From: SILVERI@QUCDN.QueensU.CA (Silver Tiger)
Subject: Set the WayBack Machine (Coming Out)
Organization: Queens University at Kingston
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 02:42:13 GMT

Posted to:  soc.bi, alt.polyamory, & BISEXU-L
 
Well, here's an interesting set of events that occurred recently in my
life...
 
Sherman, set the not-so-way-back machine to 10 nights ago, New Year's
Eve, 1992, where we'll find me attending a New Year's party with the
local fidonet sysop types, up here in Kingston, Ontario, Canada.  With
me, is my wife, Anastasia, and my OSO (other significant other), Timber
"Gene" Wolf.  (nb:  Gene is legally changing his name to Timber Wolf at
some point this year, therefore "Gene" is what I consider his assumed
name now, and Timber to be more his real name.  It's definitely more
real to him, as he chose it.)
 
One operator notices I've got an arm around each of them, and asks me,
"Ian, I notice that you've got an arm around her, and ... an arm around
him..."
 
"Yes..."  I say innocently.
 
"Um," he asks hesitantly, "Which one do you like more?
 
"I like them about equally," I answer, chuckling internally at the
absolutely perplexed expression on this man's face as his brain tries to
wrap itself around that concept, and what it implies.
 
= = =
 
Moving forward to yesterday, January 9, 1993, sometime in the afternoon.
Anastasia, Timber, myself, and my mother are all in the Salmon Run Mall
in Watertown.  We're about to say 'so long' to Timber as he has to get
back to Syracuse, and the rest of us have to get back to Kingston.  My
mom notices the pink/blue triangle pin I wore on my leather jacket
today, and asks, "I noticed your pin, what is it?"
 
"I'll tell you in the car," I said.
 
Timber reaches over, lifting the bit of collar the pin is attached to
and says, "I want one of those too.  You got that in Boston, didn't
you?"
 
"Yup.  I'll see what I can do about getting you one," I said, smirking.
 
Mom, Anastasia and I all got in my car, and started heading back to
Canada.  I was curious to see how long it would take mom to ask again,
so I let her get around to it.  Her curiousity does tend to get the
better of her.  }:]  About ten minutes later, she asked, "Now, about
that pin, what is it?"
 
Flashing through my mind went those silly Zima advertisements, 'Nize
Pin...  What iz it?'  I had to zurpress a laugh as I said, "Bisexuality
Pride."
 
"Oh Ian..." says my Mother in her best 'shocked and dismayed' voice,
"Why would you wear one of those?"
 
Saith me, "Maybe, because I am."
 
That's a real conversation stopper, let me tell ya.  You don't get that
kind of reaction when you tell them you've lost your job, or you've had
a car wreck, this one's a real doozy.  Anyhow, a rather shocked silence
descended in the cabin of the car, as Anastasia sort of cringed
half-expecting an explosion of some sorts.  Based on how my mom reacted
a few years back when I told her I was getting married, this cringing
was perfectly understandable.
 
I drove on, wondering if I'd have trouble explaining a corpse in the
back seat of the car at Canadian Customs, and decided to make sure this
wasn't the case.  "What, did you die back there or something?" I asked.
 
"Well, it is a bit of a shock..." said the maternal unit, convincing me
that she was still in the land of the living, at least mostly.
 
I went on to treat her (and the situation) as if this was a perfectly
normal and reasonable revelation, much like "It's nice day", "My but
you're tall", or "So this is it, we're going to die."  [ With apologies
to Douglas Adams ]  }:]
 
You know what?  It helped immensely.  The fact that I refused to treat
this like some deep dark secret, set the tone for her acceptance of this
fact.  I told her in the conversation that followed, that she HAD asked
me, and I was NOT going to lie to her.
 
After taking Anastasia home (she wasn't feeling well at the start of this
day to begin with), I went over to my mom's place, and helped her swap
her upstairs and downstairs televisions around, while talking with her
about this, and she seems to be very accepting of the whole situation.
 
She needed some re-assurances that I was safe, sane, and my marriage
wasn't on the rocks.  *chuckle*  She also figures Anastasia is Bisexual
as well, or she (Anastasia) wouldn't be so understanding of my own
sexuality.
 
I wasn't about to correct that rather faulty line of logical thinking,
that implied that in order for Anastasia to accept my bisexuality, she
must be bisexual herself.  Anastasia *IS* bisexual, and I'd be splitting
hairs about the causes of her acceptance of me.
 
"Let her deal with it in bits for now," I thought to myself.  The
important and larger 'coming out' was accomplished, and that's fine for
now.
 
Mom wants me to not wear the pin, as she fears for my safety in
public, due to those who don't get along well with people in the
lesbigay community.  Not likely - I refuse to hide what I am, and I
refuse to live my life in fear.  Life *IS* risk, and there's a hell of a
difference between existing and living.  I prefer living.
 
Anastasia is currently insisting over my shoulder that I add that I
simply look like someone people would rather not mess with.  I suppose
with a B7 beard, longish braided hair, the leather boots & jacket, I'm
starting to look a lot like a biker.  *laugh*  So much for the classic
stereotype of what a bisexual male looks like.  }:]
 
= = =
 
With that, I'll sign this post off here, I'm getting long winded.
 
Bright Blessings,
--
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