From: v119qkv2@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (POE)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Help, I need advice...
Date: 18 Nov 92 20:27:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Nov17.220346.2390@gacvx2.gac.edu>, dgartner@onza.gac.edu (David M Gartner) writes...
>In article <1e9qlfINNc8a@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu>  writes:
>> 
>> 
>> 	I just developed a very close friendship with someone that I am
>> very interested in, but there is a problem. I have already attempted to 
>> become romantically involved with her, but she politely told me she  
>liked 
>> us better as friends even though she was interested herself. The reason
>> why she did not want to start a relationship was because she abruptly  
>ended
>> one about 3 months ago for no specific reason, and she still has this  
>other
>> person in her heart. This other guy is dating someone, and he treats her  
>like
>> yesterday's trash, but there are sometimes when she REALLY hates him,  
>and there
>> are sometimes when she doesn't know how to feel about him. How can I  
>persuade 
>> her to put this other guy out of her mind? She will not start a  
>relationship
>> on such shaky grounds. If I can do that, how do I tell her how I feel,  
>already
>> failing once? Please send me advice, or post it here. Thanks in advance.
>> 				-Chris (lonlier than ever)
>> 				csr4@po.CWRU.Edu
>> -- 
>> "Feeling a little down? Do what I do, look in the mirror and say to  
>yourself,
>>  'I can cope! I can cope! I can cope!' Then go back to bed, that's  
>enough for
>>  one day"
> 
> 
>Chris,
> 
>I hope you have a comfortable chair to sit in because you just have to  
>wait for her. You can't force anything.  Just hang around and be cool, be  
>a friend and she may see the "good" boyfriend qualities in you.  On the  
>other hand, you could be risking sitting around waiting for to fall for  
>someone else.
>	I personally waited for awhile continued to see no interest in me.   
>Then I stumbled upon my dream girl.
>--
>David M. Gartner
>dgartner@nic.gac.edu
>"I learned more trying to beat the system
>then I ever did from the system."  R. Crozier

Chris,
	I propose a different approach than what most people here seem to be 
saying.  Let me just say that I'm in a similiar situation and I know where 
you're coming from.  However, let me add that my sucsess in dealing with this
situation, so far, has not been all that great.  So it's up to you whether or
not you follow my advice.
	I agree that you have to wait for her to get over that asshole and 
there is not a whole lot you can do to speed up that process.  However, that
doesn't mean you should pull up a chair and sit on the sidelines.  What you
can do is ease her pain and show her what a great guy you are in the process.
Send her flowers.  With Christmas coming, think of an appropriate gift to get
her.  You might want to invite her to Thanksgiving dinner.  Call her and say
you called "just because you were thinking about her".  Show her you care.
HOWEVER, don't over do it!  Getting her an engagement ring for Christmas or
calling her three times a day, everyday of the week, would be overdoing it
just a tad.  Be kind, but don't be overbearing.
	Good luck.

"I'm alone... I just need someone to 
 take my hand and pick me up when I'm
 feeling down... I'm alone."

- Mike Poe
Organization: Freshman, MCS general, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA