HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: REPOST: Funny Noises
Date: 28 Jan 1993 00:57:53 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov
Keywords: timing is everything (sigh)

In article <1993Jan27.215203.8296@sol.UVic.CA> rigler@dao.nrc.ca writes:
>
>     After that, I guess I panicked.  I got out of the water fast 
>and the bizarre swishing noise faded away while I ran home.  But 
>what the hell was it anyway?

Wow!  Killer buds, eh?
--scott
From: gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Craig Shergold)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: thinking about
Date: 28 Jan 93 22:39:41 GMT
Organization: The Fetzer School of Pthphth
X-Mailer: mail-news 2.0.3

(   ) One of the London papers made a big fuss about the report that University
 ) (  suicides were usually worried about excess of work, shortage of money, or
(   ) either excess or shortage of sex.  Any rational human being would realise
 ) (  that this is because the rest of us are also obsessed by work, or by sex,
(   ) or by money, or all three.  Of course it may be that journalists are not.
 ) 
(   Hey this is really cool how you got the margins straight and all on
 )  both sides and I can't see that you put extra spaces in the 
(   lines to do this.  

Pah.  There are no words longer than ten characters.  Well, eleven.  That
means the natural line breaks have to be within ten columns of each other
and there are only five lines so it is sure to happen in one out of every
ten thousand posts anyway.  So this must have been ten thousand and one.
___
Damn.
From: eradm@wbst845e.xerox.com (Erik Radmall)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Short, Metaphysical Beef
Date: 25 Jan 93 20:36:33 GMT
Reply-To: eradm@wbst845e.xerox.com
Organization: Xerox Corporation

If everything is one, and one is everything, then I am both the
poster of this letter, and the letter itself, which would really
be two things. Or is my logic all wrong here?

---
Erik Radmall -- Erik_Radmall.wbst845e@xerox.com
From: gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Craig Shergold)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: the end of the world news
Date: 25 Jan 93 18:33:31 GMT
Organization: DNA-Rod, Genetic Manipulation and Chromosome Massage Parlour
X-Mailer: mail-news 2.0.3

You know how it is when you are not quite listening to the radio and you catch
the end of a news item?  This one finished with the words ``...measures, which
include restricting the hours that central heating can be left on, and banning
parking along both sides of some streets.''  I confess inadequate imagination.
___
At least, I think that was what he said.
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu (Mark-Jason Dominus)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: I have been ripping out seams somebody else made tonight
Date: 24 Jan 93 18:18:05 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania
In-reply-to: gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk's message of 24 Jan 93 03:45:03 GMT

In article <9301240345.AA16492@prg.ox.ac.uk> gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Hilda
Tablet) writes:
>   Two options seem to present themselves: either we can find something
>   other than rubbish to dispose of in the otherwise surplus bags;

Dispose of the surplus bags by stuffing them into the surplus bags.
--

   Nihil tam absurde dici potest, quod non dicatur ab aliquo philosophorum.
Mark-Jason Dominus 	  			    mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 15:24:35 EST
From: <CSD108@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: A challenge!
 <1ji5dhINN66q@master.cs.rose-hulman.edu> <1jivf8INNcj8@phakt.usc.edu>
 <73975@cup.portal.com> <93020.165658CSD108@psuvm.psu.edu>
 <C1A7FD.5LC@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM>

In article <C1A7FD.5LC@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM>, jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F.
Woods) says:
>
                         BRIDGET, THE TEMPEST AND TODD
>>>>>
 The wind picked up and Bridget's print skirt wheeled towards her
 as her anal cavity opened. While furniture flew through the air and
 the grand piano came crashing down the stairs; she let out a fart and
 it was all melody, and the piano struck a dissonant chord, composing
 beautiful music as it approached its strenduous death upon the floor.
 She turned suddenly and saw Todd approaching with his  slender, shapely
 legs, his bosom heaving with emotion.  "Oh no," she cried, "the marmalade
 has gotten all over the thingmajig. Hey, Todd! What are you going to do
 with those

--Craig
(took out most of the >'s)
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu (Mark-Jason Dominus)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Recognition at Last
Date: 23 Jan 93 16:57:59 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania


Another person recognized me as Leon Trotsky last night.
--

   Nihil tam absurde dici potest, quod non dicatur ab aliquo philosophorum.
Mark-Jason Dominus 	  			    mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu
From: osa@wilbur.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: In reality....
Date: 27 Jan 93 09:40:42 GMT
Organization: Springfield Elementary School
NNTP-Posting-Host: wilbur.unh.edu
In-reply-to: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU's message of 26 Jan 93 20:35:02 GMT
X-Advertisement: Use Emacs


Rob Dobson <rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU> writes:

  Rob: IN REALITY, i am married to a short skinny woman named Bob. yes, no,

Eliza: Why do you say that?

  Rob: wait, yes, in reality we live in a small beaver lodge with a woodstove

Eliza: I don't understand.

  Rob: and a bed, yes, thats it, the room is very small but warm and homey.

Eliza: Is it because warm and homey that you came to me?

  Rob: we have three children, all of them female, none of them human. my

Eliza: Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

  Rob: best friend is the little dude who lives in the water fountain, but

Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?

  Rob: he never likes to leave his pad and go out for a drink.

Eliza: What makes you believe he might want to leave?

[Next time on In Reality: join us as Rob and Eliza discuss private
matters. Rob loses temper, Eliza loses control.]

--
...so the whole story is completely untrue... big hoax! ha ha ha....
From: echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: spleen belts
Date: 22 Jan 1993 22:10:46 -0800
Organization: <censored>
NNTP-Posting-Host: aludra.usc.edu
Keywords: from alt.spleen

In article <1jqmn7INN9qe@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> apn2@po.CWRU.Edu (Aaron P. Nielsen) writes:
)
)when I was taking a drivers ed course with a friend of mine
)several years ago, we were subjected to the wonderful movies of 
)highway accidents.  Seeing the body parts strewn around the road,
)we were suddenly struck with the horrifying thought that carmakers
)may have neglected to provide adequate protection for a persons spleen
)as it stands, the seat belt with lap harness is quite unacceptable
)to protect one's spleen from permanent harm.  In order to remedy this
)atrocity, we have designed the "Spleen Belt, patent pending" to protect
)the most valuable spleen.  Because of the easy chance for blunt trauma
)to the spleen, a padded belt with mini-airbag was created to be worn
)around the sholders and waist. (yes, it covers the general area of the
)spleen).  anyway, it was powered by a micro nuclear power generator
)in order to inflate the airbag.  This self contained system would 
)work even in the event of electrcal failure in the car.  
)
)To make a long story short...
)
)PLEASE BUY ONE, it could save your life, or the life of a loved one.
)
)-- 
)Aaron Nielsen       -I tell them if they will occupy themselves
)apn2@po.cwru.edu     with the study of mathematics they will find
)                     in it the best remedy against the lusts of
)                     the flesh.  -Thomas Mann


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mlegare@wetware.com (Budd Hazard)
Subject: Re: See BoBteCh Act!
Organization: The Flying Killfile Ranch
Distribution: ba
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 06:41:26 GMT

mlegare@wetware.com (Budd Hazard) writes:

] See BoBteCh, renouned adjective, perform in the Restoration Comedy
] THE ROVER, at the Lucie Stern Theater in Palo Alto.
] 
] Wed - Sat 8pm, Sun 2:30 (except Superbowl Sun, when it's 7pm)
] 
] tix direx etc 415 329 2623
] 
] You Must See It
] 


stupid me.

forgot to tell you WHEN.

wed-sat jan 27-30 8 pm, sun jan 31 7pm, fri-sat feb 5-6 8pm.


-- 
if one falls on you,
we just carve your name on it
and leave it there...
mlegare@wetware.com
From: vail@tegra.com (Johnathan Vail)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Pony's Progress
Date: 22 Jan 93 18:41:50 GMT
Organization: Tegra-Varityper, Inc. Billerica, MA



In article <1993Jan20.215248.29515@sol.UVic.CA> rigler@dao.nrc.ca (Michael Rigler) writes:


   I sometimes pull my hair into a short stubby one myself, but unlike you
   I can't get my side hair to stay in place.  The first passing breeze 
   whips up every strand that isn't firmly held down and leaves me looking
   like Marlin Brando in "Mutiny on the Bounty."  Hours later, when I happen
   to catch a glimpse of my reflection in a window, I experience a painful 
   stab of frustration which passes soon enough but leaves me with a vague 
   desire for death.

