From: cj@eno.wpd.sgi.com (C.J. Silverio)
Newsgroups: soc.women,alt.abortion.inequity,talk.abortion,soc.men
Subject: Re: Father Notification Reconsidered
Date: 4 Sep 92 18:38:05 GMT
Reply-To: cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Followup-To: [pick one]
Organization: SGI TechPubs


In article <1992Sep3.025255.4014@zooid.guild.org>, goid@zooid.guild.org writes:
|kendall@adobe.com (Janice Kendall) writes...
|JK>  I don't think the man has a right to know if the woman feels the best
|JK>  action for her situation is to abort.
 [...]
|And with God or Allah (whomever) as my witness, I will say
|that in my own situation, if the woman had *not* been so
|respecting as to tell me before, but in fact had not only told
|me right afterwards, but had waited a year (!) or more, I
|probably would have snapped right there and killed her where she
|stood.

This is utterly and fantastically despicable.  Let this be
engraved in stone as the very very best argument AGAINST
spousal/paternal notification I have ever seen.

If she doesn't show proper respect, kill her, huh?  If she
doesn't bow to your every reproductive whim, but instead
demonstrates a will of her own, kill her, huh?  If she doesn't
let you run her body as if you owned it, kill her, huh?

[Aside to Bill Overpeck: would it be out of line to recommend
 that this guy talk to a professional about these feelings?]

Hey, Steeves!  Here are some recommendations for you, for the
next woman you date (assuming you can get a woman to come within
ten feet of you after that little violent outburst):

  - Try *communication*.  Try *talking* to your partner.  Let
    her know how you feel.  Do this EARLY.  Do this OFTEN.
  - If she doesn't agree with you, sounds like you'd better break
    off the relationship.  Find someone you won't be in danger
    of killing.
  - If you don't trust her, don't have a relationship with her.
  - Take responsibility for your own birth control, to avoid the
    situation in future.  Wear a condom, Steeves.

Free clue:  You don't own somebody else's body.  You won't ever
own somebody else's body, even if you are married to him/her.
You have the right to make your feelings known.  You don't
have the right to demand that your feelings be respected.  You
always have the right to leave a relationship with someone who
can't respect your feelings, and find someone who will.

Another free clue:  people who deserve respect generally get it.

|You can call it "male violence against women," but how would
|*you* feel if someone deliberately kept something from *you* for
|such a long time?  (like, for instance, husband had an affair,
|etc?).  You *might* even be angry enough to be driven to
|violence as well, especially if the delay had been long, so
|before condemning me for making such a strong and unambiguous
|statement, please consider the context within which I made it.

Absolutely not.  I've been in a long-term relationship that
ended because of an affair.  Violent impulses toward my partner
would NOT have been normal.  They were NOT my reaction.  I was
certainly angry, but I expressed my anger through words, and
not blows aimed at my partner.  

Some experiences in life are difficult and painful and
frustrating, but most people don't lash out with a club when
they go through them, Steeves.  Your violent reactions are YOUR
reactions.  You can't excuse them to us.  Take responsibility
for yourself, Steeves.

---
cj@eno.wpd.sgi.com          C J Silverio/Brahms Gang/Berkeley CA 94720
"If you meant what you said in your article, I'd suggest you seek out 
psychiatric or spiritual guidance.  You may end up as a criminal 
statistic."--Russell Lawrence, in talk.abortion
Newsgroups: soc.women