HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Jokes to offend almost everybody (repost, these aren't my jokes)
Date: 7 Sep 92 13:17:31 +1000
Organization: Computer Centre, Monash University, Australia

In article <z55pbwpw@csv.warwick.ac.uk>, mauax@warwick.ac.uk (Brazil) writes:
> In article <1992Sep4.143254.235@aio.jsc.nasa.gov> walker@superboy.jsc.nasa.gov writes:
>>In article <1992Sep04.003942.20583@bnr.ca>, bcash@crchh410.BNR.CA (Brian Cash) writes:
>>|> In article <Bu0z2z.Evx@scd.hp.com>, tim@hpdstma.ptp.hp.com () writes:
>>|> |>Nuke the gay whales!
>>|> No, no, no, no!
>>|> It's :
>>|> Nuke the Commie Gay Baby Whales
>>No, no, no, no!
>>It's :
>>Nuke the Commie Gay Baby Whales for Christ
> No, no, no, no!
> It's :
> Nuke the Commie Gay Baby Whales for Christ and sing 'Alleluhia' (sp!!!)

Nuke the Pinko Lesbo Greeno Homo Poofo Endangered Baby Whales and sing
"Halleluja" with Harmonicas Played Melodiously in the Background for Christ.
From: sandra@felix.filenet.com (Sandra Cole)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Funny Names
Date: 11 Sep 92 21:52:40 GMT
Reply-To: sandra@fritz.filenet.com (Sandra Cole)
Organization: WhoDunit U.

In article <1992Sep9.074847.23765@alf.uib.no>, s312@brems.ii.uib.no (Permjit Bha
mra) writes:
>clyde@brahms.udel.edu (Clarence W Robinson) writes:
>: In article <1ek4oB1w164w@jab.tucson.az.us> cr@jab.tucson.az.us (clint ruoho)
writes:
>: >kelly@igor.tamri.com (Kelly Kittell) writes:
>: >
>: >> We have a very pleasant Filipino woman who lives in our neighborhood.
>: >> Her name is Bea Ver.
>: >
>: >I once knew a Jewish guy named Ham Berger...
>:
>: Delaware has a State Senator (or at least had one) named Al O. Plant.
>: No lie.  He always included his middle initial.
>
>-- Stuff deleted --
>
>I knew a gynecologist, her name was Mrs. Hymen ....
>
>: >Let's just hope her husband's name isn't Dick...<g>
>
>
 Oh My!  Speaking of gynecologists, I used to go to a GYN who was in
 the same Medical Building as several other GYNs, namely:

	Dr.  C. Uppu
	Dr.  John Dick


Doesn't exactly inspire confidence in their abilities... or does it?
:-)


-- 
===============================================================================
"Hell, if you understand everything I said, you'd be me!"
                                -Miles Davis
===============================================================================
Alan W. Verostick(Tarkus)              | "An artist's first responsibility is
215-758-0460                           |  to himself."
AWV0@PL118F.CC.LEHIGH.EDU              |               -Miles Davis
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: tony@nexus.yorku.ca (Anthony Wallis)
Subject:  A Philosphical View of Life.
Organization: York University
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 1992 19:34:39 GMT

Scientific Materialism   :   Shit, it's only fecal matter.
Dialectical Materialism  :   This shit contains seeds ..
Philosophical Idealism   :   Mind that shit !

--
tony@nexus.yorku.ca = Tony Wallis, York University, Toronto, Canada
From: ak990140@SPECIALK.IAIMS.BCM.TMC.EDU (Arthur Kania)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: POLITICALLY CORRECT DOUBLE SPEAK????
Date: 6 Sep 1992 19:21:34 GMT
Reply-To: ak990140@SPECIALK.IAIMS.BCM.TMC.EDU (Arthur Kania)
Organization: Baylor College of Medicine, Houston, Tx
Originator: ak990140@SPECIALK.IAIMS.BCM.TMC.EDU




How about these:

short=vertically challenged
fat=horizontally challenged
dead=metabolically challenged
From: stivers@etec.com (Robert Stivers)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: NGH System for Sale!
Date: 12 Sep 92 01:26:43 GMT

From:    Richard Stivers      RBPRXS @ UCCVMA
Subject: For sale

Item For Sale: Nitro-Glycerine/Hydro Propulsion System

I have an NGH Propulsion System available. I recently removed the system from
my '66 Dodge Charger (actually, the system removed itself when my car hit a
marmot late at night near Pyramid Lake at high speeds. I didn't get a speed
reading at impact, but I do know I was gaining on a low-altitude Air Force
FB-111 fighter when the accident occurred. The fighter punched flares and 
peeled off. Anyway, I found most of the crucial pieces to the system, and 
had what was missing re-engineered down at Ames Lab.)

This propulsion system really works. It will weld into the back seat and trunk
of any full-sized car, and will also fit on the roof of a Ford Pinto.

Considerations: You will need to have your windshield remounted with
reinforced sealant and your tires will have to be revulcanized with a ceramic
injection. High speed air brakes and reverse thrust mini-rockets would be
nice but not essentual if you have 10-15 miles of unobstructed breaking area.

The system, when properly calibrated, increases the horsepower of your
existing powerplant by a factor of the fourth power. When fully fueled, the
system weighs 2 tons. Cost to operate at full power: $300 per second. Please
note you should consider insurance costs before reporting installation to your
insurer. 
 
Safety Precaution: Do NOT wear a seatbelt when utilizing the NGH System.

Note: The NGH system will not pass smog in CA. It is your responsibility to
get a special smog waiver. Call the smog referee for details.

Asking $25,000/BO. I plan to use the money to buy a modestly powered motorized
rolling "bodytray" that will allow me to get around. I'll also consider a 
trade for one of those monkeys that has been quad-trained.

Serious offers only!


For Sale

Jackhammer. Automatic locking settings. Lightweight, self-driving. Plenty of
power. Used only once--my wife mistook it for an upright vacuum. $1,200. (Will
consider trade for hardwood flooring.)


For Sale

Large candle collection. All sizes/shapes/colors. Scented. $100 (found Mr.
Right).


For Sale

Kevorkian Suicide Machine. Apparently doesn't wor
From: wes@ian.stx.com (John S.)
Subject: Re: Road Signs
Organization: STX, Lanham Maryland
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 23:42:54 GMT


How about
                /^\
              /     \
            /         \
	  /     END     \
	 < CONSTRUCTION  >
          \             /
            \         /
              \     /
                \./
                | |
                | |

Damn activists get on my nerves.
From: slz1@cunixb.cc.columbia.edu (Samuel L Zimmerman)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: POEM , DOG ASSHOLES
Date: 11 Sep 92 17:32:29 GMT
Reply-To: slz1@cunixb.cc.columbia.edu (Samuel L Zimmerman)
Organization: Columbia University

In article <m7BJqB1w165w@polecat.cacti.mcws.fidonet.org> polecat!steve@cacti.mcws.fidonet.org writes:
> This was recited to me by a friend. Author unknown.
>
>The dogs all held a meeting.
>They came from near and far.
>Some came by jetny,
>and others came by car.
>Before they were admitted
>or allowed to take a look,
>each dog removed his asshole,
>and hung it on a hook.
>Scarcely were they seated,
>sister, son and sire,
>when some big dirty yellow cur
>rushed in and yelled out "FIRE"!
>As they bolted towards the exit,
>of coarse no time to look,
>each dog removed an asshole
>that was hanging on a hook.
>This made thew awfully sore,
>to have to wear an asshole
>that they'de never worn before.
>Thats why now-a-days
>any dog will stop and swap a sniff
>with any dog he meets
>and any dog will stop chewing
>on a nice and juicy bone
>to smell of another dogs asshole,
>HOPING TO FIND HIS OWN !!!!!!!!
>                  Like I said, author unknown.
>
>My apologies for bad spelling,punctuation, or form.
>
>
>______________________________________________________________________________
>    Steve   
>          Free your mind- and the rest will follow...- en Vogue 
>              Yes, I've had the odd complaint- 
>                          But on the whole I've been a saint - Ursula
>_______________________________________________________________________________
I believe the author is a man named Carl Finger...  I'll check on it and let
you know if I am wrong... I also believe the original used the word
"fanny" rather than "asshole"

Sam


*******************************************************************************
"The state has a monopoly on violence."   --Prof. A. Ramsey
Sam Zimmerman                            
E-Mail
From: jdare@math.rutgers.edu (james dare)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Smileys wanted
Keywords: smileys
Date: 14 Sep 92 04:38:50 GMT
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.

I would like the list of smileys, too.  [I seem to have lost mine.]


                 e-mail: jdare@math.rutgers.edu
 
(I feel kind of stupid putting this in since the header will tell you,
but the first time I don't put it in, the e-mail will get screwed up--
it's a murphy's law sort of thing.)
From: dos@major.panix.com (Dave O'Shea)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: A Religious View of Life (minor additions)
Date: Wed, 09 Sep 92 17:46:59 EDT
Organization: ACME products - artillery division

pv02@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (PETER VOROBIEFF) writes:

> >                A RELIGOUS VIEW OF LIFE
> > 
> >Taoism: Shit Happens.
> >
> 
> Christian Science: Feces occur
> 
> Russian Orthodox Church: Shit will happen to you every day till you die.

Greek Orthodox: Shit happens, usually in three's.

--
"A leopard never changes his stripes" 
           -- Al Gore, candidate for vice-president
From: c663712c@edinboro.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: BAD JOKE OF THE DAY
Date: 15 Sep 92 00:06:20 GMT
Organization: Edinboro University of Pennsylvania

WHT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PUT 32 WEST VIRGINIANS IN A ROOM??



















         

                   .......A FULL SET OF TEETH..............
From: saal@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (samuel.saal)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: history of a joke (was Re: Czech joke.)
Date: 9 Sep 92 17:16:18 GMT
Organization: liver ---> spleen

In article <j1nnn-j@lynx.unm.edu> osinski@chtm.eece.unm.edu (Marek
Osinski) writes:

>In article <1992Aug27.222500.1192@bnlux1.bnl.gov>
>KARLIN@BNLCL6.BNL.GOV (P.L. Cowan) writes:

>>When I visited Czechoslovakia last year I discovered that the Czechs are some
>>of the best joke tellers in the world. I especially like the old anti-communism
>>jokes from before the "Velvet Revolution". Here is my favorite:

>Interestingly enough, the very same joke, but with Polish rather than Czech 
>grandpa and with Czechoslovakia replaced by Poland, was quite popular in Poland.
>I've heard it well before 1980. 

The earliest version I know of (but I'm sure it predates that) is a 1941
volume of Jewish humor in which the man wishes for Ghengis Khan to invade
Poland.

OBJoke

Niklaus Wirth has lamented that, whereas Europeans pronounce his name
correctly (Ni-klows Virt), Americans invariably mangle it into
(Nick-les Worth).  Which is to say that Europeans call him by name, but
Americans call him by value.
-- 
Sam Saal      kingfish!saal OR saal@kingfish.att.com
	Vayiftach HaShem et Peah Ha`Aton
From: jiang@cs.arizona.edu (Howard)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Vampire jokes
Summary: vamps
Date: 12 Sep 92 05:47:51 GMT

In article <1992Sep11.191334.24532@orlith.bates.edu>, splummer@orlith.bates.edu (Sarah Plummer) writes:
> Three vampires go into a bar.  The waitress walks up to them and asks them 
> what they'll have.
> 
> The first vampire says:  I'll have a pint of B positive.
> The second vampire says:  I'm not really thirsty, so I'll have half a pint
> of AB negative.
> And the third vampire says:  I'll just have hot water please.
> 
> The waitress says: hot water?  What do you want that for?
> The third vampire pulls out a used tampon and says:  I'm going to make tea!

Now THAT'S nasty!
From: jcruz@etch-eshop.Berkeley.EDU (Joey Cruz)
Subject: Illegal Entry !
Reply-To: jcruz@etch-eshop.Berkeley.EDU (Joey Cruz)
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 22:36:59 GMT

Has anyone seen the movie Illegal Entry? I heard this is a 

great movie......

Q: Why did Hillary Clinton Shaved her PUBIC HAIR?

A: So can say "READ MY LIPS NO MOREEE BUSH.
From: vander@flab.fujitsu.co.jp (Mike van der Velden)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: READ/NEXT
Date: 10 Sep 92 09:20:32 GMT
	<1992Sep7.124827.26362@gmuvax2.gmu.edu>
Organization: Fujitsu Laboratories Ltd., Kawasaki, Japan

In article <1992Sep7.124827.26362@gmuvax2.gmu.edu> 2261as@gmuvax2.gmu.edu ( ) writes:
> In article <1992Sep4.130444.60@taney.uscghq.uscg.mil> lederman@taney.uscghq.uscg.mil writes:
> > Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
> > A: 643.  When the bulbs burn out they tear down the building and
> >          put up a new one.
> 
> If that is an Americans joke, it sort of looks like it
> originated in Japan, software engineer aspect at least.
> 
> how 'bout this?
> 
>   Q: How many Japanese people does it take to change a lightbulb?
>   A: 101.  One to get the idea from the west and 100 to try and
>            improve on it.

(Un?)fortunately, they usually do, thereby pushing Americans out
of the marketplace.

--
Mike van der Velden
Distributed Systems Laboratory, Fujitsu Laboratories Ltd., Kawasaki, Japan
e-mail: vander@tokyo.hi.flab.fujitsu.co.jp

ps. If you send me a picture postcard      Mike van der Velden
    from your area to the address at       Fujitsu Unoki Dormitory, room 227
    right, I'll send you one from Tokyo.   2-17-18 Unoki, Ota-ku, Tokyo 146
    Postcards must be received by          Japan
    November 15, 1992
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: daniel@atlantis.rosemount.com (Daniel Winker)
Subject: Re: Oxymorons revisited...
Organization: Rosemount, Inc.
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1992 20:14:25 GMT

Page ii of RTCA/DO-178A, Software Considerations in Airborne Systems
and Equipment Certification:

Just a page number and one statement boldly placed in the center of
the page:
-------------------------------------------------------------------



               THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK


ii
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I always get a kick out of that.

2nd favorite oxymoron:

There is a sign near an apartment I used to live in.  The words are

                               SLOW
                             CHILDREN

but the picture on the sign is of a little girl running.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: chaw@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (S. S. Chawathe)
Subject: Re: HELP:Monty Python scripts sites......
Organization: CS Department, Stanford University, California, USA
Date: 15 Sep 92 02:46:30 GMT

pt@geovision.gvc.com (Paul Tomblin) writes:

>>They were recently posted on alt.fan.monty-python

>And every news administrator with the _slightest_ bit of sense removed them
>from thier machine immediately.  These scripts are copyright, and keeping
>them or distributing them could get your site in trouble with the law.

Tsk! Tsk! You should at least have LOOKED in a.f.m-p before posting that!


Xref: sparky rec.humor:28320 aus.jokes:1210
From: jpotter@sirius.ucs.adelaide.edu.au (Jonathan Potter)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes
Subject: Re: amusing system errors
Date: 11 Sep 92 01:55:04 GMT
Organization: Information Technology Division, The University of Adelaide, AUSTRALIA
NNTP-Posting-Host: sirius.itd.adelaide.edu.au

I remember that BBC micros had an error message

"Silly"

I think you could invoke it by trying to renumber a program using
line increments of 0 (which is a bit silly, when you think about it) :-)

Jon
-- 
| Jonathan Potter |                              | A                       |
| P.O. Box 289    | jpotter@itd.adelaide.edu.au  |   Suffusion             |
| Goodwood, SA    | FidoNet : 3:680/829          |               Of        |
| Australia  5034 |                              |                  Yellow |
From: jerry@stratford.dab.ge.com (Jerry Szulinski)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Mixed Up Movie Titles
Date: 15 Sep 92 18:59:27 GMT
Organization: GE Simulation & Control Systems

In article <1992Sep12.163906.1@hmivax.humgen.upenn.edu> bole@hmivax.humgen.upenn.edu (Greg Bole) writes:
>In article <19986@fritz.filenet.com>, sandra@felix.filenet.com 
>(Sandra Cole) writes:
>
>>At the video store I worked at, many times a customer would ask for a film,
>>and goof up the title.  I have composed a list of fun film flubs that are 
>>completely real, none of these were made up.
>
>>The Quiet Sheep-  Silence of the Lambs
>>All Dogs Burn in Hell- All Dogs Go to Heaven
>>Slam Bam Bombay-  Salaam Bombay
>>Shalom Bombay-  Salaam Bombay
>>Running Out of Gas-  Running on Empty
>>Dangling Legions-  Dangerous Liasons
>>Who Shot Roger Rabbit-  Who Framed Roger Rabbit
>>Who Framed A Fish Called Wanda- A Fish Called Wanda
>>Sex, Lies and Videogames- Sex, Lies and Videotapes
>>Minnisota Burning- Mississippi Burning
>
My ex-roommate wanted to see Good Night Saigon once; we had to settle for
Good Morning Vietnam.....it haunted him for a long time (I and my other
roommate made sure of that).

Jerry S.
From: bowman@reed.edu (Eric Bowman (bobo))
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Fun with cats
Date: 6 Sep 92 01:48:12 GMT
Article-I.D.: reed.1992Sep6.014812.17559
Organization: Reed College, Portland, OR

Remember now, it's ok to make sick jokes about *people*, but *not kitties*.

Mellow out, Livian.

To the rest of you, well, they made *me* laugh.  But I'm SATAN.

later,
bobo
bowman@reed.edu
George Clinton in '92
Congress No!  Parliament Yes!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com (Larry Gilmore)
Subject: Re: Wet-Backs
Followup-To: /dev/null
Organization: TRW Systems Engineering & Development Division, Carson, CA
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 16:40:55 GMT

In article <3558@ra.nrl.navy.mil> miner@hightop.nrl.navy.mil (Les Miner) writes:
>In article <22309@nntp_server.ems.cdc.com> you@ems.cdc.com writes:
>>In article <memo.616815@cix.compulink.co.uk>, hallan@cix.compulink.co.uk (Hugh Allan) writes:
>>|> Excuse me for asking, but what's a wet-back?
>>|> 
>>
>>Something like a green-back only wet.
>
>actually it is a derogatory (sp?) remark twoards the hispanic race.
>
It is a slighting reference to people wading or swimming across the
Rio Grande from Mexico into the U.S.
>-- 
> _    ____ ____
>| |  | ___| ___|          It's bad luck to be superstitious!
>| |__| ___|___ |          
>|____|____|____|          DP2 Les R. Miner - miner@hightop.nrl.navy.mil


-- 
Larry A. Gilmore             Internet: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com
TRW SEDD, DH1/2849
P.O. Box 6213                Phone:    (310)764-3318
Carson, CA 90746             Fax:      (310)764-3946
Xref: sparky rec.humor:28242 aus.jokes:1205 alt.folklore.computers:13837 comp.misc:3639 sci.physics:14399 sci.edu:980 aus.computers:235
From: rorschak@daimi.aau.dk (Jesper Lauridsen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes,alt.folklore.computers,comp.misc,sci.physics,sci.edu,aus.computers
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Date: 10 Sep 92 13:28:53 GMT
Organization: Danish Trainspotter Society

brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (David Bromage) writes:

>Shaw's Principle:
>    Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
>    want to use it.

Watch out! Apple might file a look-and-feel lawsuit against you 
for that one.
-- 
I have things to do and News to read
From: che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: nursery rhymes
Date: 7 Sep 92 09:23:05 +1000
Organization: Computer Centre, Monash University, Australia

In article <1992Sep3.191043.5733@cs.hw.ac.uk>, adrian@cs.hw.ac.uk (Adrian Hurt) writes:
> In article <Aug.28.17.19.00.1992.18023@math.rutgers.edu> jdare@math.rutgers.edu (James Dare) writes:
>>
>>Old Mother Hubbard
>>Went to the cupboard
>>to fetch poor rover a bone.
>>
>>But when she bent over,
>>Rover took over
>>And gave her a bone of his own.
> 
> This, I believe, is one of several "altered" nursery rhymes by Richard
> Digance, one of the U.K.'s best comedians (IMHO).  I don't know if he is
> the original author, but he seems to think so.  Here are a couple more:
> 
> Rock-a-bye baby, in a tree top.
> When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
> I was that babe, and what bothers me
> Is why Mum and Dad left me up a tree.
> 
> Sing a song of sixpence, a pocketful of rye.
> Four-and-twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
> When the pie was opened, the shrivelled blackbirds sat
> Saying "Alright then, what rotten joker did a thing like that?"
          ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I believe the last line is:
  Saying "Alright lads, a joke's a joke, what rotten sod did that?"



> 
> -- 
>  "Keyboard?  How quaint!" - M. Scott
> 
>  Adrian Hurt			     |	JANET:  adrian@uk.ac.hw.cs
>  UUCP: ..!uknet!cs.hw.ac.uk!adrian   |  ARPA:   adrian@cs.hw.ac.uk

DAB
From: andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: In the Beginning
Date: 11 Sep 92 12:20:27 GMT
Organization: Spider Systems Limited, Edinburgh, UK.


           THE BOBLE (with apologise to God)

   In the begining was the word
   and the word was Bob.

   and Bob said "Let there be Light"
   and there was light.

   and Bob was pleased.

   Then Bob created the world in 5 days
   On the first day he created the planet earth

   On the second day he created good road's linking
   all the really nice places to each other.

   On the third day Bob created the Motorcycle,
   and Bob saw the motorcycle and saw that it was good.

   On the fourth day Bob created the 3 day working week
   and went for a crusie to the coast on his bike.

   On the fifth day Bob deceided that riding in a group
   would be fun and so created man and woman.
   Bob saw man and woman riding in a group and knew that
   it was good.

   On the sixth and seventh day Bob created the weekend,
   the bike show, real ale, rock music and wet t-shirt/y-fronts
   competetion. Then he got drunk with his creations.
   He looked down upon his creation and saw that it was good
   but wondered why everything seemed to have doubled.

   On the eigth day Bob discovered the hangover and wondered
   when and who had created it !
   Bob saw the hangover and created the seven day week to rid
   himself of the bane of existence.


-- 
|      Andy Cannon       |"Love is what seperates us from the animals"       |
| Misplaced Yorkshireman |                                                   |
|   Spider Systems Ltd   |"No, what seperates us from the animals is that we |
|  andrewc@spider.co.uk  |don't clean our own genitals with our tongue"      |
Xref: sparky rec.humor:28350 aus.jokes:1214
From: dgrove@axion.bt.co.uk (David Grove)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes
Subject: Re: amusing system errors
Date: 11 Sep 92 09:47:18 GMT
Reply-To: dgrove@axion.bt.co.uk (David Grove)
Organization: British Telecom Research Labs


In article 110 jpotter@sirius.ucs.adelaide.edu.au (Jonathan Potter) writes:

>I remember that BBC micros had an error message
>
>"Silly"

Well if we're going to get into the world of home micros, my first computer
a Sinclair ZX81 (and I won't have a word said against it :-)) had the
following error messages (as far as I can remember):

	1. A slight change in the pattern of black and white line flashing
	   across the screen would signify that a game hadn't loaded
	   properly, however the computer would carry on ad infinitum
	   until interrupted by the user.

	2. A black cursor to denote the position of an error in a line of code.
	   (Not always very accurate (thing's don't seem to have advanced 
	    much in the last 10-15 years :-)).

	3. All the I's would change to Y's and all the spaces change to '(',
	   when typing in some code or instructions.  Not quite sure what
	   this signified but everything else seemed to still work OK.

	4. A completely blank screen would remind me that I'd forgotten to
	   prop up my home made 4K RAM pack with a beer mat and that it had
	   fallen out the back, thus losing *ALL* the contents of RAM.
	   Unfortunately this reminder always came a little too late.

That's about all I can remember, but if ther are any past (or even present)
ZX80/81 owners out there I'm sure they can all relate similar tales.  Did 
the notorious machine Sir Clive Sinlair ever make it to the shores of
Australia, or did we stop sending our criminals over there long ago???

Cheers,

Dave Grove.
Newsgroups: rec.humor