From: cobarruvias@asd2.jsc.nasa.gov
Subject: Re: Help with Spanking Alternatives
Organization: NASA/JSC
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 16:21:50 GMT

In article <1993Jan4.045240.11706@news2.cis.umn.edu> Theresa Jarosz Alberti
<sapphire@wings.micro.umn.edu> writes:
>I'm really interested in alternatives to spanking when dealing with
>children too young to understand reasoning.  My son and daughter are 17
>months old and they are starting to get into behaviors I'm not sure how
>to handle.  

We had a long discussion here about spanking. Lots of opinions, all were
correct. (especially mine :-)   ) So here is what I would, have done to solve
your specific problems.

>
>I "spanked" them for the first time (slapped their hands) when, after
>hours of "no touch!" from me concerning the Christmas tree lights, I came
>into the room and found them playing with the lights AND my son had them
>wrapped around his neck!  

This year Taylor understands about the tree. she is 2.5. But last year, we just
put up a barrier. It worked. Some say this is avoidance of displine, but I see
it as a way to enjoy the tree without worrying about a MAJOR problem. We do
this for a lot of things that she cannot understand about, like in the extreme
case of knives. We just put back the knobs on the stove.

>
>Another problem has been feeding time.  They've gotten into very
>purposefully throwing their food on the floor.  We say "no!" loud, louder
>and even louder, and they smile cunningly and drop the food slowly onto
>the floor.  We've gotten into spaking their hands for this and
>threatening to take them out of their high chairs.  Sometimes they even
>smile after being slapped!

When Taylor threw food when she was real small, about 12 months, we ignored it,
and cleaned it up like it was just part of every day happenings. She soon
stopped it. Same with words she picks up. Like DAMN. We just ignored it. Didn't
let her realize it that the word caused a reaction. She quickly gave it up.

Also try a positive approach. If they throw the food, then they are not hungry.
End of dinner for them. And they should help clean it up. So they will soon
realize that it doesn't cause a reaction, they will have to clean it, and they
wont get dinner. 

>
>What is most frustrating is that I do not want to slap them.  I want
>there to be a way to discipline my children without hitting, but I'm not
>sure what else to do.  I can see when they're a little older I can use
>"time-outs" and simple cause-and-effect, but what to do with 17 month
>olds?

We are at a stage of using "Cool-off" periods instead of "Time-outs". When she
needs to cool off we do the same as time outs except call it time outs. It has
a bit more positive approach of giving the child time to cool down as opposed
to punishing them for bad behavior. 

>
>Any suggestions would be appreciated!
>
>Theresa Jarosz Alberti       sapphire@wings.micro.umn.edu
>



*****************************************************************
John R. Cobarruvias, Texas A&M Class of '78, 
NASA Johnson Space Center Houston Tx.
(713)483-9357

"And to think..................I hesitated" (Hellraiser II)
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