HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 15:00:50 -0500 
From: "Stephen M. Lacy" <sl31+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: Advice needed on 'I don't know'

Excerpts from netnews.alt.romance: 15-Dec-92 Advice needed on 'I don't
k.. by news%ptt-iat@nluug.nl 
>  
> The question:
> - 'What does that "I'm confused" really means ?'

Love does have a meaning, yet we cannot figure it out.  The line "I'm
confused" means "you've made me see a side of love that I don't think
that I've ever seen before.  I'm trying to figure out what love really
is, and if what we're experiencing really is love"   It also means this:
You've come to the point in your relationship where you're such good
friends that your current definition of love no longer fits the
situation that you're currently in.  Its time for a change of the
definition.  You need to find out what love means to you, and why you
think your definition is the right one.  You need to try and explain
what love in your eyes is to the person that you are interested in, in a
completely non-conscious way.  What you have to do is act in a way that
will say "this is love"  Whatever those actions may be.  You can't just
sit down and tell her what love is, you have to make her see your side,
and come to your realization of love on her own.  Also, never believe
the phrase "we're too good of friends to be lovers"  That again, nees a
change in the definiton of love.  It will be harder than loving a
stranger, but the resulting relationship will go beyond the bounds of
anything you've ever had before.   Be happy with what you've got.  This
world is rushed.  I've heard people tell me that if they were going out
with someone and didn't get a kiss after, let say, a week and a half,
that they would stop going out with the person.   Thats stupid.  Love is
something that is never-ending, yet getting it to surface is much harder
than you think.  Wait for your love for each other to show itself in its
own way.  

Steve


"No matter what happens, never believe that you have learned something
you were not supposed to know." -Steve Lacy

Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,alt.romance.chat
From: margoli@watson.ibm.com (Larry Margolis)
Subject: Re: More, Do Not try this at home .....
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 03:34:01 GMT
News-Software: IBM OS/2 PM RN (NR/2) v0.16e by O. Vishnepolsky and R. Rogers
Reply-To: margoli@watson.IBM.com
Disclaimer: This posting represents the poster's views, not necessarily those of IBM
Organization: The Village Waterbed

In <15884@auspex-gw.auspex.com> johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:
>In article <1992Dec14.173735.8755@b8.b8.ingr.com> larry@b8.b8.ingr.com (Larry Billings) writes:
>>In article <Bz3nLt.95G@mentor.cc.purdue.edu>, epperson@pop.stat.purdue.edu (Mary) writes:
>|>
>|> And it was soooo much fun watching these two do ManlyMenStuff...that's
>|> what those muscles are for guys... *grin*
>|
>|Damn!  I thought they were for sweeping women off their feet.  :)
>
>and you if you can do it with "that" muscle you're going to be really
>popular.

Just wiskful thinking.  :-)
--
Larry Margolis, MARGOLI@YKTVMV (Bitnet), margoli@watson.IBM.com (Internet)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@nuge115.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Save Me!
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 15:52:32 GMT

johnwu@netcom.com (John M. Wu) writes:

>In article <0096505A.E137AF00@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>>We all know women who have rescue fantasies (Prince Charming'll come along and
>>take me away from all this, etc.), but do men ever have "rescuer" fantasies?

>I did while I was in junior high.  But I got bored with that theme.  Too
>unrealistic...   I don't think I'm perfect enough to be Prince Charming. :-)

  Here here!  If Perfection is one end of the scale, and Scumminess is the
other, I feel I'm a closer to the latter than the former.  But, as long as I
have a realistic view of myself, it'll be Ok.

>>Do men ever want to "sweep a girl off her feet"?  

>If I'm really in love, of course.  But I almost always refrain from doing that
>since "sweeping a girl off her feet" may scare her away.

  Boy is that an understatement!  It's so easy to scare people away.  I think
you have to really have faith in the othe person's romantic interest before
you can even think of 'sweeping her off her feet.'  If you're not sure, then
I don't think it's wise to do it.

>>(Unrelated)  Doesn't anyone believe in love at first sight anymore?  This is
>>supposed to be the *romance* group, and I was wondering.  Is there no passion
>>left in the world anymore?

  I believe that it is possible, but I think that it's very unlikely.

>What's wrong with love after many sights?  Is there less passion with this kind
>of love?  I think not.  

   As for this, I feel that there isn't less passion with this kind of love,
but it does tend to move slower, I guess.

>>All this talk about companionship seems kind of dull.  I'll take a rapid
>>heartbeat any day!
>>
>>Okay, so I'm bored....

>So am I.  I should be studying for my English Lit and Computer Science final.
>Oh well.

 Who around here ISN'T bored?  I have only one final---on Dec. 22.  :&P

-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right
to say it."  - Voltaire.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
From: s206001@emu.insted.unimelb.edu.au
Date: 16 Dec 92 17:14:17 GMT

In article <102020@netnews.upenn.edu>, pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo) writes:
> In article <stone.724361679@cwis> stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone) writes:
>>Ladies of A.R. :
>>I have heard---time and again---that one of the big things a
>>woman looks for in a guy is "a sense of humor".  Well, pardon
>>me for saying this, but that's a wee bit vague.  Just what do
>>women *mean* when they say they like a guy with a sense of humor?
>>I have heard variants of this answer, things like "I like a guy
>>who can make me laugh."  There *must* be a hell of alot more to
>>it than this, ladies---as many gals as I've gotten giggling, I
>>should be dripping with women.  Now, be honest---grins 'n giggles
>>*aren't* the only things you look for in a man, so tell me:
>>What else are you looking for?  
>>---- T.R. Stone
>>     Average-Looking, Kinda Funny, Completely Perplexed By Women

> Well, regarding the humor thing:  I want a guy I can laugh WITH.
> i.e., we find the same things funny, and are comfortable losing all
> controll and laughing together until we can't stand up.  I don't
> really want a guy to "make me laugh."  If I wanted to be entertained,
I couldn't agree more it is finding something to laugh with in common that is
the fun part of it and I've always found laughter to be a good way of relaxing. 
If you can't laugh with somebody I don't think that you can then share the
other harder and sadder emothions.

> to snow.)  Looks aren't terribly important, but it helps if his kisses
> can make me melt. 
Yes the melting part is definitely *the* important aspect of it, the cherie on
the top so to speak :).  I ditto the other statements as well.  It is one thing
for a guy to try to change but he has to want to be that way and no amount of
pretence will cover the real person for long and *that* can only lead to a
great deal of hurt for both.  Great to hear you've found your "2 year old in
the snow" Amy. 
Hope it helps Travis..we all like to laugh it produces one of the most positive
feelings and releases a lot of tension which is why we feel so great and I
suppose why it can be said that we feel a certain attraction to anyone that can
bring that about.  But other things have to fall into place as well.
Irene
From: pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: LDR's
Date: 19 Dec 92 01:13:36 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

In article <1gtkcbINNa4o@agate.berkeley.edu> bsamman@ocf.berkeley.edu (Ben Samman) writes:
>
>For those of you in LDR's who are seeing your SO's this winter break, 
>congrats!  For some of us, Winter Break is the only time save summer when
>we can be un-stressed and happy with our SO's and for me, she's not here.
>She's gone home for the break-The prices we pay for seeing each other on
>a regualar basis here.
>
>Are there any of you out there that feel like this?  
>
>Ben.
>bsamman@ocf.berkeley.edu
>Too lazy to be .sigged


Well, Ben, I've had it both ways, and in my opinion, it's better to
see each other all the time and have to be apart on vacations.  Sure,
vacations and holidays together are great, but it's when you're
together for the day-to-day stuff that you really get to know and
appreciate each other.  If you only see each other on holidays, you
tend to be on your best behavior, and may miss out on some of the
"realness" of the relationship by not wanting to ruin the short time
you have together.  

I'm speaking from having had the first type of relationship for three
years:  together except for holidays; then switching to the other
when he graduated.  Ugh!  The two of us have decided that the best
kind of arrangement to have is when you can be together for *both* the
day-to-day *and* the holidays!  (But we'll have to wait until I
graduate in May to have that.  Ugh.)

Happy Holidays to all you LDR's out there!   I won't say I'll be
thinking about you, 'cause I'll be too happy to see him again to spare
you all a thought.

ajp
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@vccsouth23.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 23:12:24 GMT

rcbi110@marshall.wvnet.edu writes:

>Is it just me, or do a lot of guys think that "aw, no girl would want to
>bother with my problems."

  That's because it's quite true, at least for _girls_.  Girls want to have
fun, and anything that reduces that fun for one instand MUST be removed---that
includes your romantic involvement if need be.  Women, however, are more
realistic---most women realize that life is some fun, some misery--and you
can't LJBF or dump someone whenever they have some misery.

>I've heard this all my life, and still I'm not sure if I get it.  I've never
>been able to see anything extrodinary in anybody's eyes?  At least, I don't
>think so... Please elaborate.

  I think it's because the eyes are very expressive.  And they're also probably
the most beautiful part of the body.  If you don't believe me, consider these
descriptions:

  A soft green tint with white sprinkled within the green, and thin rays of
pure white faintly streaking across the green.  Then, we have a black dot in
the center, and a white radiance circling the edges.

 (Green's my favorite color for eyeballs :&) )

  Or...

 A rich blue tint, with some faintly visible white rays reaching out for the
radiance on the edge, almost like climbing the steps of heaven.  And, we still
have a cool black dot in the center.

 (That's my eye color)

 Or, finally...

 A dark, autumm brown, thick and pure.  With a soft black dot in the middle,
completing the mysterious darkness that seems to conceal something wonderful.

 See what I mean? (Pun intended)



-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
Cynicism is only realism projected into the future.
If your fondest wish is to fly, don't draw up plans for flippers.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: eagle@garfield.catt.ncsu.edu (Daniel L'Hommedieu)
Subject: Re: Need romantic way to propose
Organization: North Carolina State University
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 23:40:58 GMT

Well, what I always thought would be cool would be to go up to the
mountains sometime in the spring (hey, I live in North Carolina; the
Appalachians are beautiful!) and going horseback riding.  Have a picnic
lunch somewhere up there, and ask her then.

Another idea: drop a ring in the bottom of her champagne glass.

But don't copy! ;)

Daniel
--
Daniel L'Hommedieu / Junior, CSC Depatment, NCSU / eagle@catt.ncsu.edu
From: Rec.humor.funny:				   "Ich bin ein Adler"
      My unique solution to two of the world's problems:
      "Feed the Homeless to the Hungry"
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: deb@spectra.eng.hawaii.edu (David Barrett)
Subject: Re: "We could still be friends"
Organization: University of Hawaii, Dept. of Electrical Engineering
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 04:32:23 GMT

In article <oneil.724138906@cwis> oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu (Sharon O'Neil) writes:
>csg068@cch.coventry.ac.uk (** DECKER **) writes:
>
>>What do you do when someone says "I really like you, but it'll never be
>>anything more"?
>
>
>But more times than not, when a person says this, he or she really means
>it and doesn't change his or her mind.
>
>sharon 
>oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu
>

The hard part of hearing such a statement is that it gives a double message thatis a contradiction and usually the first part is dishonest if the unrealistic
second part is meant.  To keep from being optimistic about "they didn't really
mean it", probably better to write it off rather than wait for the possibly
confused person to make up their minds.  The likelyhood of changing their minds
again in the future is suggested by default.


dB
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: macl6441@mach1.wlu.ca (macleod heather)
Subject: Re: forgiveness
Organization: Wilfrid Laurier University
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 16:15:18 GMT

In article <adwright.724353386@vincent1.iastate.edu> adwright@iastate.edu () writes:
>In <00964F9F.13855D20@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>
>>In article <7915@tekig7.PEN.TEK.COM>, doughe@tekig6.PEN.TEK.COM (Douglas E Helbling) writes:
>>>In article <aland.723998763@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu> aland@cs.brandeis.edu writes:
>>>>adwright@iastate.edu () writes:
>>>>
>>>	have a right to expect fidelity.  Infidelity, no matter
>>>	how blatant or discreet, is a form of emotional abuse, and
>
>>Does anyone else think this sounds a little harsh?  We, as humans, are
>>fallible, we make mistakes... I don't think "abuse" really applies, unless this
>>is some sort of pattern in the relationship.
>
>Infidelity is not abuse? Has it ever happened to you? Were you ever cheated
>on by someone who was everything to you? Depression, mood swings, weight 
>loss, lonliness, inability to concentrate at work. Anybody out there
>that can relate to that? No, my friend, infidelity can destroy, it can
>be one of the worst forms of abuse. I would rather have both arms broken,
>the healing process would be far quicker.
>
You are so right!  I cried for months after finding out I'd been cheated on
by my boyfriend.  I've had several major surgeries, and they caused me less
pain.
From: kre@po.CWRU.edu (Keith R.W. Elflein)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: what is love? (my $0.02)
Followup-To: alt.romance
Date: 14 Dec 1992 04:26:56 GMT
Organization: International Horn Society
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: b61693.student.cwru.edu

In article <lyra.724275329@camelot>, lyra@camelot.bradley.edu (Heather
Loresch) wrote:
> 
> 
> 
> well, i recently started reading this group, and i'm very impressed
> with all of the people here. the advice many of you have been handing
> out has been very good IMO. now i just thought i'd get up on my
> soapbox and clue you all in as to some of my thoughts.
> 
> maybe i just define words differently, but i don't see love as an
> emotion. "in love" is, but love is something you have in your heart,
> to share with the people that matter to you, regardless of what they
> do or what they give in return. as a radio dj in my area said, love
> never dies, but sometimes the loving ends. also, i don't see the "one
> right person" bit. there are so many people in this world with so many
> personalities, i find it impossible to believe that there is only one
> person that is right for me. 
> IMO love is something you have to share with as many people as you
> can. i'm not talking commitment love. i believe in sharing a special
> commitment with one person, someone to spend my life with. but love
> comes in so many different forms, you can't direct ALL of your love at
> just one person. you deny yourself so much that way. i dunno.
> sometimes i scare my friends because i tell them i love them. at this
> point in time, most of my closest friends are men and they think i
> mean something else. i just try to tell them that they are important
> to me. 
> 
> well, that's my life's philosophy! i'd love to hear how some of you
> react to it. do you agree, disaggree, see a point that you think isn't
> quite right? let me know! i'm interested in hearing responses!
> 
> lyra@camelot.bradley.edu

Here's a thought for you: In germany, especially in Bayern, where i am
from, one never says the word LOVE. (well hardly ever). The philosophy
behind this is that the word carries far too much meaning to be used. I am
aware that you may find this a little excessive in nature, but perhaps you
could just see the principle of the thing. Love is a word to be respected
and used ONLY when meant. I don't know, maybe you don't understand, but
perhaps you try.
Keith

"When tears of joy are flowing, Love laughs sweetly at the beloved! To kiss
them from her cheeks is Love's most beautiful, greatest payment."
From: Gleeep@cup.portal.com (Dave - Silon)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Fa La La
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 23:39:07 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
Distribution: world

>What's the sappiest, gooiest, most out-and-out romantic Xmas gift you've
>ever gotten?

Genuine maple syrup in a can from Vermont.  I was probably twelve - my
brother and sister got one too.  I thought it was very romantic of our
mother to remind us of our miraculous trip to Vermont 6 years earlier.

All three of us laughed our mother out of the tent when she screamed as
the squirrels tickled her because her back was against the tent wall.  I
ate 3 packages of Green Giant spinach and threw up - that was not very
romantic.  There was a stream near where we stayed and my father showed
me what fresh water mussels were and I can still see myself beaming up
at him as he held the big rainbow trout over his head.  It was so shiny.
This was also the same trip that I saw an entire phone booth filled with
flies at a ski resort that was closed for the summer and bought a stuffed
green frog for $4.00.  I was sure it was a bargain.

I still have the frog - one of our various dogs, Buffalo, chewed the
eyes off - I nearly made dog soufflee that day.  Nothing ever ends up
the way that you expect, or to be blunt:  "some day you will travel
all the way from Vermont just to get your eyes chewed off by a dog."

Please don't think me cynical - it's just the holidays.

Gleeep
From: v064myby@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Christophr J Quaranta)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: MUTE
Date: 16 Dec 92 17:43:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41


	I need some help.  I'm a 25 year old guy and I just met this girl who
I like a lot.  Anyways, I've never been able to keep a relationship going
for any length of time.  I still get tongue tied when I try to talk to her 
on the phone & it's driving me nuts!!  
	I've been told I'm a pretty funny guy but I usually have to have 3 or 4
drinks just to get to the point where I can socialize with anyone.
If anyone has some advice to help me out of this situation please let me know!!
I don't want to lose this one & I hate feeling like an awkward teenager when 
I'm on a date.
					
						Latre,
						'Q'
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@nuge101.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
Keywords: Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!  Woo-woo-woo-woo!  Hey Moe! Hey Larry!
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 17:38:29 GMT

marcia@netcom.com (Marcia) writes:

>A certified personality. Preferably not obnoxious ;-). Compatibility. A
>somewhat large nose. Glasses. Take my work seriously. Takes his work seriously.
 Certified personality?  What are you talking about?  Certifiably insane?

 THAT'S ME!! :&) :&)


-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right
to say it."  - Voltaire.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: mcherm@msc.cornell.edu (Michael Chermside)
Subject: Re: Romantic Relationships and Friendships
Summary: More "how we met" annecdotes
Organization: Cornell-Materials-Science-Center
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 08:53:58 GMT


In article <1992Dec12.192722.16084@CSD-NewsHost.Stanford.EDU> kchin@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Ken H Chin) writes:




>I have always believed that ideally two people should become 
>friends first, and let romantic interests develop only after 
>the friendship is on solid ground.  Unfortunately, my practice has 
>not followed theory, and the end results have not been pretty.

Sounds good to me too... at least in theory.  I'd like to see a
compilation of your results when you're through, though.

>Would it sound too much like an engineer to put forward
>the following question to those who are currently involved romantic
>relationships.

No, fine with me.  I haven't been involved in too many relationships,
but I'll share from that limited experience.  Case 1 was a 1.5 year
relationship that I eventually broke off, feeling it wasn't quite
"right".  Case 2 is 3 years and still going! :-) 

>When you met your SO: 
>1. Were you seeking only friendship and were surprised by the 
>   subsequent development of romantic interests?

Case 1: when I MET her, I was actually romantically interested in her
best friend. 

Case 2: when I MET her, I was interested in her romantically, but
would have been perfectly happy with friendship.

>2. Were you seeking friendship knowing that there was the possibility
>   of mutual interest in a romantic relationship?

Case 1: Well, I wasn't, and she was.

Case 2: When we MET, well -- we at least both knew we were flirting
with each other.  When we actually started a romantic involvement, no;
that came as a total surprise to us both.

>3. Did you pursue a romantic relationship soon after meeting each other,
>   with the friendship developing later on?

Case 1: Well, there was a good friendship beforehand, but it was still
pretty quick (a month or slightly more) from meeting to dating.  Since
breaking up, the friendship is, if anything, stronger.

Case 2: Well, yes and no.  I knew her, superficially, but didn't get
to know her really well until after I was in the romantic
relationship.  Then, a deeper friendship did develop.


I hope you learn something from the survey!
                                              --- Michael Chermside
                                                  mcherm@msc.cornell.edu


-- 
                                            --- Michael
Newsgroups: alt.romance