From: danoc@earlybird.Eng.Sun.COM (Dan O'Connell [CONTRACTOR])
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Re: Vintage Ann Landers ... and thought experiments.
Date: 2 Sep 1992 23:02:01 GMT
Organization: Subvert the Dominant Paradigm, Inc.
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: remarque.berkeley.edu
Originator: muffy@remarque.berkeley.edu

(Lenore Levine) writes about a vintage Ann Landers column:

 Dear Ann Landers: My youngest brother, "Dennis," waited until he was
 38 years of age to marry. And then he selected a woman who has a
 master's degree but doesn't know enough not to put a wet towel on a
 mahogany table.
 ...
 This column illustrates the way women were traditionally brought up
 to act as social police of other women; to penalize nonstandard
 appearance, lifestyle choices or behavior in their female counterparts.
 
It also shows that men were expected to be little boys, to 
be somehow incapable of doing laundry, sewing, etcetera:
each gender in their place, so to speak. Dennis ought
to take charge of his life and stop depending on "mommy"
to take care of him.

But here's the interesting part:

 My question is: To what extent do you think this sort of behavior occurs
 today, among contemporary women with feminist sensibilities? 
 
I don't really see it among the feminist women I know; but
I do tend to think that when this behavior occurs it isn't
necessarily being done maliciously or with political intent.

Women are socialized from an early age to take care of
people, starting with dolls. Taking care of others becomes
part of being who a woman is, i.e., part of her gender
role.

Part of this responsibility for the sister in question is
to see that her brother gets taken care of; since his
primary female relationship has moved from his mother
to his sister to his wife, the sister wonders how good
a job the wife is doing -- much like a mother-in-law
I suppose.

I think the central issue is one of responsibility. 

                         My impression, from listening to this lady's
 lengthy conversations, was that she valued people mostly by their
 degree of social skill -- and was quite willing to make moral judgments
 about the socially inept (male or female).
 
Just because one is an *ist, doesn't mean one can't be
petty, uncharitable, and elitist.

 Now: thought experiment one. I'm going to a math conference. Most of the
 attendees are men, often either considerably older or younger than me. 

 Thought experiment two. A feminist conference. I'm not the only ...
 This thought experiment doesn't work out very well. I imagine myself being
 ostracized for being socially inept and being called sexist and wicked when 
 I'm really just being a dufus and -- if I have something very clever but
 very weird to say -- not being able to get it across, at all.
 
Perhaps this situation is analogous to going to an the following:
situation one is going to what could be an exciting party with
a lot of people you don't know and may not like.

Situation two is going home to be with the family on a minor
holiday. . .issues/thoughts/feelings aren't nearly as clearcut.

Just a thought.

Dano


-- 
Post articles to soc.feminism, or send email to feminism@ncar.ucar.edu.
Questions and comments may be sent to feminism-request@ncar.ucar.edu.  This
newsgroup is moderated by several people, so please use the mail aliases. Your
article should be posted within several days.  Rejections notified by email.