From: cmclark@dri.com (Chip Clark)
Subject: Re: A Question of Everybody (was Re: Any married women out there?)
Reply-To: cmclark@drivax.mry.novell.com
Organization: Desktop Systems Group/Novell, Monterey CA/USA
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 92 19:20:45 GMT



]S.I. Hayakawa once said (my paraphrase - can't remember the exact quote):
]"Society is nothing more than the sum total of all mutual agreements between
]individuals."  When viewed in that light, we realize that to change society
](maybe to solve some pressing problem), we need to understand the dynamics of
]social contracts between individuals.  For example, most view that the high
]divorce rate is symptomatic of something wrong in our society, and there are
]many theories as to why this is so.  Maybe the fundamental reason is that the
]marriage contract is so imposed on people by social and religious pressure to
]the extent that the terms are not necessarily the best for the particular
]physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the two individuals entering into
]the marriage, nor does this default, socially imposed contract take into
]account that people, circumstances and society itself change over time.

Having been marriad for nearly 12 years, and hoping to make it to 75 I can say
that the relationship has changed and has not always been happy.  There are 
many instances of disappointments on either end, but the commitment has always
been present.  Yes, there has been the urge to wander out of the relationship
and seek other's companionship (in all forms).  But it is the coming back and
the dedication to make something last that keeps this relationship most 
important.  The sense of dedication on both parts is what makes the relationship
even more worthwhile.  

I find people generally insecure, and unless both partners agree to an open
marriage (not something that happens much) these periods of wanderlust can
be very painful to the other partner.  Perhaps the relious background has
encouraged the social viewpoint on marriage, but the social background has
also affected the way people view commitment.  Not honoring that commitment
hurts, whether the offending person REALLY failed to honor the commitment or
not.  It is the preception of the person hurt and is why both partners need to
be aware of what the other partner needs.  This is extremely difficult to do.

Commitment  is the heart of a relationship.  Regardless of the reasons, if 
feels good to work through difficult periods and still be attached to each 
other.  It makes the bond even stronger.  It is the loss of this urge for
commitment that I feel has encouraged the divorce rate to climb.  

"Great art does not come from knowledge but from pain." - (Don't know the
author)

Sometimes the pain we work through makes us stronger, and surviving not 
forgoing is what we remember.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger." Niche


]Jon Noring
]"If your annual income today is $50,000, you have the same buying power as
]the average coal miner did in 1949, adjusted for taxes and inflation," John
]Sestina, nationally recognized Certified Financial Planner;  quoted in 1987.

Damn - My grandfather was a coal miner and I ain't even making as much as he
did.


Chip - 
cmclark@novell.com
Novell Desktop System Group
Technical Support
These are my opinons and only my opinions, unless you share them as well, 
which would make them our opinions, but I am not of the opinion that I can 
express your opinion as my opinion without your prior expression of said
opinion, and then my reutterance of that opinion would, in my opinion, be 
foolish unless I were expressing agreement to your opinion, and then it 
wouldn't be my opinion but your opinion to which I only agree.

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