From: jlien@kean.ucs.mun.ca
Subject: Re:Request: Blonde Jokes
Organization: Memorial University. St.John's Nfld, Canada
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 14:14:06 GMT

    Blonde jokes.. Okay.. Here we go..

                     The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes
                      --------------------------------
 
 1.  What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
     (Frosted Flakes)
 
 2.  What's the similarity between a blonde and a cow-patty?
     (The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.)
 
 3.  How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
     (Two, one to mix the batter and one to peel the smarties.)
 
 4.  What did the blonde name her pet Zebra?
     (Spot.)
 
5.  What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade?
     (Pull the pin and throw it back.)
 
 6.  Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
     (Because red means stop.)
 
 7.  This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the 
blonde
     said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out,
     I'll sink?"
 
 8.  What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
     (Gifted.)
 
 9.  What's the matting call of a blonde?
     (I'm *sooo* drunk)
     What's the matting call of a brunette?
     (Have the blondes left yet?)
     What's the matting call of a redhead?
     (Is there anything left?)
 
 10. What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair jet black?
     (Artificial intelligence)
 
11. Did you hear about the blonde who made a trip to Norway, got halfway
     there and turned back?
     (She found out that a 14" Viking was a TV)
 
 12. What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
     (Proofreading)
 
 13. Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
     (For throwing the W's)
 
 14. What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
     (Branch Manager)
 
 15. What is 6.9 to a blonde?
     (69 interrupted by a period)
 
 16. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
     (Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper)
 
 17. How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?
     (Tell her a joke on Friday)
 
 18. What is 74 to a blonde?
     (69 plus G.S.T.)
 
 19. A blonde and a brunette were walking down a path. The brunette said 
"Oh,
     look at the dead bird!" The blonde, looking up at the sky, said "Where
?"
 
 20. If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building who would hit the 
ground
     first?
     (The brunette of course ... she doesn't need directions)
 
 21. Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. printed on their shoes?
     (Toes Go In First)
 
 22. How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
     (By the lipstick on your cucumbers)
 
 23. How do you know which computer a blonde was using?
     (By the liquid paper on the screen)
 
 24. How do you light a blonde's eyes?
     (Stick a flashlight in her ear)
 
 
 
        Q:     How do you drown a blonde?
        A:     Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool.
 
        Q:     How does a blonde like her eggs?
        A:     Unfertilized.
 
        Q:     Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
        A:     It's too hard to re-train them.
 
        Q:     Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month
?
        A:     Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
 
        Q:     What's the Blonde's cheer?
        A:     " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
               I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea...
 
        Q:      Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
        A:      You can park in the handicap zone.
 
        Q:      Why is a blonde like a turtle?
        A:      They both get f*cked up when they're on their back.
 
        Q:      Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
        A:      It takes too long to retrain them.
 
        Q:      Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
        A:      (With a rocking of the head from side to side)
                I dunno!
 
        Q:      How do you kill a blonde?
        A:      Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
 
        Q:      Why don't blondes eat Jello?
        A:      They can't figure out how to get two cups of water
                into those little packages.
 
        Q:      Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
        A:      They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
 
        Q:      Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
        A:      Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
 
        Q:      Why do blondes wear underwear?
        A:      They make good ankle warmers.
 
        Q:      Why do Blondes like the GST? (Regional joke -- Goods
                and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
        A:      Because they can spell it.
 
        Q:      Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
        A:      Tits (teats for all the purists) go in first.
 
        Q:      What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
                attractive?
        A:      Her ankles.
 
        Q:      What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
        A:      "Have another beer."
 
        Q:      What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
        A:      An interpreter.
 
        Q:      What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
        A1:     Introduces themself.
        A2:     Walks home.
 
        Q:      What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
        A:      Opens the car door.
 
        Q:      What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
        A:      "Thanks for the refill!" 
 
        Q:      Why do blondes have more fun?
        A:      Because they don't know any better.
 
        Q:      What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
        A:      You only have to punch information into a computer once.
 
        Q:      What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
        A:      You don't know how much either of them mean to you until
                they go down on you.
 
        Q:      How does a blonde part their hair?
        A:      (Action of scissoring legs apart)
 
        Q:      What does a bleached blonde and a 747 have in common?
        A:      They both have a black box.
 
        Q:      Why do blondes like tilt steering?
        A:      More head room.
 
        Q:      Why don't blondes eat pickles?
        A:      Because they can't get their head in the jar.
 
        Q:      Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
        A:      Because you wash vegetables there!
 
        Q:      Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
        A:      To see what was on the other side.
 
        A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving
        the wrong way on a one-way street.
 
        Cop:     Do you know where you were going?
        Blonde:  No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
                 people were leaving.
 
        Q:      Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
        A:      Tits go in front.
 
        Q:      What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
        A:      (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
 
        Q:      How do blondes pierce their ears?
        A:      They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
 
        Q:      How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip 
cookies?
        A:      Five, one to make the batter and four to peel the smarties.
 
        Q:      What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
        A:      You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
 
        Q:      What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
        A:      They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
 
        Q:      How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
        A:      She threw it off a cliff.
 
        Q:      Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her 
jigsaw
                puzzle in only 6 months? 
        A:      Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
 
        Q:      What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
        A:      "Nice tits!"
 
        Q:      How does a blonde high-5?
        A:      She smacks herself in the forehead.
 
        Q:      Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
        A:      Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
 
        Q:      Why do blondes wear their hair up?
        A:      To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
 
        Q:      How do you brainwash a blonde?
        A:      Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
 
        Q:      What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
        A:      A dope ring.
 
        Q:      What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
        A:      Pull the pin and throw it back.
 
        Q:      How is a screen door and a blonde the same?
        A:      The more you bang it the looser it gets.
 
        Q.      What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
        A.      Not everyone has been in a 747.
 
        Q.      How does the blonde turn on the light after she has had sex
?
        A.      She opens the car door.
 
        Q.      What does a blonde say after she has had sex?
        A.      Are you guys all from the same team?
 
        Q:      Why does a blonde wear underwear?
        A:      To keep her ankles warm.
 
        Q:      What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
        A:      The Blonde!
 
        Q:      How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots
?
        A:      Flattered.
 
        Q:      What's the difference between a terrorist and a redhead? 
        A:      You can negotiate with a terrorist.
 
        Q:      What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
        A:      Bucket seats.
 
         Q:        Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
         A:        They can't dial the 11 in 9-1-1.
 
         Q:        What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever
                   been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
         A:        'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
 
         Q:        Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
         A:        *Who cares?*
 
         A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
 
                   Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
 
                   Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
 
                   Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
 
                   Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
 
         Q:        What do blondes do for foreplay?
         A:        Remove their underwear.
 
         Q:        What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate
                   before having sex?
         A:        Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
 
         Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
         them decides to call 911:
 
         Blonde:   We need help. We're three blondes changing
                             a light bulb.
         Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
         Blonde:             Yes.
         Operator: The power in the house in on?
         Blonde:             Of course.
         Operator: And the switch is on? 
         Blonde:             t that a 14" Viking was a TV)
 
 12. What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
     (Proofreading)
 
 13. Do en she gives birth?
         A:      Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
 
         Q:      What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
         A:      A wind tunnel.
 
         Q:      Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a
                 smart blonde are walking down the street when they
                 spot a $10 bill.  Who picks it up?
 
         A:      The dumb blonde.
 
                 why?
 
                 Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and the smart blonde are
                 all mythical creatures. 
 
        Q:       What do you call 1 blonde, and 3 brunette hookers walking 
down
                 the road?
        A:       Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks!
 

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