From: nlt@gboro.glassboro.edu (N. L. Tinkham)
Subject: Re: "Covenanted" marriage partners attending different churches
Organization: Department of Computer Science, Glassboro State College
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 05:14:53 GMT

Kerry Stephenson spoke of "covenanted" marriage partners; I asked for an
explanation of the term, and she replied:

> Actually, what I meant by "covenanted" marriage partners was those who
> call themselves Christian who also consider that their marriage is
> a joining of two people into "one flesh" and that, therefore, they
> are no longer two individuals, but one entity in submission to Christ.
> I am wondering how, in an area as supremely important as which
> congregational body one submits one's self to for fellowship, teaching,
> and discipline, a single entity can justify splitting back into two
> parts.  

I cannot really tell whether Darren and I fit your definition of "covenanted";
it depends on the nuances of the terminology.  We do experience a unity of
love that grows with time.  We are, however, two individuals.  I like spicy
food, and he doesn't; he likes Schwarzenegger movies, and I like artsy
European films that expound the meaning of life.  If we go to dinner and a
movie, we still have to work with these differences.

More to the point, I thrive on candles and incense and sacramental worship;
he isn't helped by these physical props at all and is sometimes distracted
by them.  Because he wants to encourage me in my submission to Christ, he
goes with me to a liturgical church.  Because I want to encourage him in
his submission to Christ, I go with him to a non-liturgical church.  So
there is a spiritual unity of purpose, but we have retained the individuality
necessary for both of us to flourish.

Part of love, in fact, is living with someone who is a different person
from me -- not an imaginary friend whom I can mold to be like me, but a
separate person with his own unpredictable thoughts and feelings.  (I'm
struck by this every so often.  "Wow!  There's a person sitting here
beside me!")


I think that Darren and I differ from you in our relationship to the local
church.  We look to the local church for fellowship and teaching, but we look
to many other Christians for that as well; I don't think my circle of Christian
friends has ever been confined to a single church, and my chief source of
theological information is the library rather than the pulpit.  Formal
worship is what I most look to the local church for, but worshipping with one
congregation does not prevent me from worshipping with other groups of
Christians.  Neither Darren nor I look to the local church for discipline;
we're both pretty self-motivated, and we're both reluctant to accept the
advice of a pastor without carefully evaluating that advice.

For these reasons, it isn't that much of a problem for us to be a part
of two different congregations.  I find it helpful, in fact, to be with
Christians who disagree with me; it shows me Christ in new ways, and it
reminds me that my group is not the entirety of the body of Christ.


As to the original question about statistics, I don't know how common it
is for couples to attend different churches.  It probably requires that
a) the husband and wife be of different denominations originally (so, for
instance, they didn't meet in church), b) they have a strong enough
denominational loyalty that neither wants to switch, but c) they respect
each other's beliefs enough to support the other person's church membership.
At a wild guess, I'd expect this combination to be relatively rare, and
anecdotally I don't know of very many 2-church couples.

If anyone has statistics or anecdotes, I'd like to hear them, to know
how well 2-church arrangements work for other couples.

_____________________________________________________________________________

                                              Nancy Tinkham
                                              nlt@gboro.glassboro.edu
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU