Organization: Penn State University
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 22:01:11 EDT
From: <ZQH@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american
Subject: No more ``sour grapes'' please!!!

In <Oct.8.13.51.51.1992.1703@soliton.rutgers.edu>
zzhang@soliton.rutgers.edu (ZhiZhong Zhang) writes:
> Now the interesting part, usually the girls who can
>get chinese dates don't date Americans. Most of the times, only those
>who cannot date Chinese or Taiwanese date Americans.
>

Let's get rid of the ``sour grapes'' symptom.  To be fair, many of
those Chinese girls (from Mainland or Taiwan) dating European-Americans
can also get dates from Chinese boys (considering the male-female
ratio among Chinese students here in the States).  They choose to
date European-Americans (CM) not because they (AF) cann't get dates
from Chinese (AM), but because of other more down-to-earth practical
concerns (THE Green Card).

(Asian-Americans are just too few in almost all campuses maybe with
 exception of a few schools in west coast, and most of them are just
 entering colleges (undergraduates), considering their parents got
 the U.S. citizenships as the highly-skilled professionals with Ph.D.
 or at least M.S. degrees after the 1965 U.S. Immigration Reform Act).

I know a Chinese girl (whose room I subletted during a summer and I
heard a lot from her housemates) who just wanted to marry someone with
the U.S. citizenship (there is nothing wrong here, according to a joke:
Green Card (G.C.) = General Conscience).  She did find an American (CM)
who moved in with her.  However, after two years(?) of living-together,
that American man just went away to somewhere, leaving her behind in
the state of limbo.

Some Americans (CM) just understand the situation about the Green Card
business TOO well, and take the advantage of international students
as the one above (getting free sex and cares he couldn't get elsewhere).

On the other hand, some of desperate Americans (CM) might be taken
advantages of by some of those smart Green-Card-minded women (AF),
who would marry the American (CM) and wait for two years as stipulated
by the INS to get the real Green Card, and then seek a divorce ---
usually quite successful since those CM's involved are regarded by
the mainstream Americans as having no chance with any CF, and most
of Americans (at least those I know) would be quite sympathetic
to those AF's, thinking that she has to live with someone whom
they won't want their daughter/sister to marry to and she has no
common culture background with, not to mention the languange barrier
--- daily chat like ``let's go to bedroom'' is not the problem, but
how about the exchange of deep thoughts?

In fact, IMHO, I think the common language/culture background is MUCH
more important than the common ethnical/racial background for a marriage
to last, if ecomomic gap is small enough.  In the Xinjiang Autonomous
Region of Mainland China, there are many AM/CF marriages (according to
a recent article in the People's Daily, there are more than 140 AM/CF
couples from ONE county participated in a local study about interracial
marriages, no CM/AF was mentioned there).  Just FYI, those Caucasians
are Turkic origin whose ancestors migrated to Xinjiang after Han Dynasty
took that land 2100 years ago.  After the birth, those Caucasian-Chinese
and Han-Chinese in Xinjiang live together, go to the same school system,
watch the same TV shows and speak the same Mandarin, and thus develop
the common languange/culture background across races.  The situation
is similar to the one between the 2nd-plus-generation Asian-American
and the European-American.  Since the Han-Chinese is the mainstream
in China, some of those Caucasian-Chinese would want to marry into
the mainstream.  So the same thing happens to those Caucasian-Chinese
there as to Asian-American in U.S. --- more female outmarriges than
male outmarriages.

(I guess this could be quite shocking to those CM's who think it's their
 right to take AF's but strongly opposite the idea of AM/CF).


-------- clarifications about misunderstanding of my earlier article


In <MDAY.92Oct4110106@jukebox.lcs.mit.edu>
mday@jukebox.lcs.mit.edu (Mark Day) writes
>     ZQH@psuvm.psu.edu writes:
>     (The past marital history is irrelevent to those desperate American
>      men, as long as the girl is really a female).
>
>I don't know what this remark means, unless you're trying to hint that
>the woman was (gasp) not a virgin!
>

It's the ``marital histroy'', not the ``sex history''.  What I meant
was: if a woman (AF) can just break the bond with a man of her own kind,
how can she form a real bond with you (CM), considering you (CM) have
NO common culture background with her, not to mention the languange
barrier (your only advantage is the U.S. citizenship, so she can get
the Green Card easily and quickly)?  Don't think you (CM) can develop
the relationship with her further, as an American (CM) whined in
soc.culture.china early this year.  If she can divorce someone to
marry you (CM) for the Green Card, she will seek another divorce
after getting her Green Card, for something better.  If you (CM)
are so good, why don't you (CM) get your own kind (CF), with whom
you have everything in common, and develop the relationship, instead
of taking advantage of your U.S. citizenship???

P.S.:  The ``you'' didn't mean anyone, just a generic term.

Unlike someone who are against interracial marriages no matter what,
I have no objection to interracial marriages, because I understand
difference in races is not the major barrier for a lasting & happy
marriage, but the difference in culture IS (not to mention languange
barriers); and outmarriage is not necessarily a sell-out (our s.c.a.a.
Goddesses have proved it).


In <1992Oct5.143636.14400@nynexst.com>
clare@nynexst.com (Clare Chu) writes:
>Nobody likes anyone with low-self-esteem, period.  How would you like
>it if someone said to you, "Oh ZQH, I've got such low self-esteem I feel
>like you're the only guy whose standards are low enough to have me."
>And you think that's a prize?
>

Sorry, I should have written it in full ``low self-esteem about his/her
race''.  We have already seen this on s.c.a.a.:  a guy from Stanford
has so low self-esteem about his race that he would blame everything
on the culture of his own race and turn it into a personal crusade,
hoping to gain the acceptance of white girls.

BTW, you can call me James.

Sincerely,

James Huang
Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american