From: mikeg@luser.UUCP (Mike Gallenstein)
Newsgroups: misc.legal
Subject: Details, details (*LONG*)
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 00:51:35 EDT
Reply-To: mikeg@luser.UUCP
Distribution: usa
Organization: Lunartronic Information Service
X-Newsreader: Arn V1.00 beta rel2

I recently made a post asking for some assistance.  I have gotten a couple of
letters saying I should post more details before they can make any kind of
interpretation.  So here it goes:

About 10 months ago I got really tired of being ignored by my employer.  They
always said they listened, but I was not convinced.  I took it upon myself to
write this piece of information and deliver it to all 21 stores in the metro
area:

[-------------------inserted-text----------------inserted-text--------------]

Top Ten Misinformations Given Out by John Public's Video to Their Employees

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

10. If your store doesn't have a safe, it will by the end of the week.

 9. If your store doesn't have computers, we'll have them installed REAL
    soon.

 8. We support our employees continuing their education.

 7. We are always honest with our employees.

 6. We understand if you are sick & are not able to work your shift.

 5. We trust our employees.

 4. We do not hire on the basis of age, sex, color, or personal
    experience.

 3. Joe Public's Video is not making any money.

 2. No problem.  We can work around your schedule.

 1. It's not the money, but your personal safety that we are worried
    about.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

     I hope you enjoyed this list.  When I wrote it, I was on the floor
laughing so hard, I thought I was going to bust my gut!  Please make sure
everyone at your store sees this.  After that, put it in amidst all that stuff
that goes to the office.  Of course, I doubt if anyone will be  laughing.  It
seems no one has a sense of humor in here.
     If any of you have comments, kudos, or ideas for another top ten list,
leave an ad in the  personals section of either the CJ&T or LEO (if your store
doesn't carry LEO, try looking in a decent restaurant or any street corner in
the Hurstbourne area.)  This way, I can get your ideas or messages without
risking your (or my) neck.  Just make them attention to me.  OH!  I almost
forgot to tell you my name.

                             Wile E. Coyote
                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     I wish I could tell you my real name.  I really do.  But I know this
piece of literature may make certain people angry, and I can't have them come
knocking on my door.
     Anyway, I will take leave of you now.  Just remember to leave me a
personal ad, and if the response is big enough I'll put out another one of
these little ditties.  I may put out another anyway.  One never knows.

                                          Adieu,
                                          Wile E. Coyote

[------------end-of-inserted-text--------------end-of-inserted-text-----------]

I changed some names to protect the innocent and the identity of the real
company. :-)  At any rate this did turn some heads and everyone seemed to
delight in the humor of it all.

A the next month I did another one.  It was just as funny.  Actually funnier.
It is still talked about to this day.  I did a third one and a fourth before
upper management found out it was me.  When they did, I was immediately
canned (expected) and they were screaming something about federal charges for
invading privacy, and some other state statutes being broken (unexpected). 
I can see the reasoning behind some of them, but invasion of privacy?!?  If I
had snooped to get my info yes.  But everything I knew about management came
from them directly or through the company "grapevine."  Yes, I knew they were
nothing but vicious rumors, but in a small company like this 90% of them have
a certain amount of truth to them.

I think this this letter is what scared them:

[------inserted-text-----------------------inserted-text---------------------]

Howdy Folks!!

     I saw this sign while I was on vacation and thought I might just share it
with everyone!  I think it fits Joe Public's Video to a "t."
     I hope everyone is enjoying the fair.  Again I was out and about.  Again
I won *another* prize from them.  I am just too good.   I'll just add it to
the rest of my junk in the Coyote cave.
     The managers meeting today should be quite interesting.  With me popping
up and all the other gripes, I hope it's very interesting.  Personally I would
ask for my *bonus*.  Knowing Sammy, he'll try to weasel out of it somehow.
Actually it's not Sammy we need to worry about.  Our splendiferous accountant
Jimbo Dude, seems to be running the show lately.  About the only idea of
his I agree with, is on Zone Managers.  We have no use for them.  First thing
we do.  Let's kill all the Zones!  (If I may paraphrase the Great Master
Shakespeare.)
     I have a wonderful thought.  Some stores got a memo saying they could not
give out their totals or number of invoices to anyone except their Zone,
Sammy, or Suzanne.  Well, there is a way around this.
     If one wants to know how many invoices they've done, simply ask how many
Kid's bags were given out.  Just insert your total number of invoices for the
answer.  If one wants to know how much money a store has done, just ask how
much money Sammy had with him when he got pulled over for DUI.  Insert your
stores total for the answer.  I know it will not compare to the $50,000 he
had, but it will keep you from getting in trouble.
     Look.  I've done it again.  Let loose *another* secret.  Sorry.  You know
how I am about them.  This should be enough for me.  Remember to hang your
sign in the store.  Hang it with pride.

Wile E. Coyote

[--------end-of-inserted-text--------------end-of-inserted-text-------------]

Again names changed ... etc ... This letter also included a very humorous
office sign I saw hanging in a competitors office.  I can understand why they
freaked on this one, but with three prior humorous, raillery, letters,
how was anyone supposed to take this seriously?

At any rate those the details.  I can understand civil suits.  After all I
did mention names.  But I think criminal charges are a little out of hand.  I
have not signed anything.  I've only given them a list of names who I got
information from, and who helped me deliver to the 21 stores.  I have been
the only one to loose my job as of yet (totally understood on this, I'm not
questioning this action), but I know a lot of people are sweating on it. 
Come to think of it I haven't ever received any notice of my termination. 
It's been about a week and a half too.  Maybe I'm no fired! :-)

So basically what am I facing here?  To me it was nothing but a childish
prank.  I feel the worse has been done.  I'm unemployed in this freakin'
economy.  :-)  Apparently they don't feel that is enough.

So much for the details.  I hope someone can offer some advice.  Or should I
just go to the Federal Correctional Institute and hand myself in? :-)

Thanks in advance!

--______________________________
 / uunet!coplex.com!luser!mikeg \  "And I'm up while the dawn is breaking,
/        mikeg@luser.UUCP        \  even though my heart is aching.
\          GEnie: LUSER          /  I should be drinking a toast to absent
 \      Louisville, KY USA      /   friends instead of these comedians."
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~