From: ceci@lysator.liu.se (Cecilia Henningsson)
Newsgroups: alt.pagan
Subject: Re: What the hell to do for Solstice
Date: 12 Dec 92 17:30:46 GMT
Organization: Lysator Academic Computer Society, Linkoping University, Sweden

George Paap <george_paap@email.sps.mot.com> writes:
>>My family is in no way religious, but Witchcraft still carries crappy
>>connotations.  They also live in a very conservative and unenlightened
...
>My experience:  Yea, I've had to deal with this.  I've
>decided NOT to tell my parents (both sets) because
>there first reaction would be strongly against it and
>I would rather not have all that negativity directed at
>me.  The bad part is that I feel much more distant from
>them, since I cannot share a significant aspect of my life.
>Also it is annoying to have to deal with my moms "guilt 
>trips" and value judgments which conflict with my own.
>However, they're still great people and I love them a lot,
>perhaps one day I'll tell them, but not now.

Do you really have to pretend to share her value set?  I've always
been very ambivalent about hypocrisy. Basically I accept if people
tell me white lies some times, but I have severe difficulties doing it
myself, at least about opinions. I just can't make myself nod
agreeingly at something I don't agree with. Opinions are serious to
me. They may change over time, though, I just can't lie about them.
Maybe giving her your opinion, without the philosophical and religious
"hintergrund", when she has guilt trips, could be a start to opening
up?

[about how George told his brother gradually]

I think that the key to telling somebunall people is time. Most people
do think when you're not watching them. :) So if you start by just
giving your opinion in a specific matter, half a year later you
introduce some ecological reasoning, a year later you give them a
beautiful picture book from arthurian England, 18 months later you
could discuss dualism with them etc. This approach is rather
elaborate, and really you shouldn't have to spend this much effort on
introducing your values to your parents, but then again if you and I
aren't perfect, why should our parents be so?

>Others, will simply oppose your ideas for the sake of opposition.
>I know my parents would probably be not be able to "deal"
>with my change in beliefs (they're not really that religious,
>in an absolute sense, but they would certainly be concerned
>about my ticked to heaven).  Anyway, I found my experience of
>opening up slowly to my brother, giving him only as much info 
>as he could "deal" with worked well.  It also feels good that
>someone in my family knows, I feel closer to him now.

They aren't religious, but they would be worried about your ticket to
heaven? Really, George! Maybe you should tell them that Pagans don't
go to heaven, but get born again, or maybe your flavour of Pagan does
go to heaven? ;)

My greatest trouble with my mother (my father is long dead), is that
she thinks I should lie about my opinions, just to make other people
believe that I am "normal". Well, as normal as a 26 year old with a
younger man and no children and being an artist and having half a
university degree in CS and plays roleplaying games can get.  We'll
see how she reacts when we talk about religion when I go to her for
the holidays. At least I know that I won't deny my opinions, neither
do I deny other people their right to have an opinion of their own. I
hope.

--Ceci
--
=====ceci@lysator.liu.se===========================================
"'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds."
			Malaclypse the Younger
===================================================================