HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: davido@rhi.hi.is (David Oddsson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,eunet.jokes
Subject: mother Margareth
Date: 4 Sep 92 13:28:15 GMT
Followup-To: rec.humor


Mother Margareth once died, and since she had been a really good nun she
naturally expected a nice stay in heaven for eternity to come.

But somehow there was a mixup in the system, so she landed in hell instead.
Hysterically she called Peter in heaven, and said:
Peter! This is mother Margareth speaking, somehow i have landed in hell, and
now you MUST get me out of here, i heard thei're going to have some sex orgy
down here to night so you have got to fix this before then.

But since Peter has been dead for many hundred years, he was starting to
forget things, and so he forgot all about mother Margareth, until the next
morning as she calls him again.

Pete boy! she says this is Maggi here, ...eh you know ... the thing we
talked about last night?! Just forget it.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
\\/////\\\\\\//\\\\//\\//\\//////\\/////\\\\\\\\David Oddsson\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
\\\//\//\\\\////\\\//\\//\\\\//\\\\\//\//\\\\\\\\\student in computer  science\\
\\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\\\//\\\\\//\\//\\\\\\\\at the University of Iceland\\
\\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\\\//\\\\\//\\//\\\\\\Home: Veghus 15. 112 Reykjavik\\
\\\//\\//\\//////\\//\\//\\\\//\\\\\//\\//\\\\\\Elm.: davido@rhi.hi.is\\\\\\\\\\
\\\//\//\\\//\\//\\\////\\\\\//\\\\\//\//\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
\\/////\\\\//\\//\\\\//\\\\//////\\/////\\\\\\<-2C||!2C the name... DAVID \\\\\\
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
From: cooperr@a.cs.okstate.edu (COOPER ROBERT BRYA)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: Request for Lyrics: Lydia
Date: 29 Aug 92 19:32:53 GMT
Article-I.D.: a.1992Aug29.193253.28677
Organization: Oklahoma State University, Computer Science, Stillwater

In article <36871@uflorida.cis.ufl.edu> erudite writes:
>In article <6Fi1PB7w164w@cellar.org>, kml@cellar.org (John Galt) writes...
>>I'm looking for the lyrics to a Marx Brothers song:
>> 
>>"Lydia oh Lydia, Lydia oh Lydia,
>> Lydia the tattooed lady..."
>> 
>> 
>>Much obliged.
>> 
>
>Try watching "The Fisher King".  I believe Robin Williams may sing the whole
>song through.  It's a great movie to see anyway.

I'm not sure this is a good suggestion, since Robin adds his
own verses to the song, including one about Michael Jackson.

Bryan cooper, cooperr@a.cs.okstate.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: sprooney@unix1.tcd.ie (Simon Rooney)
Subject: Re: Request for Lyrics: Lydia
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 01:11:35 GMT



>I'm looking for the lyrics to a Marx Brothers song:
> 
>"Lydia oh Lydia, Lydia oh Lydia,
> Lydia the tattooed lady..."

Um... I think I have this one at home. I couldn't be sure. I know
it's been a while since this was posted, but I haven't been ableto
get to it.
If you want it, either mail me, and I'll get it for you in a while,
or post to atl.tv.muppets, coz Kermit sung it on an album, and
that's where I got it.

MNSio
From: frank@vatmom.COM (Frank M. Haynes)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: Request for Lyrics: Lydia
Date: 3 Sep 92 03:16:40 GMT
Organization: The Vatmom Organisation

>In article <6Fi1PB7w164w@cellar.org>, kml@cellar.org (John Galt) writes...
>>I'm looking for the lyrics to a Marx Brothers song:
>>"Lydia oh Lydia, Lydia oh Lydia,
>> Lydia the tattooed lady..."
>> 
>> 
>>Much obliged.
>> 
>Try watching "The Fisher King".  I believe Robin Williams may sing the whole
>song through.  It's a great movie to see anyway.

Hmmmmmmm.  Seen several replies to the request for Lydia lyrics.
None of the replies contained the lyrics, however.
Nobody has 'em written down, huh?

--Frank
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Frank Haynes                 406 Pinetree Circle   Decatur, GA 30032
+1 404 279-4626                                     frank@vatmom.COM
-- 
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Frank Haynes                 406 Pinetree Circle   Decatur, GA 30032
+1 404 279-4626                                     frank@vatmom.COM
From: mcsdc1jcwj@dct.ac.uk
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: Polack joke . 
Date: 29 Aug 92 11:04:07 +0100
Organization: Dundee Institute of Technology

For fuck's sake , what a bunch of kids .

Who the hell is so sad as to actually be offended by ethnic jokes ?

Well , I guess it shows . This is a rec.humour group . It contains jokes . Do
you remember what jokes are ? Yes , jokes are funny little stories that are for
poking fun . They aren't actually searing political inditements . Aren't you
just so dumb ? And pollacks are supposed to be dumb in the jokes . I guess
you're just subscribing to the stereotype by being it .

I'm Scottish and although I get just a little bit tired of people asking me
where my kilt is , I can take it . And jokes about Scottish people being mean
don't make me respond with pathetic threats of physical violence . If you are
looking to beat me up because you can't reason out a debate , then this is my
address :

Flat 2/2
1A Morgan Street
Dundee
Scotland .

Chances are though , that you'll never be near Scotland . Oh dear . But I guess
the country is better off without your type of scum in it .

Love jon.
xxx
-- 
 _____________________________________________________________________________
|                                          |  |_______|                       |
| Sky and clouds and birds and trees and   |  |       |     _     (______ .   |
| babies and children and grass and plants |   \_____/    _(_)     _          |
| and rainbows and little bunny rabbits can|              ----|-  (_)         |
| all say hello to Mr.Flamethrower here .  |  |-------|           ___         |
|**Hell is for Children**Only women bleed**|                      __)         |
| The Reverend Laird Jon.Justice of Camster|  ________|           .           |
|__________________________________________|          |                       |
| mcsdc1jcwj@vaxb.dct.ac.uk | My opinions are all my own and not the college's|
'---------------------------' even when they are . etc, etc, etc .            |
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xref: sparky rec.humor.d:2242 rec.humor:27397
From: che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d,rec.humor
Subject: Wanted: Quayle Song
Date: 31 Aug 92 08:57:34 +1000
Organization: Computer Centre, Monash University, Australia

Does anyone have the lyrics to "I spent the war in Indiana"?
Please post them or mail them to me.

advTHANXance

Bruce
From: buman@CS.ColoState.EDU (Sue Buman)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: See Figure 1 Request
Date: 1 Sep 92 04:19:54 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Colorado State University

Suject says it all. A friend of mine is looking for a file entitled

"See Figure 1". Please e-mail to: buman@mozart.cs.colostate.edu.

Thanks in advance!
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: hinz@picard.med.ge.com (David Hinz Mfg 4-6987)
Subject: Re: Request for Lyrics: Lydia
Organization: GE Medical Systems, Magnetic Resonance
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Wed, 2 Sep 92 06:24:32 GMT

COOPER ROBERT BRYA (cooperr@a.cs.okstate.edu) wrote:
: In article <36871@uflorida.cis.ufl.edu> erudite writes:
: >
: >Try watching "The Fisher King".  I believe Robin Williams may sing the whole
: >song through.  It's a great movie to see anyway.
: 
: I'm not sure this is a good suggestion, since Robin adds his
: own verses to the song, including one about Michael Jackson.
: 
: Bryan cooper, cooperr@a.cs.okstate.edu

Oh, by all means, limit your possible exposure to anything that might be
a threat or a change.

Ever heard of the "folk process" of song evolution?  

Yeesh.

--

Dave Hinz  -  Opinions expressed are mine, not my employer's.  Obviously.
hinzd@picard.med.ge.com
From: donita@scic.intel.com (Donita Thompson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Tammy Fae..????
Date: 4 Sep 92 20:27:45 GMT
Article-I.D.: scic.1992Sep4.202745.19604
Organization: Intel SCIC, Beaverton, OR

That song about Jim Bakker was great.  

Does anyone out there have a song about Tammy Fae????
From: sethb@fid.morgan.com (Seth Breidbart)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Organization: my opinions only
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 22:55:05 GMT

In article <1992Aug28.192813.6219@newstand.syr.edu> podgorny@npac.syr.edu (Marek Podgorny) writes:

> No one will protest against
>ethnic jokes posted to rec.humor.

Not true, but let them protest and ignore it.

> Quite another thing is cross-posting 
>such jokes to soc.culture.whatever - such  an act is an intentional
>offence.

It is a violation of netiquette to crosspost an ethnic joke to
soc.culture.ethnic.  It is equally a violation of netiquette to
crosspost any discussion of a joke to rec.humor.

Glass house, stone, CRASH tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle...

>If changing distribution is not beyond your limits, do it, and get
>out of here. Or, come to my place and tell me a polack joke face
>to face. You will have a chance to find out what legal consequences
>you might face and what MY RIGHTS are.

Well, if you physically attack someone for telling an offensive joke,
it's your right to spend a lot of time in prison.  It is your right to
say offensive things about the person who tells the joke, but aside
from a physical attack, what response do you feel you could take "face
to face" that you couldn't take via the net?

Seth		sethb@fid.morgan.com


Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: toma@romulus.cray.com (Thomas Arneberg)
Subject: Re: Request for Lyrics: Lydia
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 2 Sep 92 14:42:21 CDT

In article <sprooney.715309895@unix1.tcd.ie> sprooney@unix1.tcd.ie (Simon Rooney) writes:
>
>>I'm looking for the lyrics to a Marx Brothers song:
>> 
>>"Lydia oh Lydia, Lydia oh Lydia,
>> Lydia the tattooed lady..."
>
>or post to atl.tv.muppets, coz Kermit sung it on an album, and

It was also sung by the 1984 International Champion Barbershop Quartet from
Southern California, "The New Tradition." It is on their album by the same
name. I have the album at home somewhere (or at least I did two moves
ago...)

I do remember that the first couple lines are:

	Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclopedia,
	Lydia the tatooed lady...

---------------------------------------------+------------------------------
;-) I'd rather be ____  Thomas R. Arneberg   | Inet: toma@cray.com
:-) singing in a |____| Senior IC Design Eng.| UUCP: ...!uunet!cray!toma
:-) Barbershop  _|   _| Cray Research, Inc.  | CLAIM TO FAME: Loni Anderson 
:-) Quartet!   (_)  (_) Chippewa Falls, Wisc.|   went to my high school 
---------------------------------------------+------------------------------
Xref: sparky rec.humor.d:2243 rec.humor:27423
From: IQTI400@INDYCMS.IUPUI.EDU (macphil)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d,rec.humor
Subject: Re: Wanted: Quayle Song
Date: 31 Aug 92 14:32:34 GMT
Organization: IUPUI

In article <1992Aug31.085734.89923@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au>
che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au writes:
 
>
>Does anyone have the lyrics to "I spent the war in Indiana"?
>Please post them or mail them to me.
>
 
 
Which reminds me:  Bob & Tom (creators of "I Spent the War...") are
coming out /c a bunch of new songs by "Danny & The Quayles"
 
Once fringe benefit of living in Central Indiana...
From: michael@paul.bu.edu (Michael Chaplin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: Jelly Doughnuts???
Date: 28 Aug 92 01:40:11 GMT
	<1992Aug24.131123.89864@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au>
Organization: Boston University
In-reply-to: che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au's message of 24 Aug 92 03:11:23 GMT

In article <1992Aug24.131123.89864@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au> che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au writes:
   
  =If you are trying to say "I am from Berlin", you say "Ich bin Berliner".
  ="Ich bin ein Berliner" means "I am a doughnut", not a jelly doughnut.

  =Likewise, "Ich bin ein Hamburger" does not mean "I am from Hamburg".

  =Bitte sehr.

  =David aka Kartoffelkopf

Or, as Quayle would have it, "Kartoffele-kopf". 

Dieser Junger ist outta here-
Chaplin.

Ich kennte JFK. Ich arbeitete mit JFK. Herr Quayle, Sie sind KEIN JFK!


--
===========================================================================
Michael Chaplin                    Language is a virus from outer space.
michael@albert.bu.edu                     - William S. Burroughs

The Einstein Papers Project        The opinions contained herein reflect
Boston University                      neither those of the project, 
Boston, Massachusetts, U.S.A.          nor those of Albert Einstein.
From: dsmith@mailhost.aa.cad.slb.com (J. Daniel Smith)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: Sheer Hell
Summary: there really is a city called Hell, Michigan
Date: 28 Aug 92 04:41:03 GMT
Organization: Schlumberger CAD/CAM at Ann Arbor, MI

In <S451.3754@looking.on.ca> wdye@cse.unl.edu (William Dye) writes:
>(I believe this is original, suitable for T-shirt or bumper sticker.)
>Large letters:  I WENT THROUGH HELL!
>Small letters:  Elvis says "Hi!"
The first part quote "I WENT THROUGH HELL!" is rather common around
Ann Arbor, Michgain, but with a rather unexpected meaning: there is a
small village in the area with the name of "Hell".  

They have a official weather station there, so that people around the
country can find out if their city is hotter/colder than Hell.  Each
summer there is a 100 mile bicycle tour called "One Helluva Ride".
They have road races with names like "Run Through Hell" and "When Hell
Freezes Over".  Anyway, you get the idea...

   Dan
-- 
============================================================================
J. Daniel Smith                     Internet: dsmith@aa.cad.slb.com
Schlumberger CAD/CAM                          dsmith@aaaca1.sinet.slb.com
Ann Arbor, Michigan (USA)               UUCP: uunet!sharkey!applga!dsmith
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d,soc.culture.polish,alt.censorship
From: sethb@fid.morgan.com (Seth Breidbart)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Followup-To: rec.humor.d
Organization: my opinions only
Date: Sat, 29 Aug 1992 03:49:17 GMT

In article <1992Aug28.154306.17938@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com>
marios@ecs.comm.mot.com (mario smarduch) quotes about 80 lines of
other postings, only to add:

>What kind of idiot are you? Look at the group title: soc.culture.polish
>this has nothing to do with dog jokes. So why don't you post this crap
>in rec.humor.

Mario is obviously too self-important to take his own advice, or he
would have noticed that both his posting, and the one he replied to
are cross-posted to rec.humor, soc.culture.polish, and alt.censorship.

And if he bothered to read news.announce.newusers, he would have
learned that it is considered proper to edit down quoted postings to
the minimal amount necessary for context.  Of course, if he doesn't
bother following netiquette, I see no reason anybody else should pay
any attention to his desires.

Seth		sethb@fid.morgan.com
From: tnele@rrc.chevron.com (Nathan Leon)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Jack Handey
Date: 26 Aug 92 19:46:29 GMT
Organization: Chevron, California
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL3

I just started following this group, so please excuse me if this has been
done already, but...

Does anyone have an electronic list of "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey"?
Could somebody point me to where I can find a list of them, or email them
to me?

Thanks!
===============================================================================
		    Nathan Leon, Chevron, San Ramon, CA

		Please reply to: tnele1@cpvma.ion.chevron.com

   "...and if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know."

			The above views are solely my own,
		     but can be yours for a low, monthly cost!
===============================================================================
From: vander@flab.fujitsu.co.jp (Mike van der Velden)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Murphy's Laws
Date: 4 Sep 92 07:47:14 GMT
Organization: Fujitsu Laboratories Ltd., Kawasaki, Japan


I'm looking for Murphy's Law lists.  

I have "Murphy's Laws of Combat", and I recently lost "Murphy's Laws
of Sex" (accidentally, I might add.  I hate it when my computer does
what I say, and not what I mean).

Could someone please e-mail me or post "Murphy's Laws of Sex" and any
other "Murphy's Laws of XXX" that you might have?  

Thanks.
--
Mike van der Velden
Distributed Systems Laboratory, Fujitsu Laboratories Ltd., Kawasaki, Japan
e-mail: vander@tokyo.hi.flab.fujitsu.co.jp

ps. If you send me a picture postcard      Mike van der Velden
    from your area to the address at       Fujitsu Unoki Dormitory, room 227
    right, I'll send you one from Tokyo.   2-17-18 Unoki, Ota-ku, Tokyo 146
    Postcards must be received by          Japan
    November 15, 1992
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: mesm@netcom.com (Mary E. S. Morris)
Subject: Bush...Again
Date: Wed, 02 Sep 92 03:38:23 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 

I watched Bush's speech tonight about hurican' Andrew.

Bush commented that over 250,000 people are homeless, but their
social security checks were still being delivered...I hope not 
to their homes....

--
Mary E. S. Morris    |  The future exists first in imagination, then
mesm@netcom.COM      |  in will, then in reality. -- Galivan Burwell
=====================================================================
Netcom - Online Communication Services San Jose, CA
From: kml@cellar.org (John Galt)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: Request for Lyrics: Lydia
Date: 31 Aug 92 13:10:18 GMT
Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system

erudite@uflorida.cis.ufl.edu writes:

> In article <6Fi1PB7w164w@cellar.org>, kml@cellar.org (John Galt) writes...
> >I'm looking for the lyrics to a Marx Brothers song:
> > 
> >"Lydia oh Lydia, Lydia oh Lydia,
> > Lydia the tattooed lady..."
> > 
> > 
> >Much obliged.
> > 
> 
> Try watching "The Fisher King".  I believe Robin Williams may sing the whole
> song through.  It's a great movie to see anyway.


Cool!  Anybody got a VCR?  If you rent TFK, please keep me in mind for the
Lydia lyrics.

THX!


Note: the message you are about to post will be sent to thousands of machines
and will be read by thousands, if not tens of thousands of people worldwide.
Be sure you know what you are doing.

Never stopped me before.

  kml%cellar@tredysvr.tredydev.unisys.com - My other account is a Mercedes.
From: erudite@uflorida.cis.ufl.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: Request for Lyrics: Lydia
Date: 29 Aug 92 06:32:03 GMT
Reply-To: erudite
Organization: University of Florida  (ufl.edu)
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.3-4

In article <6Fi1PB7w164w@cellar.org>, kml@cellar.org (John Galt) writes...
>I'm looking for the lyrics to a Marx Brothers song:
> 
>"Lydia oh Lydia, Lydia oh Lydia,
> Lydia the tattooed lady..."
> 
> 
>Much obliged.
> 

Try watching "The Fisher King".  I believe Robin Williams may sing the whole
song through.  It's a great movie to see anyway.
From: plunkett@snips.tmc.edu (Marianne Plunkett-Prestwich)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: Quayle Quotes request.
Date: 26 Aug 1992 21:33:38 GMT
Organization: Joint Center for Radiation Therapy - Harvard Medical School
NNTP-Posting-Host: snips.dfci.harvard.edu
From: che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Wanted, Quayle song
Date: 24 Aug 92 13:06:31 +1000
Organization: Computer Centre, Monash University, Australia

Can someone please post the words to "I spent the war in Indiana"?

Cheers
David B.
Xref: sparky rec.humor.d:2246 rec.humor:27497 alt.flame:12461
From: ivy@camelot.bradley.edu (Ivelisse Atiles)
Subject: Re: Good American Joke...From a real American...
Organization: Bradley University
Date: 26 Aug 92 19:10:04 GMT

In <1992Aug26.012658.2026@wkuvx1.bitnet> durhab@wkuvx1.bitnet writes:

>Yup, I'm VERY proud of my American heritage (also French, Irish, and
>English), but you've got to admit that Presidents would make good
>stand up comedians.

Naw. They're boring and would probably put us to sleep. 8)

--
They call me "poison ivy" because I'm a bad thing to have on your hands. 8)
ivy@camelot.bradley.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d,rec.humor,alt.flame
From: hallam@zeus02.desy.de (Phill Hallam-Baker)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Followup-To: alt.censorship
Reply-To: Hallam@zeus02.desy.de
Organization: Deutsches Elektronen Synchrotron, Experiment ZEUS bei HERA
Date: Sat, 29 Aug 1992 21:24:23 GMT

This is getting stupid!

1) There is an abstract right to publish whatever you chose so long as it does
not directly incite someone to injure another person's rights, ie it is
perferctly moral to have a law that bans people from publishing posters saying
"Kill all black people".

2) This right is necessary in a civilised society because if people do not have
the right to publish unpopular material there can be no progress (cf J.S.Mill).

3) Despite this it is still legitimate to complain when someone exercises this
right in a stupid and bigoted fashion. Jokes about cultural sterotypes stopped
being funny after a guy called Adolf Hitler used them as part of a campaign to
make people consider Jews, Gypsies and all other non aryans contemptuous and sub
human, fit only for slave labour or to be gassed.


Personaly I find jokes about racial stereotypes about as funny as stepping in a
heap of dog mess. If a joke puports to be about the Irish or the Polish it
should actualy refer to Irish or Polish cutlure, for example an Irish joke which
hinges on the consumption of Guiness. If a joke is just about a stupid person
the Vice President of the United States causes no offense and probably makes for
a funnier joke.


--

Phill Hallam-Baker
Xref: sparky rec.humor.d:2255 rec.humor:27800 alt.flame:12531
From: srd@ukc.ac.uk (S.R.Davies)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Writing Checklist
Date: 28 Aug 92 09:36:55 GMT
Reply-To: srd@ukc.ac.uk (S.R.Davies)
Organization: Computing Lab, University of Kent at Canterbury, UK.

In article <1992Aug22.033235.13505@sdf.lonestar.org> rlosey@sdf.lonestar.org (Richard Losey) writes:

>>>12. A preposition is something you should never end a sentence with.
>
>That is a rule up with which I will not put.   :-)
>
>(Attributed to Winston Churchill)
>
     There have been several recent attempts to post this quote from
 Churchill, none of which have got it quite right. Try :

     This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

 Regards, Steve.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: Tue,  1 Sep 1992 09:33:39 -0400 
From: Lori Cole <lc1r+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: Christian Joke
	<rdippold.715304827@cancun>

Ron Dippold writes:

"There was a great thread a while back on why Jesus had to be Jewish
(or Italian), and included:
 
1) His mother thought he was God
2) He thought his mother was a virgin
3) He just wanted to be a doctor/lawyer, although he got nailed on his
boards. 
 
Any more?"
-- 

Yes:

4) He lived at home until he was thirty.

    and

5) He went into his father's business.

Lori Cole
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bantolph@carina.unm.edu (Bard's are the Best)
Subject: Another confucious line...
Date: Sun, 30 Aug 92 20:42:29 GMT
Organization: University of New Mexico, Albuquerque

	Confucious Say...

		Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.