From: jrs@netcom.com (John Switzer)
Subject: Unofficial Summary for Thu., April 9, 1992
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 15:44:07 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Keywords: Unofficial Summary Rush Limbaugh 

Unofficial Summary of the Rush Limbaugh Show

for Thursday, April 9, 1992

by John Switzer

NOTE: This is being posted to both alt.fan.rush-limbaugh and
alt.rush-limbaugh and thus you may see it twice if your sysadm
aliases the two newsgroups together. Since most sites don't
support both groups, this double-posting appears to be
unavoidable, however, if anyone has any ideas on how to avoid it,
please let me know. Thanks - jrs@netcom.com.

This unofficial summary is copyright (c) 1992 by John  Switzer.
All  Rights Reserved. Distribution of this unofficial summary to
other electronic forums and bulletin boards is highly encouraged.
Spelling and other corrections gratefully received.

Please read the standard disclaimer which was included with the
first summary for this month. In particular, please note that
this summary is not approved or sanctioned by Rush Limbaugh or
the EIB network, nor do I have any connection with them other as
a daily listener.

******************************************************************

April 9, 1992

MORNING UPDATE

Rush wants to offer an olive branch to the feminists, and so he
and EIB proudly announce - Feminazi Trading Cards!

<<Female voice>> I'll give you two Gloria Steinems for one Anita
Hill.

<<Narrator who's been doing too many Monster Truck and rodeo
commercials>> Trading cards have always been for males only. It's
just not fair. It's not right.

<<Female>> Damn, I spilled nail polish on my Betty Friedan.

<<Narrator>> Well, EIB is proud to introduce Feminazi Trading
Cards for you to save, to collect, to trade. Feminazi cards are
designed for the woman in mind. On the front, an action shot of a
leading feminist - burning a bra, dominating a TV show, picketing
an all-men's club, protesting a Rush Limbaugh concert, charging
into a men's locker room, denouncing Ronald Reagan.

<<Female>> I'll do anything for a Pat Schroeder.

<<Narrator>> On the back, all the vital statistics - bustline,
waist, hips, the documented age, the number of abortions, and
where applicable, the alimony payments and divorce settlements.
Each bio has at least one profound thought, and a beauty secret.
Get them all!
Each set includes not only today's feminazi superstars like Molly
Yard and Eleanor Smeal, but yesterday's heroes like Bella Abzug
and Gloria Steinem. Plus, outstanding rookies like Anita Hill and
Judge Hoerchner. Don't get left out, start collecting Feminazi
Trading Cards today! Another fine product of Ms. Carriage, Inc.

Rush adds that furthermore, each package of Feminazi Trading Cards 
comes with a surprise - a plug of chewing tobacco. "Get yours and a
Rush Relaxer today!"

FIRST HOUR

Items

o       The New York Mets are having their opening day tomorrow.
Because three of the Mets have been accused of rape, they are
having "Ladies Day - all women who show up with a grey or blue
dot on their face get in for half price."

o       A fan has sent Rush a "piece of art" - a model of an
outhouse that has a plaque which says "Rio Linda Privy." When you
open the door, you see that the outhouse is a "double decker."
Rush won't explain any more, but he is confident that his
audience can use their imaginations.

o       Rush saw "Phantom of the Opera" last night, and remarks
that it is "terrifyingly intense." Rush even got "misty-eyed"
during the show; of course, he was in the second row so he may
just have been getting hit by "stage spit." Rush had his first
experience with stage spit when he attended a Liza Minelli
concert. A theater friend of his told him that it was a sign of a
good performer. Rush, of course, engages in stage spitting
himself whenever he does a Rush to Excellence tour.

o       The Earth Summit is going to be held in Rio de Janeiro in
June, and Brazilian cops are sweeping kids off the street. Rush
suggests a solution to this problem - extradite Uncle Ed of
Philadelphia to Brazil. If Uncle Ed is let loose in Brazil, Rush
guarantees that the kids will voluntarily get off the streets.

o       Rush's Morning Update today has caused a "predictable
firebrand reaction from certain quarters." He says that "these
people cannot laugh at themselves." A bunch of "militant, angry,
radical women held a tea in Washington, DC." These women all
started screaming hysterically "we're fierce, we're feminist, and
we're in your face." Rush saw this on the news and noticed how
strident their tone was, and how they attacked many of the
institutions and values that have made America great.

Rush is simply trying to support the women's movement by offering
a product that is not available anywhere else - Feminazi Trading
cards. He replays his commercial for these cards, which are
nothing more than a "response to this cacophony of hysteria on
Sunday in our nation's Capitol."

Rush bets that the feminists are mad about his little commercial
because 1) he has "nailed it," 2) he's having fun while being
right, and 3) he's having a good laugh making fun of their
excesses.

*BREAK*

Rush starts the segment by talking about "big and important news
about fungus" but is interrupted by a recording from an old show
in which he praised broadcast engineer Tony Lo Bianco for
listening to his show even when he is not working at the EIB
studios. Rush wonders what the heck is going on and Lo Bianco
answers that he was only playing his own commercial.

Rush, in his best Molly Yard impression, states "I am outraged by
it." Rush, though, is stunned that his employee would interrupt
him on the air while he is speaking. Rush calls this "really
cheap" for Lo Bianco to play an excerpt which has Rush
complimenting him for doing a good job. Rush says that he would
never interrupt a talk show host who was going to start talking
about something important like "fungus."

Rush compares Lo Bianco's transgression to the time when Bo
Snerdley did a voice-over urging people to vote "yes" on one of
Rush's 900 polls. Rush applauds initiative and spontaneity, but
"this is unprofessional - you have interrupted me with me. And
the me that you interrupted me with was complimenting you."

Rush says that this is what happens when you grant employees
broad discretionary powers. Lo Bianco, however, proves Rush's
point by playing an excerpt in which Rush criticizes Lo Bianco
for not bringing in a Phil Collins tune. Rush is "stunned and
astounded" by this and asks if another engineer is available.

Rush apologizes to the audience because he had a "great story
about fungus," but no longer has time to do it. He gives Lo
Bianco one more chance, but promises to talk with him about it
later.

*BREAK*

Items

o       It's official - Paul Tsongas will not re-enter the
presidential primaries because he doesn't want to be a "spoiler."
Rush adds that New York had its lowest voter turnout in 12 years
- 27%. In spite of this lack of interest, the media acted as if
the primary was the only news worth reporting.

The exit polls from Tuesday's primary had 37% of voting Democrats
saying that they wished Mario Cuomo would enter the presidential
race. This is actually only 37% of the 27% of Democrats who
voted, and yet Cuomo is still the "darling of the media and the
savior of America." However, this figure is even less important
when compared to the figure of 66% of all voters Tuesday who
wished they could have voted for someone else.

o       General David Dinkins is upset at how "unfair" Jews are
being to Jesse Jackson; Dinkins is concerned because Jackson will
be one of his major supporters during his own re-election mayoral
race. Rush laughs and says how fun it is to watch the Democratic
party "fall apart."

o       Rush comments that he will talk more about fungus, but
repeats what he said in one of this week's Morning Updates - the
amount of foliage on the Earth is staying constant. In fact,
there are more trees in America now than there were 200 years
ago. In spite of shopping centers, homes, and other developments,
there are more trees now because man is around to protect and
replant them. When a forest fire was started by lightning in the
1700s, nothing could be done about it - vast acreage was
destroyed. Now, though, man can stop these fires and replant the
forests.

Phone   Susan from Fullerton, CA

Susan compliments Rush on being both informative and hilarious.
She does want to correct Rush, though - the song "Men" is not
sung by the Foster sisters, but by the Forrester sisters. Also,
Susan believes that the song was composed by a man. Rush says
that this is probably true, and it only shows that the left
cannot laugh at themselves; they also criticize anyone else who
dares to laugh. Rush won't stop laughing because laughing is a
good, healthy thing to do; he thanks Susan for calling.

Phone   Jackie from Port Charlotte, FL

Jackie suggests a book that can help Rush with understanding
women - "The Cinderella Complex" by Colette Dowling. The book
talks about women's fears about being independent, and Jackie is
using it as one of her sources for her sociology thesis. Jackie
thinks that feminist organizations like NOW give women an outlet
for their screaming, anger, and frustration, but they don't deal
with the problem that women want to be independent, but are
afraid of being independent.

Rush says that his life would certainly "bear out these
theories." He thanks Jackie for calling and for her suggestion.
Rush comments that he was criticized by a female friend of his
who lives in his apartment building for his comments or his idea
of an ideal woman. Rush's neighbor said that he was being totally
unrealistic and ridiculous; after all this, though, the woman
asked Rush out to dinner, which has not helped him at all in
understanding the fairer sex.

*BREAK*

Phone   John from Albuquerque, NM

John is a young conservative going to the University of NM;
William F. Buckley spoke recently at the university and he was
asked about why Rush wasn't seen more in his magazine, National
Review. Buckley answered that Rush did not seem to consider
himself to be a "political philosopher," nor had Buckley seen any
manuscripts from Rush. However, Buckley said he would eagerly
consider any such manuscripts that Rush might want to send.

John is concerned about all of the Reagan-bashing that goes on in
his school, and he does not feel that he's able to refute any of
these things. For example, one of his teachers is having him read
"The Education of David Stockman" by William Grider, which seems
to be nothing but Reagan-bashing. John doesn't feel that he has
any of the knowledge or sources necessary to challenge his
teacher on these issues.

Similarly, he wants to debate activists who make claims about
global warming and ozone holes, but he doesn't have any sources.
Rush tells him that Dr. Dixie Lee Ray's book "Trashing the
Planet" is a good place to start to get information on the
environment. Ray's book is heavily footnoted and is a good source
for further sources.

Also, Pat Michaels is a professor and researcher in
Charlottesville, SC, and he routinely refutes the environmental
socialists' claims. Rush says that there is ozone depletion over
the Arctic circle, although there is thinning. The problem is
that man hasn't been studying this for long enough to know
whether this thinning is the result of natural cycles, or the
result of man's activities. Ultraviolet radiation is decreasing,
however, over much of the globe, which would indicate that ozone
is increasing.

John also would like to know some sources for the truth about the
Reagan administration, and in particular about Reaganomics; he is
constantly being taught that Reagan's policies benefited only the
rich and that Reagan was responsible for the deficit. Rush says
that people like Grider use figures from the Congressional Budget
Office (CBO), which is supposedly a bipartisan institution.
However, the CBO is controlled by the majority party in the
House, and so any of its figures will be skewed to favor the
Democratic party agenda.

Ed Rubenstein has also been talking about this for some time in
National Review; John should get back issues of the magazine and
look for his columns. These issues are available on-line from
CompuServe. Also, Paul Craig Roberts is another economist worth
reading; Roberts has written two columns recently for National
Review. The column in the March 30th issue talks about how the
1986 Tax Act is the real cause of our currently depressed
economy.

However, common sense can also be used to refute a lot of these
charges, and Rush will give some examples after the break.

*BREAK*

Phone   John from Albuquerque, NM (continued)

Rush says that the highest Reagan deficit was about $200 million,
and it was constantly criticized as being the single greatest
threat to the United States. Now, however, the US has a $400
million deficit, which came after a major tax increase. Now if
Reagan's 1981 tax cuts really caused his deficits, why did a tax
increase make it worse? Also, if someone blames the tax cuts for
deficits, then what they are saying is that it's really the fault
of the American people for not paying enough in taxes.

