From: kapa@cbnewsc.cb.att.com (k.a.perkins)
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 15:05:28 GMT
Followup-To: soc.couples

In article <1992Apr9.153217.14011@cbnewse.cb.att.com>, hjanssen@cbnewse.cb.att.com (hank janssen) writes:
> From article <1992Apr8.203858.3251@cbfsb.cb.att.com>, by sms@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (steven.m.stein):
> > In article <1992Apr8.173620.19757@ultra.com> stcroix@ultra.com (Bill St. Croix) writes:
> >>In article <1992Apr7.183212.349@cbfsb.cb.att.com> sms@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (steven.m.stein) writes:
> >>>In article <75nG027bc0Nq00@amdahl.uts.amdahl.com> jsp@pls.amdahl.com writes:
> > 
> >>Excuse me???  Excuse me...if you ask someone out, who is in a relationship
> >>and they say yes, you are responsible for breaking them up.
> > 
> > Don't agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am not responsible for the actions of
> > others, only for my own.  Let's give women a little credit here.  They
> > are more than capable to say "NO".  In fact, I think they are more 
> > capable at saying no than us men.  If their relationship was on the rocks,
> > and that's why she said "YES", I is still NOT my fault the relationship
> > was failing.

I absolutely agree.  What was going on in that relationship is
between those 2 people.  If you ask person A out, and s/he doesn't
want to, all s/he has to say is, "no".


> This is getting fun.
> I guess you also don't hold Hitler responsible for  the  second  world
> war. Just imagine him saying, I am not responsible for anybody's elses
> actions. Only my own.
> B.llSh.t, without him there would not have been a second world war. 

This analogy is better than you know, in the opposite way of
what I believe you intended.
Without the Treaty of Versailles and the First World War, there
would not have been a WWII either.  I don't mean that in a semantic
sense.  WWI set the stage, economically and politically, for WWII,
as you should probably know if
you have a high school diploma from a US high school.  To say that
one person, even Hitler, was solely responsible for WWII is stretching,
and about as accurate as saying
that asking person A out on a date is the only factor that destroyed
A and B's relationship.  Had the German people not been ready for
someone like Hitler, he would have had little influence.

> Also  without you, the people would not have had a reason to brake up.
> So it damn well makes you (at least, partially) responsible.

I see you weaseling away from your position of total blame for
the 3rd party.  You don't know whether these people had a reason
to break up or not.  People who are totally happy with each other don't
break up because some other person expresses an interest in one
of them.

> 
> The above logic, It isn't my fault, they did it. Is a screamer.

It's also true.  Maybe fault isn't even the right word.  If a
relationship breaks up, is that necessarily a bad thing?  Maybe it's
a good thing.


> So  you  also  don't  have  any  problem  if  i  would  take away your
> girlfriend/wife or whatever. You would not think anything off it.

Well, if you *took away* someone, as in carried off by force, that
is different.  But if s/he chose to leave with you, you didn't *take*
them away.  Why do I get the feeling that SOs are being treated
like property in this discussion?

Of course, people may have problems if their sweeties leave them.
They may feel bad, they may miss them.  That isn't what the
poster said.  You could not make my sweetie leave me unless he
wanted to go.  You could not make me leave him unless I was already
unhappy with him.  You can not make anyone do anything.