From: delledg@uts.cc.wayne.edu (DeVaughn Elledge)
Subject: Re: Children/Larger Women (was Re: IR Dating (The Atomic Dog Speaks))
Organization: Wayne State University, Detroit Mich.
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 22:59:27 GMT

In article <1992Nov11.200343.21007@cbnewsk.cb.att.com> krw@cbnewsk.cb.att.com (keith.r.smith) writes:
>In article <1drjadINNbp1@morrow.stanford.edu> HF.GTD@forsythe.stanford.edu (Gabrielle Daniels) writes:
>>In article <1992Nov10.153448.774@cbnewsk.cb.att.com>,
>>krw@cbnewsk.cb.att.com (keith.r.smith) writes in response to mine
>>and others to this earthshattering conversation (with previous
>>stuff deleted because of course, this is getting longer than really
>>necessary):
>Agreed!
>>>>.
>Speaking as a black man who has been "around the block" once or twice
>(just turned 37), I would like to say that "my hat is off" to any man
>who becomes a stepfather.  I say this as a man who hasd dated women
>who were parents, and women who were non-parents.  Having my "druthers",
>and all other things being equal, I prefer to date women who do not
>already have children for the following reasons:
>
>        1) the child(ren) are always vying for their mother's attention
>           --- I mean, really, try to have a conversation with a woman
>               in the presence of her two-year-old..... impossible!
>>.
>>.
 		You have a point there, but the two of you should both
		understand how children are and work out a comprimise
		that suits you both.
	
>        2) if you want to go out, then getting a babysitter is one _extra_
>           logistic that you have to work out.

		As others have posted, its her responsibility to that child.
		But you also have to understand that she has a responsibility
		to that child and make plans to do things with her or them
		both.  It's understandable that you prefer not having to 
		always to worry wether she can go out or not based on her child
		but....thats life. If you wan't to go out with this woman
		then you both should work together. There's ways of taking a
		woman, with a child who can't get a babysister, out with out
		leaving the house. Just use a little imagination and patients.
		
  		IMHO, the problem with single women with a child(ren) is the
		date who dosen't respect the fact that she has something more
		important to deal with than him. Not talking about you in
		particular.

>>>        3) the child knows that you are not their father, and feels that they
>>>           don't have to mind you when you catch them doing something that
>>>           they hadn't oughta'.
>>>           --- this can be especially irritating if you are damn-near
>>>               supporting the tyke.... what his _father_ _should_ be doing.
>>>           --- besides that, the child is _always right_ in momma's eyes,
>>>               because whether you stay or leave, the child will be there.
>>.
>>.
		I agree with part of this. Children know what and with whom
		they can get away with things. You best believe when you open
		your mouth to say "don't do this or that" the 1st word that
		comes out their mouth's: "You aren't my father". 
	
 
>        4) if you want to make love, you must first be sure that the child(ren)
>           are fast asleep, and there is no guaranteeing that any of them will
>           fall asleep before about midnight, nor any guarantee that they will
>           not wake up in the middle of the night (due to some nightmare, or
>           just to investigate the strange noises coming outa' mommy's room),
>           and insist upon climbing in the bed with you and momma.
>           ---- or how about this one... you are a light sleeper and momma
>                could probably get a good night's sleep in a war zone.
>                jr. can't sleep and he can't wake momma, so he wakes you.
>>.
>>.
		Now thats a problem that, you know you have to deal with the
		moment you know she has children. And it is frustrating
		, but thats what your PAD is all about. 
>
>My pad is fine, but then there's that "babysitter logistic" again.
		You got a point!

>>>
>Speaking of looks, and speaking as a man who has dated a few big
>(200 or so lbs.) women, and a few small ones, and a few medium-sized ones.
>I would like to say that, given my "druthers", and all other things being
>equal, that I prefer a woman tho is at or near her own personal "fightin'
>weight".  I say this for the following reasons:
>
>        1) I fully appreciate the fact that "looks aren't everything",
>           but I would just-as-soon be with a woman that I could make
>           love to with the lights _on_.
>           --- and I have not come across many really-big women who
>               meet that description

	No comment on your preferences, but I was lucky enough to find
someone about that weight who has an extremly sexy body. Trust me, I knew
she wasn't 150 but I could believe by looking at her that she was much
heavier.

================================================================================
=  De Vaughn A. Elledge      **            What!?! CLINTON WON??? 
=                            **  Now who's going to go help Bush move out!! 
= DELLEDG @ WAYNEST1         **  We know it won't be Quayle, he can't spell. 
= DELLEDG @ JAKE.CC.WAYNE.EDU** ================================================
=                            ** Detroit Rockers: 1991 NPSL CHAMPIONS!!!! 
= Wayne State University     ** Detroit Lions: 1991 Cntrl. Div. Champs 
= Detroit, MI                ** Go Pistons, Redwings, Tigers, Turbos!!!!
============================ ** Go Tartars, Wolverines, Drive!!!     
================================================================================


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