HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: tshadow@carina.unm.edu (The Shadow)
Subject: Re: REQUEST: Funny names--please read!
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 92 00:51:18 GMT
Organization: University of New Mexico, Albuquerque

In article <BxL2vF.CI6@news.ucs.mun.ca> hamm@weejordy.physics.mun.ca (Craig Hamm) writes:
>In article <BwxuJL.FDu@math.uwaterloo.ca>, mskucher@math.uwaterloo.ca (Murray S. Kucherawy [MFCF]) writes:
>|> irvine@uxh.cso.uiuc.edu (Brent Irvine) writes:
>|> >>>I'm taking a collection of humorous names for people.  These names do
>|> >>>not have to be real, and in fact they shouldn't be!  Almost everyone
>|> >>>has heard some of these before, I'm sure.  Some examples are...
>|> >>>
>|> >>>Jacques Strap
>|> 
(lots o' stuff deleted)
  
Just one from me...
  

Amanda Hugnkiss

oops, thought of another one...
 
Anita Mantadoo
-- 
THE  /\            
     \                  Friends don't let friends wear beer goggles      
      \HADOW                                                        ...alone. 
     \/     ...don't bother to e-mail, I never read 'em. 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: "mike clemens" <mike.clemens@canrem.com>
Subject: test
Reply-To: "mike clemens" <mike.clemens@canrem.com>
Organization: Canada Remote Systems
Distribution: rec
Date: 21 Nov 92 12:59:15 EST

> This is a test.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                THIS IS A FLAME
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Dear

[ ] asshole     [ ] fag         [ ] ignorant snot       [ ] prick
[ ] nerd        [ ] Elvis       [ ] lonely masturbator  [x] computer geek
[ ] retard      [ ] sycophant   [ ] Samuel Stoddard     [ ] offline reader

 You are being flamed because

        [ ] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
        [ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
        [x] you posted a "test"
        [ ] you used vi and left a whole bunch of editing garbage on the
                screen
        [ ] you posted a request for an article which was posted three times
                in the past week
        [ ] you claimed to have the original GGBJ
        [ ] you posted some sort of religious crap that doesn't belong in this
                group
        [ ] you posted an article that was not funny, unoriginal and very
                boring
        [ ] your mother dresses you funny
        [ ] you reposted a useless message yet AGAIN

 To recant, you must

        [x] actually post a humorous article
        [ ] give up all your worldly possessions and become a Tibetan monk
        [ ] hang yourself by the big toe for 72 hours
        [ ] abstain from sex for a month (shouldn't be too hard for you)
        [ ] shave your head, paint a target on it, and go to Iraq
        [ ] give your MP (Congressman in U.S.A., I guess) a donation of three
                hemp plants to decorate his office
        [ ] become politically correct and demand that manholes be renamed to
                peroffspringopenings
        [ ] cut your balls (or breasts, if you're a woman) off

 Thank you for the time you have taken to read this, and please detest from
the offending behaviour that led to this flame.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                END FLAME
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        haven't used that in a while ...

--
Mike Clemens, Canada Remote Systems
E-Mail:  mike.clemens@canrem.com
---
  SLMR 2.1a  Calm down, it's only 1's and 0's
--
Canada Remote Systems  - Toronto, Ontario
World's Largest PCBOARD System - 416-629-7000/629-7044
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rooneyr@woods.ulowell.edu
Subject: re:finland strike again
Organization: University of Lowell
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 20:41:34 GMT

that's real cute!  I had never heard that one!  post any more that you have!
Rosalind Rooney
From: gillon@guvax.acc.georgetown.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Offensive, but good jokes
Date: 22 Nov 92 18:09:14 -0500
Distribution: world
Organization: Georgetown University


Once day a guy tries to impress a girl by letting her in his new shiny 
red sportscar and going for a drive. They're heading down the highway 
and she wants him to go faster. He says that he'll only go faster if 
she takes some clothes off. She throws her shirt into the wind and he 
goes into third gear. She wants to go faster, so she throws her pants 
out of the car too. He's got the car going about 90 mph by now. She 
tells him to go even faster so he tells her to take more clothes off. 
She takes it all off and throws it out of the car. Well the car by now 
has hit about 120mph and this guy is really excited (horny). In his 
heated state, he tries to grab her but instead the car goes off the 
road into a ditch. He's pinned behind the wheel and can't get out. He 
tells her to go find a cop. But I'm naked she says. The only thing 
that he can reach of his and remove is his shoe (suspension of 
disbelief here please) and he gives it to her. He tells her to cover 
up what she most wants to hide. She starts walking down the highway 
holding a shoe over her genitals when she finally finds a cop. 
"What's the matter?" he says
"You have to help my boyfriend, he's stuck!!!"
"Well, if he's in that deep, there's nothing I can do."
hahahahahahahahahaahaha.
From: aa437@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Clayton Hogg)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Marked Car
Date: 18 Nov 1992 11:21:01 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc4.ins.cwru.edu



When Merle stopped in the huge airport parking lot to pick up his
wife, he wanted to mark his popularly colored car so he could
find it easily. He couldn't find anything in the car, then
noticed a small balloon tied to the antenna of another car. He
thought of a condom he carried, blew it up, tied it off and
started to attach it to his antenna. Then he thought, how would
he explain that to his wife. So he tied it on the antenna of the
car parked next to his. After he headed for the terminal a
passing environmentalist noticed the use of the unusual marker,
took out his magic marker and wrote "recycled" on the condom. A
few minutes later Father Murphy, returning with a couple of nuns,
blinked a few times at his car's antenna, and came close to
declaring that someone must have stolen his car.

-- 
KB8IDJ                  The Joker                 "go toast" SIG
Reminder to myself:  Am I becoming pious about my impiety?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rolls@cis.umassd.edu (Frank Pinto)
Subject: tanya's favorite jokes
Organization: University of Massachusetts Dartmouth
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 20:03:06 GMT

one sunday morning the local priest wanted to play a game of golf, but did not have a partner. so the priest called the rabi and said"rabi wo like to play a game of golf with me?"the rabi approved and they decided to meet at the golfing range.it was the priest's turn toy. so the priest set his stance,and swung his iron. to his surprise, he looked at the ground, and noticed the ball was still on the ground. "god damn-it!! that god damn ball!!"Sir,"the rabi said"such language!!if gods,ears this,he will strik




e you dead with a bolt of lighting!!!
the priest repleys"oh, of course i am truely sorry.so the priest went up again to swing and again he missed. "god damn-it, i missed again how the hell caould i miss ag"the rabi said again,"if god hears you say those words again,
he will truely stike you dead!!!!!"so the priest apologized again and then tried one more time to hit the golf ball.and sure enough,the priest missed again.
"god damn-it,i missed again!!!!!!!"all of a sudden a loud sound came out of the sky ,along with a flash of lighting,which hit the rabi and naturaly killed him
all of a sudden ,a loud voice comes out of the sky and says"God Damn-it, i missed again!!!!!!!!!!!

ha ha ha! hey you wwere supposed to laugh!! dont'worry,go ahesd and laugh,i'll
wait...........................o.k...you can stop now it wasn't that funny....

Organization: Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.fan.mike-jittlov
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 21:40:11 -0500 
From: Elliott Conan Evans <ee0r+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: ASCII Wizard Logo

jittlov@gumby.cs.caltech.edu (Mike Jittlov) writes:
> For those of you who don't have PostScript, or are missing one of the
> critical lines of its scieiroglyphics, and in the name of K.I.S.S.
> (Keep It Simple Stoopid), I am dumping hereinbelow this ASCII version
> of the WIZARD LOGO, from "The Wizard of Speed and Time" feature film.

Now I am impressed. There were 2 subliminals (at least)
in that logo. I wouldn't have believed that anybody
could get subliminals into an ASCII graphic.
Extremely scarey, if you think about it.

------
Eeyore
"Even now, this text is affecting you in ways that may not be
 apparent for days, weeks, or even years." -Illuminatus Trilogy
From: Steve.Lake@brunel.ac.uk (Steve M Lake)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Other ways to say vomit
Date: 19 Nov 92 13:31:54 GMT
Organization: The Henley Management College, UK

How about chucking a Jackson Pollock !

Or simply just pavement pizza

.Sig still not working














-- 
+-------------------------+-------------------------------------------------+
|Steve.Lake@brunel.ac.uk  |Steve Lake, Computer Technician                  |
|                         |The Henley Management College                    |
|Disclaimer: Of course I  |                                                 |
|  don't speak for my     |It's not whether you win or loose, but how well  |
|      employers          |               you cheat !                       |
From: cosc184z@menudo.uh.edu (David Alten)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Lets all test together
Date: 17 Nov 1992 16:41:31 -0600
Organization: University of Houston
NNTP-Posting-Host: menudo.uh.edu

In article <1992Nov17.182241.22100@spock.UUCP> bane@spock.uucp (Cameron Huang) writes:
>In article <1e7ucbINNkhk@clover.csv.warwick.ac.uk> phudl@csv.warwick.ac.uk (Mr S J Liddicott) writes:
>>Test
>>
>No! I will not stand for this! Please do not post tests like this on 
>respectable newsgroups like rec.humor! Please keep your tests to newsgroups
 ^^^^^^^^^^^                 ^^^^^^^^^

>like soc.religion.christianity, or alt.sources. Thank you.

