From: clare@nynexst.com (Clare Chu)
Subject: Re: Interracial Dating FAQ (was Re: Montel Williams Show)
Organization: Nynex Science and Technology
Distribution: na
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 92 14:36:36 GMT

In article <92277.223633ZQH@psuvm.psu.edu> <ZQH@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:
>In <1992Sep30.220727.25293@CSD-NewsHost.Stanford.EDU>
>ajh@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Alan Hu) writes:
>>       According to the San Francisco
>>       Chronicle/Examiner (Sunday _Image_ supplement, December 2, 1990)
>>       [Look folks!  Real live hard data, not just someone's anecdotal
>>       evidence.] AF/CM marriages outnumber AM/CF marriages by 4 to 1
>>       in San Francisco.  In Sacramento the ratio is 8 to 1.
>>
>Did it state how many of AF/CM are the so-called ``Greencard marriage''
>and how many AF's are ``mail-order brides'' from the Phillipine or
>Thailand???

  What's stopping any Asian American males from using these mail-order
  bride catalogs?  From what I've heard, there is an informal network
  of bragging parents that party in Taiwan and Hong-Kong bringing
  resumes and pictures of their kids.
>
>It will take A LOT OF guts and GREAT courages for a CF to marry an AM
>(to make love is another matter), considering the pressure from her
>parents, peer-pressures from her girlfriends (Asians are no longer
>a rare/mysterious species in this country, and thanks to Hollywood,
>AM has gotten the least desirable image in dating/mating games),
>not to mention look-downs by other whites and even harrassments.

  It does???  Gee, I'll have to ask my friend about her great courage
  and lots of guts.  From what I saw, she pursued the living daylights
  out of him, and even worked on his mother.  She can also choose
  her girlfriends to be Asian American too.  Who says she has to
  stick to prejudiced girlfriends???  As for look-downs, I see her
  bragging all the time about her Chinese-born boyfriend(husband).

  I have another friend who got dumped by her AA boyfriend for some
  girl from Hong Kong.  She sure didn't seem very gutsy, more like
  groveling and desparado... to the point of trying to "eliminate
  competition", by telling any Asian/AA female who'll listen to
  "give your kids a white father."

  I have another friend who goes around bragging to anyone who'll
  listen that her boyfriend is from mainland China, and how she wants
  to practice Chinese.

  If it makes any difference, all three are blonde/blue-eyed Americans.

> B). People who have the ``inferiority complex'' about their own race
>     and just want to marry into the mainstream.
>   I don't think any white would have this kind of symptons.  And they
>   are THE mainstream here in U.S.A.

  Blah, this doesn't exclude whites.  There are whites with "inferiority
  complexes" about their own races too.  Try looking in Hawaii.  I have
  a friend who hates being "hapa-haole", being taunted about it during
  his school days.  I know whites in L.A. who are desparado to get a little
  color into their family, going after Filipinos and Mexicans, for almost
  "maximal" effect.  Some are males, others are females.  Most spend hours
  in the sun, claiming they have a tan, when in fact it looks like crispy
  bacon.  You don't want to tell them, so you say, "Wow, what a 'tan'!"
  My ex-landlady would rather be leathery at an early age, than, (gasp!) pale!
  Pale was the worse insult to many people I knew in L.A./San Diego.

  Maybe the problem with "lighter" Asians like Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans
  is that they don't benefit from this phenomenon of whites going for color,
  because they don't have enough.  I don't see any lack of white females
  with Mexican, Puerto Rican and Filipino men.
>
>   Almost all of marriages in this category are CM/AF because this is
>   still a male-dominated society, and thus an AF with low self-esteem
>   could be quite desirable to CM, while an AM with the same symptoms
>   won't be accepted by CF, period.

  Nobody likes anyone with low-self-esteem, period.  How would you like
  it if someone said to you, "Oh ZQH, I've got such low self-esteem I feel
  like you're the only guy whose standards are low enough to have me."
  And you think that's a prize?

  [skewed ratio of CM/AF explained by third-world economic problems]
>
>   The same thing might also be applied to some international students
>   here in U.S.  By marrying an American, they can easily get GreenCard
>   and be eligible to be U.S. citizens very quickly, and thus be able to
>   bring her relatives to U.S.
>
>   Moreover, there are always some men (in any country/society) who just
>   simply can not get any woman.  Fortunately, for American men, they
>   just happen to be born on this rich land with the highest living
>   standard in the world and a lot of people from other countries want
>   to settle here.  So, you got the so-called ``mail-order bride''
>   business for those desperate men.

  Again, what's to stop that from applying to Asian-American men?
  Asian-American men HAVE U.S. citizenship.  Asian American men
  can help their wives get a GreenCard.  Everything you wrote above
  concerning American men applies equally for Asian American men.
  Added to that the "benefit" in the hearts of these Asian GreenCarders
  of having someone who "looks like" a native of their homeland.
  I knew of girls from Hong-Kong whose purpose in life is to get
  that Green Card, and believe me, they'd rather get a Green Card
  by marrying an American of Hong-Kong ancestry, than any old
  American.  But any old American will do, as long as it's by 1997.
  Their parents would be extremely happy if they got an American
  of Chinese ancestry, with the added plus that this person might
  also speak Cantonese, and they could communicate with their in-laws
  in Cantonese.

  Put in this light, it seems that Asian American men have an advantage
  in the Green Card frenzy.  It's whether or not they want to participate.
  I know that several of my mom's friends have hinted about young women
  from Taiwan or mainland China who want to be students here and want
  my brother to show them around.  My mom and brother are just not interested
  in participating in this game.  I'm sure that if you're a (< 3 generation)
  Asian American, you will have more cultural ties and connections to
  the third-world and get to know of more Green Card seekers from word
  of mouth, thus not requiring "mail-order bride" services.
>
Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american