From: woodhams@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Michael Woodhams)
Subject: Re: scnz faq (unofficial, long)
Originator: news@nimaster
Organization: Princeton University Observatory
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 02:10:20 GMT

In article <28935.3139226764@kiwi.gen.nz> rabbi@kiwi.gen.nz (Rabbi Bajzheet) writes:
>Okay,I decided to post it after all. Be warned, if you're easily offended by
>the occasional four letter word, having fun in public, gross insentitivity for
>a worthy cause, cycling, or generally being altish in a soc group, hit 'n' now.

[...]
>
>The worst place in New Zealand goes by the tantalising and evocative
>name of Bulls, population two men and a dog.  It has achieved it's
>dubious distinction by having the bones of stranded hitch hikers
>scattered along all points of egress.  It is a shithole; if you manage
>to escape it within five hours of having entered it, you can count
>yourself very lucky indeed.
>
I am grossly offended by these lies! Quite clearly, the award for
worst place in New Zealand must go to Dargaville, a far more deserving
candidate. (With the Auckland University Cafeteria coming distant
second. (See later for comments on pies.)) The river at Dargaville is
so muddy that walking on water is only considered miraculous if you
aren't wearing gumboots. The collective IQ of the town is lower than
its population. The slightest nonconformity is instantly noticed and
leads to social ostracism (or would, if Dargaville had a society.) The
local newspaper is 4 pages, and had headlines like "Frances Bloggs
reads non Mills and Boon book!" with a story about how they "blatantly
read a science fiction book with a torch under the blankets" and
reactions from the local community - "elitest bastard", "bring back
the birch", "we don't want intellectuals in this town", "hangings too
good for 'em", "we've still got a few stakes left after burning the
queers." I consider myself lucky to have got out in less than 5 years,
with only moderately major mental scars. 

>
>McGilicuddy Serious:  Scottish Monarchist Regressionists, intent in
>re-establishing the Jacobite line to supreme executive office, then
>disassembling all the trappings of modern technology (internal
>combustion engines, guttering systems, Unix, etc) and living a life of
>pastoral, clan-oriented bliss. Due to growing popular disillusionment
>with both National and Labour, an outside favourite to win the 1993
>general election.
>
Well, I'll be voting for them.

>
>Buzzy Bees:  A quintissential piece of Kiwiana.  It is a small wooden
>bee that toddlers can drag around on a piece of string. It has wings
>that rotate (backwards) and it makes a wierd clicking sound.  They are
>no longer made, much to the author's remorse.

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whadya mean, no more buzzy bees? Is anyone out there in netland
prepared to sell me theirs?

>
>The Edmond's Cook Book: More copies of this book have been sold in
>New Zealand than any other book (ever).  Produced by Edmonds, makers 
>of fine Baking Powder, Cake Mix and Bournville Cocoa.  There are
>hundreds of recipies, many incorporating Edmond's "Sure to Rise"
>Baking Powder, Edmond's Cake Mix, and Bournville Cocoa.
>
This I thought to buy before I left. A place where a cookbook outsells
the bible is my kind of country.

>
>Pies:  North Americans may be unfamiliar with this phenomenon.  A pie
>is a savoury hors d'ouvres pastry thing, but three times the size,
>filled with meat (from whence we can only guess) and with a lid on.
>
>The worst pies in New Zealand can be had for NZ$1.60 a piece at a
>grimy, smelly, cockroach-infested petrol staion by Lake Karapiro.
>Coming a close second are the infamous Putrid Pies of Panmure (a
>suburb of Auckland).  They seem to be available from all the bakeries
>- do not touch them, they are the source of all evil.
>

You were definitely wrong about the worst place in NZ. I am, however,
prepared to admit a minute possibility that Lake Karapiro pies are
worse than end-of-holiday pies at the Auckland Uni Caff. After a rash
of funerals during the early part of the holidays, the pies remain
untouched in the warmer for many weeks. The bottom of the pie becomes
thicker and harder, until the pie is totally petrified and unusable
except to sculptors with micromania. It was only this that saved me
from a fate worse than death, but not from several broken teeth.
However, I'll match a Auckland Uni budgie (budget meal) against your
Karapiro pies anyday, best out of three falls. The "food" in a budgie
has been recycled as leftovers so many times that many people refuse
to eat them on religious grounds - it would be killing an intelligent
life form. (But don't count on it being the budgie that dies...)

Michael W.


Xref: sparky soc.culture.new-zealand:2943 nz.general:1596