HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: sasnla@shadow.unx.sas.com (Nancy Agnew)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: for Crystal - friends who are enemies
Date: 15 Sep 92 16:26:43 GMT
Organization: SAS Institute Inc.
Originator: sasnla@shadow.unx.sas.com


In article <BuI42z.29F@belay>, cryst@belay (Crystal Bell) writes:
>
>A "friend" of mine propositioned me the other day, I asked him what was wrong
>with his own girlfriend, (of three months) His reply really P___ed me off.
>He said "Because I value her too much." He was one of the first people who
>ever knew about my sexual abuse. and he still had the nerve to say that to me
>It really hurt. I was ready to Bag him but he lives right next door and could
>*VERY* easily make my life a living hell.  And probably would too.
>There is something bothering me but I don't quite know what it is do you know
>what I mean?

He said a really ugly thing and I'm glad you were pissed off.  If
he couldn't be more sensitive about this with you, well, he just
doesn't sound at all like a friend.  And if he *can* make your
life a living hell, it probably isn't worth blowing up at him --
you'd lose your own center and gain nothing from the disruption.
Can he just be ignored, or treated like a barely known neighbor (a
nod when you see him around town)?

I'm not sure I know what you mean about something bothering you, but
the guy's action was insensitive at best, maybe better termed as
disgustingly slimy.  There have been guys saying stuff like that
forever, it seems.  There probably always will be.  I'm glad you
challenged him by asking why he was approaching you.  That seemed
like a real positive thing to do.

best wishes
Nancy
-- 
Nancy Agnew                         sasnla@unx.sas.com
SAS Institute Inc,  SAS Campus Dr,  Cary NC 27513-2414
My company's opinions are not likely mine, and vice versa.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: joannee@sco.COM (Joanne Eglash)
Subject: Self-defense class?
Reply-To: joannee@fscott.UUCP (Joanne Eglash)
Organization: The Santa Cruz Operation, Inc.
Date: Thu, 03 Sep 1992 19:58:14 GMT


Has anyone taken a self-defense class, such as Model Mugging,
or perhaps something such as karate or other martial arts?
I am debating enrolling in a karate class, because I think that
the feeling of being able to fully defend myself against any
attempted assault would help me feel protected. I have a lot of
fears about taking that class, though, and going through what
I think would bring up a lot of memories. I'd appreciate hearing
from other survivors who have taken such courses ( or  are currently
enrolled) and how it has been for them.

Thank you very much,
Joanne
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Day 1, I'm alive.
Date: 11 Sep 92 14:48:05 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

I'm still alive folks...  And dead tired.  I'll give a full length post after
I've had some sleep, and worked the PARTIAL shift that I need to do.

(And last night I did *NOT* reach for the gun...)

So, if you sent Email to me, don't be suprised if it takes an extra day on the
return trip....

+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|Krikket              | krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us |USnail:3 Danada Square E.|
|a.k.a Doug Krick     | Team Star Charter Member   |       Suite 246         |
|Data # 708/665-9732  | #include<std.disclaimers>  |       Wheaton, Il 60187 |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again.(Who the hell is Mary anyways?)|
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Hints for SO's (Spoiler Warning)
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 05:20:10 GMT

hey, that was a really great post, "jaso".  i've taken the liberty of saving
it, because i think it has good faq potential.  feel free to mail me (you can
be assured i'll keep your identity in strictist confidence) if you would like
to discuss any of it.

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: anon-1135@twwells.com (Sunshine)
Subject: Newcomers & Support
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1992 21:29:02 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

   As a survivor of childhood physical and mental abuse, I gain alot from
reading this newsgroup.  Like Patrick, I don't have a history of sexual
abuse, but I do share many of the same feelings and problems as many of
the posters here.  It helps me to know that there are others out there and
it's good to hear of their progress and healing.  The support here is like
a breath of fresh air to me.  It's comforting to know that others know
what it's like to have had a childhood like mine.  I've worked through alot
of anger and lack of self esteem and I'm very happy with my life now.
Knowing how hard the "lows" can be, I wish all of you the best of luck
and want you to know that I'm pulling for your health, healing and safety.

   E-hugs to those who want them.  Good wishes for all of you.

                                             Sunshine



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton)
Subject: Re: Self-defense class?
Organization: Supercomputer Systems Division, Intel Corp.
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 1992 20:31:55 GMT




*************** Warning: Semi-Violent Fantasy of Revenge ********************





In article <1992Sep03.195814.27488@sco.com> joannee@fscott.UUCP (Joanne Eglash) writes:
>
>Has anyone taken a self-defense class, such as Model Mugging,
>or perhaps something such as karate or other martial arts?
>I am debating enrolling in a karate class, because I think that
>the feeling of being able to fully defend myself against any
>attempted assault would help me feel protected. I have a lot of
>fears about taking that class, though, and going through what
>I think would bring up a lot of memories. I'd appreciate hearing
>from other survivors who have taken such courses ( or  are currently
>enrolled) and how it has been for them.
>
>Thank you very much,
>Joanne 

Joanne,

	Though I am male and I may not have the experience you are asking
about, I thought I'd reply anyway since I studied Japanese Karate (Ryo Bu Ki)
for three years.  (BTW, I am a surviver of incest from both of my parents).
When I first went to college, I enrolled in a Karate class at school.  After
three years or so, I got my high blue belt, which isn't all that great.  But
one day at a tournament I got kicked AND punched in the jaw in the *same*
place.  Though nothing was broken, I decided it was too violent for me, 
especially with less advanced opponenets (out of control you see).
	Now for the intersting stuff.  I started therapy about two years
ago because my relationship was going to hell fast, due mostly to the sexual
abuse I suffered.  When I first broke the denial of the abuse, I was reduced
to a state of terror, which I kept mostly hidden.  Then one day (honestly)
the rage came.  At that point I knew that I physically could kill my father
(the main perp) and believe it or not, I got a lot of comfort from that.
The important thing to realize for me is that the fantasy of killing my 
father was/is just that: a fantasy.  At the present time, I have no contact
with my parents, and I think that if I ever do re-establish communication,
I will have to deal with all of this rage first.  That seems like the only 
way for me to stay safe.
	The only problem with my situation now is that while I have a high 
blue belt there's always going to be someone out there with a 2nd or 3rd 
degree black! :-)


Peter Warton
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
warton@ssd.intel.com

Mother Intel and I do not share opinions (as if I had to tell YOU that...).
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: nightmares
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 18:45:20 GMT

Jasmyne (anon-1201@twwells.com) wrote:

: i was talking to some friends of mine, when the subject of aura's came
: up. I asked waht mine looked like, naturally, and they told me it was a
: greenish color. What does green mean ? i asked.  it means that you're
: inthe process of healinf yourself, or that you're being healed by
: someone. oh i said.
: Funny thing is neither one of them know what i'm going through. Actually
: i had just met one this evening. Interesting eh?

I'm just getting caught up on stuff...sorry I'm so far behind... :)

Under certain circumstances, I can see auras.  They are a great diagnostic aid.
As for your comment on the Tarot, it, like yarrow sticks, the I Ching, etc.
are only tools designed to give you access to your subconscious, or to your
Higher Self.  Any system would work, if it's symbolic and has specific meaning
to you.  Hence, the practive of designing your own Tarot decks is gaining in
popularity.
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Survivor in denial?
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 21:06:04 GMT

Heart Dancer (barbaraj@csc.ti.com) wrote:

: separation was, and the original article has expired.  What I think I
: remember is that she may been somewhat abusive in the manner with
: which she set her boundary.  And in the aftermath, I found some of her
: behavior manipulative.
: 
: So what?  This stuff about relationships and setting boundaries is, I

I don't understand you.  Are you saying "so what if she's abusive and
manipulative"?

: think, the core of the healing work for most survivors of incestuous
: child abuse.  Because the patterns of communication we learned at an
: early age were so bizarre (is the polite way to put it.  F*cked up is
: the reality).  What I have learned in my incest survivors group is to
: meet each person where they are, and to trust that we are all working
: very hard to learn how to be more effective, more REAL in all of our
: interpersonal relationships.  

I agree, but most survivors go through periods of what some would call
"inappropriate behavior" - withholding communication is just one of the
tactics used to "punish" another person ... for being of the opposite sex,
for example.  Trust is so hard to learn to do when we shut out people
around us because we think our "needs" are so much more important --
not accepting the fact that our own perceptions might not be 100%.

If you want to be more REAL in your relationships, learn how to come from
your love -- not from your fear.  She is shutting out Scot because of her
fear, not because of her love for herself.  Someone asked me how I could
fault her for acting the way she did, and I responded "because she's coming from
her fear, and that's always an unhealty place to come from."

: Again, my opinion of her behavior in this situation is moot because I
: don't have any opportunity for (1) hearing her side of the story, or
: (2) interacting with her about her feelings and actions.  I certainly
: don't hold her blameless for the current situation.  There are
: consequences to her ineffective behavior, and she will have to deal
: with those consequences.  But I do trust that she is doing the very
: best that she knows how, given the knowledge and experience that she
: has.

As is Scot.  I see Scot being called "abusive" if he follows his heart.
He, too, is doing the very best he knows how to do, as are we all.
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: help
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 04:35:28 GMT

anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne) writes:

>Please, i posted twice but they havn't showed yet.....can anyone hear me?
>i need someone to talk to. why doesn't this thing work?

well, i don't know.  i seem to see all your posts.  bear in mind that posting
through the twells.com aps means that your posts have to get from you to that
machine's uucp link, sit there and wait for that machine to download them,
process them, then wait to be sent back out to the net where they then have to
percolate back to your site.  it can take a while.  anywhere, hang in there,
because i at least seem to be seeing your posts, which means that in all
likelyhood, everyone else is too.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: CHAPTER 3...
Date: 14 Sep 92 20:21:44 GMT

Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower) writes:
> In article <793XqB1w164w@penn.Gwinnett.COM> tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted d
> [...]
> >being a sorta usenett tech 0, HOW do I inform the local postmaster?
> >(send me e-mail on how)
> >and I will be more that HAPPY to do so-
> This ought to be general knowledge anyway, even if only to locate
> someone, whom you think is at that host.
        nope, I am using a server (am Not at a university or other
        tech literate place (heard about usenett from an ex aquataince,
        and well- sorta got hooked....!)

you are talking to the person who is just NOW figuring out how to copy and
delete files....(sigh/smile)
> post.master@penn.Gwinnett.COM
> Would get to *your* local post master, essentially it is the relevant
> full host name after the "@".
Cool! (see- you DO learn things by asking questions- so there!)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aw@sei.cmu.edu (Anne Wulffraat)
Subject: Re: inspirational writings, etc.
Organization: Software Engineering Institute
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 18:21:16 GMT


I don't know if inspirational is the word for it, but _Atlas Shrugged_ by
Ayn Rand turned my world around. She's not perfect, but she taught me that
it's not bad to worry about me. It's what I needed to stop spending my
life pleasing other people at my own expense.

:)

Anne


Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: post
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 18:10:04 GMT

root@khijol.UUCP wrote:

: Well, I can't say for sure why anyone does anything.  However, how long have
: you been asking that your SO not do these things?  You said "recently" you
: started therapy-are you sure that your SO has had time to change the
: behaviors that you have difficulty with?  Not knowing what the things are
: some may take some time and more than one request...  Maybe some more patience
: is required on your part. Do you see improvement on his part?  If not then

A lot of survivors seem to expect their SO's to change overnight, yet they
themselves will bitch and moan if anyone asks *them* to change, saying that
"change takes time", etc.  Sure, it seems like forever when every thing your
SO does pushes your buttons ... but remember, they're *your* buttons!  It's
difficult to change unconscious behaviors, especially when there seems to be
no rationale behind the behavior modification request (sometimes demand).

It amazes me how much slack some survivors want others to cut them, yet
refuse to let anyone else have any.  "Give me as much time as *I* need, but
I refuse to let you have *any* time - *you* *must* change NOW..."

: there may well be some difficulty ahead.  Are you giving HIM support when he
: does the things that you need (even if you are not in shape to tell him when
: you need the support, do you make the effort to let him know later that
: what he did was important and that you noticed)?  If not then try this and
: see if he remembers better.

A relationship isn't about the survivor always getting support from their
SO - sometimes the SO needs, too!  It's not a one-way street, and any survivor
who gets into a relationship, expecting to get all their needs met by some
wonderful mythical SO, while not putting out *any* effort to help their SO
through the rough times, too, is living in a dreamworld, and is going to
fall ... and fall *hard*.  I learned this lesson with a survivor - I supported
her as much as I could - but when the chips were down for *me*, well, that
was another story.

: Do you have a non-threatening way (preferably one that you agreed on beforehand)
: to let him know when he is doing the things that you feel drain your energy?
: It can be simple like a word or a phrase that is used when you REALLY need
: his support.  Have you reviewed with him what (and I mean specifically, with
: examples) it is that he has not gotten right quite yet?  Have you also been 
: fair and told him what he IS doing RIGHT?  This is important you don't want
: it to be one of those "you can only make mistakes" type conversations.

Some survivors seem to only be able to communicate in the negative. :(

: Taylor		khijol!twm@saturn.upl.com
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: TY.AU7@isumvs.iastate.edu (C. MARIE RIGGINS)
Subject: Re: Medication
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames IA
Distribution: usa
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 00:13:10 GMT

In article <krikket.7599@meltdown.chi.il.us>,
krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick) writes:
>
>This anti-depressant that my Doc has put me on is having some wierd effects.
>(Besides the aftertaste, constipation, and lowered sex drive...)  I'm able to
>remember things easier now, and I can't always control my sence of humor.
>
>Seriously.  I worry about saying things in jest that others will find
>offensive!  I've already found myself replying to a few posts here and then
>scragging my efforts (or in one case hastily deleting the message after it was
>saved, before the job could be sent out to the rest of the Net!)
>
>I don't mean to offend anyone, but I'm losing the ability to judge the
>approperiateness of when I should be completely serious.
>
>Hopefully, I'll get this worked out soon...  But meanwhile I'm going to be
>responding to fewer messages than I'd like to, and if I slip up and say the
>wrong thing, please forgive me!  I really am only trying to help!
>
>Oh hell, it looks like I'm making excuses here.  I don't mean to make any... I
>am still completely responsible for my actions, and I always will be.  I don't
>want to hide behind an excuse.  I'm just scared that I'm going to say the wrong
>thing, so I'm going to let this post fly out into the net against my better
>judgement.  Hopefully someone will understand what I am trying to say.
>
I understand completely, I'm not sure what meds you're on (I took
Tofranil or imipramine is the generic equivalent) but you'll get used
it.  My personal favorite side-effect was the lowered blood-pressure
thus dizzines when I stood up.  One thing I noticed after I started
taking the medication was I had more energy, and with that energy
came the stregth (physical and emotional) to say all the things that
I had kept inside while I was depressed (which was most of my life).
I used to drive people nuts!  I'd talk to anyone who would listen
about any subject and more often than not I ended up with my foot in
my mouth :) .  I gathered up my courage and made ammends to people I
had hurt (yes, I am in AA).
Once my initial burst of energy was over I was able to stop and think
about what I was saying before I said it.  I think after you get used
to the energy, you'll be able to "edit" your responses and comments.
Just be careful not to edit yourself into silence, everyone has an
opinion and a right to express it.  Our responsibility lies in
expressing our opinions appropriately.
I hope this helps and gives you some insight on the situation.
Marie :)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear)
Subject: 11:15 on a saturday night...
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 1992 06:13:09 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


I am in hell.  The Cure (whom I hate anyway) doesn't begin to cover it.

I am in my dorm room.  I have on;y been here since thursday and i hve
come to realize i must leave

i can't do this
i will probably lose my net connections so goodbye and thanks
i am soryr for the outburst it wasn't that I hated being spoken of
in the 3rd person,  it was that I hated having others state what I
was feeling and thinking.  The followups were really helpful thanks
everybody i am sorry i have been so...whatever.  i'll try to post bye



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery