From: terjej@edb.tih.no (Terje Johansen,o90b)
Subject: test yourself!
Reply-To: terjej@edb.tih.no
Posting-Front-End: Winix Conference v 92.05.15  1.20 (running under MS-Windows)
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 22:13:58 GMT


I found this floating around on a site. Enjoy, or dont...

 
 It's striking more and more people!  Like a plague it sweeps the nation!
 It knows no bounds - black, white, tall, short, thin, fat, that dweeb
 sitting next to you - maybe every your family members!  Computer
 Geekdom!
 
 Are you worried about yourself?  Do you feel drawn towards computer
 displays?  In shopping malls do you slow down by money machines?  Do you
 drop computer buzzwords like "Disk" and "Mega" in conversation?  Do you
 own a Car-Computer?
 
 If you've answered yes to one of the above, it may already be too late.
 Do this test now, and see if your future holds fun, fortune and
 adventure, or 3 Meg floppies and a guest appearance on "The Worst of
 Oprah", a 467 part repeat series..
 
 Try and be honest - remember, you're only cheating yourself.
 
 1.  A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of your
     preferred sex.  Do you:
 
     A.  Openly Ogle
     B.  Act Non-Chalant
     C.  Comment "Gee, that's got to be at least 400 dpi, colour!"
     D.  Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good, old-fashioned
         executive relief.
 
 2.  You're at a party.  Someone comes over and asks you your star sign.
     You:
     A.  Tell them to bugger off
     B.  Lay them one in the groin, then tell them to bugger off.
     C.  I don't go to parties.
     D.  I don't get invited to parties.
 
 3.  You're at the head of a large queue in front of a cash-register in a
     large department store.  The register gives a >beep< and stops dead.
     You:
     A.  Wait patiently
     B.  Plant all the stuff you were going to buy in a nearby baby
         carriage and call the store detective (to while away the time)
     C.  Break out your ever-present C64 notebook and try to debug the
         thing
     D.  I don't know
 
 4.  You're shopping for some personal hygiene equipment when the chemist
     runs up saying the prescription database on his 386 is corrupt.
     You:
     A.  What's a prescription database?
     B.  What's a 386?
     C.  What's personal hygenie?
     D.  What was the question again?
 
 5.  A friend wants to borrow a record off you.  You
     A.  Lend it out, and tell them it's a boomerang.
     B.  Tell them to go buy it.
     C.  Consult the database to see that status of the record concerned
     D.  Sell it to them for a beer.
 
 6.  You'd most like to meet:
     A.  The person who wrote "Gulag Acapeligo"
     B.  The person who wrote "War and Peace"
     C.  The person who wrote MSDOS
     D.  A person who can write
 
 7.  You win a "Grocery-Grab" at a local supermarket.  You've got one
     minute to pack a cart with as much stuff as you can.  You start:
     A.  In the Liquor Section
     B.  In the Confectionary Lane
     C.  At the Pencil Bar
     D.  At the cash register
 
 8.  You've been hit by a car and your life flashes before your eyes.
     The thing you remember most vividly is:
     A.  Your Mother's voice as a child
     B.  Your first Love
     C.  The Ascii table.
     D.  The tire pressure was maybe a little too high
 
 9.  You get to compete on blind date.  You have one statement to change
     the choosers mind about you.  You say:
     A.  I've got a 12 inch tounge
     B.  I can go all night
     C.  I'VE GOT A 386SX with 64K Ram Cache
     D.  I've killed 5 people
 
 10. You feel naked without your:
     A.  Electric Guitar
     B.  Wallet
     C.  VT100 reference guide
     D.  Axe
 
 11. You see someone standing on a ledge, about to jump.  You can save
     them if you say the right thing.  You say:
     A.  I know things are bad, but do you want to talk about it?
     B.  I feel you just need someone to talk to
     C.  Want to come and play on my C64?
     D.  I bet you haven't got the guts.... . . .  Oh, I see you did...
 
 12. You told your best friend the first time you:
     A.  Had Sex
     B.  Had Oral Sex
     C.  Got a Ram expansion
     D.  Killed a cat.
 
 13. No-one understands you like:
     A.  Your Mother
     B.  Your Father
     C.  Your PC
     D.  Your Parole Officer
 
 14. For your 18th birthday you wanted:
     A.  A Car
     B.  A Shaver
     C.  A C64 Cassette Drive
     D.  Some Piano Wire, and the Neigbours Cat
 
 Mostly A's:
 
 You're normal.  Boring Boring Boring.  You're the sort of person who'll
 justy fritter their way thru life enjoying themselves and having a good
 time.  Shame on you!
 
 Mostly B's:
 
 You're mostly normal.  Nothing a little ECT can't clear away in any
 case.  You mostly come into the "Mostly A's" above.
 
 Mostly C's:
 
 Geek Alert!  Break out the pocket protector!  With a set of horn rims
 and a pocket calculator, you're ready for Revenge Part #72.  You can be
 the person that gets beat up all the time.
 
 Mostly D's:
 
 So you're a socipath;  But that doesn't mean you're a bad person.  Just
 keep taking the Lithium and everything'll be fine
 
 Are you STILL a computer geek?
 
 Ok, so you lucked out last time - you were about as socially adjusted as
 a onion and jelly sandwhich, BUT YOU MIGHT HAVE CHANGED!  You may not be
 a computer geek any more!   It's possible!!!  (Not probable, but
 possible)  Test yourself now!
 
 1.  It's a stag party for one of your friends.  You and the rest of your
     friends all put money in for:
     a.  A set of driving mirrors
     b.  A stripper
     c.  A stripper with a set of driving mirrors
     d.  A VGA screen so he can check out alt.sex.pictures.of.girlies
 
 2.  You want to improve your social life.  You
     a.  Ask people to go out with you.
     b.  Join a club to meet new people
     c.  Drink yourself unconcious and forget about it.
     d.  What's a social life?
 
 3.  You ideal partner would have:
     a.  Looks
     b.  Intelligence
     c.  Money
     d.  A 1.2 Gig Hard Drive, Twin floppies + SVGA screen, and 5 Meg
         Memory
 
 4.  You have the most horrific nightmare of your life.  It involves:
     a.  You driving off a cliff
     b.  You showing up somewhere with no clothes on
     c.  A hungry alsation, your private parts and some tomato sauce.
     d.  A tax on pocket protectors and thick glasses
 
 5.  You're on blind date.   The question you would ask is:
     a.  "Name the weirdest place you ever kissed someone"
     b.  "Name the weirdest place you ever made love"
     c.  "Name the weirdest place you ever played soggy biscuit"
     d.  "Name the weirdest place you ever booted MSDOS 4"
 
 6.  Your role model is:
     a.  Rudolf Steiner
     b.  Mother Theresa
     c.  Charlie Manson
     d.  R2D2
 
 7.  Your favourite fashion accessory is:
     a.  Winklepickers
     b.  Collar Studs
     c.  An axe
     d.  What's fashion?
 
 8.  If you had your life to live again, would you:
     a.  Make no changes
     b.  Make a few changes
     c.  Make a lot of changes
     d.  Upgrade to SVGA
 
 9.  Your favourite pickup line is:
     a.  "I've just won the lottery"
     b.  "Has anyone seen the keys to my Porsche?"
     c.  "$hit, I'm pissed"
     d.  "I'm superuser at work.."
 
 10. During sexual climax, you think of:
     a.  Your partner
     b.  Your partner's body
     c.  Yourself
     d.  The 487 co-processor at 52 Meg
 
 Scoring
 -------
 You don't really need the score card do you?  Mostly A's or B's means
 you're the normal run-of-the-mill,  90212 (the house next door) walk
 alike, talk alike that gives us real jerks a bad name; C's mean you're
 a..   Well, frankly, I don't know what you are, but it's probably
 treatable with large amounts of voltage, and D's of course means that
 you've got a fantastic career stretched out in front of you as far as
 your nose can see.  Happy camping.


-- 
Terje Johansen at Trondheim College of Engineering, Norway.

Bury me deep. The next generations will be hungry.
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes,rec.humor