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Date:         Thu, 13 Aug 1992 09:49:34 -0500
From:         ANTHLAL@UMNACVX.BITNET
Subject:      fellating the great god mammon

well, okay, dave jacoby has been in minneapolis and has now departed.  i want
to tell you all a story that i still find difficult to believe.

last night, after work (i'd had a really, really lousy day, capped off by
irritating messages on my computer screen and the knowledge that dave was
on the way  :-), i went home.  all in all, a good thing.  didn't see the
mouse-in-residence.  okay.  so, dave shows up, half an hour early, babbling
about the sale at knut-koupee (a guitar store here).  i'm just all aggravated
for no good reason and so i take the car keys out of his hands and say,
"get in the car.  we are going to the mall of america."  dave has visited me
before, and when he does so at a particulrly inconvenient time, i usually
make him go do something he detests...i.e., go to a mall.  why shouldn't *he*
be put-out, too?  anyway.  okay, so we drive out to bloomington.  i realize
within moments that this particular trip is going to be more trying than
usual...a typical exchange would involve something like this:
me: "hey, cool.  godiva chocolates.  let's go have some."
dave:  "no way.  i refuse to buy chocolates in a jewelry store. and what a
        stupid thing to buy, anyway."

me: "oh, neat.  the nature company.  let's go in and look at toys."
dave:  "i can't go in that store.  it makes me sick."

me:  "look!  williams-sonoma grande cuisine.  let's go look at kitchen stuff."
dave:  "this must be a woman thing.  there is nothing in this store anyone needs
           anyway."

okay, you get the picture.  so, we are basically having the same conversation
about each of the 350 stores in this place, until we get to the brooks
brothers store.  i kid you not...dave says, "wait a sec.  i wanna go in here."
i thought for a minute i'd misheard him.  really, i was standing out in the mall
    and realized he was gone, then looked in the store and saw him with an
imeccably tailored man, chatting up suits.  good god.
impeccably.  sorry 'bout that.
but back to the story.
did i mention that dave was wearing a "cherry garcia" tie-dyed t-shirt?
okay, i'm intrigued.  i go in.  dave is wandering about, i figure there is no
harm in this, but...something just, just...unbelievable happens.
*dave is trying on a suit.*
*dave is having alterations.*
*dave is buying a suit.*

at brooks brothers.

*dave is consulting me about ties and suspenders.*
(which, i might add, is a good thing.)
*dave is going up to the register and purchasing a $600.00 suit.*
*and accessories, too.*

the sales manager had to give me a glass of water.  he asked if i felt faint.
said i looked pale.

dave walks out of the store, with a dazed anneliese is tow, swinging a
bag, with handles, filled with broadcloth shirts, a tie, suspenders...
who knows, maybe even collar stays.

i mean, wow.  the mall of america is, like, magic.  and not a mcdonald's
in the place, can you believe it?  i just can't get over this.  i have
a nordstrom's *and* a bloomingdale's charge card.  come to think of it,
i have a macy's charge card, too...and bought nary a thing.

oh, wait, it gets better...dave and i then went into abercrombie and fitch...
but maybe that's another story for another day.  equally unbelieveable, really.

okay, there's the update.  political commentary later.  sorry for the waste
of bandwidth, but, i mean, this was like an epiphanal experience.

                           * * * anneliese "wrap it up, i'll take it!" l.
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