From: tlode@nyx.cs.du.edu (trygve lode)
Subject: Re: criteria
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 93 22:52:44 GMT

In article <1993Jan2.195012.1212@noose.ecn.purdue.edu> mel@niblick.ecn.purdue.edu (Meloney D Cregor) writes:
>
>Just because I may limit my selection to men who absolutely adore me, who
>have unusually high sexual drives, a sense of humor to entertain me
>endlessly, an intelligence to keep me alert and a physique that drives
>me wild with lust, doesn't mean I can't bemoan the lack thereof.
>
>And do.  bitch, bitch, bitch....

You mean that guys like that are hard to find?  Why, I thought 72% of the
men who post ads on alt.personals described themselves as just like that.


Trygve   (Well, almost like that--they usually also like windsurfing and
          long midnight walks on the beach.) 
--
 
                       HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS
 
    If you're like most men, you've always envied "pick-up artists"--
guys who would just walk up to the most gorgeous girl around and have
her going home with him inside five minutes.  You've thought to yourself,
"I wish I could so that," and gone home...alone...to another lonely night.
 
    But the simple fact is, you CAN do it!  It doesn't take good looks,
brains, loads of bucks, a pleasant personality, personal hygiene, or the
ability to spell--all you have to do is follow these three easy steps:
 
    Step 1:  The first step in picking up a girl is to find one. Although
this is not difficult, many consider it to be the most important part of
picking up a girl.  If you have already found one, proceed to step two.
Otherwise, find one; refer to the chart below for good and poor places to
find elligible girls.
 
                 Good                              Poor
 
            Shopping Malls                      Drainpipes
           Poetry Readings                      VD Clinics
            Grocery Stores                      Landfills
           Outdoor Concerts                Meat-Packing Plants
             Laundromats                 Hospital Emergency Rooms
        Fast-Food Restaurants                 Oil Refineries
              Salad Bars                     Public Restrooms
 
 
    Step 2:  Having found the girl you wish to pick up, perk her
interest and break the ice with a clever, snappy opening line.  Again,
refer to the chart below for opening lines to use and to avoid.
 
             Use                                 Avoid
 
              Hi                Wanna check out the back seat of my car?
 Who's your favorite Stooge?            Is that your real hair?
 Care to join me for dinner?   Are you going to finish those french fries?
     Is this seat taken?         Wow!  Your dress matches my seatcovers!
  I'm Mel Gibson in Disguise           I'm Mel Brooks in Disguise
 
 
    Step 3:  Having selected a girl and gained her confidence, you may now
proceed to pick her up.  Begin by standing at her right side; place your
left arm across her back, bend at the knees, and place your right arm behind
her knees.  Then bring your right arm up and to the right while
straightening your legs.  A dull thud at this point indicates that your
attempt was unsuccessful and you should return to step 1; otherwise,
congratulations! You have just picked up a girl!

Newsgroups: soc.singles