HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: brm@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Brian R. Murphy)
Subject: Re: My New Year's Eve
Organization: none
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 11:13:33 GMT

In article <B2i2wB5w165w@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca> pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe) writes:
	...
> Do you think that you're the only one who's ever been alone? Who's ever 
>been down? Who's ever had a depression New Year's? The trick isn't to 
>WALLOW in your angst -- alt.angst, to me, isn't a place for such 
>self-indulgence, but rather for a purging. Do you like your pain? Sure 
>sounds like it...and unless you want it to be your constant companion, 

Well, for me (though I'm not the original poster, I'd write a similar
story), I seem to enjoy wallowing in angst, or bad situations in
general.  Give me a death in my family (none, unfortunately) or a good
war or disaster or a failed or unfulfilled relationship or just
general loneliness or even an angstful realization of the
pointlessness of my own existence.  Why?  because no matter what the
external situation is, I still feel pain.  I can be distracted from it
for a time, perhaps even for a while, but as soon as the dust clears,
the climax is reached, the party ends or even is still for a moment, I
still feel it, deep inside.

Having a focus for it, any focus, any cause, makes me feel better.
That way I at least think I know why I hate life.

You might say "You're responsible for your pain, deal with it, do
something about it.  You don't have to be in a painful situation", but
the pain bas been an inseparable part of life for me.  I am the pain.
It was there before I existed as a conscious being.  It almost doesn't
make sense for it not to be there.

Actually, I still don't quite really believe that existence is
possible without it.  For years I wondered how everyone else was so
good at pretending to be happy, while I could never quite keep up the
sham for long.  I still almost believe they're just "unconscious" of
their fate, a different species, not like me.

Clinical depression?  Probably.  Curable?  Maybe.  But the problem is
deeper than just a failure to try to have fun, or a failure to purge
the ill humours.  For a long time I thought it was, that there was
some easy fix, some magic "happy" behavior I just wasn't getting
right.  I've come to realize that I have to recognize and deal with
the inside pain before the outside pain matters (as more than a mirror
to reveal what's inside).

>I'd suggest you try to deal with it before IT starts to deal with YOU.

I'd modify that to, deal with it now, since it's already dealing with
you.  But first, you have to figure out what IT is, and that may not
be easy at all.

					-Brian
From: zlsiida@fs1.mcc.ac.uk (dave budd)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: General Theory of Depression
Date: 11 Jan 93 11:54:45 GMT
Organization: Manchester Computing Centre

In article <q477wB3w165w@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca> markp@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (Mark A. Pitcher) writes:

>       Actually, I've seen that some women make up sexual abuse
>stories to get sympathy. After all, how can we _not_ believe
>them? One girl I knew ALWAYS had an abuse story about a
>previous boyfriend -- fortunately I knew the boyfriends and her
                                   =====================
>enough to know the BS she spewed. 

I knew this guy for 10 years before I found out he beat his wife.
He did it to his second wife as well.
Luckily they both got out and now have satisfactory relationships......
as far as I know.

Just because you think you know somebody, don't assume you know "what goes 
on behind closed doors".
I mean, the guy above wasn't obviously a cunning bastard, but he knew where 
bruises wouldn't show.  And how to scare women into keeping their mouths shut



        Never believe an experiment until it is confirmed by theory 
    Dave Budd, MCC, Oxford Rd, Manchester, England    (44|0)61-275-6033
From: eradm@wbst845e.xerox.com (Erik Radmall)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: More Angst
Date: 12 Jan 93 14:11:22 GMT
Reply-To: eradm@wbst845e.xerox.com
Organization: Xerox Corporation

After watching that "Street Stories" the other night about tuberculosis,
I have yet another source of angst. It is not enough to have diseases
like AIDS that have no known cure. Now, TB has made a comeback with
some treatment resistant strains of its own. The worst part about TB is
that it's an airborne germ, so you can catch it by just being in the
wrong place at the wrong time. This guy ("TB Willie") infected something
like 5,000 people in Bath, Maine, just by being in the same general
area as them. Luckily, it was not one of the new resistant strains.
These treatment-resistant strains have developed because a few assholes
refuse to take their medication for the full treatment cycle (up to
1 full year of pills and injections, daily).

Just thought y'all would like some more fodder for the angst mill...

---
Erik Radmall -- eradm.roch803@xerox.com
From: pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Books & MY New Year's
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 93 03:14:41 EST
Distribution: world
Organization: darkpark

callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan) writes:

> pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe) writes:
> 
> >The "slap in
> >the face" which your story gave me was (a) because you wrote what you 
>                  ^^^^
> >wanted quite well, achieving the desired result, and (b) I write myself, 
> >and know where that kind of story comes from. It was a good joke, but 
> >good jokes usually come from great pain, the kind of great pain I myself 
> >have experienced on occasion.
> 
> Not *my* story, by the way.  I think this should be clear from a bunch of
> things (most obviously the fact that my name did not appear on the posting). 
> Actually, I did post an account of my New Year's Eve, which was quite 
> different, and true.

 Oops.


> But anyway, I wasn't even saying this guy was a geek.  I was saying that 
> he might prefer a woman who was in CS, because she wouldn't have outrageous
> prejudices about dating a CS major.  And, *please* don't tell me this is 
> never a problem.
> 

 Wouldn't know; I'm and English Lit. major myself.
 Maybe it is a problem, but I do know this; I have quite a few CS or Math 
major friends, and without exception, they're all involved with Artsie 
women. 


> This isn't fatalism; it's realism.  Are you suggesting that as long as I have
> the right attitude, I'll never get run over by a truck?  Not *too* plausible.

 That's illogical as all hell.
 The getting-hit-by-a-truck scenario is out of your control, practically 
an act of god. To compare that with romance or sex or whatever is 
ludicrous...hell, I can't even rebut your analogy because it's so off 
base.


marlowe

------------------------------------------------------------------darkpark BBS
pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ABienek@acorn.co.uk (Alex Bienek)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: more depression
Date: 4 Jan 93 18:23:10 GMT
Organization: Acorn Computers Ltd, Cambridge, England

In article <1htj35INNkbc@natinst.com> Thad_Engeling@quickmail.natinst.com (Thad Engeling) writes:



> He has been
>mooching off of her for the last two years. He dropped out of high-school, has no job,
>is a junkie, and has no goals in life. According to Emily he is a total fucking loser.
>So it turns out that the night that I called to ask her out, Ali was going out with
>Chris - giving him another chance.
>Why.
>Nice guys always lose.

This is *so* true ! But why ? 
I actually had the opportunity to question three girls about this sort behaviour, and
try to get a straight answer to the the question 'What is it you look for in a guy/relationship ?'
But it was totally impossible to get any kind of consistent answer. I must have spent two
or three hours talking to them, and was absolutely none the wiser afterwards.
Strange.

Alex.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: an5275@anon.penet.fi
Subject: New Year's Eve
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.angst
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 21:30:04 GMT

X-Anon-To: alt.angst

I watched My Cousin Vinny (which sucked) with my parents until 10:30 PM, then
we watched 1992: Year of the Farce until 11 PM, when I went to bed.  

This year I will be 25.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi.
Due to the double-blind system, any replies to this message will be anonymized,
and an anonymous id will be allocated automatically. You have been warned.
From: xibo@fido.econ.arizona.edu (Mr. Coates)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: My New Year's Eve
Date: 6 Jan 93 08:08:33 GMT
Distribution: alt
Organization: Xibological Perimeter

In article <1993Jan5.190304.14813@csi.com> mark@csi.com (Mark Kaplan) writes:
#
#   Hey Bub, I don't think you understand what this group is all about.  It
#   definitely is not for bragging about your fancy sports cars and all the hot
#   "babes" you have scored with.  Why don't you go back to your fraternity and
#   all your sorority chicks and leave us alone.
#
#   - mark

Well first of all, I hate fratboys & soregirls.  The club was full
of teenydoomers, persons in black, angstful souls all.

Second of all, the newsgroup is about angst, right?  So if my post
causes you angst, then it must be legitimate, no?


Xibub
Organization: Arizona State University
Date: Tuesday, 12 Jan 1993 10:53:21 MST
From: <IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET>
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: General Theory of Depression
 <1993Jan10.075814.25836@microsoft.com>
 <1993Jan10.211341.21451@blaze.cs.jhu.edu>
 <1993Jan12.003054.2701@blaze.cs.jhu.edu>

do i care about honesty??? do i CARE about honesty????

its been so long, who the hell knows??

for my 2 cents, i'm tired of being told whatever it is i want to hear,
just for the sake of manipulation. i'd rather be told the truth, no
matter how bad, no matter how much it may hurt, than be lulled into
complacency with somebody's lies.
-----jo
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: rorschak@daimi.aau.dk (Jesper Lauridsen)
Subject: Re: My New Year's Eve
Organization: depressed
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 93 04:42:13 GMT

pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe) writes:

> Do you think that you're the only one who's ever been alone? Who's ever 
>been down? Who's ever had a depression New Year's? 

What difference does that make? Stop screaming - do you think that
you are the only one that has had your legs broken? 

It might not be your intention but you sound like someone from alt.romance.chat
-- 
 Jesper Lauridsen      | 
 rorschak@daimi.aau.dk |     I think, therefore I angst
From: pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: General Theory of Depression
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 93 22:10:58 EST
Distribution: world
Organization: darkpark

> ObAngst: Every woman I've ever had more than a superficial 
> conversation with has related a tale of sexual abuse and/or
> rape. I think the statistic "one in three women" is, unfortunately,
> too low. Another "image appreciated in our society" would appear
> to be that women are punching bags.
> 

 Right on! I thought that *I* was the only one to notice this, and I 
never know how to react. I mean, such a "confession" has so god damn many 
aspects...on the one hand, they're giving you a sign of trust by telling 
you something painful and private, but on the other hand, there always 
seems to be some psychological undercurrent which I can never quite 
grasp. Almost...I dunno...like they take some kind of perverse pleasure 
out of showing their scars. Or are trying to let you know that they're 
strong enough to get past something like that. Or testing to see how you 
react to such a horror story. Or something.

 I pride myself on understanding women more than a lot of guys do, but 
THIS...no dice. Help a guy out, ladies?

marlowe

------------------------------------------------------------------darkpark BBS
pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: qualities in men
Date: 9 Jan 93 21:08:31 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

i have no clue what most women want in a man. i can't speak for anyone
but myself, and it's dawned on me that i'm hardly representative of
the gender. but people keep asking "what do women look for in men?"
here's one answer.

the biggest killer for me is guys who just aren't interesting. either
they're totally wrapped up in "why aren't i getting laid?" or their
jobs or some little tiny aspect of their lives, or they just aren't
good at expressing what' on their mind in ways that appeal to me. 

i like men who are interested in lots of things, who are intelligent
and funny and sexually adventurous and who understand me (or at least
try to). i think one of the biggest attractions is having a guy i
think is totally cool think *i'm* fascinating and want to get to know
me, want to crawl inside my head and watch my mind work for a while.
looks are nice (i have a thing for guys with long hair), but not
everything. once there were two guys i thought were utterly sexy and
lusted after; one was 5'8" and weighed about 120 pounds, the other was
6'2" and weighed 250.  unfortunately, i only got to date the first
one.

i like men who are a little dangerous, a little unpredictable, which
does not translate into wanting to be abused. i just can't take anyone
seriously who won't stand up to me and tell me i'm full of shit when
i'm being unreasonable. men who are confident enough in themselves and
their attractiveness to me to tell me to fuck off when i need to hear
it amaze me. i like it. i like a little friction, a little
unsettledness in a relationship. i'm a strong personality and need
someone who's not going to allow me to run him over.

this doesn't mean i'm into bullies or not interested in shy men. shy
people can have a strong sense of who they are and when they're being
pushed too far. and bullies are just boring after a while. i don't
wanna be anyone's doormat.

this all boils down to me liking/wanting real people, men who aren't
afraid to just exist as who they are without worrying about what
effect that's having on me and my perception of them. men who can talk
about things and listen to me talk and really care about what i'm
saying.

