HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rigler@galileo.ifa.hawaii.edu (Max Schnell)
Subject: Re: short drug-free confession
Organization: IFA
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 07:23:15 GMT

cpl1@midway.uchicago.edu writes:
>
>closest i've come to partaking of illegal substances
>was once when i walked through a room where someone else
>was smoking marijuana.
>
>i had a migraine for the next 24 hours.
>
>M.
>cured *that* real quick

Well now.  I don't want to corrupt you, M.  But I would just
like to take the opportunity to provide an alternate viewpoint
for all the impressionable kiddies out there who may have been
influenced by your message:

                       * HEY KIDS *

Despite what Dan Quayle and Tipper Gore want you believe, migraines 
are actually caused by a complex biochemical reaction triggered by 
the presence in the bloodstream of a class of chemicals related 
to tiramines.  Thus, one obvious way to get a migraine is to ingest 
foods rich in tiramines.  Two other common causes are stress, and 
strangely enough, getting too much sleep.  The legality of a subs-
tance on the other hand, is *not* correlated with its migraine 
triggering potential.  The important point here is that medical 
science holds the potential to unlock the key to migraine causes 
and cures.  

In my case, for example, the merest nibble of cheese -- chock full 
of tiramines -- will surely produce a migraine.  Accordingly, I cut 
cheese out of my diet entirely.  Yes, I know cheese is food of the 
gods, but, as any woman who has given birth AND had a migraine can 
tell you, the migraine is the worse experience.  And at least with 
childbirth, one is rewarded afterwards with a child, whereas with
a migraine, my only reward is a fleeting reminder of the taste of 
cheese.

Coincidentally, the trauma of saying goodbye to cheese drove me to
begin taking copious quantities of various illegal substances.  The
only migraines I've had since I stopped eating cheese, occured when
I was too drunk or tripped or stoned to remember to not eat cheese.

...I feel like I had a point to make here, but I've confused myself.
Never mind.  Eat all the cheese you want.  I'm not your mother.

"A mind is a terrible thing.  Too wasted."  -- Cheech Marin

--
Rigler                                 EQUAL RIGHTS FOR TRILOBITES!!!
From: rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: YES! Now you too can get in on the act.
Date: 31 Aug 92 17:30:54 GMT
Organization: Elkhorn Yacht Club, Moss Landing CA

Yes! You can help make rpwhite's life more "interesting" just fill in
the blanks below, print it out and mail it to:

		 Naval Investigative Service
		 Washington, D.C.     20370

< field>=optional field

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear sirs,

   I just wanted to let you know that <on (or about) ________ Date in
YYMMDD format> I saw (or heard or read or a little finch told me) that
LT R. P. White, assigned to Code 61 at the Naval Postgraduate School in
Monterey CA, committed one or more of the following offenses (or
performed one or more of the following actions):

<creative list of alleged ofenses>

Hugs,
Anonymous
------------------------------------------------------------------------

rp -- they also have a 1-800 hotline number for this sort of thing but I
      don't know what it is.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: benth@microsoft.com (Ben)
Subject: An Index of Metals
Date: 24 Aug 92 22:12:00 GMT
Organization: Microsoft Corp.

A friend of mine took his copy of Fripp and Eno's 'Evening
Star', and played side two, 'An Index of Metals' with an output
attached to an oscilliscope.

Instead of the jagged lines usually produced by music or random
sound, the image on the oscilliscope screen was a perfect oval,
that rotated slowly back and forth as the music played.

BENth
From: newton@iagu.itd.adelaide.edu.au (Mark Newton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: figure it out for yourself, college boys
Date: 28 Aug 92 12:44:48 GMT
Organization: Rare.

In article <1992Aug27.084608.27186@alembic.acs.com> gypsy@alembic.acs.com (hippolyte) writes:
>by the hour of the night i log on here, i am
>usually too tired and pissed off to want to
>deal with a bunch of sexist bullshit from the
>kind of whimpering pansies who piss in their 
>pants at the very notion that a woman might
>have anything worthwhile to say.

My dear lady:  You, in particular, don't have anything worthwhile to say.
Note, of course, that I'm not making any generic comments about women
here;  I'm quite clearly and specifically saying that _you_ are a total
and complete waste of bandwidth, oxygen and DNA.

>yes, i'm a feminist.  why do you fucking ask?

I didn't need to ask.  Everyone knows that feminists are just otherwise
decent women with attitude, and you certainly have attitude.  Your feminism
sticks out a mile.

Tell me:  Do you have trouble getting along with people in real life?
Do you have trouble relating to men?  Have you had a decent fuck lately?

May you die with dignity [tm - The Henry]

   - mark
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------
         'Do not expose your LaserWriter to naked flame...'
newton@iagu.itd.adelaide.edu.au         - Apple LaserWriter Manual
------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: act@csc.canberra.edu.au (Cyclops)
Subject: Re: figure it out for yourself, college boys
Organization: University of Canberra, Camaroon
Date: Wed, 2 Sep 92 22:09:18 GMT

jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods) writes:


'                                  '

Hey John Fornicating Woods sit on this:


Now strain hard with your brain cell and picture the rough end of a
'Queens'land pineapple!

act@csc.canberra.edu.au       Eye t'ought Eye taw a putty tat.
Look Once...         .-)      
   Look TwEyece..    .-) .-)       
      Half See...    .-)
From: thoth@uiuc.edu (Ben Cox)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Goto's Japanese School
Date: 3 Sep 92 18:36:10 GMT
Reply-To: thoth@uiuc.edu (Ben Cox)
Organization: Ancient Illuminated Sears of Bavaria
Originator: btc30679@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu

kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov ( Scott Dorsey) writes:

>I rather suspect that Donald Knuth would be offended by this comparison.
>--scott
>   (who is explicitly avoiding sending him this message)

I secretly suspect that he reads this froup anyway.

--
Ben Cox
thoth@uiuc.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Re: THE DAN QUAYLE DICTIONARY
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 13:49:19 GMT

Abner sez:

>JOHN HEIM writes:
>>You realize that, if Dan Quayle ever gets to be president, tradition 
>>holds that somebody, somewhere build a library and name it after him.
>
>>"The Dan Quayle Memorial Library"
>
>No, no, no.  "The Dan Quayle Memoreal Librarie"

HAW HAW HAW
I GET IT!@#

DAN QUAYLE CANT SPELL!!@!@@

I GET IT !!@!@@!

HAW HAW JUST LIKE POTATOE!@!# HAW! I GET IT.


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gypsy@alembic.acs.com (hippolyte)
Subject: Re: Safe, legal rape
Keywords: sarcasm
Organization: the church of the latter-day polish amazons
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 05:47:53 GMT

In article <BtyI0J.LsB@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> ata@sage.cc.purdue.edu (ata boy) writes:
>It is time for men to stand up and fight for their basic right to
>chose to rape.

i am unable to think of an adjective vile enough
to describe you, nor am i able to imagine an item
large enough or sharp enough to use to shove the
aforementioned nonexistent adjective up your ass.
despite the fact that your post was so obviously
intended solely to piss off women, thereby betraying
that you, too, are victim to that paralysing terror
of intelligent, capable women that seems to be
sweeping talk.bizarre in such epidemic proportions
these days, i am unable to rouse in myself even
the slightest pity for you, much less any more
positive emotion, such as loathing or murderous
hatred.

as i recall, if nobody believes in fairies, they
die.  so i am putting you in my killfile now, and
i suspect that this latest turd you have deposited
upon talk.bizarre will inspire many others to do
the same.  i only wish i could be there to watch
you wither away to nothingness, to see the wisp of
smoke as that miniscule spark that served you for
the fire of creativity blinks out, and to empty my
bladder onto the ashes, just to make sure.

m
-- 
"...at night they lurk outside the tall barrier staring with curious
 wild eyes into the flat field, feeling cheated." -- Beryl Markham
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: richh@netcom.com (richh)
Subject: Why Rictus Hep is not a Christian
Date: Tue, 25 Aug 92 21:45:33 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 


"Teeth gnashing.  All that teeth gnashing.  I just don't like, all that
teeth gnashing and stuff."

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rdc@netcom.com (Rachel Dafni Christy)
Subject: BACTERIA AS PETS
Date: Wed, 02 Sep 92 00:55:54 GMT
Organization: 'Ex-Biology Grad Student, Student of Life.

IN SCI.BIO,REC.PETS,REC.GARDENS jack@dcs.glasgow.ac.uk (Jack Campin) writes:
)Prompted into posting this (which has been at the back of my mind for
)months) by two pieces in the latest New Scientist: one reporting on a
)newly discovered bacterium visible to the naked eye (it's 0.5mm across)
)and Kate Charlesworth's comic strip...
)
)Does anyone out there grow exotic bacteria at home?  

...for your amusement.




-- 
--
cj gypsy
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.fan.letterman
From: jtm@controls.ccd.harris.com (J T Moser)
Subject: Re: Letterman Qoutes
Originator: jtm@rs2
Organization: Harris Controls
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 17:48:17 GMT


In article <15276@umd5.umd.edu>, walrus@bessel.umd.edu (Grig Larson) writes:
|> 
|> What are some of the dumb things he has repeated?  One I remember went on
|> for weeks, and they even made a skit about it.
|> 
|> (Dumb voice) "Them bats is smart, they use radar..."
|>  
|> 
|> walrus@bessel.umd.edu                                cforrester@gizmonic.com
|> ============================================================================
|>        "We're not evil, just misunderstood in the name of science..."

I think this one was repeated while they did a weeks worth of shows in Hollywood:

   "Who loves you baby."

They were trying to find Telly Savalas the entire week and would show a picture
of him every now and then and say the above Telly Savalas line.

-- 
Jay T. Moser                               Email:  jtm@ccd.harris.com
Phone: (407)242-4195                       snail:  Harris Corporation
Fax  : (407)242-4262                               407 John Rodes Blvd.
                                                   Melbourne, FL 32905
From: dolan@XENON.BERKELEY.EDU (Kent Paul Dolan)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: This was not my lamest moment... (longish)
Date: 31 Aug 92 16:06:11 GMT

As long as we're telling Philippines stories, this one is at least
contemporary, though second hand. Let's just say corruption didn't end
with the exit of the Marcos presidency.

I was in Guam, working at the Joint Typhoon Warning Center installing
my latest creation in the way of tropical cyclone forecasting software,
when I heard Bob Beard, the Operations Officer there, being lots less
temperate than his usual norm.

He complained that there was no way he could forecast storm movement in
the vicinity of the Philippines with no meteorological information
anywhere in the vicinity.

[Aside: for reasons this math major does not pretend to understand, the
Philippines are a big fat target in the most popular path for Pacific
tropical cyclones, and get creamed on a regular basis.]

Naturally, being the world's best listener, I answered "tell me more",
he did.

Seems that as part of the stand-down of Clark(e?) Air Force Base and
Subic Bay Navy Base, the US Navy was planning to remove its Rawindsone
station [A Rawindsonde is a cheap, throw-away meteorological instrument
that is sent aloft on a balloon and radios back the temperature,
pressure, relative humidity, etc. A Rawindsonde station typically
launches one every six hours on a GMT schedule observed around the
world, and this is the major non-satellite source of upper air weather
data for much of the world.] at some time months in the future, with
plans to pass the task on smoothly, with training, to the Philippine
government.

Just to make sure no valuable meteorological instruments left the
island, the Philippine government sent its army to steal the satellite
receiving station hardware from the USN Rawindsonde station, which they
did.

The Navy commander in charge of the station immediately packed up the
remainder of his equipment and people and left the island on the next
outbound transport ship, leaving the Philippines without a Rawindsonce
station, and with no local upper air data input to the global forecast
model used to predict the path of tropical cyclones.

So, when the Phillipines gets creamed without warning, and thousands
die, don't, just this once, blame the forecasters.

Blame a country with the forms of a democratic government, but without
the educated voters to make it work. Or, "every country has the
government it most richly deserves", yet again.

Kent, the man from xanth.
--
<dolan@nrlmry.navy.mil> or <dolan@192.138.87.240>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov ( Scott Dorsey)
Subject: Re: This was not my lamest moment... (longish)
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 01:15:00 GMT

In article <64959@cup.portal.com> lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman) writes:
>	[ details of Filipino corruption and bureaucracy deleted]
>: What a wonderful thing democracy is.
>: --scott
>
>And even more wonderful the release of that Rocketing Nutso of a single
>"Feelings" by Auntie Imelda.

Oh, did I mention the Filipino drivers licenses?  They have a little pocket in
the back which is the exact size of a folded over bill of currency.  It's to
hold the money when the officer asks for your license.
--scott
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Re: WAR CHANT
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 12:50:01 GMT

> ata@sage.cc.purdue.edu (ata boy) bores us all to tears with:


>WE'RE FIERCE!  WE'RE FEMININE!  AND WE'RE IN YOUR FACE!
{remaining six times deleted}


HAW HAW@!@!@!@!@ I GET IT@!@!@!@ THOSE CRAZY FEMINISTS!@!@!@

HAW HAW DAN QUAYLE CANT SPEL!@!@@!@ LIKE POTATOE!@!@!@!@

>
>ata boy

Ata boy, you know, WAVEY-DAVEY's posts are 1000% funnier than yours.
Please vent your spleen elsewhere you worhtless sack of festering pus.
Im sure there must be people whos posts are more boring than yours, but
right off the top of my head I can't think which shit-sack that would be.
I bet george bush could post funnier, more bizarre stuff.

