HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: pooder@msus1.msus.edu
Newsgroups: alt.support
Subject: To Bonnie . . . .
Date: 1 Jan 93 02:39:54 -0600
Organization: Minnesota State University System

This is the first calendar year I have spent without Bonnie since she 
died.  I never got to say anything in public about her; I was in the
hospital recovering from my injuries when the funeral and memorial 
services were held for her.

I met her at We Care, which is a group for divorced and widowed people.
I knew her for 1 year, 4 months, and 12 days.  She was a loving mother,
a caring and devoted nurse, and a steadfast partner.  She was honest and
direct and I always knew where I stood with her.  She loved life with a 
passion I have seen in few other people. When our relationship got to the
place where we were committed to each other for life, I saw a peace and 
joy come over her that I hadn't seen before.  I felt that peace and joy, 
too.  We were ready to begin our lives together.  But her life was taken
away by . . . what?  Why do those things happen?  Why didn't I see the 
train and stop?  I'll never know, I guess.  

Once in a while you meet someone who moves you.  Bonnie Phillips moved me
deeply.  I loved her as I have never loved anyone else and my heart *aches*
as I miss her tonight.

Don
From: nstarr@unix.amherst.edu ( )
Newsgroups: alt.support
Subject: Toxic Parents
Date: 30 Dec 92 00:01:55 GMT
Organization: Amherst College
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL7]

Jules Feiffer has a full page in Sunday, NYTimes, Dec. 20, 1992, titled "How 
the Family Stole Christmas", devoted to cartoons of family members making a 
lad feel lousy.  (Example: Father, opening box with tie in it, tells son,
"The present I really wanted was for you to get an 'A' in math.")  The
page might have been subcaptioned: "Toxic Family? Invite them to spend the
holidays with you by telling them to go to hell."
From: a-markov@microsoft.com (Mark Overby)
Subject: Better to have loved and lost...?
Date: 23 Dec 92 20:00:43 GMT
Organization: Microsoft Corporation


I have been going through the process of trying to get over the loss
of my fiancee not to long ago and I keep running across the
same question time and time and time again....

"Is it better to have loved and lost, or never to have loved
at all?"

I waver on my answer from minute to minute. Part of me cries out
every night because inside the pain is still so hard that I can
actually feel the mental pain in a physical way (makes sense I
hope). Every time I hear her name I shudder and I want to scream
out about how life is so *@$&#@($# unfair....thats when I begin
to believe that was the pain really worth it....

Then I begin to feel guilty about it because I loved her with all
of my heart and soul and I really wanted to be with her for ther
rest of my life. There is now way in hades that I would have
left her side during the treatments or the long nights of pain.
I loved her sooooo much that there is now way that I could
do that....

Anybody got any answers???????


Thanks,


Mark

P.S.  To those of you who are recovering from alcohol or other
forms of abuse I wish you the best....reading your stories here
probably averted me from treading down that thorny path. 



*  *        *       *     *
 *     *       *     *  *
     *    *      *       *  *
--   *      *       *  *
 |      *     *    *       *
 |____     *          *
      \              *               Happy Holidays!
-------        *         **
 [+]  |    *      *   *
      |
      |*x********************
-------**********************
From: charleen@net.bio.net (Charleen Bunjiovianna)
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Date: 25 Dec 92 20:36:46 GMT
Organization: BIOSCI International Newsgroups for Biology

In article <1992Dec25.130624.1971@netcom.com> avery@netcom.com (Avery Ray Colter) writes:
>dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer) writes:
>
>>I can't believe you have to ask this.  Isn't it obvious?  We just went
>>through it, didn't we?
>
>I like to summarize what I'm hearing and feed it back for verification.
>
>Why?
>
>To make sure I'm hearing shit right. You got a prob with that?

Great.  Just great.

Avery, you've been asked by several people now to take your public
lechery ("poetry", indeed) to private email.  Add my voice to the
list.  You make me uncomfortable.  You make other people
uncomfortable.  And your insistence on your right to make us
uncomfortable throws great doubt on your claim that all this flowery
verbiage is simply an innocent by-product of your "work in fat
acceptance" (a self-serving term if ever there was one).

Charleen

Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: avery@netcom.com (Avery Ray Colter)
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Forward-To: sender
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 01:26:43 GMT

Enough then. Forgive me for being partially retarded or learning-disabled
or whatever is keeping me from getting the point more quickly. I hope I can
break this pattern that's been following me like some personal demon and
be more sensitive to the situation. It's probably nothing more than plain
stupidity or nerdiness on my own part that is making me, uh, how would
the PC term go, "differently tacted"?

Charleen, I know what you and some others think of me, and it's a hellish
thing to know how many friendships I've dashed by my carelessness - 
there's barely a week that goes by that I'm not beating myself up for a
couple of those. My wayward outbursts are a by product of my feelings,
whether innocent or not may be debateable. I think I can and should do
more with these feelings than just that very thing which is causing all
this discomfort. I think that's the only way I can call myself worthy
of these things I feel; if that's self-serving, then I'm reminded of
the fortune cookie message that says, "To serve others is to serve oneself".

But that's going off on a tangent again. I know I'm being dense about this,
and I'm aware what consequences my slowness in learning brings. One of these
days I'm going to get over whatever is holding me up, I promise.
For now, I made a promise to the newsgroup, and that promise I'll keep to
the best of my abilities. E-mail reply is set for this posting, so this
subjectline can have the death it deserves.



-- 
Avery Ray Colter ("Elfcat") - 	avery@netcom.netcom.com (IP 192.100.81.100)
(510) 656-1902 
"Heaviness is the root of lightness; calmness is the controller of haste"
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: mazur@bluefin.camb.inmet.com (Beth Mazur)
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Organization: Intermetrics, Inc.
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 00:49:17 GMT

avery@netcom.com (Avery Ray Colter) writes:
>Actually, waking up this morning, I'm thinking that Sonja hit on one reason
>why it's inconsistent to regard these theoretical musings of mine as having
>been attempts at seduction: had seduction been my intention, I would indeed
>have been wording these writings toward a single person and likely had much
>more to say in e-mail, rather than the general public style I was using.

Well, I suppose you know your own motivations better than the rest of us.
However, I could easily have considered your approach to be the "buckshot"
type--you know, fire randomly and hope you hit a target.

Beth Mazur                   "...life is more than a vision.  The sweetest
mazur@inmet.inmet.com         part is acting after making a decision."
...!uunet!inmet!mazur                                  -- The Indigo Girls
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: avery@netcom.com (Avery Ray Colter)
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Fri, 25 Dec 1992 13:06:24 GMT

dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer) writes:

>I can't believe you have to ask this.  Isn't it obvious?  We just went
>through it, didn't we?

I like to summarize what I'm hearing and feed it back for verification.

Why?

To make sure I'm hearing shit right. You got a prob with that?

>In other words, "I'll keep doing this until I *really, really* get blasted."
>How many times do you have to be asked before you get the hint?

Yeah, OK, I know I have a flair for being a loose cannon. The point is,
there will be others like me - so maybe if I just stay calm enough to endure
this pedantry from you, then when some other little what's-his-face with
sentiments similar to mine, and perhaps a similar cannony way, walks in
wanting to wax poetic in public postings, I'll be able to tell him what's
up in a way that doesn't sound like the out-of-the-blue sinister 
analogy-casting of someone who doesn't speak his language (pederast at
a playground indeed - first you make a false analogy, and then in the
sentence immediately following, admit the fallacy thereof). 

The first thing to do is not to fall into the even worse pattern I've
gone into before of just flaming down anyone using the tone of voice
you're using. And believe me, I still find myself typing out flames
and then replacing them with more level-headed thoughts.

I dunno, maybe this itself should be between you and I - but talking
the policy of communication per se would seem less subject to objection
by the lookers-on.


-- 
Avery Ray Colter ("Elfcat") - 	avery@netcom.netcom.com (IP 192.100.81.100)
(510) 656-1902 
"Heaviness is the root of lightness; calmness is the controller of haste"
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: vusl@athena.cas.vanderbilt.edu (VU Science Library)
Subject: cashmere sweaters
Organization: Vanderbilt University
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1993 22:32:06 GMT

I am a woman, but so large that I am best served by big-men's clothing
stores.  I am looking for a cashmere sweater for myself.  Can ANYONE suggest
a catalog or store that carries luxury items for the larger person?

Thanks

--
	Carlin Sappenfield - vusl@athena.cas.vanderbilt.edu 
			     sappenc@vuctrvax.bitnet	
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer)
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Organization: S.P. Dyer Computer Consulting, Cambridge MA
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 07:29:52 GMT

In article <1992Dec21.040912.18917@netcom.com> avery@netcom.com (Avery Ray Colter) writes:
>I guess the question is, what should be done if a newbie "FA" comes in
>and wants to discuss stuff like this?

