From: scottk@cs.umd.edu (Scott King Walker)
Newsgroups: alt.adoption,talk.abortion
Subject: Better Choices -- Adoption is an answer
Summary: includes story of Karla and Matthew.
Date: 17 Nov 92 19:56:53 GMT
Followup-To: alt.adoption
Organization: U of Maryland, Dept. of Computer Science, Coll. Pk., MD 20742

In article <1992Nov17.031420.13061@rs6000.cmp.ilstu.edu> ejhupper@rs6000.cmp.ilstu.edu (Eric Huppertz) writes:

[much valuable deleted]

>I can't understand why all these people who stamp their feet and
>scream about the horrors of abortion don't switch their tactics and
>turn their efforts toward encouraging adoption as an alternative to
>abortion.  Nobody would publicly discourage such a campaign, 
>especially if it were handled as well as Nancy Reagan's "Just Say
>No to Drugs" or MTV's "Rock the Vote."

Wow, what a breath of fresh air.  I have been suggesting to people
for some time an organization that I would like to create, but of
course I don't have time for.  "Better Choices".  The organization 
would be commited to reducing the number of "neccessary" abortions
by providing better alternatives.  By staying out of the pro-choice
pro-life controversy all together, maybe something could be done.

Let me explain my own connection to adoption.  *deep breath*

Over a year ago, my girlfriend Karla gave birth to a beautiful baby
boy Matthew.  I did not yet have the honor of knowing Karla, and so
(obviously) Matthew is not my son.  Karla arranged to have Matthew
adopted by a family in the suburbs of an urban area a few hours from
her home town.

Karla's was an "open adoption".  When she described this to me, it made
more sense than almost anything I had ever heard before.  Basically,
the points that I remember:
1) Karla and the parents can exchange letters and packages through
the adoption agency.  Karla did not know exactly where the parents
lived.
2) The parents were responsible for sending pictures and status 
reports of various kinds at least once a year.  This was slightly
more often for the first year.
3) Upon reaching his 21st birthday, Matthew's entire adoption file
will be completely opened to him, and he will have the right to 
contact Karla if he so desires.
4) Karla had the right to "close" the adoption records at any time
up until their disclosure to Matthew at 21... though she vowed never
to do so.

Given the circumstances (Karla was 17 when the child was conceived, and
a sophomore in a state college) this seems to be the best solution for`
all involved.  (For various reasons it was not possible or appropriate
for Karla's family to be involved.  There were REASONS she was in 
college at 15, in addition to just the fact that she is horribly
bright.)

Karla gave to Matthew the life that she wanted for him to be able to
have... even though she couldn't share it with him.  I am very proud
of Karla for being able to make this decision, and not take the
"easy" way out.  I expressed this to Karla on several occasions,
and I think that it added to her happiness greatly.  Her family,
always abusive, DID give her a hard time for having an adoption,
something that I have never been able to understand... though I 
suppose it is easier to deal with than OTHER things that they did.

>The one thing I absolutely cannot fathom is this society's intolerance
>toward giving a child up for adoption, 

Yes, really.

>Is there anyone out there who has experienced the same attitude toward
>adoption that I have?  And doesn't it seem that the anti-abortion
>faction would probably serve their own interests best by campaigning
>in favor of better support for pregnant girls  to choose adoption? 

Anyway, I am in favor of your idea, how do we make it work?
Do you like my name for the organization?  

Pardon me everyone, But I need to finish Karla and Matthew's 
story... and my story also.  I wrote here because I need some
feedback on something.

====

Karla died September 25th of blood clots in her lungs.  I want to 
try to keep in touch and do something for Matthew.  I would like
to send to Matthew at least a little bit of the love that Karla
wanted to share with him.  I am uncertain how to do this.  I know 
that the first step is to contact the lady at the adoption agency
who handled all of this for Karla.  She and I met at the funeral...
she and Karla became very close...  Anyway, I just want someone
to help me figure out what appropriate role I might find.  

My biggest concern is that I don't want to interfere in any way with
how the kid is supposed to grow up.  I am resigned to the fact that
we won't meet AT LEAST until he is 21, and then only if he wants it.

I just want to do something.  I know that Karla made a point to send
Christmas and birthday presents to him through the agency.  This is
a start at least.  *sigh*

I know that what I am doing is trying to find a more physical part
that is left of Karla, because I miss her very much.  She IS with
me, always.  I think that I just want to turn this love that I feel
for her into something positive... for myself, and for others... 
possibly, hopefully, including Matthew.

$----------------------------------------------------------------@
The Name is King, but "Your Majesty" will do just fine, thank you!
Scott King Walker  <--  scottk@cs.umd.edu  <--  scottk@eng.umd.edu
Blessed Be the World.  Merry Meet,  Merry Part,  Merry Meet Again. 
And just WHO is this "Merry" person anyway?  Blessed Be the Earth.
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Newsgroups: talk.abortion