From: regan1016@bestsd.sdsu.edu (T. ELIZABETH HARVEY)
Subject: Re: romance = sex ?
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1  
Organization: San Diego State University - Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1992 20:04:00 GMT

In the following article, jlewis@astro.as.arizona.edu (Jeff Lewis) writes:
>greetings..being new to this group I hope that
>I am not seeking advice on a topic that has been
>beaten to death before...but here goes...
> 
>after the abrupt ending of a relationship that lasted
>several years, I was content with the fact that
>life was going on, and it was just me and my work.
> 
>Then just recently, quite by accident,  met someone
>who I cannot stop thinking about..we met due to my
>trying to set up an automated email system that..well
>just dumped stuff to all the wrong people..
> 
>We sent mail back and forth for several days...and I found
>that this person I had never met was fasinating..I could
>not wait for the next email message from her.  I would rush
>home to check my mail..and feel like everything was wonderful
>when I heard from her...
> 
>We decided to met...and when we did..I realized that this
>women was without a doubt the most beautiful, intelligent,
>I had ever met....And I fell hard...
> 
>We talked and saw each other almost every day for a couple of
>weeks...and I only fell more and more in love..
First of all, congratulations on meeting such a wonderful person that you 
can bond with in such a way ...

>Thats when things went horribly wrong...I had to start dealing
>with questions from my friends about my sex life...and I had
>to start dealing with it myself...I maintain that romance does
>not imply sex...and it seems most people I know think just
>the opposite...arguments ensued..
Let me make sure I have this straight: your friends think you should bed 
her, ASAP ... but, this isn't your friends' relationship(s), it's yours.

>I talked to my new would be girlfriend about how I felt..and now
>I am wondering if she thinks I don't find her physically attractive.
>Which is about the furthest thing from the truth as you can get.
> 
>Its just that I like being in love..the warm feeling inside I get when
>I am in the same room with her..the thrill I get out of sharing 
>my feelings and thoughts and opinions with her and hearing hers.
> 
>I get upset and worried when she is upset about something and feel
>helpless sometimes when I can't help her sort things out.
> 
>And now I am away from her for 3 weeks while I do research...and I 
>know it will be the longest three weeks of my life...
Yes, it will but you'll survive.  Don't put off calling her, that will 
help.

>I guess what I am getting at is ... why am I getting all this input
>from people about how I should WANT to jump into bed this woman and
>there is probably something fundamentally worng with the relationship
>if I don't...and she will give me the 'Lets just be Friends` if I
>don't make a move toward the bedroom...
> 
>AM I missing something  here...is romance that much of a alien concept
>theses days?
Personally, I think you're on the ball ... you want to put off having 
sexual intercourse until you feel you're *both* ready ... that's perfectly 
fine.  Don't let your friends talk you into something you don't want yet or 
aren't ready to do at this time.  As I see it, your only problem is finding 
out how *she* feels about it.  And the best solution to that problem is to 
simply *ask* her ... (No, I don't mean be blunt about it.  But do be to the 
point ...)  She may be utterly relieved because she feels the same way.  Or 
she may not want to wait, but will not press you out of her love and 
respect for you.  Or, she may just drop you, but if she does, well now, 
that's not a wonderful thing that a wonderful woman would do ...

>Jeff - the bewildered
I think once you clear the air with her, you can present a solid front to 
your friends ... besides, it's not really their concern who you sleep with 
and when, as long as you are healthy and happy.  I hope this helps.  Take 
care.

>jlewis@astro.as.arizona.edu if Jeff L. Lewis
>"Genius waits for none."
>"But stupidity hammers on a deserted building."

---<--<-{@ | "I believe that before all else, I am a reasonable human being,
Elizabeth  | just as you are -- or, at all events, that I must try and 
	   | become one." _A Doll's House_, Henrik Ibsen
Newsgroups: alt.romance