HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Thanks for the advice
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Fri, 31 Jul 1992 15:32:24 GMT

CEG112@psuvm.psu.edu () writes:

: Thanks so much to everyone for all the advice I have received.  I'll let you
: know how things go.
: 
: Christine
: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
: ceg112@psuvm.psu.edu           | "If you love something very much,
:                                |  Let it go free.
:                                |  If it returns, love it forever.
:                                |  If it does not, it was never meant to be.---
:                                |                          Unknown
: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like the one that goes "...If it does not, hunt it down and kill it!"

:) :) :)  [for the humor-impaired]
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/269-8125
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au (Murray Chapman)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: PLEASE HELP - LIFE &DEATH
Date: 30 Jul 92 04:25:53 GMT
Reply-To: muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au

In <Bs3Kq2.8M3@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu> shulick@navajo.ucs.indiana.edu (Sam Hulick) writes:


>My friend came back to town.. and she told me she's bulemic.  She'll eat 
>something, then throw it up later, and now it's gotten to the point where 
>blood is present.  HELP!  She's gone to a counselor, but it didn't help.  *I*
>have to help her, but how?  What can I possibly do/say to convince her & show
>her that she's destroying herself?  Respond via e-mail. (shulick@indiana.edu)


Seek professional help.  NOW!  Try a dietician, NOT a GP.

>Sam Hulick  ///  E-mail: shulick@indiana.edu (including NeXT mail)

Murray Chapman
muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au
From: bicker@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Essence of Relationships
Date: 22 Jul 92 13:57:48 GMT
Reply-To: Brian.C.Kohn@att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality)
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: The Internet

In article <quan.711766066@sol> quan@sol.surv.utas.edu.au (Stephen Quan) writes:
>rpatel@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Rachana D Patel) writes:
>[Sorry!  I don't have any other worthwhile comments to share on the
>  other points]

And I missed this point in my original reponse to Rachana!

>>Now  I am curious about the other reasons. 
>>Is it spending more time with the other person? A greater time commitment?

Sometimes, I spend more time with my former girlfriend than with my RP,
because my RP lives a couple of hundred miles away.  Short-term time
commitment is not a overriding factor.  (Long-term time commitment is,
however.)


-- 
Brian Charles Kohn             E-MAIL: att!hoqax!bicker  (bicker@hoqax.ATT.COM)
Poet of "Quality"
    'Hope, not fear, is the most positive advocate of action.' - S.R. Lawhead
                   Stamp Out "SO": "RP" = "Romantic Partner"
Xref: sparky alt.romance:10215 soc.couples:3424
From: tpe36878@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Mr. Mensa )
Subject: Re: Essence of Relationships
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 05:16:27 GMT

rpatel@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Rachana D Patel) writes:

>I was thinking about relationships in general and would like to hear some
>input from the rest of you. I am trying to figure out the true meaning
>or philosophical meaning of the need to have relationships. 
>Basically, I would like to undertand the difference between a relatioship
>and a strong/close friendship. 
>Now  I am curious about the other reasons. 
>Is it spending more time with the other person? A greater time commitment?
>Mutual understanding? Being able to talk about anything on your mind?
>Being able to go to the person and feeling better? Having a good time
>and not getting into major disagreements?
>Accepting the other's faults in turn for the other qualities of the person?
>Giving each other freedom when needed? 

	Rachana:
	well, I am in the friend/lover boat right now....starting up a
	loving relationship with a VERY close friend. I must say that, well
	one of the major differences between a relationship and a close
	friendship is that in a relationship, there is a lot more at stake.
	The thing about frienship is that there is almost nothing at stake.
	Even say, when your best friend is of the opposite sex. You see, the
	reason a friendship is such a wonderful relationship (true, close
	friendships) is that the you always know that the other person loves
	you. With a relationship, due to our innate nature as humans to doubt
	ourselves, and especially at shaky times in a relationship, we find
	ourselves questioning the feelings the other person has for us. We
	need to hear her/him say, 'I love you' many times to believe it.
	Everyone experiences this in relationships at some point.

>I mean, couldn't you find these qualities in a friend? Wouldn't these 
>qualities come about if you were good friends with the person? 
>What I am trying to understand is the line between a close friendship and
>a relationship. 
	Again, speaking from my experience....
	There is a BIG gap between friendship and romance, as I so recently 
	found out. I have many female friends, and I spend a great deal of
	time with them, occasionally sharing a bed when lack of space
	requires it, or just holding a friend when she really needs it, but
	there is nothing going on other than friendship. One day, you may wake
	up realizing that there is a friend who stands out from all the rest,
	one that you would like to share your heart with on a more intimate
	level. Basically, the difference between friends and lovers is that
	well....friends are friends and lovers are lovers. But they can be
	both. Confusing, eh?


	thomas ehardt
	tpe36878@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
	Oskee-Wow-Wow!

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: esper@cs35b.cs.umn.edu (Dave Sherohman)
Subject: Re: Poll results
Organization: University of Minnesota
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1992 15:50:20 GMT

In article <1992Jul30.085503.5859@iscsvax.uni.edu> markway1112@iscsvax.uni.edu writes:
>Greetings fellow romantics-
Hail and fair weather!
>
>Anyway, enough of my blabbing... those for pre-marital sex,
>11; those against, 9.
Are you including your own vote in these totals?

Arguments for:

>"gives you a better idea of what marriage is all about",
Only if you think marriage is all about sex...

> "things
>stagnate if sex is ruled out of a relationship",
There are plenty of other areas in which you can grow.  My relationships with
friends continue to grow after years without sex; as friendship should be a part
or any romantic relationship, it provides an avenue for non-sexual growth.

> "it is the key
>to trust"
Ugh.  I don't want to try counting all the people I trust whom I haven't had
sex with.  Somehow I don't think sex is the key to trust...  And what about the
possibility of lost trust because 'if s/he's done this with me, how many other
people has (or is) s/he done it with?'

Arguments against:

>"sex is the ultimate intimacy to make
>your marriage relationship different from all others",
Different from all other marriages? ;)  Seriously, though, it is the ultimate
_physical_ intimacy.  Emotional intimacies can be somewhat stronger, I believe.

> "makes breaking
>up more difficult",
Depends on the people involved.  Enough 'casual sex' and I dubt that it'll
have much effect.

> "people sometimes use sex as a substitute for
>getting to know each other or discussing problems",
Going a step further, people sometimes use sex as a substitute for communication
so effectively for so long that they lose the ability to communicate with each
other.  Of course, this can occur with almost any activity.  It's just easier
to do with sex.

>"no one was ever hurt by not engaging
>in pre-marital sex; but I know plenty who were hurt if they did".
You'll probably get a respone to this one about how two people who had been
sexually active (but not with each other) got married, the sex wasn't up to
their expectations, and got divorced; thus they were hurt by not having sex.
(I, of course, say that they were hurt by expectations derived from previous
sexual experience; thus they were hurt by having sex.)

Yes, I've already voted, and voted against.  I suppose that maybe I should've
waited until after the poll was over so as to not skew the results, but I
just couldn't pass up the implication of 'sex is what marriage is all about'...

esper@ima.umn.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford)
Subject: Re: Pursuit & Honesty (was: Re: LJBF problems)
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 21:22:31 GMT

In article <1992Jul29.152952.14417@linus.mitre.org>, jcr@mbunix.mitre.org (Rogers) writes:
|> It may seem like I'm jumping
|> ahead by leaps & bounds here, but doesn't all of that follow from
|> what Michael wrote?

Yeah, I think you're making some logic leaps here, but you pose some 
interesting questions anyway.  :-)

|> Also, net-women, do you ever find yourselves in the situation Michael
|> described? I.e., a guy asks you out, you refuse, then later you find
|> yourself wondering why he didn't come back and ask again?

Depends on how and why I refused (and how well I communicated that to
the guy in question).  Sometimes, I *have* to say "no" because I just don't
have any spare band-width to handle dating at the moment.  E.g., there was
a period of time where I was carrying a *heavy* project load at work,
commuting 2 hrs each day (1 hr each way), working 12-14-hr days, AND
attending chorus rehearsals for a major concert 3 nights a week, AND
working about 20 hours each weekend on a volunteer basis on a special
project for a charitable organization.  Now, had someone asked me out
during this period (about 6 weeks in all), I would have had to say "no,"
no matter who it was.  But I would also have explained the situation, and
if it had been someone I wanted to go out with, I would have said so,
directly.  I would also have let him know when my schedule might permit
me to go out.  In other words, I would have given him as much information
as I could.  Under those circumstances, I might be surprised if he didn't
call back, but I also might have suggested that *I* call *him*.

|> That's why I think a lot of openness and
|> honesty are the best tools with which to work on relationships,
|> though I have to agree with Michael that subtlety (or maybe a
|> better word is "restraint") is often called for in a relationship's
|> early stages. But one must be cautious not to let what starts as
|> subtlety grow into dishonesty, deceitfulness, and outright lies.

Which is precisely why I'll tell a guy right up front that I'm not
interested in dating him, if that's the case.  In other words, when I
say "no," you'll know the reason why:  either I'm not interested, or I'm
too busy.  Not much room for misinterpretation, I hope!  :-)

|> This can sometimes be really difficult!

Probably the understatement of the year.  :-)
-- 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|    /)                      | Lana Mountford    
|   / /  __    ___    __     | Silicon Graphics  
|__(_/__(__)\__/  )__(__)\__ | Mountain View, CA 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
From: jahoar@ac.dal.ca
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: "god" made man first...
Date: 27 Jul 92 18:59:50 -0300
Organization: Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

In article <b7km0yc.obrien@netcom.com>, obrien@netcom.com (Robert O'Brien) writes:
> Perhaps this thread started with what I'm about to contribute, I wasn't
> able to work back to it's origin.  
> 
> I did laugh the first time I saw this, it was a bumper-sitcker, I saw it
> in Fort Worth, during the early eighties:
> 
> 	"ADAM WAS A ROUGH DRAFT"
> 
> 
> w/apoligies to any offended thiests,
> 	Bob

  I liked a comic I came across the other day even better...

First Frame:  Lightning bolt coming down from the clouds and hitting
a small hill...

Second Frame: A rather vacant looking male sitting on the hill (this
isn't a judgement, he is drawn that way)...

Third Frame: From above "Oops.  I better try that again"

  Title:  How woman was created.


  This comic now graces a lot of the office doors around here...mainly 
those belonging to the female members of the department, of course...

	Jennifer

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: drburne@eos.ncsu.edu (DALE ROBERT BURNETT)
Subject: Re: Pre-breakup vibes 
Originator: drburne@c00415-313mn.eos.ncsu.edu
Reply-To: drburne@eos.ncsu.edu (DALE ROBERT BURNETT)
Organization: North Carolina State University, Project Eos
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 19:30:12 GMT


dump her
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Pre-breakup vibes 
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 17:30:34 GMT

I'd tell her "later days, babe".  Get on with your life.
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG		erc@apple.com	<-- preferred email address!
"In wildness is the preservation of the world."  - Henry David Thoreau
** Member, Linux port team - uucp division ** :)   801/269-8125
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: hbsperki@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au (James Perkins)
Subject: Advice on this problem much appreciated...
Summary: Advice on this problem much appreciated...
Keywords: advice, romance, touching, advances
Organization: ITC, Griffith University, Brisbane, Australia
Date: 27 Jul 92 04:16:31 GMT

I am currently in the beginning stages of a relationship with a friend of
mine, and it seems to be going OK at this point.  She has come over to my
place for dinner, and we have gone out for coffee and a long chat.  It's
been fun.

However, I have a question: I am unsure on how to proceed.  For too long I
have been unsure of myself with regards initiating physical intimacy.  I
know that this relates to my upbringing (and I could enter into a big debate
here, but I won't), but it is still difficult for me.  What I suppose I am
asking is: how do I know when it is appropriate to give a hug or a kiss or
other expressions of affection?  I haven't even established at this point
whether she is looking for a platonic or romantic relationship.

Despite my age (all I will say is that I am under 25) I am very unsure about
these sorts of things.  I want to express my affection non-verbally but I am
extremely inhibited physically.  I haven't even held hands with her yet.  I
have no real problems once a relationship gets going...inhibition and
insecurity is not an issue there.  It is just in this initial stage, when we
are still establishing our "norms" or what it is acceptable and not
acceptable to do, that I have problems.

Any ideas?  Replies from both males who have been in a similar situation
(I'm sure you all have...everybody has to decide on their mutual behaviours
at some point, although I suspect it's probably not as conscious as I am
trying to make it) and from females who can provide advice on what they do
on such occasions are most welcome.

Could you please send any replies to me direct via e-mail as I don't always
have access to the net...e-mail will ensure that I receive them.

Thankyou.

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: rscott@spock.NMSU.Edu (Joseph Good)
Subject: Help! I need advise!!
Organization: New Mexico State University
Date: Sun, 26 Jul 1992 03:16:09 GMT


So, here is my story.

To try to explain my mental state:

My fiance dumped me a year-and-a-half ago and I found out that there was
some cheating on her part.  Well, needless to say, I had no idea, and 
completely freaked.  Only now can I trust people again, and have started
dating once more.  I'm not too sure if the old wounds have healed, but I
am willing to give anything a shot.

Well, about a month ago, I met a very beautiful interesting girl who I
became attracted to quickly... we have been dating ever since.  We haven't
declared anything official between us other than "I am not going to see
other people while I'm seeing you."  

Now, she broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years this spring... I think in 
March.  She won't talk to me about him, but from what other people told me
of the way there were, he played some horrible mind games on her...  enough
to make people that really didn't know them to recognize the trouble.  

She told me last night that she is VERY scared/paranoid of getting into another 
relationship and risking the whole 'mind-game' thing again.  This was the
reason that she doesn't want to declare us an item, *BUT* this was the same
conversation that she told me that she won't see anybody else... hmmm....

It was mentioned that her intentions are to become friends with me first,
and then if that works - who knows.  We're more than friends now, but I think
that she wants to make sure I'm not into the mental abuse game like her ex.

We've taken things REAL slow... both of us in hopes of not scaring eachother
off.  

To me, I can't see a real difference between what we are now, and being
an official item.  I am really flipped over her and from what she tells
everybody, she is over me also.  The only thing that is in our way are 
the wounds of the old beau.  Is there any way to combat this besides time?
I am one of those 'nice guys' who always seem to end up every girl's friend, 
and never much more, and I don't want this to happen again... bleah.

Do you think that she doesn't want to make the full commitment so the 'back  
door' is open to run through?

What are the possible dangers of two people who are weary of relationships  
jumping into something and attempting to establish trust on a short term / long  
term basis?  I'm willing to take the risk just to be closer to her.

Anybody out there been in this situation?  Could you give me some advise?

--

Joseph Good
+-------------------+ - More than just a band....
| Green Dot Brigade | - It's a whole damn army of dots...
+-------------------+ - And we've declared war on the 7-Up dots...

rscott@nmsu.edu (NeXT mail welcome!!)

atlantis@acca.nmsu.edu  (Just plain ol' Unix)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: eda537esys@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au
Subject: blind date
Organization: Computer Centre, Monash University, Australia
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 04:35:35 GMT


To go on a blind date or not to go on a blind date.....

I am in a situation where a friend is hassling me to go out
with some girl who comes into a shop where he works.........

This friend and other people are convinced that ill get on well with this
girl...buty it smacks to me of trying to get to desperados together......

He says she has a great personality..which is a good start i guess...

but im *shy* enough around people i know let alone someone
i have never met before......

The thing is ive seen friends go on blind dates b4 that have turned out to 
be complete disasters so i am vary wary here....

on the other hand i may as well go for it like it can do know harm
and this person is pretty good judge of peoples character and personalitys so
maybe it will go ok and something could develop...


Any suggestions or hints...

Tim
eda537esys@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au or (preferably)
ricochet@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au



Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: pierre@cs.UAlberta.CA (Pierre Honeyman)
Subject: Re: Females more likely to receive kindness from strangers (was Re: Why ? Was:I don't know why I am posting this...)
Organization: University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 16:31:43 GMT


	Gee, and all this time I thought it was only because men were 
stupid :)
		Pierre
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: tga20201@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (The Traveller)
Subject: Re: Women have it easier meeting opposite sex(?)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 03:30:47 GMT

Commenting on the ORIGINAL thread ( :-> Simily indicates humor, folks), I think
that in order to attract a woman, a man must have and display self-confidence.  
Women, on the other hand, can get by without self-confidence, provided that
the male is willing to accept an emotionally-dependent partner.  Thus, in my
estimation, a woman has an easier time in meeting the opposite sex because
she has to do less work on herself to make herself attractive.

The Traveller
-No self-confidence yet, but I'm working on it.

	The pessimist will say the glass is half-empty
	The optimist will say the glass is half-full
	George Carlin will say the glass is too big
	The cynic will recline and reply, "This is some sort of trick question,
		isn't it?"
	And I say I'm thirsty, so the question will soon be moot.	

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: quan@sol.surv.utas.edu.au (Stephen Quan)
Subject: Re: Pre-breakup vibes 
Organization: University of Tasmania, Australia.
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 05:35:27 GMT

Chris Oliva writes :
> I was having a great relationship with a girl in Toronto, I live about
> a 2 hour drive West in London, when all of a sudden things went to hell!
> [rest of article omitted...]

Dale Robert Burnett replies with :
>dump her

Is it *that* simple???????????

--
Stephen Quan
Xref: sparky alt.romance:10257 alt.sex:24887
From: scylla@ziggys.cts.com 619/262-6384 (Pam Matthews)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
Subject: Re: Cologne (was Re: male sex appeal)
Date: 23 Jul 92 08:19:18 GMT
Organization: Ziggy's Den Of Iniquity, East of East SD CA

erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:

} mingmar@cs.mcgill.ca (Ming MAR) writes:
} 
} : >I like the taste of cigarette smoke on a man's mouth
} :  
} : Ugh!  Retch!  Barf!  Kill smokers!  Kill!  Kill!  Kill!  Oh, did
} : I mention I don't like cigarette smoke?
} 
} "Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray."

Catchy little buzz phrases don't change the basic sensuality of my 
experience.  

              scylla@ziggys.cts.com - BBS (619)262-6384
                 Ziggy's Den Of Iniquity
From: HJ46@lafibm.lafayette.edu (Baboo (Holton, Jeffrey))
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: RE: I AM DONE WITH THEM!
Date: 26 Jul 92 16:53:08 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University
Originator: news@lafcol

In article <tokorhon.710970826@messi.uku.fi> tokorhon@messi.uku.fi (Tommi Korhonen) writes:
>
>Isn't there anything rational inwomen? Is there? Does anyone know?
>

Well, no.  That's what makes it so interesting and pleasantly
unexpected when it works.  =)  That's the way it's supposed to be.

Personally, I think men are also just as irrational.  I should know.
Last I checked I'm one of them.  =)

--Jeffrey, trapped into dating a redhead (they're the most irrational
of all!  =)  )
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: puter@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com (PuterDude)
Subject: Re: A first hello?
Cc: ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET
Organization: None, today. Thank you.
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 14:56:10 GMT


In article <92204.193122ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET> <ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET> writes:

> how do you all handle longish but intermittent separations?  I send letters,
>he calls, but it's lonesome at home.

Welcome Stefani...
	I also do a bit of travellin', but I'm usually only away for a
week or 2. My wife has a few interests that keep her busy while I am
gone. She paints, does volunteer work for Alzheimer's patients, swims
and works out with friends, etc.
	It was a little hard for her at first when I would go away,
but after 4 years of marriage, she can't WAIT till I leave now. :)

-- 
Puter	puter@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com	.sig by Generic Labels
(Put obnoxious title here)		(Put phone # here.)
(Put irritating quote here. Please make it as long as possible.)
Organization: University of Illinois at Chicago
Date: Saturday, 25 Jul 1992 16:29:46 CDT
From: Chris Grumboski <U15479@uicvm.uic.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: How to ask someone out?

I need advice on what to do and say when approaching a woman I would like to
meet.  I am kind of shy and would like to change that but I can never think of
a thing to say when I see a stranger I would like to meet.  I don't want to
seem desperate or sleazy but rather friendly and non-confrontational.  Also,
what non-verbal signs do women give you when they want you to approach them,
say at a bar or on the street etc?  Thanks,
                                           Chris