From: a.norrish@trl.oz.au (Mark E. Smith's speech therapist-ah)
Subject: Radio Shmadio, as long as I'm rich
Organization: Telecom Research Laboratories
Distribution: aus
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 07:44:10 GMT

Some bloke was saying he didn't like all the rap on the radio these 
days. Good on you mate. Sheesh, letting people say what they feel!!! 
What next??!! The last thing we need to hear is troublemakers with 
clocks round their necks telling us what time it is. I wear a watch 
and am perfectly able to tell the time for myself, thank you Mr. 
Flavour. 

I see that there's going to be a film here soon called Malcolm X. I 
saw the first one (you know, with the car that splits in half) and 
didn't think it warranted one sequel, let alone nine. I just bet it's 
full of rap music too.

If Meatloaf fell over in the forest, and there was no-one there to 
hear him, would he make a noise?

Speaking of rap and radio, I've discovered a fantastic new radio 
station which has some real cool rapping every now and again. I don't 
know the call sign of it (there seems to be a different announcer 
every time, but they never say the name of the station) but its at 
27.065MHz on the dial. You might have to modify your radio a bit like 
I did, because mine only goes down to about 89MHz. But it's well 
worth it. Here's an example of what I heard the other day:

'Well hey everybody take a look at me
I've run my car into a tree
I'm 37 miles from highway 1
I can't believe what I've just done
I broke my leg in the car crash
I'll never run another 100 yard dash
If you want to help this guy named Lance
Would you please send me an ambulance'

No mention of police, timepieces or an AK47. Now that's what I call 
music. There's also a good one that gets played all the time called 
'Breaker, Breaker'. Check it out.

Elton John once said 'Ich bin ein Berliner'. Or was it Nick Cave? No, 
Nick Cave is ein Wangarattaer. That's right, his mate Blixa Bathwater 
said it. Sorry, no that's not right either. In fact, Elton John never 
said it. I wonder where that phrase popped into my head from?

I can't agree with the people who don't like Girlfriend. Hang your 
heads in shame. Despite registering Megaskills on the talentometer, 
they must be the only band in the world to name themselves after a 
magazine. (Except the Rolling Stones.) And those hats! Call the 
fashion police!

If you get a chance, come and see my new band play. You might 
remember our SAW tribute band, but we dropped that after it became 
apparent that no-one will admit to liking Kylie et al (although 
secretly you all must, because someone must buy her records for her 
to be number 1). Now, after constant monitoring of the net, we have 
decided to be a Smiths cover band, because the net is full of cRaZy 
sTuDeNtZ, and they all seem to talk about this Smiths mob. So we went 
out and bought some of their records (frankly, [Mr Shankley, ho ho] 
we'd never heard of them). We're called Hatful of Jello, and I sing 
just like Jim Morrison, the lead singer. (Sadly, he's dead now after 
overdosing on Dr. Pierce's Miserable Pills. Fans still make 
pilgrimages to his grave next to Oscar Wilde's.) The crowds love us 
and throw flowers, sausages and coins at us. And we cancel a lot of 
concerts.

Is it just me, or does anybody else hate those little security 
stickers in the backs of CD cases in stores?

Some good tunes I've heard lately, (all available as limited, 2 part, 
double digipak, released a week apart, CD singles [another fantastic 
innovation, thanks guys]):

Jesus Jones - Better the devil you know. (A Kylie cover version)
The Stone Roses - Top one, nice one, giz 4 million pounds, bye.
The Pooh Sticks - Aaargh! We only got 1 million!
Cliff Richard - Ah, someone out there still likes me.
Girlfriend - He likes us better.
Teen Queens - Yeah, we beat the pork pies outta you, wrinkly.
The KLF - We once had a hit as the Timelords.
The ARIA Lawyers - Right, let's nail him for copyright infringement.
MC Jamie and the Chartifacts - Help, corporate rock has come for my 
email facilities.
Remaining aus.music populace - Hooray!

I listened to that Nine Inch Nails record the other day. Do not let 
your children buy this record, it contains references to Tipper Gore. 
There is a *blatant* 'Parental Advisory' label right on the front. 
Smash the PMRC!

And when will they stop rel