From: caz@owlnet.rice.edu (HWRNMNBSOL)
Subject: The Failure Of Evolution
Organization: Rice University
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 04:41:12 GMT

This story is absolutely true.

                      - * -

A friend of mine owns a dog known, I believe, as a Papillon (sp?).  It is a
small dog, of easily puntable size, with strange ears that stick out like
little sails.  They are hyperactive, yappy, and cowardly as all hell.  They
seem to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.  Hence, they are prized
above most breeds as a desirable 'chic' pet.

The dog was in heat recently, and my friend decided to try and breed her.
An owner of a male dog was found, and the two were placed together in a 
room.  Fireworks were expected.  Sadly, the happy couple seemed to have a
love life that would make Ling-Ling look like the Whore of Babylon.

For one thing, nature had played a cruel trick on this particular species.
The legs of the female of this breed seem to be somewhat longer than those
of the male.  Hence, the enthusiastic male proved to be unequal to the 
challenge of 'hitting the mark', IF I MAY BE SO BOLD.  This problem was
promptly solved my friend, thoughtful as always, who provided a phonebook
for the Diminuative Don Juan to, shall we say, stand and deliver.

However, they were not out of the tunnel yet; or rather, into it.  The male
proved to be disturbingly inaccurate even with the height advantage nullified.
If she had been the broad side of a barn, she would have been quite safe, but
the silo would have been coated with a thick, milky goo.  After something
like a half-hour of disheartening marksmanship on the part of the little
Romeo, the bored owners solved this latest crisis with gentle but firm 
guidance on his sides and buttocks.  In this manner, docking maneuvers were
successfully realized.  (Side Note: I find this very sickening.  This is
kind of like having sex with a dog, using another dog as a sexual device.
Ugh.)

But wait!  Do not, for even a moment's moment, think that coital glory was
achieved between ze two young luff-aires!  No-no, mon-sewer!

Each time the owners inserted Tab A in Slot B, the female dog would yelp
loudly and take off running.  This reaction was chalked up to surprise, or
perhaps distress at being proxy-fucked by a huge, hairy hominid.  Each time,
the little strumpet was recaptured and Mission: Impossible was attempted
again.  Each time, the same thing happened, over and over again.  The owners
eventually agreed that something was wrong, and the dog would have to be
examined by a doctor.  Score: Eris, Goddess of Discord: 1; Owners: 0.

The next day the vet took a look at the female dog.  He attempted to take
a peek at the bitch's vagina, but found that he could not even get the 
tip of his little finger inside.  Apparently, that is just REALLY GODDAMN
TIGHT, even for a teeny little dog.  The vet concluded that, despite two
prior alleged 'mating attempts', penetration must not have occurred, 
because this dog was the virginest virgin he had ever seen.  

They decided to use artificial insemination.  According to the doc, the
hormones released by pregnancy should open up the orifice in question,
thereby allowing a natural and relatively-painless birthing.  In this
way was the nupital conjoining of these two happy, lucky dogs completed.

                            - * -

Never, ever in my life have I seen a better example of a species for 
whom Evolution Should Be Allowed To Run Its Course.

Except possibly newbies.......
-- 
HWRNMNBSOL
product of unnatural selection