Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: allisson@turing.toronto.edu (H. Allisson Roome)
Subject: How Important Is Being IN-LOVE?
Summary: Question about Love?
Keywords: Love,Romance, Relationships
Organization: Net.Gypsy/Rom
Date: 13 Oct 92 02:28:08 GMT

Hi all, I'm back.  I should be able to telenet to my Canadian account quite
nicely now - although, I probably will be having a real account of my own
soon.  For the idlely curious, I'm a downstate New York resident now;  I work
in Lower Manhatten and live on Long Island (no, I do *NOT* have the attrocious
accent - I never have).

Enough of this,  I have a question for you all. The past month or so I've been
doing some thinking about love, romance, and relationships - and some reading
as well - and what I've begun to wonder is this:

      How important is "BEING IN-LOVE" with someone you're involved
      with for the duration and course of the relationship?

By 'in love' I mean all the warm, squishy romantic feelings; the euphoria;
the glow that haloes the love object/romantic partner; etc. I'm sure most
of you have an idea of what it is that I'm talking about.  I'm talking
about the ROMANCE in the relationship - the way your heart may go 'pitter-pat'
when you think of the person you're 'in-love' with.

So to rephrase the question:  How important is ROMANCE for a relationship that
you have?  Do you need to have it for a relationship to progress from the
stage where you go out on dates/do things with a person to *only* going on
dates/doing "couplish" things with that special person (from dating several to
perhaps dating just one)?  Do you need to be "in-love" versus just loving them
with the significant other to be physically intimate with them (I'm not
concerned with what constitutes intimacy for you, use your own definitions)?  I
suppose the biggest question is if you find yourself in a relationship where
you do love the person but either a)have no romantic/in-love feelings for them
and never have or b) find yourself no longer in-love is that a cause for
ending the relationship or looking to enter another one?

I know they are not easy questions to answer or to think about.  Leastaways, I
know that they make my head spin at times.  I ask out of a sense of curiousity
about other people's thoughts on the subject and because I've been puzzled by
behaviours of some people I've observed with regard to relationships.  I do
know where I stand on the questions - I don't see it being relevant at the
moment to state my postions (especially, since I'm looking for neither
agreement or refutation but merely people's views).

I will say this, I do believe that there is a distinction between "BEING
IN-LOVE WITH" and "LOVING" someone.  What I wonder about is the relative value
is for each (i.e., how important one is vs. the other) and whether others see
the distinction as well or not.

Anyway, something for people to chew over and offer opinions on (something
soc.singles is good at, true?) and it is a change from the endless diatribes
about Ed Wright's datability.

Allisson
-- 
allisson@turing.toronto.                            H. Allisson Roome
"Far more marvelous is the truth than any artist of the past imagined.  Why
do poets of the present not speak of it?" - Richard Feynman
Newsgroups: soc.singles