HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: blevenso@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Bryan D Levenson)
Subject: Re: 100000
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 18:15:17 GMT

In article <C1Kqu2.4r9@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu> asheffie@undergrad.math.wat
erloo.edu writes:
>In an article _I_ write:
>>We're getting damn near message 100000.....  Scary.....
>
>I hear from other people they've already passed the 100000 mark on their
>site.  Darn, I feel deprived.
>
>-Alex

Don't feel so bad, we're only nearing 75,000.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dunn@helios.usq.EDU.AU (peter dunn)
Subject: long sentence: and
Summary: long sentence: and
Organization: University of Southern Queensland
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 23:28:35 GMT

On the subject of long sentences with 11 'thats' and however many hads there were, try this one for five 'ands' in a row:

There was the restuarant that served, among other things of course, ham and eggs for brekkie.  To advertise, the owner put up a sign saying:

"Ham, and, eggs"

Now, one very intelectual customer came along and noticed that there were a few too many commas there, so the customer went to the owner and explained
:
"Sir, (or Ma'am I suppose), your sign is grammatically incorrect."
"Oh," said the owner, "tell me how I should fix it."
"Easy," said the customer (let's make the customer female and even it up), " just take out the commas between  'ham' and 'and' and 'and' and 'eggs'."

So there you have it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peter Dunn, USQ, Aussie
"War is not about who is right; it is about who is left."
_


Organization: Freshman, H&SS general, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 10:52:19 -0500 
From: Sam Swett <ssbc+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: Ol' Presidential Nicknames FROM BEYOND.......

metraton@cruzio.santa-cruz.ca.us writes:

>     With that in mind, it's time to pick a nickname For our new Top 
>     Banana, William whatever-his-middle-name-is Clinton. I propose:
> 
>                    *-------- Cap'n Bill --------*
> 
>         Like It? It's like "Cap'n Crunch" only with a "Bill" in lieu of a 
>     "Crunch". And Gore could be "First Mate Gore" or something. If we work 
>     at it, we could popularize it first, thus making history.
>       Pretty neat.

	To me, Clinton will always be known as either "Slick Willie" or "Billy
[boy]." Those names have stuck ever since he began his campaign! As far
as Al Gore, I still haven't heard a nickname I liked, with the possible
exception of "Gory Al".   :-)

l8r
-sam
From: dchong@mail.sas.upenn.edu (Dennis Chong)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Grocer joke
Date: 25 Jan 93 18:46:27 GMT

In article <C1CwBM.1pF@a312441.uucp> a3@rivm.nl (Adri Verhoef) writes:
>At the beginning of the twentieth century grocers still made their own
>treacle (molasses, syrup).  One of these grocers made three tubs of
>treacle every day: apple treacle, pear treacle, and berry treacle.
>He put the tubs outside in front of the store, or inside in front of
>the counter, alternating this each day.
>
>It was on a Friday, when the postman came his way and said: "Here is
>the letter."


Okay, call me stupid or something, but I DON'T GET THIS JOKE.  Can someone
please enlighten me????

I mean, it doesn't even seem to make sense to me as one of those
"non-sequitor" type jokes.  What is the relationship between "Here is the
letter" and three treacles?

On second thought, though, don't call me stupid... just explain the joke
to me PLEASE!!!!!

Thanks.

dc
From: A.M.Salt1@lut.ac.uk
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: test,1,2,3 CASCADE
Date: 22 Jan 93 16:15:46 GMT
Reply-To: A.M.Salt1@lut.ac.uk (Honey Monster)
Organization: Loughborough University, UK.

In article <1993Jan20.223801.13632@news.arc.nasa.gov> nicholso@pioneer.arc.nasa.gov (Melvin H. Nicholson YBH) writes:
>markw@fuzzball.dell.com (Mark E. Wallace) writes:
>>mei141@cck.coventry.ac.uk (PH) writes:
>>|>petitc@nuge115.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes:
>>|> >ara@wam.umd.edu (Ford Prefect) writes:
>>|> >
>>|> >
>>|> >>>>>>this is just a test, please ignore.
>>|> >>>>Oh god please! I can't take any more,
>>|> >>>>My anger is like a flaming lantern,
>>|> >>>>Try cascading of that.
>>|> >>>I could, with a whimsical handturn
>>|> >>>of my magical hat.
>>|> >>HA HA! now its my turn
>>|> >>I can't do better than that.
>>|> >To add to this, I yearn.
>>|> >But I couldn't do that.
>>|> Maybe we could all learn
>>|> to do silly things with a cat
>>Counselor Troi likes skinny bald guys,
>>How `bout that?
>Pick a new rhyme and try to keep time
>or else your cascade will sound flat.
The new rhyme is here in front of you,
Ask my pet iguana.

I've killed it this time. Alun@lanterns "R" Us.
From: cb926@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Edmund Joseph Ryan)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: New VP Target
Date: 23 Jan 1993 01:03:17 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu


Greetings,

From listening to the radio talk show hosts, Al Gore will be the
but of jokes concerning how stiff, dense, and dull he is. Anybod
have any good jokes?

Virtually,

Ed
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bbrett@morgan.ucs.mun.ca (Betsy Brett)
Subject: Fortunes for cookies wanted!
Summary: Fortunes for fortune cookies wanted, please!
Keywords: Fortunes - fortune cookies
Organization: Memorial University of Newfoundland
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 00:27:33 GMT


I am making fortune cookies for a party this Friday.  I'd like some
funny fortunes to put in them, and my list is rather limited.  Any and
all (even crude) are welcome.  It will be a small party, but a wide
range of personalities.  Thanks alot!!!

-Betsy Brett-
bbrett@morgan.ucs.mun.ca

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dchatham@utkvx2.utk.edu (Chatham, Doug)
Subject: Re: New VP Target
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: University of Tennessee Computing Center
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 01:00:00 GMT

In article <rdippold.727762744@qualcom>, rdippold@qualcom.qualcomm.com 
(Ron Dippold) writes...

>One of his best is "Remeber, every Communist government in Eastern
>Europe fell in 100 days.  Now it's our turn here in the United States
>of America!"  Of course he won't get the chance if Bill doesn't let
>him come out and play more often.
>-- 
>Your sword begins to glow with an eerie blue light.

	Oh, so the massive overspending and societal decay are DELIBERATE!?
It's seems the government can't even destroy the country right....

Maybe if we had a Vice-President with a more respectable surname, this sort
of thing wouldn't happen.....

Doug Chatham
From: tes0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (THOMAS EDWIN SCHMIDLIN)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Super Gross Joke! READ! RESPOND!
Date: 28 Jan 93 03:59:28 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <1993Jan27.002416.14103@bsu-ucs>, 00jlrushton@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu write
s:
>
>
>Whats the fun in screwing a five year old....
>
>Prettending she is four years old!
>

Or hearing the pelvic bones crack!;^)


>sick,
>stmpi
>
-- 

Tom Schmidlin
TES0@LEHIGH.EDU
215-758-0872
From: e_p@unl.edu (edgar pearlstein)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Read this in case of fire. Auf Deutsch.
Date: 24 Jan 1993 19:49:34 GMT
Organization: University of Nebraska--Lincoln	
Distribution: world
 
      This appeared in a German book I once studied from:
NNTP-Posting-Host: unlinfo.unl.edu

Die, die die, die die Anlagen Beschadigen, anzeigen, erhalten funf Dollar.


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mmaggio@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Michael J Maggio)
Subject: Re: Another test
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 00:06:36 GMT

stern@herald.usask.ca (Bill Stern) writes:


>This is just a test.
Is this your best?
From: marco@soda.berkeley.edu (Marco Nicosia)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Speaking of stupid commercials...
Date: 26 Jan 1993 06:32:48 GMT
Organization: U.C. Berkeley, CS Undergraduate Association
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: soda.berkeley.edu

In article <1993Jan22.004917.10193@wam.umd.edu> ara@wam.umd.edu (Ford Prefect) writes:
) >>> Stupid Commercials...  How about the ones that end with 
) >>> "Life. What a beautiful choice..."
) >>What's so stupid about that?
) >
) >personally, I prefer grape nuts.
) >
) >but Mikey won't eat those.
) Just what the hell are Grape nuts made from, I have never found a single
) grape or nut in the box.  But MAN DO THEY KEEP YOU REGULAR !!!!

"Always be sure to check your GrapeNuts for squirrels." -- Garfield

) -ara
) 
-- 

____________________From the console of:____________________
Marco E. Nicosia        marco@berkeley.edu
marco@soda.berkeley.edu University of California at Berkeley
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dheisler@CERIS.Purdue.EDU (Dave Heisler)
Subject: Re: Ol' Presidential Nicknames FROM BEYOND.......
Organization: Center for Environmental and Regulatory Information Systems, Purdue University
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 20:12:17 GMT

From article <1jmrshINN8q6@gaia.ucs.orst.edu>, by dodd@OES.ORST.EDU (Stirling S. Dodd):
> 
> For Al Gore it pretty clear: He's real up on the ecology, and he seems like
> sort of a fun guy, so why not the obvious: AL G.

how about AL G Sure?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: yl44729@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Mr. Axl )
Subject: Re: Subliminal Advertising
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 22:58:55 GMT

These messages aren't subliminal!  They are boring!
From: amiranda@hpcupt3.cup.hp.com (Alan Miranda)
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 01:40:51 GMT
Subject: Mind-reading trick
Organization: HP CCSY, Cupertino, CA
Newsgroups: rec.humor

This should wow your buddies ... it is a series of instructions where the
answer to any instruction should be used in the next instruction ...

Think of a number from 1 to 9

Multiply it by 9

Add the two digits of your answer.  E.g.: 9 => 0 + 9; 18 => 1 + 8, etc.

Subtract 5

If a = 1, b = 2, c = 3, etc., find the letter which corresponds to your
answer to the previous instruction

Now think of a country whose name starts with that letter

Now take the second letter of that country's name and think of a large, land
animal whose name starts with that letter

Now think of the color of that animal

I bet you were thinking of a large, grey elephant from Denmark !!!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: garrett@Ingres.COM (TRUTH IS. BELIEF IS NOT REQUIRED.)
Subject: Re: Misc Traffic Rules
Summary: Obnoxious Drivers
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1  
Keywords: 
Organization: ASK Computer Systems, Ingres Product Division
Date: 28 Jan 93 04:17:25 GMT

In article <1993Jan27.061100.20004@pony.Ingres.COM>, garrett@Ingres.COM (TRUTH IS. BELIEF IS NOT REQUIR writes...
>In article <C1Ht9n.6z7@coral.cs.unm.edu>, sgupta@coral.cs.unm.edu (Sarang Gupta)             writes...
>>New Mexico Driving Law #2 (I post these as they happen to me in real-life)
>>LAW: If the guy in front of you has room to make a left turn, so do you... 
>>COROLLARY: This law is recursive.
> 
>If we are going by what happens in real life then I have a few to add.
>#1: If you cut in front of someone, then you will have an overwhelming 
>    urge to slam on the brakes.
>#2: If someone tries to pass you, the gravity under your gas pedal will
>     suddenly and unexplainably increase.
>#3: Turn signals are for wimps.
>#4: Working brake lights are optional.
>#5: Never wait in a line of traffic when you can cut in at the last second
>    and almost cause an accident.
>#6: You should never exit a freeway until the last second from the far left
>    lane.
> 
#7: Traffic laws do not apply in Chinatown.

#8: When in doubt, assume that the next guy is your enemy.

#9: Misery loves to be laughed at.

#10: You can judge the severity of an accident by the speed of the traffic
     going by it.

 	I have a question for those readers out there. Why don't people
break out the mashmellows at a car fire? 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is now proved beyond a doubt                              Garrett Johnson
that smoking is one of the leading                        Garrett@Ingres.com
causes of statistics.                                        Alameda, Calif.
  :^) We're making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.:-)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: fret@dcs.warwick.ac.uk (Jim Viner)
Subject: Re: as useful as
Organization: Department of Computer Science, Warwick University, England
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 18:06:30 GMT

>Or about as much use as the Pope's balls.
Hmmm. Remember Pope Gregory the 9th?

(you know - the one who had a daughter by his daughter)
From: wolvie@cybernet.cse.fau.edu (christopher motherway)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Wanted: How do you know your a Red Neck
Date: 27 Jan 93 17:24:28 GMT
Organization: Cybernet BBS, Boca Raton, Florida

ptb2@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (PETER TALAN BERGEN) writes:

> Does anyone out there have the list posted a couple months ago listing reason
> to know your a Red Neck.  If you do, please post it.
> 
> Thanks in advance.
> 
> Peter Bergen


I know a few...

If you believe a six-pack and a bug zapper as quality entertainment, you 
might be a redneck.

If you've ever made love in a satillite dish, you MIGHT be a redneck.

If you (or your wife) has a spitoon on the ironing board, you MIGHT be a 
redneck.

And, of course, MY personal favorite:
If your family tree does not fork, you MIGHT be a redneck!!!

Chris Wolvie
--------------------
'You and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at 2 
o'clock in the afternoon, you eat lunch at 10, breakfast the night 
before;  you spend all day roaming around malls, looking for the ultimate 
soft yogurt and muttering, 'How come the kids don't call?  How come the 
kids don't call?'-Billy Crystal, CITY SLICKERS
From: awv0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (ALAN WRIGHT VEROSTICK)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Super Gross Joke! READ! RESPOND!
Date: 28 Jan 93 01:08:05 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <1993Jan27.002416.14103@bsu-ucs>, 00jlrushton@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu write
s:
>
>
>Whats the fun in screwing a five year old....
>
>Prettending she is four years old!
>
>sick,
>stmpi
>
How about this one:


What's the hardest thing about raping a 4-year old?


Getting the blood stains off of the clown suit.

-- 
===============================================================================
Alan W. Verostick(Tarkus)              | "An artist's first responsibility is
215-758-1728                           |  to himself."
AWV0@LEHIGH.EDU                        |             -Miles Davis
AWV0@PL122F.EECS.LEHIGH.EDU            |
===============================================================================
"And what do we call assassins who accuse assassins anyway, my friend?"
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: cooper@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (Ralph 'Hairy' Moonen)
Subject: Re: Uses for a ZX81
Organization: AT&T
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 10:45:52 GMT

In article <C1903H.C2L@brunel.ac.uk>, Steve.Lake@brunel.ac.uk (Steve M Lake) writes:
> Hi, I'm looking for some new uses for a ZX81. I've got a few, but i'm
> sure that you lot can come up with much better ones.
> 
> The ones that I have are :
> 
> A doorstop
> A Bootscraper
> A Frisbee
> A Cheese board
> A Computer........NOT

Use it to scare away any computer-type persons. 
Spray paint it funny colors and call it art.
Attach wheels to it, and make a little car for your kid.
Mount it in your car to impress people with your on-board computer system.
Put it in the Xmas tree as an ornament.

ObZX8[01]Trivia: The first ads for them stated that 'it is powerfull enough
to run a nuclear plant'. Errr right...

--Ralph 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: aroll@gucis.cit.gu.edu.au (Ashley Roll)
Subject: Re: SIC SEMPER TYRRANNOSAURUS or More Barney Bashing - offensive to Barney (rot 13)
Keywords: Barney, fag dinosaurs, smarm
Organization: Griffith University.
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 05:26:53 GMT

mechalas@expert.cc.purdue.edu (John Mechalas) writes:

>In article <1k1t5pINNesb@ua.d.umn.edu> afrolik@ua.d.umn.edu (Ed Olczyk) writes:
>>In article <4967@cruzio.santa-cruz.ca.us> metraton@cruzio.santa-cruz.ca.us writes:
>>>
>>>    Erpragyl, V cbfgrq na negvpyr jurer V cbfghyngrq gung Onearl gur Qvabfnhe
>>> creuncf jnf abg jung ur frrzrq gb or, ohg jnf,va snpg, fbzr rivy orvat orag 
>>> ba gnxvat bire gur zvaqf bs puvyqera rireljurer. Gur Terng Hajnfurq fpbssrq 
>>> ng zl jneavatf.
>>
>>
>>OK.  So, what do I have to do to read this?  Is there a program?  Acertain
>>code?  Or do I have to figure this out myself.  I realize this may sound very
>>stupid, but I'm new to the newsgroups and I don't know all this stuff yet.  I
>>am sorry if this bothers anyone, so please forgive me if it bothers you and
>>don't waste your time flaming me cause I really don't care if you think I am
>>an idiot cause I can hear that from my parents.

>If you are on rn, type CTRL-X to refresh the screen in ROT 13 mode.  That
>will allow you to read the posting.  I don't know what the command is
>on nn...

in nn it is shift-d (a capital D) and then the same to turn it off again..

........../\/\/\................../\.....Reality is a user-defined function....
......../\...../\...../\/\/\/\.../\...........................................
....../\......../\../\........../\/\/\/\.....   Ashley Roll                ..
...../\/\/\/\/\/\.../\/\/\/\.../\....../\...   aroll@gucis.cit.gu.edu.au  ..
..../\......../\........../\../\......./\..................................
.../\......../\.../\/\/\/\.../\......./\..................................
     Kernal PANIC: Unable to mount /dev/coffie.machine -- Operator Halted.
From: briang@bari.Eng.Sun.COM (Brian Gordon)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: The Princess and the Frog
Date: 27 Jan 1993 21:56:55 GMT
Organization: Sun
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: bari

In article <1993Jan20.055534.17074@escom.com> al@escom.COM (Al Donaldson) writes:
<mike@is.morgan.com (Michael Lewis) writes:
<<Now does a "normal life" imply a life in the south vs. a life up north?
<<Perhaps Bill and Chelsea feel that the frog would be discriminated against up north.
<<Can this domesticated frog really survive in the wild?
<
<Maybe the frog was a dud--no matter how much Chelsea kissed it,
<it *still* didn't turn into a handsome prince.

That's not what she said when her parents found a 16 year old boy in her bed
that morning ...

-- 
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
| Brian G. Gordon	briang@Sun.COM    		briang@netcom.COM     |
| B.GORDON2 on GENie	70243,3012 on CompuServe	BGordon on AOL	      |
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dsblack@iastate.edu (Vilkata TDK)
Subject: Re: Howto Make a Dog 'Meow'
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames IA
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 01:24:10 GMT

In <1993Jan21.091220.1@cc.uvcc.edu> brownea@cc.uvcc.edu writes:

>(Credit George Smili???? (pronounced George Smilivitch))
>How do you make a dog 'meow'?
>Put it in a freezer for three days,
>Take it out,
>Put it across a band-saw!
>(MEEEEEEOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW)

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
Douse it in gasoline and toss a lit match on it!
(WHOOF!)
-- 
|    V I L K A T A     T . D . K .         ------dsblack@iastate.edu------    |
|"A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in  |
| front of it.  It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with   |
| the universe and move bits of it about."--Douglas Adams, _Mostly_Harmless_  |
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: Dennis W. Watson <watson@clark.edu>
Subject: Re: Interim Canonical List of Old * Never Die, they just ...
X-Xxmessage-Id: <A78C081BA4028CFD@watsdw.sci.clark.edu>
X-Xxdate: Wed, 27 Jan 93 09:36:27 GMT
Organization: Clark College
X-Useragent: Nuntius v1.1.1d16
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 17:36:37 GMT

Re: Interim Canonical List of Old * Never Die, they just ...

OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just Disintegrate.
From: ba844@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Don Atkinson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Somalia Joke
Date: 22 Jan 1993 18:34:40 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc10.ins.cwru.edu


What do you call a Somlian with a bowel movement?


Show Off !

-- 
Commander, these people are not emitting any life signs! - Data

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: awilson@kralizec.zeta.org.au (Alan Wilson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Mouse balls
Date: 28 Jan 1993 16:30:49 +1100
Organization: Kralizec Dialup Unix Sydney: +61-2-837-1183 V.42bis
NNTP-Posting-Host: kralizec.zeta.org.au

In <C19tMu.Mt1@dcs.ed.ac.uk> gk@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Gavin Kerr) writes:

>et moi sil-vous-plait
>(ME TOO!!!)

Waddaya mean, eat my silver plate????
From: awilson@kralizec.zeta.org.au (Alan Wilson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Wierd Names
Date: 27 Jan 1993 12:30:19 +1100
Organization: Kralizec Dialup Unix Sydney: +61-2-837-1183 V.42bis
NNTP-Posting-Host: kralizec.zeta.org.au

In <1993Jan22.012802.5403@newshub.ariel.yorku.ca> cs922177@ariel.yorku.ca (DANIEL T FARKAS) writes:

>How about those fake book names, like:
>Off the Cliff, by Hugo First
>To the Finish Line, by Willy Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont
>The Yellow River, by I P Daily
>etc...

>Anyone know any others?

Yes. How about:

   The Cliff Tragedy by Eileen Dover
   Rusty Bedsprings by I P Nitely
   40 Sure Fire Cold Remedies by R Choo
   The Gas Station Garden by Axel Re (My apologies to Guns'n'Roses)
                                       (I didn't write it. Only copied it)

And many others that I can't think of.

Alan

================================================================================
          Alan Wilson                                  Fax: +61-47-314099
     awilson@kralizec.zeta.org.au                    Fido Address 3:713/602
================================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor