HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Help Needed
Date: 9 Nov 92 19:23:38 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1992Nov9.061545.5870@oucsace.cs.ohiou.edu> nxie@oucsace.cs.ohiou.edu (Nandi Xie) writes:
>
>I have been waiting for the Mr. Right for a long time.
>Then it came this guy I met in school. We became good
>friends. Then he moved to some other state. We've
>exchanged emails, and we've talked quite a bit. I find
>that I'm really involed. But the problem is, he is 
>married and he has a child. So I never tell him what I
>am feeling. Yet I am affraid that our friendship would
>affect their merriage. Anybody has any suggestions? I
>am really confused in this situation.
>
Unless his marriage is in bad shape, there is nothing you can do that
will really affect it. So, unless he makes suggestions about doing
something that you think is inappropriate, I would not worry about
affecting his marriage.

There is nothing wrong with married people having friends of the
opposite sex, and enjoying flirting or just being with someone
attractive. As long as his marriage is clearly his first priority, it
is more likely to help his marriage (because he is happier and more
mentally healthy for having friends), than to hurt it.

Of course, if you are in love with him, or infatuated, you are in a
vulnerable position and you will have to be careful to avoid feeling
hurt and rejected. And it will be harder to have the strength to turn
him down if he does suggest anything you think is out of line.

I guess my advice is to enjoy your friendship, but keep your eyes open
and your expectations realistic.  I wouldn't tell him how you feel
unless you want to use that as a pretext to breaking off your
friendship.  If you tell him how you feel, it might make him feel that
he either has to return those feelings, or stop seeing you.

I am sure that if he has two eyes in his head, he can see that you like
him. What he doesn't know, and may not suspect, is that you would like
to get involved if he was not married. And you really can't express
that without making him feel like you want him to leave his wife.

Peace,
Michael.
From: sbecker@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Falling in love via phone?
Date: 5 Nov 92 16:43:59 CST
Organization: University of Kansas Academic Computing Services


I hope all of you folks out there will give me some feedback on the situation I
find myself in.  I met someone via alt.personals (I am somewhat embarrassed to
admit) and we've been conducting epic phone calls for the past three weeks. 
The conversations have heated up, become quite intimate, with each of us
sharing secret fears and hoped, even having phone sex the last few times
(blush)

What I want to know is do you think it's possible to fall in love on the phone?
 Or am I/are we delusing ourselves?  He's visiting me here in Kansas from Utah
this weekend and I'm nervous, anxious, excited . . .any advice/feednack on this
subject?  I'm new to the net and haven't even met *friends* this way before.

Wish us luck!b1
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: lani@askinc.ASK.COM (Lani Barton)
Subject: Re: H*ll of a situation!
Reply-To: lani@askinc.ask.COM (Lani Barton)
Organization: ASK Computer Systems, Inc.
Date: 13 Nov 92 17:37:31 GMT

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Absolutely! All the really nice women are either (a) married/attached 
(b) lesbian (c) dead (d) fictional. This is so obvious I don't know why we 
are constantly surprised by the fact.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Gee, and all my female friends say that all the really nice men are either
a) married b) gay  c) dead  d)don't exist, and all that are left are
creeps, selfish bastards, and infants who want a mommy.  Maybe all these
horrible single people should get together - seems like they deserve
each other!  :>

(I'm obviously hinting for this guy to lighten up - he usually has very
good posts, not this silliness)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: kmc8z@Virginia.EDU ("***** Tina C *****")
Subject: Re: LDR Contest!
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 20:00:02 GMT

well...i can't do the longest distance...

but how about the longest TIME....

we haven't been in the same state for more than 2-3 months
since august 1988.

:*(

tina c

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: marcia@netcom.com (Marcia)
Subject: Re: BROKEN HEART
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 06:16:38 GMT

In article <1992Nov4.221751.26780@jetsun.weitek.COM> weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver) writes:
>When a guy tells a girl his 'true feelings', he is not just communicating 
>how he feels. He is also insisting that she react to how he feels. If she
>is not ready to react positively, she is going to react negatively. If on
>the other hand, the guy shows how he feels (which after all is hard not
>to do), she has the option of waiting and finding out more about the guy.

Also, when you tell someone something directly rather than indirectly, you 
are forcing them to react to what you told them, rather than leaving them an
out to say what they mean in perhaps a less blunt (and ego bruising) manner.
Leaving people a graceful way out of a situation so that you both maintain
dignity is a useful skill....and you still get the point across.

-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                  ADDRESSES: marcia@netcom.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."                                     mlb@cisco.com
Xref: sparky alt.romance:13967 alt.sex:36092
From: goldstn@cse.uta.edu (David Goldstein)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
Subject: Helping keep her home
Date: 13 Nov 92 16:31:29 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Computer Science Engineering at the University of Texas at Arlington


-- 
David Goldstein,University of Texas at Arlington, ARRI,7300 Jack Newell Blv S.
Ft Worth, TX  76112  817-794-5921, fax 817-794-5952 :)
AI, parallel/distr processing, and software engineering. Distributed,Real-time,
Knowledge-Based Systems. poet, musician, good all-around guy :)
Xref: sparky alt.romance:13918 alt.sex:35870
From: joemays@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Joseph F. Mays)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
Subject: Re: raising children
Date: 12 Nov 92 16:35:12 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Dept. of CS Ball State University Muncie IN

In article <1992Nov12.154338.21358@cbfsb.cb.att.com> jjd1@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (james.j.dutton) writes:

>I disagree the crux of both your posts was to insinuate that homosexual
>parents are better then het parents.

>Lets look at Elfs post:

>>>>>     Unlike heterosexual parents, homosexual parents don't take their
>>>>>  children for granted.  They can't afford to.

>I guess I'm just sensitive when I take this as an attack on hetero's.

I think so, yes.  Elf was too general, but I think his point was clear.

>Now here's Frances delightful post that Elf mysteriously deleted out:

>>Also, since child-rearing is not a standard social role for gay couples,
>>they only have children if they want them enough to really fight for it. 
>>A lot of heterosexual couples still have kids without really thinking
>>it over, simply because that's what straight couples are expected to do.

>Nothing derogatory about hetero's here.

Look, the way things work today, it is safe to say that %100 of homosexual
parents want their children.  Less than 100% of hetersexual parents want
their children.  If we assume that wanting the children is a vital part
of being a good parent (I said "a", not "the"), then the inescapable 
conclusion is that on average homosexual parents are better than 
heterosexual parents.  To assume that this claims that any given
pair of homosexuals will be better parents than any given pair of
heterosexuals misses the point.

Joe
From: tspindle@lynx.dac.northeastern.edu (tom spindler)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: letters, opinions, women, romance
Date: 5 Nov 92 23:15:11 GMT
Organization: Northea$tern University, Boston, MA. 02115, USA

In article <Bx8GBn.DHF@news.cso.uiuc.edu> bzb47596@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Phaedrus) writes:
>I am interested in knowing the opinions of a.r men and women on the effective-
>ness and usefulness of writing letters (man-->woman, or woman-->man) because
>I have found myself spilling my guts a lot more often in letters than in
>person.

I've found that when I write letters to people, that it's a different
mode of though than just regular conversation. Usually, my letters are a
written-down soliloquy... just spouting my thoughts away to the page (or
the screen, like right now), almost more for myself than for the other
person.

There's also something much different in a physical letter than just
email... email is just so ephemeral, and it has much less of an impact
than a letter you can hold in your hand.

Also, since I write much more slowly than I talk or I type, I have to
actually think about what I'm saying, first. :)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: fsquared@eff.org (Fawn Fitter)
Subject: Re: Does Anyone Get over Being Lonely
Originator: fsquared@eff.org
Organization: The Electronic Frontier Foundation
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 04:35:57 GMT

aa762@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Babinsky) writes:


>It has been 2 months and 10 days since my girlfriend of 3 and a
>half years has broken up with me.  After begging and pleading and
>even calling her about 4 weeks ago (like a dummy), I was wondering
>if you ever get over feeling lonely or missing that special 
>someone to share life with?

Unfortunately.....the answer is no.  

