From: diana@swsrv1.cirr.com (Diana Sparks)
Subject: Re: Two programs/two sponsors
Summary: AACCKKK! Control Issues! 
Organization: Software Services; Garland, Tx
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 04:29:56 GMT

In article <23642@scorn.sco.COM> joannee@sco.COM (Joanne Eglash) writes:
>
>I would appreciate some feedback on the following situation.
>I am in two 12-step programs, OA and AA.  I just met with my
>new AA sponsor.  She wants me to go to four meetings a week,
>which is fine. But, when she asked me what meetings I go to now,
>I listed my OA meetings and AA meetings. "YOU don't need OA!" she
>said. "I want you to concentrate on AA."  Now, I've been in AA

Oh dear, this got my dander up, really!  How long has this person 
been sober, anyway?  Most, if not all, drunks are cross-addicted 
(My opinion, but I've been hanging around 8 years and 10 months, 
and I try to pay attention to what I see), and it takes a lot 
of courage and effort to try to recover with all of those addictions, 
like you have done, Joanne.  

From my personal experience here:  I came into AA "through" Alanon.
Getting sober didn't mean that all my Alanon 'stuff' just went 
away, and that was more immediately life-threatening, since I 
was in a violent relationship that had just put me in the hospital, 
because I was beaten so badly.  I NEEDED Alanon, desparately, just 
as badly as I needed AA.  Concentrating on AA is very important, and 
must be my first priority, *however* those of us who have other addictions 
can have those addictions push us right on over to that first drink, 
if they are not treated.  I have seen it happen over and over, because 
those things also cut me off from the 'sunlight of the spirit.' And 
then I'm in trouble.  Bigtime!  I still need Alanon today, too. 

>AA...for four years.  I've been in OA, focusing on "grey sheet" meetings
>(also known as HOW) and weighing and measuring food according to
>that particular subset of OA, for a month.  My OA sponsor encourages
>me to do both AA and OA. 

Wise woman, that.  My AA sponsor did the same, and after knowing me 
for a while, insisted that I do both! (I was not a well person ;-)

>
>I tried to explain to my AA sponsor that I really am a compulsive
>eater, even if I look "normal" (5 feet, 3 inches tall, 120 pounds). 
>She just reiterated that I should do only AA meetings. HOW do I
>explain to her?  Or should I?  I do value her and don't want to lose
>her as a sponsor. 

Okay, some questions (all theoritical, take what you like and leave 
the rest, okay :-) )  
(1) Why do you want a sponsor you must convince(!) of your other 
addictions?
(2) She doesn't seem to be listening to you.  Has this happened 
before?  Does she remind you of any one that you have been close 
to (parent, sibling, lover, husband)?  
(3) If you do really decide that you must have her as an AA sponsor, 
are you clear on the reasons why?  Does she really have something you 
want?  Can you stand up for your OA recovery and take care of yourself 
that way with her?  Or could it be a reason to give up OA, because 
someone told you to?  (Really not trying to hurt your feelings, just 
thinking how my crazy mind works--this last thing would be like *me* 
to do).
(4) Isn't there someone who could sponsor you who has recovery in 
both programs?  (This is what I do and it is marvelous!  I, as an  AA 
woman, can not *ever* do the Alanon program the same as a straight 
Alanon, darn it! But I can do it a like a 'double winner.')


>Thanks for any input!  
>
>
>Joanne

And now for another opinion (got lots of 'em, so bear with me):
I am always concerned when I hear people say "my sponsor won't 
let me do this, my sponsor says I can't date him, my sponsor says...."
especially when the sponsoree has been sober a little while.  

I have a new manager today, and that is my higher power.  I can't 
manage my own life or anybody elses, so why would another drunk 
(just like me, unmanageable and powerless) be able to?  We are 
supposed to share our 'experience, strength, and hope,' not run 
people's lives for them.  

I recommend, if you haven't read it, that you get the pamphlet 
titled "Sponsorship."  If your AA group doesn't have it, your 
local Intergroup should, or can order it for you.  That little tract 
outlines exactly what a sponsor-sponsoree relationship should be like.
I am not in AA to be anybody's marriage counselor, lawyer, banker, 
employment person, or policeman.  I am here to share the experience 
that I have gained along the way, and to prove that there is hope, 
and recovery available.  

And I am responsible for taking care of my own recovery.
My HP gave me my life back, and I am the one who has to do the plowing,
so he can plant the seeds. 

peace, 

diana
 
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