HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: chal+@REDNECK.PC.CS.CMU.EDU (Prasad Chalasani)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: New Proof Technique
Date: 20 Aug 92 14:01:38 GMT
Organization: School of Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon
Originator: chal@REDNECK.PC.CS.CMU.EDU


   A new proof technique has recently been discovered, known as 
   'Proof by Massage'.   (New York Times, April 1, 1992)


   E.g: "By 'suitably massaging' this structure, we can show that..."

   Heavily exploited by certain grad students from Berkeley, this style 
   of proof is recommended when giving a talk. A casual, circular motion 
   of both hands is essential to the technique, and  makes it highly
   effective. 'Massaging' is reminescent  of  the  well-known 
   method of Proof by Hand-waving,  but is more refined,  and  is easily 
   accepted by learned audiences: an unusually large  number  of nodding 
   heads is seen when this method is invoked. A  very  large  class  of 
   otherwise tedious proofs can be  collapsed by this powerful  short cut. 
   It is an open question whether this class strictly contains the class 
   of proofs amenable to Hand-waving. It is also open  whether  this 
   question has any impact on previous open problems like global warming,  
   overpopulation, world peace, or the economy.
   
   Unlike other proof  methods, 'Massaging' can also be used to deal with
   someone  pointing out a flaw in a presented proof, e.g., one can say,
   "We can massage the proof, and make it work for that case also...". 
   (Smiling is *not* recommended during this delicate procedure.)
   This feature makes it an invaluable tool in classrooms, conferences and 
   cocktail parties.
   
   A certain Bangkok parlour of dubious reputation claims to have 
   independently discovered this technique at least 50 years ago, although 
   they are unable to show any relevant publications.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
 Prasad Chalasani,
 Computer Signs Dept.
 Carnegie Mellon Dr.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: pochanay@cae.wisc.edu (Adisak Pochanayon)
Subject: New Smiley
Organization: U of Wisconsin-Madison College of Engineering
Date: 14 Aug 92 07:23:32 CDT

   I was reading alt.sex the other day when I came up with a new smiley for
all you smiley fans.


     :)\<-8    Smiley beating off with his left hand.

Definitely the most original smiley I've ever made.

Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish,alt.censorship
From: marios@ecs.comm.mot.com (mario smarduch)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Organization: trunking_fixed
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 1992 23:45:08 GMT

In article <1992Aug21.192806.23628@dgbt.doc.ca> ted@dgbt.doc.ca (Ted Grusec) writes:
>In article <1992Aug21.151703.11576@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com> marios@ecs.comm.mot.com (mario smarduch) writes:
>>In article <1992Aug21.042107.2790@athena.mit.edu> sybok@athena.mit.edu (The Rifleman) writes:
>>>>In article <1992Aug18.183738.17605@tin.monsanto.com> bcschu@skws02.monsanto.com (Brett Schultz) writes:
>>>>>It was just a joke.  I really don't think that Polish have any less brain power
>>>>>than anyone else.
>>>>>
>>>>>Brett
>>>>
>>>>Brett, your statements are very offensive to me - wheather you think
>>>>this is a joke or not you are just simply spreading hatred and
>>>>insults. As a community of intellectual's this cannot be tolerated
>>>>on the network and you should just simply stop posting this kind 
>>>>of crap; keep it to yourself. ALSO THE SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR 
>>>>SHOULD SEE TO THIS. 
>>
>>>Offensive ideas are protected by the first amendment.  Haven't you heard,
>>>"Although I do not agree with what you say, I'll fight to the death for
>>>your right to say it"?  And, no, I don't "approve" of this, but I must
>>>disapprove of any effort to "ban" it.
>>
>>First of all who are you ?
>>
>>Secondly is this the great Democracy pitch, the good old first ammandment?
>>The only thing is that people allover the world subscribe to this group,
>>not everyone is American and for that matter does not give a shit about
>>YOUR FIRST AMMENDMENT. This is an international community, and I don't
>>want some infintile (BRETT who ever you are) to spread such sarcastic
>>and insulting jokes, THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR MUST BE DEALT WITH, or tell
>>him to mover over to the German group, Itallian group - whatever as
>>long as he stops bashing Polish culture.
>>
>Just as a point of clarification, is one allowed to "bash" one's own
>culture? I.E. is a Pole allowed to make "Polack jokes"?
>
>-- 
>==========================================================================
>Ted Grusec    Communications Research Centre    (Govt. of Canada, DOC)
> 3701 Carling Ave., Ottawa, Ont.K2H 8S2, CANADA  Internet: ted@dgbt.doc.ca
>  Compuserve: 73607,1576  (613) 998 2762   Fax (613) 993 8657

	Sure, as long as you''''''''re the object of the joke.

regards,

mario s.

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ruthc@sco.COM (no user serviceable parts inside)
Subject: Re: Joke
Organization: The Santa Cruz Operation, Inc.
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 15:23:30 GMT


In article <1992Aug17.155412.1@cc.curtin.edu.au> smackinl01@cc.curtin.edu.au writes:
>In article <3777.33.uupcb@smurfbbs.uucp>, troy.beck@smurfbbs.uucp (Troy Beck)  writes:
>> AD>What is the difference between a Circus and a Whorehouse?
>> AD>A circus is full of CUNNIG STUNTS..


>> What is the difference between a bunch of pygmy geniuses and a girls track
>> team?
>> a bunch of pygmy geniuses are CUNNING RUNTS!!!


I always liked the following:


What is the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?



the poor marksman SHOOTS but cannot HIT.



-r
-- 
Pistol shots / Gun shots / Pistol shots / Gun shots / Bullets from a revolver /
Bullets from a gun / Bullets through the atmosphere / here they come. / John,
I've been bad and they're / coming after me, / done someone wrong and I fear /
that it was me / Sapphire bullets / Bullets of pure love. -They Might Be Giants-
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mehta@INSL.McGill.CA (Kiran Mehta)
Subject: `Subject: oxymoron'
Organization: INSL, McGill University, Montreal, Canada
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 92 22:57:35 GMT

I frequently see this on the Subject line:

 Funny joke.

Come on what else is a joke supposed to be.

Kiran.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: roelle@uars_mag.jhuapl.edu (Curtis Roelle)
Subject: Re: Bathroom humor
Organization: Johns Hopkins University
Date: 13 Aug 92 18:31:01 GMT

Once when reaching for the toilet paper in a public stall I found the following
message above the empty roll:

	For New Roll, 
	Send $19.95
	plus $3 Postage and Handling, to:

	NEW ROLL
	P.O. Box 1191
	Peoria, IL

It was so funny at the time.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mvickers@orca.fhcrc.org (Mark Vickers)
Subject: Re: please help me name my machine
Organization: Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, Seattle
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 00:25:32 GMT

Here I sit if deadly vapor
waiting for the toilet paper
how much longer must I linger
'till I forced to use my finger!
From: jds@waikato.ac.nz
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: FORUM Mailing List
Date: 17 Aug 92 16:50:36 +1200
Organization: University of Waikato, Hamilton, New Zealand

In article <1992Aug16.155401.29009@wam.umd.edu>, boffo@wam.umd.edu (Sharon Roseanne Millman) writes:
> Sign me up as well.
> Dan
> boffo@wam.umd.edu
> 
Sign me up to please!
Thanks 
Jimmy the Fish!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: echyatt@eos.ncsu.edu (EDWARD CRAIG HYATT)
Subject: Re: Food Vending Machines 
Organization: North Carolina State University, Project Eos
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 14:21:55 GMT

In article <1992Aug12.151827.24228@dickens.com>, jd@dickens.com (Joe Dudar) writes:
|> In article <1992Aug11.155024@axion.bt.co.uk> pcellik@axion.bt.co.uk (Peter SPHINX Cellik) writes:
|> >
|> >In article <4687@balrog.ctron.com>, tavares@danville (Jack Tavares) writes:
|> >|> echyatt@eos.ncsu.edu (EDWARD CRAIG HYATT) writes:
|> >|> : In article <1992Jul30.091712@axion.bt.co.uk> pcellik@axion.bt.co.uk (Peter SPHINX Cellik) writes:
|> >|> : >
|> >|> : >In article <1992Jul29.175742.8642@cbnewsl.cb.att.com>, saal@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (samuel.saal) writes:
|> >|> : >|> In article <1992Jul23.191425.618@ncsu.edu> echyatt@eos.ncsu.edu (EDWARD
|> >|> : >|> CRAIG HYATT) writes:
|> >|> : >|> 
|> >|> : >|> >In article <y!gm=2b@lynx.unm.edu> evilted@vesta.unm.edu (Evilted) writes:
|> >|> : >|> 
|> >|> : >|> >>In article <1992Jul19.185325.17058@ncsu.edu> echyatt@eos.ncsu.edu
|> >|> : >|> >>(EDWARD CRAIG HYATT) writes:
|> >|> : >|> 
|> >|> : >|> >>>In article <oa65NB3w165w@major.panix.com> dos@major.panix.com (Dave
|> >|> : >|> >>>O'Shea) writes:
|> >|> : >|> 
|> >|> : >|> >>>>> Did Mike get his 50 cents back from the vending company?
|> >|> : >|> 
|> >|> : >|> >>>>Hey, we don't know that he never got his soda...
|> >|> : >|> 
|> >|> : >|> >>>I'm sure that either way, he was crushed.
|> >|> : >|> 
|> >|> : >|> >>But was it orange or grape?
|> >|> : >|> 
|> >|> : >|> >Don't know, but by the time he got to
|> >|> : >|> >drink it, it had gone flat.
|> >|> : >|> 
|> >|> : >|> And when he got back to his cubicle, his boss canned him.
|> >|> : >|> -- 
|> >|> : >
|> >|> : >I think it was a Diet drink, he was looking pretty thin.
|> >|> : >
|> >|> : No. No. No.  He was canned because he was
|> >|> : spreading himself too thin.  And it wasn't
|> >|> : a diet drink, it was a crash diet.
|> >|> : -- 
|> >|> Oh, i thought it was an orange crush!
|> >|> 
|> >Yea, it was a diet orange crush, but it was flat, real flat.
|> >
|> I guess I'm IMPRESSED that this thread has continued for sooooo long.
|> -- 
|>Not as long as the can had been lying in the machine though

Not as long as Mike had been lying under the machine.
Well, OK.  Partially in the machine, too.

-- 
--------------------
Craig Hyatt
NCSU@Raleigh, NC USA
echyatt@eos.ncsu.edu
--------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: smackinl01@cc.curtin.edu.au
Subject: Re: please help me name my machine
Organization: Curtin University of Technology
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 06:48:29 GMT

In article <1992Aug13.105659.8776@newstand.syr.edu>, rsadve@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Adve) writes:
>We get to name our machines at work here, and I am 
>in desperate need of a new machine name in a hurry!  
>Can you help me?  
>
>I've come up with itchy, scratchy, krusty (all from 
>the Simpsons in case u were wondering), elvis, 
>thefarside, oohbaby, whoababy, woobaby (stolen from 
>the net), ohbaby, themall, thelake, thebeach, and 
>thegap, but none of these is all that great, or 
>appropriate for work....please please help me, it 
>just needs to be somewhat clean, you know, suitable 
>for the workplace.

Try lunch, so whenever anyone wants to email they say -
<insert name here>@lunch
                  ^
                  +- reads as "at" for the slow witted.
-- 
Simon.
Have you got a form 27/b?
From: yaron@anchor.as.utexas.edu (Mr. Sheffer)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Agnostics and Athiests
Date: 13 Aug 92 05:05:23 GMT
Organization: McDonald Observatory, University of Texas @ Austin

In article <1992Aug9.114421.1@research.ptt.nl> mschenk@research.ptt.nl (Mike Schenk +31 70 33 23926) writes:
>If God can do anything, he can make a rock which he cannot 
>lift himself. So God cannot do anything (namely lifting that 
>rock).

But this depends on what God wants to do! If He decides to make such a
unliftable rock, then lets assume He shall do it. But then do you expect
him to change his mind and try lift the rock?? This is nonsense, since
God started the rock for the sole criterion of unliftiness, and by golly,
such Rock shall stay unliftable to eternity, buy God's design and wish.
Surely He cannot lift it, but this shows how omnipotent He is, since it
is NOT trivial matter to create such a special Rock to begin with!

Can you drop the drawer's key into the drawer AFTER you lock it with the
key? This is just as logical as asking God to do the Rock. Wait...
what if we give God a Drawer and a Key...? Can He... Nah, forget it.

Ronny
>
>
>    Mike


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mzabel@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Mark A Zabel)
Subject: Re: Oxymorons revisited
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 20:21:22 GMT

I got into this thread a bit late, so forgive me if
either of these is a repeat.  Two that I like are:

=====>>> Military Intelligence

and especially

=====>>> Jumbo Shrimp
From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: another marine joke
Date: 18 Aug 92 23:58:45 GMT
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

A few years SNL had a skit that was a satire of a armed forces recruitment
add.  There's this patriotic music as a man was walking down the street.
He approached a man and asked him a question (you can't hear the dialog). 
The second man shook his head and the first continued down the street. He
approached another man and the same scenario took place.  So the first man
continued down the street.  He walked up to another man and asked him a 
question.  A conversation ensued and they are both smiley and nodding their
heads.  They turn and walk away and put their arms around each others waist
as the tag line comes up...

"The Marines.  We're look for just a few good men."
-- 
+============================================================================++
| John Fereira            "Is that all you ever think about?"                |
| johnf@auspex.com                                                           |
+============================================================================++
Xref: sparky rec.humor:26807 alt.politics.clinton:2603 talk.politics.guns:19887
From: elendil@mintir.new-orleans.la.us (Edward J. Branley)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
Subject: Re: Guns don't kill ...
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 92 16:24:09 CDT
Organization: Minas Tirith BBS, New Orleans, LA

holland@access.digex.com (Brian Holland) writes:

>
> >>>PS, any of you have any opinions on someone starting law school at 34?
> >>
> >>Why not, I knew a guy who became a male prostitute at 36.
> >
> >The only differance I see is the age.
>
> There's a huge difference.  If I was a male prostitute, I'd probably
> tell my mom what I do for a living.
>
> __
> Brian Holland                 (202) 835-8072
> HOPKINS & SUTTER
> 888 16th Street
> Washington, D.C. 20006
>
>

And if I were your mom, I'd have more respect for you...



|Edward J. Branley                         elendil@mintir.New-Orleans.LA.US|
|Seashell Software                                UUCP:  rex!mintir!elendil|
|3508 North Woodlawn Avenue                          Compu$erve: 71237,2227|
|Metairie, LA   70006       voice: +1-504-455-5087     bbs: +1-504-455-8665|
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bassanin@odie.ee.wits.ac.za (Angelo Bassanino)
Subject: Nose
Summary: Nose
Keywords: Michael Jackson
Organization: Wits Electrical Engineering (Novell Users).
Distribution: global
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 1992 09:30:20 GMT

 How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

 He looks through a catalogue in the plastic surgeon's office.
From: m_cole@csd.brispoly.ac.uk (M Cole)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Agnostics and Athiests
Date: 13 Aug 92 01:06:49 GMT
Organization: Bristol Polytechnic, England

In article <keVGgZW00UhWQ1Q2Ma@andrew.cmu.edu> cd1i+@andrew.cmu.edu (Christopher Bradley Devlin) writes:
>>>If God can do anything, he can make a rock which he cannot 
>>>lift himself. So God cannot do anything (namely lifting that 
>>>rock).
>>>
>>I stole this idea of the last Wizardry game (Bane Of The Cosmic Forge), but
>>if God knows everything, he's supposed to know nothing all at the same time.
>>Supposedly, by that logic, then, while he's supposed to be able to complete
>>all tasks with utmost efficiency and competency, he must have also perfected
>>incompetency and inefficiency (but I guess if you believe in God you can say
>>that he accomplished that by creating a bureaucracy here on Earth).
>
>Yeah, isn't that an old debate?  "Can God get himself lost?"  Could
>Jesus go swimming if he really wanted to?  Why didn't the apostles get a
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Only if he filled in those holes in his hands and feet.... 8^)

>ladder?
>
>God and I have this little understanding.  I don't believe in Him and He
>questions my authority.
>
>Chris
>"Nibblin on sponge cake..."
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mzabel@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Mark A Zabel)
Subject: Re: American Joke
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 17:22:57 GMT

>>Saying all the American presidants, both living and dead, are/were retarded 
>>is also a no no.....
>
>There was an interesting article in Saturday's Toronto Globe and Mail, that
>was talking about the absurd way Bush talks.  Basically, it said that he's
>showing classic symptoms of Aphasia, a form of brain damage.  The only
>problem is that as far as anybody can tell, he's _always_ talked like that.

     Yeah, it's sort of a cross between John Wayne and Mr. Rogers.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: kasvand@ccrs.emr.ca (Tony Kasvand)
Subject: Re: You're Sooo Ugly Jokes
Organization: Canada Centre for Remote Sensing, Ottawa
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 16:46:07 GMT

In article <viking.713691187@vincent1.iastate.edu> viking@iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson) writes:
>	if the person is female:
>
>"You're so ugly you could cook buck naked in a men's reformatory and
>have no fear of sexual advances."
>
 "You're so ugly, Lucifer would puke and bury his face in the vomit." 


-- 
Tonis Kasvand      | " Tomorrow on CABLE 1 Television,  
Ottawa, Canada     |     Bruno wonders why his Frosted Flakes tastes soggy 
kasvand@ccrs.emr.ca| and then realizes he has eaten Relics scab collection." 
                           - The Royal Canadian Air Farce
From: mort@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Jeff Mortensen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: You're Sooo Ugly Jokes
Date: 12 Aug 92 06:58:01 GMT
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA

In rec.humor, tsv@dbrus.Unify.Com (Tim Vannaman) writes:

> 
> I need some "you're soo ugly jokes".   Please send them to me or post them.
	
	Your sooooo ugly, your mother feed you stewed tomatos with a sling shot.

	Your soooo ugly, I had to shave the dogs ass and make him walk backwards	so I could call him you, and I had to tie a bone around your neck to get
	him to play with you.> 

	Your sooooo ugly, I had to where two bags over my head just in case
	one broke.    
> --
> Tim Vannaman, Premium Technical Support Engineer   Phone: (916) 928-6433
> Unify Corporation, Sacramento, California    Fax: (916) 928-6403
> tsv@unify.Com  or  {{ucdavis,csun,lll-crg}!csusac,pyramid,sequent}!unify!tsv
From: corinne@freya.cs.umass.edu (Corinne J. Roy)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: RE: Bathroom humor
Date: 12 Aug 92 19:17:48 GMT
Reply-To: corinne@freya.cs.umass.edu (Corinne J. Roy)
Distribution: na
Organization: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Originator: corinne@freya.cs.umass.edu


>Seen on a toilet wall.

>When this tiolet cleaner finally dies,
>he will find erected in the skies,
>a tribute to his glorious wit,
>a monument of solid shit.

>Any other toilet poetry anyone?

>Gaz

I remember seeing this written on the library bathroom
wall when I was a little kid...

Here I sit 
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted


Cori

Xref: sparky rec.humor:26788 soc.culture.polish:2060
From: marek@masg1.epfl.ch (Marek Swierkosz)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Date: 21 Aug 92 17:54:44 GMT
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: Ecole Polytechnique Federale de Lausanne

In article <1992Aug21.154039.2715@julian.uwo.ca>, jv@irus.rri.uwo.ca (Jeffrey Verhagen) writes:
|>  I believe it *was* an example of prejudice to
|> call the notation "Polish" notation, rather than to use the name of the 
|> individual in question.
|> 
|> Jeff...

You are right. But the guy's name was Lukasiewicz - kind of difficult to
pronounce for anybody who's not Polish. So maybe that's why...

Marek
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: tjg01@thdhub.HomeDepot.COM (Terry Gardner)
Subject: Re: please help me name my machine
Organization: The Home Depot, Inc.
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 17:17:52 GMT
Distribution: na

In article <46653@shamash.cdc.com> ria@dash.udev.cdc.com (Richard Askew) writes:
>
>In fact, using chemical names (of course, fully expanded) might be a
>good way to really hack off non-Biochemists Users.
>
>--- Imagine: rlogin polydimufterfuftcloride  

or just after the initials, like pdmchl, or some such.

How about nautical names, like gunnel, focsl, etc. ?
(box at home is called pequod :) )
-- 
"VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win, you can use UNIX".
terry@HomeDepot.COM			          Terry J. Gardner
From: spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: And it's my fault!
Date: 19 Aug 92 14:02:29 +1200
X-From: spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
X-Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Followup-To: rec.humor,talk.bizarre

X-Date: 19 Aug 92 14:01:50 +1200
X-Organization: University of Waikato Computer Centre


So I'm sitting in this small cafe I know, just admiring my aquiline features
in the stainless steel napkin, when this guy walks in.  You know the sort I'm
talking about, a guy.

   So anyway, I continue to admire away, and the guy sits in a table about 10
feet away - like his body language wasn't saying everything.

He orders a meal in a manner that I found quite offensive too, asking for an
entree', a main, then a dessert.  Just like that.

Like I don't know what he's implying about me only having a coffee served
in a teapot.

So anyway, this *bastard* goes on to eat his tea - you know, just provoking
me; so I feel it's neccessary to say *something*, just to get this guy off
my back.

"Just knock it off Ok pal!" I snarl "Just watch yourself, alright?!"

Then he looks around like he thinks I'm talking to someone else.

I hate smug bastards like that - they really get on my wick.

So then his main arrives, and he eats that rather hurriedly, and now I'm
sure he's winding me up - just pissing me around to see which way the urine
glistens.  Eating fast to make sure I know what he means.

So then the waiter starts pissing me round as well.  He goes to this guy's
table and removes all the plates, then comes over to my table to get mine!
I tell him to bugger off of course, I know what he's up to, and getting the
other guy's plates first is just to make me feel at ease.  Right.  So I
keep my plates, and cups and things, and then it hits me that this guy and
the waiter are probably in league with each other - they probably just wait
till someone like me comes in and then stuff them about a bit for kicks.

Well they picked on the wrong guy.

I slip the gun out of my pocket and lay it on the table beside me.  Now they
know I'm not going to take any shit.  Now they *know* the went too far...

Picked on the wrong guy...

The waaaay wrong guy.

Like the guys who used to pick on me at school.

If it was them now, they'd know.

After the slaughter, the cops come and take me away, and the joke of it is,
they blame *ME*.   I tell them I'm wasn't the one with the bloody entree', but
they don't listen.

They never listen.

Not even at school.
-- 

 +--------+ --+--        +         --+--                 Who needs X? I've got 
 | +----+ |   |          |           |                   a VT100 complete with
 | |    | |   | |  | `/` +--   --    |   ,--, `/` +\ /+  enhanced video.......
 | +----+ |   | |  | |   |  ) (  )   |   |--' |   | V | 
 | VT 100 |   + +--+ +   +--   --    +   `--' +   +   + Fax:  (064)-7-838-4066
 +--------+ Simon Paul Travaglia,  Computer Services,  University  of  Waikato
 [========] Private. Bag 3105,  Hamilton, New Zealand. spt@grace.waikato.ac.nz

A lie in time saves nine.
From: liangw@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (William Liang)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: what to do with $10
Date: 18 Aug 92 16:19:28 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

I was once told this joke, and I thought it was very funny:

Juan and Pedro were hanging out together on the street when Juan produced
a $10 note from his pocket.  Pedro complained that they can't have fun or
do anything with $10.

Juan:  Don't worry, man.  I've gotta an idea.

So Juan leads Pedro towards a corner store and walked in.
Five minutes later Juan walks out of the store with a box of tampons.

Pedro:  Juan, you're crazy?  What are we going to do with a box of tampons!

Juan:  With this, we can go swimming, biking, and riding...


Newsgroups: rec.humor