From: zaidioa@cs.rose-hulman.edu (Omar A. Zaidi)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: dealing with love and losing
Date: 11 Dec 1992 19:06:59 GMT
Organization: Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology
NNTP-Posting-Host: anneke.cs.rose-hulman.edu

In article <1992Dec5.200628.26636@muddcs.claremont.edu> pnelson@jarthur.claremont.edu (Peter Nelson) writes:
>
>My name is Peter. I'm a freshman in California.  I've been dating the same
>girl for almost eight months now.  We've been apart for the last three.  She
>is a senior in high school in Minnesota, and I don't have the money to fly
>back and forth.  I love her madly, and I honestly don't think that there's
>anything I wouldn't do for her.  Suddenly that seems to have become a problem.
>She tells me I, "love her too much," and that she needs space.  Well, she got
>it.  Even though it's been the hardest thing I've had to do, I haven't talked
>with her for almost a week now, and I'm falling apart.
>
>This isn't my first longterm relationship, but it is easily the one which has
>been most important to me.  I'm giving her space because she asked for it, and
>I honestly do understand that she needs time to sort her feelings out.  I don't
>want to pressure or push her but at the same time I don't know how long I can
>last like this.  There is also another guy in her life.  She's not seeing him
>romanticly, but I think that she would like to be, and to explore a little
>more.  I've done my dating around, and to be honest the thought of her with
>another guy makes me sick, but if letting go is what I need to do to hold onto
>any sort of a relationship with her, I'll do it.
>
>The problem is that I know that right now I couldn't be just a 'friend'.  Our
>relationship had a strong friendship as a base, we wouldn't have made it this
>long if it hadn't, but my feelings for her are so strong that I don't think I
>could be around her right now, knowing that I couldn't have her and that she
>was looking elsewhere.  Maybe someday, but not right now.  I know this isn't
>makeing too much sense, I'm so confused right now, my emotions are shifting so
>rapidly.  Is it possible to love too much, to care, to give too much?  I need
>help, or at least a little friendly advice.  If there are women out there (or
>men who've been through something similar) I'd appreciate a little letter, 
>sharing your experiences or beliefs.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do,
>hold on to her and the pain while she looks around (I can't forever), or start
>moving on, assuming things aren't going to work out (I don't think I can let
>go if there's a chance of things working).  I'm feeling so lost, and I can't
>think straight.  Anyway, my address is:
>
>				pnelson@jarthur.claremont.edu
>
>I'd appreciate anything you have to say.
>
>				thanks


My advice would be to talk to her and ask her why she thinks you're
loving her too much. I had this problem once and I solved it by
talking to her and being as honest with myself as I could. It took a
while before I could let go of her (things didn't work out) and she
and I are still great friends. It can be resolved, but it may not come
all at once, so be patient. Finding other friends to talk to, so you
dont feel alone would also help I think.

good luck..
-- 
______________________________________________________________________________
Omar Zaidi                              |" Nothing we have ever done in the
zaidioa@cs.rose-hulman.edu              |  past will ever be good enough 
zaidioa@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu        |  again" 
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,alt.romance.chat