From: chris@triage.UUCP (Wheres my 650TT2 Ducati)
Subject: More amusing BMW trivia... (christmas continues)
Organization: Triage Corp
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 15:51:16 GMT

When last I left you, some vile and evil person had me vetted as a
member of the silliest bunch of loons this side of the Moonies.  In
fact, if you'll recall, the Moonies were found to be a splinter group
of the original BMWMOA membership.  We now take up our story at the
point there the female mail delivery women has brought a few more
items of interest:

Still considering my strategy carefully for the trading an "eye for an eye"
bit with the bmw scum that had signed me up for the BMWMOA, I had reached
several conclusions.  None of which I am willing to share here.  But
suffice it to say that the List of Payback is long and wonderous.  In
fact, it's nearly too easy to poke fun at and ridicule the bmw motorcycle(sic)
owner.  They tend to be a dull and drearly lot lost in various flights
of unreality.  How else could such a company manufacture and actually
sell a "sport" bike that isn't any "sportier" than an old RD400?  Or,
for that matter, how could they foist upon the world a "dual purpose"
bike who's best feature is it's ability to sit by the side of the road,
stranded between the asphalt and the dirt?  Funny world, this.

With such thoughts churning in my head, my son greated me at the door.
One look and I could tell something was wrong.  Without prodding he
entoned "...you got sometime from that bmw society, gang, or whatever
they call themselves.  Would you like me to throw it into the trash?"

"Not just yet" I told him.

With the movement of mechanical arms I layed the offending package upon the
dining room table.  With ease I slit open the wrapper.  I should have
performed this procedure elsewhere as a foul stench arose from within the
confines of the envelope as good air rushed in to replace the vacuum.

Gingerly I pulled from that dark recess a copy of _BMW Owners Ananymous_.
Curious, I thumbed the pages.  It was then that I keeled over in gales
of laughter.

Here was a publication that contains all the known ___(careful, Groucho,
you don't want to offend anyone. ed) willing to be aroused by a call
for mercy.  This on top of the already vaunted "reliability" of the
bmw motorcycle(sic).  Why should such a book be required?  Unless, that
is, the devices in question aren't what they are advertised to be.

This isn't too surprising.  Many in society purchase all manner of items 
that aren't what they pretend to be.  For example pain killers that don't, 
washing machines that aren't, friends that never will be (oops, sorry, I was 
speaking of the ladys one sees walking, um ,er... nevermind), and 
Italian motorcycles that are really two things - magic and sex.

So, I sat myself upon a nearby chair to ponder the significance of the
book.  Then I struck me.  The word "anonymous" was the key.  What REALLY is
going on here is a 12 step program that further brainwashes those unable to 
resist being pulled into that unpassionate vacuum, that dull surface molecule
exciting, that whining uncaring, that wobbling unhandling overpriced void
that is bmw!

It fits.  Right?

Confirmation came as I called one number found listed therein.
No sense in throwing good money away on a long distance call.  MCI is
happy enough with me without my making really stupid mistakes.  So
I made the most local call possible.

The voice that attended the fone on the other end answered "...brother,
are you in need?"

Testing the waters, I came back with "yes."  Then I followed with "I 
_need_ help."

The voice responded "do you know what the first step is?"

Of course I didn't.  What am I, a full, willing member or something?

The voice became a little irritated.  "First you have to admit that there
is something more powerful than you and your motorcycle."

"Oh" I responded.  "Like admitting to the fact that anything the Japanese
produce is cheaper, more powerful, more comfortable, more efficient than
a bmw will EVER be?"

"Yes"

"You mean like admitting to the fact that nothing in this world is more
passionate, more soul stirring, more FUN over a twisty road than an Italian
motorcycle?"

"Yes. Yes, YES!  You have it, my son!"  This guy was truely excited.  I had
passed the first step.  And I wasn't even trying.

With that, I rang-off and started to make dinner.  But not before feeling
more than a little sorry for the voice.  If they are all like this, then
there's a whole world filled with sick misguided folk out there.

Understanding and truth can be terrible things.


Christopher Perez - chris@triage.rain.com
The List->  Ducatis: 650TT2, 500SL, 860GT
	    Yamaha: RD400F (for sale - to make way for an NCR-replica Ducati)