Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Remote (Taxpayer) Wallets vs. the Ovarian Nurturer
From: sbishop@desire.wright.edu
Date: 28 Sep 92 19:03:34 EST
Followup-To: misc.kids
 <Bv700u.5Jn@cs.psu.edu> <1992Sep27.055748.22337@cbnewsc.cb.att.com>
Distribution: na
Organization: Wright State University 

In article <1992Sep27.055748.22337@cbnewsc.cb.att.com>, kapa@cbnewsc.cb.att.com (k.a.perkins) writes:
> In article <Bv700u.5Jn@cs.psu.edu>, beaver@castor.cs.psu.edu (Don Beaver) writes:
>> In article <1992Sep26.062058.6404@cbnewsc.cb.att.com> kapa@cbnewsc.cb.att.com (k.a.perkins) writes:
>> >In article <1992Sep14.155912.8637@ll.mit.edu>, yasu@ll.mit.edu (Alan Yasutovich) writes:
>> >> In article <1992Sep13.232121.6139@pensoft.uucp> jac@pensoft.uucp (James A. Carter) writes:
>> >> >
>> >>

Much deleted to save band width.

>> >We pay big bucks to be parents, and diapers, school fees, clothes,
>> >food, or whatever you're giving to this person aren't free just
>> >because you all live together.  
>> 
>> No, but when you live together, you reap the benefits (clean, healthy,
>> well-fed, warm children).  When you live in another state, you reap
>> a bill.
> you, you, you.  What about your kids? Does it ever occur to you that
> they are reaping the benefits (being well fed, clean, healthy, warm)
> of your money, or doesn't that matter? Is it all the same to you
> whether they starve or eat, as long as you don't have to see it?
> 
> The thing that bothers me about this whole discussion is that it seems
> to be centered on what people need from being parents.  What about
> what kids need from their parents?  I became a parent because I wanted
> a certain experience, but I didn't have the illusion that I could send
> this kid back or get out of it if I didn't get the experience that I
> wanted.

Unfortunately too many people have the idea they can dump the kid on the
state when they get into some problems.  You would be appalled if you
were to talk to some of the social workers I have talked to.  The number
of people who call up Children's Services and say 'take my kid please' is
higher every day.  This is the Throwaway Generation, people who are used
to changing their car every year, moving to a new house every few years,
expecting the government to take care of their every need, also want the
government to take an unruly kid off their hands.
> 
> The statement that most closely expresses my attitude about parenting
> is:
> 
> 1) as a parent, I have obligations to my children to take care of
> their needs
> 
> or -
> 2) my children have certain obligations to me to take
> care of my needs and desires
> 
> I pick #1, what about you?  I love my daughter and I enjoy being her
> mother, but I remember being a child well enough to know that meeting
> my needs is not going to be her largest priority in life, nor should
> it.  Thank God (or whatever expression of relief/thankfulness/satisfaction
> that you prefer) that my parents and many other parents in this world
> do not abandon their children, either emotionally or financially,
> because they don't get what they want out of being a parent.
> 
> Kate Perkins

I wish my foster son's father could read this.  He managed to dump Mike on
his mentally ill welfare dependant mother three years ago, didn't pay any
child support for three years.  Then, when the local authorities approached
him to ask him to take custody he refused, UNTIL he got taken to court for
child support.  Now he's whining that the State *stole* his son away from
him.  And writing me nasty letters, accusing me of conspiring with the State.
And I wasn't even involved until I was asked to take Mike in.  

If only some of you out there who are missing your children would consider
taking in a foster child.  The need is so great and the rewards are so large.

Sue