From: kapa@cbnewsc.cb.att.com (k.a.perkins)
Subject: Re: Maternity lv and day care
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: na
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 06:13:51 GMT
Summary: our current experience

In article <KAYVAN.92Dec28185458@satyr.Sylvan.COM>, kayvan@satyr.Sylvan.COM (Kayvan Sylvan) writes:
> In article <ddg-241292084132@dgregorio.mitre.org> ddg@mitre.org (Donna D. Gregorio) writes:
> 
>    I am expecting my second child in May and am trying to decide what to do
>    about continuing Day Care for my first 2.5 yr old daughter while on
>    maternity leave (3 months).  I would like to take her out of Day Care and
>    spend the time with her and the new baby.  Anyone have any
>    advice/experience they'd like to share?  Thanks in advance.

Hi,

Maddie was 38 months when Rachel was born and had been going to
daycare 4 days a week with folks she was very fond of.  She had 
been going to the same home situation for 2 years.  Between my
husband and myself, we will be taking care of the kids at home for
about a year.

My best advice to you is to do what YOU think is right.  As you know
by now, everyone has advice for parents.  Your daughter
may give you very conflicting signals.  Maddie said things to her
daycare provider like, "If I go to pre-school (my plan for her while I
was at home) I'll never see you again".  After the baby was born,
she repeatedly said to me, "I want to stay home with you".  I'm
sure she felt both ways at various times.  I think she would be
very hurt if Rachel and I stayed home and she went to daycare fulltime
and would feel even more stress at the new addition than she already
does.

A note on that - Maddie and I spent a lot of time by ourselves before
Rachel was born, and I really miss that time.  She does, too, and so
I work at getting time by myself with her.  Whatever you do, your
child will probably have a period of adjustment to the changes in
the household.

The first 2 weeks or so that I was home from the hospital, we continued
the regular daycare schedule while I got rested up from my c-section,
then tapered it down to a couple days a week.  After the holidays, we
cut her to 1 day a week and enrolled her in classes at the park
district.  We couldn't put her into
preschool because she didn't make the state age cutoff.  I wanted her
at home with me and I wasn't crazy about paying for daycare when I was
at home and we only had one income.  I think it is working okay,
although I think she would have really liked pre school.  

She gave very conflicting signals - she fussed and fussed the night
before classes at the Park District started about not wanting to go,
wanting to stay home with me and Rachel, and then that morning she
was all fired up to go and had a great time.  She didn't want to go
to daycare the first time after the holidays but then she had a great
time there, too.

It is nice for the child to get out and see her friends and it is
nice for you to have some time alone with your new child. 
> 
> Keeping your daughter in daycare while staying home with the new baby
> can easily generate intense sibling rivalry.
I strongly agree with this.  Maddie would have felt very excluded by
this.

Kate Perkins
Newsgroups: misc.kids