From: mneeley@nyx.cs.du.edu (Mark Neeley)
Subject: clues for newbies
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,alt.newbie
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 92 19:28:49 GMT

Clue #1:  "Newbie" is a name of distinction.  A badge of honor.  Wear it
          with pride.  We look forward to the arrival of newbies on the
          net.  You are a breath of fresh air.

Clue #2:  People on the net respect intelligent people.  But how do we
          know that you're intelligent?  Easy.  Just post your SAT or
          ACT scores.

Clue #3:  Post as frequently as you can, and to as many newsgroups as
          you can think of.  We really like people who write a lot.
          And set the distribution to "world."  You want as many 
          people to see your article as possible.

Clue #4:  Follow up to as many articles as you can.  But don't edit
          anything.  Just put your one or two line reply at the 
          bottom of the article you're quoting.  (We're kind of
          sensitive.  We don't like to see the articles we've 
          posted changed in any way.)

Clue #5:  You'll learn how to set up a .signature file.  This tells
          us something about you.  Make sure you fill it with quotes
          that you like.  (Rush and Star Trek quotes are especially
          cool.)  We especially respect people who have long .sig
          files.  A guy named "Kibo" got his very own newsgroup,
          mainly because everyone loves his extra-long .sig.

Clue #6:  Campaign hard to get a newsgroup named after you.  After
          all, how do you think Kibo got his?

Clue #7:  There's a guy here on talk.bizarre who's named Carasso. 
          He posts under a lot of aliases, but his address is rdc@netcom.
          He's a real idiot.  (He has really low SAT scores.)  All of 
          us hate him.  But for some reason, he insists on posting here.
          So help us flame him.  (See Clue #8)  Respond to every article
          he writes and tell him how dumb he is.

Clue #8:  Flaming is when you put somebody down.  Think of all the 
          expletives you can, string them all together, and form them
          into the worst insult you can.  Then post it.  We love to
          see flames.  A well-crafted flame is a thing of beauty. A
          wonder to behold.  Share it with the world.

Clue #9:  Grammar or spelling flames are especially good.  When a 
          person mispells a word, it shows that they didn't do too
          well on the SAT.  Tell them exactly how dumb they are.

Clue #10: People from Penn State are known to be the most intelligent
          on the net.  Listen when they speak.  Trumpet their words
          so we can hear them too.  You'll know who they are because
          their address will always end in .psu.edu.

	Mark

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