From: mperron@abacus.bates.edu (Michael Perron)
Subject: Re: Mother and Laws and Wives
Organization: Bates College, Lewiston, Maine
Date: Sun, 27 Dec 1992 08:36:15 GMT


	I wrote in the past about the phenomenon of the subjects above
fighting all the time and how prevalent the problem seemed to be. 
I did not go into the reasons they are fighting because I don't want to
fight, period.  Thanks to some readers I was able to cure the problems I
had with some of their advise.  Much of my solution also came from my own
deep thoughts awareness and observations of others, especially those with
the same problem.  The following lines describe my perceptions and
reasoning for the marital bliss that can arise when people in these type
of rolls collide.

	In marriage or in any other relationship, two people have come 
together, to love each other and do for each other. Problems do exist
between certain individuals but those should not interfere with the couple 
themselves.  Whether it be mother, brother, or sister in-law, your partner
cares deeply for these people who make up theier family.  In my case my wife
and mother were always arguing.  Well I am not married to my mother so I
have to deal with my wife, (My Partner).   If this partner ..............
truly cares for you they will do for you if not they won't.  What it comes 
down to is the two of you the soc.couple,  not the inlaw who is giving them
the problem warranted or not.  You require the love and support of your
family whence you came from.  If you do not then fine, in my case as in most
I needed that support.  

	I know there are inlaw problems galore and I for one am fed up
with them.  That is why I did not address "what are they fighting about?"
I'm sorry, thanks for asking but I now know it isn't important.  Due to
these two fighting my kids hardly knew my side of the family and this dad 
admits being jealous angry, hurt etc etc...
 
	I believe that if your partner cares about you things can and will
improve.  I believe that if they hate, can't stand, or won't tolerate any 
one of your family members (in my case my wife couldn't stand my mother)
than thats a lie.   The one they cant stand is YOU! their partner.  For 
if they cared about you they would do for you. They would do their best to 
make you, happy  no one else.  Therefore I realized in my case its not
my mother the (Mother in Law) she can't stand it's me. I presented my case
and vowed to end the relationship.  To any of you out there with these inlaw
problems I suggest that you consider yourself the enemy not Grandma or
Grandpa, Uncle  Eddy or aunt Suzie.  If they care about you, you shouldn't 
be blue.  

	My christmas was spent with both of our families, and everything
went fine for us, but its a big family.  Throughout the holidays I heard
the echos of my problem ringing through my ears.  Not just family but
friends neighbors and co-workers as well.  Thank you all for your input
towards reaching my perspective and new awareness.  I hope this might help
others with INLAWS!

 There are some good psych people out there I knew it!

Merry Xmas
Mike Perron  
                          ***SIG**???

mperron@abcus.bates.edu 

 
Newsgroups: soc.couples