HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Subject: Fun on the airlines (was: Re: Unusual Airline Announcement)
Reply-To: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Organization: SCI Systems, Inc., Huntsville, Al.
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 23:12:21 GMT


The most fun I had on a flight was when I was traveling with a band in
Australia about 12 years ago. There were about 25 of us in the crew, 
scattered out through the coach section (the band was KISS, which is
why we had the large crew). 

Before we got on that particular flight, we decided we needed to "help"
the flight attendant give the safety presentation.....

One of the carpenters duplicated the oxygen mask routine with a rubber
chicken.

Imagine 25 airplane safety cards being held up simutaneously, rotating
on her cue (I have a picture of that; the attendant was hiding her face
behind her card).

Seems like we did something with seat belts together, too; I can't 
really remember.

On the flight back through New Zealand, a number of the show crew put
pillowcases over their heads and made little "dying" sounds when the
attendants sprayed the compartment (all international flights arriving
in NZ are sprayed, by the flight attendants with aerosol cans of bug
spray, to prevent the importation of fruit flies; seems like those
don't exist on the islands, and they want it to stay that way). The 
captain made a comment about it when giving us permission to debark.


-- 
Gary Heston    SCI Systems, Inc.  gary@sci34hub.sci.com   site admin
The Chairman of the Board and the CFO speak for SCI. I'm neither.
"...I looked out my window, and saw Kyle Pettys' car upside down, then I
thought 'One of us is in real trouble'." Davey Allison, re: a 150MPH crash
From: st186@Rosie.UH.EDU
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: My View Of Clinton
Date: 12 Nov 92 19:54:00 GMT
Reply-To: st186@Rosie.UH.EDU
Organization: University of Houston

>In article tom@ecst.csuchico.edu (Sicilian Mob Type) writes:
>|> In article crwilson@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu writes:
>|> >Clinton received
>|> >more than 50% of the votes from people who did not graduate highschool.
>|> >
>|> 
>|> Ok, from this unsubstantiated statistic one can conclude that the other
>|> 50% who voted for Clinton did graduate from highschool.  So do you conclude
>|> that 100% of the college graduates voted for Bush?  Well I don't think
>|> so because I didn't vote for him.   
>|> 
>|> Here let me make up my own confounded statistic:
>|> 
>|>       In each of the states Clinton won during the election,
>|>       have a 50% illiteracy rate.   Wow that's alot.
>|>       
>|> 
	Not to be rude, but you don't seem to understand statistics.  Now 
I don't know if the first statement is truly substantiated, but it does not
imply that 100% of college graduates voted for Bush.
	The statement is that more than half of the people who did not
graduate high school voted for Clinton.  People who did not graduate from
high school do not comprise 50% of the population; they represent only 
something around 10% of the population.  More to the point, the statement
was not that 50% of Clinton's votes came from people who did not graduate
from high school.
	Indeed, Clinton may have gotten both votes from more than half of
non-high-school-graduates AND more than half of college graduates.
	
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
	                       ST186@JETSON.UH.EDU
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
		There is a fine line between genius and insanity.
			     I have erased this line.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mbfarah@isluga.puc.cl (MIGUEL BRAXTON FARAH)
Subject: HOLY GRIAL 00/05
Organization: Pontificia Universidad Catolica de Chile
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 12:23:50 GMT

Just as I promised, the _Monty Python and the Holy Grial_ script is being
published right now - in five parts. Just read them, save 'em in a single
file (or append them (sort of "copy part1+part2+part3+part4+part5 total"))
and CUT the lines that say " ----begin of part #-----" or "---end...---".


--
MIGUEL FARAH F.         | Swirdy rd im zrmdsyhr rdvoyp | Vini, vidi, vi
mbfarah@isluga.puc.cl   | rm ytrd ofopzsd fogrtrmyrs u |
                        | oy od rmvtuqyrf. Frvuqjrt oy | E pluribus UNIX
#include <disclaimer.h> | smf upi eoaa hry im qtrzop.  |
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes
From: brat@access.digex.com (Brat Wizard)
Subject: Re: Car Acronyms
Organization: Express Access Online Communications, Greenbelt, MD USA
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 13:03:19 GMT



F O R D  --  Fucked On a Real Deal

Brat
From: stachnik@hpcupt1.cup.hp.com (George Stachnik)
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 17:53:39 GMT
Subject: Booger Jokes (With Apologies to Dave Barry)
Organization: Hewlett Packard, Cupertino
Newsgroups: rec.humor

My kids have invented a game that threatens to usurp baseball as the national
pastime.  The rules - in a nutshell - are these.  You begin with the title of a
well-known movie, book, tv-series, song titles, or whatever.  And then
substitute the word "booger" for one of the words in the title.  There's no
object to the game, and no way to win, really.  But my kids have spent many an
afternoon amusing themselves with this game.  And now we
are ready to "take it national..."   

