HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: "Mary E. Allison" <mary@uicsl.csl.uiuc.edu>
Subject: Wediquette
Organization: Computer Science, Indiana University
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 92 9:13:19 CST
X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.3 PL11]

I think I like the word Wediquette :^).

I have a wedding ediquette question which I haven't found in any of
the "books" yet and maybe you guys could save me yet another trip to
the library.  (And those people thought they saw me a lot BEFORE I was
engaged). 

ANYWAY - I know that traditionally there are a number of people that
stand in the receiving line -- and I won't list out all the options
but every list I've seen seems to include the mother (or stepmother or
adopted mother) of the bride.

WHO stands in the receiving line when the bride has no parents or
parential substitutes?

THANKS

-- 
Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song? 
  -- Steven Wright

    Mary Allison (mary@uicsl.csl.uiuc.edu) Urbana, Illinois
Catx2 Owned, Square Dancer, Leaper, Engaged Person
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: C14596@maccvm.corp.mot.com (Danielle Solomon)
Subject: Re: HELP
Organization: Motorola
Date: 5 Nov 1992 16:06:41 CST

I HAVE GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE ALREADY BUT I JUST GOT OUT OF A 4 YEAR
RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE.  I MET HIM MY FRESHMAN YEAR IN SCHOOL.  I
THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO MARRY HIM AND EVERYTHING.  BUT JUNIOR YEAR HE
NEEDED SOME SPACE I THOUGHT HE WAS BREAKING UP WITH ME.  I FELT HORRIBLE
ABOUT IT.  BUT I STILL STAYED WITH HIM.  THEN HE STARTED TO ACT
DIFFERENT.  HE NEVER REALLY WANTED TO DO THINGS WITH ME.  HE WOULDN'T
COME VISIT ME BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO WALK TO MY DORM.  I ALWAYS
HAD TO WALK TO HIS APARTMENT.  I HATED IT.  SO I WENT OUT WITH MY
FRIENDS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.  I REALLY THOUGHT I LOVED HIM BUT I
MET OTHER GUYS AT PARTIES WHO WERE INTERESTED IN ME AND THAT FELT SO
GOOD.  I FELT BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.  I ENDED UP KISSING A FEW OF THEM.
I FELT REALLY GUILTY ABOUT IT I EVEN TOLD HIM ABOUT A FEW BUT HE DIDN'T
REALLY GET TO MAD.  BUT MY SENIOR YEAR I WAS TIRED OF BEING TAKEN FOR
GRANTED.  I WANTED TO BREAK UP WITH HIM BUT I THOUGHT IF I DID NO ONE
ELSE WOULD EVER GO OUT WITH ME.  I GOT USE TO HAVING A BOYFRIEND. IT
WAS SECURE.  MY FRIENDS TOLD ME TO GET RID OF HIM BUT I JUST COULDN'T
DO IT.  I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT HIM.  BUT WE GRADUATED AND WE LIVED 45
MINUTES APART AND I GOT A JOB AND HE COULDN'T FIND ONE SO HE BECAME
A REALLY DOWN PERSON.  I COULDN'T TAKE IT.  I MET A GUY LAST YEAR
THAT I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW.  BUT HE WAS A FRIEND OF A FRIEND AND
THEY CALLED ME UP.  I WENT OUT WITH THEM AND THINGS HAPPENED.  I NEVER
FELT THAT WAY BEFORE.  THIS GUY MADE ME FEEL SO SPECIAL THE WAY I
ALWAYS WANTED TO BE TREATED, HE OPENED MY DOOR FOR ME AND EVEN
BOUGHT ME A ROSE WHEN THE EVENING ENDED.  HE KNEW I HAD A BOYFRIEND
AND GET THIS EVEN WHILE KISSING THIS GUY.  WHO WAS A GREAT KISSER I TOLD
HIM I LOVED MY BOYFRIEND OR SO I THOUGHT.  ANYWAYS THIS IS GETTING LONG
BUT I DID IT I BROKE LOOSE AND NOW I AM WITH THIS OTHER GUY AND AM
SO HAPPY.  THE GUY FROM SCHOOL WAS MY FIRST TRUE LOVE BUT I HAD A YEAR
TO FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH HIM SO IT DIDN'T HURT TO MUCH.  I'VE BEEN WITH
THIS NEW GUY FOR 4 MONTHS NOW AND ONLY SEEN MY EX ONCE.  IT WAS A
HORRIBLE FEELING SEEING HIM BUT I'M HAPPY WITH MY DECISION.  SO I KNOW
EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.  I THINK YOU SHOULD SAY WHAT I DID.  I ASKED MY
BOYFRIEND IF I COULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE.  HE DIDN'T LIKE IT OF COURSE BUT
IT SCARED HIM IN THINKING I WAS GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM.  WHICH I DID
BUT IT WAS TO LATE FOR US.  TRY THAT LINE SEE WHAT HAPPENS. GOOD LUCK
IN WHAT EVER YOU DECIDE TO DO.    YOUR FRIEND, DANIELLE
From: jane_b1@verifone.com
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: How to avoid Abusive Men?!
Date: 27 Oct 92 12:53:33 -1000
Organization: VeriFone Inc., Honolulu HI

Help out there!

I'm asking for advice on how to avoid abusive men. My latest boyfriend, whom
I've been seeing for 6 months, just blew up last night because he thought I
wasn't getting his point. He started punching his car, so I went to mine and he
followed. There he opened my truck door and held it, telling me I couldn't
leave until I talked to him. As I had had enough of his yelling and getting
violent towards his car, I told him I would talk to him later, I just wanted to
get away. He then shook his fist at me, I told him to "go ahead, hit me" as I
knew I was in a trapped spot and he would do it if he really wanted to. I know
this response doesn't help, but he did stop long enough to say no. He now
denies that this ever happenned, that I was never threatened. He says I live in
my own fantasy land. Ha! :) Does anyone know if rage can block your memory?

I had an abusive ex husband who tried to end our marraige, and me, by hitting
the porch of our house with my truck. He was driving, and at least I had my
seatbelt on. I was shaken up and to this day won't willingly let a man drive me
anywhere besides my father or brother.

Needless to say, I am getting real tired of abusive men. And no, my father
never abused me in any way, shape or form. Any ideas on spotting and avoiding
them in the future? 

P.S. I have told my last boyfriend it's over, but he doesn't see why.
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: ellon@ADS.COM (Ellon St. Croix)
Subject: Re: marital finances
Organization: Wild Bill & BabyCat's House of Many Pleasures
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 18:25:02 GMT


robin@severian.chi.il.us (Robin J. Carkhuff) writes:
>
>What do you do when one partner is no longer employed?

   My Husband was laid off in May and was off work for 
   2 months.  While we did have his unemploymment, for 
   all intents and purposes my salary was all we had.
   And my salary was about 1/2 of what he had been making.
   We managed to get by without dipping into the savings
   at all by merely watching what we spent.  We cut down 
   on going to the movies but thats about it.  Luckily, he
   is working again, and making about twice what he was 
   before.  

>I'd imagine that if it's a case of temporary unemployment, a committed
>partner would "support" the one out of work as necessary.  What about
>when the couple decides to have one partner stay home and raise the
>kid(s)?  It might be possible to live on one income, but what
>arrangements are made for the stay-at-home person?

   We have talked a little about what to do when the kiddies 
   start coming.  He would like me to stay home with them, and
   I would like that as well.  Since I carry the checkbook with 
   me most of the time, it would probably be the same way after
   we have kids.  When he needs the checkbook he asks for it.
   But, he has credit cards and a teller card just the same as me.


   Your milage may vary.

