From: larry@ducktales.med.ge.com (Larry Landwehr)
Newsgroups: alt.child-support
Subject: Re: Coren
Summary: Jason's Letter
Date: 8 Apr 92 14:20:02 GMT
Article-I.D.: mr.1992Apr8.142002.19128
Organization: GE Medical Systems, Magnetic Resonance

In article <1992Apr7.162557.10471@ll.mit.edu>, yasu@ll.mit.edu (Alan Yasutovich) writes:
> 
> 	The next phone call I get basically states that somebody was
> 	hurt of mad or something because I wrote "alan". Keep in mind
> 	that *NOBODY* had ever called me dad.  My daughter was too young.
> 	Next I was told, "Don't you think that 3 months is a little
> 	long before you see him again?"
> 
> 		Anyway, what's the bottom line?  I get the heave ho!
> 	10 years later these people show up and expect me to be 
> 	looking at my watch waiting for them.  I've got a life!  A
> 	good one.  But all of a sudden the rules change.  This kid
> 	is a stranger. His mother even has him officially going by
> 	her maiden name. All this is an intrusion into my life.
> 	I did my work, built my house, and have a new baby. And now I'm 
> 	supposed to divide myself for this?  Bullshit!  A family is exactly 
> 	that.  I have 3 members in mine now.  And he has his.  "Family" 
> 	involves bonding. It involves when my daughter comes in every morning
> 	to lay in bed with us. It involves when I slap her for being
> 	fresh.  It *DOES NOT* involve coming over every few weeks/months
> 	for a sleepover.  Maybe you should look at the situation in that
> 	manner.  Maybe your father just wants to be left alone.
> 
> 	And from a personal viewpoint, when I see my son, all I can
> 	see is my ex, the mistakes I've made,  the bad times, and
> 	the money that goes out every week which takes away from
> 	my family.  But that's why I play the game.  For *my*
> 	family.  I need to keep my ex happy. And if an occasionaly
> 	weekend with my son will keep hom off her back, which will
> 	keep her off *my* back, then it's a small price to pay.
 	
> 	opinion count?  I don't want to say anything blunt to my son.
> 	But he's all gung ho.  I wounder if when he sees someone he
> 	likes, in general, if he pulls the "fatal attraction" routine
> 	on them, like you seem to be inclined to.  That's what I feel
> 	like driving home to him.  Are people REQUIRED to associate
> 	with you?  Do you feel good about barging in on someone who
> 	doesn't want you around?  It irritates the shit out of me!
> 	And I generally like to be with people who want me there.


Alan,

Your ex is good at using guilt.

What if you were your son?

What if you were a young boy reaching out to a father that you
had never known?

What if your mother had prevented you from knowing your father?


My brother had a son by his first wife. After they got divorced my
brother seldom saw his son.

I took my brother's son on a walk one day. We hiked up a mountain.
It was a pretty good experience.

Jason, my brother's son, talked about that day for months (that's
what his mother told me later). I was busy with other things and
shortly after that day I moved to another town.

Ten years went by. I met Jason in a hospital where my father was
after a serious accident. I was amazed at how much he had grown.
Found out he was a pretty likable kid.

I thought about him from time to time, but we lived two hundred
miles apart. Plus I felt guilty for not going back to see him
after the mountain hike.

Two summers ago he died. Someone ran over him with a speed boat
while he was swimming. They got him to a hospital, but he just
didn't make it.

Jason was just at the age where he was getting interested in
girls. He was just about old enough to get a driver's liscense.
He was right on the edge of becoming an adult.

I sent a big bunch of flowers to his funeral - the biggest bunch
of anybody. His mother later thanked me for the flowers. Weeks later
I drove to the cemetary to try to find his grave, but I couldn't
find it.

I really regret not being more of a father to this lonely boy.

Jason, I'm sorry. This letter is for you.
--

________________________________
INET: landwehrl@med.ge.com
      larry@ducktales.med.ge.com
________________________________
From: ajs@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Alan Silverstein)
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 1992 23:29:10 GMT
Subject: Re: When the father is out of a job.
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA