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Date:         Fri, 31 Jul 1992 15:18:09 -0500
From:         ANTHLAL@UMNACVX.BITNET
Subject:      privatization...does this have something to do with travis?

hey, the post office.  what a buncha great guys.  true story:

i, myself, very rarely venture into the post office.  this can be confirmed by
various members of the list.  anyway.  the bus route to the scenic u of m
takes me right by the local office.  i got off the other day and went in,
with the express intent of a) having a package weighed and then mailed and
b) finding out what my friend's zip+4 code was.  okay.  so i wait in line for ab
   out ten minutes and then get up to the window.  i ask the guy for a "puffy
envelope"...i was sending a tape.  he did not know what this was.  i decided
to ask for the brand-name:  "i'd like a 10" x 12" jiffylite airmailer."
no dice.  i explained the concept to him.  he stalked off disgruntledly and
returned with a 6" x 9" legal envelope.  "no," i said, "that isn't what i
want.  i want the kind with the bubble packaging inside.  you know...pop,
pop, pop?  it's fun to play with?"  this rang a bell.  he returned with a
6" x 9" bubblepackaging envelope.  i made the handsigns for "bigger, bigger!"
he was now really steamed, and got another employee to help me.  okay.
confronted with fresh blood, i asked for a 10" x 12" jiffylite mailer.
fine.  we got that.  a dollar-ten.  fine.  now.  we put the stuff in the
envelope, we weigh it, great, tack on another dollar-fifty or so.
here's where it all gets seriously weird.
now, i'm addressing the envelope.  i ask the guy if he has a zip code
directory.  he says, "um, no.  where are you sending this?"  i told him.
i'm not sure why.  maybe i thought he had the national zip codes memorized.
anyway, i told him the 5-digit number, which i looked up on a piece of
paper in my purse.  i just can't ever remember this guy's zip code.  anyway.
the guy then said to me, in the tones in which you address an autistic three-
year-old, "zip codes only have 5 numbers."  i looked at him, looked at the
envelope, and pointed to the ready-printed label:  "zip + 4 code _________".
besides, i wanted to know the zip + 4 code.  those things are my bread and
butter, you know...useless trivia, the better to pretend to be
intellectually superior with, my dear. i said, "well, i'd like the zip+4
code.  don't wanna break any rules, heh heh."  he said, and this is
a direct quote, "well, i don't know where you could get information like
that."  whaaaaaat?  i said "this is the post office, right?  you mail
stuff here?"  he nodded.  "you all are in charge of getting this country's
important financial and personal correspondence from point a to point b?"
he nodded.  "big, ugly building, housing big, ugly guys in big, ugly
uniforms?  y'all sell, y'know, uh, stamps?"  he nodded.  "and you are
tellin' me that you can't tell me this guy's zip code?"  he nodded.
"and you have no idea where i could get this information?"  another nod.
he looked unhappy...furrowed his brow...then brightened.  "maybe the
library?", he suggested, hopefully.  i looked at the line behind me.
"you all, this man tells me that he can'
"you all, this man tells me that he can't find out a zip code for me."
the guy behind me said, "i'm not surprised."

i looked up at the side of the window in which i was standing:  there was
one of those posters saying "reward for information leading to the arrest
of individuals suspected in the murder of postal service employees:
$25,000".  i looked at it meaningfully.  i looked back at the mail guy.
i looked back at the queue of people.  "anybody here need ten thousand
 or so dollars?"  nervous laughter from all involved.  i sent the letter
without the zip+4 code.  duhhhhhh.

i think i'll use WASTEmail next time.

                         * * * this civil service moment brought to you by
                                           - - - anneliese
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