From: stangem@columbia.dsu.edu (Michele Stange)
Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian
Subject: relationship
Date: 13 Dec 92 05:13:18 GMT
Organization: Dakota State University

I am a Christian who is engaged to be married to someone who just three 
months ago proclaimed himself an "agnostic agnostic" meaning he wasn't 
really sure what he believed.  He was still very open-minded on the whole 
subject of Christianity.  I would lie awake at nights thinking that this 
relationship was wrong at that time, but then, just because you go out with 
someone that doesn't mean that you have to do something crazy like marry 
him, does it?

Well, the relationship grew and the subject of marriage did enter the 
picture.  In my heart I could hear Jesus telling me this was wrong - 
Christians are not to be yoked to unbelievers.  The faith of the Christian 
will suffer.  The darkness and the light cannot co-exist, etc.  I consulted 
several people on this decision and ended up telling Brian I would marry 
him, despite the fact that I knew he was agnostic.  I kept telling myself, 
rationalizing, that this was going to be okay.  Maybe he could grow from 
watching my faith but it was not getting any better.  Finally I talked to 
my uncle, a very strong Christian who finally gave me the answer I needed to 
hear - It's wrong.  There are no ifs, ands, or buts, about it.  You need to 
make a choice - your faith or Brian.  That hurt, but I knew it was coming.

I finally told Brian that I could not marry him because of the difference
in faith/religion.  We actually did break up over it. I told him I had to 
let him go and he left.  He was back in about an hour.  He went for a run 
at midnight, came to my apartment, and told me that he did not want to lose 
me, and he wanted to be educated.  If Christianity was so important to me, 
he wanted to know more about it.  At that moment we both turned to God 
in prayer asking him that he work in both of our hearts to make our 
faiths grow and strengthen this relationship.  That was a turning point.

Things have been going pretty smoothly since that time as we have determined 
after some lengthy discussions that Brian is really a Christian, but he has 
his doubts as we all do at times.  Recently, I've added another worry to the 
matter.  I am quite fundamental in my beliefs (an understatement according 
to Brian) and Brian is well, um, more liberal, open-minded as it were.  We'
ve talked about having kids someday (the year 2030 by Brian's reckoning), 
but anyway, my question is how can we raise children in a Christian home if 
our beliefs are so far apart?  True, he is a Christian, but a LIBERAL 
Christian - translated he's a Methodist (no insult intended).  He is 
doubtful that there is an evil force to be reckoned with so therefore he 
believes there is no hell - there is no reason for it in his thinking.  He 
does not believe in taking the Bible literally.  So these are some of the 
things we're struggling with, actually I'm the only one struggling.  He's 
very comfortable with the idea of marriage; I am wary for these reasons.  I 
don't believe that people have to be of the same opinion on everything, but 
certain things, such as your relationship with Christ should be pretty much 
the same if a healthy Christian marriage is to happen.

Thoughts?