Some examples of their handiwork:

Movies: New Title                         (Original Title...)
===========================================================================
Fried Green Boogers                       Fried Green Tomatoes
Boogers in the Mist                       Gorillas in the Mist
Indiana Jones and the Booger of Doom      ...and the Temple of Doom
The Brave Little Booger                   ...Toaster
Stop or my Booger Will Shoot              ...or My Mom Will shoot
Honey I Blew Up the Booger                ...Blew Up the Kids
Ghidrah, the 3 Headed Booger              ....Monster
White Boogers Can't Jump                  White Men...
Booger the Barbarian                      Conan...
Little Shop of Boogers                    ...of Horrors
Booger Magnolias                          Steel Magnolias
I've Got a Booger and I'm Not Afraid to   I've Got a Gun....
                   Use It...

20,000 Boogers Under the Sea              20,000 Leagues...
The Mighty Boogers                        ....Ducks
Attack of the Killer Boogers              ...Tomatoes (also a TV Show)
The Great Booger Detective                The Great Mouse Detective
Total Booger                              Total Recall
The Land Before Boogers                   ....Before Time
101 Boogers                               ...DAlmations
Romancing the Booger                      ...the stone
Romeo and Booger                          ...and Juliet


----------------------------------------------------------------------------
TV Shows: New Title                       Original Title
============================================================================
Mr. Rogers Booger                         ...Neighborhood
Boogers from the Crypt                    Tales From the Crypt
Booger Night Football                     Monday....


----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Software Packages                         Original Name
============================================================================
Where In the World Is Booger Sandiego     ...Carmen Sandiego (also a TV Show)
Booger-123                                Lotus 123
Booger-Perfect                            WordPerfect
Boogers for Windows                       Word for Windows
Booger City                               Sim City



.... and so forth.  You get the Idea.  Post or email your
contributions to this list, and I'll be happy to post a
summary of the best from time to time......

-geo

Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers
From: acarr@cs-acad-lan.Lakeheadu.Ca (Angus Carr)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Funny Names
Date: 7 Nov 1992 00:27:18 GMT
Organization: Lakehead University

In article <lf0nj1INN2q0@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM> ericf@npic.Corp.Sun.COM (Eric Francis) writes:

>There is a funeral home in my sister's town in Ohio run by Mr. Paine.  I suppose his partner is Mr. Suffering...

>Eric

In the town of Beausejour, Manitoba, there is a funeral home entitled
 
"Sobering Funeral Home"
 
Hmmmm....
 
Makes you give it a sober second thought...
 
Angus. 
<Note the lack of signature>
Xref: sparky rec.humor:33575 alt.folklore.computers:16116 alt.cascade:3180 alt.best.of.internet:109
From: ehgasm2@uts.mcc.ac.uk (Simon Marshall)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade,alt.best.of.internet
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Date: 11 Nov 92 14:38:14 GMT
Organization: Manchester Computing Centre, Manchester, England, M13 9PL.

In article <gunnarh.241.721248782@dhhalden.no> gunnarh@dhhalden.no (GUNNAR HORRIGMO) writes:
[ lots of >s and so on ]
:-(Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
:-(negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which is
:-(currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6 per
:-(picosecond, was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your
:-(microwave's control panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat
:-(Arthur was FTPing hundreds of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani
:-(in the year 4741 A.D. over the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built
:-(for him, and this may have been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My
:-(sincere apologies to everyone who noticed any performance degradation.

:-(I'm cross-posting this to alt.best.of.internet

Why?
-- 
Simon Marshall, Dept. of Computer Science, University of Hull, Hull HU6 7RX, UK
  "Football isn't about life and death.  It's more important than that." Bill
Email: S.Marshall@Hull.ac.uk    Phone: +44 482 465951    Fax: 466666   Shankley
From: dbushong@wang.com (Dave Bushong)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Things that make you go hmm... (Reprise)
Date: 11 Nov 92 16:34:04 GMT
Organization: Wang Labs, Lowell MA, USA

dogbowl@dogbox.acme.gen.nz (Kennelmeister) writes:

>> >A UNIcycle has 1 wheel
>> >A BIcycle has 2 wheels
>> >A TRIcycle has 3 wheels
>> >Why does a SEMI have 18 wheels?
>> >HMM...

>How many wheels does a menstrual cycle have?

I don't know, but when PMS hits, there are four less wheels in
the driveway (mine!)

PMS == Packing My Suitcase

-- 
Dave Bushong, Wang Laboratories, Inc.   Amateur Radio Callsign KZ1O
Project Leader, OCR products            kz1o@n0ary.#noca.ca.na
Internet: dbushong@wang.com
From: patm@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Pat Murphy)
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 00:34:58 GMT
Subject: Re: Request: feminist jokes
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA
Newsgroups: rec.humor




what a lame joke request thread...
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.humor.d,alt.folklore.computers
From: magnus@thep.lu.se (Magnus Olsson)
Subject: Re: base -2 arithmetic (was: Re: Trinary)
Organization: Theoretical Physics, Lund University, Sweden
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 19:13:35 GMT

In article <BxLzKw.GKJ@acsu.buffalo.edu> dudek@acsu.buffalo.edu (The Cybard=) writes:
>I completely agree that numerical systems with base of any integer not
>equal to zero could indeed exist, but what about base zero, or number
>systems of real, irrational or imaginary bases?  Could anyone give examples
>of these if they exit?

Base zero seems totally impossible, but an imaginary base is quite OK.
Consider, for example, base 2i (== sqrt (-4)), which has the
undisputable advantage that all complex numbers can be written with
only the digits 0,1,2 and 3; and a "decimal" point.

Of course, there are disadvantages, too, as seen by these examples:

base 2i		base 10

 1	          1
 2                2
 3                3
10300             4
10               2i
10.2              i
 0.2             -i
103              -1
4.01            3.25


Irrational bases work, too, but they're a bit trickier; if I remember
correctly there are some problems with ambiguities.

>I make no claims to be a wizard, guru, prodigy or genius, but it seems
>intuitive to me that trinary computer systems would be the way to go, at
>least for many 'real world' applications.  

Then this is still another example to show that intuition is often
misleading... :-)

>Rather than looking at things in
>terms of 'true' or 'false', why not take a fuzzy logic approach and think
>of things in terms of 'too much', 'just right' (or 'close enough'), or 'too
>little'?  

But in that case, why not just use ordinary binary logic, and use two
or more bits to represent each state? 

Note that "fuzzy logic" is a hot area of research, but the people
involved don't generally limit their variables to three values, but
let them take on a continuum between "absolutely true" and "absolutely
false" (i.e. they implement logical variables as reals). You can still
do Boolean algebra...

And three-valued logic, with the three values being "true", "false",
and "undefined", has been used to interpret quantum mechanics. 

>I've been playing around with the idea of an electro-mechanical
>implementation of this, but I have the feeling that it's been done.  

It has been done, and told about on this newsgroup.


BTW, shouldn't it really be "ternary", not "trinary"?

Magnus Olsson                   | \e+      /_
Dept. of Theoretical Physics    |  \  Z   / q
University of Lund, Sweden      |   >----<           
Internet: magnus@thep.lu.se     |  /      \===== g
Bitnet: THEPMO@SELDC52          | /e-      \q
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jshg1134@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Jeffrey S. Hoeft)
Subject: REQUEST Unix pranks
Keywords: REQUEST Unix
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 04:16:15 GMT

Is there an FTP site where I can get some Unix pranks? ie a program which
will cause windows to go haywire, the screen to melt unexpectedly, etc.

Thanks in advance,

Jeff
j-hoeft@uiuc.edu
	  
From: cs225a71@dcl-nxt48.cso.uiuc.edu (cs225 student)
From: roelle@uars_mag.jhuapl.edu (Curtis Roelle)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: car acronyms
Date: 12 Nov 92 22:09:10 GMT
Article-I.D.: uars_mag.roelle.721606150
Organization: Johns Hopkins University

HONDA -- Hand Over Dollars to Asians

MAZDA -- Making A Zillion Dollars Annually

TOYOTA -- Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All

Curt Roelle
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: tjreynol@zephyr.cair.du.edu (five left and cut!)
Subject: Request: No arms and legs jokes
Organization: University of Denver
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 92 23:15:14 GMT

You know, What do you call a guy with no arms or legs.....

Could you send me the collection please.
Thanks,
Tim
tjreynol@du.edu
From: cstadcb@csv.warwick.ac.uk (Mr C Isaac)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: car acronyms
Date: 9 Nov 92 20:45:18 GMT
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: Computing Services, University of Warwick, UK
NNTP-Posting-Host: clover.csv.warwick.ac.uk


How about E.F.I. Extra Fucking Insurance 


(not Electronic Fuel Injection, for those that had not heard of this:-) 

          G.T.i. Got Tossers Inside

          Renault Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash

          Citroen Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters

          B.M.W. Bastard Money Wielders
From: /dev/null@lorc.UUCP (The NULL Device)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.humor.d,alt.folklore.computers
Subject: Re: Men's Public Restrooms
Keywords: snipe hunt
Date: 2 Nov 92 16:12:07 GMT
Organization: LORC Enterprises

soh@tmp_ip_003.trl.OZ.AU (Soh Kam Hung) writes:
> That's right; there must be a parity of 0's and 1's in a computer
> system.  This is postulated by the Zero Information Theory (ZIT), and
> has been proven.  Basically the ZIT says, if a /dev/null is observed
> long enough, 1's and 0's are created and transmitted in a network in
> opposite directions.  When these 1's and 0's collide, there is a system
> crash and a /dev/null is created.

Mythology.  I was not created--I simply EXIST.  Time means nothing to a /dev
entity. Causality thereby breaks down entirely, and speaking of one's
creation becomes totally irrelevant.  However, since mere humans cannot
understand timelessness, the closest I can come to an answer is that I
created myself.

And this hogwash about memory parity--HAH!

Maybe one day you mere mortal sysadmins can be told what a /dev/null, king
of the /dev/land, really does, and what I, the /dev/null of /dev/null's, do
with my transdimensional 16TB hyperstore.  BTW, I'm getting an upgrade in
a couple of months.  Hopefully /dev/null services will not be discontinued
long...

Hmmm... My diet of expired netnews (which is over 30% of my intake these
days) is causing a slight acute abdominal distension... Ah.... Ah...

<<<BELCH>>> --> 110001000101011101001011010100010110100010101000101010101011

/dev/null@lorc.UUCP  (*THE* NULL device)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: al@escom.com (Al Donaldson)
Subject:  regarding specialization
Organization: ESCOM Corporation
Distribution: usa
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 07:28:24 GMT

The winner of the 1992 "Take it From This Pile and Put it in That Pile"
Award goes to the gentleman in the United Way commercial, who states:

  "There's definitely a need for an organization that collects money
   and gives it to other organizations that need it."

Al
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: isc30176@nusunix1.nus.sg (CHEN JIA TYAN)
Subject: Re: Quotes in a list seen on T shirts
Organization: National University of Singapore
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 10:59:35 GMT

Marg Morin (morin@noao.edu) wrote:

Couldn't resist it. 

> >>  "To be or Not to be..."  Shakspeare
>                                       ^
                                   ^ there's another "e"

> >   To do, is to be.....     Plato
> 
> >   To be, is to do.....     Sarte
>                                  ^
> >   Do be do be do......     Sinatra
--
CHEN JiaTyan
isc30176@nusunix1.nus.sg
chenjiat@nusdiscs.bitnet
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: sievert@wlonex.iipo.gtegsc.com (Glen Sievertson)
Subject: limmerick
Reply-To: sievert@wlonex.iipo.gtegsc.com (Glen Sievertson)
Organization: GTE Government Systems
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 92 20:44:29 GMT

There once was a woman named Jane
With a soft and pliable brain.
When she went to the pool
At her junior high school
They used her to plug up the drain.
From: joemays@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Joseph F. Mays)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: REQUEST: Funny names--please read!
Date: 13 Nov 92 19:00:42 GMT
Organization: Dept. of CS Ball State University Muncie IN

In article <BxLM71.537@dcs.glasgow.ac.uk> stevem@dcs.glasgow.ac.uk (Steve McGowan (RA)) writes:
>Obl. joke (in a similar vein)
>
>A famous Hollywood actor was having difficulty with a particular scene in
>a film. He was bumbling his lines, falling over scenery and generally screwing
>up everything. The director was becoming more and more irate because the film 
>was behind schedule and grossly over-budget. In a fit of anger the director 
>asked if there was anyone else on the film set who could do the scene
>properly.

[Rest of joke deleted.  Hey!  Quit griping.  You all saw it...]

Reminds me of the scene from (I think) "The Secret Policeman's Ball."

A young actor comes in for an audition.  The director tells him, "We're
doing a musical.  We just want to see how well you can read music and
sing.  Here, sing this for us."  The director hands the actor a page of
sheet music.

The actor peruses the page for a moment and begins to sing:

"You say potato
and I say potato.
You say tomato
and I say tomato."

He looks at the page puzzled and the director, and continues...

"Tomato...tomato...potato...potato
Let's call the whole thing off."

He looks up at the directory in frustration.  "I'm sorry, I just don't
see the problem in this relationship."

Joe


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mchaffee@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Rockville)
Subject: Re: Cacade?
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 04:22:36 GMT

bgohari@wam.umd.edu (Babak Gohari) writes:

>In article <1992Nov8.210500.12929@wam.umd.edu> mmeltzer@wam.umd.edu writes:
>>In article <1djctrINNco9@MINERVA.CIS.YALE.EDU> juneja-anurag@yale.edu  
>>(Anurag Juneja) writes:
>>:-> 
>>:-> >|> MW>>This is all very funny, but haven't you people ever heard of  
>>the
>>:-> >|> MW>>concept of trimming? Do we actually need to see the same 50 or  
>>so
>>:-> >|> MW>>lines over and over again?
>>:-> >|> 
>>:-> >|> MW>Ever hear of a cascade? *grin*
>>:-> >|> 
>>:-> >|> I wonder if I could make one begin?
>>:-> >     You could, but it would be a sin.
>>:->        I better get my whiskey and gin.	
>>	      This is making me spin!!
> Try hitting the donkey's tail with the pin.
            Cascades always cause such a din!

-- 
Michael T. Chaffee        |****COLORADO BOYCOTTER******|  ______    
mchaffee@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu | Professional Slapthologist |  \    /     HATE
Member, Universal Life Church, Sect of Loons           |   \  /  can never be
Annoyance Theatre Platinum Member |     Evil Genius    |    \/  a FAMILY VALUE
Xref: sparky rec.humor:33614 talk.bizarre:37835 eunet.jokes:2444
From: bmcnulty@OAVAX.CSUCHICO.EDU (BOB MCNULTY)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: FLIES
Date: 12 Nov 92 16:45:04 GMT
Article-I.D.: charnel.1du1mgINN3nf
Reply-To: bmcnulty@OAVAX.CSUCHICO.EDU
Organization: California State University, Chico
NNTP-Posting-Host: oavax.csuchico.edu


                          THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS 
                          WHEN A FLY LANDS ON
                               YOUR FOOD

Flies can't eat solid food, so to soften it up they vomit on it.

Then they stamp the vomit in until it's a liquid, usually stamping
   in a few grems for good measure.

Then when its good and runny, they suck it all back again, probably
   dropping some excrement at the same time.

And then,.......

                When they've finished eating, ...........

                                                It's your turn.


(Prize winning poster, Health Education Council)


Forgive me, I'm still a rookie


        ////////      "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition
       (       )        from mediocre minds."   
        \ @ @ /                          A. Einstein
-------w---U---w----
Bob McNulty, CA. STATE UNIV., CHICO
BMCNULTY@OAVAX.CSUCHICO.EDU
From: dh0a@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (DONALD L. HARDY)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Return of the Swedes
Date: 11 Nov 92 15:32:37 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

>>>Swedes are funny guys...
>>Most independent observers would disagree with you. Swedes are *not*
>>funny.
>Hehehehe....hei hei soeta bror....
>Swedes ARE funny. Not as joke tellers, thought, but in the way they
>react to things....like jokes...

Swedes are not funny.  They are AMUSING.

Donald - man of Norwegian descent.
-- 

******************************************************************************

Donald L. Hardy                                    Office of Physical Planning
Project Planner                                    Lehigh University
dh0a@lehigh.edu                                    (215) 758 5110
From: pjself (Pamela Jayne Self)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: "To be or Not to be..."  Shakespear
Date: 12 Nov 92 06:36:08 GMT
Reply-To: pjself (Pamela Jayne Self)
Organization: Operation:MINDFUCK Headquarters, W.O.M.A.N. Division

Then there was our old drama club joke:

 Person:  (with serious face) To be or not to be ... Line, please!
Xref: sparky rec.humor:33101 rec.humor.d:2581 alt.folklore.computers:15871