From: bobk@dogear.spk.wa.us (Bob Kirkpatrick)
Newsgroups: alt.child-support
Subject: Re: I HAD NO CHOICE ( was: Biological reaso
Date: 25 Dec 92 18:50:42 GMT
Organization: Dog Ear'd Systems of Spokane, WA

yasu@ll.mit.edu (Alan Yasutovich) writes:

> > Our current social policy, agrieving every perceived injustice by enacting
> >more restrictive laws in the name of equality and fairness is the most
> >powerful drain and downward spiral of social stability. [Jon]

It's kind of interesting to read your comments, Jon. A great deal of
the anger and dissatisfaction comes from the Emotional Abuses you've
suffered at the hands of your ex and the system. For you to assault
the very concept that would disallow that type of damage in the
future is, well, interesting to say the least.

If you'd understood that my comments don't defend on a gender basis,
but on a PERSON basis (as I said fairly clearly), you might be of a
different mind.

The problems with the system aren't all against men, they aren't a
collection of solely feminist issues, and reach a lot further out
than simply the litigants in a divorce.

Yes, there's financial harm, but the damages don't just stop there,
they reach into a very large group of associated people, and the 
most significant devastation is via Emotional Abuse.  I tried to
show you this by explaining about my young client. I was, to say 
the least, disappointed that you felt so little. But then, look at
what's happened to you, and look at what it's done to you. Emotional
Abuse is very real --the clear majority of posts here reek of it.

> 	Very well put.  The problem which you very eloquently describe
> 	is the same problem that is magnified in the family court.

Perpetrated by it, Alan. Not magnified, perpetrated. With very few
exceptions, all who go into the courts are victimized. Men, women,
children, relatives, friends, business associates... ad nauseum.

> 	It's so interesting how litigants in a courtroom come out
> 	owing penalties orders of magnitude greater than what any
> 	reality would suggest; weather family court, or otherwise.

Criminal and (non-family) civil cases do MUCH better. But your point
is valid. The system is based on anything but reality, favors some
sides --but not on a solely gender basis. 

For a moment, try to picture this:

The system encourages woman 'A' to go to court and take advantage of
every means to "punish" the man she's divorcing. The animosity between
the two parting spouses goes up a magnitude of magnitudes. The kids are
sucked into side-taking, extended families are --hell, even friends
take sides. The level of hate is phenomenal. The victory is relativley
short lived. In a lot of ways, the pain created by this reaches much
further than the 20-odd years of child support. It affects all, and 
causes a paradigm shift in approaches to relationships. People jump on
the bandwagon --as our society is wont to do. (Look at any election).

The court sets up a serious wall between the parties. Now, the man gets
pissed, starts punishing by avoiding support. He does it to 'hurt back,'
or does it because he can't face what he's left with, nor can he face
what he's lost in terms of relationship(s) with his kids. If he pays,
he does so sporadically. 

The kid needs money to pay the expenses of living, but isn't getting it.
So mom asks the state for help. She isn't on welfare, so the state isn't
very interested in helping. Instead, they're focusing on recovering AFDC
dollars for their own coffers.

Mom goes back to court, this time even more viscious than before, and the
process starts all over again. 

This is just one of the many scenarios invoked by the system --there are
others (villians change, victims change). So the situation gets worse 
and worse. In it's wisdom, the system reacts so that we hear shortsighted
bozos saying "I believe we need an even more draconian system of child
support collection. I really do." And the beat goes on...

Emotional abuse takes on epidemic proportions. Women are hurt, men are
hurt, kids are hurt. The very fabric of society is damaged by it all.
Emotional abuse is not just some divorce claim made by women in a made
for tv movie. It is real, it hurts, and hurts to the degree that some-
times it kills.

--- 
Bob Kirkpatrick <bobk@dogear.spk.wa.us>
Dog Ear'd Systems of Spokane, WA