From: DeadHead@cup.portal.com (Bruce M Ong)
Newsgroups: ba.singles
Subject: Re: Where to meet women?
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 92 18:39:26 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
Distribution: ba
  <mdtaylor-101192150826@90.155.0.50>
  <keithley-111192100543@kip2-41.apple.com>

>In various articles, guys wonder where to meet women...
>
>Well, basically, you meet them everywhere.  The question remains, do they
>want to meet you?  A couple of rules apply:  If you have no interests, then
>you won't be interesting.

	unless your audience is a psych major working on some paper about
people with no interests or suffering from depression  ;-)

>If you find yourself bored, then people will probably find you boring.  

	Especially the ones who find themselves bored, and also are not
willing to do anything to get themselves out of boredom.... They just seem
to give out bad, negative karma, and people naturally stay away from those
who are no fun to hang around with...(well, i least i know i stay away from
those)

>Just remember, 'reading' doesn't qualify as a
>socially productive interest.  

	I think it does.... I think one just has to go about it a bit 
differently than the dancing lessons approach. I was in a reading seminar
in summer of 91 for James Joyce's "Finnegans Wake", and wound up dating  
a woman in the seminar which i found physically attractive and mentally 
brilliant, for quite a long time. We still keep in touch, and write each other
letters (land mail) about books, etc. There are reading seminars and poetry 
readings etc that one can go. Too bad these events carry the same stigma as 
"hanging out at computer literacy." But depending on what events you go, you
could look really cool and hep and on the cutting edge of pop culture... ;-)


>So while you're busily running off to horseback riding
>lessons, or dance lessons, or whatever, ask yourself the question: "Do I
>lead an interesting life?".
>
	
	I think the question to ask is really, "am I having a good time?"
I think we live our lives for ourselves, and not for others to make them think 
we are interesting. I do concur with the notion that the dating thing is very
much a marketing issue -- how one markets the self, how one sees the self as
a product, and thinks about the issues related to packaging, advertising, 
pricing and distribution. (gosh. so many jokes could come out of that last
sentence...) A friend of mine  joined a video dating service and that's the 
biggest lesson he's learned from it -- the issue of marketing. However, I feel
that single people should strike a balance between what they need to do to
find a mate -- to be more interesting by taking up new interests that lead to
more social activitites, etc, and enjoying the life itself -- by doing what 
they truely love doing, be that reading, hanging out at CompLit stores, etc... 
even when it's not 'socially productive.' I mean...I love rowing, and I do 
that 3 times a week in a lake in the mornings as part of my excercise routine.
It isnt one of these 'social' activities that would lead to meeting new 
people, and I am sure to people who dont much care for it, it's quite boring.
But i would never give it up for it's my passion.

	It's more important to find the self than to create a self to cater
to others, I guess is what I am saying... But there is also a balance -- after
all, one does need to tailor the self somewhat to fit the external world.

>
>Craig Keithley
>Apple Computer, Inc.
>keithley@apple.com
>"What would you do with a brain if you had one?" - Dorothy to the Scarecrow

/bruce
"so much depends / upon / a red wheel / barrow  / glazed with rain / water /
besides the white / chickens" - william carlos williams.