From: kamorgan@athena.mit.edu (Keith Morgan)
Subject: 5 Proofs for the existence of Santa Claus
Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 17:58:33 GMT

A Christmas chestnut:

		FIVE PROOFS FOR THE EXISTENCE OF SANTA CLAUS

Whether Santa Claus exists
We proceed thus to the third article:
	 It seems that Santa Claus does not exist.

Objection 1: Presents may be given to us by the good elves, and so
	     there is no need for Santa Claus. 

Objection 2: If Santa Claus existed, there would be no chimneys too
	     narrow for him, but there are chimneys too narrow for
             him, and sometimes none at all.

             Therefore, Santa Claus does not exist.

On the contrary: Kay Starr says "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus."

I answer that the existence of Santa Claus can be proved in five ways.

The first and most manifest argument is the argument from Christmas
trees. It is certain and evident to our senses that some things in
this world are Christmas trees. Now no fir tree becomes a Christmas
tree unless it is trimmed. But to be trimmed means that one perceives
an ornament. And since one cannot go to infinity in the passing on of
Christmas tree ornaments, there must be a first untrimmed Trimmer, and
this everyone understands to be Santa Claus.

The second way is from the notion of Christmas presents. In this world
we find the giving of Christmas presents. Now, he who gives Christmas
presents either made them in his workshop, or got them from someone
else. And since, if no one makes presents in his workshop, there won't
be any giving of Christmas presents, to which everyone gives the name
of Santa Claus. 

The third way is from the plastic images of Santa Claus. In all
department stores, we see plastic images which represent Santa Claus.
Now these are representations of Santa Claus, either because of
Santa himself, or because of some other image of Santa. Now there can
be no infinite regression of representation so there must be something
which is like Santa Claus because it is Santa Claus.

The fourth way is taken from the degree of Christmas spirit. We see
that people in the world have more or less of Christmas spirit. But
"more" or "less" is said only in reference to "most"; so there must be
someone who has the most Christmas spirit; and this someone we call
Santa Claus.

The fifth way is from the conduct of children. As Christmas approaches
we see children who lack intelligence, acting for an end, which is
shown by their always, or almost always, being good. But children
would not be good for Christmas, unless someone ensured that they are
good. This someone is known by all to be Santa Claus.

Reply to objection 1: Since the elves got the presents they give from
                      someone else, they must be, at very most,
                      Santa's helpers.

Reply to objection 2: It is not impossible that Santa Claus uses the
                      door like everyone else.

Keith
--
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Keith Morgan		 	|A nice man is a man of nasty ideas.
kamorgan@athena.mit.edu  	|		Jonathan Swift
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