From: snichols@adobe.com (Sherri Nichols)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.baseball
Subject: BINACA BLAST DEEP DRIVE DERBY WINNERS!!
Summary: congratulations to our lucky winners, and have a nice winter
Keywords: binaca blast, tater, homer, acker, deep drive, melon, fatball
Date: 14 Oct 92 23:54:23 GMT
Article-I.D.: adobe.1992Oct14.235423.14220
Organization: Adobe Systems Incorporated

[This may be a re-posting to some of you.  Jon has tried twice to post
this, but it hasn't appeared at several sites, so he asked me to post it
for him. -smn]


From: king@cogsci.ucsd.EDU (Jonathan King)
Subject: BINACA BLAST DEEP DRIVE DERBY WINNERS!! (was Re: 1993 SABR convention)
Organization: binaca blast deep drive research institute

[sorry if this is a repeat for some, but I was told this might not
have gotten out to the world at large when I sent it out before.]

jbn@photon.com (Joe Naiman) writes:
>The Society for American Baseball Research's 1993 convention will be
>June 24-28 at the Town and Country Hotel in San Diego.

...and the convention will include a tour of the ruins of the Late Great
Binaca Blast Deep Drive Research Institute, which is incredibly happy to
bring you our last seasonal update, in which we announce the winners of


               THE 1992 BINACA BLAST DEEP DRIVE DERBY.


FINAL NOTES

The Binaca Blast Deep Drive Research Institute (BB DD RI) was founded
in 1991 in order to foster a greater appreciation of the pitcher's
substantial contribution to the Deep Drive, which is the focus of so
many of our most lasting baseball memories.  In order to increase fan
awareness of the pitcher's role in homerun-related behavior, our
generous corporate sponsor endowed the Deep Drive Research
Institute, and given us a mandate to award prizes to the pitcher in
each league who contributes to the greatest number of home runs per
inning, and thus wins the Binaca Blast Deep Drive Derby (BB DDD).  

Unfortunately, the economic slow-down that has gripped the rest of the
nation has also had its inexorable effect on the BB DD RI, and it is
with some regret that we announce our suspension of operations.
Negotiations are currently underway for other folks to continue the BB
DDD Updates next year, but the fate of the update is at best uncertain
at this juncture.

We'd like to thank all of you for your support and your many (unfortunately
non-monetary) contributions, and we'd like to remind you once again that
we are *not* in fact connected in any way with the organizers of the
Jim ACKer Pitch-Alike Contest (JACK-PAC).


*** DEEP DRIVE NEWS, RUMORS, AND FEATURES ***

Jim Acker Update:

The Ackman, released earlier this season, did not manage to catch on
with any other teams, and indeed may never dish deeply again.  For a
non-expansion team, that is.  We are personally hoping for the
Rockies.


"Ammo" Arnsberg Update:

Ammo didn't quite make it back to the bigs this year, although his
name will indeed live on as both adjective and verb in the lore of
the Deep Drive Derby Update, as you shall see.


"Jammin' and Slammin" Mike Schooler Update:

Sherri Nichols was extremely kind to point out that after Mike
Schooler tied the MLB record for grand slams in a season (4), he had
this to say about the event (really):

"I've reached the epitome
    of slaminity!"

Hey, hey, Booboo!  Mike's smarter-than-the-average-Ranger pitching
coach!  Next year we're betting he'll be allowed no closer to the
Kingdome than, oh, Jellystone Park.

It's events like this that make us wonder why we didn't try to gauge
clutch pitching.  At least Game-Over Tater Events (GOTEs), which are a
proper subset of Game-Over Deep Drives and other Miscues (GODDAMs), which
the Surgeon General has identified as being the source of over 90% of
baseball-related (repetitive) stress injuries.  Oh well.


Local Research Institute News:

Even as I write this, they're reposessing the Cray and ripping out
the custom orientals as the liquidation continues...not a pretty sight,
although no less pretty than that hanging fatball that Ron Gant jacked
into the stands just the other day; too bad we aren't tabulating the
post-season.

But meanwhile, the Research Institute Director managed to get his old
job back, for which he is most thankful.  Thankful all the more since
he and his awesome wife Karen have just had their first child, whose
name is Lucy Emma Boutilier King, and whose auspicious birth occurred
last September 22, which was the Autumnal Equinox.  Unfortunately, she
seems to be almost entirely uninterested in baseball so far.  Her mom
suggests this is because of mere technicalities, such as having no
actual visual acuity at distances greater than a foot or so.  And,
indeed, it would be tough for her to enjoy a "Whiplash" West Special
given that the neck snap would hardly come naturally to somebody who
can barely hold her head up yet.  But next year, there will be no
excuse.

But, speaking of the future, the Director would also like to
acknowledge the heroic efforts of the saintly Kevin Maher, a local
UCSD Deep Drive Fan who helped keep me in touch with the Net during
the Institute's recent Time of Troubles.  Without him, I would never
have had the on-line year-end stats to do this update, which would
have been Really Tragic (tm).  I'm not sure I've been able to talk him
into leading the Deep Drive Derby Update effort for next year, but its
possible that your cards and letter could sway him.  He is a true fan
of the Deep Drive, and, more importantly, he has the Total Baseball
CD-ROM.  What more can I say?  Send him your encouragement at:

maher@yuan.ucsd.edu

(But send your flames directly to me.)


Gary Huckabay Update:

Gary Huckabay officially left the Research Institute at the beginning
of the month to pursue other interests, such as trying to get enough
money to buy food.  In addition, the Yutzboy cheerily notes that he's
trying to begin his Lundy-Of-the-Month Club (and plans to use the
spiffy stock ticker symbol LUNDOMONC after a planned 1994 IPO).


Lost and Found:

In the last month of the season, lots and lots of balls were lost over
various fences, and many fresh new faces started to heave the melon
like the real masters.  Unfortunately, space does not allow us to give
a detail preview of next seasons most promising Longball Launchers.

Also lost (from the IBM Tale of the Tape department) was a Dennis Cook
dinger off of Jack Clark, since the official figure turned out to be
less than 430 feet (our error, pointed out by Dave Grabiner).


Ben McDonald True Tater Name Search Update:

Unfortunately, this TTN search really didn't take off like the one we
held for "Payload" Pena, although we would like to acknowledge the following
entries:

TRUE TATER NAME			PROPOSER		COMMENTS

Ben "McFly" McDonald		Jeffrey Comer		Comer relies on
Ben "McTater" McDonald		Jeffrey Comer		fast food references
Ben "Big Blast" McDonald	Jeffrey Comer		for humorous effect.

Ben "Poled" McDonald		Bill Guilford		"as in hitting the
							 foul pole" (sure...)

Ben "Smack"Donald		Richard C. Kidwell	Sort of clever

Ben "Tater Farmer" McDonald	Bob Hemler		Bob tells us he has
Ben "dover and watch it" McD... Bob Hemler		many more where these
"What Hap" Ben McDonald		Bob Hemler		came from, but that
                                                        he deleted them.

Ben "Galvaneck" McDonald	John Palmer		Moon-lighting, it
Ben "Mash" McDonald		John Palmer		would appear...

Ben "Snidely Whiplash McDonald	Edward Williams		Whiplash already in use

Ben "Big Bang" McDonald		John Rickert		Didn't win this contest
				Vincent Gray		because Vince got there
							first

Although the alternatives were equally deserving (cough) we at the BB
DD RI have decided to go with "Big Bang Ben" McDonald, in that order, and
decided to award the contest prize to Vincent Gray.  (The Prize, of course,
is a six month subscription to Hucakabay's Lundy-of-the-Month Club; enjoy,
Vince!)

Of course, no sooner did we decide this, however, and BBB started
slacking off a bit.  Oh well.


IBM Tale of the Tape Results:

The number of reports dropped off considerably, but this is more than
made up for by the the impressive 473 foot deep drive by Doug Drabek
off the bat of Fred McGriff.  DD's DD was a real BB.


"Pitcher"            Team   Distance   Hitter            Spotter

Ben McDonald          BAL        483   Rob Deer          Glenn Tanner
"Helium" Haney        MON        475   The Straw         Carl Brenner
Doug Drabek(!)        PIT        473   Fred McGriff      Prashnanth
Bob "Smacki" Milacki  BAL        466   Frank Thomas      Carl Lamay
"Apocalypse" Horsman  OAK        454   Albert Belle  Gary "The Hucker" Huckabay
Skippy Belinda        PIT        452   Fred McGriff      BB DD RI
"Tater" Tim Leary     NYY        451   Candy Maldonado   Anand Sinha 
Mike Mussina          BAL        450   Juan Gonzalez     Glenn Tanner
Ricky Bones           MIL        449   Ron Karkovice     Nick Marden
John Smiley           MIN        445   Chris Hoiles      Lance Smith
John Candelaria       LAD        444   Fred McGriff      Prashnanth (ucsd)
Mike Moore            OAK        442   Wade Boggs!       Bert Smith
Jeff "Outy" Innis     NYM        442   Dave Justice      cavegory@yale...
"Lob it" Lancaster    DET        440   Chili Davis       Lance Smith
"Magnum" Magnante     KCR        440   Jack Clark        BB DD RI
Clay "Pigeon" Parker  SEA        440   Juan Gonzalez     Glenn Tanner
Ben McDonald          BAL        440   Don Mattingly!    Jeff Comer
Tom Glavine           ATL        440   Jeff Bagwell      ???oops
"Souvenir" Sampen     MON        439   Fred McGriff      Prashnanth (ucsd)
Erik Hanson           SEA        436   Dean Palmer       Glenn Turner
Joe Hesketh           BOS        435   Kent Hrbek        Valentine
Bob Walk              PIT        435   Gary Sheffield    BB DD RI
Craig Lefferts        SDP        434   Cory Snider       Prashnanth
Dave Righetti         SFG        431   Felix Jose        Harold Brooks
Alex Fernandez        CHW        431   Juan Gonzalez     Glenn Tanner
Jack McDowell         CHi        431   Juan Gonzales     Kevin Maher/ BB DD RI
Rick Sutcliffe        BAL        430   Lee Stevens       BB DD RI

[...hundreds of taters deleted until we get to the winner of the Tom White
Binaca Breathdrops Dinky Dinger winner...]

"Airmail" Armstrong   CLE        302   Phil Plantier     Paul Martenis

[note:  Tom White always writes in to remind me to use his "Dinky Dinger"
 line.  No comment.]


Well, it's all over except the cryin', as they say. 

Here and without further verbiage we bring you the...



             1992 AL BINACA BLAST DEEP DRIVE DERBY WINNER


                   Denis "Boom Boom" Boucher
                      Cleveland Indians

"Boom Boom" ("Boomer", to his friends) fought back from a brief period
of effective pitching to win the 1992 AL BB DDD going away (so to
speak).  And speaking of speaking, "Boom Boom" also became the first
French-speaker (and first Canadian) to win this much coveted prize.  A
man of few words, Boucher accepted the award, saying "Je suis tres
heureux; Vive La Binaca!"  

(Hmm.  Boomer: Je boome, tu boomes, il boome; nous boomons, vous
boomez, ils booment.  Mon dieu, Boucher a boome neuf fois cet annee!)

Boucher's outstanding .220 HR/IP was not quite up to the standard set
by "Gyro Gene" Nelson last year, but he did keep enough heads spinning
throughout the season to outdistance his nearest competitor, who was
none other than Bob "Round Tripper" Kipper.  Kipper's bid for the
title, as you may recall, was sadly scuttled by Twins' management in
mid-season, much to the annoyance of several contestants in the
JACK-PAC this year.  Moving back to the Deep Dive Derby, though, the
Kipmeister was just 1 tater shy of the title, with his 8 taters in
38.2 innings working out to an (Arnsberger-corrected) .200 HR/IP.

AL BINACA BLAST DEEP DRIVE DERBY FINAL UPDATE

"Pitcher"                   Team    HR/IP

"Boom Boom" Boucher          CLE     .220
"Round Tripper" Kipper       MIN     .200a
"Juicy Joe" Slusarski        OAK     .197*
"Upper Deck" Aldred          DET     .185
Dennis "The Menace" Cook     CLE     .184
"Bashman" Bailes             CAL     .175a
Rick "Wise" Bones            MIL     .166  (aka "Frequent Flyer" Bones)
Bill "The Drill" Gullickson  DET     .158
"DeLiner" De Lucia           SEA     .156
"Cannon" Bohanon             TEX     .155
Eric "Air Show" King         DET     .152
Shawn "Gone" Hillegas        NYY     .151
Dave "Blotto" Otto           CLE     .150
Clay "Pigeon" Parker         SEA     .150a
Mark "The Masher" Davis      KCR     .150an
"Ammo" Arnsberg              CLE     .150a*

* = pitcher currently not in the majors
a = Arnsberg Correction applied
n = pitcher traded to NL


Don't hit 'n'!  Because we have yet to announce the...


             1992 NL BINACA BLAST DEEP DRIVE DERBY WINNER

                      "Orbital Fran" Oliveras
                        San Fransicso Giants

For the second consecutive year, Bay Area fans have been able to watch
a league-leading Melon Master homerically heave the ol' Casaba.
"Orbital Fran" Oliveras, a top finisher last year, came through in the
clutch to post an MLB-leading .249 HR/IP.  Speaking through an
interpreter, Oliveras told us that he was "touched" to win the award,
and further noted that: "This is likely to be the high point, or a
turning point, in my career.  But the thanks are all due to Roger
Craig, without whom I would never have had the opportunity to reach my
full potential."  

Trailing Oliveras was the up-and-coming Long Fly boy Ryan "Boeing"
Bowen who managed to send multiple taters flying around the
not-so-cozy confines of the Astrodome this year.  Bowen should be back
for many years to come, although it isn't known whether he'll be able
to keep up his outstanding .200 HR/IP pace for much longer.  This
certainly will be no problem for third place finisher "Tom Tom"
Bolton, for whom a change of leagues worked wonders for his hanging
fat ball.  Quoth Bolton: "I was really glad to get out of Fenway and onto
a contender this year, since it gave me another chance to prove myself."

NL BINACA BLAST DEEP DRIVE DERBY FINAL UPDATE

"Pitcher"                   Team    HR/IP

"Orbital Fran" Oliveras      SFG     .249
Ryan "Boeing" Bowen          HOU     .200a
"Tom Tom" Bolton             CIN     .195
"Smoke-free" Berenguer       ATL     .175aA
"Killer Ken" Patterson       CHC     .170
"Payload" Pena               ATL     .167
"Shawn the Prawn" Boskie     CHC     .154
"Miler Kyler" Abbot          PHI     .150
"Helium" Haney               MON     .150a*
Don "Ton" Robinson           PHI     .139    (inside Pittsburgh joke, sorry)
"Tuna" Osuna                 HOU     .131
Bud "The Spud" Black         SFG     .130
Roger "Brickman" Mason       PIT     .125

* = pitcher currently not in the majors
a = Arnsberg Correction applied
A = pitcher traded to AL

***

Well, that's all for the Ninth Binaca Blast Deep Drive Derby Update.
Maybe forever.  But in any case, we'd like once again to thank you for
your interest, and remind you that a day without taters is like a day
without...Binaca!

jking


***IMPORTANT NOTICE**IMPORTANT NOTICE**IMPORTANT NOTICE**IMPORTANT NOTICE****
*                                                                           *
*  Disclaimer and Notice of copyright: Statistics for this report were      *
*  gathered from the USA Today Section "C", the USA Today Baseball Thang,   *
*  from the electronic postings of Usenet's own currently recoverd SDCN,    *
*  and DDD heir apparent Kevin Maher.                                       *
*                                                                           *
*  All analysis and other commentary is Copyright (c) 1992 by The Binaca    *
*  Blast Deep Drive Research Institute.  Permission is granted to copy and  *
*  retransmit these analyses for academic and or non-commercial uses only.  *
*                                                                           *
***IMPORTANT NOTICE**IMPORTANT NOTICE**IMPORTANT NOTICE**IMPORTANT NOTICE****
Newsgroups: rec.sport.baseball