From: conditt@tsd.arlut.utexas.edu (Paul Conditt)
Subject: Accurate translations was (Re:CONTRADICTIONS ABOUT GOD)
Organization: Applied Research Laboratories, University of Texas at Austin
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 18:28:53 GMT



I appreciate Andy's inputs to this group (yes, I love it, too), but I
must point out some translation errors he has made as well as misquotings.
In addition to this, allow me to imbellish upon these well-stated facts
and provide you, the gentle reader, with some more helpful hints that
will assist you in many areas of your life, from Bible study to music
listening to auto repair.

Andy writes:
>In article <carlson.725146095@cwis> carlson@cwis.unomaha.edu (Brian D. Carlson) writes:
>>myers_c@ab.wvnet.edu writes:
>>
>>[lots of drivel deleted]
>>>>>          [ ALWAYS use the KING JAMES VERSION.  Later versions are PER-
>>>>>          VERSIONS! ] 

So earlier versions would be PRE-VERSIONS???

>>>> 
>>	Well, the Apostle Paul may have written the King James Version,
>>but every time I find key word translations in, say, the Open Bible, it
>>always seems to suggest the same word used in the New American Standard
>>Version.
>
>You gotta love this group.  Actually, Paul didn't write the KJV.  As

I thought Paul wrote "Let it Be", or was that John?

>the name implies, the KJV was written by James, the brother of Jesus,
>and author of the biblical epistle that bears his name.  He was called
>"King" because of all the spot-on Elvis impersonations he performed
>at bar mitzvahs, Day of Atonement bashes, and the like.
>
>The most accurate version by far is the Queen Mary Version (QMV), used
>throughout Scotland and on most luxury liners.  A close second is 
>the Old New England Words About YHWH (ONEWAY) Version favored by 
>most Coptics and Manicheans, and later adopted by the Pilgrims, the
>Puritans, and Larry Norman.  It's the only version that contains
>the long-disputed but now accepted verses, "Thou (or you) shalt not
>wrangle over thous and thees; neither shalt thou engage in doctrinal
>hair splitting, or doctrinal hair styling, or any other acts of 
>cosmetology.  You (or thou) shalt wear thy hair unkempt and shall
>love one another instead, and if ye persist in such unloving nonsense 
>YHWH shall personally come down and rend thy concordances and smite
>thee on the noggin'."  
         ^^^
Andy, I can't believe that you have been so grossly negligent to misquote
this well-known and all-important verse that many of us hold near and dear
to our hearts.  In the gospel according to Ringo (I assume this is where
you got the verse), the correct and undisputed word used in the last
sentence here is "thy", not "the".  The last phrase should read "... and
smite thee on THY noggin'."

Here's an interesting historical note about the origins of this verse.
The part about keeping one's (thou's) hair unkempt arises from the fact
that Lubbock, Texas is the capital of the Bible belt (at least west of
the Mississippi).  As we are all well-aware, Lubbock is a very windy city.
The women there are allowed to wear hair spray and keep their hair neat,
but the men are forbidden to wear hair spray since this could lead to
looking like people who live in Austin which could lead to liberalism
or worse yet, Democraticinism.  To keep from offending the upstanding,
godly men of this model community (it is George Bush's "pulse of America")
from committing a sin by wearing hair spray, this verse was added to 
actually make it a requirement to allow nature to take it's course.  You
can find this and other interesting facts on the ONEWAY translation in
the best selling commentary by Jim Bob Davis published by Carman, Inc.
Publishing Company and Artist Supply Warehouse.
>
>I don't think anyone could dispute the fact that the QMV and ONEWAY
>versions are God's annointed Word.  All other versions are perversions
>of the truth.  

I'm sorry, Andy, but according to the Dallas Morning Enquirer, which is
published by the SBC (Southern Blowhard Convention), the QMV is definitely
supported as being God's annointed word.  However, the ONEWAY version,
although popular, has not been endorsed by the Republican party as of yet,
so obviously *cannot* be considered God's annointed word.  Thou must 
getteth thy facts straighteth from thy horse's mouth beforest thou 
quoteth facts mistakenly.  In my personal study, I have found Chico
Esquela's Translation to be very helpful.  It's full name is Chico
Esquela's Translation of the Bible and Auto Repair Manual.  It's the
only book that actually contains such gospel classics as First and
Second Opinions, Hezekiah, the Gospel according to Ringo (George's is in 
translation as we speak), How to rebuild a 4-barrel Quadrajet Carb on
your small-block Chevy, and of course, his inspiring testimonial entitled
"Baseball has been bally bally goot to me".

>>Brian Carlson
>>carlson@unomaha.edu
>
>Andy Whitman
>AT&T Bell Laboratories, Columbus, Ohio
>att!cblpn!ajw  or
>ajw@cblpn.att.com


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