From: smithrud@advtech.uswest.com (Gary Smithrud)
Subject: Re: 30-ish penpals
Organization: U S WEST Advanced Technologies
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 22:31:43 GMT



In article <C0q32p.G8r@ccu.umanitoba.ca> you write:
>jocha@math.ohio-state.edu (Marianne S. Jocha) writes:
>
>
>>Female in her early 30s is looking for e-mail pals of about the same
>>age.  Interested in talking about most subjects but not including
>>computers - bad enough I have to work with them all day!  :-)
>
>I find this funny, what age has to do with being a friend?
>Talk to me, I am phd student in Canada from Germany.
>I like sports( Tennis) and definitely the outdoor of canada
>even in Winter.
>

For a lot of people, age is irrelevant when it comes to making
friends.  However, I didn't find it strange that she decided to
state an age preference.  I'm 27 and I correspond with a small
number of people on a regular basis, ranging in age from 14-45.
While we don't overlook what we have to share with one another
as friends, it has been with the penpals closest to my own age
(around +/- 5 years difference) that I have found the most in
common with (especially when writing about life experiences).
You tend to identify with each other a little more closely--
probably have experienced some of the same things (possibilities:
finished/trying to finish college, full-time employment,
marriages (have/wanting to), families (have/wanting one someday
soon), economic issues (job market, property purchases) etc.).
Sharing some of those things or all of those things does seem to
give you a lot more to write about to one another at times, in
addition to all the other topics that are far from being age-related.

I tend to share quite a bit about my life in my correspondence,
but I find that my younger penpals (ages 14-21) don't seem
to share as much.  I don't know if it's because they feel
that telling me about their classes, parents, friends, or
things of that nature, would bore me or what.  I'm always
thrilled to hear from them and I converse with them on almost
all their chosen topics, but in my experience of exchanging
e-mail and having net penpals for a few years now, I have
found that those farthest from my age (particularly the younger
end) shared so much less in their writing and in some cases,
weren't seriously interested in maintaining a penpal
correspondence for more than just a couple of weeks.

All you can do is give it try.  Myself, I prefer not to place
an age limit on my net friendships because all ages have
something to share with one another and my life has been
enriched by everyone who has chosen to share something about
themselves with me, but I can also understand why someone
might _want_ to list an age preference.  As much as I've gained
from those who have written over the last couple of years,
I have also watched too many of my younger penpals skip out
of the scene, often with no explanation.  After putting so
much effort into working on an electronic friendship, it's
disappointing to see some of them end that way.  It may not
happen all the time, but I've noticed that sometimes it really
does take some sort of common "links" to keep those penpal
friendships with the large age differences from fading quickly.

A believer in long-lasting friendships,

Cari  (smithrud@ucsu.colorado.edu)


Newsgroups: soc.penpals