From: jm5p+@andrew.cmu.edu (Judi Mancuso)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: How to get daughter more career-minded?
Date: 29 Sep 92 10:43:24 GMT
Article-I.D.: andrew.kem_DAW00WBM84rlQw
	<1992Sep28.160918.12999@engage.pko.dec.com>
Organization: Student Employment Office, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA

>We have a 4 years old daughter who is really bright.  Her preschool
>teacher, an elderly lady, told us that in her many decades of
>experience as a preschool teacher, she has only met two preschoolers
>this bright.  No need to say that we have great hope for her.
>Maybe, we think, she will become a great lawyer upholding the rights
>and the liberty for many; or at least, she can be a doctor relieving
>the pains and the sufferings of the sick.  
> 
>Then, a few weeks ago, I took her to the doctor for her regular
>checkup.  On our way back, I asked her: "Do you want to be a
>doctor when you grow up?"  Her answer shocked me.  "No," she said
>"I want to get married."  "But you can be a doctor and get married
>too" I tried to tell her that there is really no conflict here.
>"No," she said "I want to be a mom and have kids."  "But you can
>be a mom, have kids, and be a doctor at the same time." I was trying
>my best to explain to her.  "No," her voice became lauder "I don't
>want to be a doctor.  I want to get married when I grow up."
> 
>I have no idea where she picked up that concept.  Knowing its
>implied message, we have banned "Little Mermaid" video tape from
>our household.  Instead, we read her books like "Doctor Hilda made
>the house call" and the likes.  Whenever possible, we always find
>her a female pediatrician in the hope that she has a good role model.
>But despite all of these conscious efforts on our part, she 
>obviously picked up some other ideas.  Apparently she watched
>the "Little Mermaid" at the school for she sometimes told us
>about that story and asked us buy her that tape.  We have told
>her many times that Ariel is not really a good girl because she
>only wants to play but does not want to study and do some useful
>things.  I guess we have yet to get our message across.
> 
>Any suggestion for us to turn the things around?  
> 
> 
>Regards,
>-- 
>-- Publius

I am sure I am not the only one who almost fell out of my chair when I
read this. I truly feel that people have the right to raise their
children as they see fit--but then, when you publicly give this info out
(on the net) and ask for feedback then I feel a little more inclined to
speak my mind.  Come on!  You told your daughter that Ariel really isn't
a "good girl" and you won't let her watch "The Little Mermaid" and you
are upset that she wants to have kids and be a mom and does not want a
career and she is  only FOUR YEARS OLD???!!!  Well, smack her little
butt!   I agree with her doctor--she is bright--bright enough to realize
she can dream about anything and want to be anything that suits her
fancy on that particular day!  And, you should look in the mirror and
applaud yourself too---your daughter sees the joy she brought you in
being a mother and wants to emmulate YOU. Forget about careers and
making her more career minded---childhood is a time to play and learn
and dream---there will never be another time in her life that she can
decide daily what her life will be like in the future.  Adulthood and
decisions and indecisions and conflict and work comes all too fast and
stays all too long--she will get there in due time and as long as she
has been loved and nurtured and educated and guided--which you will
undoubtably do--in a kind, thoughtful, freedom-granting way--she will be
fine.  No one---even you--wants another doctor or lawyer  (or any other
professional) out in the world that 1) doesn't want to be there 2) is
there to please someone else 3) consequently hates what she is doing and
what she has become and cannot find simple happiness even though she is
successful and pleasing her mother.  Career counselors all over the
world will agree with me---they don't want to have your daughter in
their office 30 years from now--and you don't either--because YOU would
be a major discussion point!!!  Have fun--jump rope, play dolls, swing
on swings, do your hair in braids, whatever--just stop pushing the kid. 
  Best of Luck--and enjoy that wonderful child you have and stop
OBSESSING!
 Judi Mancuso,
Mom of Vince 7 and Toni 14 months
 Career Center, Carnegie Mellon University