From: f0l8973@rigel.tamu.edu
Subject: Driving Crazy
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Texas A&M University, Academic Computing Services
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 02:29:00 GMT

"OK, here we go.  Let's start.  This is the steering wheel.  Be gentle with 
it. That is the brake.  Be familiar with it.  Anything happens, hit the 
brake first.  Yeah, just like that."

"Oh, honey, you're so smart.  How do I drive?"

"Be patient.  Now, this is the gas paddle.  You step on 
it to make the car go."

"Like this?  Oh, it doesn't work.  The car is broken!"

"No.  You got to start the car first."

"How do I do that?"

"You turn the key.  No, that one.  All the way to the end...all the way...
Right, right...OK, OK, OK!  Let go...No!  Don't turn it off, just 
release the key!"

"I'm sorry honey.  But I think you should tell me before I started."

"I am trying to, OK?  Relax.  Now try it again.  Turn the key,...OK, OK, 
release it.  That's it.  Heard the noise?  The car is started now."

"But, the gas paddle still doesn't work."

"Let go.  Don't try it yet.  First you have to engage the gear.  This is the 
gear.  The letter 'P' is for parking.  'R' is for reverse and 'D' is for 
driving."

"What is the 'N' for?"

"That is for neutral."

"What is neutral?"

"It's when the gear is not engaged in anything."

"What dose 'engage' mean?"

"'Engage' means engaging the gear."

"Ah hah, now I understand."

"Don't be sarcastic!"

"OK.  So when do you use the neutral gear?"

"When the car is neither been driven forward nor backward."

"Like now?"

"No, now we are parking the car."

"Well then, when should it be neutral?"

"Well, it's kind of complex.  All you need to know right now is 'P', 'R'
and 'D'.  You don't know enough to understand what is neutral yet."

"How about '2' and 'L' then?"

"You don't need to know them right now either.  Now all you need to know is 
the simplest functions.  You step on the brake, and then shift the gear to 
'D'."

"I can't.  The gear is stuck!"

"You need push down the button...like this."

"Oh, honey, your hand is so warm."

"Concentrate, will you?

"OK, sweetie...Ahhh!  The car is moving.  What do I do? What do I do?"

"Hit the brake!  Hit the brake!"

"The what?  Oh, I'm scared.  Help!  Honey help!"

"Hold on to the steering wheel!  Hit the brake! ... 
No! Don't go the way! ... Turn around! ..."

.....

"The car stopped!... What, why are you crying?"

"My car.  You just hit the tree."

"Just slightly."

"Just slightly?  Look at the dent!"

"Where?  That is just a scratch."

"A scratch?  Do you know how much the 'scratch' worth."

"Hey don't get mad, OK?  I am sorry."

"Sorry? you stupid!  You can't even drive a car?"

"What did you say?  I am stupid?"

"Yes, you are stupid!"

"You...I thought you were such a gentleman.  Now you start to show the real 
you.  If I knew you were so mean, I would never marry you."

"Oh, yeah?  If I knew you were so stupid, I would never take you as my wife."

"You...you...don't forget, it's you started chasing me first.  Why did you 
wait at the backstage every night?  I was the leading actress.  And you had 
to come along and ruin my career!"

"Your career?  Ha!  You begged me to take you to the U.S.."

"I begged you?  Why did you go back to China?  You couldn't find a wife 
here!"

"Hey!  Don't get nasty.  You think you are some kind of hot shot?  Why did 
you halted your so call 'career' to come here?"

"What are you saying?  You regret our marriage?  You want to divorce?"

"What?  You want a divorce?  Fine!"

..



Moral:  Don't ever teach your wife how to drive.