From: wilson@cs.ucf.edu (tom wilson)
Subject: Some stupid jokes from the local paper
Organization: University of Central Florida, Orlando
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1992 09:43:39 GMT

The local paper ran a special on hockey terminology. Amongst our weaponry are
diverse elements as...oops...amongst the normal terms were a few ha-has. Here
they are:

Dropping the gloves: Term used for the start of a hockey fight. A dentist's
delight.

Freezing the puck: This is not to be confused with an NFL coach trying to
freeze an opposing kicker. This happens...

Goal judge: Sits behind goal in a somewhat mesmerized state, and...

Hat trick: No rabbit involved. This signifies a three-goal night by a player.
NHL fans traditionally greet such a performance by throwing their hats onto
the ice. Honest.

Les Habs: Not a foreign film showing at the Enzian. The Habs...

No. 99: The Great One, Los Angeles star Wayne Gretzky, who is recognized as
the sport's finest ambassador. [not a ha-ha, but odd that it is one of the
"Thirty Three Hockey Terms"]

Off the pipe: Slang for a shot that rings off the goal post. Much like a dog
is man's best friend, a post is a goaltender's. [stupid analogy, but anyway,
I always figured the post to be the goalie's nightmare given that the post is
not considered to be IN the goal -- thus a puck hitting the post often goes
into the goal or back out into the slot. It's more of a nightmare in soccer
where the ball would be out of play, but instead caroms back onto the field
or often off the goalie into the goal. Who is the idiot that said it's the
goalie's best friend...]

Pulling on the sweater: Wearing the team jersey. [has anyone ever heard this?]

Punch Imlach: Famous former Toronto Maple Leafs coach [more obscure than No.
99]

Sniper: A pure scorer with a good shot, such as St. Louis' Brett Hull [remember
this is for someone who doesn't know who No. 99 is -- is he gonna know BH?]

Super Mario: A real-life video game playing in Pittsburgh each night, starring
Mario Lemieux, hockey's $42 million man. [I guess No. 66 isn't an official
term of the NHL 8-)]

Zamboni: The machine that removes debris from the ice and resurfaces it with
water. One vehicle that will never win a NASCAR race. [Zam-bonehead: the guy
that thought of the NASCAR joke]

As if that wasn't enough, they defined the "eight awards." I think you'll
agree that these aren't THE eight awards: Lord Stanley's Cup, James Norris
Trophy, Lady Byng Trophy, Art Ross Trophy, F.W. Dinty Moore Trophy, Hart
Trophy, Calder Trophy.

Lady Byng Trophy: Awarded to league's most gentlemanly player. Imagine that.
An award New York's Tie Domi will never win. [While that's funny -- is Joe
Novice gonna get it?]

F.W. Dinty Moore Trophy: Awarded to top rookie goaltender in the OHL. For
the goalie who stays out of the stew. [well, that's not only dumb, that's
not the NHL. I hadn't even heard of it before.]

Almost there....

Rink dimensions: Most NHL rinks are regulation size, 200' by 85'. Expo Hall,
home of the Lightning is 192' by 85', or roughly the size of Shaquille
O'Neal's new living room in Isleworth [argh!]

Slot: Area directly in front of.... Phil Esposito carved a career here.

With all of the bad jokes, I'm still waiting for them to rename the arena
Espo Hall...8-)

Tom
Newsgroups: rec.sport.hockey