From: roelle@uars_mag.jhuapl.edu (Curtis Roelle)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: 3 CAMEL JOKES (was: priest & nun)
Summary: Repeated joke about camel, followed by 3 more...
Date: 17 Dec 92 19:37:33 GMT
Organization: Johns Hopkins University

W Darren Prouty <wp11+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:

>   A priest and a nun are lost in the desert and they've been riding
>their camel for days, without water in sight. Finally, after more
>seemingly endless days without water, the camel dies. 
>    Realizing that she is going to die, the nun says to the priest "You
>know father, I've been faithful to the church my whole life, but seeing
>as how I am going to die soon, there is one wish I'd like fufilled. I've
>never seen the male anatomy, and I'd like to see it at least once."
>    The priest, realizing that this is a honorable request, strips down naked.
>    The nun, pointing at his penis, asks "What's that, father?"
>    The priest says "Well, if I were to put that in you, it would make life."
>    So the nun says "Well put it in the damn camel and let's get the
>hell out of here."

CAMEL JOKE 1:

Two Arabs were riding a camel in the desert.  After four days they
came upon an oasis with a water hole.  They led the camel to water but
it refused to drink.  Aware that it was 8 days to the next oaisis they
knew it was imperative that the camel drink its fill.  One of them
said, reaching in his bag and pulling out a hollow pipe, "Tell you
what.  You hold his head down in the water.  I'll stick this pipe in
is ass and start sucking.  This will draw the water into the camel's
mouth forcing him to drink."  So in went the pipe and down went the
camel's head.

<ENDING "A"> The arab at the rear said, "Hey, don't hold his head down
 so low.  I'm starting to suck mud here."

<ENDING "B"> The camel still did not drink.  They decided to switch
 places and try again.  The arab that had been holding the camel's
 head went to the rear, pulled out the pipe, turned it around, and
 inserted it back into the camel's ass.  The other watched perplexed,
 and then asked why he had done that.  "You don't think I'm
 going to suck on the same end you sucked on, do you?"

CAMEL JOKE 2:

The French Legionnaire fort in the middle of the desert had a new
Commandant.  He took to his duties but after one week became rather
bored.  After all, he was around men 24 hours a day, and found himself
thinking more and more often of women.  Finally he called in his
Captain and asked him what the men did when they needed a woman.  The
Captain clicked his heels and said "They go to the corral and pick out
a camel, Sir!"  The Commandant smirked, "How digusting!  You men
should be ashamed of yourselves!"  The Commandant tried to forget he
ever heard this thing about his men -- after all, they were Frenchmen
and had their particular needs.

After a couple of weeks the Commandant found himself thinking about
women more than ever.  Two weeks later the problem was worse.  He
could not stand it any longer and gave the order, "Lieutenant, bring
me the the favorite female camel of the men from the corral."  The
Liutenant saluted and left.  Soon he returned with a camel and found
the commandant waiting with his pants down around his ankles.  The
camel knelt down obediently.

The Commandant had just shuffled around behind the camel, when
suddenly it stood up.  The commandant shouted to his Sergeant,
"Sergeant, bring me a stepladder."  "Yessir", he said and and returned
with one.  The Commandant climbed up the ladder, but before he could
have his way, the camel took a step forward.  He stepped back down the
ladder and ordered the Sergeant to move the ladder forward, which he
did.  He climbed up the ladder again, and once more the camel stepped
forward.  This happened several more times.

"Corporal!" shouted the commandant.  "Tell your men to hold on to the
camel and restrict its movement."  A squad of Privates entered the
Commandant's tent and held the camel firmly.  The Commondant ascended
the ladder and positioned himself accordingly.  "Ahhh, yesss...oooohhaah."    

Just then the captain walks in and seeing the Commandant standing on
the ladder behind the camel says, "Sir!  What is the meaning
of this?"  The Commondant replied, "You yourself said that the men
use camels instead of women."  The Captain shook his head and said, "No
Commandant.  What I meant was the men use the camels to ride into town.
There are women there."

CAMEL JOKE 3:

Two businessmen in town for a convention went to rent a car.  They
tried every rental agency in town, but because of the convention every
car in town had already been rented.  Finally at the last place one of
them said, "what are we going to do now?  We've been to every place in
town, but not a single car is available."  The agent said, "I think I
may be able to help."  Heartened, one of them asked how.

"Well you see," said the agent, "although we are out of cars we happen
to have a camel you can rent."  "Ha Ha Ha," they laughed, "you can't
be serious."  "Oh, but I am," said the agent.  "This is a special
camel -- he is trained to opererate in traffic.  You see, when he sees
that a traffic light is red he stops.  When it turns green again, he
proceeds."  Convinced, the men paid the agent and took off on their
camel.

About 15 minutes later they returned on foot.  The camel was nowhere
to be seen.  "What happened," asked the agent.  "Well," started one of
the men, "we were riding along just fine, but then we came to a
traffic light that was red, and the camel stopped."  "Then," said the
second man, "someone shouted out from their car, 'hey, look at the two
assholes on that camel over there'.  And so we got off to look for
ourselves."  "So, what went wrong?" asked the agent.  "Well, before 
we knew it the light turned green again."