Newsgroups: alt.support.diet
Subject: Re: I survived the holidays
From: geschwentp@kenyon.edu
Date: 4 Jan 93 13:29:03 -0500
Organization: Kenyon College

Hi, Jan and everybody! 

> (deletions throughout) I have always reacted 
> adversely to anyone that I felt was trying to restrict what or how much I 
> ate, and, rightly or wrongly, I've always felt that only *I* have the RIGHT 
> to do that to/for *me*.
Absolutely, only you have the right. However, if your adverse reaction to 
others' restrictions causes you to eat more, then, in a sense, you're letting
them control you anyway. It's your decision, whether they try to restrict you
or not.

> 
> My sister and I are very close, and she's very kind and would never knowingly
> hurt me, but I'll always be the "little sister", and perhaps she'll always
> want to "guide" me.  
I realized this year that, in my family, I'm *supposed* to be the fat one. I
look at pictures of us as children, and although I'm no heavier than my sister,
they always teased me about being fat. Neither of us were, and I can see that 
now.

But...this last visit home, both my mother and sister were several sizes
larger than me, and both still acted as if I were far larger than they. Once
I lost 100# and they *never* commented on or mentioned it! 

Maybe your sister feels this is her role--to "guide" you, and you have to talk
to her about how you've grown. She's not perfect herself.


>The way she's dealt with her weight problem is by be-
> coming a sensible and moderate eater rather than trying to avoid temptation
> entirely.  She exercises very little and eats very little now.  I truly do 
> applaud this approach (to eating, not the lack of exercise) and would very 
> much like to adopt it for myself, but during the visit I kept finding myself 
> confronted with rich foods that I was expected to eat only a bite or two of, 
> because that's what she was doing (or because that's all that was available).
I'm not sure that she's a very sensible or moderate eater! It doesn't sound as
if she's eating in a very healthy manner, and you shouldn't feel guilty about
failing to emulate her. Just because you're different than she is, and because
you can't succeed in the same manner doesn't mean *you're* wrong. Accept the
way you handle things as okay.  

> 
> As I'm writing this I'm realizing that I should have just TOLD her that I
> do poorly these days with her regimen: going out to eat all the time, order-
> ing burgers and fries that she eats only 2 or 3 bites of, then leaves the 
> rest (when was the last time I didn't finish my burger and fries and wish I
> could have eaten 2 of each?); going to buffets and all-you-can-eat places 
> and watching my sister eat only the lettuce and broiled fish and then 
> feeling fat and guilty when I put more on my plate than she did; watching
> her buy some tiny, very rich cookies, hand me one of them and then HIDE 
> THE BAG.  
This last part is downright rude on her part. Imagine doing this to a 
friend or guest! She may have been trying to be an example, but her ways
obviously don't work for you, and don't let her guilt you out!

> Thanks for listening.  I'm probably just being sour grapes-y about this,
> and maybe I've learned something.  I just feel like my sister should have
> inspired me, and instead I've come back feeling that I CAN'T change and
> become sensible and moderate like she has.  I still have this all-or-
> nothing approach to food and dieting.
> 
You might want to work on the all or nothing approach to change to doing the
best you can at any time!

> Jan
> 
> P.S.  I didn't gain any weight over the holidays (not surprising) and even
> lost a little, but even that doesn't make me feel any better.

Sounds like you did the best you could at the time. I'd talk to her in the
future. Maybe she won't listen because families don't always to confront their
family myths. But you'll feel better.

Did this help? I don't know, but I wish you success in finding your own way.
If you really feel something doesn't work for you, don't do it. Stop comparing
yourself to other people, and find your own way.

Patricia 
From: brooksp@hpcc01.corp.hp.com (Peter Brooks)
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 21:23:43 GMT
Subject: Re: getting back on track
Organization: the HP Corporate notes server