From: starkid@ddsw1.MCS.COM (Lance Sanders)
Subject: AMC: Godzilla Speaks Update (c) 920403
Organization: EnviraForm
Distribution: na
Date: Sun, 5 Apr 1992 18:57:35 GMT


(c)

        ***  Godzilla Speaks Update --- Friday, April 3, 1992  ***
             ------------------------------------------------
                             Brought to you by:

                              WHATSA MATTA U.
                 "Quality Education --- With An Attitude"


                         "Ancient Chinese Secret"
                                   Day
                         ------------------------


                                Storylines
                                ----------
                     (ranked by relative superiority)


[A]     Swill is buried, and only Dix and Steven attend the "service".

[B]     Dr. Blue Jeans finds * THE * videotape!

[C]     Angelique Speaks!  "...not...want...divorce..."
        Jack "I'm on a roll" Montgomery is hired to represent the Lique-ster.

[D]     Brian is arrested in high school as The Tink throws a hissy fit!
        Jack "Who else?" Montgomery is hired to represent Brian.
        



        Happy Birthday!:   To the 37-acre, 1500-year-old fungus growing
        ---------------    among the roots of hardwood trees in Crystal
                           Falls, Mich. C'mon! Everybody! Happy B-day to you,
                           Happy B-day, tooooooo you, Happy B-day dear
                           Armillaria bulbosa, happy b-day...wait......
                           Margaret, don't light those can-    [FOOOSH!]
                                     AIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!



       Line of the Week:   jql@cypress.com (Julie Lewis--Applications)
       ----------------    [Re: Natalie trying to hire Jack for Trevor]

                                "HEY NAT!  BUNS UP OR BUTT OUT!"


  Sentiment of the Week:   v101pyrw@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Michelle L. Zafron)
  ---------------------    [RE: Erica's divorce rationales]

                            "1.Bianca was born BEFORE Travis
                              and Erica were married.
                             2.Illegitimacy has no bearing
                              on a custody case.

                              All this tired plot device has done 
                              is to prove that Erica is dumb 
                              beyond belief and that Jack and 
                              Walter Hines got their law degrees 
                              the same way Dan Quayle did.  So no 
                              more!!!  Get more creative."


        Update Specials:    P.V.B.B. (Pine Valley Bachelors Bulletin)
        ---------------     GEnie's Peek At The Soaps




Storyline [D]:
-------------

   Hayley (wearing makeup and pastel clothing, no black today, folks) and 
Brian (the recipient of a sincere handshake of repentance from Pops and a 
promise to take care of the "An Li" situation) trot off to school, unaware 
that Dick Hamilton spied them sucking major face the previous night, and 
now wants Brian's immediate arrest (best suspect - motive, opportunity AND 
fingerprints). 

   Trevor goes ballistic ("Yesirree, folks, it's amateur hour"), and Mimi 
and Derek threaten to resign rather than take the kid in, but the Ham-ster 
[Brumpt-TING!] calls their bluff (he's bucking for mayor), and they're 
forced to back down. [ED.: with Jethro X in the pokey, the real killer is 
more likely to slip up...] 

   Brian is arrested at school before An "Zero Semicid " Li can tell a 
friendly-overture-making Tink that she and Bodine boinked. Hayley freaks 
as Jeth X is cuffed and led out the door by Mimi and FryeGuy, and a just-
transported Pops and Trevor have their hands full trying to control her. 
As Halo goes off for the third time ("You can't take him!"), the Li-ster 
calmly walks over and brainslaps her ("You're only making matters worse; 
he's my husband - I'll handle it"), offering cruel counterpoint to Brian's 
dramatic "Get Jack Montgomery!". :) 


 
Storyline [C]:
-------------

   Da Prince gets combo-slapped by Air Witch and Angelique, who hire Jack 
Montgomery to contest his plans for divorce. Dimitri tries to counter by 
blaming it all on Helga, but the Lique-ster breaks his face by uttering 
her first extended communique: "Please...no divorce...try...I want to be 
with you...Natalie is not here...gone!...I am here...if I'm well...you and 
me...again...love me...again!...I feel...NOT over...please...just 
chance...please...". The D-man is forced to back down under the 
circumstances (insisting on divorce at that point would have been like 
blowing a puppy's brains out with a shotgun), and Jack (you need to farm 
out some of those clients, brother) takes the case. 
   Super-horny, recovering coma victim: 1   Nat-icized wealthy husband: 0



Storylines [A,B]:
----------------

   Blue Jeans arrives chex Cortlandt to accompany the family to Swill's 
funeral, only to find out that nobody is going (Palmer is out of town, Dix 
talked Laney out of flying in from Paris, and Opal, who WAS going to 
attend, takes the party line and a pass). Steven insists that Dix needs 
the experience as cartharsis, but Craig essentially tells him to f__k off, 
then hightails it over to WeirdWind to go over the game plan w/ 
GloBoNurse. Jack (just leaving) takes him to task for spending so much 
time with Gloria ("everytime I see you, you're just dropping her off or 
just arriving..."). 

   BJ shows up at the burial alone, but -surprise!- Dixie transports over 
before Will can be deep-sixed, delivering an obligatory wailing-on-her-
knees-before-the-coffin scene. Back chez Cortlandt, Steven offers to spare 
Dix unnecessary grief by completing Will's "last request" and going 
through the attic trunk for her! And yes, kids, he finds the videotape in 
about five seconds! 

   Slap me silly and break out the popcorn!

   CLIFFHANGER!
 





Update Special:          Pine Valley Bachelors Bulletin
--------------                     April '92



   Cadets, as spring begins to jump us like a Paris model in heat, it's 
time to get our act in gear in order to meet the demands of summer 
entertaining. 

   Item (1):  Don't toss those Mickey's Malt Liquor dark green glass 
"wide-mouth" bottles after you've finished chugging (affectionately 
referrred to as "grenades"). They make great hydroponic containers for 
plants and cuttings. Soak in hot water to remove the label. Make up a 
growing solution using "Schultz Instant Plant Food" (7 drops to a quart of 
water - let the water stand overnight to get rid of the chlorine). Take 
cuttings from low-light plants (heart-leafed philodendron, golden pothos, 
syngonium, etc.), insert into bottles, and plop those suckers anywhere 
there's routine illumination (natural or fluorescent).  Change the 
solution weekly. 

              A "green" apartment makes a woman horny. 
              Cuttings today --- poontang tomorrow.


   Item (2):   Stock up on "cleaning essentials" --- baking soda, hydrogen 
peroxide, salt and liquid peppermint soap. A half-box of soda placed in 
the washer with your regular detergent really makes a difference in how 
clean your clothes get. A couple of open boxes of soda hidden in corners 
of the house or apartment keeps the air smelling fresh. 
               Forget toothpaste. A 3:1 mix of baking soda and salt, with 
enough hydrogen peroxide to make a slushy paste, is superior. Attacks the 
bacteria that attack your gums. 
               A strong solution of castile peppermint soap ("Dr. 
Bronner's") in distilled water will kill plant pests when spritzed on 
daily for 3-4 days. A weak solution spritzed on a couple of times a week 
(more frequently in very hot weather) will keep plant leaves free of dust 
and add a nice shine, as well as stimulate growth. 
               Dr. Bronner's applied in concentrated form to dry, washed 
feet will knock athlete's foot "out of the box" in about a week. Clean 
feet make a lasting impression on that "dream girl", fellas. 
 

   Next bulletin:  Separating The Men From The Boys ---
                   Cooking Her That All-Important First Dinner





GEnie's Peek At The Soaps
-------------------------

***Soap Opera News 4/3/92***


Up Periscope
------------

*   After viewing the Craig-Gloria sex tape, Stephen fights with Craig over 
*Dixie. Craig gets Stephen to admit his love for Dixie.  When Stephen 
*alleges to Dixie that Craig is hiding something, Dixie sides with her 
*husband.  Trevor and Jeremy try to retrieve a gun that Adam and Arlene said 
*was thrown in the river, but Mimi and Derek find it first. 


Rankings
--------

[(c) All My Features, Inc. 1991]

1 "The Young and the Restless"
2 "All My Children"
3 "General Hospital"
4 "As the World Turns"
5 "One Life to Live"
6 "Guiding Light" [ED.: just won a writer's guild award for best teleplays]
7 "Days of Our Lives"
8 "The Bold and the Beautiful"
9 "Another World"
10 "Santa Barbara"
11 "Loving"  [ED.: being recast with a bunch 'o teenagers...]

---------                                       ___                      
Lance Sanders                      ___....-----'---`-----....___         
starkid@ddsw1.MCS.COM        =========================================   
GE Mail: L.Sanders6                 ___`---..._______...---'___         
Vox: (312) 667-5958                (_*_)      _|_|_|_      (_*_)         
                                     \\____.-'_.---._`-.____//           
"Jackin' For Starships"                ~~~~`.__`---'__.'~~~~            
                                               ~~~~~           

Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps