From: cbbrowne@csi.uottawa.ca (Christopher Browne)
Subject: Re: What do you do when your child thinks Metallica is cool?
Organization: Dept. of Computer Science, University of Ottawa
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 92 05:30:07 GMT

Attributions may not necessarily be perfectly referenced: Beware! (in
love :-))

In article <11NOV199221122356@rosie.uh.edu> math1rb@rosie.uh.edu writes:
>In article <1992Nov11.232206.15547@wdl.loral.com>, hgs@wdl1.wdl.loral.com (Harry Salvini) writes...
>>In article <nestabro.721489742@nova>, nestabro@nova.gmi.edu (Noel Estabrook) writes:
>>> 
>>> math1rb@jane.uh.edu (92F07486) writes:
>>> 
>>> > Well what I say is let your kid listen to what they want. Take an interest
>>> >in it, after all he'll listen to it just to spite ya. Like someone once
>>> >said some of the most christian people they knew weren't Christians.

The suggestion to "take an interest" is certainly a good one.  The
lack of this is probably the BIGGEST reason why kids and parents don't
get along.

If you DON'T take an interest, you might as well forget about having
any influence on 'em.  If your kids are also your friends, they might
not feel like "spiteing ya."

I'm being charitable to these remarks...  They're not terribly
supportive, unfortunately.

>>A couple of years ago, I attended a seminar about music by Al Minccioni (sp?)
>>at a local church (Fremont, CA Assembly of God).
>> 
>>His talk was very thought provoking in that he mentioned a GAP between the
>>"older" and "younger" generations.  If I tell my teenager that he can't
>>listen to some particular music, or can't do something, that will generally
>>produce some type of rebellion, which won't solve the problem.
>
>What's wrong with bucking authority? 

That depends.

If it's God's authority that's being "bucked," that's bad news.

If we're talking about refusing to go along with the "older
generation" because you actually have a better idea, it may be all
right. 

A lot of the "youth rebellion" that I see these days reflects
rebellion just for the sake of rebellion.  "Bucking authority" just to
annoy the grown-ups is pretty childish.  And I doubt God is very happy
with it.

>>On the other hand, as Noel states, when we "train up our child", that must
>>be done while he is yet a young child, not influenced by the "world".
>> 
>>My suggestion is to go over the music with him/her, reading the words and ask
>>the question: "is this what you want to live by?", and if so, discuss why you
>>disagree.

Excellent idea.  Far better than the classic "Turn that garbage down
up there!"  It shows:
  a) That you're concerned enough that you're willing to spend time
  outside your "comfort zone."

  b) That you're willing to let the child be involved with the
  decision.

  It may seem easier to simply "forbid" it, but it's VERY
  valuable if everyone is able to agree that "this is pretty offensive
  stuff."

  c) It's a chance to discuss what is good and what is not, with a
  "live example" to look at.

Even if you "agree to disagree," it clarifies the issue.  If you say
"No Metallica," you'll at least have some background information that
may be useful for enforcement.

>I think here is where we need to make some distinctions. First lets
>separate all the people who have grown up in major cities, and those
>who grew up in the more rural areas.
>
>  Because first off, its not "how" they want to live their life, it what
>life is really like! And no I'm not talking about the likes of ohh Slayer
>or Celtic frost the truely Santanic bands. I mean even rap has some merit
>because its not saying what is good, its telling the story of their lives.

Rural versus urban?!?

What people like to listen to may be partly related to the nature of
their surroundings, but it may also be related to what they CHOOSE.

Theological "wars" have been fought over whether man has "Free Will"
or not.  Based on the conclusions I've seen, there are theological
arguments in both directions.  In practice, it certainly LOOKS like
people have at least SOME free will.

"How they want to live their life" IS a relevant factor.

>  Second, most kids don't listen to this stuff till they are at least in
>their teens. Most don't even start listening till around the age that they
>are supposed to be seen as "adults" in the eyes of the church. I think a
>13 year old is mature enough to make up their own mind about what they want
>to listen to, that is of course if you as the parent have been teaching them
>all since the day they were born what is right and what is wrong.

Ideally, they ought to have some good ideas as to what is right and
what is wrong by the "teen years."  That doesn't mean they have
nothing to learn - I'm considerably past the "teen years," and I figure
I still have some things to learn.

Age isn't all that relevant.  Maturity is more relevant, and that's
something that might come at a young age, or that in some cases
refuses to come.

>>The point is, keep the communication open, don't be a stumbling
>>block in your kids mind.

Well put.  There may be a time to say "Enough!", but that's not the
place to start.

-- 
Christopher Browne                |     PGP 2.0 key available
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