From: desiree@netcom.com (Desiree Champagne)
Subject: Deep Pocket Paranoia (was Re: Pre-Sex Contract)
Summary: It's 20c in my room
Organization: Procrastinators United
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 1992 01:00:32 GMT

In article <1559@ozz.oasis.icl.co.uk> dvp@oasis.icl.co.uk (Geezer) writes:
>liz@vfl.paramax.com (Liz Loquacious) writes:
>> 
>> And there's a lot to what Desiree says about reevaluating the situation 
>> given a "today scenario".  The reality of a pregnancy is a lot different
>> than the hypothetical.  I wouldn't have anything to do with someone
>> who wouldn't "allow" me to follow my heart in the matter if my
>> feelings changed after and due to a bun in the oven, so to speak. 
>
>Follow your heart by all means but keep your hands off my wallet.

	For the umpteenth time -- who said anything about *wanting* your
billfold and the moths that it contains?  Did I ever say that?  Did Liz
or any of the other women that are posting on this topic?  I don't recall
that being the case (I may be wrong -- wouldn't be the first time...).

> And yes, if the new dad-to-be had a change of
>> heart I'd want to know but it's my health and life that's on the line, not
>> his so I do not see the double standard.
>
>But I bet you'd still make him pay if you decided to keep it against
>his wishes.

	And that is a bet that you would lose -- at least in my case.
See boys, not all women are out to "screw" the male populus for everything
they can get.  I understand that plenty of men have gotten fucked over
in relationships; I also understand that plenty that of woman have also
gotten fucked over.  

	In my own life I have had a child.  The child was mutually
desired by both of us.  When we split, my husband offered to pay child
support -- I didn't ask for it.  He's never paid me a dime of it anyway,
so it's a moot point.  Now, my child lives with his father (for reasons
that are none of your business, so don't even ask why), and I pay him
to help care, feed and clothe my son.  Why?  Because it's my responsibility!
I agreed to have the kid and when I did so, I took on a *life long*
responsibility to do just that.  I will continue to do, just that,
and gladly -- regardless of where my child lives.

	In other situations I have gotten pregnant and through discussion
with my partner we decided that it wasn't in the best interest to have
the child.  We both took responsibility for that course of action as
well -- we did it together.

	I know far too many men, sadly enough, that father children,
play daddy when it suits them and when it's time to move on they do.
The mother is left dealing with emotionally tornup kids, not a hell of
a lot moola, and no assistance in dealing with raising the kids.  

	I, myself do not condone the blackmailing of men by some women
if they become pregnant.  But if the child is desired by both, then you
damn well better take responsibility for that.  You cannot walk away
from a kid like you can a puppy or a kitten you decide to adopt on
a whimsy. 

	If you are going to fuck around and you don't want children, then 
take responsibility for preventing it.  If it does happen, then work
together to try and come up with something that works for all concerned.

	The bottom line is -- even if you don't want the child and
she does -- you are responsible for helping to make it.  If you cannot
communicate with your partner and work it out -- that is not the
kids' fault.  So stop making the child suffer because of your (and
your partner's) inability to come to terms with a very *real* situation.
	

I'm tired of this,


Desiree

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