From: Jim Baranski <BARANSKI@VEAMF1.NUSC.NAVY.MIL>
Subject: Living Together, Telepathy
Organization: Lanman Hill Farm, Norwch CT
Date: 28 Aug 1992 16:55:50 EST

RE: webber@world.std.com (Robert D Webber)

<living together>

I can imagine not living with a lover.  For me, living together in the same
(preferably large) house is ideal and the goal.  The only time I can see not
living with a lover is while we are getting to know each other, and if perhaps
I 'love' someone enough to carry on a relationship with them, but we have too
many contradictions for us to coexist peacefully in the same household.

It is kind odd thinking about 'loving' someone enough on a romantic and sexual
level to be "lovers", yet having sufficient differences between us that we
can't live together.  Most people would/could not "love" someone who was that
different from them.  But then, I (and I suspect most polys) value differences
and variety a lot; more so then normal people who think their beliefs are the
only Right Way.

Of course different people have different needs for separation and
togetherness.  That's why the house should be a large one.  In a large house
there is enough room to do your own thing, have your own space, and be alone.
Living together does not mean that you have to spend all your time together, it
means that you *can* be together easily.  It's a lot less supportive if your
lovers are scattered around town, or surrounding area.  

It's more likely that when you come home there will be someone there to greet
you with a big hug and a kiss.  It means that there's someone there to help you
move large beams for a moment when you're building a barn, and someone to feed
the sheep for a weekend so you can go on a trip.

There is something special about 'our' bed, though...  When I didn't live with
my Spice, there was no 'our' bed, just 'hers', and 'mine'.  Now, I'm kind of
surprized that what was 'her' bed has become 'our' bed; there is something
special about it.  What would it be like to to live with more then one lover?
I suspect that each woman's bed would feel like 'ours=her&me', and my bed would
be 'mine'.  Maybe if she had more then one lover 'her' bed would not feel like
'ours' anymore?  My imagination doesn't stretch quite far enough to imagine
what it would feel like to have a communal bed at this point. :-}

I guess it's not essential to all live in one house; next door would be just
about the same, except 'mine' and 'yours' would be clearer.

<telepathy>

What does telepathy mean to me?  Well, mostly it means an increase in
communications bandwidth.  It would help aleviate the stumbling block that if
you are heavily involved with more then one person; it's harder to be as deeply
involved as you could be with one person.  I have ADHD, and my brain is always
going a couple of magnitudes faster then my IO Channels can.

Telepathy would also mean that there would not be any misunderstandings of the
kind where I say and mean something, and you hear or interpret it to mean
something else.  Sometimes it's very time consuming to make myself understood.

Now I know that some people don't like the idea of telepathy, that they feel
that it would be too invasive, and that they want to be able to keep their
thoughts and feelings private, and only share them selectively.

My idea of telepathy would be one that was selective, in that you could choose
who to share your thoughts with, and you could choose whose thoughts you would
listen to.  Thus both people have to want to communicate; no forcing your
thoughts on someone else, and no eavesdropping either.  

I suppose that most people would want to limit what or how deeply they shared
their thoughts with someone, but I would not.  You see, I believe that if
someone ***truely*** knew me, knew all my thoughts and feelings as (only?)
telepathy can accomplish; they would love me.  Thus, I have no deep dark
secrets that I wish to hide, only things that others do not understand.

I believe that this is true of most people, that if you truely get to know
them, they are lovable.  It would not matter much how different they were, or
if ordinarily you would hate them.  If you really knew them, you would also
know *why* and *how* they are as they are, and be able to accept them as they
are.

I have a poster that I've treasured since high school...  It's a picture of a
pig in a pigstye, rather messy and ugly.  But if you look at the pig's face,
and into his eye, he really has quite a friendly look about him.  The caption
says "To Know Me, Is To Love Me"...

I think of such a telepathic exchange as being a wonderfull and healing
thing...  To be *really* Known and Accepted...  Of course, I think there are
some risks for the other person;  A good look into someone else's mind, and how
they look at the world, might change the way that you look at the world; it
could be a dreadfull shock to some...

James Baranski            | It's Not Easy Keeping Vaxen Working ...  Underwater!
Vax Systems Analyst       | BARANSKI@VEAMF1.NUSC.NAVY.MIL 203-440-6510, 889-4968
Lanman Hill, Norwich CT   | Be: Thoughtfull, Honest, Yourself, Happy