HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Sleep vs. Dreams
Date: 30 Sep 92 10:20:51 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

In article <Bv9q9D.L2E@twwells.com>, anon-1002@twwells.com (scared) writes:
>Help. 
>Been having some trouble sleeping.....well actually going to sleep. Maybe
>going to bed is better said. I have been going through some rough times
>lately and find myself feeling very depressed. I won't go to bed until I
>can't stay awake any longer or I have to go to work and then I can't go to
>bed. I know this isn't any good for my nerves, but it's almost like I'm
>punishing myself, like I don't deserve to go to sleep. Stupid, huh? Anyway, I
>finally went to sleep today (I'm working a stint on nights so I sleep days)
>about 4:30 and had a dream in which I was molested by a friend's mother. I've
>never even met this friend's mother! This is a really good friend who knows
>that I'm in healing.
>
>Anyway, so much for an hour of sleep.
>Anyone else having dream problems? Sleep problems? I'm like a little kid who 
>just WON'T go to bed once I get to a certain point. After today's dream
>though, I really don't want to.

Goddess is this familiar.  It takes me a couple of hours of tossing and turning
to be able to sleep, usually.  (Now that I'm on medication, its beggining to
come easier though.)  For a while I used to hallucinate that my exSO was there
trying to hold me, when she in fact dumped me on my ass...  Or Nightmares of
being there when others has nightmares and woke up screaming.  Or...

+--------------------------------------------------+-------------------------+
|Krikket              | krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us | USnail: 3 Danada Sq. E. !
|a.k.a Doug Krick     |NOTICE: Your Milage May Vary|   Suite 246             !
|Data # 708/665-9732  | #include<std.disclaimers>  |   Wheaton, Il 60187     !
+--------------------------------------------------+-------------------------+
|                What God wants, God gets, God help us all!                  |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: just in case
Date: 2 Oct 92 00:21:27 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

><Deleted for bandwidth>
>like i said before: i'm sick of this fucking shit. Why'd they do it to
>me. I don't wanna play this game anymore....
>
>
>Jasmyne
>like it matters anyhow but i thought i would post..just in case

It matters.  I'm glad you posted.  I may not have any thoughts/comments/etc to
say about this, because I'm in the same boat and thinking the same things... 
But neither of us are alone out there...

+--------------------------------------------------+-------------------------+
|Krikket              | krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us | USnail: 3 Danada Sq. E. !
|a.k.a Doug Krick     |NOTICE: Your Milage May Vary|   Suite 246             !
|Data # 708/665-9732  | #include<std.disclaimers>  |   Wheaton, Il 60187     !
+--------------------------------------------------+-------------------------+
|                What God wants, God gets, God help us all!                  |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: um, so much for mourning...
Date: 4 Oct 92 08:27:54 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

In article <1992Oct2.005157.22317@spdcc.com>, dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer)
writes:
>Maybe I'm missing something, but I have to admit that I am stunned and
>baffled by the almost complete silence to the news of Karla's death
>other than a one day period of comments of the type "we'll miss you,
>Karla--e-hugs wherever you happen to be now".  I mean, it's not as if
>she moved out of state.  Saying nothing isn't enough.

What is enough?  I just don't know what to say, so I'm silent.  This is also
why I've *NOT* responded to quite a few of the posts to ASAR as of late.  My
brain has stopped, and I lack words.  Not that I don't care.

>Also, does anyone know what happened?  Was this suicide?  An accident?
>Some disease?  Learning this won't help her, but it might be valuable
>to others here, and not simply as morbid curiosity.  This absence of
>comments seen strikes me as terribly blase, and horribly fatalistic;
>rather out of character of the aims of the group.  (Which is not to
>comment on what HAS been said--those comments are only remarkable in
>a context where NOTHING ELSE has appeared.)

Someone out there is going to flame me for this, so I apologize in advance if I
offend anyone, for that is not my intent.  I just don't know another way of
saying this...

A couple days ago, I quoted poohbear who said something like "it's the nature
of the net."  All too true.  But comments are made elsewhere.  People were
pointing out via Email that she died, and many people here are greiving, trying
to use anything as an excuse to keep me from pulling the trigger...

That comment feels like a two-edged sword (without a handle), but it's the only
way I know how to say that, so forgive me...

>Even if we admit that we ultimately have no final control over what
>happens to others, someone's death in a community, even an electronic
>one, is noteworthy.  And if we can learn from that or simply express
>our sorrow, that's good too.

yup...

+--------------------------------------------------+-------------------------+
|Krikket              | krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us | USnail: 3 Danada Sq. E. !
|a.k.a Doug Krick     |NOTICE: Your Milage May Vary|   Suite 246             !
|Data # 708/665-9732  | #include<std.disclaimers>  |   Wheaton, Il 60187     !
+--------------------------------------------------+-------------------------+
|                What God wants, God gets, God help us all!                  |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: ideas for help--intamacy
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Sat, 26 Sep 1992 03:28:14 GMT

lines9933@iscsvax.uni.edu writes:

>Dear reader,
>     In the last couple of days, I have been having some problems.  I have had
>many flashbacks.  One came on last night when my fiancee' and I were having an
>intimate moment.  I dreamt that she was the perpratrator (Asshole) and I nearly
>hurt her.  This scared me very much. I was afraid that I would ruin her night,
>because she and I had been planning this night all week. Today I feel really
>guilty about the way that I reacted.  Why did I react this Way?

try not to feel guilty.  guilt oversomething that wasn't your fault isn't going
to help anything.  i know that it isn't easy to "logic" away feelings of guilt,
but it really wasn't your fault.  flashbacks are a normal part of the healing
process; in fact, they often mark the beginning of one's active healing.  just
make your fiancee' aware that they can happen, and what she should do if they
do.  flashbacks are nothing to be ashamed of.

>     I just wonder why is it so hard for me to engage in intimate things some
>times.  I mean, I feel like I am letting my abuse take over some of the
>pleasures of life.  Is this normal after being abused?

yes, very normal.  for men as well as women.  if your first intimate
experiences in life were ones in which you were being abused, it is completely
understandable that you would have bad associations with intimate behavior.  

>I mean I could
>understand it if it was a guy that I was with, but not being gay I do not think
>that I would be intimate with a guy.  You see I was abused by a guy older than
>me.  I just want to get better.
>     I am taking steps to get better. Please reply if you have any ideas on how
>to help.
>                                                 m.

well, wanting to get better is a damn fine first step.  the healing process is
long and complicated; i can't give it a proper treatise here.  but in general,
you should realize that your abuse has affected the way you react to things.
you need to find out how it has affected you, and decide whether the ways you
currently react are things that need to change or not.  then work on changing
the behaviors you aren't happy with.  your abuse wasn't your fault.  i get the
feeling, though, that you blame yourself (at least somewhat) for it.  if that's
true, general consensus would be that this is something you need to work on.

anyway, take care.  i hope this has been helpful.  i know it's been vague.  i
would suggest that you read the FAQ list for this group.  it covers a lot of
survivor's issues in great detail.  you can wait till the first of the month
for it to be posted, or you can ftp it from milton.u.washington.edu in the
public/asar directory.

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: Request
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 14:32:27 GMT

In article <krikket.9533@meltdown.chi.il.us> krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick) writes:
>Also, I seem to remember a way for people to post to ASAR via Email...  Does
>anyone out there know how to do this?  (Or should Email just be sent to one of
>the Anon posting services and let them forward the stuff?)
>

You're probably thinking of alt-sexual-abuse-recovery@ucbvax.ucb.edu.
This is not an anonymous service, although I think one of the
anonymous services (Ed's?) uses it.

Holly
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)     
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower)
Subject: Re: mpd
Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand.
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 23:12:28 GMT

In article <1992Sep30.213456.24153@unislc.uucp> erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:
>Bones (anon-1005@twwells.com) wrote:
>
>: I'm also multiple but not due to cult abuse.  Do any of you have
>
>Uh, "cult abuse"?  I wasn't aware that this was at all the case - the stats
>I've seen say that "cult abuse" and such are very rare, except in the minds
>of those who either have an axe to grind or have something to gain from running
>around screaming "The Satanists are everywhere!"
>-- 

There was *at least* one woman last year on asar, who was working on
recovering from extensive cult abuse.  She spoke extensively of what
happened to her and the effects on her.  Regardless of the true
incidence of actual culture abuse, it *does* happen. 

Ed, these people need support, not ridicule based on your implication
that it is so rare, that they are probably making it up!

Also, even if the objective truth is that the real problem is
something else, they still need to be encouraged to talk out their
perceptions in a suportive manner.

At no stage have I read anything on asar which even hinted at a
suggestion that *all* or most MPD was caused by cult abuse, maybe I
missed a post which did.  This post indicates to me that the person
who posted probably knows of at least one person who has, or possible
talked to someone who has that idea.


Gavin
-- 
Tomorrow's Society                              | flower_g@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
    Depends on                                   ----------------------------
Today's Children  - help us raise them properly! 
*******  These comments have no known correlation with dept. policy!  *******
From: anon-1217@twwells.com (Adam)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Sleep vs. Dreams
Date: 30 Sep 92 13:38:40 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


Subject: Re: Sleep vs. Dreams

>Suki (blaze@westmark.Stanford.EDU) wrote:
>
>: If all else fails....  A friend just recommended to me a homeopathic
>: medicine (I don't like taking sleeping pills) that he swears is excellent.
>: It's called Chamomilla (30X) and it is for sleeplessness and irritability.
>: You should be able to find it in any local health store.  Good luck>
>
>It's also marketed as Chamomile tea.  Celestial Seasonings puts out a tea
>called "Sleepytime" that has chamomile in it - it puts me out like a light :)
>BTW, chamomile is good for soothing nerves, relaxing you, and helping you
>sleep.  *Much* better than Sominex... <yuck>

One note of caution here.  If you suffer from airborn pollen allergies,
as I do, you might get the unfortunate side effect of a lot of nasal
congestion after drinking Chamomile tea.  Also, it can be a strong
diuretic, precipitating a middle-of-the-night trip to the bathroom.

However, before my allergies reached their current state, I used to
drink it occasionally, and can verify its soothing and relaxing
qualities.

>-- 
>Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
>"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
>happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
>and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"

Adam





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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fsacp@acad3.alaska.edu
Subject: Strange Realizations!
Organization: University of Alaska Fairbanks
Date: Sun, 27 Sep 1992 02:34:33 GMT

Hi all,
  I'm in the process of filling out an intake survey for my therapist, we had
done 1 when I first started with her, but then last Wednesday I mentioned to
her that my parents are alcoholics and so am I. 
   Well I was looking at the questions and they have everything from describe
your first sexual experience to how often do you masturbate and what do you
fantacize about?
  I haven't filled in the first experience part, it was abuse I know that much,
I'm kinda scared to answer that one.  When I got to the part about the
fantacizing I put down that I fantacize about my abuse.  As sick as that
sounds, it's true.  I was telling my husband this and he said to me "You left
the abuse physically but you haven't left it emotionally!

What I was wondering was if anyone else has experienced this!
Send me E-mail or put a post up on here if you have or else just send some
support, I'm trying to admit to myself and educate myself on Codependence,
because Art told me that he's afraid that if I don't start getting better with
the co-dependence, he's going to leave me and take Aaron with him!
I'm pretty scared right now!
Jay
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Request
Date: 2 Oct 92 20:54:13 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

Hiho everyone again...

In Email I got a request from a user who can't post directly to ASAR to make a
public request.

A week or so ago an anon user posted a list of things to help SO's.  This was a
WONDERFUL post, that I unfortunately accidentally deleted off my hard drive,
before printing out.  (And the user who Emailed me also wants it, to give to
someone else who requested it!)

If anyone out there has a copy of this sitting around, PLEASE repost it, or
forward it to me via E-Mail!

Also, I seem to remember a way for people to post to ASAR via Email...  Does
anyone out there know how to do this?  (Or should Email just be sent to one of
the Anon posting services and let them forward the stuff?)

Thanks in advance!

+--------------------------------------------------+-------------------------+
|Krikket              | krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us | USnail: 3 Danada Sq. E. !
|a.k.a Doug Krick     |NOTICE: Your Milage May Vary|   Suite 246             !
|Data # 708/665-9732  | #include<std.disclaimers>  |   Wheaton, Il 60187     !
+--------------------------------------------------+-------------------------+
|                What God wants, God gets, God help us all!                  |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer)
Subject: um, so much for mourning...
Organization: S.P. Dyer Computer Consulting, Cambridge MA
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1992 00:51:57 GMT

Maybe I'm missing something, but I have to admit that I am stunned and
baffled by the almost complete silence to the news of Karla's death
other than a one day period of comments of the type "we'll miss you,
Karla--e-hugs wherever you happen to be now".  I mean, it's not as if
she moved out of state.  Saying nothing isn't enough.

Also, does anyone know what happened?  Was this suicide?  An accident?
Some disease?  Learning this won't help her, but it might be valuable
to others here, and not simply as morbid curiosity.  This absence of
comments seen strikes me as terribly blase, and horribly fatalistic;
rather out of character of the aims of the group.  (Which is not to
comment on what HAS been said--those comments are only remarkable in
a context where NOTHING ELSE has appeared.)

Even if we admit that we ultimately have no final control over what
happens to others, someone's death in a community, even an electronic
one, is noteworthy.  And if we can learn from that or simply express
our sorrow, that's good too.

-- 
Steve Dyer
dyer@ursa-major.spdcc.com aka {ima,harvard,rayssd,linus,m2c}!spdcc!dyer
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer)
Subject: Re: a question and comments
Organization: S.P. Dyer Computer Consulting, Cambridge MA
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 04:02:24 GMT

In article <BvIsvy.EHp@twwells.com> anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne) writes:
>i was recently put on an anti-depressant called Zoloft...
>has anyone heard of this? good/bad experiences?

It works in a very similar way to Prozac; it hangs around in the body
for a shorter time than Prozac, which makes dosage adjustments a bit
easier.  It's like Prozac in that many people find it works well with
very few side effects.  It also may be useful for treating obsessive-
compulsive disorders.  So, it's good stuff mostly.

>i'm heading back to classes on Mon...i've been out since Monday last....
>i didn't leave my room for about 3 days...and i lost about 8-10lbs due
>to not really eating....
>only cut myself once through it all..pretty good i guess....
>well that's my update..

Good luck and keep us posted.

-- 
Steve Dyer
dyer@ursa-major.spdcc.com aka {ima,harvard,rayssd,linus,m2c}!spdcc!dyer
From: lmann@jjmhome.UUCP (Laurie Mann)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Stuck Stuff...
Date: 27 Sep 92 12:33:50 GMT
Distribution: alt

I'm still at a weird place with all this.  It's frustrating.  I want to
be able to let go (not forget, but not be so driven by it) of the abuse
issues, but I still feel surrounded by them.

I know I've transferred much of the rage towards my grandfather to the
local minister, now serving time in prison for rape.  He was convicted
months ago, and I've avoided all contact with the church since then.
But, about two weeks ago a local paper published a series of really
demoralizing articles about how the churches he was involved in still
don't want to believe that he did what he did.  So I've been writing
letters, urging that the person be defrocked (or whatever the Unitarian
equivalent of that is---this will apparently be decided next month), and
trying to deal openly with the denial that the congregations still seem
to be engaged in.

What really troubles me is how the denial must affect abused people,
especially children, who go to those churches.  The message that "You
can never talk about this" is being reinforced constantly.  The people
who supported the young woman who brought the charges have basically
been pushed aside.  And at least one of the replacement ministers wrote
this incredibly tacky letter explaining how she couldn't take a stand on
the situation.  I wrote her back, reminding her that her predescessor
was serving time in jail for rape, and yet she couldn't condemn that?
He's not "merely accused," HE'S BEEN CONVICTED!!!

<sigh>

Anyway, I am resuming therapy.  I am going out to buy a punching bag
today.

(Hi, Pete, nice to see you back here.)

*  NeXT: lmann@vineland.pubs.stratus.com * GEnie:  Laurie.Mann  *
**** Vote to can George and Dan! **  Vote for CHANGE in 1992!****
***** "Hollywood still doesn't get it." Dan Quayle, 9/21/92 *****
* "No Dan, YOU still don't get it."  American Voters, Fall 1992 *
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: bob@reed.edu (Robert Ankeney)
Subject: Re: Adult Male Recovery
Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 15:56:31 GMT


Adam -

     Odd, but I was just writing this morning about that feeling of
"specialness".  Not only did I feel special for the attention (despite
how horrible it was), but I used it as a source of self-esteem.  That
I was singled out for their "special" attention.  Bleh.  One other thing
I realized is that I also use it as a source of denial!  I look in the
mirror and think "I'm not so special", therefore it couldn't have
happened.  There's a lot of conflict I still have to sort through.

     Robert

-- 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Robert Ankeney                 | "Yield and overcome.                |
...!tektronix!reed!bob         |  Bend and be straight.              |
...!tektronix!bob@reed.EDU     |  Empty and be full."    - Lao Tzu   |
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anonymus+322@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (poohbear)
Subject: great sadness
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 05:26:26 GMT


why is everyone hating each other all of a sudden?
there is no need to run away.  why don't you who need to just 
take a break and not read for a while?  it is very very very
sad for me to read that people will leave forever and have
unsubscribed and think this group is hurtful.
for some reason it made me cry.  that is very unusual.  I  
usually can't cry.  it took me by surprise.  i realized how
shocked i was that people were so upset, then i got sad
about it, and the next thing i knew i was crying.

i guess part of me feels like we are gettin gpunished for speaking
out.  we as in asar people, not lots of me's.  i do not know what
to tell you except that i know no one here is truly destructive and
is trying to hurt others.  

i think it is ok to post flammable material.  i think it is ok for
others to ignite it.  isn't it understood that we all care about
each other, or at least about the process of getting better?

i'm sorry if this sounds super granola-fruity "let's all love
each other."  i just think maybe we should get less caught
up in being permanently upset with each other or with asar on 
the whole.

it makes me very sad.  i do see beauty here, as i said.
i hope some others can.
poohbear
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From: anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
Subject: to Michael (m&m)
Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1992 07:29:43 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


Jasmyne gives you a great big hug!
I know......



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