HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: le02195@portal.lasc.lockheed.com (BARDIN, BETHANY L.)
Subject: Re: New Weird Al Album
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Lockheed Aeronautical Systems Co. - Rye Canyon
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 92 06:45:28 GMT

In article <1992Apr14.123049.23645@u.washington.edu>, skydiver@dispates.u.washington.edu (People have real lives?) writes...
>In article <1992Apr13.081128.23112@rice.edu> mcbride@sawwhet.owlnet.rice.edu  
>(Doug McBride) writes:
>> 
>> 
>> Anyone know what songs he parodies this time?  The only one
>> I've heard is the Nirvana takeoff, which was damn funny.
>> 
>> 
>> By the way, I'm not sure my posts are getting through
>> nationally, so if ANYONE reads this outside of Houston, drop
>> me a line.  Thanks.
>> 
>I'm in California, and I see it.
From: acw@sbmsg1.UUCP (Alvin White)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Oxymorons wanted...
Date: 10 Apr 92 17:02:02 GMT
Article-I.D.: sbmsg1.299
Reply-To: acw@sbmsg1.UUCP (Alvin White)
Organization: Southern Bell - MSG  Atlanta, Ga

I can't believe that I haven't seen this one

RAP MUSIC
From: tony@mantis.co.uk (Tony Lezard)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: angrams
Date: 7 Apr 92 17:48:03 GMT
Organization: Mantis Consultants, Cambridge. UK.


mccauley@bucknell.edu (robert mccauley `93) writes:

> ISDN
> Imaginary Services Delivered Nowhere
> It Still Doesn't Network
> I Still Don't kNow

It Still Does Nothing

--
Tony Lezard: tony@mantis.co.uk / tony%mantis.co.uk@uknet.ac.uk
or if those fail, arl10@phx.cam.ac.uk (JANET: arl10@uk.ac.cam.phx).
From: abas@unix.cis.pitt.edu (Jasem Alhumoud)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Woman is like the world???
Keywords: Woman
Date: 7 Apr 92 06:24:14 GMT
Organization: Univ. of Pittsburgh, Computing & Information Services


  I heard this from a friend last night, I can't recall my friend name
any way here is the story:



               A Woman is like the world

   At 20 years she is like Africa semi explored.

   At 30 years she is like India warm mature and mysterious.

   At 40 years she is like America technically perfect.

   At 50 years she is like Europe all in runis.

   At 60 years she is like Siberia everyone knows where it is but____
    no one wants to go there.


         Jasem (Dr. J.)
From: paladin@en.ecn.purdue.edu (Robert Wen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Does anybody have the script to "The Argument Clinic" ?
Date: 8 Apr 92 01:39:11 GMT
Article-I.D.: en.1992Apr8.013911.8770
Organization: Purdue University Engineering Computer Network

In article <1992Apr7.233817.7634@news.Hawaii.Edu> tholen@galileo.ifa.hawaii.edu (Dave Tholen) writes:
>>|>>>>> >I've told you once...
>>|>>>>> No, you haven't.
>>|>>>>Yes I have.
>>|>>>No, you haven't.
>>|>>I'm sorry but your time is up, That will be $5.
>>|>What?!?  That was never five minutes!
>>|I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
>
>Oh all right.  Here you are.  [pause]  Well?

Well, what?
-- 
*******************************************************************************
Robert Wen
paladin@ecn.purdue.edu
"HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, JOY JOY JOY"
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: csmith@onetouch.COM (Craig Smith)
Subject: Wedding Joke
Organization: MCS/OneTouch, Inc.
Date: Tue, 07 Apr 92 14:04:13 GMT

A man got married and was driving his new bride home in a mule
cart when the mule, after taking them for about a mile, stopped
and refused to go on.

The man got out of the cart, stood in front of the mule and said,
"Now, that's one!"

The man got back in the cart, shook the reins, and the mule started
walking again. After another mile, the mule stopped again.

The man got out of the cart, stood in front of the mule and said,
"Now, that's _two_!"

The man got back in the cart, shook the reins, and the mule started 
walking again.  After another mile, the mule stopped a third time.

The man got out of the cart, stood in front of the mule and said,
"THAT'S THREE!"

He pulled out a pistol and shoot the mule in the head.

The man's new bride looked shocked for a moment and said, "How could
you be so cruel to a defenseless animal???"

The man looked at his new bride and said, "Now, that's one!"

-- 
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
::Craig Smith                                             csmith@onetouch.COM::
::Columbus, OH                                      ...!uunet!onetouch!csmith::
::"Life is a fulltime occupation."--Gene Kalman                              ::
From: ee7aejf@gdt.bath.ac.uk (Alban E J Fellows)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Dangerous Substances - The BDH data book
Date: 15 Apr 92 13:01:59 GMT
Organization: School of Electrical Engineering, University of Bath, UK

The Following was found in the BDH Hazards Data Book

See if you can identify this potentially hazardous material

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hazard Class: NR     UN No CAS No 7732-18-5
BDH Product Codes: 10292-15273-30729

Physical Data
Description: Colourless Liquid
M Pt(deg C): 0     B Pt(deg C): 100      Specific Gravity: 1.00
Solubility in water: Miscible in all proportions
Vapour Pressure: 17.5 mmHg at 20 deg C
Vapour Density: n/a
Fire and explosion hazard: Not Applicable
Flash point(deg C): n/a
Explosive Limits: n/a
Auto-ignition temperature(deg C): n/a
Firefighting Measures: n/a
Health Hazard: No significant hazard expected. May be irritating to eyes.
Toxicity data: No data
Carcinogenicy: No evidence of carcinogenic properties
Mutagenicy/Teratogenicty: No evidence of mutagenic or teratogenic effects

First Aid
Eyes: Irrigate thoroughly with water. If discomfort persists obtain medical
      attention
Lungs: Remove from exposure.
Skin:  Wash off thoroughly with soap and water.
Mouth: Wash out mouth thoroughly with water. In severe cases obtain medical
       attention.

Reactivity Hazards
Stability: Stable
Reaction with water: None
Other Known Hazards
	Can react violently with acyl halides, alkali and alkaline earth
	metals and hydroxides, sulphuric acid etc. See "Handbook of Reactive
	Chemical Hazards",Bretherick, Butterworths.
Avoid Contact with: Water (no)		Acids(no)	Bases(no)
		    Oxidisers(no)	Combustibles(no)
		
Spillage Disposal
Wear appropriate protective clothing

If local regulations permit, mop up with plenty of water and run to waste,
diluting greatly with runningwater. Otherwise transfer to container and arrange
removal by disposal company. Wash site of spillage throoughly with detergent
and water.

For large sillages liquids should be contained with sand or earth and both
liquids and solids transferred to salvage containers. Any residues should be
treated as small spillages.
If material has entered surface drains it may be necessary to inform local
authorities.

Protective Measures as appropriate to quantity handled
Respirator: Not applicable
Ventilation: Not applicable
Gloves: Rubber or Plastic
Eye protection: Goggles or face shield
Other measures: Plastic apron, sleeves, boots-if handling large quantities

Storage and Handling
Special Requirements: None

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok so what is it.

Simple its "WATER" 
Now you won't go for a bath without gloves, apron, boots, goggles etc.
-- 
"Given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite, would you
like a toasted tea cake?" - Talkie Toaster, White Hole, Red Dwarf IV
}-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-{
Alban E J Fellows <ee7aejf@gdt.bath.ac.uk>  <-- Internet Domain Ordering
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: burtonr@coma.Colorado.EDU (Richard Burton)
Subject: Re: What do people do in their car?
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 17:38:05 GMT

Danny Shaw writes:
>While looking over all the threads in this group, I thought of one
>that might actually have some humor in it.
>
>Lets put together a list of the strange and unusual things you
>have seen people doing in their cars while driving.
>
>Putting on makeup
>brushing their teeth
>etc..
>etc...

A couple of years ago, my family and my girlfriend were driving back to
Colorado from a wedding in Indiana. We were on I-270, north of St Louis
and I was riding shotgun in the van. Now, for those of you who don't
know, this gives you a great vantage for looking into cars as you pass
them. Anyway, we were going along, minding our own business, when my 
dad turned to me and said "What's going on in that brown Chrysler up
ahead? It looks like some kids fighting." As we got closer, I suddenly
realized that it was not fighting, but quite the reverse. This guy
was driving the car with the seat all the way back while his female
companion was bouncing up and down on top of his lap. The whole van was
schocked into silence until I turned to my girlfriend and said "Give you
any ideas?" I then was pummeled by her and my mom.

T-Bone Burton
CASA
Coors U.
"Where men are men and bighorns wear lipstick."
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: st902415@pip.cc.brandeis.edu (Adam Levin)
Subject: Re: Things that make you go hmmm
Reply-To: st902415@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 1992 23:08:23 GMT

How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?

Adam Levin		st902415@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
"Is college hard or easy? It's easy! Just remember
 the three magic words! Sink or Swim!!!"
		--Matt Groening, _School is Hell_
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: acharya@HYDRA.ROSE-HULMAN.EDU
Subject: steve wright jokes...
Reply-To: acharya@HYDRA.ROSE-HULMAN.EDU
Organization: Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 1992 23:46:46 GMT

is it just me or is steve wright one of the funniest comics around? i am trying
to collect/compile a list of his jokes. here are two to get things going:

"i have a circular driveway...i can't get out..."
"i went to a general store...couldn't get anything specific."

does anyone have a list of his jokes? please e-mail to me if possible, since i
don't read this newsgroup often.

thanks,

mukund acharya
acharya@rosevc.rose-hulman.edu
Xref: sparky rec.humor:15952 alt.fan.monty-python:2601
From: smbaker@en.ecn.purdue.edu (Svlad Cjelli)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.fan.monty-python
Subject: Re: Does anybody have the script to "The Argument Clinic" ?
Date: 8 Apr 92 05:37:32 GMT
Organization: Purdue University Engineering Computer Network

Matthew Korth writes:
]Mark Story writes:
]>The Rink writes:
]>>>>>I've told you once...
]>>>> No, you haven't.
]>>>Yes I have.
]>>No, I haven't.
]>This isn't an argument, it's just contradiction!
]No it isn't.
Ok, I believe you.



.....What?  That's not how it goes?

Svlad nnne Lemme get my script...

--
I lost my .sig.  How unoriginal.
From: karl@diku.dk (Karl-Christian Hansen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: April fool's day jokes?
Date: 9 Apr 92 12:15:33 GMT
Organization: Department of Computer Science, U of Copenhagen

A couple of years ago, a local radio station here in Denmark announced, that
due to an error in production planning, a booze factory had produced too
much aquavit, and that people could come the next day and get booze at an
extremely low price. The next day, half of Roskilde turned up, carrying 
buckets, etc. 
	Needless to say, this "next day" was April 1st........

To quote Bob Dylan: When will they ever learn? ;->

Karl
From: sowellrm@memstvx1.memst.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Intel Ad shows static-proof CPU! :-)
Date: 10 Apr 92 07:48:27 GMT
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: Memphis State University

In article <9bqjdqq@lynx.unm.edu>, dmckeon@hydra.unm.edu (Denis McKeon) writes:
> There is an Intel ad on pages 10 and 11 of the April 13 Newsweek (USA
> news-stand edition) that shows two Van de Graaf generators on either
> side of an i486 (tm) with dual "lightning" paths jumping between them. 
> Caption reads: "The affordable power source for today's software."
> 
> So I infer that:
> 
>     1)	The i486 is static-proof, or
> 
>     2)	Intel will soon release a high-voltage, low-current power supply,
> 	based on tiny Van de Graaf generators, or
> 
>     3)	lightning spike suppressors have been a scam all along, or
> 
>     4)	Intel (or its ad agency) recognizes that the people who make
> 	purchasing decisions for PCs based on ads in Newsweek are, uh, 
> 	what's the PC term - ah yes: "electronically challenged"
> 
> You would really have to see the ad to get the full visual impact - 
> I was reading Newsweek in a restaurant, turned the page, and broke up.
> A couple of people asked if I was okay.  Luckily I was able to stop
> laughing before they tried to administer the Hiemlich maneuver.
> 
> --
> Denis                                   Good.   Fast.   Cheap.
> dmckeon@hydra.unm.edu                       Pick two.


I have seen a TV commercial of this exact same thing on the Discovery Channel.
It is hard to believe that a computer company would allow this type of false
advertising.  The high voltage arc actually jumps to some of the pins on the
486 microprocessor!!!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: st902415@pip.cc.brandeis.edu (Adam Levin)
Subject: Re: "Make like a..."
Reply-To: st902415@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 04:21:42 GMT

>>>>>>>>>Make like the wind and blow.
>>>>>>>>Make like a tree and leave.
>>>>>>>>Make like a fetus and head out.
>>>>>>>>I'm off like a dirty shirt.
>>>>>>>I'm off like a prom dress.
>>>>>>Make like a banana and split.
>>>>>>Make a hockey player and get the puck outta here.
>>>>>Make like a drum and beat it.
>no, Make like Michael Jackson and beat it.

For you Back to the Future fans out there:
Make like a tree...and get outta here--Biff

>>>>Make like horse shit and hit the trail.
>>>Make like a bird a flock off.
>>Make like a baby, and head on out
>I'm off like a light switch.
I'm outta here like Vladimir
From: karl@diku.dk (Karl-Christian Hansen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Snow white
Date: 9 Apr 92 12:36:05 GMT
Organization: Department of Computer Science, U of Copenhagen

netnews@ccc.amdahl.com (UTS Tech Support) writes:


>     Did you here about Snow White being arrested the other day?  They caught
>her sitting on top of Pinochio's face screaming:  "LIE, YOU BASTARD! LIE!".

No, but I heard the name of her favorite drink : Seven Up.

(All right, OK, I know. It's pretty old, right, sorry).

Karl
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: holger@vmars.tuwien.ac.at (Holger Reusch (Dipl. ALF in spe))
Subject: Re: SECRET IBM MEMO
Keywords: Mouse
Organization: Technical University Vienna, Dept. for Realtime Systems, AUSTRIA
Distribution: intergalactic
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 09:41:19 GMT

For your information...

The referenced article is a slightly distorted version of an original
IBM Service Document stored at the internal parts & services database.
It was entered there by some bored Technician who was later reprimanded
for this grave offense (it wasn't Management Approved, you see.).
Unfortunatly, it has been removed since then; but it lives on in many
underground versions.

Objoke:

#1 reason for using mainframes instead of workstations:
The cooled compartment in the processor rack can be used for storing
beer bottles at exactly the right temperature. (No kidding!)

-- 
| Holger Reusch                             |
| Technical University of Vienna, Austria <-+--- No kangaroos here,
| Dept. for Real-Time Systems               |    sorry!
| holger@vmars.tuwien.ac.at                 |
From: jgold@aeras.uucp (Jeff Gold)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Riddle
Date: 6 Apr 92 21:00:40 GMT
Reply-To: jgold@aeras.UUCP (Jeff Gold)
Organization: Arix Corporation, San Jose, CA.

In article <587@grivel.une.oz.au> scavanag@neumann.une.oz.au writes:
>From article <900344a.702358553@aucs>, by 900344a@aucs.acadiau.ca (Stephen A. Archibald):
>> 
>> Here's an old one.
>> 
>>  What can go up a chimney when it is down, but cann't go down
>>  a chimney when it is up.
>> 
>
><sigh> an umbrella.
>
>
How 'bout Santa with an erection?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: syspb@smartstar.com (Paul)
Subject: How fat is she?
Organization: none
Distribution: na
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 92 19:04:47 GMT

My ex-wife is so fat, whenever she goes for a walk,
it registers 6.5 on the Richter scale.
From: widyono@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Dan Widyono)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Offensive how do you...
Date: 7 Apr 92 14:47:20 GMT
Organization: UPenn of Phila, PA: BioEngineering Dept.


How do you get a klansman out of a tree?



Please don't.  Just leave him hanging, thank you.



How do you get a car out of a tree?



A WHAT!?



How do you get a leaf off a tree?



Make like the wind and blow.  (for the make like... thread)

Jeers, Dan.
--
Daniel Widyono					BE PreMed UPenn, Philly, PA
Chord On Blues, Penn Band (Cornet 2)		widyono@eniac.seas.upenn.edu
Would you call my name, if I saw you in heaven?  I must be strong and carry on,
for I know I don't belong... here in heaven.		-Eric Clapton
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: scott@athena.mit.edu (Scott D Bradburn)
Subject: Polish Joke, possibly offensive.
Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 22:10:24 GMT

I heard this from a High School teacher a few years back:

World War I was fought with trench warfare.  It was pretty boring just
sitting in a trench day after day, not too far from an enemy trench.
One day, a bored German on the Polish front decided to have a little
fun.  He set his rifle up pointing at the opposite trench, and called
out, "Hey, Ski."  Since a whole lot of Polish people respond to this, one
stood up and shouted "What?"  Then BAM the German shot him
between the eyes.  The German was still bored so he crawled down the
trench a little ways, and shouted, "Hey, Ski."  Another Polish guy
stood up and said "What?"  BAM another polish guy fell dead.
Well, one of the Polish guys, being the smart fellow he was, figured
out what was going on, and decided to get some revenge.  He set up his
gun and shouted, "Hey, Fritz."  (Since lots of Germans are named Fritz.)
He got no response, so he figured, he was just in a bad spot.  He crawled
down a ways and shouted again, "Hey, Fritz."  Then someone from the
German trench shouted, "Is that you, Ski?"  The polish guy then stood up
and shouted, "Yeah" and got shot.



Scott

Americans are equal opportunity comedians.  They make fun of every race,
religion, sex, and nationality.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dp35@mc1adm.UWaterloo.ca (Greg Moore)
Subject: Re: Wanted: JIVE, and a Joke ...
Keywords: jive, lex
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 20:07:21 GMT

In article <sprooney.702756882@unix1.tcd.ie> sprooney@unix1.tcd.ie (Simon Rooney) writes:
>>Imagine the reaction when your newest user types ...
>
>>	UNZIP TROUSER.ZIP
>
>>TROUSER.ZIP:
>> extracting: YFRONTS
>> exploding: BALLS
>> unshrinking: DICK
>>TROUSER.ZIP has no errors
>
>Another error (although not possible)
>
>Unable to close TROUSER.ZIP
>Replace floppy, and try again.
>
  WARNING:  VIRUS FOUND!!
  Scaning Hard Disk
  Do not try to repack

From: smorrow@hpmwtd.HP.COM (Steve Morrow)
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 1992 21:44:59 GMT
Subject: Re: Wanted: a good come-back
Organization: HP Santa Rosa Site (NMD MTA MWTD). - Santa Rosa, Ca.
Newsgroups: rec.humor

>,"how much do you get paid for being an asshole?"  The mime
>looked at him and said,"Well, at least I get paid for it!"  

My friend looked the mime right in the eye and retorted "And
paid QUITE well I'm sure!", turned, spat on the ground and
walked away triumphantly.

>Thanx in advance,
>Phil

You're welcome.
Steve
From: RDAY@cmsa.gmr.com
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: MORE HELEN KELLER JOKES
Date: 7 Apr 92 21:46:25 GMT
Organization: GM Research Labs


Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind too.

