From: dbd@urartu.sdpa.org (David Davidian)
Subject: The Revisionist Used Car Dealer
Summary: Scenes I-IV
Keywords: How to Con a Revisionist out of a BMW & have him Arrested. 
Organization: S.D.P.A. Center for Regional Studies
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 04:58:13 GMT


Scene I: Revisionist Used Auto Sales, Talat Pasa Bulvari, Istanbul, Turkey
         Customer wants to by a used car.


Revisionist: Hello Mr..? 

Customer: Yes, it's Mr., don't get worried!

Revisionist: So you want to purchase a fine automobile?

Customer: Well, Sir, if that were the case I would not be here, I would be at
          the BMW dealer.

Revisionist: Oh, not true sir, you know BMWs were designed by Armenians, you
             know, the barbarians?

Customer: Not so! BMWs were designed by Germans!!!

Revisionist: Yes..yes. but..but, German Armenians...??

Customer: Hmm...(thinking the Sales Person is a flaming idiot).

Revisionist: Oh yes, they may look like fine automobiles, but in reality more
             Turks die in BMW accidents than in all others makes combined. 
             It's an Armenian plot to do away with the remaining 60 million 
             Turks. In fact, there is proof that Armenians are attempting to 
             sell these anti-Turkmobiles to our central Asian brothers. They 
             are trying to kill us all...so sir, don't look at that BMW...buy 
             this real, honest-to-goodness, Turkish car, this red Anadol!

Customer: (Now knows this person is a servile dolt working secretly for the
           big-shots in Ankara, plans to fool the sales person AND commit
           him to a proper institution). The customer tells the used car sales
           person that he will come back later. "I will come back later...
           Do you have a card"?

Revisionist: Yes, sir, there is my name right there.

Customer: (reading the name in shock) Hasan B) Mutlu...From Sivri Ada?

Revisionist: No, that must be somebody else!!! :-) 
 
Customer: Looking suspicious...

Revisionist: (attempts to distract his attention), Oh sir, read the other 
             side!

Customer: (sees a saying on the other side of the card)..."Biz Bize Benzeriz"
          What's this supposed to mean? 

Revisionist: It means "We look like ourselves" (Mutlu looking proud).

Customer: I can read Turkish, but what does this mean?

Revisionist: Oh, all of us that have this job are the same!!! :-)

Customer: (Thinking of an extra special way of getting back at this fool) Yes,
         of course, foolish me....................

Scene II: Customer drives by the Etnografaya Muzesi, past the Talat Pasa 
          landfill, on his way home. At home he phones the local Ikinci Sube 
          (Political Police) explaining to them that his brother is mentally
          ill and he may a Kurdish Separatist, Killer Greek, or a Genocidal
          Armenian, and that for weeks he has been trying to bring him in
          for the Ikinci Sube to be checked, and that he has at least 
          convinced his brother to go for a ride, which will stop by the 
          Police building. He tells the Police that his brother will be 
          yelling, screaming, and swearing about all sorts of foolish things, 
          BUT PLEASE, IGNORE IT ALL and that he really must be tortured or 
          something. The Police say OK, bring him in, it's OK the world is 
          watching the Serbs, they don't care about a few more TERRORISTS 
          BEING TORTURED.......BRING HIM......WE WILL BE WAITING OUTSIDE !!!

Scene III: The customer returns to Revisionist Used Auto Sales, and he see
           Mutlu, except he is wearing a different hat than before.  

Customer: Hello Mr. Happy Man (trying to humor Mutlu)
       
Revisionist: Looking confused. Are you talking to me?

Customer: Well, there is nobody else here...Mr. Mutlu!!!

Revisionist: Mr. Mutlu...I am not Mutlu, my name is Argic!

Customer: What do you mean, I was just here, and I spoke to you! You are 
          Mutlu!

Revisionist: Well sir, we all look like ourselves! 

Customer: (Recalling that the earlier person was also an idiot, thought the
          sales motto was rather fitting)

Revisionist: Well, can I sell you a car?

Customer: You...you...sell ME a car, you must be joking?

Revisionist: No sir, not at all!

Customer: (Thinking he wants a BMW) Yes, I want that BMW, the 730i

Revisionist: Oh no sir, not that! You know there cars are designed by Ar...

Customer: Oh yes, I know, but that is OK, I want to test drive it, just to see
          what it feels like to test an Armenian car!

Revisionist: Ya, I know, we re-painted it with our latest new color, Azeri 
             Gray Wolf metallic!

Customer: Yes, that is a much nicer color than it was before. In fact, 
          (opening the hood), it seems this car was red at one time. 

Revisionist: Yes, all Armenians are red, and blue, and some even orange!

Customer: (thinking this person is a real fool) Do you have any papers on this
          car, like scheduled oil changes, etc.

Revisionist: Oh, yes sir. This car has only 10,000 KM, and was never really
             owned by anybody.

Customer: What do you mean? Do you have proof of your claims:

Revisionist: Yes, see here in The British Archives:

a) Parliamentary Papers (Hansard): Commons/Lords
b) Foreign Office: Confidential Print: Various Collections
c) Foreign Office: 424/239-253: Turkey: Correspondence - Annual Reports
d) Foreign Office: 608
e) Foreign Office: 371, Political Intelligence: General Correspondence
f) Foreign Office: 800/240, Ryan Papers
g) Foreign Office: 800/151, Curzon Papers
h) Foreign Office: 839: The Eastern Conference: Lausanne. 53 files

And in India Office Records and Library, Blackfriars Road, London.

a) L/Political and Security/10/851-855 (five boxes), "Turkey: Treaty of
   Peace: 1918-1923"
b) L/P & S/10/1031, "Near East: Turkey and Greece: Lausanne Conference,
   1921-1923"
c) L/P & S/11/154
d) L/P & S/11/1031

AU en French Archives

Archives du ministere des Affaires entrangeres, Quai d'Orsay, Paris.

a) Documents Diplomatiques: Affaires Armeniens: 1895-1914 Collections
b) Guerre: 1914-1918: Turquie: Legion d'Orient.
c) Levant, 1918-1929: Armenie.

And of Course in Official Publications, Published Documents, Diplomatic 
Correspondence, Agreements, Minutes and Others

A. Turkey (The Ottoman Empire and The Republic of Turkey)

Akarli, E. (ed.); "Belgelerle Tanzimat," (istanbul, 1978).
(Gn. Kur., ATASE); "Askeri Tarih Belgeleri Dergisi," V. XXXI (81),
(Dec. 1982).
----; "Askeri Tarih Belgeleri Dergisi," V. XXXII (83),
(Dec. 1983).
Hocaoglu, M. (ed.); "Ittihad-i Anasir-i Osmaniye Heyeti Nizamnamesi,"
(Istanbul, 1912).
Meray, S. L. (trans./ed.) "Lozan Baris Konferansi: Tutanaklar-Belgeler,"
(Ankara, 1978), 2 vols.
Meray, S. L./O. Olcay (ed.); "Osmanli Imparatorlugu'nun Cokus Belgeleri;
Mondros Birakismasi, Sevr Andlasmasi, Ilgili Belgeler," (Ankara, 1977).
(Osmanli Devleti, Dahiliye Nezareti); "Aspirations et Agissements 
Revolutionnaires des Comites Armeniens avant et apres la proclamation
de la Constitution Ottomane," (Istanbul, 1917).
----; "Ermeni Komitelerinin Amal ve Hareket-i Ihtilaliyesi: Ilan-i
Mesrutiyetten Evvel ve Sonra," (Istanbul, 1916).
----; "Idare-i Umumiye ve Vilayet Kanunu," (Istanbul, 1913).
----; "Muharrerat-i Umumiye Mecmuasi, V. I (Istanbul, 1914).
----; "Muharrerat-i Umumiye Mecmuasi, V. II (Istanbul, 1915).
----; "Muharrerat-i Umumiye Mecmuasi, V. III (Istanbul, 1916).
----; "Muharrerat-i Umumiye Mecmuasi, V. IV (Istanbul, 1917).
(Osmanli Devleti, Hariciye Nezareti); "Imtiyazat-i Ecnebiyye'nin
Lagvindan Dolayi Memurine Teblig Olunacak Talimatname," (Istanbul, 1915).
(Osmanli Devleti, Harbiye Nezareti); "Islam Ahalinin Ducar Olduklari
Mezalim Hakkinda Vesaike Mustenid Malumat," (Istanbul, 1919).
----; (IV. Ordu) "Aliye Divan-i Harbi Orfisinde Tedkik Olunan Mesele-yi
Siyasiye Hakkinda Izahat," (Istanbul, 1916).
Turkozu, H. K. (ed.); "Osmanli ve Sovyet Belgeleriyle Ermeni Mezalimi,"
(Ankara, 1982).
----; "Turkiye Buyuk Millet Meclisi Gizli Celse Zabitlari," (Ankara, 1985),
4 vols.

And Russia

Adamof, E. E. (ed.); "Sovyet Devlet Arsivi Belgeleriyle Anadolu'nun 
Taksimi Plani," (tran. H. Rahmi, ed. H. Mutlucag), (Istanbul, 1972).

Altinay, A. R.; "Iki Komite - Iki Kital," (Istanbul, 1919).
----; "Kafkas Yollarinda Hatiralar ve Tahassusler," (Istanbul, 1919).
----; "Turkiye'de Katolik Propagandasi," Turk tarihi Encumeni Mecmuasi,
V. XIV/82-5 (Sept. 1924).
Asaf Muammer; "Harb ve Mesulleri," (Istanbul, 1918).
Akboy, C.; "Birinci Dunya Harbinde Turk Harbi, V. I: Osmanli Imparatorlugu'nun
Siyasi ve Askeri Hazirliklari ve Harbe Girisi," (Gn. Kur., Ankara, 1970).
Akgun, S.; "General Harbord'un Anadolu Gezisi ve (Ermeni Meselesi'ne Dair)
Raporu: Kurtulus Savasi Baslangicinda," (Istanbul, 1981).
Akin, I.; "Turk Devrim Tarihi," (Istanbul, 1983).
Aksin, S.; "Jon Turkler ve Ittihad ve Terakki," (Istanbul, 1976).
Basar, Z. (ed.);"Ermenilerden Gorduklerimiz," (Ankara, 1974).
----; "Ermeniler Hakkinda Makaleler - Derlemeler," (Ankara, 1978).
Belen, F.; "Birinci Dunya Harbinde Turk Harbi," (Ankara, 1964).
Deliorman, A.; "Turklere Karsi Ermeni Komitecileri," (Istanbul, 1980).
Ege, N. N. (ed.); "Prens Sabahaddin: Hayati ve Ilmi Mudafaalari,"
(Istanbul, 1977).
Ercikan, A.; "Ermenilerin Bizans ve Osmanli Imparatorluklarindaki Rolleri,"
(Ankara, 1949).
Gurun, K.; 'Ermeni Sorunu yahut bir sorun nasil yaratilir?', "Turk Tarihinde
Ermeniler Sempozyumu," (Izmir, 1983).
Hocaoglu, M.; "Arsiv Vesikalariyla Tarihte Ermeni Mezalimi ve Ermeniler,"
(Istanbul, 1976).
Karal, E. S.; "Osmanli Tarihi," V. V (1983, 4th ed.); V. VI (1976, 2nd ed.);
V. VII (1977, 2nd ed.); V. VIII (1983, 2nd ed.) Ankara.
Kurat, Y. T.; "Osmanli Imparatorlugu'nun Paylasilmasi," (Ankara, 1976).
Orel, S./S. Yuca; "Ermenilerce Talat Pasa'ya Atfedilen Telgraflarin
Icyuzu," (Ankara, 1983). [Also in English translation.]
Ahmad, F.; "The Young Turks: The Committee of Union and Progress in
Turkish Politics," (Oxford, 1969).

Need I go on?

Customer: (Now totally convinced this person belongs in a cage) Oh, yes, quite
          adequate. I wish to take it for a test drive, because I noticed that
          most all of what you provided has nothing at all to do with the
          subject at hand! This is an 1990 model, what is all this earlier
          documentation?

Revisionist: You mean ...

Customer: Yes, I want to refute your claims !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Revisionist: I will show you Mr. *, Oh sorry, sir, it's a holdover from my
             previous job at the Turkish Historical Society. I will have to
             come with you on the test drive, I must insist!

Customer: OK, I will drive it down to meet my brother at the Ikinci Sube 
          station.

Revisionist: OOOOOOooooooooo, the Ikinci Sube, the nasty guys. Is that the
             place that says on the entrance, "Past these doors there is no
             Allah".

Customer: Yup! So they get into the car and drive off.


Scene IV: As the customer drives toward the Ikinci Sube building, a person
          who looks like the customer's brother is standing in front.

Customer: Ah, there he is. I would like you to meet him. He has a funny nick-
          name, it's sikim seni! 

Revisionist: What kind of nick-name is that? It is really bad? I know nobody 
             with such a nasty and insulting name? If anybody called me that
             I would think he is either nuts or a terrorist!

Customer: Oh, it's OK, he knows it's a joke...and in fact, if you call him
          that he will think you are his friend, which is good because if
          if was not for him, I could never afford to own this fine auto.

Revisionist: Hey, I told you this car is an Armenian trick (and he starts up
             ranting and raving about the car is an Armenian trick that has
             killed millions, as they stop in front of the station).

Customer: Go ahead, call my brother!

Revisionist: Damn Armenian car, Vay Sikim Seni, these killers...etc., etc.
             Hey...S I K I M  S E N I ....!!! Hello, Hel............. 

The Political Police grab the Revisionist, as he is screaming about some
File Drawer, killer Armenian cars, and take him away -- never to be heard
from again.

Customer drives off with his new BMW thinking, what pack of servile dolt lair
revisionists!
 

-- 
David Davidian <dbd@urartu.sdpa.org>  |  "The Regular Army of the Ottomans was 
SDPA Center for Regional Studies      |   entirely innocent of the Armenian 
P.O. Box 382761                       |   massacres." - Inspector General of 
Cambridge, MA 02238                   |   the Turkish forces in Armenia, WWI 
Newsgroups: soc.culture.turkish