From: dxf12@po.CWRU.Edu (Douglas Fowler)
Subject: Only 2 those bugged that I have no kids but still post or e-mail
Reply-To: dxf12@po.CWRU.Edu (Douglas Fowler)
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Date: Sat, 25 Jul 92 15:07:33 GMT


     I've gotten several pieces of e-mail recently concerning this; if it
doesn't include you, don't read this, but I wished to clear the air.
     If you are not bothered by the fact that I post here and have no kids,
don't read this.  It has come to my attneiton that some of you are annoyed by
the fact that I post so often to help people here.  I understand that what I
received this morning was merely constructive criticism, but I'm sure
there are others out there who feel the same.  Well, first of all, let
me say that my mailer was down for several days, so posting was the
only alternative, as I didn't know how long it would be down.  I'm sure
you people are patient enough to understand that.  As for my quoting
other misc.kids parents, I have done that a total of 3 times, one in an
attempted e-mail that bounced, forcing me to put it on the network.
I *labeled* who I was sending it to that time.  I shall e-mail 70% of the
time now - it had been at 50% - but if there is something where I feel I can
be of help to more than one person, I'm posting.
      I got e-mail saying someone was annoyed at my posts this morning.
I am not offended, but I know there are others out there who may not
understand me, and I want to clear the air.  I am on here via modem, and
couldn't take the time to send this long e-mail, so I'm just now getting
my thoughts together.  I have seen too many people mistreat their kids
because they don't know any better, though, and seen too many problems
in this world; I feel the need to help people.  As long as I keep getting some
e-mail saying I'm helping, I will keep responding to posts - as I said,
mostly via e-mail.  I can't solve the big problems of the world, but I feel
as if I *am* helping with some of the smaller problems, from the e-mail
I've received.  If I can save one person from being hurt, if I can keep one
child from being treated unfairly, if I can help one person learn how to talk
so a child will understand, I feel I have done some good and feel like I'm
worth something.  I know other people are helping, too, and that the vast
majority of the parents on here are great, but they don't always have some
answers that I might be able to provide.  I need to feel like I am helping, and
so I do respond to posts here, sometimes by posting myself - so those
lurkers who may not post out of shyness or a fear of flaming, but who really
don't know how to handle things or don't do so with an eye towards their
children's well-being, can be helped.
     If I mention my extended family, please do not be annoyed; I have to to
provide examples.  If you don't think quoting other Usenet parents is
appropriate, I won't do it; I didn't for a long time because I felt it may not
be appropriate.  I mentioned one, quoted 3 to get divergent views, and
mentioned 1 again which I shouldn't have because it was repetitive.  That's
not too bad.  I won't do it again, though.  I will simply quote from only my
extended family.  The main reason I quoted from the network was because I
felt you people might be getting annoyed that I was using my aunt and
uncle's family too much.
     As for the fact that I have no children - WHY DO YOU THINK I USE
MY AUNT'S EXPERIENCES SO MUCH?!?  I'm sure if one person is
complaining, there must be other people out there who think I'm a boor
because I post here and have no kids, but I've talked to my parents,
grandparents, and aunt a lot, and what I say is a *compilation of their
wisdom*.  Why does it have to be firsthand experience to help people; I
will say again, I've gotten numerous thank-yous as it is.  If you can't
handle that, again, don't read my posts; I think I do a good job of
compiling information and passing it on.  Some people don't have that
family experience, and I feel that what I'm offering is good.  I don't see why
it should matter that it's not my own - if it's in your family, it can still
be helpful.  I've gotten some good ideas from there; that's what a large
number of people have said.  I'm just reporting what I hear.
     I'm not even saying they have all the answers; please don't take this
that way.  I've received great advice when people have e-mailed me
responding to my suggestions.  I am excited about that because it gives
me even more good stuff for when I become a parent.  I am really
*thankful* for misc.kids, because I do get more good ideas than if I just
talked to my family all the time.  They have good ideas, though.
     I have been flamed before for posting even though I have no kids.  Fine;
I've promised to e-mail most of the time.  However, on my system you press
'f' to post and 'r' to e-mail.  They're pretty close together, and I may
accidentally post something I intend to e-mail.  If I do, I'm sorry, but you
are parents; you don't punish your kids for things you know are accidents,
because you know everyone makes mistakes.  Don't nag or complain because I
have an accident.
     I'm sorry I wasted your time if you read this and I was not referring
to you, but I know there are people out there who are bothered, and I did say
who this was for.  I'm like you, I'm here to get ideas so I can be a better
parent; my family doesn't have all the answers. But we do have some, and I
hope you can put up with them until I do have kids of my own.  Just
remember, I could have lied and called my cousins my kids to make me sound
more authoritative, and you wouldn't have known the difference.  I don't
want to be authoritative based on a lie, though, but on the truth.  That is
how you win friends, by telling the truth.  I know there are a lot of people
who have applauded my posts and e-mailings.  If I stop receiving them, I'll
stop helping; not until then.  I thank all those who have e-mailed to give
me ideas or offer different solutions than I do, too.
-- 
Doug Fowler: dxf12@po.CWRU.edu      :    "Every baby born into the world is
Real home: Canton, Ohio             :  finer than the last."--Charles Dickens
 Trying to follow in the path of our :     "A baby is an inestimable
Lord;anything close will be a success:  blessing and bother."--Mark Twain