From: jfurr@nyx.cs.du.edu (JKF)
Subject: Lemurs (Was: Re: Joey the Lemur (transcript, kinda long))
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Keywords: Lemurs, Joey the Lemur, King Dinosaur, spam, cockroach, aerosol
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 92 20:10:19 GMT

In article <1992Dec16.151640.24639@organpipe.uug.arizona.edu> franklir@helium.gas.uug.arizona.edu (Ryan J Franklin ) writes:
>In article <1992Dec15.205940.19317@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> jfurr@nyx.cs.du.edu (JKF) writes:
>>
>>Windows.  That reminds of me of the time Vance Kochenderfer had to call
>>Lemur-B-Gon when a bunch of the Lemurs were keeping him awake at night
>>beating on his windows trying to get him to let them in.  He knew better
>>than to do that, as they would just have come inside and made even more
>>noise playing with the kitchen appliances and asking him for his credit
>>card number and expiration date so they could order cubic zirconium
>>jewelry off QVC and the Home Shopping Network.  Fortunately, Lemur-B-Gon
>>came quickly and took care of the situation by bribing the Lemurs into the
>>back of a closed van with some Ben 'n' Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream
>>(it's banana icecream with chocolate chunks).  The Lemurs were then taken
>>over to Newman Library and released into the photocopier area where they
>>busied themselves making photocopies of their body parts.
>
>Lemur-B-Gon?  Aren't they rather expensive?  It strikes me that Vance could
>have accomplished the same task himself with a crate of Twinkies and perhaps
>some juggling to lure the Lemurs to someone else's apartment window, and
>then let THOSE poor guys pay the Lemur-B-Gon bill.

Vance was studying for exams that week, as I recall, and wasn't in prime
juggling condition.  Plus, he was fresh out of Twinkies from the last time
the Lemurs picked the lock of his apartment and got inside.  But yeah,
Lemur-B-Gon is pretty expensive.  That's one of the big selling points the
LBG franchisers use: sure, there aren't a LOT of lemur infestations, but
you make enough from each work request you DO get that you make back the
investment for Lemur-B-Gon supplies.  Plus, of course, you can always
recruit Lemur-B-Gon people yourself and make a certain percentage of their
intake.  Some people say Lemur-B-Gon is a classic pyramid scheme but those
people have never had to experience the nightmare of a horde of bored
lemurs trying to get inside their apartment to play with the appliances.

>That's an important point, though.  Never give a lemur a credit card.  A
>checkbook is bad enough, to be honest, but they go seriously wild with
>credit cards.  Not only do baby lemurs covet them (they open cages like
>magic if you know how to use them), but they allow you to buy brand-new
>Burl Ives records in quantity off of late-night TV commercials.

I'm surprised that no one has come out with a special "For Lemurs Only"
credit card.  It would get you special discounts on the Home Shopping
Network and QVC, not to mention that you could pay it off with yams.

Is Burl Ives still recording?  I have this vision of Burl Ives giving a
concert in Madagascar and being swarmed by a horde of Lemurs partway
through "On Top Of Old Smoky."

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