From: francis@ircam.fr (Joseph Francis)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Get Fat! Re: Exercise (Was Re: ... laundry?)
Date: 6 Apr 92 11:44:50 GMT
Organization: IRCAM, Paris (France)

In article <ktuviqINN5e1@mizar.usc.edu> adolphso@mizar.usc.edu (adolphson) writes:
>In article <launder@vadier.gr.osf.org> 
>emcmanus@gr.osf.org (Eamonn McManus) writes:
>> Ailsa N.T. Murphy <IO81409@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes:
>> >p.s. yes, i realize that this has little to no motss-relevance,
>> >but really, does it have any relevance to ANY newsgroup?
>>
>> Obviously you should have asked in comp.laundry.  Don't you know anything?
>
>Although my friends accuse me of spending half my waking hours at
>the laundromat, I know next to nothing about removing stains.  I'd 
>suggest you dye the sweater.  (Comp.laundry!  Now there's an idea!)
>
>My question will have lots of motss-relevance.  I am currently attempting
>to get myself in shape (I have my reasons), but I loathe gym-type exercise.
>I thought that one thing I might do instead would be to walk whenever
>possible and to stop using elevators.  This I have done, but the results
>have been less than satisfactory.  I have shed excess pounds, not that
>I had all that many to lose, and I have built up stamina, which might come
>in handy, but that is all I've accomplished.   Of course I realize that 
>walking will do nothing for my 12" (flexed) biceps -- no, that wasn't a 
>typo -- but shouldn't it do something for me somewhere?  I now weigh in
>at a frighteningly unmuscled 145 pounds (I'm 5'10") and my waist is 29".
>Does anyone out there have any suggestions for what I can do?

1) There is no exercise more bodybuilding than repeated motions of
Haagendaz-rootbear-float-to-mouth. Down. Up. Down. Up.

2) Broken Pepperidge-Farm "Killer Deluxe" cookies have no calories;
so, you can eat a bag of regular cookies and a bag of broken cookies
and not feel so much like a pig. Snort.

3) The only way to combat problems supposedly induced by generous 
meals of steak & fries, Maigret de Canard with fine orange sauce,
rabbit pate and a baguette (I know, roughing it), is copious quantities
of red wine.

4) Get into Versailles. It is a Cuban restaurant on La Cienega. When I
was doing a lot of bodybuilding, it was perfect: Gym/grab 5
magazines/Versailles.  You can get a whole roast chicken (with garlic
and Cubano spices like you wouldn't believe), black beans, rice,
bread, fried plantains, and an incredibly sugary and fat cocoanut and
unnameable fruit softdrink for $8. Lots of celebrities go there, one
of the "biggest secrets" in Hollywood.

5) Drink beer instead of hard liquor. That means Chihuahua instead of
Margaritas.

6) "Everthing tastes better when it sits on a Ritz". Truly. These
aren't crackers, they are butter bullets in your cholesterol grave.
What a way to die...

7) Junk-Food! PopTarts; Funyums; Cheetos (think of Madonna's message
in "Desperately Seeking Susan); Cheeze-Whiz (on a Ritz, of course);
Nature-Valley Granola Bars (total sugar and fat orgy food; has so
little to do with ordinary health food I'm surprised it isn't called
"Eat yourself Senseless and Fart Up A Storm"); Canned Tamales; All
Stouffer's Microwavable foods (especially the "French Bread Pizza",
which even boggles my junk-food mind: instant-cooked instant-cooked
food? what next: microwaveable pre-cooked popcorn? microwaveable
toast? heat-and-serve crackers?); Screaming-Yellow-Zonkers; Ruffles;
Any non-diet cola; Slim Jim's; virtually any food from "Hickory Farms"
in your favorite freeway-close mall;

8) A certain Jewish deli-restaurant in a certain area on Fairfax;
Chicken Kreplach; Matzo-ball soup; Dr. Brown's Cream Soda; Meatloaf;
Patty Melts; Club Sandwitches; 24-hour-a-day bakery; always a festive
if not actually crazed-manic atmosphere; pickled beets with cream;
mashed potatos with a pat of butter floating in its own melt-pool,
rivulets of gold running down the sides. Bagels and creamed herring.
Bagels and Creamed Cheese. Poppyseed bagels. Salt bagels. Onion
Bagels... Nurturing food.

Eating is an exhausing activity, and you must prepare yourself for it.












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