From: tnelson@ncrcan.Canada.NCR.CA (Tim Nelson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Canonical List of Dead Baby Jokes
Date: 5 Jan 93 14:53:35 GMT
Distribution: world
Organization: NCR Canada Ltd. Mississauga, Ontario

The Canonical List of Dead Baby Jokes
=====================================

Revision History
05 Jan 93 - initial release of someone elses list and my changes

Posting Frequency = bi-monthly (every 2 months)

Table of Contents
1) Intro
2) The LIST

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INTRO
-----
The following is a list of Dead Baby jokes, which I picked up and expanded
on, with some reordering to remove some of my duplicates, and show different
versions of questions and answers.

Format: 1) Different versions of the same question or answer are listed
           together in a single questions/answer set, as Q1, Q2, Q3 or
           A1, A2, A3...
        2) Non-related jokes are separated by a line with "----------"

To add to the list, please send me your joke via email, and it will likely
be included in the next release.

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The Canonical List of Dead Baby Jokes
(Sorry, but they had to be told!)
(( ok, I'm NOT sorry!!!! ))

* Warning, if you are easily offended by Dead Baby Jokes,
  DON'T read any further.

----------

Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.

Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same baby three weeks later.

----------

Q: What's red and sits in a highchair?
A: A baby eating razor-blades.

----------

Q: What is red and white and squirms in the corner?
A: Dead Baby playing with razor blades.

Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a corner?
A: Same baby 3 weeks later.

Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.

Q: What's blue and sits in the corner?
A1: Baby in a cellophane bag.
A2: Dead Baby playing with saranwrap.

Q: What is green and sits in the corner?
A: Same dead baby two weeks later!

----------

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A1: Fill a glass with root beer, and add a scoop of ice cream and a scoop of
    dead baby.
A2: One glass of Root Beer and two scoops of baby.
    (If on a diet use only one scoop)
A3: Add 8 ounces of Coke-Cola with 2 scoops of dead baby.

Q: And where did you get these babies?
A: Abortion Clinic.

Q: (At Abortion clinic) "Boy, what are these people doing?
   I can't get in because they block my way.  I want my float!"
A: They are pro-life people.  They don't like sweet stuffs.

----------

Q1: What's red and white and bubbles all over?
Q2: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window?
Q3. What is brown and taps on a window?
Q4: What's pink and red and bangs on the window ?
Q5: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass?
A: A baby in the microwave.

Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds?
A: Dead baby in a carousel microwave!
	(works best if told while in a swivel chair)

----------
 
Q1: What is red and swings back and forth?
Q2: What's pink and red and sways back and forth, back and forth...?
Q3: What's red and hangs four feet off the floor?
A:  Dead baby on a meathook.

----------

Q: How do you know when an Elephant has  been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead!
 		(damn elephants get into everything!)

----------

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken

Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was stapled to the koala.

Q: Why did the tree fall over?
A: The koala never let go.

Q: Why did the kangaroo die?
A: Because the koala landed on it.

Q: What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall?
A: Pulling them off.

----------

Q1: What's red and white and goes 'round and 'round?
Q2: What goes red white, red red, white white red...?
Q3: What is pink and red and goes round and round?
Q4: What's pink and with a flick of a switch turns red?
Q5: What's red and chunky and travels, in a circle, at 190 mph ?
A: A baby in a blender

Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face!

Q1: How do you get 1000 dead babies in a phone booth?
Q2:  How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl?
A1: La' Machine!
A2: Use a blender

Q: How do you get it out?
A: With a straw!

----------

Q: What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage can?
A: Ten dead babies in a garbage can.

Q: What is worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage can?
A: One dead baby in a ten garbage cans.

----------

Q: What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass?
A: Make a coffee table.

----------

Q: What is easier to unload, a truck full of Dead Babies or a truck full
   of bowling balls?
A: Dead Babies, you can use a pitchfork

Q: What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck
   load of bricks?
A: You can't use a pitchfork on bricks.

Q: What's the difference between a barrel of water and a barrel of babies?
A: You can't shovel water with a pitchfork.

Q: How do you load 100 screaming babies onto a truck?
A: A pitchfork.

Q: How do you unload a truck full of babies?
A: With a pitchfork.

Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
A: So you can tell which ones are still alive.

Q: How do you know when you hit a live one?
A: The pitchfork shakes

Q: How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
A: Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.

Q: What is worse than that?
A: At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way out

Q: What is worse than that?
A: It made it

Q: What is worse than that?
A: It went back for seconds!

----------

Q: How is a baby like a grape?
A: They both give a little wine when you squish them.

----------

Q: What's small, red, and can't turn around in corridors?
A: A baby with a javelin through its head.

----------

Q: What does a dingo call a baby in a pram?
A: Meals on wheels.

----------

Q: What is pink, and with the flick of a switch, goes black?
A: A baby playing with a powerpoint.

----------

Q: What's black and furry and crawls across WA?
A: A baby covered in Funnel-Web spiders.
   (ed. someone want to explain this to me?)

----------

Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.

----------

Q: What's red, sits in the front of mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

----------

Q: What's the proper gift for a dead baby?
A: A dead puppy.

----------

Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion!

----------

Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.

----------

Q: What is red and hangs around in trees?
A: A baby that was hit by a snow thrower.

Q: What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A: A baby run over by a lawn mower.

Q: What's red, white and green and is spread all over the lawn?
A: Same baby, two months later.

----------

Q: Why don't dead babies drive BMWs?
A: Because BMW jokes are almost as old as dead baby jokes!  Sheish!!  Get a
   life, why don't you?!

----------

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with.

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Tim.Nelson@Canada.NCR.CA
NCR Canada +1 416 819 4112
-- 
Tim.Nelson@Canada.NCR.CA
NCR Canada +1 416 819 4112
Newsgroups: rec.humor