From: alawrenc@sobeco.com (a.lawrence)
Subject: Someone special
Organization: Sobeco Ernst & Young
Date: Sat, 25 Jul 92 20:06:20 GMT

    Once every few years, I meet someone special in in recovery.
Someone for whom I care more than most.  Someone who touches my
heart.
    I first met Niki at a sober dance about 2 1/2 years ago, in
January I think.  She was 18 and had just gone to her first N.A.
meeting.  Some of the group from the meeting brought her to the
dance, even though she was still high.	Even stoned, she had that
look of someone who has finally found the place that she was
looking for, who has found hope. Amazed that so many people could
be having such a good time clean and sober, she was incredulous
that some of us actually had many years of sobriety.
   It took Niki a while to give up her cocaine, but she kept coming
back, and after a few months began putting some time together.	I
only go to A.A. meetings and Niki went mainly to N.A. so we
didn't see each other very often that first year, but whenever we
did we'd talk, and each time I saw the spark, I saw the miracle
that had save my life happening again.	A year and a half ago,
when some friends started a sober social club and asked me to be
the club manager, I saw a lot more of Niki.
    She joined the club and came regularly to the meetings held
there.	Last summer she had almost a year clean but was going
through difficult times.  The pink cloud was gone and she was
just beginning to learn to deal with reality.  Niki was just a
little girl inside (I suppose that was what gave her such a
wonderful innocense) and found growing up very, very hard.  I
never found out exactly why, and I doubt Niki herself ever really
knew, but late last summer she started shooting coke again.  To
pay for the drugs, she fell back on the only trade she'd ever
had, turning tricks on the street.
   A lot of her friends tried to help her.  Niki even tried coming
back to meetings several times, but gradually she drifted farther
and farther away.  The last time she was seen or heard from was
last November.
   On Friday, July 24th, we buried Niki.  She was 21 when she was 
murdered.  Her naked body was recovered from the St-Lawrence River 
in the spring, but because it had been in the water for 2 or 3 months, 
she wasn't identified until this week.
   It's 4:00 am right now, and I am hurting and crying as I write
this.  Today has not been a good day.  I saw the the story of
Niki's death and final identication on page 2 of the morning
tabloid, but didn't connect the name (so much for anonymity)
until I got a phone call at noon informing me about the funeral.
   I don't know why I want to post this story, but I do.  I guess
its because Niki was special.  In the beginning she reminded me
that the miracle of recovery is still happening. In the end, she
showed how fragil recovery really is. At times like this I wish
with all my heart that I could have given all my faith to Niki,
that I could give my faith to all the Niki's of the world.  God
knows I've tried.

 


-- 
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andrew Lawrence, Informaticien Conseil           |  alawrenc@sobeco.com
3605 St-Urbain, #1605                            |  uunet!sobeco!alawrenc
Newsgroups: alt.recovery