Newsgroups: alt.tv.red-dwarf
Subject: Backwards
From: alien@acheron.amigans.gen.nz (Ross Smith)
Date: 11 Oct 92 18:28:54 GMT+12
Distribution: world
Organization: Wanganui Amigans, Wanganui, NZ

   I've always wondered what they're really saying in "Backwards".  I don't
know if I'm the only prat in the country to bother (see below), but having
recently borrowed an audio sampler and the relevant software (thanks,
Radar), I've finally been able to find out.  For the benefit of anyone else
who's curious, here are the actual words, as well as I can make them out...

                                   -----

   Scene :  Truck picks up crate and stops.  Driver says something to
Rimmer and Kryten.

   Actual words :  "I'm going into town if you want a lift."

                                   -----

   Scene :  In the cafe.  Waitress speaks to woman at back table; woman
replies.

   Actual words :  Sorry, these are impossible to make out.  The waitress's
line is almost certainly just random syllables.  The customer's first line
is "Yes, (something)"; her second line (actually spoken by a different
person) is something like "These were delicious".

                                   -----

   Scene :  Waitress dumps some rubbish on Rimmer and Kryten's table, then
speaks to Kryten.

   Actual words :  Very distorted, but sounds like "Here it is now".

                                   -----

   Scene :  Lister and Cat steal a bike.  Owner yells at them; caption
claims he's saying "You scoundrels!  Return my bike immediately!"

   Actual words :  "Oi!  Hey!  Oi, you robbing bastards, that's our
tandem!"

                                   -----

   Scene :  Lister and Cat try to talk to a van driver, then hitch a ride.
Driver's first line is not captioned; second line, caption says "Sorry, I'm
English -- are you Bulgarians?"; third line, caption says "Yes, I know this
pub.  Hop in."

   Actual words :  First line, "Pardon?" The other two lines are accurately
captioned.

                                   -----

   Scene :  Lister and Cat enter the pub.  Cut to MC, who introduces Rimmer
and Kryten.  Caption reads "Take your hands apart and give a big, warm
goodbye to the Sensational Reverse Brothers!"

   Actual words :  As captioned.

                                   -----

   Scene :  Lister and Cat try to order drinks.  They ask the guy next to
them what he's drinking, and he replies (according to the caption)
"Bitter".  The barmaid repeats this a couple of times.  A bit later, the
other guy says (caption again) "Same again".

   Actual words :  "Bitter" is correct.  The drinker's later line is
difficult to make out, but it certainly isn't "Same again"; it may be "She
knows best", but why he might say that I can't imagine.

                                   -----

   Scene :  Guy bursts into dressing room and holds an angry conversation
with Kryten and Rimmer, apparently about them starting a fight.

   Actual words :  (This is the good one...) First line, "Frankly, your
act's crap.  Anyway, anybody could have done it.  I hate the lot of you.
Bollocks to you!" Second line, "You are a stupid, square-headed, bald git,
aren't you?  I ain't pointing at you, I'm pointing at you.  But I'm not
actually addressing you, I'm addressing the one prat in the country who's
bothered to get hold of this recording, turn it round, and actually work
out the rubbish that I'm saying.  What a poor, sad life he's got!"

                                   -----

   Scene :  Back in the barroom.  The manager and Kryten are arguing.
Dialogue runs Manager, Kryten, Rimmer (normal), Kryten, Manager.

   Actual words :  Manager's second line is "No no no no no, rubbish!" The
rest is incomprehensible, apparently just random syllables.

                                   -----

   Scene :  Man walks (backwards) up to Rimmer and Cat's table and says
something to them.  Cat says, "What's the matter with him?".  Man says
something else.

   Actual words :  First line, "You bloody bastards!" Second line, "You've
unscoffed my sodding pie!"

                                   -----

   Scene :  Cat removes coins from charity box.  Barmaid says something to
him.

   Actual words :  "Thank you."

                                   -----

--
...... Ross Smith (Wanganui, NZ) ...... alien@acheron.amigans.gen.nz ......
                 "It's all absolutely devastatingly true,
              except the bits that are lies." (Douglas Adams)