HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: sfjr@wam.umd.edu (Sherri)
Subject: Re: Sleep vs. Dreams
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 03:37:37 GMT



I've had a lot of sleep troubles and will try to pass on a few hints, and
hopefully there will be one or two that will be of help to someone.

1) using a nightlight or leaving a light in the hallway.  Usually the idea
is to make the situation _unlike_ the one in which you were originally 
abused.

2) Oh, this should have been #1:  Give yourself some extra time for sleep
if possible.  i.e. if you want a good 8 hours, try to go to bed 9 1/2 to
10 hours before you want to get up.  If you have disturbing dreams, you
often wake up more often during the night and need more sleep to feel
rested.  Also, this sometimes helps the anxiety that comes after an hour
or so of trying to fall asleep where you get really upset because you
know there's no way you're going to get enough sleep now.

3) Alter your location.   Sometimes the lumpy living room couch feels
much safer than the bed for obvious reasons.

4) Consider whether the silence bothers you.  I used to play the radio all
night at low volumes.  I didn't sleep as soundly as I normally did, but it
did calm me down enough to sleep when I wouldn't have been able to at all.

5) Create safe space in a way that appeals to your 'inner child'.  One poster
here put up a tent that he slept in when things got bad.  Some people have
protective stuffed animals.  Safe clothing or a favorite blanket can
be good.

6) General sleep 'exercises' like counting sheep, imagine walking down steps
while counting backwards from 100, eye-exercises like looking back and forth
or rolling your eyes or an alternation of these.  All sleep exercises try
to occupy your mind enough to keep down racing thoughts but remain boring
enough in the process to make sleep seem like a good thing.

7) Look at your schedule and see if you have enough alone time during the
day.  If your constantly on the run, you may just not be getting any time
to process stuff except when you lie down for bed.  Most minds only let us
get away with ignoring everything for so long, then it's nightmare time.
Sometimes if something comes up at night I tell myself, "Okay, tomorrow
after dinner I'm going to take some time to think about these things."  If
I follow through on these promises to  myself, it becomes more and more
successful.

8)  Sometimes it's best to give in, get up, and do something.  Losing a nights
sleep is not the end of the world (though I know it's usually a cumulative
thing where there's a series of nights where you can't sleep).  Sometimes
when I get up and write down all the things that are running through my
head, it will calm me down a bit.  I try to list them, not delve into them.
It's a way of acknowledging certain thoughts which can make it less necessary
for them to keep asserting themselves.

9) Log on to asar and write long lists of hints on how to get to sleep.

*yawn*

Sherri
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Fatigue, painful emotions... (semi-spoiler)
Date: 2 Oct 92 19:40:20 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)


follow-up:

First, thanks to the people who e-mailed me - it helped a lot.  I'll
be replying later, when (hopefully) I'll be feling better...

I'm home from work today.  I logged in, but my boss didn't come in
either, and nobody else was around.  I'm just going to work at home.

I had a really bad dream - I dreamed my dad got an Internet account,
and was trying to show me how to use the newsreader (he was always
assuming that I didn't know stuff), and I realized he was about to
read the article I posted yesterday, so I was frantically trying to
log on so I could cancel the article, but the serial cable came loose,
and when I tried to fix it the ends turned into a bunch of hairpins
(like the ones my grandmother used to wear).  It was awful.

I keep trying to supress the negative emotions - it's really hard
to just sit here and experience the feelings of fear and anger
and not try to calm down or distract myself.  But that's what I
have to do.  It got so hard to breathe last night that my SO was
ready to drag me to the doctor.  If it had gotten any worse I think
I would have let him, too.  I'm starting to understand why my
health has been so bad all these years, why I developed asthma in
the first place.

I hope this doesn't last too much longer...  <sigh>

Holly
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)     
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: credwood@nyx.cs.du.edu (Clint Redwood)
Subject: This is a test... Sorry!
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 92 09:23:03 GMT


This is a test to see if I can recieve this news group in England. So far
I have not been able. I don't know why, but I don't see why this should be
of use only to America. Sorry for wasting bandwidth. Can anyone explain
why asar does not exist in england?
From: rbn@sunvis.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Falling off the edge ...... plink!
Date: 5 Oct 92 16:37:46 GMT
Organization: UNISYS/Environmental Protection Agency

Sounds like your pain is VERY intense right now.  The truth is that the
pain you feel is the resource that will help you move toward healing.
If you choose healing you will turn to face the pain and go through it --
on the other side you will find a place that you may not even be able to
imagine in your wildest dreams.

It is of course also a choice to try to turn away from the pain -- this is
a path full of many troubles and dark places and many empty promises that
the pain will go away "if only ...."

I am sad that you hurt so intensely.  It is difficult -- but it will only
last for a while if you choose to face it squarely.  It will diminish with
time as you process the pain and the origins of it.  And another thing:
you are not alone -- you don't have to process it alone any more.  There
are people available who are willing to be with you while you go through
it.  They may be people that you haven't even met before now.

You are lovable and valuable -- a precious person -- I wish you well as
you look inside.  I wish/pray for you all of the courage that you need.
--
----

Bob Boyd
In The Here & Now
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: boserj@netcom.com (Jeffrey Boser)
Subject: Re: Karla Marie Alwan, survivor
Date: Sun, 27 Sep 92 12:21:07 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 

Goodbye Karla.  Thank you for touching my life.

Dance well, whereever you are now.

.....jeff

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: males only: shaving
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1992 19:12:45 GMT

[ lots of good stuff ommitted ]

my feeling is that *any* behavior can become compulsive in nature.  the
methodology may be different, but the motives are probably very similar.  the
faq mentions cutting because it is common, hair pulling because i used to do
that and thought it might give people insights into any compulsive behaviors
they have.  i could also have mentioned self-inflicted burns and pyromania.  so
yes, i think that your shaving compulsion probably fits this mold quite well.
ultimately you have to decide that, of course, but i would be not at all
surprised if you find that it does.  with that in mind, you would probably get
some good from the suggestions in that section of the faq and in the section in
The Courage To Heal on self-abusive behaviors.  i know i did.

so examine your motivations (which you seem to have done quite well already)
and decide whether or not you think it is healthy behavior.  if it is not,
think about what you could do to change it.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: anonymus+703@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: first posting
Date: 5 Oct 92 17:34:44 GMT
Organization: Anonymous contact service

Hello.  This is my first posting; actually, this is my third
attempt, but my incompetence with e-mail has prevented the other
postings from getting through.  I hope this one does, because
I could really use to hear from some others right now.  I don't
think I'll be saying anything that should be accompanied by a
spoiler, because I'm not going to talk specifics.  Mostly
what I'm dealing with now is emotions.  I just realized I'm
really angry, like all the time, but I never know it until I
go home and play some industrial music or hardcore or some-
thing, and all of a sudden I'm shaking with rage and crying.
Has this ever happened to anyone?  Or am I just going insane?
Then, I woke up this morning and seconds after I opened my eyes
I was washed over with such fear and anxiety I almost felt
like I couldn't even deal with getting out of bed.  It was a
peculiar, gut-wrenching fear; I couldn't decide whether to
run screaming for the hills or curl up in the fetal position
and quiver.  Obvoiusly, since I'm here, I made it to school,
but I'm still getting these flashes of anxiety.  I know
someone will probably ask me if I have a therapist.  The ans-
wer is yes, I'm working on that; first appointment is
Wednesday.  Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll still be
functional afterwards.  Uh, I guess that's it for now; I
just needed to talk to someone, because I've got a feeling
I'm due for another onslaught of memories soon.  ACK!
Thank you all for being there, and if you want to send e-
hugs, I'll gladly accept them.
--
NO TESTS.  To use this service, send mail to (note misspelling, "anonymus"):
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From: anonymus+322@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (poohbear)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: beauty
Date: 2 Oct 92 20:50:59 GMT
Organization: Anonymous contact service


there is beauty in this group.  
i don't know how to tell you all how precious you've become.
wow.  that is really scary to say.  really scary.

there has been a change in me.  a while ago i said that i knew there
was a forgone conclusion that i would kill myself at some point, so
it was really hard for me to work to get better.  a strong reinforcement
of that theory was that i had a very good friend who had to leave school
because of her eating disorder in Spring 91.  she was in and out of a
few hospitals, and finally everyone thought she was doing ok...past the
worst, out of the pit.
she killed herself on april 1, 1992.
that was the beginning of my whirlpool.
i was eventually cought in the undertow and pulled to the bottom of the
ocean.  was hospitalized.  3 times.  total 62 days.  this is getting hard

i guess i can't talk about it now i thought i could
i gotta go
but want you all to know i thank you and that your posts and mail are
so tremendously powerful to me
bye
poohbear
--
To use this service, send mail to (note misspelling, "anonymus"):
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Anonymous mail:		<user's alias>@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
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From: vickie@pilot.njin.net (Vickie Mapes)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Step inside...
Date: 4 Oct 92 18:52:37 GMT
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.

I wrote:

>I tried a few non-anon posts and it wasn't as bad as I thought,
>even though I was shaking and crying afterwards. I did realize
>that I wasn't strong enough to see my name in "Bright White Lights"
>so I had to set my personal-name to something I could cope with
>better. (Geez! A victory and a defeat within a few hours)

It's just too silly. I *thought* I had set my personal name but
either I didn't save it correctly or else it just doesn't work
in News (It worked fine in e-mail tests.) On another day I would
be in a hateful self-rage about such a mistake, but another 
indication of how good I feel is that I only feel mildly perturbed
at myself. And a bit embarrassed, but I've spent my whole life
being "embarrassed" so I can cope :-).

If my save worked I'll be "Ode" from now on. If not, what the hell,
I've already thrown my name around enough already these past few
hours that it doesn't really matter. Pfft!

vickie

>"Thats what your arms are for, to wrap them around yourself" HTR
From: sfjr@wam.umd.edu (Sherri)
Subject: Re: mpd **WARNING**  Contains a general discussion of ritual abuse
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 02:07:46 GMT

In article <1992Sep30.213456.24153@unislc.uucp> erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:
>Bones (anon-1005@twwells.com) wrote:
>
>: I'm also multiple but not due to cult abuse.  Do any of you have
>
>Uh, "cult abuse"?  I wasn't aware that this was at all the case - the stats
>I've seen say that "cult abuse" and such are very rare, except in the minds
>of those who either have an axe to grind or have something to gain from running
>around screaming "The Satanists are everywhere!"


	I suppose I used to think that way, but I've gotten to know quite
a few ritual abuse survivors and they generally don't run around screaming
anything (at least in public) nor do they have anything to gain from it.

	I read some paper or something once that classified different "types"
or "profiles" of abusers.  One type (the least common, I believe) is the
'sadistic' abuser who causes pain for the sake of doing so, not just
to intimidate.  My personal theory is that such people have identified
themselves with their own concepts of evil, at least to some extent.  In
our culture, I think it's natural that ritual abuse would appeal to
such a person.

	I think that ritual abuse is 'rare' in the sense that most people
are probably not sexually abused, and most abuse survivors were not
abused in cult situations.  There's still a substantial number of
abuse survivors.  _The Courage to Heal_ and _Allies In Healing_ discuss
it to some extent, and there are a number of cult abuse survivors organisations.

	Also, if you
 are dealing with multiple personality persons, you're going to meet a lot
of cult abuse survivors.

	There's also the terms 'ritual' and 'ritualized' abuse, but I gotta
log off now.

	When discussing this, I want to be careful not to have anyone feel
like their abuse is being doubted by asar readers in general.  

bye

Sherri
From: dnolan@husc10.harvard.edu (David Nolan)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: over-achievers?
Date: 27 Sep 92 22:31:52 GMT
Organization: Harvard University Science Center

Dear readers,

	I have recently developed a relationship with a young woman (18)
who was sexually and physically abused periodically from ages 6 to 12. I
stumbled across this newsgroup and have learned a lot by reading the last
hundred or so articles.  In the articles from a while back I saw some 
comments about "over-achievers," I presume the context being that abuse
victims sometimes become over-achievers to make up for a lack of self
esteem or block out their past.  I am only guessing here, not having seen
any more discussion on the matter.  This caught my attention because
my friend is a tireless over-achiever who often works herself to the
point of exhaustion.
	I am would like very much to hear your comments on this issue,
or receive summaries of previous discussions.  Please post them or write
to me at dnolan@husc.harvard.edu .

					Thanks,
						Dave Nolan

P.S. 	For those of you who are worried about my friend, I am trying 
	very hard to be careful with her, and let the relationship
	grow at a pace she is comfortable with.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: blaze@westmark.Stanford.EDU (Suki)
Subject: Re: e: Adult Male Recovery
Organization: Stanford University
Date: Sun, 27 Sep 1992 22:24:08 GMT

In article <1686B1B55.PKJAMES@UKCC.UKY.EDU> PKJAMES@UKCC.UKY.EDU writes:

>I don't know if that came from being able to "pretend" things were
>different or what.  Now people are coming out of the woodwork claiming
>MPD and child abuse in just bizzare ways.  While I believe these are
>possible reactions I believe they are very rare.  Almost every friend I
>have that's seeing someone now is claiming sexual abuse that they just
>now remembered.  It's becoming the "in" thing to do it seems.

	I think it may be just that it is more accepted by society
now, so it is safer for people to "risk" comming out about being
molested.  Notice I say more, not accepted.  In many places, to
many people it is not a cool thing to discuss.  But the numbers of
abuse has become so staggering that those who do not want to hear
about it don't have a choice.

>  People
>are even claiming abuse is when their one year old brother or sister
>played doctor with them when they were 9 or 10.

	I find myself a little uncomfortable with that line.  True, 
the chances of that happening are pretty low, and it is more likely
that a one year old is going to feel abused by a 9 year old..but
there is always at least one acception to the rule.  If somoen is
going to claim they feel abused by soemthing that may seem like a
lesser violation to us, who are we to deny the legitamacy of their
experience?  Essentially, anything that is perceived by the "victim"
as abuse is abuse.  

	The quotes around victim are because I much prefer survivor,
and the word victim makes me wince.

>  I don't intend to stay
>in recovery the rest of my life either.  It took a good portion of my
>childhood, why should I spend my adult life reliving it.  I'll never
>forget it, I wasn't responsible for it, and I have nothing to feel
>guilty about.  There's no way to change the past-there is something I
>can do about the future.  I'm rattling now.  Any other guys out there or
>gals who feel sorta the same way I do?
>Paul

	It is excellent that you have gotten through enough of your
recovery to be able to put the abuse second, and not first in your
thoughts.  Many people still can't....

	More power to you......

		-Suki

-- 
	>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Suki<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
		    blaze@westmark.stanford.edu  or
		 anonymus+284@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu.
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 20:56:25 EDT
From: <PXF3@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: A thought

I haven't been around much for the last couple of months, but just thought
I'd check in.  I have a thought about why some of us seem to dwell on things
in the past.  It's the denial of others that causes this.  For example, when
someone dies, you feel grief and a lot of pain if you cared for that person.
And most compassionate people respect your pain and you gradually get
through it.  But what if someone you loved died and most of the people
around you told you (while you were grieving) that your grief was not a good
thing and you should forget the person who had died and just get on with
your life and stop dwelling in the past.

Or (and this is common) did you ever see a little kid fall down and skin her
knee and then her mom, instead of comforting her, tries to convince her that
it's nothing and doesn't really hurt.  Of course the kid will cry even
harder cause it does hurt and she knows it.

Now take the abuse we're all trying to grow beyond.  If people we care about
(friends, family, SOs, whatever) deny our pain, surely it prolongs the grief
process because then we feel so alone.

The two people who make me feel best about all this are my hubby, who took a
course in recognizing symptoms of sexual abuse for work (teacher) and
recognized me before I recognized myself.  He never pushed, but when I
started recalling stuff when my dughter was born (I think I instinctively
wanted to remember so I'd protect her) he was very supportive and never once
denied my pain.  That made it a lot easier to get it out and deal with it.

The other person who makes me feel terrific is my daughter.  She brings so
much joy into the present that I can finally give up the past.

My parents, however, are stuck in denial and it still hurts (a lot) to be
around them, so I avoid them.

Somehow it all works pretty well.  I still have some pain, but in all I'm
happier than I ever thought I'd ever be.  It's possible to outgrow the
painful childhood.  Just make sure you don't believe the people who want to
deny your pain _for_ you.  They're not doing you a favor.

Take care everyone.  E-hugs if you want them.

Paula
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: why am I confused?
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 06:00:36 GMT

In article <1992Sep29.214334.7188@iscsvax.uni.edu> lines9933@iscsvax.uni.edu writes:
>Hi,
>    Why is it that I feel bad about myself when my fiancee' wants sex and I do
>not?  Because of her abuse and my abuse, this feeling is mutual.  Why is that
>so?  I do not understand.  I mean we are both seeking help for our abuse.  Will
>this feeling stop in time, or is it something that will never go away.
>                                   M.
>

I can offer a couple of hypotheses, but you and your fiancee will have to do
your own introspection. 

You might check to see if you react like that (perhaps more mildly) to
wanting _anything_ and being turned down. I have a friend who was raised
to believe that if A requests something from B and B refuses, then one
of them has made a serious faux pas.

Also, if you're Americans, you've both grown up in a culture where it's
assumed that _normal_ people want sex all the time, and it's very 
important to be _normal_. (I know that there's also anti-sexual condition-
ing.) 

Such feelings can go away (or at least become much weaker) as you find
out that they have no realistic basis. 

Nancy Lebovitz





Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery,alt.sex.bondage,alt.personals,alt.personals.ads,alt.personals.bondage,alt.personals.poly,alt.polyamory
From: howeird@hplabsz.hpl.hp.com
Subject: Re: Important ACS update (godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu)
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1992 20:55:20 GMT
Organization: HP Research Grants Program

According to blaze@westmark.Stanford.EDU (Suki):
>	Ja Val, Mein Heir...
>
>	Jeez Karl!  I realize that you are running a _service_, and 
>that you are doing this out of the generosity of your soul...but
>you're sure being a dictator about it....
Oh Suki, give the guy a break! The purpose of the posting service is to let
people post anonymously the same stuff they would have posted normally. And
normally it's pretty rare for anyone to do more than one test in a given
conference area.

Tests waste disk space and transmit time on every machine they is sent to.
Not to mention the time it takes to skip over them.
================================================================ 
Howard Stateman    howeird@hpl.HP.COM  [Not an HP spokesman]
"I have the heart of a little child, and the brain of a genius
                     -- and I keep them in a jar under my bed"
================================================================ 
Anatomically Correct Bulletin Board (415) 8-jovial [Adults only]
================================================================
From: tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: hello
Date: 29 Sep 92 03:15:26 GMT

anon-1259@twwells.com writes:
> Hi 
> This is my first posting.
> Any MPD's out there???  Survivors of cult/ritualistic abuse??
> Is this the appropriate place to discuss it?

yes to both-
drop me e-mail if you like.
and this is the apropriate place to discuss it, I think...
I talk about it, sorta....when I feel safe....(its getting better in here, I
think)