From: clare@nynexst.com (Clare Chu)
Subject: Re: Perfect Families
Organization: Nynex Science and Technology
Date: Fri, 31 Jul 92 12:12:33 GMT

In article <1992Jul31.000724.7544@newsgate.sps.mot.com> sekhar@geronimo.sps.mot.com writes:
>In article 8868@pasteur.Berkeley.EDU, sahai@cory.Berkeley.EDU (Anant Sahai) writes:
>
>>>|> Every Asian-Indian family that I meet likes to put on a front that 
>>>|> their family is perfect and that everyone in it is doing exceptionally
>>>|> well. Its like they'll never admit any faults to you, which is quite
>>>|> the opposite of what most white people I've met do. 
>
>I find it hard to believe that white families are dying to tell everyone
>of their problems.  

  Can't generalize, but I find Americans in general much more willing
  to tell you all their problems, including American-born people of
  Asiatic descent.  Just looking at usenet postings, you'll see people
  spilling their problems to the world.  Look in soc.singles, soc.women,
  soc.men, misc.kids, alt.dads-rights, even soc.culture.asian.american  :-)
  My mom never talks about her problems to her friends or even her 
  family.  She puts on a front that everything is okay.  About her friends, 
  I gather that everything is peachy-keen too.  Then I hear from 
  their kids (American-born) about every little thing and some of 
  the problems are just as bad as the soap operas.

  Most of the American friends I have I know all their family problems.
  Sometimes more than I want to hear.  But thinking back, I feel that I
  do not know much about the family lives of a lot of my foreign friends.
  Meanwhile this girl from Texas used to regale everyone in the dorm about
  her multiple gay and bi-sexual boyfriends, and her own bi-sexual problems.
  I think a lot of the foreign students found her relevations quite shocking,
  to say the least.  She seemed to enjoy the audience.

  Americans seem to be more open about problems because of the entertainment,
  sensationalist value of airing them.  Check out Oprah, Donohue, Geraldo,
  Sally Jesse Raphael, and all the talk shows.  People are dying to go on
  TV to tell all.  If only for a moment, they are like the stars, because
  they have the whole attention of the tv audience on them.   Also with the
  tabloids sensationalizing all the personal lives of the tv and movie
  stars, if you have problems and broadcast them or go on Oprah to talk
  about them, then you are a star too!  Only boring people have no
  problems.

Anant:
>> I know that this is un-P.C. to say, but I think the reason "Every"
>>Asian-Indian family you meet acts like it is perfect (from your point
>>of view, compared to the white people you have met) is not only a
>>"front", there is some reality to it. 
>> Based on my experience, I would maintain that Most Indian families in
>>the US ACTUALLY do not have that many problems. I know that out of my
>>very close circle of friends, everybody has basically a very nice
>>family life. No divorce, no substance abuse, no abuse. I think this is
>>just a consequence of the type of Indians that are generally in the
>>U.S. Mostly we consist of Engineers and Doctors from very nice
>>families. Couple that to a pretty strong value system and you end up
>>with pretty nice families.
>>I don't deny that there are some "fronts" put up. Why would any family
>>tell you their problems if they have NO really good reason to trust
>>you? I just don't want people to think that just because they don't
>>hear about problems, the problems must be being covered up. It is also
>>possible that the problems simply are not there.

  I don't know about Asian-Indian families.  All I know is that
  some of the Asian immigrant families I know put up a front for my
  parents.  Later you hear from the kids about the dad's affairs,
  illegitimate child, etc. etc. etc.  I personally don't think any
  one group has a lock on problems, while other groups don't have any.
  Willingness to talk about it might be a cultural variance, but
  I wouldn't be so naive to think that Engineers and Doctors all have
  very nice families.  Ha!  How about the family from Beverly Hills
  whose dad had another family on the side, and whose sister shot
  herself through the head in the study when she found out.
>
>I think I may have to disagree with Anant here.  While there are plenty of
>Indian families who have "perfect kids" (who may have "problems" that the
>parents have no clue about), I think there are plenty of families with problematic
>children around.  I think that the circles anant moves in may see less of this
>because of the extremely high academic standards of his group of friends (if you 
>haven't guessed, I know Anant), but I think there are enough Indian families with
>problems out there.
>
>
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Sekhar Narayanaswami		"The waiting is the hardest part
>sekhar@ssdt-tempe.sps.mot.com	 Everyday you get one more yard
>				 You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
>				 The waiting is the hardest part" - Tom Petty
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


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