From: guest@chopin.Physics.McGill.CA (Muhep Guest account)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: The Definitive STAR TREK Parody Chapter 7
Keywords: Parody
Date: 23 Jan 93 01:56:55 GMT
Organization: SOCS, McGill University, Montreal, Canada


                    The Definitive STAR TREK Parody

                                Chapter 7


                      Encounter at the Neutral Zone

Picard arrives on the bridge from his ready room.

"Number One!"

Riker looks up.  "Yes?"

Picard sits down.  "I've just received a comuniqu\'e from Starfleet.
         There's a Romulan warbird crossing the Neutral Zone."

"Uncloaked?"

"Uncloaked!"

"Sounds like they want to provoke an incident."

"Yes and we're the nearest ship so we'll have to intercept
them.  Ensign Chrusher, put us on an intercept course
with the Romulan warbird."

"Aye Aye, Sir!"

They don't have long to wait before Data confirms the information Picard
recieved from Starfleet.
"We're picking up the Romulan warbird on sensors."

Picard: "Councellor, do you sense anything from the Romulans?"

"No, they're too far away."

Data continues.  "Coming into visual range ... now."

Picard: "Shield's up!  Worf, hail the Romulan vessel."

Data: "The Romulans are powering up their disruptors.  They're
       firing."

Worf: "They are not responding to our hail."

Troi's eyes glaze over.  "Captain, I sense ... hostility."

"Thank you, Councellor.  Data, how long can we withstand the
         Romulan attack?

"At the present rate of bombardment, our shields will stay up
       for one hour, 35 minutes and 26 seconds."

"Good, that gives us time to consider how to respond."

Worf frowns.  "Aren't we going to retaliate?"

"Not until we've considered all available options.  I want
         all senior officiers to assemble in my ready room in ten
         minutes."


Ten minutes later, the meeting begins.

Picard: "Now, Worf has already recommended retaliation.  Does anyone
         here have another suggestion?"

Geordi: "Just this: we could tap auxiliary power through the
          holodecks and at the same time expand their range of influence
          to well beyond the confines of the ship.  Then it'd be a simple
          matter of programming a fleet of Federation starships.  The
          Romulans would most likely break off their attack and return to
          Romulan space."

Picard nods.  "Make it so."


Later, Geordi steps out of the turbolift and arrives on the bridge.

"Captain."

Picard stands up, turns and looks at him.  "Yes, Geordi?"

"It seems auxiliary power is a bit low right now so I had to
          do some rerooting.  Even so, we won't be able to create a
          hologram of an entire fleet."

"So what have you programmed?"

"One starship and two shuttlecrafts."

"It'll have to do.  Make it so."  Picard sits back down.

"Computer: LaForge program 53!"

A hologram of a starship shimmers into view above the two ships.

Data: "The Romulans have broken off their attack."

Worf: "Captain, the containment field around the antimatter in the
       Romulan warp drive has dropped."

The Romulan warbird explodes.

Picard shakes his head. "They destroyed themselves rather than allow
         themselves to be captured.  Worf, inform Starfleet Command of
 the situation.  Ensign Crusher, set a course at Warp 6 for the nearest
         Starbase.  Engage."

Suddenly, there is a violent lurch.  Geordi is thrown off balance and
falls on the floor.

Picard: "Geordi!"  Geordi sits up.  "Geordi, what just happened?"

Geordi gets up and straights his visor.
"Seems I rerooted a bit too much power from the inertia
inhibitors.  They didn't fully compensate for the acceleration."

Worf slowly picks himself up.  "Ugh."

Riker hears Worf and turns to face him.  "Worf, are you alright?"

"Of course, Commander!"

Riker realizes what must have happened and moves toward him.
"But you were thrown against the wall!"

"Yes, well, perhaps it's time I got my own chair."

NEXT: "The Uncanny Q-Men"

Martin Phipps
SCAVIE AWARD WINNER
LOULA@hep.physics.mcgill.ca