From: glass@devl.fnal.gov (Michael Glass)
Subject: Acres of Discount Family Values
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-a4  
Reply-To: glass@devl.fnal.gov
Organization: Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory
Distribution:  chi
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 23:02:04 GMT


                         F A M I L Y   V A L U   D A Y S

                                       at

                             W H O P P E R   M A R T


             1000s of Election Season Bargains for the whole Family!


        -- BACK-TO-SCHOOL SAVINGS on stationery, clothing, Bibles.
             Crosses 30 - 50% off!
             Theme Books (Christian themes only) only $2.48 - $5.89!
             Arnold Schwartzenegger lunch boxes now only $7.98!

        -- Beautiful FAMILY PORTRAITS now only $8.99!
             Portraits include Father, Mother (slightly shorter), and
             two children.  Extra children at no charge.

        -- Trillion $$$ in TAX BREAKS, PRICE SUPPORTS, and PORK.
             Guaranteed NOT TO BUST YOUR BUDGET! (*)

             (*) Terms and conditions to be revealed after 1/21/93.

        -- Pre-Season savings on HALLOWEEN MASKS and COSTUMES!
             Ted Kennedy . . . . . . . . . . now only  $7.99
             Pat Schroeder . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  6.99
             Hillary Clinton . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10.99
             Saddam Hussein  . . . . . . . . . . . . .  8.99
             Welfare Mother  . . . . . . . . . . . . .  5.99
             Assorted other Democrats  . . . .  25 - 80% OFF!
             Liberal Media costumes  . . . . .  30 - 80% OFF!

        -- MOTHER - DAUGHTER matching OUTFITS, now only 9.99 - 18.99! (*)
             (*) Proof of marriage required

        -- Your choice of QUALITY SCHOOLS! (*)
             Color -- YOU CHOOSE!
             Religion -- YOU CHOOSE!
             Sex Education -- YOU CHOOSE!
             Creationism -- YOU CHOOSE!
             Value of PI -- YOU CHOOSE!

             (*) Prices not yet determined, but guaranteed to be less
                 than existing public schools.

        -- 88 pc plastic DAN AND MARILYN DOLL SET, now only $22.88! (*)
             Includes plastic replica of Air Force 2, his 'n her offices
             with two copies of all important documents, Indiana National
             Guard uniform, aggressive young speechwriters, assorted
             Secret Service agents, and more!  (Clothes for 11.5" dolls
             will fit.)

             (*) DAN doll slightly irregular.

        -- 1000 pc plastic GEORGE AND BARBARA DOLL SET!  Includes Golf
             Set, vacant lot in Texas, three strands of pearls,
             Kennebunkport house w/ speed boat, Marine 1 helicopter,
             assorted banks and oil companies, sleep aids and thyroid
             pills, Secret Service agents, children and grandchildren (*)
             and much more!

             (*) Offspring sold separately.  Collect the complete set!

        -- Heartwarming, lovable, BUCHANANSTAIN BEARS CHILDRENS' BOOKS
             only $2.17 each!

             The Buchananstain Bears Meet a Non-Judeochristian
              "        "         "   and Too Many Homosexuals!
              "        "         "   and the Liberal Media
              "        "         "   in the Cultural War

        -- BIG SAVINGS on discontinued items:
             James Baker World Travel Kit, includes passport, Mid-East
                  proposals, dictionary, field guide to world leaders
             Syrian Dictator Mask   (replaced by Iraqi Dictator Mask)
             Drug-Loving Mexican Pres. Dart Board   (replaced by NAFTA)
             Environmental Protection Agency
             Education President coloring books
             Sam Skinner / John Sununu / Dick Thornburgh action figures
             Anita Hill Halloween Mask   (not scary enough)

        -- 1000s more items at BIG DISCOUNTS


                             W H O P P E R   M A R T

                       10 Acres of Discount Family Values


-- Michael Glass / Reva Freedman
   glass@adcalc.fnal.gov

Newsgroups: chi.mail