From: kevin@nuchat.sccsi.com (Kevin Brown)
Subject: Re: Finding Romantic Partners (long)
Organization: I can't see any in the immediate vicinity...
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 03:45:57 GMT

In article <71348@apple.Apple.COM> stef@Apple.COM (Stef Jones) writes:
>kevin@nuchat.sccsi.com (Kevin Brown) writes: 
>
>>I'll bet acting will work great, because
>>it is about the most perverse thing I can think of, with respect to what
>>relationships are *supposed* to be about (aren't relationships *supposed*
>>to be about honesty, openness, warmth, etc.?  In other words, everything
>>that acting is the antithesis of?).  
>
>Side note: relationships are best when they involve honesty, openness,
>warmth, etc., 

In other words, when what's being pretended isn't really pretend at all...
:-)

>but a healthy appreciation for perversity also adds spice. :-) 

Of course!  :-)

>(I.e., having a sense of humor and being able to *play* are attractive
>qualities.)

And the more perverse the play, the better, right?  :-)

>Acting isn't necessarily the antithesis of honesty, openness, warmth - 
>acting is learning how to communicate effectively (i.e., so that your
>meaning is correctly interpreted by the audience). It may involve some 
>exaggeration and simplification. But if you want to get something across, 
>sometimes it is best to present a simplified version at first. Later on 
>you can work on refining it. 

Hmm...yes, this is true.

However, if you actually *are* feeling something, is it "acting" to show
it?

My point is this:  I don't see how acting is even necessary unless what
is being conveyed isn't an accurate representation of what is actually
felt/believed/whatever.

>If you aren't used to expressing emotions, giving compliments, &c, acting 
>will help you learn how. At first it will seem artificial, but perhaps later 
>on it will not.

Yes, I guess this is true.

But is it acting when you do these things when you actually feel these
things?

>>So: they want to see confidence, eh?  No problem.  But won't they be
>>surprised when they find out that it was all an act...
>
>Not necessarily--people aren't all that easy to fool completely ... 

I guess we'll see.  :-)

>it's more that people appreciate your *effort* to appear confident. Just as 
>people appreciate your effort to wear well-fitting clothes, even if you 
>don't have an athlete's body. (Note, I'm told that not all people appreciate 
>these things - I'm only talking about people I know.)

Hmm...this may be.  Just how far does this "appreciation" go?

I mean, someone doesn't look good just because they're *trying* to look
good.  They look good because their appearance *actually appeals* to
others (don't you just love tautologies?  :-).  This is pretty much by
definition, isn't it?

There may be some people that appreciate the effort more than the results.
But the results are what is most visible, so I would expect that most
people appreciate the results more than the effort.

>>Somehow, I find the idea of fooling someone else into giving me what I
>>want to have some appeal.  I wonder if this means that I'm turning into
>>an Evil Person.  :-)
>
>Good! An appreciation of Evil can be very attractive to women. :-)

Oh, good!  I'll start dragging poor, unsuspecting women into my
clutches immediately.  :-)

>Stef
>stef@apple.com
>--
>There is a great difference between not wishing to do evil and not knowing 
>how. --Seneca

How apropos...:-)


-- 
				Kevin Brown

			    kevin@nuchat.sccsi.com
			    kevin@taronga.taronga.com
Newsgroups: soc.singles