HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: slb3y@cc.usu.edu (Unterhund)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Sam Kinison is Dead. :(
Date: 13 Apr 92 11:26:24 MDT
Organization: United Order of Non-joiners

In article <1992Apr11.232037.1587@merrimack.edu>, yetmank@merrimack.edu writes:

For all those who haven't heard, comedy lost one of it's best recently when Sam
> Kinison was killed.
> 
> And who'll ever forget the babe in his video of "Wild Thing"?
> 
     Certainly not Jim Bakker.

ObJoke:  Some people will need the above comment explained to them.
-- 
Patrick S. Clark            | "Got to pay your dues
Internet:  slb3y@cc.usu.edu |  If you want to sing the blues
Bitnet:    slb3y@usu        |  And you know it don't come easy."       
Disclaimer:  Ringo Starr's song.  I claim the unattributed stuff.  
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: tadg@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Tad Gralewski)
Subject: Re: Steven Wright Jokes...add on!!
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 21:41:16 GMT

Just thought of some more:

The other day a cop pulled me over for speeding.  He Said, "Why were you
going that fast??" "I had my foot to the floor...it sends more gas to the
carburator....makes the engine run faster...and the car just takes off....
and you see this (motioning to steering wheel)..this Turns it..."

Snakes have no arms, that's why they don't wear vests....

On the other hand, you have different fingers.....

What's another Word for Thesaurus.....


tadg@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Tad Gralewski) writes:

>rubel0455@iscsvax.uni.edu writes:

>>Steven Wright jokes...add your favorites:)
>How about:

>I have the world's largest Seashell collection...i have them scattered on
>beaches all over the world.

>I'm learning how to play the harmonica...but i cant blow through it
>fast enough...so i have to get in my car and hold it out the window.

>Nice night for an evening, huh?

>I put another engine in my car, exept I forgot to take the other one out...
>now I can go nine-hundred miles per hour...the harmonica sounds amazing....

>Every once and a while, I like to go over to the window, look up, and
>smile for a Satelite picture.....

>The other day i mistook my Garage door opener for the TV Remote.  The
>screen opened and there were little rakes and hoes hanging on the wall...
>> 
>> "i have a circular driveway...i can't get out..."
>> "i went to a general store...couldn't get anything specific."

>> 
>> I went to a restaurant that had a sign that said "Breakfast Any Time."
>>  I ordered pancakes in the Rennaisance.

>>I have a box of instant water at home...problem is I dont know what to add..

>>When shooting a mime should you use a silencer?

>>The other day I went to unlock the door to my house and I accidentally used my
>>car key and started up my house...so I drove it around for awhile

>>I parked it in the middle of the highway and yelled at everyone to get out of
>>my driveway...

>>A cop pulled me over and asked where I lived...I said right here...

>>XENO

>-- 
>Tad Gralewski  --UIUC	   | "There's a Fine Line Between
>tadg@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu      |  Fishing and just Standing on
>Microcomputer Consultant   |  the Shore like an Idoit..."
>Student Instructor         |    --Stephen Wright
-- 
Tad Gralewski  --UIUC	   | "There's a Fine Line Between
tadg@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu      |  Fishing and just Standing on
Microcomputer Consultant   |  the Shore like an Idoit..."
Student Instructor         |    --Stephen Wright
From: gtr0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (GLEN TORLEIF RYEN)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Yet Another License Plate
Date: 10 Apr 92 14:12:54 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

>   Riding the bus back from the University, I glanced down at the
> cars next to the bus and saw a cherry-red Jaguar XJ-S V12 with a
> california license plate that read
>
>      967 GIRL
       ^^^
>
>   With a, you guessed it, beautiful blonde driving.  I kid you not!
> One in a million, I tell ya!
>
You mean 976-GIRL.  967 is the beginning of all the phone numbers in my home
town!  Sorry I don't know offhand whose house you'd get....
From: andra@cs.widener.edu (Robert Andracsek)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: First thing let's do...
Date: 8 Apr 1992 20:19:15 -0400
Organization: Widener University CS Department, Chester PA
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: maggie.cs.widener.edu

In Southeastern PA (near philly) there's an ad going showing amounts
won in different types of cases.  They also include two figures for
'falls'.  How can someone collect money off of a fall?

'Help!  I've fallen, and I can't get up!  How much do I get?'

R. Andracsek
From: 00mjdecaroli@bsu-ucs.uucp
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: joke
Date: 5 Apr 92 03:32:45 GMT





    How do you make a distinguished Italian wine?


    A: Sideswipe his Ferrari.
From: kloetzak@milton.u.washington.edu (Albert Speer)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Pranks
Date: 16 Apr 92 05:50:31 GMT
Organization: University of Washington, Seattle

deeply indebted to you.  Please post or email me at kloetzak@milton.u.washington.edu.


Thank you

Michael A. Stuijt

kloetzak@milton.u.washington.edu
.
:w
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mtf39190@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Michael T Freeman)
Subject: Re: Sam Kinnison
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 13:08:53 GMT

kurts@hpnmdla.sr.hp.com (Kurt Strain) writes:

>There's one silver lining about the death of Sam Kinnison:  Now we don't 
>have to listen to him anymore

 	I'll second that. . . ! 
-- 
						Michael Freeman
						mtf39190@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: skydiver@dispates.u.washington.edu (People have real lives?)
Subject: Re: Churchill quotes wanted
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 11:57:57 GMT

In article <1992Apr5.071810.1371@pellns.alleg.edu> dudleyr@.alleg.edu (GRUB)  
writes:
> In article <bogus.702076414@milton> bogus@milton.u.washington.edu (Young and  
Wealthy) writes:
> > Could some one post a good complete quotes by Winston Churchill?
> > Thanks.
> > -- 
> > If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of
> > arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the
> > physical world.  One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker
> > entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.
[a few quotes removed]

Winston Churchill was once asked, "How many people work at the U.N.?"
To which he replied, "About half."

-Cohort
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: cep@msddnext (Charles E Peasley)
Subject: Re: Funny Abbreviations/ Acronyms for Cars...?!?!?!?
Organization: The Aerospace Corporation; El Segundo, CA
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 21:53:08 GMT

In article <1992Apr4.053423.25754@usenet.ins.cwru.edu> rich@rogdq.cwru.edu  
(Rich Kolacinski) writes:
> In article <1992Mar20.175939.15755@en.ecn.purdue.edu>, kho@en.ecn.purdue.edu  
(Ping Phing Kho) writes:
> |> I heard this from a friend of mine who doesn't like his Ford:
> |> 
> |> 	FORD = Fixed Or Repaired Daily
> |> 
> |> Anybody.... has anymore cute stuff like that?
> |> Please e-mail them to me (or better... POST IT!!!!)
> |> 
>  
> How about;
> 
> 	FORD = Fucking On Road Disaster
> 	GMC = Garage Man's Companion
Xref: sparky rec.humor:16497 aus.jokes:557
From: jrh28614@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (CatStyle )
Subject: Re: Sam Kinison's last words
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 18:07:24 GMT

In article <1992Apr11.160531.25908@fcom.cc.utah.edu> knechod@stacc.med.utah.edu (Kevin Nechodom) writes:
>My apologations to anyone offended by my lack of sensitivity.  I
>really got a kick out of the guy.
>
>What were Sam Kinison's last words, right before his fatal car crash?
>
>"AAHH!!  AAHH!  AAAAHHHH-H-H-H-H!!!!"
>
I like the prophetic, "I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own
blood!" - Sam Kinison in "Wild Thing"

CatStyle
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: nadeema@woods.ulowell.edu
Subject: Religious Tests
Organization: University of Lowell
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 18:33:33 GMT

Once upon a time in a land far away, there were 10 young men anxious to
become priests of the land.  The current head priest came to them and gave
them clerical tests of great difficulty.  Each of these young men passed
every test given to them, until the priest finally said..."Now is the time
for the ultimate test..."  He took the ten men to a special room at the
temple and told them all to disrobe.  The men turned and looked at the
head priest with awe.  Disrobe?!?  "Yes.  All of you must disrobe."  
So each of the men pulled off their attire and dropped it on the floor in
front of them.  Ten nude men stood in front of the head priest.  The head
priest then pulled out of his pocket 10 little bells with a string attached
to each.  He gave each of the priests-to-be a bell.  "Tie this bell to your
penis." WHAT!!?? was the reply from the men.  "You heard me, do it now!"
"Yes, O great one." Finally, each of the men tied a bell securely to their
sexual organs.  The head priest then stood in one corner of the room and
opened a secret door in the back of the room.  Out of the door came forth
a most beautiful and voluptuous woman.  A woman who made men drool.  The
woman stood nude in front of the first man in the row of clerical candidates
and danced.  The first man did nothing.  The woman moved over to the second
man and did the same, the man did nothing.  Doing this for each of the men,
she continued until she reached the last man in the row.  She again danced.
Suddenly, there was a small sound from the bell...ting-a-ling-a-ling.  The
woman went out through the secret door.  The head priest stepped forward and
said, "I am happy to say most of you passed the test, however, one of you
have failed."  He pointed to the last in line and said, "I'm sorry, you have
failed."  The last one in line just turned towards the head priest and begged
him, "Oh, please great one, let me try that once more..I've practiced so much
for it!"  The head priest, feeling very sympathetic, opened the secret door
and let in the beautiful woman once more.  Again, each of the men did not 
respond except the last with a little ting-a-ling-a-ling.  The woman then left
the room.  The head priest then said, "I am sorry, you cannot hold the post of
a priest" to the last in line.  The candidate felt very disappointed and
reached down to pick up his robe.  All of a sudden there was heard 9 little
bells going ting-a-ling-a-ling.
From: finley0768@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: :) :) :) :) ;)
Date: 11 Apr 92 11:20:31 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

To the individual who requested all the :-)s... If there were the differences
between the lists and you have some time could you post it for the rest of
us... I'm on the network alot and I like to spice up the mail that I send as I
am sure a lot of other net users do...
                                    Thanks!!!
oO:-)*** (Santa Clause)
Annmarie @>---^----
From: frank@rover.uchicago.edu (Frank - Hardware Hacker - Borger)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Army songs
Date: 7 Apr 92 13:27:00 GMT
Reply-To: frank@rover.uchicago.edu
Organization: Joint Center for Radiation Therapy
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Apr7.050448.28606@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>, pankaj@coos.dartmouth.edu (Pankaj K. Dugar) writes...

	I remember Poul Anderson quoting a verse in one of his novels...

	Of maggots in the rations, we hardly ever lack,
	you bite into a sandwich, and the sandwich bites right back.
	The coffee is the finest kind of Sacramento mud, 
	the catsup's good in combat tho, for simulating blood.

+---_      Frank R. Borger - Physicist     Internet:  Frank@rover.uchicago.edu
|__|_)  Michael Reese  - Univ. of Chicago  Phone : 312-791-8075 fax : 567-7455
|  | \ _  Center for Radiation Therapy
|     |_)   2929 South Ellis Avenue        Bachelor; A man who never made the
      |_)   Chicago, Illinois 60616        same mistake once! 
Organization: Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: Mon,  6 Apr 1992 21:56:58 -0400 
From: Rahul Verma <rv0s+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: tounge twisters
Distribution: na

Excerpts from netnews.rec.humor: 6-Apr-92 Re: tounge twisters by Annie
Franusich@porkchop 
> One smart fellow, he felt smart, two smart fellows, they both felt smart,  
> three smart fellows, they all felt smart.
Three men in a boat were feeling happy.
Happy got up and walked away.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember that anywhere you go, well, there you are!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Secretary of the CMU Computer Club.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
From: saavik@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Marla Belzowski (K-9's))
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Bitch
Date: 13 Apr 92 21:25:22 GMT
Article-I.D.: mentor.45224
Organization: Purdue University

In article <703094350.F00007@cloud.pub.uu.oz.au> hamish@cloud.pub.uu.oz.au (Hamish Moffatt) writes:
>
>     Some day a lover or  male colleague will ask you, perhaps quite publicly
>at the office, perhaps privately in the boudoir, why you're being such a
>bitch. You'Il need to have some responses ready.
>
...........
> * Origin: Cloud Nine, Melbourne, Australia. cloud.pub.uu.oz.au (3:635/552)


Seeing how I'm an avid dog-show exhibitor, I've heard almost every
way "bitch" can humanly be used.  My usual answer's to anyone calling
me that (in a derogatory manner) are:

#1:  GRRRRR!!! WOOF! WOOF!  -- Not get out of my face before I bite your
      ass off!
 
#2:  Yeah!  I'm attack trained too!

#3:  Mauii (my tittled collie) would be glad to hear that.

Also:  In a positive way, bitch is used at dog-shows to denote the
highest winning female dog.

Winner's Bitch...

Everyone with a female dog at a show seeks that award for the CHAMPIONSHIP
points.
   
Cute shirts too:

Winner's Bitch!  (a brag for a winning female dog)
And losers do too.

Saavik 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bond@jupiter.sun.csd.unb.ca (GIRISH)
Subject: Re: hmmmm
Organization: University of New Brunswick
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 14:04:23 GMT


Sorry guys, I made a mistake in my last response. So, correcting it again.


In article <1992Apr6.193453.23066@venice.sedd.trw.com> gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com (Larry Gilmore) writes:
>In article <rgfuller.702055138@unix2.tcd.ie> rgfuller@unix2.tcd.ie (Rupert Fulle
>r) writes:
>
>>>>>>>>>a
>>>>>>>>by                                                                 
>>>>>>>cat                                                                 
>>>>>>duke                                                                 
>>>>>eagle                                                                 
>>>>fellow                                                                 
jocularity

Girish.

====================================================================
| Girish Bonde,               |  Voice: (506) 450-6019 (R)         |
| Department of Civil Engg,   |         (506) 453-4558 (O)         |
| University of New Brunswick,|    Fax: (506) 453-3568 (O)         |
| Fredericton, N.B.           | Bitnet: bond@unbmvs1.bitnet        |
| E3B 5A3, CANADA.            | Usenet: bond@jupiter.sun.csd.unb.ca|
====================================================================
From: widyono@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Dan Widyono)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: hmmm
Date: 7 Apr 92 15:07:52 GMT
Reply-To: widyono@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Dan Widyono)
Organization: UPenn of Phila, PA: BioEngineering Dept.

[Another line bites the dust, WOOF!]

>antidisestablishmentarianism.  <--- note the period.  essential.
yeahsoimissedthepointsowhat?    <--- note the ?. essential.
zoosareforbabiesgonetothedump   <--- note no punctuation.  essential.

and then anti blah blah blah, plus an extra period.  essential.

So is it over yet???
sheesh.
<sigh>  ::--))  omigod, i need sleep.  :-)  that's better
--
Daniel Widyono					BE PreMed UPenn, Philly, PA
Chord On Blues, Penn Band (Cornet 2)		widyono@eniac.seas.upenn.edu
Would you call my name, if I saw you in heaven?  I must be strong and carry on,
for I know I don't belong... here in heaven.		-Eric Clapton
From: moursund@hpcvnb.CV.HP.COM (David_Moursund)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: sore loser
Date: 13 Apr 92 20:51:28 GMT
Article-I.D.: hpcvnb.22200053
Organization: Hewlett-Packard Co., Corvallis, Oregon


Thank you, thank you so very much...
I was, in fact, the incarnation who answered this question.
(Actually, I didn't think my answer was *that* funny...
Whatever creams your twinkie, I guess... =)

dm
Xref: sparky rec.humor:16291 alt.fan.monty-python:2861
From: maxwell@lamar.ColoState.EDU (Mark Story)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.fan.monty-python
Subject: Re: Does anybody have the script to "The Argument Clinic" ?
Date: 13 Apr 92 06:33:22 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Colorado State University, Fort Collins, CO  80523

In article <Pyw3iB2w164w@arghouse.UUCP> jbreen@arghouse.UUCP (Magnum) writes:
>dougger@bluemoon.rn.com (Doug Stevenson) writes:
>
>> dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew Korth) writes:
>> 
>> > In <1992Apr08.060333.45618@yuma.acns.colostate.edu> maxwell@lamar.ColoState
>> > 
>> > >In article <dragon.702618622@camelot> dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew 
>> > >>In <1992Apr06.051634.41805@yuma.acns.colostate.edu> maxwell@lamar.ColoSta
>> > >>
>> > >>>In article <1992Apr6.010309.10819@nic.unh.edu> ss1@kepler.unh.edu (The R
>> > >>>>>>>I've told you once...
>> > >>>>>> No, you haven't.
>> > >>>>>Yes I have.
>> > >>>>No, I haven't.
>> > >>>This isn't an argument, it's just contradiction!
>> > >>No it isn't.
>> > >You just contradicted me!
>> > No I didn't!
>> This is futile!
>but verrrry interestink
No, I am afraid that it is quite boring.
From: fitch@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Denny Johnston
Date: 15 Apr 92 20:44:34 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

One of my all-time favorites, as told my Denny Johnston on a Showtime Laff-Off
competition in the early '80s (he won and I never heard of him again) ...

        Did ya hear about the lady who went fishing with six guys?
        
        She came back with a big red snapper.
From: mcs4041@zeus.tamu.edu (SHARAT SHEKHAR)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: NEWSFLASH : POPEYE CARTOONS VIOLATE CLAUSIUS INEQUALITY
Keywords: POPEYE, ENTROPY,THERMODYNAMICS, CLASIUS INEQUALITY
Date: 16 Apr 92 08:31:00 GMT
Organization: Texas A&M University, Academic Computing Services
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41


    I have long since contended that several events depicted in the immensely
popular ( not to mention jejune) Popeye cartoons are in serious violation
of the principles of thermodynamics. 
    Consider for example the situation where Bluto bashes up Popeye and hurls 
him against a wall whereupon Popeye is transformed into several skittles. Now,
this itself is a highly improbable event. What is even more ridiculous is 
the subsequent transformation of the skittles back to Popeye.
This process would actually call for a reduction of entropy and is a gross
violation of the Clausius inequality.
    I think it is in the public interest (and certainly an investment in the 
hopes for better assimilation of science amongst school children) to launch a
protest against the gross negligence of the creators of "Popeye" for their 
perpetration of such fallacies. ( I grew up thinking coffee would get warmer
with time if left alone.)
===============================================================================
!! Sharat "Flogger-F" Shekhar.      !!                                       !!
!! Distinguished Professor          !!   "Not only is there no God, but try  !!
!! of Canine Psycopathology         !!   getting a plumber on weekends"      !!
!! Tayxis Ain'M Univ                !!              - Woody Allen            !!
!! Cawlij Styshn, TX                !!                                       !!
===============================================================================


Xref: sparky rec.humor:15982 alt.fan.monty-python:2639
From: maxwell@lamar.ColoState.EDU (Mark Story)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.fan.monty-python
Subject: Re: Does anybody have the script to "The Argument Clinic" ?
Date: 8 Apr 92 17:39:23 GMT
Organization: Colorado State University, Fort Collins, CO  80523

In article <dragon.702745649@camelot> dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew Korth) writes:
>>In article <dragon.702618622@camelot> dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew Korth) writes:
>>>In <1992Apr06.051634.41805@yuma.acns.colostate.edu> maxwell@lamar.ColoState.EDU (Mark Story) writes:
>>>
>>>>In article <1992Apr6.010309.10819@nic.unh.edu> ss1@kepler.unh.edu (The Rink) writes:
>>>>>>>>I've told you once...
>>>>>>> No, you haven't.
>>>>>>Yes I have.
>>>>>No, I haven't.
>>>>This isn't an argument, it's just contradiction!
>>>No it isn't.
>>You just contradicted me!
>No I didn't!
You just did!
From: skydiver@dispates.u.washington.edu (People have real lives?)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: "Make like a..."
Date: 14 Apr 92 12:56:52 GMT
Organization: University of Washington

>>>>>>>>Make like the wind and blow.
>>>>>>>Make like a tree and leave.
>>>>>>>Make like a fetus and head out.
>>>>>>>I'm off like a dirty shirt.
>>>>>>I'm off like a prom dress.
>>>>>Make like a banana and split.
>>>>>Make a hockey player and get the puck outta here.
>>>>Make like a drum and beat it.
no, Make like Michael Jackson and beat it.

>>>Make like horse shit and hit the trail.
>>Make like a bird a flock off.
>Make like a baby, and head on out
I'm off like a light switch.

-Cohort
From: 00kncramer@bsu-ucs.uucp
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Sam Kinison is Dead. :(
Date: 17 Apr 92 03:39:47 GMT

Parts from:
In article <1992Apr11.232037.1587@merrimack.edu>, yetmank@merrimack.edu writes:
 
>> He also once appeared on "Married with Children"...
To me, that is the greatest guest appearence on a great show.
 
>> And who'll ever forget the babe in his video of "Wild Thing"?
Um....sounds to me like you have. Her name is Jessica Hawn. She was a close
friend of his.
 
>> Oh well...somebody will have to replace him, but who could be as crazy as
>> Sam? 
Let's see.... There's Robin Williams, Bob Nelson, and a few others.

This reply wasn't posted as a flame, but to merely correct a few things and a
opinion or two.

RIP Sam Kinison. *sigh*

Kevin "Stimpy" Cramer
albundy@bsu-cs.bsu.edu
00kncramer@bsu-ucs.bsu.edu
00KNCRAMER@BSUVAX1.BITNET
From: bcox@eng.auburn.edu (Burke D. Cox)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: MORE HELEN KELLER JOKES
Date: 15 Apr 92 06:54:04 GMT
Organization: Auburn University Engineering


Why can't Hellen Keller have kids?

.
.
.
.
.

She's dead.
--
"If they'd cremated that son-of-a-bitch, I'd be kicking that Bandit's ass
 around the moon right now." - Sheriff Buford T. Justice

bcox@eng.auburn.edu				Burke Cox
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ss1@kepler.unh.edu (The Rink)
Subject: Re: Does anybody have the script to "The Argument Clinic" ?
Keywords: argue....
Organization: Turkey Hall
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 01:08:50 GMT

>>>>>>>>I've told you once...
>>>>>>>No, you haven't.
>>>>>>Yes I have.
>>>>>No, I haven't.
>>>>I have!!
>>>Yes, I have.
>>No, I have.
>No, I haven't.
You have NOT!!
-- 
Samuel Stoddard, the Weapons Master          | MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL!!
ss1@kepler.unh.edu / s_stoddard@unhh.unh.edu | JESUS IS LORD!!  HALLELUJAH!!!!!
-------------------------+-------------------+---------------+-----------------
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.  |  Send me email, whoever you are!  |  Disclaimer.
-------------------------+-------------------------+---------+-----------------
"The weather for catching fish is that weather,    | Hi!  I'm a .sig virus!
and no other, in which fish are caught." W.H.Blake | Copy me into your .sig!
From: william.bbs@cybernet.cse.fau.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Helen Keller Jokes
Date: 9 Apr 92 18:15:14 GMT
Article-I.D.: cybernet.487yiB2w164w
Organization: Florida Atlantic University, Boca Raton

> How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?
> A #1: Rearrange the furniture.
> A #2: Put Saran Wrap on the toliet. 
 
Don't forget... #3: door knobs on the walls
                 4: plunger in toilet
                 5: stomp on braille cards w/golf shoes
Xref: sparky rec.humor:16523 eunet.jokes:1114 aus.jokes:559