From: farris@ruhets.rutgers.edu (Lorenzo Farris)
Newsgroups: talk.religion.newage
Subject: Re: sexuality in today's world
Date: 6 Oct 92 12:08:50 GMT
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.

In article <1aq67aINN35q@gap.caltech.edu>, tt@wag.caltech.edu (Toshi Takeuchi) writes:
> Why is sexuality such a hot topic?
> 
I know it's rhetorical, but I'll bite anyway. It's because we live in 
such a sexually repressed society. I think there is such a focus on it
because it is not an individual, but a group, biological necessity.
Everything you do that affects other people gets judged and legislated
and moralized over.  Especially sex, because, 'cause when biology and
human interactions mix, watch out.
How often do I ever hear someone criticizing the enjoyment of food?
Almost never, because I can eat at home, in private, and no one else
is affected.
But just like everything else in this multiverse, if relationships,
sexual and otherwise, are approached with mindfulness, these too
become part of the path of awakening. If I see a cute person, I will
first become aware of why I find them attractive.  Try to see how much
of that attraction is just automatic, conditioned stuff.  Is it a
feeling I get about them, etc.  When I interact with a person, I do so
with my whole being, and give them my full attention.  I learn from
them and about them.  It's pretty obvious at this point that this is a
bit different from the average behavior of domesticated primates in
the local meat market.  There's nothing intrinsically wrong with what
they do, in fact it is a biological group survival imperative.  I'm
just not interested in having biology be the determining factor of MY
behavior. 
Tantra involves using everything in your life as a means of enlarging
awareness. One may find, because of one's practice, that sexual
pleasure isn't worth the undesirable concomitants--ties of energy with
another person distracting you, sexual possessiveness, etc.  Or maybe
you find someone with whom making love is such a uniting and uplifting
experience that it is an integral part of expanding one's
consciousness.
I find for myself that, while I really enjoy sex, and it has in the
past been a means for expanding my awareness, the nasty side effects
are more than I want to deal with right now.
> 
> A person asked me, 'Why is it "okay" to enjoy a beautiful sunset, but
> "wrong" to look at a beautiful woman lustfully?'
> 
Easy answer: to 'lust' after someone, on the basis of appearance, is
to treat them as an object.  They are less than a person then. This is
of course assuming the idea of lust means: Gee, I'd really like to get
into her pants.  I don't think loving kindness and compassion have
much to do with what is going on at this point.  Also, for myself, I'd
like to have another basis of behaviour than my crotch.

A lot of this post reinforces from a different viewpoint what Toshi
had to say.  Mindfulness is really the only formula I can recommend,
since of course everyone has different needs.  For myself, now, I have
become so sensitive, that I can feel when someone is thinking about
me, how they are thinking about me (not the words, but the emotional
content), etc.  So biology is automatically mitigated for me, since I
don't interact with just a body, but an emotional being.  One problem
with that in this society is that, being as it's so sexually
repressed, people are throwing around a lot of sexual energy, mostly
unconsciously and unintentionally.  Sometimes it feels good.  Usually
it feels rather harsh and aggressive.  Usually I feel it from women,
since they are societally conditioned to project sexual energy in
their interactions with men, sometimes I feel it from men as well.
More commonly, from men I will get more raw aggressive energy, though
sometimes I will get that from women.  

To put that in a nutshell, there is nothing wrong with sex, but practiced
with consciousness, it becomes an entirely different beast.  So much
of it involve conditioning, and reacting to cues that we aren't
normally consciously aware of.  But for that matter, I don't think
it's a great thing to automatically start scarfing down chips when the
TV goes on, either.  I'd rather make each chip a spiritual experience.
:-)

		Yours in sexual frustration,
			Lorenzo
-- 

"Ask me a riddle, and I [should] reply,       Lorenzo Farris
`Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie'"     farris@ruhets.rutgers.edu
                -Winnie the Pooh          
[bracketed addition mine]                 
Newsgroups: talk.religion.newage