From: jfrawley@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Judy Frawley)
Subject: Re: rec.food.washing.up
Organization: Syracuse University
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 92 11:41:16 EDT

In article <1616@adpplz.UUCP> martin@adpgate.UUCP (Martin Golding) writes:
>jern@visual1.jhuapl.edu (Bob Jernigan) writes:
>
>: I'm wondering about kitchen customs, how cooking chores are managed, 
>: shared or disputed.
>
Divorce solved the problem with my ex-husband :-)  It's not meant to
be that funny, but that was a major problem in our lifes - sharing
responsibilities.  He wanted a wife who worked full time AND did all
the work around the house, except for the things that he was SO much
better at.

But NOW, I have an SO who absolutely loves everything I make (geesh,
I'm really not used to that!).  I love to cook, so I make dinner
and he cleans up.  I do my best to clean as I go, but he doesn't
fuss at the mess, so sometimes, I just leave a mess :-) 
I serve the meals on plates (not family style - too many dishes) 
and we are all responsible for clearing our own plates and 
getting them to the sink.  If there is time, and I don't have
to bathe or do something else with my daughter, my SO and I
do the dishes together.  All in all, we have a pretty flexible
arrangement and it is much less stressful than my marriage 
was. I hope it lasts.

I cook for my SO, myself, and my four-year old daughter. 
She likes to help with the cooking and has been known to empty a 
dishwasher from time to time.  
I don't push her to do things, but I do encourage whatever
natural curiosity she might have regarding cooking and cleaning.
She is responsible for cleaning up and putting away her bath
toys after her bath, putting her dirty laundry in the laundry
basket and making sure her toys are put away (all the pieces 
in the box:-)). 

>
>OTOH when I was a kid we were making weekend breakfast by the age of ten,
>thanks to judicious applications of my mother's Kitchenaid. (The drawback
>to that was when my little brother discovered food color: imagine having
>to face green pancakes with red peppermint syrup at some ungodly hour
>on a Saturday, and keep smiling.)
>
My mother encouraged ALL of her kids to cook (four girls and a boy) As
a result, while we don't all love to cook (my sister isn't crazy about
it), we CAN cook and survive.  
I will never forget the time I made peanut butter hamburgers for
dinner (it was my night) and my mother and sister just about gagged.
My father, bless his heart, ate the whole thing and encouraged me
to keep trying....

>So we have a Standing Rule: There's Always Pizza.
Same here!  But add Chinese to the list (although it
is more expensive, we've used it on occasion).

For parties and what not, all are encouraged to help.  I am teaching
my SO to cook, and he can perform most simple tasks - make a decent
salad (tossed or fruit), mash potatoes, slice and chop, and follow
orders :-)  He will often clean the living room and dining area and
tidy up and vaccuum while I'm making dinner, which works out well.
My daughter likes to spray things, so she has a bottle of dilluted
soap which she sprays the furniture with and wipes down.

>There's another often overlooked very large issue: If you have different
>basic standards (eg I _hate_ seeing pots soaking, she can't _stand_ a stack
>of dishes in the sink), it's hard to trade off responsibilities. "If you
>want it done right, you have to do it yourself." If you want someone else
>to do it, it has to be on their terms. After much discussion and an
>excess of arguing, we have managed to accept these basic flaws in each
>other's personalities. Until we understood the problem, it was impossible
>to settle it. 
>
I have learned through virtue of a failed relationship, that there are
some things just not worth arguing about (of course your mileage
may vary, and I do not LIVE with anyone; we're together all the time,
but it's still different than living together).  I am just so glad
to have someone in the kitchen who isn't telling me all the things
that I am doing wrong, that I let my guy do whatever he wants in terms
of cleaning the kitchen (or the house for that matter).  He does a 
great job and has never failed to wipe off a counter.  The only thing
he does is pile things up in piles when he cleans up,and sometimes 
I can't find something.  He usually knows where it is, though, so it
hasn't been too much of a problem...it just bothers me a little bit.

>: Please email to me, if there is any interest in kitchen custom I'll post 
>
>What, and miss out on the the yelling and screaming^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hdiscussion?
>
>
There was so much arguing in my house about who was supposed to do
what and when that I try really hard not to let those issues spoil
my dinner.  Having only one child does make things easier for me
than for people who have children fighting about whose turn it
is to do something....but, then, that's why I only have one.
Overall, I think we have a pretty cooperative bunch of people at
my apartment...my daughter is pretty self-sufficent for a four-year-old,
and my SO is a real help AND is learning to do things in the kitchen
he was previously told he couldn't do (also a failed marriage:-().
We're having fun.

Judy