From: elg@elgamy.jpunix.com (Eric Lee Green)
Date: 6 Jan 93 22:13:56 CDT
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Help with Spanking Alternatives
Distribution: world
Organization: Eric's Amiga 2000 @ Home

From article <1993Jan4.045240.11706@news2.cis.umn.edu>, by Theresa Jarosz Alberti <sapphire@wings.micro.umn.edu>:
> Another problem has been feeding time.  They've gotten into very
> purposefully throwing their food on the floor.  We say "no!" loud, louder
> and even louder, and they smile cunningly and drop the food slowly onto
> the floor.  We've gotten into spaking their hands for this and
> threatening to take them out of their high chairs.  Sometimes they even
> smile after being slapped!
>
> What is most frustrating is that I do not want to slap them.  I want
> there to be a way to discipline my children without hitting, but I'm not
> sure what else to do.  I can see when they're a little older I can use
> "time-outs" and simple cause-and-effect, but what to do with 17 month
> olds?

Actually, 17 months is old enough for very simple cause-and-effect.
However, they will test you out several times before they really believe
you.

Any good discipline plan consists of two parts. The first part details what
behaviors you expect of the children, and what positive consequences you
will hand out when these behaviors occur. The second part details what
behaviors you don't want from the children, and what negative consequences
you will hand out when these behaviors occur.

     So: in your situation up there, we have two behaviors to work on. The
expected behavior is for the child to eat without dumping his food on the
floor. If the child manages to do this, reward him! It works with dogs,
after all. Are you saying that your 17-month-old is dumber than a dog?
    If he ALWAYS dumps his food on the floor now, detirmine the longest
period of time that he currently goes without dumping his food on the
floor. I.e., if he sometimes manages to eat for three minutes straight
without dropping food, reward him every time he manages three minutes
without dropping food. Use a kitchen timer ($5 from Walmart) and place it
into plain view. Every time the timer goes off, reward him. If he drops
food on the floor, ignore it, and restart the timer. If he starts dropping
food continuously on the floor just to watch you play with the timer, turn
off the timer and turn your back completely. CONSISTENTLY ignoring
attention-getting behavior will extinguish that attention-getting behavior
-- though some food may fly while he tests your mettle!
    It's important to GRADUALLY increase the amount of time you expect him
to go before you reward him. 5 minutes without throwing food gets a reward,
then 6 minutes, then 7 minutes, onward until you have the whole 20-minute
meal period. Then you want to gradually fade out the reward. An effective
way of setting up a random schedule of reinforcement is to use a die
(singular of dice). For example, maybe 5 or below gets a reward and 6
doesn't, when you're just starting to fade out the reinforcement schedule.
Then GRADUALLY fade out until he only gets a reward when you toss a 1. For
older kids, it turns it into a gamble, and gambling can be very addictive.
For younger kids, you probably don't want to clue in the kid that you're
tossing that die to decide whether to reward him or not.
    Note that I don't mention what a reward is. You know your child. You'll
have to figure that out. It'll probably be an edible reward with a very
young child, like the dog biscuits used with dogs. I teach older kids, so I
don't use edibles. When I use the timer with the students I teach, I
usually make the reward be a social reward along the lines of "I bet you
can't stand straight in line without talking for five minutes" "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!" "Can too." "Prove it." (Get out timer). Then when he manages to
display the desired behavior for the required time (NEVER set up a
situation that the kid cannot do with reasonable effort), I might bip him
and say "Darn! I guess you sure proved ME wrong!", and the kid feels good
because he feels he's put something over on me. I have a kid in my class
who responds very well to that sort of thing, who has figured out what sort
of things I enjoy seeing from him, and who will actually do part of my job
for me by setting up situations where I can compliment him or give him a
pat on the back and then he brings it to my attention. On the other hand,
there are kids in my class who would NOT respond to that sort of thing! It
all depends on the child. You know your child best.


The above combination (total ignoring of the misbehavior, while rewarding
the desired behavior) will work almost 100% of the time. However,
occasionally the child finds the misbehavior to be more rewarding than any
reasonable reward that you can provide. Then you have to provide negative
consequences for misbehavior.


Negative consequences should be IMMEDIATE, and should be EFFECTIVE. That
is, negative consequences should immediately terminate the behavior and
make it impossible for that behavior to continue.

