From: elf@halcyon.com (Omaha Sternberg)
Subject: Re: the "oh" experience
Originator: elf@halcyon.com
Reply-To: elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Organization: Pendor, UnLtd.
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 09:26:42 GMT

In article <1992Aug20.083522.12898@nwnexus.WA.COM>
     elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg) writes:

>In article <1992Aug19.091952.28939@specialix.co.uk>
>     kamal@specialix.co.uk (Kamal Mortoza) writes:
>
>>Well - my wife and I are both bi-sexual. But we found that the sharing 
>>experience was more important than plain fooling around seperately - which
>>all too often can cause jealosy, no matter how hard one tries to control it.
>
>   BZZZZT.  No matter how hard YOU try to control it.  My wife and I
>have had a successfully open and bisexual relationship for seven years
>now.  Not only do we _not_ insist on being in on each other's sexual
>lives, we've found we cannot function that way.  Yes, Omaha and DeWolf
>are the best of friends and love each other very much; Yes, I find May
>very attractive and, if Omaha's relationship with her starts going
>anywhere I'd love to get to know May better, but I don't insist that I
>be a part of those relationships, and I don't insist that Omaha be a
>sexual component of DeWolf and my sexual lives.

   Not only that, but DeWolf and I have a SEPERATE relationship going as
well. DeWolf is the only person I have found who can physically force me to
be a bottom, as it were. I'm not the type to just fall to my knees when a
top tells me to...she/he better have a damn good reason! Like physically
forcing me to. DeWolf and I have a wonderful time doing this, and its
something that Elf doesn't like that much(he's so DELICATE, giggle). Anyway,
as Elf says, we can't really function well if we're always in on each
other's sexual lives. It adds an air of mystery, trying to imagine what
DeWolf might be doing to Elf right now.

>   This method works, for us.  Not what's happening here... _You_ are
>lecturing to the audience about what, In Your Apparently Not So Humble
>Opinion, works.  Sorry, not only does your method not always work, but
>in the case of _my_ relationship, it would be downright destructive!
>
>   But don't presume to lecture to Piglet, or anyone else, about how it
>"should be," because what you think "should" ain't necessarily so.
>Offering examples is wonderful; in your case you have some to offer,
>and I think you should do so.  But presuming to have "the answer" is
>arrogant in the extreme.

   Hey, Elf chill out babe. I mean, after all, many times YOU presume to
have the answer to everything.

>>Going seperate ways will always raise the suspicion of deception - even
>>if there isn't any.
>
>   *SNORT*.  In other words, you don't trust your wife to come home,
>eventually.  Those niggling little fears of yours can't be dealt with
>by your love and trust in her.  Omaha and I have no such trouble.  And
>if we did, it would be our _responsibility_, as adults, to understand
>why, and decide whether we should fix it, or forget it.
>
>   You want my rude, crude, and socially unacceptable blanket
>statement?  Your marriage isn't secure; you need to have each other _in
>sight_ when you're "sharing."

   Uh, no, I don't think that he, or many others for that matter, want your
"rude, crude, and socially unacceptable blanket statement." on his marriage.
Besides, aren't YOU the one lecturing him on making blanket statements about
things? And as for security, if that's the way he and his wife want their
relationship, then three cheers for them. They have every right to have it
that way if its comfortable for them, just as having our relationship our
way is right for us because its comfortable for us. Piglet, as I said in the
other post, expirement, and find the relationship that's comfortable for
you, not what everybody else THINKS is comfortable for you. After all,
you're the only one who will really know. The only thing that asking
opinions is good for is to try it out, then throw away if it doesn't work
for you.

>>Try to relax a little, try threesomes. It can be just as fulfilling as
>>one on one lovemaking.
>
>   [ Snide mode on ]
>
>   Nineteen years, huh... let's see... 1973?  Well, that explains a
>lot.  Your entire post reads like a swingers manifesto from 1976.
>Guess what?  The 70's are DEAD!
>
>   [ Snide mode off ]

   "[Snide mode on]"? Pulease! The 70's are dead?! What, did you go out and
kill it yourself?! Hey, whatever works for you. Personally, I detest
political correctness, and violate it whenever I get the chance. But that's
what makes our marriage work so well, we're so different, and yet the same.
Simple and not so simple.

   I can't stress this point enough...WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU IS WHAT YOU
SHOULD DO...NOT WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE SAYS SHOULD BE DONE.

>   In my soft and tender (not to mention tenderized) 26 years, I have
>relaxed a number of times, I have tried a number of things.  Some of
>them have worked, some of them have not.  Threesomes are one of the
>things that have _not_ worked for me.  I find the "third" person in a
>threesome distracting; I find myself feeling responsible for more than
>one other person's pleasure.
>
>   _For me_, having someone inflict massive amounts of pain on me is,
>in certain settings, as fulfilling as one-on-one lovemaking.  But I am
>not going to suggest to _you_, or anyone else, that the road to
>pleasure and joy is through being whipped so hard that your lips turn
>blue, your skin goes cold and you pass out.
>
>   Couples, triples, even working dozensomes, have their own rules made
>up by the people in them, and those rules work for them.  Those rules
>may include complicated charts, diagrams, and LOTUS 1-2-3 spreadsheets
>organizing who will sleep with whom and when... and if they're
>functioning, leave them alone.  Piglet said, quite emphatically, that
>she doesn't feel comfortable with the thought of a threesome.  Telling
>her to relax isn't helpful.  That's like telling a rape victim to relax
>and enjoy it.  (Okay, maybe the analogy's a little strong, but Piglet
>is _not_ having a good day and I don't think any of us want her doing
>something she won't enjoy because it's presented as "the only way.)
>
>   MY relationship works because I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt,
>that my wife WILL come home.  No questions asked.  And she knows I
>will.  No doubt, no suspicion, no deception.
>
>   Cite examples, encourage communication.  Laying down the law,
>especially where humans are involved, doesn't help.
>
>         Elf !!!

   Omaha Sternberg
-- 
Elf Sternberg    __   |     I have looked into the abyss, and the abyss
elf@halcyon.com  \/   | has looked into me.  Neither liked what we saw.
elf@polari.online.com |                              - Brother Theodore
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