From: sgs1679@usl.edu (Sudhindranath Sira G)
Subject: Re: Arranged Marriages
Organization: University of Southwestern Louisiana
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1992 23:53:32 GMT

In article <1992Apr16.175941.1@zodiac.rutgers.edu> patel@zodiac.rutgers.edu writes:
>
>> It is disturbing to find that quite a few of the netters who 
>> have supported the arranged marriage system, make the following 
>> ASSUMPTIONS about those who oppose the system:
>> 
>>   1. They are eager to get "westernized".
>>   2. They think that everything is fine with the West and
>>      everything is wrong with India.
>>   3. They are ungrateful to their motherland and contemptuous about 
>>      its culture.
>>   4. They are rebels who react without thinking.
>>   5. They are selfish, and disrespectful to their parents and 
>>      their families.
>>   6. They advocate homosexuality, AIDS etc.
>
>
>Is it really disturbing?
>All of the points are probably true of most, except the 6th.
>I havent seen anyone on the net supporting AIDS. 
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 
That's right. But one of the supporters of arranged marriages said in
his article that the opponents have NO RESPECT FOR THE 
INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE	and implied that they regard AIDS and
homosexuality as lesser evils.

>
>I think the 4th and 5th are true only to an extent.
>But as for the first 3 points --> you hit the nail on the head!!
>

I can only say that you have confirmed my point that some of you 
people make very big assumptions.

>I don't think the anti-arranged marriage people understand the
>system as well as they think.  These people make some disturbing
>ASSUMPTIONS of their own like :
>
> 1. all arranged marraiges are forced on either the male or female.
     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I look at it this way. True, it is not forced in a dramatic
manner (like dragging you to the altar etc., as in the movies!). 
Instead, you are reduced to a state of helplessness. In such a `
situation, the USE OF FORCE IS UNNECESSARY, isn't it ?

> 2. they are not part of Indian culture.

I would say that it is a BLOT on the Indian culture.

> 3. women become slaves (as in Kunta Kinte) for the rest of thier lives.
> 4. the marraige can't possibly work out since the couple never dated
>    nor had sex!

This again is a wrong assumption on your part. The emphasis,
as most of us have been trying to point out, is to KNOW whom
you are going to marry. Surely, you wouldn't like to marry a
total stranger! (which is what arranged marriages REALLY boil
down to).


> 5. these people are primitives partaking in a primitive system.
     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I will say that the system is primitive and badly needs
reform. About whether those who partake in it are primitive or
not, I leave it to their wisdom to judge.

> 6. these people must be all ugly to find a mate outside the system.
> 7. etc.
>
>I suggest that these people learn more about OUR culture, and stop
							    ^^^^^^^
>telling everyone how to find a mate.
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>

Well, I wouldn't like to snatch away anybody's rights. In my
view, these discussions are meant to understand and critically 
analyse the system and also to know whether people have any reason 
for the stand they have taken.

>Long live arranged marraiges and keep posting those matrimonials!
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

If, as I feel, the system is outdated and has become irrelevant in the
present-day world, it is surely going to die a natural death. 
Wishes don't help!


>
>
>
>Hitesh Patel
>Rutgers University
>EE '92


Regards,

Sira Gopinath Sudhindranath.
(sudhi@usl.edu)

Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian