From: ahelmers@umiami.ir.miami.edu
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Two year old tantrums, vomiting, and bedtime
Date: 23 Jul 92 22:37:15 EDT
Organization: Univ of Miami IR

In article <22682@oasys.dt.navy.mil>, dsegelho@oasys.dt.navy.mil (Diane Segelhorst) writes:
> First to set the stage:  My son Brad is almost two.  He has always been
> a very intense little boy, with very intense emotions.  We have been
> having some tantrums, but pretty much the normal terrible two stuff.
> We also have a new baby, 5 weeks old.  The tantrums have gotten a little
> worse since she was born, but mostly due (I think) to frustration at
> me for not picking him up (I had a c-section) and not necessarily jealousy.

[Story of her son's problems with tantrums, getting to sleep and throwing up]
> 
> My questions:
> 
> - is the vomiting truly related to the tantrums, or should I take him
> to the doctor to rule out other problems.

Can't answer this one; have you called your ped.?  I'd suggest you check it
out, but it seems likely it could be related to the other problems.

> 
> - Is this sibling rivalry showing it's ugly head?  The baby is so good,
> and sleeps so much, that Brad reallydoes get most of my attention during
> the day.
> 
I'd say probably.  Related to all those people who tell you about how they
never felt better than when they were pregnant...or the ones who talk about how
their baby slept through the night at one month...are all the people talking
about how their older child just LOVED the new baby, and NEVER had any
problems.  Phooey on that! :)  Just to let you know Diane, I had a perfectly
awful time of it also the first few months after my second child was born.  For
one thing, IMO it doesn't matter how much actual time you think you are still
spending  with child #1, he is consumed by jealousy of this new baby that has
suddenly showed up and taken some of mommy (in particular) and daddy's
attention.  I think it takes the older child, when young like this, quite a
while to come to accept that the baby is here to stay and that they are going
to have to make the best of it.  

My son (who was almost 3) started having what we called "pushme-pullyou"
tantrums.  He would scream for me to come into his room.  When I appeared he
would start hitting me and scream for me to get out!  As soon as I left the
room we would loop back to "come here" and proceed from there.  And this was at
full volume, tears, fists, etc.  And then there was the sudden development of
a homing device that told him, no matter where he was, just the best moment to
come barreling into the room where I was finally getting the baby to
sleep...just in time to shock her into another hour of crying.

Ah, memories.  I realize this hasn't helped much so how about some suggestions:

1.  If possible, get some help.  If you have anybody that your son loves
spending time with maybe he/she can come over and get him outside to run off  
some energy.  Or if you can have someone watch the baby maybe you and your son
can go out for some special outing.  For a few months my son and I had a
standing date every Sunday for breakfast out.  It was really poignant; he was
always on his best behavior and I came to treasure those moments.

2.  Try very hard to keep repeating the parent's mantra:  it will pass, it
will pass.  My baby is 9 months old now and things seem to get better and
better.  Older brother will resign himself to the fact that the baby is staying
and of course he is growing too--that helps in itself.

3.  GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!  It can be something so simple.  I used to go
grocery shopping alone, and just to be able to walk around without a baby or a
toddler was so refreshing.  Better yet, maybe the library or just a walk around
the block.  But don't forget to recharge your own batteries.  I felt guilty
about this for awhile then I realized that in many ways my mood set the tone
for the whole family.  So it is a benefit for all of us if I'm not wound tight
enough to snap :).

4.  Try to laugh.  I remember one night the baby was wailing, my son was
screaming, and I just broke down and bawled too.  Whereupon my husband came in
beaming and announced that he supposed he was going to have to replace the
whole crew!  I guess you had to be there, but it broke the ice and once I dried
my tears and smiled life didn't seem so bad.

5.  Repeat suggestion #2...repeat suggestion #2...repeat suggestion #2.

Ann Helmers
Newsgroups: misc.kids