HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: What I did on 12/31
Date: 8 Jan 93 15:14:37 GMT
Organization: Mitre Corporation, McLean, VA
Originator: sokay@cyclone

Yes its a week late, but so what...everybody else seems to be posting their
stories and I haven't been on here in a while so here goes...

Went to work. Realized how much of a futile and totally symbolic gesture this
was since there was hardly anybody here and my mind was already on the upcoming
con. Left 2 hours early...

Went home, packed for EveCon, the SF/Fantasy con where I was to spend the weekend.
Got to the hotel around 6 or 7, and instantly ran into a couple friends I hadn't
seen since CastleCon in july. Hung out with them for a while, got reigstered
and then we all went to get food. Came back from food and got snagged to help
fold programs and unpack stuff. Saw a couple more friends, female this time.
Hugs all around. More folding, More collating.  Got off of Folding Stapling and
mutilating duty and went upstairs to the Staff suite for the con. played Lemmings
for a while and then went back downstairs. Theres a mundane black-tie thingy going
on in the main ballroom. Lots of local DC residents who have paid too much money
for what appears to be an average dinner and some cheap party hats. They 
wander into the next room after the new year to brew their brains some more.
I leave. strap on the rollerblades and spend the next couple hours zipping around
the parking lot and the nearby office complex watching the revelers stumble towards
their cars and laugh as a Arlington County patrol car dutifully makes its rounds
and sticks tickets on all the cars on one side of the street which happens to
be a community loading zone for the strip of stores that line that side of the
street. 

Go to sleep around 4:30, completely exhausted and wake up at around 10 Friday
morning. It was the only sleep I got all weekend.

Sorry its not angstful, insightful and rife with pathos folks. I guess every
once in a while things go okay...

---Steve
-- 
---------
sokay@cyclone.mitre.org
		"Your Mind....My Playground" ---me
Organization: Arizona State University
Date: Friday, 8 Jan 1993 15:59:18 MST
From: <IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET>(its me)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Petty "relationship angst"

well, shit, the angst police are back!
From: parkhugj@NeXTwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu (Gregory J Parkhurst)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Lack-of-angst angst
Date: 12 Jan 1993 06:35:05 GMT
Organization: Computer Science Department at Rose-Hulman
Reply-To: parkhugj@NeXTwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu (Gregory J Parkhurst)
NNTP-Posting-Host: o231-03.nextwork.rose-hulman.edu

In article <1993Jan9.005112.7199@microunity.com> ericm@microunity.com (Eric  
Murray) writes:

> >But I have this inkling of a feeling that all this is as sturdy as a
> >house of cards waiting for any pertubation to cause collapse.
> 
> Aha!  You're discovered the "there's something wrong with my life and
> I won't rest until I discover what it is" angst.
[...]
> Or maybe because you're not really HAPPY unless you're SUFFERING!
> 
> Have a MISERABLE DAY!

I've decided that happiness is fundamentally unstable.  I suppose there are  
those who are nearly always happy, but they always seem to come across as  
ignorant somehow...they tend to have some sort of crutch that I can't buy into,  
such as a faith which tells them "don't worry, be happy, everyone will get  
theirs in the end."

Sometimes when I find that I'm enjoying myself, I feel like the cartoon  
character who's just run off the edge of a cliff but hasn't noticed yet.  The  
fall is waiting, but as long as he doesn't look down, he can walk on air...he  
can never resist the temptation to peek, however, and the audience laughs as he  
screams all the way down to the inevitable impact.

I must be so used to getting screwed that when I'm having fun, someone has to  
pound it into my head that my feet are still on the ground.  Otherwise I keep  
checking to make sure and end up missing it all.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greg Parkhurst         Nocturn@VR |           "Something clever"       
parkhugj@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu |                  -Someone cleverNocturn
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: rudoff@mdd.comm.mot.com (Doug Rudoff)
Subject: Lack-of-angst angst
Organization: Motorola, Mobile Data Division - Seattle, WA
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 00:18:33 GMT


A few days before New Year's Eve I decided to have party. About 25
people showed up and overall it was a success. After living in Seattle
over three years I have a good set of friends and a decent social
life. And I've had an SO for about four weeks and things are great.

So now I no longer have lack-of-social-life angst and
lack-of-relationship angst. I do have I-hate-my-job angst (you try to
do major editing and compiling work via modem with a computer in
Paris. And I can accidentally create Parisian-taxi-cab-driver angst by
sending cabs to random addresses in Paris as I test things). But
overall, I really have nothing to complain about and I'm reasonable
content.

But I have this inkling of a feeling that all this is as sturdy as a
house of cards waiting for any pertubation to cause collapse.

Most of the time I don't think that way. But I still read alt.angst,
maybe for a refuge for times past or maybe to prepare myself if things
fall apart or maybe to read about other people's angst to remind
myself how good things are now for me or maybe ...

-- 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Doug Rudoff          Motorola, Seattle    INTERNET:rudoff@mdd.comm.mot.com
                                            USENET:uunet!mdisea!rudoff   
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: bucknerb@bnr.ca (Brent Buckner)
Subject: Re: Books & MY New Year's
Organization: Bell-Northern Research, Ontario, Canada
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 00:08:43 GMT

In article <1993Jan10.210039.21088@blaze.cs.jhu.edu> callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan) writes:
>I like analogies.  I like metaphors too.  

No, that's not it.  You like similes.  You _are_ a metaphor. :-)

-- 
at Bell-Northern Research
voice:        (613) 765-2739
Canada Post:  P.O. Box 3511, Station C, Ottawa, Canada, K1Y 4H7
I do not claim that BNR holds these views.  
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: hjb@netcom.com (H. J. Bae)
Subject: Re: assassination chtulu gonad flora munster junkpot jesus president egg
Organization: Peaceful Star Project
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 06:24:04 GMT

In article <1993Jan10.214633.1@pomona.claremont.edu> cblanc@pomona.claremont.edu (Heathen Undergarment) writes:
>
>so what do them sheep want?  well, damnit, they're all consenting, which is
>good enough ...
>
>


a sheep don't want no severed head, no rabbit eyes, no chicken feet
to decorate her necklaces. a sheep does not assume the open position only
to freeze up the laceration of her dumb cunt. sheep is god -- the air
shaped in the rectangle of your bathtub, drowning you with filth & waste
misplaced to rot, scatter in the wind, blow, and die.

love
hwajin

p.s.
cthulu for the president



-- 
Peaceful Star Project	hjb@netcom.com
2899 Ford Street	Available for peaceful, responsible work only.
Oakland, CA 94601	(510) 536-7607
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: kilroy@acme.gen.nz (earthbound misfit, I)
Subject: Re: Back To Work Angst
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 93 08:10:00 GMT
Organization: ACME BBS - Public Access Usenet, Palmerston North, New Zealand
Reply-To: kilroy@acme.gen.nz (earthbound misfit, I)

dante@microsoft.com (throated plaid) writes:

> Well, it's my turn to whine. And whining it is, because 
> I suspect the even the denizens of alt.angst may have
> trouble relating to this. 
> 
> I can't work--I can't bring myself to lift a finger to
> do what's expected of me. Instead I talk on the phone
> or play on internet or pick my nose--anything but do
> the work.
> [...]

Your problem isn't completely unfamiliar........

						- k
-- 
Craig Harding            kilroy@acme.gen.nz             ACME BBS +64 6 3551342
"Jub'er lbh pnyyvat n obmb?"
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan)
Subject: Re: Back To Work Angst
Organization: Johns Hopkins Computer Science Department, Baltimore, MD
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 18:05:37 GMT

dsmither@alfred.carleton.ca (Diane Smithers) writes:

>So I
>wish it were as simple as living in a boring place makes me incredibly
>productive, but unfortunately motivation isn't like that.  I find it
>helps to have an outside existence as well.

On a relevant note: anybody else out ever had the feeling "I haven't had
enough fun lately to justify doing any work."?  

Maybe it was just that growing up Catholic, I never fully picked up on the 
Protestant work thingy.

--
Paul Callahan (callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu)   
..who wouldn't mind Usenet so much, 
except you have to go out for espresso,
and there's nobody shouting "Go, Daddy, Go!"
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: toj8j@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU (prufrock)
Subject: Re: more depression
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 04:40:23 GMT

In article <20912@acorn.co.uk> ABienek@acorn.co.uk (Alex Bienek) writes:
>In article <1htj35INNkbc@natinst.com> Thad_Engeling@quickmail.natinst.com (Thad Engeling) writes:

>>So it turns out that the night that I called to ask her out, Ali was going out with
>>Chris - giving him another chance.
>>Why.
>>Nice guys always lose.
>
>This is *so* true ! But why ? 
>I actually had the opportunity to question three girls about this sort behaviour, and
>try to get a straight answer to the the question 'What is it you look for in a guy/relationship ?'
>But it was totally impossible to get any kind of consistent answer. I must have spent two
>or three hours talking to them, and was absolutely none the wiser afterwards.
>Strange.

Having just watched the female cast of _Northern Exposure_ try to convince
me that man's quest for knowledge (e.g., in this case, archaeology) is just
an expression of his fundamental insecurity and his inability to think
with anything other than his penis (I'm paraphrasing, but not much), I'll
second that "strange."

Even personal experience hasn't made me so sure that there's a fundamental
and unbridgeable difference in methods of thinking between men and women.

Anybody else see this show? or wanna help me reopen a huge can o' worms?  I
assure you, I'm not trying to be a male pig about this, I'm just puzzled
as hell by my apparent inability to comprehend the mode of thought of over
half the people on this planet.

-prufrock (toj8j@fermi.clas.virginia.edu)
From: fls@econ.duke.edu (Forrest Smith)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Sexual Angst
Date: 7 Jan 93 18:42:29 GMT
Organization: Duke University; Durham, N.C.


	Wait 'til you get older.  Forget the semi-erogenous zones.  Your
long-term partner in coitus may pretend she likes the preliminaries, but
get on with it.  And, I might add, the quicker the better.
-- 
   __  __                                    *************************** 
  |__ |__                                    %  shall we eggplant,
  | |  __|  fls@keynes.econ.duke.edu         %  shall we corn,
    |__                                      %  shall we succotash?
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: conty@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (E. Kontei)
Subject: Re: Petty "relationship angst"
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 20:16:06 GMT

> In <1993Jan8.221053.21824@cbnewsl.cb.att.com> conty@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (E. Kontei) writes:
> 
> >Last time I quit reading alt.angst, it was a-plenty with petty
> >"relationship angst" stories, often told by people who would rather
> >complain than get off their angsty a**es and DO something about
> >their situation.
[etc, etc]

I want to apologize to anyone who felt irritated/disgusted/offended by
my previous posting.  It appears I have misunderstood the purpose of
this newsgroup.

You shall not hear from me again.  Goodbye.
-- 
			    E n r i q u e  C o n t y
			       Master of Science!
			      jester@ihlpm.att.com
		    Disclaimer: You're not dealing with AT&T
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: jamesh@netcom.com (James Hightower)
Subject: Re: New Year's Eve
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 08:15:00 GMT

an5275@anon.penet.fi writes:

>I watched My Cousin Vinny (which sucked) with my parents until 10:30 PM, then
>we watched 1992: Year of the Farce until 11 PM, when I went to bed.  

>This year I will be 25.

This year I hung a mike out my window and recorded 45 minutes of solid
gunfire, including the sound of the LAPD shooting a kid (I don't know if
he lived.)

Why the hell do I live here?


Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: rorschak@daimi.aau.dk (Jesper Lauridsen)
Subject: Re: Books & MY New Year's
Organization: depressed
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 93 05:10:22 GMT

pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe) writes:

> Some people born NOT to fall in love? Yeah...and some people are born 
>not to breathe. I totally understand your opinion that "Some day, it'll 
>happen to you"-type advice is small consolation, but it's like those 
>annoying things that your parents always told you. You don't want to hear 
>it, but it's the truth.

  My mother has 4 younger brothers, age 30 - 42. My grandparents gave
birth to 5 children and I'm their only grandchild (21 years old).
That should be a good indicator that some people have to wait very
long before anything happens.

  I hear you all protesting now; lack of children doesn't imply 
loneliness. A better statistic would be that these 4 men in their
~150 years on his planet has had a total of ONE confirmed (known
to other family members) relationship between them. 

  Go tell your message to my mothers brothers.
-- 
 Jesper Lauridsen      | 
 rorschak@daimi.aau.dk |     I think, therefore I angst  

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: tullfan@leland.Stanford.EDU (Richard Thompson)
Subject: Re: General Theory of Depression
Organization: DSG, Stanford University, CA 94305, USA
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 93 12:24:28 GMT

You guys are a great help! Thanks!  Not only does it help knowing other people
do or have felt like this, but some of your have developed great ways of 
dealing with these feelings.  Its also very good for the soul to gripe and
not be too afraid that people are going to get mad at you for griping--seems
that everyone is afraid you're going to bring them down and they'd rather you
not disturb their precarious hold on happiness (I certainly can't blame them!),
so its nice to communicate with people who will talk about these sorts of 
things.

I...I...I just love you guys *sniff*...

ok, sorry, its getting cheesy.  You're all just a bunch of sorry loser assholes
and dont you forget it!!



rich.

-- 
"For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain,
     and big words Bother me."
	-Winnie-the-Pooh
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: tullfan@leland.Stanford.EDU (Richard Thompson)
Subject: Re: General Theory of Depression
Organization: DSG, Stanford University, CA 94305, USA
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 93 12:19:45 GMT

In article <1993Jan12.102705.20306@cs.tu-berlin.de> gosper@opal.cs.tu-berlin.de (Carsten) writes:
>
>Welcome to the club of potential suicide candiates... I really don't know what
>exactly it is that happens to so many people at the age around twenty, but 
>having been there myself I can strongly relate to what you described.
>
>First time I started feeling down and completely unmotivated was right after
>school; I was wondering whether all the plans I had made for the future were
>"right" (in terms of being successful one day  - whatever that means- ,
>achieving all the goals I had set for myself). Also, I had this constant
>fear of missing out on something... that I wasn't making the most the of
>present.
>
>Within a year life became a nightmare - I had a hard time enjoying myself,
>became a loner - good therapy when you're depressed ;-) - all my basic skills
>of socializing were gone. When depressed, you not only tend to torture 
>yourself, but in addition you become surprisingly good at pissing everybody
>else off, too.

yeah...I've noticed this too!  If you are so busy moping, its hard to relate
well with people.

>But I believe there's one good aspect about severe depressions: spending
>all that time "inside" my mind gave me a chance to reflect upon all the
>things of the past - although, at times it seemed almost impossible to
>acknowledge and/or accept them - and wonder about the "meaning of life"
>(DON'T EVER DO THAT - IT ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE !). But wanting back my old
>life and the way I used to look at it, I had to take the initiative. Talking 
>to my friends and parents helped me a great deal - now, I truly appreciate 
>peace of mind...

For along time I was trying to recapture my old life!  But I don't see how I
could.  I mean I've experienced so much since then--my old life was based
on being pleasantly naive--how does one go back to that?  I feel permanantly
cynical!  I feel like I'm going to have to get a totally new way to look at it
all.  And you're right trying to find a "meaning" really does make things 
worse!  Cuz there is none, and if you're wanting to find one badly, your're
just going to be heartbroken--exactly what happened to me...

So where does your peace of mind come from?  How do you deal with so much 
being beyond your ability to change things?  Is it just having friends around
that helps you deal?  


>
>carsten
>

interesting reply...thanks!

rich.


-- 
"For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain,
     and big words Bother me."
	-Winnie-the-Pooh
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: tullfan@leland.Stanford.EDU (Richard Thompson)
Subject: Re: General Theory of Depression
Organization: DSG, Stanford University, CA 94305, USA
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 93 23:41:56 GMT

>
>I've seen this philosophy before.  It's a gross generalization that all
>women want the same thing.  Some women do have an attraction for men who
>are crumbs (previously stated by someone else, it often stems from
>childhood abuse).  Maybe the self-proclaimed "nice guys" also have an
>attraction for women who are confused or have low self-esteem, although
>these characteristics might not be obvious.  The woman might look
>extremely successful and seem to have it all together.

Its not so much a philosophy, just an observation.  Certainly not all women, 
but even the "together" women I've known have at least a subtle hint of it.
No, not everyone is influenced so much by society, but in alot of cases its
not just society but people who are close to women "friends" and "family" who
start the cycle of abuse.  I too, like someone else mentioned, know very many
womn who have been abused by older brothers, fathers, boyfriends, whatever.
Some men too.  Its a fucking plague in our society and it gets passed down 
from one generation to the next.  And trust me, when a four year old is told
by her 17 year old brother that he won't love her unless she does certain 
things, that really sets someone up to not feel loved without abuse--at that
age you are forming so many ideas about the world and how it works!!!  It 
happens alot in lower-middle class houses which I have been around all my life--I don't know about else where, but who knows.  I have yet to really get to 
know a woman who hasn't had some pretty bad experience--and not just sex that
she didn't enjoy like someone mentioned, but pure explotative abuse.  Its
rampant and always has been and its another reason I FUCKING HATE HUMAN 
SOCIETY.  I won't go into my personal experiences--not now anyway...

I like people, I just don't like how they relate to each other...

rich.



-- 
"For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain,
     and big words Bother me."
	-Winnie-the-Pooh
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov (gary l. schroeder)
Subject: Re: Books & MY New Year's
Organization: Brookhaven National Laboratory, Upton, NY 11973
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 21:16:25 GMT

In article <mZk5wB9w165w@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca> pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe) writes:

>> Well... Things in life are not so easy.  Like I could get run over by a
>> truck today, and then I'd never have had a really satisfying relationship 
>> with a woman.  Or I could just keep on being unlucky.  There really are
>> people who remain lonely through their lives, just like there are people
>> who--say--die of cancer.  It's not their fault.  It's not that they didn't
>> have a positive attitude.  Things just didn't work out.

>> What do I do about it?  I guess I try to focus on the things I can enjoy in l
>> whether or not I'm in love.  I keep looking, but I'll survive either way.

The things you enjoy aren't necessarily going to be enhanced by being in
love, nor will love enhance things that you really hate.  For instance,
I recently found the woman that I've been looking for since I moved to
God-forsaken(tm) Long Island.  I still like to do certain things by
myself (like listening to certain pieces of dark classical music) and I
_still_ hate Long Island.


> Aw, come on. It isn't about "luck". It's about ATTITUDE. Fatalism will 
>get you nothing.

Well, you're only half-right here, Marlowe.  A lot of meeting that
Special Someone(c) (all rights reserved) depends on being at the right
place at the right time, as well as, as you say, ATTITUDE.  For
instance, I made a conscious effort to get out of the house, get
involved, and do things that I wouldn't normally do in order to increase
my chances of meeting someone.  I signed up for local evening classes,
participated on three different after-hours sports teams, went out
whenever asked instead of just saying 'naah, I'm just gonna stay home
and sulk'.  None of these things introduced me to the woman that I
eventually met.  In meeting her, I got lucky.  I couldn't have caused
the events that lead up to us meeting to take place.  I was a matter of
taking advantage of the situation at hand, as completely unexpected as
it was.  I've never met anyone when I was actively trying, in as much as
I've never gone up to someone and said "hi, have Iseen you here before?"
It's always been a friend-of-a-friend(R), co-worker, classmate, etc.
Never a personal ad or a bar or a church group.  While sitting at home
being fatalistic isn't going to help (like a christian scientist waiting
for god to cure his operable tumor while he sits at home), I've found
that fate does tend to play a large part in Affairs of the Heart.  
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gary L. Schroeder  		|  If this .sig causes dizziness or  
schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov         |  vertigo, dicontinue use and consult    
Brookhaven National Laboratory  |  your physician.