From: sbecker@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Anon Posting: Response to Ed
Date: 23 Jan 93 01:33:46 CST
Organization: University of Kansas Academic Computing Services

In article <1993Jan21.211345.22863@unislc.uucp>, erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:
> Richard M. Romanowski (rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu) wrote:
> 
> : 	You are strong enough, right now, to blow off your anon-address,
> : to post from your regular account.  You are strong enough to tell anybody
> : who might be interested that you are a survivor, but you frankly don't
> : give a good God damn who knows or doesn't know.  You are strong enough,
> : all by yourself.    
> 
<stuff deleted>
> 
> I haven't gone anon, because I don't really *care* who knows that I am a
> survivor.  Someone once had threatened to send my "Ed's Abuse" posting to my
> postmaster if I didn't acquiesce to their demands.  I laughed at them - told
> 'em "hey, go for it!".  Wouldn't embarass *me* - and that leads me to the
> question of why would *anyone* be embarassed at beign a survivor?  I mean, if
> you get into a auto accident and spend time in the hospital, everyone tends
> to find out about it - it isn't kept a secret - and sends you flowers, calls
> you up to see how you're doing, etc.  It isn't a stigma to be hurt or in pain.
> But some have bought into the illusion that if they have been raped or
> brutalized that that is something to be ashamed of.  There is no shame in
> having been forced into doing something - even if the force being used is
> purely psychological.
> 


Embarrassment/shame is only *one* reason why a survivor might choose to
post anonymously.  For those of us who were victims of childhood sexual
abuse, our patterns of acting-out and our weak boundaries make us very
subceptible to future abuse.  One way to protect ourselves from being
preyed upon by perps and sickos who read this group is to post anonymously.

Also, although we may not personally feel ashamed of our survivor status,
we may be in a position in which that information, if revealed, could hurt
us--professional reputation for instance,since others not educated on sexual
abuse might view us as "impaired"--or our families, if we haven't
revealed the abuse to them, etcetera.

Since your abuse occurred as an adult within an SO relationship, your
lack of shame/embarrassment and your decision to post using your own
name makes sense--makes sense *for you*.  Assuming that all others who
use anonymous handles are shame-bound or embarrassed is an overgeneralization
which isn't particularly sensitive to the various types of abuse we suffer
and their after effects in our lives.

In any case, we all have the right to choose what's best for us based on *where
we are at any given moment*.  It's ratherintrusive and not particularly helpful
for you <or anyone else> to tell us what's right  or what's best based on
some arbitrary standard or rational principle.  Being told what we "ought to
do" is pretty codependent, controlling behavior. . .and in the end it does
no one much good.

It might've been enough if you'd simply posted why *you* chose to be non-anon,
rather setting up your choice as the correct, standard behavior we should all
follow, or would follow if we weren't too "embarrassed."  Sticking to
experience is a much more empowering mode, at least IMO, and it doesn't
minimize or invalidate the choices we make.

No real flame intended here, BTW, Ed, more of a "correction."  The "being told 
what to do thing" just pushes my buttons. I hope you aren't offended.

Sarah


> -- 
> Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
> 1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
> full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
> and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler