From: jgacker@ISIS.GSFC.NASA.GOV (James G. Acker)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: The Universe is stranger than you thought (fwd)
Date: 17 Apr 92 13:51:33 GMT

Forwarded message:
From jgacker  Fri Apr  3 10:52:25 1992
From: jgacker (James G. Acker)
Message-Id: <9204031552.AA11534@isis.gsfc.nasa.gov>
Subject: The Universe is stranger than you thought
To: ap.post@layout.berkeley.edu
Date: Fri, 3 Apr 92 10:52:24 EST
Cc: jgacker (James G. Acker)
X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4dev PL61]
Content-Type: text
Content-Length: 5413      


	I correspond with a friend on a minor planet in the Andromeda
Galaxy somewhere.  Even with a faster-than-lightspeed Internet access,
it takes awhile for messages to go back and forth.  I call this 
character "he" occasionally because it is hard to avoid gender-neutral
references in English.  Actually (and of course I'm using a limited
character set), my friend Bl**xmif% refers to his person as a "nilf", one
of the six genders on his planet.  All six genders must participate in
order to create twelve new beings, two of each set. (Blazing pools of hot
plasma occasionally erupt on the planet and eradicate some beings, so
the population stays fairly stable).  Bl**xmif% says that
finding a suitable set of six partners is really tough, but it's worth 
it because the creation process lasts approximately five Earth-years,
and he describes it as "every nanosecond is ecstasy like the interior
of a Class II blue supergiant on the verge of going supernova."
	Bl**xmif% has been asking about the concept of "woman".  He finds
it amazing that one being can be responsible for so many different aspects
of behavior.  And that in spite of the limited sensual rewards of our
reproductive actions (he describes our "orgasm" as a "high jump on a neutron
star"), the aspect of repeatability is pleasant.  Once all six genders have
participated in the reproductive joining (his term is "Wowohwowohwow"), they
become little better than herd animals and are put out to pasture to fatten
and become vitamin supplements.
	Briefly, then, the six gender divisions on his planet:

	#1:  The "Nilf".  The Nilf is the go-getter.  No reproduction would
ever happen if it weren't for Nilfs.  They think about reproduction every
waking moment, and are constantly on the prowl, trying to assemble the complete
"gesbang", or six-membered reproductive group.  Nilfs frequently travel in 
packs, are notable for their limited language skills (Bl**xmif% says he's
one of the rare scholarly types), and when they can't find enough other 
members, they sit around and complain that all the good "aa-aah" (see below)
candidates are taken.

	#2:  The "Mooder".  Mooders are the large type which the other
five genders must all "fit into" in order to coagulate.  Mooders are 
generally quiet, lack personality, and are most concerned that other 
Mooders are finding members of their own "gesbang", but they would never
say they want to form a "gesbang" themselves.  Bl**xmif% says it always
takes a lot of persuasion to get a Mooder to commit to a "gesbang".

	#3:  The "aa-aah".  These are the Nilf's main priorities.  Even
if it takes years to assemble the total "gesbang", having a smooth aa-aah
on a Nilf's posterior portal makes life go a lot better.  The main problem
is that aa-aah's vary a lot in their appearance.  While every aa-aah has the
same function in the "gesbang", which is to add the exotic sensual flavors
which make the reproductive joining so pleasurable, and all are capable of
making a "gesbang" dynamic, only a few aa-aahs are true "caclysmites", to use
Bl**xmif%'s phrase.  It takes a lot of Nilfs a long time to realize a 
"gesbang" can happen with an aa-aah who isn't a caclysmite.  Bl**xmif% said
he's got a pretty nice aa-aah now who isn't a caclysmite but looks pretty
good in radioactive paint and a short mini-skirt.

	#4:  The "Bleirk".  Life would go a lot better without Bleirks, 
Bl**xmif% said.  They have volatile emotions, frequently try to communicate
but despite advanced language skills their efforts are usually unintelligible,
and Bleirk's most common complaint is that Nilf's only care about finding
aa-aahs.  Bleirks also spend lots of currency on meaningless metallic
decorations, and they can't balance their currency register.  Once a "gesbang"
has a Bleirk, the Nilf has to spend a lot of time trying to keep the Bleirk
entertained and has a lot less time to stroke his aa-aah.  Frequently, Bleirks
are the last member Nilfs add to a "gesbang" group, if they can help it.

	#5:  The "Coozy".  Coozys are sweet, gentle, caring, wonderful.  They
treat aa-aahs and Bleirks the same, think that Mooders are misunderstood, and
all they want to do is participate in the preliminary stages of Wowohwowohwow
but not form the final reproductive grouping.  Coozys are also highly skilled
at taking care of the juveniles of the species, and are frequently seen
shepherding around large juvenile groups to bowling alleys and Chuck E. Cheese
pizza parlors (for clarity I'm using the Earth-equivalents of these 
activities).  Strangely, Coozys and aa-aahs can't understand each other, and
the Nilf has to translate for them.

	#6:  The "Plimp".  Plimp's sole responsibility is nutrition, which
they pursue with avidity.  Once in the "gesbang", the Plimp's nutritional 
stores provide energy for the entire length of the five-year reproductive
joining.  Nilfs have to look for Plimps who can still fit into a Mooder and
are also still mobile.  Plimps which can no longer move are referred to
as "plomps", a derogatory name.  Some Nilfs say they'll still accept a 
"plomp", but these Nilfs usually already have a caclysmite aa-aah.

	Thought you'd find that interesting.  I'll be speaking with 
Bl**xmif% again after the week or so transmission lag.  I'm trying to 
explain the concept of "capital gains tax" to him.  He keeps thinking
it has something to do with the gross mass of a plimp.

	Later.  A.
 


Xref: sparky alt.romance:6903 soc.singles:10908 soc.couples:2028