   Ellon St. Croix

--
***********************************************************************
I cross my heart, and promise to give all I've got to give to make all
your dreams come true...In all the world, you'll never find a love
as true as mine!                   I Love you!       WCS & ESS 4/18/92
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: CMIS27@maccvm.corp.mot.com (Roda Farrell)
Subject: Re: Readings for Wedding
Organization: Motorola
Date: 12 Nov 1992 14:36:05 CST

------------------------- Original Article -------------------------
From: Sonja Kueppers <SEK@psuvm.psu.edu>
I am interested in finding a reading or readings for my wedding.
I hope that some of you may have used creative readings in your own
weddings, or be able to think of something that would be appropriate.

I am interested in readings which do not mention god, spirituality, or
any type of higher power, but which instead reflect on the meaning
of marriage.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
We had "A Good Marriage" read at our wedding.  I've forgotten who
wrote it, but I'll try to dig up a copy and post it.  It was done
rather nicely by a couple who alternated lines.


Some of the lines went something like
   Remember to say "I love you" at least once each day.
   Don't go to sleep angry.

Is this what you had in mind?
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: dedek@meaddata.com (Mike Dedek)
Subject: Re: Wediquette
Organization: Mead Data Central, Dayton OH
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 16:33:30 GMT

In article <9211061513.AA15196@uicsl.csl.uiuc.edu>, "Mary E. Allison" <mary@uicsl.csl.uiuc.edu> writes:
|> I think I like the word Wediquette :^).
|> 
|> I have a wedding ediquette question which I haven't found in any of
|> the "books" yet and maybe you guys could save me yet another trip to
|> the library.  (And those people thought they saw me a lot BEFORE I was
|> engaged). 
|> 
|> ANYWAY - I know that traditionally there are a number of people that
|> stand in the receiving line -- and I won't list out all the options
|> but every list I've seen seems to include the mother (or stepmother or
|> adopted mother) of the bride.
|> 
|> WHO stands in the receiving line when the bride has no parents or
|> parential substitutes?
|> 
|> THANKS
|> 
|>     Mary Allison (mary@uicsl.csl.uiuc.edu) Urbana, Illinois

This is hard to answer because what is the definition of parental subs?
I'd say this order of priority:  

1)  If someone (besides you) is paying for your reception, they should 
  stand there.
2)  If someone escorts you up the aisle ("gives you away"), they should
  stand there.
3)  If you have grandparents, they should stand there.
4)  If you have any other relative you feel particularly close to, he/she
  should stand there.
5)  Just let everyone else move up (i.e., bride, maid of honor, bridesmaids).

Keep in mind the definition of "should" in these includes the phrase "and you
want them to".  You shouldn't do anything you don't want to.

BTW, many people bypass the reception line nowadays, and just try to thank
everyone at the reception.

-Mike Dedek
From: exudtn@exu.ericsson.se (Derek Nelson, xt-dL)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Pre-marriage help
Date: 5 Nov 92 17:02:55 GMT
Reply-To: exudtn@exu.ericsson.se
Organization: Ericsson Network Systems, Inc.
X-Disclaimer: This article was posted by a user at Ericsson.
              Any opinions expressed are strictly those of the
              user and not necessarily those of Ericsson.

Hi Sonia,

Just sit back and enjoy it.  :)  What's that?  You can't with your family driving 
you crazy and his family driving you crazy.  The caters, florist, music, picking
the vows and finding a date/church got you down?

Well, I have a few tips.  
1) Write everthing down in one notebook.
2) Involve the groom as much as possible.  Buy one of those books that
    has a list of grooms responibilites. (he'll begin to appreciate how much
    work is involved.  I did.)
3) Don't let others tell you how to conduct a ceremony.  It's YOUR day do
    it the way you want.


Derek 
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: elle@kimbark.uchicago.edu (Ellen Keyne Seebacher)
Subject: Re: marital finances
Reply-To: elle@midway.uchicago.edu
Organization: University of Chicago Computing Organizations
Distribution: usa
Date: Sat, 14 Nov 1992 01:24:54 GMT

In article <92308.182342SIMCOEE@QUCDN.QueensU.CA> 
 <SIMCOEE@QUCDN.QueensU.CA> writes:
>I just cannot understand the tenor of these postings.
>When you marry, you become ONE person - financially, emotionally, even
>physically (well... maybe on a good night).

All the rest of us coupled humans appreciate your appointment as our
spokesperson.

(Whatever happened to "IMHO"?)

--                    __
Ellen Keyne Seebacher \/             elle@midway.uchicago.edu

  "Vacations from Usenet should be _mandatory_."  --James Hague
From: cos@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Ofer Inbar)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: How to avoid Abusive Men?!
Date: 11 Nov 92 17:09:00 GMT
Organization: Brandeis University

jane_b1@verifone.com writes:
>Needless to say, I am getting real tired of abusive men. And no, my father
>never abused me in any way, shape or form. Any ideas on spotting and avoiding
>them in the future? 

  I think what works best is to be friends before you become lovers.
People usually have very little trouble avoiding abusive friendships,
at least compared with "lovers".  And if you're friends with someone
for a while, you know them well enough to predict if deeper
relationship can work.  As and added bonus, when you break up with
someone who was your friend before, it's usually a lot easier to
remain friends than if you didn't know them before you started going
out.
  Of course you can't always do things this way, but trying to is
almost as effective.  Basically, when looking for a new relationship,
look for a friend, not for a boyfriend.  The kind of person who would
be turned off from you by a LJBF sort of attitude is the type of
person least likely to make a good relationship, IMHO.  So even if
things go quickly and you start a relationship with someone you've
known for a very short time, as long as you've waited long enough to
know that you *would* have been friends, you've got an advantage.

  --  Cos (Ofer Inbar)  --  cos@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu
  --  WBRS (BRiS)  --  WBRS@binah.cc.brandeis.edu  WBRS@brandeis.bitnet
   Love: a blurring of the distinction between selfish and selfless.
From: matthews@tachyon.West.Sun.COM (Gail Matthews SUN IR FSA)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Readings for Wedding
Date: 9 Nov 1992 20:01:11 GMT
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
Distribution: world
Reply-To: matthews@tachyon.West.Sun.COM
NNTP-Posting-Host: tachyon.west.sun.com

Try "Gift from the Sea," by Anne Morrow Lindbergh.  I read a section from
this book at my own wedding.  It's well worth reading, even if not at your 
wedding.


-- gail matthews



In article 213100SEK@psuvm.psu.edu, SEK@psuvm.psu.edu (Sonja Kueppers) writes:
>I am interested in finding a reading or readings for my wedding.
>I hope that some of you may have used creative readings in your own
>weddings, or be able to think of something that would be appropriate.
>
>I am interested in readings which do not mention god, spirituality, or
>any type of higher power, but which instead reflect on the meaning
>of marriage.
>
>Anyone have anything like that?  :-)
>-Sonja
>------
>SEK@psuvm.psu.edu SEK@PSUVM.BITNET
>Love is not enough.  It must be the foundation, the cornerstone --
>but not the complete structure.  It is much too pliable, too yielding.
>                                            - Bette Davis
From: jaker@csugrad.cs.vt.edu (Jake Rose)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Weight problems between couples
Date: 8 Nov 92 09:07:49 GMT
Organization: Virginia Tech Computer Science Dept, Blacksburg, VA

jim@jimmc.chi.il.us (Jim McNicholas) writes:

>J032300@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM writes:

>> Society places a lot of pressure on women re: weight.
>> I've heard the theory that I call the 'contented cow.'  If woman is
>> happy, she is fat.  If she slims down, that means she is looking.  I
>> disagree.  The most important thing is to feel good about yourself!
>> No matter what your weight. You cannot lose weight, gain weight, quit
>> smoking/drinking - whatever your vice for someone else.  You must do
>> it for yourself.
>> Having recently lost 10 pounds to get back to my high school weight, I
>> can relate!
>> Lori
>The question is Lori does this mean your looking? :-}

If so, she'd be agreeing with the theory she states she disagrees with!
Your coffee & sugar supply must be running low. :)

>-- 
>____________________________________________________________________________
>|jim@jimmc.chi.il.us   |   ...And I believe in long, slow, deep, soft wet  |
>|Prime Time Productions| kisses that last three days...good night...OH MY! |
>|Aurora, IL. 60504     |        -crash davis to annie savoy in BULL DURHAM-|
>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
-- 

Wulf                    |Zero Defects, n.: The result of shutting down a
jaker@csugrad.cs.vt.edu |production line.
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: lpj@col.hp.com (Laura Johnson)
Subject: Re: people who don't want children (was: Re: Procreation?)
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 19:48:15 GMT
Organization: HP Colorado Springs Division

linda@wendy.net.com (Linda Hill) writes:
> 
> Right.  As one couple who has recently taken permanent steps towards
> being childfree, we do vote for school bonds, etc.  When my husband
> says, but we're never having children, I remind him of the children
> of our friends and family.
> -- 

And don't forget, after we all retire, it's the ones who are in school
now that will be running the country. So maybe we want them to be
educated.
-- 
Laura Johnson
lpj@hpctdls.col.hp.com
Opinions expressed are my own, but may be licensed for a nominal fee.
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: hoff@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Wildfire)
Subject: Re: HELP
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 22:14:23 GMT

My rule is:
              If you're unhappy more than 50% of the time, 
                 it just isn't worth if anymore.

It also sounds to me like you're being taken for granted.
I had a boyfriend who did that.  He was in the Navy, and had to leave
for Desert Storm.  His letters petered off, and he pretty much only
called me once every 6 weeks or so for 20 minutes, and talked to me
like he was reading it off a list.  He called his friends at least twice
as often.  When I asked him about it when I dumped him, he said that 
he thought I "would never ever leave [him], so why call?"
Needless to say, I didn't appreciate it very much.  He's married now,
less that two years after we broke up.  I'm guessing I was better off
without him (since I found someone who I think is WONDERFUL!)
You also didn't mention how much you were calling.  Do you think you're
hanging on TOO much?  Perhaps he feels suffocated and needs space.
I've made THAT mistake before too.

Well, good luck in all your endeavors, I know how hard it is.....

			-Wildfire-

 ||    Wildfire  ||  hoff@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu  ||  lmh44500@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu  ||
 || "Computers are just the opposite of people.  In computers the software ||
 ||  goes into the hardware.  In people the hardware..." Torchsong Trilogy ||
 || disclaimer:  "...my love, you, if anyone, should know that my rules    ||
 ||         only apply to other people, not myself"  -Friday               ||
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: lionel@cs.city.ac.uk (Lionel Tun)
Subject: Re: How to avoid Abusive Men?!
Organization: City University, London
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 92 12:46:14 GMT

One idea off the top of my head:

Get a trusted male relative or friend to observe him. Preferably
including times when you are not around. Consider the assessment
of the observer carefully.

I have a feeling that women are more believing and more easily
deceived, while men are more suspicious and skeptical (in
general). It may be that a woman who is often taken in by
abusive men is particularly trusting, and cannot see warning
signs. Maybe such a woman should get a brother, cousin etc
to check out the guy for her.


--
Lionel Tun   (lionel@cs.city.ac.uk)
Vision Group, City University, London, EC1V 0HB. 071-477 8000 x 3889
From: bsb@Unify.com (Beverly Sobelman)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Readings for Wedding
Date: 10 Nov 92 20:46:18 GMT
Organization: Unify Corporation (Sacramento)

In article <92313.213100SEK@psuvm.psu.edu>, Sonja Kueppers <SEK@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:
> I am interested in finding a reading or readings for my wedding.
> I hope that some of you may have used creative readings in your own
> weddings, or be able to think of something that would be appropriate.
> 
> I am interested in readings which do not mention god, spirituality, or
> any type of higher power, but which instead reflect on the meaning
> of marriage.
> 
> Anyone have anything like that?  :-)

Well, I'm not sure how you define "spirituality", but I really like
the section on marriage in _The Prophet_, by Khalil Gibran.  If you
don't have access to the book, I can post/email that chapter - it's
not too long. His words on Love are also worth contemplating.

-bev
(please respond by email - I stop by this neighborhood only
occasionally..) 

-- 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
   Beverly H. Sobelman	   *******************************************        
   bsb@unify.COM           * "If your happiness depends on what someone
   Unify Corporation       *    else does...you do have a problem. "
   (916) 928-6279          *	   - Richard Bach, Illusions
From: jim@jimmc.chi.il.us (Jim McNicholas)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Weight problems between couples
Date: 6 Nov 92 01:42:57 GMT
Article-I.D.: jimmc.ayNsTB4w165w
Reply-To: jim@jimmc.chi.il.us (Jim McNicholas)
Organization: Prime Time Productions Aurora, Illinois

J032300@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM writes:

> Society places a lot of pressure on women re: weight.
> I've heard the theory that I call the 'contented cow.'  If woman is
> happy, she is fat.  If she slims down, that means she is looking.  I
> disagree.  The most important thing is to feel good about yourself!
> No matter what your weight. You cannot lose weight, gain weight, quit
> smoking/drinking - whatever your vice for someone else.  You must do
> it for yourself.
> Having recently lost 10 pounds to get back to my high school weight, I
> can relate!
> Lori
The question is Lori does this mean your looking? :-}


-- 
____________________________________________________________________________
|jim@jimmc.chi.il.us   |   ...And I believe in long, slow, deep, soft wet  |
|Prime Time Productions| kisses that last three days...good night...OH MY! |
|Aurora, IL. 60504     |        -crash davis to annie savoy in BULL DURHAM-|
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Readings for Wedding
From: Sonja Kueppers <SEK@psuvm.psu.edu>
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 21:31:00 EST
Organization: Penn State University

I am interested in finding a reading or readings for my wedding.
I hope that some of you may have used creative readings in your own
weddings, or be able to think of something that would be appropriate.

I am interested in readings which do not mention god, spirituality, or
any type of higher power, but which instead reflect on the meaning
of marriage.

Anyone have anything like that?  :-)
-Sonja
------
SEK@psuvm.psu.edu SEK@PSUVM.BITNET
Love is not enough.  It must be the foundation, the cornerstone --
but not the complete structure.  It is much too pliable, too yielding.
                                            - Bette Davis
Newsgroups: soc.couples,soc.singles,alt.personals
From: dld@cs.monash.edu.au (David L Dowe)
Subject: Sharmini's birthday Tuesday 10th November
Summary: Sharmini Thurairasa's birthday Tuesday 10th November
Keywords: Sharmini, Manohari, birthday, November 10th, Tuesday
Organization: Computer Science, Monash University, Australia
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 10:26:07 GMT

Distribution: universe

Hello, humanity.    Please direct all "flames" to /dev/null :-) .
Yes, Tuesday 10th November is the 1992 birthday of Sharmini Thurairasa,
mst@stan.xx.swin.oz.au .
She (and her hubby) won't object too strongly if you elect to greet her for
her birthday, at the above e-mail address, mst@stan.xx.swin.oz.au .
What information can I divulge to make this all the more interesting?
Well, no big scandals, here.    She's a modest and nice woman.  On the other
hand, she has possibly watched the Hinch program (even if only changing
channels), and she does live in the same city as Franco Cozzo.

Please direct responses to Sharmini and please NOT to the newsgroup.

Thank you.    With well wishes,   social_secretary.