X-Delivery-Notice:  SMTP MAIL FROM does not correspond to sender.
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.words-l
Date:         Sat, 12 Sep 1992 14:44:00 EDT
From:         Gilbert Smith <N567126@NCSUADM.ACS.NCSU.EDU>
Subject:      WHTMITL3
Comments: To: English Language Discussion Group <words-l@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>

What Happened To Me In The Library 3
-----------------------------------------------
9)  Unable to look George in the eye, I move toward the door
of the rest room and sense that George has that you-dont-fool-
me-for-a-moment-professor smirk on his young face.  As I emerge
from the men's room, as the door swings shut I hear George
calling after me "Don't forget to return those books, *Mister*
Smith" and then, in a more jocular tone, "Hi Franz.  Doin',
Man?"   Then, the sound of pants unzipping.  Then, silence.
I move rapidly toward the reference room with its rows of
computer terminals that recently, lamentably, replaced the
traditional card catalogues.  I find a terminal that seems to
be working and enter the first search:  Portugal.Ambassadors.
As I search for and find the reference that I need __Embaxeideu
au Suecieu Sigleu Veigente__, I glance up and see, seated at
a terminal several tables away, Franz, staring directly into my
eyes and muching a sandwich.   He mouths the words, without
uttering a sound, "Vant uh sandvich, Professeur?", wiping away a
bit of lettuce from his porcelin smooth lower left cheek with
the tip of his left index finger tipped with a crimson nail.
.
10) Ignoring this indecent proposal, I hastily make a note of
the call number of _Embaxeideu_and move away from the terminal,
hearing the reference librarian inform Franz that no food is
allowed in the library and his terse reply, a quietly but
elegantly enunciated "Vuck yew, laydee...".
.
11)  I find the reference book in the stacks without incident
and take the elevator to the fifth floor to find privacy and
shelter in my faculty study.  It is evident that none of the
five colleagues sharing this study has been here since my last
visit of some three weeks ago, but, on my desk I find a notice:
"Professor Smith, please report to the Library Office to renew
your faculty study.  Failure to respond to this request immediately
will result in denial of library priviledges."  The notice is
dated August 1, 1992, the day after my last visit.  Do I really
*need* this, I ask.  As I go back to the main floor of the
library in search of the Library Office, I hear loud voices near
the main entrance and see several young men, wearing library
employee tags, wrestling with a young woman in a short black
skirt and very high heels, trying to get her through the front
entrance.  Just before they manage to push the young woman
through the door, she catches my eye, points at me from across
the lobby, and screams "He's the vun.... he's the vun..."
Having accomplished their purpose, the young men turn and walk
toward me, laughing.  The young men and I exchange some pleasant
comments about the unusual appearance of this young <woman>, and
then the taller of the young men leans over and whispers in my
ear, "Professor, your zipper is down...."
--------------------------intermission 3--------------------
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU