From: cgt@gargoyle.uchicago.edu (Carlos Talbot)
Subject: Reworked BA Quotes List 1/7
Keywords: Black Adder
Organization: University of Chicago Computing Organizations
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 17:01:33 GMT


There are probably many, many, many errors within this list; if you see one
let me know and I will try to fix it as soon as possible.

New list format based on Episode's ]
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
[ BlackAdder Series 1 ]

Black Adder (Edmund BA is the son of King Richard III). 1983

1. The Foretelling

EB    : Edmund Blackadder, Duke of Edinburgh (Rowan Atkinson)
B     : Baldrick (Tony Robinson)
KRIII : King Richard III (Peter Cook)
KRIV  : King Richard IV (Brian Blessed)

Edmund accidentally kills King Richard III, making his father the king
while he hides Henry Tudor in his room.

o  KRIII: "A horrrse!  A horrrse!  My kingdom...for a horrrse!"

o  "Oooh dear, Richard the Third..." 
       - Baldrick, discovering who it is that EB has just beheaded.
    
o  EB: "Ohhhh, I see.  Sorry, sorry, I thought you meant had I killed King 
        Richard!"

o  KRIV: "This day has been as 't'were -- a mighty stew in which the beef of 
          victory was mixed with the vile turnip of sweet Richard slain, and
          the grisly dumpling of his killer fled.  But we must eat the
          yellow wobbly parts the good Lord serves.  In life each man gets
          what he deserves....  Well, come on, let's go kill some more
          prisoners."

o  EB: "...Or, as I shall be known from now on...The Black Vegetable!"
   B : "My lord, wouldn't something like 'The Black Adder' sound better?"

o  EB: "History, here I come!"

o   Henry Tudor(from behind curtain): "BAAAH"
    Queen:  "Oh Edmund, its the lying I find so hurtful."
    EB:  "BAAAAH"
       - While queen is searching Adder's room for 'female' company, after
         asking if any sheep were in there and EB denying it.

2. The Queen of Spain's Beard

EB    : Edmund Blackadder, Duke of Edinburgh (Rowan Atkinson)
B     : Baldrick (Tony Robinson)
KRIV  : King Richard IV (Brian Blessed)
H     : Harry, Prince of Wales (Robert East)

In order to prevent war with Spain, Edmund must marry a Spanish 
princess.

o  EB: "So what you're saying, Percy, is that something you have never seen
        is only slightly less blue than something else that you have never
        seen."

o  KRIV: "What's that for?"
   H   : "Well, a couple of things."
   KRIV: "Correct!  And one of those things is...?"
   H   : "Best not mentioned, really."
   KRIV: "Right!  And the other is fornication.  And without fornication
          there is no marriage, and without marriage there is no diplomacy!"

o  B:  "Seethe, seethe, seethe.  If he goes on much longer, he'll turn into
        a seethe."

3. The Archbishop

EB    : Edmund Blackadder, Playing Archbishop of Canterbury (Rowan Atkinson)
B     : Baldrick (Tony Robinson)
KRIV  : King Richard IV (Brian Blessed)
H     : Harry, Prince of Wales (Robert East)
P     : Percy, Bishop of Ramsgate (Tim McInnerny)

Edmund is made Archbishop, which hasn't been a very safe office to hold,
especially when the King doesn't agree with the Church.

o  EB: "Are you sure about your source, Baldrick?"
   B:  "Yeah, it was Jane Smart.  You know, she was the one who told me about
        the Duchess of Kent and the chocolate chastity belt." 

o  KRIV: "Ohhh, God save us!"

o  KRIV: "I said, 'Who will rid me of this troublesome priest?'"

o  P: "Baldrick, you stand amazed."(holding a bone from a finger of Christ) 
   B: "I am!  I thought they only came in boxes of ten!" 

o  EB: "Tell me, Brother Baldrick, what exactly did God do to the Sodomites?"
   B : "I dunno, but I can't imagine it was worse than what they used to do 
        to each other."


4. Born To Be King

KRIV  : King Richard IV (Brian Blessed)
B     : Baldrick (Tony Robinson)
P     : Percy, Duke of Northumberland (Tim McInnerny)

With Richard off to the crusades, Edmund comes across evidence that casts
doubt on Prince Harry's stature as next in line to the throne.

o  KRIV: "As the good Lord says, love thy fellow man as you love yourself, unless
          they are Turks, then kill the bastards".

o   EB: "Percy, have you ever wondered what your insides looked like?"
    Percy: "Sometimes My Lord, yes."
    EB: "Then I'd be perfectly willing to satisfy your curiosity."
       - EB, wielding dagger, to Percy who is being his usual moronic self, 
         
o  B: "I have a cunning plan, my lord."

o  P: "The King is probably dead!  Long live the King!"

o    "Father, Father, come quickly.... there seems to have been a horrible
     accident."
       - BA to the king, concerning a cannon and Angus McAngus' head

5. Witchsmeller Pursuivant

EB    : Edmund Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson)
B     : Baldrick (Tony Robinson)
KRIV  : King Richard IV (Brian Blessed)
H     : Harry, Prince of Wales (Robert East)
P     : Percy, Bishop of Ramsgate (Tim McInnerny)
WS    : WitchSmeller (Peter Cook)

Edmund gets accused of being a witch by a witchsmeller.

o  P: "If the Devil likes carrots, why isn't it mentioned in the Bible, then? 
       Umm, why doesn't it say, 'Aaand...and he took the Lord up to the top 
       of a high mountain and offered him a carrot'?"

o  B: "Wait a moment, my lord!  I have a cunning plan that cannot fail!"

o   EB: "Trial by water ?"
    WS: "No, trial by axe ?"
    EB: "By, er axe."
    WS: "Yes, by axe.  The accused head is placed on a choping block with an 
         axe aimed at it.  If the axe bounces off, the accused is guilty and 
         is burnt at the stake."
    EB: "And if he is innocent?"
    WS: "The axe simply CUTS HIS HEAD OFF !"
    EB: "How very fair!"

o Peasants: "Who is that dark stranger", "That'll be prince Edmund"
       - BA1 ( after Edmund disguises himself with a piece of string so no  
         one with a grudge will give him the plague )

6. The Black Seal

EB    : Edmund Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson)
B     : Baldrick (Tony Robinson)
KRIV  : King Richard IV (Brian Blessed)
H     : Harry, Prince of Wales (Robert East)
P     : Percy, Duke of Notherumberland (Tim McInnerny)

With the help of the "six most dangerous men in England", Edmund attempts
to take over the throne.

o  KRIV: "I have two sons:  Harry and...Another One."

o  B and P:  "Don't drink the wine!!!!!"








Xref: sparky alt.comedy.british:2414 rec.arts.tv.uk:6302