Yes, you will get over missing this _particular_ special someone.  But you
will also find that the next person you leave/who leaves you can also cause
you the same kind of pain.  If you love someone, you risk the pain of losing
that someone.  The $64,000 Question is whether or not you're willing to risk
it.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews)
Subject: Re: letters, opinions, women, romance
Organization: CSIRO Division of Mathematics and Statistics, Australia
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 21:53:09 GMT

> [stuff about writing letters]

Stand by for my $0.02 worth...

:-)

 have hardly ever written a letter in my life. Then I met Kezzle (Kezzle, of
this n'group from time to time) She lives in Melbourne, and I in Sydney
(Australia - 750 kms apart) We 'talk' *heaps* by email and quite a bit by
phone too, but there is only so much you can spend on telephone calls.

We exchange snail-mail too. I quite like to write letter now. Only the
day before yesterday I sat on the grass beside Sydney Harbour, notebook 
on my knee with a fantastic view of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the Sydney
Opera House, Sydney Tower, the city - great! - and wrote a letter to
my Kezzle (You should have it in a couple of days sweetie <kiss>)

It, as letter go, is probably a bit odd. Just a pouring out of whatever
comes to my head. All kinds of stuff get written down, quotes, poems, songs,
what-I-did-today, I-love-you, mindless ravings, everything.

I really love to receive her letters too, it feels really nice that she has taken
the time to sit and write, much more personal than email.

Letters on paper by sbail-mail beat email anyday. Email is great for
day-to-day communications, but snail-mail is really *special*. More 
personal, more romantic. And have you ever tried to spray cologne on
an email message? <grin>

Just my $0.02. Maybe only the mindless ravings of me, maybe it makes sense:-)

stuartb

-- 
"Somebody thought of it                 #    "I do not agree with what you say
 And someone believed it                #     But I will fight to the death for
 And look what it's done so far"	#     your right to say it"
                  (Kermit the Frog)     #               (Rumpole of the Bailey)
################################################################################
Stuart Andrews
stuarta@syd.dms.csiro.au
Opinions posted here are mine and do not necessarily comply with those of CSIRO
From: 01ksdavis@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu (Rebel without a clue.)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: What's the most romantic thing? what i'm looking for
Date: 8 Nov 92 22:13:05 GMT
Organization: The Corporation.

In article <4ez=R6600awXIW=kU8@andrew.cmu.edu>, cl3x+@andrew.cmu.edu (Choli R. Lightfoot) writes:
> I finally figured out what I am looking for in a relationship.  I want,
> no need a man that will be very romantic.  I guess I am truly in love
> with the concept of romance.  I love feeling loved. 
	This is good, as I feel that the newsgroup as a while benifits from
what other people normally call "hopeless" romantics.  There *IS* hope,
however, a person very close to me thinks I am romantic, and some of my friends
are also considered romantic, although they don't have time for girlfriends.
> I need someone who
> will call, e-mail, or talk to me every day.  Occasional flowers, loving
> notes.  The works.  I hope there are people like that out there.  I'm
> glad I know what I want so that I can start searching.  I guess that is
> why I have been unhappy in recent relationships, are there other people
> out there like me?  
	Sure there are.  I am one of these people.  
> I hope so...finding a note on your door when you get
> home from a long day or getting flowers for no apparent reason is the
> best feeling there is.
	You know, this thread is more than it initially seems (That's why I am
renaming the header.)  A neat idea visualised in my mind.  What do all of you
fellow usenetters out there consider romantic?
	These two aforementioned examples are fine, but I have more ideas.


> I just wanted to share my realization.
> 	Choli
	
	Perhaps the most romantic thing that somebody has ever done for me was
when my girlfriend got out of school early and drove over to my school and wait 
for me to get out on top of the hood of my car.

	Perhaps the most romantic thing I have ever done for anybody was to buy
her one rose for each month of our anniversary.

	Pretty boring guy, aren't I?  I *DO* need some original material for my
current situation.
-- 

 ______________________________________________________________________________
|Kyle S. Davis
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: rooneyr@woods.ulowell.edu
Subject: attn:lawrence McIlhoney
Organization: University of Lowell
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 16:34:17 GMT

To lawrence  mcIlhoney

 I have been trying to reach you via e-mail and something is really wrong 
with the postmaster... My mail has been rejected at least 8 times and 
I am really beginning to get POed.
	send me some e-mail from the uk to see if it is a problem here
or over there (both soton and woods postmasters have turned away the mail
and sent it back to me....

HELP!

hugs
Robin Hawkins
From: ph2sct@sdcc14.ucsd.edu (Dzu Nguyen)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Hi. Uhhh, I have a question...
Date: 9 Nov 92 19:49:19 GMT
Organization: University of California, San Diego

In article <moonbeam.721112254@du248-13.cc.iastate.edu> moonbeam@iastate.edu (Timothy J Cockerham) writes:
>How does one overcome shyness? I would like to meet girls, but I just seem
>to close up whenever the chance arrives. I need suggestions please.
>Thanks.
>Please send me e-mail. 

 that's a good question and one i would also like the answer to. is
it a result of confidence or something else? i'd like some feedback
as well.
thanks for your time

Dzu (ph2sct@sdcc14.ucsd.edu)

p.s. or you can post it here...i'me sure there are other people
wondering the same thing


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Subject: Re: letters, opinions, women, romance
Reply-To: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Organization: St. Elizabeth Hospital, Youngstown, OH
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 00:27:38 GMT


In a previous article, bzb47596@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Phaedrus) says:

>I am interested in knowing the opinions of a.r men and women on the effective-
>ness and usefulness of writing letters (man-->woman, or woman-->man) because
>I have found myself spilling my guts a lot more often in letters than in
>person.
>
>

I have kept a personal journal for nearly 10 years now...so i heartily
agree that writing is still the most effective means of communication
both with others *and* yourself....

an interesting story about letters and relationships (well, *I* think
it's interesting!!)  occurred about 2 months ago when I sent my 
long distance sweetie a mass mailing of about 25 cards.... yes 25!

I would always buy cards to send to him, sometimes 2 or 3 or 4 at a
time, and they were piling up, so i decided to overwhelm him and
the mail carrier..it took ALOT of time to address and write them all
out....but it was great fun!!  I thought as i mailed them:  "he won't
have a single doubt about how i feel about him now!"

well...was it a success?  well he was surprised (to say the least),
and amused.....but he told me that cards don't mean that much to 
him, because they contain words someone else
wrote...and even though i had wrote messages in the cards...it
didn't mean as much as if i would have just sent him a completely
hand written letter....a letter he feels is much more personal.

it's funny, i never thought of it like that till he said it...
but i can see what he means...so i write more letters and send
fewer cards now!  (and my stationary budget is WAY DOWN now =)

anyway...just some more of my psycho babble...

Cheers

-- 
A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up
his morale.  After a while he realizes she *is* beautiful ---
he just hadn't noticed it at first.
                          from "The Notebooks of Lazarus Long"
From: uwanless@mcl.ucsb.edu (Selective)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: We want your advice
Date: 11 Nov 92 22:18:26 GMT

Hi...I'm a 22 year old white male and over the summer I met this wonderful
woman through soc.penpals...we started out as informal e-mail penpals
(after a previous experience thats the ONLY way I will start any e-mail
relationship :)) but it got kind of heavier as time went on...we have shared
much both over mail and over the phone, and have exchanged pictures, letters,
and a few gifts. Now, I finally have an opportunity to actually visit her,
and we are both a bit scared, although eager to actually meet face to face.
We have had long discussions about what we should do when we actually meet,
and I think we kind of both know what's going to happen, although there
remain some elements of uncertainty. Anyway, the point of this story is
that I would like some thoughts/replies/follow-up posts as to what you would
do in a similar situation. I'd like to hear other people's perspectives,
and perhaps get some insight as to what to do when I actually meet my
net-love. Post here or e-mail replies at uwanless@mcl.mcl.ucsb.edu.


--
************Paul Wanless "vangy"******************

"That's what I thought. The only process you've mastered is the process of
  elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you can
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Attention Advice Givers (ie HELP)
From: s206001@emu.insted.unimelb.edu.au
Date: 11 Nov 92 12:51:18 GMT
 <0096340D.A302FE60@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> <7NOV199217534560@stars.gsfc.nasa.gov>

In article <7NOV199217534560@stars.gsfc.nasa.gov>, casey@stars.gsfc.nasa.gov (Sean Casey GSFC (301)286-4558) writes:
> In article <0096340D.A302FE60@Msu.oscs.montana.edu>, oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes...
>>In article <1992Nov4.230117.27270@jetsun.weitek.COM>, weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver) writes:
>>>In article <Bx6F6q.n4J@news.cso.uiuc.edu> jlamb@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Jeffrey Richard Lamb) writes:
Jeffrey:"Situation : Ok I met this girl over the net.The point : What I need 
help with is this. 1) Do I try to "push" the relationship?" 

Weaver answers:"A relationship is not a car. You don't steer it, you lead it. 
You should have an idea of which direction you want the relationship to go so 
that you can gently nudge it that way."

Cheryl replies:"I love all these verbs;  relationships are not to be "pushed,"
"steering,""floating," "leading," and "nudging."  Just what are we trying to 
accomplish?  Whatever happened to letting Nature take its course?"

And the man of the moment, Sean (get his other foot and shove it in his mouth
writes): 
> Isn't this the difference between men and women. Men are entrusted with 
> the responsibility of taking charge in a relationship. In particular,
> it's men that always (ah, mostly) make the first move. Women, on the other
> hand, assume a passive role and take or refuse offers as they come.
> I don't think nature has a course in regard to relationships. It's
> only from the female perspective that "pushing" and "nudging" seem
> un-unatural. 

Okay so I'm a new comer to this but I couldn't let this go by without my $0.02.
Jeffrey don't push I agree that you should try to steer toward your objective
and if it happens it will in time patience is its own reward they say..
Yes nature is meant to do this and it does but nature is the attraction and the
actions to respond are your own.
Now I don't agree with Sean at all that nature is letting men take all the
initiative or rather that they have to take charge.  A relationship in the
making is not necessarily a military campaign, sure it requires careful
planning and strategy and perhaps a little encouragement but from BOTH parties
concerned.  Isn't that the whole gist of a relationship?!!  If a relationship
in your eyes is one sided then there isn't much of one to my way of thinking. 
This female does not see 'pushing' and 'nudging' as unnatural but rather as
tactless, I tend to prefer subtlety as opposed to being railroaded...
Appreciation and romance have that subtlety and gain cooperation in achieving a
successful relationship.  None of this "lie back and be passive"!!! ;)

I have no .sig yet but I like some I've seen.  My apologies in advance for any
misunderstandings if they arise.
Irene.
From: jbell@mihi.une.edu.au (Master of Puppets)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: LDR Contest!
Date: 8 Nov 1992 20:11:20 -0600
Organization: UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway

zyang@nyx.cs.du.edu (Zhaohui Yang):
> scott@ssvs.gsfc.nasa.gov (Tom Scott) writes:
> 
>>I'm more a reader than a writer, but here's a quick start for a thread:
>>Who's got the longest? (Oops, obsede', that sounds like alt.sex material)
> 
>>Some lines I've noticed since finding a.r:
>>mvb@po.CWRU.Edu (Michael V. Barreca) says:
>>>Great, now I'm depressed. (my girlfriend lives 300 miles away)
>>stuarta@syd.dms.csiro.au (Stuart Andrews) says:
>>>She live in Melbourne, Australia, and I in Sydney, Australia
>>>A separation of some 750 kilimetres. If that isn't a LDR,
>>>nothing is :-)
well, I live in Armidale, NSW, Autralia
and the woman I love, who does not love me anymore
lives in Bloomington, Indiana, USA

is that far enough???


--
/------------------------jbell@mihi.une.edu.au--------------------------\
| Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound, | Justin Bell   |
| Raindrops taste like tears without the pain.          | +61-67-72-6247|
\-------------90 Taylor St., Armidale, NSW, 2350, AUSTRALIA-------------/

Newsgroups: alt.romance