--
sine | deb
this is a personal opinion, not a personal ad.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: semenoff@fraser.sfu.ca (Robert Semenoff)
Subject: Re: hair (was Re: qualities in men)
Organization: Simon Fraser University, Burnaby, B.C., Canada
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 21:11:11 GMT

In article <1993Jan11.195024.23250@blaze.cs.jhu.edu> callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan) writes:
>As far as I'm concerned, hair is a personal thing
<deleted>
>It does remind me of an odd incident... Years ago, I spent a few months 
>shaving the middle out of the beard on my chin (because it never grew quite the
>way I wanted it to).  My friends would sometimes comment on it, but it was no 
>big deal.  Anyway, one day I looked into the mirror and saw a total maniac 
>staring back.  I immediately got rid of the beard and just kept the mustache.  
>Has anyone else had this type of experience?

Any comments from my friends are to "get rid of it!".
I won't though, not for a while. I'm still not over the novelty of 
having somewhat wierd-looking facial hair.


>It's curiously liberating to look generic, because people don't have as many 
>preconceptions about who you are.  Before that, I had lots of hair on my head 
>(growing *out* as much as it grew down), a mustache, and a goatee.  I have red>hair (which I like), but the whole effect made me stand out a little more than>I wanted to.  Sometimes it's more useful to be inconspicuous.
>

About 2 years ago I started letting all my hair grow out and
started wearing bizarre clothing, throwing
all observation of conventional
fashion to the wind. I found that liberating in another way, compared
to a more conventional appearance .
I found that an outlandish appearance is a license for
greater freedom of behavior.

Two possible explanations:

1.
The people around you expect (and sometimes appreciate)
non-conventional behaviour because you have already communicated
it (through your outward appearance).

2.
You're in a more relaxed frame of mind (you're not really worried
about your appearance because you're so far out already),
and you don't give a shit what anybody thinks of you,
so you just act more naturally.

>Since then, it's allowed me to focus on issues besides the effect of my hair 
>on my life, so I have no regrets.

>I think what I'd really like is to be able to switch back and forth between
>looking weird and looking respectable.
>--

This is tough. For myself, I'd like to find a place to work  
(after I graduate) where wierd is not necessarily unrespectable.

>Paul Callahan (callahan@biffvm

-Rob
--






























































































































Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: gosper@opal.cs.tu-berlin.de (Carsten Gremzow)
Subject: Re: people make my brain hurt.
Organization: Techn. University of Berlin, Germany
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 09:47:34 GMT

Sure feels good not to be the only one:

"...and they're tearing off little bits and they won't
stop and there's not going to be any me left for me when they finish.
or they come to me and have ideas about how i will respond, what i
will say, and i know there's no way in hell i can live up to them so
i pretend as long as i can.."

..it's not only that everyone's seems to be pulling at you but what really
sucks the most is the fact that once they know that it's so damn easy to
put you under pressure you're being taken advantage of - almost all of
the time and without any hesitation. And to top the whole thing off your
friends turn out to be real assholes...
I hate having to live up to expectations - it really turns your life into
one big nightmare...(well, maybe no..t) I can't stand myself for totally 
adjusting to my environment and sucking up to people just to have bit of
that sensation of accecptance. God, why is it so hard NOT to pretend to be
somebody else ? Don't answer that !

I hate growing up !
Carsten

Never mind grammer && spelling - it's been a while...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
gosper@cs.tu-berlin.de          "Life sucks but I insist on enjoying it !" 
   cae@dcon1.hmi.de

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: rjh27@cl.cam.ac.uk (R.J. Hindle)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: communication
Date: 11 Jan 93 13:16:11 GMT
Organization: U of Cambridge Computer Lab, UK

In article <1iqsv5INN5rf@master.cs.rose-hulman.edu>, parkhugj@NeXTwork.Rose-HulmanEdu (Gregory J Parkhurst) writes:
|> 
|> Or how about (purely hypothetical situation, of course):
|> 
|> You meet someone who seems to be in as much need of a close friend as yourself,
|> and, after some tentative exchanges, you open up to that person.  You think  
|> you've finally run into someone who you can communicate with clearly and  
|> honestly, with no need to maintain labels or pretenses.  She listens without  
|>
|> [...]
|> 
|> Your best friend has turned into another disposable acquaintance, and you can't
|> even be sure why (Something you did?  Something she did?  Act of God?), because
|> open communication isn't there anymore.
|> 
|> Would you hold on to a friendship like this?  You still have someone to talk to
|> (whether by writing, phone, or face-to-face), but try to talk to on a level  
|> that _matters_ and you may as well be alone.  Oh, and remember - you promised  
|> not to drift off...


