HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Will Shetlanders pay?
Date: 8 Jan 93 11:25:21 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: William's Wonderful Wonky Widget Warehouse

/*
   I intended everyone on talk.bizarre to see this, but by accident I left
   the default distribution (uk) on the original.  Apologies to all three
   UK talk.bizarre readers, who will see this posting twice, but it's worth
   it. 
*/


In article <1993Jan6.163831.15776@merlin.comlab.ox.ac.uk>
library@comlab.ox.ac.uk (Gordon Riddell) writes:

#  In the spirit of European unity wouldn't this be an appropriate moment
#  to hand The Shetland Islands back to the Danes (or was it the
#  Norwegians)?


There is scope for quite an interesting novel on this theme, a bit like
all those `If Hitler had taken Britain and established the Reich
here...' novels.  (Rule 1 of the Net: any sequence of follow-ups will
continue until somebody mentions Hitler.)

At first, the Tourist Board (the Danish Tourist Board, of course) would
market the place with a slogan like: VISIT THE SHETLAND ISLES ... 
THEY'VE GOT "DANISH" WRITTEN ALL OVER THEM. 

Later, just think: driving through the mud on the right; Sullam Voe with
a bacon factory and lots of moo-cows; crofters' wives eating Danish
pastries while their sons play with Lego on the traffic-free streets and
their daughters pose for pornographic pictures; and a train ferry to the
Scottish mainland. 

Meanwhile the Danish Kroner would collapse because the sum we originally
paid for the Shetlands, plus compound interest, would probably be
greater than the sum of all the money in the European Community. 

Nobody can pronounce the Danish language, but that doesn't matter
because the Shetlanders can't pronounce English anyway, they just sort
of go `oo, oo' into their beards -- even the women.  The Danish language
would probably inherit all 167 of the Shetland words for `wool'. 

Ken Johnson



-- 
Son, all the pretty, intelligent, healthy     #    Ken Johnson, AIAI,
young women are taken. It's a basic rule of   #    80 South Bridge, Edinburgh
the universe, and if you don't like it, go    #    Tel 031-650 2756 
somewhere else.        -- my dad  1906-1992   #    Fax 031-650 6513
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Jack Horkheimer: Star Hustler)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: new!  from Mattel!
Date: 7 Jan 1993 06:28:58 GMT
Organization: The Church of Pat
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <7237@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil> rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) writes:
*C J Silverio writes:
*>Crash-Test Rock Star!  Complete with chartered plane, which pops
*>apart into over one dozen pieces, and smashable Marshall amp.
*
*Crash-Test Jayne Mansfield!    Complete with smashed car. Head sold
*separately.

See!  I told you it wasn't too obscure.


Mark "Crash-Test Christa McAuliffe!  Offend everyone!" Lippert
From: rvacca@vyasa.helios.nd.edu (robert vacca)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short Shameful Confession
Date: 6 Jan 93 04:43:46 GMT
Organization: University of Notre Dame

In article <1993Jan5.144623.20896@pt.com> beb@pt.com (Bruce Buck) writes:
> In article <1993Jan5.045125.5683@news.nd.edu> rvacca@vyasa.helios.nd.edu  
(robert vacca, who is really his son david) writes:

> >David Vacca, Just an Excitable Boy.
> 
> You must be La Vacca que rire.

	No, I'm La Vacca quien rie.  You want avacca@marquette.edu.
	My entire damn family is on the net somewhere, it seems.

---
David Vacca, Just an Excitable Boy.

	[You wanna send me a reply?  Read this thread, then, the
	 appropriate address is repeated a million times...]
From: an072@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Richard White)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: To everyone who sent Margaret a card.
Date: 5 Jan 1993 16:48:00 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite)
NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu


My most profound appreciation.
She was thrilled by all the cards.
As a bonus, her mom was a little disturbed by it all.
Especially since Margaret made her tape them all on her bedroom wall and
refuses to let her take them down.

rp -- "Mommy, those are *MY* cards!"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ilana@kiowa.scd.ucar.edu (Ilana)
Subject: Gooleybrew Review
Organization: NCAR/UCAR
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 18:19:55 GMT

Although too busy to post to t.b, Mark. had enough time Friday afternoon
to drop by my office with two sixes of his latest homebrew.  It's a
lovely opaque color, like coffee, with a thick and dense head, like its 
brewer.  Ostensibly a doppelbock, I found it to be surprisingly (and
pleasingly) less sweet than I had expected;  it does have a caramel
fragrance to it, though, which doesn't come out in the taste unless you
let your glass sit on the counter and warm up, at which point it tastes
a little like flat Coke.  Cold, however, it reminds me of Celestial
Seasonings' Roastaroma herb tea -- but with a serious alcohol kick.
This brew is clearly designed for feeding to unsuspecting young women
for nefarious purposes;  I'd estimate the alcohol content to be in the
"malt beverage" category, at least.  

One thumb up (the other's holding a bottle).  Good stuff, Gooley!

-- 
/\    "I'm only a human girl person.  I ain't always perfect."--Rambling Rose
  \_][ <--NCAR Ilana Stern dod#009 r.b. cliff swallow ilana@ncar.ucar.edu    
      \______________________________________________________________________
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: Politikally Korrekt
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 17:13:19 GMT

In <8135@skye.ed.ac.uk> ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson) writes:
>I came across the phrase `substance survivor' yesterday.
>Guess what it means.

Someone closely related to a deceased substance.

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: docmike@world.std.com (william m biesele)
Subject: talk.bizarre marketing concept #496
Summary: say goodbye to waxy, greasy lips.
Keywords: moooooo
Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 05:02:24 GMT

i'm not a newbie, but i play one on tee bee.
From: mathew <mathew@mantis.co.uk>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Why is it?
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 93 19:09:14 GMT
Organization: Mantis Consultants, Cambridge. UK.
X-Newsreader: rusnews v0.98

cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton) writes:
> mathew (mathew@mantis.co.uk) wrote:
> : Her parents say she's far too good to marry a miserable git like me.
> 
>   Perhaps they're just worried that you will make her give up her last name.

I've already gained her last name as a result of a tragic accident with a
magazine subscription.


mathew
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: How my brother spent Christmas
Date: 12 Jan 93 13:50:51 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: William's Wonderful Wonky Widget Warehouse


In article <C0n9o7.L6L@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM> jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM
(John F.  Woods) writes:

#  7380.  Picric Acid.  [...] Explodes when rapidly heated or by
#  percussion! [...] USE: [...] in leather industry

Coming Soon: X Industries `Naughty Girl' Punishment Strap.  Explodes on
contact.  Wet panties guaranteed!

Ken Johnson



-- 
Son, all the pretty, intelligent, healthy     #    Ken Johnson, AIAI,
young women are taken. It's a basic rule of   #    80 South Bridge, Edinburgh
the universe, and if you don't like it, go    #    Tel 031-650 2756 
somewhere else.        -- my dad  1906-1992   #    Fax 031-650 6513
From: dnwangus@flash.LakeheadU.Ca (Dave Angus)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: PROOF
Summary: who needs probability, anyway?
Date: 4 Jan 1993 09:02:20 GMT
Organization: Lakehead University, Thunder Bay, Ont., Canada

In article <1i7tsuINNt6c@master.cs.rose-hulman.edu> operjfw@HYDRA.ROSE-HULMAN.EDU writes:
>Some of you don't believe in God. Others don't believe that
>aliens from space exist. And, strangely enough, there are 
>even those who don't believe in either.
>
>Those are the people I want to reach out to. For you are,
>_without a doubt_, wrong.
>
>I have a mathematical proof which states that either God
>must be in existence, or space aliens, or both.

[proof omitted]

Personally, I find that reasoning unnecessary.  I watched a 
National Geographic show on critters that live in mangrove
jungles in Borneo.  Some of them and their behaviours are
so bizarre and specialized that it seems highly unlikely that
they could have appeared by chance and evolution.  Obviously
they must have been created either by aliens or a god with
a very warped imagination.  It doesn't really matter which,
since any alien capable of creating an animal might as well 
be a god.



I was delighted to learn that there is an animal called a
mouse deer.  This is a deer which stands about a foot high.

In North America there is a white-footed mouse which is also
known as the deer mouse.  



There was also a monkey with a nose exactly like Fat 
Freddy's Cat.

--
Dave Angus                                   "Kundalini wants his hand back"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton)
Subject: Re: Typewriter
Organization: t.b, t.p.d, & a.d
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 19:01:21 GMT

Jon P. Knight (jon@hill.lut.ac.uk) wrote:
: I'd just like to publicly denounce Lloyd Wood.  That was a Ken Johnson
: post and we should be proud of it.  I'll see to it that Lloyd is ceremonially
: burnt at the stake when he returns to the Hall tomorrow.  Or at least
: beaten up by one of our more violent females.

I am pleased that you have accepted the importance of your role, as a 
chosen defender of talk.bizarre.  The next step is to dedicate your entire
life to it.  No sacrifice is too high, no steps are too severe to keep
inferior posts off of talk.bizarre.

It should be clear that burning at the stake is too unreliable, and being
beaten by one of our net.goddesses is likely to be viewed as positive 
reinforcement.  What you need to do is acquire some C-4 or Semtex, strap
it to your body with proper fusing devices, and handcuff yourself to 
Mr. Wood.  Once there is no chance of him escaping the radius of destruction,
detonate the explosives.  You will go down on the talk.bizarre Martyrs'
list; even posthumous sainthood might be possible.

Hope this helps,
  -- Clifton

--
cliftonr@netcom.com     Home: +1 808 521 9073  Work: +1 808 625 3234
Clifton Royston, Pope of the Church of the Subgenius in Paradise
"Some lives are like that." - attributed to Mark. Gooley
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:44474 talk.politics.animals:10999 alt.peeves:18987
From: geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Ayn Rand Gives Me a Boner)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,talk.politics.animals,alt.peeves
Subject: The Squirrel Incident
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,talk.politics.animals,alt.peeves
Date: 12 Jan 1993 19:54:32 GMT
Organization: PETA (People for the Evisceration of Tiresome Activists)
Distribution: world
Reply-To: geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM
NNTP-Posting-Host: purplehaze.corp.sun.com




I had just turned onto my street the other night when I caught movement out
of the corner of my eye.  A fraction of a second later, I realized that it
was a squirrel.   And wouldn't you know it, the thing suddenly bolted across 
the street directly into the path of my car.
 
I could've easily missed the dumb little fleabag, but I'd been giving a lot 
of thought to the recent talk about animals welfare, so I decided to take an enlightened, positive approach.   Wanting to do my bit for the gene  pool, I
impulsively jerked the wheel to the right.  

The effect was quite similar to that of stomping on a ketchup packet.  That 
would've been amusing enough -- the pickup was due for a wash anyway -- but 
as a special, added attraction, the resulting linear explosion of gore, 
half-digested acorns and ruptured entrails had terminated against the left 
rear door of my neighbor's new white 5-series BMW.  

Alexander Calder would've been proud.

Fortunately, it being rather late, I had time to go back with a camera and 
strobe attachment before he discovered my handiwork.  I even had time to 
pick up the flattened remains by the tail and place them gently under the 
Bimmer's driver-side windshield wiper.  

It wasn't until early the next morning that I was gently coaxed from my 
slumber by a bellow of outrage from down the street.


Geoff


-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
   "I want a T-shirt that says "Test cosmetics on animals" on the front,
    and "Kill animals and eat them" on the back.  Actually, I think the
    most amusing part of it is the moral horror attached to bestiality.
    So, it's all right to kill them and eat them, but it's evil beyond
           imagining to *sleep* with them?"  -- Paul Crowley
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: S. S. Strickland, air traffic controller
Date: 7 Jan 93 15:23:03 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: William's Wonderful Wonky Widget Warehouse




`BA101? You've got a real altitude problem, you know that!'







-- 
Son, all the pretty, intelligent,      || Ken Johnson                           healthy young women are taken.         || A I Applications Institute
It's a basic rule of the universe,     || 80 South Bridge                       and if you don't like it,              || Edinburgh,  Scotland   EH1 1HN
go somewhere else.                     || Phone 031-650 2756   Fax 031-650 6513
               -- my dad  1906-1992    || E-mail ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Re: observations of my fellow victims
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 16:08:08 GMT

 gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Sibyl Waugh) writes:
>You know what I hate?  Rhetorical questions, that's what I hate.


thanks for the memories, sibyl. how well i remember back in the 9th
grade, chuckling at this very same joke. and how well i remember the
intervening 5,000 times i heard this joke--each one is like a little
town on the road of my life. how thoughtful of you.

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: merlyn@digibd.digibd.com (Merlyn LeRoy)
Subject: Return of Revenge of Son Of Women in Combat....
Organization: DigiBoard, Incorporated, Eden Prairie,MN
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 03:44:37 GMT

drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux) writes:
>bhv@areaplg2.corp.mot.com (Bronis Vidugiris) writes:
] In article <1993Jan5.230440.507@wetware.com> drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux) writes:
] 
] )Modern Day Problems:
] )
] )"lets get linear, I want to get linear, linear"
] )				Olivia Newton Algegra
] 
] Let's get metaphysical
] 
] - Olivia Newton Philosopher
] 

>Lets Get Tactical

>	- Olivia Newton PanzerGruppen

No no no, that was Olivia Neutron Bomb.

---
Merlyn LeRoy
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Ideas
Date: 5 Jan 1993 18:46:54 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov

In article <Je2wwB2w165w@mantis.co.uk> mathew <mathew@mantis.co.uk> writes:
>Ideas: Melt in your head, not in your hand.

Yes, my girlfriend is this way, too.
--scott
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Re: Merry New Year
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 15:48:15 GMT

In article <C07Lp9.3xo@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM> jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods) writes:
>So, 1993 is now 24 hours old.
>
>I'm EXTREMELY unimpressed, to say the least.


WHAT!@ The Glorius Alabama Crimson Tide wins the National Championship,
returning Bear Bryant to the Right Hand of God on His Throne which is
Crimson and White, and you dont like 1993 yet?

Youre gonna go to hell for that blasphemy, boy.

-rob, just got back from the deep south, in case you hadnt
guessed.


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra)
Subject: Re: accident
Organization: t.b
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 19:55:58 GMT

gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) writes:
> Accident on Saturday evening.  My car skidded off a mountain road and
> smashed into some small aspens.  $2000 to repair the damage, which is
> almost entirely cosmetic.  Hope that the insurance comes through.
> 
> I am uninjured.
> 
> Mark., no Speed Racer

     I'll say.  I seem to recall your doing the
exact same thing about a year ago.

     The reason I remember is because when you
said you didn't get hurt, I suggested that maybe
it might have been better had you been (repairably)
injured with your arms in casts, because then some
nurse might have taken pity on you and given you
a hand job, in which case you'd still be a virgin,
but at least you'd have gotten some strange.

--Starcap'n Ra       {ames,gatech,husc6,rutgers}!ncar!noao!asuvax!kennedy
                        {allegra,decvax,ihnp4,oddjob}--^
                                          ^---------------The Wrong Choice
                             internet: kennedy@asuvax.asu.edu
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: *****GALS*****
Date: 9 Jan 93 16:12:03 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620

In article <C0JKA9.2oG@phage.cshl.org>, boutell@isis.cshl.org (Tom Boutell) writes:
> In article <1993Jan8.014129.26524@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> carasso@Turing.ORG (Roger Carasso) writes:
>>in alt.personals,alt.personals.ads,
>>an375@anon.penet.fi (nobody) writes:
>>>If you like pina coladas,
>>>And getting caught in the rain.
>>I BLOODY FUCKING KNEW THE '70'S WOULD COME TO HAUNT US.
>>carasso
> 
> Of course you hate the '70s. You were working as a waitress in a 
> cocktail bar.
> 
> -T
> 
> Don't you want me, baby?
> 

I'm sorry, but she's with me now.

Jason
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: Real Life Warnings
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 14:52:27 GMT

In <1ifnf2INNslh@sdl.Warren.MENTORG.COM> tal@Warren.MENTORG.COM (Tom Limoncelli) writes:
>=====================================================================
>VENDING MACHINE: Do not heat unopened can above 155F. Do not heat
>unopened can more than three days. Excessive heating creates internal
>pressure.
>=====================================================================

Ah, good.  God forbid you should actually post something YOU wrote.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.food.mcdonalds
From: gerald@torolab4.vnet.ibm.com (Gerald Oskoboiny)
Subject: Food, Folks, 'n' Fun
Originator: gerald@gerald
Date:  6 Jan 93 20:33:41 GMT
Reply-To: gerald@torolab4.vnet.ibm.com
Organization: Ministry of Noises
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,misc.test,alt.job.gooley
Keywords: puke

Whilst returning from my ski trip, I stopped at McDonald's[tm] in Hinton,
AB for a snack. I had a cheeseburger, a Big Mac[tm], an "apple" pie, and a
vanilla shake.

It is by far the worst food I have ever tasted, bad even for McDonald's[tm].

The cheeseburger was about 2 weeks old. The cheese was certainly cheesey,
I still can't get it off my fingers. The Big Mac[tm] was hideous.
I have no idea what they did to the pie, I never really thought it was
possible to screw one of those up. But they did. The shake was flavorless.

As if that wasn't enough, I had to pay $5.76 for it. I gave the girl
$5.81 - a five, two quarters, three dimes, and a penny. Somehow this
confused her terribly, it took about 5 minutes to clear it up.

Gerald, sigh
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: clarkl@mace.cc.purdue.edu (Leslie Clark)
Subject: My lover's demon cats
Summary: Wicked intelligence, thumbtacks, putrescence.
Keywords: OUCH!!! Get Down!!
Organization: Purdue University
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 17:06:20 GMT


	I really like animals, I really do, but these damn cats are
getting on my nerves.  For one thing, they like to do all the normal cat
things, like sit on your face in the morning, but this I can deal with.
What really bothers me is their habit of pulling all the thumbtacks out
of the posters on my walls and depositing said thumbtacks underneath the
covers of our bed, or in the folds of the couch, or even in my shoes.

	It may not be long before Leslie comes home to feline fricasee,
with baby red potatoes and broccoli and red wine.

	Zach (maybe asparagus would go better)
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Food, Folks, 'n' Fun
Date: 9 Jan 93 16:06:04 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620

In article <8124@skye.ed.ac.uk>, ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson) writes:
> 
> # It is by far the worst food I have ever tasted, bad even for
> # McDonald's[tm]. 
> 
> If you want to continue this game of gourmet one-downmanship, try
> drinking British Sherry.  A heavy drinking friend of mine says he once
> bought a bottle and he was glad when it was finished. 
> 
> Ken Johnson
> 

How disappointing. What an anti-climax the last sentence was.
I thought Ken would have said something like:
"A heavy drinking friend of mine says he once bought a bottle and
the combined weight of him and the bottle made a large dent in the tarmac"
or
".... he once bought a bottle and is now mailing it to you."
or
".... he once bought a bottle but now ships it in kegs"
or something else.

Thank you so very much.

Jason
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: short disgusting confession
Date: 8 Jan 1993 17:32:11 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov
Keywords: bloated

In article <1993Jan8.165933.8297@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy) writes:
>my urine is a form of currency in some countries.

Been taking those gold chloride injections again, have you?
--scott
From: echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: editorial: man dying from hepatitis b is given a baboon's liver
Date: 11 Jan 1993 22:44:15 -0800
Organization: <censored>
NNTP-Posting-Host: girtab.usc.edu
Keywords: an editorial? in t.b? feh!

In article <1993Jan12.041619.16683@netcom.com> Eric De Mund <ead@netcom.com> writes:
>every day that we fail to consider these and similar questions, the law
>falls further behind science and technology. however difficult, we must
>begin applying ourselves to the solution of these legal and moral issues
>_now_. the day that we can only choose from among baboons to occupy the
>highest office of the land is much too late.

"There are others that say this has already happened."

5150
with apologies to douglas adams
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aaron@atlantis.uucp
Subject: Honeymoon On The Savannah
Organization: Atlantis Communications, Edmonton, AB, Canada
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 04:35:48 GMT


<Okay, I lied--one more four-word story from a talk.bizarre patron, if only
because he's a fan.  M. d'Nereverri asked for a story based on

macaw
savannah
pagodah
sylvan

one character must speak Russian with a pronounced German accent; this
fact must be important to the story's course.>


The first time he met Mitzi was in Moscow.  She walked up and asked him
directions in Russian with a pronounced German accent.  "Are you German?" he
asked her in that language.

She smiled in relief.  "Yes, I am.  Thank you--what luck to run into a fellow
German here!"

He was thinking the same.  What a perfect cover she would be.

From Moscow, he persuaded her to join him on his voyage to Africa.  Their
journey across the savannah was their honeymoon--they were married in a
pagodah in Cairo.  He bought her a macaw as a wedding present, and they tried
unsuccessfully to teach it to say their names.

She told him about her sylvan home, deep in the Black Forest.  She had grown
up there before moving to Munich, and wanted to take him back there to meet
her parents.  But he said, "All in due time."

She never suspected when he planted the bomb in her suitcase in Brazzaville. 
Before the incident was even on the news, he was on a plane back to Berlin.


-- 
---Alfvaen(Still looking for "October's Baby")
"I'm gonna follow my feelings...I'm gonna follow my senses...I'm gonna follow   my compass!"  --Lone Justice
Current Album--Gang of Four:Solid Gold
Current Read--OnSpec Winter '92