From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: finding a long lost perp
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 17:49:37 GMT

asar.319@wpi.wpi.edu (Edward Tyrrill)  writes:

>APS-Name: Edward Tyrrill

>Hi Folks,

>I just talked to my mom again.  She's trying to hunt down Phil (my
>perp).  And that kinda scares me.  If I had known where he was a 
>couple months ago I would have gone and killed him.  I fantasized
>about just beating him to a pulp with my bare hands.  And him
>getting up every time after I hit him so I could hit him again
>and again and again until my hands were covered with his blood
>and finally he lay on the ground and didn't get up ever again.
>(I've a pretty muscualr build too).  

how very similar.  my mom isn't trying to find my perp, but then she knew all
along, and was (unlike, i think, your mother) somewhat responsible for what
happened to me.  she was stoned at the time, and let him talk her into things
she would never have agreed to in a rational frame of mind.  but i digress.
i've often wondered what i would do if i ever found him, and have worried too
that i might kill him.

>But now I don't think I could do that.  I hold human life in high
>regard...even of scum like him.  Besides.  Death is too easy.  He
>deserves to suffer more.  Like I have.

you're right.  on the other hand, how much other suffering has he caused in the
intervening 16 years?  does he deserve to live?  i don't think so.  am i going
to be the one to kill him?  no.

>But I don't know what I'd do if my mother found him.  I didn't even
>think to ask why she was looking for him.  If she wanted to turn him
>in to the police, or if she just wanted to ask him, "How the hell
>could you do this to my son"?  I was just too taken back to ask her
>when she told me.  

i have a "prepared speech" that i'd lay on him should i ever run into him
again.  lathing words to pare down the gristle of his soul to bone.  i could
basically make him feel like the worlds worst human being, then walk off
laughing at his pathetic self.  or at least i like to think so.  rationally i
know that there are decent odds that he wouldn't even care.

>The last time she (or I) had any contact with him was nearly fourteen
>years ago.  When I was nine years old.  So he could be anywhere by
>now.  Or dead even.  So I dunno.  I might not have anything to worry
>about.  But I'm still worried.  How would I react if I knew where he
>was?

yeah, he could be dead now.  i rather suspect that he is.  he was the sort that
would end up dead in a ditch somewhere or something.  also, i don't want to
know where he is.  if you don't either, i would tell your mom not to tell you
where he is if she finds him.  i tend to avoid finding out information that i
don't want to know, or think i shouldn't know.  like the phone number of an
ex-'friend' of mine after she moved.  i found it in my roll-a-dex and gave it
to a friend to destroy before i could memorize it.

>Also.  My mom totally blames herself for what happened to me.  And
>I think it would probably be a good idea for her to see a counselor.
>But like me she could never afford it.  (I get counseling for free
>at the counseling center on campus).  Any suggestions on places she
>might go?  She lives in southern california (like me) if that helps
>any.

perhaps you could sort of be a counselor for you mother.  you don't seem to
blame her; you could explain to her that he shouldn't blame herself.  it wasn't
her fault, after all.  she didn't even know, right?

good luck, and best wishes.
-- 
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