From: pankow@yoda.fsl.noaa.gov (glen pankow)
Subject: Recent events in Japan, edited.
Organization: Forecast Systems Lab, NOAA, Boulder CO, USA
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 20:39:14 GMT


TOKYO (PUI) -- in a packed conference room today the MEATY (Japan's powerful
export trade cartel supervisory commission of its East Asia No-prosperity
Sphere) Secondary Adjunct Plenipotentiary Kakarichoo Wannamaka Tanaka answered
a barrage of questions from foreign journalists concerning the latest scandal
to rock the Lower Upper house of the Diet, which may result in a Purge like
one not seen for months.

     "There's really nothing to be concerned about" said the Adjunct,
squinting in the bright lights like a nighttime driver stopped at a Tookyoo
intersection.  "The Ex-Prime Minister did not wish to imply any deprecation
when he said that the Japanese have longer cerebral cortexes than you people.
And when I say 'people', I mean it.  I'm not just being Politically Convenient
(PC) here.  Please don't take any of this personally."

     Fortunately, the conference room was crowded so everyone was polite.

     But that was old news.  The real reason for having the press conference
was that earlier this week an internal memo was leaked that described MEATY's
planting of spies in American universities.  "We categorically deny planting
any vegetables in prestigious American universities, Cuz" the Adjunct glared,
smiling with a straight face.

     The memo mentioned by name two of the alleged stooges.  One name
appeared to be like some kind of Japanese name, but as we were all gaijin we
couldn't hope to read it.  The other was written with katchykany or something;
one of us who'd lived in Japan twenty years took a stab with it and came up
with Etchi Roobaatsuusonsan.  When confronted with this, the Adjunct scratched
his head, saying "Maybe you're referring to one of Mutsubushi's fuzzy-logic
robots, Roba-chan, which we export to California.  It's still a little buggy."

     "Is that your honne or just more tatemae?" some airhead news anchor
journalist asked.  The Adjunct said, "I'm sorry I can't answer that right now.
I have to get some cataracts removed."  It seems much of the Japanese
leadership is having vision problems lately.

     James Shallows, contributing columnist, and editor of Atlointush
magazine, noted that I may have used too many commas in this last sentence.
"Isn't it just like the Japanese," he said, "to deny their duplicity in their
despicable propaganda", referring to the widely disseminated White Paper
called "An America that Can Say Yes".  "Some people are deceived into thinking
that that tome was merely some student's slapping together of common Japan-
bashing tripe," he continued.  "But the genius behind it was when comments
back were solicited", he scowled, "as if to give the impression that the
student was too lazy to come up with anything original to put in his paper,
forcing some to defend Japan in their replies.  Once again naive Americans are
duped into doing Japan's work for her."

     This reporter pressed Mr. Shallows for more details, but he said he had
to get back to work on his next article.  It's a treatise on how Japanese gun
control, driving conditions, television commercials, and urban rudeness affect
the sexuality of Japanese girls.  It should be an interesting report.

-- end of unquoted text --

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Glen Pankow                       If any of my opinions should be caught or
pankow@fsl.noaa.gov               killed, the Secretary will disavow any
glen@boulder.colorado.edu         knowledge of my actions.

Newsgroups: soc.culture.japan,soc.culture.asian.america,soc.culture.usa,misc.education