From: che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au
Newsgroups: alt.fan.monty-python
Subject: Re: Dogs & Bodies - commercial opportunity?
Date: 15 Nov 92 23:28:51 GMT
Followup-To: alt.fan.monty-python,alt.tasteless
X-From: u9147063@cs.uow.edu.au (Richard Barry Ling)
X-Newsgroups: alt.tasteless

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X-Date: 15 Nov 92 00:56:19 GMT
X-Organization: Dept of Computer Science, Wollongong University, Australia

stcmille@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Stephen C. Miller) writes:
> mike@meiko.com (Mike Stok) writes:

> > What are the regulations for disposing of corpses?  Would it be
> > possible to open a "discount" funeral parlour where to some suitably

> 	Great old Monty Python sketch, something like, we can do three
> things with your mother's corpse: We can burn her, dump her, or eat her

(Cut to an undertaker's shop. A customer enters)

Undertaker (Graham Chapman): Morning.
Man (John Cleese): Morning.
Undertaker:  What can I do for you, squire?
Man:  (solemnly) Well, I wonder if you can help me. You see, my mother
      has just died.
Undertaker:  Ah, well, we can help you. We deal with stiffs.
Man:  What?
Undertaker:  Well, there's three things we can do with your mum. We can
             bury her, burn her or dump her.
Man:  (shocked) Dump her?
Undertaker:  Dump her in the Thames.
Man:  What?
Undertaker:  Oh, did you like her?
Man:  Yes!
Undertaker:  Oh well, we won't dump her, then. Well, what do you think?
             We can bury her or burn her.
Man:  Well, which do you recommend?
Undertaker:  Well, they're both nasty. If we burn her she gets stuffed
             in the flames, crackle, crackle, crackle, which is a bit
             of a shock if she's not quite dead, but quick, (the audience
             starts booing) and then we give you a handful of ashes,
             which you can pretend were hers.
Man:  Oh.
Undertaker:  Or if we bury her she gets eaten up by lots of weevils,
             and nasty maggots, (the booing increases) which as I said
             before is a bit of a shock if she's not quite dead.
Man:  I see. Well, she's definitely dead.
Voices In Audience:  Let's have something decent ... it's disgusting ...
Undertaker:  Where is she?
Man:  She's in this sack.
Undertaker:  Can I have a look? (looks in sack) She looks quite young.
Man:  Yes, yes, she was.
        (Increasing protests from audience.)
Undertaker:  (calling) Fred!
Fred's voice (Eric Idle):  Yeah?
Undertaker:  I think we've got an eater.
Man:  What?
        (Another undertaker pokes his head round the door.)
Fred:  Right, I'll get the oven on. (goes off)
Man:  Er, excuse me, um, are you suggesting eating my mother?
Undertaker:  Er... yeah, not raw. Cooked.
Man:  What?
Undertaker:  Yes, roasted with a few french fries, broccoli,
             horseradish sauce...
Man:  Well, I do feel a bit peckish...
Voices In Audience:  Disgraceful! Boo! etc.
Undertaker:  Great!
Man:  Can we have some parsnips?
Undertaker:  (calling) Fred - get some parsnips.
Man:  I really don't think I should.
Undertaker:  Look, tell you what, we'll eat her, if you feel a bit
             guilty about it after, we can dig a grave and you can
             throw up in it.

(A section of the audience rises up in revolt and invades the set.)

> (former grad star turned rock student)
> Steve Miller	 		    stcmille@silver.ucs.indiana.edu

--------------------- Richard.  u9147063@cs.uow.edu.au ---------------------
"The rooster stared back at me, his power and confidence almost overwhelming.
Down below, a female paused warily at the coop's entrance. I kept the camera
running. They were beautiful, these 'Chickens in the mist'."  -  Gary Larson
Newsgroups: alt.fan.monty-python