I think my newsreader (rn) must have gotten your post messed up.  It said
something about "respectable" and then "rec.humor".  Could you please re-post
the name of the newsgroup, so that I may finally subscribe to a "respectable"
newsgroup.

Oh, and there _is_ such a thing as alt.test, in case you're wondering.  So
please post there (or at /dev/null) any flames you might want to send to me.

You may now fasten your seatbelt.


BTW, could someone please e-mail me the GGBJ???   :) :)

-- 
David Alten
cosc184z@menudo.uh.edu
HE KUER!!
From: premeau@cae.wisc.edu (Rodger Edward Premeau)
Subject: Re: other ways to say vomit..
Organization: U of Wisconsin-Madison College of Engineering
Date: 20 Nov 92 12:37:54 CST

Actually, I'm really suprised that I haven't seen my favorite one yet....


	Burping with a passenger!

Data error..(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)mack the Friggen thing.
Premeau

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dmsilev@athena.mit.edu (Daniel M Silevitch)
Subject: Re: Riddle -
Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 13:52:09 GMT

In article <1992Nov21.021557.29611@meaddata.com>, dlovely@meaddata.com (David Lovely) writes:
|> In article <1992Nov20.172233.23768@eagle.lerc.nasa.gov>, maven@lerc.nasa.gov (Larry Fishbach) writes:
|> |> In article <By0Msr.7uu@newcastle.ac.uk>, S.E.Rigden@newcastle.ac.uk (Simon Rigden) writes:
|> |> > 
|> |> >  The following is a riddle I saw the other day. Some people get it straight
|> |> > away but mathematicians seem to have difficulty - tell it to one and see.
|> |> > 
|> |> > 
|> |> >  A man is talking to a zoo keeper :
|> |> >  Man : How many animals are there in your zoo?
|> |> >  ZK  : Well, I can tell you that there are 64 heads and 186 legs?
|> |> >  Is it possible to work out the answer to the mans question from this?
|> |>
|> |>  Yes extremely simple algebra problem - I'll give a hint
|> |>  to the answer, there are 6 more of one kind than another.
|> |>  That's the mathematician answer, but assuming there are no
|> |>  freak animals there, you don't need to know math to get it right.
|> |> -- 
|> 
|> Assume that there are X 2-legged animals and Y 4-legged animals:
|> 	2X+4Y=186 (1st statement)
|> 	 X+ Y= 64 (2nd statement)
|> 	---------
|> 	2X+4Y=186
|> 	2X+2Y=128 (Multiply both sides by 2)
|> 	---------
|> 	   2Y= 58 (Subtraction)
|> 	---------
|> 	    Y= 29 (Division)
|> 	---------
|> 	 X+29= 64 (From above, substituting 29 for Y)
|> 	---------
|> 	 X   =35
|> 
|> Therefore, there are 35 2-legged animals and 29 4-legged animals.
|> So there are (naturally) 64 animals in the zoo!
|> 
|> Later!
|> 
Making the assumption that all animals have one head each, there are 64 animals.
The original question said nothing about 2 legs, 4 legs, or no legs for that
matter (what about snakes and fish?) There is no need to do any algebra, the
answer is intuitively obvious :)

Daniel Silevitch                                 dmsilev@athena.mit.edu
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: DIR/REG
From: lihouba@dapsas1 (Christo Houbaviy)
Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1992 13:21:40 GMT
Organization: Weizmann Institute of Science, Computing Centre

In article <1992Nov12.014343.60746@cc.usu.edu> sl3nf@cc.usu.edu writes:
>Q:  How many elephants can you fit in a Volkswagen?
>A:  Four

 Q:  Can you fit five elephants in a Volkswagen?
 A:  No, it has only four seats.
--
Christo Houbaviy [lihouba@dapsas.weizmann.ac.il]
Department of Molecular Genetics and Virology
The Weizmann Institute of Science, Rehovot, Israel
From: x90bugay@gw.wmich.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: THANKS, I NEEDED THAT!!(GGBJ)
Date: 18 Nov 92 09:09:35 EST
Organization: Western Michigan University

My sincerest thanks to all of you who had the courage to send
me "THAT DAMN GGBJ".  Much appreciated----->everyone who said
it was the best joke they ever heard was right!

krb


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mzabel@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Mark A Zabel)
Subject: Re: math, phys, comp-sci joke
Organization: The Ohio State University
Distribution: rec
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 15:28:41 GMT

>RL4Also, can anyone finish the following? I'm stumped after the second line
>
>RL4e to the y, dy dx, e to the x, dx
>  4cosine, secant, tangent, sine, 3.14159
>  4...

Something like...

e to the x dy/dx,
e to the x dy
tangent secant cosine sine
3.14159
phi pi square root of two
fight 'em fight 'em OSU  (substitute whatever school you wish to)

-Mark
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: keith@torme.sharebase.com (Keith Chambless)
Subject: Re: Riddle -
Reply-To: keith@torme.sharebase.com (Keith Chambless)
Organization: NCR/ShareBase Corporation
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 92 17:17:58 GMT

I'd say 64. Assuming that some animals don't get more head than others.

Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes,rec.humor
From: runeb@stud.cs.uit.no (Rune Braathen)
Subject: Re: Car Acronyms- Everything That's Been Posted
Organization: University of Tromsoe, Norway
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 17:49:37 GMT

So YOURE the A*S*S*H*O*L*E with all the xtravagantly avantguardish boring jokes
about cars...

I wave my private parts at you, Mike, so called human. I fart in your general
direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elleberry.
May your lovebone be infested by red pulsating bubons!

FLAME this adress:Gundlach@helena.stat.uga.edu

Rune
From: macl6441@mach1.wlu.ca (macleod heather)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Blond Jokes/Sorority Jokes
Date: 23 Nov 92 20:51:15 GMT
Organization: Wilfrid Laurier University

In article <23NOV92.12233866.0015@MUSIC.TCS.TULANE.EDU> EC0AAEF <EC0AAEF@MUSIC.TCS.TULANE.EDU> writes:
>Could it be that the large degree to which the lists of blond
>jokes and sorority jokes are the same is because most sorority
>girls seem to be blond?
>
>
>#############################################################
>#    BTW, have you noticed      # WAGONER @                 #
>#    that Hillary Clinton       # CEM.ECON.TULANE.EDU       #
>#    dyed her hair blond?       #                           #
>#############################################################
>
Could be, but please remember that not all blondes want to be sorority
members.   Some of us have a life!

Heather
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ruthc@sco.COM (cross index)
Subject: Re: Ancient jokes
Organization: The Santa Cruz Operation, Inc.
Date: Sat, 14 Nov 1992 20:32:33 GMT
Summary: repost of ancient Egyptian joke


In article <1992Nov13.095514.23658@mic.ucla.edu> brims@bnkl01.astro.ucla.edu (George Brims) writes:
>Anyone remember any OLDER jokes?

OK, here's the oldest joke I've ever seen (hmm, and I got it
from rec.humor, too):

 From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu (Messiah of the Accursed)
 Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.humor
 Subject: OLDEST JOKES in the WORLD, part 1
 Organization: Eaters of Wisdom
 
	 A noble with the head of an ibis-bird enters an establishment
 a few leaugues north of Heliopolis, wherein beverages are commonly
 served, and requests of the shaven slave therein beer, made red with
 the red ocher mud from the banks of the Nile.  The crafty slave,
 seeing an opportunity to have an easy profit at the noble's expense,
 serves the beer and names as his price three talents of barley.  The
 ibis-headed one blinks in surprise but calls in his slaves with sacks
 of barley to pay the requested sum, and drinks his beer.  The serving
 slave, gleeful, but unable to restrain his curiousity, remarks that a
 manifestation of the god Thoth has not passed that way since ancient
 times.  The ibis-headed god (for it is indeed he) suggests that he
 might be inclined to manifest himself more frequently in that locale
 were not the price of beer in the province so high.
 
 [Translated from a manuscript dated 2274 B.C.]
 
 THEY CALL ME "e. wallis budge" ANDY R.


heh!

-r
-- 
"I gave davidv 25 cents for a line he said in isis staff today comparing
 software to drugs, 'that first line of code is free...'"                -ruthc
"ha ha, that's great!  who's .sig is it going to show up in first?"      -maryk
"well, I guess it should be mine, after all, I paid for it."             -ruthc
From: ddv@unix.brighton.ac.uk (Domenico De Vitto)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Green Golf Balls. The Monty Python Connection?
Date: 16 Nov 92 13:15:36 GMT
Organization: University of Brighton, UK

Well, it goessss...argh hahahahahahahahahahahaha
slump.
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade
From: rdorocke@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (rob lawrence dorocke)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: ggbj
Date: 17 Nov 92 15:30:10 GMT
Article-I.D.: usenet.Bxv9qB.HJI
Organization: Indiana University

In article <102260@bu.edu> gulati@cs.bu.edu (Sanjay Gulati) writes:
>In article <16NOV199215351415@rosie.uh.edu> inde7fw@rosie.uh.edu (Loftis, Danny) writes:
>>
>> bullshit.  utter bullshit.
>>  i happen to know that the joke doesn't exist and it never did.
>>i'm not sure who you think you're fooling, but it sure as hell isn't me.
>>
>>
>>
>
>FYI this joke was last posted on APRIL 1 1991, now if u guys grovel
>enuff i might take pity and repost....
>
>

So, nobody hass the "balls" to post this joke, eh??  Well, I don't know it
and don't think it actually exists.  Someone will write a response about
this note saying that it indeed exists but they either 'lost' their copy
of it or they don't have the "balls" to post the joke. 

Why don't you confirm that the joke exists by posting it, or shut up!

Rob
>
>--
>sg
>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: reasons why violence is better than sex
Date: 16 Nov 92 01:11:29 GMT
Organization: UB

--------This is Copyright.  Give me credit when you repost.---------
Copyright 1992, Richard Romanowski

TOP REASONS WHY VIOLENCE IS BETTER THAN SEX
1.	People respect individuals who will fight with anyone.
2.	You can fight with several people at the same time and not
	be considered a pervert.
3.	You can fight in public and not be embarrassed.
4.	You spouse won't mind that you've fought members of the same sex.
5.	You can't get syphillis from kicking people in the throat.
6.	You can enter competitions of fighters and get trophies and
	prize money if your technique is good.
7.	You can't get a black belt in the kama sutra.

....and the list goes on.  Feel free to repost, so long as you give me
credit for authorship.  I will cross - post to rec.martial arts when I
get around to it...
Luck
Rick
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: cobra@coyote.datalog.com (Ken Thompson)
Subject: Humor In The Truest Sense
Organization: Datalog Consulting, Tucson, AZ
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 92 01:33:52 GMT

I found this, taped on the side of a multi-million dollar piece of shit 
that had been cannabalized for other uses.  This piece of gear was 
notorious for breaking down at the most inopportune times (like a woman, 
nearly every month, it got "bitchy", thus, someone had the sense to post 
this for all to see.
 
Now, that it's going to the great beyond (it's being scrapped), the sign 
should continue to live...I have no idea where this came from, it's been 
photocopied many times...
 
 WARNING!
THIS MACHINE IS SUBJECT TO BREAKDOWNS DURING PERIODS OF CRITICAL NEED.
 
A special circuit in the machine called a "critical detector" senses the 
operator's emotional state in terms of how desperate he or she is to use 
the machine.  The "critical detector" then creates a malfunction 
proportional to the desperation of the operator.  Threatening the machine 
with violence only aggravates the situation.  Likewise, attempts to use 
another machine may cause it to also malfunction.  They belong to the 
same union.  Keep cool and say nice things to the machine.  Nothing else 
seems to work.
 
Never let anything mechanical know you are in a hurry.
 
 

           _____         ______________________   _____                
       |/    |          | cobra@datalog.com   |     |        /\        
       |\ en |hompson   | cobra@jab.tus.az.us |     |ucson, /--\rizona 
     ------------------------------------------------------------------
From: wlei@wsuaix.csc.wsu.edu (Lei)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Airline acronyms and names
Date: 18 Nov 92 19:33:50 GMT
Article-I.D.: serval.1992Nov18.193350.3318
Organization: Washington State University

In article <Bxns1L.38G@cck.coventry.ac.uk> ceh127@cck.coventry.ac.uk (Grendel) writes:
>>
>>TWA-Try Walking Across
>>Teeny Weeeny Airlines
>>
>>DELTA-Don't Even Leave The Airport
>>
>>EL AL-Every Landing Always Late
>>
>>PIA (Pakistan India Airways, the official airline of Pakistan (surprise))
>>Please Inform Allah
>>
>>Northwest Orient-Northworst Disorient
>>(personal experience helped for that one)
>>
>>Air France-Air Chance
>>
>>These are all I can remember for the moment. Contributions are welcome.
>>
>
>QANTAS - Queenies And Nymphomaniac Transvestite Air Stewards
>
>


CAAC (Civil Aviation Administration of China)
     China Air Always Canceled
     China Air Always Crashed

         (no flame, please)
Newsgroups: rec.humor