From: coolidge@speaker.wpd.sgi.com (Don Coolidge)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: What Dan Quayle Means To Me
Date: 10 Nov 1992 19:30:54 GMT
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: fddi-speaker.wpd.sgi.com

This newsgroup has been among my favorites for many months.
The regular and charming antics of Our Man Dan, as well as
those of the various Davis', CUNNINGHAMs, Krugers, dear
ZAPHOD BEEBLEBROX (we never did find out his real name, did we?),
and numerous other assorted clowns and deluded braying fools,
not to mention the ripostes of some of our more skilled skewerers
(Dhanesh, Maddi, Cat, both Erics, only one Ron (E., notP.), Pat,
Jeff, the list goes on...) have brightened many a day for me, and
I'm sure will continue to do so for several weeks more.

But that's not why I came here in the first place. In truth,
I've had a warm spot in my heart for Danoe for some time. Not
that I *like* him (heaven forfend!), but that he's always
reminded me of a humorous homonymous incident I once saw
happen.

(Yeah, I know, you're all saying, "Oh, sure, it really happened!
Just like 'Why Settle For A Lesser Evil? Cthulhu For President!'
Just like The Supermarket Tabloid Alien being Dan! Right!" Well,
it's really true! And so were the others! I can't help it if 
I'm lucky and strange things happen around me...:^)

About ten years ago, Our Boy was in the Senate and I was driving 
on a backcountry road near San Diego. Up ahead, I could see that
I was approaching a flock of quail crossing the street. Now, some
animals show a little sense when they're near a street and a car 
approaches. They lay low, hide, or at least wait for it to pass
so that they won't get run over. Not quail. They just start running 
faster and faster, trying to get the whole flock to the other side
before doom strikes (the possibility of flying over it all somehow
never occurs to them..:^). 

The last quail in the bunch was the largest - undoubtedly the leader
(Niven's Hindmost?). By the time I got to the quail crossing (almost
stopped, because I'm one of those bleeding hearts who doesn't care
to squash wildlife), that last quail was running like I've never seen
anything run before. And then right in the middle of the road, the
quail tripped over his own feet, fell down, and banged his beak on 
the street surface. He bounced right back up again, looked around
with a dazed, Dan-in-the-headlights look on his face, and then strode
off slowly, albeit waveringly, with as much dignity as he could muster 
(not much :^).

For years that episode remained merely a warm, amusing memory. But
then I discovered alt.fan.dan-quayle, and it took on far greater 
significance, one foreshadowed by the [qQ]ua[iy]l[e] pun.

First, there's no denying that these birds are simply stupefyingly
*dumb*. Ask anyone who's ever hunted them, or even just casual
observers like myself. So, in order to not have their behavior seem 
totally untoward, they surround themselves with a herd of likeminded
(so to speak) birds of a feather (hmmm...The Republican Party? Nah!). 
By doing so, they seem right at home (hmmmm...family values...well, 
maybe, but...). Next, when they find themselves getting into trouble  
doing something (say, crossing a street by moving from left to right, 
not even pausing as they pass the center), their response is to keep 
doing it, only harder, faster, and moreso, bringing the whole flock
along with them (The convention? "Pulled a Clinton"? Murphy Brown?
128 new taxes? *Character*??? This was getting eerie...).

The clincher was that hindmoste quayle. There he was, moving to
the right at warp speed, running as hard as he could, and he went
and *tripped* over his own feet. I've never seen any other bird trip;
I didn't know they could! (At least he didn't inhale...:^). Then after
bashing his Bill :^), he hopped right back up, swiveled his head as 
though he knew that *something* had just happened, but he didn't know
quite what, except that it clearly couldn't have been what it *appeared* 
had happened, and continued on his way with an hilarious show of dignity,
as though he'd won the encounter.

Amazing how politics imitates life...well, maybe not *real* life...

Don Coolidge
coolidge@speaker.wpd.sgi.com
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle