HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: tnelson@ncrcan.Canada.NCR.CA (Tim Nelson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Canonical List of LISTS (coming soon to a newsgroup near you)
Date: 29 Dec 92 21:24:59 GMT
Organization: NCR Canada Ltd. Mississauga, Ontario

Quite a while ago (on the order of years), I saw a "Canonical List of LISTS"
which was a pointer to different holders of lists of related jokes from
rec.humor*.

Since I have not seen it for quite some time, I thought that I would start
one up again.

What I would like to do is a list with email addresses for those people
who hold Canonical Lists, such as blond jokes, dead baby jokes, the ascii
cow guide, accountant jokes, to do list, ...

The format will be:

List Name         Email Address Of Holder        Posting Frequency
========================================================================
List of LISTS     Tim.Nelson@Canada.NCR.CA       monthly
Dead Baby         Tim.Nelson@Canada.NCR.CA       bi-monthly
Cow Guide         someone out there              irregular
To Do             rec.humor                      random
Purity Test       someone out there              irregular
Xmas              rec.humor                      random

* "someone out there" means a holder does exist, I just don't know
   who it is.
  "irregular" means just that.  The holder is not posting regularly.
  "rec.humor" means that a list exists, but no one is controlling it.
  "random" is just that.  This is usually associated with "rec.humor".



So, I would appreciate it if anyone out there who is a holder of a list
please let me know, so that I can build a list of lists.

The idea will be to have only one person putting together all related jokes
and thus avoid some of the confusion which builds here every year, especially
when school is back in January and September.

Maybe we can also use this list to cut down on the number of people who
continually post messages asking for a list to be sent to them.  Instead
they can just check my list, then watch for the appropriate interval.

A holder of a list should be willing to update the list on a regular basis
with items which are relevant to the list, and are posted, or sent via
email to the holder.  For this reason, you may want to set up a filter
to filter out all items related to your list, and put them into a related
mailbox.

Please let me know who you are, so that I can get this list posted in the
first week of each month.

My first posting will be January 5, 1993, into rec.humor and rec.humor.d.

Thanx

tim
-- 
Tim.Nelson@Canada.NCR.CA
NCR Canada +1 416 819 4112
From: young@spinifex.dg.oz (Philip Young)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: Capitol City Illiteracy
Date: 21 Dec 92 06:49:29 GMT
Organization: Data General Australia

In article <5189@gos.ukc.ac.uk>, mcw@ukc.ac.uk (M.C.Wheadon) writes:
|> 
|> Is it just me, or has rec.humor.funny lost its ``funny'' since the
|> change in moderator?
|> 
|> bUrt

It ain't just you, bUrt.  Sanitized into insipidness.  
-- 
Philip
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: dhoeferlin@desire.wright.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: The Twelve Bugs of Christmas is NOT IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN!!
Date: 27 Dec 92 19:44:28 EST
Distribution: rec
Organization:  Wright State University 

In article <BURLEY.92Dec25143134@apple-gunkies.gnu.ai.mit.edu>, burley@apple-gunkies.gnu.ai.mit.edu (Craig Burley) writes:
> 
> Then why say it?  Why say "I doubt you have any copyright" or whatever?
> Isn't that just advertising that you have knowledge of what copyright

	I don't think so.  Saying you doubt something says that you
	are UNCERTAIN!

> law is about and claiming the person doesn't own a copyright on his/her
> own work?
> 
> 
> I agree, I just don't see why you need to start off such a post with a claim

	I DID NOT START A POST OFF WITH SUCH A THING!  If you will recall
	was the last sentence of my post.  And I used the word 'doubt.'
	Doubt means:  hesitate to believe; be undecided in opinion.
	Thus considering, I do not believe that I made any claim that
 	the author did not have a copyright.

	I do believe that some people like to flame though!!

> that a person doesn't have a copyright ("or registered trademark or anything
> like that") on something they wrote.
> 
> 
> James Craig Burley, Software Craftsperson    burley@gnu.ai.mit.edu
> Member of the League for Programming Freedom (LPF) lpf@uunet.uu.net

David Hoeferlin, dhoeferlin@desire.wright.edu

Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Path: puukko!santra!tut!enea!mcvax!uunet!lll-winken!lll-lcc!ames!necntc!ncoast!allbery
  From: peter@sugar.UUCP (Peter da Silva)
  Newsgroups: comp.sources.misc
  Subject: v03i080: Re: v03i076: Just for fun (something which once appeared on the net)
  Message-ID: <8807130507.AA26710@uunet.UU.NET>
  Date: 13 Jul 88 05:07:49 GMT
  Sender: allbery@ncoast.UUCP
  Reply-To: peter@sugar.UUCP (Peter da Silva)
  Lines: 34
  Approved: allbery@ncoast.UUCP
  
  Posting-number: Volume 3, Issue 80
  Submitted-by: "Peter da Silva" <peter@sugar.UUCP>
  Archive-name: more-xmas
  
  [Introducing the major motion picture:  THE CHRISTMAS THAT WOULDN'T DIE!  Now
  showing at theaters near you!!!  ;-)  ++bsa]
  
  Ratfor (from the book, with the DEC F4P Fortran):
  
  	do(i=1,15) type *, 'Merry Christmas'
  	end
  
  Ratforth (AKA Fifth, a language I hacked up to make Forth less ugly):
  
  	define christmas { 
  		do(15,0) { 
  			type(count("Merry Christmas"));
  			CR;
  		}
  	}
  
  This produces, by the way:
  
  	: christmas 15 0 do " Merry Christmas" count type CR ;
  
  AREXX:
  
  	/* Say Merry Christmas 15 times */
  	do i=1 to 15
  		say 'Merry Christmas'
  		end i
  ==
  
  Bob                                         Seattle, Washington
From: flink@mits.mdata.fi (Flinkman)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Is Light Bulb jokes summary file available?
Date: 27 Dec 92 10:42:18 GMT
Organization: ArrowSoft


	
	I asked in rec.humor for file containing nost of light bulb jokes.
	I got just several request like 'tell to me too'. Nobody know where
	to find it.

	If somebody know, TELL IT NOW! I need those jokes. 

	Or if there isn't any file containing light bulb jokes, it at least
	has demand.

--
<<-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=<<  <<=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-<<
 >>   Ari Flinkman     >>  >>   E-Mail: Flink@Mits.Mdata.Fi      >>
<<    Suomi/Finland   <<  <<            -ArrowSoft->            <<
 >>=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=->>  >>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=>>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: bradj@oakhill.sps.mot.com (Brad R. Johnson)
Subject: Re: The Twelve Bugs of Christmas is NOT IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN!!
Organization: Motorola Inc., Austin Tx.
Distribution: rec
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 00:41:28 GMT

> In article <1992Dec18.225114.6274@desire.wright.edu> dhoeferlin@desire.wright.edu writes:

.........stuff removed...........

> I doubt you have more than a tiny amount of knowledge regarding copyright
> and trademark laws in the USA, or you wouldn't make a statement like that.
> (The "registered trademark" bit really gives it away.)
> 
..........stuff removed............
> 
> There might well be some useful information on the net, but as is obvious
> from your post, you can't trust that people who make apparent claim to
> knowledge on a subject actually possess any.  That's true for books and

..........stuff removed...........
 
> James Craig Burley, Software Craftsperson    burley@gnu.ai.mit.edu
> Member of the League for Programming Freedom (LPF) lpf@uunet.uu.net

	I am sure David will admit that he doesn't know much about
copyright and trademark laws in the USA, but then he never claimed to be
knowledgeable on those subjects either.  The comment that seemed to get
under your skin had nothing to do with the point he was trying to make.  
	Isn't it neat how you can see something that David said that was 
incorrect and flaunt your own knowledge while making irrevelant personal 
attacks.
	Hey, he never claimed to have any knowledge on the subject of 
copyrights and trademarks.  So your conclusion from above, that you claim
is obvious from his post, is without evidence.  It would have been different
had he actually claimed to be knowledgeable on the subject, like you assert.
	As for David's original post, he was attempting to make a simple
point.  When you post something to the net, it may get copied without credit
where credit is due.  I'm sure you'd agree that this happens all the time, to 
hundreds of people who post their original work to the net.  I have no
interest in a argument/flame-war about copyright/trademark laws.

|=========================|
| Brad Johnson            |
| Motorola                |
| Electrical Engineering  |
| bradj@daffy.sps.mot.com |
|=========================|
From: funnyr@clarinet.com (Funny Guy)
Subject: Re: The Twelve Bugs of Christmas is NOT IN THE PUBLIC DOMAIN!!
Class: misc
Organization: ClariNet Communications Corp.
Distribution: rec
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 09:45:47 GMT

burley@apple-gunkies.gnu.ai.mit.edu (Craig Burley) writes:
 >While it is true that posting something you truly want to protect as
 >copyrightable to rec.humor.funny or anywhere else is likely to be seen
 >as an _invitation_ by others to copy your work without credit, thus creating

Only an invitation by those who don't know what copyright is.  The whole
*point* of copyright is to protect your rights in something *after* you
publish it widely.   The argument, "you cast it to the winds of the net,
don't expect to retain rights" is silly.  The whole point of copyright
is to let you publish your work as widely as possible and still retain
the rights.  Anyway, that's an old debate.

RHF is compilation copyrighted, and a reminder of it is posted each month.
Items within marked original are the property of their authors, and all
people should contact them before reproducing them.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: franklin@ug.cs.dal.ca (Steve Franklin)
Subject: Re: Credit Validation
Organization: Math, Stats & CS, Dalhousie University, Halifax, NS, Canada
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1992 18:08:56 GMT

In article <NAEEM.92Dec29104546@occs.cs.oberlin.edu> naeem@occs.cs.oberlin.edu (Naeem Mohaiemen) writes:

>In article <1453700022@igc.apc.org> Skip Vogt <skip@igc.apc.org> writes:

<>   This reminds me of a story told by a colleague of mine who was on an
<>   airplane one day seated next to someone whose native language was not
<>   American English.
<>-----
>Although true stories, passing around anecdotes like this "for a laugh"
>further enhance stereotyping of "foreigner"s as speaking "funny english".
>
>Naeem Mohaiemen

   Well Naeem, I think it has to be pointed out that a lot of foreigners do
speak "funny english". I speak funny french. Should I be offended if someone
points out that my accent is about as appealling as nails on a chalk board?
No, of course not. 
   By the way, since I'm a bit of a grammar-good-will ambassador, I should
point out that your sentence lacked grammatical clarity, and might be
considered "funny english" by some. 
   What's my point? Simple... Be proud of your roots, and never become
insecure or offended by what you see as an obvious stereotype. If one cannot
laugh at themselves, they will most surely be laughed at by others.
(Hey, I think this quote may be original, but I can't be sure. I like it!)

   Steve (who is expecting to be semantically, grammatically, and
          phonetically flamed beyond belief for this.)

Oh yes,

ObChuckle: Boxing day sales. The humor in said events should not need to be
        explained. Not more than 3 days after Xmas, people are out buying
        the presents for themselves that everyone else was too stupid to
        buy them. The boxing day sales aren't necessarily funny, but the 
        individuals who partake in them are. They don't realize that those
        ugly pants are on sale at 90% because no one would be caught dead 
        in them. They only think about how much money they save. I personally
        think that fashion takes a nose dive during boxing day sales. Many
        a fine dresser has been destroyed by those little red-sale tags. 

ObDisclaimer: The author of this article is not to be held responsible for
              any funny english found within. 
-- 
aasdSteveFranklin-Subliminal Psychology Major.ks;dlasBlueJaysRULEkasdfeahsdbfl
sd;lfaswoq[eBuyMeAQuadra!!!mbnZMXCNdfsba;KdSPAMiuroqiyetIBMSuxiweuryth'ewr;mxn
qpuepriuPartyOneqtuj;,n.,xnc,kjasFlameMeNot!;lkj;lkgkjd;askElvisLivesjhfquweru
zx.cfranklin@ug.cs.dal.ca,sk;t;lrut[Superboy@ac.dal.cav.zx,Physics!eq3rwkh;oHA
From: ericfitz@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (----===>FitZ<===----)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Help me, please!
Date: 22 Dec 92 19:58:20 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

In article <1992Dec22.001815.41121@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> pts2@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (PAUL THOMAS STROBL) writes:
>I don't know exactly how it started*  Maybe it's
>just my computer's change in activities, but I
>have irregular periods*  Somebody please help me*
>Does anyone have any advice?
>
>Thank you*


I don't know. Maybe try birth control pills, they lead to regularity I hear. 
Or maybe just wearing pantyliners?! Glad to help.

;-)

				----------=====>FitZ<=====----------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: Robyn_Clark@mindlink.bc.ca (Robyn Clark)
Subject: Re: I am stumped, please help!
Organization: MIND LINK! - British Columbia, Canada
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1993 00:54:16 GMT

Thats cuz Webster is a bloody Yank...  All questions on English one should
turn to the source... The Oxford English Dictionery (grin)...!

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jd@dickens.com (Joseph A Dudar)
Subject: Credit Validation
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 15:30:42 GMT
Organization: Dickens Data Systems, Inc.

In a package store over the holidays, one run by an Indian gentleman, there
was some difficulty validating a credit card purchase over the phone lines.
He tried several times with the card wipe.
	"It seems they are extremely busy.", he tried again.  "I am terribly
sorry for the delay, sir.  I am having trouble getting the information off
the service."  He made one more attempt, to no avail.  He looked up at me
and smiled, "I see that I will have to be getting it off manually."
-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joseph A. Dudar  |  Help?  He doesn't need help, he needs hindrances:  if he
jd@dickens.com   |  has to climb over enough of them, he might inadvertently
Atlanta, GA      |  fall on top of her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And of course, my opinions may not coincide with those of my employer.  TBTG
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joemays@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Joseph F. Mays)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Credit Validation
Date: 29 Dec 92 16:40:48 GMT
Organization: Dept. of CS Ball State University Muncie IN

In article <1453700022@igc.apc.org> skip@igc.apc.org (Skip Vogt) writes:

>This reminds me of a story told by a colleague of mine who was on an
>airplane one day seated next to someone whose native language was not
>American English.
[...]
>"Lady! Lady!  I have been fingering you for 10 minutes and you
>haven't come yet!"

When I was in college my senior year, I lived with a Taiwanese student
who was getting his doctorate in classical guitar.  His Taiwanese fiance
came to live with us during the last half of the year, and her English
was only at the minimal level that the Taiwanese government requires
in order for Taiwanese students to travel abroad.

She was extremely excited about everything Western, from food to clothes
to music, and would jump up and down over the slightest things.  I had
told her that I was going to bring home submarine sandwiches for dinner
one evening, and as usual she was thrilled by this.  I came home with a
friend and the sandwiches.  My friend was plainly at a loss for words
when we entered the apartment and an attractive oriental women grabbed
me by the arm and said excitedly, "Joe!  Take out your submarine so
I can see how big it is!  I can't wait to have it in me!"

Joe
From: cwa@oasis.icl.co.uk (Chris Adams)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: What TV teaches us...
Date: 23 Dec 92 13:26:34 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL3

Here's a few more...

All firearms used on the A team are loaded with blanks (even the bad guys)

All explosives on the A team mearly throw people into the air, who then land
totally unharmed apart from being a bit dazed and dusty.

     .-----------------------------.----------------------------------.
     |   .  .     ____    _   _    | WARNING: This Superman suit does |
     |  /| /| .-.    /   |_| |_>   | not enable the wearer to fly.    |
     | / |/ | |     /___ | | |     `----------------------------------|
     |      aka Chris Adams            cwa@getafix.oasis.icl.co.uk    |
     `----------------------------------------------------------------'
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: sml@mfltd.co.uk (Shaun Lowry)
Subject: Re: DOES ANYONE REMEMBER?
Organization: Micro Focus Ltd., Newbury, UK
Distribution: mf
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 11:03:52 GMT


In article <1992Dec22.131719.10394@wybbs.mi.org>, mwb@wybbs.mi.org (Michael W. Burden) writes:
> In <25148.1065.uupcb@satalink.com> vince.maiocco@satalink.com (Vince Maiocco) writes:
> 
> [...]
 
> Q: Why is a duck?
> A: Because one of its legs is shorter.

In a similar vein..

There were 2 aubergines walking down  the street, and one says to the other
"Where do you live?", and the other says
"I'm not telling you, you might nick my washing!"

    Shaun.

"Milky milky"
-- 
/s(Shaun Lowry)def/g{.7 setgray}def/c{10 0 -1 arc fill}def 300 600 100 0 360 arc
stroke 300 600 50 180 0 arc stroke g 300 600 c stroke 1 2 scale 270 325 c stroke
330 325 c stroke grestore 125 450 moveto/Helvetica findfont 60 scalefont setfont
gsave 0.03 .09 rmoveto g [ 1 0 2 -1 0 0 ] concat s show grestore s show showpage
From: phil_y@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Phil Yastrow)
Date: Sat, 26 Dec 1992 02:23:37 GMT
Subject: Masturbation for English Majors
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA
Newsgroups: rec.humor

After consulting Strunk & White on proper masturbation phraseology, we
still have a serious linguistic usage question on our hands, so to
speak.  The question at hand, which has plagued us for all these days
(and nights) is ...  "What is the proper preposition?"

Suppose you've just returned home from an X-rated video store, or maybe
a magazine equipped gas station far enough from home so you're sure one
of your Mom's friends won't end up in line behind you, do you spank

		a>	to
		b>	at
		c>	with     	(you wish)
		d>	in front of

the aforementioned two-dimensional sexual devices?

For example,

"Our whole dorm floor beat off to Miss May so many times the issue
disintegrated".

"When I slammed the ham at Miss June she smiled."

"When I flew the copter with Kathy Ireland, we almost crashed because it
got so intense".

"When I waxed the candle in front of the Decmeber issue of "Juggs", it
almost caught on fire".
From: mlsmith@reed.edu (Marty L. Smith)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: baby jokes if u please.
Date: 22 Dec 92 10:45:07 GMT
Article-I.D.: reed.1992Dec22.104507.19017
Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon

In article <queue.724656153@du139-201.cc.iastate.edu> queue@iastate.edu (Rob Ludwick) writes:
>In <Bz7t5E.DK8@unix.amherst.edu> emstewar@unix.amherst.edu (EMILY MAUREEN STEWART) writes:
>
>>What's red and squirms in the corner?
>>A baby playing with a razor blade.
>
>>How do you make a dead baby float?
>>One scoop of ice cream and one scoop of dead baby.
>
>What's more disgusting than a dead baby?
>A garbage can of dead babies.
>
>What's more disgusting than that?
>One eating it's way to the top.
>
I can't believe I've allowed myself to be sucked into this.  Okay. What's the
diference between a truckload of gravel and a truckload of dead babies?

Ever try to pick up gravel with a pitchfork?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: Roger.Wilfong@umich.edu  (Roger Wilfong)
Subject: Goofy? (was Re: Opus)
Organization: UofM Hospitals
X-Newsreader: FTPNuz (DOS) v1.0
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 17:08:00 GMT

In Article <1992Dec23.152843.28172@burrhus.harvard.edu> "glazier@isr.harvard.edu (Andrew Baker Glazier)" says:
> In article <1992Dec22.204811.13490@porthos.cc.bellcore.com> sykes@donner.cc.bellcore.com (sykes,michael) writes:
> >
> >I thought that this was a newsgroup for jokes and humorous stories
> >and not someone's art work.
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Yes, but this isn't "artwork," noone sat down
> and typed out Opus's picture, it was made with a scanner. And more importantly,  there isn't a group (that I'm aware
> of) for ascii pictures. What's wrong with posting them here? Just put "ASCII"
> in the subject
> 
 
Goofy!  I need an ASCII picture of Goofy.  While Opus is goofy, he isn't
the Goofy.
 
If some one has an ASCII picture of Disney's Goofy, could you post it or 
E-mail it?
 
Thanks.
 
- Roger
From: avik@icase.edu (Avik Banerjee)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: TV axioms
Date: 29 Dec 1992 19:52:33 GMT
Organization: ICASE/NASA Langley
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: dolphin.icase.edu

could someone post or email me the entire list? thanks!


foomshanka

avik@icase.icase.edu
From: kbeal@amber (Ken Beal)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Slick Willie a.k.a. Wet Willie
Date: 24 Dec 92 17:37:08 GMT
Organization: Harris CSD, Ft. Lauderdale, FL
NNTP-Posting-Host: amber.ssd.csd.harris.com
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]

Mike J. () wrote:
: When Gov. Clinton was asked if he had ever experimented with drugs, his
: reply was.......
: 
: I've smoked marijuana but I didn't inhale it.

Yeah, and I've tried beer, but I didn't swallow.

Or, I've tried acid, but I didn't suck.

I tried coke, but I blew my nose.

Oh hell, I'm getting sick of this.  (And it's probably an old thread anyway.)
--
Kenneth L. Beal, Jr.  kbeal@amber.ssd.csd.harris.com | Use OS/2 2.0! :-) often.
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!" - MST3k  | Learn.  Keep moving.
"Street person my responsibility." - Indigo Girls    | Better yourself.
The opinions expressed above are shared.  The preceding sentence is false.
*** News at Harris expires daily.  If you want me to see it, please E-MAIL! ***
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: akp@cns.nyu.edu (Prashanth Kumar A.K.,Rm 1010)
Subject: Re: interesting christian-surname combina
Reply-To: akp@cns.nyu.edu
Organization: New York University
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 11:34:23 GMT

In article 12600@gandalf.ca, sweet@gandalf.ca (Michael Sweet) writes:
> 
> Somewhere in the USA is a woman, originally from Iowa, who is (or was)
> named Fonda Dicks.
> 
> I saw her name in the Des Moines Register in a listing of Weekly Top
> Scorers in girls basketball (high school).  My immediate thought was "where wereher parents' heads when they named her!"
> 
> I later saw her name at the University of Northern Iowa.  This was in the 
> early '70s.
> 
> No idea what became of the woman or if she ever changed her name.
> 
> 
> btw... my aunt and uncle's wedding was like a salad dressing - Sweet and
> Savory (Dorothy Sweet and Sam Savory).  And yes, that makes him my Uncle Sam.
> 
> -- 
> Michael Sweet						sweet@hobbit.gandalf.ca
> Support Programs Coordinator     			phone (613)723-6500
> Gandalf Data Ltd.					fax   (613)226-1717


Isn't it sweet of Micheal to amuse us thus?

I used to know of a gent who had testicular cancer and had to have one of his,er,
manhoods removed.His name - wun hung Lo (NOT kidding!!!!!)

unfortunately(or fortunately,for those who laugh!)the other name that interested me
was along the same theme.A chappie who was labelled by his parent as Lowes Dick...
we all said his wife gonna do just dat,if he was lucky.

No offence meant to either Michael,Mr. Lo or Lowes,if any of you people happen to read this.