From: BARANSKI@veamf1.nusc.navy.MIL (Jim Baranski)
Subject: Re: Women's and men's safety
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Organization: Lanman Hill, Norwich CT
Date: 12 Jan 93 21:56:11 GMT

In <1id7cjINNctb@agate.berkeley.edu> cortese@skid.ps.uci.edu writes:

 In article <1id4svINNbu0@agate.berkeley.edu> andyw@meaddata.com writes:
 >The difference in attitudes and feelings is your responsibility.

 If a woman is raped, her feelings and fears are NOT her
 responsibility and she cannot be called to task for them.

True.  It is also true that if I am walking down the street, and I
pass near a woman who has been raped, who's reaction to me simply
walking past is fear, that I am not responsible for her fear.  Her
rapist is responsible for her present fear, not I.

Her present fear is not 'real' in that it is not caused by the present
reality, but by her past reality which I did not share.  Therefore,
her fear is not '''real''' to me, as it's cause has not been part of
my reality.  Yet, her fear is both subjectively (*she* really feels
fear), and objectively (she *really* feels fear) real.

The interesting thing about human beings is that they often live their
lives according to their past, instead of the present.  This causes
frequent spurious reactions, but I don't see any alternative.  We each
only have one past to learn from...  Are there alternatives?

...

Supposing that all fear is caused by past experiences of pain, there
are two distinct reactions; avoidance of pain, and what I will call
mastery of pain.  There are also secondary reactions; avoidance of
fear, and mastery of fear.

Women seem to typically choose avoidance, Men seem to typically choose
mastery.  Why is this?  Is it because women experience more pain then
men?  I strongly disagree.  Everyone experiences pain and fear in
their lives; I strongly believe that it is false to say that women
experience more objective pain and fear.  However, it is definitely
true that men experience less subjective pain and fear.  Why?  Because
(typically) they choose to master pain and fear, and while they may
suffer the cost, they count the cost worthwhile, and discount or
ignore it.  Once the fear is mastered, and the pain discounted, they
have no subjective reality any more.  In this sense men are typicially
worse off, in that they deny a part of their own reality constantly.

But why do women's and men's reactions typically differ?  Why do some
choose master, and others avoidance?  Training/upbringing?  Yes, but
that begs the question.  The issue of Control seems to be important...
If you feel in control, or that you can gain control, either of the
pain of the situation, of or your fear; you are more likely to choose
mastery.  Boys are typically trained to try, to do, and to discount
pain and fear.  Women are taught avoidance.

So, what shall we do?  Shall we teach all of our children avoidance,
or mastery?  To experience pain and fear, or discount them?  Should we
make our women into stereotypical men, or our men into stereotypical
women?  Each reaction has their down side.

My preferance would be to teach everyone to experience their pain and
fear; to feel fully and experience their reality fully.  And further
to master and control their pain and fear.  To learn from the past,
and yet live in the present, rether then reliving pain and fear.

Jim Baranski

--
Post articles to soc.feminism, or send email to feminism@ncar.ucar.edu.
Questions and comments should be sent to feminism-request@ncar.ucar.edu.  This
news group is moderated by several people, so please use the mail aliases. Your
article should be posted within several days.  Rejections notified by email.