From: TAB129@psuvm.psu.edu (Todd Bobenrieth)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: BarTrek III
Date: 3 Sep 92 13:57:39 GMT
Organization: Penn State University

Fade into the Enterprise zooming by.

Picard: Captain's Log, Stardate 5208.4. The Enterprise is on a routine
        maintanance check on the AL TV pirate satellite in the Dalbiton
        Vegrant Sector. We are scheduled to arrive there in roughly 4 hours.

Cut to Ready Room, where Picard is reading a book.

Worf: Captain, we are now entering the sector.

Picard: Already? I thought we weren't supposed to be there for another four
        hours.

Worf: Negative. We are already here.

Picard: Alright, I'm on my way.

Picard puts the book down and walks out onto the Main Bridge.

Picard: Wake up, Riker!!!

Riker suddenly sits up in his chair.

Riker: Sir, we are still four hours away from the pirate satellite.

Picard: Will, we are already here.

Riker: No, sir...we are four hours away. Look at the viewscreen.

The viewer says Four Hours To Pirate Satellite.

Picard: Mr. Worf...why did you call me out here if we aren't really there?

Worf: Sir, I didn't call you.

Picard: You're kidding.

Worf: Klingons never kid.

Picard looks around the bridge.

Picard: Fine, I'll be in my Ready Room.

Picard turns around and marches back into the ready room.

Picard: Silly intercom system.

Q: Nothing is wrong with your intercom, I sent you that message.

Picard spins around quickly to see Q sitting in the Captain's Chair, reading
the book.

Picard: Q??!!!!

Fade into the main title sequence.

Fade back into the ready room, where Q is ripping pages out of the book.

Titles appear...     "PICARD, ANY CARD"

Picard: Q, to what do we owe the pleasure of your company?

Q: I thought it has been long enough for you to endure life without me.

Picard: Most thoughtful...you can leave now.

Q: I don't think so, Picard. You see, I have decided to play another trick
   on you and your crew. But this time...it will be more of an adventure.

Picard: I don't have time for your silly games.

Q: That is very unfortunate, considering there is nothing you can do about it.

Picard: Mr. Worf, please come to my ready room.

Q: Oh, my oh my, Picard. You think he will intimidate me enough to leave?

Worf comes into the room and sees Q.

Worf: Q!!!!!

Q: Very good, Worf. I thought you said he was dumber than that, Captain.

Worf turns to look at Picard, who just waves the idea off.

Worf: What are you doing here?!

Q: You see, Worf, I have decided to play a little game with you...see how you
   react when put in a different environment.

Worf: That sounds stupid.

Q: Then you should excell in this game.

Worf growls, to which Q responds by making a glass of water dump over his
head.

Picard: I have had enough of this, Q. Leave this ship at once.

Q: I do so because it suits me, but when I return...be ready to play.

Q vanishes in a flash of white light.

Worf: Sir, I suggest we put the ship on emergency status and fire all weapons
      into a wide radius in front of us.

Picard: Why?

Worf: You can never be too sure.

Picard: Very well, Worf. Make it so. We can take no chances when Q is around.

Worf: Aye, sir. (turns to leave) Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy..I get to shoot things.

Worf skips out of the room and Picard rubs his forehead.

Fade to commercial

Voice: For three years, his music has touched the hearts of millions. Now you
       can own the golden voice of Jeff McQuillen in his latest album, I Wish
       It Was the Seventies All Over Again. You'll here his greatest ballads
       and love songs such as...

Jeff: Chestnuts roasting...on an open fire....

Voice: You'll also get...

Jeff: Chestnuts roasting....on an open fire...

Voice: The Golden Voice of Jeff McQuillen can be yours for the low low price
       of 29.95. Order today...

Fade back in to a shot of the bridge. Geordie is watching an episode of
Doctor Who on the viewer, Data is chattering to anyone who will listen,
Riker is fixing his hair, Troi is smoking a cigar, and Picard and Worf are
playing chess.

Guinan walks in off the turbolift.

Guinan: I suppose this is what you call being on alert.

Picard: What? Oh, hello Guinan...did you say something?

Guinan: No, I was just seeing what was up here on the bridge.

Riker: And did you find out?

Guinan: I just got here, idiot!

Riker: Oh, sorry.

Picard goes back to playing chess, not noticing that Worf moved a piece that
didn't belong to him.

Data: Hey, ah...Captain, sir...why are we on alert, by the way?

LaForge: Yeah, and why did we fire weapons out into open space?

Picard: I received a visit from our old friend, Q.

LaForge: Q???

Data: Yeah, you know...James Bond's boss.

LaForge: Oooohhh.

Picard: No!!!! Q, the all powerful entity.

Q: You rang?

Everyone turns to look at Q, who is sitting where Troi used to be. Troi is
now where Riker used to be, Riker is where Data used to be, Data is where
Picard used to be, etc.

Picard: Q, we are on an urgent mission, we cannot tolerate any bothering.

Q: So fire Data. I don't like him either. In fact...

Q makes Data stand up and fall down continuously.

Picard: That's enough!

Q: OH...party pooper.

Data stands back up and sits down in the Captain's Chair, which is gone now.
Data falls.

Q: And now...lets go play a game...

A bright light sends them all off the bridge, they reappear in a large room.

Picard looks at himself. He is now dressed in a long black robe.
Riker is dressed in a suit, and is carrying a briefcase.
Data is dressed in rags.
Guinan is dressed in a big blue uniform.
Geordie is dressed in an old man's sweater and a black shirt.
Worf is dressed in a big blue uniform, and is standing underneath a light
fixture that arches perfectly to match his head.
Troi is dressed in a suit jacket and skirt.

Picard: What the hell is this?

Fade into commercial.

Coming this summer to theaters everywhere...Jason is back..and this time...
HE'S GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!!!  That's right..everyone's favorite mass
murderer is going to Florida to take on Mickey, Goofy, and the guys..
Friday The 13th Part IX: Jason Takes A Vacation...Rated R.

Fade back into the room with the crew.

Picard: Where the hell are we? Q??? Q???

Q appears in a bright flash of light.

Q: Oh, calm down, big guy. This is the game we are going to play. You, mon
   capitan, are now Judge Harold T. Stone. The rest of you should be able to
   figure out your respective roles.

Q vanishes and the crew looks at each other.

Worf: Sir, I protest, I am not a bald, ten story baliff originally from
      Bradford, PA who made his fame playing an idiot on an old Earth
      television show.

Picard: How do you know all this?

Worf: Ummm....Data told me.

Data: That is incorrect, Worfy...I, ah, didn't say anything of the nature.

Picard: Regardless...I suppose I should fill you in on who you apparently are.

Riker: That would be nice, sir.

Picard: Will, you are apparently Dan Fielding, the prosecuting attorney.
        Data, you are unquestionably Phil, the bum. Troi, you appear to be
        Christine Sullivan, the defense attorney.

Troi: Oh, wonderful.

Picard: Geordie, you appear to be Mac, the court secretary.

LaForge: Oh, man...that's a girl's job!

Picard: Guinan...you appear to be Roz, another baliff.

Guinan: WHY??!!! What the HELL do I have in common with ROZ???!!!

Picard: And Worf...you, as you guessed, are Bull Shannon.

Worf(gets dopey look on his face): O...kay.

Picard: But why would Q bring us here...what possbily could be the meaning of
        this?

Suddenly, the court doors swing open and the crowd walks in.

Riker: I guess this means we have to proceed with the proceedings.

Picard: I suppose you are right, Number Twelve..er...Dan...

Riker smirks at Picard and goes to his table.

Worf: All rise, the New York criminal court is now in session, the honorless...
      Um...honorable Harold T. Stone presiding.

Everyone stands up. Picard starts to sit down and the crowd does the same. But
just in the nick of time, Picard stands back up.

Picard: Gotcha....

The crowd groans.

Picard: Well, Mac, what do we have today?

LaForge is searching his desk, but since its only paper, he can't tell the
reports apart from each other.

LaForge: Sir, you may have to give me a minute with this.

Picard stands up and goes to where LaForge is sitting.

Picard: Never mind, I'll get it myself.

LaForge: Thanks, sir.

Picard grabs a folder and returns to his seat.

Picard: Well, lets see...the Angry Husband vs the Kung Fu Kid.

Worf leads a battered guy in with a man in a ninja outfit.

Picard: Well, Wor....I mean, Bull, which is which?

Worf growls at Picard.

Picard: So anyway, what have we got here, Mr. Fielding?

Riker: The Kung Fu Kid was apparently having an affair with Mr. Higgins' wife
       and got caught in the act.

Picard: Doin' a little Kung Foolin' around, eh?

Kung Fu Kid bows to Picard.

Troi: Captain....(gets angry look from Picard)... Judge Stone, my client is
      really sorry about this and we think he should be let go.

Riker: Oh really? He banged Higgins' wife then beat him up...umm...actually...

Picard: I rule in favor of the plaintiff, 3 weeks in prison and a fine of
        five dollars.

Higgins: Oh wow...with that I can go to the movies....by myself.

Worf leads the two away.

Picard: Number Twelve, Counciller, approach the bench.

Riker and Troi come close to the judge's bench.

Picard: So far I see nothing out of the ordinary about this. Why in the world
        did Q bring us here?

Q: Next case, the the Klingon Empire against Captain James T. Kirk.

Everyone looks at Q, who is standing where Geordie was.

Commercial

Sally Struthers: Hello, I'm Sally Struthers, did you know that last year alone,
                 one out of every one billion Americans were killed in blimp
                 related accidents? That's a shocking figure, isn't it?
                 That's why I subsribed to Mutual of Oman's Life Insurance
                 Policy that covers derigible related accidents. And if you
                 buy now, during our Hindenberg Gala Program, you'll get a free
                 copy of Jeff McQuillen's new album, I Wish It Was The 70's All
                 Over Again. So buy now...and remember...

JINGLE: Mutual of Oman is people...you can count on when your blimp goes down.

Paid for by the commity to free Charles Manson.

Fade back in to the court where everyone is staring at Q.

Picard: The Klingon Empire against Captain James T. Kirk?

Q: That's right, Picard. You and your crew will decide the fate of everyone's
   favorite Captain.

Picard: I thought I was everyone's favorite captain.

Riker laughs out loud.

Riker: Sorry sir.

Picard: And anyway, the Klingon Empire is no longer trying to seek out and
        eliminate Kirk.

Q: Not anymore, but this is a court of the year 1987.

Picard: But Kirk wasn't even born back then, and no one had any idea that
        Klingons even existed.

Q: Don't confuse me. I had a brilliant plan and now you're messing it up.

Picard: Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Q: No matter, we shall still go through this trial.

Picard: And who will be on the prosecuting side with Commander Riker?

Q: Quite simple, I have assembled the following individuals...

As Q names them, they walk in though the doors and sit behind Riker.

Q: This is Commander Klaa, he still hasn't given up the idea of putting Kirk
   in his place.
   This is Maltz, Kirk captured him just before the Genesis planet exploded.
   And this is my start witness...ladies and Gentlemen of the court...
   KHAN NOONIAN SINGH!!!!!!

Everyone gasps as Khan walks in through the door.

Khan: You still remember me. I am touched...and amazed, considering you
      people never met me.

Picard: Q, you said this was the Klingons against Kirk...why did you bring
        Khan?

Q: I couldn't think of the name of Christopher Lloyd's Klingon character.

Picard: Oh.

Q: And now ladies and gentlemen...introducing the defendant...the one...the
   only....Captain James....T......KIRK!!!!!

The original Trek theme plays over the intercom as Kirk stolls into the
courtroom.

Picard: Greetings, Captain Kirk. It is a pleasure to meet you.

Kirk: Yes, it is..isn't it.

Kirk takes a seat beside Troi and immediately kisses her.

Q: And now, Picard...let the games begin.

Picard: Mr. Prosecuting Attorney, you may begin.

Riker: What? Oh...the trial, right. um...I'd like to call my first witness.
       I call Commander Klaa to the stand.

Klaa stands and salutes Picard, who returns the salute. He looks over at Kirk
and sticks his tongue out at him.

Riker: Commander Klaa, what is it that brings you to these proceedings.

Klaa: I am in the "I Hate Kirk Fan Club" and was selected to represent them.

Riker: I see, no further questions.

Picard: WILL!!!!

Riker: Alright, alright...Commander Klaa, why was this club formed.

Klaa: Because the outlaw, Kirk has been a thorn in the side of the empire
      for many years. He has hunted down and killed countless masses of
      defenseless Klingons.

Kirk: BUT.........that's a lie!

Picard: Kirk, you will speak when spoken to and at no other time.

Kirk sits down and twiddles his thumbs.

Riker: And Commander Klaa, what is your personal quarrel with Kirk?

Klaa: He was the cause of my demotion. He humiliated me.

Riker: No further questions.

Picard: Defense, your witness.

Troi: Commander Klaa, do you like chocolate?

Klaa: Chock-o-let?

Troi: Never mind. Anyway, is it not true that Kirk was not the one who got
      you demoted, but rather it was your own fault???

Klaa: No.

Troi: Oh.

Kirk stands up and approaches the bench.

Kirk: Judge....Stone, is it? I request that I be aloud to defend myself at
      these proceedings.

Picard: I see no harm in that.

Kirk: Alright, Klaa, you can leave now. I have nothing to say to you.

Klaa leaves and Kirk whirls around to face the crowd.

Kirk: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury...I'd like to call MY first witness to
      the stand....I now call on...Mr. SPOCK!!!!

Everyone gasps and turn to look at the door.

Spock: I am here, Captain.

Dramatic music climaxes as we fade out.

Riker: Objection.

Picard: On what grounds?

Riker: Right here where we stand!

Picard: I mean why do you object?

Riker: Because Spock WAS legally dead...isn't there some rule that a dead guy
       can't testify?

Picard glares at Riker then a book suddenly appears in front of Picard. It
opens by itself to a certain page and Picard reads from it...

Picard: No dead man may testify in any given trial, especially when dealing
        with Captain James T. Kirk.

Riker: There you go.

Picard: I am sorry, Mr. Spock, but I cannot let you testify at these
        proceedings.

Kirk: Oh, that's..........just wonderful.

Picard: You're talking out of turn again, Captain.

Kirk: Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me. (In perfect Steve Martin voice)

Picard: Now, let's continue. Do you have any other witnesses, Kirk?

Kirk: Yes, your....honor. I'd like to call Leonard McCoy, my medicinal officer.

Worf: The court now calls on Leonard H. McCoy to the stand.

McCoy: I heard you the first time, you damn...Klingon. Don't rush me.

McCoy makes his way to the stand.

Worf: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the
      truth so help you God?!

McCoy: No, I'm gonna lie to you!

Worf growls at McCoy.

Picard: You may proceed, Councellor.

Troi: HAH! You already dismissed me from this case, what do you want me to
      continue with?!

Picard: I was talking to Mr. Fielding.

Troi folds her arms and shrugs.

Riker: Sir, isn't it common procedure to allow the party who called the
       witness to the stand to question him first?

Picard: I'm a Captain, not a lawyer, dammit!

McCoy stands up and gives Picard a deadly look.

Picard: Very well, proceed, Captain Kirk.

Kirk: Thank you. Now, Dr. McCoy...would you say I'm wreckless?

McCoy: Yes.

Kirk: Would you say I am a threat to society?

McCoy: Yes.

Kirk: Would you say She sells sea shells at the sea shore five times really
      fast?

McCoy: What the hell is this, Jim? A trial or a game show?

Data: Ah, if I may suggest an appropriate game show...

ALL: SHUT UP!!!

Data reaches in his ripped pockets in search of lint, or anything else that will
keep him occupied.

Kirk: As I was saying, Dr. McCoy, do you think that the....allegations made
      by the...Klingons have any basis in fact?

McCoy: Ummmmm....

McCoy looks into Kirk's pleading eyes, then around the courtroom.

Picard: Dr. McCoy?

McCoy: I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it may incriminate Kirk.

Riker: Objection!

Picard: Sustained.

Riker: You didn't even ask what it was for...

Picard: I know I'm asking for it...but...What was it for?


Riker: If I may approach the bench.

Picard: I suppose.

Riker walks up to the judge's bench and pulls his shirt down as usual.

Riker: Captain, as I see it..if we put Kirk away, I'll get the record for sure.

Picard: And what record is that, Will?

Riker: Most women bedded in one series.

Picard slaps his hands to his forehead and leans back in his chair as we go to
the opening credits.

Fade back from commercial as McCoy is sweating profusely as Riker is
questioning him.

Riker: Tell me, Dr. McCoy, if a vessel leaves Starbase Ten at precisely
       0800 hours and hits warp five, then a vessel leave Starbase Nine ten
       minutes later at half impulse, then reaches Warp Eight...which will
       reach Starbase Eighteen first?

Picard: Mr. Fielding!!!

Riker: Hold on, I have a bet with O'Brien about this.

Picard: FIELDING!!!

Riker:Oh alright!...(aside to McCoy) Maybe you can tell me after the trial..

McCoy loses his patience and explodes.

Picard(covered in McCoy remains): Ummmm...the court will take a ten minute
                                  recess.

Cut to Harry's chambers where the crew has assembled.

Picard: Any ideas?

Data: Actually, I was thinking of opening up a portable bar and grill stand.

Worf: I suggest we look for a bar in this place.

Riker: I'm with Worf.

Riker and Worf exit.

Picard: Well, Data, LaForge, Guinan...I suggest we try to talk to Kirk in
        private. Perhaps we could get some insight into this trial.

Data: Hey, ah, Cappy, that would not be such a bad idea.

Guinan: If it hadn't come from you...

Picard rubs his temples and turns to walk out the door.

Kirk: You were looking for me?

Picard: How did you get in here?

Kirk: The door was open, I walked in...it's a simple principle, actually.

Picard: Indeed. Um, Captain Kirk, I was wondering if you were telling us
        absolutely everything.

Kirk: What makes you say that?

Picard: My larynx, the trachea, the usual stuff.

Kirk: I mean....why do you ask?

Picard: I am the judge here. It would be...logical to find out all relevant
        information regarding YOUR trial, Kirk.

Kirk: Yes, I see your.....point.

Picard puts a wig on.

Kirk: Now I don't.

Picard: Captain Kirk, we all know well that you and the Klingons are a match
        definitely not made in heaven.

Kirk yawns.

Picard: But why do they want to kill you so badly...truthfully now...

Kirk shrugs, then says: It might be because back in Starfleet Academy, I was
                        assigned to do extra credit on the Klingon ritual where
                        boys become men.

Picard: What does that have to do with anything.

Kirk: Well, you see, it came to the point when I'd do anything to get an A...
      and I was...having trouble with how exactly the male ...

Picard: Please skip the trivial details and tell me what you did...

Kirk: I met a Klingon named K'boom and also his girlfriend, K'flink. We were
      all supposed to meet at my place but K'boom forgot to show up. Suffice to
      say K'flink didn't. Well, one thing led to another....

Picard: That IS disgraceful, but not to the point of the entire race turning
        against you.

Kirk: And then there was Whiff, the Klingon High Commander's daughter...

Picard stares unbelievingly at Kirk as we fade out.

COMMERCIAL

Nothing pops into mind...lets get back to the story.

Kirk: Oh, and also, there was Shlong, the Klingon palace guard...his wife was
      in the vacintity and I had already become friends with him, so...

Picard: Enough!!! I see now why they hate you so bad.

Kirk: So what do you think? Do I have a chance to win this trial?

Picard: I think you should contract every known disease in the universe.

Kirk: All I know is...I have to beat these Klingon devils for once and for all.

Picard: Not a very good premise for the future, considering my chief of
        security is Klinonaase.

Kirk: What did you say??? Chief of Security..I thought he was a balif..

Picard turns to Data.

Picard: Kirk doesn't realize who we are. He thinks we ARE the cast of Night
        Court.

Data: Hey, ah, Johhny...that is a good observation.

LaForge: But aren't we the cast of Night Court now?

Picard: Not for long..I just realized how we can get out of this mess, save the
        universe, and keep Kirk alive.

Data: How is that, sir?

Picard: Never mind right now. Come with me...we have to get to a subspace
        receiver.

Picard,Data, and LaForge leave Kirk and Guinan in the room.

Guinan: So, you're the legendary captain Kirk, eh?

Guinan moves a little closer and Kirk straightens his shirt.

Cut to Picard near a subspace transmitter.

Data: Sir, what is the big idea which will astound us, what is it that you will
      do to end this char-odd???

Picard: Data, you silly android, is all too obvious. I'm very surprised you
        haven't thought of it yourself.

Data starts to sweat.

Data: Hey, ah, Cappy, I do not think it is fair to, ah...

Picard: Never mind...you'll see in just a few seconds.

Picard presses some buttons.

LaForge: Sir, may I ask a strange question?

Picard: Could you ask any other kind?

LaForge: Umm...what's a subspace transmitter doing in a courtroom?

Q appears in a bright flash of light.

Q: Probably the same thing as the reindeer was doing in here.

The crew looks at each other in wonder, then back to Q.

Q: What is it you think you are doing with this transmitter, WHICH, by the way
   I was going to give the redoubtable Commander Riker as a birthday present.

Picard: We are going to attempt to solve this dilemma you have placed us in...

Q: Oh, and how do you plan to do that???

Picard: Just watch! Relay 421...this is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the
        Federation Starship Enterprise.

Voice: EW!!!

Picard: I need you to help me reach someone.

Voice: Where would you like to send your call?

Picard turns to look right in the camera.

Picard: I wish to reach Starfleet Academy!!!!

Music builds to a climax as we fade to a commerical.

COMMERCIAL

Hello again, its Crazy Hi...in case you haven't noticed, and judging from
the number of customers I've gotten in the past two weeks, you haven't...
My specials are still going on. You can get anything your little heart desires
at Crazy Hi's. I mean, if its something that we don't even sell...I can get it
for you. I'll do anything to get a customer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE COME AND
BUY SOMETHING FROM ME!!!! OH GOD!!!! I'M DYING TO GET SOMEONE IN MY STORE...HEY
...I'LL TELL YA WHAT!!! IF NOBODY COMES TO MY STORE IN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES..
I'M GONNA DETONATE THIS BOMB AND WIPE OUT EVERYTHING WITHIN A TWENTY BLOCK
RADIUS!!!! WHY???? CUZ I'M CRAZY!!!!!!

Fade back in to the courtroom.

Worf: Ladies and Gentlemen, we now resume our trial.

The fans do the wave.

Picard: Lets have no more of that.

Crowd shifts in their seats.

Picard: Who is our next witness?

Riker: The plaintiff now calls on Khan Noonian Singh.

Khan stands and the theme from Jesus Christ Superstar plays over the intercomm.

Worf: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the
      truth.

Khan: I promise nothing.

Worf: Fine.

Riker: Khan, or should I call you Mr. Singh?

Khan: Khan is fine.

Riker: Alright, Khan...what is your beef with Kirk?

Khan: Beef?

Riker: Your quarrel with him...

Khan: He tried to kill me. He purposedly activated the Genesis device inside
      the ship that I borrowed.

Kirk: THAT'S A LIE!

Khan: SILENCE!!!

Picard: Both of you SIT DOWN!!!

Kirk and Khan continue to quarrel.

Worf: SHHHHUUUUUUTTTTT UUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

The room goes silent and suddenly a shuttlecraft falls through the ceiling.

Picard: What the hell!!!

The door opens and out steps.....you guessed it...WESLEY!!!!

Riker: Oh, God...not you??!!

Wesley: Sir, I think I can help you out with this problem.

Riker: Of course he can, he always saved the day, the little nuisance.

By the way, Wesley will be played by Carla's son that Frazier and Lillith tried
to "culture"

Picard: Just in time...Mr. Khan was just telling us...umm...Mr. Khan...where is
        Khan?

Everyone looks at the shuttlecraft. Khan's arms and legs are sticking out from
beneath it.

Kirk: One down...two to go.

Picard: Um...Welsey, you know the situation...what should we do?

Wesley: Well, sir...first of all...we must call Q in here.

Q: I'm already here you little sniveling brat!

Wesley: Good. Now, Q...make the Klingons disappear.

Q: Why should I help you out?

Wesley: Just do it...please...

Q: Oh, very well...(claps his hands and all three Klingons disappear)

Wesley: I didn't mean Worf, too...

Q clicks his fingers and Worf reappears.

Q: Now what?

Wesley: Captain...

Kirk and Picard: YES?

They look at each other evily.

Kirk: Why did you answer to Captain??? I thought you were a judge...!

Picard: Ummm....Q???

Q: It's very simple, Kirk. They are from a future Enterprise. I thought it
   would be fun to bring you together and watch the confusion...

Picard: But you were wrong, Q. You found out that any crew can successfully
        work with another.

Q: I realize that now. But how did Wesley realize this?

Wesley: Boy genius...you know.

Q: I am no longer having fun here...Case Dismissed. You can all go home.

The crew vanishes amidst bright light, then reappear on the bridge of the
NCC-1701-D.

Picard: All that just so he could get his kicks.

Riker: Seems like such a waste.

Data: I thought the, ah, scenario was a rather fascinating one, though.

Riker: Hmmmm....um, where is Troi?

Everyone looks around.

Picard: Computer, locate Deanna Troi.

Computer(Casey Casem): Deanna Troi is not on this vessel...at this time.

Riker: Then where is she?

Cut back to the courtroom.

Troi walks in with a pack of gum.

Troi: Judge Stone, I was just thinking....

Looks around at all the mess.

Troi: Captain???

Q appears.

Q: Sorry honey, Picard and his merry men have left you behind. And now...I also
   go....

Q disappears.

Troi: Great, now what am I supposed to do.

Kirk walks in the door, notices Troi, and sprays breath freshener in his mouth.

Kirk: So, what's a....lovely women like you doing in a galaxy like this?

Quick zoom up on Troi's horrified face and fade into the Enterpirse warping
away.

THE END
Newsgroups: alt.personals,alt.personals.ads