From: tyadav@athena.mit.edu (Tapesh Yadav)
Subject: knowing who is right for you......
Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 21:34:35 GMT

===================================
 mgundeko@ad-6.Naitc.Com (Murthy Gundekota) writes:
>
>The point being made in my article was unless you dated your opposite,
>how would you know who is right for you? Hearsay? Instinct? Sixth
>sense?  Arrangement? Astrology?

 To date the opposite/incompatible implies that you already know what is
 similar/compatible. 

 There are two ways to know who is right for you:
   - sample everyone
   - know yourself

   Sampling everyone is a decent strategy. One meets everyone who would say
 yes, to lunch or whatever. And keep accepting or rejecting whatever one 
 discovers. It is like solving an equation by trial and error. Pick random
 solutions, check it out, then dump it - repeat till the error is minimum.
 As in mathematics, this strategy is unproductive and painful. This strategy
 is painful because all the rejected solutions bother you, make you bitter, 
 waste your time, etc. This strategy is unproductive too, IMO, because the
 joy and ecstasy that one finds with Real Love and The Compatibles is
 missed out by random sampling. Meeting people isn't the goal, meeting
 interesting/quality people is the goal.  
 Nevertheless, for many - particularly those who don't know what else to
 do - this is the convenient method. 

   Knowing oneself is the key, I think. Introspect on who you are? what you
 like? What you enjoy doing? What makes you go pitter-patter? What values
 you admire and are comfortable with? And then, be who you are. Love yourself.
 Stand by yourself. As you become more comfortable with "yourself," you 
 will come to identify/know your types - by their behavior, by what they say, 
 by how they say it, by their life style.... Once you start identify them,
 just go for it - Approach, chat, read body language, ask for phone number,
 more chat, lunch, more lunch, dinner, weekend....... 
 (Personally, I find, mature individuals have initiatives both ways - I
 have asked women out; and women have asked me out. So above applies to 
 both sexes. Women reading this post can, perhaps, relate more.) 
 To complete the math analogy, I mentioned abve, this strategy is more like
 solving the equation more systematically. If you are not getting the solution,
 instead of blaming this world, look inwards. Something is wrong somewhere.
 The best solution begins with you.

>...[delete]...
> Whatever your
>reason is, a person's true beauty lies below the skin, and possibly be
>discovered on the bed when it is all dark, 

 It depends what is "beauty" for you. Sex is one of the beautiful things
 one can share. But there are lots of others, that as you say, lies
 within. Sex can become very stale if there is nothing else to a relationship. 
 And the principles behind good, exciting, earth shaking sex are very 
 similar to those behind exploring mind, values and just walking in the rain
 holding her hands.

>and dating without
>preconceived notions or presumptions is one way to meet interesting
>people. 

 Agreed that dating without preconceived notions or presumptions helps
 meet interesting people. It also helps to learn how to find what makes
 people interesting. How to know people. How to discover facts and reality.
 How not to get overwhelmed and over anxious.

 In summary, the best advice is "Take care of yourself."
 Know what you want. Do what you want.

T.Y.
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tyadav@athena.mit.edu