HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: grohol@novavax.UUCP (John Grohol)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re^2: Friends First or Not?
Date: 9 Sep 92 16:27:55 GMT
Organization: Nova University, Fort Lauderdale, FL

jxh@math.ksu.edu (James C. Hu) writes:

>petitc@vccnw02.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes:

>> Is it better, in your opinion, or not, to be friends before dating?  On the
>>one hand, if you're friends first, you know a lot more about the person, but
>>(s)he will get too comfortable with your friendship, and will tend to find it
>>harder to love you.  On the other hand, if you date first, you may not know a
>>lot about the person, but at least you're "used to" dating each other.

>My answer to the question would depend on what you mean by dating.  Do
>you usually ask a complete stranger out on a date?  Is this common
>practice?  I don't think I could ever bring myself up to it.  I think
>I would have to have at least cursory knowledge of a person before I
>would ask her (I'm male, the hell with PC :-) out on a date.  Thus,
>the date would more or less have the purpose of becoming better
>friends, not romance.

You know, it's funny. I used to think that it was necessary first to
become friends with a woman before dating her too. But guess what..!
I have about a dozen friends who are girls and not one of them ever
turned into a "date" per se'. I think that we start out with different
expectations if we just start talking to/with someone as a friend rather
than getting to know the same person through "dates." 

Women often complain about getting hit by an unexpected advance from
a male friend whom they have known for months or years. Is it any
wonder, since this is the way people think that friendships are all
that they are ever supposed to be -- friendships! Most people don't
go into friendships, even those of the opposite sex, I hope expecting
to get a date..!! 

I am happy to report that I never thought I could just go up to a woman
and ask her out, but I did just that at a wedding reception recently
and we are falling madly for each other fast... even if it is a LDR..
:-(

Cheers,
 
 John

-- 
  John M. Grohol, M.S.    grohol@novavax.nova.edu     Nova University
--::--::--::--::--::--::--  the indigo girls:  --::--::--::--::--::--::--
   "Dark and dangerous like a secret that gets whispered in a hush,
    When I wake the things I dreamt about you last night make me blush." 	
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Organization: Ryerson Polytechnical Institute
Distribution: na
Date: Wednesday, 9 Sep 1992 22:49:49 EST
From: <ACPS7083@RyeVm.Ryerson.Ca>
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: QUESTION CONCERNING RELATIONSHIPS

QUESTION FOR THE EXPERIENCED MEN/WOMEN:
Are ladies nowadays more straight-forward in either rejecting
     or accepting love relationships?

And If so, what should the quiet and shy type men do to show their feelings
to ladies of that nature??

Please Post.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: Mike J. Brown <mjbrown@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>
Subject: Should I try to find her? If I do, then what?
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 02:33:59 GMT
X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.3 PL11]

Her name is Gina Weisshaar.
She is the most beautiful woman in the world.

I saw her around every once in a while
when I was living in the same dorm she lived in (Lincoln Tower).
That was four years ago.  The other guys made fun of her
behind her back because she sometimes didn't shave her legs.
It disgusted me that it disgusted them.

Ever since I first saw her I thought she was extremely beautiful.
I mean, I think it was some cosmic oversight that I was allowed to even
exist on the same planet as her.

I never met her.  She left OSU after Winter Quarter 1989.

That following September I worked as a temporary for a few days in the
bookstore at Columbus State Comm. Coll.  I was ringing up sale after
sale, not paying attention to the faces of people as they plopped
their books onto the counter and waited for me to ring up the damage to
their pocketbooks.  I keyed in one customer's purchases, announced the
total, and looked up at them.  I was stunned.  I didn't realize it was her
until after she signed her credit card receipt.  I was so enamored by this
work of art, the most beautiful woman in the world, standing right there in 
front of me, smiling.  As my mind turned to mush I bagged her books and
finished the sale, and I blushed as I said "thanks."  Still smiling, she
took the bag, thanked me, and went away.

I never saw her again.

Gina, where are you?  Where is the most beautiful woman in the world?
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Subject: Re: LJBF songs
Organization: Youngstown State University/Youngstown Free-Net
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 11:27:16 GMT


Type 5 of LJBF songs = revenge/anger?


well then, how can you leave out 

"I don't care anymore"  by Phil Collins??


