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Date:         Sun, 4 Oct 1992 21:08:00 EDT
From:         Gilbert Smith <N567126@NCSUADM.ACS.NCSU.EDU>
Subject:      WHTMINJ 1
Comments: To: English Language Discussion Group <words-l@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>

  What Happened To Me In New Jersey 1
  -----------------------------------------
         For the Colonel, With Affection
  ------------------------------------------
    1) Friday, September 18:  So, I had decided not to go to
  New York with the tc/sw on the weekend of September 26 for
  the opening of her gallery exhibit, being afraid as I was that
  I would sit around waiting for the bebe to be born and my
  _nuera_ would just look at me with that what are *you* waiting
  for look in her beautiful dark brown eyes, between bites of
  watermelon and sauerkraut, and then I would just get back on
  the airplane and go home with no grandchild in sight.  But,
  this morning at 10:00, I receive the call I've been waiting
  for for about *twelve* years:  "Your first grandbaby has
  arrived, looks like a boy, congratulations, grandpa."  The
  rest of the day is spent in deciding what to do next, with
  tc/sw offering the following suggestions:
  .
    a)  "Well, you have a new Miata, remember?  Just get in
    the damn thing and drive to New Jersey.  Isn't that why
    you bought it while I was in Czechoslovakia, so it would
    be *yours* to just jump in and drive off anytime you felt
    like it?  Jesus Christ, just make a decision, will you?"
    .
    b)  Or this:  "Today is Friday.  You can go next Friday if
    you call the airlines *now*, a week ahead, but you have to
    decide by midnight or you can't get the cheap ticket.  Or
    you can just sit there and do nothing, as you usually do.
    You could even stay until Monday, even though I'm coming
    back on Sunday.  That would give you more time to play
    with *your* grandbaby.  *Your* Miata.... *your* grandbaby...
    *your* reservation....  Just make a dicision, o.k.?  What
    *is* the problem, huh?"
    .
    c)  Or this:  "You know, I have to go on Wednesday, but you
    can't go until Thursday afternoon.  You could go Thursday
    afternoon, it's only about $450 for a regular ticket.  It's
    only money, you know.  *Your* money, you know.  You know,
    also, that you can do whatever you want, since you never
    want anybody's opinion about anything, so why am I making
    these suggestions?  Just *do* something, for god's sake.
    .
  2) So, stirred to action by these inspiring words, I call American
  Airlines at 11 pm and am happy to get a perfect reservation, going
  to Newark Friday morning and returning early afternoon Sunday,
  coordinating my return with tc/sw's so that I can bring her home
  from the airport after she arrives from LaGuardia on a U.S.Air
  flight.  All this while tc/sw is listening to the conversation.
  Which leads to the following exchange, in the course of which tc/sw
  deconstructs the text of -ggs' immediate past action:
  .
    tc/sw:  "What?  You just got a reservation on American to
    Newark?  Why didn't you go USAir to LaGuardia so you could
    fly home with me?"
    .
    ggs:  "Uh....  I don't know.  Do we want to fly on the same
    airplane?" (note: -ggs has never invoked this particular
    rational explanation for his actions before....parents on
    separate flights, indeed.  Good idea, but no dice....)
    .
    tc/sw:  "I can't believe that you got reservations on another
    airline!  Why didn't you want to fly home with me?  You just
    go off and do *your* thing.  That's just *typical* of this
    marriage.... NO.... wrong.  This is *not* a marriage. Excuse
    me please for that little slip of the tongue!"
    .
    ggs:  "Uh.... didn't you suggest I fly home on Monday?  Didn't
    *you* suggest I come home on a different flight? I guess
    I didn't know it was important to you to be on the same flight."
    (more rationalizing... right?)
    .
    tc/sw:  "I can't believe that you didn't *know* that!  Why
    didn't you *know* that?????"
    .
    ggs:  "Uh.....  I dont know...."
    .
  3) So, having made everyone happy one more time, -ggs begins to
  plan for a trip to New Jersey one week from today.  But first, he
  has to deal, once more, for the fourth time since May, with the
  College Foundation, Inc., who are persisting in insisting that
  --ggs' son's loan repayment is two months <in arrears>.
--------------------------tbc---------------------------------
--ggs
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