HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin)
Subject: Re: DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU ARE JENNY. PLEASE
Organization: TOSHIBA America MRI, South San Francisco, CA
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 92 22:55:13 GMT

In article <BxvAzD.431@cs.dal.ca> franklin@ug.cs.dal.ca (Steve Franklin)
writes:
>I am about to do what I abhor the most... Post email. You see, I feel I 
>should reply to this in email, but jennie won't let me. If I mail back,
>I will be reported to my sysadmin for harassing her (?!?!?!) and will 
>undergo supreme torture and a violent yet slow death.

Hmmm.  Exactly what kind of e-mail have you been sending to Jenny, that
she'd react so strongly to it???  I've had some discussions with her offline
concerning topics where we had completely opposite views and she's never
reacted like that!

In any case, if your need for attention is THIS desperate, please take it
to alt.whine.LISTEN.TO.ME.OR.ILL.HOLD.MY.BREATH because frankly, we're
getting sick of you here.

    don
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
        "The other day [the President] said, I know you've had some rough
        times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what
        faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of
        responsibility. (He paused, then said) 'Would you like a puppy?'
               -- Vice President Dan Quayle (LA Times 5/21/89)"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don Baldwin  -  Software Engineer  - e-mail to:  donb@tamri.com
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: nolan@twg.com (Nolan Hinshaw)
Subject: Re: The Best of Alt.Peeves
Reply-To: nolan@twg.com
Organization: Somewhere West of Nowhere
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 18:43:38 GMT


In article <BxtswK.H45@vcd.hp.com>, dmunroe@vcd.hp.com (Johnny Carson) writes:
... 
        Peeve: all of my precious quotes and articles from
        alt.peeves over the last year and a half were archived in
        an arcane format readable only by coal-burning devices
        with 3-inch copper tubing.

Hey!  Some of my best friends are coal burning devices with 3-inch copper
tubing or are related to same. Even oil burning devices with steel tubes are
nifty

!peeve: antique steam-powered devices, like the ferryboat Eureka in San
Francisco's maritime museum

Peeve: the condition of that museum. Ever since the US Park Service took over,
the vessels in the museum have been deteriorating.
--
Nolan "Man enough to do woman's work" Hinshaw
Internet: nolan@twg.com			Dingalingnet: (415)962-7197	

Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: bberbeni@nyx.cs.du.edu (Bill Berbenich)
Subject: Re: Landlord Peeves!! (was Re: JENNY'S LESSON IN FLAMING)
Organization: University of Denver, Dept. of Math & Comp. Sci.
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 92 19:07:11 GMT

In <BxvtFo.AnG@cs.dal.ca> dinn@ug.cs.dal.ca (Michael 'Moose' Dinn) writes:

>This was not a problem until I needed to relieve myself if that god-awful
>can of lemonade I drank that morning. Venturing into the washroom, there
>resided a hole about 4 inches in diameter, of which I had no hope of hitting
>unless I laid on top of it.

Ah, yes!  The famous "Italian toilet!"  (No offense, please, ObTerrorist?)

I hadn't realized those had made their way west this quickly!

Now I just realized something about Moose.  If I was in the nicknames
business, I'd have called him "Gunga."  But maybe that's too obvious.
Anyway, all I know is I don't wanna piss off somebody with a nickname
like Moose.  I have seen a few Mooses in my day and they are all quite
large and threatening.  Good nose tackle material.
--
No, you do not know me.
Yes, I KNOW I look like someone you know.  - Bill Berbenich, net.hedonist
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: matt@cs.city.ac.uk (Matthew G Sillitoe (Matt))
Subject: Omnibussism
Organization: Sometimes Around Rubber Carnivours
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 92 13:02:09 GMT

We'll return you to your real peeve in a moment, after this word:

In article <Bxxsqr.7Kv@cs.dal.ca> dinn@ug.cs.dal.ca (Michael 'Moose' Dinn) writes:
>Not as funny as, say, one of my personal peeves:
>
>1024K
>
>286 AWARD BIOS 3.03
>
>KEYBOARD ERROR
>PRESS F1 TO CONTINUE

ObNerdyism: Yes, that is funny. Fancy only having 1M.

ObPeevety: Sad. Soooo sad.

OtherPeeve: Bods who add nothing to the thread.

RecursivePeeve: Bods who complain about bods adding
nothing to the thread.

PeeveSEGV: Having not enough threads to weave a fabric.

ObBolAlong: Eiduts running* (and I use the term in its loosest
possible sense, under advice of my lawyer) London Busses, specifically
the No. 73. This week LB's managers have been auditing the service,
presumably to allow themselves to get sleep at night safe in the
knowledge that it was just and proper to get rid of the dead-wood
(ie. 99.7% of the drivers, engineers, conductors) whilst justfying
their measly existance. This seems to involve 2-4 lower-management
types, clipboard in hand, riding up-and-down from Stoke Newington
to Victoria (~7 miles). All bleeding day long. Counting the busses
they pass. Jumping out in front of busses so they can count the
passengers. Talking in huddled groups - "Ok, so you fill the report
in, and I'll write the same. Never did like ol' Jim**. Always warey
of these drivers when they you tea. I still take the tea, mind you,
just I watch 'im. He'll say it was mechanical. Ok, so we'll let
'im off this time. Outside number 6; what road? _There?_ huh-huh;
<nudge-nudge>; <wink-wink>"***.
Two better school-kids you couldn't ask for. Almost expected one
to start picking his nose.

ObServe: No, I couldn't. Bloody windows were steamed up and these
two clowns were sitting in _my_ seat, at the front of the top-deck.

!Peeve: New front light for bike, so I don't have to suffer this
any more.

m

*   into the ground, by the looks of things.

**  "ol' Jim" (name changed to protect the innocent, and also
    because I'm damned if I can remember the real name, looked
    like he was about to drop dead anyhow. Must be nearing 65.
    Another pension saved by LB.

*** Sounds like crap? This went on for the whole 25min journey to
    the Angel from Newington Common. The Common is were these bozos
    hang out. You can tell this by the number of LB PolyTetraEtylCFC-
    "safe for the Ozone honest Guv" cups littering the grass around
    the bus stand. Gawd. And we trust these people to drive us into
    the 21st century?
From: 01sybok@ac.dal.ca
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Brain Damage... the theory
Date: 20 Nov 92 10:00:07 -0400
Organization: Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

In article <1992Nov17.194047.4386@midway.uchicago.edu>, thf2@ellis.uchicago.edu (Ted Frank) writes:
> In article <1992Nov17.120034.8944@ac.dal.ca> 01sybok@ac.dal.ca writes:
>>With this in mind, here are The Top Ten Things Ted Could Want:
> 
> *plonk*

My thought exactly.

You know, Ted, you really bore me and so this will be my last post on this 
thread in all probability. However, I think I finally figured out your game.

Ladies and gentlemen of alt.peeves, I have a theory. 

Deep in the bowels of the Psychology building of the University of Chicago,
an experiment is taking place. You've probably all heard that quote about
how if you put one hundred monkeys in a room with one hundred typewriters,
they would eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare. Well, a 
reseacher the the U of C decided to try this little notion out.

Now, one hundred monkeys are hard to find, and the researcher had to make do
with some of the hand me down animals from other labs.

My thought is that the researcher's name is Ted Frank, and he locked those 
monkies in a room with 100 word processors (typewriters being passe). However, 
one word processor wasn't a word processor, but a terminal Mr. (or maybe Dr.) 
Frank had logged into and forgotten to log back out from. The terminal was
not only connected, it was connected to NEWS.

One of the monkies, the one who had been used in an experiment concerning 
the effects of heavy lesioning of the brain in language, got hold of the USENET
terminal, and has been pecking away at it ever since. Every now and then he 
hits the right key sequence and messages are posted. Since this poor
monkey is suffering from heavy and extensive brain damage, it has a rather
limited volcablary, this would explain the repetition of certain words
and phrases in its posts:

Mikey
frat/fraternity
drunk
pool of vomit
Law school

See what I mean? Maybe some kind sould could call the University of Chicago
and alert them to the fact that one of their experimental animals has 
INTERNET access. 


And while you're at it, put that poor animal out of its misery. It is cruel
to make it live such an unhappy and obviously unfulfilled life.

Mike "well, it fits the facts..."
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: larry@peak.psl.nmsu.edu (Evil Engineer doin' it the Cowboy Way)
Subject: Re: The "familiar face" syndrome
Organization: New Mexico State University, MetaPhysical Science Laboratory
Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1992 18:54:28 GMT

In article <1992Nov13.042407.26917@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> bberbeni@nyx.cs.du.edu (Bill Berbenich) writes:

   You ever been out somewhere and a total stranger will walk up and say
   "Hey, don't I know you?" or "Tom/Dick/Harry?"  It's called the "familiar
   face" syndrome and it happens to me at LEAST once a week on average.  I
   had it happen again tonight after I forayed out after completing my
   writings.  A fat girl and her boyfriend were chatting amicably at the
   food court at a local yuppie-mall, the boyfriend with his back to me as
   I appoached.  The blimp-woman says in an uncomfortably loud voice "hey,
   look at that guy!" as she pointed toward the bill-ster.  She continued,
   "he looks just like YOU!" to her boyfriend.  He turned around to see.

   I was shocked to see that we did indeed bear a remarkable resemblance
   to one another!  Same size, same age, same features.

   If the bimbo hadn't have been such a fat, loud, obnoxious creature, I
   may have walked over and chatted for a bit.

She may have saved your life. If a person and his doppleganger ever touch,
they are immediately converted into pure energy.

   Peeve:  I'm probably the twin of some horrible axe-murderer and will
	   unwittingly meet up with one of the victims' relatives.  I'll
	   just have to kill the witnesses, too, eh?

The only safe way to view a doppleganger is in the mirror...

   Familiarly,
     Bill (the boy next door)
   --
   No, you do not know me.
   Yes, I KNOW I look like someone you know.

Say, Bill, didn't you used to machine plutonium cores at Rocky Flats? I
knew I had seen you somewhere..

L.
"Yeh, Buddy..            | larry@psl.nmsu.edu (Larry Cunningham)|  _~~_
 I've got your COMPUTER! | % Physical Science Laboratory        | (O)(-)
 Right HERE!!"           | New Mexico State University          |  /..\ 
 (computer THIS!)        | Las Cruces, New Mexico, USA 88003    |   <> 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed here are CORRECT, mine, and not PSLs or NMSUs..
Straw? No, too stupid a fad. I put soot on warts.
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: jennyb@triton.unm.edu (Jenny Ballmann)
Subject: It's a consipiracy, I tell you
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 92 20:27:11 GMT
Organization: Dark Satanic Mills
Keywords: no ducks no geese no yams no lamb&rice dog food in the big bag

I cleaned the bathroom this morning.  That's not a peeve, because now
the bathroom's clean.  What annoys me is that the only supermarket in
town stopped selling my favorite bathroom cleaning gloop.  I've checked
around at the (heh) many discount and hardware stores in Los Alamos, and 
even in other cities.  No luck.  Did they stop making this stuff when 
they found out I liked it?  The *only* other brand of gloop available now
doesn't work as well, is runny (love paying for that water), costs more,
foams excessively, won't rinse off, and smells like play perfume.

They did this to me before on toilet cleaner crystals.  First one brand
then the other disappeared from their shelves.  Again, why should I have
to pay for water, an ingeniously-not shaped squeeze container to get the
gloop *under* the rim (isn't that what a brush is for?) that will work
until the gloop is half gone, or their mega-annoying commercials, but
then again, what commercials aren't annoying?

They ran out of kitchen matches recently (imagine, having to order more
than usual at the beginning of woodstove season) but someone must have
noticed the empty space next to the four varieties of cupcake papers.
And most peevesome of all, the intercom has been commandeered by some
dweeb at the pre-blackened fish counter who thinks he's Jay Leno at
K-Mart.  Must be the fumes.

Oh fucking wonderful.  The satellite dish just decided to stop working,
and I was taping MST3K for a friend.  Snow must have melted into the
LNB circuitry and I'll have to wait for it to dry out.  Maybe if I
click my heels together three times the dryer will slip a belt again,
the modem will have another line-noise-induced seizure, the truck will
blow up in the driveway, and St*v* Fr*nkl*n will stop over to say hi.

Jenny

-- 
"Is Bush intentionally lying to the American public or is it just that 
the Japanese economy looked worse when viewed while slumped on the floor
in a pool of his own vomit?" - E. Gow (in Japan)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson -- Agro-Barbarian)
Subject: Re: BDIVOs in general
Reply-To: z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson -- Agro-Barbarian)
Organization: International FurHarvester: Combine a Commie for Christ
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 00:27:57 GMT

geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM writes:

>In practical terms, it would reduce the instances of such things as people 
>self-righteously blocking the fast lane and refusing to move over because by 
>God, they're doing the speed limit, or becoming overly emotional and doing 
>stupid, inconsiderate and dangerous things in general.  

	Let's not forget how this would work on the people who design
and build cars too.  For one, there would be analog gauges again, just as
God intended.  Idiot lights?  No, just a warning buzzer and perhaps a
light directing your attention to the appropriate gauge.

	There is nothing more annoying about a car, to me, than having
only a speedometer and a gas gauge on the dash.  Dammit, I want a tach,
oil temp, oil pressure, coolant temp, voltage, amperage, cylinder head
temp, intake and exhaust manifold pressure if appropriate.  If this is
just too much stuff for some and they're afraid they'll be confused,
I contend that driving is too much for them.  These are the same people
who have trouble tying their shoelaces in a strong breeze, and should
not be allowed access to anything sharper than a twinkie.

--
< Dan Sorenson, DoD #1066 z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu viking@iastate.edu >
<  ISU only censors what I read, not what I say.  Don't blame them.  >
<  "This isn't an answer, it's a pagan dance around a midnight fire  >
<   written in intellectual runes." -- Rich Young                    >
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: dmunroe@vcd.hp.com (Shiva Pariah)
Subject: Re: Teddy has Brain Damage (was Re: Mikey has Dain Bramage)
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 21:52:10 GMT
Organization: Heulandite Packing, Ltd.

In article <lgmj5tINN1f5@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM> banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking) writes:

>Teddy, you're an utter bore (and yes, that's what I mean...

sort of a .17 Teddy bore, eh?

-Dave
                              |
                             _|"_
                            /    \___
~~~~~~~~~~-----------------'~~~~~~~~~`------------------~~~~~~~~~~~-~~~~~~
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: thf2@ellis.uchicago.edu (Ted Frank)
Subject: Re: Mikey has Dain Bramage
Reply-To: thf2@midway.uchicago.edu
Organization: University of Chicago Computing Organizations
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 19:40:47 GMT

In article <1992Nov17.120034.8944@ac.dal.ca> 01sybok@ac.dal.ca writes:
>With this in mind, here are The Top Ten Things Ted Could Want:

*plonk*

That was the dullest flame I've ever seen.  And the sad thing about
it wasn't so much its illiteracy, or its obsession with my lack of
willingness to gang rape drunk women, but that Mikey seemed to have
worked so hard to count up to ten (he must have had to take off the
mittens his mommy and daddy shipped to him through courier service)
to have it come to a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing.  He
reminds me of Benjy in that Faulkner book.  And no doubt could use
the same surgery.  Assuming they could find the organs in question.

>Intrests 
>sence 
>porportion 
>intrest 
>dosen't 
>dosen't 
>sence 
>thigs 

You want to claim that these were all typos, Mikey?

>> But I have an idea for you, Mikey.  Why don't you recruit the most
>> homesick, mommy-bound, and geekiest losers on campus, and tell them
>> you're starting a club where if they give you money and run through
>> the sewers, you'll be their friend.  But don't let any womenfolk join.
>
>Thanks Ted, but the University of Chicago has apparently snapped them all up
>for its law school.

Wowwwww!!!  A variant on "no, I'm not, *you* are"!  Wow!!  What flaming
technique!  How original!  How creative!  They must offer this in a 
seminar at Dalhousie or something, everyone seems to use it.  

"Caddddyyy!!!!  Cadddddyyy!!"

Hint, Mikey: it's not trees you're smelling.
-- 
ted frank                     | thf2@ellis.uchicago.edu 
standard disclaimers          | void where prohibited
the university of chicago law school, chicago, illinois 60637
From: diana@wetware.com (CatWoman )
Subject: Re: Space Age Outerwear and a challenge
Organization: Castle WetWare MouseCatcher
Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1992 15:07:40 GMT

carolo@cse.ucsc.edu (Carol Osterbrock) writes:

] 01sybok@ac.dal.ca writes:
] >>>Oh, and one other thing, Cutris. I hereby challenge you to a GIF contest.
] 
] [...]
] 
] >Well, I was really hoping for a panel of female judges, since I'm not
] >too big on sending photos of myself to guys, but I'll agree to you two as 
] >judges on the condition that there are two women judges as well. In fact, I 
] >insist.
] 
] OK, I have to admit you have finally completely confused me.  Why
] don't you want to send photos of yourself to guys?  

{more deleted}

I'll admit to the same questions...

] >Any of the women of alt.peeves wanna jump right in? Jenny? Jenny? Jenni?
] >Booter? Carol? Catwoman? Anyone... Buller?
] 
] Yeah sure, I gotta see this picture that is only suitable for female
] consumption.  Especially if there are bribes available.  I, like Dan,
] prefer cash.

Me - only on the condition that I can pass it around
at a Bay Area Peevers Gathering...or if I can only veiw
it on one of the wetware workstations, that they become
an EXCUSE for a Bay Area Peevers Gathering...

Uhhh - you DO realize that Curtis is part of the Bay 
Area contingent, so we get to see him in real time???
And that half the women you mentioned up there are ALSO
