From: gyanesh@unix.cis.pitt.edu (Gyanesh K Gupta)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian
Subject: Response from An Indian Man to IIW.
Date: 11 Apr 92 13:53:20 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Univ. of Pittsburgh, Computing & Information Services


>I appreciate the candid response from a few of you.
>Am glad that atleast a few were HONEST enough to
>agree with what I said. In this context, and in response

na...na.. you should say that few AGREED with me... what has honesty got
to do with the agreement. Unless you are saying that your obeservation 
were based upon dating 99% of indian men or Scientific sammpling of the
men you chose. ;-) for your research.. ;-).. ;-)..

>attitude  of men. In a few words, arranged marriages
>are just more like BUSINESS TRANSACTIONS rather than
>the sensitive and beautiful relationship a marriage
>is supposed to signify. Most people prefer following this
>due to being conventional (and repeat !) not daring
>enough to try something new.
>

First of all, if I keep on trying something new I probably would have to
pay a lot of alimony afterwards.. ;-).. So I cant try something new for
the sake of just trying. Yes, I would try to see if I find someone
compatible myself, then the wedding bell would certainly ring and my
parents would definitely be a part of it..and I would ask her to
do the same.. invite her parents and have an ARRANGED LOVE marriage.
;-)..and if you say that this is called BOY TIED to MAMA's PALLU.. then
be it.. I would damn proud to be my MAMS's son. I hope you are not
suggesting that we should not listen to our parents.. if you are.. I
would like to see the same response from you after 20 years from today..
when you get your own kids and they don't give a damn to you.  

Second, nope.. Marriage is not like a business transaction. I (know and)
admit that I would marry a gal I wouldn't know. But just tell me what
are the choices we have. First of all there are not many indian girls
here. Then those who are here, have certain requirements..like the guy
has to be CUTE.. before you accuse us that we (men) look for beauty and
superficial things, let me honestly know how many of you are willing to
go out with an average looking indian guys. I know atleast four indian
girls here ( they are just my friends !) who have this attitude that guy
has to be cute..I have asked them numerous of times that why don't you
guys look for niceness and other things. But still HE HAS TO BE
SEMI-CUTE.. atleast.. these are the sentences i hear from them. On top
of them.. when the guy is cute.. they put up with his jerkness just
because he is cute.. I am telling you true stories ( not obeservation )
because I  am part of the conversation.. when they come to me crying..
looking for a shoulder... to make the matter worse they have rejected
very nice guys just because they weren't CUTE.. they themselves admit
that they are wrong but ... so..you see I can generalize that indian
gals also look for cuteness and whether he is able to buy a mercedez for
her or does he have a house... very few girls I know..who are willing to
fight along to survive and bring up a family with a guy who is nice,
student and has got the potential that he would one day have all the
things which they are looking for right now. Yes, CUTEness..wouldn't be
there if he doesnot have right now... but why CUTEness is so important..
nice charcater, compatibility.. no body even cares about which are
important in the long run.. WHY..? 

>ESCAPIST LETHARGIC attitude to this issue. So what's the
>difference in buying a car and getting a wife (another
>commodity which comes with BONUS !!).
>

You might consider that all (99%) men consider wemen as commodities. BUt
that's not true.. how did you come up to that conclusion ? I know a lot
of men ( my friends, relatives and so on..) those who would do anything
for their FAMILY/WIFE/KIDS. Why would do that if they consider wemen as
commodities ? I can speak for myself, I have always given respect to
wemen in general and I love my parents( and grandparents too) my sisters
and then I get the label that I AM A NICE GUY... but gals wouldn't goout
with me because they are scared it would spoil the friendship or a nice
friend who they can talk to .. wouldn't be there if that does not work
out. I am sure many of us have had this experience. 

>
>                                       -New User (newuser@cc.gatech.edu)
>

NOw a few questions to all those IIW's from me.
1) How many of you dated American or any other ( other than Indian ) guys
   who would treat you like a princess the way indian men dont (
whatever  you meant when you generalized that 99% men are very hard to
date. )  What way they were superior to indian men in your judgement ?
and why do you think so ? What did indian men do when you dated which
you found very hard to put up with.

2) How many of you would date an average indian not so CUTE guy ? Lets
see how practical you are.. and how your words match you actions.. if
you think that you can date any average looking indian man who is nice,
send me e-mail.. ;-).. ;-).. lets correspond and see how compatible we 
are. ;-).. 

Gyanesh
==========================================================================
P.S. I know there would be many who wouldn't agree with me.. but take it
     easy on me.. I am just a human being.. dont flame me.. "MERA
     KRIYA-KARMA ABHI MAT KARNA, ABHI TO MERI SHADDI BHI NAHI HUI? " ;-)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian