From: kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle)
Subject: Re: Exactly what I mean by "unattached"...
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 09:11:42 GMT

kevin@nuchat.sccsi.com (Kevin Brown) writes:

>Which, of course, is likely to be utter bullshit, inasmuch as I've had
>friends tell me that *and* "rule me out" just the same!

*laugh* "A foolish consistency..."

>Right.  This is basically what I expected, 
>though (believe it or not) there are a few good suggestions which cry
>out to be tested against the real world.

Oh?  Do tell.  With 300 articles to read after a weekend away, I
probably missed them.

>This too is an observation I've made, and it makes complete hash of the
>BS they lay at your feet when you ask them what kind of guy they want.

Yup.  If they can even answer the question.

>It amazes me sometimes that these people have no problems with such
>self-hypocrisy.  Ah, but I guess that's just the remnants of my idealism
>showing through.  :-)

You'll get used to it.  People explode all the time. 
(Oops, sorry, wrong sketch.)

>Or even telling me how I can improve [at flirting], for that matter.

At Mensa weekend events, they often have flirting workshops early on
Friday.  I have never been able to attend one, so I can't tell you the
secret ways.

>Offhand, it looks like the dating game is one where the feedback loop has
>an *extremely* low bandwidth: the only indicator you have as to whether or

Oh no, not again, as the bowl of petunias said.  Please, not this kind of
thing.  Information theory puts me right to sleep.

>Yes.  Now, the big catch to this is the "interesting people" bit.  What I
>find interesting is not at all what most women find interesting (rather
>the opposite).  

Then  you had best look in some other subset of people.  Or find
interests that more women are interested in.  Get out of your culture
and into another.  (Yes, you will probably have to change to become
more interesting to women.)

>It's not at all clear what you do with someone who *might*
>be interesting but with whom you can barely relate because they don't find
>anything you like to be interesting (and vice-versa).  

How the hell could they be interesting if you can barely relate???

>I strongly suspect that most people just ignore people like that.
>Too much trouble and all that.  But I could be wrong!

I ignore people that I can't relate to.  Too little time and all that.

>Yup.  In the real world, though, I think money is much more important than
>that.  It's not just a tiebreaker in the way the above statement implies.

Depends on the kind of woman you want to attract.  There are
apparently women for whom this doesn't matter.  More to the point,
thre are women who have discovered that when this doesn't matter (when
they achieve such a state) their relationships are better.  But by
that time they are old and stuffy. :-)

>Count how many women mention the term "financially stable" or some such

For more on this, try Warren Farrell's _Why Men Are the Way They Are_.

>think most women are going to actually pay for their dates when they
>know they don't have to, do you?

If I said that the kind of women you would be willing to date are not
able to mooch off others, they (and you) might be insulted...

>>I have always been able to converse easily even with 
>>total strangers.  But this skill has only led to one date, ever. 

>Now *this* is *most* interesting!

>If your ability to converse hasn't gotten you dates, then what *has*?

My ability to converse with total strangers has gotten me three dates,
actually.  Usually, I meet people in forums where our common interests
are known, and so (in an important sense) they are not complete
strangers.  

-- 
"Clams don't know what it's all about.  They have no heads, so they do
 not bother with that sort of thing.  By burrowing rapidly downward, 
 however, clams often outwit animals with heads.  It is surprising
 what one can do without if one has to."
 ..............................Will Cuppy, _How to Attract the Wombat_
-- 
Kiran Wagle                             <kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu>
P.O.Box 2083 Bloomington IN 47402-2083      (812) 336-7478 [8p-1a EST]
Newsgroups: soc.singles