HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: anon id
Date: 22 Nov 92 19:54:12 GMT
Organization: UNC Charlotte

I sent a message Fri, Nov. 20, about my anon id, but I haven't seen it
posted to asar, so I'm sending this.
 
I have an anon id: anon-1392.
 
I intend to keep posting under my regular id (ali00erw@unccvm.uncc.edu),
but now people can respond directly to me if they want to (I have the
forwarding turned on).
 
Erin
 
 
 
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: feeling terrible
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 22:10:09 GMT

In article <Bxx9n1.2oy@twwells.com> anon-1317@twwells.com writes:
>
>For any that remember my situations with my neighbor and
>ex- lover.  He said yesterday- he did not want me in his
>life at all.

You know, something just struck me about this situation:  your
neighbor seems to be having a *really* strong reaction to you
since you told him about your abuse: maybe he can't stand 
being reminded of abuse for some specific reason?  Maybe he was
abused himself, and in denial about it?  Maybe he was involved
with someone who was abused, and they freaked out on him
somehow?  I have no idea, just guessing, but I do get the feeling 
that his rejection of you has more to do with his own history than
it has to do with *you*.  I'm betting that he would have reacted
this way to anybody who had been abused.

I know it hurts a lot.  But you know, just because he's acting weird
doesn't reflect on you at all, doesn't mean there's anything wrong
with *you*.  Maybe *he* has a problem he needs to work on.

hope you feel better soon,
 holly
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: hello
From: emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp)
Date: 19 Nov 92 23:25:05 -0600

In article <Bxxqxr.5zz@twwells.com>  writes:
>I got the following letter in my email account today from my counselor's
>secretary.
>
>** Forwarded Message from [my counselor's secretary] **
>
>Dear [name],
>
>[Your counselor] asked me to email you to inform you that he has not in any
>way dismissed your memo of Nov 11.  He doesn't type and we are his email
>receivers.  He is in the process of dictating a memo to you, as you
>requested, responding to the issues you raised and the concerns you have.
>
>I hope you can understand that this is an extremely busy time and that it has
>been hectic the last couple of weeks with midterms and now finals, etc. 
>However, he has reserved time for dictation and I will try to work the
>transmission of that dictation to you as soon as I get it back to email for
>his proof reading.  This may take awhile, but he is trying to get it
>completed for you in the written form as you requested.
>
>[signed]
>
>** End of letter
>
>Now I know I have grounds for a formal complaint.  This discussion should be
>between my counselor and me, and NOBODY else should be involved, NOT EVEN HIS
>SECRETARY!!!

Actually, aren't you complaining about a future event? Or has the aforementioned
dictation already taken place?
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1420@twwells.com
Subject: none
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 07:47:28 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

this is the first time im posting to apar, and i just want to write about
something. maybe, itll make me feel better.
I broke up with my girlfriend about 6 months ago and i have not been able to 
let go of my memories of her till today.  i dont know why. i have been trying 
to forget her, and live my life as it was before i met her, but im just 
going around in circles.  maybe one of you netters can tell me what i should
do to gain peace of mind.  

i met her about 8 months ago at a restaurant.  The next day we went out and
we just hit it off.  during the time that we were going out, one of my friends,
who i mistakenly introduced her to, tried to hit on her, and one day she went 
over to meet him.  the next day he told me about what had happened between 
them; im sure he was lying when he tried to portray her as the bad person.
after hearing him, i went over to meet her, and for some reason, she didnt 
even bring up the happenings of the previous night.  i finally told her that
i knew what had happened, and that i should have told her not to go out with my
friends (i knew that he was a slime ball when it came to girls)
	anyways,  after a couple of days, she begged me to want to go and see
him, and i agreed.  so under the pretext of taking him shopping, i took him to 
meet her.  He did not want to talk to her, and so she spoke to me.  But I 
remember these words of her's clearly, "I cant help it, I love him so much". 
these words were like a dagger piercing my heart and for a moment i couldnt
think straight. anyway, when i took her home, i told her that she had hurt me 
when she said that, and that if she still wanted to continue seeing me, 
i would just forget about this whole incident, and start afresh. she agreed,
and for the next couple of weeks things were fine.  
	then i found out that she had done the same thing to me again, and 
gone out with yet another guy.  this timme i got really upset, and without
thinking about the consequences, i called her father up, and told him that 
his daughter was not wary of who she met, and that she could get in trouble, so
could he please have a talk with her about it!  The next morning, I got a call
from her, and she just yelled at me.  Her finnal words were, "I never want to 
talk to you again."  And since that day, she has never spoken to me again.
I have tried calling her, but she refuses to take my calls.  

	I dont know what to do to forget her.  So if anyone has any suggestions
or can just tell me how to get over, id really appreciate it if you would 
reply.


ANON-Name : Shane
ANON-Ping: Yes
ANON-Mail: Yes
ANON-Announce: Yes




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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: mcmorris@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (brandywine)
Subject: Re: attractions
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 06:20:08 GMT

Well, I missed most of this I think... but on a related subject...
I find that whenever I meet a guy I tend to relate to him on a sexual
basis. Now that I am with a really cool guy (oh, I could go on for
hours about him.. he isn't perfect... but things are going really
REALLY well with him... also, I am FINALLY moving out of the familial
house hold on december 1!!!!! not in with him... but moving out and
taking care of myself!!!!) I thought I would stop being atrracked to
such people... but it was not the case.

ABout two weeks ago, his best friend came to spend the weekend. When I
met his friend, I liked him immediately.  After talking with him and
finding out what a neat person he was... I became attracked to him and
that scared me.

However, I thought about it a lot, and now I realize that it makes my
relationship with my boyfriend STRONGER because I could make a big
play for this guy and ruin what I have... but I am not even tempted
to. It just isn't enought that the friend is a cool guy and cute and
attracktive to me... what I have is more than that....

I hope that makes sense... the attraction to another person made me
see how much I love and want to be with my boyfriend....

just my $.02....

-brandywine
From: sbecker@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Human toilet
Date: 19 Nov 92 17:32:22 CST
Organization: University of Kansas Academic Computing Services

Hello again.  I'm in a lousy place right now, feeling a lot of old feelings
that I haven't acknowledged in years.  Hell, I didn't even know I could still
*feel*.  I've done some lousy things lately, and had them done to me (I'm
still having trouble not taking all the blame), and have been left feeling
like somebody went to the bathroom on/in me.  I spend 80% of my time feeling
like wounded, frightened child. . . I just wish I could remember what
happened to her to make the adult turn out this way!

Death has looked like an attractive options frequently over the last few
weeks. . .just an ending to pain, I guess that's the appeal.  I still feel
so  lonely--have trouble being myself (whoever that is) withthe folks who
try and comfort me.  I was real for a couple hours today on the phone withthe
man I love, and ended up crying pretty much the whole time, and gave myself
a migraine.  But I was real.  Does being myself have to feel like shit too?

Dunno what I'm looking for here.  Just wanted to vent, I guess.  Thanks for
listening.

Sarah
From: anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: To anon-1064 (holly)
Date: 18 Nov 92 00:14:32 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Since your email isn't turned on, I'll reply to you over the net.

You asked me: "Don't you feel just a little bit different?  Kind of like the
sort of person that someone would *want* to have a relationship with?"

Don't take this as a flame, but if some girl wanted to have a relationship
with me, don't you think she would have come up to me by now and asked?  I'm
reminded here of that friend of mine who got me into counseling.  He said the
only reason he was able to become successful at relationships was because
there was a girl who really liked *him* and took the initiative.  It made me
wonder why that sort of thing has never happened to me-- why no girl has ever
apparently been interested in me.  It made me feel unloved, but even worse,
it made me feel unlovable.  :-(

The Captain



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From: anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Anika: my new sister
Date: 20 Nov 92 22:40:47 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes



>20-Nov-92 20:41	Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower)	Anika: my new sister
>
>I hereby declare that I accept Anika as my 
>honourable honourary younger sister.
>
>
>I promise to:
>
>	(1)  Give her as much moral support as I can, as neccessary
>	     and appropiate - as I deem fit.
>
>(and in apparent contradiction to the above!)
>
>	(2)  Tease her unmercifully - at my slightest wim.
>
>	(3)  Either take her side in any argument, irrespective of
>	     the merits of her case, or take sides against her -
>	     depending on my mood.
>
>
>Gavin

Thanks, Gavin, I'd be proud to be your younger sister. Guess I can use all the
family I can get! :)

To everyone who has responded, you all help me a lot. And you're all sort of
family. I'm glad you're there.
I'll see you on Monday. Take care.

