From: andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Reality is an illusion
Date: 8 Sep 92 14:53:35 GMT
Organization: Spider Systems Limited, Edinburgh, UK.

Picture the scene.....Its midnight, you've been in the pub (aka 'bar') all night
You've drunk enough alcohol to kill 15 rhinos and  you've been rejected by
33 girls, one Scotsman and an Albanian Sailor. 

Time for something to eat. You stagger off in the direction you hope is home.
The friendly lights of a Chinese Take Away beckon you like a siren in the
night (poetic eh ?)

A little bell rings as you force your way past the Irish man passed out in the
doorway (you wonder what he's just eaten 'cos the bit that he's sicked up looks
quite good.)

The old guy behind the counter asks you what you want. You feel an urge to take
the piss out of the guy, but you remember last time....The operation was quick
but very embarresing (and who would have thought those Lychees would fit up 
there ?)

15 minutes later you're stood on the pavement clutching a bag full of Chinese
multi coloured MSG and salt. Time to go home. Your brain is beginning to hang
those little "Out To Lunch" signs up. Luckily you've done this many times
before and auto pilot locks in.

You get to the front door and play hunt the key for 10 minutes or so. The door 
opens and you stagger in. Someone has moved the light switch so you stagger into
your living room in the dark. Suddenly the coffee table becomes a highly 
trained Ninja. You trip, the plastic bag of MSg hits the wall (creating a much
nicer pattern than last weeks pizza) All goes black.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I wake up. Its Sunday. I know its Sunday because someone has taken a shit in
my mouth, smashed my head in with a large mallet and forced me to eat raw eggs
sprinkled with mustard powder. The large pile of drying food indicates that I 
did'nt come straight home last night and the overturned coffee table shows
that I should'nt walk around in the dark.

I stand up. Easy, I could get used to this. 

My first clue that all was not well was the large blue bottle sitting in my
favourite armchair. Not good.

I shake my head and look again. The bluebottle has been replaced by a large
penguin wearing a Kiss Me Quick hat and smoking a large pinapple. 

I deceided that things are going to get worse, I should have stayed drunk. I
leave my flat via the bedroom window to avoid the crowd of Lemmings asking
directions to Dover.

I walk down the road, carefully avoiding the beans, a crow stands on the
street corner playing the fiddle. I pretend to look the other way, I learnt
my lesson at Easter.

I get to the park with no difficulty. A dog stands at the gate pointing to a
sign which says:-

       All Men Must be On a Lead.
       Keep Off the Path.
       Beware the Juniper Bush.

I think I need another drink.....
-- 
|      Andy Cannon       |"Love is what seperates us from the animals"       |
| Misplaced Yorkshireman |                                                   |
|   Spider Systems Ltd   |"No, what seperates us from the animals is that we |
|  andrewc@spider.co.uk  |don't clean our own genitals with our tongue"      |
Newsgroups: rec.humor