HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: bberbeni@nyx.cs.du.edu (Bill Berbenich)
Subject: Dan Quayle, Master Debater
Organization: University of Denver, Dept. of Math & Comp. Sci.
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 92 17:36:20 GMT

Peeve:  Goddam TV and media trucks blocking off a large portion of the
        parking lot here, setting up for some stupid Vice Presidential
        debates.  Write up some parking tickets and get the illegally
        parked wankers towed off.
--
"Yes, he really said that!"
From: parr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Charles Parr)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Nominations are in order (was Story: choose the proper weapon for the job)
Date: 16 Oct 92 21:23:46 GMT
Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta

In article <1992Oct16.164655.29811@nstn.ns.ca> dc_ags@ac.nsac.ns.ca writes:
>In article <Bvv3uC.4n9@nic.umass.edu>, jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:
>>Jenny G proprietoress of Peevetown's favorite greasy spoon, where you can  
>>        pick up your copy of the Peevetown Dispatch, or have some of Chef
>>        Charles' Bunny Surprise.  Drop in, y'all here.
>>
>
>Maybe your chef should change his billing to Chef Chuck, or Chef upChuck....

The special for the day is Chucked Stew. Think about it.

Charles
-- 
Within the span of the last few weeks I have heard elements of
separate threads which, in that they have been conjoined in time,
struck together to form a new chord within my hollow and echoing
gourd. --Unknown net.person
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: cochran@spam.rtp.dg.com (A. Jing Hippy)
Subject: Religion & Such
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 14:43:15 GMT
Organization: A Suffusion of Yellow

In article <1992Oct7.084548.7992@ac.dal.ca>, 01sybok@ac.dal.ca writes:
|> 
|>I think it isn't religion that's laughable, but the way people turn and twist
|>it to fit teir own agendas. If you mix in a bit of common sence, the basic 
|>tenets of most relaigions are really pretty sound. An example is Christianity.

I like the way this is phrased, "an example is....".  What most people don't
realize is that Christ only put forward *one* new idea in all of his 
teachings (this is assuming, of course, that he ever existed at all -- there's
almost no evidence outside of the Bible, and if you toss that out as 
suspect, well....).  The new philosophy was "love your enemy".  All of the
other philosophical points (life after death, don't kill anybody, love your
neighbor, etc.) had been preached and practiced for thousands of years in 
other parts of the world before he ever came along.

It was your friend and his, Paul the Apostle, who added all of these other
nifty ideas such as the inferiority of women, "heathenism" of nonbelievers,
sexual constraints, and so forth.  The guy was a real mysoginist and 
homophobe, IMO.  Unfortunately, he's generally considered as the real founder
of Christianity.  If it hadn't been for him, Christ would have probably been
just another little-known philosopher in a small corner of the world.

|> It's the fanatics and the crazies of the world who say things like "If you
|> sleep with a mamber of the same sex, you're goin g to go to hell!" or
|> the ones that say "birth control is and Evil Thing" that cause people to say
|> "fuck you!" and ignore what really is sound advice.
|> Peeve: Jesus Freaks and other fanatics.

Now *this* brings up a scary thought.  Isn't religious fundamentalism the
very epitome of the "I'm right and you're wrong" philosophy?  If so, that
can only lead to one of two possible conclusions: 1) Religious fundamentalists
are *right* (shudder), or 2) alt.peeves is a religion.

+--------------------------------------------------+
|Dave Cochran, Data General Corporation, RTP, NC   |
|cochran@dg-rtp.dg.com                             |
+--------------------------------------------------+
|Dr. Pavlov's distinguished career came to an      |
|abrupt end one day when the doorbell rang and the |
|dog ate the Avon lady.                            |
+--------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: cochran@spam.rtp.dg.com (A. Jing Hippy)
Subject: Re: Banana Marley
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 19:33:25 GMT
Organization: A Suffusion of Yellow
Keywords: Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Bob

In article <26685@castle.ed.ac.uk>, jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk (Jeremy Henderson) writes:
|> 
|> whoaaa there!! Peevetown floozy sending e-mail to !Al Someone's gonna be
|> MIGHTILY upset if he gets caught with lipstick on his header!!

Gee, this *sounds* so much better than it really is.

Peeve: Lipstick.  Why do women wear the stuff?  It smears, it gets all over
you (even on your header, depending on what you're doing), and unlike other
makeup, it cannot be made to look "natural".  I see no reason for it. It's
greasy and most of it tastes horrible.

+--------------------------------------------------+
|Dave Cochran, Data General Corporation, RTP, NC   |
|cochran@dg-rtp.dg.com                             |
+--------------------------------------------------+
|Dr. Pavlov's distinguished career came to an      |
|abrupt end one day when the doorbell rang and the |
|dog ate the Avon lady.                            |
+--------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: nesdoly@dvinci.USask.Ca (Mark Nesdoly)
Subject: Re: speed trap
Organization: University of Saskatchewan
Distribution: alt.peeves
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 16:16:44 GMT

geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) writes:
>In article <1992Oct5.185932.11958@access.usask.ca> nesdoly@dvinci.USask.Ca 
>(Mark Nesdoly) writes:

>>Yesterday, Toronto city cops decided to not issue speeding and seatbelt 
>>tickets because the provincial government is trying to force them to fill out
>>a full report every time they draw their weapons.  

>One wonders why they'd draw their weapons anyway, if all they were doing
>was stopping someone for speeding or a seatbelt violation.  Gee, talk about
>a tough town!  I'd hate to be stopped back there for something really serious,
>like jaywalking.

The reason they aren't issuing tickets is to hit the government where it hurts:
in the wallet.  It's just a method of whining until they get their way.

>>Peeve:  I will not be in Toronto to take advantage of this lapse in the law.

>So find something else closer to home.  Are there any vice laws involving
>wheat?

Yes there is, but they involve fermentation and distillation.  I guess that 
makes me a criminal.  Oh well, it's only illegal if you get caught.

Peeve:  Making your own wine/beer isn't illegal, but as soon as you cook it 
        off it's illegal.  Shit, that's the only way it tastes even half-
        assed decent.

-- Mark
From: banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Chunderation
Keywords: driving, porcelain, bus
Date: 13 Oct 92 06:48:42 GMT
Organization: Sun, Moon, and Stars
NNTP-Posting-Host: abingdon

(Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:
>Oooh, "Bird Seed"  I'm hurtin' from that one.  Yow!

It was an experiment.  There was a discussion at an alt.peeves
meeting about how many people actually notice a change in the name
field.  Thank you for participating.  Unfortunately, there was no
credit associated with this experiment.

>Living as I do in the happy town of Lesbianville, USA, I am sick to death
>of gender neutral nouns!  I am damn proud to be a woman, and I don't in the
>least mind labels that advertise that fact. 

Glad to hear that.  If, perchance, you ever come into sole possesion
of a business establishment, I'll make a point of referring to you
as the "Bitch that owns the place."

>Then again, maybe it offends your sensibilities.  Funny, Andy, you never
>struck me as a PC kinda guy, but then again, there's probably a lot of stuff
>about you that I don't know.

Damn straight.  You don't know the colour underwear I wore today (I
don't either, since my clothes are in a wad in the middle of the
living room).  You don't know my address.  I could go on and on.

But let me assure you, I'm politically incorrect.  Baiting the PC is
one of my favourite pasttimes.  Give me a vegetarian and I'll assert
my dominance in the food chain in a second.  Give me an apologist of
any stripe and I'll send him whimpering for his moral high ground
in a second.

>So calling literate people illiterate makes you feel that your doing your
>little part to keep the world clean?  

Exactly.  They can either be cleaned up to the point they're
literate or they should be discarded and buried.

>And you have the gall (gaul for all
>you asterix fans) to say that *I* am having trouble connecting with
>reality.

I have a lot of gall.  Here, let me pass a stone for you.  And yes,
I said you were having trouble connecting with reality.  Try
cleaning your screen a little more often.

>Any time.  And certainly your strategy of insulting others to protect your
>own self-image is an effective one.  Your ego *appears* to be strong and
>resiliant.  Congratulations.  

Wow, a *compliment* from *the* Jenny Gutbezahl that carelessly slid
down her sleeve and got swatted off the back of her hand.  I'll drop
it in my keepsake drawer (you know, that one that gets emptied each
Monday morning, curbside).

>And perhaps with a little work you'll get to
>the point where you can feel good about yourself without having to pick on
>people like Scott & Mikey.    I'm rooting for you, honey :-)

I just pull their chain because I like the gurgling sound they make
as they race toward the sewer.

drew
banta@abingdon.sun.com
--
  What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth?  Judging from
  realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a 
  common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
                                                 -- Dave Barry
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: dwiseman@spsd630a.erim.org (Dave Wiseman)
Subject: Parking Meters
Organization: Environmental Research Institute of Michigan, Ann Arbor, Michigan
Date: 8 Oct 92 12:25:08


Three things have me pissed off about parking meters this week.  (These
are in addition to having to pay at all, having the right change, and the
other 'normal' parking meter peeves.)

  1)  Parking prices at the gym have doubled in the last two years.  The
      prices aren't exorbitant (since I don't live in a large city), but
      doubled is still doubled.  Since I go three times a week, at 70 cents
      a pop, we're talking $155 for the year.  Just to park for a lunchtime 
      workout.  This is more than the fee to work out there! ($148)

  2)  They've installed the new kind of meter where the parking spaces 
      are numbered, and there is a machine to pay at.  You punch in your
      number, and then put in your money.  The thing is, of course, that
      you can't tell if there is any time left for the space where you're
      parking.  The other problem with this, is...

  3)  I drove my friend and myself to the gym the other day.  We have an 
      (unspoken) agreement that the one who drives doesn't have to pay
      the meter.  So he paid.  Unfortunately, he punched in the wrong 
      space number -- I got the ticket.

Peeve 1:  He didn't offer to pay the ticket.
Peeve 2:  He didn't offer to pay half the ticket.
Peeve 3:  He didn't even apologize.
--
David Wiseman              dwiseman@erim.org
Environmental Research Institute of Michigan
From: tjc@castle.ed.ac.uk (A J Cunningham)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Assorted peeves (collect 'em, trade 'em with your friends)
Keywords: Waking up, officemates, detours, bike locks
Date: 7 Oct 92 16:27:09 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University Colouring Book Software

harris@ironic.nlm.nih.gov (Nomi Harris) writes:

>4. The bike cage here has these contraptions to which you are
>supposed to lock your bike.  Every morning I struggle mightily to
>lock my women's-frame mountain bike with my extra-thick Kryptonite
>lock (can we start BikeLockSizeWars?) 

My problem with bike locks is that I don't have enough. I have one bike
(old and decrepit but my first real bike so I want to keep it) securely
locked in an outside toilet (Don't ask) and a brand new !Peeve bike
which lives in my living room. It looks as though I'll have to lash out
another forty notes for a second bike lock.

>About half the time I eventually succeed, though
>I usually end up coated with bike grease.  

An occupational peeve for cyclists I'm afraid. Bike grease always seems
to fall off the places it's supposed to stay (Chains, gears, etc..) and
gravitate towards the cyclists clothing or skin. The lighter the colour
of the clothes worn, the greater their attraction for the grease.

>	Nomi (Blood type B+, in case anyone wants to send donations. :-)

A-, sorry.
Tony

-- 
Tony Cunningham, Insignia Solutions Ltd. tjc@ed.ac.uk or tjc@insignia.uucp
This explains a lot about me. I thought it was the heavy drinking, the
late hours, the barking mad women, the lying around in bed reading novels and
eating Nescafe out of a jar with the  spoon. But it's because of the Mac.
From: banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Pained Whale?
Keywords: elephant, HE, m203
Date: 13 Oct 92 07:30:31 GMT
Organization: Sun, Moon, and Stars
NNTP-Posting-Host: abingdon

Thanks to Bill Berbenich and Matthew Hencken for forwarding this
article that never made it to my site.

Our little spew muffin, Scott Park writes:
>Hmmmmm, euthanized and dead hey?  Who's pretending now banta?  

Why doesn't it surprise me that you can't distinguish between
metaphor and fantasy?

Oops.  Thought that was a rhetorical question, didn't you?  Wrongo.
You can't because of the lacuna between your ears.  *If* you lived
in the Peevetown fantasy, you'd be six feet under a tombstone
marked "wit failure."

>Go back
>to your GI Joe Leggo Barbie fantasy world you infintile uncreative

'Scuse me, Scott.  The adjective form of "infinity" is "infinite."
I could pick on your sentence construction and grammar, as well,
but what's the point?

>pustule, its past your bedtime.  Don't forget your phalic pacifier.

I guess I spoke too soon.  The point is I couldn't parse your flaccid
rebuttal without having to read it three times.  "*It is* past my
bedtime" would be contracted, by a literate person, to "It's past my
bedtime."  As for my *phallic* pacifier, sucking your fantasy of a
dick would be no great chore.

>Jesus, what adolescent crap...

Oop, dealt with this earlier.

>Excellent banta!  Little spurt of imagination there.  Short though.
>Mabey when you reach puberty you can try for 2 paragraphs.

Now make up your muddled little mind.  Am I adolescent or do I still
have to reach puberty?  I thought I mentioned "intellectual
integrity" in this discussion already.

>Naw f**khead, I prefer the *s.  This causes mentally impared d**kwads
>like you to ask their mommy, "what's this word mean?"  

I'm in fucking awe.  I'm stunned beyond belief.  The words
"flabbergasted" and "astounded" don't even approach my level of
amazement.  YOU WROTE THE CONTRACTION "WHAT'S" PROPERLY!

Now why don't you ask my mommy what those words mean.  You probably
see her more often than I do.

>Slap slap.

See?  You're getting excited just thinking about it.

Peeve:  Picking on spelling and grammatical errors.  I hate it.  But
what peeves me even more is not being able to interpret some gob of
folderol because it's so poorly written.

drew
banta@abingdon.sun.com
--
  What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth?  Judging from
  realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a 
  common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
                                                 -- Dave Barry
From: nesdoly@dvinci.USask.Ca (Mark Nesdoly)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: credit card peeve
Date: 9 Oct 92 17:02:26 GMT
Organization: University of Saskatchewan

hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman) writes:

>Peeve: Paying tax on airplane tickets. Why not just include the tax in the
>listed fare?

Come on up to Canada, and you can pay tax on your restaurant meals, doughnuts,
haircuts, movie tickets, gasoline, cigarettes, clothing, *and* airline 
tickets...Newspapers too.  So quit bitching.  You got it easy.

-- Mark
Newsgroups: alt.peeves,rec.hunting
From: hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman)
Subject: Re: Self-Assembly (was Caffeine and mornings)
Date: Fri, 09 Oct 92 07:10:51 GMT
Organization: Weasels; weasels everywhere

In article <1992Oct9.015234.12070@bbxrbk> russ@bbxrbk (Russ Kepler) writes:
>In article <1yhplnf@lynx.unm.edu> hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman) writes:
>>In article <ld92c9INNd8a@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM> geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) writes:
>>>
>>>>=Jesus Christ!
>>>
>>>>Well, on a crutch.
>>>
>>>On a Jetski.
>>
>>In a foot-stompin', face-smashin', chaw-chewin', butt-kickin', gonad-rippin',
>>pit-smellin', loogie-spittin', mantool-swellin' monster truck from hell on
>>the sabbath.
>
>Dan, I think that you've been stuck in the university just a little
>bit too long.  Let's go out and kill something - maybe that'll work
>out some of this aggression.  I did see some bunnys lined up recently
>- I'll take the right, you take the left and we'll see just how long
>it takes them to figure it out.

Only if we get to use that Dragon's DeathBreath stuff. I am in awe. I
am proud, *damned* proud, to be an American. Of course you can count
me out if Chris would be standing to my left trying his best to whack
me in the head with ejected shells. Had enough of that, thanks. 

ObSoundEffects: Blam! <chink> "Ow!" "Heh heh heh..." "Fuck you."

>Peeve: Got me my S&W 629, got the dies for the Dillon, even have some
>brass to load, but no molds to cast up bullets.  What's a guy to do?

The obvious. Take a bunch of those lead sinkers from the ol' fishing
kit, chew on 'em until the lead is nice and soft, and then roll the
slugs between your hands. What's the big deal?

-- 
We've replaced the fine baby Jesus we normally use with Folgers crystals.
Let's see if they notice the difference.
Xref: sparky alt.peeves:15349 misc.misc:3478
From: mhart@blackjack.dt.navy.mil (Michael Hart)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves,misc.misc
Subject: Re: Japanese Tourists ate my building.
Date: 9 Oct 92 10:49:16 GMT
Followup-To: alt.peeves

In <ld9ahfINNdg7@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM> geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) writes:

>A pair of cabbage?  A bunch of cabbage?  A lid of cabbage?

------------------------------------------^^^^^^
A _lid_?  Geoff, I gotta tell ya, man, like, you know, it's cool
and all, but, man, you're like really datin' yourself, ya know?

Besides, I don't think it'd technically be a lid unless you dried
it, chopped it up real fine, put it in a baggie, rolled up the
baggie, and stuck it into your pants.  _Then_ you could call it
a lid.

>>And don't forget those illiterates who say "nucular".  Die rat bastard!!
We have Eisenhower to thank for "nucular".

>There ya go.  And also the ones who say "reeletter" and "asterick."

And don't forget two of my favorites:
	"Let me axe you a question"
		and
	"That's eighty seven cent."

But still, honorable mention should go to that veritable treasure trove
of vernacular peeves, the "{He/she/we/I} be ....." family, as in
"He be axing her a question, 'cause she be telling him it gonna be
a damn sight more 'en ten cent for her ta put dat in her mout."

Peeve: Following the directions.  I followed the directions the other
day and completely hosed up my server.  I knew I shoulda winged it.

!Peeve: Am I the only one here who's fallen in lust^H^H^H^H love
with Jenny G.?




>Geoff


>-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
>Geoff Miller                    + + + + + + + +        Sun Microsystems
>geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM  + + + + + + + +     Menlo Park, California
>-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
--
|   Michael G. Hart                   mhart@blackjack.dt.navy.mil    |
|--------------------------------------------------------------------|
|     You think _I_ speak for the government or the navy?  HAH!      |
| Aviation, computers, quality improvement, Northern Exposure, money |
From: parr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Charles Parr)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Japanese Tourists ate my building.
Keywords: Losers
Date: 13 Oct 92 17:23:17 GMT
Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta

In article <1992Oct12.231818.27726@CS.ORST.EDU> tim@physics.orst.edu writes:
>In article <1992Oct12.210751.26975@twg.com>, donp@twg.com (Don Pette) writes:
>|> 
>|> No my friend, you are not. My office mate Nolan (gabby) Hinshaw and
>|> myself are drowning in the sea of amour too.

>Now there's a vivid image I'll be working to expel from my thoughts.
>Nolan and Don, smothered a tablespoon at a time.

*Half* a tablespoon at a time...

Regards, Charles
-- 
Within the span of the last few weeks I have heard elements of
separate threads which, in that they have been conjoined in time,
struck together to form a new chord within my hollow and echoing
gourd. --Unknown net.person
From: Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Not Al Crawford)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Freshers
Keywords: Lala la, lala lala, lala la, lala lalaaa
Date: 8 Oct 92 11:27:04 GMT
Reply-To: Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Not Al Crawford)
Organization: Penicuik People's Revolutionary Sheepdog Liberation Front

In article <+sgp57p@lynx.unm.edu> hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman) writes:
>
> Yes, !Al, the memory of the Banana Splits is being kept alive through the
> valiant efforts of The Dickies,

It's about to be annihilated - I was passing Our Price while in the
Peevacentre this morning and so I browsed the CD singles rack.

I found a CD single with a picture of the Banana Splits on the cover. My
first thought was "Oh, the Dickies single has been reissued." I was
horribly, horribly wrong. Closer examination reveals that we are about to
be assailed by a techno/rave version of the Banana Splits theme. I think
I'm about to be violently ill.

I'm going to hide in a soundproof, darkened room for the next two months,
someone come get me when it's dropped out the charts...

--
		Not Al Crawford - Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk
      "Brothers, sisters, we don't need this fascist sheepdog thang"
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: nesdoly@dvinci.USask.Ca (Mark Nesdoly)
Subject: Re: Satan's Sinuses Peeve
Organization: University of Saskatchewan
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 16:32:15 GMT

01sybok@ac.dal.ca writes:
>	!Peeve: one (or more) of the drugs in my system has a sedating side 
>effect. I feel calm and relaxed today. Plus I have Sarah Vaughn on the stereo
>behind me. BOY am I ever chilled out!

Reminds me of last September.  I cracked a rib, and the doctor put me on 
codeine to help kill the pain.  That stuff made me perpetually drowsy and 
mellow.  One day, my rib was really sore, so I took the painkillers a little
bit closer together than was prescribed.                

!Peeve:  What a headrush!  I was sitting in class, when I suddenly broke into
         a cold sweat, and my vision got really sharp.  The colours!  The best 
         part is, I still have some of those painkillers left.  They're good 
         stuff.

Big!Peeve:  The unemployed leach roommate is moving out at the end of the month.
            Finally I'll be able to actually *eat* the groceries I buy.

Peeve:  I'll probably get some helpful information from the Peevetown elders
        about the drugs they've tried (Read: "What the hell do you know about 
        drugs?  Me, I've either smoked, injected or imbibed every narcotic 
        known to man, so you have no right to talk about just one.") 

-- Mark

Every dogma has its day.