From: moonunit@tartarus.uwa.edu.au (Benjamin Ruse)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.cricket
Subject: The Shagging Spinners
Date: 7 Oct 1992 06:32:23 GMT
Organization: The University of Westrn Australia
NNTP-Posting-Host: tartarus.uwa.edu.au
Keywords: Spinners that shag


	It's been a long while since my last message to an unbelieving world
on the subject of Indian cricket. I was gratified by the intelligent and
reasoned response to "Indian Cricket ---> JOKE OR WHAT?!?!", none of which
I read ;). 

	[ANYWAY, a quick word of WARNING, to those who've spent 20 hours
	 a day locked in front of a terminal, the following article is 
	 not to be taken seriously.]


	Ever since the men of Hambledon first learned to bowl a leg-break
off sheep droppings, on Broad Halfpenny Down, spin-bowlers have been
synonymous with unrestrained and imaginative sexual excesses. Indeed the
historian Thomas Carlisle wrote about Alfred Mynn, a great cricketer of 
the period: 
	" A-shaggin and a-bowlin be his strength "
	" His todger and his bat be of a length "

	And it is well known that Mr Bosanquet inventor of the perplexing
googly was a good friend of Oscar Wildes... 'nuff said. However it is
in our own century that a new breed of "all-rounder", the "Pants-Down
Spinner", has "emerged". The red-blooded Colonials were the first to 
exploit this new art, the late great "Tiger" O'Reilly was so-called
because of his incredible exploits with the entire cast of dancers at the
Moulin Rouge. 
	While Clarie Grimmet was strictly a "once a month man", Charles
Fleetwood-Smith more than made up for this, with his almost-unbelievable
physical flexibility. Quite often when travelling on a train with his
team-mates, "Big Charlie", as he was known, would often say " I'm off to
take the trombone for a walk... ", as a prelude to seducing some young
lass, quite often the driver.
	The story of how Richie Benaud, who has just turned 62 and is 
still going strong, led the nude Conga-line at the Buckingham Palace
reception on the '61 Tour is no doubt well known to you all. The Queen
was quoted as saying "I was amused..." 
	South Africans have produced their share of titillating tweakers.
Starting with the amazing googly-quartet of 1909-10 whose nocturnal antics
completely bemused the straight-laced British tourists. The story of how
Hugh "Toey" Tayfield got that nickname, is unfortunately too explicit to
go into here... suffice to say, it made David Mellor look like a rather
innocent choirboy. 
	However, the modern era has also produced it's own share of 
leg-breakers... of whom Phillip "Shagger" Tufnell is the undisputed
King. During the World Cup, Tufnell completely un-nerved Allan Border
during a crucial qualifying match by running in to bowl with AB's wife's
underpants on his head. Tufnell also re-programmed the electronic
scoreboard at the MCG to play videos of his conquests. Phil is currently
under investigation following reports of him fielding at short-leg and
repeatedly w***ing in order to create a "sticky wicket". With his 
colleagues, Phil "Sticky Fingers" Edmonds, and John "Mr Wiener" Emburey,
he has certainly put the "sex" back into Middlesex. 
	However, the exploits of all of these "men" must pale into
insignificance when compared to the man who "once dismissed the great
Garfield Sobers", the legendary Terry "Tezza" MacGill. This shining 
example of the twin-arts of leg-spin and love-making played several
matches for Western Australia, and a season with Todmorden in the 
Lancashire league is mentioned in awe by the women of Perth. He certainly
bowled a lot of nice, tight maidens. I have it on good authority that he
was the inspiration for Ian Fleming's James Bond. 
	Those readers who have stayed with me for this rather tiresome
tirade are to be congratulated. I would like to send a rather serious 
message: "Spin bowling is currently in decline. We need to attract
kiddies to the art as we never have before, so why not attempt to portray
the "art" of spin-bowling as a man's passport to complete sexual 
satiation. By portraying spinners as debonair superstuds, we will surely
encourage more youngsters to revive what is a dying art. You can do your
bit in 2 ways. Firstly, whenever a young kiddie comes to you, asking
which facet of the game he's most suited for, take him quietly aside
and paint the most exciting picture of non-stop hedonism imaginable, and
make sure it is closely connected with the ability to bowl a good 
wrong 'un. Secondly, by sending in your own spin-based anecdotes, of a
sexual nature, to this forum. 
	I would particularly like to hear from our Subcontinental
friends and to know whether the rumours I hear about Venkatapathy "Rogue
Elephant" Raju can be confirmed.

	Bye now!!!!

	Moonunit