From: mece1xg@menudo.uh.edu (purna)
Subject: Re: Are IAs close-minded ? (Re: Parental authority
Organization: Dept. of Wizardry, Univ. of Houston
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 16:37:53 GMT

howdy!

In article <92282.212430AXM128@psuvm.psu.edu> ARIJIT MAHALANABIS <AXM128@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:

[...stuff deleted...]
>But I believe Mr. Vij said something about the
>inconsideration of the Indian culture for the individual. I think you are
>looking at it from only the western point of view. Some times I tend to look
>at things from only an Indian point of view. This skews my perception of
>the object/concept I'm viewing. I think you are also a victim of this problem.
>You see, one can perceive this society (America) as completely obsessed with
>the individual, to the point where nothing but the gain of the individual
>matters. You will probably call this statement inaccurate as it probably is.
>Yet, looking at it from the point of view of Indian family and social
>tradition this is exactly the case in the west.

agreed.  as i mentioned in a previous post, we all have different
backgrounds and ideas that skew oru perspective of an issue in a
particular way. however, you continue...

>Similarly, one can look at India as you have and see that the philosophy of
>the land does not leave room for individuality. I guess what I'm trying to
>say perhaps not so succiently, is that one must be moderate in one's outlook.

couldn't have said it better myself!

>I cannot say that the Indian family structure doesn't allow any individuality.
>Indeed the nurturing of the children by the parents is intended to create
>individuals not stifle them.

hmmm.....maybe.  although, that depends on the parents, of course.
many of the parents who came to the u.s. are looking for oppurtunity
and a "better life" for themselves as well as their kids.  of course,
there are those (like my folks) who only planned to come, make lots
of money, then go back.  things don't always work out as planned.

of those parents who stay, i notice a trend on the way they raise
their kids.  because the parents are usually driven, they try
and instill that drive for success in their kids.  nothing wrong
with that, except that "success" means different things to different
people.  in the case of many indian parents, "success" is usually
defined in terms of education and money.  hence, they tend to push
their kids in professions of medicine or engineering, both of which
are very noble professions.

you talk about nurturing creating individuals.  agreed, but in whose
mind?  a parent may see one kind of individual, but the child sees
a different one.  if you have a child and he wants to be a rock star,
what would you say?  what if he wishes to drop out of school, or not
go to college?  would you support these "individualistic" decisions?
before you think i'm picking on you, *I* wouldn't like my child to
do these things at all.  instead, i too would like him/her to go
and find a cure for AIDS, make lots of money, and let me retire at
the age of 50, with him/her supporting me, of course :) :) :)

 Perhaps, some II parents go awry in this process
>or some perhaps do not understand this aspect of it. And that may cause
>discontent. Another aspect of the Indian family that may not appeal to IA's
>is the idea of the offspring actually paying back the parents by fending for
>them when they grow too old. Perhaps this can be construed to be stifling as
>Mr. Vij puts it.

no, i don't think that was his point.  at least, i hope not.  as for me,
i am perfectly happy and WILLING to support my parents when they are
ready to retire and settle down for good.  i personally feel that's
it honorable and the right thing to do.  however, the individualness
would come from HOW did i earn this money to support them?  (note,
i am using the term "earn" to refer to LEGAL and ETHICAL means of
acquiring money).  would it be a problem if i earned it as a doctor
or an engineer?  how about restaurant owner?  ok, a gambling casino
owner in las vegas?  movie star? chauffeur?  janitor? cook?  how
about a foreign diplomat?  senator?  bartender?

these are a few of the many possible professions a person may chose,
yet are these all considered viable options that a parent would
like his child to make?

>But I can say that the culture of the United States is too geared towards
>the individual. For example, my mother, who is a diabetic and chronic
>sufferer of hypertension experienced an attack of palpitations some time
>ago. I wanted to call 911 but my mother told me not to because of financial
>considerations. I thought it best not to agitate her and called a friend
>to see if she could drive my mother to the E.R. as we don't have a car. The
>friend replied that she had to feed her child and would take a while. I tried
>to impress upon her that this was an emergency. But she would hear none of
>it. With no other option, we waited with my mother's condition becoming
>weaker.
>
>One and a half hours later, the friend arrived and took her sweet time to
>get to the hospital. This, in my opinion is what happens when the concept
>of individuality is carried too far to the point where one becomes selfish and
>only concerned with one's own world. This is what I see in America.

hmmm....first, i think you made a BIG mistake.  your reason for not
calling 911 s not a good one, ESPECIALLY if you were waiting 1-1/2
HOURS!!! that was very poor judgement on your part.  second, why
didn't you call someone else when the first friend said they
were delayed?    i agree that this so-called friend was being
selfish in her motives.  this is a good example of taking "individuality"
too far AS WELL AS the opposite!  if you had not been so concerned
about your mother's feelings, you might have called an ambulance.
in this case, your feelings for the family (money consideration)
over-rode your (i'm sure) natural reaction.

>But you see both my vision of the west and your vision of India are skewed.
>Neither is free of bias. In the end all we can deduce is that there are
>extreme cases in both cultures. But one should not judge or stereotype a
>culture on the basis of a limited experience. Two more cents from me.
>
>Arijit.

good point!

peace,
-purna
Newsgroups: alt.culture.us.asian-indian