From: uxa@po.CWRU.Edu (Unnati Amin)
Subject: Re: Pyar Kiya To Darna Kyaa.
Reply-To: uxa@po.CWRU.Edu (Unnati Amin)
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 17:31:07 GMT


In a previous article, THAHARA@YaleVM.YCC.Yale.Edu () says:

>Much has been said on the net recently about arranged marriages, matrimonials,
>etc.  The arranged marriage system has been attacked viciously, and has been
>defended with equal zeal.  Yet, I haven't seen any posts about love marriages.
> 
>Someone said on the net that 99% of all desi marriages are arranged.  While
>this may be true in India, I cannot believe that 99% of desis in the US are
>going in for arranged mariages.  Particularly, among the academic/professional
>people, I think the percentage must be much lower.
> 
>I myself married for love (Indian, different region and caste).  I know of a
>great number of other people of my generation (25-35years) in my family/friends
>who had love marriages, many of them outside the caste/religion/region of the
>country.  Of the people who I went to college with in India, much more than 10%
>went in for love marriages.  In this country, I have come across many desis
>The danger and power of parental pressure are being exaggerated by too many
> 
>Harsh Thaker
  plus a whole lot of interesting comments and observations! 
 All Indians(brought up in India) have to agree that there is limited 
interaction between the sexes in India.Admitted that in some large 
cities and in some social-circles, there is a lot of freedom. In most 
middle-class families, as long as you have only "friendly" relations and
urges,you are allowed to meet members of the opp sex. You cannot actually
go out on the streets or to restaurants without inviting atleast one crooked
smile.(This,I say out of personal experience) There does exist a subtle-kind
of double-standard even in moderately-"liberated" families, where the 
brother's "girl-friends" are common knowledge and a source of pride,but
the sister is not supposed to have any real beaus. Therefore, I suppose
arranged marriages are a necessity. My point is not that we should do 
away with them but to give people who are in love freedom and respect.
Why do people(even class-mates) say :"Unka chakkar chal raha hai" instead of
they are madly and deeply in love and they're the luckiest people on 
earth?!! Does that mean that all non-platonic man-woman relationships
are some kind of tawdry,sexual affairs? Another reason why parents 
probably disapprove of dating in India is the notion that "the girl is
spoilt!" Even if you did not have any sexual relations,"who is going
to want you?" I don't think that this happens to any men/boys. Isn't that 
true? then,why should young,unmarried women want to go out even on casual
dates? After having talked to a lot of women-friends, I have come to the 
conclusion that a lot of women do not have the confidence in meeting and
ultimately choosing the right person for themselves. Who can blame them?
It is not that they want to leave the husband-choice to their parents,but
are scared to know what will happen to them,if their romance/marriage
falls apart. they would have probably embittered their relations with
their folks by then (to be cont'd)
.
-- 
                                        UNNATI AMIN

Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian