HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey)
Subject: Under Pain
Reply-To: aaron@space.ualberta.ca
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 00:41:05 GMT

Alfvaen peruses with some amusement a yellow sheet of paper that somehow got
handed to him a few days ago(although nobody recalls seeing anyone come in to
do so).  He starts reading..."Subpoena To A Witness/Assignation a un temoin.
Regina vs. Cunningham, Stanley.  Case No., Docket No., Police No., blah blah
blah.  Accused Charged, blah blah blah, Attempted Housebreaking.  Victim Name:
Humphrey, Nicole.  You are hereby commanded to appear to give evidence for the
prosecution before the presiding judge in the provincial court, criminal of
Alberta on Tuesday October 27, 1992 at 2:00 PM, Courtroom 356.  Blah blah
blah."

He sets down the piece of paper, now having got the attention of those in the
bar.  He grins.  "Yes, I've been subpoenaed, and so has Nicole.  Some of you
may remember my account of the guy who climbed up on our balcony at 5:00 AM a
few weeks back, trying rather ineptly to kick his way in through the glass, and
appearing to be somewhat under the influence.  Since we got subpoenaed, I can
presume that he pleaded not guilty.  Perhaps his lawyer thinks he can get him
off since he was under the influence and hence not responsible for his actions.
I certainly hope not.

"So we get our day in court.  Perhaps several days.  We get to see how the
Canadian justice system actually works.  We get to get a good look at the guy
who tried to break in, and he at us--the only part that makes me mildly
anxious.  But Nicole will certainly be taking notes on the procedure et al., in
case she wants to use it in a book someday.  She's looking forward to it, at
least...and it will be interesting to find out more about what happened that
night..."

--
---Alfvaen(Canadian SF Quasi-Activist)
"Been there, done that
 Been there, don't want to go back"  --Brian Eno & John Cale
Current Album--Idyl Tea
Current Read--John Updike:Rabbit, Run
Organization: Psychology, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
From: trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Barbara Trumpinski)
Subject: Re: Mudder... Mudder... (Speak up man, I can't hear you!)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 23:49:44 GMT



>The Cartoon Mouse looks up.

>"Hmm... I always thought the American educational system had a touch of
>strangeness. Nothing over here could top that... I suppose the dorm mascot
>is a duck, and the motto is "Quark! Quark!". I suppose those puns are a
>little weak, and possibly forced, but it's hard to get a spin on a topic,
>whilst completly ignoring its gravity. There's some sort of symmetry involved,
>but I'd better stop before I walk over a planck of my own making..."

>Ignatz has been reading a book on Quantum-electrodynamics.


"and this book, it was feyn-man...non?"  kitten giggles and sticks
her tongue out.

--
***************************************************************************
conan the librarian a.k.a. kitten           /\ /\  barbara ann 
"my life's a soap opera, isn't yours?"      {=.=}
                                              ~   trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu 
"perhaps _any_ universe becomes real in proportion 
to the number of people who believe in it and spend time there." s. robinson

Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: lower-tony@CS.YALE.EDU (Tony Lower)
Subject: Re: Y'all are so NICE
Organization: Yale University Computer Science Dept., New Haven, CT 06520-2158
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 17:07:34 GMT

In article <199209101725.AA16094@david.wheaton.edu> clhoerth@david.wheaton.EDU (Cathe L Hoerth) writes:
>(net access, shmet access...)
>
>  My name is
>Ocelot, by the way, but I also answer to Minx or Kat or Hey You.  Mike,
>make mine a Dr. Pepper, in the can, really cold."
>					---Ocelot
>"I'm not hip enough to have a sig. file"

  Manx looks up from the corner where he has been brooding over pages
and pages of code.  "You answer to Minx?  Oh God... this is sure to
end in trouble..."

Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: JMPIERCE%USMCP6.bitnet@VM.TCS.Tulane.EDU (JIM PIERCE)
Subject: re: Stumpy goes to Aus
Organization: Yale CS Mail/News Gateway
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 14:30:18 GMT



 >Whoever You are Meeting...
 >    IT'S *NOT* US!
 > (Aren't you glad?)

  Upon reading this DJ starts to chuckle, then laugh, louder,
until he is laughing so hard, he has to worry about waking the
other people in the house ! "Fantastic ! I agree, must be Callahaners !"

   DJ.
{ from home. }


* <JMPIERCE@USMCP6.BITNET> Jim "DJ." Pierce; Bach. Sci. in Appl. Comp. Sci.
* USM Academic Computing on the Gulf Park Campus. Disclaimer: Standard.
* "I'm a computer operator and I'm Ok !" me.
From: MTURN01@RICEVM1.RICE.EDU (Turner, Martha Axler)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: Y'all are so NICE
Date: 11 Sep 92 16:36:22 GMT
Organization: Rice University

In article <199209101725.AA16094@david.wheaton.edu>
clhoerth@david.wheaton.EDU (Cathe L Hoerth) writes:
 
>        The ocelot, under the influence of kindness and good vibes,
>begins to calm down.  It seems she was not so much afraid of the company
Emter grins. "Well, we seem to have a weakness for scared cats, especially
ocelots. Welcome!"
 
>pauses and fishes around in the empty air behind her.  She frowns,
>reaches deeper, and comes up with "the six dozen chocolate chip cookies
>I baked last night.  This dozen is for Sudrith, and this cookie here is
>especially for Stan, but all the rest of them are fair game.  I also"
>here she digs into her Pocket again "have some hummus and pita bread, if
>anybody wants it.  The vegetarians in the room who haven't tried this
>should.  I warn you, though, it's loaded with garlic.
"Hummus? Ooh, yummy! Thank you, Ocelot!," Emter mumbles through a
mouthful of the stuff. "And the more garlic the better, I say! (Well,
almost.)" :-) "And Mike, would you put Ocelot's drink on my bill?
Thanks."
--Emter
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: dbriggs@zia.aoc.nrao.edu (Daniel Briggs)
Subject: Re: Callahan's avain population?
Organization: National Radio Astronomy Observatory, Socorro NM
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 92 06:13:37 GMT

In article <1992Sep15.053700.17277@muddcs.claremont.edu>
  uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu (Lydia Uribe) writes:
>Recognizing a face she hasn't seen in a very long time, Soprano grins
>widely.  "Hey Dan'l, welcome back!"

Dan'l bows in thanks to Soprano, and offers the fellow diver a quick hug of
greeting.

"I pop in from time to time, but with 50 or 100 postings per day, any given
one is easy enough to miss.  I'm certainly not in the top 10 of the Usenet
posting champs!  (Unlike some of us, I gather!)  I'll confess that while I
try to keep abreast of the group, sometimes I hit the 'c' key rather than
the 'n' key. :(

"I had a wonderful weekend -- most muscles in my body ache.  :)  I spent
the weekend playing in a local lake, and begin to see some of the allure of
the water.  Learned to water ski a bit, though I didn't manage to get up
on one.  I didn't get a terribly long shot at it, though.  It leaves something
to shoot for next time!  Two skis went pretty well, though.  I had great fun
jumping the wake.  I could do with a few more weekends like that.

-- 
| Daniel Briggs  (dbriggs@nrao.edu)                      |        USPA B-14993
| New Mexico Tech / National Radio Astronomy Observatory |            DoD #387
| P.O. Box O / Socorro, NM 87801   (505) 835-7391        |
Support the League for Programming Freedom  (info from league@prep.ai.mit.edu)
From: rowanf@crc.ricoh.com (Rowan Fairgrove)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: Books Database
Date: 14 Sep 92 15:07:31 GMT
Reply-To: rowanf@crc.ricoh.com (Rowan Fairgrove)
Organization: RICOH California Research Center

I have often been tempted to put my  books in a
database.  I keep waiting for an easier way to do
the data entry.  Would any of you intrepid SF
readers who have done the work like to provide
ascii disks of entry already done to those of us
not yet started.  I haven't counted my collection
but just the SF takes up three walls of floor-to-
ceiling shelves.  Much of it is too old for ISBNs,
but if someone knows of a *cheap* system to
cross-index the barcode with the bibliographic
info, that would be cool.  I have also wished for
a public library with a good fiction collection 
from which to download cites.  

Someday this will get done, really.....
[Oh no, I can see that then I would
have to carry my PowerBook when I go to the 
used bookstore....  Well, at least then I wouldn't
be fooled by new covers on old books.]

BTW, I have a database of all my Romano-Celtic 
archaeology/folklore books and articles (complete
with a thesaurus I created to catalog it).  If there 
are any other folk studying this particular area
I would be happy to exchange info. 


Rowan Fairgrove
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: u906451@bruny.cc.utas.edu.au (Damien Saunders)
Subject: Re: Ocelot pun
Organization: University of Tasmania, Australia.
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 10:02:24 GMT


JBrandt@AAA.UOregon.EDU (Jay Brandt) writes:

><Thyra speaks up from her table as the puns about ocelots begin to fly
>about the place.>

>Here's one! When two Ocelots dance, it's -Oscilation_, right?
When two Ocelots kiss, it's _Osculation, right?
[from Dictionary _Osculate_ meaning to kiss each other]
Octet meeting of eight ocelots.
Octopuss alternant name for ocelot.
Octopi pie containing eight ocelots
(No offence meant)

From Gunnar
Southrenmost corner of the bar.



--
`Of COURSE I was glad to get rid of him, he's flipped. He's got mad droid
disease! He kept waving a banana in front of me and calling it a femalE
aardvark'  --Red Dwarf, "Camille" 
Damien Saunders (Gunnar Njalsson [SCA]) Email: u906451@bruny.cc.utas.edu.au
From: stef@Apple.COM (Stef Jones)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: British Comedy, San Francisco, 12 Sept.
Date: 6 Sep 92 00:32:01 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Apple Computer Inc., Cupertino, CA


Do you like Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, Red Dwarf, Black Adder, Are You
Being Served, _A_Fish_Called_Wanda_, _The_Hitchhiker's_Guide_To_the_Galaxy_?

Then come to:

Stef's British Comedy Boink
Saturday, September 12
3pm - 9pm
San Francisco Sunset District (near 19th Avenue exit off 280)

What we have so far:

   Fawlty Towers (complete series)
   Monty Python (selected episodes and both _All_the_Words_ books)
   Red Dwarf (selected episodes)
   Hitchhiker's Guide (complete radio series)

Space in front of my TV set is limited, so please RSVP. As a reward, you 
will receive directions to the party location.

Please bring:
British Comedy videos, cassette tapes, records, CDs, books
     (let me know what you're planning to bring) 
     (yes it's OK not to bring them if you don't have any)
A snack or beverage to share 

Hope to see you there!

Firecat
--
Stef                 Where am I going, and what am I doing in this handbasket?
stef@apple.com     
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: JMPIERCE%USMCP6.bitnet@VM.TCS.Tulane.EDU (JIM PIERCE)
Subject: re: A timid entrance
Organization: Yale CS Mail/News Gateway
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 05:38:34 GMT


  "Welcome ocelot to The Place ! Mike, a saucer of milk please !"
Linda the StarShip.

She places a dollar in the cigar box, and puts the saucer of milk
where the ocelot can reach it...

"Hmm. I would wake Boss up, but he has had a busy week, " Linda.


* <JMPIERCE@USMCP6.BITNET> Jim "DJ." Pierce; Bach. Sci. in Appl. Comp. Sci.
* USM Academic Computing on the Gulf Park Campus. Disclaimer: Standard.
* "I'm a computer operator and I'm Ok !" me.
From: rowanf@crc.ricoh.com (Rowan Fairgrove)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Gypsy Returns
Date: 14 Sep 92 15:13:26 GMT
Reply-To: rowanf@crc.ricoh.com (Rowan Fairgrove)
Organization: RICOH California Research Center

A loud rumbling noise shakes the Place.  Various
patrons look out into the parking lot only to find
Gypsy Woman pulling up in her vardo.

"How can a pegasus-drawn wagon make so much
noise?" asks a querelous voice.

Hi all.  That was the sound of a space shuttle taking
off.  I had a great holiday.  Schmoozed with lots
of lovely Witches in Michigan, did the family duty
in B'ham and then had a lovely time in Orlando.  We
zoomed over to the Cape to catch the launch.  I have
always wanted to do that and it was great fun.  Maybe
I will be inspired to go see it land sometime.  From 
our vantage point the visuals consisted of a bright
flame and a large contrail but the sound was overwhelming
and felt like it shook the ground.  Way cool.

Anyway, I'm back.  My desk is piled high and I may not
be around the Place all that much for a few days, but I
wanted to let you know that I missed you all.

Bright blessings,

Rowan (Gypsy Woman)

Rowan Fairgrove
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: edotto@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Ed Otto)
Subject: Doing NOTHING and getting paid for it! What a deal...
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 15:16:02 GMT

Here I sit, on Friday morning.

Another week has gone by, and I STILL have nothing to do.

Anyone out there looking for a Unix/Ultrix systems manager with
TCP/IP, NFS, PC Networking experience who has had his duties restricted
because his supervisor decided that it was more desireable to pay DEC
about $40K rather than give him a $15K/year raise?

Since my duties were restricted and I was locked out of my old office,
I have sat here for 11 weeks with NOTHING to do.  NOTHING.
(I have made 3 repair calls - one for a defective laser cartridge, one for
a bad tractor drive belt, and one for a bad fuser unit.  Other than that...)

HELP!

