From: tyger@netcom.com (Kristen Kohlbecker)
Subject: Re: Confrontation with my mother
Organization:  I'm part of a massive Blonde Conspiracy
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 07:16:37 GMT

erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:
>Kristen Kohlbecker (tyger@netcom.com) wrote:
>
>Hi, Tyger!  Welcome to asar!  :)

Em...hi...I hadn't exactly planned to make my debut by flaming someone, but I
hope that they weren't terribly offended and that I didn't ruffle too many 
feathers or violate anyone's safe space. 

Now, if you will permit me, I wish to get on my e-soapbox a minute...

I know that some of you have been through terrible experiences, and as such
have certain ideas about how to deal with those problems, and those you see
around you. I must confess to some misgivings about the trust some here put
in certain government agencies meant to obviate/quell problems like sexual  
or other abuse of children. 

The saddest part is, I am quite certain that CPS and DSS are doing the very 
best they can with what they are given, which is shamefully little. I won a
sizeable award in a case against CPS and DSS of San Diego just this past
summer, but I turned it back to them as I assumed that they would be more
dilligent in the future, and further surmised that it could do little good
for others to further financially cripple an agency that already limps along
with underpaid, overworked staff. Some of the case workers they have to
settle for because they cannot afford better are truly atrocious, and it was 
my misfortune to run into one of the more stubborn ones.

I had a child out of wedlock on 31 May, 1990 at 5:17pm. The child went home
with her adoptive parents the next day at approximately noon. In the interim,
I spent, all told, about 10 hours with her, and always with a nurse present, 
as per my request. (Everyone was afraid I would balk at giving up my daughter
as soon as I saw her, so I was taking no chances)

Some weeks later, I was visiting Danita at the home of her adoptive parents,
when a caseworker from DSS came by with yet another twelve reams of paperwork
to be signed. (You get so sick of your own signature in the adoption process,
it's a wonder there aren't more name changes..:)) At any rate, Mrs. Otto, the
adoptive mother introduced me, and the caseworker went totally berserk. She 
ordered me out of the house, and when I wouldn't leave, she *called the 
police*. I left before they got there, and they never came out to my house, 
nor was I contacted further by them (the police, that is).

CPS got into the act at that point...seems that someone zigged when they
should have zagged, and the paperwork for the adoption stated that Danita
had been removed from my care due to abuse and neglect. Now I thought it 
would be a simple matter to get this corrected (Ah, naivete!), but it took
going to court and tons of phonecalls and letters from this intern and that
nurse and the other police officer before...one year later, I can again see 
my daughter so long as it is okay with the adoptive parents (naturally). 

I missed her first word ("mama", as it turns out), I missed her first step,
I missed...so many firsts, and thinking about it even now that it is all
over hurts deeply. I knew as soon as I chose her adoptive parents, that there
would be things I would miss as she grew up, but I will most likely never
forgive the loss of a year of my daughter's life to a paperwork glitch.

I suppose it is obvious that I am extremely bitter about my experience, and 
when I have seen posts here mentioning turning this or that child over to the 
protection of CPS, I must confess that I've nearly snapped. I responded by 
scrolling past the articles and logging off for a bit to cool off, as I knew 
that nothing I said spur of the moment would be very helpful, insightful, or 
yet intelligent. I apologise in advance for that time, yet unseen, where my 
better judgement is overruled by my anger, and I lash out at some person who 
means well, especially seeing as I can offer no viable alternative to the 
systems in place now.

At any rate, I am sure I have taken up quite enough of your time. If anyone
has any questions, I will answer them as best I can.

>Ed Carp			

Tyger

-- 
      Kristen Kohlbecker    And I would choose to be with you
      tyger@netcom.com      That's if the choice were mine to make   
                            But you can make decisions too
      A Tyger and a Lady    And you can have this heart to break 
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery