HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ae642@yfn.ysu.edu (Kelley Miller)
Subject: Re: nursery rhymes
Reply-To: ae642@yfn.ysu.edu (Kelley Miller)
Organization: St. Elizabeth Hospital, Youngstown, OH
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 13:34:12 GMT


In a previous article, ashok@regulus.Inria.Fr (Ashok Kumar) says:

>
>Mary had a little sheep
>With the sheep she went to sleep
>The sheep turned out to be a ram
>Mary had a little lamb.
>

Mary had a little lamb
It fattened as it grew
And when it died sweet Mary cried
And dined on Mutton stew...

Mary had a little lamb
Its stash was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
They both enjoued the blow...
(George Carlin)

Baa, Baa black sheep, have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full
One for my master, ande one for my dame,
And one for the government (taxes are a pain!!)

Little Baby Bunting,
Daddy's gone a-hunting
The game warden has took him in
The season still had not begin

-- 
*...your Friendly Neighborhood Atheist // "Peter...PETER!!  I can see    *
*      the KelleyMan:Kelley L. Miller // your house from here!"          *    
*                  ae642@yfn.ysu.edu // Jesus Christ, from the cross     *
****************Know God...No peace.  No God...Know peace.****************
From: bobdp@hpcvmcdj.cv.hp.com (Bob D. Peterson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Engineering jokes needed!
Date: 21 Aug 92 20:05:55 GMT
Organization: Hewlett-Packard Company, Corvallis, Oregon USA

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a service engineer
were travelling together in a car when one of the tires went flat.  The
electrical guy said it was a mechanical problem, so he could not repair
it.  The mechanical guy said it was a service problem, so the service
engineer had to fix the flat.  He worked for two hours and changed three
tires before locating the flat one.
-- 
   
Bob Peterson             Hewlett-Packard Co
bobdp@hp-pcd.cv.hp.com   Corvallis OR   USA
______________________________________________________________________
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: smw@wikki.b17c.ingr.com (mike wixson)
Subject: Re: 69 jokes
Reply-To: smw@wikki.b17c.ingr.com
Organization: Intergraph Corporation, Huntsville, AL
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 20:17:11 GMT

In article <92219.102526MBS116@psuvm.psu.edu>, MBS116@psuvm.psu.edu (Michael B. Smith) writes:
|> In article <1992Aug6.122543.18182@eagle.lerc.nasa.gov>, maven@lerc.nasa.gov
|> (Larry Fishbach) says:
|> >
|> >Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
|> >Ate something    (8. xxxxxxx....)
|> 
|> >> But do you know what 6.9 is?
|> >> a good thing fucked up by a period.
|> >
|>   what is 69 squared?
|>   dinner for 4.
|> 
|>  what is 68?
|>  you do me and i owe you one.

Q. What's the speed limit on sex?
A1. 68. At 69 she'll blow a rod.
A2. 68, at 69 you have to turn around.

-- 
	mike wixson	smw@wikki.b17c.ingr.com

 "Dreams are real while they last... Can we say more about life?"
						- Anonymous
From: keithg@hpdmd48.boi.hp.com (Keith Glasson)
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 08:27:57 GMT
Subject: Re: Re: Jokes about cowboys (rot13)
Organization: work
Newsgroups: rec.humor

>
>John T.
>-- 
>My opinions only, if you don't like `em don't read `em. 
>Hurricanes and Dolphins, my favorite weather phenomena and aquatic mammals, oh
>and also my favorite football teams. And remember to always genuflect in Shula's
>presence and to kiss his Super Bowl Rings. .........John "Dolphinatic" Turman
>----------

	I hope Don blows the dust off those rings before he
	makes me kiss them.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
From: ara@wam.umd.edu (Ford Prefect)
Subject: Re: Guns don't kill ...
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 02:04:27 GMT


>More linguistic nits here.  The phrase "Guns don't kill people; people
>kill people" is not true given the commonly accepted usage of "kill".
>Guns *DO* kill people.  So do automobiles, swimming pools, falls from
                                            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ha Ha Ha Ha, this is great!, I could see it now, on the 7 o'clock news :-)

"Gangs of vicious Swimming Pools are roaming the streets of D.C. 
 D.C. Police Cheif <whatshisname> says "They just sneak up on unsuspecting
 people and either crush them if they are concreet models or drown them
 if they are the above ground plastic type", owners of Pool supply shops
 are warned to protect themselves, these Swimming Pools will do anything
 for Clorine"

-ara
From: reid@metis.tti.com (Reid Kneeland)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Keywords: joke, very funny, haha, etc.
Date: 19 Aug 92 21:50:50 GMT
Organization: Transaction Technology Inc.

In article <14106@auspex-gw.auspex.com> johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:
>In article <1992Aug17.181150.4911@athena.mit.edu> sybok@athena.mit.edu (The Rifleman) writes:

>|Hunting, hunting, hunting.  You keep talking about arms in relation
>|to hunting.  THE SECOND AMENDMENT IS NOT ABOUT HUNTING!!!  The colonials
>|weren't hunting when they rose up against their oppressor to gain
>|freedom.
>
>Hmmm. Did they have rocket launchers and semi-automatic rifles when the
>second amendment was passed?  Just wondering?

They had cannons.  Do you think they used those for hunting?  And yes,
there were rockets; they'd been invented by the chinese many centuries
earlier.  The authors were entrusting ownership their deadliest weapons
to the general populace.  The second amendment doesn't say "muskets",
it says "arms", which to them meant the same sort of arms that the
government troops had.  And make no mistake, a musket ball to the chest
is pretty damn deadly (probably more so than the much smaller AK-47
round).

Do you think that radio and television are not protected by the first
amendment since they didn't exist at the time of its writing?  Just
wondering.

=====================================================================
Reid Kneeland
reid@ttidca.tti.com  (that's MISTER reid@ttidca.tti.com to you!)
{philabs,psivax,pyramid,quad1,rdlvax,retix,rutgers}!ttidca!reid
Transaction Technology Inc., Santa Monica, CA, USA (310) 450-9111 x2499
The opinions expressed above do not necessarily etc etc...

Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers.
From: speers@opus.mcds.com (Daniel E. Speers)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: NAMES - FUNNY
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 92 13:01:20 EDT
Organization: Dan's Domain, Randolph, New Jersey

hargrove@ramirez.mitre.org (Paul H. Hargrove) writes:

> In article <1992Jul31.155646.4458@makesys.com> john@makesys.com (John Turman)
> >In Miami there is a bakery called August Brothers Bakery. Well one of the Au
> >Brothers had a daughter and named her......you guessed it, June July. How'd 
> >like to have those parents? Seems like grounds for justifyable homocide.
> 
> My mother claims to have known and April May June.

  There's a story by a nurse I know who works in a children's
hospital.  From time to time non-english speaking people come
to this hospital to give birth.  During the experience, the
new & proud parents will be listening to words spoken in the
hospital so as to get ideas for names.  Here are some of the
names given to these children:

                  Vagina
                  Uteris
                  Placenta (popular one).

  Think of these kids in school!?!?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: sluzy@mksol.dseg.ti.com (Ray Sluzewicz)
Subject: Re: Confuscious says.......
Organization: Texas Instruments, Inc
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 21:25:56 GMT

In article <1992Aug17.024136.5379@latcs1.lat.oz.au> teh@latcs1.lat.oz.au (RICHIE TEH) writes:
>Howdy folks,
>
>	just wondering has anyone got any Confuscious says..... jokes.
>	For starters, I'll contribute mine:
>
>	Confucious says

        Man with hands in pockets feel cocky all day

        Woman who fly upside down have crack-up

        Man who lose key to girl-friends apartment
        gets no new-key.





Anonymous

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: alpha@hubcap.clemson.edu (Shekhar Borde')
Subject: Re: Sick Joke
Organization: Clemson University
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 17:47:31 GMT

ashok@regulus.Inria.Fr (Ashok Kumar) writes:

>Q:How do you kill a red elephant ?
>A:Shoot it with a red elephant gun.

>Q:How do you kill a green elephant?
>A:Shoot it with a green elephant gun.



OK. That's it. Now I'm really offended. I mean how sick
can you guys get. This is really disgusting.  ;-)
 

-SB
From: aaronson@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (David Aaronson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Funny?
Date: 13 Aug 92 21:15:38 GMT
Article-I.D.: news.1992Aug13.211538.27003
Followup-To: just about everything
Organization: Northwestern University, Evanston Illinois.

Warning the surgeon general has determined that the following subjects
are no longer funny, and have been determined to cause severe boredom in
laboratory rats:     [SO STOP POSTING THEM HERE!!!!!!!!]

- anything attempting to defend a particular religion from any other
  posts.  [you subscribed to that religion, now you'll just have to
  live with it]

- anyone whining about the fact that George Bush is a weenie, and is
  constantly serving as the target of this group.  [deservedly so]

- anyone providing biblical or historical corrections about jokes.
  This is rec.humor not rec.jeopardy so King James and the mohawks
  can just take a hike.

- stupid, aimless, non-humorous drivel concerning the dream team which
  should never have been here to start with.  
  [see rec.beat.on.puny.third.world.nations]

So there!   That's my 2c and I'm sure some other people's too.




Sticks and stones may break my bones, but they cant be e-mailed so HA!

-- 
/^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\
| David Aaronson   aaronson@casbah.acns.nwu.edu   Northwestern University  |
| 630 Lincoln St.  aaronson@aristotle.ils.nwu.edu Evanston, Illinois 60201 |
| -------------------------------------------------------------------------|
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
From: avik@icase.edu (Avik Banerjee)
Subject: Re: Guns don't kill ...
Organization: ICASE/NASA Langley
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 14:40:43 GMT

In article <1992Aug14.130431.25587@linus.mitre.org>, m15133@mwvm.mitre.org (Graham K. Glover) writes:
>In article <1992Aug13.204325.17929@news.yale.edu>, 
>swatt%mickey@net.yale.edu (Alan Watt) writes:
>
>>The correct statement would be "Guns don't murder people; people murder
>>people", as "murder" requires intent, which artifacts like guns don't
>>have.  In common usage however *anything* can be a "cause of death".
>>
>>The gun control debate is mired in enough emotionalism as it is.
>>Accepting sloppy thinking for the sake of a neat-sounding slogan does
>>not improve matters.
>
>Since you brought up the issue of sloppy thinking, let's clarify "murder" 
>a bit.  At least in the Virginia Code, murder is killing that requires 
>malice aforethought.
>

thats premeditated as opposed to involuntary... in Virginia Code that is

            ___ __    _ ______  __
           /   || |  / /| || | / /
          / /| || | / / | || |/ /
         / / | || |/ /  | || |\ \
        /_/  |_||___/   |_||_| \_\
  		@icase.edu
-----------------------------------------------
|"Only the insane have strength to prosper.   |
| Only those that prosper judge what is sane."|
-----------------------------------------------
From: jim@n5ial.chi.il.us (Jim Graham)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: ``The Dan Quayle Diktionary''
Date: 13 Aug 92 21:00:55 GMT
Reply-To: jim@n5ial.chi.il.us
Organization: me?  have you seen my desk?  : -)

apologies if someone's already posted something about this, but if so,
I missed it.  I spotted this book yesterday while at the checkout counter
at a bookstore, and couldn't pass it up...thought y'all might like to hear
a bit about it.  btw, throughout this post, assume that [sic] appears all
over the place.  :-)

the book is called ``The Dan Quayle Diktionary'' (With an introduction by
Murfy Browne).

the Forward goes something like this:

    My Fellow Ammericans,

    I never payed much attention to speling in school, but that
    all changed when I got to Warshington.  Suddenly I had to spel
    out isshues, polecies, and even the long names of comittees I
    was on so I could find out where they were meeting.  It wasent
    easy.

    Then Maralin suggested keeping a list of words that gave me the
    most trouble.  Over time, I develeped speling tricks to help me
    rememmber lots of them---word asociations, visualisation techniques
    and other nemonic devises.  Now I've brought some of these words
    and tips together in this dictionary.  I hope it saves you some
    of the time and aggravation I endoored.

    Sincerly,

    J. Danfourth Quayle

geez....I never thought it would be so tough to type something like
that....all those intentional mis-spellings --- the fingers just kept
insisting, ``NO! that isn't right!  we're not going to type that!''

anyways, the book goes on like this.  here's a line that is from the
next section, ``On Using a Diktionary'' ---

   ``The simpel fact is, most diktionaries contane far two many
   words.  Insted, why not have thoughsands of small diktionaries,
   each with only a few words?  Then, if you have to look something
   up, you could go rite to the proper diktionary, and only the word
   you need would be there.''

cute, eh?
   --jim

\input std_disclaimer                     % 73 DE N5IAL (/9)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"[...] the plural of `mongoose' ought to be `polygoose'." [Jargon file 2.9.10]

INTERNET:  jim@n5ial.chi.il.us  |  grahj@gagme.chi.il.us  |  j.graham@ieee.org
UUCP:  gagme!n5ial!jim@clout.chi.il.us
AMATEUR RADIO:  n5ial@n9hsi (Chicago.IL.US.Earth)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: crwg2707@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (R. Wagner)
Subject: Re: Elephant Jokes (Re: Q & A)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 19:21:19 GMT

gbrach@galaxy.gov.bc.ca writes:

>Yet another oldie...

>Q. How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?

>A. Paint it's toenails red!

><snicker>  Well, you asked...

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

Works doesn't it?


