From: G.M.Suddes@newcastle.ac.uk (Gareth Suddes)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.drwho
Subject: Result of a boring lecture produced this...
Date: 25 Jan 93 15:23:46 GMT
Organization: University of Newcastle upon Tyne, UK, NE1 7RU


 OK, I was bored. It's not that funny, but, what the hell...


The Whoniverse Olympics, Manchester 2300

 Boxing: In the super-heavyweight division final, a draw had to be announced,
         when, after six days of constant head pummelling without any noticable
         effect the two Ogrons that had made the final agreed a truce.

 Figure-skating: This event was easily won by Jaynnx Torvillxxx and Xxixter
                 Deannxx, the 'all Mars' champions of 2299.

 High-Diving: After their training on Exxilon with Coach R.Oot the Daleks
              finally perfected their double soumersalt with half twist to take
              the Gold.

 Marathon: The Sontarans were slightly pissed off because they'd only gone
           three feet when the report came through that the Raston Warrior
           Robot had already won the race to add a third Gold to his titles in
           the javelin and discus.

 Pool: The Sea Devil easily won all the events when the other contestants
       (A Dalek, a Mechanoid, a Kroton and a Quaark) all sunk at the start.

 Dalek High Jump: This was abandoned when none of the 26 competitiors succeeded
                  in clearing the opening height with the bar at 2cm.

 Demonstration Events: The "Whinging" competition was won by Miss M. Bush and
                       the "Scatter yourself over a wide area without the aid
                       of standing on a mine", was easily won by Adric.
                        Scaroth, last of the Jaggaroth, was disqualified when he
                       used the wrong dimension and scattered himself through
                       time instead.


 The 100m...

 Semi Final 1: This heat featured the seven incarnanations of the Doctor.
               (A late expulsion was The Valeyard when rec.arts.drwho readers
               claimed he wasn't a true Doctor... "Somewhere between your 12th
               and final incarnation/regeneration/re-incarnation").
                 Unfortunately, no result was achieved because about 50m up the
               course, the first incarnation had a hearts attack and died. This
               caused a major paradox, resulting in the other six Doctors to
               wink out of existance.

 With no result from this Semi-Final, this meant the Semi-Final Heat 2 became
the final by default...

 Here's the draw...
  Lane 1: Cyberman        (Mondas)
  Lane 2: Mummy Robot     (Egypt  (trained by Sutekh))
  Lane 3: Dalek           (Skaro)
  Lane 4: Yeti            (Crap Robots Ltd)
  Lane 5: Zygon           (Zygon)
  Lane 6: The Destoyer    (Another dimension)
  Lane 7: Kroton          (some chance huh? 8^)
  Lane 8: Reg Oldgit      (Androzani Major)



 Result was...
             1: Zygon
             2: Reg Oldgit
             3: Cyberman
             4: The Destroyer
             5: Kroton

    The Mummy Robot got his foot stuck in the blocks and stomped around till
his batteries ran down, the Yeti was disabled when the Dalek sucked his control
sphere out, but the Dalek didn't finish himself though, because half way down
the track he caught the Movellan virus and squirted himself to death.

  However, after an enquiry, the Zygon was disqualified when it was decided
morphing into Linford Christie was against the rules.

  Also disqualified was Reg Oldgit of Androzani Major, when an illegal substance
was discovered in his urine sample. Suspicions had been alerted when officials
noticed his birth certificate claimed he was 365 years old.

 Revised result...
             1: Cyberman
             2: The Destroyer
             3: Kroton

  At the presentation however, things didn't quite go according to plan. When
presented with his medal, the Cyberman suffocated, and the Destroyer also
popped it when he was presented with his Silver.

  So, the Kroton was duly promoted to winner. Life's full of suprises isn't it?

Now, back to Des in the studio...



Gareth,




















 ______________________________________________________________________________
(   As the days go by we face the increasing inevitablity that we are alone    )
 \        in a godless, uninhabited, hostile and meaningless universe.        /
  \_____Still, you've got to laugh haven't you?_______G.M.Suddes@ncl.ac.uk___/