From: saseph@hal.unx.sas.com (Ed Hughes)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.mst3k
Subject: "War of the Redenbachers," from "Godzilla vs. Megalon"
Keywords: Redenbacher, Godzilla, Megalon, popcorn, anger
Date: 14 Apr 92 16:00:32 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: SAS Institute Inc.
Originator: saseph@hal.unx.sas.com
X-Bytes: 4156

I just finished this, and thought others might enjoy it.
I've already sent it to the SOLN, care of Rich.

"The War of the Redenbachers," from "Godzilla vs. Megalon"
----------------------------------------------------------
T: Tom  C: Crow  J:Joel
[Crow is dressed as Orville, complete with a head full of
 cotton, big glasses, a white shirt with red suspenders,
 and a red bow tie.  Tom is dressed as the  grandson.
 His head is filled with popcorn and he wears a black
 "Big Boy-styled" wig, big glasses, a white shirt collar,
 and a red bow tie.  A large bowl of popcorn sits between
 Crow and Tom.]

T: Boy, Grampa, I sure am enjoying this Godzilla movie.
   [kissing up] And hey--I sure enjoy being your grandson!
C: [unmoved] Ah, keep talking, Buddy!  You know, I certainly
   have amassed a fortune, donning dorky bow ties, weaselly
   glasses, and Big Boy-styled haircuts!
T: [not listening] Yeah, sure, whatever you say Gramp.  You
   know, Grampa, I was looking through some Italian fashion
   portfolios, and there's some great new looks out!  You know,
   maybe we can hire a fashion consultant, and--
C: Shut up, you little cretin, it's my fortune and I'll
   decide how we wear our hair!
T: But--but Gramps, what good is having a bazillion-dollar
   popcorn empire if no sweet chick will breed with me?
C: Listen to yourself, Buddy!  It's part of the Proud Popcorn
   Creed to be without the love of a woman!
T: [not buying it] Uh-huh.
C: How can we concentrate on genetically improving our popcorn
   if we have extremely abundant members of the weaker sex
   parading up and down the rows of our High-Yield, Super Chief,
   Double Whammy, Ganga-Ganga corn? [he digresses]...sweet fruit
   juices anointing their bodies...come on, how would that look?
T: [frustrated] Well--I still want one!
C: Oh--Buddy, get ahold of yourself, man--we're scientists!
T: [unenthused] Yeah--sorry, Gramps.  Hey--can I ask you
   a question?
C: [disinterested] Of course.
T: When will you be dying, you twisted old ferret?!  Heh, heh,
   heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!
C: Buddy, stop tormenting me!  I'm your grandfather!  We're of the
   same blood!  We're of popcorn!
T: I'm sorry, Gramps, but I can't stop thinking of all that money!
   I'm really looking forward to the day when you shed your spotty,
   pockmarked, morl--mortal coil, I shed my geeky image, sign on a
   full-time hairstylist, take dance lessons, and disappear into
   the night!!!  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!
C: Buddy, you're gonna disappear into the night right now, if you
   don't shut up!  Don't think I haven't thought of disowning you!
   I relish the thought--nightly, nightly, do you hear me?!  NIGHTLY!!
T: [changing the topic] Ah, did I mention that our new Lite has
   one-third the calories of our regular popcorn?
C: Whadda *you* care; you can't afford it, you're flat busted!
T: [starting to lose his composure] And our new--Popcorn Au Gratin
   has real cheese flavor!
C: Good, you should get used to it; you're going to be eating a *lot*
   [Tom sobs] of cheese!  Government cheese!!
T: Oh--why do you always do this?! [loses it completely] I HATE YOU!!
   I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU!!!  Whatever happened to my real father, anyway?!
C: He's in the poor house, where I replaced him; just like I'm going to
   replace you if don't [Tom begins to bawl openly] shut up and do as I say!
   It's my will!  My will, not yours!!  I've got the keys to the kingdom!!
   I, me, my, I'M THE GOD, I'M THE GOD!!!! [continues, unintelligibly]
T: [screaming] I HATE YOU!!!!  I HATE YOU!!!!  I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!
   I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!
[Joel enters]
J: [soothingly] All right, all right, hey, hey, cut, cut?  Can we cut again?
   [Tom and Crow fall silent]  Okay, what we're gonna need--it's a thirty
   second spot [T: Ohhhh.], and try to mention the product more.  We also
   got, uh...[C: Okay.][Joel eats some of the popcorn] Commercial Sign,
   here, okay?
C: Ah.





-- 

Ed Hughes, SAS Institute  | "See no evil...well, maybe just a little...
Cary, NC                  |  yeah!"
                          | --Joel, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet,"
                          |          MST3000