From: mprisco@lynx.cat.syr.edu ()
Subject: Re: Let me introduce myself
Organization: Syracuse University
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 93 09:28:38 EST

In article <1993Jan21.154812.11950@chpc.utexas.edu> jbyrd@chpc.utexas.edu (Jan Byrd) writes:
>In article <1jktrqINNe3o@access.usask.ca>, idg39@jester.usask.ca (Inez Gowsell) writes:
>|> [snip'd]
>|> Oh by the way, I don't recommend my diet strategy too anyone.  It's too
>|> depressing.  But, if you are really interested, here it is:
>|> 
>|> Meet some person that you think might make a great SO.
>|> 
>|> Fall in love.
>|> 
>|> Have that person decide that s/he doesn't really want to spend ANY time
>|> with you.
>|> 
>|> The resulting depression will cause you to lose your appetite.  Voila!!
>|> You have started your diet!  :-)
>
>I think this is really true; but then what happens is, once you're enjoying
>your new thin body, you meet someone else, fall in love again, get comfor-
>table, and gain all of it back.  Does this mean that when we're feeling re-
>jected, we're motivated to diet (heck, it's easy then; a SERIOUS depression
>is a great appetite suppressant) and exercise like maniacs, but when we 
>start feeling O.K. about ourselves (i.e., attractive, healthy, desirable, 
>ACCEPTED) again, a thin body doesn't seem so important.  And if having a 
>thin body isn't a primary concern anymore, many of us (most of us?) will 
>be gaining weight.
>
>Hmmm.  I think we might be on to something here.  If you're lonely and thin,
>how can you stay THIN when you're no longer LONELY?  Two postings today men-
>tioned being dumped by their boyfriends as their motivation to improve their
>appearance (I have a friend going through a divorce who is finally losing
>that weight she's been hauling around for years, and that was my story too
>when I got divorced many years ago).  I'm certainly not saying that the 
>excess weight caused these relationships to crater, only that AFTER a rela-
>tionships ends, this NEED to feel good about ourselves asserts itself (or
>at least the NEED begins to take "shape" :-).  Wasn't that NEED there before?  
>How PERVERSE this is.  In the depths of misery, we find eating to be much 
>less important, and exercise to be essential to our physical and emotional 
>well-being and self-image.  Once we climb out of the pit, and "get a life"
>back (and I'm speaking specifically of a new marriage or important STABLE
>relationship here, not just adjusting to the single life), and start feeling 
>*GOOD* again, food becomes a passion again, the Nordik Track stands idle,
>the membership in the health club lapses, etc.
>
>Does this seem to fit the pattern out there?  For as long as you haven't
>replaced that "missing person" in your life, you can keep up the diet and
>exercise (it's filling a void?).  Mr. or Ms. Right shows up, and all the 
>old bad habits come roaring back.

Well, this is already long, but I didn't want to chop it...  I've been
on both sides, experienced the loss of an SO and the depression and
lack of appetite and then the reconsiliation and the return to bad 
habits....  But the weight loss was not driven by what should be
driving it: the desire to take good care of yourself.  Instead
its motivated by depression, actually its just a by-product of
depression.  I think the periods of weight gain are stress induced,
even if its good stress (I've found Mr Right).  Although being
in a relationship also produces alot of stress-stress (Is this
really Mr Right?  What if he finds out what I'm really like?...)
so that can contribute to the weight gain.   

I guess what I think (but I'll admit this is not a fully thought-out
thought) is that when people gain weight it often signals that
something is wrong or there's some stress there or maybe their
self esteem isn't so hot.  All I do know is that liking yourself
and deciding that you're worth taking care of is one of the best
motivators for weight loss and fitness.  So maybe (just maybe)
if you're gaining weight, something isn't quite right...

Margot

>
>Jan


--
--
"I think we're passing through here kind of fast,
  Did you think these tracks in the dust would last? "
                                         - David Crosby