Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian

Well, I'm back from the wedding in Bangalore.

Thank you to everyone who explained Chi. and Sow. to me, and sent me helpful
wedding-related advice - there were a LOT of you!  Many of you asked for
an after-the-visit update, so here goes.  (This is a LONG posting!)

First, here's a little background.  About two and a half years ago, I made
my second trip to India, spending 6 weeks in the South.  I met MANY 
wonderful people - that's my favorite part of traveling in India - and 
I stayed in contact with two of them.
   
     Meera (the bride):  I spent about a week hanging around with Meera
     and her family on that prior trip.  (I met them because someone on
     s.c.i.  sent me e-mail and told me to look them up!)  Meera lives
     in Bangalore.

     Sukanya:  I met Sukanya on the train from Bangalore to Madras.
     Her primary home is in Bangalore, but she also has a home in
     Madras.  She has a relative named Subashini, who works for
     Hewlett-Packard in Bangalore. I met Subashini when she came to
     the U.S. on business; we had fun together, eating, sightseeing,
     and shopping.

When I got an invitation to Meera's wedding, I decided to go if at all 
possible.  Since I was making last-minute arrangements, I could only get
limited time off work.  I was gone for 8 days - with transit time, that
gave me five days in India.  

Sukanya really made this whole trip work.  When I called to give her the
news, she *insisted* I would stay at her home.  She also said she'd take
care of getting me train tickets, and having someone meet me at the
airport. So I packed my carry-on bag with basic medical/personal care
supplies, some books for the plane/train rides, gifts for everyone, and
4 salwar kameez, and headed on out.  (I took a gold Cross pen as my
wedding gift.)

Well, I've never been so pampered and protected!  I knew I was in for a
different sort of trip when I was standing in line for Immigration at
Madras airport, at 10:30 at night, and I heard my name being paged!
Chandra, the woman who was meeting me (and who I'd never met before),
wanted to make sure we didn't miss each other - so she had me paged to
go to an information desk.  From there I was escorted to the office of
the airport Duty Assistant - a friend of Chandra's - where she was
waiting for me.  It was a joy to avoid the normal exit from Madras
airport - where you get dumped right out into the mass of people trying
to pounce on you (to take their taxi, or whatever).

Chandra and I (and the family members who had come along with her) went
to Sukanya's home in Madras, where I was provided with a Gold Spot and
bottled water before I curled up for a short night's sleep.  Just as I
was getting ready to turn in, the watchman's daughter brought me the
phone - Sukanya was calling from Bangalore to make sure I'd arrived OK.

The next morning (Thursday, August 20) Chandra picked me up early to
take me to the train station.  I had breakfast there (pongal and
coffee), got a string of flowers for my hair, and got on the early
morning train.  I had a seat in an air-con chair car; it was full, so I
was sure glad my ticket had been purchased in advance.  The ride was
uneventful, and I got into Bangalore in the early afternoon.  It was
nice and cool, a welcome relief.

Sukanya had determined that I ought to borrow a couple of her saris -
one for the wedding, and one for the party she was throwing on Saturday
night.  So we picked out the saris, and went to buy blouse material and
arrange to have the blouses made up.  We also did my one bit of
sight-seeing; per Chandra's suggestion, we went to see the Century Palm
at Lal Bagh.

Friday I got to visit Subashini, her husband, and their 3-month-old baby
Vashini.  They had just moved into their new home a week ago; I was the
first guest!  We spent hours catching up on news, playing with the baby,
and eating a huge, wonderful meal.  Of course, we also went through some
of their photo albums, including their wedding pictures.  Friday evening
Sukanya and I went to a dance performance; Vyjayantimala Bali was a joy
to watch.  I even got to go backstage at intermission to get a photo!

Part of the fun of these days was just seeing, and being a part of, everyday
family life.  I have great mental pictures of things like Sukanya's mother 
(a dear woman, who comes up to my shoulder and I'm not very tall) blow-drying
my hair in the morning after I'd washed it.  Of course, the food was a 
continuing pleasure; Sukanya always got a kick out of watching me eat
with my fingers, and even grabbed my camera at one point to get a picture
of me eating!  The late-night Carom games were fun, too.

On Saturday I finally visited the bride-to-be at her home; it was so nice
to see the whole family again.  Meera had mehndi on her hands and feet;
when I admired it, I got taken to visit Rika, the neighbor who'd done
it, and got my own hands and feet done.  (It STILL hasn't totally faded,
and I guess it will be weeks before my orange fingernails and toenails
grow out.)  Later on we all went to the Hotel Woodlands for the official
engagement ceremonies.  I was in the cottage with Meera, her friends and
(female) family, watching/helping her get all decked out in a fantastic
sari and headwear.

I had to leave all of this excitement early, to return for Sukanya's
party.  She'd *told* me it was a small dinner party to celebrate her
son's graduation - in actuality, it was a party for her 25th wedding
anniversary!  The blouses had been picked up, and a cousin was recruited
to wrap the sari for me (and put in a few pins for security).  We drank
Indian champagne and Bailey's Irish Cream and had a delicious buffet dinner
at tables set out on the front lawn.  (We were lucky - it didn't rain that
evening, although we had rain off and on throughout my stay.)  I got to
meet lots of friends and family - it seemed that every time I turned
around, Sukanya was introducing me to someone new.  Another favorite
memory will always be the end of the evening, with just family members
left, when we started dancing to Western rock music (the latest Dire
Straits album will always remind me of India) in the front room.
I think I got to bed around 2:00 AM!  The only sad part was that my
camera got stolen.  (Like a dummy, I left it laying out in plain view
in the room I was using, not realizing that besides family and friends,
there would be caterers coming in and out of the house.  Oh well, I guess
this means it was time to get a new camera!  I just wish I hadn't lost
the film, about 20 shots worth.  For the rest of the time, I borrowed
Sukanya's camera, so I did still get some good wedding pictures.)

The next morning, the same cousin was again recruited for sari duty;
she also plaited my hair, and tucked in a beautiful rose.  When I
arrived at Hotel Woodlands, I first was escorted into the dining hall
for breakfast.  After this, I joined Meera and her friends/family in the
cottage for a while - they had stayed there overnight - and then went
out to catch the ceremonies.  It started outside, with things like
tossing those big flower garlands over each other's heads, and sitting
together on a swing while various activities went on around them.  Of
course, the three musicians were much in evidence throughout all of
this.  It was again a beautiful sunny day - very fortunate.

After a while, the ceremonies moved indoors.  The bridal couple and
various family members (and a few friends) were up on the stage, the
rest of us sat in the audience.  It stuck me how different this all
was from a Western wedding - like how everyone carried on all sorts
of conversations throughout the whole thing, quite unlike the quiet
solemn feel of a Western wedding.  

After an hour and a half, the ceremonies were over.  We all went on
stage to wish the couple well.  I had corresponded with the bridegroom
for a while by e-mail, while he worked for a company with access to
the net - but we'd never met before, and it was nice to get a chance,
however brief, to say hello.  (I had fully realized before I went that
everyone associated with the wedding would be busy, and wouldn't have
much time to spend with me.  As it was, Meera kept worrying that I'd
be neglected, and tried to make sure someone was looking after me all
the time - I tried to tell her to quit worrying, but to no avail.)

Then it was on to lunch, served on banana leaves, naturally.  (The only
special thing I asked for was a bottled drink - I got a Pepsi, which was
strange after prior visits where ThumbsUp, Gold Spot, and Limca were the
rule - since I do make a point of not drinking plain old unboiled tap
water.) 

Later that day, after returning from the festivities, I went to visit
Sukanya's next door neighbors, who I'd met the night before.  Sukanya
also gave me a sari to take home, and the sari-draping cousin gave me a
brief lesson - my pitiful attempts amused her no end, but I could
probably stumble through it on my own if I had to - with
far-from-perfect pleats, though.

Saying good-bye the next morning was sad, but there was a train to
be caught.  When I got to Madras, Sukanya's watchman and his daughter
met my train, and took me back to the house.  It was quite hot, and
except for a brief walk around the neighborhood I just relaxed at the
house.  (The daughter went across the street to the hotel to get me a
dosa and a Limca.)  I also got visitors - Sukanya's business manager,
the watchman's daughter, all her kids - and some other kids that came
from who knows where.  I wound up doing a big give-away of the little
odds and ends I carry for just such a situation - pens, postcards, etc.
My favorite was the kazoos - one little girl caught on to how it works
quite quickly, and the others figured it out in time, so I got to listen
to kazoos for the rest of the afternoon.

In the evening, Chandra came over to take me back to the airport.
She stayed around until I got my seat assignment and had been handed
over to the care of the Duty Assistant.  He, in turn, made sure I was
well taken care of until it was time to go through the security checkpoint.
A few hours later - after a delay of an hour or so, because of the heavy
storm that hit that night - my plane took off and I was on my way home.

Again, thanks to everyone for their advice and good wishes.


Jeri Dansky
jeri@spd.hp.com
work phone: 415 857-7228
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian