From: skaski@mits.mdata.fi (Samuli Kaski)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: Whats going to happen 1993 - READ ;)
Date: 25 Dec 92 10:13:21 GMT
Organization: Microdata Oy

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        I T ' L L   H A P P E N   I N   ' 9 3   -   P O S S I B L Y
 
         By Eden McNulty, (The Nostradamus of the computer world).
 
 Taken from CTW (Christmas Trade Weekly supplement), Monday December 21st.
 Typed by Executioner of Quartex - Treasure Island BBS - +44 (0)992 451191
 
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                                  JANUARY
 
Commodore  slices  #100  off  the  price of the A1200, prompting a flood of
complaint  letters  to  the Amiga press from angry punters who'd bought one
the day before.
 
Kelly  Sumner  replies  in  an  open  letter  to the press, saying that the
company  hadn't been planning the move in advance, he'd just lost a game of
Truth  or Dare, and had to do it for a forfeit.  A600 and A500P owners form
a user support group called The Mothers Of The Disappeared.
 
Lemmings  II  `slightly  delayed  due to minor programming tweaks', but due
next month `for sure'.  WWF European Rampage, the Christmas No.1, drops out
of  the  Gallup/Penguin Top 100.  CTW doesn't get sued for anything in Eden
McNulty's Christmas feature.
 
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                                 FEBRUARY
 
Commodore  announces  the  A700,  a  keyboardless Amiga console with 32-bit
architecture,  built-in  sprite  scaling and rotation, disk, smart card and
cartridge  ports,  three  megs  of  on-board memory and a 64 million-colour
palette.  The machine will run 50% of existing Amiga software and will sell
for #250.
 
The  Mothers  Of The Disappeared take on some disgruntled A1200 owners, and
mount a small protest at the trade launch of the A700.
 
Lemmings  II is reviewed in several Amiga mags, racking up 97% plus scores,
but the street date is put back a month to `allow the post-Christmas market
to settle'.
 
Acclaim  releases  the  long  awaited  Aliens  3,  which  turns out to be a
platform based shoot `em up where you play Ripley through several scrolling
levels,  blasting away at millions of little Alien sprites.  Actually, come
to  think of it, it looks a lot like Lethal Weapon.  The game goes straight
to No.1.  Amiga Force closes.
 
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                                   MARCH
 
In  a  shock  move,  Commodore  drops  the price of the A700 to #199, in an
attempt  to  put  pressure  on  the rocketing sales of the Super NES, while
simultaneously  announcing  a  new,  `serious'  Amiga,  the A5000.  The new
machine  boasts  all  the  new  features  of the A700, but with a keyboard,
built-in  colour  monitor,  built-in  200  meg  hard  drive,  and  complete
compatibility  with  the  IBM PC.  The asking price of #599 also includes a
year's free subscription to Sky Movies, for no obvious reason.
 
System  3  teams-up  with Gremlin to release The Last Lotus, a driving game
with  a  difference - it looks exactly like Lotus 2 and 3, but you move the
joystick left to accelerate, hit fire to turn right, push the mouse forward
to  brake,  and  press  space  on  the  keyboard to spin round and round in
confused circles until your time runs out.
 
The  keyboard requirement makes the game A700-incompatible, and hundreds of
owners  rush  to join the swelling ranks of The Mothers Of The Disappeared,
who  organise  a  protest  march on Gremlin's Sheffield HQ.  Lemmings II is
held back on account of `the wrong kind of snow'.
 
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                                   APRIL
 
In   a  technical  breakthrough,  Psygnosis  claims  to  have  developed  a
six-button  joystick  which  will  make  the Amiga version of Lemmings II a
`quantum  leap in games design'.  The game's release is delayed for a month
so that the programmers can cater for the new hardware.
 
Commodore,  for no obvious reason, ties up a promotional deal with Rowntree
Mackintosh,  whereby collecting the lids from 100 tubes of Smarties enables
you  to  claim a free A5000.  The Mothers Of The Disappeared, now thousands
strong, picket sweet shops nationwide.
 
Ocean releases Batman Returns.  It looks a lot like Aliens 3.
 
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                                    MAY
 
The  scheduled  Psygnosis launch of Lemmings II at the Spring ECTS fails to
materialise.   Psygnosis  says  the  game  is  `completely  finished',  but
manufacturing difficulties with the new six-button joystick have forced the
firm to wait until it can get sufficient numbers into the shops.
 
After  a quiet period, Commodore announces the A900, an enhanced version of
the A700 which also features a TV tuner and CB radio, and sells for #229.99
(reduced to #129.99 if you do a part-exchange with your old VIC-20).
 
There are teething troubles though, as it is revealed that the machine will
only  run  30%  of  existing  A700  software.   Furious purchasers join The
Mothers   of   the  Disappeared's  mass  campaign  of  civil  disobedience,
culminating  in  a huge rally in Trafalgar Square which ends in ugly scenes
as  Kelly  Sumner, attempting to placate the crowd, is pelted with eggs and
copies of incompatible games in enormous boxes.
 
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                                   JUNE
 
Entertainment  International  releases  Space  Ace  3  -  Borf Miraculously
Returns,  Despite  Having  Clearly  And Unambiguously Died In The Last One.
"This  time, we've combined the traditional stunning graphics and animation
with  gripping,  interactive  gameplay,"  says  the  press  release.  "It's
exactly  the same as before", say the reviews.  The game's packaging, a 2ft
by  3ft  laminated  cardboard  box  with  a  free  model Ace made of ivory,
attracts criticism from several environmental bodies.
 
Psygnosis shocks everyone by declaring Lemmings II will now not be released
at  all!  Instead, it will be solely available as part of a software bundle
supplied  with Commodore's new A950, a revolutionary machine like the A900,
but  featuring  a  128-channel  sound chip with 10 megs of dedicated sample
memory,  three  billion  colours  all  on  screen at once, 2048x2048 screen
resolution,  Super  NES  and  Megadrive  emulator  modes, Full Motion Video
compatibility, built in CD-ROM drive and cuddly toy.
 
The  machine  is  to  be  sold  at  an astounding #149, but, for no obvious
reason, it's only compatible with 10% of existing Amiga software.
 
The  Mothers  Of  The  Disappeared  detonate  a  small  explosive device in
Islington to register their annoyance.
 
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                                   JULY
 
Virgin  returns  triumphatly  to  the  games scene after a few months lying
dormant,  with  Archer  Maclean's  Billiards.  Utilising a revolutionary 3D
game  engine,  Billiards  takes  the  successful formula previously seen in
Jimmy White's Whirlwind Snooker and Archer Maclean's Pool and, er, releases
it.
 
Code  Masters  continues  its  new pricing policy, with Couldn't Resist The
Tempation  Any Longer Dizzy going out at #45 on all formats, except for the
8-bit NES version which is #70.
 
Psygnosis unexpectedly withdraws Lemmings II from the A950 bundle, deciding
that  it's  `so  good it deserves to stand on its own, as everyone will see
when we release it next month'.
 
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                                  AUGUST
 
Commodore  bounces  back  from the A950 Lemmings II disappointment with the
announcement  of  a  new  bundle  including  the  machine,  two  six-button
infra-red  joysticks,  a  high resolution 25-inch monitor, pair of 100 watt
speakers,  and a complete set of Genesis albums on picture CD, selling at a
special  recession-beating  summer  promotional  price  of  #99.99  and two
coupons from the top of Kelloggs Corn Flakes boxes.
 
Sadly,  slight  ROM  changes  mean that the machine will now only run 5% of
existing  software.   The Mothers Of The Disappeared assassinate John Major
in protest.
 
Dominik  Diamond  receives  an OBE, in the Queen's Abdication Honours List,
and  joyfully  shows  of  his gong (oo-er!) to the waiting press, remarking
`Oooh, isn't it a big shiny one!  I'll be going back home to my bedroom and
giving it a good rub later on!'
 
Psygnosis  decides to delay Lemmings II for `just one more month, until the
traditional summer slump is over.'
 
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                                 SEPTEMBER
 
Nothing  EVER happens in September.  According, that is, to Psygnosis, in a
press release explaining the non-appearance of Lemmings II.
 
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                                  OCTOBER
 
Future  Publishing's MD Sir Chris Anderson announces plans for a major show
in the winter, to be held at Wembley Stadium during the whole of next month
and entitled The Biggest Thing In The Galaxy Ever Show.
 
Special  events  are  to include the live coronation of King Charles III, a
seminar  featuring the editors of all of Future's magazines (for no obvious
reason,  since  nobody  really cares what any of them think about anything)
and  the  entire Cabinet, including Prime Minister Dominik Diamond, and the
world  launch  of  Lemmings  II, which has been specially held back for the
occasion.
 
Heady  rumours circulate within the industry also plans to use the occasion
to not release any new Amigas whatsoever.
 
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                                 NOVEMBER
 
Despite nine inches of snow, the Biggest Thing In The Galaxy Ever Show is a
roaring  success, with an audience figure larger than the entire population
of  Europe  (ABC  estimate).   Ocean  sets  up a giant ski slope inside the
stadium  (although, strangely, it neglects to actually show any new games),
which  does  massive  trade,  with  only Storm's launch party for its Daily
Sport  Lots Of Totally Naked Girls Dancing Around Suggestively With Bananas
licence boasting longer queues.
 
Disappointment  reigns  however,  when  the  astonishing traffic congestion
around  the  stadium  prevents  the  car  bringing the completed version of
Lemmings II from reaching the show.  Allegedly.
 
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                                 DECEMBER
 
Psygnosis finally releases Lemmings II.  In a bizarre marketing tie-up, the
game only runs on the new A999 Amiga, a state-of-the-art update of the A950
capable   of   independant   intelligent   thought,   displaying   graphics
indistinguishable   from  real  life,  producing  orchestra-quality  sound,
abolishing world poverty and making excellent spaghetti bolognese with just
the right amount of Parmesan cheese.
 
The world beating new machine is actually to be given away free with copies
of  Lemmings  II,  but  unfortunately won't run any other Amiga software at
all.   The  9  million members of The Mothers Of The Disappeared rise up en
masse,  overthrow  the  entire  world,  and  install  Sir Clive Sinclair as
President of the Universe.  Street Fighter III comes out.  It's exactly the
same as Street Fighter II.
 
Everyone, for no obvious reason, lives happily ever after.
 
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Funny text...somebody really has some sense of humour ;)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy