From: elonich@cbnewse.cb.att.com (diane.e.pedersen)
Subject: Conscience Maturing in 7YO
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville IL
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1992 21:47:43 GMT

My 7YO son Keith has recently begun confessing to all sorts
of transgressions committed over the last year.   Most of
his misdeeds are pretty mild.  It started with him spontaneously
getting very distraught after I picked him up from daycare -- it 
turned out he had marked on the basement sofa and let the sitter's
younger child take the rap.  There were a few more confessions about 
broken toys.   Then (this is over a couple-month period) one day
he was REALLY upset -- he had an "awful bubbly" feeling inside -- it
turned out when he broke his wrist last year that he had jumped
from his sitter's jungle gym on PURPOSE, and he didn't fall 
BY ACCIDENT as he had told everyone at the time.  He said he was afraid
he'd get in trouble if he told the truth. . . I said he wouldn't
have got in touble -- having a broken wrist is punishment enough.
He then felt compelled to confess to
his former teacher, former classmates, sitter, grandparents, . . .
EVERYONE he'd originally lied to.
Another time he got all upset  after a neighbor boy's name was
mentioned, and he subsequently confessed that he and this playmate
had at one time (many months earlier) exposed themselves to each other.
And another time he confessed that sometimes he enjoys sniffing
his fingers after he sticks them inside his underwear.

We've dealt with each confession individually, helping him to rate
them morally (like "Lying is not good, but you didn't hurt anybody
with your lie but yourself", "It's not right to let someone else
be blamed for what you did",  and "There's nothing morally wrong
with touching yourself, but it's gross if you don't wash your
hands afterwards", etc.)   But the overall onset, quantity,
and emotionality of all these confessions makes me wonder --
is there a certain age or stage when Conscience kicks in?

I've told Keith that I think his "Conscience is growing up"
and he seems to take comfort from this, as the "bubbly" conscience
attacks are occurring every couple of days now.  I've also
tried to explain confession/forgiveness/grace from a Christian
stance (we're churchgoing), but it doesn't seem to be fully
easing his discomfort.

I remember having a time, when I was about the same age, where
I felt very sad and guilty about my role in my kitten's death
when I was 4.   My mom had told me I couldn't take it off our
block, but the Good Humor truck came a block away, so I walked
over carrying Blacky.  When the truck started to leave, there 
was a loud screech and I remembered that I'd put Blacky down
and he'd crawled under the parked truck.   Blacky's back 
was broken and he had to be put to sleep, but I was fine
about the loss until about 3 years later when my guilt suddenly
hit and I cried in my bed at night.   (My mother came in and
comforted me, but it probably wasn't until adulthood that I
forgave myself, after realizing that 4-year-olds are prone
to careless lapses)

So, does anybody out there have any insight into this situation?
-- 
Diane Pedersen
AT&T Bell Laboratories
Naperville, Illinois
att!ihlpe!elonich
Newsgroups: misc.kids