From: kdw@icd.ab.com (Kenneth D. Whitehead)
Newsgroups: talk.politics.animals
Subject: Dreamer Stares Down My Barrel
Date: 13 Aug 92 20:27:46 GMT
Organization: Allen-Bradley Company, Inc.

OK, this isn't meant to be totally serious (for the humor impaired),
but I think it's time that somebody responded to dreamer in kind.

JUST IMAGINE...

You're out in the woods with Rover and some of your friends, hunting
small game.  It's a beautiful Autumn day with the leaves just beginnnig 
to turn.  As you walk along, the conversation turns to dreamer, the whiny
little ARF given to second-rate writing about stupid stuff.

"Man, I can't believe that jerk," says one of the guys.  "Did you see that
posting where he offered to meet us out in the woods, so that HE could show
us a thing or two?" 

"Yeah", I reply.  "I had to sit on my hands, I wanted to write back so bad.
What about that stupid Billy-Bob story about the drunken hunter?"

"Well, he obviously took a lot of shit over that one.  The boy obviously has
pretty thin skin, though, because after he was consumed by flames he posted
again, lying about having grown up.  Said he'd learned his lesson, but I don't
believe it."

"No kidding" I reply.  "What did he say?"

"He was defending Russell Lawrence over the perversion charge.  He said:

   "This thread is ridiculous.  No one actually knows anyone else well 
   enough to claim that the other is perverted or macho or whatever.  You simply 
   can't judge someone solely by what they write about one topic.

	   The thread is very childish.  Let's everyone take a deep breath, count 
   to ten, and resume objective discussions.  Nothing will ever get accomplished
   if people grasp for each other's throats rather than sit at a table and
   discuss the matters at hand with an open mind and a respectful nature.

	   I've learned my lesson about this, so please listen to me.  If you 
   don't respect the other's viewpoint, at least respect their rights as a 
   thinking person so that they will listen to you and you to them.  That's fair.


"Huh," I reply.  "Do ya suppose anybody believed him?  He's such an immature 
little twit;  I wonder if he's still willing to meet us in the woods," I ask, 
an evil grin on my face...

Just then, Rover disappears over a ridge, and a few seconds the sound of a 
gunshot rings out, followed by a frenzied yelping and another shot, then another. 
 
As we clear the ridgetop, we see an effeminate little twerp on his knees, 
frantically trying to give CPR to Rover, who he has just shot several times and 
then slit it's throat.  It's dreamer, out for a walk in the woods for the first 
time in his life.

"Dreamer,"  I say, the evil grin getting wider, "is that you?  you're the only
slimeball puppy killer I know of..."

"Yes, it's me" he sniffles.  "Oh God, this is terrible.  It's always been much
easier snuffing them at the Humane Society where I work as a volunteer."

The owner of Rover stands looking shocked at the scene, then jacks a round into
his shotgun and points it at dreamer, about to euthanize this miserable excuse
for a human being.  The rest of us intervene.

"Now, come on now, you don't want to do that," we caution.

"Why in hell not?" the angry dog owner demands.

"Well", we reply, "for one thing he's not in season.  And even if he was, look
at him; he's certainly not a keeper."

"I don't care," replies the distraught owner.  "He killed my dog."

"Well, there's another reason, too..." we counter.  "You know how we have
that rule about never killing anything you aren't gonna eat?  Well, you aren't
gonna eat ole' dreamer, are ya?"

The owner ponders this for a minute and replies, "yeah, you're right.  Look
at this slimy little bag of pus.  There's no way you could ever get it clean...~

So we didn't kill dreamer, but rather tied him up and left him  just inside
the entrance to a bear's den, smeared with blood from the dog.

When the bear returned, he listened to dreamer's whining entreaties curiously 
for awhile before he ate him;  dreamer, being a vegan, considered it an honor
to be eaten by the bear, although I truly believe that at the end, he had
second thoughts about wanting to be quite so in harmony with nature.
Newsgroups: talk.politics.animals