From: mdcsc!ah@uunet.UU.NET (Alexander Herrera)
Newsgroups: alt.recovery
Subject: Re: Amends revisited
Date: 9 Sep 1992 23:50:13 -0500
Organization: UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway
NNTP-Posting-Host: cs.utexas.edu

Adria writes about her terrible experiences with her employer and her
abusive mother and wonders if she should have to make amends to such
dispicable people. She writes:

>      Perhaps the Big Book is wrong here.  Perhaps we do not
> have to make ammends for EVERY resentment we have?  Perhaps
> there are some things that happen in which we have no part
> other than being there and we owe no one anything.  Perhaps
> there were some injustices done to us after all, that we
> need to heal from, take time for the pain to go away, before
> the feelings of resentment go away.  Perhaps there are some
> resentments for which no ammends on our part can be made?

I think you may be confusing step 4 with step 8 which is making a list
of all the people we have HARMED (not that we resent) and being willing
to make amends to them all.  The disgusting people you mention in your
post likely will not fall into the catagory of people you have harmed.

I certainly understand the resentments you have toward your employer
since my former wife and I went through a similar set of circumstances
when we were married and she worked for the university. I was so upset
by these university maniacs that I wished them all dead. Deep
resentment. The BB says that we must be rid of these resentments or it
will kill us. I will reproduce the text regarding step 4 below:

66	  If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The 
	grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may 
	be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcohol-
	ics these things are poison.

	  We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the 
	future. We were prepared to look for it from an en-
	tirely different angle. We began to see that the world 
	and its people really dominated us. In that state, the 
	wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to 
	actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that 
	these resentments must be mastered, but how? We 
	could not wish them away any more than alcohol.

	  This was our course: We realized that the people 
	who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. 

67	Though we did not like their symptoms and the way 
	these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. 
	We asked G-d to help us show them the same toler-
	ance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully 
	grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said 
	to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful 
	to him? G-d save me from being angry. Thy will be 
	done."

	  We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't 
	treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our 
	chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all 
	people, but at least G-d will show us how to take a 
	kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.

Afterward it talks about looking for our own part in this resentment.
If there is any then write it down along with your grudge list.
Chances are that in this instance, your part may be small or
non-existant. I would also suggest reading Freedom From Bondage. It is
my personal favorite for suggestions in releasing myself from
resentment (especially about parents).

Alex Herrera
uunet!mdcsc!ah
Newsgroups: alt.recovery,talk.politics.drugs