From: rsr@soda.berkeley.edu (Roy S. Rapoport)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Teensy Weensy Virginities
Date: 11 Oct 1992 01:11:07 GMT
Organization: U.C. Berkeley, CS Undergraduate Association
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: soda.berkeley.edu


You know, I never thought learning could be this much fun ...

For quite a while now, I've been taking an almost perverse pleasure in
referring to myself as a virgin ... I had pretty much decided that
considering how long I've waited, I'm willing to wait until I know I'm
ready, and I'm rather proud of the fact.

Well, last saturday I finally became sexually active with my male partner
(the qualification of "with my male partner" is unnecessary other than to
specify what the gender of the person was ... this would be just as accurate
if I just said that I became sexually active) ... this was a cool thing for
a variety of reasons, not the least of which was that it was _MUCH_ less
traumatic than I expected it to be, and _MUCH_ more fun than I expected it
to be (My new motto is "'tis better to give than to receive.") ... 

So I pretty much figured that with regards to men, I'm no longer a virgin.  

On tuesday I talked with one of my best friends who knew what had happened
on saturday (in excruciating detail ... I was boasting :) ), and made a
comment along the lines of "Well, I'm not a virgin anymore."  To which his
response was "Err, yes you are."  We basically started discussing whether or
not what I had done on saturday counted as sex, and this started me
thinking (not something I do often enough :) ).

I came to the conclusion that virginity is not a binary value, but rather
simply the line between what you've done v. what you haven't done ... this
is a cool thing to realize because it means that I'm not a complete and
utter virgin wrt either gender (of course, this also means that _very_ few
of us are ... ) ...

And hell, to be perfectly hedonistic, it's also fun because this week has
been just fraught with cases where I've lost virginities ... saturday
counted as one, tuesday, where what I did on saturday was done to me, was
the other ...

And last night, when for the first time in my life I told someone I was sort
of sexually attracted to them (well, not exactly ... I said something along
the lines of "There are five men, besides my SO, who I would _love_ to bring
off, to watch orgasm ... you're one of them." (of course, considering my
taste (bad word choice?) in men, it figures that all of them are really
extremely nice people, but of the three who are actually in my geographic
region, two are straight ... )).  For the record, this person was the
one of the three who was not straight (I don't plan to let the straight ones
know ... on the same basis I wouldn't tell a lesbian I'd like to bring her
off ... it seems like an encroachment on their alignment or something).
And, while, just as I expected the statement was not received with "Oh,
sure, I'd love to," the refusal (which I knew would come because of
something he had said earlier) was so utterly non-traumatic, and the whole
experience was so utterly non-traumatic, it's _GREAT!_... I might actually
do it again, with one of the two other !straights on 'the list' if I ever
meet them :) ... Granted, this was preceded by about 5 hours of rather
intense (for me) flirting with him (we're friends ... we're allowed :) ),
but still, it didn't even take too much preparation to say it ...

It's amazing how receptive one becomes to continue chipping away at ones
virginity when all of ones experiences involving these little virginities
have been _highly_ positive (not to mention rather fun).

It's also amazing how easy I found it to express a sexual interest (of
sorts) in someone once I got to that level of comfort with them ... it's
really really cool, IMHO.

I've also come to the realization that all the really cute straight men I
know are also very queer-positive ... 

It's frightning when you flirt with a straight friend ... and sie flirts
back ...

Well, it's frightning at first ... you get used to it _very_ fast :)

Hmm ... I wonder if this means I've started on my way to earn that title in
my .signature ... :) 

-- 
Roy S. Rapoport          rsr@soda.berkeley.edu            bdsm@ocf.berkeley.edu
        "In my opinion, anyone who wants to can call themselves a pervert
           or a queer but slut is a compliment you have to earn." -SFJ
DISCLAIMER:  "I meant every word of it ... but nobody else did."