From: garrett@Ingres.COM (MMMMM...ESSENCE OF GELFLING)
Subject: 1992: Year in Review Part 2
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1  
Keywords: 
Organization: ASK Computer Systems, Ingres Product Division
Date: 23 Dec 92 01:59:03 GMT

	These are actual news stories from 1992, compiled by 
Bill Mandel of the San Francisco Examiner. 

A San Francisco man walked through a plate-glass storefront trying to
board the cable car he saw reflected in the shiny window.

Sonoma County viewers who'd paid $30 to see a Madison Square Garden 
tribute to Bob Dylan on cable TV had their Dylanfest interrupted by 90
minutes of soft-core porn. Only one complained.
[maybe no one noticed]

A San Francisco m,an dressed as Mickey Mouse on Halloween was beaten on
the street by a man who threatened to kill the would-be rodent "if I catch
you dressed up like Mickey again."
[who said Californian's were strange?]

A government worker in the Philippines who is a hermaphrodite (both male
and female sex organs), bacame pregnant but was denied maternity leave
because he's legally a man.

Man of God and serious Republican presidential aspirant Pat Robertson
said the Equal Rights Amendment "encourages women to leave their husbands,
kill their children, practice withcraft, destroy capitalism and become
lesbians."

Speaking of the federal deficit, U.S. Senator Dennis DeConcini said: 
"We're going to wrassle to the ground this gigantic orgasm that is out
of control." [yes, that is the actual spelling]

San Francisco police served a jaywalking ticket on a comatose man 
hospitalized in an intensive care unit. An investigation revealed the 
man, not the motorist who hit him, was at fault in the accident.

One of themen arrested for looting in the L.A. riots is a $3 million 
Lotto winner who recieves $120,000 a year from the state.

A women in Royal Oak, Mich., was arrested, handcuffed, and jailed for 
putting her garbage cans out too early.

A lawyer defended himself against charges of microwaving his ex-girlfriend's
kitten by saying he'd put the cat in the oven to keep it out of his way
[I believe him]


A Los Angeles man on trial for harrassing ice skater Katarina Witt 
demanded a jury of nymphomaniacs, atheists and agnostics to compose 
"a jury of his peers."

A Pennsylvania judge resigned after promising leniency to a defendent
if he could shampoo the man's hair.

A Florida wedding reception was interrupted when the bride threw macaroni
salad at the groom and he responded with gunfire. At the 
[wholesome family values]
bride insisted on checking in under her new married name.

A Polish pro soccer team acquired two top players from a Kiev squad for

An off-duty Oklahoma city police officer ran from the stands at a high
school basketball game and arrested an officer who, the cop claimed, was
not calling enough fouls against the visiting team.

[and not to be outdone for team spirit]
Mississippi State football coach Jackie Sherrill defended the castration
of a bull in front of his football team (which was about to play the Texas
Longhorns) as "motivational and educational."

A Chicago high school teacher punished truants by making them listen to
Frank Sinatra records.

The CIA classified as "secret" the report of its Openness Task Force.

Investigators probing Sears auto repair departments found that several
cars taken in for brake repair came out with no brakes at all.


	This is about half the news items. Let me know if
you like them.

-Garrett@Ingres.com