If yelling "No!" at the child does not immediately terminate the behavior,
then "No!" is not a negative consequence. If slapping the child's hand does
not immediately terminate the behavior, then slapping the child's hand is
not a negative consequence.

One negative consequence is removal from reinforcement. You might
IMMEDIATELY remove the child from the highchair the first time he tosses
food, and time him out. Timeout DOES work for children this young -- it's
just more troublesome because you cannot just stand the kid in the corner.
With a younger kid you could toss him into the playpen and remove all toys
etc. With a kid who is "inbetween", you may want to set up a timeout booth
of some sort. Note that there are very strict requirements which must be
followed to differentiate a timeout booth from child abuse. First, it
should be safe and well-lighted, and the child should be plainly audible
and at least partially visible -- do NOT toss a child into a closet!
Second, timeout should only be 3 to 5 minutes, and should NEVER be longer
than fifteen minutes. Longer than fifteen minutes, we're not talking
removal from reinforcement -- we're talking solitary confinement. Note that
with a very young child, there will probably be crying or acting out when
you first enforce timeout. This goes away if timeout is consistently
enforced. Give in, and you'll never be rid of the crying or acting out.

Another negative consequence is logical or natural consequences. Thus if
the child tosses food onto the floor, you might say "I see that you are no
longer hungry. Dinner is over." Then remove the food from in front of the
child. This meets all the criteria for immediacy and effectiveness -- it
happens immediately, and it's effective in that if the kid has no food, he
can no longer misbehave. Then the kid will probably bawl and scream and
whimper. Whatever you do, do NOT give in once you have enforced your
consequence.

If you're concerned that this doesn't allow your child to get enough food
(i.e., the kid starts tossing food on the floor the moment it is placed
before him!), you may wish to try again in thirty minutes or so. Or else,
if the kid is tossing food on the floor immediately, you can "time out" in
the highchair. Remove food from in front of him, say "I see that you did
not wish to eat, I will try again in five minutes,", then place the food
out of reach but within plain sight. Then IGNORE. Don't listen to screams
or shouts or anything. If you don't ignore, then it will not work -- the
kid will simply use this to get attention. Note that the food will start
getting cold and yucky. If the kid refuses to eat it, put it away, and try
again in thirty minutes or so -- with the same cold yucky food. If the kid
still refuses to eat, toss the food in the garbage. No kid will voluntarily
starve himself to death. He'll be peeved and maybe throw a temper tantrum,
but he'll have learned that you're serious and that misbehavior in the high
chair leads to consequences that he does NOT like. And this WILL work. It
works with dogs. It should work with 18-month-old children, too. I know
that it works with my 10-to-12-year-old students. I use something similar
for misbehavior in the cafeteria -- they get to spend five minutes staring
at their food getting cold if they decide they want to cut up, and if they
start tossing food around, well, that's the end of lunch.

With verbal children like I teach, you can first lay out the desired
behaviors, undesired behaviors, and consequences. With pre-verbal or barely
verbal children like a typical toddler, on the other hand, this probably
isn't too effective. Do it, but expect the kid to be surprised when you
actually do enforce the consequence. Don't let that stop you. Don't argue,
don't get emotional, don't give in to the child, just enforce the
consequence like a good little robot. The kid will get the message. After a
couple of times enforcing an effective negative consequence, the kid will
NOT engage in the misbehavior. At least, not while you are there! (When
you're NOT there... well, that's why you want to reward desired behaviors,
too!).

None of what I just mentioned is particularly revolutionary. It's basic
behavior management, loosely based on behaviorist psychology. It's also one
way of avoiding power struggles... it's no longer you against the kid, it's
a matter of applying a consequence when a certain behavior is displayed.
This is just one way of handling things, I must stress. This is not the
holy grail. It is something that I use in the classroom to deal with kids
who have problems with impulse control or who display inappropriate
attention-seeking behaviors. In the case of clear-cut violation of
well-defined rules, I do not feel it necessary or effective to discuss the
violation -- I ship the kid to timeout and don't worry about it. In a home,
though, you have more lattitude. Still, you do NOT back down when you set
up a behavior/consequence pair, period, and you DO enforce your
expectations consistently. Anything else actually REINFORCES undesired
behavior -- it makes that behavior more likely.

--
 Eric Lee Green  elg@elgamy.jpunix.com   Dodson Elementary
 (713) 664-6446                             Houston, TX
                "Kids are kids, no matter what"
Newsgroups: misc.kids