From: jodar@girtab.usc.edu (Nicholas Jodar)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Sanctity Twist
Date: 15 Apr 1992 08:20:48 -0700
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: girtab.usc.edu
Summary: Survey says...!
Keywords: Black or White

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*NOTE*  The following opinions are MINE(!) and apply only to
ME(!) in the case described....

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In article <1992Apr14.211308.10223@javelin.sim.es.com> pashdown@javelin.sim.es.com (Pete Ashdown) writes:

>Ok, so everyone seems to be pretty indignant at the thought of one person
>interfearing with an existing releationship.  However, they seem to think that
>the situation is completely black and white.  No grey areas.  

The situation might be grey, but I'm definitely white.... :-)

>Try this one on for size.
>
>A girl introduces herself to you and you think the introduction goes bad.  So
>you don't bother to go out with her.  Then you meet again a few months later
>and have a good chat, so you reverse your decision.  You go out, have a great
>time, and are told that it was a great "date" when you drop the girl off at
>her door.  Things progress over time and you find yourself falling deeper than
>ever before.  You are both amazed.  Then one weekend she needs to take a trip
>to see "someone".  

>>BUZZZZZT!!!<<

Here's where I ask 'Who is this guy, a friend of yours?'
Depending upon her answer, I act accordingly....

>You eventually come to find out that she has been making
>weekly trips to see a boyfriend who she met in the interval between your first
>introduction and your first date.  He lives a distance away.  You find
>yourself torn between honor and love.  

Sure do, and I choose honour.  What's love without honour?  I
seem to remember that there's supposed to be 'trust'...  Love
honour and obey...?

So I tell her, 'Well, I really like you, but I'm exclusive with
you and want the same in return.  You decide who you want.' 

If she decides she wants me, she gets me.

>You choose love and things continue in
>the same fashion.  Wonderfully romantic evenings, fantastically interesting
>days.  But still the weekly visits take place.  She tells you how much she is
>stressed by the situation and you decide to neither run away nor make demands.
>
>So, I ask the Cyranos and Elizabeths "out there".  Is this an easy decision?

Well, like I said, I wouldn't get into this mess....  I'd choose
honour long before things got to this point.

>Can you just walk away from it and not feel you aren't making the biggest
>mistake of your life?  

You bet!  If she really wants me, she'll give this other guy up.
If she doesn't, I'll go find somebody that does.

>Can you not feel that it isn't your responsibility to
>press for a decision, but since the girl in question got herself into the
>situation, she's got to get herself out?  

Hey, it's her choice....  If there's another guy, then I'm outta
there.  If she wants to be with me, then she'd better act fast,
before somebody else snatches me up.

>It is obvious that someone will get
>hurt sometime.  

Who?  Who will be hurt?  I'm not hurt, because I haven't done
anything wrong, and I'm going to make out just fine one way or
the other.  She won't be hurt, because she gets to make the
choice.  The other guy MIGHT be hurt.  Depends on how mature and
self-confident he is.  But he's in charge of his own perception.
If I don't have to be hurt by the situation, why does he?

>But what else is there to do but wait and see?

Well, like I said, I'd not only take action, but I'd possibly
take it much sooner....

>And yes, this isn't fiction.

Well, you'll have to answer these questions for yourself.  I can
only speak for me....

-Nick

'It wasn't until I was seventeen that I could finally afford to
 buy a car....  At eighteen, I even had an engine to put in it.'