HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: mlxh@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Michael Howard)
Subject: GGBJ
Reply-To: mlxh@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Michael Howard)
Organization: Laboratory for the Foundations of Computer Science, Edinburgh U
Distribution: rec.humor
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 18:43:30 GMT

At great personal risk (hhmmm... :-) I am posting the green golfball joke.
This will hopefully clear up the fuss about it 'not existing', and show every1
what all the fuss was about. <below edit taken off of monochrome somewhere>



Ok, so here it comes...


... the green golf ball joke...


... <drumroll> ...


<Warning: is slightly sick: do not read if easily offended>

---------------------------------------------------[Thu Nov  7 15:42:46 1991]--
From: YYURYYUBICURYY4me (blackcat)

Subject:The infamous green golf ball joke

 This vicar is hearing confession from this guy, who tells him about a brothel
he goes to where a woman can give a blow job while singing! The vicar can
hardly believe this, but the man assures him it's true. 'It must be a miracle!'
thinks the vicar to himself, but thinks no more about it.

 The next day, he gets drunk on communal wine, and decides to check out this
incredible thing for himself! So he goes to the brothel, and asks the madame
about the amazing miracle woman he's heard about who does the singing blow
jobs. The madame shows him a picture of the beautifull girl, but tells him he 
has to be blindfolded while she does the business, so the way she does it can
be kept a secret.

 The vicar agrees, and pays the madame. She leads him into a dark room, 
followed by the girl, who seductively undresses him, then blindfolds him. But
just before he notices something about the size of a green golf ball on a 
shelf in the corner.

 Anyway, the woman starts to do the business, and then suddenly breaks into
angellic song while giving the vicar the best blow job he's ever had in his
life! <and he used to get about a bit before taking the vows!> After she
finished, he was just overcome with curiosity, and made a grab for the light!

 All he saw was the girl on the bed and, in the corner on the shelf, a single
glass eye... 


(BC.)
<you can tell how much of a nerd some1 is by how long it takes them 2 get it:-> 
--
*****************************************************************************
       . /_____      |                <mlxh@dcs.ed.ac.uk>             
         \           |    How happy is the moron, he doesn't give a damn.
  (mostly harmless)  |     I wish I were a moron. My god, perhaps I am!        

Article: 49862 of rec.humor
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mlxh@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Michael Howard)
Subject: GOLF BALL
Reply-To: mlxh@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Michael Howard)
Organization: Laboratory for the Foundations of Computer Science, Edinburgh U
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 02:32:18 GMT

1) Didn't you all get the golfball joke? Do posts from here not reach america,
or is there just a l - o - n - g lag?

2) APFAQ: Why is it called the 'green golfball joke'? Well, obviously, calling
it the 'glass eye joke' would give the game away so green golfball was best
name. Would've thought red would've been more appropriate (blood) unless
gangreen had set in (not surprising really!). More likely explanation: the
woman had green eyes, but this was taken out in later version 'cos it gave away
the punchline too early. Not sure how makeshift the version I passed on was.
(was from about a year ago too!)

3) sorry if I put you off your dinner :-)

 btw, isn't it incredible how many ppl tried 2B clever by pretending 2B in on
the 'joke' (i.e. thinking the joke didn't exist, and 'joining in' teasing the
others), with the appropriate 'snowball' effect!  |-D

(oh yeh, is there a sicker joke out there NEwhere? :-)



--
*****************************************************************************
       . /_____      |                <mlxh@dcs.ed.ac.uk>             
         \           |    How happy is the moron, he doesn't give a damn.
  (mostly harmless)  |     I wish I were a moron. My god, perhaps I am!        

--
*******************************************************************************
       . /_____      |                <mlxh@dcs.ed.ac.uk>             
         \           |   I feel no pain dear mother now; but oh, I am so dry!
  (mostly harmless)  |    Oh take me to a brewery, and leave me there to die.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: More pickup lines
From: alanw@vax1.mankato.msus.edu
Date: 18 Nov 92 00:25:07 -0600
Organization: Mankato State University


Q. Were you born in a bakery?

A. NO

R. If not, where did you get them buns?

 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alan Williamson				                      "Life is a party."
Mankato State University
Mankato, Minnesota			             alanw@vax1.mankato.msus.edu
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: EC0AAEF <EC0AAEF@MUSIC.TCS.TULANE.EDU>
Subject: Bumper Snicker
Organization: Your MUSIC System
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 22:29:33 GMT
Nntp-Posting-Host-[nntpd-22634]: music.tcs.tulane.edu

  <-
thiS Happens
->

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+  Stalin was just a harmless       +
+  little fuzzball                  +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: N020BA@tamvm1.tamu.edu
Subject: Re: Blonde jokes
Organization: Texas A&M University
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 04:05:35 GMT

In article <lapradbj.721937035@craft.camp.clarkson.edu>
lapradbj@craft.camp.clarkson.edu (Billie-Jo Laprade) writes:
 
>
>YOU ARE A COMPLETE AND ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE!!!  You obviously have nothing better
>to do with yourself.  Get a life!!!!!!!
>
  Get a sense of humor!! Take you anti-serious pills!!!
 
========================================================================
"You speak evil of that which is fair    | My opinions are mine and mine
beyond the reach of your thought and on- | alone. I speak for myself and
ly little wit can excuse you."-J.R.R.    | no-one else.
Tolkien in Lord of the Rings trilogy.    |______________________________
Reply to N020BA@tamvm1.tamu.edu.         Stamp Out Political Correctness
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: terjej@edb.tih.no (Terje Johansen,o90b)
Subject: true story from the deep blue
Reply-To: terjej@edb.tih.no
Posting-Front-End: Winix Conference v 92.05.15  1.20 (running under MS-Windows)
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 20:06:43 GMT

This story was told me by a very old machine chief. He said this 
happened once on a ship he was on, during the war. I believe him.
And I wish he was still with us. His kind do not often appear.

"We once had an accident down below in the engine room. One mate was
cleaning one of them boilers we used for cooking drinking-water.
Now, this tank held several hundreds of gallons of water. And this 
particular mate was more'n a little lazy. So he decided to have a nice
little doze in there. While this fellow was sleeping silently, another
mate walked by, saw the tank top open, and closed and locked it without
any further thought. As the top mate came by an hour or so later, he
saw the tank closed, and assumed that the task of cleaning the tank
was done.
And the tank was filled up to the top with seawater, and the boiling
started, oven going at several hundred degrees.
Well, eventually the unfortunate mate was reported missing, and a check
of the work roster sent a hurried team to dry and reopen that boiler.
All they found, was his trouser buttons. Everything else, bones, meat,
clothes and even the shoes had boiled away. 
There was nothing more to do, so they closed the boiler and resumed work.
And that was that.
But ever after, whenever anybody was about to drink a glass of water,
he'd take off his hat and cross his chest..... "


-- 
Terje Johansen at Trondheim College of Engineering, Norway.

Bury me deep. The next generations will be hungry.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: gundlach@rosalyn.stat.uga.edu (Gundlach Family account)
Subject: Re: 999,999,999 Green bottles
Organization: UGA Statistics Department
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 21:22:00 GMT

999,999,991 Green bottles hanging on the wall
999,999,991 Green bottles hanging on the wall
and if one of those bottles should happen to fall
there'd be... .
%_
There'd be a bunch of dogs licking the floor, that's what there'd be.
.

-- 
********************************************************************************
*-:^) *** Mike Gundlach        * "No, please, call me, 'Wonko the Sane'.
* Gundlach@helena.stat.uga.edu.*  Goodbye, and Thanks For all the Fish
********************************************************************************
From: tck@bend.ucsd.edu (Kevin Marcus)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Green Golf Ball Joke
Date: 18 Nov 92 16:02:05 GMT
Organization: Linguistics Department, UCSD
NNTP-Posting-Host: bend.ucsd.edu

In article <1992Nov17.121323.17930@ntuix.ntu.ac.sg> gckchin@ntuix.ntu.ac.sg (Kelvyn Chin) writes:
>
>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>
>you're right, fellas, it IS the funniest thing i've read
>*ever*!! To all those who emailed me, thanks TONS !!!
>
>;) ;) ;)
>

Well, why don't you post it up here then.  I would like a copy of it too, and
I am sure that a lot of other people would.
From: frank.rosenbaum@execnet.com (frank rosenbaum)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: social work
Date: 19 Nov 92 05:56:47 GMT
Reply-To: "frank rosenbaum" <frank.rosenbaum@execnet.com>
Distribution: rec
Organization: Executive Networks Information

KJ4This has already done the rounds in talk.bizarre, but I thought perhaps
  4a wider audience might appreciate this.  Would someone please tell me If
  4there is a Correct Group for this sort of writing?

KJ4------------------------------------------------------------------------------

KJ4Guvf jnf vafcverq ol gur sbyybjvat cnffntr juvpu jnf qvfgevohgrq ba n
  4znvyvat yvfg V erprvir (dhbgrq nabalzbhfyl):

KJ4#  Va znal pnfrf [frkhny] nohfr [bs puvyqera] vf n snzvyl qvssvphygl naq vf
  4#  orfg qrnyg jvgu ol xrrcvat gur snzvyl gbtrgure.  Ubjrire jvgu gur tebff
  4#  ynpx bs erfbheprf gung gur fbpvny jbexref unir vg jbhyq or vzcbffvoyr gb
  4#  qb guvf va znal pnfrf juvyr cebgrpgvat gur puvyq sebz shegure nohfr.

Try the newsgroup trash.can

               Frank
---
 ~ 1st 1.01 #710 ~ Let there be night and day, Con-Ed had a power failure.
--
Executive Network Information System  (914) 667-4567
International ILink Host
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rforrest@ducvax.auburn.edu
Subject: lightbulb joke
Organization: Auburn University, AL
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 06:45:29 GMT

Q.   How many Mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A.   It only takes two, but what I want to know is how they got in
     the light bulb?
      
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: "mike clemens" <mike.clemens@canrem.com>
Subject: green golf ball joke
Reply-To: "mike clemens" <mike.clemens@canrem.com>
Organization: Canada Remote Systems
Distribution: rec
Date: 21 Nov 92 12:59:15 EST

> >This was originally done as an experiment in Artificial Intelligence.
> >The goal was to have the net check and reject the GGBJ.  It now does
> >so in over 350 permutations and a total of 72 languages and dialects.

> >I, personally, translated it to Mandarin, scanned it into a gif file,
> >converted it to jpeg, broke it into four pieces, each rotated ninety
> >degrees, and it STILL REJECTED IT, although part one did get through
> >before the rest were stopped.  My account, however, was cancelled.

> >If you really want the GGBJ, try giving a snail mail or fax address.
> >Maybe someone will send it that way.

> Hahaha, Like anyone is going to actually believe this??  Or does
> this artificial inteligence program crack encryption too (ya right!),
> if it does exist encrypt it with crypt, DES or something and send the
> key in a seperate message.

        are you mental?  it doesn't exist!

--
Mike Clemens, Canada Remote Systems
E-Mail:  mike.clemens@canrem.com
---
  SLMR 2.1a  Life is uncertain; eat dessert first.
--
Canada Remote Systems  - Toronto, Ontario
World's Largest PCBOARD System - 416-629-7000/629-7044
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bane@spock.uucp (Cameron Huang)
Subject: Re: Lets all test together
Organization: Choate Rosemary Hall
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 18:22:41 GMT

In article <1e7ucbINNkhk@clover.csv.warwick.ac.uk> phudl@csv.warwick.ac.uk (Mr S J Liddicott) writes:
>Test
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
No! I will not stand for this! Please do not post tests like this on 
respectable newsgroups like rec.humor! Please keep your tests to newsgroups
like soc.religion.christianity, or alt.sources. Thank you.

-- 
"If love is blind, I guess I'll buy myself a cane."
                                   --W. Axl Rose

"There can be only one!"
		--Kurgan

bane@choate.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ralph@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (ralph.winslow)
Subject: Re: Riddle -
Organization: AT&T
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 18:10:13 GMT

In <By3525.BIt@ucunix.san.uc.edu> hollenbk@ucunix.san.uc.edu (Chris Hollenbeck) writes:
>In <By0Msr.7uu@newcastle.ac.uk> S.E.Rigden@newcastle.ac.uk (Simon Rigden) writes:
>> The following is a riddle I saw the other day. Some people get it straight
>>away but mathematicians seem to have difficulty - tell it to one and see.
>> ZK  : Well, I can tell you that there are 64 heads and 186 legs?
>> Is it possible to work out the answer to the mans question from this?
>> -Simon "I really should get round to creating a .sig" Rigden
>> -(S.E.Rigden@ncl.ac.uk)
>There is no real answer because the number of legs are split among two- and
>four-legged animals.  One solution I came up with was 35 two-legged animals
>and 29 4-legged animals.  This is the one that I think is the best solution.
>
>--CJH

Very  good, but where do they bury the survivors??
From: smith@ctron.com (Lawrence C Smith)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: =5= The Last of the Usenet Winter Olympics
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Date: 18 Nov 92 13:24:11 GMT
Reply-To: smith@ctron.com
Organization: Cabletron Systems, Inc.

In article <1992Nov18.073649.23538@cbfsb.cb.att.com>, forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) writes:

>Inspiration provided by                          |   . o          |
> Dave Hayes    Chip Salzenberg     Tim Pierce    |    x           |
> Joel Furr     Rich Kulawiec       Jay Maynard   |  -/ '          |
> Francis Uy    Gordon Van Huizen   Laird Nelson  |   |   __       |
> Bill Fenner   Jesper Lauridsen    John Stanley  |      / /  o    |
> Ken Arromdee  Karleenus Schwartz Davis          |      \ \ / o   |
> Samuel Ko     G. Wolfe Woodbury   Michael Nolan |       \ \ / o  |
> Mark Brader   Gene, Dave, Brad, Peter and Kent  |        \ \ /   |

Damn, the competition was rough this year!
I didn't even get an honorable mention!

Larry Smith (smith@ctron.com)  No, I don't speak for Cabletron.  Need you ask?
-
Liberty is not the freedom to do whatever we want,
it is the freedom to do whatever we are able.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bwbrock@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu (Benjamin Warre Brock)
Subject: Re: Kirk's Middle Name -- now it CAN be told!
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 1992 01:59:46 GMT
Organization: Engineering Computer Network, University of Oklahoma, Norman, OK, USA

Tiberius is also verified in ST2 by Khan.

-- 
Ben Brock
bwbrock@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu
aero engr (junior)
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 20:06:29 EST
From: <KWK107@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Special ASCII needed!!!!

  Does anyone out there have any ASCII's of roses?  Any variation will do...
If you do could you please send them to me and if you have time send them to
REL112@psuvm.psu.edu and tell her that Kevin asked you to brighten her day.
Oh.. her name is Rebecca.
  Thanks mucho!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
" What would the world be like without Captain Hook? "
                                      Kevin W. Kull
                                           Penn State University
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bgf8n@curry.edschool.Virginia.EDU (Brian Gregory Fern)
Subject: Re: other ways to say vomit..
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 07:54:32 GMT

technicolor yawn
praying at the porcelain altar
driving the porcelain bus
ralphin'
spewing
and so on...
From: exustp@exu.ericsson.se (Stephen Pittner,xt-dt,x0672)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: other ways to say vomit..
Date: 20 Nov 92 19:47:43 GMT
Reply-To: exustp@exu.ericsson.se
Organization: Ericsson Network Systems, Inc.
X-Disclaimer: This article was posted by a user at Ericsson.
              Any opinions expressed are strictly those of the
              user and not necessarily those of Ericsson.

In article 121265@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu, tes0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (THOMAS EDWIN SCHMIDLIN) writes:
>In article <1992Nov19.121337.2725@bradford.ac.uk>, D.G.Legros@bradford.ac.uk (DG
> LEGROS) writes:
>>Wilson Mohr (mohr@rtsg.mot.com) wrote:
>>: From my Frat days:
>>:
>>:      Blow Chow!
>>: --
>>: Wilson Mohr         "Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most o
>f the
>>: mohr@rtsg.mot.com    time, he will pick himself up and continue on" - W. Chur
>chill
>>
>>How's about:
>>
>>Chunky Choke
>>Blow Chunks
>>Liquid laugh
>>
>>There are some others, but I cant remember them.
>>
>>Dommy the Mouse
>>
>
>Yell at your shoes
>Technicolor yawn
>Puke
>Blow
>Vomit
>Spew
>Honk
>Pray to the porcelin God
>Yak
>Boot
>Talk about your lunch
>-- 
>
>
>Tom Schmidlin       DEEP THOUGHTS: By Jack Handey - I wish a robot would
>TES0@LEHIGH.EDU         get elected president.  That way, when he came
>215-758-0875            to town, we could all take a shot at him and not
>                        feel too bad.

Here's some others:
Talk to Ralph on the China mic.
Selling Buicks and Oldsmobiles (Sound of BU iI CK)
Making chowder
Feeding the fish (Great if your near the water)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Subject: Re: Trade with me for the G.G.B.J. (Re: G.G.B.J.)
Reply-To: record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Organization: LMSC, Sunnyvale, California
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 92 00:29:19 GMT

>>	I have the GGBJ online, and I don't get a NO CARRIER signal
>	when I post to usenet...... But I need a copy of the 
>	pickle-slicer joke in exchange. It was almost as
>	good as the (now infamous) ggbj, and I need the set up for
>	the joke...... I know the punchline, but can't remember the
>	set-up........
>
>	So, here is the deal, send me the pickle-slicer joke and I will 
>	e-mail the GGBJ.........
>
>	Prem!
> ==============================================================================
 You may or may not have THE infamous GGBJ on line but I think the
pickle slicer joke is worth sharing:

  This fellow was always telling his wife that he had this strange
attraction to the pickle slicer down at the plant.  The wife asks 
him about the attraction and he said, "Well, I don't know but 
I would just love to slip my dick into that pickle slicer." 

