HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Nice Guys?
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 92 00:09:36 GMT

In article <1992Oct6.121342.4775@bnr.co.uk> dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
>In the referenced article pa_ross@csd.brispoly.ac.uk (Mr Rossy) writes:
>>
>>Finding a girlfriend is easy, finding one that you like is the real trick.
>>
>>					 Paul
>>					=----=
>
>Quite. Which is why I've come to the conclusion that it's just not worth
>worrying about finding someone any more -- the chances of finding someone
>you like as much as you like the look of just seem so slim, why bother? :-\
>
Live and learn. I think you will find that good looks are quickly
forgotten, and that someone you like looks better and better, to you,
the more you like them. If you find someone attractive, enjoy it. 
But remember, looks are just looks. You enjoy a rose by looking at it.
You enjoy a peach by eating it. Eat a rose and you will end up hungry.

Also, I have never found it easy to find a girlfriend, as I am so
selective.  This always used to seem to be so obvious. Why go looking
in a shoe store when you know what you want is a hammer? But, if
I had not been so selective, I might have found that someone who didn't
seem promising when I was getting to know her casually turned out to be
quite special when we tried be a couple.

It's not worth worrying about finding someone because it is much too
complicated to figure out whether what you are doing will get you 
what you want. But don't give up trying. Meet as many people as you
can. Besides helping find a girlfriend, it will help you learn spot
people's weak points before you get sucked in by superficial things 
like looks. 

Running low on metaphors,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: robg@citr.uq.oz.au (Rob Geraghty)
Subject: Re: An emerald as an engagement ring?
Organization: Prentice Centre, University of Queensland
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 02:53:25 GMT

"Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz" <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:

>ring. But then I like emeralds a great deal. I think diamonds are nice,
>but after realizing that they're mined in South Africa (a great majority)
>I would rather not contribute to their government. So I'd rather have
>an emerald.

OK - how about an Argyle Champagne Diamond?  (not a white diamond)
They're from western australia! ;-)

Unusual colour, and it's a diamond so no problems with soft stone.

(OK so I'm plugging for Oz...)

Rob
Official Journeyman-Harper of the RFA

--
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rob Geraghty                         | Time, flowing like a river
robg@durian.citr.oz.au               | Time, beckoning me
CITR                                 | APP
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Help!  What should I do? (Very long)
Keywords: Please read
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 92 01:09:47 GMT

In article <BvpIC8.EDn@acsu.buffalo.edu> v119qkv2@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (POE) writes:
>
>	I have a problem.  I really have nowhere else to turn, so I'm seeking 
>the advice of total strangers here on the net.  Here's the situation...
>	I'm interested in a girl.  She and I are good friends.  She has a boy-
>friend.  He and I are friends.  Not "best" friends, but friends nonetheless.
>He and She have been going out for over a year.  However, they have been having
>relationship problems for quite some time.  It seems they have a little spat at
>least once a week.  Both have threatened to "breakup" many, many times, but yet
>they're still together.
>
(much more deleted).

I am not surprised that you are confused in a situation like that. 

If you would like her to be your girlfriend (or whatever), you don't
want to get involved in the breakup in any way. In fact, you might want
to back away from her a little bit. If you look like the cause of the
breakup, not only will you annoy her boyfriend, but she will always
think of the breakup as your fault. Also, if you are critical of her
current boyfriend, no matter how much he deserves it, you will be
earning a reputation in her eyes as a disloyal person.  Not a good
start. Wait till they break up.

Also, if you want her to be your girlfriend, you don't want to
'lay your cards on the table'. This is almost always a mistake.
Honesty is the best policy with friends, but if you want someone
to fall for you, you need to avoid looking like you are pushing
them. Be warm, be supportive, be charming, but don't tell her
that you have plans for her. 

Look are not very important in an ongoing relationship. 
They are handy in getting someone you don't know to hang around 
long enough to get to know you, but when you are talking about
someone you know well, you can pretty much forget about them.
How you two deal with each other is much more important, and 
that is mainly a reflection of both of your personalities.

So, my advice is that you either be patient and wait for them to break
up (which may not happen, or may not happen for a long time), or, you
forget about romancing her. Decide which course you think is better for
you and stick to it.

Good Luck,
Michael.
From: moore7004@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Gifts for Men (Re: Anniversery Gift Suggestions?)
Date: 12 Oct 92 06:18:42 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

In article <sepMt=600iUzE1mX5N@andrew.cmu.edu>, "Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz" <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:
> What kinds of gifts do the guys here think are romantic and something
> they'd like to get? Suggestions?

A car.  A hot tub, maybe.  A gold card.

Actually, though, I don't know what kind of guy you're dealing with, right,
this is a sticky and tricky subject, really, but...if it 'twas me, I wouldn't
really mind at all, it IS the thought that counts, but the most romantic thing
I ever got was a simple little gold chain that I just wore and wore and wore
until it broke.  Sure, it's a cliche, but cliches are cliches mainly because
they WORK for so many people.  Or, you know, I've never gotten a flower before,
always thought that would be very cool.  Lots of times, you know, I'll be with
a girl, and she'll get me a CD or something and I'll get her a CD or something,
and it's not so much the gift, but that part right after where you look right
at her and go, "Thank you," and you REALLY mean it, 'cuz there she is, THERE
SHE IS...
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: diana@wetware.com (CatWoman )
Subject: Re: Gifts for Men (Re: Anniversery Gift Suggestions?)
Organization: Castle WetWare MouseCatcher
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 03:40:46 GMT

"Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz" <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:

] A question. I often see suggestions for gifts, etc. for women, but
] rarely do I see suggestions of what to get men for their birthdays,
] christmas, anniverseries, etc.
] 
] What kinds of gifts do the guys here think are romantic and something
] they'd like to get? Suggestions?
] 
] ag

Best thing I can say is:

For ANY person, the most romantic gift you can give
them is the one that shows you think about them.  No
bunch of flowers or ring or stuffed bear will automatically
be considered romantic by YOUR partner.  I know it 
would not be considered so by mine.

Case in point - I was in a drug/discount store, and I
was walking through the toy section.  I know my guy
is very into military history - so I found a small toy
tank.  In itself - that's not "romantic", but from me
to him - it IS a love token, and means all the more
because it shows him I know what is important to him.

It's not any specific WHAT that signifies "romantic",
it's a what that means something special from you to
him (OR her - this is GenderPreferenceNeutral Advice).
The only specific I would suggest is something very
small.  Something that can go on a key-ring will be
with your person and remind them of you.  Just get to
know what YOUR specific person would consider romantic.

Diana
Xref: sparky alt.romance:12474 alt.romance.chat:19287
From: heckler@lab5.smcm.edu (David B. Heckler)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.romance.chat
Subject: how to tell if you are in love
Date: 10 Oct 92 23:38:13 GMT

Love or Infatuation?

Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling
to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes
root and grows -- one day at a time.
Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are
excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging
doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your
beloved that you would as soon not examine.
Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection.
It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you, to bolster
your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is
away. Miles do not seperate you. But near or far, you know he is
yours and you can wait.
Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk
losing him."
Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with 
confidence."
Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest,
you will admit it is difficult to be in one another's company
unless you are sure it will end in intimacy. Love is the
maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can 
be lovers.
Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he's
cheating. Sometimes you check.
Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He
feels that trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy.
Infatuation might lead you to do things you'll regret later,
but love never does.
Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. 
It makes you a better person than you were before.

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: dahead00@nx28.mik.uky.edu (Zippidy Do Dah)
Subject: Re: Liking too many people
Organization: University Of Kentucky, Dept. of Math Sciences
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 08:25:46 GMT

In article <1bhtl0INN3pj@agate.berkeley.edu> bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu  
(Billy H. Chan) writes:
> Don't really know if this topic has been covered before or
> anything, but anyway, I'll try to keep this short. 
> Basically, I find myself liking almost every female I come
> in contact with.  I'm not really sure if it's healthy (ie,
> am I just overflowing with hormones, is that normal/natural?)
> Does this count as lechery, and if it does and I want to
> remove my lecherousness, any ideas on that?  For instance,
> there's this female in my class that I really like.  I've asked
> her out and such, and I think I like her alot (think about her
> alot and such), but a few days ago, I met this other female
> (who's involved with my suitemate, which makes me feel doubly
> guilty/evil for liking her) and I think I like her too.  Any
> ideas, help, etc?  Thanks in advance.

Billy, Change liking to licking if you truly wish to become a lecher..
Of course this may lead to larger circle of female friends....

Zippy D  Who prefers licking his cat but hates the hairballs
Xref: sparky alt.romance:12327 alt.sex:32171
From: ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu (Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
Subject: Re: Nice Guys?
Date: 7 Oct 92 13:57:42 GMT
Organization: Engineering Design Research Center, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA

Excerpts from netnews.alt.romance: 3-Oct-92 Re: Nice Guys? by Alan
Smith@lamar.ColoSta 
> I'm going to ressuect an old concept just for you: The Date.  On a Date, 
> two people go out, maybe take in a movie, eat some food, make googley 
> eyes at each pother and fight over politcs for an evening.  Then they go 
> home.  The next day, one of them calls the other one up and says "Hey, 
> that was fun, you wanna do it again?"  If the other one says "yes" enough 
> times, they are "going out," "SOs" "Going steady" etc.  If not, then they 
> each go their separate ways.

I disagree. 'The Date' does not have to lead to 'going steady' or being
'SO' 's by the second date. I've gone out on more than one date with people
which didn't develop into going steady. With a few it's developed into a
very good friendship. Either because of him or me or both.

Dates are chances to get to know people a little better, or spend more
time with someone you already know. They aren't strictly in search of 
SOs or with your RP. I go out on dates with other women. That doesn't
mean I'm attracted to them romantically.

ag
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: HELP!!
Date: 12 Oct 92 17:33:33 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <BvwxBE.K1F@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> enrietjr@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (jennifer) writes:
>
>I need suggestions on just HOW to approach a guy that I like...  
>We have already gone out on one "date", but it was more of a thank you for
>something that he did for me. As the 'pseudo-date' drew to an end, he did 
>say that he would like to do something like that again,but I have no patience
>what-so-ever!   Should I call him? (Are men offended by that?) Should I wait
>for him to call me? (He is relatively shy) We will definately see eachother
>in a couple of days, but between now and then, we are both stuck here on an
>all but deserted campus! (October break)
>
>-*-Jennifer-*-
>

It sounds to me like you should call him. There are some men who really 
need to make the first move, but I there are few of them. And if he is 
shy, he would probably be glad that someone made the first move.

If you do ask him out, have a date planned out in advance. It doesn't
have to be a fancy date.  Generally, you want to act as though the
reason you want to go out is for fun, and you have chosen to ask the
other person out because you think you will have fun with them. What
you are trying to avoid is looking like the date is just a stepping
stone on the way to a relationship, because this can scare the other
person off. You want the other person to get used to enjoying your
company before you give any hint that something more could develop
between the two of you.

If he turns down your offer of a date, you want to treat it as though
it is an inconvenience, because you won't have the date, not like it
is the end of the world. He may just be a little slow in understanding
the situation, so don't be afraid to ask a few times at least.

Good Luck,
Michael.
From: marcia@netcom.com (Marcia)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Hunt them down and kill them (ALSO Advice on Long Distance Romance)
Date: 10 Oct 92 05:39:41 GMT
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II

In article <2OCT199212024732@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov> afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison) writes:
>Very `Zen' of you, Glen. Revenge serves no one. Still, wouldn't it be fun to 
>take that piece of raw bleeding tissue that *once* was your heart out and force 
>that other person to look at it ... 
>
>to see their own handiwork... 

No. Because then you might be forced to look at the bleeding hearts that you
have caused....and you already know what they feel like.

>Not revenge, just make them realize what they are doing so they can modify 
>their behavior and perhaps stop lying to others (and, no doubt, themselves) 
>about their wants and needs and, in that process, manufacture pain for both 
>parties. 

I think you're assuming that the behavior is avoidable. Sometimes you are
stuck with a really painful choice: leave, and hurt the person some now, or
stay, and hurt you both infinitely more in the future. Sometimes s/he just
doesn't love you. 

I've been hurt down to the quick. I've also hurt others. It's worse to hurt
others. I can't see how people would do something like that lightly.
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                  ADDRESSES: marcia@netcom.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."                                     mlb@cisco.com
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Advice for Confused Soul
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 92 02:26:27 GMT

In article <15OCT199216233002@venus.tamu.edu> rwb7054@venus.tamu.edu writes:
...
>I am extremely attracted to this girl, but there are a few kinks in the
>rope.  One, she is dating a guy who lives about 90 miles from here.  She met
>him this summer while she was working there, and they've been going out
>since late August.  She and I have talked about this relationship, and it
>doesn't seem to me like it is anything super serious, but I never can tell.
>
I know this bothers you, but I think this is almost irrelevant. You should
trust this girl, or why get involved with her? And if you trust her, you
should trust her to sort out whether she wants to hang on to this 
relationship or take up with you.

>Secondly, the "pledges" have been discouraged from dating/seeing any of the
>active members(i.e. myself), and I am worried that if I tell her about my
>feelings for her, I will put added pressure on her, and that is the last 
>thing I want to do.
>
Again, I think you should trust her to make her own decision on this. 
Of course, you have to decide whether or not you personally should
take this stuff seriously.

>Every time I'm around her, I am completely starstruck. She and I are extremely
>close, and she can read me like a book, so I feel like I can't look her in the
>eyes because I'm worried she will be able to see how I feel about her.  We
>have always said that OUR relationship is based on trust, and I feel like I'm
>breaking that trust by not revealing my feelings to her.
>
Don't be afraid to show how you feel. Show it in your eyes and in your 
voice. She is unlikely to have a negative reaction to seeing how you feel. 
What she might not like is if she feels pressured to do something she
doesn't want to do, and in this case you will have to be tactful to
find out whether she is comfortable with dating you.

>Should I say something to her, or should I wait?
>
You shouldn't say how you feel, you should show it. She will get the
idea. Saying you are interested (attracted, in love, whatever is
appropriate) tends to sound like a demand for similar feelings in
return. You don't want to pressure her like that until she has had
a chance to make up her own mind. The more you pressure her, the
less likely you will be to win her over.

It sounds like you have made a good start. Take your time, have
some faith in her and yourself, and things may work out for you.

Peace,
Michael.
From: trdste01@uctvax.uct.ac.za
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How long has it been?
Date: 7 Oct 92 11:18:16 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: University of Cape Town


In article <1992Oct6.142724.23605@cbfsb.cb.att.com>, jjd1@cbnewsg.cb.att.com 
(james.j.dutton) writes:
> In article <1992Oct6.134605.16183@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> mneeley@nyx.cs.du.edu (Mark Neeley) writes:
>>How long has it been since you were kissed by a member of
>>the opposite sex?
>  
>  Could you be a little more specific as to what kind of animal?
                                             ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This could become particularly nasty when refering to _PAST_ kissing partners!
|-)

In answer to the first question : not since about seven mothes ago with one
with whom I was intimitaly involved, on her birthday when that night she
decided that one kissing partner was enough. It is now my birthday!


 
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: dave@bradley.bradley.edu (David Vessell)
Subject: Re: Won't have Sex with a Fat Guy
Organization: Bradley University
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 92 22:41:49 GMT

weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver) writes:
>In article <1992Oct13.161621.6126@bnr.ca> P.8188 writes:
>>[Y'all know the story by now.]


>First, withholding sex is a punishment, at least from his point of
>view. Punishment associates something unpleasant with a behavior
>that you want stopped. But in this case the behavior is eating
>too much or exercising too little, yet the punishment is for
>being fat. He's not going to learn anything that way.

Punishment is not necessarily bad, depending on how one goes about it.  By
that I mean it doesn't have to be unreasonable and cruel.


>Second, withholding sex is going to make him feel unattractive. When
>people feel unattractive, they stop thinking about how the look because
>it is depressing, and so they are unlikely to do anything to look better.

Only if there is no support from her and no other options offered.


>Third, losing weight takes time, so any incentives or disincentives
>need to be ones that can be repeated frequently.

With this I agree.

>So, I think she needs to convince him that she still finds him
>attractive, but she would like him better if he lost weight.  She needs
>to consistently reinforce him when he behaves in the the appropriate way
>(eating less or exercising more). Someone else suggested that she
>exercise with him, and make it into a togetherness thing. The same
>could be done with meals. Also, she could convince him that sex will
>be better for him if he is in shape, not because he will look better 
>to her, but because he will feel better.

Or she could make resumed sex a reward in itself (rather than choosing to 
view the lack of it as punishment).  There's a lot of ways this situation 
could be handled, so long as she is understanding and he is willing.
-- 
=========*davE*.....making the world safe for intelligent dance music.=========
     Your shame is neverending. Just one psychological drama after another.
--------------------------{dave@bradley.bradley.edu}---------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: blazic@ecf.toronto.edu (BLAZIC Joseph R)
Subject: A brief observation
Organization: University of Toronto, Engineering Computing Facility
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 05:20:45 GMT

This has probably been written before (but t if not then I copyright it):

The trouble with "love" is:

1.  It is man-made (or person-made, as you prefer)
2.  It is undefined.

This is a crazy combination.

/Joe Blazic
From: AVERNON1@ua1vm.ua.edu (Andrew Vernon)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How do you tell a girl your feelings?
Date: 9 Oct 92 16:46:47 GMT
Organization: The University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa


 In <1at65rINN6cr@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> cf017@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Christopher P Readence) writes:
>
>>I've known her for almost 5 years now.  I think she liked me when
>>we first met, but I wasn't interested because she was 16 and
>>I was 20.  Aside from the age issue, she was and is my closest
>>friend -- we think think almost totally alike.
>>In the past year, I've noticed her acting more and more like "more
>>than a friend".  I told her I wanted to be friends, and that's all,
>>but I've noticed that my feelings for her have been leaning
>>towards romantic love and not, as I've told her, platonic love.
>
>>We're really good friends, and I know she'll still be a friend if
>>I tell her my feelings, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to if she
>>tells me "LJBF".  What should I do, just come out and say it, that
>>I'm crazy about her now, or should I first do a little probing to
>>see if she's still interested?
 
Guideline number one: DON'T DO IT!!!! Every female friend I've approached
in this situation, save one, has turned on me. Enjoy what you have and
for God's sake don't mess it up.
 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=  A n d r e w   V e r n o n =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                    Living Between the Lines....
                       Anything is possible...
                      And we're gonna prove it!
   Internet: AVERNON1@UA1VM.UA.EDU DGIF#9691 BITNET: AVERNON1@UA1VM