From: potter@babbage.csus.edu (david potter)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.books
Subject: Spinsterhood Revisited
Summary: you picked the WRONG ones, methinketh
Keywords: Spinsters, Jan, Daughters, Buffalo Hides...
Date: 16 Dec 92 00:22:50 GMT
Followup-To: rec.arts.books
Organization: California State Looniversity, Sacredtomatotown

Someone named Mark wrote:

> From csusac!charnel!rat!usc!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!emory!
> wupost!gumby!yale!cs.yale.edu!news-mail-gateway!daemon
> Wed Dec  2 15:49:35 PST 1992
>
  ---- stuff deleted ----
>
> Heidi "The Fox" Wolf sat at her spinning machine, located in the Palo Alto
> offices of LOORSWALOB, when the call came.  "Of course, I can manage that.
> I'll get the help of Franky "The Captain" Muir in our Men's Auxillary.  He's
> always got something crafty up his sleeve.  And I'm sending Emma Pease over
> to Jan Yarnot's house.  We're trying to recruit her daughter.  She's 26 --
> that is old enough for spinsterhood, don't you think?"
>
  ---- stuff deleted ----
> 
> Mark
>
 
...the 26-year-old one doesn't qualify for formal Spinsterhood.  
   She's too busy earning a living as a Cocktail Waitress, in 
   order to support her various noxious addictions.....
   i.e.:  Porsches, boyfriends, the whole Yuppie Trip.   
     Trust me, she's a Party Animal.   I barely escaped with my 
   virtue intact, the last time I sat next to her in a darkened
   movie theater.
   Give *this* one a freshly-tatted doily, and she'll either blow
   her nose in it, or make it part of a collage in acrylics.  
   (Or, knowing her, BOTH.)
   ....And she does *not* drink tea, with or without pinkie 
   genteelly extended.


....and then John Nickles put in:

> From csusac!charnel!rat!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!sdd.hp.com!
> saimiri.primate.wisc.edu!ames!purdue!mentor.cc.purdue.edu!
> sage.cc.purdue.edu!nickles
> Thu Dec  3 23:56:11 PST 1992
>
> Now, keeping in mind that I well may be blackballed after my posting about
> "sex" by Emily Dickinson, I too would like to join the r.a.b. spinsters.
>
> N. B. I am unmarried, unaffianced, unattached, etc.
>
> P.S. I am two years younger than Jan Yarnot's daughter.
>
> John A. Nickles
>

   ....than WHICH daughter?   Jan raises them in GROUPS, you know; 
   cheaper that way.   (Clothing gets recycled, and books and art
   supplies get passed down, along with specific, helpful, survival
   suggestions, like How To Avoid Being Alone With Someone Like Me...)

   So you need to specify which daughter you're discussing, because they
   span an age range that extends from "Highly Illegal" (but toothsome,
   withal) up to "Old, Jaded, and Predatory..." (but still Not Ugly.)

 
   Incidentally, Jan is still debating acceptance of my last offer for
   the youngest; the bid is up to three white buffalo robes, two ponies,
   FOUR blankets, and a pair of rifles.   (I'll bet you didn't know the
   tribal name of the youngest is "Stands-With-A-Book."    Actually, 
   she also Sits-With-A-Book, Sleeps-With-A-Book, Rides-A-Bicycle-With-A
   -Book, and just generally spends her whole life with an open book 
   attached to at least one hand; this is why she's never made an entry
   on R.A.B.   ...takes TWO hands to touch-type.)

   Jan *does* tend to raise them literate, even if they do tend to go 
   down the drain after they discover boys, Porsches, and the Major Fruit
   of the Napa, Sonoma, and Mendocino Vallies......



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