From: gmw1@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Gabe M Wiener)
Newsgroups: alt.usage.english
Subject: Re: Coke brings back ancestors ...
Date: 14 Aug 92 19:04:58 GMT
Reply-To: gmw1@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Gabe M Wiener)
Organization: Columbia University

Now that the mangled translation thread is here again, it seems like it's
time for the famous list:  hit "n" now if you've seen it.


--cut here--

                              < Signs of our times >

        In a Tokyo Hotel:  Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.  If
        you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

        In another Japanese hotel room:  Please to bathe inside the tub.

        In a Bucharest hotel lobby:  The lift is being fixed for the next
        day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

        In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only
        when lit up.

        In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for
        wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one
        should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going
        alphabetically by national order.

        In a Paris hotel elevator:  Please leave your values at the front
        desk.

        In a hotel in Athens:  Visitors are expected to complain at the
        office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

        In a Yugoslavian hotel:  The flattening of underwear with pleasure
        is the job of the chambermaid.

        In a Japanese hotel:  You are invited to take advantage of the
        chambermaid.

        In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
        monastary:  You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian
        and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
        Thursday.

        In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the
        corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

        On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:  Our wines leave you nothing
        to hope for.

        On the menu of a Polish hotel:  Salad a firm's own make; limpid
        red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted
        duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

        In a Hong Kong supermarket:  For your convenience, we recommend
        courageous, efficient self-service.

        Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:  Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

        In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:  Drop your trousers here for best results.

        Outside a Paris dress shop:  Dresses for street walking.

        In a Rhodes tailor shop:  Order your summers suit.  Because is big
        rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

        Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:  There will be a Moscow Exhibition
        of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors.  These
        were executed over the past two years.

        In an East African newspaper:  A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
        shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

        In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
        porter.

        A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:  It is strictly forbidden
        on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for
        instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are
        married with each other for that purpose.

        In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests
        of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
        be used for this purpose.

        In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:  Teeth extrcted by the
        latest Methodists.

        A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:  A lot of water
        has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

        In a Rome laundry:  Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
        afternoon having a good time.

        In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:  Take one of our horse-driven
        city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

        Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:  Would you like to ride
        on your own ass?

        On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:  To stop the drip, turn cock
        to right.

        In the window of a Swedish furrier:  Fur coats made for ladies from
        their own skin.

        On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:  Guaranteed to
        work throughout its useful life.

        Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.

        In a Swiss mountain inn:  Special today -- no ice cream.

        In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner
        if dressed as a man.

        In a Tokyo bar:  Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

        In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:  We take your bags and send
        them in all directions.

        On the door of a Moscow hotel room:  If this is your first visit
        to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

        In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:  Ladies are requested not to have
        children in the bar.

        At a Budapest zoo:  Please do not feed the animals.  If you have
        any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

        In the office of a Roman doctor:  Specialist in women and other
        diseases.

        In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the
        water served here.

        In a Tokyo shop:  Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find
        they are best in the long run.

        From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
        conditioner:  Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm
        in your room, please control yourself.

        From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:  When passenger of
        foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at
        first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with
        vigor.

        Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
                - English well talking.
                - Here speeching American.

	In a Spanish youth hostel:  Please do not do your laundry, on the
	blocks you will be resected.

	In a French chalet:  In case of fire, please ejaculate the
	premises.



--
Gabe Wiener - Columbia Univ.     "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings 
gmw1@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu       to be seriously considered as a means of 
N2GPZ in ham radio circles        communication. The device is inherently of
72355,1226 on CI$                 no value to us." -Western Union memo, 1877