From: awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu (angela watson)
Subject: Re: Consistency (was Re: Help)
Summary: Consistency? NEVER!!! 
Organization: The Eternal Order of Chaos 
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 05:58:28 GMT

In article <C0HtA7.2Hq@NCoast.ORG> brown@NCoast.ORG (Stan Brown) writes:
>In article <1993Jan7.122651.833@udel.edu> awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu (angela watson) writes:
>>	And since I must always speak of myself no matter what the topic
>>(and you thought I didn't notice this? >grin< )... my ex asked me the other
>>night if I needed someone to talk to... of course I blew it off (reflex
>>action) when I really wanted to say yes.  I do need to talk to him... 
>
>With respect, you do _not_.  You may need to talk to someone (most of us
>do), but not him.

	Oh yes I do... in the very least about some financial matters
that were not totally tied up.  While I'm not bothered by leaving a 
bankrupt estate (it would break even if not for the laywers...), I would
like to settle certain things personally.

	We happen to still work together are are still friends... and 
as hard as it may be to believe, he says he still loves me (and I know
I still love him).  I left him quite abruptly with little explination...
I wound up lying about why I was leaving because I physically couldn't
explain to him why I _had_ to leave if I still loved him.  There are
certain things I'd like to talk to him about -- not for his sake, but
my own.

>
>>as I told him, what interest could he have now in my problems when he wasn't
>>interested in them when we were living together?
>
>And you have just said why.

	That was more of a barb at him for ignoring me when we were
living together... he was genuinely worried about my state that day
(he's the one who sent me home early because I was sick -- even though
I protested).

>
>>Me: "It doesn't matter, I'll be dead soon anyway..."
>>Him: "Is this something you're planning or are you just expecting it to       
>>	happen?"
>>Me: "(shrug shoulders) I dunno... haven't decided yet."
>>Him: "Ooo-Kay... (puzzled look)" and gets back to work...
>
>A little consistency, please! 
>
>This is someone whom you're no longer, in today's euphemism, "seeing."
>Why on earth _should_ he be interested?  What response _should_ he make,
>given that you are no longer involved?  I think he said exactly the
>right thing.
>[.sig deleted]>

	He's the one who expressed interest and concern for my well-being
first... I didn't ask him to ask if/what was bothering me.  I certainly
wasn't going to start talking about it at work.  (The whole thing arose
from a book a special ordered and was a bit anxious about having anyone
see what the full title was.)  He said what he usually said (living   
together or not)... if he doesn't like the answer, that's what he does.

	I don't know how 'over' things are for us... it'd be easier to
deal with him if I had left because I didn't love him anymore... I loved
him enough to leave before he came home one day to find my cold body
curled up under the covers of our bed staring at him with dead eyes. (At
least now he is used to me not being around...)

	*ug*  too bad I don't hate him...

	Psycho Kitten
	(as inconsistant as ever...)

-- 

Angela M. Watson / awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu /       [.sig under] 
Psycho Kitten   / zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu    /       [construction] 
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday