From: jholtgra@afit.af.mil (Jeremy C. Holtgrave)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Hate Computers
Summary: computer glossary
Date: 17 Aug 92 17:10:07 GMT
Distribution: rec.humor
Organization: Air Force Institute of Technology

>			Computer Glossary
>
>BYTE 			-- Short for "buy it." refers to how many peripherals
>			   you'll have to purchase to support a computer
>			   (e.g., there are 8 "buy it", 16 "buy it", or
>			   64 "buy it" computers)
>CARRIAGE RETURN 	-- What you do if you decide not to keep the kid.
>COLD BOOT		-- What a programmer puts on feet in winter.
>COMPUTER SCIENCE	-- The fastest growing voodoo art course in american
>			   colleges and universities today.
>DATA 			-- A nice-a italian girl.
>DOWN 			-- Said of a computer made of feathers:
>			   "That computer is down."
>DUMP 			-- The best place for computers
>ELECTRONIC MAIL 	-- Post office jargon for anything delivered in less
>			   than a week.
>EXPANSION SLOTS 	-- The extra holes in your belt buckle.
>FLOPPY DISK 		-- Serious curvature of the spine.
>FRIENDLY 		-- Said of anything associated with computers that is
>			   difficult to understand or does not work the way it
>			   says it will.
>INTELLIGENT 		-- A hypothetical term used in computing.
>INTERLACE 		-- To tie two boots together.
>INTERPRETER 		-- The person you take with you to the computer store
>			   to help you understand what the salesman is talking
>			   about; usually a twelve year old kid.
>KEYPAD 			-- An apartment with a lock.
>KEYWORD 		-- "Your place or mine?"
>LIGHT PEN 		-- A minimum sentence prison.
>LINE FEED 		-- "I've never met anyone as interesting as you
>			   before," etc.
>MENU 			-- An itemised list of ways to make a mistake on a
>			   computer.
>MULTI-PROCESSING 	-- To cook statistics more than once.
>NETWORK 		-- What fishermen do when not fishing.
>OUTPUT DEVICE 		-- A word processor who can't say "no!"
>PERIPHERAL 		-- Anything that costs a lot of money that can remotely
>			   be associated with computers.
>PROGRAM 		-- A random accumulation of bugs.
>PROGRAM COUNTER 	-- A parent who limits how much tv you watch.
>RAM 			-- Where most of the bugs are kept.
>ROM 			-- Where you put all the bugs that won't fit in the ram.
>ROUTINE 		-- A program that never works the same way twice.
>SILICON 		-- A foolish prisoner.
>SKEW 			-- Interface between consenting computers.
>SKEW FAILURE 		-- Premature calculation.
>SOFTWARE 		-- What hackers wear under their hardware.
>SUPERFICHE 		-- Moby dick, jaws, etc.
>TERMINAL INTELLIGENCE 	-- To be so smart it kills you.
>TIME SHARING 		-- What you do when only one of you has a watch.
>VARIABLE 		-- Anything with a fixed value you thought would change.
>WORD PROCESSING 	-- To change the meanings of words, e.g., to make the
>			   simplest communication completely unintelligible.
>WORK STATION 		-- A desk with a dumb terminal sitting at a computer.
>ZAP 			-- The ultimate bug killer.

CURSOR                  -- What you become after spending enough time
			   with a computer.

=====================jholtgra@scgraph.afit.af.mil==============================
Jeremy Holtgrave                          "Besides, we have more guns and bombs
Air Force Institute of Technology          than you."
Wright-Patterson AFB, Ohio
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Newsgroups: rec.humor