From: ahelmers@umiami.ir.miami.edu
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Followup on My Difficult 2 month old
Date: 10 Jan 93 14:56:04 EST
Organization: Univ of Miami IR

In article <1993Jan8.203320.1773@oakhill.sps.mot.com>, amym@oakhill.sps.mot.com (Amy Moseley Rupp) writes:

> She still sometimes eats only 2 oz of formula and then screams and wails
> as if in incredible pain if offered more.  The only thing that consoles
> her is a) breastfeeding and b) being patted on the back.  

> The ped was of the opinion to refuse her the breast because I don't
> make enough milk to be her sole supply, and besides that I need her
> to take a bottle occasionally.  She thinks the baby's holding out
> for the breast.  Also, she won't be held by my husband very long
> or well when she's in this state; she wants me!  

>I don't want to
> refuse her the breast because a) it works so well, and b) how can
> you refuse a sobbing little baby mouthing frantically at your shirt?

Amy, it sounds to me as if maybe there are a couple of things going on here,
one of which is a technical situation:  breast/bottlfeeding combination that
isn't working out very well and the other an emotional reaction from you about 
what your daughter needs and what is entailed in dealing with a baby.

For the first issue:  you mentioned in your previous post that you START
feeding her with a bottle, then nurse.  And now you say that you "don't make
enough milk to be her sole supply".  I'm not a nursing maven (Kate, jump in
here anytime :) but I can tell you that your milk supply isn't going to
increase unless you nurse frequently.  And logically it doesn't make sense to
begin with a bottle, then nurse.  I'll say right here that with both my babies
for the first few weeks I supplemented--I would nurse and nurse and nurse till
I just absolutely did not have milk, then give 'em a couple of ounces.  But the
point is you have to give your body a chance to adjust to the demands from the
baby.  Breastfeeding is a delicate interaction between mother and child, and
one that almost always takes a few months to get in perfect tune.

Now, the other issue is your own feelings about this situation.  Just from your
last comment:

> WHEN DOES IT END?????
 
it seems that you are feeling desperate and panicked about all this.  From your
post, it sounds as if you have a baby that needs a LOT of mommy comforting, at
least at this stage.  But maybe you're wondering if being a mother is going to
entail spending the rest of your life with a child hanging onto you screaming
desperately until your nurse her and pat her back (which could make for a very
awkward freshman year at college, eh?! :).  I remember you had a pretty tough
pregnancy, and maybe you are just feeling that you can't stand much more of the
physical demands of all this.

Well, my own battle-field advice is to take a deep breath and repeat that hoary
old cliche that all those misc.kid parents are always tossing about:  IT WILL
PASS.  That is the wonderful and maddening thing, IMO, about babies and
children.  No matter what stage or pattern they are in, it is going to change
sooner or later.  So if it is great, enjoy it.  If it is terrible, don't
despair.  She is going to get through this and so will you.

Maybe *right now* what Elizabeth needs is for you to spend most of the day
nursing her and patting her back.  So, do it!  Try to remember that you two are
starting the relationship that is going to last a very long time.  Try to look
at it as emotional money in the bank.  You're going to look back and feel
pretty good about what you tried to do for your child.

That said, don't drive yourself over the edge either.  Along with giving her
all this nursing and backpatting, take some time for yourself.  She is not
going to die if she cries for a little while with your husband while you go to
the mall, or to a movie, or just for a walk.  And if you don't recharge your
batteries, you are not going to be able to help her much.  

Sorry if this sounds preachy...it just brings back so many memories of times
when I felt that I simply COULD NOT stand whatever was going on with my
children, and when I absolutely was convinced that my worst days with them were
the pattern for the rest of my life.  Wrong!  It gets better and better,
believe me.

Ann Helmers