From: sgs1679@usl.edu (Sudhindranath Sira G)
Subject: Re: Arranged Marriages...
Organization: University of Southwestern Louisiana
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 18:42:25 GMT

In article <36080@ogicse.ogi.edu> partha@mse.ogi.edu (R. Parthasarathy) writes:

.
.
.
[a lot of good observations deleted]
>
>No matter what a father does, it is the mother who brings up her child.
                               ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>Most values that are embedded in a man's outlook have come from what his
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>mother taught him in his tender years. Sure, every woman can start right
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>from that stage to sow the seeds of fairness and compassion for women
>in every boy. But that's not what I've seen. May be I haven't seen enough.
>

Yes, the mother has such a key role in raising a family. Unfortunately, 
most Indian women have lost the capacity to think and to uphold the values 
that make the family such a great unit.

[some more material deleted]

>way as much as we can.  Choosing a partner should not be equated with buying
			 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>a car. It is a lot more serious than that. I am sure most Indians living
 ^^^^^

I feel that we do take a lot more time to make up our minds when buying 
a car! (or for that matter, a two-in-one or a TV or even a pair of chappals!)
But, when it comes to marriage, we don't seem to mind rushing through it! 
(The spate of matrimonial ads in the newspapers back home prove my point 
---- "...BOY COMING FROM USA.   ...EARLY, SIMPLE MARRIAGE..." etc. etc.!!)  
I have seen many "seen-girl-today-married-tomorrow" cases. The strange 
thing is that nobody seems to be bothered about the absurdity of the process.

>in western societies have given these aspects a thought and done as best
>as they can. It is definitely wonderful if two people with matching views
>and interest come across each other and end up marrying. But that probability
>is rare in our contemporary society. So, as of now we seem to have no better
					  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>choice than going through arranged marriage system. But let us promise
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I don't agree with the view that we have no choice. I strongly feel that we 
do have a choice IF we are bold enough. Why shouldn't we make a
beginning? For example, if and when we guys visit India with an intention
of getting married, why don't we insist that we would like to consider
girls from other castes/religions/regions/linguistic groups? I am sure
that our opinions have a greater chance of being respected than those
of our friends who have been staying in India all the time.


>ourselves that our children will have more freedom than we had.
           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Rightly said. (Do I detect a personal chord here?) Anyway, I think the 
approach we should take towards our children should be this :

There are certain TRADITIONAL aspects of the Indian society vis-a-vis
marriage :

1) Marriage is an institution that brings together two families
   rather than just two individuals, and

2) The son(s) (and the daughter(s)-in-law) will have to take care of 
   the elders in their old age.

There are certain other aspects, which are mere CONVENTIONS ---- like,
arranged marriages, horoscope-matching, marrying within the same caste/
subcaste/subsubcaste/religion/linguistic group/region etc. etc.

And, (here I quote a statement made by the famous Veena maestro, Chitti
Babu, although in a totally different context)

"TRADITIONS SHOULD BE HONOURED ; CONVENTIONS CAN BE BROKEN."

If we keep this in mind, I am sure that we will be making our lives
as well as our children's lives a lot better.

>
>Partha sarathy
>

Regards, 

Sira Gopinath Sudhindranath.
(sudhi@usl.edu)