From: chrisc@debra.dgbt.doc.ca (Chris Camfield)
Subject: Help!!
Organization: Communications Research Centre, Ottawa, Canada
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 01:03:34 GMT


Lately there doesn't seem to have been nearly as many posts requesting
help, so I think I'll take the plunge.  Be forwarned:  this is going to
be a pretty long post, as I may babble :)

At the end of last summer, I was going out one evening with a small
group of friends when we stopped for some ice cream, before heading
downtown.  We stepped into the store and were served by someone who
gave me quite a surprise - she was a girl who was in my class seven
years ago (from grades 5 to 8) and who I hadn't seen since...  I had
a crush on her from grades 6 through 8, but I don't think she knows
about that.

So we talked for a bit (one of the other guys in the group had also
been in the same class) and then our group went downtown... details
irrelevant, except that it turned me off of my friends a bit. :/

Anyhow, I wanted to see Michelle (that's the name of this girl) again,
and when I got home I remembered that in grade 7 or 8 she had lent me a
book, which I had never returned to her and which I still had!  So I
ransacked my shelves, found the book, and a couple of days later went
over to the ice cream store.  She wasn't working that day, but I found
out when and where she would be working, and the day after that went
over, bought some ice cream :), chatted a bit, and returned the book.
Unfortunately Michelle was going back to Montreal a few days later
(where she is studying) and I figured that it might a bit hasty to ask
her out (to coffee, or whatever) since there wasn't too much time
before she left.  So I asked if we could exchange addresses so that we
could write, and we did.  (Actually, she provided her phone number, I
would guess because she wasn't sure of the number of where she was
staying - see below - but I didn't notice until afterwards.  Highly
embarrassing :)

So a week and a half later I wrote her a letter and mailed it, which
eventually came back "no such address".  I checked the post office and,
sure enough, the address she had given me was wrong.  So I called, and
got the correct address from one of her roommates since Michelle was
out.  I rewrote the letter, and sent it off...  I asked her in the
letter (as a PS) whether she would like to meet for coffee if she was
in Ottawa during Thanksgiving.  (Which for us Canadians is in
mid-October.)  I included my phone number, since I didn't think she'd
have time to reply by mail before Thanksgiving.

Anyhow, I didn't get a reply from her until after Thanksgiving (I spent
the weekend a bit depressed by that), when she called me and explained
that she hadn't been in town for Thanksgiving, etc.  We talked to each
other a few times, about every two weeks, because I kept calling when
she was out.  I can't say our phone conversations were too
fantastic...  just chatting, and not more than about 1/2 an hour in
length.  Eventually I stopped calling however, because (get this) I'd
mentioned email in my letter, and in the latest phone conversation
she'd mentioned it and said she'd try (not being very familiar with
computers) to send me mail from the LAN where she had a lab.  So I 
waited for her to send me mail, and none came.  So I shrugged my 
shoulders sadly and sort of forgot about her.  (I still can't believe 
I did that; I seem to always want to label a motive to what people do 
or don't do.)

Several weeks later (and by this time it's the last week in November) I
was hammering away on my Greek History essay - due the next day - when
I got a call from her!  Unfortunately I was a bit busy, so I promised
to call her back that weekend, which I did... during that call the
topic of exams came up, and when they ended for each of us, and she
suggested that we ought to get together sometime during Christmas
break.

Then exams came along, during which I called Michelle a couple of times
and actually finally received a short email message from her.  Finally
Christmas break arrived and I came home on the Friday before Christmas.

I called Michelle on the Sunday following, thinking that I would ask
her if she'd like to go out for coffee, but she beat me to it - asking
that question, that is.  However, as she explained, her brother would
be there.  (Here's something that puzzled me - she said he would be
coming *if I wouldn't laugh at him*, and I said "why would I laugh at
him". ??? At first I thought maybe he was her younger brother, but as
it turned out he is older.)  We arranged to meet for coffee on 
Tuesday afternoon.

So after doing some last-minute shopping on Tuesday I met Michelle
and her brother and we drove over to a coffee shop where we (surprise
surprise :) had coffee.  Michelle's brother asked, since I hadn't eaten
lunch, whether I would like to go over to their place for a mini-pizza,
so after the coffee we drove over to their house where I spent the rest
of the afternoon.  When we were just about to leave, at about 6:30,
Michelle's mother arrived home from work, so I was introduced... and
she invited me to their Christmas Eve party, which I accepted. :)

As it turned out, the Christmas Eve party was a bit of a letdown because
I didn't get much of a chance to talk to Michelle - certainly not in 
private - though I did get to meet and talk to some of her relatives,
which was nice.  When I was leaving, I asked Michelle if she was going to
be busy that weekend, and since she said she was I said I'd give her a
call early next week then.

Unfortunately I was busy on Monday, so I didn't get through to her until
Tuesday, when I asked her if she would like to go see a film.  She said
that she thought that was "a good idea", but she was grabbing a ride back
to Montreal on Thursday, and after consulting with her mother (who
apparently was annoyed that Michelle wasn't staying until Sunday because
of things planned) said that she was going to be busy on Wednesday,
packing and running errands for her mother.  So I didn't get to see 
her again before she went back to McGill.

Just to bring things completely up to date, I called her on Monday to say
"hi", and we chatted for a bit then and on Tuesday because she had to go
eat dinner when I called on Monday.  Also, I should mention I am not 
going back to Waterloo until May, because I have a co-op job in Ottawa.  
So I'm only two hours away from Montreal instead of eight or nine...

So... the question is, what do I do now?  I have discussed this with a
couple of net-friends on a MUD I frequent, both before and after the
Christmas break.  The first one suggested that I mention that I had had
a crush on her in grades 6-8, as an icebreaker, when I saw her at
Christmas (as she thought it would probably be flattering).  Unfortunately 
I never got the chance to talk to Michelle in a one-on-one situation, so 
that never got said.  The other friend with whom I talked to, just a
couple of nights ago, said that I should probably try to meet with her
face-to-face as soon as possible, and probably also thought mentioning
the crush might be a good idea.  (But certainly not to push for anything,
but just to let her know that I like her.)  The only idea I've had about
how to see Michelle without putting a lot of pressure on her would be
to visit my relatives in Montreal and Hudson (nearby) who I didn't see
at Christmas, or take the trip to Montreal to go see some exhibit at a
museum there (unfortunately I don't know all the museums there are or
what exhibits there are)... and then I could say that I'm going to be
in town, and ask if she'd be free that weekend.  The actual getting
to Montreal is also a problem, as I can't drive, so I'd have to either
take the bus, get a ride with one of my parents (unlikely even if I 
was going to see relatives), or get a ride with one of my two cousins who
live in Ottawa and might possibly be visiting Montreal/Hudson themselves.

I don't quite know what she thinks of me:  just an old acquiantance, a
friend, or as a possibility for anything more.  I wish I'd got
the chance to talk to her just by myself over Christmas *sigh*

Questions?  Advice?  Comments?  Suggestions?  PLEASE!!!

Thanks!
  Chris

PS Please don't do a follow-up to this and quote my entire article.  Either
do a follow-up without quoting, or send me email if you want to be able
to refer to the text.
-- 
Chris Camfield (chrisc@debra.dgbt.doc.ca)
 "So piece by piece we lay foundations
  Of the stuff we use for language
  It is awkward, it is dirty, but it's all we've got to work with" (JB)