From: george@bsg8.Corp.Sun.COM (George L Roman)
Newsgroups: soc.men
Subject: Re: Torn between Mother and Wife.
Date: 23 Jul 92 18:49:24
Organization: Sun Microsystems
Distribution: CA
	<luden.35.711918676@lehigh.edu> <l6ugepINNqos@male.EBay.Sun.COM>
NNTP-Posting-Host: bsg8.corp.sun.com
In-reply-to: stevie@tmina.EBay.Sun.COM's message of 23 Jul 1992 23:33:45 GMT



In article <l6ugepINNqos@male.EBay.Sun.COM> stevie@tmina.EBay.Sun.COM (Steve Taormina) writes:

> Maybe I can get some empathy and advice from some of you guys out 
> there on the net that deal with the same crap that I do.

Advice, ok; empathy, forget it, pal.

I don't usually read this group; we were having a conversation in our
development group over here and someone mentioned that they did not know
what netnews was.  One of the guys pulled up soc.men at random, to give
an example of what it's all about, and THERE YOU WERE!

I know that posting to a group that you haven't read for at least three
years beforehand is taboo, so feel free to torch me.


> My mother doesn't like my wife and vice versa.

They don't have to.  They just have to respect each other.  Why?
Because of their love for you.


> My mother specifically and deliberately excluded my wife from the function
> even at the expense of my absence because she feels that my wife is an
> embarassment to the family being that she is overweight and doesn't wear
> expensive clothes.

[You cannot imagine the explosion of laughter that engulfed this room
when we read that.]


> Of course I was LIVID to say the least and had a lenghthy conversation
> about it.  The rest of the family apparently gave her hell besides so
> I tried to take it a little easy on her.

That's the problem here, Steve.  You never think about yourself; about
your own life.  Why take it easy on her?  If the rest of the family was
outraged, and they weren't even the ones being excluded, then you had
every right to be even more outraged.  You went easy on her because you
can't stand up for yourself.


> She admitted that it was a rotten, selfish thing to do and promised
> that it would never happen again.  This kind of thing has happened
> before and I really don't know how solid this promise is.

She will continue to use you as a doormat for as long as you let her.
[Of course, you are probably one of her favorite doormats.  ;-)]


> You may be wondering if I told my wife about all this.  Are you kidding?
> I think she would be too hurt and very angry.  Anybody out there feel that
> I should tell my wife?

I think you should lay all the cards on the table Steve.  There's
animosity going on between your mother and your wife, and it's
destroying *your* life.  This is what's important.

The odds are very good your wife will learn of this incident, one way or
another.  It will hurt her regardless.  If she finds out later, the hurt
may be accompanied by embarrasment: "What, you didn't know?  Steve
didn't tell you?"


> [Steve goes on to tell of more horrors commited at the hands of mom.]
. . .
> My Mother is wealthy, conceited, and judgemental.  Problem 
> is, she's my mother and I still love her and want to associate with her.

[Late breaking news: (this just in) there's nothing wrong with being wealthy.
Conceited and judgemental; these aren't too cool.]

Your mother and your wife don't get along.  They may never get along.
That's life.  That doesn't mean that you have to suffer!  It doesn't
mean that you have to let them use you to hurt each other!

You can ask your mother to respect your wife without having to sacrifice
your love for your mother.  In fact, once your mother starts to respect
your wife, your love for your mother may grow!

The same thing applies to your wife.  If she loves you then she will
respect your mother when you make it clear to her this is important to
you.  If your wife still shows disrespect to your mother after you have
told her what that does to you, then you must question what your wife
values more: her love for you or her hatred of your mother.  This is an
important question, and can be asked of both the women, should either
of them start to show disrespect.

It is imperative that you stand up for yourself, Steve.  Your mother
manipulates you.  I bet she's not the only one, either.  Is this the
example you want to set for your children?  Is this how you want to live
the rest of your life?

-------------

George Roman, speaking for himself.

Oh, and say "Hi" to your mom for me, Steve.  Feel free to add the word
"bitch" if you feel up to it.  ;-)
Newsgroups: soc.men