HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: zgilbert@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Zvi Gilbert)
Subject: Re: a very brief film review
Organization: crystalized bats
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 17:06:21 GMT

the t dot b meta law of coincidence 
strikes again 

capital a j capital d has a new dot sig
quote colon
>'i have had my ups and downs but wotthehell wotthehell' -- mehitabel

i just bought a hardback collected 
archy and mehitabel called 'the life and
times of archy and mehitabel'

the thing i like best about the book is
that it has cover embossings of archy
and mehitabel as drawn by george herriman
in red shiny stuff

the thing i like second best about the
book is that it is four hundred and seventy
five pages long 

the thing i like third best about the book is
that even the copyright page is in lower case

i am suffused with joy

your faithful correspondant
                    zvi





Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jperry@oahu.cs.ucla.edu (John Perry)
Subject: Re: Personal Bests
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,misc.test,rec.pets
Organization: UCLA, Computer Science Department
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 92 20:40:13 GMT

curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin) writes:
> mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh) writes:
>>caz@owlnet.rice.edu (HWRNMNBSOL) writes:
>>>
>>>Most Deer in One Day: 4
>>
>>You must've been full!
>
>No, he was empty.
>

   No, he was exceedingly horny!  Tell us, HWRNMNBSOL, whats the most sheep
   you've boned in a day?
-- 
v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-
    "Reality is a sandwich that I did not order."
			       Zippy the Pinhead (for president)
^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-^-v-
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Evile
Date: 10 Nov 1992 22:38:32 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: alfalfa.intel.com

In article <6929@ac13.cs.nps.navy.mil> rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) writes:
>rp -- Jesus built my SPARCstation.

Jesus Maria Rodriguez-Marecon, perhaps.

				--Blair
				  "Perot was right about exporting jogs."
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: 002519m@ace.acadiau.ca (KRISTIAN AARON MACCALL)
Subject: Forgive me, it's after midnight...
Organization: Acadia University
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 04:37:16 GMT

So I decide to only put five dollars worth of gas into the little green jeep 
that my uncle bought and had shaving cream in the dash which I spontaneously 
for no reason sprayed all over the passenger seat while eating a cheese 
sandwich which now I think about it tasted awful whilst driving through the 
gate fence of the pharmaceutical plant that David Duke's uncle owns on a 
dare and also because she (Loretta) said she'd sleep with me if I went for 
it so I went for it and now I regret it because...

does anyone care to finish?
I'm too tired...
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aslakson@pico.cs.umn.edu (Brian Excarnate)
Subject: Re: Short Shamful Anxiety
Organization: :noitazinagrO
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 06:00:55 GMT

cj@eno.esd.sgi.com (C.J. Silverio) writes:
>In article <...>, dvacca@nyx.cs.du.edu writes:
>|Real life (TM) is really an awful lot like Chutes and Ladders.
>The English version, I am told, is "Snakes & Ladders".  Which
>is a lot more like Real Life (tm).

Does this have anything to do with "Fish & Chips"?


Brian
Luv that English food
--
"Cray's producing a 500 MIPS personal computer with 256MB RAM and 8 GB
hard disk that fits in your pocket!"   "Great!  Is it PC compatible?"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.cesium,alt.non.sequitur
From: mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh)
Subject: My Favorite Molecule (or, Short Shameful Addiction)
Organization: Cornell Theory Center
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 23:37:37 GMT

My favorite molcule:
   C H  N O
    8 10 4 2
                     O         CH
                     ||       /  3
	   H C       C       N:
            3  \   /   \   /   \
                 N       C       C - H
                 |       ||    //
                 C       C -- N
               //  \   /
              O      N
                     |
                     CH
                       3

The first person to identify this friend of mine gets to be a regular character
in at least my next 3 stories. Please post your responses for real 
entertainment value.

mdw

-- 
Matt Welsh    mdw@tc.cornell.edu        +1 607 253 2737
Systems Programmer, Cornell Theory Center
  "She's like jelly roll, like sculpture!"
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: in fairness to finerty (was Re: rmgroup alt.fan.rush-limbaugh)
Date: 6 Nov 1992 01:10:16 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: mamba.cs.berkeley.edu

In article <1992Nov5.135514.10058@walter.cray.com> jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll) writes:
>
>I would like to go on the record as being staunchly opposed to any sort
>of violent overthrow of the United States Government.

Being a staunch... er, a staunch sheep, I must concur.

Though sometimes I do feel like dressing up in a huge
flower-print muumuu and pink rubber gloves, and cleaning
the whole damn thing out with a mop and a can of Lysol.

c
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:37069 misc.test:12781 alt.president.clinton:88
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,misc.test,alt.president.clinton
From: liuyh@vis.toronto.edu (Yuanhui Liu)
Subject: Re: Gloat
Organization: Department of Computer Science, University of Toronto
Date: 6 Nov 92 20:23:58 GMT

In article <6NOV199209164277@ucis.vill.edu> 126580828@ucis.vill.edu (Matador of M83) writes:
>In article <Bx91A3.G5G@mentor.cc.purdue.edu>, trinas@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Speedy Gonzalez) writes...
>>In article <5NOV199209244194@cats.ucis.vill.edu> 126580828@cats.ucis.vill.edu (Matador of M83) writes:
>>>It is men like yourself that give this country hope, and make me proud to 
>>>be an American......
>>>The Matador of M83
>> 
>>It is men like himself that give this country the reputation it has,
>>and it is men like himself that will eventually bring this country
>>down with its hatred of people within.
>> 
>> 
>Lemmie explain something to you...
>I live in the most heavily taxed city in the most heavily taxed state in the 
>United States of America (New York City).  I am sick and tired of my money
>being stolen by a liberal mayor like Dinkins, as well as a liberal Govener
>like Cuomo. Now I have a liberal President to steal even more!  I have no hatred
>towards America, or it's citizens, I merely doubt its political beliefs. So 
>before you label me as a Hater, Think about what I have said, about the 
>frustrations of getting a paycheck over the summer and watching inhumane 
>ammounts disappear into the hands of "leaders" like Dinkins, Cuomo, and now
>Clinton!
>
>Thank God for Al D'Amato!
just like many new york says, "I know he's a crook, but he's our crook,
and he brings the pork home."  
>
>The Matador of M83


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Another naming contest
From: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)
Organization: The Man With Ten Cats
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 17:33:35 GMT
Reply-To: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)

In article <1992Nov8.042007.28701@kakwa.ucs.ualberta.ca> aaron@space.ualberta.ca writes:
>It has recently come to the attention of some of us that while there are well-
>defined terms for both newcomes to talk.bizarre("newbies")and long-time
>residents(patrons?)of talk.bizarre("oldbies"), there is an astonishing lack of
>term for the transitional period in which, let's face it, most of us
>languish.  Any ideas?  Or is there a term of great tradition with whose usage I
>am unfamiliar?

Masochists.
-- 

Rick Kelly	rmk@rmkhome.UUCP	unixland!rmkhome!rmk	rmk@frog.UUCP
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rigler@galileo.ifa.hawaii.edu (Killing Pace)
Subject: Re: life
Organization: IFA
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 23:05:43 GMT

gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) writes:
> I go to work 7:30 to 4:00 or so on weekdays, and sometimes in the
> evenings to write correspondence...Evenings I go to discount stores 
> and wander aimlessly about...Maybe I should buy a television...
> When at home I drink beer except around breakfast or when I'm sleeping...

Geez Mark.  I wish I could steal some of your free time for myself.
But I guess if I had it, I'd probably just spend it at work.

-= Rigler =-   (Workaholics Anonymous -- I'm not just the president...)
--
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: highway riding
Date: 8 Nov 1992 02:28:28 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: mamba.cs.berkeley.edu

mlegare@wetware.com (The Steel General's Batsman) writes.  o how he does.

in the interests of proper entomology
or however the heck you spell it
i should point out
that a Steel General would not
be caught dead in possession of a batsman
unless he were to be coaching a cricket squad.

it is entirely possible
that he would have one
or a number of
batmen
but that is neither here nor there and does not enter into it at all.

c
From: hennessy@acsu.buffalo.edu (DOG BASEBALL!!!)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.procrastination,rec.ennui,rec.self.immolation
Subject: procrastination
Date: 12 Nov 92 22:52:32 GMT
Organization: Ministry of Information, Lower Volta.


	arrgh, I have a paper to type due at 10am tomorrow (friday the 13th)
and the book on which it is based, an ancient chinese novel called _The Dream
of the Red Chamber__, is approximately 5-600 pages long.  I can't start, I try
and try but I can't.  this paper is 20% of the grade, yet I can't get it
going.  the paper itself runs only about 4 to 6 pages, but I have to read the
whole darn thing.  of course, it is an assigned book, so it must be terribly
boring.
aargh.



-- 
   /I\          Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
  /(*)\         hennessy@acsu.buffalo.edu                 
 /IIIII\        "Leave EVERYTHING to ME!" - Powdered Toast Man       
/IIIIIII\       Happiness is a warm gun.
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: My favorite title of the day so far
Date: 10 Nov 1992 23:01:46 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: alfalfa.intel.com

In article <BxIB5q.ID3@encore.com> kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius) writes:
>josh@cqs.washington.edu (Josh Hayes) writes:
>>culled from misc.forsale.computers.mac:
>>	PowerBoob 145 4/40 for SALE
>>What, do you suppose, does one do with a powerboob?
>
>They are no good unless you have a second one.

Mine conditions the line on my Cray3 supercomehooter.

				--Blair
				  "Gimme that second line."
				  -Maria Muldaur, of all people
From: dac@prolix.apana.org.au (Andrew Clayton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: why I love SGI
Date: 8 Nov 92 13:41:10 GMT
Organization: More like Dis~, really.
X-Newsreader: Arn V1.00 beta rel2

In article <freek.721044010@groucho.phil.ruu.nl>, Freek Wiedijk writes:

> cj@eno.esd.sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
> >I am, at this very moment, listening to the audio
> >of CNN playing over my Indigo.  A machine in the
> >video lab is multicasting the audio to the network
> >using the CWI "radio" software.
> 
> I know the CWI, I know CJ.  I am amazed.  It's a small world.

Does CJ have big h00ters?

> Freek

Dac
--
dac@prolix.apana.org.au              David Andrew Clayton.           // _| _  _
dac@prolix.sserve.cc.adfa.oz.au      Canberra, Australia           \X/ (_](_](_
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: john@lightning.ofps.ucar.edu (John J. Allison)
Subject: Two hackers caught tapping into Boeing, federal computers
Organization: Office of Field Project Support, UCAR, Boulder
            <1992Nov12.142251.9131@hubcap.clemson.edu>
            <1e0okqINNhk5@rave.larc.nasa.gov>
            <wa-hackersU2NA550pp@clarinet.com>
            <6pq1n6h@rpi.edu>
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 19:18:39 GMT

In comp.security.misc:

ddv@unix.brighton.ac.uk (Domenico De Vitto) writes:
>Any org. that has a _root_ password in _a_ dictionary gets all it deserves.

stehman%citron.cs.clemson.edu@hubcap.clemson.edu writes:
>Would you like to require people to read c.s.m for a couple of months before
>they're allowed to purchase a computer?

kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey) writes:
>Yes.
>--scott

How about t.b?

-- 
, jja
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: patten@lumchan.ifa.hawaii.edu (Brian Michael Patten)
Subject: SSC
Organization: Institute for Astronomy, University of Hawaii
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 01:23:23 GMT



  For the longest time, whenever I saw the subject line "SSC" in this
group, I thought people were referring to the super-conducting super-collider 
project.

  I'll be starting anti-geek treatments at the end of this week.


-----

  Brian
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:37480 rec.humor:33432 alt.postmodern:2673 alt.good.news:1028 alt.cascade:3143
From: 6168aa@gmuvax.gmu.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.humor,alt.postmodern,alt.good.news,alt.cascade
Subject: Re: We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you
Date: 10 Nov 92 04:02:00 -0500
Organization: George Mason University, Fairfax, VA.

In article <1992Oct29.231251.9101@cam.compserv.utas.edu.au>, cjudd@esk.compserv.utas.edu.au (Craig Thomas Judd) writes:
> In article <Bwvrz6.JH1@access.digex.com>, brat@access.digex.com (Brat Wizard) writes:
>>
>>In article <1992Oct28.204917.9357@mcs.anl.gov> peterson@vulcan.mcs.anl.gov (nosreteP ekiM) writes:
>>>
>>>>>>>"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
>>>>>>"I'd eat you, but then I prefer beef stew."
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>THIS IS NOT GOOD NEWS.  PLEASE KEEP YOUR IMMATURE CASCADES IN ALT.CASCADE,
>>>>>OR ARE YOU IDIOTS TO BORED WITH YOUR OWN DRIBBLE.
>>>> 
>>>>  It's drivel, you schmuck.
>>>Obviously, he has the brains of a hockey puck!
>>I don't understand - what the fuck?
> HOW much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
 My daddy drives a Chevy.  (TRUCK!!)  "Watch the beat!!"

	Heh.  I am the man.
				--Zachar
From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: FOOD
Date: 5 Nov 92 19:01:01 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest)

In article <1992Oct27.182946.8080@linus.mitre.org> sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay) writes:
>In article <OSA.92Oct26231435@wilbur.unh.edu> osa@wilbur.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska) writes:
>>
>>What does a geek usually eat?  I had pizza and coke [tm] tonight. 
>
>Sounds good to me....copious amount of chinese are also common.

Cannibalism or cunnilingus?

Mark., o rare alt.geek!
gooley@netcom.com
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:37043 alt.cesium:242 alt.non.sequitur:623
From: lightnin@realsoon.WPI.EDU (Await the Stones)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.cesium,alt.non.sequitur
Subject: Re: My Favorite Molecule (or, Short Shameful Addiction)
Date: 6 Nov 92 11:29:31
Organization: DeityCo: Major and Minor Deities Placement Agency
NNTP-Posting-Host: realsoon.wpi.edu
In-reply-to: mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU's message of Thu, 5 Nov 1992 23:37:37 GMT

On Thu, 5 Nov 1992 23:37:37 GMT, mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh) said:

Matt> The first person to identify this friend of mine gets to be a
Matt> regular character in at least my next 3 stories. Please post
Matt> your responses for real entertainment value.

My message citing program really messed up the diagram, sorry.

It's CHON-food as described in "Beyond the Blue Event Horizon" the second
book in Poul Anderson's Heechee Saga.  So, can I be a millionaire-playboy-
-superspy-gizmotronic-wiz with a penchant for speaking in rhyme?  Thanks.

-lightnin

ObCesium: Cesium! Yay!

-lite
   _____ __ __ __ __  __  __  __  __    __ __ __ _____ _____ __ ***************
  / _  // |/ // / \ \/ / / /_/ / / /   / // |/ // ___// ___// / lightnin@
 / // //    // /__ \  / /___  / / /__ / //    // __/ /__  //_/  wpi.wpi.edu
/____//_/|_//____/ /_/     /_/ /____//_//_/|_//____//____//_/   ***************

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jhughes@techbook.com (John Hughes)
Subject: RE: Fun in the electoral chair
Organization: Answerable Style Software
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 23:41:21 GMT


In article <1992Nov5.042317.20353@yang.earlham.edu> davidv@yang.earlham.edu (Excitable Boy) writes:
>Teague, Margie A. Witherspoon, Ramona R. Ornat, and Helena J. Smet.  
>All these women were _old_, was there some fad around the turn of the 
>century to give women really strange sounding names?  Men in the same
>age bracket had names like John Hughes and Robert Miller.
 
 Fuck you monkey boy. I'm not THAT old.

-- 
jhughes@techbook.com          Not affiliated with TECHbooks
 "In obscure bookshops in Paris, one can still find editions 
  of _Anna Karenina_ in which she is a gerbil." Mark. Gooley
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: The fine art of procrastination (the Bone Mama helps a bunch)
Date: 9 Nov 1992 03:40:45 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: alfalfa.intel.com

Here I sit, taking 5 hours, at least, to implement the
world's simplest data-conversion in a preexisting program.

I've read the news four times (it takes a while, these
days, since I have to be the proper athiest and put the
fear of god out of the god-accepting twits who occasionally
let their objectivity slip over in sci.physics), my mail
twice, checked out the latest skein of
alt.binaries.pictures, and gone to the bathroom more than
the average bear.

I've listened to the brand-new and unbelievably awesome
Studio Z on the new worlds-coolest radio station, KZON,
101.5 on my FM dial.  Studio Z is a show about the local
R&B scene and its roots, which stretch back to the great
Duane Eddy, who recorded all his #1 hits in a studio in
Mesa.  Tonight's episode:  Al Carter, who's played guitar
on recordings for Elvis, the Monkees, Sinatra (Frank *and*
Nancy), the Beach Boys, and Harry Neilssen, to name a few.
Mary "Bone Mama" McCann, easily the coolest person ever to
talk into a live microphone (and I *am* considering Damien
and the Weasel, here), is our moderator, and interviews our
subject in perfect, call-response, word-association style.
The musician has a few friends with him and they play live
in the studio for her.  Most cool, in the utter sense of
both words.

Considering that eight weeks ago the best radio station in
this market was the one that played two *different* Rod
Stewart songs, this is tantamount to musical fellatio
applied directly to exposed nerve endings in the spinal
column.

You have much to envy, if you have any inkling that you
might.

Then, to top it all off, I'm in the vending-machine room
digging for change in my pocket (and liking it, if you
must know), and a light-bulb blinks in EBCDIC over my head.

I look in the community refrigerator and there, in the
freezer, is 0.3pt of Ben&Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie
that I'd left there after an all-nighter (not my most
recent) some four weeks ago.  I've just eaten it, since the
first sentence in this article.

Soon, I will begin to convert nine write() statements to
printf()'s, because the new data format is textual.  I might
even have to swap two function calls at one point in the
flow.  I will most likely just delete six of the writes
and tell them to run the damn program on the three inputs
separately.  But first, I have to go explain the difference
between truth and facts again.  Now KZON's into the new
two-hour, weekly Jazz show that's better than 168 hours
of the other phoenix-area Jazz station's bad idea of musical
talent.  Dexter Gordon beckons.  It's 8:40; I should be home
in about ten minutes, if I have to read the news again...

				--Blair
				  "Envy me."
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.slack
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: Interfaith marriages
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 15:51:53 GMT

In <5745@tivoli.UUCP> regina@tivoli.UUCP (Regina Foiles) writes:
>My sister and her boyfriend are getting married in June. She's protestant and
>he's jewish. Neither a minister nor a rabi will marry them because neither
>one wants to convert to the others religion. My sister does want the wedding
>to be in a house of God. The only thing we can think of to solve this problem
>is a Chapel with a non-denominational Chaplain. I'm sure that this is not a
>unique situation. Can someone who has gone through this before, or knows
>someone who has, give me some advice on how to help my sister and future
>brother-in-law? 
> 
The obvious answer is to have a SubGenius minister perform the ceremony.
Not only are SubGenius ministers performers of equal-opportunity[*] marriages,
but the term of marriage can be as short as you like, minutes or even SECONDS
if necessary.  Additionally, the required love offering will just about
GUARANTEE the newly-weds a honeymoon suite on the pleasure saucers when the
X-ists come (again and again!) in 1998 to foreclose the mortgage "Bob" took
out on the planet Earth.  You just CAN'T get a better deal than that.

[*]  Except by special request.
From: tim@crash.canon.co.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Another naming contest
Date: 10 Nov 92 20:00:39 GMT
Organization: me myself and i

ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano) writes:
:
|In article <...> aaron@space.ualberta.ca writes:
:
|>[...] there is an astonishing lack of
|>term for the transitional period in which, let's face it, most of us
|>languish.  Any ideas?  
|
|aarons.

evercherries ... aarons ... gypsies

Tx. [and your goal in life is to be gypsies]
-- 
Tim F O'Donoghue <tim@crash.canon.co.uk> <uunet!canon!tim>
From: mattb@ctron.com (Matthew E. Brown)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: The CARASSO Fellowship (was Re: WANKERS)
Date: 5 Nov 92 17:10:08 GMT
Reply-To: mattb@olympus.ctron.com (Matthew E. Brown)
Organization: Cabletron Systems INc.

pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (big daddy hate box) writes:
>stanton@athena.cs.uga.edu (Catherine Stanton) writes:
>>time mastering the caps lock key on your keyboard, we would all
>>be MUCH happier.

>>Cat

>HEY, I RESENT THAT. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH CAPS YOU RED COMMIE
>BASTARD. IT'S MY GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO USE WHAT EVER STYLE AND FONT I DESIRE.
>YOU MUST HAVE QUITE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE WITH ANAL ORIFICES TO BE SO SURE
>THERE WAS ONE HIDDEN IN THAT TEXT. NEXT TIME YOU FEEL LIKE POSTING TAKE A
>DEEP BREATH AND PLUNGE A GINSU KNIFE INTO YOUR CHEST. YOU MAKE ME SO SICK
>I CAN TASTE THE BILE IN MY MOUTH. kindly fuck off(tm)

Mr. pfinerty:

The committee is considering your application for the now-vacant CARASSO
fellowship in the Sociopathy department at FOAD.tb.edu. However, a decision
cannot be reached until you remit the 100 quatloo bribe (err, application fee)
and a gif of yourself consorting with one or more t.b personalities, space
aliens, barnyard animals, computer devices, or vats of organic chemicals.

As you realize, if you are chosen, it it a temporary appointment to a non-
tenure track position, held only until such time as the original appointee
returns from his unplanned sabatical. However, be advised that if said 
appointee does not return for a period of two (or maybe 3 or 4) years, your
appointment will be considered permanent, until such a time as you do not,
in the committee's opinion, endeavor to degrade the already disgustingly low
standards of the fellowship, or until such a time as you are so ashamed of
yourself that you relinquish the fellowship voluntarily.

Be advised that, although the committee is initially impressed with your
performance and qualifications, the competition for the fellowship is
expected to be fierce, and this correspondence is no indication of favoritism,
nor of the surety of your selection.

Respectfully,

Hideo Gump

Chairman
CARASSO Fellowship Selection Committee
Sociopathy Department
Fuckoffanddie State University