HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: Michel Goudeseune <marcelg@zooid.guild.org>
Subject: Re: How do you tell a girl your feelings?
Organization: ZOOiD BBS
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 20:00:17 GMT

cf017@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Christopher P Readence) writes:
>
>We're really good friends, and I know she'll still be a friend if
>I tell her my feelings, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to if she
>tells me "LJBF".  What should I do, just come out and say it, that
>I'm crazy about her now, or should I first do a little probing to
>see if she's still interested?

One piece of wisdom I heard (quite possibly on alt.romance): 

When you tell someone you love them, it should not come as a surprise.


It should be perfectly obvious to her how you feel about her before you go and
say how you really feel (see the "I-love-you" posting from a few days ago).
So, instead of doing a little "probing", be nice to her, buy her flowers a few
times, etc, and be painfully obvious as to how you feel about her.  

I could elaborate this extensively, but that sums up my point.

Good luck, and I hope things work out!

Michel
Official Pronker of the RFA             marcelg@zooid.guild.org
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: twromero@McRCIM.McGill.EDU (Michael Lin)
Subject: Re: What's Romantic?
Originator: twromero@damrod.mcrcim.mcgill.edu
Organization: McGill Research Centre for  Intelligent Machines
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 92 00:09:24 GMT


In article <5gzz74n@rpi.edu>, petitc@vccnw02.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes:
|> 
|>   Just a simple little thread.  What do you think is more romantic: 
|> 
|> (A) Really big romantic getaways,
|> 
|> or
|> 
|> (B) More romantic 'little things'? (e.g. a little card for no reson)
|> 
|> -- 
|> Trust:  A very precious social commodity, due both to high value and terrible
|> scarcity.
|> MATWDTM:  Mothers Against Teenagers Who Drink Too Much (failed name for MADD)



   Both are very romantic:


   (A) is for being temporarily romantic while (B) can really 
   enhance that romantic feeling in the long run since you can't
   always afford to do things like (A). I just love the fact that
   my SO comes up to moi and give moi a peck on the back of neck,
   as you put it, FOR NO REASON AT ALL!
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Subject: Re: Untitled gem
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
Date: 14 Oct 1992 23:32 EST  

In article <1992Oct14.185635.1@ntc02.tele.nokia.fi>, nagji@ntc02.tele.nokia.fi writes...
>I'm posting this for a special friend.....

Special indeed ... 

In a word ... *gulp*.

>The music keeps me going.   
>I cling to it, adrift.
>And for a few precious moments, I do not ache for you...  
>======================

Boy, do I know *this* one ...

Well, to your special friend ... there *is* a tomorrow... someone will come 
along to undo the damage and help you to forget. Hang tough and use the 
pain to create inspiration for yourself and others. It's the only way to 
justify the suffering.

> 
> 
-- Stephen

     Though *believing* in things often wounds the spirit, *not* believing 
     in anything will eventually kill it. Therefore, *dream* ... and accept 
     the costs as reasonable.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ksdavis@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Karleenus Schwartz Davis)
Subject: Re: How do you tell a girl your feelings?
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 1992 07:15:50 GMT

stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews) writes:
>Don't say "I feel like I love you"
>Do Say    "I feel a sense of attraction... oh shit I dunno - I'm no 
>                                            wordsmith, but you get the gist...

*laugh*  I know you didn't mean it this way, but I get the 
picture of someone coming up to me and saying:

"I feel this sense of attraction...but SHIT, I'm no wordsmith, 
do you get the gist of what I'm trying to say???"

Sorry, maybe it was only funny once.  (Timing *is* everything)

*deep breath*

Back to your regularly scheduled advice. . .

>I've also often found that it is easier to pour one's feelings 
>out to a keyboard that too another human being. 

Me too. . .But I prefer to do it in realtime (ie, talks, muds,
direct modem connection, bitnet, whatever's available) because
for me it's hard to pour out my heart to a computer that doesn't
talk back immediately.

-sz
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Where do I go from here?
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 92 18:22:42 GMT

In article <1992Oct13.164154.7056@bnr.ca> Joan Balser writes:
>It sounds to me that she is USING you when nothing else is going
>on in her life.  Especially, when you said you couldn't get tickets
>to a concert and all of a sudden there is a change of heart.  
>
>I have GIRLFRIENDS who do the same to me!  They only call you up
>when there is nothing exciting happening in their life or when 
>they want to tell you all your problems.  
>
>I think she isn't being HONEST with you and playing with your 
>heart strings because she knows you would do anything for her 
>at a drop of a hat.  
>
>You deserve better than that!  DUMP HER for good!
>
It is possible that you are right. But I read the original posting,
and it sounded to me like he had not been dating her long. If she
was clearly his girlfriend and was pulling this, I would agree. 
But as I see it, she thinks she is just dating him casually, while
he thinks he would like to be her boyfriend. He is a little anxious
to get things on a boyfriend/girlfriend basis, and when she sees this
she pulls away.

I have been wrong often enough to know things are rarely what they
seem. I think he owes it to himself to spend some time and find out
where she is coming from. He shouldn't put up with any mistreatment,
but I think when you are dating, refusing to go out on a date doesn't
count as mistreatment.

Michael.
From: tburgess@us.oracle.com (Terri Servantes Burgess)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: RE: romantic christmas ideas.....
Date: 8 Oct 92 20:28:28 GMT




Last christmas was alot of fun....we didn't have alot of money...so
we did things like....popped popcorn and strung strands of it on our
christmas tree.....baked christmas cookie together....on christmas
eve we strolled down this area where everone puts up the prettiest 
christmas lights and decoration...and then I put on one of my 
christmas presents to him and we played under the trees twinkling
lights....simple...but to him if you ask him...a christmas he will
never forget....

As far as gifts goes.....since we were broke things were really simple...
yet precious....he knows I love penguins so he bought me a pewter figurine
of two penguins and wrote me poetry in pretty patterns on the little box
and then wrapped it up and hid it in the tree for me to find....and he 
bought me this hand knit sweater I had wanted....it was great that what
he bought for me had alot of thought....glitzy is fun, and he is that
way too...but I'll never forget the thought and effort went into finding
me the perfect gift.

-Terri
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: marcia@netcom.com (Marcia)
Subject: Re: Do I have ANY right?
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 01:51:55 GMT

In article <bacchus.719048980@mcl> bacchus@mcl.ucsb.edu (bacchus@mcl.ucsb.edu) writes:
>I know that I can be mad and angry, etc. but do I really
>have any right to feel that way about my ex?  He should have known how I would
>feel, but I told her, and meant it, that she should do what will make her 
>happy.  

I think you have a right to feel any which way you feel like. Emotions are
kind of like that...but what you don't have a right to do is to *do* anything
you feel like. 

The question is: what do you want your telling them how you feel to do? Do you
want it to break them up? To make them feel bad? To win her back? What would
be the purpose of this? I'm not asking to be difficult, but to help focus what
you want to achieve...and then plan your actions appropriately.

I've been through something similar a number of years ago, and the best thing
I did was just absent myself and hang out with other people. If I'd made them 
feel bad they wouldn't have wanted to hang out with me, and by just staying
out of the picture, I had time to heal myself.
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                  ADDRESSES: marcia@netcom.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."                                     mlb@cisco.com
From: iojj@vax5.cit.cornell.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: First Date ?
Date: 9 Oct 92 16:46:15 EDT
Distribution: world
Organization: Cornell University

In article <uwanless.718323514@mcl>,
uwanless@mcl.ucsb.edu (Selective) writes: 
> For me, an ideal first date would not be boring movie and dinner either. There
> are several things I might want to do...a baseball game would be nice, or
> miniature golf, visit the arcade, go bowling, swimming, nature walk, museum...
> the possibilities are simply endless!
> --
> ************Paul Wanless "vangy"******************

Everyone, congratulate me on my first ever non-disastrous/embarassing first
date.  We went out to dinner, and had a nice long chat, and then went to see a
student production of "The Pirates of Penzance".

Now, if only someone could tell me what I do at the end of the date.  Do I
shake hands with her, or what?  It seems to be a consistently awkward time.

And now, a word from Miss Manners:

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be
offered: entertainment, food, and affection.  It is customary to begin
a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount
of food, and the merest suggestion of affection.  As the amount of
affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately.
When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.
Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
                -- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour

=========== 

Dave Chin			Class of '92, Cornell U.
				Grad, Oregon State U.
dchin@graphy.physics.orst.edu	}	Opinions expressed are mine,
				}	and mine alone.
				}
dchin@helios.tn.cornell.edu	}	Kelmarin di Kota Melaka ...
From: mcsweinberg@memstvx1.memst.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Names for ...
Date: 16 Oct 92 22:06:31 GMT
Organization: Memphis State University

In article <1992Oct16.172659.27848@netcom.com>, slf@netcom.com (Sharon Fisher) writes:
> I get the feeling that, for some people here, 
> 
> flirt = talk with me but won't go out with me
> 
> slut = talk with me, won't go out with me, but will go out with
> someone else

Wait I'm confused then what do you call girls that:

???? = Talk with you, won't go out with you, but will sleep with you?

or 

??? = Talk with you, won't go out with you, will sleep with you, won't sleep
with someone else, will go out with someone else.

Rai.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Damn, I wish I was you lover...."
From: petitc@vccnw02.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: When guys lose their tempers
Date: 12 Oct 92 23:18:53 GMT
Reply-To: petitc@rpi.edu
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy, NY.

In article <1992Oct12.170234.10455@bsu-ucs.uucp>, 01ksdavis@bsu-ucs.uucp (Rebel without a clue.) writes:

|> 	Curious, though.  Nobody ever talks about the other way around.  Guess
|> a guy's welfare doesn't amount to a hill of beans in today's world.

  This is more related to the old stereotype, dude.  Women were supposed to be
the senesitive ones whereas men were supposed to be the 'strong, silent type'
and therefore, ideally, not to have emotions.  It's changing only now, but it's
a very slow process.

-- 
Trust:  A very precious social commodity, due both to high value and terrible
scarcity.
MATWDTM:  Mothers Against Teenagers Who Drink Too Much (failed name for MADD)
From: s342063@emu.insted.unimelb.edu.au
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Query
Date: 9 Oct 92 09:15:56 GMT

In reply to s344021@emu.insted.edu.au :

I believe that an SO is a "significant other"

Would someone clarify this please ?

Hope that helps :)

Kerryn.
(s342063@emu.insted.edu.au)
Organization: Freshman, CIT general, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 23:53:59 -0400 
From: "Paul S. Hrynko" <ph2a+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: What's Romantic?

     A romantic getaway creates memories- hopefully positive ones that
will last for a lifetime.  A romantic getaway also creates memories,
feelings, emotion for yourself, all of which are more memorable. Love is
easier to express through the giving of gifts but us better in giving
yourself.




   ---------                     __
             \                  |  |  Paul Hrynko  (Ph2a@andrew.cmu.edu)
        /    /                  | /   Box 4838
   ---------    __              |/    5115 Margaret Morrison
     /        /   \   /|   |    /\    Pittsburgh, Pa  15213-3831
   /          \___/ \/  \__/\__/   \  Carnegie Mellon University 412-268-4303

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
B efore your eyes observe the union of the sky with the water,
E bbing and augmenting tides which know no bounds.
A ll observe the eternal crashing of moody waves on the sand,
C alling you to become part of a worldly being greater than yourself, 
H aving the ability to attain true love, peace, and contentment.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: diana@wetware.com (CatWoman )
Subject: Re: What's Romantic?
Organization: Castle WetWare MouseCatcher
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 23:06:42 GMT

petitc@rpi.edu writes:

]   Just a simple little thread.  What do you think is more romantic: 
] 
] (A) Really big romantic getaways,
] (B) More romantic 'little things'? (e.g. a little card for no reson)

My vote is for B.

To me - a "really big romantic getaway" involves planning,
time, forethought, etc., and therefore can get a lot of
preconceptions over what SHOULD happen during the time - and
as we all know, not everything turns out the way it's planned
to turn out.  It does help if both people are in on the 
planning, and it's something that both have looked forward
to, and there are no outside worries that will haunt them
at the time - but IMMHO there are too many variables to 
make this successful very often.