							Anika



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: rbn@sunvis.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Subject: Re: Help (sex = identity) *spoiler*
Organization: UNISYS/Environmental Protection Agency
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 04:13:28 GMT

Sarah,

I am in the process of learning to work my boundaries in terms of 
learning to not take on rescuing and to say no when I am not willing
or feel unable to do something or listen as much as I am being asked to
do.

I am finding it very challenging to do -- even when I ve been practicing
for a while -- I have a scared little boy in me who longs desperately 
to be liked and admired and is afraid that if I stand up for myself that
he will be disliked, ignored and sent away.  So, I m working with that
part of me to learn about other ways to be able to have the time and 
attention I need.  When I get the time and attention I need, then I
am able to feel stronger about setting and keeping limits.


--
----

Bob Boyd
In The Here & Now
From: anon-1012@twwells.com (All Me of Us)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: hi
Date: 17 Nov 92 19:59:31 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Hi Angel and Stephanie and everyone else--

Welcome to asar.  We're happy to have you here.  We like to say "we"
a lot too.  Sometimes people don't quite know what to make of that.
A long time ago (10-15 years?) we used to do that and people got
confused and thought we were strange and wanted us to stop kidding
around.  That's where our anon-name comes from.  I (whoever the real
person is?) have told some asar people the story privately, but maybe
this is the time to share it with all of you.  When we used to say "we"
and people thought it was too wierd, sometimes they'd ask, "so, who's
this 'we' you're referring to, anyhow?"  Then someone from deep inside,
since we didn't *really* know there were so many of us, quietly 
answered, "all me of us."  So when it was time to post here and I was
looking for a name to use, first I tried some of our individual
names, but it wasn't enough to be Spot or Trixie or even Maxine,
and then someone reminded me that we did have a way for everyone, and
that was what we chose.

I think someone little is writing this for us today; I notice that
we don't usually talk quite like this.

By the way, MPD doesn't have to be such a scary thing; we don't like
the "D" part, since we don't feel disordered, so we just say multiple
or multiplicity instead.  Actually, sometimes we feel kind of threatened
to think it might not be true.  No one can take the label away from
us.  Trixie especially likes it; she's the exhibitionist and likes
to tell people and see if she can shock them...


All Me of Us



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From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Loss of privacy *spoilers*
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 1992 00:29:34 GMT

Enigma (enigma@netcom.com) wrote:

: cd /
: find . -name myfile -print

You might want to do:

find . -name myfile -print 2> /dev/null

if you're running /bin/sh - this will get rid of all those warning messages
from find that tell you what directories you can't read.
--
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

"There is nothing to seek and nothing to find.  You're already enlightened, and
all the words in the world won't give you what you already have.  The wise
seeker, therefore, is concerned with one thing only: to become aware of what
he already is, of the True Self within."  -- Zen maxim
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

"There is nothing to seek and nothing to find.  You're already enlightened, and
all the words in the world won't give you what you already have.  The wise
From: blackbourner@bvc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: nightmare
Date: 18 Nov 92 08:55:09 CDT
Organization: Buena Vista College, Storm Lake, IA

Possible spoiler?


	I had a nightmare last night. I don't remember many details, but my 
abuser found me in the dream. It's a nightmare because he was there. My dad 
was there also. My perp didn't deny any abuse, he acted like it was not his 
problem, though. He was arrogant about it. I asked my dad if I was 
dreaming, but he said it was real. I was crying & crying. I felt scared and 
angry. Just seeing my abuser was horrible. I saw him clearly. He was 
smiling.

I'm gonna be okay,
Erin Sue
From: anon-1390@twwells.com (Screaming Fist)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Scientology (was response to ed)
Date: 24 Nov 92 04:09:54 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


>From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
>Subject: Re: response to ed
>Date: Tue, 24 Nov 1992 00:58:27 GMT

>I'm afraid this thread must have been before I started reading asar -
>what is the story about Dianetics?  Is there reason to believe they
>are involved in ritual abuse?  I have sort of a vague impression that
>they are a cult, or at least cult-like, and I'd really like to find
>out, because my chiropractor mentioned that he's a member and tried to
>encourage me to check it out, and now I don't think I want to go back
>there.  And he diid a really good job on my back...

Holly,

When you find a good chiropractor -- Keep Him!!! :)

However, according to my deprogrammer friends, The Church of
Scientology is indeed *extremely* cultish.  Dianetics is the "Sacred
Science" (cf. Lifton) for this particular group.  L. Ron Hubbard was a
science fiction author who sat down one day and designed a religion
from scratch (based in part, I'm told, on his novels).  (Being
*designed* from the start makes this group rather unique among cults.)
That religion is the Church of Scientology.  In fact, at about this
time, his cynicism and opportunism rendered him a bit of a pariah
among the (usually) liberal and tolerant clique of his sf-authoring
peers.

And, no, I've not heard anything whatsoever to verify the notion that
Scientology indulges in ritual abuse of any kind.  However, according
to my sources, what they *do* do is soak their members for large
amounts of money to pay for a totally bogus pseudo-scientific program
of personal "development."  (Including some sort of metering
contraption that allegedly measures your intellectual "progress.")
There have been quite a few lawsuits against the Ch. of Sci. based on
breach of contract, as I understand it.

Please be cautious in dealing with these people!  I believe that
survivors tend to be a bit more (maybe a lot more) succeptible to mind
control techniques than the average person.  A lot of my survivor
friends have been especially vulnerable to the allure of the simple
answers to complex questions that such groups promise (but *never*
deliver).


   *********************************************************************
   * Any attempt to impose your will on another is an act of violence. *
   *  -Mahatma Gandhi                                                  *
   ********************************************************************* 
     David L Nelson   fist@chop.isca.uiowa.edu  anon-1390@twwells.com



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: rbn@sunvis.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Subject: Opening Interactions/Checking Things Out 
Organization: Here & Now
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 14:57:14 GMT

Captain (and others) who have difficulty with starting conversation
or exchanging with someone you have an interest in getting to know:

I struggle with this stuff regularly -- I am beginning to see that I have 
the power to let someone else know that I'm interested in a direct way and
take the risk of being told "no".  

I have been terribly afraid of the pain of being told no, so I just 
assume that the answer is no and then I don't have to hear it from someone
else -- I create some major problems for me when I do this:

I deny myself the opportunity for connecting with other people out of fear
of the unknown.

I perpetuate disliking myself by telling myself that they won't be interested
without ever checking it out.

I reinforce the thought that noone will want to spend time getting to know me.
(especially since I didn't really in my gut believe that I was valuable 
enough to get to know :-( ;-)  )

I denied how much it was hurting me to stay isolated.  I didn't want to
know how much I really hurt -- and I kept being afraid of what would happen
if I finally made contact (I would have to face the pain of all the years
of isolating!  And this seemed overwhelming at first).

Well, I have reached a point where I am seriously working on my internal 
messages about having the freedom to check things out -- I feel very 
uncomfortable with this at times -- but it is FANTASTICALLY empowering
to entertain the possibility of just trying it -- and doing it often
brings me wonderful results! 

I'm working on doing things like seeing somebody who looks interesting
and just saying something really blatant like :  "Hi, I'm Bob and I 
don't know you, but I'm interested in getting acquainted -- would you
be open to that?"  What a RADICAL idea !!!! Just telling somebody 
straight out !  (my old way was that there has to be this subtle
dance and reading mysterious body language and being secretive and
not letting anyone know so I don't get hurt if they're really not 
interested, and on and on....)  This approach has a risk -- I will
possibly get a no.  It also has another risk:  I might get a YES!
Sometimes when I think about it when I feel small I notice that 
that possibility is still strange enough that I am somewhat unsure
of what to do if I get a yes-- in those times I feel like: "OH MY GOD,
THEY SAID YES!!! Now WHAT do I DO????"

I'm open to talking more about this -- if anyone has any questions about
this I would prefer email.   I'll respond here too if you like.

--
----

Bob Boyd
In The Here & Now