From: lf@barkley.berkeley.edu (LexicographicalFiend)
Newsgroups: alt.romance.chat
Subject: Re: Big trouble.
Date: 27 Jul 92 06:02:10 GMT
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
NNTP-Posting-Host: barkley.berkeley.edu
In-reply-to: ins499y@aurora.cc.monash.edu.au's message of Mon, 27 Jul 1992 02:57:00 GMT

DPeet moans:
>I'm in trouble.

ooooooh...

>Big trouble.

OOOOOOH...

>Big big BIG trouble.  The kind of trouble _so_ big it'll WHAP! you 
>upsidethehead even if you just lookatitfunny.

Well, whaddaya expect?  If you LookedAtMeFunny, *I'd* WHAP! you
UpsideTheHead and DownsideTheFanny too!  8-)

>What have I done?  I've violated my Three Cardinal Rules Of Romance.

Rules *kill* Romance.  *Guidelines* help it along...and I hope you see
the difference between the two (ie. flexibility).

>1.  I vowed to never get into a relationship with someone where the
>fallout, either from the relationship itself, or from the breakup,
>would create hassles.  That counts out my sister's friends, my
>friends' sisters, and any of my dad's friends' daughters.

Unless your relationships have a tendency to break up coz your
PartnerForTheMoment thinks you're a righteous sh*thead, I see no
reason why you should have to limit your choice of romantic partners
this way.  In fact, it's advantageous, since it'll be easier to find
out about her (and vice versa) than if you were seeing a perfect
stranger.

>2.  I vowed never to get involved with someone Asian (I'm from
>Malaysia, originally -- migrated 11yrs ago) because either my dad
>would know her parents (he has a lot of school and business contacts
>back home), my mom would know her parents (she too has teaching
>contacts back home), or she'd have to leave after fininshing her
>course (I don't believe in LDRs).

Speaking as a Singaporean about to return home after 4 years abroad:

(a) Parents are *good* people to have on your side...unless you intend
    to have premarital sex or something else they're likely to frown
    upon.  This way, they'll more likely to trust you during your
    dates with their daughters, since they know your parents.  Their
    *daughters* are also more likely to trust you, once you've gained
    their parents' respect.

(b) LDRs aren't for everybody, but it's not exceedingly difficult to
    make them work.  The important thing is that both parties have to
    want to make it work.

>3.  Most importantly, never fall in love with a friend.  Ever.
>Full stop.

Huh?  Falling in love with a person you hardly know is a *very* risky
proposition.  I would think friendship is a *prerequisite* for
RealRomance...or am I missing something here?

>And what have I done?  Fallen for my dad's college friend's daughter.
>AAAAAAAARGH!

So did I...

>And she's an overseas student, due to finish in 8 months (and leave
>for Singapore!).  AAAAAAAARGH!

So did she...well, she finished over a year ago...

>_And_ we've been good friends for almost 3 years now.  AAAAAAAAARGH!

4, and while it didn't work out, we parted amicably.  The best part of
it all is...*both* parents seem to approve of me, and I've been
talking to both of them on a semi-regular basis.  If *that* doesn't
get me off to a good start for a second try, I don't know what does.

>But, believe it or not, I don't really care.....  I'm just basking in
>the feeling of being attracted to each other.  *goofy grin*
>And I'd forgotten how good it feels to be held, and to feel loved.
>*goofier grin*

Hey, you're better off than I ever was.  We never even *held* each
other...all I have right now are bittersweet memories (more sweet than
bitter, of course 8-).

>My dad has been appointed UnOfficial Guardian whilst she's studying here.
>I can just imagine the look on his face when he finds out......
>He is just going to _freak_ out!

Then again, he might not...*my* parents didn't freak when they found
out about Amelia and me...

>Oh, man.  Just don't tell me to break it off.  We've both wanted this to
>happen for a while now, we were just unsure about each other's feelings.
>All that time wasted.  Never mind.  I just hope we can keep this low-key
>enough for it to escape my parent's attention.....

Now *that's* a sure-fire recipe for disaster.  Trying to hide a
romance from your parents...well, they're gonna be asking some pretty
tough questions when they find out...

My advice:

Talk to your parents about it.  Find out exactly how they feel about
your romancing their friend's daughter.  Tell them how you feel about
her.  You may be surprised how supportive they might be, and what
valuable advice they might give you...

G'luck...'n g'lovin...8-)

Lexi(WhatTheHellAmITalkingAbout?)Fiend