From: RJKOPP@SUVM.BITNET
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.autism
Subject: Self-stimulation as self-therapy
Date: 26 Jan 93 16:25:34 GMT
              <AUTISM@SJUVM.BITNET>
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Lisa and others on the list,
   I did come out maybe sounding too permissive about stimming,  I guess it's
in reaction to people who have told us that any is bad, and quite a few at
times have said it!
   I think there are times when my daughter needs it. But it may be at times
or places that are in-appropriate and I would definitly not permit it then,
(give some other direction if need be).  So maybe I sounded alot more permissiv
than I actually am, its just hard to see that a kid sometimes is not being
allowed to do anything that may help them cope.  I have seen times when people
have tried to stop the stiming and they didn't realize that what they are
trying to get her to work on is the problem that is causing the stress that
causes her to want to self stim, in other words she is stiming to close out
the activity or direction they are giving, they needed to try a different
approach.  When I told them and they tried something else it was much easier
and it was therefore easier to prevent or stop the self stiming.

   As for telling my daughter that such behavior is not good and may not
be good in a situation, this will have no effect.  She likes the company of
people, and yet she doesn't totally seem to be able to stop behaviors that
will interfere with it.  There are times that we have also said we cannot do
such and such because of certain things, but it doesn't stop her from doing
them.  I think she may just becoming aware of it in some ways, because during
a concert last week there was another boy in the singing group that was rocking
back and forth on his feet and she seemed quite interested in him.  It's kind
of good because it gives us some indication that now she is aware of it in
other people, we never could be sure what she thought about it with with
herself, so now it's kind of a lever to try to talk to her about it with.

   Another thing is that my daughter at this time rarely does it in unappro-
priate situations, never at school, never in public and not in the house when
we have company.  It seems she is very aware of the fact that home is our
house, just as we are her parents as opposed to teachers and friends.
Actions are very different in different environs.  Now we are trying to
work on what is appropriate at home and in different areas of the house.

   I just think that when some people come off so hard against anything and
don't qualify it (such as inappropriate here, appropriate at home in private)
that it is like taking away someones way to cope.  Many parents I think would
take what I have been told by some, very literal and would not permit it
anywhere thus depriving the child of an easy way to vent frustration or to
calm down when they need to.  When things get difficult for the child they
may not be able to figure out the appropriate way to vent it and your trying
direct them at that point may make it worse if they need to vent it NOW.
When my daughter has hard times coping we often send her to her room to
calm down.  She gets used to this routine and it works, if we went up to stop
her from bouncing or rocking she would get alot more upset.

    I'm not so sure this is that much different that what you said, but
I don't know if I might be as hard on it as you.  But then again I think
my daughter is different in quite a few ways and different kids require
different direction, so we do what we feel is appropriate with her and
try to give her the opportunities to control some of her environment herself.
I'm not so sure I would need to be as hard to prevent inappropriate stuff
in public places, she understands that and rarely does, unless she is quite
sick.  Sometimes I find that the hardest things to show her is how some
situations at home with just us are different than other times at home with
just us.  Such as why being naked upstairs in her room after a bath is
more appropriate than in the living room.  We keep trying but so far I
haven't found the key to make our descriptions effective.  Rewards etc
also don't seem to work here either.  But then again anything we have developed
thus far has taken a while, eventualy it will come, it just takes time.
It's probably going to be like many other things that when she understands
it herself and accepts an explanation or reason, we'll never have to go
through it again.

   Well that's been alot more than I planned on typing but that's the way it
goes I guess.

Thanks,
Ray Kopp
Syracuse, New York
Internet:rjkopp@mailbox.syr.edu
Bitnet:RJKOPP@SUVM.BITNET
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