From: stame@emunix.emich.edu (Stewart Tame)
Subject: Re: Esquimaux Nell
Organization: Eastern Michigan University
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 16:51:50 GMT

In article <5593@daily-planet.concordia.ca> mckay@alcor.concordia.ca (John McKay) writes:
>
>Reference was made to "The Erotic Muse" as a source of information
>on the topic. I cannot find anything bearing on Esquimaux Nell - 
>however this uncensored collection of bawdy songs complied and edited
>by Ed Cray ISBN 0-515-02801-0 deserves to be better known, containing
>as it does, unexpurgated, great bawdy songs and ribald inventions.
>

Amen!  And thanks for the ISBN and author.  Some day I mean to acquire my
own copy of this book . . . 

Since there seems to be a general interest in the topic, I'm posting my
copy of "The Ballad of Eskimo Nell."  All those with no taste for bawdy
verse should hit 'n' now.




[The original was found on a CDC dump tape in Display format which is why
 it is all in upper case]

       THE BALLAD OF ESKIMO NELL.


CREDITED TO ENID BLYTON

WHEN A MAN GROWS OLD AND HIS BALLS GROW OLD
AND THE TIP OF HIS TOOL TURNS BLUE
AND IT BENDS IN THE MIDDLE LIKE A ONE STRING FIDDLE
HE CAN TELL YOU A TALE OR TWO.

SO PULL UP CHAIR AND STAND ME A DRINK,
AND A TALE TO YOU I'LL TELL
OF DEAD-EYE DICK AND MEXICAN PETE,
AND A HARLOT CALLED ESKIMO NELL.

WHEN DEAD-EYE DICK AND MEXICAN PETE
GO FORTH IN SEARCH OF FUN
ITS DEAD-EYE DICK THAT SLINGS THE PRICK,
AND MEXICAN PETE THE GUN

WHEN DEAD-EYE DICK AND MEXICAN PETE
ARE SORE DEPRESSED AND SAD
IT'S ALWAYS A CUNT THAT BEARS THE BRUNT,
BUT THE SHOOTING AIN'T SO BAD.

NOW DEAD-EYE DICK AND MEXICAN PETE
LIVED DOWN BY DEAD MAN'S CREEK
AND SUCH WAS THEIR LUCK THEY'D HAD NO FUCK
FOR NIGH ON HALF A WEEK.

JUST A MOOSE OR TWO AND A CARIBOU,
AND A BISON COW OR SO,
BUT FOR DEAD-EYE DICK WITH HIS KINGLY PRICK
THIS FUCKING WAS BLOODY SLOW.

SO DO OR DARE THIS HORNY PAIR
SET FORTH FOR THE RIO GRANDE,
DEAD-EYE DICK WITH HIS MIGHTY PRICK
AND PETE WITH HIS GUN IN HIS HAND.

AND AS THEY BLAZED THEY NOISY TRAIL
NO MAN THEIR PATH WITHSTOOD
AND MANY A BRIDE, HER HUSBAND'S PRIDE,
KNEW PREGNANT WIDOWHOOD.

THEY REACHED THE STRAND OF THE RIO GRANDE
AT THE HEIGHT OF BLAZING NOON,
AND TO SLAKE THEIR THIRST AND DO THEIR WORST
THEY SOUGHT BLACK MIKE'S SALOON.

AS THEY PUSHED THE SWING DOORS OPEN WIDE
BOTH PRICK AND GUN FLASHED FREE
"ACCORDING TO SEX, YOU BLEEDING WRECKS,
YOU DRINK OR FUCK WITH ME."

THEY'D HEARD OF THE PRICK OF DEAD-EYE DICK
FROM MAINE TO PANAMA.
SO WITH SCARCELY WORSE THAN A MUTTERED CURSE
THOSE DAGOES SOUGHT THE BAR.

THE GIRLS KNEW TOO HIS PLAYFUL WAYS
DOWN ON THE RIO GRANDE,
SO FORTY WHORES JUST DROPPED THEIR DRAWERS
AT DEAD-EYE DICK'S COMMAND.

THEY SAW THE FINGERS OF MEXICAN PETE
ITCH ON THE TRIGGER GRIP
AND THEY DIDN'T WAIT - AT FEARFUL RATE
THOSE WHORES BEGAN TO STRIP.

NOW DEAD-EYE DICK WAS BREATHING QUICK
WITH LECHEROUS SNORTS AND GRUNTS
AS FORTY BUMS WERE BARED TO VIEW
AND LIKEWISE FORTY CUNTS.

NOW FORTY BUMS AND FORTY CUNTS,
IF YOU'LL JUST USE YOUR WITS,
AND IF YOU'RE SLICK AT ARITHMETIC,
MAKES JUST ON EIGHTY TITS.

NOW EIGHTY TITS ARE A GLADSOME SIGHT
FOR A MAN WITH A RAGING STAND,
IT MAY BE RARE IN BERKELY SQUARE -
BUT NOT ON THE RIO GRANDE.

NOW DEAD-EYE DICK HAD FUCKED A FEW
ON THE LAST PRECEDING NIGHT,
BUT THIS WAS ONLY DONE FOR FUN,
JUST TO WHET HIS APPETITE.

HIS PHALLIC LIMB WAS IN FUCKING TRIM,
AS HE BACKED AND TOOK A RUN
HE MADE A DART AT THE NEAREST TART
AND SCORED A HOLE IN ONE.

HE BORE THIS WHORE TO THE SANDY FLOOR
AND THERE HE FUCKED HER FINE
AND THOUGH SHE GRINNED, IT PUT THE WIND
UP THE OTHER THIRTY NINE.

WHEN DEAD-EYE DICK LETS LOOSE HIS PRICK,
HE'S GOT NO TIME TO SPARE
FOR SPEED AND LENGTH COMBINED WITH STRENGTH
HE FAIRLY SINGES HAIR.

HE MADE A DART TO THE NEXT SPARE TART
WHEN INTO THAT HARLOT'S HELL
STROLLED A GENTLE MAID WHO WAS UNAFRAID,
AND HER NAME WAS ESKIMO NELL.

BY THIS TIME DICK HAD GOT HIS PRICK
WELL INTO NUMBER TWO
WHEN ESKIMO NELL LET OUT A YELL,
SHE BAWLED TO HIM "HEY YOU".

HE GAVE A FLICK OF HIS MUSCULAR PRICK
AND THE WHORE FLEW OVER HIS HEAD,
HE WHEELED ABOUT WITH AN ANGRY SHOUT,
BOTH FACE AND BALLS WERE RED.

SHE GLANCED OUR HERO UP AND DOWN,
HIS LOOKS SHE DID DECRY,
WITH UTTER SCORN SHE GLIMPSED THE HORN
THAT ROSE FROM HIS HAIRY THIGH.

SHE BLEW THE SMOKE FROM HER CIGARETTE
OVER HIS STEAMING KNOB;
SO UTTERLY BEAT WAS MEXICAN PETE
THAT HE FAILED TO DO HIS JOB.

IT WAS ESKIMO NELL WHO BROKE THE SPELL
IN ACCENTS CLEAR AND COOL
"YOU CUNT-STRUCK  SHRIMP OF A YANKEE PIMP,
YOU CALL THAT THING A TOOL!".

"IF THIS HERE TOWN CAN'T TAKE THAT DOWN,"
SHE SNEERED AT THE COWERING WHORES,
"THERE'S ONE LITTLE CUNT CAN DO THE STUNT,
AND IT'S ESKIMO NELL'S, NOT YOURS".

SHE STRIPPED HER GARMENTS ONE BY ONE
WITH AN AIR OF CONSCIOUS PRIDE
AND AS SHE STOOD IN HER WOMANHOOD
THEY SAW HER GREAT DIVIDE.

SHE SEATED HERSELF ON A TABLE TOP
WHERE SOME ONE HAD LEFT A GLASS,
WITH A FLICK OF HER TITS, SHE CRUSHED IT TO BITS
BETWEEN THE CHEEKS OF HER ARSE.

SHE FLEXED HER KNEES WITH SUPPLE EASE
AND SPREAD HER LEGS APART
WITH A FRIENDLY NOD TO THE MANGY SOD
SHE GAVE HIM HIS CUE TO START.

BUT DEAD-EYE DICK KNEW A TRICK OR TWO,
AND MEANT TO TAKE HIS TIME,
FOR A GIRL LIKE THIS WAS FUCKING BLISS -
SO HE PLAYED A PANTOMIME.

HE FLEXED HIS ARSE-HOLE TO AND FRO
AND MADE HIS BALLS INFLATE
UNTIL THEY LOOKED LIKE GRANITE KNOBS
ON TOP OF A GARDEN GATE.

HE BLEW HIS ANUS INSIDE OUT,
HIS BALLS INCREASED IN SIZE,
HIS MIGHTY PRICK GREW TWICE AS THICK,
AND STRETCHED UP PAST HIS EYES.

HE POLISHED IT UP WITH ALCOHOL
AND MADE IT STEAMING HOT;
TO FINISH THE JOB HE SPRINKLED HIS KNOB
WITH A CAYENNE PEPPER POT.

THEN NEITHER DID HE TAKE A RUN
NOR DID HE TAKE A LEAP
NOR DID HE STOOP, BUT TOOK A SWOOP
AND A STEADY FORWARD CREEP.

WITH PIERCING EYE HE TOOK A SIGHT
ALONG HIS MIGHTY TOOL,
AND THE STEADY GRIN AS HE PUSHED IT IN
WAS CALCULATED COOL.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MIGHTY PISTONS
ON THE GIANT C.P.R.
WITH THE DRIVING FORCE OF A THOUSAND HORSE!
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT PISTONS ARE.

OR SO YOU THINK YOU DO; BUT YOU'VE YET TO LEARN
THE INS AND OUTS OF THE TRICK;
OF THE WORK THAT'S DONE ON A NON-STOP RUN
BY A GUY LIKE DEAD-EYE DICK.

BUT ESKIMO NELL WAS NO INFIDEL,
AS GOOD AS A WHOLE HAREM
WITH THE STRENGTH OF TEN IN HER ABDOMEN
AND THE ROCK OF AGES BETWEEN.

AMID STOPS SHE COULD TAKE THE STREAM
LIKE THE FLUSH OF A WATER CLOSET,
AND SHE GRIPPED HIS COCK LIKE THE CHATSWOOD LOCK
OF THE NATIONAL SAFE DEPOSIT.

BUT DEAD-EYE DICK WOULD NOT COME QUICK,
HE MEANT TO CONSERVE HIS POWERS,
FOR HE'D A MIND TO GRIND AND GRIND
FOR A COUPLE OF SOLID HOURS.

NELL LAY FOR A WHILE WITH A SUBTLE SMILE,
THE GRIP OF HER CUNT GREW KEENER,
WITH A FLICK OF HER THIGH SHE SUCKED HIM DRY
WITH THE EASE OF A VACUUM CLEANER.

SHE PERFORMED THIS TRICK IN A WAY SO SLICK
AS TO SET IN COMPLETE DEFIANCE
THE BASIC CAUSE AND PRIMARY LAWS
THAT GOVERN SEXUAL SCIENCE.

SHE CALMLY RODE THROUGH THE PHALLIC CODE
THAT FOR YEARS HAD STOOD THE TEST
AND THE ANCIENT RULES OF THE CLASSIC SCHOOLS
IN A SECOND OR TWO WENT WEST.

AND SO, MY FRIEND, WE NEAR THE END
OF COPULATIONS EPIC;
THE EFFECT ON DICK WAS SUDDEN AND QUICK
AND AKIN TO ANAESTHETIC.

HE FELL TO THE FLOOR AND KNEW NO MORE,
HIS PASSIONS EXTINCT AND DEAD,
AND HE DID NOT SHOUT AS HIS PRICK SLID OUT
THOUGH IT WAS STRIPPED DOWN TO A THREAD.

THEN MEXICAN PETE JUMPED TO HIS FEET
TO AVENGE HIS FRIEND'S AFFRONT
WITH A JARRING JOLT OF HIS BLUE-NOSED COLT
HE RAMMED IT UP HER CUNT.

HE RAMMED IT UP TO THE TRIGGER GRIP
AND FIRED IT THREE TIMES THREE
BUT TO HIS SURPRISE SHE CLOSED HER EYES
AND SMILED IN ECSTASY.

SHE JUMPED TO HER FEET WITH A SMILE SO SWEET
"BULLY", SHE SAID, "FOR YOU,
THOUGH I MIGHT HAVE GUESSED THAT THAT WAS THE BEST
THAT YOU POOR SODS COULD DO".

"WHEN NEXT MY FRIEND THAT YOU INTEND
TO SALLY FORTH FOR FUN
BUY DEAD-EYE DICK A SUGAR STICK
AND YOURSELF AN ELEPHANT GUN".

"I'M GOING BACK TO THE FROZEN NORTH
WHERE THE PRICKS ARE HARD AND STRONG
BACK TO THE LAND OF THE FROZEN STAND
WHERE THE NIGHTS ARE SIX MONTHS LONG".

"IT'S HARD AS TIN WHEN THEY PUT IT IN,
IN THE LAND WHERE SPUNK IS SPUNK
NOT A TRICKLING STREAM OF LUKEWARM CREAM
BUT A FROZEN SOLID CHUNK".

"BACK TO THE LAND WHERE THEY UNDERSTAND
WHAT IT MEANS TO FORNICATE,
WHERE EVEN THE DEAD SLEEP TWO IN A BED
AND THE BABIES MASTURBATE".

"BACK TO THE LAND OF THE GRINDING GLAND
WHERE THE WALRUS PLAYS WITH HIS PRONG
WHERE THE POLAR BEAR WANKS-OFF IN HIS LAIR
THAT'S WHERE THEY'LL SING THIS SONG".

"THEY'LL TELL THIS TALE ON THE ARCTIC TRAIL
WHERE THE NIGHTS ARE SIXTY BELOW,
WHERE IT'S SO DAMN COLD THAT JOHNNIES ARE SOLD
WRAPPED UP IN A BALL OF SNOW".

"IN THE VALLEY OF DEATH WITH BATED BREATH
THAT'S WHERE THEY'LL SING IT TOO,
WHERE SKELETONS RATTLE IN SEXUAL BATTLE,
AND ROTTING CORPSES SCREW".

"BACK TO THE LAND WHERE MEN ARE MEN -
TERRA BELLICUM -
AND THERE I'LL SPEND MY WORTHY END
FOR THE NORTH IS CALLING 'COME'".

SO DEAD-EYE DICK AND MEXICAN PETE
SLUNK OUT OF THE RIO GRANDE
DEAD-EYE DICK WITH HIS BUGGERED PRICK
AND PETE WITH NO GUN IN HIS HAND.

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 I understand it's obligatory to mention Kibo somewhere in one's postings.
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		Email:  stame@emunix.emich.edu
****************************************************************************
Disclaimer:  Not only do my opinions represent those of Eastern Michigan
University, but also those of Dan Quayle, Richard Nixon, Frank Zappa,
Pee-wee Herman, Bart Simpson, Tipper Gore, Murphy Brown, Maggie Thatcher,
and the Easter Bunny.