From: billc@housing.msstate.edu (Bill Chapman)
Subject: Re: Raising a child for Christ
Organization: Housing Department, Mississippi State University
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 13:51:32 GMT

In article <9208170914.AA02289@Aragorn> Claus Tondering <ct@DDE.DK> writes:
>And as I said, she is the only one of our children who behaves like this.

The mystery that constantly amazes me is how different each of my children 
is, both from each other and from us parents.  Yet, this is just the way it 
is with the church, much diversity in one family.  The older each child 
gets, the more responsibility we give him or her.  Yes, we also have one 
whose natural inclinations are not in line with ours, and I think the 
biggest challenge for me is to accept him in his uniqueness for who he
is, and to do the best I can as a father and an example, and to be sure to 
apologize when my anger at those differences is unjustified, and to try to 
show love in ways that meet his needs.

I DO love all my children, but it is sometimes hard to show it, especially 
in ways they understand, and especially when they are different.

>What this adds up to is that she is very reluctant to get any Christian
>input. Not because she resents Christianity, but because she resents
>anything that is even slightly boring.

The essence of the christian life is being able to say, "Not what I want, 
but what You want," to God.  The thing I have to balance is how much to 
enforce this concept on the children, and how much leeway to give them, 
allowing them to develop their own self-control.  The case is very similar 
to the way God has spoken to His people.  First, he spoke in the Law;
then, in the Spirit.  The Law was our schoolmaster, teaching us from the 
outside in, how we are to live, until the Spirit comes, and leads us from 
the inside out.

As the children are young, we enforce more Law; as they get older, we give 
them more freedom of their spirits.  The haunting question through the 
process is, "How will they say, 'Not my will, but Thine,' to God, if they 
don't say it to their parents?"   

I have an eleven year old daughter, as well, and recognize how complex the 
problem is at that age.  One just doesn't know what is happening in that 
mind.  A friend of her age in a large family like ours has committed suicide 
in the past year.  No one is sure why.  It causes me as a parent to fear for 
my own children, especially as I wonder if my own inconsistencies as a 
parent might be a contributing cause to such confusion in the child.

>I think she is (still) a Christian. But for how long will she remain a
>Christian when she grows up, if she continues to avoid a Christian
>environment? How can we help her? We do require of her to go to church,
>but forcing her to do things cannot be healthy in the long run.

This is one area where the doctrine of the Sovereignty of God gives me 
great hope.  As Jesus said,

   ...and I give eternal life to them, and they shall never perish;
   and no one shall snatch them out of My hand.  My Father, who has
   given them to Me, is greater than all;  and no one is able to snatch
   them out of the Father's hand.  -- John 10:28,29.
 
I will pray for your family, and ask that you pray for mine.

--
Bill Chapman <BillC@Housing.MSState.edu>   (601) 325-2042
Computing Consultant <wcc1@Msstate.bitnet> P.O. Box 1262
Dept. of Housing & Residence Life          Mississippi State, MS  39762
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