From: st1ns@elroy.uh.edu (Ault, Russell W.)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: California is NOT representative of the US as a whole
Date: 2 Jan 1993 15:27 CST
Organization: University of Houston
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: elroy.uh.edu
Keywords: language
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    

In article <i3558.725901920@newsie>, i3558@newsie.dc.dk (Soren Michael Roug) writes...
>I seems to me that this discussion is mostly, if not completely carried
>out by americans. My advice to you is that if you want to improve your
>english language then learn the King's english, not those barbarian dialects
>the yanks choose to utter. It is my understanding that the yanks find a
>properly spoken UK accent "cute". Well, I won't call myself an expert, but
>I have been to USA several times, and some of those wordings one get to
>hear notably in California make my toes curl. And behold; In some restaurants
>they don't give people utensils to eat with.
>-- 

Only a Californian would call California a part of the civilised world.  The 
rest of us know that not everything "edible" is palatable, and that inventing 
a new (and illogical) usage for an existing word or phrase (or an equally 
illogical construction for an existing usage) is neither a profitable activity
nor one which is likely to increase the degree to which one is making himself
understood.  I dread the prospect of having to visit California.  For all 
their slurred and slang-infested modes of speech, I prefer talking to someone
from southern Louisiana than a vacuocephalic Californian.  (I sometimes wonder,
though, if that designation is not redundant?)

The worst part of the situation is that the disease (Californitis?) seems to
be spreading.  It has even shown up in such isolated places as Cut & Shoot, 
Texas (a real place, just north of Houston), much to the dismay of many.  If
it continues, I may have to establish a new detoxification program to deal
with the afflicted, something along the lines of a Californiacs Anonymous,
with classes in Getting On With It, Differentiating Between Gratuitous
Criticism and Actual Insult, and Eating Without Analysis.  I welcome any
suggestions for additional items to add to the curriculum, and there is 
some urgency involved since there is a small danger that I may have to move
to California this year.  Fortunately, I've already been immunized.  And
even more important, I have discovered that there are still enclaves of the
unafflicted even in the L.A. basin, although they often adopt the outward
appearance of the multitudes as protective coloration.  

Sadly, I doubt that I will be able to pass as a Californian myself at any
time in the near future.  I refuse to wear clothes that do not fit properly,
I don't wear footwear that is designed to be used without socks, I loathe
beaches, I keep my skin untanned and my hair unbleached, and my voice is 
at least two octaves too low.  

I guess I'll just have to get my groceries in Nevada.


  My wife went to Harvard and all I got was this lousy .sig!
      Russ Ault, aka st1ns@jetson.uh.edu 
      (For the moment, anyway.  I reserve the right to
       polymorph myself into something more formidable.)




Newsgroups: rec.humor