HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rlm2s@faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU (Robert Learnard Mcgee)
Subject: Straight jokes?
Organization: University of Virginia
Distribution: usa
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 20:14:20 GMT

Does anyone out there in USENET land know any heterosexual jokes? I've
heard *plenty* of gay jokes in my time (plus a few specifically aimed at
lesbians), but I can't recall any jokes that poke good-natured fun at
"breeders." Can anybody suggest some? (Nothing too vicious, mind you;
after all, some of my closest friends are straight.) Oh, I just thought
of one, but it's rather an old formula-- Q: How many straight college boys does 
it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Screw in a WHAT? Oh, gross, man... I'd
never do that. Fuckin' sick! Dude, fuck, man... where's the beer? <punches the 
other person in the shoulder>
Well, I need hardly point out that this was only a very crude prototype, but
with some overhauling and a light coat of Thompson's Water Seal (tm), it
might actually be a servicable witticism at your next party. Still, I'm
sure SOMEONE could come up with better...
                        Rob
From: Minotaur@cup.portal.com (A Frank Swilling)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Marky Mark and Calvin Klein
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 92 19:36:05 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
  <Bxtz9A.CM4@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu> <mattm-161192155215@mcmelmon.apple.com>
  <17036@umd5.umd.edu>

Jeff Shaumeyer sez:

>Matthew Melmon (mattm@apple.com) wrote:
>
>> Are you sure?  Isn't Tomlin the one who did the operator (One wingy
>> dingy...  Two wingy dingy...)  I thought she was Babawa Wawa.  But,
>> if not, I shall amend the statement:
>>
>>   As per Gilda Radner's fabu spoof...
>
>Consider it amended.

>[Yes, Tomlin did the operator, but it was "ringy dingy",
> and that was "Laugh-In" anyway.]

>> (Who was Rosane, Rosanna Danna?  I thought that was Gilda...)

>Yes....  What?  As though Gilda wasn't talented
>enough for *two* roles?

>--jns

And let's not forget that other wonderful Gilda Radner character,
and my personal favorite after Rosanne Rosannadanna...

Emily Litella!

Frank
Minotaur@cup.portal.com
From: roger@quantime.co.uk (Roger Phillips)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Marky Mark and Calvin Klein
Date: 15 Nov 92 20:25:52 GMT
Reply-To: roger@quantime.co.uk (Roger Phillips)
Organization: Quantime Ltd, London (software for market research)

From November's "The Face":

  '"I particularly like pussy, but everyone's got their
  sexual preference.  A lot of deep people [rappers] don't
  feel it's God's will, but that doesn't bother me and
  people really do have the right to do what they want.
  And if they're into me, then cool, as long as they don't
  try to offend me and are into my music.

(Got that?  You may lust after him as long as you like the music.)

  '"I know a lot of gay people and I respect them, and you
  don't have to worry about getting stuck up by a gay dude.

(What does he mean by "stuck up"?)

  '"Yo, if you're gay you're in the house, just don't do
  that shit around me!  Don't try to fuck me!  Bring your
  sister though, you can watch.  I respect people,
  everybody who's doing their own thing, as long as they're
  not harming anybody else by doing it."

(The Face's John Godfrey continues:)

  'Now clasping his dick so tight the veins on his arms are
  sticking out like pipe cleaners, he answers without
  hesitation and with genuine warmth.  The fact that Marky
  Mark is not homophobic shouldn't come as a surprise, but
  it does.  Hip hop culture is not noted for its concern
  for lesbians and gays, and make no mistake, Marky Mark
  _is_  a rapper.  It's just that the only people who pay
  him "props" [proper respect] are other rappers.  To
  everybody else he is a pop icon, fashion icon and now gay
  icon.'

(So there you go.)
-- 
Roger Phillips                            roger@quantime.co.uk
"*duckshove* (Austr. and N.Z., coll.) to jump a queue (orig. of
taxi-drivers): to cheat: to steal: to avoid responsibilities"
-- Chambers English Dictionary (1988)
From: mattm@apple.com (Matthew Melmon)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: discrimination at CMU
Date: 15 Nov 92 19:25:07 GMT
Followup-To: soc.motss
Organization: Apple Computer, Inc.

In article <1992Nov15.034951.4217@macc.wisc.edu>, anderson@macc.wisc.edu
(Jess Anderson) wrote:

> In article <mattm-131192142712@mcmelmon.apple.com>
> mattm@apple.com (Matthew Melmon) writes:
> 
> >I [...] do not believe it is the responsibility of a drama
> >school to try and change dominant social perceptions.
> 
> Is it anyone's responsibility?  If so, whose?  If not,
> why not?

In the theater arts, I place the responsibility for change on those
artists who want to be 'different.'  If they are compelling in 
their performances, then audiences will - over time - accept 
the new 'style.'  If they are not compelling, the style didn't
deserve to be adopted.  In the case of 'gay' theater, I do not
believe in it.  Nor do I believe in 'gay' authors, or 'gay'
film makers.  Only in theater, writing, or film.  The adjective
is a sign of inferior product.

Significantly, 'gay' theater *is* developing - somewhere else the
play "Angels in America" was mentioned.  It is a strong play, and
deals a great deal with homosexuality.  Film is moving that way.
_Swoon_, for example (Claire of the Lune, on the other hand, 
stands as a good example of 'gay' film - it was an inferior product,
remarkable only for the fact that it was about lesbians.  I have
no idea how it was received in reviews, but I would have blasted
it - and no doubt been accused of 'homophobia').

When talented homosexual artists have made enough marks, the
perceptions of society will change.  But it is not incumbent upon
society to make those changes; nor upon 'institutions.'  It is
incumbent upon the artists who feel so strongly that society 
*should* change.

*X*
Newsgroups: soc.motss
From: norris@infonode.ingr.com (Jeff Norris)
Subject: Re: bear vs. twink
Organization: Intergraph Corporation, Huntsville, AL.
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 20:54:09 GMT

markm@ogicse.ogi.edu (Mark Morrissey) writes:
>
>I find myself pretty much limited to motss, but not further limited and
>don't particularly appreciate people who assume that just because I am
>not dating a smooth-skinned person that I could not be so attacted.  I
>am similarly offended by people who assume that I limit my attraction to
><insert label here> just because I am dating someone who may fall
>into that category.

Although there are a few physical traits that I'm not attracted to, I have
to take the whole package into account (preferably reclining nude beside
me).  And some people I find attractive at first then not later (and visa
versa).  I guess I'm one of those people who, when stating a preference, 
would say "average".

>[...]
>So let's see more stories about *people* who just might happen to be ursine
>or smooth or maybe even <gasp> not specified?

When I visited Portland last week, I had to ask Mark how I would know him 
in a crowded restaurant.  It occured to me then how I have become acquainted
with so many of you with very little idea of how you look (the gif archives
helped a lot later on).  Maybe it's better that way: to form an opinion on 
the "attractiveness" of someone before their physical attributes get in the
way.  

Then again, it *is* fun to lust for a body now and then without having to 
*think* about their mind.

-jeff [who has never described his appearance to this group, but wonders
       how others imagine him. (careful, I have a fragile ego)]
From: Furr@cup.portal.com (George Dalton Madison)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Marky Mark and Calvin Klein (was Re: Scott Masden)
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 92 21:35:35 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
  <69575@cup.portal.com> <1992Nov16.161458.17889@spdcc.com>

Bob Donahue writes:
>Furr@cup.portal.com (George Dalton Madison) writes:
>>Thank you.  I find it interesting that when the Bears are
>>discussing what they find attractive in this forum, we get the
>>cries of "Oh no, all that Bear crap again!"
>George, you forget, if the "b" word is *in* the posting, it
>gets counted as a "ohnonotanotherbearposting". 

Thanks for proving that this perspective isn't exclusive to
myself, as several people have been saying.

