From: v129j6ed@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (This is F.U.N.)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc,alt.comics.lnh
Subject: LNH : Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #5 : Eve of Collection
Date: 25 Jan 93 08:33:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

Yes.  It has come out sooner than Big Numbers #3.

Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #5
Part Two of the Eve of Collection
"Collection Royale"
*****************************************************************

On the East Side of Net.Ropolis, where crime is a regular activity,
an abandoned wharehouse stands alit after many years on non-use.
Some of the homeless try to look inside the industrial windows that
are located on the first floor, but they are unable to see anything
inside.

Inside, a lone figure paces, while walking on air.  

"LACKEYS?????  LACKEYS????  SINCE WHEN DID I HAVE LACKEYS????"

With a wave of his right hand, the Fan.Dom of the Alt.Ra creates
a wind vortex about 5 feet away from him.  It seems to be empty,
but then suddenly, two blurred images appear.  Using his right hand
again, he waves it in the reverse direction, as the wind vortex 
stops, and the two images become clear, and fall to the ground.
Both the figures try to clear their heads while trying to bow to
the tall caped figure.  

"What do you want of us, oh Master?"

Whipping his cape back and standing in the classic dramatic pose
that SuperMan used to stand in, the Fan.Dom replies, "I KNOW OF
YOU NOT!!  BEGONE!!  WAIT!!!  I HAVE A BETTER IDEA!!!"

The Fan.Dom turns his attention to some plastic bags that are
stacked neatly in one corner.  The lackeys also turn to notice
them.

"Please master, don't do this!  We, we love you!"

The Fan.Dom returns his attention to the one lackey, with a glare
of distaste.   

"FAGS!!!"

And with a snap of his fingers, four of the plastic bags come to
life, and crawl up to their intented victims. The lackeys, still
trying to recover from spinning in the vortex, try to crawl their
way out of the warehouse.  Fate(tm), however, is not too kind.  
Before they can reach the door, the plastic bags jump on top of
them, encasing them in plastic, making them helpless inside their
plastic cage.   Scanning the walls, the Fan.Dom notices a nice
space for each of his newly found collectables.  The plastic bags
float up to their assigned positions, and then are hooked up on
the wall.  The Fan.Dom floats over to his newly acquired pair,
noticing that they are located next to Bill S. Preston Esq.,
and Ted "Theodore" Logan. 

"HOW FITTING!!!  NOW I MUST RETURN TO ADD TO MY LIBRARY!!! FOR
NO MAN CAN STAND UP TO THE POWER OF THE ALT.RA!!!"

As if summoning the heavens itself, the Fan.Dom raises both his
arms and the air above him rips open, as he floats up into it.

******************************************************************

"Hey Halls, isn't Big.City Mall way downtown?  Don't you have a car
since you are a popular super-hero type?"

Halls Jordan, and his new partner, Cliche Dude have just left the
building where Halls's friend, Larry HagMan, mail investigator, 
has asked them to search for their friends, Sledge Hammer and Dori
Doreau. 

"Well, I used to have one, but it's a long story."

"You make it short, can't you?"

"I guess so.  I was chasing my old arch-enemy, Hector Hammick..."

"You mean the Doctor of Nap?"

"Yeah, that's the one.  Well, he was trying to outrace me so he
could dump his napping formula into a vat of Pepsi-Cola.  He was
taking revenge on them for using his slogan, without him being
paid nor recognized for it.  You know the one: Pepsi, the choice
for a Napping Generation.  Well, I forced his car off the road into
the bar next door to the factory, and promptly beat on him.  When
the cops got there, I was in for a big surprise.  Along with
Hector,  I too was arrested for reckless driving, speeding, going
thru a red light, and for indecent exposure.  My suit got ripped
off by Hammick, during the fight.  They took away my license, and
impounded what was left of my car.  I still have to wait about
a year before I can try to get my license back."

"The question remains, how do we get to Big.City Mall.  I have no
money on me right now, and it is incredibly hard to get a taxi at
this time of the day."

"That's why we are walking over to Net.Ropolis Community College.
I have a friend there who would love to give us a lift to the
mall."

"What does he do?"

"His name is PC.  He drives the van for the Hanicapped Shuttle
Service Program they have there.  If he is not too busy, he will
give us a lift."

"I can do that.  How much longer until we get there?"

"About three minutes.  See the broken Clock Tower?"

"Yeah.  I can see it now."

"Good.  I hope PC is chilli' out."

"Chillin' out?"

"You'll see."

****************************************************************

Back at his office, Larry HagMan stares at his terminal screen. 
On it, is a digitized copy of the Ultimate Ninja.   He grabs a
pencil and a yellow pad of paper, and starts jotting down some
notes.  After he is finished, he rolls his chair over to the
large gray file cabinet, and opens the bottom drawer.  He scans
thru the folders, and near the back of the drawer, he finally
grabs one, and pushes his chair back to his main desk.  On the
top of this folder contains the words, "Top Secret", in big
bold letters.  He opens the folder.  Inside, it contains
pictures and biographical information on all of the Legion of
Net Heroes.  HagMan scans through all of them until he comes
to the page of the Ultimate Ninja.  He takes it out, and returns
the folder from which it came.  

****************************************************************

Halls leads Cliche thru one of the student parking lots, and points
over to a blue-colored van with the words "Handicapped Vechile
Service" on the side of the vechile in big bold white letters.
As the two approach it, they can hear some really strange music.
It sounds like a combination between classical and African music,
with the heavy drum beat.  The figure in the driving seat for the 
van turns to notice our two beloved heroes. 

"Hey Halls, what's up?"

"I have to ask you a favor, PC."

"What'cha need?"

"This is my new partner, Cliche Dude, and we were wondering if you
can give us a lift down to the Big_City Mall.  Larry asked us to
look for Sledge, since he and his partner have been missing for the
past few days."

"Sure. No problemo. Hop in."

Halls and Cliche both hop into the van, and with a screeching
start, the blue van drives away.

*****************************************************************

In the suburbs of Net.Ropolis, a small frail Phillipino man walks
out of one of the indistinguishable houses on the street.  Within
seconds, a semi-muscular white male leaves the same house, opening
the car door.  The elderly man gets in on the passenger side.

"You know something?"

"I know many things, while you know little."

"Right.  I wonder what Larry was thinking when he told us to go to
the east side of Net.Ropolis to look for something out of the 
ordinary."

"He must mean your pitiful excuse for streets.  Back in the Phillipines,
our streets were never so dirty."

"But the streets in your home town are dirt streets."

"That does not matter.  It looks better than what you have here."

"Let's just go."

The American puts the car in reverse and drives out of the driveway.

**********************************************************************

At Big.City Mall, Halls and Cliche head over to K-T Toys and Hobby
Store.  When they get there, they find the shop closed up, and empty
inside.  Puzzled by this, Halls looks around and notices a nearby
policeman.  Tugging Cliche, they walk over to him.  

"Excuse me, officer, but I have a question."

"Yes, What is....  Hey!! Aren't you that Halls Jordan guy?"

Glancing at Cliche with a big smile on his face, Halls says smuggly,
"Why, yes I am."

"Wow!! I am talking with my favorite hero.  Will you please sign my.."

The officer feels around himself, searching for something that Halls
can sign.  After a few seconds have passed by, the policeman finally
pulls something out.

"A nightstick?" Cliche asks sarcastically.

Halls, being disappointed with Cliche, gives him a small nudge with his
left elbow, as the officer gives him a marker to write with.  Halls
scribbles down his name on the nightstick as best as he could.  After
he is done, he returns both the nightstick and the marker to the cop.

"Thanks so very much.  Now what can I do for you?"

"I was wondering what happened to the K-T Toys and Hobby Store?"

"Well, I'll tell you.  They had some huge order for some toys for the
LNH, and they disappeared everywere only a day after they had come out.
Since this store had put so much money into it, and could not prove
they ever had them, it went out of business."

"Thanks very much officer."

"And don't worry, you'll get those bad guys."

The cop waves at them, and Halls waves back with a disheartened smile.
Discouraged, Halls and Cliche sit down at the nearest table.  

"What now, Halls?"

"I do not know.  It seems that we are at a dead end."

Unaware to our heroes, an old lady dresses in white manuevers her way
to their table.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, but I sense you have a problem.  Maybe I can help
you."

Cliche looks up and says apathetically, "Go ahead. Have a seat."

The elderly lady sits down, in between Halls and Cliche. 

"I am a medium.  I can see things normal people are unable to see.  I can
predict the future.  I can tell you your past.  I can find those who are lost."

Cliche grabs hold of Halls, and stares the lady, "Can you hold on for a
moment?"

"Sure."

Cliche pulls Halls away from the table, so she is not able to hear them.

"Look.  This may sound goofy but since we have no better leads, why don't
we just see if she can help us."

"You can't be serious." Halls looks deep into Cliche's eyes.  "You are
serious.  That is stupid."

"Sure. It probably is, but if there is a chance she can help, we should
use it. Alright??"

"Alright."

Halls and Cliche return to the table.

Cliche looks at the old woman, "Ok.  We are looking for two friends of ours.
They are police dectectives.  Their names are Sledge Hammer and Dori Doreau.
Can you help us?"

The old woman looks at them both, then leans back in her seat.

"Gentlemen.  I think I can help you.  It is time for you to get cultured.
We must talk to yogurt."

"Yogurt?" exclaims Halls and Cliche.

"Yes."

"You mean the guy from SpaceBalls?" asks Halls.

"No. I mean this."

The elderly woman pulls her bag up onto the table, and reaches inside.  When
she pulls her hand out, it contains a small carton of yogurt.  Unable to
believe he agreed to this, Halls, with a look of stupidity, bangs his head
on the synthetic wood.

To be continued...

*******************************************************************************
"Or watch Richard Gere follow the Dali Llama across the world, and then do
those oh-so Zen-Like movies with those oh-so Zen-Like messages like 'Hey, it's
fun to be a prostitute!'" - 'Folk Song' - Bongwater
*******************************************************************************
Jef Kolodziej                    Cliche Dude                    The KaTeFan(tm)
v129j6ed@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu           State University of New York at Buffalo
History Major      #(716) 834-2606      611 LaSalle Ave.      Buffalo, NY 14215
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc