From: an3096@anon.penet.fi (lazlo)
Subject: >>
X-Anonymously-To: alt.polyamory
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 15:36:51 GMT

>lazlo sez
>>Muffy sez

>In article <1992Dec18.025935.29601@penet.fi> an3096@anon.penet.fi (lazlo) writes:
> My dilemma is that even though I occasionally see two other women,  I
> am in a monogamous relationship with my SO.  With one exception, I
> have been in a sexually monogamous r'ship with her for the past 9
> months.  I have discussed the idea of polyamory with her and she has
> told me that while she doesn't mind if I see other women, she isn't
> interested in meeting other men.

>>What exactly do you mean by "seeing" other women?  Do you mean that you
>>"see" women who are friends, or you are "dating" women, or what?

By "seeing" I mean dating.  I have become very interested in one of
these women. That means I would like to be more than friends with her.
I have only recently met the other, so I'm not sure how it will work.

> When I pressed further, she said she might become jealous if I had sex
> with another woman.

>>Did she say that she therefore did not want you to do that?

No, she did not say she didn't want me to have sex with other women.
But she did say that she can be very jealous and I don't want to hurt
her.  I suppose that my problem is that I am too worried about losing
her.  

> The point to which I am converging is that as I become closer to my
> SO, I find that I am becoming more and more monogamous.  The idea of
> monogamy is not itself a bad thing, but I would like to have the
> freedom to explore other people. 

>>What does "explore" mean to you?

I would like to be able to be close to other women.  If this goes as
far as having sex, then I would like to know that I won't be hurting
my SO if I do so.

>>There are (at least) sexual monogamy (no sex with anyone else) and
>>emotional monogamy (no "too close" (however that is defined)
>>relationships with anyone else).

>>Now, it sounds like your SO is okay about the emotional involvement with
>>others, just (perhaps) not sexual.  Is the problem that you also want to
>>have sex with people other than your SO?

Bingo.  My SO has not said she wants me to maintain an emotional
distance from all others.  She hasn't even told me she doesn't want me
to be sexually monogamous.  She just told me she doesn't know how she
would handle it if I had sex with another woman.  Because of this, I
have kept myself sexually monogamous while I try to decide if
satisfying my lust and love for another woman is worth possibly losing
my SO.

>>Muffy

>>--

>>Muffy Barkocy                      | ~Can you tell me how much bleeding/it
>>muffy@mica.berkeley.edu            |  takes to fill a word with meaning and/
>>"amorous inclinations"? Aha! I'm   |  how much how much death it takes/to give
>>not "not straight," I'm *inclined*.|  a slogan breath?~ - Bruce Cockburn


Thanks Muffy.

laz
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