HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: alti@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Thorsten Altenkirch)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How long does it take *you* to make love ... ?
Date: 17 Aug 92 15:50:19 GMT
Organization: LFCS, Edinburgh
In-reply-to: c91imc@prg.ox.ac.uk's message of 14 Aug 92 16:24:01 GMT

In article <4287@inca.comlab.ox.ac.uk> c91imc@prg.ox.ac.uk (Ian Crawshaw) writes:

   In article <41476@skye.dcs.ed.ac.uk> alti@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Thorsten Altenkirch) writes:
   > ... Actually I forgot the scene
   >where you sit in a cafe with Barbara and discuss the question of
   >contraception. Several samples are lying on the table... Maybe we
   >should make a film out of this ? ;-)

   But *WHO* is Barbara???

   Ian.

I knew there was a problem...

BARBARAAAAA... Please call me or Ian. Soon !

T.
--
************************************************************
Thorsten Altenkirch		alti@dcs.ed.ac.uk
LFCS, Edinburgh
Scotland
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: WHAT IS LJBF???????!!!!!!
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date: 14 Aug 1992 08:34 EST  

In article <1992Aug13.144847.18277@kth.se>, kjell@elixir.e.kth.se (Kjell Rilbe) writes...

>IMHO - In My Honest Opinion

In my HUMBLE opinion

>RP - Relationship Partner

Romantic Partner

>SO - Significant Other
> 
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
From: dennisp@kpc.com (Dennis Preston)
Subject: Re: Wedding ceremony music suggestions?
Keywords: WHAT!!!! 
Organization: Kubota Pacific Computer Inc, Santa Clara, CA
Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1992 20:39:24 GMT

In article <1992Aug15.174623.19913@usenet.ins.cwru.edu> ac220@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Rich Szabo) writes:
>Anyone have some suggestions for good wedding ceremony music?
>I would like to solicit your ideas.  The ceremony is a Catholic
>mass and I am slated to appear as the groom.  Please post
>suggestions here or e-mail to ac220@cleveland.freenet.edu.
>Thanks!
>Rich Szabo
> 
>--May I suggest the Funeral Dirge? or possibly the theme from Jaws?
***************(VERY EVIL GRIN)************ 


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: jeff@tct.com (Jeff Witzer)
Subject: Re: AIDS: What the Government Isn't Telling You
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 19:52:01 GMT
Organization: TC Telemanagement, Clearwater, FL

In article <BsusJC.1CA@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu> hoff@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Wildfire) writes:
>ccolling@nyx.cs.du.edu (Lady Firebird) writes:

[interesting but doubtful theory of room temp or below killing virus...]

>Using a glass that someone who may be infected has used will not give you the 
>virus, especially if it's washed or has been sitting around for a while.

This seems to have been confirmed by several reputable labs...

>This is also the reason why you can't get it from hugging people, the toilet
>seat, etc.

It is highly unlikely (practically impossible - no documented cases) to
contract HIV without transmission of bodily fluids.  Even kissing an HIV
invected person (saliva has been found to contain the virus) has never been
credited with infecting anyone.

>There is a lot of paranoia out there, but the only people who need be 
>concerned are those who are promiscuous and/or have unprotected sex,
>drug users, and those who need blood transfusions.  

Statements like this are contributing to the notion that many people, who do
not engage in high risk activities, have.  Saying "It can't happen to me 
because...  I'm not gay/I only have save sex (Monoxodil 9 & condom always)/
I don't have anal sex/I don't do drugs/I'm not promiscuous" lulls you into
complacency...a dangerous situation to be in.  If you don't think you could
have it, you don't get tested.  Please get tested...EVERYONE.  It's easy and
cheap...and you'll know for sure.  Everyone needs to be concerned (maybe
aware is a better term), EVERYONE...monogomous heterosexuals, virgins, 
everyone.  This is NOT a gay disease.  This is NOT a punishment for the 
promiscuous.  This is a primarily heterosexual disease, worldwide.

>And yes, anybody can get
>it from sex if they're not careful.  Latest statistics show that women are
>the ones getting it the most these days.
>But the number of people with cancer are much higher than those with AIDS, 
>and they get MUCH less money on research.

As unfair as that is, and without attempting to detract from the importance
of funding cancer research, cancer is not contagious (as far as I know,
corrections are welcome) but AIDS is.  A fire that has the potential to 
spread to many houses quickly will be given priority over one that is 
contained to one house...protecting the larger interest.  That is of no 
comfort to the owner of that one house, of course.  Medical research needs
more money overall, and, without starting a political discussion, it is in
all of our best interests to help in whatever way we can.

>
>				-Wildfire-
>
>
> ||    Wildfire  ||  hoff@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu  ||  lmh44500@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu  ||
> || "Computers are just the opposite of people.  In computers the software ||
> ||  goes into the hardware.  In people the hardware..." Torchsong Trilogy ||
> || disclaimer:  "...my love, you, if anyone, should know that my rules    ||
> ||         only apply to other people, not myself"  -Friday               ||

My best wishes to you, Wildfire.  Please be careful.

jeff
From: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: just another musing on LJBF....
Date: 19 Aug 92 20:21:20 GMT
Reply-To: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Organization: St. Elizabeth Hospital, Youngstown, OH



Found this quote in  _A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love_ :


    "No woman ever hates a man for being in love
     with her; but many a woman hates a man for
     being her friend."

                           -- Alexander Pope


from the discussions i read here, i suspect there is
some truth in this.. =)

but let's be fair:  i think it works as well for men
as it does women... =)



-- 
"To you, Baldrick, the renaissance was just something that
 happened to other people, wasn't it?"
                       
                            -- Black Adder --
From: thomas@mvac23.UUCP (Thomas Lapp)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Woman dating separated man -- advice desired
Date: 22 Aug 92 00:40:36 GMT
Organization: MultiVac23, Newark, DE, U.S.A.

Well, I've doled out enough advice for other people on alt.romance,
so let me take my turn at allowing the group to comment on this
situation, which unfortunately, I cannot seem to detach myself
from and look at objectively.  I hope you all can help.

A lady, who I know, recently came off of a two-year close friendship
with a fellow.  It was one of those in which she was much more fond
of him than he of her.  He just wanted to be friends, she wanted more.
Out of the blue, she got a call from a high-school fellow she used
to date many years ago.  And they have struck up an LDR, as they
live several thousand miles apart.  In his case, he is just
separated from his wife (she wanted out, he was still interested
in the marriage), and is not yet divorced.  Also, the first call to
my friend happened about 3 weeks after his wife moved out.

Here's my question:  as I see the relationship, my friend is just
getting set up for pain, since both of them are rebounding
off of other relationships.  The other thing that bothers me is
that my friend is developing a pretty serious relationship with
this guy and he isn't even divorced yet.

Am I wrong in counselling my friend to not see this guy until
the divorce is final?  They are planning to get together in
person pretty soon, and I wonder how it will work out.  Personally,
I don't think they should get together in person until both
have had time to get over their other relationships -- which
obviously will take more time for his case since he was in
a marriage situation for some years.
                         - tom
--
internet     : mvac23!thomas@udel.edu  or  thomas%mvac23@udel.edu (home)
             : lapp@cdhub1.dnet.dupont.com (work)
OSI          : C=US/A=MCI/S=LAPP/D=ID=4398613
uucp         : {ucbvax,mcvax,uunet}!udel!mvac23!thomas
Location     : Newark, DE, USA
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ercolessi@uimrl7.mrl.uiuc.edu (furio ercolessi)
Subject: Re: Is there a *good* way to say LJBF?
Reply-To: ercolessi@uimrl7.mrl.uiuc.edu (furio ercolessi)
Organization: MRL - UIUC
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 06:23:23 GMT

My first post in this wonderful group :-). 

In article <1992Aug13.183928.23269@mlb.semi.harris.com>, therrien@harris.mlb.semi.harris.com (Patty
Therrien) writes:
|>I've been following the LJBF thread for a while now, although I have not
|>read every post in its entirety.  But something seems to be missing, and
|>it has to do with a problem I have encountered personally.
|>
|>Is there a *good* way to say to someone, "Let's just be friends"?
|>
|>I have a friend who has indicated a romantic interest in me.  What is 
|>the best way to tell him that I value his friendship, but do not return
|>his feelings?  He is very shy, and doesn't have a lot of self-confidence,
|>so I don't want to do or say anything to wipe out the progress he has
|>been making recently.
|>
|>Suggestions?  Thanks.

I have been LJBFed recently and I belong to the Nice Guy(tm) category :).
My LJBFer has been real nice and I believe we'll go thru it
in the long run and be real friends.  Yes it is not easy for the LJBFee!
But I strongly believe now that staying friends is possible.

That's what she did and I feel was, er, uh, good:

Ask him out and talk about that extensively for hours, or days.  
Analyze the whys and whynots down to deep levels.  Why he is in 
love you.  Why you are not.   This is perhaps the ultimate friendship 
test.  But if you are really friends you can discuss all this.  
Be yourself and totally honest, as he will be. He will experience pain, 
but will also enjoy your being close to his feelings and emotions.
The two of you can also have some sort of fun after all, there will
be a lot of reciprocal psychological insight.  You will both learn and
grow. He can cry but deeply enjoy discussing all this with you.
After this, you will be more bound as friends than before.
At a certain point a switch will commute in his brain [*] and you must 
actively help him to do that.  When this is done you will be
Real Good Friends forever!

Please DO NOT try to quietly disappear into silence,
believing that this is the best thing to do for him, so that he
can more easily 'forget you'.  It is not and he will never forget
you anyway!  Actually, silence would be frightening and devastating 
for him, because he would see an artificial change in your behavior, 
and would have the impression that you want the friendship to be 
over and are bothered by him (which is clearly what you don't 
want to happen).

good luck
hugs
furio
furio@uiuc.edu


[*] this is a simplistic view.  actually the whole neuronic 
   interconnections undergo extensive reorganization,
   resulting in erratic behavior and mental malfunctions
   for a relatively large period of time.
   also known as a 'redefinition of the maps of the world'
   in the LJBFee's brain.
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Looking for help
Date: 19 Aug 92 13:53:09 GMT
Reply-To: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Organization: BNR Europe Limited, London Road, Harlow, Essex, GB

In the referenced article frank@rniwi.rni.sub.org (Frank Mogaddedi) writes:
>Perhaps you could help me with a bit of advice. This is _not_ a post
>about romance, but about the lack thereof.

Fine! This is de rigeur in a.r! :-)


[Deleted: Sad story about marriage separation 1.5 years ago]
>
>So tell me, what would be good ways to start? [a new relationship]

1. Maximise your social interactions with MOTAS -- there are many ways to
   do this, but joining group(s) of one sort or another is good. Any groups
   will do, as long as there is a reasonable ratio of MOTAS. Pick something
   you are obviously interested in, of course!

2. Don't look (or worse, *sound*) desparate when you meet new MOTAS.

3. For a more direct approach, try a dating mechanism, such as an agency
   -- at least both parties will accept mutual desparation in this case!

4. Smile at every woman you meet -- you just never know...


>Or is the rumor right, that you'll never find anybody while you're
>looking? If that's the truth, I'm looking forward to a _really_ lonely
>future :-(

The rumour is apparently true, from my own experience (I've just about
stopped looking now, so am expecting the floodgates to open any minute! ;-))
The trick is to do the above anyway, and not think of it as "looking".


>BTW, please don't "You-just-have-to-wait-and-everything-will-be-allright"
>me.

The trouble is, it's true! (Which is why people keep saying it -- the same
irritating people that say other such "helpful" things as "these things
happen" and suchlike! -- but as long as you are doing the above, too.)


PS. I know all the above is correct because (a) I read it before on a.r
and (b) I don't seem to be able to do any of it either! :-(

>Take care
>	Frank

Ditto,

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
From: alti@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Thorsten Altenkirch)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How long does it take *you* to make love ... ?
Date: 13 Aug 92 20:10:47 GMT

Ian Crawshaw writes:
   I think it takes *at least* that long to build up the trust necessary to have
   that sort of relationship. For me that trust is *ESSENTIAL*. I supppose I am
   afraid of the "practical" matters, STDs, contraception etc. Before sex I would
   talk *a lot* to my partner about these issues...not a nervous sort of "let's
   get this conversation out of the way as fast as possible so as we can get down
   to it" but rather a light-hearted (yet very meaningful) chat about our
   standings on these issues. To talk on this level requires a very special
   relationship which does include trust, intimacy and some kind of brand of
   behaviour that's unique to just me and my partner, say an in-joke, for
   example. Maybe there are women out there who are capable of making me feel that
   trust in < 4 months ... I've yet to meet one :-) she'd be mind-blowing! :-D

OK, people are different & if you feel like this...

To me it sounds as if there is to much rational reasoning involved. I
do not believe that people should control their feelings by thinking
this usually never works out. 

The time it requires is always different: sometimes 6 months may be
just right another time a few hours are enough...

Sometimes I am very fascinated by women I don't know. Actually it is
particulary the fact that I don't know them well which fascinates
me... 

   >I imagine you two sitting in a Hotel room and saying "You know Barbara
   >I would like to have Sex with you and so would you but you know the
   >time is not ripe for it. We still have to wait" (looks on his watch)
   >"For another half an hour"> :-)

   I like that :-). 

I am happy that you are not offended. Actually I forgot the scene
where you sit in a cafe with Barbara and discuss the question of
contraception. Several samples are lying on the table... Maybe we
should make a film out of this ? ;-)

   >Thorsten Altenkirch		alti@dcs.ed.ac.uk

   Is this a man? (excuse my ignorance)...if not, then even worse that a woman
   should regard me as 'rigid'. Perhaps that's why I've met no-one lately...

Sorry - it is. 

T.
--
************************************************************
Thorsten Altenkirch		alti@dcs.ed.ac.uk
LFCS, Edinburgh
Scotland
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: hrose@eff.org (Helen Trillian Rose)
Subject: Re: COMPUTER RELATIONSHIPS
Organization: The Evil Fascist IRC Admins From Hell, Inc.
	<19717@plains.NoDak.edu> <Bt94p7.51w@acsu.buffalo.edu>
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 1992 23:50:11 GMT

Marie> == Marie E. Copertino <mec@acsu.buffalo.edu> 

|In article <1992Aug13.202738.11162@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>
lhartman@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Lori L Hartman) writes:

|>For a couple of months now, I have been communicating with someone over the 
|>We plan to meet for the first time Labor 
|>NETWORK?  How did it turn out?  What was the meeting like?
|>
|>Lori

 Marie> 	Lori,

 Marie> 	Be CAREFUL!  One guy I met on the net and talked to for
 Marie> awhile turned 	out to be a -jerk- in real life...  be careful!
 Marie> Don't go out with 	him alone, at least at first, and make
 Marie> sure you meet some of his 	family and friends, or whatever.

 Marie> 	As sad as it may seem, people can make themselves to
 Marie> appear any way 	they want to, when the only form of
 Marie> communication is "talk" or tele- 	phone.  Hopefully
 Marie> everything will work out with you and your net-dude, 	but
 Marie> please be cautious until you are sure.

I'm not saying that being careful is bad, but don't assume that everyone
you meet over the network is a slimeball either! If you're not sure if
he's really a nice person or not, arrange a double date with one of your
friends and their RP. But don't assume that he's a slime! If you're not
sure, *talk to him* before you plan to go out anywhere. 

--Helen

 
--
Helen Trillian Rose             	email eff@eff.org for EFF info
Electronic Frontier Foundation   	irc operators: operlist@eff.org
Systems and Networks Administration	Flames to: 
<hrose@eff.org, hrose@cs.bu.edu>	women-not-to-be-messed-with@eff.org
From: rlk@underprize.think.com (Robert Krawitz)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Looking for help
Date: 23 Aug 92 09:35:07 GMT
	<22669@sybase.sybase.com> <1992Aug23.053820.11271@cs.tulane.edu>
Organization: Thinking Machines Corporation, Cambridge Mass., USA
NNTP-Posting-Host: underprize.think.com
In-reply-to: burger@convex1.tcs.tulane.edu's message of Sun, 23 Aug 1992 05:38:20 GMT

In article <1992Aug23.053820.11271@cs.tulane.edu> burger@convex1.tcs.tulane.edu (The Rodman) writes:

   >>So, dear netland, what are your opinions? How does one 'look without
   >>looking'?
   >
   >The rumor is true in my experience.  Whenever I went looking I was
   >invariably disappointed.  Eventually I gave up and decided to be happy on
   >my own, and I met someone almost immediately.

     This is not a personal flame, but I can't stand it when I hear adages like
     this perpetuated as the absolute truth and often supported by a sample
     size of 1.

Agreed.  My counterexample (which as a sample size of 1 is worth as
little as any other "testimonial") is that I've been most successful
when actively looking hard.
--
ames >>>>>>>>>  |	Robert Krawitz <rlk@think.com>	245 First St.
bloom-beacon >  |think!rlk				Cambridge, MA  02142
harvard >>>>>>  .	Thinking Machines Corp.		(617)234-2116

Member of the League for Programming Freedom -- write league@prep.ai.mit.edu
From: CEG112@psuvm.psu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Remember the long distance relationship problem?
Date: 13 Aug 92 19:24:58 GMT
Organization: Penn State University

Hi It's me again. I don't know if you remember or not but I posted an article
several weeks ago about telling this guy how I feel cause I really cared about
him. Well since then he had told me not to cheat on him at the county fair that
was recently here. Then all of a sudden I started seeing his car at this girl's
house quite frequently. We got into this huge fight and he had said we were
never officially together but yet I wasn't supposed to cheat on him (go figure)
so we just ended things and I had never had that well needed talk with him. I
guess things are better off this way.  If any of you that helped me so much
with my initial problem are logged on I would appreciate you getting a hold of
me to talk because now I'm even more confused than before. I'm hoping I can
talk to some of you today because I lose my account because I will no longer be
working here and today is my last day of work. You were all a great help before
and I hope you are as much help this time. Thanx in advance.

Christine
From: frank@rniwi.rni.sub.org (Frank Mogaddedi)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Looking for help
Date: 19 Aug 92 07:34:33 GMT
Organization: Frank's Wild Unix

Hi, all you out there.

Perhaps you could help me with a bit of advice. This is _not_ a post
about romance, but about the lack thereof.

My wife broke up with me about 1 1/2 years ago and has moved out 
a bit over 1 year ago. For various reasons we are still legally married.

Yes, I got LJBFed. I tried to cool down to 'just friends', but it doesn't
seem to work out, since she is - unknowingly - hitting my sore spots and
doesn't seem to be able - or to wish - to avoid them.

Asides from that, I start hating my job, the leas to my apartment is going
to be cancelled, and I find myself without an RP/SO.

Primarily I'd like to be interested in starting a relationship. I'm sick
and tired of coming home to an empty house, of neither asking nor being
asked how the day was etc. And friends, which I have, cannot fill in
there.

So tell me, what would be good ways to start?
Or is the rumor right, that you'll never find anybody while you're
looking? If that's the truth, I'm looking forward to a _really_ lonely
future :-(

So, dear netland, what are your opinions? How does one 'look without
looking'?

BTW, please don't "You-just-have-to-wait-and-everything-will-be-allright"
me.

Take care
	Frank

-- 
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| e-mail: frank@rniwi.rni.sub.org | Disclaimer: "Read my lips" (George Bush)  |
|	  Beauty is only skin-deep, but ugliness goes clean to the bone	      |
|	     What luck for women, that men can see better than think	      |
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Subject: Re: PMS
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
Date: 13 Aug 1992 12:36 EST  

In article <pg4m#p.tyger@netcom.com>, tyger@netcom.com (Kitty in the Middle) writes...
>In article <5AUG199214502079@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov> afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison) writes:
>>>>>>>tyger@netcom.com (Kitty in the Middle) writes:
>>> 
>>> 
>>>What? Have you no culture? 
>>
>>Well, I *do* have a little mold growing between my toes... does *that* 
>>count ??
> 
>Um...no.

Darn, and I had *just* started to trim it in the shape of Venus de Milo...
now I'll have to wash it off. :-)
> 

>>>I was speaking of the painter, not the wanker.
>>
>>There's a functional difference between an artist and a wanker ?? :-)
> 
>Yeah...you don't get paid for wanking unless your name is John Holmes.
> 

Or, at the very least, you don't get paid for it unless you're *built* like 
John Holmes. :-)

>>Uh ... *Paul* ?!??!?!?! Look immediately below...
> 
>So sorry...got you confused with the man from Across the Pond...:)
>(But his accent is nicer than yours...;))

Oh, I've been told that I have a rather sexy voice on the phone... uh... 
anybody lurking out there want to back me up on this ? :-) :-)

-- Stephen `word of mouth is the best advertising' Dennison

	The smallest light offered in total darkness is a blinding
	beacon of hope.
Newsgroups: alt.romance