From: foleye@xanth.CS.ORST.EDU (Stilt Man)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.pro-wrestling
Subject: FWF:  Titan vs. Truck
Summary: The Invincible Titan Morgan defends the World Heavyweight Championship
	against Big Truck Vader.
Date: 13 Apr 92 23:38:02 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Oregon State University

With a project such as the FWF, there is one thing that is good.  That is
the fact that I may, on occasion, sit back, do something completely off the
wall, and I don't have to worry about whether anyone else in my position is
being more dignified.  :-)

Case in point:  the current angle in WCW with Sting and Big Van Vader.  Thus,
we bring you from the FWF, a World Heavyweight Championship match between
the Invincible Titan Morgan and Big Truck Vader, who will be accompanied to
the ring by Harley Pace.

It took the FWF a long time to find a big enough, strong enough, fat enough
dude who was stoned enough on PCP to do the work required, but we got 'im.
Anyone who is looking for serious FWF stuff might want to hit the 'n' key
now, because this one is shamelessly intended to be humorous, a la "Real
Men, Real Fans . . ."


In a recent FWF match in which Titan Morgan, the World Heavyweight Champion,
was defending his title against "Crimson" Joe Reed, a little bit of inter-
ference took place.  Cringer, if you will show us the clip . . .

========================== 

A big fat guy in a black mask that is little more than a collection of straps
with coveralls that mix red and black comes into the ring and kicks Morgan
off.  The official quickly calls for the bell . . .

( *** Jim Ross commentary mode on *** )

"Oh my gosh, it's BIG TRUCK VADER, coming into the ring; he just hammered
the champion off of Reed.  Oh, no he's got a chair, Vader with a chair into the
back of the head!  Morgan is hurt!  He's lying on his back.  Reed's getting
out of the ring, but the story is Morgan lying with his back exposed.  Vader,
off the ropes . . . Oh, no the VADER BOMB!  First the Kentucky Backsmasher,
now the Vader Bomb to the back of the Invincible Titan Morgan!  Vader's trying
to break the back of the World Heavyweight Champion!

"Vader picks Morgan up, OH MY GOSH HE'S GORILLA PRESSING HIM!  THREE HUNDRED
AND FIFTEEN POUNDS!  He slams him down, kicking him until he's diagonal in
the center of the ring!  Vader's climbing the top rope!"

(Vader, at this point, is screaming something on the order of "NO PPHAAANE!!")

Ross-mode continues, "Vader, off the second rope, OH MY GOSH, get some help
out there.  He's completely demolishing the World Champion!  Morgan is hurt,
and I'm afraid he's hurt badly.  Harley Pace is coming out, raising Vader's
arm in victory, as help finally come from the locker room; but Morgan is
hurt, and he's hurt badly!  The jury is out; how much damage has been done
do Morgan's back?  He's hurt, and he's hurt badly . . ."

[ad infinitum about "hurt and hurt badly"]

( *** Jim Ross commentary mode off *** )

==========================



Vader . . .

"When I came to the ring and destroyed Titan Morgan, I felt no remorse!
>grunt<  I feel no pain!  >oomp<  Morgan, I'm not just going to beat you!
>ugh<  I'm not just going to destroy you!  >ackh<  I'm not just going to
take your title.  >augh<  I'm going to make you feel >grunt, grunt< pain!
(Holds wrist Berzerker-style)  Huuuurrwwwh!"


Morgan . . . 

"You know something, TitanManiacs, when Truck Vader came to the Charleston
Civic Center, and blatantly interfered in my match, he showed just what
kind of a coward he is!  He attacked me from behind, and I saw the cold
red eyes, just like the cold blood in his veins, brothers.  This man is
just like the Charles Mansons and the Sid Justices of the world, Maniacs!
And when he took that steel chair in his hands, and whacked me on the back
of the head, it felt like the world had come to an end.  This man is a
menace to each and every human being that ever sets foot into an FWF event!
Now, Truck Vader, it comes down to you and me, and the title is beside the
point!  I've got the easy task here, Vader!  All I've got to do is beat a
465-pound lunatic!  You've gotta beat me and every last one of all my
millions of TitanManiacs all across the country and all across the world!
When I walk away from the arena, I will remain the World Heavyweight Cham-
pion, and you will be just one more dust mote blown in the face of the
hurricane that is TitanMania.  Mess with the best and you fall like the rest!"


Without further ado, we go to the matchup . . .

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Low-pitch rock music seems to come in on the wind at the Knickerbocker Arena
in Albany, New York.  A huge man parts the curtains, wearing a gigantic
futuristic metal mask-helmet, carrying a long staff with a skull on the
tip.  The helmet is quite handy in deflecting the shower of decomposed
vegetation that is hurled his way by the marks.  The hardcores, as well, are
not particularly happy with this man, for challenging a great technical
grappler with sheer size and strength.  But he and his manager, Handsome
Harley Pace, bear out the jeers, choosing to listen to the ring announcer,
Alfred Grinchley.

"THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!  IT IS
SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL.  INTRODUCING FIRST, THE CHALLENGER, COMING DOWN
THE AISLE.  FROM PARTS UNKNOWN; HE WEIGHS FOUR HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE POUNDS:
BIG TRUUUUUUCK VAAAAAADER!!"

He is perhaps the strongest man in the FWF, demonstrating it by gorilla
pressing his opponent in this matchup when last they met.  The man walks 
to the ring with the utmost confidence, and sets his mask on the outside
of the ring next to his manager, revealing a second mask which is not so
much a head covering as it is a collection of intersecting straps.  His
red eyes match well the red and black coveralls with which he covers his
girth, and his huge size belies his strength and relative quickness.

"NO  PPPHAAAAANE!!" he screams.

As if in answer, the tune of "Eye of the Tiger" breaks over the PA system
at the arena, and the fans' voices turn to one in-unison cheer for the
man in gold and azure who parts the curtains, stopping a moment in sheer
awe at the adoration they give him.  The large golden belt is around his
waist, the World Heavyweight Championship.  This man is the best in the
FWF, and it says so right across his waist.  The Grinch performs the second
half of his opening introductions.

"AND HIS OPPONENT, FROM VENICE BEACH, CALIFORNIA.  HE WEIGHS THREE HUNDRED
AND FIFTEEN POUNDS.  HERE IS THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION:  THE INVINCIBLE
TIIIIITAN MOOOOOOOOOOORRGAAAAAAAN!!!!"

The Grinch has a hard time speaking over the roar of the fans, as the
World Champion makes his way down to ringside.  Truck Vader holds one
wrist in his other hand, shouting incoherently at Titan Morgan.  Morgan,
for his part, tears the shirt from his chest, revealing an unmarred
radioactive orange Promethian physique.  He takes the bandana from his head
and tosses them to either side of the aisle before he enters the ring, still
wearing the Championship belt.  This he quickly surrenders to the official,
who has no time to display it for the crowd before Vader makes his attack.

He flies at Morgan, clutching his huge hands around the champion's neck.
The official, with his own hands full of gold, quickly hands the title
over to the timekeeper and runs over to put a disqualification count on
this blatantly illegal hold.  Vader waits until four, releases, then
starts in again.  Wait until four, again.  Morgan grabs around the head,
trying to put on a headlock, finally gouging Vader in the eyes for a
four-count of his own before making it away to catch his breath.

Vader rubs at his eyes a second, and while he is doing so, Morgan throws
caution to the wind and clotheslines him.  Vader goes nowhere.  "NOOO
PPPHAAAAANE!!"  Morgan almost chuckles at this, and scoops the guy up.
He is aiming for a body slam, but Vader shifts his weight a bit forward,
overbearing the champion easily.  One!  Two . . .


Morgan kicks out, barely able to get himself out from under the 465
pound man.  Harley Pace shouts at the referee about slow counting,
but the official doesn't listen, for Vader is again using a choke on
Morgan.  He drags the Titan over to the ropes and presses his foot
down onto Morgan's throat, eliciting yet another four count from the
official.  Now, he presses the bottom rope across the Adam's apple,
getting another four count before he releases.  Morgan rolls outside
the ring, coughing and sputtering on the mat outside before he is
able to make his way to his knees.  Inside the ring, the official is
going into conniptions with Vader, warning him that the next choke
will mean a disqualification.  Vader is hardly listening, of course,
and leaves the ring to go after Morgan.

Vader picks Morgan up, seeming to go for a body slam, but instead
lifts the man up in a gorilla press!  He slams him down on the thin
mat outside the ring, leaving Morgan with a sore back.  Fans call to
mind the beating Morgan received in the back in Vader's earlier
assault, and boo at the monster heel vehemently.  The hardcores are
even madder than the marks, for the wrestling in this match has been
nil thus far.  Vader puts Morgan back into the ring, with a wordless
yell at the ringside spectators before going in himself.

Vader is stalled by a Morgan fist to the midsection, which has no
effect.  "NOO PPPPHAAAAAANE!!" comes the now-stale shout.  "NO PPHANE!"
He lifts Morgan up into a body slam, carrying him in his arms, then
tucks his head down for a power slam!  Morgan twitches a little, but
then is unmoving as Vader goes to the ropes, sets up for the elbow
drop . . .

And hits empty canvas!  The fans are ecstatic, as Morgan comes up,
with a reverse knife-edge chop that knocks Vader back!  Morgan grabs
the huge man's arm, twisting it around.  Vader's expression does not
change!  Morgan turns it into an armbar, then quickly darts behind
the man with it, latching onto the other arm, pulling up in a double
armbar back suplex!  Vader heaves up slowly, and comes down beside
Morgan much less gracefully.  But he does come down, and Morgan seems
to have stunned him for a moment.  The chant starts to go up . . .

"DDT!  DDT!  DDT!  DDT!  DDT!"

Morgan cups his hand to his ear, hearing what they want, as Vader
slowly comes back to his feet.  Morgan grabs him in a front facelock,
and throws his weight into planting the top of Vader's head on the
mat!  Vader is too big to flip over with it, but he stays there all
the same!  Morgan covers him for the pin . . .


And gets only ONE!

Vader instantly makes his way back to his feet, shouting the clarion
"NOOO PPPHAAAAANE!!!"  Morgan stands, staring at his unfazed foe in
disbelief.  For a brief instant, before Vader clotheslines him over
again.  Vader jumps up and down, making a loud "WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM"
on the ring, reminiscent of a certain prototype in the WWF.  He runs
to the ropes, and executes a vertical splash down to the sternum of
the champion.  The official starts his three-count, but Vader stands
up off of Morgan before he gets to three.  He comes off the ropes,
and lands a second vertical splash!

Morgan is completely unmoving, and the marks have written him off.
The World Heavyweight Champion is now Big Truck Vader, as far as
they're concerned.  Vader picks up Morgan, hefting him overhead in
another gorilla press easily, slamming him down hard at the side
of the ring.  He covers the Titan.  One!  Two . . .


Morgan's foot reaches the ropes, and Vader seems to smile at the
thought of punishing him some more.  He shoves the champ outside
the ring and follows immediately.  He picks Morgan up by the hair
and shouts to the God of Smoke and Fire.  He drags the Titan over
and lets him get blasted by the acrid vapor that suddenly issues
from the helmet that lays at ringside.  The official runs out and
shouts at Vader, yelling another warning of disqualification at
the gigantic man.  "NOOO PPPHAAAAAAAAAANE!!!" is the answer.  This
guy really has a one-track mind.

Vader rams Morgan's head into the steel barricade at ringside,
grinding his forehead back and forth along the top edge of it.
Before long, a gash has opened on the Titan's forehead that spills
red blood all across his face.  Vader knees Morgan in the ribs,
hurting him a bit more after the two vertical splashes weakened them,
and shoves him back into the ring, where he lies there like a dead
thing.  Vader hoists him up into one more gorilla press slam,
dropping him on his back in the center of the ring this time.  He
goes off the ropes, and leaps up, dropping all 465 in a Vader Bomb
on the Titan!  He hooks the leg, as the referee counts.  One, two . .


MIRACULOUSLY, by some incredible freak of God and booker, Morgan
kicks out!  Blood sprinkles everywhere from his forehead as he
shakes his head in spectacular rage and disgust that this blob would
think to so easily pin him!  Two vertical splashes, two gorilla
presses, a gash on the forehead and a Vader Bomb?  Ha!  He's seen
worse in the late night movie!  (Of course, those people were dead.)

Vader half-lifts his whole mass off the mat as he hammers down at
Titan Morgan.  He only stares, shaking his head.  The fans are
electric in their excitement.  Vader hits him again, as he rises to
one knee.  Morgan again only shakes his head.  A third strike, and
Morgan is on his feet in rage, shaking his fists as well as his
head as he walks around the ring roaring in fury.  Vader hits him
again as he turns back to the huge man, and the finger is up in
his face, wagging away.  Vader tries another shot, but Morgan
blocks it, grabbing behind Vader's head.  Morgan scoops him up,
and does a standing power slam on the mat, turning Vader about
45 degrees, but still getting him up.  He goes off the ropes, and
lands the indomitable Leg Drop of Doom!

One!  Two!  Three!

The fans go bananas at this completely impossible and unexpected
victory . . . .

(Pause for laughter)

. . . by Titan Morgan, as the Grinch comes onto the PA system with
the announcement . . .

"HERE IS YOUR WINNER, AND STILL WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, THE
INVINCIBLE TIIITAN MOOOOOOOORGAAAAAN!!!!!"

Morgan watches as Vader leaves the ring, and the ref hands him the
belt once more.  This one is over, all but the posing.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------


I have a whole collection of "hopeless mark" buttons waiting here for
pinning on anyone who actually didn't see that ending coming a light year
and a half away.  At any rate, there's what I think of the Sting vs.
Van Vader feud, and for that matter, any mega-face vs. monster-heel angle
that goes on in any federation.  If there's a monster heel, at least put
him against a Titan Morgan so they can leg drop him and get it over with.

Let this be a lesson to all the monster heels out there:  you may be
invincible, but just keep in mind that the booker is more invincible.


 __________________________________________________________________________
|Stilt Man --Never ask a mortician to go out and bring you back a cold one.|
|  foleye@xanth.cs.orst.edu						   |
|__________________________________________________________________________|
| Any and all suggestions for wrestling characters, possible plotlines, and|
| other such perglurbage are welcomed and, in fact, encouraged.            |
|__________________________________________________________________________|
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