HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: Psycho Kitten
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Killing...
Summary: odd notes...
Keywords: as if there is anything to unlock...
Date: 12 Oct 92 15:36:31 GMT
Organization: Eternal Order of Chaos
Originator: awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu


	...just killing time (for now)...

	I have things I should probably be doing other than tying up
one of the dumb terminals on campus (I prefer to write from home). I don't
feel like doing thme though...

	I have many things I'd like to say, but I don't know how I
want to say them (or if I want to say them)... Be prepared for rambling...

	First of all... I've already made it obvious that I don't care
for Tom's articles.  I don't mind people who's opinions/beliefs are
different from mine, but I don't like having someone else force their
views on me.  I can't speak for anyone else but I'm not miserable on
purpose.  I don't cling to misery as a friend... yes, it's become a 
familiar part of my life, but being happy and enjoying living is much
more preferable for me.  I do get reminders occasionally of how 
carefree and pleaasant I can be.  I do try to get myself cheered up and
try to stay that way, but the depression usually comes back.  I'm not
afraid of change... it just doesn't seem to be able to last long yet.

	Secondly... just fingering Conibear's account and seeing that
someone has logged in is not proof that he is alive.  It is unrealistic
to think that on one but Conibear is checking his account.  If he
was still alive and was pretending to be dead... he would be dead to
me.  The Conibear I knew wouldn't go through the trouble of posting
and then not responding to relevant email (and having people in his
area attest to his death).  The personality that I knew as Conibear
is dead, whether his body is or not.

	What next... Thanks for the reminder about loweered light 
levels.  If this is the beginning of a downturn, I'll hate to see what
the bottom is.  I might acutally get lights this year.  An additional
note -- some types of flouresent lights (like those used in public
schools) can rob the body of certain vitamins/minerals.  The humming
and flickering can cause migrane headaches.  It's a good idea to 
get faulty lights fixed quickly (to avoid the extra background        
annoyance).  I don't remember exactly which study I'm referring to...
I can try and find it if anyone _really_ wants to know.

	I don't know about dealing with anger (for others)... I deal
mainly with hatred and loathing instead of anger.  I can be 
incredibly annialistic (sp?) at times... so I can't really relate to
the way most people deal with anger.  (Stress reduction exercises just
annoy the hell out of me -- I'd much rather pound some soft large 
object 'til exaustion.)  

	BTW, REM's new album (Automatic For The People) is wonderful.
The song _Everybody Hurts_ kinda sums up my SO's attitude towards
my almost constant misery... 

	TBC...

	Psycho Kitten


-- 

Psycho Kitten   \ zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu    \ Check my .plan \ Just a Grim
Angela M. Watson \ awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu \ for more info  \ Reaper wannabe
Organization: University of Illinois at Chicago
Date: Sunday, 11 Oct 1992 16:44:37 CDT
From: <U56503@uicvm.uic.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Dark Side

In article <1b80jjINN1jb@bigboote.WPI.EDU>, megazone@obsidian.WPI.EDU
(MegaZone23) says:
>
>Why do you write suicide? - they ask... Well, becuase I don't like to hurt
>others so I turn it upon myself [personal references omitted.]

After reading all the current posts in a.s.h., (Summarized succinctly by
Megazone.  Hey, where and what is "wpi" anyway?), I have a few
questions for the group should they care to "thunk" on them:

What about anger?  What is the difference between feeling it and
acting it out?  What is the difference between turning it upon
yourself and not?  What is the difference between expressing it
inappropriately and appropriately?  What is the difference between
expressing it and acting on it?  Why is society so dysfunctional
about anger?  What can we do as individuals to manage our anger
to our own best interests despite society's dysfunction?  If depression
is anger turned inward against the self, what are functional
alternatives?

>megazone, Hey, at least it isn't suicide this time, 10/10/92

I, for one, am happy to see that for you!
Hope you stick with it now....

Brady

=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=Brady Woodward ~=~ U56503@UICVM=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=
  SATAN to NEW-COMER: The trouble with you Chicago people is that you
  think that you are the best people down here, whereas you are merely
  the most mumerous. --Mark Twain  (All other thoughts are mine alone.)
=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=
From: dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. Dennis)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: a cheap holiday in other people's misery
Keywords: spam fuck bunny
Date: 11 Oct 92 19:27:01 GMT
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana

In <Bvy3HE.6IL@news.cso.uiuc.edu> dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. 
Dennis) writes:

>This is only the second day that I've posted to this group, and already I'm 
>amused beyond words... as in, "I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just 
>amused."  I'm going over to alt.slack; bring a case of dark beer, some 'Frop, 
>and A FUCKING SENSE OF HUMOR if you'd like to join me.  But hey, if you'd 
>rather talk about the finer points of cyanide some more... never mind.

>Good night.

Responding to my own postings--pretty pathetic, I know, but... just had to 
clarity a few things.

I wrote the above last night about 2:00 am, after having just had an extremely
complicated talk with my SO.  I'm not completely disgusted with this group or 
all of the people in it, but some of the things that I've read on it disturb 
me.

Someone named Dave Conibear [I think] wrote a long, very explicit suicide note
and posted it on this group, which prompted much discussion as to whether he 
really did it or not, what it meant to each a.s.her; etc.  After all of that, 
someone finally thought to run a "finger" on Mr. Conibear, and lo and behold, 
he logged in only three days ago!  [I think--can't find the note that I looked
at.] [Yes, I know that someone  else could be using his login... rather than 
get sidetracked into a rehash of Internet solipsism, I'm assuming that it's 
him.]  Why did it take someone so long to do the obvious?  

Yeah, maybe I'm not getting into the spirit of this group; maybe pointing out 
that prison--at least, max-security--is worse than any mental hospital is 
beside the point; maybe I am trying to impose my values on others in a 
heavy-handed manner. I still think that just the occasional reality check would
do wonders for many of the people who have posted to this group; it sure helps
me.

Flames always welcome.

--

Tom Dennis                    |  I looked into the abyss,
dennis@alexia.uiuc.edu        |    and the abyss looked into me--
tadg0614@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu     |      and we both winked.
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. Dennis)
Subject: Re: a cheap holiday in other people's misery
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 04:38:35 GMT

I'm not going to respond directly to Angela Watson, for what should be an 
obvious reason.  I'd just like to acknowledge that, yes, alt.suicide.holiday is
for all kinds of people... including people like myself, who aren't part of the
clique of any particular newsgroup, who just start reading one day and react to
what we see on the screen, not what might have been going on via private e-mail
or months before or whatever. Several people have set me straight regarding 
Dave Conibear without being vindicative, which I appreciate a great deal.

I'm sorry if my approach or style offends or angers people, but I reserve the 
right to read and respond to any particular message on any group in any way I
see fit.  I assume that you know what the 'kill' function is and how to use it;
I will be, for the first time, from now on.

Sincerely,

--

Tom Dennis                    |  I looked into the abyss,
dennis@alexia.uiuc.edu        |    and the abyss looked into me--
tadg0614@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu     |      and we both winked.
Organization: University of Illinois at Chicago
Date: Friday, 9 Oct 1992 22:01:42 CDT
From: <U56503@uicvm.uic.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: sdf.lonestar.org:/u/df/suicide_quux

In article <1992Oct10.011708.17107@udel.edu>, Psycho Kitten says:

>to derive pleasure from enriching people's lives.  It's almost like
>playing god... you get to decide who will benifit from your existance and
>who you will ignore.  Life can also be based on hatred or an abstract

>enjoy granting benevolance on whomever I chose... I enjoy bringing a
>smile to people's faces or a light of understanding in their eyes.

Well...Oh Jeesh!...(Gulp) I *hate* to say this--really--gosh, I can hardly
bring myself to type it--but I *have* a compelling need to say:

==>  Aren't you Practicing Random Kindness And Senseless Acts Of Beauty?

There!  It's out!  Whew!  Can ASHers stand it?  Doubtful.  Astonishing!  :)

Don't you just *hate* it when someone is right and you can't admit it?
I sure do....

Brady

>                                Psycho Kitten

=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=Brady Woodward ~=~ U56503@UICVM=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=
  SATAN to NEW-COMER: The trouble with you Chicago people is that you
  think that you are the best people down here, whereas you are merely
  the most mumerous. --Mark Twain  (All other thoughts are mine alone.)
=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: rath@binah.cc.brandeis.edu
Subject: Re: Fork in the Road: Binary Decisions
Reply-To: rath@binah.cc.brandeis.edu
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 16:04:56 GMT

In article <1992Oct10.050346.12190@leland.Stanford.EDU>, underdog@leland.Stanford.EDU (Dwight Joe) writes:
>In article <92283.221057U56503@uicvm.uic.edu> <U56503@uicvm.uic.edu> writes:
>>In article <1687BD685.EUCLID@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu>, EUCLID@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu
>>(Elizabeth Kupfer)  says:
>>>    He probably is; it certainly looks like fish bait to me.  O.K. who, wants
>>>to bite this one??
>
>Hey, Elizabeth, how's it going?
>
>>Okay.  Okay.  I'll do it. (Chomp)
>>Dwight's a good "Joe."
>>Here goes:  (seriously)
>>Dwight, What? decision did you make?  Why will it forever change your future?
>>Why can't you turn back?  And what alternative did you choose?  Why do you
>>feel you would of course choose the wrong alternative?  Why can't you
>>change your decision again?  Why do you lack faith in your decision-making
>>abilities?
>
>I don't discuss my personal life in public.  My original post began with
>a question, followed by the limited background information that I provided.
>
>What I wished to be addressed was just the question, which you conveniently
>deleted.  I'll repeat it:
>
>   "How does one really know if a choice among alternatives is the
>    best?"
>
Oh --I missed that in the back of the scintillatingly provocative background 
info.  The answer to you question is, of course, my uncle Bill-bob, 
who works for the State departmental repository archive of the
real answers to rhetorical questions in Malad City Idaho.  Its a top-
secret thing, because if people realized that there were answers to these 
things, then they might start actually doing things, which might cause a lot 
of problems.  So the answer to your question is ask Bill-bob.
--rich, failing to lurk because he has other things he should be doing 
other than posting so he is posting instead.....


>"... I still haven't found what I'm looking for ..." - U2
>"... With or without you ... she makes me wait ..." -U2
>
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Seikatsu no imi wa nan desu ka.            \|  |`      | Don't buy from Toyota;
>Shitte itara oshiete kuremasen ka.          | -+-      | especially, don't buy
>                                           /| / \      | from Capitol Toyota in
>Copyright 1992.                 Disclaimer:  1 + 1 = 3 | San Jose, California.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: mhamon@joule.elee.calpoly.edu (Marvin Hamon)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Methods
Keywords: methods how to
Date: 16 Oct 92 16:35:31 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo

What ever happened to the methods file? I have not seen it posted in
quite a while. If anyone has a copy and could post it or e-mail it to
me it would be much appreciated. 

Also, does anyone know any good how to guides on making effective poisons
from commonly available materials? Winter is upon us and I want to be
ready for the up coming holiday season.

Thanks,

-Marvin

Cheap, hand made sig:

mhamon@joule.elee.calpoly.edu
From: sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: a cheap holiday in other people's misery
Date: 16 Oct 92 17:22:38 GMT
Organization: Mitre Corporation, McLean, VA

In article <ogorman.719074436@unix1.tcd.ie> ogorman@unix1.tcd.ie (Lucifuge) writes:
>Brady writes:
>
>[Nothing worth quoting unfortunately]
>
>Thank you for that Brady.
>
>Now Fuck off [tm].

Well said.....

---Steve
-- 
Stephen Okay  sokay@mitre.org
"You see, I'm kind of this control freak who likes to create his own
personal hells before the real one can get to him. I like to beat hell
to hell so to speak".--Spalding Gray "Monster in a box"
From: awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu (angela watson)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Bipolar, Anyone?
Date: 13 Oct 92 22:06:44 GMT
Organization: Eternal Order of Chaos

In article <ren.719011309@camelot> ivy@camelot.bradley.edu (Ivelisse Atiles) writes:
>In <allan.5.718998613@slab.unt.edu> allan@slab.unt.edu (Mark Allan) writes:
>
>>Just in such a good mood today, I thought I'd break out of my lurker status 
>>and talk to y'all, and shine a ray of crystal light into this cold, 
>>cobwebbed database... By the way, this is one of my favorite newsgroups, 
>>along w/ alt.romance.chat, that world where everybody is HUG ing eachother.  
>>I guess intense emotions are my reason for living.  Any kindred souls, out 
>>there?
>
>I'm in a good mood too.
>And even if I was in a bad mood, I wouldn't feel like suicide...
>I feel like homicide.
>Just thought I'd get that off my chest.
>(isn't there an alt.homicide.holiday? 8))
>--
>Ivelisse Atiles (girl... of DESSSS-tiny!)  @}--}--  ivy@camelot.bradley.edu

	Me too!  I do feel like homicide instead of suicide this week...

	...but intense emotions aren't my reason for living.  I can't
stand when people act all huggy... just makes me want to spew (or
take them out with blowdarts).

