HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1992 11:16:45 -0400 
From: "David J. Gilles" <dg4q+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: signs


A few years back a couple of students at Michigan Tech University placed
this sign 4 miles south of Houghton, Michigan (which is way up there) on US41.

                __________________________________
                |                                |
                |                                |
                |  END OF EARTH         2        |
                |                                |
                |  HOUGHTON             4        |
                |                                | 
                |                                |
                ----------------------------------

      ----->> Dave.
From: z_maraiajj@ccsvax.sfasu.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: MORE BRAIN DAMAGE
Date: 23 Jul 92 01:27:19 GMT
Organization: Stephen F. Austin State University

WHEN YOU DIE, YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR HEAD DONATED TO SCIENCE.  I HEAR THEY'RE
TRYING TO COME UP WITH THE PERFECT VACUUM.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jsandler@encore.com (Jeff Sandler)
Subject: Re: chicken/egg debate
Organization: Encore Computer Corporation
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 17:03:39 GMT

snail@lsl.co.uk writes:

>In article <1992Jul27.034602.3437@cs.uow.edu.au>, u9147063@cs.uow.edu.au (Richard Barry Ling) writes:
>> rhall@ruacad.ac.runet.edu (Robert Hall) writes:
>> 
>> Eggs were invented over 1 billion years ago by marine invertebrates.

>Er.. Invented? who holds the patents? :)

>snail@lsl.co.uk
I do.
Everyone who has been using my invention without my expressed, written
consent must send $10 per egg used to me.
I accept credit card payments.  Send your credit card number to
the address in my .signature.

:)


--
Jeff Sandler                            |   Go Florida State Seminoles!
jsandler@encore.com                     |   Go Mets! (Until Marlins start)
Encore Computer Corp.; Plantation, FL   |   Go Dolphins!     Go Heat!
From: rybicki@uctvax.uct.ac.za
Newsgroups: rec.humor,from.socal.com
Subject: Re: A puzzling question
Date: 22 Jul 92 18:10:10 +0200
Organization: University of Cape Town

In article <jhainey.02n5@guild.socal.com>, 
jhainey@guild.socal.com (Jay Hainey) writes:
> I have often wondered about the phraze I am about to post.  
I have spent many hours of relentless puzzlement over this simple phraze.
> 
> If you ignore someone, does that make you ignorant?
> 

We are ignoring you.  You are ignorant.  And you spell funny.

 _________________________________________________________________________
|                                 |                                       |
|  Ed Rybicki                     |    Now you've got the hang of it      |
|  Dept Microbiology              | There's nothing you can't do with it  |
|  University of Cape Town        |         If you're very into it        |
|  PB Rondebosch 7700             |         You can't go wrong....        |
|  South Africa                   |                                       |
|  fax 27 21 650 4023             |              - Mad John               |
|  ed@micro.uct.ac.za             | (Ogden's Nut-Gone Flake, Small Faces) |
|_________________________________|_______________________________________|
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mosbrook@beach.csulb.edu (Brent Mosbrook)
Subject: Re: REQUEST: make like a _____ 
Organization: Cal State Long Beach
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1992 22:36:54 GMT


make like an abortion and cut out


sorry, I'm only interested in the sick ones... not the make like a bucket and
bail type!!

--
+--------------------------------------+
|  Brent Mosbrook    KC6MWK            |
|         mosbrook@beach.csulb.edu     |
+--------------------------------------+
 
-- 
+--------------------------------------+
|  Brent Mosbrook    KC6MWK            |
|         mosbrook@beach.csulb.edu     |
+--------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: BETTER
From: z_maraiajj@ccsvax.sfasu.edu
Date: 24 Jul 92 09:38:17 CST
Organization: Stephen F. Austin State University

I'VE UPPED MY STANDARDS.  UP YOURS.
From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Joke
Keywords: What Happened?
Date: 31 Jul 92 00:26:32 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

In article <10025@jt_home.uucp> dtyler%jt_home.uucp@amber.athena.lkg.dec.com (David Tyler) writes:
|Hey guys, I posted a joke and it was thrown out! It happened twice with two
|jokes I posted! Their going into the "black hole". Can someone tell me what
|is the problem?. Thanx.
|
|Joke: What goes 9,999 thump, 9,999 thump?
|
|A MILLIPEDE WITH A WOODEN LEG!!!!!!!!!

Of course the joke when into a black hole.  It sucked.

-- 
+============================================================================++
| John Fereira            "Is that all you ever think about?"                |
| johnf@auspex.com                                                           |
+============================================================================++
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: holger@is.morgan.com (Holger Veith)
Subject: Re: Heaven/Hell nationalities wanted
Organization: Morgan Stanley - IS
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 18:49:29 GMT

In article <14qckcINNn6k@agate.berkeley.edu>, peterme@ocf.berkeley.edu (Peter D. Merholz) writes:
|> Does anyone have a good list of the "In heaven, the French cook, Italians
|> are lovers, etc. while in Hell, the Germans are lovers, the Italians are

Germans are the lovers ?  What is so funny about that?

Holger.

-- 
/////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
!                                                                !
!   To invest ... or not to invest ... THAT is the que$tion !    !
!                                      ----                      !
!                                                                !
!                                        Holger W. Veith         !
!                                        holger@is.morgan.com    !
!                                        H:212-721-1026          !
!                                                                !
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/////////////////////////////////
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bgarfink@copper.ucs.indiana.edu (beth diane garfinkel)
Subject: Re: Band Names
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Sat, 25 Jul 1992 22:49:45 GMT

The two Oberlin close-harmony a capella choirs:

The Obertones (male)
Nothin' but Treble (female; their original name was "The Fruit Loops")

Some band names from my Boston days:

Screaming Headless Torsos
The Honking Mallards (A saxophone quartet that played 40's jazz)
Fat Elvis
The Nuclear Bebop Quartet
Aardvark

And a local Bloomington band:

Jif and the Choosy Mothers

							Beth
-- 
"Nobody worried about being mugged by a white-haired lady wearing white
gloves and a straw hat with a veil. (After Easter, Anyway)"
From: speers@opus.mcds.com (Daniel E. Speers)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Road signs
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 92 20:46:59 EDT
Organization: Dan's Domain, Randolph, New Jersey

dan@resonex.com (Dan Kell) writes:

> They have this sign all the Boston area.
> 
> 		Densely
> 		Settled
> 		 Area
> 
> 
> How surprising! I still don't know what your suppposed to do about this.
> Does this mean drive faster or that you get fewer points for peds?

  I saw this one also near Boston & Cape Cod:

            Reduced Salt Area

  What, is now a law that I've gotta be on a low salt diet
while travelling through here??????
From: 11srust@gallua.gallaudet.edu (Scott A. Rust)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Welcome to Hell
Summary: Where in the "Inferno" is this?
Keywords: Net Overusers, Satan, Eternal Damnation
Date: 30 Jul 92 17:16:28 GMT
Followup-To: alt.censorship
Organization: Gallaudet University English Dept

In article <MICHAEL.92Jul29173806@marcel.bu.edu>, michael@marcel.bu.edu (Michael Chaplin) writes:
> In article <1992Jul29.202810.2871@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> satan@hell.gov (Satan) writes:
> 
>   =Welcome to Hell, readers of alt.censorship. Since your main offense on
>   =earth was spending too much time reading the .net, we have special 
>   =punishments for you. In fact, we are so nice, we will give you a 
>   =choice of three rooms.
> 
>   =Room 1: Ed Nigles explains to you how racism is a system, the first
>   =amendment doesnt cover hate speech, and how using killfiles is a form
>   =of censorship that makes you a hypocrite. You are allowed to respond in
>   =this one, but of course, you will never convince ed that he is wrong,
>   =even on the slightest point.
> 
>   =Room 2: Maynard and Ralph Winston attempt to get you to join b-cpu, and
>   =explain that Hitler wasnt that bad a guy, after all. Once again, you are
>   =allowed to respond, but ralph will savage your arguments by pointing out
>   =how all the 'evidence' you use is just an elaborate forgery on the part
>   =of the zionist controlled media.
> 
>   =Room 3: Ed Nigles and Ralph Winston argue with each other for eternity. NO
>   =audience participation is allowed.
> 
>   =Enjoy your stay in hell....
> 
>   =-Satan
> 
> Hot Damn....
> 
> chaplin.
> --
> ===============================================================================
> Michael Chaplin                    Language is a virus from outer space.
> michael@albert.bu.edu                     - William S. Burroughs
> 
> The Einstein Papers Project        The opinions contained herein reflect
> Boston University                      neither those of the project, 
> Boston, Massachusetts, USA             nor those of Albert Einstein.
-- 

	Hot Damn is right! You know, of all the times I've read Dante, 
		I just can't seem to remember the description of the circle of
			Hell for Net users who Net too much.
                                Now we know.
____________________

************************************************************************
* Scott A. Rust       *11srust@gallua.gallaudet.edu * "A stupid person *   
* Gallaudet University *****************************   can do anything *
* Kendall Green        *"Are you deaf or something?"*   except think"  *
* Washington DC 20002  *      "Huh?"                *   -Bob Dobbs, Jr.*
************************************************************************        
          "O che sciagura d'essere senza coglioni!"
						     -Voltaire
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: pw15@cunixb.cc.columbia.edu (Philip  Wang)
Subject: Re: French Jokes
Reply-To: pw15@cunixb.cc.columbia.edu (Philip  Wang)
Organization: Columbia University
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 16:52:16 GMT

>pw15@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Philip  Wang) writes:
>> 
>> >>A man bought three kittens and brought them home.  One day, he was 
>> >>outside working on the yard, and the kittens decided to play in the
>> >>fountain.  The kittens fell in and started drowning, so the man had
>> >>to save them.  He told them, "You better not play in the fountain
>> >>because I might not be here to save you next time."
>> >>
>> >>A few weeks later, the kittens decided to play in the fountain again.
>> >>They fell in, and a stranger saw them, but he got there too late to save
>> >>them.  The stranger went up to the front door, and when the man answered,
>> >>the stranger said, "Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq."
>> >>
>> >Maybe I'm just not with it today but I don't actually get this joke.......
>> >-- 
>> Maybe if Roger had mentioned that there were actually four kittens and that 
>> their names were Un, Deux, Trois, and Quatre...
>
>No, there are three.  If the french is mispronounced, you get "Un, deux,
>trois, cats sank"
>
Well, not mispronounced, but perhaps a different dialect of French (ie note how
people in Georgia pronounce words differently from people in Bahstan <|-)= ).

Oh, yeah, another French joke. While we have Polish jokes et al. French people
have Belgian jokes. The joke goes, loosely translated, something like this:

How can you tell if a shoe store is owned by a French or Belgian?

The Belgian is selling shoeboxes.

The Belgians respond with "The French are buying the shoeboxes."

Depending on which side of the border you happen to be, French and Belgian can
be transposed.

philip
"Inside the power cage, I can feel the music call my rage
It's paranoid, first degree. It's telling me that I'm not free.
I've got heavy metal music in my blood and I like to get it to you if I could"
-Holocaust, "Heavy Metal Mania" ||||||||| pw15@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu |||||||||
From: heflingb@columbia.dsu.edu (Brian Hefling)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: RE: Jokes Mailing List
Date: 27 Jul 92 13:59:05 GMT
Organization: Dakota State University

Please add my name to the Jokes mailing list also ---

Thanx in Advance (TIA)...
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: prasad@sbgrad10.cs.sunysb.edu (Prasad Rao)
Subject: Re: NAMES - FUNNY
Organization: State University of New York at Stony Brook
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 19:50:11 GMT

Anybody remember the catch-22 character Major Major Major Major?
Prasad



Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ba07479@bingsuns.cc.binghamton.edu (ba07479)
Subject: Changed Road Signs.
Organization: Binghamton University Computing Services
	<Jul.22.13.34.41.1992.25443@yoko.rutgers.edu>
	<92205.120927MDSQC@CUNYVM.BITNET> <1992Jul24.173254.2598@hou.amoco.com>
Date: Sun, 26 Jul 1992 21:49:09 GMT

A	In Paris, every bus and metro car has a sign over certain
seats explaining that they are reserved (1) for war wounded, (2) for
the blind (3) for pregnant women and persons accompanied by children
under the age of four. This, of course, inspires images of a blind man
fighting with a pregnant woman over a seat, and shows you how silly
French bureaucrats can be.
	The funny part is that the French for disabled veteran is:
A
		MUTILES DE GUERRE  "mutilated ones of war"
A
Someone had taken an Xacto knife to one of these and changed it to:
A
		MUTILES DE CUL     "mutilated ones of ass"

which translates to "people with mutilated asses."

	This probably isn't nearly as funny in translation, but those
of you who know enough French should appreciate it.

Angus Grieve-Smith

ba07479@bingsuns.cc.binghamton.edu

P.S. To all those who posted that they wanted to be on this mailing
list thing, couldn't you have Emailed instead of cluttering up the
Net? :) AGS

P.P.S. Next time you quote someone, try and delete the non-relevent
parts of their post (especially headers and .sigs)! :) AGS
From: lou@netlink.cts.com (Louis Puccio)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: sexist jokes
Date: 27 Jul 92 23:26:17 GMT
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

mowbray@ac.dal.ca writes:

> 
> 	I am currently in a situation where all the staff are female
> and I am the token male......!!!!!!! Humour takes the form of anti-male
> jokes. I would appreciate a listing of female jokes. Understand that they
> should not be highly offensive..just....anti-female...sic 'Battle of the
> Sexes' type stuff.
> 
> 	For example one that got laid on me was:
> 
> 	Gode created ADAM and informed him that he had given him a brain
> and a penis. The brain was a good gift as it allowed him to do many things.
> The penis was also a good thing as it allowed the race to continue. The
> problem was that He (God) had only given ADAM enough of a blood supply
> so that he could only use one of them at a time........
> 
> 	HELP HERE IS URGENTLY REQUIRED AS I HAVE DECLARED WAR ON THE REST
> OF THE STAFF!!!!!


....are there any job openings there?
Actually, now that I think of it, there MUST be lots of 'openings' at your 
office! the question is, are they 'filled'?
:>

--                    
INTERNET:  lou@netlink.cts.com (Louis)
UUCP:   ...!nosc!ryptyde!netlink!lou
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
From: syspb@smartstar.com (Paul)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Rodney Dangerfield
Date: 22 Jul 92 17:28:18 GMT
Organization: none

In the movie 'Back to School', Rodney Dangerfield was sitting in a hot tub
with some good looking coed girls.  He asks one of the girls what her major
was, and she said Poetry.  He says 'Oh, well maybe you can help me straighten
out my Longfellow'.  A while later, he goes underwater with a diving mask.
He comes up out of the water and says 'Now that's what I call Marine Biology'.
From: jhainey@guild.socal.com (Jay Hainey)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,from.socal.com
Subject: A puzzling question
Date: 21 Jul 92 09:04:22 PST
Organization: TheGuild[FTS]

I have often wondered about the phraze I am about to post.  I have spent many hours of relentless puzzlement over this simple phraze.

If you ignore someone, does that make you ignorant?

Any suggestions?

jhainey@socal.guild.com

--- Via UCI v1.03 (C-Net Amiga)
From: dbushong@wang.com (Dave Bushong)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Requesting sexist jokes
Date: 30 Jul 92 14:11:01 GMT
Organization: Wang Labs, Lowell MA, USA

suziq@pyrite.SOM.CWRU.Edu (Sue Kwak) writes:

>Since we have a request for sexist jokes against the women.  I'm
>requesting sexist jokes against men.

Sue, you ignorant slut.  There are no such jokes.
-- 
==========================================================================
Dave Bushong, KZ1O@K1UGM.MA         +    No .sig, no tattoo, 
Wang Laboratories, Inc.             +        no bald spot, no nothin!!
Internet: dbushong@wang.com         +-------------------------------------
Project leader, OCR Products        + (reserved for future expansion)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bgarfink@copper.ucs.indiana.edu (beth diane garfinkel)
Subject: Re: French Jokes
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Sat, 25 Jul 1992 23:06:58 GMT

My mother told me the following:

"One egg is enough for a Frenchman."
-- 
"Nobody worried about being mugged by a white-haired lady wearing white
gloves and a straw hat with a veil. (After Easter, Anyway)"
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ara@wam.umd.edu (Ford Prefect)
Subject: Re: MESSAGE FOR WOMEN
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1992 18:40:03 GMT

>>A WOMAN IS OFTEN MEASURED by the things she cannot control.  She is measured
>>by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat or straight
>>or round.  She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers, by all
>>the outer things that don't ever add up to who she is on the inside, and
>>so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can 
>>control, by who she is and who she is trying to become, because as every 
>>woman knows, measurements are only statistics, and STATISTICS LIE.
>
>Now THAT'S funny!
>
>-- 
>Larry A. Gilmore             Internet: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com

I would like to invite any woman with good STATISTICS to lie on me.
-ara

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: pw15@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Philip  Wang)
Subject: Re: Baby jokes wanted
Reply-To: pw15@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Philip  Wang)
Organization: Columbia University
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 13:30:46 GMT

Grosser than that?
He regurgutates it all!

Grosser than that?
He goes back and eats it!

        .
        .
        .

What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of
bricks?

You can't remove the bricks with a pitchfork.

philip

"Inside the power cage, I can feel the music call my rage
It's paranoid, first degree. It's telling me that I'm not free.
I've got heavy metal music in my blood and I like to get it to you if I could"
-Holocaust, "Heavy Metal Mania" ||||||||| pw15@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu |||||||||
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: logan@wpi.WPI.EDU (Stealthy Belligerence)
Subject: Re: Heaven/Hell nationalities wanted
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 16:30:28 GMT

In article <1992Jul27.144929@is.morgan.com> holger@is.morgan.com (Holger Veith) writes:
>In article <14qckcINNn6k@agate.berkeley.edu>, peterme@ocf.berkeley.edu (Peter D. Merholz) writes:
>|> Does anyone have a good list of the "In heaven, the French cook, Italians
>|> are lovers, etc. while in Hell, the Germans are lovers, the Italians are
>
>Germans are the lovers ?  What is so funny about that?
>
>Holger.

No NO, in heaven the germans are the mechanics and in hell
the germans are the police.

-xmas

[C-x i .sig]
	WUB, Wub, wub, wub, wub, wub,  
          Christopher Smith     SDF-7     
                 logan@wpi.wpi.edu     Phone Number:phone?     
                                                   whats a phone??
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: derry@NeXTwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu (John Derry)
Subject: Truck driver (musician, salesman, etc.) joke
Organization: Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 18:35:22 GMT


A truck driver is on the road and only gets home a couple of times a  
month.

This time, as he approaches his house, he stops to call his wife to see if  
there's anything he can bring home.

She asks him to bring 2 roosters and 5 hens.

The trucker replies that he'd be glad to.  Then he asks what she wants  
with 2 roosters and 5 hens.

The wife answers that she intends to start raising chickens.

Our truck driving friend commends his little woman on her desire to start  
a new and interesting hobby, but tells her, "If you only have 5 hens, you  
surely won't need TWO roosters."

She then says, "You will if one of them is gone a lot!"
From: d3a132@pnl.gov (Carl P Baker)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: REQUEST: make like a _____
Date: 22 Jul 92 01:27:59 GMT
Article-I.D.: oracle.1992Jul22.012759.21320
Reply-To: d3a132@pnl.gov
Organization: Battelle Pacific Northwest Laboratories

Make like a baby and head out?

Carl P Baker
cp_baker@pnl.gov
509-375-2724

Disclaimer: Any opinions expressed here are not necessarily
those of anyone in particular. Further, my employer is not
responsible for any opinions herein, or for any...(humorous
slam of employer deleted in the interests of)...
From: lou@netlink.cts.com (Louis Puccio)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: NAMES - FUNNY
Date: 26 Jul 92 04:23:55 GMT
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

pw15@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Philip  Wang) writes:

> In article <1992Jul21.011852.15295@ultb.isc.rit.edu> ebp4907@ultb.isc.rit.edu
> > If I married my current boyfriend my name would end up being Erica
> >Erkkila.  Which isn't nearly as weird as the fact that if he took my
> >last name he'd be Paul Palmer.  :)
> >
> My sister's former classmate in high school's father's name was Robert Robert
> 
> A former lead singer of the NWOBHM band Samson was named Bruce Bruce.
> 
> That's all I can think of.
> 
> philip
> "Inside the power cage, I can feel the music call my rage
> It's paranoid, first degree. It's telling me that I'm not free.
> I've got heavy metal music in my blood and I like to get it to you if I could
> -Holocaust, "Heavy Metal Mania" ||||||||| pw15@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu |||||||


but was he at least a sprinsgteen fan?


--                    
INTERNET:  lou@netlink.cts.com (Louis)
UUCP:   ...!nosc!ryptyde!netlink!lou
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
From: tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: NRA jokes
Date: 28 Jul 92 20:29:02 GMT
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

forda@gtephx.UUCP (Andrew Ford @ AGCS, Phoenix, Arizona) writes:
> For that matter, is it all that likely that your gun is going
> to get up and kill anybody? (mine haven't done so yet, but I
> am keeping a very close eye on them!!!!!)

Actually, since somebody stole my gun, I think it actually is getting
up to go kill somebody.  That's what I get for registering it. 
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

--                    
INTERNET:  tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!tumidity
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
From: jfreter@triton.unm.edu (The Myth)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: French Jokes
Date: 31 Jul 92 02:57:44 GMT
Organization: University of New Mexico, Albuquerque

In article <1992Jul30.165225.8579@gvl.unisys.com> tammy@ms-1.gvl.unisys.com (Tammy Draper) writes:
>
> Anything beyond that and RU-486 comes into play, right?
>
Is that the new chip that Intel developed?


:)
Newsgroups: rec.humor