From: gude@uniwa.uwa.edu.au (David J W Emrich)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
Subject: Re: Flirting (was Re: Nice Guys?)
Date: 8 Oct 1992 20:27:06 +0800
Organization: The University of Westrn Australia
NNTP-Posting-Host: uniwa.uwa.edu.au

"Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz" <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:

>Excerpts from netnews.alt.sex: 6-Oct-92 Re: Nice Guys? by Stewart
>Tansley@bnr.co.u 
>> >Since when does "flirting" make a girl a "slut"?
>>  
>> It makes a woman seem like a (mild) slut to me -- especially if I happen to
>> like/love her at the time.

>Question. If your wife is flirting with you, are you going to see her as
>a mild slut? You're the only one she flirts with. You'd still see her as
>a mild slut? I'm not sure I understand why you think this way. (I don't
>know whether you have a wife or not. If not, then it's hypothetical.)

>> Some of us just don't like (sometimes) women who flirt, that's all. We may 
>> be Bad People, 

>I don't think you're 'Bad People'. I'd like to know what brought you to
>this conclusion. 

>> I especially dislike the occasional woman who flirts with me when I 
>> fancy them like crazy & they are just playing games. Bad news city.

>Isn't playing games different from flirting? I always thought so. Is there
>the possibility that some of the women who've flirted with you in the 
>past didn't know that you fancied them so much?

>I am often oblivious to flirting, others and my own. It wasn't until 
>people pointed out the 'actions' that they perceived as flirting that
>I was able to evaluate what flirting was and tone it down on my part.
>Are you sure the women who were flirting with you all knew what they
>were doing? I know this sounds kind of dumb, but some people really do
>not know what actions of theirs are perceived as flirting.

>ag

Well, here is some new light on the subject of flirting, this should be
interesting.  Firstly, however, it is VERY important not to mix up
"flirting" with "having a fling".  They are two very different things.

Flirting, at least as I see it, is an adult way of "game
playing" that involves quite complex body language, and should only be
"consciously" undertaken by people who know what they are doing,
otherwise, they might end up getting (emotionally, if not physically)
hurt.  Most teenage romantic upsets happen because some or all of the
participants are unaware of what is happening, and are (more than
likely) unknowingly either the victims or perpetrators of flirting.

Flirting, if done properly, and in the right envoironment, can be lots
and lots of fun, and quite harmless.  It can also be quite boosting to
one's ego, especially if the flirter is goood looking.  Also, you don't
necessarily have to be the one flirting, perhaps I better explain.

I have a girlfriend, OK so we are nearly married, it is that special.
When we go out together, especially "on the town" we like to dress up
and "show off".  It's great fun walking around all the night spots in
town, and being around all the other people doing just what we are.  We
both like to flirt a bit, with each other, and with others.  It doesn't
mean my girlfriend is a "slut" in fact far from it.  Nor does it mean
that I am not very much in love with her, and just looking for someone
else.  Quite the opposite, when we flirt, we have so much fun, (and so
too do the people we flirt with!), that we feel even closer.

Flirting can be as simple as just a quick sideways glance at someone,
just until you catch their eye, and then quickly looking somewhere
else, or it can be as much as almost "staring" someone down across a
crowded shopping mall or restaurant, or bar or nightclub or whatever.

If someone flirts with my girl, it gives me a great feeling to know that
other people think she's "a bit of alright", and it's not just me being
besotted by her!  Especially if he is a good looking guy, and even more
if he is with his own girl.  The same works for her.  We both talk about
our "exploits" lots, and compare notes, and it makes us apreciate each
other even more, when we realise how much we do love each other, that we
can do things like this and not be insanely jealous.

You might wonder "what happens if people get the wrong idea, and want to
make more of it than just a flirt!".  Well, firstly, the places where we
go are mostly frequented by mature adults, most of whom are couples, and
we all know what we are doing.  If there is someone there who takes it
the wrong way, and starts making advances on either my girl or myself,
then it is a simple matter to just turn around and walk away, before
anyone gets hurt.

I hope this has been an informative, albeit personal, expose of
"flirtatious" behaviour, and how it can be quite harmful, and even
beneficial, if it is undertaken carefully.


[dav]    aka
David Emrich
gude@uniwa.uwa.edu.au
Newsgroups: alt.romance