You are obviously an idiot faggot, with a dick crammed so far up your ass
it is addling your pathetic brain.

die.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mneeley@nyx.cs.du.edu (Mark Neeley)
Subject: Re: THE COMPLETE CHRISTIAN DICTIONARY
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 92 15:31:22 GMT

Quoth Carasso:
>
>
>damn		-> darn
>damnation	-> darnnation
>clamshell	-> clamsheck
>cockleshell	-> cocklesheck
>eggshell	-> eggsheck
>hell		-> heck	
>hellbender	-> heckbender	
>hellebore	-> heckebore	
>hellfire	-> heckfire	
>hellgrammite	-> heckgrammite	
>hellish		-> heckish	
>hello		-> hecko	
>Mitchell	-> Mitcheck	
>nutshell	-> nutsheck	
>Othello		-> Othecko	
>schelling	-> schecking	
>shell		-> sheck	
>Shelley		-> Sheckey	
>tortoiseshell	-> tortoisesheck	

You call this complete?  How 'bout these:

assinine        -> buttinine
assassin        -> buttbuttin
class           -> clarse
glass           -> glarse
grass           -> grarse
mishit          -> misdoodoo
nosh it         -> nosh oot
batter's hit    -> batter's out

	Mark (Who likes the sound of "windshield whipper.")

PS  You've got tab damage there Rachel.
From: rone@aludra.usc.edu (Ron Echeverri)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Hold The Anchovies
Date: 25 Aug 1992 14:35:41 -0700
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: aludra.usc.edu

In article <1992Aug25.164215.3618@kakwa.ucs.ualberta.ca> aaron@space.ualberta.ca writes:
>I mean, I could sweat I've seen it before.  Or been there.  Or something.

You shouldn't sweat unless you forgot your antiperspirant.

5150
<sniff> PHEW
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: middle@cse.uta.edu (William J Middleton)
Subject: Re: Hep: How it all started
Followup-To: hershey.hiway
Organization: Computer Science & Engineering, Univ. of Texas at Arlington
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 20:05:33 GMT

In article <act.372.0@csc.canberra.edu.au> act@csc.canberra.edu.au (Cyclops) writes:
>jon@zeus.med.utah.edu (Jonathan Byrd) writes:
>
>>"I stepped on a rusty nail."
>
>"Did Rusty complain?", asked Nail.
>

git back in that ^kage


bILL
good boy.

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: boutell@cshl.org (Tom Boutell)
Subject: Rictus Hep: Inventory
Organization: Cold Spring Harbor Labs
Date: Wed, 2 Sep 1992 14:11:36 GMT

"Beer - check... 
 beer - check... 
 beer - check..."

-- 
Tom Boutell, boutell@cshl.org

Clausthaler is the best non - alcoholic beer in the known universe.
From: cj@eno.wpd.sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: weekend: goats
Date: 31 Aug 92 21:25:35 GMT
Reply-To: cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Organization: SGI TechPubs

---
I've decided that if I ever have enough land, I'm gonna
get a goat.  I saw a whole lot of goats this weekend, and
they were great.

We went to the Calif. State Fair this weekend, you see.  We 
saw California agriculture splayed out before us.  We saw pigs 
(though we missed the pig races), cows, goats, geese with 
curly feathers, baby ducks, turkeys, Japanese quail, rabbits, 
bees, cotton plants, metal work by high school students, and 
a really disgusting midway.  Lance refused to win an enormous 
white teddy bear for me.  Horrible man.

But I digress.  Back to goats.  

The livestock barn was mostly cows and goats.  Cows are *not*
cute animals.  Have you ever taken a close look at the hind end
of a dairy cow?  At a fair, they're all tied up with their heads
over their feed bins, and their tails out to the aisles.  You
get lots of close-ups of the bony structure surrounding a cow's
ass.  Right at eye level.  Ulch.

Goats are much cuter.  They like being petted.  They groom
themselves.  They make pleasant noises.  They squat when they
shit & piss (unlike cows, who just let loose when they feel like
it).  They come in designer colors.  They produce milk & cheese
that your visitors will refuse to eat, thus leaving more for you.

Lance's brother has a goat.  It runs around his vineyard happily,
playing with Lance's brother's dog.  It even plays with Lance's 
nephews' kitten.  It eats tortilla chips from the hands of 
Lance's nephews.   It got into trouble for eating Lance's
brother's grapes, but doesn't gnarf on the garden.  It goes 
jogging with Lance's sister-in-law.

*That* is what I call a fun animal.

---
c j silverio
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Big Squeegee)
Subject: Fred's two feet
Organization: The International House of Secretions
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 20:13:30 GMT


I wish there was one of those loud air whistles that would blow to signal
quitting time at the plant where I work.  That way, I could run out of the
building, yelling "Yabba-dabba-doo!"


Mark "Screaming bird" Lippert
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: challenge for Carasso
Date: 1 Sep 92 09:49:22 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: Bugs-R-Us


In article <p9429lk@fido.asd.sgi.com> cj@sgi.com writes:

#  Hey, Carasso! You're not racist or anything, right? You just give Arabs
#  and Moslems a hard time because you're doing satire, right?


Well, as I joined in the satire on Iran perhaps I can give my own
answer, without purporting to speak for Roger or for anyone else.  You
are right in saying that one reason for writing satire about the Moslems
is that it is fun, but you forget that the fundamentalist Moslems are
worthy targets. 

I do not know what Israel's records in these matters are, but among
other things the fundamentalist Moslem states routinely mutilate small
girls (infibulation), cut off the hands and feet of petty criminals, put
homosexuals and adulterers to death in horribly cruel ways, slaughter
animals in revolting ritual styles, threaten the life of an author with
whose opinions they disagree, and accord no civil rights at all to
women. 

A civilisation which does this cannot in fairness complain if it finds
itself on the receiving end of pointed jokes from time to time. 

If you want satire directed against the Jews, why don't you write it
yourself? Don't worry, we'll laugh if it's funny. 

The suggestion that racism is involved is absurd.  Both Jews and Moslems
in the countries cited here belong to the Semitic race. 


-- 
//// Advice to dieters:         ////  Ken Johnson, A I Applications Institute
////   Never eat more than      ////       80 South Bridge, EDINBURGH EH1 1HN
////   you can carry.           ////                 E-mail ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
////              -- Miss Piggy ////     phone 031-650 2756  fax 031-650 6513
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: waldbyjf@NeXTwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu (The Sheik)
Subject: Re: this is sho kuwamoto, reporting from the heart of indiana
Organization: Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 04:08:26 GMT

Distribution: world

In article <1992Aug29.050335.29675@pasteur.Berkeley.EDU>  
curtis@berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin) writes:
> trn cut this header off to:
> 
> "this is sho kuwamoto, reporting from the heart of india."
>    [A heart-rending story of great intensity]
> of old Mrs. Christy, the mystic words of Rose-Hulman.
> Shekhinah!

And you know me owe so well, for I must correct you on your spelling of  
Shechinah, also can be spelled Shekinah. But you will reply that Shekhinah  
is the proper spelling for that was the way Traffic used to spell it, and  
good have it your way I don't really give a shit, two shits for that  
matter. Just don't use that label, Mister Berkeley University. I'll bet  
they're all like you, Mr BU, can I call you that. Every single damn one of  
them at Berkeley, little Berkeley's running around.

But I tell you something, you are the same as I, for you are America, as  
am I. In fact, you are the same as every one you know, for you are also  
known by the name the World. And some of your other names? Universe, Milky  
Way. Yes we are one and the same

But I have already talked much more than I intended to this evening, don't  
want to rise above Mr. Stinky Alabama Grass Stain Oh do edit that out  
please edit the whole damn thing
--
It's on fire On fire
An' we ain't got no water We aint we aint got no water
And i didnt write this, i swear i gave it to the censors to edit and it  
slipped past oh horror of horrors
From: dolan@XENON.BERKELEY.EDU (Kent Paul Dolan)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: tax dollar paychecks
Date: 2 Sep 92 15:46:38 GMT

Hm.  Jim Small gets one, Rich White gets one, folks get upset.

I get two, and my employer gets a little more than my salary again,
for employing me to the Navy, all from tax dollars.

You _really_ want to get upset, consider paying me to defend tropical
cyclones from the big nasty world.

Thank[tm] you very much for your contribution.

After Andrew and Omar, I think a raise is in order. They both hit spot
on where they were forecast to wreak havoc. At the least, a little
performance bonus, like in the big leagues. $30G-$50G in damages is
pretty big league in my book.

Kent, the man from xanth.
--
<dolan@nrlmry.navy.mil> or <dolan@192.138.87.240>
"Making the world safe for tropical cyclones."
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre