HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: anon-1424@twwells.com ("Stephen")
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Introducing myself
Date: 20 Nov 92 15:04:51 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

ANON-Name: "Stephen"

My name is "Stephen."  I have posted on asar before, but under another name.
I wanted to introduce myself to the net.

Recently I have come to believe that I have at least two distinct
personalities.  This is very hard for me to accept.  One of them is a little
girl, maybe about seven or eight years old, and her name is Stephen.  Grown
up me likes and cares a lot about Stephen, loves her even (gosh, that's hard
to say).  Of course, sometimes grown up me doesn't believe that Stephen 
exists.  

But Stephen, she's a really tough little kid, she's hard as nails, she's
tougher than any kid at seven years old should have to be, and she doesn'
trust anybody.  So I thought maybe if I gave her her own anon-id, she
might come out and talk to people more.  And I thought maybe if people from
asar sent her friendly e-mail, she might start to trust people maybe a
little.  I care about this kid and I really want to see her happy.

Sorry if this sounds weird, as you can tell me and Stephen are not very
integrated right now.  But I think she would really like to hear from 
some people.

Me, for Stephen

ANON-Mail: yes



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1317@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: blues
Date: 23 Nov 92 17:47:54 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


I really and getting blue with the holidays
coming-  I'm starting to feel a panic at
being alone at night again  --  I just
feel lost-- like I'm by myself in the middle
of an ocean--- noone around..  I really hate
this feeling..  I do have kids and a grandson--
but I still feel so damn alone.. 

I am obsessing and I hate it--  I am obsessing over
a man who hurt me-- I want him out of my life-- but
I miss him when I don't see him-- and then I hate myself
for that-- I should hate him--not me-- he is the one that
took advantage of my friendship-- and me being vulnerable--
but NO-- I have to HATE MYSELF!!!-- this is stupid.

I am obsessing over obsessing!!!!

3 work days to get through for this day job-- maybe the
rest will help

e-mail : yes 



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1325@twwells.com (Solace)
Subject: Re: Sandy's dynamic post!
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 07:47:43 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

This was a VERY powerful post. Your intense emotions were conveyed in
a most profecient way. Bravo! 

I only hope you are dealing with the personal side of these issues...

	Hugs! (if they are accepted, otherwise redistribute)
		Solace



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1250@twwells.com (Kevin)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: re:group therapy (failed to successfully send first time)
Date: 20 Nov 92 16:30:19 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

e





















From:	IN%"anon-admin@twwells.com"  9-NOV-1992 20:29:23.95
To:	IN%"FILOCAMO@BINAH.CC.BRANDEIS.EDU"
CC:	
Subj:	unable to deliver anonymous e-mail

Received: from RUTGERS.EDU by BINAH.CC.BRANDEIS.EDU (PMDF #12080) id
 <01GQYLHV6MPS91WYI0@BINAH.CC.BRANDEIS.EDU>; Mon, 9 Nov 1992 20:29 EDT
Received: from twwells.UUCP by rutgers.edu (5.59/SMI4.0/RU1.5/3.08) with UUCP
 id AA18213; Mon, 9 Nov 92 19:23:16 EST
Received: by twwells.com (smail2.5) id AA02614; 9 Nov 92 19:23:28 EST (Mon)
Date: 9 Nov 92 19:23:28 EST (Mon)
From: anon-admin@twwells.com
Subject: unable to deliver anonymous e-mail
To: FILOCAMO@BINAH.CC.BRANDEIS.EDU
Message-id: <9211091923.AA02614@twwells.com>

The anonymous message server is unable to deliver the appended message to the
anonymous id anon-1366@twwells.com because it does not exist.

========

Subject: re:group therapy
From: anon-1250@twwells.com (Kevin)
To: anon-1366@twwells.com

Alan,
     I want to respond to the thought that you have of leaving therapy 
because you don't like your therapist.  I would say don't leave yet; talk
about your dislike with the group.  I know this is a risky thing to do, 
but one of the reasons for group therapy is to explore how you relate to
a variety of different people, and get their perspectives on what you're
saying and how you're reacting to others, including your therapist.
     I am in group now, and find that I react very defensively toward my
therapist.  It seems that I find everything he says to me is a cut down -
a way to criticise me or put me down.  I have been told by the therapist 
and by others in the group that this isn't so.  So now we're beginning to
look at why I take almost everything he says to me as a put down.  I 
hope that someday, through the work I do in group, I'll resolve or at least
recognize whatever it is that's feeding this , and so won't take it out
into my other interactions (or at least learn how to diffuse such feelings
when they inappropriately arise).
     I encourage you to stick it out for a while and be honest about how
you feel.  Use the group for your own benefit.  Good luck.
		Kevin



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: hi
From: emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp)
Date: 17 Nov 92 18:33:15 -0600

In article <BxuIIs.6vq@twwells.com>  writes:
>ANON-Name: Angel & all
>...
>oh.  we are a survivor of sexual abuse.  by our mother and our aunts and 
             ^^^^^^^^^^
I think that some part of you does indeed think of yourselves as one person.

>...
>angel & stephanie & big people & little ones & all

eric
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields)
Subject: Re: Test Message
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 13:46:52 GMT

Fabulous.  We are not only reaching Finland, we now have an anonymous
posting service there.

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: robertc@sco.COM (Robert Chansky)
Subject: Re: response to ed
Organization: The Santa Cruz Operation, Inc.
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 02:15:00 GMT


At this point I guess I'd advise anyone looking for support, or healing, or a
lack of confrontation in general skip this thread.. I don't have logical
reasons why I should be continuing, but I have one point to make.



In article <1992Nov20.175842.29780@zip.eecs.umich.edu> fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields) writes:
>
>REALITY CHECK time...
>
>>I support Anika here; I distinctly remember it: "LISTEN UP, YOU DIPSHITS"
>
>I've not been following any of this discussion.
>

[searches deleted]

Yeah, it is a little hard to prove; but I and one or two others remember it
distinctly, and that particular message was several months back; if anyone
has a news server that keeps articles around longer than that, would they 
call up the message, just to settle this once and for all?

-- 
                                 . 
                     (.signature at 50 meters)
From: anon-1370@twwells.com (Mary)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Nickname change
Date: 22 Nov 92 20:48:01 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

ANON-Name: Mary

Hopefully this will work to change my nickname.  I didn't like the "alias"
I chose, so am switching to my real name.

I have only posted briefly a couple of times, but have not really said a lot.
A few of you know a little about me from private E-mail.  Basically - I have
been aware of and trying to deal with a history of physical and emotional abuse 
for the past several years; particularly trying to deal with the tremendous
amount of anger that I still have toward my mother.  Only recently have I
started to seriously wonder if I was sexually abused as well.  Although my
first (incomplete) memory of abuse (by an uncle) occurred when I was about
18, I immediately repressed the memory to the best of my ability and then 
passed it off as the memory of a nightmare.  Now I am accepting that the
memory is likely to have been a real one and also have a smattering of
other enigmatic, yet troublesome memories.  For the past 2 or 3 months
I have been reading ASAR and find that simply having this group and reading
your thoughts, feelings, memories, etc. is helpful.  

Mary



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From: tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Yes! one for our side!
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 92 15:20:30 EST

dmw1@Ra.MsState.Edu (Dianna Michael White) writes:
> In article <oPg7TB1w164w@penn.Gwinnett.COM> tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted d
> >well, I am very excited!
> >Elliot Wiggington (founder of Foxfire) is spending his first day in JAIL...
> >I know folks who were abused by this man, and know alot about the situation,
> >and this guy has been doing this for years and years..(heck- 23 people came
> >forward willing to testify- that should say alot)
> >I am just glad that, for today, we have a Victory.....
> >just had to tell this, and this group seemed reaaaaaaal apropriate..
> >
> >e-hugs, where applicable.
> >Ted, and friends
> 
> excuse my apparent ignorance....who? what?
> (who is this Wiggington guy and what is Foxfire?)

sorry- Foxfire was/is a program started by Elliot Wiggington to promote
learning and rekindling an interests in the fading arts of the Appalachain
mountains and the crafts and folklore- what he (Wig) did was to take students
out of the local public school system and take them to the mountains (many of
them to find relatives and whatnot) and 'rediscover'/document what was basically
becoming a dying legacy (ie homecanning and how to build a wood home and
all the folksy stuff like that...)
HOWEVER Wig was also a molester. He was also taking these kids and molesting
this (at least he confessed to one count), but as someone who was near that
situation, I personally know of someone who was abused by this man (it was
kind of a 'well known secret'....I am very glad to see this man behind bars.
(he sentencing was wonderfully rough....)
does this help?
there is a series of (very good) books called "Foxfire" and also a Broadway
play (starring Jessica Tandy and Hume Cronyn (they are married) (oops I have the
ladies name wrong- she was in Driving Miss Daisy) they also filmed the play
as well, it won several Tonys.....
Ted

