From: jewell@mace.cc.purdue.edu (Larry Jewell)
Subject: 'NamVet Newsletter, Vol.4, no.11 (3/6)
Organization: Purdue University
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 21:02:56 GMT


     |                                                               |
     |  As a preliminary test of the IN TOUCH project, the Friends   |
     |  has implemented a pilot project to test the design and       |
     |  demands of such a program.  Several hundred requests with    |
     |  full background information have been entered into a system  |
     |  designed to match requestor data with the existing Memorial  |
     |  data. Even with such a small sample, limited data and a      |
     |  fairly unsophisticated cross-indexing system, matches have   |
     |  been made and IN TOUCH has produced its first real           |
     |  connections.  The results have been as profoundly moving for |
     |  the participants as expected. And as gratifying for the      |
     |  Friends.                                                     |
     |                                                               |
     |  But it was clear that the information management system and  |
     |  the supporting hardware system would have to be more power-  |
     |  ful and more complex in order to handle thousands, perhaps   |
     |  hundreds of thousands, of requests.  Confidentiality of the  |
     
     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 28
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

     |  system and information must be paramount.                    |
     |                                                               |
     |  With well over 2,000 Vietnam veterans, Electronic Data       |
     |  Systems (EDS) became involved and has been generous in its   |
     |  assistance with designing the data management systems which  |
     |  will be critical to a successful program.  The Friends have  |
     |  reached a three-year working agreement with EDS which        |
     |  promises continuity and maximum potential for success in     |
     |  building an information bank that can truly help people in   |
     |  their search for others who knew a loved one.                |
     |                                                               |
     |  The Friends are delighted that Bob Hope has agreed to make   |
     |  a public service announcement which we can use on radio and  |
     |  television to help get the word out to the public on the     |
     |  availability of the service.                                 |
     |                                                               |
     |  The Friends are also pleased to note that Hewlett Packard,   |
     |  Zenith Data Systems, Borland International, FASTCOMM         |
     |  Communications Corporation and the First National Bank of    |
     |  Chicago have all contributed computer equipment, computer    |
     |  software, and office equipment to the project, so they are   |
     |  beginning to feel fully functional.                          |
     |                                                               |
     |  The Friends hear from people who have long been living with  |
     |  the pain of loss and looking for a way to heal.  For         |
     |  instance, the Friends recently received a letter from a      |
     |  woman who wrote:                                             |
     |                                                               |
     |       Dear Friends:                                           | 
     |           For quite some time I have been searching for a     |
     |       way to know my brother.  It seems hopeless at times.    |
     |       I was 12 when he was killed...  I had waited for the    |
     |       day he would come back to us.  He never did.  A part    |
     |       of me will always be 12 and continue to wait.           |
     |           Thank you for giving me hope that there may be      |
     |       a way to find him and bring him home to my heart..."    |
     |                                                               |
     |                          +   +   +                            |
     |                                                               |
     |           The Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial        |
     |                     Electronic Data Systems                   |
     |           Herndon Byte eXchange TCOMMnet BBS 1:109/316        |
     |                                                               |        
     |+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++|
     














     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 29
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

                    IN-TOUCH Registration/Request Form
     
                       Input by: Ray "Frenchy" Moreau
                      NAM VETs IN-TOUCH Section Editor
                     Herndon Byte eXchange - Herndon, VA
                               (703) 471-8010
     
         THIS FORM REQUIRES SIGNATURE FOR CONFIDENTIALITY RELEASE 
                             PLEASE READ BELOW
     ------------------------------------------------------------------
     I wish to be IN TOUCH with (Please circle and/or comment) Family, 
     Friends and/or Fellow Veterans of the following: 
     __________________________________________________________________
     __________________________________________________________________
     
     ----------- PERSON WHO DID NOT COME BACK FROM VIETNAM ------------
     
     First Name_____________ Middle Name___________ Last Name__________
     Relationship to You and/or Reason for Request 
     (Answer as fully as possible)_____________________________________
     __________________________________________________________________
     
     ==================================================================
     
     -------- ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ABOUT HIM/HER - IF KNOWN ---------
     
     Rank_______ Birth Date ______________ Soc. Sec. # ________________
     Tour Date of Birth _______________ Where Buried __________________
     Branch of Service:  AR__   NA__    AF__   MC__  CG__  RC__   CIV__
     (Fill in his/her equivalent unit designations in the spaces below)
     Division ____________ Brigade ___________ Battalion ______________
     Regiment ____________ Company ___________ Ship ___________________
     Battles:__________________________________________________________
     Locations:________________________________________________________
     Nicknames:________________________________________________________
     Hometown (while in Nam): ____________________ Home State: ________
     
     ==================================================================
     
     ---------------------- INFORMATION ABOUT YOU ---------------------
     Title___  First Name ____________ Middle/Maiden Name _____________
     Last Name ____________________
     Address___________________________________________________________
     City __________________________________ State ____ Zip: _____-____
     Your Home Phone (   ) ____________  Work Phone: (   ) ____________
     
     ---------------- IF YOU ARE A VIETNAM-ERA VETERAN ----------------
     
     Tour date _______________________________  Rank __________________
     Branch of Service: AR__  NA __  AF __  MC __  CG __  RC __  CIV __
          Fill in your equivalent unit designations in the spaces below
     Division: __________  Brigade: ___________  Battalion: ___________
     Regiment: __________  Company: ___________  Ship: ________________
     Battles: _________________________________________________________
     Locations: _______________________________________________________
     Nicknames: _______________________________________________________
     Hometown (when in VN) _______________________ Home State: ________
     Comments: ________________________________________________________
     
     
     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 30
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

                             CONFIDENTIALITY STATEMENT
     _____  I give permission to the Friends of the Vietnam Veterans 
            Memorial to release my name, address, phone number and 
            relationship to other participants in the IN TOUCH project 
            seeking information on the individual above (strike out 
            phone number if you do not want it released).
                                    OR
     
     _____  I would like to have the names, addresses, and phone 
            numbers of persons who knew my friend or relative, but 
            prefer NOT to have my name, address, and phone number 
            released.
     
     I hereby release the Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial from 
     any and all liability that may arise from the operation of the IN 
     TOUCH project.
     
     Signature ____________________________________ Date _____________
     
     NOTE: Do not electronically transmit this form, instead mail to:
           Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial
           1350 Connecticut Ave., N.W. Suite 300
           Washington, DC 20036
     -----------------------------------------------------------------
     


































     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 31
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

                         INNOCENCE
                   By: Michael A. Harris
                     Republic of Vietnam
                          1968-69
     
            We left this soil, trained to kill.
            Men and women, so young at heart.
            The ravages of war, quickly changed our will.
            It was so very obvious, from the start.
     
            Our innocence seared, we struggled and fought.
            Confused and weary, we saw many die.
            Who is this God, so many have sought?
            He seems so distant, can He hear our cry?
     
            As the war raged on, we grew so hard.
            Losing our youth, we stumbled and fell.
            Curses put on us, we were broken and charred.
            Where are you God, in this living hell?
     
            Finally it ceased, going home at last.
            Never to worry, welcomed for our deeds.
            We found out soon, it wasn't as the past.
            Our nation changed, it didn't see our needs.
     
            There was a new war, upon our arrival.
            Instead of comfort, came rejection and pain.
            We retreated within, for our own survival.
            Dreams and ambitions, never renewed again.
     
            Growing ever so bitter, we kept asking "Why?".
            Did God forsake us, when we needed Him most?
            We cried out in battle, watching many die.
            Where is this God, the Lord of Host?
     
            He knows every sparrow, that falls from the sky?
            And every single hair, that is upon our head?
            Why did He leave us, in those fields to die?
            He could have intervened, and saved instead.
     
            Years have passed, I have begun to heal.
            My defenses relenting, I want what's true.
            Tired of hiding, I seek what is real.
            It's good to be cheerful, not being so blue.
     
            The reports are coming, He was there after all.
            They seem to be credible, as I begin to look.
            The hardness is softening, as I hear Him call.
            I see He is Almighty, as I search His book.
     
            What about our Brothers, who fell at our side?
            This I've given to Him, He knows what's best.
            His arms are outstretched, His gates open wide.
            What a peace to give all, and dwell in His rest!
     




     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 32
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990



     =================================================================
                     T h e   N a m V e t   C h a p e l
     =================================================================

                             ???BORN AGAIN???
                            What Does it Mean?
     
                              By: Mike Harris
                           NamVet Guest Chaplain
                            AFIMS - Everett, WA
                              (206) 486-0609
     
          Subject A                             Subject B
          ---------                             ---------
          Alcoholic                             Non-drinker
          Drug user                             Drug free
          Sexually promiscuous                  Faithful or celibate
          Lonely                                Many friends
          Angry                                 At peace
          Financial instability                 Able employee
          Guilt ridden                          Free from Guilt
          Hard hearted                          Able to love
          Suicidal                              High esteem
          Bad Dreams                            Restful nights
          Lack of trust                         Freedom to trust
          Relational suicide                    Solid relationships
          Without hope                          Full of hope
     
     If  you  had  a  choice to be in the shoes of  one  of  these  two 
     individuals  which  would  you prefer?   If you  are  honest  with 
     yourself,  you would most likely say "Subject B".   How many of us 
     have  experienced or are still experiencing many of "Subject  A's" 
     characteristics?  You may not have all, but do share some.
     
     Many  of  you have seen my posts on the Vietnam Echo from time  to 
     time.   I truly enjoy being a part of such an Echo.   As soon as I 
     get home from the days work I usually rush to my little laptop and 
     try  to  get on the board.   If it is busy I continue until I  get 
     through.   When  I miss a few days I can't wait to get back in  to 
     see what I have been missing.
     
     Being  on an Echo is an interesting means of  communication.   You 
     very seldom see the other person face to face.   Perhaps some will 
     say  in  private what they would never say to another  in  person.  
     You  get used to "regular users"  and begin to understand how they 
     think.   Just  when you think you have them figured out they  fool 
     you with a response.  New users come and go.  Clicks seem to form.  
     No yelling. No screaming. No crying.  No laughing.   Out loud that 
     is!   The  silence  is broken only by the clicking of the keys  of 
     your  computer.   Silently  you share other  peoples  lives.   The 
     Vietnam  Echo  is special to us former soldiers.   We are able  to 
     share our pasts as well as our futures.   Our victories as well as 
     our defeats.  Our concerns as well as our opinions.
     
     This article reveals much about its writer.  You see, I used to be 
     "Subject A".  His attributes were drawn from my past. I am willing 
     to expose my past to reveal to you my present and future.   I have 
     been  transformed to "Subject B"  over these last nine  years.   I 
     used to live in misery but now I live with hope in my heart.   Old 
     
     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 33
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

     things  are  passing away and new things happen in my life  daily.  
     It  has  not  been  an easy road,  but I would not  trade  if  for 
     anything!
     
     We  have all heard of being "Born Again".   Some of us have  never 
     gone  beyond  hearing the phrase.   Others have heard it but  have 
     never understood what it means.   Even christians reading this may 
     not  quite  understand it.   It carries a stigma and has had  many 
     interpretations through the centuries.   Some make it sound like a 
     "hard"  thing to attain.  Others feel they can never attain to it.  
     Why?   I  submit to you that it is simple and can be attained very 
     easily.  It is man that makes it seem so elusive!
     
     Being  Born Again can be likened to our natural birth.   After  we 
     are  born  we are totally dependent upon our parents.   We can  do 
     nothing  functional of ourselves.   Mom and Dad even have to  hold 
     our heads up for us.   As we grow,  we learn how to crawl and then 
     to  walk.   To  talk  and reason.   Life is a  continual  learning 
     process.   As  we  grow,  we  grow  in  wisdom,   knowledge,   and 
     understanding.  Then death comes and we go the way of all mankind.  
     What is our hope beyond death?  Do we really know what to expect?
     
     Man is made up of Spirit, Soul, and Body.  In the Garden, Adam and 
     Eve  were  complete  in  God.   They communed with  Him  daily  in 
     obedience.  God had told them never to partake of the fruit of the 
     "Tree  of the Knowledge of Good and Evil".   If they did,  then He 
     said, "Thou shalt surely die".  He had His reasons.
     
     Then  the  serpent beguiled Eve and man fell out of the  grace  of 
     God.  They died and thus we die still today.  What hope do we have 
     then?   If  we will search with our hearts,  the greatest hope  we 
     could ever obtain is waiting for us.
     
     The  bible  says,  "If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the  Lord 
     Jesus,  and  shalt believe in thine HEART that God hath raised Him 
     from the dead, thou shalt be saved." (Romans 10:9)  Does this seem 
     difficult?  It was for me for many years.
     
     In January of 1981 I was sorely distraught because I had tried and 
     tried to quit marijuana and speed.  In 1976 I had quit alcohol and 
     replaced it with drugs.   Just prior to that winter day I had gone 
     without  drugs  for 40 days.   Victory seemed within reach when  a 
     friend  stopped  by and I fell one more time.   In  frustration  I 
     angrily yelled at God.  "If you are real,  then make yourself real 
     to me!" I begged.  Nothing happened.
     
     Three days later, while sitting in my kitchen alone,  God spoke to 
     me in a way no one had ever spoken before.  I know now that it was 
     in my spirit.  He said, "Flush your drugs down the toilet!"  I was 
     shocked!   In  response I said,  "What about Randy,  he uses  them 
     too?"   He  came  right back with,  "He doesn't need them  either, 
     flush them down the toilet!"   I went to the freezer,  got my bags 
     of  marijuana  and  pills,  and flushed them down  the  toilet  in 
     obedience.  It wasn't hard.  It was easy!   I knew He was serious.  
     It felt good!
     
     That  day I accepted Him with my HEART.   He was faithful and made 
     Himself  real to me.   I have not used drugs in almost ten  years.  
     He has healed me!
     
     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 34
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

     
     Something  special  happened  that day.   My  spirit  came  alive. 
     Without Him, it was dead.  He quickened me and planted His ETERNAL 
     SEED within me. I want you to know that that SEED is Jesus Christ! 
     (Galatians  3:16)   He  died upon the cross for you and I and  the 
     Father  raised  Him from the dead.   We can now have victory  over 
     death.   Eternal  life entered my being that day in 81.   What  is 
     eternal cannot die!  God's Holy Spirit came to dwell within me.  I 
     will never look back!
     
     Jesus,  while  talking  to the Pharisee  Nicodemus,  stated  that, 
     "Except  a man be Born Again,  he cannot see the kingdom of  God." 
     (John  3:3)   He was speaking of being born "of the Spirit."  This 
     happens  by believing upon Him with our HEART,  not our head.   He 
     went on to tell Nicodemus that,  "God so loved the world,  that He 
     gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should 
     not perish, but have EVERLASTING LIFE." (John 3:16)
     
     On  that  day  in 1981 I knew that God was real and  my  life  had 
     changed.   That SEED within me began to be nourished and grow.   I 
     was like natural baby.  I could not even crawl. God had to hold my 
     head up.   He began feeding me through home bible studies at first 
     and  gave me another single brother to study the bible most nights 
     with.   We ate popcorn and the Word of God night after night.   He 
     flooded  us to overflowing!   He showed us His Word was penned  by 
     man  but inspired by Himself.   I tried in vain to prove it wrong. 
     He showed me the Trinity and how to give my burdens to Him.
     
     In  the Summer of 81 He spoke to me again.   This time it was even 
     more  powerful.   I was driving down a country road by myself when 
     out of nowhere He said,  "You can deal with multitudes of people!"  
     Goosebumps rose up all over my body and my hair stood on end.  The 
     God of the universe was speaking to me again!  He hesitated,  then 
     added, "But... you must deal with YOURSELF first!"  My mind reeled 
     as I tried to fathom what He meant.  Silence.  That was all He had 
     to say.   As I continued to study His Word,  it began to take on a 
     new  perspective.   He began showing me who I really was.   It was 
     not pretty.   From that point on I began lightening my rucksack by 
     giving  Him  the dross in my soul.   A lot of things were hard  to 
     give over because I felt I couldn't do without them.  Every time I 
     went  to  Him in true repentance,  He would give me the  GRACE  to 
     overcome in another area.  I wouldn't trade it for anything!
     
     You see, that SEED of Christ is continuing to grow in me. The Holy 
     Spirit  lives within me and is cleansing my soul so the Father and 
     Son can come and dwell with me and in me as They did with Adam and 
     Eve in the Garden of Eden. (John 14:23)  When I was first born,  I 
     was born of a corruptible seed.  But now I am "Born Again,  not of 
     corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the Word of God,  which 
     liveth and abideth for ever." (1 Peter 1:23)
     
     I  do  not know exactly where I am at in His plan for me.   I  may 
     still be crawling and drinking milk.  On the other hand,  I may be 
     waddling and eating solids.   One thing I do know.  I am no longer 
     "Subject A"!
     
     You  can also partake of the SEED of Christ Brothers and  Sisters.  
     Many  of  you have and I count you as Brethren.   But many of  you 
     still  haven't made the choice.   One of the biggest obstacles  in 
     
     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 35
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

     our way is pride.  Being veterans, we are survivalist.   We have a 
     strong tendency to make it on our own.  God is not wanting to make 
     you  some  sort of puppet.   He does not want you to give up  your 
     will.  He wants you to follow His will of your own volition.
     
     Yesterday  I was preparing to speak to a group of Vietnam veterans 
     at  a prison here in Washington.   All week I felt God was coaxing 
     me to speak on "Surrender".   Within an hour before I was to speak 
     he impressed something special upon me.  Here it is:
     
          In man's army...if we surrender, it means CAPTIVITY!
     
          In God's army...if we surrender, it means FREEDOM!
     
     Remember the Military Code of Conduct..."I will never surrender of 
     my  own  free  will..."   We were all determined to keep  this  if 
     captured.   Some  of  you were captured and found out quickly  how 
     hard  it was to keep in reality.   How contrary it seems to us  to 
     associate FREEDOM with surrender.
     
     Without Christ,  we are all held as captives by the enemy.  I have 
     stepped  over  the line into God's army.   There,  the victory  is 
     already  won!   As  we  receive  healing from Him  we  can  become 
     corpsmen and go back for our wounded!   I want all of you to share 
     in  the freedom that I and other christian brothers share.   It is 
     truly a peace that passes all understanding!   You too can have it 
     by simply asking Him to "Make Himself real" to you!   He will meet 
     you where you are! Why not begin making peace with your past?
     
                               In His Love,
     
                                   MIKE
     
     PS  *  If anyone has any questions please feel free to contact  me 
            via  netmail  or  write  to  Mike  Harris,  P.O.  Box  440, 
            Mountlake Terrace, Wa. 98043.  (206) 486-5383
     






















     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 36
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

                            I
                            I
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                            I
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                          ITTTI                    o88888888
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                         I III I             8888888888888888 88888888
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                        T I   I T                           88888888
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                       II       II                The Quiet Place
                      IT    |    TI
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                    XIII    |    IIIX                 oooo    o
                   II I           I II             o88 888) (888)
                  II  I    IIII   I  II         o88  88888888 8888)
                 XII  I  II   II  I  IIX       (88      8 88 888888)
                XIII  III       III  IIIX      (8 8 8 88 88 88 8 888)
               XIIII  I           I  IIIIX      (88 8  8  8 88888888)
              II  II  I  xIIIIIx  I  II  II     ( 8 88     888 88888)
                  II  I  T  T  T  I  II        (8888 88 8 8 8888888)
                  II  I  I  I  I  I  II         (8 88888 888 88 88)
                  II  I  I  I  I  I  II          (8888)888 88888)
                  II  I  I II II  I  II            (8) (I8I8I) 8
       oo8888888o II  I  I  I  I  I  II                 IIIII        X
      8888888 888BII  I  I  I  I  I  IIXX                III      X XX
       88 88 88  BII  I  TIIIIIT  I  IIXXX               III     XXXXX
      888888   88BII  I    ....   I  IIXXXXXX            III    XXgXXX
     888 888888888XXXXXII    ...   IIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX        XXXXXXjXX
                         II    ..    IIXXXXXXXXXXXXXX         XXXXXXpX
      The Vietnam Veteran XII          IIXXXXXXXXXXXXX         XXXXXXX
       has relatives in the  III        IIIXXXXXXXXXXXX         XXXXXX
       Old and New Testaments   III        IIIXXXXXXXXXX         XXXXX
       who also experienced loss   II         IIXXXXXXXXX          XXX
       and grief, guilt and shame,   II         IIXXXXXXXXX         XX
       rejection and betrayal,         I          IXXXXXXXXX
       alienation and estrangement,    I          IXXXX  XX
       isolation and withdrawal.        II          IIXXXX
                                          II          IIX
      Adam and Eve tried to hide from God; II          II
      Moses, born Hebrew and raised Egyptian IIII        IIII
       searched long and hard for his real self; II          II
      Job, losing his children and all he owned,   II          II
       became sorely diseased;                       IIII        III
      Biblical Joseph was rejected by his brothers,      II         II
       lied about and imprisoned;                          I
      Peter denied Jesus.                                    II
                                                                I
      "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age"
                           Matthew 28:20
     
     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 37
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

                             WE WERE CHILDREN
                          By: Josh Schwartzbach
                   CONNECTIONS to a new age - Nov. 1990
                    PO Box 368 - Slingerlands, NY 12159
                          Input by: Pete Farias
                      NamVet's Editorial Assistant
                  Berkshire Estates BBS - Pittsfield, Ma.
                              (413) 499-1327
     
       We were children. Mostly 18-21 year olds. We were being asked to 
     make  tremendous  sacrifices for our flag and  country.  The  vast 
     majority of us had been born between 1946 and 1948. We were 3 to 5 
     years  with  the advent of television.  We watched,  and  at  that 
     extremely  impressionable point of our lives,  were imprinted with 
     the archetypes of Superman, The Lone Ranger, John Wayne.
     
       Through television and the movies we were taught that there were 
     good guys, and bad guys,  and that we were the good guys.  We were 
     taught that it is admirable to fight for what's right:  to die for 
     a  cause;  to  be  ready when your country  called.  We  were  the 
     children  that  were  imprinted with 1950's values.  We  were  the 
     children who learned morality from the Cisco Kid,  My Friend Ficka 
     and  Bugs  Bunny.  We all wanted to grow up to be heroes like  the 
     Duke  and  Audie  Murphy.  We were willing to go and die  for  our 
     country when she called: no questions asked.
     
       These  were  the  children that found themselves in  Vietnam  in 
     1967-1968. We were idealistic, fervently patriotic, and dedicated. 
     We worked 18 or more hours a day, sometimes in 100 degree heat and 
     humidity.  We suspended our personal morality.  We had to in order 
     to kill our fellow man.  We knew, because we were taught, that the
     only  time it was OK to kill was during war.  But the knowing  was 
     only part of it. Then there was the doing,  and the fear,  and the 
     constant  anticipation of your own death,  and the sudden scramble 
     to come to grips with your own internal concept of God.  We had to 
     evaluate lives that had barely lived.
     
       We  did the job,  and did it well.  We came over in '67 with the 
     country's blessing and support.   We kicked  Charly's butt  during
     Tet of '68.  We felt good.  We had acted heroically.  The military
     newspaper "Stars and Stripes" was our main channel of information. 
     But  they neglected  to point out the growing  number  of  student
     demonstrations,  the  burgeoning  Peace Movement,  the  change  in 
     attitude of a growing number of Americans,  the growing opposition 
     to the war.  We were innocent.  We all thought we were heroes.
     
       There  was a superstition over there,  that if you were going to 
     get  hurt,  you  would get it during your first two weeks or  your 
     last  two  weeks.  For  me  it was the  latter.  The  details  are 
     unimportant, just suffice it to say that I found myself flat on my 
     back, with a broken leg, headed for home,  with absolutely no idea 
     what was transpiring in the "world" I had previously occupied.
     
       Now,  you  may think that a broken leg is nothing to  celebrate, 
     but  I was going HOME two weeks early,  and in my way of thinking, 
     it  was worth the price.  From the 18th EVAC Hospital in Qui Nhon, 
     to  the  249th  General Hospital in Japan,  to  St.  Albans  Naval 
     Hospital  in Queens,  I patiently waited for my leg to heal enough 
     so  that  I  could have my first weekend pass and  experience  the 
     
     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 38
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

     world again, first hand.
     
       It  was  November of 1968.  The change of seasons that year  was 
     gentle  and slow.  The week had been warm and the weekend promised 
     the same. There were still leaves on some of the trees, and for me 
     things couldn't have been better.  I felt great!  My leg was close 
     to  being  healed,  just a short walking cast and a cane.  It  was 
     Saturday,  the first day of my weekend pass.  I was resplendent in 
     my uniform. My skin was deeply tanned.  There could be no doubt in
     anyone's  mind from whence I had come.  My attitude?  Well,  I was 
     walking on air, and why not?  I had just given a tough year for my 
     country. I met the devil and looked him square in the face.  I had 
     done some things that had affected me to the core of my being, but 
     I was OK. The folks back home would make it OK.  They would pat us 
     on the back and say, "Job well done, boys.  Job well done."  After
     all, we were heroes, weren't we?
     
       So  out I went.  I took the train into New York City,  cabbed to 
     Port Authority,  and grabbed a bus to Albany.  If you've ever done 
     any extensive bus traveling between New York City and Albany,  you 
     know  there  is  the choice of two  big  carriers.  Trailways  and 
     Greyhound,  and  if  you're  very,  very lucky you get to  ride  a 
     Vermont  Transit Bus.  There were only two departures per day from 
     New  York on those big,  clean,  lightly traveled buses that  make 
     their home in the Green Mountains.  And that day, there was one of
     the big green buses seemingly waiting for my arrival.
     
       The  bus  ride to Albany from New York City follows  the  Hudson 
     River  Valley  along the Hudson Highlands and the  Catskills.  The 
     road  winds along the high bluffs that flank the valley.  There is 
     one  spot near Coxsackie that overlooks a wide expanse of  valley. 
     When  we  reached that vista it was bedecked with one of the  most 
     beautiful  rainbows  that  I had ever seen.  It  was  perfect  and 
     stretched from one horizon to the other.
     
       I cried. Blubbered like a baby. It felt wonderful.
     
       Soon thereafter, we arrived in Albany.  I'd catch a cab and head 
     home  to surprise my parents.  However,  when I walked out of  the 
     doors  of  the  bus station I realized that something  was  up.  A 
     parade. It dawned on me, VETERANS DAY!!!  This could not have been 
     more perfect.  WOW!
     
       There  were  no cabs so I began to walk uptown.  The  first  few 
     people I saw looked at me in the same way as those on the bus.  At 
     first it was barely perceptible,  but soon it became clear that it 
     was  not  a welcoming look or even one of pity or concern  (I  was 
     after all wearing a cast and using a cane).  It seemed as though I 
     was some kind of pariah.  I could scarcely believe it!
     
       This parade was not for me, It was not a welcome home. It wasn't 
     even  for my war.  The rules had been changed while I was fighting 
     for freedom. Nobody appreciated what I had gone through and what I 
     had done as a matter of duty. Nobody considered what all of us had 
     done because we had been asked to, not because it was something we 
     wanted to do.
     
       These  realizations  had  a profound effect on the  next  twenty 
     years of my life, as they affect,  to this day,  the lives of many 
     
     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 39
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

     many  others like me.  We made many personal and moral  sacrifices 
     which  were not appreciated.  Many Veterans are very angry to have 
     made  so many compromises with their own,  very  personal,  belief 
     systems, morality and integrity, apparently for NOTHING.
     
       Some  of my brothers are still lost in the sauce because of this 
     rejection.
     
       Those  that saw and were forced to do horrible things are  still 
     suffering horribly.  We all feel it on some levels, even those who
     deny  it.  Many have come back to society,  but none of us  really 
     trust anymore.  In relating these things I do not intend to blame, 
     just to explain to those who have not yet understood, and to heal.  
     













































     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 40
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990



     =================================================================
     T h e   " N o t - S o - S e c r e t - A n y m o r e "   A g e n t
     =================================================================

                            Agent Orange Update
                         By:  Martin H. Kroll, Sr.
                   NamVet's Agent Orange Section Editor
                Fort Mountain BBS - Chatsworth, Ga. 30705
                            (404) 695-8703
     
     Having  been absent from the keyboard much more than I would  like 
     to have been,  I have found it difficult to complete much over the 
     past  few months.   I hope that the following Agent Orange Section 
     submissions helps make up for it.
     
     First  though,  I feel that some sort of explanation is  due.   It 
     seems that sometime toward the end of August I found that I really 
     had  more "irons in the fire"  than I could possibly tend!   Being 
     constantly busy and getting very little sleep takes a serious toll 
     on a person.   Not only does it affect one physically but it rakes 
     you over the coals emotionally as well.  With only about a week to 
     plan  and get ready for it,  I decided in early September to stuff 
     my  backpack and head for the wilderness for a 10 day vacation  of 
     silence and solitude.  An all day walk into the Cohutta Wilderness 
     area  put  me right where I wanted to be.   Miles past  the  point 
     where  motorized  vehicles are allowed and approximately 17  miles 
     from  even the closest remote homeplace,  I could hear neither the 
     sound  of car or train and save for the occasional airplane  there 
     was absolutely nothing to remind me of civilization.
     
     Ten  days  of  solitude  that  I allowed myself  to  sort  out  my 
     thoughts, relax,  and enjoy myself.   Maybe the best 10 days of my 
     life spanning many years!  During this time I watched a black bear 
     30  yards away as I enjoyed my supper on the first evening  there.  
     When  I stood up after eating she disappeared to never be seen  by 
     me  again  although I was constantly reminded of her presence  for 
     the remainder of the stay by fresh tracks and droppings.   I found 
     an  old  rotted  log during the middle of the week  that  she  had 
     ripped  apart sometime through the previous night or early morning 
     and  figured that she was scavenging for grubworms etc.   I  think 
     that I must have seen every sort of game animal native to the area 
     except for the wild boar.   I enjoyed watching a racoon flip rocks 
     in  a creek and enjoying his supper of "crawdaddies",  a beautiful 
     bobcat  came  within  20 yards of me and went on by  without  even 
     knowing that I was there.   I also watched several deer,  turkeys, 
     and even found a few beaver dams.
     
     During this 10 days of solitude it sunk into my head that there is 
     nothing  more  important  to me than my wife and children  and  my 
     home.   I  could not continue to ignore them as I had been  doing.  
     My  various  projects  had kept me so busy that I had  started  to 
     become  a  stranger in the home and pretty much inaccessible  when 
     the  family needed or wanted me to do something with them.   Since 
     returning  home all of this has changed and I will continue to put 
     my  family and home above any and everything else no matter  what.  
     I am enjoying doing things with them that we hadn't done for quite 
     a  while  and I have found a new peace of mind that I should  have 
     never had to go looking for in the first place.
     
     
     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 41
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

     This  brings  me  to the point concerning Agent  Orange  research, 
     Namvet,  and  running  my  BBS.   Of course running my  BBS  is  a 
     priority  as  well as Namvet and trying to fight the Agent  Orange 
     battle in my own way.   I have just plain cancelled out some of my 
     other  projects and activities so I hope that everyone understands 
     that  I have narrowed everything down as follows and in this order 
     of importance......  1.) Family &  Home   2.)  My income producing 
     work  3.) Running my BBS  and 4.)  Namvet & Agent Orange work.
     
     I  will try to do all that I can for Namvet and Agent Orange but I 
     have  to take the stance that I can allow only so much time for it 
     and  my  BBS.   If  family matters dictate that I spend  the  time 
     elsewhere, then that is how it must be. Otherwise,  I will be here 
     doing  what  I can.   I hope that you find the following  articles 
     useful and informative.
     
                                  Martin
     









































     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 42
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

          
          
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     NAM VET Newsletter                                        Page 43
     Volume  4, Number 11                           November 10, 1990

                SHOULD YOU BE CONCERNED ABOUT AGENT ORANGE?
                        By:  Martin H. Kroll, Sr.
                  NamVet's Agent Orange Section Editor
               Fort Mountain BBS - Chatsworth, Ga. 30705
                           (404) 695-8703
     
     Many  people  seem to pass off the Agent Orange issue with  little 
     concern about the possibilities that they may have been exposed to 
     it.   Some  tend  to  think that if they ignore it then  it  won't 
     affect them. Others are disabled and dying from exposure to one of 
     the most toxic substances known to man.  The following information 
     will  shed a little light on the subject for you just in case  you 
     are one of those who have tended to ignore the issue.
     
     This  information  was gleaned from a some rather lengthy  reports 
     and just touches upon some of the highlights.   The source of info 
     comes from:
         Report to the California Legislature Agent Orange Program
         Assembly Bill 3443, Chapter 2480, Statutes 1984
         State of California, Dept of Veterans Affairs, 1-87
         and VA, Review of Literature on Herbicides, Government
         Printing Office, October 81
     
     Agent  Orange,  as  used  in Vietnam,  was a  combination  of  two 
     herbicides:  2,4,-D  and 2,4,5-T.   These herbicides are synthetic 
     derivatives  of naturally occurring plant growth regulators  found 
     in  phenoxyacetic  acid compounds.   The first of the  herbicides, 
     2,4-D,  was  developed  in 1945 and was found to be  effective  in 
     controlling  broadleaf  weeds,  however,  it  was  ineffective  in 
     controlling  brush-type  weeds.    Researchers  from  private  and 
     government  sectors,  including  the  Department  of  Defense  who 
     studied phenoxy herbicides as a potential jungle defoliant,  found 
     that  a  derivative of these compounds 2,4,5-T,  was effective  in 
     killing the brush-type weeds.
     
     When  2,4-D and 2,4,5-T were combined they delivered a lethal one-
     two  punch by controlling broadleaf and bush-type weeds.  In 1948, 
     the   U.S.   Department  of  Agriculture  licensed  these  phenoxy 
-- 
#L.W. Jewell Moderator at the Veterans Information Site (veteran@cc.purdue.edu)#
#& WWII-L Listowner: "Sunday's horoscope is note worthy because of its strange,#
#sudden and wholly unpredictable and inexplicable occurrences, affecting all   #
#phases of life." "Your Horoscope" L.A. Evening Herald Express, Sat, 12/06/41  #