From: Thad_Engeling@quickmail.natinst.com (Thad Engeling)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: My New Year's Eve
Date: 7 Jan 1993 11:34:06 GMT
Organization: National Instruments
NNTP-Posting-Host: trinity.natinst.com

> Orion writes:
> Call some friends, no one is at home. Get spiffed up, wearing my
> black pants, nin-fixed T-shirt, Nikes, and hair pulled back in a harsh
> ponytail.
Har. I applaud your choice of shirt. I wore a Jesus and Mary Chain shirt,
black jeans, combat boots, and left my hair loose and fucked up.
I didn't want to look to happy. Fat chance.

> Go home, angrier than I've ever been since I matured enough to realize anger
> doesn't solve anything (re:6 years). Angry at myself, my situation, my
> absolute fear of the opposite sex. (Have a couple of relationships
> fuck you over lately? Yep.)
A lot of this going around it seems.

I had three options:
1) Go to Beasley, Texas and spend new year with my parents and
their friends, who are all fundamentalist, charismatic,
Missouri Synod Lutherans. (how's that for fucked up?)
2) Go to some party which featured Karaoke music. No thanks.
3) Go to a party at a friends house here in Austin.
Obvious really.
Earlier in the day Jake (Emily's brother) called me and said that the
reason that Ali wasn't interested in me was because I was "too nice".
So I said "fuck it, I'm going to get drunk."
I knew Ali would be at Emily's party, and since for the last gods
know how many weeks I have been hung up on her, well I had no choice.
So I went and proceeded to get thouroughly drunk just as I had planned.
Bad mistake.
As soon as I got drunk enough, I spilled my guts to Emily. Told her
how much I liked Ali, how no woman has ever affected me as strongly, etc.
Emily told me to get over it. Ali flirts with every one, and she's
already bored of me.
This didn't help much, so I got thouroughly smashed.
Midnight came with it's rituals.
I sat on the couch watching everyone kissing. Somehow Ali ended up
sitting next to me. See hugged me, so I kissed her. Of course I was
so drunk that it was clumsy, probably the worst kiss in history.
Then I just got up and walked away. I don't know why. Maybe things
would have been different if I had stayed sober.
Too fucking late now.
Sometime later, I had completely lost track of time, I found myself
outside. Angry. I started attacking trees and telephone poles,
banging my head against a light post, and thrashing about on the ground.
Just like a kid throwing a temper tantrum. Apparently I didn't say much
except "too fucking nice" over and over. I also got offended at some
guests who were leaving the party and ran at them waving my fist in the
air and screaming. Apparently I scared them pretty bad. Shit. I can
hardly believe it now. I feel like a fucking idiot, and well I should.
Finally someone calmed me down and I ended up sitting on the couch,
blind to everything around me.
I spent the night there. Ali didn't even though she had been planning to.
Too get away from me? I wouldn't doubt it.
I've spent the last week brooding over the whole damned situation.
I wonder if things are completely irrepairable now.

I'm through whining now.
god I love this newsgroup.
-Thad

Newsgroups: alt.angst