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Date:         Sun, 11 Oct 1992 23:22:34 +1000
              <AUTISM@SJUVM.BITNET>
From:         LNCJB@CC.NEWCASTLE.EDU.AU
Subject:      Re: CREATIVE DRAMA

Ray,

>   Yes I would say that Shawna seems at that level in respect to many
>social skills, although it's very different because I beleive she's
>going to be maturing a little early because there is also a strong
>"feeling" or sense of teenageness about her, even though she is just
>9 going on 10 this January.

This is quite possible..... I reached puberty two years before either of
my sisters. I was also considered 'mature' for my age in many other areas
during my early teens... often was mistaken for 18 at the age of 13/14 by
young male workmates of my father who complained of being pestered for
introductions. My older sister used to take me to rock concerts with her and
I was always embarrassed by the behaviour of my peers... such undecorous
behaviour was something I was unable to accept. My attitudes were extremely
rigid at that age and remained so up to the age of about 20. I had always
been convinced that I would die before I turned 20 (I have no idea where I
got this from) and so planned and lived my life accordingly, paying no
attention to things or people that weren't part of my 'life plan'. Turning
20 was the most traumatic day in my life up to that point. When I realized
that I wasn't going to die as foreseen and planned for, I was totally lost and
my whole world fell apart for a short time. I came close to having a nervous
breakdown and my behaviour became so erratic that I had to be tranquillised.
As I recovered from that episode, I learnt how to express my emotions - grief;
love; anger; frustration; etc. - all of which had been internalised over the
years but never allowed to escape. I shed the first tears over my mother's
death which had occurred two years earlier at this time. I mentioned this to
point out that being a 'controlled autistic' is not always beneficial to the
individual - sometimes I think it is better to let autistic children express
their emotions in whatever way they want (provided their behaviour is not
self-injurious) rather than trying to teach them that that is not the way
'normal people' behave. I allow Helen her 'temper tantrums' (often taking the
opportunity to have one myself. :-)) and these now seem to be less frequent
than they once were. Allowing her to feel and express her emotions I am hoping
will save her from the 'emotional desert' I experienced for so many years.

Now that I have digressed so far from the original topic, I might as well
throw in my latest conversation with Helen. At the dinner table tonight - out
of the blue:-

HELEN:     I want to change my sex. I want to be male.
ME:        What on earth for? Don't you like being a girl?
HELEN:     I want to be a boy again.
ME:        Again? When were you a boy before?
HELEN:     When I was one year old I was a boy named Jordan but now I am
           six I am the girl Helen.
ME:        I think girls are nicer than boys. (interjections from the peanut
           gallery)
HELEN:     I think I want to be like Mummy and not like you Tony! Hmmm... I
           like being me..... Helen. I'm going to stay a girl, Mummy.
ME:        I'm very pleased about that, Helen.

What can I say, except - that's my girl!

Carolyn
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