From: ewhac@ntg.com (Leo 'Bols Ewhac' Schwab)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: How The Other 90% Lives
Date: 21 Dec 92 20:00:02 GMT
Organization: Politically Incorrect Software, Ltd.


	A few days ago, someone asked about the Oracularities you don't see;
the ones rejected by the Priesthood.  I thought it might be enlightening to
show you some of the ones I typically reject.  So I've culled a few that
ordinarily would succumb to the 'd' key, and included them below.  My
comments, where present, are in square brackets.

	As you will see, you're not really missing a lot.

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Leo L. Schwab -- The Guy in The Cape                    ewhac@ntg.com
 \_ -_          Recumbent Bikes:                ..or..  ewhac@well.sf.ca.us
O----^o       The Only Way To Fly.                     (pronounced "EH-wack")
         "Because you never know who might want to sit in your lap."

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[ This question shows some promise, but it alone isn't enough.  The querant
should probably try again. ]

Date: Wed, 9 Dec 1992 17:33:16 -0500

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> This is a test of the Null-Query Generating System.
> If this had been a real Null Query, there would have been nothing here.
> This is only a test.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}

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[ Bad taste (pun not intended). ]

Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 05:22:19 -0500

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> What would you do if I melted into a puddle of pink liquid?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Most probably I would, curious as I am, taste it and the throw up.
}
} You owe the Oracle a paper bag.

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[ No humor I could find. ]

Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 12:13:08 -0500

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> finger jgm@cs.brown.edu

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} finger oracle@delphi.heaven.olympus
}
} You owe the Oracle three more fingers.

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[ No humor content.  Equivocation would have been a funnier response:
"Because you got in line before them.  Geez." ]

Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 21:47:01 -0500

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> 	Oh all-seeing oralce, eminator of that most foul stench which
> wilteth the flowers and scareth the children, who sees all, yet tells
> little, who strikes morals down with REAL BIG axes, please answer my
> pitiful question.
>
> Why are they AFTER ME????

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It's simple, really:
} 	You're stupid enough to insult the Oracle. I've been *very*
} 	tolerant with no grovels lately, but insults are another
} 	thing.

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Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 12:27:48 -0500

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> O magnificent & wise one,
>
> Know a good mail-order source for inflatable rubber woman-shaped dolls?
> I have given up trying to find a real woman who will put up with me, and
> I think that it's time I bought one of those dolls.
>
> Lonesome

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'll ask around if you like !!

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[ Trigger-happy. ]

Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 17:12:20 -0500

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> 	Oh Oracle, I need your help. Is there any way that you know of
> 	to make a boring dull life exciting and new again?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Supplicant,
}
} 	Congratualations! The Omnipotent Oracle has decided to help
} you and you unfortunately borin and dull life.
}
} <ZOT>
}
} There..., now don't we feel better?
} Good luck with your next life...