From: prem@prem.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: W.W.II Humour  (used to be Re: Military humor)
Date: 30 Sep 1992 21:05:15 GMT
Organization: Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory
Reply-To: prem@prem.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
NNTP-Posting-Host: prem.lbl.gov

	Here is some WW.II humour, which I remember reading in a 
	book I saw at the British Library in Bangalore, India.

	I don't believe these have appeared before in this forum.

	Prem!
================================================================================

	On a street corner in London, @1942:
	    A gentleman walked up to a soldier and asked, "Pardon me,
	    sir, which side is the War Ministry on ?"

	    "Ours, I hope."

	============================================================

	In a P.O.W. camp in Germany, a German guard said to an
	English prisoner, "Swine!!"

		The Englishman acknowledged, "Smith."

	============================================================

	A certain US Navy pilot Sgt.Oppenheimer, who was assigned to 
	the Pacific fleet was generally known to mess up quite badly.
	On one occasion, Oppie lost his course, and wandered away from 
	his aircraft carrier, straight into a squadron of four Mitsubishi 
	Zeroes. 

	Two of the Zeroes converged on Oppenheimer, and just as they
	opened fire, Oppie panicked and stalled, and the two Zeroes 
	eliminated each other. As Oppie went into a tail-spin, the 
	third Zero followed him down, guns blazing at a terrified
	Oppie. Oppie managed to get control and pulled up, just a few
	metres above the water. The Zero that was chasing him wasn't 
	so lucky and plunged into the Pacific. As Oppie climbed up,
	he saw the fourth Zero directly in front of his nose, opened
	fire and got him too.

	Oppie got his breath back, looked around, and saw the aircraft
	carrier half a mile to his South. Elated, he approached and
	made his usual inept landing. But Oppie was too happy to notice 
	all that.  He jumped out of his plane, and went up to the officer 
	and said, "How was that, sir?!!". The officer turned around, 
	let his field-glasses drop from his eyes and said "Velly 
	funny, Amelican Pilot."

	============================================================

	One of the RAF trainee pilots was on a session on a flying boat.
	As they completed their flight, his supervisor approached the
	runway on land. The trainee was quiet for a while, and as they
	lined up for the final approach, he blurted out, "Er... sir,
	aren't we on a flying boat.....". 
	
	The instructor quietly aborted the landing, turned to starboard 
	and made a clean approach and landed on the water. He quietly 
	unfastened his seatbelt, got out of his seat, walked up to the 
	door and said "Good. I was just testing your presence of mind."
	
	He had hardly finished saying that, when he opened the door
	and stepped straight out into the water.
	============================================================

	At an RAF air-show, the Lancaster bomber made his first pass
	all four engines roaring. As the cheers and waves died down, he 
	shut off one engine and made another pass. Again with only two 
	engines, and finally a low pass with just one engine.

	"Oooh", said a young girl, "That must be hard!!"

	"Aaah, that's nothing" said her boyfriend, "Next time, he'll
	just do it on his windshield wipers...."

	============================================================

	In the jungles in the far-east, mosquitoes were a terrible problem.
	But one Commanding Officer used to sleep without his shirt in the
	open. The new chaps asked one of their more experienced seniors,
	"Doesn't he get bitten by those mosquitoes ??"

	The chap answered, "Well, the C.O. has a bottle of whiskey before
	turning in. So, until 3 AM or so, he is too full to bother about the
	mosquitoes. By that time, the mosquitoes are too full to bother him!"

	============================================================