From: allen@tessi.com (Allen Warren)
Subject: Re: "my wife and I are pregnant", revisited
Organization: Test Systems Strategies, Inc., Beaverton, Oregon
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 18:45:24 GMT

zippy@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (steven.s.albert) writes:

>All I'm trying to say is that everyone has hot buttons (if I've learned nothing
>else from misc.kids, I've learned that!).  I prefer to give people the benefit
>of the doubt and assume they mean no harm by their words.  This has been an
>interesting discussion on feelings and perceptions.  What saddens me is the
>poor dad who inadventently started it.  I don't know if it was his first or
>not, but we collectively rained on his parade, and that's a shame.

For what it's worth, I believe I'm the "poor dad who inadvertently started it."
I noticed that almost immediately after one of my postings, in which I said
"we're pregnant", Dena expressed her personal views on the phrase.

My wife and I are pregnant (hey, I already said in an earlier posting that she
was the one who wanted to use the term) with our third, and I only was angered
that Dena, in her posting, chose to simply say she didn't like the phrase, without
ever adding something like, "But hey, if you and your wife are comfortable using
the phrase, that's great, but I just happen to personally not like it."  I value
other people's positions and expect the same kind of respect in return.

With that said, and thinking about some of the other posts on this issue, I
will still agree that yes, the woman DOES carry the baby, has to put up with
the kicking of the bladder from the baby, has to put up with morning sickness
(possibly), change in mood swings, lots of getting tired easily, swollen feet,
possible uncomfortableness with change in body size (ESPECIALLY the stage between
finding out of pregnancy and actually "showing"), the Braxton-Hicks contractions
towards the end, the gymnastics of the baby in the last trimester, any complications
at any time during the pregnancy, and any and all other issues I have not mentioned
here but which can occur at any time during and even after the pregnancy (breast
feeding, engorged breasts, etc.).  BUT, I also know what it's like when you already
have at least one older sibling for the baby-to-be and getting up in the middle of
the night for whatever reason because you want your sweet wife to get as much sleep
as she can, rubbing her back because she can't get to sleep yet you can and fight
off sleep to help her get into slumber-time, getting the other kids bathed and ready
for school (making breakfast and lunches), staying home those extra few minutes in
the morning and going into work late so your sweetheart can grab a few extra minutes
of precious sleep, put the kids to bed most nights so your honey can have relaxing
time to let her body rest, rub her tummy just because "it really feels good when 
you do that honey", and in general, just be there for her because it means a lot
to you and you KNOW she's the one who really goes through the hard part.  Yes, I
AM really, really beat after 10-12 hours of crazy work at the office, yet I
know that whatever little I can do to make it easier on my sweetie is really
worth the bags under my eyes and my recent addiction to espresso (even have a 
machine at home now), BUT, we have two really great boys and (looks like)
another boy on the way, so I'll do anything to make this time for my wife easier.
I dunno, maybe that's why she likes to say "we're pregnant", but with everything
else going on, I think we both have the proper perspective on who's really
pregnant here.

allen