HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'Krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Let it end soon, please
Date: 28 Dec 92 17:43:23 CST
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

In article <Bzy5qB.IyJ@twwells.com>, anon-1280@twwells.com (ReachingOut)
writes:
>I wish I could believe this for myself. I don't, not at all. It will
>end when I die. Since I'm too weak and wimpy to kill myself, I'm
>resigned to live with this shit until my body finally gives up and
>breaks down in frustration. It's coming...I feel it. I hope it comes
>sooner rather than later because I can't take living with myself
>much longer. It's only just begun too, that's the hardest thing to
>face. Things can only get worse, and it's only just begun.

I'm reminded of a Beetle Baily comic strip I saw a year or two ago...  Beetle
ran up to Sarge and cried out "Come quick!  <Character name> is trying to
commit suicide!"  Beetle and Sarge run over to the other character, who's name
eludes me at this point.  When they get to him, he's puffing on a cigerette and
said, "I chose the slow sure method..."

And before the flames start rolling in, allow me to don my asbestos plate mail
armor and helmet...  <CHINK>  All in place, and allow me to state that I too am
a heavy smoker.  (2 packs per day.  Started when I was 13.)

>Please don't anyone respond to this. Kind words are wasted on me-I
>just don't deserve them. Give them to someone who has hope.

Sorry to dissapoint you, but we all deserve kind words, and I don't think that
they're being wasted on you!  Even if you choose to ignore them, they aren't
being wasted, for someday you may realize that you are worthy of them...

>ReachingOut (crap, what a lie. I want to change my name again so badly)

Well then, why don't you change you handle?

<><><><>
Krikket (a.k.a. Doug Krick)  ---  krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us
#include<std.disclaimers>    ---  an294@anon.penet.fi
anon-1214@twwells.com        ---  anon.77@pax.tpa.com.au

 "And the Germans killed the Jews.  And the Jews killed the Arabs.
  And the Arabs killed the hostages.  And that is the news."
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: WOMEN ABUSES!!!
Date: 2 Jan 93 22:49:13 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: stein.u.washington.edu

anon-1530@twwells.com (Mr Freud) writes:

>HAPPY NEW YEAR!???!!

>I don't know about you, but I didn't enter the new year happy!

>Some women are really able to destroy a man completly! I have been together
>with the same woman for two years, and I don't hope that I'll ever waste myself
>like that again!  It sure is my fault that I didn't walk out of our
>relationship a long time ago, but what can a man do, when he is madly in love?
>Ohh, sorry - this is the first note I write, and I'd like to be sure that it's
>anonymous, before I go on!

um, forgive me for asking, but what does this have to do with sexual abuse
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: anon.120@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: re: tired still
Date: 1 Jan 1993 05:33:37 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.120@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


And in post "tired still", anon-1317 writes,

>it is funny-- the guy that i told
>about the child abuse hasn't talked to me
>since-- which is unusual--  i guess he just
>didn't want to hear about it.

I'm not sure I understand the full story.  Was this guy a close friend 
of yours?  Was he someone you knew well or just an acquaintance?

He's probably got all his own issues to deal with. If he *is* avoiding 
you because of it, then Linda's right--it's better to know how he feels 
now than later.

but there are all kinds of other reasons he may be quiet around you. He 
may be wondering if he was abused.  He may be embarrassed for sounding 
so naieve in comparison to you.  He may just be worrying about a sick 
relative or an argument with his boss, even.

I know how you feel, thinking he's ignoring you, thinking it may be 
because of you.
I do that all the time.  And it so rarely turns out to be because of 
me.  My boss didn't say "hello" to me at the company party and I was 
convinced this was an indication that I was going to be fired (turned 
out she was just tired).

We've had our perps tell us our abuse was our fault.  We've had society 
tell us not to say anything about it.  And we've gotten so much in the 
habit of accepting blame that is not ours that we lay it upon 
ourselves.  We have to start breaking the self-blame habit somewhere.   
Do yourself a favor and start here.

Hm...maybe I should listen to myself sometime...
		--Aardvark

"I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it"
				--from Alice In Wonderland


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From: anon-1425@twwells.com (pathfinder)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: alone and sad ?
Date: 24 Dec 92 04:06:50 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Hi

This is a song which saved me many times when the times were rough,
maybe just maybe it can help someone of you out there.

                      TO ALL WHO ARE/FEELS ALONE IN CHRISTMAS
                             (i think of you)




LOVE AND ANGER


It lay buried here,it lay deep inside me.
It's so deep I don't think that I can
Speak about it.

It could take me all of my life
But it would only take a moment to
Tell you what I'm feeling
But I don't know if I'm ready yet.

You come walking into this room
Like you're walking into my arms,
What would I do without you?

Take away the love and the anger
And a little piece of hope holding us together
Looking for a moment that'll never happen
Living in the gap between past and future
Take away the stone and the timber
And a little piece of rope won't hold it together.

If you can't tell your sister
If you can't tell a priest
'Coz it's so deep you don't think that you can
Speak about it to anyone......
Can you tell it to your heart?
Can you find it in your heart 
To let go of these feelings
Like a bell to a Southerly wind
we could be like two strings beating,
Speaking in sympathy........
What would we do without you?
Two strings speak in sympathy.

Take away the love and the anger
And a little piece of hope holding us together 
Looking for a moment that'll never happen
Living in the gap between past and future
Take away the stone and the timber
And a little piece of rope won't hold it together

We're building a house of the future together
(what would we do without you?)
Well,if it's so deep you don't think that you
Can speak about it
Just remember to REACH OUT and touch the past and the future
Well,if it's so deep you don't think you can speak about it
Don't ever think that you can't change the past and the future.
You might not,not think so now
But just you wait and see-someone will come to help you.

-Kate Bush                          ("THE SENSUAL WORLD",(C),regards KB)



This song is deep inside my heart.

Hang in there,i mean it,things are getting better
we all need each other.

to anyone who needs one **HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS


Pathfinder



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From: rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: The Mask
Date: 3 Jan 93 04:45:33 GMT
Organization: UB


	Masks.  Well, everyone wears them, it's just that some people
realize that they do.  Many people are utterly asleep.  

	Congratulations on being awake.  Happy Pagan-ing.

"The captain says, 'excuse me ma'am,
the species has amused itself to death...' "

(:
E-Shrugs
Rick
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (ReachingOut)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Suicide songs that give me comfort 3
Date: 28 Dec 92 05:54:05 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Happy Rhodes
Rhodes Vol II


THE REVELATION


   There is no sun
   There's only moon
   It comes too late
   It comes too soon

         The only reality
          Isn't real at all

   There are no dreams
   There is no sleep
   There are no treasures
   For this little girl
   To keep

         The only reality
          Isn't real at all
 
   I know life
   Is a relative term
   And I won't live until
   I'm lying with the worms

          The only reality
           Isn't real at all
 
   There is no love 
   There is no peace
   There's only me
   And my beast

         The only reality
          Isn't real at all

         The only reality
          Is you and me

(c)1986 Happy Rhodes
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- 



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Re: *spoiler*  A Perp Flame
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 03:33:14 GMT

David,

Your post really touched me.  I, too, was sodomized by my mother as a
form of punishment.  I, too, was taught that it was not okay to be a
male.  I, too, have struggled with some of the issues you mentioned
in your post.

Much of your story is close to my own, so I find it hard to comment on
pieces of it -- I'm not sure what is my stuff and what is yours.

I just wanted to let you know that you were heard, and understood, and
not alone.

Thanks for posting.
-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: dnelson@icaen.uiowa.edu (David Nelson)
Subject: Re: Need some help on this, please.
Organization: Iowa Computer Aided Engineering Network, University of Iowa
X-Newsreader: NN version 6.4.19
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1993 06:55:26 GMT

an3243@anon.penet.fi (ben reitman) writes:

} when i was a senior in high school, some ten years ago, i slept
} with a woman who clearly hadn't wanted to, and was too drunk to
} really do anything about it.  to be honest, i was so drunk that i
} don't even know if we actually had intercourse.  all i know is
} that she was incoherent, occassionally telling me she didn't want
} to go all the way, and i was on top of her anyway.  i was
} seventeen, a virgin, drunk, and stupid.  i have regretted this
} incident, cried over this incident, ever since.  you see the next
} day she tried to kill herself with sleeping pills.

