From: jittlov@gumby.cs.caltech.edu (Mike Jittlov)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.mike-jittlov
Subject: Kelly Freas WIZARD Posters - Revised Sale
Date: 17 Dec 1992 15:40:25 GMT
Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena
NNTP-Posting-Host: gumby.cs.caltech.edu
Summary: Yes! Wizard Movie Posters still available!
Keywords: Kelly Freas, movie posters, Wizard, shameless pitch


        THE INCREDIBLY COLORFUL AND PERSONALLY AUTOGRAPHED
                    FRANK KELLY FREAS POSTERS
                              OF
                  THE WIZARD OF SPEED AND TIME!

(Our story to date:)

Well, before you could say "Restraining Order", the e.b.p. then
vanished with all our office equipment, video machines, supplies
and records, without a forwarding address.  The only thing left
behind was the small, unwieldy pile of these posters - the last of
the already small 4,000 print-run.  Many of these survivors were
bent, torn, scored or otherwise damaged.  But not all of them...


                 INSERT: SHAMELESS AD for POSTERS
------------------------------------------------------------------

I have saved the perfect ones, and culled out any printing errors.
These are the same posters that we sold at WorldCon 1984, and they
are still in brilliant mint condition.

They are FAR from your dime-a-dozen, ordinary, commercial, tissue
-thin, theatrical one-sheets (the ones that crazed collectors are
paying Big $$$$ for)!  THESE are all lithograph-printed on heavy
duty 80-lb. Nova-coat gloss cover-stock!  And they will endure.

They are rare.  They are the original.  They are the last of their
kind.  (Jeeze - can I identify with that..)  Suitable for framing.

And they are STILL a measily $25!  Not available in stores!  Not
on TV!  Nor anywhere else!!  Some people are already reselling
them for $100!  That's insane!  Buy them from the Source, & save!!

Act now (like, while I'm still alive) and you can even get my
legendary personalized 20-minute autograph for FREE - and without
waiting in a 5-hour sci-fi convention line!


          AUTOGRAPHS and SIGNED EDITIONS - the DETAILS

Unlike most other movie-star-director-screenwriter-producer-editor
-animator-inflated-ego types, MY signature is actually LEGIBLE.
Unlike most busy Hollywood moguls (Walt Disney), my signature is
actually REAL!  Furthermore, it can be ornately calligraphied in
gold ink (in a subliminal-free space) (I think) and PERSONALIZED!

But I have changed the RULES.  (But not much, so don't flame me.)
You no longer HAVE to have the poster personally dedicated.  I've
caved in to fervent demand, and now present a plethora of choices:

                      -*$ PERSONALIZED $*-

Yes - you can have it dedicated To You, Yours, To One You Desire,
To Theirs, Whoever, Whatever (G-rated, please), and with a short
object of the prepostion.  The sig-phrase below (from the movie's
birthday song) is a favorite - as is "Nothing Stops the Creative
Spirit" (the subliminal seen on a single frame in the WIZ RUN,
where the Wall comes down).  Remember - Less is More.

                     -*& SIGNATURE ONLY &*-

I have received numerous requests for posters with JUST my name,
and no dedication.  (Gosh, Mr. Dealer, are YOU the one reselling
them for $120?)  Like, this is a supremely valuable, singularily
unique event, and a stylized signature can't be forged.  (And if
you believe that, I have this Bible autographed by the Holy Spirit,
in glow-in-the-dark ink!)  But I am limiting it to one "signature
only" poster per tube; any such extras ordered will be mailed out
unsigned and pristine.
                        -*@ VIRGIN @*-

Contrary to the laws of nature, Virgins are EASY!  I don't have to
do a thing - no signing, no thinking - just lay them, roll them &
send them (...let me rephrase that... nahhh).  And yet they still
cost the same as non-Virgins - $25 each (there is a lesson here).
It's pure Freasian Art, and no limit on your order (within reason,
and so long as tube, postage, and checks are sufficient).

                   -+# NUMBERED EDITION #+-

This scam applies to any and all of the above.  Since signed and
numbered editions of Poster Art are in such hot demand, and since
you asked, then YES - I will personally place a NUMBER of your
choosing in the lower left (or right) corner!  Fat Lot of Good it
will do, but anything to keep some people rich and happy.  (If you
have already received a poster, and are in despair that it is not
a Numbered Edition, simply get a Pilot Gold Marker - and write in
whatever number you want!  Amaze your friends, confuse your foes!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CRAZY WIZARD GOES INSANE!! We're clearin'em out to the bare walls!!

 -*- What to DO -*- What to DO -*- What to DO -*- What to DO -*-

A) Send to me money, $25 American per poster (checks are okay; but
   US Postal Money Orders are best, & don't need "clearing time"); 
B) Send to me a poster tube, 2-3 feet long, at least 2" in diameter
   and of very sturdy nature, as the USPO does crush these things
   (NOTE: I cannot guarantee safe mailing; if you send a $2 tube,
   there is a good chance your investment will be ruined; be not
   penny-wise and dollar-foolish, get thee to an art supply or
   hardware store and buy a reliably strong tube ($6-$12 +tax)
   - which will live on for many other uses);
C) Send to me sufficient return postage (usually $2.90 for the US),
   in US stamps (no machine-stamps, LA's PO won't accept them);
D) Enclose a return-label with Your LEGIBLE name and address;
E) Enclose LEGIBLE preferences for the signature/dedication; 
F) OR - Pick it up personally at the Wiz-House for $25 in cash,
   and forget steps A) through D).

If you send a letter or anything you want responded to or returned
(no scripts please, I have lots of my own) - kindly enclose a self
-addressed-stamped-envelope/mailer, and your patience (cuz it's just
me, here - no secretary, staff, or funding).  (INSERT violin solo)


                   (Let's see...what else..?)

I am not selling any of my Shapiro Glickenhaus Ent Inc posters.  Yet.
I prefer to wait until that company goes physically bankrupt, first,
and the principle devils are hurled into the hottest region of their
appropriate hereafter, to be cursed with eternal gas attacks.  };>


            -*#!  FURTHERMORE and IN CONCLUSION  !#*-

I have received numerous email messages from Certain People who just
don't have the time to find and buy a poster tube - and want to send
me $2 to buy one for them, and maybe some stamps, and a nice label.

Well, SHUCKY DARNS.      >MumbleGrumbleSnarlClenchSnortHarumph<

Please understand, that I am using up my story/script-writing and
creative time on this; that EACH poster sale ultimately costs me
over two hours of reading, replying, then re-replying, preparing,
signing, re-signing (when my special pen drops a golden glop over a
lengthy dedication), care & handling, then bicycling to the bank,
standing in line, check cashing, bicycling from the bank to the post
office, more standing in line, hoping-to-ghod my bike's tires haven't
been slashed, and getting back home before the evening gunfire begins.

This really is not what I want to do with my life.  I should be making
movies.  Making a tangible income.  Getting the heck out of this city
and getting a preferred reality.  Get these posters while you can, and
help me to help you.

For non-USA Poster-orders from Down Under, Up Above, and Over There...  
I understand the hardship, and I will buy the materials at cost.  But
you must enclose full payment in US dollars (because people still
believe these Greenback$ are worth something) to cover the following:
poster ($25 each), strong tube ($8), and postage (currently $3.72 to
Canada, $6.97 to Europe, $9.37 to Australia/NZ).  (It helps to send
$10 extra - and I will return your change, in US$.)

_________________________________________ ___._`.*.'_._ ________
 Mike Jittlov - Wizard, etc        .   . +  * .o   o.* `.`. +.  
  902 North Maltman Avenue        '   *  . ' ' |\^/|  `. * .  *
  Hollywood, CA 90026-2714     (: May All Your  \V/  Good Dreams
(213) N0-Human (noon to moon)  and Fine Wishes  /_\  Come True:)
============================================== _/ \_ ===========

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