From: orc@vpnet.chi.il.us (david parsons)
Subject: Re: Bisexual idenity and community (was Re: A hug request and ...) 
Summary: Some serious commentary, and some more blatancy
Organization: Department of Atomic Text Units
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 21:24:29 GMT

In article <C0KJM0.DGy@news.udel.edu> seamus@ravel.udel.edu (James G Dilmore) writes:
|In article <1993Jan8.050223.6727@vpnet.chi.il.us> orc@vpnet.chi.il.us (david parsons) writes:
[wondering about 'bisexual identity']
|
|It has been stated on a variety of current threads that everyone has
|a different definition of bisexuality.  With such a multiplicity of
|personal idenities can a general "bisexual idenity" be constructed.
|Why should it be constructed, one may ask.  I think that it has a lot
|to do with community building.  

   This, even more than the definition of bisexuality, it a
personal thing.  I, for the most part, don't define myself based
on my sexual orientation. <trainspotting, being a computer geek,
and being a socialist are rather more prominently displayed in my
self-identification.>  I don't even know if a large fraction of my
bisexual friends consider bisexuality as an important part of their
identification.  But it's important that bisexuality be important
enough to be mentioned, because it's rather nice to be with people
who won't look askance when you start drooling over someone of the
inappropriate gender.  <I have straight friends, musicians and
hackers, who won't blink if I start drooling over men.  I've had
gay friends who've not objected when women.  But I've quite a few
more straight and gay acquantancies that consider it a personal
affront when I mention that I just had my brains screwed out by
someone of the wrong sex.>  This is moderately nice about the
bisexual community, such as it is; despite the different
definitions of bisexuality, and dispite the widely varying
interests of the people involved (*), you generally won't get flack
about the genitalia of the people you're attracted to.

(* for another community based on one shared interest, look at the
   trainspotting community.  Outside of watching trains, there can
   pretty much be guaranteed _no_ common ground in any small
   group.  I've hung out with _rabid_ right-wing sorts, who
   normally I wouldn't even waste spit on, because we were
   wandering around looking at interesting railroad equipment...)


|At one level a bisexual community and personal idenity is created 
|as soon as one differentiates oneself from the het label and the
|gay/lesbian label.  I believe that this distinction is not enough to
|actually form a community(such as soc.bi) on.

   Why shouldn't it be?  It's one thing the lot of us have in
common; some sort of attraction to both males and females <of all
of the descriptions posted, this does seem to be some sort of
common thread ;-)>


|I think that there must be some more commonality among the group for it
|to actually coagulate.  Perhaps this has come from external forces such as
|the stereotype of bis as hypersexual and/or confused which has been imposed
|from both the het and the lesgay communities.

  (remembering a few recent occasions of trying to select a
restaurant when hanging out with bisexual friends) "But we *are*
confused" :-)


|This could be a crystallization
|agent for a community.  This is then transformed into a more positive image.

   That's a large part of it.  Bisexuality just happens, and the
immediate social reaction to it seems to be a large "eeeeek!"  When
you're backup against a cliff, it's nice to know you aren't
fighting alone.

   If a miracle happened and homophobia vanished from the world
overnight, there wouldn't be quite so much reason for the
community, except it would be nice to have places where one could
go and have some chance (aside from drooling over the straight or
queer Usual Suspects of bifriends :-) of not committing the social
misstep of becoming interested in someone who isn't appropriately
oriented.


|... then what is there to
|congeal around?  Is it a general feeling of rejection from both the het and
|lesgay communities or a feeling of "just not fitting in"?

  (see above)


|Now to the fluff.

|>   Hmm, he said, pray, please provide more details!  If you're
|>gonna seduce me in front of 30,000 other avid readers, you're gonna
|>have to work a bit!
|And work is what I intend to do. :)  I feel like the object of 
|voyuerist lust.  I'm feeling rather drained and demure
|just now so I will have to flirt when the spirit moves me.

   (snicker)

   A warning, though; I'm starting to feel like my emotional plate
is rather full, so I'd not give you good odds that a casual
intermittent seduction attempt will work.  (Plus, if you've noticed
from public commentary, I don't like falling into situations
without massive amounts of communication, and will bail out at the
drop of a dime if I start feeling stressed.)

|>   david parsons \bi/ who's being distressingly honorable this month.
|Jim, who's month suddenly turned around last night. :)

   So, are you gonna post details?  Or will we have to make things
up, and (smiling lazily) post them for you?

                 ____
   david parsons \bi/  "Okay, so I'm a bit of an exhibitionist"
                  \/