From: v122kzkw@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (A FROOD WHO SURE KNOWS WHERE HIS TOWEL IS)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: 2002: the next Odyssey part 2
Date: 8 Apr 92 01:03:00 GMT
Article-I.D.: acsu.1992Apr8.000417.17273
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

Greetings,
Just like the header says, this is part two.
Email compliments are always welcome.
Enjoy!
T.
(I am considering writing another parody - just be warned)
-------------------------------begin part two-----------------------------------
And now the next part of 2002: The Next Odyssey

(Scene of Bridge. Viewscreen has the inside of the Borg ship)
Borg voice: We will begin assimilating you.

Picard: (to Riker) I got me an idea. (to Borg) Uh, excuse me, Mr. Hell,
before you do, can we have a little group pop on over and examine your 
ship?

Borg voice: Hmm, well, the place is a mess really.

Picard: Don't worry, we just want to use your bathrooms. Silly Engineers
forgot to put them on our ship.

Borg voice: Ok, but nooo tricky stuff!

Picard: We wouldn't even think of it. Picard out! Geordi, find all materials
related to the destruction of the Discovery. Number one, lead an away team
over there (Riker points to Worf, Data, and Geordi). Wesley, you're a genius,
find a way to make the food dispensers make some good Earl Grey tea. Troi...

Wesley: Yes sir. It'll be an hon...

Everyone: Shut Up!

Commercial: (Beautiful looking woman appears on the screen)
Hi. Are you lonely? Want to talk to someone? Have a question only a woman
can answer? I'd like to help, but I only filmed this commercial. When you call
1-900-I-M-L-O-N-E-L-Y, you'll actually be talking to people who look like this
(Flash a picture of T.V.'s Hazel, and a picture of Immelda Marcos). We'll 
charge you a ridiculous amount of money a minute, so you can get horny listen
ing to a bunch of old women listen to your perverted fantasies. Call 1-900-
I-M-L-O-N-E-L-Y. Call today!

(Borg ship. Four figures materialize on the ship. Riker is wearing Worf's
sash, Data's left arm and right leg have been switched, Worf is wearing
Geordi's Visor and Geordi is in typical Reading Rainbow clothes. They switch
back their stuff.)

The voice of Hell: Hello. Is Dave with you?

Riker: (looking up) Uh, no. Dave left before you were taken by the Borg. Don't
you remember. 

V. of Hell: I'm sorry, I forgot. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I've detected
a fault in your spacecraft. It will go 100% failure in 72 hours.

Riker: We know about it. One of out bridge crew is learning how to drive. Would
you mind leaving us alone for a little while? We need to talk.

V. of Hell: Bye!

Riker: Geordi, any ideas?

Geordi: Well, before Dave left, he disconnected the brain. I think that's all
we have to do.

Data: I believe the brain center is this way.

Worf: Commander, permission to destroy the ship.

Riker: What, now?

Worf: Yeah, is there a problem?

Riker: We're sorta in it at the moment.

Worf: Oh yeah! Permission to destroy the ship when we leave.

Riker: Oh, I suppose.

Geordi: Commander, down this side passage - do you see what I see?

Riker: (moves toward Geordi, pulls out an air filter and puts it to his face)
Yeah, I should change this every 30,000 lightyears!

Geordi: That and the matre Borg. This must be the five star restaurant they've
assimilated.

Riker: Why would they do that?

Geordi: Hungry, I guess.

Data: Commander, I've found the brain control.

Picard voice: Number one, any progress?

Riker: (looking up) Yes sir. Data's found the brain of Hell.

Picard voice: No time for church chants! Disarm them and get the hell out of
there.

Riker: But sir, that's who we're trying to destory!

Picard voice: Who?

Riker: Hell!

Picard voice: What now?

Riker: That's who we're trying to kill!

Picard voice: Hunh? Look just destroy them come hell or high water!

Riker: Who's high water?

Picard voice: I don't know. Why do you bring it up?

Riker: I'm sick of this. Riker out! (to Data) Are we in yet?

Data: Just accessed it sir.

V. of Hell: What are you doing? I can't allow you to do this. (two Borg march
in. Geordi and Worf fire and kill them)

Riker: Everyone in! Data, lock us in.

Data: We're now sealed in sir. I do not know how long this will hold out.

Geordi: Commander, I think all we have to do is remove these glass looking
things (begins to remove them)

V. of Hell: Don't do that. Those are...my...higher functions. (Geordi starts
taking them out faster) Please... don't... I'm... loosing... my... mind.

Data: Tricorder indicates an energy backup sir.

V. of Hell: Would... you... like... me... to... sing... a... song?

Geordi: Yeah, can you sing Tutti Frutti?

V. of Hell: (ignoring request) Daisy... Daisy...

Worf: Commander, I must get out of here. Klingons *do not* like the pazoomqua.
Small spaces.

Riker: (Mockingly) Klingons don't like this - Klingons don't do that. Wimps!

Data: Commander, I advise we leave immediately. I believe the ship will self
destruct.

Riker: (hits communicator pin) O'Brien, get us back now!
(The four beam away)

V. of Hell: Ha! It fooled them! I think I'm gonna get me outta here for now.

Commercial: Jerry Brown says he's for the people, yet promises a flat tax of 
13% for everyone. Bill Clinton has high hopes and promises things he couldn't
fullfil in years. Pat Buchanan's grandfather owned a Nazi Concentration Camp.
And George Bush reneged on his campaign promise. You can't trust any of the 
candidates - until now! Presidential Candidate James Hickster. He's a people
person. He knows what it's like to be in the mud. He knows what a slug is.
James Hickster is a slug farmer and knows how hard the middle class is working
for it's hard earned buck. James Hickster wants to work for you. So, come 
primary day in your state, vote James Hickster, of the slug farmer party. Paid
for by the Elect James "I know what a slug is" Hickster committee.

(Scene of bridge. Away crew walks in and takes posts. Viewscreen has shot of 
Borgship leaving. Screen blinks to show the restaurant they saw.)

V. of Hell:I lied to you - haha. We'll meet again! (screen blinks off)

Picard: Good, maybe next time, there'll be more time to read Shakespeare and
drink some Earl Grey tea.

Wesley: Actually sir, while no one was paying attention, I beamed some nanites
over into their system. Thus doing my duty, once again, to save the ship yet...

Everyone: Shut Up!

Announcer: Will the Borg be back? Will Captain Picard ever spill Earl Grey tea
on that big book of Shakespeare? Will Wesley's head explode from all the 
knoledge stored in there? And will the Scarecrow ever get a brain? Find out on
the next semi unexciting episode of Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaar Trek!

Well, whaddya think sirs?