From: JFRAWLEY@SUVM.SYR.EDU (Judy Thomas Frawley)
Newsgroups: misc.kids,soc.women,soc.men,alt.child-support,alt.dads-rights
Subject: Re: It's just a TV SHOW!
Date: 11 Nov 92 18:55:57 GMT
Organization: Syracuse University

In article <1992Nov3.223728.8602@borland.com>
garnet@borland.com (Garnet Chaney) writes:
 
>
>In article <1992Oct29.173852.22333@ll.mit.edu> yasu@ll.mit.edu (Alan Yasutovich) writes:
>>
>>       One additional remark.  You know, when I see my ex
>>       I've commented on how "ugly" she's gotten.  Uglier
>>       than "years" would allow.  And the supposition by some
>>       is that the "pressure of the years" or whatever you would
>>       call it, has "aged" her into hag-dome.  And her continued
>>       bitchiness is just a manifestation of life wearing hard
>>       on her.
>
STUFF DELETED
>On a slightly different topic, how many have retained old pictures,
>greeting cards, etc. from the days of dating and marriage to the
>exspouse?  What percentage has been kept, and for how long? Does
>remarriage significantly decrease the percentage kept? What about
>preserving things, from those happy starting days with the exspouse,
>for the benefit of children who might later have questions about what
>the early days were like for the mother and father?
>
>- Garnet
>KC6YKE, ARES, S/M CAP
 
I do not how this thread originally got started, and I am obviously
not a man :-), but I think this is a really great question.
 
My husband and I have been separated for 19 months; physically
separated for 16.  We have a four-year-old daughter.  I am not
yet legally separated or divorced.
 
One of the *toughest* things I have had to deal with is
what to do with those pictures, etc.  My husband asked
me to please give the wedding album to my mother for
safekeeping, so I wouldn't destroy it.  Although I would
not have and was originally angry at him for insinuating
that I would, I took his suggestion.
 
I have a picture of my husband and I on vacation posted on
my daughter's bedroom door.  I have not disposed of any
pictures because I feel somewhat neutral about them at
this point.  I have a trunk full of wedding memorabalia (sp?)
that I have not been able to even open, let alone try to
do anything with.
 
My daughter looks at the wedding album from time to time.
I think it is good for her.  She understands that we *were*
happy once.  She has her own picture album of her, myself, and
her father when she was born.  She loves these pictures and
likes to hear the stories I tell her about her birth.  Her
father is a very special person in her life.  Just because
I divorced him, doesn't mean she has to.
 
I keep pictures for Hannah.  I talk to her about our marriage,
how much we both love her, and how much we were happy once.
I explain to her that sometimes people don't love each other
anymore.  I don't try to delude her into thinking that we
will be getting back together, though.  It is a difficult
balance.  I think if I had been rash and thrown out pictures
or reminders of my marriage it would have not helped my own
recovery from a very difficult situation.
 
I can't forget that I was married.  I can't forget that my (almost)
ex is my daughter's father and that they are very close.  So, I
have kept pictures for her sake and because, quite frankly, I
wouldn't want to forget that we were happy once. The pictures
also help me see the growth in our marriage and I can also
trace the disintegration of it through those pictures.  Maybe it
sounds silly, but they have really helped me...as time goes on,
they are easier to look at.  Maybe someday I will be able to
open that trunk and not think of it as a dream that went sour,
but as a phase of my life that has passed.
 
Judy Frawley
Hannah's mama
 
Newsgroups: misc.kids