From: jrsalt@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Julie Salter)
Subject: Re: Mr. and Mrs. Salter...
Organization: Salter, Inc.
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 17:12:21 GMT

ssalter@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (-=[SLS]=-) [my charming husband] shares: 
>bz687@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (E. Andi Woods) says:



>>eyes that glowed anywhere near as lovingly as i know Julie's did... that
>>would have been a shame... everyone deserves to see that love shining in
>>someone's eyes... and if you can hope to see it nowhere else... you can at
>>least hope that it will be there when you face your beloved at the altar.
>
>It will happen, Andi. Be patient, be honest with yourself and others,
>love  yourself and someday it will happen. 

I've never experienced that before, Andi.  Its a feeling I shall never tire
of.

>
>I was married for 17 years to a woman I had no real love for. We
>stayed married for the children. It was a mistake and I finally
>realized that. Then, being so desperate for a "healthy" relationship,
>I got enmeshed in an equally sick relationship...it just appeared
>initially to be so different. Then, it was as if I hit rock bottom...I
>questioned myself about my feelings and was truly honest with myself
>for the first time in many years. I discarded fantasy and when I did
>that completely, I found Julie. She is not a fantasy...she is real.
>It took a long time to recover from the last "incident" and I honestly
>have to say it will still take a while longer to heal completely. But,
>I was able finally to accept my own self, as I was, and begin to love
>myself. Then , I was able to return the love that Julie held for me.
>Now, the immensity of the love I feel for Julie will often overwhelm
>me and tears will flood my eyes. This is what I had always wanted...a
>truly honest relationship that involves trust and compromise on both
>sides. There is sacrifice and friendship and love and
>laughter...shared tears and shared laughter. Julie allows me to be me
>and I respect the person inside that is her.

{no way am I going to delete that part...}

I too stayed in a relationship for many more years that I should have.  I
did it because you're SUPPOSED to stay married.  And it eventually began to
kill the inside me.  I had no feelings for anything really.  I finally
began to notice (as did my ex) and sought therapy.  What I learned was
terrifying to me - I didn't love this man!  And I had never learned to
love ME.

So, finally, I got out of that relationship and began to work on me and what
*I* wanted from life.  Around that time, a ray of light came into my life.
And he was there for me while I healed and grew, and he was there to fall
in love with me when the time was right.

That love grew and grew.  And when I looked into his eyes on our wedding
day, I knew that it was forever.  No doubts whatsoever.  It was as though
I could see into the soul.  And when we lay in one another's arms with the
fire throwing shadows on our bodies, I looked into those eyes again, and
knew I would be doing that for the rest of my life.

>
>What we have is unconditional love...a phrase that is lightly bandied
>about but is actually quite rare. We love each other for what we are
>and what we will be. I miss being with her every minute I am away.
>But, I don't mind that time away since it is more than made up for
>when we are together again. Does that make sense?

Certainly does to me.  I know there is nothing in this world that I couldn't
tell Steven.  And he would accept it and me.  I know that I can trust him
with my life and everything else that means anything to me.  And I too
HATE being separated during the day.  My skin aches for his touch.  But, at
the end of the day, when we are finally together, and I fall into his
strong arms, I know I am home....not a place with walls, ceiling, etc, but
home...where the heart is. 

>
>I could babble on...but I just wanted to let you know, Andi, that it
>can happen. Don't be discouraged, don't fret. If not now, then
>someday. 

Sometimes, TrueLove takes its time coming.  Steven and I have talked that
if we had met earlier in our lives, it probably wouldn't have worked.  We
both had much we needed to live thru first.  Unfortunately, life runs on its
own time table.

Its important to learn to accept one's self.  A person who is confident and
appreciates themselves has more to offer another person.

Take your time, Andi...and be honest with yourself and your feelings.  Someday
you too will look into the eyes of your beloved and know....

Julie

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