From: rjc@onion.Princeton.EDU (Raymond Chen)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.simpsons
Subject: [7G12] Krusty Get Busted (!)
Date: 6 Apr 92 16:13:04 GMT
Organization: Abject Admirers of Lisa Simpson

['Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and m(*munch*)]

A very important episode, considering that this week's episode is...

	THE RETURN OF SIDESHOW BOB.


Krusty Gets Busted                  Written by Jay Kogen and Wallace Wolodarsky
                                                          Directed by Brad Bird
===============================================================================
[$Id: 7g12 1.1 92/04/06 08:27:12 raymond Exp Locker: raymond $]
===============================================================================
> Title sequence
===============================================================================
Blackboard :- `They are laughing at me, not with me'.
              `They are laughing at me, n' at cutoff.

Driveway   :- Homer yells ``Auugh!'' when the car closes in on him.

Couch      :- Maggie squirts into the air.  Marge catches her and
              places her on her lap.

===============================================================================
> Didja notice ...
===============================================================================
    Special Guest Voice
        Kelsey Grammer (Sideshow Bob)   [totally inspired casting --rjc]

    ... Krusty uses a spanner to stir food cooked in a saucepan? {cjb}
        (Ah, bachelor living.)
    ... The `A' in `Action' news looks like an `F' and `I' written close
        together?  ``Fiction news''?
    ... Krusty's prison number was A113?  Brad Bird's signature.

===============================================================================
> Reviews
===============================================================================

Yours Truly {rjc}:  Another classic.  They just keep comin'.

===============================================================================
> Movie (and other) References
===============================================================================
  + Black Sox Scandal (baseball)
        - `Say it ain't so, Krusty!'
  + Perry Mason
        - The district attorney
  + Mission Impossible
        - The music as Bart and Lisa arrive at the scene of the crime
  + Eine Kleine Nachtmusik (Mozart)
        - The theme to Sideshow Bob's Cavalcade of Whimsy
  + Scooby Doo
        - ``And I would've gotten away with it, too,
            if it weren't for these meddling kids.''

===============================================================================
> Freeze Frame Fun
===============================================================================
>> Magazines
   Timely:  Picture of Krusty.  ``Krock of the Year''
   Newsweekly:  Picture of Krusty.  ``<unclear> with Dastard''
   Today's Guns:  Man with a gun.  ``357 Magnum:  The Clownn [sic] Stopper''

>> Sideshow Bob's Cavalcade of Whimsy
   Sideshow Bob's dressing room reads, ``Sideshow Bob Enterprises''

===============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
===============================================================================
>> References
>>> Previous episodes
    [7G03] The Duff Beer commercial

===============================================================================
> Quotes and scene summary
===============================================================================
% Krusty putters on stage and greets his audience.

Krusty: Hi, kids!  Who do you love?
Kids:   Krusty!
Krusty: How much do you love me?
        [Bart and Lisa watch the show at home]
Bart+Lisa+Kids: With all our heart!
Krusty: What would do if I went off the air?
Bart+Lisa+Kids: We'd kill ourselves!
-- Making life worth living, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Krusty and Sideshow Bob (who does not speak but rather uses a slide whistle)
% are joined on stage by Whitney, a young girl celebrating her birthday.
% Whitney has a choice:  Either Krusty can sing her a birthday song, or they
% can shoot Sideshow Bob out of a cannon.  The audience chants, ``The cannon!
% The cannon!'' and Whitney chooses the cannon.
%
% Sideshow Bob is loaded in the cannon, and Krusty suggests that the reason
% the cannon trick never worked before is that they didn't use enough
% gunpowder!  Whitney ignites the cannon, but when the gunpowder explodes,
% the cannon recoils off the stage.  The cannon tips forward, and Sideshow
% Bob oozes out.  Krusty leads the kids in a tag line...

Krusty: Don't blame me...
Krusty+Kids:  <I> didn't do it!
-- Words to live by, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

Comedy, thy name is Krusty.
-- Bart, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Next up is an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon.

Bart+Lisa:  [laugh at an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon]
Marge: My, all this senseless violence.  I don't understand the appeal.
Bart:  We don't expected you to, Mom.
Lisa:  If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.
-- ``Krusty Gets Busted''

If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.
-- Lisa, ``Krusty Gets Busted'

% At work, Homer's donut-dunking is interrupted by a phone call from Marge,
% who asks him to pick up a half gallon of Premium ice cream on his way
% home from work.  Homer suspects a trick, and his fears are confirmed when
% Marge explains that Patty and Selma are going to show slides of their
% trip to the Yucatan.  (``D'oh!'')
%
% There's a knock at the door.  The Bouvier twins have arrived.

Oooooh, eight carousels!  We're in for a real treat!
-- Marge welcomes her sisters, laden with slides of their latest trip,
   ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Bart and Lisa are not pleased by this.
%
% Homer ambles into the Kwik-E-Mart...

Hello, steady customer!  How are you this evening, sir?
-- Apu welcomes Homer, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% ... and walks past a masked Krusty, heating up a burrito in the microwave.

Mmm... Chocolate...
Ooooh, double chocolate...
Gasp!  New flavor!  Triple chocolate!
-- Homer buys ice cream, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% He also picks up ``something for the trip back to the cash register'',
% walking past Krusty hiding inconspicuously behind a magazine.

What's the matter, sir?  Never have I seen you so unhappy when you are
purchasing such a large quantity of ice cream.
-- Apu to Homer, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% As Homer explains that he's going home to suffer through a slide show hosted
% by ``the gruesome twosome'', Krusty crosses over and gets in line behind
% Homer.  As Homer leaves, he accidentally steps on Krusty's foot (earning
% a tongue-lashing), and sees that Krusty has a gun.  Homer dives into the
% potato chips display.

Krusty: [holding a gun]  Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
Apu:    Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery.
        I do work in a convenience store, you know.
-- ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Krusty takes the money and leaves.

You can emerge now from my chips.
The opportunity to prove yourself a hero is long gone.
-- Apu to a (cowardly) Homer, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Meanwhile, Marge and the kids suffer through a slide show.
% (Bart wears a sombrero, Lisa a red poncho.)

Patty: This is a Mexican delicacy called a `taco platter'.
Selma: Mmm, delicious.
-- Narrating a slide show of their trip to the Yucatan, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Next is a slide of Selma taking a siesta in her bra.  Says Bart,
% ``Aye, Carumba!''
%
% Back at the Kwik-E-Mart, Homer describes the perpetrator to a sketch artist.
% Only after the artist finishes the drawing does Homer recognize the face as
% Cruddy, Crummy... Krusty the Clown!
%
% In his apartment, Krusty mixes himself a drink and relaxes.  Through the
% windows burst a SWAT team, and Krusty is thrown to the floor, a gun pointed
% at his head.

Krusty: Hey, what's going on, here?
Wiggum: Krusty the Clown, you're under arrest for armed robbery.
        You have the right to remain silent.
        Anything you say, blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah.
-- You know the rest, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Homer is called to the station to identify Krusty in a line-up.

Send in the clowns!
-- Chief Wiggum prepares for a police line-up, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% A group of clowns is brought in, and Homer has trouble containing his
% laughter.  (``If the crime is making me laugh, they're <all> guilty!'')
% Homer eventually identifies Krusty.
%
% Back at home, even Marge is bored of the slide show.

And this is all the mail that awaited us upon our return.
[click, next slide]
And this is Selma dropping off our vacation film to be developed.
Thus concludes our Mexican Odyssey.
-- Patty shows vacation slides, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% The kids have already fallen asleep.  ``Very... thorough,'' says Marge as
% she turns on the light.  Homer finally arrives and begins telling the story
% of his ordeal, but decides to let the TV news tell the story.

Why did the clown cross the road?
To rob a Kwik-E-Mart.
A new story behind that enigmatic half-joke after this commercial message.
-- Scott Christian anchors the newscast, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% During the commerical (for Duff Beer), Homer talks to Bart about Krusty.

Homer: Bart, you know that guy on your lunchbox?
Bart:  Oh, you mean Krusty the Clown?
Homer: He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he?
Bart:  Are you kidding?  He's my idol!
       I've based my life on Krusty's teaching.
-- Krusticism?  ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Homer tries to get Bart out of the room before the news returns, but too
% late.  Bart: ``Gasp!  Krusty!''  Lisa:  Oh, no!''  Maggie: *suck* *suck*.

Earlier this evening, the Springfield SWAT team apprehended
the TV clown, who appears on a rival station, opposite our
own Emmy award winning Hobo Hate.
-- Scott Christian's news flash, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% And just in, surveillance film from the Kwik-E-Mart security camera.
% Homer's remark about the ``gruesome twosome'' is broadcast for all to hear.
% Bart is crushed, but Marge suggests that perhaps Krusty is innocent.

Earth-to-Marge.  Earth-to-Marge.  I was there.  The clown is G-I-L-L-T-Y.
-- Homer, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% In his room, Bart glumly stares at his huge Krusty poster, then picks up
% a Krusty doll.  He pulls the string, and it says, ``You're
% my best friend.''  Another pull.  ``Buy my cereal!  Wuh-huh-huh-huh!''
% And, ``<I> didn't do it!''
%
% [End of Act One.  Time: 7:14]
%
% Over a snazzy graphic ``Krusty Gets Busted'', Kent Brockman anchors the news.

Good evening again, Springfield.  Krusty the Klown, the beloved idol of
countless tots, now nothing more than a common (alleged) criminal.
-- Kent Brockman reports... ``Krusty Gets Busted''

His trial, which begins tomorrow, has taken center ring in a national media
circus, as children of all ages, from 8 to 80, hang onto each new
development like so many Rumanian trapeze artists.
-- Kent Brockman reports... ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% He continues, ``From his humble beginnings as a street mime in Tupelo,
% Mississippi, Krusty climbed to the top of a personal mini-empire, with
% dozens of endorsements including his line own line of pork products.
% This may have led to one of television's best-loved bloopers, his near
% fatal heart-attack, in 1986.''

Krusty: Wasn't that a great Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, kids?
        Well, we've got another one coming right up.
        But first!  I've got a hankerin' for some pork products!
        [Sideshow Bob wheels in a barebecue grill]
        Mmmm.... Look!  Plump, succulent sausage.  Honey-smoked bacon.
        And glistening, sizzling.... Aaaagh!  D'oh!
        [Krusty clutches his chest and contorts his face]
Kids:   Ah-hah-hah-hah-hah!
Krusty: [collapses, his hand slowly descending out of frame]
        Heart...attack... Gagh!  I'm... dying...  I'm dying...
Kent:   [watching on a monitor]  Heh heh heh.
-- Krusty's near-fatal heart attack in 1986, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% ``But a triple-bypass and a pacemaker later, Krusty bounced back.  However,
% he was a changed clown.  Where his show had been condemned by parents and
% educators alike as simple-minded TV mayhem...''  Sideshow Bob slowly mashes
% a cream pie into Krusty's face.  Krusty punches Shideshow Bob in the mouth.
% ``... this `new' Krusty devoted a small portion of every show to stamping
% out illiteracy in today's anything-for-a-thrill youth.''  Krusty holds
% up a book (upside-down) and says, ``Give a hoot!  Read a book!''
%
% Reverend Lovejoy calls upon the citizens of Springfield to gather up the
% merchandise related to the ``Clown Prince of Corruption'' for a public
% burning.
%
% Krusty's trial begins tomorrow.  Fade to an un-made-up Krusty in prison
% garb, taken into the courthouse.

Bart:   Look at him.  His clothes are so drab.
Lisa:   His face is so flesh-colored and sad.
Bart:   And his feet.  They're so small.
        [grabs Krusty] Say it ain't so, Krusty!
Atty:   Uh, my client has no comment at this time.
Krusty; [meekly]  I didn't do it!
        [all laugh as Krusty is dragged away on his heels]
-- Once a clown, always a clown.  ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% In court...

Judge:  Krusty the Clown, how do you plead?
Krusty: [brightly] I plead guilty, your honor.
        [huge gasp from the crowd, Krusty looks around surprised]
Atty:   [whispers into Krusty's ear]
Krusty: Oh, heh heh heh, not guilty, heh heh heh.
        Opening-night jitters, your honor.
-- Just picture them in their underwear, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% The prosecuting attorney calls Homer to the stand.  Bart begs Homer not to
% do it, to no avail.

Mr. Simpson, was that you taking that cowardly dive into that display of
heavily-salted snack treats?
-- Prosecutor at Krusty's trial, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% The prosecutor invites Homer to point out the man who held up the
% Kwik-E-Mart.   Homer raises his finger and sees Bart silently begging
% and pleading.  Homer fingers Krusty.  Bart puts his head in his hands.
% (``Oh, man...'')  The prosecutor asks that the record show that Homer
% ``eventually'' pointed at Krusty.
%
% In Lisa's room, Marge tosses all Krusty-related merchandise into a
% brown paper bag, including the Krusty pacifier Maggie is sucking on.

These toys are just adorable.  Who would have guessed they were inspired
by an insane criminal genius.
-- Marge throws out Krusty-related toys, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Maggie puts a new pacifier in her mouth.  Homer meanwhile loads up a
% wheelbarrow with the Krusty stuff in Bart's room.

Bart:  Dad, you're giving in to mob mentality!
Homer: No I'm not, I'm hopping on the bandwagon!
       Now come on, son, get with the winning team!
-- ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% The toy burning is about to begin.  (A souvenir stand nearby sells
% Krusty dolls.  ``Buy 'em an' burn 'em!'')

Good people, I'm so happy you're all here tonight.  But please, just a few
words of caution.  Now, we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze, but
because these are children's toys, the fire will spread quickly, so please
stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes.
-- Reverend Lovejoy coordinates a Krusty-burning, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% *Foom!*  The pile ignites in a mushroom cloud of flame.  Bart watches
% sadly.
%
% At the trial, the prosecutor asks Krusty to identify exhibit B, but Krusty
% can't.  He confesses that he's illiterate, to the shock of all.  ``Is it
% a crime to be illiterate?''  The prosecutor shows him exhibit B...

Prosecutor: Betting slips, indicating that you've lost substantial sums
            of money on sports gambling.
Krusty:     [dramatically]  Is it a crime to bet on sporting events?
Prosecutor: Yes, it is!
Krusty:     [meekly]  Oh.
-- Krusty's trial, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% The jury has reached a verdict.

Foreperson: We find the defendant, Krusty the Clown...  Guilty.
Crowd:      [gasp!]
Defense Attorney:  Ugh!  [bangs the table]  I knew it!
            This happens to me every time!
-- ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% At home, Lisa and Maggie watch the Krusty the Clown show, sans Krusty.
% Sideshow Bob puts his slide whistle to his lips, then sets it back down.
% ``My young friends, for years I have been silent, save for the crude
% gissandos of this primitive wind instrument.  But now, destiny has thrust
% me in the center ring!  In the coming weeks, you will notice some rather
% sweeping changes in our program.  Please do not be alarmed, Itchy and
% Scratchy will still have a home here.  But we will also learn about
% nutrition, self-esteem, etiquette, and all the mindly arts...''
% Bart comes in.  ``What the hell are you doing, Lis?''  Lisa is watching
% Sideshow Bob.  Bart sneers, ``You back-stabber!  You traitor!  You...''
% Lisa slaps him.  ``Snap out of it, Bart!  Face the facts!  All those hours
% we spent staring at Krusty, we were staring at a crook!''  Bart shuts
% off the television set and says he knows Krusty is innocent.

Bart: I bet I can prove Krusty's innocent, but... [meekly] I need your help.
Lisa: [genuinely not knowing]  You do?  Why?
Bart: Oh, come on, Lis, you know why.
Lisa: No!  Why?
Bart: I'll never forgive you for making me say this, but...
      [deep breath]  You're smarter than me.
Lisa: [adorable smile]
-- ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Lisa agrees to join Bart.  First stop, the scene of the crime.

[hiding behind the counter]
Okay, don't try anything funny.  I'm armed to the teeth.
-- Apu, once bitten twice shy, ``Krusty the Clown''

% Lisa points out the sign on the microwave:  ``People with pacemakers should
% stay away from this thing.''  Says Bart, ``So?  <I> don't have a pacemaker.''
% Lisa explains that Krusty does, yet the surveillance film shows Krusty
% at the microwave.  Next, Lisa reminds Bart that Krusty can't read.
% (``Okay, okay, so the poor guy can't read, will ya get off his back
% already?'')  Yet the surveillance film shows Krusty reading a magazine.

Hey, hey, this is not a lending library!
If you're not going to buy that thing, put it down or I'll blow your heads off!
-- Apu, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Lisa agrees that Krusty was framed.  But by whom?  Bart suggests they talk
% to Krusty's best friend in the whole world:  Sideshow Bob.
%
% Sideshow Bob finishes a reading from Chapter 34 of The Man in the Iron Mask,
% then concludes with a song.  Heading into his dressing room, Sideshow Bob
% bites his finger and sobs for poor Krusty.  Once inside, the sobs turn into
% an evil cackle...
%
% [End of Act Two.  Time: 16:04]
%
% In his dressing room, Sideshow Bob enjoys a glass of wine while chatting
% with various folks wanting to merchandise his likeness.  A security guard
% informs him that there are some kids who would like to talk to him, and
% the suits offer to defer the contract-signing to tomorrow, then leave.
%
% Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are shown in.  As Sideshow Bob puts on his shoes,
% he says it's close to show time and gives the kids free tickets.
%
% The show begins.  He asks the kids, ``Who<m> do you love?'' (Grammer on
% grammar) and the kids respond, ``Sideshow Bob!''  Bart remains silent.

Come on, Bart, go with the flow!
-- Lisa, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Sideshow Bob spots an unhappy child in the audience (Bart) and invites
% him to chat.  Bart is reluctant, but Lisa shoves him onstage.

Sideshow Bob: So what's on your mind, Bart?  Is it that other children
              don't accept you?
Bart:         Sure, Sideshow Bob, but that doesn't bother me.
-- Armchair psychiatry, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Bart says that he and his sisters think Krusty was framed.  First, the
% thief used a microwave, but Krusty couldn't.  Sideshow Bob responds that
% Krusty was not the sort of person to follow doctor's orders.  Next,
% Bart mentions the magazine...

The fact is, you don't have to be able to read to enjoy the Springfield
Review of Books.  Just look at these amusing caricatures of Gore Vidal
and Susan Sonntag.
-- Sideshow Bob, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Bart concedes the point.  Sideshow Bob admits that he has big shoes to
% fill.  The phrase ``big shoes to fill'' echo through Bart's mind as he
% remembers that Homer stepped on the thief's foot, yet Krusty has small
% feet.  On the other hand, Sideshow Bob has large feet...

There was a school of thought called stoicism...
-- Sideshow Bob hosts his Cavalcade of Whimsy, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Bart levels his accusation at Sideshow Bob.  He grabs the microphone.

Bart: Attention, fellow children!  Krusty didn't rob that store!
      Sideshow Bob framed him, and I got proof!
      [whams Sideshow Bob's foot with a mallet]
Sideshow Bob: [hopping and grabbing his foot]
      Ow!  You lousy, stupid clumsy...
Kids: Gasp!
Bart: See that?  Krusty wore big, floppy shoes, but he's got little feet,
      like all good-hearted people.  [whams Sideshow Bob's other foot]
Sideshow Bob: [on the floor, grabbing his feet]
Bart: But Sideshow Bob really filled those shoes with these ugly feet!
      [removes Sideshow Bob's shoe, revealing his big, ugly feet]
The Cop:  [watching the show, eating donuts]  Kid's right.
The Other Cop: [doing the same]  How do you suppose we missed that?
-- ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Chief Wiggum (holding a donut and watching the show in his office) tells
% the two cops to go down and arrest Sideshow Bob.
%
% Outside the studio, Sideshow Bob, in handcuffs, dramatically confesses
% to his crime.  He couldn't stand being the constant victim of Krusty's
% on-screen pranks.

And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for these meddling kids.
-- Sideshow Bob, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

Treat kids like equals!  They're people too!  They're smarter than you think!
They were smart enough to catch me!
-- Sideshow Bob is carted away to jail, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Krusty is released from prison (in makeup and his stage clothes, complete
% with squeaky shoe), to great applause.  Chief Wiggum makes an apology,
% as does Homer.

I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard about what goes on in
prison are exaggerated.
-- Homer to Krusty, ``Krusty Gets Busted''

% Krusty thanks the one boy whose faith never wavered:  Bart.  The handshake
% is captured in a photo, which Bart tacks on his wall.  The picture is
% inscribed in shaky handwriting, ``To my best pal Bart, Krusty''.
% Bart goes to bed, nestled comfortable under his Krusty blanket, his
% room filled with Krusty merchandise.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time: 20:37]
===============================================================================
Episode summaries Copyright 1992 by Raymond Chen.  Not to be redistributed
in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes themselves, of course,
remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain
the property of the original authors.  I'm just taking credit for the
compilation.)