From: tigger@satyr.Sylvan.COM (Grace Sylvan)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: At what age is day care appropriate?
Date: 16 Apr 92 03:32:29 GMT
	<4804@umriscc.isc.umr.edu>
Organization: Sylvan Associates


someone wrote (it got too confusing):

   >Yes, you ARE lucky.  You are choosing to have a family member care for your
   >child.  This is the equivalent of having a parent care for the child.  Your
   >mother shares your values, your ethics, and is not going to disappear.

I don't necessarily agree with this at all. I would NOT want my mother
raising my children. It is quite an assumption that grandparents will
raise your child the 'same' way you or your spouse will. Parenting
education (Dr. Spock was it, and even he has changed his mind on some
topics over the years). My mom is well meaning, but there are times
that the old 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' is true.
She has kept abreast of child issues, but, unfortunately, she hasn't
really integrated the information -- she doesn't understand, for
instance, why we give our 2 year old so many choices, and allow her to
choose her clothing, and honor her preferences when we can.

davem@cs.umr.edu  (Dave Mentis) writes:

   My wife holds the same values, same ethics I do, and is not going to
   disappear. I can't speak for anybody else's criteria for marriage, but
   we don't hold the same values because we've been married for 12 years.
   We've been married for 12 years because we (always) held the same values!

   We CHOSE each other, to spend an entire lifetime together. Tell me why
   it's catagorically impossible for me to choose a baby sitter with the
   same care.

Yes, you chose each other, and promised to spend an entire life
together. And I would bet there aren't *that* many women out there who
you would marry. But the other issue is that you have committed to
staying with each other, making your future plans and choices with
your relationship in mind. Not so with your daycare provider. They
have their own life, and need to make their own choices. Continuing to
work for you comes second to their own personal stuff.

So, while you might find an excellent provider, you don't know for how
long you'll really have them - months, a year or two, or more? And
then you need to search again. Two of the three people who did in home
care for Kathy have moved from the area - and one of my best friends
(who also would lend a hand, especially in an emergency) has just
moved to Seattle. And I moved from 5 minutes away to 30 minutes away
from my other friend when we decided to buy a house - making quick
visits and emergency help much more difficult. 

And, for what it's worth, here's my experience hunting for a
babysitter - a part time, go out for an evening, babysitter. In the
paper there are agencies that you can pay $10 an hour who will provide
an adult sitter, certified in various ways, has taken CPR courses and
the like. Once I tried to get one on short notice (like 24 hour) and
they couldn't get me anyone :-(. Our new neighborhood is all 3-5
bedroom houses, a good number of teens. I got some numbers and started
calling to find a sitter. From them, I got more numbers. I called over
a dozen different households with teens (some with more than one!) and
*NONE* of them was available, or was likely to be available in the
future. All had sports and other commitments. Let me say that this is
crazymaking. We, as a couple, can't commit to doing things without the
kids being with us. Now, fortunately, Katherine is well behaved and
keeps herself entertained at adult parties well, and Robin, well, I'd
take him with me anyways, since he is such a little guy.... But if
there is something that kids are unwelcome at, it is a hassle and a
half and we end up calling *everyone* we know to find someone who can
take Kathy, if we *can* find someone.

Oops, I'm flaming... guess I'll stop.

-- 
Tigger (Grace Sylvan)                Mom of Katherine Yelena, 2.6 &
tigger@satyr.sylvan.com              Robin Gregory <born 2/28/92>)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It seems to me that our large goal is to find the ways to help our
children become humane and strong."

             - Dr Haim Ginott quoted by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish