HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: operjfw@NeXTwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu (Waldby)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: reach out and grab it
Date: 17 Dec 1992 03:17:21 GMT
Organization: Computer Science Department at Rose-Hulman
Reply-To: operjfw@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: o233-12.nextwork.rose-hulman.edu

Perhaps if they were aware that bizarre is not a tangible
substance, many of the chicks would fly away.

I'm afraid bizarre is a non-trivial thing. One cannot
just reach out and grab it.

No one can hold it for very long for it changes in essence
as soon as someone does get it.
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Will I go to hell just for thinking this?
Date: 14 Dec 1992 22:57:32 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: alfalfa.intel.com

In article <MJD.92Dec14024312@saul.cis.upenn.edu> mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Mr. Wow") writes:
>Mm, our favorite is always ``Troll the ancient yule-tide carol.''
>``Hi!  My name is Troll, and I'm an ancient yule-tide carol!''

Who's Carol, and howcum she doesn't work Armistice Day?

				--Blair
				  "Badum-bum."
From: andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Short shameful confession
Date: 14 Dec 92 14:15:53 GMT
Organization: Spider Systems Limited, Edinburgh, UK.


Whenever I go to the dentist and sit in one of those HUGE chairs, I have
an unnatural urge to spin around and say "All ahead Warp factor 8"  

		 Andy
-- 
    |      Andy  Cannon      | From a Vision of Reality,        |
    | Misplaced Yorkshireman | Comes my Nemesis of Faith.       |
    |   Spider Systems Ltd   | But is Everything so Different ? |
    |  andrewc@spider.co.uk  | And Still the Moon......         |
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: wjm@feenix.metronet.com (Bill Middleton)
Subject: hey.  have you people improved the quality of your posts yet? 
Organization: Texas Metronet Communications Services, Dallas TX
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 11:35:02 GMT
Reply-To: wjm@decster.uta.edu


got me a brand new killfile...
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Electricity I
Date: 17 Dec 1992 01:04:44 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: stealth.intel.com

In article <1992Dec15.201124.22716@ncar.ucar.edu> ilana@kiowa.scd.ucar.edu (Ilana) writes:
>need a high priest to intercede for me;  let me commune with the God
>of Electricity, sparks flying from my fingertips, and I will be content!

Um, on second thought, I *won't* need a hand-job, thank you.

				--Blair
				  "Oh, joy.  'Home Improvement' is on
				   tonight.  Now I'm going to go into
				   the garage and oil my table-saw."
From: cj@eno.esd.sgi.com (C.J. Silverio)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: One of my lamer moments to date
Date: 17 Dec 92 02:16:08 GMT
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.  Mountain View, CA


In article <1992Dec17.010304.28277@wdl.loral.com>, bard@cutter.ssd.loral.com writes:
|No.  I haven't done any Christmas shopping since.  I don't have the
|stomach for it.  Someone help me.  Please.  I feel so lame.

Don't fucking Christmas shop.  Leave the society that
produces people like that.  Do what I'm going to do--
opt out.  This is a useless reply, but I can't think of
any better solution.

---
c j silverio
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: bur@ultisol.gsfc.nasa.gov (MAC)
Subject: Re: cathy's response to sioux's dildo: Oh yes! Oh yes! I like it!!!
Organization: NASA/GSFC code 923
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 23:13:57 GMT

In article <ben.724440792@ipoint> thoth@uiuc.edu (Ben Cox) writes:
>> Starcap n Ra
>
>Is this "Starcap AND Ra" or "Starcap THEN Ra"?
>
>--
>Ben Cox
>thoth@uiuc.edu

Starcap AND Ra.  Ra is the smaller one.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aaron@atlantis.uucp
Subject: Re: TIME HAS INERTIA - BASS JEALOUS AND INSECURE-ABIAN VALIDATED
Reply-To: aaron%atlantis@kakwa.ucs.ualberta.ca
Organization: Atlantis Communications, Edmonton, AB, Canada
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL7]
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 15:06:14 GMT

Edwin Barkdoll (barkdoll@cattell.psych.upenn.edu) wrote:
: Please take this out of sci.bio!
: 
: Edwin Barkdoll
: barkdoll@cattell.psych.upenn.edu
: eb3@world.std.com

You know, "barkdoll" is just one of those names that makes you wonder just
>what< the guy's ancestors were known for doing.

"Okay, go down on all fours and bark like a dog."

-- 
---Alfvaen(Still looking for "October's Baby")
"I never gave it a thought, I never thought I should think                       I would go along with anyone and anything"  --Rupert Hine
Current Album--Johnny Clegg & Savuka:Shadow Man
Current Read--Michael Coney:Charisma
From: gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Hugh Neek)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Date: 18 Dec 92 03:45:03 GMT
Organization: Most Mystic Margaret, Magnificent Mistress of Manipulation
X-Mailer: mail-news 2.0.3

(   Not that the movie was bizarre, but if you
 )  take the time to read the closing credits you will notice that
(   Girmar (the small martian girl) is in reality none other than
 )  Pia Zadora.

Why is a certain starlet's name written on walls above urinals?  Because...
___
Oh, never mind.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: boutell@isis.cshl.org (Tom Boutell)
Subject: Re: yeah sure.
Organization: Cold Spring Harbor Labs
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 16:02:23 GMT

In article <1992Dec13.073653.9777@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy) writes:
>
>not really even know the hosts and fuck fuck fuck never mind what the hell
>do you care anyway. bye.
>			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
>			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1

I may be participating in the Colorado boycott, but I just don't have
the heart to killfile this guy.

-T

"Boycotts are about sacrifice"

-- 
Tom Boutell, boutell@cshl.org

Clausthaler is the best non - alcoholic beer in the known universe.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,soc.culture.arabic
From: schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: ARABS AND CAMEL
Organization: University of Central Florida
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 15:11:34 GMT

carasso@Turing.ORG (Roger Carasso) writes:

>FOUND IN TIME MAGAZINE FROM 1962:

>  Shakhbut once owned a Cadillac, 

He went a cruisin' down the ville, too.

mark
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy)
Subject: rictus hep meets his maker...
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,misc.test,rec.pets,misc.jobs.offered,misc.jobs
Summary:  every day i poke out my eyes so new ones can grow in easier
Keywords: fun,oh yeah
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 92 04:47:20 GMT

and proceeds to point out all of the flaws in his design and construction. 


--
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: lighter than air
Date: 15 Dec 1992 15:13:07 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov

In article <TOMF.92Dec13222041@ai.gte.com> tomf@gte.com writes:
>
>I'm sitting at home wearing a muted earthtone shirt over a virgin white
>turtleneck, and FoxFibre drawstring pants.  I have Birkenstocks on my feet and
>a "Friends of the Animals" pewter pendant around my neck.  On the wall next to
>my computer is a nice Santa Fe print and a "People Empowerment" wall hanging
>made by a co-op of unexploited Bolivian women.  I'm cuddled up with an alpaca
>comforter reading HealingArts Journal and listening to George Winston's
>_December_ album.

I'm wearing a jacket made of dead animal skins, inserting vacuum tubes made
by slave labor in a Chinese prison camp into a radio transmitter formerly used 
for the promotion of government propaganda.
--scott
From: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: DATE CALCS (mon - sun)
Date: 20 Dec 1992 20:46:57 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc10.ins.cwru.edu



####################################################################
   mmddyy                         .   backwards
             4                    .             
   122192 = 2 x 7 x 1091          .   291221 = 7 x 41603 
             2   2                .             3 
   122292 = 2 x 3 x 43 x 79       .   292221 = 3 x 79 x 137 
             3                    .            
   122392 = 2 x 15299             .   293221 = PRIME !!
             2                    .            
   122492 = 2 x 113 x 271         .   294221 = 31 x 9491 
             5                    .            
   122592 = 2 x 3 x 1277          .   295221 = 3 x 98407 
             2                    .              
   122692 = 2 x 37 x 829          .   296221 = PRIME !!
             3                    .             
   122792 = 2 x 15349             .   297221 = 29 x 37 x 277 
####################################################################
-- 
=======================
"Endeavor to persevere"
=======================
From: kontos@clipper.ingr.com (Thorne Kontos)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short avionic confession
Summary: And you thought I wasn't paying attention...
Date: 16 Dec 92 18:12:45 GMT
Organization: Intergraph Advanced Processor Division - Palo Alto, CA

> Probably caught crabs, and there's one sitting on your shoulder.
> Or a lobster.
       ^^^^^^^
Quoted directly from the lobster tome of the shell:

        "Lobsters seldom reside in the genitalia of humans.
         Nor do we prefer to ride precariously balanced on
         a human's shoulder. We prefer the cooler depths of
         the offshore waters of Maine, where life sustaining
         nutrients abound."
                                           The "vigilant" Lobster
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Have you ever wondered Why Gooley is Still a Virgin?
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 13:34:51 GMT

> gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) writes:
>If they have any foil-wrapped chocolate Santas there, take a kitchen knife,
>put the Santa on its back on a kitchen counter or table, and hold the
>knife in a position for cutting the Santa lengthwise, feet to head. Speak
>for it, saying, "Do you expect me to talk?" and then reply, "No, Mr. Claus,
>I expect you to die!"  Then slowly cut it in half lengthwise, laughing
>diabolically.
>Everyone else at the party will completely ignore you and you will grin
>sheepishly.


this should answer your question.

r
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Rictus Hep on Sexual Preferences
Date: 17 Dec 1992 17:54:28 GMT
Organization: UC Berkeley CS Dept.
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: cobra.cs.berkeley.edu

"Sodomy makes the heart grow fonder."

c
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: boutell@isis.cshl.org (Tom Boutell)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.prose
Subject: Pistol-Whipped
Date: 12 Dec 92 01:19:03 GMT
Organization: Cold Spring Harbor Labs

By the dawn: it beats you about the head and shoulders with cold
gunmetal, all the more effective for the implied threat. You
crunch upward from the futon and throw open the door, making
your way through the hallway to the alarm clock, which is also your
phone, which is also your radio, which is the reason why it's
not in your bedroom, because there's no jack there, because you don't 
really admit you live here.

You tuck and bend and tear through a morning trilogy of exercises,
punishing yourself, building yourself for the punishment to
come. 

And the phone rings, and it's the man from Radio 91.3 All
Lite All The Time, and he's telling you how his name is
Dave and it's Thursday and you're on the air and you've WON
something, and you prepare to say, as you always do when you
get this kind of call, "I'm not interested fuck you it's
7:15 in the morning good bye <click>," when for once you
somehow remember in time that this will only result in your
being edited out of the delay loop, and you wise up and
say "really? .... what have I.... could you repeat... I'm-
sorry.... I've won what?.... You want my address?.... Just
a minute... just a minute.... just a minute.... what was I
looking for... my glasses... where are my glasses... I've
won something?" and you turn on the radio at maximum volume
and the DJ, who has been lulled into quiscence by your
rambling, is too late to stop the sudden screech of feedback,
and you say "I've WON something I've WON something I'm
so EXCITED I've WON something it's so FUCKING WONDERFUL!"
and the DJ, who tore the headphones off his head when the
feedback began, hears you much too late to stop it from going
over the air, and you hang up the phone, and what do you 
know, for once, you feel like you really have WON something.

-T

-- 
Tom Boutell, boutell@cshl.org

Clausthaler is the best non - alcoholic beer in the known universe.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cj@eno.esd.sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Subject: I'm losing it.
Reply-To: cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Organization: SGI TechPubs
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 92 23:08:38 GMT

---
I posted a lovely vitriolic article here instead of
in sgi.bad-attitude.  Oops.  

I actually started making those fucking edits.

I would like to quit my job today, but realized that I want
to finish my current (ultimate) project first.

Then I realized that that's not really why I won't quit my
job today.  I won't quit my job today because I am a wage
slave with an unemployed boyfriend.

----
c j silverio
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Subject: short, shameful confession
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 03:20:32 GMT

I have absolutely no empathy with anyone at all.

Mark., recently informed of this by an expert
gooley@netcom.com
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius)
Subject: If Public Enemy were white
Organization: University of Central Florida
Distribution: talk
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 15:25:07 GMT

"411 is a Joke"

mark
From: mlsa@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (MICHAEL LAUREN SHERMAN)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Just a.....
Date: 11 Dec 92 15:49:58 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

This is a test of the emergency networking system, this is only a test
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenmnnnnnnnnnnnnn
nnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg if this had been an actual emergency
the nonsensical noise you just heard would have sounded more like AAAAAAAAAAA
AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG or HEEEEELLLLPPP.
IT would have then been followed by the sounds of us dying or fleeing the
fucking area without telling you fools what is going on.  I mean do you really
expect us to care enough to save your life while risking ours, please, cut
your kneejerk save the world bullshit.  If a poison gas cloud were released in
the city, I'd leave the city and I wouldn't waste my time saving your sorry
ass.  The networkers of your area in coorporation with the FCC have created
the emegency networking system to just annoy the shit out of you, remember if
you hear the tone, change the channel, you'll be safe, don't worry.  But if
you see the people who work at the emergency networking system leaving, follow
them and run away.

-- 
my name is mike and i'm a .sig-a-holic, i have been virtually .sig free for
five days now, my life is so much clearer, i pledge to do my best to never
have a long .sig again.  i don't need one because i'm good enough, i'm smart
enough and god darnit, people like me.  ob info: mlsa@lehigh.edu, mike
sherman phone# 758-0207 disclaimer, we don't neeeed no steeenking disclaimer.
From: joshua@coombs.anu.edu.au (Joshua Geller)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: March of the Newbies
Date: 16 Dec 92 00:03:28 GMT
Organization: Australian National University
NNTP-Posting-Host: 150.203.76.2

ssamaras@scott.skidmore.edu (susan samarasinghe) writes:

>			is a horse considered livestock?

until you cut it's throat at the moment of orgasm it is.

josh
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Last week's lunch
Date: 17 Dec 1992 23:44:24 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: stealth.intel.com

In article <9212171637.AA14130@pioneer.uspto.gov> plord@pioneer.uspto.gov (Paul Lord) writes:
>I arrived at Old Ebbitt's Grill approximately on time.  Dominus apparently
>invoked me by walking from the bar to the front window, thus predetermining
>my arrival at that moment; this method failed, however, for Yong-Mi,
>possibly because her much larger geographical background made it more
>difficult to derive a fixed locus and summarily influence it.  

WAaaaaait a second.

I thought the Old Ebbit was torn down when they
renovated that corner.

				--Blair
				  "Um, 14th and F...maybe..."
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rdc30@nmrdc1.nmrdc.nnmc.navy.mil (LCDR Michael E. Dobson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Bad News
Date: 19 Dec 92 01:53:58 GMT
Organization: Naval Medical Research & Development Command

In article <1gqtf5INN9vs@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) writes:
>
>I want to be GOY-HOTHOTS.
>
>The God of lapsed Catholics who seduce fair Jewish maidens and then feed
>them bacon and eggs for breakfast.

See?  You can find your own babes to help test those musical condoms!  Now
if I can just get them to fund the study.

Mike "How does that yiddish song go now?" Dobson
From: sho@bohr.physics.purdue.edu (Sho Kuwamoto)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: less than perfect
Date: 19 Dec 92 00:18:21 GMT
Organization: Purdue University Physics Department

jjh4@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (JANE HORVATH) writes:
>cindy crawford is not perfect.
>she's got big, ugly feet.

From interviews, it also appears that Ms. Crawford has a
"brain the size of a dried pea," to quote a favorite movie
of mine.

-Sho
--
sho@physics.purdue.edu

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rvacca@vyasa.helios.nd.edu (robert vacca)
Subject: What everyone should want for Christmas
Organization: Yardsticks for Lunatics
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 1992 08:56:48 GMT

     I don't know if it's available in the stores yet, but I've
just seen (on the desk of a theology professor here at ND) a copy
of the new, revised Catholic catechism.  If you can find one, I
recommend you snarf it up post-haste.  It's got all the NEW sins,
for those of you who were running out of the old ones.
     There are a few problems with this new edition.  First off,
the original document was in French, and the translators are
clearly pitching the English copies at an audience consisting
primarily of theologians, rather that professionals in the field.
The prose style is a little tedious at times.  Hopefully, the
commercial versions will get this straightened out.  Also, there
are a few features that I'd like that they haven't included.  Not
only is there no checklist, but it lacks such basic amenities as
an index.  Organization is topical, with no crosslisting, and it
is again clear that theologians organized it, and again the lack
of professional input is noticeable.  In particular, confusion
between biological and economic sins lessened the utility of this
potentially invaluable document.
     Since the copy I saw was in manuscript form, I cannot comment
on any of the physical features of the book- binding, cover, and
the like.  Also, I have no information on illustrations.
     Still, this document is a grand improvement over the centuries-
old, and badly dated, reference work it replaces.  I recommend the
new Catechism without reservations, as a great Christmas gift, or to
keep yourself.  Paired with the Bible, it's to sin what _The Hacker's
Dictionary_ is to computers.  

     Price unknown at time of review.

---
David Vacca, Just an Excitable Boy.

          [Replies, if any, to "lvacca@saintmarys.edu"]
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Angel of Wax")
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: What is wrong with Psychiatry
Date: 15 Dec 92 16:02:08 GMT
Organization: Eaters of Wisdom


    A man has had a bad stutter since he was a little boy.  

    Sigmund Freud analyzes the man and determines that the man stutters
because he was maltreated by his father and harbors repressed agression
toward him.

    Then B.F. Skinner opens the man's head and finds a tiny blood clot
on the surface of the left hempisphere, at the speech center.  He
removes the clot, closes the man's head, and the stutter is gone.

    
--
                     'Bah!' said Scrooge, 'Humbug!'
 Mark-Jason Dominus 	  			    mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu
From: sho@bohr.physics.purdue.edu (Sho Kuwamoto)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: asdf
Date: 18 Dec 92 18:37:12 GMT
Organization: Purdue University Physics Department

Marty?  The first time I met her, I was walking down the
side of the road, trying to find the nearest gas station.
She was stooped over a puddle, whispering, "I love you.  I
love you honey."

"My car," I said to her.  "It ran out of gas."

She pointed me in the direction I was already walking in,
and told me it was only a mile or so.  As I walked onward, I
could hear her starting up again.  "I love you, sweetie.
Yes I do..."

The gas station, as it turns out, was closed.

***

On the walk back to my car, I ran into Marty again.  I
actually introduced myself this time, and we talked for a
while, standing there, in the drizzle.  As we talked, she
said something that surprised me, and I said something that
surprised her even more.  When we were done, she agreed to
drive me to the Amoco, which was five miles off.  Oh...
before I forget to tell you, here's the thing she said that
surprised me.  I found out that the thing Marty had been
talking to was a pet lizard she'd let free.

***

And the thing I told her that surprised her was this: my
brother coommitted suicide when I was sixteen, after telling
our parents that he was gay.  My fater felt so strongly
about his son being gay that he didn't even go to the
funeral.  I still blame my father, and haven't talked to him
in over ten years.

***

It was time for me to go back to my car and drive off,
but...  I don't know.  Maybe we were under the control of
orbiting mind lasers.

We bought some cheap liquor (I think it was supposed to be
wine) at the gas station and drank it, together, in a motel
room.  We watched an old movie on the pay-by-the-minute
television.  It was strange.  It was strange spending an
evening like that with someone you don't know.  When the
movie was over, we talked.  We just talked.

-Sho
--
sho@physics.purdue.edu