From: cstollen@meltdown.chi.il.us (Carolyn Stollen)
Newsgroups: alt.backrubs
Subject: Sex in Backrubs
Date: 6 Sep 92 14:51:54 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

Oh no.. what is the source of this perennial issue.
The base of it seems to be, if you touch me then you arouse
my genitals and I want to be made love to (discrete phrasing)
now and by you.

NONONONONO!  This is a weird culture that has their nervous
system hooked up so that the crotch is directly connected to
all of your skin.  (Except when a football player hits another
on his ass?)  Give it a break.  Consider this attitude both
rude and a disease to be cured.

It could come from the attitude that a man should be able 
socially force a woman to either NOT touch a man at all (highly
unlikely) or once she has, be practically obligated to sleep
(discrete phrasing) with him.  We all lose by the manipulative
structures that men of the Male Culture (and we all participate
in it from time to time, "all men, both male and female" as one
of the framers of the US Constitution wrote) have thought that
benefitted them.

I have done professional massage and quit.  American men cannot
(or do not, if you like the choice-vernacular) honor what I say
are my limits.  When I say "I do not do anything sexual."  I 
think that is clear.  Then they made appointments and pressed.
I lost respect for these men and this culture.  European men
might say, oh I am sorry, that is what I was looking for.  Then
I would polightly recommend another person to him, who was more
suited to what he wanted.  It isnt a moral issue.  It is an
issue of personal respect and choice.

I dont believe that we women are respected.  And if you p
that YOU are the exception and that you do.  Hmm, every con man
claims that he aint.  You might even believe it till the chips
are down and you get an advantage by exercising male power.
You know the culture; you know the language.

I am not judging.  I am describing.  I am not even offering a
suggestion for change in this.

I am suggesting that if one has SUCH a problem being afraid of
water then you would work on it by gradual desensitization.
The same with creating such a barrier to a male touch that 
you cannot experience it.  Perhaps you cannot give tenderness
if you dont feel the dominant one.  Perhaps you cant give 
tenderness at all and think it is the role of the other one,
errr, the female one.  

As an intermediate help, say you just are not willing to do
massage with men.  Try working on your tenderness by being
with infants and small children.  You must have a friend with
a child or could find one.  Learn to touch and not be afraid.
Take a healing course where you touch but dont move but you
do connect your energies.  

Hmm, this just slipped in as a place for an ad.  I teach this
kind of work.  I am a Reiki Master and can teach and initiate
people in Reiki Level I and Reiki Level II.  Ya'll come!

Rub your hands together and feel the energies between them.
Learn to move in slow ways.  Practice relaxing between movements.
Fall from the waist... and lift.  Play slow boring music.
Feel sensual all by yourself.  Abstain from masterbating for
a week.  Rub oil on your own body.  Learn your muscles.

Develop your sexual side in your life but for Mother Earth's
Sake develop your other side too.  (It has been established 
by scientific determination that each human being has 
precisely 81 sides.  Explore them all.)

Grins to all of you.
Harmony

.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
cstollen@meltdown.chi.il.us
"call me cookie!"
                            "All is my own Dream."         (TKR)
.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tell me yours. . . . . . . . . . . 
Newsgroups: alt.backrubs