HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: anon-1012@twwells.com (All Me of Us)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: the end is in sight (good news)
Date: 8 Oct 92 23:12:49 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Hi everyone--

Over the past several months I've occasionally alluded to the
fact that I'm going through a divorce, and that it is definitely
*not* fun.  Well, the end is in sight.  Last Thursday my attorney
called and said that my ex had agreed to a settlement "with one
minor change" (which will cost me a few thousand dollars extra).
At first I was angry; I've said all along that I knew he'd only
agree if he thought he had the last word.  The anger came in part
because I really didn't want to be right about that.

Anyhow, after talking to several people about it, I agreed to
his "minor change" and realized that it's not a bad settlement
at all, all things considered.  From the start, I said I wanted
two things: to keep the house and for it to be over.  Well, it
looks like I'll get both.

I signed a formal divorce settlement agreement yesterday; as soon
as he signs it, I'll give him the money for his part of the house
and I can close the refinancing.  I am so relieved.

Now I'm starting to look ahead; I'm really scared about what's
next.  I don't know what my life will look like.  Most of the
time I don't want to; living one day at a time has worked for
me relatively well for a while so far.  But I get caught up
in future-tripping so easily...

Anyhow, I just wanted to let you all know the latest developments.
Thanks for being there.  Hugs to those who want them.


All Me of Us




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From: sfjr@wam.umd.edu (Sherri)
Subject: Re: --none given--
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 01:21:42 GMT

In article <Bw2KML.It3.2@cs.cmu.edu> anonymus+1401@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (darkangel) writes:
>Thanks to everyone who answered my previous posts..I have to say I'm surprised
>at the responses and support from people who don't even know me...
>
>
>:)
>
>darkangel
>-- 


And I wasn't one of them, but I really want to welcome you to asar
darkangel.  I have really benefitted from your posts, even though 
I haven't actually been able to respond to them (I've had a hard time
responding to any posts lately cause i'm having a pretty rough time
right now), but I want you to know that your posts have meant a lot to
me and that I care about you.  I'm really glad you're here

Sherri



Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: idx009@cck.coventry.ac.uk (the Crisco Kid)
Subject: Re: Falling off the edge ...... plink!
Organization: Eris's Restaurant
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 19:42:46 GMT

In article <4OCT199211371549@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov> aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline) writes:
>In article <BvKM1x.Mr8@twwells.com>, anon-1055@twwells.com (m&m) writes...
>>That's the issue.  Simon & Garfunkel's song "I am a rock, I am an Island" was
>>my theme song for years.  I am so tempted to go back, but if I do Michael
>>will die, but if I don't it'll hurt so bad I'll die anyway!!!
>
>Someone else who used that as a theme song?  Wow!  I thought I was the only 
>one.

And I make three...

>>Why the fuck can't anybody care about me??!?!
>>Why won't they show me ?!?!?!

Sometimes it's very hard to see that people do care about me.
Sometimes it's very hard to let people see that I do care about them.
Sometimes it's very hard to remember these facts.

>I care about you.

I'll try to.

>>ps I could sure use a hug 
>***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***

<HUG!>
				Kay
-- 
6'2", dark short hair, blue eyes, bisexual and horny as ....
Kay Dekker, Dept of Industrial Design, Coventry University, Coventry UK
37 Old Winnings Road, Keresley Village, Coventry   |B0 f t+ g++ k++! s+ e r p!
Phone: +44 203 838668 (work) +44 203 337865 (home) |Deflowerer-of-innocents
From: anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: File 18
Date: 16 Oct 92 15:44:32 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes




Galileo

Thanks for the clarification!

>Sorry for the rant, but I don't think the dissemination of this kind
>of fantasy is helpful. It just scares people and diverts attention from
>real issues around incest and abuse to the ravings of religious
>conspiracy buffs. What next -- a credulous posting about people who've 
>been abducted by UFOs and molested by space aliens?

No, you'll have to check out alt.alien.visitors for that....    ;)

						Anika



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton)
Subject: To darkangel
Organization: Supercomputer Systems Division (SSD), Intel
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 20:17:02 GMT

> 
> this is for Peter(?)...
> 
> 
> thanks...
> 
> but, in accepting me, haven't you also really accepted yourself?  :)

Yes and no.  I have this marvellous way of accepting myself vicariously.
It's not quite as scary as affirming myself directly :-)

> 
> and there is no reason for you to feel guilty....
> you were a child, you were hurt, and you were offered comfort(unfortunately, by
> those who hurt you...which just confuses things.).  So naturally, you accepted that comfort.  Because you
> were hurt...not because you accepted what they had done to you..(how could
> you?? you were a child...and you really have to try to remember that.)
> 
> 
> (and, believe me..I know this all makes sense in terms of logic...but actually
> feeling that it is true is the hard part...
> I'm working on that one myself.)
> 

I *was* a child and he was/is a megolomaniac.  You're right, I did what I could
to take care of myself.  He (and she) were in the wrong.  The far wrong...

> Maybe the way they acted after abusing you would make more sense to you if you
> knew their motives...(?)

I think the way they acted afterward had to do more with their own guilt
than it did with loving me.  My parents are incapable of loving people
in many fundamental ways.  Of course all of this sounds great when I'm in 
a good place...

> 
> Again, here I wish I could help..but I'm not clear on this myself yet.
> 
> (and it feels kind of strange knowing I'm writing to an electronic
> phantom...even though I know there is actually someone who will read
> this...which seems even funnier since I don't do well with people I don't
> know.. :) )

Well, I'm glad you wrote.  It's affirming to know that someone *I* don't
know thinks I'm OK.  Thank you, darkangel.

> 
> I hope some of this makes sense....
> 

Indeed it does.  Makes it a little less painful too.

> 
> darkangel 
> 

Peter Warton

P.S.  If you'd like to talk via email (off-net as it were) let me know...
-- 
Peter Warton  (NO H!)		    | Against my better judgement (not to
warton@ssd.intel.com		    | mention the advice of my friends) I
				    | speak for myself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: will it be a chanb. or combo
Date: 15 Oct 92 18:18:01 GMT
Organization: Supercomputer Systems Division (SSD), Intel

In article <1992Oct15.174944.17230@muddcs.claremont.edu> uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu (Lydia Uribe) writes:
>In article <1992Oct15.161533.12585@zip.eecs.umich.edu> fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Dr. Matt) writes:
>>and one classical composer, for what its worth
>
>(Hi, Matt! ;-)
>
>And one classical soprano/mezzo-soprano....
>
>To sort of get this back on track, is there anybody else out there who uses
>music as a therapeutic tool?  I find that, when I start getting *really*
>depressed and down on myself, singing will usually help relieve it (even
>when nothing else does).
>
>					Lydia

You beat me to the post!  One of main theraputic tools (which I use only
when I'm alone) is music.  I play the french horn and am a mock pianist.
I find that playing will often bring to the surface ideas, memories, or
emotions which were waiting to come into my conciousness/heart.  And one
of the few ways I will let myself cry is when I am listening to certain
pieces of music at certain decibel levels.  If anyone is interested, I
can post a list of classical pieces I use as music therapy.

-- 
Peter Warton  (NO H!)		    | Against my better judgement (not to
warton@ssd.intel.com		    | mention the advice of my friends) I
				    | speak for myself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: anonasar@khijol.UUCP (Anonymous poster for alt.sexual.abuse.recovery)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: (fwd) File 18 is not credible
Date: 16 Oct 92 18:29:51 GMT

X-ANON-Version: 0.5

> File 18 is a newsletter published by right-wing fundamentalists with
> little regard for common sense, let alone facts. It has little
> credibility among most police officers. File 18's editors explicitly
> counsel police that the only effective way to fight Satanic crime is
> through the saving power of Jesus Christ. You can find similar charges
> and attitudes in the New Federalist (Lyndon Larouche's paper). Before you
> accept the veracity of such material, I strongly recommend reading
> "In Pursuit of Satan" by Robert D. Hicks (Promethius Press). Hicks
> is a police consultant and former officer who has thoroughly researched
> the Satanic cult scare. 

That's the point, but this kind of stuff is being presented as "fact", and
hysterical posts that we saw here a couple of weeks ago didn't help.  It's
nice to see some facts posted (for a change!) instead of hysterical ranting
and flaming and crapola.

I think I'll make a run today to my local bookstore and see if I can find
"In Pursuit of Satan".  Thanks again for the references!

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From: blackbourner@bvc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Child  *****  !!! SPOILER !!!  *****
Date: 9 Oct 92 10:21:13 CDT
Organization: Buena Vista College, Storm Lake, IA

> I *must* face it, I must face it and I have to write it down here and now.
> 
> I *LIKED* the sexy things he did to me. Though I didn't know anything
> about sex, and had no idea what the word sexy meant, he made me feel
> so good in ways that no one else did. Some of the things he did to me
> then are among the things that I love having done to me now. This guy
> knew how to push the right buttons. If he had been a normal guy who 
> liked women, he'd have been the most popular guy in town. Instead, he
> used all his talents on me. And I loved it. I think sexuality is
> instinctual, and I was responding to that instinct, even though I was
> a tiny little girl. 



This struck me so hard! I liked the sexy things my perp. to me. He made me 
feel good, too. This whole paragraph could have been written my be. Why do 
these peolple do this to  kids. I must stop before I start crying in front 
of my friend at the next  terminal.

 Erin Sue
From: anon-1159@twwells.com (Kristian)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Therapeutic Music (was Chamber or Combo?)
Date: 16 Oct 92 20:12:36 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

"Pity the  Child"  from  the musical _Chess_ and "Where I Want to
Be" (that's one  of  the lines of the chorus, not the actual song
title) from the same  musical  do  it  for me.  They could almost
have  been  written specifically with survivors of abuse in  mind
(especially men).

"I don't remember Christmas" (I  don't  know the author, but Joan
Morris sings it on her "LimeJello" album)  certainly could strike
home with a kind of savage, bitter note for anyone who has seen 
a relationship break up.  As a plea  for gentleness "Tell Me On A
Sunday" from _Song And Dance_ moves me to tears every time.

Kristian



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote)
Subject: Re: males only: shaving
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 19:41:38 GMT

[cloister bell talks about possible compulsive part of shaving ]

I have a couple of similar compulsive behavior patterns that have been
really difficult for me to break.  Another book that really hit it on
the head for me was Charles Whitmann's HEALING THE CHILD WITHIN.  In fact
it was while reading this book that I finally saw the mechanism behind my
behaviors and that has really helped me in accepting myself and lvoing
myself (I said helped ... like yesterday morning I looked in the mirror
while shaving and really liked the person smiling back, this morning I
didn't like that person nearly so much oh well, ce la vie !)

--
Fare Well
Mike Stoughton
stote@den.mmc.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: ASAR good survival seal of approval
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 18:31:37 GMT

anon-1159@twwells.com (Kristian) writes:

>I don't know whether ASAR has an official seal of approval for 
>particularly helpful postings, but I think it would be a great idea.

hm...  i disagree with this.  i think that it would introduce too much politics
and judgementalism into asar to have a seal of approval.  who would be in
charge of giving it out?  also, i think that it is important for people to make
their own decisions about what is relevant to their healing.  it is good
practice for people who were never allowed by their perps to make decisions
(about their sexuality, for instance).  also, the last thing (imho) someone
needs who is a little unsure of themselves to begin with is a seal of approval
sitting on a post they don't personally agree with to make them even less sure
of themselves and think "why am i not in tune with this post?  it even has the
seal of approval on it.  what's wrong with me?"  sure, it would be nice if we
could have something like that, but i don't think there's really a way to do it
without introducing some sort of authority figure on asar (which i get the
feeling we don't really want) and without making it harder for some people to
decide which posts are/should be helpful to them.

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton)
Subject: Re: Therapy followup
Organization: Supercomputer Systems Division (SSD), Intel
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 21:28:57 GMT

In article <1992Oct13.202310.24235@reed.edu> bob@reed.edu (Robert Ankeney) writes:

[  Story of therapy and young child memory deleted as sacrifice to the 
   Bandwidth Gods...]

Thanks for the update.  I had a therapy session about two months ago in which
I cried for a good long time because I couldn't believe that someone actually
cared about me the way my therapist does.  Also I think I was experiencing
that sense of loss, because no one *did* care about me the way I wanted them
to.
	That's really interesting about experiencing memories differently
depending on what age they are from.  I have never really thought about
that as it may relate to my own memories.  Thanks for intoducing new food
for thought...

Hugs applied as needed...

-- 
Peter Warton  (NO H!)		    | Against my better judgement (not to
warton@ssd.intel.com		    | mention the advice of my friends) I
				    | speak for myself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: bob@reed.edu (Robert Ankeney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: stuck
Date: 12 Oct 92 17:35:44 GMT
Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon

In article <BvywwL.2p1.2@cs.cmu.edu> anonymus+322@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (poohbear) writes:
>
>Bear began to sigh, and then found he couldn't 
>because he was so tightly stuck; and a tear rolled
>down his eye, as he said:
>"Then would you read a Sustaining Book, such as
>would help and comfort a Wedged Bear in Great
>Tightness?"
>

     But then again, I sometimes think that being stuck isn't such an
awful place.  At least you know where you are.  And in a little time
the swelling goes down and *poof*!  You're no longer stuck!
     Anyway, I think the Pooh books are among the most sustaining ones
I've read.  And then there's the Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff.  It's
helped to make Pooh one of my heroes.  Above even Eeyore.  I'm no
longer content to "just float here down this river..."

     Take care, poohbear!
     Robert

-- 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Robert Ankeney                 | "Yield and overcome.                |
...!tektronix!reed!bob         |  Bend and be straight.              |
...!tektronix!bob@reed.EDU     |  Empty and be full."    - Lao Tzu   |
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: slg@IEDV4.acd.com ( Leigh Grundhoefer   )
Subject: Re: Hello, out there!
Organization: Applied Computing Devices, Inc.
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 21:00:43 GMT

In article <1992Oct15.024116.13108@raven.alaska.edu> fskmt@thelastone.acf-lab.alaska.edu (Kathryn M. Turner) writes:
>Hi, I go by Rowan and I'm a survivor....gee, I don't know what to say....I  
>really like the looks of this newsgroup; I've been eyeing y'all for a  
>month or so.  Anyway, I've been having a pretty rough time of it lately  
>(flashbacks, body memories, wanting to self-mutilate, etc.) and I haven't  
>hooked up with a group or anything yet.  (Well, I'm seeing a counselor,  
>but I think I need more--a community of some kind--even if I can't see  
>your faces:)  Fairbanks doesn't seem to have much.  I think this group  
>might help.  Has anyone else out there been abused only once when they  
>were very small (threeish)?  I'd like to talk....


	Hi Rowan, me too. I tried to email you at
	
	fskmt@thelastone.acf-lab.alaska.edu

	The message bounced:


   ----- Transcript of session follows -----
550 <thelastone.acf-lab.alaska.edu!fskmt>... Host unknown

   ----- Recipients of this delivery -----
   <thelastone.acf-lab.alaska.edu!fskmt>



>                               Please let me know you're out there,
>                                              Rowan

I'm trying,
	leigh
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: will it be a chanb. or combo
Date: 15 Oct 92 07:04:16 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

In article <1992Oct13.160611.23778@genie.slhs.udel.edu>,
nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz) writes:
>In article <BvzwIp.MtD@twwells.com> anon-1296@twwells.com writes:
>>i play the double bass...
>>*acoustic*
>>could i join ?
>>*smile*
>>
>>JASMYNE
>
>I play recorder and piano--I'd like to get in on this, too, if it
>ever happens, even fractionally. Do enough of us go to science fiction
>conventions to make a get-together (even non-musical) feasible?
>
>Nancy Lebovitz
>nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu

Hmmm...  I'm not certian that this belongs here, but I don't know where else to
post it so the ASAR readers who go to SF conventions will see it...

I'm seriously thinking about throwing an @! party at WindyCon.  (November 6,7,8
at the Woodfield Hyatt (Chicagoland area))  If there is any interest in this
from ASAR, or a few people from the sf newsgroups, I'll throw it.  Ya gotta
admit, it would be a convienent place for us to meet, and maybe meet a few
other netters as well...

===========
Krikket (a.k.a. Doug Krick)  ---  krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us
New, Improved, Shortened .Sig File.  Standard disclaimers apply.

"You've got my heart in your hands -- Bleach!" (The Masochism Tango)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: holidays...
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 16:41:11 GMT

In article <mac8RB2w164w@penn.Gwinnett.COM> tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney) writes:
>(for those who do NOT 'believe' in MPD/rit abuse please skip this)
>^l
>(I think that is the right command)
>
>does anyone have problems with this time of the year?
>especially the end of the month...
>yuck, I realize to others it seems silly, but I always get the 'dreads'
>this time of year....(also made worse is my birthday is this month).
>and this year that day (not my bday) falls on a Saturday....I think we/I
>will stay home that night and stay safe....(that celebration seems milder
>when it is NOT on a friday or saturday...)
>
>anyone else? my doc says that this is a bad time of year for most rit
>survivors....any tips? hints? (the alphabet game? :-)

This is hypothetical, since I think that I was abused without ritual,
but why not invent your own holiday to be held on October 31 with
maximally reassuring symbols? Now that I think about it, maybe the
rest of us could use WarmFuzzyDay, too.

                             ---Nancy Lebovitz
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (Ode)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Lyrics for the day (10-15-92)
Date: 16 Oct 92 00:21:24 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Don't know if I can do this every day, but since music is one
of the most important things in my life, I'll try to post them as
much as possible. 

In this song HTR is having an "inner" dialogue rather than speaking
to someone else.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 LET ME KNOW, LOVE


   I wish you could feel what I do now
    Knowing what or why but never how

   It's hard making the emotions turn around
    The ones you want lost and never found

      Ooh can you feel it yet, love?
      Let me know when you do, love

   You know what it's like to disappoint yourself
    You store your confidence on a shelf

   You hate the world for its influence on you
    You hate your heart for betraying you

      Can you feel it yet, love?
      Let me know when you do, love
 
   I can't get rid of those ugly things
    When peace flies over I miss its wings

   I want to be the person in my dreams
    I find it harder than it seems

      Ooh can you feel it yet, love?
      Let me know when you do, love
                                         (c)1984 Happy Rhodes

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 -vickie-



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