From: cmbr01@vaxa.strath.ac.uk
Subject: Re: Could anyone be poly?
Organization: Strathclyde University VAX Cluster
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 11:02:06 GMT

In article <1992Dec12.232400.7483@u.washington.edu>, omaha@hardy.u.washington.edu (Omaha Sternberg) writes:
> mbr2@quads.uchicago.edu (Curious Of All Natures) write
  
> 	I love how most people can take jealousy to mean one thing and
> one thing only. Unfortunately for most people jealousy has different
> aspects.
> 	I say that I am a jealous person when my SO jumps into bed(or
> any other place) with one or more other people and I am not involved.

I would not say this was jealousy, but ENVY.
Jealousy is where you do not want someone to have something/one else.
Envy is where someone has got it and you want it too.

> The reason I am jealous: I can't be there to enjoy the fun. However, it
> was not too long ago that I was jealous for an entirely different

How long ago, Omaha?

> reason, and this jealousy was quite different from the one I experience
> now. I was afraid at that time that any body by SO went out with beyond
> me would eventually pull my SO away from me. The last time that this
> happened, he and I argued, well yelled like hell, over the situation. We
> broke up. However, this break up was a little different from any others
> we had experienced. In this one, Elf implied that he no longer wanted me
> as a friend either. This hit a much deeper mark in me than anything had
> before. For one, I couldn't believe that my pettiness had done so much
> as to make him not even want to see me again, let alone make love to me
> again. Secondly, I considered friendship to be the basis of any loving
> relationship. That he no longer wanted to be my friend as well said to
> me that this was it; it was over.
> 	Well, I spent hours walking throughout Melbourne(Florida, not
> Australia) praying to whatever deity or deities existed that if only Elf
> would be my friend again, I would never be jealous again. Well, when I
> came back to see Elf and other friends over at a friends house, Elf said
> that he would still like to be my friend, just not my lover. Well, my
> prayers had been answered!
> 	For those of you who think that my happiness at his being my
> friend simply meant to me that I could eventually become his lover
> again, the next segment proves your wrong.
> 	I was still living in the same house, but I moved out onto the
> couch in the living room. I was going to stay there until I found myself
> an apartment. Well, I usually didn't get up until 10 or so, but Elf
> would get home by 8 or 9 in the morning from classes. He would go by the
> couch and automatically get into the bed with me. I would look up at him
> and say "Aren't we broken up?", to which Elf would reply"Oh, yeah, I
> forgot." and leave. He did this practically every day, and every day I
> reminded him that we weren't lovers. And not in a sarcastic sense
> either. Eventually Elf told me it would be easier for me to sleep in the
> bedroom with him until I found a new place. Then it was "Well, why
> don't you stay until the lease runs out." Then it was "Well, why don't
> we just stay together a while and see how things go." Then he finally
> admited that he loved me too much to let me go.

Now, don't take this the wrong way, because I do not KNOW you or Elf.
Cynically, I could see this story as being a way for Elf to put
you under hid "emotional" thumb. Maybe he knew you well enough to know
that the outcome would probably turn out the way it did?
Please correct me if you think I am wrong.

Could I ask you for the cause of your fight?

> 	The moral to all this stuff is that, despite the fact that I
> kept pushing him back, Elf came back to me. There was no need for me to
> be afraid that someone was going to take him away. He really did love
> me. And even if the time came where Elf fell in love with someone else
> more than with me, NOTHING I could do would truly "bring" him back to
> me.

Agreed.

> So I decided that I could trust Elf implicitly with others, and just
> know that what will be, will be. And I have never been jealous for THAT
> reason again.
> 	So you see, jealousy is truly multi-faceted, and you can never
> really understand it until you realize this.
> 
> 						Omaha
> 
Thanks. 
       Adios, J.
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