From: jammer@eskimo.com (Lyle Harwood)
Subject: Re: an idle observation
Organization: -> ESKIMO NORTH (206) For-Ever <-
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 14:58:56 GMT

: You should try chocolate covered coffee beans! You can just pop those
things
: like candy (for obvious reasons), but be careful... They have the kick
of
: any of your stronger "alertness aids".  (vivarin, no-doz, jolt) Eat
more
: than four at a time, and kiss sleep goodbye. The problem is that they
: are the most addictive things on earth. And there's a white chocolate
coated 
: version as well! 
: 
l
Jammer looks up.

"rrrraaaaaggrrrrrr?"
He enquires.
Warrior's tail begins to lash from side to side.

"Chocolate? Coffee? Vitaman C?"

Jammer sniffs the air.

"Ah. Nice ones. From Southern California."

Sniff.

"There seems to be a hint of somthing else, though."
Sniff.
"Oh, that's it. Some of the beans were from Argentina."
Sniff.
"Make that SOUTHERN Argentina."
Sniff.
"Early last month."
Sniff.
"BEFORE the big rain."
"Which reminds me."

Jammer goes to the bar, lays two bills on the bar, and collects two
mochas from Mike.
He goes back to his chair, sits down, and squirms around untill
everything is setttled in.
Sipping his mocha, he leans back, sighs appreciativly, and begins.

"Those beans you got there were grown by monks in Southern Argentina,
they have a whatever-you-call-them down there, that's as old as the
Cistene Chapel, and the Order that lives there has grown nothing but
coffee beans since 1990. Before that, they grew flowers. Brillant 
flowers. All kinds of flowers. Up untill 1990."

Jammer takes a sip, smacks his lips rudely, and winks at Kitten.

"I was down there, you know. Saw 'em. Beautifull they were, and sad is
the story of it."
Jammer sips, and then says, with wide, innocent eyes
"I, ah, don't suppose anyone would like to hear the story?"
Warrior snaps his tail against the floor with a loud >WHAP!<
rrrrrrrrrrrr.....
  
"OK, OK, since you inSIST...
I was traveling with a man name Jim, and another named Bono.
Now, you've heard of both of them. Bono, of course went on to become
the lead singer of the group U2, and Jim changed his name to The Edge,
and became Bono's lead guitar player. Jim's a quiet one, he is. He likes
to talk only through his guitar, if you think back, you won't remember
an interview with Edge, and you won't rememr anyone ever quoteing him.
Well, he USED to talk, and an understatement that is! He used to talk to
anyone about anything, couldn't shut him up, even when you wanted to.
Downright embarrison."

Jammer finishes his first mocha, and carefully sets the glass on the
bar.
Then he carefully wipes up the ring, an orients himself again, and
adjusts his chair. Warrior rbles.
  "Ok, boy, we'll get there. Now. Where was I?"
Warrior rumbles louder.
  "Oh, that's right. The monks. Well, back in 1990, they still called 
themselves friors. Took great pride in being the last order of Friors
in the world. They called themselves friors, and they raised the most 
beautifull flowers I've ever seen. Only one problem."
  Jammer sips. Warrior rumbles again. Warrior is not a patient kitty.
  "The flowers, you see, attracted bees. Great, huge swarms of bees,
day and night. Buzz, buzz, untill you couldn't hear yourself think.
Now, I didn't know it, and I don't think Bono  knew it, but The Edge
was allergic to bees. Had been all his life. He damn near had a nervous
breakdown when we walked in to that place. All that buzzing, and him 
allergic..."
Jammer cocks one eye at Warrior.
  "Now, with your Feline Majesty's permission..."
Jammer's voice drips sarcasm. Jammer takes a sip.
  "So. There we were, taking pictures of these beautifull flowers, 
and surrounded by hundreds of thousands of billions of bees. I still
hear those damn bees in my dreams. So, anyway, The Edge finally gets up
his courage, and walks up to a flower, and picks it."
Jammer sips. Warrior rumbles. Jammer ignores him.
"And, by the Soggy Balls of Jonah, I've never seen such a fast reaction!
Those bees were on him faster anything I've seen, before or since!
They swarmed allver him, and we thought he was a dead man! 
But he wasn't. Nope, he came up swinging, and raced into the monastery,
and grabbed the nearest fire extiguesher, and started spraying the
little
monsters with CO2. Then he goes lookin for the head monk.
We didn't know what he had in mind, so we figured we'd best kind of tag
along, in case the situation deteriorated any further.
Well, he finds him, and he grabs that poor frior, and swings him up
against the wall, and starts hollerin at him.
Now, I'm not particularly relegious, and I don't think Bono was, either,
but I didn't really like standin around while a genuine member of the
clergy got his clock cleaned. Him bein a man of peace, and all.
So we grab him, and hold him back, and try to calm him down. We told him
he had other problems, like the welts that were begining to make him
look like he should apply to Star Trek for a part as an alien. We get
him calmed down, and the poor Head Frior is bustling around, talking
about putting soda on his welts, when The Edge says, he says
Frior, what I want you to do is I want every one of those damn flowers
pulled up by the roots, if you do that, I'll leave you in peace.
Otherwise, by the Vaporis Balls of the Holy Ghost, I'll tear this place
apart!
Well. The Frior didn't know what to think. That sort of stoped him cold.
But then he looks at The Edge, and tears came to his eyes, I gotta 
admit that Edge looked pretty pitiful, sitting there, covered with
red welts the size of silver dollars. So this Frior says OK, I don't
ever want this to happen again, we'll get started immediately!
And then he starts puttin a soda paste all over the Edge."
Jammer finishes his second mocha, and sets the cup carefully in the 
center of the table, where it won't fall on the floor, if the table gets
jostled.
  "Well, that's the last time anyone has ever heard The Edge talk. Now
he just lets his guitar do all his talkin for him. Don't know if it was
the bees, or the stings, or the Frior, or the fact that he caused all
those beautifull flowers to be destroyed, but The Edge hasn't said boo
to anyone since that moment."
  Jammer shrugs into his coat, and carefully buttons all the buttons.

  "I guess it all goes to show."

  Jammer pushes his chair back from the table, and leans forward.

  "U2 can prevent florist friors."

Jammer breaks for the door.