From: rupa@f-454.fidonet.org (Rupa Schomaker)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: New serial cables
Keywords: chuckle, computers
Date: 22 Jan 93 00:30:11 GMT

I reveiced this from Crazy J on fidonet node 1:3600/7:  (attempts to contact
the author at CServe have been futile)

Non-techno-jocks stop reading now.

                      DL-232 -- A New Standard

                           by Dave Lyons
        (CompuCenter Iowa: JoeApple; CompuServe 72177,3233)

     I may never understand how the designers of the RS-232 "standard"
for serial communication managed to use 25 wires where only 3 are really
necessary.  Maybe they made a deal with the companies that make cables,
connectors, and switch boxes...I just don't know.

     Well, I thought of a few things that the RS-232 standard lacks, and
since there are already so many extra signals, a few more can't hurt
anybody, right?  Heck, let's go for 50-pin connectors and cables and add
the following new signals.  (Just to make sure this isn't compatible
with any old equipment, all OLD signals are moved up one pin number
(Carrier Detect becomes 9 instead of 8, etc., and pin 25 goes to pin 1).


 Pin  Name      Description
 ---  ----      -----------
  26  XCAT      Should be connected to chassis of devices.  Used with
                the next two signals, this provides protection against
                cats who haven't learned not to walk on floppy disks or
                serial equipment.  This signal should supply about 2000
                volts (at a VERY low current level; wouldn't want to
                HURT the cute little thing, just teach it not to walk on
                anything in the computer room).

  27  CATGND    Cat ground.  Used with pin 26.  This signal should be
                connected to another part of the chassis or the
                tabletop.

  28  CTD       Cat detect.

  29  SD        Self-destruct.  This signals causes the device to
                destroy itself.

  30  SDACK     Self-destruct acknowledge.  Acknowledges that the device
                has destroyed itself.

  31  VADIC     This signal indicates to a computer that the device on
                the other end is a modem that uses VADIC protocol.
                (Note:  CompuCenter Iowa users should jumper this signal
                to SD and then buy a decent modem.)

  32  STBIT1    Stutter bits.  With pin 33, sets the number of "stutter
                bits" (0 to 3 of them) to be included before each byte
                transmitted. This may reduce the number of people who
                feel inferior to computer equipment by showing them that
                computers have problems communicating with each other.
  33  STBIT2

  34  CABR      Cable ready.  It's not enough to know that the Data Set
                is ready (DSR) and the Data Terminal is read (DTR).  We
                also need to know that the CABLE connecting them is
                ready.

  35  GRR       Gremlins ready.  Not everybody knows it, but there are
                little green guys inside most modern computer equipment.
                Most of the time they sleep, but other times they cause
                trouble.  The next 6 signals are for dealing with gremlins.

  36  220A      Used with pin 37, supplies 220 volt power for the
                gremlins' air conditioning.  On hot days when gremlins
                can't sleep, applying power to these pins may solve your
                problems.
  37  220B

  38  110H      110 volts, hot side.  When the 220 volt power doesn't
                help and gremlin problems persist, use this with pin 39
                to supply 110 volts for the gremlins' TV and video game
                center.

  39  110N      110 volts, neutral side.

  40  MOON      Indicates the phase of the moon. Sometimes solves
                mysterious problems.

  41  LHI       Pins 41 through 45 can be used to implement the "like"
                protocol when the normal RTS/CTS protocol isn't enough.
                This one means "Like HI" and is used to establish a
                connection.

  42  LHTY2     Like HI to You Too.  Acknowledges pin 41.

  43  LLTT      Like Listen To This.  Requests permission to send data.

  44  LOK       Like OK.  Grants permission to transmit data.

  45  LWOW      Like WOW.  Acknowledges receipt of data.

  46  HEY       Pins 46 to 50 may be used to implement the "Eighties"
                protocol when RTS/CTS and "Like" protocols won't do the
                job.  This signal is similar to RTS (Request to Send).

  47  NP        No Problem.  Acknowledges HEY.

  48  HUH?      Signals that data was not received correctly
                (possibly wrong number of stutter bits).

  49  YEAH      Acknowledges data received.

  50  KMG365    Like YEAH, but for avid Emergency One fans.

That makes 50!  Let's hear your suggestions for MORE serial signals.
Maybe we can get 100 and REALLY make the cable manufacturers happy.

--
   UUCP -> rupa@f-454.fidonet.org     FidoNet ->  1:106/1024

    -=(Rupa)=-   [Entered on <21 Oct 92> at <22:11> in Houston Texas]


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