From: storner@diku.dk (Henrik St|rner)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Advice needed-Bad comming out experience
Date: 22 Jan 93 22:43:44 GMT
Organization: Department of Computer Science, U of Copenhagen

mchan@oahu.cs.ucla.edu (Ming-Hing Chan) writes:


{a friend came out to his parents}

>They sent him to a psychiatrist to try to 'CURE' him. The worst thing is
>that the psychiatrist told his mother that he could change if he wanted to.

Hmmm - why doesn't he get another psychiatrist ? My parents tried pulling
the same stunt on me. Fortunately, they sent me to a guy who realized within
30 minutes, that my problem wasn't with my sexuality, but with my parents. So
he offered to have a talk with my parents and tell them, that if anyone
had a problem, they were the ones.

>His mom truly thinks that he can be cured.   She told him that it wasn't bad
>to have a disease as long as you try to cure it.  She said, "why don't you
>want to take some pills just like your father does to control his 
>high-blood pressure.'
>Her mom wanted him to date some girls.  She wanted him to give her 2 yrs
>to try dating girls.  She placed this guilt trip on him:  "I have
>done so much for you in my life, why can't you just give me 2 yrs. Just
>try dating for 2 yrs.  That's all I ask" -- his mom.  

>The worst thing is that his mom is really suicidal.  She cries almost every
>time he sees her.  His father said to him, "see what you've done to your
>mom, you little monster."  His father said that he had never seen her
>this way.  My friend is also very depressed too.  

Can't blame him for being depressed. But seriously, his parents do need some
kind of counseling. Trying to force their child into their own view of how
the world should be is - IMHO - plain sick.

If possible, your friend should leave his parents alone for a while. Don't
let them argue whether it is right or wrong, what he is doing. If they want to
talk about what this means to him, fine - but it must be based on the clear
understanding, that this is *not* something that will "go away".

Does he have any sisters/brothers who might be more sympathetic, then try
to get their help. They will of course be under some pressure from the parents,
but maybe they will be easier to convince that he is doing what is right for
him.

>What should he do?  He doesn't have many friends and he doesn't have any
>one close to talk to either because him parents made him promised not to
>tell anybody related or anyone who knows the family.  He is in a very bad
>situation with no one to turn to.  I'm just a casual acquaintance.

I would not let my parents decide who I could or could not talk to about
such an inportant matter. If there is someone that he trusts, talk to
him/her. Right now, what he needs is support from someone that knows him
and his parents. Letting the parents decide who he may talk to is yet another
way for them to control him - this is definitely *not* in his own best interest.

>On top of that, he has 2 homophobic roommates who suspect him to be gay and
>constantly harass him.  He had to go home every weekend (I think his 
>parents are monitoring him).

>Any advice to deal with this will be welcomed and forwarded to him.
>Email is preferred.

>Thanks in Advance

>Hing 

>-- 
>*-----*   Hing Chan  (mchan@cs.ucla.edu chan@gsaup.ucla.edu)
> \   / 
>  \ /     
>   * 
-- 
Henrik Storner (storner@olivetti.dk / storner@diku.dk)
Tech. Support
Olivetti Denmark