From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'Krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Hello
Date: 21 Jan 93 09:42:40 CST
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

In article <C0xFH3.14n@twwells.com>, anon-1561@twwells.com (Snow with Sun)
writes:
>**** Possible mild spoilers ****
>I don't know what really requires warning.  That one is mostly just
>bad-mood stuff, okay?

Warnings are used for whatever you might think is approperiate.  I generally
put them on whenever I post from that "safe spot", regardless of contents.  But
that's just me.  :)
                                                  
>This group doesn't talk about "lurkers" in a mean
>way (as some do), so without feeling pressured I
>thought I would say hello.  I react poorly to
>pressure, I'm learning, and that seems to be why
>I'm having trouble working.

Welcome to asar!  If I can help, if only to lend an ear, my Email box is open
24 hours, and I generally get replies off shortly after this system receives
them.  (Only now with the Email problems I seem to be having... Argh...)

><Deleted for bandwidth>
>My SO has disturbing memories of being very
>uncomfortable when she had to sleep in the same
>bed with her father, on family trips or on
>visitation stayovers.  She doesn't say that she
>was actually abused.  It seems to me it's pretty
>abusive in some way to make your daughter crawl
>into bed with you when she doesn't want to.  The
>father had plenty of money, this wasn't sheer
>necessity.

I'd agree that it sounds like it *MAY* be cruel.  But then again, it does
depend on circumstances as well.  (IE:  I have a friend who is raising a son,
and for the first couple years of his life he had to share a bed with his mom -
due to economic necessity.  This is *NOT* abuse in and of itself.  Given the
circumstances surrounding the case you describe, it may be though.)

><Deleted>
>The mother felt bad that she hadn't known about or
>hadn't prevented this abuse, and has started some
>therapy for her own concerns about this.  However,
>the mother won't say that she believes her
>daughter over her son, won't reject the brother in
>any way.  That's what the sister really wants to
>see, I think, and why she's still not happy with
>the mother.  The abusive brother is the biggest
>success of all the children in career terms, and
>has just been elected to public office.  (I detest
>his politics, by the way.)  During the election
>campaign, my SO kept on saying that her sister
>should come forward and make a public accusation
>and create a scandal for the brother to deal with
>politically.  Her sister didn't do that -- wisely,
>I think -- no reason to be pushed into more
>confrontation than she's ready for.

Personally, I would have cheered loudly if she stepped forward at that point. 
But, as you say, it does no one any good to step forward before they're ready.
Perhaps by the time he runs for re-election...  :)

><Deleted>
>No, there was no transition into that paragraph.
>I realized that I was avoiding talking about
>myself, so I just jumped.  I said "high school"
>about that suicide attempt, but it was 9th grade,
>administratively "freshman year of high school"
>but actually the last year of junior high -- it
>was a 6-3-3.  My god, this was so long ago, how
>can I be fussing over these details!?  Later, in
>real high school, I set fire in trash barrels, and
>also did some self-mutilation cutting.  There are
>scars still visible on my wrist, but I know *that*
>time it was a gesture, I wasn't really trying to
>hit a vein or anything.  I can't too clearly see
>the scars on the back of my forearm, though I can
>bring them out by rubbing.  That was (obviously)
>also not a real suicide attempt, but it was a lot
>of blood, and some pain, and both of those were
>intended.

Some of what you describe may not be a suicide attempt, but it definately
qualfies as cutting!  Personally, I think cutting is a valid approach to
dealing with stuff, so long as it remains an occasional thing.  (And I'm
probably going to be yelled at for saying that...)

>This repeated over most of a year. .... and
>stopped.

Good!

><Deleted>
>Maybe I should not be reading this group.  It's
>years since I've so frequently felt like looking
>at my scars and wondering if I'm regressing and
>want to do that again.

If you're worried about regressing, I'd say that this is definately a good time
to be reading asar!

<><><><><><>
Krikket                      ---  krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us
anon-1214@twwells.com        ---  an294@anon.penet.fi
#include<std.disclaimers>    ---  #include<sig.virus>

Just another commentary on the sad state of affairs in our world today.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery