From: ashish@quip.eecs.umich.edu (Ashish Mehra)
Subject: Re: Respect for women in India (was Re: More about India)
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 02:00:13 GMT

Hi friends,

I am one of the numerous silent readers of SCI and I have never posted on this
bboard before. So, if I make mistakes or offend anyone, please bear with me
and accept my apologies.

I have read some articles on this subject, including those by Uma and Prem,
and I have something to say about it myself. 

There is very little one can do about the generalizations one makes about
a community or about the opposite sex except to try and understand them in
the context of the experiences of the person making those _seeming_ 
generalizations and perhaps do something about it in our own daily lives. 
We go through many stages of experiences, both positive
and negative, that shape our opinions etc. But, in my opinion, it is a 
pathetic attitude to complain about the particular generalizations being
made without any regard to the cause of those generalizations or complaints,
or even the feelings of the person making those complaints. 

About treatment of women in the Indian society, I feel we ought to respect
what Uma says. She has faced the harassment, and so have many more Indian 
women. She decided to speak out, many do not even mention it to men. I will
not for once try to compare India with the US. I love my country and its
culture and people, but I would rather treat the issues at hand absolutely
instead of comparing with the US. On paper and on many occasions in practice,
our society has accorded deep respect to Indian women. The respect that
we have for our parents and the special attachment that we feel for our
mothers (at least I do) is an example of this sentiment. However, out
on the streets in many places in India the situation is disgusting. While
we respect our own mothers and sisters, the attitude towards other women
is inexcusable. If your sister has ever confided in you, you will know
very well that life for women in India is not easy. 

I will give you an example of the kind of harassment faced by women. 
This is a personal experience and only one of the many that I am aware of.
Once my sister and myself went to see a movie in town. It was an evening show
and we had to wait for some time before the show started. I was, for some
strange reason, very tensed up about my surroundings. There were many men
around, and almost all of them were staring at my sister. As the time of
the show started to draw near, more crowd gathered around. I started hearing
all kinds of obscene language and comments. Groups were using such obsceneties
while talking to each other, without regard to the fact that there were women
around. Some of the bold ones made direct remarks on my sister that made
me so angry and upset. And you know how my sister handled it? She told 
me that she faces this almost all the time and I should turn a deaf ear to
all this. There was not a trace of embarassment on her face and I could
not help but admire her poise. 

In another incident, my sister was harassed on many occassions by one
ardent fan in college, who followed her many times and made her and our
family pretty worried. This was one instance when we felt helpless and
very concerned about her well-being. 

Have you every thought that such incidents and much worse happens all the
time in many parts of India? How the victims deal with it is another story,
but turning a blind eye to this problem reflects very poorly on Indian men.
The least we can do is to listen to how women feel and what they have to say
about their experiences. This does not mean that we are the culprits, nor
does it mean that the problem will be solved just by lending patient ear.
If you feel so strongly that there are men and there are men, then show
it to the women you meet that you care and understand, that you can 
communicate with them and are willing to appreciate what they say.

Be it my own sister, or my cousins, I have seen this strange fear that
surrounds them. It is a shame that they have to put up with all kinds
of verbal and emotional harassment every day and yet keep silent about it.
I think they do not even bother to change the situation. It is very much
a part of life for them. 

Many more sad incidents come to mind, but I will stop here. I guess all I
want to say is that Indian men should at least try to understand the plight
of Indian women. Not everyone is a victim and not everyone is a culprit. 
Regardless of whether US treats Indian women well or not, or whether 
life is safer here than in India, isn't it necessary that we do something
about treatment of Indian women in India instead of telling each other
the relative merits and pitfalls of generalizations?

Ashish Mehra