From: epowers@spock.NMSU.Edu (POWERS)
Subject: NEW SUBSPECIES OF FUNDIES DISCOVERED!!!
Organization: New Mexico State University
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 02:43:43 GMT

	DJ Howard's evolutionary biology lab at New Mexico State University, in  
collaboration with the departments of psychology and philosophy (they're the  
only ones who can get money for this sort of thing) has discovered --- new  
subspecies of *Funda fundamentalis*.  Neither Science nor Nature felt that  
publishing this study was appropriate for them, so I have decided to post the  
results here for comment.  For thems of you scientists out there, we used RAPD  
PCR and RFLP analyses to come up with genetic differences between the groups.  
Nei's genetic distance between these groups ranged from 0.25 to .832, but we  
are still working on what this really means.  This post is merely to notify all  
interested of the results.  This study was performed on fundamentalists in the  
United States only, and should not be considered official for other regions.

	*Funda fundamentalis extremis*  These Christians are characterized by  
seeing abortion in the U.S. as the fundamental issue the church should deal  
with.  Historical biologists will notice the similarities with the early  
prohibitionists and abolitionists in the U.S.  This subspecies is most often  
seen on news broadcasts. 

	*Funda fundamentalis C+E*  These Christians are so named because they  
are only known to be fundamentalists only at Christmas and Easter, the only  
times they show up at church.  

	*Funda fundamentalis frijoles*  These Christians, commonly called "bean  
Christians" in Mexico and "rice Christians" in Asia, are called so because they  
have taken on fundamentalism in order to take advantage of the generosity and  
naivity of certain missionaries.

	*Funda fundamentalis apatheticus*  These Christians do nothing in  
particular.

	*Funda fundamentalis culticus*  CORRECTION!  This group, commonly  
involved in such churches as Mormonism, Jehovah's Witnesses, Christian Science,  
and many others, should no longer be placed in with *Funda fundamentalis*.   
Nei's genetic distance between individuals involved in these groups and other  
fundamentalist subspecies to range from 6.8 to 14.76, revealing divergence so  
long ago it isn't even funny.

	*Funda fundamentalis intellectualis*  These Christians claim an  
intellectual basis for their faith.  They can be found in many universities.   
It is strongly suspected that GK Chesterton and CS Lewis belonged to this  
group.  These often start poorly, making fools of themselves in intellectual  
debate, but they learn the rules soon enough.  Another group,  
*pseudo-intellectualis*, never get the hang of it.  FAQs are written for these  
people, to no effect.
	
	*Funda fundamentalis culturalis*  These are people who claim to be  
Christians because their parents were Christians or because they live in the US  
or because they think Jesus was a great moral teacher or because they are  
pretty sure they are moral people.  None of these claim anything but the  
weakest form of "personal relationship" with Jesus Christ.

	The importance of the study is this:  Up to this point, many observers  
of *Funda fundamentalis* have noted seemingly contradictory behaviors and  
attitudes.  They have often mistakenly characterized one group as another.   
From now on, it will be important to accurately characterize the beliefs of an  
individual before making predictions in argumentation behavior.

					Erik Powers

Disclaimer:  All of my posts are entirely devoid of humor.  Maddi Hausman says  
so.