From: nealhd@memstvx1.memst.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: An Old Letter
Date: 15 Dec 92 19:28:30 GMT
Organization: Memphis State University

My wife's grandmother died recently at the age of 89. Among her personal
effects was the following letter. It was on a typewriten carbon copy.
The actual date of of creation and authorship is unknown. I have tried
to reproduce it exactly as it was written - typos, grammar and spelling.
It's obviously one of the humorous pass-arounds of an earlier day.

==========================================================================
                                            R.F.D. #1
                                            Possum Gulch, Ark.

The Bakersfield Co.
St. Louis Ill.

Gentlemen:
	Just received your super heated letter in regard to the
bill that I owe you. You said you thought the bill could have
been paid long ago and didn't understand why it wasn't. I'll
tell you.

	In 1909 I bought an ox team, a timber cart, two ponies, a
breach loading shotgun, a wind tester. a $25.00 Colt revolver,
and two fine razorback hogs. All that on the damned installment
plan.

	In 1910 the mill burned down and didn't leave a damn thing.
One of my ponies died and I loaned the other to a son-of-a-bitch
who starved it to death. Then I joined the church.

	In 1911 my father died and my brother was lynched for
horse stealing, a railroader knocked up my daughter and I had
to pay $88 to a doctor to keep the little bastard from
becoming a relative of mine.

	In 1912 my boy got the mumps and they went down on him
and the doctor had to casterate him to save his life. That
summer I went fishing the boat tipped over and I lost the
biggest catfish I ever saw and two of my boys drowned;
neither being the one that was casterated.

	In 1915 my wife ran away with a fat nigger and left me
with a pair of twins for a souvenir. Then I got married to the
hired girl to cut down expences, but I had trouble getting her
to come so I went to a doctor and he advised me to create some
excitement about the time she was ready. So I took the gun to
bed with me. I stuck the gun out the window and pulled the
trigger, my wife shit in bed, I ruptured myself and the shot
killed the best cow I had.

	In 1916 I burned out and took to drinking, I didn't stop
until all I had left was a waterbury watch and kidney trouble.
Then all I did was wind my watch and piss.

	The next year I bought a manure spreader, a binder, and a
thrasher all on credit. A cyclone came along and blew everything
into the next county. My wife caught the clap from a traveling
salesman and my boy wiped his ass on a corncob that had rat
poison on it and some bastard nutted my best bull.

	At the present time, if it took a nickel to shit, I would
have to vomit. Yet you say you can cause me trouble. Your
trying to get money out of me would be like trying to poke
butter up a wildcat's ass with a hot awl, but mister, you're
welcome to try.
                                         Yours for more credit,
===========================================================================

What a hoot!  To think...that sweet old lady...Tsch! Tsch! Tsch!
But it does show that the more things change, the more they remain the same.
Only nowadays it's the BOFH or blonde joke list via a computer network.

oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo
oo1oo     Binary 4s all around.  And a "bit-bird" to you too!     oo1oo
oo1oo   ------------------------------------------------------    oo1oo
oo1oo    Some people don't know the difference between a grin     oo1oo
oo1oo    and a grimace.  /s/Dennis (nealhd@memstvx1.memst.edu)    oo1oo
oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo