HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (Ode)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Memories Invalidated??? Re: Child
Date: 14 Oct 92 00:12:42 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

enigma@netcom.com (Enigma) writes:

>In article <BvzxF6.n2L@twwells.com> anon-1280@twwells.com (Ode) writes:
>[description of situation deleted for bandwidth]
>>Still, my life-long depressions aren't a figment of my imagination,
>>something's going on and I have to find out what. That's why I 
>>decided to write here again. 
>>
>>What should I do?
>>
>> -vickie-
>>

>Well, it sounds to me like something happened, I don't think you
>can just assume all the memories are invalid.  Maybe you can't 
>assume they're valid either, but you know something happened 
>because of the depression and emotional pain.

>Perhaps the earlier memories are true, but the one about the
>country road actually symbolizes something?  If it had been a 
>dream, how would you interpret it?  What do you think it means?

I've been trying to figure it out. To go from not feeling anything
about what happened to being angry within the space of a few days
has probably triggered something darker. My anger at him probably
worked to provide a "well he would've, if he could've" scenario.

Also, because I was raped at 14 on a country road, that locale
was a logical one for my brain to choose for this fictional rape.

Also, because I almost certainly was traumatized by suddenly being
"wrenched" away from him, never getting to see him again, somewhere
in my brain was a scenario of seeing him again *after* he got caught
and, of course, being really, *really* happy to see him again. It
would have been logical for me to go with him "when he motioned me
into the car."

I'm much more comfortable with my false memory now, in large part
because of the support I received from asar.


>Please don't blame yourself for doing anything "wrong", you
>haven't.  If you had tried to get people arrested on the basis
>of a memory that you thought might be false, that would be one
>thing, but you haven't done that.  You're just exploring your
>memories, and you have every right to talk about them.  I'm
>working on the same thing, I don't remember what happened to 
>me, and I feel guilty whenever I post about specific people.
>All you can do is be clear on what is absolutely true and what
>is maybe true.  You're doing the best you can, and that is good
>enough.

>Good luck,

Thank you.

 -vickie-

>holly



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From: anonasar@khijol.UUCP (Anonymous poster for alt-sexual-abuse-recovery)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: No waiting - announcing APS 0.6!
Date: 16 Oct 92 19:37:29 GMT

X-ANON-Version: 0.6

Announcing the release of APS, version 0.6!  This version works seamlessly
with sites that run smail or sendmail.  Mail sent to anonymous accounts is
processed immediately - no waiting around in input queues, where an
unscrupulous admin or cracker could read your anonymous mail and figure out
who you were!  Anonymous posts will be processed faster - you should see your
anonymous posts quicker...

Also, lots of small bug fixes...

Source will be posted in a day or two to alt.sources, as soon as I get a chance
to clean up the documentation.


Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com, khijol!erc@saturn.upl.com       801/538-0177

"I never thought I'd see the President of the United States on nationwide TV,
giving out 1-800 numbers."    -- Susan Spencer, CBS White House correspondent
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: sigh...
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 00:31:54 GMT

I'm impressed with the clarity of your post--it reads like the result
of a lot of hard thinking and feeling.

If you're interested in other presentations of that sort of "I'm a nice
guy but I won't really bother" sort of father, you should check out
Dianna Wynne Jones' fiction, especially _Dogbody_. She's very good
about emotional abuse and neglect.

                                 Nancy Lebovitz
                                 nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner)
Subject: Re: Hello, out there!
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 15:37:38 GMT
Reply-To: dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
Organization: HP California Design Center, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1.4 PL6]

Hi Rowan, welcome to asar.

My memories are not real clear, but the evidence points to threeish
(or maybe twoish) for me.  I don't know about only once (I doubt it
.. all my sibblings seem to have similar problems, so I guess there
was a long standing problem).


Doug Sojourner

dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
anon-1158@twwells.com
anonymus+444@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: stuck
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 20:41:33 GMT

Robert Ankeney (bob@reed.edu) wrote:

: In article <BvywwL.2p1.2@cs.cmu.edu> anonymus+322@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (poohbear) writes:
: >
: >Bear began to sigh, and then found he couldn't 
: >because he was so tightly stuck; and a tear rolled
: >down his eye, as he said:
: >"Then would you read a Sustaining Book, such as
: >would help and comfort a Wedged Bear in Great
: >Tightness?"

:      But then again, I sometimes think that being stuck isn't such an
: awful place.  At least you know where you are.  And in a little time
: the swelling goes down and *poof*!  You're no longer stuck!
:      Anyway, I think the Pooh books are among the most sustaining ones
: I've read.  And then there's the Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff.  It's
: helped to make Pooh one of my heroes.  Above even Eeyore.  I'm no
: longer content to "just float here down this river..."

His new one is "The Te of Piglet".  Just as good... :)
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG                  erc@apple.com                     801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: anon-1236@twwells.com (The Peaceful Warrior)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Thanks for advice on my Christmas Crisis
Date: 7 Oct 92 20:15:40 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


I just wanted to thank EVERYONE for the very
good advice on how to handle my situation with
my parents and Christmas.

I've decided that I'm going to write a very
brief letter to my Mom and stepfather telling them
not to contact me until further notice and then
I'm going to change my phone number.

I'm going to give myself a week or so to do
it all, so I can think of some really good
things to say in the letter (there's a lot
I want to tell them, but for right now I just
want them to wonder about me. If I don't
explain anything, they can't use it against
me in a verbal attack.)

Goldberry - thanks for your "angry at my parents"
post. I hope that eventually I will have
the courage and self confidence to express
to my parents how I feel about all they did
to me. Just writing them letters and not mailing
them is even somewhat healing at this point...

Anyway - thanks everyone for letting me know
you're out there. Your advice made me feel
a lot less alone. I'm going to try to hold
onto these ideas for as long as possible - 
after my Mom gets the letter, I'm going to
need all the good ideas I can get... 

Thanks,
The Peaceful Warrior 
 
 



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From: anon-1267@twwells.com (Brian)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: To anon-1281
Date: 9 Oct 92 15:21:43 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


You sent be a brief message asking if I was receiving what you sent.
I did, but you can't receive my reply.  You haven't turned on the mail
forwarding function for your address @ ASAR.

If you do that, write to me again.  I'll be able to and will respond.




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From: anonasar@khijol.UUCP
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: to Goldberry
Date: 7 Oct 92 07:20:14 GMT
Organization: Bleeding Edge Technologies

X-ANON-Version: 0.5


> like that)?  If anyone else feels (s)he is willing and able to
> give me a pat on the back (e-pat?)  or a welcoming e-hug, it
> really would help in dealing with my fears of rejection and
> abandonment.  Please?  (uh how I hate asking...)
> 
Welcome



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Taylor

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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1281@twwells.com
Subject: Test
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 05:24:21 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Hopefully this works,this time.



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From: anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: ****** !!! SPOILER !!! ******
Date: 9 Oct 92 22:05:36 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes




Ha. Haha. Ha. (Sounds of wiped out individual trying to laugh to avoid falling
apart...)


Ode writes:
> I *must* face it, I must face it and I have to write it down here and now.
> 
> I *LIKED* the sexy things he did to me. Though I didn't know anything
> about sex, and had no idea what the word sexy meant, he made me feel
> so good in ways that no one else did. Some of the things he did to me
> then are among the things that I love having done to me now. This guy
> knew how to push the right buttons. If he had been a normal guy who 
> liked women, he'd have been the most popular guy in town. Instead, he
> used all his talents on me. And I loved it. I think sexuality is
> instinctual, and I was responding to that instinct, even though I was
> a tiny little girl. 



Would somebody please explain how I read this post, how I RESPONDED to this
post and yet I don't for the life of me remember reading this paragraph? 
WILL THIS EVER END??????????

Let me go cry....(Ha. Like *I* can cry.)



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.Netcom.COM (Enigma)
Subject: Re: memories invalidated
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Service
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 05:49:13 GMT


>If you want to know more let me know and I will email you some things you
>may want to consider in evaluating hypnosis.

Why don't you post them?  I'm sure a lot of people would be interested...

Holly
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (Ode)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Hello, out there!
Date: 16 Oct 92 00:14:39 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


>Hi, I go by Rowan and I'm a survivor....gee, I don't know what to say....I  
>really like the looks of this newsgroup; I've been eyeing y'all for a  
>month or so.  Anyway, I've been having a pretty rough time of it lately  
>(flashbacks, body memories, wanting to self-mutilate, etc.) and I haven't  
>hooked up with a group or anything yet.  (Well, I'm seeing a counselor,  
>but I think I need more--a community of some kind--even if I can't see  
>your faces:)  Fairbanks doesn't seem to have much.  I think this group  
>might help.  Has anyone else out there been abused only once when they  
>were very small (threeish)?  I'd like to talk....
>                               Please let me know you're out there,
>                                              Rowan

Hello Rowan, talk as much as you want, it really does help.

Interesting that you're from Alaska. That's where I want to be quite
a bit of the time...

Take care of yourself. *Hug* if you can use it.

 -vickie-



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From: anon-1259@twwells.com (Kate)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: mail forwarding
Date: 14 Oct 92 00:42:53 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

To whoever tried to send me email, the forwarding is on now.
Kate

"Well, I was angry back then, and you know I still am."
	--Shawn Colvin



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Memories Invalidated??? Re: Child
Date: 12 Oct 92 16:09:54 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)

In article <BvzxF6.n2L@twwells.com> anon-1280@twwells.com (Ode) writes:
[description of situation deleted for bandwidth]
>Still, my life-long depressions aren't a figment of my imagination,
>something's going on and I have to find out what. That's why I 
>decided to write here again. 
>
>What should I do?
>
> -vickie-
>

Well, it sounds to me like something happened, I don't think you
can just assume all the memories are invalid.  Maybe you can't 
assume they're valid either, but you know something happened 
because of the depression and emotional pain.

Perhaps the earlier memories are true, but the one about the
country road actually symbolizes something?  If it had been a 
dream, how would you interpret it?  What do you think it means?

Please don't blame yourself for doing anything "wrong", you
haven't.  If you had tried to get people arrested on the basis
of a memory that you thought might be false, that would be one
thing, but you haven't done that.  You're just exploring your
memories, and you have every right to talk about them.  I'm
working on the same thing, I don't remember what happened to 
me, and I feel guilty whenever I post about specific people.
All you can do is be clear on what is absolutely true and what
is maybe true.  You're doing the best you can, and that is good
enough.

Good luck,

holly
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)
From: anonymus+1401@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (darkangel)
Subject: hi again..
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 1992 15:22:54 GMT

In a message received on 10 Oct 1992, 14:02
darkangel <AUVAX1::KS4443F92> wrote
to: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu

>Well after about four tries at sending my last post (told you I'm clueless with
>computers!)  I started reading some of the other things people wrote. I think
>that's what convinced me to write again...you can't guess how tempted I was to
>just be this phantom writer and suddenly vanish without warning... :) But I
>couldn't do it..I have a LOT  of things that I have to face, and still have to
>find out..and for me this is much easier than an actual support group since I
>never could imagine bringing myself to say some (or any) of the things that
>have gone on, not in front of all those people, anyway. But this way I am just
>a nickname and a number...(ok, so maybe I really am a phantom, then! :)  )
>Sigh... Also..I know I can get very confusing..especially talking about what
>happened, since I hate even thinking about it..so if anything isn't clear, just
>ask.
>
>I remembered something else a couple of days ago. I will warn you that this
>is..hideous, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't read it, or even never
>spoke to me for it. But I have to say it...as much as I hate to think about it.
>
>Whenever he(the first perp) would have finished doing whatever he had done (I
>don't know what it was, it was never the same..usually worse than the last
>time)  he would stroke my hair and kiss me and rock me in his lap..like it had
>always been me he loved..and then he'd carry to my room and put me in my bed,
>and sit there next to me for a while.  But then he would just hurt me again and 
>then afterwards do the same thing. I don't understand it now, and I really
>didn't then. Maybe there really isn't anything to understand. The worst part is
>that I liked it...I mean when he would sit there and comfort (is that really
>what you'd call it?) me..I thought maybe he'd stop..or something. But now this
>only confuses me more.  This is supposed to be out of hate, right? But did he
>really hate me?  I wish he'd just hit me afterwards..at least I could have
>understood that. These things are the same thing my so does to me when he
>comforts me...and I know it isn't the same thing...but why doesn't it, in my
>mind, feel as if they aren't the same? 
>
>
>
>(help....)
>
>
>darkangel
>

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From: scottk@cs.umd.edu (Scott King Walker)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Idiotic Surveys (was: Please Help)
Summary: This does not belong here.
Date: 8 Oct 92 19:45:59 GMT
Followup-To: /dev/null
Organization: U of Maryland, Dept. of Computer Science, Coll. Pk., MD 20742

In article <58710001@hpwrce.mayfield.hp.com> kingsley@hpwrce.mayfield.hp.com (Kingsley Morse) gives no explaination, and yet asks:
>              Please answer these 9 questions and return.

Everyone, Yes, I KNOW... when someone posts something like this, I should
just let them hear silence... OR, if I have to say something, I should say
it right back to the person who posted this.  *sigh*  I just can't do that
right now, I am sorry.

Dear Kingsley.  This has NOTHING to do with our recovery, nor do I think,
with yours.  Please go away, or at least stop posting such things.  If you
had any legitimate excuse for asking us these questions, you would have 
explained what this personal information was to be used for, and you would
have given a guarentee of confidentiality.  

>1.) Do you think equal rights for men and women is generally a good idea?
>2.) Are you pro choice?
>3.) Are you in favor of adoption?
>4.) Do you think men should be allowed to legally terminate their parental
>rights and responsibilities before fetal viability?
>5.) What sex are you?
>6.) How old are you?
>7.) What religion are you?
>8.) What political party are you affiliated with?
>9.) How many years of education have you completed?

$----------------------------------------------------------------@
The Name is King, but "Your Majesty" will do just fine, thank you!
Scott King Walker  <--  scottk@cs.umd.edu  <--  scottk@eng.umd.edu
Blessed Be the World.  Merry Meet,  Merry Part,  Merry Meet Again. 
And just WHO is this "Merry" person anyway?  Blessed Be the Earth.
#----------------------------------------------------------------!