From: nsridhar@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Natarajan Sridhar)
Subject: Yetanudder conundrum ... pun oriented !
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 18:01:09 GMT

Hiya folks !

Here's another skullbuster. This one's dedicated to the souls that
came up with really goofy solutions to the zirkel puzzle. Unlike
its precedent, this koan-on-drum (TM: Sthan) does not purport
to have anything to do with a mathematical solution ...  

NB: Resemblances to any person living/dead/semi-comatose is strictly
    coincidental.

********************* The Tale of Benny ***************************

A long time ago, in a galaxy oh so near, there was a town called
Veerasthan. In a time of indentures, feudal lords, and serfs, one
could see men and women sacrificing body and soul to eke out a meagre
sustenance.

Benjamin Ramdas was one such individual, but his plight was 
an inheritance. His great-grandfather, who was blotto most of the time,
just did not realize where he was placing his inked thumb, and woke up
the next morning to realize that he had betrothed all his future 
generations to the whip of a feudal overlord.

Now, Benny (as he was affectionately called) albeit a calloused laborer,
was also a poet, a muse. He always dreamt the impossible dream for any
serf: complete freedom. And being a deeply religious man, he was 
convinced that the only way to realize his ambitions was to propitiate 
Lord Shiva.

One day, upon seeing his wife and their myriad kids squabble over a 
slice of garlic bread, something snapped inside Benny. He realized that
it was time. Bidding fond farewells to his family, he set out for the 
distant mounts of Himalaya, and started his penance.

Benny was a very devout devotee. Brushing aside all human needs such
as food, water, shower/shave/sh.., et al, he concentrated his entire 
being on Shiva. Days went by. Ants built hills around him. Sparrows 
played soccer on him :-) Pigeons used him for target practice. 
His hair grew and grew. Such was the fire of his penance, that it 
threatened to asphyxiate the very universe.

The gods in the high heavens whispered to themselves, "What ho !" 
Although their emotions ranged from admiration to petty jealousy, 
a common feeling of terror gripped them. Fear that the three worlds 
would be consumed by Benny's efforts. Clutching their langotis, they
ran to Mt. Kailash, and fell at Shiva's feet. Opening the right set 
of eyes, the Lord enquired the reason for their behavior. Upon hearing
their entreaties, Shiva decided to do the right thing and appeared 
before Benny. The dialog went thus:

Shiva:  Yo, fuzzball ! Wake up !
Benny:  Wha ? Wha ? Oh, Hi ! 
Shiva:  Is this for here or to go ?
Benny:  To go, sir ..
Shiva:  OK, what will you have ?
Benny:  Total Freedom.
Shiva:  I'm sorry, we seem to have run out of that. Would you like to
        have Unlimited Wealth instead ?
Benny:  Sure.
Shiva:  That'll be $4.23.
Benny:  But I don't have any money !
Shiva:  (very pained) OK, then promise me you'll never shave.
Benny:  Right-ho !
Shiva:  If you ever shave, I'll open my 3rd eye and reduce you to a
        pot of ashes. Well, ciao !
Benny:  Pip-pip !

Needless to say, Benny went back to Veerasthan a happy man.

The first thing he did was to buy his freedom. He followed it up 
in rapid succession by releasing his wife, their children, and all 
the coming generations. As the wealth kept pouring from the heavens,
Benny rose on the social ladder. He was the toast of the town. He 
dined with princes, and rubbed elbows with emperors (strange fetish !).
His sons wooed and married wealthy socialites, while handsome kings 
serenaded his daughters. Benny was a happy, hairy man.

But Benny's wife was a woman of dubious reputation. Although initially
impressed, she was now thoroughly disgusted with her hirsute hubby.
Her plan was to murder Benny, and make whoopi with the local washerman. 
She didn't worry about the loss of income. She had hoarded enough to 
last her a lifetime. All she wanted was a sure-fire method of bumping 
Benny off. And then it struck her : Shiva's clause ! 

So one night, in the manner of Delilah, she borrowed a pair of pruning
shears, and cut through the fungus on Benny's face. Lo and Behold !
A scorching ray from nor'-by-nor'west reduced Benny to a pot of ashes.

WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THIS STORY ?????

*********************************************************************
Although there is one really appropriate answer, I'll be happy to
make a top10 list and post it on SCI (if as many people respond :) 

This story was not intended to denigrate any deity. So keep those 
flamethrowers holstered :)
*********************************************************************

**sridhar**