From: daw@cray.com (Dave Wright)
Subject: How to help families!
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Distribution: usa
Date: 17 Aug 92 13:31:32 CDT


Being in the middle of the divorce process I would like to make constuctive
suggestions on how to improve the process for the sake of the kids and the
parents. I do not want to attempt solutions for paternaty suits just the
marital/divorce process.

First, getting married should be more structured. Simply paying the licence
fee should not allow someone to get married. The standards suggested would
need to be implemented nationwide with no variance.

In order to get married, there should be a quality of marriage training
program that tries to stem problems before they break the family up. There
should be classes on being a spouse and what to do when things are falling
apart. Much money is spent fighting over the dissolution. There should be
equal effort and money spent to keep the family together. After a class on
how to live together and setup a family, there should then be a class on
the legal side of a potential divorce. After this shere should be a
pre-nuptial agreement worked out between the couple. It should be forced on
the couple since everyone getting married is to optimistic to bring up the
issue of what happens when the marriage is over. After the marriage
classes/counseling and the divorce classes/counseling and the pre-nuptial
agreement has been worked out, then there should be a class on parenting
issues in the marriage and finally a parenting agreement worked out that
would be the framework for parenting issues while the family is still
intact. The last requirement would be a course on joint custody/shared
parenting to explain the best way to raise the kids if the marriage fails.
If both parents knew the standard potential outcome of a failed marriage
there might be more cooperation and power sharing in the marriage. This
assumes the maternal bias is no longer in the courts. There should also be
mandatory blood tests/health check up before the marriage licence is issued.

When there is no chance of the marriage working then the parents should be
able to file for maritial dissolution. First lawyers should not be allowed
to dominate this process. The lawyers are getting all the kids support
money. On filing for divorce there should be immediate classes in the legal
process and shared parenting concepts. As with any quality issue education
is critical. The courts should not allow lawyers to control the divorce
process until after the custody evaluation is done. Joint physical/legal
custody should be the default and not bartered or paid for. The parents
should also be given a standard book such as Mom's House, Dad's House on
which to base a shared parenting idea. The lawyer can then be involved in
the discovery process after the parents have been educated as to the proper
mechanics of their new parenting relationship. Maritial misconduct should
be considered if it affects the kids and not be used for custody battles
but issues in a parenting agreement. parenting agreements should be able to
stand up in family court. Finally mediation should be mandatory and started
immediately upon completion of a divorce/parenting class. Money for child
support should follow guidelines (as it does in most states) such as 20% of
takehome with some sort of poverty protection for both parents. ALimony
should not be awarded if both parents work (or have worked in the past 2
years). It should not be the fathers responsibility to support the
wife/wife's boyfriend/new husband. ANy house that is being fought over
should be vacated and put up for sale. A father should have equal rights
when he fairly supports his kids and the kids should not be used for
financial gain by the spouse.

The system has to realize that change is going to take a couple generations
and that the money spent upfront on education will pay off in 40 yrs or so.
This means that the high school systems in the country should be teaching
maritial and divorced parenting skills. Our children will be better off and
eventually we may be able to turn the divorce rate numbers on a down turn.

The saying "She got the mine, He got the shaft" should not be true.

Dave Wright
Newsgroups: alt.child-support,alt.dads-rights