From: trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Barbara Trumpinski)
Subject: Re: Callahan's is for everyone
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 00:22:40 GMT

space cadet says:

>As always, people find the Place when they need to. They leave when
>they are ready. Sometimes they leave before they are ready, and when
>tragedy strikes we all say, "If only we could have done something."
>Well, we are not always successful, all we can do is try harder next
>time. Try hard to make everyone feel welcome. Some leave because their
>life is full without us, and that is OK. Some leave because they lose
>their way, lose the path through the electronic highways of the net.
>When someone who has been gone returns, either in joy or in sorrow, we
>welcome them back, and those who have been here throughout their
>absence, rejoice; those who have come in since their last time here
>greet them as new friends.

[    ]

>But, alas, the Place is not perfect, and we do not always succeed.  One
>can hope that in this case it is just a matter of time -- but perhaps a
>lot of time. The "bully" never did see that what he did was wrong.  Or
>at least never admitted it. And he has done it again, on at least two
>occasions since then, one of them leading very nearly to a repeat of
>the first, including the threat to leave, and the return having learned
>something.

>What can we do? It is simple to say that Callahan's is not a place for
>flaming, but that is not strictly true. One should not flame in
>Callahan's (or anywhere, for that matter, except where it is expected),
>but when one _does_ we should not, and will not, reject the person
>flaming. We should take it as a challenge: how can we help this person?
>Well, one way we can help is to simply be the place, to be Callahan's
>as it always is, accepting everyone for what they have to offer. One
>way may be to chew out the person for flaming in Callahan's -- to tell
>him (them) to take it elsewhere. But when it is a recurring thing, we
>should look at it as a problem to deal with in the way that we deal
>with problems here. Through talk, advice, and most of all, through
>love. But not through anger, no matter how angry his actions may make
>you. The bottom line is that Callahan's is a place where one can be
>obnoxious and still be welcomed, because Callahan's is for everyone.

>I have kept names out of this up until now. I just read through about
>250 posts today, and when I got to the next-to-last one, my reaction
>was "oh no, not again." Unbeliever came back after an enforced absense
>due to lack of net access, posted a quite reasonable, "Hi, I'm back"
>message. My response was, "oh, yet another friend I haven't met yet, I
>will look forward to getting to know him." STM's response was a very
>incoherant (especially for STM, who normally writes clearly) "You
>shithead."

>Now, I may be missing something, maybe there is some bad blood from way
>back between these two, but is seems much more reasonable to listen to
>what STM is right in the middle of saying right now, which is that his
>diabetes and other medical problems are acting up and that he is not
>really himself. In fact, he started that post by stating that his blood
>sugar is so low that he is shaking, and then degenerated into
>incontinent swearing.

>His problems are more than the temporary situation that is occuring
>right now. He has said that he has been diagnosed with manic-depressive
>syndrome, which he is not getting treatment for because of the side
>effects of the treatments. This can be seen in his posts, for there is
>a very cyclical nature to the times when he flies off the handle.  And
>in between, we see the depressive phase, including the time when he was
>feeling suicidal.

>So what is my point? Well, there are two points: the first is to
>welcome back Unbeliever, <<HUG>>, and I hope you stay. The other is to
>say that Callahan's is for everyone. Everyone, including STM. I hope
>that eventually we can help him -- help him to help himself, and to
>deal with his various medical problems. There are others in here who
>come because this is a place where they can get away from their pain,
>where they can live in a perfect, although virtual, body. Where they
>can give and receive hugs without wincing. STM's pain is perhaps a bit
>more subtle, but it is there nonetheless, and we should help him with
>it.

>Well, I kind of hate to send this, because I don't like to talk about
>people in public like this. I really like STM, except for a week or two
>in his manic phase when he is obnoxious all the time.  But I love the
>Place also, and the bottom line is that while I think that STM's post
>_does_ represent the true nature of the place, it is in the subtle way
>that I have tried to explain. I do not want anyone to leave in a huff
>because they think that attitude is common here. Nor do I think
>Unbeliever should fight back.  I do think that STM should apologize,
>but from his past behavior I don't expect he will. He and the place
>have a long way to go; I hope we all get there.

>The Space Cadet started this all off musing in the middle of a group
>hug. He comes out of it to discover he is on top of a pile of soap
>boxes. He climbs down, and gives a quick squeeze to the group, to
>Unbeliever, to the others who are a part of this post but remained
>nameless, and to STM if he will accept it. He then wanders over and
>gets in the line, er, queue, that is forming behind Grant to dip the
>caramel apples.

kitten hugs space cadet...joining him in line....

"what he said"


--
***************************************************************************
conan the librarian a.k.a. kitten           /\ /\  barbara ann 
"my life's a soap opera, isn't yours?"      {=.=}
                                              ~   trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu 
"perhaps _any_ universe becomes real in proportion 
to the number of people who believe in it and spend time there." s. robinson

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