From: walter (Walter Lego)
Subject: Re: Another gem!  (on changing and being authentic)
Followup-To: soc.singles
Reply-To: nobody
Organization: Twisted Pair Inc.
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 92 20:03:59 GMT

In article <1992Apr6.061629.11656@kakwa.ucs.ualberta.ca> userisra@mts.ucs.ualberta.ca (Mark Israel) writes:
>In article <1992Apr2.222605.6113@gvl.unisys.com>, liz@gvlf9-j.gvl.unisys.com (Liz Loquacious [Bradley]) writes:
>
>> [...] we are the designers of how we will grow and change.  If something
>> we do is working for us we can decide to keep it.  If we are not quite 
>> the person that we want to be then we can change to be more who we want
>> to be, which in the end, if we're driving the change, feels more 
>> authentic.  I think many people do try to fit in so much that they will
>> change in ways which prevent their real selves from ever being 
>> expressed.  That's a horrible way, IMO, to live even if you've got a 
>> cute guy on your arm.
>>
>> You seem to have a problem with wanting to be loved for the "real me".
>> I don't use it as an excuse to avoid change in my life.  I think
>> even as I change and grow there is a "me" that is evident in how I
>> choose to change and grow.  I want that to be seen and enjoyed.  I
>> want someone to like me best when I'm my most authentic.  That doesn't
>> mean that I will let my body go to pieces cause "it's the real me" or
>> that I'd stop taking care of myself in other ways.  I do those things
>> in order to better express who I am, how I want to be seen.  That's all
>> part of being real and authentic since it's how I want to be.
>
>   Another gem!  *This* is type of posting I'd like to see more of.

Yes, most men like a posting from a woman. Let there be more of it.
Do men ever post gems on the net? I suppose not, as long as men are
picking them. But Liz, don't let Mark's comments make you want to change
into writing only such posts. It wouldn't be the real you.

>
>   Too many people seek inner peace at the expense of peace with the
>world, or peace with the world at the expense of inner peace -- and they
>end up with neither.  Liz shows how we may attain both.  And she does so
>with eloquence.

I don't think she really showed you how to attain world peace and inner peace 
and fill the hole in the ozone layer at the same time. The obvious truth that 
she mentioned is about making a change because one wants to. And a change being 
"real and authentic" because of it even if the "real you" is a chameleon. 
Surely, there is something more to it than changing because one is convinced 
of its value and causes it to happen? It all depends on who you think you 
are, doesn't it? The original question is still whether an innner resistance 
to a particular change can be part of a "real you" or could one rationalize by 
thinking up an internal motivation - the delusion that the change will
show more of my real self, because one is going to do it on his/her own terms.

If you said one has to make compromises in any change to satisfy both the 
self and the world, I'd agree. A resistance to make certain compromises is
as much "real you" as the willingness to make certain compromises. But I
agree with the spirit of the post that complaining about the effectiveness
of one's choice of compromises (or the lack of it) is not constructive even
though it might be the "real you".

>
>   (How many examples did you want, Nancy? :-) )
>

Anything to please a woman.

						Walter

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