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Newsgroups: bit.listserv.christia
Date:         Tue, 7 Apr 1992 04:00:37 CDT
From:         Lonnie Schubert <S096556@UMRVMA.BITNET>
Subject:      Re: abortion

On Mon, 6 Apr 1992 19:35:00 EDT LIZ MOREAU said:
>IMO kids grow up to be juvenile deliquents because there was no
>discipline and morality in their homes.  I know adults today who came
>out of one parent, low-income homes who are wonderful people.  Many
>two income homes also suffer from stress.  There are still financial
>problems and very tired parents who do reach their limits also.
>
I have to agree.  Invironment is important, but not determinant.
"God, I couldn't serve you and live a holy life because my father left
mom and me when I was little and left us in the gheto."
I mean no insult to anyone, but I just cannot immagine this statement
holding any sway on God on judement day.  If it was a fact of my up
bringing that I was raised in such a situation, I believe God would still
hold me repsonsible for any truth I knew and for all the decisions and
choices I made while in such cercumstances.

>> What if she were a teenager raised in a church? she made a
>>mistake, and having heard all her life how terrible it is to
>>be an unwed mother, and how evil abortion is, she cannot face
>>her community. Abortion is the the better choice because no
>>one will know. It may be evil, but it is better than facing
>>the judgement of her church and parents, who would probably
>>send her off to some home for misbehaving teenagers. (or so
>>she imagined, in her panic.)
>
>Yes, she can definitely hide her problem from everyone by aborting,
>but can she hide it from God?  [.......]
>
Please allow me to share my own experience in such a situation (from a
male perspective).  This is a true story, and I will use the name Ruth
for the woman involved.
Ruth was (and still is) a very beautiful woman.  In fact, IMO the most
beautiful woman I had ever met.  I fell quite deaply in love with her.
She did not return my romantic feelings, but we did manage to become very
close and dear friends.  I still love her today and still would do almost
anything she asked, if she would ask (within the restrictions of my changed
role as another womans husband).
Ruth was the kind of woman men fawned over.  I was most certainly not alone
in my feelings for her.  She and I became such good friends, because after
the initial problems associated with my onesided romantic intentions, she
began to trust me unreservedly.  She accepted that I could honestly put aside
my desires and merely be a good friend to her.  She began to confide in me
about her boyfriends, and about all the things that girls and women usually
only confide in oneanother.  Next to her roommate, I became her best friend.
I was determined not to betray her trust.

I want to take a few lines to explain the circumstances of the events.
Ruth was a graduate of the Bible College I was attending at the time.  She
was a strong Christian in most respects.  She was from a strong Christian
family with a long christian heritge.  Her parents, and sisters were all
graduates of this bible college, and her baby brother had entered it a year
behind me.  Ruth, as I said, was a strong Christian.  However, she had
problems when it came to men.  She was the victim of rape.  (She brought
charges, but later dropped them.  It was essentially a date rape.)
She also had, shortly thereafter, become sexually involved with her then
boyfriend whom she supposed would marry her.  He did not.  She eventually
broke off with him and told her parents who accepted her and did (from
my "outsider" perspective) as good as could be expected of any parents.
This all occured before any of them attended bible college.
Also, her best friend and roommate had graduated the b.c. with her.

During Ruth's last year in bible college, she began to date a good christian
man, and due to his "youngness" in the Lord, and her self-esteem problems,
she repeated the mistakes of the earlier romance (the earlier boyfriend was
non-christian).  Again, more broken heart, and she fell into the loving arms
of her parents.  But, she resolved she would never fail her parents again.
I wouldn't be telling the story if she lived up to her resolution.

Not long after Ruth and I worked through our initial problems and began to
become good friends, she decided to rebel against God and have "one last
fling" of worldliness.  Please try to understand the position this put me
in.  I was in pain.  Recall that I felt I was in love with this girl (and
in truth, I was).  It caused me much pain and termoil.  I spent many hours
praying for her.  I often had to trust her roommate to take care of her,
that is, make sure she got home safely after a night at the local western
club.  Mel was great, but she wasn't much stronger than Ruth.
Well, this is getting long.  For brevity, she had a couple of dates, which
ended as most "modern men" expect dates to end, and this time, she became
pregnant.  She told me first; in fact, I had already figured it out on my own.
I knew her and her older sister very well, I simply could tell when they were
pregnant.  (Don't ask me how I knew; I just did.  I could tell with my wife,
too.)  Ruth decided she was going to get an abortion, and told me that I had
better not try to stop her.  I did anyway, and so did Mel, but Ruth refused
to listen.  She had failed her parents, and in a misguided sense of protecting
them from her own pain, she just decided that this was what she would do, and
she would make her peace with God afterward.  I tried to talk her out of it
as gently and lovingly as I could, but she refused.  Finally, I relented
and conceded to her wishes to tell no one, especially her parents.  I will
regret that decision for the rest of my life.
As much as I know she would have hated me for it, and as much as I know it
would have hurt her, it would not have hurt nearly as bad as what followed.

Ruth went through with the abortion at a local "clinic".  I actually consider
it a miracle, that apparently she had miscarried just prior to the abortion,
because the "doctor" had bad news.  "We did not find anything during the
`procedure'.  It may be that you miscarried and were unaware of it.  However,
it is quite possible that you have a tubal pregnancy."  Now, she was really
scared.  If so, she would have to be admitted to the hospital.  How could
she keep her parents from discovering her failure then?  Obviously, the
pregnancy test came back negative this time.  (She was still out her $350,
though.)  But this was only the beginning of the worst nightmare of my life
(and probably hers too.)  There were complications.  She was a very thin
person and could not tolerate much blood loss.  She lost too much.  I was
with her the rest of the day after the attempted abortion and left in the
late evening.  I began to worry then.  After noon the next day, I was back
with her, and Mel related the problems of the night and that morning before
she left for work.  Ruth was very sick.  In a few hours I began to insist
that she either let me take her to the hospital or call her parents.  She
finally let me call a friend of her parents who came right over.  By now,
Ruth was obviously in need of medical treatment.  She accepted the
inevitable and called her mother.  She went to the hospital and successfully
recovered.  She was however, unable to hide her mistakes from anyone that
knew her.
Abortion was most certainly not the best choice in this situation.
I ask honestly, is it ever?
    Lonnie Schubert
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