Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: species of poster
From: anonymus+1379@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 06:05:38 GMT
Organization: Anonymous contact service


hi posters and lurkers, netters all,
 
 
a number of you who responded to my original post entitled "THE Lurker
in the Net" wondered if i had additional information about different
species of Internettae -- to you, i say "am i not a netologist?"
 
actually, your interests seemed to be focused on the species of
posters that have been identified.  and so here is a partial list
selected from the files of the institute.  of course, additions are 
always welcome.  :-)
 
 
    scientific name:  Postus boastus
        common name:  Blowhard Internet Poster
 
      this relatively common species of poster is characteristized by
      an uncommon swelling of its ego.  though making its home
      anywhere, this pompous poster has been often known to hang out
      at balloon races where the abundance of hot air it produces can
      be put to good use.  Both small-mouthed and big-mouthed varieties
      exist.
 
 
    scientific name:  Postus mostus
        common name:  Puking Internet Poster
 
      this relatively rare species of poster stands out by virtue of
      its incredible number of posts.  virtually puking information,
      it fills the bandwidth with irrelevant comments on what everyone
      else posts but seldom posts anything really original of its own.
 
 
    scientific name:  Postus roastus
        common name:  Fiery Internet Poster
 
      this species of poster is characteristized by how easily it is
      provoked, turning on its fellow posters and pouring forth from
      its mouth a torrent of flames.  scorchings from this poisonous
      poster are best treated by a period of net abstinence.
 
 
    scientific name:  Postus halitosis
        common name:  Badmouth Internet Poster
 
      this species of poster is well-known for leaving its stinking
      spoor whenever and wherever it chooses to post or comment.
      the droppings of this poisonous and insulting animal are best 
      disposed of using a latrine shovel or a single KILL command key.
 
 
    scientific name:  Postus orthovalorus
        common name:  White Knight Internet Poster
 
      this species of poster is recognized by the zeal with which it
      defends the recipients of abuse by other posters when, in fact,
      its opinion is often no more valid than those it criticizes.
      one wonders who dubbed this harmless though indignant species
      the defender of the network.
 
 
    scientific name:  Postus erectus
        common name:  Great Horny Internet Poster
 
      this species of poster is recognized by its prodigious sexual
      appetite and its extraordinarily high male-female ratio.
      though it tends to favor sexually oriented groups, ladies should
      be warned that this poster can expose itself anywhere.
 
 
    scientific name:  Postus fraudula
        common name:  Chameleon Internet Poster
 
      this often embarrassing species is known for its propensity to
      appear to be what it is not.  it typically pounces on logged-in
      but unattended network terminals to assume the identity of the
      unfortunate owner and then speak in his or her name.
 

    scientific name:  Postus proteus
        common name:  Shape-Shifting Internet Poster

      this relatively rare species of poster is known for the many
      different accounts he keeps, that is, places where he lives.
      assuming different IDs for different occasions, he has found 
      that he can be all things to all netters.


    scientific name:  Postus pseudorighteous
        common name:  Fundamentalist Internet Poster

      this increasingly more common species of poster is easily 
      recognized by its mean-spirited tendency to absolute certainty.
      unaffected by love or logic, these "right-thinking" posters are 
      best left to wander the depths alone or to argue with each other.  
      varieties exist for all religious persuasions.

 
    scientific name:  Postus ignoramus
        common name:  Babbling Internet Poster
 
      this species of poster is identified by its tendency to talk
      about subjects of which it has no knowledge or understanding.
      with baffling logic, its arguments may initially appeal to
      posting aficionados but eventually the lack of a sound basis
      will become evident.
 
 
    scientific name:  Postus sapiens
        common name:  Intelligent Internet Poster
 
      this most common of all species of poster is noted for its
      concise and intelligent posts and comments on many topics.  its
      regular and welcome appearance make posting and reading the
      network the pleasure that it usually is.
 
 
dozens of other species of posters are known to exist but i shall
leave their description to my associates at the institute.  (new
members are welcome.  e-mail me for an application.)
 
good day, friends.
 
 
dr. lurque netter
founder and director
the institute for netological studies
anonymus+1379@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
 
 
 
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  ::  19921024  :::::::::::  THE Lurker in the Net  :::::::::::::::  rl3s  ::
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