HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: jfarrell@morgan.ucs.mun.ca (James Farrell)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: RE:RE:Candian Humor
Date: 20 Dec 92 18:29:57 GMT
Organization: Memorial University of Newfoundland

In article <1992Dec18.130913.1@camins.camosun.bc.ca> comptec92076@camins.camosun.bc.ca writes:
>In article <BzF73o.Isv@acsu.buffalo.edu>, v140pxgt@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (Daniel B Case) writes:
>.
>.
>[bunch of rather humorus canadian jokes deleted]
>.
>.
>Okay, herre's one that most canadians will get,....
>
>The world will be destroyed today at 8:00.... 8:30 in Newfoundland
>
>
>either you get it or you don't...... :)

Yip, I get it.

-- 
********************************************************************
* Jim Farrell  -  Memorial University of Newfoundland (ie. CANADA) *
* These are my opinions, so BUGGER OFF!!!                          * 
********************************************************************
From: comp_oper@darwin.ntu.edu.au (Glenn Wallace)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Wanted: Ways to Say Someone's Crazy
Date: 18 Dec 92 14:30:02 +0900

He's/she's got a few kangaroos running loose in the top paddock.

-- 
Glenn Wallace					comp_oper@darwin.ntu.edu.au
Northern Territory University
Darwin, Northern Territory,
Australia, World, Universe, etc...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DISCLAIMER:
This is not necessarily the views of the management of this establishment:-
We just chain him up in that little cubby hole of his and leave him be!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: emstewar@unix.amherst.edu (EMILY MAUREEN STEWART)
Subject: Implants joke
Organization: Amherst College
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL7]
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 18:26:33 GMT

Bear with me on this one.  Lots of visual cues: {I'll put them in brackets.}

A woman decides that she's not amply enough endowed in the chest, so she goes
to her plastic surgeon about getting implants.

"What are my options?" she asks the doctor.

"Well," the doctor responded, "The very best, most realistic implants are made
of silicone."

"Okay.  What's the price tag on those?"

"$25,000."

The woman sighed.  "I don't have $25,000 to spare.  Are there any other 
options?"

"The next best type of implants are rubber.  They're less realistic, but the
process is quite a bit cheaper--about $10,000."

The woman shook her head.  "I'm afraid I just can't afford that.  Sorry I
wasted your time."

"Wait," said the doctor.  "There is one more option, but it's in the 
experimental stages.  If you're willing to try it out, it will be free."

"Okay," said the woman cautiously.  "What kind of implants are these?"

"Baloons," replied the doctor.  "It requires a less invasive procedure--but 
they must be reinflated periodically."

The woman decided to go for the operation.  It was successful, and when it was
all finished the doctor showed her how to inflate them, like this:
{Put fingers on chest just above bosom.  Move your elbows up and down like a 
chicken flapping its wings.}

So, once she fully recovered, the woman went to a singles bar.  She spied a 
likely-looking prospect on the other side of the bar.  She walked over, making
sure that her breasts were inflated {repeat chicken-wing motion}.

"Pardon me," she said to the man, "but haven't I seen you here before?"

{say the following line while scissoring legs open and closed:} "No, but we
have the same doctor!"
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: tracer@majestix.cs.uoregon.edu (Roger M. Wilcox)
Subject: Re: jesus
Organization: University of Oregon Computer and Information Sciences Dept.
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 09:17:07 GMT

In article <1992Dec11.114626.11391@Cadence.COM> mas@Cadence.COM (Masud Khan) writes:
>
>Also one last thing, Jesus's story uncannily is the same as Baal, Mithra and
>and a variety of Pagan Gods, ie born of a virgin, son of god, had 12
>disciples, was killed and was raised again, went to hell, was tempted`
>etc etc..

What always amazed me were the similarities between Jesus and Hercules.

Jesus was the son of a mortal, Mary, sired by Yahweh.
Heracles (Hercules' Greek name) was the son of a mortal, Alchimena [sp?],
   sired my Zeus.

Jesus had great supernatural powers ascribed to his demi-godhood.
Heracles had great supernatural powers ascribed to his demi-godhood.

Jesus had to lug around 12 disciples.
Heracles had to perform 12 tough tasks.

Jesus, according to legend, freed the souls of Man from the eternal torment
   brought about by Original Sin.
Heracles freed Prometheus, the maker of Man, from the eternal torment brought
   about by breaking divine law (bringing fire to man).

Jesus hung out with Mary Magdalene but probably didn't have any kind of wild
   passionate sex with her (at least according to the Gospels).
Heracles sired 52 children from 50 different women.
-- Hey, WAIT A MINUTE!  Those two aren't the same!  What's going on here?!?

-- 
Roger *M.* Wilcox   (aka Jeff Boeing)
tracer@majestix.cs.uoregon.edu
Aleph null bottles of beer on the wall, aleph null bottles of beer, ...
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: Lloyd_Sumpter@mindlink.bc.ca (Lloyd Sumpter)
Subject: Re: coins
Organization: MIND LINK! - British Columbia, Canada
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 1992 22:43:16 GMT

> Neela Jacques writes:
>
> Msg-ID: <1992Dec16.180542.26280@spock.UUCP>
> Posted: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 18:05:4
>
> Org.  : Choate Rosemary Hall
>
>
> How can you make 40 cents out of only two coins?
>
>
>
> get two Australian 20 cent coins. HaHa!

   ... or 2 Canadian Loonies (the Canadian dollar now ranks right up there
with shiny pebbles and shells with holes in them as currency, thanks to Brian
and Co.)


--

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<semi-YAHOO>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
                    Lloyd_Sumpter@mindlink.bc.ca
             "Amiga made it - Commodore screwed it up"
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
From: bradj@oakhill.sps.mot.com (Brad R. Johnson)
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Organization: Motorola Inc., Austin Tx.
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 22:54:46 GMT

In article <1gij2mINNqsl@agate.berkeley.edu> muh@physics.Berkeley.EDU (Yury M. Mukharsky) writes:
>In article <gDyoVB1w165w@bwalk.dm.com> dlv@bwalk.dm.com (Dimitri Vulis) writes:
>>
>Kto nibud' znaet, gde vzroslo eto blednoe chudo? Na prostorah Oklahomschiny ili
>na pomoikah NYC? Ili on vse zhe sam sebja sechet?

Gosh darnit!  My ROT13 doesn't work.  Can anybody tell me what this says?

>Yury M.

Brad
bradj@daffy.sps.mot.com
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: ascii pics (done)
From: tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 92 16:51:27 PST
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

LJ03933@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM writes:

> Well, that's it. Thanks to everyone who posted them
> previously so I could collect them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
>          o
>     \\    oFrom a fish lover who can't access fish or aquaria newsgroups!
> |\/   o\  o
>  >      <o
> |/\    /Tamara Johnson
>     //Lj03933@lmsc5.is.lmsc.lockheed.com
> 

Do these read out in the cockpits of jet planes?

--                    
INTERNET:  tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!tumidity
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
From: jim@fuji.eng.yale.edu (James J. Szinger)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: coins
Date: 16 Dec 92 20:40:06 GMT
Organization: Yale University, Intelligent Sensors Lab, Elect. Eng.

In article <1992Dec16.180542.26280@spock.UUCP> drizzt@spock.uucp
(Neela Jacques) writes:

>How can you make 40 cents out of only two coins?

Use 2 Canadian quarters.

--
James Szinger                        jim@fuji.eng.yale.edu

"He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad."
From: gb03@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (GEORGE PHILIP BLUHM)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: West Virginia
Date: 13 Dec 92 02:02:35 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <1992Dec10.210745.8489@seachg.uucp>, chrisb@seachg.uucp (Chris Blask)
 writes:
>>In article <17335@umd5.umd.edu> jrobert@lab1.smcm.edu (Jess Roberts) writes:
>>>Anyone have a ny good WVA jokes??? We just moved there (for the love of
>>>Christ), and I'm not too pleased...any jokes that I can throw at my
>>>parents would be appreciated...
>>
>>Lame joke for W. Virginia:
>>
>
>OKokokokok
>
>Q. What do West Virginian girls wear behind their ears to attract boys?
>
>^L
>
>
>
>
>A. Their ankles.
>
>
>-chris blask
>


Are all WVA girls BLOND?????

Phylee THEE MacNasty
From: shankar@sgi.com (Shankar Unni)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: New value for Pi
Date: 18 Dec 1992 01:08:32 GMT
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.
NNTP-Posting-Host: boris.wpd.sgi.com
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

mckeonj@ul.ie wrote:

> A useful approximation is that pi squared approximates to 10
> Since for all bases 10^2=100, does this mean that pi~-1?

An even more accurate, and coincidential, approximation is that

  pi**2 ~= g

where g == acceleration due to earth's gravity (9.8 m/sec**2).
--
Shankar Unni				E-Mail:	shankar@sgi.com
Silicon Graphics Inc.			Phone:	+1-415-390-2072
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jfarrell@morgan.ucs.mun.ca (James Farrell)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Don't Read Me. Only a test...
Date: 11 Dec 92 18:13:13 GMT
Organization: Memorial University of Newfoundland

In article <702.9212101345@thor.cf.ac.uk> scocjk@thor.cf.ac.uk (Christopher Kyle) writes:
>In article <1992Dec8.185407.15398@Princeton.EDU> sguha@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Saumyen Guha) writes:
>|In article <61190004@acf3.NYU.EDU> wut@acf3.NYU.EDU (Tom Wu) writes:
>|>/* acf3:rec.humor / mwasserm@diana.cair.du.edu (MARC Y. WASSERMAN) / 10:42 am  Dec  7, 1992 */
>|>In article <ByvLyF.MBt@news.ucs.mun.ca> jfarrell@morgan.ucs.mun.ca (James Farrell) writes:
>|>>In article <1992Dec6.212621.12609@spock.UUCP> bane@spock.uucp (Cameron Huang) writes:
>|>>>In article <184434@pyramid.pyramid.com> vkhare@misdev.mis.pyramid.com (Vilas Khare) writes:
>|>>>>.this is a test message, please ignore.
>|>>>You are a dork, and your post's a bore.
>|>>That's not very nice. You're just being sore.
>|>Perhaps he's ironic, and wants some more.
>|> 
>|>Quit dancing around, and let's get to the core.
>|As if , you are talking to a whore!
>He knows that, he knows the score.
What the hell are we doing this for?
From: jbuskirk@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Jayakar Nayak?)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: AGGIE
Date: 15 Dec 92 17:54:17 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

Q... How many Aggies does it take to eat an armadillo?















A... Two, one to eat it and one to watch for cars.


p.s. Yes, I can make fun of aggies, i am from the south.

===============================================================================
  \ //       |If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.  If you still
  O_o  -ack, |have problems with failure, then forget the rules all together.
 #( )# thptt |
   U         |Every now and then I just have the urge to scream! ARGHHHHH!!!
             |
Bill in 1996 |Please direct all C&C to jbuskirk@eniac.seas.upenn.edu
===============================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: johnson@spectra.com (boyd johnson)
Subject: Re: no arms/ no legs etc.
Organization: Spectragraphics Corporation
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 92 16:19:52 GMT

In article <Bz11o9.91@news.ucs.mun.ca> jfarrell@morgan.ucs.mun.ca (James Farrell) writes:
>
>How about the guy with no arms/legs that bounces off walls?
>
>
>	Rick O'Shea
>

How 'bout the Irish guy with no arms and no legs out on the porch?

Paddy O'Furniture

-- 
======== Boyd Johnson    nosc!spectra.com!johnson  San Diego, Ca. ========
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: kurgan@spock.uucp (Andrew Twyman)
Subject: Re: acronyms
Organization: Choate Rosemary Hall
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 23:53:00 GMT

In article <42149@sdcc12.ucsd.edu> mfischer@sdcc13.ucsd.edu (Mike Fischer) writes:
>In article <11243@baird.cs.strath.ac.uk> smurray@cs.strath.ac.uk (Stephen Murray CS92) writes:
>>Does anyone have a list of computer acronyms, and if they do could
>>they mail it to me, or better still post it. The only one I have is:
>>
>>MACINTOSH: Machine Always Crashes, If Not The Operating System Hangs
>
>IBM: Incredibly Boring Machine
Fuck you!!
-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|  -"I have something to say.  It's better to burn out, than to fade away!"-  |
|                          -* THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE *-                        |
kurgan@choate.edu--------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: queue@iastate.edu (Rob Ludwick)
Subject: Re: baby jokes if u please.
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames IA
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 05:22:33 GMT

In <Bz7t5E.DK8@unix.amherst.edu> emstewar@unix.amherst.edu (EMILY MAUREEN STEWART) writes:

>What's red and squirms in the corner?
>A baby playing with a razor blade.

>How do you make a dead baby float?
>One scoop of ice cream and one scoop of dead baby.

What's more disgusting than a dead baby?
A garbage can of dead babies.

What's more disgusting than that?
One eating it's way to the top.



-- 
Rob Ludwick           \   
queue@iastate.edu      \  "Blow me.... A kiss..."
Treasurer               \  	-- Qory Hodenfield
Iowa State Juggling Club \
From: mfrazer@scott.skidmore.edu (The Wombat)
Subject: Re: Joke
Organization: Skidmore College, Saratoga Springs NY
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 1992 01:44:45 GMT

On Sun, 20 Dec 1992 00:25:27 GMT, Robyn Clark (Robyn_Clark@mindlink.bc.ca) wrote:
: I don't get it!!!

Um maybe this is a joke too?
Sorry if it is not
Sorry if it is
Um, I Think Therefore I am.

--

===============================================================================
    "I was kind of dissapointed actually. I mean here he is the great and
    evil BOB and the worst thing he can do is squeeze a tube of toothpaste
                            out from the middle."
                   -Dennis Handly On The Finale Of Twin Peaks
Matthew Frazer              |   Matthew Frazer    | mfrazer@skidmore.edu 
Skidmore College            |   5 Stevens Way     |  My SAAB is not old
Saratoga Springs NY 12866   |   Durham NH 03824   |   It is experienced
===============================================================================
                              Be Seeing You!
===============================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: ACCOUNTING JOKES
From: tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 11:31:57 PST
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

panton@cybernet.cse.fau.edu (Thomas panton) writes:

> hello out there.  i was wondering if anyone out there has some good 
> accountant jokes.  i myself am an accounting grad student, which may be 
> considerred a joke by some.  i appreciate any jokes.  thanks in advance.
>         tom :)

Actuaries are people who don't have enough personality to be 
accountants.

--                    
INTERNET:  tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!tumidity
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
From: mckeonj@ul.ie
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: 5 ands & 11 hads
Date: 14 Dec 92 16:43:28 GMT
Organization: University of Limerick, Ireland

In article <2962@tymix.Tymnet.COM>, filfeit@rael.Tymnet.COM (Fil Feit) writes:
> In article Ao1@newcastle.ac.uk, S.E.Rigden@newcastle.ac.uk (Simon Rigden) writes:
>>[...]
>> Is it possible to construct a sentence in English which contains five
>>consecutive "and"s and doesn't break any rules of English
>>grammar/syntax/semantics (i.e. it has to make sense)?
Yes. The proprietor complained to the signwriter:
"There is too much space between FISH and AND and AND and CHIPS"
Similarly, just in case you missed the last posting:
The English teacher noted that in the class exercise on the use
of the construct 'had had';
John, where James had had 'had', had had 'had had'; 'had had'
had had the teacher's approval.
-- 
"If England sleeps, shall Ireland dream?" : Se/an macEoin
-------------------------------------------------------------------
John McKeon, Material Science Dept. University of Limerick, Ireland
From: ables@hal.com (King Ables)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Ways to Say Someone's Crazy
Date: 15 Dec 92 20:48:34 GMT
Organization: HaL Computer Systems, Inc.

One taco short of a Mexican Plate.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: sdt8s@curry.edschool.Virginia.EDU (Steve Tilson)
Subject: Re: West Virginia
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 01:23:51 GMT

If Virginia is for lovers, West Virginia is for cousins.
--
========================================================================
Why these nightmares? Why this sky?            Steve Tilson
This long road. This empty room.               sdt8s@virginia.edu
========================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: timhu@ico.isc.com (Timothy Hu)
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Organization: Interactive Systems Corp., Boulder CO
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 02:42:03 GMT

How do you decode those encoded jokes?
-- 
-----
 
The intelligence (or lack of) expressed above does not necessarily reflect
the opinions/policies of Interactive Systems Corp. -- just me.
From: keven@csugrad.cs.vt.edu (Keven Ring)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Funny headlines
Date: 14 Dec 92 20:16:32 GMT
Organization: Virginia Tech Computer Science Dept, Blacksburg, VA

How about:

The Washington Post:
    Rypien Swallows Hard On


Posted sometime during the '92 season when the redskins lost...
-- 
+-----------------------+"Frank-n-furter, it's all o-ver
|Keven Ring		|your mission is a failure. Your lifesyle's too extreme
|keven@csugrad.cs.vt.edu|I'm your new commander - You are now my prisoner
|VPI & SU		|We return to Transylvania.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: LJ03933@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM
Subject: "face" ascii
Organization: Lockheed Missiles & Space Company, Inc.
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 15:19:59 GMT

I'm about ready to give up for now... I have plenty more I've collected
and would post if this thing would only cooperate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------


 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  MM''MMMMM
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 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" ''' "!MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  M  MM"'MM
 MMMMMM'"M' MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMV'                '"MMMMMMMMMM.  'MM  M  M' .MM
 MMMM'M :M ;MV MMMMMMMMMM'                      "MMMMMMMMMM.  ": M .! .MMM
 MMM; M  M :M' AMMMMMMV'                          "MMMMMMMMM.  .'''. AMMMM
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 MMMM. ; . M  AMMMMV                                 'MMMM"" ' '.   .MMMMM
 MMMMM  .    MMMMMV                                    '. ..    ;  .MMMMMM
 MMMM  '"@"  MMMMV                                      MMMMMM.'   MMMMMMM
 MMMM.  ;        '                                      'MMMMMM.   MMMMMMM
 MMMMM..'.   .MM'                                        MMMMMMM    VMMMMM
 MMMMMM  AMMMMMV                                         'MMMMMM.    MMMMM
 MMMMM'  MMMMMM:                                     ..   MMMMMMM     MMMM
 MMMMM   MMMMMM: @@.                              .'  @@  : 'MMMM.     MMM
 MMMM'   MMM''': :@: '.                         .' ..@@@  :            .MM
 MMMV   ''     : '@@@@: '.                    .'  .@@@@@  ........./MMMMMM
 MMM           :  @@@@@. .' .              .' A. .@@@@@'  MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMM:..........:  '@@@@@@@.  ! '. - - - . '.  .@@@@@@@@   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   '@@@@@@@@@@@@.    !    .@@@@@@@@@@@@'  MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   '@@@@@@@@@@@@@...@@'..@@@@@@@@@@@@'  AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA   '@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@   .MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA    @@@@@@@@@@@@"'O'OOOO'@@@@@@@'   .MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA    '@@@@@@@VOOOOOOO.OOO @@@V     AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA     '@@@@OOOOOOOOO.OOO@'     .MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA        '.@@.OOOOO.OO     .AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.          OOOOO OOOO .MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA..      OOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOO.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM OOOOOOO.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM---MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: Carr-C10973@email.comm.mot.com (Eric Carr)
Subject: Re: Rubber jokes
Organization: Motorola LMPS Engineering
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 10:39:40 GMT
Followup-To: rec.humor

In article <Bz7ot7.HEB@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu>, mark@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (M.C.
Rendina ) wrote:
> 
> I remember back in the dorms, someone down the hall had a listing of rubber 
> jokes... stuff like 
> 
> "don't be silly, wrap your willy"... 
> "before you hump, wrap your stump..."
> "before you whack 'er, pack your ??er"...  
> 
> Anyway, they got stolen (big surprise) before I got a copy of them, but they
> were damn funny and I was just trying to remember them the other day.
> I'm sure someone on this net  must have them... can anyone please send them
> my way?  Thanks a kajillion!!
> 
> 
> =====================================================================
> Mark Rendina                                    o        ___ __        
> jedi@uiuc.edu               __/\o_     __o     < \        |  | \  |
> University of Illinois               _ \<_    _/\         |  |_/  |
>                                     (_)/(_)     /   Just  |  | \  |


Did you hear of the new reusable rubbers?




You turn them inside out and shake the fuck out of 'em.

                             

                         _________                                       
               ________ /  '67   /_________
              /    Caprice Sport Coupe    /         
             /      396cid     365hp     / See the USA in an old Chevrolet 
                                                                           
                       
            /________   USA-1  _________/         
                    /_________/
                                      
                                             
                                              
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: petitc@nuge102.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Most Commonly Heard Lies in America (and the truths behind them)
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 16:21:50 GMT

I'll call you later.
(I don't want to speak to you again)

We can always still be friends.
(I want to use you later on but on my terms)

You look fine.
(I've seen nuclear waste dumps that look better)

We'll only be there a little while.
(A little while in geological terms)

First in owner loyality.
(We have the most people who want to sacrifice our cars)

Rock bottom prices.
(Yes, the prices put your checkbook between a rock and a hard place)

Once in a lifetime offer.
(If you only life for a day)

Limited edition only.
(Offered for less than two years)

She's a very nice girl.
(Unless you happen to be a guy)

I really care for the people.
(As long as they bribe me right)

Critics raved about this movie.
(Yes, they raved about how horrible it was)
-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
Cynicism is only realism projected into the future.
If your fondest wish is to fly, don't draw up plans for flippers.
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.humor.d,alt.fan.frank-zappa