HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: fkittred@endor.uucp (Fletcher Kittredge)
Subject: Re: How do you start an .alt group?
Organization: Aiken Computation Lab, Harvard University
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 00:34:08 GMT

In article <1993Jan24.130358.24964@fuug.fi> an2026@anon.penet.fi (TJ) writes:
>I am interested in starting a UseNet equivilent of Sex and Love Addicts
>Anonymous, perhaps alt.sex&love.addiction.recovery . I understand the
>rules on starting an alt group are very lax (I mean, Bill Wells started
>his own group just like that). Could someone illuminate me as to
>the procedure for doing this? Thanks!

A couple of suggestions.  First drop the '&' character from the name.  It
will cause problems.  Second, this may work better as a mailing list,
maybe a moderated list.  I suspect as a newsgroup the title will draw
the wrong sort of audience.

good luck and best wishes!

regards,
fletcher

/* Fletcher Kittredge
 * BBN Software Products
 * 150 CambridgePark Dr,  Cambridge, MA. 02140
 * 617-USE-FINK  /  fkittred@bbn.com  /  fkittred@das.harvard.edu	 */
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: kudos to everybody
Date: 28 Jan 1993 04:35:55 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: stein.u.washington.edu

anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear) writes:

>hey yall i just wanted to say how stong it sounds asar is getting

yeah, it sort of gives me a nice warm feeling inside, like there really is some
hope for this species called humanity.

>congrats to melancholychild and synthesis (i thihnk) for trying out
>therapy
>you guys are so great and poohbear really hopes you find
>helpful people

>thanks to everyone who writes
>yeats is really beautiful...looking for som,ething comparable
>or at least responsive

>also s.o. tonight spoke as if he had swallowed a book for s.o.s
>hmmm interesting pun there
>but really he said wonderful beautiful things to me and he meant them

wow, that's really wonderful.  i'm so happy for you!  :)

>i think i am gonna start that damn zoloft

good for you!  i'm glad to see you doing the things you need to do for
yourself. 

>of course everytime i decide that i dont do it
>but we shall see

well, make this time different.  you can do it!

>no crisis at the time being

hey, that's a good thing in itself, right?

>nothing of great urgency 
>just wanted to tell you all how much you
>are a part of my life and i thank you so much
>and wanted to say this now when i am not at all dissociated

well, you're welcome.  

>silver tiger wont you join me in the light in the 100acre woods
>no scary dark moss there
>just hunny and friends

>byebye

see you soon!

>poohbear
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: ALI00BAW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU
Subject: Re: oday I feel like screaming...
Organization: UNC Charlotte
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 19:49:22 GMT

Icy calm.  Rational.  You are BETTER than he is--don't descend to his
level.
 
The more irrational he gets, the more rational you get.  The louder he
gets, the quieter you get.  The more he tries to goad you, the less you
respond.  He's attempting to get you mad enough so that you say/do something
you will later regret.
 
Let him "stew in his own juices."
 
If he builds up enough steam, he MIGHT just work himself into a coronary
or a stroke; I'd not wish any on my worse enemy, but. . . .
From: rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: HELP!
Date: 27 Jan 93 18:48:49 GMT
Organization: UB

aakin@lonestar.utsa.edu (Ashley T. Akin) writes:

>I'm not sure what to say....All I know, is that I'm HURTING...I'm filling with
>pain and anger inside. SOMEONE, PLEASE HELP ME! I feel like I'm DYING from all
>of the memories, all of the experiences, all the shit that I've been through..
>I feel like that I'm drowning in my own pain! IS ANYONE THERE?!?!? DOES ANYONE
>GIVE A SHIT?!?!? Someone..please talk to me!

>p.s. my name is Ashley Taylor Akin. My address is:
>15801 Chase Hill, #623
>San Antonio, TX 78256

>my phone number is: (210) 699-9055. I'm desperate...Help me.

	This, kids, is what I mean when I say "guts," or "courage," or
any suchlike term.  She doesn't even bother with a post office box ...
no, she doesn't give a damn if we know where she lives ... hell, I
don't even give that information to some of my best friends.  

	Ashley, you're obviously the bravest person on this board.
If you're having a tactical problem, stand and fight ... I have no doubt
that you will slice the opposition, whether it be spiritual, internal,
external, social, professional, or whatever, into mincemeat.  

	(Double E-Bow)  Inspired Master!  Not only do you know all the
stuff I try to talk about here, you know all the stuff I try teach myself.

(:
Rick
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Suicide is a right, but .....
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 08:07:58 GMT

Greg Cook|xxxxxx (gcook@horus.cem.msu.EDU) wrote:

: I agree with this concept.  The problem is, suicide DOES hurt other 
: people, and that has to be taken into account when someone wants to 
: commit suicide.

That reminds me of a Buddhist concept which says that any action contemplated
must be thought of from your point of view, the other person's point of view,
and the third party who will be most affected by the act.
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler
From: anon-1410@twwells.com (Us Peoples)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Help Please:  What's Happening to Me?
Date: 22 Jan 93 05:12:24 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Sarah,
 
Uh, you asked if that sort of thing has happened to anyone else.  Well, I read
your post outloud to my housemate and then said "I didn't write that' because
you almost exactly described how I have been feeling.  I don't shoplift & I 
don't think I've been much engaging in my over-shopping/spending -- and I've
been reading too much -- but other than that, I could have written that post.
 
Uh, what to do to get out of it.  I wish I knew.  I'm trying all the things 
that help me, I'm trying to not get angry at myself at how I'm doing, I'm 
trying to write to asar and my friends.  I'm trying to get my physical needs 
met with with a minimum of fuss.  I'm trying to let go of control so as i can 
let out the below the surface stuff but it isn't working so well because I'm 
too scared of it and too invested in my control right now.
 
I just needed to reply because you sounded so like me in that post.
 
Yes I get suicidal and avoid daily responsibilities.  I have a month and a 
half of dishes piled up that Isimply can't cope with and last night I stayed
hungry and ate potato chips because I couldn't manage the minimal effort
required to prepare some of the piles of easy-to-prepare foods (like boxed
mac & cheese & frozen dinners) that I keep the house supplied with.
 
I'm totally stressed out over bills, returning library books, adding my
housemate to the car insurance as a driver -- I feel completeing incompetant
and when I can occasionally get something done I do it at the expense of 
stufing ALL my feelings and feeling really angry and resentful.
 
I hate it too.  I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it.  and I keep saying 
that I don't know how to get out of it.  I feel really trapped and hopeless
and helpless and disgusting and pitiful.
 
but.  I have felt like this before.  And I've gotten out of it.  and been okay.
and I am doing what I need to take care of myself and I have supportive people
in my life now and I know I will come out of this again.  I do my best to
nurture myself and I do my best to just survive.
 
to survive, knowing that eventually i will be more okay.
 
us peoples



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From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: FMS, PAX, Relkie-foxholes, FEAR NO EVIL
Date: 22 Jan 1993 01:38:49 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: stein.u.washington.edu

erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:

>Richard M. Romanowski (rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu) wrote:

>: 	You are strong enough, right now, to blow off your anon-address,
>: to post from your regular account.  You are strong enough to tell anybody
>: who might be interested that you are a survivor, but you frankly don't
>: give a good God damn who knows or doesn't know.  You are strong enough,
>: all by yourself.    

>Of course!  The human potential movement (for lack of a better term) has been
>saying this for many years.

[ etc... ]

this is all well and good, and yes, in the best of all possible worlds we would
all be strong enough to post under our real names.  but this isn't the best of
all possible worlds (although i don't think it's quite as bad as rick seems to
think), and i will stand up for the right pf people like poohbear to post
anonymously for as long as they want to or need to.

make your own decision, poohbear.  you do what's right for you and don't worry
about measuring up to other people's standards.  *hugs*
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: FMS, PAX, Relkie-foxholes, FEAR NO EVIL
Date: 21 Jan 93 06:27:00 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


im not strong enough
people can and will rape me again
i do not have your power

but kudos to you for having it
it is wonderful to read
but im anon and will stay anon
ill lose it if i were me from my acxcount
id lose whatever small pathetic amount of guts i muster up

poohbear



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From: agape@igc.apc.org (Jean Riseman)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: RA Poem SPOILER
Date: 27 Jan 93 04:04:00 GMT
Nf-ID: #N:cdp:1519600022:000:1005
Nf-From: cdp.UUCP!agape    Jan 26 20:04:00 1993


~4| !11EE+u=`/P  PBin the soft summer dusk my mommy said "put on
you nighty, brush your teeth, and I'll tuck you in."

I touch only my front teeth so I don't throw up I put my nighty on
over my shorts and shirt the pretty nighty with blue flowers I lie
down and pull up the soft sheets.  She comes and gently kisses me.
"Sleep tight."

I lie rigid pretending I'm the corpse of a beautiful maiden
Holding a white lily under crossed hands Forgetting how to breathe
Until waves of green nausea take me captive

***

Next I know, a cool breeze the smell of coffee and bacon naked
under the nighty with blue flowers naked and sticky with sweet
smelling white stuff the bed cold with old urine little drying
brown spots where the new bandages touched the sheets

and, oh, every bone hurts shoulders hips down my throat and up
between my legs I hope I die for real next time

***

Nobody says anything at breakfast.

a |~&:Lcd@d,;<Hx!;Wghlm{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{m&O6`a{
0PQUVyz{|{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{^~ m| "(v|
From: anon-1546@twwells.com (LittleBear)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: congratulations to Ashley
Date: 26 Jan 93 19:10:20 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Ashley, you did a good thing for yourself. You came to asar where we
believe you!

I am so sorry you are feeling all that pain and anguish. It is terrible
what has happened to you. You have a right to feel angry about it and to
shout about it. This is a good place to let people know how pissed you are,
because we understand. And we won't get mad because you're pissed. Speaking
for me, I       *encourage* you to tell how pissed you are.

So how about that, you've done something really big for Ashley today. Bravo!

I called you and left a message with another name. I'll call again to check
on you, because you are important to me.

Read this Ashley: You can get through this. Please want to.


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: jeffo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (J.B. Nicholson-Owens)
Subject: Re: Why I read a.s.a.r. (was: For Non-Abused Skeptics)
Reply-To: jeffo@uiuc.edu
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 10:44:09 GMT

Muffy Barkocy writes

> [soc.bi is] Definitely fairly gentle and clearly with fewer flames
> (*smile*). [..]

Very few USENET groups actually talk about things in a light that
reflects a non-attack, discussion-oriented atmosphere.  I think
a.s.a.r is one of the few USENET groups that does it well.

There are so many groups where the majority of posts are from men who
don't read what other people write, have probably never experienced
the form of abuse or rejection or mistreatment that is the subject of
the group, and when someone else has a legitimate complaint about
something (even inviting discussion on it) the vast majority of
responses are from men saying "that's a non-problem...there are much
more important issues to worry about...[various ramblings on their
take on the Constitution]".  For instance, I enjoy discussing topics
under the heading of feminism.  When possible, I try to strike up
conversations on topics in that area and I find it an excellent topic
to use when working on sharpening informative discussion skills (being
able to seperate pertinant information from over-generalized
ramblings, for instance).  However the moderated and relatively (I'm
using this word *very* liberally) flame-free soc.feminsm (less flames
than the other feminism group my site receives alt.feminism, but not
flame-free enough to make it noticeable to me) is very much occupied
by the men I wrote about in the beginning of this paragraph.  a.s.a.r
has a bunch of posters (including men) who really read what someone
else has to say and respond a way that is very rare on USENET:
thoughtfully.

Speaking of soc.feminism, I thought that it would be more of a place
to discuss topics where the posters had to remain completely
flame-free because of the seriousness of the topic (hence the need for
moderators who would screen out the undesirables); I thought it would
be a support group whereas the alt.feminism would be the
anything-you-want-to-discuss-about-feminism group (which would be the
place to find the flames).  It is far from that, and it really made me
think about the value of USENET on a whole.  It's nice to know that
the unmoderated a.s.a.r works quite well in supporting active topics
in the area of sexual-abuse recovery.  The opinions provided by those
that post their stories are very valuable and have definately stuck in
my head.

Perhaps it's some view that sexual abuse is more important than
women's equality, but somehow the majority of posts I just read in
this group tell me that these people care about talking *WITH* others
on this issue, not talking *AT* them by shouting arguments against
them constantly making the original posters reply defensively.  Other
USENET group posters could definately take lessons from the people
here.
-- 
-- Jeff (jeffo@uiuc.edu)
-- NeXTmail ok
From: anon-1569@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: pieces
Date: 23 Jan 93 23:01:55 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

ANON-Ping:yes
ANON-Announce:yes


    Last time I posted here I was in a somewhat less than stable frame of mind.
I am happy to say that I am doing better today. I have a tendency to jump from
topic to topic so sorry in advance if it creates any confusion.
    First off I want to thank Jeannie for the advice. I don't know how to do
it like the rest of you-that posting with the other text. I don't know about
other people but I do like advice-I can then look at something in a new way or
be reminded of things I have forgotten. You were close on the flashback part,
only it wasn't a completely new one, just one I had tried to repress again. 
Guess I won't try that again real soon. :)  
   What happened after that post was that Wednesday morning I called my 
counsellor and asked her to let me out of the no harm contract. What gets me is
that at the time I believed that she just might-just a little irrational! But
predictibly she wouldn't so I went in to see her. I was such a mess! I should
say now maybe that I have a hard time with emotions and connecting. I basically
walk around in a semi-permanant state of dissociation. Anyone else do that?
Anyway, after telling her over and over I didn't know what was bothering me i
let myself see what was bothering me. (I am not strong enough to talk about it
yet.) And then I started to connect-and boy did it hurt! But I still didn't cry.
Anyone know any tricks on how to learn to cry? Or let yourself cry? After a 
couple minutes of connecting and talking to her I hit overload and started to
"go away". I could hear her asking me to come back, that I was safe there, but
still it was so difficult and in the end I wasn't able to connect all the way.
After sitting and talking about other, not so threatening stuff, I went home
not wanting to hurt myself at all. Amazing how when you do let it out the need
to inflict pain on yourself almost dissappears. You were right Jeannie, the 
trick is to stall long enough to understand. 
   I guess I also wanted to post this because I have an extremely difficult
time trusting people and I was able to trust my counsellor to give me a hug 
(also a difficult, painful thing) and with the pain of the memory. She is so
wonderful, sometimes i wonder why she keeps working with difficult,stubborn
me. 
   Going to get kicked off the computer now so i have to go but stay safe, as
safe as you can!

	Ebony orchids



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From: mccall3080@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: becoming a sexual being
Date: 24 Jan 93 22:17:07 -0600
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

        I met someone toward the end of November and both of us have fallen in
complete love which is a new feeling for me.
        He is 26, tall and handsome, and working on his doctorate in Physics. 
He knows about my sexual abuse history and my lack of confidence in my
appearance and we are very open in our communications.  The amazing thing I 
found was that he did love me for who I am and thinks I am beautiful!  No male
around my age has EVER told me that before.

        For the first time since the incident 6 years ago I feel sexually
attracted to someone.  These feelings are so new, frightening, and wonderful. 
I didn't know if I would ever feel this way about anyone, but I do, and now I am
beginning to feel my inexperience.  I am so far behind in regards to
relationships compared to other 23 year olds!  I know that he will be
understanding and will take things slow, but I still feel anxious.
        I am taking risks with him and I have taken down all the walls that
usually protect me.  I have come a long ways since last year.   For the first
time in my life I am beginning to feel like a complete being.  A complete
sexual being!  
        I am feeling a great sense of recovery.  It can and does happen.

Melissa
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: an2026@anon.penet.fi (TJ)
Subject: How do you start an .alt group?
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 12:54:00 GMT

I am interested in starting a UseNet equivilent of Sex and Love Addicts
Anonymous, perhaps alt.sex&love.addiction.recovery . I understand the
rules on starting an alt group are very lax (I mean, Bill Wells started
his own group just like that). Could someone illuminate me as to
the procedure for doing this? Thanks!

TJ
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From: anon-1199@twwells.com (Abby)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: ISO other pro-survivors
Date: 23 Jan 93 00:05:57 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Hi --

I am a pro-survivor.  Not a "significant other", just a close friend
and roommate.  She has known about the abuse for the past year and a
half, I for about a year.

Recently she had a flashback.  I held her through the flashback. 
She's feeling fine now, but *I'm* feeling crummy -- I guess this has
stirred up once again all my anger that this s*** happens to 
anyone, and I guess a sort of selfish mourning for myself and my
loss of innocence.  I was quite aware that abuse "happened", and even
that "of course" it had "probably" happened to someone I know, but
naturally that isn't the same as the real thing actually happening.

There must be another pro-survivor out there I can make contact with,
so I have someone to turn to from time to time to share my feelings,
etc. (and then I'd be there for you to dump on me too).

I'm pretty flexible about who contacts me, but I'd particularly like 
to make contact with someone who is also "just a friend".  People
who know multiples, or at least a survivor who also has an inner child.
(My friend has several personalities, mostly continuous memories for
the last several months/year, but only one "grown up" and one kid
have had "body time" in the past few weeks/month--the others don't
seem to be around right now.)

Thanks, asar folk, for being there.



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