From: v119qkv2@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (POE)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Help! What should I do? (Very long)
Date: 9 Oct 92 17:47:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <2927505459.3.p00139@psilink.com>, p00139@psilink.com (Raistlin Majere) writes...
>>DATE:   6 Oct 92 15:43:00 GMT
>>FROM:   POE <v119qkv2@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu>
>>
>>	I have a problem.  I really have nowhere else to turn, so I'm seeking 
>>the advice of total strangers here on the net.  Here's the situation...
> 
>	We're here to help, Mike....

So I noticed.  Thank you and everyone else that's responded.

>>	I'm interested in a girl.  She and I are good friends.  She has a boy-
>>friend.  He and I are friends.  Not "best" friends, but friends nonetheless.
>>He and She have been going out for over a year.  However, they have been having
>>relationship problems for quite some time.  It seems they have a little spat at
>>least once a week.  Both have threatened to "breakup" many, many times, but yet
>>they're still together.
>>	Everyone following this, :-)?
> 
>	....I think the story might carry the ring of familiarity with
>	some...........
>>
>	<Lots of story deleted for brevity>
>>been "experimenting" for about a month now.  She does not know this, and if
>>She did, She would not be happy (to say the least).
> 
>	....to say the least.....
> 
>>	Also, all the "romance" seems to have drifted from their relationship.
>>They seem to be just going through the motions.  She has mentioned to me that
>>She really does not want to breakup with Him, no matter the reason, just 
>>because they have been going out for so long.
> 
>	Ah yes, the ol' "habit" thing............
> 
>>  He seems to take her for granted.
> 
>	Stop, man, you're killin' me!!!
>	<Insert "Malevolent, Mocking, Satanic, Laughter"[tm] Here>
> 
>>They rarely go out alone together (one of the reasons I have been spending so
>>much time with her).  No flowers, no candy, no romantic walks, etc..  Many
>>nights I have taken Her home, while He stays out and parties with the boys.
>>	Still following, :-)?
> 
>		....so far, so good.....
> 
>>  OK, now Her relationship with me.  Over the
>>past few months, we have gotten really close.  Whether or not this is a direct
>>result of their problems, I do not know.  The time we spend together is mostly
>>done at bars and parties, but when at a bar/party, we usually spend the entire
>>evening together.  We go out or talk on the phone together at least twice a 
>>week.  These conversations usually center around Her problems with Him.  Also,
>>She has stated (perhaps in anger or jest, but nonetheless) that She hates all
>>men with the exception of me.
> 
>	Very familiar. 
> 
>	Clue:
> 
>		Stay out of the way. You're going to get hurt.
> 
>	But I'll save the rest for below....let's continue, shall we?....
> 
>>	There is also the matter of the other people involved in this mess.  He
>>is well-liked by Her family.  She is well-liked by His family.  I'm well-liked
>>by Her family.  The three of us, for the most part, have the same friends.
>>So, if I were to "make a play", things could get really messy.
> 
>	....to say the least.....
> 
>>	Damn, this is getting long.  Anyway, to give you some more to think
>>about (that is if you are still reading this), to compare His and my "looks",
>>I'd have to say that he is better lookin on the simple principle that She is
>>with Him and not me.  I'm not even going to try to figure out what a woman
>>finds attractive in a guy.
> 
>	At the risk of blowing my whole misogynistic mystique, I have
>	to say that you aren't giving her any credit - and you are 
>	selling yourself short. People aren't as shallow as that.

Hey, I'm not saying "this is the way it is...".  I'm reaching, trying to make
some sense out of all this.

>	(WHAT AM I SAYIN'!!?? IS THIS REALLY *ME* TALKIN'??!!??)

I hope so.  Although you could be possessed by demons.  One never knows :-).

>	I sincerely doubt she is with him because he is "better looking".
>	I would venture that it is more because "old habits die hard",
>	and she is comfortable with him. You are also not taking into
>	account the "lost puppy" syndrome of 90% of the female gender.
>	(AH! That sounds more like the ol' *me*)
> 
>	He ignores her. This is the key. He also seems to be kind of
>	a "bad boy" - this makes him doubly irresistable(sp). She 
>	is trying to make the "bad boy/lost puppy" love her. The more
>	he ignores her, and the worse he treats her - the more she'll 
>	cling to him. Take my word on this one - if you get mixed up
>	in this (any more than you *already* are) you are setting yourself
>	up for one big *OUCH*.

OUCH.  Don't worry about me getting hurt, <sniff>.  I'm made of stone <sniff,
sniff, sob>.  Really, I'd say my chances are slim at best, so I'm sort of
expecting worst.  Remember, keep expectations low.  That way, average looks
superior. :-).
	
>	You're not done, yet, though, so let's continue....
> 
>>  However, for the record, I'm not some freak-of-
>>nature.  I guess you could say I'm an ordinary average guy.  She, on the other
>>hand, is drop-dead beautiful.  This is not just my opinion.  My friends and
>>total strangers have all confirmed this to be fact.  Also, She's 18.  I'm 21.
>>He's 19.  The age difference may be a hangup for Her.  
> 
>	Doubtful. The age difference is hardly that vast.
> 
>>	Now this is where you come in.  What do I do?  Should I forget about 
>>Her and go on with my life?  Should I just convince Her to call it off, and
>>then wait and see if something develops between us?  Should I let nature take
>>it's course, and see if they break up on their own?  Should I throw all my 
>>cards out on table, tell Her how I feel about Her and tell Her she would be
>>better off with me than Him?  Any other suggestions?  Are you now as confused
>>as I am?  Please give me some feedback on this either on the board or via email.
>>Thank you for your time.
> 
>	Don't think with your dick. Best advice I can give you.

Don't worry.  "Richard" has no part in this.  It's not her looks that attract
me.  It's her whole person, not what's on the outside, but what's on the inside.

>	Trust me. You might get to the point where she will go out
>	with you - but odds are (Oh please little "Lotto" wizard,
>	I bought three thousand tickets!) she will dump you at some
>	point and go running straight back to....<wait for it!>...HIM.

It's possible.

>	Do you value her as a friend? If you do, leave it alone. Let
>	her work it out for herself, but *stay* out of it. At 18, she
>	is an emotional see-saw and you won't get anything out of this
>	but complete, abject misery. I've been this route and I speak
>	from experience. You will just end up losing both of them as
>	friends and suffer the final ignominy of seeing her back with
>	him.
Not only is she 18, but she is also a woman.  'Nuff said :-).  Don't worry,
I plan on taking things slow.  One thing I don't want to do is lose her 
friendship.

>	"Misery on two legs" - 'nuff said.
> 
>	Just some small impartation of advice and wisdom from your
>	ol' Uncle Raist.......
> 
>>
>>					Totally confused,
> 
>				Get used to it...........
>>						Mike Poe
>*****************************************************************************
>		"Women are often thought to be profound.
>	 	 Why? Because they are percieved to have great
>		 depth - Women aren't even shallow!....."
>				 	- Freiderich Nietzsche
>*****************************************************************************
>	      Raistlin Majere @ Tower of High Sorcery - Palanthas
>*****************************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.romance