From: stank@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (Stan Krieger)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Aggression, bullying, persecution (was: Aggression in boys)
Date: 16 Oct 92 16:02:16 GMT
Organization: Summit NJ

>I think that I may have been less than clear when I wrote that -
>
>>I still don't understand, however, why my parents and teachers felt that it 
>>was my responsability to handle the bullies. As a sociey we discourage 
>>adults from assaulting other adults, why don't we feel the same way about 
>>children hitting other children?
>
>I don't believe that we should call in the police everytime we see one child
>hit another.  I do believe that it's our responsiblity as adults to discourage
>the behaviour.  My experience was that the adults focused exclusively on 
>changing the victim (me).  My parents told me that the bullying would stop if
>I just 'stood up for myself'.  My teachers advised me to stop being such a 
>baby and ignored the school yard fights.  Both parents and teachers made it
>quite clear that the teasing, bullying, etc... were my fault.

I think this, and other discussions on the issue, point out two
general problems-

   1.	Why do some children become the target of bullying or of
	out and out persecution (i.e., the child "everybody"
	picks on), and

   2.	Why are adult leaders, such as teachers and youth group
	leaders, totally incapable, unable, or unwilling to handle
	it?

We saw on misc.kids, a story in which 4 girls were persecuting a 5th
at a Girl Scout Troop event, so the leader, in her infinite wisdom,
figures that the way to stop the violence was to have the 5th girl
leave the organization.  And how many of us can recall a time when
someone was cheap-shotting us in school, and in order to get action,
we finally blurted out something like "Joe, stop hitting me!", and then
the teacher punished us for interrupting the class instead of "Joe"
for creating the situation?

As a Boy Scout leader, I often wish the boys who are the victims would
tell me what's going on.  Nothing is more embarassing, and hypocritical,
than for us to advance a boy in rank and then find out that his conduct
behind our back makes a total mockery of the Scout Oath and Law.

Another problem with children is that they don't seem to understand
when things have gone too far.  Clearly, things are totally out of
hand when one parent has to call another, but then the next day, the
aggressor now has another thing to persecute the victim about, so all
the victim knows is that his parents calling the other child's parents
made the situation worse.

I think my first paragraph on this says it all though.  When an adult
is responsible for a large number of children, unless they have the
patience of Job, they're not going to play judge and base their actions
on what's fair; instead, they're going to do what they have to do to
minimize the disruptions (that is, they define the problem as the
disruptions and not the cause of the disruptions).  Thus, if all
the disruptions seem to center on the same child, they just want
that child out of the picture.  And where this complicates matters
is that, in many cases, the same children who are picking on someone
in school are the ones who cheap-shot him at Scouting, Little League,
Pop Warner, or church/synagogue groups, and when the victim fights back,
he's the one classified as the "troublemaker".
-- 
Stan Krieger                 All opinions, advice, or suggestions, even
UNIX System Laboratories     if related to my employment, are my own.
Summit, NJ
smk@usl.com