From: madhaus@netcom.com (Maddi Hausmann)
Subject: Danny Goes to Mars (SPOILERS)
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 92 08:07:36 GMT
Organization: Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things
Summary: Pamela Sargent Story in Asimov's SF, October '92

SPOILERS, HO!  If you plan to read the story, skip this article.

First scene: Danny-boy at White House meeting in 1995.  Bush has been
reelected.  Sununu is back for a presentation.  Quayle doesn't want
any attention and is trying to look like Robert Stack.  Bush speaks:
"A squeaker.  A real squeaker.  Almost didn't pull it out.  The
Democrats--bad.  Attack from the right--even worse.  Got something
up our sleeve, though, they'll say, Never saw *that* coming."
Danny tries to look like he's paying attention; admits he doesn't
know what's going on, but then again, he later found the rest
of the staff doesn't know what Bush is saying half the time.

The Mars plan is on the heroics-and-jobs theme; get Japan an astronaut
and they'll pay most of it, invite a Russian so they don't have to
send more money instead, all pretty cynical.  Circus galore to sew
up the '96 election.

Danny makes a statement that makes sense.  Then: "The former Chief of
Staff lifted his brows in surprise.  Sununu had a habit of looking at
himlike that sometimes, the way Dan's high school teachers and
college professors had looked at him when he actually came up with a
correct answer."

When Bush explains that Dan is to be on the crew, Dan gets cold feet.
He doesn't want to wimp out, but doesn't want to cave in immediately.
He tells them he'll consider it, and goes straight to Marilyn, who, to
his dismay, thinks it's a wonderful idea.

The good news is that astronaut training gets the media off his back,
and the only goof he makes is calling the Martian moons Photos and Zenith.
He gets along well with the crew because of his golf, racquetball and
basketball abilities.  He wonders if the crew leader was chosen for the
same reason as Clarence Thomas (she's black).  He almost blows it with
her when he invites her to his home and says "I should have known you'd
be a hoop fan" while Marilyn gives him the "I-can't-believe-you-just-said-
that" look.  What he meant was that she was from Indiana, a basketball
state.

Danny plans on letting the crew do the experiments and piloting while
he just stays out of the way.  He hopes that Garry Trudeau stops drawing
him as a feather, only now he is drawing Danny as a feather in a space
helmet.

Tragedy strikes when the entire crew, except for Danoe, is killed by a
quickly-mutating virus (Danoe was in the other compartment watching
_Ferris Bueller_) and convinces NASA that he still ought to land on
Mars for the sake of the dead crew.  Some of his statements are
downright heroic, and it appears certain he'll cakewalk thru the
primaries.  He's even getting somehwhat mystical about being out there
in space all alone; David Bowie lyrics start to make sense.

Danoe's first words on Mars' surface are "Whoa" and "Jeez"  He forgets
his speech notes and has to fake it.  "I almost can't believe that I'm
here.  Man, if anyone had told me when I was a kid that I'd go to Mars--"
"...And someday. other people will come here and turn into Martians.
Guess I'll show you around a little now."  And after gathering samples,
planting the UN flag and taking the obligatory rover drive, he finds the
lander will not return.

A rescue mission is being organized, but problems keep delaying it,
and it appears Danoe won't be back in time to announce his candidacy.
Worse news: The Democrats found some loophole that says he can't run
unless he's on Earth.  While the delegates could switch their votes
once he returned, it is less and less likely he'll be back in time
for the convnetion--or maybe even the election.

But Bush has a solution: they're going to have Marilyn run.  As the
hero's wife, the Demos would look mean-spirited if they attacked her.
Even Dan agrees it's absolutely perfect.

So, with nothing else to do, Dan takes out his wood and hits some
golf balls on Mars.

------

This summary really doesn't do justice to the story, but if you can't
buy, borrow or read Asimov's at the newsstand, at least you know what
you missed.
-- 
Maddi Hausmann                madhaus@netcom.com
Humorist, Satirist, Tech Writer.  Take your pick.

Centigram Communications Corp, San Jose California  408/428-3553
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle