From: an2881@anon.penet.fi (Shannon)
Subject: My Story...
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.transgendered
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1992 12:24:21 GMT

X-Anon-To: alt.transgendered

Be forewarned... this is fairly long!

Hi Everyone - Wow is this a bit of a trip! I never thought I'd ever say
	any of this stuff to anyone, but through the anonymous service (Thank
	You J.), I'm encouraged to. 

	Actually, I've been waiting to post this until I got the anon service
	working. A lot of friends at work subscribe to the net, and you never
	know who'll stumble across a posting that you want to keep private. 

	Since I've been reading this, believe it or not, I've felt a sense of 
	"belonging", and that what I love to do (CD) isn't "that odd" at all. 
	I mean, think about how relatively few people are net users and how 
	many of us have reached each other through this newsgroup - I think 
	it's great!

	The only "down" to the whole thing is some of our reactions that I've
	seen when an "outsider" feels the need to call us sick or weird. Please
	don't encourage them, they are ignorant to what we feel, and would 
	never understand - just ignore it and it will go away. It really will.

	Forward...

	I guess the closest parallel to my experiences thus far are in 
	"Joanie's" post a couple of weeks ago. I can't remember my first CD
	experience exactly. I think I was around 10 when I first experimented
	with women's under-garments. At the time, I don't remember if I tried 
	on my mother's bra, girdle, slip, pantyhose, or a combination of the 
	three, but I DO remember that I had one of those lingerie "accidents"! 
	I knew even then that crossdressing was odd, but even then, at 10, I 
	knew that something felt really natural and incredible about it. Over 
	time, I squirrel'd some items away for myself to wear to bed at night. 
	When I discovered high heels a couple of years later I loved all the
	natural feelings!

	Over the years, in and out of relationships, ( though I never told my
	girlfriends about my spiritual needs ), I dress up whenever the girl
	mood strikes ( I call them sessions for some reason ) - sometimes just
	doing something as dull as ironing becomes fun because I'm "en-dress"!
	I've found that ordering from Sears or JC Penney is totally painless
	and reliable for sizes if you base the measurements on their size guide
	in the center of the catalog. I feel fortunate because I have small
	feet for a guy and can fit into womens size 8B - I adore very high
	heels - at least 3 1/2 inches. When I was in my teens, I used to wear 
	a "fall" ( kind of a headband with a wig of hair attached to it ), 
	and makeup, which were my sisters, but I don't go for that now and 
	really don't know why not because part of the pleasure is from the 
	act of dressing up!

	Anyway, there's absolutely no way I could "pass"! Like "Joanie", who
	I mentioned before, I'm 6 feet tall, 185 pounds, very hairy, with the
	ironic thinning hairline. I'm 99% heterosexual with 1% wondering what
	it would be like to be interested in, and make love to a penis. I never
	saw why some women in their 30's (I'm 34) don't care to "perform" 
	fellatio. If a girl had one (yes I know - they "sorta" do) I'd be all 
	over it. Other than that, no "homosexual urgings" at all. The 
	"outsiders" just don't believe that we're *NOT* all gay do they? 

	When I was probably 13 or so, I dressed up and went out for a very
	late-night walk in very high heels. I almost "walked into" another
	couple, and I ducked behind a fence till they passed. I remember being
	extremely terrified, excited, and stimulated. My heart was going a mile
	a minute when I got home! I never did this again, but I think it was
	more because my body matured, I got hairy and muscular, and I knew I'd
	be a "sore thumb". Some guys at the time thought it was so manly to 
	have a hairy chest - the male side of me liked it (until it grew out of
	hand), but my "Shannon" side was cursing it.
 
	I've never told anyone about the CD side of me, but some women
	friends have asked me if I was gay because of the feminine side of my
	personality - I hate sports, and love a good tear-jerker, and see the
	beauty in a lot of things that most men don't admit to. I enjoy ( for
	the most part ) being male, but like everyone on this newsgroup, I wish
	there was a switch where I could become female from time to time. A sex
	change has never entered my mind for a second, but I honestly commend
	those of you who had the courage to do it. It does take courage and a
	lot of it - our part of the world (USA) still has incredibly ignorant
	people who condemn "non-conformists" as we are, as being sick, when we
	are just being honest with our feelings. 

	Transgendered... I don't know. Transvestite... I'm not attractive 
	enough to be. Crossdresser...  CERTAINLY! I absolutely adore the great
	feelings, the security, the peacefulness, the sexuality, and the
	comfort of wearing snug fitting lingerie and high heels. Oh, I guess I
	should mention that around the same timeframe, I discovered bondage,
	and that's a different story, but I believe that my combination of love
	for lingerie and bondage stemmed from some "Detective Magazine" covers
	that a friend of my father had lent him around my "formative years". If
	you've ever seen them in magazine racks, they almost always featured a 
	tied-up woman on the cover in a very sexy pose. They were supposed to 
	depict a woman being attacked but I ignored the violence aspect. 
	Violence towards anyone is sub-human - this generation should be way 
	beyond that but I guess my USA is regressing with all this teenaged
	violence. Anyway, for some reason, the combination of lingerie and 
	bondage turns me on very quickly. Not the S&M stuff, enough for spice.

	Due to the feeling of support from this newsgroup, I shaved my legs
	for the first time (ever) - I had no idea that it would feel SO
	different! It feels great, but I'm going to grow it back so I don't
	stick out next summer. 

	If there's anyone out there with similar experiences, lets trade 
	thoughts. I hope that I didn't bore anyone, and I guess that's enough 
	true confessions for now.

					- Shannon
					  an2881@anon.penet.fi

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