HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ataylor@nmsu.edu (Nosy)
Subject: "A Heretic! May We Burn Him?" (Was: Holiday peeves)
Organization: NMSU Computer Science
	<1993Jan5.225302.19258@igor.tamri.com> <C0Ew8G.9A5@vcd.hp.com>
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 20:54:02 GMT


<In article <C0Ew8G.9A5@vcd.hp.com> dmunroe@vcd.hp.com (Brewster M.
<Buffalo) writes:

<Don Baldwin writes:

<>Peeve:  Smarmy calendars.  Why couldn't Toshiba make some cool Japanese
<>        event/legend the basis of their calendar?  Something like the
<>        revenge of the 47 Ronin...

<   So would the page for December have `Pearl Harbor through a Zero gunsight'?

	Of course not, what a silly question.
	It would be, "Battleship Row in Pearl Through A Val
	Dive-Bomber Bombsight", although that would be the
	round-eye version, as "Val" was our name for the
	spat-equipped dive-bomber, not Nippon's.
	
<   AirPeeve1: the Zero -that such an ugly aircraft would perform so well
 
	Ugly? UGLY? One of the prettiest aircraft ever made
	(not as purty as a Mustang or Spitfire, granted) and
	ye calls it "Ugly"?

ObPeeve: I've misplaced my barrel of hot tar...making proper
	 criticism of the above heresy difficult.

ObSpecialGeoffNote: I found the pictures and negatives of
	Saburo Sakai, the Zero, the F4F, all in good shape.
	What's yer mailing address, again?

<AirPeeve2: the X-3 Stiletto -that such a ]<00L aircraft would perform so poorly

	What's so kool about that lawn-dart?


ObCensorship: I'm so annoyed at Dave, I deleted his island....
From: jpoller@novell.com (Contents may have settled during Shipping)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: optometrists
Date: 12 Jan 93 17:23:26 GMT
Organization: The Electoral Collage

Peeve:  Optometrists.  In order to qualify for the insurance, the
optometrist had to perform some tests of unknown name, but surely of
heritage belonging to DeSade.

First, the torturer places drops of liquid in my eyes.  This liquid,
supposedly containing both a blue-light reactive die and a local
anesthetic, stings worse than soap.  It felt as if he put liquid fire
in my eyes.  While the fire is dancing through my lids, the doctor
looks at me through a nifty device, and proceeds to touch my eyeballs
looking for glaucoma.

Now, while my eyes are stinging and tearing, he tips my head back,
puts in two more sets of drops, and tells me to sit in the waiting
room for a half an hour.  I proceed to pass the time trying to read
Time Magazine (a peeve unto itself), but cannot.  It seems the
wonderful set of drops recently burned into my eyes are rapidly dialating my
pupils.  At the end of the half hour I am sitting in a 3 meter by 3
meter room with 16 3.25 meter flourescent tubes for lighting.  And my
pupils have dialeted to the diameter required to read the kodak label
on the inside of a film can in a darkroom.

Then, DeSade's relative calls me back.  He dims his office lights, and
I audibly sigh in relief, till he says, "The fun's just starting."  He
then puts on a headset that contains magnifying eyepieces for him, and
a lightbulb of approx. 1cm diameter.  He grabs a handheld magnifying
lens of 8cm diameter, and puts that in front of my eye.  Shining his
light at me, he says, look up, up right, right, down right.... straight
ahead.  All the while, all I can see is this giant ball of white hot
piercing flame that goes directly from his light to my central nervous
system.

This torture lasts for what seemed like an eternity, but was only
about 5 minutes.  Then he gives me a field of vision test.  A computer
flashes lights in various places on the screen, and I hit a button
every time I see the light.  With my eyes dialated, every flash is
like looking at a "potato masher" camera flash.  I thought I was tied
to the wing of an airplane, eyes glued to the billion candlepower
marker strobe.

Then I am actually allowed to drive home.

jlp
---
Jack Noze -- jpoller@novell.com

	"Your battery is dead.  I couldn't have come up with a more suitable
	    analogy, myself." -- andy banta@abingdon.sun.com
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: dmunroe@vcd.hp.com (Dave Munroe)
Subject: Dodd did deed, now dead dude
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 22:29:54 GMT
Organization: Hewlett-Packard

Late last night and early this morning we had the predictable media frenzy
over Westley Allan Dodd's execution.  I wondered if they'd actually have a
countdown of the minutes remaining, which upon reaching 0 would say in a
Flip Wilson voice "yo taime is uhp!"  Well, they almost did - they showed
the official clock.  None of the networks showed a little stick hangman on
the screen, with segments materializing as time progressed.  The protesters
actually did count down the final 10 seconds and set off firecrackers - now
that is weird.

The high point for me at least was when one guy rebuffed a spokeswoman who
was protesting the execution.  He mentioned that, in Oregon at least, we
can't (and don't!) keep all the convicted murderers in prison because there
are too many of them.  I think we convict between 30 and 60 per year here.
Since only two have been in prison for over 20 years, the rest, who have not
died off, are eventually let out.  My guess is that the situation is similar
in other states.

Perhaps some of the people protesting the execution would be willing to rent
out part of their home to inmates, thereby making room for the ever-expanding
criminal population?

-Dave "I give mayor Bud Clark an F-" Munroe


                          -^--
                       -^--                               ,'':;'';   ,'':;'';
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                _  O                                      ;'  \\     ;'  \\     
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                |(( |   | ))                                 ___\\______=======
~~~~~~~~~~~~oo&@+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'~~~~~~~~~~~~||~~||
From: sheehey@access.digex.com (Jenni Sheehey)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: People Who Think I Have Nothing To Do
Date: 11 Jan 1993 20:15:22 GMT
Organization: Me, !Inc., Fairfax, VA
NNTP-Posting-Host: access.digex.com

booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards) writes:
>In article <1i0lfnINNbrs@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM> geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) writes:
>>
>>Tangentially related peeve: People who don't believe me when I say
>>I'm busy.  
>
>Ditto for social occasions as well. I have a friend who likes to drop by and
>will not take "no" for an answer. Its hard to say, "I want to be alone when 
>I clearly have some guest or guests already in the living room." I want to 
>get a tee shirt that says, "What part of NO don't you understand?"

What is worse is people who assume that if you usually eat lunch alone,
leaving the building to do so, you are always ready to have their 
company unless you hate them.  

Peeve:  There *is* no tactful way to tell someone "I work with you 8 
hours a day, can't I have at least a small break in the middle to be 
alone?

Peeve:  People who have no need to spend any time alone.  They *never*
understand.

!Peeve:  If you say something like, "If I stay here one more minute I'm 
going to put a fist through that monitor," before storming out, they 
are generally too afraid of you to mention joining you.  It is the only
way I know to deal with the problem without offending someone.  If you
say, "Oh, I enjoy your company, but I like to eat alone," they never
believe you.

Unrelated !Peeve:  Joy recently lent me a book by Florence King, and 
she has the true peeving spirit:  She sees problems, and proposes
solutions (sometimes) which would probably work immensely well, but
will never be adopted (or even seriously considered) by the unthinking
masses.  She's also stuck-up as all get out, which is not a minor
consideration in a peever.
From: jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk (Jeremy Henderson)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Shoe goo
Date: 7 Jan 93 12:51:36 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

I have a bit of a shoe fetish - probably my parents fault for locking me in
a closet when I was small, but anyway, the result is that I spend much time
(and money) in search of footwear which is both kool and kumfy. The result is
that I have a collection that would do justice to Imelda Marcos, but only 
*wear* an old pair of sneakers.

Imagine my delight in finding a sale at Bally and buying some shoes that were
a) exceptionally ]<ool
b) more comfortable than my oldest sneakers
c) affordably priced

Imagine my horror when, preparing bottles of infant formula, I shook one, and
gallons of milk cascaded over my feet covering the elegant soft leather with
white guck.





-- 
===Jeremy Henderson===jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk=          

This message cost the net hundreds if not thousands of dollars.
Bloody good value if you ask me.
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: avdh@dazixco.ingr.com (Alain van der Heide)
Subject: Re: I Don't Care
Reply-To: avdh@dazixco.ingr.com
Organization: Integraph - Boulder
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 18:46:29 GMT

>Peeve1:  Is it just me, or has this Amy Fisher business gone on far too long?

Peeve1a:  I just found out that the little trollop starred in a pornie.  The
peeve is that we are unlikely to see any of the good parts on broadcast
teevee.

!peeve:  The name of her alleged lover: Buttafuoco.  It would make my week to
here some newsy flub it in the obvious fashion.



---
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Alain van der Heide                      |  This is the way the world ends  |
| Intergraph Electronics Products          |  This is the way the world ends  |
| "The opinions expressed above are mine-  |  This is the way the world ends  |
| mineminemine, and you can't have them."  |  Not with a bang, but with a whi

segmentation fault
core dumped

Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: bberbeni@nyx.cs.du.edu (Bill Berbenich)
Subject: Re: Yes, Yes, Let's Talk About the Weather
Organization: University of Denver, Dept. of Math & Comp. Sci.
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 93 22:39:41 GMT

In <18295@autodesk.COM> booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards) writes:

[Cats - and the Northern California winters]

>What happens? They complain. Meow. Moo-wow. Eh-Eh. ROW. (They each
>speak a different dialect of meow.) So, I acquiesce and let them back
>in to shut them up. I would lock them outside, but I remember this one
>cat I used to have who got a very expensive respiratory infection every
>time we had a cold snap.

Peeve:  When Father Darwin gets thwarted.  Happening more and more lately.
From: mikea@zorba.gvg.tek.com (Michael P. Anderson)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Awful Premonitions (Was: I Don't Care)
Date: 13 Jan 93 00:16:07 GMT
Organization: Grass Valley Group, Grass Valley, CA

In article <ATAYLOR.93Jan93533@gauss.nmsu.edu> ataylor@nmsu.edu (Nosy) writes:

>	AND, if Madonna gets rich enough, a remake of
>	
>	"Shanghai Surprise"

		And after "Truth or Dare" comes...

			"Spin (And Insert) the Bottle"

     ya gotta love those games we played when momsy and popsy were bye-bye..	
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: ataylor@nmsu.edu (Nosy)
Subject: Awful Premonitions (Was: I Don't Care)
Organization: NMSU Computer Science
	<1993Jan6.184629.10497@dazixco.ingr.com>
	<93Jan07.153445.18824@acs.ucalgary.ca>
	<1993Jan8.125049.570@hhcs.gov.au>
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 22:35:33 GMT

<In article <1993Jan8.125049.570@hhcs.gov.au> makinc@hhcs.gov.au (Carl Makin) writes:

<   > Suggestions for more peevful flicks to add to the show are hereby
<   > solicited.

<   Highlander 2
<   Home Alone 2

	
	I have no Ouija board nowadays, yet sometimes I get 
	"visions"....unfortunately, what I see off in the
	future somewhere includes:

	"Home Alone 3"
	"Lethal Weapon 4"
	"Terminator 3"

	AND, if Madonna gets rich enough, a remake of
	
	"Shanghai Surprise"
From: t88swa@tdb.uu.se (Sven Wallman)
Subject: Re: Personally, I blame Chris Baldwin
Organization: Dept. of Scientific Computing, Uppsala Univ.
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Distribution: alt
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 17:53:59 GMT

M Holmes (fofp@castle.ed.ac.uk) wrote:
: So, when attacking enemy cities, is it a good plan to just attack, or is
: it better to pillage stuff outside and wait for the units inside to get
: disbanded?

Attack immediatly.. your citizens start to revolt if your military units are
away (when you are using democracy or republics). I usually wait till I've
developed artillery and bombers before I attack. You could use diplomats to
incite revolts if you can afford it.

Peeve: It's just a game.
--
Sven Wallman, S:t Larsg. 5, 753 11 Uppsala, Sweden, +46 1812 9237
"I think, therefore I'm right."-Hugo Rune
From: egev05@castle.ed.ac.uk (B A Page)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Man mauled by lion
Date: 8 Jan 93 12:36:05 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <1993Jan6.095315.1850@fmg.bt.co.uk> pky@fmg.bt.co.uk (Pete Young) writes:

>I'm looking forward to the day when one of these nutters climbs over the
>fence into the houses of parliament and throws some raw hand-grenades to
>the occupants.

Ah - this sounds like a variant of the Catch 22 problem - surely
anybody who throws some raw hand-grenades to the occupants of the houses
of parliament cannot ipso facto be a nutter?


Babs
From: fofp@castle.ed.ac.uk (M Holmes)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Man Mauled by Lion
Date: 5 Jan 93 17:06:03 GMT
Distribution: alt
Organization: Edinburgh University

We've had the story of the "I can talk to animals" amn who climbed into
the lion enclosure at London Zoo and got mauled for his trouble.

Many of the solutions here however miss the point entirely.

It is clear that the lion should be taught to appreciate that it is no
longer correct to continue its meat-eating habits. Meat is, as we all
now know, murder. It is clear that the best person to go and discuss
this concept with the lion should be someone who has spent some time
with his crystal in order to get on the lion's wavelength.

The lion unfortunately appeared initially reluctant to accept the new
dietary concept and responded with violence. This is clearly a
politically incorrect response to new concepts but is unfortunately only
to be expected in the testosterone-crazed male. This sort of violent
response is obviously the reason that London Zoo was forced to such an
otherwise unacceptable action such as incarcerating the lion.