Rush thinks that this is a hard argument to support. If liberals
then try to blame the rich for not paying enough in taxes, then
why do Democrats admit that 22% of all federal taxes are paid by
the upper 1% of wage-earners? The Democrats admit that the rich
are paying more in taxes then ever, even though they have lower
rates. Rush suggests that John look for Dixie Lee Ray's book and
back-issues of the National Review to get further supporting
evidence.

*BREAK*

SECOND HOUR

Items

o       Rush wonders why Bo Snerdley is so excited about the news
that Queen Nefertari's 3200-year old tomb in Egypt is being re-
opened. Bo points out that the newspaper reports that the tomb's
splendor is "unmatched," and he calls the story "big news."

o       Today's Wall Street Journal has an ad which shows a
picture of a white rat. The caption of the ad says "Some people
just see a rat. We see a cure for cancer." The ad was put out by
Americans for Medical Progress Educational Foundation/Research
Saves Lives. Rush is all for this group - "absolutely, 10-4,
hunky-dory, right-in-there, right-on mama."

Rush suggests that rain forest proponents create their own ad
with a picture of Brazil - "some people see rain forest, we see a
cure for cancer." Or perhaps "some people see furniture and new
homes, we see an end to capitalism."

Rush decides to continue on with his environmental news because
he is tired of people telling him about Paul Harvey's comment
that trees in Europe are growing faster because of the pollutants
in the air. This is true, but there's more to this issue. First,
Rush does not believe that 40 million acres of rain forest are
being chopped down each year; this is an area that is four times
the size of Switzerland, and is pretty hard to believe.

However, even given this "fact," Paul Quay of the University of
Washington at Seattle has done research that indicates that the
amount of vegetative matter on Earth has remained constant, in
spite of this loss of the rain forest. The loss in the southern
hemisphere is being balanced out by the growth of trees and such
in the northern hemisphere.

Rush prepares himself for an increase in hate mail since he is
talking about "science," but he continues on anyway. He states
that Mother Nature and the Earth are far "more powerful than
humanity and far more powerful than the sum total of all living
organisms." It is absurd to believe that man can destroy this
planet which has survived incredible assaults for billions of
years.

Volcanos spew out far more pollutants into the atmosphere than
does man. It is natural to assume that if an essential part of
nature is interrupted (such as the elimination of trees in one
part of the world which in turn reduces that area's ability to
convert carbon dioxide into oxygen), that Nature will compensate
elsewhere.

Quay has also found that man-made pollution contains nitrogen
which helps accelerate the growth of trees. The Earth and its
eco-systems are larger than man can comprehend right now; you
certainly cannot make a 50-year prediction about the Earth on the
basis of one NASA-sponsored plane flight.

Rush thinks that it is only common-sense to think that the Earth
will still be around in ten years, and Rush is offended by the
vanity of those who think that man can possibly destroy this
planet which has outlasted us by eons.

*BREAK*

Paul Quay's research and conclusions are detailed in the current
issue of Science magazine. Rush adds that if the Earth is
permanently losing vegetative matter such as the 40 million acres
of rain forest as activists claim, then there should be a marked
increase in carbon dioxide. However, this is not happening, so
this carbon dioxide is being converted to oxygen somehow; this
anomaly is what prompted Quay's study.

Every week the United Nations releases yet another "crisis
report" - ozone depletion affects AIDS patients the most, or top
soil is being lost and famine is imminent. Each report demands
that "we act now!" and each report has the same solution - the
United States and other western nations must cough up hundreds of
billions of dollars to fund developing countries' research.

For example, the United Nations just released a report that
stated as fact that speeding up the ban on ozone-destroying
chemicals would prevent an additional 4.5 million cases of skin
cancer and 150,000 cases of blindness. Just two weeks, though,
these figures were 3 million cases of skin cancer and 300,000
cases of blindness.

This is nothing more than a "global scheme to equalize the
world's resources" and to punish the United States for its
prosperity. It is an attempt to turn the entire world into a
welfare beneficiary, with the United States paying the bills. The
United States is criticized for using 25% of the world's
resources, while having only 4% of the world's population. Yet
the US uses those resources to feed the world, to invent the
technology that the world uses, and to defend the world.

These socialists seem to think the United States is an
"ineffective wasteland." If this is true then why does everyone
still want to come here?

Phone   Linda from Baton Rouge, LA

Linda thinks Rush's name is perfect, and she wonders how he got
it. Rush says that his mom and dad "got together on it," to which
Linda remarks that Rush's mother must have been "raped." Rush
admits that both he and his brother are the "product of rape."
Linda says that she has two children, and that two rapes
occurred, but it was her husband who was the victim.

Rush says that this is Katherine McKinnon's thesis - all sex is
rape, because men use their power, even in surreptitious ways,
over women to make them think that they are in love. Linda,
though, says that since she is the female, she is the
manipulator. Rush takes a moment to wonder what people who are
tuning into his show for the first time are thinking about all of
this talk about "rape."

Linda wants to know where the United Nations and other
environmental activists get their information. Rush says that
this does not even matter - just look at the numbers. For
example, homeless advocate Mitch Snyder claimed that 45 homeless
people died every second, which if true would mean that 26
million die every year. Nobody challenges the absurdity of these
numbers; people accept them as fact without argument.

Rush says that he and EIB should make up some numbers about how
many people tune into EIB every minute. He could just make up
some numbers, and since nobody else is being asked to prove their
numbers, Rush wouldn't have to prove his either.

*BREAK*

The official numbers are in - 25,304 new people tune into EIB
each and every minute.

Phone   Linda from Baton Rouge, LA (continued)

Rush thinks that he should perhaps explain his comments about how
his mother was "raped" so that new listeners understand what he
is talking about. He explains that his show likes to show the
absurdity of some situations by being absurd. Katherine McKinnon
is a feminist who teaches her college students that all sex is
rape; even when the woman is willing, sex is still rape because
it's all part of the same process of men dominating and
controlling women. Thus, Rush has been asking women callers who
have children how long ago they were "raped." He is glad that
Linda is a regular listener and understood what he was trying to
do.

Linda gives "major, major, Cunas dittos from the swamplands of
Louisiana." Rush isn't sure what Linda said, and talks to her off
the air so he can find out; the EIB staff plays the Feminazi
Trading Cards commercial while he satisfies his curiosity. When
Linda comes back on the air she states that she is proud to be a
"Cunas Cajun."

Linda first wants to talk about Magic Johnson's "chosen by God"
comment. If Johnson is such a hero because he has been chosen by
God to have AIDS, then why doesn't society find the woman who
gave Johnson the disease and make a heroine out of her as well?
Rush likes the idea and comments "you Cunasses are thinkers." He
tells Linda that her idea is a "direct offshoot of the effect
this show has had on you," and Linda replies "exactly."

Linda also wants to suggest that Rush should package a strip of
fruit roll-ups instead of chewing tobacco with his Feminist
Trading Cards. Linda thinks that this compressed sheet of fruit
would be a good idea; Rush says that he will add her suggestion
to the list of items that have been mentioned.

Rush says that this has been his first conversation with a
"Cunas," and then decides to explain what it is. Linda doesn't
care what other people think about it, because if they don't like
it, then they can stay away from her and her bayou. Rush says
that a "Cunas" is a Cajun who comes from Sicily and France. Lo
Bianco has some Sicilian blood and he wonders if he is a Cunas,
too. Rush doubts it because "there's nothing French about you."
Before Lo Bianco can reply, however, Rush quickly says "don't say
it! Don't say anything!"

Rush goes back to Linda's point about Magic Johnson - Johnson has
been called a hero because he has gotten AIDS. Johnson got the
virus from a woman, but has also claimed that he feels he was
chosen by God to get AIDS so that he could be a role model for
other people. If this is true, then who is the real hero -
obviously, it is the woman who gave Johnson the disease in the
first place. If she didn't get the disease, then Johnson wouldn't
have gotten it either.

Of course, "God works in strange ways," and the woman may be
worth only an honorable mention. What about the person who gave
it to her? Rush wonders where all this would stop, and decides
not to go back any further because the farther back you go, the
"more ridiculous it sounds, which is the point."

*BREAK*

Phone   Scott from Ulysses, KS

Scott gives "secession dittos," and Rush remarks that he just
read that 7 Kansas counties voted to secede from their state.
Scott says that people in these counties are upset that a lot of
their tax dollars and natural resources are being exported back
East. Scott, though, wants to "explain" to Rush the difference
between men and women - women operate on emotion while men use
logic. This is not how it works all the time, but it is a good,
basic rule.

As an example, he mentions the Baby Theresa case in Florida -
Scott's wife thought that it was a terrible thing that the judge
wouldn't allow the baby (who was born without a complete brain)
to be declared brain-dead so that its organs could be harvested
to help other babies. Scott agreed that this case was a terrible
thing, but he doesn't think that the judge should have turned his
back on established laws and guidelines.

Rush thinks Scott may have a point - Rush once had a female
caller who was upset because she couldn't deduct her credit card
interest any more. Rush tried to tell her that this shouldn't be
her focus, but he was later criticized for not being
compassionate enough to the woman. He does think men and women do
reason in different ways.

Scott says that his wife definitely has a different point of view
about Mick from New Mexico who kills and eats the puppies that
are abandoned by tourists who are travelling through his state.
His wife thinks this is horrible, but Scott thinks it's great
that Mick doesn't have to buy hamburger when he can kill an
animal that's going to die anyway.

Rush says that this is why he jokes about "feminine logic" - men
and women tend to reason differently, and Rush sometimes can't
understand things that often seem quite clear to women. He thinks
this difference in point of view is funny, and thus he jokes
about it.

For example, as a general rule, the most important thing to most
women is their relationship, while to men the most important
thing is their career. Women often complain that their husbands
and boyfriends does not pay enough attention to them. This is a
natural difference between men and women, and it has been
excellently discussed by George Gilder in his book "Men and
Marriage."

But this stuff is arguable, and there are no hard and fast rules.
Above all, it is not something that people should get mad about
and lose sleep over.

*BREAK*

Phone   Sammy from Webster, NY

Sammy has voted in his last Democratic primary because he is
going to re-register. Sammy does have one criticism, though -
both Democrats and Republicans sometimes come across as "pompous"
in their belief that they have all the answers, and Rush replies
"yeah, I know what you mean." Sammy thinks that this type of
attitude is self-defeating.

Rush tells him that conservatives feel self-confident because
they believe that the individual can triumph without government
help as long as the government doesn't shackle him with
regulations and such. Liberals, though, think that people are
idiots who can't survive without big government's help.
"Conservatism rebels against that."

*BREAK*

THIRD HOUR

Items

o       Rush must tell a "gut-wrenching, stomach-turning" story -
he's waited until the Rush Rooms in the Eastern time zone have
shut down, and Western Rush Rooms haven't opened yet; Central
time zone listeners are on their own, however. A Lake Ronkonkoman
man is suing the McDonalds restaurant at Hauppauge for selling
him a "McMouse" sandwich instead of a "McRib" sandwich on Nov.
13, 1989. The man took a bite of the sandwich, didn't like the
taste, and opened the sandwich to find the hind legs of a mouse.
He is suing McDonalds for a $1 million. Rush says that the owner
of McDonalds contributes to the Democratic party, "so what can
you expect?"

o       In a truly remarkable coincidence, the Food and Drug
Administration says that it will test a "fleshy object" found by
Jonathan Freed in a bottle of V-8 vegetable juice. Rush starts
laughing so hard that he has to turn away from the mike. Freed,
of Kalamazoo, MI, found the object last week while he was
visiting in-laws in Virginia. Campbell Soup says that the object
is a "common mold" which grew over a period of several days after
the bottle was opened. Freed disagrees and wants more tests.

Rush says that anything is possible and mentions the giant fungus
that was found recently - according to Rush's latest information,
this fungus was planted by "ancient Egyptian and tribal
Africans."

o       Leona Helmsley, who has been sentenced to jail for tax
evasion has received unsolicited support from convicted murderer
Jean Harris. Harris claims that Helmsley could do more good out
of prison than in, possibly by funding a number of Head Start day
care centers. Rush says that there are maximum fines on crimes,
but perhaps Helmsley could change bed pans for eight hours a day.

o       Slick Willie Clinton marched alongside striking
Caterpillar workers yesterday in Peoria, IL. Rush points out that
if a husband and wife were both working for Caterpillar and
accepted their latest offer, they would be making a combined
income in excess of $75,000 a year. Yet who does Clinton think
are the rich? Those who make more than $75,000 or so a year.

Clinton is from a right-to-work state, and yet is trying to get
these strikers' support. Rush advises the striking workers to "go
back to work." Clinton, though, told the workers that he would
sign a bill that prohibits companies from permanently replacing
striking workers. This, to Rush, would have the federal
government going way too far in interfering with the way American
business is run.

Clinton's doctor is also telling him to stop speaking for a few
days because Clinton is close to suffering permanent voice
damage. Rush thinks that this is a great idea since it seems that
Democratic candidates start getting a lot more support when they
close their mouths. Tsongas is a prime example - he's getting
more support than he ever did now that he's stopped promising
everybody the moon.

Rush comments that when the US economy starts going bad, voters
have tended to vote conservative - this is what happened in 1980
when interest rates were 20%, there was double-digit
unemployment, and 14% inflation. When the economy was going well,
though, in 1984 and 1988 the people stayed with whom they had -
Reagan and Bush. The Democrats are playing right into this by
making all of their "miraculous" promises and claims; the people
don't want to hear this kind of thing.

This is a moot point, however, since the economy is already
coming back on its own, without any help from the Democrats or
Republicans. Democrats should realize this and just shut up for a
while; Tsongas is showing them what they should do.

o       Mother Theresa has asked Governor Pete Wilson of
California to show "clemency" to Robert Alton Harris, who is
scheduled to die in the gas chamber on April 21st. Harris has
used up all of his appeals, and unless Wilson comes to his
rescue, he will be the first person executed in California in 25
years. Californians strongly support the death penalty, and this
was one of the main reasons they voted out state Supreme Court
justice Rose Bird <<who was appointed by Jerry Brown>>.

Rush has been attacked on CompuServe for being against abortion
but for the death penalty. Rush answers that there is no
comparison between the two - an unborn baby is the essence of
innocence, while someone like Harris has gone through so many
appeals that there can be no doubt about his guilt.

*BREAK*

Rush announces that "rich Dick Rich" of the EIB marketing arm has
given him a note saying that a drug company is very interested in
Rush's Feminazi Trading Cards; the company wants to use the cards
as premiums for their "Testosterone for Women" and "Anabolic
Steroids for Activists" products. Rich recommends that "we be
greedy. Keep the trading cards until we skim the easy profits
off." Rush agrees with that decision, but while he is laughing,
he admits that he probably "needs some serious couch time."

Phone   Eric from Omaha, NB

Eric gives some suggestions for Bill Clinton's presidential
cabinet:

o       Chief of Staff and Vice President is Hillary Clinton.

o       Health and Human Services would be run by Barney Frank.

o       Secretary of Defense would be Ted Kennedy "because he's
always on the defense and he knows what that's like."

o       Secretary of the Treasury would be Thomas Foley, "who
seems to be able to keep his own bank book intact."

o       Secretary of the Interior and HUD would be Bob Kerrey
because he would be able to keep all of the light bulbs going.

Rush says that EIB will work on these suggestions, but tells Eric
that he should "leave this to the professionals next time."

