From: tal691@huxley.anu.edu.au (Tonio Loewald)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.drwho
Subject: (WS) Australia's _The Late Show_ Dr. Who Skit!
Date: 17 Dec 92 08:30:52 GMT
Organization: Australian National University
NNTP-Posting-Host: 150.203.2.12
Summary: A transcript of the Dr. Who scrit ofxxx

Hello folks,

I thought this would be of interest to people on this news group.  The
Australian TV satire show, _The Late Show_, recently did a skit on
Dr. Who.  I was out that night (sat. 12 December 1992), and so I taped
it.  When I saw it, I knew I'd have to keep it.  IMHO, it's an okay
skit, right until they get to _Wuthering Heights_ and... but I'll let
you find out.

I transcribed the skit off my tape.  The following is a fairly accurate
copy of the skit as broadcast.

_THE LATE SHOW'S_ _DR. WHO_ SKIT:

(broadcast 12 December 1992, transcribed by Widya Santoso 16 December 1992.) 

Cast:
 
Dr. Who - Rob Sitch
 
Lethbridge-Stewart - Tony Martin
 
UNIT Soldier - Jason Stephens
 
Three Daleks
 
Unknown Dodgem Car Minder
 
and an Announcer
 
Announcer: This week on ABC-TV it's the long awaited return of Dr. Who!       

(Dr. Who, Lethbridge-Stewart and UNIT Soldier enter Tardis set.)

Dr. Who: Here we are, Brigadier.

Lethbridge-Stewart: My God, Doctor, it's extraordinary!  We've stepped into
what appeared on the outside to be an ordinary telephone box, but which inside
looks like a tacky BBC set, made of tinfoil, coloured plastic and cheap
flashing lights!

(explosion)

LS: Doctor, what's happening?

DW: We're under attack!

LS: What can we do?

DW: Well, the normal procedure is to run from side to side, bumping into
things and screaming.

LS: Oh, all right.

All: WOOOOAAAHHHHH!!!!!  (Etc., etc.)

(The cast run from side to side, bump into things and scream.  The camera
tilts in sympathy, and in the right direction.)

DW: (at the Tardis console) My God!  It's my old enemies... the Daleks!  
They're closing in!

LS: Don't worry, Doctor!  Leave this one to the British Army.  (To the UNIT 
Soldier)  Sergeant, call out the men, have them run around in a completely
ineffectual manner, firing off weapons which are patently useless, until the
Doctor here makes us look like complete fools by coming up with an ingenuous
last minute solution.

UNIT Soldier: Right, sir!  (Rushes off, but returns when the Daleks appear.)
Oops!  Too late!

Daleks:  EXTERMINATE!  EXTERMINATE!  WE'RE SICK OF SAYING "EXTERMINATE"!        

(Dr Who is in the Daleks' sight.  He tries to rush off, but is hit.)           

LS: My God, Doctor!  You've been hit!

DW: Don't worry, Brigadier!  I'm a Time Lord!  As soon as I get killed I
simply regenerate, into a completely different person!

(A glowing light (FX) surrounds Dr. Who, as he regenerates.  He gets up)

DW: Ah, g'day!      

(The Doctor has regenerated into Peter Russell-Clark, an Australian TV cook
(a bit like Britain's Keith Floyd).  His trademark line is "G'day!")
(Dr. Who is exterminated (finally!))
(The Daleks advance menacingly)

D: NOW EARTHING!  YOU WILL OBEY!  UNIT FOUR!  WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!  (The 
Daleks bump into each other.)  MOVE OVER!  I CAN'T!  WE APPEAR TO BE STUCK!      
(Dodgem Car Minder enters.)

Dodgem Car Minder: All right, all right Number Four!  Foot off the pedal,
wheel to the right!  You're stalling up the middle!  [The final sentence is a 
little inaudible, due to audience applause.  This is my closest
approximation.]

(Daleks move away, crestfallen.)

A: And that's followed by Emily Bronte's timeless classic, _Wuthering
Heights_.

(Scene changes to hillside (OB).)

D1: HEATHCLIFF!

D2: CATHY!

D1: HEATHCLIFF!

D2: CATHY!

D1: HEATHCLIFF!

D2: CATHY!

(The Daleks bump into each other.)

A: And then, it's that beloved musical, _Singin' in the Rain_!

(A Dalek spins around a rainy street scene, a la Gene Kelly, singing "I'm 
Singin' In The Rain"!)      

D: (sings "SINGIN' IN THE RAIN".)  
 
The End...
 
Thanx for listening.

My name is Widya Santoso, not...
-- 
Tonio Loewald | tal691@huxley.anu.edu.au | Life is short. Be nice.
"You can lie/You can cry/For all the good it'll do you, you can
die/But when it's done/And the police come/And they lay you down
for dead/Just remember what I said" (Paul Simon-not the senator)