From: kaufmanj@UCS.ORST.EDU (John Kaufman)
Subject: Making a change
Organization: University Computing Services - OSU
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 18:17:46 GMT

For the past few weeks I have been diligently reading the articles posted in
this newsgroup. Some of them have been enlightening, at least enough for me
to feel like the anguish I have as a divorced father is shared by many. Yet
reading day after day people posting their personal experiences it makes me
realize that I don't want to become as bitter as so many seem to have gotten.
Don't misunderstand; I think a forum where people can express their pain and
anger is healthy, but I see that this medium could be used for so much more.
We all (or almost all) agree there exist tremendous inconsistancies and   
injustices in the laws affecting divorced parents. Why not use this national
sounding board for realistic discussion on how we can change the system. We 
have a great resource of people, both men and women, who are intelligent and
willing to take part in sharing constructive ideas on how we can make the
system equal for both sides.

Here is a partial list of things that should be discussed, honestly, by both
sides, to try to come up with something we could possibly submit to our
legislators.

True Joint custody: the idea that both parents have the responsibility of
                    raising their children. "Visitation" is not parenting,
                    children should be able to spend as much time as they
                    want with either parent.

Child support:      If we are to assume the legal system wants parents to
                    share the finacial burden of children equally, then
                    mothers should be able to show where their portion is
                    going, not just claim its being used to house and feed
                    the children. Child support levels need to be re-evaluated
                    to get closer to levels that non-divorced parents spend on
                    their children. Do parents in an intact family spend
                    $1200 a month on three children for necessities? If so,
                    there must be some families out there that make a hell og
                    alot of money.
\                   Fathers who are faithfull about keeping up child support
                    should be given tax incentives to keep up the good work!
                    The way the system is put together now, it encourages non
                    support by placing extreme conditions on divorced fathers.
                    If I pay X dollars a month for child support when my
                    children are with their mother, then shouldn't their
                    mother (in all fairness) pay me X dollars a month when
                    the children are living with me? If she can't do that,
                    doesn't it imply that she is not putting up her share of
                    the finacial burden when the children are in her care?

I know these ideas and thoughts will cause controversy from both sides. I'm
not trying to start flame wars, I am trying to get a feeling of where people
stand on what is fair TO THE CHILDREN and to both parties who wish to parent.

Perhaps at the time of filing for divorce both parents should sign a document
stating their parenting intentions: perhaps some fathers would just as soon
make support payments to the mother and let her have the responsibility of
raising the child. If both sign with intentions of sharing the parenting, then
fathers should be guaranteed just as much time with their children as the 
mother receives, as long as he supports the children whether they are with him
or not.

Obviously there is much to discuss, and FAIRNESS is the guideline. No flames
please, let's make a conscious effort to keep emotion to a minimum. There are
an incredible number of divorced parents out there, and that constitutes a lot
of voting power. We can effect changes but we have to be FAIR and united.

We also need accurate and verifiable statistics. Is that an oxymoron?

john kaufman


Standard disclaimer- no body can take responsibility for what I say- not even
                     me.

Xref: sparky alt.child-support:1138 alt.dads-rights:677