From: tstil@Auspex.COM (Tim Stilwell)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.thai
Subject: WANTED: Temporary Thai Wife
Date: 27 Jan 93 03:19:42 GMT
Organization: Auspex Systems, Santa Clara


 Sawasdee Khrup Tuk Kon

 My wife is still in Thailand and I miss her already.  She was unable to return
 with me because of some small matter regarding immigration laws.  Anyway, I
 appreciate all of the wonderful things she has done for me and I was wondering
 if someone would be willing to substitute for her until she is able to come.

 I remember my friend Bill married a Korean woman.  When she went to visit
 her sister for 2 weeks, she had two friends visit everyday to care for Bill.
 One woman cleaned the house and washed his clothes daily.  The other woman
 cooked all 3 meals.  Believe it or not!  I just happened to stop by on a
 Saturday to see if Bill wanted to play catch with a baseball and noticed
 the change of scenery and got his explanation as well as a free lunch.  :-)

 Anyway, I am joking about the temporary wife.  Really!  :-)
 I just wanted to point out the difference in treatment and ask if anybody
 knows if I can continue to expect this high level of service or should I
 wake up now?  (the honeymoon is over)

 Picture this:

 A boy has not had a mother since age 6.  He has been cooking for himself
 and caring for himself since age 19.  He is now age 28.  He is American
 (independent)

 He goes to visit his fiancee.  After discussing the dowry, her mother
 allows him to stay at the family home.  The fiancee unpacks all of his
 clothes and hides them in various closets.  All future dirty clothes
 also mysterious vanish (to be cleaned, ironed and presented later).

 Suppose he showers and wants to change into clean clothes?  Can he find
 his clothes and select some to wear?  Would you search through someone
 else's closets looking for your clothes?  Rude by American standards,
 so instead he waits and requests clean clothes.  The fiancee selects
 specific clothes and recommends them.  She even says, "Wait, this needs
 to be ironed first."  He doesn't even have to help wash them.  :-)
 Could he obtain better treatment from a 5 star hotel?  Probably not.
 Would he be just as uncomfortable?  Yes.  Why?  Because Americans are
 used to doing things by themselves and for themselves.  This boy just
 sacrificed the freedom to chose his own clothes and to know where
 they are (in case he wants to look at them) and to clean them (maybe
 she won't do as good a job).  Definitely different!  American girls
 would say, "You may put your clothes over there.  Here is the iron if
 you need to use it.  You can wash your clothes in that room there or
 you can visit the Dry Cleaner's down the street.  They charge $0.75/shirt."

 Suppose he is hungry.  Would you search through someone else's kitchen
 or refrigerator and select some food to eat?  Rude by American standards,
 even if she told you it was ok.  Still rude.  The fiancee or her mother
 purchases all food and prepares all meals.  She and her sisters regularly
 check up on him during the meal and continue to fill his plate and glass, 
 "Pi Tim, would you like more of this?"  Uncomfortable yes.  Is life
 difficult when 2 or more women are constantly staring at his face to see
 if he is content or needs anything?  Yes.  Why?  Because Americans are
 not used to all this attention.  This boy just sacrificed the freedom
 to choose the foods he wants and to eat only as much as he wants.  "Pi
 Tim, finish your plate."  It is hard to think when you are constantly
 under observation.  Definitely different!  American girls would
 say, "Help yourself." or "The store is in that direction." or "Hurry up!
 and clear the table when you finish."

 Suppose he wants a snack or is thirsty.  So he says, "Honey, I am
 thirsty."  She is busy talking with friends or cleaning or working.  Does
 she say, "There's fresh cold water (or soda) in the refrigerator."?  No.
 Does she say, "Sorry, we don't have anything.  You will have to go to the
 store."?  No.  She tells him to sit down and relax, then drops everything  
 and goes to get it and pour it into a glass in front of him.  If she is
 real busy, she commands another sister or the youngest brother to go and
 perform the task.  Uncomfortable.  Yes.  Why?  Am I a king with servants?
 No.  Americans believe in democracy.  Democracy is more than just free
 elections.  It is EQUALITY!  Thailand will never ever have democracy
 because Thais do NOT believe in equality.  You cannot have equality if
 you have servants or a caste system.  If you do, then it is NOT democracy.
 It is British living.  (just teasing Khun Laurence :-)  Thais concerned
 about democracy should really study in Great Britain not in America.

 Anyway, are they treating me extra nice or as we say in America, am I
 getting away with murder?  Or is this "normal" Thai behavior?

 Your comments are appreciated.

 tim