From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Religion and a Support System
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 22:16:37 GMT

anon.95@pax.tpa.com.au wrote:

: I happen to be a devout evangelical Christian. I'm also a struggling
: abuse survivior. The two are not incompatible at all in terms of my
: personal faith, but seem to be totally incompatible in terms of me
: finding people in the church who I can relate to.

Common problem.  Many people in the church share the view that if you are having
problems, then you are "in sin" and should be shunned.

: Let me clarify. I am not saying that I need to spill my guts to everyone
: and vice versa. But I long for friends who think seriously about their
: feelings, and who can share at times about their struggles (whatever they
: may be), and who are honest about having fears and needs. I very much enjoyed
: the EA (Emotions Anon), SA (Sexaholics Anon, Sex and Love Addicts Anon), ACOA,
: etc because people are real. However, because of my faith being so integral
: to who I am, I found it difficult to make friends, simply because by the
: nature of the group I felt bound to not bring up my faith either at the
: table or after, and there was a divergence of interests and approaches to
: things.

Often, Evangelical Christians tend to be narrow-minded, pushy, arrogant, and
intolerant of others' religious views and beliefs.  I am afraid that that is
what you may be running up against.  The belief that "Jesus is the ONLY way"
is very often automatically incompatible with other world views, and strikes
many as bigoted and intolerant.

: On the OTHER hand, in the church groups I've been in in this city, everything
: is surface; even during prayer requests, the requests are always for someone
: else; there seems to be some unwritten rule that says we all have to
: appear invulnerable.

Of course!  Job isn't preached in churches anymore, and so comes the belief
that if "God" is on your side, you are happy and smiling and full of joy and
all that stuff.  If you're not, there's something wrong with you and so you
must be "in sin" and so are shunned.  I hear Paul's influence coming through
loud and clear here. :(

: I'm not invulnerable, and for that matter God nowhere says that I am, and in
: fact I know (at least occasionally) that He loves me and understands the
: hurt I've been through. For that matter, no one is invulnerable. Why do
: my "brothers and sisters" pretend otherwise, or if they do know, why aren't
: others willing to admit their vulnerablities, even privately once in a while?

For leaders, especially in the church, there must be a sense of invulnerability
- after all, who would follow a "man of God" who was unhappy or who had
problems?  Churches are sometimes a popularity contest - who's "closer to
God", who's the "most spiritual".  The yardstick too often used is the yardstick
of perfection, of invulnerability.  "God is smiling on me, so I *must* be OK!"

: I'd love to find a Christian ACOA group, but they are very rare, and usually
: short term in nature (10 weeks or whatever). I attend a large university, but
: among all the ministries here on campus not one reaches out to hurting
: people specifically. Oh yes, there's also seem to be this rule that you can
: have a problem, as long as it's resolvable neat and tidy in a short period
: of time, whereupon you can give glory to God; I guess its assumed that
: God doesn't create problems that take longer than three weeks or so to solve
: 8-). Perhaps some people have been watching too many Movies-of-the-Week 8) 8).

Again, they don't preach Job anymore.  Pity.

: For those of you who do not share my faith, please forgive the content. I do
: hope there is someone out there who can relate to me on this.
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler