From: cjudd@esk.compserv.utas.edu.au (Craig Thomas Judd)
Subject: LNH - Posting of the last chapter (so far...)
Organization: University of Tasmania at Launceston
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 92 01:15:58 GMT

Since the LNH is back, I, Manga Man am posting what counts for the last of
the story before your Summer break. Follow it up and we'll recompile the 
story, and maybe finish it! Unfortunately, I'll be away for a week, so could
some kind Net.Hero (or villain - is Y-Plex Burp around?) please mail me any
followups? Be sparing, as my mail server has a size-delete function... Maybe
save all and mail me when I get back?

Anyway, let's see if I can remember what I called this thing...


  Back at the the Digital Clock Headquarters,  The Time Crapper returns
with the Ring of Retconn, given to him by the Looker.  He walks 
over to the 36 inch TV watch, and checks up on recent events dealing 
with the Legion of Net Heroes, and Y-Plex Burp and Dr. Killfile.  
The Time Crapper is surprised to see the Net.Heroes driving away with
Manga Man secured (by Robotech) in the back of their van.  Adjusting
the frequency on the set, he receives faint images of Y-Plex Burp's
headquarters, but is unable to see clearly for the awesome protection
that Y-Plex has placed on his base.  A flash of light distracts the 
Time Crapper away from the set, and notices Table has brought Ben 
here.
  "You were correct about him.  When I threw the radioactive pencil
at him, his unique metabolism reacted as you had predicted.  Stories
were having plot holes placed in them, as if he was giving off some
sort of energy field.  Unfortunately, I had to dust him in order to
bring him here", Table informs the Time Crapper.
  "Very Good.  I, on the other hand, most likely the left, since I am
right-handed, have obtained an object that will help me conquer the
Legion, once and for all.  The Ring of Retconn!", proclaims the Time
Crapper.
  "I am very impressed."
  "You better be, or I'll make you into a Madonna clone."
  "You do not have to do that.  I am faithful to you."
  "Now I will tell you why I sent you to retrieve him.  Since he is a 
being from another universal existance, with many similiarities to 
our own, he does not exist here as we do.  It is the same for us on
his plane of existance.  My special time abilities made it possible
to cross the barrier between our existances.  After he is placed in
the AuntMay-Chamber, and is emersed in the time residual excrement,
his powers will mutate into a useful form.  An ability to change 
reality.  Let me explain to you how this is possible.  Let us say
that I see Jimmy Connors play tennis against John McEnroe.  It is
down to a key set, where it could tie the set, or Connors wins.
Connors wins. I write this down, and then I have Ben here use his
power on the book I wrote it in.  Not only does what I wrote down
change, but the actual outcome also changes."
  "I am VERY very impressed.  You are truly a master of manipulation
and of time."
  Trying to do his best Elvis, the Time Crapper says, "Thank you very
much. You've been a wonderful audience."
  Clearing his throat, the Time Crapper says, "Place him in the
AuntMay-Chamber, now."
  Table places Ben into the AuntMay-Chamber, for his transformation.
Table closes the door and turns on the machine.  A low hum of
elderly laughter can be heard from the machine.
  "I am going now to confront Y-Plex Burp and Dr. Killfile.  You know
what to do with him when the machine is finished."
  "Yes."
  "Good.  The next time I see you, it will be in battle, Table."
  After the Time Crapper has finished talking with his lackey, he
promptly disappears.  After several minutes have passed, the 
machine stops, the door opens, and Ben falls out, flat on his
face.  Table picks him up, and gives him some smelling salts.
Ben awakens, but still in the mindless state he was in before.
Table then pulls out a small note book, and places it under his
arm, and along with Ben, he disappears too.

  After the Legion's van stopped at Headquarters, picking up more Legionaires,
filling the van to capacity, rolling on their way to Y-Plex Burp's lab,
the additional members are told of the capture of Manga Man.
After several minutes of frantic driving by Dr. Stomper, the van
SCREEEEECHES to a halt, so that Dr. Stomper does not hit the two
individuals who suddenly appeared in front of the van.  The taller of
the two has a wooden arm, while the other has a mask around his face,
so he will be unrecognizable to anyone.
  "I am Table. This is Plot-Error Man.  We have come here to help you
fight Y-Plex Burp and Dr. KillFile.  We can bring you to them, at a
much quicker rate."
  "I don't trust him," mentions Cliche Dude.
  "Why shouldn't we? He has never attacked us before, so why should we
not trust him," Captain Clean-Up points out.
  Many grunts and curses are heard in the back of the van because the 
Legionnaires who are located there are packed in like sardines, and 
air is getting a bit dank.  
  "Who farted?" exclaims Squid Boy.
  A low volumed tee-hee can be barely heard from Super_Apathy Lad.  
  "I ask you to trust me for the fate of the entire universe may be 
at stake.  To prove the worthiness of my cause, I ask if Marvel-
Zombie Boy be brought out, and prove to you that he is not what
he claims to be. "
  The back door is opened, and all of the Legionnaires fall out of 
the van.  The Legion comes closer, and surrounds Table and Plot-
Error Man.  Marvel_Zombie Boy is brought forward.  
  "Now, with my Incredible Do-Hickey, I will show you the truth."
  Aiming the Incredible Do-Hickey at Marvel_Zombie Boy, the skin
of the robot peels off quickly, revealing the villian.  Before
anyone can act, Table hits a button on the Incredible Do-Hickey,
and the robot version of Marvel_Zombie Boy dissolves. 
  "I can't believe it.  He, I mean it, must have been leading us
to a trap.  How can we ever repay you?" gasps Parking Karma
Kid.
  "Just follow me, so we can defeat Burp, and retrieve your friend.
  The Legion head back to the van, and when they have all piled in,
Table graps a hold of the van, and with his Incredible Do-Hickey,
they all disappear.

  As the van raced toward Y-plex's Lab, crammed full of the
Netters and a couple of very vile villians (tm), Parking Karma
Kid caught a glimpse of something up ahead and whipped his gaze
forward and off of the map.
  "Aaaaauuuugggghhh!!" screamed our daring driver, and careened off
the road and into a ditch.
  "What the hell is that," queried PK Kid
  "What do you mean what the hell was that, you damn near turned us
into road kill!" yelled a voice from deep beneath the dogpile in the 
back of the van.
  "I mean that guy hovering in the middle of the road there."  Well that
was what our driver said, but what our Super.Users heard was, "Dog
dripper partly cloudy amortizing the folly," or something like that.
  Yet there was someone in the middle of the road, sitting with legs
crossed, with no visible means of support and cackling like a crow.
He had an oversized jumpsuit on that looked a bit like a really bad
college student's first collage, only it kept shifting and changing
and it hurt your eyes to look at it.  He also had shocking red hair.
A lot of it.  His nose and cheeks were bright red and he had on the
ugliest tall blue hat you can imagine, possibly worse, and impossible
ears and eyes, meaning they were of the wrong sort and in the wrong 
place.  But he now directed them down, at a moped that had just pulled
off the road and behind a bush.
  Well, this just happened to be our latent heroine Lurking Lass, and at 
the moment she was feeling terribly guilty about not going to the aid of
her comrades-in-CRTs, or at least posting net.911.
  "EEeeyYYYooOOw, get out of my head, there's no room!"
  "Dow Jones persnickety in a curry base, tab a into the dawn's early 
light, columnating the isobars my dandelion?  O, sorry, I can be
coherent for the dada-impaired.  I'm an unbeatable nemesis, I'm
hoping to be your worst nightmare, what might that be, my creeping
critter?"
  "EEeeyYYooOw, head out of my room, there's no get!"
  "Well, you see, I'm after IT, as are your fellow Super-Netters, 
and I'm quite content to let them do the work for me, but I need
a spy, don't you know, because these lobotomized larynxes are 
heading into a trap laid by that stupid piece of furniture, Table, and 
we can't have that, can we?  I think you'll do just fine, after first
having been dadaized (tm), of course."
  "Gaga eyes?" whimpered our benign beauty as she looked up in dismay
and found herself in German gallery, earlier this century.
  It looked like a cross between Howard the Duck's homeworld and a
Morrison Doom Patrol, and Dada Dude called it "Prosaic World". 
  "There are many ways to do this but my favorite is cut the soul into
little bits, throw them up into the air, and give them back to you
in random angst, so here goes."
  He sputtered some utter nonsense and tossed some chaos at her, but 
Lurking Lass did what she did best and faded into the background.
The chaos ricocheted off a scissorman and back onto Dada Dude, 
transforming him into a large horribly misshapen green spectre with
a ring in its nose, simultaneously shattering the Prosaic World.
  The spectre rose with a chaotically macabre twist, and shrieked like
a banshee, "Oh no!  I've been turned into a GreenRingWraith, enthralled
to the will of the Lord of the Ring of the Retcon!"

  Manga Man awoke in a small, heavily locked room in LNH Headquarters. Luckily,
the Heroes had not been able to figure out how to undo the catches on his
armour, so he still had it, albeit without power. Robotech was still droning
away in the corner, but Minmay had stopped singing and so Manga Man was able to 
block out the worst of the pain. Glancing around, Manga Man could perceive no
outstanding features in the room, apart from the steel door and barred window.
  'Hah!' he thought. 'If my armour had its power, that steel door wouldn't last
a second!' But alas, the fusion battery was missing, and he was helpless.
  Suddenly, above him, the air started to shimmer, finally opening into a
teleconferencing window. Through it, he could see the interior of Dr. Killfile's
lab, with the Doctor standing impatiently by.
  "Come on!" urged the Doctor. "We don't have much time to waste. I've nearly
finished installing IT, and the Net.Heroes are on their way to Burp's trap.
We may need you, in case they find their way to his lab instead."
  "But I'm too weak to move!" groaned Manga Man. "They turned my Power Armour
off, and played Robotech at me!"
  "Ah. I had anticipated this!" The Doctor reached down and handed Manga Man
several containers of Ramen noodles, which he greedily consumed.
  "Mm, that's much better!" He rose unsteadily to his feet and thumped the VCR.
Even without his Power Armour, he dented it quite badly, and the tape wrapped
itself around the heads. He then lifted himself up and through the small 
teleconferencing window. 
  Once he was in Dr. Killfile's lab, the portal closed behind him. The Doctor
handed him a battery.
  "It's only a C-size carbon battery, but it'll have to do. I've been too busy
installing IT to bother with creating a fusion battery!"
  Manga Man slipped it in a slot on his armour, which lit up with many small
indicator lights for a second to show it was active. 
  "Yatta! That's better! I can't wait to take on those Net.Wimps! But... what
exactly are our plans?"
  "I finish installing IT. Then, we wait and see if Y-plex Burp's plan works..."
 
  Meanwhile, in another part of the forest...
  Amorphous Lad is sitting on a park bench reading the Sunday Paper from
April 1, 1980 and trying to collect his change from off the path.  Each
time he gets it all picked up, he seems to drop it.  He decides it has
something to do with the paper and eats it (all 794 pages of it) saving
the color ads for desert.
  The extra mass allows him to shift into the form of Pigeon! and he waddles
over to the LNH secret headquarters in time to change into MASTECTOMY BRAT!
with super x-ray vision.  His newly acquired power allows him to see
Manga Man disappear through the teleconferencing window.
  "I wonder how he did that" Amorphous Lad thought to himself as he
melted into "Muratic Acid Kid" and disolved part of the console to regain
some mass.  "Well, I suppose I should find out where they are" he said
out loud and promptly fell through a hole in the floor that wasn't there
before.  On the way down he struck his head on a pipe and reverted to
"Billy Squirt" (Amorphous Lad's "secret" identity).

[Ed:  Billy Squirt first appeared in LNH #15 as a kid who was getting beat
up by Marvel_Zombie.  At that time Billy had not realized his secret power]

  Back at Y-Plex Burp's headquarters......
  WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP 
  "Sir, sensors indicate an energy surge of immense proportions coming 
directly this way."
  "Shields up to maximum.  I do not want any interference with my plan
to destroy the Legion of Net Heroes. MU-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-
AH-AH-AH!!!!!!!", Y-Plex Burp yells out with a demonic laugh.
  "It's about to h......."
  A bright light fills the room.  The power of the light is enough to blind
someone if they kept their eyes open for about 30 seconds.  Y-Plex falls
to the floor, scrambling to the Cosmic Plot-Device, laid next to his chair.
He grabs it, and motions his arm, and the bright light that had filled the
room, disappears.  A cloaked stranger stands in the middle of the room, 
waiting for Y-Plex to make his next move.
  "Who are you?"
  "I'm Batmaa, er, I mean I am the Time Crapper!"
  "Oh?   Do you know it is against the Villians Ettiquite to interfere 
with another villian's plan?  I have been planning this scheme for 
months, and your interference has not pleased me.  In fact, my
trustworthy comrades will take care of you, nicely.  BWAH-AH-AH-AH!"
  "Big" and "Tough" come forward, preparing to deal out a heap of 
punishment to the Time Crapper.  Seeing these two "gentlemen(?)", the
Time Crapper merely waves his right hand, and "Big" and "Tough"
are metamorphosized into "Tom" and "Jerry".  As "Tom" chases "Jerry"
next to a wall, "Jerry" pulls out a huge sledgehammer, and whacks
"Tom" with it.  As "Jerry" was lifting up the sledgehammer, he hits
a button on the wall.  The wall opens up, and Marvel_Zombie Boy
can be seen, ripping up some sort of comic book. Y-Plex Burp is
furious because he hates it when someone rips up one of his comic
books.  With Y-Plex's attention drawn to Marvel_Zombie Boy, the
Time Crapper aims with Ring of Retconn at Y-Plex, and releases
a stream of hot coffee.  The coffee, hot enough to melt metal,
floats around Y-Plex, taking out the section of wall behind him.
  "Try to kill me with decaf!!! Well, now, its my turn."
  With the Cosmic Plot-Device, Y-Plex creates a gun as huge as a building,
that would give Godzilla a hernia, and fires.  The side of the building
where The Time Crapper was, disintegrates, but the Time Crapper remains.
  'So that is what the Looker referred to when he said these objects are
part of the Checks and Balences scheme. And I thought he meant that
I would have huge bank accounts. Sheesh! I should learn better.
Wait a minute. I am talking to myself. I better stop this or else
PAD will come over and try to give me multiple personalities,'
thinks the Time Crapper.
  "I don't understand", says Y-Plex, "you should have died with the rest
of my people who happened to be in the way of the gun," as the 
gun disappears from the his hands.
  With a snap of the Time Crapper's fingers, he appears right behind
Y-Plex, giving him a kick in his arse (if I may be poetic).  Y-Plex falls
to the floor.  As the Time Crapper moves in to do some more damage,
Y-Plex gives him a flip, landing on his back.  
  "So, we can fight physically with each other, but we cannot use our
special powers against each other. Boy, I'm gonna tear ya limb from limb,"
says Y-Plex Burp.
  WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP 
  "What now?", asks Y-Plex.
  With a sudden flash of light, Table, Plot-Error Man, and the Legion
of Net.Heroes appear before them.  As Y-Plex aims his Cosmic Plot-
Device at the new intruders, the Time Crapper puts Y-Plex in a 
choke hold, and pulls his aim away from them.  Squid Boy notices
Marvel_Zombie Boy, and the rest of the Legion head over to see if
they can break him out of his cell.  With all of this going on,
Table signals Plot-Error Man to concentrate all of his power on the 
book given to him by Table.  A great force is felt by all, as every-
one stops what they are doing to look at Table and Plot-Error Man.
Before anyone can do anything, a ring and a plot-device appears in
each of Table's hands, while Plot-Error Man, slumps to the ground,
mummbling something bad about Loiuse Simonson.  Both the Time
Crapper and Y-Plex check and notice that both of their Super-items
are missing.
  "Now, I will rule the universe!!!", announces Table.
  "Hey, that's my line", Cliche Dude points out.
-- 
   \/\ "Turn out the lights! Or do you want everyone for miles around to /\/
====\/\      know about our secret base?!" - Colonel, AKIRA Book 2      /\/====
=====\/\  WANT ANY MANGA ARTWORK DONE? Email me! (NO Anthropomorphs!)  /\/=====
      \/\   cjudd@esk.compserv.utas.edu.au      a.k.a. KUROTO Shiro   /\/
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