From: davids@hpsdde.sdd.hp.com (David Schwantner)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Our parents and spanking  Re: 20/20 and Spanking
Date: 6 Nov 1992 16:01:03 -0800
Organization: Hewlett Packard, San Diego Division
NNTP-Posting-Host: hpsdde.sdd.hp.com

In article <4570287@hpfcdc.fc.hp.com> janem@hpfcdc.fc.hp.com (Jane Marcus) writes:
>>So, if you were raised in a home where your parents spank, and they didn't
>>do so in an abusive manner, AND you oppose spanking, I'd sure like to hear
>>briefly why you do
>
>I was spanked upon occasion as a kid.  I respect and love my parents,
>and thank them for their efforts; they did the best job with parenting
>that they knew how.  However, I do not use my parents' method of 
>discipline on my children.  
>
>I would have to say that spanking and an authoritarian atmosphere in
>my own upbringing was counter-productive.  It sometimes made me fear
>my dad, the big authority figure.  I almost never talked with my dad
>about important things, and he only became a true friend to me later
>in life when I was able to relate to him as an adult.
>
>Another big reason why I don't use spanking is that I do not want
>my kids to think that anyone has power over their bodies.  Their bodies
>belong to them, not me.  I do not have absolute authority over their
>bodies just because I am their parent.  I feel very sure that my kids
>will not be a likely target for some sick authority figure out there
>(eg. teacher, clergy person, etc.) that would wish to abuse my kids.
>I have to set an example for my kids that all persons are deserving of
>respect and privacy.
>
Two very good points! Since I do believe that spanking has a place in
training children, I need to think about these two issues.

First, one of my greatest goals is to (even while I maintain my place as
my children's leader/authority while they are still children) keep a close
and open line of communication with my kids. The oldest is now only 26 months,
but very verbal and expressive, so I am starting now to try and talk to him 
as if (and because he is!) a person with feelings, thoughts and concerns. This
may sound obvious, but lets face it that most people don't talk to their kids
(or maybe even other adults:-() this way. I hope that they never fear me or
fear being honest with me. We want them to know that honesty will never be
punished, only rewarded (even if the reward is only mercy)!!

Second, it is sad that we live in an age when we have to especially be
concerned about child molestation. For us, the first thing we will do to 
protect them is to shelter them (I can see the responses to this flying now:-)).
We believe that it is the responsibility of the parents to shelter the child
from any influence we don't want them to be hurt by. This means that we
won't be putting them in public school, we don't let them be watched, or even
spend time at the houses of, people that we are not very close to, we don't own
a TV, etc... You are probably saying, "what does a TV have to do with it?".
Well, no matter how disciplined we try to be about letting our kids watch only
certain things, the graphic images of sex and violence will eventually get to 
them. (If you really avoid this 100%, congrats, but think about it first and
tell yourself the truth). A very basic psychological rule is that repeated
exposure to something tends to numb us to it. (but all of this is off of the
point, so what's new??). Anyway, I really need to think about how we can still
teach our children the sacred nature of their own bodies, and yet convey to them
that there are certain consequences to their actions; one of which is the 
discomfort of a spanking. 

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Newsgroups: misc.kids