HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: H*ll of a situation!
Date: 13 Nov 1992 14:52:44 GMT
Organization: BNR Europe Ltd, London Road, Harlow, England.
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.199.202.41

In article <1992Nov12.163019.1802@ccsvax.sfasu.edu> z_arthurjk@ccsvax.sfasu.edu writes:
>I haven't met a nice young woman to have a rewarding relationship
>with in over two years.  Love just isn't on my side.  I'm sort of shy

6 years here.

>around women but I don't think that's the main problem.  People
>have given me a number of answers to this situation.  
>Among them are:
>
>1.  I'm too nice of a guy and I should start being more of a bastard.

Absolutely! Join the club and become a biker bastard from hell & watch the
babes just run at you!

>  
>2.  There are no really nice women around anymore.

Absolutely! All the really nice women are either (a) married/attached 
(b) lesbian (c) dead (d) fictional. This is so obvious I don't know why we 
are constantly surprised by the fact.

>
>3.  Women think my personality is to good to be true.

Ditto! Every woman I've got close to has either (a) been so impressed that 
they have left me as they couldn't stand the guilt of keeping me to 
themselves; or (b) has been overwhelmed by my honesty and sincerity, also
to the point of finding someone less honest and sincere.

>
>4.  Because of my good looks and personality, women assume that
>    I'm already taken.(Don't laugh...I've actually been told this
>    by some of them)

Ditto! Even though I'm an ugly bastard, women always assume "you're so
nice you must have been taken years ago" because I'm a "nice person".

>
>This is one h*ll of a situation to be in!

There are *plenty* of us out here in the same one. 

>What, if anything, can I do to get out of this predicament?
>This is not a joke! I'm serious.

Ditto. But the answer is obvious: be less nice, less perfect and meet more
open-minded single women. Easy-peasy, oh yes.

>
>Jay
>

PS. Yes, I am having a rotten week. :-(

PPS. ;-)

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: "Faustus" <p00056@mail.psi.net>
Subject: Re: Tell me....
Organization: INFERNO
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 13:55:06 GMT
X-Mailer: PSILink (3.01)

>DATE:   7 Nov 1992 23:32:53 -0600
>FROM:   Master of Puppets <jbell@mihi.une.edu.au>
>
>how much pain does it take
>before your heart breaks?
>jbell@mihi.une.edu.au

Don't worry about it... After awhile, you won't even believe you ever
had a heart...

Faustus
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: childish guys - what about girls
Date: 11 Nov 92 01:11:09 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1992Nov10.041623.2147@geovision.gvc.com> barry@geovision.gvc.com (Barry Comer) writes:
>All this talk about childish guys is all well and fine, but what about the
>women of the world.  I for one find a slight childish streak(not a brat type
>of thing, but youthful) in a lady rather refreshing.  What about it folks?
>
>cheers
>Barry
>
Personally, I like the brat/tomboy thing if it is rounded out by some
maturity.  But then there is no accounting for taste.

Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: garg@cs.mcgill.ca (Anurag GARG)
Subject: Very Long Distance Relationships
Summary: VLDR
Keywords: LDR
Organization: SOCS - McGill University, Montreal, Canada
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 21:55:02 GMT

Hello fellow romantics,
   I have been following this newsgroup for quite some time now... I want to
thank a great many of you for the many invaluable insights you have given and
for sharing your personal experiences, both soul-lifting and heart-wrenching.
   Someone posted wanting to know of other LDR'rs. Well here's my situation:
As you can see from the mail header, I am in Montreal, while my Sweety happens
to be half-way round the world in Singapore. The last time I saw her was in
June '91. We have been planning to meet again sometime soon. It's been a bit
tough sometimes, but it will all be worth it when I can look into those beauti-
ful eyes of her's again... Mmmmmmmm.....

Cheers to you all!
- Anurag.
From: chyde@pecos.ads.com (Clinton Hyde)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: childish guys and love
Date: 5 Nov 92 19:12:21 GMT
Organization: Advanced Decision Systems, Mountain View, CA 94043, +1 (415)
	960-7300


;;( do things associated with children like watch cartoon, take pleasure
;;from simple things in life like watching nature, and generally goof
;;off most of the time and take everything as a joke and nothing
;;seriously except classes)

nothing wrong/bad with any of these things. I watch cartoons (question
is which ones: if you watch Smurfs, that's probably giving the wrong
impression. Duck Tales, on the other hand, is classic stuff,
multi-level viewing like old 30s/40s stuff (Launchpad McQuack,
adventurer, says in one episode: "Snakes?! I hate snakes! No wait,
that's some other guy! I kinda like snakes." -- what guy is he
referring to ? Indiana Jones) )

since most of life can be viewed from a humorous angle, taking
everything as a joke is hardly bad.

what's to grow up? you take your studies seriously, do well in
college, things will happen.

I was a sophomore in college 15 years ago. it was another decade
before a woman was in love with me. don't rush things.

don't worry about it too much. no one is really very "grown up" even
part way through college. if folks are still saying this when you're
25...that might be a different story.

or, you could get some new friends, ones who won't call you childish.

 -- clint
--

Clint Hyde		"Give me a LispM or give me death!" -- anonymous

Advanced Decision Systems/BAH	Internet:  chyde@chesapeake.ads.com
1953 Gallows Rd, Suite 600
Vienna, VA  22182-3934		(703) 902-7130
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.personals
From: davis@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Barbara Davis)
Subject: Re: WANTED: REWARD OFFERED
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 23:08:39 GMT

wljohnso@nyx.cs.du.edu () writes:

>In article <1992Nov11.215706.24313@ucsu.Colorado.EDU> davis@ucsu.Colorado
>EDU (Barbara Davis) writes:
>>hhamid@nyx.cs.du.edu (hassan  hamid) writes:
>>
>>>If you are a woman aged 17-24, 5'4"-5'9" tall, with beautiful eyes, goo

>>>figure, pretty face, and a blonde or brunnete with softly permed hair,
>>>then let me KNOW THAT YOU EXIST AND ARE READING THIS MESSAGE. I LOVE YO
>.
>>>HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
>>>---HASSAN.
>>
>>According to your post of a few weeks ago, this is a total waste of
>>bandwidth since the really great looking women are in majors that never
>>use computers.
>>
>>I won't even comment on what type of man can love a woman based solely
>>on her looks.  You wouldn't get what I mean and most of the rest of us
>>know exactly what I mean.
>>
>>Barb
>>-- 
>>Barbara G. Davis                       Internet:  davis@ucsu.colorado.ed

>>University of Colorado, Boulder 
>>
>>                   If I don't ask, you can't say, "Yes!".


>The Inquisition, what a show...
>The Inquisition, hey lets go...
> 
>Don;t include me in anything you say.  Seems like Hassan was slightly
>mis-spoken and apologized for it.  However while you too may be educated,
>you are a twit.  And an opinionated one, which makes you even more
>annoying right now.

Hmmmm....  I see that misspoke has become a synonym for ability to offend
great masses of folks with a few mischosen words.

Hassan has now managed to 'misspoke' a second time.  He has become too
big a target for my flamethrower.  I need a challenge.  He makes it much
too easy <evil grin>.

I assure you that you are not included in the group I was referring to.
The group of posters and email correspondents I was talking about 
demonstrate creativity, good humor and ability to comprehend the 
effect of their words.

I'm not sure where the reference to my education came from.  I don't
remember saying *anything* about my level of education.  I have *said* that
education and good taste are not synonymous as demonstrated by *two*, count
them *two* posts by Hassan that lack good taste.  He does get credit for
being a consistant bozo.

>Who elected you alt.personals.queen?  

You do need to make up your mind.  Am I a twit or am I a queen?  Maybe I am
a queenly twit, or perhaps a twitly queen.  Or am I that most horrible of
creatures; a self-confident, articulate and very opinionated woman who is
not afraid of confrontation.

>---------------------------------
>William "Wes" "Gener" Johnson  |
>--------------------------------
>Jungle Drums, Word Of Mouth

>P

Barb (Thanks for the best laugh I've had in minutes!  And now I have a new
      line to describe myself.  Now I can say I am opinionated *and* annoying!)
-- 
Barbara G. Davis                       Internet:  davis@ucsu.colorado.edu
University of Colorado, Boulder 

                   If I don't ask, you can't say, "Yes!".
From: wallich@ncd.com (Ken Wallich)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: letters, opinions, women, romance
Date: 9 Nov 92 18:37:32 GMT
Reply-To: wallich@ncd.com (Ken Wallich)

td1k+@andrew.cmu.edu (Timothy James Davison) writes:

>In letter, I end up reading too
>much into each word that is used.  that can be very bad.  In talking it
>is almost always a two- way conversation, in a letter you are giving
>your side to someone and let them respond afterwards.  Makes it much
>more difficult to clarify things.  Asking questions is out with letters.
> 

>	So, my vote goes to talking instead of writing if possible.  I admit
>that might not be possible in every situation.

All true.  I find that I also am very critical of letters I receive,
much more so than any other type of communication.  Especially in a
hand-written letter, when someone thought of a particular phrase, then
put pen to paper, it seems to hold a lot of weight.  I'm less critical
with electronic communcation, since I know how fast I whip this stuff
off, and it's usually stream of conciousness, and I often don't even
go back to proof-read my text.

On the other hand, talking is often not possible, especially if you
have friends who live far away, and don't have/want computers.  I have
several friends in the midwest and east coast (I live in California),
and a couple friends in Europe.  One I correspond with regularly lives
in Germany, and although our phone conversations while they lived in
the States would last several hours, we can't do that now.  Not having
computer access (and her not knowing how to type), means that letters
are all that's left.  Letters can be fun, you just have to learn new
ways of communicating what's on your mind.  I find the experimentation
a lot of fun.

I agree with you that face-to-face communication is best, probably
followed by phone conversations.  For me, email would be next, with
physical letters being last.  Each form is a different animal to me,
though, and I find I communicate very differently depending on which
form I'm using.  I'm pretty good at expressing my feelings and
thoughts when using letters, email, or when face-to-face.  With a
phone conversation though, I have a really tough time expressing
myself that way.  Answering questions via physical mail is a pain,
whereas face-to-face and telephone are the best medium for that.  So,
all of them are fun, each has advantages and drawbacks.  My ideal in a
romantic relationship is personal contact, and handwritten letters for
'serious' communication, and phone and email for arranging lunch
meeting times and such.


--
Ken Wallich
wallich@ncd.com  
ken@wallich.com
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: amymw@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Amy Wisotsky)
Subject: Re: letters, opinions, women, romance
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 17:09:47 GMT

01ksdavis@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu (Rebel without a clue.) writes:

>In article <Bx8GBn.DHF@news.cso.uiuc.edu>, bzb47596@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Phaedrus) writes:

>> I am interested in knowing the opinions of a.r men and women on the
>>effectiveness and usefulness of writing letters (man-->woman, or
>>woman-->man) because I have found myself spilling my guts a lot
>>more often in letters than in person.

My boyfriend and I often resolve our arguments through email.  In this
way, we can each get out our thoughts without being interrupted by the
other person.  It also allows us to go over what we have said, making
sure that we have expressed our feelings without being rude or
insensitive.  I don't think there's anything wrong with spilling guts
in a letter, as long as the two people involved are also able to
converse in person.

							-Amy-
							 :)
--
	#include ".sig"
	#define AMY amymw@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu
		:)



Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Subject: Re: H*ll of a situation!
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
Date: 13 Nov 1992 09:08 EST  

In article <1992Nov12.163019.1802@ccsvax.sfasu.edu>, z_arthurjk@ccsvax.sfasu.edu writes...

Paraphrased...

>I haven't met a nice young woman ...

[Because]

> 
>1.  I'm too nice ...[Munch]
>  
>2.  [There aren't any women nice as me.]
> 
>3.  Women think my personality is to good to be true. [I didn't have to 
     *touch* this one.]

>4.  [I'm too good looking and nice.]

>This is one h*ll of a situation to be in!

[Indeed]

>What, if anything, can I do to get out of this predicament?
>This is not a joke! 

[... perspective, I guess. ]

>I'm serious.
> 
>Jay


Jay,

Did it ever occur to you that *perhaps* nobody can take the `sugar' buzz 
when they're around you ? I know *I* was beginning to gag, and *I'm* not 
even looking for a nice guy. If you think I'm joking here, think again. It 
may be that you are *too* enamored of yourself... it sure sounds like 
you're pretty convinced from *this* post.

If you *are* as blessed as you indicate here, perhaps you're not looking in 
the right places ... or sending the right signals. From personal experience,
put a wide gold band on the ring finger of your left hand. Quasimodo could 
have gotten hit on if he'd been married. 


-- Stephen

	Growing up is easier than you think ... one day, you just wake
	up an adult ... and mourn your loss. 

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: turner@reed.edu (nobody's sister)
Subject: Re: Attention Advice Givers (ie HELP)
Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 21:07:16 GMT

In article <7NOV199217534560@stars.gsfc.nasa.gov> casey@stars.gsfc.nasa.gov (Sean Casey GSFC (301)286-4558) writes:
>Isn't this the difference between men and women. Men are entrusted with 
>the responsibility of taking charge in a relationship. In particular,
>it's men that always (ah, mostly) make the first move. Women, on the other
>hand, assume a passive role and take or refuse offers as they come.
>I don't think nature has a course in regard to relationships. It's
>only from the female perspective that "pushing" and "nudging" seem
>un-unatural. 

It's a good thing you said mostly about who makes the first move.  I think
that's only been true a couple times for me (he made the first move, but I
can't think of any particular examples.  At least not among guys I was
involved with for a while, well maybe one who made the first move.).
The guy that I'm currently seeing..if I'd waited for him to make the first
move we would have probably never gone out.  Even now he rarely is the one
who plans something, but he does sometimes.  As it is I invited him to
Sunday Brunch (with other people) then a week later to dinner at my house
and the rest just happened.  He also says he's never made the first move.
But then with his blue eyes and smile I can easily understand why women
would pursue him.  *grin*

As for best "invitation" out, "You look like someone who needs to be taken
out to breakfast."  Him to me in the shower this weekend.  

As for romantic (yes, I know I'm babbling): walking in the rain after the
car's broken down.  This can either be fun, or miserable, depending on how
much the other person bitches about it.  It seems to me that's a good test
of character.  ;-)

	Johanna

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: huesmann@wam.umd.edu (Joseph Edward Huesmann)
Subject: Re: What kind of flowers?
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 11:45:15 GMT

In article <1992Nov11.065744.14161@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu> rllai@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu (Roberto L. Lai) writes:
>A female friend is having her 21st birthday soon, and I've decided to
>send her flowers.  Now, I know red roses mean love, and white friendship,
>but there are more -- does anyone out there know the rest?  She knows
>deep down I'm crazy about her, so if I send her all red roses she won't
>freak out or anything, but I'd like to mix other colors or flowers in
>so the flowers would be more personal and interesting.  Cost won't
>be a factor, but she's not the type who'd be impressed by price-tags.
>
>Any suggestions?
>
>

Red = Passion/Love
White = Purity
Yellow = Respect
Pink = Friendship

... not that all women know the colors' significance anyway...

Joe

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|  huesmann@wam.umd.edu     "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all   |
|  Joseph E. Huesmann        the world, she walks into mine!"                |
|                                              -- Rick Blaine, "Casablanca"  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: dbj@cs.washington.edu (Dave Johnson)
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Organization: Computer Science & Engineering, U. of Washington, Seattle
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 92 17:09:37 GMT

In article <1992Nov12.022755.17214@microsoft.com> allanl@microsoft.com (Allan Lockridge) writes:
>What is the longest period of time between boyfriend/girlfriend?
>Basically, I am interested in what is considered a normal length
>of time after one breaks up to when a new boy/girlfriend is found.

One ex-sweetie of mine appears to have a negative time of
about 2-3 weeks.  She seems to start working on the next one
before terminating the current one.  Really messed her up
when I told her I didn't want to be involved any more--she
was used to being the one in control of things.
-- 
  Dave Johnson

"You're not too smart, are you?  I like that in a man."
    --Kathleen Turner in Body Heat 
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews)
Subject: Re: Help Needed
Organization: CSIRO Div. Maths & Stats, CSIRO Div. Applied Physics
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 21:19:27 GMT

In a recent article, nxie@oucsace.cs.ohiou.edu (Nandi Xie) writes...


> I have been waiting for the Mr. Right for a long time.

Aren't we all? :-)

> Then it came this guy I met in school. We became good
> friends. Then he moved to some other state. We've
> exchanged emails, and we've talked quite a bit. I find

Sound's great so far...

> that I'm really involed. But the problem is, he is 
> married and he has a child. So I never tell him what I

OOPS! Uh-oh! No No No - Bzzzzzzt - Wrong Answer!
(Sorry, I just have a personal policy of not messing
with other people's marriages, no matter how much I
like someone. Methinks it is the height of selfishness.

> am feeling. Yet I am affraid that our friendship would

Oh good. Probably safer that way. Friendship? Above, you
seem to imply that you feel stronger than that?

> affect their merriage. Anybody has any suggestions? I

Methinks that friendship would be fine, providing he is
the monogamous type, and his SO is not the jealous type!
Friendship is cool, and people don't generally stop
having friends of both sexes when they get married. To
my way of thought, it shouldn't go any further than
just friends. If it is appropriate, be friends
with his SO too. 

Methinks you might hurt yourself by wanting to be more
than friends, if you tell him, you could hurt him, and
maybe even hurt his marriage. Be his friend, but don't
love him. (tough I know, but stick around here, we'll
look after you!) Besides, judging by what people have to
say around here (and my own personal experience) there
is an excellent chance you will meet your own SO right
here in this newsgroup... :-)

> am really confused in this situation.

And that my dear applies to much of life! Especially this
finding Mr/Miss Right stuff :-) Ooooh how I wish we
came with an instruction book!

Good luck, be cool, be kind, and enjoy life... :-)
<supportive hug>

stuartb, a psudonym

-- 
"Somebody thought of it                 #    "I do not agree with what you say
 And someone believed it                #     But I will fight to the death for
 And look what it's done so far"	#     your right to say it"
                  (Kermit the Frog)     #               (Rumpole of the Bailey)
################################################################################
Stuart Andrews
stuarta@syd.dms.csiro.au
Opinions posted here are mine and do not necessarily comply with those of CSIRO
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: kmc8z@Virginia.EDU ("***** Tina C *****")
Subject: Re: letters, opinions, women, romance
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 19:56:55 GMT

In ref. to letters:

	I really do think it makes a difference to women at
least (being as i am one...i can say that).  The guys that I
write to seem to appreciate it too, but just not as vocally.

	I had a major discussion with someone I used to date
about how he would NEVER write back (i wrote 3-4 times a month)
and he just didn't understand the difference between writing
and calling.  I don't know if its just me, but I think there's
a place for both.  Letters are CONCRETE...you can look at them
again if you need a pick-me-up, they are easier to think about
and respond to, and there's just something terrific about
getting mail that's not present with e-mail or phone for me.
My advice to all of my friends who do the long-distance thing
is to write...even if they're only short notes, especially if
you have things that are hard to express over the phone.

tina
From: pablo@eye1.cognet.ucla.edu (Pablo Lapuerta)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Falling in love via phone?
Date: 9 Nov 92 21:44:44 GMT
Reply-To: pablo@cognet.ucla.edu
Distribution: ca
Organization: UCLA Cognitive Science Research Program

In article <1992Nov7.204108.3155@cognet.ucla.edu>  
pablo@eye1.cognet.ucla.edu (Pablo Lapuerta) writes:
> In article <1992Nov5.164359.44445@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu>  
> sbecker@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu writes:
> > 
> > I hope all of you folks out there will give me some feedback on the  
> situation I
> > find myself in.  I met someone via alt.personals (I am somewhat  
> embarrassed to
> > admit) and we've been conducting epic phone calls for the past three  
> weeks. 
> > The conversations have heated up, become quite intimate, with each of  
us
> > sharing secret fears and hoped, even having phone sex the last few  
times
> > (blush)
> > 
> > What I want to know is do you think it's possible to fall in love on  
the  
> phone?
> >  Or am I/are we delusing ourselves?  He's visiting me here in Kansas  
> from Utah
> > this weekend and I'm nervous, anxious, excited . . .any  
advice/feednack  
> on this
> > subject?  I'm new to the net and haven't even met *friends* this way  
> before.
> > 
> > Wish us luck!b1

How did the weekend go?  Did things work out between the two of you?
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.personals