HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: king_p@hengest.cs.odu.edu (Paul King)
Newsgroups: soc.couples,alt.sex.wizards
Subject: Re: Significant other(s) - polygamy?
Date: 12 Jan 93 00:04:19 GMT
	<1993Jan7.214420.23863@cbnewsd.cb.att.com>
	<1993Jan9.194625.15635@news.cs.indiana.edu>
Organization: Old Dominion University, Norfolk, VA, USA

In article <1993Jan9.194625.15635@news.cs.indiana.edu> "amy lynn young-leith" <alyoung@kiwi.ucs.indiana.edu> writes:

>   In article <1993Jan7.214420.23863@cbnewsd.cb.att.com> nance@cbnewsd.cb.att.com (nancy.l.colucci) writes:
>   >Gerry, and others:
>   >
>   >Hindsight is 20/20 and that's what I'm looking through here.  I've
>   >been in Gerry's situation and stayed in the relationship until it
>   >kind of crumpled around me and my blunt non-sugar-coated advice
>   >is Gerry, tell her to go to hell.  NOW.  While you still have your

>   My, aren't we quite the bitch?  Why not just tell this woman that he
>   can't accept that, it doesn't mesh with his desires and values, and
>   that he cannot continue a non-manogamous relationship?  That would be
>   much more productive. 
----------------------
  Same advice, different words. Sometimes the only way to leave is 
 with that much bitterness. If you play it smooth, you end up tricking 
 yourself back into something destructive. I prefer a smooth friendly exit, 
 but some people can't do it.

----------------------
>   >that price no matter HOW sweet and wonderful you think it is.  If this
>   >woman is so mentally screwed up that she needs to mess around with
>   >other guys to prove something to herself WITHOUT thinking about your
>   >feelings and what it will do to your relationship (namely, destroy it),
>   >dump the bitch.


>   Can the attitude.  Not everyone views relationships the same.  If you
>   can't accept the fact that people don't all wallow in monogamy, then
>   grow up and realize that whole world doesn't look through your eyes.
>   Doesn't mean you have to like it, or do it, but you don't have to be
>   such an ass about it. 
-------------------------

   The problem, as I read it, is that she isn't listening to him very well.
 Or he isn't telling her the truth, either way, his feelings are getting
 stepped on. He *can't* deal with it. Some of us can, some people just 
 aren't ready for it. Some people feel the way nanci (sorry if I munged 
 the quotes) does. It'd be nice if no one saw love as possesion, but some do. 
 Can't change everyone now. Like someone said in this thread, It's like a 
 strong religious difference. I wouldn't think of dating someone who required
 me to adopt a new religion, political view or who would leave me if I ever 
 expressed affection for someone else. Can't expect the original poster 
 to stay in a relationship with a basic difference like that, only question
 is what does it take to get out? Can he say "It would be nice if we could
 resolve this, and work on it without being involved" Without pain and 
 self-delusion? Or should he look for a clean (if cold) break?  



       -Paul



Free Hugs
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: psm@cs.brown.edu (Phoebe Martone)
Subject: Monogamy
Organization: Brown Computer Science Dept.
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 21:39:37 GMT

As someone who was in S.F. during the 60's, I'd like to say that I saw
may types of marriages, some monogamous and some very fascinating combinations.
I always knew that when I got married I would want monogamy . . . but that is
my personal preference, not everyone's.

Why is it that we humans feel there is only one way to do this or that?

The important thing is to have agreement on this within the relationship.
It doesn't usually work when one enjoys other people while the other feels
it is wrong for him/her and is going along with it just to please his/her
partner. That's too much of a sacrifice.

I think there's some anger generated around the subject of sexuality
between/among couples because people are confusing being unfaithful with
a conscious decision to share sex with others outside of the marriage.
They are two different things...

And each couple should have the right to do what is best for them. What is
not good is for one in the couple to lay it on the other that their way is
the only way. Better to find someone who feels more in tune with you, than
to force the other to be your way. But it helps to be clear as to what you
want and assert your right to find it with someone who wants to share it,
and not be intimidated in either direction.

