From: sck@watson.ibm.com (Scott C. Kennedy)
Subject: Re: ANGER!!!!!!!
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 15:40:11 GMT
Disclaimer: This posting represents the poster's views, not necessarily those of IBM
Organization: IBM T. J. Watson Research Center

In article <1992Nov17.181707.22193@athena.cs.uga.edu>, heath@athena.cs.uga.edu (Terrance Heath) writes:
|> 
|> 	Forgive me guys & gals, but I gotta vent for a second or two.
|> I'm 4 months sober and still not quite used to dealing with everyday
|> emotions this way. The main one I'm having trouble with is anger.

I'm 7 years, 9 months, 8 days sober and I still have problems with my anger/rage.
One of the things that helps me with my anger, is to make sure that you
do not bring the anger into yourself. I used to be an angry, violent person 
but my coming to gripes with who I was made me realize that my anger
was not part of me, just something I was feeling. To me realizing this 
made me become aware that my emotions, which I had buried for many 
years, were more easily dealt with and appreciated. It's been over
three years since my anger/rage has surfaced and I have made a 
promise to myself to be a non-violent person. (so far so good)

|> 	Anger, for me, can be focused on an individual or the whole of
|> society, burns intensely, and can spring up at moments notice. I used
|> to spend all my time being angry, so I'm still quite good at it.
|> However, anger is something I used to drink over, as a means of
|> helping to calm it fires. Now I'm dealing with it sober, and I'm not
|> sure I'm dealing with it well. I know I can't afford to get angry, or
|> at least to let myself stay angry, even if I'm right. (Hell,
|> especially if I'm right!).  But I don't know what in the hell to do
|> about it. I'd like for it to go away, to be able to send it somewhere
|> else, but no one has been able to give me any magic words or any
|> sure-fire methods of doing this (I know, I know. "Don't drink and go
|> to meetings. And call your sponsor." But I need something to do in the
|> moment as well, when anger strikes, and I don't have anywhere to go or
|> anyone to call. That's how bad that particular emotion is with me.)

I have found a great way of dealing with my rage. It's quite simple, but
real frustrating to do sometimes. It's called relaxation. When I get enraged
I relax. The angrier I get the more relaxed I become. Sounds wierd? It should
but I started taking Tai-chi (a form of martial arts based on relaxation and
yielding) and found that it became almost second nature. Now, I can 
afford to be in high-stress situations and be the calmest, level-headed,
non-violent, sane person in the area.

Word of caution: Don't try to suppress your anger. For me, when I
suppressed my anger/rage it would always come out later. And it
would almost always hurt the ones closest to me.

|> 	BUT I'M SO ANGRY I COULD CHEERFULLY CHOKE THE LIVING SHIT OUT
|> OF THIS WOMAN!!!!!! AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT (I just got
|> off of work, and I'm still shaking with anger).

Deep breaths. Focus on the most tense part of your body. I think it's your
left shoulder. Focus in on it. Think about your shoulder, think about letting
it drop. Think about your anger slipping off your should, down your arms,
off your wrist, falling off your fingers, leaving your body. Let your shoulders
sag, empty the muscles in your neck and back, and breath slowly rythmically
and deeply. If you feel the urge to get angry, reach out.

|> 	Anyway, me and my sponsor are going to have a long talk
|> tonight, and I'll probably go to a meeting, just to feel as though I
|> have some support.
|> 	But is there anyone out there who has some suggestions about
|> how to deal with situations like that, and how to deal with anger? I
|> need some advice.

My only advice and suggestions are: you are not alone in your feelings. You
can gain control over that with seems to control you. 
-- 
______________________________________________________________________________
Scott C. Kennedy (sck@watson.ibm.com)  | This post does not reflect the intent 
VLSI Design Group System Administrator | or actions of my employer, nor their 
IBM Thomas J. Watson Research Facility | intent or actions reflect mine.
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agoraphobia (n) - fear of implementing or of being trapped in open systems
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