HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: snail@lsl.co.uk
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Wayne's World
Date: 7 Apr 92 11:00:36 GMT
Organization: Laser-Scan Ltd., Cambridge

In article <1992Mar29.212221.29143@sdf.lonestar.org>, pfox@sdf.lonestar.org (David Cawthon) writes:
> In article <27MAR199221170455@nsfuvax> jdale@nsfuvax writes:
>>In article <1992Mar27.165459.21830@news.iastate.edu>, ddkilzer@iastate.edu (David D Kilzer) writes...
>>>In article mcsweinberg@memstvx1.memst.edu writes:
>>>>In article cheese@next05wor.wam.umd.edu (Fletch F. Fletch) writes:
>>>>> In article <1992Mar26.101642.454@ualr.edu>  writes:
>>>>>> In article <9203252207.aa04682@Bonnie.ics.uci.edu>,  
>>>>> mmcguire@Bonnie.ICS.UCI.EDU writes:
>>>>>> >Way
>>>>>> NO way! (I couldn't help myself! :)
>>>>> Excellent...
>>>>Party on Garth, Party on Wayne!
>>>All right!  Okay!!!
>>She's a Babe!  
> Shaaaa WING!
Snoor.. Snoor.. Snoor...........zzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Z  Z  Z   Z   Z   Z Z
Boredom. I feel the need for a kill file coming on.....ZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzZZZ
-- 
===== Yes, it's meant to be a snail, I speak only for myself and my snail =====
===== not for Laser Scan.                                                 =====
                                                              *      *
Stephen Kellett                                _______         \    /
Software Engineer                            --   ___ --        \  /  
Laser Scan Ltd                              (    _   __ )      ======
Science Park                               (    (  |   ) )    =      =
Milton Road                                (     (_)    ))   =  *  *  =
Cambridge CB4 4FS                           (           )  ==   .  .  =
England                                      --       --===      ..  =
snail@lsl.co.uk                              ==_______             ==
(+44) 223 420414 ex 275              ========                  ====   
                          ===========                      ====      [ ]BEER
                       ====================================          | |CIDER
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: netnews@ccc.amdahl.com (UTS Tech Support)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Snow white
Date: 6 Apr 92 23:39:35 GMT
Organization: Amdahl Corporation, Sunnyvale CA


     Did you here about Snow White being arrested the other day?  They caught
her sitting on top of Pinochio's face screaming:  "LIE, YOU BASTARD! LIE!".
From: robertsa@unix2.tcd.ie (Andrew L. Roberts)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: homosexual joke request
Date: 15 Apr 92 10:21:10 GMT
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin

In <1992Apr13.113910.54422@cc.usu.edu> sly9y@cc.usu.edu writes:

>In article <1992Apr11.202410.3159@sarah.albany.edu>, aw0991@thor.albany.edu (Airborne) writes:
>> Here's a few gay jokes....
>> 
>> What did one gay frog say to the other?
>> 
>> Rub it, rub it.
>> 
>> What did the first hamster say to the second while outside a gay bar?
>> 
>> Wanna go in and get shitfaced?
>> 
>> What did the polite gay say at the bar?
>> 
>> Can I push your stool in for you?

>What did one fag say to the other as they walked past a cemetary?

>Hey, you wanna go get a cold one?

How do you  get four gays on  a bar-stool?

Turn it upside-down.

+-----------------------+---------------------------------------------+
| Andrew L. Roberts     |"I don't pretend to understand the universe, |
+-----------------------+  it's much bigger than I am."               |
| robertsa@unix2.tcd.ie |  		--Albert Einstein             |
+-----------------------+---------------------------------------------+

				Page 1

				Page 2
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: skydiver@dispates.u.washington.edu (People have real lives?)
Subject: Re: lots and lots of money???
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 12:15:38 GMT

gee, I never get hassled by the program I'm using...

-Cohort
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: datta@binah.cc.brandeis.edu (AMAN)
Subject: Communists and sperms
Reply-To: datta@binah.cc.brandeis.edu
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 04:22:59 GMT

What's the difference between a communist and a sperm??
                                                   
The sperm still has a chance to grow up into a decent human being..

****** ALL RIGHT, COMMIES.... FLAME ME ************
From: oldman@coos.dartmouth.edu (Prakash Das)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Number
Date: 6 Apr 92 02:49:55 GMT
Distribution: rec
Organization: Dartmouth College, Hanover, NH

In article <SAHMED.92Apr3195111@occs.cs.oberlin.edu> sahmed@occs.cs.oberlin.edu (Saif Ahmed) writes:
>Did any of you figure out what 2^ 99999 is. Well here it is.
>  
>
> 
>4995010465071922 .......
>
>....9162321286 .......... 
>

[series of meaningless digits deleted]

Well, my friend, how about some relaxation now, eh? Try computing
99999^ 2, AND 9.9999^ 2 AND 99.999^ 2, AND 999.99^ 2, AND 9999.9^ 2,
AND .......

Should keep your mathematical mind busy for some time. And oh, you 
can dump your answer sheet in your neighbourhood recycling bin after
you are done. Happy computing.

-PD
From: rv0s+@andrew.cmu.edu (Rahul Verma)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Things that make you go hmmm
Date: 12 Apr 92 06:42:21 GMT
Organization: Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA

Excerpts from netnews.rec.humor: 11-Apr-92 Re: Things that make you go..
by Adam Levin@pip.cc.brande 
>How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?

The eskimos tell you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember that anywhere you go, well, there you are!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mh@zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu (Omnivorous Oreos)
Subject: Re: Oxymorons Wanted...
Organization: Department of Mathematics, The Ohio State University
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 00:21:05 GMT


Senseless violence
From: psrjd@acad2.alaska.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Cars
Date: 6 Apr 92 17:00:46 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: University of Alaska

In article <1992Mar30.142335.4671@med.wcc.govt.nz>, parks_typ@med.wcc.govt.nz writes:
>>>
>>>	FORD = Fixed Or Repaired Daily
>>>
>>>Anybody.... has anymore cute stuff like that?
>>>Please e-mail them to me (or better... POST IT!!!!)

FORD - Fucked over rebuilt dodge
       Found on road dead
       First on race day

MOPAR - Maybe on pavement and running

FIAT - Fix it again, Tony
From: snail@lsl.co.uk
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: A lost riddle!
Date: 15 Apr 92 12:00:18 GMT
Organization: Laser-Scan Ltd., Cambridge

In article <1992Apr14.132500.5314@luga.latrobe.edu.au>, CS19241653D@lust1.latrobe.edu.au (Matthew GILLARD) writes:
> In <1992Apr13.144838.11047@oz.plymouth.edu> j_herlih@oz.plymouth.edu writes:
> 
>> >Negative One Thousand? uh, uh, you mean minus one thousand. No one who speaks
>> >english would say negative one thousand. Then again you may be american.
>> 
>> 
>> Yes, I am American and I used to say minus one-thousand, too...when I
>> was about 5 years old.  Most grown-up people say 'negative'  Then
>> again, you may be English.  We all know about Them, don't we?  *grin*
> 
> I am Australian and when I was in High School I was taught to say negative 1000
> not minus 1000
> not minus 1000.  Minus can get mixed up with the actual minus sign when you are 
> actually talking about a number less than zero.  Confused you all??
> 
> Well I definately am!!!!!
> 
Interesting one this, cos the first guy tries the I stopped doing this when I
was 5 ridicule come on, but I wrote the number -5 on a whiteboard and asked
some guys who I work with what it said. Every one said "minus five" and thought
negative five was weird. These guys have Doctorates and Masters Degrees from
Cambridge University (England). Also the weather man on TV never says 
"And tonight the temperature will be down to negative five celcius", he says
"And tonight the temperature will be down to minus five celcius", and we all
know how piccy the BBC are about getting people who speak English correctly.

Other thing is, if you find the complete post of the original question it 
did state in the English language, not the American language. I know all this
ain't really funny any more. So any more opinion?             *      *
Stephen Kellett     Still a big .sig           _______         \    /
Software Engineer                            --   ___ --        \  /  
Laser Scan Ltd                              (    _   __ )      ======
Science Park                               (    (  |   ) )    =      =
Milton Road                                (     (_)    ))   =  *  *  =
Cambridge CB4 4FS                           (           )  ==   .  .  =
England                                      --       --===      ..  =
snail@lsl.co.uk                              ==_______             ==
(+44) 223 420414 ex 275              ========                  ====   
                          ===========                      ====      [ ]BEER
                       ====================================          | |CIDER
From: syspb@smartstar.com (Paul)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: hmmm
Date: 8 Apr 92 15:58:41 GMT
Organization: none

In article <1992Apr6.212158.4671@ncsu.edu> amcandel@eos.ncsu.edu (Alex Candelaria) writes:
>
>In article <1992Apr3.185919.6837@animal.inescn.pt>, rsm@calimero.inescn.pt (Rui Soto Marta) writes:
>Path: taco!gatech!swrinde!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!mcsun!inesc.inesc.pt!animal.inescn.pt!news
>From: rsm@calimero.inescn.pt (Rui Soto Marta)
>Newsgroups: rec.humor
>Subject: Re: hmmm
>Message-ID: <1992Apr3.185919.6837@animal.inescn.pt>
>Date: Fri, 3 Apr 92 13:59:19 EST
>References: <1992Apr2.204608.1550@merrimack.edu>
>Sender: news@animal.inescn.pt (USENET News System)
>Reply-To: rsm@calimero.inescn.pt (Rui Soto Marta)
>Organization: INESC-Porto, Portugal
>Lines: 50
>Nntp-Posting-Host: test00
>
>In article <1992Apr2.204608.1550@merrimack.edu> pa_andy@merrimack.edu (The  
>Wolf) writes:
>>In article <1992Mar31.174433.468@ualr.edu>, choate@acs.harding.edu (Brad S.  
>Choate) writes:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>a
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>by
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>cat
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>duke
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>eagle
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>fellow
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>genetic
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>happened
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>injustice
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>juvenility
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>kleptomania
>>>>>>>>>>>>>lexicography
>>>>>>>>>>>>metamorphosis
>>>>>>>>>>>neocolonialism
>>>>>>>>>>organophosphate
>>>>>>>>>prestidigitation
>>>>>>>>quattuordecillion
>>>>>>>representativeness
>>>>>>sesquicentennarians 
>>>>>telelectrocardiogram
>>>>uranostaphyloplasties
>>>ventriculosubarachnoid
>>whosefuckingideawasthis 
>>xradiationhasthisidefect
>I'vefallenandIcan'tgetup!!!! 
WhatDoYouCall1BrunetteAnd3BlondesStandingOnTheCorner?
RegularPrice,FourBucks,FourBucks,FourBucks
Melissa
Tomato
Ketsup
Catsup
From: altfeld@racquet.csee.usf.edu (John Altfeld)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Helen Keller Jokes (new one?)
Date: 14 Apr 92 15:21:04 GMT
Reply-To: altfeld@racquet.csee.usf.edu (John Altfeld)
Organization: Univ of South Florida, Dept of Computer Science

*-> How did Helen Keller die?
*-> 
*-> She fell off a cliff and screamed her hands off.

Why DIDN'T anyone hear her?
She was wearing gloves........



-- 
______________________________________________
                  __
   /\            /  |
  / |           /   |
 /  |           \   |
(__>|-onathan    \_/|_ltfeld__
  / |
 / /  
(_/

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}
{}    Jonathan David Altfeld      {}
{}  altfeld@daffy.csee.usf.edu    {}
{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

...Or else.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Break up line.
From: chriss@pandanus.cs.ntu.edu.au (Chris C. Sleeman)
Date: 9 Apr 92 09:43:36 +0900
Reply-To: chriss@pandanus.cs.ntu.edu.au (Chris C. Sleeman)
Distribution: world
Organization: Computer Science, NTU


For such a fat girl, you've got small tits!

Chriss
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: BACS Data Communications Group <commgrp@silver.ucs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Ted Kennedy
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 15:39:55 GMT

One of Ted Kennedy's aides came into his office and asked, 
"Senator, what do you want to do about the abortion bill?"
Ted replied, "Go ahead and pay it."
                                          (-- Rush Limbaugh?)
--

Frank     reid@ucs.indiana.edu
From: rac2@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (RICHARD A. CHINITZ)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Oxymorons wanted...
Date: 10 Apr 92 06:19:18 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

Drug-Free School Zone
>
From: evans@jazz.concert.net (Larry Evans)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Sam Kinnison
Date: 14 Apr 92 14:14:40 GMT
Organization: Center for Communications, MCNC; RTP, NC

In article <1992Apr14.130853.2667@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu> mtf39190@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Michael T Freeman) writes:
>kurts@hpnmdla.sr.hp.com (Kurt Strain) writes:
>
>>There's one silver lining about the death of Sam Kinnison:  Now we don't 
>>have to listen to him anymore
>
> 	I'll second that. . . ! 
>-- 
>						Michael Freeman
>						mtf39190@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu


Who forced you to listen to him before?  I'll logged off now, so I won't
be force to read your shit!

.
From: gtr0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (GLEN TORLEIF RYEN)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Humorous euphamisms for screwing...
Date: 10 Apr 92 17:59:42 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

How about George Carlin's euphemism for it:

     The one-eyed wonder worm meets the bearded clam.
From: toney@kenyon.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: OOOPS! See BOT for Great Sheep joke
Date: 11 Apr 92 11:43:50 GMT
Organization: Kenyon College

SEE BOT ABOVE FOR SHEEP JOKE!! SORRY JUST A NEW KID ON BLOCK
From: tdh@po.CWRU.Edu (Thomas D. Halter)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Lawyer Jokes
Date: 12 Apr 92 22:39:02 GMT
Article-I.D.: usenet.1992Apr12.223902.2376
Reply-To: tdh@po.CWRU.Edu (Thomas D. Halter)
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)


In a previous article, cummingc@CS.ColoState.EDU (christopher cummings) says:

...

>     "Your Honor, my client agrees that the young lady has a fine
>piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and
>a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction.  However,
>my client found a wall on the property around which he placed his
                   ^^^^
I think this should be well

>own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump.  All labor being
>performed personally by him.  We claim these improvements to the
>property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount and that the
>plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said
>property.  We, therefore, ask that the judgement not be granted."
>
-- 
 __________________________________________________________________
| Internet:tdh@po.cwru.edu| "A Mind is a terrible thing to taste"  |
| uucp:ncoast!telefast!tdh|                                        |
|_________________________|________________________________________|
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: Bobbi James <james@convex.COM>
Subject: Re: April fool's day jokes?
Originator: james@starman.convex.com
Reply-To: james@convex.COM (Bobbi James)
Organization: CONVEX Computer Corporation, Richardson, Tx., USA
Date: Wed, 08 Apr 1992 19:33:26 GMT
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

a local country radio station played a great april fool's joke in dallas:

all morning, listeners were calling in saying dale hansen (a very
well-known sportscaster with the ABC affiliate TV station here) was 
actually bald!  hundreds of people called:  "i saw it last night on the
news!  when they broke for a commercial, the camera guy scanned the
newsroom and there was dale, sittin' there with a toupee in his hands!"  etc.,
etc.  

i guess people were calling the tv station to find out if it was true.  women
were calling the radio station and saying they don't care if dale
wears a toupee, he's still the sexiest sportscaster around....:-)

there's a write-up in today's paper about, but i haven't had the chance
to check it out yet....

bobbi


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: csmith@onetouch.COM (Craig Smith)
Subject: Re: WHAT IS THE REST OF LIMERICK
Organization: MCS/OneTouch, Inc.
Date: Wed, 08 Apr 92 23:31:12 GMT

djjames@cup.portal.com (Daniel J James) writes:

>>On Three's Company (remember w/John Ritter?), there was a limerick he
>>was about to say.  The beginning of it went something like this:
>>
>>There was a girl from Nantucket,
>>...........
>>After that Jack was interrupted.  Was there one in existence?

