HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: marcia@netcom.com (Marcia)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What to bring on a first date?
Date: 15 Oct 92 23:47:29 GMT
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II

In article <oerKZFO00WB70ZQYcy@andrew.cmu.edu> "Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz" <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:
>I thought this was alt.romance. I don't consider it very 'romantic' to
>jump into bed on the first date. If sex is all that important that you
>can't wait until the second date (or six months or a year, etc.) then
>where's the romance in the relationship.

To me, sex and romance or orthogonal; you can have sex without romance, 
romance without sex, and a whole mess of combinations in between. Each 
couple is so different that I don't feel qualified to tell someone when 
sex is and isn't appropriate.

And each person's definition of romance is personal, so it may or may not
include sex.
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                  ADDRESSES: marcia@netcom.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."                                     mlb@cisco.com
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: chyde@pecos.ads.com (Clinton Hyde)
Subject: Re: How long has it been
Organization: Advanced Decision Systems, Mountain View, CA 94043, +1 (415)
	960-7300
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 00:40:13 GMT


;;How about NEVER.... Am I missing something???? 
;;
;;Naveena Michael


you're DEFINITELY missing something...how is this possible?

 -- clint
--

Clint Hyde		"Give me a LispM or give me death!" -- anonymous

Advanced Decision Systems/BAH	Internet:  chyde@chesapeake.ads.com
1953 Gallows Rd, Suite 600
Vienna, VA  22182-3934		(703) 902-7130
From: AVERNON1@ua1vm.ua.edu (Dr. Luv!)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Advice for Confused Soul
Date: 16 Oct 92 00:30:46 GMT
Organization: The University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa

In article <15OCT199216233002@venus.tamu.edu>
rwb7054@venus.tamu.edu writes:
 
*Discussion of Co-ed Frat nuked*
>
>I am extremely attracted to this girl, but there are a few kinks in the
>rope.  One, she is dating a guy who lives about 90 miles from here.  She met
>him this summer while she was working there, and they've been going out
>since late August.  She and I have talked about this relationship, and it
>doesn't seem to me like it is anything super serious, but I never can tell.
>Secondly, the "pledges" have been discouraged from dating/seeing any of the
>active members(i.e. myself), and I am worried that if I tell her about my
>feelings for her, I will put added pressure on her, and that is the last
>thing I want to do.
>
>Every time I'm around her, I am completely starstruck. She and I are extremely
>close, and she can read me like a book, so I feel like I can't look her in the
>eyes because I'm worried she will be able to see how I feel about her.  We
>have always said that OUR relationship is based on trust, and I feel like I'm
>breaking that trust by not revealing my feelings to her.
 
One or both of you may need to reconsider your involvement in the fraternity.
Sure, those organizations are great, but then again, one great relationship
is worth missing all the parties, swaps and formals, isn't it?
 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=  A n d r e w   V e r n o n =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                       Anything is possible...
   Internet: AVERNON1@UA1VM.UA.EDU DGIF#9691 BITNET: AVERNON1@UA1VM
From: terrylee@wpi.WPI.EDU (The Cookie Goddess)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What to bring on a first date?
Date: 12 Oct 92 21:32:38 GMT
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
NNTP-Posting-Host: wpi.wpi.edu

In article <92286.001619MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET> MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET writes:
>I have a question for everyone.  I have been out of the dating scene for about
>six years and now I find myself back in there.  My question is What is the
>best thing to bring on a first date?   Thanks for any and all advice.


Yourself.



*grin*
terrylee

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
  "Sanity is only for people who can't bounce        | terrylee@wpi.wpi.edu
   a reality check"                                  | Patricia Currier
                      -Hikaru Hiyama  KOR            | Box 2900, WPI
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Won't have Sex with a Fat Guy
From: parvin1@husc11.harvard.edu (Douglas Parvin)
Date: 15 Oct 92 03:30:40 GMT

Overweight people often suffer from a poor self image.  Making that image
worse by showing disgust can backfire.  The person might very well regress
into food as a source of comfort.  Any thought of losing weight will be
tied to that painful thought, and so the person might find it easier not
to try at all.

A little constructive advice never hurts, but the last thing an overweight
person needs is lower self-esteem.
-- 
===========================================================================
Douglas Parvin
parvin1@husc.harvard.edu
From: 01ksdavis@bsu-ucs.uucp (Rebel without a clue.)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What to bring on a first date?
Date: 15 Oct 92 16:35:54 GMT

In article <oerKZFO00WB70ZQYcy@andrew.cmu.edu>, ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu (Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz) writes:
> Excerpts from netnews.alt.romance: 14-Oct-92 Re: What to bring on a
> firs.. by Thomas Grant Edwards@eng 
>> >       Kind of forward on a first date?  Or is it hopeful nowadays? :-)
>>  
>> Better prepared than pregnant/dead, eh?
> 
> I thought this was alt.romance. I don't consider it very 'romantic' to
> jump into bed on the first date. If sex is all that important that you
> can't wait until the second date (or six months or a year, etc.) then
> where's the romance in the relationship.
	This is what I was trying to say, in as not as many words.  I am the
person with >> >
> 
> What to bring with you to the first date?
> 
> Well where did you plan to go? Dinner and a movie? Then yes money is
> necessary. But maybe you're doing a picnic in the park? No money, but
> food and a good ground cloth and maybe a little chair or two in case
> one of you have problems with your knees. I don't think we know enough
> about this 'first' date to give you good enough advice.
	Important point, but you'd still need money for the food, possibly for
transportation out to the park, wherever it may be.  
> ag
-- 
______________________________________________________________________________
.sig under construction. Kyle
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Untitled gem
Date: 15 Oct 92 18:34:38 GMT
Reply-To: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Organization: BNR Europe Limited, London Road, Harlow, Essex, GB

In the referenced article "Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz" <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:
>Stephen Dennison writes:

	[Good, but not excellent advice]

[Truly excellent advice]
>
>ag

ag's comments are spot on -- again. In fact, I formally propose her for
a.r.net.goddess '92. :-)

Michael (the 'peace' one) deserves a.r.net.god '92, while I'm here, too. :-)

PS. I'm still running for a.r.ex-nice-guy-turned-cynical-biker-bastard '92, 
if anyone's interested in voting... ;-)

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: baarniy@iastate.edu (Scott A Coon)
Subject: Re: Gifts for Men
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames, IA
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 05:05:16 GMT

Well, the most romantic thing I've ever received was from my
last girlfriend before she left to train with the National 
Guard for a year -- a small inlaid-wood box with two compartments.
The first one had a very tiny metal heart with a keyhole and a
small key to go with it.  The other compartment had a very small
lock of her hair.  I thought it was brilliant, if you want to allow
that term for romantic ideas.  _Very_ touching, complete surprise.
    (Of course, within six months, we broke up.  Two weeks later she
got engaged to someone at the training camp, and they are now married
four months later.  But that's a different story (which I'm completely
over now, thank God. :) ))

One thing I've always thought would be cool would be a rose (something
you rarely see a guy receiving.)  Another SO gave me a chain (for
the neck).  I still wear it three years after we broke up, because
it's cool.  Permanent gifts are really the best, IMHO.  Next to good
memories.

Any other ideas relate too closely to my personality/major to be really
useful to most people.

Scott

Xref: sparky alt.romance:12646 alt.romance.chat:19386 talk.bizarre:34114
From: dave@irv.icl.com ( Dave Hill)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.romance.chat,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: How long has it been?
Summary: oh?
Date: 10 Oct 92 07:04:11 GMT
Followup-To: alt.romance,misc.test,alt.romance.chat
Distribution: na
Organization: ccicpg

In article <BvtDs4.Cx3@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu>, ssalter@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (-=[SLS]=-) writes:
> >>How long has it been since you were kissed by a member of
> >>the opposite sex?
> 
> Oh, around five hours I suppose. It was one of those kisses meant to
> last all day until I got off work...Long and slow and sensuous and
> warm. Her lips sliding over mine smoothly and our mouths parting and
> tongues slipping out to taste one another...our bodies pressed
> together tightly....a slow sweet ending to the kiss and deep look in
> each others eyes and a soft smile as I left the house.

Yes yes of course, dear.

And what a nice way to start the day.

I'm sure your cat enjoyed it too.
From: moore7004@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: <None>
Date: 14 Oct 92 21:03:56 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

In article <Bw3Cxs.AuF@ecf.toronto.edu>, deviass@ecf.toronto.edu (Deviasse Robert) writes:
> 
> Actually my life's philosophy is:
> 
> ****** You can't change the past, but you can change the future ******

How bout this:

You can't change the past, but you can certainly deliberately misremember it,
and there's no guarantee you've even GOT a future, so you better DAMN well
enjoy what little bit of the present there is.

Makes my time here on this earth a little more, I don't know, romantic probably
ain't the word, but ...
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: First/Second Date
Date: 16 Oct 92 15:57:14 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1992Oct16.032639.9409@random.ccs.northeastern.edu> bandy@ccs.northeastern.edu (Bandy Chin) writes:
...
>My question/problem is that I would like to ask her out again, but I don't
>really know how she thought about our first date.  Come to think of it I
>don't know if you can even call it a date date.  We went out...I'm not sure if
>she thought it was a friends sort of outting....What I need is advice.
>Advice on how to understand how ladies feel, their body language, thoughts
>that go through their minds.....I would like both the mail (male) and 
>femail (female) perspective.....
>
I think it is natural to worry about what she thought about the first 
date, but I don't think it is a good idea to decide whether or not
to ask her out again on whether or not you thought she had a good time.
Let her decide that. If you want to go out again, ask her. It is no
worse to be turned down than it would be to decide ahead of time not
to ask her because you might be turned down.

As for whether she thought that your first date was a friends sort of 
outing or a date, unless you have reason to believe that she would
be offended by you asking her out on a 'real date', I wouldn't worry
about that either. Keep asking her out, and eventually she will get
the right idea.

Now, I don't want to sound like I am against understanding the other
person. But in a dating situation, usually the other person hasn't made
up their mind about you, and you need to give them time to make up
their mind. If you double guess them, or try to rush to find out how
they feel, you aren't giving them time to make up their mind. And if
you don't give them time to make up their mind, you decrease your
chances that they will decide in your favor.  You need to gently push
them in the direction you would like to go, and notice how much
resistance you get. Since you can't push hard (it would be
counter-productive), you need to push often, and be patient.

Again, I would suggest you ask her out if you think it is a good idea
(that is, suppose she will accept and think about whether you would
like to go out with her).

Take Care,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: robg@citr.uq.oz.au (Rob Geraghty)
Subject: Re: "What are you thinking, dear?"?
Organization: Prentice Centre, University of Queensland
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 06:43:54 GMT

>"What are you thinking, dear?"?

In my experience there were two main reasons why she repeatedly asked me
this question:

1. She wanted to talk about something, so was fishing in my head for
topics rather than picking one herself...

2. She wanted me to say that I was thinking about something to do with
*her*.  This was the most common reason, I think.  Mainly because I
didn't spend enough time telling her how wonderful she was.  The fact I
didn't say anything didn't mean I was thinking otherwise.  However I
guess it meant I wasn't thinking nice things about her as much as she
would have liked.

A sign of basic insecurity about my feelings for her, I guess.  Sad in
retrospect, really.  Sad that she *was* insecure, sad that *I* gave her
reason to be :-(

I used to get *really* annoyed with the way she would insist on me
talking without actually trying to start the conversation herself.
Conversation is a 2 way thing!  *I* don't know what she might *really*
have in her head as a topic unless she tells me.  I ask - "What would
*you* like to talk about" "Oh, nothing" But you *know* there's something
she wants to talk about...

Got carried away for a minute, I'm back now...

Rob

--
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rob Geraghty                         | Time, flowing like a river
robg@durian.citr.oz.au               | Time, beckoning me
CITR                                 | APP
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: dpp@cray.com (David Peterschmidt)
Subject: Re: Help!  What should I do? (Very long)
Reply-To: dpp@cray.com
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 9 Oct 92 15:12:06 CDT

In article EDn@acsu.buffalo.edu, v119qkv2@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (POE) writes:
>
>	I have a problem.  I really have nowhere else to turn, so I'm seeking 
>the advice of total strangers here on the net.  Here's the situation...
>	I'm interested in a girl.  She and I are good friends.  She has a boy-
>friend.  He and I are friends.  Not "best" friends, but friends nonetheless.
>He and She have been going out for over a year.  However, they have been having
>relationship problems for quite some time.  It seems they have a little spat at
>least once a week.  Both have threatened to "breakup" many, many times, but yet
>they're still together.

  --- stuff deleted ---

>
>					Totally confused,
>						Mike Poe


Tell her how you feel, but don't pressure her to break up or anything.  She
can make decisions - allow her to make an informed one.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
| Dave Peterschmidt        |  Overheard from the mayor of Hiroshima:  |
| Cray Research, Inc.      |                                          |
| dpp@cray.com             |       What the f..k was that!            |
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: baptiste@bnr.ca (Michael Baptiste P275)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Where do I go from here?
Date: 13 Oct 92 19:07:05 GMT
Organization: Bell-Northern Research, BNR-RTP

In article <1992Oct13.164154.7056@bnr.ca>, Joan Balser writes:
> It sounds to me that she is USING you when nothing else is going
> on in her life.  Especially, when you said you couldn't get tickets
> to a concert and all of a sudden there is a change of heart.  
> 
> I have GIRLFRIENDS who do the same to me!  They only call you up
> when there is nothing exciting happening in their life or when 
> they want to tell you all your problems.  
> 
> I think she isn't being HONEST with you and playing with your 
> heart strings because she knows you would do anything for her 
> at a drop of a hat.  
> 
> You deserve better than that!  DUMP HER for good!

I second that.  She's using you for all you're worth.

When it's going well, she drops you just to she if you'll
come bakc.  She's playing major games with your mind!

Mike
From: moore7004@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Won't have Sex with a Fat Guy
Date: 14 Oct 92 22:03:24 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

In article <1992Oct14.224149.24308@bradley.bradley.edu>, dave@bradley.bradley.edu (David Vessell) writes:
> Punishment is not necessarily bad, depending on how one goes about it.  By
> that I mean it doesn't have to be unreasonable and cruel.

Hey, whoa there, take this to the s&m group where it belongs...sheesh...
From: 01ksdavis@bsu-ucs.uucp (Rebel without a clue.)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What to bring on a first date?
Date: 14 Oct 92 00:02:52 GMT

In article <1992Oct13.152432.581@dct.ac.uk>, mcsbc3ktp@dct.ac.uk (Kirk Potter) writes:
> In article <1bdhf0INNfoa@bigboote.WPI.EDU>, damong@manyjars.WPI.EDU (Damon Francis Gentile) writes:
>> In article <92286.001619MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET> MBUTCHER@MIAMIU.BITNET writes:
> What about a condom?????

	Kind of forward on a first date?  Or is it hopeful nowadays? :-)

>Kirk P at D.I.T. (Dundee Institute of Technology, Dundee, Scotland, U.K.) #


 ______________________________________________________________________________
|Kyle S. Davis				                                       |
|2000HD	1MbRAM//                                Hot VWs               1973     |
|1084s       //  Only Amiga makes it possible,    \/   Take 2 home-   311      |
|Oki 20   \\//   All others make it plausible.   \/\/  They're small.          |
|
|______________________________________________________________________________|
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: bwbrock@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu (Benjamin Warre Brock)
Subject: Re: How to tell if you are in love
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 16:43:19 GMT
 found this lying around, it was posted last year, and may have been posted
Organization: Engineering Computer Network, University of Oklahoma, Norman, OK, USA
Keywords: Infatuation


1. What do I want from this relationship?

2. Have I told him/her what is important to me in a relationship?

3. Does he/she tell me what is important to him/her in a relationship?

4. Am I happy with the way things are?

5. What type of changes would make it better?

6. Can we talk about touching?

7. Do I fee good about the touching we do?

8. Am I feeling pressured or am I pressurring?

9. How does the relationship effect other things or people in my life?

10 Who can I talk to when things get tough?


Then it goes into these definitions:


MATURE LOVE

*both are individuals apart from the other

*each accepts the fact that neither is perfect

*the relationship is strong in tough times as well as happy times

*the love gives each person energy to devote to all aspects of life

*the two people are close friends

*each person continues to grow as an independent human being

*there is joy in giving as well as recieving

*there is honesty and trust btween the two people

*each feels a responsibility to the others well being


INFATUATION IS NOT LOVE

*the person depends on the relation for self esteem

*the person takes more from the relationship than they give

*each is jealous of the others seperate activities

*the relationship drains the person of energy

*the person is afraid that the other person will lose interest in them

*the person can only think of the other person
 
What do you think




-- 
Ben Brock
bwbrock@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu
aero engr (junior)
From: PCT601%SIRIUS.UKC.AC.UK@ib.rl.ac.uk (Robryche)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re. Am I in love
Date: 16 Oct 1992 07:43:30 -0500
Organization: UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway
NNTP-Posting-Host: cs.utexas.edu

roberso@asdsun.larc.nasa.gov (Steve Roberson) writes;
>I've been seeing my girlfriend now for six months.
>
>I thought all this time that I loved her, but now I'm not so sure.
>
>We both have commitment, honesty, trust, and communication so what is
>missing?
>
>I almost feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I love her.
>
>But I also feel like the one I'm supposed to be with is still out there.
>
>Has any one gone through something like this because if you have I sure would
>like some advice!
>
>
>Steve

Dunno. After six months,perhaps you've just got so used to it that you
sort of dont notice that it's there. Kind of like when you cant
remember where your hands are when you've been sitting still for
sometime. Happened to me about a year ago. If there's nothing to test
the way you feel towards each other, which can happen when you have
commitment,honesty, trust and communication, there's nothing to poke
your memory. Doesnt mean you're not in love however.

On the other hand, you say you feel the one for you is still out
there. If you feel this way, you're bound to get disenchanted whoever
you're with anyway. Not to mention it may place a strain anyway.

You say you have communication. Talk to her about it. I did with my
girlfriend. It helped to clarify things in my mind, and as I sat there
telling her that I wasnt sure I loved her, I began to get an inkling
that perhaps I did. A few days later, I was head over heels again.

Basically, give it a bit of time, wait until you're certain one way or
another. If you split and she ends up with someone else and you
realise you do love her, you'll hate yourself. On the other hand dont
torture her and youself by sticking in a relationship where you're not
happy.

Best of luck

*****    _  |  __  __/   ____/   /   /  *
****    /  _'     /     /       /   /  **
***    __ |      /     /       __  /  ***
**    /   /     /     /       /   /  ****
*  __/ __/ ______/ ______/ __/ __/  *****