HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: jeff@econBerkeley.EDU (Jeffrey C. Ely)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Spoonerisms!
Date: 28 Jan 1993 19:20:27 GMT
Organization: Econometrics Laboratory, U. C. Berkeley
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: emily4.berkeley.edu

A Spoonerism is a form of malapropism, a transposition of words or
syllables in a sentence or phrase.  The defining characteristic of a Spoonerism
is that the transposed version has a meaning of its own and that meaning can
be related in some way to the meaning of the original version.  

Example:

What is the difference between a tribe of pygmies and the women's marathon team?

Answer:  One is a bunch of cunning runts....

Actually, the form "What is the difference between..." is considered a low-
rent form of Spoonerism since it violates an important criterion for a good
transposition pun.  That is that the two versions should be easily relateable
within the context of the joke.  The "What is the difference between..."
form is usually used only because there is no natural way to do this, and thus
the pun loses some of its elegance.  

The nice thing about Spoonerisms is that once you start to get the hang of
them, its easy to come up with your own.  In fact it can be quite addicting.
At the height of my spoonerism craze, I found myself reprocessing every sentence
I heard, searching for a Spoonerism.  If you're good at it, you'll be amazed
ar how common they are, and you can really annoy your friends in conversation!

Here is the first Spoonerism I ever created.  it still holds a special place
in my heart:

A young man was distressed that due to the recent blizzard, the highway
had been closed down, and he would be unable to drive home and have his
evening nap before attending the opera.  Staring down at his new loafers
which were bound to be ruined in his walk to the theatre, he thought to 
himself glumly," Well, I guess I'll just have to take my snooze through the
show."

By the way, the definitive reference on Sponnerisms is a book called
Cruel and Unusual Puns by Hauptman (can't remember the first name).

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++|+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jeff Ely                         |    "He said the Sun's not yellow...  
Department of Economics          |     It's Chicken!" 
UC Berkeley                      |
jeff@econ.berkeley.edu           |    
  
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: rdippold@qualcom.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold)
Subject: Re: Nature/Naturalist Quote Request
Keywords: nature, naturalist, outside
Organization: Qualcomm, Inc., San Diego, CA
Distribution: usa
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 01:57:47 GMT

jkr+@CS.CMU.EDU (Ken Rosenblatt) writes:
>[the old saw]
>					- Chief Seattle, 1854

Except that it was made up for him, much like the "Nero fiddled while
Rome burned" thing.  I suppose there must be some finite probability
that he just happened to say exactly the same thing...  Barring that,
however, it's fabricated.
-- 
Keep the pointy end forward and the dirty side down.
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: <None>
From: glazier@isr.harvard.edu (Andrew Baker Glazier)
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 93 14:33:58 GMT
Organization: Sirius Cybernetics Corporation

>How about:
>
>In days of old
>when knights were bold
>and toilets not invented
>they dropped their load
>upon the road
>and road away contented

"Let all those who go to don armour tomorrow remember to go BEFORE they do
armour tomorrow." -- on the eve of the Battle of Bosworth Field
-- 
"A horse! A horse! Somebody give me a horse, man, because|glazier@ 
I come to bury this dirtball, not to praise him. Whaddya |harvard.isr.edu
think I am? Whether it's nobler for the mind to make people suffer with all
these totally outrageous arrows arrows for a fortune, or what!" -- D.R.
From: faber@loon.cs.wisc.edu (Ted)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Re: SEX
Date: 25 Jan 93 17:57:19 GMT
Organization: U of Wisconsin Madison - Computer Sciences

slouie@ocf.berkeley.edu (Shelley Louie) writes:

>First, take a breath and then sing...
>
>"No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women, no fun, no sin, no you, no wonder I'm 
> lost"
>	 -"Turning Japanese" by the Vapors

	"everyone around me is a total stranger,
	 everyone avoids me like a Cyclone Ranger,
	 Eeeeeeveryone"

	 Great song.

>-Shelley Louie

"Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty--power is ever stealing from the
 many to the few." -- Wendell Phillips

-- 
Ted Faber		Figment at Large		  faber@loon.cs.wisc.edu
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit." -- Maugham
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: jne5873@ritvax.isc.rit.edu (Jared Evans)
Subject: DEEP THOUGHTS
Reply-To: jne5873@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Organization: Rochester Institute of Technology
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 21:42:28 GMT

I love DEEP THOUGHTS!!  If any of you out there have a complete list 
PLEASE send it to me at jne5873@ritvax.isc.rit.edu

Thanks in advance...
Jared Evans                         | Come Pilgrim, partake of my electricity | 
Computer Science/Engineering        |      ENJOY ITS FORCE AND POWER...       |
Rochester Institute of Technology   | It shall transform parched deserts into |
INTERNET: jne5873@ritvax.isc.rit.edu|a paradise of perfumed orchards. ->Zeus<-|
THIS .sig MADE OF 100% RECYCLED ELECTRONS / THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY: INTERNET
From: chuahl@ocf.berkeley.edu (Chua HakLien)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Re: Nature/Naturalist Quote Request
Date: 21 Jan 1993 19:03:55 GMT
Organization: U.C. Berkeley Open Computing Facility
NNTP-Posting-Host: maelstrom.berkeley.edu
Keywords: nature, naturalist, outside

When two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.
			- East African Proverb

Chua
+==+
From: prechelt@i41s18.ira.uka.de (Lutz Prechelt)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Offensive .sig (was: I'll be back...)
Date: 21 Jan 1993 13:39:39 GMT
Organization: University of Karlsruhe, FRG
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: i41s18.ira.uka.de


No flames please.
I know it doesn't belong into this group. But I believe it is important
enough:

In article <63570@mimsy.umd.edu>, you write:
|> larsa@colargol.edb.tih.no (Lars Joergen Aas) writes:
...
|> >+------------------+---------------------------------------------------------+
|> >| Lars Joergen Aas |       The best way to avoid being raped:  Say yes!      |
...
|>      Maybe it's a matter of language difference (I note the ".no" in the
|> address), but your .sig statement is going to be regarded as really, really,
|> really offensive by many people.

Yes, probably.  But that may in fact be a misunderstanding (depending 
on what the quote was originally meant to mean):

I have heard (from a feminist!) that this really often works.
Since rapers are usually very anxious people, they often panic and
flee if their supposed victim says "Yes, come and take me".

No joke.

  Lutz

-- 
Lutz Prechelt   (email: prechelt@ira.uka.de)            | Whenever you 
Institut fuer Programmstrukturen und Datenorganisation  | complicate things,
Universitaet Karlsruhe;  D-7500 Karlsruhe 1;  Germany   | they get
(Voice: ++49/721/608-4068, FAX: ++49/721/694092)        | less simple.
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: dreese@willamette.edu (Daniel L. Reese)
Subject: Re: statistics
Organization: Willamette University, Salem OR
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 04:50:53 GMT

In article <1993Jan20.011554.19491@cs.mun.ca> jbutt@odie.cs.mun.ca (Jonathan Butt) writes:
>
>49 % of all statistics.....are wrong.
>			- Statistics Canada 1985
>
>-- 
> |----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> : Jonathan D. Butt             | "You dont need to be a Rocket Surgeon to   |
> | jbutt@garfield.cs.mun.ca     |  figure that one out !"  - Don Cherry      |
> | jbutt@odie.cs.mun.ca         |                                            |   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------


51% of all Americans are in the majority.
		SNL
From: sven@cs.widener.edu (Sven M Heinicke)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations,widener.misc
Subject: fun king lear quote
Date: 25 Jan 1993 18:28:49 GMT
Organization: Widener CS Dept
Distribution: alt
NNTP-Posting-Host: lucy.cs.widener.edu


new quote for my quote file:

``A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow,
beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave;
a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass-gazing,
super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that
wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the
composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir
of a mongrel bitch: one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if
thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition.''
 --Earl of Kent, _The_Tragedy_of_King_Lear_

--
Sven Heinicke <sven@cs.widener.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: jbutt@odie.cs.mun.ca (Jonathan Butt)
Subject: Re: Cheers
Organization: CS Dept., Memorial University of Newfoundland
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 15:47:41 GMT


Two other of my favorites:

Coach: What do you say to a cold beer Norm ?

Norm:  Going Down !


Coach: Norm, can I draw you a beer ?

Norm: No thanks Coach, I know what they look like, just pour me one.


I'll add a third for good measure.

Woody: What's shakin Mr. Peterson?

Norm: Three chins...four cheeks.


thats all for now.


-- 
 |----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 : Jonathan D. Butt             | "You dont need to be a Rocket Surgeon to   |
 | jbutt@garfield.cs.mun.ca     |  figure that one out !"  - Don Cherry      |
 | jbutt@odie.cs.mun.ca         |                                            |   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: shallit@graceland.uwaterloo.ca (Jeffrey Shallit)
Subject: Re: ecology & Christianity
Organization: University of Waterloo
Distribution: alt
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 14:49:43 GMT

In article <C17zJ0.53J@ecf.toronto.edu> pelton@ecf.toronto.edu (PELTON MATTHEW ALAN) writes:
>But the idea of dominion has been abused
>by many Christians, and I think the author of the original quote believed that
>the best way to remedy this situation would be to get rid of the idea being
>abused.  Not that I necessarily agree with her.

Try "him".  Lynn White, Jr. is a man.

Jeff Shallit

"[W]e shall continue to have a worsening ecologic crisis until
we reject the Christian axiom that nature has no reason for
existence save to serve man."

	-- Lynn White, Jr., "The Historical Roots of Our 
	Ecologic Crisis", Science V. 155 No. 3767 (10 March 1967),
	pp. 1203-1207.
From: danhua@garnet.berkeley.edu (Dan Hua)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Getting an accurate quote
Date: 26 Jan 1993 13:35:38 GMT
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: garnet.berkeley.edu

Hello Folks! 	I was wondering if anyone knows the
complete quote which includes these words (about
England)  ".... this happy breed of men,...this land
of poets,.. this realm, this land, this England."  I might
have misquoted somewhat.  Oh, since I also have about 800
articles to catch up, could the person who knows send the
info to me too? (in addition to the newsgroup)).

Thanks alot in advance.


Dan

danhua@garnet.berkeley.edu

Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: st923459@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
Subject: Groucho
Reply-To: st923459@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 18:02:27 GMT

Here's a nice one...

Dick Cavett quotes Groucho Marx:

"PS.  Did you ever realize that Peter O'Toole has a double-phallic name?"

Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: andrewc@aurora.cc.monash.edu.au (Andrew J. Cosgriff !)
Subject: Re: Star Trek: The Original Series
Organization: Monash University, Melb., Australia.
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 23:45:40 GMT

minsky@media.mit.edu (Marvin Minsky) writes:


>Don't get me wrong: I regard ST as one of the most civilizing
>operations in today's media.  But there are better newsgroups for 
>fandom.  I didn't care for the many Nietsche quotes here last month --
>but I don't suppose there ais a rec.arts.Nietsche.fandom group for
>those.

Well if you didn't like what was on here, why are you reading this group
anyway ?

If you don't like certain threads, invest in a proper newsreader
with a KILL FILE !

Happy learning !

Cos !


-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 * Andrew J. Cosgriff ! *                   #include <std_witty_quote.h>
#define HERE cc.monash.edu.au               #include <std_disclaimer.h>
Hassle me at :      andrewc@aurora.HERE ; andrewc@lindblat.HERE ; cos@yoyo.HERE
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: brian@garfield.cs.mun.ca (Brian Paquet)
Subject: Re: Star Trek: The Original Series
Organization: CS Dept., Memorial University of Newfoundland
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 03:08:44 GMT

I like the one spock does in the eposode with Harry Mud and his Robot
slavers/enslavers

Harry: Spock  you couldn't sell fake patents to your mother
Spock: I fail to understand why I would fish to induce my mother to 
       purchace falseafied patents?

Crakcs me up
[if this was said before  sorry ]

Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: venhuize@fraser.sfu.ca (Christian Venhuizen)
Subject: Re: Bathroom Graffiti
Organization: Simon Fraser University, Burnaby, B.C., Canada
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 00:31:13 GMT


And here's one more
 Those who write on shithouse walls
 Roll their shit in little balls
 Those who read those lines of wit
 Eat those little balls of shit!

TEX
venhuize@sfu.ca


>In article <1joplo$2q5@agate.berkeley.edu> slouie@ocf.berkeley.edu (Shelley Louie) writes:
>>"Once while comtemplating suicide, I had to take a dump. It was a good shit.
>> A bowel movement of greatness.  And all I could think was how good it felt
>> and how I would miss it if I was dead.
>>
>> Remember this shit. It could save your life!"
>>
>>-Shelley Louie
>>"I know how we can save the cows! We'll teach them to surf!"

>Robin Williams, in the movie the Fisher-King, I believe.

>	-Owen 
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: rick@sq.sq.com (Rick Innis)
Subject: Re: Fiery the angel.. Blade Runner
Organization: SoftQuad Inc., Toronto, Canada
Distribution: alt
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 93 16:27:49 GMT

In article <1993Jan25.044426.12747@jato.jpl.nasa.gov> michael@neuron6.jpl.nasa.gov (Michael Rivero) writes:
>Nathan Otto Siemers (ns14@crux2.crux2.cit.cornell.edu) wrote:
>: 
>: This one has bugging me for a long time.
>: 
>: Spoken by Rutger Hauer, as Roy in Blade Runner
>: 
>: 
>: 	Fiery the angels fell
>: 	Deep thunder rolled around their shoulders
>: 	Burning with the fires of  (Hawk?  sounds like.)
>: 
>: Anyone know where this comes from?
>: 
>
>  The word is "Orc". I have a vague memory that this was from T.S. Eliott,
>but I'm probably wrong on this.

If the word is Orc, then it could be from Blake's "America: A Vision", which
includes a character of that name.  I don't have my Norton Anthology of
English Lit on hand, but will check it up later (unless someone else beats
me to it.)

	--Rick.
-- 
Rick Innis
SoftQuad Inc.           "Have you seen the secret of the Universe?"  said 
rick@sq.com             Zebedee, arriving.  "I know I left it here somewhere."
+1 (416) 239 4801
From: olson@husc8.harvard.edu (Chip Olson)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Re: Star Trek quotes
Date: 23 Jan 93 08:25:15 GMT
 <1ji01mINNrfo@west.West.Sun.COM><1993Jan21.012615.10002@mcc.com><1993Jan22.055048.13990@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au>
Organization: Spam-On-A-Rope Inc.
In-reply-to: rez@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au's message of Fri, 22 Jan 1993 05:50:48 GMT

In article <1993Jan22.055048.13990@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au> rez@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Anestis Kozakis <Rez>) writes:

>>>This list contains the ten most common phrases in the original series.
>>>
>>>"Beam me up, Scotty"			- Kirk to Lieutenant Scott
>Actually, this was never really said (as far as I can remmeber), or was
>that "Scotty, beam me up"?

Just like Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson" in any of
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's stories.

--
-Chip Olson. | olson@husc.harvard.edu | ceo@{gnu.ai,silver.lcs}.mit.edu
This article is a natural product.  The slight variations in spelling and
grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to
be considered flaws or defects.
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: cutco@sdf.lonestar.org (Dan Nolen III)
Subject: For your amusement
Organization: sdf public access Unix, Dallas -- 214-436-3281
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 22:41:33 GMT

Here are a couple I made up myself:

"We have nothing to fear except fear itself...and the McDonald's veggie burger"

"Let them have their cake and eat it too!" Marie Antoinette's nicer sister

=====================================================================
Dan E. Nolen III cutco@sdf.lonestar.org
From: klaus@diku.dk (Klaus Ole Kristiansen)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Re: Uni Toilets
Date: 21 Jan 93 12:27:41 GMT
Organization: Department of Computer Science, U of Copenhagen

mcf@medici.trl.OZ.AU (Michael Flower) writes:

>Seen on the toilet walls at Uni a lot of years ago:

Haplogy now!

(I hope that comes through in translation)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: rpratt@novell.com (Robert Pratt)
Subject: Re: My Quote List
Organization: Novell Inc., San Jose, Califonia
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 01:49:35 GMT

In article <JOHNCH.93Jan27165114@test22.sun.com> johnch@test22.sun.com (Where are the Prawns?) writes:
>In article <1993Jan27.045426.28372@news.acns.nwu.edu> weasel@merle.acns.nwu.edu (Mike Rosenberg) writes:
>   If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. 
>I liked this variation:
>If all economists were laid end to end, it would be a good idea.
>Anyone know who said it?
   No, but Dorothy Parker is the one who said, concerning Co-Eds,
"If all those sweet young things were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all
surprised."

So the idea has definitely been around for a while.

Bob
Bob Pratt                               | voice     : (408) 473-8274
Network Management Products Division    | Fax       : (408) 435-1706
Novell, Inc.                            | more voice: (800) 243-8526
2180 Fortune Drive, San Jose, Ca. 95131 | Internet  : rpratt@Novell.com
"The line between actually very serious and actually very funny
is actually very thin." John LeCarre
Disclaimer:  I do not speak for Novell in any way, shape, or form.
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: pelton@ecf.toronto.edu (PELTON MATTHEW ALAN)
Subject: Re: Un Baiser ou Un Bisou!
Organization: University of Toronto, Engineering Computing Facility
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 23:47:28 GMT

In article <1993Jan22.150009@floreal.ibp.fr> nguyenth@floreal.ibp.fr (Thao Nguyen) writes:
>
>"A kiss is a rosy dot over the 'i' of loving" - Cyrano de Bergerac

  Since Cyrano usually spoke in French, I would suspect this isn't exactly
what he said.  What was the French word for "loving" that he used?  I can't
think of any containing an "i."



Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: haavardf@elektron.uio.no (Haavard Fosseng)
Subject: Re: Req: Brains quotes
Organization: University of Oslo, Norway
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 20:34:04 GMT

"I just found out that the brain is like a computer.  If that's true, then
there really aren't any stupid people.  Just people running DOS."

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow."
		- Woodrow Wilson

A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension.
                                           -Oliver Wendell Holmes

O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains!
			- Othello

I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.

The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity
-- the rest is overhead for the operating system.

Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: P.Etheridge@massey.ac.nz (Phil Etheridge)
Subject: Re: QUOTE OF THE DAY
Followup-To: alt.quotations
Organization: SMIS, Massey University
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 93 03:30:04 GMT

hickman3278@iscsvax.uni.edu wrote:
> 
> I am sending a quote each day that I can. I will give it the title 
> QUOTE OF THE DAY. These quotes will be coming from the book "Live and Learn and Pass It On"
> You can get it at any of your local bookstores.

Here's a few I like from the same book, which I've been meaning to post for
a while:

"I've learned that regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow are twin
thieves that rob us of the moment".

"I've learned that I don't feel my age as long as I focus
on my dreams instead of on my regrets"

"Ive learned that relationships are more important than rules."

More details of the book: "Live and Learn and Pass It On", compiled by H.
Jackson Brown, Jr. Published by Bookman Press, Melbourne, Australia.

--
Phil Etheridge               P.Etheridge@massey.ac.nz
Macintosh Consultant         Phone: +64+6-356-9099 x8689
SMIS, Massey University      Fax:   +64+6-350-5611
Palmerston North, NZ         40*23'S 175*37'E,    GMT+13
From: gary@wb9rxw.lonestar.org (Gary Partain)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Re: Cheers
Date: 26 Jan 93 17:32:05 GMT
Organization: American Airlines - STIN

Sam:  "What's goin' down, Norm?"

Norm: "My butt on that bar stool."
-- 
Gary Partain                 | Gentlemen prefer blondes, but take what
American Airlines, D/FW, TX  | they can get.
texsun!wb9rxw!gary           | 
gary@wb9rxw.lonestar.org     |                          - Don Harold -
From: hickman3278@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: QUOTE OF THE DAY
Date: 25 Jan 93 20:05:08 -0600
Summary: From the book "Live and Learn and Pass It On"
Reply-To: Hickman3278 iscs.univax.edu
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

I am sending a quote each day that I can. I will give it the title QUOTE OF THE
DAY. These quotes will be coming from the book "Live and Learn and Pass It On"
You can get it at any of your local bookstores.

                      I've learned that life challenges us with the fact that
everything can be done better.  

                                -Age 57
From: mod@cs.man.ac.uk (Mike O'Docherty (Teaching Company Associate))
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: Re: Bathroom Graffiti
Date: 21 Jan 93 10:09:32 GMT

Stirling Albion --- the only team to realise
revolutionary Marxism in front of goal
and to use dialectical materialism to
beat the offside trap.
                          --- In a cubicle in the Union at Manchester
                              University.

Mike.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Lou Reed was singing about scoring drugs. Tom Robinson was singing about
scoring sex. I don't know what she's singing about, Dolly Mixtures
probably." --- Nicky Campbell on Vanessa Paradis' cover of "Waiting for
the man"   => => => => => => => => => => => => => => =>  mod@cs.man.ac.uk
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.quotations