Ride on, 
Raydude.

"Ray, a man unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought." 
          -a Brannonism quoted by George Heinz
From: syspb@smartstar.com (Paul)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Jokes I heard on the radio today
Date: 21 Aug 92 21:05:46 GMT
Organization: SmartStar Corp. / Signal Technolgy Inc.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
The prostitute will stop screwing you when you are dead.

This lady goes into a deli and asks for a 5 pound salami.
The man behind the counter finds a good one, and starts to
slice it.  The lady gets mad and says "Hey, what do you 
think I am, a Slot Machine?"
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jwagner@news.weeg.uiowa.edu (Joseph F. Wagner)
Subject: Re: please help me name my machine
Organization: University of Iowa, Iowa City, IA, USA
Distribution: na
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 18:27:26 GMT

earlyd@ee.byu.edu (David Early) writes:


>In article <1992Aug12.161224.72@cbnewsl.cb.att.com>, saal@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (samuel.saal) writes:
>> In article <1992Aug10.154759.370@awdprime.austin.ibm.com>
>> ibmpa!cdc017.austin.ibm.com!lkoh@ibminet.awdpa.ibm.com writes:
>> 
>> >We get to name our machines at work here, and I am 
>> >in desperate need of a new machine name in a hurry!  
>> >Can you help me?  
>>



>I set up a Sesame Street network once: Big Bird was the server and we had five
>clients:  Ernie, Bert, Elmo, Grover and Snuffy.  (I used to work in a PBS studio)

>There is also a net in our building that uses the names of Star Trek characters from
>both the new and old versions: Worf, Picard, Troi, Kirk.  Spock is the server.

>Have Fun!!

>Dave Early
>earlyd@wombat.ee.byu.edu

I saw a place that used famous monkey's as their naming scheme. There server
was kong and there were machines like cheetah, joeyoung, mcgilla, grape, etc.

I use famous computer scientists, ada, babbage, turing, hopper, etc.

Joe
-- 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
| "I'm not an actor,         | Joseph F. Wagner - joseph-wagner@uiowa.edu |
|    but I play one on TV"   | University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa USA    |
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: pt@geovision.gvc.com (Paul Tomblin)
Subject: Re: Sick Joke
Reply-To: pt@geovision.gvc.com
Organization: Not officially GeoVision Systems Inc., Ottawa, Ontario
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 1992 01:31:17 GMT

alpha@hubcap.clemson.edu (Shekhar Borde') writes:

>ashok@regulus.Inria.Fr (Ashok Kumar) writes:

>>Q:How do you kill a red elephant ?
>>A:Shoot it with a red elephant gun.

>OK. That's it. Now I'm really offended. I mean how sick
>can you guys get. This is really disgusting.  ;-)

Yeah, why don't you x-post these things to soc.culture.elephant, and take
your lumps like a man....

These jokes are racist, speciest, and offensive to Pachyderm-Americans.

-- 
Paul Tomblin, pt@geovision.gvc.com (Canadian first, Quebecer second)
"We sealed our federal pact without bloodshed and without exploitation of the
weak by the strong.  All it took was fairness, justice and some compromises
on both sides." - George-Etienne Cartier, Father of Confederation, 1867
From: david@c-cat.UUCP (dave)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: ANTI "THE RULES" Why beer is better than Women (again)
Date: 19 Aug 92 21:25:58 GMT
Organization: Intergalactic Rest Area For Weary Travellers

WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

 1. you can enjoy a beer all month long.
 2. beer stains wash out.
 3. you don't have to wine and dine beer.
 4. your beer will always wait patiently for you
   in the carwhile you go play hockey.
 5. when your beer goes flat you toss it.
 6. beer is never late.
 7. hangovers go away.
 8. a beer doesn't get jealous when you grab
   another beer.
 9. beer labels come off without a fight.
10. when you go to a bar you know you can
    always pick up a beer.
11. beer never had a headache.
12. after you have had a beer the bottle is still
    worth 10c.
13. a beer wont get upset if you come home and
    have beer on your breath.
14. if you pour a beer right you'll always get
    good head.
15. you can have more than one beer in a night
    and not feel guilty.
16. a beer always goes down easy.
17. you can share a beer with your friends.
18. you always know you're the first one to pop a
    beer.
19. a beer is always wet.
20. beer doesn't demand equality.
21. you can have a beer in public.
22. a beer doesn't care when you come.
23. a frigid beer is a good beer.
24. you don't have to wash a beer before it tastes
    good.

These opinions expressed are not necessilary mine.
send flames to /dev/nul

                                                       -David

China Cat System     
(301)604-5976 8N1
david@sandr.com 
Xref: sparky rec.humor:26003 alt.fan.dan-quayle:2435
From: michael@marcel.bu.edu (Michael Chaplin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Re: Dan Quayle, who?
Date: 13 Aug 92 21:18:40 GMT
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: Boston University
In-reply-to: speers@opus.mcds.com's message of 12 Aug 92 18:01:27 GMT


 I just had to repost this to a.f.D-Q.
In article <55kePB3w164w@opus.mcds.com> speers@opus.mcds.com (Daniel E. Speers) writes:

     As the Republican convention draws near, and the quandry over
   who is Dan Quayle and why is he looking for fish (another joke,
   another day) grows, plots are being plotted...

       PRESS RELEASE FROM THE OFFICE OF THE president!

       On (day before convention) VP Dan Quayle will be going
      on a peace keeping mission to a little known island 
      somewhere to the east of Florida not too far from Bermuda.
       Due the the highly secret nature of this mission, we
      expect these talks to last for some time.
       The natives of this island have requested that Quayle
      come alone.  So we will put him on a small boat in a 
      secluded Miami dock and send on his quest.
       This trip should conclude sometime in December.

       In the mean time, we have chosen someone with brains -
      err - intelli - err - smarts to take Dan's place during
      the election.

   Some months later, a few days before the election, Bush would
   be asked about a little known VP being sent into the Bermuda
   triangle on a peace keeping mission.  Not knowing how to
   respond, thinks it over and coming up with a response surly
   to avoid further remarks says, "Quayle who?"

   Years later, stories would be told, lies covered up.  And
   there are a few who say, that on cold November nights on
   the beach in Miami, a lone voice could be heard rolling in
   with the waves...  "But I am the VP, really!"

   ------------

      Next time from the "Bush Platform" theatre,

	       Dan Quayle and the Attack of Tammy Faye Bakker

Well, *I* liked it...
Chaplin.
--
===========================================================================
Michael Chaplin                    Language is a virus from outer space.
michael@albert.bu.edu                     - William S. Burroughs

The Einstein Papers Project        The opinions contained herein reflect
Boston University                      neither those of the project, 
Boston, Massachusetts, U.S.A.          nor those of Albert Einstein.
Xref: sparky rec.humor:26707 soc.culture.polish:2038
From: ted@dgbt.doc.ca (Ted Grusec)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Date: 21 Aug 92 17:32:11 GMT
Organization: The Communications Research Centre

In article <1992Aug21.154039.2715@julian.uwo.ca> jv@irus.rri.uwo.ca (Jeffrey Verhagen) writes:
>In article <1992Aug21.044540.2056@r-node.gts.org> wizard@r-node.gts.org (Miroslaw Kuc) writes:
>>In article <1992Aug19.210307.10418@smartstar.com> syspb@smartstar.com (Paul) writes:
>>>I know some Engineers that use HP calculators.  They way you enter the
>>>numbers is different than most other calculators.  They call it
>>>RPN for Reversed Polish Notation.
>>>
>>This is an actual mathematical term.  It has to do with the way you enter your
>>numbers.  As opposed to saying 1+1 your do +1 1 or was it 1 1 + . I cannot
>>remember.  It has nothing to do with ethnic (polish in this case) jokes.
>
>The "Polish" notation technique of representing expressions was invented by a 
>mathematician of Polish origin. The reverse of this (reverse-Polish) requires 
>the use of a stack and can represent any expression without parentheses, 
>guaranteeing fast evaluation. I believe it *was* an example of prejudice to
>call the notation "Polish" notation, rather than to use the name of the 
>individual in question.
>
The individual's name was Lukasiewicz, and since this name does not
trip lightly down an Anglo-Saxon tongue, I hardly think it was
prejudice to call it "Polish" instead.  The name "Polish notation" was
decided by mathematicians and logicians, all of whom fully recognize
Poland's outstanding achievements in those fields in the 20th century,
so they can hardly be accused of the kind of prejudice you are
referring to.  It's called "Polish" for the same reasons that I
changed my name from "Gruszczyk" to "Grusec".  Please, folks, can't we
be proud of our heritage without paranoia!

-- 
==========================================================================
Ted Grusec    Communications Research Centre    (Govt. of Canada, DOC)
 3701 Carling Ave., Ottawa, Ont.K2H 8S2, CANADA  Internet: ted@dgbt.doc.ca
  Compuserve: 73607,1576  (613) 998 2762   Fax (613) 993 8657
Newsgroups: rec.humor,talk.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns