From: fslao1@acad3.alaska.edu (Ossander Linda A)
Subject: Re: Hello, another first post
Followup-To: Another first post 
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-a3  
Keywords: Molest get past it 
Reply-To: fslao1@acad3.alaska.edu
Organization: University of Alaska - Fairbanks
Distribution:  world
Date: Sun, 26 Jul 1992 02:19:47 GMT

In article <BrpKFt.6Lu@twwells.com>, anon-1154@twwells.com writes...
>A netfriend of mine suggested I look in on this list awhile back.  I've been
>scanning now and then, working up the courage to post.  But it's hard.  I saw
>a therapist briefly when I was about 18 years old.  I was a newlywed at that
>time, and certain sexual activities would trigger anxiety attacks and feelings
>of revulsion.  My husband still insisted I perform these acts.  Right around
>that same time The Exorcist was playing, and we went to see it.  It really
>messed me up, and I was terrified of the dark.  This embarrassed me, but I
>struggled to maintain a normal facade.  About the only useful thing I learned
>in therapy
>Warning:  Details will follow, sensitive readers should hit delete...

Hi Chris,
This struck a very heavy cord in me.  As alot of the same stuff happened to me
growing up.


 We were quite the
>religious, God fearing family.  Very, very active in all church activities.
>The hypocracy was obvious. 

One reason why I do not go to church even though I do believe in God.


>I confided in a trusted neighbor with I was about 15.  By that time, my dad
>was becomming more anxious to "graduate" to having intercourse with me.  I
>was afraid of becomming pregnant.  Anyway, after recovering from the initial
>shock, my neighbor told my mother.  She didn't tell me about their conversa-
>tion, she simply forbade me to have any more contact with him.  One day I
>snuck over to ask him about it, and he told me he'd confided everything to
>her.  He was surprised that she'd taken no action whatsoever.  Then he made
>a pass at me.  So I quit going over there on my own.

Ya once some people find out you were molested it was like oh goody I can do it
too. *Sigh*  I had others molest me because they knewthey could get away with
it.  Why not others had...It was a very traumatic and sad time in my life.



>The school guidance counceler, and a teacher, each approached my mother on
>separate occasions suggesting that I be taken for counseling.  She and my
>father were furious with me!  

I remember one time a teacher told my parents I wanted to go to school 7 days a
week because I loved school so much. I got the shit slapped out of me for that
one.  Never try to tell family secrets.  Not when you are defensless anyway.


>Maybe some of them do, I don't know.  I don't imagine a person can go thru
>this much and not be scarred, but then, I count myself lucky.  I'm alive.

A very important thing to remeber is that you made it! So did I and who knows
how many others. 


>And I'm angry.  I'm angry with my (now deceased) grandfather, and to my
>grandmother (Mimi) for not helping me, and for blaming me later on.  I'm
>angry with my father for mollesting me and I'm even angrier with my mother
>for pretending not to know, thereby neglecting her responsiblilty to love
>me enough to protect me.  And I'm furious with her for not helping me when
>the proverbial shit hit the fan (she set a trap for my father to go after
>me, then when he did, both he and she blamed me).  I've had so much anger
>for so long.  I want to take my parents and tie them to a chair and make
>them listen to me while I rant and rave and scream and cry and tell them
>I think they are beneath contempt for using me the way they did, and for
>hurting me and allowing me to be hurt for all those long, sad years.

Yes I agree I wanted to do that also I think it is part of the healing process
that we go thru.  I know for myself the anger was good cause it is what
finially made me realize they are not worth it!  I wasted to much emotiona and
anger on people who really did not give a shit except for their own needs.  I
was wasting my energy trying to get them to feel bad about it. So I have gone
past the anger and now I am trying to make a life for myself.


> 
>Do you ever, ever get past it????.........

As I already said YES Chris you can get past it. It takes workand lots of pain
and tears but it does get better.  From one who has been there and back again.

> 
>For now, just sign me - Chris
> 
Welcome to the group Chris I wish you peace and happiness.
*HUGS* if you want them if not pass them on.

                        -Linda-

> 

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery