From: ali@tcs.com (Ali Ishtiaq)
Subject: Re: Our attitude towards homosexuality
Organization: Teknekron Communications Systems Inc.
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1992 23:22:05 GMT

In article <1992Jul28.111831.20674@newstand.syr.edu>, fahmed@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Famin Ahmed) writes:
|> Dipen, congratulations to your friend.  i have nothing but the utmost
|> respect for him (since you mentioned that he was gay, i assumed that he's a
|> he...), he has made a move that is difficult in any society.  i am just as
|> curious as to how bangalis in general react to his marriage.  personally,
|> i think it's wonderful, i think that one should marry whom one wants (okay,
|> let's not get into the arranged marriage discussion again, we've been over
|> it before, and i think that that's a different situation) despite race, 
|> religion, class or sexual preferences. but then, i've been called an idealist.

Well, it is indeed a pleasure to receive congratulations from someone I don't
even know. It does warm my heart though to know that theres one more Bangladeshi
who is supportive. I got "married" last June to my male partner of 6 years. The
reaction among Bangladeshis have been mixed. Among the Bangladeshis who I have 
been in touch with during the last few years, almost everyone has been 
supportive. However among others who I barely know, I have heard that they were
pretty upset (though I can't figure out why my wedding should upset them.).
Even before the wedding friends (some very good friends) who I went to school
and college with in Bangladesh, have responded very negatively. While nobody
has said anything to me directly most of them have just avoided me and 
consequently I have avoided them. It is clearly their choice to associate with
whoever they please and I am glad that my homosexuality brought out in the 
forefront the prejudices that we don't share in common, and the strength of
such prejudices which can outlast childhood/adolescent friendships. It 
certainly made me think of the structural nature of a lot of Bangladeshi 
relationships in general, i.e. a general reluctance to examine sources of
discomfort and prejudices but to feel good by staying in the "norm" - but that's
a whole different topic.

In general I have found women (Bangladeshi and otherwise) to be far more
accepting of homosexuality than men. I believe thats probably because gay
oppression and women's oppresion share some similar characteristics - both
are a result of society's expectation of rigid gender roles. 

By the way, thanks for being an idealist; the world needs more people like you!
I wish you were at the wedding. It was a very powerful event for us, and a
very moving experience for most of the people (about one hundred) gathered
there to support us.

|> :} how do others feel about this? what difference has the presence of HIJRAHS
|> made in our society, compared to the western one? i studied the difference

Hijrahs mostly consist of transexuals and transvestites, though there are some
gay people too - I believe. They are accepted in our society in general mostly
stripped of their humanness and as objects of ridicule. In Hindu society they
are more accepted as they are believed to bring good luck and so are invited
at childbirth and wedding ceremonies to bestow their blessings. Hindu mythology
has a lot of references to homosexuality and some old temple carvings in 
Khajurao also depict gay love-making. There is a lot of discussion going on 
currently in the Indian press around homosexuality, but in Bangladesh it is
still a taboo topic. 

|> Famin  

Thanks for your comments.

- ali