From: ap.948@cupid.sai.com
Subject: #1, post/replies: helpful suggestions
Followup-To: alt.personals
X-Ecs-Version: ECS 1.0
Reply-To: ap.948@cupid.sai.com
Organization: EZ-Intro Contact Service
Date: Sun, 26 Jul 92 21:52:15 GMT
X-Iso: misc

Hello,
 
        A few weeks ago I posted an anon. personal ad.  I'll send it to be
reposted after this with further commentary (note: sequence may vary in posted
reality).  I want to thank all the people who responded (after 400 e-mail
replies I lost count), and offer some suggestions for everybody involved in the
post/reply process.  Most of the letters were very nice.  Although I'm looking
for specific qualities, similarities and complementation, I did enjoy reading
what others shared and tried to respond as best I could.  Let me explain a part
of the process that I feel is important, but I haven't seen mentioned.
 
        First off, imagine getting swamped with mail; it may sound good, but
there's much more work to it than may seem apparent.  Within, let's say a week
you receive over 400 letters.  Keep in mind 170 only leave you an anon.# so you
have to keep a hard copy log on people by number only, to know who's who.  Of
about 200 of the rest, there are 15 Davids, 20 Daves, 35 Marks, 33 Steves, 9
Michaels, 15 Mikes, 4 Mikeys, 8 Jons, 10 Johns, 6 Dans, 4 Dons, and so on. Of
the remaining 30, there maybe 15 that leave very positive impressions or a very
negative ones.  Of the last 15 you have people with very unique names, are from
out of the country, or are clever enough to use a handle, nickname or middle
name.  What started out as a fun neat thing has become a huge task.  Add the
guilt of wanting to respond to everyone who was nice enough to reply, and
having to reject nice people simply because there's not enough in common that
you're looking for, and not wanting to hurt their feelings.  There are also
those that just respond very briefly, and those that don't mention anything
about what you stated you were looking for in the ad.  Sometimes the people in
between with common names or just numbers get lost unintentionally in the
shuffle.  It becomes quite a sorting endeavor whether one is ISO a SO or
friends to communicate with.  From my experience, it didn't seem the above
info. was really considered or understood, and hopefully mentioning it will
help everybody who answers ads as well as those who receive replies.
 
        It's a a real good idea to use a nickname consistently when you reply
to help the person associate  what you express, with you.  If the person spends
the time to mention qualities and likes/dislikes in their ad, respond
specifically to those things in the ad and what motivated you to reply.  If you
disagree or don't fit a particular thing, help the person understand by
explaining why.  Give enough information about yourself for the person to be
able to make a fair decision (it's not easy on either side), but don't divulge
your entire autobiographical history either.  When you leave those annoying
physical descriptions, if you leave info. out, the person is going to wonder
why.  
 
        Please understand that I'm not pointing any fingers, or telling people
what to do.  These are all things I became aware of when I posted my first ad,
and hopefully others can benefit from my experience.  I am sending a more
blunt/open version of my ad to be reposted after this, and also hope that those
interested in responding, will take what I've shared here into consideration. 
 

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