HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: nolan@helios.unl.edu (Michael Nolan)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: My Answer
Date: 20 Nov 1992 15:06:35 GMT
Organization: University of Nebraska--Lincoln	
Reply-To: nolan@helios.unl.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: helios.unl.edu

dpayton@qcinet.Gwinnett.COM (Doug Payton) writes:

>I spent hours agonizing over a particularly long answer I gave to a
>question some time ago, and I kinda hoped it would be Oracularitized,
>but alas it was not.  (What's the typical length of time between when a
>question is answered and (when chosen) it appears in the Oracularities?)

My goal is to review the Oracularities I receive within a day.  If I
recommend something, it usually is published within 2-3 days.  Volume has
been slow lately, so it could take a bit longer. (The Priests have conferred 
on this, we think it is due to either low cosmic energy or to the sunspot 
cycle, or was it just that everybody was busy/uninspired lately?)

>Anyway, here it is.  Perhaps it was too long, perhaps it didn't have
>enough swearing, perhaps it wasn't R-rated; who knows why it didn't make
>the digest.  Enjoy!

Perhaps it wasn't deemed to be funny enough?  IMO it was too long, rambled
too much, and failed to say anything hilarious or poignant about the
'human condition'.  It doesn't 'grab' me in the first few paragraphs, and
that is a MUST for a long Oracularity.

Anyway, don't get too discouraged, the answers I've worked the longest on
didn't get published either.  <sigh>

Harold The Foot, Oracle Priest
(And, no, not the Priest to whom your answer was referred)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: mei172@cch.coventry.ac.uk (guru)
Subject: Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
Organization: Coventry University
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 14:23:54 GMT

In article <1ea5b9INNbgv@lester.appstate.edu> GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD) writes:
>As others have said, Hans and Franz are characters from an American TV Show,
>"Saturday Night Live".  They aren't the only American TV characters to show
>up either.  We've seen Mr. Wizard and David Letterman in other Oracularities.
>I could be wrong but I believe that the Oracular Writ advises to refrain
>from using regionalities that international readers might not understand.
>Obviously, American TV shows usually fall into this category. What's next?
>"Three's Company" jokes? Parodies of "America's Funniest Home Vidoes"?

guru sez:
	Mr Letterman's reputation stretches across the pond, and the home
	video format is now so universal that I think you could get away
	with it...

-- 
      /~~~) /   / /~~~) /   /   
     (___/ (___/ /     (___/   These mind-expanding drugs have given me so much
        /                      imagination, I'm hallucinating grey vividly....
   (___/ mei172@cch.cov.ac.uk                       Victor Lewis-Smith
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: laruedm@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (David Larue)
Subject: Re: Sore Loser and Pissed Off
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 02:44:31 GMT

In article <41368@sdcc12.ucsd.edu> cs161feu@sdcc10.ucsd.edu (Anthony Minkoff) writes:
>In article <1ej7e2INN5r2@lester.appstate.edu>
>GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD) writes:
>>If you can't think if something good to reply, -=*DON'T*=- reply!  Leave it
>>to someone else who doesn't have their head down the toilet.
>
>Hey!  Don't knock toilets!  I've composed some of my best
>Oracularities while sitting on the crapper.
>

Remember, if you're sitting on the crap pot and you have your head down the
toilet, hten the only explanation is that you're a butthead.  But if you
have a head on your shoulders its a great place to compose!
From: davidr@cs.tamu.edu (David E Randolph)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: The Smoke-Filled Room revisited...
Date: 22 Nov 1992 17:42:50 GMT
Organization: Computer Science Department, Texas A&M University
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: solar.tamu.edu

 Hey folks!
 
 I recently sent out the question below and got three responses which I
 enjoyed, but I was rather hoping for a confession written in the 
 same style as the question.  Is anyone game?  
 
 No <ZOT>ing of Apollo this time...actually, since Apollo was considered
 to be the god of divination, I understand it was to him that the 
 Delphic Oracle spoke, so in my eyes, Apollo is like the Oracle's boss
 (but for contractual reasons must still grovel when asking O a question).
 Generally, I wouldn't expect an employee to waste his own employer,
 unless the employee was a mobster or a postman or something, especially
 during an internal investigation.  I don't think the Oracle is completely
 immune from internal scrutiny;  Prometheus thought he was and look at
 what happened to _him_.
 
 > Smoke lazily curled around the languidly wheeling paddles of the 
 > overhead fan, catching the light of the cramped and stifling 
 > room's solitary lamp.  The halon lamp had been tilted to point directly
 > at a single figure in the windowless chamber, seated upon a chair worn
 > smooth by countless occupants.  The figure drew a breath from a
 > Lucky Strike cigarette, silently cursed the black pentacle drawn upon the 
 > floor around him, and tried unsuccessfully to conceal his nervousness.  
 > The four other occupants of the room, two seated and two standing with 
 > arms folded, were all obscured by the effulgent beam of light.  Apollo 
 > stood up, adjusted his tunic, and stretched.  The figure started to 
 > stand up as well, but Apollo waved him to sit back down.  The god 
 > stepped into the lamplight and peered down at the prisioner.  Both 
 > the god and the suspect might have seemed flawlessly handsome to a 
 > mortal, but they could see in each other's faces the subtle blemishes 
 > and signs of age that even the gods themselves cannot conceal from each 
 > other.
 > 
 > Said Apollo, "From the top.  Again."
 > 
 > Replied the figure, "Oh, COME ON!  We've been over this a thousand times!"
 > 
 > Unmoved, Apollo withdrew from the light and sat down again.  "Your story
 > leaves us with too many questions.  So, again, I will ask:
 > 
 > Oh all-seeing Oracle, whose hair is combed by the passing stars,
 >                       whose lips utter wisdoms ancient and ulterior,
 > 
 > Where were you on the night before John F. Kennedy's assassination?"
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: "Steve Kinzler" <kinzler@moose.cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Re: #493-10
Organization: Computer Science, Indiana University
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 09:44:44 -0500

ksdavis@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Karleenus Schwartz Davis) writes:
>When I vote, I vote on the whole thing, not just the answer.  The
>questions take a lot of work too. . .I'd say that might explain the
>high rating on this one.

Sometimes the question is so complete, well-rounded and humorous by
itself, there's not much an answer can add to it.  I think it's
appropriate to vote on the Oracularity as a whole, particularly for
cases like this.

>                          I've never had a question of mine published;
>does the questioner get a congratulatory letter as well?

Sure does.

--
from the brain of Steve Kinzler    /o)\    kinzler@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu
an organ with a mind of its own    \(o/    {ames,rutgers}!iuvax!kinzler
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: Andrew McCallum <andrewm@zooid.guild.org>
Subject: Woodchuck
X-To: ALL
Organization: The Zoo of Ids
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 12:14:00 GMT

    Forget about the woodchuck, I want to know if a noisy noise annoys an
oyseter.

---
    .sig's are neat,                   | Andrew McCallum
    .sig's are fun,                     \ andrewm@zooid.guild.org
    .sig's tell where to flame someone.  |andrewm@terranet.cts.com
From: GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Sore loser and Somewhat Offended
Date: 21 Nov 1992 15:39:11 GMT
Organization: Land of the Lost
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: stat.appstate.edu
X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.24

In <1eivliINNlkv@crcnis1.unl.edu> nolan@helios.unl.edu writes:
 
> Then I gave some though to using the Priestly Feedback mechanism to comment
> upon the potential that the querant would be offended by the answer, but
> decided that anybody who wrote a question dealing with a sexual subject
> should expect a potentially offensive reply, and let the whole thing drop.
> 
> Harold The Foot, Oracle Priest

I think I'll have to partially disagree there.  "Potentially offensive"
describes to broad a range.  Besides, you could use the same logic to say
that racist replies are condoned if the question deals with a racial
issue.  Does that make sense?

Basically, I just don't like seeing the "fun" taken out of the Oracle.
Although it may be "fun" to flame supplicants with statements of "fuck you"
I don't think it should be condoned because it makes it not "fun" for
the supplicant and I think the supplicants are just as important as those
replying for the Oracle.
From: GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
Date: 17 Nov 1992 07:00:57 GMT
Organization: Land of the Lost
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: stat.appstate.edu
X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.24

In <1992Nov15.233807.18703@asl.dl.nec.com> drinckes@nzl.abk.nec.co.jp writes:

> In Oracularity 500-10, we get an answer from Hans Orakel and Franz Orakel,
> with starts and ends with the comment:
> 
> 	WISE *YOU* UP!
> 
> I have spotted this duo once before with the comment "PUMP (clap) YOU
> UP" in another group.
> 
> So, in the hopes of finding out whats funny, who the heck are these
> guys?
> 
> I think we should be told.
> 
> Doug Rinckes, Network Administrator | drinckes@nzl.abk.nec.co.jp
> Telecommunications Systems Support  | rah rah rah
> Centre New Zealand Ltd              | disclaim disclaim disclaim
> 
> 
> 

As others have said, Hans and Franz are characters from an American TV Show,
"Saturday Night Live".  They aren't the only American TV characters to show
up either.  We've seen Mr. Wizard and David Letterman in other Oracularities.
I could be wrong but I believe that the Oracular Writ advises to refrain
from using regionalities that international readers might not understand.
Obviously, American TV shows usually fall into this category. What's next?
"Three's Company" jokes? Parodies of "America's Funniest Home Vidoes"?

Come on, don't we have more imagination than to have to steal other people's
jokes? At least make an effort to be original.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: makowski@saturn.glassboro.edu
Subject: digest #500
Organization: Rowan College of New Jersey
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 23:28:09 GMT

Help!!!!
Does anyone have the digest #500?
If you do, please repost it or send it to MAKOWSKI@SATURN.GLASSBORO.EDU.
Thanks in advance.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: mclemens@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Mike Clemens)
Subject: Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 13:13:53 GMT

In article <1ea5b9INNbgv@lester.appstate.edu> GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD) writes:
>
>As others have said, Hans and Franz are characters from an American TV Show,
>"Saturday Night Live".  They aren't the only American TV characters to show
>up either.  We've seen Mr. Wizard and David Letterman in other Oracularities.
>I could be wrong but I believe that the Oracular Writ advises to refrain
>from using regionalities that international readers might not understand.
>Obviously, American TV shows usually fall into this category. What's next?
>"Three's Company" jokes? Parodies of "America's Funniest Home Vidoes"?
>
>Come on, don't we have more imagination than to have to steal other people's
>jokes? At least make an effort to be original.
        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I agree with this, which was essentially the reason for my comment
about "universal appeal" in my previous post.  It's not that I think
the Oracularity was unfunny, but I didn't find it as gut-bustingly
hilarious as others seemed to have deemed it.

Of course, I too am not free from blame -- I wrote the "Lisa" response
that seemed to cause (or contribute to) the flame war about her part
in the Oracle Mystique... one man's meat is another man's poison, I
guess.  :-)  I'll try to cut her out of my responses in the future if
most people agree that including her in a response makes it too trite.

- Mike

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: "Steve Kinzler" <kinzler@moose.cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
Organization: Computer Science, Indiana University
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 10:22:39 -0500

Written by mclemens@silver.ucs.indiana.edu in news:rec.humor.oracle.d
+---------- "Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?" ----------
| You really haven't missed much by not seeing the show -- this does, by
| the way, serve to illustrate that perhaps the priesthood should choose
| a little more carefully when picking winners for the digest?  Unless a
| joke is universal, something like the Hans & Franz thing is going to
| blow right on by a lot of readers.  ...

...  but not everyone.  It would be a shame to miss this hilarious "Hans
& Franz" bit because not everyone would fully appreciate it.  Few
Oracularities are going to have truly universal appeal.  We (ie, the
Priesthood) are just trying to see that most digests have something that
everyone likes.  It's impossible that everyone likes everything!

--
from the brain of Steve Kinzler    /o)\    kinzler@cs.indiana.edu
an organ with a mind of its own    \(o/
From: russed@aix.rpi.edu (Daniel Russell)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #504-10
Date: 22 Nov 92 17:58:28 GMT
Article-I.D.: rpi.b021t-b

>Selected-By: forbes@icbm.att.com
		     ^^^^

	And I though AT&T only did phones and computers..

 dan
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: ksdavis@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Karleenus Schwartz Davis)
Subject: Re: #493-10
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 02:55:24 GMT

When I vote, I vote on the whole thing, not just the answer.  The
questions take a lot of work too. . .I'd say that might explain the
high rating on this one.  I've never had a question of mine published;
does the questioner get a congratulatory letter as well?

-sz
From: doehr@magellan.den.mmc.com (Brett B. Doehr)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: digest #500
Date: 18 Nov 92 15:21:41 GMT
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group

In article <makowski.1.722042889@saturn.glassboro.edu>, makowski@saturn.glassboro.edu writes:
|> Help!!!!
|> Does anyone have the digest #500?
|> If you do, please repost it or send it to MAKOWSKI@SATURN.GLASSBORO.EDU.
|> Thanks in advance.

I am sending #500 in response to the above, and am mentioning it so
that the requestor doesn't get dozens of copies.

---------------------------------------------------------------
| Brett B. Doehr           Martin Marietta Astronautics Group |
| Voice: +1-303-977-1504   P.O. Box 179  Denver, CO 80201 USA |
| Fax:   +1-303-977-1530          Internet: doehr@den.mmc.com |
|    "What's wrong?!  I'm used to being the weirdest guy in   |
|     the room, and suddenly I'm not even in the running!"    |
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: Andrew McCallum <andrewm@zooid.guild.org>
Subject: Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
X-To: MIKE CLEMENS
Organization: The Zoo of Ids
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 22:19:00 GMT

From mclemens@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Mike Clemens)
>Once again, our American cultural-centricity betrays us... There's a
>popular TV program over here called "Saturday Night Live" -- 90 min.
>of live skits performed by a cast of regulars and a celebrity guest
>host.

    Also the home of Wayne's World as well.

    "Wayne's World!  Wayne's World!  Party time!  Excelent!"

    That movie get's killed the second time around.

                                                  Andrew
From: odlin@reed.edu (Iain Odlin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Sore loser and Somewhat Offended
Date: 20 Nov 92 04:41:21 GMT
Article-I.D.: reed.1992Nov20.044121.25790
Organization: The Stuffed Animal Trauma Team  (We're Trained Professionals)


>If you can't think of a good reply, DON'T REPLY.

  I *second* that.  To date: I have sent three questions to the oracle (and
  answered 14, one made it to a digest) and NOT ONE of the answers I got was
  even remotely civil.  Every single one of them harped on for 60 lines or so
  about how my grovel wasn't good enough, followed by a perfunctory, usually
  irrelevant, "answer".

  Needless to say, I'm not too keen on sending another question.  I daresay
  there are more of us out there who feel the same.

  -Iain Odlin
-- 
 --------------------------------- Iain Odlin ---------------------------------
                  10 Crosby Street, Level 3, Portland ME 04103
                                 odlin@reed.edu
 ----------------- "Then die! That is the purpose of guards." -----------------
From: cs161feu@sdcc10.ucsd.edu (Anthony Minkoff)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Sore Loser and Pissed Off
Date: 21 Nov 92 00:47:41 GMT
Organization: University of California, San Diego

In article <1ej7e2INN5r2@lester.appstate.edu>
GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD) writes:
>If you can't think if something good to reply, -=*DON'T*=- reply!  Leave it
>to someone else who doesn't have their head down the toilet.

Hey!  Don't knock toilets!  I've composed some of my best
Oracularities while sitting on the crapper.

Tony
From: res_ewv@exodus.valpo.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
Date: 16 Nov 92 01:20:31 GMT
Article-I.D.: exodus.1992Nov15.192031.1
Organization: Valparaiso University
X-Posted-From: exodus.valpo.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: sol.ctr.columbia.edu

In article <1992Nov15.233807.18703@asl.dl.nec.com>, drinckes@nzl.abk.nec.co.jp (Doug Rinckes) writes:
> In Oracularity 500-10, we get an answer from Hans Orakel and Franz Orakel,
> with starts and ends with the comment:
> 
> 	WISE *YOU* UP!
> 
> I have spotted this duo once before with the comment "PUMP (clap) YOU
> UP" in another group.
> 
> So, in the hopes of finding out whats funny, who the heck are these
> guys?
> 
> I think we should be told.
> 
> Doug Rinckes, Network Administrator | drinckes@nzl.abk.nec.co.jp
> Telecommunications Systems Support  | rah rah rah
> Centre New Zealand Ltd              | disclaim disclaim disclaim
> 
> 
> 

They are from the TV show Saturday Night live (several years ago).  They were
body builders whose motto was "We are here to pump [clap] you up."  Quite funny
actually.  They were a mock on Arnold Scharzenagger (sp?) complete with
German/eastern European accents.  The Oracularity was a take off on this.



                                                                               
                              Eric W. Vaandering                               
  ____________________________________________________________________________ 
 |BITNet:    RES_EWV@VALPO                    USPS Net:  Eric Vaandering      |
 |InterNet:  RES_EWV@exodus.valpo.edu                    Brandt Hall          |
 |PhoneNet:  (219) 464-5868                              Valparaiso, IN 46383 |
 |____________________________________________________________________________|
 |                                                                            |
 |  "We are enjoying a sluggish economy and not enjoying it very much."       |
 |                  --George Bush                                             |
 |____________________________________________________________________________|
From: GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Sore Loser and Pissed Off
Date: 20 Nov 1992 17:31:46 GMT
Organization: Land of the Lost
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: stat.appstate.edu
X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.24


Well, when I posted my question the first time I got the reply "go screw
yourself".

So I reposted.

This time it said "Go fuck yourself".

Look, there is a distinction between being humorously obnoxious and being
downright rude and offensive.  Everyone here must has a certain amount of
originality to them, right?  So why reply on rude, cliched remarks that
will offend people?

If you can't think if something good to reply, -=*DON'T*=- reply!  Leave it
to someone else who doesn't have their head down the toilet.

--- APHiD
From: weemba@sagi.wistar.upenn.edu (Matthew P Wiener)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Canonical Woodchuck #2
Date: 18 Nov 92 20:18:19 GMT
Reply-To: weemba@sagi.wistar.upenn.edu (Matthew P Wiener)
Organization: The Wistar Institute of Anatomy and Biology
In-reply-to: dsew@troi.cc.rochester.edu (David Sewell)

I recall a Best-Of-Oracle r.h.f woodchucker question-and-answer
involving the supplicant being slowly warned against something,
and being committed to the funny farm, repeatedly asking the
woodchuck question.
-- 
-Matthew P Wiener (weemba@sagi.wistar.upenn.edu)
From: nolan@helios.unl.edu (Michael Nolan)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Sore Loser and Pissed Off
Date: 20 Nov 1992 23:39:52 GMT
Organization: University of Nebraska--Lincoln	
Reply-To: nolan@helios.unl.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: helios.unl.edu

GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD) writes:

>Well, when I posted my question the first time I got the reply "go screw
>yourself".

>So I reposted.

>This time it said "Go fuck yourself".

>Look, there is a distinction between being humorously obnoxious and being
>downright rude and offensive.  Everyone here must has a certain amount of
>originality to them, right?  So why reply on rude, cliched remarks that
>will offend people?

>If you can't think if something good to reply, -=*DON'T*=- reply!  Leave it
>to someone else who doesn't have their head down the toilet.

Likewise, if you can't think of a good question in the first place, don't
keep resubmitting it in the hopes that someone will succeed in making
a silk purse out of it.

However, because of the extremely minutely chance that this will prevent
the querant from another iteration, I am reproducing the original question
and second answer in full.  'Tain't the Oracularities, but it will have to do.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> O Mystic Oracle whose nose I am not worthy to wipe....
> 
> I have a serious dilemma which I need advice on.
> You see, I'm a happily married 34-year-old man with a loving wife and
> two wonderful children.  While vacationing in Northern Europe, I made
> the mistake of insulting a Radical Feminist Gypsy Fortune Teller and
> she placed a curse on me.  Now, when the moon turns full, I turn into
> a woman.  Yes.  I am Werewoman, hear me roar.
> 
> When I turn into a woman, I blank out and this female side takes over
> completely.  I don't even remember what has happened the next morning.
> I can't tell you how many times I've woken up to find myself mysteriously
> surrounded by dozens of full shopping bags from Bloomingdale's and
> Victoria's Secrets.  My family suspects but I've been able to convince
> them that I'm just a transvestite because I don't think they could
> bear the awful truth.
> 
> But now, I think I may be pregnant.  Should I tell my family?
> Who is the father?  Where can I find Paternity clothes for a decent
> price?
> 
> Please help me, O Omniscient and Wise Oracle.  The cravings for
> pickles and ice cream are pushing me over the edge!
> 

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It not all that bad, really.  Looks to you like you're losing control of your
} life, but in fact, so is everyone else.  That gypsy cursed your whole family.
} Your wife turns into a man at the same time you turn into a woman.  Your kids
} turn into each other.  So everything works out in the end.  Being both a man
} and a woman will give you an opportunity like no one else has ever had.  Now
} go fuck yourself.
} 
} You owe the Oracle a videotape.
} 
-----
Harold The Foot, Oracle Priest
Who got BOTH versions for consideration   <sigh>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d