From: gazit@antigone.usc.edu (Salit)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Re: At what age is day care appropriate?
Date: 7 Apr 1992 14:27:51 -0700
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: antigone.usc.edu

In article <STB.92Apr7153111@sbodoff.hpl.hp.com> stb@hplb.hpl.hp.com (Stephanie Bodoff) writes:
>In article <1992Apr03.234858.952904@locus.com> judy@locus.com (Judy Leedom
>Tyrer) write:
>   Children are not "possessions" to be enjoyed at the whim of the parent.
[Deleted]
>   the first five years of a child's life are CRUCIAL to the well being of that
>   So, finances aside, if you cannot take 5 years out of your career and whatever
>   personal satisfaction that gives you to devote to the upbringing of another
>   human being, then, IMO, you should rethink having children.  It is one thing
                           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>   to HAVE to work.  It is quite another to choose to work at a time when your
>   children need so very much of you.  

>interest. On the contrary, I think they might even be better off with
>someone "who often doesn't speak the native language" but actually loves
>caring for young children. Since neither you nor your husband really enjoys
>the job of full-time childcare, maybe
>you should have thought twice about having children.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Firstoff, I suggest that those "friendly" suggestions are completely out of
place. I think there is a lot to learn from an honest discussion of the merits
of staying at home vs daycare, but not when everyone is trying to belittle
the other's parenting skills if their opinions do not match.  Today the
"bad" parent is the working parent, tomorrow it is the stay-at-home-and-bored,
the day after tomorrow - who know?...  I think that any person who can raise
reasonably happy well adjusted kids, regardless of their child rearing
practices, is right in having children.

The problem that I see with Judy's claims are that:

If we assume 5 years while there exists a child under 5, then depending
on the family structure, this could be as much as 15-20 years out of the
work cycle. In addition, not all 5 years in life count alike. Saying
that 5 years out of 80 is not much is really not correct. Rather compute
this based on the *working years*, e.g. for the college educated - 21 to
65, which is only 45 years. Moreover, the 5 years taken out are going to
be used in the 25-40 range mostly, that are considered more crucial for
advancement in your profession.

Suggesting that working for fullfilment is "not right" while working for
financial need is ok. How can you make the decision for other people what is
a "financial need"? I am sure most of us could afford one spouse to stay
at home, with a substantial lowering of the standard of living.

But the main point is, I think, that a family should consider the needs of
*all* members of the family, and work out the best compromise. If for your
family, it is better that one spouse stays at home, fine. Another family
may make a different decision that could be based on economic reasons, but
not necessarily. Why are financial reasons "ok", but career or fullfilment
are not?  The main criterion should be, does the method chosen provide for
the best outcome for this particular family as a whole or not?

The study quoted by Judy suggested, if I remember correctly, that high quality
daycare has no adverse effect on the children, whereas "average daycare" did.
Assuming for the moment that the results are valid (really, the information
on how the study was done is simply not enough to make a decision), there is
still the problem that only those parents who can easily afford a stay at home
parent are able to afford the expensive high quality daycare. The parents
that are "allowed" to work because their financial needs are deemed sufficient
(by Big Brother???), will have to live with the low quality daycare.

So rather put down other people's hard choices, a better solution is to work
for improved working conditions for parents, i.e. better daycare, more
opportunities for part time, flexible hours or stay at home for a few years.

>Stephanie Bodoff

Salit
gazit@iris.usc.edu




Newsgroups: misc.kids