I can't believe you have to ask this.  Isn't it obvious?  We just went
through it, didn't we?

>Strictly e-mail? Again, if that's the consensus, I'll abide by it.

In other words, "I'll keep doing this until I *really, really* get blasted."
How many times do you have to be asked before you get the hint?

-- 
Steve Dyer
dyer@ursa-major.spdcc.com aka {ima,harvard,rayssd,linus,m2c}!spdcc!dyer
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: avery@netcom.com (Avery Ray Colter)
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 00:49:58 GMT

mazur@bluefin.camb.inmet.com (Beth Mazur) writes:

>Well, I suppose you know your own motivations better than the rest of us.
>However, I could easily have considered your approach to be the "buckshot"
>type--you know, fire randomly and hope you hit a target.

Well, yeah, I guess....

But I think you know me by now - if that was what I wanted to do, it would
be so blatant as not to require consideration. ;)

I mean, like, it sounds like I'm being made out as if I put "SJM 25 ISO etc"
in my .sig file.

-- 
Avery Ray Colter ("Elfcat") - 	avery@netcom.netcom.com (IP 192.100.81.100)
(510) 656-1902 
"Heaviness is the root of lightness; calmness is the controller of haste"
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: avery@netcom.com (Avery Ray Colter)
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 10:33:05 GMT

Actually, waking up this morning, I'm thinking that Sonja hit on one reason
why it's inconsistent to regard these theoretical musings of mine as having
been attempts at seduction: had seduction been my intention, I would indeed
have been wording these writings toward a single person and likely had much
more to say in e-mail, rather than the general public style I was using.

-- 
Avery Ray Colter ("Elfcat") - 	avery@netcom.netcom.com (IP 192.100.81.100)
(510) 656-1902 
"Heaviness is the root of lightness; calmness is the controller of haste"
Newsgroups: alt.support
From: motto@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (mary.rita.otto)
Subject: Re: Better to have loved and lost...?
Organization: AT&T
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1992 23:22:08 GMT

In article <1992Dec23.200043.21719@microsoft.com> a-markov@microsoft.com (Mark Overby) writes:
>
>"Is it better to have loved and lost, or never to have loved
>at all?"

Mark,

To answer this question, you need to back away from the specific case of
your loss and realize that you are still grieving.  While you are grieving
you will continue to feel angry and hurt and sad at times.  That is the
natural process of grieving.

But to answer the broad philosophical question, think about other people
in your life who you have loved and who are no longer with you.  Grandparents,
parents, special friends who moved away and vanished forever, etc.  These
people may have enriched your life, and left you with memories and feelings
which you will cherish always.  If you can look to these examples and say
that your life is better because of those experiences and memories, then
you can say it is true.

In the heart of our despair we wish that we had never gotten into the
position of being so badly hurt.  But would my life have been better
if I had never had for a best friend a girl who died at 17?  Would my
life have been better had my mother died before I got to know her?  I
honestly have to answer no to both; that each was worth the pain of
their loss.

I hope, Mark, that you will continue to grieve until all the pain and
hurt and anger and sadness is gone.  Expressing it allows it to drain
off until you can remember, and while remembering, experience the
pleasant feelings of the memories without the overwhelming sadness and
pain of mourning.  

Peace,
Mary Otto
From: tooka@train.EBay.Sun.COM (Tony)
Newsgroups: alt.support
Subject: Re: Feeling beaten...Could use some support.
Date: 22 Dec 1992 17:47:18 GMT
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
Distribution: world
Reply-To: tooka@train.EBay.Sun.COM
NNTP-Posting-Host: train.ebay.sun.com

 
Jeff writes: 

"I was looking forward to my future when (two weeks ago) I had a heart attack."

Jeff,

I noticed two words in your last sentence "forward" and "future".

I have associated the future with hope and happiness for the last 28 years of my life
but never bothered to find hope or happiness in the present. I've been afflicted
with this the past-is-suffering-the-future-is-happiness dualism which made me 
always forget the third element of time--the present which I own.

Could it be time for you to "look around" instead of "looking forward"? Maybe
I'm being too metaphorical. I guess what I mean is: appreciate the very physical
presence of every experience and thing around you in the here and now.

I don't know what physical pain you are in. I can only imagine. But could you take
a moment in your day to forget about the past, forget about the future? Look at
the wall or at some flower. Think about the taste of coffee in your mug. Analyze
and philosophize about it as long as it takes for you to forget the past and
the future for just a minute. In that short time, you have rewarded yourself with
a rare elusive gift--being alive in the present. 

You had a brush with death so to speak when you had a heart attack. I admire
your strength and experience. Now how can you turn that into your near catastrophe
and near demise into a stepping stone or learning opportunity? I don't know. I
never had a heart attack. Maybe you could teach me something...

Regards,

-Tony




Newsgroups: alt.satanism
From: mlkerns@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Michael L Kerns)
Subject: Christmas
Organization: The Ohio State University
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 21:38:54 GMT


So, what exactly do Satanists do at Christmas?  Is it a pretty depressing time 
of year?  What are the "holy" satanic days?

Curious
Newsgroups: alt.satanism
From: robohen@ocf.berkeley.edu (Henry Robertson)
Newsgroups: alt.satanism
Subject: Satanic chant generator available
Date: 2 Jan 1993 05:14:16 GMT
Organization: U. C. Berkeley Open Computing Facility
NNTP-Posting-Host: headcrash.berkeley.edu

I have started learning C on my own 3 days ago, but with demonic speed I have
picked it up, and the voice inside me made me produce this random word-generating program to receive His message:

yeucu jolthechzu qathqiza wekshi dioha
rimo zophotqa sefy lugoshe gukborpo
ze ixe moly phesyo yeh
puswmo ophta abe osiac alwechy
aqdueri kiovzib eyu zo uma
ueq amedthave qil hivehkac yachzi
eshbizy shigvech ba dojkofsho yah
upshe thufcawye loch fucpem puept
megnuiju ecruqho zevtophy qucekhy ragfic
dikdaj veyphiyry aq pu meogjo
jazlsache thithqe suv sushci as
latpa alsuqaex loce fexdatho te
vascboj ce chir bep jarki
ji zisho taukyoxo du oipe
kajfu nuidnuaph tishpkeb pi phavnojhi
owophy tho keowiko cayifu faja
oo va eyshrsh ji yeto
cho geve bekhadie azshep do
deq xuj qod xekmozi zuyzux
meudrec ifamax co cafna jika 

If others would like to share in this proliferation, contact me & I'll send
you a C listing....

Newsgroups: alt.satanism
From: donnell@tuna.micro.umn.edu (BogusMan)
Subject: Re: Merry Christmas
Organization: none
Date: Fri, 25 Dec 1992 18:48:18 GMT

In article <92357.142541WCE2@psuvm.psu.edu> <WCE2@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:
>Space reserved for ritual denials of altruistic impulses.
>for involuntary donors.  You have a friend in Transylvania.  So have
>yourself a merry little potlatch, and if you get coal in your stockings
>keep in mind that coal is an American energy source, and using it keeps
>us that much more independent of the Arabs.*
>
>The above sponsored by Beltrami Strip Mining Inc., Hazleton
>
>Anyhow, I'm off for 2 weeks: I'll dig up good demon-indwelt-Xn quotes when
>I return.
>.
>Bill Ellis (wce2 @ psuvm.psu.edu)                 Editor, FOAFtale News

May Satan Claus bring you what you deserve!
Merry/Happy <Insert Holyday of Choice Here> to All
Pax
					--Judex--

Newsgroups: alt.satanism
Newsgroups: alt.satanism
Subject: Satanic chant generator available
Date: Sat, 02 Jan 1993 10:13:14 -0500


 HR> I have started learning C on my own 3 days ago, but 
 HR> with demonic speed I have
 HR> picked it up, and the voice inside me made me produce 
 HR> this random word-generating program to receive His message:

 HR> yeucu jolthechzu qathqiza wekshi dioha
 HR> rimo zophotqa sefy lugoshe gukborpo
 HR> ze ixe moly phesyo yeh
 HR> puswmo ophta abe osiac alwechy
 HR> aqdueri kiovzib eyu zo uma
 HR> ueq amedthave qil hivehkac yachzi
 HR> eshbizy shigvech ba dojkofsho yah
 HR> upshe thufcawye loch fucpem puept
 HR> megnuiju ecruqho zevtophy qucekhy ragfic
 HR> dikdaj veyphiyry aq pu meogjo
 HR> jazlsache thithqe suv sushci as
 HR> latpa alsuqaex loce fexdatho te
 HR> vascboj ce chir bep jarki
 HR> ji zisho taukyoxo du oipe
 HR> kajfu nuidnuaph tishpkeb pi phavnojhi
 HR> owophy tho keowiko cayifu faja
 HR> oo va eyshrsh ji yeto
 HR> cho geve bekhadie azshep do
 HR> deq xuj qod xekmozi zuyzux
 HR> meudrec ifamax co cafna jika 

 So what does this mumbo-jumbo mean anyways? It doesn't look like enochian, or
is it? --Adam--


Newsgroups: alt.satanism
From: donnell@tuna.micro.umn.edu (BogusMan)
Subject: Re: really
Keywords: test
Organization: none
Date: Fri, 25 Dec 1992 18:55:59 GMT

In article <1hedpiINN4kt@matt.ksu.ksu.edu> jokers@matt.ksu.ksu.edu (Douglas Eugene Fund) writes:
>In case your curious God wins in the End!!!!!

So bend over and grease up now!!!
Pax
					--Judex--

Newsgroups: alt.satanism
From: kk@nic.funet.fi (Kimmo Koistinen)
Subject: Re: Alt.satanism FAQ
Organization: Finnish University and ResearcH Network, FUNET
	<1992Dec21.034458.8657@sol.ctr.columbia.edu>
Date: 31 Dec 92 12:47:58


  Does anyone have info about occult/satanist/new age/paranormal-related
networks that use Fidonet standard? If so, please mail me addresses (if
any Internet, Fidonet also do) and other info. I am interested.

K.
Newsgroups: alt.satanism
From: locklin@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Lupo The Butcher=)
Subject: Re: Christmas
Organization: Campus Crusade for Cthulhu
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1992 20:41:47 GMT
Distribution: usa
X-Posted-From: titan.ucc.umass.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: sol.ctr.columbia.edu

In article <1992Dec23.213854.5032@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> mlkerns@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Michael L Kerns) writes:
>
>So, what exactly do Satanists do at Christmas?  Is it a pretty depressing time 
>of year?  What are the "holy" satanic days?
>
>Curious

We build nice cozy yule-fires out of fundie-babies!
Actually, xmas has turned into quite the nice satanic holiday of 
self-indulgance it was when the pagans called it "Yule" or samhain or whatever.
(Shux, I never could get the names of the pagan holidays correct).

I believe according to the S.B. one's birthday is the prime holiday with
the solstice & equinox days being next in rank of importance. 
I have more fun on xmas/newyears myself; less work to do...

-Lupo
Newsgroups: alt.satanism
From: timf@microsoft.com (Tim Fleehart)
Subject: Re: Oh so worried.
Date: 19 Dec 92 21:22:18 GMT
Organization: Microsoft Corporation

In article <lfoul.2r13@terapin.com> lfoul@terapin.com (Jake McClean) writes:
>My
>question is this:  Is it "dangerous"?  Can the "satanic" affect someone who
>doesn't believe in it?  The question I get asked most often is, "What does it
>mean?", does it HAVE to mean anything?
>
>Can demonic "possesion" affect anyone, despite their beliefs in
>any or no religion?

I don't imagine Satan would care whether you believe or not.  If it's there
and real it can affect you.

Then too, there are many things which aren't real which can affect you as
well.  It depends on how paranoid you are about them...

>Aw, hell.  Screw it, I'm just one confused individual, wouldn't you say?

Perhaps.  But if you open your hear to the light that Lucifer would bring
you, this confusion will be cured.

Tim
Newsgroups: alt.satanism
From: drake+@cs.cmu.edu (Drake)
Subject: Re: Christmas
Organization: School of Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon
Distribution: usa
Date: Sun, 27 Dec 1992 05:47:11 GMT

mlkerns@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Michael L Kerns) writes:

>So, what exactly do Satanists do at Christmas?  Is it a pretty depressing
>time of year?  What are the "holy" satanic days?

Caveat: No one speaks for everybody; neither do I.  I'm not a "pure"
Satanist anyhow.

1) More or less what we do on December 24, except maybe not go to work.
(One benefit of the Nazarene; he gave us days off.)

2) No, not especially.

3) Your birthday is foremost.  Then are the 4 solar days (the two
equinoxes and the 2 solstices), and the 4 pagan holidays (Beltane,
Lammas, Samhain, Candlemas).  Beyond that, whatever you want.



-- 
Love and Laughter,             | NOTE: Private mail must go explicitly
Xeper and Remanifest,          | to drake@seismo.soar.cs.cmu.edu
                       DRAKE   | or it'll bounce back to you...
Newsgroups: alt.satanism