From: cjmchale@dsg.cs.tcd.ie (Ciaran McHale)
Subject: 101 ways to tackle sexual harassment?
Organization: DSG, Dept. of Computer Science, Trinity College Dublin
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 11:49:02 GMT

[Warning: this is very long---over 400 lines]

In <1992Aug26.203510.543@csc.canterbury.ac.nz>
moselecw@elec.canterbury.ac.nz (C.W. Moseley) writes:
>> 	Dress doesn't have a whole lot to do with it.  I go out in
>> baggy pants and a sweatshirt, and I still have to put up with idiots
>> hanging out of their trucks and making kissy noises.   "Sure fire way."
>> Yeah, right.  The only sure-fire way I've heard of is the assault-rifle
>> method.
>
>try dressing in camoflage gear, and carrying an assult rifle.
>
>(another (im)practical hint from the womans weekly)

Actually, you have the spark of a good idea there. It is very
frustrating being on the receiving end of harassing comments, regardless
of whether those comments are targeted at you for being GLBO, a woman or
whatever else.

Long ago I started collecting smart come-back lines from soc.{bi,motss}.
Anytime I see a good one I just append it to a file. It grows slowly
and one of these days I hope to put it into some sort of structure and
have it printed as a leaflet or as a contribution to a book. I'm
including the file below to show you what I'm on about.

Perhaps some of the women here might consider collecting smart come-back
lines and other suggestions for ways to respond to sexual harassment.
Such a list might well be of practical use as well as being empowering.

[More discussion follows this list]

----cut here----
>>    "is this another thing like your becoming vegetarian?"

>>>"Why can't you people make up your mind?"
>Why should I have to?

>>>"Can bifolk be monogamous?"
>Can hetfolk be monogamous?

>>>"Do you guys know you're really sick?"
>I try.  Wanna help?  If not, thanks for sharing.

>deserve one, why bother?  If someone posts "why can't you people
>choose?"  and gets five hundred email messages that all say:
>
>        Why should I?
>                -- soc.bi.secret.society member 666

>> "Aren't you all really gay?"
Only when I'm happy.

>> "Why would gays discriminate against bisexuals?"
>You can't trust us.

>> "What is the Kinsey scale?"
>No May Bi few so low two no.


   "It's sick."
   "That woman should make up her mind."
   "It's not healthy; she should pick one and stick with it."

Neither man nor woman will be able to trust you.

the myth that "bisexual women would
always choose a man over a woman," and that "bisexual women are
oversexed and turn to other women for relief when a real man isn't
around." (Almost the same myth, except the first is worded as it's
heard in the lesbian community, and the second as it's heard in the
straight community).

>I think we're talking AIDS here.  Did all the anti-gay hatred prior to
>AIDS come from some inner source of eternal truth, or is this just a
>new way of packaging old fear and hate?

"all bisexual women are really straight, and all bisexual men are
really gay."  My SO and I get a lot of that.  The lesbians in her
discussion group were always pressuring her to dump me because "he's
really gay and will just leave you anyway."  (A direct quote.)

>We've all met people who, by way of introduction, tell you
>"I'm gay and my name's Kevin.  Got a problem with that?"
which seems more a problem for Miss Manners than sociologists.

>>The individual felt that acceptance of bisexuality would cause people
>>to lose a distinctness of genders, that there would be a trend towards
>>androgeny if bisexuality was accepted.
>
>I had two reactions to this paragraph:
>
>1 -- ...and if we let whites and blacks marry eachother it might
>diffuse all those important race distinctions that we base our economy
>on.
>
>2 -- ...that's a GOAL in my mind.  Down with gender!  By totally
>removing different connotations to the different genders things like
>sexism and homophobia/biphobia will become obsolete!

ok, my orientation is as legitimate as yours, so FUCK OFF!"

Redneck:  Howdy, faggot.
Me (quick as can be): Howdy, bigot.

<> Tell you what.  When the vast majority of straight folks
<> in this country learn how to have a private life
<> privately, learn how to "just be themselves without
<> telling it to everybody", why then I'll try to learn from
<> them how to do the same.
<> -- Elaine May (elaine@hplvec.LVLD.HP.COM)

Bisexuals are equally attracted to both sexes.

Bisexuality is "a lifestyle" rather than an orientation.  Just
recently I called the number for the only bisexual group in San Diego.
The recording said that they're a support group that talks about "the
bisexual lifestyle".  I was impressed -- I had no idea there was such a
thing as _the_ bisexual lifestyle, and that these people had figured
out what it is.  A few years ago, when I went to do my bit on a Gay and
Lesbian speakers panel (which I'd been on a few times before), I was
informed that I'd been removed from that panel and placed on one called
"Alternative Lifestyles".  At that time in my life, my "alternative
lifestyle" was a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend.

A person is bisexual _only_ when they're having relationships with both
sexes.

If a bi woman settles down with a woman, she's a lesbian; if she
settles down with a man, she's straight.

    *   Everyone is bisexual.
    *   Nobody is bisexual.

    *   Bisexuals are
        ...just going thru a phase.
        ... haven't come out yet.
        ... are sitting on the fence.
    *   Bisexuals are denying that they are really
        ...heterosexual.
        ...homosexual.

    *   The only true bisexuals are people who are equally attracted
        to both sexes.

    *    Bisexuals
        ...are "promiscuous".
        ...have many sexual partners.
        ...will have sex with anyone.
    *    Bisexuals can't form stable relationships.

    *   Bisexuals are have no moral values.
    *   Bisexuals are immature.
    *   Bisexuals are unreliable.
    *   Bisexuality is a political cop-out.

    *   Bisexuals are responsible for spreading AIDS
        ...to the "normal" population.
        ...to the lesbian community

bisexuals "aren't really oppressed" because we can pass for straight.

The way I generally respond to someone who questions whether I'm not "just
going through a phase" is "I'm going through a *life*.  Are you the same
person you were ten years ago?  I know that I'm not, and I don't think that
I'll be who I am now in ten years' time".

<>Straight people bring their personal lives to work all
<>the time.  They just don't think they do.

"A Bisexual is someone who identifies themself as a bisexual".  This
eliminates the need to "prove something to someone"

1% MOTSS attraction or 99% MOTSS attraction is still 100% bi.

>What's it like to be in bed with a man and a woman at the same time?
Try it and see.

>What does semen taste like? / What's anal sex like? / What's it like
>to sleep with a motss?
Try it and see.

Woman: What's it [sleeping with a man] like?
Bi/gay man: I tell you what: first you tell *me* what it's like to
	    sleep with a man and then I'll tell *you* what it's like
	    for me, and that way we can compare notes. So, go
	    ahead---you first...

Woman: You could make a woman very happy.
Bi man: I'm pretty good with men too.

>What type of sexual experience do you find more enjoyable?
>Heterosexual or homosexual? And if you prefer one over the other, why?
Yes.

<> If I'm confused, if I'm screwed up, it's because I'm alive,
<> not because I'm bisexual.

<> My eccentricity doesn't come from my bisexuality.
<> --- David Parsons (orc@usite-next.uchicago.edu)

<> In my family, bisexuality is a family value.

<> "So, why ARE you straight, anyway?"

<> Just because the stereotype exists doesn't mean that you have to fit
<> it.  (Unless, of course, you want to!)
<> --- Coe Salzgeber (cjohnson@polyslo.csc.calpoly.edu)

<> My sexuality is for me, not for the consumption of hetero males.
<> --- Ellen Clary (pclary@nike.calpoly.edu)

<> It is astonishing how much energy some people waste worrying that
<> someone else might be enjoying life in ways they don't approve of.
<> --- Kevin Michael Vail

<> "But there *must* be homosexuals who date women?"
<> "Yes. They're called lesbians."
<> --- NBC tv sitcom "Golden Girls" (1991)

<> Q.  What do I say when introduced to a homosexual "couple"?
<> A.  "How do you do?  How do you do?"
<> --- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

<> How many times do I hear that being bisexual means you MUST have a
<> partner of each sex at the same time?
<> --- amy young (alyoung@silver.ucs.indiana.edu)
<> Where are we supposed to get the energy for dealing with all these
<> partners?
<> --- Iseult White (iw@tosser.Rational.COM)

<> You don't look like a fag.
<> Funny, neither do you.
<> --- Brett Manz (manz@ee.ualberta.edu)

<> The other day I heard a kid call another a faggot, and the kid so
<> called turned around to face his "accuser" and said, "Hey, if you want
<> me to suck your dick, just ask nicely, and I might."
<> --- STella (STella@xanadu.com)

<> why the fuck can't it be recognised that women love women through
<> *positive* reasons of loving women, not necessarily negative reasons of
<> hating men. --- Sara Hopkins (sara@castle.ed.ac.uk)

>>  Bi women are stereotyped as "actually straight," and will leave a female  
>>lover for a man, therefore, they must both really be there for the man  
>>rather than each other.  Bi men are stereotyped as being actually gay,  
>>therefore they are there for each other rather than, or as much as, for  
>>the woman.
>
>Actually it makes perfect sense. Boys are much more important and desirable
>than _girls_. Attractions that people have to _boys_ are much stronger. A girl
>only has sex with a girl because she can't find a boy. If a boy has sex with
>a boy he would never be interested in girls. Boys are the center of the
>universe.
>
>Gods below, that is sexist. It's a really that the queers fall for it just
>like the breeders.


I had a friend tell me that he was only 'a little' bisexual.
I asked him if he thought a women could ever be 'a little' pregnant.

>...I tend to look at
>myself, as someone put it recently, as a <name>sexual, as opposed to a
>heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.  I.e., I'm attracted to
>individuals, so I'm kinda a Omahasexual, a DeWolfosexual, a
>Peterosexual, a Kellysexual, a Sharonsexual, ect, ect...


A couple weeks ago, i appeared on a panel at a local H.S.  on lesbigay
issues. In the course of our discussion with the class, I revealed my
relationship with Joni, as well as our impending marriage-type
ceremony. One of the students asked me, since I was getting "married"
to another woman, didn't that mean I preffered women [to men]?  I said
no, it meant I preferred *her*.


	>he said "Bisexual, huh? want to come by my tent later?"
	>(all this without looking at my face, and then a little
	>giggle at the end, as if to imply that he's just joking,
	>so I shouldn't be offended.

	"No. <brief pause> Why?"
	"Only if I get to watch you have sex with a man first."
	"You know I've always had this fantasy of two men together...."
	"Only if I get to top you"
	(Might have to rephrase it as:)
	"Only if you're the receptive partner."
	"Only if I get to fuck you."
	"Don't be silly. Even *I* have my standards. <giggle>"
	"You're not my type, but I think my boyfriend would like you."
----cut here----


Another thing I am doing is trying to think of as many (impractical)
ways to come out as bisexual as possible. While this is an exercise in
humour, I also find it empowering. My list follows. (Most of these are
mine, but a few have been suggested by others.) Again, perhaps some of
the women here might consider compiling a list of impractical ways to
react to sexual harassment. (The suggestion of "try dressing in
camoflage gear, and carrying an assult rifle" brought this to mind.)


----cut here----
			 Copyright 1992  Raymond Lynch

			44 Ways to Come Out as Bisexual
			-------------------------------

o Leave a copy of "Bi Any Other Name" on the coffee table in your
appartment for visitors to notice.

o Place a full page advert announcing your sexuality in a local
newspaper. If that is too expensive then you might consider putting a
small notice in the BIrths section.

o Walk into the canteen at work with an uzi machine-gun and say "I'm
bisexual. Anyone got a problem with that?"

o When you meet somebody new, introduce yourself by saying "Hi, I'm
bisexual and my name is ..."

o Sit down with a flower beside some friends and start plucking its
leaves, saying "He loves me. He loves me not. She loves me. She
loves me not..."

o In the midst of passionate sex with your boyfriend, shout out a
woman's name.

o While eating dinner with your parents, say "Pass the potatoes please,
Dad, and, by the way, I'm bisexual."

o Get your mum a subscription of "Anything that moves" for her birthday.

o Take both a man and a woman along as dates to your prom or staff
Christmas party.

o When at a party, flirt outrageously with _everyone_.

o Hang pinups of both men and women on the wall beside your desk at
work.

o Buy yourself some personalised stationary which indicates your
sexuality.

o Go up for national election. The newspapers will try to dig up some
scandel on you close to election time and are bound to discover your
sexuality.

o Tell people that your are any of the following: hermaphrodite,
transverstite, transsexual or swinger. Chances are, they won't know the
difference.

o Put a "Bisexual Pride" bumper sticker on your car.

o Say it with flowers.

o Graffiti a wall with "<your name> loves Frank and Jane"

o Get involved in a sexual threesome with a man and a woman. Have a
fourth person present to take some photographs with your camera. Then
hand the roll of film into your local film development centre and, a
few days later, ask your mum to pick it up for you, saying that they
are holiday snaps. She's bound to look at them on the way home.

o Write a letter to your local newspaper, announcing you are starting
up a bisexual social group and that you welcome new members.

o Wear a "Bisexual Pride" t-shirt or a button badge with a suitable
slogan such as "Equal-opportunity lover".

o Pay for 1000 leaflets, announcing your sexuality, to be printed up
and delivered to each house in your neighbourhood.

o While sitting in a cafe with a friend, pass comments on all the
good-looking men and women who walk past.

o If asked out on a date, say "Sorry, I'm busy all this week helping
to organise a national bisexual conference."

o Buy a magazine which has has a Personal Ads section. Circle at least
one ad for a man and one for a women. Then casually leave this magazine
open at this page on your desk at work or the coffee table at home.

o Make a "Bisexual Pride" banner for a pride march and leave it lying
around your home when visitors call.

o Start a chain mail letter which says "<Your name> is bisexual. Please
send a copy of this letter on to 10 other people, otherwise you will
experience bad luck in the near future."

o Make an armchair from old fence-posts. Then when friends comment on
this ugly piece of furniture, you can say "But I _like_ sitting on the
fence..."

o Accept the responsibility of buying prizes for a club raffle. Make
sure to include some bisexual books and t-shirts among the prizes.

o Record a message on your telephone answering machine which says
"Sorry, I'm not in at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep.
Alternatively, you might try contacting me at the Bisexual Social
Group: 756-8290."

o Put a note on the notice-board at work/college, saying:
	Books for sale: "Bi Any Other Name", "Bisexual Lives" and
	"Bisexuality: A Reader and Sourcebook". Contact <your name> at
	756-8241 if interested."

o When asked: "Do you know Frank?"
Answer with: "Yes, I used to date him before I met Mary."

o Join a band as the lead singer. Have band practice in your garage once
a week and sing songs like "The Borderline Bisexual Blues" (pg 36--39 of
"Bisexuality: A Reader and Sourcebook", ed. Thomas Geller) or "Bi
Thing" (take-off of "Wild Thing" by the Troggs, as posted to soc.bi).
Make sure that the amplifier is turn up loud enough for the neighbours
to hear.

o Subscribe to several bisexual newsletters. Read them on the bus while
commuting to work or college.

o In written communication, consistently use "bi" in place of "by". For
example: bi oneself, bi the way, bi and bi, bi-law.

o Wear a "Bisexual Pride" t-shirt while taking part in a Queer Nation
or OutRage! demonstration and afterwards ring home to tell your parents
to watch out for you on the six o'clock news.

o Get a "BISEXY" personalised car-registration plate.

o Order two portions of dessert at the staff canteen and, if asked about
it, say "I like to have my cake and eat it too."

o If you live in an appartment block, write "<your name> (Bisexual)" on
the name label beside the doorbell.

o Get some stickers made up which say "... and Bisexual (get used to
it)" and attach these to any "Lesbian and Gay" posters you have on your
wall at home.

o Discard your ice cube trays. Then invite a date over for a drink, and
come staggering out of the kitchen with an unwieldy block of ice and an
ice-pick.  Claim that you like 'rough edges'.

o Subscribe to both Playboy and Playgirl.

o Get some business cards made up which have overlapping pink and blue
triangles instead of the company logo.

o Take a walk with a friend partner through a playground. Sit on a swing and
ask your friend to push you. After a minute of this, stop and sit
facing the other way on the seat. Again ask your friend to push you.
Keep alternating your position until your friend enquires about it. Then
reply "I like to swing both ways."

o "John and I are celebrating our 2nd anniversary tonight."
  "But I thought you celebrated that last week."
  "No, that was my 5th anniversary with Mary."
----cut here----


Ciaran.
-- 
Ciaran McHale                                                             ----
Department of Computer Science, Trinity College, Dublin 2, Ireland.       \bi/
Telephone: +353-1-7021539 FAX: +353-1-772204 email: cjmchale@dsg.cs.tcd.ie \/