Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: hi..
From: anonymus+1401@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (darkangel)
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 17:02:32 GMT
Organization: Anonymous contact service

In a message received on  8 Oct 1992, 13:35
darkangel <AUVAX1::KS4443F92> wrote
to: anonymus+<alt.sexual.abuse.recovery>@godiva.cs.cmu.edu

>This is my first time posting...and to tell the truth I don't know now if I can 
>actually manage to send this to anyone...but..
>Circumstances don't permit me to tell my whole story...so a lot of it might not
>be too clear..but I'll do my best. (And I know this will be sketchy..I can't
>bring myself to do any better than this right now, at least, not here.)
>
>The first time I was (abused) was when I was around eight years old, by a (then,
>anyway) family friend.  He had been babysitting my younger brother and me and
>then started (abusing) me the first night.  This went on for about 2 years.
>(He left my brother alone, though.)
>Since he came to our house to babysit, it was easy for him to get rid of my
>brother by either playing hide and seek with us (he never bothered trying to
>find my brother, but almost always found me.) or he'd wait for my brother to go
>up to bed (which never took long).
>And once my brother was gone, I was on my own.
>I don't know yet how many times this happened, but sometimes he would come into
>my room and (abuse) me there.  (I put abuse in parentheses because I am still
>confused as to what to call what went on...my so calls it rape, but the only
>difference is that I wasn't (i think) ever penetrated by his..organ, he used
>his fist sometimes..)
>
>The other times I was abused (I guess those are called that)
>weren't really as serious as the first..one gym teacher used his fingers on me,
>and things like that, another just kept saying things and touching me, and the
>last (and most recent) I think of as the worst, not only because the perp was
>my cousin, but because again here I am confused as to what to call it..he had
>also touched me.  This one only my so knows about...
>
>Anyway, I have gotten help..I really needed it..and I think it is safe to say
>that I wouldn't be alive to type this right now if not for my beloved so...who
>was the first decent male I have met in a long time..he's been unbelievably
>helpful..but he needs people to help him understand things..
>
>(I know I have left out a LOT. but I promise I'll explain it all..I just don't
>have the nerve to do it here yet. :)  )
>
>I think that the hardest thing now is coming to terms with my own
>feelings..both about the things that happened, and also those I have for and
>about my so.  (yes, that includes the s word.. :) )
>Not in terms of making love..I can't do that yet..but fear of my own body..my
>own feelings.  And of some of my so's.  
>
>Well..I have to go for now...if anyone can help me sort things..please mail me.
>
>And if I can help..mail me.
>
>
>Thanks..
>
>darkangel
>
>

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