From: guthrie@nb.rockwell.com (Karen Guthrie)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Common Sense and Participation
Date: 12 Jan 93 23:44:55 GMT
Distribution: misc
Organization: Rockwell International


> 
> > 
> > 	Research and my OWN research/observations have shown a definitive split
> > in this discussion.  Professional parents CAN have healthy
> > (mentally/physcially) children.  Stay-at-home parents the same.  There IS NO
> > DEFINITIVE solution to the dilemna of how to deal with the kids;  they're
> > different in their needs as anyone else.  One child might benefit wholly from
> > mon-n-dad being gone all day...I've several friends that were like this, and
> > they're on my top ten list of persons I admire for their life skills.  And yet,
> > there's another whose parents were involved heavily in her activities, and yet
> > she's just as strong and able as her male counterparts.  
> > 
> > 	Children simply need to know that they're loved and wanted.  That
> > they've got Mom-n-Dad on their side.  That's it.  It's that easy.  I know, I'm
> > a SOON-TO-BE parent, and there's a lot of difference between saying and doing,
> > and only experience can truly teach.  But we ARE all human beings, yes?  We all
> > have those certain basic needs proscribed by humanity.  
> > 
> > 	Nothing's foolproof, there's no ultimate way of raising a child.  In
> > fact, raising my child isn't going to be the hard part.  It's the first 1-1 1/2
> > that scares me to death!  
> > 
> > 	I've seen both sides of the coin as a child and as an adult (I'm 25
> > now, though I don't feel it yet!)...Children are all the same in this regard. 
> > It's not the toys, it's not the foods, it's not the TV shows.  It's how they
> > feel about themselves that's important, and that comes directly from M-n-D, and
> > how THEY feel about themselves and about Jr.  I'll be frank, this pregnancy is
> > definitely NOT planned, but I realize the implications of any negative images
> > the baby EVEN AT THIS STAGE may contract.  Children need a moderated happy
> > atmosphere for proper maturation.  And this comes from the single-minded
> > dedication to your child's happiness.  Sounds easier than doing, with all the
> > stresses you have to deal with every day?  Yes and no.
> > 
> > 	Yes, it all comes crashing down at the exact moment Jr. decides it's
> > time to play rocket ranger throughout the whole house, running and screaming.
> > 
> > 	But no, just take a deep breath, see things from his perspective.  Life
> > is new and full of all these exciting things.  Yes, he does need temprament so
> > he doesn't get too carried away, but don't restrain that enthusiasm for life.
> > 
> > 	Just my thirty-five cents
> 

Well I hope you are as certain two years after the baby is born as you are now.
But that will take care of itself.  How a child feels about him/herself depends
to a large degree on the parents and other adults paying attention to them and
talking, listening, answering, teaching and putting up with constant testing of
the rules and laws of physics.  A case in point is my daughters two grandmothers.
Both love her dearly and both have spent the same number (roughly) of days caring
for her.  However my daughter will pout if told she is going to one and jump up 
and down with excitement for the other.  WHY?  Because one treats her as an adult
that can play by herself and the other devotes herself to playing with her.  You
earn that love with dozens of cookies baked, stories read, songs sung, nights of
interupted sleep from bad dreams or the flu, by not screaming SHUT UP when the
42nd why in a row comes out of that little mouth, by playing when you would rather
sleep or lay on the couch.  Yes, the kids of professionals can turn out fine.  I 
would have to restructure my entire life if I believed differently since I have
worked full time since she was born.  I think that more than the kids the parents
suffer for both parents working.  At least if they are trying to do it right.
There are plenty of nights where I lay my head on the pillow and realize that I
have gone non-stop all day and I didn't have even 5 minutes to myself.  MY CHOICE.
I just hope I am doing a good job.  I think MOM is the toughest job in the world
because you always know you could have done a little better.

Karen
Newsgroups: misc.kids