Newsgroups: alt.romance
Date: Wed,  7 Oct 1992 22:42:03 -0400 
From: "Alexander L. Hawkinson" <ah2j+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: pain...

Dear everyone out in netland,

    Help!  I am a student here at Carnegie Mellon University, and as the
world here goes on in it's mundane and business-like manner, mine seems
to be crashing down around me.  I have been with one person for the
better part of two wonderful years.  I can't and don't want to explain
something such as love that changes and varys so much from one couple to
another, but I can say that what she and I built together was true, the
kind of thing that I have always been looking for.  We go to seperate
schools, but see each other every other weekend during the academic year
and spend all of our vacations together.  Just two months ago we had our
future together after college (still a year away) planned out and were
looking towards it with a passion.  But then...

BAM

When she returned to college this year she found that one of her
teen-years, "mystical" romances had enrolled at her school.  She started
seeing him, and in a matter of two weeks decided that she needs to
continue to do so until she feels that things are "solved" between them.

Okay, I can deal to some extent.  Love goes beyond one's own personal
hapiness and if she really wants to explore something else for awhile
and that is what makes her happy, then that should be okay.  Shit
happens, and people can make mistakes.  It's all part of life...

But here's the catch...

She calls me at least once every couple of days and tells me tenderly
that she knows that I am the one that she wants to be with for the rest
of her life and that there is no one else in the world like me.  But
then she also says that it is just going to take time to work things out
with this guy.  She says that she knows that I am the one for her, but
then she continues to see this other person.

Can this happen.  Is she wanting to hold onto me as a security blanket,
as something comfortable that she can have after she has had her
excitement???  Or could it really be the case that she just needs some
time on her own to realize through experience that what she had with me
is what she is looking for???

To you, the unconnected outside minds, this entire situation may be
clear.  But to me, the insider, it is as confusing as hell.  I love her,
and I naturally could wait for her, but for those of you who have been
in or heard of similar situations, is it worth the wait?..

I keep thinking that if I just give her her space and relax for awhile
things will work out and she will realize that she is hurting me severly
and that if she wants to be with me, it is going to take a little more
effort than just following momentary desires.

But on the other hand, on the other days of the week, I go the other way
and think that if I allow this to escalate she will build something with
him as she did with me.  If there isn't any "one" person for you out
there in this world, then it is a real danger that by letting her drift
away, I am letting go of something wonderful when I could have done
something about it.

So, should I give up on her, and go on to someone who will love me in
return as hard as I can love them.  Or should I wait...

If you have any ideas, please respond.  There is this energy of
passionate confusion building up inside of me, and if I don't figure out
what's going on soon it is going to start destroying other aspects of my
life, including my hopes, dreams, and ideals.  Arrrrggghhhh...


    /-\lexander