From: ftlao@acad3.alaska.edu (OSSANDER LINDA A)
Subject: Re: The Anonymous Service: This Waiter Has A Fake Accent
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41.UAC
Keywords:   THANK YOU SALLY..
Organization: University of Alaska - Fairbanks
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 00:24:00 GMT

In article <1992Aug17.075130.26171@qiclab.scn.rain.com>, sallyb@qiclab.scn.rain.com (Sally Bowley) writes...
>In article <14AUG92.14067915.0031@UNBVM1.CSD.UNB.CA> Z57N000 <Z57N@UNB.CA> writes:
>>I tried to come forward in a public forum, and it backfired.
>>
>>I tried to make a report to the police a long time ago, and I wasn't
>>taken seriously (because i didn't run screaming out of the room
>>afterwards, said the female officer).
>>
>>I tried not to use names, but I didn't want anyone to be victimized any
>>longer.
>>
>>Anything I could say would be taken as manipulative.
>>
>>I'm sorry I caused all this fuss.
>>
>>I won't bother you any more.
> 
>this is *exactly* what i mean by you being manipulative. you suddenly
>reappear in the group with some very heavy things to say, then when
>somebody expresses a concern that they are uncomfortable with the
>manner in which you are presenting your information, you adopt the
>"i'm sorry. i was just..., i was only..., i'll go away" stance. how
>can most people fail to respond favourably towards you when you say
>things like the above? this very same thing happened a couple of times
>before, when it seemed like you weren't getting the attention you felt
>you wanted from us; i remember a couple of people asking you to
>clarify what it was you expected us to do/give you. it seemed to
>happen when we were involved in other things besides your issues -
>you once said you felt we'd abandoned you - a couple of days before, i
>had read 23 out of 31 posts pertaining to you. didn't seem like
>abandonment to me, but on the day you said this i guess there weren't
>as many posts for you. immediately the group was flooded with replies
>to you - people actually apologized for making you feel abandoned....
>you made people feel guilty. and so they stopped what they were
>discussing and focused on you again. well i refuse to be made to feel
>guilty by the above.
> 
>and i also want to state that i too, feel bad at what you have
>experienced in the last few months. my decision to comment on your
>posts, has no reflection on what happened to you, i'm merely concerend
>with the way you're going about it. i do not want you to leave the
>group; you are as welcome here as anyone, and if i can help your
>recovery in any way i will do my utmost as much as i can
>electronically. but i will not be drawn into channeling all of my
>energies into helping you and pushing my own healing aside. i will not
>be made to feel bad by you saying things like "i won't bother you any
>more" with the intent that everyone beg you to stay. 
> 
>another poster - joan i think (apologies if i've got this wrong, my
>server chewed up a load of stuff and i'm writing from memory)
>expressed her opinion of the situation very well when she suggested
>you start working on your recovery and move out of the victim role by
>deciding whether your actions and reactions are positive or negative
>in intent. if they are negative, then you will not break that
>parasitic cycle of abuse you referred to. 
> 
>as far as reporting or not reporting - rape is a crime and a rapist
>should be punished. we cannot punish the perpetrator in this group in
>the way that a perp should be punished. as far as legal ramifications
>go; you would have to go to court and identify the rapist, tell your
>story. as far as not having the strength to do this; if reaching into
>yourself and pulling out that extra reserve that we all have when we
>fight for something that we know is right, means stopping this 
>happening to someone else, then *find* that strength. i don't think
>you can stop it happening by scaring people fron using the anon  
>service, altho i understand your concern. and many anon posters don't
>have the courage to go non anon. this is the only choice they have -
>let's not take that away from them. you say anyone who di what was
>done to you should not be in such a position of power in a group like
>this. i agree - that person should be in jail. and you have the power
>to put him there. 
> 
>this said, i wish you peace and safety in healing. 
>sally

Thank You Sally You said it much better than I could...

                        -Linda-
                   FTLAO.ACAD3.ALASKA.EDU

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery