From: kc2@doc.ic.ac.uk (K Campbell)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Approaching strangers
Followup-To: soc.motss
Date: 12 Jan 1993 13:32:59 -0000
Organization: Department of Computing, Imperial College, University of London, UK.
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: oak27.doc.ic.ac.uk


In article <ALLEMANG.93Jan12101537@liasun7.epfl.ch>,
 allemang@lia.di.epfl.ch (Dean Allemang) writes: 
|> In article <1993Jan12.005413.25057@fuug.fi> an4782@anon.penet.fi writes 
|> (among other things): 
|>>    the impression it's not just me peering at him, I sometimes think he is 
|>>    stealing glances at me although our eyes seldom meet.
|>> 
|>>    So: what do I do?  I am almost at a point where I want to take the guy 
|>>    aside and - no, not for *that* - just say, "Can I ask a personal question;
|>>    are you gay?"
|>> 
|>>    How do you get acquainted with a
|>>    mysterious but very attractive stranger?
|> 
|> I have been in this situation, oh I don't know how many times.  Not
|> once has he been gay, but on several occasions I have found that I
|> made a good friend in the process. 
|> Now, with that in mind, your next step becomes clearer.  Treat him
|> like anyone who you see often in a public place.  Speak to him, as if
|> you felt odd having seen someone so often without speaking.  I have
|> found that at this point I have trouble controlling my voice, from
|> fear and excitment.  He won't notice - he will just think you talk
|> funny.  Talk about whatever sports he does, share with him your
|> experience.  If possible, make a date to play squash, swim, run, Real
|> Tennis, or whatever you might find in common.  Get to know him.  He
|> might be a real jerk.  And somehow, I always find that if I really
|> don't like someone as a person, those washboard abs and ample basket
|> just don't seem so interesting anymore. 
|> When you feel comfortable with him, then you can find out if he might
|> be interested in more.  And you can bring it up in a more natural
|> situation, when you (and he) feel comfortable.

Much easier to say than to do, I think.  I have frequently seen people - 
one I have in mind in particular who went on the same bus to university
every day - whom I was attracted to, but never started a conversation.
Ignoring the difficulties posed by the "Maybe he's just looking at me
because he's wondering why I keep looking at him" paranoia, there is the
other possibility that I notice him because I am attracted to him.  He is
not gay and/or not attracted to me, and possibly hasn't noticed that we
see a lot of each other.  So what if I say something, and he looks at me
like a complete strange, since he's never actually noticed me before.

(Incedentally, it wasn't me who posted the original article, but you could
have e-mailed a reply to an4782@anon.penet.fi and it would have been received
by the original poster.)
        ################################################################
        ##  Kenny Campbell         ______     If at first you don't   ##
        ##  Imperial College       \    /     succeed, failure might  ##
        ##  London                  \  /      be your style.          ##
        ##  kc2@doc.ic.ac.uk         \/                 Quentin Crisp ##
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