HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Merry Christmas and all that jazz... :)
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 1992 07:10:47 GMT

Well, it looks like I'll be away from my computer for the next several days -
off to the Bay Area for 3 days, then it's off to Denver for Christmas!  I
*will* be able to telnet to my machine, so if you want to send email, I
will be able to respond.  I might even be able to read stuff, too... :)

Merry Christmas to all!  I hope your holiday is truly joyous, filled with
the warmth and love of friends and family.
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

Who and what would you be if you went beyond your deepest fears?
From: anon-1349@twwells.com (Mary)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: cutting
Date: 14 Dec 92 22:24:16 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Screaming Fist -

First of all, I think that Seeker posted some excellent advice on how
to deal with cutting.  I just have one simple, immediate device to
recommend.  Take rubberbands and wear them around your wrist.  Whenever
you have a strong urge to cut, pop yourself with the rubberband.  This
may help decrease cutting in the short-run, but Seeker's advice seems
well-taken for dealing with the problem in a more permanent sense.

Mary



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From: ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU
Subject: Re: Hello?
Organization: UNC Charlotte
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 17:34:26 GMT

In article <1gonsqINNb28@flash.pax.tpa.com.au>
anon.31@pax.tpa.com.au writes:
>
>For the past year I've been working with a therapist, dealing with
>some undesirable and inappropriate behavior patterns.  And trying
>to stop suppressing feelings.  And wondering about large periods of
>my childhood for which I have almost no memories.
>
>As the feelings get closer to the surface, a couple of behavior things
>have become more intense.  First, I don't like to be touched.  I don't
>mind being touched by my wife, except when she comes up behind me and
>surprises me.  I can hug my children.  But in general, touching is
>something I prefer to avoid, and I'm getting worse.
>
>More dramatic though, is my reaction to being awakened.  By anyone.
>I go nearly ballistic.  Angry.  Hostile.  Almost to the point of
>becoming physically violent.  It's getting worse.  It scares me;
>it scares my wife.
 
Yes, Yes, Yes!!! I am exactly the same way, although not nearly as bad
now (I stopped living with the perps over 10 years ago). But, I still
freak really easily sometimes. Were you always like this, or has it been
since going into therapy? Maybe, if some memories are close to surfacing,
the behavior patterns are temporarily becoming more extreme.
 
>My therapist thinks it probable that something happened.  But I
>have no memory of anything that would account for it.  I can't
>remember ever, as a child, being awakened for any reason, and
>I have no memories of anything approaching sexual abuse.  I don't
>want to invent something that isn't there.  Still, I wonder.
 
 
I think a lot of times abusers wait until the victim is asleep so they
can pretend that what they're doing won't matter or they won't get caught.
And its really convenient (for them) since they can say later, "oh, that
didn't *really* happen, you just dreamed it."
 
If you were abused while you were sleeping, then that would be one good
explanation for why you react so violently when people try to wake you up.
 
I've been told that I've punched out people who were trying to wake me up.
I'm 28 and can't sleep by myself in the dark. BAD THINGS happen to you in
the dark. Normally I sleep with a dog (real), a quilty, and a teddy bear.
(except for the 2 1/2 years I lived with a man, he was jealous and made
the dog sleep on the sunporch; couldn't make me give up the quilty, though.
 
 
Erin
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Well, I don't understand either!
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 22:43:52 GMT

Baby Driver (anon-1452@twwells.com) wrote:

: Ed Carp writes:
: 
: > If they are dropping out, that's their decision, not
: yours.

I think if you'll go back to the original message, this is the text of a
FORGED message, posted by Bill Wells, who put an appropriate disclaimer at
the top of the message.
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

Who and what would you be if you went beyond your deepest fears?
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Explanation re: Ed's APS requested
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 05:29:34 GMT

Kristian (anon-1159@twwells.com) wrote:

: Chalk this one up to my being inadequately self-taught regarding
: computers.  You say:
:     That's why I've posted the software.  Mine's very easy to set
:     up, and one could have their own personal APS running on
:     one's own machine, post through it, and no one would ever
:     know.  *You* maintain control - not some faceless admin that
:     you don't know.  -- Ed Carp
:     
: Does this mean that a person with a PC attached to a network and
: with an IP number can mount this software on her/his own machine
: and send MAIL which gets anonymized through this?  I had assumed
: that one had to get the people in charge of the mainframe mailers
: to mount the software somewhere accessible to us peons.

Err, ah, not right now.  You see, the way the software works is like this:

+--------------+
|     mail     |
+--------------+
       |
       |
+--------------+
|     APS      |
+--------------+
       |
       |
+--------------+
|  mail/inews  |
+--------------+

Incoming mail is routed to the APS via a .forward file (which implies sendmail
or smail as a delivery agent).  Once the APS gets it, the headers are stripped
(and discarded, except for the "Subject: " header).  It is then fed to either
inews ("inews -t <subject> -n alt.sexual.abuse.recovery") or email
("mail -s <subject> alt.sexual.abuse.recovery@anon.penet.fi").  The APS is
designed to be used with UNIX, or a multi-tasking OS similar to UNIX.  Since
MS-DOS isn't multi-tasking, and doesn't inherently have sendmail and mail
built-in, it would be rather difficult to adapt it to MS-DOS.

I have considered hacking it to run with Waffle (which is a uucp/news reader/
delivery agent for MS-DOS), but I don't believe the current version supports
mail forwarding, which is essential for my APS to work.  Similarly, to work
on a network, the APS has to have some sort of back-end delivery agent to handle
either mail or news postings.

If you'd like to send me email on what you're running (PC-NFS, FTP Software,
etc.) I'd be happy to tell you what you'd have to do to make the software work.
Oh, and you'd also need a C compiler, since the APS is supplied in source form.

I hope this all makes sense - I realize that there are those here who are not
technically minded, and have no wish to be.
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

Who and what would you be if you went beyond your deepest fears?
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (Alaska)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Deep, deep Alaska
Date: 15 Dec 92 05:09:56 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

sonia@joliet.berkeley.edu (Sonia Marx) writes:

>In article <ByLznv.5KG@twwells.com> anon-1280@twwells.com (Alaska) writes:
>>
>>...NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME!!!!!!!!I can't
>>type anymore I'm cryng tooo hard

>Alaska,

>*I* believe you!  Please don't cry...  No, I take that back -- cry as
>much and as long as you need, but I wish you didn't feel so bad...
>Lots and lots of bad things happened to me, too, and it's *hard*.  I
>keep thinking that for SO MANY bad things to have happened, I must have
>deserved it somehow, and each succeeding memory gets worse, and I think
>"Now, no one will believe me," but so far, everyone has.  I'm still here
>and you're still here, and that's the important part.

Thank you. This means a lot to me. I'm sorry so many bad things 
happened to you too :-(

>Most especially, my wonderful therapist has believed and sympathized and
>helped me get through a very bad year.  She's a massage therapist, so she
>provides nurturing touch as well as talking me through all this.  When
>you feel that it's the right time to go into therapy, remember that there
>are good people out there that will believe every word you say because it's
>true.

You're so lucky to have found such a good therapist. When I get the
nerve/strength/self-esteem I hope I'm as lucky.

>Hug?

Yes, thank you. Hug back to you.

  ________
  |alaska|    US: anon-1280   Finland: an881   Australia: anon.34



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Scared at Anger!
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 20:45:39 GMT

fsacp@acad3.alaska.edu writes:

>Hi,

>  Can't I just lash out whenever I feel like it??  More emotionally then
>physically.  Why can't I just stuff it down inside, is the lid coming off the
>pot, or is the pot just starting to overflow??

you bet.  lash out however you want.  just put a spoiler warning at the top. :)

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields)
Subject: Re: SPOILER: My Story (long)
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 13:24:53 GMT

Sim et al,


Sorry, I tried to make it clear that I only have opinions on what can
or cannot be done, and on what kind of testimony I've heard, not on bill
or his service.
From: anon-1394@twwells.com (darkangel)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: oops
Date: 19 Dec 92 00:10:43 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

;) forgot again....

(just took my last final..i have no mind left..)

darkangel
anon-1394@twwells.com
an1414@anon.penet.fi

(whei n0t trei a h0lidei en sveden thus yer? )



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From: anon-1280@twwells.com (ReachingOut)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: asshole
Date: 18 Dec 92 08:27:58 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

In alt.sexual.abuse.recovery you write:

>anon-1280@twwells.com (ReachingOut) writes:

>>Alaska is ReachingOut to those who care, to those who don't judge,
>>to those who don't blame, to those who support, to those who
>>encourage, to those who hug.

>ReachingOut, i reach out to you.  not all the hands are cold; some are warm and
>friendly.  some want to help.  take the warm ones, let the icy blue hands be by
>themselves.

Thank you, and Erin and pathfinder and everybody who has reached out to
me and hugged me and told me you care. I gain such strength from all of
you. Gee, getting a new identity and getting angry has done wonders. I
feel *great*! The despair has lifted from my shoulders and I feel like
I'm walking on air. Cliches, I know, but I really do feel good.

Enigma, *hug*hug*hug*

Apple, I know you hurt too. I'm sorry about your pain. The flashback
of your mother beating you when you were 12 made me cry. Even if you
don't want it, I forgive you for what you wrote. I will say though,
a post like that could have sent me heading for the nearest lake to
jump into or train to jump in front of. My supporters have more
"power" over me than you do. Thank goodness.

ReachingOut



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu (Lydia Uribe)
Subject: Re: Denial of other abuse forms
Organization: Claremont Shelter for Maladjusted Singers
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 19:37:08 GMT

cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell) writes:
>hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine) writes:
>
>>For example, I don't know of anyone who endured familial sexual abuse
>>who didn't also endure emotional abuse.  Other folks soley experienced
>>emotional abuse.  Does my emotional abuse stuff need to get worked on
>>seperately?
>
>i think the emotional stuff is probably all wrapped up with the other
>stuff.  i have a feeling that if you deal with one, you'll end up dealing
>with the other at the same time...

Based on my own experience, I would second that.  However, I seem to carry
more and deeper scars from the emotional abuse than I do from the sexual
abuse; i.e., I was better able to withstand the sexual abuse psychologically
(perhaps because I cannot remember that there was ever any overt threatening
or coercion -- after all, I *trusted* my father! :-( ) than I was the
emotional abuse.  (*Who* says words can never hurt you?!)  I don't *think*
that I'm minimizing the effects that the sexual abuse has had on me, but the
effects of the emotional abuse seem right now to be so much greater (read
"all-encompassing") that I seem to be putting most of my energy into trying
to heal from them.

Does this make any sense?

					Lydia

"You're more than beginning -- you're learning to fly;
 You feel like you're falling, but it passes in time...."
			"From Me to You", Janis Ian
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Soprano (Lydia M. Uribe)                      uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu |
| Claremont, CA                                  uribe@hmcvax.claremont.edu |
|           Cats, quilts and diving -- what more could anyone ask?          |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
From: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: a little girl and her dog
Date: 17 Dec 1992 01:24:54 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


wow.  

made me feel so good when you TORE OFF the part with the Man's shadow.
wish I could do that.  wish wish wish wish wish.

us peoples


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From: anon-1425@twwells.com (pathfinder)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: RE: asshole
Date: 16 Dec 92 23:35:57 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

>From: anon-1383@twwells.com (Apple)
>>and Alaska, real nice post about Enigma.
>oh myg od, i nevernevernerever meant to hurt anyone
>>I nominate you for asshole of the month award.....
no one is,and absolutely not you Alaska!!!!!
>yes youre right

>>but I guess your brain gets frozen all the way up in Alaska....
>>that is where you are from I take it.
>no but thats where im goiing
><sob>

Now what's the purpose with a posting like that Apple?, help Enigma?
You should
know  Enigma and Alaska were (and still are i am sure of it) 
friends.They have both shown they want to settle things up.
By making your rude letter you have hurt both of them : (

I don't want anybody to leave,we(at least me) have had enough with
flaming.

hang in there,all of you

Pathfinder

_________________________________________________________
                      Enigma                   Alaska
                            ***don't give up***
                            * don't     leave *
                            ****   HUGS   *****
                                 *******
                               (if accepted)
_________________________________________________________



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From: anon-1383@twwells.com (Apple)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Apple Out Apple Out
Date: 21 Dec 92 02:25:55 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


Good bye, everybody, it was great while it lasted, but I just can't
stand it here anymore.  Good bye, and thank-you for using AT&T.

