From: zagar@chester.cms.udel.edu (Randy Zagar)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Re: SWM from Washington, D.C. seeks perfect SWF
Date: 29 Jul 92 14:33:22 GMT
Reply-To: zagar@chester.cms.udel.edu
Organization: Marine Studies, University of Delaware

In article 10393@lemuria.sai.com, ap.2631@cupid.sai.com () writes:
>
>        I am looking for a woman who is perfect for me.  My friends say
> that what I seek is impossible to find, for everyone has flaws.  While
> this is true, I hope that I can find a woman who is compatible enough
> with me that I consider her to be perfect.
>

A couple of questions:

    - Who in their right mind wants to start a relationship KNOWING that
      they will be constantly measured against 'perfection' ?

    - And *IF* such perfection did exist (which I doubt), do you actually believe
      that they deserve *you* as a partner?  If you do, then isn't that a bit
      arrogant ?

    - Since this 'perfection' seems to be rather ill-defined, what happens to this
      mere mortal when you perceive her to be less than perfect?  Does it mean
      that it's time to move on, time to find someone else who's *more* perfect?

>
> I don't know if I will ever find a woman like that, but I have faith in myself
> because I know that I am a wonderful lover.
> 

Another question:

    - Isn't it awkward basing your entire self-image on your sexual prowess?
      For instance, what happens when (for medical or psychological reasons)
      you find yourself impotent.  Does your self-image collapse like a crumpled
      leaf?

> I don't think too highly of computers;
> only a couple of weeks ago I didn't know what the News Net was.  I don't
> think that I will find the person I am looking for this way, but know
> that it probably could not hurt.

    - And just exactly what are we supposed to infer from a statement like this ?

>     The woman I am looking for has an interest in chemistry or
> medicine.  She is very tall and has a European-looking face.  She is an
> atheist.  She enjoys doing romantic things like going on a picnic near a
> lake.  She dresses professionally, not like a hick.  She has a taste for
> the best things in life and a broad educational background.  Sometimes
> she could beat me in the games we would play.  She likes men who can
> really satisfy her.

    - Okay, so here we see that your standards are based on physical appearance
      and a good wardrobe.  What about the person underneath the exterior ?
      Which is *actually* more important ?

>     Less than a week ago I broke up with my girlfriend because I felt
> that she was not perfect for me and that if I fell in love with her any
> deeper I would never again have the strength to do it.  I am not
> interested in falling in love with a person who I am less compatible
> with than she was, so please do not respond unless you think that we
> might be right for each other.

    - I'm sorry, but that was a real shitty thing to do.  If I knew where 
      your ex-girlfriend worked, I'd send her flowers and say "I'm sorry
      you're hurting because your ex-boyfiend expected you to be perfect.
      Here's some flowers to help cheer you up." 

Although it may appear otherwise, I'm not *really* trying to rip you to shreds
here.  It's just that there seem to be some rather severe deficiencies in your
attitude.  What I would hope is that you would take some time and re-consider
your attitudes and expectations concerning relationships.

Expecting perfection from your partner really isn't fair, and your intolerance/fear
of getting involved with an imperfect person doesn't leave much of an opening for
us mere mortals.


Randy Zagar
zagar@chester.cms.udel.edu