From: epeterso@fenix.encore.com (Eric Peterson)
Subject: Great moments from a Perot regime that will never be ...
Summary: By Dan Rodricks of the Baltimore Sun
	 Reprinted by the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel 7/21/92
News-Software: NN 6.4.16
Reply-To: epeterson@encore.com (Eric Peterson)
Organization: Encore Computer Corp, Umax Development
Date: 22 Jul 92 13:28:28 GMT

Does this mean we won't be having an Electronic Town Meeting?  I was
looking forward to talkin' things over with President Perot.

I had hoped to get a telephone call from him during a nationally
televised ETM.  I saw myself sitting at home on the sofa, little Nick
crying, "Mo-May! Mo-May!" which is what he says when he wants to watch
The Little Mermaid, and me explaining to the lad that talkin' things
over with President Perot was just a bit more important than watching
a Disney video for the 101st time.

And then the phone would ring and President Perot would be on the line
from the Oval Office.

I'd see him on my TV screen, his pants hiked to reveal knee-high
support hose, telephone in his ear.  And he'd ask me something like,
"Do you think the Yoo-nited States ought to be in the bidness of
payin' farmers for peanuts they don't grow?"

And, of course, I'd look into the little camera eye in the little back
box atop my TV and give my president a highly uninformed opinion that
would be broadcast across the continent.  The whole time, little Nick
would be screaming: "Mo-May! Mo-May!"

Then, of course, after hearing what I had to say, President Perot
would thank me for my participation, send me a nice Cross
pen-and-pencil set, then turn to the American people for a consensus.
"Can we all agree on this?"

Then we'd all vote on subsidies for peanut farmers.

And once the voting was done, once democracy was served and the
president knew exactly how the American people felt about subsidies
for peanut farmers, I'd click over to Channel 3 and check out The
Little Mermaid again.  (I love the part where Ursula the Sea Witch
gets it in the gut.)

I guess this kind of futuristic experience in direct democracy is not
to be.  Couch potato government will have to wait for the next
visionary to rise up and run for president.

Can I say I'm disappointed without sounding like an ardent fan of Ross
Perot?

I didn't think the guy could win.  And, in the past month or so, I've
started to se him as a bit of flake.  But, being a citizen of
Maryland, home of the wackiest governor in America, I know that flakes
in government are not an altogether bad thing.

Remove Dan Quayle from the picture, and I can't imagine how utterly
bleak and uninteresting life in America would have been the last four
years.  Only recently, when he started to break into inane babble, has
George Bush been even slightly entertaining.

Bill Clinton playing the saxophone?  A jazz saxophonist who never
inhaled?  That's not my idea of gettin' down.

But give me Ross Perot in the White House, and we could have had four
years, barring impeachment or resignation, of government as Hee Haw.

Too bad.  I was looking forward to the Electronic Town Meeting.

And there were many other things I had hoped for in a Perot
presidency.  The mind spins with images that could have been.

Here's my Top Ten List of Great Moments from a Perot Presidency That
Will Never Be:

  10. Leads party-goers in Electric Slide at Inaugural Ball.

   9. In forceful State of the Union address, Perot constantly refers
      to members of Congress as "you people".

   8. Perot, in camouflage gear, leads his crack private securit force
      in mock jungle combat against Secret Service in woods at Camp
      David.

   7. Perot dresses upas the Easter Bunny for the annual White House
      Egg Roll.

   6. Tennis with Boris Yeltsin.

   5. At a Big Seven summit in Bonn, Perot downs a few steins of
      Hollensheufereinerbrau -- "The Bavarian Lone Star" -- then,
      grinning madly, sits in German Chancellor Helmut Kohl's lap.

   4. Maintaining his reputation for hiring the "best people for the
      best job," Perot pays Sandy Koufax $1.6 million to throw out the
      first ball on Opening Day 1993.

   3. Perot announces that he has purchased Iraq, personally paid
      Saddam Hussein $35 million in severance and hired Lee Iacocca to
      run the country.

   2. Perot buys 30 million acres of Canadian timerland and has all
      spotted owls air-lifted from Oregon.  "Not a problem," the
      president declares.

And, the Number One Great Moment from a Perot Presidency That Will
Never Be:

   1. During visit to Daytona Beach sports bar, agrees to take part in
      a Ross Perot-tossing contest.

Xref: sparky alt.politics.perot:972 talk.politics.misc:34942