HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: brownea@cc.uvcc.edu
Subject: Re: what is love? (my $0.02)
Organization: Utah Valley Community College
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 19:30:18 GMT

In article <1ghca1INNkpn@agate.berkeley.edu>, bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan) writes:
> 	You can give all the love you want, to all the people you
> want, but what if you want something, some small token of
> appreciation in return?  Love is given freely, is it wrong to expect
> something in return?  Or am I just missing the point? :(
	_I_ think it's wrong to _expect_ something back.  Not, however, to hope
for something.

> 	Oh, and how do you tell the people you love that they are
> important to you, when your (plural) definitions of love is
> different, and that you didn't realize there was such
> miscommunication until too late. (how to remedy?)
	If you're still together, realizing that there's a problem in the
signals is most of the battle (my experience with just this problem).  Then you
have to care enough to work it out - no matter how painful it is.  For me, I
need outside suggestions, so we're going to counseling.  It helps a lot to get
the point of view from somebody who sees our kind of problems consistently on a
professional basis.

|===   You have no choice in the matter, so you may as well give in   ===|
|===   and just be yourself.                                          ===|
From: msheldon@luna.dpl.scg.hac.com (Marti Sheldon)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How do you win someone back.
Date: 19 Dec 92 00:16:50 GMT


Forget it. Accept that he is not interested.  I know that sounds 
harsh, but if he isn't interested, trying desperately to "win
him back" will only upset both of you.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: argent@iastate.edu (The Great Grendel-Khan)
Subject: Re: The Scariest Words In The World?
Keywords: AIEEEEGH!
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames, IA
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 20:16:56 GMT

In article <1992Dec11.143844.28917@csd.uwe.ac.uk> pa_ross@csd.uwe.ac.uk (Mr Rossy) writes:
>>		"Let's Just Be Friends"
>
>The worst by FAR is :-
>
>                 "I'm pregnant and it's yours !"
>
>    That scares me !


How about:
		  "Let's get married."




-- 
The Great Grendel-Khan,  | They called me the fool, they called me the child
Earth Rim Roamer.        | I found an angel of the night;
                         | The voice was low, the look was bright.
argent@iastate.edu       | She looked upon my crown and smiled. -Tennyson-
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: what is love? (my $0.02)
Keywords: love
Date: 14 Dec 92 18:59:38 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1ghca1INNkpn@agate.berkeley.edu> bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan) writes:
[ replying to Heather's philosopy ]
>However, a few questions:
>	You can give all the love you want, to all the people you
>want, but what if you want something, some small token of
>appreciation in return?  Love is given freely, is it wrong to expect
>something in return?  Or am I just missing the point? :(
>
You shouldn't expect anything in return unless you are in a 
committed relationship. You should enjoy it when someone 
returns the favor, but you shouldn't expect them too.

I think of it as though I am dealing with a small child --
you don't treat a small child well in hopes that it will
return the favor.

>	Oh, and how do you tell the people you love that they are
>important to you, when your (plural) definitions of love is
>different, and that you didn't realize there was such
>miscommunication until too late. (how to remedy?)
>
Well, for my part, I know what I think is part of a committed 
relationship, and what is not. If I don't want to get into a 
committed relationship, I treat the woman the same as I would
treat her if we were both in committed relationships with other
people. Usually, also, I would want to reduce any sexual overtones
(flirting and such) if I thought someone might misinterpret my
affection as a suggestion that we should get together in a 
relationship. I think it is easy to tell non-sexual love from
sexual love. So the only hard part is if you have ambiguous
feelings about the other person, which happens all the time.


Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: deb@spectra.eng.hawaii.edu (David Barrett)
Subject: Re: Save Me!
Organization: University of Hawaii, Dept. of Electrical Engineering
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 20:03:18 GMT

In article <1992Dec15.011048.20309@netcom.com> marcia@netcom.com (Marcia) writes:
>In article <0096505A.E137AF00@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>>(Unrelated)  Doesn't anyone believe in love at first sight anymore?  This is
>>supposed to be the *romance* group, and I was wondering.  Is there no passion
>>left in the world anymore?
>
>Romance and passion are not the exclusive province of infatuation, which is
>what "love at first sight" is. For at first sight, all you know about a person
>is what s/he looks like - you don't know the rest of the person. And how can
>you love what you do not know?

It is not a simple physical attraction.  The outter physical features are
shaped by our habits and inner personality.  An attraction to someone is 
recognizing the inner essense reflected in the display of the outter self.
A notice of the little familiar gestures like the walk, talk and turn of the
head, the way of reacting to simple situations, courtesty, style of clothes,
expressions of delight, anger and surprise, happy and sad.  We like the Sun
not because it is yellow and round, but because it gives warmth.  We like 
certain people because they strike in each one of us a feeling of either 
"yes" or "no".  What comes after is learning to deal with the differences
and adjusting to the other's presence and influence.  The feeling comes
first, the work comes second and the real love comes with the positive results. 


>>All this talk about companionship seems kind of dull.  I'll take a rapid
>>heartbeat any day!
>

Great for a beginning and special moments along the way but if constant
will burn brightly and be gone.  This sounds like thrill enjoyment instead
of love.  Real love is wanting to share even the dull moments.  If you look
carefully some of those dull ones they can have some very interesting thrilling
moments :-).



dB
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: ...Guy That Makes Them Laugh?NOW: Accepting love, eyes, etc.
From: rcbi110@marshall.wvnet.edu
Date: 18 Dec 92 14:07:57 -0500
Organization: Marshall University


>>Is it just me, or do a lot of guys think that "aw, no girl would want to
>>bother with my problems."
> 
>   That's because it's quite true, at least for _girls_.  Girls want to have
> fun, and anything that reduces that fun for one instand MUST be removed---that
> includes your romantic involvement if need be.  Women, however, are more
> realistic---most women realize that life is some fun, some misery--and you
> can't LJBF or dump someone whenever they have some misery.

I guess my original point wasn't clear - I was trying to say that the
shortcoming was in _myself_.  More often than not, I have a hard time
believing that a girl/woman could care about me or my problems.  Not
because I'm cynical or anyhting like that, but it just won't sink in.
I have a pretty giving nature.  Maybe subconsciously I feel guilty about
receiving affection or something.  Not guilty, that's not it.  It's more
like it just doesn't FIT or something.  Odd, eh?


>   I think it's because the eyes are very expressive.  And they're also probably
> the most beautiful part of the body.  If you don't believe me, consider these
> descriptions:

Beautiful, yes without a doubt.  I'm talking more along the lines of "spirit"
You know, some people claim they can tell when someone is lying, because of
something "in their eyes", stuff like that.  Not just facial expressions, but
someone's actual SELF, their spirit.  I haven't had the experience of being
able to detect this like some people say they can.

((   ||  /\\ \\  / /\\  ((      R. Alan Monroe       ((   STOP             ((
 )) _// /--\\ \\/ /--\\  )) rcbi110@muvms3.wvnet.edu  ))  TALKING...        ))
((              _       ((                           ((       START        ((
 ))  ||  /\\  //  ||_/   ))    Pinkwater Rules!       ))      CHALKING!     ))
((  _// /--\\ \\_ || \  ((            :^)            ((               -CMB ((

Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: barry@netcom.com (Kenn Barry)
Subject: Re: Alt.romance- the >nice< people
Organization: QQQCLC
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 16:40:07 GMT

In article <JMD.92Dec11130428@lion.bear.com> jmd@bear.com (Josh Diamond) writes:
>I think that the rhetoric has gotten a bit out of hand here, 
>and I'd like to clamp it down to what is really going on.

	Ah, the Real Truth, eh?

>Put succinctly: The original post showed up for me as an annoying,
>sexist, suckup.

	Then you need to relax.

>Yes men and women are different,
>and most of us are "wired" to be sexually attracted to the opposite
>gender.  But that is no reason to describe half of the human
>population as the "fairer sex" -- turning them into objects to be
>adored and looked at, as opposed to human beings with the same desire
>for life and happiness as the rest.

	Yeah, you _definitely_ need to relax.

>I propose that we leave it here.

	That's 'cause you still don't get it.

						Kayembee
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Romantic Relationships and Friendships
Date: 15 Dec 92 14:03:38 GMT
Organization: BNR Europe Ltd, London Road, Harlow, England.
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.199.202.41

In article <1992Dec15.005222.17799@netcom.com> marcia@netcom.com (Marcia) writes:
>In article <1992Dec12.192722.16084@CSD-NewsHost.Stanford.EDU> kchin@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Ken H Chin) writes:

[Stuff munged]

>It's been my experience that when I'm going to get involved with someone on
>more than a casual basis, that recognition of "something more" was there almost
>right from the start. At times, nothing was done about it, either because of
>timing, other committments, etc. But the "chemistry" (oh no, here come the
>flames) has usually been evident.

Can you say a bit more about this "chemistry" stuff, Marcia? I think some
of my problems (and maybe others') lies in the area of the mysterious
"chemistry". 

Is it a euphemism for "animal lust" or other such basic instincts, or do
you think it is some higher-level emotional link? Is it just body language 
or some unspoken communication? Pheronomes? (Now we're *talking* chemistry!)

I'm interested because there's this one woman I know whom I clearly feel
Major Chemical Reactions for, but it isn't returned in kind. It is an
ex-close friendship, and whilst there are many things I know about the
person that I like, many I dislike; I don't think it's love, but there's
*something* powerful still there. A strong desire on my part. I call it 
"chemistry", but what do you and others think about the general issue of
"chemistry"?

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: st921751n@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
Subject: Re: Forgiveness Question
Reply-To: st921751n@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 19:40:10 GMT

what is fake sex or net. sex?
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,alt.romance.chat
From: rip@sequent.com (Paul T Taylor)
Subject: Re: More, Do Not try this at home .....
Organization: Sequent Computer Systems, Inc.
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 19:48:23 GMT

In article <1992Dec17.175639.15221@watson.ibm.com> margoli@watson.IBM.com writes:
>In <1992Dec17.143018.21193@sequent.com> rip@sequent.com (Paul T Taylor) writes:
>> I truss blade as far as I can throw him!
>
>Let me get this straight - you wrap a rope around him, then throw him?
>Is that how he unwinds?  Or, (to put a different spin on this), does this
>mean that you top him?
>--
>Larry Margolis, MARGOLI@YKTVMV (Bitnet), margoli@watson.IBM.com (Internet)

Very good!  I like that!!  :-) No, actually what I do is give him a
running headstart, and then lasso him....  But I will try to top him
next time I see him.....

rip
-- 
Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant
intelligence.
                -- Henrik Tikkanen
Organization: University of Maine System
Date: Monday, 14 Dec 1992 18:19:45 EST
From: World Leader <IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: How do you win someone back.

If any of you have succeeded at this, let me know how you
did it!!!  I've tried expensive gifts and everything.  I am
at the end of my rope.  I was going to be married to my man in
April...I love him dearly.

Andie.
From: keithg@cnmhnet.UUCP (keith garrard)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: My wife's first visit to her OB doctor was scary...
Date: 15 Dec 92 23:09:19 GMT
Organization: California-Nevada Methodist Homes

In article <Bz931I.10F@news.cso.uiuc.edu> fippen@ux2.cso.uiuc.edu (J. Fippen) writes:
> 	The year was 1949 and we were just married. These were wonderful 
>times which are to be remembered forever. Emotions were at their highest, and 
>right. Love has given me the power to do many things, and love can do the 
>same thing for you.
>		Bye now.   John Fippen

Oh, Alright, I'm going to say it.  Is this guy great or what???
I can't help it.  I like what this guy has to say.  This was a
great story, and beautifully written.  Look at the first two
lines, and the last two lines.  A great beginning, and a great
ending.  This guy ought to write romance novels.  
Thank you, John.  Keep more stories coming.  I like to read
what you have to say.  
--Keith

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: marcia@netcom.com (Marcia)
Subject: Re: forgiveness
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 01:23:52 GMT

In article <adwright.724353386@vincent1.iastate.edu> adwright@iastate.edu () writes:
>Infidelity is not abuse? Has it ever happened to you? Were you ever cheated
>on by someone who was everything to you? Depression, mood swings, weight 
>loss, lonliness, inability to concentrate at work. Anybody out there
>that can relate to that? No, my friend, infidelity can destroy, it can
>be one of the worst forms of abuse. I would rather have both arms broken,
>the healing process would be far quicker.

I think we're being a little too free with the word "abuse" here. Infidelity
*hurts*, especially if that's what you were promised. It removes the trust.
It changes things forever. But is it abuse? Would you consider your partner's
committing embezzlement and getting caught abuse? It could have *exactly* the
same results. So could a death in the family.

I don't want to trivialize some people's reaction to this kind of betrayal.
But that's what I'd call it: betrayal, not abuse.
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                  ADDRESSES: marcia@netcom.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."                                     mlb@cisco.com
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: thom@cac.washington.edu (Thom Roholt)
Subject: Re: Hands through hair, NOT A SIGN.
Organization: UW Networks and Distributed Computing
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 16:54:53 GMT

In article <UfAFOvK00iUyA2zixx@andrew.cmu.edu> "Stephen M. Lacy" 
<sl31+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:
>Excerpts from netnews.alt.romance: 16-Dec-92 Re: Complete
>stangers/frien.. by Davis@po.cwru.edu 
>> >hands through her hair at least 2-3 times during the class.  I don't want
>
>This is the biggest and most troublesome hangup I've heard that girls
>have with guys.  Here's the explanation: For some reason guys think that
>its really sexy and an 'invitation' if I could call it that, when a girl
>runs her hands through her hair.  Well, let me tell you something: it
>usually means nothing at all.  I've never had my hair as long as I have
>it right now (bangs reach bottom of my nose -- they used to be about 1"
>long)  and I find myself running my hands through my hair all the time,
>just because its there, and becuase it gets in the way a lot.  So,
>imagine what its like to be a girl where your hair hangs down to your
>shoulders, well, its gonna get annoying, and you're going to want it out
>of the way, and you'll run your hand through your hair just to do that.

Yeah, but what if she has the Sinead O'Conner style, and still does it? 
I've had my head shaved and it may scratch but I didn't run my fingers
through it. :>

Thom

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Subject: Net-Chemistry
Reply-To: oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Organization: Montana State University
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 1992 22:17:16 GMT

Did anyone save any of the recent posts from people who'd met over the net?
Y'know, sizzled the email lines, met and liked/didn't like each other?  I
remember in particular one woman who'd met her future husband over the net...

I didn't save any of them, because I said to myself, "oh, no, nothing 
like that could ever happen to me..."

Paybacks are hell.  Can anyone help?  I'm looking for brief synopses only,
really.

Thanks,
Cheryl  oopcv@trex.oscs.montana.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,alt.romance.chat,talk.bizzarre
From: epperson@pop.stat.purdue.edu (Mary)
Subject: Re: More, Do Not try this at home .....
Organization: Purdue University Statistics Department
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 22:28:47 GMT

In article <1992Dec11.191651.10925@sequent.com> rip@sequent.com (Paul T Taylor) writes:
>>In <1g3krdINNcn4@rodan.UU.NET> dch@rodan.UU.NET (Dan C. Horner) writes:
>>>
>>>Oh, this is SOOOOOOO disgusting... What were you doing in drieux' doors
>>>while I was in drieux' doors ?
>>
>*Doors* man!  *Doors!* I wouldn't go near drieux's drawers with a 20
>foot, stainless steel, ionized pole!
>
>Notme! Huh uh!  No siree!!

But you never Blade's question, Rip!!  What were *you* doing in
drieux' doors??  Besides swinging the light fixture that is... :-)

Too bad Liz wasn't there with her KillerCamera...I swear I was seeing
lights for *far* too long after Saturday night.  Can you see straight
yet Blade? *grin*

And the ride *to* the party Saturday was fun too...6 people in a
2-door...not only is this illegal it's unSAFE!!  But fun (for a little
while).  Liz and I surrounded by 4 men...not bad, eh?? :-)

Too bad we didn't have a video camera at the party...Liz read some
very interesting results from the CosmoSurvey...*verrrry interesting*
*giggle*  Just *where* do they FIND these people, anyway??

'member Blade??

Mary
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@nuge114.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Forgiveness Question
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 13:27:45 GMT

"Pamela J. Bernhardt" <pb2i+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:


>With all this talk about forgiveness, I have a lot of questions in my head.
>a) What exactly are you forgiving?
>Unfaitfulness Which is what?
>Is it being with another person instead of your SO?

  Personally, I see it as having sustained romatic interest in someone other
than your SO.

>Is it enjoying someone else's company who happens to be of the relevant gender.

  No---it's only when that casual interest becomes more than casual.

>If we're talking physical unfaithfulness, what is that?
>Is it a kiss?
>Is it a fondle?
>Is it intercourse?

 IMHO, physical unfaithfulness really depends on the intent.  There's nothing
wrong with a female friend kissing someone on the cheek.  I think that intent,
more than anything else, determines when someone is being unfaithful.

>Please define these terms, andthen I can give an opinion on whether or
>not a person should be forgiven etc.

  Well, if someone were unfaithful, the first thing I'd do is say "Is it my
fault or hers?"  If it were mine (indirectly---e.g. not paying enough attention
to her), then if anything, I should apologize to her for letting her down.
However, if it were her fault, then forgiveness would depend on how willing
she was to try to keep the relationship going, as well as how 'severe' the
physical unfaithfulness was---I could forgive a simple kiss MUCH more easily
than I could her having intercourse with another guy.
-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right
to say it."  - Voltaire.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Subject: Thanks (was Re: Hey! Jealousy!)
Organization: Youngstown State University/Youngstown Free-Net
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 23:32:04 GMT




With only 13 days until I see my sweetie in Heathrow Airport..
(yes, we are spending two weeks in the airport ;)



I just wanted to thank everyone who send me supportive
emails about me and the BIG GREEN EVIL GUY who possessed
me a bit ago...

I wanted to write to all of you, but working 12+ hour days
to get caught up at work before i go on holiday has taken
its toll... =(


Thanks tremendously...you all really made me feel much better,
and even more RATIONAL!  *shock*


have a great holiday all......


*hugs*

(especially to those distant-type Brits!)  ;)


Dawn
-- 
 ...Some day you will travel all the way from Vermont just
    to get your eyes chewed off by a dog....
 
      -- Deep Thoughts with Gleeep on A.R.
From: madjdsad@aludra.usc.edu (Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: The Scariest Words In The World?
Date: 11 Dec 1992 13:10:11 -0800
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: aludra.usc.edu
Keywords: AIEEEEGH!

In article <Bz430A.L6o@news.iastate.edu> argent@iastate.edu (The Great Grendel-Khan) writes:
>How about:
>		  "Let's get married."

I don't think so.  The scariest word by far is:

"No"
     when given after a proposal of marriage because before the proposal you
     are always scared that this will be the answer.

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: an2517@anon.penet.fi
Subject: Haloo
X-Anonymously-To: alt.romance
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 20:26:36 GMT

Just a test....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi.
Please note you _don't_ have to have an anon id to receive anonymous mail!
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: fsquared@eff.org (Fawn Fitter)
Subject: Fa La La
Summary: Most Romantic Xmas Present Ever
Originator: fsquared@eff.org
Keywords: Xmas
Organization: The Electronic Frontier Foundation
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 23:29:14 GMT

Okay, let's reminisce.....

What's the sappiest, gooiest, most out-and-out romantic Xmas gift you've
ever gotten?
From: burtt@cycvax.nscl.msu.edu (BRIAN BURTT)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: The Scariest Words In The World?
Date: 13 Dec 92 04:05:00 GMT
Organization: Michigan State University

>In article <1992Dec11.143844.28917@csd.uwe.ac.uk> pa_ross@csd.uwe.ac.uk (Mr Rossy) writes:
>>
>>The worst by FAR is :-
>>
>>                 "I'm pregnant and it's yours !"
>>
>>    That scares me !
Organization: NSCL Michigan State University
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    


	I would prefer that to a SO telling me "I'm pregnant, and it's
NOT yours."
	I've heard it happen.

--Brian Burtt
burtt@lynch.nscl.msu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance