From: zwbm07@hou.amoco.com (Walter Moore)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: ***SPOILER**** too much, not enough
Date: 8 Sep 92 16:00:38 GMT
Reply-To: zwbm07@hou.amoco.com
Organization: Amoco

In article 2LD@mentor.cc.purdue.edu, mcmorris@vet.vet.purdue.edu (brandywine) writes:
>***************spoiler posting, so you know... no  function
>here*****
I'll put one in here:

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>Well.
>I am so depressed.  My ex so, who I couldn't let go of, ( one of my
>issues) used sex to try and get rid of me. To see how far I would go
>to please him and make myself feel dirty. I went farther than I should
>have. I hgave him a blow job, which I told him I hated.
>
>He says when I get sane, he might be my friend.
Then he wasn't and will never be a friend or yours. A friend is someone you can
TRUST; someone you can talk to - ABOUT ANYTHING, ANYTIME.

>
>I know many of you have supportive So's from reading the posts... but
>I don't think I will ever get to that point.

I hope you'll find the right person for you!

> I keep going at this
>alone, and the point doesn't seem there. I would cry except that I
>don't cry. THo I have been closer to it lately than I have been for a
>long time.
>
>I had to work today, and I thought about writing this all day. That
>helped. Being able to reach out and ask questions...
>
>Is there a point in going on if my whole life is a serious of what I
>can do for others...?
You need to please yourself! Figure out what YOU need, and go get it. 
If it's a friend who will listen, then you can find that right here. 

> ALways, people take advantage of me and it makes
>me so mad.
There is someone out there who is looking for the same things you are. 

> COdependancy sucks.

That's the truth!!

>
>I think about killing myself, but I am not that brave. I think there
>is some reason to go on. SIlly me.
Maybe it's so you can share something of yourself that will give others a reason
to go on? Who knows?

>
>He used my sensitive area, even after I had told him about the abuse
>and about the new things I am remembering...
>he used me for sex, because he said he did it basically because he was
>horny but also because it would make me leave.
then he's the one who's sick.
>
>I can't stand who i am becoming in this. 

Figure out WHO you want to be and work to become that person. Sounds glib, I know, 
but it DOES work for some. The work isn't easy, but it's worth it!

>Lost. Again. Will I ever be
>able to love freely and be loved back?

I'm sure you will, you just need to be careful until you do. Love yourself! 

>I keep looking for someone to love me, truly love me... I have
>friends, and I am a friend. but sometimes it just doesn't seem enough.

My SO and I started as friends and became more. AFTER we were living together
she (and AFTER I had proffessed my love for her), she told me of the abuse.
>
>I want someone to hold me in the dark of the night so the nightmares
>will go away

I did this for her, for a Looonnnggg time.

Being held feels nice and comforting, but that usually just makes the 
nightmares stop while you're awake. Most of my SO's nightmares haven't 
come back since she has faced much of her problems (NOT solved them, just 
identified and faced them). 

>-brandywine
e-mail hugs if ya want/need 'em! 
---
TTYL & TANSTAAFL ---------------- Walter Moore 
      Internet: zwbm07@hou.amoco.com

..SCUBA divers do it with depth...blub...blub...blub...
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery