HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: jbell@mihi.une.edu.au (Master of Puppets)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Tell me....
Date: 7 Nov 1992 23:32:53 -0600
Organization: UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway
NNTP-Posting-Host: cs.utexas.edu
X-Unparseable-Date: Sun, 8 Nov 92 16:32:44 GMT-10:00

how much pain does it take
before your heart breaks?
--
/------------------------jbell@mihi.une.edu.au--------------------------\
| Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound, | Justin Bell   |
| Raindrops taste like tears without the pain.          | +61-67-72-6247|
\-------------90 Taylor St., Armidale, NSW, 2350, AUSTRALIA-------------/
From: lm89@ecs.soton.ac.uk (McIlhoney L)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Tell me....
Date: 11 Nov 92 11:08:51 GMT

In <199211080532.AA05175@mihi.une.edu.au> jbell@mihi.une.edu.au (Master of Puppets) writes:

>how much pain does it take
>before your heart breaks?

Not much.  A careless word will do it for me.
Or the thought of a close friend who lies to me.
Or when I hear of people using each other.
Or when I consider my own future (on a bad day!).

Gosh that's depressing ... sorry ...
-- 
Lawrence McIlhoney Esq., Department of Electronics
University of Southampton, United Kingdom           "Vegetable Rights
E-mail lm89@uk.ac.soton.ecs                             and Peace!"
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: alee3@mach1.wlu.ca (allan lee 9207 U)
Subject: Re: a question for the ladies
Organization: Wilfrid Laurier University
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 06:13:59 GMT
Keywords: EGG! (Asians who use "banana"or "twinkie" know what I mean)

In article <BxLDxz.8GB@acsu.buffalo.edu> v051pzlm@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (YUGI MORIMOTO) writes:
>
>
>
>I just got a quick question that i would ask you ladies to
> answer honestly....
>
>
>
>                  What's your thoughts/feelings/impressions 
>                   of Asian men and romance?
>
>    all responses are welcome
>
>Yugi V051pzlm@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu
>
>thanks

I posted a LONG while back on this subject, myself. I even solicited on
alt.personals. Asians are GORGEOUS! Why more anglo women don't wise up...
I've spent 3 years trying to find an asian man just right for me. I've dated
anglo men and they just don't hold up to asians. Don't let them fool you.
Asians are more handsome, sexier, better kissers...(well ;) My whole life
revolves now, around my asian husband. He is chinese. Yugi, NEVER let anyone
tell you that you are not a fine specimen and fit for ANY woman you try
for just because you are ASIAN. There are more women out there like myself
who value asian men more than gold. My hats off to two fine asian men: Kerry
Go, and George (Xie Zhi-Yun) Shay.



Lisa (Ross) Lai



********************************************************* 
* "And I wonder if you know, that I never understood    *
* that although you said you'd go, until you did        *
* I never thought you would" -Don McLean "Empty Chairs" *
*********************************************************
From: joshua@acpub.duke.edu (Joshua Goldie)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: letters, opinions, women, romance
Date: 5 Nov 92 20:15:55 GMT
Organization: Duke University; Durham, N.C.

In article <Bx8GBn.DHF@news.cso.uiuc.edu> bzb47596@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Phaedrus) writes:
>I am interested in knowing the opinions of a.r men and women on the effective-
>ness and usefulness of writing letters (man-->woman, or woman-->man) because
>I have found myself spilling my guts a lot more often in letters than in
>person.
>
>So what's the viewpoint out there?
>
>Phaedrus - Master of the Tao of Pooh             internet: phaedrus@uiuc.edu 

I don't know if this is what you had in mind but indulge me while I
tell a story...

I was involved in an LDR over the summer with someone I had been going
out with for a couple of weeks before the end of the semester.  We
wrote a few letters, hers were really sappy.  The kind I hate.  Mine
had more substance.  One day she asked some really serious questions
about the nature of our relationship and I gave some pretty serious
answers, none of which should have been taken out of the context of
the letter.  Then I mailed it.  The post office only delivered part of
the letter - remember the stipulation about context.  I don't know
which part she got because she never spoke to me or even wrote again.
Of all the rotten luck.

Anyway, my opinion on letters: just too risky if you use the USPS.
Try faxing it maybe...

My 0.02
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Easy come . . .
Date: 12 Nov 92 18:54:21 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1992Nov12.001533.3962@news.Hawaii.Edu> deb@spectra.eng.hawaii.edu (David Barrett) writes:
>
>Why does it seem to be easier to develop relationships with either younger
>or older persons of the opposite sex than your own age?
>
>And why or why is is easier to fall into relationships with married people 
>rather than single ones?
>
>Or am I alone in this perplexity?
>
>dB
>
I am not sure what you mean by relationships, but I find it easier to
get along with a woman if she is older, or younger, or married. It is no
mystery -- I feel no pressure, they feel no pressure, because neither
of us expects anything to happen. And in my experience, nothing 
ever has happened. 

On the other hand, when I am dealing with a woman who is the single,
the right age, no obvious barriers to a relationship, there is usually
at least a hint of the possibility of a relationship in the back of my
mind.  Then it is hard not to think about making a good impression,
finding out about her, and so forth. This sort of pressure makes it
harder to be open and spend time together, which you need to do to
start a relationship. Call it performance anxiety, or fear of success.

Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: bassama@microsoft.com (Bassam Abukarroum)
Subject: Lost in thoughts...
Date: 06 Nov 92 20:24:59 GMT
Organization: Microsoft Corporation
Distribution: usa

I don't know why I'm posting here. Maybe just to left things off my chest
or reaching out for some hope.

As a result of a bad relationship about two years ago, I intentionally 
closed my heart to any sort of romance. I thought that would save me from 
any pain and suffering. Of course, since then I met very nice women, but 
because of my "self protection", none of them worked out. 

All of a sudden, about two months ago I met her. She managed to open my
heart on the first time we went out. To be fair to her, she told me was 
coming out of a bitter divorce and she is not ready for a serious relation-
ship at this point. I respected her wishes and proceeded on that. But, being 
without a real fulfilling and rewarding companionship for a long time, I
opened up too much too soon without realizing it. This scared her away and 
now she thinks I'm pushing her into a relationship and commitment and all 
that, which of course are not my intentions. It's just that I really care 
deeply about her, and would give my life to make her happy.

We now have sometime off to think things over, but what's killing me is that
I'm a slave to my thoughts at this time. Everytime I think of something to 
convince her to see the real me, I back off as a result of my thoughts. 
"Don't do it...that will just show her how pushy you are." I still send her
flowers and leave them on her car. I asked her if she minds me doing this 
and she said no. It's just I miss her so much it hurts so bad and don't know
what to do to fix what I damaged.

Although I would appreciate any help from all of you (an objective view is 
always inspiring), I would like to hear for ladies out there and what they
expect a guy to do if they were in a situation like this.

Thank you in advance for any help.

Sam!
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: pablo@eye1.cognet.ucla.edu (Pablo Lapuerta)
Subject: Re: We want your advice
Reply-To: pablo@cognet.ucla.edu
Organization: UCLA Cognitive Science Research Program
Distribution: ca
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 17:41:39 GMT

In article <uwanless.721520306@mcl> uwanless@mcl.ucsb.edu (Selective)  
writes:
> Hi...I'm a 22 year old white male and over the summer I met this  
wonderful
> woman through soc.penpals...we started out as informal e-mail penpals
> (after a previous experience thats the ONLY way I will start any e-mail
> relationship :)) but it got kind of heavier as time went on...we have  
shared
> much both over mail and over the phone, and have exchanged pictures,  
letters,
> and a few gifts. Now, I finally have an opportunity to actually visit  
her,
> and we are both a bit scared, although eager to actually meet face to  
face.
> We have had long discussions about what we should do when we actually  
meet,
> and I think we kind of both know what's going to happen, although there
> remain some elements of uncertainty. Anyway, the point of this story is
> that I would like some thoughts/replies/follow-up posts as to what you  
would
> do in a similar situation. I'd like to hear other people's perspectives,
> and perhaps get some insight as to what to do when I actually meet my
> net-love. Post here or e-mail replies at uwanless@mcl.mcl.ucsb.edu.
> 
> 
> --
> ************Paul Wanless "vangy"******************
> 
> "That's what I thought. The only process you've mastered is the process  
of
>   elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you  
can

Just take it easy and have a good time.  Don't try to plan or analyze  
everything in advance.  Good luck.

Pablo
From: fippen@ux2.cso.uiuc.edu (J. Fippen)
Subject: Tell her you're sorry...............
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 13:11:30 GMT


rd "sorry"  is a word of civility and  humility. People who
are brash and arrogant seldom use the word "sorry" because it is 
contrary to their nature. In a marriage the words "I'm sorry" say a lot
because they indicate to your spouse that you erred, that you want to
make amends and get back together; I don't see how a marriage could
last any time at all without these words as they are essential to longivity
of togetherness.
	My wife and I have been together for 43 years and we've said "I'm
sorry" to each other many times. It's sort of like a cleansing of the soul
to come to your wife in humbleness. So many times I've forgotten the 
little things I should have remembered, and then, well, you know the 
words I must say to my beloved.
	No marriage can escape some disagreements - even arguments.
And we've had many such arguments, but I don't believe in carrying a 
grudge overnight as it takes too much energy out of life. So I always say
"I'm sorry" and tell her how much I love her; we can then sleep in peace.
	"I'm sorry" and "I love you" will take a marriage a long way. It gets
a person closer to the high road in life.
	
	John Fippen         fippen@ux2.cso.uiuc.edu


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: jlamb@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Jeffrey Richard Lamb)
Subject: Re: Attention Advice Givers (ie HELP)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 05:01:40 GMT

casey@stars.gsfc.nasa.gov (Sean Casey GSFC (301)286-4558) writes:

>In article <0096340D.A302FE60@Msu.oscs.montana.edu>, oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes...
>>In article <1992Nov4.230117.27270@jetsun.weitek.COM>, weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver) writes:
>>>In article <Bx6F6q.n4J@news.cso.uiuc.edu> jlamb@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Jeffrey Richard Lamb) writes:
>>>>
>>>>Situation : Ok I met this girl over the net. 
>>>....
>>>>
>>>>The point : What I need help with is this. 
>>>>	1) Do I try to "push" the relationship? 
>>>>
>>>>  .....
>>>
>>>A relationship is not a car. You don't steer it, you lead it. You should
>>>have an idea of which direction you want the relationship to go so that
>>>you can gently nudge it that way.
>>>
>>I love all these verbs;  relationships are not to be "pushed," "steering,"
>>"floating," "leading," and "nudging."  Just what are we trying to accomplish?
>> 
>>Whatever happened to letting Nature take its course?
>> 
>>Cheryl

>Isn't this the difference between men and women. Men are entrusted with 
>the responsibility of taking charge in a relationship. In particular,
>it's men that always (ah, mostly) make the first move. Women, on the other
>hand, assume a passive role and take or refuse offers as they come.
>I don't think nature has a course in regard to relationships. It's
>only from the female perspective that "pushing" and "nudging" seem
>un-unatural. 

>SC

Also you have to use some kind of word to describe an action. You take
an action one way or the other. You need words to describe your action
(push, nudge, etc) or your inaction (letting it float etc). They aren't
meant to sound offensive or iron-fisted. They are simply ways to express
very complex patterns of behavior. I admit they are inadiquate when try-
ing to decribe actions in relationships, but until you come up with
something better that's what we're stuck with. I hate to flame, but DEAL
WITH IT OR COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER! Something is needed and it has
to be somewhat specific while still expressing a pretty vague concept.
My address is below if you wish to flame me. I am confident enough in
my position to defend my words.


-- 
H. Ross Perot | All his life he was surrounded  | Jeff R. Lamb
for President | by people who didn't know what  | Midnight Arrow
of the United | to do, while he had always      | Champion of Reality
States in '96 | known.            -Ayn Rand     | (jlamb@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu)
From: bzb47596@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Phaedrus)
Subject: Re: fliriting and not knowing it (was: Re: Question For Guys)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 05:41:59 GMT

petitc@nuge101.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes:

>  What I want to know is:  Are there many women out there who will just TELL 
>you when they're interested, or do most women simply flirt and hope that their
>signals (vague as they are) are interpreted correctly?

Or, are there many women who won't wait for you to do something.  Since I find
it hard to know when an advance is welcome, it would be nice if a woman would
tell me.  If I am interested in someone, eventaully I will make a move, weather
or not i think they are interested.  I would hope that a woman who was 
interested in me would do the same.  But this is part of a delusion that i used
to have: that people could actually communicate with one another.





-- 
Phaedrus - Master of the Tao of Pooh             internet: phaedrus@uiuc.edu 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
     "The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous,
      the sensible man hardly anything."   --Goethe
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: conser@CS.ColoState.EDU (glenn eldon conser)
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 01:44:21 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Catatonic State University

In article <1992Nov12.022755.17214@microsoft.com> allanl@microsoft.com (Allan Lockridge) writes:
>What is the longest period of time between boyfriend/girlfriend?
>Basically, I am interested in what is considered a normal length
>of time after one breaks up to when a new boy/girlfriend is found.

> Allan

Sorry, Allen, there is no "normal" length of time.  Everybody is different,
and will procede ahead at their own pace.  These little differences are 
what make us human (and what make life worth living).  Sorry if I disappoint
you with my answer, but this is how I see it.


P.S. I've been a silent observer for a while, this is my first post here, so I
guess I should say HI EVERYBODY!!!!!



-- 
See Ya'
-- Glenn
		If money can't buy love, why do all my dates 
			start at the cash machine?
From: v119qkv2@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (POE)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Where do I go from here?
Keywords: West Seneca, 14224
Date: 11 Nov 92 21:41:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41


	First Brenda and Dylan, and now Walter and Jenn (the infamous "Him" and
"Her" from my post about a month ago).  After almost three years, they called it
quits.  (I'll say it before anyone else does - I sure hope that these two break
ups are just a coincidence.  Because if the woman I'm attracted to gets advice
about her life from "Beverly Hills, 90210", I'll definitely have to re-evaluate
this whole situation. :-) )  Allow me to refresh your memories.  Over the past
3 months or so, Jenn (She) and I have become very good friends.  Problem - she
was already involved in a very unpleasant relationship with a friend of mine,
Walter (He).  Well, (supposedly) that relationship is no more. 
	Now what do I do?  They've only been broken up for a week.  For how
long do I keep my distance?  Remember - Jenn is very attractive and will most
likely have many guys coming on to her.  I don't want to come off as a 
insensitive jerk and push her into anything too fast, but it would kill me if I
lose her to anyone because of my hesitency.  Do I start calling her more often?
Do I ask her out on a date?  Do I go about business as usual & play the waiting
game?  For the last two weeks, I really haven't had a meaningful conversation
with her or spent any quality time with her.  What does this mean?  She was just
using me to help ease her troubles with him?  She needs time to sort things out
on her own?  Is she avoiding me?  Is it just coincidence?  Is there breaking up
a direct result from the kindness I've shown towards her?  Am I living in a 
fantasy world?  What do I do?  Any advice you wise and all-knowing people could
give would greatly be appreciated.

- Mike Poe
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Attention Advice Givers (ie HELP)
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 92 18:03:10 GMT

In article <0096340D.A302FE60@Msu.oscs.montana.edu>, oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes...
>I love all these verbs;  relationships are not to be "pushed," "steering,"
>"floating," "leading," and "nudging."  Just what are we trying to accomplish?
> 
>Whatever happened to letting Nature take its course?
> 
>Cheryl
>
[ I missed the original to this, so I may have missed something Cheryl said ]

Ok, so the metaphors don't sound very good. But the problem with
letting Nature take its course is that you take what you get. If you are
happy with that, then by all means do it. But my personal experience is
that letting things happen means nothing happens. Perhaps that is
because I am a man, and women tend to have attitudes like yours. For
instance, introducing yourself is often necessary to get a relationship
started, but it won't happen unless someone takes the initiative, and
our culture being what it is, 'someone' in this case usually means the
man. You might get asked out by letting nature take its course, but 
you won't ask someone out unless you decide to ask them out.

Now, a relationship is like a living thing and you do have to let it
grow. But you also should be thinking about how you want it to grow,
and how to help it grow. You can't make a rose grow into a tulip,
but you can water it, prune it, and so forth. And you probably will
be happier with the results than if you just sat back and hoped the
rose would turn out well.

Peace,
Michael.
From: barry@geovision.gvc.com (Barry Comer)
Subject: childish guys - what about girls
Organization: Not officially GeoVision Systems Inc., Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 04:16:23 GMT

All this talk about childish guys is all well and fine, but what about the
women of the world.  I for one find a slight childish streak(not a brat type
of thing, but youthful) in a lady rather refreshing.  What about it folks?

cheers
Barry

-- 

===========================================================================
	I would write a signiture file but I don't have the time.  Then again
	I guess I just did, go figure.  Funnier things have happened.....
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Becoming attracted to friends
From: s206001@emu.insted.unimelb.edu.au
Date: 12 Nov 92 17:21:35 GMT

In article <1992Nov9.120233.29782@wam.umd.edu>, huesmann@wam.umd.edu (Joseph Edward Huesmann) writes:
> Hello. I'm in a little bit of a confusing situation (at least to me it is).
> I'm becoming attracted to a friend of mine. I became friends with her over
> the summer when she was dating one of my friends' roommates, and we'd all
> do something together often. She broke up with him a few months ago, but
> I believe she's seeing someone else now. In the past month or so, I seem
> to have become attracted to her romantically. My dilemma is whether or
> not to tell her I've developed feelings for her and risk losing her as a
> friend. Although I'm attracted to her, I don't necessarily need her to
> be anything more than my friend (I'm used to being alone...). Help!
> Sigh...
> Joe
Oh boy tis a tough one and yes damn confusing.  It's always hard to decide when
and if to take a friendship further I know people who decide to never have
romantic/intimate relationships with friends.  To my way of thinking though why
burn your bridges without testing the balance?  Sure it's scary because you
might risk the friendship but it's all in how you go about it...if she's a real
friend regardless of the outcome she'll understand.  I can't tell you how to go
about it except as tactfully, sensitively and sincerely as possible.  Timing is
the factor though.. I wish you well..have faith in yourself ..first and
foremost forget this loner business you deserve as much happiness as the next
guy and that is the first step!!! *hug*
Irene
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> |  huesmann@wam.umd.edu     "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all   |
> |  Joseph E. Huesmann        the world, she walks into mine!"                |
> |                                              -- Rick Blaine, "Casablanca"  |
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: What kind of flowers?
From: rllai@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu (Roberto L. Lai)
Date: 11 Nov 92 06:57:44 -0500
Organization: Miami University Academic Computer Service"

A female friend is having her 21st birthday soon, and I've decided to
send her flowers.  Now, I know red roses mean love, and white friendship,
but there are more -- does anyone out there know the rest?  She knows
deep down I'm crazy about her, so if I send her all red roses she won't
freak out or anything, but I'd like to mix other colors or flowers in
so the flowers would be more personal and interesting.  Cost won't
be a factor, but she's not the type who'd be impressed by price-tags.

Any suggestions?


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: huesmann@wam.umd.edu (Joseph Edward Huesmann)
Subject: Becoming attracted to friends
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 12:02:33 GMT

Hello. I'm in a little bit of a confusing situation (at least to me it is).
I'm becoming attracted to a friend of mine. I became friends with her over
the summer when she was dating one of my friends' roommates, and we'd all
do something together often. She broke up with him a few months ago, but
I believe she's seeing someone else now. In the past month or so, I seem
to have become attracted to her romantically. My dilemma is whether or
not to tell her I've developed feelings for her and risk losing her as a
friend. Although I'm attracted to her, I don't necessarily need her to
be anything more than my friend (I'm used to being alone...). Help!

Sigh...

Joe

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|  huesmann@wam.umd.edu     "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all   |
|  Joseph E. Huesmann        the world, she walks into mine!"                |
|                                              -- Rick Blaine, "Casablanca"  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------