From: scratchy.caltech.edu!nathan (Nathan Mates)
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes,rec.humor
Subject: Car Acronyms- Everything That's Been Posted
Date: 20 Nov 1992 08:04:57 GMT
Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena
NNTP-Posting-Host: scratchy.caltech.edu
Originator: nathan@scratchy

Since everyone seems to have slowed down (momentarily) in the posting of
car acronyms, here's everything that's been posted, arranged by make, and
airline acronyms have been thrown it at NO EXTRA COST!!!

Nathan


Acura	Awful,Crappy,Unreliable, Rusty Automobile
	Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents
	All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
	Any Child Understands Real Automobiles
	Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents
	Another Case of a Useless Requested Acronym?

Audi	Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

BMW	Babbling Mechanical Wench
	Beastly Monstrous Wonder
	Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
	Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
	Big Money Waste
	Big Money Works
	Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
	Born Moderately Wealthy.
	Break My Windows
	Broken Money Waster
	Broken Monstrous Wonder
	Brutal Money Waster
	Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
	Big Money Waster
	Blasphemized Motorized Wreck
	Bastard Money Wielders 

Buick	Big Ugly Import Car Killer
	Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
	Built Under Inspection of Cooky Korean

Camaro	Can't America Make A Real One?

Chevrolet	Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
	Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time
Chevy	Charged Heavily
	Cheapest Heap Ever enVisioned Yet 

Chrysler	Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
	Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's

Citroen	Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters

Dodge	Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
	Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere
	Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere

Datsun	Detroit's Angry Towards Sneaky Unscrupulous Nips

Fiat	F**king Italian Attempt (at) Transportation.
	Failure in Automotive Technology
	Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
	Fix It Again Tony?
	Fix It All the Time
	Fuck in a Taxi.

Ford	F**ked over rebuilt Dodge
	F**ker Only Runs Downhill
	F*cked on Race Day
	F*cking Over-Rated Disaster
	F*ckin' Out-Right Dangerous
	First On Recall Day
	First on race day
	Fix Or Repair Daily
	Found on road dead
	Fraternal Order of Restored DeSoto's
	F*ckin Owner Real Dumb!!
(backwards)	Driver Returns On Foot

GMC	Garage Man's Companion
	Generally Mediocre Cars
	Get More Chicks
	Got More Crap
	Grungy Merchandise
	Got Mechanic Coming

G.T.i.	Got Tossers Inside

Honda	Helping Out Nips Destroying America
	How Odd-No Damn Acceleration
	Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
	Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile
	Hand Over Dollars to Asians

Jaguar	Jews And Germans Usually Argue Retail

Jeep	Junk Eletrical and Emissions Parts
	Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole.
	Just Eat Every Pickle.
	Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts
	Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts
	Jumps Everything Ever Parked

Mazda	Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly

Mopar	Most Often Passed At Races
	Mostly Old Parts And Rust
	Mostly Old Paint And Rust
	Making A Zillion Dollars Annually
	Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicars

Nissan	Now In Some Shitty Automobile Nightmare
	Nasty Import Sucks Savings Away to Nippon

Oldsmobile	Oh Look Dammit, Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking  
Everything
	Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel
	Old Ladies Driving Slow making Others Behind Infuriatingly Late  
Everyday

Pinto	Put In New Transmission Often

Plymouth	Please Let Your Mother Out <from> Under The Hood!
	Pussy Lips <in> Your MOUTH

Pontiac	Poor old ni**er thinks it's a Cadillac
	Poor Old Nitwit Thinks Its A Cadilliac


PORSCHE	Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions
	Phased Out Racer-Still Can't Hold Engine
	Please Overlook Really Sh*tty Cardboard Horrible Engine
	Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough

Renault	Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash

SAAB	Stupid, Arrogant Asshole Babies
	Such an arrogant bastard!
	Swedish Automobile - Always Broken

Subaru	Send Undercover Boat And Radioactive Uranium

Toyota	Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All

Triumph	The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily

VW	Very Worthless


Holden ( An Australian manufacturer ) used to make a great selling point  
of their "Radial Tuned Suspension"
Everyone else called it Roughly Tuned Suspension......

STP	Stop Those Pistons.
E.F.I.	Extra Fucking Insurance 
BOW TIE	Big Over Weight Tired Impotent Engines
NAPA	Never Any Parts Available.

Q: How do you make a Yugo go faster?
A: A towtruck.

Q: What do you call the shock absorbers inside a Yugo?
A: Passengers.

Q: Why does a Yugo have a heated rear window?
A: So you hands won't get cold while you're pushing it.

I have also said for years that the car is named because "Yugo, but it  
doesn't".

Q: How can you get a Yugo to do 60 miles an hour?
A: Push it over a cliff.

A friend went to a dealer the other day and said,
"I'd like a gas cap for my Yugo."

The dealer replied, "OK. Sounds like a fair trade."


	FORD ANNOUNCES NEW CAR FOR 1993

GRAND RAPIDS MI, Ford Motor Company announced today the introduction of a  
new line of luxury automobiles. It's design is said to have been drawn  
from the company's long history of past innovations and contributions to  
the automobile industry. In respect to Ford's outstanding achievments,  
commitment to excellence and overall quality, the new car is being  
christened, with Arnold Schwartzenegger's endorsement, the 'Total Recall'.

Air France	Air Chance

ALITALIA	(The) Airplane Lands In Toronto And (the) Luggage In  
Australia

BWIA (British West Indian Airways) : But Will It Arrive?

CAAC	(Civil Aviation Administration of China)
	China Air Always Canceled
	China Air Always Crashed

Delta	Don't Even Leave The Airport
	Don't Even Let Them Aboard.
Delta's Sky West: Scare West. . .

EL AL	Every Landing Always Late

Lufthansa	Let Us Fuck The Hostess And Not Say Anything.
	Lousy Useless Fliers: They Haven't Any Navigational Systems Aboard

Northwest Orient Northworst Disorient

PIA	Please Inform Allah
	Pray I'll Arrive

PSA	Poor Sailors Airline

QANTAS	Queenies And Nymphomaniac Transvestite Air Stewards
	QUeers And Nymphos Trained As Staff

Sabena	Such A Bad Experience; Never Again!

TWA	Try Walking Across
	Trembling Wings Airlines.
	The Worst Airlines
	Teeny Weeeny Airlines

US AIR	Unquestionably Still Allegheny In Reality.


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*Monty Python Plagarisms: (Scripts to)                              *
*      Monty Python & The Holy Grail         Meaning of Life        * 
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*      Bastard Operator From Hell-- Computer series                 *
*      More Computer Jokes-- 90K!!!          Hacker Test 1.1        *
*Other Stuff:                                                       *
*      Lightbulb Jokes      Car Acronyms     Star Trek Parodies     *
*      Murphy's Law stuff   Answering Machine Messages              *
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* Nathan Mates                nathan@cco.caltech.edu                *
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