From: rohwerwd@netcom.com (Mr. Tickle Monster)
Subject: Re: Pre-Sex Contract
Organization: The Tickle Palace - Moonyvale, CA
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 03:16:54 GMT

In article <1992Dec16.221202.11882@gvl.unisys.com> liz@vfl.paramax.com (Liz Loquacious) writes:
>In article <1992Dec16.073753.27294@netcom.com>, rohwerwd@netcom.com (Mr. Tickle Monster) writes:
>|> In article <1992Dec15.163407.5960@netcom.com> desiree@netcom.com (Desiree Champagne) writes:
>|> 
>|> >	Has the thought occured to you that perhaps she's reevaluated
>|> >the sitatuion given a "today scenario" and realized that the stupid
>|> >contract you've (basically) forced her to sign isn't realizable given
>|> >a new set of circumstances (i.e., a bun in the oven)?
>|> >
>|> 
>|>      Lets say that the situation is reversed.  Instead of adoption I will
>|> use abortion.  She and I agree that there will be an abortion if an
>|> unplanned pregnancy occurs.  After she gets pregnant, I change my mind and
>|> say that I want the child.  Legally, she can ignore my wishes and have the
>|> abortion.  She does have the abortion.  Do you see the double standard?
>
>No.  Do you really think the decision affects you as much as it affects her?

     Yes, I do.  If she decides to have the child against my wishes and
breaks the agreement, then I am liable for child support, which I calculate
to be about $110,000 over 18 years.  Here in the Silicon Valley, that money
is about 40% of a house or 7 cars.

>Are you deciding to risk being bedridden for months, swelling up like 
>a waterlogged Weeble, sleeping while sitting upright because of permanent
>heartburn, possibly losing your job, progress in school...face it- Baby doesn't
>just appear; there's a pregnancy involved that involves real risks.

     If she has an abortion, then she will reduce her risks.  I have seen
some of the figures on the Net.  Not all women are bedridden during their
pregnancy; most are on their feet.

>And there's a lot to what Desiree says about reevaluating the situation given
>a "today scenario".

     I agree half and half.  I change my mind on some things, but if my change
of mind effects someone else, then I make sure that the other person and I
can agree to do the change.  If the other person objects, then I will not
change.

>The reality of a pregnancy is a lot different that the
>hypothetical.

     True.

>  I wouldn't have anything to do with someone who wouldn't "allow"
>me to follow my heart in the matter if my feelings changed after and due to a 
>bun in the oven, so to speak.

     That is your perogative.

> And yes, if the new dad-to-be had a change of
>heart I'd want to know but it's my health and life that's on the line, not
>his so I do not see the double standard.
>

     Well, my life on the line, too, in terms of how well I can live.  By
her changing her mind, she determines how well I live, which I do not want.
So, there is a double-standard.

     Why would a woman decide to have a child, although she knows that
the man does not even want the child?

>|> 
>|>      The negotiated agreement shows that a woman and I take
>|> responsibility for our past actions.  Legally, since she does not have
>|> to be sensitive to my changing needs if she wants to abort and I want to
>|> keep the child, why should I be sensitive to her changing needs?
>
>Ever try a relationship based on mutual respect and compassion instead of
>this quid pro quo crap?  
>

     I have and no the relationships have not worked out.  If any one of
them worked out, I would have been married by now.  Of course, now
I have no idea if I want to get married or stay single.  I don't really
see what the benefits of getting married are.

     I came up with the idea about a pre-sex contract, earlier this
year, toward the end of one of my relationships.  If you send private
email to me, I may give you a summary of what happened.

-- 
"Blind faith in your leaders or anything will get you killed." B. Springsteen
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