From: dxf12@po.CWRU.Edu (Douglas Fowler)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: What is a spanking
Date: 12 Nov 1992 19:43:31 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: dxf12@po.CWRU.Edu (Douglas Fowler)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc12.ins.cwru.edu


     Well, having never been spanked, I always thought it had to be out
of anger, because people were not for hitting.  I still think so, but now
I am willing to compromise *a little*.  This is only because my cousins
call the little swats with the hand that don't hurt, which they will get
for very dangerous things, a spanking.  I have noticed other net parents
using this term, too, and I think it is the reason the flame wars get so
large.  It is good that this discussion has occurred, though I have hardly
read any of the posts because, frankly, I don't *want* to know how badly
some people have been hit. (I didn't even know that people were hit on their
bare bottoms before I started reading this newsgroup - if I ever saw a parent
pull a kids' pants down I would have cried "child molester" rather fast.
Still would, I bet.  I mean, the pain's going to be too much, so the child
won't be consenting.  He/she will be struggling to get away while in lots
of tears, so it would look like he/she is trying to get away from a child
molester.  And what if the child does obey, but a real molestor comes along
and tells them to pull their pants down?  The child will probably figure that
he/she should, since this is an adult/authority figure and it is seen as
proper behavior/punishment to that child.  I hate the thought.)
      I think the fact that feelings are being expressed
will help some of the parents and parents to be in their child rearing, and
make them realize that the shock must come from the fact that a parent would
have to do it, and that the greater the pain, the more likely it is that
the child will forget what you were trying to teach and become resentful
later.  Same for increased number of times you do it, as it also becomes
much less effective, or causes many revolts later in life.
       The best thing is this discussion will also make them realize
that *there is generally no need to hit.*  There are MANY good alternatives.
     So, perhaps we can all agree on some type of terminology that can be
used on this net to avoid the flame wars that look like something from
the Battle of Midway.  I am willing to accept that a single small slap on
a clothed bottom is a spanking - it means the parent does not want to
do any real harm, which is comforting.  We could also call that
a swat; that's what my Aunt Cyndy calls such a slap, as the parent isn't
really using any strength.  (It's also more of a reaction than anything.)
     Since a child is likely to call it a spanking just because it hurts
his/her feelings, I propose that one swat is a spanking.  After all, it's
the child we're trying to teach here, so it is his/her feelings we must
consider.  How is this child reacting to it? (Caveat: if you give several
such swats, but they aren't strong enough to hurt, it's still not bad;
I'd still call that a spanking, as the child would react in the same way.)
     Therefore, if you don't plan to hit, you can still say "people aren't
for hitting," explain that spankings are only meant to shock the child,
not hurt him/her, and thus be fair to those who do spank. (I'll admit that
2-3 seconds of soreness may be needed in some cases, but the shock must
still be that a parent would have to do it.)  If it's causing over 5-10
seconds of pain (maybe kids 5 and up can take more like 30 seconds without
being too traumatized), but doesn't bruise, it's a licking.  Anything that
causes bruises or worse is a beating.  How is that for appropriate
network terminology?
-- 
Doug Fowler: dxf12@po.CWRU.edu  : Me, age 4 & now: "Mommys and Daddys & other
   "Thou shalt love God with all: relatives have to give lots of hugs & love
thy heart...*and thy neighbor as: & support, 'cause Heaven is just a great
thyself*." Luke 10:27           : big hug that lasts forever and ever!!!"
Newsgroups: misc.kids