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: faype@bcvms.bc.edu
Subject: Re: Outrageous!
Organization: Boston College
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 16:15:06 GMT

In article <BxzzEt.L73@twwells.com>, anon-1280@twwells.com (Ode) writes:
> 
> Another tale of abuse
> 
> The latest parent-basher is Richard Cowsill, non-singing member of the
> '60s group The Cowsills, who is now a Long Island real estate broker.
>  "My father was a child abuser, physically and sexually," he says of
> Bud Cowsill, who died in a plane crash several weeks ago. "My sister
> had to leave the house when she was 12 because she resisted his 
> advances and he battered her."

Not surprising.  Especially in light of the Jackson "story" on TV this
week.  Or should I say Jackson "whitewash".  The whole family is dumping
on Latoya, the one who accused Dad of incest for years,
playing russian roulette with the kids, etc.  The TV "story" included
everyones' point of view except hers.  They produced it without her.
The family has been calling her
crazy, etc.  Of course, they admit Dad's beatings, violence and craziness.
But of course there wasn't incest.  Yeah, right, Michael.  Problems with
ones' sexual identity?  Michael?

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: slh@gtech.com (Sandy L. Haddon)
Subject: Apple (Hello
Organization: GTECH Corporation, West Greenwich, RI
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 00:23:22 GMT



>From: anon-1383@twwells.com

>Hi, my name is Apple.  Apple has a problem.  Apple needs advice.
>Please advise as to whether you believe group therapy or individual
>therapy is preferable.  Please share your views.  

Hi Apple!  Welcome!

I've been away for a bit and am a little scattered today so please bear
with me...

Um, in reference to whether I think group therapy or individual therapy
is preferable, I think that there really is no specific type of therapy
that is better than the other.  It's a personal decision and a process
that, for me, has changed as I have changed.  For example: I didn't want
to talk to anybody about abuse issues but now I find that I do.  I have
been in individual therapy for about 3 years.  So now I'm looking for
a group too.  That's just my 2 cents :)

What *is* important to do, if you know that you have been or suspect that
you have been sexually abused, is to get some help.  There are all sorts
of kinds of "help" out there.  Books, support groups, group therapy,
individual therapy and even a.s.a.r. are forms.  I don't think that any
of the ones I listed are mutually exclusive and I certainly do not believe
that reading a book, participating (lurking or active poster) on a 
newsgroup and having a support group are replacements for therapy.  I guess
what I am trying to say is that "it" (knowing you have been or suspect that
you have been sexually abused) is not something easily "dug" into without
support.  I responded to someone recently that if you are thinking about
going into therapy, it might be a good idea to do that...but I digress.

Anyway, its very nice to electronically "meet" you and best of luck in
whatever you choose to do.

>Muchas Gracias.....

De Nada.   :)

San
From: anon-1417@twwells.com (her hiding place)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Alone again, naturally
Date: 18 Nov 92 05:07:36 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I called a friend this evening. Finally got up the nerve to call someone who's 
local to just say I'm having a bad time and needed some support. Guess it's 
unfair to ask non-survivors to understand, huh?  We ended up not having a very 
good conversation.  Felt sorta like working both ends of the conversation. 
Y'know, I'd run over and prompt her what to say and then run over and try to 
get in a position to receive it. Didn't work. She kept trying to 
intellectualize it or figure it out or something. She even told me I should be 
thankful because I had a "respite" for a few weeks a while back while I was 
feeling good. So then I felt bad cause I should be thankful instead of feeling 
like I do. Right. All I want is to be loved. All I wanted was for her to tell 
me she cared and that it would be okay. I don't need a timetable or grand 
solutions, I know this is a process. Just acknowledge my hurt. Sometimes I feel 
like i hurt so much further and deeper than my words can express and no one 
knows how really close to suicide I've been and how scary that is. Sometimes I
feel like there's a glass wall between me and the world and no matter how hard
I scream, no one hears. Feels like the abuse, and that makes me cry. I've been
crying about a lot of the abuse lately, been crying about all of my childhood
lately. Sometimes the hurt is just overwhelming. And I can't make anyone hear
me. Like banging on your t.v. and trying to get the people on the screen to
acknowledge you...doesn't work. Sometimes I wonder if I'm alive, a part of this
world.
I have a couple asar friends, but long distance calls are expensive, and I feel
like lately I've been so needy and an e-mail pest. Sometimes I need a voice,
not just words on a screen. (Actually I'd prefer a flesh and blood hug and
shoulder to cry on. Someone who "understands". But I live alone & I can not
think of anyone else local I want to/could call just to say "I hurt" and "I'm
not doing well.)
It's just not fair, I did not do this to myself, I did not wish this upon
myself, and now I have to pay for it!!!


