From: faype@bcvms.bc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Memories Invalidated??
Date: 15 Oct 92 22:14:22 GMT
Organization: Boston College

Subject: Re: Memories Invalidated??? Re: Child

In article <BvzxF6.n2L@twwells.com>, anon-1280@twwells.com (Ode) writes:
> 
> Then, I started thinking about how he was getting me ready for
> intercourse and I laughed and thought to myself "Ha! you didn't
> get to finish the job!" and then, the most horrible thing happened.
> 
> I had a "scenario" pass through my brain. In the space of a few
> seconds I had this vision of him driving by one of the routes
> I walked to school and motioning me to the car. I was overjoyed to
> see him, just ecstatic! He drove me to a country road and parked
> and then raped me and left me there.
> 
> IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! I'm SURE of it! 
> 

There are lots of ways to interpret this "scenario", but before I say 
anything, I have two things you could try: (1) discuss this with your 
therapist (I hope you have one); and write down everything as detailed 
as possible in your scenario (time of day, exact locations, any identifying 
info, body sensations, etc).  This helps a lot of people tell how real it 
is.

A very frequent occurance is that one only remembers what one can handle at 
one time.  The most traumatic memories often are repressed much more 
strongly than less traumatic (and for a good reason).  They often surface 
later into the remembering process.  If one's immediate reaction is "IT DIDN'T 
HAPPEN!", it may not have, or it may have and the reaction is the same 
protective instinct that kept it repressed for so many years -
subconsciously telling oneself it didn't happen.

Another possibility (more likely if the memory wasn't clear and extremely 
realistic) is a blending of more than one memory, or a distortion of a real 
memory.  This is what the detractors like to point to - that some 
memories can be distorted - and therefore conclude "nothing happened", 
which is quite self-serving, not to mention specious.

The other possibility is that none of it has any basis in reality 
whatsoever.  These "scenarios" are pretty damn easy to identify: 
they don't feel real, and they have aspects which have no basis in 
reality - like walking on the moon, or flying through the air, etc.

The most difficult part of all of this is getting from the initial memory 
to the point down the road (and you will get there) when one is much more 
certain of exactly what it means.  It's frustrating as hell, but writing 
and taking the process one step at a time (with a therapist one trusts) 
is a good way to get there.

> I was in a panic, still am! My God, does this mean that all my
> other "memories" are invalidated?

I don't believe so.
> 
> But the other ones, the ones that have only come in the last few
> weeks, I mistrust now. Though none of them came as a result of
> a "scenario" prompt like the one above, I just can't take them
> at face value anymore.

If it helps, I have met quite a few people who didn't believe certain of 
their memories, only to dig up concrete evidence that they were indeed 
real.  This is not to make conclusions about yours, but the more facts you 
can put together, the better judgement you can make.

> I suppose hypnosis will be the only way I can find out for sure
> what actually is a memory and what isn't. Geez, I don't know

It may or may not.  It sometimes works for the police when looking for 
clues from a victim of a traumatic crime who can't remember.  But
remembering in hypnosis should be done in a very slow process - one ought 
trust ones own defenses - the reason some don't remember is because it was
too traumatic to remember consciously at the time.

> How do you
> separate the imagination from the reality?

Working through it one day at a time with someone else helps some.  But 
definitely NOT with someone who shames you and already has already come up 
with their version of the truth in one minute like the one below:

> To make it all worse, I talked to a (different) friend last
> night and told her the entire story, including the "scenario"
> crisis. She was convinced that nothing happened to me and that
> I should quit living in the past and blaming my present problems
> on it.

Hang in there...
-pete
(faype@bcvms.bc.edu)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery