HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: mkoby@hpindaq.cup.hp.com (Mark Kobayashi)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Halloween Presidential Poll
Keywords: smirk, topical, true
Date: 12 Nov 92 08:20:03 GMT


This happened while I was giving out treats on Halloween....
Bush has definitely lost in our neighborhood.....

Four kids showed up at the door, each wearing a face mask.

"Trick or Treat" they shout.  

I start handing out the candy to them.  One has a Bush face
mask.  After I've handed out the candy, the kid in the Bush
mask yells out "Don't forget to vote for Bush!".

Kinda caught me by surprise.   I snickered, and said "Yeah, sure".

As I was closing the door, I saw and heard one of the other kids
turn to the kid in the Bush mask and say...

"Have you noticed that everybody LAUGHS at you when you say that!".

Forget our neighborhood, George........
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Date: Fri, 13 Nov 92 4:30:04 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Organization: New Zealand Symphony Orchestra
From: dgold@basso.actrix.gen.nz (Dale Gold)
Subject: End of the month memo
Keywords: maybe

This appeared in our weekly schedule at work.  Original source unknown.

              Another Month Ends
                All Targets Met
              All Systems Working
            All Customers Satisfied
       All Staff Eager and Enthusiastic
         All Pigs Fed and Ready to fly


- dgold@basso.actrix.gen.nz
- Korokoro, New Zealand
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Date: Thu, 5 Nov 92 3:20:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Bill Clinton
From: awoods@mitre.org (Ann Woods)
Keywords: topical, smirk

A friend of mine sent this via e-mail:

Q.  What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he had?

A.  A dead girlfriend


**************
Ann Woods
The MITRE Corporation

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Date: Fri, 6 Nov 92 3:20:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: shekhar@hpisrhe.cup.hp.com (Shekhar Bhide)
Organization: Hewlett-Packard
Subject: Cautious president
Keywords: topical, smirk, original

Every C programmer knows that, if elected, the democrat will be a very
careful president. After all, the name is C-"lint"-ON.

--
Shekhar Bhide

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Date: Sun, 8 Nov 92 3:20:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Dan Quayle's "Supporters"
From: DAVE@gergo.tamu.edu (Dave Martin, Geochemical Research, Texas A&M)
Keywords: topical, smirk

Keywords: topical, original, offensive(Dan Quayle)

I was watching the election results last night, and was impressed with
the dignity of Dan Quayle's half of the Republican concession. What I
was most surprised at was when the crowd of Bush/Quayle supporters there
started to shout "Ninety-six" repetitively. I thought, "Gee, how rude."
I mean, ol' Dan was already down, admitting defeat, and his OWN people
were kicking him in the guts. I know I'd be rather depressed if those
who claimed to be supporting me started chanting *my* IQ...

Dave Martin
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From: pjs@euclid.jpl.nasa.gov (Peter J. Scott)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: The humor impaired
Keywords: chuckle
Date: 6 Nov 92 00:30:04 GMT

So many USENET postings contain the line ":-) for the humor-impaired".  Only
trouble is, it doesn't work against those people anyway, and generates some
kind of response like, "I find your posting offensive to all people who,
through no fault of their own, lack a sense of humor, and demand that you
retract it immediately."

Painstaking research has uncovered the e-mail sent by these people to
the authors of jokes posted over the years to rec.humor.funny.  Here are
a few extracts:

In response to a dead baby joke: "The incidence of SIDS (Sudden Infant
Death Syndrome to you, since you obviously wouldn't know anything about it)
in this country has reached epidemic proportions.  Your joke served only
to heighten the anguish of mothers everywhere and was in extremely poor 
taste, you insensitive jerk."

In response to a light-bulb joke: "You are clearly unaware of the monstrous
injusticies committed by the manufacturers of light bulbs who deliberately
build short life-times into their products in order to reap quick profits 
at the expense of non-renewable resources.  This sort of joke just serves 
to perpetuate the image of light bulbs as short-lived, thus playing right
into their hands.  I hope you're happy."

In response to a joke comparing lawyers to roadkills: "My Dad is a lawyer
and he is going to SUE you for defamation, how do you like that,
bwahahahahahahahahaha."

In response to a dumb blonde joke: "Oh, great.  Your joke just set back
women's rights in this country about ten years.  You are obviously a
sexually-frustrated nerd with no real concept of the true nature of
feminism.  The women's movement is going to roll right over you and your
kind."

In response to a joke about a dead guy meeting St. Peter: "You must not
know that there are many religious groups in the world who don't share
your notion of Heaven.  Your article automatically assumed the Christian
afterlife without giving any acknowledgement to equally valid beliefs
such as reincarnation, Nirvana, Valhalla, etc.  Please avoid causing 
similar offense in future postings."

In response to an April Fool's joke claiming that a UFO had landed on
the White House Lawn and delivered Elvis' dead body: "I turned on CNN
and watched for SIX HOURS without hearing anything about this.  Obviously
there has been a massive cover-up.  Please post more details."

In response to this joke: "You lampooned many worthwhile groups in your
joke without paying any attention to keeping a fair balance between them.
It is obvious that your only wish is to cause trouble.  I, for one, did
not find anything in it at all amusing."
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From: ss2q+@andrew.cmu.edu (Steve Slominski)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Government intelligence
Keywords: chuckle, true
Date: 5 Nov 92 09:30:03 GMT
Organization: Carnegie Mellon Univ, Career Center


This morning I had the following telephone conversation with a federal
employee who shall remain nameless:


He:  Okay, so I'll fax you fifteen to twenty copies of this flyer.

Me:  Umm... why don't you just send us one and I'll make the copies?

He:  Well, I was going to fax it to you on yellow paper...


Steve Slominski


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From: johnc@msc.edu (John D. Cavanaugh)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Lost Gas Cap
Keywords: smirk, true
Date: 9 Nov 92 09:30:03 GMT
Organization: Minnesota Supercomputer Center, Inc.

This is a true story ...

I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas
station.  After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had
left the gas cap on top of his car.  He stopped and looked and, sure
enough, it was lost.  Well, he thought for a second and realized that
other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth
going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't
find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.  Sure
enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap.  He
tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.

"Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that
fits.  And this one's even better because it locks ..."
-- 
John Cavanaugh                              EMail: johnc@msc.edu
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From: carlo@nu.uchicago.edu (Carlo Graziani)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Cross-disciplinary data analysis
Keywords: smirk, academic
Date: 14 Nov 92 00:30:18 GMT
Organization: Univ of Chicago, Dept of Physics

I got to thinking about how one might characterize the differences
between various academic disciplines, and it occurred to me that
the style of data analysis that prevails in the field would be a good
measure.  For example:

Economists draw straight lines through two points.

Psychologists draw straight lines through one point.

Sociologists do not require any points to draw straight lines.

Botanists can accumulate as many as 1.0E+09 points without drawing
any lines.

Theoretical physicists use as many line segments as necessary to
connect the points that they have.



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Date: Sun, 8 Nov 92 19:30:02 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: kprashan@sdcc3.ucsd.edu (hyderabadi)
Subject: New Monroe Doctrine
Keywords: smirk, sexual


I don't know if this is a new one or not..

[Heard on KFI Radio Station in Los Angeles, on their show 
 'Comic Strip Live']

Marylin Monroe Doctrine: Don't screw with a President, otherwise
                         you will die.


| Prashanth                    |                         |
| U. of California @ San Diego | prash@bhaskara.ucsd.edu |
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Date: Mon, 9 Nov 92 12:20:07 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Party colors
Organization: The Dark Side of the Moon +1 408 245 SPAM
From: max@west.darkside.com (Erik Max Francis)
Keywords: topical, smirk

As I was watching the returns on CNN, they had a map of the United States 
and were coloring in each state as either Bush or Clinton won it, blue or 
red.  Although Perot didn't win any states, I was wondering what color 
they would use for him.

And then, of course, it hit me:  Why, green, of course.

----------
Erik Max Francis   Omnia quia sunt, lumina sunt.  Coming soon:  UNIVERSE _ | _
USmail:  1070 Oakmont Dr. #1 San Jose CA 95117  ICBM:  37 20 N  121 53 W _>|<_
UUCP:  ..!apple!uuwest!max   Usenet:  max@west.darkside.com   464E4F5244   |
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me if this is necessary.
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 92 3:20:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Advice to the Clinton Administration
From: IRVINMJ@wsuvm1.csc.wsu.edu (Michael J. Irvin, WSU, 509/335-0437)
Keywords: topical, smirk

Here is a list of phrases that it would be useful for future members
of the administration to start to learn.  

 1.  I can't comment on that 'til I've read the indictment.
 2.  I wasn't in the loop.  (Sounds better than "I was in the bathroom")
 3.  We can get the money, but it would be wrong.
 4.  Those criticisms of my department are politically motivated.
 5.  She looked over eighteen to me.
 6.  Billy Joe Hobert is President Clinton's new fitness advisor, replacing
     Arnold Schwartzenegger.
 7.  That is no longer an operative statement.
 8.  We wanted to bring him into the family of nations.

(Courtesy of Denney Rutherford, RUTHER@WSUVM1)
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Date: Sun, 8 Nov 92 4:30:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: warwick@cs.uq.oz.au (Warwick Allison)
Subject: Smut from the Unix manual
Keywords: smirk, sexual

Found in the manual for sleep(3V), Sys5 description:

                                            ... to go off earlier
     than  the  end  of  the requested sleep() time, or premature
     arousal due to another ...

--
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From: spectre@uiuc.edu (Ian Chai)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: from the Daily Illini newspaper
Keywords: topical, smirk
Date: 9 Nov 92 08:20:04 GMT

In light of President Milan Panic of Yugoslavia surviving an attempt by
hardliners led by Serbian President Slobodan Milosevic to remove him by
a no-confidence vote, in the "world briefs" section of today's Daily
Illini newspaper is the headline:

	PANIC STILL REIGNS IN YUGOSLAVIA
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Date: Wed, 11 Nov 92 12:20:05 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Post-election Haiku
From: joslin@pogo.isp.pitt.edu (David Joslin)
Keywords: topical, chuckle, original


	What sound do I hear,
	From the nation's capitol?
	Oh! Paper shredders!

		Deer in the headlights
		With a grin from ear to ear --
		Have they told him yet?

	Draft dodger, pot head,
	Womanizer and waffler.
	Still better than Bush.

(I wrote these the day after the election.)
David
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Date: Tue, 10 Nov 92 3:20:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Kid's insight into campaign
From: jona@ils.nwu.edu (Kemi Jona)
Keywords: topical, smirk

From a collection of kids' opinions on the campaign, as quoted in the
Chicago Tribune, 11/3/92.

"I feel Clinton's opposing the Vietnam War isn't an issue, and I probably
would have done the same.  As far as Clinton supposedly cheating on his
wife, what do people think he's going to do?  Be president of another
country while he's president of ours?"

  Tom R., age 12, Woodstock, IL

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Date: Thu, 12 Nov 92 12:20:06 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: ndd@sunbar.mc.duke.edu (Ned Danieley)
Subject: ancient Miller Time
Keywords: smirk, topical


On Thursday, Nov 5, the New York Times News Service reported 
that archaeologists have found the earliest chemical evidence
for beer. "It's chemical substantiation of what were archaeological
arguments before," Dr. Patrick E. McGovern, an archaeological
chemist at the University Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology
at the University of Pennsylvania, said in an interview Wednesday.

Asked the meaning of finding both the earliest known wine and beer
in the same room, McGovern replied, "I think a lot of serious
drinking was going on there."

Ned Danieley (ndd@sunbar.mc.duke.edu)

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Date: Sun, 8 Nov 92 12:20:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: France's new motto
From: Ian.Collier@prg.ox.ac.uk
Keywords: topical, smirk


Heard on BBC Radio 4 this morning - France's new motto is:

     Liberte, Egalite, Defense de fumer!

Ian.Collier@prg.ox.ac.uk
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Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bcash@crchh410.BNR.CA (Brian Cash)
Subject: Re: request unix pranks
Keywords: request unix pranks
Reply-To: bcash@crchh410.BNR.CA (Brian Cash)
Organization: Bell-Northern Research Ltd.
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 06:50:57 GMT

In article <BxHG77.7r@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu>, jshg1134@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
(Jeffrey S. Hoeft) writes:
|>
|>
|>Is there an FTP site where I can get some Unix pranks? ie a program which
|>will cause windows to go haywire, the screen to melt unexpectedly, etc.
|>
|>Thanks in advance,
|>
|>Jeff
|>j-hoeft@uiuc.edu
|>	  
|>
|>Subject: Hard Drive Wanted
            
How about a program that sends out multiple posts with
the same text, and subject lines with different
caps?

Brian /-|-\
From: mtheil@quink.in-berlin.de (Matthias Theil)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: You know you are a hacker when...
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 92 09:21:54 MET
Distribution: world
Organization: Matthias Theil - private Site, Berlin(W), Germany (FRG), Europe

fitzgb@mml0.meche.rpi.edu (Brian Fitzgerald) writes:

> >  I must not be a hacker... I don't even understand the joke!
> 
> Ok, how about this?
> 
> 3735928559
> 
> HaHaHa
> 
> Brian

Umm ... you told it very, very badly. :-)

Matthias.



test !
Signature?
From: Mark.Olsen@f550.n635.z3.fidonet.org (Mark Olsen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Why Did It Cross The Road
Date: Sat, 07 Nov 1992 18:10:04 +1100

M> > Q: Why did the woman cross the road? 
M> > 
M> > A: That's besides the point, what was she doing out of the kitchen?
M>  
M> And where did she get those shoes?

I thought the answer to that went something like:

A:	That's beside the point, why wasn't she chained to the sink?

(No I'm not sexist, I just thought it was funny.. carn girls wheres the guy
ones?)

Anyway.. along the same line

Q:	Why did the baby cross the road?

A:	Because it was stapled to the chicken.


Q:	Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

A:	Because it was stuck to the chikens foot...

more later.. cheers!

	Mark Olsen.    (mark.olsen@f550.n635.z3.fidonet.org)
	``````````
~~~ TM-QWK GS 0.6 [NR]
 * Origin: Empire BBS +61(3)592-5662 (3 lines) (3:635/550)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Funny Names!!
From: jhsegal@wiscon.weizmann.ac.il (Livian)
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 08:12:55 GMT
Organization: Weizmann Institute of Science, Computation Center

In article <1992Nov5.003854.8927@pasteur.Berkeley.EDU> jcruz@etch-eshop.Berkeley.EDU (Joey Cruz) writes:
>George Bush
>Don Quale
>
>Jennifer Flowers


How about: George Clinton,Barbara Flowers,Jennifer Gore,Al Qauyle,Hillary Bush,
Dan Clinton,and Bill Gorbatchev (???????)
God,I'm such an idiot!
                                   ___
                                  (o o)
 ------------------------------ooO-(_)-Ooo------------------------------------
  __     __  __    ___ __     _     ___   __
    |      |   \     /   |     \       \    | VM/CMS:
    |      |    \   /    |    _ \       \   | JHSEGALL @ Weizmann.weizmann.ac.il
    |___   |       /     |    _  \    |  \  | UNIX:
        |  |      /      |   /    \   |     |  JHSEGAL  @ Wiscon.weizmann.ac.il
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.humor.d
From: jal41820@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Smiley)
Subject: Re: Sex
Followup-To: rec.humor.d
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 18:53:38 GMT

taz@momad.UUCP (Sysop) writes:
:)WITH SEX ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE

(Rest of potential chain letter deleted)

In case people are not aware, chain letters are illegal on Internet. If
your sysadmin learns you're sending them, you will most likely have your
account wiped out. Do NOT send this out as a chain letter via e-mail to
your friends. From our system's MOTD:

29 Oct	There is a email chain-letter going around again.  Chain-letters are
	a violation of both UIUCnet and NSFnet policies.  If you receive one,
	DO NOT forward it.  Warn the sender and other recipients instead.

(Followups to rec.humor.d, assuming I set it up right.)

-- 
        Josh Laff              #     #      
email to: smiley@uiuc.edu     _       _     Hello! I am a signature virus!  
      (217) 384-6249         |#\_____/#|    Join the fun and copy mo*#(*&^!>.
                              \#######/     
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rm009b@uhura.cc.rochester.edu (LOBO)
Subject: Wanted: Green Golf Ball Joke
Organization: University of Rochester - Rochester, New York
Date: Sat, 14 Nov 92 04:46:35 GMT

  Would somebody email me the Green Golf Ball Joke, I've necer seen it and
would like to find out what it is about.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
rm009b@uhura.cc.rochester.edu        "You step into the Road, and if you
                                      don't keep your feet, there is no
                                      knowing where you might be swept
                                      off to." Bilbo Baggins




Xref: sparky rec.humor:33190 rec.humor.d:2590 alt.folklore.computers:15917
From: aeschwar@ncsu.edu (Adam E. Schwartz)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.humor.d,alt.folklore.computers
Subject: Re: Trinary
Keywords: snipe hunt
Date: 7 Nov 92 03:21:23 GMT
Organization: North Carolina State University

hwt@bcarh11a.BNR.CA (Henry Troup) writes:

>In article <1cqvjqINNe3b@uniwa.uwa.edu.au>, john@gu.uwa.edu.au (John
>West) writes:
>|>0 and 1 cancel out fine, but there's all these 2s left floating around. 

>I thought trinary machines used (-1,0,1) as states.  Wasn't there a
>Russian base -1 machine ?  Have I confused the two?
                                   ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I picked up late on this thread... don't you mean confused the three?

Really, I'd be interested in hearing about differently-based machines.

I minored--not majored--in comp.sci, but my instinctive reaction is that
introducing another possible state could greatly increase inaccuracies.

Discerning between a 1 and 0 could be done by judging a
signal to be either a high or low. No need to measure the signal
exactly. Introducing a middle ground (to represent a third state)
would require more accurate measurements and would permit less
room for fluctuation in the strength of the signal.

As I said, I caught this thread late. Am I off base (ha ha)? Please
correct me...
--
+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+
| Adam Schwartz  | W: 919-515-5424  | ASCII mail only, please. 
| adam@ncsu.edu  |    (Raleigh, NC) | 
+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+
From: arr9734@cuphub.cup.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Shock treatment - RHPS sequel
Date: 9 Nov 92 14:38:06 GMT
Article-I.D.: cuphub.1992Nov9.093806.98
Organization: California University of Pennsylvania, California, PA

If anybody has the script for Shock Treatment, The sequel to Thr Rocky 
Horror Picture show, would they please post it or email it to mee

Thanx in advance

The Grey Wizard - Lord of ChaoS ------????

E-Mail to  UUCP%"arr9734@cuphub.cup.edu"