HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: HJ46@lafibm.lafayette.edu (Baboo (Holton, Jeffrey))
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: RE: A question...
Date: 26 Jul 92 17:53:55 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University
Originator: news@lafcol

In article <pierre.711827535@manning> pierre@cs.UAlberta.CA (Pierre Honeyman) writes:
>
>So the question is:
>
>What exactly is a date anyways?
>I have some definitions but I am not sure how apt they are:
>
>1) It is a fruit.

Yah, true, but unless it is seedless it is very uncomfortable, but the
sunkist ones sure are sweet.

[two other reasonabe definitions deleted.]

>Others I don't know about.  My friend at work believes it's not a date
>unless you kiss after it, I don't buy that.  But that got me thinking, is
>it a date if only one of the people thinks it is?

Hmmmm...that's a problem if that's true.  I've been going out with
Jennifer exclusively for 8 months (well, 15 if we want to get
technical...) and I haven't kissed her yet.  Does that mean we
haven't been dating?

[In answer to the obvious question...I have no lips.  No, no, just
kidding.  Long story...please don't ask.]  =)

Anyway, if only one person thinks it's a date, it's probably not.  One
observation I've made about relationships of any sort (be it exclusive,
friendship, parenthood, etc...) there has to be some sort of consensus
and agreement.  Even if it's not vocally admitted, there needs to be a
common stand between the two people.

>I would like it to be a date, but I don't know if the thought occurred
>to my friend.  Anyways, I'm going to ask her either when we go out or
>before hand, depending on when I call her next.
>
> Pierre

It's good that you're asking her though.  That takes a step closer to
that mutual understanding.  By the way, your definition #3 (which I
deleted) was a decent one.  If that's the case with her, I'd say be
real careful about hurting either yourself or her, but go ahed and go
out.  (Actually, I'd probably give that advice in most cases.)

--J.
hj46@lafayacs.bitnet

"BITNET:  We'll get it there.  We can't say when, but we'll get it
there."
Xref: sparky alt.romance:10295 talk.bizarre:23242 misc.test:8922
From: cfar@lambda.msfc.nasa.gov (Carol Farquhar)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,talk.bizarre,misc.test
Subject: Re: oh, puh-leeze...(was: ed is lord)
Date: 24 Jul 92 17:46:29 GMT
Organization: NASA/MSFC

nelson@eastrg1.cray.com (Christine Nelson) writes:

>i don't know about all the other women of the world, but i for one
>am sick and tired of men assuming that whenever a woman gets upset, she
>must have PMS.  men are allowed to act like witless bastards at will,
>because they're MEN, and they're not responsible...it's the 
>testosterone.  but women?  nope...they're supposed to remain like  
>mrs. brady, or mrs. cleaver, or mrs. cunningham (now aren't they
>realistic role models?  chee-yah, right).  

Ditto!!

Carol


-- 
Carol Farquhar-New Technolgy,Inc    = "The degree of a peoples civilization is
Huntsville, AL                      =  reflected in its attitude towards 
cfar@lambda.msfc.nasa.gov           =  animals."
Opinionated ravings are all mine!
From: lm89@ecs.soton.ac.uk (McIlhoney L)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: confused by physical contact, need advice
Date: 28 Jul 92 13:05:02 GMT


Basically what you need is a proper intimate, close relationship,
and your realtionship with this girl will not fully satisfy that.
It will be WONDERFUL for short periods and sheer hell in between.

Do you really want to join a long chain of boyfriends that she's
got?  Become part of an entourage?

Trust me, you will lose your self-respect, and you will not care
until one day, one day, she gets a full time boyfriend and you will
be on the scrapheap.  And when that happens, if not before, you will
snap inside, possibly lose your temper and make demands, and the
two of you will be enemies.

Why not just keep her as a vague friend and find yourself a relationship
which will be good for you?

The other (slightly less healthy) way is to carry on, but use her just
as she is surely using you.  Make sure she does not become all-important
and give her only what you get back - at least this way you can still
keep some self esteem.

I'm speaking from experience, and while this means I know whereof
I speak, it could also mean I'm biased, so also bear that in mind!

But I know a woman who toys with men like this, with whom I became
physically dependent for warmth and friendship, who (at the time)
showed she didn't really care, and I thought pretty much as you have,
that I could just take the leftovers from her other friends, kiss
and cuddle her occasionally, and be happy.

Six months later, partly because of jealousy but MOSTLY BECAUSE I CARED
WHAT SHE DID WITH HER LIFE, and I knew of certain things she was
hiding from her friends, we argued.  I found it impossible to watch
the way her life was going and keep quiet, and eventually, because
she didn't value my opinion, I just erupted.  We're barely talking
now, because those same structures are in place.

I have moved on (after a long period of self-punishment, which ended
in my being diagnosed as suffering from trauma) and I'm now going
out with someone for whom I don't care quite as much, and I think
my new SO understands this, but it's still not entirely healthy.

Anyway, what I guess I am saying is - don't give yourself to someone
whom you KNOW will never give themselves to you.  At first, this
sounds selfish, but it isn't.  One-way loving is unhealthy for them
as well as you, because even if you don't think that way normally,
you will expect something back, deep down.  And there are psychiatrists
who will back me up here.

--
Lawrence McIlhoney, The University of Southampton, Electronics Dept.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: pierre@cs.UAlberta.CA (Pierre Honeyman)
Subject: A question...
Keywords: date
Organization: University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 17:52:15 GMT


	I have a quick question, last night at work, I was talking to
a friend.  The subject came up about the fact that I was going out on
Saturday.  Well she asked me if it was a date, and I honestly had to
stop and think.  I am going out with a friend from work, and we have
gone out before.  But before when we went out, it was after work and just
as friends, this case was different, I called her at home and asked her
if she wanted to go out (normally we just decide to go out after work
which is fairly common where I work).

So the question is:

What exactly is a date anyways?  
I have some definitions but I am not sure how apt they are:

1) It is a fruit.  

2) When two people go out with the purpose of seeing if they could be
   romantically interested in each other.

3) When two people go out who already are romantically interested in
   each other.

Others I don't know about.  My friend at work believes it's not a date
unless you kiss after it, I don't buy that.  But that got me thinking, is
it a date if only one of the people thinks it is?

I would like it to be a date, but I don't know if the thought occurred
to my friend.  Anyways, I'm going to ask her either when we go out or
before hand, depending on when I call her next.

	Pierre
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: HF.JLN@forsythe.stanford.edu (Janet Newman)
Subject: Re: A question...
Organization: Stanford University, California, USA
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 17:10:28 GMT

In article <1992Jul23.032659.18204@leland.Stanford.EDU>,
underdog@leland.Stanford.EDU (Dwight Joe) writes:
>In article <1992Jul22.233840.3096@morrow.stanford.edu>
>HF.JLN@forsythe.stanford.edu (Janet Newman) writes:
>>...
>>Pierre:  My favorite definition of a date is:
>>
>>A planned event where she showers (gets fixed up and stuff..) and
>>he pays.
>>
>>Have fun on your "date"!  Janet
>
>That's sick.
>
>What about the pathetic guy who doesn't have a penny?
>
>However, realistically, I think that you are right, Janet.  That
>is the usual procedure in most cases.  If I were a woman, I suppose
>that I too would use the criterion of (1) high education,
>(2) height, and (3) _high_ income.
>
>After all, who the hell wants to go out with a pathetically poor
>dumb midget?  <sigh>
>

Dear Underdog:

I'm sorry if my definition of a date hit a raw nerve.  You
took it upon yourself to expound on it in way I didn't
mean, but I'll respond to you here:

Sounds like you've had some rough experiences, but there are
women out there who enjoy being paid for - even if it's just the
$1.75 movie at the Old Mill or an ice cream after a game of
tennis. Creativity goes a long way when the pocketbook gives way!

You'll have to talk to God about your height - I believe that
everyone has something "special" they're given to deal with. But
I also know that there are some short women looking for short
men.

And well, the high education...There's something to be said
for being compatible.  You must already understand this since I
see you're at Stanford.  Everyone here is totally bright, yes???

Don't give up,

Janet
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: regan1046@bestsd.sdsu.edu (MARCEL SCHWANTS)
Subject: Re: love  or gibberish?
Summary: easy, killer 
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1  
Organization: San Diego State University - Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 23:42:00 GMT

In article <1992Jul24.115605.14130@husc13.harvard.edu>, peregrin@husc13.harvard.edu                 writes...
>In article <1992Jul24.054452.18502@newsroom.utas.edu.au>, u924185@postoffice.utas.edu.au writes:
>> Hi all,
>> 
>> This is my first posting to this news group, so I'm a little shy ;-)
>> 
>> Why does falling love with someone transform one into a gibbering,
>> half brain death, yet emotionally energised individual?
>> 
>> There is a young, female on campus who just fries my brain when
>> I see her, but I am just terrified to walk up to her and say Hi!
>> 
>> I think she is just perfect, but this makes me all the more insecure
>> about myself.
>> 
> 
>	Well, love certainly makes you go to pieces, but I don't think
>it is love yet if you haven't been able to talk to her.
>	Unless it is love at first sight, which is debatable...
> 
>	As for advice, you could do the hit-and-run approach: get off
>one sentence and then beat a hasty retreat.  You might think she would
>think this was strange, but if you are successful, you'll end up laughing
>about it afterwards.
>	But I would avoid thinking she is perfect.  No one is and she is
>just a human.
> 
>-James
> 

 Buddy, some good advice: get to know her personality first; talk to her.
 I've met many physically-attractive babes before at first sight, then was
 disappointed when conversations turned out to be like talking to a hyper,
 10 year-old on medication, or someone with the attention span of a cesspool
 gnat. Be yourself, be real, and if her personality is half your description
 of the perfect girl she may be, give it a try. I just hope YOU have the 
 personality to do it. :)

 Marcel, 
 the Boy Wonder
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: oliva@julian.uwo.ca (Chris Oliva)
Subject: Re: Pre-breakup vibes 
Organization: University of Western Ontario, London
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 13:34:07 GMT

In article <tokorhon.711960620@messi.uku.fi>, tokorhon@messi.uku.fi (Tommi Korhonen) writes:
|> Stephen Quan writes:
|> >Chris Oliva writes :
|> >> I was having a great relationship with a girl in Toronto, I live about
|> >> a 2 hour drive West in London, when all of a sudden things went to hell!
|> >> [rest of article omitted...]
|> 
|> >Dale Robert Burnett replies with :
|> >>dump her
|> 
|> >Is it *that* simple???????????
|> 
|> Nope, but it might be everything left to do...
|> -- 
|> 
|> It's Tkorho above there, at tokorhon@messi.uku.fi
|> "The Black Crow of love"

Unfortunately it was the only thing left to do. Read on ....

  There's been an unhappy ending to this story already. Last night my
  ex-girlfriend called me and our conversation turned into an
  argument.

  I told her I wanted to know if we're still going to see each other
  and she said "No, it's too hard and I'm not willing to make the
  effort." My translation -- You are not worth the effort.

  This could be taken as an insult by certain sensitive people (me)
  so I said "Well f*ck you" (not quite in those words) and that
  was the end of that.

  I realize that LD relationships are difficult but I believe that in
  our case it would not have existed at all if we did not believe
  it was only temporary. 
  I guess she was one of these people who did not want to rely on 
  future plans. Waiting a little while was too much to ask of her.

  Either that or the long distance aspect was just an excuse in which 
  case she is a bitch. Oh well, live and learn .....
From: tlr@penguins.East.Sun.COM (Tammy Roncadori - Administrator Sun Washington D.C.)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Cologne (was Re: male sex appeal)
Date: 21 Jul 1992 16:22:35 GMT
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
Distribution: world
Reply-To: tlr@penguins.East.Sun.COM
NNTP-Posting-Host: penguins.east.sun.com

>How RUDE!  What an ASSHOLE....
>-- 
>Ed Carp, N7EKG	

I think it is VERY rude to get off the subject also and that person is a 
major ASSHOLE....  I do believe the article revolved around cologne, not
flaming smokers.  If you don't like cigarette smoke, start a thread where
appropriate otherwise, keep your feelings to yourself.  Thank you very
much Mr. Carp.


Tammy


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: tedwards@wam.umd.edu (technopagan priest)
Subject: Re: Ideas and suggestions on long distance relationships.. PLEASE?
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Distribution: na
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 18:18:57 GMT

In article <1992Jul22.151115.10521@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu> daw@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu (Dave Webb) writes:
>relationship.  We live about 3 to 3.5 hours away from each other and plan on 
>spending as much time as we can together.  I'll be looking to hear what you
>have to say.. you can e-mail or post here.  I REALLY appreciate it!

Well, get her net access, and either use the talk program, or let her
telnet into your account and write to one another on your system.

It's suprising how nice a
<snuggle>
or a
<cuddle>
can be in a LDR...

-Thomas
 resident technoshaman
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: love  or gibberish?
From: mzener@eagle.wesleyan.edu
Date: 24 Jul 92 12:23:28 EDT
Organization: Wesleyan University

u924185@postoffice.utas.edu.au writes:

> There is a young, female on campus who just fries my brain when
> I see her, but I am just terrified to walk up to her and say Hi!
> 
> I think she is just perfect, but this makes me all the more insecure
> about myself.
> 
   Take the plunge!!   Maybe you'll be shot down, but you'll never get anywhere
if you don't try.  

Max
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: romance = sex ?
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1992 18:36:44 GMT

jlewis@astro.as.arizona.edu (Jeff Lewis) writes:

: We talked and saw each other almost every day for a couple of
: weeks...and I only fell more and more in love..

Sounds good so far...

: Thats when things went horribly wrong...I had to start dealing
: with questions from my friends about my sex life...and I had

So what?  Tell them it's none of their business.  "A man never asks, and
a gentleman never answers."

: to start dealing with it myself...I maintain that romance does
: not imply sex...and it seems most people I know think just
: the opposite...arguments ensued..

Tell 'em to keep their filthy opinions to themselves. :)

: I talked to my new would be girlfriend about how I felt..and now
: I am wondering if she thinks I don't find her physically attractive.
: Which is about the furthest thing from the truth as you can get.

Don't let your a**hole buddies ruin your relationship by turning your
head away from what's *really* important.

: I guess what I am getting at is ... why am I getting all this input
: from people about how I should WANT to jump into bed this woman and
: there is probably something fundamentally worng with the relationship

Your "friends" are just plain WRONG.  They're letting their testosterone
levels do their thinking for them.

: if I don't...and she will give me the 'Lets just be Friends` if I
: don't make a move toward the bedroom...

Oh, nonsense!  She's probably feeling a bit relieved that you haven't
had the "international" syndrome (unlike most guys) - "Russian fingers,
Roman hands" ... :(

: 
: AM I missing something  here...is romance that much of a alien concept
: theses days?

Yes.  Most men are idiots, and it seems the younger they are, the more
fixated on "the little head" they are.  My best advice is to ignore them.

: 
: Jeff - the bewildered
: 
: jlewis@astro.as.arizona.edu if Jeff L. Lewis
: "Genius waits for none."
: "But stupidity hammers on a deserted building."
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/269-8125
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: ghosty@terapin.com (Noah Hanna)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Why ? Was:I don't know why I am posting this...
Date: 24 Jul 92 17:06:03 PST
Organization: BBS

Quote:
 
   I think that women have the freedom to ask too, and they should take
   it.

But it may not be a good idea because if they do this they appear less
attractive in the eyes of most men. 
-end-
Well, I, being a shy guy (not trademarked, sorry) would find it pretty
releaving if more females would take the initiative. SO if youre looking for a
shy guy, it might be a good idea to ask em out, otherwise you might be waiting
for an awfully long time...
  __     .  .     
 /_-host (/\)riter
From: lm89@ecs.soton.ac.uk (McIlhoney L)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Jimmy Nail Song
Date: 23 Jul 92 15:28:02 GMT

I heard a record on the radio today called "Ain't No Doubt" by Jimmy
Nail.

It had a refrain which went -

       "'I don't want nobody else
        But you ...'
        She's lying ...
        'There won't be nobody else,
        And that's true ...'
        She's lying!
        'Say you'll always be my friend,
        Sweet darling ...'
        Why does she pretend?"

I think this sums up why I've become such a misogynist lately.

Just a thought ...

Lawrence.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: tokorhon@messi.uku.fi (Tommi Korhonen)
Subject: Re: Help...
Date: 20 Jul 92 06:31:02 GMT
Organization: University of Kuopio, Finland

apeters@pomona.claremont.edu writes:
*** Mostly deleted, and comments added ***

>frustration came out.  He's even started being nasty to his
>friends at times, which is something I've never known him to do.
>I'm afraid that I'm losing my friend, that he is serious when
>he says that he no longer believes in love, in honesty between
>two people, when he says that he doesn't want any more women in
>his life because we're far more trouble than we're worth.

Perhaps he means it? Not all the people on this world are involved 
in real relationships. Can't he have changed? I have, and I doubt that
it is the same with him. That's life, weaks fall, the strongest prosper.

>Now I've heard people say stuff like that that right after breakups,
>but I've never felt like anyone really meant it until now.  My
>friend has changed, and it scares me.  He's been a good friend,
>and he's a good man, and I really hate to see what he seems to
>have become.  But somewhere, locked up tight, I know that the old
>him is still there. 

Yup. He's changed. And if he isn't, he will hurt  himself again. And 
again. Some of us are just like that, looking for trouble. 
At least the ones looking for female company. ( No, I GOT to add a smile
even if do not want to. :[ )

>Until all of this happened, for the several years I have known
>him, he has been a wonderful person.  He's honest and caring, he's
*** in short, he is great. ***
>only female friend he has who thinks that he is more than a woman
>could really ask for in a man.  In fact, if I hadn't already been
Hm. Sounds familiar. Indeed. Oh, that's too much for you to bear!

>deeply involved before I met him or if my marriage were to end before
>someone else gets him, I'd make a serious play for his affections.
                        ------------------------------------------
 <sigh> I am sad about that.

>him to do something he'd later regret, like a one night stand.
>But he likes people, he likes meeting new friends, and he is one
>of those rare men who genuinely likes women.  I don't think he's
>really capable of hurting someone by being callous, no matter what
>he says. 
Hurt, or get hurt. Some of us don't, then it is his undoing. As well
as mine. 

>So I have decided to help him by trying to find a woman
>who will treat him right.
Nice try. Maybe a little bit forced, but nice idea.

>Angela
>apeters@pomona.claremont.edu




-- 
It's Tkorho above there, at tokorhon@messi.uku.fi
-A Man is a nice creature: he only kills and rapes and muders,
           but what comes to the Women...
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Subject: Re: "god" made man first...
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
Date: 29 Jul 1992 00:39 EST  

In article <1992Jul28.200659.11645@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com>, puter@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com (PuterDude) writes...

>How did this thread get started in alt.romance? 

Obligatory Appropriate Newsgroup Disclaimer... 
I find humor *quite* romantic if handled properly... film at 11 ...


>Oh well, I might as well add....
> 
>Sticker seen on the bumper of a "dyke" 

I was unaware that water-retaining walls had bumpers... hmmmmmmmmm :-)

>(that's what "she" called herself)

.. and we go on to attribute `gender' to the wall... *interesting*, 'puter
> 
>When God made man, she was only joking.
> 

.. which brings us *full-circle*... wasn't *this* one one of the original 
slogans in this thread ? 

>-- 
>Puter	puter@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com	.sig by Generic Labels
>(Put obnoxious title here)		(Put phone # here.)
>(Put irritating quote here. Please make it as long as possible.)
.. and *include* a formfeed to confuse newbies... :-)

-- Stephen
 
	The smallest light offered in total darkness is a blinding
	beacon of hope.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: obrien@netcom.com (Robert O'Brien)
Subject: Re: "god" made man first...
Date: Sun, 26 Jul 92 21:07:41 GMT
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login: guest)

Perhaps this thread started with what I'm about to contribute, I wasn't
able to work back to it's origin.  

I did laugh the first time I saw this, it was a bumper-sitcker, I saw it
in Fort Worth, during the early eighties:

	"ADAM WAS A ROUGH DRAFT"


w/apoligies to any offended thiests,
	Bob
From: ghosty@terapin.com (Noah Hanna)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Moving to a small town
Date: 24 Jul 92 16:56:47 PST
Organization: BBS

Well you say that its in wilderness, maybe there's a peaceful stream or clear
meadow to picnic in...

  __     .  .     
 /_-host (/\)riter
"You're perfect yes it's true, but without me you're only you"
        -Faith no More
Newsgroups: alt.romance