From: arbi@charles.polymer.uakron.edu (The Dude)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.cricket
Subject: cricket and sleep
Date: 16 Nov 92 17:12:15 GMT
Article-I.D.: news.1992Nov16.171215.23899
Organization: Institute of Polymer Science, University of Akron

somebody was wondering if anybody sleeps during a test match, since
he found it boring. the naive nature of the statement is indicative
of the fact that he does not know much about cricket. let me show a
few of the thousand points of light....

cricket was designed so people could catch up with their sleep. why
would it be so popular otherwise? or why should so many people long
to play it? when you play cricket, you sleep. when you watch cricket
you sleep. let's expose the sinister designs behind various activities
in cricket:

cricket play is started when night goes to sleep and stopped when the
sun falls asleep. it has many people involved, all of them sleeping
or trying to sleep. cricket comes from the latin root, krikus, meaning,
to fall asleep while doing something.

the guys who need sleep the most are designated umpires. however, to
qualify they have to take a test and prove that they can sleep in the
standing position without moving a bit. one of the major goals of the
fielding team is to keep them awake, by what are called 'appeals.'
the better the ability to sleep through these appeals, the better the
umpire is considered to be. a batsman is expected to play such that
these interruptions in the umpire's sleep are minimal. if he doesn't
satisfy this, the umpire may get irked and give him the finger.

for the batting team, two people are on the ground. the striker has to
stay awake so that the fielding team doesn't get a chance to wake up
the umpire. however, the runner can fall asleep. hence, this is a
desirable situation. a striker always tries to hit the ball and run to
the non-striker's end, so he can sleep. this competition to stay at the
non-striker's end results in runs being the by-products. at the end of
every over, the ends are switched to make sure that the batsmen stay
confused about where the sleeping end is. the rest of the batting team 
gets to sleep as long as neither of the batsmen are given the finger. if
that happens, then he needs to be replaced. then one may ask, the batsman
can just get out and go to sleep in the locker room then? no, because, the
fielding team is trying to sleep. for that, they need to wake up everyone
in the batting team, and have each one of them irk the umpires. if this
happens, then the batting team fields and no one gets to sleep. this is
the motive for not getting out soon. since runs are a measure of how long
a batter has sacrified his sleep to preserve his team-mates' sleep, he
becomes a celebrity. he is given money and most times, made captain. one
can also become a hero by bowling well and decreasing the other team's
sleep - but since it has a negative approach, not many bowlers are made
captains.

now come the spectators. lot of times, people are stressed and need sleep
when the sun is out. so they come to a cricket match and fall asleep. this
is why newspapers carry detailed reports with photographs of the progress
of a game and why highlights of a match are shown on tv. note
that going to a cricket match is a more reasonable excuse to skip work than
the need to sleep. by falling asleep together in tests, friendships are
fostered. however, there is a game here too: the commentators are paid to
stay awake and initiate applause every once in a while so that spectators
don't sleep that well - a major reason why commentators are criticized
heavily. but they are an integral part of the game. people who sell food
and beverages need people to be awake so they have their agents going around
and waking people by stepping on them or shouting in their ears. teen-agers
relish being cruel to people so they bother their sleep by bringing all kinds
of musical instruments and playing them.
well, if you didn't fall asleep reading this article, i can't help you. you're
not cricket material. however, ksrao, who is a qualified commentator for the
net, musthave posted scores a few times to keep you awake while reading this -
see how devious the whole thing is?
peace an' luv,
arbi
Newsgroups: rec.sport.cricket