From: dolson@crl.ucsd.edu (Mark Dolson)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Summary of Toddler Genital Names - LONG
Date: 7 Jan 1993 19:33:40 -0600
Organization: UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway
NNTP-Posting-Host: cs.utexas.edu

I know you've all been holding your breath for the summary of response
to my question about Toddler Genital Names.  To recap, for those of you
on vacation, I related a story where my daughter, who was 19 mo old at
the time, put her finger on her clitoris and inquired "Dat?".  I told
her it was her clitoris at the time, but then worried that I hadn't given
her the common toddler term, not knowing what that was.  I asked several
friends, and they ALL told me that they used the word "vagina" for the
whole area.  Still not satisfied, I asked you all, because of my discom-
fort at calling a clitoris a vagina.

Well imagine my suprise when only one person said they called the whole
area the vagina, and that person's daughter had ideas of her own about
it!

I ran into a tiny bit of trouble tabulating the results, because some people
called the "whole area" one thing, but said they would give correct names
if asked for specifics.  So I only used the "whole name" label for those
people, leaving the "specific names" label for those who did not give a 
"whole area" name.  I have also left some of the more entertaining/inter-
esting quotes
on, with names deleted.  Thanks to all who responded.  This was really fun.

And the winner is....

"Vulva" - which is , after all, the correct name for the "female genitalia"
	- 8 votes
Crotch - 2
Privates - 1
Bum, with plans to change to vulva at a later date - 1
Call each part it's correct name - 1
Pee-hole, poop hole, baby hole - 1
"Possible" (see quote below) - 1
Vagina - (see quote below) - 1 - Note: 2 women said that they objected to
	 using this on a feminist basis, which I thought was interesting.
	 I had never thought of this.

A few people mentioned names for little boys.  Almost all penis, one added
balls.

Thanks again-- Laura Dolson
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I'm in favor of calling any body part by its real name, including
genitalia.  Of course, with a boy, it's a LOT easier--fewer moving
parts :-).  But, I think you were right to tell your daughter that
what she was touching/pointing to was her clitoris.  I take baths
with my son, and occasionally, he expresses interest in my body
parts.  However, since he just points and says "what's that?" my
stock reply is "pubic hair" since that's probably all he's able to
see from his angle!  BTW, I wouldn't call everything "vagina"
because that's as inaccurate as calling one's face "eye."  The
vagina is only a small part of a girl's genitalia.
-- 
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My wife is a nurse and knows all the technical terms.  I'm not a nurse, but
I know all the technical terms too, and you know something...the seem just
too dry and clinical, and not at all user friendly.

Among ourselves we tend to call a shit a shit, but realize that once the kid
arrives, we'll have quite the time explaining that certain words aren't
grandma words, so we'll probably go to the nurse term "poop."

I seem to recall reading somewhere (which supported a hunch I had) that
while the word vagina is the proper English clinical term for a female's
crotch parts, it was actually a vernacular term in Latin.  For the longest
time I've had images of some proper Roman mother washing her son's mouth out
with soap, saying, "How many times have I told you not to say 'vagina' in
this house!  The proper word is (fill in the vulgar English term of your
choosing)!"

My wife and I just call her crotch her crotch.  Sure, that covers a lot of
parts down there, but so does the hand include the palm and the five
fingers.  If we have a daughter we'll probably use the more userfriendly
crotch, even though strictly speaking everyone has one.

Male parts?  Well I'll have to admit that the term Dick seems vulgar to most
people, although it does sound a lot more friendly than penis.  Of course
there's always Peter, although I knew of one person who referred to her
boyfriend's penis as Waldo (I'm having strange images of a new series of
"Where's Waldo" books).

Of course, maybe it's just me...I grew up with stupid little terms like
poopading for penis and potty for vagina, so that when we stumbled across
the real words they sounded so strange.  So maybe using the proper clinical
name is the way to go.  However, as someone else said in a discussion
similar to this a few months ago, "arm" strictly speaking is not the proper
clinical term for what's between your shoulder and your hand (although, now
that I think about it, it *is* the correct term for the *collection* of
bones, muscles, nerves, and other parts that are grouped there.  Where it
may be wrong is when someone says "I broke my arm," when they really only
broke the xxx bone).

Hey...do whatever you want to do and don't worry about all the other
opinionated people on the net.  In time your kid will come up with her own
pet terms anyway...that's the wonderful thing about language.

Hope this helped and that you didn't consider it too vulgar.

