Newsgroups: bit.listserv.allmusic
Date:         Tue, 5 Jan 1993 13:08:56 EDT
From:         PRESTON@MOREKYPR.BITNET
Subject:      Da 1992 Allmusic Awards

>Date:         Sat, 2 Jan 1993 14:08:12 CST
>From:         El Chahuistli <U33963@UICVM.BITNET>
>Subject:      1992 Allmusic Awards Nominations

>It's time for nominations of Allmusic's 1992 awards.  Here are categories.

  Hey, ya bum!  We did this once before *without* yer help, thank you
very much (nothing personal, Renato... just keeping a frothy spit-shine
on my pit bull image, dontcha know)!  But I'll play along... THIS time
(man, do I love throwing myself into a part, or what?).  ;)

>1. Rising star or revelation of the year.

  Ah, a two-parter right off the bat. My nomination for Rising Star
Award has to go to Ilia (and please, hold all the Tom Clancy jokes until
I've gone to bed, okay?). The Allmusic Revelation Of 1992?  Genetics
researchers at SUNY-Binghamton have successfully isolated the Ruxpig
gene. Unfortunately they failed to observe proper biohazard isolation
protocol.

>2. Wittiest poster.  (Rolling on the Floor Laughing Prize)

  This one's really tough... a toss-up really, but since I'm going
to name one of the contestants as a winner in a later (and perhaps
more prestigious) catagory, I'll go with Rick McRae on this one.
True genius. In fact, I'll be sending his dossier to Letterman, if
CBS should win their bid; he'll be looking for new writers, and Rick
could fill the bill.
  But somehow I know there will never be one to top the story from
the guy who took his pal to see the Butthole Surfers, who then got
stage-dived on top of by the lead singer, who was wearing a flaming
bathrobe at the time. Does anyone remember that one?

>3. Most consistent initiator & promoter of dialogue. (Threadmaker Award)

  That sure wouldn't be me this past year -- my jumpstart attempts have
been failing miserably. Hell, I've even been considering a switch back
to live bait!  I would have to hand this one to the man with the three
identical initials, like so many before me: Mr. Masuda (hey buddy, is
that your real name? -- remember, pit bull, pit bull).

>4. Funkiest poster.

  After the Urban Ambience review, could there be any doubt?  Has to
be Ms. Kovitz (and a runner-up to the Rising Star Award, dontchaknow).

>5. Nastiest poster (Painful Plague Prize)

  On the advice of my attorney, I take the fifth... twice, even!  Skoal!

>6. Friendliest and kindest Allmusicker.

  Again, there can be little doubt: Marco Olivotto (who also won my own
catagory, "Big Ideals And Balls To Match" for successfully bringing the
TNR CD to full-realization *without* backing from The Biz). Marco goes
in my Allmusic Fambily Photo Album, no doubt.

>7. Clueless poster award. (Frippie Prize)

  Shit, if I kicked this guy while he was down, there'd be enough ash
in the air to choke the whole room!  Even pit bulls know mercy -- it's
what separates us from the sharks (well, that and some fur, etc.).

>8. Grossest musical mistake in a post.  (Ignoramus Prize, aka Renato Barahona
>Award for misattribution of _Ionisation_)

  Shit, if I kicked this guy while he was down... oh, already did that
number.

>9. Most original review of a tape, album or CD.

  Mr. Megaphone has truly gone out of his way to provide us with the
straight line on his many, many, many purchases in 1992 (hey Beer, I'm
beginning to think you're not keeping up with the Levinses on musical
expenditures... better go see your broker), and done a fine, fine job
to boot. Likewise Mr. McIntyre (conspiciously absent from the Holdsworth
list in 1992) has put his good credit rating to the test to bring us
illuminating glimpses (hah... I bet you thought I could get through a
142-liner without the word "glimpses"; well I fooled *your* ass) into
progressive rock's creme-de-la-creme. Then again, Ms. Kovitz has
provided many acidic daydreams worth the label of "unique"... hey, call
this one a four-way tie (shhhh!).  :)

>10. Sexiest poster.  (Libby Doe Prize)

  Who was there to run against in this catagory??  ;)

>11. Most playful poster.

  MRS. Steele, who suggested a unique exercise for a musical problem
I was having (which has worked out, and solved two problems simultaneously,
I might add).  ;)

>12. Best Allmusic flamer.

  Well, I've seen the returns on this one, and I just have to say --
I want a recount!  Anyone who thinks *I'm* the merciless one amongst us
just hasn't been paying attention!  Where I go for the maiming, possibly
long-festering flesh wound, Top Ten Tim (Johnson, for you clueless,
outside-the-clique newbies) fires .38 slugs in both eye sockets!  How
could anyone miss that kind of bloodshed (go get 'em, Roof!)?  :)  Stay
on his good side, folks -- he knows where *you* live!

>13. Most astonishing confession or personal revelation.

  Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm.

>14. Strangest Allmusic post.

  Just about any posting that has something to do with music.  :)  No,
actually I must extend my congratulations to each and every one of you
for making 1992 a banner year for OMC. I think I swam against the
current more than most.

>15. Classiest Allmusicker.

  Classiest?  Da Beer, of course. He's got *staff*, y'know. That's
*class*!

>16. Most dazzling all-around poster.

  Stop me if you've heard this one before, but... yeah, Bloomolopolis
has got this one. It may be word association coming into play here...
dazzling, stunning... yeah, stunning. I'm constantly stunned at what
this guy manages to pull out of his guitar case. But it's still hard
to believe he doesn't have a Resnicoff story to tell. Relax, Bloomoid --
it's just a check swing.  ;)

>17. Keeper of the Allmusic flame award.  (To the person who epitomizes
>the spirit & ideals -- whatever they might be -- of the list.  This is the
>highest honor that can be accorded an Allmusicker.)

  The one, the only (drum roll): John McIntyre. Without question.
Anyone who can refrain from spitting on all of the contemptable spew
that goes on around here and *still* manages to post more than once
a week deserves more than high honors -- he deserves a vacation!  ;)
Forever may he reign, King John.

  Jeff ("n.n.")
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