To me - having my guy get me a rubbermaid<tm> holder for
my boraxo<tm> because I'd mentioned that I wanted one (he
had one and I liked the way it worked).  Or have him get
two matching t-shirts from his work.  Or (as he has said),
my getting him a set of toy tanks to cheer him up - and
when he asked (on the net) about air support, and specifically
about a WartHog - my going out and FINDING said WartHog,
as well as other toy air-support pieces.

The things that show that even when you are concentrating
on the problems of your life - you're still thinking about
the other person - THAT, to me, is romantic.  The specifics
of the token involved are nowhere near as important as that
the token indicates that you are thinking of THEM.

Diana
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: Joan Balser
Subject: Re: Relationships and Sex
Organization: Bell-Northern Research
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 15:09:15 GMT

 Life is emotion.
>
>It's nice hearing that from a guy!  My hat goes off to you!!

Joan
From: afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Thanks for the advice!
Keywords: Thanks for the advice!
Date: 16 Oct 92 19:03:00 GMT
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Oct16.160447.11185@sol.ctr.columbia.edu>, roberso@asdsun.larc.nasa.gov (Steve Roberson) writes...
>To all those who reponded to "Am I In Love?" I give my thanks.
> 
>Good news though...
> 
>My girlfriend and I had a long talk.  Some of the rules are going to change.
>We are still going to stay together but we are going to do some changing
>that will help the both of us.
> 
>The night I posted my article I had a disturbing dream.

[Dream Munched]

> 
>I think that answered my question as to whether or not I loved her.

I guess it did. Remember, though, everybody loves *everybody* a little ...

Sounds like you love her a lot, though.

> 
>I do.

Careful ... I can't think of any two words that have *destroyed* more love 
than those two uttered too quickly. :-)


Just *once* I'd like to hear either the bride or the groom respond with ...


".... er.... I *might* ! "

:-) :-)

-- Stephen

     Though *believing* in things often wounds the spirit, *not* believing 
     in anything will eventually kill it. Therefore, *dream* ... and accept 
     the costs as reasonable.
From: isc30350@nusunix1.nus.sg (LOW SUET CHENG)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: puzzled..
Date: 9 Oct 92 13:50:46 GMT
Organization: National University of Singapore
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]


Hello,

I'm not sure where to get started. So guess I'll jump in somewhere.

My RP and I broke up in mid-July. He had gone to Hong Kong for a month,
when he got back, he told me he wanted to split. This was after 2 1/2
years of being together. The reason he gave was that he had no more
feelings for me, we were incompatible and had different ways of
thinking. I had tried to get him to change his mind then, but couldn't.
So I agreed to the break although I really didn't want to. But how do
you make someone stay by your side when they already said that they do
not want to stay.

After being apart for 2 1/2 months, I'm still not over him yet. I still
miss him and think of him.

Today, I saw him together with another girl. I'm not sure if she's his
new SO, as we haven't really communicated after the break. There was a
time where he was actually quite hostile to me. He seemed happy with the
girl, they were having lunch and were talking and laughing.

What I'm trying to get at is that, strangely enough, on seeing him with
another girl, I didn't feel jealous. Instead, part of me felt happy that
he is happy, althought he is with another girl. Whereas part of me felt
sad that I was not the one who was able to make him happy.

What I want to know is that, does this happen to anyone else here on
netland? I had always thought that if I were to see him with another
girl, I would be very upset and very jealous of the girl. But strangely
enough, this was not what I felt today. 

Any comments or views are very much welcomed here or email me at
isc30350@nusunix1.nus.sg.

Esther
From: moore7004@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How to tell if you are in love
Date: 12 Oct 92 03:15:30 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

In article <1992Oct7.164319.3193@constellation.ecn.uoknor.edu>, bwbrock@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu (Benjamin Warre Brock) writes:
> 
> 1. What do I want from this relationship?

A car, a hot tub maybe, a gold card even.  Oh, and Total, All-Consuming
personal well being.
> 
> 2. Have I told him/her what is important to me in a relationship?

