From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Subject: =4= Planet of the Usenet Winter Olympics
Followup-To: rec.humor
Summary: A world where metaphors collide and sanity has no meaning
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 07:26:36 GMT

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   ////     The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
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/    \/  \/    |-----|    \ /     .\/ /   .    \/    \         \/
      \        |     |     \      |-------|                    /
               |     |            |  CFV  |
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                 \ announce |
        "Oops!"   \results  |
                 o \__---'''|
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                            S L A L O M

                  The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics

Peter Arnett:
>Welcome back to USPN's coverage of the Usenet Winter Olympics!
>Today's broadcast of the Slalom event includes interviews with
>past medal-winners in this thrilling event, including last year's
>rookie sensation from sci.virtual-worlds.apps.  But first, let's
>take a look at the history of this unusual sport, which began...


                                  *

Rich:
>I don't understand it!  News.groups should be *demanding* a way to
>enforce the Guidelines by now, some way to handle errant sysadmins
>and create a more orderly net -- but there's NOTHING!  In fact,
>there are suggestions popping up everywhere to make the Guidelines
>*easier* to read and use!

Gene:
>They don't realize the consequences of simplifying the Guidelines:
>The less intimidating the Guidelines, the more newsgroups created.
>And the more newsgroups created, the more Usenet descends into the
>lawless anarchy it is swiftly becoming.  I don't know where you
>found this "Dave Hayes" character -- he's very convincing, by the
>way -- but so far your plan appears to be backfiring.

Rich:
>We need more time!  I'll tell Dave to propose a new RFD, one that
>conflicts with the original, and deliberately forces the issue...

Gene:
>You'd better hurry.  The Cabal is losing patience.  If your plan
>fails -- YOUR plan, which the Cabal has put considerable time and
>effort into backing -- I don't need to spell out the consequences.

Rich:
>I'll do everything I can.  There must be something...


                                  *

Peter:
>--next competitor is Mansoor A. Jaffery, from soc.religion.islam.
>It looks like Mansoor is having a little trouble as he makes it
>around the second turn...

Mansoor:
>Post to groups:  news.announce.newgroups, news.groups,
>                 soc.religion.islam, soc.culture.*
>Subject:         That's not the CFV!  *This* is the CFV!
>Reply-To:        /dev/null

[...rumble...]

Peter:
>Mansoor's started an avalanche of angry postings!  It's --

[Peter is buried under several thousand tons of snow.  After a few
moments, the camera returns to USPN studios.]

Bryant:
>Thanks for that exciting update, Peter!  USPN's coverage of the
>Usenet Winter Olympics will continue right after these messages.
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