From: nstraguz@atl.ge.com (Nick Straguzzi)
Newsgroups: rec.games.bridge
Subject: Arggggh!
Keywords: true, ouch
Date: 5 Jan 93 23:17:46 GMT
Organization: GE Aerospace, Advanced Technology Labs
NNTP-Posting-Host: dinsdale.atl.ge.com


           Why Bridge Is Better Than Chess, reason #2874:
         Hilarious stories like this never happen in chess.

What better way to kick off the first weekend of your New Year than by
playing a competitive, all-night, low-stakes home game of Chicago with
friends?  At 25 cents a hundred, a player can hold yarborough after
yarborough and still meet next month's mortgage payment.  You,
however, have no intention of losing money.

The cards fly, the beer flows, and Saturday night soon melts into
Sunday morning.  Everything has gone your way so far.  You're ahead by
almost 4000 points.  Better still, you, a light drinker, have the
distinct advantage of being the only cold sober player left in the
game.

Your partner for the next set is an LM several times over with an
annoying tendency to mastermind the auction.  Your opponents,
meanwhile, are your two regular partners, solid players both but with
the tendency to overbid when playing together.  All of these traits
are magnified when the hour is late and the players have had a bit to
drink.

On deal one, you bid and make a spade partial.  Then comes the fateful
second deal.  As East, in second seat, red vs. white, you hold:

                       xx  QTxx  Qxxx  9xx

North burps and passes.  You do likewise, omitting the burp.  South
opens the bidding with two clubs, strong and forcing.  Partner leaps
majestically to four spades, then flashes a wicked smile at North that
says, "So there, swine, try to bid your slam now!"

North thinks, thinks, takes a swig of beer, and thinks some more.  The
opponents play step control responses over two club openers but have
never discussed what to do over four-level interference.  Is 4NT
natural?  Blackwood?  Unusual for the minors?  A step response?  Just
as you're about to nod off, North puts on his most resolute face and
announces, somberly, "Skip bid.  Six diamonds."

You pass, wondering how exactly on this dull holding did the bidding
depart you at pass and return at the six level.  South frowns, folds
his cards, and puts his head down on the table.  We need to invest in
screens, you think.  Thirty seconds later, South sighs and mumbles six
no trump.  Partner doubles viciously.  North winces.  He tanks again.
You begin to wonder if there's anything good on TV at this hour....

You detect a faint moan on your right.  "Seven clubs."  Pass, pass,
double, all pass.

South is declarer by virtue of the opening bid, so partner is on lead.
With a flourish, he tables the DA.  "Now why would he lead that card?"
you think.  If South has a diamond loser, it's surely not going anywhere.

A kibitzer who had been looking at South's hand slaps his forehead and
shrieks, "I think you led the one card that might let him make this
silly contract!!"  Your heart drops, and rightly so, for the full deal
is....

   Chicago                   x
   EW Vul.                   ---
   North Deals               KJTxxxx
                             JTxxx
                 AQTxxxx               xx
                 Jxxx                  QTxx
                 Ax                    Q9xx
                 ---                   9xx
                             KJ9
                             AK9xx
                             ---   
                             AKQxx 

                     W       N       E       S
                     -       pass   pass     2C
                    4S       6D     pass     6NT
                   Dbl       7C     pass     pass
                   Dbl       pass   pass     pass

South, a fine declarer, made short work of the contract.  He ruffed
the opening lead with the CA and discarded dummy's spade on the HA.
He then cashed the CK, ruffed a heart, cashed the DK and ruffed a
diamond.  Next came the SK on which West played the SA, and East's
comments will be left to the reader's imagination.  Ruff in dummy, D
ruff with the CQ to set up the suit, and South's carefully preserved
low club was the entry to dummy to draw trumps and run diamonds.  +1630.

South, laughing, apologized to North for his 2C opener ("I hadn't
picked up ten points for so long that I couldn't control myself with
twenty!").  North, howling, apologized for his 6D bid ("I wasn't sure
how you'd interpret 4NT or 5D, I didn't want to hear you bid hearts,
and I knew if I passed again I'd never convince you I was 7-5.")  The
kibitzers, their eyes tearing and sides splitting, proclaimed West's
double of 6NT to be one of the Ten Worst Bids in All Bridge History.
Even West couldn't help but laugh at himself as he explained why he
led the DA ("Partner was ahead too much tonight and I wanted to cut
down on his winnings!")

East sat there silent, stunned, staring at the good cards in dummy,
reflecting on the multiple bidding atrocities that led to this
debacle, and wondering what exactly constituted justifiable homicide
in the commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

Yes, I really was East and this really did happen to me on Saturday
night.  It's been a few days and I can now say with grace and
equanimity that despite the outcome it is one of the funniest bridge
stories I've ever been a part of.

By the way, my trial is set for April.

;-)

Nick
-- 
 Nick Straguzzi / GE Advanced Technology Labs / Moorestown NJ / (609) 866-6646
---------- nstraguz@atl.ge.com ----------- #include <stddisclaimer.h> ---------
                "Got no use for the tricks of modern times..."
							- Al Stewart