From: kelly1+@pitt.edu (Kevin A. Geiselman)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Quotes by my friends
Date: 4 Jan 93 02:17:53 GMT
Organization: University of Pittsburgh
Originator: kelly1@unixd2.cis.pitt.edu

Hail and greetings.

I've been keeping an extensive list of quotes for many years now and
would like to share some of those quotes by friends and associates that
I thought of sufficient value to save.  These quotes are from role playing
games and real life...you might even be able to tell the difference.

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His knee jerks so fast it's amazing he still has teeth in his mouth.
				--- Heidi (my wife)

Bondage on a budget is much more satisfying.
				--- Me

You don't look like you could break a man in half.
				--- A RPG character who wanted to start
				    a fight and was subsequently broken
				    in half.

That's the difference between liberals and conservatives; it take a lot of
money for a liberal to fold.
				--- Henry Tjernlund responding to information
				    that Sigourny Weaver, who hates guns,
				    didn't want to do Aliens, was offered
				    mega-bucks and made the movie anyway.

Silly backward evolved mammals, carrying you skeletons on the inside
and your genitals outside.
				--- My Traveler RPG character

Just as victory is in sight, they sue for peace.
				--- My comment on the 100 hour war in Iraq

Remember: "Sure...here..." is an incorrect response to the Mongolian
Stupidity Test's first question, "can I borrow your sword?"
				--- Me

I disbelieve the door.

All the world's a stooge.

Let's start with 'no' and bargan from there.
				--- Thom Ware

What part of 'no' didn't you understand?
				--- Thom Ware

We'd better have this war before any more soldiers get killed.
				--- Me during Desert Shield after another
				    accident during training.

If you didn't struggle so much you wouldn't get rope burns.
				--- Me

Just because I have a degree in political science doesn't mean I understand
anything about politics.
				--- Me

I am so capable of independent thought, aren't I, Pete?
				--- Calvin Armstrong (sidekick)

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'll beat your head flat.

This is a spear... this is your head on a spear... any questions?
				--- Me

You look like someone who owes me money.
				--- Tony Ianuzzi

He first mistake was listening to me when I talk.
				--- Calvin Armstrong

Give me an axe handle and a place to stand and I will move your skull.

She's so vacuous it's amazing she's opaque.
				--- Me

Lady, I'm so pro-choice I'm violent.
				--- Adam Richter

I read the Gor novels, I know what women want.
				--- Darren Stengle

I did what any sane man with a hammer would do.
				--- Pete Kapustynski

The unswerving loyalty that only money can buy.

Accidents start with silly ideas.
				--- Mike Wong

Notice how his troops are advancing on you in the spirit of true friendship.

He's too zen for that.

Go back to your homes. There's nothing to be seen here.
				--- Pete Kapustynski

Are oral contraceptives good for regular sex too?

You guys make entropy look real good.

I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV.
				--- Pete Kapustynski

You see officer, it was like this: He bagan to run at me in a curious head
down position. I stepped out of the way, and when he missed, he turned and came
around for another pass. Afterwards, of course, I realized what he was
attempting to do. By then it was much too late. When he began to run at me, I
unconsciously clenched my fists in terror. I was tragically unaware that these,
in fact, were his targets. You see, he was trying to impact his head upon
the surface of my fist. I... I dodged and weaved. But he was more agile than I.
Inevitably, I tired... and he went down.
				--- Pete Kapustynski

I like to think of myself as 'functionally psychotic.'
				--- Darren Stengle

It ain't over till Millie Vanilli sings.

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Kevin Geiselman