From: stevie@tmina.EBay.Sun.COM (Steve Taormina)
Newsgroups: soc.men
Subject: Torn between Mother and Wife.
Date: 23 Jul 1992 23:33:45 GMT
Organization: Sun Microsystems Inc., Mountain View, CA
Distribution: CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: tmina.ebay.sun.com



Maybe I can get some empathy and advice from some of you guys out 
there on the net that deal with the same crap that I do.

My mother doesn't like my wife and vice versa. My wife is a down-home
country girl from a loving paycheck to paycheck family.  My mother 
considers them fat, sloppy, hicks and feels that I could have done 
much better.  My Mother is wealthy, conceited, and judgemental.  Problem 
is, she's my mother and I still love her and want to associate with her.
I have often found myself caught in the middle.  My mother is sometimes
angry about something my wife did or didn't do and my wife is sometimes
angry aobut something my mother did or didn't do.  I have to hear it from 
both ends and I hate it.  The last episode in this saga takes the cake.

There's a big family overnight function at this Golf Club resort.  My
mother invites and flies my  brother in town without his wife so that
it would make more sense not to include my wife.  She's not too impressed
with his wife either, but that's another story.  She then invites me and
insists that it's an event "just for the men in the family".  Well this
event was set for the 4th of July and I declined because I didn't want to
spend a holiday without my family. (wife and 2 kids)  Later I find out that
EVERYBODY (Aunts, uncles, cousins, spouses, etc) was there except my wife 
and I and, of course, my brothers wife.
My mother specifically and deliberately excluded my wife from the function
even at the expense of my absence because she feels that my wife is an
embarassment to the family being that she is overweight and doesn't wear
expensive clothes.  Of course I was LIVID to say the least and had a
lenghthy conversation about it.  The rest of the family apparently gave
her hell besides so I tried to take it a little easy on her.  She admitted
that it was a rotten, selfish thing to do and promised that it would never
happen again.  This kind of thing has happened before and I really don't 
know how solid this promise is.

You may be wondering if I told my wife about all this.  Are you kidding?
I think she would be too hurt and very angry.  Anybody out there feel that
I should tell my wife?

Anyway, my mom and I are still talking and recently she bought several
things for my new house as sort of a housewarming gift.  Lights, a carpet,
etc.  My mom and I got in late and my wife was in bed and didn't get a
chance to see and thank my mom for all the nice things she bought.
The very next day, I'm talking to my mother on the phone and she said that
she would appreciate it if my wife was more emotional and appreciative 
about all the things she just bought.  I thought "what the hell was my wife
suppose to do, call my mother first thing in the morning?"  I didn't want
to start trouble so I told my mom that I would have my wife call her.

Soooooo, I called my wife to ask her to call my mother and thank her for all
the gifts.  Her response was that she really didn't appreciate being told 
when to thank somebody and that she of course intended to do so in person
the next time she saw her.  Which won't be for another week and a half.
My wife's feeling was that thanking my mother in person in front other 
people (we're have a party in a week and a half), after all the lights are
installed would be a better, more appropriate way and time to thank her. 
I tried to argue the point for a little while since I felt I may have left 
mom expecting a phone call, but just told my wife to thank her when she 
felt like it.

So here I sit feeling again torn between Mother and wife.

For those of you who had the time and patience to read through all this,
thanks for listening.

Advice?  Comments?


Steve
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