From: moh2@quads.uchicago.edu (Kateri/Mary Anne)
Subject: Re: arranged marriages
Reply-To: moh2@midway.uchicago.edu
Organization: University of Chicago Computing Organizations
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 00:36:41 GMT

In article <1992Nov4.231351.20302@cbnewsi.cb.att.com> alok@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (alok.vijayvargia) writes:
>In article <1992Nov3.160550.16577@midway.uchicago.edu>, moh2@quads.uchicago.edu (Kateri/Mary Anne) writes:
>
>> Look, you're expecting a modest woman to become intimate with
>> a total stranger (keeping in mind that the majority of these women
>> seem to have no idea what sex is about, even in the abstract.  
>> Of course they'll be frightened.
>
>But they are not as frightened or clueless as you suggest. 
>They are apprehensive but conditioned to expect sex on the wedding night.
>I will share this with you and I hope Preeti or somebody doesn't jump on
>this to make their mark on the net ... (If somebody does, this is my last
>sharing).

Okay, Alok, I'm going to respond, but *please* don't take it as an
attack - I don't want to drive you away.
I'll start by saying that I commend you for your consideration,
gentleness and tact.  If all men were like you, then I wouldn't worry
about this nearly as much.  

But, I have to say that your earlier statment is false.  Where you say
that Indian women are apprehensive but conditioned to expect sex...

I've talked to at least three Indian women - all over 21, who had no
clue that they were expected to have sex on the wedding night.  All of
them thought that it would be months later.  (Now, how they reconcile
this with the fact that if a woman is not pregnant nine months after
her wedding all her relatives start worrying, I don't know.  I don't
think they really understand the connection between sex and having
children). 

Not only that, but one woman didn't really know what sex entailed at
all.  I tried to educate her, and I'm afraid she was pretty shocked.
Sigh...
I guess there are some benefits to Catholic schools and 4th grade sex
ed classes after all...:-)


>My wife took the initiative for getting intimate on the wedding night.

Good for her.

>Yes, most Indian guys are also ignorant, for the simple reason that they 
>haven't gone through sex either before marriage. Most of their knowledge 
>about sex is from movies or pornos. A few may have read a book on it.


That's not quite what I meant.  I wasn't asking if they were
experienced - I had sort of assumed that the majority weren't - and
that's fine.  Knowledge of sex from movies and books is probably not
the best way to go about it, but better than nothing, I suppose.  What
I was asking was more if Indian guys talk about sex with other Indian
guys.  I know American guys do.....I know that Indian girls pretty
much don't (although I was surprised how much Indian adult women *do*
talk about sex, and their husbands :-).
>
>Alok

Once again, I'm very glad things worked out so well with your wife,
and I wish you both all happiness.

 - Amirthi

P.S. Does she mind your posting such details to the net?

-- 
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads.  One
path leads to despair and utter hopelessness.  The other to total
extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
						 - Woody Allen
Newsgroups: alt.culture.us.asian-indian