From: dnelson@icaen.uiowa.edu (David Nelson)
Subject: Re: Confrontations (brief spoilers)
Organization: Iowa Computer Aided Engineering Network, University of Iowa
X-Newsreader: NN version 6.4.19
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 11:57:28 GMT

I am speaking for only myself, and for where I am at today in my
recovery, but I wanted to share my response to the following excerpt
with everyone (in case it might benefit at least one person).

sonia@joliet.berkeley.edu (Sonia Marx) writes:
(In response to Sierra's post re: confrontation.)

>FAIR????  FAIR?!?!?!  Were they FAIR to you???  Sorry.  Lost my cool for
>a second there.  While we shouldn't sink to the perp's level, I also
>think that they have lost some basic privileges of being human through
>acting less than human.  Privileges like contact with their children
>and grandchildren.  Privileges like respect.  ARRGGGHHH!!  (No, I'm not
>angry at you Sierra!  I'm angry at society for programming all of us to
>be "nice" long after we should start clawing their eyes out!)

Sonia, I hear your anger, sense of outrage, and desire for justice.  I
believe that consideration for an abuser must *not* be at the expense
of a survivor's recovery, nor should it be at the risk of further
abuse.

However, from a moral as well as a recovery standpoint, I must
respectfully disagree in part with your assertions - especially "we
should start clawing their eyes out!".  If, out of vengeance, I
personally punish them or deprive perps of "respect" and "contact with
children", then I *do* "sink to the perp's level."  Let me elaborate.

In such a case, I would be acting out the abuse leg of the Rescue
Triangle.  But, my first responsibility is to myself.  My recovery
*demands* that I break out of that Rescue Triangle mentality.
Although I might gain a temporary sense of satisfaction by inflicting
my brand of justice on a perp, it damages *me* if I am acting out that
dysfunctional role of Persecutor/Abuser, despite the claim that I am
merely seeking justice.

I feel a moral obligation to protect children from known molestors.
That is a totally valid reason for denying perps access to children.
I have a greater problem with denying perps their human rights.

I don't believe that perps should lose their human rights
automatically; that would be vigilanteism.  I must follow due process
of law or else I am playing God in my mind.  (By the way, I have not
yet heard of a perp that hadn't been a victim themselves.)  I prefer
to let society enact justice through the court system - that relieves
*me* of the burden of continuing the internal abuse-punishment-blame
cycle.  The world is not inherently fair, but we humans have a need
for justice and that is why we invented the criminal justice system.

If I were to wreak vengeance upon a perp, I know that at some future
point it would haunt me.  No matter what the justification, if I use
another human (even a perp) as an object (scapegoat), I rob myself of
some of my own humanity and make it easier to do so in the future.  In
other words, by getting vengeance myself, I am no better than the perp
despite my self-righteous claims.  Objectification is the first step
on the road to atrocity.  (And that is *exactly* what *my* perp did to
*me*!)  

I do *not* advocate letting perps go scot free.  If they refuse to
acknowledge their wrongs, then let society protect its weaker members
by locking the perps in a prison somewhere.  If they *do* acknowledge
the wrongness of their actions *and* a willingness to change, then I
am in favor of treatment.  Please note that prison and treatment are
not necessarily mutually exclusive options, in my view.

I may be taking an extreme stance on this issue.  But I refuse at any
time to consciously make another human being into an object to use to
satisfy my own needs, even if it's a need for justice.


**********************************************************************
*     Any attempt to impose        David L Nelson (Screaming Fist)   *
*     your will on another            dnelson@icaen.uiowa.edu        *
*     is an act of violence.           anon-1454@twwells.com         *
*        -Mahatma Gandhi               an1096@anon.penet.fi          *
**********************************************************************