  One day the fellow comes home with a big smile on his face.  
His wife asked why he was home early.  He said, "Well I finally
slipped my dick into the pickle slicer and it was worth it."

  "Worth what," she asked.  

  "Well, I got fired because of it." he replied.

  "Oh, no.  That's terrible....what happened to the pickle-slicer?"

  "Oh, she got fired too."
From: bmcnulty@OAVAX.CSUCHICO.EDU (BOB MCNULTY)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: DOGS
Date: 17 Nov 92 19:19:50 GMT
Reply-To: bmcnulty@OAVAX.CSUCHICO.EDU
Organization: California State University, Chico
NNTP-Posting-Host: oavax.csuchico.edu


	Joe, a duck hunter wanted toget a good dog to help him get some ducks
so he wnnt to see Jim.  
	"Jim have you got a dog for me?"
	"Well, Joe I've just got this one dog left but he's a good dog and I
want $5,000 for him."
	Joe thought that was a dell of a lot of money for a dog and insisted 
that before he spent that kind of money he had to see the dog perform.  Jim
insisted the dog was worth every penny and took Joe and the dog to a nearby 
lake.
	"Go find the ducks Butch!", Jim said to his dog.  5 minutes later
the dog comes back, stands pointing to the southwest corner of the lake and
barks once.  
	"What does that mean?" Joe asked.
	"Well, there's one duck in the southeast corner of the lake", replied
Jim.  They both went to check it out and sure enough there was one duck just
where jim said, so they went to another lake and Jim lets the dog out again- 
"go find ducks Butch!"
	Butch comes back, stands pointing NW, barks onec, pauses and then barks
again.
	"What does that mean?" Says Joe
	"There's one duck in the NW corner of the lake and a little further out
there is another duck.  After checking it out and finding it was true Hoe just
couldn't believe it and bought Butch right awaY.

	Next weekent one the advice of some working buddies, Joe goes to a lake
that is supposed to be really good for ducks .......
	"go find ducks Butch"
5 minutes later Butch comes back with a hard-on and wagging his head around
with a branch in his mouth.  Must have found a female companion out there, Joe
thinks so Hoe sends Butch out again but get's the same response so he goes back
to see Jim.
	"Jim I wnat my money back, Butch doesn't work for me"
	"What do mean?"Asks Joe.
Jim tells Joe what happened and Joe replies




"Its not Butch's fault, you just gotta know how to read your dog.

		He's trying to tell you that there's more fucking ducks out
there than you can shake a stick at!"

        ////////      "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition
       (       )        from mediocre minds."   
        \ @ @ /                          A. Einstein
-------w---U---w----
Bob McNulty, CA. STATE UNIV., CHICO
BMCNULTY@OAVAX.CSUCHICO.EDU
From: j_manes@vger.nsu.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: You are as funny as....
Date: 22 Nov 92 10:43:02 EDT

In article <Bxtnn5.Eqt@wang.com>, dbushong@wang.com (Dave Bushong) writes:
> Please follow up:
> 
> You are as funny as...
> 
			bubblegum in the lockjaw ward
			a roomful of dead babies on Mother's Day

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jcoper@ccu.umanitoba.ca (D. Joseph Creighton)
Subject: Re: Green Golf Ball Joke
Organization: University of Manitoba, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 18:48:44 GMT

In article <Bxzyt0.2Ly@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> rhino@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Lothar of the Hill People) writes:
>In article <1992Nov20.020334.29061@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> kstrohm@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Kyle W Strohm) writes:
>>    Ok...I've got it.  Somebody give me the joke in morse code....
>... --.-.  .-.---.-.   -.-.- -.-. ---. -.-. -. -. -.-.-.-.- .-. -. . ... -.
.--..- -..- -.- --..- --- .-. --.  .-...  -...-. -. .-.---.. .--.-.-.-

Nope, sorry, won't do for us compter literates.  I want to see this joke in an
8-bit binary code, with 1 stop bit, 2 start bits, even parity, and.........
at 300 baud.

I can't read that fast.  :)
---
     "Slow down faster!" - my wife, Laurie, about my driving habits.
+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+
D. Joseph Creighton  <jcoper@ccu.umanitoba.ca> - U of M Computer Services
Newsgroups: rec.humor