From: Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu (Albert Lunde)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: Understanding
Date: 26 Dec 92 05:02:50 GMT
Reply-To: Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu (Albert Lunde)
Followup-To: soc.bi
Organization: Ministry of Silly Walks
Originator: lunde@casbah.acns.nwu.edu

In article <92359.165646SAUNDRSG@QUCDN.QueensU.CA> Graydon <SAUNDRSG@QUCDN.QueensU.CA> writes:
>In article <MUFFY.92Dec23234918@remarque.berkeley.edu>,
>muffy@remarque.berkeley.edu (Muffy Barkocy) says:
>>In article <1hbkouINNo76@agate.berkeley.edu> mlloyd@ocf.berkeley.edu (M.
>>Lloyd)
>>writes:
>>>Graydon <SAUNDRSG@QUCDN.QueensU.CA> writes:
>>>>And, Muffy, why *do* you regard yourself as bi, rather than say, as
>>>>a person with catholic tastes in sex partners?  (honestly curious).
[...]
>>>have no idea what that question is supposed to mean.  I, for one, would
>>>happily respond "I'm both".
>>I feel pretty much the same way as Mike, here.  I don't think I
>>understand the question.  However, I wouldn't really say that I'm
>>"both".  I don't care about the sex of my partners; in our society, that
>>is called "bisexual," so that's the word I'm using.  "Catholic" suggests
>>more of a lack of discrimination, or, that I like *everything* in my sex
>>partners.  That is certainly not the case.[...]
>>So, how about you, Graydon?  Are you bisexual?  Catholic in your tastes
>>in sex partners?  Or what?  And why?

>I probably didn't edit that enough, but I've figured out how to get
>around the mailer's wired in netiquette, so who cares...
>
>I'm probably not someone you'd regard as bi; I can imagine sex with
>men, there are a couple of very good male friends it has occured to
>me to wonder what sex would be like with, but other than that I'm
>sexually attracted to women. [...]
>What I was trying to get at was what you mean by 'bi' - I have a
>lot of trouble believing that everyone uses the word the same way.
>Wasn't meaning to imply lack of discrimination with 'catholic' -
>maybe I should have said something like 'plumbing not a significant
>element of criteria'?
>
>I am purely confused as to wether or not plumbing, per se, is an
>important element in the attractiveness criteria I'm using; I have
>much less in the way of aesthetic criteria for men than for women,
>but I'm not clear on how plumbing related that is.
>
>If you wanted to argue that I'm using a gender biased aesthetic I'd
>tend to agree; what maybe I'm asking is what saying you're 'bi'
>is intended to communicate about your aesthetic.

Well, I'm not Muffy or Mike, but I'm going to jump in with a few
sweeping (anti-)generalizations.

I would tend to define "a bisexual" as a person who at times has felt 
significant sexual attractions to members of both sexes. The word
"significant" is important to me -- if you, for example, have passing bi 
thoughts, but dismiss them as of no importance, I'm in no hurry to call 
you bisexual. On the other hand, I think feeling and desire are more 
important than sexual experience in defining "sexual orientation".

This said, it should be observed that some bisexuals seem relatively
indifferent to the sex of their partners, while other bisexuals
report getting different sorts of things from men and from women.

(Thus, you may feel free to call yourself bi regardless of if your
criteria are gender-based or not, if it seems to fit.)

[Muffy makes a good point about the question of the number of sexes/genders
but I don't think I could have expressed this in the statements above
and made them clear.]

I'm not sure that saying one is "bi" communicates anything about one's
aesthetics as such.  If it weren't for the pervasive heterosexism
polatizing society, I sometimes doubt bisexuals would have anything
in common -- we'd just be this vauge mass of people "in the middle".
The social pressure to be het, or failing that "to choose", creates
a shared experience that we might otherwise lack. Though we might
still be a bit more *flexible* than the mean ;).

-- 
 Albert Lunde         | Interfaith  |     *Y*Y*      "A branch on the
 Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu |  Bisexual   |      *Y*        tree of life"
                      |  Feminist   |.......|.........................