From: jodar@chaph.usc.edu (Nicholas Jodar)
Newsgroups: soc.religion.islam
Subject: Re: Converting to Islam
Date: 20 Nov 1992 21:52:51 GMT
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
Reply-To: jodar@chaph.usc.edu (Nicholas Jodar)
NNTP-Posting-Host: wookumz.gnu.ai.mit.edu
Summary: What done happened to me....
Keywords: Finding Islam
Originator: gwydion@wookumz.gnu.ai.mit.edu

To: kmarino@Bonnie.ICS.UCI.EDU
Cc to: soc.religion.islam

Greetings! :-)

In article <1eendcINN2e7@life.ai.mit.edu> you write:

>Hello,
>
>I am an American who has been interested in converting to Islam for
>sometime now.  
...
>I would also like to start a dialog with some of you to help me in this
>transition to Islam.  If you are interested in taking the time to help
>someone in need of answers (and even some questions), please establish a
>communication with me.
>
>I look forward to hearing from some of you.
>
>Keith Marino

I read your article regarding your thoughts about Islam, and
since it reminded me of my own search for Islam, I thought I
should contact you.

But first let me tell you the 'short' version of my own 
story.... :-)

I can remember that when I first heard the word 'atheist,' and 
asked what it meant, I was surprised and confused.  How could
anybody not believe in Allah (SWT)?  Still, I accepted that there
might be people who had never heard of Allah before.  As I was
growing up, however, this thought kept bothering me.

I was not raised in any particular faith.  My Mom and Dad
believed very strongly in Allah, as did others in my family, but
they didn't want to 'shove religion down [my] throat.'  I went to
church several times, but I was always struck by the fact that
what the preacher was saying didn't sound right.

At the age of ten or eleven, I started studying the Bible and
thinking a lot about Allah (SWT) and how anybody could be so
deluded as to be unable to see the Truth.  I decided that I
needed to learn more so that I could show others what I knew in
my heart:  that there is only one GOD, and that we should worship
only 'Him.'

Life was difficult, but I kept returning to the Bible and
studying it for long periods of time.  Whenever somebody would
quote passages from it, I would look them up and find that the
person had taken the words and arrived at a meaning contradictory
to what was there.  I started getting into long arguments with
Christians about the meaning of the Bible and what Jesus (AS)
really said, but very few seemed to listen to me.

As I got older, I started looking for others who knew what I
knew, that rejected the false ideas of most Christians.  I looked
and looked, but I couldn't find anyone.  Every time I thought I'd
found a church that believed what I believed, it turned out they
were also astray.  I eventually gave up.  By this time, I was
quite different from most people, and I felt alienated.  My ideas, 
my view of the world, my culture was different from the rest, and
I was very lonely.  I looked at many other different cultures,
but while they had some similarities with me, they still had
views I was opposed to.  I thought about looking at Islam, with
its idea of 'Brotherhood,' but some news reports discouraged me
from that.  'If that's Islam, then I don't want it.'

I didn't give up, though.  I knew, from the limited precognition
which Allah (SWT) gave to me that this world was nothing and that
I was on the right track.  I continued studying the Bible and any
other books I could get my hands on.  I finished reading the
Bible and started over again, looking for things I might have
missed the first time.  What struck me most was the amount of
'garbage' in the book, but I knew it wasn't 'divinely inspired.'
Allah (SWT) would never write a book so flawed and inaccurate!
I was a social outcast among my peers, but I decided I didn't
need them.  I knew what was right and what was wrong, and
somehow, praise be to Allah, I managed to survive.

My first year in college, I was having an extremely difficult
time.  I was having thoughts of suicide, again, and even though I
totally rejected it as an option, I found myself almost flinging
myself off a balcony one day.  Scared, I went to the school
psychologist.  He was friendly, but he really didn't do much at
all for me.  I returned to my room and locked myself in.  I went
out into the middle of the fields at night and cried to Allah to
help me, and to Jesus (AS) to hold me, for I had no one else.

I stayed in my room for days, struggling to get through this,
asking over and over again why I had to feel so much pain, why I
was so isolated from everything else.  Answers!  I wanted
answers!  My spirit struggled inside of me, reaching out,
screaming for help.

'You want answers?' said a voice.  'You've got answers.'

Suddenly, I was nowhere, floating, my awareness filled with 
answers....all of them!  Everything!  Past, present and future, I
suddenly had all the answers to all the questions that had ever
been asked or ever will be.

It was a tremendous shock!  As though I had asked for a glass of
water and had an ocean dumped on me.  Then it was gone, just as
suddenly, leaving me trapped in a tiny space, unable to see,
feel, sense....  My mind was reeling.  For a few seconds, I 
couldn't even think.  The knowledge that my soul had touched was 
too vast for my puny brain to grasp.  Finally I realised that I 
was sitting up, on my bed, in the dark.  I hurriedly searched for
the light and something to write with, as the knowledge I had
known before kept slipping from me.

In the end, I managed to remember almost nothing, but my view of
life was forever altered.

Later that year, I picked up a copy of 'the Koran,' a translation
which was used in a comparative studies course.  Somehow, I never 
got around to reading it, though.  I continued to study the
Bible, and other related readings, however, and to discuss Allah 
with others whenever the opportunity came up.

My first year of graduate school kept me busy, yet I still found
time to pursue knowledge of Allah.  I even managed to get into
several discussions about it, but with limited success.  Towards
December, as Christmas approached, (how I dreaded Christmas), I 
got to talking about Allah with a friend of mine.  He was from
Lebanon and a muslim.  Since he seemed open-minded, I thought
perhaps he might be willing to listen to me where others would
not.

Well, he listened, alright!  And he agreed with everything I
said!  I was amazed.  I'd never found anybody in my whole life
who viewed life the way I did, acted the way I did, and believed
the things I believed.  I couldn't believe it.  I questioned him
at great length, looking for some point of contention, but I
couldn't find any.

'Maybe I'm muslim....' I said, half in amusement.

'That's possible,' he said, smiling.

'Where did you learn all of this?'

'All of what?' he asked.

'I know where I learned about life and about GOD, but where did
 you learn all this from?'

'It's in the Qur'an,' he said.

'Do you have a copy with you?' I asked.

'Sure,' he said, 'but you have to wash your hands, first.'

I did so, and handed me a copy of A. Yusuf Ali's translation.  
I opened it up to the first sura and read it.  Then I turned to 
the next.  My friend watched me for a while.

'What do you think?' he asked me.  'Do you want to borrow it for
a while?  You can, you know....'

'I'm muslim,' I replied.

'No, really, borrow it for a few days and take a look at it.'

'I don't need to,' I said.  'I'm muslim.'

There, in the book I held in my hands, was what I had been
studying for so long:  the Truth.  I had spent so many years
searching and searching through so many books, going over and
over the Scriptures in search of it, that when I saw it there in
front of my face, plain as day, I recognized it instantly.

I wanted to start my education as a muslim right there and then,
but my friend wouldn't hear of it.  He insisted that I take a few
days to study the Qur'an and then make the decision with a clear
head.  I humored him and waited two days, but the third day I was
there.  

'I'm absolutely certain,' I told him.  'Now what?'

It's been almost a year since I found out I was muslim.... :-)
My only regret is that it is now even harder to get Christians to
listen to me.

-Brother Abdul Qadir