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Date:         Mon, 14 Sep 1992 17:23:00 EDT
From:         George McPherson <N567126@NCSUADM.ACS.NCSU.EDU>
Subject:      Re: Prof. Smith's Fiction
Comments: To: English Language Discussion Group <words-l@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>

As an employee of the D. H. Hill Library at North Carolina
State University, and as a resident of Raleigh, NC for all
the 22 years of my life and regular reader of the News and
Observer, I feel that I have the responsibility to inform
the readers of WORDS-L that much of what Professor Smith
has reported about his escapades in the library is pure-dee
fabrication.
.
There are, however, a few facts included in this ridiculous
story that are indeed true.  I know this because I witnessed
them myself over the past six months.
.
The truth consists of the following:
  1)  There was a transvestite matching the description of this
Franz, but he was observed not in the library, rather in the
McDonalds across the street from the library, where he was in
fact seen in the men's room with his skirt above his waist,
as Professor Smith reports.  Everything else about this rest-
room incident is merely lurid invention.
  2) As far as I know, this person dressed as a woman never
entered the library, but was, in fact, later found beaten and
mutilated in the vicinity of Sanford, NC.  The tatoo stuff is
made-up, obviously, and there is *no* professor anywhere who
would have come up with the "Ein Gebrokenhertz" interpretation of
the tatoo, which, if it had happened, *would* have happened on the
main drag of Fort Bragg, the largest military installation in the
world, therefore the heaviest concentration of tatoo parlors in
the world.
  3) Professor Smith regularly does not return his books, but we
merely send him notices and bills and then suspend his library
priviledges.  That *is* what we are here for.
  4) The letter informing him of the system of checking faculty
use of studies is historically accurate.  We *do* send these
letters.  That is what we *do*.
  5) The death of this misguided young man in high heels *was*
reported in the N & O, but *not* in USA TODAY.  The quote by
the chief of police is pure-dee fiction, needless to say.
  6) There is *no* Swedish archives at this library, and the
employee purported to be related to the Portuguese Ambassador is
a cruel hoax.  Equally cruel is the story about the staff assistant,
George.  I did not engage in any of the activities with which I am
charged.  I do not even visit the rest room in question, because I
have a key to the staff restroom.
  7) The _Technician_, which is a real newspaper on this campus,
does not publish daily, has no column entitled "Ask Terry Sue" and
has never reported a housekeeping staff strike, since there has
never been one.  Our Housekeeping Staff is quite content, and they
do *not* bother themselves with such ridiculous things as bathroom
behavior, nor has such behavior been a problem on this campus.
  8) There is *no* employee in the main office named Lulu, and it
is strictly forbidden to bring food into the library.  I know of
*no* employee who has the speech impediment described by Professor
Smith, and must assume that this detail is the product of what can
only be described as a twisted mind.
  9) The copy of Professor Smith's book, Juan Pablo Forner, has
been removed from the collection at the request of the former
department head.  Whether this book has been mutilated, as Professor
claims in one of his Gleanings posts, I cannot say, but it would not
surprise me one bit.
  10) Hopefully, I have done my part in clearing up any misunder-
standings concerning the way things are run in this library.
.
Thanking you for your time,
George McPherson, Special Staff Assistant
Circulation Desk, DHHL
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU