From: mar@physics.su.OZ.AU (David Mar)
Subject: Stumpy visits Aus
Organization: School of Physics, University of Sydney, Australia
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 07:47:04 GMT

Once upon a time... (all the best stories start with that) ...Stumpy got a 
little richer than he was used to and decided to go to Sydney. The reasons 
for this were twofold: He had a cousin in a choir that was touring there, 
and a few other friends in the choir that he had met when they passed 
through Auckland; He also wanted to meet Callhans' own Danger Mouse and 
Shonias.

Unfortunately the people who issue passports in New Zealand won't do them 
in a hurry unless someone has died, and being the honest-to-a-fault-type 
person he is, Stumpy couldn't bring himself to tell them that someone had 
(died that is). Stumpy missed the choir. The trip was put on hold for a 
couple of weeks, but was still to happen.

September 2

The trip to Auckland from Hamilton (about 100km) was relatively uneventful...
excpet for stopping at the top of the Bombay hills to have our radiator
explode (nothing serious). [DM comment: you stopped for the purpose of
having your radiator explode???] Arriving at the airport we discovered that
my 12.50 flight had been delayed until 2.30pm (or so we were told). No
problem, they even gave us $15 worth of free food to tide us over until the
plane was ready. (New Zealand telephone operators will no longer allow you
to transfer charges to a number unless there is someone at that number to
accept the charges... this can be a problem when you are only carrying a
voucher for $15 in food and a pile of $Australian and need to make a call
to Sydney using a payphone.)

After lunch I went to get a phonecard (mum had some NZ$) and call DM and/or
Shonias to warn them that I'd be in an hour and a half late... before I got
through I discovered that the flight had now been delayed until 4.15pm.
I called DM's place... nobody home. I called Shonias' place... her sister
was there... could she tell Ariane that I'd been delayed, I'd now be in at 
about 5.30pm Sydney time... she could.

Many hours pass. I am glad that I thought to bring two books for this trip.
The plane arrives... finally. Proceed to departure lounge, via security...
no problem. 4.30pm: Why haven't we boarded the plane yet? ~Apologies for 
the delay, they're just loading food onto the plane now, we hope to start
boarding at 5.15pm.~ Another hour!!!

5.45pm: Begin boarding. 6.17pm (according to my mother) we finally got off
the ground... 5hrs 27min late.

The Official Story: Thai Airways contract Qantas to do their catering in
Sydney. Qantas Catering are striking in Sydney, so the plane has to be loaded
double at Bangkok and Auckland. For some reason this takes something like
2 1/2 hrs at each end.

Land at Sydney... many formalities... exit customs... for a dreadful minute
I think that DM and Shonias have given up and gone home... but no... who are
these people holding up a big fluoro yellow sign saying:

    Whoever You Are Meeting...
        IT'S *NOT* US!
      (Aren't You Glad?)

Had to be Callahans People!

Okay, okay (DM here now - I've commandeered my own computer), so we would
have had _two_ big fluoro signs, but Shonias didn't want to hold up the one
saying:

    We are *not* from the CIA.
 (Callahans Inebriation Agency)

Can't imagine why.

Anyway, from our end it happened like this: call airport at 10:30 confirm
the plane is on time. Okay, so go to airport for 2:10. Wait until 4pm when
we discover that the plane ain't landing until 7:45. Shonias decides to
call her fiance and arrange dinner for the three of us in the meantime. We
meet near the university and head to a restaurant... what sort? Thai food!

After eating and returning to the airport, we were finally rewarded with a
landed plane. Stumpy was located and we drove him back to my place, where
he is currently occupying the spare room.

(Stumpy again) For all his saying it's a dingy flat, DM's place is quite nice
for a student flat. Sleep.

Thursday 3rd.

Into town, today is to be tourist trap day, Shonias is busy so it's just me
and DM today. First the Opera House, and shots of the Harbour Bridge. We 
consider a tour... to be too expensive and explore a little. It's amazing 
what you can see of a place when you look at what you can see and not just 
what they lay on for the tourists. We saw "The Guts of the Place" naked 
sprinklers and all.

Next the Botanical Gardens... I think the succulent Garden there is the
closest I'll get to the Australian Desert, on this trip at least. Next
Parliament House, with the portrait of the Queen and the new decor which is
exactly the same as the old decor... the original old decor that is. We left
our mark there... I enquired in the visitors' book as to the usefulness of
a mace if noone is ever smote with it (I would say smitten, but I don't 
think the mace is quite that attractive). DM signed his name to it too, and 
added a hearty "Long Live Callahans".

Then the monorail to Darling Harbour, only the second time DM has ridden the
thing... of course he's still one ahead of me! Darling Harbour is a tourist
trap. I got trapped. I bought a boomerang, guaranteed to come back... for my
young cousins in England... honest!

After lunch (I come to Australia for the first time and what do I have for
lunch? A combination of Mexican and Chinese!) we headed for Centrepoint and 
the Sydney Tower, pausing for a photo of a certain young lady, who shall 
remain nameless (because we didn't get her name), frolicking in the fountain.
DM would rather I didn't mention the sculptures. :)

Sydney Tower offers wonderful views of all the things we'd seen in the morning.
It was populated with school excursions and with the Te Atatu North Maori
Culture Group, people from home! (I just had a horrible impression of how 
you people are going to pronounce *that* place name).

We encountered two young women on the way down in the lift (we were on top).
Their interest in us was heightened by the TV cameras. The cameras link the 
two cars of the double-decker lift. I think Sydney should be known as the 
double-decker city. They have double-decker trains, double-decker coaches, 
double-decker lifts, I even came in on a double-decker plane!

On to a bookstore, where DM bought the latest in New Zealand comic books. A
couple of record stores where I bought Mozart, Beethoven and the Monkees, and
DM bought Les Miserables (Complete Symphonic version, on sale).

Then we went hunting games... specifically Lace and Steel (Australian, out of
print, impossible to find, even here), and any GURPS books I could lay my
hands on at a price significantly lower than at home. No luck, however I did
manage to get copies of the first two Callahans novels FINALLY!

We head for the Queen Victoria Building which has telephones (Shonias is still
slaving away, poor soul) and see the mechanical clock, holograms, and the 
cartoon store, where DM bought the Daffy Duck collection and the Bugs Bunny
collection on video.

Dinner (Lebanese - go figure) and a visit to a friend of DM's in an
electronics store, whose sales pitch seemed to be along the lines of "It's 
cheap so there must be something wrong with it" at least where I was
concerned. Abbey's bookstore, where DM bought the latest (and last) Tintin
book, to keep his collection complete. Finally we head home... to watch 
Daffy!

DM here again. Honestly, I don't normally buy so much stuff in one day! I
just don't often get to go into the city and investigate the shops. And now,
I think it's time for sleep (almost 1am). We are going to the zoo tomorrow
(today? nah, it's still tomorrow until after getting some sleep (sleep? who
needs sleep!)).

It's tommorow... It's also Stumpy here again. We went to the zoo. While we
were waiting for the ferry I had the difference between the Kiwi and Aussie
accents brought home to me in the attempt to buy a box of milk. I asked
three times for a box of 'milk' only to be met by a puzzled stare. I finally
thought to ask for 'meelk' and found success on the first try. The ferry
across the harbour from the city to Taronga Zoo offers some great views of
the Opera House, Harbour Bridge and Centrepoint Tower. The zoo is located on
the side of the hill, so the best way to see it is to go to the top in the
cable-car (which offers good views obscured by trees) and then zig-zag down
the hill to the bottom gate. I shot my way through most of a 36 shot roll of
film... most of it on things I probably could have seen at home, but then
that's what a holiday's for, right? I think the best shot I got from the zoo
was across the harbour taking in the Big Three sights of Sydney in one 35mm
lens-full.

Three things I've particularly noticed since I arrived. 1) Sydney is tall.
the buildings are all very tall and close together, so you feel like you're
walking through an immense canyon in the city. 2) Sydney is like one big
building site. Just about everything seems to be under construction, 
renovation, re-construction or destruction. 3) Australians are very dense
-ly packed into their suburbs. No such thing as the Kiwi Quarter Acre here.

Hang on, hang on... (DM here) That's the Aussie Quarter Acre, I'll have you
know! And lots of people _do_ have them, just not in the inner city.

But Stumpy forgot to mention the US tourists we met in the zoo. We ran into
them at the top gate and kept finding them again at various exhibits as we
traversed the zoo. A few words exchanged with the cuter two (and, where
necessary, their parents) ensured some pleasant smiles and did much good
for Aus tourism. :-)  As I predicted, they reached the koala enclosure
before us, and didn't leave until after we did.

Saturday, 5th September.

DM still here. We are at Sydney Uni today. Stumpy picked a great time to
visit, since this weekend is the once-every-four-years Open Day at the uni.
So he is now currently out and about, exploring the place, while I stay
here at the computers slaving away (as you can see - no, honestly, I did
have some important work to be done today, now completed).

Tonight we are going to help a chap celebrate his birthday... at the Old
Saigon Thai Restaurant! Stumpy is fit to be Thai'd!  :-)

Thai'd?!?! I'm having a fit over that stinker! Today I went exploring the 
University and surrounding suburb. I went looking for the philosophy depart-
ment (had to check out the local version of my home dept.) only to discover
that the philosophy department is one of the least active at the open day at
least. Disappointed, I went exploring Redfern... found the best and largest
market I've ever seen, and bought myself probably the cheapest T-shirt I've
ever bought.

- Danger Mouse (and Stumpy)
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