From: bhoughto@hopi.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: 25 ways to cope with stree
Keywords: chuckle, heard it
Date: 7 Apr 92 16:15:23 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp, Chandler, AZ

Stolen blatantly from that unfunny Templeton rat
in rec.humor.funny.only.to.me:

In article <S3c3.45c5@looking.on.ca> elparr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Ellen Louise Parr) writes:
>I thought you might appreciate this...
>                   25 Ways to Cope With Stress.
>
>1.  Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out.  See how
>    many you can do at a time.

Do we know this woman?

>2.  Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.

BTDT.  (Actually, I used my Mastercard to pay the closing
costs on my house, but it's the same thing...)

>3.  Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

BTDT.

>4.  When someone says "have a nice day", tell tehm you have other plans.

I reserve the right to reply "fuck you and the horse you rode
in on" for such occasions (which reminds me; I need some boots).

>5.  Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

Around here, it's called a "weekly status report," and it's
a list of things to do that you claim have already done.

>6.  Dance naked in front of your pets.

They don't deserve it.  The cockroach just takes me for granted,
and I haven't seen the scorpion since his last drinking binge.
How about if I dance naked on Oprah, instead?

>7.  Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to pre-school as
>    if nothing is wrong.

I don't think they'll fit me, but I'll try.

>8.  Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.

And Soviet accounting methods.

>9.  Tape pictures of you boss on watermelons and launch them from high 
>    places.

Letterman's BTDT.

>10.  Leaf through "National Geographic"  and draw underwear on the natives.

BTDT.  Construction paper and paste.  It was very
therapeutic.

>11.  Tattoo "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.

I have "Hungry-Man Dinner" on my glans.

>12.  Go shopping.  Buy everything.  Sweat in it.  Return it the next day.

Went to Home Depot; bought two pressure fittings.  Bolted them
onto copper pipe.  Forgot the teflon tape for the connection
to the fittings on the plastic tube.  Stripped them trying
to stop them from leaking.  Returned them the next day.  "They
just don't work."  My ice maker stares at me blankly.

>13.  Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly"  and send it to your boss's wife.

They've been sending me sample copies in the mail for
years, but now that the Supreme Court says it's okay,
I'm going to subscribe.

>14.  Pay your electric bill in pennies.

They'd have to reopen the Placer Dome.

>15.  Drive to work in reverse.

Ride to work on the T, standing backwards the entire way,
but not because you want to, at least 200 times a year.

>16.  Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

I have a .gif of a baby in a blender you can have...

>17.  Tell you boss to "blow it out your mule"  and let him figure it out.

He'd know.  He's from Idaho.

>18.  Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.

Sort of how this followup feels.

>19. Polish your car with earwax.

Sakrete.

>20.  REad the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
                                                                     ,
Read the WSJ in the dark and look for marginal cartoons by Sergio Aragones.

>21.  Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

In 1979, I said "Ronald Reagan will be the next president of the
United States."  It's haunted me ever since.

>22.  Braid the hairs in each nostril.

Pick your teeth in public.

>23.  Write a short story using alphabet soup.

Write a Usenet posting using alphabet soup.  See if the
nntp server will accept it.

>24.  Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.

The converse.

>25.  Make a language up and ask people for directions in it.

Portrait of the Net as an Angry Young BBS.

>Bonus :  Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and put it back
>         in the wrapper.

Then eat it.

>Author unknown.

Author Gawdfree.

				--Blair
				  "I miss my sub to Groo, the Wanderer."
From: whoami@hostname (The Gummi-Christ)
Date: Tuesday, 7 Apr 1992 16:48:30 EST
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: teRMcaP
Summary:   A flock of quail covered the land, and the next morning there
X-Summary: were small cakes on the ground covered with dew.
Keywords: and the Lord gave them shit to eat -- READ THE BOOK
References: <1992Apr6.130334.11324@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu> <1992Apr7.020843.17616@cs.rose-hulman.edu>