From: scolucci@vax1.tcd.ie
Newsgroups: rec.autos.sport
Subject: A Funny Ole F1 World III - The Mansell Story
Date: 6 Sep 92 15:27:18 GMT
Organization: Trinity College Dublin

Taken from the same Punch article:.....................

As often as not, Nige is frustrated by mechanical gremlins. But then again,
he's also been known to total, shunt, or just plain crash his car as well. 
Here are all those Grand Prix prang in full...

1980: AUSTRIAN GRAND PRIX
Mansell's F1 debut for Lotus. A fuel leak in the cockpit causes first degree
burns to his back and, er, testicles. He plugs on regardless until the engine
blows up but no one really notices. No "British Bulldog" headlines spotted 
in the popular press.

1980: DUTCH GRAND PRIX
Second GP. Brakes fail. Nigel spins to a halt. Nigel does not look like a man
who will be earning st93,000 a week, in ten years time. Testes escape 
unscathed, which is doubtless an improvement.

1981: LONG BEACH GP
Prerace warmup: Mansell nudged the inside wall at Queen's hairpin" said 
Autocourse. Race: "Mansell's Lotus 81 inexplicably slid into a wall on Pine
Avenue - possibly a legacy of his shunt earlier in the day." Indeed. No 
testicular discomfort reported.

1981: MONACO GP
Qualifies third, Murray gushes, hacks take note, suspension fails early in 
race, early bath.

1981: CANADIAN GP
Wet track. Nige stops to change to dry tyres, spins off, rejoins slowly, 
brakes early, Prost spins into back of him, Prost miffed, Mansell out.

1982: LAS VEGAS GP
Hit from rear after eight laps. Suspension cries enough. Walks back to pits.

1983: SAN MARINO GP
Rear wing falls off at 170mph. Race ends there and then.

1983: DUTCH GP
One lap before he is due to pit for new tyres, Nige decides to pass Derek 
Warwick. Runs wide, spins, stalls. Warwick finishes fourth.

1984: BRAZILIAN GP
Gets off line holding off Patrick Tambay. Fence beckons, invitation accepted.

1984: SAN MARINO GP
Experimental brake component fails after two laps. Exit Nige into barrier.

1984: MONACO GP
Leads GP for first time. A nation holds its breath. Not for long, though. 
After six laps of splashing around Monaco in the rain, Nige puts a wheel 
onto a wet white line and skates off. Honest.

1984: DALLAS GP
First pole position. Leads race. Tyres go off. Drops back. New tyres. Touches 
wall. Breaks gearbox. Attempts to push car over line. Collapses in 100 
degree F heat. Fleet Street adjectives: gritty, tough, and of course, bulldog.

1984: ITALIAN GP
De Cesaris blows up, dumps oil on track. Car following falls off on slick. 
Name driver who skated across track. Correct.

1985: DETROIT GP
Now driving for Williams, Mansell runs out of brakes. Momentarily concussed, 
right thumb jarred.

1985:
Wins the European GP and the South African GP from pole position. An 
overnight success after 71 races.

1986: BRAZILIAN GP
Tries to pass Senna for lead on first lap. Doesn't make it. Services of 
panel-beater required.

1986: Australian GP
Nineteen laps from securing the World Championship, a tyre blowout sees Nige 
three-wheel into retirement. Alain Prost is World Champion with four 
victories. Nige isn't with five. Nige puzzled.

1987:
Six wins and eight pole positions for Nige. Three wins and four poles for 
Piquet. And who was crowned Champion? Not the man from Upton-on-Severn.

1987: BELGIAN GP
Collides with Senna on first lap. Visits Senna's pit after the incident. "I 
knew he hadn't come to apologise because his face wasn't right for that and 
you are not apologising when you are holding someone by the throat" 
explained the Brazilian.

1987: JAPANESE GHP
Crashes in practise. Severe bruising, muscular strain, and shock see him 
declared unfit for the race. Carried on board JAL Boeing 747 to fly home 
to the Isle of Man.

1987: AUSTRALIAN GP
Mansell sits this one out after the Japanese accident. Replaced by Riccardo 
Patrese.

1988:
Moustache disappears.

1988: GERMAN GP
Gearbox jams in fifth then Nige spins off in wet after pitstop.

1988: HUNGARIAN GP
Nige appears to have replaced 'tache with George Micheal-style designer 
stubble. Wrong. A two-week battle with chickenpox doesn't slow Nige on his 
way to second fastest in practice but he quits after 60 laps due to 
exhaustion. Misses next two GPs

1988: PORTUGUESE GP
Nigel returns. So does the moustache. Dicing with Senna, a slower car ahead
sprays gravel on track. Who spins off? Senna or Mansell?

1988: JAPANESE GP
Runs into Derek Warwick. Pits for new bodywork. Rejoins race. Collides
with Nelson Piquet.

1988: AUSTRALIAN GP
No brakes. Quick spin. No finish.

1989: FRENCH GP
Hit at start. Uses spare Ferrari for restart but has to begin race from 
pitlane. Finishes second.

1989: PORTUGUESE GP
Overshot pit at tyrestop. Reversed down pitlane. Rejoins race but is
blackflagged - for moving backwards under own steam - and is effectively
disqualified. Black flag instructs a driver to stop in the pits 
immediately. Nige doesn't see black flag. Chases Senna for second. Tries
to pass him but two cars collide. Both cars eliminated. Senna left to 
ponder existential reality of being taken out by a car which wasn't 
actually competing at the time.

1990: HUNGARIAN GP
Taken out by Gerhard Berger's McLaren. Middle finger of right hand initially
feared broken, but digit proved undamaged.


phew,
Serge.
Newsgroups: rec.autos.sport