From: auer@cs.swarthmore.edu (David S. Auer)
Subject: Gory oracularity
Reply-To: auer@cs.swarthmore.edu (David S. Auer)
Organization: Computer Science, Swarthmore College, PA, USA
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 06:54:58 GMT

I understand full well why the priesthood did not post this.  I felt it was
good enough however to post up here as most of the friends I showed it to
laughed once or twice.

I don't know how to rot13, so if you are of timid heart, hit 'n' now.








The Usenet Oracle requires an answer to this question!

> O' Great and Wonderous Oracle, who surpasses even Deep Thought itself...
> 
> If a plane crashed on the border of the U.S. and Canada, where would
> you bury the survivors, no matter how unwilling they are to be buried
> at the time?
> 
> The Darkness.

The principle issue here is one of nationality.  Here are the proper sites
given the following nationality:

Canadian: Canada.
United Sates: U.S.
Dual citizen of U.S. and Canada: Niagara Falls in a bucket.
Mexican: Does not matter where if NAFTA passes.
Quebeckian: Canada, it's still all one country, screams and crying during the
burial notwithstanding.
Californian: San Diego Zoo in the primate house.  California is _not_ part of
the United States.
Washingtonian: Don't bother; Helena already took care of this undertaking
herself a few years back.
U.S. minor: The school system; we can't afford to hire professionals.
Roman: In a mound of ill-thought out ordinances, or in a stained-glass
cathedral with rubies inset upon the cask.
Jews: Treblinka.
Bosnians: Serajevo.
Transylvanians: It does not matter so much where, but remember to use a
wooden stake.
Palestinians: Lebanon.
Lebanese: Beirut.
Israelis: The Scylla and Charybdis of Islamic fundamentalist threats and
world opinion.
Chernobylites: Need I say more?
Muscovites: If you are Lenin Red Square, if you aren't red tape.
Venetians: Read the _Casque_of_Montecristo_ for inspiration.
Titans: Mount Etna.
Boers: The shambles of apartheid.
Apparatchitniks: No, not the shambles of communism, but rather the boardrooms
of the shambles of new republics.
Republicans: The shambles of trickle-down economic theory.
Democrats: The shambles of trickle-down economic theory.
Scots: At sea, which is thick enough right now so as to pass for earth.
Cambodians: The U.N. peace plan; the Khmer Rouge are kind enough to serve as
morticians and grave diggers.
Hong Kong: Mainland China.
Taiwanese: Mainland China.
Tibetans: Mainland China.
Mongolians: Mainland China.
Ryukans: Notice a trend?
Kurds: Depends who you ask -- Iraqi, Iranian, Turk, Syrian, Armenian, Russian,
American, or Brit.  Each has his ideas, none will answer the question
Kurdistan.
Egyptian: Chafre, or the Sarasota Museum, take your pick.
Long Islander: Esposito's garage.  You thought the transgengerist in _Silence_
_of_the_Lambs_ was spooky.
Aldebaran: Hutt, but be sure you lock the refridgerator door real tight,
'cause those rebels got the force on their side.
Bombayan: The streets, nobody will notice.
New Mexican: Better make the bunker deeper than you thought, that fat man's
radioactive.

The Oracles Fee:
  A pint of blood.  (The oracle's nationality is transylvanian.)

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d