Edward C. Otto III			* e-otto@uiuc.edu
Ex-systems Manager			* edotto@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu
University of Illinois			* Voice: 217/333-9250
Printing Services Office		* Fax:   217/244-7277
54A. E Gregory  Chanpaign Il  61820     *

"I've recently discovered something - NEVER let your boss you know more than
she does - and then, expect to NOT get paid for doing what you know that she
does not."

-- 
Edward C. Otto III			* e-otto@uiuc.edu
Ex-systems Manager			* edotto@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu
University of Illinois			* Voice: 217/333-9250
Printing Services Office		* Fax:   217/244-7277
From: clhoerth@david.wheaton.EDU (Cathe L Hoerth)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Y'all are so NICE
Date: 10 Sep 92 17:25:22 GMT

(net access, shmet access...)

	The ocelot, under the influence of kindness and good vibes,
begins to calm down.  It seems she was not so much afraid of the company
in the Place as that outside it.  Nudging COAN, she inspects the wounds
he incurred on his way to an RL with her over the weekend, checking to
be sure that they are clean and healing well.  After a cursory lick or
two to satisfy her maternal instincts that they are, indeed, all right,
she wanders over to a clear patch of floor.
	Looking faintly embarrassed as only a feline can, she lashes
herself with her tail and then leaps around as though to chase it.
There is a small "swish!" and the ocelot reveals herself to be, in fact,
a shortish, blondish chick in baggy, written-on jeans that have seen
better days and a black backless top that keeps crawling down off her
shoulder.  She smiles uncertainly.  "Hi.  Umm... sorry about the
melodrama, but somebody frightened me Outside and I just dropped
everything and ran.  Ummm... well.  I think I'll just run along Outside
and retrieve my stuff.  Back in a minute."
****
	Some 45 min. later she returns, but does not appear to be
carrying anything.  "Well, I seem to have lost one of my giraffes - it's
amazing what people will walk off with these days - but fortunately
nobody took my Laurie Anderson cd, my solid gold ingot, my spool of
purple thread, my small bottle of Grecian olive oil, or my tessera
collection.  We are all especially fortunate that nobody took," here she
pauses and fishes around in the empty air behind her.  She frowns,
reaches deeper, and comes up with "the six dozen chocolate chip cookies
I baked last night.  This dozen is for Sudrith, and this cookie here is
especially for Stan, but all the rest of them are fair game.  I also"
here she digs into her Pocket again "have some hummus and pita bread, if
anybody wants it.  The vegetarians in the room who haven't tried this
should.  I warn you, though, it's loaded with garlic.  My name is
Ocelot, by the way, but I also answer to Minx or Kat or Hey You.  Mike,
make mine a Dr. Pepper, in the can, really cold."
					---Ocelot
"I'm not hip enough to have a sig. file"
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: keulen@possum.csu.murdoch.edu.au (Mike van Keulen)
Subject: Re: Feather's reply to Splash
Organization: Murdoch University
Date: 15 Sep 92 03:11:02 GMT

Splash takes the Brandy Alexander off the bar and places it on a nearby table.
There ya go Feather, now careful while landing!

How much of this stuff can one little avian take?  It could lead to one
becoming a pixel-lated parrot!  Or a pizzled (or plastered) Polly, or a
plethora of other descriptives.  Sorry if the parrot references are
inappropriate, but I'm not sure what variety of avian you actually are, or
resemble.

Enjoy the Brandy Alexander, and sing out if you require another!

Splash!

--
***************************** Michael van Keulen *************************** 
* Snail: School of BES - Biology         e-mail: keulen@murdoch.edu.au     *
*        Murdoch University              phone:  ++ 61 (09) 360-2843 (work)*
*        Murdoch WA 6150  AUSTRALIA              ++ 61 (09) 417-3902 (home)*
*************************** "To Love is to _LIVE_!" ************************
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: feath@agora.rain.com (Feather)
Subject: I am NOT a parrot!
Organization: Open Communications Forum
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 21:39:10 GMT

Splash has placed a delicious Brandy Alexander on a nearby table for Feather.

"S'cuse me Stumpy."  Feather flutters off of Stumpy's shoulder and lands on the 
table with the Alexander.  "Thanks, Splash!"

Feather has her head halfway in the glass, happily gulping away when she 
remembers Splash's parrot jokes all of a sudden.  She chokes and sputters,
pulls her head out, shakes the frothy white stuff off of her tiny beak, and
squawks:  "I am NOT a parrot!"

"I understand your assumption, though.  Aparrot-ly, you saw that I am an avian,
so it figures one would think I am one of that specific kind.  Don't worry, no
offense taken.  However, for the record I am just a small gray bird of an 
unknown specie.  I guess I am a kind of generic bird.  For what it's worth,
if I were to have any relation to any particular avain specie at all, it
would probably be in relation to some kind of dove, come to think of it.  I
sort of look like a white dove if you made it all gray and then shrank it to
about a one-third size.  Also, I don't tilt my head back to swallow my drinks -
I guess that's another indication.  (Any ornithogists in here?)  However, for
the record, I wish to remain as I am...  just a small gray bird of an unknown
specie...  not a dove...  not a parrot...  not anything you are familiar with,
I am..."

Feather stops to gulp the rest of her drink, and psychokinetically sends the
glass accross the room towards the fireplace...

"...just me."

<CRASH!>
From: chuahl@ocf.berkeley.edu (Chua HakLien)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: C, the bug, returns...
Date: 7 Sep 92 18:53:32 GMT
Organization: U.C. Berkeley Open Computing Facility
NNTP-Posting-Host: earthquake.berkeley.edu

The doors open, and in steps a giant cockroach, carrying a huge
funky pink and green backpack, with a Catalonian flag, a bunch of
pins, and a cheap zoom camera strapped around his neck.

"Hola, Dudes! I've just found my way back from Barcelona, from the
Olympics! A great show, wasn't it? I even got...."
( searches through his pockets, and his backpack.. )
"Evander Hollyfield's autograph! But it's a really ugly scribble;
probably from one headpunch too many..."

"ahh.. Barcelona. My memories of you will be fond, though my pictures
of you are blurry...."

"Bartendar! One Sangria!"
( that's alcoholic punch. Pretty good stuff... )

C, The Bug
+========+
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: keulen@possum.csu.murdoch.edu.au (Mike van Keulen)
Subject: Re: Never Never Land pt2
Organization: Murdoch University
Date:  5 Sep 92 07:44:30 GMT

ml5a+@andrew.cmu.edu (Mark Beirne Lively) writes of Never Never Land:

>     The group sets down on what should be Never never land.  But it never
>looked like this.  It is dull and grey.  No color to it whatsoever.  It makes
>the beginning of Wizard of OZ( book or movie take you pick, I prefer the
>book :)) look like a neon acid trip.  The water has an eerie gray cast to it
>and smells like raw sewage.  There are a few withered remains of trees, all
>dry and broken up.  The sky has a pallid grey look, which oozes impending
>doom.

[stuff deleted]

>     Just then a head poppes out of the water, covered with slimy ooze.
>The mermaid coughes and sputters.    " Pixie!! Where have you been?  What took
>you soooo long.  You were supposed to go get help.  Peter has been captured by
>pirates.  You have to go save him and NNL".

Splash looks curiously at the slime dribbling off the mermaid's hair and nose
and thinks "such a pretty nose too!" (Asterix and Cleopatra).  Puzzled by the
disgusting aroma of the ooze and its odd colour, the cogs begin to turn ...

>AS WE LEAVE OUR GROUP, ONE BY ONE THE PARTY IS SHARING THIER HAPPY THOUGHT,
>WHILE BEAR LUSTS AFTER THE MERMAID, WISHING HE WAS A BETTER SWIMMER........

As the rest of the party concentrate on happy thoughts and lusting (some
rescue, Bear!), Splash kneels down next to the water and tentatively puts in a
finger.  It emerges dripping with a dull green-gray slime.  Aha!  The cogs
finally wrench into gear and Splash recognizes the classic signs of severe
eutrophication.  His eye catches a dead fish floating about 20m offshore,
confirming his thoughts.  "What we need here is some means of getting rid of
nutrients - namely the bullshit which the pirates love spinning (and dumping in
the sea, like sewage)."  

Since this is VR, Splash concentrates on anti-bullshit thoughts, and slowly a
patch of clear water expands in front of him.  Now, he thinks, what about the
land parts of this place?  It does look a bit like ground zero ...
Unfortunately Splash isn't too hot on terrestrial biology, so the cogs turn
somewhat more slowly.  For the moment he keeps thinking happy thoughts in
general, until he can figure out a more specific solution.

>By Mark Lively(ML5A@andrew.cmu.edu) and
>Cathy Ridings(U3E67@WVNVM.bitnet)
and Splash!
--
***************************** Michael van Keulen *************************** 
* Snail: School of BES - Biology         e-mail: keulen@murdoch.edu.au     *
*        Murdoch University              phone:  ++ 61 (09) 360-2843 (work)*
*        Murdoch WA 6150  AUSTRALIA              ++ 61 (09) 417-3902 (home)*
*************************** "To Love is to _LIVE_!" ************************
Newsgroups: alt.callahans