From: guest@chopin.Physics.McGill.CA (Muhep Guest account)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.misc
Subject: Re: The Definitive STAR TREK Parody   Chapter 1
Date: 6 Jan 93 22:42:24 GMT
Organization: SOCS, McGill University, Montreal, Canada


                     The Definitive STAR TREK Parody
 
                                Chapter 9

                             The Sorry Years*

*The times given in this chapter are not canon.  Canon dates for the
second through fifth seasons could, it seems, be calculated from the
stardates by dividing the year into 1000 stardates.  This, thus,
invalidates the notion that 1 stardate = 1 day at least for TNG.
I have assumed 1 stardate = 1 day for TOS.  But you don't care, do you? 



No sooner had Dr. Crusher returned to the Enterprise, things started 
going wrong.  To begin with, Wesley almost destroyed the ship when two 
nanites (tiny robots) he had been experimenting on escaped and started
tearing the ship apart.  A week later, the Enterprise crew had to  
apologize 
to the people of the colony on Tau Cygni V for being unable to stop the
Sheliak from destroying it ("Well, look, at least you have time to 
evacuate.").  Then, the Enterprise investigated the
destruction of the Rana colony, population eleven thousand, on Delta Rana
IV, only to discover that the attackers,
the Huwsnok race, were also destroyed in
the battle, all fifty billion of them!  Then, Dr. Crusher broke the
Prime Directive by failing to wipe clean any memories of their visit
in the mind of a member of a primative race. Two weeks later, the
Enterprise crew examined a Promelian battle cruiser in an effort to
determine what killed its crew. They found out the hard way.  

Things went relatively alright for the next two months.  Then, trying
to help out their future-fellow-Federation-members in the Akosha system,  
the
Enterprise crew became responsible for a rebellion on Lunar 5.  Things
didn't go exactly as planned on Rutia IV either.  Then, another three
months later, Picard found himself in the position of trying
to explain not only the disappearance of the alien creature known as 
Gamtu but that of Federation expert Tam Elbrun. 

Another three months later, The Borg invaded the
Federation.  Good thing they had Klingons to back them up because
the Borg got close to destroying Earth.  It was then that Picard,
having been made one of the Borg himself, suggested that the Borg
be put to sleep.  Data managed to interpret this as a command to
use (perhaps it would have been easier if Picard had said "reboot"),
assuming he could get access to their system.  Sure enough, he did.
The Borg ship then self-destructed, their system having been tampered
with.

A couple of weeks after having recovered from his experience with the
Borg, Picard, the diplomat, almost started a war with the Talarians.
As luck would have it, next week, another one of Wesley's experiments
went wrong and he was lucky the Traveller was around to rescue his 
mother from certain death.

The next seven months were alright.  Then the Romulans, using mind
control on Geordi, tried to reignite hostilities between the Klingons
and the Federation.  Picard got the last laugh though
when he prevented the Romulans from interfering in the Klingon civil war.
Even then, the Romulan Commander Sela managed to lay a guilt trip on
Picard whose alternate-timeline counterpart had sent her mother, the
alternate-timeline Tasha Yar, back in time thus resulting in her 
mother's capture by the Romulans and, thus, her birth as a half-breed.
Picard obviously lives for guilt trips.

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