Date: Sun, 20 Dec 92 3:25:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: tchrist@pixel.convex.com (Tom Christiansen)
Subject: Unbundled Software Pricebook for TLA, Inc.
Keywords: chuckle, computers, usenet

After learning that Sun has an unbundled produce called the "Account
Resource Manager" (ARM) which supports "enhanced passwd security
features", such as passwd aging, account expiration, login disabling,
etc, ie, all the things you'd EXPECT in a system, I decided to invent
a fictitious pricebook for TLA Software, Inc.   Enjoy.

    Item        Price
    ---------------------
1   /bin/cat   $1000
        -v       250
        -n       150
        -b       125
        -u       175
        -s       150
        -u       125
        -e       100
        -t       100

        Or buy them all for just $2000 and receive a $175 discount!

	Note that all prices are per-user.  Thus, if you want 5 users to
	be able to use these, multiply by 5.  If you want merely N
	concurrent users, you want floating licenses, there's a 25%
	premium charge on being able to float the licences, so it would
	cost (N_users * base_price) * 1.25.

    Furthermore, cat remembers how many characters you read and write and
    charges you based on ho wmany kilocharacters you've catted:

        /bin/cat
                0-1000 kchars/month     $.005/kchar
                1000-5000 kchars/month  $.004/kchar
                5000-10000 kchars/month $.002/kchar
                10000+ kchars/month     $.001/kchar



    Item         Price 
    ---------------------
2   sendmail    $5000
        w/DNS    2500
        w/YP     1500
        w/DBM    1000
     +security
      bug fixes  8000

      This is to handle up to 100 messages a day.  For 101-500 messages,
      add 20%, for 501-1000 messages, add 40% to the previous 120%,
      for 1001-5000 messages, add 60% to the previous 168%, and for
      infinite message delivery, it's just 11% over the previous
      268.8%, or 300% the base price.

      Alternatively, if the per-message fee structure is unattractive, a
      per-kchar price structure at 5x the /bin/cat rate is also
      available.  (The increased price per kbyte is because mail is much
      more important that merely catted data.)


    Item         Price 
    ---------------------
3   passwd      $4000

            add on price    feature decription

                 3000       shadow passwords
                 2000       password qualification
                 1750       password aging
                 1500       DBM
                 1250       account expiration/activation
                 1250       disable login after invalid attempts
                  750       autologout
                  500       autolockscreen
                  500       dialpass and portpass passwords
                  500       access hours

    Or get the whole package for just $15000, a $2000 discount!

    Note that this is only for 0-50 users.  For more users, you 
    must pay a premium as follows:

    Users      Multiplier

    0-50        1
    51-100      1.25
    101-200     1.5
    201-500     2
    501-1000    3
    1001+       5

    (Note that the DBM option is required for all packages
    over 200 users)

    Furthermore, there is minimal charge ($0.05) each time the
    crypt(3) call is run.  This makes password crackers pay
    to crack your passwords.

--
    Tom Christiansen      tchrist@convex.com      convex!tchrist

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