From: stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews)
Subject: Re: Dating my first love again...
Organization: CSIRO Division of Mathematics and Statistics, Australia
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 08:09:05 GMT



In a recent article, willittl@spock.NMSU.Edu (William  Little) writes...

[some bits removed to keep it short...]

> As the subject suggests, I am once again dating the first woman
> I fell in love with, and the only one I have loved since.

Sounds really nice, congrats...

> "You don't seem to be pursuing your dreams like you should.
> I have never loved somebody so strongly, and probably never
> will, but this relationship is destructive to your future, 
> and I can't live with that."

Sounds pretty considerate on her part...

> I never thought I would see her again, aside from phone
> conversations.

I'll be you'll never say never again huh? :-)

> Well, I never once quit loving her any less, and decided to 
> "test the water" and ask her out.  She basically jumped at the
> chance, and we went out.  And we've been going out for three
> weeks.

Great!


> Here is where I become confused.

Uh-oh...


> This past Friday, she startled me a bit with something she told me.
> Not much, but some.

Here it comes....

> She told me that she was bi-sexual.

Whoah!

> This really wasn't a shock at all.  When we first started going
> out two years ago, she always told me of fantasies she had of
> other women in bed, but being the 20 year old male, I look at it
> like.. "cool...  2 women..  (smile)".  

Sounds like fun. The first things that come into my head are like...
"If it's not on, it's not on"

"No balloon, no party"

"If you can't be 'good', wear a condom"

Otherwise, not my cup of tea, not my place to say it's wrong either...


> I am assuming that this isn't going to affect our relationship, 
> because it is going so well now...

Yes, but methinks it might. Depends how far she wants to carry this
bi thing. Just for sexual relationships with men and women?, or 
further, to love relationships too?

Perhaps the saying that applies to swinging could be applied...

"If you plan to share your wife, prepare to lose your wife"

(Not saying it will happen, just might...)

> But, there is also an underlying feeling of confusion.
> I have never had to deal with this before, and am wondering
> if I should.  I consiously convince myself to put it aside

Yes, methinks you should deal with it. Wherever there is a problem,
you will worry about it until it is fixed... but remember...

 "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in
  it's hands. You seek problems because you need the gifts they bring"
                                                 (Richard Bach)

You *will* learn from this, whatever you decide, whatever happens.
That is the gift. (You think like that, you actually start to enjoy
problems!)

> because she is who she is, has always been, and always will be.

A very mature attitude. Many in your position would try to change her.

> But the confusion is still there.

Yes, it is, isn't it.

> 
> I plan on bringing it up next time I see her and ask if it
> effects our relationship at all, and also attempt to gain 
> insight as to where our relationship actually stands.

Sounds like a pretty good idea. In fact, methinks you're doing a
really good, sensible job of working this out yourself. Except
perhaps for moral support, you hardly need us. (this n'group)

> So, if anybody has any advice - please send it along.

I just have... :-)

> Any would be appreciated.
> Thank you,

and thank-you for the opportunity to comment, friend. :-)

I wish you the best of learning, and the best of outcomes...
(I don't believe in good luck you see, just in good planning,
and good action)

> Joseph Good

Stuartb (a psuenodym)
.

-- 
"Somebody thought of it                 #    "I do not agree with what you say
 And someone believed it                #     But I will fight to the death for
 And look what it's done so far"	#     your right to say it"
                  (Kermit the Frog)     #               (Rumpole of the Bailey)
################################################################################
Stuart Andrews
stuarta@syd.dms.csiro.au
Opinions posted here are mine and do not necessarily comply with those of CSIRO