HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: I'm back....
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date:  3 Sep 1992 08:41 EST  

In article <1992Sep2.215919.20495@muddcs.claremont.edu>, uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu (Lydia Uribe) writes...
>E-hugs to anybody who wants or needs them, and I am glad to be back!
> 

Welcome back, Lydia!  I missed you.

-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay (Crystal Bell)
Subject: I don't believe it!
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 20:32:16 GMT

Hi Guys!!! would you believe that ASAR is the only newsgroup I'm getting 
right now ???
(Not of course that this has any relevence to the current subject. But I 
thought I'd let you know I'm sort of here. ) Too bad I didn't have news
yesterday. It would have made replying to all of you so much easier. 
BTW thanks for all your replies and support. 

                                        **Crystal**
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: khijol!ping no response
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 21:32:14 GMT

Kristian (anon-1159@twwells.com) wrote:

: I've tried  a couple of times to get a ping response from the new
: anonymous service with  nothing  coming back.  Just curious, as I

The way it's set up now, you have to have a "Reply-To: <address>" in your
header.  Since this is confusing to some, I am considering changing it
to automatically just reply to the mail without having to have this header.

The reason I put it in is because some people would rather have a reply
sent a different way than a message was delivered, due to the vagarities
(and vulgarities [:)]) in the way some systems deliver (and pass along)
email.
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: say what?
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1992 18:24:59 GMT

SHerri (sfjr@wam.umd.edu) wrote:

: will be in how people feel about the different services.  If more people 
: set them up, this will give a lot of people the freedom to send through
: the person they feel most comfortable with, even though that person will
: probably never see the relevant information.

Exactly!  It is also possible (and easy) to set up your own APS, and post
through it.  No one would ever know the difference, and you wouldn't be
put in the position of having to trust anyone else, either.  Unless, of
course, you don't trust yourself... :)
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: sfjr@wam.umd.edu (Sherri)
Subject: Re: Group appropriate for nonsexual violent abuse recovery?
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1992 20:09:48 GMT


Welcome Patrick!  I haven't seen a better group to post on, and you would
certainly be welcome to post and get support here.  The only other groups
I can think of that would be appropriate would be alt.support, and perhaps
alt.recovery at times, but I think that the latter of those two is more
related to addiction recovery than abuse recovery.

I hope that you can feel comfortable posting here.  Many survivors of
sexual abuse feel uncomfortable posting because we think our abuse wasn't
as bad as other peoples', or maybe our memories are unclear and we're
not sure if it really happened.  I think it's clear to most of us that
people who suffer a lot from remembering their childhoods and what it
has done to them have a lot in common.  We all have our different issues
at times, but I think that we can all help each other...that is what this
group is about..

Welcoming ehugs if you want them.

Sherri



Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear)
Subject: sunrise, sunset...sunrise, sunset...
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 03:13:54 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


Another day.  10:30 Sunday night. 8/30.  I just finally handed in my
last final paper from last semester on Saturday morning.  Now I get
a week of summer, and start school again.  If they let me.

Thank you to everybody.  Right now I am here so I want to get this
out now...I am not sure what will happen in the course of writing
this, it's hard as everyone knows.  

To everyone: ***Possible Spoiler***
 (&Robert, Sally, Wildflower)

  I tried ice.  It worked sort of...it postponed the cutting, and I htink
I didn't do it as deep as I might have.  I also wrote on my arm with red
marker; not love mmessages but hate and blood but at least I wrote it
instead of cutting it.  

*** END Spoiler***

 (& m&m, Kara, Relkie, Sherri, Nancy, jeff, San, Lavender)

 It is so weird that I get so much warmth from a computer screen.  You
all are being so truly generous.  ASAR is safe, for me anyway, right now.
I am sometimes amazwd to read what I wrote, and am glad that you are
not all running for cover.  You are becoming special.  Oh, scary. 
But there it is: you are.

I am in that detached state.  Oh yes, and by the way the secret is out: 
while my regular therapist was on vacation, the guy I saw in lieu of her
said, "Are you here with me now?" and when I didn't answer, it clued him
in.  So we had a big discussion about it and I am supposed to now tell
my regular therapist.  I told this guy that I was scared to tell her; I
have been trying oh-so-very hard to not space when I'm with her.  But now
it is out and he is going to tell her and I am scared.  I see her tomorrow
am, but that will be over by time this makes it to the net.  

I think I should go I am losing it just also wanted to say please
don't hate all people, it only gives people more of a reason to
hurt others and then we are all locked in a catch-22



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for a help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: v130py5w@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Renee M Sparling)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Coming Out
Date: 2 Sep 92 12:09:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Sep1.213049.2227@sei.cmu.edu>, aw@sei.cmu.edu (Anne Wulffraat) writes...
>I feel like I'm coming out of the closet. I guess in a way I am. I've
>made it through everything alone, but reading your trials made me want to
>actively participate in all of this. So I'm even using my name. (Wow)

good for you!! It's a good step in the right direction!


>I'll support when I can, but right now, I'm looking for people who've
>dealt with the memories returning. Although I remembered what I thought was
>the worst thing a year ago, something recently triggered more memories. I 
>feel sometimes like I'm trapped in a haunted house and each ghoul that jumps
>out is a memory and each one is worse than the one before. And I can't turn
>around. I have to go back into the hell to retrieve the child that I was that
>still exists there - and save her. If this makes sense to anyone, could you
>let me know?

that's a good way to put it! I lost myself when i was 6 and i'm still reaching
back trying to save her...

>I also have this logical (i.e. non-emotional) knowledge that I witnessed
>something so awful that it destroyed my brain. I feel myself go insane.
>Evidently I didn't, but I think about 98% of my brain was reduced to
>nothingness and 2% saved it. I also feel certain that I'll have to "see" it
>again and I'm afraid of what it will do to me.
> 
>Does anyone understand how this feels?

boy that sounds scary, but i know what you mean. I didn't remember most of what
happened to me until i was 12, and that's to young for anyone to have to deal 
with that shit....I was being molested at the time but i didn't think about my
past, when i remembered it made the present that much harder... 

>-Anne

Renee
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower)
Subject: Re: Followup on advice needed
Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand.
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 10:37:08 GMT

In article <1992Aug28.031308.23592@colorado.edu> bear@tigger.cs.Colorado.EDU (Bear Giles) writes:
>In article <Bto1nt.Lys@comp.vuw.ac.nz> Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower) writes:
>>The very fact that she invested time in talking to you, indicates that
>>there is still a chance.  Take it slowly, and don't expect rapid
>>changes for the better.
>
>As I read it, she invested time in hope that Gavin would crawl on his
>belly like the scum all men are....
>
>Sorry, but I did _not_ read this as an "I'm still interested, but for
>my own reasons I need to keep my distance."  If that were the case, she
>would not have made a big deal of seeing the apology (asking about it,
>asking him to slide it under the door, etc) but refusing to see _him_.

If I went purely by my own experience, I would be inclined to agree
with you.  Maybe I'm too naively optimistic!  However, neither of us
are the commander in the field, he has to make his own assessment.


Gavin
-- 
Tomorrow's Society                              | flower_g@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
    Depends on                                   ----------------------------
Today's Children  - help us raise them properly! 
*******  These comments have no known correlation with dept. policy!  *******
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Survivor in denial?
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 22:40:11 GMT

Heart Dancer (barbaraj@sacajawea.csc.ti.com) wrote:

: I  wrote:
: 
: >> She does not want to speak with you right now.  If you persist
: >> : trying to engage her in communication, no matter how well
: >> : intended, you are (1) harrassing her and (2) communicating that
: >> : within your friendship, her wishes are not as important as your
: >> : wishes.
: 
: Ed Carp responded:
:  
: >> Ah, but that is easier said than done.  When person A puts up a
: >> boundary against person B, it's easy for person A to justify
: >> putting up that barrier.  Current psychological thought maintains
: >> that A is justified in doing anything that A feels appropriate,
: >> including ignoring B's feelings about that particular barrier.
: 
: I *do* think we are each justified in setting boundaries that keep us as
: safe as we feel we need to be.  We are also responsible for the
: consequences of setting the boundaries.  It may be that the
: consequence of Scot's friend setting her boundary is that she loses
: the friendship of someone who could be a very real support to her.
: But I am not in a position to give her feedback.  She hasn't asked me.
: 
: I am only in a position to give Scot feedback.  My suggestion is that
: in terms of further communication with her, he might send her one
: final note letting her know that he will remain open to further
: communication when she is ready.  To do anything more than that, in
: the face of a consistent message from her, is codependent at best, and
: harassment at worst.
: 
: Who is he (or you or I) to judge how she should react to him.  Who is
: he (or you or I) to judge her recovery process.

How interesting a double standard you present!  You judge him as a harasser
if he reacts to her in a certain way, yet refuse judgement on *anything* she
would do to him?  Sounds fishy to me...

This is the conundrum of current psychological theory regarding the treatment
of abuse disorders - it says that one party has more rights than another,
and that party should *take* those rights, by force if necessary.  Doesn't
this strike you as a bit lopsided?
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: volz@ravl.rice.edu (Vivian Elyse Volz)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: I'm here
Date: 31 Aug 1992 06:25:53 GMT
Organization: Rice University

I'm here.  I'm not lurking, I'm learning.  I'm learning who is on this 
newsgroup, and learning that it's a safe place to post.  I'm learning
what's sensitive to the people here, and what takes spoiler warnings to
say.  I'm learning about myself by seeing how my experiences are like
those of others here.

By the same token, you who have been brave enough to post need to know
who is listening to you.  I am, but I'm the quiet listener who'll hold
your hand if you want and say "yes, go on..."

By Teresa Kline's definition, with which I agree, I guess I am healed.
It is true that my abuse has not gone away, but it has stopped ruling
my life.  There have been several milestones: my first whole week 
without crying; the first time I felt strong enough to make decisions
that weren't based on fear; the first time telling my lover about my
abuse wasn't primarily a landmine warning.  

I am always learning _how_ my abuse is part of my life.  Understanding what
part it plays allows me to take it into consideration in my life 
decisions instead of reacting to it.  Learning is empowering.

There is hope!  

There are hugs here for you.  I am with you all.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay (Crystal Bell)
Subject: One more time.
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 19:51:49 GMT

 Hello, I'm going to try this yet again. We're having trouble with our
news feed so this hasn't been able to get out yet (This is the fourth time
I've tried sending this. I'm about ready to give up. ) If any of my previous 
tries got out nobody acknowledged them so I'm trying again. Anyways My name
is Crystal . I'm nineteen and I have been sold to men by of of my mothers 
(Many) boyfriends I was sexually abused for about two months straight daily 
by one of my uncles. And then again by another uncle when I was twelve. 
I am sick and tired of being considered the type of person who can handle 
everything. My social Worker keeps telling me to see a shrink (There is one 
specific one she wants me to see But she is *Always* On holidays.) I think I 
am going to go crazy if I don't talk about this to someone who understands the 
pain and .... suffering? i've been going through over the last few years 
trying to deal with this (Effectively) Ha Ha Ha I'm beginning to firmly 
believe that nothing will stop the nightmares. Help!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              **Crystal**
Will someone please E-mail Me??? 
cryst%belay@uunet.uu.net
Thanks muchly.

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: scott_silverstein@yccatsmtp.ycc.yale.edu 
Subject: advice sought
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: Yale University
Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1992 20:29:36 GMT

I had a mid-30's woman friend who relates a history of sexual abuse by a
now-deceased relative.  She'd been in a number of dysfunctional
relationships with men over the past decade.

Trying to be her friend has been a roller coaster from day 1.
If I behave nicely, she suspects "manipulation."  She says she
doesn't understand the attraction, is not sure she deserves good
people or things.  That maybe everything that goes wrong in her life
is her fault.  Calm talking gets nowhere.  She talks endlessly about "how
men are all scum." My confrontation with her about these behavior patterns
led to (I fear) a permanent end of a friendship; I lost my temper after a
few months of this.

She had attached herself to another woman who is divorced and very bitter
as well, which I feel is not the best kind of person for her to be hanging
around with.  

My friends told me (several times) to "ditch big time."  Yet I'm not that
way.

Comments or suggestions appreciated.  Thanks.
From: v130py5w@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Renee M Sparling)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: sunrise, sunset...sunrise, sunset...
Date: 2 Sep 92 12:23:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

>anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear) writes:
>  I tried ice.  It worked sort of...it postponed the cutting, and I htink
>I didn't do it as deep as I might have.  I also wrote on my arm with red
>marker; not love mmessages but hate and blood but at least I wrote it
>instead of cutting it.  

poohbear,

i've been thinking about you alot lately, i doubt i'm good at giving you advice
because i cut to...
i have two things that keep me from seriously harming myself....

1) i don't want to have to go to the hospital and make up a story because
   i know they'll know i'm lying and lock me up...
2) i try to think about the future....if i ever get "well" having to look at the
   scars wouldn't help me. They would be a reminder of how bad i felt (or was).
   Everyday i'd be reminded of my past....and i want to be free of it...
   So when i think about cutting i just try to remember this

i don't know if this makes sense, like i said i'm not the best for advice, but
i'm doing better in controlling myself, i know how it feels to be over whelmed
with pain and emotions and to take a knife and cut, to watch the blood and to
feel the pain, hoping that all the hurt inside will be washed away with the
blood, and when it doesn't go away to cut more and deeper, and crying, and....
but there is a way out..my SO said something to me last week that i thought was
stupid but this week i don't think so, he said that i've got to learn to love
myself more....such a simple statement yet so hard to do sometimes.

peace love and E-HUGS***

Renee
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay (Crystal Bell)
Subject: Worlds shortest marriage
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 04:01:31 GMT

        Hello, how are all you people. Just want you all to know that you
are loved..... 
        OH NO!!!!!!!!!!   It's a Mushiness attack.
Anyways, I'm normal honest. I'm just thinking about My "childhood"  and My
mother. It's absolutely amazing. "childhood" is using the term loosely
After she lets Greg abuse Me sexually she allows Greg's brother Dwaine to 
abuse both herself and Me Neither of which she even tried to do anything 
about. I Mean I know she was being sexually abused By her father but that
should logically give her even more of a reason to need to protect me right?
Can someone explain this to me?  Onto subject... My Mother got married for
the fourth time a few weeks ago but she (as usual) only stayed married for 
two weeks. She broke her own record. That's the shortest marriage she's ever
had..... Let me guess You're asking yourself what all this has to do with
anything right? Well let me tell you. Every time she has a problem with a 
Lover, (oops I mean boyfriend) She calls me and expectss me to make it all 
better for her. Well guess what??? after nineteen (ish) years of being a 
mother to my mother. I finally decided (Actually it was when she told me 
very proudly that she had gotten married. When she knew I didn't like the
Guy) He has put her in the hospital at least once. When I got an eviction 
notice (The last in a string of a million things that went wrong.)
I decided that It wasn't worth it anymore. I'm not going to give her my new 
Phone Number. It is also unlisted. And you know I thought I'd hate myself 
for it and spend (No waste) a lot of money trying to find her again. 
I feel great!!!!! I have never felt better about myself. and about a 
decision I made. 
Well sorry for babbling. I just needed to talk and Basically couldn't decide
which of you to write so I just posted. 
                                        **Crystal**
P.S. You are all Loved!!!!!!!!!! I mean it.
From: tww@unagi.cis.upenn.edu (Bill Wells)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Apology for the interruption....
Date: 4 Sep 92 13:42:18 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania


Due to a hung modem line, twwells.com has been out of
communication for about two days. Sorry about that.
The problem is fixed. (I'm posting from this other account
because my phone line is currently tied up dealing with
the backlog.)

Why do these problems always happen when I leave town? :-) I'm
away at a SF convention and will not be posting much until I
get back, late next week.

There is one  thing that I must comment on before I get back, though.

Twice, now, Ed Carp has s said that I used the APS to get Relkie's
e-mail address. This is false. I will have more to say when I
get back, and after Mr. Carp explains himself.

Bill Wells, bill@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: monthly APS announcement
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 13:31:24 GMT

cloister bell (cloister@milton.u.washington.edu) wrote:

: AARGH!  FRUSTRATION!
: take it to *E-MAIL* please, you two.  i don't think anyone on asar has any
: misconceptions about this whole situation, and i *don't* think that it needs to
: be hashed out on asar in hostile tones, implied or overt.
: ahem.  ok.  i feel better now...

I'm glad you feel better now. <grin>  I haven't seen any other posts from
Bill, so I guess the matter is closed.
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aw@sei.cmu.edu (Anne Wulffraat)
Subject: Re: late at night
Organization: Software Engineering Institute
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1992 15:35:20 GMT

Jasmyne-

I wanted to write wonderful, inspirational things because I know exactly how
you feel. I know you feel alone, and I know you really doubt yourself. But
you're not making it up, you're not a witch and I'd lay money on it that
you ARE beautiful. Try to believe in the good even through the bad. Someday
you'll know you're right.

Hang in there.
-Anne