From: bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: BROKEN HEART
Date: 5 Nov 1992 03:03:42 GMT
Organization: U.C. Berkeley, CS Undergraduate Association
NNTP-Posting-Host: soda.berkeley.edu

In article <1992Nov4.221751.26780@jetsun.weitek.COM> weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver) writes:
>In article <1d7u9mINNl0m@agate.berkeley.edu> bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan) writes:
>> [original stuff by me deleted to save space]
>When a guy tells a girl his 'true feelings', he is not just communicating 
>how he feels. He is also insisting that she react to how he feels. If she
>is not ready to react positively, she is going to react negatively. If on
>the other hand, the guy shows how he feels (which after all is hard not
>to do), she has the option of waiting and finding out more about the guy.
I see and agree with your point.  It does make sense the difference between
the two, now that you mention it.  But, for those ignorant of how to _show_
instead of _tell_, (ie. me) please tell me what you mean by show.

>Really, the only thing that will be ambiguous is
>what you want to do (be friends, be lovers, or whatever). It will be
>easiest for her to decide she wants to be more than friends if she is
>sure that you like her, but unsure what you would like to do.  
Hmmm, what if instead of deciding, since she might not have been totally
clear on your _show_ing, she askes you how you feel and you _tell_ her.
Does that still force her to decide as if you told her without her prompting?
For instance, if I like a girl (hypothetically, unfortunately) and because
I'm showing poorly, she asks me "Billy, do you like me as a friend or more?"
Should I tell the truth and say "more" (would that make her decided/forc ce
her to dec cide?)  

>Worrying about whether another guy is going to get to the girl first is
>a good way to mess up your efforts to win her. You aren't fighting
>the other guy, you are 'fighting' for her. It is more like a race than
>a fight, and in a race, and a good racer watches the ground ahead of
>him, not the other guys.  And this is a funny sort of race, because it
>rarely goes to the swift, but instead it usually goes to the one that
>hangs in there longest, without overdoing it or quitting.
I'm sorry, but can you be a little more specific on this point?  I mean,
if two guys happen to be after the same girl, isn't it hard not to try
to notice what the other guy's doing and compensate?  I mean, shouldn't
you make sure to look ahead and react if the other racer's ahead of you?
For instance, the other guy gives her flowers, and she's stunned/flattered,
shouldn't you pay attention and react in someway (like give her something
(different kinds of flowers perhaps? or box of candy (sheesh, I sound old/
old-fashion)) ?
Of course, since I haven't really been put in this situation (though close
to it), I'm not really speaking from true experience.
Oh, and THanks for the response.
-- 
----------------------------------------------------------------
Billy H. Chan 	<bhchan@ocf.berkeley.edu>   "Life: a strange new
Just Babbling   <bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu>   state of confusion"
Disclaimer 1:   I'm actually a really nice person. (sorta) :) ;)
Newsgroups: alt.romance