From: lisa@oneb2.almanac.bc.ca
Newsgroups: alt.child-support
Subject: Re: Pony Support (was Re: child support problems)
Date: 16 Dec 92 20:43:17 GMT
Organization: The Old Coot's (Spare) Almanac

harp@netcom.com (Gregory O. Harp) writes:


> shedevil@vix.com (Anne P. Mitchell JD) writes:
> 
> [snip]
> 
> >Third, assuming the father is capable of paying to help the child keep
> >the pony, and he knows how important it is to the child, and he
> >refuses to help, he is possibly a callous and uncaring person.
> 
> [chop]
> 
> I am speaking generally because I don't know the details of this case.
> I'm also not a father, much less a divorced one.  My parents aren't
> even divorced.  In other words, you may have considered the following,
> but the problems I see here are:
> 
> 1) What _else_ is the father providing for above and beyond simple
> necessity support?  Perhaps he's not paying for a pony because he's
> already bought and cared for a dog, four ferrets, and tons of toys for
> the kid.  Perhaps he's budgetted his extraneous expenses wrt this
> child to keep from smothering her with gifts (assuming he can afford
> to do so).

The guy isn't paying for ANYTHING other than the money he spends when he
has the girls with him; access I encourage, despite my severe difficulties
with him re: Child Support (or, lack of!)

> 2) What other family responsibilities does he have?  Assume that he
> has more children by another woman.  Can he afford to buy _all_ of
> them ponies and keep up with expenses?  What about the psychological
> affects on his other children of his buying a pony for this daughter
> and not for them because he can only afford one?

He has no other children/dependents. And, since you've apparently missed
the beginning thread of the subject at hand, the pony was already bought
and paid for before we split up, along with the hay, tack, etc..

> 3) Since when does a parent buy everything their kids ask for, even if
> they can afford it?  I'm certain that half of the Toys 'R' Us
> inventory would have been in my closet had my parents bought
> everything I asked for.
> 
My kids ask for  little, and receive even less, as I find it hard just to
pay the rent most months!

> 4) Does the father really want her to have a pony?  Maybe he thinks
> it's not safe for some reason.  Maybe he knows his daughter is just
> going through a pony "phase" and will eventually decide that she wants
> something else.  

He likes horses, was raised with them, was apparently very proud of our
daughter's accomplishments in the horse shows, etc. (not to mention her
undaunted dedication to caring for the pony...even carrying out buckets
of water to her, when the troughs froze, etc.), and furthermore, he actively
encourages her to enter local horse shows/rodeos when he has her during the
summer. His family are mostly "Rodeo People" and own several horses on the
B.C. mainland.  Actually, he doesn't see her much during the summer anymore
as he delivers her to her uncle's dude ranch for 2-3 weeks, where she works
cleaning stalls, etc., in exchange for saddle time.  His only complaint
about the horses we had when we were married, was that he hated fencing!

> Perhaps I've missed a lot of background in this particular case, but
> in general I would be extremely hesitant to pass judgement on a father
> and call him a cold-hearted jerk because he could afford yet did not
> buy a pony for his daughter.  As I've shown above, it's not so simple.
> 
> Of course, it's possible he _is_ a jerk.  Perhaps he has the spare
> money and he has been only sending the required support payments.
> Maybe he really doesn't care about the kid.  However, I find that the
> least likely set of circumstances.

He doesn't send the required payments, nor a fraction thereof, and he certainly
has the means to do so.  He does profess to care very deeply for our girls,
which, in his own pathetic way, I believe to be true. He simply seems unable
to grasp the concept that refusing to provide child support hurts our children,
though I think his intent is to hurt ME.  He just doesn't "get it".
> 
> However, under _no_ circumstances should he be required by the court
> to provide extra support so the kid can get a pony.  The courts aren't
> there to make that kind of moral decision.
> -- 
> That was really never the issue.

Lisa


lisa@oneb2.almanac.bc.ca (Lisa Lambeth)
                  The Old Coot's Almanac
               Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada
                    Courtesy the old coot hisse'f!
Newsgroups: alt.child-support