HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ivan@erich.triumf.ca (Ivan D. Reid)
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
Subject: Re: Problems with '77 Suzuki GS550
Date: 17 Dec 1992 09:58 PST
Organization: TRIUMF: Tri-University Meson Facility
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: erich.triumf.ca
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    

In article <1992Dec17.140648.6939@fwi.uva.nl>, ehaas@fwi.uva.nl (Erik de Haas (AIO)) writes...
> 
> 
>Hi,
> 
>I have some problems with my 1977 suzuki GS550. I hear some strange 'tikking'
>when I am driving. The noise and the frequency of the noise increase when I 
>accelerate. This fenomenon started about 4 months ago and it is getting worse.
	Hey I had one of them too!  Only time I had noise from the engine was
when some #$%#*@! mechanic who was more used to Hondas screwed in the lock
screw on the cam chain adjuster so that it lost that automatic function.  I had
about 55 Mm* on the clock when I sold it (left the country :-() and no more
problems once I'd heard it & fixed it.  I'm not sure I'd describe the noise
from a loose cam chain as "ticking", but it's a possibility.  There's a very
simple way to check the tensioner operation; mail me if your friend doesn't
know how.

* This is an unusual unit especially designed to confuse "GetABike" Ed.

Ivan Reid, Paul Scherrer Institute, CH.     			ivan@cvax.psi.ch
GSX600F, RG250WD.	SI=2.66     "You Porsche. Me pass!"	DoD #484
From: vlj@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Victor Johnson)
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 20:36:29 GMT
Subject: Re: Durability
Organization: Dances with Hawks
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles

In rec.motorcycles, johnsw@wsuvm1.csc.wsu.edu (William E. Johns) writes:

> Why are bikes and cars so incredibly fragile?   

  Given how well they do with dweeb owners that give them poor or no
  maintenance, I think they are rather robust systems.

> I mean, we would like to think that if we could get our bike or car, any
> bike or any car, to say, 100,000 miles, without major problems we are   
> having a near mystical experience in reliability.  Bullshit.  At an 
> average of 50 mph, 100,000 miles is only 2000 hours of operation.   
> That's nothing compared to the reliability of many mechanical systems.  

  So, are said systems being started/stopped in temparature ranges from
  -50 F to 120 F while being subjected to vibration, high G forces, water,
  sand, dirt, ice, salt, crashes, etc. and being fed all manner of swill
  fluids?  Unlikely.

  Cheers,
  Victor "Dances with MTBF" Johnson
  ---------------------------------
From: garyb@lclark.edu (Gary Bliefernich)
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
Subject: Re: Sport Bikes
Keywords: Spam
Date: 15 Dec 92 22:53:38 GMT
Article-I.D.: lclark.1992Dec15.225338.26805
Distribution: usa
Organization: Lewis & Clark College, Portland OR

tjohnson@anyway.UUCP (Tod Johnson (617) 275-1800 x2317) writes:

>I really wanted to know. So I looked up the word Sport in the dictionary.
>Here is what it said....
>
>   "To shoot out as liquid through a pipe; projecting tube or pipe for
>    pouring liquid. A tube or pipe for leading off rain from a roof."

I don't know what dictionary we was using, but mine shows the above descrip-
tion for the word "spout" not "sport".

"Sport" is defined as:

	An activity or pastime; a specific diversion such as athletics or
	hunting. To play or show off, of or relating to, or appropriate
	for sports.

Using "THIS" difinition the term "sport" is most definitely appropriate
for "sportbikes"./gb
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
From: fist@iscp.Bellcore.COM (Richard Pierson)
Subject: Re: Neat AGV helmet on TV (I wish... list)
Reply-To: fist@iscp.Bellcore.COM (Richard Pierson)
Organization: Bell Communications Research (Bellcore)
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 17:09:16 GMT

Active suppression ear muffs have been used by shooters
for a while (if we're talking about the same thing) the
muffs have an amplifier that "cuts out" above a certain
db level and then amplifies again once the ambient noise
drops below the set level. They are expensive, in the area
of $160.00 a pair and wont fit under a helmet (not even a
Combat helmet). Now if you are talking about noise cancelling
muffs where a noise pattern that is 90 deg out of phase is
generated thereby cancelling out the incoming, those I have
never seen
-- 
##########################################################
There are only two types of ships in the NAVY; SUBMARINES 
                 and TARGETS !!!
#1/XS1100LH	#2/10/10/92
Richard Pierson E06584 vnet: [908] 699-6063
Internet: fist@iscp.bellcore.com,|| UUNET:uunet!bcr!fist  
#include <std.disclaimer> My opinions are my own!!!
I Don't shop in malls, I BUY my jeans, jackets and ammo
in the same store.
From: car377@druhi.ATT.COM (RogersC)
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
Subject: Re: Sport Bikes
Summary: Dangerous Christmas Presents
Date: 16 Dec 92 17:16:05 GMT

In article <1992Dec15.210217.3545@elektro.cmhnet.org>, charlie@elektro.cmhnet.org (Charlie Smith) writes:
> In article <1gjnbsINNla7@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> aas7@po.CWRU.Edu (Andrew A. Spencer) writes:
> >
> >In a previous article, tjohnson@anyway.prime.com (Tod Johnson 617) 275-1800 x2317) says:
> >
> >>taking advantage of the American people. First the Chia Pet, now this.
> 
> No, no, no.  What he really did was spell it with a U instead of an O,
> He had SP_U_RT instead of SP_O_RT <!>

Am I the only one who noticed the oblique reference to the infamous
"Chia Pet" in Tod's posting?  The appearance of this apparently unrelated
topic in otherwise impenetrable gibberish piqued my curiosity, so in the
tradition of the clever and wise Inspector Clouseau, I rented a three-wheeled
pizza delivery vehicle, disquised myself as a testosterone-ridden teen-ager,
and drove slowly past Tod's place, pretending to look for non-existent
house numbers, whilst carefully scrutinizing the trash cans at each residence.
Sure enough, when I approached Tod's House, I discerned the unmistakable
evidence that several readings of Tod's latest posting convinced me 
I would find: the remains of the packaging material for the dread 
"Chia Brain" Home Lobotomy Kit (Just Add Water).  Apparently, Christmas 
came early at Tod's House this year.  

:-)
Happy Holidays All, 
Chuck Rogers
car377@druhi.att.com
From: crowder@epcot.spdc.ti.com (Mark Crowder)
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
Subject: Re: new biker story : Katy meets a Volvo
Date: 14 Dec 92 19:22:54 GMT
Organization: TI Semiconductor Process and Design Center

In article <BD.92Dec14072611@fluent.UUCP> bd%fluent@dartmouth.EDU writes:
>mjs@sys.uea.ac.uk (Mike Sixsmith) writes:
>
>>Here's an email that I just got from Katy, who's just started
>>riding bikes...I did warn her to watch out for volvos....
>>
>>>From : cpc865::e190       "Katy Sinka"
>>>To : A022
>>>Subject : fucking volvo 
>>
>>>(no stars today to blank out the rudest 'uc' bit)
>>>I can only presume that the blind spot on a volvo
>>>is 360 degrees...since this bloke turned right in
>>>front of me (off a side road onto the main one
>>>where I was)...no i tella lie...he turned right into me
>>>...if i hadn't been watching him i would be squashed
>>>by now...i had to steer right out in to the other carriageway
>>>as the only way to avoid being hit...couldn't brake as he would hit
>>>me...bastard...luckily the lada riva (i think it was) coming the
>>>other way was watching what was happening and slowed right
>>>down so i could get back on my side of the road 
>>
>>>this could have been really nasty AND HE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
>>
>>>(shitbag)
>>
>>>my rude word are coming out today
>>>i haven't spoken to anyone out loud yet
>>>this email is my first communication
>>>(so you get the swear words)
>>>bloody bloody bloody
>>>hate 'em
>>>angry snogs
>>>Katy
>>
>>Anyone out there got any words of wisdom for Katy?

