From: carolh@xilinx.com (Carol Hatcher)
Subject: NO
Organization: Xilinx Inc.
Distribution: usa
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 18:28:36 GMT

>>As for the kids, most of the smaller ones that appear on that show tend
>>to come accross as shy, needing prompting from the adults or muppet
>>characters.  Sassy?  What sassy?  Where sassy?  I have to ask myself what
>>the educator meant who said this.  Depending on the adult, some consider
>>jokes, playing, or even asking questions about what's going on to be 
>>sassy (i.e., bad behavior); others are more reasonable/lax, and don't
>>consider it sassy unless it's very rude or disruptive.  This confusion in
>>definition may be what the problem is here.
>
>This reminded me of a conversation I had with a boy at the mall a few
>months ago.  My husband and 3 year old son, Thomas, were getting their
>hair cut.  There was a little boy (maybe 5-6) there waiting for his
>mother.  Thomas was talking to me and I asked him a question
>(can't remember now what), and Thomas answered "No" in a very matter-
>of-fact voice.  He wasn't being nasty or "sassy", just expressing
>disagreement.  Well, this little boy got real upset and said "He
>said a nasty word!!  Aren't you going to punish him??".  When I asked 
>him what word, he said that "no" is a nasty word that his mother never 
>allows him to say!!!  I was shocked!!!  Has anyone else ever heard of 
>this?  I could understand it if Thomas had said, in a very nasty tone, 
>"NOOO" (like he does sometimes), to something I told him to do, but 
>evidently, this little guy was NEVER allowed to say no to his mother.  
>What do you all think, isn't it important to let kids know they can have 
>opinions that don't always conform to others?  Isn't it important to 
>let them express themselves and convey what they think?  Are they any 
>of you out there that agree with not allowing a child to say "no"?
>
>Marian Dabay
>

Depends.  By discouraging certain words and phrases and substituting
others in their place, you can help a child/person modify their
behavior and thinking.  (see _1984_ by George Orwell)  For example, we
discourage the phrase, "I can't do <x>" from being said by our
daughter. We encourage her to say, "I need help to do <x>" instead.
This helps her direct her thoughts constructively.  However, we don't
label the "can't" phrase as "nasty" and punish her for it!  That
doesn't seem useful to me.

I do agree that children should be able to convey what they think and
that they may disagree with others.  However, there are multiple
methods for doing this.  Perhaps the above boy was merely being
directed to say more than just "NO" all the time, ie, instead of saying
"NO", he is supposed to say, "I want to do <X> instead".  This would
help him be more communicative of what he wants and help him to be more
positive.  Perhaps the kid got too enthusiastic following the "Just say
NO" campaign.  Kids can be SO literal.

NO does have its place in anyone's vocabulary, though.  It is a
succinct expression of the negative.  I quick, firm NO ends the
discussion.

On the other side, I know of a family where the father does not allow
anyone to say NO in ANY form to his child.  He feels that this
discourages creativity.  As far as I can see, it has created an
undisciplined child.

Just my two cents worth.
Carol S.W. Hatcher 
Xilinx, Inc.
carolh@xilinx.com

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the standard disclaimers apply.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory,
in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.

	But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for
	whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
					    -- Matthew 5:37


Newsgroups: misc.kids