From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: BROKEN HEART
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 92 18:36:56 GMT

In article <1da2ueINN36m@agate.berkeley.edu> bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan) writes:
>In article <1992Nov4.221751.26780@jetsun.weitek.COM> weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver) writes:
....
>>Really, the only thing that will be ambiguous is
>>what you want to do (be friends, be lovers, or whatever). It will be
>>easiest for her to decide she wants to be more than friends if she is
>>sure that you like her, but unsure what you would like to do.  
>Hmmm, what if instead of deciding, since she might not have been totally
>clear on your _show_ing, she askes you how you feel and you _tell_ her.
>Does that still force her to decide as if you told her without her prompting?
>For instance, if I like a girl (hypothetically, unfortunately) and because
>I'm showing poorly, she asks me "Billy, do you like me as a friend or more?"
>Should I tell the truth and say "more" (would that make her decided/forc ce
>her to dec cide?)  
>
If she asks, she should be ready to hear the answer. I think it is almost
always better to tell the truth, I just think it can be a bad idea to 
elaborate on how you feel toward another person. In this situation,
she has put you on the spot, so I would say answer truthfully, but
don't give away more than you have to. By the way, the only time I was
asked that question, it was a rhetorical question, a lead in to being
told that we were going to be friends, or nothing. Whenever a woman
has wanted to be more than friends with me, they have just gone ahead
and started acting like more than friends. But that is just my experience.


>>Worrying about whether another guy is going to get to the girl first is
>>a good way to mess up your efforts to win her. You aren't fighting
>>the other guy, you are 'fighting' for her. It is more like a race than
>>a fight, and in a race, and a good racer watches the ground ahead of
>>him, not the other guys.  And this is a funny sort of race, because it
>>rarely goes to the swift, but instead it usually goes to the one that
>>hangs in there longest, without overdoing it or quitting.
>I'm sorry, but can you be a little more specific on this point?  I mean,
>if two guys happen to be after the same girl, isn't it hard not to try
>to notice what the other guy's doing and compensate?  I mean, shouldn't
>you make sure to look ahead and react if the other racer's ahead of you?
>For instance, the other guy gives her flowers, and she's stunned/flattered,
>shouldn't you pay attention and react in someway (like give her something
>(different kinds of flowers perhaps? or box of candy (sheesh, I sound old/
>old-fashion)) ?
>
I think my point is that you aren't going to win her over by outdoing
the other guy. If she falls for you, it will be for you, not for some
playacting.  If you are trying to keep up with this other guy, you are
not going to be yourself. Also, you can't give her your full attention
if you are watching out for him. I am not saying it is easy to ignore
the other guy, I am saying it is necessary if you want to be successful.
You have to have faith that if she decides in your favor it will be
because she wants you, and not just because you are a little better
than the next guy.

Peace,
Michael.