From: afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Subject: Re: Hunt them down and kill them (ALSO Advice on Long Distance Romance)
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
Date: 12 Oct 1992 13:03 EST  

In article <1992Oct10.053941.27696@netcom.com>, marcia@netcom.com (Marcia) writes...
>In article <2OCT199212024732@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov> afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison) writes:
>>Very `Zen' of you, Glen. Revenge serves no one. Still, wouldn't it be fun to 
>>take that piece of raw bleeding tissue that *once* was your heart out and force 
>>that other person to look at it ... 
>>
>>to see their own handiwork... 
> 
>No. Because then you might be forced to look at the bleeding hearts that you
>have caused....

Moi ? Never ! :-)

Oh, alright ... once in a while things haven't worked out, but there are 
ways and there are ways ... total honesty in a relationship doesn't take 
the hurt *away*, but it lets one walk away with a feeling of closure, a 
feeling of `Well, I can see why this had to end, though I still love her/
him'. I've experienced both kinds, and the latter is far and away the 
easiest to recover from.

Oh, and BTW, I *live* with the bleeding hearts *I* have caused... once 
someone gets inside of me, they are there forever regardless of where the 
relationship ends up. Funny, this metaphor lends itself well to another one 
I've been struggling with lately. I've come to believe that the space 
inside me is limited ... that someday, whether I've found that `forever' 
person or not, there will simply be no room left to try again. This may 
just be the romantic way of looking at bitterness or cynicism.

Any comments, folks ? 

> 
>>Not revenge, just make them realize what they are doing so they can modify 
>>their behavior and perhaps stop lying to others (and, no doubt, themselves) 
>>about their wants and needs and, in that process, manufacture pain for both 
>>parties. 
> 
>I think you're assuming that the behavior is avoidable. 

All behavior is modifiable given sufficient motivation.

>Sometimes you are stuck with a really painful choice: leave, and hurt 
>the person some now, or stay, and hurt you both infinitely more in the 
>future. Sometimes s/he just doesn't love you. 

I'm not talking about love that fades... I'm talking about love that never 
was. Surely, women out there have been lied to for cheap (or expensive, 
depending on the restaurant) sex... I've seen these relationships, based on 
a lie to begin with, drawn out over a long period of time. I find these 
creatures heartless and cold, and perhaps in the final analysis, showing 
them the damage they did would only serve to increase their satisfaction. 

Still, *I* for one would find it enjoyable in certain cases...

Call me crazy... :-)

> 
>I've been hurt down to the quick. I've also hurt others. It's worse to hurt
>others. I can't see how people would do something like that lightly.

Oooh, Marcia... while I share your belief in the human spirit, I have to 
tell you such creatures exist who take the heart *very* lightly. 


-- Stephen

     Though *believing* in things often wounds the spirit, *not* believing 
     in anything will eventually kill it. Therefore, *dream* ... and accept 
     the costs as reasonable.
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