From: lf01+@andrew.cmu.edu (Liz Fox)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps
Subject: DOOL -- TAN, Thanks
Date: 6 Apr 92 15:46:56 GMT
Organization: Office of the Dean - CFA, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA


 
 
[Vix not Lix]
 
Well, it appears that I have quite a few thanks to dole out here.  I hope
I catch everyone.  Here goes:
 
First, I'd better thank Lix since I hear she was the mastermind behind this
scheme.  And Lix, in honor of your efforts, I hearby publically apologize
for calling the Celtics the Green Weenies and announce to the world that
they did indeed beat the Bulls on Sunday.  I wouldn't count on that happening
during the playoffs if I were you.  Thanks for arranging this attack
on my mailbox, but I don't think my mail person thanks you.  BTW, I still
haven't been able to eat my Michael Jordan fruit chews.  That's awfully
kinky.  
 
Bill, my net HONEY (you ask, I do), I'll thank you privately. ;)  Your Core
brother name is so appropriate.  And no Spud, you can grovel, beg and plead
but I will never share him with you.  My plans for him will keep him totally
and completely occupied.  Are you up for some "wild cuddling" (I still
can't believe I said that) sweetheart?  There's only one "Big Bill" for
me.  Where DID you find that card??
 
Sophie (Tater and her tot), the conversations in my office have been improved
one hundred percent since I hung your card.  It certainly keeps people 
wondering.  Should I tell Bill about it??
 
Di (Kiwickster -- heh, heh), thanks for the package down under.  I am looking
forward to wreaking havoc all over the west with you this summer.  We'll
get Spud, Bill, hopefully the Timinator, Nelson, Orange, and of course Papaya 
in trouble.  It'll be such fun.  Keep those letters coming and I'll keep
forwarding them.
 
Tammy (Peach Fuzz or is it Peach Pit), you have endangered my life.  Should
I tell my other sisses??  OK, I will.  Tammy arranged to get Drake to sign
a birthday card for me.  The ISA has nothing on you and Lix -- not that
that's saying much.  You guys could run this country with no trouble at
all.  Yes, sisses.  I'll put the card in the will.  Thanks kiddo.
 
Rose (Guava), you may be impoverished, but I'm not.  I have you for a net
sis.  Maybe we'll get together next time I visit my family in good old
Louisville.
 
Melissa, long time no hear from and it was great to hear from you.  The
card was hilarious.  You ought to let that side of you out more often.
Thanks.  It has been a long time for us together on the net, hasn't it??
Who knew we'd be here this long!
 
Beth, I was surprised to find you in the company of these nutcases.  On
second thought, no I wasn't!  Deep down, I think you are nutty as the
rest of us -- and it may not be all that deep down.  Thanks for the
card.  It was one of the few non-abusive ones that I got!
 
Tim (Cor-e-rection), the Grim Reaper??!!!  Was that really called for?  
I will tell you what I told a friend of mine when I turned 30 the year
before she did and she thought she got me good.  Think again.  You've
given me too much time to plan.  In her case, she got to pick up a
gigantic and tasteless funeral wreath on her birthday at the reception
desk and walk with it through the entire building to her office.  I'm
not a daughter of Emma Peel for nothing.  Lix and I have got yours planned
already.  Wait in fear!
 
Carla, I loved the additional editorial remarks.  Thanks for worrying about
what I'll post about when (please oh please -- making an offering to the
soap gods as we speak) that scum sucking monster leaves.  Hmmmmmm.  Melissa, 
what do you think?  Will I find ANYTHING to post about?? ;)
 
Gail, I loved all the CSUN stuff.  Small world ay?  But again, I think you
and Tim are meant for each other.  In fact, I'm sure, during one of your
sordid trysts, you plotted to harass me about my age.  I know you never would
have harrassed me if he hadn't egged you on! :)
 
Alice, what fun would it be if we always agreed (Icky is worthless though --
you knew I'd never give up on that one!) on everything?  Yep, I think we'll
have to resort to singing the praises of our guy Rob -- together!
 
Doreen (Juicy Papaya), I can't even thank you with a straight face.  That
card was too hilarious!  You are absolutely right!  It looks exactly
like a DOOL exec party.  It's Deidre entertaining all her "closest friends".
Al's on the floor because I punched him out.  He has inflicted cruel and
unusual punishment on the viewers for long enough!  You are too much!
 
Deb (little Orange Peel) and Meg (little Carrot Peel), you two were of one
mind this year.  I truly appreciate the inspired ways in which you killed
(in Deb's case) or attempted to kill (in Meg's case) that horrible Ick-
monster.  In fact, they are so wonderful that I copied them and sent them
off to Beth and Richard.  They will be shamed by such beautiful and poetic,
albeit violent, writing.  I am honored to have such literary talents in
my family.  We are humbled by your presence.
 
Coleen (Grape -- or is it Raisin -- I think I'll duck now), well I did get
stuck with that "frizzy-haired broad" (this is so funny) on my birthday,
but they took pity on me on Thursday.  For you, I wish the return of the
real Anjelica or Steve for Matt to play off of and many more scenes with
Mary Beth Evans.  Will that do?  I know it's what I'd like to see.
 
Spud Hannibal-(she eats french fries)the-Cannibal Lecter (Sally), oh just
great!  You want ME to SHARE Bill (sounds quite risque) with you and you
proceed to harrass me about my age.  Think again you puny little tuber!  
No way.  Uh uh.  He's mine.  All mine.  And after me, he won't want anyone 
else, so there.  Oh brother. ;)
 
Santina, do you see what kind of crowd you joined here??  Are you sure you 
know what you're doing?  They are a dangerous and wild bunch!  At least,
you were kind to me.  You can tell that they weren't.  You are wayyyy too
good to be lumped in with THEM!  Thanks for the card.  It was great to
hear from you!
 
Wanda (is it Lime -- a sure sign I have too many sisters!), thanks for
remembering my birthday oh AT&T comrade!  I hope you'll to post more 
often soon!  We miss you kiddo!  How's your dad?? 
 
Joanne, well the greatest thing about this year's birthday was hearing
from you.  It has been a loooooooong time.  Thanks so much for the mail.
I know you were busy, but I REALLY appreciated it.  Keep in touch, OK?
 
Nelson, oh bro-in-law-to-be of mine, thanks for remembering and for not
harassing me like that scumwad Tim, who uses my sisters and then tosses
them aside when he tires of them.  You are so devoted.  Not like that
gigolo.  You love only one.  He needs a scorecard to keep track.  Thank
goodness Di has sense.  Gail, Gail, Gail, please be warned.  Tim is not
worthy of your charms!
 
Susan (Half-Baked Apple), I saved you for second to last because you were
a great lead-in to that bad seed.  Soooooooooo, she told you to call me
Onion Breath, did she?  Thanks goodness you have a mind of your own and
you don't let that noxious cleaning supply, Lemon Pledge lead you astray.
You are clearly a woman who knows her own mind and is not swayed by
charlatans and weenies -- which leads me to
 
My dear, dear, dear sister Lemon Head (Joanna).  What a lovely card you
sent -- she said, her voice DRIPPING in sarcasm!  I know that this is all
a result of deep-seated jealousy of my relationship with Bill.  Either
that or the brain damage caused by those numerous rocketsled crashes.  Come
to think of it, those crashes are the only logical explanation for SledHead's
devotion to our irritating half-sister, the furniture wax.  Now folks, you
be the judge.  Isn't this the snottiest card you've ever seen??
 
Picture a poor soul sitting on the john:
 
As I was sitting on the toilet this morning I had a very unpleasant passage
of gas that seemed to linger and actually age, growing more and more rancid,
which in turn caused the expression "old fart" to run through my mind (open
card) -- Suddenly I remembered it's your birthday.
 
I ask you.  Isn't she the most obnoxious little sister anyone could ask
for??  Lemon, you are toooooo much! 
 
I hope I didn't forget anyone.  I really appreciated all the cards and mail.
You guys are the greatest!  The next time someone says people on the net 
aren't the nicest bunch, I am going to point you folks out.  Thanks!
 
Vickie  
 
 
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps