HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: kk@nic.funet.fi (Kimmo Koistinen)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Back after 11 months
Date: 15 Nov 92 18:01:04 GMT
	<BxqtIH.3s1@unccsun.uncc.edu>
Organization: Finnish University and ResearcH Network, FUNET


> hmm... that wasnt my experience.  however, i did go to two different shrinks.
> i liked one, the other i didnt.  i continues with the one i did and that was
> probably why it was helpful.  granted, when i first started going there, i
> resented her for my having to be there (lovely to be forced into therapy,
> eh?), but she was cool about it.  pretty much, she was cool about everything
> and didnt get into the superior attitude or the all-analyzing approach which
> you mentioned.  more, it was the concerned friend type of approach she used.
> mayhaps if youd had a therapist who used that kind of approach, things would
> have gone better.

  Hmm. When I started it all, I had a nice shrink. However, it didn't last too
long and I was sent to another one who could give medication, which I needed
indeed. After that I went to psychologist and psychiarist, and psychiarist 
nearly laughed to everything I said. Psychologist was cold and VERY analyzing
and I didn't notice any emotions from her face. 

  Then I had one who slammed everything right to my face, which did hurt. 

  Now I am back to the second psychologist, and who knows how long I will be
in therapy. However, mostly everything good happened just by thinking quite
deeply, and I made progress mostly by my own strenght. 

>       $ In case you just feel like catching a nice buzz, theyre fun, too.

  Yes! I am nearly 24 H high, but can still think and made some things, so 
they don't quite leave me as a drooling vegetable... <G>. 

> course the down side being, they leave you out of it for quite some time.
> sometimes i didnt know which was worse:  the long periods of lethargy from the
> prescription drugs or staying wired on the hallucinogens...
> ahh... better living through chemistry.

  Hmm. May I ask did you have high dosages and what kind of pills did you eat?
Just curious.

 - I don't believe in god... and god doesn't believe in me.

                                       - Me
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 21:49:34 EST
From: <SAB121@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Lithium?

In article <1992Nov23.044744.16868@leland.Stanford.EDU>,
underdog@leland.Stanford.EDU (Dwight Joe) says:
>
>Does anyone know anything about lithium?
>

Nasty stuff, it's used to "cure" depression, usually by leaving the person in
such a drugged out state that they feel no pain, no agony, no hate, no emotion,
and therefore no longer wish to kill themselves or others (After all, it IS
a crime of passion).  It has helped some people, some that I know and love,
but sometimes, as I look around my life, and the lives of those around me,
I wonder if it is really worth it.  It's not a cure, it's an unnatural way
of dealing with the stress and agony of life.

God, I could use some now.

>I recall reading that it cures both depression and restlessness.
>I might be wrong because the article which I read was published
>in Scientific America more than 10 years ago.  You know how memory is ...
>(exponential decay!)

I wish.

>
>------------------------------------------------------------------+-----------
>-
>Jinsei no imi wa nan desu ka.                Sister, can you      |   \|  |`
>Shitte itara oshiete kuremasen ka.           spare a coin?        |    | -+-
>                                                                  |   /| / \
>Copyright 1992.  Disclaimer:  1 + 1 = 3                           |
>------------------------------------------------------------------+-----------
>-
 ______________________________________________________________________
| Salvatore A. Buttice              |  BITNet: SAB121@PSUVM            |
| 1511 State Street    _____________|__InterNET: sab121@psuvm.psu.edu__|
| Erie, PA 16501      |  My opinions are my own.  They are subject to  |
|_____________________|   change at short notice.  PSU had nothing to  |
|_APPLE_II_FOREVER!!!_|___do_with_my_opinions,_I_formed_them_long_ago._|
|________________<This_space_intentionally_left_blank>_________________|
Organization: University of Illinois at Chicago
Date: Monday, 16 Nov 1992 00:21:16 CST
From: MJ <U45301@uicvm.uic.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Practice Randon Kindness

Hi a.s.h.  I heard about Dave Conibear from old ashers and
wanted to express my condolences.

I see that not much has changed here lately otherwise.  I was
unexpectedly surprised to see Megazone reposting one of my
old posts from last Christmas about practicing random kindness.

I thought of it today in particular and decided to temporarily log in
to a.s.h. because guess what:

I saw a bumper sticker here in Chicago that said "Practice Random
Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty" and I thought of this group
and how well this post was received last year-not!  I thought, "Oh, the
a.s.h. bunch would really like to hear this one."

This holiday season I will be posting something that perhaps might
be more practical on this group:  exerpts from a book I have here
on "The Unmerry Christmas Emotion."  Will put it up in a few
weeks when I get a chance as my random act of kindness for the
holiday season.

Nice to see you all again and see all is well.  Lots of new faces
and very few old ones though.  Guess that is how it goes on a.s.h.

Mary Jacobs

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
| M. Jacobs            |   This is MY view   | Discontent is the first  |
| U45301@UICVM         |    not the view     | necessity of progress.   |
| U45301@uicvm.uic.edu |     of the "U"      | --  John Steinbeck       |
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Who Made It Illegal (Re: Suicide)
From: mjc+@cs.cmu.edu (Monica Cellio)
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 16:47:59 GMT
Organization: School of Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon

rakowski@rintintin.Colorado.EDU (Continuity-Lad) writes:
>I forgot to copy the article I wanted to this one, but screwit..
>Anyways, in the (I think) last article, mjc+@cs.cmu.edu (Monica Cellio)
>Said that it was illegal to assist in suicides.. Then the "infamous"
>Dr. Jack Kavorkian (sp?) comes to mind.. 

You're right; I made a mistake.  Assisted suicide is apparently not currently
illegal in Michigan (I think this is the only state where this is true right
now).  Kevorkian researched the laws before doing his first assist.  (He's
done five now, by the way.)  The law is ambiguous, though; that's how they've
been able to try him for murder.  (In other words, the absence of a law 
against assisted suicide doesn't mean it's legal; they can interpret it at 
murder instead.  I think this is bogus, of course.)  So I wouldn't advise
opening suicide clinics in Michigan just yet. :-)

According to the latest Hemlock Quarterly, Michigan has made something like
a dozen attempts to criminalize assisted suicide since this all started.
So far, all of the bills have died in committee.  Recently, they decided to
appoint a commitee to study the issue; the commitee consists of legal
types, folks from some medical society (I don't think it's the AMA, but
something similarly respectable), folks from Hemlock, and I'm not sure
who else.  I'm surprised that they actually included people known to be
opposed to such a law.  I'll be interested in seeing what comes of this,
though I'm a bit pessimistic.

By the way, Kevorkian may have run into more trouble than he would have
otherwise because his first client, Janet Adkins, was not terminally ill
by the usual definition.  She had Alzheimer's.  That may have set some
people off; maybe they're just more sympathetic if you're in the advanced
stages of cancer or AIDS or something.

Assisted suicide ballot initiatives have failed by small margins in 
Washington and California now.  I wonder if the religious right is just
effective, or if most people really are opposed.

Monica
From: phd99@seq1.keele.ac.uk (Asmodeus)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: *thunk*thunk*thunk*
Date: 20 Nov 92 17:00:19 GMT
Organization: Keele University, England

In article <1992Nov18.221314.15885@udel.edu> awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu
(angela watson) writes:

>
> I hope I make it to my 21th birthday...  (I think)
>

I hope you do.  E-mail me your address (University one if you prefer it
to your home one) and I'll send you a birthday card all the way from
England.  It'll be better than anything I got for my 21st. 

Ralph.

--
      .
              [Believed to be the smallest .sig in the world]
From: lginzb@ccat.sas.upenn.edu (Lionel Ginzburg)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Budd's TV suicide
Summary: Budd go boom.
Date: 21 Nov 92 00:48:50 GMT
Organization: The R. Budd Dwyer died for our sins society

In article <9232608.5333@mulga.cs.mu.OZ.AU> wadley@mullauna.cs.mu.OZ.AU (Gregory Robert Wadley) writes:
>
>I'm trying to find the original news stories about the US politician
>who shot himself on TV a few years ago. He had been found guilty of some
>sort of corruption. He made a speech at a news conference, then pulled out
>a pistol and put it in his mouth, and pulled the trigger. Many papers round
>the world carried the picture of the gun in his mouth (and I'm trying to get
>hold of this picture), and there was great controversy over whether TV should
>broadcast the death. Some stations, including cable, did. His first name was
>Budd, and I think it happenned in 1987.
>
>Can anyone tell me the exact date, or any other details?

R. Budd Dwyer, the state treasurer of PA. committed suicide with a .44
magnum pistol as he was announcing his resignation following his
convition on bribery charges.  This was in ... 1985, because I was in
8th grade.  The only station that ran the whole thing live was WPVI-TV
in Philadelphia.  I can post a transcript if anyone is that perverse. 
(I have audiotape, but not videotape.)  I was home from school that day.
 I sometimes seriously wonder what sort ofa a person I'd be if I hadn't
been warped in that manner.


-- 
Lionel Artom-Ginzburg
EMail to: Lionel@BWH.Harvard.edu
or, just autoreply.
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: life is death is life (a poem)
From: emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp)
Date: 16 Nov 92 17:42:32 -0600

In article <BxoMu1.610@mentor.cc.purdue.edu>  writes:
>In article <1992Nov12.224904.2278@gacvx2.gac.edu> emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp) writes:
>>In article <1992Nov12.083029.12917@organpipe.uug.arizona.edu>  writes:
>>>life is death
>>>a cold existence
>>>slave to this world
>>>surrounded by banality
>>>smothered by the uncaring
>>>the hopeless and frustrating
>>>not sinful for suffering to end
>>>all is forgiven in the eyes of god
>>>spreading wings to the infinite
>>>the weight upon me is lifted
>>>this mortal physical body
>>>returning to the earth
>>>the sky embraces my
>>>unleashed spirit
>>>death is life
>>
>>golly, where's the point?
  ^^^^^

>
>It is like real life(tm), there isn't one.     

Acgh. I was being playful.. It t'was a pun.
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: R.Dodgin@bradford.ac.uk (R DODGIN)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: stats
Date: 20 Nov 92 13:42:31 GMT
Organization: University of Bradford, UK
Originator: 91760652@ccw306


Her are some stats relating to suicide that I found in a magazine
earlier this week :

      In Great Britain -
      
          Someone attempts suicide every 5 mins.
      
          80% of attempts by under 25yr olds are by women

          80% of successful suicides by under 25yr olds are
           by men (as they use more violent methods)




KHARE 

   xxxxxxx





-- 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
||  Rich "KHARE" Dodgin      | Too many unknowns in your life ???    ||
||  R.Dodgin@uk.ac.bradford  | Too many onions in mine.              ||
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Suicide
From: emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp)
Date: 17 Nov 92 21:22:42 -0600

In article <1992Nov17.180253.4307@ucsu.Colorado.EDU>  writes:
>Has anyone out there ever wondered why Suicide is illegal?
>...
>Seriously though.. Who was the genius who decided to make suicide illegal?

The state. If it were legal.. more people would do it. That's a loss for
the government. (And, supposedly, for society at large. Maybe not, who knows.)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: dsteinbe@nmsu.edu (David Steinberg)
Subject: My Friend, My friend (She's got a knife?)
Organization: NMSU Computer Science
Distribution: alt
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 01:52:02 GMT

I haven't been posting much here lately because I have been happy.  I
have a friend here, and although we are not going out, we have been
fooling around a bit, which is a nice thing.  HOWEVER, I just found
out today that she will not be coming back next semester.  (She just
found out last night.)  Great, I finally find another hip Las
Crucesian, and I'll be singing "Gone gone gone you've been gone so
long/ You've been gone gone gone so long." (Anyone else remember that
great Chilliwac song?  Anyone else remember Chilliwac?)  So I'll be
back to where I was a few months ago where I don't talk to another
human being between Friday and Monday.  By the time Monday rolls
around, I'm way too depressed to do anything.  Oh well, I still have a
few more months to worry about this, and in less than a week I'll be
in Port Chester, so have fun everybody...
-David "ZZYZX" Steinberg- King of the ellipses
       (dsteinbe@emmy.nmsu.edu)
**********************************************************************
*"There's a dog in the station  *"I can't believe I'm a junior and a *
* With a bad reputation         * film major, when all I really      *
* That's a sign of the nation's * wanted in this life was to marry a *
* Decay"                        * lobsterman and cook fish."         *
* -Phish                        * -a letter from Christie Searing    *
**********************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: allan@slab.unt.edu (Mark Allan)
Subject: Re: Practice Random Kindness
Organization: School of Library & Info Sci, UNT
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 14:42:38 GMT

>
>>uhm... if i might point out.... anything planned is not in any way, shape or
>>form random...  tho it may or may not be interesting...
>
>Well, you're right!  Forget the random part then.  I hope it is
>interesting to some.  I am sure I'll find out about that though!  :-))
	Just to quibble, since I'm posting anyway (see below), I think it 
depends on whose perspective your coming from whether its random or not.  
If your the person its happening to, it certainly appears random, if its 
unexpected (e.g. from a stranger, etc.)  So this could be considered a 
random act of kindness.  However, now that we know about it.... Oh, well, 
it was a random act at the time you originally posted the announcement.

Yes, I always got that feeling when I posted here.  I imagined a big>
lurker circle in the sky of who knows whom reading all the posts.>The 
concept of the lurker is very interesting to me.  Voyeuristic?>Shy?  Who 
knows.  Perhaps as many reasons as there are lurkers.
	Definately.  Don't 
know whether I'd be considered a lurker or not, but oftentimes I just have 
nothing to say.  I come for the "atmosphere": to add to the miasma that so 
often hangs around me.  I imagine many others do to, and just to partake of 
the atmosphere in quiet.    -   Mark

Allan@slab.unt.edu
From: linh@wkuvx1.bitnet
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: purpose...
Date: 23 Nov 92 15:00:44 CST
Organization: Western Kentucky University, Bowling Green, KY




   Can anyone tell me the purpose of this newsgorup?


   Thanks..


   Shawn

Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: alto@pegasus.com (Andrea Ostensoe)
Subject: Evil Babies? Evil Kittens?
Keywords: life sucks
Organization: Pegasus,  Honolulu
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 92 19:51:43 GMT


Interesting subjects threading through the threads..lately..too long to
answer..each one..but I think children are evil little leaches;->..even
in the womb..the creepy things take all the mother's nourishment..little
Killi..nearly drove me crazy..wouldn't let me sleep on my back..etc.

And kittens..I have seen wild kittens hiss as soon as they were born..
during my cat mid-wife days..but I agree with Megazone (i think it was him)
that's not evil..it's survival instinct..and that's really the term to use
with the selfish little snotty kids I see..that is until they get older and
they've been pandered to until they are impossible to be around..then they
seem  a bit ..well..not evil..killable?;->..yes..send the little tykes to
the palace..they'll be very very good boys and girls when they get home.


-- 
**************************************************************************
"I don't ask for much..just your heart on a silver platter;-)"
						-Kali
**************************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: EUCLID@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu
Subject: # 54
Organization: C.C.S.O.
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 18:59:35 GMT

Assaulted by the sundry beads
And colors strung together,
I turn away to clear my mind,
But no respite i've yet to find:
I'm still bound by the tether.
 
Now, how all this has come to be
I cannot help but wonder.
Between the Here and Nevermore
I'm poised to leap and break the cord.
Shall i be torn asunder?
 
                  e.k. 11/92
 
Euclid@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu
standard disclaimers apply
"What!?!  Whaddaya mean, 'no mustard'??!??"
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: rmn9458@rigel.tamu.edu (NAZAR, REBECCA MARIE)
Subject: reasons......
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Texas A&M University, Academic Computing Services
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 23:16:00 GMT

i suppose some of you wont want to hear this, but im going to post it anyway.
some say suicide is stupid or the cowards way out, but in reality it is a 
privilege and luxury to some. let me explain...
my whole life i have taken care of peolple, that is how i am; i am drawn to 
suicidal people or they are drawn to me and i feel obligated to take on their 
problems as my own (dont worry im not here to talk anyone out of anything)
anyway, i have a lot of people now who have been given up on by everyone but me
if i take my life they will have no reason not to follow. the response i expect
from this is "dont take responsibility for them; let them live their own lives"
i only help them get back on their feet; i leave them once they are better so 
they arent dependent on anyone (or at least me) but i always find someone new 
to take under my wing. i cant just abandon them or their deaths would no longer 
be suicide but murder to me for not helping when i knew i could
two are manic depressives who cant afford proffesional help
it is hard to talk people out of suicide when i want to die; you say "then dont
"
if i firmly believe they dont want to die i help
if i feel that preventing them will only put them in more pain i stand out of
the way, painful as that may be
i have wanted to die for about five years now, but i cant or that would make 
me a murderer of many
so you see, suicide isnt an option for all of us
feel lucky you can consider it
i am doomed to a life of living for others
if everyone i know became instantaneously happy or dead i would immediately
kill myself before i met someone new that needed me
i doubt that will happen soon so i will continue reading ash and hoping and 
praying for a bus to hit me as i leave the building.

mariem

Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: rpowers@panix.com (Richard Powers)
Subject: Re: Suicide
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 20:45:09 GMT
Organization: PANIX Public Access Unix, NYC

In <1992Nov17.212243.2384@gacvx2.gac.edu> emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp) writes:

>In article <1992Nov17.180253.4307@ucsu.Colorado.EDU>  writes:
>>Has anyone out there ever wondered why Suicide is illegal?
>>...
>>Seriously though.. Who was the genius who decided to make suicide illegal?

>The state. If it were legal.. more people would do it. That's a loss for
>the government. (And, supposedly, for society at large. Maybe not, who knows.)

Do you really think people decide not to "commit" suicide just because
they believe its illegal?  (I'm not sure that it is illegal).  I don't
believe this AT ALL.  

"I want to die, but- Gee!  I wouldn't want to break any laws!"

Yeah, right.




-- 
Richard Powers  | Amiga 2000 w/28Mhz 68030 & AmigaDos 2.1 |  rpowers@panix.com
(NON-standard disclaimer: My keyboard is messed up.  Any missing
characters are NOT MY FAULT!)    Hail Eris!  All Hail Discordia!
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Lithium?
From: emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp)
Date: 23 Nov 92 20:01:15 -0600

In article <1992Nov23.044744.16868@leland.Stanford.EDU>  writes:
>Does anyone know anything about lithium?
>
>I recall reading that it cures both depression and restlessness.
>I might be wrong because the article which I read was published
>in Scientific America more than 10 years ago.  You know how memory is ...
>(exponential decay!)

All I know is that Lithium is prescribed for manic depressive people.
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: rpowers@panix.com (Richard Powers)
Subject: same old shit
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 04:18:59 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: PANIX Public Access Unix, NYC

Hmmmnnh.  Why am I back here?  Partly because I have nothing else to do.  I
have no life.  Uggghhh!

There are two people in my life I would term my "best friends".  One of
them I just got off the phone with.  A rare occurance nowadays.  I,
of course, called her.  She doesn't call me anymore.  Seems like
whenever we do talk, if I make a suggestion to do something together, she
always has some excuse.  She will sometimes say something like "Oh, yeah,
we'll do something some day."  It always sounds like something that would
be said by someone who meets an old acquantance by chance, and they say
"Oh, yeah, yeah, call me." but its just lip service- they have no
intention of ever getting together.  Just being polite or something.  

This has been _pissing_ _me_ _off_. 

Why?  Glad you asked.

She's supposed to be my friend for one thing.  After a crisis a few
months ago (involving wrists and a razor- you figure it out) she has been
nowhere.  Gone.  Absent.  (Can you say "fair-weather-friend" boys and
girls?  I knew you could.)  

Anything else?  Now that you mention it, yes.

I am (or I was) in love with her.  Yep.  The old unrequited love
bullshit.  She knows.  Well, she knows that I wanted to be more than
friends.  She isn't exactly sensitive about it either.  The day after-
_the very fucking day after_ my "crisis" I saw her.  Not a word about
anything.  Thats not all.  She was continually telling me how she found x 
or y person attractive.  Not in those words, granted.  But at one point
she was staring past me, and she says:

"we got the wrong waiter"

ME: "oh.  Did we?"

HER: "Yeah... definitely"

and later she asks me if I have a pen like shes going to give him her
number.  

BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BITCHBITCH!!!!!!!!BITCHFUCKINGBITCH!!!!!

(Ahem...<cough> <wiping away tear>  Sorry, I'm back. <sniffle>)

Aaaaah.  Ain't it just grand to have a best friend!



Ever been so angry it feels like your whole body is slightly vibrating? 
No?  Guess its just me.

I would ("*thunk*") hit my head against a wall, but I don't think I'd be
able to stop.

Happy happy, joy joy.  <*GAG*>

Well, I should go before I start cursing again.


-- 
Richard Powers  | Amiga 2000 w/28Mhz 68030 & AmigaDos 2.1 |  rpowers@panix.com
(NON-standard disclaimer: My keyboard is messed up.	  | 
Any missing characters are NOT MY FAULT!)   		  |      Hail Eris! 
Newsgroups: alt.materials.simulation