From: cass8806@elan.glassboro.edu (KYLE CASSIDY)
Subject: last night (long)
Organization: Rowan College of New Jersey
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 18:52:47 GMT

                26 IS GOING TO BE A GOOD YEAR: A SCREENPLAY

                            by Kyle Cassidy



        THE PLAYERS:

            KYLE -- A DUDE WHO HAS JUST TURNED 26
            CHUCK -- HIS LONGHAIRED ROOMMATE
            TINA -- A BEAUTIFUL BABE
            KIM -- A BABE THAT KYLE WORKS WITH AT THE LAB
            KEN -- KYLE'S HARD RIDIN' COMPUTER MOTORCYCLE BOSS
            MARY SMITH -- A CRAZY WOMAN

        TIME: YESTERDAY
        PLACE: KYLE AND CHUCK'S KITCHEN
        SCENE: CHUCK IS SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE EATING AN
        ORANGE AND READING THE NEW YORK TIMES. KYLE COMES UP THE
        STAIRS, WHISTLING A HAPPY TUNE.

CHUCK: Hey Hey Hey

KYLE: And a bottle of rum...

CHUCK: There's a good article here on Clinton, on him winning the
       election.

KYLE: It's great to have a president who's too young to be your
      father.

CHUCK: You got mail too, here. [HANDS KYLE A PACKAGE]

KYLE: Hoo, great! It's from Kimberly Stevenson in TN. I wonder
      what it could be! [HE OPENS THE PACKAGE INSIDE ARE
      TEMPORARY HARLEY DAVIDSON TATTOOS] Hey! Cool! Rad man! Tats!

CHUCK: Hey, you'll look like a biker now!

KYLE: I'm gonna go put one on! [HE DOES]

CHUCK: You look dangerous man!

KYLE: Yeah! Lets go to the Rat and have a few drinks to celebrate
      my tattoo!

CHUCK: Sure!

[CHUCK DONNS KYLE'S LEATHER JACKET. KYLE WEARS A SHORT SLEEVED
SHIRT SO THAT HIS TAT IS PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED. IT IS RAINING AS
USUAL IN N.J. THEY WALK TO THE RAT]

CHUCK: Hey, don't look now, but it's MARY SMITH, the babe that
       you were in love with for about three years who hates your
       guts and wants to fuck me.

KYLE: Who _did_ fuck you. While she was going out with _me_.

CHUCK: Oh yeah, sorry about that. But hey look who's standing
       next to Mary Smith!

KYLE: Oh my god! It's TINA! the awsome babe of the _world_! We've
      got to get out of here man, this is dangerous, I'll start
      slobbering.

CHUCK: You _are_ slobbering.

KYLE: God, she's _beautiful!_ SHE could get me to forget Mary
      Smith in the drop of a...

CHUCK: Pair of panties?

KYLE: huh?

CHUCK: Hey look! They're comming over to us!

MARY: Hey boys....

CHUCK: Hi Mary.

KYLE: You grimy slut, I hope you choke to death on a chicken
      bone.

MARY: [makes kissy faces at Kyle] This is my friend TINA.

KYLE + CHUCK: hubba hubba!

TINA: Oh, I see that you have a tattoo!

KYLE: Why yes, do you like it?

TINA: I LOVE tattoos. when did you get it?

KYLE: About 20 minutes ago.

TINA: [Punches him lightly in the arm] that hurt?

KYLE: No.

TINA: _Wow_, a _manly_ man.

KYLE: [ALL SUAVE] Why yes.

TINA: [PUNCHES HIM HARDER IN THE TAT] That hurt?

KYLE: Why no.

TINA: [SLUGS HIM REALLY HARD IN THE TAT] How about that?

KYLE: [SMILING DEBONARELY (AS DEBONARELY AS IF HE WERE WEARING
      ARGYLE SOCKS I MIGHT ADD)] No. Not at all.

TINA: Why, I just _love_ manly men. Most men would have been on
      the floor _crying_ after I just punched them in a fresh tat
      like that.

KYLE: Well, I guess I'm different.

MARY: Hey, Kyle, I'm going to fuck your roommate. [KYLE IGNORES
      HER, STAIRING LONGINGLY INTO TINA'S EYES, SHE IS RETURNING
      THE GAZE AMOUROUSLY]

TINA: Can I buy you a beer?

MARY: I'm gonna let him tie me up! [KYLE IGNORES HER, WALKING OFF
      TO THE BAR WITH TINA. TO CHUCK:] I can't seem to get a rise
      out of that guy anymore. What's wrong with me? Do you wanna
      fuck me?

CHUCK: How much money you got?



        SCENE: A FEW HOURS LATER IN KYLE'S APARTMENT. TINA IS
               GREASED AND NAKED, LICKING KYLE'S TATTOO, THERE
               IS A LIVE CHINCHILLA RUNNING AROUND THE ROOM
               GNAWING THINGS, COOL MUSIC IS PLAYING IN THE
               BACKGROUND. SEVERAL LEWD THINGS TAKE PLACE.

        SCENE: THE NEXT MORNING. TINA IS WALKING OUT OF KYLE'S
               ROOM WEARING NOTHING BUT HIS OZZY SHIRT. SHE
               SCRATCHES HER HEAD AND WALKS INTO THE BATHROOM
               AND STARTS TO BRUSH HER TEETH WITH KYLE'S GLOW
               IN THE DARK TOOTHBRUSH. SHE LOOKS DOWN ONTO THE
               COUNTER AND SEES THE "STICK ON TATOO" PACKAGE.
               SHE SPITS FOAM ONTO THE MIRROR, GRABS THE
               PACKAGE AND RACES BACK INTO HIS BEDROOM.

TINA: What's this!

KYLE: My other tat. For when this one wears off.

TINA: You--you--you--you _bastard_, you _tricked_ me into falling
      in love with you! you're not a REAL man! you've got a FAKE
      tattoo! And I just noticed that your bike is really a
      Kawasaki VULCAN with a Harley Davidson _gas_tank_ on it!

KYLE: [YAWNS] Oh well.

[TINA GRABBS HER CLOTHES, TAKES HER MONEY BACK FROM THE NIGHT
TABLE AND RUNS OUT OF THE APARTMENT. KYLE GET'S UP AND HAS A
GLASS OF WATER, MAKES HIMSELF SOME SCRAMBLED EGGS, GETS DRESSED
(IN A COOL SHORT SLEEVED SHIRT SO THAT EVERYBODY CAN SEE HIS NEW
TAT)]


    SCENE: THE COMPUTER LAB. KIM AND KEN ARE SITTING AT A
    TERMINAL PLAYING MS. PACKMAN.

KEN: Hey there. Hey! I never noticed that you had a tattoo
     before!

KYLE: I just got it last night.

KEN: Does it hurt?

KYLE: Not in the least.

KIM: I'm going over to the stupid center, our refund checks are
     in, do you want to come with me?

KYLE: Sure. [THEY GO]

        SCENE: THE STUPID CENTER. THEY ARE IN LINE TO GET THEIR
        REFUND CHECKS.

KIM: I'm supposed to get a hundred and fifty dollars!

KYLE: I don't think I'll get that much because my financial aid
      got cut back this year.

KIM: Yeah, last year i got $200.

KYLE: If I get $200, I'll put it all in my MOTORCYCLE account and
      pretty soon, I'll have that BIG, UGLY, BLACK, BIKE!!! [HE
      CACKLES UNCONCONTROLLABLY AND RAISES HIS CLAWED HANDS TO
      THE SKY -- IN A RATHER NICE IMMITATION OF VINCENT PRICE ON
      ACID]

KIM: Hey! Look! I got a hundred and sixty bucks! How much did you
     get?

[KYLE LOOKS AT HIS CHECK, THE NUMBERS SAY $644.94]

KYLE: Yaargh! Hoop! Whooo, eek! eck! Hack! Blatt!

KIM: Are you hocking up a hairball? speak!

KYLE: Gag! Huck! Blutt! Gorph!

KIM: What are you trying to say? Shall I preform the heimlich
     manouver? Speak to me!

KYLE: Hork! Hudch! Morph! Gag! Yach! MOTORCYCLE! BIG BLACK HARLEY
      CHOPPER HOG SCREAMING BLOOD RED WINGS PIPES! PIPES! CHROME
      PIPES ROLLING ALL OUTSIDE OVER THE ENGINE RAPPING AROUND MY
      BODY! EMBRACE OF _DEATH_! KILLER BLACK LEATHER JACKET PIG
      ROAST EASY RIDER STEVE MCQUEEN SUCK MY TOES! BILLION CUBIC
      INCH ENGINE TWO MILES PER GALLON NOISE! SCREAMING NOISE!
      APE HANGERS! DANGLING OVER HEAD! HIGHWAY PEGS 10 FEET AWAY!
      LOUD PIPES WAKING DEAD NEIGHBORS CHOKING SMALL ANIMALS!
      CHOKING _LARGE_ AMIMALS! TURF MARY SMITH'S LAWN! NO!
      TURF _MARY SMITH_! LIFE! LIVE LIFE! A NEW PRESIDENT AND
      CHROME _PIPES_!


        SCENE: BOBS USED HARLY LOT. KYLE IS IN A STRAIT JACKET
        WITH DROOL COMMING FROM HIS MOUTH. HE SEEMS VERY PASSIVE. 
        KEN IS STANDING BEHIND HIM POINTING.

KEN: How about that one?

KYLE: [NODDING] yeah yeah, give it to me.

KEN: Or that one?

KYLE: yeah, yeah, need to have it.

KEN: How about that one?

KYLE: pipes. pipes.


            [FADE TO BLACK]

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