HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: zlsiida@fs1.mcc.ac.uk (dave budd)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Debt
Date: 8 Jan 93 14:38:49 GMT
Organization: Manchester Computing Centre

In article <16B4DE66B.EUCLID@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu> EUCLID@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu writes:

>Nowadays i think i could do it again without freaking like that, but items
>that are much bigger...like, say, a car...would certainly give me the same
>gut-churning fear response.  When i mangae to get cool and detatched about

I bought a brand new car.  Had some dosh, figured I might never be able to 
afford a brand new one again.

Two months later I failed to notice I was entering a junction and wrote it 
off.

This is how my life works - I get nice things and then screw up and lose them

Anyway, card game tomorrow, so must do some training for it.  See ya.

        Never believe an experiment until it is confirmed by theory 
    Dave Budd, MCC, Oxford Rd, Manchester, England    (44|0)61-275-6033
Organization: Arizona State University
Date: Thursday, 7 Jan 1993 10:37:36 MST
From: <IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET>jo
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: you win some, you lose some (kinda long)
 <1993Jan4.220939.14077@blaze.cs.jhu.edu>
 <hammett.726414089@sbsu1.aukuni.ac.nz>

telling people i'm a political rablle-rouser for a living works about
the same as admitting to being a computer programmer..... people's
eyes kind of glaze over, they nod at me mutely, and stagger off.
(and i heave my heavy sigh and move on to the next victim)

tell them you're a writer, just don't tell them what you're writing!
not a lie, just selective truth.
isn't that the way of the world anyhow?
j.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: machala@spdc.ti.com (King Mosher)
Subject: _My_ New Year's Eve
Organization: Texas Instruments
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 18:53:47 GMT

Well. Here's my New's Year's Eve. 
Got up at 8:00 a.m. (Geez, all these people getting up at 3 pm, what's
the deal?!)
Went to work.
Worked
Went home.
Ate
Had a few beers.
went to sleep.
Woke up next morning.
watched the ags get trounced by ND.
ack!
much like every other day.
in fact I think all my days are just reruns of the previous ones.
i need to put in a new tape. maybe I can rent someone else's.


--

     Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me.

Chuck Machala-Semiconductor Process and Design Center-Texas Instruments/Dallas
From: llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Debt
Date: 8 Jan 93 19:11:34 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

-=[SLS]=- (ssalter@silver.ucs.indiana.edu) wrote:

: Another thing I do is cook LOTS when I make something. I don't just
: make a pot of chili...I make a GIANT pot of chili. Think it may have
: something to do with a fear of "not having".

hmmm. the debt thread hadn't really touched a nerve (i get weird about
spending money, but after i've spent it i blow it off; i'll probably
find some more somewhere when i need it. payday's never more than two
weeks away, after all) until i read this.

a lot of my adolescence was spent with someone strictly controlling my
food intake and underfeeding me. then when i was at school the first
time, i miscalculated my student loan and ended up with only enough
money to pay for the 5-meal-a-week boarding plan. i was too screwed up
to hold a job (i barely managed classes) and too proud to ask for
help, so i lived on lunch monday-friday. weekends i fasted.

so when i finally did have a job and a husband and was able to buy
food, i overbought. my exspousoid didn't like to take me grocery
shopping because i'd buy a hundred dollars worth of food and a lot of
it would never get eaten. i just had to have it around me all the
time, had to *know* that if i wanted it it would be there.

i've gotten over that now, but it still can freak me a little bit if
i've not been paying attention to things like shopping and i realize
at midnight that i'm hungry and there's no food in the house.

--
sine | deb
and my parents weren't even born during the depression
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: despair@netcom.com (Scott Hanson)
Subject: Re: Lost that (!?!?!?!!) Feeling
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login: guest)
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 17:47:36 GMT

Another observer.  I suppose it had to happen.  Are there any others?
How many like V. Nabokov?
-- 
Scott Hanson		This has been a recording.
despair@netcom.com
From: rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: The eternal questions...
Date: 5 Jan 93 16:30:56 GMT
Organization: st.alfonso's pancake breakfast

In article <93004.162358IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET> IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET writes:
>crash and burn from the start has always been my motto too, rachel...
>
>i feel as if i owe it to them to be my rude and obnoxious twisted self
>right up front... they may as well know the truth right off, why
>trick them into thinking i'm a nice person?

hmm. yeah, although i tend to be more obscure and weird when i meet people..
men or women. then they have to ask a lot of questions to find out who i am 
and why i'm there. the angst lies in wondering whether i'm worth all the 
attention someone has to go through to get to know me. and if they don't 
bother, my doubts are confirmed.

bah.
--
		    -just give me what for,
	rachel perkins =  rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu
      coed naked internet grep! always keep your link up!
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: bucknerb@bnr.ca (Brent Buckner)
Subject: Re: Back To Work Angst
Organization: Bell-Northern Research, Ontario, Canada
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 22:26:35 GMT

In article <dsmither.726269830@cunews> dsmither@alfred.carleton.ca (Diane Smithers) writes:
>I am feeling better
>lately in this city I moved to (Ottawa, Canada) to begin this degree
>(that can only be referred to as the City That Fun Forgot), but

Unlike sunny tOOson and National Lab sites (as I've read),
Ottawa has the distinction of being close to Fun places.
I am sure that this makes it all the worse if you can't escape.
So close and yet so far (and all that).

-- 
at Bell-Northern Research
voice:        (613) 765-2739
Canada Post:  P.O. Box 3511, Station C, Ottawa, Canada, K1Y 4H7
I do not claim that BNR holds these views.  
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: dante@microsoft.com (throated plaid)
Subject: Re: Dorothy Parker
Date: 04 Jan 93 07:46:18 GMT
Organization: the velvet sweatshop

In article <1993Jan2.083443.751@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au> bena@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Ben Aveling) writes:
|s14442nb@UMASSD.EDU wrote:
|: In article <winkern.25.0@columbia.dsu.edu>, winkern@columbia.dsu.edu (NANCY MARIE WINKER) writes:>
|: > [ Amusing anti-male poem deleted, (sorry ) ]
|: OK, nice one.  I'm sorry, but your gross generalizations of men and male
|: emotions/maturity are WAY off base.  Quite a few of us are rather nice, and 
|: have the attention level greater than that of a fly.
|
|And quite a few of us are not nice, and have an attention level which
|seems to hover about the fly.  Sometimes almost as high as the neck. 
|Swings both ways, as do some of us. :-)
|
|Why worry about it ?
|
|        Ben A. ( bena@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au )

Men _are_ scum. Women too. I'm not worried about it.


Oh, and Ms. Parker was wrong about men not making passes at
girls who wear glasses. Quite wrong.

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu (have clue, will travel)
Subject: Re: you win some, you lose some (kinda long)
Reply-To: jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu
Organization: The Ghost Of Christmas Past Society
Distribution: usa 
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 19:14:54 GMT


I write:
>toj8j@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU (prufrock) writes:

>>(Of course, my ex here in Raleigh had to one-up me by deciding to MARRY the
>>guy she's been sleeping with for the past two months.  So much for pathos.) :)

>Ain't *that* fun to find out!  When MY old LDR told me that she had decided
>to get married, I was in shock for three days.  Total emotional death.

Actually, my first response was one of hysterical laughter, which doubled in
intensity when I realized it wasn't a joke.  I do feel bad about the situation,
as the girl in question is a classic rationalizer/denial expert who's using
hubby-to-be as an emotional crutch, but it's not for me to predict when their
"relationship" is going to creep up and bite her on the ass.

I'll save the "I Told You So"s for later.

>You can't fool ME, though, Jeff.  None of this has really happened--you're
>just one of those sadistic bastards from alt.romance.chat who likes to
>feed stuff here to make those of us mired in abstinence even more miserable
>than we already are, AREN'T you????
>(I can't decide whether or not to put a smiley after that.)

ALT.ROMANCE.CHAT?

*cocks a very LARGE rifle*

Them's fightin' words, son.  a.r.c. is a swampland of *HUG*s and dripping
tales of love from the insides of Hallmark cards.  I'd rather subscribe to
alt.sex.bestiality.hamster.duct-tape; the conversation's on a higher level.

WATCH it, buddy. ;)


--
     jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu    \\
              To KLH:          ---      Love ya, Katya!
                                  \\  have clue, will travel.
       ---------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: moscoso@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Innocuous Punch)
Subject: Re: Inaugural Angst
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 11:38:41 GMT

<JRUNNE@auvm.american.edu> writes:

>Hey, all.  Let me tell you MY gripe.  I just got screwed over not ONE, but
>TWO opportunities to engage in inaugural festivities down here in DC.
[...story of dumb-friend erased...]
>d.  Some fucking friends.  Next time remind me to write up a contract before
>giving him anything more than the time of day.

Now hold a second.  This is all over that thing [event] in Warshington?
well.. quickly because space is fierce ..here are my points:

	1)  Yes, said friend is an idiot.  Tell him so and save yourself
	    future troubles.
	2)  If your friend is screwy over something like an inaugural ball
	    or two, how do you expect him to hold up under WWIII?


>Thanks for listening, angstful Americans!!

I'm all ears ?
--
-ivan
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan)
Subject: Re: more depression
Organization: Johns Hopkins Computer Science Department, Baltimore, MD
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 21:13:21 GMT

callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan) writes:

>I'm really very non-suicidal.  Sometimes people think I might suicidal be when 
                                                               ^^^^^^^^^^^ 
This, by the way, is not horribly stilted prose, but the sort of typo that only
became possible with the introduction of modern technology--just in case
anyone wonders.  Please transpose the words.

--
"I would rather be torn to pieces by the poison-clawed cat, than to suffer one
instant of acceptance by the resident intellectuals of rec.arts.books." 
     [slightly modified; attribution left as an exercise to the reader]
              -- Paul Callahan, callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu --
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: bucknerb@bnr.ca (Brent Buckner)
Subject: Calvin and Hobbes on Life
Organization: Bell-Northern Research, Ontario, Canada
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 17:02:30 GMT

Hobbes:  This snowman doesn't look very happy.
Calvin:  He's not.
	 He knows it's just a matter of time before he melts.  The sun
	 ignores his entreaties.  He feels his existence is meaningless.
Hobbes:  Is it?
Calvin:  Nope.  He's about to buy a big screen TV.

-- 
at Bell-Northern Research
voice:        (613) 765-2739
Canada Post:  P.O. Box 3511, Station C, Ottawa, Canada, K1Y 4H7
I do not claim that BNR holds these views.  
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: despair@netcom.com (Scott Hanson)
Subject: Re: Back To Work Angst
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login: guest)
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 23:48:00 GMT

callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan) writes:
[possibly the worst scourge of man deleted]
>I feel like a leech on society, a 
>pathetic creature without a backbone.  Will I ever feel like getting back to 
>work?  Can I fake it?  I'm waiting... waiting for a transition, waiting 
>for the old academic drive to come back.  
>
>Right now, the grad student in me is manned by a skeleton crew.

I lost my drive for many things years ago.  It is coming back agonizingly
slowly.  I think an important part inside was broken.  There is something
dreadfully wrong with our civilization; worse still nobody seems to be
benefiting.  At least then one could be a martyr or rebel.  There is this
hideous, bloated, decaying corpse of society that has immense inertia and
taints everything.

On a more positive note, perhaps man's true nature is that of a tragic
hero.  Or, to be realistic, pathetic nonhero.  I think I am suffering,
but this may be the greatest possible expression of my nature.  I'm lucky.
-- 
Scott Hanson		This has been a recording.
despair@netcom.com
From: teik@gu.uwa.edu.au (Teik Oh)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: New Year's
Date: 9 Jan 1993 08:24:13 GMT
Organization: The University of Western Australia
NNTP-Posting-Host: mackerel.gu.uwa.edu.au

>well, after hearing about how great everyone's New Year's was, i just felt that
>i had to just jump in with my story...

>after 5 hours of sleep (which was the average amount of sleep i've gotten this
>entire winter break which really sucked cuz i had been planning to recover
>all the lost sleep from school), i had no energy to do anythihng that day 
>besides sit around the house, watch "little house on the prairie", "the love
>boat", "CHiPs", talk shows and courtroom shows and check email. a good friend
>comes over in the late afternoon and we just kinda hung around the house, 
>couch potato-ing it, waiting for the New Year's Eve celebration specials to 
>come on the tube. eventually they came on (but not before we got to see
>A Spinal Tap Reunion. :) ) and so we sorta stared blankly at the tv, changing 
>the channels manually cuz the remote was missing (and i don't know if you 
>folks out there know how fun it is to change channels on a tv designed for
>use with a remote control...). 

hey, that's all right david. I guess we belong to a minority spread thinly
around the world. Over here in blisteringly hot Western Australia (average
maximum these days around 35+ celsius) we're supposed to be on our long
vacation break although most students actually try to earn some money to
survive the study months. Anyway, I was working 15+ hours a day around the
silly season mostly spent in a hot kitchen and moonlighting mucking around
with DSPs and electric guitars and mostly getting by on Diet Coke (tm) 
_taste of a new generation_ (at least that's how they sell the crap over
here). Coke's actually quite good 'cos the caffeine is not at a sufficiently
high concentration to like make you sick but just enough to take the edge off
lethargy. Anyway, come New Year's Eve, I just ran out of energy. A party is
on somewhere and I am invited. I saw an old friend during the day whom I
haven't seen for ages. I fall asleep with a smile on my face.
People ask me - "had a good New Year's Eve". I answer 'yeah' - but I can't
explain it though.

Teik
From: brm@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Brian R. Murphy)
Subject: Re: My New Year's Eve
Organization: none
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 11:03:31 GMT

In article <B2i2wB5w165w@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca> pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe) writes:
	...
> Do you think that you're the only one who's ever been alone? Who's ever 
>been down? Who's ever had a depression New Year's? The trick isn't to 
>WALLOW in your angst -- alt.angst, to me, isn't a place for such 
>self-indulgence, but rather for a purging. Do you like your pain? Sure 
>sounds like it...and unless you want it to be your constant companion, 

Well, for me (though I'm not the original poster, I'd write a similar
story), I seem to enjoy wallowing in angst, or bad situations in
general.  Give me a death in my family (none, unfortunately) or a good
war or disaster or a failed or unfulfilled relationship or just
general loneliness or even an angstful realization of the
pointlessness of my own existence.  Why?  because no matter what the
external situation is, I still feel pain.  I can be distracted from it
for a time, perhaps even for a while, but as soon as the dust clears,
the climax is reached, the party ends or even is still for a moment, I
still feel it, deep inside.

Having a focus for it, any focus, any cause, makes me feel better.
That way I at least think I know why I hate life.

You might say "You're responsible for your pain, deal with it, do
something about it.  You don't have to be in a painful situation", but
the pain bas been an inseparable part of life for me.  I am the pain.
It was there before I existed as a conscious being.  It almost doesn't
make sense for it not to be there.

Actually, I still don't quite really believe that existence is
possible without it.  For years I wondered how everyone else was so
good at pretending to be happy, while I could never quite keep up the
sham for long.  I still almost believe they're just "unconscious" of
their fate, a different species, not like me.

Clinical depression?  Probably.  Curable?  Maybe.  But the problem is
deeper than just a failure to try to have fun, or a failure to purge
the ill humours.  For a long time I thought it was, that there was
some easy fix, some magic "happy" behavior I just wasn't getting
right.  I've come to realize that I have to recognize and deal with
the inside pain before the outside pain matters (as more than a mirror
to reveal what's inside).

>I'd suggest you try to deal with it before IT starts to deal with YOU.

I'd modify that to, deal with it now, since it's already dealing with
you.  But first, you have to figure out what IT is, and that may not
be easy at all.

					-Brian
From: ma_blase@csd.uwe.ac.uk (Fox)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Thanks all
Date: 8 Jan 93 00:50:27 GMT
Organization: University of the West of England, Bristol
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

Thanks all for a most amusing group.  I think I may
hang out here a bit more often now.  I haven't giggled so
much in ages.

Fox
-- 
 |\_/| F	  'It's either real or it's a dream,    
 \O O/ O   	   There's nothing that is in between'
  \o/  X	       	 	                Twilight  - ELO	
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: lemay@netcom.com (Laura Lemay)
Subject: Re: The eternal questions...
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login: guest)
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 19:30:26 GMT

In article <1992Dec30.043740.20723@linus.mitre.org> sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay) writes:
> Is there more to life than news?


Yup.  But in general, to make it *better* than news you have to work a lot
harder.  And you don't even get to see your name up on the top line when
you're done.


> Should I get this depressed when nobody sends me mail?

Yup.  Mail is proof that someone out there is thinking of you.  How else
are you going to get proof?  In the real life?  -- fah.

> Is this the ultimate example of a pathetic waste of protoplasm?

Yup.  But then again, so are most things.

> Should I get a life or just try and get a trade-in on the one I currently
> have?

Trade-in value is usually less than you could get if you sold it on the
open market.  Find someone more pathetic than you are and rip them off.
It'll make you feel better for a while.

Then you'll go shopping for a new life and discover that you get what you
pay for, and lives aren't cheap.

> Am I always going to be so alone despite being surrounded by friends of
> varying degrees?

Yup.  You're born alone, live alone, and die alone.  You can surround
yourself with people your whole life, but ain't no one gonna make you
less alone when its time to peel the big banana.

> Am I going to keep posting shit like this whenever I get down or depressed
> or am I actually going to fix myself?

Yup -

> ----never mind...don't answer that.....

Oh, ok.

-- 
*********************************************************
Laura Lemay                              lemay@netcom.com
writer of trifles in shadows and blood
*********************************************************

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: dante@microsoft.com (throated plaid)
Subject: Re: General Theory of Depression
Date: 10 Jan 93 07:58:14 GMT
Organization: the velvet sweatshop

tullfan@leland.Stanford.EDU (Richard Thompson) writes:
|one thread that caught my interest: the reason nice guys often finish last is
|because something about this society makes alot of women not comfortable in 
|a relationship unless there is some degree of emotional or even physical 
|abuse.  I know this to be true of women I've dated.  Something about nurturing
|and loving didn't appeal--maybe its the desire to have a macho destructive 
|male (after all that is the male image that is appreciated in our society).

I've certainly been in relationships with women who expected and even
wanted abuse. I believe this is because they received plenty of it
growing up and/or in other relationships and abuse was one of the
only certainties they could expect. I doubt I'd  know how to act 
if, after a lifetime of physical and sexual abuse, I was suddenly
thrust into a non-abusive relationship. 

ObAngst: Every woman I've ever had more than a superficial 
conversation with has related a tale of sexual abuse and/or
rape. I think the statistic "one in three women" is, unfortunately,
too low. Another "image appreciated in our society" would appear
to be that women are punching bags.

--
"They say you're crazy/cause you not crazy enough/
 to kneel when told to kneel." -Assata Shakur
From: adye@mail.boi.hp.com (Alan Dye)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Sexual Angst
Date: 7 Jan 93 17:53:18 GMT
Organization: Hewlett-Packard / Boise, Idaho
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1.4 PL6]


I recently aquired a new roommate.  He and I went to college together, and
upon his recent (Dec, 92) graduation, he moved in to my apartment.  

Last night, Scott (roommate) and I were discussing his significant other.
He indicated that he had a distinct preference for multiple occurences of
coitus in the course of an evening.  When I say multiple, I mean MULTIPLE!
He went so far as to say that, "a woman feels quite lucky if she can get
it many times in an evening."

(Trying very hard here to keep this clean, I know this is a family program...)

Going with the flow of the conversation, I enquired about the method (i.e.
quality) since it seemed that it was of little import.  His reply was that,
"quantity, not quality, is key."  To me this seemed a bit frantic, and I
must confess that I imaged, in my mind, pictures of various animals in 
rut.  To me, it seemed a wanton disregard of his partner's needs.

However, it did dredge up a few nasty questions in my head...

I've always felt that the 'objective' of intimate interaction is to see
that your partner is completely, and unquestionably, brought to intense
fulfillment.  My experience has been that this requires detailed attention
to parts other than strict genitalia.  This would include eyelids, neck, 
shoulders, breasts or chest, navel, thighs, feet, etc...  Touch, kissing,
etc...  Lots of time...  Quality, not quantity.  One exaustive occurence 
that lasts a couple of hours is preferable to multiple 'quickies.'

I can't say that I've experienced negative reviews, but still, my roommate's
assurance that I am wrong has got me puzzled and disturbed.  Now, I'm afraid
sex is going to be much more angstful than it was before.  Maybe I'll have
to change my method, or perhaps swear off sex altogether.

I also know that this is an iffy topic for and perhaps should have been
posted to alt.sexuality or alt.sexual.angst, but It's angst none-the-less,
and I've posted it here.

I invite your affirmation or condemnation.

Alan 'Oh God, am I putting this in the right spot?..." Dye



--
___________________________________________________________________________
Alan W. Dye   PHONE: (208) 323-6176        adye@hpbs2651.boi.hp.com
    
Software Applications Specialist           "Cleverness is its own reward."
Hewlett Packard Boise Site Operations  
Information Systems Group                  #include <disclaim.h>
Newsgroups: alt.angst