From: wyang@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (William D Yang)
Subject: You say it's your birthday?  (11 SEP 92)
Summary: The traditional Birthday Rap for John Palmer, who turned 26 today!
Keywords: mc_ray copyright_1992_by_William_D._Yang birthday jpalmer eep! 
Priority: urgent
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 14:52:55 GMT

Bill walks in, with a smile on his face.
 
  "Hi, folks.  Guess what today is?"
 
Everyone looks at the semi-demi-quasi-pseudo (see why I call it SDQP?)
Lurker, in recognition of the events to come...
 
Bill disappears, only to reappear as MC Ray, festooned in 4.3 metric tons
of gold chain (with that much gold chain, you've GOT to be festooning ;).
An X-Window opens, but before anyone can look inside, he throws a sheet
over it so that what's inside can remain a suprise....
 
Beat Box Walt stands, apparently from nowhere, and holds up a box of Morton
Iodized salt.  Kent, the guy with the horn (who doesn't have a horn, I
might add) starts... well... uhm... there are mysteries even the narrator
doesn't understand, ok?  And the rapper himself, MC Ray, leaps forward, a
microphone in hand, as the lights dim and a powerful voice, apparently from
nowhere, yells... 
 
  "THEY'RE RUDE!
     THEY'RE CRUDE!
       THEY HAVE NO TALENT!!
 
          THE SPINAL TAP OF RAP...
 
                                M C    R A Y
                                    and
                                    the
                                Two Blu Crew
 
 
"A-One, a-two, a-one-two-three-four!"
.  .  .
 
Budda budda budda budda budda budda budda
<a rap drum beat appears, almost in sync with Beat Box Walt>
 
Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a
 
Well I'm MC Ray and I'm here because
Todays' the day I do some stuff
And you've got to know before I reach the end
That today's the birthday of a real close friend, Uh-huh!
 
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a
 
Well that friend is lurkin' and he's a real cool guy
And he ain't one of dem other small fries
He's cooler than a read-write optical ROM
'Cause he is mister jpalmer@onetouch.com
 
<three women, who look like the Pepsi "Uh-Huh" girls, appear as the sheet
falls off the X-Window, and strike poses as they start singing>
 
<singing>: Happy Birthday to you!  Happy-Happy Birthday to you!
           Happy-Happy-Happy Birthday to you!  Uh-huh!  Uh-huh!
 
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a
 
Today the man, he's six and twenty
And if you ask me, that's both cool and funny
Cool because he survived another year
Funny 'cause... well...  y'don't wanna hear
 
But anyway, that's the point in fact
Today's John's birthday, as I run on back
So, John, here's a wish of happy birthday
From the rappin' sounds of MC RAY!
 
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-tissa  Puh-Puh-Puh-tissa
Puh-Puh-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-a
 
<singing>: Happy Birthday to you!  Happy-Happy Birthday to you!
           Happy-Happy-Happy Birthday to you!  Uh-huh!  Uh-huh!

Happy birthday. . . to you
I say, happy birthday. . . to you!
I say happahappahappa happahappahappahappahappy birthday. . . TO YOU!

Bill reappears, with the fading of MC Ray and the Two Blu Crew, carrying
nothing except a tiny box and a small card, which reads:
 
    Mr. John D. Palmer,

    You are cordially invited to an informal dinner.  Please RSVP with the
    number in your entourage.  Enjoy what's in the box!
 
John opens the box, only to find a T-Shirt.
 
  "It's my birthday, and all I got was this T-Shirt."  ;)
 
Happy Birthday, John!
 
		-Bill


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