From: schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov (gary l. schroeder)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Date: 15 Nov 92 15:35:51 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Brookhaven National Laboratory, Upton, NY 11973

In article <009639BA.741609A0@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:

>I agree with everything John said, with one caveat:  I don't think it's a good
>idea to be alone too long.  I know a awful lot of men and women who've done
>such a fabulous job of adjusting to singlehood that they no longer date, simply
>because it's too much trouble and they can't be bothered.  Literally.  I found
>myself falling into the same trap;  so, I resolved to make more of an
>effort to get out of the d*mn house!

I like to make the effort too, but I start to wonder: what's the point
of going out to the bars with friends all of the time ? (Not even good
friends, mind you, but it's that "effort".)  You know you should go if
they ask, otherwise you might not get asked anymore.  Too many refusals
is usually a sign to people.  Theremust be some other way of getting
"out of the house" other than going to bars where you just drink until
you say "well, I've fulfilled my obligation to be socially active this
Saturday night".  At least that way, you've killed the little voice in
your head that says "hey, this is sad sitting alone watching the tube or
listening to Shostakovich on a Saturday night".  Instead, you get the
voice that says "you only went out for the sake of going out, and
nothing happened anyway.  Everyone knows that you don't meet people in
bars, stupid."  Which voice is worse?   I'm not sure.  The big problem
is this: living in an area where there really is _nothing_else_ to do.
If you're not drinking on the weekends, you're catching a movie.  That
gets old after a while.  Does this mean I'm falling into the "trap"?  I
know the trap that you're talking about, and it scares me to death.

I never wanted to live on Long Island.  I was forced to.  I needed the
job.  This whole issue of being single gets even more complicated when
you're a transplant from another geographic area.  And, it's even worse
than that if the new area you get moved to has a different culture than
the one you were raised in.  One in which, if you don't drive a 4 wheel
drive vehicle, are an unemployed weight-lifter named "Vinny" and have a
speech impediment, means that you spend Saturday night watching tube or
listening to Shostakovich.

>Everyone's situation is different (I'm SO-less by choice!), but it might be
>worth a minute or two of thought for those moaning that you haven't had a date
>in years...maybe it's time to stop looking for Mr/Ms Right, and go to a movie
>with Mr/Ms It's Saturday.

Y'kmow, it's funny you should mention this attitude Cheryl, because I
recently came to the same conclusion myself.  But then I wonder why I
would spend time with someone I couldn't talk to.  If I _could_ talk to
them, then they might be candidates for Ms Right, right?  No, I'm not
going to catch a flick with Ms Saturday Night just to go.  There has to
be another reason.  Otherwise, I sit there thinking "well, now that
we've talked about what our favorite drinks are and where we work, we've
exhausted the topics of conversation, because if I say anything more
meaningful, the eyes will glaze over". 

No flames please.  Thank you for your consideration.
 

-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gary L. Schroeder  		|  
schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov         |        It's a pomaceous life. 
Brookhaven National Laboratory  | 
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