HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: kgatling@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Keith E Gatling)
Subject: Re: Defining neglect (was Re: "Love" Triangle)
Organization: Manlius Pebble Hill School; Dewitt, NY
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 92 08:53:45 EDT

Well here in Syracuse I can already think of one reason why people might be
a bit gun shy about calling *any* agency when it comes to questions about
helping out the neighbors with their kids or even questions about your own.

There was a case that recently appeared in the paper about a woman who was
breastfeeding and called some local agency to find out if it was normal for
her to have feelings of arousal during it.  Now, had she called the LaLeche
League, they would've told her it was perfectly normal and not to worry.
However, the hairball at the agency she talked to heard the word "arousal"
in the query and immediately assumed that she was some twisted woman who was
breastfeeding her kid just for the kicks...so they took the kid away while a
long legal battle took place.  The result was that she got the kid back and
is now suing, and is quite gun shy about calling any agency again.  Also,
the judge in the case, in his infinite "wisdom" about breastfeeding, decided
that while she wasn't sexually abusing the child, she was being "neglectful"
by continuing to nurse her kid at the "advanced" age of two years.  What an
idiot.

Faced with the choice between possibly ruining the life of a family that may
have really done nothing wrong and saving a kid from a family that might be
abusive, many people would say that's a tough call and would want to wait
until they were absolutely sure there was something wrong.

Since this post was long enough as it is, stay tuned for my next one on
emotional neglect and family size.  I like to keep these things short.


--
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* Keith E Gatling                                  kgatling@mailbox.syr.edu *
*          Opinions?  I've got plenty of them.  Just ask my wife!           *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: menon@boulder.Colorado.EDU (Ravi Menon)
Subject: Re: Cesearian Births (was Justin's birth story)
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Distribution: na
Date: 29 Aug 92 15:44:41 GMT

stanzi@media.mit.edu (Constance "Stanzi" Royden) writes:

>In article <1992Aug27.180818.21908@cbnews.cb.att.com> klj@cbnews.cb.att.com (karen.l.carr) writes:
>>
>>Yes, even now my stomach muscles are nowhere close to where they were, but
>>no the cesearian was nowhere like what I thought it would be.  Perhaps its
>>just attitude, but really, recovery was pretty easy, considering.
>>

>Perhaps attitude has something to do with it, but there are certainly 
>other physical factors that make recovery easier for some than for others. 
>As with vaginal child-birth, some have more difficulty with C-sections
>than others.

Perhaps it is the risk of things going wrong that is the problem...not just
the attitude.  My stomach muscles do not even know they exist anymore.  I
have a very weird sensation problem with the skin and tissue from the area
about one inch below the transverse incision site, to about 4 inches above my
navel.  I can feel light touch, and itches, but I cannot feel scratches,pokes
or heavy touch.  Ezra's almost 10 months old now, and I am beginning to wonder
why more sensation hasn't returned.  I'm not too sure how important it is
to have sensation in that region, but nonetheless, I don 't like the lack of
sensation.

Also, it took about 5 months for me to fully recover from a c-section.  I have
nothing to compare it to, but I feel a vaginal birth wouldn't have taken such
a long recovering time--incision settling is only now flattening from the
keloids.  So, I don't think it is just an attitude.  A cesarean is much more
invasive and destructive to the woman's body.  Thus, it takes longer to recover.

Deantha
From: tigger@satyr.Sylvan.COM (Grace Sylvan)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Rear-facing carseats
Date: 29 Aug 92 04:45:33 GMT
Organization: Sylvan Associates

I always put the baby up front with me in my car.

For one thing, I don't want the baby to be lonely. I find driving with
a happy baby a big win. I also tend to raise my kids with a modified
Continuum Concept approach, which means keeping the baby in physical
contact as much as possible. So letting her/him see me in the car was
my best compromise. When they were little (rear facing) I rode in the
back seat of Daddy's car with the baby, unless the baby was asleep,
then I got to ride up front with my husband! (what a luxury!)

I don't let my little babies eat anything in the car. I do let them
(and toddlers) have bottles of water in the car. I bought a little
thing that attaches the bottle with a short tether to the carseat so
that I wouldn't have to retrieve bottles for the kids. I'm thinking of
using something like it to attach a couple of toys for Robin in the
same way, he's graduating to a big seat sometime this week.
-- 

Tigger (Grace Sylvan)                Mom of Katherine Yelena, 8/8/89 &
tigger@satyr.sylvan.com              Robin Gregory born 2/28/92

 "It seems to me that our large goal is to find the ways to help our
 children become humane and strong."
 
              - Dr Haim Ginott quoted by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
From: kati@glnserv.UUCP (Lady Dragon)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: toddler carseats
Date: Sat, 29 Aug 92 07:08:47 CDT
Organization: Vermi-net, Houston, Tx. 77098

I have noticed that my 2YO son is almost to the point of outgrowing his
baby carseat. Since I would like to move him to the booster variety, I
would like to know what kinds are best. thanks.

PS: I saw some in a thrift shop that looked okay on the surface, but upon
closer inspection, I noticed each one had a small crack in the plastic. So
if you do want to buy one used, check it over VERY carefully. I think I'll
just get a new one.

* * email address: nuchat!xcluud!glnserv!kati * Houston, Texas, USA, Earth * *




Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: M18709@mwvm.mitre.org
Subject: Re: Thomas the Tank Engine
Organization: The MITRE Corporation, McLean VA 22102
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 16:47:06 GMT

>Our son - Thomas - just loves Thomas the Tank Engine.  We have a couple of
>books in addition to the train set and videos.  It is also much preferred
>at our house over Sesame Street.
>
Our son Jonathan (2.5 yrs) just loves Thomas.  He has the larger die-cast metal
 version of Thomas and keeps talking of "needing" James, Percy, Annie and
Calribil, and the engineer.  He sleeps with Thomas.  My son who is usually shy
will warm up to anyone who claims that they "Like Thomas too!".  His favorite
television show has always been Shinning Time Station.  We do not own any
videos because he will want to watch them all day.  Yesterday, a neighbor gave
him his first "Thomas" book.
 
His obsession with trains extends beyond Thomas and friends.  We have indulged
his hobby by taking him on a number of train-related outings.  We live near
Washington, DC and have taken the Metro to visit the Smithsonian's Train
Exhibit and Union Station.  Locally some of the parks have miniture train rides
which were a big success.  We have also taken a scenic train ride in WVa where
we were able to see a few (4) American Bald Eagles.  Needessly to say the
train was a bigger hit then the eagles with Jonathan.  It seems that the only
books he is willing to borrow from the Library must include trains (or at least
trucks).  He can makes all sorts of train noises.
 
He is spreading his love of trains to his younger sister, Melissa (15 mos.).
We love watching him excited about something and are very willing to alter
our family's activities to include "trains".
=====================================================================
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out, and
remove all doubt" --Abraham Lincoln (1862)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: clare@nynexst.com (Clare Chu)
Subject: Re: differences between boys and girls
Keywords: Boys Girls
Organization: Nynex Science and Technology
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 92 19:18:52 GMT

In article <1992Sep4.171342.29761@cco.caltech.edu> hough@seismo.gps.caltech.edu (Susan Hough) writes:
>In article <1992Sep2.184030.10271@newstand.syr.edu> kgatling@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Keith E Gatling) writes:
>>
>>Well in our case part of it is because we see things in each other that we
>>think would be great if we could pass on to a child of the same sex.  For
>>example I'd love to have a girl who grew up like her mother, knowing how to
>>use tools (one day I should tell you the story of the blue stool)...
>>
>>Cheryl would love to have a boy grow up to be like me...one who cooks,
>>cleans, does laundry, and wonders why more women who get slapped around by
>>men don't permanently rearrange their skulls with the nearest chair.
>
>Sorry, Keith, this is admirable but with thinking like this, what you're
>sure to get is a little girl who wants _dresses_ and _Barbies_.
>(Take it from someone who's been there--my mother dispaired with me
>because I was such a tomboy; my daughter is the child my mother
>always wanted).
>
>Sue

  Yep, I know two aunts (cousins of my mom).  One is a tomboy and
  wears no makeup, wears dowdy clothes and is very handy with tools.
  The other is a big flirt, always has been always will, still wearing
  lots of makeup, clingy dresses, and is always dating some man.
  The tomboy has daughters who all wear makeup and flirt a lot.
  And the flirt has daughters who don't wear makeup and wear dowdy
  clothes.  Go figure!

  Incidentally, it's hard on the kid if you want them to grow up
  with a certain image in mind.  That is why I have a harder time
  thinking about a daughter than a son.  With the son, I have no
  trouble accepting him whether he cries or is tough.  With a
  daughter, I have to face all the issues that I fought against
  in childhood and will have a harder time accepting her as I
  can't help but think of my image of what I want her to be like.
  It's like I want a daughter to be everything I wanted to be
  and not like what I didn't want to be.  But with a son, I
  don't see myself entering too much into the picture.  I'm sure
  there is an opposite effect where my husband will push my son
  a lot more than I will.  For example, I think my son is cute
  when he flutters his hands in despair when he can't do something.
  My husband hates it.

  Ultimately one just has to accept your kids whatever way they
  turn out.  And try not to put your own self-image into them.
  It's just easier with an opposite-sex child, IMHO.
Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: robinson@underdog.ee.wits.ac.za (Michael Robinson)
Subject: Re: I can't believe we did it
Organization: Wits Electrical Engineering (Undergrads).
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 16:28:09 GMT


>Well, folks I am still in a state of shock.  My pregnancy test
>was positive on Friday.  We hit the jack pot on the first try.

Congratulations!!!!!

Michael
Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: hough@seismo.gps.caltech.edu (Susan Hough)
Subject: Re: Kids and Pets (Re: Sweet things they do (3 years))
Summary: another from me 
Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 16:27:29 GMT

In article <1992Aug25.233015.20342@u.washington.edu> lcheap@milton.u.washington.edu (Laurel Cheap) writes:
>
>Brendan (who just recently turned a year old and has learned to actually
>PET our golden retriever rather than pull all her hair out) has been

Right after I posted about Paul (22 months) letting the cat out, he came
up with another one along these lines--we have a ~70 lb dog who decided
to roll around on the ground a few days ago and ended up with his longish
black fur covered with dried grass.  Paul came up to him while he was
sitting in the grass and carefully brushed the grass off; then he patted
"Pete" on the head with a very gentle "Ohhhh".

>It's really cute to see this
>child/dog relationship develop.

Indeed!  We've had Pete for four years--we adopted him as a young adult dog 
after he was found stray in NY City--and he has been a great friend to all
three kids (not to mention being my faithful running companion!).  

Sue
From: ivy@hpscit.sc.hp.com (Ivy Griffiths)
Date: Wed, 2 Sep 1992 21:59:31 GMT
Subject: Re: Looking For Gynecologist
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Santa Clara, CA
Newsgroups: misc.kids

Try Tanya W. Spirtos, near Stanford, in Palo Alto.  The gals in my mother's
group who had her raved about her.  I also had a coworker go to her, and she
was very pleased.  I have gone to Dr. Shefren, who is a male, but a very
supportive and listening person.  I think you'll find him suitable (however
his co-Drs. are sometimes jerks, and you run that risk if you need to see
someone, and you're regular Dr. is on vacation.
Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: amdease@pbhyc.PacBell.COM (Ann Dease)
Subject: single parents
Organization: Pacific * Bell
Distribution: usa
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 15:03:43 GMT


I am working on a research paper focusing on the topic of single
fathers (if divorced, having primary custody) and am looking for any volunteers 
to participate in a brief survey.
Contact me via email.
Thanks.
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 11:51:53 EDT
From: Chris Himes <CLH7@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Rice as a finger food?

Douglas likes to eat rice, but is having trouble picking it up by himself
and has basically sworn off of spoons for the time being.  Does anyone have
a suggestion for making "rice balls" or something similar?  I'm trying to
figure out a way to get several rice grains stuck together so that they are
easier to pick up.

Chris Himes
Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: geoff@pmafire.inel.gov (Geoff Allen)
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 92 14:57:15 GMT
Organization: Roller Coaster fanatic with no hope for a cure
Subject: Re: trip to Disneyland with 4 year old
Summary: 
Followup-To: 
Distribution: usa
Organization: Roller Coaster fanatic with no hope for a cure
Keywords: Disneyland

lorange@spot.Colorado.EDU (LORANGE HANS P) writes:
>
>If not, get a stroller.  I know your daughter will
>say she is too old and she probably is, but they are free and can be used to
>carry your lunch, backpack, whatever and maybe give her a ride later in the 
>day when she gets tired.  You also can leave them outside of a ride and if it
>is gone when you get back, just show your receipt and get another one. 

I second the motion to get a stroller, but there is a charge for them. 
I don't remember what the cost was, but compared to the price of
admission, it might as well be free.

Geoff, who went there in May with a 2-year-old and a 6-month old and had
a blast!

-- 
Geoff Allen          \  Disneyland is going to be a place where you can't
uunet!pmafire!geoff   \  get lost or tired unless you want to.
geoff@pmafire.inel.gov \                    -- Walt Disney, 1953
From: ohrd!crobshaw@cs.toronto.edu (Catharine Robshaw)
Subject: Child's Education
Organization: "Ontario Hydro - Research Division"
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 92 14:10:41 GMT

My son Bradley is 11 months old.  One thing I have been thinking quite a bit
about it starting to save for his education.  I don't want to have to worry
about that at the last minute.  I've been approached, as I'm sure most of you
were after your child was born, by the various Scholarship programs to
start investing in one of these.  You pay a monthly fee, the younger the age
of the baby, the less the fee.  When (and if) your child goes on to secondary
education, all the money you put into the fund plus interest is given to you
on a yearly basis as you need it for tuition.  But if your child does not go
to secondary education, you only get the principal back and lose out on all
that interest.  Does anyone have any experience with these programs?  I
don't know if this has been discussed before, I have yet to see anything
on it.

Another factor is, that my husband and I are finding financial matters
quite tight right now.  Are there any other ways that you would recommend
to begin savings programs for this?

I would be interested to hear how others have handled saving for their
children's secondary education (hopefully they will all be going!)      

Thanks in advance.
Catharine Robshaw
ohrd!crobshaw@cs.toronto.edu
From: rcano@bnr.ca (Bob Cano)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Wood Playsets
Date: 3 Sep 92 17:42:59 GMT
Reply-To: rcano@bnr.ca
Organization: BNR Ottawa, Fibre Systems Development

In article <DcTHqB4w164w@kryton.UUCP>, ace@kryton.UUCP (Catherine Beckstead) writes:
|> jbrindle@halcyon.com (Jennifer Brindle) writes:
|> > 
|> > That sounds great.  My husband and I decided in May that we would purchase
|> > a swing set for our son, Brian, 3, this summer.  We looked around and
|> > also decided to wait until his parents came to visit in June-July and then
|> > he and his father would build a wooden set.  We bought plans and a videotape
|> > and I prepared myself mentally.
|> > 
|> > Well, it's September now and summer here in the northwest is just about gone.
|> > The swingset is still a dream.  His parents are long gone and not even the lu
|> > was purchased.  I could say "I told you so" but that wouldn't be protocol.
|> > 
|> > I've decided to purchase one next spring.  Absolutely.  And no one can
|> > change my mind on this!
|> > 
|> > 
|> > Jennifer
|> > [sigh] married to a planner more than a doer!
|> > 
|> > BTW, I would have built it myself except that I was busy having a baby
|> > this summer!  I just love building stuff.
|> > 
|> > 
|> > 
|> 
|> Well I've one-uped ya there!  My husband bought the wood.  :-)  That was
|> a year and a half ago.
|> 
|> 
We (Wife & self) bought one of the kits (Eagle's Nest, Maker ??). I
made a few alterations to the design for safety and durability etc, and
then bought the wood. It took one day to build it, It would have
taken less time if the Kids hadn't helped :-). Now all the neighbourhood
kids play in our yard, while their own metal swing sets are rusting
away. The most popular part of our set is not the swing, but the 
playhouse (with roof) over the sandbox.

For the person who wanted to keep cats out of the sand, we have found
two methods that work.

- periodicly sprinkle the sand with a very dilute chlorine bleach solution.
  5ml (1tsp) bleach per 4 litres (1 gallon) of water.
- Whenever we see a cat in the backyard, we turn on the hose, then chase
  the cat out with the nozzle set to a high power stream. Most cats
  will not return after the second application. We are dilligent about this
  since cats tend to bother our pet wabbit.
-- 
Bob Cano           Bell-Northern Research    | When all else fails,   
rcano@.bnr.ca      P.O. Box 3511, Stn. C     | read the instructions.
                   Ottawa, Ontario, Canada   | 
(613)763 4086      K1Y 4H7                   |
From: bweiss@cs.arizona.edu (Beth Weiss)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Feeling inadequate (Re: Baby Cries in Carseat)
Date: 2 Sep 92 15:01:05 GMT
Organization: U of Arizona, CS Dept, Tucson

vrs0@bunny.gte.com (V. Stern) writes:
|)  Many people, 
|> especially my husband's relatives, made me feel totally inadequate as a 
|> new parent about this (and other things) by saying things like, "Really? 
|> He *hates* the car?  I've never heard of such a thing.  All of *my* 
|> children loved to ride in the car.  They always fell asleep."  This was 
|> usually said in a tone of voice that implied that I must be doing 
|> something that I wasn't telling them to cause him to hate the car.

Chances are that your relatives are lying (or more kindly stated,
mis-remembering the truth).

My mother says things like this all the time.  According to her
memory, she was never morning sick, didn't have any tiredness through
her entire pregnancy, all four of her children (the largest was 8lbs
at birth) slept through the night at two weeks, rolled over by 6
weeks, we all walked early.

I had slight queasiness during early pregnancy and couldn't eat sweets
or grease--she "sympathised" with my difficult pregnancy.  (I thought
I got off easy).  Jordan didn't sleep through the night "until" 5.5
weeks and hasn't rolled over (at 7 weeks).  I think he's doing great.
Mom is concerned.

If Mom were accurately remembering, I might be worried that she knows
more than the books I read.  However, her memory and my father's don't
match.  He doesn't recall us sleeping through so early.  He swears I
didn't walk until 12-14 months, not the 9-10 my mother recalls.  

Depending on the attitude you wish to have, I'd say your relatives
whose kids "always" fell asleep in the car are lying to make you feel
inadequate, or have just chosen to forget the times the kid had
screaming fits, since if they remembered it, they'd go crazy :-)

--Beth Weiss
bweiss@cs.arizona.edu
From: lynnef@tekig1.PEN.TEK.COM (Lynne Axel Fitzsimmons)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Tax-deductible Childcare Expenses?
Date: 26 Aug 92 16:25:38 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Tektronix, Inc., Beaverton,  OR.


>Not to be picky but I understand that you can't take the child care
>deduction on the $5000 that you put into the pretax account, but you can
>take it on anything over that amount that you have to spend.
>So, if for example your day care costs run around $7000, which is my
>case, you can put $5000 into the child care flexible spending account and
>take the child care deduction on the remaining $2000.  The child care
>deduction doesn't work out to be much with our income level but every
>little bit helps!

Not quite.  If you put $5000 in your child care flexible spending account,
you may not take any of the child care credit on your taxes.  If you
put less than $4800 in you child care flexible spending account, you may take
the credit on the difference between the amount you put in and $4800.  True
to life example (simplified)

	child care expenses for 1 year:	$6000
	amount put into child care
		flexible spending acct:		$3900
	maximum amount to spend for
		tax credit:					$4800
	amount actually left to
		take tax credit on:			 $900

--
Lynne Fitzsimmons		lynnef@tekig1.pen.tek.com

"On the contrary, I have created a subroutine specifically
for you, a program within a program" - Data
Newsgroups: misc.kids