Organization: Youngstown State University
Date: Friday, 17 Apr 1992 09:43:18 EDT
From: <SC687312@ysub.ysu.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.romance.chat
Subject: Loving The Wrong Man?

I am currently stuck in a situation that I am very unhappy, and confused in.  I
am currently dating a guy, (who I've been seeing for four years) who I am very
much in love with, or so I think so.  I am nineteen years old, and have been se
eing this guy since I was fifteen, we both attended the same high school.  He
is a year older that me, and left for Kent State after his graduation, but that
 really isn't the problem.  He comes home every weekend to see me, and I often
visit him. (I live within the Youngstown area)  But the real problems started a
bout six months ago, when we had a "serious talk".  We started discussing what
the future holds for us.  He has about two more years of school, and me about
three.  Well in that conversation we did indeed discuss marriage.  He stated
that he did in fact love me, and couldn't  image spending the rest of his
life with anyone else, but he did also say,that he wasn't positive about our
future.  He told me that it would be at least six years, before we'd ever tie
the knot.  He also said he wasn't guaranting anything, and if I didn't want to
wait, that was fine with him.  He doesn't want me to feel as though I am
wasting my time with him since we have a undetermined future.  It really
doesn't matter to much to me now about who I will marry.  I feel as though I am
too young to even be thinking about marrige.  I am not sure that he is even the
right guy for me.  Don't get me wrong, I really do love him, it's just that he
is all I've ever known.  I never really dated anyone else.  There were a few ti
mes that we had broken up, and he went out with others girls. (That really hurt
 me)  I've never really felt the need, besides the fact no one else ever really
 asked me out.  It was as though I was still his.  Well we made it through
those times, and are really happy to still be together.  It's just that I reall
y feel as though he has been taking me for granted lately, and that really
hurts.  It seems as though I am the one that is always making myself available
to him whenever he has time, because I feel he comes home to see me, so I shoul
d make things a bit easier for him.  Lately he has been coming home, but we hav
en't been seeing much of each other.  He has so many other things he has to
"take care of".  He has so many other things that have seem to be becoming
before me lately.  If it's not golfing, it's fishing, if it's not fishing, it's
softball, and so fourth and so on.  This summer I probably won't see him much
because of his work, activties and vactions, and mine.  It's really starting to
scare me because I feel as though we are growing apart.  Maybe this is good in
a way, because it will give me the chance to go out with other guys, right?  I
really don't know if he is the Mr. Right anyway, I've never had the chance to
find out.  Maybe this is the opportunity I've been looking for.  If things seem
my way, then why am I so unhappy?  I am very confused.

The other night I went out with a really close male friend of mine, and he and
one of his friends helped me to realize a few things.  They helped me to unders
tand that I make it to easy for my boyfriend to take advantage of me.  Also
that I am so very young and that I missing out on dating other people.  Would I
be able live with myself wondering if he really is the man for me.  I really be
lieve in marriage, but only once, that is why I really want to be sure of
myself before making the committment.  The thing is I'm just really confused an
d unsure of the whole situation.  My boyfriend really hasn't done anything
wrong, besides leading a very active life.  Things are going pretty good, besid
es the fact that I don't see him that often.  I really believe that I am happy,
or is this just what I think is happiness, because I don't know any better?
I'm really confused and could use any advice, what do you think about the situa
tion is it love or convienence?
                                                        --Unsure