From: rjchou@oakhill.sps.mot.com (Ri Jen Chou)
Subject: Re: Homosexuality/Bisexuality
Organization: Motorola Inc., Austin, Texas
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 19:58:54 GMT

g9utxu@fnma.COM (Tanin Uthayanaka) writes:
>Now that there seems to some interest in this subject. I would like to
>know how and when can you tell that you are homosexual/bisexual? 
>Carole M. mention that she was a product of surrondings and self awareness 
>(I think that's what she said, I can't remember). Is this always the case ?
>Curiosity from a Heterosexual ?
>TU 


I'd like to answer your first question by turning it around and asking how
and when can you tell that you are heterosexual?  I'm not trying to be 
flippant, just wanted to give you something to consider.  When did you find
yourself strongly attracted to members of the opposite sex?  What did it feel
like?  In our hetero-dominated society, we don't think "Oh, I feel a strong
physical attraction to members of the opposite sex, so that must mean I am
heterosexual."  Of course not, this is all taken for granted in our society.

I can't speak for all gay/lesbian people, for we are just as diverse as 
the rest of the human race (because we *are* a cross-section of the human
race), but for me, and for my g/l friends, our awakening to our sexual 
orientations usually starts with a realization that somehow we are different.
When our friends and pals get all excited by members of the opposite sex
(henceforth to be abbreviated MOTOS), we don't feel the same attraction.
Instead we feel a fondness for MOTSS (members of the same sex).  Our society
tells us that this feeling is BAD.  This feeling is wrong, this feeling is
SICK.  So for most of us, we try to purge ourselves of this feeling.  We deny
it, we suppress it, we try to exterminate it.  Often it is to no avail, but 
we can carry on a charade and lead a life that is indistinguishable from 
the people around us.  For bi folks, they find that they are physically
attracted to MOTSS as well as MOTOS.

At some point, and this varies a GREAT deal from person to person, these 
feelings grow so strong that it becomes absolutely undeniable.  Sometimes
an event or experience triggers the transition.  Sometimes the realization
just sinks in one morning.  Some people take years to accept their sexual
orientation while others  do so in a very short while.  Some people never come
to fully accept themselves.

In retrospect, I can remember being physically attracted to guys when I first
entered the adolescent stage of my life.  All throughout jr high school and
high school and college, I knew I had these feelings but desperately tried to
still them.  I didn't think I was gay, just that I had these feelings that
I shouldn't have.  It wasn't until I was several years into grad school that
I came to accept that, yes, I am physically attracted to guys, therefore I am
gay.  The event or experience that "pushed" me over the line was when I fell
deeply in love with my roommate Todd.  [I posted a series of stories about
my life with Todd on s.c.a.a. last spring.]

My site didn't get the post by Carole Mah that you mentioned, but I would
agree that the timing of most people's awareness of their orientation does
depend on the perceived safety of the surroundings and the degree of self-
awareness they have.  (Boy, that was a mouthful.)


-- 
Ri-Jen Chou   		rjchou@decimator.sps.mot.com
Motorola Austin / Eclectic Environs
Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american