From: andy@pangea.Stanford.EDU (Andy Michael USGS Guest)
Subject: Re: Wedding etiquette
Organization: Stanford Univ. Earth Sciences
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 22:28:26 GMT


In article <l9q7jhINNjp9@news.bbn.com> ahsiung@labs-n.bbn.com (Anita Hsiung) writes:
>Hello all!
>I'm not very well-versed on Western weddings (the only ones I've
>attended were Westernized versions of Chinese weddings) and I've been
>asked to be a bridesmaid .  I need to know what is expected of me.  I
>know that I have to buy dress/hat/gloves/shoes and whatnot, but do I
>also have to give a gift to the bride?  I will, anyway, but I don't
>understand the reasoning behind this.

I'm also going to touch on a few of the other replies without quoting them.

Reasoning?  You want reasoning?  It's just custom.  However, as someone
else pointed out (Ellon I think) the bride should give you a small gift
as a token of her appreciation.  If you want some laughs read the last
month or so of the comic strip Cathy.  Cathy's friend is getting
married and she intends to invite every person who she was a bridesmaid
for even if they haven't spoken in years so she can get presents back
from all of them.

Which brings us to Christine Drake's experience:
Yeah, you got taken by a cold bitch.  But you have the last laugh since
they are divorced.  Its not the first friendship I've seen ended by a
wedding.  Somehow we made it through ours still friends with everyone
although later one of theirs terminated our friendship.

>And, on the question of presents, just a personal bias, I don't like
>this custom of registering (too impersonal, too materialistic, etc.)
>But, personal biases aside, is artwork appreciated as a gift?  (That
>is what I'm going to get them, but I just wanted opinions...  ;^) )

We recently gave a second-hand large inflatable King Kong to one of
my wifes uncles for a wedding present.  Not something I would give to
everyone (perhaps not even to anyone else) but they loved it.  So it
really depends on the couple.

I know Ellon disagreed but I like artwork as presents but you should
consider their tastes carefully.  Just check out what they have on the
walls already.  I don't mind registers but don't feel compulsed to buy
from them.  They especially help me with younger relatives whose taste
I don't know so well.  As for money, yeah it helped at the time but the
presents that were really personal (even each of the 20 odd wine
glasses) are the ones that make me remember the people.  There's one
friend we never see anymore but we do think of him every time we serve
tea to guests or use the teapot ourselves.  One easy gift that we won't
forget was a gift certificate to our favorite restaurant.  The giver
even asked which one it should be for.  An elderly friend of my wife's
family just gave us some money and told us to do something special with
it and let her know what it was.  Since my wife has fond memories of
picnics with her we bought a truly luxurious pcinic basket which now
reminds us of her.  I don't mind having done the work for her as she
is very old and that way she gave us more than just money.

But one of the truly great presents was from an aunt and uncle who
simply said, "We can't afford much so the fact that we are here is your
present."  They also did give us a very small keepsake box, but I'm
glad they made the trip to be with us rather than staying home and
spending the money on a present. (This is sort of meant as a comment
on another response where the person couldn't afford the cost of being
a bridesmaid.  Sometimes you need to be honest, especially with family.
It can be hard, but if they can't take honesty and support you they
aren't worth much as relatives.  And some people aren't worth much
as relatives so I spend my time on the rest of them.)

In the end I think that is the most important part of the wedding.
Gathering all of your friends and family together to share something
with you and giving them an excuse to see each other too.  Chill out
on the rest and have a good party.

Well, so much for my perspective from seven years down the road.
(Yeah, yeah my wife has an itch, but its between her shoulder blades
and I can scratch it. :-) )

Andy
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