From: rfarmer@nyx.cs.du.edu (Rex Farmer)
Subject: Re: tiredness.
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Date: Mon, 28 Sep 92 21:28:44 GMT

In article <1992Sep28.171605.18299@linus.mitre.org> sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay) writes:
>In article <1992Sep28.145241.1804@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> rfarmer@nyx.cs.du.edu (Rex Farmer) writes:
>>
>>I have no loans and no debts.  Sponging off ones parents is another good way
>>to increase your guilt amounts.
>
>Yup...especially if they are Catholic parents, they can induce massive amounts
>of guilt..I am currently living w/ the 'rents in order to save up money to go
>back to school in another year or so. This will let me pay for school, pay off 
>the car and do the slightly-better-than-starving grad student thing for at
 least >a year or so totally debt-free. Despite the constant parenting
that continues, I >consider it worth it if I can actually get out of
here in a year owing nothing to >no-one.

In a brief plug for Canada we can at least get through University here
without being totally crushed by dept.  In a brief plug for Physics, if
you're a resonably good student they've got piles o' money for you in
grad school.  CS is pretty good too.

> >ObAngst:I will have to
pick up an assistantship or something somewhere after the >first year
or so if I want to be able to keep doing this and I don't know how
hard >that is.

Teaching assistantship is not so bad, although I personally avoid it 
because I don't think I am very good at interacting with the
confused undergrads.  Research assistantship is much better if you've
found a good prof.  At some universities the TA is expected to teach
classes and stuff which would totally suck.


>I don't worry
about not getting married that much, but like you, one of my big
>fears is just ending up 70 years old as some totally crusty bitter
old dude all >alone w/ no friends or companionship or anything...

I'm just worried that one day I will have to go out in the real world
where I gather they expect performance and stuff and they tend to like
hiring the tall suit types and not guys like me who look like they're
16 complete with acne.  Also I have a great fear of any job that will
involve me driving.  I hate driving.  I cast scorn on all the little
High School kiddies who were rushing around to get their licences.  I
finally got around to getting mine at 20.  And wheneer I drive
(lifetime total 12 times) I keep thinking about hundreds of kilos of
steel in motion ready to turn into a lethal disaster with any false move.


>>Unfortunately
although I like to be left alone, without any human contact at >>all I
spin off into chronic depression.  I need some people around to anchor
>>me.  One great feature of chronic depression is that all experiences
become >>flat and joyless.  Which kind of takes the fun out of being
alone.  I want my >>friends to _share_ things I enjoy, both to give
them pleasure and to give us >>things to discuss.

>I'll attest to
that...I have so much stuff I'd like to do if I actually had the
>energy to do it and not just sit there listening to really depressing
music or >sleeping to take some edge off the knife...

Like the two or three hundred great hardcovers I've got lined up to
read (Bear's latest, May's latest, Pratchett's latest, some William
Calvin, Gould's _Wonderful Life_...) plus the 10 months of _Asimov's_
I'm behind.  Unfortunately depression tends to me one want to do
nothing at all.  I lose my appetite so I end up starving but not
hungry, and then I don't feel alert enough to read.




>---Steve >-- >Stephen Okay sokay@mitre.org

>"You see, I'm kind of this control freak who likes to
create his own >personal hells before the real one can get to him. I
like to beat hell >to hell so to speak".--Spalding Gray "Monster in a
box"

I saw most of Spalding Gray's piece on the Killing Fields.  He's great.
What was that one called?