From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Anon Posting: Response to Ed
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 00:40:14 GMT

sbecker@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu wrote:

: Embarrassment/shame is only *one* reason why a survivor might choose to
: post anonymously.  For those of us who were victims of childhood sexual
: abuse, our patterns of acting-out and our weak boundaries make us very
: subceptible to future abuse.  One way to protect ourselves from being
: preyed upon by perps and sickos who read this group is to post anonymously.

I understand and agree - I didn't say that embarassment or shame was the
*only* reason a person would want to post anon.

: Also, although we may not personally feel ashamed of our survivor status,
: we may be in a position in which that information, if revealed, could hurt
: us--professional reputation for instance,since others not educated on sexual
: abuse might view us as "impaired"--or our families, if we haven't
: revealed the abuse to them, etcetera.

Whether or not you choose to reveal that is *your* personal decision.

: Since your abuse occurred as an adult within an SO relationship, your
: lack of shame/embarrassment and your decision to post using your own
: name makes sense--makes sense *for you*.  Assuming that all others who
: use anonymous handles are shame-bound or embarrassed is an overgeneralization
: which isn't particularly sensitive to the various types of abuse we suffer
: and their after effects in our lives.

You are making an unwarranted assumption that *I* was making an assumption,
an assumption that isn't true.  Again, that's not what I said.  If you read
that into my message, that wasn't what I meant.  Sorry that you misread it.

: for you <or anyone else> to tell us what's right  or what's best based on
: some arbitrary standard or rational principle.  Being told what we "ought to
: do" is pretty codependent, controlling behavior. . .and in the end it does
: no one much good.
: 

The world is full of "shoulds" - Your parents think you should visit more
often, your dentist thinks you should brush twice a day and floss, etc.
No one is telling you what you should do.

: rather setting up your choice as the correct, standard behavior we should all
: follow, or would follow if we weren't too "embarrassed."  Sticking to
: experience is a much more empowering mode, at least IMO, and it doesn't
: minimize or invalidate the choices we make.


I wasn't setting up *my* choice as the correct choice or standard choice.

: No real flame intended here, BTW, Ed, more of a "correction."  The "being told 
: what to do thing" just pushes my buttons. I hope you aren't offended.

You read something into my post that wasn't there.

BTW, on a related topic, I went to a communications seminar this last week.
One of the interesting things about the seminar was that the lack of
clear communication between a sender and receiver is likely to be caused by
not just the sender's lack of clarity, but the receiver's preconceptions and
biases, reading things into messages that weren't put there by the sender.
People had been trying to push the idea that if there's a lack of clear
communication, then it's the responsibility of the sender.  It was refreshing
to see that a group of professionals was not sticking to this "party line".
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler