From: kamal@specialix.co.uk (Kamal Mortoza)
Subject: Re: Conversions
Organization: Specialix International, London
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 10:43:23 GMT

litterst@pecan.cns.udel.edu (Stephen Litterst) writes:

>Okay, this is something that came up in a conversation at EveCon and I wanted
>to get a ton of opinions on it... While discussing coming out with Brendan
>(he's bi, I'm not {yet}) I mentioned that several people had been doing their 
>darnedest to "convert" me.  Now I'd never thought about it, but Brendan was
>incensed that people were interfering in someone else's soul searching.  He
>feels (and I agree now that I think about it) that someone's coming out should
>be a personal event/struggle with other people there to be supportive, not
>influential.  As I looked around at the bifolk that I was hanging around with
>that weekend I heard (what I assumed) to be good-natured joking around about
>various people's attempts to "convert" other people.  Im my limited experience
>outside of this group, I tend to notice females doing this more often than 
>males.  Is this normal?  Is this ethical?  Or am I just being a prude?  

I tend to think attempts to convert people in this way a little intolerable.
When I was young, I always felt attractions to both boys and girls - but
because of the society I was in, conciously suppressed and got confused by
my attraction to males. Then, when I was about 17, I got physically involved
with a male freind, and it was like a relief - sorta like "Wow - I've liked
boys that way as well". But the group of people I met at the time were mainly
gay and they seemed to pressure me by saying things like "Your really gay,
who needs women ?" etc. But I knew I had a strong attraction, emotionally and
physically to women as well - so it created a kind of confusion. At one point
I acted what I thought was gay, and another what I thought was straight. It was
only after meeting my wife that I started to learn to act myself - neither gay,
not straight, nor "bi" - just myself. I also experienced pressure from straight
freinds at the time trying to convince me that "It's a phase, your really like
girls, your' too masculine not to be straight" etc. All the time all I needed
was to shed the role-playing and be myself. My advice is ignore all pressures
from all sides and be yourself. If you meet a guy you can be intimate with, you
will know - same way you know when you meet a girl. One of the problems with
societies - gay, bi, straight, etc - is that as groups they will always try to
justify their way as best (heaven knows - I'm guilty of that too from time to
time till I'm reminded of what I'm doing), but the truth is - you don't have to
strictly identify with any group or role by behaviour - do what you feel is
right for you and you alone. Good luck with finding yourself....

Love
kamal


>					Thanks for the opinions,
>					*HUGS* to all.

>					Steve
>P.S. Hi Steve. (If you're watching) Lela, too (if you're watching)

>-- 
>        ---<[{       .sig in stereo (where available)       }]>---
>| Stephen C. Litterst           |  Nice guys finish last...              |
>| kyraan@bach.udel.edu           \ 	But we do get to sleep in.       |
>|_litterst@freezer.cns.udel.edu___\______________________________________|
-- 


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