HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: ***SPOILERS***
Date: 3 Jan 93 05:00:07 GMT
Organization: UB

Dear Anika:

	The following reacts to your poetry.

	Rape involves a Rapist and a Survivor.

	All Rapists are WEAK.

	ALL Survivors are STRONG.  (Thus the name, 'survivor.')

	Survivors are heroic figures, dealing with incredible odds,
holding together lives of more stress than untested people could ever take,
working positively to LIVE.

	Rapists are weak, degenerates eddies, mere footnotes to humanity,
sinking into the mire of their own dissipation, who will all vanish
without a trace individually.  Collectively, all rapists will be
vanquished in the end because they are spiritually WEAK. 

	Now, Anika, that poetry was strong stuff, in the way that chilled
Absolut is strong stuff.  It rattled my teeth.  You're obviously functioning
at high voltage just to be able to write it.  Remember, we survivors have 
the easy part -- we need merely live, which is natural, and our victory is
inevitable.  But living naturally, with honor, without rape, is hard, because
we have been raised in a sick society.  Fear not.  'Stand, gentlemen, or I'll
make a ghost of him that lets me!'

(:
Don Quixote
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: u8021006@cc.nctu.edu.tw (MORRIS)
Subject: test
Organization: National Chiao Tung University
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 20:37:55 GMT
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (ReachingOut)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Suicide songs that give me comfort 1
Date: 28 Dec 92 05:53:24 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Happy Rhodes
Rearmament


 I HAVE A HEART

   
   I have a heart inside
    She's begging me for suicide
     She doesn't want anymore
      She's lived too many lives before
 
       So what do I say to put her at ease?
       I know she'd leave with the breeze
       All I can do is beg her to stay
  
   Oh she is deceived every day
    Cheated and lied to in every way
     Why do you love weak little thing?
      You never could handle the hurting

       So what do I say to put her at ease?
       I know she'd leave with the breeze
       All I can do is beg her to stay

   I have a heart inside
    She's begging me for suicide
     She doesn't want anymore
      She's lived too many lives before
 
       So what do I say to put her at ease?
       I know she'd leave with a breeze
       All I can do is beg her to stay

   She is deceived every day
    Cheated and lied to in every way
     Why do you love weak little thing? 
      It never could handle the hurting

       So what do I say to put her at ease?
       I know she'd leave with a breeze
       All I can do is beg her
       All I can do is beg her
       All I can do is beg her to stay

(c)1986 Happy Rhodes

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Re: academic work
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 09:27:52 GMT

In article <1h14oaINNejc@flash.pax.tpa.com.au> anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au writes:
>we have this take home final exam.  It was due a couple days ago.  We tried
...
>if I didn't pass it would be getting suspended again which I could probably
>deal with.
...
>i don't know if I want to continue in school.  I seem to not be able to do
>school work.  every time I have tried to write a paper I get really upset and
>for me because I don't want to fail but I don't think I can do this.
...
>maybe my mom was right about if i took time
>off from school i would never go back.  maybe i'm just not ready to go back.

(I know I'm way late with this as far as the crisis you were in.  But,
it seems like some more ongoing stuff, too.)

So much of what you wrote reminded me of my first few attempts at college!
Those were *very* painful times for me.  Looking back, that was when I
went through my first "emergency" phases, etc., but no one knew what
to call it then.

Anyway, FWIW, the timing of all of this can be your choice.  Not the
school's, not your folk's, not what you think you *should* do.  It can
be what is right for you to do now.

I started at Berkeley, dropped out.  Re-entered Berkely.  Got kicked out.
Went to a JC & took up marine diesel mechanics for a while.  Then was
an apartment manager.  Finally went back and got my BS from a state
college.  Applied, and was accepted, for a PhD program, but decided
not to go.  I've still had a very successful career -- it's not a
"standard" career path, but hey -- I'm not a standard kind of guy
<grin>!

Moral?  There are a lot of ways to go about living your life.  The
"standard" timing isn't that important.  Living your life for *you*
is.

As Mark Twain (is reported to have) said: Schools are great, as long
as they don't get in the way of education!
-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (MelancholyChild)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Thank goddess it's over
Date: 1 Jan 93 10:08:14 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

1992 was a hazy, painful blur and I'm so glad it's over. 1993 is
starting out *very* badly, but maybe it's not an omen. Maybe.

 



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From: anon-1487@twwells.com (chinadoll)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: some babbling **Possible spoiler**
Date: 24 Dec 92 02:20:52 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

*****Possible Spoiler****

I am starting to read _The Courage to Heal_.  I don't know if I am strong
enough to make it through all of this, but if I don't I won't make it.
Is it worth it?  I have not started therapy yet, but I guess that is
the logical next step.  I am so frustrated and I feel very alone with
this issue.  I really don't want to face it.  I have to, but I don't
want to.

-Chinadoll



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From: anon-1331@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: happy holidays
Date: 25 Dec 92 05:18:14 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Hi,
It's been a while since I've posted to this group.  The last time I
checked it out; there was a flame war going on and I just couldn't take
it; so I stopped reading.  I also stopped because I am having financial
problems (still) and took a 2nd job.  Now it looks like I will be able
to slowly pull myself out of this mess I got myself into, but now I
don't have any time to do the healing work.  Funny thing started
happening to me; I actually think I've started to getting the sense that
I've been dreaming.  This is a big step for me because I've never, ever
remembered dreaming except for nightmares.  Now that it's break time, I
have about a week or 2 to rest a little, but I don't know what to do
when the semeter starts and I have to start working again.  I don't feel
like I have any time to be with myself; let alone be with friends who
can support my healing process.  Anybody have any ideas on how I can
manage all this timewise???
Phoenix



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From: anon-1357@twwells.com (Silver Tiger)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Canada stats and gun laws and everything
Date: 3 Jan 93 20:18:17 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

In reply to "E-shrugs(:"

It is nice to hear of an American who actually likes Canada, and doesn't
just think of us as the wimps who drink beer and eat backbacon (BTW,
I didn't even know what backbacon *looked* like until two years ago, and
beer makes me ill, so I guess I'll just have to eat a lot of maple
sugar or something to live up to being Canadian..:):):)

We may be kinder/gentler, but sexual abuse seems to be in a different category
than other violence types.  Don't get me wrong, sexual abuse can be violent
too, but there can be totally non-violent abuse, with no signs of its ever
happening.  (Such as in my case... I trusted my uncle completely.)  Nobody
in my town even *suspected* anything was wrong.  I wish sexual abuse had
a physical sign, even something as inane as making your hair turn green,
then rapists wouldn't be able to hide (but neither would the abused..but
then there would be evidence, and the abuser WOULD be found out, and maybe
nobody would abuse anymore...).  

As far as guns go, my father owns three, all registered and proper.. and
he is only a hunter.  Handguns are illegal, and I quite like that... if
I want to protect my home, I can use a rifle.  If nobody else has a handgun
on the street, who do I need to protect myself against?  Just carry mace.
There are very few muggings at gunpoint in my city, and I *like* it that way.
(Replies to this to email, please, we're getting off the asar topics!):)

Thank you, E-shrugs, for lightening up the group...

Silver Tiger
Recovering nicely from Christmas, thank you



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: more on cutting, a suggestion
Date: 2 Jan 1993 04:01:06 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: stein.u.washington.edu

anon-1259@twwells.com (Kate) writes:

[ digression deleted ]

>So I wanna know, what do i do now about all the scars on my arms and legs
>that everyone asks about.  Sheesh.  And i have marks on my wrists too that
>look like i tried to kill myself, but really they are just cutting.  I never
>tried suicide by slitting my wrists,still it looks that way.

well, you could try the alternative approach to shame: pride.  not pride in
having cut yourself, but pride in having survived the pain deep enough to make
you cause those scars.  wear them like merit badges.  you've been through the
horror, you've survived.  that to me is something to be very proud of.

i remember a girl who used to ride the same bus to campus as i did.  she had a
large scar right across her throat.  it must have been six inches long.  she
could have worn scarves, she could have worn turtlenecks, but she didn't.  she
wore normal cloths and let her scar show.  she had been through something
significant, and she had survived.  i admired her.  i was always curious as to
what had happened, because the scar didn't look like it could have been from
any surgery, but of course i never did...
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Re: tired still
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 20:17:21 GMT

In article <C02xvp.BzE@twwells.com> anon-1317@twwells.com writes:
>it is funny-- the guy that i told 
>about the child abuse hasn't talked to me
>since-- which is unusual--  i guess he just
>didn't want to hear about it.
>
>it seems that my telling him changed something-- he
>will probably advoid me now--but that doesn't make
>any difference- does it?

Yes, I think it *does* make a difference.  Certainly in that you've
lost (at least temporarily) a friend, and that is real sad.  I'm sorry
that happened.

But also, it had changed him.  He may still be in denial, but he's had
to change his life to stay there.  If people keep talking about sexual
abuse, eventually he'll have to isolate himself or open to the
posibility.  Yah, that's a long term scenario, and one filled with
some pain along the way.  For me, that's less pain than living in
denial.  *And*, it's the kind of action that can lead to more than my
own healing -- it can lead to fewer kids being abused now!
-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
From: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: to Sonia
Date: 22 Dec 1992 09:20:35 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


To Sonia, anon-1505@twwells.  

This is us peoples, angel & all, all of kendra...whatever.

You sent us mail & we tried to write back but it got rejected -- cause the
forwarding isn't on.  I think you need to send a message to twwells saying

ANON-Mail: yes

to get your mail/forwarding turned on.

-us peoples


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From: anon-1534@twwells.com (Suzanna)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: What people do in their lives
Date: 4 Jan 93 04:18:34 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

anon.95@pax.tpa.com.au writes:

   Welcome, Suzanna. You're perfectly free to post here, and no,
   you're not intruding at all.

Thank you; I wasn't sure, but the FAQ said it should be okay.

   Your question about "what people do in their lives" is one I've
   struggle with lately. I do not feel very comfortable being in a lot
   of social situations because I'm not interested in the most of the
   things other people are.

I am never entirely sure whether some of my trouble in relating with
people is because I have nothing interesting about me, or because I am
interested in things which other people aren't. At this work party
that I went to recently, I got into a conversation with someone. Since
I was interested in the subject, I did manage something more than
nodding. I talked more in an hour than I normally do in a week - but
after a while I noticed that he wasn't saying much, and wasn't really
very interested. So this interesting conversation turned into a
monologue, and I felt worse.

   I can't tell you that it's fine or not fine to spend most of your
   free time at home. I feel better emotionally when I can stay at
   home and sort things out, but it hurts my self-esteem if I can't
   relate to people well, so I'm working on that as well.

Yes; I have the problem that I've seen/read about normal people who
can adequately deal with social situations, and that is my only basis
of comparison, against which I don't measure up at all well.

Suzanna



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From: lmann@jjmhome.UUCP (Laurie Mann)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Surviving Holidays
Date: 27 Dec 92 14:26:39 GMT
Distribution: alt

When I was a kid, I was always so focused on Christmas that I got up
very early and was very wired for the whole day.  Expectations were a
major part of the day.

As an adult, while I'm not indifferent to Christmas, I try not to
expect too much.  My husband & I are not religious, so we don't have a
sense of religious expectations.  We have a tree, we sing carols, and
we buy presents.  Our daughter reminds me very much of me as a child,
as she gets VERY wired over the holidays.

I think the following line comes from 12-step groups---"Take what you need
and leave the rest."  I think it has real application for surviving the 
holidays.  If you want to be around your relatives, do it.  If you want to
be alone, do it.  Make your own choices, and try not to be too pressured
to do things you really don't want to do.
From: koepp@cc1.unt.edu (Cynthia Koepp - Computing Center)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: sexual abuse in other cultures
Date: 3 Jan 93 18:53:31 GMT
Organization: Computing Center, UNT

There is some information on this available in the Public Affairs 
Information Services (PAIS) indexes.  These would be available at any 
university library, because they cover public policy literature/law/social 
sciences.

Yeah, I am in library school.

Cynthia Koepp
koepp@cc1.unt.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: an3806@anon.penet.fi
Subject: molestor wants to help victim
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 22:27:45 GMT

I need some help.  A friend of mine who is in his late 20's was
molested periodically over a period of eight years by a guy he lived
with.  This ended two years ago.  He has just started talking about
this to me.

The thing that makes this post a little different from others I've
seen here is that I was the one who molested my friend.

I would like some net advise on how to help my friend but I guess
first some background is necessary.  We became close friends in
college and shared housing since then.  I was a very closeted
homosexual.  Sometimes (say a couple times a week) when I woke up in
the middle of the night and my friend was asleep, I would look at his
privates.  If his blankets covered him up I would try to touch him
there.  And I mean just touch, not fondle (not that it makes a
difference).  Like I said, this went on for almost eight years.  My
friend never said anything about this to me so I figured he never
knew.  As I closeted gay guy this was an outlet that I thought no one
would know about.  I found out later that my friend was sometimes
awake or woke up.

I asked him how he could still think of me as a friend and he says
it's because he does not associate those things I did with me.  I
think that's how I lived with it, too.  I didn't think of that person
as me.  I know that I could never have done these things if I was not
half-asleep or if I knew my friend was awake.  In the two years since
we moved apart I have "come out" as a gay person to myself, this
friend, and many others, and know this would never happen again
because I'm no longer a closet case.  I feel that if I had not been so
homophobic this would not have happened.

I know what I did was wrong and I've always been ashamed, but since my
friend started talking about it and how he can't get it out of his
head, I haven't been able to escape my feelings of guilt and shame.  I
feel like I've taken away not only 8 years of my friend's life, but
his future as well.  I am not able to live with myself and have been
thinking that it wouldn't be so bad if a car ran me over.  But that
wouldn't help any.  We are still (remarkably) very close friends.

How can I help him?  How can I teach him to trust again?  How can
he learn it can be safe to get close to people?

Please do not respond with "how could you do such a thing?" and "do
you kow what you've done?"  I just want to help my friend and give
him back a piece of what I took away.

Please respond to a.s.a.r. rather than to me. Thanks.


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From: anon-1448@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: relationships
Date: 4 Jan 93 05:15:28 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I would like to thank everyone who replied to my post about looking
for relationships.  Yes, I do think I agree with folks who said that
I should learn how to make myself happy first instead of looking for
someone to make me happy.  I guess that I just jumped the gun a
little; I was getting tired of being alone and at the time I saw
nothing wrong with working on my own issues and trying to find to
meet new people.
I do have a question for everyone, though.  Some time ago I wrote
about having money troubles.  I've been working on that; I found a
second job and am slowly resolving this problem.  However, this leads
me to have very little time for myself, especially for thinking
feeling, and working through abuse issues.  Working on these things
seems to have been "put on the back burner" while more immediate
needs of mine are addressed.  Before I started the second job, I had
started realizing that I do indeed have dreams (before that, I could
only remember nightmares).  Is it possible to temporarily stop
dealing with these issues, or does that mean just mean that I'm
setting myself up for some hard times later?
I appreciate any advice or help you can give me.
Phoenix



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