HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: jodohrty@unix1.tcd.ie (John P.Doherty)
Subject: Re: tiredness.
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 15:33:56 GMT

In <1992Sep28.171605.18299@linus.mitre.org> sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay) writes:


>I don't worry about not getting married that much, but like you, one of my big
>fears is just ending up 70 years old as some totally crusty bitter old dude all
>alone w/ no friends or companionship or anything...
>I've got this scenario of what happens to me in 40-50 years where I'm just totally
>alone, friends and family long gone or out of touch with. 

Yeah, I can relate to that, I've carried around this 'self fulfilling 
prophecy' of ending up as a professional waster, living in some
yellowy mouldy old flat with a white laminated  kitchenette, a 30 watt
light bulb hanging from an old bit of wire in the ceiling, and a bed
with contemptuous springs, that stick up into the small of your back. 
This prophecy and a feeling of downright worthlessness, combined with
choosing a university course, about as stimulating as a major disease,
have contributed toward making my life, to use understatements, a 
tad angsty. I'm now suffering from existential angst, whereas before,
I just had a reactive depression/angst, I'm now being struck with the
overwhelming pointlessness of everything even more that ever before..

The thing is though, that contrary to what was stated earlier on the
subject, if a lot of areas of one's life work out, such as 
sex life/finance/social life etc.. it can very easily make life
quite tolerable, and reduce substantially the horrible feelings of 
existential angst and feelings of uselessness. The really bad
angst/depression, arises when you give up, and accept that you can
never have what you strive for, as then you really start to question
the reason for existence.....

It's really terrible when you think about it.... It's O.K. if you
have some sort of religious conviction about life, but without it,
I mean, why motivate yourself to do anything? And what's more, how
can people who are born with crippling diseases or handicaps, and
things that will almost definetely ensure that life is going to
be pretty miserable, decide to go on (if they have no religious belief)?
As far as I can see, unless you are fairly fortunate, and find that
things in life come without too much struggle and upset to yourself, 
(ie. are in a relatively perfect environement and circumstance), what's
the point? I can't seem to avoid a  horrifying nihilistic approach
to life. It would be great, as was mentioned earlier as well, to be
able to put on the blinkers become a staunch Catholic/Muslim/ or
whatever you want, and never worry again about anything except what
grade you're going to get, and how the mortgage is going to be paid.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (extreme
angst).

I suppose the best way out of it, is to do what everyone else does,
become obsessed with the trivial things of life, and avoid all the
big questions, such as why somebody would decide to sell fish
for a living..........

						-John P. Doherty.
From: klein@eecae.ee.msu.edu (Jeffrey Klein)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Unexpected Optimism
Date: 28 Sep 92 19:04:29 GMT
Organization: Michigan State University College of Stunt Piloting

In article <BvAtHq.Jor@news.cso.uiuc.edu> dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. Dennis) writes:
>
>I suppose that I should mention that there are different levels of 
>manic-depression; mine is pretty mild.

I think the term for this is "cyclothymia".

TriviaQ: What song contains the word "cyclothymic"?

-- 
Jeff Klein             | "Happily, Ral doffs his outer clothing for a
Browsing Boy of the LNH|  refreshing dip in one of the dangerous 
klein@frith.egr.msu.edu|  chemical vats." - Ty Templeton 
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: rfarmer@nyx.cs.du.edu (Rex Farmer)
Subject: Re: tiredness.
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Mon, 28 Sep 92 13:56:07 GMT

In article <1992Sep24.011004.8462@organpipe.uug.arizona.edu> rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) writes:
>
>i'm just so tired of all this crap. i am tired of being me. i would like 
>not to be at all, so i wouldn't get so tired. i don't see a point to being
>here, except to waste resources. and there are so many people who could
>make better use of them than me. 

Hey, I've felt like that lots of times.  Sometimes I just wish I could go to
sleep and never wake up, that I could stop _being_.

>i'm never going to make more than $5/hr, and i'm never going to be able to
>pay all my bills.

Well, I have to say that the key to angst and life problems is that you have 
to resolve what's inside of _you_.  Lots of people are always looking for the
solution "out there", thinking "if only I could ... (have sex/have money/
have love/have dogs...) then my angst would be gone"  (This leads to them 
flaming people who say, "I have X, but I still have angst about Y".  For
example, some things which I have which have not alleviated my angst:

fairly wealthy supportive parents
expensive black matte audiovisual gear
ranks of bookcases filled with hardcover science fiction and non-fiction
an honours B.Sc. in Physics
a grad school position for the past three years 

 my dogs are they only things that act as if they love me 
>unconditionally, and they only do because i take care of them. i am afraid
>of becoming a crusty old spinster because my tastes rarely intersect with 
>anyone else's. i read in the paper a few days ago about a 12 year old boy
>who committed suicide because he was too mature for his schoolmates and they
>alienated him. he listened to big band music while they listened to rap. he 
>read steinbeck while they read garfield. six months is too long to wait
>for acceptance when you're 12 years old. a more permanent solution is in
>order.
>i'm sorry that i know better.
>
>bah.
>
>
>
>
>
>--
>		-just give me what for,
>	rachel perkins =  rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu
>      "Chastity..the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions...."
>					-Aldous Huxley


Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: thud.
Date: 29 Sep 1992 23:38:34 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc4.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) says:

>i hate this. i feel alive for the first time in months, but i'm also
>(by turns) scared shitless, cynical, angry, resigned to the
>hopelessness of it all, frustrated, longing, exhilarated... it's like
>my blood is carrying helium, not oxygen. everything feels different,
>and i miss the old comfortableness.

Ah, it's like my own version of love at first sight.  

Now I remember.  Painful, consuming, risky...necessary.

>--
>sine nomine | debbie martinson
>"you made me smile when i was barely breathing... this is what i have to 
>offer...the fireworks, the ocean's roar, the trees bend down to catch me,
>catch me baby. i'm alive and living now" -- golden palominos


Jeanne
From: gmkoenig@acsu.buffalo.edu (Gerson V Koenig)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Peter Gabriel's Us
Date: 6 Oct 92 14:33:58 GMT
Organization: UB

dlightne@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (David E Lightner) writes:
>the lyrics go:
>And in this moment, I need to be needed/ When my self-esteem is sinking,/ I 
>like to be liked/In this emptiness and fear,/ I want to be wanted/ 'Cos I love
>to be loved
>I said please talk to me/ If you'd just talk to me/ Unblock this misery/ If 
>you'd only talk to me

Sound sorta' like a combo of Cheap Tirck's "I want you to want me" (or whatever
is was called" and the Violent Femmes "Add It Up." :)

At any rate, can we hear some reccomendations on angst-music? Do you folx find 
you listen to this sort of thing to relieve a bad mood or wallow in it?

>Tycerium   dlightne@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu
Gerson
gmkoenig@acsu.buffalo.edu
From: llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: public bleeding and angst (mine is bigger than yours)
Date: 26 Sep 92 09:31:28 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

you want public bleeding? fine. i'll give it to you.

right now, even as i type, i'm at a party. whee, fun, eh? happy shiny
and all that. except that i'm at this party and i'm vaguely drunk, and
i have no way home til the buses start running again. whee.

not angstful enough? fine. i've spent a great deal of this evening
interacting with a fiuve-year-old. his mom's an alcoholic. me, too.
wheee. he hjas been talking to me about all kinds of things on the
roof of this house we're in,. but he's closing up as his mom closes
in. he's a mass of conflict and i can see it all and can't do a damned
thing except cry inside for him. but i love him. but he'll never
believe me/ i could do some good for this kid but i won't get the
chance.

so i sit here. powerless, watching patterns from my life repeat
themselces an not nowing what to do. dammit. it hurts. fuck it all. i
wanna help this kid but i can't. i'm crying. i was him once, only i
was older and i could take it. he's six. what happens if she starts
beating him??

shit.
From: dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. Dennis)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: wow, does anyone else do this?
Date: 6 Oct 92 03:09:58 GMT
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana

At the risk of continuing a cascade that should be on alt.peeve... I catch a 
lot of shit when I'm riding my bike and some carful-o-assholes cruises by.  
It's almost always a real shitheap or dinky econobox--the owners of way-cool 
sleds can't be bothered--and it's almost always the dickfor that's riding 
shotgun.  When one of these lamos screams at me--or, on the rare occasion, 
throws something at me--all I can think is, "If I Had A Rocket Launcher"...
No, I'm not exaggerating.  There's something to be said for the return of 
natural selection to my species.  ObAngst:  It doesn't QUITE count as 
justifiable homicide.

Oh, well.
--

Tom Dennis                    |  I looked into the abyss,
dennis@alexia.uiuc.edu        |    and the abyss looked into me--
tadg0614@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu     |      and we both winked.
From: iam30974@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Ivan Something)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: wimmin!
Date: 4 Oct 92 01:13:44 GMT
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana

lumpi@dobag.in-berlin.de (Joern Lubkoll) writes:
>ABienek@acorn.co.uk (Alex Bienek) writes:
>>In article <BuxDsx.7vp@midget.yps.saar.de> boerp@midget.saar.de (John Boerp) writes:
[...what do you do...]
>[Options]
>>c) Invent a fully functional cryogenic storage system, program it
>>   to wake you some long time in the future and hope that when
>>   you awake the planet will be a more bearable place to live,
>>   or that you will have the opportunity to try another one.
>could lead to the problem that you're the last human being on earth just 
>because all the others have alreadydestroyed themself.

Or maybe the idea will catch on, and all the bozos you're trying to run from
wake up in the future _with_ you.  Waking up dazed, you realize that the only
thing that's changed is that all newsgroups now deal with aspects of Kibo.
	All the people who give you pain thank you for the Oh-So-Brilliant
	idea...    I mean storing yourself for the future, just to be *forced*
	to live in the past.  How... appropriate for all of us +|
--
-ivan	(OBangst: our communal kitchen is filled with fruit-flys,
		  and as a result, I'm forced to eat out and deal with
		  food-clerks and dumb waiters (the kind that talk)!)

-- 
Plato said it best when he said that his opinions were his alone, and not
necessarily those of the CCSO.   ___________________________________________
__________________________	|Of course, that's why he's where he is,    |
iam30974@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu |	|and I'm where I am... but I agree with him!|
From: llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: thud.
Date: 29 Sep 92 15:04:10 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

being on the verge of falling madly in love reminds me a lot of
cliff-diving at inks lake last summer. you stand up there on the edge
of this thing, fifteen feet above the water, and you know that other
people have done it just fine, but there's still this sick feeling in
your stomach. it's a long way down there, and how do you know it's
really deep enough to keep you from becoming one with the lake bottom?
so you stand there, and people start getting impatient, and you stand
there, and it feels like your head will separate from your shoulders
and you're kind of dizzy, and you stand there, and pressure builds
until you can't take *not* knowing how it feels anymore and you just
step off into space.

except cliff diving gets easier after the first time.

i hate this. i feel alive for the first time in months, but i'm also
(by turns) scared shitless, cynical, angry, resigned to the
hopelessness of it all, frustrated, longing, exhilarated... it's like
my blood is carrying helium, not oxygen. everything feels different,
and i miss the old comfortableness.

how do you miss someone you've never met? how can you resist someone
who tells you your voice sounds like cotton-candy with a touch of
sandpaper? who plays guitar and loves the horse in ren and stimpy and
likes patchouli oil and king missile and who has appeared from nowhere
and left you gasping?

the people who planned this country just put pennsylvania too damned
far away from texas, they did. and i'm left on an edge, aching for the
unknown, wishing it were already the end of the month so curiosity
would be satisifed and the together a reality. evocative images of
waking up together haunt me now, too. it's weird, but the presence of
this other is almost tangible, wrapping around me as i curl up to
sleep, comforting, ineffable.

yes, i know i'm insane. i know this is crazed. i've been over the
arguments in my head a zillion times. i'm getting more angst out of
this than out of all the annoying min in my life. 

this can't be real.

this has to be real.

--
sine nomine | debbie martinson
"you made me smile when i was barely breathing... this is what i have to 
offer...the fireworks, the ocean's roar, the trees bend down to catch me,
catch me baby. i'm alive and living now" -- golden palominos
From: danny@nessie.mcc.ac.uk (Danny Graham)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Martyred on the Usenet
Date: 29 Sep 92 09:25:05 GMT
Organization: Manchester Computing Centre

<Stuff Deleted>

>>Hey. I have heard of waiters horking into pea soup.  Be nice to your
>>waiters and waitresses!  Or they'll find a way to get revenge.  You think
>>food poisoning is an accident?  :-)

A friend used to work in a McDonalds in London. One of the other lads got
sacked and was so pissed off that he had a dump in the root beer. Problem was,
that nobody spotted it for a couple of days.

Danny
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Choosing a Major Angst...
From: hobbs_a@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz (Anthony "SCHWAibo" Hobbs)
Date: 2 Oct 1992 03:44:48 GMT
Reply-To: hobbs_a@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
Organization: Wellington City Council (Public Access), Wgtn, Nz
NNTP-Posting-Host: kosmos.wcc.govt.nz

In article <1992Sep29.150907.18648@organpipe.uug.arizona.edu>, rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) writes:

>did you know t.s.eliot is an anagram of toilets?

Did *you* know that "sylvia plath" is an anagram of "shit play live" if you add
an extra 'i'? :-)     

	Now that woman is required reading for all angsters. Especially her
poems on suicide. (Come to think of it, which ones aren't? :-)

>bah.

I'll see your "bah" and raise you a SCHWA.

					-- SCHWAibo.

"Que sera sera
 Is that your new Ferrari car?
 Nice, but I think I'll wait for the F50" 	- Roger Waters, "Too Much Rope"
--
Anthony Hobbs    	Schwaibo	    hobbs_a@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
OverPope, First Holy Reformed Church of Snack Food - Kate Bush Is Goddess

DISCLAIMER: I am not Romanian and was not head of the Securitate for 15 years.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: b645zhy@utarlg.uta.edu (Mark Luckstead)
Subject: Re: Pat Buchanan
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Keywords:  pre-corpse, pre-born, unborn, undead
Organization: The University of Texas at Arlington
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 21:47:00 GMT

In article <BvIC8G.2yq@news.cso.uiuc.edu>, dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. Dennis) writes...
>In <BvGBDn.Er1@umassd.edu> pmsc13sg@UMASSD.EDU (Stephen Grossman) writes:
>>    In a recent column, Pat Buchanan referred to a "pre-born child." Does this
>>mean that Buchanan is a pre-dead corpse and that steak is pre-fecal matter?
>>The possibilities are mind-boggling.
> 
>I prefer to think of Pat B. as "pre-human" or perhaps even "pre-mammalian."  
>But the "pre-corpse" option does sound mighty cheerful.
>--
>Tom Dennis                    |  I looked into the abyss,
>dennis@alexia.uiuc.edu        |    and the abyss looked into me--
>tadg0614@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu     |      and we both winked.

bachelor   - might yet (benefits of doubt often generous)
spinster   - lost opportunity (realisticly)
pre-born   - not yet born
unborn     - might never breathe
pre-dead   - still breathing, like you and me
pre-dead corpse - oxymoron; or do you that giddy about de-humanizing
                  a Catholic columnist for expressing views you hate?
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: dlightne@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (David E Lightner)
Subject: Peter Gabriel's Us
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1992 05:42:08 GMT

Even though I'm already familiar with Peter Gabriel's music and its somber 
tone, I was quite struck by the level of depression expressed in his new CD 
*Us*.  It almost sounds like a more sophisticated and sincere Morrisey.Some of 
the lyrics go:

And in this moment, I need to be needed/ When my self-esteem is sinking,/ I 
like to be liked/ In this emptiness and fear,/ I want to be wanted/ 'Cos I love
to be loved

I said please talk to me/ If you'd just talk to me/ Unblock this misery/ If 
you'd only talk to me

Bring me something to take this pain away


    On listening to the CD, I was reminded of how I felt when I was the most 
depressed over wanting to be in a relationship, but found myself unable to find
any woman interested in me.  What I always found most frustrating was that I 
had no idea of how one actually enters a relationship; I could not see how one 
ever makes the transition, since all my attempts had been unsucessful.  I hear 
the same sort of frustration and longing in PG's songs "Come Talk To Me" and 
"Love To Be Loved".  I have heard depression in Gabriel's songs before, but not
this sort of personal longing.  At any rate, I recomend the CD.

Tycerium   dlightne@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu
From: nexus@matt.ksu.ksu.edu (Abstractor)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: tiredness.
Date: 28 Sep 1992 20:10:25 -0500
Organization: Kansas State University
NNTP-Posting-Host: matt.ksu.ksu.edu

ssc@nwu.edu (Steven Chung) writes:

>In article <1992Sep28.135607.21439@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> rfarmer@nyx.cs.du.edu (Rex Farmer) writes:

># ranks of bookcases filled with hardcover science fiction and non-fiction

>This probably causes, say, 50% of the angst.

And cures 50% of it as well -:)

the NEXUS
---
         <<< You're biochemically correct <<<
From: jlewis@astro.as.arizona.edu (Jeff Lewis)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: I quit
Date: 6 Oct 92 17:46:17 GMT
Organization: University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ

I guees the time has come for me to face reality, life is
never going to be what, or how I hoped it would be.  A fact of life?
I am convinced that there are forces at work that know
if there is the smallest possiblity that I might be happy or
even marginally content and work to destroy that possiblity
long before I have a chance.
So I probably should just give up now...before there is a chance
that I might have a glimpse of possible happiness...because
if I get that glimpse...I know it will be removed from my 
reached without hesitation..
So..to all those agents of misfortune out there - fuck you..I am
going home..I don't want to play anymore...you win...

Jeff <- The "JOKE" a minute guy

ObQuote - "To pick a rose..you ask your hands to bleed."
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Choosing a Major Angst...
Date: 4 Oct 92 19:23:49 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

T.S. Eliot (toj8j@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU) wrote:
: Like so many others out there, I'm a physics major (how many of us ARE
: there on the net, and on alt.angst in particular?  There should be a
: census...)

my degree is in psych. which actually sucks, first because everyone
assumes it's a b.a., but it's actually a b.s. (which also sucks,
because that leads to really tired jokes) and totally in experimental
and research psych; i didn't take a single clinical course.

which of course is the other problem with my field (besides the utter
lack of relevant jobs for someone with just a b.s.): everyone's an
expert. just ask them; they'll tell you. and if you tell them they
don't have a clue, they get hostile. at least when you tell people
they're wrong about quarks they don't gt argumentative. and since i
have a good deal of experience in hotlinne counseling, i end up doing
a lot of that sort of thing anyway. not that i mind, i spose.

: Also like so many others out there, I'm beginning to wonder about my future
: in my field.  I mean, xx years of grad school to get a PhD, then maybe a 
: professorship but more likely xx more years of postdoc work trying to find
: a real niche, make a real contribution, with no guarantee that I'll ever
: discover anything more significant than my own incompetence, doesn't thrill
: me at all.

i felt this way about psych... i wanted so badly to do something
*real* and was afraid that i couldn't. i'm still dithering about grad
school. i need to decide soon, cause i don't wanna take the gre again.

: And I was almost an English major too.  I mean, I could have been happily
: over in the liberal arts, knowing full damn well that my life had no meaning
: but accepting it and living on day to day nevertheless, secure in the
: knowledge that I could do that because I understood existentialism.  I can't

i had minors in stats and in american studies, a very liberal artsy
honors program thing at my university (i graduated from ut-arlington).
the liberal arts stuff kept me alive and interested and helped me slog
through the one or two classes i seriously disliked. but i always felt
bad for not choosing a more scientific major. i mean, the undergrad
psych program was pretty rigorous, but i always had this nagging sense
that i would be a mor worthy person if i were doing *real* science
over with the chemists or the physicists. that's even though
chemistry aand physics bored me silly. 

i dunno what to tell you, though. i mean, i'm three years out of
undergrad and i work at a part-time job and just kinda slack off and
work on the zine and hang out on the net the rest of the time.

sigh.

--
sine nomine
debbie martinson
"ultra fervor head to toe; sensitizes, burns and glows. helter-swelter
sweet and slow, sweet and slow... avalanche" -- that petrol emotion

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay)
Subject: Re: ...OK, OK, WE'RE ALIVE, DAMMIT, WE'RE ALIVE!!! =)
Organization: Mitre Corporation, McLean, VA
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 03:22:31 GMT

In article <1992Sep28.220335.379@lrc.edu> blosser_cy@lrc.edu writes:
> Alive? 
> 
> How many of you know you're ALIVE? 

I'm alive. I know this 'cause if I weren't, I couldn't wish I was dead
sometimes...

Have a day...
---Steve
-- 
Stephen Okay  sokay@mitre.org
"You see, I'm kind of this control freak who likes to create his own
personal hells before the real one can get to him. I like to beat hell
to hell so to speak".--Spalding Gray "Monster in a box"
Newsgroups: alt.angst