From: lowry@watson.ibm.com (Andy Lowry)
Subject: Re: 20/20 and Spanking
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 16:09:37 GMT
Disclaimer: This posting represents the poster's views, not necessarily those of IBM
	<LOWRY.92Nov2103817@rotor.watson.ibm.com>
	<1992Nov04.020929.2218468@locus.com>
Organization: IBM T.J. Watson Research Center

In article <1992Nov04.020929.2218468@locus.com> judy@locus.com (Judy Leedom Tyrer) writes:
 > >Yes, this is the primary goal for parents... that their kids not be
 > >brats.  The happiness of the child, and the satisfaction they get from
 > >life, are secondary concerns.  Just make sure the parents' job isn't
 > >any more difficult than it has to be during the time they're
 > >responsible.  After that, the child (now an adult) can deal with
 > >their own miserable life, and the parents will be off the hook.
 > 
 > I realize you are being sarcastic here, but I think you are being highly
 > unfair to parents with this statement.  If you look around you at the adults
 > yuo know that are still brats you might find that not one of them is a happy
 > well adjusted adult.  Life requires self-discipline.  We, as adults, must
 > learn to put aside momentary pleasures for long term gain.  This is the core
 > of discipline, from the religious person who fasts as a form of self discipline
 > to the athlete that takes time for weight training so improve their performance.
 > 
 > There is no way to make parenting easier.  We can only make it less stressful
 > and keep ourselves sane.  And to do this we must have a peaceful household
 > and a good relationship with our children.
 > 
 > You are clearly not a parent and I find your attitude toward parents insulting.
 ...

I don't know where you ever got that idea.  I *AM* a parent.  I don't
have to go home and imagine the stress (and joy) of raising a child
every night, because I go home and *live* it.

The paragraph you quoted above was, indeed, sarcastic.  It was not
meant to offend any parent, though I can easily imagine the parent to
whom I was responding having been offended.  While I have many (over a
dozen) pieces of private electronic mail from parents who have thanked
me for my postings in this debate, I have not a single piece of mail
from anybody telling me they were offended by anything I said.

The above sarcastic paragraph was in response to someone who posted
the following advice on parenting, in the context of a discussion of
spanking: "Do whatever you feel is right, and works for your kids --
please make sure they're not brats."  This struck me as outrageous,
and hence my sarcasm.  I have never said, nor do I believe, that
parents should be unconcerned with whether or not their children are
brats.  But "Do whatever you feel is right," in the context of the
full article, sounded like there's no point in listening to what
experts have to say about spanking, and that the only measure of
success a parent need pay attention to is whether or not the child is
a brat.  Clearly nonsense, since it's very easy to raise extremely
polite children by simply beating them up whenever they're impolite.

I am truly sorry if my intentions were misunderstood, though to be
perfectly honest I am amazed that you could reach some of the
conclusions that you did given what I wrote.  If you do, in fact,
believe that avoiding brattiness is the number one goal of parenting,
and that all other goals simply flow from this one, then we have some
very basic disagreements.  And there's no point getting insulted from
disagreement, is there?
--
Andy Lowry, lowry@watson.ibm.com, (914) 784-7925
IBM Research, P.O. Box 704, Yorktown Heights, NY  10598
Newsgroups: misc.kids