From: vander@flab.fujitsu.co.jp (Mike van der Velden)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: COME ON, PEOPLE!
Date: 4 Sep 92 08:08:03 GMT
Organization: Fujitsu Laboratories Ltd., Kawasaki, Japan

In article <1992Sep2.214408.58727@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> mha1@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (MICHAEL H. ALAIMO) writes:

(OBJ below)

In article <1992Sep2.214408.58727@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> mha1@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (MICHAEL H. ALAIMO) writes:

> HAW HAW HAW
> I GET IT!@#
> 
> MASING CANT SPELL!!@!@@
> 
> I GET IT !!@!@@!
> 
> HAW HAW JUST LIKE POTATOE!@!# HAW! I GET IT.

And you've never made a spelling error in your life?  Right.

Don't you wish there was a volume control for newreaders?  My
newsreader is able to automagically rot13 any incoming article,
but one feature that's definitely lacking is one that will
automatically lowercase articles from morons who haven't yet
discovered the caps lock key.  

Hint: it can usually be found near one of the shift keys (you know
what those are, right?), and is labelled "Caps Lock", "Shift Lock", 
or something similar.  Also many keyboards have a little status light 
that turns on when the caps lock key is on.  Perhaps yours is burnt
out from overuse.

> 
> : MIKE ALAIMO        :    ************************
> : Brain Surgeon      :    *       BUSH-FREE      *
> : Rocket Scientist & :    *        IN '93        *
> : General Neophyte   :    ************************
>                         "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

Is that the problem with our society these days?  Kids enter a college
or university, and they automatically assume they're a rocket
scientist.  General Neophyte?  No Shit.



OBJ:  (Hey, at least I didn't write it)

         'Twas the Night Before Startup

   Twas the night before start-up and all through the net,
     not a packet was moving; no bit nor octet.
   The engineers rattled their cards in despair,
     hoping a bad chip would blow with a flare.
   The salesmen were nestled all snug in their beds,
     while visions of data nets danced in their heads.
   And I with my datascope tracings and dumps
     prepared for some pretty bad bruises and lumps.
   When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
     I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.

   There stood at the threshold with PC in tow,
     An ARPANET hacker, all ready to go.
   I could see from the creases that covered his brow,
     he'd conquer the crisis confronting him now.
   More rapid than eagles, he checked each alarm
     and scrutinized each for its potential harm.

   On LAPB, on OSI, X.25!
     TCP, SNA, V.35!

   His eyes were afire with the strength of his gaze;
     no bug could hide long; not for hours or days.
   A wink of his eye and a twitch of his head,
     soon gave me to know I had little to dread.
   He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
     fixing a net that had gone plumb berserk;
   And laying a finger on one suspect line,
     he entered a patch and the net came up fine!

   The packets flowed neatly and protocols matched;
     the hosts interfaced and shift-registers latched.
   He tested the system from Gateway to PAD;
     not one bit was dropped; no checksum was bad.
   At last he was finished and wearily sighed
     and turned to explain why the system had died.
   I twisted my fingers and counted to ten;
     an off-by-one index had done it again...

   Vint Cerf, MCI
   December 1985

--
Mike van der Velden
Distributed Systems Laboratory, Fujitsu Laboratories Ltd., Kawasaki, Japan
e-mail: vander@tokyo.hi.flab.fujitsu.co.jp

ps. If you send me a picture postcard      Mike van der Velden
    from your area to the address at       Fujitsu Unoki Dormitory, room 227
    right, I'll send you one from Tokyo.   2-17-18 Unoki, Ota-ku, Tokyo 146
    Postcards must be received by          Japan
    November 15, 1992
Newsgroups: rec.humor