HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: anon-1159@twwells.com (Kristian)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: songs
Date: 16 Nov 92 18:14:17 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Some people  posting  to  ASAR  have indicated a lot of help from
meaningful music.   I  got  a  new  ANN MORTIFEE CD the other day
"SERENADE AT THE DOORWAY" with 2 songs I found particularly spoke
to the plight of survivors  of  sexual  abuse.  Here is the first
one:

"Healing Journey"
    This is a healing journey
    This is a sacred path
    A path that leads us inward
    To dance the sacred dance
    
    This is a healing journey
    We walk it one by one
    Each woman and each man alone
    To the sound of the distant drum
    
    This is a healing journey
    It winds a stormy path
    Through fear and joy and anger
    Sorrows from the past
    
    This is a healing journey
    And when the heart is clear
    You can hear the winds that rustle
    As heaven's breath draws near
    
    Breathe into the sorrow
    Breathe into the fear
    Breathe into the anger
    Breathe into the tears
    Breathe into the loneliness
    Breathe into the joy
    Breathe in with the breath of life
    And let your heart take voice
    
    This is a healing journey
    From blindness into sight
    Through the valley of uncertainty
    Where darkness turns to light
    
    This is a healing journey
    It is the gift of nature's way
    To open up our hearts
    To see the scheme within the play

MORTIFEE has written this in collaboration  with David Feinstein,
PhD (co-author of "Rituals for Living and Dying")

The other song I found very meaningful  is  entitles  "Anger is a
Fever".
Incidentally, if you don't know Mortifee, she is  a  great singer
from Vancouver.  She opened for Belafonte in a tour about 5 years
ago.

"Kristian"



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From: anon-1214@twwells.com (Just a Anon Poster)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: ANON-Name: Just a Anon Poster
Date: 16 Nov 92 13:41:09 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

ANON-Name: Just a Anon Poster



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Sewer Grates (was: re. recovery goals)
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 10:26:00 GMT

sbecker@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu wrote:

: What if the analogy weren't about a sewer grate?  I must say I agree with
: Cloister Bell. . .fear is a teacher.  How about the analogy of the two-
: year old ewho touches a hot stove.  That child will remember the pain, fear
: it and not touch the hot stove again.  This is *good*, right?  SO why would
: a survivor's learning to avoid pain, fear of repeating painful behaviors and
: situations be invalid?
: 
: Here's an even better anaolgy:  All you need is one plane crash to make you
: afraid of flying.  Even if you get up the courage later to get in another
: airplane, you'd still be leery until you landed safely... can you see my
: point?
: 
: Thanks for listening, all.  :)

I suppose that fear can be useful, sometimes - but my point was, as a *constant*
thing, IMHO it's not a Good Thing.
--
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

"There is nothing to seek and nothing to find.  You're already enlightened, and
all the words in the world won't give you what you already have.  The wise
seeker, therefore, is concerned with one thing only: to become aware of what
he already is, of the True Self within."  -- Zen maxim
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

"There is nothing to seek and nothing to find.  You're already enlightened, and
all the words in the world won't give you what you already have.  The wise
From: sasefj@junebug.unx.sas.com (Edie Jeffreys)
Subject: Re: Learning to cope
Originator: sasefj@junebug.unx.sas.com
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 21:10:24 GMT
Organization: SAS Institute Inc.


In article <BxoE3D.6CK@twwells.com>, anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain) writes:
>Hi again!
>
>To be honest, I'm not good at anything requiring 'social skiils'.  I'm always
>so awkward and nervous at parties and stuff like that, and even in groups of
>more than two people (including myself).  Every time I say something, I feel
>afterwards like I've said the wrong thing.  


Ditto.  i think my social skills quit developing when i was about 11
(when my mother started dating my eventual step father).  i was too
embarassed to bring my friends home after he started hanging around, 
and i didn't bother to try to develop that many new ones, because i
thought something must be wrong with me.


-- 
Edie Jeffreys            The fact is, no matter how closely I study it
SAS Institute, Inc.      No matter how I take it apart
SAS Circle, Cary, NC     No matter how i break it down
(919)677-8000 x6946      It remains consistent.  -- Belew
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: FAQ/books help
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 00:05:07 GMT

890575h@ace.acadiau.ca (MICHELE L. HILTON) writes:

>Hi.
>I know this is a FAQ but I am very inexperienced with newsnets, so if anyone 
>has time I have two questions, actually:
>1) Can anyone give me a list of *first-person narratives* written by 
>survivors?
>2) Can anyone tell me how to access a FAQ file, if there is one?

