From: mar@physics.su.OZ.AU (David Mar)
Subject: New Year Pizza Party
Organization: School of Physics, University of Sydney, Australia
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 00:38:41 GMT

Things are a little quiet in Callahan's Place after the hustle and bustle
of the Christmas period. Mike has washed all the glasses which were used
for eggnog and then not tossed into the fireplace. The various decorations
have been removed, and the remaining patrons not away visiting family or
friends are sitting around in a generally relaxed and comfortable manner.

Things are about to change, however....

kitten saunters in, carrying what appears to be a short-wave radio in one
hand and a large hessian bag in the other. She places the radio on the
bartop, where Mike gives it no more than a cursory glance before turning
back to polishing glasses. Then she vanishes into the Folks Room with the
bag.

She emerges a few minutes later, transformed into a mermaid. (What's that?
You want to know how a mermaid travels through the bar? She _swims_, of
course!) She moves to the radio, fiddles with the controls for a few
seconds, then turns to face the bewildered patrons.

"hi everyone. way back when Danger Mouse started writing this post, he
was having problems with his news server, but as you have no doubt noticed,
he is now back here with us. however, he didn't want to spoil such a fun
introduction, so he is off in the folks room pretending not to be here.
now, what he'd originally planned for me to say next was that:
he promised he'd host the New Year's Pizza Party, so we've arranged the
next best thing to him being here in person."

"G'day folks!" the radio blares with DM's voice, "Welcome to the first
ever Callahan's _Remote_Control_ New Year's Pizza Party!"

At this, Mike pulls a discreet lever and the Place is transformed. Dappled
bottle-green filters cover the light fittings, bathing the bar in mottled
pools of light and shade. A medium weight net drops from the rafters,
hanging just above the heads of the tallest patrons. Suspended in it are
large globes of blown glass, smoky brown or deep green. A length of heavy
chain lowers an enormous, barnacle-encrusted anchor to the floor in one
corner. A shiny brass barometer appears by the counterclock. A layer of
golden sand appears on the floor in the area around the hot tub. The
potplants by the window now resemble a kelp forest more than a spray of
palms, and the window itself now looks like a porthole in the side of a
rusting wall of black metal. A huge metal-banded wooden treasure chest is
to one side, near the slowly opening shell of a giant clam.

Mike turns around to face his customers; he has also transformed. He now
sports a flowing white beard, a crown of coral atop his head, verdigrised
copper armbands, a bare chest, and a rather impressive brass trident.

"As Lord of this Realm," he booms, "I declare the party begun!"

Cheers go up from the patrons, some of whom immediately rush off to change
into appropriately nautical costumes for the setting.

"Thank you, Mike," DM's voice emanates from the radio again. "VAX, could
you get the essential equipment, please?"

The automated vacuum cleaning machine dutifully trundles over to a storage
area and pulls out a large mechanical contraption, positioning it in the
centre of the bar.

"For those of you who arrived here recently," explains DM, "this is
Nicarra's Virtual Pizza Machine, or VPM. She introduced it exactly two
years ago, at the first Callahan's New Year's Pizza Party. It put in good
service then, as well as at last year's party, and now it's back for this
year. Nicarra herself is unfortunately ABEND right now, en route from
various locales North American back to her home in Townsville, Australia.
But in the true sprit of the Place, we'll remember her as we continue
the tradition she began - by partying on!

"The VPM, as you can see, is equipped with various knobs, dials, and Das
Blinkenlights. But the simplest way to control it is by voice command. It
will happily produce any food item which consists of a filling, stuffing
or topping, held together by some form of pastry, wrapping or base. Thus,
you can order, among other things, pies, calzones, pasties and, of course,
pizzas!

"To demonstrate: VPM, can I have an ice cream pizza, please?"

The VPM flashes a few lights, then bleeps happily as a large round slab
emerges from an opening. kitten takes the pizza and places it in the
refrigerator to keep.

"That's for yue-shun," DM says, "who couldn't be here, but wanted us to
save an ice cream pizza for him.

"Now, some people tinkered with the VPM after Nicarra brought it here, so
that now it is also able to produce any food which begins with the letter
'p'. Since this also fits pizza, that seems to be okay.

"So, on this New Year's Eve, and the beginning of the year 1993, let's
have some fun! Change into something appropriate - we are having an
undersea ball - and order your favourite foods from the VPM. Last year
everybody told us their choice for an ideal pizza topping combination.
The one or two non-pizza-lovers also managed to get something delicious,
so don't feel left out if in that category.

"Mike! Champagne for those who wish it, and free choice for those who
don't. A New Year full of promise and excitement awaits! Party ***ON***!"

- Danger Mouse
with help from and thanks to kitten.

"Ha ha!!!!" a familiar voice booms out from the Folks Room, "Just when
you thought I'd finished!"

Danger Mouse emerges, dressed in what can only be described as a squid
costume... lots of waving tentacles... but a grinning DM face looking
out from amidst them. He walks (jets?) over to Mary Merrytail.

"You almost gave the game away... mentioning the party before kitten
and I were ready, but you're forgiven."

DM demonstrates why he chose such an outlandish costume... ten arms with
which to hug people!! He welcomes back Kateri and Toothpick in similar
manner.

"Okay, VPM, I'd like to start with a pizza with _everything_! The more
toppings the better."

He glides over to the VPM and starts munching a slice of his pizza.
"Yum! C'mon folks, join in!"

- Danger Mouse.