HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ftlao@acad3.alaska.edu (OSSANDER LINDA A)
Subject: Re: I'm back for now.
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41.UAC
Organization: University of Alaska - Fairbanks
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 19:10:00 GMT

In article <By3C6t.FHr@belay>, cryst@belay (Crystal Bell) writes...> 
>I REALLY NEED LOVE AND HUGS!!!!!!!!!!
> 
>                                        Crystal

Dear Crystal,

It isOKAY to not like your past, I don't think any of us on here do really but
you should be aware of all the red flags your mind is giving you towards your
Christian boyfriend. *HUG*  If he cannot accept you for who you are then he
should leave you alone.  I spent about 7 years after my ex-husband feeling
re-victimised  all over again because he could not deal with MY being sexually
abuused.  I know you may love this man but if you feel he is victuimizing you
now how will he be if and when you do get married.

I was married for almost 20 years and started to remember my abuse when I was
33.  When I told my ex-husband he also wanted me to forget it again and not
deal with it.  I have been in and out of therapy. I spent three years in heavy
duty therapy.  Once my flashbacks started I knew I had to deal with it.  The
more he told me to forget it the more I HAD TO.  

I know how alone you may feel but it does get better and easier as you go
along.  The people here at ASAR will support you as much as they can. It is
your life and make the rest of it HAPPIER than the first of it.  Don't let your
boyfriend or anyone else tell you to forget it cause it will go away.  Work on
it and you will find your life much happier when you finially do settle down
and have a SO or husband and children.  

LOTS OF HUGS AND LOVE

                            -Linda-

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1357@twwells.com (Silver Tiger)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Hello all new people!
Date: 18 Nov 92 06:16:52 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Just a little note to welcome some of the new people I've noticed onto 
the net, that means you, synthesis, Apple, and David!  And no doubt many
more will join us in the coming weeks, so hello to you too!  (I don't know
if having a lot of people posting here is good or bad, since it is great
that people are sharing and healing, but horrible that the world is such
that groups like this have to exist in the first place...)

Good luck on your journey,

Silver Tiger

(feel free to e-mail!)




--
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: it's snowing!
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1992 18:20:56 GMT

In article <BxqEz2.JAL@twwells.com> anon-1395@twwells.com (tigger) writes:
>
>ANON-Name: tigger
>ANON-Mail: yes
>ANON-Ping: yes
>ANON-Announce: yes
>
>  anon-1372@twwells.com (Sierra) writes:
> 
>>It's snowing right now, and I'm about to go out play in the snow (I feel
>>about ten years old right now), but I just wanted let you asar-folks know
>>that I'm feeling happy for once.  And hooray for SNOW!
>
>i miss the snow.  
>
>does anyone ever want to do things they missed as a child, yet feel
>embarassed about doing them?  

I don't care about being embarrassed, personally.  My SO and I have
been known to ride our bikes over to the local park and play on the
swings and the slide, and I don't care who knows it.  It was fun!

-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)
From: anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: To anon-1266
Date: 21 Nov 92 01:50:37 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I'd love to write back to you personally, except that your mail isn't turned
on.  Try starting a line with ANON-mail: ON

I think that will turn your mail on.

The Captain



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To use this service, send EMAIL to:
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From: fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields)
Subject: Re: religion  [*irrelevancy spoiler*]
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 13:48:20 GMT

short clarification (so flame me in email, if you need to):

The most widely accepted understanding of the word "atheist", the one that has
been most widely used for the longest time, is a person who does not have
a belief in any god.  This is a broad category, and includes both people who
DO have a belief in the nonexistence of any god, AND people who DON'T have any
such belief (the latter folk often call themselves "agnostic" to distinguish
themselves from irrational dogmatics of the old Soviet school, e.g.).

How is it possible that someone could not have a belief in god and also not
have a belief in the non-existence of god?

How is it possible to not have an orange and at the same time not have a
banana?

The assertion that "atheism is a religion" extends the concept of religion
beyond the category of beliefs.

A whole group of people who participate in rituals for the fun, color, and
predictability of the rituals, but who don't have any particular beliefs
regarding the subject matter of the rituals, tend to get blindly classified
one way or another by this classification.  If you asked them whether they
are religious, you'd get different answers from different ones... with
different explanations.

So I think the exact boundaries of religion are something we have to decide
for ourselves.

I operate on the principle that education helps stop pain, prevent
ignorance, and prevent old mistakes from recurring.  There's not a lot
of positive evidence that it does, so I know I'm deluding myself if I
say that it definitely does.  Perhaps operational belief in religion
and the muse is my "operational religion"...but if asked point blank
to take a philosophic stand, I'm not necessarily ready to.  Hmmm.
Maybe getting beat up when I was young for having different beliefs has
left me epistomologically cowardly? Or maybe I'm just cautious.

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fsacp@acad3.alaska.edu
Subject: I'm Back and I have a Problem!
Organization: University of Alaska Fairbanks
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 06:29:12 GMT

Hi all,
   I know I haven't been posting lately, I've been very busy with my recovery
and the baby and life in general.
   Life is going ok, I'm just running into some problems lately.
I told my counselor today that I wanted to look for another counselor, either
totally changing to a different one or seeing someone else while still seeing
her too.  I've gotten comfortable with her, but she doesn't have the experience
that someone else may have.

  Here's my problem:  When I told her about this today, she asked me to think
about my reasons and tell her next week.  Right now I'm trying to come up with
a way of telling her without hurting her feelings.  I had found out that she
doesn't have a degree in counseling well at least not a masters.  She doesn't
know that I know this though.
  I like her but she has fucked up in a lot of ways that makes me uncomfortable
and that's part of the reason why I want the additional counselor.
  Where you can help is by giving me suggestions on how to tell her w/o hurting
her feelings and w/o making it awkward should I choose to go on seeing her.
If any of you have had experience with this please let me know because I'd
really appreciate hearing different sides of this.  Any
psychologist's/psychiatrists that may post here, feel free to respond.

  Thanks sorry I haven't been around lately!
*HUGS* to all that want them
Jay

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay (Crystal Bell)
Subject: Jamsmyne!!! WHERE ARE YOU?????
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 19:48:03 GMT

       HI! ummm when I was on here before (as a regular) there was a 19 year  
old girl who called herself Jasmyne. The last time I saw her she was seriously
contemplating suicide... If ANYONE has heard of her (or from) and has any idea
where she might be or what may  ave happened to her can someone Please let me
know??? 
I'm **REALLY** worried about her and hoping that nothing happened.... 
Jasmyne if you read this know that I care about you and that I *AM* still here
for you... 

                                                Thanks
                                                        Crystal
LOTS OF HUGS FOR THOSE WHO NEED THEM.!!!


-- 
############################################################################**
Crystal Bell                     * If you don't like my opinions that's
E-mail Cryst%belay@uunet.uu.net  * your problem. Please keep ALL flames
                                 * to private E-mail. thanx
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: rlescarbeau@williams.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Anti-Depressive Medications
Date: 15 Nov 92 23:22:49 GMT
Organization: Williams College

I have posted a few times in the past under the anonym "November"
but have largely stayed out of the loop due to flame wars.
I feel comfortable enough now to post non-anon, and I have a question
for fellow survivors.

I was recently prescribed a low dosage (20 milligrams) of Elavil for
treatment of neck spasms. My doctor explained that it would help me to
get restorative sleep (level 4) necessary for healing of tissues.
I have been on trycyclic anti-depressive medication before as part of my
treatment for sleep disorder.I have always gone through a period of 
adjustment with these meds for about a couple of weeks before I felt
"normal" again.I take the meds in the evening before bed.

My question is, has anyone during their process of recovery from sexual
abuse gone on this type of medication/ and how did it affect your
ability to feel emotions, did it affect memory,did you feel like it
retarded or enhanced you in your process? I'm concerned about what affects
this medication may have on my psyche.I did not stay on these meds long
enough previously to render very good judgement.

I do have a locus of energy in my neck( body memory)that has something to do
with being forced to perform sexually.I'm not going to get into that
right now, however.

Any comments,shared experiences would be appreciated.


Please feel free to E-mail, although I'm sure this could develop into
a usefull thread if your comments were posted directly to this news group.


Rick
From: tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: please read I need help
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 92 15:22:02 EST

krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick) writes:

> In article <1992Nov9.185937.60566@cc.usu.edu>, sl0mv@cc.usu.edu writes:
> >I liked it when... [deleted]
> 
> I'm glad to say that after being in touch with the postmaster at this idiots
> location, to hear that they are having a word with this person as to what is
> considred highly innaproperiate on the net in general, and asar specificlly.
> 
> (Well, the phrase was "Thanks, we are already taking steps regarding this
> user.")

thanks (I can never remember how to contact postmasters, so thanks for doing
it...)
and thanks to everyone else for just ignoring that person...

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: I'm Back and I have a Problem!
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 22:58:35 GMT

fsacp@acad3.alaska.edu writes:

>Hi all,
>   I know I haven't been posting lately, I've been very busy with my recovery
>and the baby and life in general.
>   Life is going ok, I'm just running into some problems lately.
>I told my counselor today that I wanted to look for another counselor, either
>totally changing to a different one or seeing someone else while still seeing
>her too. I've gotten comfortable with her, but she doesn't have the experience
>that someone else may have.

>  Here's my problem:  When I told her about this today, she asked me to think
>about my reasons and tell her next week.  Right now I'm trying to come up with
>a way of telling her without hurting her feelings.  I had found out that she
>doesn't have a degree in counseling well at least not a masters.  She doesn't
>know that I know this though.

> I like her but she has fucked up in a lot of ways that makes me uncomfortable
>and that's part of the reason why I want the additional counselor.
> Where you can help is by giving me suggestions on how to tell her w/o hurting
>her feelings and w/o making it awkward should I choose to go on seeing her.
>If any of you have had experience with this please let me know because I'd
>really appreciate hearing different sides of this.  Any
>psychologist's/psychiatrists that may post here, feel free to respond.

ok.  here's the deal.  she's *your* therapist, you're not hers.  you are *not*
responsible for her feelings.  you go right ahead and tell her exactly why you
want another therapist.  you have valid reasons.  she's responsible for how she
feels about what you've told her afterwards.  and look at it this way: if as a
counselor, she's doing things which are making her patients uncomfortable, it
would be doing her a favor to let her know about them.  if you avoid telling
her all of your reasons in order to avoid hurting her feelings, she may not get
the message.  just tell her; if she has problems with it, it is her
responsibility to deal with her own feelings or get a therapist of her own in
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.Netcom.COM (Enigma)
Subject: Re: Please read-- about my counselor
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Service
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 07:15:02 GMT


Captain,

It's pretty common practice for secretaries to open any (paper) mail
that isn't marked "personal".  I suppose that would carry over to
e-mail.  You generally can't assume e-mail is going to be absolutely
confidential.  

What was that bit where she said he "doesn't type", though?  *Anybody*
can type.  The letters are printed right there on the keys.  There are
even people paralyzed from the neck down who can type.  Your
counselor sounds weird...

holly
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)     
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: karen@invincible.bsd.uchicago.edu (& Brilmyer)
Subject: TEST
Organization: University of Chicago Computing Organizations
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 19:56:11 GMT


Just as the subject lines states.......
From: rbn@sunvis.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Subject: Feelings, Listening, Apologizing
Organization: UNISYS/Environmental Protection Agency
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 22:23:59 GMT

I've seen a lot of exchange about stuff between Ed Carp, Anika, and Teresa
(and others).

I have something to say about what I'm hearing in this exchange.  It may
sound to some of you like what I'm going to say is defending Ed.  I want
to say up front that I see some mis-communication going on on all sides
of the exchange and see how each person has a point.

Teresa had her reaction, Ed had his, etc.... 

What I would like to talk about is this issues of "owning my shit" and 
the impact it has on others.

I have sean the assertion here that:  If person A says or does something
and person B gets upset when they see/hear/experience it, then person A
automatically owes person B an apology.  I don't know if each of you 
that I have seen this from meant it exactly that way, but that is what
I hear/read in what you said.

I see that there is an element of truth in that assertion.  There is also
something to the assertion that:  If person A says/does something and
person B gets upset then person B may be in their "stuff."  Person B may
be responsible for owning up to their stuff.  

I have several experiences with friends in recovery where I and someone
else acted offensively toward each other and we both had reactions that
involved appropriate response to the incoming data and inappropriate 
responses as well.


In this kind of situation I have had to work very hard at separating out
these different parts.  The challenge for me is owning my own shit and
making who the other person is none of my business.  There's also the 
challenge of really listening to the feeling content of what they're
telling me so that I get the message (not just the details of the message).

Sometimes they get upset and I don't owe them an apology -- although I
may be able to empathize or sympathize with their upset.  Other times
I have been offensive and then I have a responsibility to respond when
I become aware of having done that.

One thing I'm doing (sometimes -- when I remember to do it ;-) 
with several of my friends is offering them confrontations
before I toss it out there.  I give them the opportunity to say "I don't
want to be confronted on that now" -- or they may be.  Most of the time
it helps them be aware that they may have some strong feelings come up and
check things out internally a different way.

So, I have more I'd like to say about this.  I'm on my way to an 
appointment, so I'll have to wait until tomorrow sometime before 
following up on this.

--

Bob Boyd
In The Here & Now
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: tmohrle@nyx.cs.du.edu (Taylor Mohrle)
Subject: Re: To Sarah (again)
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 92 16:33:16 GMT

In article <Bxo8ED.5FB@twwells.com> anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika) writes:
>
>
>Sarah-
>
>ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!!  :) 
>
>It came back again. Try sending me mail with the line
>
>ANON-Mail:yes

This will work ONLY if Sarah sends it from twwells.com (from her anon ID).
twwells.com will not send out mail to anyone that does not have a twwells
anon ID.

Good Luck :)

Taylor
>
>in it. (If that's incorrect, someone speak up! :) That letter will be woefully
>out-of-date by the time you receive it!
>
>							Anika
>
>
>
>--
>To use this service, send EMAIL to:
>anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
>anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
>anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
>anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
>anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery


Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: rbn@sunvis.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Subject: Re: it's snowing!
Organization: Here & Now
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 03:59:07 GMT

I have gotten a lot of mileage from exercises in the book
_HOMECOMING_ by John Bradshaw -- there are a lot of ways 
of playing and championing that child part -- and yes I 
still find myself embarassed at times -- and I go ahead and
do it anyway -- and I usually feel so happy after doing 
something like that !!

Last night I went to a Japanese style drumming performance.
After I felt silly doing it but I felt like I wanted the autographs
of the musicians -- I had fun talking to them and one of my 
friends who didn t go is green with envy that I even got their
autographs! :-)

They also let people play on their drums -- so I tried it out --
magnificent and FUN!!!

--
----

Bob Boyd
In The Here & Now
From: anon-1372@twwells.com (Sierra)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: re: spoiler warning -- dreams & memories & stuff
Date: 20 Nov 92 21:48:06 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


   so these were fantasisies I would have.  And I would dream about being in 
   'Babes in Toyland' which was this big amusement park kind of town only you
   couldn't leave it was surrounded by a big forest & I would sometimes get 
   out and wander in the forest & never escape to anywhere but back at the town
   and every so often you (all the characters -- often my cousins, friends,
   just random little kids) including me would have to go to the king and he 
   would rape you.  if you tried to hide when he ordered you to come you 
   would eventually send toy soldier out hunting for you -- it was all very
   icky.

Reading this has really freaked me out.  I used to have dreams along the
same lines too.  One of them - oh, I don't want to talk about them, but
they were very kind of similar.  Yuck.

Also, what do people think about the idea that multiples are people that
have had extra-special bad stuff happen to them?  Does that mean that
people who are _not_ multiples did not have bad stuff happen to them? I
don't know.  I've heard this idea before, and it bothers me at the same
time that there seems to be some kind of truth in it.  I don't want
to rate my abuse on a scale and say, Oh, it wasn't THAT bad, so you
can't really be a multiple (or, Oh, it was that bad so your feelings about
yourself are validated), but that's what at least part of me wants to
do.

I would appreciate hearing from people about this.

--Sierra



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1317@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Thanks!!!!!
Date: 20 Nov 92 19:50:53 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


 I would like to thank everyone who wrote me
 re: my post "feeling terrible"  it really means
 a lot that you are there and know how I feel
 and that you seem to care.

 I am feeling much better-- I had to see my shrink
 3 days in a row ,but I think I worked through a lot
 of feeling in those days--- I cried a lot and thought
 a lot--  I think I now understand why I got so involved
 with my neighbor and why I keep reacting the way  I 
 do to his being inconsiderate of my feelings-- so now
 maybe I can work on becoming "unattached" to a "friendship"
 that  does nothing but make me miserable.   He is never
 going to change-- and he will take advantage of my being
 vulnerable-- so I'm the one that needs to say "no more"
 and that is what I am working on.

 thanks again for all of your support!!!




--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
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