From: alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( )
Subject: Re: Romance, Cynicism, and love.
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Distribution: alt.romance
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 03:35:54 GMT

In article <25741@sybase.sybase.com> mysti@sybase.com (Mysti) writes:
>In article <Bwy6KI.M8D@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( ) writes:
>>     I've been wondering whether a truely cynical person, not one
>>who simply claims to be cynical, but a person who lives, eats,
>>sleeps, and radiates cynicism can possibly have a meaningful
>>relationship.  
>
>Depends on what you mean by cynical.  If you mean that you know that
>people will occasionally disappoint you, or that you understand that
>anyone or anything can be taken from you without reason or a moment's
>notice, then, no, I don't think "cynicism" is incompatible with romance
>and love.  In fact you might even put more effort into your relationship
>if you knew you could lose it anytime.
>
>If however, you mean that you day in and day out expect everyone around
>you to disappoint you and betray you, then it is highly likely the people
>you encounter will consciously or sub (un?) consciously pick up on your
>expectations and behave accordingly.  And you couldn't pay me enough
>money to be in your shoes in that case!
>

    No, Nothing you've said above comes close to my definition of
cynicism.  I will freely admit I have a problem trusting other
people, but that is far different from my cynicism.  I find it
hard to really define cynicism in a meaningful way, it's
something one must see, feel, taste, to know what it is like.
I lack the words to describe it.

>>I will admit to being extraordinarily cynical,
>>and in fact radiating cynicism, right up to the point where I met
>>my current girlfriend, at which point I discovered it was necessary
>>to lose one or the other, as constant cynicism ruins relationships as
>>fast as anything else I've encountered, bar none.  
>
>Don't you think constantly expecting the worst is just as unrealistic
>as constantly expecting the best?
>

Not particularly, seeing as how the worst managed to happen
quite frequently after we met, and with astonishing regularity.
Mind you, I'm not a pessimist.  I know things can, and will go
right on occaision.  However, why is cynicism always expecting the
worst?  I would believe cynicism to be expecting the best to happen,
once you've been set for the worst, just to spite you, and then
being in a foul mood because it didn't go they way you'd planned.

>>       But, as I stated, I lost quite a bit of that when I met my
>>girlfriend.  Now that we're in the middle of a long distance
>>relationship, I find that I'm generally cynical whenever she is not
>>with me, but lose the cynical inspiration once she is.
>
>Are you sure this is a cynicism issue, or a trust issue?  Could you
>be having trouble trusting people, and explaining it away as "cynicism"?
>

No, defnitely not a trust issue, we resolved that long ago.

>>A friend of mine once stated "Cynicism is a derivitive of Romanticism,
>>if you find someone who doesn't understand cynicism, they won't
>>understand romanticism either."  
>
>Sounds like a freshman on his first (fifth) beer...
>
If he heard you say that, your throat would be slit before you
managed to utter another word.  He despises alcohol.

>>      Could it be that Cynicism is merely a perverted (if you will
>>excuse the phrasing, I could find no better) form of pent up, and
>>unused romanticism?  That if Romanticism has no outlet, It becomes
>>cynicism?  
>
>Like the prof's (should) always say, define your terms first!
>
>Mysti
>--
>========================
>Mysti Rubert, Oaktown, California
>
>"It't not the men in my life, but the life in my men."  Mae West

Like the Alex's always say, why bother defining a term, if your
definition isn't going to be accepted anyway?   I purposely left
the term ambiguous, mainly because many people have many different
forms of cynicism.  I would like to hear from all of them, not
just from people who agree with me.

                                     -Alex

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