in the Bay Area???

Diana

ObPeeve:  Is this what my nephews will grow up to be?
ACK!
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: smith@ug.cs.dal.ca (Sean Smith)
Subject: Re: And just what the fuck do Canuks know about beer?
Organization: Math, Stats & CS, Dalhousie University, Halifax, NS, Canada
Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1992 17:20:49 GMT

In article <5841@catnip.berkeley.ca.us> dre@catnip.berkeley.ca.us (All of our represanatives are still busy; please continue to hold) writes:
>jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:
>
>>You failed making HOME BREW?  How the hell did you manage that. It's a pretty
>>straight-forward process.  I would have thought if you learned anything at
>>a Canadian University (and clearly *you* haven't), you'd learn the proper
>>respect and handling of beer.
>
>And where did you get this idea that Canadians know anything about beer?
>
>They live in a cold climate and can't brew a decent ale.
>
>They get hot in the summer and can't even make a decent lager to drink.

	I beg to differ.  

	Most American beers are available up here for the same price as 
Canadian beer, but the Canadian beer still outsells the American stuff.  As 
well, when my father was in New Orleans a few years back, a guy in a bar asked
him where he was from.  When Dad said Halifax, the guy said, "Oh yeah - that's
where they make Moosehead," which was a very popular beer down there (or so
they guy told Dad).

	This reminds me of a joke:  How are American beer and making love in
a canoe similar?

	They're both f*cking close to water.

	Sean

-- 
Sean Smith - Dalhousie University  "I'm not paid to think - that's management." 
Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada                    Don Cherry for Prime Minister in
01SSMITH@AC.DAL.CA or smith@ug.cs.dal.ca	'93 in Canada!
Disclaimer:  These ideas are mine...ALL MINE!!  'Cause noone else'd want 'em.
From: donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Halfwits.
Date: 18 Nov 92 20:40:43 GMT
Organization: TOSHIBA America MRI, South San Francisco, CA

In article <17941@autodesk.COM> booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards) writes:
>Peeve: these damned flamefests. That really peeves me. We have a big
>network with lots of computers and fancy software. Folks set up a 
>pile of software that lets people correspond on different topics and
>set up filters and customs to allow readers to sort through the megabytes
>of postings so that they can read things that interest them. So what
>happens? Alt.peeves becomes alt.flame or alt.idiocy.from.college.kids.
>Feh and double feh.

Elaine,

Sometimes the flames here are so good and entertaining that I feel like
I'm watching an Ernie Kovacs show...though, with what's-his-face posting
(the guy in my kill file), it's been more like a really dumb version of
Roseanne; as if they added a senile grandfather who spoke only in
Lithuanian and then had the whole show revolve around him.  I'm cautiously
optimistic, though, that things are improving.

AntiPeeve:  Watching Roseanne for the first time recently and finding that
it's actually pretty funny.  It aint a dumb Married With Children variant,
it's quite entertaining.

AntiPeeve:  Some good movies are now coming out:  "Dracula" looks like it
has promise and I'm dying to see if "X" is as good as Malcolm X's auto-
biography was.

ObPeeve:  A friend had his car stolen in San Francisco, last weekend.

MegaAntiPeeve:  He wasn't in it at the time.

ObWish:  Sarah Brady's head on a pike.

    don
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Everybody knows the ship is sinking.
 Everybody knows that the captain lied.
 Everbody's got this broken feeling,
 Like their Momma or their dog just died."
            Concrete Blonde
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don Baldwin  -  Software Engineer  - e-mail to:  donb@tamri.com
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: nolan@twg.com (Nolan Hinshaw)
Subject: Shaking speare (was Claudio peeve)
Reply-To: nolan@twg.com
Organization: Dead and Dying Poesy Practitioners
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 17:30:35 GMT


In article <Bxu4Bz.8n6@dcs.ed.ac.uk>, pdc@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Paul Crowley) writes:
[into the dustbin with the prelude]
|>Peeve:  People who don't know what "wherefore" means.  Almost as bad as
|>"Lead on, Macduff".  No, worse.

And then there's the line Shakespeare elided from Mac Beth because it didn't
scan, the line Mc B sez when he wakes up, looks over the parapet, and sees
that Mac D and his buddies have fulfilled the prophecy and brought Burnham
Wood to Dunsinane:

"Cheese it! The copse!"
--
Nolan "They called the cat Willie the Shake 'cause he shook everybody" Hinshaw
Internet: nolan@twg.com			Dingalingnet: (415)962-7197	
"The bad jazz that a cat blows wails long after he's cut out" Lord Buckley

Newsgroups: alt.peeves