From: liz@prc.unisys.com (Liz Loquacious)
Subject: Re: raising children
Followup-To: soc.singles
Organization: Paramax Systems
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 20:20:32 GMT

In article <lfg8ofINNhdp@news.bbn.com>, dhardin@bbn.com (Dawn Hardin) writes:
|> spp@zabriskie.berkeley.edu (Steve Pope) writes:
|> >
|> >There IS nothing "unfortunate" about raising kid(s) alone.
|> >What's unfortunate is society's negative view of this situation,
|> >which is unfounded.
|> 
|> NOTHING unfortunate about it?  How about having no time to yourself and
|> half the money?  How about not having the freedom to take a break or to
|> even get sick?  How about not having a second opinion when those decisions
|> come up?

Just reading what you've quoted here from Steve it sounds like he's belittling
the difficulty associated with being a single parent but I took his overall
message as trying to say that what makes it more difficult is that society
is set up for and views positively only two parent families so the support for
single parent families is not there in the mainstream.  I don't get any support
from my family (who live in New York anyway) and the latest comment about me
which came from my father was that I'm dead to him, supposedly because of the
divorce but he's been hiding behind religous dogma forever and we've never had
a real relationship so it's deeper than that.  I don't think his views are all
that common but it's like mapping unchartered territory for me to look for 
support in the community although I'm making some progress including hopefully
moving to an area where there is much more of a sense of community and support
for lots of lifestyles.  I am finding it hard to ask and I think a lot of
that has to do with how much I've been taught about how self-sufficient adults 
and families are "supposed" to be in this society.  I think that many people
think that two parents ought to be able to do it all without outside
support as well.  At least that's how I felt when I listened to the approbative
comments around a colleague's "knowing what she was doing, having it all
together" since she didn't start her family while being in a situation where
both parents had to work while I was pregnant and planning to come back to work
full time after six months.  There's pressure applied in many ways including 
lack of support that push for a traditional style family even still.  I think 
reality is setting in regarding the acceptance of both parents working but I 
still get comments from relatives (okay, I do have a screwy family) about how 
nice part time would be!   These come even after the divorce!   

I agree that having the help from a second parent would be better 
but I just took his message as being more about society making single
parenting more difficult than it has to be.  The communal house you found
sounds like it's been good for support.  And I've found that it's so much
easier now with Ian being 3 than it was when he was only a year.  I'll even
go back to bed on Saturdays and he'll only wake me up every half hour or
so to change channels or video tapes!  Thank heavens for early morning cartoons
and video tapes!  Not only that but he's wearing big-boy pants!  Good-bye
diapers!  Okay...maybe that's for another newsgroup! :-) 

Liz Loquacious


Newsgroups: alt.romance