From: cjp8b@dayhoff.med.Virginia.EDU (Chris Penington)
Subject: Re: Are you a Young Transplant?
Organization: University of Virginia
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 06:27:34 GMT

In article <74341@apple.apple.COM> stef@Apple.COM (Stef Jones) writes:
>schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov (gary l. schroeder) writes:
>
>>how many of you
>>reading this are recent college grads that have accepted that High
>>Paying Job that you went to school for in the first place that is
>>located somewhere other than where you were either (a)raised,
>>(b)schooled, or (c)would like to be?  Have you become involved with
>>someone that you met since you moved to said location?  

>The point of this is, unless you really love your job, don't stay somewhere
>you don't like, any longer than necessary. It can affect you in subtle ways.
>For example, I'm convinced that if you don't like where you live, it can be
>harder to get involved with someone because you may subconsciously have one
>foot already out the door, and may be trying to avoid the possibility of 
>being tied down to that place. 

Gee Stef, were you thinking of me when you wrote this ? :) It's a
pretty good description of what I think I've been doing to myself for
the last year or two. When you figure to leave the country
lots of people lose interest pretty quickly. Now I have a job lined up
to start in 6 months in Australia I've given up hope of finding anyone
here (though a satisfying relationship here would make a huge
difference - might even convince me to stay here). It'll be a relief
to live in a real city again!

Some of what Gary was asking sounds very similar to my grad school
experience. In my case I find myself in a completely different place
from where I was raised, acquired my values, got my undergraduate
education and primary and secondary schooling and picked up this
absurd curiosity about how things work and how they got that way. 
I have had involvements although only two of them endured for more
than a few weeks and both had pretty much wound down to platonic
friendships by the time the SO's moved away. I still like these
people, I still have contact with them, there's just not enough there
to base a closer relationship on. 

The "two-body problem" also seems to pose quite a dilemma for many of
the relationships I see. People who indulge in "ethereal" education
(PhD programs and the like) often encounter limited employment
markets. It can be a real problem to find a place where both partners
can have satisfying employment. I think the (often unconscious)
acknowledgement of this problem may be one of the factors which
contributes to the isolation experienced by a lot of grad students.
You're working so hard that the only people you see are people who it
doesn't pay to get involved with, hence you don't get involved with
anyone unless you can find the time to develop some outside
interests....

...more irrational spoutings at 1:30 am!

Chris

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