HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Chunderation
Keywords: dogmeat, HEAT, m023
Date: 12 Oct 92 15:13:55 GMT
Organization: Sun, Moon, and Stars
NNTP-Posting-Host: abingdon

(Jenny "Bird Seed" Gutbezahl) writes:
>I just realized that in both the original post and my rebuttal to your attack,
>I stuck an extra "o" in "proprietress."  This is more of an indication of my
>lack of typing skills than anything else.

She says, while glibly passing by the fact that "proprietor" is a
gender neutral noun.  Or does Massechusetts supply "Articles of
Prorietoressship" now?

>Of course, if it makes you feel better, or smarter, to call me illiterate,

It makes me feel better sort of like dropping trash in a trash can
makes me feel better.  It's all in knowing that I'm doing my little
part to keep the world clean.

>please do.  It appears from the general manner of most of your postings here
>that your ego is extremey damaged.  So that the only way you can feel good 
>about yourself is to put everyone else down.  

If I recall, my ego insurance is up to date.  I've never made a claim
on it and receive quite tidy discounts for being in a low risk group.
Thanks for checking up on me, though.

I feel as bad as the next guy, pointing out the shortcomings of
others, but somebody has to do it.  I don't actively go in search of
these shortcomings, but if you're going to parade them out here like a
transvestites with five o'clock shadow, I'll work with it.

>I'm so very sorry, Andy.  

Agreed.

>You must have had a hard time of it as a yung 'un - I can just imagine you 
>in third grade, with all the bullies taking your lunch money & the other kids 
>teasing you for being so big and ugly. 

I don't remember that part.  Must have been one of those days I slept
through class.

>It makes me want to cry; really it does

Then cry it out, Jen.  G'on, you can do it: wail "It's so huge and
ugly!"  Feel a little better now?  It isn't the first time I've
brought tears to someone's eyes.

>And I can see you vowing, in your little heart of hearts, that someday, some
>way, you would find a forum where you could insult people who were far enough
>away so that you couldn't see them laughing at you.  

"Someday?"  Is that before of after "Satyrday?"  A little lesson I've
learned in life is that you don't have to "find" bufoonery, but no
matter where you go, it presents itself.  You can run away, or you can
politely ignore it.  Or you can have a little integrity and confront
it.

Where do you stand?

andy
banta@abingdon.sun.com
--
"He who hasn't hacked assembly language as a youth has no
 heart. He who does so as an adult has no brain."  - John Moore
From: 01sybok@ac.dal.ca
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Assorted peeves (collect 'em, trade 'em with your friends)
Date: 7 Oct 92 08:58:04 -0300
Organization: Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

In article <1992Oct6.161131.1689@nlm.nih.gov>, harris@ironic.nlm.nih.gov (Nomi Harris) writes:
> Some things that have annoyed me lately:
> 
> 
> 4. The bike cage here has these contraptions to which you are
> supposed to lock your bike.  Every morning I struggle mightily to
> lock my women's-frame mountain bike with my extra-thick Kryptonite
> lock (can we start BikeLockSizeWars?) through the little hole in
> the stand thingy.  About half the time I eventually succeed, though
> I usually end up coated with bike grease.  This morning, I gave up,
> and locked my bike ineffectually to itself.  I just noticed that my
> hand is bleeding from the struggle.
> 

This reminds me of something I saw this morning that was REALLY funny.

At the bike rack was this bike that had been locked through its frame to the
rack. The front wheel was also locked to the rack through this lock.

Everything else was gone. Pedals. Back Wheel. Handlebars. Seat. Everything. 
They even took the chain. All that's left is the frame and the front wheel.


I'm sure there's a moral in there somewhere.


Later.

Mike
From: bill@wabworld.atl.ga.us (Bill Berbenich)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Alarm Surprize! (was Big mac's and students)
Date: 9 Oct 92 01:19:50 GMT
Organization: Shaque d'Amour

hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman) writes:

> K-Tell's Theorem: The length of time a song will remain lodged in one's
>         head is in direct proportion to its undesirability.
>      
>  
> (Dare I say it? What the hell...)
> 
> d "that's the way, uh huh uh huh, i like it" h 

I have heard a recent (like the last month or so) remake of K.C. and The 
Sunshine Band's "Please Don't Go" on the radio (and you people all 
thought I just listened to talk radio and Rush Limbaugh!).  It was enough 
to bring tears to my eyes.

