From: jct@mti.sgi.com (Chris Thomas)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Missing shared experiences (was: Depression)
Date: 15 Dec 92 23:57:05 GMT
Organization: A poorly-installed InterNetNews site
NNTP-Posting-Host: twink.mti.sgi.com

callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan) writes:
>I'll still never know exactly what it's like to have 
>those sort of awkward, inexperienced, adolescent romances that other 
>people remember fondly and joke about.

Oh, my...  yes, yes, YES!  And that fact hurts.  A lot.  Powerless.

My own first "experience" was at the "tender young age" of 29.  Even though
the lack-of-experience was certainly there, I "know" that this went *far*
differently from how it would have if I had been, say, 18 or 16 or....
And, no matter what I do, I am stuck -- my experiences of the past have
made me what I am, and I can't conveniently set all of that aside (if
not mentally, then certainly physically!) when it's time to have that
burst of awkward "young-love".

>Please, nobody tell me that they're not so great anyway, or whatever.  The 
>point is that I'm missing a piece of shared experience, and there's not 
>a *damn* thing I can do about it at my age.

One of the other responses mentioned that *some* things can possibly be
done about it.  I am somewhat skeptical as to how successful -- or even
desirable -- this can be.

I'm not just talking about sexual experiences here, either.  Because of
the extremely sheltered, perhaps even naive, life I led into my college
years -- and because of the choices I've made since then -- I sometimes
feel as if I've dug a very deep rut for myself, and that I'm condemned
to spend the rest of this life wondering how I got there in the first
place.

Piling into the car to go see a bad movie... dealing with the tribulations
of <fill-in-your-favorite-student-job-here>... wasting a day at the beach...
plowing your skateboard down the sidewalk of the business district at
lunchtime....  Really "silly" things that, although nothing's truly
preventing me from doing them *right now*, still just won't be "the
same".

Besides, although these missing shared experiences are part of our
culture, maybe they're even vastly overrated, and I'm bothered about
this only because society says I'm *supposed* to be bothered if I haven't
done all of these things.  I just don't know.

>I cannot fathom why, but I just decided that all the standard human 
>passions were not for me.  I was in *control*, and would decide what feelings
>I would and would not have.

Ah yes, Mr. Spock always seemed to be the most tranquil creature on
television.  (This was before "Kung Fu", of course!)  It was a lesson
that was a marvelous coping device -- stay detached and emotionless, and
no hurt will come -- but it was a miserable lesson to carry over into
later life.

>By the time I got to college, it had been too much to take.  I decided to 
>lighten up.  Or rather, I didn't *decide*; I admit that others around me 
>brought me to this stage.

Perhaps this begins (or intensifies) in college for many folks, myself
included.  I can point to three or four individuals from my college days
who truly made a lasting impact on how I "fit into" the world... not in
any concrete ways, but simply by them being who they were.  (And most of
them probably don't even know it.)

For me, it's still continuing, and I'm consciously trying to associate
with people who will drag me, kicking and screaming if necessary, out of
the protective shells which still remain.

Basically a Good Thing, *but* -- returning to the original angst here --
It's Just Not The Same.  Circular argument alert!!

>Perhaps they never tell it.

People in Western society *aren't* supposed to tell stories like this.
It hurts BMW sales.



-- 
Chris Thomas                                                (415) 390-4118
S4/7 b g+ l y+ z+ n+ o+ x-/+ a++ u v-/+ j++                jct@mti.sgi.com
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