  I've found that if you flash your high-beam when the cager in
question looks your way, this doesn't happen as often.  Just
because they've looked your way doesn't mean they've *seen* 
you.  Sometimes they don't even look, though, in which case
you just have to assume they're gonna do something stupid.

Mark Crowder  "I'm sorry my karma ran over your dogma"  crowder@spdc.ti.com 
Dallas, Tx                    88 BMW R100RS         Texas Instruments, Inc.
"If at first you don't succeed, try again.  Then quit.  No use being a 
 damn fool about it."  -- W.C. Fields
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
From: jeq@i88.isc.com (Jonathan E. Quist)
Subject: Re:  What's a click?
Organization: INTERACTIVE Systems Corporation, Naperville, IL
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 17:54:23 GMT

In article <1992Dec16.082737.1381@galaxy.gov.bc.ca> bclarke@galaxy.gov.bc.ca writes:
>In article <1gnjkbINNlcs@seven-up.East.Sun.COM>, egreen@East.Sun.COM (Ed Green - Pixel Cruncher) writes:
>> In article 32557@acs.ucalgary.ca, parr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Charles Parr) writes:
>>>
>>>BTW, Cops estimated he hit me with a closure of 25km per hour,
>>>I'd guess he must have been doing 80-100clicks, since I was 100ft
>> 
>> This metric stuff is confusing enough, do you have to mix it up with
>> normal measurements?  What's a click, km/hr?  Why didn't you say that
>  ^^^^^
>> the first time?
>> 
>> ---
>> Ed Green, former Ninjaite |I was drinking last night with a biker,
>
>Normal to you. Most countries use metric. 'Clicks' is an expression I use and
>hear all the time, although usually I've seen it spelled as 'Klicks'.

Strictly speaking, though, "klick" refers to distance, not speed.
So the above is semantically equivalent to saying "Fenstemaker was going
105 miles when he passed the radar speed trap" instead of "...was going 105
miles per hour...".


ObEdBashing:  Didn't you ever watch the old John Wayne war movies?  The
Duke always talked in klicks...  (Of course, he never did serve in the
military...)
-- 
Jonathan E. Quist                              INTERACTIVE Systems Corporation
jeq@i88.isc.com  '71 CL450-K4 "Gleep", DoD #094        Naperville, IL
        There are many things a person should experience in a lifetime.
       Among them are an infant's first cry, and an infant's first laugh.
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
From: neal@cmptrc.lonestar.org (Neal Howard)
Subject: Re: Radar Gun For Sale
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 23:38:47 GMT
Organization: CompuTrac Inc., Richardson TX

In article <1700@tekgen.bv.tek.com> tkpowell@tekgen.bv.tek.com (Terry Powell) writes:
>->
>->Nope :^), I'm one of the few drivers around here who TRY to get out of the
>->way of speeding vehicles. It's just that there are lots of cage squids
>->nowadays absolutely FLYING down I35 (over 100mph) in extremely heavy
>->traffic.  I've been almost hit several times now by these guys. I finally
>->quit riding down I35 and now go up 281.
>
>
>Its really hard for me to believe there are lots of cages traveling over
>100mph down any road in America, especially one that is heavily used.  Me
>thinks you are exaggerating.  Sounds like you need to pay more attention

He's not joking about 100+ mph on I35 in Texas. It's commonly refered to as
the "Texas Autobahn" by those of us who travel it regularly. Along most lengths
of it, if you don't drive at least 75, you're liable to get rear-ended. If you
still don't believe us, them come down here and go for a test drive, especially
from Temple, down thru Austin to San Antonio on a Friday or Saturday night.   

As to the "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT", it's never enforced when you need it
to be down here in Texas, consequently you'll find the morons going 55 in the
left lane (in 65mph zones) while the leadfoot cagers are blasting down the right
lane at anywhere between 75 and 125.
-- 
=============================================================================
Neal Howard   '91 XLH-1200      DoD #686      CompuTrac, Inc (Richardson, TX)
	      doh #0000001200
         "Let us learn to dream, gentlemen, and then perhaps
          we shall learn the truth." -- August Kekule' (1890)
=============================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
From: tomes@iastate.edu ()
Subject: Re: Thanks all!  (was Widder Address)
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames, IA
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 19:23:13 GMT

In article <1992Dec17.041803.813@pages.com> bigdog!jon (Jon Wright) writes:
> writes
>> In article <1992Dec14.212302.1@acfcluster.nyu.edu>  
>mullignj@acfcluster.nyu.edu writes:
>> >
>> >Perfect Tommy: "But why do I have to give her my jacket?"
>> >Buckaroo Banzai: "Because you're perfect."
>> 
>> Perfect Tommy: "You have a point, there."
>> 
>> notice the hack setup used by the evil doctor in the failed attempt at 
>> bridging the dimensional barrier.... could be a symbolic statement of the  
>evil
>> nature of perverting a legitimate moto to three wheeled operation.
>> 
>> Buckaroo Banzai: "I've been ionized.  But I'm all right now."
>> 
>> CP "Chuck the Merciless" Tomes
>> Killer of Red Lectroids, Keeper of the Truth of Buckaroo
>> 
>
>Dude, think you're stuck in the 8th Dimension?  You should check out this  
>place... (see "organization" above)

I know.  But I am automatically paranoid around people (?) named Jon...

CP "Chuck the Merciless" Tomes
"Die monkey-boys!!"

Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
From: madhatta@plume.mit.edu (Tom Yates)
Subject: Re: correction on New Biker
Organization: CMPO at MIT
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 15:26:13 GMT

In article <BzErFq.DJ9@javelin.sim.es.com> blgardne@javelin.sim.es.com writes:
>Stafford@Vax2.Winona.MSUS.EDU (John Stafford) writes:
>>Diana Boyd (dboyd@informix.com) wrote:
>
>>> [...] every once in awhile you'll pass a car smoldering away, surrounded
>>> by fire engines, on the side of the hiway. How does that happen?
>
>>Former Hard-core Yammabago riders who became disenchanted with small
>>vehicles have formed rogue 'firemen' gangs who pursue cagers-without-
>>a-clue and set fire to them.
>
>And in future years, these "firemen" will move on from cars and take to
>burning books.

too late, blaine, it's already documented.

the book?  Interstate 451.

tom DoD#0135 madhatta@teaparty.mit.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: chappell@symcom.math.uiuc.edu (Glenn Chappell)
Subject: Re: Jesus and Chanukah
Organization: Math Dept., University of Illinois at Urbana/Champaign
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 12:50:10 GMT

In article <1992Dec13.024110.24973@galileo.cc.rochester.edu> bfoo_ltd@uhura.cc.rochester.edu (Brian E. Foont) writes:
>In article <1992Dec12.180450.1@jaguar.uofs.edu> dfm2@jaguar.uofs.edu writes:
>>Ive been noticing this strangely placed argument over what holidays Christ
>>celebrated...
>>He did NOT celebrate Channukah.  Christ is older than that. Not all Jewish
>>holidays date back to ancient history
>>He did NOT celebrate Christmas, even as his birthday.  Christmas is NOT
>>Christs' birthday, it is just a remembrance of his birth, but it does not
>>correspond to his date of birth.
>>The bible does list several traditional holidays he DID celebrate, 
>>most especially the feast of booths, passover, etc.
>>now please, no more discussion on this.
>
>While this is inappropriate to rec.humor this fellow is a JOKE of a
>historian.  Jesus according to all estimates was born after year 0.
>The story of Chanukah took place prior to 353 BCE, and as a celebration
>was proclaimed shortly thereafter.  It was not a major festival.
>Whether or not Jesus celebrated could not be determined, however some
>people during his life certainly were.

Okay...I've been following this thread for a while, and I've got to say
it:

We have historical records of Jesus celebrating Hanukkah, or at least of
his being in Jerusalem during the celebration. I quote from the 10th
chapter of The Gospel According to John, verses 22-23 (New International
Version):

"Then came the Feast of Dedication [footnote: That is, Hanukkah] at
Jerusalem. It was winter, and Jesus was in the temple area walking in
Solomon's Colonnade."

And, no, Hanukkah was not a major celebration. In most of the world, it
still isn't. Its unusual significance in US Jewish culture derives mainly
from its proximity to Christmas.

...and that is all I plan to say on this subject here. If anyone wants
to discuss this or related issues, feel free to e-mail me. I apologize
to anyone I may have offended by posting this terribly non-humorous
article.

				Glenn Chappell  <><
				chappell@math.uiuc.edu
From: v140pxgt@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Daniel B Case)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Indiana's Slogan
Date: 19 Dec 92 07:35:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <rdippold.724727456@cancun>, rdippold@cancun.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold) writes...
>>In article <BzFx1F.7sq@acsu.buffalo.edu>, v140pxgt@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Daniel B Case) writes:
>>=)
>>=)That's not as bad as New Hampshire's classic "Live Free Or Die".
> 
>License plates made by prisoners in jail, BTW...

Some stand up comic I heard once said he liked having "Freedom" as his vanity 
plate-"Not because of any thing on on my part-I just like pissing off the 
convict who has to make them".
From: tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: RIDDLES (involving no survivors,bears,birds or bus drivers)
Date: 14 Dec 92 19:15:27 GMT
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

filfeit@rael.Tymnet.COM (Fil Feit) writes:

> In article 1@vms.ocom.okstate.edu, adams@vms.ocom.okstate.edu () writes:
> >In article <VZ7kVB5w165w@netlink.cts.com>, tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Ga
> >> adams@vms.ocom.okstate.edu writes:
> >>> > 
> >>> How about a grammatically correct sentence (including syntax) which uses 
> >>> word "had" at least SEVEN (7) times?
> >>> 
> >> 
> >> The string "had had had had had had had had had had had had had had"
> >> does not occur anywhere in the microsoft version 5 operating system.
> >> 
> >
> >Not bad.  Not good, but not bad :)
> >
> >I wanted the word "had" to be used as a verb at least once.
> >(I know, I should have said so)
> >
> Fine:
> 
> "What was your answer for 'What string never occurs in the microsoft version
> 5 operating system?'  I had, 'had had had had had had had had had had had had
> 
> Where there's a will....
> 
There's relatives!

--                    
INTERNET:  tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!tumidity
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Why Women Like Trombone Players
From: tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 92 15:28:28 PST
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

petitc@nuge111.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes:

> (This is somewhat 'dirty' so stop now if you don't like slightly off-color
> jokes)
> 
> Know why women like trombone players so miuch?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Because trombone players have something that's always long and hard.
> -- 

And they are  constantly sliding it in and out.  You can always tell
the ones who masturbate - One arm they can barely lift, the other is
BIG ENOUGH TO CRUSH A VOLKSWAGEN!

--                    
INTERNET:  tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!tumidity
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
From: coop1d11@bmerh301.bnr.ca (David Smith)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: More Puzzle
Date: 14 Dec 92 19:46:48 GMT
Organization: Bell-Northern Research, Ottawa, Canada

Jesus Christ, a Catholic Vampire, a locksmith and a dromedary enter the Chemist's
one Thursday afternoon to buy a package of Rothman's.  A beautiful young woman
attempts to get the camel to lay down but fails.  She walks off in a huff.  Jesus 
asks the clerk for some Rothman's and a 44-piece socket set.  What was the
color of the pharmacists left elbow?
From: ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Riddle?
Date: 11 Dec 92 15:46:27 GMT
Article-I.D.: nntp_ser.31056
Reply-To: you@ems.cdc.com
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of CDC

In article <33933@sales.GBA.NYU.EDU>, dchacko@sales.GBA.NYU.EDU (Daniel Chacko) writes:
|> In article <1fnncmINNndq@lily.csv.warwick.ac.uk> phudl@csv.warwick.ac.uk (Mr S J Liddicott) writes:
|> >In article <1992Dec3.220233.16788@sharebase.com> keith@torme.sharebase.com (Keith Chambless) writes:
|> >
|> >>A Canadian plane traveling to the U.S crashes at the border. In which
|> >>country should the survivors be buried?
|> >
|> >Strictly, wherever their relatives/funeral directors decide.
|> >Though that could be a long time after the crash.
|> 
|> 
|>  You cant bury survivors!

Wanna bet! Sure can and they fight and scream all the way until you get
about 2 feet of dirt on them...  ;-)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED: korean jokes ( or any asian pacific Islander )
From: tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 92 15:34:44 PST
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

gvg@hplvec.LVLD.HP.COM (Greg Goebel) writes:

> Actually I know damn few jokes about Asians.  You guys work too hard, so 
> you're not funny ...
> 
> I once asked my colleage Jake Su if he knew any white person jokes; he
> turned slightly red and replied:  "Yes, but I won't tell you any of them!"

My old college neighbor shoji had everyone call him George.  He said it
means "Great Lover" in japanese.  He said when they were kids they used
to make fun of Caucasian tourists by making circles of their thumbs and
forefingers and putting them over their eyes and saying (now picture
this with the accent) "Round Eyes!"

--                    
INTERNET:  tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!tumidity
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: LJ03933@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM
Subject: ascii pics (done)
Organization: Lockheed Missiles & Space Company, Inc.
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 16:14:16 GMT

Well, that's it. Thanks to everyone who posted them
previously so I could collect them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

         o
    \\    oFrom a fish lover who can't access fish or aquaria newsgroups!
|\/   o\  o
 >      <o
|/\    /Tamara Johnson
    //Lj03933@lmsc5.is.lmsc.lockheed.com
From: x92paszek@gw.wmich.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Your mother is so fat..........
Date: 16 Dec 92 12:00:47 EST
Organization: Western Michigan University

In article <klewis.55.724433774@AFIT.AF.MIL>, klewis@AFIT.AF.MIL (Keith A. Lewis) writes:
> Listen to these jokes
> If ugly was bricks........your mother would be the Empire State Building.
> 
> 
> 
> Your mother is so old.......when Moses parted the Red Sea, she was on the 
> other side.
> 
> 
> Your mother is so old......she co-wrote one of the ten commandments.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> there is more where that came from.   If you need more mother jokes please 
> e-mail me.
> 
> 
> 
> ]
> keith
> 
> 


yo mama!



Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: gray@rsvl.unisys.com (Bill Gray )
Subject: Re: What TV teaches us...
Organization: rsvl.unisys
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 23:12:01 GMT

garrett@Ingres.COM (REACH OUT AND GREP SOMEONE) writes:

>41) <insert yours here>
41)  Firearms have no recoil.
42)  Firearms never need reloading.
43)  Firearms are exempt from Newton's Third Law of Motion.  For ordinary
     material objects, there is an equal and opposite reaction to every
     action.  However, in TV, a 140lb punk can shoot a .45 ACP into a
     195lb man, throwing the victim back violently several yards or into
     the nearest wall, yet not show any visible displacement himself.
     (Newton would be _so_ impressed.)
44)  No one but cops every uses firearms responsibly.  Only cops and
     Bad Guys have (or would ever want) firearms.
45)  Muzzles of machineguns never rise due to recoil.
46)  No one ever loses their hearing after a firefight in a small room.
47)  All problems are solved by enough weaponry.

Bill
-- 
: gray@RSVL.UNISYS.COM                      : "There are four kinds of         :
:                                           :  homicide: felonious, excusable, :
: Unisys has enough problems without being  :  justifiable, and praiseworthy." :
: blamed for my personal opinions.          :     --Ambrose Bierce             :
From: 910773f@ace.acadiau.ca (HEATHER LEE FYFFE)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: re: elephant jokes
Date: 13 Dec 92 19:48:58 GMT
Organization: Acadia University

You forgot the blue elephants just aren't rare enough one.  I don't feel 
like tyoing it all out right now, but if nobody else does, I guess I will 
eventually.

Buzzard