HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: sieferme@milton.u.washington.edu (Eric Sieferman)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Back to Dan (was  Earl Butz)
Date: 14 Aug 92 16:16:04 GMT
Organization: University of Washington, Seattle

In article <1992Aug13.194242.3773@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> pat@sphinx.phys.Virginia.EDU (pat walsh) writes:
>John R. Dooley writes:
>
>>No, definitely Gerald Ford's.  As I recall, he told his infamous joke
>>to a neighbor on a press plane and (if memory serves) John Dean (yes,
>>the John Dean of the White House tapes fame) disclosed it in an article.
>>(I may be mistaken about who first revealed the joke -- it may have
>>been Woodward or Bernstein, but Dean really sticks in my mind.)
>
>Okay, as the guy who originally contended that Earl Butz worked for Ford,
>I finally decided to look it up.  It was definitely Ford.  I was too lazy
>to walk over to the UVa library and check the encyclopedia, but I did
>check their online card catalogue and found a reference to some testimony
>Butz gave as Secretary of Agriculture before the Senate Agriculture and
>Forestry Committee on February 20th, 1975, which would place him within
>the Ford Administration.
>

I too was alive and rational at the time; I'm pretty sure that Mr.
Butz was originally part of the Nixon gang, and was held over
when we traded a Nixon for a Ford.

Back to JDQ.  I was musing about him the other day, and began
to wonder:  eventually, he will no longer work near the top of
the executive branch of the federal government.  Maybe this 
glorious event will happen this November, maybe we will have to
wait four more years (and I am assuming that the conservative
branch of the Republican Party is not so suicidal as to promote
JDQ to lead the ticket in '96).  

So, what job does anyone think the Dandroid will perform when
he is no longer veep?  In an unrelated question, what job is
he really qualified for?  It would be a shame if he totally
dropped out of public life, as he is the most entertaining
public figure since Timothy Leary.

-- 
| Eric Sieferman            |   "Winning cures everything."          |
| U. of W., M.C.I.S.        |     -- The Fabulous Sports Babe        |
| sieferme@u.washington.edu |                                        |
From: vancleef@ohstpy.mps.ohio-state.edu
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Quayle Quotes for your PC!
Date: 20 Aug 92 16:41:48 EDT


Following are two uuencoded pieces for 'quote.zip' which includes
the Dan Quayle Special Convention Issue quayle.txt file for
you rebooting pleasure (on MSDOS machines).

Simply install 'quote.exe' in your default path, copy the file
'quayle.txt' into a directory such as \util, and put the line

quote \util\quayle.txt

into your autoexec.bat file! Everytime you boot your machine you
get one of the wonderful gems of Our Boy! Fun for the whole FAMILY!

-Garrett
From: kuzio@vax.path.ox.ac.uk
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Another tune
Date: 16 Aug 92 23:27:56 GMT
Organization: Oxford University Molecular Biology Data Centre
Nntp-Posting-User: kuzio

I posted this sometime ago as the B-side to 'What a Wonderful World' (now
long since scrolled off), but it turns out our netnews outgoing wasn't
getting past the local gateway.  So, what the heck, here it is again
(just because I still have it lying around), a bit out of date, and
with apologies to Led Zep and their fans ...


                   Fairway to D.C.

There's a Hoosier whose sure
All that matters is golf
And he's renting a room in the White House
He just sits there and knows
If he keeps his mind closed
That they'll get what his Daddy has paid for

And he's renting a room in the White House

In the class room again
He stares hard at the cards
'Cause you know sometimes words have two spellings
Gives a speech by the book
Doesn't know what it means
Sometimes thinking can make things confusing

And he doesn't wonder
He really doesn't wonder

There's a feeling he gets
When he turns on the set
That he's inside the box looking outside
In his mind he can see
He's like Jack Kennedy
And he can't understand why they ask, "Why?"

And he doesn't wonder
He really doesn't wonder

To lower the debt
He defines his targets
In the end everything comes out backwards
He will blame Murphy Brown
For the riots downtown
And the media just howl with laughter

And he doesn't wonder
He really doesn't wonder

If there's a war in south east Asia
    Don't be alarmed boy
Just don't go burning your draft card
Yes there are two ways you can sign up
    To serve your country
You don't get shot at in the National Guard

Your golf games better now by three strokes
    Yes thank God folks
Since George invited you to join him
Dear Danny do you not feel hollow
    Since you must know
Your fairway lie is another buy

Yes there's a Hoosier who's a fop
Who's just a heartbeat from the top
And while George lives he'll do no harm
But this assumption can be wrong
For though he has a mind that's lost
The truth will dawn on Dan at last
That if you throw enough money
You'll be the Prez and not V.P.

And he's renting a room in the White House

                                  John Kuzio
                                  Oxford, 1992
-- 

===============================================================================
Data/Troy '92  or  Troy/Data '92  

John Kuzio              kuzio@vax.path.ox.ac.uk              kuzio@oxford.ac.uk
===============================================================================
Organization: Information Networking Institute, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 09:47:32 -0400 
From: "Joshua M. Sabloff" <jsa5+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: Double messages on abortion
	<19AUG92175701@adcalc.fnal.gov>
	<weZ0YOy00awQM15JlX@andrew.cmu.edu>
Distribution: world

Excerpts from netnews.alt.fan.dan-quayle: 20-Aug-92 Re: Double messages
on abor.. Nanci Ann Miller@andrew. (942)

> it's fascinating to imagine
> somebody Quayle can pick for his running mate who would cause us to say we
can't impeach Quayle, we'd only get you-know-who.

Ummm...  "Don't kill President Quayle, you'll put Pat Buchannan in office!"

<shudder>

-Josh Sabloff (jsa5@andrew.cmu.edu)
"Now go away before I taunt you a second time-a!"
Xref: sparky alt.fan.dan-quayle:2423 alt.politics.bush:1387 alt.politics.clinton:1821
From: jdooley@maemaster.eng.uci.edu (John R. Dooley)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle,alt.politics.bush,alt.politics.clinton
Subject: Re: The Republicans are confusing me again...
Date: 13 Aug 92 17:02:01 GMT
Organization: University of California, Irvine

In article <7+=yptg@rpi.edu> blythes@cs.rpi.edu (Stephen Blythe) writes:
>
>Republican Logic ?????
>
>Can you say PARADOX ??? 
>
Yep, and I can say OXYMORON too.


John D.
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle,alt.politics.clinton,alt.politics.bush
From: wilder@mik.uky.edu (jeff wilder)
Subject: Re: Call 1-900-IDIOT-VEEP: I'm Channelling Dannikins
Organization: University Of Kentucky, Dept. of Math Sciences
Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1992 01:51:50 GMT

I for one *know* it's a damn hoax!  If *I* can't figure out this
damn newsreader, I *know* Dan Quayle can't.

Even channelled.

--
================================================================================
| Jeff W   uk06666@ukpr.uky.edu | Meddle not in the affairs of cats, for they  |
| Wilder   & wilder@mik.uky.edu | are subtle, and will piss on your cyberdeck. |
================================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: dks@athena.mit.edu (dks)
Subject: Re: WHY? (was: Re: Content-free Discourse (was Re: FAQ: The Record Thing))
Organization: MIT, Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA.
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 1992 19:17:30 GMT

In article <1992Aug19.162512.27523@news.uit.no>,
tomg@stud.cs.uit.no (Tom Grydeland) writes:
>It's not that I don't enjoy the flames and all the interesting (NOT) views
>on abortion some people insist on airing on this channel, but I must wonder:
>*Why* do you answer these guys when it's so darn obvious he's baiting you?
>He must be laughing his *ss off seeing how much flamage he gets in return.


Why?

Purely for his entertainment and your cynical pleasure, of course.


Dhanesh

PS: It may be amusing to you up there in Tromsoe, buddy, but it's
    my government we're talking about, and these noble savages of the
    right wing have one vote each, just like I do.  You must pardon me
    if I seem a little nervous about the outcome, OK?

Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle,alt.politics.bush
From: egl1@cunixf.cc.columbia.edu (Elizabeth G. Levy)
Subject: Re: stupid, blood sucking (unfunny) media
Reply-To: egl1@cunixf.cc.columbia.edu (Elizabeth G. Levy)
Organization: Columbia University
Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1992 06:11:47 GMT

In article <1992Aug14.192729.14000@math.okstate.edu> russ@math.okstate.edu (Russ "Random" Smith) writes:
>
>Spy doesn't pretend to espouse priorities, just humor. :)

Yeah, right, Spy's still funny. :-)

I stopped my subscription two years ago after 4 or 5 disappointing issues.



--
But this is.
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Re: Family Values?
From: cdillon@ecst.csuchico.edu (Charles (Tarzan) Dillon)
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 1992 04:17:07 GMT
Organization: California State University, Chico

In article <1992Aug21.164301.13495@mcshub.dcss.mcmaster.ca> bunker@physun.physics.mcmaster.ca (Alex Bunker) writes:
>In article <TAK.92Aug21081327@tazboy.jpl.nasa.gov> tak@tazboy.jpl.nasa.gov (Tom Kreitzberg) writes:
>>Cat Stanton writes:
>>
>>> I really have a problem with THIS farcical theme being first and foremost
>>> at the Republican National Convention. First off, didn't Tanya Tucker,
>>> unwed mother of two, sing on the opening night?
>>
>>Yes, she sang "The Star Spangled Banner." According to _Entertainment
>>Tonight_, that elite media Hollywood toadie, she wanted to use her 
>>position to try to change the Danster's mind about single mothers. A
>>Qualye aide told _ET_ that the Vice President would be happy to have
>>the chance to try to talk Tanya into getting married for the sake of
>>her children.
>
>How bizarre this repubican party amazes me more and more!
>Does he propose anyone in particular for her to get married to?
>like as if getting married is like going down to the store and bying a 
>microwave oven!

My dear ALEX, Nothing could be further from the truth!  mariages have to
be arrainged, doweries negotiated, astrologers consulted (according to
queen Nancy Reagan), and credit histories checked.  This is after all
the decade of FAMILY VALUES ;-)

>
>ALEX
>.
>ven


-- 
If you understand, things are just as they are.        |               Charles
If you do not understand, things are just as they are. |               Dillon
	Zen Buddhist saying                            |        Some disclimer
						       |        should go here.
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: glass@adcalc.fnal.gov (Michael Glass)
Subject: Molly Ivins strikes again
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-a4  
Reply-To: glass@adcalc.fnal.gov
Organization: Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory
Distribution:  world
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 00:43:23 GMT

     On this afternoon's NPR national call-in show, Molly Ivins said she
had noticed that the Quayles always look so *familiar* as a couple.  Dan
Quayle resembles princess Diana, and Marilyn Quayle looks like prince
Charles.

-- Michael Glass
   glass@adcalc.fnal.gov
From: michael@mileva.bu.edu (Michael Chaplin)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Re: Moree Dane Quaylee Humore
Date: 20 Aug 92 22:45:56 GMT
Organization: Boston University
In-reply-to: 01jmbrown@bsu-ucs.uucp's message of 20 Aug 92 15:03:39 GMT

Just wanted to pass this one along...
In article <1992Aug20.100339.8929@bsu-ucs.uucp> 01jmbrown@bsu-ucs.uucp writes:

  =Recently I read an article by Dave Barry, who in spite of his occupation
  =as a humorist writer, that cited a supposably actual quote by Dan Quayle:

  ="Whenever possible, children should have parents."

  =Not hard to believe that Quayle said it, considering his "family-values"
  =emphasis, but amusing if you consider the chicken-and-egg concept.

  =-J. Brown

Chaplin.
--
===========================================================================
Michael Chaplin                    Language is a virus from outer space.
michael@albert.bu.edu                     - William S. Burroughs

The Einstein Papers Project        The opinions contained herein reflect
Boston University                      neither those of the project, 
Boston, Massachusetts, U.S.A.          nor those of Albert Einstein.
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: garrett@Ingres.COM (QUOTE OF THE YEAR)
Subject: Re: Molly Ivins strikes again
Summary: 
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1  
Keywords: 
Organization: ASK Computer Systems, Ingres Product Division
Date: 20 Aug 92 01:43:14 GMT

In article <1992Aug20.011725.26096@pony.Ingres.COM>, garrett@Ingres.COM (QUOTE OF THE writes...
In article <19AUG92184323@adcalc.fnal.gov>, glass@adcalc.fnal.gov            writes...
>     On this afternoon's NPR national call-in show, Molly Ivins said she
>had noticed that the Quayles always look so *familiar* as a couple.  Dan
>Quayle resembles princess Diana, and Marilyn Quayle looks like prince
>Charles.
> 
>-- Michael Glass
>   glass@adcalc.fnal.gov

Does anyone know where Princess Di and Prince Charles have been the last
few days?
We may have run across the biggest incognito scandal since the Superman/
Clark Kent one. This one would have the element of cross-dressing too.

This all makes sense now! Princess Di didn't try to commit suicide
because she is in an unhappy marriage, it's becuase she/he couldn't SPELL
marriage.  
And Prince Charles doesn't keep falling down because he's clumsy, it's
because he/she is used to high heels. 

It's all so simple now! Why couldn't we see it before?

Garrett@Ingres.com
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle,alt.politics.bush,alt.politics.clinton
From: alexo+@cs.cmu.edu (Alex Orenshteyn)
Subject: I do not get this popularity for Barb (Re: Barbara's Speech)
Organization: School of Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 11:15:01 GMT

In article <16v1g0INN13s@agate.berkeley.edu> mazzarel@spam.berkeley.edu (Ariel Mazzarelli) writes:
>Actually I have little to say on what Barbara said,  as it was pretty
>bland.  Two things stand out:
>
>1. When she said how she liked to talk about "the healthiest man she knows".
>   Darn.  I wish the TV had shown us Dan's face.  
>
>2. I felt like I was the boss,  and I had to fire this employee that is
>   perhaps not a bad man,  but certainly incompetent.  And I call him up
>   to the office,  and he shows up with the wife and kids.
>
>Ok George,  you have a big family.  You have a lot of mouths to feed. 
>Ok George.  You're a responsible father.  Ok,  we'll overlook how Neil
>stiffed other (poorer,  less well-connected) heads of households with his
>S & L schemes.
>
>George,  you're fired.
>
>Ariel Mazzarelli


I simply fail to understand why Mrs. Bush is popular with the public
(of course in comparison to her imbecile husband it could make sense).
She looks like a dessicated q-tip with too much skin with personality
to match. Her family nickname is "Enforcer". So we know who is the head
of household in Bush's home. Her claim to fame is to have kept her
tongue behind her teeth for the past 12 years. I do not find her to have
a pleasant personality, so what is up?

Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: danwell@IASTATE.EDU (Daniel A Ashlock)
Subject: Re: Kill them all, let God sort them out.
Reply-To: danwell@IASTATE.EDU (Daniel A Ashlock)
Organization: Iowa State University
Date: Sun, 23 Aug 1992 14:53:57 GMT

In article <V26wPB2w165w@monsoon.com>, sg@monsoon.com (Sunil Gupta) writes:
> danwell@IASTATE.EDU (Daniel A Ashlock) writes:
> 
> [stuff deleted]
> 
> > own two hands.  Take for his example his "we are in a holy war" idea.  Lets
> > look at what holy wars do for countries or reigons.  The hundred years war:
> 
> [stuff deleted]
> 
> > 
> > India:
> > 
> >    Trivia fact: the Seihks (sp?) started as a pascifist movement attempting
t
> > reconcile the hindu and moslem factions in India.  How things change. 
> > ~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> While I agree with your general sentiment, your knowledge of Indian
> religious history, in this regard, is utterly wrong.

   My source was a public telivision show; they were doing a hour on Indian
History and said the first prophet of the Seihks was attempting to stop the 
war betweeen the Hindu and Moslem factions in the country.  The quote I recall
was "there is no Hindu, no Moslem, only <???hindi word here???>".  Followed
by a commentary in which they described the bloke as a pacifist.  They
then went through a series of nine more phrophets that ended up with the
current warlike demeanor.  The show was on about the time Gahndi's bodygaurds
blew her up.

   So, what _were_ they talking about and where did the Seihks come from?

If it takes more than 20 lines, e-mail me?  Suggestions for reading material
(in English) appreciated.

PS: telling me I'm utterly wrong annoys me if you don't also tell me what did
happen.  I miss the chance to learn.
 
> Sunil Gupta
> Monsoon Software, Inc.
> sg@monsoon.com

Dan
Danwell@IASTATE.EDU
From: karl@ima.isc.com (Karl Heuer)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Re: For True Republicans ... Quayle/Ford in '96!
Date: 13 Aug 92 23:26:58 GMT
Organization: Interactive Systems, Cambridge, MA 02138-5302

In article <1992Aug10.225355.6868@dartvax.dartmouth.edu> Joe.Francis@dartmouth.edu (Joe Francis) writes:
>Careful, everyone, it's a Quayle apologist.

I guess I am, in the sense that when someone tells a Quayle joke and claims
that the author was actually Quayle, rather than Dave Barry, I'll attempt to
correct them.  This should not be construed as any sort of support for having
JDQ in high office.


In article <1992Aug10.231401.15420@athena.mit.edu> dks@athena.mit.edu (dks) writes:
>1. I know stuttering, and Dannikins does not stutter.  He blathers, but
>   that's not the same as stuttering.

"I will never have another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy, Jimmy Carter,
Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo."  --JDQ

I dunno, it sure sounds like a stutter to me :-)

Anyway, my point was that in the quote in question ("past to the back"), the
words that came out of his mouth obviously weren't what he intended to say.
I stand by my statement that this does not imply mental incompetence.  (Note
that this is *not* the same thing as saying that JDQ *is* competent.)

Another of his common mistakes is to say "country" when he means "world", or
vice versa.  Again, I don't find this particularly interesting; I doubt that
anybody in this newsgroup seriously believes that Dan doesn't realize that
there are countries other than the USA, or that he really thinks he didn't
live in this century.

Now, in some more interesting quotes, he's demonstrated some ignorance about
Dubcek, Buzz Lukens, DDT, Florida crops, Mars, medical procedures, and
spelling (and probably others that I didn't catch while skimming the Quayle
Quotes File just now).  This in itself is not a serious flaw -- I wouldn't
have been able to get half of that right myself -- but I like to think that,
if I were in his shoes, I would know enough to either pay somebody to do some
research for me, or else keep quiet.

>The man's an idiot because he does not and will not learn when to keep his
>food-hole shut.


In article <1992Aug11.060225.8561@lsil.com> mitch@lsil.com (Mitch Sako) writes:
>I agree, but the term idiot is too harsh.  He's more of an imbecile.

I think I prefer "fool".  Who said, "it is better to keep quiet and be thought
a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt"?
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: cortez@milton.u.washington.edu (Tom Warner)
Subject: Re: Quayle for President
Organization: University of Washington, Seattle
Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1992 05:11:31 GMT

In article <1992Aug14.171854.27051@sco.COM> erics@sco.COM (eric smith) writes:
>
>jdooley@maemaster.eng.uci.edu (John R. Dooley) writes:
>
>>eck@panix.com (Mark Eckenwiler) writes:
>
>>>>pat@sphinx.phys.Virginia.EDU (pat walsh) writes:
>
>>>>> Doesn't the credit for this particular boner go to Earl Butz, Gerald Ford's
>>>>> Secretary of Agriculture 
>
>>>Nope, Butz was Carter's AgSec.
>
>>No, definitely Gerald Ford's.  As I recall, he told his infamous joke
>>to a neighbor on a press plane and (if memory serves) John Dean (yes,
>>the John Dean of the White House tapes fame) disclosed it in an article.
>>(I may be mistaken about who first revealed the joke -- it may have
>>been Woodward or Bernstein, but Dean really sticks in my mind.)
>
>Pat Boone was one of the people present when Butz told his (in)famous
>joke. I believe it was during a campaign plane trip for President Ford.
>
Alright already!!!!! What was the joke?

Those of us who missed the start of this thread have put up with a whole lot
of bickering over whose joke it was. We deserve to be amused now!

Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: pat@sphinx.phys.Virginia.EDU (pat walsh)
Subject: Earl Butz (was Re: Quayle for President)
Organization: University of Virginia Physics Department
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 19:42:42 GMT

John R. Dooley writes:

>In article <1992Aug12.201724.1022@panix.com> eck@panix.com (Mark Eckenwiler) writes:
>>>In article <1992Aug5.151057.6964@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU>
>>>pat@sphinx.phys.Virginia.EDU (pat walsh) writes:
>>>
>>>> Doesn't the credit for this particular boner go to Earl Butz, Gerald Ford's
>>>> Secretary of Agriculture 
>>
>>Nope, Butz was Carter's AgSec.
>>

>No, definitely Gerald Ford's.  As I recall, he told his infamous joke
>to a neighbor on a press plane and (if memory serves) John Dean (yes,
>the John Dean of the White House tapes fame) disclosed it in an article.
>(I may be mistaken about who first revealed the joke -- it may have
>been Woodward or Bernstein, but Dean really sticks in my mind.)

Okay, as the guy who originally contended that Earl Butz worked for Ford,
I finally decided to look it up.  It was definitely Ford.  I was too lazy
to walk over to the UVa library and check the encyclopedia, but I did
check their online card catalogue and found a reference to some testimony
Butz gave as Secretary of Agriculture before the Senate Agriculture and
Forestry Committee on February 20th, 1975, which would place him within
the Ford Administration.

Now let's test my memory a little further.  I think it was also Butz who
took the famous midnight swim in the Tidal Basin with stripper Fanne Foxe
(sp? - when in doubt, use an "e"!), who was also known as "The Argentine
Firecracker", I believe.  John, my memory's a bit hazier on this, but I
think you're right about John Dean revealing the "shoes" incident, in an
article in Rolling Stone -- does that sound right?  (I was 14 in 1975, but
I do have some memory of most of this).

(Sorry for the diversion, ladies & gents -- we now return you to the
regularly scheduled discussions of JDQ)

- Patrick Walsh
  University of Virginia Department of Physics
  pw@virginia.bitnet, pw@virginia.edu, pat@gomez.phys.virginia.edu
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: sharriso@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Steven K Harrison)
Subject: Mrs. Dannekins
Organization: The Ohio State University
Distribution: usa
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 1992 16:43:23 GMT

I think Molly Ivins (on NPR last week) was correct in saying that perhaps the 
most overlooked source of comedy material in this election year has been 
Marilyn Quayle.  This was just prior to her crack about Marilyn and Dan looking
so familiar as Prince Charles and Diana, respectively.

During her *family night* speech the other night, I saw the look on Marilyn's
face and heard the words of a vindictive bitch desperately trying to keep her 
*man* in office so as to make herself feel better about giving up her
(successful) career to follow and clean up after her little blond puppy.  And
one correction, Molly, I think Marilyn is really the illegitimate daughter of
Prince Charles' father and Mary Tyler Moore
- thus making her Charles' half-sister and eligible to appear on
Geraldo's next "Siblings of Celebrities" segment.


SKH

P.S.  I've got it! Let's have Tipper Gore debate Marilyn Quayle on family 
values and get Ice-T to serve as the Moderator!