Newsgroups: bit.listserv.ashe-l
Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 10:03:53 EST
              <ASHE-L@MIZZOU1.BITNET>
Comments:     Converted from PROFS to RFC822 format by PUMP V2.2X
Comments:     Resent-From: "Dr. David L. Arnold"
              <DLARNO01@ULKYVM.LOUISVILLE.EDU>
Comments:     Originally-From: .@.
From:         "Dr. David L. Arnold" <DLARNO01@ULKYVM.LOUISVILLE.EDU>
Subject:      New Element Discovered

Research Administration
Phone: 588-8363
  An outgrowth of my inquiry into ProForma, which is producing some interesting
 results.  Here is another for your listening enjoyment.
* Dr. David L. Arnold             * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* Research Administration         *   Word for the Day:       *
* dlarno01@ULKYVM.Louisville.edu  *      Sustainable          *
* dlarno01@ulkyvm.bitnet          * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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Date:         Tue, 26 Jan 1993 10:34:46 MDT
Reply-To:     "Ian P. Mitchell" <22016@UCDASVM1.ADMIN.UCALGARY.CA>
              <TQM-L@UKANVM.BITNET>
From:         "Ian P. Mitchell" <22016@UCDASVM1.ADMIN.UCALGARY.CA>
Subject:      New Element Discovered
Comments: To: tqm-l%UKANVM@VM.UCS.UALBERTA.CA
To:           "David L. Arnold" <DLARNO01@ULKYVM.BITNET>,
              Holly Shipp Buchanan <HSBUCH01@ULKYVM.BITNET>

From:    Ian  P. Mitchell
*** Resending note of 93-01-26 10:02

To All:

At last! I knew it would only be a matter of time before someone found the
*real* reason for bureaucratic inertia...... now all can be revealed....

==========================================================================

 S C I E N T I S T S   D I S C O V E R   N E W   E L E M E N T

The heaviest element know to science was recently discovered by
university physicists.  The element, tentatively named
Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an
atomic number of 0.  However, it does have one neutron, 15
assistant neutrons, 70 vice neutrons and 161 assistant vice
neutrons.  This gives it an atomic mass of 247.  These 247
particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves
the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.  However, it
can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes
into contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount
of Administratium added to one reaction caused it to take over
four days to complete.  Without the Administratium, the reaction
ordinarily occurred in less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three
years, at which time it does not actually decay but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice
neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.  Studies
seem to show the atomic number actually increasing after each
reorganization.

Research indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the
atmosphere. It tends to concentrate in certain locations such as
government agencies, large corporations and universities.  It can
usually be found in the newest, best-appointed and
best-maintained buildings.

Scientists warn that Administratium is known to be toxic, and
recommend plenty of fluids and bed rest after even low levels of
exposure.
============================================================================

I also hear that the reaction of Administratium with another new element,
TQMium, is fairly unstable. Sometimes chemical bonding occurs and a new
improved compound is formed. Other times the reaction is more violent with
excessive amounts of heat and darkness being generated and the Administratium
remaining unchanged. It is believed that these differences have some
relationship to the number of "holes" in the support provided
by the various neutrons. Scientists are looking into them.

Ian
======================================================================
Faculty of Graduate Studies                    22016 @ ucdasvm1.bitnet
University of Calgary                        ipmitch @ acs.ucalgary.ca
Calgary, Alberta, Canada  T2N 1N4
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