From: ha09+@andrew.cmu.edu (Harith Jameel Alkhafiz)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc,alt.comics.lnh
Subject: Kirby among us!
Date: 11 Oct 92 16:31:55 GMT
Article-I.D.: andrew.EeqARva00WBKI39bU0
Organization: Carnegie Mellon Action Project, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA


   Rebel Yell hated monitor duty.  Really hated it.  Either nothing
happened, and he was bored out of his mind, or some cosmic menace reared
its ugly head.  To make matters worse, he had re-read "X-Men Adventures"
#1 this morning...
   "Why, why did I read it again?!" he asked himself in traditional
Marvel (TM) angst.  "Rouge's accent was SOOO bad!  Not everyone from the
South has an accent!  I know!  _I_ don't!"  He sat down in front of the
monitor and relieved Multi-Tasking Lad, who was playing X-Tank, reading
email on six different bboards, reading Flaming Carrot, and playing Net
Trek (!).
    "It's all yours!" M-T Lad said cheerfully as he walked away, read
Flaming Carrot, balanced his checkbook, etc.
    "Great," Rebel Yell grumbled as he reached for the monitor controls,
only to find an apparently haphazard collection of conduits, levers, and
knobs all wired to a central screen.  "What the hell?!  I thought we
told Dada Dude to never touch the monitor!"  A thick instruction manual
landed on Rebel Yell's lap.
    "I forgot to give you that," M-T Lad called back as he walked away again.
    "What's this?" Reb asked as he perused the cover of the manual. 
"'Computing on your Sub-Hyper Etheric Wavepulse Utilizer Megascanner'? 
KID KIRBY!!"

    "So," Kid Kirby began, "what exactly are your powers, Luking Girl?"
    "Well, I lurk," she replied.
    "That's rather vague.  Perhaps my Hyperionic Power Scanner shall
unravel this mystery," Kid Kirby mused as he produced a gadget.
    "I'm not too sure about this," Lurking Girl said, eyeing the unusual item.
    "It's perfectly harmless!  Reed used one on Sue, and it even
unleashed a new power in her!  Watch as I demonstrate it on Cannon
Fodder."
    "Oh, NO!" Cannon Fodder cried as he was disintigrated by the beam
emitted by the gadget.
    "That wasn't supposed to happen.  Hmm, perhaps his power was
magnified by the Scanner, and, since he dies all the time-  Lurking
Girl?"  She, however, had since lurked away and was invisible to Kid
Kirby's armor systems.
    "Interesting," he thought as he stepped around Captain Cleanup, who
was cleaning up Cannon Fodder's remains (molecular dust, which is pretty
hard to sweep up, but Captain Cleanup is the best at what he does, and
what he does...is clean up).  So far, things had been going well, and no
one had asked him about-
    "Why don't you ever take off your armor?" Bad-Timing Boy asked.  Kid
Kirby grabbed the hapless Boy by his collar and hoisted him off of the
ground.
    "I," Kid Kirby began indignantly, "who have soared through the
Marvel Universe, who survived the DC Implosion unscathed, who have
survived retcon's fateful gaze, for Kirby's style is eternal, simply
choose to remain clad in my mighty armor!  Perhaps I am hideously
scarred!  Pehaps I _am_ my armor!  Or, perhaps...I am not what I seem!" 
With that, Kid Kirby dropped Bad-Timing Boy to the floor and strode away
in twenty-foot, perspective warping steps.  "I love doing that!" he said
to himself.  "For a second, I thought that he was going to ask me about
who drank the last Mountain Dew in the refrigerator."  He bumped into
Contraption Man, who was rushing somewhere.
    "What are you doing, Contraption Man?" the Kid asked.
    "Oh, I'm building a room to test the other's abilities," Contraption
Man responded.  "But no one from this time would possibly understand the
technology that I'm using."
    "What?!" Kid Kirby asked, indignant and haughty, and warping
perspective to appear twenty feet tall, feet planted far apart.  "Doom-
I mean, Kid Kirby is the superior intellect!  Show me where this room is
being constructed, and I shall show you technology undreamed of!  Kid
Kirby never backs away from a technological challenge!"
    "Um, right.  C'mon, then, because I think that Ultimate Ninja's
going to need this pretty soon."
    "So be it!"

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Jameel
Physicist-At-Large a.k.a.
Kid Kirby