From: almaguer@saturn.cis.ohio-state.edu (alejandro almaguer)
Subject: Here are "The Rules"
Organization: The Ohio State University Dept. of Computer and Info. Science
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 20:15:22 GMT

Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Here are "THE RULES"
Summary: 
Followup-To: 
Distribution: world
Organization: The Ohio State University Dept. of Computer and Info. Science
Keywords: 


Here is a REPOST of the THE RULES and THE REAL RULES

This repost is in response to the many email requests that I have been getting
for these.
 
I believe that I got it from KNODEL's mailing list and here are the credits:

Submitted by:  "ron kulick" <ron.kulick@execnet.com>
Subject:  "the rules"
Swiped from: rec.humor:
______

                               THE RULES

1. The female always makes the       8.  The Female can change her
   rules.                                mind at any given point in
                                         time.
2. No male can possibly know all
   the rules.                        9.  The Male must never change
                                         his mind without written
3. The rules are subject to              consent from the Female.
   change at any time without
   notification.                     10. The Female has every right
                                         to be angry or upset at any
4. If the female suspects the            time.
   male knows all the rules, she
   MUST immediately change some      11. The Male must remain calm at
   or all of the rules.                  all times, unless the Female
                                         wants him to be angry or
5. The female is never wrong.            upset.

6. If the female is wrong, it is     12. The Female must under no
   because of a flagrant                 circumstances let the Male
   misunderstanding which was a          know whether or not she wants
   direct result of something the        him to be angry or upset.
   male did or said.
                                     13. Any attempt to document these
7. If rule 6 applies, the male           rules could result in bodily
   must apologize immediately for        harm.
   causing the misunderstanding.
                                     14. If the Female has PMS, all
                                         rules are null and void.

 kml@cellar.org (Lazlo Hoover Toth)

                          THE REAL RULES

1.  THE MALE ALWAYS MAKES THE RULES.

2.  Dammit, it is not cold in here.  It's warm.  Get a blanket.

3.  If you don't like it, that's not my problem.

4.  THE MAN IS NEVER WRONG.

5.  You got a problem with that?  I don't care.

6.  If it appears that the man is wrong, it is always a direct result 
of something the woman said or did wrong.

7.  If Rule #6 applies, the female must apologize immediately for causing
the misunderstanding and go get the man a beer and sit down, I can't
see the game.

8.  THE MAN IS NEVER LATE.

9.  If he is late, it's because a certain person with very cold feet 
kept him up all night by stealing the covers.

10.  The female must limit her goodbyes to 30 minutes each, or 15 minutes
each at a very large family gathering with people she sees every week.

11. THE MAN BALANCES THE CHECKBOOK.

12. The female must under no circumstances be allowed near all those
numbers so as to eliminate confusion.

13. WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DRIVE LIKE THAT?  AND I HAPPEN TO LIKE TO USE
THE REMOTE ALL THE TIME.  THAT'S WHAT IT'S THERE FOR.


The following is an altered version sent to me by :
 steinl@idt.unit.no  


                        THE RULES
 
 1. The Female always makes The Rules.
 
 2. The Rules are subject to change at any time WITHOUT PRIOR NOTIFICATION.
 
 3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.
 
 4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must
    immediately change SOME or ALL of The Rules.
 
 5. To INSURE the Male remains on his toes, the Female will change the
    rules on a Random Abandon basis.
 
 6. The Female is NEVER wrong.
 
 7. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a Flagrant Misunderstanding
    which was a Direct Result of something the Male DID or SAID wrong.
 
 8. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize IMMEDIATELY for causing
    the misunderstanding.
 
 9. The Female can change her mind at ANY GIVEN POINT IN TIME.
 
10. The Male must NEVER change his mind without EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT
    from the Female.
 
11. The Female has EVERY RIGHT to be angry or upset AT ANY TIME.
 
12. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female WANTS him
    to be angry or upset.
 
13. The Female must under NO circumstances let the Male know whether or
    not she wants him to be angry or upset.
 
14. The Male is expected to mind read AT ALL TIMES.
 
15. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a
    backbone, and is an Inflexible and Uncooperative WIMP.
 
16. ANY attempt (by the Male) to document THE RULES could result in
    BODILY HARM.
 
17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are NULL AND VOID. 


Hope you all enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alex
almaguer@cis.ohio-state.edu