From: rfelix@netcom.com (Robbie Felix)
Newsgroups: alt.parents-teens,alt.child-support
Subject: Re: starting a family young.
Date: 8 Apr 92 15:37:26 GMT
Article-I.D.: netcom.09qjzta.rfelix
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest)

In article <1992Apr7.172659.5787@bsu-ucs.uucp> 00rggraham@bsu-ucs.uucp writes:
>Sorry about the cross-posting.
>My girlfriend is pregnant.
>We are keeping the baby, much to the dismay of my and her parents.
>It is our decision. We will live with it.
>We are not asking for support from either side and have decided that -- if it
>comes to it -- we will give the child up for adoption if our financial
>resources run out.
>See, I am merely a sophomore in college.
>My girlfriend will enter college in the fall.

>I believe that a child is a stronger bond of two people than marriage would
>ever be.

Dear Ross,

Let me first say, love is a wonderful thing. If you and your
girlfriend want to do the best thing for everyone, do everything to
keep your love alive. You're gonna need it. Take some classes together
on relationships. Learn to negotiate, to solve problems, to be
parents, to be happy partners. The best you can do is learn everything
you need to know to be happy as individuals, happy members of a
relationship and confident parents with skills for parenting.

I do not believe that age has anything to do with having these skills.
I do believe that they are learned and you can get them when
you need them!

I am on all sides of the issues you raised. My parents were 19 and 22
when I was born. I was 20 when my daughter was born. I live with a
very mature man who is 12 years younger than me. His parents were in
their mid 30's when he was born.

 My experience suggests the following: Age has little to do with
maturity. My parents are pretty immature in their 50's, my fiance is
far more mature than they are at 24!

What people need to raise children are tools for living. You can get
them! You *can* be a successful parent.

I would advise you to reconsider the idea that you will put the baby
up for adoption if it doesn't work out. Being a parent is a commitment
of the highest order. If you are already putting in an "out clause",
you may not be equipped to deal with being a parent. I am not trying
to criticize, I think it is probably a very difficult thing to try,
fail, and walk away from your child . Most people, of any age, could not do it.

If you are gonna make the commitment to parent you need to be willing
to do whatever it takes to make it work. It is that kind of
commitment!

You sound like a reasonable guy. I am sure you can make it work out if
you want to. If I had a choice, I would not get married at a young age
again, I would put off having children until I was older. 

My marriage failed ( we were too immature to work things out) and I
ended up a single parent, no degree ( dropped out to have a baby), no
work experience, no support from either set of parents and A LOT of
responsibility. 

I love my daughter. I am glad to have her. However, It is an awesome
responsibilty to have a person depend on you  (in varying degrees)
for a minimum of 18 years. 

It is hard to imagine the level of responsibility you are assuming
when you  are in the midst of figuring out the issues regarding
pregnancy, delivery, infancy. These are only the tip of an iceberg!!!

I hope this works out for you and your girlfriend. 

Best wishes,

rf