From: boserj@netcom.com (Jeffrey Boser)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Re: clearing something up
Date: 16 Dec 1992 01:00:23 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest)
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NNTP-Posting-Host: remarque.berkeley.edu
Originator: muffy@remarque.berkeley.edu

cortese@skid.ps.uci.edu (Janis Maria Cortese) writes:
[most of posting removed for brevity]
>It is THIS that I hate about porn -- and the fairy tale crap as well.
>Does this make my position clearer?  
>
>Regards,
>Janis C.

Janis, I understood why you disliked porn with your first post.
I dislike it for that reason too, and I by no means would
recommend it as a manual for sexuality.

But I felt threatened by your post, as did many men I am sure.
I felt like because I like to look at parts of a woman that
are not normally accessable to me right now, and that I choose
to do so in a way that does not impose on your or anybody else,
that I am less a man.

Well screw that!  I know you didnt mean it like that.  That
your judgements are within your rights completely.

But its the same damn thing as when some man calls women
dumb, or starts making judgements about their sexuality.
I have a woman friend who was called a 'dyke' by somebody,
and was deeply hurt.  She didnt even know the person, and
yet was judge by surface opinions.  Sure the guy may have
had a reason to judge her this way, and his experience may
have led him to that conclusion, but that doesnt make her
feel any better.

I got enough doubts about my sexuality as it is, without
you stomping on them.  A question asked to me, as an individual
wouldnt have made me feel so threatened.

Ive discussed this exact topic with a woman friend of mine, who
couldnt understand why I wanted a copy of Hustler.  She told
me it was degrading to women, and insulted their sexuality,
not to mention their individuality.  I agreed completely, and
she asked me why I still bought it, as she knew I happened to
think quite highly of women.  I told her that I knew of no
other way of viewing female genetelia, seeing as how I did not
have a lover.  I asked her if I was supposed to wait 10 years
for someone to show up to satisfy my fetish?  I cant stand the
cartoons and words in the magazine, but these are not the
reasons I buy it.  I filter them out.  I relish in the rare
piece of erotica I do find that is tender and loving AND explicit,
filling most of my needs at once.

Yes, I sound like I am defending myself.  I AM defending myself.
My friend's question and words, and Janis's post, made me out
to be some sort of rapist.  Just as the guy's 'dyke' accusation
made my friend cry for an hour mumbling 'Im not Im not.." over
and over again.

The man who shoulted "dyke", my friend who demanded to know
why I bought the magazine, Janis's post..  all were threatening.
I dont know Janis personally.  I may not want to be friends with
her, let alone lovers, so how can I take this pesonally?

Well, because I care about how others perceive me, just as I care
about how I perceive others.  I try not to judge, to pass judgement
on something I am not close enough to see clearly.  And here
I am being judged.

I agree with many of the things Janis said..  I have been frustrated
by much of these misperceptions many, many times.  Even her mention
of Beauty And The Beast rang a bell..  my sister and i agreed that
he should have stayed a Beast, after all, that is what she fell in
love with.  I also am insulted by much of what I see in porn..  the
'money' shots, the lack of creativity and eroticism, the perceptions
of women lying about being greatful that some guy is using her.

But just because I agree with the content doesnt make the conclusions
any less threatening.

I use porn to satisfy a need.  a fetish, whathaveyou.  just as a woman
might use a vibrator, or a fantasy..  I have even written my own
fantasy (got some replies from it, actually, saying they thought the
fact that the guy didnt get off was nice..  i actually had to reread
what i wrote to find out that they were right).  But I refuse
Janis's conclusions about my sexuality, just as I refuse those the
porn industry throws at me.

If that means sacrificing my Real Man Membership Card, well so be it.

If that means Janis not wanting to talk to me cause I happen to like
looking at pink parts, so be it.

If that means I continue to think the time I was most a man was when
I cried for an hour with a woman and shared a little pain, so be it.

....jeff



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