HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: doerrhb@expert.cc.purdue.edu (Heath Doerr)
Subject: Re: >> Other ways to say vomit..
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 02:50:20 GMT

In article <1992Nov17.221330.1513@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com> johnson@sleipnir.mnesouth.corp.mot.com writes:
>In article <1eaud4INNrch@chester.ksu.ksu.edu>, gdscott@chester.ksu.ksu.edu (Geoffrey D Scott) writes:
>=)usenet@oracle.us.oracle.com (Oracle News Poster) writes:
>=)>In article <1e86m3INNgk1@mercury.kingston.ac.uk> cs_d604@ceres (David Scutt) writes:
>=)>>aa395@yfn.ysu.edu (Perry Tarantine) writes:
>=)>>: all time favorites: Yawning in technicolor 
>=)>>:   Engaging in an involuntary protien spill (carlin)
>=)>>	Puke
>=)>>	Spew
>=)>>	Emit
>=)>>	Chunder
>=)>>	Retch
>=)>>	Sick Up
>=)>>	Do A Technicolour Yawn
>=)>>	Park The Tiger
>=)>>	Yell for Ralph
>=)>>	Call Europe On The Great White Telephone
>=)>>	Make A Pavement Pizza
>=)>>	Have a School Lunch Re-Run
>=)>>	Air The Diced Carrots		(personal favourite :-7 )
>=)>>	Barf and Produce The Liquid Laugh
>=)>	Shout at your Shoes
>=)>	Drive the Porcelin Bus
>=)>	Boot
>=)>	Blow chunks
>=)>	Blow doughnuts  (Time to blow the doughnuts!)
>=)what about "woof your cookies" and "Power Spit", and the ecer popular
>=)"Leave your offering to the porcelain God!"
> Talking to Ralph on the Big White Telephone.

   How about "Laughing at the carpet"

-- 
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
|_|     |~\     SLA ECON CQ SWB505 doerrhb@expert.cc.purdue.edu      //
| |eath |_/oerr "With great power also comes great responsibility" \X/
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Xref: sparky rec.humor:34173 alt.folklore.computers:16373 alt.cascade:3270 alt.best.of.internet:128
From: "mike clemens" <mike.clemens@canrem.com>
Subject: test
Reply-To: "mike clemens" <mike.clemens@canrem.com>
Organization: Canada Remote Systems
Distribution: rec
Date: 18 Nov 92 18:04:07 EST

> This is a test.

        I don't get it.

--
Mike Clemens, Canada Remote Systems
E-Mail:  mike.clemens@canrem.com
---
  SLMR 2.1a  Hi ho, hi ho, it's hand grenades I throw ...
--
Canada Remote Systems  - Toronto, Ontario
World's Largest PCBOARD System - 416-629-7000/629-7044
From: Whitten@Fwva.Saic.Com
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Math, Phys, Comp-Sci jokes
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 19:23:53 GMT
	<1992Nov13.212522.15773@eagle.lerc.nasa.gov>
Organization: Science Applications Int'l, Corp. - Computer systems operation

maven@lerc.nasa.gov (Larry Fishbach) writes:
>In article <1992Nov13.162342.6843@athena.mit.edu>, dmsilev@athena.mit.edu (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>> In article <74643@hydra.gatech.EDU>, gt2619b@prism.gatech.EDU (S. Axel Medlin) writes:
>> |> In article <9145@blue.cis.pitt.edu.UUCP> rlpst@cislabs.pitt.edu (Robert L Pack) writes:
>> |> >
>> |> >Also, can anyone finish the following? I'm stumped after the second line
>> |> >
>> |> >e to the y, dy dx, e to the x, dx
>> |> >cosine, secant, tangent, sine, 3.14159
>> |> >
>> |> At Georgia Tech this is known as the "Engineer's Cheer"...
>> |> 
>> |>   e to the x, dy dx, e to the x, dx 
>> |>   secant, tangent, cosine, sine
>> |>   3.14159
>> |>   eigen vectors, poisson brackets
>> |>   dis-integrate 'em Yellow Jackets!
>> |> 
>> |> I am sure there are other versions floating, depending on the school.
>> |> 
>> Here's the MIT version
>> 
>> e^u du/dx, e^x dx                   e to the u du dx, e to the x dx
>> cos sec tan sin 3.14159             cosine secant tangent sine, 3.14159
>> int sqrt mu dv                      integral squareroot mu dv
>> slipstick sliderule M.I.T.          slipstick, sliderule, MIT
>> 
>> Daniel Silevitch                               dmsilev@athena.mit.edu
>> Massachusetts Institute of Technology
>
>Rensselaer Version 1962 - 
>e^x dy/dy, e^x dx
>Cosine, secant, tangent, sine
>3.14159
>Square root, cube root, log of Pi
>Disintegrate them, RPI
>-- 
>*******************************************************************************
>maven@hercules.lerc.nasa.gov   Larry Fishbach @ NASA Lewis Cleveland Ohio
>"Everything here is my own opinion"   Quoth the Maven "Evermore"
>*******************************************************************************
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: sdarive@eng.clemson.edu (Siva Darivemula)
Subject: Re: Married With Children Quotes
Reply-To: sdarive@eng.clemson.edu
Organization: College of Engineering, Clemson Univ.
Distribution: na
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 23:07:18 GMT

In article 160929@gruc19.nor.chevron.com, hjiwa@gruc19.nor.chevron.com (Jeff Wang) writes:
>Hi netters !
>
>Does anybody have any collections of quotes from "Married With Children" ???
>Especially those of Kelly and Al.  Email or post.  Thanks!
>
>-- 
> #====}==) #===(==}  #====}==) #===(==}  {==)===# (=={====#  {==)===# (=={====#
>>> Jeff Wang                             Net   : hjiwa@gruc19.nor.chevron.com <<
>>> Chevron Petroleum Technology Company  Profs : hjiwa (hovmb)                <<
>>> Geophysical/Geological Applications   Phone : (504) 592-6162               <<
>>> 935 Gravier Street, Room 1006         Fax   : (504) 592-6958               <<
>>> New Orleans, Louisiana 70112          Valeo,vales. Die dulci fruimini!! :) <<
> #====}==) #===(==}  #====}==) #===(==}  {==)===# (=={====#  {==)===# (=={====#


Me too please!

Thanx!


-Siva
From: mcgee@nic.csu.net
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: The last bastion of manhood?
Date: 19 Nov 92 16:49:00 GMT
Organization: Information Resources and Technology

I received this today. It's quite funny, IMHO, but I'd balk at
sending it on to the digest.

> 
> Oh wondrous Oracle, bastion of Usenet knowledge, wisdom and pride, please,
> answer my plea...
> 
> When I woke up this morning, I discovered, ah, how shall I put this delicately?
> I discovered that, well, I have this penis.  I'm almost certain it wasn't
> there when I went to bed last night, and now none of my clothes fit.
> What shall I do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} 
} Enjoy it, make it your friend.  Make sure you give it plenty of attention.
} Take it out to play each and every day, more often if possible.  If it
} doesn't feel loved, it will become shy and reclusive.  It is critical that
} you learn the appropriate uses for it immediately or you could end up hilt-
} deep in shit!
} 
} While you noticed the obvious external changes in your body, there are some
} internal changes that you should be made aware of.  The most important is
} the fact that your brain is now located in your new appendage.  This is an
} advantage, trust me.  You see, the female brain is located above the heart,
} therefore requiring more energy to pump sufficient blood to it.  Now, as a
} male, your brain is in a location that is very frequently flooded with
} highly pressurized blood.  The result is amazing.  Soon, you'll stop having
} to think on a conscience level.  Your brain will take advantage of it's
} enriched environment and will start to handle lots of stuff automatically
} that you used to have to stop and contemplate.  For instance, you'll
} notice that you never worry about where you should go.  Your new appendage
} will point the direction and you'll follow it.  This may be new to you, but
} men have been using this method for millennia.  This frees them to invent
} such things as, oh say, football.
} 
} The bottom line is: Don't panic.  Get a good grip on yourself.  It'll be
} OK.  Just remember to get new undies before using a public restroom.  If
} you showed up in the lacy things you have now...well, you'd make a lot
} of new "friends" before you could get out.
} 
} Oh yeah.  Remember those secret lesbian fantasies you had?  Now's a
} good time to take a "test drive" without fear of public ridicule.  There's
} this little house at the edge of town... yeah you know the one.  They can
} help you become more comfortable with this.  Ask for Beasty Brenda.
} 
} You owe the Oracle the video of your first experiments.
From: rgm@cory.Berkeley.EDU (Rob Menke)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Top ten superheroes answerer
Date: 20 Nov 92 05:29:04
Organization: TEAM CS -- Making Tomorrow's Mistakes Today!
NNTP-Posting-Host: cory.berkeley.edu

Whoever answered my 'Top Ten Least Loved Superheroes' question... I
owe you a beer (as well as the Scooby Snack, et al.)!  I haven't
laughed so hard in a long time!  Hope it makes it to the
Oracularities...
--
"NFS server not responding still trying |  Robert Menke
 NFS server OK" is the biggest lie in   |    rgm@cory.berkeley.edu
the world... -Paul Hilfinger            |    ...!ucbvax!cory.berkeley.edu!rgm
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (David Bromage)
Subject: Re: lisa@iuvax? How about it?
Organization: Monash University General Access Unix
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL7]
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 01:12:26 GMT

Steve Kinzler (kinzler@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu) wrote:
: Written by KHOCKENBURY@VAXC.STEVENS-TECH.EDU in news:rec.humor.oracle.d
: +---------- "lisa@iuvax?  How about it?" ----------
: | Hey, Steve, how about a lisa@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu?  It wouldn't take
: | that much software change - a mail address, "You asked Lisa", and "Lisa
: | has pondered..."
: 
: Hmmm, intriguing idea.  But, I don't really care to support two separate
: Oracle servers.  Also, the Oracle's been hinting about a vacation now
: that digest #500 is rolling around.  How `bout this, we let Lisa take
: over the Oracular duties for a while.  Same mail address and everything,
: but Lisa will answer the questions.  I'm sure she'd love the chance.
: 
: What do y'all think?
: 
: | I know that Lisa was not originally part of the Oracle mythos, but such
: | a net.mythology has grown about her, I think that it could be fun.
: 
: Hell, *nothing* was originally part of the Oracle mythos, except the
: name "Usenet Oracle"!
: 
Could someone please tell me when, how and why Lisa first appeared?

Cheers
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Bromage       brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au   : 
Monash University                                : "I think thinking is 
Clayton, Victoria   				 :  so important"
 Australia                                       : 	-Baldrick
 						 :   
     May the source be with you			 :     
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
	All views expressed are my own except those which conflict with
	my personal opinions.
From: GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Sore loser and Somewhat Offended
Date: 19 Nov 1992 19:56:22 GMT
Organization: Land of the Lost
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: stat.appstate.edu
X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.24


I sent the Oracle a question which I personally thought was really funny
and well thought out.  I'd spent a good deal of time composing it too.
However, I'm not going to quote the question here because I'm hoping it
may get into an Oracularity when I re-post it to the Oracle.

What really bugged me was that, when I posted the question, the reply I
got was:

}
}
} well at least you can go screw yourself. that's an improvement.

That was the entirety of the reply. That's it. Nothing witty or funny
about it. I consider myself to have a good sense of humor and I'm really
not all that easy to offend but when I get mail that tells me to "go screw
myself" I _do_ get offended.

If you can't come up with a _good_ reply that will actually be appreciated
by the supplicant, DON'T REPLY! Leave it for someone else to reply to.

--- APHiD

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: csrfn@trentu.ca (Ray Fritz-Nemeth)
Subject: James Joyce and the Oracle....
Organization: Trent University, Ontario
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 06:27:23 GMT


Hello folks,

    Just wanted to put in my two montary units worth into a (very) 
recently published oracularity.

    The following exerpt came from a response to an English major's
query about getting onto the Olympian payroll:

}
} However, I might have just the thing:  I will send you back in
} Time to be incarnated as a poet of the period you most admire.
} There the stress of going through childhood with the name "Percy
} Bysse Shelley" will provoke in you the rich, poetic response you
} will need to produce great works of art, rather than just study
} them as you do now.
}
} Ready?   <BZAAAAAK!>
}
} Say hello to Mary for me!  And remember to give her that trip to
} Austria, or she'll never forgive you.
}
} You owe the Oracle a portrait of the artist as a young man.

    My sense of literary propriety obliges me to nitpick: James Joyce
wrote a Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, not Shelley.

    That incarnation must have been having a bad day... either that
or Shelley knows something he ain't tellin' about...

-- 
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: barnett@convex.com (Paul Barnett)
Subject: Re: digest #500
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 14:25:47 GMT
Organization: Engineering, CONVEX Computer Corp., Richardson, Tx., USA
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

In <makowski.1.722042889@saturn.glassboro.edu> makowski@saturn.glassboro.edu writes:

>Help!!!!
>Does anyone have the digest #500?
>If you do, please repost it or send it to MAKOWSKI@SATURN.GLASSBORO.EDU.
>Thanks in advance.

And to me as well (see address below), please.  It apparently came in
over the weekend, and was replaced Monday morning by #501 before I had
a chance to read it.
--
Paul Barnett             Internet: barnett@convex.com
Convex Computer Corp.      Office: 214-497-4846
Richardson, TX        Mobile/Home: 214-236-8438
From: dave@cs.arizona.edu (Dave Schaumann)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
Date: 16 Nov 92 03:51:30 GMT
Reply-To: dave@cs.arizona.edu (Dave Schaumann)
Organization: University of Arizona

In article <BxsBDA.Lo8@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu>, mclemens@silver (Mike Clemens) writes:
>You really haven't missed much by not seeing the show -- this does, by
>the way, serve to illustrate that perhaps the priesthood should choose
>a little more carefully when picking winners for the digest?

I'm not sure how universal /any/ criteria for choosing digest entries
would be.  When the recent survey was announced, I made an (uncompleted)
effort to catalog all my Oracularities that have made it into the digests.
Since it was only minimally more work, I also tabulated the votes for each
as well.  I was surprised by a number of instances where my personal ranking
and the votes differed significantly.

>Unless a
>joke is universal, something like the Hans & Franz thing is going to
>blow right on by a lot of readers.  Just a thought.

Of course, shared experience is an essential part of humor.  On the other
hand, if we set the "required commonality threshold" too high, we're going
to reduce the frequency of digests even more, and all for the sake of "someone
who might not get it".

On the other hand, we could use some fresh ideas.  Something that doesn't
	-mention woodchucks (& related issues, you KNOW what I mean)
	-parody UN*X
	-parody detective novels
	-use <ZOT>s, Lisa, ranting about groveling, or any of the other
	 overworked devices we've seen (IMHO) all too much of.

Of course, getting fresh ideas includes the questions, too...

-- 
What signature?
From: nolan@helios.unl.edu (Michael Nolan)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Sore loser and Somewhat Offended
Date: 20 Nov 1992 15:19:14 GMT
Organization: University of Nebraska--Lincoln	
Reply-To: nolan@helios.unl.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: helios.unl.edu

GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD) writes:

>I sent the Oracle a question which I personally thought was really funny
>and well thought out.  I'd spent a good deal of time composing it too.
>However, I'm not going to quote the question here because I'm hoping it
>may get into an Oracularity when I re-post it to the Oracle.

Well, it must be 'True Confessions Friday', because this is the 2nd post
in rec.humor.oracle.d that I have responded to as an Oracle Priest today.
In this case, however, I *was* the Priest who received this Oracularity.

>What really bugged me was that, when I posted the question, the reply I
>got was:

>} well at least you can go screw yourself. that's an improvement.

>That was the entirety of the reply. That's it. Nothing witty or funny
>about it. I consider myself to have a good sense of humor and I'm really
>not all that easy to offend but when I get mail that tells me to "go screw
>myself" I _do_ get offended.

Actually, I did give some serious thought to recommending this one for
the Oracularities.  Then I decided that although the question was good,
it was on a somewhat overworked theme (trans-sexuality), and the answer
was a hackneyed reply, at best.  I will say that the answer was not
among the best I've read lately, and I agree with the querant's advice to
Incarnations that if you can't come up with a good answer, don't give any
answer at all.  (The question will be referred to another Incarnation in
a few days.)

Then I gave some though to using the Priestly Feedback mechanism to comment
upon the potential that the querant would be offended by the answer, but
decided that anybody who wrote a question dealing with a sexual subject
should expect a potentially offensive reply, and let the whole thing drop.

Harold The Foot, Oracle Priest
From: chai@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Your friendly neighbourhood Spectre)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #500-01
Date: 18 Nov 92 21:36:28 GMT
Article-I.D.: news.BxxLCt.52F
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana

(the Oracle 101 TA question)
Darn, another "Excellent question, donkey answer". 
Question: 5
Answer: 1
I gave it a 3 as an average, but... sigh
-- 
---                                      Xtrek is lovely, dark and deep.
God is gracious = Yahya = Yochanan =        But I have promises to keep,
Johannes = John = Jean = Jan = Ian     And megs to write before I sleep,
Internet: chai@cs.uiuc.edu             And megs to write before I sleep.
Xref: sparky rec.humor.oracle.d:503 alt.transgendered:61
From: mwlucas@vela.acs.oakland.edu ( )
Subject: Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
Organization: Oakland University, Rochester MI.
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 13:07:52 GMT


IMHO, this was one of the funniest Oracularities that I've seen in a
*long* time.  Whoever did it, thanks for getting me a lot of funny looks
at work; my coworkers consider it odd of me to roll on the floor clutching 
my stomach and shaking with laughter...


-- 
"No, no, no!  Slash _parallel_ to your arm, not across!"
	-Leck's Suicide Hotline (from Ivan Brunetti's _Misery Loves Comedy_)
		mwlucas@vela.acs.oakland.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: mclemens@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Mike Clemens)
Subject: Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 01:12:45 GMT

In article <1992Nov15.233807.18703@asl.dl.nec.com> drinckes@nzl.abk.nec.co.jp writes:
>In Oracularity 500-10, we get an answer from Hans Orakel and Franz Orakel,
>with starts and ends with the comment:
>
>	WISE *YOU* UP!
>
>I have spotted this duo once before with the comment "PUMP (clap) YOU
>UP" in another group.
>
>So, in the hopes of finding out whats funny, who the heck are these
>guys?
>
>I think we should be told.

Once again, our American cultural-centricity betrays us... There's a
popular TV program over here called "Saturday Night Live" -- 90 min.
of live skits performed by a cast of regulars and a celebrity guest
host.  The Hans & Franz skit basically parodied Arnold Schwrazen... (I
won't even attempt to spell it) and bodybuilders in general.  The
Oracularity did a pretty good job of summarizing the skit:
thick-accented bodybuilding brothers insulting "puny, flabby,
girly-man" types while bragging about their own supreme muscle
development.  Like so many skits on that show, the Hans & Franz bit
came back, week after week, 'til nearly every teenage kid in America
was saying "Ve're gonna pump *clap* YOU UP" (the duo's trademark.)

You really haven't missed much by not seeing the show -- this does, by
the way, serve to illustrate that perhaps the priesthood should choose
a little more carefully when picking winners for the digest?  Unless a
joke is universal, something like the Hans & Franz thing is going to
blow right on by a lot of readers.  Just a thought.

- Mike
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: mschenk@research.ptt.nl (Mike Schenk +31 70 33 23926)
Subject: Re: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
Organization: PTT Research
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 13:12:09 GMT

In article <1ea5b9INNbgv@lester.appstate.edu>, GRS00021@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU (APHiD) writes:
> As others have said, Hans and Franz are characters from an American TV Show,
> "Saturday Night Live".  They aren't the only American TV characters to show
> up either.  We've seen Mr. Wizard and David Letterman in other Oracularities.
> I could be wrong but I believe that the Oracular Writ advises to refrain
> from using regionalities that international readers might not understand.
> Obviously, American TV shows usually fall into this category. What's next?
> "Three's Company" jokes? Parodies of "America's Funniest Home Vidoes"?
  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Since this is a remake of the superb British TV show "Man About 
the House", it is very likely that a lot of non-Americans would 
get these jokes.
    Mike
From: cs161feu@sdcc10.ucsd.edu (Anthony Minkoff)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: lisa@iuvax? How about it?
Date: 15 Nov 92 18:52:12 GMT
Article-I.D.: sdcc12.41018
Organization: University of California, San Diego

In article <sf10OeW00VpZMS1wY1@andrew.cmu.edu>
jf41+@andrew.cmu.edu (Jonathan R. Ferro) writes:
>I would greatly appreciate being reminded of any oracularity answered
>by, or composed primarily of references to, "Lisa" which I rated higher
>than a 2.  Bad idea, IMHO.

How about "His Lisa just ran out"?  That was composed primarily of
references to Lisa, and, IMO, better than a 2.

Tony
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: drinckes@nzl.abk.nec.co.jp (Doug Rinckes)
Subject: Hans and Franz - who the @#@!$ are they?
Reply-To: drinckes@nzl.abk.nec.co.jp
Organization: Telecommunications Systems Support Centre, New Zealand
Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1992 23:38:07 GMT

In Oracularity 500-10, we get an answer from Hans Orakel and Franz Orakel,
with starts and ends with the comment:

	WISE *YOU* UP!

I have spotted this duo once before with the comment "PUMP (clap) YOU
UP" in another group.

So, in the hopes of finding out whats funny, who the heck are these
guys?

I think we should be told.

Doug Rinckes, Network Administrator | drinckes@nzl.abk.nec.co.jp
Telecommunications Systems Support  | rah rah rah
Centre New Zealand Ltd              | disclaim disclaim disclaim