From: rdh@Veritas.COM (Robert Hartman)
Newsgroups: alt.recovery
Subject: Re: easier?
Date: 9 Sep 92 23:51:42 GMT
Organization: VERITAS Software

In article <18l8a2INNskf@smaug.West.Sun.COM> dab@ism.isc.com (David A. Butterfield) writes:
>barbaraj@csc.ti.com writes:
>> Somewhere in AA dogma (I'm sure many of you know exactly where!) is the 
>> thought about the easier, softer way availed us nothing.  What I hear
>> Richard saying is that for some people, the easier, softer way worked.
>> I think I am one of those people... [story about learning how to control
>> alcohol use without total abstention]...
>
>Why do you think that it is "easier" to learn how to use alcohol
>in reasonable quantities than it is to learn how to abstain from
>it completely?

To my way of thinking, it's not that strict abstinence is harder.
Actually, you're right about that.  For those who might be able to
regain some control, total abstinence is _much_ easier.

For me, the hard part is getting past my denial about my inability to
exercise judgement where my addiction is concerned.  The hard part is
going through cold-turkey withdrawal (or the closest approximation to
it I was capable of), allowing my personality to unravel to whatever
extent necessary to let go of the addiction, and not meddling with
myself while I grew back together, so that I _could_ function in total
abstinence.  The hard part was letting go of my addiction forever.  The
hard part was in learning when I was BSing myself, and how to stop
doing that.  The hard part was having to feel the grief over all the
parts of myself that the addiction had obliterated for so long.

The issue isn't whether or not I can get a handle on my habit.  The
issue for an addict like me is whether I can function without it!  My
ongoing abstinence is the proof that I can, in fact, get through life
without indulging in the addiction.  That takes a lot of force out of
the voice of self-deprecation that tries to claim I can't.

The next hard part is taking my moral inventory and practicing rock
bottom honesty by discussing my most shameful secrets with another
person, and then, when I'm ready, making amends for the damage I caused--
especially to those who loved me.

> ... The complete-
>abstinance approach gives you a clear, objective measure of whether
>you're succeeding or failing:  you either took a drink or you didn't.

Well, actually, the measure that I use is what Step I'm on.  The
program is about not drinking (or whatever), but the method is to work
on one's own emotional development.  I measure my success by the degree
of stress or success that I can tolerate without lapsing into
self-defeating attitudes and behavior.

>With food addiction it becomes more obvious that it is important
>to teach the judgement necessary to eat in *appropriate* amounts,
>rather than simply teaching complete abstinance.

Where process addictions (eating, gambling, compulsive sex, etc.) are
concerned, my program indicates that what one learns is not to regulate
the _amount_ of the activity, but instead to recognize the motivations
_behind_ the activity.  I believe that it is OK, for instance, for a
food addict to eat nourishing food until (close to) full, whenever he
or she is actually, physically, hungry.  However, when food is being
used to stuff down other emotions, that is inappropriate behavior that
must stop.  For a food addict, I believe, abstinence is achieved when
she or he completely eliminates "mood altering foods" and only eats
when actually hungry.  Someone in OA please correct me if I'm mistaken.

>With alcohol
>addiction the easier complete-abstinance approach is practical,
>but other approaches can also work.

I agree that some people may well be able to achieve moderation with
respect to any substance or behavior.  Those people don't need AA.

However, programs like AA are people who, for whatever reason, simply
can't do that.  It's better for them if they recognize this about
themselves, admit it, and play it safe.  It may seem like overkill, but
millions are alive that might be dead if they hadn't played it just
that safe.  For some problem drinkers, perhaps not all, but some, ...
alcohol is the kiss of death.

It is a very disquieting experience, to say the least, to hit bottom
and recognize that, in truth, I cannot control certain aspects of my
behavior which are leading me toward insanity.  Abstinence is the easy
part.  Taking that first step--admitting to myself that my life was
totally out of control, and allowing myself to fully grasp the
implications of that admission--that was hard.  In fact, it was the
hardest thing I've ever done.  But it was do that or die of insanity.
And frankly, I can't think of a worse way to go.

-r
Newsgroups: alt.recovery