From: swanger@ducvax.auburn.edu
Subject: Re: Roll Tide down the Polls!
Organization: Auburn University, AL
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 05:39:47 GMT

In article <dkm2.721972602@Isis.MsState.Edu>, dkm2@ra.msstate.edu (David K. Magee) writes:
> chad@chad.NoSubdomain.NoDomain (Chad McGuire) writes:
> 
>>Jesus Christ, you are so full of shit!  Won on luck.  My God man were you
> 
> Tsk Tsk,  temper temper.  Thank you for inquiring, but my bowels are fine.
> I have already commented and begged the woof gods for forgiveness.  
> A fine man from Auburn alerted me that the woof gods are very sensitive
> to these errors in my ways, so I will agree with his posting:
> 
> Alabama 128
> Auburn -64
> 
> And I will add that Alabama should break James Bostic's legs in 34 places,
> rip Stan White's right arm completely off and feed it to the elephant,
> remove Reid McMillan's head and attach it to the Auburn bench, and hit
> Thomas Bailey so hard, that he will literally die. 

To quote The Super Fans (Saturday Night Live):

"It won't even be this close my friend"

David Palmer, in a "sobering" display of running, will run so fast that he
will create a tornado, sweeping all of the Auburn fans out of the stadium.
The resulting winds will continue on to Lee County Alabama, completely
destroying Auburn University and Auburn Alabama.  No sign of the town or the
university will ever be found again.

The bama defense will use nerve gas and machine guns to destroy the Auburn
offense.  Stan White's bullet ridden body will be nailed to the front of 
The Tide And Tiger, forever warning the rest of the college football world
of bama's power. (footnote, because he won't be sacked or intercepted,
White's last game is ironically one of his best)

The Auburn defense will be so humiliated by the bama offense that at
halftime, the living survivors will attempt to sneak out of the stadium. 
Alas, some of the AU fans that were swept out of the stadium by Palmer's
wind will reenter the atmosphere and land on the hapless AU players,
crushing them to death.

"Mean" Gene Stallings will personally chase down AU Head Coach Pat Dye and
cut out his cancerous liver.  He will then cut the liver into pieces and
feed them to the remaining AU coaches, who will then be executed one by one
by bama offensive coach Mal Moore.  Mal will of course choose a simple,
predictable method to kill the AU coaches.  One AU coach, Wayne Hall, will
be spared because he used to play for "The Bear" (theme song from "The Good,
The Bad, and The Ugly" plays in the background).  However, for the
unspeakable crime of coaching at Auburn, Stallings will remove one of Hall's
testicles (Jackie Sherrill style) and banish him from major college football
coaching forever (Hall will eventually get a job coaching at LSU - I did say
MAJOR college).

The remaining Auburn fans in the world will be rounded up into to "work
camps".  Those that get their minds right will eventually be allowed to
reenter society and become useful citizens.  Some of these might actually
see the error of their ways and become bama fans.  Those that can't absorb
the mind numbing Tide Pride brainwashing, err, re-education, will spend the
rest of their lives in prison cells, chanting over and over in a monotone
voice of the damned "Forget Hell, Punt Bama Punt, Forget Hell, Punt Bama
Punt, Forget Hell...".   The living will truly envy the dead.

Legion Field will henceforth become a Shrine to the glories of bama football
forever (oops, 30 years too late).

-- 
David Swanger,   Auburn University, Alabama,   swanger@accs.duc.auburn.edu 
Newsgroups: rec.sport.football.college