From: smoir@world.std.com (Scott A Moir)
Subject: Re: Set the WayBack Machine (Coming Out)
Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 13:41:37 GMT

In article <16B5213135.SILVERI@QUCDN.QueensU.CA> SILVERI@QUCDN.QueensU.CA (Silver Tiger) writes:
> 
>Sherman, set the not-so-way-back machine to 10 nights ago, New Year's
>Eve, 1992, where we'll find me attending a New Year's party with the
>local fidonet sysop types, up here in Kingston, Ontario, Canada.  With
>me, is my wife, Anastasia, and my OSO (other significant other), Timber
>"Gene" Wolf.

[Personal poke in the ribs]

Gee, you never tell me anything! I'm happy for you.. Timber is a cutie.
I hope things go well for all of you.

>Timber reaches over, lifting the bit of collar the pin is attached to
>and says, "I want one of those too.  You got that in Boston, didn't
>you?"
> 
>"Yup.  I'll see what I can do about getting you one," I said, smirking.

Gee, and you even know someone in the Boston area who can get you one... }:>

[Mom asks THE BIG QUESTION]

>I drove on, wondering if I'd have trouble explaining a corpse in the
>back seat of the car at Canadian Customs, and decided to make sure this
>wasn't the case.  "What, did you die back there or something?" I asked.
> 
>"Well, it is a bit of a shock..." said the maternal unit, convincing me
>that she was still in the land of the living, at least mostly.
> 
>I went on to treat her (and the situation) as if this was a perfectly
>normal and reasonable revelation, much like "It's nice day", "My but
>you're tall", or "So this is it, we're going to die."  [ With apologies
>to Douglas Adams ]  }:]
> 
>You know what?  It helped immensely.  The fact that I refused to treat
>this like some deep dark secret, set the tone for her acceptance of this
>fact.  I told her in the conversation that followed, that she HAD asked
>me, and I was NOT going to lie to her.

I also found this to be true. I am out to my parents, and I told them up
front. In later conversations, I found that they felt that this helped as
well. Now, your mileage may vary, parents are all different. Mine have
dealt well so far, although they have not yet been presented with the
image of me walking in with a man on my arm. Soon enough though,, they
should be meeting Lugh. I'm a bit nervous, but I expect things to go
reasonably well.

>After taking Anastasia home (she wasn't feeling well at the start of this
>day to begin with), I went over to my mom's place, and helped her swap
>her upstairs and downstairs televisions around, while talking with her
>about this, and she seems to be very accepting of the whole situation.
> 
>She needed some re-assurances that I was safe, sane, and my marriage
>wasn't on the rocks.  *chuckle*  She also figures Anastasia is Bisexual
>as well, or she (Anastasia) wouldn't be so understanding of my own
>sexuality.

What will be really telling will be your conversations with her in about a
month or so, after she has had some time to think. Hopefully she won't
just bury the idea and pretend it isn't there. 

>Mom wants me to not wear the pin, as she fears for my safety in
>public, due to those who don't get along well with people in the
>lesbigay community.  Not likely - I refuse to hide what I am, and I
>refuse to live my life in fear.  Life *IS* risk, and there's a hell of a
>difference between existing and living.  I prefer living.

I have been having similar conversations with Deanne and Georgia over the
concept of 'exposure'. I will wear my bi pin out wherever I go, even
around 'sensitive' places like other relatives and such. I'm not trying to
rub it in people's faces, I just refuse to hide it.

Then it comes to issues over things like all of us holding hands and
kissing in public, how out we are about our relationship in our local area
(NOT the nicest of places, but we are moving soon). Deanne has a child
from a previous marriage, and the issues of organizations like the
Massachusetts Department of Social Services (DSS) poking thier nose in
have come up as well. (The DSS can come in and take her son, if they feel
that he is in an unhealthy environment. They can do that to -anyone- in
Mass.. wonderful, isn't it?)

So it is another damn closet.. I hated the first one, and I fought so hard
to get out and stay out that major parts of me want to rebel and be out
and to hell with the consequences. But I can't do that... I'm affecting
other people, people that I love dearly. 

>Anastasia is currently insisting over my shoulder that I add that I
>simply look like someone people would rather not mess with.  I suppose
>with a B7 beard, longish braided hair, the leather boots & jacket, I'm
>starting to look a lot like a biker.  *laugh*  So much for the classic
>stereotype of what a bisexual male looks like.  }:]

Don't be fooled boys & girls... Ian is indeed handsome. Biker look or not.
*Braided* hair? Hmm.. it must have been getting considerably longer since
I last saw you.

Congratulations on dealing with hurdle #1 with the parental unit. I hope
all goes well. My love goes with all of you.

Scott


-- 
Scott Moir  /  Satyr on IRC    ______ # "There's really only one requirement 
smoir@world.std.com            \ \/ / #  for a Prophet, and you've got it."
B4 f t+ w g k+(+!) s+ m r p+    \/\/  # "What's that?"
Also: pentangl@ursa-major.spdcc.com   # "A mouth." - 'God' to J.R.'BoB' Dobbsl
Newsgroups: soc.bi