Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 11:42:02 -0400 
From: Mark Beirne Lively <ml5a+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Never Never Land pt3

Fade to Hell on Earth with full cast standing around staring at disappearing
mermaid:

Narrator:  When we last left our stalwart adventurers, they were standing on a
beach that would make Coney Island  look like Waikiki.  They had just
discovered
that the cause of the tradegy to befall Never Never Land was due to the
kidnapping of Peter Pan.

Rexiana Thumbulina Efflataus Crominary:  Now that that Cheezy Voice Over is
finished.  We have to go save Peter, he's trapped on the Pirate ship.

Cheezy Voice Over:  Hey I resemble that remark!  If you are going to be that
way about it <scratch> <scratch> <scribble>

That Damn Pixie:  What did you do this time?  What!  I can't possibly be called
that.  I want my glorious name back!  I fought hard for the past couple of
weeks to be called something besides teh pixie, and NOW it's that damn pixie!
Un Uh! No Way!  Read my contract ( Pixie whips out a massive scroll of paper
several times her size and unfurls it)  See Subparagraph 3 paragraph 24 Sub-
section D Section 32DD states that, and I quote,  "Where as the party of the
twenty third part hereafter mention as the party of the first part and priorly
the party of the second part will not be subject to derogotory, demeaning or
degrading actions, events or language, except as contractually stated in
chapter 21 verses 10 through 21 of the book of Leviticus and when in the
state of Nevada (prohib-
iting the negation of the aforementions contractual arangement)

Bear:  Wait a minute whos writing this?  I didn't approve that contract and I
AM THE PRODUCER.

TDP:  You don't have to approve it!  I'm forcing you to agree.  I'm Union.

Bear:  So that means that you still have to perform!  Now lets see if we can
get this right.  Otherwise both of you  are going to be written out.

TDP:  But we already have two days of filming under our belts.

B:  I'm sorry, you must have confused me for someone who actually cares.

TDP <Bops Bear>

TDP:  My contract says you still have to pay me.

B:  Nope.  Check Subparagraph S Paragraph P  Subsection I Section T Chapter
E.  The party of the nullith part being the producer is allowed to terminate
any talent, technical staff, or other employee with cause for internal
disagreements with other people in the aforementioned catagories in order to
promote group loyalty.  Such persons terminated will be paid in proportion
to time on screen verses total length of the picture less the cost of replacing
said person and repairing and real, physical, emotional or property damage done
by said person.
    Now what that all boils down to is - you have caused me loads of problems
and I can fire you, but I still have to pay you for the time you were on.
But I get to subtract am amount which is arbitrary.  I could even finds a
shrink to prescribe a trip to the Bahamas and list you as the proximal cause
and deduct that.
    TAKE THAT YOU DAMN PIXIE!

TDP:  But that would only be a small chunk of pay....

All but B and TDP:  What!!!!

Mermaid:  We work for scale!

B:  I realize that, but I mean these other people may have the same trauma,
right guys?

ALL:  Ug, I feel ill.(ad lib)

B to TDP:  You going to play ball?

TDP: (Gulp) Yes sir

<Fade to Black>

Cathy(Voice Over) : Um Mark, just where was that supposed to be going?

B (Voice Over) : Can't you see it's quite obvious that...



	Whoever can figure out what the punchline is gets a free drink on me. 
Any acceptable punchlines count.  I'll the list of solutions next week
sometime.

"What would happen if gravity went by the cube of the distance and we
tweaked the universal gravity constant up a little bit?"
"How much is a little bit."
"Only a few orders of magnitude."
Bear aka the Lord High Rulebender aka (ML5A@ANDREW.CMU.EDU)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans