From: daweuste@rodan.acs.syr.edu (david a. weuste)
Subject: Re: WHO'S ON FIRST TRANSCRIPT OR POSITIONS WANTED
Organization: Syracuse University, Syracuse, NY
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 92 10:44:29 EDT

In article <34926@nntpd.lkg.dec.com> kuras@aidev.enet.dec.com (Joe Kuras) writes:
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now wait a minute. Theres 2 versions of this that have been posted now. Did
Abbot and Costello perform it differently every time, or did they do one
of these two usually?
 >
>
>                              WHO'S ON FIRST?
>
>                              from the films of
>                              Abbott & Costello
>
>
>A: Strange as it may seem,they give ball players nowadays very
>   peculiar names.
>C: Funny names?
>A: Nicknames. Nicknames. Now on the St.Louis team we have Who's on first,
>   What's on second, I Don't Know is on third -           
>C: That's what I want to find out.
>   I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.
>A: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, 
>   I Don't Know is on third -      
>C: You know the fellows' names?
>A: Yes.
>C: Well, then, who's playin' first?
>A: Yes.
>C: I mean the fellow's name on first base.
>A: Who.
>C: The fellow playin' first base.
>A: Who.
>C: The guy on first base.
>A: Who is on first.
>C: Well,what are you askin' me for?
>A: I'm not asking you-I'm telling you. Who is on first.
>C: I'm asking you-who's on first?
>A: That's the man's name!
>C: That's who's name?
>A: Yes.
>C: Well, go ahead and tell me!
>A: Who.
>C: The guy on first.
>A: Who.
>C: The first baseman.
>A: Who is on first.
>C: Have you got a first baseman on first?
>A: Certainly.
>C: Then who's playing first?
>A: Absolutely.
>C: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
>A: Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's entitled to it.
>C: Who is?
>A: Yes.
>C: So who gets it?
>A: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
>C: Who's wife?
>A: Yes. After all, the man earns it.
>C: Who does?
>A: Absolutely.
>C: Well all i'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base?
>A: Oh,no,no,What is on Second Base.
>C: I'm not asking you who's on second.
>A: Who's on first.
>C: That's what I'm trying to find out.
>A: Well, don't change the players around.
>C: I'm not changing nobody.
>A: Now, take it easy.
>C: What's the guy's name on first base?
>A: What's the guy's name on second base.
>C: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
>A: Who's on first.
>C: I don't know.
>A: He's on third. We're not talking about him.
>C: How could I get on third base?
>A: You mentioned his name.
>C: If i mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
>A: No, Who's playing first.
>C: Stay offa first will ya?
>A: Well what do you want me to do?
>C: Now what's the guy's name on first?
>A: What's on second.
>C: I'm not asking ya who's on second?
>A: Who's on first.
>C: I don't know.
>A: He's on third.
>C: There I go back on third again.
>A: Well, I can't change their names.
>C: Say,will you please stay on third base?
>A: Please. Now what is it you want to know?
>C: What is the fellow's name on third?
>A: What is the fellow's name on second.
>C: I'm not askin' ya who's on second?
>A: Who's on first.
>C: I don't know.
>A & C: Third Base!
>C: You got an outfield?
>A: Oh, sure.
>C: St.Louis has got a good outfield?
>A: Oh, absolutely.
>C: The left fielder's name?
>A: Why.
>C: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask.
>A: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
>C: Then tell me who's playing left field?
>A: Who's playing first.
>C: Stay out of the infield.
>A: Don't mention any names out here.
>C: I want to know what's the fellow's name in left field?
>A: What's on second.
>C: I'm not asking you who's on second.
>A: Who's on first.
>C: I don't know.
>A & C: Third Base!
>A: Now take it easy, take it easy man.
>C: And the left fielder's name?
>A: Why.
>C: Because.
>A: Oh, he's Center Field.
>C: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on the team?
>A: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.
>C: I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name.
>A: Tomorrow.
>C: You don't want to tell me today?
>A: I'm telling you man.
>C: Then go ahead.
>A: Tomorrow.
>C: What time?
>A: What time what?
>C: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
>A: Now listen, Who is not pitching. Who is on -
>C: I'll break your arm if you say who's on first.
>A: Then why come up here and ask?
>C: I want to know what's the pitcher's name?
>A: What's on second.
>C: I don't know.
>A & C: Third Base.
>C: You gotta Catcher?
>A: Yes.
>C: The Catcher's name?
>A: Today.
>C: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
>A: Now you've got it.
>C: That's all. St.Louis got a couple of days on their team. That's all.
>A: Well I can't help that. Alright. What do you want me to do?
>C: Gotta catcher?
>A: Yes.
>C: I'm a good catcher too you know.
>A: I know that.
>C: I would like to play for St.Louis.
>A: Well I might arrange that.
>C: I would like to catch. Now I'm being a good Catcher, Tomorrow's pitching
>   on the team, and I'm catching.
>A: Yes.
>C: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball.
>A: Yes.
>C: Now when he bunts the ball - me being a good catcher - I want to throw
>   the guy out at first base,so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
>A: Now, that's the first thing you've said right.
>C: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.	
>A: Well,that's all you have to do.
>C: Is to throw it to first base?
>A: Yes.
>C: Now who's got it?
>A: Naturally.
>C: Who has it?
>A: Naturally.
>C: Naturally.
>A: Naturally.
>C: O.K.
>A: Now you've got it.
>C: I pick up the ball and throw it to Naturally.
>A: No you don't, you throw the ball to first base.
>C: Then who gets it?
>A: Naturally.
>C: O.K.
>A: Alright.
>C: I throw the ball to Naturally.
>A: You don't. You throw it to Who.
>C: Naturally.
>A: Well, Naturally. Say it that way.
>C: That's what I said. 
>A: You did not.
>C: I said I'd throw the ball to Naturally.
>A: You don't. You throw it to Who.
>C: Naturally.
>A: Yes.
>C: So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it.
>A: No. You throw the ball to first base -
>C: Then who gets it?
>A: Naturally.
>C: That's what I'm saying.
>A: You're not saying that.
>C: I throw the ball to Naturally.
>A: You throw it to Who.
>C: Naturally.
>A: Naturally. Well say it that way.
>C: That's what I'm saying.
>A: Now don't get excited. Now don't get excited.
>C: I throw the ball to first base.
>A: Then Who gets it.
>C: He better get it.
>A: That's it. Alright now don't get excited. Take it easy.
>C: Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs the ball, so
>   the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to what.
>   What throws it to I don't know. I don't know throws it to tomorrow -
>   a triple play.
>A: Yeah. It could be.
>C: Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to center.
>C: Why? I don't know. And I don't care.
>A: What was that?
>C: I said, I DON'T CARE.
>A: Oh, that's our shortstop!
>
>
>


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