From: peregrin@husc15.harvard.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Possible FAQs (with answers!)
Date: 27 Jan 93 10:30:38 EST
Organization: Harvard Business School

In dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
>>  That reminds me---what would people like to see in the FAQ (I'll compile
>>one we can post weekly or monthly)?
>>
>>  o Why Women Choose Jerks Over Nice Guys

	Perhaps lets combine this with the similar question below..

>>  o What to do if a woman flirts off and on

	I tend to see this as one of two possibilities:

	1) The woman is not sure that you are interested and is trying to
	play both sides.

	2) You have different opinions of what flirting is than she does.
	Hence, where you see a regular pattern of on and off flirting, she
	may only think she truly flirted a couple of times.
> 
> - Why do men choose bimbos over Nice Women?

	Better yet:

  - Why do men/women choose bimbos/jerks over Nice Women/Nice Men?

	People are quickly drawn to dynamic and sexy people.  Unfortunately,
these are external attributes, and it often takes a few courses in the school
of Hard Knocks to learn to see the totality of someone.

> - What to do when he (or she) doesn't call and promised to?

	Then you hold little weight in their promises.  And you take
responsibility for deciding whether the person is worth it.

> - When is it Mr/Mrs Right?

	When you sit on a park bench, pondering this question, and God
appears next to you and says "Go ahead, you are making the right decision
and have my blessing.  Congratulations."

	Otherwise, I am skeptical IMHO, about the belief in the OneTrueLove.
I do believe that there are patterns in life that will draw certain people
towards you, and that if you are a HappyHealthy (tm) person, you will attract
the same.

	If we can assume that at any given time in our lives we know what
"Right" is, then maybe we can know when we've found this person.  But I
feel that at my stage in life (27), I still don't know all there is to
know about people and this world.  So I make my best guess, and I look out
for myself.

> - I keep getting "I love you like a brother, but..." (or something like it)

	I think that statements such as "I love you like a brother, LJBF",
or "I love you too much to make you have a relationship with me right now, LBJF",
or "You're the most wonderful person in the world, for someone else, LJBF.",
...are of very little value.  Simply put, they are worthless because they 
can't be proven.
	How can you know when your are told the above lines, that you are
getting the truth?  I think that the person saying these things may want to
spare your feelings and can't think of any other nice way of putting it.

	Solution?  More patience maybe.  Patience with the world (eventually
you'll find someone) and maybe patience with other people (eventually 
you'll meet people who know what they want out of life).

> - Whenever I try to turn friendships into romances, I get burned...

	Yep, this sure is risky.  You risk something you have for something
that might be.  I think too many people assume that if you venture into
romance and fail, you can fall back onto the friendship.
	But when you open your heart to romance, you expose the more sensitive
part of you, and you wound easier and it is harder to heal.

> - No one loves me, why? (And I'm a Nice Guy, too.)

	1) Be more patient.
	2) Start doing things to increase the odds of meeting more people.

> - I can't get dates, what do I do?

	Change your method.
	(It's the only answer.  One can back this up with PAGES of supporting
	evidence, but many people don't want to hear it.)

> - I believe in love and romance, how can I be cured? ;-)

	Get married then divorced.

-James
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