From: robert@askinc.ask.COM (Robert McMullen)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.pro-wrestling
Subject: Re:  Real Halloween Havoc Lowdown
Date: 15 Sep 92 18:23:55 GMT
Organization: ASK Computer Systems, Inc.

I just talked to Bill Watts (not) and due to pressure from The Man
Upstairs (tm) and his Commie Traitor Bitch Girlfriend (tm), the "wheel"
we see in the Halloween Havoc (tm) ads will be slightly altered
starting with WCW Saturday Night.  Since Fall sweeps will be only a
month after this exciting PPV, here are the new match formats (in
alphabetical order):

     Barbie Doll Wire Match
         (sharpened Barbie parts are glued to wires which are tangled 
          in the ring ropes)

     Chamber of Whores Match
         (the object, of course, is not to escape but to *stay
          the longest*...Madusa and Missy as special refs.  Also,
          add a couple other wrestlers and it becomes "Whore Games
          '92")

     Coathanger Abortion Match
         (your guess.....)

     Exposive Match
         (winner is the first to tear off all of the other's clothes.   
          No, make that *Missy's* clothes, then we ALL win!)

     I Quit Match, aka "BelushiBrawl"
         (both contestants are deluged with caffeine, nicotine, 
          chocolate and drugz for weeks prior to match, then locked
          in a padded room alone with each other.  First to get 
          through cold turkey and get out the door wins...loser goes
          to rehab.  Note that this match could go on for a while--
          like a couple weeks/months--come to think of it, just like
          a Tsuruta/Misawa match...)

     Lariat Match
         (both wrestlers are tied to Stan "the Lariat" Hansen.  First 
          wrestler to touch the other to four posts consecutively, while 
          dodging chaw spittle, abusive language and clostheslines from 
          Hansen, wins)

     Loser Leaves for WWF and Life of Jobbing for Virgil Match
         (self-explanatory, probably wouldn't happen unless the loser
          in question has held a WCW title before)

     Prince of Darkness Match
         (I'm not sure about this, but I think it's where both
          guys have to dress up like Prince and sing and prance...in the
          dark, I guess.  Johnny B. Badd special guest ref...)

     Prinze of Darkness Match
         (both guys dress up like "Chico", loser has to blow his own 
          brains out; Jack Albertson special guest ref)

     PlumberCrack Match
         (both combatants are blindfolded and set off into the crowd;
          he who returns with tub-o-lard fan sporting most plumber's
          crack--using sense of smell alone--is declared winner)

     Russian Bread Match, aka "Loaf on a Pole Match"
         (combatants are starved and deprived of sleep for 
          two weeks, then fight it out for the loaf of rye...just
          like shopping day in Moscow)

     Texas Life Match
         (loser has to move to Texas and stay there forever...
          apologies Chrispy, I had to say it....;-]       )

Acually, folks, it *would* be sorta nice to see WCW add a few previously
unknown match formats to the "wheel"...

Jesus, it's a boring day at work.......                ;-@

Robert *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
               The opinions expressed in this message in no way
                  reflect those of ASK Computer Systems, Inc.   
                   FLAMES welcome, but highly uncalled for!       
       *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
          "...but there's more to life than making other people die..."
                                                   --Oderus Urungus, GWAR
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       Questions? Comments? Suggestions?  E-Mail to robert@askinc.ask.COM
                       Robert McMullen, Technical Writer
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