HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Won't have Sex with a Fat Guy
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 92 18:08:26 GMT

In article <1992Oct13.161621.6126@bnr.ca> P.8188 writes:
>A girlfriend of mine has been married for several years (16).  She is
>in very good shape and her husband has put on several layers of fat 
>on his frame.  
>
>She is totally turned off by his naked appearance to a point where 
>she doesn't want to have sex with him anymore.  She has hinted around
>a bit in an indirect way but nothing seems to matter what she says 
>to him.
>
>Lately, she came out and told him if he didn't lose weight, she wouldn't
>have sex with him anymore.  He was very upset (to say the least) and is
>showing signs of depression.  Now, she has come to me for advice.  
>I think she has handled this all wrong! 
>
>Okay Net people, what should she do about her marital problem? I think
>she loves him but not his fat!
>
I agree. The way she has handled it is unlikely to get her what she 
wants. 

First, withholding sex is a punishment, at least from his point of
view. Punishment associates something unpleasant with a behavior
that you want stopped. But in this case the behavior is eating
too much or exercising too little, yet the punishment is for
being fat. He's not going to learn anything that way.

Second, withholding sex is going to make him feel unattractive. When
people feel unattractive, they stop thinking about how the look because
it is depressing, and so they are unlikely to do anything to look better.

Third, losing weight takes time, so any incentives or disincentives
need to be ones that can be repeated frequently.

So, I think she needs to convince him that she still finds him
attractive, but she would like him better if he lost weight.  She needs
to consistently reinforce him when he behaves in the the appropriate way
(eating less or exercising more). Someone else suggested that she
exercise with him, and make it into a togetherness thing. The same
could be done with meals. Also, she could convince him that sex will
be better for him if he is in shape, not because he will look better 
to her, but because he will feel better.


Michael.
From: tom@vexcel.com (Tom Baltzer)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: When guys lose their tempers
Date: 14 Oct 92 23:17:46 GMT
Organization: VEXCEL Corporation, Boulder CO

In article <Bw39qF.M56@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU> stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews) writes:
>> guys who hit their girlfriends....
>
>Don't deserve girlfriends.
>
>There is, in my opinion NEVER NEVER EVER any excuse to hit one's girlfriend.

IMHO there is NEVER NEVER EVER any excuse to hit anyone!  LEAST of all 
one's girl/boyfriend it's just stupid.

I much prefer to try to "agree to disagree" rather than let it get to
such bullshit baser instincts.  

just my $0.02.

Tom.
>
>I could go on for ages about bullies, weak men, weak girls putting up with
>it etc etc etc. I'm sure others will. I thing the above two lines say it all
>though, no ifs or buts.
>
>If your boyfriend hits you, no excuses, dump him. If he continues to hassle
>you, go to the police. Have him warned or charged if necessary. It is a 
>criminal offence in most places I guess (certainly here in NSW, Australia -
>the NSW Crimes act Section 61 takes care of Common Assault with a max $2000
>fine and/or 2 years jail - and that's just common assault, then there's
>assault occasioning actual bodily harm, grevious b.h. sex assault, dozens
>
>I think that, hard as it is when the person concerned is a SO, that to
>press charges is necessary. The $2K and 2 years is a bit big. Usually a $500
>fine will be more common for a first offence and a guilty plea.
>
>The only way to stop these guys is to show them the can't get away with it.
>If they hit you and you let them go they will find someone else and hit them
>instead.
>
>that's my $0.02 worth.
>
>Geoffrey.
>
>#Disclaimer: This posting is my opinion and not legal advice. Obtain proper
>             legal advice before following the opinions I have given.
>             (That's just so you don't sue me later!!!!!)
>
>Geoff
>.
>
>-- 
>Geoffrey Breach                       | "Never ask your murder-suspect client  
>(masquerading as stuarta)             |  if they did it. They might answer
>AWA Communications. Lane Cove, Sydney |  your question. And then where will
>Australia. Voice 61,2 413 6333        |  you be?"  Horace Rumpole, of the Bailey
>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>AWA Communications don't know I'm doing this and CSIRO think I'm somebody else
>so I'm afraid that the only person responsible for this posting can be me!
>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: Grant Venables <GV@nowhere.ca>
Subject: Re: American High School & bits......
X-Xxmessage-Id: <A6F8B54EB2012DF0@passed.by>
X-Xxdate: Thu, 8 Oct 92 01:39:58 GMT
Organization: Venables Rehabilitation Centre for Overfed Squid.
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 22:43:43 GMT

In article <1992Oct1.100053.15990@husc13.harvard.edu> ,
peregrin@husc13.harvard.edu writes:

 [various bits & pieces about horrendous-sounding American high school
rituals deleted]

 Egad! That is truly obscene! Makes me feel quite glad that I went to
school in Canada and not the US. We had high school grad and the like,
but it was pretty damn relaxed compared to this prom business, judging by
your description. I mean, most of my friends didn't feel obligated to ask
someone out, etc. Still less spend large sums on fancy dress and
limousines. Of course, my experience may not reflect a typical (if that's
possible) Canadian experience... And it was a while back...

 Oh, someone wanted to know what "chuffed" means. It means "pleased,"
basically. "Right chuffed," etc.

 gv
From: bushmanangel@bvc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Help! What should I do? (Very long)
Date: 7 Oct 92 16:18:06 CDT
Organization: Buena Vista College, Storm Lake, IA

In article <2927505459.3.p00139@psilink.com>, p00139@psilink.com (Raistlin Majere) writes:
>
> 	 You are also not taking into
> 	account the "lost puppy" syndrome of 90% of the female gender.
> 	(AH! That sounds more like the ol' *me*)

> 		"Women are often thought to be profound.
> 	 	 Why? Because they are percieved to have great
> 		 depth - Women aren't even shallow!....."
> 				 	- Freiderich Nietzsche
> *****************************************************************************
> 	      Raistlin Majere @ Tower of High Sorcery - Palanthas
> *****************************************************************************


I could say EXACTLY the same thing about most men, but rather than 
perpetuate stereotyes, I'd rather just say that those of us who do not 
consider ourselves "lost puppies" would never date an a**hole like you.

Angela
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: barry@geovision.gvc.com (Barry Comer)
Subject: Re: Advice-Summer romance
Organization: Not officially GeoVision Systems Inc., Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Distribution: na
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 18:07:07 GMT

Dawna:

	Summer romances can be a hard thing to deal with when the people 
	involved return to different schools.  It sounds like you are 
	making a serious effort to find out where you stand with no
	feedback from him.  You say that he has not responded to the 
	two letters you wrote him and that you hear he is spending 
	a lot of time with his old SO.  When in a relationship, I like 
	to have everything out on the table.  If the other person wants 
	to know something, all they have to do is ask.
	If there is something I want to know, I will ask the other person
	directly.  Dawna you need to get this fellow on the phone and ask 
	him directly what he wants from you.  If he wants to continue 
	seeing you, then work it out.  If he does not, then get on with 
	things and enjoy yourself.  This may seem cold and to the point,
	but it beats the hell out of "Gee I wonder if he still likes me?".
	I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out.

$0.03(inflation)
Barry

P. S.  Remember the net can only offer advice.  If it sounds valid
			 then try it, if not, forget it.  People offer advice based on
			 the info given to them, only you know the whole story.

Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
From: slf@netcom.com (Sharon Fisher)
Subject: Re: Flirting (was Re: Nice Guys?)
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 17:26:59 GMT

I get the feeling that, for some people here, 

flirt = talk with me but won't go out with me

slut = talk with me, won't go out with me, but will go out with
someone else

In other words, it's expected that the only reason a woman would
possibly talk to a guy is because she's interested in dating him, and
if she doesn't, then she's leading him on.

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: michael@gandalf.moria (Michael Haardt)
Subject: Re: How long has it been?
Reply-To: u31b3hs@pool.informatik.rwth-aachen.de (Michael Haardt)
Organization: An old and gray machine, somewhere in Moria.
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 92 22:21:41 +0100
Return-Path: <u31b3hs@pool.informatik.rwth-aachen.de>

In article <1992Oct9.153052.23528@news.ysu.edu>, ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott) writes:
>>mneeley@nyx.cs.du.edu (Mark Neeley) writes:
>>
>>>How long has it been since you were kissed by a member of
>>>the opposite sex?
>>>
>>>	Mark (almost a year)
>>
>>
> hmm... well, it's been roughly 59 days, 16 hours and a few 
> odd (very odd!) minutes since my sweetie headed back to 
> Sheffield, England..... (5500 miles away)

Over 5 months, oh well.  I cross my fingers that we can meet again over
christmas..... (a few thousand miles away too, better not count them)

But then again, remembering *her* kisses :-) ... awwww :-))

Michael "thinks of his sweetheart"
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: What to bring on a first date?
From: <MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET>
Date: Monday, 12 Oct 1992 00:16:19 EDT
Organization: Miami University - Academic Computer Service

I have a question for everyone.  I have been out of the dating scene for about
six years and now I find myself back in there.  My question is What is the
best thing to bring on a first date?   Thanks for any and all advice.
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marc Butcher                   | I may not agree with what you say but I'm
MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.ACS.MUOHIO.EDU | willing to defend to the death your right to
                               | speak it. (apologies to whomever)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: christin@cae.wisc.edu (Christine Haas)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: For My Brother
Date: 16 Oct 92 01:08:04 GMT
Organization: U of Wisconsin-Madison College of Engineering

Hi,

I am posting this for my brother who is looking for a female
with which to correspond by U.S. mail (he does not have computer
access.)

He is 29 years old, brown hair, brown eyes, 6' tall, and being
his little sister, I have no clue how much he weighs.  

He wants to write letters to someone on the basis of a friendship.

If you are interested, please e-mail me and I will tell you more
and give you his address.

Thanks.

Chris.  :)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: j-grout@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (grout john robert)
Subject: Spontaneity (was Re: How do you tell a girl your feelings?)
Reply-To: j-grout@uiuc.edu
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 16:55:03 GMT

AVERNON1@ua1vm.ua.edu (Andrew Vernon) writes:

> In <1at65rINN6cr@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> cf017@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Christopher P Readence) writes:
>>
>>>I've known her for almost 5 years now.  I think she liked me when
>>>we first met, but I wasn't interested because she was 16 and
>>>I was 20.  Aside from the age issue, she was and is my closest
>>>friend -- we think think almost totally alike.
>>>In the past year, I've noticed her acting more and more like "more
>>>than a friend".  I told her I wanted to be friends, and that's all,
>>>but I've noticed that my feelings for her have been leaning
>>>towards romantic love and not, as I've told her, platonic love.
>>
>>>We're really good friends, and I know she'll still be a friend if
>>>I tell her my feelings, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to if she
>>>tells me "LJBF".  What should I do, just come out and say it, that
>>>I'm crazy about her now, or should I first do a little probing to
>>>see if she's still interested?
> 
>Guideline number one: DON'T DO IT!!!! Every female friend I've approached
>in this situation, save one, has turned on me. Enjoy what you have and
>for God's sake don't mess it up.
> 

I believe that natural, continuing male-female spontaneity (e.g.,
light-hearted flirting, teasing) is necessary for a romantic interest to
develop between two people.  I also believe that most of the "date first" vs.
"friends first" arguments boil down to taste; some people prefer to be dating
someone before allowing such spontaneity to develop, and others want to wait
to date until the spontaneity has developed: to each his, or her, own.

Without this spontaneity, the trust in an existing male-female friendship
could easily be damaged or lost by either person steering things in a romantic
direction.  Of course, either person might decide that a friendship in which
one person is really attracted to the other but in which there's no basis for
romantic interest is more a liability than an asset.

Either of you could _try_ to start a little spontaneity (e.g., with some
light-hearted flirting)... but I wouldn't try anything even vaguely "romantic"
if the other person didn't respond positively.  You are unlikely to find out
whether or not there's any chance for something to develop between you unless
you try to create some sparks, but keep it light to avoid damaging the
friendship (this can be tricky).

-- 
John R. Grout			| INTERNET: j-grout@uiuc.edu
From: moore7004@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What to bring on a first date?
Date: 12 Oct 92 21:19:08 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

In article <92286.001619MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET>, <MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET> writes:
> I have a question for everyone.  I have been out of the dating scene for about
> six years and now I find myself back in there.  My question is What is the
> best thing to bring on a first date?   Thanks for any and all advice.

Bring your bad self, that's what.
From: caross@acsu.buffalo.edu (Christian Ross)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Nice Guys?
Date: 13 Oct 92 16:00:51 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: UB

jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu (jason 'Think!' steiner) writes:

>aras@athena.mit.edu writes:
>> 
>> >>ttocek@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu (Tomas (too much) Tocek) writes:
>> >>>>>>  I know a girl at MIT currently studying for her PhD in 
>> >>>>>>  Physics Her specilization is quantam mechanics and this 
>> >>>>>>  girl is on fire!
>> 
>> >>>After all what good is a gorgeous girl with no brain/personality 
>> >>>????
>> 
>> >I'd expect an MIT PhD Physics student to have at least a brain.  
>> >Personality, well, that's a different issue.

>oh, they'll have personality all right. i doubt there's a single 
>physics major in the world who isn't certifiably insane. :^)
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>the thought of "gorgeous girls" in that category makes me (to quote
>Dr. Frank N. Furter) "OOHoohoohoohoo!"

Watch it buddy. I resemble that remark.

>> Ouch!  Can I say ouch now?  That really hurts...
>> ...being from there and all.  Maybe you ought to go
>> up there and meet some :)

>talk about your basic mindbending experience...

>jason "and i actually had the gall to think CS majors were strange" steiner

>--
>`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`
>`,`     "Stark raving sane." -- Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead     `,`
>`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,` jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu ,`,`,`

-- 
Christian Ross | caross@acsu.buffalo.edu | (716)645-4163 | Cryptokey Available
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: dks@sr.com (Dave K. Sprow)
Subject: Re: When guys lose their tempers
Reply-To: dks@srhqla.UUCP (Dave K. Sprow)
Organization: Silent Radio, Los Angeles
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 17:56:04 GMT

In article <9gzzm7n@rpi.edu> petitc@rpi.edu writes:
>In article <1992Oct12.170234.10455@bsu-ucs.uucp>, 01ksdavis@bsu-ucs.uucp (Rebel without a clue.) writes:
>
>|> 	Curious, though.  Nobody ever talks about the other way around.  Guess
>|> a guy's welfare doesn't amount to a hill of beans in today's world.
>
>  This is more related to the old stereotype, dude.  Women were supposed to be
>the senesitive ones whereas men were supposed to be the 'strong, silent type'
>and therefore, ideally, not to have emotions.  It's changing only now, but it's
>a very slow process.
>
>-- 
>Trust:  A very precious social commodity, due both to high value and terrible
>scarcity.
>MATWDTM:  Mothers Against Teenagers Who Drink Too Much (failed name for MADD)
>
>Interesting this getting mentioned now.  My roommate had arrangements to
go watch Mon Nite Football last night with a couple friend.  When he went
over the guy had a black eye. bruises on both arms etc from damage his
'girlfriend' had inflicted the night before.  Now, my roommate and I live
in entirely different worlds.  I mentioned to him that if any woman acted
physically under any circumstances, I would be out of there in a second.
Why would a guy or a girl hang around under this kind of circumstance?!?

David S.


>
>
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What to bring on a first date?
Date: 12 Oct 92 23:23:26 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <92286.001619MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET> MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET writes:
>I have a question for everyone.  I have been out of the dating scene for about
>six years and now I find myself back in there.  My question is What is the
>best thing to bring on a first date?   Thanks for any and all advice.
> 

1. Your date.
2. (Very important) Yourself.


Seriously, unless you already know your date well, I think the main thing
about the first date is to make it as painless as possible. There should
be food and plenty of time to talk. Make her comfortable, get to know
each other a little, and unless you are a horrible mismatch or she
is a total loser, you have the second date and so forth to do more
complicated things.

