From: dy@depsych.Gwinnett.COM (Dr. Yes)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Organizations vrs. Bars
Date: 12 Sep 92 12:46:44 GMT

Josh (Spidey) Diamond writes:

>As for detail, there is none.  I didn't go and do some specific thing
>to create a relationship.  If you think that there is some formula, or
>set of magic operations which will give you a relationship, then you
>are crazy.
>
>Basically the idea is to go out there in the world and love people
>unconditionally -- to be a contribution to those around you.  If you
>keep giving like this, eventually someone is gonna get that you care
>about them.  That kind of mutual giving is what forms any kind of
>relationship -- be in platonic, or romantic.

But you _are_ suggesting a procedure or mechanism or formula --
some kind of unconditional helpfulness or courtesy or something.
Could you give a little more detail.  (Yes, I know it takes time
and effort to type out an article. I've always considered
gratuitous requests for additional information of questionable
legitimacy, especially if the information is already obviously in
the public domain.  But it is _you_ who are doing whatever it is
you are doing, so I can't know it if you don't write it out and
put it on the net.)

DY:
> I never see the same person in two different organizations so it
> never rolls over into any kind of a network.

JD:
>So what?  You don't have relationships with networks!  You have
>relationships with individual human beings.  Also, you are not
>interested in a relationship with an organization.  The organization
>is merely a context in which it may be easier to create a relationship
>with an individual.

One of the usual advantages cited for organizations is that they
lead to networks of friends that overlap and introduce yet other
people into your orbit.  That hasn't been my experience.  I think
it's a valid question whether or not it generally happens.

DY:
> What organizations have you joined and how did you move inside
> them to make them work for you?

JD:
>Why not get involved in something thats just fun?  Or something that
>you believe in which is important to you?  Something not related to
>work or study in any way.  A few days ago in response to the
>"Desperation" thread I wrote:
>
> Some examples:
> 
>     Amature theatre/music groups.
>     Wine tasting classes (a friend of mine had great success here).
>     Intramural sports, sports clubs (fencing was great for me).
>     Any type of classes outside your degree program.
>     Local hiking club chapters (e.g. Sierra Club, Apalachian Trail Club). 

These are also specific and interesting.  My doctor tells me to
drink red wind.  I had been thinking of drinking it in singles
bars.  Maybe a wine tasting class or club might be fun.  I also
think I might look into that fencing idea.  My doctor also tells
me to work out and I'm getting tired or crunches and lunges.
They're about as much fun as cleaning your apartment.  I've been
looking around for a physical activity that would be intrinsically
interesting and have some social value as well. (My doctor also
tells me that I'm not in good enough shape for bench aerobics,
which is the big coed sport around here.)

See, you have supplied some specifics.  How about some more?

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