From: anon-1357@twwells.com (Silver Tiger)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: First post-what to do on holidays?
Date: 5 Nov 92 18:47:45 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


ANON-Name: Silver Tiger
ANON-Mail: yes

Hello all!

This is my first post to ASAR since a year ago.  I must thank you all
for your support then, including poohbear (I think she was on at that time,
my memory fades)... Since then I've changed my alias-name, and changed my life
(or at least some attitudes about it).

I used to have a nickname here that reminded me of the bad side of my
experience, "Tequila"... now I have taken the (somewhat pretentious) name of
Silver Tiger.  I finally decided to take a name that describes how I would
like to feel, not how I did feel.  In a way, the whole situation was like
owning a tiger, the tiger being your emotions... when the tiger first appeared,
I was afraid of it.  I would order it to attack me, accidentally, and its
claws would rend my soul... but then I got help, and learned that the tiger
did obey my commands, was mine to command...and with that power, I knew
I was safe.  Now my goal is to learn how to KEEP the tiger from attacking
certain people...

I fear that metaphor may be lost on anyone but me, sometimes I babble, I hope
everyone got it...

I read "The Courage to Heal", and went thru an emergency phase (during which
I failed a class for the first time in my life), then worked thru it to
an anger phase (during which I redid the class and got close to 70%!)
I am still somewhat in the anger phase, and will be for a while, I think,
but I feel better than I have in a while...

And thank you all for the advice you gave me for last Xmas on holidays.
My parents had invited me home, but I did not want to go because they were
going to my uncle's (the perp's) place for Xmas.  At that time I was afraid,
very afraid.  You all told me that I could have fun somewhere else,
and assured me..and I thank you!  I spent the holiday at my brother's,
and did enjoy it, although I will not say that the going was easy, I didn't
have to confront the perp before I was ready. (BTW: When the perp heard
I wasn't going to come, he said, "Oh, she can bring a boyfriend with her,
if that's the problem...bastard.  Like I can deal with a relationship after
what he did.  Nozzle.)  

You too can spend a holiday away from your perp.  You deserve it.

Now I am in my angry phase, the tiger awaits my command.  If I meet my
perp at any upcoming holiday, so be it.  I love my parents (who shielded me
from him once they learned of the abuse, although we never talk about it,
so it isn't the most healthy thing, but at least they protected me somewhat),
and I WILL spend the holiday with them if I want to.  My uncle is the one
taking the risk.  So help me, if he says anything leading, I will attack him
verbally in front of whoever else is there.  I am not taking this shit anymore.
ROOOOOAAR! :):)

Anyway, I hope this helps someone..I still need healing, and I think this
group is a definite help.

Poohbear, please hang in there... I wish my tiger could protect you too!

Silver Tiger



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