From: eleanor@cbnews.cb.att.com (eleanor.j.evans)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: the "oh" experience
Date: 25 Aug 92 23:56:23 GMT
Organization: AT&T

Whoops!  Reality check time...

In article <1992Aug21.101842.776@specialix.co.uk> kamal@specialix.co.uk (Kamal Mortoza) writes:
>elf@halcyon.com (Omaha Sternberg) writes:
>
>  [...]. Jealosy is the product of insecurity...
>If a relationship has trust - it becomes insignificant. In piglet's case,
>where she isn't in a long term stable relationship - it will exist.

I don't really see length of time in the relationship as the 
determining factor.  For me, it's careful selection of partners,
and honesty that do the trick.

>As I was saying - YOUR relationship matured and you managed to shed the
>feelings that society conditioned you to feel. This - I still maintain -
>does not apply to new forming relationships where the trust element has
>yet to be proven. 

I wouldn't say that it's necessary to establish poly-amory within the
context of each "new" significant relationship.  If I am dating someone
for whom poly-amory is an option, we already now the basic ground-rules,
and can work out our own variations.  Kind of like when you're first 
learning how to date monogamously.  Monogamy is not a viable long-term
option for me.  I must therefore select partners for whom poly-amory
is a long-term option, and perhaps should even restrict myself to those
for whom monogamy is also not a long-term option.

>...You must however
>accept that with one as young as piglet sounded, the possibility of a
>deep stable trusting relationship - although not impossible - is unlikely
>simply because there hasn't been enough time for one to form. 

Piglet's not really young.  But thank you, anyway.  Of course, she's
not middle-aged, yet, either, just not a neophyte....  She almost,
but not quite, can no longer be trusted.

>>   Oh, I'll agree, that for ME anyway, threesomes can and are just as
>>fulfilling, at times, as one on one lovemaking. But it's not the only
>>way to go. There is the possibility that multiple relationships will
>>work, because they work for me and my husband. Try them, and if they
>>don't work, they don't work for you. Then try something else. Always
>>expirement...because after all that is the only way one learns.

Hi, Omaha!  I quite enjoy threesomes--at least, I did the one time
that could technically be called a threesome, but, might, on the
other hand, be technically disqualified.  I hadn't learned to aggress
sufficiently to find out if we could have moved in that direction,
though I'm convinced we could have, and would if I'd been more bold.
Or she'd been more bold.  He was bold enough for the both of us....
(There's something amazing about sex with a couple...)

On the other hand, my first time (and, I assume, quite a number of
subsequent times--when they occur--any volunteers?) with a woman,
I _definitely_ did not want a man around.  I had reached an odd
mental/physical state that I'd never achieved before, that's quite
different from sex with two others.  Mixed others.  Or possibly just
multiple others, I don't really know.  The situation is crying out
for practical experimentation...

Piglet
Newsgroups: soc.bi