What is desperately needed here are more volunteers for the education of
the lion in order to enable it to pursue a non-violent and meat-free
future and resume its rightful place in a free and non-speciesist
society.

All crystal-adepts may apply. Please write to London Zoo with copies to
alt.peeves so that all of us may appreciate your noble gesture.

FoFP
From: jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk (Jeremy Henderson)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Man mauled by lion
Date: 6 Jan 93 10:08:51 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <1993Jan5.173235.19278@igor.tamri.com> donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin) writes:
~of fat and then simply fucking for an entire month.
~

Sounds like one of Babs's field-trips to me.





-- 
===Jeremy Henderson===jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk=          

This message cost the net hundreds if not thousands of dollars.
Bloody good value if you ask me.
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: dmunroe@vcd.hp.com (Dave Munroe)
Subject: Ahhhh...
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 21:55:25 GMT
Organization: Hewlett-Packard

I received the following email this morning:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Junk Mail posting from Sehari
Date: Tue, 05 Jan 93 11:41:27 CST
From: "Wayne Hauber" <wjhauber@iastate.edu>

Network News User:

Regarding the "junk mail" type of postings that have originated from
news.iastate.edu from a user named "Babak Sehari" ...

Mr. Sehari has apparently automated his posting process and is posting his
article to a large selection of newsgroups (including ALL local and regional
ones) from a variety of systems on our campus.  This matter has been turned
over to the ISU Computation Center administrator in charge of handling
perceived abuse of computer or network facilities at Iowa State University. 

Please forgive the "form letter" format of this reply.  The Usenet News
Administrator and I are receiving a large number of complaints about this
matter and cannot respond personally to each message.

I have read and saved your message.  We appreciate your report.

Wayne Hauber             |  Programming Consultant/Network Information 
wjhauber@iastate.edu     |  Iowa State University Computation Center
postmaster@iastate.edu   |  (515) 294-9890

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

not bad, eh?

-Dave

                          -^--
                       -^--                               ,'':;'';   ,'':;'';
                  .                                      ' ,;*o   ' ' ,;o*   '
                _  O                                      ;'  \\     ;'  \\     
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From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: The Los Altos Rod & Gun Club
Date: 11 Jan 1993 11:41:22 GMT
Organization: UC Berkeley CS Dept.
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: cobra.cs.berkeley.edu

Arriving, I was surprised to discover the lack of any obvious
fishing facilities; streams, lakes, oceans, or whatnot.

"You shoot your gun," explained Banta, "and it stimulates your rod."

Weapons were provided by a posse of large, belligerent, and
hirsute gentlemen named "Don."

Jenny Gutbezahl graced the occasion with her effusive presence
and inimitable marksmanship.

The setting and weather were a bit cold but absolutely first-
rate, and several present were heard to compare the view from
the skeet range to Hokusai's famous "Mt. Fuji Seen From the Inn
at Miyasama-no-Iko."

Without verging on the brass, it should be mentioned that yours
truly managed achieve the following totals, which (as we hardly
must mention) are as remarkable in breadth as they are in depth:

-----
2 (two)....... Large Sprite Bottles, Empty.(*)

2 (two)....... Classic Skeet (DO NOT THROW WHERE HOGS FEED).

0 (zero)...... Politically Correct Skeet.

1 (one)....... Young Iguana.(+)
-----

(*) - indicates that the State Limit for said Prey has been
Reached or Exceeded.

(+) - in remarkable health and condition, and adjusting well
to the generally pyloric nature of his new surroundings; great
thanks and kudos to Don et Gillian Baldwin.

After ear protection was removed, conversation commenced.  Many
remarkable facts of a delicate and personal nature were
revealed, although we are not at liberty to discuss them in a
public forum.  Suffice it to say that our Mayor, the esteemed
Mr. Miller, has far more skeletons in his closet than even the
most wild-eyed might have suspected.

Refreshments were provided by that gracious host, JZ, and his
lovely wife Linda, who have impeccable taste in housing and
videotape.

An exceptionally pleasant time was had by all.

c
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin)
Subject: Moving
Organization: TOSHIBA America MRI, South San Francisco, CA
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 93 15:41:03 GMT

!Peeve:  When I picked up the keys for our new apartment yesterday, I
         found a bottle of wine, two wine glasses and a Welcome note
         from the apartment complex managers.

 Peeve:  Considering the cost of the place, they ought to clean our car
         at regular intervals, as well.

   don "never satisfied" baldwin
From: geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Group Labels (was: Orientals . . .)
Followup-To: alt.peeves
Date: 11 Jan 1993 23:57:32 GMT
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Menlo Park, Ca.
Distribution: world
Reply-To: geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM
NNTP-Posting-Host: purplehaze.corp.sun.com



	"Bosnia has been cleansed," said Tom acerbically.



Geoff


-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Geoff Miller			+ + + + + + + +        Sun Microsystems
geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM	+ + + + + + + +     Menlo Park, California
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
From: egev05@castle.ed.ac.uk (B A Page)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: I Don't Care
Date: 11 Jan 93 13:45:18 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <C0J6Ho.n5@news.iastate.edu> z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson -- Cereal Killer) writes:
>makinc@hhcs.gov.au (Carl Makin) writes:
>> parr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Charles Parr) writes:
[peeveful films]
>>Highlander 2
>>Home Alone 2
>	ET.

Seconded.  Why is it that no Hollywood film producer can stomach
churning out an entertaining movie without including such a hefty dose
of saccharin that it makes me want to vomit.  

The worst example that I've seen recently has to be Hook (or any other
film containing nauseating little brats squealing "I lurv you mommy" "I
lurv you daaaddy" and other such offensively drawled expletives)

And then there's Death Becomes Her.  The entertainment value of seeing
the stars with wrinkles, boils, deformities and such was completely
negated by the fact that it was deemed necessary to add a large dose of
"anti-vanity" morality at the end.

Bleuuuch.

Babs
From: fofp@castle.ed.ac.uk (M Holmes)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Smegheadism.
Date: 8 Jan 93 16:30:16 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin) writes:

>Ever heard of
>Gallipoli, Dac?

Those biscuits with the raisins in? Yeah, they're pretty good.

>    don

FoFP
From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Goodbye, Ed
Date: 13 Jan 93 01:25:37 GMT
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

In article <1iq9keINNhcm@lynx.unm.edu> jennyb@triton.unm.edu (Jenny Ballmann) writes:
>In article <1993Jan10.205632.18190@netcom.com> ekman@netcom.com (Crossly the Glad-Eyed Bear) writes:
|>If there is a Net Prize awarded for postings totally devoid of
|>sensitivity and compassion, I nominate this one.  For chrissake, the
|>woman and her husband have just been told that he has cancer.  I find it
|>difficult to see anything humorous about it.
|
|I didn't.  Thanks for the laugh, banta. 
|
|My husband's first reaction to the diagnosis:  "Guess I won't need that
|dental work after all.  Yay."
 
Reminds me of the newscaster last year reporting on the fire in the Berkeley
hills.  The other newsbabe asked, "Don't you live in those hill?".  "Yes",
he replied, "the house needs repainting anyway."
From: egev05@castle.ed.ac.uk (B A Page)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Keywords: shit piss damnation
Date: 6 Jan 93 10:06:10 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <C0C4CH.KJo@news.cso.uiuc.edu> dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. Dennis) writes:
[New Years' resolutions peeves]
[Lent Peeves]
I usually give up my New Years' resolutions for Lent


Peeve; Christmas flab.  It's never gone by lent, but I usually give up
trying to get rid of it around then.  Hence the net weight gain of
approx 4 pounds per year since 1986.  Not much on it's own but a lot
cumulatively you might say.

Babs
From: egev05@castle.ed.ac.uk (B A Page)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: A rat is a pig-headed moron is a ...
Date: 12 Jan 93 17:22:07 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <C0pn31.DBo@wpg.com> russ@wpg.com (Russell Lawrence) writes:

[about recent foray into talk.politics.animals or whatever the vegan
hothead newsgroup may be called]
>[Dum de Dum]
>Would it be ethically acceptable to torture minors if/when they lack guardians?
>...Would it be acceptable to hunt severely retarded or mentally disabled humans?
>[dum de dum}
Aside to alt.peeves readers - 
Oh-Oh!  I recognise the signs!  Any minute now he's going to start
calling people Hitler.

I suggest that this can be seen as one sign of success in a lazy foray
into another newsgroup.  As soon as people start calling you a Nazi you
know that either

a.  They have got their knickers into a twist and can't think of any
nastier insults or
b.  You're not very nice

Do I win 10 pounds?

Babs 
Newsgroups: alt.peeves