Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.couples
Subject: Re: help!  worried about friends...
From: soswald@charlie.usd.edu
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 16:29:50 GMT
Reply-To: soswald@charlie.usd.edu
Organization: The University of South Dakota Computer Science Dept.



In article <1992Dec28.035809.29078@samba.oit.unc.edu>, Catherine.Collingwood@launchpad.unc.edu (Catherine Collingwood) writes:
>Help!
>Two friends of mine (ages 17 and 19) are engaged, which in itself is not 
>necessarily a bad thing, but...
>
>It has recently come to my attention that, even though the marriage is
>mere months away, neither of them have thought to start talking about
>such minutae (sp?) as financial plans, where they're going to live,
>how they're going to tell their parents (which bothers me on another 
>plane too), etc..
>And they keep asking me for advice on how to make a relationship work!
>
>I've tried several times to suggest to my friends -- both of whom are
>college students -- that they get a third party involved to advise
>them in setting up a successful marriage.  I'm not talking about a
>prenuptal agreement, I'm talking about talking out plans for a life
>together.  However, the next question is, of course, who?
>My answer?  A priest.  I'm far from religious myself, being an EXTREMELY
>lapsed Catholic, but I grew up that way and I know that this kind of
>advising is part of a preist's training.  I myself am engaged, and
>it has been suggested to me to go on a retreat that the Church 
>periodically holds to work on this same stuff.  My parents' fairly
>successful 18-year marriage owed a good part of its success to a
>retreat such as this.
>The problem?  My friends are notoriously anti-religion.  I can't
>convince them that the priest isn't going to tell them how to live
>their life, but merely help them figure out what -they- want to do.
>But the minute my friends hear me say the word "priest" they don't
>hear anything else.
>
>So do any of you know of anyone else I can suggest that is fairly
>inexpensive?  They also told me that a marriage counselor is too
>expensive (something I can understand) and there's nothing wrong 
>with their relationship either.  In short, my friends want advice,
>but refuse to believe me in that certain types of counsellors won't
>be biased.
>I really want my friends to work out, and I think that if they don't
>get bogged down in the little things, they will.  But what kind of
>a marriage is it where they start out without even a house to live in
>or a way to pay for it?
>
>Thanks so much
>Lady Firebird
>aka Catherine

I think that if you could find a counsellor that helps with life-skills, i.e. 
communication, reality, etc. that would be your best bet.  I'm seeing someone
now that is helping me to deal with some issues that I react to as if I were
a 16 year old instead of an adult. She refers to herself as a life-skills 
counsellor,  someone that helps people to view and/or consider things 
differently than they would normally do.

If you live close to a college or university that has a Pschology or Counseling 
departments, that might be a source.  Both Lutheran and Catholic Social
Services have professional counsellors (i.e. not necessarily priests) who
charges on a sliding scale.

Hope this helps.

Happy New Year to All.  And may it be even better than it was last year.  (It
being anything you want it to be!!!!:-)

Sandy Munkvold
SOSWALD at Charlie.USD.edu
  
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