From: DeadHead@cup.portal.com (Bruce M Ong)
Newsgroups: ba.singles
Subject: Re: We can kill that thread for you, wholesale
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 18:27:00 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
Distribution: ba

>In ba.singles, DeadHead@cup.portal.com (Bruce M Ong) writes:
>
>   >>shouldn't we separate the never marrieds from the
>   >>widows from the quadruple divorces, etc. ? 
>
> >that question sounds a bit accusatorial. It's like you are guilty of
> >something if you are not married or have never been married. It's interestin
g
> >how the society sees marriage as a "success story" of some sort, and divorce
> >or being single as "failures."
>
>I find it interresting too.  Some people never marry by choice, some stay
>married eventhough the marriage is a total failure, etc.  

	I have seen too many cases from both scenarios... and the totally
negative energy that clouds the marriage. It doesnt give a single person
any warm fuzzies, looking at those kind of marriages. However, I have also
seen the kind of marriage that works so well that I am almost *envious* 
of them, wishing I had the same.

> The
>'failures' are those people who are terribly unhappy with whatever state
>they are in (job, relationship, location, whatever) and are doing nothing to
>rectify the situation.

	You mean the whiners on usenet? ;-)

>I do not understand why success = money, marriage, children when happiness
>could just as easily = low paying job (maybe artist?), single, childless for
>some person.  

	This may sound terribly cliche (and like a broken record), but I feel
that the corporate infrastructure that has been in existence in this country
since the Mayflower Journey -- and possibly before that, the protestant
"work ethic" that came with the settlers, and beyond that -- the rise of the
judeo-christian religious thought (cf: order to 'multiply' in the Bible) have
deeply engrained themselves into the collective consciousness of the people
in this society. I am not saying that this only happens in america -- Being
originally from China, I can tell you that in that culture, too,  marriage
and children are considered signs of success and divorce is considered a 
terrible shame that can only be talked about in hushed-up voices behind
the backs of those involved --the chinese culture, too, is heavily patriarchal.

	Seems that the patriarchy (or the power that be) is more interested
in keeping the status quo than to allow the individual to experience life
via his or her own happy means. The corporate infrastructure, being the
representative of the patriarchy and having an intense interest in continued
influx of consumers and a labor force that does not want to lift the curtain
of the theatrial play of the  infrastructure's human tragedy (tragedy in both
the lost human potential, and the obliteration of the individual's right
in being able to define his or her own happiness), has set up hoops after
hoops for the consumers and the labor force to jump through -- hoops like
education, career, marriage, children, money, etc., so that the infrastructure
is guaranteed of its support base and survival with these cookie-cutter
produced individuals.

	[Well. tell me I am off on a tangent... I really dont want to argue
about it too much. I hate thinking]

>Our society is easing up on these rules but we have a long way to go.  I have
>always wanted to be a mother and enjoyed it a lot but I also know it is not
>for everyone and am quite pleased with people who choose not to pursue it --
>they are much more a success in my book than the people who are not the parent
>type but have kids anyway. 

	Well, if people dont become parents, then that's just too subversive!
You are not married, you are not a parent, you are financially stable enough
so that you do not FEAR for how you would support your family and your
children. In that scenario you have plenty o time on your hands not to have
to worry about survival but to question the status quo. The Masslow's (sp)
pyramid theory holds true here, I am afraid. They dont want you to
have the time to contemplate your navel, think about the issues of
culture, politics (in america the latest political battle is not fought
over *real* politics but rather the 'economy' please note), etc. They would
rather you worry about your survival so much that you dont have time to 
think of anything else.

	Anyways. I am afraid I have said too much here. But it's such a 
waste not to do a ":w!" and post it. I spent time on this thing.  I think
my theories may be a bit 'stretched' but hey, it's just how I see it right now.

[I dont know why I wrote all that. Maybe it's because somebody I know OD'ed
on drugs tuesday night and died. Why is it that people with souls are all
dead and what's left walking between heaven and earth are so bland.]

---
/bruce 	
(excuse the typos, etc)