   Experience has taught me that there exists no solution.   "Why not just 
   grow your hair longer!" you sneer.  But I tell you it just won't grow any 
   longer.  The last haircut I had was back in 1990 (involuntary mowhawk).
   Since that day the finest hair stylists with the most authentic U.K.
   accents have lovingly laboured over my head with every ounce of skill 
   they possess and spared not a drop of their expensive organic potions.
   And I have watched in despair as, one by one, each of these proud
   professionals has hung his exquisitely coiffured head in defeat,
   muttering weak and suddenly accent-less excuses.  PAW!!! 

this doesn't give me hope because this is my problem as well.  The
front hair is down to my chin but is about an inch shy of proplery
joining the pony tail.  feh!  do I have to get some kind of *cut*
where its short in front and long in back?
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: 10-word controversial poem
Date: 24 Jan 93 19:15:40 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620


 So,
 What is so
 Good about the
 Grateful
 Dead,
 Anyway?

Jason
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: bcash@crchh410.BNR.CA (Brian Cash)
Subject: Miserari enim nupta
Date: Wed, 20 Jan 1993 22:04:50 GMT
Reply-To: bcash@crchh410.BNR.CA (Brian Cash)
Organization: Bell-Northern Research Ltd.

I'm best-man at a wedding that will be held in May.
I need something bizarre to say for the toast.
Any suggestions?


Brian /-|-\

PS If you have a reply, then post it.  If not: don't.  I don't see
   why I have to keep explaining this to you...all I wanted was a 
   Pepsi.
From: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: relief at last
Date: 22 Jan 1993 05:46:09 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc4.ins.cwru.edu


In a prev article, awells@lynx.dac.northeastern.edu (Andrew V. Wells) says:
		   ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>hasta la vista, el prezidente ground shrub. at the cia they
>are crying. 

 awells@lynx.dac.northeastern.edu -- anagram (@=i)
***************************************************
   Aw, Clint*n exhaled, you artless nerd!!
***************************************************

-- 
=======================
"Endeavor to persevere"
=======================
From: jws5@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (JUSTIN WINSLOW SOLONYNKA)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: funny names for private parts
Date: 23 Jan 93 03:55:11 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

(JASON GIRARD) writes:
>Hi,

No, not right now.

>    An ex of mine out Penn State wrote to say that she's taking a sex ed class
>    and has an assignment to think of names for male and female private parts.
>    She asked me to help her think of some, so I'm asking you guys for some
>    interesting names!  Anyone??
>    Jason
>                      Anarchy-it's the only way to live!!!
>                               jcg2@lehigh.edu

I'm beginning to understand why Lehigh is on so many killfiles.

sol
--
From: drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: SME turn down
Date: 21 Jan 93 07:28:35 GMT
Organization: Castle WetWare Philosopher and Sniper


recently someone was trying to get volunteers
for electronic interfacing between precollege students
and SME {Subject matter experts} and I volunteered
to be a resource on toppling governments and destablizing regimes.

But they turned me down.

was it something I said?

ciao
drieux


-- 
MajorModernDayProblems: 

sometimes, a thing will happen after another thing, 
and they may not be connected.....
From: hirschgm@cnsvax.uwec.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: help groups
Date: 24 Jan 93 13:14:37 -0600
Organization: University of Wisconsin Eau Claire

What we really need is a Deities Anonymous.

"Hello, my name is Thor, and... uh...  I am a Thunder God."

					--Joachim
From: hirschgm@cnsvax.uwec.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Need Help
Date: 24 Jan 93 13:11:52 -0600
Organization: University of Wisconsin Eau Claire

In article <1993Jan23.205555.5466@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU>, rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson) writes:
> 
> Quick, will someone marry me, retro-actively to 1992?
> 
> -rob, just got my tax forms
> 

Ask Jane...  Being married might help keep the lesbians off her back.

