From: bt850@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Anthony S. Galliford)
Subject: Re: Friends & lovers..
Reply-To: gallifd@orion.maths.flinders.edu.au (Anthony S. Galliford)
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio, (USA)
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 92 07:06:41 GMT


In a previous article, v107smub@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (Balakrishn Nair) says:

>
>In article <1992Jul23.175235.16141@jetsun.weitek.COM>, weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Weaver) writes...
>>In article <1992Jul22.223013.9192@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> alangend@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Andrea D Langenderfer) writes:
>>>In article <22101.1979225482@kcbbs.gen.nz> Rob_Tan@kcbbs.gen.nz (Rob Tan) write
>>>s:
>>>>Many peoplehave said that having a lover that has been a friend is really
>>>>good & all that....
>> 
>>>For me it is not a choice that I am aware of, but it usually ends up that there
>>>is this friend that I have known for awhile as strictly a friend(ie group 
>>>activities, conversations about life in general, confide about relationships 
>>>that have gone arye,ect). Then all of a sudden it hits me that I like this guy 
>>>alot, that I would like to ask him out, that there is a strong attraction,ect.
>>>
>>This is the way it works for me too. Not always a friend, but always someone
>>I have known long enough to have a really good idea what they are like.  I
>>think this is one of those personality things.
>> 
>>>And it's ironic because I start thinking about him and when we first met and I
>>>think "Gosh, I never wasn't attracted to him before in a romatic way". It is 
>>>like I completely change my view of him. But usually by this time he thinks of 
>>>me strictly as his friend, not a potential date. Sometimes I wonder if this guy 
>>>even remember I am a female. It more like just my buddies. This has only 
>
>I have experienced a similar situation except ofcourse it was a girl for me. To
>be frank I was not really attracted to the person till now.  Well if the guy
>was like Me, I suppose that you could still stand a chance of having a relation-
>ship with him more than a 'friend' based one.  Good luck with it!

This really sounds familiar! I have a really good friend who, when I
met her, was dating my best friend. Their relationship ended several
months ago, but for a couple of months before that, and ever since,
I have wondered if a relationship more than friendship might develop
between us. I actually got up the nerve to talk deeply with her last
week, and I found myself saying that I really value her friendship,
but I still hope that there could be more...
>
>>>happened three times to me. For me,I think it has to do with
>>>like him for who he is, qualities, habits, personality rather then for straight
>>>out looks.

I also (as a guy) have found myself looking for the same qualities.
>>>
>>>my theory is that these guys have a time limit-if you aren't a potential date 
>>>right off they never consider you again. Where as for me the more I know him 
>>>they more attracted to him I am, and by then it's too late. I guess that is 
>>>what timing is all about, but at this rate it may never work to the positive 
>>>ending.
>
>One way would be the direct approach (*where you really cant help it*) but
>this might spoil your relationship.  I have heard that in case of women, it
      ^^^^^
probably will, IMHO.

>is easier and men stay as friends (if they dont want to be anything more than
>friends), but in case of men, i.e. when a man really likes to have a relation
>ship more than a friend with a woman, I would suppose that she would less likely
>be his friend, if he told her about it.. and she *doesnt* want to have anything
>more than friends.
>
>Any comments on this are most welcome.!  
>
>
>>>
>>I suppose there are some people who are literally like this, and can't fall
>>for someone they already know. But I suspect (unfortunately, no success stories
>>to tell) that in many cases, they just need a good push.
>> 
>>>That's just my input on the subject, sorry to sound negative but I am just 
>>>getting over one of "friends" and it is has to be the most difficult by far.
>>>Andi
>>>
>>I've been there. If you figure a way out of it, let me know.
>
>As you can see.. I am there.. already.. and havent really told the person about
>this situation.  I would suppose that staying friends would be the best solution
>in my case... which is rather unfavourable.
>
There is nothing wrong with remaining friends. It can, however,
be really stressful if you would like the relationship to go further,
and the other person concerned doesn't know it. I just need to
figure out how to tell her how I feel about her without spoiling
a really great friendship.
>> 
>>Good Luck,
>>Michael.
>
-- 
 _--_|\   Tony Galliford   bt850@cleveland.freenet.edu
/      \  Flinders University of South Australia, Australia
\_.-*._/  "As far as we know, our computers have never had
      v    an undetected error" - Union Carbide Corp.
From: patrickf@hpgrla.gr.hp.com (Patrick Franz)
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1992 19:20:57 GMT
Subject: Re: Affectionate women out there...
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Greeley, CO