It's also worth noting that, in some couples, one or the other wants to be
the ONLY one with this freedom while the other remains constant. That's never
going to work in any healthy way.

phoebe
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: psm@cs.brown.edu (Phoebe Martone)
Subject: singles groups / and dances for age 40 and up 
Organization: Brown Computer Science Dept.
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 13:49:58 GMT

Where are they? In Providence and Boston areas?

Thanks,
Phoebe
From: karin@seashell.esd.sgi.com (Karin Borda)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Thought for the day
Date: 5 Jan 93 17:07:55 GMT
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.

Be respectful and considerate of one another.
Organization: Queen's University at Kingston
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 12:57:13 EST
From: Psycho!! <HOLTONS@QUCDN.QueensU.CA>
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Another thought for the day...

Fall not in love... it may stick to your face.
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: lkahn@mitre.org (Larry Kahn)
Subject: Dating Survey REPOST (2 questions)
Organization: The MITRE Corporation
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 21:07:55 GMT

I'm reposting this since I put out the first post during the holidays and 
forgot that everyone might be on vacation (except me, who's been working 
like a dog).  If you'd like to add your input to the database, please 
email me or post here.  The two questions were:
1) How many people did you date before you met the person you ended up 
with (hopefully permanently) and how old were you when you met?  People 
that you only dated once count.  For you real studs and studettes just try 
for a reasonable estimate.
2) Approximately what percent of the people that you've met/dated did you 
feel had real possibilities of being a potential permanent partner? 

I'll post the results in another week or so,
        Larry

   -----------------------------------------------------------------------
   | Larry Kahn                       |                                  |
   | The MITRE Corporation            |   BE REASONABLE. DO IT MY WAY.   |
   | lkahn@mitre.org                  |                                  |
   |---------------------------------------------------------------------|
   |  These opinions may not coincide with my employer's (not that they  |
   |  pay any attention to an insignificant lackey like me, anyhow).     |
   -----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sosc1046@wc16.writer.yorku.ca (Michele Chauncey)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Romantic  Tapes
Date: 10 Jan 93 18:35:02 GMT
Article-I.D.: newshub.1993Jan10.183502.20819
Organization: York University

Here are some suggestions for your "Slow Jam" tape: Any JODECI songs, Mary  
J. Blige, " Everlasting Love" by Tony Terry with Jodeci, my favorite  
"Right Now" and " I Will Die For You" both by AL B. SURE! Please do not  
include any Luther Vandross songs for in my opinion they all sound the  
same.  " Candlelight and You" by Keith Washington  is a wonderful song.  
"Ready or Not" by After Seven and "Uh ah" by Boyz to Men are some great  
songs to get you in the MOOD.....  Well I hope that was helpful and good  
luck on your search, but since your a "great DJ " you don't need any  
luck!!!!
				Michele " An R&B and Hip Hop Fan"

p.s I forgot to mention "Always" and "Love Makes things Happen" by  
Pebbles, "One Heart", a song that Karyn White did not release from her  
most recent album, " My My My" by Johnny Gill, " Two Occasions" and "Whip  
Appeal" by Babyface and finally, "Rock with you baby" and "Tenderroni" by  
the Slow jam man Bobby Brown.

If possible could you list all the songs that you will put on the tape in  
a future posting, if you decide to sell copies.
					
					Thanks and good Luck 
						Michele
From: jonathan@geop.ubc.ca (Jonathan Thornburg)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Interracial Relationships
Date: 5 Jan 1993 15:49:45 GMT
Organization: U of British Columbia Astronomy + U of Texas Physics/Relativity
NNTP-Posting-Host: rubis.astro.ubc.ca
Summary: pointer to subperb book on the subject
Keywords: black white racial interracial

In article <1993Jan5.130510.27410@athena.mit.edu> rcmarab@athena.mit.edu (He Whose Name Is Not Spoken) writes:
>I would be interested in seeing people's experiences with interracial
>relationships, especially with how it affected interactions with parents,
>friends, etc.

The following book is both a very beautiful and moving account of
a successful interracial marridge, and an interesting sociological
account of racial prejudice in the USA and elsewhere today.  On a
scale from 0 to 10, I rate this book 10.  Highly recommended:

AUTHOR:     Mathabane, Mark.
TITLE:      Love in black and white : the triumph of love over prejudice and 
             taboo / Mark and Gail Mathabane. - 1st ed.
CALL NO:    E 185.97 M38 A32 1992
PUBLISHED:  New York : HarperCollinsPublishers, c1992.
DESCRIPTION: xiii, 274 p. : ill. ; 24 cm.
SUBJECTS:  *Search these headings to find more books
            Mathabane, Mark.
            Mathabane, Gail, 1962-
            Interracial marriage - United States.
            Blacks - United States - Biography.
            United States - Biography.


- Jonathan Thornburg
  <jonathan@geop.ubc.ca> through mid-January 1993, then
  <jonathan@einstein.ph.utexas.edu> or <jonathan@hermes.chpc.utexas.edu>
  [for a few more months] U of British Columbia / {Astronomy, Physics}
  [then through Aug/92] U of Texas at Austin / Physics / Relativity
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: sthor@ctp.com (Sarah Thornburg)
Subject: Re: Interracial Relationships
Organization: Cambridge Technology Partners
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 18:42:57 GMT

In article <16B50400E.O1ADAMS@VM1.CC.UAKRON.EDU> O1ADAMS@VM1.CC.UAKRON.EDU (Debbie Adams) writes:
>In article <C0DvyF.56y@news.cso.uiuc.edu>
>tmkk@uiuc.edu (Khan) writes:
> 
>> when teenagers get involved interracially
>>parents sometimes see it as some sort of rebellion statement as opposed
>>to a real relationship.
>>
>Now I find that statement rather interesting.  Does this mean the teenager
>is saying OK I don't like a certain thing, therefore, I'm going to do what
>is not acceptable to my parents or society.  In other words what they're
>doing is bad?
> 
>I'm a parent and I think teenagers today don't see color or race like we
>used to.  They pretty much seem to find nothing wrong with a person because
>of they're race or color.  They may have a problem more with what they're
>wearing than anything else.  .................Until they start dating
>someone of another color.  They seem to accept other races better than a
>mixture of black and white.  Black men and white women seem to be
>acceptable more than white men and black women.  What are we parents really
>teaching our children?  Our children are our future.
> 
>Race or color shouldn't matter.  We should all live together but society has
>not changed.  Will it ever really change where race isn't so much of an issue?

Yes, but what the person was saying was not that the *kids* were rebelling
against something that they are told is "wrong" (because you're right, I
think teenagers so see color and race differently) but that their *parents*
still see it only as a rebellion against something that they (not their
kids) themselves see as wrong.  The parents can't see past their own issues
of race and color to see it as anything more than a teenage rebellion.  It
has nothing to do with what the kids are really thinking.

*S*
-- 
Sarah Thornburg                    | "Love that dirty water.... 
Cambridge Technology Partners      | Boston you're my home." 
sthor@ctp.com                      |   
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: jgacker@news.gsfc.nasa.gov (James G. Acker)
Subject: Re: Remarrying Ex
Organization: NASA Goddard Space Flight Center - Greenbelt, MD USA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Distribution: soc.couples
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 14:36:14 GMT

Dave Melendrez (dmelen@esther.la.asu.edu) wrote:
: I'm curious if anyone has either experience with or has heard
: of anyone remarrying an ex-spouse.  Sounds crazy doesn't it?
: Before our divorce became legal (and we were merely separated), my wife and I were
: actually thinking about such a thing.  "So why get divorced?" you ask.
: I asked the same thing but she said she *had* to get her head straightened out
: and making a clean cut with a divorce was the only way she could start over. 
: It would also prove to her how much I cared about her if I still wanted her 
: back after the divorce.  Trouble is, she was so confused the last time I spoke
: with her (now over a month ago) that she asked that I not call her again until
: around the end of February.  So now I have serious doubts if such a thing like
: remarrying is even possible - let alone desirable.
: 
: Anyway, again I'm just curious if anyone else has gone through a similar
: situation.
: 

: _/_/_/_/_/  _/_/_/  _/_/_/   _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ Arizona State University
:    _/      _/      _/       _/_/_/_/_/   Mars Observer Spaceflight Facility
:   _/      _/_/_/  _/_/_/   _/ Thermal Emission Spectrometer Project Office
:  _/      _/          _/   _/_/_/_/_/               dmelen@evie.la.asu.edu
: _/      _/_/_/  _/_/_/   _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/         >Dave Melendrez< 
: _______________________ _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/


	Dave,

	Say hello to Hop (Bailey?) for me.  Tell him Jim Acker from
the UMBC Masters gave you the message.

	Now, as for your question:

	There are a series of Christian books out by authors John
Trent and Gary Smalley, on marriage and relationships.  One of their
prime examples (which I believe is in the book "If Only He Knew", and
is cited in their most recent book "The Hidden Value of a Man") is about
a man who went through a divorce.   Smalley counseled him during the
divorce, and apparently his advice (basically "Give her everything she
asks for, and more") worked, as they did remarry.
	Actor Gavin McLeod ("Mary Tyler Moore", "Love Boat") also
divorced his wife and remarried her.  So did Natalie Wood and Bob Wagner.
	So it happens.  Good luck.  (The books are quite good, BTW, and
not just for Christians).

	Jim Acker
	jgacker@neptune.gsfc.nasa.gov
From: sperry@convex.csd.uwm.edu (Robert Joseph Sperry)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Showers with SOs
Followup-To: soc.couples
Date: 11 Jan 1993 20:52:23 GMT
Organization: Computing Services Division, University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.30


Personally, I've found the best part of showering with an SO is not the
showering itself but licking the other person dry afterwards...

YUMMY! YUMMY! :-)



-- 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Robert Sperry				University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee
___________________________________________________________________________
Organization: Queen's University at Kingston
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 23:31:06 EST
From: K. Roper <ROPERK@QUCDN.QueensU.CA>
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Showers with SOs

In article <1i7id0INNlue@bigboote.WPI.EDU>, terrylee@bigwpi.WPI.EDU (Patricia M
Currier) says:
>
>In article <1htc66INNn27@network.ucsd.edu> mbreen@sdacs.ucsd.edu (Michael     )
>Breen
>writes:
>>One of our plans for our "dream house" is a large bath with two shower heads,
>>so we can enjoy the "growing closer" without the jockeying for position
>>that occurs in our too-tiny single-shower-head bath.
>
>
>And I thought I was the only one who wanted a shower like that.  Anybody else
>out there in net.land that thinks showers should be made with two heads?
>Maybe we can convince the plumbing industry to start making them standerd...
>
>-terrylee
>

   I've seen one of those.  The bathroom was an en-suite in
    an open-concept room, ie, a red-brick partition separated
    the bathroom and bedroom, with a fireplace on the bedroom
    side (you with me on this?).  The bathroom -- extremely
    large compared to the bedroom -- had the dual shower and
    two sinks.  I can't remember if it had two toilets, but
    personally I draw the line there :>

  It refected the flavour of the entire house.  Really nifty
    place ... I'd like to live in it, but hate to clean it :>
    (It's HUGE.)

  Kim
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu (Sharon O'Neil)
Subject: Sick and Tired of All the Damn Couples!
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 04:47:49 GMT

This is probably just due to the fact that it has snowed EVERY OTHER DAY
for the last week and we're currently having yet another blizzard and I've
about HAD IT being stuck in my house ALONE.  :-)

Usually, I get all these responses to my posts telling me how sweet and
sensitive I must be, but I'm really not feeling very sweet and sensitive
right now.  I'm really resenting all my friends because they're so damn
coupled.  When you're single, all the burden of calling people to do 
things seems to fall upon you.  I guess couples don't ever sit around and
think, "Gosh, I'm bored.  Wonder what Sharon's doing?"  It's not that I'm
trying to be really self-centered and think that I should be at the fore
of all my friend's thoughts, but geez, it would just be nice to hear from
some of them once in a while without having to be the one to call.  Maybe
I just want to feel like I'm special to them.  

I know this will probably start a flurry of why don't you find some single
friend letters.  Believe me, this is is something I've been working at:
trying to expand my social circle, going out places and all that.  But geez,
there don't seem to be that many around here.  Did someone kidnap all the
single people?  You think we could all band together against these couples?

Yes, this is a plea for attention.  Please send *HUGS*!

Sharon
oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu


Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: matt@severian.chi.il.us (Matt Crawford)
Subject: Re: Showers with SOs
Organization: The Chrome Plated Megaphone of Destiny
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 02:42:30 GMT

Lola Lee:
> SO stands for "Significant Other", your mate, be it a wife, husband
> or a lover.

Ah, the revisionism of youth.  That may well be the meaning a lot of
people impute to the term, but it originated in phrases such as
"spouse, fiance, or significant other" in which it clearly does not
refer to a spouse or a fiance.
__________________________________________________________
Matt Crawford       matt@severian.chi.il.us       Java Man
Newsgroups: soc.couples,alt.sex.wizards
From: "amy lynn young-leith" <alyoung@kiwi.ucs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Re: Significant other(s) - polygamy?
Organization: Indiana University, Bloomington
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 20:07:14 -0500

In article <1993Jan8.081018.12512@netcom.com> lile@netcom.com (Lile Elam) writes:
>I can't understand the condemning ither. I myself, have several lovers
>and they have several lovers themselves. We are very close (the people
>I am involved with) and have developed some really close friendships.
>Having open relationships is something I really like and before I
>become involved with someone, I make sure they know that I feel this way
>and that I already have lovers. 

The responses are so harsh because the thought *scares* so many
people.  They view relationships as "having" something, and they don't
want anyone else to "have" that.  This isn't wrong... but I think it
misses the REAL important parts of a relationship.  Of course this is
my opinion. 

>And I make sure they are into the same thing. I haven't tried more than
>a twosome but I am looking forward to the day when this happens.
>
>I have a hard time understanding how someone can not be bi and would
>want only a monogomous relationship but then, I don't condem folks
>for wanting this. I recon it's ok for people to have different ideas
>about relationships.

You may or may not be bi... I can only speak for myself here, of
course, but my being bi means I can be attracted to men OR women.  Not
men AND women, which grows from the stereotype that a bisexual person
"must" be involved with a man AND a woman.  This isn't necessarily
true.  Someone can easily be bi and monogamous.  They can find the
person they want to be monogamous with, and do so!  Nothing special.
It just might mean that gender didn't play a role in their search for
that person.  

amy
-- 
alyoung@kiwi.ucs.indiana.edu for personal mail
			    All business mail to alyoung@silver.ucs.indiana.edu
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
             I.U. probably doesn't agree with me.  I don't speak for
                    them so it doesn't matter, now does it? 
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: rcmarab@athena.mit.edu (He Whose Name Is Not Spoken)
Subject: Romantic Tapes
Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 23:04:31 GMT

Being the incredible DJ that I am (and getting tired of listenting to the same
tape every time my girlfriendq shows up), I will be manufacturing a "slow jam" tape
sometime in the next two weeks.  Please send me any suggestions you would like to
hear on it, and let me know if you are interested in obtaining a copy.  If the
interest is high enough, I will make it next weekend and make copies available to
members of the net for the low cost of return postage and a CrO2 cassette.

Please send email to the below address.

-- 
            the government's responsible the government's responsible
 	==================================================================
	|           "There Ain't Nothin' Like Hip Hop Music...."         |
	|								 |
	| The ReaL RoD-MaN a.k.a. DJ Prime a.k.a. rcmarab@athena.mit.edu |
        |                                                                |
	| 		*Get Off Your Ass And Get Informed!*             |
        |                                                                |
	|   HE WHOSE NAME IS NOT SPOKEN speaks for noone but himself.    |
	==================================================================
             the government's responsible the government's responsible
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: mcherm@msc.cornell.edu (Michael Chermside)
Subject: Re: Remarrying Ex
Organization: Cornell-Materials-Science-Center
Distribution: soc.couples
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 14:36:40 GMT

In article <DMELEN.93Jan7165409@esther.la.asu.edu> dmelen@esther.la.asu.edu (Dave Melendrez) writes:
>I'm curious if anyone has either experience with or has heard
>of anyone remarrying an ex-spouse.  Sounds crazy doesn't it?

  [ ommitted ]

>Anyway, again I'm just curious if anyone else has gone through a similar
>situation.

Well, I know of one couple who got divorced, but then later moved in
together and are now living happily(?) without benifit of matrimony.
I know of them through (of all people) their tax accountant -- who
says that he'd never dream of asking why, or of questioning it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Michael Chermside   mcherm@msc.cornell.edu

-- 
                                            --- Michael
Newsgroups: soc.couples