From: tse@foolish.apple.com (Gary Tse)
Newsgroups: soc.college
Subject: Re: This "Frat" discussion...
Date: 11 Nov 92 17:56:31 GMT
Organization: Raoul Duke School of Pharmacology and Journalism

With all this frat discussion, I think it's time for a repost of...

[the original author of this little gem is unknown to me.]

Usenet Guide To Power Posting 
-----------------------------

1.  Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't
*possibly* be that you're a fuckhead.  There's obviously a conspiracy
against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing
it.  Be sure to mention the CIA, FBI Oliver North and the Army as
co-conspiritors.

2.  Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #1.  Threatening a
lawsuit is always considered to be in good form.  "By saying that I've
posted to the wrong group, Charlie has libeled me, slandered me, and
sodomized me.  See you in court, Charlie."

3.  Force them to document their claims: Even if Jane Jones states
outright that she has menstrual cramps, you should demand documentation.
If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Jane's cramps, then Jane's
obviously lying.

4.  Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca
of USENET.  You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times
per article.  Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseam", "vini,
vidi, vici", "E Pluribus Unum" and "fetuccini alfredo".

5.  Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to
convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them?  State
that you're a member of Mensa or Mega or Dorks of America.  Tell them
the scores you received on every exam since high school.  "I got an 800
on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word
'premeiotic' ".

6.  Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person.  You've heard of
Freud.  You took a psychology course in college.  Clearly, you're
qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent.  "Polly Purebread, by using
the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of penis
envy."

7.  Accuse your opponent of censorship.  It is your right as an American
citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the net (as guaranteed by
the 37th Amendment, I think).  Anyone who tries to limit your
cross-posting or move a flame war to email is either a Communist, a
fascist, or both.

8.  Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent,
have you?  And since you're the center of the universe, you should have
seen them by now, shouldn't you?  Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST!  Call'em
an AI project, to really piss them off.

9.   Laugh at whatever they write.  A good "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"  
should intimidate just about anyone.

10.  When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other rules, remember this
one.  At some point during your wonderful career on USENET you will
undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better than you.
This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, make you
look generally like a bozo.  At this point, there's only one thing to
do: insult the dirtbag!!!  "Oh yeah?  Well, you do strange things with
vegetables."

11.  And, if all else fails, remember that you can always fall back on
the favorite defense of Soc.women: "Who cares what YOU think -- this is
Soc.WOMEN!".  Add "DAMMIT!" for effect.

12.  Be sure to have a cute signature that proclaims that you are a man
basher.  No one will respect you unless it's clear that you hate men.

13.  Call'em a "Pman" if you can't think of anything.  Tell the
linguists to stuff it -- YOU know a diminutive when you see it.

14.  Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your
lies sound true.  Preface your argument with the word "clearly."
"Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtball to boot."

15.  Cross-post your article: Everyone on the net is just waiting for
the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal.  From
rec.arts.wobegon to alt.gourmand, they're all holding their breaths
until your next flame.  Therefore, post everywhere.

16.  Use the smiley to your advantage.  You can call anyone just about
anything as long as you include the smiley.  On really nasty attacks add
"No flames, please".  When they bitch, call them an ass for not being
able to recognize sarcasm when they see it.

17.  Threaten to destroy Soc.men if your opponent refuses to give up.
This at least gives you an appearance of power, even if nobody on the
net gives a damn about what goes on in soc.men.

18.  Should you post something exceedingly stupid and later regret it,
don't worry.  You needn't cancel the article.  That only shows what a
wimp you really are.  Deny that you ever sent it.  "It must be a
forgery!" (Yea, that's the ticket, it's a forgery!) "Someone broke into
my account and sent it!" "It's that damn backbone cabal out to get me!"
Take your pick, they've all been used before.

19.  A really cheap shot is to call you opponent a "facist".  By itself,
it really does nothing.  But, when used often, and in enough articles,
it can make you a net-legend.

20.  And finally, never edit your newsgroup line when following up
(unless you're expanding it).  This drives 'em wild.  Be sure to follow
up as many articles as possible, even if you have nothing to say.  The
important thing is to get "exposure" so that you can be called a
"regular" in your pet newsgroup.  Never change the ">" symbol when
following up; that's for wimps.  Dump a hundred lines of "INEWS FODDER"
in every article.

Now that you know the ways to properly post on USENET, let's try an 
example:
-------------------------------------------
In article <1452@sab.ck>, Bill Netter writes: 

> Dear Sally,

I object to your use of the word "dear".  It shows you are a
condescending, sexist Pman.  Also, the submissive tone you use shows
that you like to be tied down and flagellated with licorice whips.

> While I found your article "The Effect of Lint on Western Thought" to be 
extremely thought-provoking,

"Thought-provoking"?  I had no idea you could think, you rotting piece
of swamp slime.  :-) (No flames, please)

> it really shouldn't have been posted in Soc.women.

What?  Are you questioning my judgment?  I'll have you know that I'm a
member of the super-high-IQ society Menstruate.  I got an 800 on my PMS
exam.  Besides, what does a Pman like yourself know of such things.
This is Soc.WOMEN, DAMMIT!

Your attempts constitute nothing less than censorship.  There is a
conspiracy against me.  You, Colin, Charlie and the backbone cabal have
been constantly harassing me by email.  This was an ad hominem attack!
If this doesn't stop at once, I'll crosspost a thousand articles to
soc.men.

> Perhaps you should have posted it in misc.misc.

It is my right, as granted in the Bill of Rights, the Magna Carta, the
Bible and the Quran, to post where ever I want to.  Or don't you believe
in those documents, you damn fascist?  Perhaps if you didn't spend so
much time sacrificing virgins and infants to Satan, you would have
realized this.

>  Your article would be much more appropriate there.

Can you document this?  I will only accept documents notarized by my
attorney, and signed by you in your blood.  Besides, you don't really
exist anyway, you Pseudo, you.

> If I can be of any help in the future, just drop me a line.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

> Bill.

*******************************************************************
Sally Sourpuss
"If we can send one man to the moon, why can't we send them all?"
Soc.women Women WOMEN, DAMMIT!
******************************************************************* 

-- 
Gary Tse, tse@Apple.COM		"The fascination of what's difficult",
(408) 862-5452  		    The wish to do what one's not done before,
				Is the proper card to show at Heaven's door.
Newsgroups: soc.college