Newsgroups: soc.culture.british
Subject: Camillagate: Complete transcript (long)
Organization: Trinity College Dublin
Status: RO

This is the complete transcript from The Camillagate Tape.  It was
scanned from today's Irish Times without permission.  Spelling etc
may be a bit ropey in places, but you'll get the general idea ...


Charles:.... he was a bit anxious actually. 
Camilla: Was he?
Charles: He thought he might have gone a bit far.
Camilla: Ah well.
Charles:: Anyway you know, that's the sort of thing one has to beware 
of. And Son of feel one's way along with, if you know what I mean.
Camilla: Mm. You're awfully good at feeling your way along.
Charles: Oh stop! I want to feel my way along you, all over you andup 
and down you and in and out . . .
Camilla: Oh.
Charles: ... particularly in and out.
Camilla: Oh, that's just what I need at the moment.
Charles: Is it?
(Scanner enthusiast who recorded conversation speaks over couple to 
record date-December 18th, 1989).
Camilla: I know it would revive me. I can't bear a Sunday night 
without you.
Charles: Oh god.
Camilla: It's like that programme Start The Week I can't stan the week 
without you.
Charles: I fill up your tank!
Camilla: Yes you do!
Charles: Then you can cope.
Camilla: Then I'm all right.
Charles: What about me? The trouble is I need you several times
a week.
Camilla: Mmm. So do 1.1 need you all the week. All the time.
Charles: Oh, god. I'll just live inside your trousers or something. It 
would be much easier!
Camilla: (laughs) What are you going to turn into, a palr of knickers? 
(both laugh). Oh, you're going to come back as a pair of knickers.
Charles: Or, God forbid, a Tampax. Just my luck! (laughs).
Camilla: You are a complete idiot! (laughs). Oh what a wonderful 
idea!
Charles: My luck to be chucked down a lavatory and go on and on 
forever swirling round on the top, never going down!
C~lmilla: (laughing) Oh darling!
Charles: Until the next one comes through.
Camilla: Oh, perhaps you could just come back as a box.
Charles: What Sort of box?
Camilla: A box of Tampax so you could just keep going.
Charles: That's true.
Camilla: Repeating yourself. (laughing) Oh, darling. Oh I just want 
you now.
Charles: Do you?
Camilla: Mmm.
Charles: So do I.
Camilla: Desparately, desperately.  I  thought of you so much at 
Yaraby.
Charles: Did you.?
Camilla: Simply mean  we couldn't be there together.
Charles: Desperate. If you could be here-I long to ask Nancy 
sometimes.
Camilla: Why don't you?
Charles: I daren't.
Camilla: Because I think she's so in love with you.
Charles: Mmm.
Camilla: She'd do anything you asked.
Charles: She'd tell all sorts of people.
Camilla: No she wouldn't, because she'd be much too frightened of 
what you might say to her. I think you've got, I'm afraid It's a terrible 
thing to say, but I thlnk, you know, those sort of people do feel very 
strongly about you. You've got such a great hold over her.
Charles: Really?
Camilla: And you're . . . I thmk as usual you're underestimating 
yourself.
Charles: But she might be terribly jealous or something.
Camilla Oh! (laughs) Now that is a point! I wonder, she mlght be, I 
suppose.
Charles: You never know, do you.
Camilla: No. The little greeneyed monster might be lurking inslde her. 
No, but I mean, the thing is you're so good when people are so 
flattered to be taken into your confidence, but I don't know they'd 
betray you. You know, real friends.
Charles: Really?
Camilla: I don't. (pause). Gone to sleep?
Charles: No, I'm here.
Camilla: Darling, listen, I talked to David tonight again. It might not 
be any good.
Charles: Oh no!
Camilla. I'll tell you why. He's got these children of one of those 
Crawley girls and their nanny staying. He's going, I'm going to ring him 
again tomorrow. He's going to try and put them off till Friday. But I 
thought as an alternative perhaps I might ring up Charlie.
Charles: Yes.
Camilla: And see if we could do it there. I know he's back on 
Thursday.
Charles: It's quite a lot funher away.
Camilla: Oh is it?
Charles: Well, I'm just trying to think. Coming from Newmarket.
Camilla: Coming from Newmarket to me at that time of night, you 
could probably do it in twoand-three-quaners. It takes me three.
Charles: What to go to, um, Bowood?
Camilla: Northmore.
Charles: To go to Bowood?
Camilla: To go to Bowood would be the same as me really, wouldn't it.
Charles: I mean to say, you would suggest going to Bowood, uh.
Camilla: No, not at all.
Charles: Which Charlie then?
Csmilla: What Charlie do you think I was talking about?
Charles: I don't know, because I thought you meant . . .
Camilla: I've got lots . . .
Charles: Somebody else
Camilla: I've got lots of friends called Charlie.
Charles: The other one. Patty's.
Camilla: Oh! Oh there! Oh that is furnher away. They're not . . .
Charles: They've gone . . .
Camilla: I don't know, it's just, you know, just a thought I had, if t fell 
through, the other place.
Charles: Oh right. What do you do, go on the M25 then down the M4 
Is it?
Camilla: Yes, you go, um, and sorn of Royston, or Mll, at that time of 
night.
Charles: Yes. Well, that'll be just after, it will be after shooting
anyway.
Camiila. So it would be, um you'd miss the worst of the traffic. 
Because 1'11, er, you see the problem is I've got to be in London 
tomorrow night.
Charles: Yes.
Camilla: And Tuesday night A's coming home.
Charles: No . . .
Camilla: Would you believe it? Because, I don't know what he Is 
doing, he's shooting down here or something. But darling, you 
wouldn't be able to ring me anyway, would you?
Charles: I might just. I mean, tomorrow night I could have done.
Camilla: Oh darling, I can't bear it.  How could you have done 
tomorrow  night
Charles: Because I'll be (yawns) working on the next speech.
Camilla: Oh no, what's the next one.
Charles: A Business in the Community one, rebuildmg commumtles.
Camilla: Oh no, when's that for?
Charles: A rather imponant one for Wednesday.
Camilla: Well at least I'll be behind you.
Charles: I know.
Camilla: Can I have a copy of the one you've just done?
Charles: Yes.
Camilla: Can l? Um, I would like it.
Charles: OK, I'll try and organise it . . .
Camilla: Darling . . .
Charles: But I, oh God, when am I going to speak to you?
Camilla: I can't bear it. Um . . .
Charles: Wednesday night?
Camilla: Oh, cenainly Wednesday night. I'll be alone, um, Wednesday, 
you know, the evening. Or Tuesday. While you're rushing around 
doing things I'll bc, you know, alone until it reappears. And early 
Wednesday morning, I mean, he'll be leaving at half-past eight, 
quaner-past eight. He won't be here Thursday, pray God. Um, that 
ambulance strike, it's a terrible thing to say this, I suppose it wouldn't 
have come to an end by Thursday.
Charles: It will have done?
Camilh: Well, I mean, I hope for everybody's sake it will have done, 
but I hope for our sakes it's still going on.
Charles: Why?
Camilla: Well, because if it stops he'll come down here on Thursday 
night.
Charles: Oh no.
Camilla. Yes, but I don't think it will stop, do you?
Charles: No, neither do I.  Just our luck.
Camilla: It just would be our luck, I know.
Charles: Then it's bound to.
Camilla: No it won't.  You mustn't think like that.  You must think 
positive.
Charles: I'm not very good at that.
Camilla: Well I am going to. Because if I don't I'd despair. (pause) 
Hm-gone to sleep?
Charles: No. How maddening.
Camilla: I know. Anyway, I mean, he's doing his best to change it, 
David, but I just thought, you know, I might just ask Charlie.
Charles: Did he say anything?
Camilla: No, I haven't talked to him.
Charles: You haven't?
Camilla: Well, I talked to him briefly, but you know, I just thought I 
- I just don't know whether he's got any children at home, that's the 
worry.
Charles: Right.
Camilla: Oh . . . darling, I think I'll . . .
Charles: Pray, just pray.
Camilla: It would be so wonderful to have just one night to set us on 
our way, wouldn't it?
Charles: Wouldn't it? To wish you a happy Christmas.
Camilla: (indistinct) happy. Oh, don't let's think about Christmas. I 
can't bear it. (pause) Going to go to sleep? I think you'd better, don't 
you? Darling?
Charles: (sleepy) Yes, darling?
Camilla: I think you've exhausted yourself by all that hard work. You 
must go to sleep now. Darling?
Charles: (sleepy) Yes, darling?
Camilla: Will you ring me when you wake up?
Charles: Yes I will.
Camilla: Before I have these rampaging children around. It's Tom's 
birthday tomorrow. (pause) You all right?
Charles: Mm, I'm all right.
Camilla: Can I talk to you, I hope, before those rampaging children . . 
.
Charles: What time do they come in?
Camilla: Well usually Tom never wakes up at all, but as it's his 
binhday tomorrow he might just stagger out of bed. It won't be before 
half-past eight. (pause) Night, night my darling.
Charles: . . . Darling. . .
Camilla: I do love you.
Charles: (sleepily) Before . . .
Camilla: Before about half-past eight.
Charles: Try and ring?
Camilla: Yeah, if you can. Love you darling.
Charles: Night darling.
Camilla: I love you.
Charles Love you too. I don't want to say goodbye.
Camilla: Well done for doing that, you're a clever old thing.
An awfully good brain lurking there, isn't there?  Oh darling,
I think you ought to give the brain a rest now.
Night night.
Charles: Night darling.  God bless.
Camilla: I do love you and I'm so proud of you.
Charles: Oh, I'm so proud of you
 Camilla: Don't be so silly, I've
never achieved anything.
 Charles: Yes you have.
 Camilla: No I  haven't.
 Charles: Your great achievement is to love me.
 Camilla: Oh, darling. Easier than falling off a chair.
 Charles: You suffer all these indignities and tortures and calumnies
 Camiila: Oh, darling, don't be so silly. I'd suffer anything for
you. That's love. It's the strength of love. Night night.
 Charles: Night, darling. Sounds as though you're  dragging an enor-
mous piece of string behind you with hundreds of tin pots and cans
attached to it. I think it must be your telephone. Night 
night, be fore the battery goes. (blows kiss) Night.
 Camilla: Love you.
 Charles: Don't want to say goodbye.
 Camilla: Neither do 1, but you must get some sleep. Bye.
 Charles: Bye, darling.
 Camilla: Love you.
 Charles: Bye.
 Camilla: Hopefully talk to yo in the morning.
 Charles: Please.
 Camilla Bye, I do love you.
 Charles: Night.
 Camilla: Night.
 Charles: Night.
 Camilla: Love you for ever.
 Charles: Night.
 Camilla: G'bye, Bye my darlin
 Charles: Night.
 Camilla: Night night.
 Charles: Night.
 Camilla: Bye bye.
 Charles: Going.
 Camilla: Bye.
 Charles: Going.
 Camilla: Gone.
 Charles: Night.
 Camilla: Bye. Press the button
 Charles: Going to press the tit
 Camilla: All right darling, I wish you were pressing mine.
 Charles: God, I wish I was.  Harder and harder.
 Camilla: Oh darling.
 Charles: Night.
 Csmillla: Night.
 Charles: Love you.
 Camilla: (yawning) Love you. Press the tit.
 Charles: Adore you.  Night.
 Camilla: Night.
 Charles: Night.
 Camilla: (blows a kiss).
 Charles: Night.
 Camilla: G'night my darling I love you.


-- 
===============================================================================
		Conor Nolan	(cnolan@tcd.ie)
	Microelectronics Dept. Trinity College, Dublin.  IRELAND.
===============================================================================







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