From: japg6581@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (John A. Petterchak)
Subject: Re: Amazing METS Update
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 15:40:00 GMT

chen70@wharton.upenn.edu writes:

>Bang!  Smack!  Crash!  Thump!  Crack!  Thump!  Thump, Thump, Thump...

>The preceding noises are:

>a)  a secret audiotape released by the alleged rape victim of Dwight, Vince,
>and Daryl in Dwight's apartment last spring

>b) Jim Essian's whirlwind "gopher ball" waltz through the clubhouse after
----^^^^^^^^^^  don't you mean Jim Lefebvre?  Essian was fired a long time ago.

> the lowly Phils soundly defeat the Cubbies and prematurely eject 
>superstar (NOT!) pitcher Mike Morgan and making Danny Cox(sucker) look
                                                       ^^^^^^^^^^^
Oh golly-gee,  a pre-adolescent PUN!  I'll bet Berman's going to steal that
one!!

>like a winner, which is quite tough to do.

>c)  the sounds at Busch Stadium, where the Cards (especially Agosto) were
>kind enough to pitch a little batting practice today to the MIGHTY METS.
>Donovan "I wanna go back to AA" Osbourne and Juan Agoing-Agoing-Agone Agosto
>allowed the METS to round the bases faster than the town whore.

>THE CORRECT ANSWER IS...need we even say.  If you think it's A, learn to
>read the papers, you illiterate fools! (That team lawyer we were telling you
>about is THAT good).
> 

You obviously didn't read the papers yourself.  Osborne was hurt on the
first play of the game and left shortly thereafter.  The Mets teed off on
Agosto,  who came into the game in the third.  Torre was forced to leave
Agosto in the game because he had no one else available.

>By the way, you heard it here first.  ANTHONY YOUNG will be the ROOKIE OF
>THE YEAR.  Despite suffering from control problems, lack of normal velocity, 
>and 2nd base umpire Frank Pulley's pathetic attempts to distract him, he
>was still able to pitch decently and nearly blank the quickly folding Cards.

>Surprise!  Surprise!  HOJO took the first step towards his defense of the
>NL home run crown with a popup to center field (bleachers).  JUNIOR NOBOA
>is awesome. All of a sudden, he's got New Yorkers reminiscing about another
>late bloomer boomer, a certain HOJO.  

>By the way, notice how the METS are focused on the intangibles of the game;
>the baserunning clinic they put on today won't show up in the boxscores,

Intangibles... like say DEFENSE?? Get serious!!!

>unless you're counting wins.  Sadly, the Cardinals, who have such a weakling
>lineup that they must manufacture runs themselves, could take a few tips
>from the MIGHTY METS.


This "weakling lineup" beat the "MIGHTY METS" 15-7 the other night,  and 9-2
the night before.   I guess Bret "every other year" Saberhagen and Sid
"Mr. Slim Fast" Fernandez  need to stop manufacturing runs for the opposition.

>By the way, who the h*ll are the Cardinals kidding with this rotation?
>Deleon is good, but Bryn Smith is a softie (and as deceptive as a pitching
>machine).  Osbourne was a joke today, and despite his being drafted in the
>first round, I was not impressed with him in AAA, and he is obviously

Somehow I doubt anyone who can't even get the Cubs' manager's name correct
ever saw Osborne pitch at Louisville...

>Bush League material.  Omar Olivares thinks he's pretty good, especially 
>after Saberhagen, but then I know a lot of fat Penn chicks who think the 
>same thing after waking up next to my alcoholic roommate after a night of 
>debauchery.   
>   Humbly Yours,
>          Rubahadas and A^2

We'll see.  Right now the "MIGHTY METS" are 2-2.....  Most fans wouldn't be
doing backflips over that,  but considering the miserable performance of the
'91 Mets, I guess splitting an April series is cause for celebration!!

John Petterchak
uxa.cso.uiuc.edu