Newsgroups: bit.listserv.deaf-l
Date:         Tue, 10 Nov 1992 17:46:15 EST
From:         askwersk@ATHENA.MIT.EDU
Subject:      Re: deaf wish
              10 Nov 92 14:41:00 -0500. <9211102028.AA12942@Athena.MIT.EDU>

This is to the whole net:


	The discussion about wishing for deaf children raises an important
issue. Should parents be able to choose what kind of child they want?
What happens if they dont get the child of their dreams? etc...

	Here are some of my thoughts:

	A child cannot be born Deaf (that's capital D). It can be born deaf,
hoh, hearing, black, white, etc...but it cannot be born with the culture
already ingrained in them. This raises the questions of whether you want a
Deaf or deaf child? This is an important question to answer because if you
want the former, your child does not have to be deaf. If you want the latter
it does not have to be the former. In other words, Deafness doesnt require
deafness and and deafness doesnt require Deafness.

	From hereon, I assume the wish was for a 'deaf' child.

	In Genesis, God made people in his own image. Did that make God
selfish? Are you calling God selfish when you call parents wishing their
children to be like themselves? What makes it selfish? Is it the wishing
part or the part where we want them to be like us? I.E., does the act
of wishing make me selfish? If I wish for the Red Sox to win the World
Series, am I selfish? I dont think its the *act* of wishing that makes
a person selfish, but *what* you wish for. In that case when you say
'deaf people wishing for deaf children is selfish' you are really saying
'their wanting deaf children is selfish'.

	We have to define what we mean by selfish.
	The Webster definition:

	1.concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.
	2.seeking or concetrating on one's own advantage,pleasure or
	well-being without the regard for others
	3.arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in
	disregard of others.

	By the definition, it is then selfish to desire a child to be deaf
if it gives 'advantage, pleasure or well-being without the regards for
others'. Therefore, the question really is, is the parent withholding pleasure
advantage or well-being from the baby by wishing it to be deaf? Lets analyze
what happens to the child by wishing for it to be deaf:

	There is currently no scientific evidence relating the parents' desire
for their children to be a certain way, and the actual way in which they
will be born. I.E. a parents 'wish' does not affect the whether the baby
will be deaf. In this perspective, the wish is NOT selfish, since the wish
does not affect the baby.

	Now, lets analyze whether wishing for a child to be deaf takes withholds
advantage, pleasure or well-being, assumintgthat the wish comes true. First,
the reason the parent wished that way was probably because the parent was
deaf. If the parent is deaf, the parent should understand what it means
to be deaf, and the child has a very good source of support because the
parent has been through all the child has been through and understands
the pains and troubles. Is it selfish then to wish a deaf child to be born
to deaf parents? It seems not, but if you ask "Is it selfish for a hearing
parent to wish for a deaf child", the answer is "It seems yes", because
the parent might not understand the deafness.

	Lets analyze another part of the relationship between parent and
child which might be affected by the wish. If the parent and child are both
deaf, then communication would probably be much easier than if the child
were born to hearing parents, or if the child is hearing born to deaf parents.
In this sense, it is NOT selfish for a deaf parent to wish for a deaf child.

	I could go on and on and on analyzing cases this way, but I've
got too much homework to do, so analyze them yourself. if you come up with
a conclusion, then let us know in the List, but *please* dont jump in and say
'its selfish' without analyzing it first.

	Adam Skwersky
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.deaf-l