From: MILLARD@pupgg.princeton.edu
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: Cripple Mr Onion in Full
Date: 29 Sep 92 17:21:22 GMT
Reply-To: millard@pupgg.princeton.edu
Organization: Physics Department, Princeton University
Originator: news@nimaster

So many people seem to be champing at the bit here over the details of the
game that I've decided to post up the rules of the game in full - at least
the game as far as we are playing it here at the moment. No doubt there are
a few problems still remaining in it, but we'll just have to see what
happens. I should state, though, that when I write onion, I mean two-card
up to seven-card, whereas when I write Onion (capital O), I mean Double up
to Great.

Cripple Mr Onion requires two standard decks of playing cards, preferably
one having the English or French suits clubs, spades, hearts and diamonds,
and the second having the Spanish or Italian suits swords, staves, cups and
coins - for the purpose of forming flushes, these are taken to be paired in
their respective order given above. The game also requires at least two
players, but not more than seven [this isn't something to do with the number
eight, but a result of the fact that you'd run out of cards with more than
seven players], with a ready supply of small coinage or tokens. The players
need to be arranged as evenly as possible around a table with two small
pots/boxes in the centre - one will be the Pot and the other is for
discards.

At the beginning of each round, one player is identified as the Dealer, with
the player to the Dealer's left as the Elder and the player to the Dealer's
right as the Younger - this sets the order of precedence in being dealt cards
and in winning in the event of a tie as Dealer, Elder, other players in
order and, lastly, Younger. In the event that the Dealership changes, these
identifiers move to be based around the new Dealer. The round opens when the
Dealer shuffles the pack of all 104 cards, the Younger cuts the pack and all
the players place an amount equivalent to the Stake in the Pot. By agreement
of all the players, the maximum amount for a raise is usually set at some
multiple of the Stake.

All the players are dealt five cards in this order: the Dealer receives two
cards and deals all the other players, in order from Elder to Younger, three
cards; the Dealer then receives three cards and deals the other players two
[this is done to speed up the dealing, which isn't exactly the most
interesting part of the game]. Then, in turn, from Elder to Younger, each
player discards up to four cards into the discard pot, or may fold by
discarding all five cards, and announces the number of discards to the Dealer
who replaces them from the top of the pack; the Dealer then discards and
replaces, also announcing the number thrown away. It is important to note
that up to this point all cards have been dealt face down, each player is
only aware of their own cards and, by way of the draw, ought to have a
better hand than was originally dealt.

The first round of betting takes place, consisting of three distinct parts.
In the first two parts, the Dealer names the amount that must be matched by
other players individually if they wish to stay in and places this amount
in the Pot. In turn, from the Elder to the Younger, the players must either
match the Dealer's bid, by placing the same amount in the Pot, or fold by
placing their cards in the discard pot; if a player matches the Dealer's bid,
that player has the option of raising the Dealer by placing a named amount
near the Pot on the player's side. The process of raising does not affect
the other players except for the Dealer who must match the collective raise
or fold - see below for events following the folding of the Dealer. The
matching of the collective raise by the Dealer and the placing of all the
individual raises into the Pot closes that part of the betting. In the third,
and at this stage final, part, the betting is the same except that no
raising may take place. During the betting, the Dealer may make a zero bet,
allowing all the other players to stay in and, in the first two parts and if
they wish, to raise.

The second set of five cards each is now dealt in the following way: the
Dealer receives five cards face down on the table, and then, in turn from
Elder to Younger, each other player may buy cards, multiply or one at a time,
from the Dealer placing an amount equal to the Stake for each bought card in
the Pot. Buying stops at five bought cards, or earlier if the player wishes
when the player is then dealt the remaining cards up to five, that is up to
ten cards in all, face up on the table. Bought cards are dealt face down and
the player may mix them in with the cards from the first stage of dealing,
but cards dealt face up on the table must remain that way, although the
player may rearrange them there. After receiving the second five cards, the
player is then asked to make an extra bet, which again the Dealer must alone
match later on, placing the amount, which may be zero, on the face up cards,
or on the table if there are no face up cards, directly in front of the
player. Once this has taken place for all the players, the Dealer considers
the extra bets made on the basis of all the face up cards and the Dealer's own
ten cards which, of course, are unknown to the other players. If the Dealer
decides to match the total amount of the extra bets made, by placing the
total value in the Pot, all extra bets are placed in the Pot as well and two
last parts of betting take place in the same manner as the first two parts
of the first round of betting as described in the previous paragraph. If the
extra bets are not matched, the Dealer may give the Dealership to the Elder
WITHOUT being required to fold: this is the only point of the game when the
Dealership changes without the Dealer folding - of course, the Dealer loses all
privileges by becoming the new Younger. To accept the Dealership and become
the new Dealer, the Elder must match the other players' collective extra
bets, the Elder's own extra bet, if there was one, being lost to the Pot
without reclaim; otherwise the Dealership is again passed left. This process
is repeated until either the Dealership is accepted, in which case events
proceed as described some twelve lines above, or the Dealership goes full
circle and returns to the original Dealer - then, everybody folds, the Pot
becomes the ante for the next round, the Dealer remains the Dealer and the
next round begins from the beginning.

The game having managed to get this far without utter confusion breaking out,
the final part of the round, Showdown, takes place. Beginning from the
Elder, the highest card grouping is declared and displayed on the table;
if the player to the left of the Elder cannot equal, beat or play some
modifier that affects the Elder's cards, that player's cards are all placed
face up on the table, in their groupings if the player wishes, and the next
player's cards are compared. If the Elder's cards are equalled, then the
next card grouping must be considered. If the Elder's cards are beaten, then
the Elder has the opportunity to play a modifier or rearrange the card
grouping in an attempt to obtain a better arrangement. By this process of
comparison, consideration of lower groupings, rearrangement of card groups
and playing of modifiers, the holder of the better cards, between the
Elder and the player on the Elder's left, is found; the player but one to the
Elder's left is then brought in, and the whole process of finding the
holder of the better cards is repeated. This continues until at last the
Dealer has been brought in, and finally the player who holds the best cards
wins the contents of the Pot; in the event of a complete tie, the player of
greater seniority wins - often, this means that the Dealer wins. The
round is then over, the cards and discards are collected up and the winner
becomes the Dealer for the next round.

In the event that the Dealer folds, the Dealership is auctioned as follows:
from the Elder to the Younger, the players who are still in are asked by the
old Dealer if they wish to be the new Dealer - if the player wishes to be
the new Dealer, that player must advance an amount equal to the Stake. If
another player, when asked, also wishes to be Dealer, then that player
must match the existing bid and advance another amount equal to the Stake.
This process continues around and around the table, with each prospective
Dealer making sure that that player's bid is at least an amount equal to
the Stake higher that the highest bid so far, until all the players except
for one decline to advance any more, when they place their own total bid
in the Pot as they decline, and the single player left becomes the new
Dealer placing the winning bid in the pot. If nobody wishes to be the new
Dealer, all the players fold, the Pot becomes the ante for the next round,
the old Dealer stays as Dealer and another round beings anew.

Well, that describes the basic [!] game. Hands up all those who thought that
thirteen simple winning hands would not make the game complicated. But, of
course, there has been discussion of modifiers [incidentally, if you think
that this reconstruction is a rip-off of other card games around the
Multiverse, all I can say is: you don't have to play and win a lot and
have fun as well], which I shall now describe. These particular modifiers
are, inevitably, the creation of a small group of people: if you think they
should be changed or added to or reduced in number, just say so.

Modifier #0: Crippling Rules.
      i. A nine-card running flush may be used to cripple a Great Onion and
hence win the game. Once crippled, a Great Onion may not be retracted.
      ii. A ten-card running flush outcripples a nine-card running flush in
crippling a Great Onion and may also cripple a Lesser Onion. Once cripped,
the Onion may not be retracted.

[I hope that this one at least doesn't require any comments.]

Modifier #1: Null Eights Rules.
      i. During a round in which eights are not wild (see ii.), an eight
may be used as if it had value zero in order to trump up an onion. In the
event of a tie between two onions with equal numbers of cards, the onion
with the fewer null eights wins.
      ii. In the round following a round in which a null eight has been
played, eights are wild, acting as any regular card. The wild Royal, three
wild eights, may then be played. In the next round, eights return to their
original role.

[To "trump up an onion" means to make a four-card onion into a five-card
onion by the addition of one null eight, or to make a three-card onion
into a seven-card onion with four - it did happen, and he won. Note,
however, that there are no onions beyond seven-card and that wild eights
cannot be used as any of the special cards giving rise to later
modifiers.]

Modifier #2: Wild Crippling Rule.
      In a round in which eights are wild, to successfully cripple the
relevant Onion, the running flush must have at most the same number of
wild cards as the Onion being crippled.

[Note that this is the only manifestation of the "fewer wild cards wins"
rule of poker, the equivalent here being "fewer null eights wins" as in
#1i. above.]

Modifier #3: Octavo Rule.
      When eights are wild, the card group consisting of eight eights can
be considered as a Lesser Onion, but beats other Lesser Onions and may not
be crippled like a Lesser Onion of any other composition.

[Terry likes this one!]

Modifier #4: The Lady's Rules.
      i. If eights are not wild, the queen of spades may be declared, before
or during Showdown, and replaced by the player's choice of one of the next
two cards from the deck, the chosen card taking up the place of the queen;
the other card goes to the discard pot. This move may not be rescinded.
      ii. When eights are wild, the queen of spades devalues one ace, for
every other player, that would otherwise be played as having value eleven, to
value one only. This does not affect any aces in a Great Onion, but may
affect cards, in any grouping, which, by being wild or by other means, would
otherwise be played with value eleven.

[If you're playing with two English decks, you're going to have to choose
one of the two queens of spades and mark it, not on the back though, so
use old or cheap cards for this. By declaring, I mean put the card on the
table face up and point it out to the other players; here, of course, the
queen may no longer be used in forming card groupings since a replacement
card has been received (very useful for getting out of those triple
bagels) but should be left near the player on the table rather than in the
discard pot. For the reason for this, read on...]

Modifier #5: Fate's Rules.

      i. If the queen of spades has been declared and replaced, the king
of cups may also be declared and replaced in a like manner, in the process
making all aces held by the player who used the queen of spades have value
zero. Unlike null eights, however, zeroed aces cannot trump up onions.
      ii. If eights are wild, the king of cups may be declared so that
eights immediately cease to be wild; a different player who has the queen of
spades, whether visible, played or not, may then make his own eights wild
again. The king of cups may not be revoked once declared, and a single
player may not use the king of cups and then the queen of spades in this way.

[The suit of cups, you may remember, is paired up with hearts, so choose one
of the the king of hearts as Fate.]

Modifier #6: Great A'Tuin's Rule.
      Declaring the queen of coins allows the player to reduce the value of
one of the player's cards by eight points and to increase the value of a
different card by eight points. The two affected cards must still have value
between one and eleven inclusive.

[Coins are paired with diamonds. A two that is shifted up to value ten may
be considered a picture card, a three shifted up to eleven as an ace of
value eleven.]

Modifier #7: The Elephants' Rule.
      Any four cards, each being either a nine or a ten or an eight when
eights are wild, that are declared with the queen of coins in one
player's hand, allow that player to shift as many points as are needed to
to generate a Double Onion. This Double Onion may be beaten by any other
Double Onion. Any nines or tens in the player's hand that are not involved
in the shift may be considered as ones, not aces, and twos respectively.

[Since the five cards involved here have only been declared, they are, of
course, still playable as cards in groups. Remember that a ten may not
take the role of a picture card in an Onion - a shifted nine, eight etc.
is needed. With two nines, two tens and the queen of coins, a possible shift
is: add one each to the nines and tens - hence the Double Onion - and take
four from the queen of coins to be a six.]

Modifier #8: The Sender of Eight's Rules.
      i. When eights are not wild, a visible jack of diamonds makes any aces
belonging to a player who uses any eights become zeroed (see #5i.).
      ii. When eights are wild, the jack of diamonds must be declared as soon
as it is dealt and identified, zeroing all aces and disallowing eights from
taking on value one or eleven.

[As before, choose one of the jacks of diamonds and mark it on the face.]

Modifier #9: Death's Rules.
      i. When eights are not wild, a visible king of swords makes one
picture card in every player's hand that has two or more picture cards have
no part in forming a Double Onion.
      ii. When eights are wild, the visible king of swords makes one
picture card in every player's hand that has two or more picture cards have
no part in forming either a Double Onion or a Triple Onion.

[Swords are paired with clubs. The "killed" picture card can still take
part in anything else, which usually means a bagel or two.]

Modifier #10: The Archchancellor's Rules.
      i. Any player who plays the jack of staves may not also play an
eight as having value eight.
      ii. If the jack of staves is declared at any time during the game, the
king of swords must also be declared if held; if the king of swords is
declared, then all the other players must also declare one previously
undisclosed card each. If no one holds the king of swords, the the jack of
staves becomes wild for the rest of the round.

[By a process of elimination, staves are paired with spades.]

Modifier #11: The Fool's Rule.
	If, immediately before Showdown, the jack of clubs is declared,
then, for the rest of the round, bagels change places with Onions in the
order of winning card groupings. That is: the two-card onion and the
single bagel change places, the Double, Triple and Lesser Onions are ex-
changed with the double, triple and lesser bagels respectively, and the
great bagel becomes only beaten by, but may also be crippled like, the
Great Onion which remains at the top of the list.

[This now makes bagels worth something, other than a tie-breaker. The
jack of clubs, of course, can still take part in bagels, and any other
card grouping, as usual.]

Okay, so there are some in-jokes in that lot, but you don't need to know
them all, or indeed any of them, to be able to play the game and it hasn't
stopped me playing the game with a large group of people here who have
never heard of Bel-Shamharoth or the Rite of Ashk'Ente. It might be fun
to try and work out the reasoning behind the modifiers - and yes, there
is a reason behind nearly every one that may be found somewhere in the
Discworld books. This is the point though: unlike Dragon Poker, where
the typical modifier seems to be "If there are three players with
four arms, the moon is gibbous, there's an r in the month and the Dealer
is blue, the three of Unicorns is wild in the seventeenth round" (no
criticism of Robert Asprin - it's a fun idea), Cripple Mr Onion
modifiers should be based on Discworld mythology and belief; I've taken
the view that the game is as old as Ankh-Morpork and has, over the
centuries, absorbed all sorts of details of Disc life.

Anyway, comments please.
Andrew C. Millard
Physics Department,
Princeton University.
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett