From: gryphon@wpi.WPI.EDU (M-5)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: A Desperate Attempt [SC]
Date: 10 Sep 1992 05:47:41 GMT
Organization: RecursionCo.: We'll do it again and again and again and again a
NNTP-Posting-Host: wpi.wpi.edu

In article <18mh0iINNmaa@bigboote.WPI.EDU> megazone@wpi.WPI.EDU (MegaZone23) writes:
>In article <18m1i2INNdgf@bigboote.WPI.EDU> gryphon@planet10.WPI.EDU (M-5) writes:
>>In article <18ltmgINNato@bigboote.WPI.EDU> megazone@obsidian.WPI.EDU (MegaZone23) writes:
>>I'd post _my_ poem, too, but the subject matter just doesn't match...
>
>If you want to post it go ahead... It doesn't have to be all doom and gloom you
>know...

But it helps...

>
>Note: For those who don't know, Gryph is one of my coauthors on the 
>Undocumented Features saga. And he is currently being pissy and I'm a good
>target.
>

Note: MegaZone missed the smiley captioning.  Since he's decided to take this
all seriously, I will too.  What you are about to see may, you will think,
be best confined to email.  This is not so.  The following dialogue will
paint you a beautiful picture of tormented souls locked in conflict yet 
bound by circumstance and friendship.  You'll like it.  Pretend it's fiction
or poetry.  Look at it like performance art.  It'll be cool.  Trust me.

>
>You like saying that don't you Ben? You have never really seen me at my worst,
>I've stepped over the edge before. 
>

Yes, I do, and no, I haven't, and no, I still don't care if you have.

Actually, you obviously _haven't_ stepped over the Edge.  You're still here,
right?

>I was talking to him about my poetry and I mentioned that it had started a
>number of email conversations, some of which are still evolving. I also noted
>off hand that the majority of people emailing me were women. So Ben took that
>and ran with it.
>

Well, it's true...being dark and mysterious and borderline suicidal draws 
women.  They think maybe they can brighten your life.  Draw you back from
the Edge.  All that other noble-ass shit.

('Scuse me, everyone...I just kinda hate the whole concept of men/women right
about now.  Nothing personal...)

>Ben: Please don't refer to them as 'chicks'. They are very intelligent women
>and exchanging mail with them is one of the few things I actually find 
>enjoyable. It's not like I ignore mail from men and just reply to women, I 
>talk with anyone who wants to.

Except me.  I've tried to talk to you more times than I can count.  You've
without exception blown me off, or agreed to talk, then said nothing.  You'd
make a hell of a senator.  The only thing I can figure is, I'm not a 
concerned _female_, so you see no reason to discuss with me...if there's 
another reason, it'd be really neat if you shared it with me.  Oh, wait,
that's right...you don't share anything with me, do you?  Pardon, I forgot
my place for a moment.  My place is to watch you walk the Edge and worry,
never help.  I can't get close enough to help.

>
>
>I want to be a non-conformist just like everyone else.
>

I'm not gonna be a non-conformist anymore...it's too popular...

(Who does _that_ sound like...?  :-)

>
>Ben, you need to chill a bit. Your life isn't over, and I think that 'When
>Magic Dies' would fit just fine here. Especially since I know how/when it was
>written....

Brian D. Bikowicz just told me to chill, my life isn't over.  HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!

BITE ME.

YOUR life isn't fucking over either.  I'll stop pining and moping and 
randomly hitting things and being angry at the world and wondering why why
why why why fucking why THE SAME DAY YOU DO.

Do we have a deal?

>
>So go for it, worst that can happen is someone complains, and I'm glad that
>a.s.h has been relatively free of flame-wars. (There have been a few, but
>far-far below par.)
>

Well...this isn't one either.  As I noted above.  All of you on a.s.h.,
pay careful attention.  This is how _not_ to run a friendship.  It works
for us because we're professionals.  Don't try this at home.

And now, since Zoner requested it:

(distribute if you like, but leave my name on it, and don't change it, please)

---cut here---

The novice wizard casting his first spell
Feeling the Power at his fingertips
The first faint hintings of the Power in his mind
For the very first time
Must have felt as I did then;
Exhilarated
Terrified
Joyous
Confident
Powerful
Small
Huge
All at once
Because it's such a powerful thing
When magic lives.

The novice wizard, his concentration broken
Feeling the Power slip from his fingers
The feeling in his mind whispering to nothingness
Until he is alone
Must have felt as I do now;
Empty
Bitter
Powerless
Useless
Tear-verging
Relieved
Disappointed
All at once
Because it's such a powerful thing
When magic dies.
	--"When Magic Dies", 27 August 1992
		(c) 1992 Benjamin D. Hutchins

Enjoy.

I know I won't, and someone has to.

--G.

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