Newsgroups: misc.kids,alt.parents-teens,soc.women,soc.men
Subject: Survey - are women dependent on men?
From: teresa@ariel.ccit.arizona.edu (Teresa L. Gergen)
Date: 14 Apr 92 14:23:26 MST
Distribution: usa,local

                Survey:  Are women dependent on men?

                Please read the following text and then
                answer the survey questions which follow.
                EMAIL to teresa@ariel.ccit.arizona.edu

Traditionally American women have played the roles of wife, mother, and
homemaker.  These roles are not autonomous; a wife depends on a husband,
a mother complements a father, and a homemaker needs a provider.

Some women in American today do not marry (or do not remarry) and do not
play the role of wife.  Some women play the role of wife, but not mother,
or are mothers, but not wives.  Some women are both homemakers and providers
for their own home and family.

It seems fair to say that some modern American women have proven that it
is not necessary for women, here and now, to depend on men (economically,
emotionally, etc.)  A woman no longer needs a man to fulfill his part in the
division of labor.  Furthermore, women who have aimed for self-sufficiency and
independence often feel a great sense of satisfaction upon achieving their
goals.  A "modern" woman married to a "traditional" man may complain that her
husband just contributes more work for her, without providing a fair share of
effort toward the family.

The problem with this theory is that most women don't realize that they can
support themselves.  Once they have ignored educational and training oppor-
tunities, and especially after they have had children -- in, sum, once they
have depended on men -- it becomes more difficult for women to learn self-
sufficiency.  If they do so, they may feel that they are being _forced_ to
accept a role that they shouldn't have to accept.

This situation arises from two factors:  how modern American girls
are socialized in childhood, and how modern American boys are socialized.

Girls watch television that still stresses traditional roles for females.
Women are often portrayed, especially in commercials, as lacking common
sense.  Girls are exposed to constant feedback about how they must make
themselves attractive to boys - commercials and ads for makeup and hose, teen
magazines, and the pervasive emphasis on fitness and being thin.  Children's
animated movies still center on a beautiful girl getting her prince (e.g.,
_The_Little_Mermaid_), and even when girls shown as learning-oriented and
independent (e.g. _Beauty_And_The_Beast_), they are still nurturant, and the
ultimate goal is to find the right man and live happily ever after.  Girls
play with dolls, especially Barbie dolls; while some parents are refusing
to buy them for their children, odds are that they will still be exposed
to them at the houses of friends or in daycare settings.  Does Barbie become
a successful, independent business woman?  Is she a college student?  A
college professor?  Perhaps, but sooner or later, and probably sooner, she
has an elaborate wedding and then has children.  No matter what else our
girls aspire to, most of them still believe that at some point they will
marry, and many of these also believe that when women grow up they are supposed
to have children.

Boys are socialized differently because they are exposed to the same material  
-- from the opposite point of view.  They internalize that women are less
intelligent, or that women are supposed to look nice for men, or that men
are necessarily the head of a family.  When boys play with dolls, they will
"be" Ken, but are reluctant to play a female role.  When boys are taught to
respect girls ("never hit a girl"), it is because girls are too weak to
protect themselves, so that it wouldn't be fair.

When parents make an effort to change the common elements of the socialization
process that lead to gender inequality and a lower status for women in society,
they often concentrate on teaching girls that they can do the same things
that boys can do.  Sometimes they go so far as to teach _boys_ that girls
can do the same things that they can do.  But rarely are boys or girls taught
that it is okay for boys to do the same things that girls do.

These childhood socialization practices contribute to the belief
on the part of both adult men and adult women that women are dependent upon
men for most of their lives, and that if a woman experiences circumstances
that leave her temporarily without a man to depend on, the proper course
of action is to try to replace this loss relatively quickly.

The topic of the dependence of women on men is important to the topic of
sexual egalitarianism.  Women can achieve equality by fulfilling the same
roles that give men status and importance.  But they can also achieve
equality in situations where _both_ men and women are equally dependent upon
each other, so that both are necessary to the other, and the roles of both
are valued and carry prestige, when society recognizes this fact.  These
two forms of equality can be found in different cultures of the world.  In
either case, the unilateral dependence of women on men undermines the attempt
at equality.
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(Please note that the topic of dependence between men and women in relation-
ships assumes heterosexual couples.  If you are in a homosexual relationship
and would like to address the above text or the following questions, please
feel free to do so, but identify this fact.)


Questions:

1.  How do you feel about this opinion?  What truth do you see in it?  What
do you disagree with?



2.  If you are an adult female, do you consider yourself dependent upon a man?
How? (financially, emotionally, etc.)
If so, are you happy or dissatisfied with this dependence?  Is this man also
dependent upon you?  Who would be more affected if you separated today?



3.  If you are a young female, when you are "on your own" later, do you aspire
to self-sufficiency, or have you always assumed that you would marry?



4.  If you are male, do you consider your wife (girlfriend) to be
dependent upon you?  Do you consider yourself dependent upon her?
How? (financially, emotionally, etc.)  If you have a dependent relationship,
and were to separate today, who would be most affected?  Would you enter a
long-term relationship with a highly independent girl, or does it give you
some satisfaction to think that a woman depends on you?



5.  (If you are a parent, answer this for yourself.  If you are living with
your parents, answer this for your parents.)
Have you made any effort to teach boys and girls the same skills?  The same
ideals?  The same goals?  Are these skills, ideals, and goals part of what
could be called traditionally the "male realm", or have you taught boys the
skills, ideals, and goals that girls traditionally grow up with as well?



6.  In your experience, are girls of this generation taught to be less
dependent on men than were girls of their parent's generation?  Are boys taught
to be more tolerant of this dependence?  Are boys taught to be more dependent?



7.  Are you male or female?


8.  What is your age?


9.  Are you married, have you been married, or are you hoping to marry?


10. Do you have children?  Boys or girls?  Their ages?


11. Which newsgroup did you read this in?



Please mail to teresa@ariel.ccit.arizona.edu.  Thanks for your time.
For your information, the results that I get will be used in a homework
project, without names or other identifying information.  No published paper,
etc., will result from your answers.