Well, you screwed up.  What you did was wrong and it hurt another
person badly.  But I hear you owning what you did and that is a
good thing.  So you are a person who did a bad thing.

In my experience, when I am overwhelmed with guilt and shame, it
is more difficult for me to change and grow.  In my opinion, the
best way to change is for you to forgive yourself and hate the
act.

By treating another human being as an object, you stole from her
a part of her humanity (control over her body), but you damaged
your own sense of humanity as well.  If it helps, put it in the
context of your age.  I remember doing irresponsible things at
the age of 17 that only by chance didn't harm others.

If you can't control yourself when you drink, then you have no
moral right to drink alcohol.  The courts may recognize that you
have diminished capacity and responsibility when drunk, but now
that know you are capable of hurting others when you drink, you
are totally responsible for taking that first drink.

It's been over 30 years since I was raped and I would *still*
like to hear my abuser acknowledge that what she did was wrong.
It's difficult to speak for another person, though.  Your victim
might or might not want to hear you own what you did.  She might
be far happier letting sleeping dogs lie since it's been 10 years
now.  In any case, if you *do* contact her, I'd guess that
(snail) mail would be the best way to preserve her sense of
safety - and be sure to let her know that you'll never seek her
out except this once to acknowledge your crime.
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'Krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Need help in helping a friend
Date: 28 Dec 92 17:21:23 CST
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

>       I guess my question is this; should I keep trying to get her to talk
>to a counslor? Should I try and get her to talk about it more myself? Should
>I just do what I'm doing now, that is, if she's upset, be there for her, but
>don't bring it up otherwise? Anyone have any other suggestions?

I'd recommend that you just continue to be there for her when she needs it and
not to bring it up otherwise.

I used to be in the same position you are in, and tried to "pressure" my SO to
see a counciler about her rape problems...  A bad mistake on my part.  Bad
enough to have her panic and end the relationship permanently.  (This was a
relationship that I thought was going to lead to marriage, it was just a matter
of time for us to be able to handle it financially...)

<><><><>
Krikket (a.k.a. Doug Krick)  ---  krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us
#include<std.disclaimers>    ---  an294@anon.penet.fi
anon-1214@twwells.com        ---  anon.77@pax.tpa.com.au

 "And the Germans killed the Jews.  And the Jews killed the Arabs.
  And the Arabs killed the hostages.  And that is the news."
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay.uucp (Crystal Bell)
Subject: sorry...
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 22:55:39 GMT

HI, Boy do I ever feel stupid! I seem to have lost *ALL* of the mail that I 
have received in the past week. I downloaded it and somhow while I was 
copying them into an edit-able file They seem to have gotten Deleted...
sorry about all that... anyhow thank you all very much for the letters. and
the support. The ones I received BEFORE christmas really helped.
Well... I'll get on with all the things I have to do.. 

E-HUGGS! for anyone who wants em!

Crystal


-- 
############################################################################**
Crystal Bell                     * If you don't like my opinions that's
E-mail Cryst%belay@uunet.uu.net  * your problem. Please keep ALL flames
                                 * to private E-mail. thanx
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1487@twwells.com (chinadoll)
Subject: hi again
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 01:36:54 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Hi!  It's me again.  I have taken some time off because all of this is
so emotional.  I can't seem to forget though (no matter how hard I
try)...

I wish I knew more facts.  I wish I could remember, and them I am so
scared.  If I remember everything, could I survive?  This group has
been so helpful.

 *****************POSSIBLE SPOILER***********************************


Now, I have a problem.  Right now, I am living with my SO, but in a few
days I have to move back to my parents' house.  I am going to live with
my father and brother again.  I am very scared and I am having many
nightmares.  I do not want to let them hurt me.  I won't let them
hurt me.  But how can I live there and live in constant fear?  I have
to live there (with my parents), because I will be student teaching
and I won't be able to afford to pay rent.  Anyways, I will be able
to read and post on netnews on the weekends, (when I visis my SO).
The whole situation sucks.  I do not want to be that scared little
girl again.

-Chinadoll



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From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: longevity of friendships.
Date: 28 Dec 92 06:09:05 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)

us christina peoples writes wonderfully about friendships:

Wow!  What a wonderful topic.  I mean, lots is sad, lonely, painful
stuff, but it is the stuff much of life is made from, because it's
also the joy, comforting, health-giving parts of relationships, too.

I've asked myself so much of the same questions myself, but haven't
articulated them.  Some of my general musings:

One old (ex)friend of mine (M) was the closest friend I'd had since my
marriage broke up.  She often stayed over, (practically lived on my
couch for a year), and it was wonderfully platonic.  This was just
before I started uncovering the abuse.  [With hindsight, I'd bet M.
is a survivor, and a multiple.  Our "kids" had lots of fun playing
along the way.]

The way M viewed friendships was as an investment.  At each moment,
you decide whether to invest more into the friendship.  This was
*real* scary for me (and I'm still not sure it's healthy), but it
slowly started to make sense.  M's point was that who knows what
tomorrow brings.  We really can't count on anyone besides ourself, so
we should take action only if it makes sense for us now, in this
moment. This was a hard, but good, learning for me, as I learned not
to sign up for doing things only because I wanted to please her.

It also awakened me to the reality that friendships can change
radically.  For example, a good friend of mine just got married, so we
don't see each other near as often, and the dynamics have naturally
changed.

So, I try to value each moment with friends now.  I try to keep good
boundaries, yet still accept what they are willing to give, and not
get emeshed myself.  It is hard hard hard work.  I usually err on the
side of isolating too much.

Like I said, I'm not sure if this is a healthy approach.  It could
well be the opposite swing of the pendulum from emmeshment that I need
to learn from.  But, it is a different way of viewing longevity...

>we keep being really scared of wanting too much, asking for too much from
>our friends.  we need to keep nice litlte lids and controls on them so
>they don't get too close, don't get too important, so I don't loose control.
>I don't have to control them, but I do have to control myself.  and when I
>get so scared, when my little ones trust somebody.  there is so much more
>potential from hurt, hurt both ways.  me and the friend.

Boy, this is the TRUTH!  I have gotten nailed (hmm, I have *allowed*
myself to get nailed) *big*time* when I haven't protected my "kids"
properly.  I still haven't learned how to parent them properly, and
until I do, they'll look outside for what they need, and get hurt,
because others expect to be dealing with an adult, not the kids...

>i so tired of being so fucking alone though.
amen.

-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (MelancholyChild)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: relationships
Date: 3 Jan 93 22:56:16 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

anon-1531@twwells.com (Stella Rico) writes:

cloister:
>>maybe it was just luck or maybe something in my attitude (desperation?)
>>changed when i gave up looking, because that's when i found my s.o.  

>  Me too.  And it happened very out-of-the blue.

I can add my voice to this because it happened to me too. My SO and I
have been together for over 10 years. (We met through a newspaper ad
too, though not a Singles ad.)

MelancholyChild



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1428@twwells.com (stone)
Subject: this is my test
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 22:57:57 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Just making sure of some stuff.



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: dnelson@icaen.uiowa.edu (David Nelson)
Subject: Re: *spoiler* A Perp Flame
Organization: Iowa Computer Aided Engineering Network, University of Iowa
X-Newsreader: NN version 6.4.19
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 04:54:04 GMT

Thanks for the acknowledgement regarding my post.

If you'd like to correspond, I would be grateful for that.

Your friend in healing,
Dave

**********************************************************************
*     Any attempt to impose        David L Nelson (Screaming Fist)   *
*     your will on another            dnelson@icaen.uiowa.edu        *
*     is an act of violence.           anon-1454@twwells.com         *
*        -Mahatma Gandhi               an1096@anon.penet.fi          *
**********************************************************************
From: anon.106@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: We are somewhere else
Date: 22 Dec 1992 10:43:59 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.106@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


Here I am from somewhere else.  I thought I had found a safe way
to ASAR.  Now I am unsure.  So I've been quiet a long time.  Too
bad to feel I needed to change.  I liked my former anon name, but
now I think I'll just sign myself

Chris

I'm just testing this to see what happens.  A bit like life, in
the abuse lane .  .   .


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