From: goffgb@wkuvx1.bitnet
Newsgroups: alt.fan.monty-python
Subject: Re: Join the masons!
Date: 7 Nov 92 17:38:21 GMT
Organization: Western Kentucky University, Bowling Green, KY

In article <BxAG7H.7C1@cck.coventry.ac.uk>, csg188@cch.coventry.ac.uk (MR X) writes:
> 
> 	***** A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OFFER ****
> 
> 	***** DO NOT IGNORE THIS ********
> 	
> 	****** OR YOU WILL REGRET IT *****
> 
> The Coventry branch of the grand lodge of free-masons would like to recruit 
> new members from the alt.fan.monty-python newsgroup.
> 
> We are the largest masonic society in the world with over 5 million 
> members worldwide. Joining us, will give you power, money and influence.
> For instance:
> 
> 	-87.56% of Unversity lecturers are masons - so a quick masonic
> 		handshake will get you a first class degree with no work.
> 	-81.23% of police officers and 92.8% of judges are masons, so you
> 		can commit any crime and get away with it.
> 	-93.567% of company bosses are masons, so you will soon rise to the
> 		top in your choosen career.
> 
> We hold regular lodge meetings, where you can take part in many activities,
> such as:
> 
> 	-Wearing Aprons
> 	-Showing each other your left nipples
> 	-Rolling up your trouser legs
> 	-Chanting strange rituals in a silly high pitched squeal
> 	-Strange handshakes
> 	-Silly walks
> 	-Perverse sexual acts (e.g. rubbing lemon curry on your naughty bits)
> 	-Corrupt business deals with other masons
> 
> There are only two rules on becoming a mason:
> 
> 1) That you wear an apron and roll up your trouser leg
> 2) That you will never reveal anything about the masons activities to
>    'normal' people.
> 3) That you will help out other masons in any way you can.
> 
> 	Sorry three rules.
> 
> Any masons who breaks the two.. sorry three rules will have their eyes torn
> out, their throat cut from side to side and their liver removed with a blunt
> instrument.
> 
> If you are intrested then complete the application form below.
> 
> ==================== Cut here ================================================
> 
> 		APPLICATION FORM
> 
> 1) E-MAIL NAME------goffgb@wkuvx1 
> 2) REAL NAME-----Gina Goff
> 3) ADDRESS-----1212 East 10th st., Bowling Green, Ky 42103
> 4) TELEPHONE NUMBER-----(502)843-1347
> 5) DATE OF BIRTH-----3/19/73
> 6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?-----creative accounting
> 7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?-----yes
> 8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?-----multi-colored with Spam
stains
> 9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?-----sure
> 10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?-----yep
> 11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.-----watch me;
it's easier to see that to describe
> 12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?--lots of them. want to try
them out?
> 13) BANK BLANCE?-----yep
> 14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?-----no
> 15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?
> 16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)-----last time I
checked
> 17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
> 18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?-----nothing
embarasses me. 
> 	(PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
> 	
> 	(A) THROBING
> 	(B) NAUGHTY BITS
> 	(C) THRUSTING
> 	(D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
> 	(E) EXTENDED
> 	(F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
> 	(G) SEMPRENI
> 
> 19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
> 	MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
> 	CHAPMAN?-----um, Monty Python's Flying Circus
> 20) YOUR FANTASY?-----to***** with ****** on the bearskin rug in
front of my fireplace in my future home on *****after****** and *****.
> 21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?-----mass
> 22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?-----not rap or old
cry-in-your-beer country
> 23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES-----2 beautiful hazel eyes
> 24) HEIGHT-----5' 4-1/2"
> 25) WEIGHT-----115 lbs are the sparrow flies
> 26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?----- !!@!@@#@@@!!!
> 27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?-----single, wanna date?
> 28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?
> 29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?-----any available
> 30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
> 	WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)
> 31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?-----no
> 32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?-----sure
> 33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST
ME?-----depends, what's yours look like?
> 34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)-----Mine
> 35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?-----nope.
> 
> =============================================================================
> 
> Your application will be considered by the grand lodge membership commitee
> who will imform you whether you have been accepted or not.
> 
> Some current members:
> 
> 	csg188@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the grand high wizard)
> 	jbrett@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the master of the apron)
> 	csg191@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the high priest)
> 	mbassing@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the high priestess)
> 	csg165@cch.coventry.ac.uk (lord of the desert, watcher over the
> 				masonic brotherhood, keeper of the sacred
> 				apron, owner of the magic nipple and
> 				manufacturer of lemon curry and spam)
> 	meh063@cch.coventry.ac.uk (master of the silly walk)
> 
> Finally, a meeting for new members will be held in "Bullys bar" in the
> students union at Coventry University on Friday 20th Nov at 2.15pm.
> If you can attend then please e-mail me or one of the other members as we need
> to know numbers.
> 
> 		FROM....
> 
> 			MR 'X'...
> 
>