HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: russ@bbx.basis.com (Russ Kepler)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Mea Culpa
Date: 14 Sep 92 16:56:54 GMT
Organization: BASIS International, Ltd., Albuquerque NM USA

In article <1myn_-d@lynx.unm.edu> hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman) writes:
>In article <LARRY.92Sep13201606@peak.psl.nmsu.edu> larry@peak.psl.nmsu.edu (Evil Engineer doin' it the Cowboy Way) writes:
>>Why, Russ, to try to see *THEM*, of course!
>
>!Peeve: Watching Russ do his *THEM* impersonation, complete with sound
>effects. Way cool. 

The hard part is the cleaning up the spilled sugar sacks.  Messy.

-- 
Russ Kepler, Basis International Ltd. russ@bbx.basis.com  phone: 505-345-5232

                 Do not throw rocks at this signature
From: booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Boss Peeve
Date: 15 Sep 92 18:32:17 GMT
Organization: The Autodesk Menagerie - Housecat Division

In article <BuKGyC.Lw3@nic.umass.edu> jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:
>>
>>	I was here first, twinkle-tits, and while you appear to have what
>>it takes to make it here in Peevetown, ear-warmer is not going to be your
>>occupation.  Eye-candy, perhaps, but certainly not ear-warmer.  Now if
>>you had a flat spot on your head...
>>
>
>Well, I don't have a flat spot, but I *can* tie a knot in a maraschino 
>cherry stem with my tongue.  I was doing it for years before Twin Peaks,
>and unlike Sherilyn, I don't need any camera cuts to accomplish this.



After reading the various notes about Miz J's nipples and her ability
to tie knots in cherry stems with her tongue, I hereby (in my capacity
as Undertaker and Funeral Director) appoint Ms. Henny Gutbezah our
One-Woman Peevetown Red Light District.

Congratulations, Jenny, you have provided our fair (cough) town with
a much needed feature. The lamppost is over there in front of Bab's
Tavern.


ER - Peevetown InHuman Resources Dictator and Sinister Undertaker

--

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I can't help it, I was born sneering."
			-Pooh Bah
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: parr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Charles Parr)
Subject: Re: on men
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 92 14:18:28 GMT
Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta

In article <LARRY.92Sep13200642@peak.psl.nmsu.edu> larry@peak.psl.nmsu.edu (Evil Engineer doin' it the Cowboy Way) writes:
>In article <BuHBxM.9u3@nic.umass.edu> jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny
>Gutbezahl) writes:

>   A man, a plan, a hat - Panama
>
>a man, a Ptah, anal panamA ? <it is, eh?>

>Peeve: Non-palindromic paralogisms.

Larry, I will bet you 12 donuts you can't say that three times
fast in front of witnesses.

What a disgusting little phrase.

Regards, Charles
-- 
Within the span of the last few weeks I have heard elements of
separate threads which, in that they have been conjoined in time,
struck together to form a new chord within my hollow and echoing
gourd. --Unknown net.person
From: george@windslc.seri.gov (Harry K. Rishna)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Amex traveler's checks
Date: 15 Sep 92 15:48:12 GMT
Reply-To: george@windslc.nrel.gov
Organization: Colorado State Reformatory for Young Hussies and Trollops

ChazL@county.lmt.mn.org (Chaz Larson) writes:

>Oooooo, boy.  I see this ad on TV every day, and it's really getting on my 
>nerves...

>and goes on to tout the incredible value of traveler's checks with two 
>signatures, so that both Mr. and Mrs. Vacationer can cash them. 

You think the ads are peeveworthy? Just try using the damn things. We thought
they sounded convenient, so for our (!Peeve) recent trip to Thailand, we bought
$1000 worth. Some places cashed them with no problems, but the usual response
from the Thais was:

"You have a check that has been signed with two signatures when you bought it.
Therefore you must have two people sign it before I will cash it."

Me: "Look - there's only room for one signature down here!"

TP (Thai Person): "You must have two people sign it before I will cash it."

Me: "Look - you seem to speak good English. See this line where it says,
  'Valid when signed with one of the above signatures'? That means only one
person needs to sign it."

TP (Thai Person): "You must have two people sign it before I will cash it."

and so on... Sometimes the situation could be resolved by having them call
the AmEx head office in Bangkok, sometimes not. Even the bank with the 
'American Express Travellers Checks Welcome' sign made me wait for 20 minutes
while they checked with 3 different levels of management.

Friends don't let friends buy AmEx travellers checks.

-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
George N. Scott                         EMAIL: george@nrel.gov
Wind Research Program (formerly SERI)   VOICE: 303-231-7667
National Renewable Energy Laboratory    1617 Cole Blvd., Golden, CO  80401-3393
From: shag@aero.org (Robert M. Unverzagt)
Newsgroups: alt.flame.spelling,alt.peeves
Subject: Re: A definate handicap
Date: 11 Sep 1992 19:38:51 GMT
Organization: Organization?  You must be kidding.
NNTP-Posting-Host: aerospace.aero.org
Keywords: true, chuckle

In article <1992Sep6.001706.3520@dg-rtp.dg.com> cochran@spam.rtp.dg.com (A. Jing Hippy) writes:
>
>		[spelling flame deleted]
>
> I *will* point out that this came from rec.humor.funny, but I don't find
> it all that humorous.  I see people get out of cars at drive-thru machines
> all the time.  Suppose I'm a passenger and ask the driver to stop by the
> bank for me. I'm on the wrong side of the car and either have to get out
> or give the driver my secret code number.  While I might give that number
> to a lot of friends because I trust them and/or assume that they'll forget
> it before we hit the bank driveway, I certainly wouldn't pass it out to
> just anyone I happened to be in the car with.
                                          ^^^^
Can I include a grammar flame in alt.flame.spelling?  Thank you.

Shag

-- 
       Rob Unverzagt        |
  shag@aerospace.aero.org   |  "I've seen your revulsion and it looks
unverzagt@courier2.aero.org |   Real good on you..."
   18348@rhodes.aero.org    |                       --  Hole
From: donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Massachusetts (was Re: Boss Peeve)
Date: 15 Sep 92 18:17:15 GMT
Organization: TOSHIBA America MRI, South San Francisco, CA

In article <190djbINNaqf@bigboote.WPI.EDU> padutton@wpi.WPI.EDU
(Peter Alan Dutton) writes:
>In article <1992Sep12.233824.16556@news.iastate.edu> z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson) writes:
>>	Sadly, I refuse to enter Massachusetts for several reasons.  The
>>prime reason is that I don't like their laws.  A secondary reason is that
>>I don't like their drivers.  Finally, it's too damn far to drive just to
>>check out a pair of nipples.
>
>Point 1: You don't like their laws? What is THAT supposed to mean?

Oh, silly little things, like the fact that you can be sent to jail for
a year for driving through the state with a BB gun in your back seat...

    don
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
        We should measure progress not by how many laws can
        be passed but by how little governing people need.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don Baldwin  -  Software Engineer  - e-mail to:  donb@tamri.com
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: cryst@belay (Crystal Bell)
Subject: Disrespectful people
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1992 00:07:21 GMT

        Hi, You'll have to excuse me but I thought this would be the perfect
place to post this. 
My Name is Crystal 
Peeve: (Not meaning any offense at all to sny Senior Citizens out there) 
I know that seniors can be really, really obnoxious sometimes. But that is 
still No reason to be obnoxious back. I am Nineteen but It still irks me 
to see a senior citizen being treated rudely in public. That also goes for
handicapped people. I was on the Bus (Public transit) today , it is a route
that is traveled by several senior citizens. Unfortunately it is also 
traveled by a bunch of teenagers. (I'm not complaining about teenagers in 
general. Just those who give the rest of us a bad name.) Anyways all along 
the route Seniors were getting on. On our transit system there are seats
designated very plainly marking certain seats as designated senior citizens
and handicapped persons. Priority seating.  I have always been taught to give
my seat to a senior citizen. and These people (The young ones) just sat there
watching these seniors struggling to keep their balance.  This wasn't helped 
any  by the driver. Who I might be tempted to think his licence came out of 
a cracker jack box.

                        Just had to say my Piece (Or is that Peeves)
                                         **Crystal**

Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC))
Subject: wasted time
Organization: University of Maryland Baltimore Campus
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 15:56:00 GMT

peeve: finding that i do rise to bait. arguing with someone long distance
	over something highly emotional and finding that we are on opposite
	ends of the spectrum and there's no point in discussing it.

peeve: that otherwise intelligent people can fall prey to bizarre propaganda.
	makes you want to throttle them. makes you wonder how many more are
	out there just like them. scary.

-l "sadly, wiser" p
-- 
-lp  **********************************************************************
*   "the *ocean* is affected by the phases of the moon but men aren't?!"  * 
*							--Anne Tucker     *
***************************************************************************
From: padutton@wpi.WPI.EDU (Peter Alan Dutton)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: on men
Date: 13 Sep 1992 22:12:57 GMT
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
NNTP-Posting-Host: wpi.wpi.edu

In article <1992Sep13.081239.12141@cs.yale.edu> yarvin@cs.yale.edu (Norman Yarvin) writes:
>padutton@wpi.WPI.EDU (Peter Alan Dutton) writes:
>>Well, remember that the staking out of territory is an instinct common
>>in the lower animals (apologies to Gary Larson).
>
>Lower animals?  That is completely backwards.  Staking out territory is an
>instict of the higher animals.  Lower animals don't even have the foggiest
>idea about where they are.  It takes something relatively intelligent, like
>a wolf, to have the concept of territory.  And in the highest animals --
>human beings -- the territorial instinct reaches its peak.

Hey - there are lots of geography-deficient people who haven't the
foggiest idea where they are...

Peeve: Car passengers and (mainly female) comedians who don't believe
	that when I say "I'm not lost", I really mean that I'm not
	lost and that I can get where we're supposed to go with
	no problem. Now just because THEY don't know where they are
	doesn't mean I'm lost.

Statement: I like maps. Makes it easy not to be lost even if you've
	never been to that particular city.

Anyway (if anyone is still with me), I want to let my Yale buddy that
I was just quoting (probably not exactly) a particularly funny 
"Far Side" cartoon. Hope you've seen it (it makes more sense in
context). But I liked your point anyway.

However: Even viruses know where they are, else they'd be trying to
	replicate in the wrong places...

Peter!
From: mark.lewis@madness.network23.com (Mark Lewis) 
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: THE MALL OF AMERICA!!! TH
Date: 13 Sep 92 19:31:00 GMT
Distribution: world
Organization: Terminal Madness BBS - Newport, RI - 401-848-9069
Reply-To: mark.lewis@madness.network23.com (Mark Lewis) 

-> Greetings!!! For anyone interested in bitching about the Mall of
-> America, we here in Minnesooota have a friend who loves the great MOA
-> like it was

I have ONE question.....what IS the Mall of America?????
                                          
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: cochran@spam.rtp.dg.com (A. Jing Hippy)
Subject: Re: Contest!
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 92 11:33:13 GMT
Organization: A Suffusion of Yellow
Keywords: Losers

In article <la86h7INN1os@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM>, geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) writes:
|> 
|> 
|> In article <1992Sep02.001428.3215@CS.ORST.EDU> tim@physics.orst.edu writes:
|> 
|> >|> What was the name of Nick and Nora Charles' dog?
|>  
|> >   The answer, vaguely remembered by many, was Asta.
|> 
|> Awesome.  Now how about letting the other shoe drop: Who are Nick and
|> Nora Charles?

Omigod.  Watch it, Tim.  Next thing you know, Nosy will be getting into 
this thread and trying to convince you that they were contemporaries of
Dan Fogelberg.

+--------------------------------------------------+
|Dave Cochran, Data General Corporation, RTP, NC   |
|cochran@dg-rtp.dg.com                             |
+--------------------------------------------------+
|What to do I find it hard to know. The road I walk|
|is not the one I chose.   -Yes                    |
+--------------------------------------------------+
From: dre@catnip.berkeley.ca.us (I would like to return this TOBACCONIST; it is scratched)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Self-Assembly (was Caffeine and mornings)
Date: 13 Sep 92 19:14:59 GMT
Organization: The San Jose Home for Perverted Hackers

potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC)) writes:

>*   "the *ocean* is affected by the phases of the moon but men aren't?!"  * 
>*							--Anne Tucker     *

Of course we are.  Most of us have to deal with women on a regular basis.
-- 
"If I had killed her when I had first thought about getting divorced,
 I would have been out of jail by now."
	-- A newly-divorced guy I met at a block party
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: banta@blagg.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Self-Assembly (was Caffeine and mornings)
Date: 9 Sep 1992 15:38:43 GMT
Organization: Sun, Moon, and Stars
NNTP-Posting-Host: blagg

Santa's little helper, (A. Jing Hippy) writes:
>|> [drew's smug bookshelf story deleted.]
>
>Peeve: People who are good at this sort of thing and don't understand why
>others can't be.

Peeve: People who think skills are acquired by Tinkerbell flying by
and pranging your head with a glittery wand.

Why don't you try making a set of shelves for your garage or shed or
someplace where they won't be seen.  It's good practice and you don't
have to embarrass yourself.  Or you could admit that you lack the
inclination or gumption to try and shut the fuck up.

>I hammer like lightning.  I never strike the same place twice.  I couldn't
>saw in a straight line if my life depended on it.  A screwdriver is drink
>made of orange juice and vodka.  A plane is something you fly in.

Oh, good attitude, Dave.  You forgot to mention that you'd shred your
fingers into something you could fry up as a burger in five minutes.

>I don't understand it, really. I'm quite artistic and good with my hands in
>other ways (I'm told), but when it comes to woodworking, I make a magical
>transition from artistic to autistic.  

I suppose you've done the Mona Lisa around your girlfriend's navel
with edible body paints?  The "Bearded Mona Lisa."

Making furniture isn't brain surgery and it isn't art.  It's very
simple mechanics.  If you go to your shop with something more than
free form expressionism in mind, you might get favourable results.

Sheesh.

drew
banta@abingdon.sun.com
--
"He who hasn't hacked assembly language as a youth has no
 heart. He who does so as an adult has no brain."  - John Moore
From: mhart@blackjack.dt.navy.mil (Michael Hart)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Nipple debate (was: Boss Peeve)
Date: 15 Sep 92 10:28:50 GMT

In <1992Sep14.224604.4394@news.iastate.edu> z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson) writes:

>hosch2263@iscsvax.uni.edu writes:

>>        However, for the record, I am a 38DD...

>	Congrats and all that -- you are Peevetowns official Ear-Warmer,
>just as soon as the Immigration and Employment officers get done with
>the paperwork.  You know how slow beurocracies can be sometimes...

Now wait a minute.  Have to get the protocol right here.  
First of all, Elaine is Peevetown Funeral Director and Human Relations
type, right?  So, I believe she should be the one to actually make the
job offer, especially for one so image-important as Ear-Warmer and
Provider of Gratuitous Juggles.

And besides, we don't even know if her nipples stand up.

--
|   Michael G. Hart                   mhart@blackjack.dt.navy.mil    |
|--------------------------------------------------------------------|
|     You think _I_ speak for the government or the navy?  HAH!      |
| Aviation, computers, quality improvement, Northern Exposure, money |
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC))
Subject: Re: on men
Keywords: giant toilet bowls, rump deformities
Organization: University of Maryland Baltimore Campus
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 18:20:12 GMT

In article <lb1lviINNd8m@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM> banta@blagg.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking) writes:
>I can.  I can also whip it out anywhere and do the same.  There is
>photographic proof that I've pissed on both of JZ's trucks and his
>356.

my, but mom must be *so* proud.

>Clearly, you're a repressed lesbian.  Read any Andra Dworkin lately?
>Or have you heard that line before?

newbie clue: this is straight out of the alt.peeves archives. except, if
	memory serves, andrea was spelled correctly the first time, no?

anj, this is incorrect, this is homophobic, but this is not offensive to
me. surely, you can do better.

and just for nostalgia's sake...

-l "no, andy, that's your elbow" p
-- 
-lp  **********************************************************************
*   "the *ocean* is affected by the phases of the moon but men aren't?!"  * 
*							--Anne Tucker     *
***************************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl)
Subject: Re: Diagonal street-crossers
Organization: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 11:01:10 GMT

Peeve:  Those idiots who stop at stop lights so that their front end
completely fills the pedestrian crosswalk.  I refuse to risk being hit
by cars driving on the perpindicular street just because these idiots
can't figure out how to work their brake AND use basic depth perception
at the same time.

I usually just end up climbing over their hood.  It's a little extra
effort, but I think it's worth it.

Jenny
-- 
***************************************************************************
jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu is Jenny Gutbezahl @ Univ. of Mass, Amherst
****************************************************************************
These opinions are NOT mine, I don't know *what* I was thinking....
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Subject: Re: Mechanics and their ilk
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
Date: Mon, 7 Sep 1992 04:08:14 GMT

In article <1992Sep2.143552.9840@dg-rtp.dg.com> cochran@spam.rtp.dg.com (A. Jing Hippy) writes:
>
>Curtis, a map of Australia, laid over a map of the U.S. drawn at the same
>scale, will show you that Australia doesn't lack much being as large as the
>continental U.S.  

Not on the Mercator projection it won't.

!Peeve: the Mercator projection.  Centuries old
and still the best map around.

Why?

Because it's not only nifty-keen for navigation,
it's efficient: it shows the important places
big and the useless places small.

Now there's a map for you.

c
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: rickg@netcom.com (Rick Gordon)
Subject: Re: Forgery Peeve
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 92 00:29:59 GMT
Organization: Netcom - SF Bay, Cal Northifornia
Followup-To: alt.peeves
Distribution: alt

In article <ATAYLOR.92Sep11170031@gauss.nmsu.edu> Nosy writes:

>	Suffering from forged articles posted to the net 
>	under my ID is quite peevesome.
>
>	Too peevesome to properly peeve about, really;
>	more of a rant/rave than a peeve.
>
>	And THAT peeves me as well.
>
>Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Cut it out, Roger.

-- 
Rick Gordon       | "I was gratified to be able to answer promptly
rickg@netcom.com  |  and I did.  I said I didn't know."  M. Twain
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson)
Subject: Re: Some Peeves
Reply-To: z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson)
Organization: McOlsen's Lutefisk Burgers -- one served.
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 16:55:52 GMT

tjc@castle.ed.ac.uk (A J Cunningham) writes:
>Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Not Al Crawford) writes:

>Peeve: trying to get Robert Millar's autograph while some demented woman
>explains that Jesus loves me and died for my sins.

>>(*) Correct response, delivered in a suitably sepulchral voice, is "Yes,
>>but my master Satan, lord of darkness, pays dividends." 
>
>I find "You're perfectly correct" works wonders. 

	I've also found that the quote from Highlander works well.  "That
shall be his undoing."  Other classic responses are, "Yes, and I'm trying
to make it worth his while," "Then I've nothing to worry about, have I?"
and the ever-popular, "I'll give a good word to Odin on his behalf, then."

--
<Dan Sorenson, DoD #1066 |"There'll be angels on Ariels in leather>
<z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu | and chrome, Ridin' down from heaven    >
<viking@iastate.edu      | just to carry me home." -- R. Thompson >
< ISU thinks I need more education, which they provide for a fee. >
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: rickg@netcom.com (Rick Gordon)
Subject: Re: The unbearable shitsubo of being
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 92 01:00:41 GMT
Organization: Netcom - SF Bay, Cal Northifornia
Followup-To: alt.peeves

In article <BuFuE0.7t7@nic.umass.edu> Jenny Gutbezahl writes:

>Hey, leave Krystal out of it, too.  I know a really cool post-op transsexual
>named Krystal.  The funniest thing about Krystal is that she spent thousands 
>of dollars getting her willie removed, and now she's a lesbian.  The saddest
>thing about Krystal is that its been some three years since the operation and
>she hasn't been laid ONCE!  The straights won't go near her cause she ain't
>got a dick, and the dykes won't go near her 'cause she used to.
>
>Also she can't get a job - she claims she's discriminated against.  I told her
>she shouldn't advertise the fact.  She's got two birthdates on her resume, one
>as a male, and one as a female.
>
>On the bright side, she says she has better orgasms alone with her clitoris
>than she ever had sharing her cock with someone else.  So I guess its worth
>it to her - also she used to look like John Denver, and she doesn't any more.

I'd like to nominate this post for *some* high honor, but I'm damned if I
can figure out what might be even tangentially appropriate.

Congratulations, anyway.

>jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu is    :  "It just feels right"

-- 
Rick Gordon       | "I was gratified to be able to answer promptly
rickg@netcom.com  |  and I did.  I said I didn't know."  M. Twain
Newsgroups: alt.peeves