*BREAK*

Items

o       Chicago radio station WLS took a poll of its listeners as
to whether they'd prefer to have Bill Clinton or John Gotti as
President. Gotti won by a landslide - 86% to 14%. Chicago voters
evidently felt that "John Gotti was more level-headed and honest
than Slick Willie." Rush adds that many of those in the Chicago
Democratic machine don't like Clinton because they are afraid
he's going to continue to have one explosive scandal after
another.

o       Rush will be Phil Donahue's guest on Monday. This show
will be aired live in New York, but may be delayed on tape in the
rest of the country. On Tuesday, Rush will also do a show with
John McLaughlin; this show won't be aired for a while because
Rush "is in a media blitz." He tells the "young, perspiring radio
performers" who might be in the audience that all of this
attention is not the result of some EIB publicist, but rather
because Rush is a genuine success. Thus, the attention is
"genuine and deserved, although a bit overdue."

o       A new technique for cleaning up oil spills promises to
clean up Valdez-size oil spills in a matter of days for a
fraction of the cost. The new method was disclosed yesterday at a
meeting of the American Chemical Society in San Francisco. The
technique was developed by University of Texas researchers, and
uses hollow, chemical-coated glass beads which are about the
diameter of a human hair; these beads react with sunlight to make
the oil water-soluble, after which the seals dissolve into sand-
like particles. The product may be available by the mid-1990s
after FDA approval.

Phone   Charlie from Baton Rouge, LA

Charlie thinks that Rush's idea of a new national symbol - a
mother pig with piglets - is lacking a few important steps.
Rush's symbol doesn't show all of the middlemen and professional
lobbyists who do the suckling for their clients. Rush says that
this is true and that he will have to include these
intermediaries on his line of suckling pig T-shirts.

Thus, the symbol will now include an emaciated sow with shrunken
nipples, a bunch of equally emaciated piglets, plus the
"professional milkers." Rush, though, realizes that he will have
to put in some more thought on this topic, but does decide to
call his T-shirt series the "Teats of the Months Club."

*BREAK*

Rush comments that Shaquille O'Neal, a basketball player at
Louisiana State University, is being praised as a "second Wilt
Chamberlin." Rush comments that if O'Neal really wants to follow
in Wilt's footsteps, "he better get some dates quick."

Because he's gotten so many requests, Rush replays his Feminazi
Trading Cards commercial, followed by the song "Men."

*BREAK*

Phone   Joe from San Diego, CA

Joe was mulling over the conversation that Rush had last hour
about Magic Johnson. He thinks that if Magic Johnson was truly
chosen by God to get AIDS so that he might instruct the masses,
then the woman who gave him the disease could very well have been
a virgin; thus, it could be said that Johnson was the victim of
an "Immaculate Infection."

Rush says that he was thinking about something like this, but
simply didn't have the guts to say it. As long as Joe has
broached the subject, though, Rush thinks that he will go ahead
and use it for one of his morning updates. He asks Joe for
permission, but the ever-efficient Lo Bianco has already hung up
on Joe. Rush is certain, though, that Joe said "yes."

Phone   Stan from Highpoint, NC

Stan is upset because Joe has stolen his idea about the
"Immaculate Infection." Rush says that if the feminazis were
upset about his Feminazi Trading Card bit, then they are going to
be rabid about this one. Stan, though, also wants to tell Rush
that he appreciates how Rush gives callers a chance to speak and
state their opinions, unlike other hosts such as Larry King.

Stan has one question, though - "what was that lady screeching
about? We're fierce, we're feminists, we're on your what?" Rush
quickly tells him that the slogan ends with "in your face," and
admonishes him "don't give us any more trouble on this, Stan,
than we've already got." Rush comments that feminists are so
upset with his little bits are because "a) it's right, b) it
makes fun at them, and c) we're having fun with it."

-- 
John Switzer-Hoek          | "You hear it, you see it, 
(note yuppy hyphenation)   | you want to turn away, but 
74076.1250@Compuserve.com  | you CAN'T! It's Ren and Stimpy!"
jrs@netcom.com             | Happy, Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy, Joy!