HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Keys and psychological aspects
From: quirke_a@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
Date: 20 Nov 92 12:43:59 NZST
Followup-To: alt.angst
Distribution: world
Organization: Welligton City Council, Public Access.
Summary: my $0.02 worth (and overpriced at that)
NNTP-Posting-Host: kosmos.wcc.govt.nz

llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:
> 
> rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) writes:
> 

>>i'm terrified of losing my keys. of course, part of it is the
>>$2000+ fine associated with having to rekey the entire observatory, along with
>>kitt peak, the MMT, and mount lemmon, but part of it is just irrational...i
>>won't be able to get into my house, i'll be left out in the cold (yeah, it's 
>>only 68f here, heh), and so on...
>>
>>so i always keep 'em in my pocket. along with my knife.
> 
> this whole key thread fascinates me. i'm notorious for *always* losing
> my keys. i prefer to keep several sets around; by the time the last
> set is lost, the first has been found.

   VERY interesting. Up 'til about 3 years ago, I had a habit of losing keys,
but then I was given a keyring by my mum, which I value a bit seeing as she
is no longer resident in this country.
   So I developed the habit of keeping them in my pocket, and checking on them
or playing with them every few minutes or so, just to see they were still
there, and not on the verge of falling out.
   By some strange coincidence, it was also about this time that I started
developing a bit of self-confidence, and adopting some idiosyncratic (sp ?)
habits which made me more like I always saw myself, instead of someone
displaying what he thought others wanted to see. Turns out that I think I'm
more interesting now than I was then, despite more of my (many) flaws coming
to the surface.
   A bit of self-confidence is a wonderful thing.  

> marmoset said something about losing keys as an avoidance of
> responsibility, normalcy, stability?  maybe it's a way of feeding 
> into the whole dependency/take care of me cycle.

   Not in this case. More a habit of not concentrating on what was going on 
around me.

Tony Q.
no .sig, no .worries
From: rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: a cure for angst?
Date: 17 Nov 92 21:25:31 GMT
Organization: University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ

In article <1992Nov17.142509.2374@gacvx2.gac.edu> emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp) writes:
>>> carl_aude (carl_aude.nesbmail@qmgate.larc.nasa.gov) wrote:
>>> 
>..
>>> i want passion. i want to consume and be consumed. i want to feel, even
>>> if feeling means being in pain a lot. the painful parts are horrible,
>>> and sometimes i think i'm going to die, but when the ecstasy hits, it's
>>> real and amazing and i wouldn't miss it for the world. turning off my
>>> brain and ceasing to think and dropping into a warm gray world of
>>> religious certainty would be worse than death.
>
>Actually, 1) everyone has a religion  (M. Scott Peck, _The Road Less Traveled_)
>	  2) not all religions are "blind faith" or "certain."
>	      ex: _your_ religion.


also, in case this is important, sine nomine (deb martinson) wrote that 
paragraph if i'm remembering correctly. 

ObAngst: i had a lunch date today, and i was constantly feeling as though 
the guy believed i was a complete loon and/or impostor. i can't think of 
why. does anyone else have these feelings of being a fake, or that everyone's 
going to somehow 'find out' that you have no business doing what you're 
doing, or being who you are?

bah.
--
		-just give me what for,
	rachel perkins =  rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu
      "Chastity..the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions...."
					-Aldous Huxley
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: despair@netcom.com (Scott Hanson)
Subject: Re: inconsequential
Keywords: aaagghh.
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 22:46:32 GMT

There are few things as terrible for me as this.  Feeling such rich potential
and no worthy or interested individuals to share myself with.  Although I
am satisfied with my life there is a sense of being thwarted by a lack of
acknowledgement.  Then there is the continual insult of others ease and lack
of respect for what is sacred for me.

Regards
-- 
Scott Hanson		This has been a recording.
despair@netcom.com
From: rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: alt.suicide.fantasy.interpretation, anyone?
Date: 16 Nov 92 23:01:21 GMT
Organization: University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ


that's interesting. again, i'm angstful about being completely the opposite to
anyone i know..i'm terrified of losing my keys. of course, part of it is the
$2000+ fine associated with having to rekey the entire observatory, along with
kitt peak, the MMT, and mount lemmon, but part of it is just irrational...i
won't be able to get into my house, i'll be left out in the cold (yeah, it's 
only 68f here, heh), and so on...

so i always keep 'em in my pocket. along with my knife.

ObAngst: i can't get rid of this headcold. earlier last week, i couldn't 
talk. now, i can't hear, my ears are so stuffed up. is this symbolic of a 
communication problem i have? i'm waiting to go blind, or have my hands 
paralysed....

bah.

--
		-just give me what for,
	rachel perkins =  rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu
      "Chastity..the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions...."
					-Aldous Huxley
From: zlsiida@fs1.mcc.ac.uk (dave budd)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: about 'naked' nightmares
Date: 20 Nov 92 10:06:15 GMT
Organization: Manchester Computing Centre

In article <BxtBtv.2qH@acsu.buffalo.edu> v026ltr5@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (Monty) writes:

>In article <kwi.29@postman.hsn.no>, kwi@postman.hsn.no (KLAUS WILLIAM WIK)
>writes...
>>I bathed in below zero'C/32'F water, Ice still drifting by.(icecream stick 
>>to my string)

>I don't know much about physics, but is it POSSIBLE to have water
>below 0C? I hate to nitpick someone else's angst (okay... actually,
>I love it), but I have to know the answer on this one.

There are a few ways to get water down to 0 or below without it turning to 
ice: the simplest is to have it moving, like in a river or something.
I think.


  From the UK phone book Yellow Pages:  BORING - see Civil Engineers   

  Dave Budd, MCC, Oxford Rd, Manchester, England   (44|0)61-275-6033  
  D.Budd@mcc.ac.uk                                          fax 6040
Xref: sparky alt.angst:4403 alt.suicide.holiday:2799
From: llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst,alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: alt.suicide.fantasy.interpretation, anyone?
Date: 19 Nov 92 08:04:53 GMT
Followup-To: alt.angst
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5


rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) writes:

>that's interesting. again, i'm angstful about being completely the opposite to
>anyone i know..i'm terrified of losing my keys. of course, part of it is the
>$2000+ fine associated with having to rekey the entire observatory, along with
>kitt peak, the MMT, and mount lemmon, but part of it is just irrational...i
>won't be able to get into my house, i'll be left out in the cold (yeah, it's 
>only 68f here, heh), and so on...
>
>so i always keep 'em in my pocket. along with my knife.

this whole key thread fascinates me. i'm notorious for *always* losing
my keys. i prefer to keep several sets around; by the time the last
set is lost, the first has been found.

marmoset said something about losing keys as an avoidance of
responsibility, normalcy, stability?  maybe it's a way of feeding 
into the whole dependency/take care of me cycle.

--
sine | deb
now if i could just figure out what losing hairbrushes means...
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: mrf12@cus.cam.ac.uk (Marcus Frean)
Subject: Re: Is this love, or just a dead heart??
Organization: U of Cambridge, England
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 12:49:00 GMT


>>>
>>>Back when I was younger, if I met a woman, my enthusiasm and expectations
>>>would accelerate to warp drive.  Now I just say: "I'll wait and see."
>>>I'm too tired of it all.  
>>>
>>
>>This is the most angstful thing I've read in this newsgroup so far.
>>When even love fails to be exciting that is when things start
>>looking really bad.
>>[...]
>
>I agree!  Love should renew your faith a bit, accelerate your brain, put you 
>back in touch with your universe.
>
>-Jeanne

I dont. I read it the other way around (I dont know whether or not
this is how Steve saw it but anyway...) - I mean the fact that my
expectations would go through the roof when I met a someone was a real
hassle - it only meant endless trouble later on as the real person
slowly disentangled themselves (in my head) from the ridiculous bunch
of expectations I'd got in the first few times I met them. It just
seems to be a really unfortunate side-effect (makes it sound like a
medical condition...) of falling for someone that you "make them up"
at the same time. You generally make them up faster than you actually
get to know them, and then begins the process of undoing all that shit
to get at the real person, if you can be bothered. When I was younger
the whole thing was just a huge kick, and the fantasy expectations
part of that kick. Nowadays if I had a choice, and I'm not saying I
necessarily do, I'd rather skip all that. And you *do* have to undo it
all sooner or later. It takes so long, it usually hurts, and heck,
yes; I'm too tired of it all.

Or maybe I'm overstating it - I dont mean it's not exciting, not at
all.  It's just the unreality of it gets me down, because I know it
only spells trouble later on.

marcus.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: kovarik@martha.utcc.utk.edu (StMeechTheThwacked)
Subject: Re: Is this love, or just a dead heart??
Organization: Promise to clean off my grave once in a while?
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 23:48:24 GMT

In article <1eek6qINNm3s@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy) writes:
>
>In a previous article, smolin@physics.ucla.edu (Smolin) says:
>>In article <1992Nov18.054919.3206@utkux1.utk.edu> kovarik@martha.utcc.utk.edu (StMeechTheThwacked) writes:
>
>>>Back when I was younger, if I met a woman, my enthusiasm and expectations
>>>would accelerate to warp drive.  Now I just say: "I'll wait and see."
>>>I'm too tired of it all.  
>>
>>This is the most angstful thing I've read in this newsgroup so far.  When even
>>love fails to be exciting that is when things start looking really bad.  
>>[...]
>
>I agree!  Love should renew your faith a bit, accelerate your brain, put you 
>back in touch with your universe.
>
>Jeez.  If you can't get excited about love you might as well just shoot
>yourself now and get it over with... :)

Ain't nothin' in my Universe but blacktop and roadkill.  Maybe I've
been in Tennessee too long.....

						Meech
From: bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Is this love, or just a dead heart??
Date: 18 Nov 1992 23:39:06 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc10.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, smolin@physics.ucla.edu (Smolin) says:
>In article <1992Nov18.054919.3206@utkux1.utk.edu> kovarik@martha.utcc.utk.edu (StMeechTheThwacked) writes:
>>In article <1992Nov16.062132.5844@linus.mitre.org> sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay) writes:

>>>[possible love deleted...sorry...]

>>Maybe the engines really only "warm up" that first time you fall in love?
>>When you don't know what to expect?  Now you know or believe or expect
>>things may not last, so you prepare yourself for the worst by convincing
>>yourself that the whole thing isn't that important. Or you think you
>>know what to expect.  Maybe I am just a little too cynical.  
>>
>>Back when I was younger, if I met a woman, my enthusiasm and expectations
>>would accelerate to warp drive.  Now I just say: "I'll wait and see."
>>I'm too tired of it all.  
>>
>
>This is the most angstful thing I've read in this newsgroup so far.  When even
>love fails to be exciting that is when things start looking really bad.  
>[...]

I agree!  Love should renew your faith a bit, accelerate your brain, put you 
back in touch with your universe.

Jeez.  If you can't get excited about love you might as well just shoot
yourself now and get it over with... :)

-Jeanne


Keep us informed, eh, Steve?
From: bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: When Things Go Bump (was Re: a cure for angst?)
Date: 21 Nov 1992 16:37:08 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc10.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) says:


>no, i don't think you understood what i said at all. and i totally disagree
>with your statement that it is not possible to be insecure and sensitive
>at the same time. in fact, i think it's almost completely the opposite.
>there's nothing wrong with having some self confidence, but it tends to 
>make one less aware of how your actions may be interpreted as injurious to
>others.  

I believe I was thinking of myself, more than of you, when I said that
security and sensitivity go hand in hand.  At times in my life when
I have felt very insecure, I have not had the capacity to be really sensitive
to others, which during the relatively secure periods I am better able to
do (although still not all that well, obviously).  Maybe this is just me.

>but most of my concern lies with making sure others are not
>hurt by my actions. you have probably heard the story of how my parents 
>are so antique as to believe women should not go to college, but instead
>marry young and have children and be protected from education. now, i know
>they are wrong, but i also know that it hurts them to see me here, because
>they don't think this is what'll eventually make me happy. and that in turn
>hurts me, because i see my mother cry, and wonder what she did wrong when
>she raised me. also my 'modern' view of sexuality affects her a lot. this is 
>where the 'internal struggle' comes in. i know what's right for me, and i 
>know my parents are living in the middle ages, but i hate HATE to see my
>mother hurt so. this adds to my insecurity, and on bad days, i even consider
>going home and meeting the eligible bachelors she has lined up for me. (even
>though i'm now damaged goods.) 

I see no point in being really really sensitive with people who do not
reciprocate.  Sure, you don't want to be a real jerk or anything, but why
go nuts trying to please people who aren't meeting you halfway?

Admittedly, this can be very difficult when said people are your parents.
And obviously you've determined that what you want or need is important,
or you wouldn't be where you are now.  But I believe that people who are
mature attempt to accept the fact that other people have different life 
goals, and that what makes one person happy may not be right for another.
I truly do sympathize, you don't want to hurt them, but, again, I don't 
think you owe it to anybody to make all of the effort yourself, while they 
rigidly adhere to their own ideas.

I am not attacking you personally, I just don't buy your argument.  I
apologize if this seems rude, but I think that the feelings you describe 
smack a lot more of guilt than of sensitivity to the needs of others.  
And that's a whole different angst!

-Jeanne
From: ST201026@brownvm.brown.edu (nathan marsh)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: When Things Go Bump (was Re: a cure for angst?)
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 13:58:47 EST
Organization: Brown University - Providence, Rhode Island  USA
NNTP-Posting-Host: brownvm.brown.edu
News-Software: BNN via BNN_POST v1.0 beta

In article <1992Nov17.212531.11076@organpipe.uug.arizona.edu>,
rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) said:
>
>ObAngst: i had a lunch date today, and i was constantly feeling as though
>the guy believed i was a complete loon and/or impostor. i can't think of
>why. does anyone else have these feelings of being a fake, or that everyone's
>going to somehow 'find out' that you have no business doing what you're
>doing, or being who you are?

Fear that someone "knows", I think, usually comes from inside and is projected
onto other people.  That is, you feel fake and out of controll, and fear that
it must be obvious to other people.

So what?  If they can recognize the signs, they've probably felt the same
way themselves at some point.

I remember hearing some comedian talking about how adults really have no
idea what's going on, even when we dress in suits and carry breifcases.  He
described two guys talking, and one asks "Say, Bob, do you have any idea
what we're doing?"  and the other one says, "We'll, we've got these
breifcases and I bet there's something important inside.  And I bought new
shoes yesterday..."

When you're a little kid, (and not in an abusive and disfunctional family),
you look at your parent(s) and think, "wow, they know everything, they have
the solutions to *any* problem."  Part of growing up is realizing that we're
all just making it up as we go along.

Part of the reason why we crave relationships is because we can fool
ourselves into thinking our SO has a clue, is in control, etc, much like
we viewed our parents when we were little kids.

Except that I've always been the one with the clue, the one with answers.

So when Things Go Bump In The Night, who's gonna comfort me and tell me it's
all right, huh?

 -There's nothing real, just a coat of fuzz...
--
 -nathan marsh
 -st201026@brownvm.brown.edu
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: kilroy@acme.gen.nz (earthbound misfit, I)
Subject: Re: Keys and psychological aspects
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 92 11:54:01 GMT
Organization: ACME BBS - Public Access Usenet, Palmerston North, New Zealand

quirke_a@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz writes:

> llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:
> 
> > rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) writes:
> > 
> >>i'm terrified of losing my keys. of course, part of it is the
> > 
> > this whole key thread fascinates me. i'm notorious for *always* losing
> > my keys. i prefer to keep several sets around; by the time the last
> > set is lost, the first has been found.
> 
>    VERY interesting. Up 'til about 3 years ago, I had a habit of losing keys,
> but then I was given a keyring by my mum, which I value a bit seeing as she
> is no longer resident in this country.
>    So I developed the habit of keeping them in my pocket, and checking on them
> or playing with them every few minutes or so, just to see they were still
> there, and not on the verge of falling out.

This is interesting. I've always been paranoiacally (?) obsessed with knowing
at all times the exact whereabouts of my keys. I'm sure this implies something
Significant about my personality. (BTW suggesting I'm paranoid is a no-brainer
and doesn't win you any prize. I *know* that).

I currently have a massive keyring for all the keys I have at work, it's most
effective at wearing holes in my pockets.

						- k
-- 
Craig Harding            kilroy@acme.gen.nz             ACME BBS +64 6 3551342
"Jub'er lbh pnyyvat n obmb?"
From: senx0002@student.tc.umn.edu
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: inconsequential
Keywords: aaagghh.
Date: 22 Nov 92 00:11:57 GMT
Organization: University of Minnesota

I am alone.  I CANNOT stand it any more.  Just one person has been interested
in me since spring of 1990.  She was, unfortunately, the wrong sex for me.
The person I thought about being interested in already has a girlfriend (or
two(?)).  To the best of my knowledge, I am not that repugnant.  But I
suppose there must be something wrong with what they see.  Convincing myself
that I really don't need anyone, or that I'm better off without them, only
works for a very short while.  But maybe I'm just fine by myself.  Who
needs other people, anyway?  I am strong.  They do not understand.  And
they probably never will.  So I will remain alone.  How unfortunate.

I hope my bitching hasn't offended you.  I really don't hate everyone.

Maya
From: llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Is this love, or just a dead heart??
Date: 19 Nov 92 07:40:19 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

kovarik@martha.utcc.utk.edu (StMeechTheThwacked) wrote:

: Maybe the engines really only "warm up" that first time you fall in
: love?  When you don't know what to expect?  Now you know or believe or
: expect things may not last, so you prepare yourself for the worst by
: convincing yourself that the whole thing isn't that important. Or you
: think you know what to expect.  Maybe I am just a little too cynical.

i dunno. my first "love," the guy i married, was increidbly low-key. i
had a fairly torrid affair right before i moved here, but that was
followed by a series of really quiet involvements. then i started
dating the guy i tend to think of as my major ex, and it was like i'd
never quite understood the concept before. lotsa smarm, lotsa
burbling, lots of euphoria.

after that breakup, i thought i'd definitely burned out whatever part
of my brain produces that. i dated half-heartedly and even fell in
"love" again, but it was like a business transaction: calm,
controlled, reasonable.

now i'm back to the incredible ecstatic rush again. and even though
things are settling into a sort of "reality intrudes and we learn to
deal with each other as real people" phase, that excitement and joy
and wonder at our luck is still there.

so maybe sometimes as you get older you get more prosiac, and with the
ex, i'd known him for ages before the chemistry was there, but
sometimes it still happens all at once.

--
sine | deb
or, of course, i'm a mutant.
(and, btw, it was definitely worth the wait.)
From: bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: When Things Go Bump (was Re: a cure for angst?)
Date: 20 Nov 1992 23:08:50 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc4.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) says:

[...]
>it's a child of responsibility. because i was taught so far back
>that to be responsible is to care what other people are thinking, especially
>of you. and so now, i constantly look over my shoulder.
>
>i have a constant battle going on inside me, the battle between doing what 
>i want to do, and doing what other people think i should do. i see other
>students my age and younger without a care in the world, who couldn't give 
>a shit about what they're doing to hurt their parents, or their SO, and
>i half wish i could be that callous. but i can't. and instead i'm considerate
>to a fault, enough to hurt myself rather than hurt another. how can a person
>not care? i undertand that it's cool to be detached, but this is ridiculous.
>has society programmed all of the younger generations to take and not give,
>look out only for number one? 

There's a big difference between caring what people think of your actions,
and taking the responsibility of ensuring that your actions are sensitive
to the needs of others.

The first stems from some sort of insecurity.  (Don't get me wrong, I've
got it, too.)  The second, that of being sensitive, is possible only as a 
result of security and some inner strength.  The action of being sensitive 
to others strengthens you, reinforces your positive self-image.  Fretting 
about what others think reinforces the idea that what they think of you is 
more important than what you think.

-Jeanne
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: behrenss@hphalle6.informatik.tu-muenchen.de (Soenke Behrens)
Subject: Re: The cynic
Organization: Technische Universitaet Muenchen, Germany
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 08:28:09 GMT
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL7]

ucw@vax5.cit.cornell.edu wrote:

[Self-pity deleted. I could not detect cynicism, though ;-)]

Go and have someone prod you with a sharp stick. That should help you getting
back to your senses (in the very meaning of the word };-) ).

Soenke