HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: warlock@ecst.csuchico.edu (John Kennedy)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: Who ARE You Giving to?
Date: 11 Jan 93 05:32:49 GMT
Organization: California State University, Chico
NNTP-Posting-Host: amber.ecst.csuchico.edu

In article <28336@dog.ee.lbl.gov> TWChan@lbl.gov (Terry Chan) writes:

-->  It seems that the money given to those donation boxes 
-->  that you frequently see in retail stores which ask for 
-->  X cents or dollars for some charity (e.g., leukemia, 
-->  dialysis, sex changes, etc.) don't directly go to the 
-->  charity itself.

  A few weeks ago here in Chico someone "exposed" this in a local paper.
Up here, a company was selling "rights" to "jars".  Someone who wants to
put a jar out would fork over about $40/jar to the collection company and
from then on would pay something like $2/month, one person usually running
about 40-50 jars.  Obviously, you can see where the profits are going.  (:

  I think the statistic they came up with was that less than 39% of all
funds collected by these organizations actually made it to the charity
itself.

  The paper wound down with a lot of questions.  Basically, you can't
really tell unless you want to dig through paperwork and forms... hardly
something that's worth doing for $.25 on the spur of a moment.

  Something that might be fun to check is a factoid that they spit out...
the person who "owns" the jar is supposed to have their name on the back
somewhere.  Call them & harass them in the name of chairity!

  	-- John "an eye for an eye... how about 39% of an eye?" Kennedy

-- 
p'ch'zarni'chiwkov:  the nasty little sound of a sword being unsheathed right
behind one at just the point when one thought one had disposed of one's enemies.
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: PAPAI@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Jonathan Papai)
Subject: Re: google??
Organization: The Ohio State University
 <104425@netnews.upenn.edu>
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 04:35:23 GMT

mrice@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Matt Rice) writes:
>In article <1993Jan12.005135.11898@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> PAPAI@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Jonathan Papai) writes:
>>davew@willow03.cray.com (Dave Wagner) writes:
>>>I remember hearing once that a 'google' is 10^100 or something like that.
>>
>>1) yes
>
>I thought a google was 10^10, and a googlePLEX was 10^100.

Small corrections necessary before this gets out of hand. (note spelling)

American Heritage Dictionary Writes:

googol - The number 10 raised to 100 power, 10^100  [coined by
Milton Sirotta, nephew of Edward Kasner (1878-1955).]

googolplex -The number ten raised to the power googol (10)^10^100
[GOOGOL+(DU)PLEX.]

(No biographical data available on Edward Kasner. Help!)

ObUL: Kasner changed his name to Asner, and played a news director
at WJM, where one of his writers later became captain of the love boat.

Jon "Would 1 googol meters be 10^88 TerryMeters?" Papai
From: moe@rainier.lib.washington.edu (Joe Shippert)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: Jesus' name (was Re: Late breaking potential UL!)
Date: 9 Jan 93 00:04:40 GMT
Organization: University of Washington Libraries, Seattle
NNTP-Posting-Host: rainier.lib.washington.edu

In article <1993Jan8.180935.16231@jarvis.csri.toronto.edu> flaps@dgp.toronto.edu (Alan J Rosenthal) writes:
>PAPAI@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Jonathan Papai) writes:
>>I've heard:
>>
>>1) Jesus H. Christ
>>2) Jesus Q. Christ
>>3) Jesus F***ing Christ
>>?
>
>Temporarily assuming something which is most likely false, namely that you are
>asking in seriousness, Jesus' name was simply "Jesus", or if you prefer "Jesus
>of Nazareth". 

Isn't "Jesus" or "Iesus" a Latinized version of "Joshua"? Was Jesus's name
really Joshua?

-djoe


-- 
=============================================================================
moe@u.washington.edu
"To be burnt with fire, shackled with chains, beaten with rods, and 
killed with steel"          - gladiator's oath of loyalty
From: styri@hal.nta.no (YuNoHoo)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: What new innovation, software or products do you want to see?
Date: 6 Jan 93 16:39:26 GMT
Reply-To: styri@nta.no
Organization: Bohemians and Globetrotters, Unlimited

papai@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Jonathan Papai) writes:
> Babak sehari writes:
> > automatically posted to all unix wide bbs'
>
> Sounds like he left his terminal unattended.

afcondon@maths.tcd.ie (Andrew Condon) writes:
> Well, if so the perp. was thorough cos flaming the guy yields this
> auto-reply (quoted without permission of course):
>
> [reply deleted]

Lucky you, all I got was a reply from his sysadmin. But, I didn't really
suggest any useful innovations. Guess I'll use the USENET flame form
the next time. Anyway, there's some relevant posts down at news.admin.policy
if you like to know what happens next.

---
YuNoHoo  "no, I didn't mail him the 684 muffin recipes from rec.food.cooking"
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: nolan@twg.com (D.Jockey)
Subject: Re: Rush!Rush!Rush!
Reply-To: nolan@twg.com
Organization: Programming Department
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 16:59:37 GMT


In article <28254@dog.ee.lbl.gov>, twcaps@tennyson.lbl.gov (Terry Chan) writes:
|>Terry "Does anybody know the name of some BAD groups?" Chan

Yup! 13th Floor Elevator.
--

Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: datepper@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (David Aaron Tepper)
Subject: Re: Sodium in gas tank ( was: Net's Funniest Kitchen Disasters)
Originator: news@nimaster
Organization: Princeton University
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 02:04:25 GMT

In article <1993Jan7.152605.21284@newsgate.sps.mot.com>,
markm@bigfoot.sps.mot.com (Mark Monninger) writes:

[sugar-in-gas-tank UL deleted]

>They
>finally removed the tank and cut it open (carefully) and discovered that
>none of the sugar had dissolved...sugar apparently isn't soluble in
>gasoline. Anyone else remmeber this? Any comments?

Well, if sugar is a polar molecule, and gasoline is nonpolar, I imagine
they wouldn't dissolve. It wouldn't work that way.

ObUL: Leaking battery acid reacts with the sugar to form steam and a
black, gummy substance which can be identified as carbon. _This_ is how
that trick works.

Tep
-- 
If you wake up and don't want to smile, if it takes | Dear Lord, give
just a little while, open your eyes and look at the | me chastity...  
day, you'll see things in a different way. Don't    |    but not yet. 
stop thinking about tomorrow.       --Fleetwood Mac | --St. Augustine
Xref: sparky alt.folklore.urban:32854 alt.fan.lemurs:285
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,alt.fan.lemurs
Subject: Re: Ring in the New Year with Some FAQs
From: derek@nezsdc.icl.co.nz (Derek Tearne)
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 93 22:24:20 GMT
Organization: Fujitsu New Zealand

In article <mD41wB2w165w@codewks.nacjack.gen.nz> system@codewks.nacjack.gen.nz (Wayne McDougall) writes:
>
>ObUl: PA, London
>A cat was given a clean bill of health after accidentally being put through a
>90 minute automatic washing machine cycle. Priskin, an 18-month-old white cat,
>amazed vets after surviving the rigorous wash, rinse and spin programme
>virtually unscathed. His owner, Carol Bishop, of Oxfordshire, went to unload
>her newly washed whites and found the cat at the back of her machine. The
>main damage was bruising to his ears and a torn claw. He was in deep shock and
>was kept at the vets' surgery for three days.

Unfortunately as they were leaving the vets the cat was run over by a 
passing washing machine service van and killed.

Derek "I still maintain the fire engine and cat story is true" Tearne


-- 
Derek Tearne.   --   derek@nezsdc.icl.co.nz   --    Fujitsu New Zealand   -- 
 _______
 _______} This is a Usenet condom<tm>.  Roll the condom over the .signature 
	  file before posting to protect yourself from .sig retro-virii
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: dsegard@nyx.cs.du.edu (Daniel Segard)
Subject: Re: The shifty-eyed shifty-shaped Odo
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 93 16:42:46 GMT

In article <C0pGpG.32u@NeoSoft.com> arielle@NeoSoft.com (Stephanie da Sil
a) writes:
>In article <lks17nINNk2g@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM> linden@positive.Eng.Sun.COM
(Peter van der Linden) writes:
>> 
>> How did the Cardassians carry Odo aboard disguised as a sportsbag
>> without noticing his weight?   Or does he shift weight as well as
>> shifting shape?
>
>The thing that bugged me about that scene is when he reshifted, he
>shifted back to his usual self.  I mean, like, really.  Let's smuggle
>ourselves aboard an enemy spacecraft and wander around and be as 
>consipicuous as possible, eh?


       In the second episode Odo transforms himself into a small rat. 
Perhaps we could explain the weight problem with the hypothesis that Odo
is actually hollow and that the humanoid "shell" which we normally see
actually has very little real mass to it....

Xref: sparky alt.folklore.urban:33437 sci.bio:4859
From: scm@harvee.billerica.ma.us (S. Mudgett aka little gator)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,sci.bio
Organization: gators 'r us
Subject: Re: My mother the gorilla
	<C0nxt4.Bwu@polaris.async.vt.edu> <ll3vnuINN18g@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM>
Reply-To: scm@harvee.billerica.ma.us
X-Software: HERMES GUS 1.10 Rev. Dec 23 1992
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 08:55:16 -0400
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

In <ll3vnuINN18g@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM>, Peter van der Linden writes:
>common.   Perhaps all primates (inc the Archbishops of York & Cantab)
>have at least 95% of DNA in common.    Perhaps all mammals have at least
>75% in common.   After all, the DNA gives the instructions to build a 
>hairy, warm-blooded, four-limbed, live-young-bearing, milk-giving, tongued
>creature, and the rest is just fine-tuning.
whales are mammals, and they don't have four limbs.
-- 
-- little gator aka s. mudgett     email: scm@harvee.billerica.ma.us
-- friend of a gator is a friend of mine
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: datepper@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (David Aaron Tepper)
Subject: Re: Man pays for college with pinball
Originator: news@nimaster
Organization: Princeton University
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 03:25:06 GMT

In article <C0nwrH.2ou@geovision.gvc.com>, pt@geovision.gvc.com (Paul
Tomblin) writes:

>Pinball machines of this era (ie. mechanical scoreboards) almost
>universally maxed out at 15 free games (if I remember correctly - could
>be 10). I find it hard to believe this guy could live off of $1.50 a
>day. Even if the machines went up to 100 free games, that's only
>$10/day. And I find it hard to believe that the "place" would pay
>off that much more than a few times without changing the policy.

It's worse than that. You know those "for entertainment purposes only"
blurbs on the cabinets of pinball machines? What that means is, if
you've been playing for hours and get 10 credits, and the place of
business then closes, the operator doesn't have to (or can't--I'm
a tad fuzzy on the proper modal here) pay you for the credits you've
earned.                                 

>Paul "Sometimes a reality check doesn't hurt" Tomblin

Dave "It does if you're living in a terrific fantasy" Tepper
-- 
I don't need you to worry for me 'cause I'm all right | Dear Lord, give
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home.   | me chastity... 
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life.   |    but not yet.
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone. --B. Joel| --St. Augustine
From: "michael benveniste" <michael.benveniste@channel1.com>
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: three times unlucky?
Date: 13 Jan 93 00:04:28 EST
Reply-To: "michael benveniste" <michael.benveniste@channel1.com>
Distribution: alt
Organization: Channel 1 Communications

In Message-ID <1993Jan7.200203.11762@midway.uchicago.edu> TED FRANK
thf2@ellis.uchicago.edu refers to the following message.
>>> hmm, I was staying with a friend over the holidays, and
>>> her sister is in the British Army- I was told that
>>> someone had to be struck 3 times before
>>> retaliation could be construed as self-defence.

I believe this is bogus, but there was at least one weird law of
this type in Illinois.  It used to be the law in Illinois that a single
beating did not constitute grounds for divorce, unless it constituted
attempted murder.  To grant a divorce on the grounds of physical
cruelty used to require "extreme and repeated physical or mental
cruelty", which the courts interpreted as least two beatings, with
sufficient time in between "for the blood to cool." (Section 401,
circa 1981).
---
  DeLuxe 1.21 #10918  Sleep is the opiate of the proletariat
--
Channel 1 (R)   Cambridge, MA
From: joltes@husc10.harvard.edu (Richard Joltes)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: Flammable Cars (Was: Re: Mother Lifts Car Off Chi
Date: 5 Jan 93 19:08:36 GMT
Organization: Harvard University Science Center

jlpicard@austin.ibm.com writes:

[I wrote]

>> Yes.  Several years ago the "Nice Old Lady Across the Street" from my former
>> residence locked her keys in her idling Ford, then called the fire department
>> to come and SlimJim it open.  The nice firefighters did so, and just as they
>> opened the door there was a loud "FWOOOOSHHHH" and the entire car went up in
>> flames due to a fuel leak near the manifold.  Sloppy luck, if you ask me...
>
>Was it a Ford Escort? I read in Consumer Reports that one year's model [87?] 
>of the Escort had a faulty something-or-other that would cause the engine to
>catch fire if the car idled for more than 10 minutes or so. Apparently, some
>car dealership in northern Virginia had a lot full of Escorts and, in an effort
>to keep the batteries charged, started them all up, resulting in about 20 of 
>them catching fire. (I rather enjoy the image of a bunch of car salespersons
>running about desperately, waving their arms in the air, going "Fire! Fire!"

Yes, it was, in fact.  Can't recall if it was an '87, but something close to
that (it wasn't '80-'85 anyway).  I vaguely recall the lady in question 
telling us afterward that a Very Embarassed Ford Motor Company had settled 
with her insurance company without incident and gave her something like $6500
to help with her next purchase.

Can't recall whether she bought another Ford, though.

After the whole thing was settled she became somewhat paranoid (wonder why?)
about her car, and anything out of the normal panicked her.  She came running
across the street one morning about 5AM, pounded on our door, and asked a
very bleary-eyed Yours Truly to come over and find out what was wrong with her
new car.  She said the "hazard warning indicator" was flashing.  I staggered
across the street, reached into the car, and shut off the "hazard flashers"
(U.S. cars have a button that causes all parking lights to flash--used in
case of accidents and disabled vehicles), then staggered back home and fell
into bed again.  She'd apparently hit the button by accident and had no idea
what it was...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dick "mechanical wizard" Joltes				joltes@husc.harvard.edu
Hardware & Networking Manager, Computer Services 	joltes@husc.bitnet 
Harvard University Science Center

"Mind you, not as bad as the night Archie Pettigrew ate some
sheep's testicles for a bet...God, that bloody sheep kicked him..."
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: mjenkins@alfred.carleton.ca (Michael Jenkinson)
Subject: A twist on the "Eskimos have 100 words for snow" UL
Organization: Carleton University
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 19:00:05 GMT

Today at the 11:00 service at the Metropolitan Bible Church, Wilf
White, of the Canadian Bible Society was talking about how difficult
it is to translate the Bible into other languages.

For instance, he said, there's an African language that has over 1,000
different words that connote "walk".

So Jesus "walking" on water is a completely different concept in this
language as "walking" the road to Damascus, or having a Christian
"walk".

Apparently this drives Bible translators nuts, because choosing the
wrong African word for the "walk" in the English Bible can make the
passage come out very differently.

Michael
I'm going for a walk.
From: twcaps@tennyson.lbl.gov (Terry Chan)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: May you live in interesting times...
Date: 6 Jan 93 22:06:27 GMT
Reply-To: TWChan@lbl.gov (Terry Chan)
Organization: Department of Redundancy Department
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.3.12.117

wma@sfsuvax1.sfsu.edu (Wei Z. Ma (~{Bm~})) writes:
  +
  +>	Is that what we mean ~{WgVd~} for Chinese curse?  I hope I did
  +>not pick up a wrong word.

PAPAI@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Jonathan Papai) writes:

  +I tried ROT 13, and it still made no sense.  Unusual capitalization
  +also.

Well, it IS a curse, afterall.


Terry "Gives 'hex' a whole old meaning" Chan
--
Energy and Environment Division   | Internet:  TWChan@lbl.gov
Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory      | 
Berkeley, California  USA  94720  | Yeah, right.
From: PAPAI@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Jonathan Papai)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: A FAQ for the Holidays
Date: 8 Jan 93 00:31:08 GMT
Organization: The Ohio State University

In article <1993Jan3.220516.24864@news.unomaha.edu>,torsten@cwis.unomaha.edu (Torsten Wesley Adair) writes:
>lasner@watsun.cc.columbia.edu  writes:
>> >>OFFICIAL FOOD OF AFU
>> >>  - Chicken Mole'
>> >>  - Red Velvet Cake
>> >>  - Poinsettia salad
>> >>  - Kentucky Fried Chicken
>> >>  - little gator's Deep Sh*t Cookies
>> >   - fruitcake
>>     - anything served in Aluminum pans
>      - anything with a UPC symbol (666 and all that rot)
>      - live roasted fowl  (could also be mascot)
       - Flan

-J.
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: PAPAI@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Jonathan Papai)
Subject: Re: google??
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 00:51:35 GMT

davew@willow03.cray.com (Dave Wagner) writes:
>I remember hearing once that a 'google' is 10^100 or something like that.  Is
>this for real?  If so, says who?  If not, has anyone else heard this?  Does
>it have any mathematical use?

1) yes
2) generally accepted
3) lots of people
4) Expressing big numbers, such as ((2*5)^2^5)^2^5. Had trends continued,
it would have been a useful number for price of bread in Weimar Germany.

ObUL: The Mexican Peso is being revalued by a factor of 1000.  Now about
pi Pesos/US$.

Jon "Makes runs for the border." Papai
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: sbooth@lonestar.utsa.edu (Simon E. Booth)
Subject: Re: Cars Bursting into Flame
Organization: University of Texas at San Antonio
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 06:29:27 GMT

In article <1993Jan4.020706.7350@midway.uchicago.edu> thf2@midway.uchicago.edu writes:
>In article <C0B39q.GC@cs.psu.edu> antunes@astro.psu.edu (Sandy Antunes) writes:
>>Re: cars bursting into flame on TV and in real life...
>>
>>I guarantee that cars can burst into flame, and not just on TV.
>>Mine did (VW Bug) while I was driving it through Pennsylvania...

Ever hear about the Pinto?  :-)

And be thankful that Ford never built that nuclear powered car they
were designing in the 50's!

Simon

Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: MJFORRES@SUVM.SYR.EDU (maurice)
Subject: Re: Shamen
Organization: Syracuse University
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 93 18:28:12 EST

In article <1993Jan6.190503.17831@midway.uchicago.edu>
thf2@ellis.uchicago.edu (Ted Frank) writes:
 
>Didn't the lead-singer of Shamen drown or something?
 
Yeah, and didn't Phil Collins see it happen and right a song
about it?
 
maurice
                                                 Maurice Forrester
                                                 mjforres@suvm.syr.edu
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: styri@hal.nta.no (YuNoHoo)
Subject: Re: Amusing signs
Reply-To: styri@nta.no
Organization: Bohemians and Globetrotters, Unlimited
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 93 13:35:23 GMT

In article <73FXwB8w165w@unkaphaed.gbdata.com>, popec@unkaphaed.gbdata.com (William C. Barwell) writes:
|> presley@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (Joe Presley) writes:
|> > In article <254swB2w165w@page6.pinetree.org> fred@page6.pinetree.org (Fred En
|> >  : In Ottawa we have green signs with a line drawing of a dog, a pile of 
|> >  : dogshit, and a bag.  Arrows go from the dogshit to the bag.
|> >  : 
|> >  : The pictograms are designed to tell you that it is OK for your dog to 
|> >  : shit if you put it in a bag.  The sign neglects to tell you what to do to 
|> >  : the bag.
|> > 
|> > You giftwrap it and put it on your car seat or a park bench.
|> 
|> No, you put it on a nearby doorstep, light the bag, ring the doorbell and 
|> run.

Unless if it happens to be Halloween...

Due to inspiration from AFU I'll consider training the dog to leave the smelly
stuff under diesel vehicles.

---
YuNoHoo "welcome to alt.folklore.cascades???"
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: PAPAI@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Jonathan Papai)
Subject: Re: enterprise vs. love boat
Organization: The Ohio State University
 <1993Jan12.184056.672@cbnewsd.cb.att.com>
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 19:42:56 GMT

barth@cbnewsd.cb.att.com (barth.richards) writes:
>[Content deleted]
>8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
>88  Barth Richards                  "Language is a virus from outer space."  88
>88  att!ihlpf!barth                           - William S. Burroughs         88
>8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Barth's attempt to write (8/9)*(googol)^1.67

ObUL: Eugene Ore.- A woman on the couch in her living room was crushed
to death by a 90-foot-tall Douglas fir tree that fell through her
house, police said.
	Rebecca Coleen Shelquist, 33, was napping or watching TV on
Saturday when the tree crashed into the three story duplex, said
police spokesman Tim Birr.
	Falling trees have long been a danger in the hills surrounding
Eugene, said Birr, who called the accident one of the worst he had
seen.
	A neighbor, Dave Brinduse, said he had notified the area
neighborhood association that the tree was beginning to lean and made
a video of it, but nothing was done.

(was she going to watch A&E all weekend?)

ObClarification:  If Dave knew the tree was going to fall, and left
the camera on to record it falling through the house, would that be a
SNUFF VIDEO?

Jon "If a tree falls and nobody hears it." Papai
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
From: rodney@cabot.balltown.cma.com (Rodney Peck)
Subject: broom sticks (or is that one word?)
Organization: Balltown Offsite
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 21:22:32 GMT


In article <1993Jan6.151808.26750@syma.sussex.ac.uk> andyh@syma.sussex.ac.uk (Andy Holyer) writes:

   ObUL: Has the story about the man who died when he was resting on the end of
   a broom, and slipped, so the bromm handle went... well, where gerbils fear
   to tread....
   It was doing the rounds a few weeks ago. Claimed to have happened in
   Eastbourne (about 15 miles away). I have been unable to trace any
   corroboration, so it looks like a live one guys. Was in the Daily Mirror, if
   that helps at all....

That's a lot like something I think every youngster has learned the
hard way shoveling the driveway.  You see -- sometimes, there's just a
half inch or so of light snow there and you can just use the shovel as
a plow.  You just hold it out in front of you and go.  Of course, you 
start running so you can get the job done faster, and eventually you hit
a crack in the sidewalk which stops the shovel and if you're lucky, you
catch the end of the shovel right in the stomach.  If you're unlucky, you
catch it lower or in the face...