From: gayle@disk.uucp (Gayle)
Subject: Re: Remote (Taxpayer) Wallets vs. the Ovarian Nurturer
Organization: Digital Information Systems of KY
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1992 22:04:44 GMT

noraa@cbnewsk.cb.att.com (aaron.l.hoffmeyer) writes:

>got off the phone with a guy who was talking with a woman about going
>out (as in dating).  She told him that she didn't have any money to go
>bowling with him because her child support check hadn't showed up.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe all of the money SHE could have earned
could have been spent on food, medicene, diapers or ANYTHING for the kids?
That she has evidently used all her resources to provide for the kids while
the father was obviously negligent in sending support?

>with the support of children.  Apparently the cost of cigarettes and
>alcohol were included as costs for raising children.

Does it really matter? If the amount of money for ciggarettes or coke (?)
provides her happiness (?), isn't that worth the small amount it would take
to make her a happier person then maybe a happier mother? I know, it's grasp-
ing, but I'm so sick of men fussing about money, are your kids not worth it?
If a woman is not able t support herself currently do you think it wouldn't
bother her (of course I can't speak for everyone), but the kids must come first.
If a woman is not trained in a field where she can earn higher wages, then how 
can she possibly earn enough to cover all expenses when SHE works. Would you
fuss if you were responsible for daycare while she did work, or would you rather
pay for the other items?
 My one question, how can men fuss soooo much for paying, when they say they
care for the child so much? Seems rather contradictive to me. Money IS a fact 
of life, but it seems to me (from personal exp. again I can't judge for everyone) that men think of divorce as an "abandon decree." A decree to do what you
want to, whether or not it affects the children. 

> Our children have
>to have a place to live.  But they tell us, as non-custodial parents,
>that we owe our children a place to live that is not our home:  that is
>not something we tell intact families - they aren't even legally
>obligated to have a home.  Sure, they want to, but some can't afford it.

Because it seems in a divorce, if you dont point out EVERYTHING a man HAS to
do, they'll weasel out of it. Don't you want your children to have a home?
If they can't receive the best emotional nurturing, etc .. from you then you
would just as soon they not have a home? Intact families usually don't HAVE
to be told anything, they can decide that on their own. 

>verifies that it ever does go to the children.  Do custodial parents
>ever provide proof of the expenditures on the children?  Are they ever
>required to?  Why or why not?

I was told by my lawyer to only write down expenses that I could provide 
proof for. So, yes.

>Based on my current child support payments, I will pay $187,000 in
>child support over the next 15 years.  That figure doesn't include

Isn't this probably lower than the amount you would pay were you still
married? I mean, vacations, toys, etc ... ?
But you're just fussing because YOU aren't getting it?

>P.S.  A man recently told me that one of his tenants had blown him off
>on the rent this month - claiming that she hadn't received her child
>support check.  Why can't she earn enough money to pay her rent without
>someone else's check?  And if she can't support herself and a gaggle of
>children, why is she the custodial parent of those children?

Well, *I* have had the same problem. *I* was unable to pay my rent due to
the fact that I have not received child support. *I* cannot work outside
the home now because my youngest child (10 months) has medical problems.
YET, MY ex refuses to pay all the back "maintenance" he owes because he
feels I should go out and work. Due to the fact that I lost a son last year,
and my youngest now is having medical problems _ I trust no one with him, and
would be unable to afford the care for him while I did work. This medical
problem, fingers crossed, should be "conquered" within the next 6 months, but
it seems my ex just doesn't care what happens NOW. Well, I want my son to
LIVE. Why doesnt HE (ex) seem to think of that also, instead of the money.
Yet he says he "loves" the kids. Though not once in the past 8 months has he
inquired to his well being, doesnt even look at him when were in court.
This is fatherly love? If so, then this is the exact reason these kids are
better off with the mother.

Gayle



-- 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
 The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.  - Shakespeare
  What's black & brown and looks good on a lawyer?     A doberman :-)
                        - gayle@disk.uucp -
Newsgroups: alt.child-support