From: bobp@msi.com (Bob Pitha)
Subject: Re: Insulting you family?
Organization: Molecular Simulations, Inc.
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 20:53:08 GMT
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Michele Coleman (coleman@leland.Stanford.EDU) wrote:
: (various snippets deleted as offerings to the God of Net Bandwidth)
:     On the plane to Ohio, I got my airline vegetarian food, which was pretty
: underappetizing.  This engendered a conversation in which I revealed that,
: in fact, I eat minimal amounts of cheese, milk, and egg, as well as meat.
: My mother seemed taken aback by this notion, and said angrily, "Well, you
: can just make your own food then!"
:     So in fact I did cook a few meals for the family, without meat, which
: seemed to cause my father a certain amount of unhappiness, although never
: enough to make him prepare his own meal, although he participated in
: the lame, pre-meal "joking" ("You're making spaghetti?  Are you going to
: throw some sausage in?").  Anyway, we had spaghetti with vegetables.
: (...)
: "Rice and beans?  That's all?  Can I make some sausage to go along with
: it?", and later in person, "Rice and beans?  Just rice and beans? 
: That's it?  You're having just rice and beans?"  So I relented and made
: seasoned potatoes and fruit salad as well.
: (...)
:     In a separate incident, in a conversation outside of mealtime, my
: mother asked if I was looking forward to going back to California, and I
: mentioned that it would be nice to be somewhere where people respect the
: food I eat.  My mother said, "Well, you don't respect the food we eat."
: I was sort of dumbfounded, but on reflection I couldn't deny it:
: (...)
: --Michele Coleman

This sounds *sooo* familiar, though I don't think I had it as bad as you.
I still, after some 7 years, have to put up with that "lame" joking, as
you so aptly describe it.  I couldn't imagine how people could think that
it was funny after the 3 trillionth repetition.

My dad didn't take it as well as my mother did; he is also more rigidly
a meat 'n' potatoes person, so I guess that's to be expected.  I'm happy
to say that my mom now cooks with a lot less meat, and our holiday dinners
have turned mostly vegetarian - which is logical since at Thanksgiving I
think the vegetarians outnumbered the flesh eaters.

One thing I noticed was that people's reactions were often rather emotional;
sometimes angry or offended, like you recount, and also occasionally
evangelistic, as if it is that person's moral duty to save me from my 
evil choice.  I wondered for a while why people got so emotional about
something that was, after all, my own business, and I eventually concluded
that they could be feeling judged, to some degree, by my choice.  Even
though I was very careful not to make any judgemental comments, I think
some people read it into the situation.  And probably some people feel
a bit scared by the prospect; they know the health benefits of reducing or
eliminating meat/eggs/dairy, but they're afraid they wouldn't be able to do
it so they cover it all up with a lot of bluster.  It's probably even harder
for a parent to face the subject, because she's in effect being told that
the way she provided for her family over the years has been rejected as
Wrong.  What a thing to face.

I could be totally wrong about this, but it's not really that important
whether I'm right or not.  What is does is let me get myself past other
people's extreme reactions by assuming it's just their discomfort at the
thought that their eating habits might really be less than perfect.  And
that lets me keep calm and ease up on the person I'm talking to rather
than taking offense and getting into an argument, raising my blood pressure
and undoing all those health benefits I'm supposed to be enjoying!  :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Bob Pitha                      Molecular Simulations Inc.
bobp@msi.com                   16 New England Executive Park
(617) 229-9800 x242            Burlington, MA 01803-5297
Newsgroups: rec.food.veg