From: noraa@cbnewsk.cb.att.com (aaron.l.hoffmeyer)
Subject: Anger (was Re: Joint Custody (was Re: When the father is out of a job.))
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 00:45:03 GMT

Alan wrote:
>Tell you what, here I will offer and append a document I wrote (in
>nroff/troff format) that summarizes my learning on this subject.
>Perhaps most readers will ignore it, or read it but not internalize it,
>or even remember it but not actually practice it -- but maybe it will
>make a difference to a few, as it has to me.  Give it a try.  You have
>nothing to lose.  Good luck.

For all you folks out there that do NOT have nroff/troff support, I
offer the following two other versions of Alan's anger document.  First
is the nroff output of the file, then after it is the Postscript version
of the troff output.  If you have a Postscript printer, you can send the
raw postscript file to it and it will print it out with all the
formatting intact.

Aaron L. Hoffmeyer
TR@CBNEA.ATT.COM 

### NROFF|COL -B (ASCII) OUTPUT VERSION
>----------------------------< CUT HERE >---------------------------<


		     Anger:  Roots and Coping Methods
		       Summary by Alan Silverstein
	  from Fisher Divorce and Exploring Singleness Seminars
			  Printed April	16, 1992


       Root Causes of Anger

	  o hurt (past)
	  o frustration	(present)
	  o fear (future; something of value feeling threatened)
	  o inadequacy (about own identity)

       Anger is	a natural, automatic response.
       Anger is	like an	energy charge in a battery.

       Methods of Dealing with Anger (from least to most healthy)

	 1.  Vent it back at the source

		o This is simple, honest, and direct.
		o But if you do	it immediately,	it escalates the
		  situation.
		o And if you delay it, you become sour and grudge-
		  holding.
		o Either way, it alienates others by hurting or
		  frightening them.
		o There	is evidence that quick anger, not stress in
		  general, is the true cause of	``Type A'' heart
		  problems.

	 2.  Stuff it inside
		o Stuffing it makes you	a ``nice'' person, but not
		  a happy person.
		o Are you conditioned to feel that expressing
		  anger, or even just feeling anger, is	wrong, even
		  sinful?
		o If you don't deal with it, it	will deal with you.
		o Anger	turned inwards produces	depression.

	 3.  Do	anger exercises

	     Express the anger in a harmless, neutral manner.
		o Take responsibility for your anger; own and
		  control it.
		o Do something physical	to express it; best if it's
		  intense, even	tiring.
		o Choose an appropriate, private time and space.
		o Vent the energy harmlessly; hurt no one, nor
		  anything of value to anyone.
		o Give yourself	permission, or make a suggestion to
		  yourself, whichever works better for you.
		o Suspend your disbelief.  Symbolism is	powerful to
		  your unconscious mind, even if your rational part
		  finds	it silly.











		o Accept your anger, express it, and forgive the
		  other	person.
		o Often	almost magical;	cathartic, and followed	by
		  euphoria.
		o Gets easier with practice; can be done quickly.

	 4.  Put the anger to constructive uses
	     Like anger	exercises, but look for	creative ways to
	     put the energy to constructive uses.

	 5.  Become a person less sensitive to the roots of anger

		o Hardest method, but most rewarding in	the long
		  term.
		o Make choices,	not demands; they give others power
		  over you.
		o Have preferences, not	expectations; so you are
		  less vulnerable to unforeseen	circumstances.
		o Choose to interpret facts and	situations in a
		  positive manner; this	leads to better	feelings.
		o Empathize with others.  Don't	assume
		  maliciousness	or stupidity when a different map
		  of the world suffices.  Every	behavior has a
		  positive intent, sometimes unconscious, in the
		  other	person's map of	the world.
		o You will still have anger sometimes.	It's an
		  unavoidable, OK part of being	human.	Vent it
		  with anger exercises.




































>----------------------------< CUT HERE >---------------------------<
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18 B f
( and Coping Methods)3 1658(Anger: Roots)1 1067 2 1517 500 t
10 R f
(Summary by Alan Silverstein)3 1186 1 2287 680 t
(from Fisher Divorce and Exploring Singleness Seminars)6 2259 1 1750 800 t
(Printed April 16, 1992)3 900 1 2430 920 t
14 B f
(Root Causes of Anger)3 1302 1 720 1160 t
8 S f
(\267)783 1400 w
10 B f
(hurt)870 1400 w
10 R f
(\(past\))1084 1400 w
8 S f
(\267)783 1520 w
10 B f
(frustration)870 1520 w
10 R f
(\(present\))1361 1520 w
8 S f
(\267)783 1640 w
10 B f
(fear)870 1640 w
10 R f
(\(future; something of value feeling threatened\))5 1865 1 1066 1640 t
8 S f
(\267)783 1760 w
10 B f
(inadequacy)870 1760 w
10 R f
(\(about own identity\))2 816 1 1385 1760 t
10 I f
(Anger is a natural, automatic response)5 1561 1 720 1940 t
10 R f
(.)2289 1940 w
10 I f
(Anger is like an energy charge in a battery)8 1714 1 720 2060 t
10 R f
(.)2442 2060 w
14 B f
(Methods of Dealing with Anger \(from least to most healthy\))9 3552 1 720 2300 t
10 R f
(1.)795 2480 w
12 B f
(Vent it back at the source)5 1310 1 970 2480 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 2660 w
10 R f
(This is simple, honest, and direct.)5 1344 1 1120 2660 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 2780 w
10 R f
(But if you do it immediately, it escalates the situation.)9 2164 1 1120 2780 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 2900 w
10 R f
(And if you delay it, you become sour and grudge-holding.)9 2322 1 1120 2900 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 3020 w
10 R f
(Either way, it alienates others by hurting or frightening them.)9 2450 1 1120 3020 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 3140 w
10 R f
( heart)1 238(There is evidence that quick anger, not stress in general, is the true cause of ``Type A'')16 3682 2 1120 3140 t
(problems.)1120 3260 w
(2.)795 3440 w
12 B f
(Stuff it inside)2 690 1 970 3440 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 3620 w
10 R f
(Stuf\256ng it makes you a ``nice'' person, but not a happy person.)11 2527 1 1120 3620 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 3740 w
10 R f
( expressing anger, or even just feeling anger, is wrong, even)10 2567(Are you conditioned to feel that)5 1353 2 1120 3740 t
(sinful?)1120 3860 w
8 S f
(\267)1033 3980 w
10 I f
(If you don't deal with it, it will deal with you)10 1788 1 1120 3980 t
10 R f
(.)2916 3980 w
8 S f
(\267)1033 4100 w
10 I f
(Anger turned inwards produces depression)4 1727 1 1120 4100 t
10 R f
(.)2855 4100 w
(3.)795 4280 w
12 B f
(Do anger exercises)2 952 1 970 4280 t
10 R f
(Express the anger in a)4 881 1 970 4460 t
10 I f
(harmless, neutral manner)2 1030 1 1876 4460 t
10 R f
(.)2914 4460 w
8 S f
(\267)1033 4580 w
10 I f
(Take responsibility for your anger)4 1372 1 1120 4580 t
10 R f
(; own and control it.)4 808 1 2500 4580 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 4700 w
10 I f
(Do something physical to express it)5 1424 1 1120 4700 t
10 R f
(; best if it's intense, even tiring.)6 1266 1 2552 4700 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 4820 w
10 R f
(Choose an appropriate, private time and space.)6 1868 1 1120 4820 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 4940 w
10 R f
(Vent the energy harmlessly;)3 1123 1 1120 4940 t
10 I f
(hurt no one, nor anything of value to anyone)8 1785 1 2268 4940 t
10 R f
(.)4061 4940 w
8 S f
(\267)1033 5060 w
10 R f
(Give yourself permission, or make a suggestion to yourself, whichever works better for you.)13 3688 1 1120 5060 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 5180 w
10 R f
( your unconscious mind, even if your rational)7 1862( is powerful to)3 595( Symbolism)1 512(Suspend your disbelief.)2 951 4 1120 5180 t
(part \256nds it silly.)3 679 1 1120 5300 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 5420 w
10 I f
(Accept)1120 5420 w
10 R f
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10 I f
(express)1895 5420 w
10 R f
(it, and)1 250 1 2219 5420 t
10 I f
(forgive)2494 5420 w
10 R f
(the other person.)2 668 1 2802 5420 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 5540 w
10 R f
(Often almost magical; cathartic, and followed by euphoria.)7 2354 1 1120 5540 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 5660 w
10 R f
(Gets easier with practice; can be done quickly.)7 1862 1 1120 5660 t
(4.)795 5840 w
12 B f
(Put the anger to constructive uses)5 1724 1 970 5840 t
10 R f
(Like anger exercises, but look for creative ways to put the energy to constructive uses.)14 3448 1 970 6020 t
(5.)795 6200 w
12 B f
(Become a person less sensitive to the roots of anger)9 2605 1 970 6200 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 6380 w
10 R f
(Hardest method, but most rewarding in the long term.)8 2148 1 1120 6380 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 6500 w
10 I f
(Make choices, not demands)3 1103 1 1120 6500 t
10 R f
(; they give others power over you.)6 1367 1 2231 6500 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 6620 w
10 I f
(Have preferences, not expectations)3 1402 1 1120 6620 t
10 R f
(; so you are less vulnerable to unforeseen circumstances.)8 2264 1 2530 6620 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 6740 w
10 I f
(Choose to interpret facts and situations in a positive manner)9 2426 1 1120 6740 t
10 R f
(; this leads to better feelings.)5 1149 1 3554 6740 t
8 S f
(\267)1033 6860 w
10 R f
( assume maliciousness)2 933( Don't)1 297(Empathize with others.)2 952 3 1120 6860 t
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10 R f
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9 R f
(OK)3490 7220 w
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( it with)2 294( Vent)1 249(part of being human.)3 847 3 3650 7220 t
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