From: liz@gvlf9-j.gvl.unisys.com (Liz Loquacious [Bradley])
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Another gem!  (on changing and being authentic)
Date: 9 Apr 92 15:47:34 GMT
Article-I.D.: gvl.1992Apr9.154734.25684
Followup-To: soc.singles
Organization: Unisys Defense Systems, Great Valley Labs, Paoli, Pa

In article <1992Apr7.200359.26452@walter.bellcore.com> nobody writes:
>In article <1992Apr6.061629.11656@kakwa.ucs.ualberta.ca> userisra@mts.ucs.ualberta.ca (Mark Israel) writes:
>>
>>   Another gem!  *This* is type of posting I'd like to see more of.
>
>Yes, most men like a posting from a woman. Let there be more of it.
>Do men ever post gems on the net? I suppose not, as long as men are
>picking them. But Liz, don't let Mark's comments make you want to change
>into writing only such posts. It wouldn't be the real you.
>

True, I've got that wild side too you know....and that's so much fun!
But thanks Mark for the compliment!

>
>I don't think she really showed you how to attain world peace and inner peace 
>and fill the hole in the ozone layer at the same time. The obvious truth that 

Course not, that I charge for. :-)

>she mentioned is about making a change because one wants to. And a change being 
>"real and authentic" because of it even if the "real you" is a chameleon. 
>Surely, there is something more to it than changing because one is convinced 
>of its value and causes it to happen? It all depends on who you think you 
>are, doesn't it? The original question is still whether an innner resistance 
>to a particular change can be part of a "real you" or could one rationalize by 
>thinking up an internal motivation - the delusion that the change will
>show more of my real self, because one is going to do it on his/her own terms.
>
>If you said one has to make compromises in any change to satisfy both the 
>self and the world, I'd agree. A resistance to make certain compromises is
>as much "real you" as the willingness to make certain compromises. But I
>agree with the spirit of the post that complaining about the effectiveness
>of one's choice of compromises (or the lack of it) is not constructive even
>though it might be the "real you".

I'm not sure what you're getting at here regarding delusions but I think
inner resistances are conflicts between what we really feel and the
messages we've internalized from the parenting we've received, society's
traditions or rules, and other things learned.  Often we let those messages 
prevent us from even knowing all of a "real us" and never mind expressing
it.  It's true that we have to compromise in order to satisfy society,
for example, I'd love to read soc.singles all day but I have a responsibility
to get some work done here and spend time with my little guy, etc.  But
then again I want to spend time with the little guy anyway :-).  The
changes I have been making have had a major effect on my ability to be
real but I haven't felt as though it conflicted with the real world.  The
conflict I had to overcome was internal.  But I don't think there's 
anything wrong with not "fitting in" with society as long as we're not
crossing the bounds of legality here and the rights of others.  

Back to getting loquacious about my dating mis-adventures!

--
Liz Loquacious
liz@gvl.unisys.com