From: spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
Newsgroups: misc.misc
Subject: Re: READ THIS NOW!!!! MAKE MONEY FAST AND LEGAL!!!!!!!!
Date: 14 Aug 92 16:17:27 +1200
Organization: University of Waikato Computer Centre

In article <01GNJRCAZPLS00013T@ksuvxb.kent.edu>, LEGGETT@KSUVXB.KENT.EDU (Rob Leggett) writes:
> DON'T DELETE THIS FILE! IT WORKS! FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS AND YOU WILL
> BE RICH! DO NOT DOUBT, DO NOT DELAY!

How can I refuse an offer like this.
> 
>  Dear Friend,
Shit, and I thought I knew all my friends.  Well, I'll need an address for
your xmas card...

>      My name is Dave Rhodes.  In September 1988 my car was
>  reposessed and the bill collectors were hounding me like you
>  wouldn't believe.  

Oh, I don't know - I think I would believe

> I was laid off and my unemployment checks had run out.  The only escape I
>had from the pressure of failure was my Apple computer and my modem.  

Well, that and playing "Lucky Lobotomy" with a couple of street punks and a
.44 calibre handgun

>I longed to turn my advocation into my vocation.

But not a vacation

>      This January 1989 my family and I went on a ten day
>  cruise to the tropics.  

"They left me behind"

>I bought a Lincoln Town Car for CASH

Shit!  The master stroke.  I used to buy all mine for driving

>  in Feburary 1989.  I am currently building a home on the
>  West Coast of Florida, with a private pool, boat slip, and a
>  beautiful view of the bay from my breakfast room table and
>  patio.  

And a dribble pit.  I've got to have a dribble pit.

> I will never have to work again. 

So nothing's changed then

>Today I am rich!  I have earned over $400,000.00 (Four Hundred Thousand Dollar

[This is in case any of you can't handle digits]

>  to date and will become a millionaire within 4 or 5 months.

If I can only hold onto Pall Mall, Mayfair and all the railroad stations.

>  Anyone can do the same.  This money making program works
>  perfectly every time, 100% of the time.  I have NEVER failed
>  to earn $50,000.00 or more whenever I wanted. Best of all
>  you never have to leave home except to go to your mailbox or
>  post office.

Or the outpatients clinic, to get your daily lithium dose

>      In October 1988, I received a letter in the mail

Fuck me, this is getting good, *mail!*

>  telling me how I could earn $50,000 dollars or more whenever
>  I wanted.  I was naturally very skeptical and threw the
>  letter on the desk next to my computer. It's funny though,
>  when you are desparate, backed into a corner, your mind does
>  crazy things. 

Yep, I remember back in '88 I was sick of getting messages like this, so I
did a desperate thing, I posted a message to alt.sex saying "anyone want
pictures of my 18-year old blonde sister in the nude" to the net with the
message posters email address attached.  Just crazy

>I spent a frustating day looking through the want ads for a job with a future. 

Wanking in public places for instance.

> The pickings were sparse at best. 

"And that was just my nose!"

>That night I tried to unwind by booting up my Apple computer and 
..  Whacking off into encyclopedia brittanica on all the rude words

>All at once it came to me, I now had the key to my dreams.

SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FACE AT CLOSE RANGE WITH A GLUE GUN!

>        I realized that with the power of the computer

... with a clock speed in the hundreds of cycles a second

> I could
>  expand and enhance this money making formula into the most
>  unbelievable cash flow generator that has ever been created.

Or maybe not

>  I substituted the computer bulletion boards in place of the
>  post office and electronically did by computer what others
>  were doing 100% by mail.

What, getting things late?

>  Now only a few letters are mailed manually.

Like the one to my solicitor, saying I'm bankrupt and mentally unstable
The one to my parole officer, saying I can't come today, I've got no dirty
pictures.
The one to my mother saying i *really* love her
The one to Mother Theresa, offering her sexual favours
The one to Van Gogh with someone's ear in it as a replacement
..

>Your dreams will come true.

What, even the one with Me, Elle, a tube of evostick and some kitty litter?
Hmmm

>                           Sincerely yours,
(Send me money)

>  
>  INSTRUCTIONS Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you
>  will have received well over $50,000.00 cash, all yours.

	1. Rob a bank.

>  This program has remained successful because of the honesty
>  and integrety of the participants.  Please continue its
>  success by carefully adhering to the instructions.

There goes the bloody evostick

>  
> Welcome to the world of Mail Order!  This little business is
>  a little different than most mail order houses.  Your product
>  is not solid and tangible, but rather a service.  You are in
>  the business of developing Mailing lists.  Many large
>  corporations are happy to pay big bucks for quality lists.
>     (The money made from the mailing lists are secondary to the
>      income which is made from people like yourself requesting
>      that they be included in that list.)
>  
> 
   1)  Immediately mail $20.00 to the first 5 names listed below starting at
	number 1 through number 50.  Send cash only please (total investment
	$100.00). Enclose a note with each letter stating: "Shit I'm a dick-
	head, here's 20 bucks, don't ever send me anything or do anything for
	me.  It's a gift to you for no reason.  I like you Simon."
>  
> 
	1. S. Travaglia, P.O. Box 13018, Hamilton, New Zealand
	2. S. Travaglia, P.O. Box 13018, Hamilton, New Zealand
	3. S. Travaglia, P.O. Box 13018, Hamilton, New Zealand
	.
	.
	.
	49. S. Travaglia, P.O. Box 13018, Hamilton, New Zealand
	50. S. Travaglia, P.O. Box 13018, Hamilton, New Zealand

Sucess Stories:

	"2 weeks ago, I didn't know how to spell fuckwit; now I are one!"
	"It changed my life.  I'm a woman now"
	"Get fucked and send me money"
	"I killed my dog for the insurance"
	"Who are you"

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This signature was created using RoboSig, the errorfree sigmaker.
Simon Travaglia, spt@grace.waikato.ac.nz, Uni of Waikato, P B, Hamilton, NZ
Disclaimer:  The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author
and have no bearing his work or employers (but his teddy agrees with him)
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Champagne is the only wine a woman can drink and still remain beautiful.
                                        -- Mme. de Pompadour
Newsgroups: misc.misc,misc.jobs.offered.entry,misc.test,alt.test