From: aidler@sanjuan.UVic.CA (E Alan Idler)
Subject: Re: Authoritarian Parents (was 20/20 and spanking)
Organization: University of Victoria
Date: 19 Nov 92 16:25:41 GMT

rubio@HAN.Paramax.COM (Stuart Rubio) writes:

>In article <1992Nov16.164048.15233@jetsun.weitek.COM> robert@jetsun.weitek.COM (Robert Plamondon) writes:
>>
>>Here are some hallmarks of authoritarian parents I have known, which
>>may help differentiate them from other kinds:
>>
>>1. Authoritarian parents take offense if their kids do something
>>   successfully, but in a way that differed from their instructions.
>>   That is, authoritarian parents discourage and even punish independent
>>   thinking, even when it's successful.

>As an authoritarian parent who spanks as necessary, I take exception
>with the assumption that authoritarian parents recent the accomplishments
>of their children. I have always encouraged my kids to think before 
>they do anything. This would, first and foremost, keep them from 
>making the kind of mistakes that lead them into situations in which
>they get spanked. If children thought ahead, and could do this kind
>of analytical thinking concerning future results of their actions, 
>there would probably be less need to "correct" their actions in the
>ways mentioned.

A little authority never hurt anyone.
Parents hold the authority in the home.
Children will have to learn to deal positively with
authority figures in their lives.
It's best the pick it up at home -- rather than
in the world.

My Dad would always comment about others at work
who refused to follow procedures -- even after the
safety implications were explained to them.

BTW, corporal punishment is not necessarily related
to an authoritative parenting philosophy.

>>2. Authoritarian parents will punish children for things that might
>>   not even provoke a comment from other people.

>This can be true. I know a lot of parents who never punish their kids
>in any way, for anything they do. They see nothing wrong in any form
>of behavior. Their kids beat on each other and throw toys across the
>room, endabgering other children, but they simply make comments on
>their activities. So, I can see where an authoritarian parent will
>take action when other parents see nothing for which to take action.

I hope that parents will use opportunities to correct
their children.  "Punishment" only becomes necessary
when the child will not accept direction.

>>3. Authoritarian parents talk about being "forced" to punish "for the
>>   principle of the thing," but can't articulate what principle they're
>>   defending.

>Well, they might be defending the "right" of an adult to teach a child
>to function within the confines of the society in which they live. There
>is a responsibility that parents have to their children to enforce a
>safe and naturing environment for all living things in that space. 
>Children do not always grasp that their actions may be harmful to others.
>Children do not always understand that furniture and homehold items may
>be damaged and cost something called money to replace when used in an
>inappropriate manner. Children sometime just do NOT think about what they
>are doing, to themselves, to each other, to the world around them.

Some principles are worth defending.

>>4. Authoritarian parents get more confused and desperate as their children
>>   get older and more independent, as their ability to control (or even
>>   influence) their children declines.

>Some do. I am certain that you would like to bundle all parents that
>use spanking into these nice neat pigionholes. Of course, you ignore
>the fact that those children are also learning while they are getting
>older. Nothing happens in a vacuum. The parents are losing control
>because all parents lose control, as their children begin to take
>on the roles the society dictates that they should. This is not 
>something abnormal or strange. Every generation does it and every 
>previous generation tries to slow that process as much as they can.
>It is a natural event in the scheme of the world. 

As children mature, they should be able to accept
more self-responsibility for their lives.
All parents should modify their roles as their
children's needs evolve.

A IDLER