From: Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu (Albert Lunde)
Subject: Re: The War Between Us (Long)
Followup-To: soc.bi
Originator: lunde@casbah.acns.nwu.edu
Reply-To: Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu (Albert Lunde)
Organization: Ministry of Silly Walks
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 03:42:43 GMT

In article <1992Jul27.162511.23191@athena.cs.uga.edu> heath@athena.cs.uga.edu (Terrance Heath) writes:
>I think I might be able to shed some light on this, being a gay man.
>We all live in a society in which peolple invest a lot in identity -
>social identity/sexual identity (one and the same, often times).
>[...]
>Let me put it another way. I have a lot invested, socially, in being
>seen as a gay man. It connects me in certain ways to certain groups,
>and affords me priviledge within my particular gay community. So long
>as I am solidly identified as gay, I'm safe. However, I do a lot of
>speaking about gay issues on campus, and once a young man turned my
>own questions and tactics around on me and asked "Have you ever had a
>heterosexual fantasy?"
>
>Well.
>
>I'd been known for touting that finding that a certain percentage of
>men who identified as het admitted to having gay fantasies. I thought
>for a moment, and realized there was only one honest answer to the
>question, and that answer was affirmative - for I am really no
>different from the straight man whose fantasy life occasionally
>deviates from his public identity, even if his behavior does not.
>
>The idea (that I might possibly be something less than a Kinsey 6,
>like maybe a 5.75, frightened me...and still...) was a threat to my
>identity and to the safety and priviledge my identity affords me
>within my community. Along the same lines, gay folk may indeed feel
>threatened by bifolk, who can be seen as a manifestation of the threat
>to identify. 

I want to comment on this, because in one sense, this reaction is
something that some heterosexuals and some homosexuals have in common:
They can see bisexuals as a threat because of the blurring of 
boundaries - both of communities and within one's self image.

The reactions may be poles apart in another sense since gays and
lesbians have typically put much conscious effort into building
their identity, while heterosexuals with these reactions are often
either unconscious of the roots of their sexual identity or
are dealing with homosexuality by projecting it as something
distant "out there" with no personal significance.

I think it is important to confront the tendency in some quarters
to seize on flimsy excuses to invalidate people's identity
and self-understanding, to say "I know better that you do
what you are."  I don't think this is either polite or wise.

Bis, gays/lesbians and hets all may be hit with *this* in various
contexts.

This is why I stress people's self-evaluation of their sexuality
over some hypothetical "objective" critera.  Very few of us
are perfect examples of some ideal type. The existence of some
potential for bisexuality does not mean we should invalidate 
someone's gay (or straight) sexual identity.  Bisexuals
should not be called into question because they don't fit
mythic critera like exactly equal attraction to both sexes or
concurrent motss and motos relationships.

(I think this trend is related to the threads in our society which 
deny the value of personal choice and which defer to authority.)

I want to advocate an understanding of sexuality which does not
deny one truth for the sake of another, which can encompass
gay, lesbian, bisexual and heterosexual identities.

I'm not without any critical comment on the expression of
people's sexual identities -- as a feminist I look for my own
shortcomings in relating to others -- but I think I have
to start out where people see themselves to be -- I will get
nowhere in dialog by denying people's self-understanding,
and I'd be ignoring the primary expert on the subject 
(themselves).

I hope you will understand that I'm basically argeeing with
what you said -- in the sense of finding it an understandable
reaction, and trying to fit it into what I see as a larger
pattern.

Bisexuals may have a sense of being put up on by both sides
because they are in the middle of the social polarization
created by the general homophobia of society. Heterosexism
creates an "either/or"; we respond "both/and" (or sometimes 
"none of the above".)

-- 
 Albert Lunde         | Interfaith  |     *Y*Y*      "A branch on the
 Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu |  Bisexual   |      *Y*        tree of life"
 alunde@nuacvm.bitnet |  Feminist   |.......|.........................