From: jsax@vax5.cit.cornell.edu
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Common Sense and Participation
Date: 12 Jan 93 09:11:57 EST
Distribution: misc
Organization: Cornell University


> 
> 	Research and my OWN research/observations have shown a definitive split
> in this discussion.  Professional parents CAN have healthy
> (mentally/physcially) children.  Stay-at-home parents the same.  There IS NO
> DEFINITIVE solution to the dilemna of how to deal with the kids;  they're
> different in their needs as anyone else.  One child might benefit wholly from
> mon-n-dad being gone all day...I've several friends that were like this, and
> they're on my top ten list of persons I admire for their life skills.  And yet,
> there's another whose parents were involved heavily in her activities, and yet
> she's just as strong and able as her male counterparts.  
> 
> 	Children simply need to know that they're loved and wanted.  That
> they've got Mom-n-Dad on their side.  That's it.  It's that easy.  I know, I'm
> a SOON-TO-BE parent, and there's a lot of difference between saying and doing,
> and only experience can truly teach.  But we ARE all human beings, yes?  We all
> have those certain basic needs proscribed by humanity.  
> 
> 	Nothing's foolproof, there's no ultimate way of raising a child.  In
> fact, raising my child isn't going to be the hard part.  It's the first 1-1 1/2
> that scares me to death!  
> 
> 	I've seen both sides of the coin as a child and as an adult (I'm 25
> now, though I don't feel it yet!)...Children are all the same in this regard. 
> It's not the toys, it's not the foods, it's not the TV shows.  It's how they
> feel about themselves that's important, and that comes directly from M-n-D, and
> how THEY feel about themselves and about Jr.  I'll be frank, this pregnancy is
> definitely NOT planned, but I realize the implications of any negative images
> the baby EVEN AT THIS STAGE may contract.  Children need a moderated happy
> atmosphere for proper maturation.  And this comes from the single-minded
> dedication to your child's happiness.  Sounds easier than doing, with all the
> stresses you have to deal with every day?  Yes and no.
> 
> 	Yes, it all comes crashing down at the exact moment Jr. decides it's
> time to play rocket ranger throughout the whole house, running and screaming.
> 
> 	But no, just take a deep breath, see things from his perspective.  Life
> is new and full of all these exciting things.  Yes, he does need temprament so
> he doesn't get too carried away, but don't restrain that enthusiasm for life.
> 
> 	Just my thirty-five cents

These comments are not worth thirty-five cents.  This stuff reminds me of that
movie "Love Story."  Remember "Being in love means never having to say you're
sorry."  Well here we have loving your children means never having to do
anything; in fact it might be better for them if the parents weren't around at
all.  This, I think, is more a reflection on the parents than the children.

Yes, children, even abused children, seem to do OK.  This by no means indicates
taht it is OK to abuse them or to ignore them.  Children, probably like just
about everything in this world, do BETTER the greater the effort involved. You
could probably grow OK tomatoes if you threw enough seeds out the window.
However, if you create a garden that you constantly attend it's my guess that
you'll have more and better tomatoes. 

Newsgroups: misc.kids,soc.men,alt.atheism,alt.sex.wizards