From: ipacs@solomon.technet.sg (IPACS PTE LTD)
Subject: Troubled
Organization: National University of Singapore
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 04:21:00 GMT


Hello All,

 

I am really troubled by a tough decision to make. To stay as I am now or to 

undergo another corrective surgery.

 

All this happened 2 months ago when a series of coincidences and mistakes 

lead to my present problem. I was scheduled for an elective operation for 

the ligation of varicocele in my left testis. I was admitted and the blood 

test etc was carried out. It so happened that another patient was going for 

a sex ressignment surgery was next to me. It was interesting talking to him 

as I learnt quite a lot of the way a transexual feel. Then I was given this 

wrist tag with my name on it (I didn't check as I assume it should be 

right). In actual fact there was a mix up, one thing that could have 

contributed to it was that I looked quite alike the patient next to me. That 

evening the anaesthetist came to make his rounds and assures me that the 

operation will be really fast - I opted for General Anaesthesia because I 

didn't want to know the operation is going on and I would like to sleep 

through it.

 

That night they gave me a valium to calm my nerves. The next morning I 

wasn't really fully awake when they wheeled me into the operation theatre. 

At the operation theatre. I remembered hearing some confusion and the nurse

call a name and tapped my shoulder, it didn't sound like my name but I was 

too tired and just answered "uh" and went back to sleep. The next thing I 

know I was given this injection and I was really knocked out, I could feel 

them putting a tube into my throat.

 

The next thing I knew I was in the recovery room and the anesthetist woke me 

up, calling some name. I didn't really answer then I just opened my eyes 

and nodded, then went back to sleep again. That afternoon, I woke up and 

felt some pain in my groin area and asked for some pain killers. I didn't 

know anything was wrong yet. I asked the nurse who gave me the tablets what 

time it was - she told me it was 12 noon and that the operation took about 

2 hours, I was quite surprised that it took so long as they told me ligation 

of varicocele would only take half an hour or less. I noticed that something 

was wrong when I looked around and found that the patients around me were 

all ladies. I asked the nurse who told me the after such operation - (she 

didn't tell me exactly what the operation was) - the patient will be 

transferred to the ladies ward. After some questioning, she mentioned the 

name on my wrist tag - I took a look and was shocked - that's not my name. I 

thought about it and everything became clear - that was the name of the TS 

next to me. You could imagine what went on in my head - initially I was 

really furious and demanded to see to surgeon. When the surgeon came some

time later, he explained for the mistake - the other patient also had a 

small varicocele on the same side which was ligated. By then my temper had 

died down and I accepted that what was done had been done, the surgeon told 

me about several options - another surgery to reconstruct the penis and 

testis but it would not be the same and I would be infertile, remain as 

such, or take estrogen and get a breast implant. He also added that it would 

be easier to lead a more normal female life (sexually) than a reconstruction 

to lead a life as a male.

 

Now I am really confused as I didn't really mind being a male and never 

thought of becoming a female until now. A stent is placed in my artificial 

vagina to keep it patent and I was told that I won't need it if I chose to 

become a male. I am not taking any estrogen, but still my voice is changing 

slightly and I noticed loss in facial hair.

 

So am I a neuter now? I often ask myself which do I prefer to stay as I am 

and remove the vaginal stent, and not take estrogen or testosterone, or to 

take some action.

 

Confused...