From: lewandow@floss.cs.wisc.edu (Gary Lewandowski [TSoD])
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics
Subject: MARVEL:  Ultron's Last Stand response
Summary: I didn't like it.
Keywords: characterization, plot, technology
Date: 16 Apr 92 04:02:05 GMT
Organization: U of Wisconsin CS Dept



 <U16244@uicvm.uic.edu> writes:
>Here's a plot my friend Chris Krolczyk and I have been working on for the
>Avengers for the past few weeks.  I hope that you like it, since it's the
>last bows for quite a few characters that we consider deadwood for the series.

	Here are my comments.  In summary, I didn't like it.  For one thing,
you seem to willy nilly kill characters you  don't like.  (Just because you
don't like them doesn't mean they're deadwood.) 

	I though the story started out nearly okay, but degenerated terribly
at the end.

>Avengers West Coast: On His Majesty's Blackmailed Service.
>James Gyrich returns to the pages of the Avengers, only this time on his
>own.  He's been trying to gather information that can blackmail the Avengers,

	This I like -- good plot idea.

>by Ultron (once again) and this time, Ultron really boosts the Reaper's power.
>He infuses the Reaper's body with Adamantium (secondary), and enhances the
>Reaper's strength to a full SHC 75.

	1.  What is Adamantium (secondary)?  2.  How does he enhance
the power?  3.  Why does he do this.  Ultron doesn't like the Reaper
anymore. 

> [death of USAgent deleted]
	I'll give a first death, since that tells the reader this is a
serious battle up ahead.  Still, how we can now blast through
adamatium is certainly not well explained.

>Avengers East Coast: Reap the Reaper.

	Characterization problems:
1) Hank Pym will *never* (reasonably written) become YellowJacket again.
2) It'll be a looong time before Jan is talking marriage to anyone again.
3) The Avengers won't let Gyrich do anything -- they're not connected to
    the government anymore.
4) Hercules is far too experienced to let an enemy get an easy drop on
    him while he's sober. 
5) Anyone who thinks they're Thor is *not* going to back away from a
    battle.  Even in Galactic Storm, Thor kept at Gladiator, a much
    tougher foe.

>
>Wonder Man: The Final Reckoning.
	More plot problems.

	 Why would Hank go off alone in a quinjet?  There's no reason for
it but poor storytelling.  All characters that can't fly will be with
him, waiting to get the drop on the Reaper. 

>The Wasp, thinking that the Reaper killed Hank, rushes up at full speed, just
>large enough to touch both eyeballs with both arms outstretched, and she
>fires a contact energy blast that vaporizes one eye and boosts the other
>out of its socket.  

	Now, this is actually about right, though I don't think she'd
necessarily aim for the eyeballs.

	The Wonder Man scene is probably okay too.

>Through this, the Reaper is still alive, but now, he's just  a jello
>mold
	Is there some reason for this?  Sounds like you just hate the
character. 

<Hank Pym's death scene:>
>a speech, merely an attempt to caress her cheek and saying "I'm
>sorry."

	What's he sorry for?  Though I disagree with you killing him, he
certainly died an Avenger.

>Fantastic Four: Paibok Time
	There's absolutely no reason to crossover to non-Avenger books
except that you want to bloody your hands in every book.  As a reader,
this is where I would completely give up on your story, since it now
quits being a story and starts to be a vendetta against Marvel
characters. 

>Silver Surfer: To Ride the Skies No More.
	Characterization:  none.

"A crab-like alien robot."  Right.  This basically sucked.

Johnny incinerates someone?  Not the Johnny Storm I know.

>
>THOR: The Return of Beta Ray Thor
>Ultron, gloating over the suffering he has caused,

	This line convinced me you don't understand Ultron.  He
doesn't care about suffering.  He wants to eliminate humans because
they're inefficient.  He's not interested in running his own Acts of
Vengeance -- that already failed.

	Your plot is not only unoriginal, it doesn't even correctly
characterize the principle villain.

>the rest of the Marvel Universe.  He sends an android simulcurum of Dark
>Phoenix to attack Beta Ray Bill and Sif. 

Why?  He doesn't even know who they are! 

>
>the situation and leads the counter assault.  Ben, Bill, Eric and Simon
>all manage to squash their foes single handedly while the rest of the
>teams gang fight the other Ultrons. 

	So Ultron could augment the Reaper, infuse him with
adamantium, but he couldn't create another ultron as tough as himself?
Why not?  He certainly would prefer robots to these other goofs.


>X-Factor: Three Stryfes, You're Out!

This looks like a gratuitous fight scene.  Kind of strange to put that
in X-Factor these days.

>X-Men: Cable Installation

	Cable takes out all the X-Men.  Right.  This is the humor
issue, right?  Certainly it won't be because of realistic writing of
the characters.

>Uncanny X-Men: By Collossus Betrayed?

>be disguised as Kitty.  Colossus returns in armored form, and Xavier
>wonders what's going on.  He starts a mindscan, when Colossus glares at him
>and blasts him with an encephalo beam.  Off in the distant woods, the

	Uh, he'd detect the lack of a mind pretty quick.  Better blast
him immediately.

	I take it you guys don't like the X-Men.  One Cable takes out one
team, one Ultron takes out the rest.  Not very in character, unless
you read only the Secret Wars issue where Spider-Man does it.

>
>X-Force: What a Tangled Cable We Weave.
>With a cackle, Ultron orders Cable to murder

With a cackle?  With a cackle?!  Ultron doesn't cackle!  Geez.

>"Fer a guy wit' adamantium skin, he cuts pretty easy.")  Assorted Cables and
>Ultrons hop up out of the woodwork, but the X-Men fight them off.

	Wait a second.  ONE Cable takes them all out, and now a whole
bunch can't stop them.  Ugh.

>Iron Man
<Tony assembles the heroes.  It's so cheesey I have to give it to
you.>

>Ultron fights them until only Tony and Ultron are still conscious.  Tony
>grabs Ultron and "kisses" him, firing a computer probe into Ultron's
>brain.  Contact!  Tony starts pumping in a self destruct program for
>the artificial intelligence program that runs Ultron.  No more mister

	No interface problems?  Just what is the OS run by Ultron?
Another of those handy dandy Mac Window things, I suppose.

>but it's all over except the dying.  Tony requests that Rhodey take charge
>of Stark International Holdings and the mantle of Iron Man.  The
>Stark

	ha ha ha.  "Rhodey, you take over SI now.  Even though Mrs.
Arbogast is a much better executive.  aaaack."  And isn't it SE now?

	Maybe Rhodey can do an ad -- "I took night classes and now
look, I'm the head of a major company."

>Captain America: The End of an Era.
>Cap gets on a major drunk (it's only one bottle, but then, Steve

	This is Captain America?  I doubt it.

	I guess this issue is the attempt at characterization.

>Consequences of the story:

	-- Marvel characters remain poorly written.
	-- People you don't like are killed.

By the way, Wanda knows how Simon feels about her, and she rejected
him.


	For anyone else writing stories about established characters:
fan fiction is wonderful, but try to write characters.  Leave your
death fantasies home.  If you don't like characters, don't write about
them, or write them in a way that explains their actions in a
reasonable way.  Coherent, workable plots would be nice too.


-- 
Gary Lewandowski             gary@cs.wisc.edu              Theory Slug of Doom
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think any form of government, not just Capitalism, is whatever the 
people who have all our money, drunk or sober, sane or insane, decide
to do today.
	-- Kurt Vonnegut, _Hocus Pocus_
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