From: mimir@hardy.u.washington.edu (Al Billings)
Newsgroups: alt.magick
Subject: The Chalice of Ecstacy, part 1
Date: 12 Jan 1993 08:42:28 GMT
Organization: The Friends of Loki Society
NNTP-Posting-Host: hardy.u.washington.edu




                          The Chalice of Ecstacy 


                 Being a Formula of Open-ended Initiation 
                           Suited for this AEon 
               Based upon a merger of the Tree of Perfection 
                          with the Cup of Babalon 
                       under the Auspices of Jupiter 

                        Promulgated by Frater PVN, 
                       Master of Forbidden Alchemies 
                 -->by no Authority, other than his own<-- 

     During 3 different opera during the first pentad of Arachnae of this 
year (May 16-21, 1984 e.v.) the fleeting images which usually follow VIIIo 
orgasm were `blacked-out' by an overwhelming vision which began with Don 
Karr's Tree of Perfection.  In earlier work with his Tree, there had been 
a strong tendency for it to `evolve' gradually (yet purpose- fully) into 
the Jovian Tree of expansion (Kether=Pluto, Chokmah=Uranus, Neptune=Binah, 
Daa"th=Jupiter,Chesed=Venus, Geburah=Mercury, Tiphereth= Sol, 
Netzach=Mars, Hod=Saturn, Yesod=Luna), with an ensuing melt-down of the 
Paths into marbelized colored wax matrix as Jupiter went `Nova' and became 
a star.  The meltdown of the Paths `imbedded' the Sephiroth into the 
`backdrop' of the Universal continuity, while interconnecting each sphere 
to every other sphere by all the Paths. 

   But in these 3 opera, the transition was abrupt & without any hint of 
progression (like switching energy states by means of a quantum leap).  
What happened next was common to all 3 visions, but the detail of 
resolution of the vision has improved with repitition.  

First: Jove/Daa"thgoes `nova' & becomes a self-luminous body.  Its color 
is Royal blue rayed with filaments of fine orangey gold which emmanate as 
fine spider-webbed strands from the center of the Sphere & progressively 
become twisted snake-like pseudopods which extend beyond the boundary of 
the Sphere of Daa"thto touch the marbelized back-drop of Paths (very 
lightly, like a spider testing her web for distant thrummings). 

Second: The sun turns brilliant lemon-yellow with a network of royal 
purple strands (much like Jove's strands, but much finer in texture).  
Luna becomes a grail-shaped crescent of electric ultra-violet.  Saturn 
becomes so black it looks more like a void than a color.  Mars becomes a 
bright blood-red.  Venus becomes an iridescent Kelly green while Mercury 
becomes a rich glowing psychedelic pumpkin orange.  

Third: The Tree then begins to fold over itself & take on a palpable 
three-dimensionality. The upper 4 Sephiroth fold outward, so that the 
plane which defines them lies perpendicular to the axis of the Tree.  Each 
of these 4 spheres becomes an irridescent narcotic gemstone on the rim of 
a celestial chalice.  Kether becomes a brilliant white star (Sothis), 
Uranus becomes a `justified' higher vibration of Mercury (feminine 
emphatic androgyne whose anus has been filled with the semen of his 
children) & becomes a shining pearl [i.e., Uranus who ate his children 
becomes your-anus who receives the seed of his children in joy]. The 
sterile mother at Binah becomes the three-pronged transmitter of the 
energies of the Trident of Set.  Each of her prongs is tipped with a jewel 
(ruby, emerald & a royal blue stone) of the same crystaline composition. 

   Sol becomes the point at which the bowl of the chalice joins the stem.  
Venus & Mercury become twin serpents which emmanate from Sol (like 
distended sperm) & encircle the inner surface of the bowl 3-1/2 times The 
between Sol & the rim of the cup.  Looking down on the rim, Mercury 
spirals deosil & touches the rim twixt Jove & Uranus; Venus spirals 
widdershins & meets the rim twixt Sothis & Neptune.  Sol then elongates 
into a pillar of yellow fire with a surface network of royal purple 
`veins' which distends downward to touch the Lunar Crescent.  The Lunar 
Crescent then moves up thru the Sun & into the bowl of the challice, where 
it atomizes into a vaporous electrical dew, the color of the light 
transmitted by a Wratten 18A filter (infra-red + ultra-violet, with no 
visible light transmitted). Saturn & Mars move inward to stand beside the 
pillar of fire like the red & black testicles of the Maha lingam.  The 
marbelized paths become the shell of the body of the chalice -- providing 
passive background support & communication among all of the Sephiroth. 

   The rim of the chalice then begins to vibrate (like a wet finger rubbed 
along the rim of a crystal goblet filled with fine wine) as a `mating 
call' to those who would drink from the cup of initiation.  The black 
Saturnian testicle represents the in-drawing of sexual power during 
periods of silence, while the red Martial testicle represents the outward 
surge of spontaneous orgasm during periods of speech.  The golden phallus 
transmits both of these energies to the cup of Babalon, where it is 
structured & directed by the twin haploid lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus) 
within the menstruum of the trans-Abysal Lunar `fluid', called Purpura of 
Ghee -- a specialized form of Azoth.  The royal road (purple network on 
the solar Maha-Lingam) absorbs a portion of the Purpura of Ghee for the 
education & enlightenment of the red and black testicles (whose Office is 
to wear masks of imbalance upon the outer).  

   Who (Hu?) is to drink from this chalice of ecstacy?  Certainly not he 
who channeled its contents thru the Spheres of the outer Order.  Certainly 
not she who refined the elixir by means of the feminine & masculine 
principles of Alchemy and concentrated it within the cup of Babalon.  We 
are often warned of the dire consequences if the Whore of Babalon drinks 
from her own cup.  Who is to drink from this Chalice?  Is it reserved for 
the Gods alone, or are there also certain classes of mere mortals who may 
safely imbibe its contents as well? 


   The Whore of Babalon shares her cup with all, for she knows that no man 
may taste of its hidden delights save thru the purity of his heart & the 
transparancy of his soul.  The contents of her cup is the Elixir of 
Immortality of the Gods, yet it may be drunk by anyone who is Fool enough 
to actively seek initiation.  

   The rim Sephiroth are transmitters/emitters of energy and modes of 
specialization.  Drink from each in turn, or all at once.  The serpents 
channel, temper, & skulpt the energy of the cup in accord with Will.  
Their venom is deadly, while their kiss is ecstacy.  The aspirant is the 
Dove who descends upon the cup from beyond the microcosm of the Alchemist.  
He (the dove being active in approach to the Cup is masculine, while the 
cup of the Chalice is Feminine) bears the host (the army of his un-
tempered desires & un-tested aspirations) as a token `payment' for a taste 
of the dew of immortality.  The host transforms the cup even as the Dove 
is transformed by her, for initiation is rarely one-way. 
                                *   *   * 

   More details gained while in half-awake state after a phonecall awoke 
me this morning (23 May,`84). I was drifting back to sleep when images of 
the Chalice of Ecstacy worked their way into my consciousness.  I saw that 
the black & red scrotal Sephiroth were concentrations derived from the 
Jachin/Boaz pillars of the old Tree.  The black sphere of Saturn embodies 
the essence of Jachin (God makes him firm) as the outer symbol for the 
formula of karezza.  In this formula, the male ejaculatory current is 
reversed & repeated stimulation causes a Saturnian in-drawing of vital 
essence from the trans-Abyssal cup to nourish the Will.  The red sphere of 
Mars is the embodiment of Boaz (eagerness, strength) which represents the 
spontaneous & auto-motive orgasm which is beyond the conscious control of 
the Alchemist.  Together they symbolize the formula of IT (the un-manifest 
& manifest phallus) -- see Crowley's comments on the Book of Lies.  

   I then began to see the Chalice on other levels.  The Chalice of 
Ecstacy is the fruit of the Tree of initiation which is also a map of the 
esoteric nervous system of the Magus.  To those `outside' of the Magus's 
Universe, the Chalice appears very feminine & passive (for they are unable 
to perceive the dynamic Yin/Yang inner workings of the scrotum & Lingam).  
The aspirant is the male dove whe comes to drink the nectar of 
transformation.  Thus, the members of the outer Order are men, while the 
aspirants to the inner Order are women. 

   Those who have attained to the inner Order embody both the Masculine 
virtues of the Outer Order, & the Feminine virtues of the Second Order. 
The members of the trans-Abyssal Third Order seek always for further 
initiation.  They work continuously to integrate new initiations into the 
fabric of their beings.  They are ever ready to offer what they have to 
those aspirants who desire to drink of their Cup.  The members of the 
Third Order are divine gynanders -- those feminine emphatic androgynes who 
embody the quintessence of the Alchemical Marriage.  The substance of 
their Chalice is their uniqueness which sets each of them apart from other 
members of the Third Order.  The contents of the Chalice is a distillation 
of Azoth -- the Universal Solvent. The body of the Alchemist must be inert 
to to the actions of the Purpura of Ghee, else it will disolve in ecstacy 
& cease to manifest as a unique entity.  However, the Alchemist seeks 
always to expose h-im/er-self to the Azoth of other Chalices in the hope 
that s/he may attain disolution.  The dynamic balance of the testicles of 
Jachin & Boaz are crucial to this on-going task. 

   The developing symbolism in these visions is wonderous to me, yet its 
practical application seems so obvious to me that I feel I must be missing 
something.  But, in the interest of completeness, allow me to belabor the 
obvious. 

   The lower 2 spheres are a specialized application of the energies of 
Mars & Saturn to the task of Sexual Alchemy using the formulae of IT & 
Solvae et Coagula.  The Golden phallus of Tiphareth is the ego of the 
Alchemist made firm thru divine inspiration & nourished by the absorbtion 
of a portion of the elixir thru the purple nerve-net over its external 
surface.  The body of the chalice is the pyramid of the Master, turned 
inside-out to offer the dew of immortality to all, rather than secreting 
it away like a black brother.  The twin lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus) 
are the active (initiate) masculine & feminine componants of the Alchemist 
which act as independent self-motivated agents of the aspiring Ego (the 
Star in its go-ing).  The supernals (including Daa"th)delineate the 
specialized nature of the cup of initiation which the Magus offers to the 
world (i.e., h-is/er specialized Magickal Current), while the Chalice is 
filled with the Universal solvent which initiates all who dare to imbibe 
it.  The Chalice is the glyph for both the Wand & the Cup.  Its rim is 
studded with the four elements and is thus the embodiment of the 
integrated Magickian.  The Chalice is both the Tree of Life & the Cup of 
Babalon.  It is the 3rd Order's symbol for that which is called the Rosey-
Cross by the Second Order.  Aspirants to the Third Order are warned never 
to drink from the Cup of Babalon, yet the Magi of the Third Order subsist 
almost exclusively upon its contents.  

   Because of the universal nature of the Chalice's elixir, an aspirant 
will rarely become a Master in the image of his initiator.  The contents 
of the Chalice is the precursor to information (DNA, initiation into a 
specific Magickal Current, etc.), rather than information itself.  Purpura 
of Ghee is infinitely transmutable by the Will of the aspirant in his 
journey from student to Ipsissimus, and is (in this AEon) not influ- 
enceable by the Will of the initiator.  

   This is a radical departure from previous AEons in which the Master 
dictated & controlled the development of initiation within the body/soul 
of the Aspirant.  In the previous AEon, the formula for the Master was the 
pyramid, symbolizing the containment & the metering-out of the elixir of 
immortality.  The primamry vice of Masters who work the formula of the 
pyramid is Simony -- the restriction of initiation for personal gain 
(acquisition of wealth; consolidation of power over others who posses 
contrary world-views; centralization & control-over prophesy/inspira- 
tion; and the promulgation of unimpeachable dogma).  The restriction of 
initiation to pre-defined channels profits the power elite at the expense 
of the Magickal Current itself. Corruption of the Alchemical Chalice is 
the universal result of mis-application of the formula of the Pyramid.  A 
sure sign of such corruption is the silencing of those who question 
authority (censorship of non-traditional views, excommunication of 
heretics or removing them from positions of authority, or {in extreme 
cases} torture & murder of those who dare to ignore the promulgations of 
the power elite. 

   Those whose Will is to work with the Chalice of Ecstacy have vowed to 
release all aspirants from any/all requirements of patriotic fealty to us 
personally, to the Will of our particular Current, and to any dogmas 
associated with our Magickal Path.  As initiators, we are an open channel 
of inspiration for all who drink from our cup.  We may offer specialized 
initiations &/or courses of training, but it is up to each seeker to make 
of these initiations what he will.  We do our Will consciously and with 
full responsibility for all of our actions and our non-actions.  We do not 
hide our ignorance behind the veil of secrecy, neither do we play the role 
of humble servents who do but `follow the Will of the Secret Chiefs'.  
Obligations between any student or neophyte & any Master or Magus are 
always open to discussion, and can have no `hidden strings' attached to 
them.  

   But this does not mean that Masters are obligated to devote their lives 
to training students with no recompense.  Workers in any field of endeavor 
(be it magick, medicine, architecture, or aught else) are deserving of 
compensation for their efforts.  An under-study, chela or apprentice must 
expect to carry-out certain tasks &/or pay certain fees in exchange for 
training.  As in more mundane apprenticeships, the exact nature of the 
exchange is open to discussion at any point along the Path.  
Apprenticeship training replaces the life-long indentured servitude to 
enshrined Dogma which has long been the hallmark of the pyramidal 
centralization of power practiced in the previous AEon. 

   Magical Orders which continue to be based upon the closed systems of 
the previous AEon will undoubtedly oppose our efforts to cause the pyramid 
to flower.  As we find more & more ways to drink from their cups of 
initiation without becoming bound to their obligations, our success will 
be a proof to all who are drawn to us.  

   There are those who claim that it is not possible to drink from any cup 
of initiation of the previous AEon without being bound to its obligations.  
They choose to discard all ties with the pyramidal Orders in order to 
forge links of their own with the inner Order.  In some cases, it may not 
be possible for individuals to absolve themselves of their obligations to 
repressive Orders without abnegating all initiation in the process. 
However, in most instances the ingenious initiate is fully capable of 
freeing h-im/er-self from the restrictive bonds of pyramidal Orders 
without breaking any oaths.  The demonstration of the proof of this 
theorem is left as an exercise for those who aspire to Mastership thru the 
use of this formula.  


   Previous AEons have been governed by a LOGOS, or Word which when 
uttered by the Ipsissimus of the AEon served to mold all Currents of that 
AEon to the pattern of the LOGOS.  The previous AEonic formula was that of 
Patriarchy.  Assertion of the right of man to rule woman was practiced in 
China as much as it was by the Church of Rome.  The Matriarchal AEon 
before that was little different, save in the `flavor' of its Dogma.  
However, in this AEon, those who have thus far attained the right to utter 
the LOGOS of the AEon have refused to do so.  Those who have become 
Masters in this AEon are therefore bound to no particular AEonic formula, 
but are free to work with whatever formula(e) is/are aligned with the 
Current which it is their Will to transmit/reify. 


   At this nexus of Space/Time/Alternity there is healthy competition 
among myriad non-exclussive AEonic formulae, with much cross-fertiliza- 
tion among heretofore contradictory Currents.  But cross-initiation is 
strictly voluntary and is not neccessitated by the LOGOS of this AEon.  
Specialized Currents often require isolation & silence to incubate in 
fullness.  During incubation, they may appear to be practicing the dis- 
eased isolation of the black brothers.  However, such may not be the case.  
Only time & the success or failure of a particular formula can attest to 
its efficacy.  We are in an AEon where everyone can aspire to his/her own 
LOGOS.  Let us do so in concert with all of our fellow Magi. 


finis. 


   Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for 
TUESDAY the 08th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,829.06> Moon 
being 8.0 Days old.  [1:30pm] 

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. 

   On my little excursion the other night I met a deer.  It may have been 
a stag, but I am not sure because I think that the stags lose their horns 
this time of year.  It was on the road & I stopped the car.  We sniffed 
each other out & touched noses, before the deer decided that it had better 
things to do. 

   My meeting with the deer was exhilirating, but did little to quiet my 
restlessness.  When I returned from the store, I went to bed. 

   Not much dream memories on Sunday morning, except at the very end of my 
sleep.  My dream crystal had gone-off by itself & was inaccessable to my 
physical self.  I `found' the crystal (on Monday night) wedged between my 
matress & the wall -- in a place where I know I had searched for it a few 
days earlier.  Now that it has returned from its journey. I now have 
regained much strong consciousness of my dream life.  I often wonder where 
crystals `go' when they seemingly evaporate from this reality.  Oh Shinnah 
says they are `hiding', but I feel that there is more to the mystery than 
simple pranks.  Such mysteries need more information.  In the meantime, 
here is what I remember of my Sunday morning dream.  

   In my dream I was on the sandy shore of a great sea.  Long grass grew 
in the sand.  There was an old temple, seemingly abandonded, surrounded by 
unkempt lawns & gardens. Wild goats grazed the grass & a stag (the one I 
met on the way to town?) stood off on a nearby hilltop.  I attempted to 
walk to the temple, but the grass restrained my legs & prevented me from 
approaching any closer.  The restraint was not the mindless tangle of 
earthly vegetation, but the cooperative effort of many simple minds 
working cooperatively for a distinct purpose (like ants or cluster flies).  
The grass did not halt me when I retreated back to the shoreline. 

   Then I noticed that whenever a goat entered the sea, it turned into a 
fish -- not all at once, but front to back.  The goat would go to the edge 
of the water & kneel its forelegs down & put its face & front end in the 
water.  As the wet portions turned into a fish, it would thrust-off from 
the beach with its hindlegs (like a man launching a dingy from a beach) & 
complete the transition.  The entire operation was both fast & smooth, 
with no akwardness or hesitation.  All that was left of the goat was a 
beard & curly horns on the fish. 

   Fish were also coming out of the sea.  First they would approach the 
beach from underwater & beach themselves with their heads held high out of 
the water.  As the gentle waves retreated from their bodies, their heads & 
forelegs became those of goats.  The goats would then pull themselves onto 
the beach with their forelegs & (once out of the sea) the transition would 
be completed.  Although the goats & fish were of vastly different size, 
the transition did not look in the least bit ludicrous or implausable. 

   These goat-fish reminded me more of Neptune than of Capricorn as I 
watched their actions.  I then remembered Don's Tree & its attribution of 
Neptune to Binah.  I wished I could remember which 3 Paths accessed this 
Realm in Don's system so I could look for clues of the gateways.  

   I looked up at the Sea & saw a far-off island with a mountain of 
crystal enshrouded in mists.  A large metallic gold Trident seemed to 
`grow' out of the peak of the mountain like some sort of Atlantean sky- 
scaper.  The symbol reminded me of the "Wealth Crystalizes the Humm / the 
Humm Crystalizes Wealth" sigil I have been using in my VIIIo workings. 

   I was intrigued by the island & wanted to journey there to explore it, 
but (since other mysteries lay closer to hand) I was far more interested 
in getting to the abandoned temple.  Somehow I knew that I was respons- 
ible for holding myself back from reaching it.  I somehow felt `to blame' 
for its state of dis-repair & abandonment.  The state of the temple 
grounds was particularly disturbing to me.  I knew I needed peace within 
myself before further exploration would be possible, so I sat down to 
discover answers thru meditation. 

   As I sat down in the grass to meditate on my place in all of this, the 
grass gently picked me up & transported me to the entranceway of the 
temple. In some ways, I felt honored to be treated so regally by the noble 
grass, yet I also somehow expected such treatment because of my rank <"& 
the angels bear him up, lest he dash his foot against a stone">. 

   As I was borne to the temple on the backs of the grass, I became more & 
more at peace with myself.  I was still troubled by why I should feel 
responsible for a place which I had never seen before, so I followed the 
thread of my dis-ease.  

   At first I thought that my link with this temple might be cause-&-
effect via my physical home -- that is to say, I felt that this place was 
allegorical of the state of dis-repair & lack of maintainance which I 
accord to my physical dwelling. But I somehow felt that the link was not 
so straightfoward.  Somehow the 2 temples are analagous, but neither is 
allegorical of the other. 

   It is not my present task to maintain the earth (physical plane) at 
this nexus of Space/Time, for I am a storyteller whose task is to explore 
the realms of vision & report-back to the rest of the race -- but this 
could change in an instant if I chose to undertake a different aspect of 
the Great Work.  The apparant crumbling of both of these temples is but an 
illussion based upon a skewness to my perspective.  Even as I look at both 
temples more closely (for I can peceive both levels of reality at once), 
their integrity seems more wholesome & I am more & more at peace with the 
dance of Maya.  

   I am in an open temple -- not much more than a courtyard paved with 
large stones, with widely-spaced pillars supporting a high vesica shaped 
roof.  Near the center of the temple (at one of the elipse's foci) stands 
a very large shallow grail (like a large birdbath {aprox.5 ft. across} 
made of polished stone {black marble veined gold) balanced on a short 
pedastal shaped like a golden mushroom.  The cup is far too large & 
unwieldy to lift, but it nonetheless has a pair handles made of goat horn.  
As I approach the cup, it appears to be filled to the brim with a seething 
efervescant broth which both attracts and repells me at the same time. 

   As I focused on why I should not drink the potion (the contents of the 
cup of Babalon is not for consumption by mortal men), the more I wanted to 
drink of it.  It smelled sweet & invigorating & I somehow knew that this 
cup contained the dew of immortality. 

   But the more I focused on why I should drink the brew (this is my dream 
& I can do whatever I please in my own fantasy world), the more repulsive 
the cup became.  Its contents smell of vomit & decay and I saw both 
maggots & turds floating on its surface. 

   The goats & the stag were watching me curiously from the perimeter of 
the temple.  I looked toward the stag & noticed that he was standing by a 
circular staircase which wound around one of the columns up to the roof.  
I looked up at the high roof & saw that directly over the grail was a 
yonic opening decorated with pearls. 

   I climbed the stairs & walked out on the high roof.  A gentle breeze 
was blowing & the whole temple swayed <I always find it remarkable that my 
`normal' extreme vertigo & acro- phobia is completely absent in most 
dreams.> I went to the edge of the yoni (it was even more ornately 
decorated along the top edge) & knelt at a kind of bench which suspended 
me over the hole. 

   The bench has padded depressions for my knees & elbows.  The whole 
affair pivots with changes in my body weight to shift me from a kneeling 
position at the edge of the hole, to hanging face-down over the center of 
the hole.  I knew that the bench responds to the slightest shift in my 
center of gravity & is therefore much more atuned to my Will than my 
conscious actions (much like a dowser's forked stick or pendulum). I knew 
that my Will would either bring me back to the safety of the roof, or dump 
me into the grail (from a height of 100 meters), and my conscious fears 
&/or struggles would only hinder my chances of survival. 

   So I relaxed & enjoyed the view.  The grail was tiny below me, yet I 
could still see it quite clearly.  Its roiling contents looked absolutly 
repulsive.  Yet, the odor drifting up to me was absolutly enchanting.  I 
knew that if I closed my eyes, the seductive quality of the odors would 
lure me to `let go' and I would slide down into its depths.  Such a fate 
wauld not really be very terrible, for the intoxication of being the cup 
is a great reward for those whe seek a release from the trials & 
tribulations of this world.  However, I have much I still need to explore, 
& release from my task is not my Will at this point in time. 

   Then I remembered Jason & how he was able to listen to the sounds of 
the Sirens & live.  I stared at the hellbroth & focused on its repellant 
nature & my revulsion quickly shifted the bench out of the oriface & back 
up to the roof.  I took off my traveler's pack & used its straps to secure 
my legs to the bench.  Then I allowed myself to shift foward over the hole 
once again.  I closed my eyes & drank-in the narcotic allure of the grail 
with my nose.  I felt myself slipping foward, but I no longer cared 
whether I lived or died.  I simply sought union with tho object of my 
desire.  When I felt the tug of the straps around my ankles, I knew that 
my scheme had worked.  I hang suspended between the worlds. 

   Behind my closed eyelids I saw a mist.  Fleeting images scampered by at 
the direction of my unconscious urgings.  I tried an experiment.  I 
`projected' the Cheshire cat from Alice onto the mist.  The face appeared 
first, then the rest of its body. The cat spoke to me "Ah Dodson, it has 
been a long time hasn't it?" I chuckled & the cat became startled when it 
realized that I was not Dodson.  It then peered at me intently & turned 
into the hookah smoking catipilar who asked "Who are you?" I smiled back & 
returned the question "Yea, verily HU??" (by this time, I was quite giddy 
from the fumes of the grail below & was quite willing to make puns on 
who/HU in order to test the catipillar's reactions).  

   The catipillar was not pleased at my blasphemic punning & began to 
menace me with venomous mandibles.  I opened one eye to superimpose the 
image of the grail upon the catipillar.  He shrieked in terror & begged be 
to close my eye, lest he plunge to extinction.  I acquiesced he became 
most intrigued at how I managed to maintain that precarious position of 
illusion. 


   I chuckled & told him of how I tied my ankles to the bench. He was most 
impressed & gave me a token whereby I might pass thru the realm of the red 
queen un-molested.  [the token looked like one of those brass coins used 
at video arcades instead of real money to minimize pilfering.] He then 
offered me a bit of the mushroom which he was sitting on.  [I placed it 
into my flask to add to my in-vitro entheogens for the up-com- ing 
gathering.] 

   He asked me again who I was & I told him that I had many names in many 
places, but did not really know how to answer him in a way which would not 
be misleading.  It was the catipillar's turn to chuckle now.  He looked 
deep into my soul & saw that I was indeed a Thelemic pilgrim on a nameless 
quest.  He then took on the form of the Cheshire cat once again & 
decalared that I must be one of the wizards of Oz he has heard so much 
about.  

   Then I awoke in my bed, with only scant memories of the dream.  It is 
amazing how the writing of a dream will cause me to re-live it & thereby 
aid me to retell it. The peculiar weave of tenses from past to present & 
back to past again in retelling the tale is an indication of the complex 
weave of retelling the tale & re-living it.  The weave would be even more 
complex had I not consciosly attempted to keep it all `in the past'.  Were 
this a prorer story (rather than a diary entry) I would probably re-write 
the whole tale in the present tense to add immediacy & impact for the 
reader. 

   Experiencing of dream while awake is most unlike the dream while 
asleep.  While asleep, each conscious choice opens certain possibilities, 
while closing others (either I swam to the trident mountain or I went to 
the temple of the grail, but not both at the `same' time), but in my 
wakeful state, I can see that all pathways remain open no matter which set 
of choices I make at any given juncture.  Each dream is infinite & what I 
report in this record is but the smallest fragment of what has actually 
transpired.  I follow those threads which seem most interesting or the 
most entertaining.  But all alse is equally valid. 

   Structured initiation seems to be involved with making a continuous set 
of choices leading to a particular `goal' (usually predetermined by 
tradition or the guidance of an external guide).  At the moment, I have no 
particular goal in sight.  I simply explore -- & create in my 
explorations.  On one level I know that immersion in the grail means an 
end of my consciousness.  Yet, on another (equally valid) level I know 
that the grail is simply a portal (possibly one-way) to another world 
(possiblly another Sephiroth).  For now, I use the power of this Grail to 
reify dreams, but soon I must use it to bring such dreams back to this 
plane so that I can continue my work without interferance. 


                              * * * 

   Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for 
WEDNESDAY, the 09th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,829.11> 
Moon being 8.05 Days old.  [2:35pm] 

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. 

   Troubled night with tumultuous dreams.  Even though I feel worn-out & 
bedraggled, I do feel better.  Fear of wrestling with a dragon is always 
so much worse than the actual wrestling match.  Dream images lack full 
clarity, but they feel powerful.  I shall dip back down into them to see 
what I can draw-forth 

   I am in a very large mansion (which is also a fancy hotel) with Anne & 
a man whom I do not know.  He is a friend (or lover) of Anne's.  I am 
somewhat uncomfortable for Anne seems to want me to leave, yet she also 
wants mo to stay.  We are in a huge bathroom with a bath tub enclosed with 
glass doors.  The tub is big enough for several people.  Anne does not 
want me to bathe with her, yet she keeps telling me that I need to take a 
bath & I "had better hurry". 

   I see a second bathtub.  It appears to belong to the people at the 
health club next door.  I begin to close the door to the health club (for 
solitude & for quiet when a brown pussycat wants to come in.  I fear a 
fight between this cat & Beezelbub (our cat) so I continue to close the 
door.  A young man assures me that their mascot is very friendly & will 
cause no problems.  I let the cat in. 

   In another aspect of the dream I am talking with one of the permamant 
residents of this house.  He is a stereotypical English Lord of some sort.  
He asks me what connection I have to "the family".  I tell him that we 
share a common ancestor & that my father's uncle is his uncle's father.  
He looks a bit bewildered & then beams at me & exclaims that I must be 
related to the "ship's Pharoh", by which he means the ancient ship 
chronometer which has been missing for quite a number of years. 

   Although I do not see how I can be a descendant of a clock, I reply in 
the affirmative (for it does have a ring of truth to it). 

   In the big bathroom is a large glass bell, made of a thick blue glass 
which makes a marvelous tone when struck with a leather headed wodden 
mallet.  The bell is shaped like a squid & is about 4 ft.  long.  When I 
am preparing my bath (on the athletic club's side of the bathroom) I see 
that someone (Anne??) has made a mess of the big bath tub.  All the glass 
panels are askew & water is leaking everywhere.  I attempt a fix, but I 
really do not understand how the varios panels & curtain rods go together.  
Anne is upset with me for attempting to fix "her project".  I leave her to 
her own devices to take my bath.  I am saddened by our interactions, but 
am unable to find a workable solution other than steering clear of her 
until she does what needs doing. 

   I find a second glass bell like unto the first.  But this one has a 
broken mouth & has been drilled out to accept various electric wires & 
lamp fixtures.  This bell is sentient & is viscious towards me.  It keeps 
biting me about the hands.  I find a stick & place in in the bell's mouth 
to give it something to chew on.  Its visciousness subsides.  Perhaps it 
was only teething.  


   I am down by the waterfront in a poverty neighborhood frequented by 
sailors, smugglers, hookers, & cut-purses.  It is foggy.  I cannot see the 
water, although I hear it lapping against the nearby pier.  I am here to 
meet a sailor who may have information about the ancient chronometer which 
I seek.  I describe the device to him without naming it. 

      "It is a squat vertical cylinder made of brass sitting on a 
      platform meant to be bolted in place in the wheelhouse.  It 
      is covered by a deep parabolic glass dome te protect it from 
      the weather.  It has no clock hands like a modern chrono- 
      meter, but has a series of perforated metal disks thru which 
      one sights the stars.  The perforated disks are attached to 
      the vertical side of the central cylinder tangent to its 
      curved surface." 

   The sailor immediatly knew that I was describing the Pharoh.  He had 
once (long ago) been on the ship which relied on the Pharoh to guide it, 
but the ship had sunk.  He thought the Pharoh had been taken off the wreck 
& brought to Castle Trident atop the crystal mountain.  

   The sun had been rising as we spoke.  The mists began to clear & I saw 
the island from my previous dream. 

   I knew where I was & I knew that I was in dreamland.  I took the blue 
glass bell (the one with the broken mouth & electric wiring) from under my 
trenchcoat, unwrapped it & placed it in the sea.  It turned into a blue 
bottle dolphin who began to swim round & round the bay, making the most 
musical sounds I had ever heard.  The water soon frothed & seethed with 
activity as hundreds of dolphins congregated to hear the tale of the 
dolphin who had been turned into a bell & then a lamp. 

   One of the dolphins approached me & began to speak.  I could not 
understand her words so I spat into her open mouth (a trick I once The 
learned from the King of Serpents).  The dolphin immediatly understood my 
intentions & spat back into my mouth.  We then kissed deeply & I became 
sexually arroused.  She drew me into the water & we became as one.  While 
we fucked, she dove deep into the sea & lept high into the air.  We both 
climaxed together & lay together on the surface of the gentle sea.  Other 
members of her clan communicated our combined elixir from her vagina with 
their tongues. 

   As we now spoke a common tongue, my lover asked me how I came to their 
harbor & whence I was going.  I told her of the crystal mountain & of the 
Pharoh I hoped to find in Castle Trident.  She asked if I could swim to 
the island & I asked her how far away the island was from the bay.  She 
replied that her people went there often when men fished the shore of the 
great sea (to avoid competing with them for fish).  The trip usually took 
her people 13 days. 

   I replied that I was able to swim for several hours at a time, but such 
a trip was beyond my endurance.  I asked her about those who live on the 
island (their race, temperment, etc.) and whether they had regular 
commerce with the men of this port. 

   She replied that the beings who lived on that central island kept to 
themselves, but were not hostile to anyone.  They did not fish the sea, 
neither did they engage in commerce, save to deal with certain ships which 
regularly brought them unusual items in return for life-restoring unguents 
& potions. 

   Dolphin sonar does not work above water & their eyesight is poor, so 
she was unable to give me much information about the race which lived on 
the island.  She offered to transport me there, but as I needed dry 
passage for the Pharo, I declined her kind offer.  I asked her if any of 
the ships which traded with the island were now in port & she pointed one 
out to me. 

   I went back to the mansion to bid my goodbyes & to seek out the old 
Lord to ask him about Castle Trident.  He informed me that the only way to 
gain acces to the castle was to bring a rare object to trade with them.  
None had ever seen the lords of Castle Trident in pepson save their 
personal messengers (who appeared to be human).  The messengers would not 
speak of anything but the business of barter `twixt human & the keepers of 
the Castle. 

   I asked if the keepers were honest & what kind of objects they sought. 
My cousin told me that the keepers had no interest in "that which could be 
purchased for gold or obtained by a common thief". 

   I looked for Anne, but was told that she had left with first light.  
Some said that she had traveled inland, while others told me that she was 
following a waking vision toward the Island in the center of the Sea. 

   Armed with this information, I sought out captain Diogenes of the ship 
Arestes' Misfortune in the tavern called the One-Eyed Trout to discuss a 
plan with him which would get me to the keepers with a prize which would 
enable me to bargain with them face-to-face.  


   Fascinating how the imagry in my dreams seem to layer one upon the 
other. What began as one of those incomprehencable streams of dream images 
has resolved itself into another dream in the same cycle as the other 
night. I feel like I am still suspended over the cauldron of dissolution 
in another part of the same dream, but my consciousness has moved to a 
more active aspect of myself so that the seer can attain the motility of 
the doer without giving-up the power of projecting Will into the dream 
cauldron.  

   I note in passing that this afternoon a little neighbor girl came by 
looking for her lost cat.  The description matches the cat in the earlier 
portion of my dream.  Intriguing how time folds back on itself in such 
literal ways in dreamland.  

   Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for 
TUESDAY the 29th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,850.06> Moon 
being 29.00 Days old.  [1:30pm] 

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. 

Time to get to my dreams. 

   In one dream, 0-Maku & I were looking for a cheaper house to live-in.  
We were selling the apartment building & the Humm did not have its own 
place in the country.  0-Maku had located a house which was within our 
price range ($45,000) & wanted me to go see it soon so we could put down a 
purchase offer.  Bill Gafney (our contractor form the apartment house) 
overheard our conversation & asked 0-Maku about the location of the house.  
When she described the place to him, he told us that the house had been 
purchased less than a year ago by the present owner for under $3,000 & 
that he had spent about $4,000 to fix it up.  We were both shocked by the 
extremely low price.  I was determined to offer $7,500 for the house & 
bargain from there.  Secretly, I wondered what could be wrong with the 
place. 

   The house was very small on the outside, but inside, it was a mansion.  
It was built into the side of a hill on the edge of the Long Island Sound.  
Although the water was far to poluted to swim-in, it smelled fresh & 
exhilirating.  The bedrooms had large balconies facing the sea, with 
spiral concrete railings like giant snail shells. I was fascinated by a 
large fireplace in a room with wrought iron doors with brass handles.  It 
reminded me very much of a a house I never had.  

   On another level, I suspected that I was dreaming.  I was unable to get 
to either the basement or the upper floor.  One of the bedrooms was 
occupied by a teenage girl who didn't bother to put any clothes on when I 
came in.  I jokingly asked if she came with the house & she replied that 
she prefered to come with people.  The real estate woman sighed & told me 
that the teenage girl was a nymphomaniac ghost who was the reason for the 
extremely low cost of the house, for no woman could "hold onto her man" 
with "competition like this" around all the time.  I turned to the spirit 
of the house & asked if she were jealous if her male lovers had other 
relationships.  She replied that she was not in the least bit possessive 
or clingy, & that she had no need to compete for affections.  I asked the 
spirit of the house if she would be willing to show me past the illussion 
which shrouded the house like a veil of cowbwebs. 

   She stood before me in her innocent nakedness & asked me if I knew who 
she was.  I replied that I did not.  She picked up a quartz crystal from 
the table beside her bed & gently rubbed it in the dew between her legs.  
She handed the crystal to me & told me to do "whatever came naturally".  I 
smiled at her reverentially & sniffed the crystal's electric wetness.  The 
scent of it made my limbs quake.  I then kissed the crystal & drank in its 
essence.  The house & my surroundings disapeared completely. 

   I was standing with Adrea on the drawbridge of a large castle carved 
from crystal.  Before us was a delegation from the castle.  They were 
tall, lean, & very pale (sort of a yellowy-gray) with high domed bald 
heads & skeletal hands (with exadurated digital pads).  They looked at me 
serenly & asked why I had come to them.  I asked what they knew of the 
changes in the lower Tree.  They smiled serenly, nodded to one another, & 
invited me to enter the castle gates.  Adrea & I followed our guides into 
the palace as our human companions brought in our precious cargo.  

   As we walked, Adrea gave me a candy to calm my nerves & focus me into 
this reality.  The `candy' was a small emerald which had been bathed in 
the dew of her crotch.  As the `candy' dissolved in my mouth, the reality 
of the Crystal Castle also dissolved. I remembered (& began to re-live) my 
quest for a captain & a good ship to sail me to the crystal island & the 
Trident castle. 


   After convincing the captain that I really knew of a way to procure the 
Gateway of the Cup of Dreams, we set-sail for the abandonded temple 
guarded by the goat-fish & the grass of the AEons.  That other aspect of 
me was still suspended over the Gateway when we arrived.  He dreamed of 
our coming & thus made our passage easy.  When we arrived, none of the 
ship's company would dare approach the Gateway, even though the grass 
allowed our passage.  They all feared the seductive nature of the Grail & 
the one-way nature of that Gateway. 

   I went to the roof alone, & pulled my other self back from his place of 
dreaming.  As always, he awoke without protest & greeted me cheer- fully.  
He addressed me as his uncle & asked if his cousin Sue would be joining 
us.  I laughed at his strange perspective as we climbed down from the roof 
& approached the Grail.  We called to the captain & crew to join us, but 
they were still afraid.  A great red bull who walked like a man came from 
the fields & stood with us at the Grail.  My nephew knew him as BAJ & 
introduced us to each other. 

   All began to shift as memories tumbled over one another.  I had a 
difficult time sorting-out who `I' was.  BAJ laughed loudly at our/my 
consternation & reached into the Grail to remove a fist-sized pearl which 
had floated to the surface. 

   He pointed at my younger self & stated "For this working, thou art AIR, 
starry-eyed gazer upon the Mysteries NU.  None doubt your visions, yet 
most council against their too-hasty application". 

   He pointed at himself & continued "I am the Child of Earth, the God of 
all pleasures physical.  For this role have I studied hard.  Let it be 
hoped that the time is now as propitious as our young friend believes!" 

   Pointing at me, he sighed "For better or worse, thou art the Fire 
Carrier of divine inspiration.  Thou art lazy, obstinant & unreasonably 
impractical.  Thou art able to see thru the visions & fables of your 
younger self," [pointing to AIR] "but (for the most part), choose not to 
-- for the sake of Art! In thy hands is the power to bargain for the fate 
of an AEon.  Your dis-connectedness to the consequences of your actions 
keeps you honest, though I do wish the task at hand permitted us to unify 
our consciouness more fully. " 

   "And this", he stated with much ceremony, as he held up the dewy pearl, 
"is our externalized Emotional self -- the unbalanced symbol for our quest 
of internalized stability, and (for us) the key to an end of the cycles of 
AEons." 

   The pearl began to grow & to glow.  It left the hand of Earth & took 
her place at the Western Gate of Heaven.  The pearl disolved in waves of 
heavenly music & fragrences.  Adrea (or Sue {depending on one's 
perspective}) became manifest among us.  Together we joined hands around 
the cauldron & began the spiral dance inward & outward to absorb the grail 
& its contents within the fabric of our being.  The viewpoint of this tale 
shifted again & again.  We became the gems on the rim of the Chalice of 
Ecstacy.  As BAJ, I channeled energies thru Jupiter at the Throne of 
Daa"th. As Adria, I oversaw the mysteries of the Trident of SET from the 
Throne of Binah.  As my younger self, the dreamer, I wielded the energies 
of Uranus, the Magus from the Throne of Chokmah.  As my older self, I 
channeled the fire of the Gods (Starlight focused thru Sothis onto 
Pluto/Yuggoth) from the Throne at Kether.  Yet, all 4 Thrones were equal.  
None was `above' or `more-advanced-than' the others.  These 4 thrones 
formulate the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy.  From below Tiphareth, the 
upper Tree appears heirarchical, but such is the illussion caused by the 
gravitational distortions of Sol & our own mamallian heritage. 


   I know not where to take this vision.  All is illussion & the more 
`sense' I try to make of my images, the more I am biasing my writing with 
self-generated drivvel.  Semantics & theories & orderly progression of 
thoughts seem lost in a sea of nonsense.  I project characters outside of 
myself in an effort to gain perspective, yet by being in more than one 
place at once, I lose all perspective altogether.  I must center.  


   I draw my consciousness to a point & draw it into the Challice.  I am a 
pearl of brass resting at the bottom of the Chalice of Ecstacy.  The head 
of my penis protrudes into the bowl of the cup from `below'.  I am at the 
center of gravity of this Tree/Chalice, hovering above Tiphareth & below 
the Supernals.  Venus & Mercury spin their DNA tellegraph/time- travel 
around me.  I am enmeshed at a locus in time, yet not bound by it.  
Kenetic energy = Potential energy, & I am at the fulcrum of the Universe.  
The feather of Maat spins on the pan of balance.  My breath will upset the 
balance.  It is not my will to hold back by breath forever.  I have hidden 
the Logos from my conscious self so I am beyond the temptation to utter 
it.  I am disgruntled that I do not trust myself completely.  I am tempted 
to just go back to sleep & forget the whole thing.  Then I remember death, 
pain & the regret which comes from dreams which are not permitted to come 
to fruition.  To often has the race of planet-borne been afraid to dream.  
Such fears are all based upon the practical reali- ties of the test which 
we have set-up for ourselves.  


   Today is a day of self-induced beffuddlement.  I have broken-off the 
writing of this entry many times in an effort to center thru meditation.  
Yet, the Work-at-Hand seems to require a splintering of consciousness 
which does not lend itself to accurate reporting.  My diary entry is 
cannot help but be a projection of my lower ego so long as my higher self 
is fragmented.  But by running my c.p.u. (central processing unit) in 
parallel, I gain access to the gestalt which can affect change as well as 
simply observe it.  I run into Heisenberg's quandry.  Close observation 
leads to influencing the observed phenomena.  To be more to the point, how 
can I mutate a framework if I am internal to that framework.  If the 
experimenter is not impartial, how can he keep his tinkerings impartial.  
Of course, he cannot.  I do seek to tinker, yet I also seek to enjoy the 
fruits of my tinkerings.  Unlike Moses, I seek to enter the Promised Land 
as well as guide others to its gates.  I am the Gate & the Guardian 
thereof, yet I am also that who approaches the Gateway & the Path on which 
he strideth.  

   I rant & I rave like a madman, yet in my madness there is a kind of 
frenetic calm.  I indulge in non-linear sensory overload in hopes of 
finding a foot-hold in a maelstrom.  I need to break from this attempt to 
communicate in this record.  The task of dancing round the Supernal rim of 
the Chalice of Ecstacy is more than I can presently handle.  I must shift 
that task out of linear Space/Time so I do not become so beffuddled at my 
alternating perspectives. 

   I focus my conscioussness as Hadit, wearing the Godform of a brass 
marble spinning round the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy.  I will it to 
slow down & drop to the bottom of the cup. An aspect of me comes to rest 
at center, yet other aspects of me continue to dance round the rim.  I 
shall bury my head in some computer math books & then try to get some 
sleep.  I shall report again when I am more collected. 



Love is the law, love under will. 

Here ends the entry in the Magickal Record of Frater OTz PTN-690/PVN for 
WEDNESDAY, the 30th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v., [3:45am] Being the 9th Day of 
ATHYR, Year 4,753 (Sothic reckoning) 

finis. 

                              * * * 








   Here begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for 
THURSDAY, the 31th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,851.56> Moon 
being 00.97 Days old.  [1:30am] 

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. 

   Strange convolutions yesterday.  I am much more centered in the here-&-
now today.  Peraps some words of explanation are in order here (although I 
must admit that I am tempted to simply delete yesterday's entry & invoke 
the Godform of Harpocrates!). 

   The initiatory cycle which I am currently working in pertains to a 
Grade which I am not really able to manifest yet.  The formulae which are 
spin-offs from the Working are communicable to all & are applicable to the 
here-&-now.  But when I attempt to tap-into the initiatory process itself, 
I become lost (un-sane), especially when attempting to be both `in my 
body' as a witness to the event & `up the planes' where the initiatory 
cycle is actually occurring.  It is very difficult for me to be an 
`objective' reporter, when the initiation is occurring in an arena where 
objects (such as myself) do not really exist & even the act of observation 
itself becomes an impedement to the smoothe flow of the Working.  Rather 
than attempt accurate `reporting' on what transpires (or will transpire) 
during that initiatory cycle, let me simply mention one of its more 
disturbing (to me anyway) corolaries. 

   Whether my observations are valid within the context of this AEonic 
formula, I know not.  Suffice to say that if/when the Chalice of Ecstacy 
is functioning properly. the upper realms of the Tree (Kether, Chokmah, 
Binah, & Daa"th)cease to behave like seperate entities & become much more 
like self-reinforcing energy fields (perhaps like Nuit's "non-atomic 
continuity"). Distinctions in Time/Space/Heirarchy become very blurred.  
The Offices associated with these Spheres are co-valent rather than 
distinct thrones in a heirerarchal structure.  

   From my limited perspective I experienced each Office as one of the 4 
elements of the God-level self, yet the attributions to the elements are 
not discrete.  Any system of attribution is just as valid as any other.  
They all work, yet none of them works fully without the others.  When the 
Chalice of Ecstacy is functioning, one cannot assume the Grade of Master, 
without also assuming the other 3 Grades as well. To be both dispersed in 
`the Abyss' & functioning as an Ipsissimus is difficult for me to imagine 
(much less put into words) from my `in-body' perspective.  Yet, I know 
that such is but a small part of the apparant contradictions which I must 
resolve if I am to reify this initiatory cycle into my present nexus of 
Space/Time/Alternity.  In some ways, I wish I felt I had sufficient 
`balance' to bring psychedelics to this Working.  But I do not.  There are 
times (like now) that I am glad that I have had the past-experience of 
such drugs, but I also know that their application is not universal.  I am 
like a spinning top -- I am able to whirl faster & faster only in so far 
as I am able to maintain balance.  

finis. 





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