From: larry@b8.b8.ingr.com (Larry Billings)
Subject: Re: Hints (Was Re: What is attractive)
Organization: Intergraph
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 18:35:31 GMT

In article <1992Nov5.005444.6405@noose.ecn.purdue.edu>, mel@niblick.ecn.purdue.edu (Meloney D Cregor) writes:
> In article <1992Nov4.201408.5614@bnr.ca> Joan Balser writes:
> 
> >No one that I know of presently is a MIND READER!  If I (a woman) expect
> >something from a man, I TELL HIM.  I feel sorry of all you guys who have to put
> >up with that kind of crap where the woman expects you to *know* what she wants.
> > They obviously don't know how to communicate!!
> 
> Bullshit.
> 
> I can communicate quite well, thank you very much and I take exception
> to your hypothesis.  What I take exception to is your premise that it is
> "expected".  It is not expected, it is hoped.

Being the person responsible for starting this, I didn't plan to start battles.

> Wanting someone to take the initiative to do something that makes one
> feel special is not expecting them to read your mind, it is hoping that
> they pay enough attention to what you  *do* say and the feelings that *have*
> been expressed and that this is reflected in their actions. 
> 

What I was refering to was not the simple things, surprizing her with flowers
or gifts etc. I do that quite spontaniously.  I was talking about feelings
in genearal, "does she like me or not like me?", "Does she want me to visit
often or seldom?", "Should I try to move the relationship to an intimate
level on the [first, second, tenth, etc.] date?", things like that.

> An example....
> 
> An ex-LO and I ended up in a fight over something I did against
> my wishes and better judgement (even us old dogs still have to
> learn).  He asked me to do something which I strongly did not want to
> do, and I did it anyway.  It ended up being a fight later, because of the

Another example, one SO, every time I thought the signals said "come on down"
She would get defensive and back away, and one time even said something to
the effect of "what the hell do you think you are doing?" so I would back
off to the previous level and await to await the green light.  After a few
days she would begin to worry that I had lost interest and move in.  When I
took that as a sign she wanted me to get closer, she would back away again.
This is the same woman who talked about needing to move off base (we were in
the navy) until I asked her to get an apartment together.  She agreed until
after I had rented an apartment, bought furniture, and arranged for a moving
veichle, when she decided NOT to move off base.  So after desperatly hunting
up a roommate and moving into the apartment, she rented the apartment across
the street, to keep an eye on me.
SHE wasn't the only one, just the worst.



Larry Billings
---

Well, with the election over it's time for a new .sig [not that the old one
is not appropriate, it's even more appropriate] but let's review it.

Most of us are sad,

[Well, the rest will be soon enough]

No one let's it show,

[And you will have no money to show]

I've been shadows of myself,

[But could still see my position better than most]

How was I to know?

[Can't answer that, but I did know]

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NEWSIG
Wantad: Single White Male "WITH" job seeks Single Female with job and 2 or
more kids.  Object: Marriage so we can avoid Clintons tax increases.
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Newsgroups: soc.singles