From: archer@hsi.com (Garry Archer)
Subject: Merry Christmas from the Old Farts.
Keywords: Fun, Laugh Dammit
Organization: 3M Health Information Systems, Wallingford CT
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 21:38:03 GMT


'Tis the season to be Mary... no, wait a minute... MERRY!  Sorry, sorry!!!


The following was adapted from "The Official Rules of Coarse Football" where
it was written, "Only the strongest survive the shattering ordeal known as
Senior Amateur Recreational Soccer, or 'Coarse Football'.  Englishman Bev
Town puts forth the rules of this great game."  It was given to me by one
of my teammates from our Over-30 league.  For your amusement:



           THE OFFICIAL RULES OF SENIOR AMATEUR RECREATIONAL FOOTBALL.

      (also known as "Master's League", "Over-30 League", "Old Farts League",
           "'Hey, look at them Old Guys trying to play soccer' League")


     1. Teams shall consist of more than 11 players on the day before the
        match, but less than 11 on the day of the match.

     2. No team shall possess its own kit.  If they do, it must be old
        and dingy.  Perhaps even smelly.

     3. If the kit is borrowed there shall be no more than eight matching
        shirts.

     4. Not more than any three players shall wear the same colour socks
        and there shall be at least three different colours of shirts worn.

     5. If the local pub has afternoon closing, the kick-off time and
        length of match shall be arranged such that the pub will be open
        at the end of said match.

     6. No match shall have a qualified referee, nor any linesman, assigned.
        If a qualified referee shows up he must know nothing about the offside
        rule.

     7. A team captain's only function shall be to take part in the coin
        toss-up (if there is one).  No footballing ability is necessary or
        desirable.

     8. No quasi-professional jargon shall be used before, during or after
        a match with the exception of "Shut the back door!"

     9. Teams shall be permitted to use ringers, but it must be understood
        that each ringer playing for a team in one match shall be permitted
        to play against that team in the next.

    10. Each team shall laugh uncontrollably at any miskick, own goal, etc.
        Any team not following this rule will be deemed to be taking the game
        too seriously and shall not be asked to play again.

    11. No player shall intentionally foul an opponent, but unintentional
        fouls caused by ineptitude shall be permissible.

    12. Each team shall have a special team.  This shall consist of an
        aging former ball-player who can no longer run to save his life.
        He shall be stuck out on the wing and shall take all throw-ins,
        corners and free kicks.

    13. After the match both teams shall meet in the pub, but each team
        shall nominate a player who cannot attend because he/she has to
        meet his/her significant other.


    Otherwise all the usual rules of football shall apply, except with the
    mutual agreement of both teams and the referee (if there is one).




                      MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

                        to all who read rec.sport.soccer

                             CHEERS AND BEST WISHES!



-- 
Garry Archer Esq.	archer@hsi.com
3M Health Information Systems,	Wallingford, Connecticut, U.S.A.

"An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose." - A.P.Herbert
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer