Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: allisson@turing.toronto.edu (H. Allisson Roome)
Subject: Re: Teasing and other Games of Romance
Organization: Net.Gypsy/ROM
Date: 11 Nov 92 01:15:52 GMT

I suppose I should try and defend my post about teasing as a
correct form of dating practice but, in truth, I cannot. 

Yes, Dawn, I realize that my hypothetical woman's problem was trust
and that the notion of sex as a manipulation tool was something
that should be relegated to the cultural dark-ages.  You may note
the word hypothetical in my description of the woman I "advised;"
simply put, I created her out of a composite of my own experiences
and created my advice out of what advice was given to me.  I don't
claim that it was good advice.  In fact, I intentionally skewed the
shading of my words so that it seemed more extreme and manipulative
(Actually, I was surprised at the number of people who thought I
was serious in what I wrote). 

Why would I do something like that?  I was hoping to illustrate a
point:  that people still play head-games with each other rather
than just being honest.  Unfortunately, in 'Romance', you need both
parties to be honest with each other and, more importantly, with
themselves.  I really think that being honest with yourself is the
key to *ALL* relationships; since, if you know who you are and what
it is that you want, it is that much easier to convey it to someone
else.   

However, people frequently don't know what it is that they want
until they almost lose it or until they miss it when it is gone. 
It's like the old method of choosing between two things:  you flip
a coin and in that moment while it is in the air, you decide which
way you *really* want the coin to land. (thanks to the person who
reminded me of that illustration)  Not to be gendrist (I 'adore' PC
language) but, a male friend of mine once said, when I asked him
what he wanted with regard to the relationship that we had,
"Sweetie, men don't really know what we want unless somehow we find
that we miss it.  Either it is something that was there and now
isn't or something that never was there and now it should be."Also,
let us not forget that there is a difference between what we really
want and what we think we should want or what we are told to want. 


I've seen people who challenge time-honored codes when they meet a
special someone and others who won't even consider a person because
of a prohibiting factor.   Also there is the issue of what
qualities you, as an individual, hold to be important in a Romantic
relationship versus what the societal expectations are but, that,
as atopic, has already been discussed to death.

Now where does all that fit in with teasing?  Simply put, the
notion of teasing or playing-hard-to-get is a way of having little
losses or periods where you are missed.  That is when you look at
it simply through a cause-effect interpretation.  If my
hypothetical friend were willing to be honest about her fears with
the man that she is interested in, she might not have to play these
games.  But still, a little elusiveness never hurt anyone, did
it?

Allisson-- 
allisson@turing.toronto.edu                            H. Allisson Roome
"Kindness is the beginning and end of the Law" - Hebrew Proverb

Newsgroups: soc.singles