HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re:  SUGGESTIONS PLEASE
Date: 6 Apr 92 13:47:00 GMT
Article-I.D.: lims01.6APR199208475971
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Apr4.183116.28938@wpi.WPI.EDU>, asar.299@wpi.wpi.edu writes...
> 
>What I would like to know is, are there any facilities in the
>Cleveland, OH area that could be of assistance in providing
>therapy/counseling for those who cannot afford to pay a private
>therapist?  I had suggested looking into a mental health clinic,
>but she said she already had and that they based their fees on
>her past income, not her current income.  She also expressed a
>concern regarding the quality of the therapy offered at an MHC.

Hello, Emerald!  Yes, in Cleveland, Oh you can go to the same place I go...
Rape Crisis Center.  They offer up to four months of counselling for free; 
after that, they will recommend a therapist based on financial/emotional 
issues.
They also have group sessions that are moderated by therapists.
Although I have not attended one of these, Survivors of Incest Anonymous 
has meetings in several parts of town.  If you're on the West Side, St. 
John/Westshore has a meeting every Thursday, from 7-9pm.
> 
>Hugs to those who would like them (I could use one myself right
>now) -

Then you should have one...*HUG*

Gentleness to all!

-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
From: aberson@enh.nist.gov
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: RE: memory lapses & fear of being/becoming adult?
Date: 14 Apr 92 23:22:25 GMT
Organization: NIST

In a previous article, chrislyn@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Tracey L. Stanchfield) wrote:
>In article <4APR92.14404663@enh.nist.gov> aberson@enh.nist.gov writes:
>>In a previous article, chrislyn@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Tracey L. Stanchfield) wrote:
>>> ( about memory lapses concering important stuff like FAF & scholarship
>	forms)
>>Is this a serious problem that interferes with your daily living?  Just
>>to give you an example from my own life, last week I realized that much
>>to my chagrin, my local taxes were due April 1.   I do not believe I
>>have a problem with memory loss, but I, like you, forgot taxes.  I'm 
>>doing them today.  The question I'm asking is whether this is disturbing
>>your life, or whether you are being too hard on yourself.
>	
>	Guess it depends on your definiton of serious. I nearly blew my 
>	chances at a major scholarship without which I would have to 
>	take out loans to continue my education. I don't know if it
>	affects my so much on a daily basis, but it does seem to interfere
>	with important stuff.

I have an appointment every two weeks with my therapist.  I get paid every two
weeks, and thus pay bills every two weeks.  I have other meetings regularly
also.  For the life of me, lately, I can't remember when all these things
happen.

I bought myself a calendar.  I filled in all the regular stuff months ahead.
I can just look them up.  When other dates come up, I try to write them down
immediately, but frequently forget them.  I must work on that.

I never used to have that problem.  During school, I never forgot when
a test was or when a paper was due.  I never wrote them down.  For
some reason I'm having more problem with my memory.  I'm trying to deal with
this the best I can.  I hope you can come up with a way to cope also.

To everyone:  My reader barfed last week.  I'm trying to catch up.  I'm
still 100 posts behind.  Maybe by the end of the week.  So if you do not
hear from me, you're all in my thoughts.

                                                                        ____
    Sim David Aberson   Ft. Lauderdale, FL   aberson%3338.span@sdsc.edu \  /
     April 4, 1992  Marjorie Stoneman Douglas' 102nd birthday            \/
      I'll probably see her out dancing.
From: bev@opusc.csd.scarolina.edu (Beverly Huntsberger)
Subject: anonymous posting mechanisms
Organization: Univ. of South Carolina, Columbia
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 20:20:59 GMT

	Hi,

	Is there a sys-admin type out there who
	would  be willing to have a possibly
	ongoing discussion with me via e-mail
	about the workings of anon postings.

	I want to use it, but I also want to 
	understand the mechanism to the point
	where _I_ can trust it.

	I have questions, like:
	will my postings be able to be seen
	(in a cyberspace-traffic-monitoring type
	mode) by sys-ops. My group is REALLY 
	small - it's just me and my sys-op.

	I don't know much about administering
	nn, but I do know there are functions
	for watching lists of traffic go by
	for various good reasons. It's just
	that around here, it's mostly me.

	Anyway, sorry to  go on like this.

	Thanks for any help.

	bev@grover.csd.scarolina.edu
-- 
--
Bev Huntsberger       bev@grover.csd.scarolina.edu
University of South Carolina, Columbia, SC   29208
--
From: Bede_Jarrow@hikssrv.lib.purdue.edu (Bron)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: letter to perp-boss (was I'm angry today)
Date: 9 Apr 92 22:39:57 GMT
Article-I.D.: mentor.44679
Reply-To: Bede_Jarrow@hikssrv.lib.purdue.edu (Bron)


WARNING--SPOILER
________________________________________________________________________________
____
Dear C,

You totally invalidated my feelings in YOUR note.  I HAVE told you of the
things I mentioned before, despite your saying you havdn't heard them.  Maybe
you didn't.  You've never really listened to me anyway.  Even though you're the
dept. head and big prof, I have a right to be respected and I have a right to
my feelings.  I can't wait until August; I will never see you again and I'll
throw a big party to celebrate my getting out of this sick institution.

I don't see any use of discussing this issue with you further.  It's clear
you're not going to listen, and it's clear you're totally blind to what' sgoing
on.  Bernie told me that Greg has a reputation for slacking off.  I shouldn't
have been so surprised when you wrote what you did--you're the msot arbitrary
bastard I've ever seen.  We fought over your negative comments on my rough
draft last April.  I thought things had improved sicne then, but now I see that
you are arbitrary, that I can't change you, and I'm just going to keep a low
profile in your class.  And I'll count the days til I'm free with a double
vengeance.

I wish I could get revenge on you and all profs who abuse their power and all
in the government, banks, and other institutions who are basically sending this
country to hell in a handbasket and ruining things for my generation.  No, we
don't enjoy not knowing where we're going to be in four months.  It's fine for
you and other profs to be cheerful about our fates.  A friend of mine got
screwed by her arbitrary prof who decided after her prospectus defense was
successfully passed that he really didn't like her methodology.  This is going
to delay her graduation, which she and I had hoped would be in August.

Just wait til we rule the world.  I hope you get Alzheimers or AIDS and die a
very slow, wasting, painful death.  I hope you lose everything you have.  I
wish I could put you in dante's Inferno, where you'd be whipped all the time by
wronged grad students.  You are a sadist, a bastard, and you are wrong.  I
don't know what kind of abuse you and other profs have suffered while in
school, but the buck stops here.  I will never do to another human being what
you've done to me.  

Sincerely, Bron
From: gery@midway.uchicago.edu (Black Pearl)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: sex/power
Date: 8 Apr 92 19:16:37 GMT
Organization: University of Chicago

In article <2464@keele.keele.ac.uk>, Christopher Wrigley writes:
> 
> Okay, I think what the problem is here, is our definition of 'power'.
> If you mean 'power' in the sense to make the decisions of food/ where to
> stay/ money usage etc. etc. then it is not 'power' as such. If you mean
> 'power' as in the case of a father/mother molesting their child, yes.
> If you mean 'power' as in ANY individual who exersises his/her authority
> over a child to get what s/he wants, yes. If you mean 'power' as in a
> child exersising authority/bribing/forcing another child to have sex,
> yes. If you mean 'power' as in a "genuine" paedophiliac relationship
> where the adult has genuine affection and love for the child, where
> feelings are mutual, where the child is mature enough to "understand"
> the situation (in the cases I have seen), I'm afraid there is no 'power'

Why not?

 
>  In _some
> normal heterosexual relationship where the husband (or wife) is the
> money provider, decisions are made by the husband/wife, even though the
> two work it out together. How will an adult/child relationship differ.
> Remember again what I have outlined previously, some children are very
> mature and can have been known to make better decisions than an adult.

Pardon me if I seem dense, but again, in either the adult-adult case
you cite, or the adult-child case, what makes the power imbalance cease
to exist? 

Black Pearl
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: gery@midway.uchicago.edu (Black Pearl)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re:  Looking for advice...
Date: 7 Apr 92 18:37:11 GMT
Article-I.D.: midway.1992Apr7.183711.17751
Organization: University of Chicago

In article <1992Apr7.053112.5857@wpi.WPI.EDU>, Mike writes:
 
> [sorry, deleted because of format] ... Should I try to stay friends or ...

I hate to say this, but nobody but you can really answer this question.
About the best you can do is ask yourself the tough questions (how do I
really feel about her? if she just wants to be friends with me and date
other people, will that be ok with me? do I want to be her friend? do I
have room in my life right now for somebody who has a lot of emotional
needs and will need a lot of patience? can I be there for her? will I
care if she can't be there for me? etc.)

I have been separated on and off from my husband for nearly a year now
and I =still= don't know whether I "should" (bad word, anyways) stay 
friends. This is just a really tough question to answer.

Good luck,
Black Pearl
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: Here I am!
Date: Sun, 12 Apr 92 22:22:32 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 

In article <1992Apr12.200632.9935@ucsu.Colorado.EDU> walner@tramp.Colorado.EDU (Shimon Walner) writes:
>
>Hi folks.  Hineni here.  Yes, Hineni.  Otherwise known as Shimon Walner.
>
>I just got back from a trip back to Chicago and told all my close friends
>about being abused, and when I returned I finally got a chance to tell that
>one dear friend (with net access that I wanted to hear the news from me and
>not over the net).  So I now feel free to drop my anonymity.

Oh, Shimon, that is wonderful!  Congratulations!  And thank you, you're
a wonderful example/role model for beginners like me...  :-)


-- 
Enigma (enigma@netcom.com)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: holzman@fnalno.fnal.gov (Daniel B. Holzman)
Subject: Re: Is this abuse?
Organization: Fermi National Accelerator Lab
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 00:37:52 GMT

In article <meskanen.29@katk.Helsinki.FI>, meskanen@katk.Helsinki.FI (Meskanen 
Kaarina) writes:
> ANY COMMENTS? 
> 	Meskanen@katk.helsinki.fi

They all sound like abuse from here...
-- 
Daniel B. Holzman                    | Eight Words the Witch's Rede Fufill:
HOLZMAN@FNAL.BITNET                  | An It Harm None, Do What You Will
HOLZMAN@FNALC.FNAL.GOV.INTERNET      |
                                     | All Acts of Love and Pleasure are
Love doesn't subtract,               | Her Rituals
   it multiplies    - Heinlein       |
TEAM STAR Charter Member             | Saddam Hussein still has a job.  Do you?
Disclaimer:  Fermilab's far too large to have an opinion, let alone mine.
From: aberson@enh.nist.gov
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: RE: Looking for advice...
Date: 7 Apr 92 21:08:29 GMT
Organization: NIST

The best you can do is let her know you are there for her if she needs
you.  You cannot allow her to drag you around, to continue to change her
mind.  You must be able to get on with your own life also.  If that
requires you to start seeing others or not is your own decision.

Just make sure she knows you care, and you will support her, but only
if she chooses to allow you to do so.

Take care


                                                                        ____
    Sim David Aberson   Ft. Lauderdale, FL   aberson%3338.span@sdsc.edu \  /
     April 4, 1992  Marjorie Stoneman Douglas' 102nd birthday            \/
      I'll probably see her out dancing.
From: csz55@seq1.keele.ac.uk (Christopher Wrigley)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: sex/power
Date: 6 Apr 92 15:08:40 GMT
Organization: University of Keele, England


(Alan writes...)

  <story about initiating sexual acts from a young age>

No doubt many people attached to this group will find your story
shocking and somewhat incredulous. Personally, I wish to thank you
for sharing with us, a very marked and private part of your life.

Of course your experiences are true to life and they do not shock or
surprise me.  In our society today I see much anguish, unhappiness and
disappointment people experience over sexual mistakes. Many people are
full of misinformation, misconceptions, myths, fears and inhibitions
about sex. Even today, to use the words 'sex' and 'children' in the
same sentence is regarded as shameful or unhealthy.

Your post was only unique, in that not many people would write such an
account of experiences of that kind, possibly because our society is
basically antisexual - that is to say, an individual cannot discuss such
sexual behaviour in society's face without penalties.

I do believe, however, that it's boldness reflects positive attitudes
of self-respect, responsibility, openess, and the pleasurableness of
sex that were somehow procured during an early part of your life.

I would estimate that you are a reasonably well-adjusted person whose
attitudes about sex are humanistically radical, that is to say you may
advocate that society makes it possible for young people to have
relatively complete sexual freedom.  In a perfect world, this would
probably be so. However, ascetic, inhibited, restrained and guilt-ridden
attitudes of todays society continue to turn it's people into molesters,
monsters and perverts that plague it's children and remits such
radicalism back into the face of... future generations. 

I do have a disposition to take a hopeful view of such matters.
In direct reponse to your post, it furthers my belief that it is not
nearly so important _what people do sexually as long as it does NOT
HURT ANYBODY (mentally or physically) and how they _feel about what
they're doing.

=> This posting is to in no way detract from the discussion of those
=> people who have been sexually abused. I agree with you that there
=> is a danger in over-emphasizing the point I am making here.

I'm glad you mentioned this.

=> However, it is just to say that one should not automatically assume
=> that in sexual relationships between "children" and "adults" (or in
=> my case older adolescents) that there is the abuser and the abused.

Quite true, even though it may not be morally right.

		Chris
--
Christopher Wrigley
                                 "Words are sometimes used to conceal
University of Keele, England        rather than reveal one's feelings."
JANET - csz55@uk.ac.keele.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: leif@NeoSoft.com (Lee King)
Subject: Help for someone in a small city in Wyoming
Organization: NeoSoft Communications Services -- (713) 684-5900
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 14:10:13 GMT
Keywords: abuse incest children crime

  I need some information for a correspondent (on the GEnie system)
in Sheridan, Wyoming.  She is an incest survivor who married into a worse 
situation than she grew up in (Gee, where have we seen /that/ before?).   

  The crux of the matter is that her inlaws are like something out of an
incest survivor's worst nightmare.  She has tried to go to the local
District Attorney about both past and current abuse, but he doesn't want
to file charges.  She is stuck in a bind with all of her inlaws against
her, and has been physically threatened by the abusers.
 
  Does anyone on the net know of any help she could get in Wyoming?  If it
were local to me (Houston), I would know where to look, but I don't know
beans about the situation in Wyoming.
 
  Please reply by e-mail to leif@sugar.neosoft.com.
 
  Thanks,
  Lee (recovering ACA)
-- 
Curious about the Libertarian Party? Call LP National HQ at 1-800-682-1776,
or send you USPS address to 0003455647@mcimail.com, attn. Marc Montoni
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar.230@wpi.wpi.edu  
Subject:       Thanks
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
X-Aps2-Version: 2.1
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 13:11:15 GMT

Hi, it's Lions and Tigers,

I'm fixing to go home for my brother's wedding, so I'll be out of touch
for a couple of weeks. Before I left, I just wanted to say thanks to a few
people and tell you where things stand.

Annie, Sim, Andi, Moo-cow - I appreciated your posts very much. Andi, I
know exactly what you mean about Hallmark card ads, etc. I sometimes
wonder how I can be so emotion-filled at times, and then a few moments
later turn around and wonder if I can really feel anything deeply - if
I really do (can) love. Moo-cow, I'm glad you got a good uncle. I had a
good grandfather too. My father's father lived with us the last couple of
years before he died. I was in high school at the time, and his being in the
house affected me a great deal. He had pretty bad Alzheimer's by the end,
and I don't think he quite knew who we were - just some nice people taking
care of him. I think the constant turmoil of a teenager-filled house made
the end of his life interesting. He was never mean, and never demanding.
He cried at beautiful music and said his rosary. He died at  home one day -
just slowly stopped breathing. It was very peaceful and very happy. We all
got the chance to tell him goodbye, and that we loved him, and that we were
happy for him. It was beautiful. I guess seeing bad makes us appreciate
good.

Which brings us back to the deathwatch.
The bastard is still alive. I don't think he is ever going to die. This is
the kicker: He got really angry a few nights ago - accused my Dad of making
him sicker instead of helping and of trying to wreck his marriage. (My
grandfather remarried after my grandmother died. His wife sleeps in another
bedroom because she can't get any sleep sharing a bed with my grandfather
these days.) My grandfather has old my step-grandmother he wants to have sex
with her and has propositioned to hospice worker who bathes him. (This is
all being relayed to me by my mother.) The way I see it - the drugs, or his
general deterioration have made him less able to mask his true self. Creep,
Creep, Creep. Now I get to go home and play nice. It will be fine - the
wedding is going to be wonderful, and I'll probably only have to see my
grandfather once to keep up appearances, but boy I wish he had kicked a
couple of weeks ago.

Thanks again, and bye for now,

Lions and Tigers

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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar.298@wpi.wpi.edu (Charon) 
Subject:  Cleveland area CL Therapy
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
X-Aps2-Version: 2.1
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 05:31:40 GMT

APS-Name: Charon

For Emerald (asar.299) who wrote:
> her therapist has told her not to go any further
> in her therapy.  She, nor I, still have no memory of our abuse,
> but her therapist feels that she is on the verge of a major
> breakthrough.  The therapist doesn't want her to take this very
> important step and to have to leave therapy because of the lack
> of funds.  Therefore, he has asked her to stop coming until such
> time she can afford to continue without interruption.
> 
> He has also advised her not to use any of the books such as *The
> Courage to Heal,* nor to join any recovery groups, at this time. 
> He fears that they may trigger emotional responses that she may
> not be able to deal with.

I find it hard to believe anyone would hold your sister's well-being
in ransome, but then, this does concern psychologists.  I'm also a
bit perturbed by warnings against seeking other supports such as this
group or even CtH (which I don't like along with AiH, but that is
just my opinion :-) ).

You are both adults now and you do not need a therapist's
'permission' for what you can or cannot read or who you chose as
friends and supporters, nor should you be bullied into backing down
because of what this person may fear may happen: if they really cared
so much and truly believed your sister was on the verge of great
advancement in her healing, they would extend a little credit; even a
dentist can work out affordable terms if they want to.  You can take
the responsibility for your own life, which means taking credit for
what works and taking blame and making amends for your own mistakes.

> What I would like to know is, are there any facilities in the
> Cleveland, OH area that could be of assistance in providing
> therapy/counseling for those who cannot afford to pay a private
> therapist?

I think you can still have the private help if you need it ---
This referral is second hand, from a personal letter from a
highly respected source:

Marilyn Murray, 2889 Edgehill Rd. Cleveland Heights OH 44118 216-321-0442

Now you don't know me from Adam, but I would hope you might give
Marilyn a call; her credentials are light-years beyond my own, her
manner no doubt a great deal less clumsy, and she lives her own
advice.  Her number is also listed in the back pages of David
Reynolds' "Water Bears No Scars" (published by Morrow in 1987).  If
you explain your situations to her, I am certain she will do
everything she can to accommodate you both.

Charon

 "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just       

   sit there."                                                             

                                                              -Will Rogers 


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: to Gerold and Sim...
From: jfriedman@eagle.wesleyan.edu
Date: 16 Apr 92 18:40:43 EDT
Organization: Wesleyan University

Gerold and Sim:

Thanks for existing and for making me feel like I exist and am not compeltely
crazy.  I got your posts just after writing "Posting and pain", and I feel like
I can stand up and walk home now.  It's a start.

                         -jac
From: chrislyn@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Tracey L. Stanchfield)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: a poem
Date: 16 Apr 92 14:57:17 GMT
Article-I.D.: bsu-cs.1375
Organization: Dept of CS Ball State University Muncie In

mouse..
i
I _liked_ your poem.. I wrote something along those lines.. expressing
more of wht was going on behind the "oh.. nothing.. nevermind.."
will try to find it & type it on here...

take care,
tracey