From: jdiamond@netcom.com (Joan M. Diamond)
Subject: Re: The Anonymous Service: This Waiter Has A Fake Accent
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 92 22:08:06 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 



Relkie:

I am so sorry you were raped, IF you were raped, especially by someone
you trusted to help you leave an abusive environment.

That said, I am going to say I agree with Sally.

Relkie, we have heard so many accusations and innuendoes since you first
came to us.  Scott and Prisoner and you have hurled insults and
accusations and "your side" of the story so much that I frankly don't know
what or who to believe.  So, for the record, I will go with what my
countries laws state, I will presume the person you accuse is innocent
until proven guilty.  I have to.  I cannot allow myself to be led emotionally
by you anymore.  You had us all breathless for you before.  I have to work
on my stuff, I cannot commit myself to yours.

If you were raped, by coersion or force, you need to report him.  I know,
he's in the US and you are in Canada, so they probably wouldn't
extridite him.  So what?  You could get back some of your self-esteem and
you could empower yourself by doing so.  If you can write about it
for the whole world to see, then you can tell the police.  It would also
help to keep him away from you since he would know that to come to Canada 
again would mean arrest.

My fiance and I have tried to be supportive of you through your whole
ordeal.  I understand that your sense of sexuality has been confused
and you are easily manipulated.  However, right now, as I have many times
before, I feel manipulated by you.  You may not mean to, you may think
you don't play games, but that is exactly what it feels like to me.  I
have mentioned it to others before, that you seem to keep coming up
with another abuse, just when things start to get back to being
supportive and nonreactionary.  

I don't see how anything you have said has helped anything or anybody,
including you.  Most of the people who thought Prisoner was a bad risk
have already chosen a different anonymous server.  Those who don't see
a connection are still using it.  I am not at all surprised by your
allegation, nor has it in any way changed my feelings about Prisoner
or the anonymous server.  I've already heard so much, pro and con, that I 
simply haven't got anymore emotions to invest in it.

I sincerely hope you are getting help and learning to deal with your
abuses.  You need to know that people, like me, can disagree with you
and your methods and still care about you and support your attempts
to make your life better.

If you felt it necessary for your recovery to make this announcement, so
be it.  However, now that it is made, please start working on recovery.
You have every right to blame those who victimized you.  But you alone
have the responsibility to stop being a victim and start being a
survivor.  To do that, you must look at whether your actions and reactions
are positive or negative in intent.  Deal with your anger and hurt and
betrayal, and turn it into something good.

Now, for Prisoner, if you still read this group.  I don't want
or expect you to come forth with either a denial or an admission.
Certainly, and admission would not be to your best interests unless
you were going to turn yourself in.  However, if the allegations
are true, you need to look into your own heart and find the way to
deal with this.  At least seek help.  No one but you and Relkie know
what really happened.  You both have to find your own personal peace.

I sincerely hope that if Relkie and Prisoner have anything more to
say about this, they will either do it in email, or through legal
channels.  This group is supposed to be a support forum for helping
people find positive support in dealing with the most horrible and
damaging thing any person can go through.  Let us not make it an
unsafe place.

Let's be nice to each other.

Hugs

Joan

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery