From: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: school & work & other things
Date: 28 Dec 1992 02:33:41 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


Well, yeah, I think I understand what Nancy said & I think I agree with 
it.  Since I have taken time off & been part time & taken time off again -- 
I am realizing how full of bullshit this school is & how little it is set up 
so that the students actually learn something useful for their lives -- I 
think what a full time college student is expected to do is simply insane --
and not considered 'real' work....what?  take 14 hours of classes, spend 
several hours a week in various groups & organizations, if you play an 
instrument or do art or are in the theater add several hours a week for 
that, except for when you have a performance make it more like 20-30 
hours that week...work at a paid job 10-25 hours a week, never sleep 
enough, eat shitty dining hall food unless  you manage to get into a co-
op or off board which adds a bunch more hours a week to your 
schedule....don't forget about trying to have a social & dealing with 
parents who don't want you to be 'grown up' yet, trying to learn how to 
handle romantic relationships...and then when you try to tailor your 
course through school to fit YOUR needs, go through TONS of bullshit 
from obnoxious deans (like the one who told me that he is a practicing 
psychologist on the side & he would not recommend what I did -- 
taking time off from school to start FEELING the emotions I have been 
blocking so much for the past 20 years that I couldn't recognize a feeling 
it if hit me over the head -- allowing myself some time to fall apart 
when memories started surface -- then try starting school slowly again -- 
he thought that was a bad idea -- don't know what he expected me to do 
instead when I was in full fledged crisis most of the time).  
 
Most of my life school was my refuge, I got lots of personalized 
attention from teachers -- all the students hated me, but I got a lot from 
the teachers -- and I could work around the system when I needed to -- 
but I think I was an exception.  
 
School has stopped being what is best for me & I'm still caught some in 
thinking that I 'ought' to be able to stay in school -- but that isn't what I 
need right now.  and it isn't a place that is particularly conducive to 
meeting my needs.  So I'm not going to do it.  I may go back, in fact it is 
likely, I think I would like to get a college degree somewhere down the 
line.  But for right now, nope.  now I just need to figure out what to do 
instead.  I'll stay with my school connected job for a while, working 
with computers, but that can never be full time, and I can't make 
enough money off it to support myself.  I guess I;ll see what happens.
 
Also -- I have always been pretty clueless as to how people figure out 
what they are going to do job wise.  Like, how am I supposed to knw 
what I want to do and what I'm good at when I don't even know half 
the kinds of jobs available and I have no idea if they are something that 
I would be interested in because I've had no experience with them?
 
It is something that has always confused me.  I mean, I've worked 
dining halls, fast food (because they were easy jobs to get), camp 
counselor (because I went to summer camp forever) and school - related 
computer things -- because in high school I like computers & the 
computer room I spent a lot of time in needed proctors -- I think I was 
asked to do it -- and in college I applied for a similar kind of job.    I've 
worked with kids, computers, horses, and dishes.  and I don't know 
what I want to do.  
 
My housemate and I have decided that we want to live together for at 
least a couple of years -- and what I do will be influnced by her -- like if 
she decides to go back to school next year then I will stay in the same 
town we're in and keep my job with computers at the school -- and 
probably get another one, probably something stupid, easy to get, and 
easy to quit, like dish washing at the dining halls.  
 
But if she doens't want to go back to school next semester -- I don't want 
to stay in this town, hanging on to the school -- I want to go to the West 
Coast & do something else -- but what?  don't know.  *sigh*.
 
Going to stop now.
 
goddess, I wish I could get off this damn nocturnal schedule.  I'ts 4 
am...last night?  I went to sleep at 5am & got up at 1pm for about 2 
hours, then when back to sleep until 6pm....when it was dark outside.  I 
*hate* going to sleep when its dark outside.  maybe I'll just stay up all 
night.  and all day.  that is kind of stupid, but I don't think I'll be able to 
get myself to go to sleep before the am hours unless I'm *really* 
exhausted & I am SICK AND TIRED of being noctornal - I was for a 
while over the summer because it was too scary to sleep at night, but my 
friends keep more reasonable hours, I want to see daylight & be able to 
go outside.  ick.
 
bi bi all.
us christina peoples
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au    (prefered address)

an1308@anon.penet.fi
anon-1410@twwells.com


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