From: desai@blsouth.bss.com (Hiren Desai)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Politically Correct - PC
Date: 11 Dec 92 19:19:09 GMT
Organization: BellSouth Telecommunications - Science and Technology


+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|                                                                         |
|                            THE  PC  MANIFESTO                           |
|                                  V3.0                                   |
|                                                                         |
|               FEATURING A PC PRIMER AND REVISED PC LEXICON              |
|                                                                         |
|                By Saul Jerushalmy   &   Rens Zbignieuw X.               |
|                                                                         |
|                  COPYRIGHT 1992 - All Rights Reserved                   |
+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

"...In order to forge a cosmic accord of unprecedented unity and harmony,
The Politically Correct Movement demands that all people, regardless of
prior social preconditioning must accept the incipient world order that
will offer unlimited bliss and contentment.  Dammit." 

                             - Prof. Dr. Skippy "Houng Lau" Whitmore
                               Berkeley CA, 1965


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                 PC PRIMER
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Q:  WHAT IS P.C.?

PC stands for Politically Correct.  We of the Politically Correct
philosophy believe in increasing a tolerance for a DIVERSITY of cultures,
race, gender, ideology and alternate lifestyles.  Politically Correctness
is the only social and morally acceptable outlook.  Anyone who disagrees
with this philosophy is bigoted, biased, sexist, and/or closed-minded.

Q:  WHY SHOULD I BE PC?

Being PC is fun.  PCism is not just an attitude, it is a way of life!  PC
offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are undoing the social
evils of centuries of oppression.

Q:  HOW ELSE CAN I BE PC?

Oh, there are lots of ways.  For example, why buy regular ice cream when you
can buy "Rain Forest Crunch?"  Segrega..whoops..separate all of your garbage
into different containers:  glass, metal, white paper, blue paper, plastic,
etc.  Make sure that all your make-up has not been tested on animals.  Try to
find at least sixty ways to use your water; when you take a shower, brush your
teeth at the same time.  Then don't let the water go down the drain, use it to
irrigate your lawn.  Or better yet, replace your lawn with a vegetable garden.
Don't use aerosol.  And by all means, don't burn or deface our flag.  Remember,
as a citizen of the United States, your living in God's country.

If you are fortunate enough to know your ethnic heritage, dress the part!
Don't do drugs.  You should listen to at least one of the following PC
musicians:  U2, REM, Sinead O'Connor, Sting, or KD Lang.

Harrass people who wear fur coats.  Remind them that an innocent baby seal was
mercilessly clubbed.  Or just yell, "FUR."  They hate that.
And don't EVER eat meat.

Q:  WOW.  WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO BE PC?

Hug a tree.  Rejoice each day in our cultural differences, for they are what
gives flavour to our great country.  Get in touch with your sexual identity.
Check your refrigerator for freon leaks.  Subscribe to National Geographic.
Search it for neat non-Western cultural traditions and costumes.  After you read
it, use the paper as an alternative fuel source.
Try to wear clothes with Xs on them if they're all natural fibers.
     Above all, ALWAYS question authority!

Q:  BUT WAIT, I THOUGHT-

Don't worry, that's not important.

Q:  WELL, I'M NOT TOO SURE ABOUT THIS.

If you are feeling unsure about your motivation, just remember.  YOU ARE
RIGHT.  It's that simple.  You, as a PC social warrier, are right.

Q:  WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SEE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING NON-PC?

It all depends on the situation.  If you are not in a position of authority,
by all means report this activity immediately to whomever is in charge.  If
your school leader, employer, or superior is hip to the trend of the 90s,
she or he will take the necessary steps to have the insensitive offender
disciplined.

Q:  HOW CAN I LEARN TO MAKE MY LANGUAGE MORE POLITICALLY CORRECT?

For more help, see the PC LEXICON at the end of the handbook.

Q:  I'D LIKE MY CHILD TO BE PC.  WHAT CAN I DO?

Well, for one thing, we should forcibly encourage students to volunteer
their time with philanthropies.  Also, we should re-emphasize non-Western
perspectives on history.  Finally, we should re-structure tests and quizzes
to reflect cultural biases.

Q:  I DON'T GET IT.

Well, the way the system works now, "select" under-represented minorities
who tend to do worse on entrance tests have lower standards of admissions
at school and work and receive preferential treatment.  This is unfair and
wrong.

Q:  IT IS?

Yes.  The truly PC way to do it is to have a different grading scale for
different groups which gives or subtracts points from the final score,
depending on who is taking the test.  If you are white, then you have been
benefited by society during your life.  That means that you lose
ten to fifteen points to make the test fair to everyone else.

Q:  I GUESS THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.

It IS right.  That's the beauty of PC.

Q:  WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF?

Humor.  PC people take every comment VERY seriously.  We will not accept
any comment, joke, remark, or anything that sounds like it could be a
racial or ethnic slur.

Q:  IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT?

Yes.  The Politically Correct belief is essentially a recognition that
people are diversely equal.  We rejoice in this equality by treating
people differently based on their equal individuality.  Hop aboard the
bandwagon...  Be PC.  Or you're an intolerant, racist, sexist insensitive
pig.


->  ACADEMIC / CURRICULUM <-

Far East                        -   Asia

Censorship                      -   Selective Speech

B.C.                            -   B.C.E.

Older Students                  -   Non-Traditional
                                    New-Traditional

Learning Disability             -   Self-Paced Cognitive Ability

Cheating                        -   Academic Dishonesty

Library                         -   Educational Resource Center

Used Books                      -   Recycled Books

Dorm                            -   Residence Hall

Berkeley                        -   Mecca


->  MISCELLANEOUS  <-

Broken Home                     -   Dysfunctional Family

HouseBroken                     -   Family Disfunction 

Mercy Killing                   -   Euthanasia
                                    Putting.. Down/to Sleep/Out of Misery

Insult                          -   Emotional Rape

Cattle Ranch                    -   Cattle Concentration Camp (CCC)
                                    "Moo-shwitz"

Senile Bag o' Bones             -   Alzheimer's Victim

Ghetto/Barrio                   -   (EHA) Ethnically Homogenous Area
                                    Pre-Integrated Pre-Nirvana

Hamburger                       -   Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh (SMAF)

Cheeseburger                    -   Adding Insult to Injury

Trees                           -   Oxygen Exchange Units

Gang                            -   Youth Group

Pimp-mobile, Low-rider          -   Culturally Responsive Transportation Option

Drunk/Trashed                   -   Spatially Perplexed

Slum                            -   (EOZ) Economic Oppression Zone

China                           -   Porcelain 

Delicatessen                    -   Corpse Farm
                                    Charnel House

SOCIALLY INTOLERABLE WORDS (SIWs)
----------------------------------

These are some, but unfortunately not all, words that are used to describe
people.  Remember, there are much more eloquent PC ways to say the same thing
(and mean the same thing) without offending any of Earth's Children.

DO NOT USE THESE WORDS.
(except when telling other people not to use them)

IF YOU HEAR ANYONE USE THESE WORDS, REGARDLESS OF CONTEXT, RESPOND IMMEDIATELY:

"Alky, Babe, Beaner, Belgian-Bastard, Betty, Bimbo, Bitch, Blonde, Broad, Bum,
 Canuck, Chick, Chink, Coolie, Coon, Commie, Crip, Dego, Dike, Dot-head,
 Druggie, Fag, Fairy, Four-Eyes, Fudgepacker, Greaser, Hebe, Hippie, Honky,
 Hooknose, Indian, Injun, Jap, JAP, Jesus-Freak, Kike, Kraut, Lez, Lush, Nazi,
 Nigger, Nudnick, Pinko, Pollock, Raghead, Redneck, Redskin, Retard, Ruskie,
 Sambo, Skirt, Spic, Spook, Tart, Toots, Uncle Tom, Wetback, Whore,
 White-Trash, Wop, Vegetable"

READING THIS LIST MADE YOUR SKIN TINGLE WITH REVULSION, DIDN'T IT?
IT BETTER HAVE.

THE ABOVE ARE FULSOME TERMS.  PC DOCTRINE STATES THAT ALL REFERENCES
TO THESE WORDS BE DELETED FROM EXTANT PRINTED MATERIAL AND CONVERSATION.

END OF PC LEXICON