HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: mhart@blackjack.dt.navy.mil (Michael Hart)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Death Peeve
Date: 14 Apr 92 10:29:30 GMT

Either too busy to read carefully, or simply suffering from 
Monday Morning Brain-Fade(tm), nobody took the time to carefully
read Geoff's post re: the death of Sam Kinison:

>>>Peeve:  My favorite foul-mouthed comic, Sam Kinison, is now playing SRO
>>>        with John Belushi.  

Ok, pay attention now, this is the tricky part.  Note the above 
reference to John Belushi.  The _late_ John Belushi.  Starting to
get the picture yet?  The _late_ John Belushi?  He's dead, too, see?
So, unless John and Elvis are playing at some club together in 
California, the inference was the Sam (see, he's dead now, too) 
would soon be playing the same clubs that John (the dead Belushi)
is playing.
See, they're both dead, so they can both play the same meta-physical
type of clubs.  Oh, you thought SRO was a club?  No no no, sro means
standing room only, you know, like a packed house.  

All right, let me try again...  See, Sam died.  John is already 
dead.  Now they can do stand up together.  

Sheesh.

Geoff, _I_ liked it.  It has that little bit of twist to it that makes
you think a bit.  (Some of us, anyway.)


--
|   Michael G. Hart                   mhart@blackjack.dt.navy.mil    |
|--------------------------------------------------------------------|
|     You think _I_ speak for the government or the navy?  HAH!      |
| Aviation, computers, quality improvement, Northern Exposure, money |
From: egev05@castle.ed.ac.uk (B A Page)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: A Nightmare on West Mains Road Part IV
Keywords: doom, gloom, new dark age, oppression
Date: 13 Apr 92 16:08:15 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <1992Apr10.201809.10446@news.iastate.edu> z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson -- Iowegian) writes:
>In article <20008@castle.ed.ac.uk> egev05@castle.ed.ac.uk (B A Page) writes:
>>8.  I'm on the FUCKING probe again tomorrow I HATE THAT MACHINE.
>
>	Why do I get this mental image suggesting a machine that looks
>quite similar to one of those mechanical bulls but is used for
>gynecological exams?

Congratulations for having mentioned something the thought of which
makes me shudder even more than the thought of the probe.

ProbePeeve;  The probe was being particularly temperamental this
weekend.  The previous user had been doing something rather unusual with
his sample* so that I had to change crystals**.  At this point the machine
decided to pack up.  However, this was not immediately apparent and it
was only when I had spent an hour setting it up to run standards that it
went into a terminal loop and I had to ring the technician.  

*  I'm not telling you :-)

** Real ones (honest, guv)

!Peeve;  On examination of my electricity bill I discovered to my joy
that the BastardProfitMakingElectricityBoard had overcharged me by such
a phenomenal amount last month that THEY OWE ME MONEY

Peeve;  This money could have been in the bank preventing me from
exceeding my Overdraft From Hell and therefore saving me from paying the
BastardWankManager lots of money instead of accruing interest for
Scottish Power.

Peeve;  It being a holiday today it is impossible to

1.  Phone my bank manager
2.  Get an outside line on a university phone
3.  Phone Scottish Power and crow
4.  Move in Cameron Toll (shopping centre) without squashing 15
screaming children (this may be seen by some as an antipeeve but I for
one dislike getting blood on my shoes).

Babs
From: dsc@gemini.tmc.edu (Doug S. Caprette Bldg. 28 W191 x3892)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Lust from afar
Date: 15 Apr 92 15:43:58 GMT
Organization: NASA GSFC CDP VLBI

In article <92103.205659SEK@psuvm.psu.edu> SEK@psuvm.psu.edu (Sonja Kueppers) writes:
>
>Peeve: People who assume that any two members of the opposite gender
>who have a good time together want to have sex together.
>
Well, that assuption is normally half true.  However, most of us understand
the difference between what one wants, vs what one should expect.
From: donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Smoking Surrogate
Date: 13 Apr 92 22:00:39 GMT
Article-I.D.: igor.1992Apr13.220039.7288
Organization: TOSHIBA America MRI, San Francisco

In article <kubci2INNnq1@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM> banta@blagg.Eng.Sun.COM
(242 lbs before cooking) writes:
>Don, has anyone ever mentioned you're a wee bit too literal?  Day in
>and day out, I take gratuitous hacks at people in the attribution
>line.  Why do you stand out in this group as the one fuzzy-headed
>enough to take it seriously?

Rest easy, Andy, there isn't a thing about you that I take seriously.

>>I don't recall ever saying that I
>>look up to you.  
>
>Damn straight.  Keep your attention directed at not getting hair
>caught in your braces, as you have in the past.

What braces?

I take it you haven't read "A Feast of Snakes", by Harry Crews.  Go
ahead and whip it out, dude...

<click>

      don
From: geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Psychology (was: Re: Lawyers not Chemists)
Keywords: *WARNING* Psychobable Ranting
Date: 14 Apr 92 15:48:54 GMT
Followup-To: alt.peeves
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Menlo Park, Ca.
NNTP-Posting-Host: purplehaze.corp.sun.com



In article <lxxjmqd@lynx.unm.edu> hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman) writes:

>Phobias are usually cured by a process of systematic desensitization 
>which the therapist begins by having the client imagine an anxiety-
>producing situation. 


Shrink:  "Today, you're going to spend an hour in the Spider Room."

Patient: "AIEEEEEE!!!"



Geoff


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Geoff Miller                    + + + + + + + +        Sun Microsystems
geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM  + + + + + + + +     Menlo Park, California
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Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin)
Subject: Re: Twain was right!
Keywords: vi, emacs, edlin
Organization: TOSHIBA America MRI, San Francisco
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 92 16:46:53 GMT

In article <a+yjx!#.rickg@netcom.com> rickg@netcom.com (Rick Gordon) writes:
>> [ Lots of contention about nukes, war, governments flushed, ending
>> with: ]
>>I don't have any problem with the realistic notion of governments acting
>>in their own interests; who could expect anything else?  I start having
>>a problem when we are too willing to blast away and justify our actions
>>with reasoning that we'd reject, if another country were to use it

>What does all this have to do with Twain?  Did you somehow make a brilliant
>summation which made a cogent, biting point, bringing to mind something
>Twain said, only to have your editor mangle your work?  Or are we to
>infer something inherently Twainish about your subject matter, writing
>style, or personal attributes?

Well, the debate about military force brought to mind some of Twain's
political writings in "A Pen Warmed Up In Hell".  Specifically, "The
War Prayer" and the massacre of 600 trapped men, women and children in
the Philippines.  Sorry about being so cryptic!

>Are you wearing a white suit?

Yes, the kind where the sleaves tie in back.  I'm typing with by dose
and...Ahhh..Ahhh...ACHOO!

Peeve:  Sneezing on my keyboard from point blank range.

BonusPeeve:  Sneezing inside a motorcycle helmet.

     don
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first
female reptile, implying in a subtle, complimentary way that she was as
succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before."
        - F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896-1940)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don Baldwin  -  Software Engineer  - e-mail to:  donb@tamri.com
From: Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Not Al Crawford)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Just One Gynaecologist
Date: 15 Apr 92 12:41:56 GMT
Reply-To: Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Not Al Crawford)
Organization: Penicuik People's Revolutionary Sheepdog Liberation Front

And lo, egev05@castle.ed.ac.uk (B A Page) spake unto the masses saying:
>
> Socks are particularly useful, I am told, for those times when you are
> stuck out in the field for the day and suddenly last night's curry
> starts gently nudging through the sphincter.  

Somehow the discovery that geologists crap in their socks does not come as
total shock.

WARNING - Extremely Compunerdy Peeve Follows.

ObVeryCompuNerdyPeeve: Why the hell doesn't free() work? When you're
developing an application that requires the best part of 50MB of memory for
even a small data set and is liable to go berserk if given a large one,
it's decidedly peeveful when you discover that despite your best efforts to
allocate as much store as you can dynamically and release it at the first
available opportunity, free() doesn't actually free anything. It just sits
there getting bigger and bigger. Bloody stupid machine.

ObNonCompuNerdyPeeve: Missed record release dates. Why do they even
*bother* announcing a release date when they don't put the stuff out on
time?

--
		Not Al Crawford - Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk
     "The water shines/A sheepdog skips across the face/A dozen times"
From: hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Lawyers not Chemists
Date: 8 Apr 92 14:22:57 GMT
Article-I.D.: lynx.!8qj2+
Organization: Dead Goat Graphics

In article <1992Apr7.164630.987@gnv.ifas.ufl.edu> sac@gnv.ifas.ufl.edu writes:

>Now I went
>to college also. I studied, no doubt, as hard as he; if not harder. I
>painstakingly shoveled others people shit lab work for years to get my
>coveted degrees. The only problem is that I am the only one who covets
>them. Out of college my first position paid $20K per year. What the Fuck
>is that? Most of my fraternity brothers who watched TV through collge
>made more than that out of college!

Gosh, my widdle heart bleeds.

Sounds like *you* studied something that people are willing to pay you to
know. Try graduating from college with a B.A. in psycholology (with a thesis
on Jungian archetypes) and see how many companies are beating down *your*
door to pay you minimum wage.

Shit, man, I graduated four years ago and I have yet to make as much money
in a year as college cost my senior year.

!Peeve: Getting paid to go to grad school. And hey, maybe I'll be able
to get a *real* job when I'm all done. 

d "you want fries with that? well fuck you." h 
-- 
"I used to be an extravert until I decided I hated people. I hate parties, I
 hate classes and I hate going to the supermarket."   -- Melissa Paterson
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: bberbeni@isis.cs.du.edu (Bill Berbenich)
Subject: Re: I'll be honest with you.
Organization: University of Denver, Dept. of Math & Comp. Sci.
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 92 03:04:17 GMT

DAVID.BUSHONG@OFFICE.WANG.COM ("Dave Bushong") writes:

>=========================================================================
>                         We'll miss you, Sam.
>=========================================================================

Kinison or Walton?
--
"Wow!  That was intense!" - Otto
"A repo man's always intense." - Bud
..after car chase with Rodriguez brothers
From: tim@comphy.physics.orst.edu (Tim Mefford)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Jesus is Ralph!
Keywords: I recommened that you increase the dosage.
Date: 8 Apr 92 08:07:34 GMT
Article-I.D.: talon.1992Apr8.080734.27329
Reply-To: tim@comphy.UUCP (Tim Mefford)
Organization: Oregon State University - Univ. Computing Services

Peeve: I have $51.30 upon which to subsist for the rest of the 
       month.

!peeve: Someone threw an egg at Limey twit John Major.

Peeve: The project I am working on has been extended(delayed) for
       another two months.

!Peeve: Someone in NY, feeling despondent, went to the fourth floor
        of a building and jumped out the window.  He landed on a car,
        since he survived, presumably not the hard roofed Volvo. 
        Finding himself still alive, but his troubles not only still
        present, but exacerbated by a few cuts and bruises, he climbed
        off of the car and re-entered the building.  He took the elevator
        to the fourth floor, and, again, jumped out the window.  This
        time, however, against all expectation, he again landed on the 
        same car and again survived.  Having tried this twice, someone
        eventually noticed and he was prevented from having a third
        opportunity.  

Peeve:  I've discovered that the group behind the software package I am
        supposed to be using for the above project are more adept at
        self-promotion than at programming.

In case you haven't noticed, all my peeves seem to be very local, and
all my !peeves remote.

Life is a process of assimilating bitter irony.

ObHope: I've hatched a plan to create the best Strawberry Dacquiri ever
        during Strawberry season this year.  I already have a fine bottle
        of rum imported from Venezuela; I only need to hope that I don't
        miss Strawberry season whilst in Seattle this Summer.

ObBob: Hope

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
      Tim Mefford           |           "vidi, veni"      
  tim@physics.orst.edu      |    -Julius Caesar on Cleopatra
________________________________________________________________
From: geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Tricky Gnosis)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: pocquers (was Re: Smoking Surrogate)
Date: 7 Apr 92 15:42:17 GMT
Followup-To: alt.peeves
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Menlo Park, Ca.
NNTP-Posting-Host: purplehaze.corp.sun.com



In article <1934@transfer.stratus.com> scooter@hirgon.hw.stratus.com 
(Maya the Bee) writes:

>	Both are wrong.  Everyone knows it's "tonic".


Damn!  *That's* the one I was trying to remember yesterday afternoon when
I wrote about "soda."  I *knew* there was another one that was even weirder
and highly regionalistic.  This is a common term in New England, isn't it?
I think I first heard it from someone from Massoftwoshits.

Just as hearing people refer to carbonated soft drinks as "soda" made me think
they were talking about drinking club soda, hearing "tonic" in this context
implies the quaffing of, well, *tonic,* i.e., quinine water.  Either that or
hair tonic.  :-P

One thing I've always enjoyed about Stephen King's writing, by the bye, is 
the way a lot of regionalisms creep in, expressions like "tosspot" and 
"hottop" that we never hear in California.


Geoff


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Geoff Miller                    + + + + + + + +        Sun Microsystems
geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM  + + + + + + + +     Menlo Park, California
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From: bandy@catnip.berkeley.ca.us (poultry in motion)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Vinyl Junkies
Date: 9 Apr 92 05:31:08 GMT
Organization: The People's Number Four Cat Farm, Berkeley CA, USA

banta@blagg.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking) writes:

>one of the PSUVM babes wrote:
>>I don't have anywhere to play them, either.

>Pardon me for asking, but what was the point of this message, then?

Uh, to peeve?

Someone tried to *give* me a tuner-lp-8track player [with quad sound
no less!] a month ago.  I turned him down.
-- 
real address: bandy@catnip.berkeley.ca.us
last choice:  lll-winken!catnip.berkeley.ca.us!bandy

"It's not an adult feature unless someone's gooey at the end."
 -- Bill Hicks
From: egev05@castle.ed.ac.uk (B A Page)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Where'd he get his name?
Date: 16 Apr 92 10:23:32 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <11068@autodesk.COM> booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards) writes:

>This Poaster is 35 and looks like Glenda Jackson with better cheekbones.
>I understand she is running for office there. How is she doing?

She got in as the Labour candidate for Hampstead or something - one of
those bits of London where the candidate with a serious acting career
is going to get in irrespective of party/policy.

Babs
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson -- Iowegian)
Subject: Re: Gender assumptions
Reply-To: z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson -- Iowegian)
Organization: Sensitive Guys Martial Arts and Gun Club
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 1992 05:38:39 GMT

 trytten@ahmeek.cps.msu.edu (Deborah Trytten) writes:
>
>Women are safer walking on the streets than men are.  So why do we get
>all of this ridiculous bilge about the dangers of women being out alone.

	Because women are less likely to be able to fend off an attacker
using only their strength.  The fact that they are less likely to be
attacked is ignored.  Similar logic is used to prove that motorcycles
are inherently dangerous and we should all drive Volvo's or take the bus.

>The implication that these women *deserved* to be killed
>for failing to listen to these well meaning, fatherly men was
>disgusting.  No one deserves to be raped and murdered.  Not even if
>they were alone after dark.  Not even if they were hitch hiking.

	Are you sure the implication wasn't that those women were
*stupid* for hitch hiking without suitable weapons to prevent this
sort of thing?  I'd certainly consider the possibility of exposing
oneself to a fair amount of danger without taking precautions as
ranking right up there on the stupid scale.

	Peeve: the assumption that, if the victim isn't given large
amounts of pity, the victim deserved it.  Yeah, and the next kid
who cracks up his little sportbike while wearing shorts and Oakley
blades deserved the scarring.  I wouldn't say he deserved it, but
he's sure as hell not getting my sympathy for it, either.

>And, just exactly why is it that a crime perpetrated against a woman
>is more important and newsworthy than the same crime perpetrated against
>a man?   It implies that men are disposable and women are somehow
>special.  I resent being thought of as fragile, and I
>resent the implication (exemplified best by the draft) that men
>are disposable.

	Hear hear!  Tell ya what, if a draft comes along and somehow
I make it through the physical, I'll let you go in my place.

