HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: roelle@uars_mag.jhuapl.edu (Curtis Roelle)
Subject: Re: Presidential Decree.....
Organization: Johns Hopkins University
Date: 17 Dec 92 15:36:50 GMT

equipt@etch-eshop.Berkeley.EDU (Etcheverry Equipment Inventory) writes:

>Thanks to President Elect Clinton now we can all come out of the closet:

>It's going to be an ALL GAY MILITARY.....

>Watch out US ARMY, US NAVY, US AIRFORCE best of all Watch out

>U S   M A R I N E S......we are going to penetrate you gays I mean Guys..

>________________________________________________________________________

Q:  Why don't sailors have pockets?

A:  So their wallets stay out of the way.

(disclaimer -- traditional joke)
From: sringrose@galaxy.gov.bc.ca
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Wanted: Ways to Say Someone's Crazy
Date: 16 Dec 92 08:49:44 -0800
Organization: BC Systems Corporation


    Dumb as a bag of hammers....

Scott
> 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: schw_mi@pts.mot.com (Mike Schwarz)
Subject: Re: Car Acronyms
Reply-To: schw_mi@pts.mot.com
Organization: Motorola Communication Systems, Boynton Beach, Florida
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 15:10:21 GMT

Or how about the classic

Driver returned on Foot. 

---
Michael A. Schwarz
A missed place Bronco Fan in Dolphin Country.
Go Broncos

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: LJ03933@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM
Subject: Pig ascii
Organization: Lockheed Missiles & Space Company, Inc.
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 15:44:46 GMT

           ########             #########
        ###        ###      ####         ####
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           #              #      #########      #    #       #
           #              #       #######       #    #       #
           #              #                     #    #       #
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           #              #       #######       #    #       #
           #              #      #########      #    #       #
           #               #      #######      #     #       #
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             #                  ##       ##                #
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      #      #####                                     #
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  #      ###         #                             #
   #                  ##                         ##
    ##                  ##                     ##
      ##              ##  ##                 ##
        ###        ###      ####         ####
           ########             #########
---
From: 2b98pronovic@vms.csd.mu.edu (Ken Pronovici)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: RIDDLES (involving no survivors,bears,birds or bus drivers)
Date: 16 Dec 1992 18:59:34 GMT
Organization: Marquette University - Computer Services
Reply-To: 2b98pronovic@vms.csd.mu.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: vmsd.csd.mu.edu

"uIn article <1992Dec12.234012.81818@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu>, sjb5@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (STACY JOHN BEHRENS) writes:
>
>>|>
>>|>  Anyway, onto the second riddle which is probably more widely known than the
>>|> first but just incase you haven't heard it :
>>|>
>>|>  Is it possible to construct a sentence in English which contains five
>>|> consecutive "and"s and doesn't break any rules of English
>>|> grammar/syntax/semantics (i.e. it has to make sense)?
>>|>
>>
>>I've never seen this one, and will be interested to see the answer.
>>
>>Daniel Silevitch                                 dmsilev@athena.mit.edu
>>Massachusetts Institute of Technology
>>
>
>
>He said, "And and And and And".  How's that?  One person describing what
>another said.
>
	If you're going to do it that way, shouldn't it be:

		He said, "And," and "And," and "And."     ??


	I'm not sure if the commas/periods are right, but the other person 
	only said the ands that start with a captital A, so only those should
	be quoted.

			KEN PRONOVICI
		2B98PRONOVIC@VMS.CSD.MU.EDU


"If I'm wrong, tell me!!"

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: hbsperki@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au (James Perkins)
Subject: Re: Elephant jokes!!!! 
Organization: ITC, Griffith University, Brisbane, Australia
Date: 12 Dec 92 01:20:32 GMT

How about these:

Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey the Elephant.

Q: What do elephants use for condoms?
A: Garbage bags!

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: Why do pygmies wear giant condoms on their heads?
A: Because if an elephant steps on them, they're fucked!

Q: What did one elephant say to the other elephant when he realized he'd
stepped on a pygmie?
A: Look what I just stepped in!

Q: What do elephants use for slippers?
A: Sheep!

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that thing?

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.

Hope you like 'em!

J.P.
From: rjs5@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (ROBERT JOSEPH SOLFANELLI)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Scranton
Date: 18 Dec 92 09:24:00 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <1992Dec15.192423.4420@brtph560.bnr.ca>, mpetro@brtph126.bnr.ca (Myro
n Petro P030) writes:
>
> Look out someone from Da-U knows how to use a key board they must be blind bec
ause
>they think up da line is beautiful.
>
> Just kidding. I had to post when I saw yours onnakowna I am a valley native.
>
>       Myron Petro
>       NRA, USPSA
>        DVC y'all
>       ************************************************************************
**
>        The opinions included in this post are my sole responsibility.
>        And are protected by the First Amendment and guarnteed by the
>        Second Amendment.
>
    Wow, I didn't know that there were other people from Scran'n on the board!
    Know any good Prep. jokes?   (i.e.  Does your son go to Prep? Does he wear
    a purple dress?...)
-- 

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
| Bob Solfanelli                    |  "I do not like green eggs and ham,     |
| Lehigh University                 |   I do not like them Sam I am."         |
|                                   |                      -Dr. Seuss         |
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
From: vxv4@po.CWRU.Edu (Virgilio Velasco)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: What TV teaches us...
Date: 13 Dec 1992 03:49:07 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: vxv4@po.CWRU.Edu (Virgilio Velasco)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc5.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, hjiwa@gruc19.nor.chevron.com (Jeff Wang) says:

>garrett@Ingres.COM (REACH OUT AND GREP SOMEONE) writes:
>
>[ 39 educational aspects of watching television deleted ]
>
>|> 40) Nobody on TV has time to watch TV (except for Al Bundy and the Simpsons).
>
>41) Good guys never have to reload their six-shooters; bad guys always run out
>		of bullets when they're about to shoot the good guy at point-blank range.
>
>42) The most important qualities men and women look for in each other are the
>		absence of bad breath, underarm perspiration, and dandruff.
>
>43) Monsters are best hunted down when everyone spreads out and goes out alone
>		instead of in groups.
>
>44) You don't have to know how to act to be an actor or actress.
>
>45) All good guys are former professional race car drivers, which allows them
>		to catch the bad guys in their cars.
>
>46) Football referees favor the home-field team when making calls.
>
>47) Gruesome murders always occur at night.

48) Vampire hunting is best done at night, while the vampires are awake
	and dangerous.

-- 
    Virgilio "Dean" Velasco Jr., CWRU grad student & roboticist wannabee
		      ** Wise men still seek Christ. ** 
  "Perhaps we would have more power if Engineer Scott  |    My boss is a 
      connected your mouth to a generator, Doctor."    |  Jewish carpenter.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: roelle@uars_mag.jhuapl.edu (Curtis Roelle)
Subject: Re: Volunteers Needed for an Experiment in Cognitive Psychology
Organization: Johns Hopkins University
Distribution: usa
Date: 15 Dec 92 17:08:25 GMT

jiazhang@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Jiajie Zhang) writes:

>We are currently conducting an experiment to study how people solve
>very simple problems.  We ask for volunteers to participate in this
>experiment.  It only takes about 2 to 3 minutes.  Plus, it is fun and
>enjoyable. 

>To do the task, simply type:

>telnet canyon.psy.ohio-state.edu (or 128.146.112.91)
>Login: psyexp
>(No password is needed.)

>Then enter your terminal type, such as vt100, sun, xterm, and so on.

>Everything is fully automatic and self-explained.

Yeah, maybe I'd bite -- but on nothing that's been posted to rec.humor!

(Is this response by any chance useful to you PSYCHO types?)
From: "frank rosenbaum" <frank.rosenbaum@execnet.com>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: riddle?
Date: 11 Dec 92 19:25:52 EST
Reply-To: "frank rosenbaum" <frank.rosenbaum@execnet.com>
Distribution: rec
Organization: Executive Networks Information

>
>You see four birds sitting on a tree branch. You shoot one of them down.
>How many birds are left on the branch?

None they would have all flown away after you shot the first bird.
>
>Flames welcome, more examples preferred.
KC/A Canadian plane traveling to the U.S crashes at the border. In which
  /country should the survivors be buried?

nowhere.

               Frank in White Plains NY
---
  1st 1.01 #710  Trains don't kill people, Grade crossings do.
--
Executive Network Information System  (914) 667-4567
International ILink Host
From: ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: CHALLENGE
Date: 16 Dec 92 18:11:52 GMT
Reply-To: you@ems.cdc.com
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of CDC

In article <1992Dec15.033644.116858@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu>, rcs4@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (ROBERT CHRISTOPHER STEELE) writes:
|> I have heard many lawyer, barrister, arbitraitor, etc. jokes but have yet to
|> find one that actually makes the lawyer look good. If you have a joke that
|> does make a lawyer look please send me it or post it on the net.


Don't hold your breath, it does not exsist!  ;-)
From: ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: a joke (!)
Date: 11 Dec 92 15:56:57 GMT
Article-I.D.: nntp_ser.31059
Reply-To: you@ems.cdc.com
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of CDC

In article <1992Dec10.014424.7518@news.uakron.edu>, murali@emily.polymer.uakron.edu (Murali Cotah) writes:
|> Keywords: 
|> 
|> SORRY 
|> 
|> I AM CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING PROBLEMS WITH POSTING. TRIED TO POST A JOKE AND THE PUNCH LINE GOT LEFT OUT - ATLEAST I COULD NOT SEE IT ON MY TERMINAL - SO IF THE JOKE (?) I POSTED DOES NOT SEEM TO BE LIKE ONE THEN 
|> 1. U DID NOT UNDERSTAND IT
|> 2. THERE IS NO PUNCH LINE
|> 3. IT IS NOT FUNNY
|> 4. U HAVE NOT READ IT
|> THANX FOR THE PATIENCE IN ADVANCE -- 
|> 
|> cotah

Probably the GGBJ..
From: jfox@sumax.seattleu.edu (---------FOX---------)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Joke
Date: 15 Dec 92 00:30:08 GMT
Distribution: rec.humor
Organization: Seattle University

Joke:

      Descartes walks in to a bar.
Descartes: "Gimme a Bloody Mary."
Bartender: "Yes Sir"
      After about 15 minutes
Bartender: "Would you like another, sir?"
Descartes: "I think so."
      After another 15 minutes.
Bartender: "How about a third drink sir?"
Descartes: "I think so."
      After 20 minutes. Descartes gets up and puts on his coat.
Bartender: "Would you like another one before you go?"
Descartes: "I think not."
      ******@@**POOF**@@****** in a cloud of smoke Descartes disapears.

If you don't get the joke e-mail me jfox@seattleu.edu
Shadoxx<----AKA---->Doug Fox
"Thumb on the blade and strike upward." Napoleon
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rog@Ingres.COM (Roger Taranto)
Subject: Re: Where do jokes get started?
Organization: Ingres Corporation, a subsidiary of The ASK Group, Inc.
Date: 14 Dec 92 23:38:54 GMT

In article <3aDsVB2w165w@netlink.cts.com> tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry) writes:
>There is actually a computer program that has 10,000 Milton Berle Jokes.

It contains code stolen from 10,000 other programs.

-Roger
From: mrynders@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Maurice Rynders)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Just a Thought...
Date: 17 Dec 92 00:18:52 GMT
Organization: Indiana University

In article <76922@hydra.gatech.EDU> gt2841c@prism.gatech.EDU (gt2841c) writes:
>
>
>I think a better cigarette warning label would be
>
>"Use of this product has been shown to cause cancer. The manufacturer
>does not accept liability for any disease, illness, or other health
>problem arising from the use of this product."
>
>..Or something like that. Comments? Please post them, don't clog up
>my mbox :-/ 
How about:

"Stopping with smoking now forces us to sell even more cigarettes in
South and East Asia, as well as in other less industrialized parts of
the world, because we MUST get that buck, independent of whose health is
at stake." ?

MCR 

>-Koushik 
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
From: aps@sonia.math.ucla.edu (Alexei Stolboushkin)
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Organization: UCLA Mathematics Department
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 92 06:09:29 GMT

In article <gDyoVB1w165w@bwalk.dm.com> dlv@bwalk.dm.com (Dimitri Vulis) writes:
>
... stuff deleted

v Ierusalime otkrylsya restoran ``Nostal'giya'': skaterti gryaznye,
kormyat durno, otbyvayuschih gostej shvejtsar naputstvuet slovami:
``Ubirajsya v svoj Izrail', zhidovskaya morda...''
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Subject: Her first lesson in deer hunting
Reply-To: record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Organization: LMSC, Sunnyvale, California
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 92 20:48:18 GMT

   A man had finally talked his wife into going deer hunting   
with him and they were about to get out and go, but he      
said ,  "Before we get out there, I have to explain a few   
things.  First of all, we are going to split up and walk    
both sides of this canyon...I'll be on one side and you will
be on the other. Second, if you should shoot a deer, you   
MUST get up to the deer ASAP, because if somebody else gets 
to it first, they could tag it and take it from you.  Be    
ready to protect your kill if you do get there first."      
She decided that it didn't sound too hard and they went on  
their way.                                                  
   As he was walking along on his side of the canyon he     
heard a shot from where his wife should have been and went  
running to see how she had done.   When he found her, she   
had her gun pulled and aimed at this cowboy.  The cowboy    
was walking slowly backward with his hands in the air saying
   "Okay Lady, you can have the deer....but can I have the    
saddle off of it?"                                          


Dave Record
record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
From: amorgan@csd-d-3.Stanford.EDU (Crunchy Frog)
Subject: Re: Far Side Test -- FREE MUG TO WINNER
Originator: amorgan@csd-d-3.Stanford.EDU
Organization: /usr/lib/news/organizatoin
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 17:49:55 GMT

In article <72460944517252@grafix.eid.anl.gov> 
  jim@grafix.eid.anl.gov (Jim Kuiper) writes:
>
>  4) What two words were in the "Primitive Spelling Bee"?
>
>     Cave and Australopithecus
>     Source: Came p. 87

Bzzt.  Wrong.  Close, but wrong.  The cartoon in question has one
Neanderthal (I assume) being given the word "cave".  He spells it
easily.  The next one is thinking "Oh sure, I'll probably be given
australopithecus".  The word is *not* actually in the spelling bee.

C "Pedant" Frog
From: v140pxgt@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Daniel B Case)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Why Women Like Trombone Players
Date: 16 Dec 92 19:13:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <_6l2cdc@rpi.edu>, petitc@nuge111.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes...
>(This is somewhat 'dirty' so stop now if you don't like slightly off-color
>jokes)
> 
>Know why women like trombone players so miuch?
> 
> 
>Because trombone players have something that's always long and hard.

I thought it was because they could do it in seven positions...
>-- 

							Dan Case
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: messiah@nevada.edu (mw)
Subject: So whatzis... ?
Originator: messiah@redrock.nevada.edu
Organization: University of Nevada System Computing Services
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 03:37:39 GMT

                  
                  
                  |
                __|__
               /  _  \
              (  (_)  )
               \_____/  
                  |
                  |
                  

( elcycib no nacixem fo weiv laira )
Xref: sparky rec.humor:36436 talk.bizarre:41752
From: andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Plagarism?
Date: 15 Dec 92 12:50:42 GMT
Organization: Spider Systems Limited, Edinburgh, UK.

In article <Bz97sE.57J@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> mechalas@expert.cc.purdue.edu (John Mechalas) writes:
>In article <1992Dec14.124835.696@spider.co.uk> andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon) writes:
>>In article <1992Dec10.212420.5826@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson) writes:
>>>In alt.tasteless.jokes, csg188@cch.coventry.ac.uk (MR X) writes:
>>>                                                   ^^^^^
>>Errrmmm. Cos' they're still pissed off about Vietnam and they want to show the
>>world that they can beat a bunch of un-trained natives ?
>>
>>Maybe I'll cross post this to rec.humor. I love flame mail.
>>    |      Andy  Cannon      | From a Vision of Reality,        |
>>    |  andrewc@spider.co.uk  | And Still the Moon......         |
>                     ^^^^^^^^^
>One cheap shot deserves another....
>
>   Hey Andy, why don't you tell us about the Falkland Islands?
>

Argentina can have the buggers as far as I'm concerned. Anyway the Argies had
guns, its not our fault they could'nt use them.

Hardly the same anyway. The Falklands are British, Somalia and Vietnam
are definatly not American.

		 Andy

PS Not very bizarre I admit. Time to re-stock the kill file.
-- 
    |      Andy  Cannon      | From a Vision of Reality,        |
    | Misplaced Yorkshireman | Comes my Nemesis of Faith.       |
    |   Spider Systems Ltd   | But is Everything so Different ? |
    |  andrewc@spider.co.uk  | And Still the Moon......         |
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dsohl@spock.uucp (Daniel Sohl)
Subject: Re: no arms/ no legs etc.
Organization: Choate Rosemary Hall
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 18:52:01 GMT

In article <1992Dec9.180806@gruc19.nor.chevron.com> hjiwa@gruc19.nor.chevron.com (Elephant Man) writes:
>jrobert@lab3.smcm.edu (Jess Roberts) writes:
>|> The list as I know it, goes like this...
>|> 
>|> what do you call a guy with no arms/legs waterskiing?
>|> ---skip
>|> same guy after he wrecks?
>|> ---bob
>
>I heard that bob was the guy with no arms/legs swimming.

What do you call a person with no arms and no legs...

Hanging on a wall?
  -- Art
In front of a door?
  -- Matt
In a pile of leaves?
  -- Russell
In a  jeweller's shop?
  -- Ruby
In a florist's shop?
  -- Rose
In a swimming pool?
  -- Bob
In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean?
  -- Fucked
-- 
"Life is like a grapefruit."     *                       -- Dan Sohl
"Er, how so?"                    *****************************************
"Well, it's sort of orangy-yellow on the outside, pink and squidgy on the*
 inside. Oh, yeah, and some people have half a one for breakfast."       *
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dhamm@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu (Dave)
Subject: Melvin the Western Cowboy
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 00:38:41 GMT

(To the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)

Melvin the Western Cowboy had a very shiny gun,
and if you ever saw it you would even turn and run.

All of the other cowboys used to laugh and call him names,
they never let poor Melvin join in any poker games.

Then on foggy Saturday night the sheriff came to say...
Melvin with your gun so bright won't you shoot my wife tonight.

Then how the cowboys loved him as he shouted out with glee.
Melvin the western cowboy you'll go down in history!



Ha Ha pretty lame eh?  I can't believe you actually read the whole thing Jukes.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: xiaohan@euler.Berkeley.EDU (Xiaohan Yun)
Subject: Re: Test
Keywords: None
Organization: University of California at Berkeley
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 23:24:28 GMT

In article <1992Dec7.232807.15638@spock.UUCP> kurgan@spock.uucp (Andrew Twyman) writes:
>In article <1992Dec7.225159.15483@spock.UUCP> ramirez@spock.uucp (Andreas Orphanides) writes:
>>In article <1992Dec6.212621.12609@spock.UUCP> bane@spock.uucp (Cameron Huang) writes:
>>>In article <184434@pyramid.pyramid.com> vkhare@misdev.mis.pyramid.com (Vilas Khare) writes:
>>>>.this is a test message, please ignore.
>>>You are a dork, and your post's a bore.
>>Read alt.test for tests galore.
>I hope this cascade doesn't go on much more.
>-- 

But you know that you are telling a forklore.

Xiaohan
From: ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: [priest & nun]
Date: 11 Dec 92 15:52:32 GMT
Article-I.D.: nntp_ser.31058
Reply-To: you@ems.cdc.com
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of CDC

In article <1992Dec10.125413.29150@cs.brown.edu>, hm@cs.brown.edu (Harry Mamaysky) writes:
|> In article <30961@nntp_server.ems.cdc.com>, ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel) writes:
|> |> Harry, Get a life, you shit!  this is supposed to be rec-humor  not
|> |> pontificate your beliefs,  
|> 
|> You, H. Austin, are truly inspirational. Not only do you protect the
|> young innocent readers of rec.humor from my "pontifications", but you
|> also enlighten all of our minds with flowery eloquence like "Harry,
|> get a life, you shit." If only Shakespeare could have had the mastery
|> of this language with which you have obviously been blessed.
|> 
|> Truly, though, I am inspired. Thank you for putting me in my place.
|> "Pontificate" - wow, what a word!
|> 
|> Harry.

Well Harry, It looks like you just might be able to read, not necessarily
understand or care.