HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: brown@NCoast.ORG (Stan Brown)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Oh, God, I'm DYING for a cigarette!!!
Date: 31 Dec 92 12:57:02 GMT
Organization: Oak Road Systems, Cleveland Ohio USA

In article <8280@news.duke.edu> das@canctr.mc.duke.edu writes:
>Hey, I *know* this doesn't fit with the general scope of this group but...
>
>I'm gonna kill myself if I don't get a cigarette SOON!!!  

Sure it fits, because tobacco is one of the socially acceptable ways of
committing suicide.  It's part of our social hypocrisy that (outside of
a few enlightened folks here in and out of this group), it's okay
to kill yourself slowly through taking harmful substances into your
body, but not to kill yourself quickly by taking harmful substances into
your body.

The people who kill themselves through drugs, legal and illegal, are not
commonly recognized as suicides--but they are, they are--many of them.
-- 
Stan Brown, Oak Road Systems                      brown@Ncoast.ORG
Cleveland, Ohio, USA

What's a question that contains the word 'cantaloupe' for no apparent reason?
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu (Angela Marie Watson)
Subject: Longing for the land of long grass...
Organization: The Eternal Order of Chaos
Date: Sun, 27 Dec 1992 21:16:35 GMT


	Yes, I'm still longing to wander until I find myself blissfully
unaware in the land of long grass (close enough to heaven on earth to 
suit me).

	My other account seems to be taking a vacation during the hoildays
(meaning I can't read my mail until it comes back...)  =P

	Of course, I didn't notice that until today since I've been too
depressed to even bother logging on... I'm only on now to avoid doing something
else... (which I really must do at some point).

	It seems that hell is Hell is having a holiday as well... for every
day there are more demons dancing about in my mind... each with an unlimited
supply of salt and never-dulling nails... 

	It hasn't been too hard to put off a slow demise this holiday season...
many of those I know are busy pushing sweets of all sorts onto anyone they
see... makes it very easy to meet the absolute minimun of calories without
eating as much (volume wise).  Blessed be the 500+ calorie cookie!!!

	I managed to put back on 2 of the 3 dress sizes I lost over             
Thanksgiving... but I still have the remnants of some of the bruises (along
with some new ones)... however, most of it is just liquid weight...
[BTW, when trying the water intoxication method, make sure to wear loose       
clothes.]  

	I have a week or two before I hear from the friend I'm supposed to
see this Jan.  I also have about a week to find a new job (for my current
work will soon be done for the season)...  It's hard to really get myself
concerned about being unemployed when I know (so long as I send in some checks
first) that I could die in my room and not be discovered for at least a week 
up to a couple of months... of course, I know a few beautiful spots nearby
that I'd go undisturbed until someone's dog was drawn to my resting place
by the smell of my decomposing flesh (as my sister says rather sarcastically,
"Gee, Ang, you pick the greatest topics for conversation over the holidays.")

	Fuck it... time to buy a few more gallons of water for tonight...

	Psycho Kitten
	(playing hide and seek with herself)
From: llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: helplessness and powerlessness
Date: 30 Dec 92 16:38:23 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

Richard Powers (rpowers@panix.com) wrote:

: >control. i can decide how i feel about things, i can decide how (or
:           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 
: 
: I just don't understand this.  If I could just decide that I'm not in
: love with W----, I would be at least a bit happier (well, less
: depressed maybe).  If I could "decide" I really like working for
: minimum wage I _could_ be ecstatic for the rest of my life.  I don't
: know about anyone else (me?  sure of something?  never happen) but I
: cannnot accomplish anything remotely resembling this kind of control
: over my emotions.  

and i can't understand seeing yourself as helpless, a victim of forces
that you can't control, floating through life as a person who reacts
instead of acting.

you already decide, on some level, to feel the way you do about
things. just because a decision isn't arrived at consciously doesn't
mean it's not a decision.

i dunno; it's been my experience that people have things in their
lives because they get payoffs from having them there (payoffs can be
negative as well as positive). when the pain they cause outweighs the
payoffs, you're motivated to change things. sometimes, though, you
can't connect the pain to the cause or you have no clue about how to
get things out of your life. that's where therapy can be useful.

the payoffs from owrking for minimum wage don't outweigh the pain
caused by same; the payoffs from being in love with a person do
outweigh the pain this love causes you. so you try to avoid working
for minimum wage (unless the hassle of avoiding it is enough to make
you decide it's bearable for now) and you allow yourself to be in
love.

and the sucky thing about this is that it sounds so rational and easy
when you lay it out in these terms, this simply. the problem is that
when you get into real life and get emotions all tangled up in it,
it's harder to delineate.

--
sine nomine | deb martinson
the simplest things are hardest to do.
From: alto@pegasus.com (Andrea Ostensoe)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Apartment question
Date: 28 Dec 92 19:50:39 GMT
Organization: Pegasus,  Honolulu

In article <1992Dec21.214629.9294@linus.mitre.org> lewis@aera8700.mitre.org (Keith Lewis) writes:
>In article <1992Dec18.164118.10116@hemlock.cray.com>, davew@willow03.cray.com (Dave Wagner) writes:
>                                   ^^^^^^^  How appropriate.  :^)
>>If you break a lease by committing suicide, would the apartment manager
>>likely get the rest of the lease's rent from your estate?
>
>Yes, I think so. 
>
>If you're going to commit suicide, why not give away everything you own
>first?  Let the bastards try to collect from a bankrupt estate.
>
>Keith Lewis             klewis@mitre.org          "Mr. Cheap"
>I don't dance to music; music dances to me.  Email me for my PGP key.
>The above may not (yet) represent the opinions of my employer.

Interesting that someone brought this subject..we rent out our farm in
Alabama..and about a year or so ago..the tenant committed suicide (but of
course..i mean..Kali only rents to suicidal tenants ;-)..however..I'm glad
he didn't do it there..he did it in town..but my money sucking in-laws thought
I just hit up the surviving parents for the money..jeez..that made me really
angry..I instructed my agent he would be fired if he *even* suggested it to
the parents..just help them get his things out and offer our sympathies..

My in-laws thought I was crazy..but then I think they are lower then scum..
so I would say we are about even;-)


-- 
**************************************************************************
"I don't ask for much..just your heart on a silver platter;-)"
						-Kali
**************************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: freier@mail.physics.utah.edu (rodney james freier)
Subject: Re: Christmas comes but once a year
Organization: University of Utah - Physics Department
Date: Sun, 27 Dec 92 02:41:50 GMT

In article <92361.082621U60703@uicvm.uic.edu>, <U60703@uicvm.uic.edu> writes:
|>  [stuff deleted]
|> 
|> I could keep going on but won't....I guess I just want you out there to realize
|> that the survivors of a suicide are left with so much  pain/trauma/anger/con-
|> fusion to deal with.....and It stays with us always...it just lessons over
|> time...but for me the unanswered questions will always be there somewhere in
|> the back of my mind....along with the pain....and along with the love that
|> I will always carry for her in my heart....and a part of me likes to believe
|> that if she knew what all of us felt for her...REALLY knew...she'd be here
|> today.....

   I, too, am a survivor of a family suicide.  But my feelings and conclusions are
completely different.  From day 1 without my mom, I understood why she did what
she had to do.  The details aren't important. 
   I believe that if everyone understood exactly what loved one who committed
suicide had been going through, REALLY understood, they couldn't fault him/her in
the slightest.

Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: 00cmmiller@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: <None>
Date: 30 Dec 92 17:29:20 GMT
Organization: Ball State University, Muncie, In - Univ. Computing Svc's

this is for kali....and anyone else who wants to read it, i 
suppose.

there is a "thing" called seasonal affective disorder.  i have
it.  it's seasonal depression caused by the reduction of light
(possibly just plain old sunshine) during the winter months.
i don't remember who did it, but there was a study done on
people who had s.a.d. (kind of appropriate, don't you think?)
a few years ago.  those who were given rose-colored glasses 
reported being more happy than those who didn't wear them
(happy as based on some arbitrary happiness scale), and those
who spent several hours a day in rooms which were artificially
lit to resemble spring or summer days were the happiest of all.
s.a.d. can be treated with drugs or light therapy (meaning
light, not easy), or you can just live with it 
(assuming that your feelings aren't too bad).i just live with it.
my cat helps, and so does my beau!  
anyway, maybe that's what you have......
any comments, whatever, you can e-mail me or post.
candace
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: das@canctr.mc.duke.edu
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Oh, God, I'm DYING for a cigarette!!!
Date: 30 Dec 92 03:43:54 GMT
Reply-To: das@canctr.mc.duke.edu
Organization: Duke U. Med. Ctr., Durham, NC

Hey, I *know* this doesn't fit with the general scope of this group but...

I'm gonna kill myself if I don't get a cigarette SOON!!!  See, I'm tryin' to
quit 'cause I can't breathe when I smoke, but since I really don't care if I
live or die, I can't find any *real* motivation to quit.  I've been climbing
the fuckin' walls for 24 hrs now and a razor blade is startin' to look real
good to me.  Gotta admit one thing, I haven't had any problems breathing
today; makes the life I gotta live a little less painful I suppose.

So, now that I've bored all of you, PLEASE HELP ME!!!  Is there a support
group like SMOKE-ENDERS on the net or something???  I can't take another day
like today.  I gotta have nicotine.  Argh!

Thanks for listenin'

----------
Lorelei
71544.467@compuserve.com -or- steege@bchm.biochem.duke.edu 
71544.467@compuserve.com (preferred) -or- das@canctr.mc.duke.edu
----------
/
From: llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Arguing people out of suicide (was Re: Christmas comes but once a year)
Date: 30 Dec 92 16:49:44 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

rodney james freier (freier@mail.physics.utah.edu) wrote:

:    What do you mean by curable, first of all?  Sure, most emotional pain
: can be dealt with or made to 'go away', but that's still a far cry from 
: leaving the sufferer a wholly healed person. THAT is much more difficult.

the claim he was making was that there exist some people who are so
emotionally damaged that living is agony for them and will always be
agony. and even wholly healed people will still feel some pain
sometimes. life is difficult. m. scott peck calls this statement one
of th great truths, and notes that once you can accept it and stop
thinking life *shouldn't* be difficult, you can transcend it.

: There are those who would die rather than sacrifice their principles, and
: for the most part these people are respected.  Why not respect those
: who would rather die than to try to continue living after their dreams
: are dead?  In this card game you only get one hand, and if it's a lousy
: one, why not just fold?  Even though the pain of being delt a lousy hand
: can be exorcised, the fact of it remains.

what makes you assume that you just get one set of dreams? or that
when a dream dies, you can't grieve the loss and ge on with new
dreams? even inpoker you get to throw away some cards and draw new
ones. 

yeah, people have shit happen. and sometimes this stuff causes scars
that go deep -- i've got scars, pains, that will always be there. but
i can have a meaningful life anyway. i've had to change my dreams and
plans so many times i've lost track... i dunno.


:     And those not 'suffering from the condition' are?  The simple fact
: that someone has no connection to my pain tells me that s/he knows nothing
: of it.  While you may think 'sufferers' are biased towards believing their 
: pain is incurable, I am certain that non-sufferers are biased towards 
: believing the sufferer's pain is somehow overstated or overdramatized. 

did i say that anyone was capable of diagnosing it? you're reading
beyond what i said. all i said was that people who are in intense
emotional pain tend to suffer from distortions in judgment and that
these distortions impair their ability to realistically assess their
situations.

: |> sigh. it's a fine line between realism and self-pity.
:           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
:     Yes it is, likewise between optimism and self-aggrandizing fantasy.

i'm not sure what prompted this barb. i'm not into self-
aggrandizement. i just think it's not a good idea to accept any
situation as static, unchangeable, permanent.

--
sine nomine | deb martinson
who will not concede that we are all helpless victims.
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu (Angela Marie Watson)
Subject: Re: Wounds and Time
Organization: The Eternal Order of Chaos 
Date: Sun, 27 Dec 1992 20:42:40 GMT

	"Time heals all wounds."

	I agree that it means that with time the conscious mind will smooth
	over the details... but that is when the subconscious looks for the
	most inopportune moment to rip the scar wide open and pour half
	a pound of salt in it...

			Psycho Kitten 
			(too distraught to even torment yarn balls...)

 

Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: freier@mail.physics.utah.edu (rodney james freier)
Subject: Re: Christmas Survivors?
Organization: University of Utah - Physics Department
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 92 04:32:08 GMT

In article <1992Dec29.212535.19440@ms.uky.edu>, justin@hp750.ccs.uky.edu (Justin Sullivan) writes:
|>  [stuff deleted]
|> 
|>   Whatever floats your boat.. Pleasant memories are pleasant for different
|> reasons to different people. As a child, I used to spend each day in
|> anticipation of another episode of Battle of the Planets. Oh yes..
|> That was *THE* highlight of my day. Trivia is cute. No problems there.
|> Pain? It's supposed to teach you things..
|> 
   "Some cereal.  It's supposed to be good for you."

   Hrm.   I've heard a lot of people say cheesy things about pain....
There's the standard "You can't grow without pain."  Of course,
this is usually believed by people who measure growth or maturity by
the ability to handle pain.  Nice circular definition there.  This leads
to the faulty conclusion that all pain can lead to growth.  
   Then there's this: "If something doesn't break you, it will only make you
stronger,"  utterly failing to define 'break' and 'stronger'.  And the
only workable definitions make the whole statement boil down to "if something
doesn't kill you, then you're still alive."  Pathetic.  
   And the "No pain, no gain" philosophy fails to distinguish between good
pain and bad pain.  Anyone who has done any consistent exercising knows
the difference between the pain that means you're body's saying "I'm tired,
but I'm doing ok" and the pain that means "You have just torn five ligaments.
You will never walk again."

    In all of these, no one seems to admit that there does exist pain
from which nothing good comes.  If anyone has any proof to the contrary,
I'd like to see it.

Rod

Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: justin@hp750.ccs.uky.edu (Justin Sullivan)
Subject: Re: Christmas Survivors?
    <1992Dec29.212535.19440@ms.uky.edu> 
    <1992Dec30.043208.7051@fcom.cc.utah.edu> <C02orC.L81@news.udel.edu> 
    <1992Dec31.022554.26121@fcom.cc.utah.edu>
Organization: University Of Kentucky, Dept. of Math Sciences
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 04:42:03 GMT

freier@mail.physics.utah.edu (rodney james freier) writes:

> The fact that the best rose gardens need large amounts of fertilizer
>should lead us to believe that the best people can be obtained by giving them
>large amounts of food and care.   BUT NO!  Society has to try to twist this
>obvious truth!  This seems to be their reasoning:  If some non-human organism
>benefits from that which we would find torturous, then obviously the torturous
>is good for us.  (!!????!?!)  

Speaking of society and obvious truths.. Be it known to all mankind.. <ahem>
:) 'Society' is a 'they', not an 'it.' Ironically enough, that 'they' is we.
Before I become an A-1 Hypocrite, 'society' is the collective majority
of humanity, so when you talk about society, you're just talking about
the majority, right? Society is just a lot of people. No need to divide
ourselves into little groups.. So when you say 'society' has a reasoning,
you really mean 'most everyone' has their own little opinion.

Carrying it a bit further, when we say 'society has rules by which everyone
must live,' we really mean: 'lots of people have an opinion that they like
to force on everyone else.' Society doesn't make any demands on you, but I
bet your parents do! (for instance)

We all know this, right? Try to be a little more realistic.. I would have
kept quiet (I usually do), except this 'us against them' biz doesn't work.
I used to live my life by 'it's me or them,' and it worked quite well (for me).
But I knew no good would ever come of it.. When I'm dead, 'society' <hehehe>
would still be there, still failing to fertilize the human flower.

Hopefully, all of us have learned by now (surely..) that this is the case,
and that the only thing we're accomplishing now is feeling sorry for 
ourselves. I'm writing a very beautiful novel about my dreamworld, but
I'd hate to think I'm the ONLY ONE who wants to wake up in it someday. :)
Anyone care to share some PLEASANT thoughts? 

Don't get me wrong.. If you want to punch your one-way ticket, feel free,
BUT.. I can't help but say that I think the end of a miserable life pales
in comparison to the end of a happy life.

Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: lewis@aera8700.mitre.org (Keith Lewis)
Subject: Re: Apartment question
Organization: The MITRE Corporation
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 21:46:29 GMT

In article <1992Dec18.164118.10116@hemlock.cray.com>, davew@willow03.cray.com (Dave Wagner) writes:
                                   ^^^^^^^  How appropriate.  :^)
>If you break a lease by committing suicide, would the apartment manager
>likely get the rest of the lease's rent from your estate?

Yes, I think so. 

If you're going to commit suicide, why not give away everything you own
first?  Let the bastards try to collect from a bankrupt estate.

Keith Lewis             klewis@mitre.org          "Mr. Cheap"
I don't dance to music; music dances to me.  Email me for my PGP key.
The above may not (yet) represent the opinions of my employer.
Xref: sparky alt.suicide.holiday:3180 rec.arts.poems:13242 alt.personals:25008
From: alto@pegasus.com (Andrea Ostensoe)
Newsgroups: wpi.students.vox,alt.suicide.holiday,rec.arts.poems,alt.personals
Subject: Re: No more dead kitties! :( (Re: Kittens - C&C Welcome)
Date: 28 Dec 92 19:44:29 GMT
Organization: Pegasus,  Honolulu

In article <1992Dec19.191142.26931@mtu.edu> bacon@mtu.edu (Jeff Bacon) writes:
>In article <1992Dec19.090430.26446@pegasus.com> alto@pegasus.com (Andrea Ostensoe) writes:
>>>>>
>>>>> [ evil picture deleted ]
>>>>>
>>>>>Keith Lewis             klewis@mitre.org          "Mr. Cheap"
>>>>Stop..you're making me laugh and I might choke on my coffee..hmm
>>>>suicide by laughing?..anyway..I love cats but I also am so very
>>>>*evil*;->
>>>*WAAAAAH*
>>>poor widdle kitty cat...
>>yeah..I know....so wicked I am..
>
>yes you are :(
>shame on you :(
>
>-bacon
>save the cute widdle kitty cats!

Ah..see how unfair life is? *I* didn't post the pic of the poor little
cat..now I'm getting the blame..sigh..but I did laugh..but then I laugh
when I'm hurting..don't you?  Keeps the idiots fooled ya know;-)

goodie..*shame* on me;->


-- 
**************************************************************************
"I don't ask for much..just your heart on a silver platter;-)"
						-Kali
**************************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu (Angela Marie Watson)
Subject: *thunk*thunk*thunk*
Organization: University of Delaware
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1993 11:58:46 GMT

	*thunk*thunk*thunk*  *ACK*

	The system is 'full' here, so I can only get out a short message
	occasionally... *ACK*  Plus I can't get into my other account...
	I don't even know how much unread mail is there... *ACK*

	...and constant nosebleeds are _so_ fun...

	*thunk*thunk*thunk*

		Psycho Kitten
		(hi ho, hi ho, its off to work I go...)
From: zola@hardy.u.washington.edu (riene des tournesols)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday,rec.arts.poems,alt.personals
Subject: Re: No more dead kitties! :( (Re: Kittens - C&C Welcome)
Date: 31 Dec 1992 18:12:30 GMT
Organization: University of Washington, Seattle
NNTP-Posting-Host: hardy.u.washington.edu

please stop cross posting this to rec.arts.poems