					--Joachim
From: eradm@wbst845e.xerox.com (Erik Radmall)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: A challenge!
Date: 20 Jan 93 18:43:28 GMT
Reply-To: eradm@wbst845e.xerox.com
Organization: Xerox Corporation

In article 1jivf8INNcj8@phakt.usc.edu, echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150) writes:
> J. F. Waldby writes:
> >L. Stewart writes:
> >>                         BRIDGET, THE TEMPEST AND TODD
> >>
> >> The wind picked up and Bridget's print skirt wheeled towards her
> >> as her anal cavity opened. While furniture flew through the air and
> >the grand piano came crashing down the stairs; she let out a fart and
> it was all melody, and the piano struck a dissonant chord, composing
> beautiful music as it approached its strenduous death upon the floor.
Suddenly, a shot rang out!
From: rdc30@nmrdc1.nmrdc.nnmc.navy.mil (LCDR Michael E. Dobson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Making a C to PostScript compiler with GCC
Date: 28 Jan 93 18:31:07 GMT
Organization: Naval Medical Research & Development Command

In article <9301262119.AA29680@osnome.che.wisc.edu> epperly@osnome.che.wisc.edu (Tom Epperly) writes:
>I was wondering how difficult it would be to make a C to PostScript
>compiler with GCC.  Could this be done by writing a GCC machine
>description file for the PostScript language?  Can someone describe if
>this is feasible and how difficult it would be?
>
This is my favorite posting of the week so far.

		"Lemme program that SilentWriter in C!"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.religion.computers,rec.arts.startrek.misc
From: fulton@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Ben Fulton)
Subject: Re: What in the world?
Followup-To: misc.test
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 18:31:12 GMT

In <1jp65sINN8la@master.cs.rose-hulman.edu> operjfw@HYDRA.ROSE-HULMAN.EDU writes:

>are these:

>"Macintosh is irrelevant.
>FORTRAN is irrelevant.
>XYWrite is irrelevant.
>Resistance is futile.
>You will be assimilated."

Ways to cause the Borg to be defeated?


WARNING: FOLLOWUPS DIRECTED TO MISC.TEST


-- 
ben
fulton@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Bloomington, IN)

and
From: osa@wilbur.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: A famous novel that never was.
Summary: I'll mail-bomb the first one to point to the obvious pun.
Date: 27 Jan 93 14:57:53 GMT
Distribution: talk
Organization: Springfield Elementary School
NNTP-Posting-Host: wilbur.unh.edu
X-Advertisement: Use Emacs


     Athos: One for all, all for one!
   Porthos: One for all, all for one!
    Aramis: One for all, all for one!
D'Artagnan: Hey, dudes, check out the babes!!
     Athos: One for all, all for...
   Porthos: One for... hey... 
    Aramis: One... uh...
D'Artagnan: What?
     Athos: Well, do you have any... pills?
D'Artagnan: What pills?
   Porthos: You know, the kind that makes ...
    Aramis: ... sort of like abortion, but ...
     Athos: ... not quite ...
   Porthos: ... but almost like ...
    Aramis: ... and yet ...
D'Artagnan: I thought... Wait a minute! Are you for eighty six? 
	    We just said one for...
     Athos: Screw that! One for eighty six...
   Porthos: ... eighty six for one! 
    Aramis: ... Vive la France!
D'Artagnan: I'm not playing. I'm outta here. I'm out! And you can all 
            go to hell!!!

--
...so the whole story is completely untrue... big hoax! ha ha ha....
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: girl pursued by lesbians needs your help
Date: 22 Jan 1993 03:48:04 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: mamba.cs.berkeley.edu

In article <1993Jan20.154018.102191@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> jjh4@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (JANE HORVATH) writes:
>
>can anyone tell me how to make lesbians stop hitting on me?

Yes.  Yes, Jane, it's true.

This here country is going to the dogs.

Why just look here at this.  A Federal Judge done ordered the
great state of Colorado to give special rights to homosexuals.
In Putney Springs Illinois it's illegal to beat up queers with
baseball bats.  Same in Texas.  Man did that, innocent young
man, and got six months.  In jail!  Oh, the horror of it, it
makes me sick but I am weak, I have no way to fight back
against those who deny God's will.

And now a Rand Corporation study reveals what we have long
suspected: there are homosexuals among us.  Yes brothers and
sisters I do not want to hurt you but I tell you true, the Rand
Corporation does not lie.

Some of them were even _born_ here.  Here.  In America.  In
these poor sad corrupted United States of America.  They could
be your children, brothers and sisters.  They could be.

And as we all know we just got a faggit-lovin hick as President 
of the United States of America.

Things are bad and there ain't no denyin it.

Fortunately, fortunately I say though in our predicament it can
be hard to see the hand of Fortune, fortunately God has given
me the strength to strike a small blow against these evil
creatures..  Using the inventive power and good blueprint
skills that He gave to me I have come up with a work that will
protect your person from the graspin fingers of the Devil.

I call 'em GAY-BAN Sunglasses and they are guaranteed.
Guaranteed!  For two years and we even have an extended
warranty available at a nominal charge.  Now what they are is
just sunglasses except they have a little message over the
nose, on the frame that is, you cain't read it less you get
real close.

We got two models.  For you good sisters out there, want to
protect yourselves from the evil temptations of Satan, we got
the "FOCK OFF DOIK" model.  Only $44.95 and you don't have to
pay no tax less'n you live in Georgia.  And for our brothers in
God we got another one, "DIE FAGGIT SCUM," this one costs
fifty-four ninetyfive but I know y'all kin afford it.

Come on, boys!  You got yer virtue to protect, and yer
girlfriend's too.  What's a few dollars next to the price of
eternal damnation?  Order now, pay later on our LAY-A-WAY plan!

c
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: giovanne@ccrs.emr.ca (Zee Cyste)
Subject: Things I'm really tired of
Summary: mutants
Organization: Ugly Twisted Nastiness
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 03:49:19 GMT


People who think "Mutant this-that-or-the-other-thing" is funny.

Not necessarily turtles either.

-- 
                                        These are my opinions.
E-mail: giovanne@ccrs.emr.ca
"Beneath this facade of laughter lies a torn and shattered man"
             - The Antichrist
From: marcia@rap.ucar.edu (Marcia Politovich)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: thinking about
Date: 27 Jan 93 22:25:44 GMT
Organization: NCAR, Research Application Program

In article <9301270345.AA05120@prg.ox.ac.uk> gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Camilla Shand) writes:
>
> One of the London papers made a big fuss about the report that University
> suicides were usually worried about excess of work, shortage of money, or
> either excess or shortage of sex.  Any rational human being would realise
> that this is because the rest of us are also obsessed by work, or by sex,
> or by money, or all three.  Of course it may be that journalists are not.

  Hey this is really cool how you got the margins straight and all on
 both sides and I can't see that you put extra spaces in the 
 lines to do this.
From: pcxkrm@unicorn.nott.ac.uk (K.R.Marshall)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Parentage
Date: 21 Jan 93 19:05:31 GMT
Organization: Cripps Computing Centre, University of Nottingham

"Pitlochry," said Dougal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Mummy was an asteroid, Daddy was             | Keith Marshall
a small, non-stick kitchen utensil..."        | pcxkrm@unicorn.nott.ac.uk
From: jws5@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (JUSTIN WINSLOW SOLONYNKA)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: dream
Date: 23 Jan 93 03:16:28 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

(james nolan) writes:
>I have a dream,a dream of mutant killer teddy bears.
>They are everywhere,I nead help,Please someone help ME!

Try reaching puberty.  That should help.

sol
-- 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: richh@netcom.com (richh)
Subject: short shameful confession
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 01:33:11 GMT


I really really hate nickels.

RICHH
--so big and clumsy


Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:46197 alt.angst:5533
From: 96rpg@williams.edu (the Straw Dogs)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.angst
Subject: Re: anyone need a harem?
Date: 23 Jan 1993 19:12:30 GMT
Organization: Williams College, Williamstown, MA
NNTP-Posting-Host: bigbird.cc.williams.edu

In article <1993Jan22.152330.15940@spectrum.xerox.com> eradm@wbst845e.xerox.com writes:

>The same thing has been happening to me lately, although I am "available."
>As soon as I stopped giving a crap about finding someone nice, it seems
>that lately I've had more than I can handle. Now, I don't even care anymore if
>I meet someone or not. Mind you, these are all women that were "unavailable"
>when I met them, but I planted some seeds anyway. I didn't think that
>the harvest moon came out in January. Oh well.

this thread is becoming scarily eastern...
"those who contrive spoil it; those who cling lose it" (tao te ching 64)

hey... maybe if we stopped being so concerned with our angst it'll go
away? it seems so if we follow the same logic... but then again who
says anything like this has to follow logic?

>ObAngst: I'm no longer attracted to any of these women, and I don't know
>why I was then.

imho, cos you didn't know them? perhaps...

----
straw dog
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:46098 misc.test:15694 alt.cascade:3758