From: beck@cs.UAlberta.CA (Bob Beck)
Subject: Fluffy News Network Special Report
Organization: University of Alberta
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 17:28:34 GMT



		Fluffy News Network Update


	The Ualberta game, after an unfortunate crash and restore, 
is now progressing nicely.  

	Firstly, the headlines from the tabloid: 

        -=[ The Empire Enquirer ]=-
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
!   "Because Enquiring Minds Want to Know!"      !
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
       Wed Aug 12 09:12:08 1992

Orleanais wreaks havoc on Hajtaj!
Scratchy agression against Metzada has lessened slightly
VIOLENCE ERUPTS! -- Hajtaj wages war on Orleanais
Resvon seems to have forgotten earlier disagreement with Elaking
Carnage wrought by Elaking on Resvon continues unabated!
EVIL_EMPIRE leader confesses!: "I am Elivis's love child"

	And we see that *Violence* is starting to grip the earth (heh heh)


	Hajtaj, contentedly occupying one of the upper slots on the power
chart, seemed to appear too ripe a target for Orleanis to pass up. A lightning
attack by Orleanis succeeded in plundering Hajtaj's nice fat capital.

	Unfortunately these two are being very quiet about their nice
private little war.. How bout it guys?  Let's see some windbagging and
chestbeating here!!

--------------	
	

	Scratchy and Metzada, on the other hand, aren't so quiet.  The
Scratchy navy landed the welcome wagon on Metzadan shores on Monday,
and they had proceeded go after everything within reach.  Yesterday,
however Metzada started putting up a good fight, and garnering some
powerful allies against his invader:

--------------
> Announcement from Scratchy, (#17)  dated Tue Aug 11 17:00:09 1992
The scene fades in on the situation room, located beneath the
north wing of the Palace. The room is buzzing with activity.

A large table in the center of the room displays an up to date
tactical map of the region. Personnel hurry about, busily
compiling and relaying current information, and the military
hierarchy discuss tactics and strategy with ministers. 
<cont>

The King walks in, somewhat annoyed at having to call short
his Bungee Jumping lesson. He walks over to where a television,
tuned to CNN, broadcasts the latest headlines...

"...In today's top stories, the governments of Actium and Evil
Empire have dispatched military advisors to aid Metzadan
liberation forces. Meanwhile, the official Metzada news agency
reports fighting the imperialist Scratchy aggressors to a
standstill..."
<cont>

"Shocking. This is almost as bad as those rumours of Bill
Gates' getting married and reproducing.", remarks the King.
"Very well. Execute plan B."

The ministers look at the King and the each other, puzzled. 
"Is that the one where we paradrop 'Elvis in his Vegas days'
impersonators and cause mass hysteria?", questions one of
the ministers.
<cont>

"No no, that one's reserved for Resvon.", replies the King.

"Is it the one where we flood the airwaves with Liberace and
cause mass hysteria?', asks another minister.

"Egad! That's only in case of extreme emergency.", states
the King. "No no, Plan B is where we..."
-------------------------

	Well, I'm not sure what plan B was let's see...

------------------------
> Announcement from Metzada, (#31)  dated Tue Aug 11 17:24:59 1992
(Metzada is temporarily incapacitated by a wave of mass chuckling  
throughout the countrysides)

> Announcement from Metzada, (#31)  dated Tue Aug 11 20:09:34 1992
Metzadan Weather Central

All citizens are warned to remain indoors, as it seems to be
raining extensively outside today.

Thank you.  We now return you to the fireworks show.
------------------------

Tue Aug 11 20:02  fifty times Metzada arty pounds Scratchy sector to rubble

------------------------

	Perhaps Scratchy's plan B was that of cowering in your holes and 
being clobbered by artillery fire... yeah.. that's it! :)
 
	Meanwhile, there's always the other people in the cluster: 

---------------------

> Announcement from EVIL_EMPIRE, (#3)  dated Tue Aug 11 23:16:17 1992

Because the nation of Scratchy has decided to start military
actions against an ally of EVIL_EMPIRE, (and because
he's in the same cluster as us) EVIL_EMPIRE has also
declared WAR on this lame fodderous country with
a REALLY dumb name.  There just isn't room in this
cluster for da both of us dude... }:)

-=THE EVIL ONE

--------------------

	However, just noticing the f-word in that last anno reminds me of
something else. Perhaps it occured something like the following: 

-------------------

	Dateline : Morg Zanth ... Seat of the EVIL_EMPIRE throne..

	The Dark One paces restlessly in his throne room, his evil Queen(s)
avoid his wrath.. he is in a foul mood. 

	"Nothing is Happenening!" he roars!  His advisors tremble at the 
	sudden outburst.

	"The Evil Populace is becoming indolent and lazy!! They're too 
	bloody pampered!!" 
	
	The Dark One heads for the files and returned with a well-used
	folder marked:
	`EE-45791 Imperial Directive for Inducing Natural Selection' 

	He hands it to the minister of the Interior:  "Implement this 
Immediately!" 

	The minister sighs and shaked his head.. He has implemented this
plane many times before, when the Dark One reached his vilest moods.. He 
wonders to himself if the Evil One will ever tire of it..
----------------------------------------------
Mon Aug 10 20:01  EVIL_EMPIRE citizens starve in disasterous famine three times
---------------------------------------------

	:-)  Nothing like keeping a reputation alive is there? :-)

	Elaking and Resvon also have a long standing disagreement.
After an exchange of insults they discovered that they were practically
neighbors, with ensuing carnage: 

-------------------------------
> Announcement from Elaking, (#18)  dated Tue Aug 11 18:45:27 1992
The sighting of two dark brown ocean
currents flowing past Elak Isle has
been explained as belonging to Mighty
Resvon.  Elak Sanitary Engineers have
been dispatched and work has already begun
at purifiying the ocean again.
One of the perculiarities noticed was the
fact that the detrius had formed
little clumps spelling out:
"Resvon dat away ====>".
A Elak patrol boat is currently
observing Resvon, upwind from the island, of course.
Elak.
-----------------------------------

	Of course, the peculiar phenomenon of claimed waters has been
noticed by some of the players.  Some folks started exploring out from
their islands in nice straight lines claiming water as they went.
Some more dark minded individuals have noticed that by folloving the
lines of colored confetti on the water, they can sail right to the
island in question :)

Last but not least, the power list..  One person in particular has been 
commenting frequently on it : 

-----------------------
> Announcement from Afrika Korps, (#6)  dated Wed Aug 12 06:18:33 1992
Looks like the world is still in it's rightful order
(at least according to power :-)
-----------------------
	
	It remains to be seen how long he can keep the yellow jersey with the 
big pangean bullseye on it :-)

------------------------

     - = [   Empire Power Report   ] = -
      as of Wed Aug 12 11:08:06 1992

         sects  eff  civ  mil shell gun  pet iron dust food oil  pln ship money
Afrika Ko  55   96%  24K 150    0    0    0  2.1K 1.9K  11K 2.0K   0    3   20K
  5721.85
 Negatarr  55   96%  24K 350   25    0    0  2.5K 1.3K 4.5K 100    0    6   25K
  5691.62
     Pern  55   95%  23K 350    0    0    0  1.9K 1.2K 7.8K 1.2K   0    2   35K
  5504.00
Park_Plac  55   82%  24K 300   50   20    0  2.8K 1.1K 4.8K 650    0   10   10K
  5382.52
   Syzygy  55   89%  24K 350  100   25  150  1.6K 950  6.5K 1.4K   1    0   10K
  5281.06
Aquilonia  50   87%  23K 250   20   25  400  2.6K 550  5.2K 850    4    6   15K
  5242.90
   Sardar  55   86%  23K 400   25   15   50  1.7K 650  4.7K 500    1    4   15K
  5104.64
 Vulgaria  50   81%  23K 200   50   10    0  1.9K 550  6.2K 850    2    4   15K
  5072.62
 The_Scum  50   69%  22K 150   25    0    0  2.7K 1.9K 3.4K 800    0    0   20K
  4751.60
     HELL  55   68%  21K 450   20    4    0  1.1K 950  4.3K 350    0    3   35K
  4661.70
  Krikkit  55   71%  20K 150   25   10    0  2.4K 650  2.9K 400    0    3   30K
  4600.98
  Finland  55   81%  19K 100    0    0    0  1.9K 750  6.0K 450    0    3   20K
  4597.90
  Elaking  50   82%  19K 900   50    5    0  1.6K 500  2.6K 550    0    7   10K
  4548.79
   Actium  55   75%  18K 350   50   15    0  3.1K 700  3.9K 450    0    2   20K
  4541.38
   Hajtaj  45   91%  19K 350    8    1    0  1.2K 2.9K 5.8K 400    0    1   15K
  4503.58
Stronghol  55   72%  18K 250  100   15    0  2.5K 1.4K 6.0K 900    0    3   20K
  4497.65
Graahoeje  50   74%  19K 750  100   10    0  1.7K 400  5.1K 700    2    8   10K
  4378.22
Metallica  55   64%  21K 700    0    0    0  1.4K 550  6.7K 800    0    3   10K
  4289.88
  Metzada  50   72%  17K 700   16   10    0  950  1.6K 5.2K 1.2K   0    0   30K
  4263.14
Orleanais  60   64%  16K 450   50   15  100  1.4K 500  3.3K 650    1    6   20K
  4194.45
NOGS_Inc.  55   46%  18K 1.1K   0    0    0  3.3K 600  2.1K 400    0    0   15K
  4105.90
 Scratchy  55   65%  18K 250   25   10   50  1.4K 600  5.2K 400    1    4   10K
  4072.84
   Resvon  55   64%  19K 150    0    0    0  1.5K 400  3.0K 500    0    0   20K
  4064.63
EVIL_EMPI  50   60%  19K 350    0    0    0  1.1K 800  4.8K 500    0    8   15K
  3997.23
Brigadoon  55   66%  17K 550  100   25    0  750  800  2.9K 450    0    2   10K
  3848.36
    Itchy  55   50%  16K  10    0    0    0  1.1K 300  3.1K 550    0    2   35K
  3556.66
Temestron  50   53%  14K 1.4K  25   10    0  1.4K 200  6.5K 200    0    5  5.0K
  3165.51
Revelghos  55   44%  13K 350    4   10    0  1.1K 750  4.5K 250    0    2   15K
  3005.47
Corto_Mal  55   43%  13K  47    0    0    0  1.9K 700  3.3K 150    0    0   20K
  2921.49
  Valinor  55   29% 9.0K  32    0    0    0  1.2K 350  1.5K 850    0    1   50K
  2542.05
          ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----
worldwide 1.6K  70% 573K  12K 900  225  750   54K  27K 142K  19K  10  100  570K

	
	That's all for this week folks. Stay tuned for next week when 
we are sure to feature even more blood, gore, and other sensationalist 
journalism.   And for the questions: 

	Is Guzzer Itchy? 
	Is Guzzer Scratchy? 
	Is Bill Clinton EVIL? 
	Is Elvis alive and living in Resvon? 
			
	Enquiring minds want to know. 

--
 Bob Beck, beck@cs.ualberta.ca  University of Alberta, Edmonton, Alta. Canada.