From: djw@wang.com (David Weinstein)
Subject: Borg Jokes!
Organization: Wang Labs, Lowell MA, USA
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 20:21:16 GMT
Summary: Dont get mad at me for putting this here! 
Keywords: Kira's my babe!



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The following are jokes posted in the Delphi Science Fiction SIG
forum, by various forum members.

 - - -- Lucutus of East Borg (near the East Borg Radio Shack in Assim,
at Assim Mall Eight)

>>>>>>>Two part Borg jokes

Q: What spreadsheet software do the Borg use?
A: Locutus 1-2-3

Q: What software do the Borg use to tally wives of assimilation
victims?
A: Locutus 1-2-3 for Widows

Borg 1: Well, we've assimilated every species in the known
        universe...What are we going to do now?
Borg 2: We're goin' to Dis'nyland

Q. What does a depressed Borg say?
A. Everything's NOT futile.

Q: Why did the Borg cross the road?
A: Standing there was futile.

Q: What do you call a conceited Borg?
A: "Average."

Q: What do you call a Borg with no arms and no legs?
A. An Appliance.

Q: What do you call a person who becomes a cyborg, is patched up
and made organic, becomes a cyborg again, and gets religion?
A: A Borg again Christian.

Q: How many Borg does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All of them.

(or)

Q: How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Illumination is irrelevant.

Q: What's the Borg's favorite PBS show?
A: This Old Collective Conscience

Q: What's the Borg's favorite movie?
A: The Assimilation of the Lambs

_______________________________________________________________

>>>>>>>David Letterman is Irrelevant.  Or is that "Irreverant"?

 - - ---------------------------------------------------------------

Top 10 Reasons the Borg have NOT returned to fight the Federation
again:

10. New assimilation software turned out to be vaporware; back to
square one when the supplier's 1-800 number was disconnected.

9. Assimilation of Locutus caused chaos as the Borg became caught
up in a massive Sam Spade adventure game craze.

8. If Earth were assimilated, the commute from Borg home planet
would be a killer drive.

7.  Collective Borg decided a cube was to complicated a form -
awaiting building of a new pyramid ship.

6. Earth was too blue for their tastes; they were hoping for an
emerald green planet, something in a teal, with tasteful lavender
clouds.

5. Bidding war for exclusive appearance in Coke or Pepsi
commercials too agonizing a choice... returned home to rebuild
decision circuits.

4. Earth too close to the sun... would ruin their cultivated
pallor.

3. They heard that Worf bragged of personally kicking their butts
if they showed their face in the sector again...began laughing
for first time, haven't stopped yet.

2. $29 navigation chip failed..they now have NO idea where Earth
is..wandering out by the Cardassians, asking directions.

And the number one reason the Borg haven't returned to Earth....

1. WESLEY CRUSHER

(Your jokes are too funny.  You will be assimilated.  Your piece
de resistance is useless.)

"I agree.  If I were the Borg, I also would fear and be in awe of
such a magnificent intellect as that of Wesley Crusher.
Obviously just the thought of trying to assimilate such powerful
thought patterns would be enough to unnerve them... :)"

Worf: Captain, I am receiving a simultaneous broadcast on all
channels, all frequencies!

Riker: [Making a "Riker Face"(tm)] What?

Worf: It appears they are saying ...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"

The Borg tried to assimilate Wayne's World.  As if!

 - - -------------------------

Two Borg walk into a bar.  One Borg says to the other, "Did you
hear about that city that was burned down in Argentina?"  The
other Borg replies, "Yeah, just goes to show you; Resistencia is
fusil."

    A Borg was walking down a country road when he saw a donkey
in a field nearby.  Climbing over the fence, he pulled out his
hand weapon, prayed loudly, and disintegrated the creature.
    The farmer who lived there ran out the door.  "What in the
world was that?"
    "Why," said the Borg, "What else?  Ass immolation."