That song..played at ...oh about 15....always helps me
feel empowered when others (sometimes LJBFers, sometimes others)
make me feel down about myself....


cheers..

Dawn
-- 
Irony is hygiene of the mind      --Elizabeth Bibesco
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: huesmann@wam.umd.edu (Joseph Edward Huesmann)
Subject: Re: Romantic Songs Discussion list
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 1992 20:25:43 GMT

Does it have to be popular songs only? I think some of the most romantic
music is "classical" (especially te Romance period :)). One of my
favorites is Rachmaninoff's Symphony #3 (E minor). Actually lots of
Rachmaninoff is romantic.

Anyway, just my two bits...

Joe

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|  huesmann@wam.umd.edu     "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all   |
|  Joseph E. Huesmann        the world, she walks into mine!"                |
|                                              -- Rick Blaine, "Casablanca"  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: Patrick Parker
Subject: Re: It hurts like hell
Reply-To: pharmacy@epx.cis.umn.edu
Organization: University of Minnesota
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1992 21:35:34 GMT

In article <188ddiINNdlb@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> mmb@po.CWRU.Edu (Melina M.
Barreca) writes:

>I know that I have to pick up the pieces now.  I have to reassemble them
>into what I want to be, and with the help of God and my friends, maybe
>the glue will stick a little longer.  :)

Exactly.  I know SOOOOOO many people that want to slide back into the
comfortable, secure relationships that they had because they're too afraid to
move on.. but you have to.  In most cases (but not all) the reason people split
and go separate ways is because they probably aren't right for each other. 
There's always that period of time afterwards where one person ends up going
through hell, feeling like they've made the biggest mistake of their life, but
hey, you make it if you got some good friends.

I went through it, thought I blew everything.  But after that period of time
(differs depending on person and circumstances) I'm glad I made the decision I
did.  Hey, the single life is irritating in a lot of ways, but at least I'm not
bumming on decisions I made.

Patrick Parker
Organization: Sophomore, Physics, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 03:21:38 -0400 
From: Rob Earhart <earhart+@CMU.EDU>
Subject: Re: Nice Guys?
	<18qbciINN5r3@sixgun.East.Sun.COM>

tlr@penguins.East.Sun.COM (Tammy Roncadori - Administrator Sun Washington D.C.) writes:
> I really don't think that "nice guys" are out in the cold.

  I'd have to agree on this one... it took a few years of being a Nice
Guy until someone noticed, but eventually I managed to snare a
beautiful, intelligent, witty, wonderful lady simply because, as she put
it, I was far nicer than the guy she was dating when we met.
 
  It even lasted as a long distance, alternating friendship/romance,
relationship for about a year, simply because she'd break up with me to
date someone, discover he wasn't as nice, and plead until we were back
together, and say how sorry she was, etc... (and of course I'd say that
yes, I still loved her, because I was a nice guy, and I did, which was
probably a bit dumb in retrospect).

  (Of course, you know the ending to this: she found another nice guy,
and we haven't spoken in three months. So now I have a few more years of
waiting, I guess... :(

  Church, eh? Hmm...

  -Rob
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: cl129501@ulkyvx.louisville.edu
Subject: Re: Nice Guys?
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 18:42:12 GMT
Organization: University of Louisville

In article <18qbciINN5r3@sixgun.East.Sun.COM>, tlr@penguins.East.Sun.COM (Tammy Roncadori - Administrator Sun Washington D.C.) writes:
> 
> I really don't think that "nice guys" are out in the cold.  Women could
> ask the same of men.  Why is it that they only "go after" bubble headed
> beach blondes with a figure that just won't quit (and nothing in that
> head but a bunch of peroxide)?  I really feel as if it is all in the
> perception.  You obviously haven't meet any of the right people for you
> hence, the feelings you are experiencing now.  Don't give up, there are
> people (of both sexes) who are asking these same questions and doing
> something about it.
> 
> 
> Tammy

Believe me, Tammy, some of us guys ***--- DO ---*** get sick and tired of beach
babes, buxom blondes, and all of that other b.s.  Someday men will realize
(like I did) that if they're attracted to girls because of their bods, that's
all they're going to get.  No serious relationship, no dates, nothing.  Just
meaningless sex.  That's it.  As far as I am concerned, I am lucky that I could
not "get any" and have accepted that fact and, in fact, have become about sick
of thinking about meaningless sex.  :)

Just another facet of my personal life story for you to ponder :)
-- Darren Embry
   cl129501@ulkyvx.louisville.edu
   cl129501@ulkyvx.bitnet <-- BITNET
From: npp@skybridge.SCL.CWRU.Edu (Nitesh Patel)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: LJBF songs
Date: 14 Sep 1992 00:23:39 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: marina.scl.cwru.edu
X-Post-Machine: marina.scl.cwru.edu

In article <1992Sep10.095726.25907@news.iastate.edu> bron@iastate.edu (bronwyn) writes:
>Kim Dyer:
>Type 5 - The Revenge 100.
>  My favourite from this list: "(You ain't worth the) salt in my tears"
>			(Who sang this???)

>Ohhh yeah.  Wonder how many people have gotten speeding tickets listening
>to this song??

^^^Got 3 in one month, boy-o-boy, got 10 pts on my DL....
   
Nitesh....
just doin' 75 in 25...and still its not speedin'..Ha..


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: caldwem@jacobs.CS.ORST.EDU (Twiggs)
Subject: Re: SO met through the computer. Anyone else ?
Organization: Computer Science Outreach Services - Oregon State University
Distribution: alt
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 92 06:34:34 GMT

usenet@inesc.pt (USENET News System) writes:


>	Well, the story is this:

>		I met my actual SO through the computer, in school. We started 
>	talking with each other with VAX Phone, and we were going along
>	real fine. The problem was that it was becoming almost an obsession, 
>	and we spent as much as 7hr/day sitting in the computer rooms.
>	We study in different schools, so we still didn't knew each other for
>	real. But this was to end. The big day arrived, we went out together, 
>	both kinda nervous (if the REAL thing proved dissapointing, it would be
>	hard for us to be able to talk again). And, well, it just couldn't've
>	been better. 
>		We *STILL* went along fine, and well, one thing leads to another.
>	Somedays later, we were each other's SO :).

>		Is there anyone else out there who met his/her SO through the
>	computer ? It would be fun to hear similar cases.

>----
> joao Pedro Martins, Lisboa, Portugal - jota@tutor.UUCP
> 
> "Carpe Diem, she muttered, and laughed. We seize the day.	
>  Well, sometimes, the day seizes back !" (Psychodrome) 


Michael and I met on IRC and still spend many hours together, There It,
is a very good why to spend time together, becsese we are about,5000 miles
apart, and yes we have met in person, April i went to Germany to meet him,
we had not sent photos of each othere so we only, knew what we looked 
Liked by what we told each other, I will say i was a little, nervouse but
knew that even if the love was not there we would stay good, friends always

  We were friends frist and knew we could not lose that, I got to 
  Frankfurt and only knew to look for someone, wearing a red coat, black 
  jeans and a *big smile* and he looked for someone wearing jeans white
  shirt with Kolas on it and white coat, I saw someone and hoped it ,
  was him and walked up and called his name and he turn and said mine,
  I look at him and was so very happy about finding him we hugged,
  and a small kiss, and Michael handed me a wonderful red rose.

  We left the airport hand and hand with smiles on your face, and
  spent a wonderful month together and we still are together I hope 
  to go again there in March if not sooner, Michael and I spend sometimes
  8 or more hours together on IRC when we have to time but even,
  a hour is good letter are wonderful and phone calles but most,
  of the time we have right now is on IRC and i am so happy it is 
  here finding someone and falling in Love over a coumpter was very,
  odd but wonderful .
  And I think you anyone is thinking can this work my answer to 
  anyone yes it can but it is hard sometimes but to be so happy
  is worth a little work anything this wonderful is worth the work.

  Mary   
  root and Twiggs are a wonderful tree (tm) 
  channel #ourhome  :)         


  :
  :qw
   opps vi :)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Friendship first: Good idea or lost cause???
From: steiner@jupiter.cse.utoledo.edu (jason "Think!" steiner)
Date: 15 Sep 92 23:21:09 EST

well, it's definitely not a lost cause. (could have been in my case, had
i been any more dense.) it's a rather odd feeling looking at a close
friend, realizing she's interested in you & that the feeling is mutual.
that's especially true when you've been trying to get out of the 
habit of false expectations & become as self-confident/sufficient as 
possible. suddenly all those things you've been training yourself
-not- to think are there in living color. so i'm somewhat dazed, but
gloriously happy. and walking, typing proof that friends first
does work, tho not exactly when you might expect.

jason

--
`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`
`,` "I'd explain it to you, but your head would blow up." - S. Wright `,`
`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,` steiner@jupiter.cse.utoledo.edu `,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: gryphon@wpi.WPI.EDU (The Emotional Yo Yo)
Subject: Re: Romance? Romance!
Keywords: eeewwwww
Organization: Recursive Gravity Testing Ltd.
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 18:49:15 GMT

In article <+_1y2h+@rpi.edu> petitc@rpi.edu writes:
>In article <1992Sep4.130955.25908@wisipc.weizmann.ac.il>, jhsegal@wiscon.weizmann.ac.il (Livy) writes:
>|> Gee,I have an idea! What about posting some romantic things to this newsgroup?
>|> I know that on the last period ROMANCE isn't exactly what you may find here,
>|> but,you know,make an effort...huh? whaddaya say about it?
>|> Thanks,folks
>|> Livy

But you're missing the point...alt.romance is for the armed conflict of the two
camps of the world: the wide-eyed innocents who still believe that love is good
and romance exists and all will end happily, and the bitter, dark-souled fringe
element who know that love is evil and romance is dead and all things end in 
tears and grief!  It's not for the actual discussion of _romance itself_?!?!!

>
> Well, we could all post romantic stories.   How 'bout it?
>

*ralph*

Personally, I think that's a terrible idea.  It'd end up being another 
alt.sex.stories, only with longer candlelight scenes.

>-- 
>Trust:  A very precious social commodity, due both to high value and terrible
>scarcity.

:-)  I like this.

--G.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
   Natural Progressions to be Found in the English Language #247-11A:
          cat.......................................catapult
INTERNET: gryphon@world.std.com               BELLNET: (508)755-4675
SNAILNET: Benjamin D. Hutchins, 14 Dover St. #2B, Worcester, MA  01609
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: SO met through the computer. Anyone else ?
Date: 15 Sep 92 21:12:00 GMT
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <15SEP199215564540@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov>, afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison) writes...
>In article <BuLBJv.px@watdragon.uwaterloo.ca>, jwtlai@jeeves.uwaterloo.ca (Jim W "GrimJim" Lai) writes...
>>In article <8b0y-hk@rpi.edu> petitc@rpi.edu writes:
>>>  One question:  How in the world can you fall in Love when you haven't even
>>>seen the person yet?
>> 
>>One may as well ask: How in the world can you fall in love when you've only
>>seen the person (i.e. never met them)?

>YOU CAN'T ! You can only fall in love with what someone represents themself 

I had a friend once who said that we *shouldn't* "fall" in love, but "grow" 
into it.  Falls are so terribly painful.

-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: iac1@ra.msstate.edu (Ian Chen)
Subject: Re: SO met through the computer. Anyone else ?
Organization: Mississippi State University
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 04:43:18 GMT


Going along with the thread... i throw in another one for ya among the
ones along with the subject line... hmmm.. i wonder if she'll see 
this post..*grin* :)  no long stories, but that it'll be 21 months soon

following along the thread i thought i might post about the ldr mailing
list, for people in ldr's... if i remember correctly, the address is

  rainbow-request@lionet.wesley.oz.au

i'd post the faq, but i don't have it handy... plus i should be sleeping
and studying for that biochem test tomorrow.. :)

-ian
 
-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Ian Chen a.k.a. Merlin @ Quartz, IscaBBS, and MARS      iac1@ra.msstate.edu |
| Co-owner of the Official Fuzzy Blue Blanket (tm)        iac1@msstate.bitnet |
| "It's not that, it's the chemistry..."        Keep the candle burning...    | 
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@nuge105.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Romantic Songs Discussion list
Reply-To: petitc@rpi.edu
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy, NY.
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 19:51:51 GMT

Don't forget "One on One" by Hall & Oates
"No Can Do I" by same
"Almost Paradise"

And who could ever forget "Unchained Melody" and "Closing Credits" from Ghost
(the Closing Credits is the beautiful instrumental played at the obvious time).

And for the breaking-up list:

"Who's Crying Now" by Journey
"She's Like the Wind"

-- 
Trust:  A very precious social commodity, due both to high value and terrible
scarcity.
MATWDTM:  Mothers Against Teenagers Who Drink Too Much (failed name for MADD)




Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: buick@belay (Patrick D. Buick)
Subject: Re: LJBF again
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 19:07:44 GMT

In article <1992Sep1.092522@cs.bham.ac.uk> jml@cs.bham.ac.uk (Jane Littlehales) writes:
>From New Woman magazine, Sept 1992, p15
>
>'Men are three times more likely than women to misinterpret friendliness as
>sexual interest and are then twice as likely to think they were deliberately
>misled.'
>
>One reason for men to feel LJBFed more than women?
>
>Jane

Maybe I have been socialized differently since I was part of a female group in
high school (aagghh Gender Identity problems.. [sigh... sly grin....]), but
if anything, I go too far in the other direction... [generally glum expression..
pensive mood... deep breath.. continue] to my detriment... in relationships,
anyways.

I don't say it, but I certainly receive the LJBF, but I suspect (on reflection)
that it may be due to a perceived (by the woman) reluctance on my behalf to
pursue the matter when in actuality it is simply caution.

The advice has been put forward to develop a "dark side", but it just isn't me..

Oh well, I'm fairly happy anyways... (~~ 80%), so I'll finish my degree and get
on with what I *want* to do and things should improve.. :-) :-)

Patrick
-- 
==========================================================
Patrick D. Buick EMT, EET | Internet: buick%belay.uucp@uunet.uu.net
Belay Enterprises Inc.    | Internet: buickp@cuug.ab.ca
Calgary, Alberta, Canada  | UUCP:..keyword!calgary!pixel!belay!buick
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: jwtlai@jeeves.uwaterloo.ca (Jim W "GrimJim" Lai)
Subject: Re: SO met through the computer. Anyone else ?
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 22:52:43 GMT

In article <8b0y-hk@rpi.edu> petitc@rpi.edu writes:
>  One question:  How in the world can you fall in Love when you haven't even
>seen the person yet?

One may as well ask: How in the world can you fall in love when you've only
seen the person (i.e. never met them)?
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@vccsouth02.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Nice Guys?
Keywords: nice guy syndrome
Reply-To: petitc@rpi.edu
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy, NY.
Distribution: alt.romance
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1992 14:54:12 GMT

In article <92Sep11.231507.30061@acs.ucalgary.ca>, panlilio@acs.ucalgary.ca (Victor P. Panlilio) writes:

|> I'm not interested in any woman whose judgment was so impaired
|> that she would be seeing men who are jerks and assholes. So that
|> makes me a harsh judge of character. So my standards are VERY
|> high. Maybe that's why I don't have a girlfriend right now, and
|> am not interested in having one unless she was the right one. I
|> don't play the "She'll do until a better one comes along" game,
|> which, unfortunately, is played by BOTH men and women, A LOT.

  Here here!  A lot of people do that, and that leads to a lot of fear.  Don't
all of us romantics want UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (within reason) from the person
we date.  Isn't that what the marriage vows are saying ("For richer or for
poorer, in sickness and in health"----can be said as "My love for you is because
of who you are, and I won't love you less for the things you do.")  I'm NOT
saying that you should throw yourself at the other person's feet, but I'm saying
that your love should NOT have strings attached.

  For example, let's take Joe and Mary Smith (creative names, yeah :&P ).  They
are happily married.  Now, Joe sees a pretty woman, let's call her Sue.  He
would like to talk about Sue with Mary, but there's an unwritten condition
("If you are attracted to another person, I'll love you less, and you've failed
as a husband.")  So, Joe keeps it buried within himself.  Now, he sees Sue again
(random circumstances), and has been worried about Mary "finding about" Sue, so
he talks to her.  She's a nice person, and understands.  They become friends.
Now, Mary finds her relationship with her husband is a bit less open, and it
becomes steadily less and less open, and more open with Sue.  So, they go on
a friendly date.  This leads to fighting between Mary and Joe.  So, Joe turns
almost totally to Sue for support.  The fighting becomes worse.  Joe sees his
marriage dying, so he gets a divorce.

 Make sense?

-- 
Trust:  A very precious social commodity, due both to high value and terrible
scarcity.
MATWDTM:  Mothers Against Teenagers Who Drink Too Much (failed name for MADD)




Newsgroups: alt.romance