From: ssg9328@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Samart Srijumnong)
Subject: Re: Why American Men Like Thai Women (fwd for Cliff Sloane)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 07:39:33 GMT

The following is an article written in response to the previous post on
the same subject. Khun Cliff, the author, does not have access to the s.c.t
at the site he is at except he could read from other system that does not
allow him to directly respond.

Samart


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RE: Why American Men Like Thai Women

I find myself both amused and annoyed at the intentional self-deception 
involved with the American (read WHITE) men who contributed to the recent 
flaming on the glories of Thai women. I have several points in this 
regard.

When one looks at statistics in the US, who deserts the families 
first - men or women? When it comes to adultery, who is the more likely 
offender - the husband or the wife? This deliberate disregard of the facts 
reminds me of a line from a human rights lawyer: "White people are so 
accustomed to receiving special privileges simply for being white that when 
they are treated even-handedly, they cry reverse discrimination."  Men who 
complain about the fickleness of American women's loyalty are deliberately 
ignoring the realities. White men who value Thai women for their 
loyalty want a dog that talks, not a human being who expects reciprocity.

Reciprocity, I would say, is what the netters are completely blind to. Are 
your Thai sweethearts just more loving? Or are they expecting you to behave 
in a reciprocal fashion? And what is it they expect? Before any of you 
white guys even holds hands with a Thai woman, I strongly recommend that 
you read three eye-opening pieces:

	1. Cohen, Erik, "Thai Women and Farang Men" in 
	   _Annals_of_Tourism_Research,
	2. Cooper, Robert, _Culture_Shock_Thailand
        3. Mulder, Niels, _Inside_Thai_Society: An_Interpretation of Everyday 
	   Life.

Read the Cohen article and you'll never look at your faen the same. How 
many faen does she have? Has she introduced you to her family? How are you 
referred to? Has she ever talked about her family's problems with you? Has 
she ever confided, truly confided in you? When she disagrees with you, is 
it about something meaningful, or something trivial? Ultimately, ask 
yourself the big one - where is the boundary between being a girlfriend and 
being a prostitute? These questions are meant to diagnose the depth of the 
relationship, and help you cut through what I see as self-delusion.
Niels Mulder said that after several years of living, working 
and studying in Thailand, he left without a single Thai friend. Even his 
girlfriend called him Ajaan.

Women do not act in a dutiful manner because they like to. It is part of 
the cultural expectation. They will be servant-like in return for  
stability. Can you truly promise them the stability?
I confess to being appalled by both the racism and the sexism of these 
comments. It contributes to a de-humanized view of Thai culture, without 
benefit of knowledge. 

By the way, I'm a white guy who, in my last trip to Thailand, received five 
marriage proposals. I too get my head turned by the phu ying jai dee. But 
be more aware of the cultural maelstrom you're in.

Cliff Sloane, Ethnomusicology
Metropolitan State University