Newsgroups: alt.whine
Subject: The Great Chicago Flood III
Supersedes: <92106.190148U45301@uicvm.uic.edu>
Organization: University of Illinois at Chicago
Date: Wednesday, 15 Apr 1992 19:39:28 CDT
From: Mary Jacobs <U45301@uicvm.uic.edu>

In article <92106.124350U26703@uicvm.uic.edu>, Scott Graves
<U26703@uicvm.uic.edu> says:
>
>face it, the french toast would be too massive and cause the rest of the
>underground tunnels to collapse and I don't think the city could afford
>to pay what the caf is asking for their french toast, at least until that
>disaster relief fund comes in from the feds . . .

Well the Feds arrived today and the City is getting a 75% rebate on all
fees incurred in this disaster (she said as the thunder started to rumble
softly in the distance with the approaching storm front).  Soooo, Scott,
start bagging that toast and haul your *ss over to the Kinzie Bridge pronto!

>No, they just had to get the guys who do the record keeping at UIC to
>go down there.  They're used to it, everybody knows the financial records
>at UIC are kept in 40 feet of rushing water.

UIC is only a few blocks southwest of the effected area but it has missed
there--so far!

The divers are from Milwaukee and West Virginia.  This is child's play
for them as their REGULAR job is repairing radioactive leaks inside of
tunnels in nuclear reactors.  So the Chicago River and accompanying
toxic sludge is a cake walk.  However, the latest report was that the
whirlpool in the river has come back, indicating that the river is still
being sucked down the drain and into Marshall Fields' basement.

Also, if the water is "let out" too rapidly, it could suck out all the
underpinnings of the buildings and half of the walls.  There are also
dead fish in there that will decay and start giving off methane.  This is
in addition to the waste already in the river.  Maybe we will finally
learn something about environmental polution from this holy mess.

In any case, the pipes lowered to block off the coal tunnels have not
been finished and they don't know if it will work.  Until the leak is
stopped, no one can proceed to let out the water from the basements and
dnwo 250 feet to the Deep Tunnel, which may soon be full anyway since
it is going to start raining here in about 30 minutes.  We are in the
2" zone for tonight.

>Anybody else notice the uncanny recurrence of the number "40" in the
>flood stories?  Sounds like a biblical harbinger to me.

Yes, I agree--especially for Passover and Easter.  It may rain frogs
and locusts or something tonight.   Or maybe it is the beginning of the
"second coming" or something.

What did we dooooooooooooooo!  We're sooooooooooooooooorry!  Hooooonneeeeeest!
There have been reports of sidewalks collapsing and some buildings are
still filling up with more water, so there are indications that
the "plugs" at the coal tunnel are not working or that there are
new breaks in other places under the river that no one know about.

Of course there are no adequate maps of just *where* all the tunnels are.
There are no ways to find out where the other leaks are.  I think the
Army Corps of Engineers should build a massive dam across the entire
river and drain off the affected area.  We're in *really* deep sh*t here!
As they said in "Aliens,"  "Now what are we goooooooooooonna dooooooooooo?
Oh, boooooooooy.  This is greeeeeaaaaaaat!  We're reeeaaaaally screeeeeeewed
noooooooooooooooooooooow!"

Oops!  The red warning screens just came on The Weather Channel.
Severe storms are 30 miles out from the metro area--severe lightning,
55 mph winds, flooding rains, and hail.  Well we Chicagoans do
LOVE our water!!!!!!!   When my dog heads for the bathtub we know we're
in trouble. . . .

H
 E           o  o
   L          o
     P         o
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ G ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
                L
                 U
                  G
                        (Here lies Chicago--the "Soggy" City)
Hey!--Was that a *frog* I saw falling past my window?
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| Mary Jacobs            | This is MY view;  |"There is another alter-  |
| U45301@UICVM           |  not the view of  |native than to obtain the |
| U45301@uicvm.cc.uic.edu|     the " U "     |superfluities."--Thoreau  |
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