From: burgoyne@access.digex.com (J. Robert Burgoyne)
Newsgroups: misc.entrepreneurs
Subject: Re: NEW AD
Date: 12 Jan 1993 04:11:25 GMT
Organization: Express Access Online Communications, Greenbelt, MD USA
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: access.digex.com
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rui.ribeiro@brent.uucp (Rui Ribeiro) writes:
: My wife just got her business permit.  I'd like to run our ad by you.
: Let me know what you think.
: 
: *********** Shira - Amazing Psychic **************
: Now you can know what 1993 has in store for you.
: Romance, Wealth, New Opportunities.
: Your 6 Month Forecast for only $25.00
: Send your name, address, date of birth and check or Money Order to:
: 
:                      Shira
:                   P O Box 307
:                Nanuet, NY  10954

Well, I'm someone who's spent a good deal of money in the last year
and a half learning how NOT to waste money in direct marketing.

I've been spending my own money.

What you've got is a $25 one step in direct marketing terms. One step
means that you're intending to make a $25 sale directly from the ad
itself, which as I count it is 45 words long.

Any classified ad expert will tell you that classifieds suck for
one-steps almost without exception. There's not enough space to tell
a good story to compel readers to send money through the mail. You're
also using a PO box, a definite no-no for one steps.

No matter where you run this ad, you will probably get less than 2   
paid responses. So let's start our discussion about where to run the
ad with the National Enquirer, the highest circulation weekly news
magazine at 3.5 million paid copies per week. We call it "NE" for short.

The NE has a 5 week advance insertion schedule. Closing is every
Tuesday for an issue that hits the streets 5 weeks later. Most people
do one ad, wait 5 weeks to see if it works, then if it does they
buy more ads. NE accepts VISA and Master Card, and you can FAX them
a classified ad order form.

This is important info I'm giving you for free. The NE is the best
test market for many different classified ads, and this has been 
documented in the literature numerous times. In direct marketing,
it's usually advantageous to do your best effort first, so that you'll
know if you stand a chance of making your offer work. Do less than your
best, get poor results, and you'll be wondering whether a better effort
may have done the trick.

The NE charges $8.95 per word, times 45 words, that's $402.75. So 
you would need 16 paid orders out of 3.5 million to break even.
Statistical analysis will delude you into thinking that a .011%
break-even response rate is sure to be a winner for a product with
such wide appeal. But it won't happen. You will lose most if not
all of the $402.75.

The information you are about to read is worth thousands of dollars.
So you should pay me something for it. Thus, to read the information
that follows you will incur a charge of $500...



Heh, heh. Thanks for the money!

The NE already has tons of astrology one step ads. And yours is pretty
far from being the best of the lot. But I know which ones are working,
providing more income than they cost. Once again, this knowledge is
worth REALLY BIG money, so it'll cost you another $500 to learn what
it is...



It's going to be fun deciding what to do with all this money you're all 
sending to me!

A few weeks back, I did a heavy-duty analysis of classified ads in the
NE. Including astrology. About 1/5 of the Astrology ads have been running
consistently for > 6 months; the rest are mostly one shots like what you
are proposing. 

How did I do this analysis? I've been buying and reading the NE for
> 6 months. Anyone else worth their salt in direct marketing does too.
Libraries don't carry the NE, so you'll need to amass your own 
collection to analyze the classified ads.

The only type of one step ads that have reasonably good success rates
are astrology section classified ads for 1-900 psychics. There is a 
COMPELLING reason why these one step ads work where most others fail.

Again, it's going to cost you another $500 to find out why...



It's because the effort that the readers of 1-900 live psychic ads
are required to make is so minimal, compared to the effort required
from ads like yours.

Anyhow, you asked for commentary, and I've given you mine.

It's no lie or joke that the information in this post is worth thousands
of dollars. But because you got it free, most of you will completely
forget about what you just read and the knowledge will be lost forever.

Rui, you will lose money with your proposed ad. I promise you.

The only reason I am not writing how to make your concept work is the
following:

	If I tell you how to make that idea work and you don't pay
	money for the knowledge, you will discount the value of the
	information provided and never try it out, or you won't follow
	instructions well enough to make it work.

So good luck to you Rui, and to all others interested in classified
ads. It can be tremendous fun to hit the nail on the head, which I 
can help you do. 

But for my services to make your services/products sell, you must pay
me money. See the .sig below, and please call, DON'T send email if
you want more information.


J. Robert Burgoyne		  Maryland FYI		  Laurel, Maryland
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Newsgroups: misc.entrepreneurs