From: Trevor German <tjgerman@53iss6.waterloo.NCR.COM>
Subject: ARMY JOKES
Organization: Imaging Systems Division, NCR Corp, Waterloo, Ont., CANADA
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 12:31:58 GMT


From Trevor German <tjgerman@53iss6.waterloo.NCR.COM>


	TWO ARMY JOKES
	==============

	date:1900

		A young officer is posted to india and meets with an
	elderly officer in the officers mess.

		'Hello Curuthers.' says the older officer. "Welcome
	to the mess. You will enjoy it here. On mondays we all get 
	together and have a game of polo.'

		'I'm sorry' says the young officer 'I don't like polo'

		'Oh. Well on wednesday night we all get together and 
	sing some good old songs from blighty.'

		'Sorry sir I don't like singing.'

		'Well on friday nights we all go out and get drunk
	in the local town.'

		' Sorry sir I dont drink.'

		'Well, on saturday nights we get some local girls  in
	and have a party.'

		'Sorry sir I don't like parties.'

		The elder officer looks sideways at the young officer
	and says 'You're not queer are you?'

		'Certainly not.' says the young officer.

		'Well you definately wont enjoy tuesday nights !'

	==============================================================

	dateline :- 1917

		A young soldier is sitting in a trench in France when
	he notices a german helmet lying on the ground a few feet in
	front of the trench. (You know one of those fance things with
	the spike on the top). Thinking this would be a good souvenir
	and that it is dark enough for him to nip out and grab it
	without getting his ass shot off he decides to go for it.

		He darts out and grabs the thing only to fall over as
	he tries to pick it up as it is stuck fast in the mud. Not
	giving up lightly he gets his fingers under both sides of the
	helmet and pulls with all his might.

		PLOP. the helmet rises up about a foot to reveal that
	it is firmly attached to a germans head. The soldier falls over
	in shock and looks at the head which is now coughing and spluttering
	as the burried german comes back to life.

		'Tsank you' splutters the german in rough english. 'I haz
	bin stuk here for qvite a vile. Pleze pool me up, bitter'

		The young soldier, does nothing for a bit completely
	shocked by the event. But on looking at the young germans face
	and realizing that this man is no different from himself, decides
	to do the christian thing and help him out. So he gets a hold of
	the mans head again and starts to pull. 

		He pulls and pulls and pulls but the german will not budge.
	'I'm sorry' he says, 'I can't move you.'

		'Pleze, pleze, don't give up' says the german, 'I have a
	wive unt a baby at home.'

		The young sapper takes pity again and tries with even
	more vigour.

	     ***(WRITERS NOTE :- THIS IS A GOOD VISUAL JOKE)***
	
		After a few minutes of struggling the sapper finally
	squats down on the ground and says. 'Look mate, I'm sorry
	but you are stuck fast.

		The german replies 'Vould it help if I take ze feet
	owt of ze styrups.'
	==================================================================

	soldier 
--
       >| "Only average people           | Trevor J German BSc    |<
       >|       never make mistakes."    | NCR, Waterloo, Ontario |<
       >|	               	         | Canada.                |< 

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