From: anon-1399@twwells.com (Impala)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Loss of privacy *spoilers*
Date: 23 Nov 92 17:48:12 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: no


   This is my first time posting to asar.  I didn't quite expect my first
post to go this way, but I need to talk about this and there isn't any
other way to immediately discuss it.  I wish I could remember who it was
that found out a labmate may have read a personal letter to their councellor
off the computer.  I can really relate to how that feels right now, which
is why I'm writing.
   Basically, the email system I use crashed this weekend and lost some
very personal files from my account.  I could live with that, except that
it sounds like there's a chance the files ended up in someone else's
account.  I don't even know if I still have my anon address anymore.  If
not and I'm assigned a new one:

ANON-Name: Impala
ANON-Ping: yes


  Now for the spoilers cause I'm a bit upset, so feel free to not read this:








^L


     If thoses files are in someone elses account, please let them just
delete and forget about them.  I'm not ready for anyone to know about
this.  What if they make my files public?  Who will want to ever talk to
me again.  If anyone made that stuff public I'll rip them apart.  I leave
blood splattered across the street.
    It's not my fault.  I didn't asked to be so messed up.  I want to be
better, and that's why there were all those letters in that file.  I don't
expect most people to understand what was written in those letters, but I
do expect that my privacy be respected.
   I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am so sick of dealing with all the
shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   WHY??????????????????????????????????
   DAMN!  Why did I leave all of those letters on file?  Why didn't I
download them to disc?  It would be really stupid and a sad irony if all
the shit I've fought so hard to conceal ended up being public knowlege
this way.  FUCK YOU TO HELL IF YOU DARE TELL ANYONE WHAT I WROTE!  GO TO
HELL AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!
  If anyone reads those files they're going to lock me up.  They can sound
so crazy, but I'M NOT CRAZY.  A bit hurt, a bit confused, and a bit lost,
but not crazy.  Crazy are the people who did to me what they did.
  I don't want people to know about this stuff right now.  I need a
refuge.  I need people around me who I know are relating to me because of
who I am OUTSIDE of the abuse.  So much of me is so strong and so ok.  I
don't want people to look at me and feel sorry for me.  I don't want them
looking at me and think "oh, she's the one who was......"  I'm not even
barely able to think about this inside of myself.  What if I have to try
and explain it to others cause they got ahold of these bizarre-sounding
letters?
   There are people who would stick with me even if they know this stuff. 
I'm sure of it, and for that I feel very lucky and thankful.  But that
doesn't mean Iwant them to know this stuff.  It's for ME to know right
now.  It's MINE, and I want to be the one making the decisions about who
knows what.  GET YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF MY FILES THEY ARE NOT FOR YOU!!!!!!
  Well, I guess I feel a bit better.  I'll feel better if I know that my
files are lost in computer heaven and won't come back to haunt me.  I'm a
bit scared :-(  But the situation is beyond my contol at the moment. 
After all I've survived through, I guess I can survive this too.  I may be
down, but I'm not beaten.  Anyone finding and using those files
inappropriately had better watch out.  Like Silver Tiger, I have a pretty
ferocious guardian who don't take no shit from nobody.

  By the way, if Silver Tiger is reading this, I really like your new name
(although I don't know what the old one was!)  Anyway, I think it's a good
one.  I also liked the story you wrote, but I had to read it in two
sittings cause when I got to the blood I started getting dizzy.  I like
the ending in particular, as i am very fond of poetic justice!!

  Well, thanks to anyone who "listened" to this.
      -Impala, who really wishes she knew if any predators have her files



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