From: jss@kepler.unh.edu (Spectre)
Subject: Re: Request shit list
Organization: University of No Holidays - UNH - East somewhere
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 22:47:37 GMT

And I have more!

                                SHIT HAPPENS

                         in various world religions
			---------------------------- 

 
TAOISM:		Shit happens.
		If you can shit, it isn't shit.

CONFUCIANISM: 	Confucious say, "Shit happens".
 
BUDDHISM:	If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
		Shit will happen again to you next time.

ZEN-BUDDHISM:	What is the sound of shit happening?

HINDUISM:	This shit has happened before.
		This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.

PROTESTANTISM:	If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
		Let shit happen to someone else.

CATHOLICISM:	If shit happens, you deserved it.

CHARISMATIC CATHOLICISM:
		Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you
		  anyway.

JUDAISM:	Why does shit always happen to US?

REFORM JUDAISM:	Got any laxatives?

ISLAM:		That shit happens is the will of Allah.
		If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

NEWAGE:		That's not shit, it's feldspar.
		A firm shit does not happen to me.
		This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
		I create my own shit.

EXISTENTIALISM:	Shit doesn't happen; shit is.

WICCA:		If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.

JEHOVAH's WITNESSES:
		No shit happens until Armaggedon.
		There is only a limited amount of good shit.

SECULAR HUMANISM:
		Shit evolves.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE:
		When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.

ATHEISM:	I don't believe this shit.
		It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going
		 to taste it.


RELIGION FROM AN ATHEIST'S POINT OF VIEW:
		I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's
		 shit.

RASTAFARIAN:	Let's roll that shit up and smoke it.

MORMON:		Hey, there's more shit over here!

Baptist:	You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.

UNITARIANISM:	Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.

IRAQI BAATHIST:	Oh shit!

VOODOO:		Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.

TELEVANGELISM:	Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop
		 happening.

AGNOSTICISM:	It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so
		 I'm not sure whether its shit or not.

===============================================================================

				SHIT HAPPENS

			    in other various ways	
			   -----------------------


YUPPIE SHIT:	It's my shit!  All mine!  Isn't it beautiful?

AN EMPLOYER:	Shit happens, and rolls down hill.

HEISENBERGISM:	Shit happened, we just don't know where.

NIXONISM:	Shit didn't happen, and if it did I din't know anything
		 about it.

McCARTHYISM:	Are you now, or have you ever been, shit?

COMMUNISM:	It's everybody's shit.

CAPITALISM:	Shit happens, and it'll cost you!

REALISM:	I think I need to take a shit.

===============================================================================
-- 
'The drunker I sit here, the longer I get'
|         Jeff Schreiber               | "The way to ski these things [moguls] |
|       jss@kepler.unh.edu             |  Is to go to total panic..............|
|    j_schreiber@unhh.unh.edu          |  Then....Back off." -Mike Hatrup      |
               My opinions are mine and only mine. I don't care 
               if they are wrong and you can't have them anyway!
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