From: sle@cray.com (Stan L. Eads)
Newsgroups: alt.child-support,alt.dads-rights
Subject: Re: Child Support
Summary: Another story, Help requested, Action suggested.
Date: 9 Nov 92 23:25:21 GMT
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.


Hello Group,

I have been reading this group for some time, and sympathize with the
many victims of the system who post here.  I'm another one, and I
thought I would add another story to the list, along with an appeal
for help/information.

I married a childhood friend in 1977, who was mother of a five year
old boy, a three year old girl (with Down's syndrome) and a 17 month
old girl.  In 1978 we had a girl of our own, and in 1980 I legally
adopted the other three.

In 1984, she left me and the children to live with a guy in a religious
cult, and I got full custody of the four children.  After she left
the cult (with the same boyfriend) eighteen months later, she decided
that she wanted to be a part of her children's lives again.  That was
good news to me, because I feel that kids need to have a full relation-
ship with both parents.  We discussed it and decided to have the kids
spend a year with her - with non-ordered support payments from me -
and then come back to me again.

The kids spent time with each parent on and off after this, with our
youngest daughter staying almost exclusively with me, and the second
daughter staying more with her mother.  Our son split his time, and
our retarded girl was mostly in group homes, though with her mother
the past two years. 

All well and good.  My ex was rarely working, and quit two very good
jobs for very poor reasons (eg, to take a trip with her Mom), and she
lived mostly on welfare, a low-wage income from her boyfriend, and the
support payments from me. (She had two more daughters by her new
love).  I never asked for any help from her when I had the kids.  
I have always paid for all transportation for visits (long distances)
and I have bought most of the clothes and other needs, even when they
were with her.

The rub:  Now, for the first time since 1987, my ex has all four kids
in her home.  The youngest has only been there for visits since 1987,
and her mother was laying a guilt trip on her, so I suggested she
spend a year with her mother, assuring her I wouldn't feel bad about
it.  So, now she is suing for full custody of all four children,
saying that she has been primary caregiver.  They got temporary orders
for $1000.00/month, but I was given interim custody of the youngest
girl.  I decided to let her go to school with her mother as planned,
rather than let her be the center of a tug-of-war. I could have taken
her back at that point. Probably should have.  My lawyer was very
upset that I did this.  The money I don't mind so much, but being
taken out of the loop in my children's lives - that I mind, if it
happens.  Until I started reading this news group, and hearing the
dire predictions of my attorney, I thought she had no basis for a
case.  Now I'm not so sure, and I'm worried.

Other pertinent facts:  Son is now 20, working full time and going to
college at night.  Mother is still asking for college support for him.
Retarded daughter is 19, in special ed high school, but receiving in-
come from SSec, and is eligible for more benefits, if her mother will
apply for them.  She won't until AFTER the final court award is made;
she's asking for her to be declared a dependent subject to child-sup-
port indefinitely.

Complication: I live in Mineapolis, my ex in Colorado.  I have an
attorney recommended by a Father's Rights support group in Denver, but
I am not certain I'm getting good representation. My ex has an
attorney who is good, vicious, and gets all the sympathy votes,
because he is blind.  So far he has succeeded in painting me as the
cold heartless absent father, who had the career, leaving the poor
unskilled mother to fend for herself with the kids.  And he has been
awarded $1300.00 in fees from ME so far.

Question: I believe I could have been represented more aggressively in
this.  I have come off looking bad at every turn, and now have a
contempt of court hearing upcoming for failure to provide documents
which I can prove were not available until three weeks ago.  My lawyer
is very pessimistic, discounts most of the evidence I provide
concerning my ex's foibles, forgets important items of fact I have
provided him.  Can anyone recommend a good, agressive Colorado divorce
lawyer for a second opinion?

Question2:  What about this Colorado college support law?  Can she get
this even if the "boy" is working a job (and paying support to his own
out-of-wedlock child)?  And does the money go to her, the child, or
the college?

Question3:  Does the state of Minnesota garnishee wages for these
support payments (including college) in another state?

If I had a willing lawyer and some support around me, I would be
willing to be the test case, and try to take this to the Supreme Court
for a ruling on the constitutionality of these college support
payments.  If anyone else is interested, we could use the net and other
sources of publicity to get some kind of class action suit going, with
a large number of plaintiffs across several states.  We could share
the expenses among us and make a real change.  

Stan Eads
Cray Research, inc
(612) 683-5354