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From: anon-1417@twwells.com (her hiding place)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Quantum Leap...helplessness
Date: 18 Nov 92 18:19:29 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

In article <BxwEsw.Io7@twwells.com> Silver Tiger writes:

>Just watched the latest episode of Quantum Leap, and it was very
>disturbing in one part...

>****SPOILERS for the 11/17 episode, and <minor spoilers> for the
>part that disturbed me...****
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>OK.... the disturbing part was the part where Al "centered" on
>the little girl (Abagail) and found the woman threatening her
>and hitting her.  Al couldn't do anything to stop the abuse,
>and Dean Stockwell did a great job of agonizing over the fact that
>he couldn't physically touch the girl to help her (Dean plays Al,
>a hologram).  This struck a chord in me, just the helplessness
>feeling I guess.  Did anyone else feel the same?

I saw the part you described and the thing that struck me was how angry Al
was, how the whole thing was so wrong in his eyes. Somehow, it greatly helps me
to see a male stepping forward to say that abuse is wrong. Made me hope that
other guys watching it would get it set in their minds that it's wrong and
possibly intervene to save a child. But, yeah, now that you mention it, the
fact that Al could not physically touch/help the girl is hard. Even today I
feel like I'm the only one who knows the depth of my pain, no one touched it
then, no one now. I feel like a hologram, shouting and no one hears. How could
anyone hear the awfulness of all this, it's to complex/painful for hearing.

>And on another QL related topic, has Sam ever stopped a child's
>sexual abuse?  (I know I've wished many times that Sam could
>leap into my past...maybe that's part of the appeal of the show.:):):<

>Silver Tiger

I've never seen it. Not sure how I'd feel seeing it either. Seeing a portrayal
of sexual abuse and Al popping in, not able to stop it......? Even if Sam did
eventually stop it, it would be hard to watch the whole show.



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1357@twwells.com (Silver Tiger)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: To Kate (and the little one)
Date: 21 Nov 92 00:36:16 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Kate and dear little friend:

That is truly a horrible, frightening thing, to have one's privacy
violated.  I hope you can regain your secure place soon... and that
it will not be violated again!  

Being violated in youth has led me to treasure security 
more than other people.  For example, I went through my "emergency
phase" (or the last one) at the same time that I had a roommate.
I trusted her completely, but she had a slimy boyfriend that was
basically using her (has since left, and now even his best friend
has realized he was scum)...this man of course had access to the
living room, and once was in my room to look at my posters, when
my roommate was not aware.  I felt so violated then, to the point
that I would "boobytrap" my room...pile things just inside the door
(which opened in) that were arranged just so, and I would see if
they had been disturbed...I was so paranoid that he would convince
my roomie to have sex in my room that I once left a few raw eggs
under the covers of my bed, so that if sat on they would be crushed...
Now I realize that this was not a likely occurence, but I equate
violation of my personal space with the abuse, therefore I figured
sex must be involved somewhere.  

Now I live alone, and *I* determine who comes and goes.  I miss my
roommate, and have become lonely, but there are some definite good
points:
*I do not have to unlock my door for anyone.  (Eg: When the "scum"
was in town recently, he said to another acquaintance that he was
thinking of visiting me.  My plan was to just ignore him if he
came to the door.  What could he do to me?  If he tried to break in,
the police were not far away...it gave me a sense of power again.)
*I know that I am the only one who sees my stuff.

Some other violations that I have had:
* Some cleaning personnel here have knocked, then come right in (with
their skeleton key)...once I was asleep, and had just gotten up when
I heard my door open.  The man came right in, and I just managed to 
shut my bedroom door in time.  I shouted, "Just a minute."  The man
came to my bedroom door AS I WAS GETTING DRESSED, and began to open
it.  I fairly roared, "STAY OUT!  I WILL BE THERE IN A SEC!	"
It worked, but I was much enraged.  Luckily, I pulled the tiger
back into control, but it was a close thing to me opening the door
and attacking this man who was entering my space uninvited.

I hope this helps you, as well as being my own personal
venting... you are not alone!

Silver Tiger




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