--
<Daniel R. Sorenson   Dod #1066  |If Iowa State University agreed with me >
<z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu <- work |I'd make $90K/yr.  They don't, I don't. >
<viking@iastate.edu      <- play |"I am *not* goofing off.  I am driving  >
< myself mercilessly in the pursuit of relaxation." -- T. Weeds           >
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: yarvin-norman@CS.YALE.EDU (Norman Yarvin)
Subject: Re: Bush For (Ex)President in '92!
Organization: Yale Computer Science Department
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 17:11:30 GMT

cgy@cs.brown.edu (Curtis Yarvin) writes:
>He smells like a goat.

Today I smell like tree spray.

Peeve: tree sprayers.  High-pressure sprayers that spray pesticide not only
over the tree but over all adjacent objects, including passing bicyclists.
Now admittedly it was pretty dumb of me to just bike through the spray, but
it's quite inconsiderate of them to create such a hazard in the first place.
I have my hands full already looking out for muggers, potholes, and cars; I
don't need another hazard.

Before someone objects, New Haven isn't an agricultural area.

--
Norman Yarvin						yarvin@cs.yale.edu
"You have to work on the tone.  Icy superiority is more effective than anger."
	- Steve Dyer
From: donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Smoking Surrogate
Date: 8 Apr 92 19:41:32 GMT
Article-I.D.: igor.1992Apr8.194132.22571
Organization: TOSHIBA America MRI, San Francisco

In article <ku60c0INN4tk@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM> banta@gilia.Eng.Sun.COM
(242 lbs before cooking) writes:
>There are people on this list that can testify that I've been seen
>wandering the beach area of Santa Cruz in January at midnight in
>shorts.  Tie-dyed shorts.  I didn't feel wierd.

Maybe nobody said anything because you're 6'2" and were plugging away
at seals with your ObGun at the time?

Just a thought...

   don
******************************************************************************** Don Baldwin        "Between the idea and the reality,                       ** Software Engineer   Between the motion and the act, falls the shadow.       **                     Between the conception and the creation,                ** donb@tamri.com      Between the emotion and the response, falls the shadow."********************************************************************************
From: geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Bogroll Peeve
Date: 13 Apr 92 15:52:55 GMT
Followup-To: alt.peeves
Organization: Aktiengesellschaften SchellpreBenfabrik
NNTP-Posting-Host: purplehaze.corp.sun.com



In article <9438@wrgate.wr.tek.com> dmunroe@gollum.wr.tek.com (David Munroe) 
writes:

>		[ !Al describes the "Cresta Toilet Tissue System" ]

>An excellent peeve.  This very same "Tissue System" is now showing up here
>and I cannot think of one single improvement it has over the conventional
>dispenser.  


Only one:  the janitors don't have to replace the bogrolls nearly as often.
This device was invented for their convenience, not ours.  I wouldn't mind
the things quite so much if the tissue was decent two-ply stuff.  As it
is, I have to pull out twice as much so that I can fold it so as to avoid
the dread CBS (catastrophic breakthrough syndrome).



Geoff


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Geoff Miller                    + + + + + + + +        Sun Microsystems
geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM  + + + + + + + +     Menlo Park, California
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From: booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Where'd he get his name?
Date: 16 Apr 92 20:20:12 GMT
Organization: Autodesk, Inc., Sausalito, CA

In article <20295@castle.ed.ac.uk> egpv29@castle.ed.ac.uk (JHenderson) writes:
>In article <11068@autodesk.COM> booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards) writes:
>--
>--This Poaster is 35 and looks like Glenda Jackson with better cheekbones.
>--I understand she is running for office there. How is she doing?
>
>But have you got her sexy teeth?


I imagine her sexy teeth are very firmly anchored in her jawbone.
Either that, or they are safely ensconced in the jar by her bedside.

I recall she had big yellow British teeth. If she still does, then
I do, indeed, have teeth like Ms. Jackson.

Peeve: Having big yellow teeth.

!Peeve: It really does not bother me all that much considering that
all 32 are still there and they do what I ask them to do.

ER

--
*"I mean it could make a big difference in your life if you thought that 
*you didn't need to depend on some musty old dogma thats riddled with
*translation problems, and started acting from the center of your own being."
*					-Owen Rowley