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don't have kids myself, so who knows what I will eventually
come up with, but I have heard a couple mothers use the 
term vulva for the "region" and that is correct as far as I know.

and perhaps an easily shocked grandma will think they're
talking about volvo's and be confused :-)
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When asked directly about a specific part, we do name it for our kids.
But we say, "The scientific name for that is a clitoris.  It's
one of your private parts".  Our kids generally refer to those parts
as their "privates" -- that's their name for it.  Works fine for us,
especially later when trying to tell them what parts of theirs that
it's not OK for other people to touch.

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The word for "the whole area" is vulva, which is the word we taught our kids.
When they eventually got around to specific curiosities, we added clitoris or
vagina or urethra or whatever.  But I say "don't forget to wash your
vulva..." rather than having to catalog all of the components.

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One advantage to "vulva" is that, while clinically correct, it is not
likely to attract a crowd if shouted in the middle of a store.

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  The problem with giving genitalia the wrong anatomical names is that
people never bother to learn the correct ones!  (I have taught my
daughter to wipe her vulva after peeing - and so far, that is the only
part of her anatomy that needed the text book name.  By the way, a
clitoris is so small, are you sure it was her clitoris?  A clitoris is
usually hooded and you have to pull back the hood even to find it!
  Just recently, I was reading an article in a magazine about a raunchy
show in a nightclub in Japan.  This magazine was something like Vanity
Fair (although it could have been Newsweek!)  The writer said that the
dancer on the stage had a tiny camera that she was using to film her
vagina and the image was displayed on the screen above her.  Since the
vagina is an inside area of a woman's anatomy, I could only visualize
a tiny camera with perhaps tiny lights and tiny cameramen!  He meant
the vulva, I am sure.  Not only did he make the mistake but his editor
(on this prestigious magazine) didn't know the difference, nor the
proofreaders!

[Note from Laura: I'm sure you're right, it was the clitoral hood, not
the clitoris per se... well, it was that little bud between her labia!]

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Well, my approach may not be for those with purist leanings,
but I decided that proper names for little girl's private 
parts were ... well difficult for a toddler.  So, after some
thought, we used: pee-hole, poop-hole, and baby-hole.  The
baby-hole term came about when [] noticed she had
an apparently non-functional hole.  We use "bottom" for the
collective area.  This approach seems to work well for us.
Sabrina has a clear concept of the terms meanings and it
is *immediately* obvious what she means on the few occasions
she has needed to describe a problem.

The subject of clitorus really hasn't come up.  I suspect when
we have some organized discussions of sex (which I was planning
on doing about age 7 or 8) we'll discuss more details.  

I've also told [] that our words aren't the "real"
terms & we've gone over what her parts are officially called.
But, hey, the words are harder to say & harder to remember.

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I think that this is a good question. I cringe when people refer to female
genitalia as "vagina", since the vagina is only the actual hole, and the 
other parts are much more important except with respect to intercourse,
which is pretty far off from what you want your toddler's experience to be!
If you don't dislike Latin-derived terms, I think that "vulva" is much more
appropriate, as it includes all of the female genitals. I think that equating
"vagina" with the whole area is a rather male-centered attitude.

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This probably won't help you any, but [] insists that her vagina
is her "front butt". She is very tuned into "front" and "back" as adjectives,
her back is not her back but her "back tummy", and her tummy is, of course,
her "front tummy". And I'm sure that by now you've figured out that her rear 
end is her "back butt".

I've tried to get her to start using the correct terms (vagina was as speficic
as I planned to get, though) but every time I do she corrects me "No, that's
my front butt." Well, she's only 3, I guess sooner or later she'll figure it
out ....


We use "bum" for everything covered by underwear. When we need to be
more specific, we refer to the front or the back of the bum. The
exception is clitoris, which [] at first insisted was a penis
(dis my peanut!) and then proudly told anyone who changed her diaper
"dis my kris!". She wanted to know what it was and we told her. When
we feel that "front of your bum" is too confusing, we'll use "vulva",
a perfectly good word for female genitalia. I really hate using
"vagina" for the whole area. It's wrong, and I think it is used because
"that's what goes with a penis, so it's the equivalent". It bothers
me on some sort of feminist level that I can't explain well.

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[] is only 7 weeks old, so who knows how our language will evolve.
It is certainly my intent to teach him that his penis is a penis and not
something else.  My husband and I usually bathe him together in the tub,
and as Skip washes []'s anal-genital area he always says, "and now we'll
wash possible."  This comes from Skip's grandmother's advice - "Wash up
as far as possible, and down as far as possible, and then wash possible." 
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