HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: RDAY@cmsa.gmr.com
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: 50th BIRTHDAY PARTY BANNER
Date: 12 Aug 92 22:05:52 GMT
Organization: GM Research Labs

Netters,

  I'm making a 50th B'day banner for my dad.  I'm not sure how to
design it though.  I need some catchy phrases to jazz it up.

Dad is a semi-bald Polish guy who only has hair on the sides of
his head in a gray/black color.  Imagine a skunk in a fight with
barbers shears!!!!  He can take a joke as well as the next guy,
and loves to tell Polish jokes.  He bowls on two leagues and is
fairly good.  Mom usually keeps him busy with the infamous 'HONEY-
DO-LIST' of jobs for around the house.

Any help would be really very HELPFULL!!!!

Thanx in Advance,

Jeff

12345 Doofus Circle
ADVANCE, ND.   98765




Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: prem@phd.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
Subject: Re: Bathroom humor
Reply-To: prem@phd.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
Organization: Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory
Distribution: na
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 92 16:55:47 GMT

In article <51754@dime.cs.umass.edu> corinne@freya.cs.umass.edu (Corinne J. Roy) writes:
>
>I remember seeing this written on the library bathroom
>wall when I was a little kid...
>
>Here I sit 
>Broken hearted
>Tried to shit
>But only farted
>

	Below that :
		Here I sit in dull repose,
		That fart you left still burns my nose.

	    And below THAT :
		    It makes me wonder, to see such wit,
		    If Shakespeare had been here to shit.

	        AND below THAT! :
		        Some swear they saw Shakespeare walk in,
		        But others say that fart was Bacon.


	Prem!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jholtgra@afit.af.mil (Jeremy C. Holtgrave)
Subject: Re: ASCII art
Organization: Air Force Institute of Technology
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 20:01:08 GMT

In article <rsykes.109.714160908@AFIT.AF.MIL> rsykes@AFIT.AF.MIL (Robert K. Sykes) writes:
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  MM''MMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  M'  MMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" ''' "!MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  M  MM"'MM
> MMMMMM'"M' MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMV'                '"MMMMMMMMMM.  'MM  M  M' .MM
> MMMM'M :M ;MV MMMMMMMMMM'                      "MMMMMMMMMM.  ": M .! .MMM
> MMM; M  M :M' AMMMMMMV'                          "MMMMMMMMM.  .'''. AMMMM
> MMMM ;  ; M:  MMMMMM'                              'MMMMMMM'        MMMMM
> MMMM. ; . M  AMMMMV                                 'MMMM"" ' '.   .MMMMM
> MMMMM  .    MMMMMV                                    '. ..    ;  .MMMMMM
> MMMM  '"@"  MMMMV                                      MMMMMM.'   MMMMMMM
> MMMM.  ;        '                                      'MMMMMM.   MMMMMMM
> MMMMM..'.   .MM'                                        MMMMMMM    VMMMMM
> MMMMMM  AMMMMMV                                         'MMMMMM.    MMMMM
> MMMMM'  MMMMMM:                                     ..   MMMMMMM     MMMM
> MMMMM   MMMMMM: @@.                              .'  @@  : 'MMMM.     MMM
> MMMM'   MMM''': :@: '.                         .' ..@@@  :            .MM
> MMMV   ''     : '@@@@: '.                    .'  .@@@@@  ........./MMMMMM
> MMM           :  @@@@@. .' .              .' A. .@@@@@'  MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMM:..........:  '@@@@@@@.  ! '. - - - . '.  .@@@@@@@@   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   '@@@@@@@@@@@@.    !    .@@@@@@@@@@@@'  MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   '@@@@@@@@@@@@@...@@'..@@@@@@@@@@@@'  AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA   '@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@   .MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA    @@@@@@@@@@@@"'O'OOOO'@@@@@@@'   .MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA    '@@@@@@@VOOOOOOO.OOO @@@V     AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA     '@@@@OOOOOOOOO.OOO@'     .MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA        '.@@.OOOOO.OO     .AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.          OOOOO OOOO .MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA..      OOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOO.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM OOOOOOO.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM---MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
>

Someone has way too much time on their hands...

