HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: prem@prem.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Names
Followup-To: rec.humor
Date: 14 Sep 1992 17:59:05 GMT
Organization: Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory
Reply-To: prem@prem.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
NNTP-Posting-Host: prem.lbl.gov

	And here is an unusual name, but I think its kinda cool.....

	I met an artist in Woodstock, NY on my pilgrimage there in June 1992.
	His name was "Justin Love". He has his own gallery in a little
	side street in Woodstock, on (I think) Tannery Mill Road or something 
	like that. Nice chap, was walking around strumming a guitar in his 
	gallery.

	Look him up if you are in Woodstock. And if any of you are close to
	Woodstock, be sure to spend some time there.......

        Peace!                    ||   
        Prem!                     ||  
                                  ||
                                 //\\
                                //||\\
                               // || \\
From: bole@hmivax.humgen.upenn.edu (Greg Bole)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.arts.movies
Subject: Re: Mixed Up Movie Titles
Date: 12 Sep 92 21:39:06 GMT
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: HHMI/Human Genetics, Univ of Pa.

In article <19986@fritz.filenet.com>, sandra@felix.filenet.com 
(Sandra Cole) writes:

> All of us at one time or another have gotten confused about movie titles 
> and called them something other than what they actually were...Does anyone 
> else have any incidents like this?

This is a list I picked up off the Net a while ago, that addresses this very 
subject.  (I know I've done it before too)  I hope I'm not stealing the 
original poster's thunder (and unfortunatly I don't even have thier name)
but here's the list.

>At the video store I worked at, many times a customer would ask for a film,
>and goof up the title.  I have composed a list of fun film flubs that are 
>completely real, none of these were made up.

>The Quiet Sheep-  Silence of the Lambs
>All Dogs Burn in Hell- All Dogs Go to Heaven
>Slam Bam Bombay-  Salaam Bombay
>Shalom Bombay-  Salaam Bombay
>Running Out of Gas-  Running on Empty
>Dangling Legions-  Dangerous Liasons
>Who Shot Roger Rabbit-  Who Framed Roger Rabbit
>Who Framed A Fish Called Wanda- A Fish Called Wanda
>Sex, Lies and Videogames- Sex, Lies and Videotapes
>Minnisota Burning- Mississippi Burning

Kudos to the creator of the list...if you're out there, post and take a bow.

Greg Bole                               "Are you coming?  Yeah, well see the 
bole@hmivax.humgen.upenn.edu             train moves, not the platform."
                                       John Lovitz in _A Leauge of Their Own_
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 18:16:17 EDT
From: <HCM100@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Nursery Rhyme
 <1992Sep2.165257.6140@sbcs.sunysb.edu> <92248.165547TPATTERS@ESTEC.BITNET>


In article <92248.165547TPATTERS@ESTEC.BITNET>, <TPATTERS@ESTEC.BITNET> says:
>
>Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
>Jill came down with half-a-crown for doing what she shouldn't oughta!
>
>Tim

Although I'm not an Andrew Dice Clay fan, I have to admit that my favourite
version of this old theme is by him:

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
each with a buck and a quarter.
jill came back with $2.50.  That fuckin' whore...


Hans C. Masing | HCM100@PSUVM.psu.edu  | Penn State University MIS Dept |

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is
"God is crying."  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to
tell him is "Probably because of something you did."  - Jack Handey
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: brianm@sco.com (Brian Moffet)
Subject: Re: Fun with cats
Organization: The Santa Cruz Operation, Inc.
Date: Thu, 03 Sep 1992 17:43:49 GMT

bjp2399@ultb.isc.rit.edu (B.J. Prusha ) writes:
>	How do you make a dog meow?
>	Stick in the freezer for a few days thant shove it across a handsaw
>	MEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!!!!

Umm, hat should be a bandsaw, a handsaw would make a sound like

MEE...EEE...EEEE...EEE...RRR...EEE...OOO...EEE...RRR...OOO...WWW

as you pulled it back and forth.

brian
--
"Face it, Chuck.  Taken as an aggregate, the human race is a stupid, sorry lot."
                           -- Jonathan Quist

brianm@sco.com  or uunet!sco!brianm                    Speaking for Myself
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: osinski@chtm.eece.unm.edu (Marek Osinski)
Subject: Re: history of a joke (was Re: Czech joke.)
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 92 02:23:15 GMT
Organization: University of New Mexico, Albuquerque

In article <1992Sep9.171618.20507@cbnewsl.cb.att.com> saal@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (samuel.saal) writes:
>In article <j1nnn-j@lynx.unm.edu> osinski@chtm.eece.unm.edu (Marek
>Osinski) writes:
>
>>In article <1992Aug27.222500.1192@bnlux1.bnl.gov>
>>KARLIN@BNLCL6.BNL.GOV (P.L. Cowan) writes:
>
>>>When I visited Czechoslovakia last year I discovered that the Czechs are some
>>>of the best joke tellers in the world. I especially like the old anti-communism
>>>jokes from before the "Velvet Revolution". Here is my favorite:
>
>>Interestingly enough, the very same joke, but with Polish rather than Czech 
>>grandpa and with Czechoslovakia replaced by Poland, was quite popular in Poland.
>>I've heard it well before 1980. 
>
>The earliest version I know of (but I'm sure it predates that) is a 1941
>volume of Jewish humor in which the man wishes for Ghengis Khan to invade
>Poland.

Yes, Samuel, I think you are right. The way I heard that joke it was
indeed about an old Jewish Pole, who wished for Genghis Khan to be
resurrected, to have his Mongol hordes reunited, to have them marched
all the way to the Polish border, where he would decide he didn't want 
the place and would march back home.

Could it be that this joke dates back to the times of Polish-Bolshevik
war in 1920?

>-- 
>Sam Saal      kingfish!saal OR saal@kingfish.att.com
>	Vayiftach HaShem et Peah Ha`Aton

Marek Osinski

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: erik@maui.til.com (Erik Horstkotte)
Subject: Re: Hypocrite Litmus Test
Keywords: Hypocrite, spelling
Organization: Togai InfraLogic, Inc.
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 18:10:55 GMT

In article <g4X2qB1w165w@c-cat.UUCP>, david@c-cat.UUCP (dave) writes:
|> lm8637@tnessd.sbc.com (Lou Montgomery (214+464-1049)) writes:
|> 
|> ;-)       Speaking of butt-dumb politicians....
|> ;-) 
|> ;-)         Heard on the radio today.....
|> ;-) 
|> ;-)         "They come-up with great technologies like the Patriot
|> missle
|> ;-)         which will go through doors and down chimneys.  We all
|> saw this
|> ;-)         on television."
|> ;-)                                         Gov. Bill Clinton 
|> 9-9-92
|> ;-) 
|> 	Did you catch Dan Quale's response, He said something like.
|>         "How con the people of the U.S. elect someone like Bill
|> Clinton who
|>          doesn't even know the first thing about U.S. Defense
|> inititave. We
|>          all know that the Cruise Missles are the ones that go
|> through doors
|>          and down chimneys"
|> 
|> ** To set the record straight Guided Missles are the ones both
|> these knot heads
|>    are talking about ***
|> 
|>                                                        -David
|> 
|> China Cat System     
|> (301)604-5976 8N1
|> david@sandr.com 

Wrong.  What went through doors and down chimneys during Desert Storm
were
remote-controlled TV-guided bombs, not missiles.  Not to say that a
Cruise
Missile can't go through a door or down a chimney - they have a
bloody
accurate guidance system that usually gets them within a couple of
*feet*
of the exact target.  From a range of hundreds of miles.  Yipe!
-- 
Erik Horstkotte, Manager, Software Development, Togai InfraLogic,
Inc.
erik@til.til.com, uunet!til!erik - (714) 975-8522
Standard disclaimer: the preceding are my opinions, not TIL's.
From: rybicki@uctvax.uct.ac.za
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: the LAN's prayer
Date: 8 Sep 92 12:08:49 +0200
Organization: University of Cape Town

A little reworking of an old favourite for your delectation

Our fileserver, who art on LAN
NETSERVER be thy name
Thy programmes come
Thy commands be done
In DOS, and sometimes in WINDOWS
Give us this day our daily login
And forgive us our hacking
As we forgive those who hack in our files
Lead us not into corrupt procedures
But deliver our email
For thine is the CPU, the powersource and the monitor
For ever until obsolescence

Hey, man...
-- 
 _________________________________________________________________________
|                                 |                                       |
|  Ed Rybicki                     |    Now you've got the hang of it      |
|  Dept Microbiology              | There's nothing you can't do with it  |
|  University of Cape Town        |         If you're very into it        |
|  PB Rondebosch 7700             |         You can't go wrong....        |
|  South Africa                   |                                       |
|  fax 27 21 650 4023             |              - Mad John               |
|  ed@micro.uct.ac.za             | (Ogden's Nut-Gone Flake, Small Faces) |
|_________________________________|_______________________________________|
From: Glen.Taylor@f126.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Glen Taylor)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: joke protests
Date: 8 Sep 92 03:22:04 GMT
Article-I.D.: lrifido.716086653.0


 -=> Quoting Adrian Hurt to All <=-

 AH> Henceforth, the following types of message are forbidden on
 AH> rec.humor: 
 AH> . Flames against people's poor spelling or grammar.  The individual
 AH> who made the mistake is obviously mentally retarded and in need of
 AH> help, not flames.  The same applies to the flamer.

 AH> . The Green Golfball Joke.  This discriminates on the basis of colour,
 AH> shape and sport.  It should be the Multi-Coloured Sports-shape joke.

 AH> . Jokes about AIDS.  Just because you can't get AIDS is no reason to
 AH> attack those who can.  Find some other way to become famous.


How about elephant jokes? Aren't elephant jokes the reason why they
stampede?  Therefore, there should be no more jokes about elephants 
hiding in cherry trees, etc..  Just think of the number of elephant 
related deaths that could be eleminated.




... I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.10

 * Origin: Lawson & Reay - Vancouver, WA - (206) 574-8287 (1:105/126)
From: pgh@cs.strath.ac.uk (Pete Hendry)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Red Riding Hood
Date: 14 Sep 92 15:07:53 GMT
Organization: Comp. Sci. Dept., Strathclyde Univ., Glasgow, Scotland.
Originator: pgh@kelvin-01

Little red riding hood is walking through the woods when she comes across
the big bad wolf.

RRH : What big ears you've got
WOLF: Yeh, Yeh, all the better to hear things with

RRH : What big teeth you've got
WOLF: (looking annoyed) I can eat things better, all right!

RRH : What big red eyes you've got
WOLF: Can't you see I'm trying to do a shit. Now piss off!
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers
From: peter@taronga.com (Peter da Silva)
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Organization: Taronga Park BBS
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 02:56:29 GMT

Hibberts Law #14:

	When two technologies are competing for the marketplace,
	the inferior one always succeeds.

-- 
                                                                `-_-'
                         Have you hugged your wolf today?        'U`

Peter da Silva, Taronga Park BBS, Houston, TX  +1 713 568 0480/1032
-- 
Proof: VHS vs Beta, MS-DOS vs anything, ...
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: usenet@inesc.pt (USENET News System)
Subject: Re: American joke (oxymoron)
Reply-To: jota@iguana.UUCP (Joao Pedro Martins)
Organization: INESC - Inst. Eng. Sistemas e Computadores, LISBOA, PORTUGAL.
Date: Mon, 7 Sep 1992 16:55:58 GMT

In article <rdippold.715763288@qualcom> rdippold@qualcom.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold) writes:
>
>>>I dare you to cross post this to soc.culture.usa
>>                                  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>Hah Ha Ha ha, get it! get it!  soc.culture.usa !!!!
>>get it yet!
>>               culture in the US of A, ha ha ha what a joke!!!!
>>This is Hilarious
>
>Actually, the really hilarious thing is that the world demand for
>Coke and Pepsi, McDonalds, Levis, Madonna, etc. is almost bottomless.
>All that culture the US doesn't have makes quite a tidy profit.
>-- 
>If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments

	As with everything, there is good stuff and bad stuff. McDonalds, Madonna, 
	and tons of other things u have there are just plain *SHIT* !
	I mean... look at the religious programs, for instance... I had heard of
	them, but when I first saw it, through a sattelite channel... man, 
	do they really watch this junk ?

	I could go on and start a USA/Europe confrontation on culture, but...
	I dont feel like it.


	
----
 joao Pedro Martins, Lisboa, Portugal - jota@tutor.UUCP
 
 "Carpe Diem, she muttered, and laughed. We seize the day.	
  Well, sometimes, the day seizes back !" (Psychodrome) 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: anton@gagme.chi.il.us (Andrzej Borowiec)
Subject: Re: American Joke
Originator: anton@gagme
Organization: Gagme Public Access UNIX, Chicago, Illinois.
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 21:24:08 GMT

In article <1992Sep2.170609.3176@memstvx1.memst.edu> nealhd@memstvx1.memst.edu writes:
>
>dsew@troi.cc.rochester.edu (David Sewell)
>
>>Q: Why do Americans prefer to make love doggy style?
>>A: So they can both watch the TV.
>
>Just to clarify the record, David does not speak for all 
>Americans, especially this one. I do it SEMI-doggy style.
>I don't lick my genitals when I get through.   :-)
>
>

But you could?

Andrzej

smileys? what smileys? we don't need no stinking smileys!

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bgarfink@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (beth diane garfinkel)
Subject: Oberlin: calling all physics majors
Summary: Please send
Keywords: Christmast carols
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1992 00:34:58 GMT

If there is anyone from Oberlin or at Oberlin reading this, and you have
a copy of the famous Physics Carols on-line, would you please send me
one?  I remember hearing one or two of them and found them hilariously funny,
but I never got around to collecting all of them.  Thank you!

							Beth
-- 
"Hold stick near center of its length.  Moisten pointed end in mouth.
Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion."
From: marx@meltdown.chi.il.us (Marx Xram)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Groucho's list.. till now
Date: 7 Sep 92 14:32:30 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

My favorite Groucho quote: "I wouldn't want to join a club
that would have somebody like me
as a member!"
From: smsst8+@pitt.edu (Steven M Scholnick)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Qauyle Quotes
Date: 11 Sep 92 20:31:14 GMT
Organization: University of Pittsburgh

If anyone has a copy of the Quayle Quotes online, could you please send it to
me.  Thanx in advance....
__________________________________________________________________________
|                             |                                          |
| Steve Scholnick             |  I don't believe in Destiny              |
| steves@vms.cis.pitt.edu     |  or the guiding hand of fate             |
| steves@theory.chem.pitt.edu |  I don't believe in the stars or planets |
|                             |  or angels watching from above           |
|                             |                      - N. Peart          |
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ramakris@csgrad.cs.vt.edu (S.Ramakrishnan)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Humor
Date: 6 Sep 92 23:56:21 GMT
Organization: VPI&SU Computer Science Department, Blacksburg, VA

In article <1992Sep3.131252.1@cc.curtin.edu.au> smackinl01@cc.curtin.edu.au writes:
  >>   How come this is called 'rec.humor'?
  >A: Because Americans can't spell `humour'.

No, that's just a rumour.

  >Simon.

--
S Ramakrishnan, CS Dept, McBryde Hall, VaTech
From: loon@underdog.ee.wits.ac.za (LOON M J)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Quote by Woody Allen
Date: 11 Sep 92 12:20:49 GMT
Organization: Wits Electrical Engineering (Undergrads).


>My brain: it's my second favourite organ.
>  - Woody Allen

How about:

I had a troubled childhood - I was breastfed from falsies.


--
Marc Loon <loon@underdog.ee.wits.ac.za>
Student No: 8807871/X
Elec Eng. University of the Witwatersrand
Johannesburg

Conversation: a voice competition between two people
in which the one taking a breath is called the listener.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ss1@kepler.unh.edu (The Rink)
Subject: Who mailed me regarding signatures?   (Objokes included)
Organization: Turkey Hall
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 03:40:46 GMT

Somebody mailed me about signatures and smiley collections -- well, I
couldn't get through to you -- sorry....

--

ObJokes:

There are a lot of lies floating around...and half of them are true.
					(Winston Churchill)


There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is
attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is
attracted to dark objects.


There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make
it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to
make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
	(Charles Anthony Richard Hoare)


There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or
you alter your meeting them.
	(Phyllis Bottome)


There are two ways to get rich: You can make more or require less.


There await men after they are dead things which they do not expect or
imagine.
	(Heraclitus)


There can be no public or private virtue unless the foundation of action is
the practice of truth.
	(George Jacob Holyoake)


There has been an alarming increase in the number of things
you know nothing about.
-- 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                              The Rink                              |
----------------------------------------------------------------------
 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves:
   it is the gift of God:  Not of works, lest any man should boast.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
|                          Ephesians  2:8-9                          |
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: sutting@cc.curtin.edu.au
Subject: Big nose jokes wanted
Organization: Curtin University of Technology
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 09:25:52 GMT

Ive got a friend with a big nose so I need some big nose jokes to piss her off
Like the jokes from the movie "Roxanne"
"Is that a nose or did a bus park on your face"
etc.
You get the picture so post some up for me.

Meanwhile I'll leave you with some Born Loser type sayings from a guy who can't
ever complete a course;

I took a course in self-confidence, but I wasn't good enough.
I took a course in motivation, but I couldn't give a stuff.
I took a course in philosophy, but, I mean, whats the point?
I took a course in ... um ... I think it was memory techniques??
I took a course in notetaking, but I can't recall much of it.
I took a course in exam techniques, but I failed.
I took a course in long term goals, but I didn't get anything out of it.
I took a course in mime,                             .
I toook a corse in spyellling.
I took a course in stress management, but I COULDN'T HANDLE IT MAN?!?
I took a course in relaxation, but I fell asleep.
I took a course in self-esteem, but they told me I was a useless piece of sh*t.
I took a course in long-distance running, but it didn't go far.
I took a course in over-reaction, and I got this incredibly MASSIVE like so BIG 
        you wouldn't believe men diploma.

I took a course in art. (HA HA HA)

joel "THE ANARMAL" utting

"I am not an American, I am a human being"
From: 10u6070@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: American joke (oxymoron)
Date: 12 Sep 92 01:04:25 +1000
Summary: Americans suxk
Organization: University of New South Wales

In article <1992Aug31.145217.202595@uctvax.uct.ac.za>, rybicki@uctvax.uct.ac.za writes:
> So, chaps - enough of the Polish jokes already!  8-|
> 
> Here a sampling of some American jokes (from one who has lived there, milked
> the system, and escaped, sane).
> 
> - their political system: who else would totally paralyse their decision-making
> 	bodies for AT LEAST a quarter of the term of each President?
> 
> - their TV: old-fashioned in technology, lousy in definition, and APALLING
> 	in terms of programming (though the Simpsons and the Sinclairs have
> 	their moments...second thoughts, ALL programming).
> 
> - their houses: big bad Andrew went huff, and puff, and all the houses fell
> 	down...try bricks next time, guys!
> 
> - their education system: you have to teach your kids to read at home, so they
> 	can go to school to play!
> 
> - their cars: only good ones are designed in Japan or Europe,
> 	then assembled (badly) in the US.
> 
> - their culture: seriously, a nation that treats large men who are intimately
> 	acquainted with sweat and blood as well as the Yanks do, could give
> 	ancient Rome some pointers.
> 
> - their sense of sportsmanship: the "Dream Team" - a dream of amateurism?
> 	Of fair play?  Of humility?  Or of more money....?
> 
> - their beer: much as British beer was once described as warm urine with
> 	bubbles, so US beer could be described as cold urine with bubbles.
> 	Only the Mexicans and Canadians have any idea.
> 
> - their food: best take-out in the world - if you like take-out....  Most
> 	popular food in the US: Italian and Mexican and Chinese.  Tells
> 	you something, that.
> 
> Enjoy.  8-)  I did.
> 
>  _________________________________________________________________________
> |                                 |                                       |
> |  Ed Rybicki                     |    Now you've got the hang of it      |
> |  Dept Microbiology              | There's nothing you can't do with it  |
> |  University of Cape Town        |         If you're very into it        |
> |  PB Rondebosch 7700             |         You can't go wrong....        |
> |  South Africa                   |                                       |
> |  fax 27 21 650 4023             |              - Mad John               |
> |  ed@micro.uct.ac.za             | (Ogden's Nut-Gone Flake, Small Faces) |
> |_________________________________|_______________________________________|






Someone keep criticising the Americans - they get so funny when they get
patriotic.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com (Larry Gilmore)
Subject: Re: A Religious View of Life
Followup-To: /dev/null
Organization: TRW Systems Engineering & Development Division, Carson, CA
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 16:33:36 GMT

In article <1992Sep10.023740.24799@afit.af.mil> jholtgra@afit.af.mil (Jeremy C. Holtgrave) writes:
>In article <1992Sep3.212222.4492@newstand.syr.edu> mary@erc.cat.syr.edu (Mary Papp) writes:
>>I don't know if this has been posted before, but this is really funny
>	      ^^ ^^^^ ^^^ ^^^^ ^^^^^^ ^^^^^^
>>so I think it is)...
>>
>>
>>
>>                A RELIGOUS VIEW OF LIFE
>> 
>>Taoism: Shit Happens.
>>
>>Confucianism: Confucius Say, "Shit Happens."
>>
>[a bunch of deleted shit]
>
>No, I've never seen this list before!  It's NEVER been posted here!
>
Well, it's an unfortunate natural law: all the kiddies are back in school
(a lot of them, anyway), so we may as well just grit our teeth and be ready
for the annual onslaught of tired old postings from rec.humor from the frosh
around the nation who have never seen them and want to share their marvelous
new discovery.  One would think that it might occur to them that since the
net and rec.humor existed long before any of them knew what a keyboard was
that much of what they see has been seen before.  But it won't occur.
It never has, and it never will.

>=====================jholtgra@scgraph.afit.af.mil==============================
>Jeremy Holtgrave                          "Besides, we have more guns and bombs
>Air Force Institute of Technology          than you."
>Wright-Patterson AFB, Ohio
>===============================================================================


-- 
Larry A. Gilmore             Internet: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com
TRW SEDD, DH1/2849
P.O. Box 6213                Phone:    (310)764-3318
Carson, CA 90746             Fax:      (310)764-3946