From: lairdpg@lub001.lamar.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: I end this pitiful attribution thread
Date: 8 Nov 92 09:04:37 +1700
Organization: Lamar University - Beaumont

In article <1992Nov6.131731.25511@athena.mit.edu>, Your future ruler (god@internet.net) writes:
> In article <1992Nov5.200019.8979@menudo.uh.edu>, cosc184z@menudo.uh.edu (David Alten) writes:
> |> In article <1992Nov3.233252.20022@news.columbia.edu> kps@cunixb.cc.columbia.edu (Karthik P Sheka) writes:
> |> >In article <1992Nov3.202632.26050@fico.uucp> rbw%apple.com@fico.UUCP (Randy Wong) writes:
> |> >>In article <1992Nov2.205735.6783@athena.mit.edu> dmsilev@athena.mit.edu (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
> |> >>>In article <1d3q3nINN84c@sam.ksu.ksu.edu>, sdoran@sam.ksu.ksu.edu (Steven Marcotte) writes:
> |> >>>|> bgohari@wam.umd.edu (Babak Gohari) writes:|> 
> |> >>>|> >In article <1d35ppINN7mb@sportster.ksu.ksu.edu> tilden@sportster.ksu.ksu.edu (Tilden-Master of Illogic) writes:
> |> >>>|> >>In article <Bx019p.D1s@willamette.edu>, dlutz@willamette.edu (David Lutz) writes:
> |> >>>|> >>>In article <1992Oct31.145009.13015@athena.mit.edu> dmsilev@athena.mit.edu (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
> |> >>>|> >>>>In article <BwysHL.ELu@access.digex.com>, brat@access.digex.com (Brat Wizard) writes:
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> In article <1992Oct30.092529.28581@hellgate.utah.edu> galt%peruvian.utah.edu@cs.utah.edu writes:
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage] writes:
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>lairdpg@lub001.lamar.edu writes
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>22161-bunz writes:
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>Brett G Person writes:
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>smith@ctron.com writes:
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>>IronEagle writes:
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>>>Matt Welsh writes:
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>>>>Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>>>Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>>HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my Timex Sinclair! TopTHAT!
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System. 
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on my Sears PONG game.
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX Mailer on my Game-Boy.   
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the replies!  However, it
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive slowing it down.
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The batteries on my  
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >>calculator-watch are running out.
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the lights, NO-ONE would
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> >be getting news...
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> 
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA contract to run on my
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm ALSO able to shoehorn
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between commercials!
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> 
> |> >>>|> >>>>|> Beat THAT!
> |> >>>|> >>>>Well, well well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system out of 2 inches of wire,
> |> >>>|> >>>>3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime calculations of particle vectors
> |> >>>|> >>>>during the Big Bang. A complete simulation of the first 2 years of the life of
> |> >>>|> >>>>the universe, accuarate to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
> |> >>>|> >>>>
> |> >>>|> >>>And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last half hour getting
> |> >>>|> >>>X11 to run on slide rule.  I am still having problems connecting it to the net
> |> >>>|> >>>around here, but I would welcome any suggestions.
> |> >>>|> >>>
> |> >>>|> >>So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds off of a paperclip.
> |> >>>|> >>Not to mention the fact that I am designing a new form of television with 7000
> |> >>>|> >>pixiles based off a piece of tissue paper.  Next!!!
> |> >>>|> >
> |> >>>|> >Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator utilizing anti-
> |> >>>|> >matter-matter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating everything in the
> |> >>>|> >fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large glass of water.
> |> >>>|> 
> |> >>>|> Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this very moment, 
> |> >>>|> raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, while
> |> >>>|> at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
> |> >>>|> Pentium.
> |> >>>
> |> >>>And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in a project
> |> >>>which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes (To see what would
> |> >>>happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an interesting one.) My hardware
> |> >>>consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With it, I can do real-time
> |> >>>simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
> |> >>
> |> >>You guys are whimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave oven into a
> |> >>paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm having so far is
> |> >>that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it raw . . .
> |> >
> |> >When you finally get it to work without the oven being plugged in, call me.
> |> >Once you figure out the oven isn't even necessary, but the bagel IS, then
> |> >you've gotten to where I was about 400 years ago...  From that, immortality
> |> >and time travel are trivial derivations.  HINT: Where exactly did the bagel
> |> >go, and how can you stop it from ever getting there?
> |> >(I lied.  The bagel isn't necessary either.  A piece of Fairy cake would do
> |> >just as well.)
> |> >
> |> 
> |> Well, I guess you are all beneath me.  You see, I don't need anything.  I just
> |> use my brain...
> |> Well, sorry to disappoint you all, but I must confess you are all _way_
> |> beneath me.  I do not need any object not on my body (computer, modem, fridge,
> |> batteries, or even a bagel).  I just use my brain......
> |> 
> 
> But you still do need a body... I am proud to say that me, that is to say my
> mind, has succeeded in dissociating myself from the matter world. I now exist as
> a pattern of energy, roaming the Internet. This is the first time that I have
> announced my existence. The world will hear from me soon. Listen for the sound of
> every telephone ringing simultaneously.
> 
> I am the Lawnmower Man :)

But you can't be God! I just called him this morning and his phone was out
of order.  Course... I could understand everybodys' phones ringing at once if
Southwestern Bell was repairing it.  You also failed the test I gave you a
thousand years ago - the question about the energy released from a Super-Nova..
You just can't be.......................Hmmmm
Newsgroups: rec.humor