From: jmd@bear.com (Josh Diamond)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Honesty, Your word, and Trust -- a crisis?
Date: 22 Jan 93 17:37:11 GMT
Organization: Bear, Stearns & Co. - FAST


Having read recent posts here, and noticed events going on out there
in the rest of the world, I have come to the conclusion there we have
a major crisis on our hands.

Basically, it seems that as a society, our concepts of honesty and
trust are all screwed up.

Most people, when asked whether they consider themselves to be honest
say yes.  And yet, when it comes down to brass tacks, most people are
_not_ particularly honest. In fact, they are absolutely lousy at
keeping their word.

An example: How many of you out there have said that you would meet
someone at a particular place at a particular time, but then been
late?  If you have, then you have broken your word -- you have been
_dishonest_.  I don't mean to attach any moral judgement here -- it is
not good or bad, but merely a fact.

How many times have you broken your word in the last year?  Be honest
with yourself -- count everything from being late for a meeting, to
not showing up at that party you said you be at, to cheating on your
SO.  And don't forget the times you broke your word to yourself --
e.g. broke that commitment to yourself to start working out, or stop
smoking.

Again, I'm not attaching any morality to this -- there is no right or
wrong here.  Such broken agreements are not the major problem.  In
some cases they are inevitable.  But their frequency is a problem.
Somehow we as a society have come to the belief that our word does not
matter.  Why?  What is causing this breakdown in honesty?  What has
made it OK to break our word?

In my opinion, the problem lies here: Most of the time when we break
our word, we do not acknowledge the broken agreement.  Usually, we
merely give an excuse.  And usually, the person to whom we gave our
word says something like "Oh, that's OK" -- making it _acceptable_ to
be dishonest in this way.  

It seems to me that this can only lead to a breakdown in trust.  If
our relationship with our word is like it is, how can we trust each
other?  How can we expect others to trust us when our word does not
matter to us?

Also, IMHO, our lack of trust helps to create an environment where it
is OK to break our word.  After all, if we don't convey to those
around us that we trust them, what indication do they have that their
word makes a difference?

I think that the way to do something about this is to just go ahead
and break with precedent -- create a present which is completely
different from the past.  Go ahead and trust -- creating an
environment where the people you meet understand that their word means
something -- and that you will not stand for broken agreements.
And be honest -- creating trust in those around you.  And above all
else, trust yourself, and be honest with yourself.


Spidey!!!





--
You don't hunt ducks with a turnip! 

 /\ \  / /\  Josh Diamond                                          jmd@bear.com
//\\ .. //\\ AKA Spidey!!!                        ...!ctr.columbia.edu!ursa!jmd
//\((  ))/\\
/  < `' >  \                                              Do whatever it takes.
Newsgroups: soc.singles