Newsgroups: bit.listserv.catholic
Date:         Sun, 8 Nov 1992 18:13:41 -0500
From:         Eric James Ewanco <ewanco@MLO.DEC.COM>
Subject:      Re: Homosexuality

> From: Jim McIntosh <JIM@AMERICAN.EDU>
> Subject:      Re: Homosexuality
> To: Multiple recipients of list CATHOLIC <CATHOLIC@AMERICAN.EDU>

> On Fri, 6 Nov 1992 09:31:17 -0500 Eric James Ewanco (who I usually
> respect even if I don't agree with) said:
> >Case studies show the psychological, emotional, and spiritual damage
> >suffered by homosexuals who indulge their inclinations.  It leads to
> >despair  and a desire that can never be satisfied.  Homosexuals are
> >almost never happy, and I don't believe these negative things are
> >entirely due to societal influences.  The answer is not "accepting your
> >lifestyle."  Homosexuals tend always to be deeply wounded individuals
> >with tormented souls; the more they indulge, the worse it becomes.

> Eric James, can you cite those studies? My experience is almost exactly
> the opposite, and I'd love to examine these studys you say prove your
> case.

Go to your local Christian bookstore and read books on minister to homosexuals.
A non-technical, experiential book -- written by a homosexual and expressing
how homosexuality damaged his own life -- is You DOn't Have To Be Gay by
[Thomas?] Konrad.  He discusses the emptiness felt by those who attempt to
satisfy themselves through homosexual sex.

I know many homosexuals.  Without exception, homosexuals seem to fit certain
patterns:

1) Poor relationship with their father.
2) Poor self-image as a man; inability to consider themselves masculine.
3) Severely emotionally suppressed because our culture does not permit a man
to express emotions, or love, or compassion.

A statistically significant number of homosexuals are those men who are
rejected by other men because they are not handsome, athletic, or attractive.
Or rejected by women, too.  For example, I know of one homosexual who really
liked men with body hair -- they really turned him on.  Not coincidentally,
this man lacked body hair.  Men with body hair are perceived by our culture as
being more masculine and virile.  This man envied body hair -- and this envy
gave birth to homosexual desire.

Of course there are many handsome and attractive homosexuals, too -- but these
have only recently been present in significant numbers in the homosexual
population.

I also think that masturbation is a considerable influence on homosexuality.
A man engaged in that activity looks to his own body for arousal.  Done often
enough, this develops into a constant attraction to the male anatomy. He is
conditioned to arousal by the male body.  This is compounded when the man has
a low self-image of his body; he imagines himself looking like more attractive
men, to make himself feel better, and then this conditions him to sexual
attraction to men.

Desire gives birth to sin, sin gives birth to more sin, and sin gives birth to
death.

> >I believe that homosexuals can only find peace by rejecting the
> >homosexual lifestyle (i.e. homosexual sex) and living either celibately
> >or in a marital relationship with a member of the opposite sex, if that
> >is possible.  (For some, it is; others are revolted by the thought.)

> As you probably know, but seem to ignore, homosexuality is an unchosen
> way of being. Whether nature or nurture, one's sexual orientation seems
> set by early childhood.

I do not believe it is "unchosen", any more than alcoholism is "unchosen."
In a sense, yes, there is a component that gives the person a disadvantage.
But being homosexual is not like being left-handed, or like being a person of
a particular race, in that it is not something that is black or white or
amoral.

Homosexuals are free to control themselves just as alcoholics are free to
not drink, "supermales" are free to refrain from violence, and so forth.
A desire to do something does not damage one's free will to refrain from that
activity.

> What are you asking for then?  You are asking that someone who is capable
> only of loving someone of his or her own sex reject the "lifestyle"
> (whatever that means) and marry someone who he or she is not attracted. You
> are asking this person to fake a love for this other person and, in effect,
> live a lie. The person who they marry is condemned to a horrible life. What
> if after twenty years of marriage the gay person decides that enough is
> enough and breaks out of the terrible trap into which you've lead them?
> Where does that place the poor spouse or unlucky children?  This "solution"
> of yours seems fraught with danger and almost evil.

Did I say that a homosexual should get married to a member of the opposite
sex?  A homosexual who does not feel he could function in a normal marriage
should simply remain celibate.  Celibacy is not the end of the world.  And in
some cases, it is the best solution, spiritually.  After all, Jesus did say
that there are those who become eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom of God.

Other homosexuals -- maybe better called bisexuals -- _do_ have attraction to
members of the opposite sex.  These are sometimes able to put to death their
homosexual desires and live in a normal marriage.  Konrad in the book I men-
tioned expressed hope that he would eventually get married.  I know personally
a person in this situation who hopes to marry a woman.  For some, it's
impossible; for others it is.

> You've now not only denied the gay person a true and lasting love, but
> you've tormented a poor and innocent spouse and possibly children! If
> anything "leads to despair and a desire that can never be satisfied" it
> seems to me that your solution would be it. I can see how "homosexuals
> are almost never happy" if this is the life you have planned for them.

Everything should be discerned by the individual through the Holy Spirit.
(By the way, "true and lasting love" does not require conjugal acts.)

Eric