From: ray@anaconda.cis.ohio-state.edu (william c ray)
Newsgroups: rec.food.cooking
Subject: Re: shareing kitchen chores
Date: 9 Oct 92 16:55:36 GMT
Article-I.D.: cis.1992Oct9.165536.27311
Distribution: na
Organization: The Ohio State University Dept. of Computer and Info. Science

various people write...
>>> 15-30 seconds before I am
>>> finished I hear "Anything I can help with?"
>>> 
>>My favorite is when you've staggered back and forth from the garage
[many trips]  and desperately
>>trying not to drop the bag that is ripping, you hear "Is that the
>>last of it, or do you need help??"....
>>
>>:>  happens to me all the time!
>
>My darling hubby is considerably less subtle than this.  He will actually
>ask, are you close enough to done yet for me to ask if you need any help?
>
>He thinks it's cute.

and various other husband bashing... 

Now normally I'm not one to get into these discussions, but I just can't
let all this go without comment... I'd just like to point out that this
goes _both_ ways.  In my family, for example, we get back from a shopping
trip, and she hops out of the truck, opens the walkway gate, and heads
for the house.  Meanwhile I drop the tailgate, scoop up 5 or 6 bags of
groceries, the cat litter and the milk (yes, that's 2 bags under each arm,
one by the top rolled up in each hand, and the milk and cat-litter jugs
each hooked over a finger... Ok, so I'm lazy, I don't like to make
a half-dozen trips!) navigate down the walk, trying to avoid our great
dane, who is overjoyed to see us, and arrive at the kitchen door.
By now my wife has managed to open the screen door, and is fumbling around
in that infinitely deep purse of hers, looking for the house key.
This usually takes a minute or so, or long enough for the rolled up 
tops of the bags I'm holding in my hands to start to rip off, whichever
is longer.  As soon as she gets the door unlocked, she graciously
opens it for me to allow all groceries now rapidly spilling out of
the two split bags to cascade onto the kitchen floor.  I grumble that
she could have grabbed those bags and avoided the mess, to which 
she replys that I should have told her I wanted her help.  I stumble
over the pile of groceries towards the counter to set down the remaining
bags, while she pitches her purse and totebag on the only clear
section of said counter, and runs upstairs to check on the cat.
Several trips later, she re-appears, and comes back out to shut the
tailgate on the truck for me after the last load.

As for other tasks, I cook, (except for spaghetti, which she does
a marvelous job of), she washes the dishes (except for when the
pile gets _so_ big that I can't stand it anymore, then I do
them), I sweep and dust the house, and clean the bathroom, she
empties her cat's litter boxes.

I'm trying to teach her to cook a bit more, and to pay a little
more attention to when people around her need help, so I'm not
too upset by the "inequity" of our chores distribution.  She
just wasn't brought up in an environment where asking others if
they needed assistance was normal.  

Now I've got a question for
all you ladies out there that think your men are some kind of
thoughtless slobs when it comes to seeing that you need/want
help with some chore.  When he's out in the garage working on
the car, bashing his knuckles and swearing about having to hold
6 different things at the same time, and not being able to see
what he's doing 'cause he can't hold the flashlight in his mouth
at the right angle, are you there holding things and handing
him the tools he needs?  When he's in the workshop complaining that
he can't seem to hold all the parts together and glue or nail them
at the same time, are you helping?  When he's mowing the lawn and
fighting with lifting up the branches on the shrubs and getting
the mower under them, where are you?  If you're not there helping
out at these times because its "his thing to do", or a "guy thing",
etc, maybe you should re-examine why he's not helping you with
the chores, and how you each got these pre-concieved ideas in the
first place.

Will Ray
computer programmer by profession
cook, mechanic, househusband, carpenter, etc by choice.