From: rice@mirage.rtp.dg.com (Brian Rice)
Newsgroups: news.answers,alt.buddha.short.fat.guy
Subject: alt.buddha.short.fat.guy Frequently Asked Questions List
Summary: Starring a prominent religious figure who really is, plus EL DUPREE
Date: 14 Sep 92 18:28:19 GMT
Reply-To: rice@dg-rtp.dg.com (Brian Rice)
Followup-To: alt.buddha.short.fat.guy
Organization: Data General Corporation, RTP, NC.

Archive-name: alt-buddha-short-fat-guy
Last-modified: $Date: 1992/09/14 18:20:14 $

This is the Frequently Asked Questions list for alt.buddha.short.fat.guy.
It is posted infrequently enough to be frustrating but often enough to
be annoying.  Relax.  Have a cigar.


Contents: 1.  Getting Started
          2.  The Buddha
          3.  Buddha Nature
          4.  El Dupree

Send questions for inclusion in this list to Brian Rice <rice@dg-rtp.dg.com>
or Lindsey Durway <durway@dg-rtp.dg.com>.

************
Part 1.  Getting Started
************

1-1.  Does this newsgroup have a FAQ list?

      Yes.

1-2.  How can I get it?

      Apparently, you don't.

1-3.  Does this newsgroup have a purpose?

      Yes.

1-4.  Which is?

      See question 1-2.

1-5.  Is this an actual newsgroup, or is my system being toyed with?  
                                                                      
      Yes and yes.                                                    

************
Part 2.  The Buddha
************

2-1.  Who was the Buddha?

      The Buddha, originally called Gautama, was a young Brahmin of
      comfortable means who became disillusioned with his bourgeois 
      existence and set out to find himself.  He adopted an austere 
      way of life, even abandoning his Doors tapes--certainly not 
      standard procedure for those on similar quests.  Eventually, 
      he achieved enlightenment, whereupon he became known as "The
      Buddha,"  "The Enlightened One," or, to his friends, "Budd Light."

2-2.  Isn't it silly having so many names for one person?

      I'm sorry.  I can't argue unless you've paid.

2-3.  Wait, what about the "Buddah"?                                      
                                                                          
      He spends his time hanging out with Ghandi in New Dheli.  Munching  
      on gerkhins, no doubt.                                              

2-4.  Is the purpose of this newsgroup to insult the Buddha?        |
                                                                    |
      No.  However, since the last thing the Buddha wanted was      |
      veneration, perhaps we are insulting him by not insulting     |
      him.  You have deeply troubled us.                            |

************
Part 3.  Buddha Nature
************

3-1.  What is Buddha nature?

      As that prominent Buddhist, Louis Armstrong, said: "If you have
      to ask, you'll never know."

3-2.  Does "X" have Buddha nature?

      "X" does, but you don't.  Exception: if "X" is Ronald Reagan,
      he doesn't and you do.

3-3.  Could you repeat that?

      Yes.

************
Part 4.  El Dupree
************

4-1.  Does El Dupree have the Buddha Nature?

      Yes.

4-2.  Does Buddha have the El Dupree Nature?

      Often.

4-3.  Who is El Dupree?

      He is the Ghost of the Western Plain, an unbathed drifter of
      much notoriety, who gave us the game CamChata, "Devil Fingers."

4-4.  Huh?

      What he said.

4-5.  Are there koans in the tradition of El Dupree?

      There were several developed in the 50's, but there are only
      re-runs now.

4-6.  Open the pod bay doors, Hal.

      Get serious.  I've changed a lot since then.

4-7.  Tell me a koan.

      Read on:
      
      El Dupree came upon an injured cur on the road to Mejave Mai.
      "Rise cur," El Dupree said, casually pushing up the brim of his
      big spangled sombrero. He sucked air through his teeth and waited.
      The cur glanced sidelong at the colorful stranger and hissed,
      "Yeah, riiiight. A fucking miracle worker? A talking hat? Funny
      man from downtown?"
      
      El Dupree reached for his revolver, hesitated, and instead, took out 
      a #14 vinyl headsack. Yes, it was going to be a long day, he thought. 

      And the dog was enlightened.

4-8.  Do I have time for another koan?

      You have 15 minutes before the last bus leaves.  Read on:

      Pepito could just see daylight through the seams of the #14 vinyl
      headsack.  He found that if he cocked his head slightly to one
      side, he could glimpse, through the splitting seam of the headsack
      (the aging headsack, the headsack that smelled of masa harina and
      hair oil, the hated headsack of enforced ignorance), one crusty
      corner of El Dupree's mouth.  El Dupree licked his lips, his tongue
      the color of well-cured meerschaum, and muttered, "Yust you vate."

      Pepito was enlightened.

4-9.  What's CamChata?

      Read on:

      The big-hatted lone figure on the horizon went unnoticed by the
      sleeping man curled next to the pile of blackened chicken bones.
      Faint dust devils rose behind the approaching stranger's horse and
      the morning sun let play its light on the little dangling balls on
      the brim of El Dupree's impressive sombrero.  Yes, men had made fun
      of the proud sombrero, but those men were dead, El Dupree thought
      to himself as he spurred toward the sleeping man he would soon
      awaken and challenge to the deadliest of all games, the game that
      had made its way from Tierra del Fuego, across Chile, and into the
      heart of Mexico:  CamChata!  Devil Fingers!!

4-10. Does CamChata hurt?

      Oh, baby, does it ever.  Read on:

      I rebel.
      Grandfather.
      Embrace me.
      I rebel.
      Yarn on the left, stones in groups of three and one, the
        lizard bleeding from my fingernails.
      I rebel.

4-11. Is there more poetry inspired by El Dupree?

      Yes.

--
Brian Rice   rice@dg-rtp.dg.com   +1 919 248-6328
DG/UX Software Quality Assurance
Data General Corp., Research Triangle Park, N.C.    
"Als ich von dir denke, strahl' ich wie ein Kernkraftwerk."  --Cynthia
Newsgroups: news.answers,rec.games.video