From: williamt@athena.Eng.Sun.COM (Dances with Drums)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: ISO Bi-Fem and Girlfriend
Date: 2 Oct 92 22:28:21 GMT
Reply-To: williamt@athena.Eng.sun.com (Dances with Drums)
Organization: Sun Microsystems Inc., Mountain View, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: athena

Weird, but I got someone's comments on Muffy's article before I got
Muffy's article...but such is usenet.  Anyway, at the risk of
quoting things out of context, I'll attempt to respond.

>In article <MUFFY.92Oct1102623@remarque.berkeley.edu> muffy@remarque.berkeley.edu (Muffy Barkocy) writes:
>>Aha! You have finally hit it.  "minimum but not sufficient."  When it
>>*is* sufficient that, for example, I am female, then I *do* feel that
      ^^^^^^^^^^^
>>the person is NOT ATTRACTED TO *ME*, and I do not find *that*
>>attractive. ...
---
	Sufficient for what?

	
>> It has nothing to do with them indicating that they want
>>something and me therefore "trying to make it scarce.". ...
---
	I'll get to this in another posting.
	

>> I am not saying
>>that they should *ignore* what they find attractive, I'm saying that I
>>do not find it appealing when a single quality (or even a pair of
>>qualities, such as poly and bi) are *sufficient* for this person to want
>>me, without knowing anything more about me.  In that case, they don't
>>want *me* they would take ANY person with those qualities. ...
---
	Take you?  Perhaps being 'bi and poly' are sufficient to generate
interest, though you can't ignore the fact that you are also 
reasonably attractive.  So lets take 'bi, poly and attractive'.  This
should not be sufficient for someone to be interested in you?  We 
aren't talking marriage here -- we are talking about something that
attracts some set of males.  Whether or not you would last the week, or
even to a 2nd date may depend on a host of other things.  Do you have
an IQ over 80?  Are you informed in the world?  Are you good in bed?
Can you be pleased by the person (and can you please them).  Etc etc...
The fact is, there is going to be some set of features that will draw
people initially.  

	Now I can understand your dissatisfaction if all they were ever
interested in was the fact that you were bi, poly and attractive, since
that isn't alot to base much of any relationship on.  But having those
items as initial attracters I don't see as being wrong or horrible.



>> One of the
>>NECESSARY qualities for me to be attracted to someone is that they are
>>interested in me, personally.  If I find out that they'd take anyone
>>with a certain quality that I have, then I no longer believe that they
>>are interested in me personally, so I am no longer attracted to them.
---
	Gee, suppose they were interested in anyone who had your fingerprints?
Um...what do you consider 'you' personally?  I mean I had a list at
one point of about 25-30 items that would be in my ideal mate.  There is
a good chance that anyone who fit all those items is someone I would be
attracted to -- but that's the catch.  Fitting all those items.  There
may only be 1 person in the whole world who matches or there may be 
0 or there may be 10...I dunno.  But the question remains -- what
makes up 'you'?  I would gather that anything you can come up with will
be a list of traits, likes and dislikes that you have -- that someone
else *could* have.

	How do you define 'you'


>>Muffy
william
--
 --- "If women really earned fifty-nine cents to the dollar for the same
 work as men, what business could compete effectively by hiring men at
 any level?"    -- Dr. Warren Farrell
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory