From: c150-bt@po.berkeley.edu (Manish Vij)
Subject: Re: Parental authority
Organization: University of California, at Berkeley
Distribution: na
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 04:17:08 GMT

In article <1992Sep29.190132.16644@cbnewsi.cb.att.com> alok@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (alok.vijayvargia) writes:

(tearing himself away from work long enough to reply... :-) )

>Q.1 Is the child deeper immersed in the host culture than the parents ?
>
>Parents have lived in the New World culture at least as long
>as the child since the child either came with them from the Old World
>or was born here.

Yes, but IA children participate in the culture; II parents spectate.

>If the parents made an effort to understand the host culture by virtue
>of reading about it, observing it first hand, or via their interaction 
>with the natives here at work on neighborhoods around them, or by sitting 
>down with school authorities, or by going to school functions etc., they 
>would have as deep a knowledge of the host culture as the child, perhaps 
>even deeper.

Most II parents I know understand American culture in their own Indian
cultural context.  They may be aware of general features of American-ness,
but it is not an understanding or an appreciation any more than Americans
understand Japanese culture.  Here, too, is a case of knowing the superficial
features of a culture without truly understanding it.

This is not argument for argument's sake.  I really have not come across
many II parents who understand Americans or what being American is, better
than their children do.

I call them II parents because they're more like transplanted Indians in
America than hyphenated Americans.

There are, of course, exceptions, and I commend them.  Can you comprehend
and appreciate what others see in something you are not particularly
fond of? If so, you are probably more tolerant and probably understand
other people better than most.  Can you see why an IA kid may grow
his hair long?  Why an IA female may like dating non-Indians?  Why IA's
may like American music and dance styles?  What does a drunk see in
his bottle of bourbon?  What does a hippie see in her crystals and
flowery slogans?

Lack of open-mindedness, lack of tolerance, is the feature I am most
put off by in II people I meet.

>Q.3 Doesn't the child understand the specific context of the decision 
>better than the parent ? Would the child not make better decision then ?
>
>Not necessarily. Child does know about the 'local' context but does not 
>necessarily understand the 'larger' or 'global' context. Child may not
>understand all the pros and cons of making a decision because
>his/her ability to think and analyze situations rationally is not fully 
>developed. Alternatively s(he) just doesn't have the 'global' data. 
>
>A child is subject to temptation. Child may be approached from individuals
>who may not have the best interests for the child in mind. Child may
>yield to such approaches because of limited knowledge about the world
>and consequences of certain actions. A parent by virtue of having
>dwelled in the world longer may be able to foresee such consequences 
>and prevent the child from falling in 'traps'.

Of course; that's a major duty of being a parent.  However, as I stress
one more time, parents frequently do not have a solid understanding of
their children, their decisions, this culture, the general context in
which the child lives.  This is because they are not open-minded enough,
living in America, to really listen to or understand their children.
You've observed that I'm willing to discuss cross-cultural issues.  Many
the net.arguments I've had ad infinitum with my parents.  They rarely
budge.  This is specifically because a feature of Indian culture is the
conservativeness and lack of tolerance which I abhor.

In sum, of COURSE children are children, not all-knowing or fully
mature.  In the specific Indian-American context, I am pointing out
major problems which have arisen in IA homes.  I am not the only one who
feels this way.

>Alok

Manish
                                          /-\o /-()  -- -  --   -
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Newsgroups: alt.culture.us.asian-indian