From: stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews)
Subject: Re: How do you tell a girl your feelings?
Organization: CSIRO Division of Mathematics and Statistics, Australia
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 10:47:10 GMT

> Just make 100% sure she wants more...
> a good friendship is a terrible thin to lose...


Yep, 'tis hard. But there is an easy answer. Ask.

Be careful how you put it though. Should be in the form of a q? that is 
understood by both parties to be just a sorting out of possible confusion.

Like, "This may sound a bit strange, but I've been wondering about this for a 
while and I feel that it is best for me to bring it out and discuss."

"I may be misinterpreting, but sometimes I feel that maybe you would like to be
more than just a friend to me."

not sure if that sounds right, maybe needs some more work, but you get the
gist. I beleive that if the relationship is that good that, if the 
question is put right and approached _VERY CAREFULLY_ then you two
should be able to chat about it and still be at least friends at the end
of the dicussion.

My boss gave me a list of approaches for dealing with conflict. In some ways 
they could also be used for this situation...

The good old 'I' statements...

Action : When you do this....
Response: _I FEEL_ like this
Prefferred Outcome... and what I'd like (to know is)

Make your statement clear - don't 'beat around the bush' Action: Say
what is really the issue ie
Don't say "sometimes I get the impression... "
Do say: "When you give me those cute little winks of your's and look me    
          in the eyes for a few long seconds..."

Response: indicate the degree of feeling you have
Don't say "I feel like I love you"
Do Say    "I feel a sense of attraction... oh shit I dunno - I'm no 
                                            wordsmith, but you get the gist...

Preferred Outcome - Talk about what you wan't to do about it...
Don't Say: "I wan't to get married next Saturday and make babies"
Do Say:    "I'd like to discuss our feelings for each other so that I/we
            can better understand each other."

_NEVER CLASS BLAME_
NEVER imply that by giving you those cute little looks that she is doing
something to you - ie making you horny or whatever - Remmber that you
are responsible for the feelings you have as a result of her cute look or
whatever - don't make her feel responsible for YOUR feeling/s

_Don't use irritators_
Don't say "when you wiggle your bum like a tart" even if that is what she does
Do Say   "when you wiggle your bume in that pretty/cute way that you do"
ie; be nice

_Don't Demand_
Don't say, "We HAVE to talk about this now"
Do Say     "If you feel OK about it, I'd like to discuss....."

etc etc...

I've also often found that it is easier to pour one's feelings out to a
keyboard that too another human being. (Hell, I'm still here @8:45pm on a
Friday night!) Type out or write your feelings. Sort out waht to say
b4 you say it. It sound's like a great relationship, it'd be a real bummer
to mess it up - It IS WORTH spending a week getting the words right!

Also, print out some of these postings and show her - it shows you've
given it heaps of thought and are not just coming on to her. You have resp
ected her privacy (ie, no names) etc etc (other opinions here please?)

t'anyway, I wish you the very best of success (I don't beleive in luck)

Please write and tell us how it goes

G

-- 
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Geoffrey Breach                                   || "Imagination is more
(masquerading as stuarta)                         ||  important than knowledge"
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