From: sahai@cory.Berkeley.EDU (Anant Sahai)
Subject: Re: Perfect Families
Organization: University of California, at Berkeley
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1992 18:58:07 GMT

In article <1992Jul30.162812.17848@draco.macsch.com> rot@mickie.id.macsch.com writes:
>In article <4572@dove.nist.gov>, hira@cme.nist.gov (Ron Hira) writes:
>|> With the discussions about degree envy, one thing kept coming to mind.
	Degree Envy! I have heard many people discussing this
phenomenon. I have to say that I have NEVER seen this in my group of
friends and family either here or in India. Of course every parent is
proud of what his kids have accomplished, but it never becomes a case
of "my kid is better than your kid."

>|> Every Asian-Indian family that I meet likes to put on a front that 
>|> their family is perfect and that everyone in it is doing exceptionally
>|> well. Its like they'll never admit any faults to you, which is quite
>|> the opposite of what most white people I've met do. 
 
 I know that this is un-P.C. to say, but I think the reason "Every"
Asian-Indian family you meet acts like it is perfect (from your point
of view, compared to the white people you have met) is not only a
"front", there is some reality to it. 
 Based on my experience, I would maintain that Most Indian families in
the US ACTUALLY do not have that many problems. I know that out of my
very close circle of friends, everybody has basically a very nice
family life. No divorce, no substance abuse, no abuse. I think this is
just a consequence of the type of Indians that are generally in the
U.S. Mostly we consist of Engineers and Doctors from very nice
families. Couple that to a pretty strong value system and you end up
with pretty nice families.
I don't deny that there are some "fronts" put up. Why would any family
tell you their problems if they have NO really good reason to trust
you? I just don't want people to think that just because they don't
hear about problems, the problems must be being covered up. It is also
possible that the problems simply are not there.

>|>							This is one of 
>|> the reasons that I have trouble sustaining friendships with Indians.
>|> They never let their guard down, and you always feel like you're in
>   ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>|> competition with one another.
 Once again, I don't see this "competition" you are talking about. Do
you mean competition among the children? among parents? I don't
understand what you are talking about. Also, in my experience, there
is no competition between parents/kids...I mean no competition more
than what is found amoung whites.
>|> Do other asian cultures have similar problems?
>|> 
>|> Ron
>
>I agree that most Asian-Indian families put on a false front when you
>first meet them, but its not true that they never let their guard down.
>Indians let their guard down to people they trust. But it takes a long
>time to win their trust.
  I don't know about it taking a long time. When a new Indian Family
came into the neighborhood, we all welcomed them into our friend
circle pretty fast. Within a year, they were pretty much accepted like
family. 
>
>Rohit
>
>-- 
>#include <StdDisclaimer.h>
Anant

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