From: ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra)
Subject: Frightening t.b Halloween ideas asked for and received
Organization: t.b
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 01:16:07 GMT

ag349@yfn.ysu.edu (David S. McMeans) writes:
>   I should also mention that the 'theme' of my room is Hell, so the more
> hellish the better...
>
>   Some ideas I'm toying with:
>     *  the visitors turn a corner and stumble upon a prone body, sufficiently
>        mutilated (as much as I can fake).  There's also a pile a fresh
>        vomit near the head.  Smells like vomit too.  (I'm not sure how to
>        do this one)

     Way passe.

     Ok, try this.  The visitors turn a corner and enter
a dimly-lit room, where you've recreated the following as
much as you can fake:

     * Richh and Starcap'n Ra are dressed in drag on
       all fours, a butt harp strung between them.  As
       Karen plys the bow, saltgirl whips them with
       a cat-o-nine tails and Jennie the English Major
       recites Byron in a somber tone.  morissa is making
       a sketch of saltgirl as maria remarks to her how
       men really can be amusing if you give them half
       a chance, doesn't she agree?

     * nj stumbles onto the scene, picks himself up,
       brushes himself off, and keeps right on walking
      
     * mjd is snarling like a mad dog as he gnaws
       at morissa's leg in between swigs of Jameson's

     * JTEM's cat circles menacingly, trying to decide
       who's dick to make a run for next

     * Carasso is whispering in Gooley's ear.  Gooley
       to the cat, plaintively: "Choose me, choose me!"

     * Lippert is in a corner chopping up heads of
       cabbage with a Ginzu knife, carefully arranging
       bowls of cole slaw for the guests

     * Kent has built a miniature monorail around the
       entire room on which he's riding the rolling
       surfboard's he's installed around and around
       and around and around and around, continually
       chanting "Just say NO!  Just say NO!  Just say NO!"

     * cj is at a desk counting coffee stirrers.  "Two
       hundred thirty-eight thousand five hundred
       seventy-two, two hundred thirty-eight thousand
       five hundred seventy-three..."

     * Rob-Dobs is up to the hilt in greg, who is having
       a halfway-decent orgasm, the "I'd rather be on
       the Seine sketching and picking up French babes"
       bumber sticker pasted on his ass notwithstanding

     * St. Terri has Dfan's latest song on a tape which
       she keeps playing over and over and over.  As
       she rewinds the song each time, she beams, "I just
       can't tell you all how much I simply love my boy's
       latest song!"

     * mrx, impeccably fitted in a black tuxedo, is porting
       a tray of flourescent orange drinks, the smoke from
       which bubbles over the tray, down his legs, and along
       the ground for 10 feet in all directions from his
       feet.  When he offers your guests a drink and they
       say no thanks, he smiles:  "Oh, but I do insist."

     * Woodsie is in a corner repeatedly hitting himself
       in the head with a 2x4 and yelling, "*PLONK*  I first
       *PLONK* read netnews sometime shortly *PLONK* before
       October, 1982, when the USENET map was still a silly
       *PLONK* ascii graphic.  *PLONK*  When am I *PLONK*
       going to finally *PLONK* write something other than
       *PLONK* a plonk post *PLONK* or a one-liner that
       everyone *PLONK* can see coming for miles *PLONK*
       away *PLONK* *PLONK* *PLONK*"

     * SDA chuckles and offers:  "Don't worry, woodsie,
       American fashion is always slow in reaching England."
       Woodsie DOESN'T GET THE JOKE.

     * The legendary Bonehead, wearing metal gloves and
       a T-shirt with "I wuined John F. Woods' life on
       1 Octobew 1987" on the front and "Somebody in
       Milwaukee loves me" on the back, is standing in
       a corner fucking the living shit out of a porcupine.
       The porcupine is having a halfway-decent orgasm.

     * Three people with "canetoad@uucp rules" T-shirts
       on keep wandering around asking anyone who will
       listen: "Hey, doesn't anybody want to guess where
       we live?  Hey!  Hey!"

     * The Ramones show up.  Lippert says, "Hey, I got
       front row tickets!"  Schnitzius says, "No, no,
       no!  You don't just 'get' front row seats at
       a Ramones show.  You fight for them, and the
       right to keep them.  Trust me."  Lippert does,
       and gives Schnitzius the tickets.  Schnitzius
       chuckles to himself over Lippert's naivete as
       he sets himself down in the front row.  Suddenly
       ljd, dressed out in leather, a mohawk, and chains,
       crashes the front row, picks up Schnitzius, whips
       out a knife and cuts a hole in the back of his
       jeans, and and fucks him like a rag doll.  Schnitzius
       has a halfway-decent orgasm.  Hearing about it back
       at his cabbage stand, Lippert says, "Should've said
       front FUCKING row!"

     * ajd has set up shop and is deepfrying a batch of
       Buffalo finches for Lippert's cole slaw 

     * rigler takes a handful of lsd, waits for midnight
       and a full moon, and then starts looking for
       a 12-year-old boy to fuck while riding a surfboard
       and eating his membrane.  Failing to find one, he
       settles for Kent on his monorail.  Kent has
       a halfway-decent orgasm.

     * Dave Hill shows up screaming, "You people are
       ALL FUCKED!"  He seems to have a point.

     * Sho, wonderfully dressed in the classiest casual,
       sits at a beach cabana table sipping a Singapore
       Sling though a straw in a frosted glass with an
       umbrella on top, somehow above it all.  "Sho?" asks
       one of your guests.  "No, honey.  Personality X.
       I'm back and so what.  Now go fuck yourself, sweet
       thing."  Much to the surprise of the rest of your
       guests, she whips a battery-powered dildo out of
       her purse and starts to do just that.  Sho is
       looking on approvingly as though he expected
       nothing less, when the guest's fiance stops her.
       "Honnneyyy, what are you *doing*?!"  Sho glares at
       the fiance as though he'd just made a mindless
       followup, which of course he had.

     * gypsy shows up and she's pissed

     * sparky is having the fuck of his life with the
       most outrageous hardbodied blonde on all fours
       any of your guests have ever seen.  Suddenly his
       ex-wife bursts in, pulls him off, and his dick
       starts spurting into the air in shock like a fish
       out of water.  The fuck of his life turns into not
       even a halfway-decent orgasm.

     * rpwhite take over where sparky left off.  Just
       as he decides he's having the fuck of *his* life,
       two Navy MPs stride in, announce he's under arrest
       for alleged homosexual activity, pull him off, and
       his dick starts spurting into the air in shock like
       a fish out of water.  The fuck of *his* life turns
       into not even a halfway-decent orgasm.

     * Gooley spots the opportunity he's been waiting
       for, climbs onto the hardbodied blonde, and has the
       fuck of his life.  Literally.  And from what he's
       read, he's even pretty sure he has a halfway-decent
       orgasm.  Unfortunately after that, having lost his
       curiously interesting angst, everyone loses interest
       in him and he's universally killfiled and no one in
       t.b ever pays any attention to him again.
       
     * Eyeing the entire scene from a small window in the
       door, Jonathan Byrd, obviously moved, finally turns
       away and walks home in the cold night knowing that
       somehow his appreciation for life has been enhanced,
       but not being quite sure how or why.  Going over it
       all in his mind later that night in bed, he masturbates
       and has a halfway-decent orgasm.

--Starcap'n Ra       {ames,gatech,husc6,rutgers}!ncar!noao!asuvax!kennedy
                        {allegra,decvax,ihnp4,oddjob}--^
                                          ^---------------The Wrong Choice
                             internet: kennedy@asuvax.asu.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre