From: larry@peak.psl.nmsu.edu (Evil Engineer doin' it the Cowboy Way)
Subject: Evil toy peeve
Organization: New Mexico State University, MetaPhysical Science Laboratory
Distribution: alt.peeves
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 01:01:22 GMT

Evil engineer's mighty brow got furrowed today when he went to the mall.
After getting the Farberware electric skillet that the CO wanted for her
anniversary present, I considered indulging myself in one of those new
Weather Channel calendars at B. Dalton's. Looking over the thing, I found
that it cost a whole $9.95 and had only two pictures of tornados. I was
kinda hoping for at least 12 pictures of tornados, so I decided to wait
until January 30 and get a leftover copy for a buck.

Anyway, as I "examined" the calendar (assimilated all written information 
off the display copy), I kept hearing this high pitched whistling sound. 
About 4 KHz perhaps, shifting to 8 KHz, but at 150 dB (ambient sound level
of a steam shovel, it resonated my brain. It reminded me of one of those 
electronic cash registers that bleep when it doesn't "like" the keys the 
operator is pressing. Piercing! Buuulleeeee!!! 

I found that this infernal sound is emitting from the toy shop directly
across from Dalton's, the source is one of those crummy Hong Kong toy
trains running on four feet of circular track. I walked closer to get the
full appreciation of the tooth drilling effect, which is now subsumed by
another electric miracle toy - an airplane with screaming jet engine. The
screaming jet has enough similarity in its piercing sound as to identify
it as the same "family" of Hong Kong toy (using the same sound chip as the
train and electronic cash register).

  Within seconds, I knew exactly what I had to do, and I had even spied my
  instrument - a pretty new aluminum baseball bat. God, these bats have a
  nice heft! I wonder where the "sweet spot" is? No Louisville Slugger
  brand on it to tell.. We'll soon find out. So, much to the start of a 
  young sales girl in the process of turning on more of these toys, my
  mighty arm swung the metal ball bat precisely into the path of the
  shrieking train. It shattered into a hundred pieces of plastic and
  batteries, and ceased its blinking and whistling! Aaahh! Much better.

  But I wasn't finished yet. The jet hung from a string, like a .. pinata!
  Another mighty blow that Baby Ruth would have admired and this plastic jet
  met its spectacular demise, with plastic shards flying clean into the 
  main counter area. AaaaaOooowwww! Like Bruce Lee I twirled the bat around,
  deftly tensing my firm body to attention, saluting the bat, and finally 
  smoothly returning it to its stand. Great bat!

"Excuse me," a lady asked me, and I moved out of the way so she and her
wide eyed little boy could get up closer to the little train and plane. 
This kid was so incredibly cute, he had popped my fantasy. There was no 
pretty aluminum ball bat after all - just an orange polyethelene bat 
with a large yellow nerf softball with it. Still in its shrink plastic 
package.

Peeve: no aluminum ball bats around when you really need one.

Oh well, it's getting to be a lot like Christmas now, ain't it?

  (..)
   ~~
L.
"Yeh, Buddy..            | larry@psl.nmsu.edu (Larry Cunningham)|  _~~_
 I've got your COMPUTER! | % Physical Science Laboratory        | (O)(-)
 Right HERE!!"           | New Mexico State University          |  /..\ 
 (computer THIS!)        | Las Cruces, New Mexico, USA 88003    |   <> 
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Disclaimer: Opinions expressed here are CORRECT, mine, and not PSLs or NMSUs..
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobomoty.