From: deviass@ecf.toronto.edu (Deviasse Robert)
Subject: Re: does anyone really care
Organization: University of Toronto, Engineering Computing Facility
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1992 10:18:29 GMT

*delurk*

bacon@mtu.edu (Jeff Bacon) observes
> In article <BznDMI.K88@ecf.toronto.edu> deviass@ecf.toronto.edu (Deviasse Robert) writes:
> >*delurk*
> 
> why not just stay unlurked?
> 
All right, I guess I've contradicted myself slightly. You've found one of
my "walls" which will promptly go down (notice there is no *enlurk* below).
I guess everyone needs a good foil.

> >>       an other thing.... what ever happened to romance????  It seems like
> >> everyone now is all wrapped up in themselves, with major walls built
> >> around them.  I guess it's to protect themselves from hurt.  The walls
> >> should come down...then people would know the person they are with, or want
> >> to be with....the honesty, trust and feelings would be out in the open, with
> >> nothing to hide.
> >That's not my thinking, but I've seen the above thinking too much not to 
> >understand it. You've already lost if you don't even try. At least you
> >have a chance if you try. I agree that the wall should come down. By lying 
> >to others we are lying to ourselves, since others react to the image of 
> >ourselves we show them, and in turn influence us. We then have to live up 
> >to images of ourselves that are not true to our being. Walls might "protect"
> >us, however they also enprison us.
> 
> Right. The key is remembering where the door is and under which rock
> you put the spare key. :)
> 
> Nah. I dunno. Certain amounts of walls, I think, are necessary. Or
> make certain parts of life easier. Remember, the world is not a totally
> nice place, and running around without your clothes on is a little naive.
> 
> But that doesn't mean you have to slam all the doors and lock all the
> shutters either. It's kinda like a house. Most of us have them. We live
> in them. But our houses have windows and doors normally. And all we
> really need to do is leave the door open and toss out the "Welcome!" mat
> and people get the idea. And if you have to deal with a jerk or something,
> you shut the door and pull the welcome mat back in.
> 
I agree totally. I spoke of idealistic principles, and assumed that it would
be taken in that context.There is virtue between the extremes, but reality
usually provides a strong moderating force. There is no use in premoderating
an ideal.

Of coarse we need walls. The house analogy is a good one. We need walls to
protect and preserve all the precious things within the home. However,
unless you let people in your home, it ceases to be a home and becomes a
mausoleum.

I hold on to these ideals but my reserve keeps me in reality. There's nothing
wrong with lofty ideas as long as you're grounded to reality. A kite needs both
strong winds and also a firm and skilled kiteer on the ground to control the
kite and keep it in the best face of the wind. Get rid of one of the two and
you either have an out of control kite, or a very unhappy kiteer that cannot
leave the ground.



> >Bearing one's soul and being true to one's self is not always easy, but
> >the alternative is not an option for me. I have no desire to live life as
> >an undead. Life is too precious to let it slip away.
> 
> being true to oneself doesn't require baring the soul. it requires being
> true to yourself.
> 

Yes these are orthogonal, but unless you are willing to trust "someone" (I 
don't mean all people) with enough knowledge about you that can potentially 
hurt you, then you are depriving yourself of a lot. Some things are worth
the risk of pain.

> >You seem to be frustrated. Just know that the whole world is not as you
> >describe. Most of the people in this group appear not to be afraid to be
> >themselves. So if you want to stay in this group, you're more than welcome.
> 
> second.
> 
> -bacon
> moderation in everything
> 
> 

Take care, and Merry Christmas
    Robert

-- 
/-------------------------------+---------------------------------------------\
| Robert N. Deviasse            |"The things that are not easily attained,    |
| EMAIL: g2devi@cdf.utoronto.ca |    are the things we cherish the most."     |
+-------------------------------+---------------------------------------------/
Newsgroups: alt.romance.chat