From: rdonahue@spdcc.com (Bob Donahue)
Subject: Age-gap relationships
Organization: insert anything here
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 19:00:53 GMT

dgilly@us.oracle.com (Daniel Gilly) writes:
>In article <37876@hoptoad.uucp> laura@hoptoad.UUCP (Laura Creighton) 
>recounts the unfortunate reaction to an otherwise wonderful friendship:

[Dan recounts the interaction of his partner and his family - Thanks!]

	MY family I swear is trying to Gaslight me (refernce:
a movie where one person tries thru deceit to convince another
person he/she is stark raving loony).

	[OK everyone saying to their terminal "But BBC, you *are*
stark raving loony"...  be nice!]

	Ahem.

	Anyway, while the "g" word has never quite been uttered, we've
been playing this dancing around game for YEARS.  And they've dropped
enough hints that I'm surehtey "know" but for some reason want it unsaid.
It's not denial, per se, and it's not unacceptance - I don't know
what to call it.  but since it isn't interfering with my life, I
choose not to shake the tree... (there are enough nuts on the ground
about my faily tree as it is!)

	So, along comes Fred, and I move in wwith him.  Mom and Dad
wait a few weeks then start the "so when are we going to meet your
roommmate?" --- notice they don'tknow much about him, particularly
that we are 20.5 years apart (at the time 49 and 29) [he is
also by definiton the young and pretty one :-]

	So, after cries for Valium we take the plunge, and 
get no real reaction - actually they like him.

	And since then we've been included in all the family things,
holidays, etc.  So, I am certainly not complaining!

	At the same time this si the family of Irish catholics
who are to some degree self-proclaimed bigots.  (They are really
not deep down, but there's a lot of crap at the surface you
have to [want to] dig under.)  IT's a strange dissonance.
Another weird thing -they also don't mind my/our being openly
pro-gay...  Mom for example was quite upset and vocal about the
horrible treatment of the gay/lesbian Irish group lsat year
at the St. Patrick's Parade... and made no bones about being
ashemed to be both Irish and Catholic.

	and tomorrow we get to driveto Roanoke VA and go to my
brother's wedding (Irish Catholic --- [BTW, Friar Dyer, would
you consider my family Black Irish?] meets Southern Baptist...

	Fred and I are playing photographer... :-)

	This is going to be very very weird.

	My soon-to-be sister-in-law is very nice, though we've
only talked on the phone and seen each other for about 5 minutes.
She's dying to meet Fred, but I really don't know what she thinks is
going on (my brother tends to be the most in denial about this...).
Given the way everyone else has defied prediction, I dont' dare to
second guess her...  

	But like I said, everyone is civil and friendly, - if
the price ofr that is not actually SAYING I'm queer verbally
(but have my lover treated like family, etc.) it's not so bad.
At least for the time being.

	But back to the age difference thing.  Noto nce has
anyone questioned our age difference.  I tend to get the 
most comments from younger gay people (usually on IRC) who
can't apparently omprehend someone living over 40 much less
dating/loving someone over 40.  "Why would you want
to live with someone so old - aren't you afraid someone will die?"
(How do you know it's not going to be me getting hit from being
in the stray path of a falling meteor that was aimed at Al Gore?)
Or, "Do you have anything in common?"  (Gee, no - but we thought
our names looked so nice on the mailbox together...)  Stuff like
that.

	I can say that the last 18 months have been simply incredible.
And once this #$)(%#$)(#$)(#$ thesis is written even more so!

BBC/Galileo-bear

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