From: robg@citr.uq.oz.au (Rob Geraghty)
Subject: Re: Frustrations of the Helpless Romantics...
Organization: Prentice Centre, University of Queensland
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 00:40:37 GMT

gdn5220@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>Ok, here is a question for all of you romance buffs out there.  Am I the only
>male on the face of the Earth that wants a steady relationship and can't find
>one?

No, you're not.  Most of them seem to be here on the net :-)

>For the past two years it seems like the only people that I am attracted
>to either have not got the foggiest idea what the word relationship means, what
>romance is, are going out with someone else, or would like to get married the
>next day and have fourteen children.  What the hell am I doing wrong?

Maybe nothing.  But maybe they are...

>Is it so much to ask to find someone to fall in love with.

Not at all.  Unfortunately, although it's easy to ask, it's not easy to
find.  Sometimes you get lucky, but for most of us there's an awful lot
of waiting involved.
  
>The other thing that puzzles me, is all of the girls that I do know
>occationally come and talk to me and tell me that there arn't any guys out
>there that want a serious relationship.  All they want is sex.  WHAT ABOUT
>ME!!!!!  I mean, I like to be able to curl up next to someone in a warm bed
>just as much as the next person, but that isn't what I need to make a
>relationship work.  I would just like to find someone to go do things with on
>the weekends insteed of always going out with the guys, or just myself.  I'd
>like to be able to cook dinner for someone, or give them roses.  I'd like
>someone just to hold onto when I have had a bad day, or to be able to hold them
>when they have had a bad day.  Is that so much to ask.
>If anybody has any suggestions on anything new I can try please tell me.

Ah.  What you have here is a classic "NiceGuy(tm)" scenario.  This has
been discussed at length in alt.romance, so I won't try to start the
thread again.  If I said that most women went for the guys who don't
want a serious relationship, I'd be bombarded by all the women who
don't.

The problem appears to be this - we have a whole bunch of NiceGuys(tm)
and a whole bunch of NiceGirls(tm).  Both are usually inflicted with the
dreaded shyness disease.  Consequently they don't meet, or even if they
do, they never get to know each other.  So, alas, they stay lonely
NiceGuys and NiceGirls...

I suspect that there may be a NiceGirl who really likes you, but is too
shy to approach you.

I don't know the solution to the problem.  If I did, I wouldn't be a
lonely NiceGuy like the rest, would I?  All I know is that love appears
when you least expect it, and when you are being true to yourself.  What
I *can* say is that if you do the things that you like to do, say the
things that are true to you, be the best person you know how to be, you
will find someone.

She *is* out there, but the harder you search, the less likely you are
to find her.  I know it's contradictory, but the more whole you feel
within yourself without *needing* someone else, the more likely you are
to attract someone.  I think for love to really work, you need two
individuals working in synergy - whole in themselves, but so much more
for being together.  If each needs the other to validate themselves,
they end up drawing on the other person instead of accepting what is
freely given.  Both end up feeling unfulfilled.  But when two people
come together, giving freely... wow!

Rob
Official Journeyman-Harper of the RFA

--
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rob Geraghty               | 3 things are important to me 
robg@citr.uq.oz.au         | The gift of love, the joy of life
CITR                       | And the making of music in all its forms
Newsgroups: alt.romance.chat