HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Yorkshire pudding (was: Short, shameful confession)
Date: 13 Nov 92 09:29:27 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: Bugs-R-Us


In article <1992Nov10.181701.12538@midway.uchicago.edu>
ecr2@midway.uchicago.edu writes:

#  I saw some microwaveable Yorkshire pudding mix in the store General
#  guess was the appearance of a cream donut, with the consistency of
#  Vulcanized rubber. 

As I said, you cannot do it in a microwave. 

pud-antically, Ken Johnson



-- 
                                  //// Ken Johnson, A I Applications Institute
Don't get off while it's moving. ////       80 South Bridge, EDINBURGH EH1 1HN
                                ////                  E-mail ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
                               ////       Phone 031-650 2756  Fax 031-650 6513
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Blood Clot Boy)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short shameful relief
Date: 10 Nov 1992 05:51:34 GMT
Organization: The International House of Secretions
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <BxGozC.A47@encore.com> kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius) writes:
*grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Blood Clot Boy) writes:
*>Finally!  Someone on "Studs" who is older than I am.
*>Mark "Lord of Bulges" Lippert 
*
*With your disingenuous taste in television, I kindly implore you to 
*become the discerning factor in my viewing habits.  Please find it in 
*your heart to guide my mind through the maze of television programs by
*recommending a visual fare for your humble apprentice.

I have become the mister HEINOUS of television viewing.


Mark "Damn!  I missed 'Blossom'" Lippert
From: kimy@cs.umd.edu (Yong-Mi Kim)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: westward ho
Date: 10 Nov 92 23:37:44 GMT
Organization: U of Maryland, Dept. of Computer Science, Coll. Pk., MD 20742



so, like, um, if USAir doesn't go bankrupt in the next two months, I'll,
um, be in, like, Chicago, from Dec. 23 to Jan. 5, hanging out with my
brothers and eating way too much, and um, I dunno.  So, like, if you have
any ideas, you know, send me email.  I mean, ideas as to what else I should
do while I'm in Chicago, yeah, that's it.  Oh yeah, and also, where can I
locate a copy of Sandman while I'm there, and uh, whatever's happened
to Milk & Cheese?


yong-mi
what being a TA for a freshman-level CS course can do to you
From: grendel@canetoad.UUCP (Rage y Romance)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Eenie, Meanie, Miney, Moe.
Distribution: world
Date: 6 Nov 92 23:21:19 EDT
Organization: The Satellite of Love


He crouched in front of his television set staring at the 
two men.

No.

Now, he could see there were three of them. One of them
kept flickering; a bright flame and then a tiny light.

Um. All three lied and begged.

One was earnest.

One was old, tired and blind.

One was Midas.

The earnest one begged in C minor; soothing and melodious.

He dipped his index and middle finger of his left hand in
the shallow bowl of his own blood.

He smeared it over Midas's solid gold, face and watched him 
drop to all fours and lope away.  

All he had done was put the stench of diamonds wafting from elsewhere. 
He knew Midas would follow.

He dipped the thumb of his right hand into the bowl of 
salt-water and rubbed it into the blind man's face.

He watched him slowly dry up and blow away.

He dipped his tongue into the bowl of warm, spicy honey
and licked the face of the last one left.

"May you be sweet and pleasant and may the spice burn you 
should you be sour."

He turned the television off and watched the last one shrink
to a small star in a sea of black.

"Hm. My third eye.", he murmered and then went to sleep.

--
"I could stand and watch him die or | ...uunet!canetoad!grendel
 I could help him...why is this so  | canetoad!grendel@uunet.uu.net
 tough a choice?"
From: echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Observation
Date: 8 Nov 1992 18:55:23 -0800
Organization: <censored>
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: girtab.usc.edu


    Only a Nazi like Karl Karcher would associate with a spoiled egotistical
    loser like Happy Star.

Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:37298 alt.slack:3049
From: roy%cybrspc@cs.umn.edu (Roy M. Silvernail)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.slack
Subject: Re: Interfaith marriages
Date: Sun, 08 Nov 92 15:33:23 CST
Organization: Villa CyberSpace, Minneapolis, MN

cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton) writes:

> *  Some shipping and handling charges may apply.

Just about $20, I'll bet.

> **  May be cancelled without notice.  Offer not good after curfew in 
>     sectors R & M.

Bobdamnit!  They never come up into the hills!
--
Roy M. Silvernail --  roy%cybrspc@cs.umn.edu - OR-  cybrspc!roy@cs.umn.edu
                         "I'm a model citizen."
                                      -- Warren Zevon
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: dvacca@nyx.cs.du.edu (David Vacca)
Subject: Re: Short Shamful Anxiety
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 92 21:30:14 GMT

In article <1992Nov9.163802.12219@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> rwd4f@poe.acc
Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson) writes:
>
>you know, guys (can i call you 'guys'? i think of you as my friendz!@!)
>sometimes when the world seems a bit too weird for me and i am wrapped
>up in a blanket on the couch muttering obscenities to myself, i find
>myself wishing that real life was more like Chutes and Ladders and all
>those other super-cutesy board games where nothing really bad ever 
>happens.
>


     Real life (TM) is really an awful lot like Chutes and Ladders.
Of course, I always lost at Chutes and Ladders as a kid.  I never
got beyond square 30, unless it was to set myself up for that
monstrous chute that starts way up around square 75 or 80 and 
brings you down to something in the teens.
     In real life, this chute holds down a job as the phrase "Why
can't we just be friends?" and moonlights as an IRS examiner.
Yeah, it moonlights.  Things are tough all over.
     Some of the other chutes have also found real-world jobs as
well.  One, for example, is now the concept of hearing the Beatles
as Muzak.  The ladders are all unemployed.

---
David Vacca, Just an Excitable Boy.
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short Shamful Anxiety
Date: 10 Nov 1992 23:49:35 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: mamba.cs.berkeley.edu

In article <s70vlpk@zola.esd.sgi.com> cj@sgi.com writes:
>
>The English version, I am told, is "Snakes & Ladders".

Something _not_ to think about during your next trip.

c
and we're not talking heathrow, here
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: decisions, decisions revisted
Date: 12 Nov 1992 16:27:11 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov

In article <s8gv268@zola.esd.sgi.com> cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
> 12 Scott Dorsey F F talk.bizarre: T F ; .

She just does this so she doesn't have to wade through my interminable
ramblings in comp.sys.sgi about how the automounter frequently loses track
of what filesystems are mounted and which aren't.
--scott
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh)
Subject: Short Shameful Carasso
Organization: Cornell Theory Center
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 21:47:53 GMT

I miss the old guy. 

mdw

-- 
Matt Welsh    mdw@tc.cornell.edu        +1 607 253 2737
Systems Programmer, Cornell Theory Center
  "She's like jelly roll, like sculpture!"
From: gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Craig Shergold)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: long shameless insomnia
Date: 13 Nov 92 01:06:26 GMT
Organization: The Pontifex Portable Thunderbox and Collapsible Flush Company
X-Mailer: mail-news 2.0.3

I haven't had a good night's sleep since finding that Radio Solent 
rebroadcasts the World Service between midnight and milk-delivery. /
Haeeeyyygh Feeedeliteee.  End of the World news in glorious VHF.  /
It's just like being back in Berlin again.                       / g
___
I suppose it is really for them lot overseas on the Isle of Wight.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Subject: Re: A little knowledge is a dangerous thing
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 21:39:31 GMT

In article <1992Nov12.165350.14234@macc.wisc.edu> heim@vms.macc.wisc.edu (JOHN HEIM	) writes:
>Last year Wisconsin lead the nation in literacy and cannibalism.
>
>JGH
>
>PS.  If you're ever in Wisconsin and you get pissed off at someone 
>don't say "Eat me."

The correct quote, of course, is:
	A little learning is a dangerous thing.

Oh, and that's *known* cannibalism.  Perhaps elsewhere people get away
with it.

Mark., net.pedant and net.annoyance today
gooley@netcom.com
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:37000 alt.net.personalities:24
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.net.personalities
Subject: My postbag this morning
Date: 6 Nov 92 11:26:40 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,misc,test,alt.net.personalities
Organization: Bugs-R-Us


This morning the new `C&A Compliments' Catalogue arrived in the post. 
The blue-eyed, blonde girl who models their underwear and stockings is
delicious.  She looks as if she is about eighteen.  There are lots of
photographs of her slender hips wrapped in brightly coloured, skimpy
panties, and one stunning full-length shot in bra, suspender belt,
panties and stockings.

On the other hand, the brunette who models the brightly-patterned
sweaters looks as though she is about to eat a live human being without
anaesthetic.  She models some other clothes as well, and always has the
same carnivorous facial expression. 

The other thing that came in the post was a credit card bill.  I now
have 2,012 pounds to pay off at 27% APR before my contract expires in
July.  Oh, and a letter from the bank advertising a 250 pound cheque
guarantee card, which you can have if you maintain a minimum bank
balance of 5,000 pounds.  They must be joking.  Even the man who puts
the leaflets into the envelopes must realise that if I had a minimum
bank balance of 5,000 pounds I wouldn't live in Pilton. 

post-traumatically, Ken Johnson






-- 
//// Advice To Dieters:         ////  Ken Johnson, A I Applications Institute
////   Never Eat More Than      ////       80 South Bridge, EDINBURGH EH1 1HN
////   You Can Carry.           ////                 E-mail Ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
////              -- Miss Piggy ////     Phone 031-650 2756  Fax 031-650 6513
From: kontos@clipper.ingr.com (Thorne Kontos)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: 429 articles and nothing on...
Date: 12 Nov 92 19:47:33 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Intergraph Advanced Processor Division - Palo Alto, CA

This morning the newsfeed sprang back to life with a vengeance.
The spew was moist, like used coffee grounds left to sit all day.
As I waded through the mire, I came to a grim conclusion.
There was something hideously Norwegian lurking behind it all.
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: IN FLAGRANTE INSECTAE
Date: 7 Nov 1992 20:50:02 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: mamba.cs.berkeley.edu

In article <1dh3s7INN4qc@uwm.edu> terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (St Theresa of the Net) writes:
>In article <1992Nov5.225058.26941@ultb.isc.rit.edu> adw3345@ultb.isc.rit.edu (A.D. Williams) writes:
>>Trivia- My body fat % on 11/4/92 - 21.7% (measured at the clinic).
>
>Charming. According to a list of measurements published in the US ARMY
>FITNESS TRAINING PROGRAM or some such nonsense, i'm at about 22% myself,
>which is extremely unusual[...]

Unusual?

UNUSUAL?

Podungles.

I, ma'am, have 70% of my mass invested in body fat.

Granted, I don't carry it around all the time.  I don't FLAUNT it.
That would be unseemly, ungentlemanly, and unchristian.  Like
driving my motorcycle through a crowd of cripples.  It may be legal
but it is most definitely caddish.

I keep it in the closet and feed it a bowl of lard every day.
It is docile and quite friendly.  It is good fat.

Sometimes I let it out to play with guests, but only people I
know well.  You never know.  One time I wasn't careful enough,
this guy stopped by with his girlfriend, nice guy but the girl
was a total airhead fuckwit, you know the type - month later he
wised up and dumped her, smart move in my opinion - and the ditz
actually tried to PET it.  What a stupid bitch.  I could have
slapped her.  "Look, lady," I said.  "You don't pet fat, you
SQUEEZE it."

c
From: mcelwre@cnsvax.uwec.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: UFO EVIDENCE VS. Carl Sagan
Date: 5 Nov 92 00:58:27 GMT
Organization: University of Wisconsin Eau Claire


          
          
                           UFO EVIDENCE VS. Carl Sagan

               I watched all of Dr. Carl Sagan's updated "Cosmos" 
          programs on PBS during summer 1991.  In one of them, he STILL 
          maintains that there is no physical evidence for UFO 
          Spacecraft, "just stories". 
    
               I should think that by now he would have heard about the 
          Roswell Incident in which UFO WRECKAGE and ALIEN BODIES were 
          found on a ranch (in New Mexico, I think), gathered up by the 
          U.S. military, and hidden away in an Air Force hanger 
          somewhere.  The wreckage included materials NOT KNOWN on 
          Earth, and some of it even had ALIEN SYMBOLS written on it.  
          All of this was witnessed by many People, both civilian and 
          military.  A couple of years ago, the TV program "Unsolved 
          Mysteries" showed an excellent segment about the incident. 
    
               The Roswell Incident illustrates a serious problem here.  
          Whenever there IS physical evidence of a UFO Spacecraft, the 
          military always confiscates it, using "national security" as 
          an excuse, and then ACTS LIKE THE MAFIA toward the finders 
          and other witnesses by THREATENING them if they don't keep 
          silent!  (They did it to the rancher in the Roswell 
          Incident.) 
    
               I wonder if Carl Sagan has been pressured by the 
          government into continuing to make negative public statements 
          about UFO's.  It's too bad that so many people accept his 
          pronouncements without question.  He may very well be another 
          case of THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND. 
       
               This is supposed to be a FREE country.  FREEDOM OF 
          SPEECH is guaranteed by the highest law of the land.  The 
          government (and its military) is supposed to be of, by, and 
          for The People, NOT the other way around.  People need to 
          know THE TRUTH about EVERYTHING in order to intelligently 
          participate in the democratic process.  It is an ORGANIZED 
          CRIME for the government to withhold or suppress information 
          and physical evidence of UFO's from us. 
    

               UN-altered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this 
          IMPORTANT Information is ENCOURAGED. 


                                   Robert E. McElwaine
                                   B.S., Physics and Astronomy, UW-EC

                                                            
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh)
Subject: Re: highway riding
Organization: Cornell Theory Center
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 04:46:55 GMT

In article <1992Nov8.012932.25069@wetware.com> mlegare@wetware.com (The Steel General's Batsman) writes:
>mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh) writes:
>] This would be much more dramatic with a form feed (^L) in between the
>] first "dear don" and the second "DEAR don". 
>
>if you can't utilize the ascii capability 
>of a simple SCREEN TERMINAL
>to communicate your intentions
>(with space)
>(with visual     					pacing)
>then you're just not up to speed yet.

It's got nothing to do with screen terminals. This is merely for the benefit
of those reading on a teletype. The waste of paper provides added dynamics.


mdw

-- 
Matt Welsh    mdw@tc.cornell.edu        +1 607 253 2737
Systems Programmer, Cornell Theory Center
  "She's like jelly roll, like sculpture!"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius)
Subject: LOVE SONG FOR CHELSEA CLINTON
Organization: University of Central Florida
Distribution: talk
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 18:54:27 GMT


they say you're moon-faced like your dad
they call you ugly kid
but I know you'll turn out moist and firm
just like your mother did

chelsea, oh chelsea
tell dad I'll have you home by ten
chelsea, oh chelsea
let's lose these secret service men

let's break into the oval office
and break the statutory law
you're thirteen, i'm twenty-six
that's not so odd in Arkansas

chelsea, oh chelsea
i'll love you like no farm boy can
chelsea, oh chelsea
let's lose these secret service men

-------------------------------------------------------
mark schnitzius           |  seeking songbook for the
schnitzi@eola.cs.ucf.edu  |  clash's "london calling".
univ. of central florida  |  does one even exist?
-------------------------------------------------------
From: mathew <mathew@mantis.co.uk>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: I'm so lazy
Date: Fri, 06 Nov 92 14:07:25 GMT
Distribution: world
Organization: Mantis Consultants, Cambridge. UK.

rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) writes:
> You gotta understand that my health care is totally free. No deductable,
> no co-payment. Any drugs are similarly free.

That's nice.  Can you get me some LSD?  I gather the military experimented
with it, so they should still have some knocking around.


mathew
-- 
This disclaimer does not represent the views of Mantis Consultants Ltd
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Operating Systems Theory (was Re: Linguistic Theory (was Re: Semiotics Theory ... ))
Date: 9 Nov 1992 18:48:50 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: viper.cs.berkeley.edu

In article <BxFqnC.EuA@nic.umass.edu> zgilbert@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Zvi Gilbert) writes:
>
>At some level, meaning decomposes into smaller particles and clusters.
>Her deep structure.  Projection of a tree, moving x-zero, x-max, leaves traces.
>His surface structure.  Interpretation of the empty categories, governed,
>and together, bound.  His edges are phonetic form, her scope is logical form.
>
>              Together they move all alpha.  They violate no island 
>              constraints; no, they are generated freely.  Morphemes,
>              phonemes accrue in their positions, in their ways. The clause is
>              performed, obscuring their underlying competence.

The virtual memory subsystem integrates fluidly into the buffer cache.
Threads move through the system, diving in and out of kernel space,
reemerging to serve.  In the swapper, an actor laughs.  Every day the
garbage is collected, and returns to the surface of the onion with neatly
swizzled bits.  No fault is found.

	Atop, the moby whale.  Voluminous and segmented.  The right
	hand sends urgent messages to the left, but is ignored; in
	the culling bin, a stack of tails five pages high.  Text.
	The bus is trapped.

c
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mlegare@wetware.com (Dr. Robert (BoB) Tech)
Subject: Talk.Bizarre membership cards & clues
Organization: Cappo Ferra 6
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 08:11:00 GMT



t.b membership cards are still available (and if you've already asked
for one don't worry, it's in the makings... i got a whole membership
package going)

clues are no longer being manufactured at the original site.  therefore,
limited clue distribution is in effect until i find another way to make
them.  

still taking orders,
BoB

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: john@lightning.ofps.ucar.edu (John J. Allison)
Subject: PRO/CON: new office
Organization: Office of Field Project Support, UCAR, Boulder
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 22:58:44 GMT

The Office of Field Project Support (where I work) moved this week.

PRO                                 CON

New, recently remodeled office.     My old office was also new and
				    recently remodeled. Plus, I still
                                    share an office with another student.

I can park closer to the door.      I no longer have a window and so
                                    can't watch the trains.

I have *lots* more workspace.       I do not have a desk drawer with
                                    a pencil tray.

I have room to wheel around the     I have nowhere to prop my feet
office in my chair.                 up when sitting at my desk.

The bathroom has liquid soap        The soap dispenser doesn't
instead of gritty powder.           work very well.

The bathroom has controllable       The floor of the bathroom is
hot and cold water instead of       sloped for drainage but not built
a single push-button on a spring.   very well, so it feels like I'm
                                    walking in a fun house with a
                                    shifting floor.

My office is no longer next to      My office has a back door and thus
the stairs and elevator that        has become the main thoroughfare
service most people on that floor.  for people sneaking out.

I know who sneaks out and so I      I'm just a student and nobody
have blackmail material.            would believe me.

The temperature is uniform and      The control doesn't seem to do
well regulated.	                    anything.

Still have news access.             Have to change the Organization
                                    line manually.

-- 
, jja
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Rictus Decides Not To Buy a 486
Date: 8 Nov 92 01:52:06 GMT
Organization: UC Berkeley CS Dept.
NNTP-Posting-Host: mamba.cs.berkeley.edu

"I'm waiting for Heptium."

c
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.cesium,alt.non.sequitur
From: mike@elec.canterbury.ac.nz (Cosmik Debris)
Subject: Re: My Favorite Molecule (or, Short Shameful Addiction)
Organization: Electrical Engineering, University of Canterbury, New Zealand
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 03:52:45 GMT

In article <1992Nov5.233737.13594@tc.cornell.edu>, mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh) writes:
> My favorite molcule:
>    C H  N O
>     8 10 4 2
>                      O         CH
>                      ||       /  3
> 	   H C       C       N:
>             3  \   /   \   /   \
>                  N       C       C - H
>                  |       ||    //
>                  C       C -- N
>                //  \   /
>               O      N
>                      |
>                      CH
>                        3
> 
> The first person to identify this friend of mine gets to be a regular character
> in at least my next 3 stories. Please post your responses for real 
> entertainment value.
> 
> mdw

It looks like chewing gum to me!

-- 
Cosmik Debris --- "I owe money, therefore I am!"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre