From: il@bambam.u.washington.edu (Il Hwan Oh)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv
Subject: Seinfeld: 11/28 episode (was: Picket Fences -> Mention of masturbation?  Oh boy.)
Date: 21 Nov 92 07:13:36 GMT
Article-I.D.: u.1992Nov21.071336.722
Organization: University of Washington, Tacoma

jeffy@cray.com (Jeffrey Neau) writes:

>I missed the first 5 minutes of the show.  How did Jerry's friend tell everyone
>what his mother had caught him doing?

Here's a fairly complete transcript of that first scene.

Setting: That diner they're always hanging out at.  Jerry, Elaine, and
         Kramer are sitting in a booth eating.

J: (to Elaine)
   Let me ask you a question.

E: (mouth full)
   Umm-hmm.

J: You're a hostage captured by terrorists.

E: (mouth still full)
   Who? Me?

J: You, anybody, whatever.  You're in the little room.
   You're chained to the floor.  You're there for a long time.
   Do you think they would ever consider doing a(?) laundry?

E: They have to.  It's in the Geneva Convention.

K: (pointing at Elaine)
   You!  Take off your socks, your pants, your underwear!
   We're doing a(?) wash!
   (some more stuff I couldn't make out because of the laughter)
   (George walks in, hanging his head)
   Hey, George.

J: Hi.

E: Hi.

  (George sits down slowly)

G: (shakes his head)
   My mother caught me.

J: Caught you?  Doing what?

G: You know...
   (looks over at Elaine)
   I was alone...

E: You mean...?

G: Uh-huh.

K: (laughing)
   She caught you?

J: Where?

G: I stopped by the house to drop the car off,
   and I went inside for a few minutes.
   Nobody was there.  They're supposed to be working!
   (Jerry snorts)
   My mother had a Glamour magazine;
   I started looking through it.

J: Glamour?!

G: So, one thing led to another...

J: What did she do?

G: First, she screams, "George!  What're you doing! My god!"
   (pauses while all laugh)
   Then it looked like she was going to faint.
   She started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it.
   I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling
   or zip up.

J: What did you do?

G: I zipped up.

E: (eyes wide)
   So she fell?

G: Yeah.
   (all stare at him)
   Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!

E: No, I guess you couldn't.

J: Well, I wouldn't think so!

E: (something I couldn't make out)

G: So she fell, and then she starts screaming, "my back! My back!"
   So I picked her up!  I took her to the hospital.

E: (laughing)
   How is she?

G: She's in traction.

E: (still laughing)
   I'm sorry.

G: It's not funny, Elaine.

E: (still laughing)
   I know.  I'm sorry.

G: Her back went out.  She's gonna be there a couple of days.
   All she said on the way over in the car was, "why, George!  Why?"
   I said, "because it's there."

   (Kramer chuckles)

J: Glamour?!

   (Elaine laughs.)

   (All but George laugh)

G: Tell you this stuff(?).  I am never doing...
   (points away from table)
   that again.

E: What?  You mean, in your mother's house or altogether?

G: Altogether.

J: Oh, yeah, right.

E: (simultaneously with Jerry)
   Oh, give me a break.

E&J: Come on.

G: Wait a minute(?).  You don't think I can?

J: No chance!

G: You think you could?

J: I could hold out longer than you.

G: Care to make it interesting?

J: Sure!  How much?

G: Hundred dollars?

J: You're on.

K: (holds up a hand)
   Wait a second, wait a second.
   Count me in on this.

J: You?

K: Yeah.

J: You'll be out before we get the check.

E: I want to be in on this, too.

J&G&K: Ah... no, no....

J: It's apples and oranges.  It's a whole different thing.

E: What?  Why?  Why?

J: Because you're a woman.

E: So what?

J: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man.

E: Uhh!

J: We have to do it.  It's part of our lifestyle.
   It's like ... shaving

E: Oh, that's such a baloney!  I shave my legs.

K: Not everyday.

G: Alright.  Look.  You want to be in?

E: Yeah.

G: You've gotta give us odds.  At least two to one.
   You've gotta put up two hundred dollars.

K: No. A thousand.

E: Now, I'll put up ... I'll put up one-fifty.

G: Alright.  You're in for one-fifty.

J: Okay.  One-fifty.

G: Alright, now.  How're we gonna ... monitor this?

J: Well, obviously, we all know each other very well.
   I'm sure we'll all feel comfortable within
   the confines of the honor system.

K: Alright.  Come on.

   (Kramer sticks his pinkie out and holds out toward the center of table.
    Others put their pinkies forward, then hook them, then pull them
    apart with a cheer.)

------

-- 
Il Hwan Oh                              | "You live and learn.
Computer Facilities Manager             |   At any rate, you live."
University of Washington, Tacoma        |            -- Douglas Adams
iho@cac.washington.edu                  |