=====================jholtgra@scgraph.afit.af.mil==============================
Jeremy Holtgrave                          "Besides, we have more guns and bombs
Air Force Institute of Technology          than you."
Wright-Patterson AFB, Ohio
===============================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: tom@fokus.gmd.de (Tom Pfeifer)
Subject: Bumper Sticker
Organization: GMD-FOKUS, Hardenbergplatz 2, 1000 Berlin 12, Germany
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 10:50:59 GMT

Veterinarians drive like animals ...

Tom
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: nmiseroc@orlith.bates.edu (Nathan Miserocchi)
Subject: Re: Re: Funny?
Organization: Bates College, Lewiston, Maine
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 18:37:35 GMT
Summary: You should expect it!

Scott A. Rust writes:
>>

In article <1992Aug13.211538.27003@news.acns.nwu.edu>, aaronson@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (David Aaronson) writes:
> Warning the surgeon general has determined that the following subjects
> are no longer funny, and have been determined to cause severe boredom in
> laboratory rats:     [SO STOP POSTING THEM HERE!!!!!!!!]
> 



[INCREDIBLE AMOUNTS OF BITCHING, PISSING AND MOANING DELETED]



> 
> So there!   That's my 2c and I'm sure some other people's too.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sticks and stones may break my bones, but they cant be e-mailed so HA!
> 
> -- 
> /^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\
> | David Aaronson   aaronson@casbah.acns.nwu.edu   Northwestern University  |
> | 630 Lincoln St.  aaronson@aristotle.ils.nwu.edu Evanston, Illinois 60201 |
> | -------------------------------------------------------------------------|
-- 

>>	Well, there's 2 things you can do:
>>
>>		1. make a kill file. really quite simple, and if you're too
>>simple to know how, i imagine you could type "help" at your news prompt
>>and get the info.
>>		2. make your way over to rec.bitching.about.others.posts and
>>leave us alone.

>>			;-)

	If you KEEP posting totally IRRELEVANT topics mentioned so well by 
Mr. Aaronson you should expect some people to get pissed.  The fact that
you think you have some right to post boring drivell AND bitch because
someone doesn't like what is BLATANTLY boring drivell then you are the
utmost of inconsiderate.  The INTERNET does not evolve around you.

ps did YOU cross post your wonderfully intelligent commentary to 
rec.bitching.about.others.posts?  Just wondering.

***********************************************************************
nmiseroc@orlith.bates.edu
			-So what, we all smell
***********************************************************************

-- 
********************************************************************************
nmiseroc@orlith.bates.edu
                               Bates College
                               Lewiston, ME
From: David_Yee@equinox.gen.nz (Dave)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: You're Sooo Ugly Jokes
Date: 19 Aug 92 07:25:51 GMT
Organization: Equinox Networks
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4

kasvand@ccrs.emr.ca (Tony Kasvand) writes:
>In article <viking.713691187@vincent1.iastate.edu> viking@iastate.edu (Dan
Sorenson) writes:
>> if the person is female:
>>
>>"You're so ugly you could cook buck naked in a men's reformatory and
>>have no fear of sexual advances."
>>
> "You're so ugly, Lucifer would puke and bury his face in the vomit." 
>
>
>-- 
>Tonis Kasvand      | " Tomorrow on CABLE 1 Television,  
>Ottawa, Canada     |     Bruno wonders why his Frosted Flakes tastes soggy 
>kasvand@ccrs.emr.ca| and then realizes he has eaten Relics scab
collection." 
>                           - The Royal Canadian Air Farce   

 "You're so ugly that plastic surgury can't help you."
From: zzassgl@uts.mcc.ac.uk (Geoff Lane)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Creation expressed in IBM JCL
Date: 18 Aug 92 14:13:43 GMT
Organization: Manchester Computing Centre, Manchester, England, M13 9PL.


Author and source is unknown - I just typed it in from an old piece of
paper.

//CREATION JOB (0000,EARTH),'GOD',PRTY=13,RESTART=EDEN,TIME=1440
//*
/*SETUP	      DISK=PRIMAL
//*
//JOBLIB DD   DSN=UNIVERSE,DISP=(OLD,KEEP)
//*
//* FOR EXTENDED DOCUMENTATION ON THIS JOB REFER TO MEMBER
//* BOOK.ONE, CHAPTER,ONE OF SYSDOC FILE WORD.OF.GOD
//* TAMPER WITH THIS JOB AT YOUR OWN EXTREME RISK!
//*
//DAYONE EXEC  PGM=IEBGENER
//VOID   DD    DSN=CHAOS
//DAY    DD    DSN=LIGHT
//NIGHT  DD    DSN=DARKNESS
//SYSIN  DD    *
   LET THERE BE LIGHT, AND LET DARKNESS BE A SEPARATE DATASET!
/*
//DAYTWO EXEC  PGM=SORT
//FIRM   DD    DSN=HEAVEN,DCB=DSORG=PO
//WATERS1 DD   DSN=HEAVEN(ABOVE)
//WATERS2 DD   DSN=HEAVEN(BELOW)
//SYSIN   DD   *
   LET THE FIRMANENT, CALLED HEAVEN, PARTITION THE WATERS!
/*
//DAYTHREE EXEC PGM=MERGE
//MERGEIN  DD   DSN=BELOW
//MERGEOUT DD   DSN=DRY.LAND
//EARTH    DD   DSN=DRY.LANE
//BELOW    DD   DSN=SEAS
//FLORA    DD   DSN=GRASSES.HERBES
//         DD   DSN=FRUIT.TREES
//SYSIN    DD   *
   SET THE EARTH CONCATENATE GRASS AND TREES
/*
//DAYFOUR  EXEC PGM=IEBUPDTE
//SUN      DD   DSN=LIGHT
//MOON     DD   DSN=LIGHT
//STARS    DD   DSN=LIGHT
//SYSIN    DD   *
  LET THERE BE PANEL LIGHTS TO INDICATE THE STATUS OF
  THE UNIVERSE!
/*
//DAYFIVE  DD   PGM=IEHMOVE
//WHALES   DD   DSN=MOVING.CREATURE
//FOWL     DD   DSN=MOVING.CREATURE
//SYSIN    DD   *
  BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY UNTIL OVERFLOW
/* 
//DAYSIX   EXEC PGM=IEBCOPY
//MAN      DD   DSN=GOD.IMAGE
//MALE     DD   DSN=MAN(ADAM)
//FEMALE   DD   DSN=MAN(EVE)
//SYSABEND DD   DSN=ETERNAL.HELL
//SYSIN    DD   *
   ALL THE DATASETS NOW EXIST. LET MAN TEND THE CONSOLE
   AND REPLENISH THE LINE PRINTER AND KEEP HIS MITTS OUT
   OF THE MICROCODE!
/*
//DAYSEVEN EXEC PGM=ENTROPHY,COND=((IT IS GOOD,DAYSIX),ONLY)
//TIME     DD   DSN=ETERNITY
//SYSIND   DD   *
   NOW LET THE SYSTEM RUN, THE PANEL LIGHTS TWINKLE, AND THE DISKS
   FILL WITH DATA!
/*
//
-- 
Geoff. Lane.                                  Janet: zzassgl@uk.ac.mcc.uts
UTS Sys Admin, Manchester Computing Centre, Oxford Rd, Manchester, M13 9PL
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
From: jdw@unislc.uucp (James Warren)
Subject: Re: Bullets kill people (maybe if you make them mad enough)
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 21:23:21 GMT

From article <1992Aug13.162610.5264@uwm.edu>, by ski@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Andrew John Urbanski):
> Guns don't kill people, bullets do.  People with gun just do it
> more efficiently!  :-)
> 

What brand of bullets kill people?  (I would like to steer away from them
if this is true.)  I have been around bullets my entire life and not one
has ever attempted to kill me, that I know about anyway.  I have made
them out of hot lead, pushed them into tight cases, caused them to slide
down steel pipes at high rates of speed and done many other things
to/with them, but not one of them has indicated any desire to cause me harm.

Do these bullets kill people just for the fun of it, or do they have to
be provoked.

If you think that people with guns kill efficiently, you ought to see
someone skilled in the use of matches, chemical/biological/neuclear
weapons, or any number of other fun things.
From: chris@fnbc.com (Chris Toczycki)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: The Tent Joke
Date: 20 Aug 92 13:40:12 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: First National Bank Of Chicago, Chicago IL, USA

In article <1992Aug20.010438.11355@walter.cray.com> crgoc@bard.uk.cray.com  
(Gary O'Connor) writes:
> It's willy shakes his spear and henry IV ( I think)

Here it is:


Richard III

1.1
		Enter Richard Duke of Gloucester
RICHARD GLOUCESTER
   	Now is the winter of our discontent
   	Made glorious summer by this son of York;
   	And all the clouds that loured upon our house
   	In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
   	Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths,	  5
	[remainder truncated]
From: gvg@hplvec.LVLD.HP.COM (Greg Goebel)
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 14:42:15 GMT
Subject: Re: REquest for customer support humor
Organization: Hewlett-Packard Co., Loveland, CO
From: troy.beck@smurfbbs.uucp (Troy Beck) 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Joke
Date: 12 Aug 92 23:42:00 GMT
Distribution: world
Organization: SELECTaWARE BBS - Mike Waldner 605/256-2812
Reply-To: troy.beck@smurfbbs.uucp (Troy Beck) 

AD>Newsgroups: rec.humor
AD>From: akn8257@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
AD>Subject: Joke
AD>Message-ID: <1992Aug11.174115.11385@ultb.isc.rit.edu>
AD>Reply-To: akn8257@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
AD>Date: Tue, 11 Aug 1992 17:41:15 GMT

AD>What is the difference between a Circus and a Whorehouse?

AD>A circus is full of CUNNIG STUNTS..
AD>                    ^      ^^

What is the difference between a bunch of pygmy geniuses and a girls track
team?
 
a bunch of pygmy geniuses are CUNNING RUNTS!!!

beck
---
 . DeLuxe. 1.21 #9232 . Fax Me a Beer, Please! <605> 482-8358  Troy Beck
From: maven@lerc.nasa.gov (Larry Fishbach)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Reasons to date engineers
Date: 12 Aug 92 17:34:35 GMT
Reply-To: maven@hercules.lerc.nasa.gov
Followup-To: Requests for answers to my request
Organization: NASA Lewis Research Center, Cleveland, OH

Many thanks to ALL those who responded to my request
for the attached list.  I have received 8 copies so far and
10 requests for a copy when I got mine so I am posting it to all.
  
	This top ten list is taken from the latest engineering t-shirt
that is being offered here at Ohio University.  The author is probably a
collective group of students.


	Top Ten Reasons To Date An Engineer

1.	Extremely Good Looking

2.	High Starting Salary

3.	Free Body Diagrams

4.	Looks Good On A Resume'

5.	Can Calculate Head Pressure

6.	Help With Your Math Homework

7.	Parents Will Approve

8.	We Know How To Handle Stress
	And Strain In Our Relationships

9.	Find Out What Those Other
	Buttons On Your Calculator Do

10.	The World Does Revolve Around Us...
	We Pick The Coordinate System




-- 
*******************************************************************************
maven@hercules.lerc.nasa.gov          Larry Fishbach @ NASA Lewis Cleveland Ohio
"Everything here is my own opinion"   Quoth the Maven "Evermore"
*******************************************************************************
From: speers@opus.mcds.com (Daniel E. Speers)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Lose Weight
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 92 13:20:58 EDT
Organization: Dan's Domain, Randolph, New Jersey

  A friend of mine is trying to lose some weight and would
like some encouragement in the form of jokes about being,
well, a bit overweight.  So, BRING ON THE WEIGHT JOKES!

  Please mail the jokes!

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mlfidler@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Michael L Fidler Jr)
Subject: Re: FORUM Mailing List
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 1992 18:37:51 GMT


     what the heck...sign me up too please.
azathoth+@osu.edu
From: aleks@cray.com (Aleksander Mazur)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Date: 19 Aug 92 16:24:09 GMT
Organization: Cray Research Inc

In article <1406@newsserver.cs.uwindsor.ca> hlynka@server.uwindsor.ca (Myron Hlynka) writes:
>In article <1992Aug18.215116.28661@newstand.syr.edu> podgorny@npac.syr.edu (Marek Podgorny) writes:
>
>>PS: Why do the Scottish bury their dead family members ...
>
>Cease and desist. Stop the the ethnic bashing.
>
>                                     Myron Hlynka
>
>
>

There is no reason for such an alert. Improve your sense of humor,
and above all relax. Marek simply didn't want to be in debt and
that's understandable.

Aleksander Mazur
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: matt@unidata.ucar.edu (Matt Hicks)
Subject: Re: The boy stood on the burning deck...
Organization: Scientific Computing Division/NCAR Boulder, CO
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 00:06:54 GMT

che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au writes:

>	The boy stood on the burning deck,
>	His pocket full of crackers.
>	One fell down his trouser leg,
>	And blew of both his sandshoes.

>		-Paul Hogan

H       H    U       U   H        H   ?????
H       H    U       U   H        H  ?     ?
HHHHHHHHH    U       U   HHHHHHHHHH       ?
H       H     U     U    H        H     ?
H       H      UUUUU     H        H     ?
--
_________________________________________________  /\_/\  _________________
Matthew  B.  Hicks     | Unidata Program Center | ((ovo))  The spotted owl:
matt@unidata.ucar.edu  | UCAR, PO Box 3000      | ():::()  the other "other
303/497-8676	       | Boulder, CO 80307-3000 |   VVV    white meat."   
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: nino@vmars.tuwien.ac.at (Marinos Yannikos)
Subject: Re: ASCII Pics
Organization: TU Wien, Vienna, Austria
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 1992 10:10:46 GMT

pt@geovision.gvc.com (Paul Tomblin) writes:
:                              _  
:                             | \
:                            _|  \______________________________________
:                           - ______        ________________          \_`,
:                         -(_______            -=    -=        USAF       )
:                                  `--------=============----------------`
:                                            -   -
:                                           -   -
:                                `   . .  -  -
:                                 .*` .* ;`*,`.,
:                                  `, ,`.*.*. * 
: __________________________________*  * ` ^ *____________________________
:            IRAQ
: 
: B52 BUFF (contributed by Mary Shafer shafer@skipper.dfrf.nasa.gov, from
:           a signature by rutgers!faatcrl!jimb)

Very nice, but this guy forgot to draw the british soldiers that were killed
in the bombing...
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Hate Computers
From: meachen@med.wcc.govt.nz
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 21:40:05 GMT
Reply-To: meachen@med.wcc.govt.nz
Organization: Wellington City Council, Wgtn, NZ

			Computer Glossary

BYTE 			-- Short for "buy it." refers to how many peripherals
			   you'll have to purchase to support a computer
			   (e.g., there are 8 "buy it", 16 "buy it", or
			   64 "buy it" computers)
CARRIAGE RETURN 	-- What you do if you decide not to keep the kid.
COLD BOOT		-- What a programmer puts on feet in winter.
COMPUTER SCIENCE	-- The fastest growing voodoo art course in american
			   colleges and universities today.
DATA 			-- A nice-a italian girl.
DOWN 			-- Said of a computer made of feathers:
			   "That computer is down."
DUMP 			-- The best place for computers
ELECTRONIC MAIL 	-- Post office jargon for anything delivered in less
			   than a week.
EXPANSION SLOTS 	-- The extra holes in your belt buckle.
FLOPPY DISK 		-- Serious curvature of the spine.
FRIENDLY 		-- Said of anything associated with computers that is
			   difficult to understand or does not work the way it
			   says it will.
INTELLIGENT 		-- A hypothetical term used in computing.
INTERLACE 		-- To tie two boots together.
INTERPRETER 		-- The person you take with you to the computer store
			   to help you understand what the salesman is talking
			   about; usually a twelve year old kid.
KEYPAD 			-- An apartment with a lock.
KEYWORD 		-- "Your place or mine?"
LIGHT PEN 		-- A minimum sentence prison.
LINE FEED 		-- "I've never met anyone as interesting as you
			   before," etc.
MENU 			-- An itemised list of ways to make a mistake on a
			   computer.
MULTI-PROCESSING 	-- To cook statistics more than once.
NETWORK 		-- What fishermen do when not fishing.
OUTPUT DEVICE 		-- A word processor who can't say "no!"
PERIPHERAL 		-- Anything that costs a lot of money that can remotely
			   be associated with computers.
PROGRAM 		-- A random accumulation of bugs.
PROGRAM COUNTER 	-- A parent who limits how much tv you watch.
RAM 			-- Where most of the bugs are kept.
ROM 			-- Where you put all the bugs that won't fit in the ram.
ROUTINE 		-- A program that never works the same way twice.
SILICON 		-- A foolish prisoner.
SKEW 			-- Interface between consenting computers.
SKEW FAILURE 		-- Premature calculation.
SOFTWARE 		-- What hackers wear under their hardware.
SUPERFICHE 		-- Moby dick, jaws, etc.
TERMINAL INTELLIGENCE 	-- To be so smart it kills you.
TIME SHARING 		-- What you do when only one of you has a watch.
VARIABLE 		-- Anything with a fixed value you thought would change.
WORD PROCESSING 	-- To change the meanings of words, e.g., to make the
			   simplest communication completely unintelligible.
WORK STATION 		-- A desk with a dumb terminal sitting at a computer.
ZAP 			-- The ultimate bug killer.

Hooray! you've mastered the lingo! now, just remember:
 
Those who can, Compute.
   Those who cannot, Program.
Those who can't program, Write Manuals.
   Those who can't write manuals, Sell Computers!
* Glossary items and quotes taken from "the official computer hater's handbook"
By D.J. Arneson (dell publ. Co. 1983)


--
Red
From: che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Bartrek etc (repost)
Date: 19 Aug 92 09:51:17 +1000
Organization: Computer Centre, Monash University, Australia

Most of you will have read the Bar Trek rules.
Project: other sets of rules for Dr. Who, soapies, political speeches, Phil
         Oprah, etc.

Dr. Who suggestions to  che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au
            	    or     brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au

eg   Female companion screams            :    1
     Female companion screams as closing :
 	credits begin			 :    2


Cheers

David B.
From: che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: The boy stood on the burning deck...
Date: 13 Aug 92 16:52:56 +1000
Organization: Computer Centre, Monash University, Australia

	The boy stood on the burning deck,
	His pocket full of crackers.
	One fell down his trouser leg,
	And blew of both his sandshoes.

		-Paul Hogan
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
From: PA146008@utkvm1.utk.edu  (David Veal)
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Organization: The University of Tennessee, Knoxville
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 05:33:30 GMT

In article <14106@auspex-gw.auspex.com>
johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:

>
>In article <1992Aug17.181150.4911@athena.mit.edu> sybok@athena.mit.edu (The Rifeman) writes:
>|In article <sc0LPB2w164w@opus.mcds.com> speers@opus.mcds.com (Daniel E. Speers writes:
>|>   I support the right to bear arms, but what about arming bears?
>|>
>|>   Where do we draw the line?  Rocket Launchers to hunt dear?
>|
>|Hunting, hunting, hunting.  You keep talking about arms in relation
>|to hunting.  THE SECOND AMENDMENT IS NOT ABOUT HUNTING!!!  The colonials
>|weren't hunting when they rose up against their oppressor to gain
>|freedom.
>
>Hmmm. Did they have rocket launchers and semi-automatic rifles when the
>second amendment was passed?  Just wondering?
>
     In the first place this is irrelevent.  The second amendment is no
more restricted to 18th century weapons than the first is restricted to
18th century communications.

     In the second, the advancement of weapons in the 18th century was
quite impressive, if that much of it was still in the experimental stage.
The founders were bright, educated men who knew of such things and
considering the advances in weaponry in their during their own lifetime,
one can only imagine they were not blind that it would continue.  The
word is 'arms,' not flintlocks.  (Rocket launchers and automatic
weapons had at least advanced to a prototype stage.  The current mechanisms
we use in rockets, semi-automatic, and automatic weapons is, of course,
different, but the theory was known.)


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| David Veal  PA146008@utkvm1.utk.edu                                  |
|             University of Tennessee Division of Continuing Education |
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