Newsgroups: misc.kids
Date: Fri,  8 Jan 1993 10:20:43 -0500 
From: Laura McGinnis <lm3a+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: Readjusting to Daycare
	<19930107175728SASTLS@mvs.sas.com>

On 07-Jan-93 in Re: Readjusting to Daycare   
user Tamara Shaffer@mvs.sas.c writes:
>>in article: <1993Jan7.201910.6858@kodak.kodak.com> Nanette Salvaggio
>> writes:
>>
>>My son spent 11 days with me and my husband over the holidays.(ie. he
>>did not have to go to daycare).  He became very accustomed to us.  He
>>loves his daycare provider and her kids but he is not readjusting very
>>well.  ... Leaving
>>him in the morning has gotten harder. I now literaly have to peel him
>>off of me to leave.  I have tried staying for awhile to let him get
>>used to the place, but that does not seem to help ( it is not possible
>>for my husband to drop him off).  The provider tells me he stops
>>screaming within minutes of the time I leave, but he just is not his
>>normal happy go lucky don't tie me down little guy he normally is
>>there.  At home he is great with us.  I am at a loss of what to do.
>>
>...I would not linger at the
>caregiver's home though, if I were you.  We have noticed that the
>children where Melissa is, whose parents linger when the children fuss,
>seem to have the hardest time saying their morning goodbyes.  We put
>Melissa down, put her coat, whatever away, and ask for our kisses.
>(We use the afternoon pick up time to catch up with her teachers and
>find out what's happening in her days - usually while she's waving
>goodbye and saying "bye bye", getting louder and louder!!!)
>Sometimes (usually) we get them, and sometimes we don't, but either way
>we say our goodbyes and leave for work.  She stops crying almost as soon
>as we walk out (we've spied).  Short and sweet...

From our experience, Tamara seems to have the right idea here.  It's
much easier for us, as adults, to reestablish routines than for us to
let the kids adapt to the changes of being back at "school".  If we set
the routine, the kids will adapt.  Mickey is older (3 yrs), but we've
had a bit of this with him, too, since this was his first long
"vacation" (he just started "school" in September; was home with a nanny
before then).  He doesn't mind going to school, but he wants us to stay
& play (we could stay with him at home for 10 days & play, why can't we
stay now?).

What has really helped A LOT is the caregivers - when they see a child
has trouble letting his/her parents leave, they intervene almost
immediately to distract the child, going one-on-one until the child is
back into "being at school".  This usually takes only a few minutes.

I would strongly recommend you have a talk with your caregivers & ask
them to be more aggressive in attending to your children in the morning.
 The extra attention may be all the kids need to accept being where they
are again.  Friends of ours who use home-based childcare have noticed
with their caregivers a tendency to let the parent(s) help the child
adjust to the impending separation.  But the parent(s) aren't going to
be there all day; the child must adjust to being with the caregiver, not
to separating from the parent(s).  We (at Mickkey's school) look at the
separation as incidental to being at school, rather than looking at
school as being a substitute for the parent(s) being around.

I hope this makes sense.  It is really hard to leave your kids when they
really want your attention (especially as they get older & so often they
DON'T want you around).  Your mileage may vary, but these have been our
experiences.

Laura