From: shava@hermes.oit.unc.edu (Shava Nerad Averett)
Subject: Re: Childbirth
Organization: University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 18:58:18 GMT

In article <1992Nov2.223930.13486@primerd.prime.com> jasonp@toons.Prime.COM (Jason Pascucci) writes:
>why not simply experience the experience without imposing
>a structure. This would seem to me, a mere man I admit, to
>be in and of itself a powerful and moving trauma. Just
>let it happen, and you might be suprised with the results. 
>There are times when a formal 'act of will' isn't necessary. 
>
Well, it seems to me that you can build the context of your childbirth
experience, or you can live with what's been given you.  What's been 
given me, before I started building my own, was an allopathic medical
tradition that treats childbirth like a dangerous pathology, which a
woman may not be trusted to control on her own.  I'd rather *not*
approach this, either, from the dominant j/c/m religious ideas of
childbirth as a punishment for woman's original sin, that she should
always bear her children in pain.

I have every intention of dealing with the birth the way the birth
seems to want it.  My magickal preparation is mostly focussed on
preventing my cultural context from sabotaging that intent.  It is
a fine line, but I'd rather build an optimistic structure than live
with the extremely dis-empowering and scary context I'm handed.

Any medical professional who gratuitously approaches me with a knife
has Eddie to deal with -- that's what he's going to be there for.
I am not beyond threatening any male OB who tells me that episiotomies
are painless, that we give him an epidural, and just slit and sew up
his scrotum, and let *him* deal with it for a few weeks.  If that's
over-controlling the situation, or means I have a bad attitude about
men...*shrug*

>Now, after the child is born, there is an issue of dealing
>with it. I had a number of friends who are constantly run
>down, energy wise, because of their children. Even
>people who were otherwise extremely active find themselves coming
>home early from work, taking naps, not doing the things they
>normally do, etc. 
>
Sounds like me, now, with my grandmother.  Most of us avoid family
obligations like the plague until (if) we have children.  How modern
and Dan Quayle/nukular family (sic) of us.  Of all the cultures in 
the world at this point, my understanding is that ours is the only
one where the cult of the individual typically elongates the freedom
of childhood/adolescence (which doesn't even exist in those catagories
in many societies) into the 20's and 30's.  I hope for a lot of people
the choice to ration out their energy, and to make lifestyle changes,
is a conscious one.  However, I find it curious that, now that I am
barrelling into parenthood (and what a barrel I am developing!) I am
discovering that many of my contemporaries and older friends who are
parents are confiding in me the satisfaction they have with their
choice of lifestyle -- and some of these people are very coy when they
have to turn down social activities because of their family.  It
reminds me of the country music song about the man whose friends feel
sorry for him because he doesn't go to the bar every night with his
buddies any more but goes home to spend the evening with his wife --
they can't conceive he might *prefer* spending his time at home.  He
wouldn't bother to try to explain it.

Maybe I'm just defending my choice -- I suppose I'll find out in time...!

-- 
Shava Nerad Averett				shava@unc.edu
/*  all original materials (c)1992, Shava Nerad Averett, and have nothing 
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