HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: margotm@sidus.ocunix.on.ca (Margot MacLeod)
Subject: Re: a question
Organization: Sidus Systems, Inc., Ottawa, Ontario (Canada)
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 20:59:00 GMT
Keywords: query


>OK. I'm new to the net, and I'm also not born to the english language. 
>There's one thing that's been bugging me, and I hope someone will help me out.
>
>WHAT DOES "SO" MEAN?????
>
>I've been trying to crack that one for days now. Please don't laugh,
>just tell me!
>
>
>			-Eva

Hi, I'm new to the net too,(well, about a month or two) and I'm a "lurker"
so far, which means I read, but I don't respond...not yet anyway. 
(I must be too shy);  Anyway, I know how you feel, I had the same
questions myself.  

In response to your question "SO" stands for "Significant Other"

I hope you get this before you go really crazy

Margot

-- 
Margot MacLeod,                 Sidus Systems, Inc.
Manager-Systems Education       5310 Canotek Road, Unit 16
                                Ottawa, ON. (Canada)  K1J 9N5
margotm@sidus.ocunix.on.ca      (613) 749-1777
From: ms424a017@husky1.stmarys.ca
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: relationships & cheating??
Date: 8 Apr 92 18:57:36 GMT
Organization: St. Mary's University, Halifax, N.S., Canada


The question is this.  Is it ever morally and/or ethically O.K. to actively
try to woo one member of an existing relationship from that relationship so
that you may start one with her/him?  Under what circumstances?  How about
pursuing someone who's engaged?  Where do you all draw the line?  If it isn't
O.K., would you still do it anyway?

Jeff

First. I have never and would never try to break up a relationship that
involved a personal friend of mine.  A friendship to me is more important than
romance.  Afterall, girlfriends and easier to find than good friends.

Second. This has never stopped my from trying to show a woman that I am
interested in her, even if she is involved with someone else ( someone that I
don't know).  I have on different occasions started to 'hit on' a female whom
I knew to be in a relationship.  If I ever broke up any relationships in this
way then the bond could not have been that strong.

(this also hits on another line of thought)

Third.  Does this go the other way?  I know of people who were in relationships
but saw someone that they preferred more and started to see others on the side.
Yes, I supposed that this is called cheating on a relationship but it wasn't me
that started it.  Follows is a short story, remember that I in no way tried
to break up this relationship.

Story.  A couple of years again, I met this girl (female, woman, whatever).
I was interested in her, okay I "wanted" her.  Since I knew of friends of mine
that also liked her, I did nothing.  Also she was involved with someone else.
Somewhere along the line, she decided that she preferred me to her current
SO.  We started to "see" each other without the other knowing, for about three
months until the other was dumped and for about three years after this.

I cannot be held responsible for breaking up this relationship as I did nothing
to either party until after I was approached.  Should I have still stayed out.
I think I was right in my role in this. Comments???


                                            --------stephen-----
                                            Halifax, Nova Scotia
                                            MS424A017@husky1.stmarys.ca
                                            sdahr@smu1.stmarys.ca

BTW:  The second address may or may not work. Could someone give it a try.

Have you ever noticed that there are too many stephens around this place.
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples
From: mjln_ltd@uhura.cc.rochester.edu (Mikeey J. Lin)
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Organization: University of Rochester - Rochester, New York
Distribution: world,soc
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 92 14:47:14 GMT


	Hmmm... I think I know how you feel. Presently, I'm getting too
close with an ex-girlfriend who has a habit of telling things about her
present boyfriend. The good news is that we can really open up to each
other, the bad news is that I usually hear not so nice things about her
boyfriend. I personally think it is NOT right to break up a relationship
so I basically mentions his good points everytime she's upset about him.
(This occurs even if I thought he was a total jerk about the situation)
However, I always have second thoughts... Everyone can tell you that it
is NOT right to break up a friendship but it might be for the best. You
have to be the judge of that because you know the situation best. As for
me, I'm going to continue what I'm doing and see what happens. If she
decides to leave him and come back to me then GREAT! If not, then I guess
I missed out. Either way, I rather have her come back to me for the right      
reasons instead of having her for the wrong reasons. I leave it up to her
because I don't want her to be influenced by me, at least not directly.
Got the idea?

						Mikeey
				    mjln_ltd@uhura.cc.rochester.edu

PS Hope you got my point cause I sure didn't. :)
From: kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What is love really about
Date: 8 Apr 92 03:47:38 GMT
Article-I.D.: bronze.1992Apr8.034738.23584
Organization: Indiana University

mlb@cisco.com (Marcia Bednarcyk) writes:
>This is why love may not be the most important thing in a lasting
>relationship; commitment and trust and a desire to share a life
>together are really what keeps things going long term.

Why go thru the hassle of sharing a life with someone if you don't
even love them?

 
>Love is the frosting on the cake: it's lovely and it tastes good and
>keeps the cake from drying out, but it's not the cake itself.

If you make it right, the frosting tastes better than the cake. Try
again, and use real butter instead of Crisco.
-- 
"The truffle is not an outright aphrodisiac, but it may in certain
 circumstances make women more affectionate and men more amiable."
                                                ...Brillat-Savarin
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Followup-To: alt.romance
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
Distribution: usa
Date: 10 Apr 1992 10:52 EST  

In article <31521@sdcc12.ucsd.edu>, jclark@sdcc3.ucsd.edu (John Clark) writes...
>+In article <1992Apr9.153217.14011@cbnewse.cb.att.com> hjanssen@cbnewse.cb.att.com (hank janssen) writes:
>+
>+>So  you  also  don't  have  any  problem  if  i  would  take away your
>+>girlfriend/wife or whatever. You would not think anything off it.
> 
>Boy I bet you've never heard the Henny Youngman line,
>"Take my wife...", and after a poignant pause, "...Please".

Well, depending on how you meant `Take', it *could* have been a pregnant 
pause. :-)

-- Stephen 

(The only two valid e-mail addresses from now on are ...)
afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov,  afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov
.. boring .sig follows, press n to skip it.

	Never regret a *choice*.  Rather, save your regrets for the
	choices you *didn't* make.

Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples
From: jjd1@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (james.j.dutton)
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 13:50:20 GMT

In article <1992Apr10.062723.24391@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> tlode@isis.cs.du.edu (trygve lode) writes:
>many of these, we move to a new one directly from an old one.
>
>If someone is attempting to woo a woman whom I'm involved with, it's her
>responsibility to decide whether or not to try to get the third party to
>'cool it.'  If she has decided she wants the third party to cut it out
>and asks me to have words with that third party, only then is it appropriate
>for me to interfere--otherwise, I can only express my feelings and wishes
>about the matter to her, which may include whether or not I would wish to
>continue our relationship if the situation progresses further.
>
>However, regardless of the situation, if someone is wooing my partner with
>my partner's encouragement, then that someone is not behaving in an
>immoral fashion (tacky, possibly, but not immoral), and any problem that
>this causes between me and my partner is between us and needs to be
>resolved between us.
>
>I've been involved with women who have eagerly accepted such attention from
>others and other women who greeted such attention with a whithering glance.
>Those in the former category were more likely to leave me for someone else,
>but those relationships were not ones that would have been likely to last
>regardless--and in the process, some of them have ended up in relationships
>that did a better job of satisfying their needs than continuing the 
>relationship with me would have.
>
>Sure it can be hard on the spirit sometimes, but if discovering and
>maintaining the ideal relationship were easy and heartbreak-free, it
>would really cut down on the interesting conversations we have here
>on soc.singles.
>
>Trygve
 
Try I don't want to alarm you but I totally agree with this outlook. Well
said as usual. Of course a flame sprinkled here and there for spice might
have been nice. Gotta run not havin fun. Later gator. After awhile
crocodile.


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: Ed and Teresa (Carp ????)
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date: 17 Apr 1992 07:59 EST  

In article <kurvf4INNcq6@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM>, erc@pogo.Corp.Sun.COM (Ed Carp) writes...
>In article <16APR199217432063@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov> aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline) writes:
> 
>>Well....I *could* buy you a book?????
> 
>"The Joy Of Soloing"? :)

No, no, no...he said he wouldn't *recognize* it...*that* I think he'd 
recognize.  :)
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: mlb@cisco.com (Marcia Bednarcyk)
Subject: Re: Remaining friends with an ex SO.
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 22:15:05 GMT

In article <1992Apr7.001140.19674@smsc.sony.com>, george@smsc.sony.com (George Maestri) writes:
|> Well, my theory is if you had a good strong relationship, then
|> remaining friends should be easy.  If you can't be friends, then
|> it must not have been a very good relationship to begin with.
|> Remaining friends just takes a little bit of time and *lots* 
|> of understanding (no egos or jealousy - ok ?).

I would also worry about someone who wasn't friends with ANY of his SO's...
there might be some very good reasons, but it also might be indicative of
some real problems. But then, I wouldn't go out with someone I didn't think
I could be friends with...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                        ADDRESS: mlb@cisco.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."
"... the meaning of life is to be happy, try not to hurt people, and hope
you fall in love."
From: tjg01@thdhub.UUCP (Terry Gardner)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: I would like some advice.....
Date: 17 Apr 92 17:58:46 GMT
Organization: Glassworks

In article <1992Apr8.122514.16826@kingston.ac.uk> is_b420@kingston.ac.uk (Brendan Rooney) writes:
>
>	To be honest I'm quite fond of her but I not sure about telling her
>how I feel about her.  She has met a guy recently whom she seems happy about
>and so now I don't want to say anything in case she then asks me "to leave her
>alone" or something like that.
>  
>	One side of me says:  Just continue to be friends and if anything
>			      happens, it will happen naturally.

This is correct, and your wisest course. I'm in the middle of
something very special at the moment with someone I've only talked
to over the telephone, and corresponded with via e-mail. Things have
progressed to the point that we intend to meet in person, and I'll
be damned if I'll press issues like "do you love me?", or "will you
sleep with me?". She's just too special for me to push on her. The best thing
for me to do is to take the opportunity to get to know her, and let her get
to know me. Somewhere I read that intimacy in the relationship sense
will take it's own course, IN SPITE of what we do or not do. 

>	The other side says:  Why not say somethng?

>	I think I opt for the first side, but I'm not certain.

Good man... Best of luck, Brendan.

-- 
Terry Gardner, terry@thdhub, terry%thdhub@uunet
Senior Network Systems Programmer @ The Home Depot, Inc.
404-433-8211 x 5124 Message Generated with GNU Emacs 18.58...
"A committee is an animal with at least six legs, and no brain" -- Heinlein
From: aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: It's Whine Time Again...
Date: 6 Apr 92 13:01:00 GMT
Article-I.D.: lims01.6APR199208014841
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <12749.949210694@kcbbs.gen.nz>, Chris_Gin@kcbbs.gen.nz (Chris Gin) writes...

>PS What exactly makes a person a nerd? I have my own reasons, but I 
>can't seem to list them. I just think someone is a nerd, or I don't!

I've been waiting for *this* one.  Simply because *I* think that we are mis
-using the term "nerd".  According to Mr. Webster a nerd *is* a jerk!  

Nerd - an unpleasant, unattractive, or insignificant person

Based on this definition...I'm *not* a nerd!!  :)  Even with that 
engineering degree...

-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples
From: rawdon@cabrales.cs.wisc.edu (Michael Rawdon)
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Reply-To: rawdon@cabrales.cs.wisc.edu
Organization: University of Wisconsin Computer Sciences Dept., Madison, WI
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1992 02:07:02 GMT

In <1992Apr14.201036.27695@ultra.com> stcroix@ultra.com (Bill St. Croix) writes:
>In article <1992Apr14.041238.6313@bradley.bradley.edu> dave@bradley.bradley.edu (David Vessell) writes:
>>Respect is a big part of the bottom line, but I don't see what is so
>>disrespectful by testing the waters.  Of the couple times I've done it, my
>>level of respect for the other guy had a lot to do with how far I pushed
>>things.  If I had a decent amount of respect for the guy, then I'd be
>>fairly conservative.  In one instance it went beyond disrespect; I actively
>>despised the guy, and I gauged how much was too much by how it affected the
>>woman, and really didn't take him into much consideration at all.

>No offense, but I think your pretty much being a real jerk about this
>respect issue.  I'm mean..."Hey, I hate this guy...so I think I'll see
>just how badly I can F*ck up his life." is a pretty piss poor way of being
>"respectful".

Well, presumably he's got some genuine interest in the woman as well.  In
fact, the impression I got was that he wasn't being malicious at all.

>		I think the respect that Mr. Preston was discussing was not
>based on the individuals involved, but more or less just on the fact that
>a relationship exists at all.

Yes, but why is such respect important?  Why is it necessary to respect
a relationship?  Explanations, please.

>>There is a default level of respect I accord all people, but the level of
>>respect (or disrespect) beyond that is earned.  

>Sounds like you'd be the type to call the guy's family or job and leave a
>message with his mother or boss that, "Tell Joe that I got that ounce of
><insert name of favorite illegal substance here> for him."

I didn't get this impression at all.

-- 
Michael Rawdon
rawdon@cabrales.cs.wisc.edu
University of Wisconsin Computer Sciences Department, Madison, WI

After the fire, the fire still burns;
The heart grows old, but never, ever learns;
The memory smoulders, the soul always yearns.
After the fire, the fire still burns.
					- Pete Townshend
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.couples,soc.singles
From: robd@cray.com (Robert Derrick)
Subject: Re: lying to oneself (was Re: Sanctity of relationships)
Distribution: world,soc
Date: 9 Apr 92 16:01:00 CDT

Meloney writes:
: after I wrote:
: 
: >I agree with you that people "lie to themselves all the time", but I
: >don't think they are very successful at believing it.  Though it
: >doesn't stop 'em from trying.
: 
: *snort*
: Son, do I have some people *You* need to meet.

Well, mom, if I met these people, what would I find?  In other words, can
you give an example?  The best one would be an instance where you lied to
yourself and believed it.  It is next to impossible to know whether someone
else who is lying to themselves (a quite obvious condition) actually
believes it (I maintain, a rare to non-existent contition).  Even if they
say they believe it, I would still have my doubts.  But I am stubborn.

The case in point - the fellow is asking us to affirm that making himself
a part of the breakup of a current relationship is ok.  He would like for
us to tell him it's ok.  He will try to do it anyway, of course, but it
would have been nice if we all told him to go ahead.  The few people who
did tell him it was ok may be enough.  But my point is: he asked us!  Why?
Because he knows that what he is thinking about doing probably wrong.  But
desire will always overcome wisdom in the weak.  So he is lying to himself,
but he really doesn't believe the lie, he just thinks that if the world
will justify his actions, then that will make it right.  Of course it won't,
and therein lies the wellspring of human misery.

	Some kind of love tears the heart
	When you knew it was wrong from the start
	But try to explain the moth to the flame
	Some kind of love tears the heart
					- John Stewart

: There are, indeed, people who can lie to themselves and everyone they meet
: and completely convince themselves they are honest and don't practice
: deception.

I need to see examples.

I guess I believe that people are basically good, and when they do bad
things, they will feel the 'bad', however much they tell themselves and
others that they truly believe in what they are doing.  They will feel
the pangs.

note: I do not include pathological people, or really 
        stupid people (like oh, Dan Quayle, for instance).

rob derrick

ps: Please take no offense, Meloney.  I use "mom" only affectionately  ;^)
From: kochmar@sei.cmu.edu (John Kochmar)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: a question
Date: 6 Apr 92 22:22:23 GMT
Organization: The Software Engineering Institute


grs01153@stat.appstate.edu writes:
|> What exactlty constitutes 'cheatin' on someone?

I would classify cheating on someone as doing something that (in a
dating sense) you agreed not to do (even in an implied sense.)

So, I would say someone was cheating on their SO if they intentionally
did something with a love interest that they told (or implied to) their
SO that they wouldn't do.

I wouldn't say it was cheating on a person if you went out with someone
after making it clear to them that you would go out with other people
you found attractive, or had an interest in.  I would classify it as
cheating if you went out with someone else while your SO thought you
wouldn't (even if you never told them you *would* be exclusive; if they
have the impression that you are, then you owe it to them to be
honest.)

Anyway, that's what I think.

John



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Kochmar		 | Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human
kochmar@sei.cmu.edu	 | brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
SEI Computing Facilities |			-Harper's Index, October 1989
From: ronan@codon2 (Karen Ronan;161 GPBB;x2-0884)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Dealing with unreturned love
Date: 17 Apr 92 01:36:18 GMT
Article-I.D.: agate.sla2iINNafg
Organization: University of California
NNTP-Posting-Host: codon2.berkeley.edu

In article <1992Apr16.174827.11767@vax5.cit.cornell.edu> reyy@vax5.cit.cornell.edu writes:
>Greetings,
>
>
>This is where it gets tricky, because it almost sounds like
>I feel cheated, that she'll go out with all these other guys
>but not me.  I really don't feel that way, but I do wonder
>what is wrong with me?  She considers me a really good friend,
>but she's not interested in a relationship.  I know that's
>a valid position, but it hurts to think that I found someone
>very close, someone that I love to be with, and she doesn't
>feel the same.  And it hurts even more when she feels that
>way about your best friend.  I don't blame her for anything,
>or Joe.  But to think that she built up my self-esteem last
>summer, and now (quite unknowingly) destroyed it, it's 
>very confusing.

Dear David,
This sounds like a case of bruised ego. It doesn't feel good,
but we all go through it some times in our lives. The issue
no longer seems to be about Sherry but about your self-esteem
and ego and pride. No one can build up your self-esteem but YOU.
Please don't give that power away to other people--it's too
precious.  You may be obsessing over the confusing behavior of
this woman. Think about what you really want in a relationship
and see if she can offer it.  I bet she can't.

Don't let this drama/scenario bring you down. A much better
potential relationship might be right around the corner.
-Karen
ronan@codon2.berkeley.edu

"Red lotus incense fades on
The jewelled curtain."
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: karleen sue davis <ksdavis@silver.ucs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Romantic songs
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 19:33:46 -0500

Thos of you who've been responding to my questions on marriage...THIS
is how I feel about my SO/RP, which is why life is so confusing.  But
thanks to you, we're talking about it, and I think we're getting somewhere.
Please read it slowly (it's a love song...) and you might well fall in
love with it too...  ;)

		"It Might Be You" by Steven Bishop

	"Time...I've been passing time watching trains go by...
	All of my life, lying on the sand watching seabirds fly,
	Wishing there would be someone waiting home for me...
	Something's telling me it might be you, 
	It's telling me it might be you,
	All of my life.

	Looking back as lovers go walking past, all of my life.
	Wondering how they met and what makes it last...
	If I found the place, would I recognise the face?
	Something's telling me it might be you,
	It's telling me it might be you,
	All of my life.

	So many quiet walks to take, 
	So many dreams to wake, 
	And we've so much love to make...

	I think we're gonna need some time,
	Maybe all we need is time...

	And it's telling me it might be you,
	It's telling me it might be you,
	All of my life.

	I've been saving love songs and lullebys,
	And there's so much more no one's ever heard before...
	Something's telling me it might be you,
	It's telling me it must be you,
	And I'm feeling it'll just be you,
	All of my life."

Thanks for listening...
Karleen
Xref: sparky alt.romance:6801 soc.couples:1977 soc.singles:10728
From: fulton@copper.ucs.indiana.edu (Ben Fulton)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.couples,soc.singles
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Date: 8 Apr 92 21:36:36 GMT
Article-I.D.: bronze.1992Apr8.163641.3280
Distribution: world,soc
Organization: Indiana University

In <7APR199212225785@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov> aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline) writes:

>This reminds me of a friend of mine whom I love dearly.  He is male, and 
>has never been my SO.  But he showed me once just how much he loved me and 
>how much he valued my friendship.  He did it by pointing out what an idiot 
>I was being with my current boyfriend.  He told me, in detail, how I had 
>changed for the worse while dating this guy.  He pointed out how much 
>quieter I was, and rather subservient because that was what this guy 
>expected.  
>Sure, I was angry for a while.  No one likes to have their stupidity 
>pointed out to them.  But, within a few weeks I started to think about what 
>he had done.  He was willing to risk our friendship in order to save me 
>from pain and heartache.  *That* is a friend.

It can go the other way as well.  I did something similar to this to a close
female friend, and she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend.  All fine
and dandy, but later she decided that I had "broken them up" and that
ruined our fiendship.  C'est la vie...

ben
fulton@copper.ucs.indiana.edu
right here, right now
there is no other place I'd rather be!
Newsgroups: alt.romance