Organization: Southeastern Louisiana University
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Date:         Wed, 6 Jan 1993 13:02:30 -0500
From:         Kevin Calmes <TMIS1692@VEGA.SELU.EDU>
Subject:      CHAT: New Song

Here is yet another anthem.  (Don't take this too seriously folks :-)

AMERITECH WHY? by Kevin Calmes (with apologies to "American Pie" by Don McLean).

(Verse 1)

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember how
That IBM used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make those users dance,
And maybe they'd be happy for a while.
But then NOTIS 5.x made me shiver,
With every project I'd deliver,
Bad news in the PROC step...
It couldn't take one JOB step.
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about how VSAM tried
But something touched me deep inside,
The day the SYSTEM DIED!
So...

(Chorus)
Why why this Ameritech why?
Drove my system to the limit and then came NOTIS oh my!
Us good ol' boys were drinkin whiskey and rye
Singing "This'll be the day that it dies,
This'll be the day that it dies."

(Verse 2)

Did you write the Book of BAL,
And do you have faith in NOTIS your pal,
If the Technical Manual tells you so?
Now do you believe in "clock and poll"?
Can GTO save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to make a program run real slow?
Well I know you're in deep with them
'Cause I saw your users jumpin' off the rim
You all kicked off your shoes
Man, I dig those NOTIS-L News
I was a rompin' stompin' broncin' buck
With a CICS transaction on VTAM truck
But I knew that I was out of luck
The day the system died
I started singing...

<Chorus>

(Verse 3)

Now for ten years we've been on our own
And Ameritech grows fat from our stressed out bones
But that's not how it used to be
When the MVS SIG sang for the King and Queen
With some JCL borrowed from VSE
And a voice that came from you and me
Oh, and while the King was looking down
that UNIX stole his thorny crown
The meeting was adjourned,
No new release was returned.
And while I was looking in CICS Manual #SC33,
The TECH1 practiced writing "C"
And we drank Chivas in the dark
The day the system died.
We were singing...

<Chorus>

I met a user who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to where the data is stored
Where I'd programmed the system 10 years or more
But the man there said the system wouldn't be up today
And in the streets the users screamed
The programmers cried and the salesmen dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The indexes all were broken
And the three routines I admire the least
The Compiler, Linker and the JCL beast,
They bought the farm up in the East
The day the system died
And they were singing...

<Chorus (2x)>

Kevin

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*  Kevin Calmes                           Internet: TMIS1692@SELU.EDU         *
*  IBM Systems Manager                    IP#       147.174.1.5               *
*  Computing Services - MIS               Voice:    (504) 549-3645            *
*  Southeastern Louisiana University      Fax:      (504) 549-5092            *
*  Box 409 SLU Station                    IBM 4361-M5  DOS/VSE/SP 3.1.2       *
*  Hammond, LA  70402   USA               VTAM 3.1  CICS 1.7  VSE/POWER 2.3   *
*                                         NOTIS 4.6.1  GTO 3.0                *
*  "S'cuse me while I kiss the sky"       Location: 30.30.15N  90.27.40W      *
*                     Jimi Hendrix                                            *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU