From: Dr.Pepper@f241.n103.z1.fidonet.org
Newsgroups: talk.origins
Subject: Talk.Origins Wrestling Federation
X-Sender: newtout 0.02 Nov 17 1992
Date: 15 Dec 92  18:04:00

 > From: tlode@nyx.cs.du.edu (trygve lode)
 > Message-ID: <1992Dec10.200039.4050@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>


  >a statement such as Day made at close quarters, he/you would in all
  >likelihood not be thrilled with what ensued.

 > ] Gracious me...what have we here?  Ted "The Berserker" Holden
 > ] of the WWF?

 > T.R., I do believe you're on to something big here--this could
 > be pretty
 > exciting, resolving t.o. disputes through the time-honored
 > tradition of
 > trial-by-combat, using our currently most honorable form of
 > physical
 > conflict resolution, the methods perfected by our own
 > professional
 > wrestlers.  No doubt the Tedster would be one of the most
 > popular stars
 > of the TOWF (Talk Origins Wrestling Federation) and would be
 > greeted by
 > the screams of his cheering fans in each of his no-holdens-
 > barred
 > matches.

 > Granted, I'm more of a powerlifter than a wrestler, but I'd be
 > willing
 > to don my horned helmet and some of my chainmail to come out in
 > defense
 > of the Norse Creation Theory (NCT).  Indeed, the mighty Ted
 > himself
 > would undoubtedly be eager to wrestle me for the title--if, say,
 > he
 > weighs in at half what I do and his maximum lift is half his
 > bodyweight,
 > then from the authoritative Ted scaling formula

 >       my lift = (Ted's lift + Ted's weight) *
 >                 [ (my weight)/(Ted's weight) ] ^ 0.677777
 >                  - my weight

 > I should be able to lift slightly less than 80% of what Ted can
 > and,
 > with his greater efficiency and strength, no doubt the odds will
 > be with
 > him, but I have hopes that, thanks to the greater rigor and
 > explanatory
 > prowess of NCT, I would eventually prevail.

 > No doubt the Talk.Origins.Tag.Teams will be at least as
 > exciting--there'll
 > be the Kalki Krushers, who will make heavy use of their favorite
 > tactic
 > of swapping wrestlers every time an opponent gets one in a hold
 > and
 > sending in the tapeworm when one of their number gets in the
 > wrong end
 > of a head-lock.  But they'll have some serious competion from
 > the
 > Tardigrades, who might not be large, but always come back no
 > matter what
 > you throw at them.

 > Alas, though, I fear that some of our most promising wrestlers
 > might not
 > get as good ratings--Battling Bob Bales will probably leave the
 > crowd
 > snoring with his approach of applying one very long and slow
 > hold and
 > then fleeing the ring for the remainder of the fiscal quarter;
 > Rancorous
 > Ray Cote risks getting on the crowd's bad side by forfeiting
 > each match
 > by jumping into the arena without warning, kicking a random
 > person in
 > the shins, and then running back out of the arena and telling
 > the post-
 > match reporters that he couldn't have responded to any of his
 > opponent's
 > countermoves because his opponent didn't like him.  At least
 > we'll be
 > able to rely on Lionel "Brickmeister" Tun's lively, if formulaic
 > footwork, interspersed with bold, dramatic, and completely
 > unexpected
 > wrestling holds applied to various pieces of furniture in the
 > arena.

I love it! Can i be the "Grand Inquisitor"? I'll nimbly dodge my opponent's
attacks, and then, while the referee Brett "The Hanging Judge" Vickers
conveniently looks away, i'll grab an illegal weapon, a faq supplied by
"Gentleman Jim" Merritt or "Crusher" Chris Colby and stun them. While they are 
still groggy i'll go to work with a pair of thumbscrews while demanding a
recitation of the theory of creationism. After my opponent, failing to answer, 
passes out from the pain, i'll declare them innocent, in the sight of God, of 
the charge of having a theory.

Then i'll retire to the audience, and watch Bill "Mister Hyde" devastate
another creationist with the penetrating power of his "ice core punch".

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