From: byers@cl2.cl.uh.edu (Unbeliever)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Yet Another Periodic Return...
Date: 30 Sep 92 03:19:00 GMT
Reply-To: byers@cl.uh.edu
Organization: The Land
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1

The doors to Callahan's fly open, and a blue-white blur streaks across the
room.  It is only when he hits the wall on the other side that the blur becomes
identifiable.  Some gasp.  Some groan.  Some just look a tad bewildered.  But
the figure desperately trying to climb the far wall of Callahan's is none other
then the Unbeliever, himself.  Mike calls out to him:

"Unbeliever!"
       Nothing.
"Unbe!"
       Nothing.
"REED!"
       The Unbeliever gasps, looks wildly about for a moment, and collapses
against the wall.  After a fire hose in the face, courtesy of one Fast Eddie,
Unbe looks ready to talk.

"I'm back!  I really made it back!  Oh, the terrors, the horrors!"

Unbeliever starts to shake violently, like a rabbit staring into the eyes of
a Doberman Pincher.

"I was made to do things, to say things..."

Fast Eddie jerks the fire hose menacingly, and Unbe visibly tries to calm down.

"When I graduated this last Spring, I knew I was in trouble.  After all, I
hadn't found anything REMOTELY resembling a real job yet, and things didn't
look like they could get better.  Well, I was right.  No entry-level
computer-related positions in the Greater Houston area.  NONE.  So when things
looked desperate, I broke down and took a job at the local Waldenbooks.  After
all, it was money... and how bad could it be?  HOW BAD COULD IT BE?!?"

Unbeliever trembles for a moment, then continues.

"I found out how bad it could be.  Long, irregular hours, of standing,
standing, standing...  smiling at EVERYONE, even jerks (ESPECIALLY jerks),
looking for books, shelving books, taking orders, shelving books, ringing
sales, shelving books, cleaning up after invasions of 3-year-olds, SHELVING
BOOKS..."

"Waldenbooks, Baybrook, this is Reed, may I help you?"
"Waldenbooks, Baybrook, this is Reed, may I help you?"
"Do you have one of our Discount Cards?"
"It saves you 10% off everything in the store, except for newspapers and
magazines.  It's only $10 a year.  Care to join?"
"Waldenbooks, Baybrook, this is Reed, may I help you?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't carry The Anarchist's Cookbook."
"Would you like me to look that up for you?"
"Waldenbooks, Baybrook, this is Reed, may I help you?"
"Your card seems to have expired.  Care to renew?"

Unbeliever shudders violently.

"Thank GOD that's over.  If I never work retail again, it will be too soon...
You see, another form of hell opened up on me during this period of time.  For
the first time in 6 years, I had no access to Usenet.  My accounts had expired.
My white gold ring no longer sufficed to get me to Callahan's!"

"But all of this has changed, you see, I'M BACK AT UHCL!  Working TWO
20-hour-a-week VAX-related positions!  And best of all, I have an account
again!  My ring works once more!  If anybody is taking notes, I am:
BYERS@CL.UH.EDU"

Unbeliever seems calm enough to take the glass that Mike is offering, and slap
a new, crisp $1 bill on the counter.

"Thank you, Mike.  Ah, eggnog!  It's good to be back."

"For those of you who are curious, yes, Barbara and I are still very much in
love with each other, although we may NEVER get married if neither of us ever
find a decent-paying job (I'm making more now than I did at Waldens, but THAT
AINT SAYING MUCH).  I still thank the merciful heavens daily for bringing her
into my life.  For now, we're just dreaming of having apartments within 10
miles of each other..."

"By the way, Sea Wasp, thought I'd mention: one of the reasons I ran from
Walden so fast?  All the Christmas stuff had been coming out since the start
of August, and scaring me silly.  Thought you'd get a kick out of that.  I
mean, the Christmas stuff actually started BEFORE THE HALLOWEEN STUFF!  And
you guys wondered why I ran in here so fast!"

"And Tin Man?  Was I gone so long this time as to FALL OFF the MIA list?!?
*CACKLE*  You won't get rid of me THAT easily..."

Unbeliever laughs, and raises his glass in toast.

"To my fellow Callahan's patrons -- empaths, aliens, fuzzies, and furries,
wizards, witches, warlocks, and wookies.  To quote from another Mike who'd
probably feel right at home here:

            MAY ALL YOUR GOOD DREAMS AND FINE WISHES COME TRUE!

And to quote the Terminator:  Oy'll Be Beck!"

With that, the Unbeliever gulps down his eggnog, and hurls the glass into the
fireplace.  The resounding *CRASH* causes the crowd to glance away briefly,
and when they look back, only the fading glow of Unbeliever's White Gold Ring
stands evidence that he was ever there...


+--------------------------------+--------------------------------------------+
| Internet:    byers@cl.uh.edu   | "First things first, but not necessarily   |
|                  - or -        | in that order!"                            |
|            reed@unkaphaed.uucp |                     -- The Doctor          |
+--------------------------------+--------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.callahans