From: uphrrmk@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Subject: the Anti-Jed
Reply-To: uphrrmk@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Organization: Montana State University
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1992 23:23:42 GMT

     Someone wrote me a wonderful letter asking me to tell the tale of the
anti-Jed.  Gather "round, keeds, 'Cos Auntie Maim has a story for you!

     It began at the University of Minnesota Campus, where Jed isn't seen
around much anymore.  Maybe he felt he couldn't tame this hotbed of
Homma-sexuals, pagans, hoodlums, and Wiiiild Rebels.  Maybe the Sister Cindy
Lookalike contest was partly responsible. Or maybe it was the anti-Jed.
     Rumors of the anti-Jed sprang up a few years ago,  When a few friends of
mine started their chapter of the Campus Crusade for Cthuhlu.(Remember, Keeds,
Cthuhlu Cthaves!)  This was the same year a guy stood in front of Coffman Union
giving $100 dollars to all the students there who were working their way
through college.  He was rumored to be the anti-Jed.  
     The anti-Jed was supposed to be the exact opposite of Brother Jed...kind,
tolerant, friendly,with a sense of humor and a penchant for worshipping street
meters and the odd Express Teller Machine.(put in your donation to the Money
God, fill out the Sacrifice forms, and if the Money God is pleased, he'll spit
out money for you.  If the Money God isn't pleased, he will chew up your card,
and never give it back.)  In fact, the anti-Jed was rumored to be several
people, just because there were reports of him EVERYWHERE.  People would follow
lines of chalk that connected into a huge pentacle with The anti-Jed standing
in the middle in bikini briefs, sunglasses, and usually holding discussions
about bisexuality in Congress, the proper sacrifices to the Killer Squirrels
who hung out near campus, (large, rude and scruffy beings, who insisted on
snacks.  Squirrel muggings were rumored in Northrup Mall, and they would
saunter into classrooms looking for food.  They were The anti-Jed's totem
animals.)  Sometimes Brother Jed would be haranguing a group of students, and
the most pointed, embarrasing questions would silence him for a couple of
minutes, or trip him into saying something insanely stupid.  We had no doubt it
was an Anti-Jed in one of his incarnations.For Example:
    The AJ:  If all americans worshipped Jesus, would all the dry oil wells
flow again?
    The Jed-a-roni: Yes, they would.
    AJ: So you're saying that God and Jesus is holding oil, and therefore our
economy hostage until every man, woman, and child is Born Again?
    Yes, the anti-Jed managed to make Brother Jed admit that God was an
Eco-terrorist.(Eco for economy and environment.)
     Sometimes Brother Jed would look haggard, gray faced and dull eyed.  We
hypothesized that the Anti-Jed must have been haunting his concience with
rationality, kindness, and other thoughts that were alien to his nature.  Not
long after, he left, and hasn't been seen for a few years now.  Probably for
easier prey--like the students of MSU in Montana, where I now live. Heh he hee.
     Though I can't be the dark and scruffy specter that the anti-Jed was back
home at the U of M, I can go on in the spirit he forged in us... This spring,
I'm going to mobilize somestreet theater, to be ready when Jed or his sidekicks 
appear to win the hearts of the poor kids here.  Elvis worship, with a
translator for Elvis-ese and Brother-Jed-ese.  The anti-Jed would have wanted
it that way.

                                    Ignorance and hate is fatal,
                                    La Mort.