From: daniel@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Daniel Bowen)
Subject: TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES #129
Followup-To: rec.humor.d,aus.jokes.d
Summary: Junk Toxic Custard News
Reply-To: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu
Organization: Monash University, Melb., Australia.
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 02:39:17 GMT


         N                Starting MONDAY!!! We present the COMPLETELY FUCKING
      TOXIC               RIDICULOUS PRICES sale! Bargains to be had by whoever
         NUMBER           has the most elbow power! [Limited stocks only]
      FILES
          TWENTY          * shove your way to the Home Entertainment department
          A                 for televisions only $50 each!        [7 only!]
        WORKSHOP
        R D  U   B        * wrestle into the Whitegoods department for big
        I  JANUARY          fridges the sizes of houses with 60 compartments
        T    D              each now only $200!!!!                [5 only!]
        T FOURTH
     BOWEN N E            * bayonet your way past the crowds into Furniture and
        N  E DANIEL         be the only one in your street to have a $3000
              N             leather lounge suite for only $10!    [5 only!]
              D
                          * machine-gun everyone and you might have the chance
                            of grabbing full-scale working replica of the Space
                            Shuttle, at a never to be repeated price of only 50
                            cents!!                               [1 only!]

                          * shop your way into casualty! Break two legs and
                            get a third limb of your choice, free!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Oh wow man... I think I must have, like, died. That is, all my vibes
are like, being separated from my physical existence... I guess wearing       S
that bike helmet would have been a pretty groovy thing to do after all.       y
Whoa, spaced out, man.. this is quite a view... all sorts of colours          d
and rainbow effects... Whoever's on this gig must have a Quantel. I           n
never had a trip as groovy as this... Hey, my life just, like, flashed        e
before me... wow, all those memories... my first pair of flares... tie-       y
dying my shirts... tie-dying those socks... underwear... buying those         -
groovy crystal spiritual fulfilment beads, man, what a bargain at only
$15 each... getting my first Donovan album (I dunno why God gave Jason        t
Donovan the same name, man.. it's just not justice)... missing out on         h
getting any chicks at Woodstock 'cos I was too shy, and didn't wanna          e
sexually threaten them with chat-ups, and didn't know any chat-ups, and
was nine thousand miles away... Groovy... wide ties... hey, this is           o
just last month! ... long collars... corduroy jackets, oh yeah, I love        n
all that stuff... getting my first lecturing job at the arts faculty,         l
yeah... ah, what a life...                                                    y
                                                                      
GOOD MORNING.                                                                 c
                                                                              i
Oh, hi man! I was just, like, relating to my environment, you know?           t
                                                                              y
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
                                                                              w
Well, judging from, like, your sort of red colour scheme, those bad           h
karma horns and shit... you're... the devil?                                  e
                                                                              r
CORRECT. AND YOU, HIPPY, WILL SPEND ETERNAL DAMNATION AMONGST THE             e
NEVER ENDING FLAMES IN THE PITS OF HELL. WITH ALL THE OTHER HIPPIES.
                                                                              t
Yeah? Cool!                                                                   h
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -       e

MR POPSICLE RETURNS - Part 10                                                 s
                                                                              h
That's right, it was the part of the story that the readers (7 asylum         o
inmates, 3 bored computer scientists, a kid waiting for some mould to         p
grow, and an old sea captain with one leg living in a lighthouse who          p
had nothing better to do) had been awaiting for no less than eleven           e
weeks! The actual appearance of Mr Popsicle in a Popsicle adventure. (I       r
would have labelled it "a Popsicle story", but it didn't sound dynamic,       s
action-packed, and thrilling enough).
    Yes, Inspector Sideburn had given up on his meagre resources and          a
equally meagre brainpower finding the culprits to the big armoured car        r
robbery, and had called in the Australian Royal Security Establishment.       e
The ARSE was even now under threat from a Royal Commission, enquiring
as to whether it should have to change its name. Not in the interests         m
of decency and seriousness mind you; just as a little bureaucratic            o
exercise. All Australian government organisations are required by law         r
to change their names at least once every ten years, to keep the              e
alarmingly large Department of Namechangers operational. It is they at
the DoN that are responsible for designing and printing all the new           d
stationery, logos (logoes?), moving offices, and all that other               a
time-and-money wasting stuff that government departments do which             n
completely confuses anyone who wants to ring up to find out which form        g
they have to fill in for a heart transplant.                                  e
    Anyway, Mr Popsicle and Inspector Unnecessary-Violence of the             r
(currently) ARSE arrived at Dung Hill Police Station in a fairly              o
low-key way.                                                                  u
    Inspector Sideburn (who shall be known forthwith as Sideburn)             s
greeted them in the lobby of the station, and was surprised to see that
Inspector Unnecessary-Violence (who shall be known forthwith as The           t
Inspector, to save space in TCWF, and to prevent confusion between the        h
two Inspectors; jeez, couldn't one of them have been a sergeant, or a         a
superintendent?) was fairly drenched in blood, and appeared to have           n
someone's arm hanging out of his top pocket.
    "What happened to you? Riot?", asked Sideburn, quite reasonably           t
under the circumstances.                                                      h
    "Nah.. post-Christmas sales", replied the Inspector, trying               e
gallantly but unsuccessfully to push the arm down into the pocket.
    "What, crowd control?"                                                    N
    "Nah.. I wanted to get one of those cheap tellies. Some bitch of an       e
old lady got ahead of me on the escalator. Lucky I had my chainsaw with       w
me."
    They made their way to one of the many briefing rooms. Where they         Y
were briefed. The details of the briefing aren't brief enough to be           e
brought to you here, within the all too brief confines of this episode,       a
so a brief briefing of the briefing will occur in the *next* episode.         r
And make sure you're wearing your briefs.                                     '
                                                                              s
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This has been a not-brief-enough episode of that                              E
briefly funny but now just plain dull written                                 v
concept statement, the "Toxic Custard Workshop                                e
Files". Why not get yerself an e-mail subscrip-
tion???? Brief details can be obtained for a                                  r
brief time only from tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu                                      e
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~                        srellev
Copyright (c) 1992 Daniel Bowen.
--
Daniel Bowen, Monash University, Melbourne, Australia---------------|  ECONOMY
daniel@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au--------TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu | SIGNATURE

Nominations are now being taken for the Inaugural TOXIC CUSTARD INTERNATIONAL
BASTARD OF THE YEAR AWARD (1992). The award will be presented in Toxic Custard
in a few weeks, to the individual person who is voted by readers to have been
the worst insufferable git during 1992. This award has been posthumously made
to Adolf Hitler for the years 1938 to 1945 inclusive. To nominate an
individual for the 1992 award, just reply to this mail, or send your
nomination to tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu by Friday 15th of January.
From: gumby@hpopd.pwd.hp.com (Grim Reaper)
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 09:55:44 GMT
Subject: Re: Re: Don't Read Me. Only a test...
Organization: The Edge of Sanity