From: dxf12@po.CWRU.Edu (Douglas Fowler)
Subject: Re: Teaching Superstition     was God's Family Values
Reply-To: dxf12@po.CWRU.Edu (Douglas Fowler)
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Date: Sun, 30 Aug 92 20:21:18 GMT


In a previous article, ald@clipper.ingr.com (Al Date) says:

>
>I am very interested in the long term effects of teaching superstitions
>to young children.  Superstitions are not confined to religious 
>indoctrination, of course, but that is the area in which they seem to 
>find the most common expression in this culture.
>
>For example, when I was growing up, I "learned" that angels were 
>watching me to make sure that I was always good, and that God
>would hold me accountable in some future judgment day for 
>everything I did.
>
>I distinctly remember a kind of gnawing guilt and fear associated with
>this belief, and related nightmares.
>
     I think it's bad to make a child be this afraid so early in life - 4-5
years or younger - but this isn't the same as just teaching that God is a
loving God, who watches over all of us and makes sure everything comes out
right in the end.  This is the way we have been taught in our family, and
it has not resulted in nightmares.
     Note that this doesn't mean that we teach children that all prayers are
answered.  A comic strip a while back put it best: A mother was telling her
3YO that: "God answers all prayers, but sometimes the BEST answer is 'No'."

>An atheistic mother I know is convinced that teaching superstition
>to children really messes up their brains.  She sees it as akin to
>training them to ignore the evidence of their own senses, with
>far-reaching consequences in adulthood.  I know from personal
>experience that most people who are raised as Catholics usually "believe 
>in God" no matter how far they may stray from the Church.  
>
>What is a parent to do?

     Please, no flames if I get too preachy, but I am a Christian and I don't
know how to say what I am about to without affirming my belief.
     There is a difference between superstition and what I see as religion.
If you are a true believer in God, in my view, you must have a *personal*
relationship with Him.  This means that we love others with an eye toward
trying to become like Him, but with the knowledge that we need Him because
we are not perfect.  Superstition, in my mind, is when you feel you have to
repeat everything exactly when praying, for instance, or refrain from opening
umbrellas in the house for fear of bringing bad luck.  It can mess up your
mind because you try to do things so precisely you wind up going through the
motions.  THat's dangerous whether you're a believer or not; you have to
live a life, and not spend every moment consciously worrying.
     When you teach a child to have a personal relationship with someone; in
our family's case God, you teach him/her to just go with what *feels* right,
but not to keep worrying every minute about what he/she is doing, because you
know you will be made to feel bad if you are doing something really wrong.
Hence, when Matthew was 3.5 and still at the stage where he was hitting
when really riled up, I got very mad at him.  Because I had been taught
the way I was, I felt bad about the way I felt - knowing it was wrong to
scream at a 3.5YO or to hit him too hard - and I left the room till I was
calm.  I agree that superstition is bad, but religion is good because it
provides you with morals.
     So, to your question of what a parent is to do - teach your child things
so that they feel bad inside when they do something wrong.  The way that's
been instilled in our family is by telling children that there are absolute
rights and wrongs, but that none of us are perfect and no superstition, no
fake belief, is going to make us perfect.  However, we must learn to behave
like good people, and to do that we must "let the Spirit guide us."  That
means telling our children when we put them in timeout, for instance, that
"what you did was wrong because it hurt x".  Assure them that you love them,
but instill in their hearts early that there are absolutes out there.  For
our family, those absolutes are through God.(Perhaps that is why Catholics
who stray from the church, in your example, still believe in Him - it is
through that relationships)  And yet, we do not feel it
necessary to attend church every Sunday, or something like that, to be "saved."
-- 
Doug Fowler: dxf12@po.CWRU.edu      :    "Every baby born into the world is
Real home: Canton, Ohio             :  finer than the last."--Charles Dickens
 Trying to follow in the path of our :     "A baby is an inestimable
Lord;anything close will be a success:  blessing and bother."--Mark Twain