From: MDuPree@world.std.com (Micky DuPree)
Subject: "Gilligan's Island": lyrics to "Hamlet" musical
Summary: Transcriptions of farcical musical of Hamlet
Keywords: Gilligan's Island, Hamlet, Carmen
Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 03:30:07 GMT

I was about to erase this but reckoned some nuts out there would want
it.

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LYRICS TO THE MUSICAL VERSION OF "HAMLET"
as performed in an episode of "Gilligan's Island."
Music taken from the opera "Carmen."


Hamlet's Soliloquy

[Enter Hamlet]

I ask to be or not to be.
A rogue or peasant slave is what you see.
A boy who loves his mother's knee,
And so I ask to be or not to be.
So hear my plea,
I ask of thee,
And say you see a little hope for me.
To fight or flee,
To fight or flee,
I ask myself to be or not to be.

[Enter the king and queen]

He asks to be or not to be.
A rogue and peasant slave is what you see.
My son who loves his mother's knee,
And so he asks to be or not to be.
So hear his plea we beg of thee,
And say we see a little hope for he. [sic]
To fight or flee,
To fight or flee,
I ask myself to be or not to be.

[Exit king and queen]

H: Hark! I do believe I hear the fair Ophelia.
O: My Lord Hamlet is troubled.
H: Yea, verily. My heart is heavy. I can not marry thee, Ophelia.
O: Oh!
H: There is nothing left for you but to get thee to a notarary. [sic]
O: Ah, my poor Hamlet! Ah, my poor Hamlet.


Ophelia's Lament

Hamlet, dear, your problem is clear,
Avenging thy father's death.
You seek to harm your uncle and mom,
But you're scaring me to death.
While I die and sigh and cry
That love is everything,
You're content to try to catch
The conscience of the king.

Si-in-ince the date
When your dad met his fate,
You-oo-hoo just brood
And you don't touch your food.

You hate your ma,
Mad at my pa,
You'll kill the king,
Or some silly thing.

So, Hamlet, Hamlet,
Do be a lamblet,
Rottin' enough alone.
From Ophelia, no one can steal ya;
You'll always be my own.
Leave the gravediggers' scene,
If you know what I mean.
Danish pastry for two,
For me -- For you!


H: In truth, Ophelia, you have said a mouthful.
O: Hamlet, I have so much more to offer. But hark! Methinks me hear the
   heavy footsteps of my father, Polonius.
H: And the laughter of your brother and my friend, Laertes.
O: Oh! They must not find us here. But where to hide?
H: Hide anyplace. But don't go near the water. [They exit]

[Enter Polonius and Laertes]

L: Father, my ship sails at the tide.
P: A moment, my son, for I have something to tell you.
L: I ask only for my allowance.
P: Ah, but I shall give you something far more valuable: advice.
L: Do you know how much wine you can buy in Paris with advice?
P: Paris is a wild and wicked town, and you are but a young and innocent
   boy.
L: [aside] Oh, could I tell HIM a few stories.
P: Heed my words, Laertes, and you will be safe.
L: [aside] Unless I listen I won't get my spending money, so I'll
   listen, I'll listen.


Polonius' Advice

Neither a borrower, nor a lender be.
Do not forget,
Stay out of debt.
Think twice, and take this good advice from me,
Guard that old solvency!
There's just one other thing
You ought to do,
To thine own self be true.

[Enter rest of cast, repeat verse.]