HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: jd@dickens.com (Joseph A Dudar)
Subject: Re: Credit Validation
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 16:23:21 GMT
Organization: Dickens Data Systems, Inc.

In article <NAEEM.92Dec30195605@occs.cs.oberlin.edu> naeem@occs.cs.oberlin.edu (Naeem Mohaiemen) writes:

. . .

>------
>But there is a difference between the scenario where an American tourist
>goes abroad and "sounds stupid" to people in India and an Indian immigrant
>living in the Bronx who gets called names such as "Ali Baba" as he goes
>to work every day.
>

Try some research into primate behavior.  Introduce new members to any well
established group and there will be some turmoil while the new dominance
hierarchy is established.  Hazing is human.  It happens at very small scales
and very large ones.  A kid moves into a new neighborhood and catches hell
for a few weeks until his tolerance level and abilities are established, and
he forms alliances.  A new group of immigrants arrives in our melting pot
and catches hell for a few decades, etc.  At least the 'Ali Baba' namecallers
are being somewhat civilized in there adherence to -symbolic- ordeal.  I can't
imagine that if I were to try to permanently relocate to India that the
situation would be any different.

BTW, during my first year in college, while I was trying to insinuate myself
into acceptance by various elite circles of academia, one of my worst
tormentors was an Indian.  He was not above ridiculing my physical appearance
or manners of speech in an effort to keep me in my place, beneath him.  We
ultimately became good friends, after several months of hell.

-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joseph A. Dudar  |  Help?  He doesn't need help, he needs hindrances:  if he
jd@dickens.com   |  has to climb over enough of them, he might inadvertently
Atlanta, GA      |  fall on top of her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And of course, my opinions may not coincide with those of my employer.  TBTG
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gvg@hplvec.LVLD.HP.COM (Greg Goebel)
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 15:06:10 GMT
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Organization: Hewlett-Packard Co., Loveland, CO
Newsgroups: rec.humor

In rec.humor, mam18@jaguar.uofs.edu writes:

> You are too selfish (as all Americans, BTW)!  
>
> Michael Martynov.

Hey, what did I ever do to you?  Am sitting here minding my own business and
causing no one any distress. 

If shooting, open eyes and aim first ...

   Wile E. Coyote at the Acme Online Support Organization For The SouthWest

                     "ACME -- The Name You Can Trust!"
--
 +----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
 |                               DISCLAIMER                                   |
 +----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
 |   Who cares what I think?  I don't take MYSELF seriously, why should you?  |
 +----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
 | Greg Goebel                             NET:     gvg@hpislsup              |
 | Hewlett-Packard                         HP DESK: GREG GOEBEL               |
 | VXD Marketing                           PHONE:   Telnet/303 679-3424       |
 | POB 301 / MS-CU326 / Loveland CO 80539  FAX:     Telnet/303 679-5957       |
 +----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mzimmers@netcom.com (Michael Zimmers)
Subject: Re: ACCOUNTING JOKES
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login: guest)
Date: Fri, 25 Dec 1992 02:08:41 GMT

In article <uDRuVB1w165w@cybernet.cse.fau.edu> panton@cybernet.cse.fau.edu (Thomas panton) writes:

>hello out there.  i was wondering if anyone out there has some good 
>accountant jokes.  i myself am an accounting grad student, which may be 
>considerred a joke by some.  i appreciate any jokes.  thanks in advance.

Two guys go up in the air in a balloon.  They hit some really dense fog
for awhile and when it finally clears, they're in some strange land with
no clue where thay are.  They see someone on the ground, and yell to him:

"Hey -- where are we?"

To which the man on the ground replied:

"You're up in the sky!"

One balloonist turns to the other and says, "He must be an accountant.
His answer was absolutely correct -- and no help whatsoever."



-- 
Michael Zimmers                                    |  Home:  408 996 1984
SoftHelp                                           |  Work:  408 996 1965
Software Solutions for Open Systems                |  Data:  408 996 1974
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: nicholso@pioneer.arc.nasa.gov (Melvin H. Nicholson YBH)
Subject: Re: a puzzle
Organization: NASA Ames Res. Ctr. Mtn Vw CA 94035
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 20:47:52 GMT

Attributions deleted to protect the guilty.

>>>>How do you make up 35 cents with 2 coins? Piece of cake, right?
>>>>
>>>>But can you do it if one of the coins is not a quarter?
>>>
>>>Sure - one of the coins must not be a quarter for $.35 to be
>>>made of only two coins. Cute, pal.
>>
To the second poster: no, if you use a quarter and a dime, then one of
the coins (the dime) is not a quarter.

To the first poster: this is rec.humor.  the group you want is called
alt.puzzles.anal-retentive

=======================================================================


From: barryg@hplsla.hp.com (Barry Gunn)
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 20:48:17 GMT
Subject: Re: TV axioms
Organization: HP Lake Stevens, WA
Newsgroups: rec.humor

>/ hplsla:rec.humor / garrett@Ingres.COM (REACH OUT AND GREP SOMEONE) /  5:40 pm  Dec 10, 1992 /
>	Here's an abbreviated list of TV axioms:
>
>1) If a women is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
>2) Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased
>   by a crazed maniacal killer.
>3) Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
>4) Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
>5) Good guys are always outnumbered.
>6) Teenagers who have sex will die in grotesque ways.
>7) There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
>8) Good guys always win (of course).
>9) The good guy always gets the women.
>10) Sex, murder, and mayhem is a way of life.
>11) Good guys are the only ones that have a sense of humor.
>12) Crazy people are always dangerous.
>13) Cars will explode in all accidents, no matter how slight.
>14) If you jump hundreds of feet into water, it will always be deep enough.
>15) The head bad guy is always smart. The guys who work for him 
>    are always stupid.
>16) <insert yours here>
>
>
>	I will compile a list if you email me.
>		Garrett@Ingres.com
>
>
>----------
 
16) In a car chase, someone always hits some poor street vender's cart.
17) When someone gets in a car and hesitates starting the 
    engine for any reason, that means someone bad is in the back.
18) Likewise, if the camera shows the key being turned in the ignition,
    the car will explode.
19) While on the subject of cars, if someone get out of a car at night,
    they always leave the lights on. Why is that?
20) If the good guy has to prowl around in the dark with a flashlight,
    he will eventually turn around and shine it behind him while walking
    backwards. Just to be grabbed on the shoulder from behind, usually by
    another good guy (for shock effect).
21) Bad guys get up immediatly after getting kicked in the groin 8^*.
22) Everyone knows how to pick locks, and they use just one tool (need 2).

Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes
From: naeem@occs.cs.oberlin.edu (Naeem Mohaiemen)
Subject: Re: Credit Validation
	<NAEEM.92Dec29104546@occs.cs.oberlin.edu> <C0192x.KyB@cs.dal.ca>
Organization: Oberlin College Computer Science
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 00:45:21 GMT
X-Posted-From: occs.cs.oberlin.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: sol.ctr.columbia.edu

In article <C0192x.KyB@cs.dal.ca> franklin@ug.cs.dal.ca (Steve Franklin) writes:


   In article <NAEEM.92Dec29104546@occs.cs.oberlin.edu> naeem@occs.cs.oberlin.edu (Naeem Mohaiemen) writes:

   >In article <1453700022@igc.apc.org> Skip Vogt <skip@igc.apc.org> writes:

   <>   This reminds me of a story told by a colleague of mine who was on an
   <>   airplane one day seated next to someone whose native language was not
   <>   American English.
   <>-----
   >Although true stories, passing around anecdotes like this "for a laugh"
   >further enhance stereotyping of "foreigner"s as speaking "funny english".
   >
   >Naeem Mohaiemen

      Well Naeem, I think it has to be pointed out that a lot of foreigners do
   speak "funny english". I speak funny french. Should I be offended if someone
   points out that my accent is about as appealling as nails on a chalk board?
   No, of course not. 
----
Steve, you raise a legitimate point. But, I am unable to take such things
as lightly. Do you get attacked for your different-ness? Of course not?
Indians/South Asian do get attacked in this country and elsewhere. That is
why it is so mich harder for us to "chill out" and laigh at ourselves when 
the jokes are made about our difference. Certainly, i don't desire that we
lose our accents and assimilate. But, our difference is used as a device 
to separate us by racist gangs in this country. This board has civilized,
educated people who are really just having a laugh and not meaning anything
by it. But out on the streets of urban cities, these jokes have a very 
different context.
 
In New Jersey, there is a gang of white skinheads who specifically formed
to attack Indians in the area. They call themselves the "Dotbusters"
(after the dot Indian women wear as ritualistic make-up on their foreheads).
The have killed Indians in the area. One of their heroes is a band called
Stormtroopers Of Destruction (SOD), because of a song called "Speak English
or Die". Here is an excerpt:

"What is that dot on your forehead for?
 Does it help you to see?
 Speak English or die"


-naeem Mohaiemen
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I think there is a good deal of evidence that we thought all along that we
 were a redeemer nation. There was a lot of illusion in our national history.
 Now it is about to be shattered."
		[Reinhold Niebuhr on My Lai massacre]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: tes0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (THOMAS EDWIN SCHMIDLIN)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: unlikely ship names
Date: 2 Jan 93 19:38:18 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <19119@mindlink.bc.ca>, Robyn_Clark@mindlink.bc.ca (Robyn Clark) writ
es:
>...well for starters, Canadian naval vessels have the prefix H.M.C.S. (Her
>Majesty's Canadian Ship) NOT M.C.S.
>
>   So how about H.M.C.S. Unsinkable II...
>

How about the one from the "Top Gun" spoof "Hot Shots"?  The S.S.  Essess
-- 

Tom Schmidlin
TES0@LEHIGH.EDU
215-758-0875
From: bunny@asterix (Bunny Hargreaves)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: q
Date: 24 Dec 92 15:50:29 GMT
Organization: Informix Software, Inc.
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL3

gout
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: murali@emily.polymer.uakron.edu (Murali Cotah)
Subject: Do it!
Organization: Institute of Polymer Science, University of Akron
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 23:57:07 GMT

Keywords: 

>>|---------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|                              |                                            |
|  Jim Brezina                 |               Gold's Law:                  |
|  Yr 1 HCCE                   |                                            |
|  Wilfrid Laurier University  |       If the shoe fits...It's ugly.        |
|  brez8986@mach1.wlu.ca       |                                            |
|                              |                                            |
|---------------------------------------------------------------------------|
>>
u forgot
"Whores do it for money"

cotah
From: turnert@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Crimson Labia)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Santa
Date: 24 Dec 92 05:33:56 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: fester@island.COM (Mike Fester)
Subject: Re: Credit Validation
Organization: /usr/local/rn/organization
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 20:30:24 GMT

In article <NAEEM.92Dec30194521@occs.cs.oberlin.edu> naeem@occs.cs.oberlin.edu (Naeem Mohaiemen) writes:

>Steve, you raise a legitimate point. But, I am unable to take such things
>as lightly. 

Well, that's what this group is all about. The title 'rec.humor' is there merely
to confuse the literate. Fortunately, you saw right through that clever ruse.

>Do you get attacked for your different-ness? Of course not?
>Indians/South Asian do get attacked in this country and elsewhere. That is

Serves 'em right for being different.

>why it is so mich harder for us to "chill out" and laigh at ourselves when 
>the jokes are made about our difference. Certainly, i don't desire that we
>lose our accents and assimilate. 

Thank God. Then there wouldn't be anyone to take cheap shots at.

>But, our difference is used as a device 
>to separate us by racist gangs in this country. This board has civilized,
						 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>educated people who are really just having a laugh and not meaning anything
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

At last! The ObHumor in the post.

>by it. But out on the streets of urban cities, these jokes have a very 
>different context.

Idea for a new group; rec.humor.urban.streets. Unmoderated, of course.
 
>In New Jersey, there is a gang of white skinheads who specifically formed
>to attack Indians in the area. They call themselves the "Dotbusters"
>(after the dot Indian women wear as ritualistic make-up on their foreheads).
>The have killed Indians in the area. One of their heroes is a band called
>Stormtroopers Of Destruction (SOD), because of a song called "Speak English
>or Die". Here is an excerpt:
>
>"What is that dot on your forehead for?

It means the coffee's done.

> Does it help you to see?

Naw, keeps you in your place (at least in India, where it's a "good" or 
"cultural" thing). 

> Speak English or die"

And especially learn to understand the word "freeze".

>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>"I think there is a good deal of evidence that we thought all along that we
> were a redeemer nation. There was a lot of illusion in our national history.
> Now it is about to be shattered."
>		[Reinhold Niebuhr on My Lai massacre]
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kill 'em all. Let God sort 'em out." - anonymous Marine

My apologies to anyone I haven't offeneded. I'll try to get around to it, I
promise.

Mike
-- 
Disclaimer - These opinions are not so much opinions, as pearls of wisdom. Any-
one disagreeing is obviously either a) a snivelling, whining, mentally-
deficient, weak-willed, inconsequential, namby-pamby tool of some vague but
conveniently defined conspiracy, or b) my wife.
From: kdq@quest.UUCP (Kevin D. Quitt)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Little known technological firsts
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 92 18:16:45 PST
Reply-To: srhqla!quest!kdq
Organization: Job quest  (805) 251-8210,  So Cal: (800) 400-8210

dheisler@CERIS.Purdue.EDU (Dave Heisler) writes:
> Little Known Famous Firsts in the History of Technology

    Don't forget Alexander Graham Kowalski - the first telephone pole.


 _
Kevin D. Quitt      96.37% of all statistics are made up.     srhqla!quest!kdq
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
From: ssd@eos.ncsu.edu (Srikant Sridevan)
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Originator: ssd@agni.psrc.ncsu.edu
Reply-To: ssd@eos.ncsu.edu (Srikant Sridevan)
Organization: North Carolina State University, Project Eos
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 06:02:20 GMT


In article <168C414921.HAUGLAND@NUACVM.ACNS.NWU.EDU>, HAUGLAND@NUACVM.ACNS.NWU.EDU (Laurie Haugland) writes:
> Xref: taco rec.humor:98605 soc.culture.soviet:14012
> Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
> Path: taco!gatech!darwin.sura.net!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!news.acns.nwu.edu!NUACVM.ACNS.NWU.EDU!HAUGLAND
> From: HAUGLAND@NUACVM.ACNS.NWU.EDU (Laurie Haugland)
> Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
> Message-ID: <168C414921.HAUGLAND@NUACVM.ACNS.NWU.EDU>
> Sender: usenet@news.acns.nwu.edu (Usenet on news.acns)
> Nntp-Posting-Host: nuacvm.acns.nwu.edu
> Organization: Northwestern University
> References: <1gij2mINNqsl@agate.berkeley.edu> <1992Dec15.174310.23288@cs.brown.edu> <GOROKHO1.92Dec15162921@husc10.harvard.edu> <1gll2kINNfl7@agate.berkeley.edu> <roelle.724709206@uars_mag> <krz.725004586@scorpion.ac.cowan.edu.au>
> Date: Tue, 22 Dec 92 00:24:06 EST
> Lines: 28
> 
> In article <krz.725004586@scorpion.ac.cowan.edu.au>
> krz@cowan.edu.au (K.WOZNIAK) writes:
>  
> >
> >roelle@uars_mag.jhuapl.edu (Curtis Roelle) writes:
> >
> >[ text in Russian deleted]
> >
> >>Bu Lhel, qba'g or fhpu n cevpxyrff nffubyr.  Whfg jevgr lbhe tbqqnza fuvg
> >>va Ratyvfu, bx?
> >
> >>Bcvavbaf ner abg gubfr bs rzcyblre, pyvragf, be pyvrag'f phfgbzref.
> >
> >>Curt
> >
> >Monolingualism is curable.
> >
> Qu'est-ce qu'il veut dire? :-).
 
Enda K.WOZNIAK , adhu Rot13innu puriyilai, unakku? ;-)

Yensoy,
Srikant
From: banerjee@hsc.usc.edu (Samit Banerjee)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Credit Validation
Date: 31 Dec 1992 16:45:52 -0800
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: hsc.usc.edu

>In article <NAEEM.92Dec30195605@occs.cs.oberlin.edu> naeem@occs.cs.oberlin.edu (Naeem Mohaiemen) writes:

>>But there is a difference between the scenario where an American tourist
>>goes abroad and "sounds stupid" to people in India and an Indian immigrant
>>living in the Bronx who gets called names such as "Ali Baba" as he goes
>>to work every day.

I do not know why Naeem has to be so prudish about the whole affair. Looks 
like he is raising a storm in a tea cup. And to top it all, Naeem is *NOT*
even from India, he is from Bangladesh.

People from that part of the world, like myself, will tell you that language
jokes abound in India. Hell, with over 30 languages and over a 1000
dialects we would have to be perfect not to find faults with someone else's
language or let them find fault with ours. Bengali's are often berated
for not speaking Hindi with the proper accent, the great North-South divide
allows North Indian chauvinists to infuriate the Southerners for not 
knowing the national language and of course the Sikhs get the brunt of 
the jokes. I could go on but I think you get the picture. Linguistic and
ethnic jokes are as common in the subcontinent as they are here. So please,
lets stop this bull about the persecuted minority and the effect a joke
on rec.humor will do for ethnic relations. 


To all of you out there, stop being apologetic. And Naeem, GET A LIFE. 
Rec.Humor is not the be-all or end-all of your existence. So 
descend from your "holier than thou" moralistic high horse and learn to 
laugh once in a while. And if you still insist in lauching your "jihad",
try the talk.politics newsgroup hierarchy for a change.

Sorry if I took up too much space, but the point needed to be made.


Samit


-- 
Samit Banerjee,			    |  
University of Southern California   |  A man who smiles when things go wrong,
Internet: banerjee@scf.usc.edu      |  has found somebody to blame it on.
Bellnet : (213) 342-1401            |
From: muspratt@qut.edu.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: LIMERICKS 
Date: 23 Dec 92 17:12:06 EST
Organization: Queensland University of Technology

There was a young lady in white
Who could travel much faster than light
She set off one day
In a relative way
And came back the previous night!



A mosquito was heard to complain
That a chemist had poisoned his brain
Asked how this was so
He replied, "Dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane!"      (DDT)
Xref: sparky rec.humor:36931 soc.culture.soviet:11394
From: tobac@ub-tky.UBSPD.CO.JP (Bach Frederic)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Date: 22 Dec 92 10:02:52 GMT
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: UBS Phillips & Drew Int'l Ltd., Tokyo

In article <168C414921.HAUGLAND@NUACVM.ACNS.NWU.EDU> HAUGLAND@NUACVM.ACNS.NWU.EDU (Laurie Haugland) writes:

>>>Bcvavbaf ner abg gubfr bs rzcyblre, pyvragf, be pyvrag'f phfgbzref.
>>
>>>Curt
>>
>>Monolingualism is curable.
>>
>Qu'est-ce qu'il veut dire? :-).
 

hitotsu dake no kokugo o shabereru to, kore wa, naoseru byoki to iitai to
omoimasu.
-- 
    __  _    
** ||_ /_| **   Fred "I'll be" Bach               (tobac@ub-tky.UBSPD.CO.JP) 
** || /__| **   [Je suis athee, Dieu merci.]          Tel. 813-3597-1595
From: mckeonj@ul.ie
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: In the beginning
Date: 22 Dec 92 14:31:06 GMT
Organization: University of Limerick, Ireland

In article <18683@mindlink.bc.ca>, Robyn_Clark@mindlink.bc.ca (Robyn Clark) writes:
> In the beginning there was nothing, and God said, "Let there be light" and
> there was light.  There was still nothing, but now you could see it!
I'm puzzled. How could you see nothing - you don't exist yet?
-- 
"If England sleeps, shall Ireland dream?" : Se/an macEoin
-------------------------------------------------------------------
John McKeon, Material Science Dept. University of Limerick, Ireland
From: glazier@isr.harvard.edu (Andrew Baker Glazier)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: A statue for Bush
Date: 31 Dec 92 15:21:16 GMT
Organization: Harvard University, Cambridge, MA

>>Dear friend,
>>
>>We have the distinguished honor of being a committee to raise
>>five million dollars for placement of a statue of George Bush in
>>the Hall of Fame in Washington DC.
>[...]
>
>This from the "I know you are but what am I" school of humor, no
>doubt.  C'mon, isn't it just the slightest bit obvious that the
>person who wrote this took "Clinton Statue Comittee", replaced
>"Clinton" with "Bush", "Jesse Jackson" with "Richard Nixon",
>and "Democrat" with "Republican"?
>
>The sorry thing about it is that the "author" forgot to replace
>"Roosevelt" with "Eisenhower".
>
>I hope that this is not a sign that we as a nation are getting so
>politically numb that we can even tell the difference between
>Republicans and Democrats anymore. :-(
>
"WHAT difference?" ---
                   anyone with experience of political systems outside this
country (US)

-- 
"A horse! A horse! Somebody give me a horse, man, because|glazier@ 
I come to bury this dirtball, not to praise him. Whaddya |harvard.isr.edu
think I am? Whether it's nobler for the mind to make people suffer with all
these totally outrageous arrows arrows for a fortune, or what!" -- D.R.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: fester@island.COM (Mike Fester)
Subject: Re: Credit Validation
Organization: /usr/local/rn/organization
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 20:39:32 GMT

In article <NAEEM.92Dec30194853@occs.cs.oberlin.edu> naeem@occs.cs.oberlin.edu (Naeem Mohaiemen) writes:

>I am pointing out that as a South Asian immigran/international student, I 
>don't appreciate these jokes.

How 'bout this one then. 

A guy gets kidnapped and taken to another planet. There he is rescued by a 
female alien, who looks remarkably like E.T. The two fall in love, escape
back to Earth, and decide to get married. The man decides to introduce his
true to his father. His father gets mad and yells "How many times I gotta 
tell ya?! don't bring home no South Asian immigran/international students!"

Mike
-- 
Disclaimer - These opinions are not so much opinions, as pearls of wisdom. Any-
one disagreeing is obviously either a) a snivelling, whining, mentally-
deficient, weak-willed, inconsequential, namby-pamby tool of some vague but
conveniently defined conspiracy, or b) my wife.
Newsgroups: rec.humor