Yes.  Even if she seems not to be interested any more, as long as you're sure she
doesn't think "Oh God, it's him again" when you contact her, it's worth holding
on.  Friendship is important, especially if at one time you were communicating
like that.  You may not get feedback from her, but she is still listening, and
sometimes it's enough just to _tell_ someone how you feel to sort things out in
your own mind, even if they have nothing to say.  And despite the fact that she
no longer _seems_ interested, she may still be very disappointed if you stopped
talking to her.


   ____   __       _____________________        __________________________
  / ___\ / /_     /                     \      /                          \
 / / __ / __ \   /    Richard Hindle     \    / "Today will soon be here   \
/_/ / //_/ /_/  |                         |--|   again; tomorrow may take   |
 __/ /           \  rjh27@uk.ac.cam.phx  /    \  longer"  - Deacon Blue    /
 \__/             \_____________________/      \__________________________/
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: singram@eng.auburn.edu (Scott Ingram)
Subject: Re: My New Year's Eve
Reply-To: singram@eng.auburn.edu
Organization: Auburn University Engineering
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 03:27:10 GMT

In article 14813@csi.com, mark@csi.com (Mark Kaplan) writes:
>In article <XIBO.93Jan1093305@fido.fido.econ.arizona.edu> xibo@fido.econ.arizona.edu (Mr. Coates) writes:

>>Xibo
>
>Hey Bub, I don't think you understand what this group is all about.  It
>definitely is not for bragging about your fancy sports cars and all the hot
>"babes" you have scored with.  Why don't you go back to your fraternity and
>all your sorority chicks and leave us alone.
>
>- mark

That's no bub, that's Xibo!


Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: dante@microsoft.com (throated plaid)
Subject: Re: Back To Work Angst
Date: 10 Jan 93 07:42:55 GMT
Organization: the velvet sweatshop


Well, it's my turn to whine. And whining it is, because 
I suspect the even the denizens of alt.angst may have
trouble relating to this. 

I can't work--I can't bring myself to lift a finger to
do what's expected of me. Instead I talk on the phone
or play on internet or pick my nose--anything but do
the work. And the work is easy. Hell, everytime I walk
into a 7-11 I realize how good I've got it and how 
fucked I'll have it if I lose this job (BTW, if any of
my charming co-workers are reading this, I invite you
to go fuck yourselves noisily--feel free to alert my
manager that I'm a slacker, it's not like he doesn't
know, and I'll see you in karmic hell). 

The petty things they want me to do with computers--
take a certain kind of data and change it into another
kind of data--really started to bore me about a year
and a half ago. I can't do ANYTHING unless it interests
me and once I know that a given thing can be done
on a computer, the nuts and bolts of actually doing it
bore me to tears. 

I've learned to pad trivialities until they look
good on a weekly report ("polished desk with own
spit and toothbrush, cleaned bits of food from
keyboard with toothpick, wrote program that calls
people I hate and plays them speech-synthesized
ambrose bierce quotes from the Bartlett's CD-ROM....")

My last boss referred to me as a "motivational
challenge" which peeved me for a long time, but 
I've mellowed out considerably as of late
and I'm much less worried about My Attitude.
What do you expect, I work for a Very Large
Corporation known for its rapacious aggression;
a corporation just as guilty, in its own way,
of exploiting the poor and the weak, as, say,
Nestle or Union Carbide. 

It'd be very easy to blame it all on the job.
But I couldn't get through high school, not
to mention college. 

Self-pity? You make the call. How dare you,
you don't even know me. FOAD.

--
"I respect a man who goes to where he wants to be
 even if he wants to be dead." --Vic Chesnutt