From: "ron kulick" <ron.kulick@execnet.com>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: request : christmas j 2/3
Date: 10 Dec 92 16:14:56 EST
Reply-To: "ron kulick" <ron.kulick@execnet.com>
Distribution: rec
Organization: Executive Networks Information

>>> Continued from previous message

Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young
woman in a robe.

She says "Santa, how about giving me a special present.  I know you'd like
to come into my bedroom."

Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho!  Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these
toys to the children you know."

The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee.
Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says "I've got something
special for you Santa. Can't you stay for just a little while?  I know
you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgettable."

Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho!  Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these
toys to the children you know."

Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits,
and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add.  And she says "Santa,
this is your last chance.  This body is your gift."

Santa responds "Hey! Hey! Hey!  Gotta stay. Gotta Stay. Can't get up the
chimney with my dick this way!"

----

As the Christmas season draws nigh, foretelling the end of over a full
month of Commercial Christmas, there is a special urgency in the spirits
of children as they visit toy stores and toy departments all over the
country.

It was with particular urgency that little Wilbert dragged his mother to
the toy department in a big Los Angeles department store. Mother quickly
steered Wilbert into the line of children waiting to talk to Santa, but
Wilbert was far more interested in the hobby horse.

As soon as his mother relaxed her vigilance for a moment, Wilbert
vanished from the Santa Queue and began rocking back and forth on the
hobby horse. His mother noticed his absence, and after a quick, frantic
search, spotted him on the horse. She let him rock for a few minutes,
then told him it was time to get off. Wilbert ignored her. She began to
beg; Wilbert paid no attention. She began to make promises of
sugarplums, etc., if only Wilbert would get off the hobby horse. He
stuck his nasty little tongue out at her.

Then Santa himself, who had been watching this little family drama out
of the corner of his eye, stepped over and said to Wilbert's mother,
"Perhaps I can persuade your son to cooperate."

"I doubt that," said the mother, "but you're welcome to try."

Santa, with a big smile, whispered quietly into Wilbert's ear.

Wilbert's eyes grew very large, he quickly slid off the horse and took
his mother's hand. Together, with no fuss, they left the store.

As they drove home, Mama asked Wilbert what Santa had whispered to him.
Wilbert was silent. Mama began offering bribes (toys and German
Chocolate cake) if Wilbert would only tell Mama what Santa's words were.
Wilbert turned pale and wouldn't utter a word.

What had Santa said? Wilbert's mother was determined to find out. She
had never been able to get the kid to obey that easily, and decided it
was worth a great deal of effort on her part to discover what magic
Santa Claus had used on Wilbert.

She continued to bribe him with a soft voice and much cajolery, and
Wilbert's stubborn streak finally faded. What did Santa say?

Wilbert now answered: "He said, 'Listen, you little son of a bitch, if
you don't climb your ass the hell down off that horse right this second,
I'm going to kick the living piss out of you!' "

----

Why the Little Angel is at the top of the Christmas Tree ...

 On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip. As
he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had to
take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight. He
then went to check on the rest of the preparations. The elves were on
strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED.
He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was
EMPTY. Now he was really mad.
 All of sudden, there was a knock at the door. Santa, in his angry
state, ignored it. There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all
of this. When the knock came again, Santa--filled with rage--threw open
the door.
 Standing there was a little angel who said, "Hi Santa! What do you want
me to do with this Christmas Tree?"

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