From: ramakris@gn.ecn.purdue.edu (Balaji Ramakrishnan)
Subject: What is Progress?
Organization: Purdue University Engineering Computer Network
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 23:46:40 GMT


What is Progress?

Having been a staunch follower of SCI for the past three years with my fingers
twitching to post I have always questioned myself - " What is Progress ?" 
Is progress identifying our mistakes or is progress correcting our mistakes. 
Finding fault doesn`t enrich the world. Sure we all have faults - man, woman, 
Indian , American. I am sure the message is clear. So then why is it that this
forum of which I am very much a part always restricts itself to finding faults.
Why are we always questioning what is right and what is wrong.  Isn't this all
very personal.  What I do is my very own choice.  Even a criminal has his or 
her own justifications.  

All of us can find faults.  How many can solve them? Are there any out there 
who can solve them.  Isn`t it futile to argue things like arranged marriage 
vs love marriages.  How come nobody in this group talks about the insecurity,
that one has to deal with in a love marriage.  How come no one talks of the 
deceit that can be packaged into an arranged marriage. Sure these are just 
specific cases.  But these do exist.  Indian men would rather go for an 
arranged marriage seems to be a general consensus of the IIW`s if I might 
use the abbreviation for saving my fingers some work and not as a derogatory
reference.  Why do Indian men prefer such an escape?  What are the reasons.
Can any one highlight them. Why cant people discuss them. If an innocent 
person posts to this net, he or she is ripped apart by the millions who 
just seem to be waiting to vent their frustrations on the rest of world. Sure 
the computer provide us a means to vent our frustrations.  But why subject 
an innocent person to one`s bitterness.  Why not spend that moment in thinking 
of something constructive something that would benefit everyone. Sure all of 
us make mistakes. How can we correct them?  Why is there a general lack of 
compassion in this group. Aren`t we all human beings?  Many of us hail from 
India. Does that make us better or worse as human beings.

Being from India from myself, I too have been affected by the way I was 
brought up.  I grew up in a society where men and women were not treated equal.
Madras where I grew up was the scion of conservatism.  I am proud that my 
views are open and I am ready to fight to change a lot of the practices 
i grew up with.  A lots of people have been treated unfairly in India. I am 
willing to fight for all of them irrespective of caste or creed. Are we all 
ready?  Why dont each of you ask yourself for your own satisfaction?  

I am going to address only the issues of marriage and the apparent inequality 
of sexes that has been the subject of discussion recently. I am sure there 
are many other issues to be discussed but I wont go into them for lack of 
time.  I am going to give a mans perspective and to be specific my perspective,
how does it matter what sex I am.  I too had my problems growing up.  I did 
feel it was unfair that women had separate seats reserved for them on the bus.
Why ? I could never explain to myself. I have seen old men standing in the bus 
with no one offering them the seat.  I have read a lot of articles on what 
happens in the buses and how women are illtreated. I sympathize with all those 
who had to undergo such experiences.  But then why is it that no one sympathized
with the old men who had to stand in the buses.  I have asked myself a million 
times why is it that young Indian women who grew up in the same environment 
such as me never got up to give up their seats to these old men.  Why did 
these women not fight for equality when it came to reservation in buses, 
in cinemas, in railway stations. The list is endless. Ofcourse I was mad when 
i was young and had to see such inequality all around me.  I cant forget that 
incident in the train when I was in the fifth grade. I entered the train and 
sat down next to a old woman.  She moved like fifteen away from immediately,
as if I was some strange creature from Mars. It made me feel like a creep. 
Ofcourse I immediately asked my mother to sit next to her and moved to the 
opposite seat.  [ How is one supposed to accept man and women are equal 
when people behave so weirdly].

Did/Do Indian women like the importance given to them by such practices? maybe 
some did and thats why they exist/existed.  I am not taking a dig at Indian 
women.  My point is that Indian women like men have an important role to play
in our society. I am glad to see many bold women rising up.  But I believe 
criticism doesn`t help in solving any problem.  Someone posted recently that 
most Indian men treat women as Devis or as sluts. Now does anyone know the 
reason for such narrow minded behaviour. Why is it that people who make such 
statements deem it unnecessary to find what the root of the problem is?  If 
someone can see the narrow-mindedness in another, wouldnt it be as easy to try 
and understand why such narrow-mindedness exists.  Its easy to say Indian 
men will not date.  Not every Indian man gets to meet a girl who will go out 
on a date with him.  Sometimes a man has to go through hours of agony and 
probably sometimes spend half his life in getting a date. I guess this is not 
so clear to some women.  

I feel both Indian men and women suffer from a lack of exposure to each other. 
Thats the root of the problem.  Maybe our moms and dads might think it 
inappropriate for us to be friends and share thoughts.  But that shouldnt 
stop us. If things have to improve then both the sexes have to mingle a lot 
more. Sure that will lead to a lot of problems initially.  Everyone grows 
out of the Devi/slut situation.  Its easy to call someone a DEvi or a slut
but in ones own mind its very difficult to hide the truth. People react 
differently when hurt.  A person is shaped by experience not by birth. Not 
all of us have same experiences. Why can`t we then be more compassionate and 
try to help each other.  No one can win an argument.  If each of us can 
communicate our thoughts well then I think it will be good only for us but 
also for others who are reading what we say.  

SCI happens to be a forum with a large subscription.  How come then there is 
so much chaos in this.  Why cant we all be more responsible as to what we say.
recently there has been an uproar on why people send personal mail.  Some 
feel that they  are being tyrannized by being subject to so much attention 
suddenly.  I know a lot of people who could contribute a lot to this forum 
who dont post on the net just because they feel that they dont want to deal 
with irresponsible people who would do things just on the spur of the moment 
without thinking of the consequences.  

Another think I dont understand is why people who have already formed their 
opinions even bother posting things on the net.  If someone says 'most indian
men treat women badly', it seems to me that he/she has already made up their 
mind. If the person really wanted to know whether what they think is the 
truth then they would have worded it differently.  Its so easy to be 
misinterpreted.  My sincere request to everyone would be to think before you 
post.  I hope we will all benefit from SCI in the long run.

								Balaji
p.s : feel free to find flaws in what I have expressed.  But remember if u 
find a fault be sure to present ur perspective.  Think before u flame. Sure 
I would like to become a better person. I will be thankful to those who will 
make me a better one.  Its an achievement for you if you can make me a better 
person.  By flaming me for your innate satisfaction you are not going to achieve
anything.


		  HAVE A NICE WEEKEND FOLKS!
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian