From: seanna@bnr.ca (Seanna Watson)
Subject: Re: Please Don't Spank!
Organization: Bell-Northern Research, Ottawa, Canada
Distribution: misc
Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1992 20:33:41 GMT

In article <TIGGER.92Nov12153638@satyr.Sylvan.COM> tigger@satyr.Sylvan.COM (Grace Sylvan) writes:
>In article <1992Nov11.092908.15849@vax5.cit.cornell.edu> tnzj@vax5.cit.cornell.edu writes:
>
>   > Please don't spank! Don't teach obediance!>  
>   > (stuff deleted)
>   > We as parents are not here to "dicipline" our "wild" children. We
>   > are here to nurture them and be an example. 
>     (stuff deleted)
>
>   I agree completely.  I think spanking is merely an outlet for the parent's
>   emotions.  The child running around in the restaurant is a good example. It
>   is the adult that is embarrased and frustrated at being embarassed. When a
>   child runs into the street, it is the parent who is frightened and upset at
>   being scared.  Spanking is the parent's emotional outlet; it deals with
>   their problem not the child's.

I think you are missing the point here.  As I have said before, I do not
believe in spanking for teaching children.  And as I have also said before,
I sometimes spank my children, and when I do it is in fact an outlet for
my emotions--it means I have lost my self-control and can't think of anything
else to do.  But it would be unfair to say that because I only spank under 
these circumstances therefore everyone who spanks is doing so for the same
reasons.  In fact, some who do spank have specifically said that they do
not spank in anger, that they have calmly decided that this is the best
thing for their children, that they are not using unreasonable force, and
that they are also using non-physical methods where possible.  Someone (I
think it was Misty) even said that there is a distinction made between spanking
for discipline and spanking in anger.

Because of the way my parents used spanking with me, and because I have
trouble controlling my temper, I cannot see using spanking as discipline; almost
like a child of an alcoholic who cannot become a social drinker.  And I do
have philosophical objections to the use of violence to solve problems. But I
am unwilling to condemn all those who have decided to spank as autocratic,
unloving, or lacking in imagination.  (Indeed, I have seen parents who use
spanking reacting with more creativity and patience than I might have in some
(non-spanking) situations.) Remember that most people who spank are as appalled
by the idea of beating/injuring children as those who don't.  Also, many people 
who do not spank may do as much if not more damage by calmly belittling their
children.

I would like to make a plea for tolerance--not that we should be prevented
from discussing or vehemently disagreeing with the ideas of others, but
that we should try to avoid assuming that identical actions have similar
motives.

-- 
Seanna Watson   Bell-Northern Research, 
(seanna@bnr.ca) Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

Opinions, what opinions?  Oh *these* opinions. | It's hard to seize the
No, they're not BNR's, they're mine.           | day when you must first
I knew I'd left them somewhere.                | grapple with the morning.