Newsgroups: bit.listserv.deaf-l
Date:         Fri, 6 Nov 1992 11:52:33 EST
From:         "Joseph P. Riolo" <riolo@COR4.PICA.ARMY.MIL>
Subject: Re: Desired deafness in offspring

Hello, Mark...

      I asked similar question several months, during June, I think.  The
best answer I received at that time was the motivation to have same identity
throughout the family.  You might have heard many times which gender parents
want for their children; mothers want girls and fathers want boys.  The
reason is simply that a parent will be able to obtain same identity from
his/her children who have same gender as the parent.  I myself do not want
all of my children to be boys but rather want to have a mixture of boys and
girls.  The reason is still the identity.  I myself am not 100% masculine
but certainly am at least 50% masculine and less than 50% feminine.  With
the boys, we are able to relate our masculine characteristics.  With the
girls, feminine characteristics.  This does not mean that I refuse to relate
my feminine characteristics with my boys for it can happen but not as often
as the masculine side.  That is where my wife fills in.

     Philosophical talking, is it?  If I bored you with it, sorry about it
but that is how I live.  Let's go back a step.  We may ask ourselves why
we want to have children.  We can think of many reasons but let me focus
on one reason:  To pass down generations our philosophy - to pass down our
ideas, our values, our history/life story, etc.

     Certainly, we can think of different ways to pass down our philosophy.
However, nothing can imitate the relationship between parents and their
children (of the same blood).  Question is:  What makes that work?  The
answer is same identity.

     Suppose you are thinking of adopting a child, at a point in the process
of making decision, you will inevitably have to question yourself how
much same identity you want from a child that you want to adopt.  Do you
want this child to be boy or girl?  Do you want this child to have same race
as yours?  For some people, identity has no importance and thus is eliminated
from the process of making decision.  For some people, identity has some amount
of weight.

     But, you may say deafness is a physical defect and it is not like gender
and race and many other traits which are not physical defect.  Why, you
may ask, do some deaf couples want their children to have physical defect
which is deafness?  Let me emphasize that a lot of deaf couples would not
like children to have any more physical defect other than deafness.  Why,
you may ask, just this deafness, not other physical defects?  Of course, all
(or almost all or most) of deaf people recognize that deafness is a physical
defect.  We do not deny it.  It is a medical fact that can be proved easily
with scientific research and test.

     Yet, we do not dwell on the notion of deafness as a physical defect at
all the times.  We do not breathe it at all the times.  We do not sleep
on it.  We do not eat it.  We do not sing it.  Certainly, we thought of it
once in a while but that is just a bit of information somewhere in our
brains.  What are we doing with it?  Of course, we keep it in our brains
for future medical situations.  But, we see deafness in different light.
We recognize deafness as a characteristic of each of us just like other parts
of our bodies.  In other words, what you think of color of hair, eyes,
skin, stature, gender, etc., do likewise for deafness.

     All of this different view on deafness is made possible by the existence
of American Sign Language and the values you can find in Deaf Culture.
Both ASL and values trivializes the view of deafness as physical defect.
They do not suppress it but just do not pay attention to this view.  This
is not true for sign language that is based on English language like Signed
Exact English (SEE) - that is my theory but I am not going to discuss on
this point.  To some, ASL is a blessing from above.  With ASL and values,
we find our lives more fulfilling and meaningful.  As a result, we
treasure ASL and values - in a more general term, philosophy.

     Notice that ASL and values necessitates the existence of physical
defect which is deafness.  Without deafness, ASL and values will not
exist.

     It is just natural for deaf couples to desire children to share
same philosophy of living.  I said "natural" because I do not think that
a lot of deaf couples are militant or too conscious enough to force
children to accept and do the same philosophy.  It is just the way
how they live and breathe and it is just like any parent, hearing or
deaf, to desire children to share same philosophy of living.  How
can this be done?  One of ways is to have deaf children.  Because
deaf children come with same identity, it is the best way to pass
down ASL and values.  This is not to say that deaf children will
come with guarantee.  It is possible that deaf children will reject
their parents' philosophy.  Also, this is not to say that we
can not pass down ASL and values to hearing children as we can see
from many hearing children of deaf parents.  It is just that
deaf children have more stronger identity than hearing children.

     It is my theory that without ASL and values in Deaf Culture, most or
all of deaf couples would not want any deaf child.

     When I found out that my first son is deaf, I was a little
disappointed but had to accept the fact.  After my second son was born,
I found that he is more likely deaf also.  My reaction?  Again, I was a
little disappointed.  The reason for being disappointed is that I do not
want any of my children to have physical defect, even though I am deaf.
At these times, I am not well immersed in ASL and values.  Thanks to
them, I am rediscovering the importance of ASL and values that I
changed my mind and will be very happy to have any more deaf child if
I have chance.  Or, even adopting them.  This is not to say that
I do not want any hearing children.  Instead, I would like to have
a mixture of deaf and hearing children, instead of all deaf or all
hearing children.  (My wife is also deaf if that matters to you.)

     Mark, I know that this is long but at least, you have my view.
If you want one sentence, here is it:  Deaf couples will like to
have same identity from their children and deaf children have
more chance than hearing children to fulfill the need of identity.

                                        Joseph P. Riolo
                                        <riolo@pica.army.mil>
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