From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: GROUP THERAPY
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 23:32:36 GMT

In article <BxDsAL.5x6@twwells.com> anon-1366@twwells.com writes:
>
>Hi, this is Al.  Lately, I have been thinking about the teacher who abused
>me while I was in high school, and I have been getting quite depressed about
>it.  It just seems that recently I can't get it out of my mind.  I know why
>that is, I think.  It is because I am finally talking about it in therapy.
>However, I am in one of those group therapy things and I am not so sure I
>like it.  To tell you the truth, though, it has given me the opportunity
>to meet other people in a like situation.  I have made a couple really good
>friends through there and we get together.  I am wondering...how many people
>out there belong to a group (with shrink and all)?  What are your experiences?

I've been in a group for a couple of years--I got some good out of it, but
I don't think that it was worth it, on the whole.  On the other hand, it
hasn't soured me on group therapy in general, just on the therapists who
ran it....I'm kind of dubious about gestalt therapy now, too. I'm not sure
that they believe that minds are part of the healthy person.

>The problem though is that there are a couple wierdos there.  It's not that
>I am trying to belittle their problems or anything like that, it just seems
>to me that they are there so they can tell everyone how bad off they are,
>and how sorry we should feel for them.  Fine - but don't dominate the damn
>group with your tales of woe.  This may seem calous - but please don't reproach,
>I just need a sounding board...

I think it's part of the business of the therapists to make sure that 
everyone in a group gets time, though you might want to check to make
sure that those two are actually taking up lots of time (or dominating
the subject matter/emotional tone of the group) rather than just talking
or emoting in a way that you find painful.

>Another problem with my group is that I am beginning to dislike the therapist.
>He REALLY bothers me.  I hate to leave the group but I am seriously considering
>it...I am considering going into private therapy just so I DO NOT have to
>see HIM every damn week.  It's not that he reminds me of anyone.  The problem
>is that he's a man....and I HATE men....not all men...just those in a 
>position higher than mine.  Any guys out that that hate their own kind?  Wierd
>isn't it?  ADVICE NEEDED:  Should I quit going to group therapy because I
>cannot stand the shrink but I like most of the people there?????

Detesting people just for being in authority is a pretty common human
trait. It may be more common among men. It certainly makes sense for
someone who grew up with abusive authorities.

As for whether you should leave, you're going to have to look at the
net benefits/drawbacks yourself. Could you stay in contact with the
people you like even if you leave? If you left and found that you 
missed the group, could you go back? Personally, I'd get anyone who
I dislike as much as you seem to dislike that therapist out of my
life.

It might make sense to tell the therapist that you don't like him and
see what happens. (Actually, I'm rather hoping that he's a competent
therapist that you're having a habitual reaction to. How much authority 
does he actually have? How does he use it? On the other hand, you might detest
him because he's abusive, in which case, your best bet is to get out.)

>Another thing:  it has been 8 years since my teacher sexually abused me, and
>my mother..I am considering filing a complaint with the police AND filing a civil
>action against them both.  You see, we can do that up here in Canada now...there
>IS a statute of limitations, but is is AFTER you realize the damage that
>the abuse has done to you.  It's been a while, I know I am strong enough...
>but by pursuing this - does that mean that I am refusing to let go of the
>past...or should I just do this one last difficult thing then get on with
>me life....??  
>
>ADVICE would be appreciated.  You might wish to post directly to the
>newgroup as I seem to be having some problems with my e-mail remote
>forwarding.
>
Good luck--I stayed with my therapy group much too long because there
were some good things about it, but what's important is the net effect.
If you can't talk with your therapist about serious difficulties with
him, I'd say there's a sign that something's wrong.

Nancy Lebovitz 
nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery