From: mhn@cs.brown.edu (Marian H. Nodine)
Subject: Re: WAS 20/20 and Spanking - IS Child Rearing
Organization: Brown University Department of Computer Science
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 17:09:01 GMT

(Diana Choi) writes:

>Along these lines, there is an interesting set of studies done by
>Diana Baumrind, noting different methods of child rearing and the resultant
>child behavior.  She divided up the different methods into authoritarian,
>authoritative, permissive.  Each was described in terms of four factors:
>
>  1. Parental Control - measure of strict discipline (does NOT mean spanking)
>
>  2. Clarity of Parent-Child communications - extent to which child's
>        opinion is solicited on family decisions, extent to which parent 
>	offers reasons for punitive or restrictive measures.
>
>  3. Maturity demands - parental pressure or encouragement to perform well 
>	in the intellectual, social, or emotional sphere.
>
>  4. Nurturance - warmth and involvement in caretaking, extent to which
>	parent expresses concern for child's well-being or pleasure in
>	child's accomplishments.

(Elise asks)

>So what do you have if you have high control, high communication, low
>maturity, and high nurturance?  I mean what's so great about pushing
>your child beyond their age intellectually or socially?  The other
>areas I can see ... (Assume by high control that means consistent
>discipline.)

High maturity means the extent to which you ask your kids to behave in
an age-appropriate manner and (my interpretation) how much do you encourage
and help them to learn skills that *they* are showing interest in learning
(when those skills may be a bit advanced for their age).

When we started raising Tim, we started with high control, communication,
and nurturance, low maturity.  When he hit about 3 we started correcting
with respect to maturity, so now we expect high maturity.  I think the
low maturity expectation led to his not wanting to try new things.  This,
in turn, affected his self-esteem.  Once we started bringing our maturity
expectations up, he really blossomed in unexpected ways.

For example, at about 3 1/2 Timmy ended up having a thorough evaluation
of his gross motor skills.  They were very low (6th percentile).  We
started encouraging him to try new things, working skills into games,
and expecting him to learn them.  When he hit a physical obstacle that
he didn't want to tackle, we started coaching him through it instead of
rushing to help.  And spotting him rather than helping when possible.
Now, at almost 5, he has just started taking dance and gymnastics classes
(his choice, not ours) and is really throwing himself into learning the
new skills.  He just learned to skip, and he is so proud of himself!  And
just last night he got up his courage and ran the obstacle course at
Discovery Zone (which is quite hard) about 10 times.

With Anna, we started out expecting high maturity from the start.  One
thing I have noticed with her is how much she delights in trying things
and in learning new skills.  I am amazed (and sometimes frightened) at
the things she will attempt in the way of life skills.  For instance,
she decided she wanted to learn to use the toilet at about 18 months,
and was in panties by 21 months.  She really delights in using the toilet,
even though at 23 months she still has fairly frequent accidents.  Her
self-esteem is very high (others observation, not mine).  This
is in marked contrast to Tim, who toilet trained late (3 1/2 maybe?)
and never really felt that it was a big accomplishment he could take
pride in.

-- Misty
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