From: sally@anableps.berkeley.edu (S. A. Wilson)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps
Subject: DOOL: Tragedy Befalls the Salem 90210 Gang!!!!!
Date: 19 Aug 1992 00:00:23 GMT
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
NNTP-Posting-Host: anableps.berkeley.edu



Ciao this is dedicated to all you fans of the Salem teen set:
This is VERY, VERY, VERY LONG...
	

Now, it appears as though the folks at the Nurses Program at Salem U.
realize that Molehill has no educational background at all, and for
this reason find her not qualified. A distraught Molehill seeks
consolation from Tanner, the man in her life. Tanner tells her that
he would love to help, but is financially strapped himself. Molehill
asks "What about Jack? Didn't he offer you a job to help fix up
his and Jenn's new home?" "Yah," he replies, "but that was over 2 weeks
ago, and I, nor no one else in town has seen him since." He tells
her that because of that he only has his meager income from Wings.
"Wings!, Hey maybe Julie can give you back your old job," he tells
her. So they both go over to see Julie.

At Wings, Julie is watching over Scarrie who is drooling over, the
new hot attraction at Wings, Asstin, the Mentalist Pianoist.  Julie
is so glad to see Molehill, whom she had not seen since breakfast.
Tanner tries to tell Julie Molehill's plight. But, Julie is inawe
of Asstin's skills...."Don't you think he is great?" She asks them,
"He's just a wonder; and you can't even see him move his hands, and
fingers--a true wonder, a genius!!" Finally, after agreeing, Tanner
asks Julie if she could re-hire Molehill. But Julie, apologizes,
sadly she cannot; she is already paying Asstin an exorbitant income,
and she cannot afford to hire on any new people. 

Molehill storms out...Tanner follows...when he finally catches up with
her she seems different, strange, weird. Tanner questions her but she
sluffs it off. Just then they run into Scarrie, whom Tanner tells about
Molehill. Scarrie tells her that there is a position open at Bullistix
and that she would put in a good word for Molehill.

A few days later Carly bumps into Molehill at Jonny B Goode's (as
the same Billy Holly and the Crickets song is heard in the background).
She has good news, if she comes by tomorrow she thinks that she can
get in as the socks girl, second in charge....Molehill is overjoyed.

Well, she gets the job. Time goes by, and Molehill is the butt of
many jokes. One day, Scarrie, who is the head of a clique of Bullistix
girls decides to start a club, "The Carries." You have to be asked to
join, and you have to change your name to Carrie...All the Bullistix
girls are part of the club EXCEPT Molehill. And in fact she is let go.
Asstin, and Jessie hang out with the girls too. Well, this sets Molehill
off, and she is majored peeved. She finds Tanner, who has yet to track
down Jack and start work on Jack and Jenn's dream home. Tanner also,
by now has lost his job at Wings, Julie needed even more money for
Asstin. And since his brother Brian split town, and since his dad Vern
is nowhere to be seen he is alone and destitute. And both he and 
Molehill both have that same maniacal experssion--you know the one;
the one which all heretowith good characters have, just as they for no
good reason, turn pscyho, just before their characters are written off
the show. Anyway, the other reason Tanner was let go as bartender, was
that Jessie, because his step-dad was a alcoholic for so many reason,
was a better source of drink knowledge than he.  Molehill upset with
the Bullistix girls, and Tanner angry with Asstin and Jessie decide to
seek revenge.

Well, there first victim, the most easy one--since she is a throw away
character--is Heather, one of the Bullistix girls. Buy this time Tanner
got a job as milk shake boy at Johnny B. Goode's. He has a plan to kill
her off and pass it off as a suicide. He spikes her Strawberry diet
shake with a mixture of various deadly things which I cannot spell. Then
gives it to her--yeah it is a take home order. Molehill that night
sneaks into her home and sets out the faux suicide note. The next day
she is found dead, and with the note next to her bed. The note goes on
to say that she was down deep a loving and social and environmentally
aware person, but being apart of the Scarrie's with its self-obsessed
lifestyle and constantly acting like a pain in the ass teenage was too
much. Too much conflict for her. Life sucked so she wanted to got to a
better place, where there was love, and no one cared if you wore
bell-bottom pants.  A gigantic funeral was held for Heather-Carrie. All
weeped at her noble, yet trouble sould....and of course Carly was there;
for she attended the funerals of all her former patients.

A while passed. School began. And Molehill and Tanner did nothing. But
then they killed another Carrie. One of those nameless workers at Bullistix.
Again they wrote out a lovely note. Again the town was emotionally moved.
Marlena buy this time had returned. As did Rog. Asstin was bringing in
the crowds; and with Rog's return Jessie was bringing in major receipts
all due to Rog. Marlena was called in by the university to find out about
this trend of Salem U. students dropping like flies.  More suicides 
took place as Tanner and Molehill set out their revenge. Carly got into
the act too--did you think that she would not be involved in this storyline
too? She drove her Supervan around the campus to help the students. Everyone
was involved, yet there was no news coverage for neither Jack, Vern, or
even now Julie had been seen in months.

Now, after plotting the revenge of all the Bullistix girls, except the
orginal Scarrie Carrie, Tanner thought that it was time that his arch-nemsises
Asstin and Jessie get their just deserts. They lure them to Wings late
at night and then make them go buck naked--Tanner of course has a gun
pointed at them. Next, Molehill scribbles out two notes. Tann shoots them
both with two sperate guns, and then puts the smoking guns into their
hands. The next day Dave finds the mess on the floor. He is upset that since
Julie went who knows where that it will be up to him to settle it. He calls
wundercop Butthead. Butthead storms in and sprays all of Wings with bullets
nearly killing dear Dave. Finally his partner finds the notes...and realizes
that it is yet another example of the rash of Salem U. suicides. "Yah, but..
hum....I made the place safe..." Butthead mutters. "If I had not been
there....um...um....I am the best COP on the force DAMN IT...why the heck
does everyone pick on me....yeah you are just jealous." Abe comes in and
drags a still babbling Butthead out of the place.  They read the note...
in it both letters tell how after weeks of working at Wings each (Asstin
and Jessie) found each other. But society was cruel and that if they could
not be together in life, they could in death.

At the funeral Marlena is concerned that Rog will not show up. She calls him
at his favority seat at Wings. He is there with glass, broken  bottles,
dishes, etc. strewn all over the place--Dave has not had time to clean up.
Marlena convinces Rog to come to his step-sons funeral; to be proud of
him. He comes...and he goes to the coffin and makes a moving speech,
"I loved my son; I loved my gay son; I love my dead gay son!!!" Marlena is
beaming. Stellllllllll-AH looks at her with daggers for eyes (the another
DOOL psycho-in the making). Scarrie is distraught.

Well, There is just one more person left to vent their wrath on, SCARRIE.
But this death needs to be poetic, needs to take awhole lot of planning.
Anyway, they kill her in no particularly interesting fashion to match
her uninteresting character. In her suicide note they write that she can
live no longer in a world which redicules the clothes of the 70s; she
loves to wear nylon wash-n-wears. And if the world thinks her odd, or
makes light of this, she will leave this cruel place for the big XMART
in the sky. 

Molehill is overjoined. All the major jerks are gone from Salem. But
Tanner wants to end with a bang. He wants to blow himself, Molehill,
and the whole Salem Mall to oblivion. "But why the great Mall set,"
a confused Molehill asks. "Because the whole set sucks; because it
was a major joke for the beggining; because of it all the folks
whom I had scenes with beside you are never on since all the money
went into financing the Mall and the outdoor shoots."  Molehill
runs away. But Tanner is dead set on his mission. 

Meanwhile, at Scarrie's funeral. Most of it is taken up by Carly 
moaning to Bozo that Scarrie, if she were male could have been
her son...and that her Bebe would be about her age now if he had
lived...--what with the Salem aging process.
Across the aisle we get a close-up of Nikki. Meanwhile
the priest begins to do the Sign of the Cross, but as he moves
down and says "...the Son..." Bozo thinks he is reaching for a gun
and blows the Padre away...when Abe and Roman chastize him for offing
a priest he cocks his head says, "Geez, lay off...."

Anyway, Tanner goes to the Salem Mall set and blows it and himself up.
Thus, the character is writen off the show.

Molehill is found out and sent to Bayview.

Spud--see I did not even kill Carlips or Butthead; aren't you proud--Peel

The
-- 
There's the progress we have found                ||  Sally A. Wilson
A way to talk around the problem                  ||  Potato "Spud" Peel
Building towered foresight isn't anything at all  || sally@mica.berkeley.edu
Buy the sky and sell the sky and bleed the sky and tell the sky--R.E.M.