From: ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU
Subject: background info. ***SPOILER*** (sort of)
Organization: UNC Charlotte
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 20:00:32 GMT

This doesn't contain anything graphic, but I figured I'd warn people just
in case. Actually, its an extract from a letter I wrote someone a year ago
and when I was editing it to post to asar, I was struck by how distant I
feel from what I wrote. I write the words, but I don't think about what they
really mean. A lot of times I just pretend that my (alleged) childhood
happened to someone else.
 
Erin
 
 
 
 
***************************SPOILER WARNING*************************************
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
My mother became pregnant with me when she was engaged to my
father, Al. He made her mad so she decided not to marry him.
Instead, she left South Carolina and went to stay at the Florence
Crittendon home for unwed mothers in Washington, D.C. She had a
friend in Washington named Erin that I'm named after. Anyway, she
had another boyfriend, Howard, that she decided to marry instead
when I was about 1 month old. Then the 2 of them decided to pretend
that Howard was my father; they even had a new birth certificate
made for me and had my old one sealed by a court order.
Unfortunately for them, I don't look anything like my mother and
her family (and of course I don't look like Howard and his family).
Instead I look exactly like my father and his mother and sister. My
biological father hung around until I was about 2 years old. After
that he and my maternal grandfather corresponded for about 10 years
and Grandaddy sent Al pictures of me. At that point Al went to
Saudi Arabia to work as a construction engineer and lost touch.
 
Meanwhile, Howard was abusive towards me from the very beginning.
When I was about 6 months old Howard left me hanging from a light
fixture in my grandfather's house and just walked away.
Fortunately, my maternal grandmother came into the room right then
and rescued me. She became very upset but nobody did anything about
Howard (like have him thrown in jail for child endangerment). For
years I listened to this story told as a joke, "oh wasn't it silly
of Mama to get so upset, of course he knew the baby wouldn't fall."
For years Howard and my mother were abusive towards me and my
younger half-brother.
 
When I turned 18 I got a scholarship to a college here in Charlotte
and moved here from  S.C. At first I thought that the fact of my
leaving "home" would let them know that they couldn't get away with
their abuse any more. But, when I was in Columbia for a few days
over the Christmas holiday, Howard made a pass at me. I realized
then that I had to get away from them completely. I spent that
summer vacation living with my maternal grandparents and spent the
next years vacation living on the college campus and working uptown
in Charlotte. In Dec., 1984 (when I was 20) I was so fed-up with
that college (it was basically a finishing school for rich bimbos)
that I left it to work full-time. At this time I sent my mother a
letter explaining that I couldn't deal with the family violence
anymore and that I didn't want anything to do with her and Howard
ever again. When I went to visit my maternal grandparents for New
Years, they were so obnoxious to me for "stirring up trouble" that
I decided I didn't want anything to do with them either. The next
several years of my life were basically busy, happy ones. In 1987
I began having problems with my mother calling me at work, though.
(I had given my work address to my grandmother; I had an unlisted
phone number at home because I was afraid something like this would
happen.) Then Howard got my address and showed up at my apartment,
beating on the door. Luckily, someone I worked with had called me
that morning and warned me that Howard was snooping around where I
worked. I think they had expected me to be unable to support myself
and go back "home" to them; when time passed and this didn't
happen, they came looking for me. I guess they thought I would
still be scared, but instead I was very angry and every time they
bothered me I got angrier. I had left them alone and hadn't even
attempted to prosecute them. I think they saw this as a sign of
weakness; actually I just didn't want to deal with them in any way.
So, I got so mad I called my mother and chewed her out. Then Howard
called my boss and my therapist and made threats against me. At
this point I went to see the husband of a friend of mine, he's a
lawyer who does a lot of battered women cases. He wrote a letter to
Howard explaining that I would sue him if he ever bothered me
again. Then my mother agreed to meet with the therapist and me at
the therapist's office. This was when I found out about my
biological father. Until this time I thought that Howard was my
biological father, although I'd found out by accident years earlier
that my mother got married in May of 1964 instead of May of 1963
like she always tells people.
 
I found my biological father through directory assistance since he
had moved back to his hometown by 1987. He was surprised to hear
from me and didn't really know how to deal with suddenly acquiring
an adult daughter, especially since he thinks I'm rather strange.
I just told him that I didn't have anything to do with my mother
and left it at that.
 
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery