From: grendel@canetoad.UUCP (Rage y Romance)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: How to Leave the One You Love 
Distribution: world
Date: 1 Oct 92 00:15:18 EDT
Organization: The Satellite of Love


I racked my brain; stretched it, twisted it, tortured it, until I thought 
of a way.
"Yes, that is what I will do.", I said aloud and dropped the 90lb barbell 
onto the floor narrowly missing Elwood.

"Meow!".  Click goes his switch blade.
"Heeey, no harm no foul", I say, kick the knife out of his paw and jog 
into the bathroom.

Turning the shower up to a nice 160 degrees Fahrenheit, I climb in for 
my daily scalding.
OOoooh what a feeling.
As I towel off I practice how I'll begin the conversation.
"Chris, I love you but...", nay, tis too bland.
"Chris, man, what can I say. I love you, you big, hung like a horse...", 
hmm, maybe.
"Chris, don't ever say I never gave you anything big guy, because I'm 
going to give you this...I love you."
I laugh as I think of the look of surprise that will surely be on his face.
I 've never said it to him so I know he'll think it's pretty cool of me 
to say it in public.
Shame I'm ditching him.

If you love someone, set them free.
Freeee, freeee, set them free.  Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
Gosh, I dig that Sting. Heeee's sooo cooool. Ha!Ha!Ha!

What to wear, what to wear?
I'll be a lawyer.
I'll be a thief.
I'll be a doctor
or Indian Chief.
No, today I'll go as a State Trooper.  That really inflates the ole "pants 
dirigible" for my main man.

As I look in the mirror and slick my hair back so that my trooper hat 
sits just right I feel a twinge in my heart.
Maybe I shouldn't do this.  Maybe I should be selfish and keep this 
incredibly handsome hunk of humanity to myself.
But, I can't do that, I think as I slip my mirrored shades onto my face.
I am a humanitarian after all, and my heart would have to be cold and diamond 
hard
to think Chris should ONLY cook ME breakfast, should take only MY suits to 
the dry cleaners, should wash only MY feet after a long day of crushing 
grapes. Everyone should have the opportunity to give Chris the love he 
deserves.
Everyone.

Boots shined, shirt pressed, badge shiny and gun cocked I set out to spread 
my good will toward Man.

Ah, there he sits, unaware of the good fortune about to befall him.
"Officer would you like a table in smoking or non-smoking?"
"Don't bother ma'am, the person I'm meeting is already seated."
Everyone's eyes are on me as I weave through the tables because, damn, I 
look good.
I slide into the booth across from him and see him look up from his Wall
Street Journal.  Immediately I see his big bad baby blues dilate with 
appreciation.

"What can I do for you officer?"
"Order me breakfast, miscreant."  Chris smiles at me and winks.
Flo, our big haired waitress takes our order and leaves me to stare into 
Chris' eyes and he to stare into my shades.

"So what's the occasion?"
"No talking. I do the talking today and I don't feel like talking until 
I've had my breakfast."
"O.K. let's not talk. How about you bring your cute little butt over to my 
side of the table so I can fondle you in private?"
I almost smile.
"No."

We wait in silence; he drumming his fingers in misguided anticipation, 
me back straight, stomach in, chest out, battening down my greed.  God, 
I want to keep him all to myself.  I am a weak sniveling brat that at this 
late a date I should genuflect before the alter of my lust.
My breakfast arrives; a nice, hot, steaming pile of strawberry pancakes. 
I frantically begin to cut into it to let out the heat. I dowse it in syrup 
and throw in some butter for good measure.
Chris begins to laugh, "What's the deal? Any reason for this high cholesterol 
and sugar diet?". 
"Shut up and wait.", I mutter, now near hysteria, for I can feel myself 
weakening.
I finally finish. 

I reach up and take off my glasses and look deep into his eyes.
"What have I never said to you?"
The immediate dawning is astonishing; I never knew it bothered him so much.
"Well...", he paused and I could see him mentally questioning whether 
he could be mistaken.
"Well, you've never said you love me."
I flip my breakfast into his face. I hear the *donk* of the plate against 
his forehead and watch it slide down the front of his shirt.
Stunned silence fills the room the way a vagrant's stench fills a train car.
I pick up my glass of water and splash it in his face just to make sure 
I didn't scald him.
I hear Flo gasp. Don't worry babe, I have this situation un-der con-trol.
I get up and squeeze in beside Chris and begin to lick the food off his face.

"Chris, I don't know if you realize this or not but love is selfish.(slurp)
It serves no purpose but to make the people involved feel damn good (lorp), 
and I for one feel that is pretty destructive to society as a whole.(schloop)
How can I, a caring and giving individual continue to deny the rest of 
society the opportunity to feel the shining beauty of your love?"(lap)
I notice some strawberry goo caught in the knot of his tie and drop my 
head to nibble it out with my teeth.

"It is because I love you so very much, (shep) that I would give you this 
public display of affection before I allowed you your freedom to teach 
others love."(lap)

I look up into his love dazed eyes. "I mean, I don't do this for just anyone.
It's my deep and indestructible love that makes me so demonstrative."

"Wait a minute," he says his voice slurred with affection...then again it
could be the head injury he just sustained.

"You'er leaving me?"
I notice some syrup and pancake is stuck in his right nostril and I lean up to suck it
out.
(shup)"Sure thing dude."

"And you're...leaving...me, because you love me...and you want meee...to have
the...privilege of loving other individuals."
I beam at him, he is so understanding.  Gosh I'll miss him.
"Yes, love."
Suddenly, I find I cannot breath. Hm, Chris has a hold of my tie. Golly, what can be
wrong?

"You threw a hot plate of food...into my face, in PUBLIC, BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME
AND WANT TO LEAVE ME?"
"Squeak."
"What?"
"Squeeeaak!"
"What did you say? Oh I'm sorry, am I cutting off the air to your brain? Are you
blacking out you little...!", he suddenly stops and lets me go.
I collapse against the seat gasping for air, he collapses against the seat 
grasping for his sanity.

"Why, Grendel why?", he asks dejectedly.
(gasp), (gasp) "Because I love you."
"And this is how you leave the one you love?"
"Yes, this is how you should leave the one you love."

He is silent for a few long moments and then he turns his head to stare at my profile.
Suddenly, he turns in the seat so that he's facing me.

"Are you sure," he says leaning over me and slowly running his middle finger 
of his left hand up my up the inseam of my left pant leg, "That you don't 
put on your lover's favorite costume..."
That hand is getting higher.
"uuuh...", I say intelligently.
"...and treat him to breakfast...". That hand hits jackpot.Jesus.
"Uumm."
"...and then go home and make love till you forget the exactly why your doing it?"
(gurgle)(gasp)"Uh, what?"
"Are you sure?"
"Well, (squirm)(groan), your way is another way."

Geez, why does Chris have syrup all over his shirt.

"Chris (moan) who's going to pay for this?"
"Hey love, breakfast is on me."
"So this is how you leave the one you love?"
"Yes officer, this is how you leave the one you love."
              ^^^^

--
"So I'm minding my own business...no, really. | ...uunet!canetoad!grendel
 And I see him, the HIM in big impressive     | canetoad!grendel@uunet.uu.net
 letters. And he owns me, I mean the way      |
 pigeons own N.Y...damn I'm had again."       |
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre