From: c8923075@frey.newcastle.edu.au (Chris Baird)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.simpsons
Subject: [9F04] Treehouse of Horror III
Keywords: simpsons capsule
Date: 8 Nov 92 13:32:15 GMT
Organization: Club Simpson Intl.
X-Quiz: Who is Major Quimby's sister-in-law?

===================================================================== 8-Nov-92
> [9F04] The Treehouse of Horror III
==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
The show begins with a zoom through Springfield Cemetery.  (See the "Lists"
section for the names on each gravestone.)

>> The Couch
        Five skeletons (one with a `Bride of Frankenstein' hairdo, and
        another suckling a pacifier) race for the couch.  (Man, no obstacle
        prevents this family from watching TV!)

==============================================================================
> Did You Notice
==============================================================================
    ... the Monkey's paw on the counter in the Evil Shop?  {bhc}
    ... when the Krusty doll was threatening Homer, it asked him to pull the
        cord again to keep it going, and Homer DOES IT!! [What a Homer!] {hot}
    ... the Dewey decimal number for books in the occult section is 666?  {jd}
    ... in Barney's two cameos he *didn't* burp?  {jjw}

==============================================================================
> Popular References
==============================================================================
      Alfred Hitchcock Presents..
    + A Clockwork Orange
        - Bart's Costume.
      Gremlins
        - the toy shop where Homer buys the Krusty doll.  {kw}
    ~ Mystery Science Theater 3000
        - ``It's evil!  Eviiiiiiiiiiiil!''  (Where have we heard that line
          before?)  {jjc}
    + The Twilight Zone: Living Doll
        - ``My name is Krusty, and I love you very much.'' ..and..
          ``I'm Krusty the Klown and I don't like you.'' (to Homer)  {jjw}
      Trilogy of Terror: Prey
        - Krusty clambering over the edge of the couch with a knife, his
          maniacal grin revealing triangular teeth.  {ct}
        - the bathtub scene with Homer.  {ct}
        - Homer's ill-fated attempt to get rid of the doll by locking it
          inside a suitcase.  {ct}
      Psycho (with maybe a little `Jaws' thrown in..)
        - the Shrill-String-Knife-Attack-Music(tm) when the Krusty doll
          raised the knife.  {jw}
      Love American Style
        - Krusty with the Malibu Stacey doll -- the framing heart shape,
          the cheesy music.  {tc}
      Cape Fear
        - Krusty belted to the bottom of the car.  (Robert De Niro used this
          tactic to follow Nick Nolte's family in the remake.)  {pw,hot}
  ~~~ IT  (stretched reference of the week award)
        - ``Kiss me, fat boy!''  {dp}
      Puppet Master
    ? Ghostbusters
        - ``Marge!  The doll is trying to kill me, and the toaster's been
          laughin' at me!''  Rick Moranis?  {ns}
      Child's Play
        - Marge calling the toy manufacturer.  {de}
      Escape (late 70s' pop hit by Rupert Holmes)
        - In the personals section of the newspaper.  ("...pina coladas?
          Getting caught in the rain? Come with me and escape. Box 203")  {ap}
      SWF
        - the personal ad below; `Help me escape the clutches of Death.' {jmg}
   ++ King Kong
        - Homer reaching into the building to grab Marge -- shot for shot.
          {kw,jrd}
      Michael Jackson's ``Thriller''
        - Bart's hat in the cemetery.  {jw}
      The Night of the Living Dead
      Pet Cemetery
      Plan 9 From Outer Space
        - ``The Earthlings are totally incapable of handling the zombie
          attack...''  {rc}
        - The re-animation of corpses.  {rc}
      Where's Waldo?
      My Science Project  {mn}
      The Tell-tale Heart (Edgar Allen Poe)
        - in a jar.  {jw}
      Terminator, Mad Max et al.
        - The Homernator impassively welding the shotgun.  {dh}
    ~ The Producers(?) (Mel Brooks)
        - Principal Soccer's, err, Skinner's head being kicked around by
          two zombies (``Ow!  Not the face!'' cf: the riot at the end of
          the movie).
      Sisyphus (ancient Greek mythology)
        - ``You <still> pushin' that rock?!''

>> Mosi Tatupu

A brief career summary provided by (jpl10@duts.ccc.amdahl.com):
    Mosi Tatupu was an all-state fullback in high school and then went on to
    USC and was their premier running back in the late 70's.  Afterwards he
    joined the NFL and was in the league for about 10 years, last playing
    for the N.E Patriots.  He retired a couple of years ago.  Mosi Tatupu,
    he being a native of Samoa, I guess sounds like a tribal phrase if your
    not aware that it's actually someone's name.

==============================================================================
> Lists
==============================================================================
>> Gravestones during the introduction sequence
{rc}
        Drexel's Class  (an extinct programme that used to follow
                         The Simpsons on the FOX network in the US.)
        I'm with Stupid ==>
        R. Buckminster Fuller (with geodesic dome)
        Slapstick (freshly dug grave, still empty)
        American Workmanship (which promptly falls apart; and shares a
          passing resemblance to the collapsing `Taco Bell' monolith
            from a commercial shown during The Simpsons in the USA. -jd)

>> The opening credits
{mb}
	Created by              Bat Groening
	Developed By            James Hell Brooks
	                        Matt Merchandising Groening
	                        Somewhat Shocking Sam Simon
	Executive Producers     Awful Al Jean
	                        Mirthless Mike Reiss
	Supervising Producers   Jay Karnage Kogen
	                        Weaselly Wally Wolodarsky
	Supervising Producer    Ghastly George Meyer
	Producers               Vicious Jack Vitti
        	                Scary John Swartzwelder
                	        Jittery Jeff Martin
                        	Creepy Conan O'Brien
	                        Unfriendly Frank Mula
        	                Really Unruly Richard Raynis
	Produced By             Demonic David Silverman
	                        Rambling Richard Sakai
	Written By...
	(Clown without Pity)    Atrocious Al Jean
	                        Morbid Mike Reiss
	(King Homer)            Johnny Katastrophe Kogen
	                        Warped Wally Wolodarsky
	(Dial "Z" for Zombies)  Scarifying Sam Simon
	                        Vicious Jon Vitti
	Directed By             Bloodcurtling Carlos Baeza

>> Halloween Costumes
{rc}
        Homer    as Julius Gaius Caesar
        Marge    as Cleopatra
        Bart     as the malchik Alec from `A Clockwork Orange'
        Lisa     as the Statue of (what) Liberty (means to me)
        Milhouse as the Flash
        Martin   as Calliope, muse of heroic poetry

>> King Homer's luncheon menu
{hot}
        Lenny (who used to be one of Homer's co-workers in sector 7G.)
        Smithers, soon after getting his salary raise from Burns.
        Shirley Temple (impersonator?)
        Marge's father.

>> Gravestones in the Pet Cemetery (Dial "Z" for Zombies)
{rc}
        Hamster in a exercise wheel
        Lobster  [Eaten by Mistake]
        Doggie tomb with a bone-shaped headstone
        Fish Police (unsuccessful TV show)
        Capitol Critters  (")
        Family Dog  (")

>> Bart's incantations

  Instant Zombies:
        Collin - Rayburn - Nars - Trebek	(game show hosts)
        Zabars - Kresge - Caldor - Walmart	(convenience stores)

  SnailSpell:
        Kolchak - Mannix - Banachek - Dano	(70s' TV detectives)

  Zombie eradicator:
        Trojan - Ramses - Magnum - Sheik	(prophylactics)

==============================================================================
> Freeze-Frame Fun
==============================================================================

==============================================================================
> Animation and continuity goofs
==============================================================================
    ... the `Dick Cavett Born' news item featured a photo of the adult Dick
        Cavett.  {jd}
    ... Snowball died four years ago, but the gravestone lists 1990 as the
        time of her death.  {jd}

==============================================================================
> References to previous episodes
==============================================================================
  [8F02]  The Monkey's paw.
  [8F12]  Lisa's Malibu Stacey doll.
     >> DYN that Malibu Stacey's moved out of her shoebox apartment into a
        lovely new home?  I (jd) wonder if she's still putting out that
        feminist newsletter on her little printing press. -jd

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dora Kilburn {dk}:  Okay, so it wasn't as side-splitting as last year's, but
    it was still the best episode this season.  My favorite line had to be
    when Bart was (politically) correcting Lisa that zombies prefer the term
    'living impaired'.

David Hyatt {dh2}:  Loved it, I laughed, I cried, etc.
    The first of the three stories was definitely the best.  The Homer/Ape
    story was a little less satisfying -- a lot of great weird stuff like
    just randomly eating people, but the Homer/Ape wasn't developed well
    enough.  Was he an ape who looked like Homer?  Or was he Homer, in the
    body of an ape?  Not enough "ape-like Homerisms" to really round out
    this big character.  Burns did an excellent job, though.

    I didn't like the "Evil/Good" switch -- lame!  But the scenes of Krusty
    with Malibu Stacey were pretty good.

    Long live the maniacal laughing aliens!

Joe St. Lucas {jsl}:  After watching the first two segments of the show, my
    kids thought it should have been a Valentines' Day special -- too much
    love stuff.  I thought the zombie part was as funny as could be, but the
    kids said it sucked.  Their ages; 14 and 11.  Maybe we'll see it again
    next February, heh?

Mike Hammond {mh}:
    I though it was kinda ironic that Einstein must walk the earth on search
    of brains..
[but not for the same reason you cited; Albert's brain was removed for
examination on his death. -cjb]

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
James Willer {jw}:  Has anyone else noticed that *every* song Homer has sung
    this season has been featured in an inane commercial?
        - Short Shorts (Nair) [9f01]
        - Georgie Girl (Weight Watchers w/ Ms. Redgrave) [9f02]
        - Oscar Mayer [9f04]

Dave Hall {dh}:
    The 2nd story breaks new ground in prime-time television by actually
    showing a lead character (King Homer) *eat* several other characters!

Mike Hammond {mh}:  In response to all those posts speculating if Springfield
    is in Canada, this episode has now put those speculations to rest.  In
    one of the skits (the one with the zombies), Bart presents a pre-school
    alphabet book for his book report, and refers to the last letter of the
    alphabet as ``zee''.  Well, as every good Canadian knows, the last
    letter of the alphabet is pronounced ``zed''!  Thus Springfield can't be
    in Can...wait a minute!  I know!

    SPRINGFIELD IS IN WINDSOR!!

==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene summary
==============================================================================
The disclaimer for this year's Halloween special is brought to us by Homer,
imitating the distinctive outline of Alfred Hitchcock.

Homer: Good evening.  I have been asked to tell you that the following show
       is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares.  You
       see, there are some *crybabies* out there (religious types mostly),
       who might be offended.  If you are one of them I advise you to turn
       off your set now.

Homer dares us by flapping his arms and clucking like a chicken.  Someone
in the television audience does. Marge speaks up from the darkness.

Marge: Homer!  Did you just call everyone ``chicken''?
Homer: Noooo.  I swear on this Bible!
Marge: That's not a Bible; that's a book of carpet samples.
Homer: Ooooh... fuzzy.

The Simpson family host a Halloween costume party for Bart and Lisa's
friends.  Homer descends the stairs, dressed in a toga.

Homer: Behold mighty Caesar! [sheet catches on a nail]  In all his glory!
       [kids laugh at the Emperor's new clothes]  D'oh!

Nelson (dressed as a pirate) watches Martin tiptoe towards him.

Martin: I am Calliope, the muse of heroic poetry!
Nelson: No kiddin'!  [punches Martin]

Bart ``Alec'' Simpson admits to his mother.

Bart:  [English accent] Stupid party, wish we were trick or treat'n.
Marge: Now Bart, you can find just as much horror around the house.

Marge sits in the middle of the front room with a flashlight.  Lisa turns
the lights out as Marge begins with a scary story about a witch who died
horribly.  She passes food around to the children that represent parts of
the witch's body.

Bart:  Yo, Mom!  We haven't got the eyeballs yet.
Marge: [aims the flashlight at Homer, who is eating the ghoulish snacks]
       Homer, you're ruining it!
Homer: Yeah, well... It was an evil game.

Marge asks if there are any requests for a ghost story.  Lisa suggests
``A Boy and his Doll.''

Homer: That's not so scary.
Lisa:  A doll...  From *Hell*!
Homer: [scared] I'm gonna go to the store...
Lisa:  [laughs evilly]

== CLOWN WITHOUT PITY ==

Bart thanks Grampa Abe Simpson for giving him lots of cash for his birthday.
Marge wonders where Abe got the money from.

Abe:   The Government.  I didn't earn it; I don't need it; but if they miss
       one payment, I raise HELL!

Bart:  Hey Homer, where's your present?
Homer: D'oh!  I mean... *Don't* worry son, I forgot to get you a present.
       But I swear on my father's grave--
Abe:   Hey!

Homer rushes off to the nearest convenient `House of Evil' (your one-stop
Evil shop).  He asks the owner who appears out of the shadows if he sells
toys.

Owner: We sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread.
       We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call ``Frogurt''!

Homer tells the owner that he is looking for a birthday present for his 10
year old son.  The owner hands to him a talking Krusty doll.

Owner: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: [worried] Ooooh, that's bad.
Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: [worried] That's bad.
Owner: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: [relieved] That's good.
Owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate.
Homer: [stares]
Owner: That's bad.
Homer: [worried] Can I go now?

Bart and his friends use the front door to play `Pin the Tail on the
Donkey'.  During Milhouse's turn Homer bursts in.

Homer hands his delicately wrapped birthday present over to Bart, who
immediately renders the packaging to shreds.  After testing the doll (``I'm
Krusty the clown, and I love you very much.'')  Bart gives his father a hug
and thanks him for the best birthday present he's ever received.  Abe has a
different opinion.

Abe:   [shouting] That doll is *evil*, I tells ya.  Evil!  Eeeeeeviilllll!
Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
Abe:   [whines] I just want attention.

Sitting on the couch with a large bowl of popcorn, Homer watches a Kent
Brockman news report.

Kent:  And in environmental news, scientists have announced that
       Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly.

Homer starts to play with the talking Krusty doll sitting on the couch next
to him.

Doll:  I'm Krusty the clown and I don't like you.
Homer: Heh heh heh heh.
Doll:  I'm Krusty the clown and I'm going to *kill* you!
Homer: Hee hee hee.  Didn't even pull the string that time.
Doll:  I said I was going to kill you! [points finger] YOU!  Homer Simpson!

Homer dismisses the doll over the side of the couch, but the doll reappears
brandishing a large butchers knife.  Homer's screams; the rest of the family
rush in from the kitchen.  Homer cowers at the opposite end of the couch
from the doll.

Marge: Homer, what's wrong?
Homer: [pointing to the harmless doll]
       That doll tried kill him!
Bart:  I'd say the pressure has finally gotten to Dad, but what pressure?

Homer's pleads go unheeded as his family leave him to be alone with the
doll.  The doll approaches, laughing sinisterly until the pull-string ends.
At the doll's request, Homer pulls the string and the the doll continues its
sinister laugh.  Homer takes a bath.

Homer: My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R.  My baloney has a second
       name, it's H-O-M-E-R...

The doll emerges out of the bath water, welding a miniature harpoon.  Homer
screams and runs nude through the house; past Marge and her two sisters in
the kitchen.

Patty:  There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

Krusty chats up Lisa's Malibu Stacey doll.

Krusty: Hey baby!  Get comfortable.  Relaaax.  It's a little hot for that
        cheerleader outfit, don't you think?

Homer enters Lisa's bedroom with a bag, rope, chains and a suitcase.  He
grabs the doll and drops him in with bag of dirty socks and secures it in
the suitcase.

Krusty: You think your dirty socks can stop me?!
        Well, they *are* making me... dizzy.  Ooooohhh..

After locking the suitcase, Homer drops it down the Bottomless Pit (``Good
byeeeee, Dolly.'')  A gangster bids arrivederci to a body bag and throws it
down the hole.  Another man walks up to the edge of the pit and drops in a
box of photos.

Man: I was a fool to think that anyone would want nude photos of Whoopi
     Goldberg. [pit rejects the photos]  What the--?

Homer returns home and parks his car in the garage; unaware of the tiny
passenger strapped to the car's underside.  Two tiny hands cover Homer's
eyes has he enters the house.

Doll:  Guess who, Fat boy!!
Homer: [blinded, bumping around] Marge!  Marge!  Look!
Marge: [from the kitchen] Oh, my God!
Homer: [staggering into the kitchen] The doll's trying to kill me and the
       toaster's been laughin' at me!

Homers rolls around on the floor and dunks the doll's head in the dog dish
(``Eeeew! Dog water!'').  Marge calls the number on the Krusty doll box
(1-900-DON'T-SUE).

Marge: Your doll is trying to kill my husband!  [pause] Yes, I'll hold.

Marge lets the Krusty Co. repairman in the kitchen to see Homer on the floor
with the doll yanking at his tongue.  Picking up the doll, the repairman
identifies the problem.

Repair: [pointing to a switch on the back of the doll]  Yup.
        Here's your problem; someone set this thing to ``evil''.

Problem solved.  The repairman places the doll on Homer's chest, leaving it
to confess its love for Homer.  Homer hugs the doll (``Come here, you.'')

And soon the doll becomes a slave to Homer's every desire.  Homer blankly
watches the TV as Krusty places a tray of food on the coffee table.

Doll:  Here you go, buddy.
Homer: Did you walk the dog?
Doll:  Yeah, he buried me a couple of times.
Homer: Yeah, dogs like to bury old junk.
Doll:  Yeah. [sotto voce] You stupid jerk!

At the end of the day the doll returns home to Malibu Stacey (in Lisa's doll
house).

Doll: Oooh, what a day.  Homer made me give him a sponge bath [shutters]
      But coming home to you makes it all worth it.

Stacey's head falls off when Krusty kisses her, but he immediately returns
it to her shoulders.  With an arm around his partner, the doll is content.

[End of Act One.]

Shining a flashlight in his face, Homer bores everybody with his own lame
attempt at story telling.

Abe:   Homer!  I've coughed up scarier stuff than that!

Bart:  Grandpa, why don't you tell us a story?  You've led an interesting life.
Abe:   [resentfully] That's a lie and you know it!  But I have seen a *lot*
       of movies...

== KING HOMER ==

It was a dark and foggy evening.  Marge approaches Mr. Burns and Smithers
who stand waiting on a wharf.

Marge: My name is Marge Bouvier; I'm here about your ad [in the newspaper
       she is holding]: ``Single white female wanted for mysterious
       expedition.  Must like monkeys.  Non-smoker preferred''.
Burns: Well, you'd be a welcome change of pace from the rest of these crude
       and uncouth sailors.

On the dock, two of the crude and uncouth sailors (``Aaarrr!'') attempt to
stare each other down.  Burns turns to Smithers.

Burns:    What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and sea-men don't mix.
Burns:    We *know* what you think! [to Marge] Young lady, you're hired.
          [laughs sinisterly]

At sea, Marge catches some rays while Karl, Lenny and Charlie admire the
view from the ship's smokestack.

Karl:    Hey, I heard we're goin' to Ape Island.
Lenny:   Yeah, to capture a giant ape.
Karl:    I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island?  What do they got there?
Karl:    Apes.  But they're not so big.

Anchored off the shore of Ape Island, Captain Otto hears the natives chanting
``HOMER! HOMER! HOMER!''.  He asks Mr. Burns about it.

Otto:  Hey, who's this ``Homer'' dude?
Burns: He's either a 50-foot prehistoric ape, or a tourist trap concocted
       by the Ape Island Jaycees.  Either way, we're going ashore.
Marge: Am I going too?
Burns: Of course.  We wouldn't think of going without the bait-- uhh, that
       is, the bait-thing beauty.  The bathing beauty!
       [to himself] Heh heh!  I covered that up pretty well.

Standing before an awesome wooden gateway, the Chief notices Burns, Smithers
and Marge hiding in the bushes while the other natives continue chanting.

Chief: Mosi Tatupu!  Mosi Tatupu!
       (translation: The Blue-haired woman will make a good sacrifice.)
Marge: What's he saying?
Burns: He's saying ``We wouldn't *dream* of sacrificing the blue-haired woman''

Her kind comments are interrupted when the natives grab her, clothe her in
their traditional sacrificial garments (i.e: skimpy clothing) and tie her
between two pillars on the wrong side of the gates.

Marge: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Summoned by a giant gong, King Homer calls off his battle with a dinosaur to
investigate.  Marge screams some more when a giant face stares down at her
from the treetops.  Nearby, Mr. Burns explains to Smithers the importance of
the moment.

Burns: Smithers, this is a golden opportunity!  If we can get him alive, we
       can put him on Broadway!  Dead, we'll sell monkey stew to the Army!

King Homer enjoys playing and smelling Marge's hair (much to her liking).
Mr. Burns instructs his armed men in how to bring down a Homer.

Burns: Now we don't want to kill him!  Shoot him around the groin and belly!

King Homer only feels a mild stinging sensation from the rifle bullets, and
is only mildly distracted when Lenny fires a Chemical-plant-sized cannon.
After placing Marge safely in a tree, the aggravated ape drops Lenny into
his mouth.

Lenny: Hey Homer, cut it out!  Come on!  Quit eatin' me!

Karl fires his rifle, hitting Lenny in the arm.

Lenny: [sarcastically] Ow!  Nice shot, Karl!

King Homer burps after swallowing Lenny.  Mr. Burns tries the sleeping gas.

Burns: All right, you big ape... Get a snootful of this gas bomb!

He feebly throws the bomb a foot and gets a snootful himself.  Smithers
succeeds on the second attempt.

Burns: Nice work, Smithers!  When we get back, I'm giving you a raise!
       [King Homer swallows Smithers whole] Oh well...

Homer is chained and shackled, and brought to Broadway with the `Chubbiest
Kickline in Town'.  After dancing girls kick their way off stage, one of the
many reporters asks Mr. Burns a question.

Reporter: What kind of show do you got for us, Mr. Burns?
Burns:    Well, the Ape's going to stand around for three hours or so,
          then we'll close with the ethnic comedy of Duggan and Dirschwitz.
Reporter: Sen-sational!

Mr. Burns walks out before the audience.

Burns: Ladies and gentlemen!  In his native land he was a King!  But he
       comes before you in chains for your own amusement!  Presenting Homer!
       The eighth wonder of the world!

The curtains draw back, presenting a terrified Homer.  Barney (rudely) points
his finger at the King, amazed at the size of Homer's platform.  Reporters
start taking photographs; Marge senses the camera flashes are unsettling the
giant beast.

Marge: I think you're making him angry...
Dave:  C'mon, what's he gonna do?  Run amok in downtown Springfield?

Famous last words -- Homer breaks free of his bonds to scratch himself,
squashing the reporter.  The screaming crowd scatter except for Barney, who
courageously offers Homer a peanut; kicking the greedy ape for taking all of
them.

King Homer crashes through the wall into an adjoining theater, where Shirley
Temple is performing.  Homer is briefly charmed by Shirley's singing and tap
dancing before he swallows her whole.

In the penthouse suite of the tallest building in Springfield, Mr. Burns is
deeply shaken by the recent events.  He sits with Marge on a bed.

Burns: I'm dreading the reviews, I can tell you that.

An angry eye peeks through a window, and Marge cheerfully waves back.
Reaching into the room and taking a screaming Marge in his hand, Homer
starts to climb the building.  Planes are circling above them.

Marge notices Homer's difficulty in the climbing the building.

Marge: Y'know, you look a little flushed.  Maybe you should eat more
       vegetables and less people...

The exhausted Homer places Marge on a ledge and falls just a few feet to the
pavement.  A crowd gathers as Burns and Marge approach the body.

Marge: [feeling for Homer's breath with her hand] He's not dead!
Burns: No, but his career is.  I remember when Al Jolson ran amok at the
       Winter Garden and climbed the Chrysler building.
Homer: [moans]
Marge: Don't worry, Homey.  I'll take care of you.

A newspaper spins into view; the headline reads: `WOMAN WEDS APE'.  At
church, family and friends of the bride and groom watch as the Beauty and
Beast exchange vows.  Afterwards, they have their picture taken.

Photographer: Folks, if you could just stop cleaning each other for a second..

Ingrid Bouvier: [worried] Wait, Marge, I can't find your father!
Marge:  [sees a leg disappear down King Homer's mouth] Oh, Homer!

[End of Act Two.]

Instead of candies, Marge brings out a bowl of fruit for the kids.  A
ungrateful child throws an ashtray at her.  Before she can recover a man
with his head resting on his chest and blood spurting from the neck stump
jumps through the front door.

Man:  Awwwwwwooo ooooooogh!
kids: [all screaming] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Ned:  Hi kids!  Did I scaredly dare you?
Bart: Nice try, Mr. Flanders.  But I've got a story so scary you'll wet your
      pants!
Abe:  Too late. [kids shift away]

== DIAL "Z" for ZOMBIES ==

Bart gives a book report during class.  Mrs. Krabappel listlessly endures.

Bart:  From A-Apple to Z-Zebra, Baby's First Pop-up book is 26 pages of
       alphabetic adventure!
Mrs.K: Bart, you mean to tell me you read a book intended for preschoolers?
Bart:  Well, most of it.

Krabappel orders him to find another book to review.  In the school library
Bart fails to be impressed with the latest `Where's Waldo' book (``Man, he's
not trying anymore!'').  He looks around further and notices the Occult
section.

Bart: Gee, I never notice that before.

Bart enters holding of a candle made from a human skull.  A Time Life book
flies out from the shelf, striking Bart on the head.

Bart: [reading the title] Book of Magic and Spells;  Vol.II
Book: [four apparitions appear] Evil!...EVIL!...MADNESS!...Beware!...BEWARE!
Bart: Cool!  [slams the book shut]
Book: Oww!...OWWW!...oww!...OWWW!

In Lisa's room, Bart eagerly reads from the book of magic while Lisa grieves
over a photo of Snowball I.

Bart: Chapter 8; Let's talk zombies.  If a zombie bites you, you'll become a
      zombie.  You must walk the earth, feeding on the brains of the living
      until the spell is broken.
Lisa: [annoyed] Bart, please.  Don't you remember that Snowball I died four
      years ago tonight?  Run over by the Mayor's beer-swilling brother,
      Clovos(sp?).
Bart: Hey, maybe there's a spell in here that will bring her back from the
      dead?  [Lisa blinks as Bart flips through the pages]
      Let's see what we got.  How to get your skeletons their whitest.
      Selling your soul in a buyers' market.  Ahh, here we are; how to raise
      the dead.

At the Springfield Pet Cemetery Bart wears a black cape and a Michael
Jackson album cover as he recites the spell.  Lisa anxiously stares at SB1's
gravestone.

Bart: [raising a hand in air] Collin..Rayburn..Nars..Trebek! [lightning]
      [raising both hands] Zabars..Kresge..Caldor..Walmart!

As the last syllable leaves his mouth, lightning strikes all the tombstones
in the Cemetery and Zombies appear.

Lisa: [staring at SB1's grave marker] It's not working.  [sighs]
      [notices zombies] Bart! You cast the wrong spell -- ZOMBIES!
Bart: Please Lis, they preferred to be called the `Living Impaired'.

In front of Springfield Elementary Groundskeeper Willie pats down the earth
with a shovel, and is attacked by two Zombies who emerge from the ground.

On their bicycles, Bart and Lisa ride like the wind as Zombies give chase.
Zombies knock at Ned Flanders' front door.

Ned:     Well how'd strangers, what can I do you for?
Zombies: BRAINS!  BRAINS!  BRAINS!
Ned:     Well Sui Doloks; you rascal, [chuckle] I thought you were dead.

Ned screams as the Zombies attack.  Back home, Bart and Lisa confess to Homer.

Lisa:  Dad, we've done something very bad!
Homer: [eating pork rinds, frowns] Did you wreck the car?
Bart:  Nooo!
Homer: [frowns] Did you raise the dead?
Lisa:  Yesss!
Homer: [more frowns] But the car's okay?
Kids:  Yes!
Homer: [relieved] Alright then.

Martin hears Principal Skinner's voice over the P.A.  Skinner sits in his
office with his back to us.

Skinner: Martin Prince; report to my office at once...
         [turns around, revealing ghastly features] and bring that big juicy
         chestnut brain of yours... [licking his lips] Mmmmm!

Homer watches Krusty the Klown on the TV while the rest of the family
urgently board up the windows.  Krusty stands before a large gift-wrapped
box that is the first prize in the Krusty Sweepstakes.

Krusty removes the ribbon and Sideshow Mel pops out; dragging the screaming
clown into the box.  The studio broadcasts a ``Please Stand By'' card, but
Krusty is soon back on the air.

Krusty: [zombie-like] To enter, send me your parents' brains.  Put your
        parents' brains on a 3x5 card, and send it to--

Marge:  [interrupting] Homer, did you barricade the door?
Homer:  Why?  Oh, the Zombies.. No! [the back door collapses inward]
Family: [seeing the zombies] Aaaaaaaagggggggh!

Homer unselfishly offers himself to the Zombies to allow his family a chance
to escape, but the Zombies ignore him because they couldn't find a brain.
Homer finds the rest of the family in the master bedroom huddled on the bed.

Bart:  I thought dabbling in the Back Arts would be good for a chuckle, how
       wrong I was; I should have never read that book!
Lisa:  Bart, maybe the library has another book that will reverse the spell?
Marge: It's our only hope!
Homer: [cocking a sawn-off shotgun] To the book depository!

Homer cautiously leads his family to the car parked outside, but is stopped
by Ned Flanders.

Bart:  Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!
Homer: [smoking gun in hand] He was a Zombie??

On the way to the school, Homer listens to the radio for any news.

Radio: KZMB, all zombie radio...Grrrrrrrrrr!

Meanwhile, a flying Saucer hovers above the Earth.

Alien1: The zombies have the earthlings on the run.
Alien2: Soon the human race will wither and fold.  Let the earth plunge
        we've seen on the Observe-a-scope.

Both Aliens laugh maniacally.  Below, OFF makes their way past a zombified
Jimbo, Kearny and Dolph as they boot Skinner's head around (``Owww! Careful,
not the face!'').  Inside the school, Homer blows way a zombie Mrs. Krabappel
and a few others before finding Barney chomping down on an arm.

Homer:  [shocked] Barney, not you too?!!
Barney: I'm not a Zombie, but hey, when in Rome..

Barney notices a Zombie George Washington staggering about.  Homer blows
Washington away ..and Albert Einstein ..and William Shakespeare.

Homer: Take that, Washington!
       Eat lead, Einstein!
       Show's over, Shakespeare!
Will:  [collapsing dramatically] Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?

In the occult section of the school library, Lisa watches anxiously as the
Zombies smash their way into the room while Bart searches frantically for
the book.

Bart: Kolchak..Mannix..Banachek..Dano!  [-poof- Lisa turns into a snail]
Lisa: What's wrong?
Bart: I never realized what a beautiful young woman you've become.
Lisa: [blushes]

Bart: Trojan..Ramses..Magnum..Sheiks!

Brilliant blue light bursts forth from the book, dispersing throughout
Springfield.  Fearing the enchanted light, the zombies return to their
graves.

Zombie1: See you in hell.
Zombie2: Still pushing that boulder?
Zombie1: Uh huh.

Two John Smiths fight over a grave.  In front of City Hall, Mayor Quimby
addresses the gathering crowd.

Quimby: The, aw, Zombies that plagued our town are now just corpses rotting
        in our streets.
Crowd:  [cheers]

At home, everything is back to normal.  OFF watches TV.

Marge:  Well, I'm sure glad we didn't turn into mindless zombies.
Bart:   [zombie-like] Shhhhh...T V.
Homer:  [zombie-like] MAN..FALL..DOWN.....FUNNY!
Family: [zombie-like] MMMMMM.

==============================================================================
> Distribution notice and Acknowledgments
==============================================================================
This compilation Copr. 1992 Chris Baird; Scene Summaries Copr. 1992 Dave Hall.
Quotes from The Simpsons are the property of 20th Century FOX Television, and
the other reproduced contributions belong to their respective authors.  To be
freely distributed through Usenet or any other associated networks on the
provision it remains unaltered and is not used to promote a commercial service.

Significant contributions from...

 {cjb} - Chris Baird (c8923075@mystra.newcastle.edu.au)
  {mb} - Mike Berman (MSB101@psuvm.psu.edu)
  {hb} - Harvey Bornstein (harvey@lugnut.prime.com)
 {bhc} - Bart Calder (bhc@mayhem.east.sun.com)
 {jjc} - Jim Campanella (jjc4@po.cwru.edu)
  {tc} - Terry Carroll (tjc50@juts.ccc.amdahl.com)
  {rc} - Ron Carter (rcarter@nyx.cs.du.edu)
 {jrd} - John R. Donald (jdonald@us.oracle.com)
  {de} - Doug Easterly (hapa@cats.ucsc.edu)
 {jmg} - James Gouldsbury (jmg20@duts.ccc.amdahl.com)
  {dh} - Dave Hall (dave@sys6626.bison.mb.ca)
  {mh} - Mike Hammond (mhammond@bnr.ca)
  {dk} - Dora Kilburn (kilburn@tomb.cs.wisc.edu)
       - (jpl10@duts.ccc.amdahl.com)
       - Rob Lopez (rlopez@loanstar.tamu.edu)
 {jsl} - Joe St.Lucas (stlucas@gdwest.gd.com)
  {mn} - Michael Neylon (mneylon@jupiter.cse.utoledo.edu)
  {ap} - Andy Peters (adpeters@sunflower.bio.indiana.edu)
  {dp} - David Pochron (pochron@picard.cs.wisc.edu)
  {gs} - Glen Santos (rsantos@milp.jsc.nasa.gov)
  {ns} - Norm Schaeffer (hwtx@cornella.cit.cornell.edu)
  {ls} - Lisa Simpson (lsimpson@glencoe.apana.org.au)
  {ct} - Carl Tait (tait@cs.columbia.edu)
 {hot} - Henry O. Tirado (hot@cbnewsb.cb.att.com)
  {kw} - Karl Wagenfuehr (wagenfuh@huey.udel.edu)
  {pw} - Pete Wilkinson (dapete@cup.portal.com)
  {jw} - James Willer (jwlr@okeeffe.cc.rochester.edu)
 {jjw} - John J. Wood (jojw@uhura.cc.rochester.edu)

==============================================================================