From: cbnorman@cayley.uwaterloo.ca (Bruce Norman)
Subject: STORY: The Wizard of Smaug (chapter 13)
Followup-To: rec.games.frp.dnd
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 1992 08:31:34 GMT

                         Copyright Bruce Norman, 1992

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                              The Wizard of Smaug

                                  Chapter 13

                             --------------------

    "You're really quite lucky you know" said the broken-nosed man.  
"I've been here thirty years, and I've got thirty more to go, but you get 
to leave in only twelve." 
    "No, you don't understand.  They're taking me out of here in twelve 
hours, not twelve years, and I am then to be killed immediately! Burned 
at the stake!" 
    "What I would give for a nice warm fire..." intoned the broken-nosed 
man, "and marshmellows.  Do you think they'll roast marshmellows on you? 
I can see it now, little kiddies roasting marshmellows on me flaming leg.  
That would be heaven, young Lord, that would be heaven." 
    "You're mad" said Perrywinkle, and edged away from the broken-nosed 
man.  The jails were pretty empty as of late: Lord Bluetspur had let all 
the criminals go, excluding tax evaders of course.  
    Cautiously, Perrywinkle approached a four foot tall blissful looking 
man with a huge wart on his nose. 
    "Hey there" said Perrywinkle, trying to sound tough, "what did you 
do?" 
    "Oh a killed me wife" said the man.  "Beat her to death with a 
salmon." 
    Perrywinkle shuddered.  "You beat your wife to death with a salmon?" 
he asked, his voice somewhat strained. 
    "Oh yeah, I says to her 'Bess!  This fish is too tough for man or 
beast, what're you tryin to do, poison me?' and she says to me 'shut up 
you oaf and eats your fish' so I brained her with it.  You know how it 
is...." 
    "How long is your sentence" asked Perrywinkle nervously. 
    "Oh life and 20 years" said the man calmly "not for the murder, of 
course, Lord Bluetspur pardoned me for that.  I'm here for my lack of 
payment of twelve coppers on my taxes of eight years ago." 
    "Oh" said Perrywinkle nervously again, and backed away from the man 
with the huge wart on his nose.  "Thanks for the chat, I think I'll go 
lie down now."  Perrywinkle went over to a corner of the cell and sat 
down shivering.  His life, once again, seemed doomed.  He looked forward, 
with some relish, to being burned on the stake.  At least he knew what to 
expect: people would yell at him, spit on him, throw stones, and then 
they'd light the big bonfire.  The flames would creep up slowly and 
playfully lick his toes.  Suddenly, he would ignite, and his entire body 
would begin to burn (he knew what that felt like).  A few painful minutes 
later he'd be dead, and his troubles would be over.  Perrywinkle sighed; 
with his luck he'd be reincarnated. 

                             --------------------

    "Oh silly, silly Mew!" scolded Alaesha as she peeled Mew off the 
cobblestones.  "Dear silly Mew, pussy cats can not fly! Now if you jump 
out another window I shall be very cross!" 
    *Be quiet you annoying witch* thought Mew angrily.  Alaesha did not 
react. 
    "Now hold still while I, oh dear, what does one do with a flattened 
cat? I could fluff you like a pillow, but I doubt that would work very 
well.  I'm very surprised you survived that fall; what a tough little 
kitten you must be." 
    *I'm sixty years old you bumbling witch* thought Mew annoyedly. *Now*
*stop your fussing, I'll be fine, we must help Perrywinkle.*
    "I bet what you want is a nice saucer of milk, and a warm fire to lie 
by.  That's what all good little kittens want, and you are a good kitten 
aren't you! Now wait here, auntie Alaesha will go find you the sweetest 
saucer of milk, and the warmest hearth in all of Smaug!" 
    *Stop it, just STOP IT* thought-yelled Mew. *I know you're a witch, so*
*stop pretending you can't hear my thoughts.*
    Alaesha looked somewhat nervously at Mew. 
    "And a big fat mousie to chew on.  Yes, I shall get you a big fat 
mousie!" 
    *Stop playing the foolish female, I can see through your pale*
*disguise.  You are the daughter of Croesha the witch.  Don't deny it, I*
*know Croesha, she boiled my brother some fifty-seven years ago. *
*Clumsiest witch I've ever met that Croesha...she must be on her twentieth*
*familiar by now.*
    "Thirty-eighth" admitted Alaesha reluctantly.  "How did you know I 
was a witch?" 
    *We familiars can sense the aura of magic* lied Mew.  Actually, Mew 
knew of Alaesha because she often took trips up to Croesha's hovel in 
order to comfort her burnt, bruised and broiled bretheren. *Let us cease*
*this foolish chatter, Alaesha, we must make haste to save Perrywinkle.*
    "Yes of course, but how?" inquired Alaesha worriedly. 
    *I have a cunning plan...* thought Mew mysteriously. 


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