Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Fwd: NEVER SAY GOAL
From: Saverio Cittadini <sc4n+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 10:47:20 -0500 
Organization: Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA


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Date: 13 Nov 1992 16:30 +0000 (N)
From: CITTADINI@SIVAX.CINECA.IT
Subject: NEVER SAY GOAL
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This week "Mai dire gol" was a little shorter, and much less funny than
usual; I don't know why. For example, none of the various "standings" was
updated. Anyway, here's what I could excerpt... (related to week 9 of the
Italian league)

WORST GOAL OF THE DAY
This week no goal was so "bad" to fit in the category. Anyway the award
was given to Van Basten's last goal vs. Napoli, since it was too easy to
score. Indeed, Van Basten could shoot totally unmarked, after receiving
a beautiful pass from... an opponent (namely Mauro).

WORST LINE-UP OF THE LEAGUE
As I said, the standings were not updated. The Gialappas just noticed
that it was an awful day for most of the players figuring in the "worst
line-up": indeed, for various reasons Nista, Fornaciari, Careca and
Zarate didn't play; Pari and Medford got injured; and Sivebaek was sent
off...

CONFRONTS
Last Sunday the 2000th foreign goal in Serie A (since foreigners were
reallowed in 1980) was scored. All 3 major sport newspapers had this piece
of news on first page, and as you can see there was total agreement...
"Tuttosport": "Van Basten makes it 2000"
"Corriere dello Sport": "Van Basten is the man of the 2000th foreign goal"
"Gazzetta dello Sport": "Caniggia scores the 2000th foreign goal"

FOREIGN WONDERS
The "foreign wonder" of this week bears a very important name. Indeed, the
most important name in football recently. Yes, you got it: we're talking of
MARADONA !!! But wait: not Diego Maradona, but his younger brother Hugo,
"El Turquito". Diego Maradona had repeatedly asked Napoli president Ferlaino
to give his brother a chance to play in Italy: and finally, in the '88-'89
season [if I remember correctly] Ferlaino decided to make him happy, and
bought Huguito; but since Napoli had already 3 foreigners, the youngster
went on loan to Ascoli. When Huguito arrived in Italy, Diego claimed that his
brother was even better than himself; and their mother, asked on the
differences between the two, answered that the only difference was that Diego
is a left-footer and Hugo a right-footer... Actually, the Gialappas showed
that there were a few more differences: in fact, Hugo could dribble as many
opponents as his brother, the only difference being that he always ended up
to lose the ball; moreover, he was as good as Diego in handling the ball
[pun intended !], the only difference being that the referees used to notice
it... Ascoli's coach Castagner quickly realized that Huguito was nothing but
a liability for the team; and at the end of the season poor little Huguito
emigrated to Spain...
H. Maradona's statistics:
Games played:                   11
Games played entirely:           0
Goals scored:                    0
Illegitimate children:           0
Illegitimate nephews/nieces:    36

AMARCORD
Own goals are generally not considered for the "worst goal" award.
Nevertheless, last year's "worst goal" was indeed an own goal, since it
was a particularly funny one. It happened in a Coppa Italia game, Inter
vs. Como. Towards the end of the 1st half, with Inter leading 1-0 and
attacking, there was a cross from the right, which Bergomi tried to
reach with his head, close to the corner of the Como penalty box. Bergomi
hit the ball, but not in a proper way, so that the ball went towards the
middle of the box, where defender Chiodini and goalkeeper Fadoni were in
complete control. But, surprisingly, none of them went for the ball, which
landed half-way between them, bounced up again and over Fadoni. Anyway, up
to now it was a pretty normal defensive mistake, not particularly funny.
The point is that the ball was going very slowly, so that Fadoni had all the
time to get back in the goal and reach it before it could pass the line. In
fact, the goalie turned back and started to move towards the goal... but he
suddenly tripped and fell down to the ground ! So that the innocuous ball,
instead of landing on the pitch, bounced on Fadoni's thigh, changed its
directions completely and slowly rolled into the goal... Inter players were
so amazed that they didn't even celebrate ! Not even Bergomi...


Well, this was it for this time. "Mai dire gol" will be back in 2 weeks,
when Serie A resumes. I hope next time it will be better...

                                                         Saverio

e-mail: CITTADINI@SIVAX.CINECA.IT
"The sky is light-blue, since God is a Napoli fan"
V I N C I   P E R   N O I   M A G I C O   N A P O L I  !!!