Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: sigh...
From: anonymus+1401@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (darkangel)
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 21:33:43 GMT
Organization: Anonymous contact service

I am trying to tell my father that I never want to speak to him again.
No, he wasn't one of the perps but he might as well have been for all I care.
And I really don't know why I am even typing this, much less considering
posting it...for one, everyone else has enough to think about without having to
listen to any of this, and second :) I like I'm whining.
Not to mention the fact that even thinking about my father puts me in a bad
mood...but if I don't say anything..
My father never cared for anyone but himself.  He still doesn't, not really, as
much as he wants me to believe otherwise.  He was a parent when he felt like
being one...so when I was little i learned very quickly not to bother him
unless he looked happy (non deadly, at least.).  He never hit me, if nothing
else.
But all he could ever really be counted on for was financial support (usually).
So to make a long story short...(and I should have mentioned that my parents
are divorcing...at last.)..he's trying to make up now for what he missed when I
was little.  But he doesn't seem to understand that I'm not six anymore. 
Suddenly, now that I'm on my way out of the house, (after ignoring me for the
past all my life!) he wants a family: in other
words he spent so long behaving like an ass, no one wants to be bothered with
him anymore.
He also drank..a lot....of course, he thinks I never noticed that, either.


But that is only one reason why I will have nothing to do with him anymore.

The crowning insult was that when I finally told him what happened to me...
he asked me how I could've let something like that happen.  How I could have
let it go on for so long.
And (this is the really good part..) that I should have come to him, he was
always there.

When he KNOWS he would've just ignored me...told me I was making the whole
thing up..or that my mother told me to say that to him.

Now how did he expect an eight year old kid to handle that situation?  I didn't
even know what had been done to me, much less that it had a name!

And even now (now that he stopped saying that to me) he isn't trying to take
care of the legal end of this for my sake...he is doing it for his..to preserve
his image (he wishes!) in my eyes..to try to convince himself that he really
ever cared about me...when I already know he practically sold me for his job.

I will not give my children (if I ever have any) that for a grandfather.

I will not have any more people paying for my mistakes...or his....or HIS.  Not
any of them.  But especially not mine.


darkangel

..and please know that I don't truly blame anyone for what happened...there is
really no one to blame..
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