From: bberbeni@nyx.cs.du.edu (Bill Berbenich)
Subject: Great Sweating Mother of Jesus!
Organization: University of Denver, Dept. of Math & Comp. Sci.
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 92 00:39:20 GMT

Great Sweating Mother of Jesus!  Nothing has gone right today, even lunch
was fucked up.  I had plans to go to lunch with a prospective future
hopeful bedmate and she never called or came by.  So I sat on my butt,
attractive male butt that it is according to this particular female,
and waited to either hear something or see her.  Nothing!  A big fat
fucking goose egg!

So I go to lunch with some buds from work - one of whom passed his final
interview for U.S. citizenship today and who only has to take the oath
of citizenship for it to be so - and (pissed off as I am) I get a nice
delicious blackened chicken sandwich.  I also ordered iced tea, especially
refreshing today after things warmed up, and the waiter ignores the fact
that I need a refill.  I was about ready to jack somebody up!  And I almost
forgot to mention that we got lost going to this eatery and would up being
somewhat late.

So anyway, the "new almost citizen's" girlfriend came by after a bit with
a card for her beau and a giant cookie.  This woman is just drop-dead
beautiful and she sat down next to me in the only seat left open.  We had
a nice conversation and all.  Okay, I'm relaxing now.

Then the waiter asks if we want coffee and dessert, so I ordered some
coffee which was delivered quickly.  So I guzzled the coffee, then we
paid and took the giant cookie outside to eat it in the warm sunshine.
More relaxation.  Fine, after about 25 minutes we leave to come back
to work.

SO there's a call waiting for me.  Little Miss Can't Be Wrong has had an
accident in her little trashmobile and she sounds all weepy on the
answering machine.  Good ghod!  Now the fucking caffeine has really
kicked in - I don't know WHAT the fuck kinda coffee has that kinda
caffeine!  It's like the overly-friendly waiter put some speed in it
or something.  So now I'm bouncing off the walls and climbing them, too.
So I call the, ahem, babe back to find out if she's okay and if I can
help (big mistake) and I get broken-down-to on the phone.  This thing
has been on the rocks for the two weeks that it's been going and as if
I didn't already realize that there was no hope from the beginning, its
looking real bad at this point.  So, cold, caffeined-up bastard that I am,
I thought long and hard (ooohhh!) about just canning the whole non-
existent thing.  And I'm going to do it tomorrow morning.

So I get off the phone.  Well, now somebody's waiting at my door to ask
my help on some damn problem or another and I don't know how long they've
been standing there listening to me on the phone!  Nosy bastard!  So I go
off to see what the trouble is and end up working on the problem until I
am about ready to pull my hair out at the roots.  I won't go into the
details.  It would only dredge up unpleasant memories.

But I STILL almost meant to mention that there were a couple of big crises
waiting for me when I crawled in here this morning after a sudden urge to
go have a few over at one of my favorite local bars, a place called
Manuel's.  So the day got off to a real precious start.

Not really a rough day as days go, but for some reason it has really got
me pissed off.  I think it's that fucking speed-coffee.  Caffeine makes
me freak.  Lots of caffeine makes me freak bad.  And the last two weeks
have been a real sick-fest and emotional roller-coaster since I met up
with Miss Reckless and Stupid.  GOD!  I am gonna be glad to be done
with it!  If I get 10 phone calls during the day from her, it's been a
slow day for me.  What the hell's the attraction here?  The fact that
I have a way with kids and her five-year-old son and I hit it off?  I
mean here she is still a teenager and she popped out a kid already from
some loser of a guy who porked her and then moved to Florida as I found
out last Thursday after I finally managed to get her to fess up.  So
she's not a teenager chronologically now at 24, but she has the mind
of -- well, there IS no mind!  Maybe she thinks I'm some kind of fool.
A real hot looking woman, but nothing else going for her.  Shit.  I
don't know why I let myself get caught up in these flagellations.

Vomiting, cross-dressing brother of Moses!  There!  It's off my chest
now.  It's gonna be good riddance and good bye tomorrow.  I can do
far better than that.

And who was it that was talking about loser MEN and their girlfriends?
Fuck.  I appreciate that insight, actually.  'cuz I'm cutting loose
before it gets really bad.

I hope everyone else has had a better day than me.  I'm gonna go get
a beer and hang out with some buds.

Love,
  Bill
--
No, you do not know me.
Yes, I KNOW I look like someone you know.  - Bill Berbenich, net.hedonist