From: popiels@Colorado.EDU (POPIEL STEPHANIE LYN)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Abandonment *Spoiler*
Date: 15 Dec 92 06:28:27 GMT
Reply-To: popiels@Colorado.EDU (POPIEL STEPHANIE LYN)
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder

***** Minor Strong Words Spoiler *****











Shit shit shit - damn damn damn -

Wait - that's not a way to start - backup and start over -

Hello everyone, my name is Stephanie, and I have been reading asar for a couple of weeks now.  I was in the process of trying to get an anonymous posting thing - but Krikket`s post touched a nerve and I must write NOW!

First - Dad, if you are reading this (unlikely but possible) DO NOT mention that you saw it or that you read the newsgroups or ANYTHING like that - I am NOT ready to deal with you yet!!!

Anyway, back to Krikket.  I know EXACTLY how you feel.  There are only two people other than my therapist (who I am not seeing right now due to general busy-ness and end of school shit (finals etc.)) that I can talk to.

One knows that I am dealing with shit, but does not know what exactly the shit is.  She was at work today - and I do not know her work phone #, and since she works in a toy store and it is Christmas time, even if I could get ahold of her at work, I wouldn't want to jeopardize her job by keeping her tied up on the phone.  

The other knows almost the full story, but I am kind of scared to call her on the phone - talking to her in person is great - but I'm not real comfortable calling her - don't know why.

I CAN'T talk to my best friend about this yet - I have known her since we were in sixth grade, and she had a lot of family troubles when we were growing up.  Whenever her parents' had a big blowout she would come to my house because it was "safe" (HA!)  She even calls my dad her "second favorite dad in the whole world."  I cannot destroy her image of my "perfect" family (and that is what it appeared to be to the outside world) - at least not yet - I need to deal with me first before I deal with her.

The funny thing is - the recent "stress" or whatever you want to call it isn't even about my past exactly.  My immediate problem is that I've started to do poorly in school due to emotional stress shit.  It's not that I don't understand the information - I just can't seem to buckle down and study like I used to.  My attention span has gotten very short - every fifteen minutes or so I have to get up and walk around - not very condusive (sp?) to hard-core studying.  And since it is finals - I am starting to 



get stressed because I am running out of time.  The worst part is that even when I *DO* have time - I don't use it.  I have a paper to write, which I have barely started, but boy have I gotten a lot done on my cross-stitch recently (and watched TV and movies, and reading books, etc.).  WHY can't I do anything.

I was feeling stressed about this today - and NOBODY was home when I called them, not even the people I could complain about school to without mentioning the underlying shit.  When I did finally get a hold of someone (several hours later) it just wasn't the same - they really don't understand what I'm going thru.

(But you guys do - it has been very helpful reading asar the last few weeks - at least I know that there ARE people who understand).

I'm sorry I haven't written before - there were a lot of articles I would have liked to comment on and lend my support to those people - but I was too scared to write.  I just hope my dad doesn't see this.

Well - this has gotten long (why is it that when I first start writing I think I don't have much to say - but then I just keep writing and writing?)

Thanks for listening, I'm sure you guys will be hearing more from me - 

Stephanie (the Dragon)