Michael.
Xref: sparky alt.romance:12685 alt.sex:32988
From: bunny@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Marsh)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
Subject: Re: Sex and Astrology
Date: 15 Oct 92 01:42:21 GMT
Organization: CS Dept, Ball St U, Muncie, Indiana



Naura Hayden's "Astrological Love" is *quite* impressive -
it's very detailed and the composite it creates is absolutely,
stunningly accurate in at least 7 cases I know of.  My friends
and I were fooling around with it and discovered that the
small, esoteric "accents" it places depending on what time
you were born and what planets were where really tend to
pinpoint characters and personality traits.

For laughs the three of us got together with some other friends
and had one person chart every one of us; we then read the
ensuing data and we were all able to figure out *exactly* who
each of the people was!  We first three didn't count ourselves
but we did have the other four read/review ours, too and the
four of them were able to guess each of the other six.

Look into it, it might surprise you!

Tracy, a Capricorn who isn't supposed to subscribe to this nonsense...
From: Joan Balser
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Where do I go from here?
Date: 13 Oct 92 16:41:54 GMT
Organization: Bell-Northern Research

It sounds to me that she is USING you when nothing else is going
on in her life.  Especially, when you said you couldn't get tickets
to a concert and all of a sudden there is a change of heart.  

I have GIRLFRIENDS who do the same to me!  They only call you up
when there is nothing exciting happening in their life or when 
they want to tell you all your problems.  

I think she isn't being HONEST with you and playing with your 
heart strings because she knows you would do anything for her 
at a drop of a hat.  

You deserve better than that!  DUMP HER for good!
From: stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Men.
Date: 9 Oct 92 11:00:10 GMT
Organization: CSIRO Division of Mathematics and Statistics, Australia

Kezzle writes...

>MEN
>They say they really love you
>But they never really do....

Hey man, that's a bit of a strong statement you've made there. I'm a bit
offended by it actually.  I'm a man, and that doesn't describe me.

Maybe you'd like to clarify the context of your poem. Have guys been giving
you a bum rap or summat?

Yeh I know that plenty of guys are bastards, but please not all of us, some
are nice - I try my hardest to be so. 

I've become a bit cynical sometimes and said a lot of the same stuff about
girls, but I don't think it's fair to blanket the whole lot as bad.
There's a whole stack (thousands) of people out there who aren't right for me
but somewhere there is ONE (and one is all I need!) for me.

Kinda incredible thing really, Somewhere right now, there is someone for me
(and for you) who is My Girl. We don't know each other yet (or maybe we do!)
but someone is living a life that will one day meet mine and viola!!! the
rest is history (in the making).

I'n kinda lonely right now, but it doesn't worry me a whole lot, my job as 
I see it is to live my life, enjoy, and be me. When it is time for My Girl
to show, She Will.

And Kezzle's Man will too. Please don't give up / get dicouraged because
of a few bad ones. I promise you, we're not all bad!

Good luck, and remember, smile - and enjoy life while you're waiting!!!

G

PS Someone said once you have to kiss a lot of toads before you meet a 
handsome prince - just hang in there man!


-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Geoffrey Breach                                   || "Imagination is more
(masquerading as stuarta)                         ||  important than knowledge"
AWA Communications                                ||
Lane Cove, Sydney, Australia. Voice 61,2 413 6333 ||            Albert Einstein
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What to bring on a first date?
From: "Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz" <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 08:51:29 -0400 
Organization: Engineering Design Research Center, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA

Excerpts from netnews.alt.romance: 14-Oct-92 Re: What to bring on a
firs.. by Thomas Grant Edwards@eng 
> >       Kind of forward on a first date?  Or is it hopeful nowadays? :-)
>  
> Better prepared than pregnant/dead, eh?

I thought this was alt.romance. I don't consider it very 'romantic' to
jump into bed on the first date. If sex is all that important that you
can't wait until the second date (or six months or a year, etc.) then
where's the romance in the relationship.

What to bring with you to the first date?

Well where did you plan to go? Dinner and a movie? Then yes money is
necessary. But maybe you're doing a picnic in the park? No money, but
food and a good ground cloth and maybe a little chair or two in case
one of you have problems with your knees. I don't think we know enough
about this 'first' date to give you good enough advice.

ag