	
-- 

Psycho Kitten   \ zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu    \ Check my .plan \ Just a Grim
Angela M. Watson \ awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu \ for more info  \ Reaper wannabe
From: EUCLID@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Fork in the Road: Binary Decisions
Date: 9 Oct 92 20:15:13 GMT
Organization: C.C.S.O.

In article <92282.235346U56503@uicvm.uic.edu>
<U56503@uicvm.uic.edu> writes:
 
>
>In article <1992Oct8.222456.10398@leland.Stanford.EDU>,
>underdog@leland.Stanford.EDU (Dwight Joe) says:
>
>>Today, I finalized a decision, which will forever change my future.
>>There's no turning back, effectively.  Knowing me, I probably picked
>>the wrong alternative.
>
>Are you suggesting we ask about it?
>
    He probably is; it certainly looks like fish bait to me.  O.K. who, wants
to bite this one??
 
Euclid (aka Omar the Iron Bender, Pokey, Iron Maiden, L.C., Gumby, and, yes,
             elizabeth kupfer (also known in real life as Emily Kemp, but
              what difference does that make??).
From: G.I.West@bradford.ac.uk (Graham West)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: a cheap holiday in other people's misery
Date: 12 Oct 92 11:31:58 GMT
Organization: University of Bradford, UK
Originator: 91670332@ccw311
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]

Thomas A. Dennis (dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu) wrote:
: someone finally thought to run a "finger" on Mr. Conibear, and lo and behold, 
: he logged in only three days ago!  [I think--can't find the note that I looked
: at.] [Yes, I know that someone  else could be using his login... rather than 
: get sidetracked into a rehash of Internet solipsism, I'm assuming that it's 
: him.]  Why did it take someone so long to do the obvious?  

Are you really that stupid? (By the way, it was me who posted the 'finger'). I
have been checking every couple of days - just did half an hour ago as well.

His last login time hasn't changed since my 'finger' posting.

Up until 8th October, his last login and mail reading had been 30th September.
SO HOW COULD WE POST ANYTHING BEFORE 8th OCTOBER YOU GREAT DOPE! Now it could
be that he DID kill himself and one of the admins at his site was checking for
any mail/files that might help explain circumstances, or it could be he's
still alive and finally got bored of using someone else's account.
: 
[stuff about people on this group needing a sense of perspective]
I think you've got a good point here - there are quite a few people who seem
to like melodrama (if conibear's post was a hoax, then he must be one of them).
Myself, I try to be objective - not always easy though.

I deleted the text to save space - it wasn't too relevent to this thread.

: Flames always welcome.

Don't mention it - always glad to oblige :-)
: 
: Tom Dennis

		Graham

-- 
Graham West, University Of Bradford, UK   ....   g.i.west@bradford.ac.uk
"Red, crimson red, am I the invisible boy?" W.A.S.P. - The Crimson Idol
From: Psycho Kitten
Subject: sdf.lonestar.org:/u/df/suicide_quux
Originator: awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu
Organization: no 
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 01:17:08 GMT


	What a strange post...

	(BvspCJ.257@sdf.lonestar.org from df@sdf.lonestar.org (daniel finster))
	(about deciding to die and why he shouldn't care how it affects) 
	(others...)

	Personally, I have no opinion about the seriousness of the post
or whether or not he's "correct"...

	The entire post sounded like an rationalization for wanting to
end his life... but if he honestly believes that, he wouldn't need to
rationalize it. 

	Of course societies try to make people feel that they must 
continue their lives no matter what... it's not in the best interest of
the society to have people off themselves when they are no longer happy
and/or no longer desire to live.  Laws are passed against suicide to
try to keep people from killing themselves... those who simply won't
do it don't want to be left all alone with the added responibility.  Death
creates problems for those who are still alive... by keeping as many
people alive as possible, society aims to spread the misery, pain and
responibility among everyone.  If everyone just died when things got
too bad, who'd be left to oppress? (what a sad thought...)  If you're
dead, they can't control you.  

	I do think people should live for themselves... but I happen
to derive pleasure from enriching people's lives.  It's almost like
playing god... you get to decide who will benifit from your existance and
who you will ignore.  Life can also be based on hatred or an abstract
idea/goal.  I lived for many years on hatred and spite... it's not the
best type of existance, but it can be quite enjoyable at times.  Now I
enjoy granting benevolance on whomever I chose... I enjoy bringing a
smile to people's faces or a light of understanding in their eyes.

	Once you're born, the only thing that is truely required of
you is that you die.  If you chose to live among other humans (usually
the default choice - whether you like it or not), following at least some
of the social standards helps make your daily interaction flow a bit
smoother.  Of course people encourage you to live... they don't
want to deal with all the loose ends that death leaves for the living.  

				Psycho Kitten

	
-- 

Psycho Kitten   \ zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu    \ Check my .plan \ Just a Grim
Angela M. Watson \ awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu \ for more info  \ Reaper wannabe

Xref: sparky alt.geek:20 sci.bio:3572
From: csd36@keele (S.P. Burden)
Newsgroups: alt.geek,sci.bio
Subject: Geek Production
Date: 15 Oct 92 11:50:59 GMT
Organization: Keele University, England

This apparent contradiction has always puzzled me, hopefully
some one can explain it:

Given that 4% of geeks are female, and geeks do not mate
with non-geek females, why do we have a thriving local geek
community? Is it because all the geeks in the world are
moving here, or are geeks extra terrestial?

Surely the geek should by now be extinct.

I am afraid I can not post this on Friday or Saturday night
due to pressing engagements ( blonde ) down our local disco.
Xref: sparky alt.geek:9 talk.bizarre:33561 alt.licker.store:17 alt.newbie:182
From: mmoore@staff.tc.umn.edu ("None of ya Bizness")
Subject: Re: newgroup alt.geek
Organization: University of Minnesota
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 01:23:25 GMT

In article <9OCT199210354786@cc.utah.edu> msm9891@cc.utah.edu (MICHAEL STEPHEN MERRELL) writes:
$In article <1992Oct9.155717.22740@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>, mbur@nyx.cs.du.edu (MAC) writes...
${In article <1992Oct9.051119.9328@sol.ctr.columbia.edu> osa@wilbur.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska) writes:
${>I saw a great need.
${I claw big weeds.
$I gnaw candy beads.
This is a pain to read.


-- 
Malcolm Diallo Moore, CIS-Univ. of Minn.                mmoore@staff.tc.umn.edu
				            	    moor0009@student.tc.umn.edu
"Arresk the Presidink!"                           malcolm@mermaid.micro.umn.edu
		-- Popeye the Intelligent Hoodlum
Xref: sparky alt.geek:13 misc.test:11742 alt.cascade:2477
From: bradstoc@ravel.udel.edu (Craig A Bradstock)
Newsgroups: alt.geek,misc.test,alt.cascade
Subject: Re: newgroup alt.geek
Date: 12 Oct 92 23:29:24 GMT
Organization: University of Delaware

In article <gunnarh.192.718903536@dhhalden.no> gunnarh@dhhalden.no (GUNNAR HORRIGMO) writes:
>In article <1b4eljINNfk5@darkstar.UCSC.EDU> cmraman@ucscb.UCSC.EDU (Focused on Infinity) writes:
>>From: cmraman@ucscb.UCSC.EDU (Focused on Infinity)
>>Subject: Re: newgroup alt.geek
>>Date: 9 Oct 1992 17:14:27 GMT
>>Summary: let's cascade!
>>
>>In article <9OCT199210354786@cc.utah.edu> msm9891@cc.utah.edu (MICHAEL STEPHEN MERRELL) writes:
>>>In article <1992Oct9.155717.22740@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>, mbur@nyx.cs.du.edu (MAC) writes...
>>>{In article <1992Oct9.051119.9328@sol.ctr.columbia.edu> osa@wilbur.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska) writes:
>>>{>I saw a great need.
>>>{I claw big weeds.
>>>I gnaw candy beads.
>>I draw randy seeds.
>My lawn's sandy indeed.
Dogs in heat will bleed.  
Newsgroups: alt.geek,alt.cascade
From: tphailey@eos.ncsu.edu (THOMAS PATRICK HAILEY)
Subject: Re: Question...
Originator: tphailey@c00393-346dan.eos.ncsu.edu
Reply-To: tphailey@eos.ncsu.edu (THOMAS PATRICK HAILEY)
Organization: North Carolina State University, Project Eos
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 04:11:15 GMT


>I saw a great need.
>I claw big weeds.
>I gnaw candy beads.
>I draw randy seeds.
>My lawn's sandy indeed.
>Dogs in heat will bleed.  
>I gave in to greed.
>God is hungry, please feed.
>I eat tomato seeds.

If I asked you guys to stop, would you heed?
Xref: sparky alt.geek:27 sci.bio:3587