Path:
andrew.cmu.edu!bb3.andrew.cmu.edu!crabapple.srv.cs.cmu.edu!cantaloupe.srv.
cs.cmu.edu!rochester!udel!louie!newsserver.jvnc.net!yale.edu!spool.mu.edu
!torn!nott!bnrgate!bcars267!bnr.ca!grey
From: grey@bnr.ca (Grey)
Subject: [alt.ensign.wesley.die.die.die] Top 20 list and then some.......
Reply-To: grey@bnr.ca (Grey)
Organization: Bell-Northern Research Ltd.
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 21:37:15 GMT

-----
From: kirkm@hotcity.COM (Kirk Marcroft)
Newsgroups: alt.ensign.wesley.die.die.die
Subject: Top 20 list and then some.......
Date: 20 Jan 93 23:51:54 PST
 
  
                  **20 Things That Never Happen In Star Trek**
                    ----------------------------------------
  
 1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has
 encountered several times before.
  
 2. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all
 perfectly all right.
  
 3. Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and it works properly.
  
 4. The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new lifeform, which later
 turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform wearing a funny hat.
  
 5. The crew of the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious plague, for which the
 only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
  
 6.The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people
 which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
  
 7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another
 without a serious incident.
  
 8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the
 Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the
 right leads.
  
 9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty
 capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
  
 10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which
 doesn't put them on trial.
  
 11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which
 has mistacken them for some one else, then lets them go.
 
 12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where
 everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon shown to be
 exactly what it seems.
  
 13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but
 fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to
 everyone's suprise.
  
 14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in
 some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.
  
 15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and
 isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
  
 16. Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
  
 17. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves out
 after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
  
 18. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarty git,
 and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.
  
 19. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being
 able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences
 that anyone says to him.
  
 20. Most things that are new or in some way unexpected.
  
  
          The TOP TEN Favorite Activities of Capt. Jean-Luc Picard
          --------------------------------------------------------
  
 10. Ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the
     forehead and saying, "I could have had a V-8!"
  9. Yelling "Punchbuggy!" And hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees
     a shuttlecraft.
  8. Screwing around in the holodeck when he should be on the bridge.
  7. Spotlighting unsuspecting crewmembers with the glare from his forehead.
  6. Lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other
     life-forms.
  5. Sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if Dick Hertz
     is there.
  4. Asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a
     REAL Picard Maneuver."
  3. Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral
     Zone by asking, "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
  2. Telling crewmembers in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead, Make it
     so."
  1. Putting banana peels on the transporter beams pads.
 
 
by Steve Smith........




-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
grey@bnr.ca			              I think I know enough of hate
greymouser			     	      To say that for destruction ice
my own opinions, not those of my employer     Is also great, and would suffice
------------------------------------------------------------------------------