>There once was a girl from Nantucket
>who went up to heaven in a bucket.
>St. Peter was there
>and asked for her fare
>so she lifted her skirt and said "Fuck it"


Actually, I originally heard this as a two-part limeric:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his gold in a bucket.
   His daughter, named Nan,
   Ran off with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nan tuck et!

He followed the two to Pawtucket
(The man and the girl with the bucket).
   He said to the man,
   "You're welcome to Nan."
But, as for the bucket, Paw tuck et!


-- 
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Craig Smith                                         csmith@onetouch.COM ::
:: Columbus, OH                                  ...!uunet!onetouch!csmith ::
::::::::::::::: "Life is a fulltime occupation."--Gene Kalman :::::::::::::::
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bnk@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Bob N Keenan)
Subject: Re: Smells Like Nirvana
Organization: Computing Services Division, University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1992 19:07:25 GMT

>p_emond@pavo.concordia.ca (NAME PATRICK EMOND) writes:
>
>>In article <1992Apr13.211947.1716@vax1.mankato.msus.edu>, mscs057@vax1.mankato.msus.edu writes...
>>>Hey, I just saw the stupidest video on Mtv.
>>>It was "Weird Al" and it was "Smells Like Nirvana".
>>> 
>>>It is a must never see.
>>> 
>>  On behalf of all Weird Al and Nirvana fans (or at least two of us here),
>>  GET A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!!!
>I agree!  It's a great song!  Does anyone have the lyrics???

   I thought it was HILARIOUS!!  Ive taped it and watched a bunch of
   times.  Weird Al did the sarcastic version of the "smells like teen
   spirit song" because....well...it DESERVED it!  I like the Nirvana
   song. but, you gotta admit, the way the lead singer enunciates you
   cant tell what hes singing!!  And thats why weird al did the Parody
   of it.  Any way you can FTP to  cs.uwp.edu  which is a
   lyrics/music server and get lyrics from most any band for most of
   the popular songs.  If you dont have FTP capabil. E-mail me and I
   will send you the Nirvana lyrics.....

-bob
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Bob N. Keenan                     | disclaimER?? I don't even 
~ University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee | KNOW HER!!!       ___o 
~ bnk@csd4.csd.uwm.edu              |                  -\ <,  
~                       ......wooosh!................(*)/ (*) 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: william.bbs@cybernet.cse.fau.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Oxymorons wanted...
Keywords: UNIX
Date: 9 Apr 92 18:26:27 GMT
Article-I.D.: cybernet.sq8yiB8w164w
Organization: Florida Atlantic University, Boca Raton

mkrey@Ingres.COM (Mike Krey) writes:

> In article <1992Mar30.204555.20462@acsu.buffalo.edu>, v050lt62@ubvmsd.cc.buff
> >In article <1992Mar16.192717.17373@gmuvax2.gmu.edu>, baskew@gmuvax2.gmu.edu 
> >>In article <SMOORE.92Mar10110313@chocorua.dartmouth.edu> smoore@dartmouth.e
> >>(Sean Moore) writes:
> >>>I want to start a collection of oxymorons, and I figured all of you
> >>>humorists out there would be a great resource.  So here are three
> >>>starter oxymorons:
> >>>
> >>>tight slacks
> >>>green blackberries
> >>>jumbo shrimp
> >> 
> 
> Open Unix
military intelligence
hot water heater...?
From: jhblank@ncrclm.ClemsonSC.NCR.COM (Joey H. Blankenship)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: 1-800 Number in USA for Polish Jokes
Date: 14 Apr 92 12:55:27 GMT
Reply-To: jhblank@ncrclm.ClemsonSC.NCR.COM (Joey H. Blankenship)
Organization: NCR E&M CLEMSON Liberty, SC

In article <1992Apr11.130651.23765@u.washington.edu> me@dispates.u.washington.edu (My Account) writes:
>In article <44733@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> griz@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Dormouse)  
>writes:
>> No, the number for polish jokes is...
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 1-800-634-POLZ
>> 
>> Try it, there is even some original ones.
>> 
>> -dormouse
>[.sig deleted]
>Interesting, because there isn't a 'z' on any US phones
                                           ^^^
                                           ^^^
Remember, broad general statements are frequently wrong.
My AT&T phone is as follows:
1	Blank
2	ABC
3	DEF
4	GHI
5	JKL
6	MNO
7	PQRS
8	TUV
9	WXYZ
0	Oper
#
*


ObJoke:	You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
From: sly9y@cc.usu.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Number
Date: 6 Apr 92 17:43:27 GMT
Article-I.D.: cc.1992Apr6.114327.54227
Distribution: rec
Organization: Utah State University

In article <SAHMED.92Apr3195111@occs.cs.oberlin.edu>, sahmed@occs.cs.oberlin.edu (Saif Ahmed) writes:
> Did any of you figure out what 2^ 99999 is. Well here it is.
>   
> 
>  
> 499501046507192253972016382165016795490214569527090845885764636931572 
> 
........ad nauseum.

Damn, I just can't quit laughing, this is incredibly _hiarious_
From: psrjd@acad2.alaska.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Helen Keller Jokes
Date: 6 Apr 92 21:37:23 GMT
Organization: University of Alaska

Others I have seen:

-How did Hellen Kellers parents punish her?
	1) Rearrange the furniture.
	2) Leave the toilet plunger in the toilet

-Define true love.
	Hellen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

-Why was Hellen Keller's leg yellow?
	Her dog was blind too.

-Why didn't Hellen scream when she fell of a cliff?
	She was wearing mittens.
From: rhatch@ringer.cs.utsa.edu (Richard Hatch)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Wanted: a good come-back
Date: 8 Apr 92 15:15:39 GMT
Organization: University of Texas at San Antonio

How about something like, "Well...  you have to make a living...  Too bad you
don't have any other 'talent.'"

-- 
| Mail me here: Richard Hatch  | "Tact is the art of convincing people that  |
|  CS332101017@utsa86.utsa.edu |  they know more than they do.               |
|  rhatch@lonestar.utsa.edu    |                                             |
|  rhatch@ringer.cs.utsa.edu   |                  -Raymond Mortimer          |
From: stevec@wpsun4.UUCP (Stephen Carroll)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Riddle
Summary: that reminds me ....
Date: 15 Apr 92 16:33:49 GMT
Article-I.D.: wpsun4.583
Organization: WordPerfect Corporation, Orem UT

In article <1992Apr6.210040.6074@aeras.uucp>, jgold@aeras.uucp (Jeff Gold) writes:
 In article <587@grivel.une.oz.au> scavanag@neumann.une.oz.au writes:
: >From article <900344a.702358553@aucs>, by 900344a@aucs.acadiau.ca (Stephen A. Archibald):
: >> 
: >> Here's an old one.
: >> 
: >>  What can go up a chimney when it is down, but cann't go down
: >>  a chimney when it is up.
: >> 
: >
: ><sigh> an umbrella.
: >
: >
: How 'bout Santa with an erection?

That reminds me of the "Joke of the Day" on Z93, the local "Rock N Roll Oldies"
station just before last Christmas.

Santa was delivering toys at a certain house, when he looked over to see a
beautiful woman standing a few feet away wearing a teddie.  She said, "Santa,
will you come play with me?"  Santa replied, "HO, HO, HO, gotta go, got a lot
of toys to deliver you know!"  After removing one strap of the teddie from her
shoulder, she said, "Santa, WILL you come play with me?"  Santa replied, "HO,
HO, HO, gotta go, a lotta kids are waiting for me you know!"  She then removed
the other strap off her shoulder, and the teddie fell to the floor.  She said,
"Now will you come play with me?"  Santa replied, "HEY, HEY, HEY, gotta stay,
can't get back up the chimney this way!"



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