Newsgroups: bit.listserv.christia
Date:         Wed, 30 Sep 1992 09:14:42 CDT
From:         CCCHRIS@MIZZOU1.BITNET
Subject:      Divorcing the parents

Lon has brought up a tender subject here.  I personally think the court did
the right thing in awarding custody to the foster parents - in this instance.
But it does bring about frightening possibilities.

As many of you know, I was married and divorced and had two children from my
previous marriage.  Before the divorce, we moved to Pilot Grove, Missouri
and bought and renovated an old homestead, turning it into his photography
studio.  We had met and married in Michigan, and I had no relatives or support
units in Missouri, but I came to love it here.  So when I left my ex and filed
for divorce, I decided to stay in Columbia where I was (am) working.  I left
a 16 year marriage, at the age of 34, I started over with two kids in tow, and
$13 in my pocket.  It wasn't easy, but we held tough and weathered it.  Both
of the kids hated their father at times, but I knew they needed that relation-
ship with him, and fostered it.  Recently, my oldest son (Ryan) became very
close to his father.  His father bought him about $500 worth of musical equip-
ment (guitar & amp) for Christmas, and the next son, a $20 pair of pants. The
discrepancy hurt the younger son very much, and made the older son feel pretty
good.  Ryan became closer to his father while Scott, the younger son, felt
sad and rejected.  (They are both his sons).

At the end of visitation this year, Ryan decided to stay with his father -
permanently.  Scott stayed with me.  This hurt in a way I cannot describe,
but suffice to say I hope nobody on this list goes through it.  I agreed to
these arrangements because Ryan wanted it so badly.  He and his dad are like
teenagers, best friends.  I guess I've done the grunt work, and now that his
dad's settled down and remarried, he's ready to be a father again.  I had to
put Ryan's feelings and welfare first.  The biggest concern I had was that my
ex was doing this for financial reasons (child support reduction).  He assured
me that was not the case.

Well, I finally got the dreaded call.  My ex has spoken with a lawyer who said
he can probably stop paying child support for the younger son (Scott, who's
still with me) since he's providing primary care for the older son now.  The
two situations should cancel each other out, so they say.  This would set a
little better if I'd been awarded the house and cars and furnishings, but I
put all my eggs in the child support basket.  I also carry their medical
benefits, which costs nearly $100.  The amount of support now is only $150/mo.
Now Scott feels a double whammy.  First, his dad showers his older brother
with nice gifts (a truck, a go-cart, a sweet allowance, nice clothes) and
virtually ignores Scott.  Then, Ryan goes to live with dad.  Finally, dad
stops supporting Scott altogether.

If I believed in reincarnation, I'd think I must have done something dreadful
in a previous life.  As it is, I'll continue to care for Scotty and we'll be
fine.  But Scott is disgusted.  He refuses to speak to or visit his dad.

Divorce and custody issues are hell on earth.  Right up there with war.

Well, sorry I went on and on.  Just a little input from someone going thru
similar circumstances.

Friends in Jesus,
Chris Reed
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.christia