From: dmmooney@lion.waterloo.edu (Dave Mooney)
Newsgroups: talk.politics.misc,soc.singles,soc.men,soc.women,alt.flame
Subject: What's your KQ?
Summary: Are you Ted Kaldis?  Do you play him on television?
Date: 27 Jul 92 19:33:19 GMT
Reply-To: dmmooney@lion.waterloo.edu (Dave Mooney)
Organization: U. of Waterloo, Ontario

There's a little bit of Ted Kaldis in all of us.  The amount varies, of
course, but before now, it was impossible to tell exactly how close one
came to achieving a complete state of Kaldisdom.  This has now changed,
because by taking this simple test, you can calculate your Kaldis Quotient
(KQ), which tells you just how close you are to becoming the official
Idiot of the Net [tm].

dave

--- Cut here -------------------------------------------------- Cut here ---

                    The USENET Kaldis Quotient Test


Please answer all questions.  Use an HB pencil.

I.  Heroes.  Please answer yes or no.
    I agree with the opinions of the following people:

    ___  George Gilder                  ___  William van der Zalm
    ___  Dan Quayle                     ___  Joey Coors
    ___  Jesse Helms                    ___  Pat Robertson
    ___  Ed Anger                       ___  Lyndon Larouche
    ___  Don Cherry                     ___  Michael Friedman

II.  Anti-heroes.  Please answer yes or no.
    I disagree with the opinions of the following people:

    ___  Mohandas Ghandi                ___  Jello Biafra
    ___  Michael Dukakis                ___  Martin Luther King
    ___  Masters and Johnson            ___  Rev. Ivan Stang
    ___  Noam Chomsky                   ___  Anybody from Canada
    ___  Jesse Jackson                  ___  Woodie Guthrie

III.  Multiple choice.  Choose the most appropriate answer from each question.

    1.  The term most people use to describe me is:
    ___   a. intellectual  b. "Hey, you!"  c. bigot  d. idiot

    2.  When attending a political rally, I like to:
    ___   a. hold up a placard  b. listen to the speeches  c. do the wave
          d. cause a disruption

    3.  When someone posts an article with which I disagree, I:
    ___   a. post an response based on research performed by a respected
          expert in the field  b. ignore the article  c. post a flame
          d. post 78 pages of plagiarized commentary by George Gilder

    4.  When bored, I like to:
    ___   a. go to church  b. collect stamps  c. form organizations for
          homophobics  d. post inflammatory articles

    5.  I post articles based on information acquired from:
    ___   a. _Z_ magazine  b. Encyclopaedia Britannica  c. obscure
          Australian newspapers  d. The National Enquirer

    6.  My preferred way of getting money in gay bars is by:
    ___   a. saying "Hello there, big boy!"  b. passing around a hat
          c. selling condoms  d. waving around a tire iron

    7.  My view on premarital sex is:
    ___   a. anybody, anywhere, anytime  b. as long as it's between
          consenting adults, it's OK  c. it's immoral  d. "If she wants
          it bad enough, I'm going to have a hard time saying no."

    8.  My favourite author is:
    ___   a. Michael Harrington  b. Charles Dickens  c. Franklin W Dixon
          d. George Gilder

    9.  The size of my .sig file, in lines, is:
    ___   a. I don't use .sig files  b. 2  c. 4  d. 6 or more

    10. My view on Christianity is:
    ___   a. I disagree with it  b. I think that a person's religion is
          a personal matter between him and his [Gg]od  c. I believe in it
          d. I claim to believe in it, but prefer not to live up to its
          message

    11. I refer to people from China as:
    ___   a. Asian  b. Chinese  c. Oriental  d. "gook, slope, slant-eye"

    12. Homosexuality is:
    ___   a. a romantic relationship between two people of the same sex
          b. a sexual relationship between two people of the same sex
          c. deviant  d. buggery

    13. My favourite method of debate is:
    ___   a. the syllogism  b. the anecdote  c. posting endless quotes from
          self-styled "experts"  d. the ad hominem

    14. When somebody from a different country makes a post, I:
    ___   a. don't even look at where the poster is from  b. listen to
          their arguments because the truth knows no national borders
          c. ignore them  d. flame them

    15. Most people think that I am:
    ___   a. rational  b. an average kind of guy  c. a hoax  d. an AI project


IV. Essay question.  Write an essay of no more than 100 words on the given
    topic.  Use the space provided.  You may post any information by George
    Gilder or Michael Barnard that you want.
    "Why I think homosexuality is immoral."

    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________


V.  True/false.  Answer true or false to each of the following questions.

    1.  ___  I have been voted official Idiot of the Net.
    2.  ___  I have had people try to perform the Turing Test on me.
    3.  ___  I have apeared on CNN trying to disrupt a political rally.
    4.  ___  I like to brag about my criminal past on USENET.
    5.  ___  I like to brag about my sexual exploits on USENET.
    6.  ___  I like to make dark hints about how much email I get in support
             of my opinions.
    7.  ___  I own one less tire iron than I used to.
    8.  ___  I didn't get my bachelor's degree until I was in my mid-30's.
    9.  ___  I have posted articles in which other posters have found 12
             different types of logical fallacy.
    10. ___  I make Fred Rump appear coherent.
    11. ___  I helped organize an anti-gay organization at university.
    12. ___  I would refuse to ride in a taxi with anyone who has admitted
             performing buggery.
    13. ___  I have had people suggest creating a subgroup of alt.flame in
             my honour.
    14. ___  I carefully avoid posting articles which contain facts.
    15. ___  I truly am an idiot.


SCORING

I.   Score 1 point for each "yes" answer, and 0 points for each "no" answer.
II.  Score 1 point for each "yes" answer, and 0 points for each "no" answer.
III. Score -1 point for each (a) answer, 0 points for each (b), 1 point for
     each (c), and 2 points for each (d) answer.
IV.  Score 1 point for each time you used the word "buggery".  Maximum is 10
     points.
V.   Score 1 point for each "true" answer.

If you scored:
  less than 0 points               You are the anti-Kaldis.
  0-20 points                      You are almostly completely free of Kaldis
                                   attributes.  You can sleep easy tonight.
  21-40 points                     You have some Kaldis tendencies.  Go over
                                   the test again and notice where you scored
                                   points.  See if you can change these factors
                                   in your life.
  41-65 points                     You are moderately Kaldis-like.  You should
                                   take a vacation and reevaluate your life.
  66-74 points                     You have very strong tendencies towards
                                   becoming Ted Kaldis.  Get some therapy.
  75 points                        You are Ted Kaldis.
  76+ points                       You are completely similar to Ted Kaldis
                                   in every way, except that you can't add.

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Newsgroups: talk.politics.misc