From: rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: When Things Go Bump (was Re: a cure for angst?)
Date: 21 Nov 92 00:07:15 GMT
Organization: University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ

In article <1ejr62INNs6b@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy) writes:
>
>In a previous article, rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) says:
>
>[...]
>>it's a child of responsibility. because i was taught so far back
>>that to be responsible is to care what other people are thinking, especially
>>of you. and so now, i constantly look over my shoulder.
>>
>>i have a constant battle going on inside me, the battle between doing what 
>>i want to do, and doing what other people think i should do. i see other
>>students my age and younger without a care in the world, who couldn't give 
>>a shit about what they're doing to hurt their parents, or their SO, and
>>i half wish i could be that callous. but i can't. and instead i'm considerate
>>to a fault, enough to hurt myself rather than hurt another. how can a person
>>not care? i undertand that it's cool to be detached, but this is ridiculous.
>>has society programmed all of the younger generations to take and not give,
>>look out only for number one? 
>
>There's a big difference between caring what people think of your actions,
>and taking the responsibility of ensuring that your actions are sensitive
>to the needs of others.
>
>The first stems from some sort of insecurity.  (Don't get me wrong, I've
>got it, too.)  The second, that of being sensitive, is possible only as a 
>result of security and some inner strength.  The action of being sensitive 
>to others strengthens you, reinforces your positive self-image.  Fretting 
>about what others think reinforces the idea that what they think of you is 
>more important than what you think.
>

no, i don't think you understood what i said at all. and i totally disagree
with your statement that it is not possible to be insecure and sensitive
at the same time. in fact, i think it's almost completely the opposite.
there's nothing wrong with having some self confidence, but it tends to 
make one less aware of how your actions may be interpreted as injurious to
others.  i do fret about what other people think, some of that is bad, as 
it doesn't allow me to be spontaneous very often, and occasionally scares 
me when i am. but most of my concern lies with making sure others are not
hurt by my actions. you have probably heard the story of how my parents 
are so antique as to believe women should not go to college, but instead
marry young and have children and be protected from education. now, i know
they are wrong, but i also know that it hurts them to see me here, because
they don't think this is what'll eventually make me happy. and that in turn
hurts me, because i see my mother cry, and wonder what she did wrong when
she raised me. also my 'modern' view of sexuality affects her a lot. this is 
where the 'internal struggle' comes in. i know what's right for me, and i 
know my parents are living in the middle ages, but i hate HATE to see my
mother hurt so. this adds to my insecurity, and on bad days, i even consider
going home and meeting the eligible bachelors she has lined up for me. (even
though i'm now damaged goods.) but i've not done it so far, even when i 
failed a physics test and thought i was useless at this stuff. so i'm not 
all that afraid that i'll ever do it. but the thought still occurs to me...

"hey, i _like_ cooking, and i'm interested in having children, and studying
is really horrible sometimes, and i feel so alone and out of control some-
times....maybe a husband, a stove, and a few children are just what's 
right for me..?" but then, none of the people i'd meet as someone's 'wife'
in that situation woul be able to talk to me about optical design, or 
adaptive optics, or medieval poetry, or...no. it's just not worth it. besides,
i can cook, and have children without giving up my identity and interests.

sheesh, it hapened again. internet diarrhea..sorry folks.

bah.

--
	          -just give me what for,
         rachel perkins = rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu 
       naked coed internet grep-always keep your link up!