From: jc@optimla.aimla.com (John VanHoozer)
Subject: Re: Call 1-900-IDIOT-VEEP: I'm Channelling Dannikins
Reply-To: jc@optimla.aimla.com (John VanHoozer)
Organization: OptImage Interactive Services Co., L.P.
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 92 15:38:35 GMT

In article <9208140706.AA06691@MIT.EDU>, dks@MIT.EDU (dks) writes:
|> X-        alt.politics.bush.usenet
|> X-Cc: GLASS@ADCALC.FNAL.GOV
|> 
|> 
|> 
|> A certain Cameron K. writes generously:
|>   >
|>   > You have to admit that with all the negative press he gets, Dan
|>   > Quayle hasn't become negative himself....
|> 
|> Yes, Cameron.  Zero -- signed or unsigned -- is still pretty close to zero.
|> 
|> 
|> Michael Glass (GLASS@ADCALC.FNAL.GOV) responds to Cameron:
|>   >
|>   > A sad fact about George Bush is that he is unable to speak more than
|>   > six consecutive sentences on ANY topic before he turns to criticizing
|>   > liberals, Democrats, or previous Democratic administrations.
|> 
|> 
|> Cameron is wisely silent, but Dannikins jumps right in:
|>   > 
|>   > Oh, yeah?  Well, Jimmy Carter was unable to speak more than *FIVE*
|>   > consecutive sentences.  Is that the kind of change the American People
|>   > want?  Increases?  I don't think so.  Jimmy Carter, Jimmy-Jimmy Carter.
|>   > Jimmy "October Surprise" Carter.  Jimmy "Debate Briefing Book" Carter.
|>   > And now they've got Bill Clitor is another failed governor of a small
|>   > state, that is Camp David, that is right here.  In the Mediterraneane.
|>   > Why, even George McGovern says Bill Clitor is a tax-and-spend Liberal.
|>   > And I may not have realized this before, ladies and gentlemen, but 
|>   > George McGovern is really much smarter than I am.  From the back.
|> 
|> 
|> Suppressing a grin, Michael proceeds with his analysis:
|>   >
|>   > George Bush's auto-blame mode is a ritual --
|> 
|> 
|> Dannikins, seized by a sudden thought, interrupts Michael dramatically:
|>   >
|>   > *YES*, it is a Ritual.  The American People believe in Ritual.
|>   > Rituals are in the Judeaeoe-Christian tradition.  In this century.
|>   > And Family Values are Rituals.  The American People want families.
|>   > Ritual families who invest in America.  Ladies and gentlemen, let
|>   > me tell you, yes, we're Putting Ritual People First.  No sound-bites.
|>   > And President Baker.  Let me tell you: I am *PROUD* to serve under
|>   > President Baker.  The Baker Administration.  Hillary can't bake.
|>   > But we have a real economic plan.  It is the tax break on the Ritual.
|>   > If the Liberal Democratic Homosexual Congress would pass our proposal
|>   > for the tax breaks on the Ritual, we wouldn't have the recession 
|>   > we're not in the triple-dip of.  The recession in which of we're not
|>   > the triple-dip.  The recession of which we're not stuck in the
|>   > triple-dip.  The recession of which we're not the triple-dip-stick,
|>   > that is, ladies and gentlemen, the Jimmy-Jimmy Carter Liberal Recession.
|> 
|> 
|> Ignoring Dannikins as best he can, Michael resumes his analysis:
|>   >
|>   > George Bush's auto-blame mode is a ritual.  It's formula is as fixed
|>   > as "now I lay me down to sleep."  If Mr. Bush is toasting the consul
|>   > from, say, Iceland, on the occasion of the signing of a new tele-
|>   > communications protocol, he will be sure to fault the old treaty
|>   > signed thirty years ago by one of his Democratic predecessors.  After
|>   > helicoptering over a volcano which swallowed up a major U.S. city, he
|>   > will complain that liberal Democrat leaders of Congress have stifled
|>   > his (heretofore nonexistant) plan to privatize Federal disaster relief.
|> 
|> 
|> Feeling that he ought to say *something* to all this, Dannikins bursts out:
|>   >
|>   > Well, *I* was in Iceland once.  Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell
|>   > you, it was a great occasion.  A great funeral for our Marines
|>   > who died when we restored Democracy in Iceland.  The American people
|>   > would be proud of their young men and women.  The bravest and the
|>   > best of the True Middle Class.  They served proudly in Iceland.  They
|>   > respect Middle Class Family Values.  And, ladies and gentlemen, let
|>   > me tell you: these great young people didn't wait for the Cultural
|>   > Elite.  They fought against the Cultural Elite, in the Faculty Lounges
|>   > and the Libraries and the Bookstores and the Kindergartens.  Let me
|>   > tell you, Bill Clitor is no mainstream moderate.
|> 
|> 
|> Michael, wearying now, concludes his analysis:
|>   >
|>   > Dan Quayle is the Spiro Agnew of this administration.  George Bush's
|>   > attack starts at sentence number seven, Quayle's leads right off with
|>   > sentence number one.  There is no relevant bit whatsoever.
|> 
|> 
|> Undaunted, triumphant, and glowing, Dannikins goes in for the kill:
|>   >
|>   > *Ladies* and *gentlemen*,
|>   > God Bless the American People!
|>   > and God Bless the United States of America!!
|>   > and GOD BLESS THE GREATEST NATION ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!
|> 
|> 
|> Tumultous applause follows, but Cameron is looking grim, and Michael has
|> only his ".sig" file for consolation:
|>                                     >
|>                                     |  Imagine a "smiley" here.  That makes
|>                                     |  everything O.K., doesn't it?
|> 
|> 
|> To which I can only add:            |  Now imagine an incumbent President
|>                                     |  in the White House.  That makes
|>                                     |  things even more O.K., doesn't it?
|> 
|> 
|> Dhanesh
|> dks@mit.edu
|> 
|> "Baker-Bush/Quayle in '92: Gag on the First Two, Get the Third One Free."




********************************************************************

Ah imagine that you never read the original posts and then see this
response.  I was intrigued but alas,  either my news server burped or
that damn kill line kicked in.  Ah, well.  At least I now only have
to read DQ related stuff.  Still a pity.


				jc

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