HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ara@wam.umd.edu (Ford Prefect)
Subject: Re: Christian Joke
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Sat, 29 Aug 1992 01:35:59 GMT


>Jesus walks into an inn and throws three spikes on the counter: "Can
>you put me up for the night?"
>-- 
>Physician, bill thyself.

PPPffffffffffffffffffffffffffffrrr  HHHHHAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA  hHHHAAAA
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Haaaa haaa haaa, HHHEEEEEhEEEEEEE <gasp>

WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA
HHOooooooooooo <shit, ouch that hurts my sides !!!!!!!!!>

HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA "Put me up :-) :-) " haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa

Ohhhhh, :')  oooohhhh man, I thought I had heard them all.

thats got to be a clasic!!!!!!!!  

I had heard the Peter (sometimes Joseph) one but this was new (to me at least)

-ara (Hari Krishna to you, Hari Krishna to you,
K      Hari Krishna, Hari Krishna.....
       Hari Krishna toooooooooooooooo youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu )
sing this at the next Birthday party and see how long it takes for them
to kick you out :-)
From: yaron@anchor.as.utexas.edu (Mr. Sheffer)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Life  3.5
Date: 23 Aug 92 20:14:35 GMT
Organization: McDonald Observatory, University of Texas @ Austin

In article <"17-Aug-92.22:31:57.PDT".*.Henry_Cate_III.OSBU_North@Xerox.com> cate3.osbu_north@xerox.com writes:
>	About the business with the Reagan's and their Astronomy phase:
>		"I know the zodiac signs are divided into 12 houses; I DIDN'T
>		know that one of them was the White House."

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There wasn't any ASTRONOMY phase associated with the White House.
It was an ASTROLOGY phase!! There's quite a difference, you (should) know.

Ronny
From: gt7219a@prism.gatech.EDU (Christopher Michael Lawyer)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Lydia the Tatooed Lady
Keywords: Looking for lyrics
Date: 4 Sep 92 08:39:25 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Georgia Institute of Technology

Someone mentioned in an earlier post the 
song "Lydia the tatooed lady".  I have been
looking for the lyrics *forever*, so I would
really appreciate it if they were posted/emailed.

the manatee



Xref: sparky rec.humor:27333 soc.culture.polish:2201 alt.censorship:7256
From: jonh@david.wheaton.edu (Jonathan Hayward)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish,alt.censorship
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Date: 28 Aug 92 18:22:56 GMT
Organization: Wheaton College, IL

In article <1992Aug27.191602.29984@morrow.stanford.edu> berne@nova3.stanford.edu (Jean-Francois Berne) writes:
>Ethnic jokes ARE offensive. They upset the people ridiculed by those
>jokes. Are they really necessary? Do they develop some kind of
>addiction in the joke-teller brain?
>Why not avoid broadcasting them on the net?

I would not say that ethnic jokes are inherently offensive, so much as
something much more important: Laughing with vs. laughing at.

Although I occasionally enjoy an ethnic joke, when with friends where it is
obviously a matter of laughing with (generally jokes about my friends'
nationalities - I'm Heinz-57, and the closest I am to identifying with a single
nationality and culture is French, merely because of academic studies of French
culture and language), I have yet to electronically broadcast one.

The reason is that some people on the net will interpret an intended joke as an
intended joke.  There are, however, others who have been hurt by stereotypes
(assuming a stereotype to be accurate is sometimes easier than it would appear,
and can cause very subtle but very real damage).  To those people, a joke that
is (for example) centered around an assumption that all Poles are stupid is not
funny: it does not feel like laughing with, but laughing at.

If you have an ethnic joke to post, be aware that - even if meant as laughing
with - the joke will be deprived of its context.  As such, some people will
interpret it as it is meant, but there are others who will (justifiably) be
offended at what seems someone taking a blind stab at their nationality, who is
too much of a coward to post to soc.culture.foo.  Telling those people "Get a
life!  Can't you see that it's obviously just a joke?!?" is not an effective
way to address the concerns.

In general, I'd save ethnic jokes for situations in which it is obviously just
a joke.  If not, then posting some form of a disclaimer - "I know that members
of group x are not inherently stupid.  Please take this joke to be meant as
laughing with, and not a portrayal of reality."

Ob.joke:

An American, a Polack, and a German walk into a bar.  A Frenchman ducks.

################################################################################
# If you disagree, think I'm missing an important point, or would like me to   #
# elaborate, then by all means send me e-mail.  We probably both have          #
# something to learn from the other.                                           #
################################################################################
# "God, give me mountains # "But the greatest   # Jonathan Hayward             #
# to climb and the        # of these is love."  # Jonathan_Hayward@wheaton.edu #
# strength for climbing." # I Corinthians 13:13 # jhayward@imsa.edu            #
################################################################################
From: syspb@smartstar.com (Paul)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Clean jokes
Date: 3 Sep 92 23:56:48 GMT
Organization: none

This piece of string walks into a bar, and says "Ouch!"
He asks the bartender for a drink.  The bartender says "Hey, we don't
allow string in here.  You'll have to leave."  The string gets up
and walks out.  Later he decides to try it again.  This time he ties
himself in a knot around the middle and cuts the end of the string
by his head.  He goes back in the bar and orders a drink.  The
bartender says "Hey, are you a string?"  The string says "No,
I'm a frayed knot."
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: lharris@upei.ca (Lora Harris)
Subject: Re: Completely non-ethnic joke
Organization: University of Prince Edward Island
Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1992 19:49:26 GMT

	Wioth reference to the elephant joke - it works a bit better if you 
tell it like this 

	First of, make the couple British (English).  This is a true ethnic 
joke, exploiting their traditional reserve.  The part with his mother 
is OK as is, except it should be "Mummy" not Mah.  Then when the child is 
there with his Dad, have the child say after the "That's his tail, son" -
"No, Daddy, the OTHER thing.  I asked Mommy but she said it was nothing".  
(Pause, then in your dryest English voice, say) "Your mother's spoiled, 
son".

	It being an English-reserve joke, leave out the father's laugh and 
proud look - do it all English deadpan.  Much funnier. (IMHO, of course).


In article <2364@tymix.Tymnet.COM> filfeit@rael.Tymnet.COM (Fil Feit) writes:

>    A black couple and their son (so I lied.  But it's a funny joke,
>and, I think, not offensive to the minority in question.  Tell me
>if I'm wrong) went to the zoo.  While standing at the elephant
>exhibit, the father walks off to go buy ice cream for his son.  His
>son looks at the elephant and says to his mother, "Ma, what's that
>hanging off the elephant?"
>    His mother says, "That's his trunk."
>    The child says, "No, ma, the other thing."
>    His mother says, "Oh, that's his tail."
>    The child says, "No, ma, the _other_ thing."
>    Well, now his mother knows what he's talking about, and she gets
>all flustered and says, "Oh, son, that's nothing."
>    His father comes back, and his mother walks away to see another
>exhibit.  The boy looks at the elephant and says, "Dad, what's that
>hanging off the elephant?"
>    His father says, "That's his trunk."
>    The child says, "No, dad, the other thing."
>    His father says, "Oh, that's his tail."
>    The child says, "No, no, dad, the _other_ thing."
>    His father takes a look, laughs, and says, "Oh, that's his penis."
>    The boy says, "When I asked mom what it was, she said it was nothing."
>    The father smiles, looks proud, and says, "Son, I've spoiled your
>mother."

>--f2
>------------------------------------------
>  "Slow and steady wins the race."
>  --either Aesop or Dukakis, I can't remember which
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish
From: bob@medrcw.b17a.ingr.COM (Robert Whitehead)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Followup-To: alt.flame
Keywords: KNOCK IT OFF!
Reply-To: bob@medrcw.b17a.ingr.COM
Organization: Vulcan Science Academy Foreign Student Union
Date: Mon, 24 Aug 1992 22:17:13 GMT

In article <1992Aug20.220742.5917@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com>,
marios@ecs.comm.mot.com (mario smarduch) writes:

|> In article <1992Aug18.183738.17605@tin.monsanto.com>
bcschu@skws02.monsanto.com (Brett Schultz) writes:

|> >It was just a joke.  I really don't think that Polish have any less brain power
|> >than anyone else.

|> Brett, your statements are very offensive to me - wheather you think
|> this is a joke or not you are just simply spreading hatred and
|> insults. As a community of intellectual's this cannot be tolerated
|> on the network and you should just simply stop posting this kind 
|> of crap; keep it to yourself. ALSO THE SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR 
|> SHOULD SEE TO THIS. 

Can we all just lighten up a bit here?  The thread started in rec.humor; how
it got crossposted to soc.culture.polish I don't know.  If it starts out in
rec.humor, it's supposed to be a JOKE, not an attack on a particular ethnic
group.

If you can't take a joke, quit reading the newsgroup.
If you can't take a flame, quit spouting off.
If you can't handle your own cultural identity crises, quit asking some
SysAdmin to start censoring jokes.  the First Amendment does obtain here.

And last, but not least:

If you're including yourself in the "society of intellectuals", learn to use
a grammar and style checker.  Anyone who cannot discern between the plural
(intellectuals) and the possessive (intellectual's) or spell "whether"
correctly has no room to complain about other people's postings.

You think my opinions are offensive?  Wait 'til you hear my lawyer jokes...
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Oral Roberts, Censorship. (was Re: Polack Joke)
From: hamling@mdcbbs.com (Griff Hamlin III)
Date: 28 Aug 92 11:19:41 PDT
  <MICHAEL.92Aug21162240@albert.bu.edu> <1992Aug26.183314.2364@lsl.co.uk>
Distribution: world
Organization: M&E (Division of EDS), Cypress CA

In article <1992Aug26.183314.2364@lsl.co.uk>, snail@lsl.co.uk writes:
|> > As for offensive speech, just as one cannot successfully
|> > legislate morality, one cannot succesfully legislate good taste.
|> > Peer pressure, such as what you have exerted, does help to keep
|> > excesses of stupidity in check, regardless of one's nationality.
|> > In this country (The U.S.A.), however, stupid and offensive speech
|> > IS protected from governmental censorship by means of the 1st
|> > amendment. Is anyone willing to investigate how concerns of censorship
|> > is dealt with in internationally accesible media?
|> 
|> Mainly true, however a black rap artist (I forget his name) released an album
|> called "Cop Killer" I think. Or it had a track on the album called "Cop Killer"
|> after great pressure form the LAPD (I beleive it was the LAPD, certainly a
|> police department... I read this a week or two back in a UK music mag). So 
|> thats a first step on the road to censorship. How's about all the anti rock
|> and anti heavy metal stickers that had to be put on US records by bands like
|> WASP and SLAYER etc. Just increased sales rather than put people of buying it.

For all those interested, the artist was Ice-T and his band Body Count. He
released the song Cop Killer on his recent album. Oddly enough the album was
out for a few months before anyone noticed with moderate to low sales. Once
a police force in Texas somewhere started trying the ban it, the LAPD stepped
in as well and the album sales skyrocketed. Ice-T defended the album but
eventually requested that the song be pulled from future presses due
to personal threats against him and his family.

For more info, he is on Warner Bros. you could probably call them.
From: rdippold@cancun.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Final Analysis
Date: 4 Sep 92 18:03:58 GMT
Organization: Qualcomm, Inc., San Diego, CA

>   Please don't respond to this. I want the last word. <evil grin> 
>   At least I KNOW that Mario won't respond. He said that was his last
>   posting to this group and we all know that Mario is a man of his word.

Yes, but that word is "asshole."   And I guess I'm one for replying.
C'est la vie.

-- 
Conservative, n.:  One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.
  -- Leo C. Rosten
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: wcox@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: RE: Christian Joke
Organization: Clark University
Date: 29 AUG 92 19:39:32 GMT

In a previous article, marios@ecs.comm.mot.com (mario smarduch) wrote:
> 
> Jesus joke deleted....Just because... 
> 
>I was exactly referring to filth like this, anyone that can post
>a joke like this, I know that the person has no morals, and is
>willing to do anything to make a hit. I have heard religious jokes
>but this is cynic, calculated and out right blasphomous trying to
>degrade the suffering of Christ. I don't understand how all you
>Christians are just sitting back and allow this kind of stuff.
> 
Well, because some christians have a sense of humor, and maybe the rest of us 
heathens do as well?  This was a joke (see area name, rec.HUMOR), calculated 
to make people laugh, and while it's not a very good joke, (IMHO, of course) I 
do not see it as offensive.  If you do, I'm sure we're all very sorry.  Yes, 
some things here may be offensive.  If you can not stomach jokes like this in 
whatever taste they're in, then I suggest you not read rec.humor.


	"Christ died for our sins.  Let's not disappoint him."

						-Grace

/----------------------------------------------------------------------\
[	    It's only for a while.  I hope you understand.             ]
[ 	I never wanted this to happen, never wanted to be a man.       ]
[ 	So I hid inside my world, and took what I could find.          ]
[ 	I cried when I was lonely.  I fell down when I was blind.      ]
[								       ]
[						-Guns N' Roses         ]
\----------------------------------------------------------------------/
    Wcox@vax.clarku.edu OR Wcox@nyx.cs.du.edu OR Wcox@black.clarku.edu

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: shump@tartarus.uwa.edu.au (Scott Humphries)
Subject: Andrew (the storm)
Organization: University of Western Australia
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 05:07:02 GMT

Heard on PMFM (Perth, Western Australia) this morning:

What did one Florida coconut palm say to another?

Hang on to your nuts; there's a huge blow job coming!



---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 ,-_|\  Scott Humphries 
/     \ Second Year Computer Science/Electronic Engineering "Student"
*_.--_/ University of Western Australia
     o  
        E-mail     shump@tartarus.uwa.edu.au
        P-mail     2 Filip Way / West Swan / WA 6055 / Australia
        V-mail     +61 9 2744488
       
               "Those who can; do. Those who can't; teach" 
                        (George Bernard Shaw)
Xref: sparky rec.humor:27411 soc.culture.polish:2218 alt.censorship:7282
From: jacob@latcs1.lat.oz.au (Jacob L. Cybulski)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish,alt.censorship
Subject: Re: Polack joke (TIME TO STOP?)
Date: 31 Aug 92 07:44:42 GMT
Organization: Comp Sci, La Trobe Uni, Australia

Isn't it time to stop this unproductive bickering and abuse?  Perhaps
people would either post some jokes or have a serious discussion.
Ideally the joke people could go back to their newsgroup and
soc.culture be cultured again.

Jacob

P.S. To save the net bandwidth, do not respond to this news item!

=============================================================================
Jacob L. Cybulski,  Deputy  Director,  Amdahl  Australian  Intelligent  Tools
Programme,  Dept of  Comp Sci  &  Comp Eng,  La Trobe  University,  Bundoora,
Vic. 3083, Australia. Ph: +613 479 1270, Fax: +613 470 4915, Telex: AA 33143,
E-Mail: jacob@latcs1.lat.oz.au.                                     ... G'Day
=============================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: T-Shirt
From: Dave Mueller <BJ020000@NDSUVM1.BITNET>
Date: Thursday, 27 Aug 1992 12:39:39 CDT
Organization: North Dakota Higher Education Computer Network

How about "Computer Whiz" .. With a picture of a boy taking a leak on a
computer..

?

Dave
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish,alt.censorship
From: marios@ecs.comm.mot.com (mario smarduch)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Organization: trunking_fixed
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 22:46:35 GMT

In article <1992Aug27.164852.1876@gtephx.UUCP> forda@gtephx.UUCP (Andrew Ford @ AGCS, Phoenix, Arizona) writes:
>
>So Mario, when did you buy the net?  
>

Since I noticed fuckheads like you on the net.


>Or did God die and appoint you his successor?
>
>Where the hell do you get off telling other people what's funny?

Look you dumfuck I never said what and what is not funny  to 
other people, I only said what and what is not funny to me. But
then again how can an idiot like you understand.

>
>Get a sense of humor or get the fuck off rec.humor!


What the fuck makes you think I want to read that crap, all
I want is for brain dead idiots like you to stop posting to
soc.culture.polish group, get your fucken ass off this group.

>
>[OOOOOhhhh, a nasty word! Someone call the Thought Police and
>have me arrested!]  
>                                                       


No just tell me where you live at.


>If polock jokes offend you, then don't read posting with
>a subject line including polack!
>

Again YFI (you fucken idiot) I dont read "soc.culture.polish" for
the purposes of jokes, so why should I even tolerate any headings
about polack jokes. This Brett guy deliberately posted to this
group.

>
>If you want moderated humor, go read rec.humor.funny.
>
>AH

I couldn't careless about your dry sick humor.


I HEREBY STATE THAT THE FIRST AMMENDMENT ALLOWS ME TO CALL YOU ALL
THESE NAMES.


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jd@dickens.com (Joe Dudar)
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Date: Wed, 2 Sep 1992 14:03:09 GMT
Organization: Dickens Data Systems, Inc.

In article <BtwyIF.C34@ireq.hydro.qc.ca> beaurega@ireq.hydro.qc.ca (Denis Beauregard) writes:
>In article <1314@netxcom.netx.com> jwc@netxcom.netx.com (Jeff Comer) writes:
>>In article <1992Aug21.163522.17650@CS.ORST.EDU> pricec@prism.CS.ORST.EDU (price carl wayne) writes:
>>>What ethnic group will be doing the cleaning?
>>What ethnic food will do the feeding?
>What polytechnic folks will boo the reading?
What epileptic jokes will start the meeting?
-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joseph A. Dudar  |  Help?  He doesn't need help, he needs hindrances:  if he
jd@dickens.com   |  has to climb over enough of them, he might inadvertently
Atlanta, GA      |  fall on top of her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And of course, my opinions may not coincide with those of my employer.  TBTG
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xref: sparky rec.humor:27853 talk.bizarre:28872
From: andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,talk.bizarre
Subject: Sometimes
Date: 4 Sep 92 13:21:55 GMT
Organization: Spider Systems Limited, Edinburgh, UK.


I went to the pub last night.

Sometimes I get really mad at the attitude of some people. I mean, you get shit
faced and bump into someone. What do they do, get angry. It's the funniest thing
in the world to you (when you're pissed) Maybe pubs should have a rule which
states....."Don't be angry with anyone who bumps into you cos they are probebly
pissed"

I saw the girl after the 8th pint (I would have seen her earlier but I can't
focus properly between the 3rd and 7th pint)

She was beautiful....Longs smooth legs, slim, intelligent (takes a lot of 
practise to 'see' intelligence....I nearly died of alcohol poisoning learning)

I walked up to her. "Hi my names Andy, are you by yourself ? Can I get you a 
drink ?" I say getting the Mel Gibson 'could be dangerous, but probebly great 
fun and sensitive' grin correct.

"Bog off you fat git" Was the cool reply.

"Bum" She is intelligent.

So I look around, pretending that she was talking to someone else. Lets try and
find someone a little more un-intelligent (I don't like to call people stupid,
un-intelligent makes you sound as if you are sure) I spot a girl from Birmingham
with a thick Brummie accent. She is bound to be perfect (a Note for Americans 
Imagine a girl who dropped out of high school at 14 and you've hit on a Brummie
girl...most of the time)

"Hi babe, do you wanna have sex with me ?" (They love the sophisticated smooth
talk)

"Bog off you fat git" came the not-so-cool-but-still-not-good reply

Maybe all these girls are trying to tell me something. Perhaps it was the beans.

Hmmm

I decided that none of the girls in the pob are worth it (as you do) and start
drinking again......




-- 
|      Andy Cannon       |"Love is what seperates us from the animals"       |
| Misplaced Yorkshireman |                                                   |
|   Spider Systems Ltd   |"No, what seperates us from the animals is that we |
|  andrewc@spider.co.uk  |don't clean our own genitals with our tongue"      |
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mbrown@convex.com (Mark Brown)
Subject: Pat Robertson Quote
Summary: Pat Robertson
Keywords: Pat Robertson
Organization: CONVEX Computer Corporation, Richardson, Tx., USA
Distribution: rec
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 14:02:43 GMT
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

 Religous broadcaster Pat Robertson, who is always good for a laugh, is
actively campaigning against Iowa's proposal to put the Equal Rights
Amendment on their state constitution. Wire Reports reports he said in
a letter last month that the ERA is part of a "feminist agenda" that

"is not about equal rights for women." Instead, he wrote, "it is about a 
socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to
leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy
capitalism and become lesbians."
From: eric_gorr@coglab_psych.uoregon.edu (Eric Gorr)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Practical Jokes
Date: 31 Aug 92 23:53:52 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: University of Oregon Network Services

I am looking for some creative, but not evil (ie. the person will want to
kill you), practical jokes...

Anyone got any?
Xref: sparky rec.humor:27477 soc.culture.polish:2234 alt.censorship:7292
From: beaurega@ireq.hydro.qc.ca (Denis Beauregard)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish,alt.censorship
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Date: 31 Aug 92 21:00:12 GMT
Organization: Hydro-Quebec, Montreal, Canada

In article <1992Aug28.143248.1673@unislc.uucp> miket@unislc.UUCP (Michael Thompson,B2C04,4560) writes:
>
>Marek,  sorry, I made a false assumption that our international friends knew
>what BBs are.  A BB gun is an air powered rifle that shoots very small metal
>balls called BBs.  They are about one-eighth of an inch in diameter.  Sorry,
>I don't know what that equates to in metric measurements.
>
>Mike

Something like a TP44?  Two 22 taped (by masking tape) together.

-- 
  \_\    Denis Beauregard  *  internet:beaurega@ireq.hydro.qc.ca
 /   \   Genealogiste officiel : Beauregard/Jarret/Jarest/Vincent
J   __>  Un Quebec renouvele dans une Amerique renovee
\_.-===                                                  Opinions ? Et pis non !