Moving to Denver, I hear it's nice this time of year.





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From: anon-1337@twwells.com (Riptide)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Late night talking
Date: 18 Dec 92 00:43:38 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


    Riptide here,

    As the subject implies, I am planning
on kind of babbling.  It is 8:00 at night, and I 
am somewhat tired and depressed, but not so much
as last week.  So there may be ******spoilers******

    Just a warning, they may not be here

    Thanks to every one who sent me stuff in
the last week, it really helped me a lot.
I think that stuff is kind of over (is it ever
over really?) but there is plenty of new stuff.

    As you may have gathered, my workplace moved.
It is now somewhat cramped, overly cramped.  I
am unbearably close to someone I dislike right
now.  Does anyone have any ideas about how to 
maintain some sort of privacy in close qurters?
I have thought about coming in at different hours,
and hanging curtains is out of the question (not enough
room for even the raised eyebrows it would generate.)

     ******cutting spoiler********

    I had totally forgotten about cutting until 
people were talking about it here.  I remember
now that I used to cut myself when I was in school.
I was really into the occult at the time, mostly
runes and the tarot.  I would try and cut rune
symbols into my arms.  When I say cut, they were
more like scrapes.  I used a paper clip i think, 
and would scrape over the area until it broke skin.

    I had totally forgotten that I did this.  I picked  
up a blade the other day and thought about it again, 
but more I just thought about what I was feeling.
Kind of a reliving thing.  I remember feeling like 
I would be strong if I could cut myself.  That inner
strength stemmed from being able to surmount my fear of 
pain.  (I didn't end up cutting myself, and I am not
really worried about doing it.  The suggestion of
using the red markers will probably be enough)
Anyway, thanks for reminding me.  I feel different 
knowing that I did this too.


     Oh, and ReachingOut, (I don't know if you're
reading this far in) I'm glad you're still around,
but I'm worried about you.  That's twice you've 
changed your name since I've been here, I hope you're
okay about changing names and that it isn't running
away from yourself.  Hugs for you if you want them.


     Well, I feel like I don't have anything more
to put down now. Maybe later. 

     Strength

     Riptide.



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Re: starting to date
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 06:42:59 GMT

In article <1992Dec11.210100.9339@iscsvax.uni.edu> mccall3080@iscsvax.uni.edu writes:
>        I know that I need to take things slow, but if I don't even begin how
>is it supposed to progress?
It sure sounds like you've begun to me!  Going out to a concert is a
*big* step!  (read: one I haven't taken yet myself <grin>)


-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: abbruzzs@bcvms.bc.edu
Subject: to poohbear
Organization: Boston College
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 00:27:21 GMT




poohbear, if you are still reading here
something has gone wrong with
my mail file 
for some reason i can't send 
out 
they haven't fixed it yet and i don't know how

(if anyone has an idea when i try to send mail
it says your account is CAPTIVE... any ideas would
be greatly appreciated)

hope you are doing ok

sarah


Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cjohnson@lars.acc-admin.stolaf.edu (Carrie L Johnson)
Subject: Re: my story *SPOILERS???**
Organization: St. Olaf College; Northfield, MN
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 16:20:41 GMT

What you always need to remember is that no matter what your abuse consisted
of....VIOLATION IS VIOLATION.....PAIN IS PAIN.....

no ones abuse is more important or more painful then yours just becuase 
you feel as if yours isn't as graphic or as horrible....i was raped but that
doesn't mean that the pain i feel is any more then what you feel...it 
also doesn't make my pain any more justified then yours....

ABUSE IS VIOLATION AND, ANY VIOLATION IS HORRIBLE.....

may you have peace, thanks for having the guts to share,
many of us know how hard it is......
carrie

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Freedom is never voluntarily given by the opressor; it must be
demanded by the opressed"
                Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in his book _Why We Can't Wait_
Be good to yourselves!                                 PRIDE=POWER
cjohnson@stolaf.edu                                    cjohnson@carleton.edu
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IT!