From: jbrett@cch.coventry.ac.uk (Jonathan)
Subject: Re: E.D.Silly's Page(official version)
Summary: Do not eat !
Organization: Coventry University
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 09:10:34 GMT

In article <1992Nov06.152949.299763@magicbb.uucp> helgarth@magicbb.uucp (Adam Caplan) writes:
>I wouldn't mind hearing the GOAT NEWS. Do you have any hampster or COW news?? 
>
>
>helgarth the invincible		          
			  GOATS' PAGE
		   	  ~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes! Another British publishing first! A page entirely for goats... It 
contains: news,views,quizzes and features aimed specifically at horned
ruminants.

Hello, goats! First a quiz:

Quiz
~~~~
1.How many goats have stood for Parliament?
        a) 1
        b) 70
        c) none

2.What animal can swallow a sheep whole?
        a)a goat
        b)an anaconda

3.Who was the famous Notts and England fast bowler who figured in the body-
  line controversy of the early 1930s?
        a)Harold Larwood
        b)a goat

4.Which goat wrote 'Oliver Twist'?
        a)Smokey             b)Billy Boy
        c)Jacko              d)Tin-Tin
        e)Not a goat at all

Answers
~~~~~~~    
        1.None
	2.an anaconda
 	3.Harold Larwood
 	4.Not a goat at all

Quotes about goats
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
(What famous People have said about goats:)
 a) Milton: nothing
 b) Robespierre: nothing
 c) Dante: nothing
 d) William Pitt the Elder:"I must go and put a goat on" (poss. mis-heard-Ed.)
 e) Henry Ford: nothing
 f) Clodagh Rodgers: nothing
 g) Keith Miller (Great Australian all-rounder of the 1950's): nothing 

Where to eat in London for goats
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	a) Hyde park
	b) Regents park
        c) Hampstead Heath
  	d) The quality Restaurant, Tottenham street

Advice to goats
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
 1.Progressive tail-mange is best treated by eating the grass around
   Elm trees.
 2.Loss of beard-hair in nanny-goats is best treated by The Trichological
   Clinic, Mayfair (appointments only)
 3.It has come to our notice that boa-constrictors have been passing
   themselves off as goats in order to get into cheese commercials. 
   Check your contracts ! Ring: Goats' Equity.
 4.The long-awaited second volume of Prof. Hockstetter's absorbing study
   of Medival Church Life in Tuscanny Dei Fiorenze Angelici is to be 
   published next January by Eyre & Spottiswoode, price 6gns. It is best
   eaten uncooked or torn into little pieces with some nettles.
 5.All goats should avoid: "The Holiday Homes For Pets Pie Co.Ltd".
 6.Goats with speech defects are reminded that they can get up to 50%
   discount on photographic equipment.

A message from Tonto
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~	
	Once again it's been a bad year for goats, with humans confirming
 their ascendency in the vital fields of politics,economics,education
 and technological achievements. Only in the Arts and in the mountains
 have goats maintained their supremacy. Eton, Harrow and many other top
 public schools are still closed to goats, and, of the Services, only the
 R.A.F. allows goats to take up anything other than short-service
 commisions. Fashion still passes us by, and when did you last see a goat
 on Top Of The Pops?
	If we are to change this at all, we must learn to THINK GOAT. Don't
 think of yourself as the plaything of Alpine milkmaids, the mascot of the
 Irish Guards... Think of yourself as a GOAT. Don't be compromised by the
 R.S.P.C.A....  remember GOAT IS GREAT! Right On !

					yours

					      Tonto

P.S do not eat this message.


   Believe it or not, but I do have an interesting article on hampsters,
 I'll post it in tomorrow !!!