>Thanks a lot. E-mail is welcome at 890575H@ace.acadiau.ca

>Michele Hilton

michele:  i tried to mail you the faq list but it bounced back because it was
apparently too big for your machine's mail system.  if you can do anonymous ftp
from your machine, you can get the faq list from milton.u.washington.edu in the
directory public/asar.  other than that, you'll have to wait till the first of
december for it to be posted again.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: Loss of privacy *spoilers*
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 21:17:10 GMT

In article <By6K4E.IDv@twwells.com> anon-1399@twwells.com (Impala) writes:
>
>   This is my first time posting to asar.  I didn't quite expect my first
>post to go this way, but I need to talk about this and there isn't any
>other way to immediately discuss it.  I wish I could remember who it was
>that found out a labmate may have read a personal letter to their councellor
>off the computer.  I can really relate to how that feels right now, which
>is why I'm writing.
>   Basically, the email system I use crashed this weekend and lost some
>very personal files from my account.  I could live with that, except that
>it sounds like there's a chance the files ended up in someone else's
>account.  I don't even know if I still have my anon address anymore.  If
>not and I'm assigned a new one:
>

If worst comes to worst and someone *does* read the files, is there
any chance you could pass them off as notes/rough draft for a novel
you're writing?  

Also, if you're on a UNIX system, maybe you could use the find 
command to see where the files are:

cd /
find . -name myfile -print

where myfile is whatever your file was named.  This will really slow
down the system, so I recommend doing it after midnight.

Another thought: do the files have your name anywhere in them?  If
not, they might not be able to tell the files belonged to you, and
you'd be safe.  

good luck,
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)
From: anon-1317@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: feeling terrible
Date: 18 Nov 92 17:23:21 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Yesterday I posted and needed e-mail hugs

I really, really appreciate those who sent them,
I would answer you all, but I don't have then engery.

For any that remember my situations with my neighbor and
ex- lover.  He said yesterday- he did not want me in his
life at all.  boy, did this make me feel like "white trash"
he wanted me when we were having great sex-- now I'm not 
"allowed"  I really tried to die-- I took a lot of xanax
and drank half a bottle of booze-- but I woke up-- I called
my shrink-- moved my appointment up and thanked whatever power
it was that "took care of this fool"  that I did wake up-
because I love my children and grandson-- I know they would
be hurt.

I feel so down-- almost numb again-- I don't ever want to put
myself in a relationship like that again---  I think this might
have some good in it.  I used to be a very strong person-- nothing
would bother me-- nothing would hurt me-- and the only thing I 
had ANY feelings for were my kids-- well, somewhere along the line
with me dealing with the child abuse issues-- I found I do have feelings-
I am a caring person - I am warm and loving-- but now I have learned-
that I have to be careful whom I give these  feelings to-- because
there are people who will hurt you, who do take advantage of your
vulnerability--- this was a very hard, hurtful lesson for me.--
but I got up this morning-- I didn't think I could-- I came to work-
I am getting throught one hour at a time-- soon the day will end-- I'll
get up tomorrow and make it one day at a time-- then one  week-- then
soon- it will just be another scar-- not hurting - but there and I can
look at it and say-- oh yes, I remember that-- it was very painful-- but
now it is healed.

Thanks for listening

e-mail :yes
n



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: Religion
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 08:01:54 GMT

In article <1992Nov19.233415.2433@gacvx2.gac.edu> emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp) writes:
>
>I used the reference in the hopes of sparking interest in the book. It is
>not an advertisement for a "religion." I would say that it is on psychology.
>Not the drab textbook stuff.. but the real, first-person, live, interesting
>kind of stuff. (Someone else here has read it.. How would you review it?)

You're probably referring to me...  well, I liked it, in spite of
the fact that Scott Peck is a Christian and I'm an ex-agnostic who
doesn't believe in organized religion (my SO wandered in just now,
read this, and said "Scott Peck is a Christian?  And you read his
books?!?!?" in kind of a horrified tone of voice...).  And in
spite of the fact that he plays word games, like making up his own
definition for the word "religion".  A lot of writers in this
genre do this, and frankly it kind of annoys me.

Peck was basically talking about the fact that everyone has a
belief system: "...among the members of the human race there
exists an extraordinary variability in the breadth and
sophistication of our understanding of what life is all about.
This understanding is our religion.  Since everyone has some
understanding - some world view, no matter how limited or
primitive or inaccurate - everyone has a religion... We suffer, I
believe, from a tendency to define religion too narrowly.  We
think that religion must include a belief in God or some
ritualistic practice or membership in a worshipping group.  We are
likely to say of someone who does not attend church or believe in
a superior being, 'He or she is not religious.'  I have even heard
scholars say such things as "Buddhism is not really a religion' or
'Unitarians have excluded religion from their faith' or 'Mysticism
is more a philosophy than a religion.'"

(I finally found my copy, as you can see...)  Anyway, he's talking
about a person's world view, and calling it religion.  The thing
that bugs me about it is that when someone quotes him out of
context, it makes no sense.  Hence the thread we've got going
here.

When I read somebody like Scott Peck, I tend to focus on the stuff we
agree on and any new ideas, and to kind of shrug off the stuff we
disagree about.  I get a lot more out of it that way, but that's just
me.  There's a lot of things in the book I really liked, like the part
where he talks about how a lot of people were abused in the name of
religion.  

Arrgh.  I'm too sleepy to finish this.  Just read the book, and if
you hate it you can blame me for not finishing this post...

-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)     
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: faype@bcvms.bc.edu
Subject: Re: Holiday bummers
Organization: Boston College
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 14:32:27 GMT

In article <BxsC2z.DBB@twwells.com>, anon-1209@twwells.com (just me) writes:
> Now, I have a lot of time off around Christmas (my company shuts down),
> so my first response was to suggest to my husband that we go somewhere
> and just bag the whole family Christmas scene. But he has to work, and
> he's upset about the thought of not spending Christmas with _his_ family.
> 
> So I'm stuck. I have to either set up 'competing' events and invite my 
> older sister and my youngest sister, or miss spending Christmas with them.
> No matter what I do, I have to make someone very unhappy, and again, it will
> probably be me. I'm an outsider in my own family, and nothing points this
> out better than Christmas.

Do what I've done for years.  To hell with the family - make your own. I do 
stuff like work in a soup kitchen all day, or deliver food to the elderly.  
It beats the self-flagellation of seeing family anyday.  And who says you 
have to hang around just because hubby has to?  Rent a hut in the mountains 
for the week, and come out of hiding for 3 hours on Xmas to see your 
hubby's family, then go back to communing with nature.  I would advise 
almost anything which does not involve the extended family during holidays. 
If one has to see them, non-holidays are the best time.  We will never 
"relive" the security and love of holidays with our families which never 
existed.
-pete
From: anon-1400@twwells.com (genesis)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: a question...
Date: 17 Nov 92 18:39:55 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


	This has plagued me for a long while.  I want to know why I always
fall for women who already have boyfriends (never husbands)?  This began in
High School and is continuing through university.  Could this be related to
the sexual abuse of my childhood or is simply a function of my personality?
If it helps, my abuser was female (I'm male).
	The woman I'm interested in now has a boyfriend but they are having
rough times and she is split on whether or not to be with me or stay with him.
I've told her about the abuse, and she understands.  Will I run though if she
leaves him for me?  I'd like to think I'd enter the relationship (scared but
I would).  And I certainly would not want to make her think she could go out
with me and then run away on her after she left her boyfriend.  We've also
talked about that.
	One final question: What do I do if she stays with him?  I get very
attached to those I care about and in the past this has devastated me into
thinking about suicide (if they stay with boyfriends).  Should I get out of
it now before it's too late or should I wait and see?  She and I have every-
thing in common (we've admitted that), we care about each other, and live not
far apart.  Please help!
				--genesis (new beginnings constantly)



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From: anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: The details.  *No spoiler*
Date: 24 Nov 92 05:16:56 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Today I really felt as if I needed to tell the full story of how my brother
molested me-- as you probably know, he molested me repeatedly over a period
of a few years.  However, I haven't been concentrating on that abuse here on
ASAR, mostly because I've had other issues I've felt I needed to talk about. 
Unfortunately, I never got the time torite the post.  *sigh*

Well, I'm leaving to go home for Thanksgiving tomorrow morning, and won't
have access to ASAR until Sunday.  But I think I'm going to post my story
then.

Thanks for listening!
Keep the faith,
The Captain



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: response to ed
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 21:58:42 GMT

In article <1992Nov20.175842.29780@zip.eecs.umich.edu> fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields) writes:
>
>REALITY CHECK time...
>
>>I support Anika here; I distinctly remember it: "LISTEN UP, YOU DIPSHITS"
>
>I've not been following any of this discussion.
>
>But I got a little time on my lunchbreak and asked my newsserver to do
>a string search backwards from today to the first archived article
>(20 October).  First I asked for a search on "dipshit", not case sensitive,
>and got only the meta-references here.
>Then I tried "shit" and got all those plus a host of other articles on
>unrelated topics.
>Then I tried "Carp" and got the first list plus a bunch of other messages,
>which I skimmed but couldn't find any phrase like this.
>
>So either this phrase wasn't in public news in the last month, or it
>wasn't in this newsgroup, or the post has been cancelled, or my search
>methods are faulty.

Yeah, I did a search too and didn't find anything.  Trouble is, I
remember the post being more than a month ago, probably more like two,
or maybe even three.

-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Religion
From: emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp)
Date: 17 Nov 92 22:09:44 -0600

In article <Bxr3F9.2FK@twwells.com>  writes:
>anon-1229@twwells.com (Little boy) writes:
>
>>>M. Scott Peck, in _The Road Less Traveled_, reminds us to keep in mind the 
>>>fact that _everyone_ has a religion. Keeping this in mind, do you think 
>>>what you have faith in can be termed a religion? (Notice that the 
>>>"religion" most people are disgusted withis _blind faith_.)
>
>>This is a crock.  Scott Pecker can tell us anything he likes.  He's a 
>>friggin minister, so don't expect to get any great objective revelations 
>>from him.  "_Everyone_" does not have a religion.  Actually the much if not
>>most of humanity have _no_ religion, thank you kindly.  For those of you 
>>who walk the blissful trail of mysticism and medieval rituals, great if 
>>it does something for you.  But please don't try to speak for those of us 
>>who have no use for religion *or* "spirituality" (Christianity parading in 
>>the guise of "non-sectarianism").
  ^
You didn't catch my meaning. 
*Scientists* have a "religion."
*Atheists* have a "religion."
Bob Schmoe, who does nothing but drink, swear, and watch porno's, has a "religion."   
A religion, by MSP's definition, applies to everyone. Think about it some more.
And if you still want to scream about it, read the damn book.

>...
>Personally, I like Joseph Campbell's idea that (paraphrased) we all need
>to follow our own bliss. Whatever makes us happy, whatever keeps us out
>of trouble, pleasantly occupied and somewhat sane (to our own selves
>anyway, if not to other people) is a "bliss." Joseph Campbell's own
>bliss was myths and legends (among other things.) My ex-grandmother-in-
>law's bliss was collecting anything with a rooster on it. My own bliss is
>discovering and collecting good music by female artists. 
>...

Your "bliss" is part of what makes up your "religion."
From: anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Formal complaint
Date: 17 Nov 92 00:10:01 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

My counselor still hasn't gotten in touch with me about the breach of
confidentiality.  He read the letter last Friday, so I think he'd have had
time to respond by now.  One more reason why I think this guy is
unprofessional and why I don't trust him.  I think I'm going to start the
legwork of finding out what professional organization he belongs to and file
a formal complaint.

The Captain



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From: anon-1317@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: need hugs
Date: 17 Nov 92 19:15:41 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


oh gees, I hate this-- right now I really down 
on myself-- really bad and ugly and I need some
e-hugs-- I know this feeling will pass
but right now it is intense

e-mail:yes'



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From: anon-1325@twwells.com (Solace)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Message to David L. Nelson
Date: 24 Nov 92 05:38:15 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

David,
	If you get an anon-email address I'd like to talk to you. We
have experienced some similar life problems, including abuse for
bedwetting, and issues in later life with depression and a number of
things mentioned in your post of Nov 17. I will discuss these issues with you
if you want, but only thru anon-email.

	Solace



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