From: krw@cbnewsk.cb.att.com (keith.r.smith)
Subject: Re: Styling, profiling and pretending
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 16:49:34 GMT

In article <1ehl8gINNi8h@morrow.stanford.edu> HF.GTD@forsythe.stanford.edu (Gabrielle Daniels) writes:
>In article <1992Nov19.232626.27591@cs.ucla.edu>,
>gds@york.cs.ucla.edu (Greg Skinner) writes:
>>In article <1eejdrINN472@morrow.stanford.edu> HF.GTD@forsythe.stanford.edu (Gabrielle Daniels) writes:
>.
>........................... stuff deleted .............................
>>
>Please reread this:
>>>Even guys sometimes swing a number on women,
>>>verbal or otherwise, along the lines of:  "Well, don't take this
>>>outing/gift/good sex too seriously."  That pulls the plug on any
>>>electricity going.  You can't be yourself.
>
>I remember going out with a guy and really enjoying myself and the
>moment with him. Then the phone rings and it's his other old lady.
>Does he ring off politely and concentrate on who's here?  No.  The
>rat keeps talking about his extracurriculars. Then when I got mad,
>he says, well he wasn't serious, I knew he wasn't and he had every
>right to do whatever he pleased. Dude nearly lost his life that
>night.
>
>>I know some guys pull some lines on women (and vice versa -- switch
>>genders as you will), but I never said anything like that to my ex.
>.
>.
>Greg, will you get a real clue: this discussion is not just about
>you and your ex.  This is about how black people generally relate to
>each other in and out of love.
>
So _this_ is what we are discussing!  W'all kiss mah grits!  All this
time, I thought that we were studying the case of Greg and his XSO.
After all, his story is apparrently what sparked this dsiscussion.
Greg, this is the oldest trick in the book!  My mother and grandmother
used to run this one every time that they would have an argument
(that is, change the topic/scope of the discussion in mid-stream).
I have heard other women do this as well, in their discussion/arguments
with other women, or with men.  If the "right" ain't workin', then
blindside 'em with the "left".  Do you see "stars", Greg?  I sure do!
>>
>>When we broke up, she wanted to know why.  When I gave her the reasons
>>(basically the ones you're giving -- when one loves and the other
>>doesn't, things don't work) she got angry at me.  "Why can't you just
>>let me love you?", she said.  "Why do guys always run away at the sound
>>of the L-word?"
>>
>>So basically, I can't win.
>.
>.
>Well, you heard me a couple of days about black men and the L word.

Greg,
I think that you've been "forked" (a chess term, folx) again. First
you are lower than pond scum for "stringing" homegirl along, and
once you recognize what it is that you were doing (however unintentionally),
and proceed to do the "right thing", which was to cut the string,
waddya' know, now you are one of those black men running from the L word!
>
>>>>You have as much power in a relationship as you are willing to
>>>>retain.
>
>>>Brother, this is the usual macho line.  Sharing each other also
>>>means sharing power within the relationship.  There are tradeoffs:
>>>how much you are willing to give to the other person in order to get
>>>something.  Too bad you can't measure intangibles, like emotions.

One can always take action.

>>>Otherwise, you just don't sit there and take up knitting!
>>
>>Well, the only power that applies in this case is the power to be
>>hurt, which lies in the individual.  I didn't set out to hurt my ex.
>>She was hurt because things didn't work out like she hoped they
>>would, that's all.  The only way she wouldn't have hurt is if we'd
>>never gone out, or if I'd fallen in love with her.
>.
>.
>Greg, you still don't get it. But you're young...
>      ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Don't feel bad Greg.  I don't get it either, and I am just as old as
"Ms. Methuselah" here :-).

Keith
Newsgroups: soc.culture.african.american