From: singram@eng.auburn.edu (Scott Ingram)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: My New Year's Eve
Date: 11 Jan 93 05:09:51 GMT
Reply-To: singram@eng.auburn.edu
Organization: Auburn University Engineering

In article B2i2wB5w165w@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca, pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe) writes:
>
> Oh, this is just so much bullshit. I hate to be cruel, and I hate to 
>attack you for doing what you're supposed to do on this newsgroup, but 
>COME ON...

Well, for hating it so much, you did a pretty good job. I'm truly
impressed.


>> Got off work and sat in `The Pit' with the rest of the employees. They were l
>> and drinking and moving towards drunk. I grimaced, but sat there for several 
>> minutes, while people constantly asked me `Marshall, why aren't you drinking?
>> 
>> These are the same goddamn people who know that I don't drink.
>
> Ever occur to you that, though they asked you why you weren't drinking, 
>what they MEANT was "Marshall, why aren't you having fun?"? I can see it 
>now, you brooding in the shadows, sneering at the "goddamn people", 
>hating them for not including you in their festivities. I once had a 
>friend like you, and I'm fairly certain that YOU drove yourself out and 
>then blamed THEM.

Asking me why I'm not drinking is a direct question. You see, these
people cannot comprehend Life Without Alcohol. I disturb them by not
meeting their expectations. They can't handle it. I can have fun, I just
don't require alcohol to do it.

>> I go home, look at the answering machine. The zero stares back at me.
>> Call some friends, no one is at home. Get spiffed up, wearing my
>> black pants, nin-fixed T-shirt, Nikes, and hair pulled back in a harsh
>> ponytail.
>> 
>
> [Low blow coming, so duck.]
> I wonder why anyone SHOULD call you? To be brutally honest, you don't 
>seem like a fun guy to be around...

I don't think that being `fun' is a necessity to have people call you up.
So I am not a social animal. I still would appreciate some effort from my
`friends'. I don't expect it, its just that holidays cause undue angst cause
you know everyone you know is out partying, and nobody invited you.


>> Drive to various friend/acquaitance houses. No one is home.
>> Decide to socialize, drive next to the single dance club in the area,
>> stop my car. I realize if I go in, I am committing myself...
>> I know people who work there, and they will be amazed if I show up without 
>> somebody dragging me through the door.
>> 
>> I leave.
>
> "Amazed"? At what? "Oh, there's Marshall, and he's here without a 
>date...better start throwing stones at him!"
> Could be that the people there are assholes enough to do something like 
>that, I don't know. But, if that is the case, then go somewhere 
>else...remember, the population of people who find themselves alone on 
>New Year's Eve isn't TOTALLY composed of embittered males. Try to find an 
>embittered female...

Why? So I can boink her? Sorry, my relationships will be built on time
and hopefully respect and understanding, not mutual bitterness.
 
>> Go home, angrier than I've ever been since I matured enough to realize anger
>> doesn't solve anything (re:6 years). Angry at myself, my situation, my
>> absolute fear of the opposite sex. (Have a couple of relationships
>> fuck you over lately? Yep.)
>
> [Potential banality coming up, so roll your eyes.]
> So you got "fucked over"...who hasn't? I'd understand some temporary 
>ambivalence towards women after such an experience, but "fear"? That 
>sounds like something which comes from a deeper place than surface 
>angst...

I am not misogynistic or afraid of women, per se. I am afraid of relationships,
such that I (sub)consciously avoid them. Jump back with your psychoanalyzation.
I don't have any inbred fear/hatred. I just have yet to have had a successful
relationship, and my experience is that relationships are bad news, best to
try and stay out of them.
 
>> Orion.

> Look, could be that you're playing up your angst to make it read better, 
>but I'm working under the assumption that what you wrote is the truth. If 
>so, then you've got a lot of shit that needs flushing, and you don't seem 
>to be doing anything about it.
> Do you think that you're the only one who's ever been alone? Who's ever 
>been down? Who's ever had a depression New Year's? The trick isn't to 
>WALLOW in your angst -- alt.angst, to me, isn't a place for such 
>self-indulgence, but rather for a purging. Do you like your pain? Sure 
>sounds like it...and unless you want it to be your constant companion, 
>I'd suggest you try to deal with it before IT starts to deal with YOU.

>marlowe

Thanks for telling me what you use alt.angst for and how I should improve my life.
Oh, and fuck off.

Orion.