HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: anon-1374@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: hello, again & compartmentalization
Date: 7 Nov 92 17:46:33 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


ANON-name: lizard

Hi.  Probably nobody remembers me, but I don't want to repost about
everything - details about abuse etc.  (I last posted here last
February, I think.)  Back then, I was thinking a lot about telling my
SO (ten years) about my abuse (incest which occurred repeatedly
over many years), and was asking around to see if anyone had good or
bad experiences with this or could tell me why it might be of any use
to me to tell him.  (I'm hetero and female, later-twenties.)  I
eventually resolved to tell him, set up special times that I would be
comfortable doing this, etc.  etc., but never succeeded.  (I have told
a couple of close friends though.)  I have come to believe on the
basis of this and other things that the kind of relationship I am in
is dependent upon my compartmentalization - a feature of my
psychological makeup I think was founded upon my having to deal with
abuse (from as early as I can remember to when I was about twelve).
What I mean is that I am capable of being incompatible subpeople (not
in the same exact sense of having multiple personalities) who do and
feel everything and as strongly as a single person but share a single
mind.  I feel I (therefore) have the capacity for great evil: I can do
something and then without forgetting it really be a completely
imcompatible way.  (And of course whenever I see this in myself I
become confused and hate myself.)

This is getting longer than I wanted.  I want to exchange thoughts and
feelings about this.  I wonder if any one else wants to share thoughts
about their own compartmentalization.  I'm exploring this now, and
would very much appreciate talking about this.

Peace
from lizard - all of the lizards



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Subject: Re: My dad wrote
Reply-To: rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov
Organization: Unisys/EPA
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 17:21:42 GMT


In article <Bx9Ksz.6AI@twwells.com>, anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain) writes:
>Today I received a letter from my dad.  I was surprised that I got a letter

> [revelations about dad's relationship with mother deleted for brevity]

>Two questions for you ASAR readers:

>1. Do you think my dad should get a divorce from my mother?

Well, .... I generally try to avoid giving advice of that sort....I believe that 
noone other than they can decide that issue.  It sounds like you wish they
would do it.  I'm wondering what that would do for you?  What is it that
their continued struggle brings up for your?

>2. Have any of you read the book 'Contagious Emotions' (by Ronald Podell,
>MD)?  My dad mentioned it in the letter.

I haven't read it.   I am curious about it -- I certainly know about my own experience
with taking on the feelings of parents, teachers and other adults in my childhood.
I grew up with boundaries that worked like this:

Wall or nothing!  

;-)

--
Bob Boyd                 
rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov 
Unisys/EPA
From: anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Letter to mother
Date: 6 Nov 92 20:57:29 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes




06-Nov-92 05:19	anon-1366@twwells.com	Letter to mother


>Hello, everyone.  Stay tuned for my letter to mother coming very
>soon.  I think it is something we all should do.


	Hi everyone. Hope this doesn't come out wrong or seem like I'm posting
to hear myself speak. But as one who is writing/has written to my mother, and
also as one who's read _Courage to Heal_, I can't say all of us should write.
It's not easy, and not everyone has to do the confrontation thing to heal. I
think it's a great way to work on it, but only if it feels right to you.

	1366, good for you for doing what's right for you! Hope to read your
letter soon. Good luck and all the hugs you can handle. It's an experience.

						Anika
p.s. BTW, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that writing the letter is
therapeutic in and of itself - even if it's never sent, even if the perp is
dead... 



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From: anon-1362@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: test post
Date: 11 Nov 92 05:13:47 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

sorry for this inconvenice....just testing if I can reach this mailgroup.



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: GROUP THERAPY
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 02:22:55 GMT

Nancy Lebovitz (nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu) wrote:

: In article <BxDsAL.5x6@twwells.com> anon-1366@twwells.com writes:

: >see HIM every damn week.  It's not that he reminds me of anyone.  The problem
: >is that he's a man....and I HATE men....not all men...just those in a 
: >position higher than mine.  Any guys out that that hate their own kind?  Wierd
: >isn't it?  ADVICE NEEDED:  Should I quit going to group therapy because I
: >cannot stand the shrink but I like most of the people there?????
: 
: Detesting people just for being in authority is a pretty common human
: trait. It may be more common among men. It certainly makes sense for
: someone who grew up with abusive authorities.

Not only for that reason.  I dislike most men for being shallow and callous and
unfeeling and selfish.  Lately I have known a number of women that way, though,
so I guess I can't just say that I dislike men.  I dislike women, too.  Well,
not *all* of them - just the users and abusers.  It just seems that there are
more users and abusers among the male population than among the female
population.  Yes, I know that's a sexist statement - but there it is.
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

"There is nothing to seek and nothing to find.  You're already enlightened, and
all the words in the world won't give you what you already have.  The wise
From: anon-1372@twwells.com (Sierra)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: An Ode  /* Possible MAJOR SPOILER!!! */
Date: 9 Nov 92 20:15:38 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


   From: anon-1325@twwells.com (Solace)

   Warning, the following "tribute" is not easy to read...
   




		    An Ode To My Collective Abuser
		(and Abusers Everywhere and Everywhen)

Wow - that is a really powerful poem.  Thank you for posting it.

--Sierra
(struggling hard but still here)



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From: kara@BORN.phys.virginia.edu (Kara Jayne Keeter)
Subject: Re: hello from kk
Reply-To: kara@BORN.phys.virginia.edu (Kara Jayne Keeter)
Organization: Dept. of Physics, University of Virginia
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 23:20:59 GMT

In article <krikket.01nr@meltdown.chi.il.us>, krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick) writes:
>In article <00962BAB.3EDBE9C0@BORN.PHYS.VIRGINIA.EDU>,
>kara@BORN.phys.virginia.edu (Kara Jayne Keeter) writes:
>>Hi everyone... sorry I haven't written in a long time.  I was
>>travelling a lot for awhile, interviewing for jobs and stuff, and
>>under a lot of pressure.  For about a week now I've been trying
>>to get caught up in reading asar, I thought I should catch up 
>>before I posted anything... but it's taking too long to catch
>>up, and I need some sort of contact with y'all...
>
>Quite understandable...  We've all done that on occasion!

>>I really don't know what to do.  It is very hard
>>to write.  And I feel like I have no right to post, because I haven't
>>been offering any support to anyone else.
>
>WRONG!  People give support here when they can.  If people find they cannot due
>to circumstance, such as being away from the Net, or unable to because the
>words fail, or whatever other reason - THAT'S ALL RIGHT!  You can still get a
>lot of support from us here, and we're here for ya!  The reason I started
>reading ASAR wasn't to get support (but I have gotten TONS of it, THANK YOU
>ALL!) but to help those who I could, in hopes of making this a slightly better
>place.  And I know I'm not the only one out here who came to asar with that
>kind of attitude!


Thanks Krikket!!!  and many many thanks to everyone else who has
responded... it seems I am still having a hard time writing, and
several times I would've written but it would've come out rather
weird, either angry, or depressing, or upsetting... I didn't wanna 
upset anyone just to vent my emotions.

Maybe I will write anyway, prefaced by many warnings... (thanks to those
who have tolerated my "hate/venting/mail" when I've had the energy to
send it...)

sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm down... sometimes the future's so bright...
sometimes I feel like there's no place in this world...

anyway, what I really wanna say right now, is I will be moving soon,
and it will either be to Tallahasee, or Los Angeles, or Saskatoon!!!
I mention Sask cuz I just read a post from someone there, so, Hi!
I go to LA this weekend, y'all wish me luck...

hmm, I sure wish I'd posted this early enough so that I could've
asked if anyone out there will be in LA this weekend...

-kk
From: anon-1264@twwells.com (KillDoll)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Reformatting
Date: 9 Nov 92 07:38:32 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


In alt.sexual.abuse.recovery you write:
>As I was installing a new hard drive in my computer yesterday I considered
>as I performed a low-level format, how wonderful it would be to be able
>to reformat my brain, reinstall the system software from the originals
>and wipe away all signs of the "virus" that has plagued my mind for my
>whole life.

With bio-engineers re-designing replacemnt organs, and training bacteria to
maintain our internal integrity, I wonder what the future will do for our minds.

There *will* be something to permanently remove the anguish and inhibitions
that living has scarred onto us.  Alcohol can do this temporarily now, maybe
a positive, non-drug reformatting will do this in the future.  When we're young
we (boys) used to get aroused at the drop of a hat.  Now the sight of a naked
woman does nothing, when before the mere thought of being with one would be more
enough.  But when I get drunk ... things happen easier.  Definitely, the
future will hold some sort of mental re-formatting.  We just have to figure
out what memoris alcohol turns down, then grow an organism to remove them
permanetly.

The World always gets better.

KillDoll


P.S.  Treat yourself to some chocolate today.  You deserve it.



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: my theory about why some people are irritated at Ed
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 08:50:11 GMT

Enigma (enigma@netcom.com) wrote:

: I've been thinking a lot about this situation where periodically
: a lot of people get really annoyed at Ed, and then a bunch of other
: people leap to his defense, and nothing ever gets resolved.  Anyway,
: something occurred to me, and I'd like some feedback...

...and as I'm up late this evening, and likely to up for a while, I'll
take a crack at it. :)

: Is it just my imagination, or are most of the people who are annoyed
: at Ed female?  And most of the people who defend him are male?  I was

That has struck me on more than one occasion - in fact, I think I mentioned
it to Anika in a private email.

: leafing through a book at one of the local bookstores (I wish now that
: I'd bought it), and the premise of this book is that men and women
: have completely different styles of communication in our culture.

Um, true. (another flat-footed assertion) :)

: The basic idea is that men tend to make these flat-footed assertions,
: expressing their opinion as though it were fact.  This seems normal to
: other men, but seems incredibly arrogant and rude to women.  And women
: tend to phrase things with lots of "I think...", "It seems to me...",
: "Don't you agree...".  If men notice this at all (which mostly they
: don't), they think it's just silly.

And men think that women are being wishy-washy and indecisive and "gee, I
just wish she'd tell me, straight out, what she wants!"  Men see the
"flat-footed assertions" as wise and assertive behavior.

: This book was generalizing like crazy, of course, but it seems to me
: to be a possible explanation for what we have going on here.  I wrote
: Ed about Theresa's post, and he sent me a very nice, friendly reply
: that showed he didn't have the slightest idea what I was talking about
: (Sorry, Ed).  I mean, I'm sitting here scratching my head and going
: "Huh?".

Well, I must admit, I *was* clueless...

: And none of the other guys seem to get it, either.  It's not the
: content of what Ed says, guys, it's the *tone*.  
: 
: What do you all think?  Could this be the problem?

Quite possibly.  I have talked to men friends, both on and off asar about
this recurrent theme, and all the guys scratch their heads and are puzzled
at the flames.  I've spoken to one or two women about it, but what they
say comes out sounding like psycho-babble - I can't understand all of it.
I mean, not to be offensive, and I know that they are making perfect sense to
themselves, and probably to other women, but it's Greek to me.

And, you know something?  I haven't had very many problems communicating with
people, at least not before two years ago or so.  Now I seem to be unable to
communicate clearly.  I'm puzzled...
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

"There is nothing to seek and nothing to find.  You're already enlightened, and
all the words in the world won't give you what you already have.  The wise
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner)
Subject: You might want to read ...
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 20:01:12 GMT
Reply-To: dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
Organization: HP California Design Center, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1.4 PL6]


Erik Oliver's post.  He forgot a critical word in the subject, but the
post is not about him abusing someone.  I think the subject should be
"Abused by my SO".

Doug Sojourner

dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
anon-1158@twwells.com
anonymus+444@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: faype@bcvms.bc.edu
Subject: Re: More on a breach of confidentiality 
Organization: Boston College
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 13:46:31 GMT

In article <Bx899F.CI@twwells.com>, anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain) writes:
> In dealing with my abuse, I wrote my brother a letter rather than confronting
> him face to face.  As he ignored my letter completely, I'm not certain
> exactly what a response of denial is like.  

That's denial from him if I ever heard it.

> Maybe some of you out there
> reading ASAR could answer this for me: Do you think what's happened here so
> far is a denial that my confidentiality was actually violated?

Clear as the noon day sun.  I would suggest documenting day,time, who you
talked to, and what was said.  If the Dean had fessed up and straightened
out the situation, then there would be hope.  However, she is clearly
denying and covering up.

The violation of confidentiality was actually your COUNSELOR, not the Dean.
The counselor is forbidden to release info without your consent, and he/she
violated this.  The Dean, on the other hand, is remiss in not
(1) investigating the problem, (2) covering up her employee's (counselor's)
violation, and (3) failure to discipline or fire her employee for a clear
violation of ethics (and possibly law).

I would remind you again that you could consider consulting a lawyer, as
there is pretty clearly some legal action you could take (civil suit, and
suing for damages - need some $$$ to pay tuition?).  On the other hand, 
you could also just walk away from it and find another counselor outside
the school, if you are not ready to deal with the stress involved in
taking any action.  (The problem of course for people like us is feeling
violated when we take no action to put responsibility on the abuser.)

Good luck no matter what you choose to do.

-pete
From: stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: teachers and scool
Date: 6 Nov 92 19:04:10 GMT
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group

Boy you hit a BIG sore spot for me !!!!  
The following is just my opinion & I'll keep it brief.

I think that there is a big problem with the way public schools are
organized and that because of it the deck is stacked against the children.
Basically you have two groups struggling for power who are in large part
unconcerned for the children.
On the one hand you have the teachers union leadership, and on the other side
you have the school board and upper level school administration.
All of the power and control in public schools is centered in these two bodies
who are diametrically opposed to each other.

So the teachers in the classrooms and the principals in the schools have very
little support in trying to improve things.

It is so frustrating to me cause I am convinced that we need to discover what 
makes the difference between a child victim of sexual abuse becoming a survivor,
and them becoming a life-long victim.  And I think that the schools can be an
important souce of support for children.  One place where they can find love and
understanding from a caring adult.

But we've got to somehow change the system so that there isn't this polarity of
power sources fighting against each other!!  I just don't know how?

--
Fare Well

Mike Stoughton
stote@den.mmc.com
From: anon-1318@twwells.com (Free Amazon)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: re:please read I need help
Date: 11 Nov 92 05:14:59 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

You most certainly do. 
I might suggest your local Mental Health professionals.
Soon.

I feel that this kind of post is inappropriate and 
most certainly not amusing.

Free Amazon



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From: anon-1229@twwells.com (Little boy)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Religion
Date: 11 Nov 92 15:04:33 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Just a test... sorry



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: bob@reed.edu (Robert Ankeney)
Subject: Update from Robert
Organization: Reed College, Portland, OR
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 00:00:54 GMT

     Just thought I'd post a short update on where I am.  Things are going
pretty well since I got back into therapy and discontinued medication.  I
was taking imipramine, but I seem to be doing okay without it.  I did a
crash-and-burn the first week which I attribute to not tapering off due to
a misunderstanding.  Oh, well...
     Things have been pretty up and down, with more new memories on a pretty
regular basis.  And I've been busy working a *lot* on my anger.  One thing
my therapist has had me do is write angry letters to my various abusers,
read them to her, then tear them up and burn them piece by piece while
talking about it.  This has *really* helped!
     My therapist believes that I can leave my old baggage behind and move
forward without dwelling on my past and keeping anchored to it.  I was
somewhat dubious at first, but really believe this to be true now.  Which
means things like watching for triggers that regress me back to the past.
And not digging in my past to remember.  That's proving a hard habit to
break.  Part of it for me is it's hard to let go of my pain.  It's one
thing that I can say is mine and no one can take it from me.  Letting go
of it forever is a loss too.
     So I'm working on looking at doing the things I've always wanted to
do but never allowed myself.  Learning to play piano has been the first
step.  And that is going well for the most part.  I have times when I
think I am sabotaging myself, but I seem to get back to it.  I want to
stay with it, and that desire keeps me with it.  I'm also looking at
taking a beginning drawing class, as I've always wanted to be able to
draw.  I'm looking at a few possible places to go for that.
     Last Tuesday was my birthday, and I had a nice one at that.  It
was also election day, and I saw some important things happen that I
had wanted to see.  One was the defeat of an anti-gay initiative.  The
group behind the effort reminds me a lot of my abusers.  And I'm
adamantly opposed to anyone taking rights away from others.  I've seen
too much hate already in my lifetime.
     I visited my brother over the weekend and that went well.  I got to
hold, feed and burp my nephew, and really enjoyed that.  I have hopes
that I can have more of a relationship with my brother than I ever dreamed
possible.  He's changed a lot from the brother I knew only a few years
ago.

     Anyway, I thought I'd post an update as somehow I've felt stalled
from writing much of anything here in a while.

     Take care all,
     Robert

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery