From: richh@tigger.jvnc.net (RICHH)
Subject: BECKY'S BIG DAY!
Followup-To: No
Originator: richh@tigger.jvnc.net
Keywords: Get A Life
Organization: JvNCnet, Princeton University, NJ
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 1992 02:03:00 GMT

<Becky begins her day in in alt.personals, where she writes:>
------------------
From: rrosenberg@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: my name is rebecca and i'm cute
Date: 11 Apr 92 00:04:01 GMT
Organization: Clark University
 
Hi!  I'm so excited.  See, I just got this computer thing under control.
I thoght, hmmm, I'll write a personal.  So, here I am.  Um, now what?
I should say something.  ho hum, what shall I say?  Well, what do you
want to know?     love, me

<ain't she just the ginchiest?!>

---------------------------
<Well then, she raises the stakes a bit with a more provocative, yet no less
 clever subject line.  Alas, though, it wasn't hers; it was just a followup.>

From: rrosenberg@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: RE: Cum on....
Date: 11 Apr 92 00:07:36 GMT
Organization: Clark University
 
John,
let's try something new.  Perhaps I could satisfy YOUR computer sexual
needs.  Ask me anything -- tell me anything.  Go for it!!!
Rebecca
------------------------------------
<It must be Becky's happy week--nay, *very* happy, because she just 
has *no* patience. Six minutes later, this:>
 
From: rrosenberg@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: optimism
Date: 11 Apr 92 00:13:49 GMT
Organization: Clark University
 
Hi!  I'm looking for some happy people to write to.  Hey -even if your
not so happy it's okay.  Let's try and make each other smile.

<Note that Becky shows she's human with that oh-so-precious your/you're
gaffe.>

---------------------------
<After about 20 minutes it's off to alt.romance, where she turns up the volume
a bit.>

From: rrosenberg@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: RE: Love Notes
Date: 11 Apr 92 00:35:38 GMT
Organization: Clark University
 
FIRST OF ALL, I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT I KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE
PERSON YOU ARE WRITING TOO.  WHAT KIND OF IMAGE ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
WHAT KIND OF LOVE NOTE IS THIS EXACTLY?  WHAT I MEAN IS, ARE YOU WRITING
TO SOMEONE YOU'VE HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH FOR A LONG TIME OR IS THIS TO
SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW OR IS IT TO YOUR MOM? IS THIS A NOTE TO ANYONE
IN PARTICULAR?  ARE YOU JUST GETTING IDEAS?  SHAKESPEAR ONCE SAID THAT
THESE TYPE OF SAYINGS ABOUT LOVE ARE SUPERFICIAL.  PERSONALLY I THINK
THEY ARE GREAT, BUT THEY HAVE TO BE SAID THE RIGHT WAY.  ANYWAY, I THINK
I CAN HELP YOU OUT.  GIVE ME A LITTLE MORE INFORMATION.
-REBECCA
<Becky, I'm curious.  Did you know that there exists something called
the K12 net?  Yup, spell it just the way it sounds.  Uh-huh, yeah, well
there's a guy here, his name's Roger, who would be more than happy
to show you the ropes.  Why yes, they *are* cotton.>
--------------------------------
 
From: rrosenberg@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: RE: C'mon, people....
Date: 11 Apr 92 00:37:53 GMT
Organization: Clark University
 
TOM,
SOMETHING ROMANTIC? LIKE WHAT?
REBECCA

<Don't be coy, Becky.  Like walking in the rain and the snow and there's
nowhere to go and you're feeling like a part of you is dying.  And you're
looking for an answer in the rain.  You think you're gonna break out--
Well, I think you hear me knockin', Becky.  Yup, three times.  Yup, on
the ceiling.  Ooooh, you are soooo cute I could just EAT YOU UP.>

<8 minutes later, our heroine tries to help.>
 
From: rrosenberg@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: RE: Question For the Females only
Organization: Clark University
Date: 11 APR 92 00:45:15 GMT
 
ED,
I THINK I CAN HELP YOU OUT.  TELL ME FIRST ABOUT YOURSELF<I'm a geek>.  
WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE<I'm an ugly geek>, WHAT KINDS OF THINGS DO YOU 
DO, AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF. DO YOU ACT DIFFERENTLY AROUND FEMALES 
THAN MALES?<Well, I don't fart as boldly or throw around the word 'cunt' 
near as much> ARE YOU IN SCHOOL? ARE YOU WORKING?  WHEN DO YOU HAVE 
CONTACT WITH FEMALES?<When I drop my quarters in the thing and the 
curtain goes up in the booth and THERE SHE IS.> DO YOU HAVE
MANY FEMALE FRIENDS? <Well, not really...> TELL ME EVERYTHING.  
BY THE WAY - IT DIDN'T SEEM STUPID AND YOU  PROBOBLY DON'T NEED AS 
MUCH HELP AS YOU THINK.
-REBECCA
--------------------------
 
From: rrosenberg@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: POOPEY
Organization: Clark University
Date: 11 APR 92 00:48:42 GMT
 
HEY, DAVE, THIS IS A LONG SHOT.  IF YOUR READING THIS - WELL, I MISS YOU.
IF ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE READING THIS - TELL HIM.  THINGS ARE GOING WELL,
BUT I STILL HUG YOUR STUFFED FOOTBALL. LOVE,
                                        REBECCA
<no comment>
---------------------------

Then she hightails it on over to alt.sex, where the volume stays high:>
 
From: rrosenberg@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: ANSWERS
Organization: Clark University
Date: 11 APR 92 00:58:51 GMT
 
ASK ME ANYTHING.  I'M A FEMALE, 19 YEARS OLD.  BASICALLY, THIS IS
YOUR CHANCE TO CONFIDENTIALLY FIND ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS.  NO
QUESTION IS STUPID.  I PROMISE TO ANSWER HONESTLY.  IF I DON'T KNOW
AND CAN'T FIND OUT, I'LL TELL YOU WHERE YOU CAN. PLEASE, DON'T BE SHY.
I'M HERE TO HELP.
<Well, Becky, I've always been curious about deep fisting and scatplay
but you see, I have Crohn's Disease.  Can you help me?  Please reply
ASAP.  My BOWELS SPASM in SYNCOPATED HOPES of YOUR REPLY.>
 
 
RICHH