From: cubsfan@camelot.bradley.edu (Michael Silverman)
Subject: Re: sort of Rush lyrics
Keywords: rush mobile homes giants in the earth etc etc etc
Organization: Bradley University
Date: 14 Apr 92 02:42:07 GMT


Here are some Rush song parodies I had on file....enjoy.....

Disclaimer: I made none of these up...some still have their attributions,
others don't, but somewhere, sombody made all these up.

                                   SHIFT UP

  I turned my head
  I spun my wheels
  Landing on elbows
  You know how that feels

  I'm on a hawg now---
  Or is it a 'glide?
  Won't be too careful
  With this fabulous ride
  If I could only pass that car inside.
  And burn it up

  SHIFT UP---Or you can throttle back down
  SHIFT UP---Miss the volvo
  Or your butt'll hit the ground
  SHIFT UP---There's still time to run
  That car aground
  SHIFT UP---Burn it up---
  Or wear the road rash crown
  Burn it up

  Sudden rain,
  Hydroplane
  I don't think my motorbike
  Will beat this train

  I'm in a groove now
  Or is it a ditch?
  I want my teeth back
  This crashing is a bitch
  I get so hungry, when they wire my mouth shut
  And burn it up

  I got all broke up inside
  But didn't earn the road rash throne
  The leathers really saved my hide
  but it's bad to be a bone

  I can go out, I can take a ride
  But only on my wheelchair
  The leather sure saved my hide
  And at least I still have hair
  Burn it up


                              BEERESY
                              -------

                  All around this great Beer World
                  From the bottles to the cans
                  People buy the brands they want
                  And carryout with their own two hands

                  But be careful not to buy too much
                  Or you might drop a case
                  Then all your beer will spill out
                  O, what a big disgrace!

                  All those wasted beers
                  All those precious, wasted beers
                  Who will pay?

                  Do we have to mop the floor up at last?
                  What else can we do?
                  Do we have to say goodbye to our drafts?
                  Yes, I guess we do


          I HATE MY LIFE or YOU BET YOUR WIFE (whichever you prefer)
		       Music by Lee and Lifeson
			 Lyrics by Ken Maupin

HUSBAND'S VERSE:
Just another in-law, long outlasting their stay
Just another Bon bill she expects me to pay
Just another dinner means more heartburn and pain
Just another day -- at the end of her ball and chain

HUSBAND'S CHORUS:
THE BROAD AIN'T LEAVIN' -- She always complains
THE BROAD AIN'T LEAVIN' -- She drives me insane
I HATE MY LIFE

WIFE'S VERSE:
Just another whiner, pours his beer down his throat
Just another fat ass in a fishing boat
Just another boozer, always jobless and broke
Just another day -- in a castle with a Coor's Light moat

WIFE'S CHORUS:
THE CLOD'S A HEATHEN -- Just look at this stain
THE CLOD'S A HEATHEN -- All men are the same
I HATE MY LIFE

HUSBAND'S SPOKEN VERSE:
greedy jealous money-hungry shopping mall tourist
talk show and soap opera watching self-taught psychotherapist
irrational demanding whining freedom-choking feminist
wrinkled grey-haired sagging vericosed arthritic gruesomeness

WIFE'S SPOKEN VERSE:
armchair natural gas-producing jaundiced beer-evangelist
chauvinistic smelly hairy foul-mouthed macho egotist
impotent pot-bellied balding middle-aged misogynist
in-debt-up-to-his-eyeballs undereducated credit-risk

FAMILY VERSE:
Just another family, the Cleavers they aren't
Just another household completely lacking heart
Just another marriage on the rocks from the start
Just another couple -- wed until "death do us part"

FAMILY CHORUS:
ONLY GOD KNOWS THE REASON -- The story's the same
ONLY GOD KNOWS THE REASON -- Why love is so lame
I HATE MY LIFE

Copyright 1991 Mind's Ear Music Publishing
No Rights To Reserve
Spoofed Without Permission



Ask Me To Dance

Like a million little dance clubs
all the choices we made
all the bouncers we got past
all the songs that they played

So many different directions
Our separate paths might have turned
With all the feet we've stepped on
every person we've burned

Somehow we find each other
through all that masquerade
somehow we find each other
somehow we have stayed
In the same damn place

I don't believe in  DENSITY
or the mystery of blind date
I don't believe in forever
or the club as a mystical place

I don't believe in the lights or the sound
or the DJ watching from above
But I believe if you Ask Me To Dance
We can push and then shove
and make it last...



THE BIG WHEEL OF FORTUNE
Music by Lee and Lifeson
Lyrics by Dan Flanegan

They say it's only a game - not that I would change my mind
On T.V. - ya see it's not a waste of time
And if I win - i'll be rich, and it's no crime
The way that big wheel spins

Well I arrived in LA, Pat was there to shake my hand
Thought I'd see, if I could be Vanna's man
Taking no chances, I wait with rose in hand
Her rejection was bad!

BUYING A VOWEL
Don't want to wait to solve it
GET A FREE SPIN
Or some insight that will help me win
PLAYING WITH DORKS
I can't believe they picked these contestants
LOOK AT THAT CAR
The way that big wheel spins

Well I had only a few, them darn spaces to fill
My mind goes blank, I think I'm getting ill
So I thought I could solve it, but those chances are all in the wheel

Well I still had a chance, spin without a second glance
Going for broke, time for a final chance
Way beyond hope, I wanna win that trip to France
It's such a circumstance

Wheel spins round, landing on a thousand bucks
Keeping my assets, I'll have a better chance
When the final guessing begins

Wheel slows down, landing on the bankrupt spot
Game redirected, wheel stops unexpected
Sometimes the fat lady wins
The way that damn wheel spins!


******************************************************
		  GROCERY LINE
******************************************************
He's got a coupon for Folgers
caffine fix for the week
Heads for the sugar
She grabs a liquid crystal cleanser
Places the Apple Jacks
Under the Velveeta

They travel in the isle of the can goods
On a buying spree, straight to the Del Monte Beans
Like Libbys and Campbells
And the cheapest brand of all of these
We only go home when the shopping's done, shopping's done

He buys a star quiz of Capricorns
A box of roach motels
Makes his way to the deli
She's got a rebate for Oreo's
A promise of a discount price
On the roast and the sirloin

They travel to the produce section
fresh out of the grapes today
next to the rasin display
Like apples and oranges
Buying the last of the alar stains
We only go home when we're on the way, on the way

We aren't done
Wandering the front of the store
Wondering what we came here for
Learning that were only forgetful
For a limited time

Kraft is a free Dodge Caravan
Goes away in the night
their lawyers leave you in dreamland
Clorox is a white bleach cleaner
Flicker of flouresent lights
Left behind in the fast lane

We travel to the checkout scanner
A laser reader traces the barcode lines
Like magic and wonder
checking for the lowest price
We only go home when we're satisfied, satisfied

We aren't done
Wandering the front of the store
Wondering what we came here for
Learning that were only forgetful
For a limited time

We travel back from our grocery adventure
On the busy highway straight to the place we call home
Like others before us
through the worst part of the neighborhood
We only get home when we're in the drive, in the drive

Lyrics by Pepsi
Music by Lipton and Sara Lee
Produced by Duncan Hines
Brought to you by the Circle K


                       Mobile Homes
                  Lyrics by Matt Van Horn

Well you can fill that tank
Good wheels are the key to good tourin'
Campers take less space
Boats, they seldom clear the bank
If they don't think it's rank
Then pack the kids, don't tell the detination
Give them bags and tents
And make 'em sleep down where it's dank

We go out on the road and take our houses
Lock up the house, leave it to the mouses
We buy those little lap dogs for our spouses!

Mobile Homes

Don't hit that deer!
You hit the deer.
Mobile Homes
Our bikes were stolen
So was the coleman
Mobile Homes

Well dinner's cold as ice-
Mom just had to ruin our supper
To tend to little Billy
And his head of lice
Well, wouldn't space be nice?
I'm sick and tired of bunking with my sister
She got sick from Poison Ivy
and the threw up twice.

Kids- relax
Just eat your Apple Jacks
The variety packs
and PB Max
Even though there's a tax on all those snax
Just Relax
Makin' fat that gluteus max
Those are the facts- you dig?
You scarf it down
your butt gets big. You're a PIG
It's destructive, convulsive,
Watching you's repulsive.
So who's afraid
of a little expansion
Can't get no indigestion
You got gas!
You'd better not pass boy,
It spreads fast
In a Mobile Home boy!

What's the deal?
Hear it squeal!
If the brakes are hot- better stop!
Cool 'em down and try to flag a cop
If you're stallin'
Or you're tires are baldin'
Don't go callin'
Tripple A while bawlin'
They're slow as mold. It's cold
Gott a massive loan
To go out and buy this Mobile Home
Turn the key and ROLL
Back on the road!

Get Sleazy!


--| * Pitch Bunt
--| Part III of 'Beer'

 The batter stands
 Without a sound
 The air is thick, and still

 All the eyes are focused on
 The lonely pitcher's hill

Bleachers distorted in the halogen light
The faces are twisted and grotesque
Drunken and loud in the sweltering night
The mob moves like demons possessed
Completely obnoxious, waiting to fight -
Confident their team is best

 The righteous rise
 With blurry eyes
 Unfocused and unclear

 Fat men fed on beer and fries
 To eat, and burp, and cheer

They say there are dangers, to play for us
Gotta dodge that wild ball
But other sports are much more dangerous
Have Bo Jackson tell you all
Those who know what's best for us -
Must try to save us from football

 Quick to swing
 Quick to anger
 Slow to hit the ball

 Being sent
 Back to the bench
 Or worse
 The shower stall



Barbeque
--------

If we burn our wings
Trying to cook 'em well-done
From the heat of the charcoal
Forgotten in all of the fun
If the dinner's done --
Though everything is lost
We will order out,
But we will not count the cost

When the smoke has cleared
And edible food denied
A burger too blackened
Chicken a little too fried
If we keep our pride
Though all the food is lost
We will order out,
But we will not count the cost

And if the fire stops
There's only the smell of the flame
All the steaks and drumsticks,
All the barbeque in vain
And if the guests remain
Though everything is lost
We will order out,
But we will not count the cost




          No Tide
          -------

Nature has some new plague
To live in our sheets
Microbes in the wrinkles
We must try to defeat
Fugitives at the laundry room door
Cleaners pause to find an open  store
Clothing is spread all over the floor
And there's no Tide lets get some more.

THIS IS NOT A FALSE ALARM
THIS IS NOT A TEST

Stay out of the mud
Even where clothing covers skin
Dirt full of poison
And my jeans are just to thin
Bless the washer and mud no more
Clothing stained by an open sore
Black grime falling to the laundry room floor
And all the Tide spilled by the door

THIS IS NOT A FALSE ALARM
THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing we can clean away
Dirt we cannot best
The clothing is made ugly by
An uninvited guest

Deadline approaches
Clothes full of sand
They used to be spotless
But now they are sticking to our hands
Too late for debate, to bad to ignore
That atrocious odor leads to open war
Bring all our change to the corner store
Hope they have Tide we need some more

Now's the time to turn to Tide
Now's the time to fight
Let us not go dirty
To the big event tonight
Now's the time to clean the clothes
While hope is still in sight
Let us not go dirty
To the big event tonight

----------------------------------------------------------


                Neurology
                ---------

You  just don't get it
What it is ... well, you're not really sure
Your patient's head is held in a big vice
The patient's very secure

Veins in a spiral --  hard to observe
I know you get dizzy, but try not to cut that nerve
With the sharp scalpel you make a wrong thrust
Waiting for rescue, and I know that you just
Don't get it
You just don't get it

Neurology -- Biology
It's just Oncology -- Histology
It's just Pathology -- Serology
It's just Biology -- Neurology

You just don't get it
The patient is about to die
You won't get a paycheck -- forget it
The hospital is asking why

Heartbeat is random -- the pulse takes a dip
The knife sure is slippery but try not to lose your grip
With the sharp scalpel another wrong thrust
Blood gushing out, and I know that you just
Can't stop it
You just can't stop it

BEEP!
Blood pressure fell, this one won't get well
He will not be in debt to you
BEEP!
Sweat running cold, relatives must be told
They're a personal threat to you
BEEP!
Another one dead from a blow to the head
But don't let it get to you
BEEP!

----------------------------------------------------------

	"Rockline"

He's got a crapload of adverts
A radio fix on the stars
All along the airwaves
She's got the latest Rolling Stone
A picture book of the posers
Playing the Sahara*				*Famous Vegas casino

The travel in the time of the profits
On invisible airwaves promoting beer-drinking as fun
Like losers and bozos, and the witless part of everyone
They're only at home when "Rockline" is on
"Rockline" is on

The band has the intelligence of balsa wood
A list of cheap groupies
All along the tour
They'll throw your sister out on her ass
After she delivers a decent blowjob
Lead guitarist with his pants down

They travel on the road to the Grammies
A highway of album sales that the interview brings
Like losers and bozos, lip-synching means that nobody sings
They can only perform with their tape machines
Tape machines

When fans are dumb
Wandering the face of the dial
Asking the same questions with an asinine smile
We're learning that Bob Coburn is too dull
For an unlimited time

"Why don't you play all your old stuff?
 What does YYZ stand for?
 Why was John Rutsey shitcanned?
 Will Geddy play at my bar mitzvah?
 What's Alex's favorite color?
 Was Neil influenced by Ayn Rand?"

The microphone is manned by a buffoon
If I had my way he'd be given the boot
Like Jimmy and Tammy, he's in it only for the loot
He's only at home in a leisure suit
A leisure suit

He travels on the road to the next show
On a primetime pathway straight to Heart and Bryan Adams at #1
Like Collins and Petty, and the Top 40 part of everyone
If I'm only at home it's with a CD on
FM's gone...