From: jrs@netcom.com (John Switzer)
Subject: Unofficial Summary for Tuesday, July 28, 1992
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 92 07:25:03 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Keywords: Unofficial Summary Rush Limbaugh

Unofficial Summary of the Rush Limbaugh Show

for Tuesday, July 28, 1992

by John Switzer

NOTE: This is being posted to both alt.fan.rush-limbaugh and
alt.rush-limbaugh and thus you may see it twice if your sysadm
aliases the two newsgroups together. Since most sites don't
support both groups, this double-posting appears to be
unavoidable, however, if anyone has any ideas on how to avoid it,
please let me know. Thanks - jrs@netcom.com.

This unofficial summary is copyright (c) 1992 by John Switzer.
All Rights Reserved. Distribution of this unofficial summary to
other electronic forums and bulletin boards is highly encouraged.
Spelling and other corrections gratefully received.

Please read the standard disclaimer which was included with the
first summary for this month. In particular, please note that
this summary is not approved or sanctioned by Rush Limbaugh or
the EIB network, nor do I have any connection with them other as
a daily listener.

******************************************************************

July 28, 1992

MORNING UPDATE

The tampon has been passed from feminazi to feminazi. In Sunday's
New York Times Lisa Nee writes that women should be given a tax
advantage for having to live in urban areas that are being
destroyed by men. She claims "women spend a tremendous amount of
their income protecting themselves from unpleasant situations
created by men. Those unpleasant situations are as follows: men
urinate on public property, men blow their nose with abandon on
the sidewalk, men are the major perpetrators of rape, robbery,
shooting children, and abandoning families. On a beautiful day,
men squelch your appreciation for the outdoors by leering,
honking, and making that monkey-sucking noise."

Nee continues on to say "women, on the other hand, are a calming
influence, peacefully beautifying the city. Yet women can't even
look down as we walk out of fear of seeing what kind of male body
fluids we might be standing in." Nee also complains that women
have to pay for cabs instead of walking, not to mention that they
have to pay higher rents so that they can live in secure
buildings. Thus, women need some "monetary incentive (i.e. tax
cuts) to remain urban dwellers." Rush echoes what is undoubtedly
the sentiment of many of his listeners as he cries out "somebody
give me a break!"

FIRST HOUR

Items

o       Rush was awoken from a sound sleep this morning by
someone who wanted to know if the story in today's USA Today is
true - is he really going to be a guest star on the Designing
Women TV show? Rush has yet to sign any agreements on this, yet
Linda Bloodworth Thomason is using him as publicity for her new
season. Thomason also said that she wants to sleep in the White
House's Lincoln Bedroom, as Rush has already done. However, the
Lincoln Bedroom is not where Lincoln actually slept; instead, the
room was Lincoln's office while he was President.

Update  Condom         (Fifth Dimension, "Up, Up, and Away")

A savvy Cranston, Rhode Island entrepreneur has bought an old
Fotomat booth and reopened it as "the Condom Hut" - a drive-thru
condom store. Rush wonders if the booth will still offer
enlargements.

Items

o       Rush got a great FAX of a cartoon in the Tampa Tribune -
Dan Quayle is appearing on Larry King Live, and King is asking
Quayle what he would do if his daughter murdered somebody during
an armed robbery. Quayle replies "I'd guess I'd stay by her,
Larry." Thus, the headline in the next day's Daily Blitz is
"Quayle Backs Murder and Armed Robbery." Rush loves the cartoon
and says it "nails it."

o       Pete Hamill calls America's Dream Team "bullies" in his
column today, and he thinks their performance is a really bad
thing for America. Rush is therefore worried that this same
attitude may be carried over into next season's football games;
thus, he will introduce a new set of rules for "liberal
football."

Update  Perot         (Bombing theme from Dr. Strangelove,
        "When Johnny Comes Marching Home")

Bo Snerdley received some mail today from an angry Pennsylvanian
Perotnista. The man works at a university agriculture department,
and sent Bo a picture of the "grave" he dug in which he buried
his support of Ross Perot. He tells Bo to show the picture to
everyone at EIB, including "R. Bush Limbaugh who sounds
ridiculous with his three hour a day bashing of the opposition."
The man also attacks Rush for saying that condensation on his
coffee cup would dilute the coffee.

Rush laughs and explains that a few months ago he harangued Bo on
the air because he didn't bring him his coffee promptly. As a
result when Rush took off the lid, condensation dripped
everywhere, and "diluted" his coffee. Rush is amazed that
scientists have no sense of humor whatsoever.

Getting back to the main topic, the photo enclosed with this
letter shows how bitter a Perotnista this guy really is - the
photo shows a grave with a tombstone inscribed "H. Ross Perot,
June 27, 1930 to July 16, 1992. Bushwhacked by a band of lawless
desperados - 1) Marlin Fitzwater 2) Dan Quayle 3) William Bennett
4) R. Bush Limbaugh 5) the media posse." The grave is also
surrounded by a Perot bumper sticker, Perot cap, and Perot T-
shirt. Rush laughs and promises to save the photo for his
upcoming newsletter. Bo shakes his head at his boss who is
laughing at a grave site.

Rush continues on with Perot's economic proposal - a number of
columnists such as Michael Kinsley are praising the plan, and
condemning Perot for not having the guts to tell the people the
"truth." The economic plan supposedly would end $300 billion in
entitlement programs; however, the problem with this is that most
of these entitlements are mandated spending.

Putting this objection aside, though, Perot's plan would cut the
budget deficit to $36 billion by 1996, and create an $8 billion
surplus in 1998. The top income tax rate would be raised to 33%,
and the federal gas tax would be raised 50 cents per gallon by
1998. Tax deductions on home mortgages would be limited to the
first $250,000 of the loan, and business deductions would be cut
to only 50% face value. Taxes would be raised on cigarettes and
on Social Security earnings. Medicare premiums would increase,
and military spending would be cut $40 billion more than Bush's
current plan. Perot would also implement a capital gains tax cut.

Rush recalls Perot's statement early in his "campaign" that the
deficit could be cut about $180 billion by cutting "fraud and
waste." So why doesn't Perot's economic plan include these
savings? Perot didn't say one thing about cutting fraud or waste,
and his plan in fact would cut flesh and blood from the budget.
Some might think that this is a moot issue, but Perot's
supporters are stating that they will push Perot's plan onto both
Bush and Clinton.

*BREAK*

Update  Patsy Schroeder         (Elton John, "The Bitch is Back")

Rep. Patricia Schroeder (D-CO) received an obscene FAX from a
Marine Corps FAX machine at the Air Station in New River, NC. The
FAX was sent Thursday, according to a Marine Corps spokesman, and
the matter is now being investigated by military authorities. The
FAX included pictures and a few brief obscene sentences that
referred to Schroeder and other Marine Corps women. The language
included "anatomical references to women," which shocks Rush
mightily. The Marine Corps has already apologized to Rep.
Schroeder. Rush comments that EIB gets a lot of obscene FAXes but
never bothers to investigate them.

In sort of related news, Rush comments that a California company
is now selling a "Top Secret" bikini top which includes a small
air pump to inflate the bikini. Rush comments that this piece of
clothing should be part of the dress code for anyone who is
driving home with Ted Kennedy.

*BREAK*

In some horrible news, Chrysler had a huge profit in their second
quarter. This sort of thing just isn't supposed to happen, but
Chrysler earned $178 million, which is far above economists'
estimates. The company took a major loss in the first quarter,
but it told analysts that it would recover during the second
quarter. The analysts, though, refused to believe this.

Lee Iacocca credited the sales of minivans, trucks, and jeep
vehicles for the increase in profits. Rush wonders how Clinton is
going to get elected if this sort of thing continues to happen?
Iacocca is even a Democrat, for jiminey's sake. Rush knows he is
putting his show at risk for publicizing this bad news, but
somebody has to make this sacrifice for the sake of the country.

Phone   Jay from Atlanta, GA

Jay wants to argue with Rush - he is a "Goldwater Republican,"
and he doesn't like how Rush is mislabeling everything. Rush
seems to be claiming that all Democrats are liberals, while all
Republicans are conservatives. However, there are some good
Democrats and some bad Republicans. For example, there are a lot
of conservative Democrats in the South.

Rush points out that the conservative Democrats have voted for
Reagan and Bush in the past 12 years because their own party has
left them. Rush also has made a distinction between liberal
Democrats and conservative Democrats. Jay, though, thinks that
Rush should return to basics, and remember Eleanor Roosevelt's
dictum "you don't vote for the man, you vote for the party." He
thinks Rush should go back to the GOP's basic platform and make
that his prime objective.

Rush is confused as to Jay's argument; Rush puts his country
before any party, and he firmly believes that conservatism is
better than liberalism. Rush wonders whether Jay thinks Clinton
will be better than Bush in 1992. Jay answers definitely not, and
in fact he is so disgusted he may not even vote. Rush can't
believe Jay is lambasting him for not being loyal to the party,
but then says he himself may not vote.

Jay doesn't think that Rush has much credibility left as he
claimed that the US would make money off of the Gulf War, yet we
haven't. Rush chortles and points out that all of the Gulf War
payments have come in, and the US certainly hasn't lost any
money, and may still have made a small profit. Some, of course,
think that it's immoral to make any profit off of war, but Rush,
as a good capitalist, thinks that you should be able to make
money off of everything.

*BREAK*

Items

o       An amazing story is in the news today about a "lost
world" in Vietnam that has a number of newly discovered
creatures.

o       The Dream Team had a narrow victory over the Croatia
basketball team - it won by only 30 points.

Phone   Frank from Beaver Falls, PA

Frank comments that he especially likes Rush's selection for the
Patsy Schroeder Update Theme. Frank wonders what Rush thinks
about Jack Kemp's idea to get Democratic governor Robert Casey
(D-PA) to speak at the Republican convention. Rush loves the idea
because it would compliment the Democrats' use of so-called
Republicans who made pro-choice speeches at the Democratic
convention. Using Governor Casey would be appropriate, especially
since the Democrats refused to let him speak at their own
convention because he is pro-life. Since the Democrats also let
the little boy who corrected Quayle's spelling of "potato" recite
the pledge of allegiance, Rush suggests that the Republicans
should also get Gennifer Flowers to sing the National Anthem.

Frank also angles for a free T-shirt, but Rush resolutely gives
him the EIB merchandise number (1-800-6RUSH91.) Rush comments
that when people ask for freebies, it takes the fun out of when
Rush surprises a lucky caller.

Phone   Ellen from Denver, CO

Ellen has a bumper sticker that says "Perot - the Yellow Rose of
Texas," and although she is not a regular listener, she would
like to advertise them on Rush's show. Rush wonders how many of
these Ellen has, and she says that she hasn't printed up any yet.
Rush doesn't think coming up with these bumper stickers right now
is a good idea since the bloom is really off the Perot rose.

Ellen wonders why Perot ran in the first place, and Rush says
that Perot was basically a media personality who had a major
performer's ego. Like other media personalities, he realized that
simple popularity does not automatically translate into votes.
Perot's ego-thrill vanished when he spoke before a hostile NAACP,
and he probably decided then he didn't need the hassle.

*BREAK*

Phone   Jim from Akron, OH

Jim saw an article in yesterday's Wall Street Journal about the
splintering of America, and how politicians use "wedge" issues to
exacerbate these divisions. Jim thinks that this is a perfect
description of what George Bush is doing when he blames liberals
for all of America's problems. Rush says that all the Republicans
are doing is calling attention to what the liberal Democrats are
doing; it is liberal Democrats who are trying to divide up
America since the Democratic party is composed of a coalition of
these tiny, little groups. All Republicans are doing is pointing
out the Democratic tactics.

*BREAK*

SECOND HOUR

Rush got a FAX from an Ardmore, PA listener who sent a letter to
the Gore/Clinton campaign about their economic plan. The FAX is a
copy of the campaign's response which states that Clinton claims
he can cut the deficit "dramatically" within 5 years and "unleash
hundreds of billions of dollars of capitol [sic] for the private
investment that drives prosperity." The letter has a facsimile
signature of Bill Clinton.

Rush wonders if Quayle's office would send out a letter with this
misspelling - "capitol" is a building, while "capital" is money.
The press, of course, will ignore this mistake, while still
making hay out of Quayle's "potatoe" gaff. This misspelling,
though, is minor since Clinton's plan would supposedly cut the
deficit down to $141 billion a year after 5 years. This is not
exactly a dramatic reduction that will unleash "hundreds of
billions of dollars."

Furthermore, Clinton is not going to take any savings from his
plan and give them back to the people through tax reductions;
instead, his idea of "private investment" is increased government
spending. Government cannot create prosperity, and it today is
intruding on those businesses who are trying to create
prosperity.

The first paragraph of Clinton's letter says "we can reduce the
deficit over time, but only if we tie current consumption to the
actual increase in personal income so that the budget cannot grow
faster than the average American's paycheck." Rush points out
that these two ideas have nothing to do with one another -
consumers consume, not the government. Clinton says that the
budget won't grow faster than the American paycheck, but it has
always done so, and will continue to do so even more under
Clinton.

Update  Homeless         (Clarence "Frogman" Henry, "Ain't Got No
Home")

Friday's NY Times reported that the homeless are returning to the
Madison Square Garden area. The paper says "as the homeless
trickle back, something akin to guilt comes with them." Local
residents and businessmen liked how the area was cleared of the
homeless during the Democratic convention, but think that it was
a shame that these people were just swept off the streets without
anyone doing anything of lasting import for them.

The NY Times doesn't think it's clear why the homeless were swept
off the streets during the convention, but Rush thinks the reason
is clear - the homeless, along with every vestige of the
liberalism that has dominated NYC for decades, were pushed aside
so that the convention wouldn't be tainted with the spectre of
liberalism.

Homeless advocate Peter Smith says that the convention made him
more bitter than he's ever been. "The Democrats have always been
the party that looked after constituencies that don't have a lot
of wealthy and voting people supporting them," he said. "This
team appears to be abandoning the homeless for middle class
voters."

Rush tells Smith that this would be a great thing if he were
correct; the homeless vote is not significant, and the Democrats
only cared about the homeless because they were a useful tool in
blaming Republicans for the country's social problems. However,
the Democrats don't like having the homeless around more than
anyone else does.

Things will soon get back to normal, though, and liberalism will
return to the party. In fact, Senator Bill Bradley has already
challenged each Presidential candidate to provide specific plans
on eliminating the federal deficit. Bradley said all news stories
about the election should have signs like "89 days to the
election and the candidates still haven't revealed how they'd cut
the deficit." This is amazing stuff from someone who spoke at the
Democratic convention.

Bradley also told Gannet newspaper executives that the
Gore/Clinton ticket would win on the issue of change, but as to
"trust, no one knows, yet." This is incredible - Bradley
effectively admitted that Clinton still has a character problem.

*BREAK*

Rush received a letter from Charlton Heston thanking him for
playing his rendition of Ice-T's "KKK Bitch." Bo is awed that
"Moses" wrote Rush, and he asks if the envelope opened itself.
Charlton and Rush met for the first time about a year ago at a
dinner, and he says he would like to talk to Rush about this
more. Rush says that his newsletter will include interviews of
famous people, and Heston is a good possibility. Rush says "thank
you, Mr. Heston," and Mike Mamone points out that Rush should say
"thank you, Chuck" since that's how Heston signed his letter.

Phone   Mark from Liberal, KS

Mark wants to talk about both the Dream Team and the "Baghdad
Moron." He decides to first talk about the important issue - the
Dream Team. The Angolan players are professionals who play in
professional leagues in Portugal and elsewhere, making up to
$8000 a month. The Croatian players are also professionals, and
Mark thinks that the US should have been sending its own
professionals for years.

Rush says that the only people who are complaining are liberals
who are upset that the world is not a fair and equitable place.
Mark adds that the Dream Team members are not being paid for
their time, but are playing because they love the sport and their
country, and want to bring back the gold medal. Rush thinks Mark
is absolutely right and holds him through the break.

*BREAK*

Phone   Mark from Liberal, KS (continued)

Rush and Mark agree that the US should be happy that this country
has a basketball team strong enough to slaughter the competition
from the rest of the world. As to Saddam, Mark and his wife both
served in the military, and they are tired of the media claiming
that Saddam got the best of the US during the recent stand-off.
He has to wonder what would make the media happy - would they
have supported the US going into Baghdad last year, killing
thousands of civilians, so that Saddam could be captured or
killed? What does the media think should have happened, since
they obviously think that following the UN resolutions was not
enough.

Rush says that there are many Monday morning quarterbacks who are
claiming that the US should have targeted Saddam in 1991, and if
another war starts this should be the main objective. Rush says
that to kill Saddam, hundreds if not thousands of American lives
would be lost. There are many, many Saddam look-alikes scattered
throughout Iraq, and he has a nuclear-proof bunker sunk a mile
below the earth.

It would take special forces working door-to-door to get Saddam;
if the US could have done this, it would have during the war last
year. With so many look-alikes, how could the US know it has
gotten the right one? Is this worth 10,000 American lives?

Rush is also getting fedup with those in the national press who
don't think that Bush or Quayle can do anything right. This is
all part of their plan to make Clinton the savior of the nation,
and they are forgetting that it was Bush who put together an
unprecedented UN coalition. And the last people to sign on with
this coalition were the Democratic Congress.

Now both Clinton and Gore are all for another war - the same
people who wanted to give sanctions enough time to work are now
the biggest hawks in the country. Where are all the calls for
sanctions? Why doesn't anyone believe sanctions will work now? No
matter what Bush does, he'll be criticized on all sides. There
are even those who claim that Bush let Saddam live precisely so
he could fight another war before the election. If Bush does go
in and get Saddam, he'll be attacked for letting Americans die in
a war that "should have" been won in the first place.

Bush is the Commander-in-Chief, and he has to be the one to lead
the nation now. Yet he is being attacked for going by the book,
and for following the UN resolutions. Rush finds the timing of
Saddam's arrogance to be interesting and anything but
coincidental. Saddam does not want another four years of Bush,
and he would be happy as could be to see Bush vacate the White
House.

Clinton is playing the issue safely since he knows his draft-
dodging is a major weakness. Bush has even offered to brief
Clinton, but Clinton has turned the offer down for the moment.
It's a no-win scenario for Bush, though - even if he wins another
war, the American deaths will be used against him. The situation
is not cut-and-dried, and it's absurd to think that current
events have been manufactured by Bush for a political boost. Bush
can't win in this situation, so where does his boost come from?

*BREAK*

Phone   Betty from Carle Place, NY

Betty asks if Rush heard about the 14 homeless veterans who were
the Democratic party's honor guard on the opening night of the
convention. The veterans ended up in Spanish Harlem with a box
lunch and a bus ticket out of town. Rush heard about this, and
calls it a perfect example of how the Democratic party is nothing
but an illusion that seeks to exploit their own constituencies.

Rush asks if there is any national media organization that is
offering any critical analysis or negative stories about the
Gore/Clinton campaign. Since the end of the Democratic
convention, Rush finds it hard to remember one negative story
about the Gore/Clinton ticket. Similarly, can anyone remember any
positive reports about Bush or Quayle? The press shouldn't make
things up, of course, but here Rush is accused of "bashing the
opposition," and he is just a lone voice on the radio; all he is
doing is pointing out the negatives of the Democrats and the
positives of the Republicans.

Clinton's character flaws have vanished, and Gore's change of
heart on abortion is ignored. Throughout the media, and even in
Republican circles, the Bush/Quayle ticket is not given much of a
chance to win in November. Rush is not slanting or shading the
truth; it is difficult to sing the praises of the current Bush
administration, but it is not difficult to show the faults of the
Democratic party. Nor is it difficult to show that it is trying
to portray itself as something other than what it is.

Rush is on one little national network that is going up against
the combined networks of ABC, CNN, NBC, CBS, CSPAN, etc. After a
little thought, Rush admits that this is really no contest - Rush
is to the rest of the media what the Dream Team is to the rest of
the basketball world. But even so, he is the only one who is not
doing the same song-and-dance that the other networks are giving
the Democratic party.

*BREAK*

Phone   Rex from Panama City, FL

Rex is interested in what Rush thinks about the new-ageism that
is sweeping the country and how it is affecting the country. Rush
says that Gore's new book is a perfect example of the new-age
style of pseudo-science. New-ageism is a derivative of humanist
religions that view nature as the ultimate God. In this
philosophy, man can only damage nature, and therefore must be
controlled by a bunch of paternalistic do-gooders. These guys
think that trekking to mountain tops and chanting mantras will
actually bring forth world peace.

Modern new-ageism is the result of cowards who are unable to deal
with the reality of life in the Cold War nuclear age, and now
that this conflict is vanishing, they have chosen the environment
as their new god.

*BREAK*

THIRD HOUR

Rush thanks Mr. and Mrs. William F. Buckley for inviting him to
their concert recital last night in their New York apartments.
The concert lasted one hour, and during the reception beforehand
Rush got into a friendly discussion with Charlie Rose about how
the Democrats are not the centrist party they are pretending to
be.

Rush was intrigued by the Buckley's hosting of the recital since
this used to be a common social event about 80 or 90 years ago.
The pianist, Rosalind Turic, was praised by Vladimir Horowitz as
one of the "two greatest living pianists in the world"; Horowitz,
of course, was the other, and now that "he's passed on to that
great Bsendorfer in the sky," Turic is the only one left. She
played a number of Bach works, and during one of the breaks
between pieces, Buckley leaned over to Rush and said "this next
one's a killer."

Strangely enough, the other attendees at the recital all avoided
the front row, and Rush ended up in the front row with Buckley.
He thus got a chance to see Turic's hands as she played, which
was quite a treat. The recital was originally supposed to be an
editorial meeting for the National Review, and thus all of the NR
editors were present. Rush comments that it was an honor to be in
such an intelligent and erudite group.

Rush was also impressed with Mrs. Buckley, with whom he hadn't
had a chance to speak with before. Rush also met Henry Kissinger,
who commented that they both shared a similar distinction - both
were "savaged" by 60 Minutes. Kissinger said that one thing that
bothered him a lot was "liberals - they accuse us of what they
themselves are doing." A number of other journalistic powers-
that-be were there, including one from Playboy who suggested the
magazine do an interview of him. Rush is thinking about it, but
only in the spirit that this is where the "sinners" are.

Rush also met Professor Robert Jastro, a prominent scientist with
whom Rush talked about the myths of ozone depletion and global
warming. In particular, they discussed the dangers posed to the
scientific community by things such as Al Gore's book.

Warren Steibel was there and is planning on airing a debate with
Buckley, Kemp, and others about the merits and evils of
protectionism. Rush calls the anti-protectionists the economic
"Dream Team" which will cream their protectionist competition.
Rush was so excited by the evening that he called home and woke
his mother up to talk about it.

*BREAK*

Rush plays his opera bump followed by some Bach orchestral music,
causing Joel Sabastini to storm into the studio asking why Rush
has lost touch with the common man - "what about the brewskis and
the Dream Team?" he asks. He warns Rush that he should keep close
to his plebeian roots since "the same people you see going up are
the same ones you see coming down again." The two make plans to
have a couple of brews when football starts up again. Rush says
that "I've chewed tobacco and worn tuxedos - that's what makes me
what I am," and he thanks Joel for caring enough to make sure he
keeps his feet on the ground. Rush did wonder last night, though,
what would happen if he held a Turic recital and invited people
he knew.

*BREAK*

Phone   Carol from Baton Rouge, LA

Carol is concerned about Mark Russell's comment about Rush on
CSPAN - in one of his satirical songs, he referred to the man
"who had gifts on loan from God," adding that these talk show
hosts "preach hate." Rush says that his mother had heard this
song during Russell's speech before the National Press Club, but
she thought it was very flattering, especially as it even ended
with the word "Rush."

This was not the impression Carol got, though, because she
doesn't think Rush preaches hate. Rush says that this is a common
complaint from the left because they are surprised by Rush's
popularity, and the only way they can explain it is by assuming
that Rush is appealing to people's lowest common denominator.
Rush is now interested, though, in hearing Russell's song for
himself to see what the true intent is.

Carol adds that a recent issue of the Chemistry and Engineering
News has a review of Gore's book, and the reviewer points out
that there is little if any real science in the book. Rush
comments that Dr. Dixy Lee Ray has also written a scathing review
of Gore's book, but he doesn't want to get into the specifics
until the election is a little closer.

Rush goes back to the "hatred" label, which is used as a cliched,
catchall accusation against anyone who disagrees with the left's
pet projects. For example, Rush is accused of being hateful
because he opposes multiculturalism which does not teach kids
what they need to know in order to succeed in America. In fact,
multiculturalism teaches kids to hate America.

Phone   Patricia from Chicago, IL

Patricia is really angry because her local congressman sent her a
report on Congress that detailed how the group of 45 congressmen
named the "porkbusters" are cutting waste. They came up with a
plan to cut 640 projects totalling $1.5 billion, while Bush sent
his own list of 224 projects totalling $8 billion. The
"porkbusters" rejected Bush's list in favor of their own, which
shows that Congress isn't cutting the budget, and is in fact
doing everything they can to deny Bush any sort of legislative
victory whatsoever.

Rush agrees, and points out that some Democrats have even stated
that their intent this year is to pass legislation which they
know Bush will veto so just they can have some political
footballs that they can use against Bush in November. What
they'll probably do now is take Bush's list of projects and tell
their constituents how great Congress is because they kept
"cold-hearted" Bush from gutting local pork-barrel projects.

*BREAK*

Phone   Mimi from Inman, SC

Mimi wants Rush to watch out for the wiles of scheming females,
and in particular she warns him against going on the Designing
Women TV show since they're just going to emasculate him and make
him "that plumber with his britches hanging down." She adds
"they've already thrown you the bait, and are now reeling you
in."

Rush reassures Mimi that he and EIB know full well what Linda
Bloodworth Thomason is doing; not one of the journalists who have
been told about Rush's appearance on the show have called him for
confirmation. Rush has had two phone calls with Thomason about
this, and already told her that he isn't available for shooting
after August 6. It's clear that Thomason is using Rush's name to
promote her show, and should Rush not appear on the show, she'll
claim he "chickened out."

Thomason has been busy with the Democratic convention and
Clinton's campaign, and was in New York a couple of weeks ago.
Thomason could have made a quick phone call then but she didn't.
Rush therefore hasn't made up his mind, and the way things look
now, even if Rush wanted to do the show, there isn't any time
left to really do it. Thus, this is a non-event except in the
sense that it's interesting how the show's producers are using
Rush for publicity.

Phone   Darrell from Beeville, TX

Darrell just recently discovered Rush, but his wife thinks Rush
is just another "intellectual radio talk show host." Darrell has
tried to convince her that Rush's show is also entertaining, and
he would like Rush to replay the remarks Bush made about him
yesterday.

Rush agrees and explains that President Bush yesterday called a
morning show at station WOOD in Grand Rapids; Bush, in fact,
called from Air Force One which may be a first for radio talk
shows. Bush was asked about Rush Limbaugh, and he replied as
follows:

<<"Hail to the Chief" starts playing>>

"Well, Rush is a very sound man, and he's got good, strong
conservative principles, and of course I have a lot of respect
for him. And, uh, we all learn from him. Even those who disagree
with him out there listen to him because they like his wisdom,
and that they know he is a man of integrity and honor."

Rush adds that Darrell's wife is exactly one of those people the
President spoke of - she might not agree with Rush, but she still
can learn from his show.

*BREAK*

Rush gives his new rules for "Liberal Football," which will avoid
the unfairness and inequality epitomized by the US Dream Team:

o       All players will be considered eligible to join teams
without regard to race, religion, and national origin; however,
preference will be given to those players whose races are found
to be under-represented in the leagues.

o       Factors such as height and weight cannot be considered
during the selection process, and a player's speed can be used
only after the speeds of all players have been averaged; any
player who exceeds the average will be eligible for play. A
player's position will have no impact on this selection process;
thus an "offensive end" does not have to be any faster than a
"defensive guard."

o       Any player who has performed adequately in their position
for three years of league play shall be considered for the
quarterback position, without regard to height, weight, or age.

o       All management personnel shall not encourage players to
exert any effort beyond that exerted by an average employee
during the course of normal employment. Coaches cannot urge
players to perform at any standards beyond those attained by
average players. Above all, coaches cannot urge their teams to
win since winning requires that the other team lose, which would
destroy those players' self-esteem.

o       League officials shall not impose any penalties on any
player until said player is given a chance for a full and open
hearing. The accused player can present a reasonable defense,
such as insanity or operating under the influence of drugs or
alcohol.

o       The words of fight songs and cheers must be carefully
chosen so as not to offend the opposing team. Expressions such as
"fight on" and "victory" cannot be tolerated.

o       Statistics such as winning and losing, or yards gained
passing or rushing, shall not be considered in evaluating the
performance of a team or individual player. The appearance of
teams and players on the field at the opening gun qualifies them
for the Superbowl or an appropriate college bowl game.

o       Above all it should be remembered that football is only a
game, and everyone should be allowed to participate provided that
they can meet the applicable minimum standards. The game must not
become a showplace for individual accomplishment or team
excellence as this is not the American way.

o       Finally, if a team violates the rules of average
qualifications and scores more than 10 points more than their
opponent, each succeeding point scored will be worth only a
half-point. This scoring method will continue until the scores
are again equal.

-- 
John Switzer               | "Gammera is really neat,
                           | Gammera's full of turtle meat, 
74076.1250@Compuserve.com  | We all love you, Gammera."
jrs@netcom.com             | ---MST 3000
Xref: sparky alt.fan.rush-limbaugh:3785 alt.rush-limbaugh:3034