From: falcao@felix.Metaphor.COM (Ronnie Falcao)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Re: Challenging assumptions about child custody
Date: 8 Sep 1992 04:09:47 GMT
Organization: Metaphor Computer Systems, Mountain View, CA
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: remarque.berkeley.edu
Originator: muffy@remarque.berkeley.edu

Dave Gross (dgross@polyslo.csc.calpoly.edu) writes:
> Now my dander is up again.  The latest old chestnut working its way through
> soc.feminism is this one:
> 
> 	Child custody isn't a big issue for men and shouldn't
> 	be an excuse for a men's movement because after all,
> 	when men actually contest custody, they win very often.

I'd really prefer to see the argument about child custody discussed
with respect to the child's best interests rather than as a battle
over trophies from the marriage or as a way to retain power over an
ex-spouse.

I don't think a men's movement needs an excuse beyond the draft.
But if you feel that there is bias in the assignment of child
custody based on gender, rather than disparate results based on
other factors, I don't see why that wouldn't be an appropriate
issue for a men's movement.


> The underlying assumption of this whole argument is that there is a default
> custody arrangement.  When critics say "If men just fight for custody, they'd
> win" they're ignoring the fact that women DON'T have to fight for custody.
> They already have it by default.  The man has to take affirmative steps to
> win custody, the woman only has to engineer things so that these affirmative
> steps by the man aren't taken -- and the legal system, with it's great cost
> and frustration, often does this for her.

You then cite statistics that show an apparent bias in courts'
honoring a woman's custody request over a man's.  (Except in the case
where the father requested sole custody and the mother requested joint
custody - then the mother was never awarded sole custody.)

Just as citing the gross discrepancy between wages for men and women
is not proof of discrimination, citing these statistics does not make
your case.  You need to show that courts are not assigning custody in
a way that is appropriate to child care experience and past
demonstrations of willingness and current demonstrations of ability to
care for the children.

Is it possible that the discrepancy in assignment of child custody
mirrors the discrepancy in child care during the marriage, but with a
bias towards the father?

Here are the statistics again:

> When the mother requested sole custody and the father requested joint custody:
> 	Mother received sole custody:		68.6%
> 	Joint custody awarded:			25.8%
> 	Father got sole custody:		 2.4%
> 	Split custody:			 	 3.2%
> 
> When the father requested sole custody and the mother requested joint custody:
> 	Father received sole custody:		42.9%
> 	Joint custody awarded:			42.9%
> 	Split custody:				14.2%
> 
> When both mother and father requested sole custody:
> 	Mother received sole custody:		46.2%
> 	Father received sole custody:		 9.6%
> 	Joint custody awarded:			36.5%
> 	Split custody:				 7.7%
> 
> (Split custody is when the children are split up with some being in custody
>  of the mother and others in custody of the father)
>
> . . .
>
> If women want to retain the maternal advantage in divorce court, it is going
> to be expected that they will be seen as less capable and more burdened in the
> workforce, that they will be more valued for their reproductive capabilities
> and less for their other abilities, and that the men who are paying child
> support but not participating in child care will have the time and the
> incentive to work the overtime it takes to get promotions and break through
> the "glass ceiling."

There are women who manage to care for a family while working quite
capably.  I'm not sure how being divorced and having one less (sorry -
fewer sounds so awful here) person in the home to care for is going to
make it harder for them to do this.  The husbands of these women will
be spending extra time in household duties and so will have less time
to break glass ceilings.

In the one divorce case I've seen up close and personal, the mother
and father agreed to joint custody - 4 days per week with the mother
and 3 days per week with the father.  The mother was amazed to find
that she had all this free time on her hands while the child was in
the father's custody.  The father asked to reduce his custody by one
day a week because the demand was proving too much.  If you're
familiar with statistics on relative amounts of leisure time for
women and men, this development shouldn't surprise you.


> The whole system of sex roles is symbiotic.  You can't just throw away the
> ones you don't like and keep the ones you're fond of.  The whole system has
> to go.  Maternal preference in child custody is the linchpin for a whole
> family of sex-roles having to do with mother-as-caretaker/homemaker and
> father-as-breadwinner/public-sector-actor.

I think gender roles are complementary, but I wouldn't call them
symbiotic since I do not believe they benefit both parties.

I would call disproportionate childcare responsibilities the linchpin
in disproportionate assignment of child custody.  And I am certainly
doing what I can in my life to encourage men to care equally for their
children - if this investment in their relationship with their family
also increases their chances of a continuing relationship with a child
after a divorce, so much the better.  If it also frees women to act
more in the public sphere while continuing to enjoy a rich family
life, that's nice, too; if they get divorced, at least they'll be
comforted in the knowledge that the child is being cared for by an
experienced child care provider while in the father's custody.

	- Ronnie

falcao@metaphor.com


> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- dgross@polyslo.CalPoly.EDU -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> "I am utterly convinced that when a little child is taken from its loving
>  mother, even for visitation, it may lose its natural protector and its
>  security."			-- Dr. Elizabeth Morgan (remember her?)

Of course I remember her.  Do you have any information to add beyond
her claims that she hid her daughter to protect her from the sexual
abuse that she believed would result from honoring the custody order
to hand the child over to her father?


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