From: bart@muppet.bt.co.uk (Tim)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: AAAAaaaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhhhhhh  8-(
Date: 29 Sep 92 12:15:27 GMT
Reply-To: bart@muppet.bt.co.uk
Organization: British Telecom

In article 436@dct.ac.uk, mcramm@dct.ac.uk (McRamm) writes:
>dct.ac.uk is Dundee Institute of Technology (formerly Dundee College of
>Technology) - Nothing to do with University of Dundee (std. disclaimer required
>due to political dispute!)

Jute City huh ? Nice place.

>Too true - the problem is that more and more of my "friends" are succumbing
>to the norm (okay - that's their choice), and are believing the popular opinion
>quoted above (re marriage and kids). It's getting so bad that after a few
>_months_ of "happily married life" they seem to become completely different
>people. I'm sorely tempted to set up a RFD/CFV for soc.mysoginyst (sp?) in
>response to it.

Absolutely correct. But maybe that's part of the plan when you get married. Two
halves of one whole and all that jive. :-)  Nah, I don't believe it either...
>
>Noone else seems to accept the fact that I can possibly be happy and normal as
>unless I get involved in some "relationship" (gack! - nasty word). Personally,
>I don't think that I have the time for such a "thing" and I'm certainly not 
>prepared to go out looking for one - if anything should happen, then I might 
>let it roll along for a while to see if anything happens, but I have no 
>intention of actively seeking a SO.

A commendable attitude. Speaking personally, that's not for me though.. I'd like 
something in that department but the cupboards are bare :-(
>
>Incidentally, since I posted the first message, things have degenerated even
>further. My best friend (from school days), announced his engagement to his SO
>a couple of days ago, and I have two problems with that. 
>Firstly - he's been propossing to her almost every day for about 2 months now,
>and I find it highly suspicious that she didn't accept until about a week
>before she has to leave the country (foreign national with expiring visa). My
>suspicion is that she has accepted for the time being in order to have a quiet
>few days before she leaves, and that there will be a thoroughly unpleasant
>letter in the post within the next month or so. (I hope I'm wrong for his sake,
>but I doubt it).

Yeah, this kinda situation makes you analyse just what is meant by a best friend. 
I always reckon a little distance from the action improves your vision and clarity
of the situation tenfold. i.e perhaps you're right, but it's not your mistake to
make. If you voice this like a 'best friend' should, then what... Either you were
right and he ends up feeling shitty, or you are wrong and they get mightily 
pissed off with you, you feel shitty. Or even you telling him what you think 
precipitates a confrontation between them that may not of happened. Everyone feels
shitty. Basically, who are you to pull the plug on  something that may be genuine
or rotten?
>
>Secondly, I seem to have noticed a distinct change in behaviour since the
>proposal phase began. Before, he was very much "one of the lads" and considered
>himself a free agent. Since the start of the PP he seems to have become a
>subservient entity, requiring persmission from the SO to undertake any sort of
>social activity. Indeed, it has become so bad that eh spends more time with her
>circle of fiends (deliberate spelling) than with his own. This, I believe, is a
>subconscious attempt to prove his fidelity to her, and to prove that he is
>reformed from his days as a free agent.

Hmm, a real similar kind of thing has happened to me. A guy I went to school
with and who is (was?) perhaps a really good friend got into a relationship and
was married within the space of a year or so. I don't see him that often because
he lives a good way away. Since he was in a relationship, and now married, it
seems to me (at least these are the general signals I get) that he really couldn't
give a shit about people who were his friends. Well, maybe thats a little strong:
I think being married (supposedly) provides you with a best friend above all others, and maybe the emphasis has shifted from people like me to his wife. Not a lot you 
can do about it, but it can still piss you off initially. In your case, it seems
that indeed the friend is trying (openly or not) to make a statement to his former
peers (that's you :-) that his position has changed. That's not really surprising
is it ? 

Tim

"I been trying to get down, to the heart of the matter
 But my will gets weak, and my friends seem to scatter
 But I think its about...forgiveness"				don henley
Newsgroups: soc.singles