From: p00139@psilink.com (Raistlin Majere)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Help! What should I do? (Very long)
Date: 7 Oct 92 02:18:22 GMT
Organization: Tower of High Sorcery - Palanthas
X-Mailer: PSILink (3.2)

>DATE:   6 Oct 92 15:43:00 GMT
>FROM:   POE <v119qkv2@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu>
>
>	I have a problem.  I really have nowhere else to turn, so I'm seeking 
>the advice of total strangers here on the net.  Here's the situation...

	We're here to help, Mike....

>	I'm interested in a girl.  She and I are good friends.  She has a boy-
>friend.  He and I are friends.  Not "best" friends, but friends nonetheless.
>He and She have been going out for over a year.  However, they have been having
>relationship problems for quite some time.  It seems they have a little spat at
>least once a week.  Both have threatened to "breakup" many, many times, but yet
>they're still together.
>	Everyone following this, :-)?

	....I think the story might carry the ring of familiarity with
	some...........
>
	<Lots of story deleted for brevity>
>been "experimenting" for about a month now.  She does not know this, and if
>She did, She would not be happy (to say the least).

	....to say the least.....

>	Also, all the "romance" seems to have drifted from their relationship.
>They seem to be just going through the motions.  She has mentioned to me that
>She really does not want to breakup with Him, no matter the reason, just 
>because they have been going out for so long.

	Ah yes, the ol' "habit" thing............

>  He seems to take her for granted.

	Stop, man, you're killin' me!!!
	<Insert "Malevolent, Mocking, Satanic, Laughter"[tm] Here>

>They rarely go out alone together (one of the reasons I have been spending so
>much time with her).  No flowers, no candy, no romantic walks, etc..  Many
>nights I have taken Her home, while He stays out and parties with the boys.
>	Still following, :-)?

		....so far, so good.....

>  OK, now Her relationship with me.  Over the
>past few months, we have gotten really close.  Whether or not this is a direct
>result of their problems, I do not know.  The time we spend together is mostly
>done at bars and parties, but when at a bar/party, we usually spend the entire
>evening together.  We go out or talk on the phone together at least twice a 
>week.  These conversations usually center around Her problems with Him.  Also,
>She has stated (perhaps in anger or jest, but nonetheless) that She hates all
>men with the exception of me.

	Very familiar. 

	Clue:

		Stay out of the way. You're going to get hurt.

	But I'll save the rest for below....let's continue, shall we?....

>	There is also the matter of the other people involved in this mess.  He
>is well-liked by Her family.  She is well-liked by His family.  I'm well-liked
>by Her family.  The three of us, for the most part, have the same friends.
>So, if I were to "make a play", things could get really messy.

	....to say the least.....

>	Damn, this is getting long.  Anyway, to give you some more to think
>about (that is if you are still reading this), to compare His and my "looks",
>I'd have to say that he is better lookin on the simple principle that She is
>with Him and not me.  I'm not even going to try to figure out what a woman
>finds attractive in a guy.

	At the risk of blowing my whole misogynistic mystique, I have
	to say that you aren't giving her any credit - and you are 
	selling yourself short. People aren't as shallow as that.

	(WHAT AM I SAYIN'!!?? IS THIS REALLY *ME* TALKIN'??!!??)

	I sincerely doubt she is with him because he is "better looking".
	I would venture that it is more because "old habits die hard",
	and she is comfortable with him. You are also not taking into
	account the "lost puppy" syndrome of 90% of the female gender.
	(AH! That sounds more like the ol' *me*)

	He ignores her. This is the key. He also seems to be kind of
	a "bad boy" - this makes him doubly irresistable(sp). She 
	is trying to make the "bad boy/lost puppy" love her. The more
	he ignores her, and the worse he treats her - the more she'll 
	cling to him. Take my word on this one - if you get mixed up
	in this (any more than you *already* are) you are setting yourself
	up for one big *OUCH*.
	
	You're not done, yet, though, so let's continue....

>  However, for the record, I'm not some freak-of-
>nature.  I guess you could say I'm an ordinary average guy.  She, on the other
>hand, is drop-dead beautiful.  This is not just my opinion.  My friends and
>total strangers have all confirmed this to be fact.  Also, She's 18.  I'm 21.
>He's 19.  The age difference may be a hangup for Her.  

	Doubtful. The age difference is hardly that vast.

>	Now this is where you come in.  What do I do?  Should I forget about 
>Her and go on with my life?  Should I just convince Her to call it off, and
>then wait and see if something develops between us?  Should I let nature take
>it's course, and see if they break up on their own?  Should I throw all my 
>cards out on table, tell Her how I feel about Her and tell Her she would be
>better off with me than Him?  Any other suggestions?  Are you now as confused
>as I am?  Please give me some feedback on this either on the board or via email.
>Thank you for your time.

	Don't think with your dick. Best advice I can give you.

	Trust me. You might get to the point where she will go out
	with you - but odds are (Oh please little "Lotto" wizard,
	I bought three thousand tickets!) she will dump you at some
	point and go running straight back to....<wait for it!>...HIM.

	Do you value her as a friend? If you do, leave it alone. Let
	her work it out for herself, but *stay* out of it. At 18, she
	is an emotional see-saw and you won't get anything out of this
	but complete, abject misery. I've been this route and I speak
	from experience. You will just end up losing both of them as
	friends and suffer the final ignominy of seeing her back with
	him.

	"Misery on two legs" - 'nuff said.

	Just some small impartation of advice and wisdom from your
	ol' Uncle Raist.......

>
>					Totally confused,

				Get used to it...........
>						Mike Poe
*****************************************************************************
		"Women are often thought to be profound.
	 	 Why? Because they are percieved to have great
		 depth - Women aren't even shallow!....."
				 	- Freiderich Nietzsche
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	      Raistlin Majere @ Tower of High Sorcery - Palanthas
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