From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom
Subject: Re: Police And Conventions
Date: 22 Aug 92 07:22:00 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

In article <1992Aug19.081230.111730@zeus.calpoly.edu>, kwang@zeus.calpoly.edu
(Kevin Wang aka The Scarecrow) writes:
>The following post was posted quite awhile back. 
>I don't remember who (was it you, eoin?) originally posted it,
>but here it is...

This letter was also sent to me via Email. (WITH the header)...  So I can say
that it was "aahz@netcom.COM (Mean Green Washing Machine)"  (Besides the user
also signed the message with his Net Address!!!)

>----------8<-----cut here-----8<----------

<Massive amounts of the letter deleted>

>(Additional rules)
> 
>17.  All pool animals must be leashed/muzzled or in carriers.
> 
>18.  No throwing sex objects off balcony.
> 
>19.  No obscene behavior with inflatable animals.
> 
>20.  No levitation.
> 
>21.  No more than 6 astral bodies in any room (except main lobby).
> 
>22.  No new clothes allowed.  All clothes must be _worn._  If shirt & shoes
>     are thoroughly worn, pants are optional.
> 
>23.  Any clothing (excluding optional pants) caught making pranfane gestures
>     will be removed from its wearer and evicted.  (Anyone able to define 
>     "pranfane" gets a cigar.)
> 
>24.  Physical contact of any duration between humans and extraterrestrials
>     is (of course) permitted, providing all parties are above the age of
>     consent and are not in direct violation of the Prime Directive.
> 
>25.  On second complaint regarding parties, perpetrators will be thrown to
>     the Red Lions.  (Assuming parties were able to continue party elsewhere
>     after their room was evicted.)
> 
>26.  Anyone attempting to sell the beds, television, or other furnishings
>     from the guest rooms will be keelhauled.  (Unless a suitable profit
>     was made and funds shared with appropriate authorities!)

This actually happened at a Chicagoland area Con, if my understanding is
correct...  The art-to-be-auctioned was kept in a motel room, and somone on the
ConCom made the STUPID mistake of thinking that the art hanging on the wall was
also to be auctioned, not part of the rooms furnishings...  I'm told that the
hotel print made a nice profit on the auction-floor as well...
 
>27.  Jumping or hopping _onto_ balconies from lower levels is strictly
>     prohibited without jumping or hopping license.  (Jumping or hopping
>     to conclusions is, of course, permitted.)
> 
>28.  If outside police are needed to assist with (indoor) vandalism, our
>     resident vandals will be sent to remedial vandalism classes at Hun &
>     Visigoth Voc Ed Center.
> 
>29.  Any persons whose minds are wandering in galaxies far, far away
>     (except while sleeping in guest rooms) will have their fantasies
>     rudely shattered by the Fannish Inquisition.
> 
>30.  Didn't expect the Fannish Inquisition, did you??
>
>
>                              #######
>
>And this is another sheet (handwritten):
>
>                              #######
>
>             Time Con '91'
>
>We interrupt this convention with a special bulletin.  Timecon is now
>under marshall law.  All constitutional rights have been suspended.
>_Stay_in_your_room_.  Do not attempt to contact loved ones, insurance
>agents or attournies.  _SHUT_UP_!!  Do not attempt to think or depression
>may occur _STAY_IN_YOUR_ROOMS_!  Curfew is in effect at 2:00 AM sharp!
>Anyone caught outside of their subdivision sector after curfew _WILL_
>_BE_SHOT_!  _DO_NOT_PANIC_!  _REMAIN_CALM_!  Your security guard will be
>by to collect urine samples in the morning.  Anyone caught interfering
>with the collection of urine samples _WILL_BE_SHOT_!  _STAY_IN_YOUR_
>_ROOMS_!  _REMAIN_CALM_!  The number one enemies of puritanism are
>questions.  Red Lion Inn security is more important than individual will.
>All video broadcasts will proceed as planned.  No more than four people
>may gather together for conversation or otherwise without special 
>permission from Red Lion Inn security.  Follow only the rules prescribed
>by security personnel or Flare.
>
>                             _SHUT_UP_!
>
>_BE_HAPPY_!  Obey all orders without question.  The comfort you've
>demanded is now mandatory.  Be happy, at last everything is done for you.
>
>                              #######

Has anyone else noticed that this is an almost-direct ripoff of a bit that
Jello Biafra does on one of his spoken albums?

Krikket               ! krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us ! USnail:3 Danada Square E.
a.k.a Doug Krick      ! Team Star Charter Member   !        Suite 246
Data ph# 708/665-9732 ! #include<std.disclaimers>  !        Wheaton, Il 60187
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  Just another commentary on the sad state of affairs on our nation today.
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.fandom