>The big umbrella only works as long as you can balance it
>upside-down ont he tip of your finger.  Eventually it starts to tip
>and tilt in different directions.

Indeed.
 
() [M]y definition of a Teddy Bear:
()   A Grizzly Bear, on good behavior, complete with paws
()   and claws... and not ALWAYS on good behavior....
()      -- Bear Leather
-----
[> George D. Madison | NBCS: B8f+t+w-e+s+k+a!cv | Just say NO to razors! <]
[> It's a BEAR thing -- you wouldn't understand. <|> furr@cup.portal.com <]
From: rogerk@QueerNet.ORG (Roger B.A. Klorese)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: the purpose of soc.motss (was: off-topic discussions)
Date: 15 Nov 92 18:41:36 GMT
Organization: QueerNet

In article <1992Nov10.174049.26088@Princeton.EDU>, spencer@shine.Princeton.EDU
(S. Spencer Sun) writes:
|> I'm not drawing distinctions between gay and not-gay aspects of life.  If
|> you're gay, then you're gay for every second of your life.  But that
|> doesn't mean it's RELEVANT every second of your life.

Really?  News to me.

|> I think you can
|> draw a similar parallel to race here.  I happen to be Chinese also, but
|> I don't feel compelled to draw attention to it while I'm having dinner
|> with my friends, or discussing music, or bitching about asshole
|> professors.  If I mentioned "Oh by the way, I'm Chinese" into any of
|> those conversations, they'd look at me funny and say "What's your
|> point?"

And being Chinese hasn't informed your experience in ways it has not informed
mine?  Bull.  One of the things I can say with certainty is that queerness
affects the way I look at *everything*...
-- 
ROGER B.A. KLORESE                                              +1 415 ALL-ARFF
rogerk@unpc.QueerNet.ORG              {ames,decwrl,pyramid}!sgiblab!unpc!rogerk
"Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from."
                                                                   -- J. Foster
Newsgroups: soc.motss,soc.bi
From: heard@franklin.cc.utas.edu.au (George Heard (Laurie 8))
Subject: Re: Gays in the Australian Military
Keywords: newspaper report
Organization: University of Tasmania, Australia.
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 21:38:30 GMT

Little update on the Gays in the Australian Military thing...

- This morning on the radio there were three interviews, one with an officer
in the Australian Navy saying that any homosexual in the Navy wouldn't last
a day, they would be thrown overboard. I have personally heard this opinion
from my cousin in the Navy as well...
  Second interview was with an opposition minister who said that they would
oppose the bill in the Senate, since all this bill is about is pandering to
US President-Elect Bill Clinton. He claimed this wasn't a human rights issue,
it was buttering up the new US government.
  Third interview was with an ex-Labor politician saying that the first two
interviews were full of it, and that there was no other sensible thing than
to remove the ban on gays in the military. This bloke spoke very positively,
but hankered a bit on constant HIV testing, which may have detrated from the
argument about the case in point.


  Sorry if this is a tad garbled - the interviews were on when I woke up this
morning, and I've just got in to Uni (coffeeeeeeeeee please).

  I do have a confession to make on this matter. I am a dead-set pacifist. I
think there should be no ban on gays in the military, but I will confess to
using my sexaulity as a deterrant when I was approached by an over-zealous
Army Reserve Recruitment officer. It was a stupid thing to do, but arguments
like "I don't want to join your horrible fucking Army" just weren't working.
All he wanted me for was so I could play woodwinds in the 6MD band!

  Personal note - due to crossposting, this is my first post to soc.motss. Big
G'day to everyone I know, especially the irc guys. Sorry there aren't as many
jokes as my normal postings.

Cheerio
Laurie 8

Laurie 8 <heard@franklin.cc.utas.edu.au> | Some Driveways are concrete
Theoretical Chemistry PhD student        | Some Driveways have bricks
University of Tasmania, Australia        | Other Driveways
Unashamed 70s man, glad to be glam.      | Have Pebble-Mix - Laurie 8         
Opinions expressed above are those not only of Laurie 8, but the whole world
From: mickw@autodesk.com (Mick Washbrook)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Bear Crap
Date: 20 Nov 92 21:16:37 GMT

In article <69735@cup.portal.com>, Furr@cup.portal.com (George Dalton Madison) writes:
> 
> I realize we're probably not going to do away with the prejudice
> against "overweight" any time soon; but there is no reason
> whatsoever -- bullshit aside -- that the much-vaunted (by others)
> _International Male_ catalogue couldn't have a handsome,
> muscular, 40ish Daddy type with a furry chest and a thick, salt
> and pepper moustache -- or a late 20s Bear Cub with a nice beard and
> a "torso-t" of fur to emphasize his pecs and abs.  

Talking about fabulous fashions (we were, weren't we?), have you seen
the latest IM catalogue? They've really outdone themselves this time.
I think the workout gear with the bra was priceless. Or maybe the
"thing" that's so *brief* that Madonna would probably blush to wear
it (she'd look more butch in it than half the models, that's for
sure). I think the way IM has slipped lithely into self-parody
is the fashion-heist of the century.

--
Death to all fanatics!!

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.
From: richard@Apple.COM (a flying squirrel)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Today's NY Times
Date: 18 Nov 92 22:22:18 GMT
Organization: Xiola Blue

Mara Chibnik writes:

>Recently the pace has picked up.  Since the presidential campaign
>these topics have been hot in all the media.  The _Times_ at least
>is keeping up with things.  Today's paper had the following articles 
>(that I caught):

I picked up that issue yesterday at the hotel gift shop and read it 
through my lunch of consomme and cheese raviolis with pesto that was
*to* *die* *for*.  I saw all of the articles you have mentioned, and
wondered if NYT was always like this.  Now that I've dumped the Chronicle
(except Sundays -- gotta have that Pink Section), perhaps I should
subscribe.  Until I can get Headline News on my Dick Tracy watch, of course.

Now it this nyc.motss dinner (T-1.5 hours) turns out to be as pleasantly
surprising ;^) I may even return to Manhattan again.
-- 
a flying squirrel is: richard@apple.com  Apple Computer Inc.

i'm your girl            friend
i'm your squirrel        friend
i'm your round the world friend

"In America, we can't even get corruption right."  - my CFII.
From: markm@ogicse.ogi.edu (Mark Morrissey)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Can anyone tell me about this TV show?
Date: 18 Nov 92 02:13:53 GMT
Article-I.D.: ogicse.46043
Organization: Oregon Graduate Institute (formerly OGC), Beaverton, OR

In article <1992Nov17.162049.8726@spdcc.com> dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer) writes:
>
>I'm an original furnace but I don't find that a beard
>makes me feel hotter (well, THAT way.)  Is this a problem with sweat?

Nope.  Slight temperature increases around the cranium have unpleasant
effects.  I don't wear hats if exertion is involved either.

--mark
---
Mark Morrissey     markm@cse.ogi.edu     Hate is NOT a Family Value.
"You picked a bad day.  Pat Buchanan's here, and he's passing out a
petition to get the name of the species changed to hetero-sapien..."
 - Phil, the bar owner on "Murphy Brown"
Newsgroups: soc.motss
From: elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Subject: Re: What Gay Sex (was Re: How Many Homosexuals?)
Originator: elf@halcyon.com
Reply-To: elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Organization: Pendor, UnLtd.
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 01:09:36 GMT

In article <102165@bu.edu> kane@buast7.bu.edu (Hot Young Star) writes:

>au.toch.tho.nous \o.-'ta:k-th*-n*s\ \-ne-\ aj : INDIGENOUS, NATIVE - 
>   au.toch.tho.nous.ly av
>
>I must say, Jess, you've been waxing Paglian lately!
>Are you an Appolonian or a Dionysian?

   I must say, having actually _read_ Sexual Personae recently and been
able to happily keep up, that I'm rather fond of the Appolonian model.
However, in the bedroom I'm a strict Dionysian... sort of.  ;-)

   I'd recommend reading Sexual Personae to anyone who's had the
benefit of a classical Humanities education; otherwise, don't bother.
I spent hours in the school library tracking down and reading her
references.  Like many posts to the 'net, I don't trust her quoting in
context...

         Elf !!!
-- 
      __        | The post you have just read is real, but it could
      \/        | have been avoided.  Inbreeding is everyone's
Elf Sternberg   | problem.  Contact your local Mormon church and 
elf@halcyon.com | be sure you aren't marrying a close relative.
From: nelson@reed.edu (Nelson Minar)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Not Enough Sucking on Keanu
Date: 16 Nov 92 02:06:27 GMT
Article-I.D.: reed.1992Nov16.020627.26465
Reply-To: nelson@reed.edu (Nelson Minar)
Organization: Reed College, Portland, OR

In article <mattm-151192115055@mcmelmon.apple.com> mattm@apple.com (Matthew Melmon) writes:
>(who remembers now that Keanu isn't a particularly gifted actor;
>or, his voice is naturally 'over-actish.')

No kidding! I think a lot of people forgive his poor acting because he
has a pretty face, but frankly I don't care much for the way he looks,
either. I think he's rather boring looking. He's not an offensively
bad actor, but he ain't much.

Now Winona Ryder on the other hand.. I haven't seen Dracula yet (went
to see it Friday, but it was sold out), but she's been great in the
other things I've seen.

ObMotss - it was rumoured that Christian Slater had a thing for Winona
Ryder. I don't know about that, but I think he's attractive.

                __
nelson@reed.edu \/                    The sully-van vultures are on the prowl
Newsgroups: soc.motss,alt.politics.homosexuality,co.politics,co.general,talk.politics.misc,co.politics.amend2.discuss,boulder.general,csu.general
From: skinner@sp1.csrd.uiuc.edu (Gregg Skinner)
Subject: Re: Support the boycott (was Re: Don't boycott all of Colorado)
Reply-To: g-skinner@uiuc.edu
Organization: UIUC Center for Supercomputing Research and Development
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 92 03:35:29 GMT

cfthb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu (Howard Black) writes:

>Even though homosexuality isn't mentioned in
>the NT (as far was I'm aware)?

Most (all?) current English translations of Paul's letters contain
references to homosexuality.  Once instance is in 1 Corinthians:

   Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male
   prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor theives, ..., will inherit
   the kingdom of God.

I would be remiss if I did not mention that in some circles there is
debate as to whether the Greek words have been translated correctly.
--
Gregg Skinner       I do not speak for any organization.

Newsgroups: soc.motss
From: thaaang@cwis.unomaha.edu (John Dorrance)
Subject: Re: Fundamentalists and the clitoris
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 06:11:38 GMT

Really devout male fundamentalists get nipplectomies, you know.

--
John Dorrance        * Sexyfunky Motherfuckerdiva *   thaaang@cwis.unomaha.edu

		I bet if you threw that ass into the air
			It'd turn into sunshine!
From: jns@elea.umd.edu (J. N. Shaumeyer)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Sucking on Keanu Reeves
Date: 22 Nov 92 23:53:52 GMT
Organization: Militant Homosexual Lobby, Gay Lifestyles, Inc.


Matthew Melmon (mattm@apple.com) wrote:
 
> kfj@hpuerca.atl.hp.com (Kirk Johanning) wrote:
> > 
> > richard@Apple.COM (a flying squirrel) writes:
>  
> > >You could always ask Matthew about that surly waiter we had.
> > 
> > Ok, Matthew, what about that surly waiter you had??
> 
> He was French.

Active or passive?

--jns
Newsgroups: soc.motss
From: max@queernet.org (Max J. Rochlin)
Subject: Re: Velveeta (was Patrick Stewart & "Space Age")
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 18:13:46 GMT
Organization: QueerNet

In article <thaaang.722054024@cwis> thaaang@cwis.unomaha.edu (John Dorrance) writes:
>Velveeta cheese food:

I NEVER feed my cheese.  Never.  Ever.

-- 
+-----------------------------------------+
|  max@queernet.org  |   Max J. Rochlin   |
+-----------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: soc.motss
From: paul@psych.toronto.edu (Paul Hastings)
Subject: Re: Men Not Getting It
Organization: Department of Psychology, University of Toronto
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 23:49:35 GMT

>In article <1992Nov15.175029.11147@cis.ohio-state.edu>, 
>amz@iguana.cis.ohio-state.edu (Arnold M Zwicky) writes:

>|> the classic route for straight guys to get it is having a daughter.

As I understand it, it's illegal just about everywhere for men to
"get it" from their daughters.
Or sons, for that matter.

What's all this about men not getting it, anyways?  I mean, really,
are things that slow across the continent that so little action 
happens?  Have you tried turning of your terminals and doing a 
little cruising face-to-face (or some other body part)?  I mean,
I don't have to try that hard to get it.  Why, just las-- 

What?

Oh.  Different getting it.  Never mind.

-paul

-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Hastings    paul@psych.utoronto.ca          545 Dovercourt Road
University of Toronto      416-978-3990          Toronto, Ont.  M6H 2W5
M. Mark: I can teach you to dance with no intoxication.  (yeah, right!)   
Newsgroups: soc.motss
From: gsmith@clio.iwr.uni-heidelberg.de (Gene W. Smith)
Subject: Re: Fundamentalists and the clitoris
Organization: IWR, University of Heidelberg, Germany
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 92 18:38:13 GMT

In article <9NOV92.11344298@enh.nist.gov> aberson@enh.nist.gov writes:

>In sexual-education, the clitoris does not exist.  It cannot be shown,
>and it cannot be mentioned.

When I was in high school, I heard a lot of the usual boasting from
boys who "made out" last night.  One day we were dissecting a fetal
pig, and we got to the clitoris.  I was astonished to discover that my
lab partner did not know what the clitoris was or did, and ever after
listened to all that talk with a lot more scepticism.

-- 
     Gene Ward Smith/Brahms Gang/IWR/Ruprecht-Karls University 
               gsmith@kalliope.iwr.uni-heidelberg.de
Newsgroups: soc.motss
From: michaelh@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Mike Hennahane)
Subject: Re: Sucking on Keanu Reeves
Organization: CS Department, Stanford University, California, USA
Date: 18 Nov 92 09:25:34 GMT

richard@Apple.COM (a flying squirrel) writes:

>*X*:

>>Well, it's decidedly heterosexual...  And you've never seen The
>>Muffin - so I shall need the support of witnesses in asserting he
>>is *very* *edible*!  (The Squirrel would perhaps be most credible).

>He is indeed cute.  However, my credibility on this matter was/is filtered
>by the magic of chianti. Therefore, I am not to be trusted.

you lying rodent!  he has been a pesonal favourite of yours ever since
i have known you!  oh.  right.  i guess that there usually *is* a
bottle of chianti involved whenever we are in the same place at the
same time....  oh well, i don't live near the muffin any longer
anyway...

--mike

Newsgroups: soc.motss
From: raffin@fhr.ma30.bull.com (Patrick Raffin)
Subject: Re: Patrick Stewart & "Space Age"
Organization: Bull HN Information Systems Inc.
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 20:58:05 GMT

In article <1992Nov17.142003.102979@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> dh0a@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (DONALD L. HARDY) writes:
>>> Where is Patrick Stewart from,      >Somewhere in the UK.
>>> and whence his manner of speaking?
>
>I thought he was a French fellow, raised in the wine country.
>
>Does this mean that in the future we have succeeded and finally eliminated
>French as a language!?!?!?
>

YOU (american people, as represented by Hollywood) succeeded and eliminated
French as a language (in Star Trek:TNG) in the same way as you eliminated
queer people, if we are to believe this same source  :-)
--
Patrick RAFFIN, raffin@fhr.bull.com 
  __       Just a French tourist,
  \/       doesn't speak English, nor Unix