From: tlode@nyx.cs.du.edu (trygve lode)
Subject: Re: Breaking up is hard to do....
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 93 22:46:25 GMT

In article <1993Jan8.164658.29682@bnlux1.bnl.gov> schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov (gary l. schroeder) writes:
>In article <1993Jan8.023137.15047@datamark.co.nz> thomas@datamark.co.nz (Thomas Beagle) writes:
>>In article <1993Jan7.151138.2520@bnlux1.bnl.gov> schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov (gary l. schroeder) writes:
>>>In article <1993Jan7.054337.22351@netcom.com> rohwerwd@netcom.com (W. David Rohwer) writes:
>
>>>>     In my last relationship, I told her that I did not see the
>>>>relationship as a long-term type and I would be happy with a
>>>>friendship with some physical aspects.  She did not like what I 
>>>>said that much. 
>
>>>Gee, I wonder why.  So, basically, what you told her was 'I don't want 
>>>to be emotionally involved with you, but is it okay if we fuck?'
>
>>What's your problem?
>
>Maybe it's the fact that asking somebody if they just wanna be your
>boinkbuddy after they tell you they're looking for an emotional
>relationship seems a bit cold.

Sometimes the world is a cold place; sooner or later you get used to
the fact that people exist for their own benefit and not yours and
may not have the desires and goals that you'd like them to have.

I don't know about you, but I've suffered a lot less emotional pain
at the hands of women who told me up front that they weren't interested
in an emotional relationship, but would be interested in a physical 
one, at least until they found someone more suitable, than with
women who just sorta let that point slide and didn't think to 
mention it to me until after I'd gotten emotionally involved. 

Fantasies may be great to visit, but they're hard to live in. 

>>You may find this hard to believe, but it is quite possible to be
>>'fucking good friends'.
>
>You're right, I am skeptical about this.  I was once in a relationship
>where I thought it was possible to remain 'fucking good friends'.  I was
>wrong.  You can make all the pacts and agreements with your partner that
>you want, but it dosen't preclude the possibility that someone's going
>to develop some kind of deeper feelings, particularly if you really are
>_friends_ and not just acquaintances.  It takes a cold individual to
>completely seperate themselves from the psychological and emotional
>aspects of sex with a friend, at least if it's on any kind of regular
>basis.  

I'm sure it's possible for many people--indeed, I know many people who
have no trouble at all with such relationships.  Unfortunately, I'm not
very good at separating sexual intimacy from emotional intimacy and tend
to get emotionally attached when it's inappropriate to do so.

So, it depends on the people involved; if you don't feel you can handle
it comfortably, then don't do it.

Trygve   (Actually, in my experience, it doesn't take a cold individual--
          just one who sees the two experiences as largely unrelated, and
          that's not exactly an uncommon viewpoint.)
--
Green clovers:  If your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow shape is the
  green clover, you're a happy-go-lucky type in bed.  You don't take
  anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage
  to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you.  You
  don't have any patience with depressed people and tend to sit on
  them until they cheer up.
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