From: lauraf@spike.Jpl.Nasa.Gov (Laura Floom)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Baby's Last Name
Date: 26 Aug 92 22:16:53 GMT
Organization: Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, CA

In article <1992Aug26.213400.21685@src.honeywell.com> jgelhaus@src.honeywell.com (Jennifer Gelhaus) writes:
>
>I have another question resulting from this. In the case that my boyfriend and
>I don't stay together but the baby has been given his surname, one person (Lynette
>Atwood) said that it might be easier for me to collect child support but another
>(Mike Nelson) said it might be easier for him to get custody. Yikes! Anyone know
>anything about this or have opinions?
>

Well, I used to be a member of a Single Mothers Support Group (Single Mothers
by Choice), and here are some of the things I learned from talking to the other
moms, and some real life scenarios that happened to the women in the group. This
is all California based info.

I will start out with something a family friend, who is a lawyer specializing
in Family Law. I was tlaking to her about the options of having a known person
father my child. I wasnt sure how much (if any) participation I wanted from him.
She said it really wasnt up to me. I could decide if I wanted support payment
or not (assuming he wouldnt be a scoff-law), and he decided if he wanted to be
active in the childs life. She said she was starting to see (this was 5 years ago)
a lot of cases where a man was trying to get custody/visitation rights of his child.
She was also seeing a lot of cases where a man was trying to prove he was the father
of a child - but that doesnt apply to you. I suspect that giving the child the
fathers name will have no baring on the support issue, since he is the father, and
i assume he has already claimed paternity. I also dont think it will make much
difference for custody. If either of these matters come up and you and the father
are in disagreement, it would probably go to family court, and I doubt the baby's
name would be too important compared to all the other issues.

More important a guideline for deciding custory battles is how much interest has
the non-custodial parent shown in the child. A man cant disappear from a childs
life for a few years, and then want custody. A court wont take that suit very
seriously unless there are extenuating circumstances.

Here are some stories -

A woman in my group did use a known father. He wasnt terribly interested in being
a father. She didnt ask anything of him in the way of support, and the father 
saw the child only once. But, the woman really did want her child to have a known
father (as opposed to a sperm donor), and she wanted the fathers name on the birth
certificate. The child did hvae her last name. When the child was about 5, she
wanted to take a vacation in another country. This meant having a passport for
the son. Well, surprise - you cant get a passport for a child unless both parents
sign. If only one parent is on the birth certificate then just the one parent will
suffice. She had to find this man, who wasnt very thrilled to see her after so many
years. He refused to sign for the passport, but agrred to have his name removed
from the birth certificate. It was a mess.

This is more on the issue of custody. A friend of mine couldnt have a child on her
own, and couldnt afford an adoption. She ended up being the foster mother for a 4
month old girl. The mother (a prostitute and drug addict) relinquished rights soon
after the baby was born, and the baby went to her father (the pimp and also
drug addict). The father decided to turn his life around and care for his daughter.
But, he just couldnt stay off drugs, so at 4 months the baby was given to my friend
to care for. Shana is now 5 years old, and still with my friend. She is trying to
adopt her, but the father wont give up his rights, and still has supervised 
visits every two weeks. The court is ready to terminate his all (or most) of his
rights, allowing my friend to either adopt or become legal guardian (which means
he would still get visitation  rights). Here is the odd part of the story - hte
father is black, the mother is white, and the little girl does not look like she
could have been a product of these parents. I finally asked my friend about this.
She says that many people have doubted that Shana's father is her biological
father, but it doesnt matter. He is on the birth certificate, and has accepted
his role as her father all these years. The biological issue in this case is
irrelevant. 

The point of this *long* posting is just to point out the sort of complicated issues
that come up in custody issues.

Laura Floom
Newsgroups: misc.kids