From: bloc1469@ee.ee.uwm.edu (Gregory R Block)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: Re: looking for good strip poker
Date: 7 Jan 1993 22:07:21 GMT
Organization: Electrical Engineering Dept. University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.2.33

In article <58392@dime.cs.umass.edu> barrett@astro.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett) writes:
>	I should clarify Sam's statement here.  BLAZEPOKER is no mere "strip
>poker" ("SP") game:  it goes FAR beyond all of the competition.

I must say, BLAZEPOKER _IS_ the product of the SEASON!

>	First of all, BLAZEPOKER is NON-SEXIST.  We have pictures of players
>of ALL KNOWN genders, colors, religions, species, HALLUCINATIONS, and JELLO
>PREFERENCES.  We even have THE POPE in there.  Or maybe his SISTER.  I
>forget.  Anyway, nobody can POSSIBLY be offended... not even total SCUMBAGS
>such as the people reading this article.

It's true.  They even had my favorite flavor of jello hallucinations,
the "hairy prune pit" flavor.  I especially liked the "caustic green
drain-o" flavor, though I think it gave me an ulcer.

I'll be sure and call Customer Service about it.

>	Second, unlike the other WIMPY SP games, BLAZEPOKER's graphics use
>over EIGHT THOUSAND BITPLANES so you can see *every* little detail
>imaginable...  and even some that AREN'T imaginable.  At least by you.

I know.  I'm not sure what I saw in there, but I know it was really
gross looking.  I think they were copying bitmaps from BLAZEMONGER,
but I'd never say that in the presence of Customer Service, of
course...  All I know is that it was multi-dimensional (as in at LEAST
4), intelligent, and translucent orange.

That poor girl.  Or boy.  Or...  whatever.  I just don't know.  I was
disgusted for almost two tenths of a nanosecond, and I came -><- this
close to missing the next game altogether.  Sure, I lost, but I knew
what was coming.

>	Third, BLAZEPOKER's 128-bit DIGITIZED SOUND EFFECTS have NEVER been
>equalled in ANY competing SP product.  You get moans, groans, phones, and
>abalones!  (Look it up, you drooler.)  You get body FRICTION, science
>FICTION, perfect DICTION, and Seagate STICTION!!  Yes, it's even BETTER
>THAN THE REAL THING!

And likely to sell more copies than U2 on a bad day.

Who did the voiceovers?  Androgenous Pat?  I found the voice
heartwarming, yet cold, sensous, yet totally sexless...  So, I
figure it's either Boy George, Pat, or David Bowie.  Or all three, in
a senseless rhapsodic chorus of lustful neuteredness.

>	Every time you win a game, the 134-piece Grand National Flugelhorn
>Orchestra of Chickenmilk, Wisconsin plays "King of the Sleaze" in an amazing
>OCTOPHONIC SOUND PANORAMA, while the man/woman/thing/whatever of your choice
>casually, yet forcefully, removes another piece of armor...  uh... I mean
>clothing.  And when you lose, gigantic mechanical arms BURST out of your
>Amiga's outer casing, PIN YOU DOWN, and RIP off whatever scrap of cloth it
>can GRAB FIRST.  (We recommend that you play BLAZEPOKER facing AWAY from the
>computer.)

I've noticed a bug--it seems to think hair and clothing are one in the
same.  Now, while I still have my ponytail, I'm a little disturbed at
what it grabbed and ripped off after my underwear.  I'm not sure if I
want to tell Customer Service about that, though.  They'll likely want
to look, and, well, words need not explain the embarassment.

>	Finally, BLAZEPOKER has the same BLINDING SPEED found in our flagship
>product, BLAZEMONGER.  The images WHIP past your eyes so quickly that if you
>blink, you'll miss several full games!!  In fact, it's so AMAZINGLY QUICK
>that you can't even SEE ANYTHING!!  But you'll KNOW they're there, thanks to
>the TRUST you have in BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED's AWESOME product line!  If
>you have any problem with this, call "Customer Service", and they'll be
>happy to turn on the gigantic mechanical arms again.

Oh.  Is that all?  Okay, I'll call right away, then.  :)  If that's
all they do, I must say, the support isn't nearly as good as
BLAZEMONGER's.  If BLAZEMONGER's Customer Service team ever did
something as silly as that, I'd laugh them off the face of the planet.

At least until they injected me with the Windex.

>	"Customer Service" will be right by.  Sorry, had to do it. :-)

Naturally.  :)

Greg

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