Not since breakfast.  
> 
> 3. Does he/she tell me what is important to him/her in a relationship?

All the time.  "Take out the trash."  "Mop the floor."  "God, dress up for
ONCE, would you?"  Yikes.
> 
> 4. Am I happy with the way things are?

Is there some alternative, other than non-existence?  Hmmm?
> 
> 5. What type of changes would make it better?

A car, a hot tub maybe, a gold card even.  Perhaps my ascendance to godhood,
though I'm not holding my breath for that one.
> 
> 6. Can we talk about touching?

What, here, now?  I barely know you, pal.
> 
> 7. Do I fee good about the touching we do?

Umm...errr...let me get back to you on this one.
> 
> 8. Am I feeling pressured or am I pressurring?

How bout pressurizing?
> 
> 9. How does the relationship effect other things or people in my life?

Well.  It causes me to alienate the vast readership of alt.romance by bringing
my bad mood here for an evening.  I shot out my TV earlier tonight.  "Love
Boat" was on -- go figure, I mean, the irony, right?
> 
> 10 Who can I talk to when things get tough?

I would say alt.romance, but I bet THAT ain't gonna last.


Well, it's been fun, gotta run.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: Joan Balser
Subject: Re: Am I in Love?
Organization: Bell-Northern Research
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 18:22:02 GMT

In article <1bjsfmINN1bc@rave.larc.nasa.gov> roberso@asdsun.larc.nasa.gov
(Steve Roberson) writes:

>
>I almost feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I love her.
>

From what you have said, it sounds like you HAVEN'T found the right
girl.  When I was in a relationship where something didn't feel
quite right (this was usually put away back into my mind) I just 
stayed in it just for the sake of being with someone.  Nothing 
was really wrong with the guy but I know that I didn't enjoy his
company as much as when we first met.   After a while, I decided to 
break it off. In my case,  I finally realize that this guy wasn't mentally 
stimulating enough for me.  I would try to talk about someone and our
minds wouldn't CLICK into anything we had in common.  We were 
basically bored mentally.  

My advise to you is you shouldn't have question yourself about your love for
her.  Either you love her or you don't.  You shouldn't have to think about it.
Love comes naturally if it feels right.  You know when you're
really in love and I don't think you have found it yet.

Joan (MURPH@bnr.ca)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: marcia@netcom.com (Marcia)
Subject: Re: An emerald as an engagement ring?
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 04:46:46 GMT

In article <1992Oct11.200412.624@news.uiowa.edu> haferman@icaen.uiowa.edu (Jeff Haferman) writes:
>  How does this ring "stuff" work?

Well, generally you slide it onto a finger and it stays there...:-)

>What do you think about this?  Will an emerald ring lose its
>"appeal" after a while?  I figure I'll just let her think
>about it for a few weeks and see how she feels then.

My cousin gave his wife an emerald for an engagement ring. As another poster
mentioned, emeralds are soft stones, so the emerald was surrounded by two 
guard crescents of diamonds to protect it.

Me, I want a tanzanite :-).
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                  ADDRESSES: marcia@netcom.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."                                     mlb@cisco.com
From: mcsbc3ktp@dct.ac.uk (Kirk Potter)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What to bring on a first date?
Date: 13 Oct 92 14:24:32 GMT
Organization: Dundee Institute of Technology

In article <1bdhf0INNfoa@bigboote.WPI.EDU>, damong@manyjars.WPI.EDU (Damon Francis Gentile) writes:
> In article <92286.001619MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET> MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET writes:
>>I have a question for everyone.  I have been out of the dating scene for about
>>six years and now I find myself back in there.  My question is What is the
>>best thing to bring on a first date?   Thanks for any and all advice.
>> 
>>Marc Butcher                  
> 
> Well, I'd have to start the list with a girl.... followed by a large supply
> of cash, because you never know what will happen. I don't think that there
> is any specific thing that you need to bring, except a relaxed (and open)
> mind
> 
> Damon
> 
> damong@wpi.wpi.edu
-- 

What about a condom?????

#############################################################################
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