HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: phudl@csv.warwick.ac.uk (Mr S J Liddicott)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: 999,999,999 Green bottles
Date: 12 Nov 1992 18:50:10 -0000
Organization: Computing Services, University of Warwick, UK
NNTP-Posting-Host: clover.csv.warwick.ac.uk

999,999,999 Green bottles hanging on the wall
999,999,999 Green bottles hanging on the wall
and if one green bottle should accidentally fall
they'd be....

p.s. HANGING on the wall?

-- 
*----------*-------------------------------------------------------------*
| Sam   Jam|"Never underestimate the importance of a cheap laugh"-       |
| Liddicott| phudl@csv.warwick.ac.uk  | I WAS IN IDAHO | Plucky Duck TTA |
*---------------It's a thing that makes me go hmmm...--------------------*
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade
From: brat@access.digex.com (Brat Wizard)
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Organization: Express Access Online Communications, Greenbelt, MD USA
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 05:49:15 GMT

In article <blech> slb22@cunixb.cc.columbia.edu (Seth L. Blumberg) writes:
>In article <foo> mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh) writes:
>>In article <bar> kaufman@eecs.nwu.edu (Michael L. Kaufman) writes:
>>>This is all very funny, but haven't you people ever heard of the
>>>concept of trimming? Do we actually need to see the same 50 or so
>>>lines over and over again?
>>Ever hear of a cascade? *grin*
>No, I haven't.  What's a cascade? ;-)
It's a rambling serenade!
From: sievert@wlonex.iipo.gtegsc.com (Glen Sievertson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Request for map/navigation jokes
Date: 9 Nov 92 22:24:55 GMT
Reply-To: sievert@wlonex.iipo.gtegsc.com (Glen Sievertson)
Organization: GTE Government Systems

Does anyone out there have any good jokes about maps, navigation,
or getting directions?  Please e-mail them to me.  I will post a
list of the good ones.  Thanks,  Glen

sievert@wlonex.iipo.gtegsc.com
From: sme3@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (SCOTT MATTHEW ESTRIN)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Cacade?
Date: 9 Nov 92 02:24:20 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <1djctrINNco9@MINERVA.CIS.YALE.EDU>, juneja-anurag@yale.edu (Anurag J
uneja) writes:
>
>>|> MW>>This is all very funny, but haven't you people ever heard of the
>>|> MW>>concept of trimming? Do we actually need to see the same 50 or so
>>|> MW>>lines over and over again?
>>|>
>>|> MW>Ever hear of a cascade? *grin*
>>|>
>>|> I wonder if I could make one begin?
>>     You could, but it would be a sin.
>       I better get my whiskey and gin.
         You can have the grenade, but I'm keeping the pin.

         
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dag@col.hp.com (David Geiser)
Subject: Re: WANTED:women's pay sig
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 18:52:32 GMT
Organization: HP Colorado Springs Division


Let's elect a woman to be president.  That way we wouldn't have
to pay here as much.
-- 

 To the cat, the experimenter is problematic.
From: dfm2@jaguar.uofs.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: :) Kirk'd Real Middle Name
Date: 6 Nov 92 21:02:48 GMT
Organization: University of Scranton

>[Kirk's middle name is...]
>    /////////////////Tiberious///////////////
>[isn't it ] Tiberius.

I wasnt aware it was ever spelled out on TV...
I like Tiberious, even though that Roman guy was Tiberius.
That way I could say that Kirk was one Tiberious dude!!!

Incidentally, I think his name is "Rtiberius," the "r" being silent of course.

In he first episode featuring that totally tiberiuos dude, we saw a gravestone
for him marked "James R Kirk!"

Message to Trekkies who take this stuff so seriously... Get a Life!!
Even Rottenburied couldn't remember how to spell the captain's name.

Incidentally, for those who do love to read into things, consider this...
Mr. Spock was a Jesuit missionary :)
From: jshg1134@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Jeffrey S. Hoeft)
Subject: Request Unix pranks
Summary: request unix pranks
Keywords: unix request pranks
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 04:16:45 GMT



Is there an FTP site where I can get some Unix pranks? ie a program which
will cause windows to go haywire, the screen to melt unexpectedly, etc.

Thanks in advance,

Jeff
j-hoeft@uiuc.edu
	  

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bob@medrcw.b17b.ingr.com (Robert Whitehead)
Subject: Re: Cacade? (sic)
Reply-To: bob@medrcw.b17b.ingr.com
Organization: Vulcan Science Academy Foreign Student Union
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 20:34:44 GMT

|> > >MW>Ever hear of a cascade? *grin*
|> > >I wonder if I could make one begin?
|> > Another cascade? Oh no! Not agin! 
|> To do so would be to sin!
And prospects of success are slim!
-- 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Robert C. Whitehead       |
| Intergraph Corporation    |Always acknowledge an error.  This will throw
| Mapping Sciences Division |those in authority off their guard and give 
| Technical Documentation   |you an opportunity to commit more.
| Mailpath: bob@medrcw.b17b |
| Phone: (205) 730-1923     |
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the Real World: bob@medrcw.b17b.ingr.com



"In for a penny, in for a pound, is that what you're saying, Mister Data?"
    -- Picard, "Pen Pals", Stardate 42695.3
From: dogbowl@dogbox.acme.gen.nz (Kennelmeister)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Deer Jokes
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 92 13:42:18 +1300
Organization: The Dawghaus BBS, Palmerston North, New Zealand (+64 6 357 9245)

> What do you call a deer with no eyes and no penis?
> No Fxxxxxx Idea

And a deer with no legs, penis or eyes?

Still no f***ing idea!



Alan B                           "Well, we were just laying there
Dogbowl@dogbox.acme.gen.nz        And this ghost of your other lover walked in
Dawghaus BBS +64 6 357-9245       And stood there.
Palmerston North, New Zealand     Made of thin air. Full of desire..

...Why these mountains? Why this sky? This long road? This empty room?"
                                                        - Laurie Anderson
From: mtf39190@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Michael T Freeman)
Subject: Re: Request: feminist jokes
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 16:34:10 GMT

patm@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Pat Murphy) writes:




>what a lame joke request thread..

	Really!!  I mean, aren't all feminists jokes anyway?? 
-- 
        --Just for the record, I did               Michael Freeman
          NOT vote for Billary Clinton... 	   mtf39190@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
						   U of I at Urbana/Champaign
From: craig@toontown.ColumbiaSC.NCR.COM (Craig S. Williamson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: dirty jokes wanted
Date: 11 Nov 92 19:40:29 GMT
Reply-To: craig@toontown.ColumbiaSC.NCR.COM (Craig S. Williamson)
Distribution: usa
Organization: NCR E&M Columbia, SC


I have a friend with out news access looking for dirty jokes.  Is there an
archive of them anywhere?  

Craig

-- 
                                                 "If only real life was
-Craig Williamson                                      like this."
 Craig.Williamson@ColumbiaSC.NCR.COM               -Count Duckula
 craig@toontown.ColumbiaSC.NCR.COM (home)
From: j1w@icf.hrb.com (Doug ('Oscar') Works)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Cajun Man dialogue request (SNL)
Date: 6 Nov 92 09:36:03 EST
Organization: HRB Systems, Inc.

Anyone who can send in any SNL "Cajun Man" dialouge, especially the 
words *he* uses would earn undying gratitude.

Well, at least I'd be happier....

                                                       - Doug

 __^__                                                              __^__
( ___ )------------------------------------------------------------( ___ )
 | / |                                                              | \ |
 | / |          "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread."         | \ |
 | / |                                                              | \ |
 |___|                                                              |___|
(_____)---------------Internet: j1w@icf.hrb.com--------------------(_____) 
   ^                                                                  ^
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: amdunn@mongrel.UUCP (Andrew M. Dunn)
Subject: Customer Service
Organization: A. Dunn Systems Corporation, Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
Date: Sat, 07 Nov 92 22:47:29 GMT


A few days after Christmas a mother was working in the kitchen, listening
to her son playing with his new toy bus in the living room.  She heard
the bus stop and her son say "all you sons of bitches who want off, get
the hell off now 'cause this is the last stop, and all you sons of
bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the bus 'cause we're 
leaving."

The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language
in this house.  I want you to go to your room for two hours.  When you
come out, you may play with your bus but I want you to use nice
language."

Two hous later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with 
his bus.  Soon the bus stopped and the mother heard her son say, "all
passengers who are disembarking the bus please remember to take all 
of your belongings with you.  We thank you for riding with us today
and hope your trip was a pleasant one.  We hope you will ride with
us again soon."

"For those of you just boarding, we ask that you stow all of your
hand luggage above your seat.  Please remember there is no smoking.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us
today."


"For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay,
please see the bitch in the kitchen"


-- 
:-------------------------------------------------------------------------:
:  Andy Dunn           <amdunn@mongrel.UUCP> or <dunn5177@mach1.WLU.CA>   :
:  "AT&T thinks Usenet is an Underground organization" - are we really?   :
:-------------------------------------------------------------------------:
From: dfm2@jaguar.uofs.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re:feminist jokes
Date: 11 Nov 92 19:39:06 GMT
Organization: University of Scranton

Dont equate with being anti-feminist with being anti-female
Most feminist ideology is working towards a world identitical to what
a horny, lazy, hateful, bigoted old man in the 1930's could only dream 
about.
<i would never post an anti-female joke, because females are people
i have no problem with posting anti-feminist jokes because feminism
isnt people, its an ideology that people subscribe to (which happens to be 
bullshit).
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: garrett@Ingres.COM (It's not what you got, it's what you give)
Subject: Re: Drinking Rhyme
Summary: 
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1  
Keywords: 
Organization: ASK Computer Systems, Ingres Product Division
Date: 10 Nov 92 04:58:03 GMT

In article <Bx8340.DvH@unccsun.uncc.edu>, jagrizza@uncc.edu                                          writes...
>>>Great! Now what tune do we sing it to?
>>Good!  Lets start a cascade, maybe two.
>I've had enough, how 'bout you?
Just forget it and have a brew. 
> 
> 
> 
>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: It all makes sense now...
From: DAVIS@licre.dn.mu.oz.au
Date: 6 Nov 92 10:15:11 AET
Organization: Ludwig Institute for Cancer Research

Is it just my imagination, or does Bill Clinton look and sound just a 
little bit too much like Elvis for it to be a coincidence?


Ian Davis                              DAVIS@licr.dn.mu.oz.au
From: C.Thomas.Eyford.III@dartmouth.edu (C. Thomas Eyford III)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes
Date: 11 Nov 92 13:51:32 GMT
 <196440002@hpubvwa.nsr.hp.com>
Organization: Dartmouth College, Hanover, NH
X-Posted-From: InterNews1.0a5@newshost.dartmouth.edu

In article <196440002@hpubvwa.nsr.hp.com>
guyh@hpubvwa.nsr.hp.com (Guy Hyde) writes:

> "No matter where you go, there you are!"

"We're only here because we're not all there."  -anon.

RL: Tom Eyford                        E-mail: eyford@mac.dartmouth.edu

"So, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll
try to kill each other like civilized people?"  
                                      -- Westley, _The Princess Bride_  
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: morin@noao.edu (Marg Morin)
Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes
Organization: National Optical Astronomy Observatories, Tucson AZ
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 20:32:24 GMT

In article <BxBzC8.AF6@plato.ds.boeing.com> mattb@ssc-vax.boeing.com (Matt Baney) writes:
>I'm trying to compile a list of all time favorite quotes
>to include in a customized fortune/motd program, and I'd
>like to hear some of the favorites from the net.
>Thanks
>matt     "Unpredictable things are hard to predict"
>
>-- 
>|  Matt Baney         | Boeing Defense and Space Division    |
>|  -----------------  |   Knowledge Systems Group            |
>| "I can't tolerate   | UUCP:        ..!bcstec!ssc-vax!mattb |        
>| intolerant people!" | Internet:   mattb@ssc-vax.boeing.com |

"It's never too late to have a happy chilhood"

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing exactly what you thought
you couldn't do"

"Premenstrual Syndrome: Just before their periods women behave
the way men do all the time"  - Robert A. Heinlein

"Some comedy is only tragedy plus time."  - Carol Burnett

"Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
	- Eleanor Roosevelt

and of course, see my .sig:
-- 
 MARG MORIN  "Call me M"		(morin@noao.edu)  
	aka: The Seeker   		 AURA/NOAO Tucson, AZ
--------------------------------------------------------------------
 "I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body" - Elaine Boosler 
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes
From: rhino@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Lothar of the Hill People)
Subject: Re: Car Acronyms
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 08:49:41 GMT

In article <1dm75vINNghf@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> bh419@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Ted B Samsel) writes:
>
>NOVA-- (No Va in Spanish , It doesn't run)
actually, it means  it doesn't _go_
_>-- 
>Ted....


-- 
Purdue University, Where the fun never begins!
rhino@sage.cc.purdue.edu
From: cravener@uhunix.uhcc.Hawaii.Edu (Patty Cravener)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Something completely different
Date: 13 Nov 92 18:56:17 GMT
Organization: University of Hawaii

I doubt you're in anyone's KILL file, Terje...
I always enjoy your posts, and suspect most of us do...
Aloha oi...........................................PC
From: F.Brown@massey.ac.nz (F.J. Brown)
Subject: Bicycle / cycling jokes wanted please
Summary: Bike jokes wanted
Keywords: bikes, cycling
Organization: Massey University, Palmerston North, New Zealand
X-Reader: NETNEWS/PC Version 2c
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 92 20:37:13 GMT

Hi,

I'm looking for ***clean*** jokes to do with bicycles and cycling in
general, for inclusion in our cycling club newsletter.   If anyone 
can help, could you please e-mail me directly as I don't read this
newsgroup regularly.

Thanks,

Frith
-- 
==============================================================================
Frith Brown                           E-mail:  F.Brown@massey.ac.nz
Department of Plant Science Level 2   Phone:   +64 06 356 9099 ext. 8800
Massey University                     Fax:     +64 06 350 5614
Palmerston North                      
New Zealand                :-) Ride the bike, ride the bike, ride the bike ;-)
==============================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jcruz@etch-eshop.Berkeley.EDU (Joey Cruz)
Subject: SF Examiner Headlines
Reply-To: jcruz@etch-eshop.Berkeley.EDU (Joey Cruz)
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 00:17:04 GMT

This is the San Francisco Examiner Evening Edition Headlines

======================================================================

BILL CLINTON TO LET GAY G.I.s IN .......In where? In his Butt?

======================================================================


Let's all forget about the homosexual issues and go to the main topic of
this newsgroup which is jokes jokes and more jokes.           
I may not be Gay but I'm happy.......I may be Gay and happy but not
a Homosexual.....So what's wrong with being a homosexual and Gay?
Nothing ................................so shut up..........O.K.
From: "frank rosenbaum" <frank.rosenbaum@execnet.com>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: burma shave
Date: 6 Nov 92 04:59:43 EST
Reply-To: "frank rosenbaum" <frank.rosenbaum@execnet.com>
Distribution: rec
Organization: Executive Networks Information

BZDoes anyone remember the Burma Shave road signs?  What were some of the
  sayings?
According to the book "the verse by the side of the road" by Frank 
Rowsome, Jr.  There are 600 roadside rhymes.

one of my favorites is.

Trains don't whistle
cause their scared
heed this warning
if you'd be spared
Burma Shave


another one

Trains don't wander
all over the map
The fireman doesn't
sit on the engineers
lap.
Burma Shave.

               Frank
---
  1st 1.01 #710  I backed up my harddrive, and hit the garage door.
--
Executive Network Information System  (914) 667-4567
International ILink Host
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.humor.d,alt.folklore.computers
From: mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh)
Subject: Re: Trinary
Keywords: snipe hunt
Organization: Cornell Theory Center
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 02:56:39 GMT

In article <1992Nov07.011214.18217@bnr.ca> bcash@crchh410.BNR.CA (Brian Cash) writes:
>The program was cancelled when it was found that the
>machine would not accept the backward R used in the Russian language.
>Hope this clears things up!
>
>Brian /-|-\

Hmmm. I'm interested as to why it wouldn't accept the "backward R" (as you
put it, formally called "Ya"). I have no ideas other than that Ya is the
last letter in the Cyrillic alphabet, which has 33 letters, and possibly this
machine could only use 32 alphabetic characters? But that doesn't seem to fly.

Ideas?

mdw

-- 
Matt Welsh    mdw@tc.cornell.edu        +1 607 253 2737
Systems Programmer, Cornell Theory Center
  "She's like jelly roll, like sculpture!"
From: wtkwest@hydra3b.cs.utk.edu (tsew mailliw)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: condoms
Date: 10 Nov 92 13:37:15 GMT
Reply-To: wtkwest@hydra3b.cs.utk.edu (tsew mailliw)
Organization: University of Tennessee, Knoxville - Department of Computer Science
NNTP-Posting-Host: hydra3b.cs.utk.edu

In article <1992Nov7.141148.1@vms.ocom.okstate.edu>, chorley@vms.ocom.okstate.edu writes:
|> 	I happened to notice that condoms were being sold at "rock bottom
|> prices".
|> 
|> 	Is this a sign of the end of the world?
|> DNC

Wierd and also true:

	Not until you consider there is a condom manufacturer
that named their company "Stealth". They have endorsed a slogan 
similar to this: "Never Let 'em See You Comming"  :)

	- I can't remember the exact slogan, but it's close -

-------------
mmasog  (william)

/*****************************************************************************/
/*wtkwest, mhoii  @utkvx.utk.edu ** Going Insane - From a Strain             */
/*wtkwest         @cs.utk.edu    ** Of Refrain   - That Always stays the Same*/
/*****************************************************************************/
Xref: sparky rec.humor:33316 rec.humor.d:2599 alt.folklore.computers:15991
From: rf@cl.cam.ac.uk (Robin Fairbairns)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.humor.d,alt.folklore.computers
Subject: Re: Trinary
Keywords: snipe hunt
Date: 9 Nov 92 10:07:02 GMT
Organization: U of Cambridge Computer Lab, UK

In article <1992Nov07.011214.18217@bnr.ca>, bcash@crchh410.BNR.CA (Brian Cash) writes:
|> [you don't want to know the parentage of this]
|> The Russians did have a base -1 machine, but that was uninary, not
|> trinary.  It worked on the theory of "bit re-use", where the negative
|> bits were dumped into and pulled out of a common buffer. They used
|> -1 instead of +1 in the hopes that any American attempts at 
|> hacking would be eliminated (the US 1's and USSR -1's adding up to
|> zero).

This is all entirely convincing.  I hadn't realised there was such
deep purpose in the computing industry of the USSR.

|>         The program was cancelled when it was found that the
|> machine would not accept the backward R used in the Russian language.
|> Hope this clears things up!

It's interesting that they were bothered by the backward R (soft a)
and not the backward N (soft I).  Presumably one can deduce (in a
Kremlinological sort of way) who was in power at the time the project
was dumped: it would have to be someone whose name contained soft A
and not soft I.
--
Robin (come back John Drummond) Fairbairns       rf@cl.cam.ac.uk
U of Cambridge Computer Lab, Pembroke St, Cambridge  CB2 3QG, UK
"They had twelve years to lay in wait for us" - Bush supporter on Nov 4
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes
From: brady@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Sucks To Be Me)
Subject: Some cookie fortunes for you
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 02:27:48 GMT

   Heres a collection of quotes out of some fortune cookies I got 
recently. Some are a little off color, but they are all funny.
I hope you enjoy them.

	Fu Ling Yu says:

   1. Marriage is good deal like taking bath - not so hot once you get
	used to it.

   2. Absent-minded nurse is one who makes patient without disturbing bed.

   3. High fidelity is a drunk who goes home regularly to his wife.

   4. Marriage is like long banquet with the dessert served first.

   5. Slip cover is maternity dress.

   6. Kiss is upper persuasion for lower invasion.

   7. Cow who gets divorce got bum steer.

   8. Nudists are people who go in for altogetherness.

   9. Girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time
	takes it away.

  10. Farmer who cant keep hands off wife better fire them.

  11. If you want a youthful figure, ask a woman her age.

  12. Fellow who lose girl, forget where he laid her.

  13. You never know how a girl will turn out until her folks turn in.

  14. Aviatrix who fly upside down sure to have crackup.

  15. Shotgun wedding is case of wife or death.

  16. Madam is someone for whom the belles toil.

  17. Bird in hand is not as good as girl in bush.

  18. A mistress is a cutie on the q.t.

  19. Drive-in movie is wall to wall car-petting.

  20. Womans best asset, mans imagination.

  21. Man with one track mind most likely possesses dirt track.

  22. It is very easy to lie with straight face, but its nicer to 
	lie with curved body.

  23. Man will often take girl to some retreat in order to make advances.

  24. Good resolution is like many a modern girl, easy to make but
	hard to keep.

  25. Boy who know love from A to Z, always make girl say: OH!

  26. Sex is most fun you can have without laughing.

  27. Eunuch not strange creature, just a man cut out to be a bachelor.

  28. The best years of a womans life usually counted in man hours.

  29. Vicious circle is a wedding ring.

  30. Next thing to a beautiful girl, sleep is the most wonderful 
	thing in the world.

  31. Money is poor mans credit card.

  32. I know a girl who started out with a little slip and ended up
	with a whole new wardrobe.

  33. Executive suite better known as sugar daddy.
-- 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
			    |If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real
Sucks to be Me  	    | limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and
                            | people will try to catch you because, hey,
Newsgroups: rec.humor