From: jakec@ralvmm.vnet.ibm.com (Jake Coughlin)
Subject: Re: Role Models (was Gay Homophobia)
Originator: jakec@ralvmm.vnet.ibm.com
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 92 20:59:00 GMT
Organization: IBM T. J. Watson Research

rsr@soda.berkeley.edu (Roy S. Rapoport):
>>need to see that they can be gay without becoming (gasp) nelly
>>think of it, my good friends, Instant Nelly, the breakfast bar.
> 
> Hmm ... are you disputing this?

you seem to miss sarver's point a bit, roy.  sarver wants nelly gays
to stop coming out of the closet because that sends bad messages to
closetted masculine gays and otherwise normal society.  do i dispute
this?  of course because sarver has confused the notion of
responsibility in being out of the closet.  if i have a responsibility
to closetted gays, it is only to be unclosetted so they know that *i*
exist in this heterosexist world, but still, i am open for my personal
freedom, not for the emotional well-being of others.  i have no
responsibility to be a role model.  i owe closet cases very little
whereas i owe myself everything.

your point is that men who come out of the closet undergo some
metamorphosis from masculine to effeminate, and this is simply just
too simple.  as arnold has already written, coming to terms with your
homosexuality requires adjustments in your ideology of masculinity
(and sarver is an obvious example of someone who can't.)  as part of
this process, you may notice that you're acquiring some "feminine"
traits although this isn't a very precise statement.  is camp, aka
humor, effeminate?  is compromise effeminate?  is self-reflection
effeminate?  is the ability to relate effeminate?  if so, then i'm
proud to be effeminate, and i pick my lee press-on nails in your
general direction.  [there's a subtle point in that little bit o'
drag.]

> I can only offer my own personal
> experience and tell you that that is something I'm very concerned about with
> regards to myself ... I find myself watching this part of myself very
> carefully ... It's probably not very rational, I'd agree.  But for me, it is
> a concern.

then this, pardon my lack of diplomacy, is *your* problem.  more
precisely, in the context of gender, i don't need to qualify my
behavior as positive/negative.  unlike you, i would rather qualify
your reaction to my behavior as positive/negative, and if i decide
you're being negative, then you can not so kindly shove off.  i'm
working on myself, where you have no jurisdiction.

as an essay question for you, why precisely are you so concerned?  it
seems to me that this self-cinema would waste considerable resources
when you realize just how much you're missing of what truly matters to
*you*.

> I have learned, and still am learning, to
> be open and natural and confident about who I am, what I am, and
> what my tastes are like

then, dear heart, apply this lesson to your nelly-filter.

> Eric Neville, one of my two best straight friends, is a role model

i can't imagine why you would juxtapose Eric's sexual orientation with
his eligibility as a role model.  ohhhhh, i see... been there, done
that.

> Looking at my three choices now, I realize that the third one seems rather
> shallow.  It probably is shallow.  Oh well ...

oh dear.  i would suggest you find a nice, compfy leather chair.  sit
down.  relax.  it'll all be over soon.

jake, who really hopes this doesn't sound too condescending since
the voice in his head doesn't sound a bit like the phosphor coming
thru the screen...
-- 
Jason Coughlin ( jakec@ralvmm.vnet.ibm.com )
Queer Without A Cause!
"I find myself suddenly in the world, and I recognize that I have one
right alone: that of demanding human behavior of the other." -- Fanon
Newsgroups: soc.motss