HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: gcook@horus.cem.msu.EDU (Greg Cook|xxxxxx)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Suicide is a right, but .....
Date: 21 Jan 93 13:40:04 GMT
Organization: Michigan State University
NNTP-Posting-Host: horus.cem.msu.edu

From article <C15xDn.FoM@twwells.com>, by anon-1511@twwells.com (mouse):
> thanks, Greg Cook, for your kind reply to my post
> on suicide.
> 
> i'm not able to reply anonomously unless i use e-mail,
> but i was Katelyn
> and now am mouse
> 
> i don't believe i am suicidal. but part of me needs to
> know that if things ever got too bad i don't
> have to take it

I believe suicide is every individuals personal right.  But the decision
to take one's life has to be arrived at RATIONALLY and with a great
deal of thought.  It must be completely and utterly a last resort.

I have had discussions with my friend who committed suicide about these
topics.  She once said, "I should have the right to do anything to 
myself that doesn't hurt anyone else."

I agree with this concept.  The problem is, suicide DOES hurt other 
people, and that has to be taken into account when someone wants to 
commit suicide.

Many people, of course, commit suicide at at time of great emotional
upheaval and are not rational about it.  That is what is soooo sad.


     Gregory R. Cook         |  INTERNET:    gcook@horus.cem.msu.edu
 Department of Chemistry     |               cookgreg@student.msu.edu
Michigan State University    |  BITNET:      cook@msucem.BITNET
 East Lansing, MI  48824     |  COMPUSERVE:  74170,3010
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Many things
Date: 26 Jan 93 21:27:12 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: stein.u.washington.edu

krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'Krikket' Krick) writes:

>        Cloister,  What's the word on putting the post on ritual abuse and
>survivors in the FAQ?

if you're referring to that wonderful post aimed towards skeptics, that's in
there.  if you're referring to something else, well, i don't know.  :)
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: erc@Apple.COM (Ed Carp)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Many things
Date: 27 Jan 93 22:53:15 GMT
Organization: Bleeding Edge Technologies - 'Sliding Down The Razor Blade Of Life...'


If you don't know what magick is, hit 'n' now...

If you're not careful, putting up "shielding spheres" can shield *completely*.
Look for the thread to the person, and follow that back to them.  If you're
careful, and observant, you can tell what's going on, and who's lying to whom.
Also, don't discount the possibility of false alarms just to plant stickers
in you.  I've seen it happen.  Be careful - and always obey the threefold law!
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG                    erc@apple.com                   801/538-0177

"It is your resistance to 'what is' that causes your suffering."     -- Buddha
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: yes but
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 15:08:12 GMT

In article <C18Cv6.2nx@twwells.com> anon-1394@twwells.com (darkangel) writes:
[...]

>anyway *i'm* not strong enough to post normally
                                        ^^^^^^^^

Normally?  Here's a thought about "normally".  It's from "norma", the Latin
for a carpenter's square, and it has two opposites. One is "abnormal", but
the other is "enormous"! "Enormous" means "outside the square"--sounds
pretty good to me.

If you want to post enormously, it's all right with me. 

>and yes there are times i want(ed) to (and almost did)
>just because i'm sick of hiding and want to be absolutely honest
>but i just can't do it

That's cool--forcing yourself to do things that you hate might be a 
repetition of abuse.

>too much shame too much hurt too much ugliness tainting me
>sometimes there is comfort in being faceless (well you know what i mean)
>
Comfort is good stuff.

>who knows what will be next?
>on the other hand i might as well get used to it
>sooner or later there will be no choice
>(but that's my problem..i'll jump off that bridge when i get to it)
>
Exactly.

Also, I may be mistaken, but I think that all the people who've been
posting about how wonderful it is to post under your own name have been
people who never posted anonymously, and who presumably don't have a 
feeling for the reasons that anyone would post anonymously.

>maybe eventually
>but for now i'm just
>darkangel
>
And just as an indication of that different things are difficult for 
different people, I'd like to say that one of the reasons I haven't
been posting anonymously is that I haven't been able to get myself to
figure out how. 

And also that it took more nerve than I had to post under the name of
my archetype.

Dragon

P.S. The information about "normal" is from R.A.Lafferty's _Fourth Mansions_.
It's a pretty good novel.
From: anon-1317@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: never learn
Date: 28 Jan 93 19:13:19 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


 this is not a good day
 
**spoiler-- bad language and rages























i never learn-  i keep letting men fuck me and use me and treat
me like trash-- i keep listening to them tell me they care about
me and how they are really turned on by me-- and i make myself 
believe this means they care-- when all it means is they want to
fuck, fuck, fuck-- and they find someone whom they like and then
tell me-- well, sorry--

i am not an ugly woman-- actually as for as looks go i am quite
pretty--  but the only thing i seem to be good for is sex--nothing
more not a damn thing more -- i could fucking slit my throat for all
of the men who have fucked me and fucked me care-- i could lie there
at their feet and they would just complain because i made a fucking
mess and what a big deal i made out of things

and right now even my "friends" - women don't seem to really be friend
not really- i could fucking disappear from the fucking earth and what
would it matter-- as a matter of fact-- my children and grandson
would be better off-- what do they need with someone who has no worth
except to be fucked again and again over and over



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From: h234_035@ccvax.ucd.ie
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: [BOB] and Brian O'Byrne
Date: 22 Jan 93 17:31:06 GMT
Organization: University College Dublin

Hi there people, [BOB] here.

[BOB] wants to explain a few things.

You see, my name is Brian O'Byrne (pronounced BREE-AN), a good solid Irish
name.
[BOB] is a small part of Brian.
[BOB] started out as being just an alias, but since then Brian has transferred
many personality traits accross to this fictitous [BOB]
[BOB] has come to signify both my protector and my child.
[BOB] is the only part of Brian that can safely feel emotions.
[BOB] goes ahead of Brian looking for pitfalls before I have to fall into them.
Thus he is my protector.
[BOB] also feels all the emotions associated with a hurt child, all that fear
and anger and sadness, as well as the joy and love of a happy child, sometimes.
Thus he is my child.
I believe that when Brian learns to love and accept [BOB], much as you have
accepted him, then his healing will be complete.
From this time on I suspect that some of my posts to asar will be from Brian,
and some from [BOB].
It will be interesting to see the different tones those two sides of me will
use.
On this I am in agreement with myself.

As for my feelings towards [BOB], I believe I love me, but I also fear, hate,
and despise [BOB].
I fear him because he is all that I do not understand, that part of me which is
unexplored territory.
The hatred is just an extension of this fear.

[BOB] is a good kid, and I thank you for your warm reception of him.
That you care means a lot to me.
I dont think Brian could have acknowledged his existence on this group if [BOB]
had not been warmly received.

BTW: Despite how this post may sound, I am not willing to entertain suggestions 
that I may be a multiple. [BOB] and Brian are the same person, and I am the
only one among the people I meet who recognises [BOB]. I have no memory
blackouts, and I do _NOT_ consider myself a mutilple. Tito take note.

Thank you all for listening, and please respond.

Thanks again
[BOB]
(and Brian)

PS. Please note that I cannot receive private e-mail at this address, so all
replies to me must be posted publicly.
From: anon-1511@twwells.com (mouse)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: to Eric Middlecamp
Date: 22 Jan 93 17:32:31 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Eric, i was Katelyn
i'm glad you liked my post
it was just writing pain
but if it you think it reads well
so be it
if you think it would speak to readers of
your campus women's mag you may submit it

thank you
mouse



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Question
Date: 28 Jan 1993 21:35:00 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: stein.u.washington.edu

karen@invincible.bsd.uchicago.edu (& Brilmyer) writes:

>I would like to know where the "fine line" is between sexual curiosity and  
>sexual abuse lie....  I am having a hard time figuring out where one ends  
>and one begins.  Is it that if siblings are involved it is sexual  
>abuse.... such as fondling?  Sexual Curiosity if it is with friends...  
>like playing doctor?  Sexual curiosity if young... say prior to ten?   
>Sexual abuse if in teens?

>I have continued to struggle with this aspect and would appreciate  
>feedback to try to get this resolved.  

>Thanks for any help that can be supplied in advance.

the relationship between the parties involved is almost wholly irrelevant.
what's important is the level of consent.  brother and sister, or friend and
friend, abuse is there if one of the parties has not consented to the
experimentation and does not feel like they have (or really doesn't have)
enough power in the relationship to say no to the experimentation.  that's why
you're having a hard time defining what is and is not abuse, because you're
trying to qualify it in the wrong terms.  in general, it's abuse if it *feels*
wrong or abusive (or harmful, etc) to the person(s) in question.  this is the
source of that common saying "if you feel like you were abused, you were."

if you're trying to come up with guidelines for your own behavior, err on the
side of extreme caution.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: ***SAD STUFF SPOILERS***
Date: 21 Jan 1993 21:18:51 GMT
Organization: Gustavus Adolphus College
NNTP-Posting-Host: chipotle.gac.edu

In article <C140nn.5t2@twwells.com> anon-1511@twwells.com (Katelyn) writes:
>...
>he doesn't want _me_. ...
>...

You know, that was an amazingly good post.
I think I like it because you are so clear on your issues,
whether you think so or not. You really cut to the bone. I
think you should keep that post as a poem, titled "he doesn't
want _me_". Can I say all this without sounding impersonal,
unemotional, and cold? I hope so, because I really respect
what you had to say, your decisions, and your experience. I
think I would like permission to submit this as a story or
poem to our campus' monthy women's "publication." (For lack
of a better word.. It is composed of similar articles..)
I really think this could do good for people. 

Eric Middlecamp
emiddlec@ancho.gac.edu
From: rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: hasty words
Date: 22 Jan 93 20:56:42 GMT
Organization: UB


	I've been shooting my mouth off lately.  I've been wrong 
at least twice.

	1)	I've damn cavalier about not having any secrecy,
possibly because I trusted a person not to tell certain other folks.
My confidant decided that the responsibility was too great and told.
And then she told me that she had told.  Then I repressed her saying 
so for a few months, intentionally misunderstanding.  

	As it happened, it didn't matter, because the folks I told it
too are even better at lying to themselves than I am!  At least one 
of them is.  

	So I was deprived and betrayed ... possibly leading to me
resenting other people for having secrecy that I don't.

	2)	I replied, by email, that one of my posts could not
possibly have been considered humorous -- then I checked the post
and saw that the one that had been referred to was not only
satirical, but downright caustic and mean-spirited.  Sorry to whomever
sent me the complaint -- 


	--but--

	{Geez, this guy always has to contradict himself every other line}

	[don't blame him, he's a Gemini]

	(he?  You hang out in my skull and I don't even get
	the first person?  How's that for gratitude!)

	[he's touchy, too...]

	---BUT-- as I was saying when so rudely interrupted by a comedic
device that's being strained to its utmost limits --

	Pain is a laughing matter, and all of my laughter has pain.
Possibly all laughter everywhere has pain in it somewhere.  When I
write a nasty satiric piece, it should make you laugh ... but it
should make you think.

	What that nasty satiric piece was about was dignity.  Dignity is
dangerous.  Especially for depressed folks.  Judging from my less-than-
omniscient-experience, the more dignified you are, the more capable 
you are of hurting yourself.  Laughter is a sign of life, which is why
you should always laugh when you are in pain.  

	{*and* it's a good cheap endorphin rush...}

	[pages of self-indulgent three-voice schtick deleted]

	Maybe an absurdly funny person is no longer worth something as
melodramatic and over-dignified as suicide.  The sensation I get when
a suicidal impulse sizzles on my Beacon of Coleslaw,

[aka bullshit detector for the vulgarians present]

 like a venomous
insect frying on a bug-zapper,       
	is a sense like you get when you see a way to fudge data that
is indistinguishable from actual results done with bad lab technique.

	I *could* fudge the data, I *could* cop out, but I don't.  The
process of fudging is just too damn silly.

E-Shrugs to all who are plotting my sanguinary demise
Rick
From: anon-1394@twwells.com (darkangel)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: ashley
Date: 26 Jan 93 17:31:37 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

i'll listen...


darkangel
anon-1394@twwells.com
an1414@anon.penet.fi



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aakin@lonestar.utsa.edu (Ashley T. Akin)
Subject: HELP!
Organization: University of Texas at San Antonio
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 10:03:57 GMT

I'm not sure what to say....All I know, is that I'm HURTING...I'm filling with
pain and anger inside. SOMEONE, PLEASE HELP ME! I feel like I'm DYING from all
of the memories, all of the experiences, all the shit that I've been through..
I feel like that I'm drowning in my own pain! IS ANYONE THERE?!?!? DOES ANYONE
GIVE A SHIT?!?!? Someone..please talk to me! I can't stand this anymore! All
I know is pain...And, something inside tells me that I didn't deserve it...
Regardless of what others say. I have been molested and abused by my parents,
raped and beaten by boyfriends....Is there really such a thing as love? Or God?
I am sooo tired......someone..PLEASE write to me. I'm so confused...and scared
...and angry....tears are coming out of my eyes as I type this. I don't want
pity...I just want someone to truly care about me as an individual. Someone
to listen to what I have to say. Someone who will BELIEVE WHAT I TELL THEM.
I feel like I'm losing my mind...Help me...Please?

p.s. my name is Ashley Taylor Akin. My address is:
15801 Chase Hill, #623
San Antonio, TX 78256

my phone number is: (210) 699-9055. I'm desperate...Help me.
From: anon-1296@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: yeah right
Date: 23 Jan 93 22:00:51 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


yeah right happy holidays and merry christmas and happy new year
sure thing..i just LOVED being home, they all just care so goddamned
much there.
Jasmyne (despite what someone thinks) made a BIG mistake and told
shitshitshitshitshitshit
not a good idea in the long run, no it wasnt

Maybe i'll tell
Maybe not


I'm Back

Jasmyne



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From: anon-1515@twwells.com (Aardvark)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: FMS, PAX, Relkie-foxholes, FEAR NO
Date: 25 Jan 93 07:52:11 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

>Richard M. Romanowski (rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu) wrote:

>: 	You are strong enough, right now, to blow off your anon-address,
>: to post from your regular account.  You are strong enough to tell anybody
>: who might be interested that you are a survivor, but you frankly don't
>: give a good God damn who knows or doesn't know.  You are strong enough,
>: all by yourself.

Well, I'm strong and I will never let myself be abused again...but I 
prefer to keep my pseudonym for now.  Actually, it's a dead giveaway 
for anyone who already knows me, since aardvarks have been my mascot 
for several years now.    It took a certain amount of bravery to use 
it.  (though not as much as the strength it takes to resist making bad 
puns like, what aard vark healing is sometimes...ok maybe I'm not so 
strong after all)

aardvark

PS to Poohbear: Even though you think you're not strong enough, I think 
you're stronger than you realize.  Your words have a strength and a 
grace all their own.  ehugs if you want 'em, if not pass them on...





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From: llclark@hubcap.clemson.edu (Lisa Louise Clark)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Hello. I am new to this group.
Keywords: new
Date: 28 Jan 93 14:58:25 GMT
Distribution: alt
Organization: Clemson University




******* My Story ******* Might be sad ********************************
 
 
 
                 B
 








 
 
Hello,
I am the person that wrote the poetry entitled 'Is Anywhere Safe?' and 'Touch   Not for I Fear'. I read the poems that I saw on here, and I felt I had to contribute. Sometimes it gets hard to go about the normal day, I have these reacurring depression times...The Psychologist hasn't been able to work to through it. Of course it might be because I didn't tell him, that I have been having depressive spells.
     It all started this summer, when I was watching...a soap opera. (Santa Barbra to be exact) There is a character on there called B.J. (rather I should say was, cause the show was canceled) She is about 20 years old, the same age as me. In the show, she was reintroduced to the man that abused her as a child. When I first saw that she was abused, it hit a nerve in me. When she was describing it, it hit even harder. And all these memories started to flood back. Where had they been? Little by little, they 




came back, different things would trigger different memories. Then school started back up. In English, we were reading about Pornography, and I couldn't pull myself together to read it. I almost snapped. It was then that I finally told someone. I just knew that everyone would hate me, or call me a whore.
     I was so scared. I wrote my friends the poems on the computer. I couldn't even tell them face to face. I almost killed myself when I saw that they had read it. I couldn't bear it if they had hated me. They are all I have, and I need them. They all felt remorse for what I went through, and I had a good cry. But now even though it is a semester later, I feel it working up inside of me, ready to burst...I want to cry, I want to scream. I want to pound my fist into a wall...I want to forget again. 
                                  Wolf