From: DAVIS@licra.dn.mu.oz.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #475-05
Date: 8 Sep 92 19:33:52 GMT
Organization: Ludwig Institute for Cancer Research

After much arm-twisting I reluctantly submit my answer to this question.  
This question was submitted twice, and I received it the first time for 
consideration of inclusion in the Oracularities.  I knocked it back that 
time because I didn't like the answer, and I gave some feedback to both 
parties.  One of the things I suggested was that it be resubmitted, and the 
published answer is the second one.  In my feedback I said that although I 
didn't like the original response, it was a hard one to answer.  The 
original Incarnation threw down the gauntlet and suggested I come up with 
an answer of my own, so here it is.  I wasn't going to publish it but the 
demand for alternative answers seems to be high, so "You Asked For It!"
I hope you like it.  If not, stiff!!

The question and my answer follows:

Ian Davis                         DAVIS@licr.dn.mu.oz.au
Oracular Priest.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Soon-To-Be-Roasted Priest has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> ######## ######## ####### ######    ####### ####### ### ####### ###
> NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL HEADER -- FEDERAL PENALTY FOR PRIVATE USE
> ######## ######## ####### ######    ####### ####### ### ####### ###
> 
> 20 August 1992       NSC E-Memo Seq K-IU787-E43-O    Washington, DC
> 
> FROM: Martin Shere, Associate Director of Defense Communications
>       mshere@argus.nsc.mil
> TO:   Oracularity Recipients (Incarnation, Oracular Priest)
> 
> Defense Department reconfiguration of iuvax (code name "moose") to
> provide secure basis for support of Gulf communications is complete.
> Phase II of project code name "Desert Oracle" is now underway.
> 
> Incarnation: Respond to attached question in the usual manner.  See
> following on penalties for noncompliance.
> 
> Priest: If this is the first NSC Supplication you have received, please
> read this explanation carefully.  NSC and CIA research having determined
> there are no Usenet feeds in Iraq, newsgroup rec.humor.oracle has been
> selected as the vehicle for encoded communications regarding imminent
> second stage of Desert Storm.  INSTRUCTIONS: Edit this Oracularity to
> remove NSC header, and send on to Oracularities Editor with notation
> "NSC Pass-Through".  SEND ON THIS QUESTION NO MATTER HOW FUNNY YOU JUDGE
> THE QUESTION AND RESPONSE TO BE.  ITS APPEARANCE IN REC.HUMOR.ORACLE IS
> CRUCIAL.  THIS IS *NOT* A JOKE.  Failure to comply may result in
> prosecution for violation of national security interests, with prison
> terms of up to 25 years.  Extradition and prosecution of foreign
> national Priests is provided for by terms of UN agreements on
> enforcement of Iraqi sanctions.
> 
> NSC PASS-THROUGH QUESTION FOLLOWS...
> 
> =======CUT HERE===============CUT HERE=============CUT HERE=======
> 
> o Top of all oracles, whose Secret knowledge surpasses that of any
> mortal, deign to answer my humble question with your unerring
> Information:
> 
> my brother and i were in the Desert last summer when an enormous dust
> Storm started up.  we see Two big clouds on the horizon and the sky
> Commences to growl like Sunday in a baptist church or like a Three
> Hundred horsepower GMT muscle car.  we ran With all our might but the
> Air filled with sand that started to Attack our eyes.  you would have
> thought we were On the sahara or in Bagdad or something.  it wouldn't

> Stop.  we couldn't even see the Ground, the dust was so Offensive!  i
> thought i'd give At least Nine Hundred Hours of free labor if the sand
> would Stop or pick some other Target.  so great oracle, what i want to
> know is, why are deserts Sodamn dusty, anyway?  For sure, it's Immediate
> Assassination to go there!  please answer right away even if you have to
> Stop whatever else you're doing!
> 
> your humble supplicant

And in response, thus spake the Priest:

} well, the original Plan drawn up for the desert Is far from Complete.  They
} Do Not include any provisions for shelter from dust, i Suspect.  much to Our
} amusement, however, we do get to watch the Infiltration of dust into your 
} clothing and bodily crevices.  Stop complaining, though - American deserts 
} are much better than others, where you wouldn't send your Dogs to play.  i 
} Almost split my sides watching the sand rain down on your Uncovered heads, 
} wouldn't have been funnier if i had thought to Plan it With this in mind.  
} well, nothing exceeds like Excess, as they say.  try to keep your complaints
} down, though, the Publicity Over it is not good for me.  otherwise it could 
} be Spelling disaster for you, make no Mistake.  But if you do keep quiet you 
} won't have any Security worries, your hide will be Intact, so Stop whining.  
} no sense in trying to Move To another state, however, that Plan is so stupid 
} i would grade it an "F"
}
} and to anyone else who tells me to stop whatever i'm doing, i say "Sodem!  
} get your own Housein order!"