HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: veburst@contra.enet.dec.com (KSV)
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 22:21:07 GMT


In article <stone.724361679@cwis>, stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone) writes...
> 
> 
>Ladies of A.R. :
> 
>I have heard---time and again---that one of the big things a
>woman looks for in a guy is "a sense of humor".  Well, pardon
>me for saying this, but that's a wee bit vague.  Just what do
>women *mean* when they say they like a guy with a sense of humor?
> 
>I have heard variants of this answer, things like "I like a guy
>who can make me laugh."  There *must* be a hell of alot more to
>it than this, ladies---as many gals as I've gotten giggling, I
>should be dripping with women.  Now, be honest---grins 'n giggles
>*aren't* the only things you look for in a man, so tell me:
>What else are you looking for?  
> 
>---- T.R. Stone
>     Average-Looking, Kinda Funny, Completely Perplexed By Women
> 

I like someone I can joke around with, pun with, be silly with... all things
that revolve around a sense of humour... someone who's able to handle being
picked on/teased (in a friendly/non-insultive way) instead of just dishing out
all the picking on... honesty, sincerity and respect are other things I value
in a man... as well as someone who is affectionate without being
overpowering.... guys who make silly faces and do good impressions are a
definite plus in my book too. :)  It also helps when you're out (or in, even)
with someone whose mind is running the same joke book as yours... there are
some things I find utterly distasteful that other women would laugh at... it's
all a matter of personal taste... *grin* then again, there are those who have
no taste whatsoever! :)

-- Kristy
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Now, This is a Tricky One...(Help, please!)
Keywords: What would YOU suggest?
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 17:11:48 GMT

In article <stone.724442205@cwis> stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone) writes:
>
>
>This is a rather complicated and tricky question that I'd appreciate
>answers to---if you folks can (or would, please) oblige me...
>
>Say that thre's this gal I'd like to get to know better;  I'd like
>to sorta hint my intentions to her, but I'm not sure how---or even
>if that's a good idea in the first place.  I haven't any experience
>at this sort of thing, so I'd like to know---from both the approachers
>(the guys) and the approachees (ladies, can you help me out here?)---
>how do I approach this gal and show interest in her so as not to
>offend her, or scare her off?  What could I say, or do?
>
I am a man and I prefer what I would call the direct but subtle 
approach: show clearly that you are interested, that you enjoy 
her company, and so forth, but hold back on any hint that you
plan to do anything about it. You show you are interested in the
normal ways: listen, ask questions, pay attention, compliment
those things about her that you sincerely appreciate.

If you try to go about it the other way around (trying to show
you are interested by saying you want to get involved), you will
look pushy and like you are more interested in getting a girlfriend
than in being wth this particular one.

If you are not yet on speaking terms with this girl, you will have
to make that first step. Without knowing your circumstances, it
is hard to advise, but generally, you want to be friendly
but non-committal until you have convinced her that you have
a sincere interest in her. Your chances of success are best 
if you can break things down into small steps, if you try to
go from meeting to bigtime romance in a day you may impress her,
but you will also convince her you are not for real.

>Oh, and while you're all in a generous advisory mood:  Ladies, how
>do you feel about getting flowers?  How soon is TOO soon?  What
>kind?
>
Lots of women appreciate flowers. But you should use them to underline a 
sentiment that you have already communicated, rather than try to 
hint at something.


Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: enrietjr@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (jennifer)
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
Keywords: Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!  Woo-woo-woo-woo!  Hey Moe! Hey Larry!
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 17:56:48 GMT

In article <stone.724361679@cwis> stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone) writes:
>
>I have heard variants of this answer, things like "I like a guy
>who can make me laugh."  There *must* be a hell of alot more to
>it than this, ladies---as many gals as I've gotten giggling, I
>should be dripping with women.  Now, be honest---grins 'n giggles
>*aren't* the only things you look for in a man, so tell me:
>What else are you looking for?  
>
>---- T.R. Stone
>     Average-Looking, Kinda Funny, Completely Perplexed By Women
> 

The laughter *is* one of the, lets say, top five things that *I* look for in a
man... Granted, the other four are just as important, but without laughter
happiness, and the general warm feeling that one gets from the two, 
it just isn't worth it to pursue more!
As for the others in my "top five"
	1) A man has to be able to share in my dreams, and allow me to share 
	his. Not that our "dreams" need to be the same, but that we can help
	and support eachother in reaching out to  attain them.
	2) A man that can help burden my sorrows, and allow me to help with
	his. Pain is never easy to deal with, but with the right person, the
	'load' can be lightened  -without either of the two ever feeling as 
	though they are over burdened
	3)A man that I can respect, and who, in turn, respects me. This one is 
	often stated, but never really *thought* through... I want to be able
	to respect this man for who he is, what he believes in, how he puts 
	those beliefs into action etc.  This seems to be the most difficult
	to attain, so often the beliefs & etc are so different that it is 
	difficult to respect them...
	4) Laughter, happiness & etc -I think this section has been explained
	5) I suppose that this could go under number 4, but I want to be
	able to see his laughter and smile in his eyes... to me the eyes are
	a window into a person's mind and heart... it you can't look and see 
	more than just an 'eye-ball'... the passion is lost.



			just my opinion
				take it or leave it


			-*-Jennifer-*-

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@vccnw04.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: "We could still be friends"
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 23:58:42 GMT

  I think that, largely, how one takes Let's Just Be Friends depends upon when
and under what conditions they've been LJBF'd before.
 
  For some people, when they get LJBF'd, the person saying it really MEANS it,
and is not using it as a brush off.  So, when someone else LJBF's them, they
take it as a compliment, or if not a compliment, at least as something
positive.

  Then, for others, the people who LJBF them really do mean "I want to use you
whenever I want, but on my terms only."  Since they didn't mean it, the people
who get LJBF'd under these conditions take it as a punishment/insult since
it was that in the past.

  Does that make sense?

-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
Cynicism is only realism projected into the future.
If your fondest wish is to fly, don't draw up plans for flippers.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@vccsouth02.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: what is love? (my $0.02)
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 03:57:58 GMT

erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:

>As Sanaya Roman said in one of her books "Loving people is a committment to
>holding a high vision of them, even as time and familiarity take their toll."

 (Geez, this guy says a LOT of good things lately :&) )

 Hold a high vision, certainly, but not an unrealistic one---

 "You can't love a temple as much as a house."

-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
Cynicism is only realism projected into the future.
If your fondest wish is to fly, don't draw up plans for flippers.
From: veburst@contra.enet.dec.com (KSV)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
Date: 16 Dec 92 21:52:02 GMT
Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation


In article <1992Dec16.100942.119668@marshall.wvnet.edu>, rcbi110@marshall.wvnet.edu writes...
> 
>Is it just me, or do a lot of guys think that "aw, no girl would want to
>bother with my problems."

	That's probably true (that a lot of guys think that), but it doesn't
mean that some of us women wish that you fellas would open up and at least let
us *try* to help you sort through what's bugging you?
> 
> 
>> 	5) I suppose that this could go under number 4, but I want to be
>> 	able to see his laughter and smile in his eyes... to me the eyes are
>> 	a window into a person's mind and heart... it you can't look and see 
>> 	more than just an 'eye-ball'... the passion is lost.
> 
>I've heard this all my life, and still I'm not sure if I get it.  I've never
>been able to see anything extrodinary in anybody's eyes?  At least, I don't
>think so... Please elaborate.

	Well... one example that I can think of is when a person smiles, does
it seem to light up their whole face, or just make an upward curve of their
lips?  I guess what #5 in the piece-mealed post above is getting at is the guy
needs to have expressive eyes... I tend to agree with the lady who wrote
that... the eyes are indeed a window into a person's mind & heart... if you're
good at people watching or perceptive in a one on one situation, you can
usually tell a bit of how that person feels about being there with you by
looking them directly in the eye.

Just my $.02.

-- Kristy
Xref: sparky alt.romance:15166 soc.singles:33731 alt.romance.chat:21824
From: hellcat@wetware.com (HellQat)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,alt.romance.chat
Subject: Re: More, Do Not try this at home .....
Date: 12 Dec 92 21:32:21 GMT
Organization: Castle Wetware Resident Blonde

dch@rodan.UU.NET (Dan C. Horner) flings down his gauntlet
of skepticism:

] >>.... these are PAID PROFESSINALS using special Safety Equipment..
] >
] >So remember kids, *don't* try this at home!  This safety tip brought
] >to you by the Friends of AndyR, (yes, he really does exist!  I spoke
] >to him the other day..)
] 
] Nonsense... AndyR is a simulacrum being digitized and fed into an AI
] response generator... He does not and cannot truly exist within this
] space time continuum...
] 
] Ha...!

Well!!  I have been told that I have a pretty wild imagination,
but this goes far beyond the bounds of female fantasy.  If AndyR
is truly only a simulacrum or a voice module, as some of you
choose to believe, then the men in the white coats should
come and take me away since I am suffering from the grandaddy
of all delusions.  However, I have been judged sane (if not
"normal") by Highly Paid Professionals and by my peers (if that
means anything) and I will personally vouch for the existence
of AndyR in all his physical reality in this space time
continuum.

I have not and will NEVER sleep with an AI construct!!!

] >Oh, and here it was because we were friends, that really hurts, and
] >after all I did for your doors... *sniff*
] >
] >rip
] 
] Oh, this is SOOOOOOO disgusting... What were you doing in drieux' doors
] while I was in drieux' doors ? 

And wrapped in plastic, no less.

] Diana, Can't you get better scheduling  so these types of things
] don't happen anymore ?
] 
] Sheesh...
] 
] Blade
] 

I guess it's one of the risks you take when you do those 
HeManlyMaleBondingThings, eh Blade?


-- 
      HellQat
((((
 \\\\ )
  ----				
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: brownea@cc.uvcc.edu
Subject: Re: Epilogue to Fred & Wilma
Organization: Utah Valley Community College
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 19:42:03 GMT

>>Say your friend is dating someone you find attractive. (we'll call him
>>B and her, C)
>>Say C finds you attractive.
>>What would you do if C asks you to go out with her in a more than just
>>friends situation?
>>What would you do if you felt like asking C out in a more than just friend
>>way?
>>Would you ask C out?
>>Would you ask her out if C breaks up with A because of you?
>>Would you ask her out if C breaks up with A not because of you?

	I think that an important part of what you are asking is based on a
friendship.  My reply is a question - how close to the way you think is the way
your friend thinks?  For some, it is expected that if one breaks up with friend
it is time for the other to try.  Friendship could easily mean - hey, I realize
it didn't work and there's no _reason_ for hard feelings.
	I think it all depends on my view of the friend (the one who's the same
sex as I am...)

|===   You have no choice in the matter, so you may as well give in   ===|
|===   and just be yourself.                                          ===|
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Divine Supermarket
Date: 16 Dec 1992 07:16:07 GMT
Organization: U.C. Berkeley, CS Undergraduate Association
NNTP-Posting-Host: soda.berkeley.edu

Christopher Jon Petit's sig says:
 >Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
 >yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
Is there a mail order version?  I've been trying get both for the longest
time :-&   Plus, a few of my friends could use this too (you're right,
perfect Xmas Gifts)

 >If your fondest wish is to fly, don't draw up plans for flippers.
Actually, sometimes, swimming feels just like flying.
Reality is only an illusion projected from the past.

-- 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
*	Billy H. Chan		<bhchan@ocf.berkeley.edu> 	*
*	Lost at Cal!!!   	<bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu>	*
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@vccsouth02.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: "We could still be friends"
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 03:50:36 GMT

erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:

>To lock one out of one's life forever and ever this way is to deny that that
>psrt of you is ever accessible to your "friend".  I agree with David - it *is*
>a dishonest statement.  What is often meant is "well, either I don't have the
>heart to tell you to get lost, or I see some personal advantage to using you,
>so I'll just LJBF you, and that way I can have my cake and eat it, too."

  I agree totally.  IMHO, if you're LJBF'd, don't speak to the person for
awhile---if she doesn't really want your friendship she won't care, and if
she does, the distance you get will help you to heal.

>The types of women who do this are very often the ones who, time after time,
>get involved with men who manipulate them, use them, then dump them, leaving
>them "heartbroken".  They seldom realize that it's *their* selection process
>that is faulty, and they are denying the infinite goodness of the universe
>that is reaching out to them via friends to give them love, preferring to
>waste their time chasing men who are obviously not good for them.  "All men
>are jerks" is their war cry, preferring to externalize the problem instead of
>taking a hard look at themselves and *why* they are attracted to men who
>abuse them.

  Seems that it's very easy to point to someone else and say "It's your
fault!"  But, it's the hardest thing in the world to take a hard look at
yourself and say "Something's wrong with me?  What is it and how can I change
it?"

>This "chemistry" stuff that I hear
>women dishing out to seemingly evade personal responsibility isn't love -
>very often, it's hormones.

  That's the truth.  Supposedly, only men have 'hormones' but I feel that
women have them just as intensely as men---just that women aren't brought up
to listen to that message.  There's something really attractive to me about a
woman who isn't afraid to express her passions and emotions.

>The universe is infinite in its ability to give you love - why not open
>yourself to *all* its manifestations, instead of stubbornly insisting that
>the universe do things your way?  I have almost always found that then I
>try and twist the universe into doing things "my way" it doesn't work.

 Bravo!  I couldn't have said better myself.

-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
Cynicism is only realism projected into the future.
If your fondest wish is to fly, don't draw up plans for flippers.
From: pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Save Me!
Date: 14 Dec 92 08:04:02 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

In article <0096505A.E137AF00@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:

>(Unrelated)  Doesn't anyone believe in love at first sight anymore?  This is
>supposed to be the *romance* group, and I was wondering.  Is there no passion
>left in the world anymore?
>
Well, I've experience *lust* at first sight.  I scoped him out, went
in for the kill, he expressed equal interest (he had been scoping me
out, too), and by the end of the first evening together, we knew we
were involved in something special.  It took us about three weeks to
call it love, to ourselves and to each other.  That's the closest I've
ever come.

ajp


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: dmcdowel@Nimitz.mcs.kent.edu (Duane McDowell)
Subject: Re: Advice needed on 'I don't know'
Reply-To: dmcdowel@mcs.kent.edu
Organization: Kent State University CS
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 01:56:29 GMT

In article <4fABlme00iUy42ziFZ@andrew.cmu.edu>, sl31+@andrew.cmu.edu (Stephen M. Lacy) writes:
> Excerpts from netnews.alt.romance: 15-Dec-92 Advice needed on 'I don't
> k.. by news%ptt-iat@nluug.nl 
> >  
> > The question:
> > - 'What does that "I'm confused" really means ?'
> 
> Love does have a meaning, yet we cannot figure it out.  The line "I'm
> confused" means "you've made me see a side of love that I don't think
> that I've ever seen before.  I'm trying to figure out what love really
> is, and if what we're experiencing really is love"   It also means this:
> You've come to the point in your relationship where you're such good
> friends that your current definition of love no longer fits the
> situation that you're currently in.  Its time for a change of the
> definition.  You need to find out what love means to you, and why you
> think your definition is the right one.  You need to try and explain
> what love in your eyes is to the person that you are interested in, in a
> completely non-conscious way.  What you have to do is act in a way that
> will say "this is love"  Whatever those actions may be.  You can't just
> sit down and tell her what love is, you have to make her see your side,
> and come to your realization of love on her own.  Also, never believe
> the phrase "we're too good of friends to be lovers"  That again, nees a
> change in the definiton of love.  It will be harder than loving a
> stranger, but the resulting relationship will go beyond the bounds of
> anything you've ever had before.   Be happy with what you've got.  This
> world is rushed.  I've heard people tell me that if they were going out
> with someone and didn't get a kiss after, let say, a week and a half,
> that they would stop going out with the person.   Thats stupid.  Love is
> something that is never-ending, yet getting it to surface is much harder
> than you think.  Wait for your love for each other to show itself in its
> own way.  
> 
> Steve
> 

	Well put Steve. Well put. 

				Duane McDowell
From: pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Let's Make the World a More Loving Place
Date: 14 Dec 92 07:58:02 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

In article <jjj2+mn@rpi.edu> petitc@nuge113.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes:
>
>  I mean, what's wrong with friendly hugs, and affectionate touching (not
>romantic, just between friends and so on).  We all like to be touched, since
>it is an expression of deepest fondness and affection.  So, why are we so
>afraid of it?  It seems that the only place where _any_ touching is permitted,
>especially for guys, is within the context of a romantic relationship.
>
>  Why do affection and fondness have to be so limited?  Love multiplies---if
>you give a lot out, you get a lot more back than you gave out.  I mean,
>really, why can't a guy hug someone without it being considered a sexual
>overture (or sexual perversion)?
>
>  Maybe it's just a dream---I know that for all my hoping and wishing, I'll
>still consider affection primarily reserved for relationships, simply because
>so many people react so badly to the simplest, most innocent touch.  But,
>what do all of you think about this?
>

Bravo!  I agree with you -- we need more touching in this world. But I
think it's important to remember that the touch is only appropriate if
it is wanted and welcomed.  (Thus avoiding the sticky areas of
harrassment.)

That said, I want to share a funny story about what happened to me
regarding friendly touch. 

I am in a light opera company at my college.  A very close male friend
of mine is also in the group.  (I am female.)  We each have SOs who
live far away.  We are very affectionate with each other -- we aren't
embarrassed to hug or touch each other in public, or to kiss on the
cheek.  It's never been anythink other than a very close friendship,
and we're each friends with the other person's SO.  But the other
members of our singing group have been convinced since the beginning
of the semester that we're (to quote directly) "fucking like rabbits."
I only found this out a few days ago!  They made this assumption based
on the fact that he and I spend a lot of time together and are
physically affectionate.  The way I found out that the group thought
this was at our Christmas party:  we had picked Secret Santas, and
were giving each other humorous gifts.  I recieved assorted sexual
paraphernilia, with a note saying the giver hoped Charles and I would
have fun over Christmas break.  We were both flabbergasted!  They had to
explain to us that he and I were "a thing," "involved", "going out,"
"you know, doing it."  Well, I was a little embarrassed and very
amused as I tried to explain to the group that I have a boyfriend in
Chicago to whom I've been faithful...they didn't believe it!  

Well, that's not going to stop me from hugging my friends, but at
least I'll know what all the funny looks mean now!

ajp
Newsgroups: alt.romance