Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: definations
Date: Sat, 07 Nov 1992 12:08:00

MISTAKE
 Something a virgin and a parachutist can only make once.

KLEPTOMANIAC
 A snatch thief. Greatly feared by virgins.

VIRGIN MONKEY
 A monkey that doesn't allow another monkey
 to monkey around with her monkey.

ADOLESCENCE
 Midway between childhood and adultery.

DIPLOMACY
 The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way
 that he looks forward to the trip.

A DEEP KISS
 That's when your tongue is so far down her throat that
 you can taste the nicotine on your fingers.

VIRGIN WOOL
 Wool from a sheep that could outrun the farmer.

OLDER WOMEN
 They don't swell, they don't tell and they're grateful as hell.

SLIDING ZIPPER
 The last thing a girl hears as a virgin.

HEN PARTY
 A bunch of birds clucking about who is laying whom.

RELUCTANT VIRGIN
 One who doesn't want to be one.

VIRGINITY
 A big issue over a little tissue.

DOWN AND OUT
 A gay guy who is so ugly he has to go out with girls.

SEMI-VIRGIN
 A girl who tried it once and didn't like it.

IMPATIENT VIRGIN
 The only hunter who uses herself as bait.

METALLURGIST
 A man who can take one look at a platinum blonde and
 tell whether she is virgin metal or common ore.

A LOSER IS...
 A guy that has a wet dream and wakes up next morning with V.D.

GAY RANCHERO
 A cowhand who rides sidesaddle.

OLD MAID
 One who has given up all hope of giving in.

RACIAL PREJUDICE
 A pigment of your imagination.

ECSTASY
 The feeling you get when you feel you are going
 to feel a feeling you never felt before.

UPS AND DOWNS
 What life is full of. Just ask the new bride.

PYJAMAS
 Items of clothing newlyweds place beside their bed in case of fire

PREGNANT
 Past tense of virgin.

STORK
 A bird that is frequently called to account for misdemeanors
 which should really be blamed on a lark.

OPTIMIST
 A pregnant girl who rubs vanishing cream on her tummy.

MOTHER'S DAY
 Nine months after Father's Day.

SUSPICION
 When your beautiful new wife has forty-six towels in her
 hope chest - each from a different hotel.

HYSTERECTOMY
 An operation that removes the baby carriage but
 leaves the playpen in good condition.

PREGNANT
 A woman all swelled up over her mate's handiwork.

QUADRUPLETS
 When one goes into one, one time, and there's four to carry.

SNOW JOB
 What a lover uses on a woman to defrost her.

LOVE NEST
 Where a girl who offers no resistance leads a very nice existence.

TRUE LOVE
 An injection with affection to the midsection
 from a projection, without objection.

SALESMANSHIP
 Ability to turn rape into rapture.

SUSPICION
 What you awaken in your wife when you come home
 from a trip with new sex techniques.

MALE MENOPAUSE
 Change of wife.

MISTRESS
 Something between a mister and a mattress.

ADULTERY
 Two wrong people doing the right thing.

HOMOSEXUAL
 A man's man.

LESBIAN
 A mannish depressive with illusions of gender.

WOMAN
 A life support system for a snatch.

MINUTE MAN
 A man who double-parks in front of a house of ill-repute.

PROFESSIONAL
 A girl who takes it in her head to make money.

PIMP
 Nookie bookie.

LA DOLCE VITA
 A streetwalker in Rome who believes in never letting a Dago by.

PRAM
 Last years fun on wheels, or a blunder bus.

COOK
 A man who fills tarts with cream.

AGONY
 Teeth marks on the dunny door.

PAIN
 Sliding down a forty foot razor blade using your balls for a brake.

INNOCENCE
 A woman making french letters thinking they are sleeping bags for
 white mice.

HONESTY
 A pregnant girl paying one and a half on the bus.

SUSPICION
 Bullshit in a cow paddock.

TOM CAT
 A ball bearing mouse trap.

BALL RACE
 A tom cat with a twenty yard start on the vet.

MASTURBATION
 Doing your own thing.

DINOSAUR
 Ancient fossil with a colossal tossle.

ESKIMO
 Frigid midget with a rigid digit.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
 A Communist contraceptive.

MURDERER
 An extroverted suicide.

DIVORCE
 Changing your Lay of Wife.

 * Origin: Tassie DataBank, 4 Lines, D'bridge Tasmania, 6.5 Gigs  (3:670/301)

From: David.Mutimer@f332.n632.z3.fidonet.org (David Mutimer)
Sender: acsnet@csource.oz.au