The recent version is complete with a thumping bass line and little 
computer bleeps and buzzes.

I heard the song open up and thought to myself "Hey.  That sounds 
familiar.  What the hell was the name of that song?"  I should have 
immediately tuned away, but instead I fell into a trancelike state.  My 
pants bottoms belled out, my hair grew long and blow-dried, and then a 
white disco outfit appeared on my body from nowhere.

Scary...  And I was just a kinder when disco debuted.

--
"I'm not only the Hair Club president, but I'm also a client."
  -Sy Sperling
From: jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk (Jeremy Henderson)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Harpoon 'em if they can't take a joke
Keywords: bleeding-heart bunny huggers, water cannons
Date: 16 Oct 92 13:18:28 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <ldrbfmINNo3@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM> geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) writes:
~
~As for animals being "cruelly confined, come on; if they never experience 
~any other kind of existence, how bothered could they possibly be by whatever
~condition they have to endure during their short, meaningless lives?  Besides,
~they're only dumb animals, only a notch above plants in the greater scheme of
~things; it's not like they might develop a cure fo cancer or write immortal 
~literature, if they were only allowed to live.

Geoff's Right (tm). 'Sides, when was the last time you saw a half-way
decent posting by a *ruminant*?



-- 
===Jeremy Henderson===jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk=          

"Telling people how to think doesn't work. They always have stupid
 ideas of their own."
From: kingsley@hpwrce.mayfield.hp.com (Kingsley Morse)
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 23:38:20 GMT
Subject: Please Help
Organization: HP Western Response Center
Newsgroups: alt.peeves

              Please answer these 9 questions and return.

1.) Do you think equal rights for men and women is generally a good idea?
Yes                  [ ]
Sometimes            [ ]
No                   [ ]
Haven't heard enough [ ]
Other                [ ]

2.) Are you pro choice?
Yes                  [ ]
Sometimes            [ ]
No                   [ ]
Haven't heard enough [ ]
Other                [ ]

3.) Are you in favor of adoption?
Yes                  [ ]
Sometimes            [ ]
No                   [ ]
Haven't heard enough [ ]
Other                [ ]

4.) Do you think men should be allowed to legally terminate their parental
rights and responsibilities before fetal viability?
Yes                  [ ]
Sometimes            [ ]
No                   [ ]
Haven't heard enough [ ]
Other                [ ]

5.) What sex are you?
Male               [ ]
Female             [ ]

6.) How old are you?
Under 18           [ ]
19 to 65           [ ]
Over 65            [ ]

7.) What religion are you?
Protestant         [ ]
Catholic           [ ]
Jewish             [ ]
Other              [ ]

8.) What political party are you affiliated with?
Democratic         [ ]
Republican         [ ]
Other              [ ]

9.) How many years of education have you completed?
Grade School       [ ]
High School        [ ]
College            [ ]
More               [ ]
From: parr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Charles Parr)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Hare Triggers
Date: 8 Oct 92 13:55:44 GMT
Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta

In article <17744@autodesk.COM> booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards) writes:

>Uh, has anyone noticed that I am the only bunnyhugger in Peevetown? I
>feel like the rabbit in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". "THAT
>RABBIT'S DYNAMITE!" I feel so powerful. You don't know how gleeful I
>feel, sitting in my Undertaker's Office watching all of you scurry
>around like a bunch of schoolgirls in Bio lab after a white rat
>escaped.

    Well, I really despise needless death and cruel wanton
    destruction of Furry Woodland Animals With Big Brown Eyes,
    it's only that I classify death-for-my-stewpot as a
    *useful* and *desirable* end for, say, Mr Bun.

    Yet the testing of Bon Ami on bunny eyes offends me.
    They should test this shit on senators, members of 
    the legislature, and Mike Vernon (Goalie, Calgary Flames)
    instead.


>By the way, tomorrow is my birthday, so be nice to me.

    Watch it lady, or the staff of Chez Nips will gather
    around your table and sing the birthday song.

    May the candles on your cake
    burn like cities in your wake
    happy birthday (woof)
    happy birthday (woof)
 
    death destruction and despair
    people dying everywhere
    happy birthday (woof)
    happy birthday (woof)

    hear the women wail and weep
    kill them all but spare the sheep
    happy birthday (woof)
    happy birthday (woof)

    Now you've reached the age you are
    your demise cannot be far
    happy birthday...


So watch it, Richards, or you'll get the other 72 verses tomorrow
in a *collect* long distance call...

Regards, Charles
-- 
Within the span of the last few weeks I have heard elements of
separate threads which, in that they have been conjoined in time,
struck together to form a new chord within my hollow and echoing
gourd. --Unknown net.person
Newsgroups: alt.peeves,talk.religion.misc
From: drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux)
Subject: And Graced Unto the Child A Hole that The LIGHT Might Shine In
Organization: Castle WetWare Philosopher and Sniper
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 11:59:25 GMT

kmagnacca@eagle.wesleyan.edu writes:
] In article <1992Oct9.143029.2970@wetware.com>, drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux) writes:
] > geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) writes:
] > ] 
] > ] Why do people say "'Roman' Catholic?"  Isn't that redundant?  I'm not
] > ] aware that there's any other kind.  
] > 
] > Just Keep Thinking that and forget all the AngloCatholics
] > as a starter.....
] > 
] > Why do you think they are commonly called 'Anglicans'
] > 
] > Because they have all the Angles????
] 
]    Are you a total idiot?
] 
]    The Anglicans are not "AngloCatholics."  They hold many of the
] same traditions but do not have the Pope as head of the church, a
] rather fundamental difference.


Well, Isn't That Special....

Would You Kindly Tell that to the 'Smells and Bells'
Section of the Anglicans....

Yes, the Pope is the Apostate Bishop of Rome,
that part is at least true, and is Also NOT
the Head of the AngloCatholic confession.....

I know that the Moral Degeneracy of the LinearRegression
Model developed by the Wesleyan Brothers Lead them from
the True Faith into the Bondage of 'the method' - ever
wonder why the were Called Methodists......

So, Now, Karl, would You Like to try again....

ciao
drieux



-- 
Modern Day Problems:
In any case, don't give up, just type slower :-).
Chimo
Bob.
From: hosch2263@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Religion & Such
Date: 11 Oct 92 21:48:33 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

In article <BvxEwu.L8B@nic.umass.edu>, jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:
>In article <1992Oct9.144315.16505@dg-rtp.dg.com> cochran@spam.rtp.dg.com (A. Jing Hippy) writes:
> 
>>
>>It was your friend and his, Paul the Apostle, who added all of these other
>>nifty ideas such as the inferiority of women, "heathenism" of nonbelievers,
>>sexual constraints, and so forth.  The guy was a real mysoginist and 
>>homophobe, IMO.  Unfortunately, he's generally considered as the real founder
>>of Christianity.  If it hadn't been for him, Christ would have probably been
>>just another little-known philosopher in a small corner of the world.
>>

        This is true enough.  If you had told the Romans or the Greek that
writings from a second rate hill tribe (Hebrews) were going to form the basis
for the world's major religion, they would have called you crazy.
> 
> The really neat thing about old Paul was that the whole time that Christ
> was alive, Paul was dragging Him through the mud.  Of course, he was then
> *Saul* of Tarsus.  Anyway, he had a "miraculous" experience in the desert,
> changed his name (basically the same idea as changing your finger in hopes
> that you won't be identified with your earlier posts), and started undoing
> a lot of what Jesus had done.

        That's how Martin Luther got into religion. His 'miraculous' experience
was with a bolt of lightning.
> 
> Jesus spent a lot of time & energy trying to undo years of complication that
> the Pharisees had put into religion.  He was disgusted by the name calling and
> judgment passing.  He said all anyone REALLY had to do to be a good person
> was to love God more than anything, with your neighbor coming in a close 
> second, on a par with oneself.  I think this still stands up as about as good
> a philosophy as has been developed.
> 
        Please tell the Roman Catholics this.  I grew up one, and like most of
them, quit when I got older.  Catholic schools are intolerant and nothing short
of brainwashing.  And if you think that's bad, you should be at a Roman
Catholic wedding.

        Kitten 
********************************************************************************
"Excuse me. Have you ever    *  "Why is the sky blue?"
danced with the devil in     *  "Because if it was green, we wouldn't know
the pale moonlight?" (Wham!) *   where to stop mowing."
        -Batman              *                     -Night Court
*******************************************************************************

        I have PMS.  What's your excuse?
                hosch2263@uni.iscs.edu
From: Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Not Al Crawford)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Commercials!Commercials!
Date: 16 Oct 92 15:24:26 GMT
Reply-To: Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Not Al Crawford)
Organization: Penicuik People's Revolutionary Sheepdog Liberation Front

In article <1992Oct16.133606.24880@wetware.com> diana@wetware.com (CatWoman ) writes:
>
> What is apparently unique - or at any rate not peeveworthy on !Al's
> busses - is that we have busses with racks behind the driver where they
> put an assortment of bus schedules, route changes, rider information and
> so on.

The local equivalents here are the little "Please Take A Timetable" racks.
In all the time I've been catching the bus into work (since 1986) I have on
only *one* occasion even *seen* a timetable in these racks, and that was
for some incredibly obscure bus service that runs about once a month to
somewhere that nobody in their right mind would even want to go. If it
wasn't late on Friday afternoon and I wasn't so thoroughly pissed off, I'd
probably make up some sort of vaguely amusing explanation of what they're
*really* for, but it is and I am so I won't.

TimeTablePeeve: I picked up a timetable for the Scottish Citylink bus
service from Edinburgh through to Glasgow Airport. It tells you when the
buses leave but it doesn't tell you when the buses *arrive* at the other
end. Very useful, I must say. You know when your flight is leaving, you
know when the bus is leaving but you have no idea if the bus will get there
in time. Does it take an hour? Two hours? Six months? Actually, I checked
with the office and they informed me that through some freak timewarp their
bus manages to take 1hr and 45 minutes to make a journey that could
probably be made more quickly on a pogo-stick.

--
		Not Al Crawford - Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk
      "Brothers, sisters, we don't need this fascist sheepdog thang"
Newsgroups: alt.peeves,talk.religion.misc
From: jen187@mis.csiro.au (Graham Jenkins +61 6 276 6812)
Subject: Re: My eyes
Organization: CSIRO ITS
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 92 21:24:18 GMT

In article <BLS101.92Oct12140518@deakin.anu.edu.au> bls101@deakin.anu.edu.au (The New, Improved Brian Scearce) writes:
>
>ExtraPeeve:  I dropped one of my contact lenses the other day and the cat
>ate it!  So I had to spend $200 to get a new pair.  I'd have killed the cat
>only it cost me $150, *not* including food and vet bills.
>


you paid $150 for a CAT?????  I've got a nasty feeling that this
god person short changed you on more than just the eyes! Perhaps
you've been spending too much time in the ANU bar, you can get
brain damage just walking past that.


-- 

|  Graham Jenkins          |  graham.jenkins@its.csiro.au           | 
|  CSIRO                   |  (Commonwealth Scientific & Industrial | 
|  Canberra,  AUSTRALIA    |  Research Organisation)                |
From: bls101@deakin.anu.edu.au (The New, Improved Brian Scearce)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Cowardly Jesus Freaks (deh130@psuvm.psu.edu this means you)
Date: 15 Oct 92 12:49:27
Organization: Australian National University
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: 150.203.15.26


Why is it that whenever I post something to alt.peeves which even vaguely
takes the "Lord's" name in vain or fails to honour "Family values" that
Jesus freaks feel compelled to respond?

Their e-mail messages (they never have the courage to post their opinions)
invariably begin by saying "I don't want to preach but...", after which
they preach at length.  Their homilies usually take the form of scolding me
for not being grateful for all I've got but instead being selfish and
inconsiderate.  They chide me for bitching and complaining instead of being
thankful for all the things they believe their god gave me.

HEY, get a CLUE!  I was posting to alt.peeves, not
alt.looking.on.the.bright.side, not alt.being.grateful.for.what.you've.got.
No, I posted to ALT.FUCKING.PEEVES!

These e-mail messages are invariably full of grammatical errors and
spelling mistakes.  They also display the sender's lack of ability to use
basic tools.  In a feeble attempt at anonymity they don't sign their name
but fail to correctly edit their messages headers so their return address
remains.  They also never seem to have grasped the simple notion of hitting
a return at the end of every line.  They are plainly and clearly terminally
clueless.

Peeve:  Why isn't evolution removing these fucquestaynes from the gene
pool?

--
bls101@syseng.anu.edu.au
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've 
 never tried before." - Mae West
From: banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Chunderation (Deja Vu)
Date: 15 Oct 92 13:59:39 GMT
Organization: Sun, Moon, and Stars
NNTP-Posting-Host: abingdon

In article <1992Oct14.081821.8142@ac.dal.ca> 01sybok@ac.dal.ca writes:
>Is there any particular reason you posted this spewage twice, Banta,

Yeah.  I wanted to see if any flea-bitten chimps would preach to me
about how perfect their news systems are.

Now get back to picking your nits.

andy
banta@abingdon.sun.com
--
 Placard:  "Will work for food"
 Response: "Blow me!"
From: rickg@netcom.com (Rick Gordon)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Spokesman for Earth II: Punishment of the Innocents
Date: 8 Oct 92 19:14:19 GMT
Followup-To: alt.peeves
Organization: Netcom - SF Bay, Cal Northifornia

In article <1992Oct8.165734.5443@email.tuwien.ac.at> Alexander Vrchoticky writes:

>so where *was* the alt.peeves community when its voice was required? 
>shame on those who let this chance slip to leave their mark on 
>the penultimate chapter of the history of mankind. 
>shame also on geoff who let parochial matters distract him from earthly
>matters. and finally, a heartfelt `thank you' to rick and claudio who
>made the vote possible.

Geoff Miller, American got about twice as many votes for Spokesman for
Earth as for Mr. alt.tasteless 1991, but still it wasn't enough.  The
winning candidate (whose name slips my mind at the moment) marshalled
forces whose loyalty is blind and unquestioning.  I've heard rumors of
some, ah, "irregularities" in the submission of the votes, but I'll
have to leave the disposition of this issue to the Votemeister, who is
probably heartily sick of the whole thing by now.

>rick, care to let us know how the negotiations about the ratification
>of the vote are going? while i am convinced that the a.a.v. readers
>is a representative sample of the planet's population, i personally feel 
>that a clear statement of support by at least the G7 could only strengthen
>the position of our spokesman.

Somebody further from Berkeley than I will have to accept this mission of
solidarity.  Related: NASA's Operation This Time For Sure, No Kidding
starts next Monday (this is the mostly-automated SETI project), so the
services of the Spokesman may be needed soon.

>Alexander Vrchoticky             alex@vmars.tuwien.ac.at


-- 
Rick Gordon      | "Often in error, never in doubt." 
rickg@netcom.com |   --- Universal Marketing Department motto
From: dab@ism.isc.com (Dave Butterfield)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: rot13
Date: 16 Oct 92 16:29:56 GMT
Organization: x
NNTP-Posting-Host: change

=Some people have asked about the disappearance of "rot13" from some
=rotated jokes.  At first, that was because I forgot to tell X to do
=that.   However, people asked for it back because they had automatic
=software to detect the rot13 keyword and decrypt.
=
=Of course, that defeats the whole point of rot13, which is that you
=MANUALLY have to make the decision to decrypt.  I won't permit you to
=make the decision to decrypt everything without human intervention.  You
=are expected to read the other keywords and decide whether to read.
=
=So from now on, no machine-understandable keyword indicating encryption
=will be provided.   Yes, clearly it's not too hard to write a program
=to detect rot13 text anyway, but I must ask that people not do this.  I
=do not want people saying, "Well, I figured I could take anything so I
=set it up to auto-decrypt but that last one was JUST NOT FUNNY."

Peeve: People who are anal-retentive about protecting other people
       from themselves.

-- 
Many doors suddenly open to you when you realize you're a sociopath.
From: parr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Charles Parr)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: The Usual Trivia
Date: 9 Oct 92 21:13:21 GMT
Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta

In article <17750@autodesk.COM> booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards) writes:

>Peeve: Power outages. I hate setting the time on all the little
>electronic clocks in my place. I also wish I had not lost my watch
>in Albuquerque.

Well it could be worse, you could have left your heart there.
Whoops, you *were* talking about New Mexico, so I guess that's
a bit improbable.

Regards, Charles
-- 
Within the span of the last few weeks I have heard elements of
separate threads which, in that they have been conjoined in time,
struck together to form a new chord within my hollow and echoing
gourd. --Unknown net.person