From: artn@bert.eecs.uic.edu (Ellyn Sandor)
Subject: PRO-smoker's peeves
Keywords: Tobacco Nicotine
Organization: University of Illinois at Chicago
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 18:19:01 GMT

	This thread is for those who, for whatever reasons that you
may or may not agree with, have decided or been forced at gunpoint
to take up the {insert adjective} habit of burning leaves and sucking
the subsequent smoke deeply into our lungs for a refreshing little
snack.  If this does not apply to you, go away.
	I'm waiting...
	OK, they're gone.

Peeve:  Militant Ex-Smokers.  Oh my god!  When will they fucking learn!
	You're in an innocent place, sitting around, sparking up.
	Someone who used to smoke passes by and decides that they have
	to change your mind RIGHT NOW!  There is a professor at this
	university where I have been studenting, working, whatevering
	for a good 8 years or so.  About once every 4 months he passes
	by where I am waiting for a (dinosaur, 9-track) tape to finish
	writing.  I've never had a class with him, we've never been
	introduced, but by gosh, he's got to be the personally assigned
	protector of my lungs.
	What makes them think whining at us is going to do any good?
	Does you memory collapse when you give up smoking?
	Non-smokers aren't so bad.  Some can be jerks, but they usually
	have the simple attitude "no thanks, and please do it somewhere
	else."  No biggie, I understand.  But ex-smokers just can't keep
	it to themselves.  DEATH to them!

!Peeve:	On one occasion, I was at the King's Manor with some friends,
	a sort of food+bad mideaval (sp?) style entertainment.  We were
	sitting in the smoking section.  All seating is in long benches.
	A total stranger next to me picked up my pack and said: "Did you
	know that everytime you have a cigarette, it takes seven minutes
	off your life?"  To which I replied "Did you know that every time
	you say that to a smoker, you this much closer to having your 
	fucking head ripped off?"

Peeve:	Lighting the wrong end of a cigarette.
!Peeve:	After lighting the wrong end of a cigarette, the synthetic fibers
	of the filter are sort of melted together at the end, forming a
	solid plasticoid cap attached to the rest of the filter.  By 
	gripping the cap in question with the fingernails, the entire
	filter can be pulled out in a single piece from the paper shell,
	and provides minutes of amusement.

Peeve:	Places that don't have your brand.  Now, if you smoke an off-brand,
	I understand.  But WHY would a store run out of Marloboro Light?
	It must be the second or third most popular brand in the world.

Peeve:	Soft pack.  Why does anyone like the soft pack?  The only person
	I've ever met who had any excuse for soft pack said it didn't
	bulge obviously out of her small purse, so her parents wouldn't
	know.  Kind of a slim reason.  Why do they even make soft pack
	anymore?

Peeve:	My wife, in the morning.  She's as big a nicotine fiend as I am,
	but in the mornings, she seems to deny this fact, and won't light
	up.  And won't let me do so in the apartment, either, so I have to
	go out in the stairwell.
	This wouldn't be so bad, except any real smoker is a total asshole in
	the morning until their first cigarette.  I am aware of this fact,
	and whether I feel like it or not (and usually I do), I get my
	nicotine level up first thing, so I can deal with people.  Not her!
	Which means I have to shut up and stay out of her way.  I wish I
	could just slap a nicotine patch on her arm some mornings....

Peeve:	Making reservations for a smoking table at a restaurant and being
	told when you get there that they don't have one, or you'll have to
	wait a half hour.

!Peeve:	Davidoffs & English Ovals
Peeve:	$5.00/pack for Davidoffs
Peeve:	$3.30/pack for smokes at the grocery store! (local price at most
	stores is $2.25-$2.50, with some under $2)
Peeve:	Going out drinking, which makes you smoke more, so you feel like
	shit the next day, hangover or not.

Peeve:	My old dentist, who would chastize me for smoking which (as we
	know) screws up your teeth and gums.  I am aware of the problem,
	buddy!  You are a highly paid janitor who works in my mouth
	instead of in my bathroom.  Dentists were dumb enough to invent
	or discover things like flouride to put themselves mostly out of
	business, so now you have to make your money off of crowns,
	caps, braces, and optional aesthetic improvements.  I am here to
	get my teeth cleaned, not to have a morality lesson.  I finally
	dumped him after I got my wisdom teeth out, and after he performed
	the "for $25 I will pretend to examine you after the cleaning."
	and proceeded to ask me "so, did you get your wisdom teeth out
	yet?"  Excuse me?  You just 'examined' me!  You're supposed to
	notice these things.  He also called me "Chief" or was it "Sport"?
Peeve:	Not having time or money to get a new dentist.

Peeve:	Car ashtrays you can't reach while you're driving.  I prefer a
	window, anyway, but having the option would be nice, without
	having to take my eyes off the road.

I guess that's enough for now.

			Stephan
-- 
--
Stephan Meyers | artn@uicbert.eecs.uic.edu
(Art)^n Laboratories, inventors of the Stealth Negative PHSCologram
(312) 567-3762
Newsgroups: alt.peeves,alt.tasteless