How did Helen Keller lose her hand?
She tried to read a stop sign at 60 mph.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They left the plunger in the toliet.


Just My Opinion,

Jeff

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: amcandel@eos.ncsu.edu (Alex Candelaria)
Subject: Re: Wayne's World
Originator: amcandel@c00478-224wi.eos.ncsu.edu
Reply-To: amcandel@eos.ncsu.edu (Alex Candelaria)
Organization: North Carolina State University, Project Eos
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 21:36:29 GMT


In article <1992Apr03.024443.20686@ecst.csuchico.edu>, bubblz@ecst.csuchico.edu (Boy Wonder) writes:
From: bubblz@ecst.csuchico.edu (Boy Wonder)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Wayne's World
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 92 21:44:43 EST
Organization: California State University, Chico

>
>I would like to thank the netters for contributing to my most excelent thread,
>even the "TOAST WATCHER" and the guy with monkeys flying out of his ass - OOO
>PAINFUL.  Oh, Chris even though you're from Cornell that doesn't mean you can't
>have fun with us lesser dudes.  Shaw...right, yourself!!  Party on, most
>excelent netters dudes.
>
>P.S.  Who makes you schwing?

The woman who just walked into the lab.
She's babe-a-licious!!!!!!!!!!

No!  She's a ROBO-BABE!!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bianc@next09csc.wam.umd.edu (WierdnesS)
Subject: triplets
Organization: Workstations at Maryland, University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 1992 00:18:00 GMT


HERE's an old joke told to me by a friend a few years back




These triplets all got married on the same day  and took their mother on  
the honeymoon( they honymooned together too)

So anyway, later the first night, the mother sneaks out of her room and  
sneaks up to the first door.  From inside, she can hear laughing and  
giggling. "Alright, she's GITTIN' it!" she whispered to herself.  She  
moved on to the second door and listened.  She heard crying comming from  
the other side.  She was alittle upset, but figured she'd find out later.   
She stopped at the third door and heard Silence!   She was PISSED!!! but  
she decided to just wait untill morning.

The next morning, they're all out on the beach and the mother goes up to  
the first daughter.  "Honey, I heard laughing and giggling coming from  
your room, what was up?"

"Well, mom, We were Really having a good time, if you know what I mean!"

"Why of course," her mother responded softly
The mother then approached the second daughter and asked her about the  
crying.

"Well," said she.  "It was my first time and it hurt."
"That's OK, I understand," the caring mother comforted.

Finally, she approached the third and final daughter, and almost screamed,  
"What the HELL were you two doing last night?!  I didn't hear a Fucking  
SOUND!"

"But Mom," the girl said meekly.  " You always Told us not to talk with  
our mouths full."




I liked it.




LATER DUDERS

BIANC!
M   IIIIMIIII    K
MM     MM      K
M M   M M    K
M  M M  M  K
M   M   MK
M       K       E       E
M       MK   E       E
M       M  K       E
M       M    K   E
M   IIIIMIIII  K 
          




Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: al@escom.com (Al Donaldson)
Subject: crime and punishment
Organization: ESCOM Corporation
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 16:27:45 GMT

- Manuel Noriega is bearing up after his 8-count conviction on 
drug trafficking and money laundering charges.  Bad news is that
he may get 120 years in the big house.  Good news is that they
may have a cure for acne when he gets out..

- In Arizona (?), an inmate sentenced to death repeatedly "showed
his middle finger to witnesses" before being executed.  Honest..

- Nebraska farmer's appeal on kiddie-port conviction was overturned
by the Supreme Court.  Justice Thomas, wearing crotchless panties,
voted with the majority.

- In a final futile attempt to derail the Clinton Presidential
campaign, Jerry Brown claims to have been Bill Clinton's secret lover.
("Ah did, but Ah didn't enjoy it...")

Film at 11.

Al