From: julie@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: "Giving up" Marraige
Date: 30 Jul 92 09:20:22 GMT
Organization: Carnegie Mellon Computer Club

Tom Merkel writes:
> There are people in this world who didn't figure it
> all out before doing "straight" things.  There are
> many men and women who married, raised children,
> created complex lives with deep relationships before
> coming out,  first to themselves and others.

Understood.  I was one such person for while.  I didn't get married,
but I was engaged for several years.

> Should all of this be swept away?  Should a gay/bi
> father walk away from spouse and children,  send
> them a check once a month and live happily ever
> after in solidarity with their queer brothers and 
> sisters?  It seems most people, straight and not,
> seek to put the same limits on behaviors.  Why is
> the practical effect of queer and straight morality
> the same,  to cordon people into very little boxes.

Tom: You're misinterpreting me, or possibly I am not making myself
clear.  Either way:

I do not object to any relationship anyone here has with their wife or
husband.  I do not object to the fact that someone is in a committed,
long term monagamous relationship and I do not object to the fact that
some people here have children and I do not object to the fact that
some people have a great deal of love for their families and are
unwilling to give that up.  In fact I admire that.

However, what I do object to is that document which says (in effect)
"In the eyes of the law these people are a 'unit'" and I object
streneously to the fact that there are people willing to hold onto
that document REGARDLESS of the fact that there are those among us who
are unable to obtain it because we are seen as "unfit" to hold it. 

I never once suggested that married people should break up with their
spouses.  I merely suggest that they get rid of that legal
legitimization of it until we're all able to have it no matter who
(and how many of us) we're involved with.  If you truly love your
spouse and s/he truly loves you than that document is irrelevant to
you.

> Of course,  what do I know.  I'm just part of the
> system of opression and glowing dots on your screen,
> not a flesh and blood person.
> 
> --Tom

I'm not sure what you mean by this-- could you clarify?  It seems that
you're reading something into what I've said and I have no idea as to
what this is supposed to suggest.  I don't recall mention a "system of
oppression" or "glowing dots" so I am a little confused.

--Julie
                                                                                
--------------------------------------------------------------------            
 "Naturally the common people don't want war... but after all it is             
the leaders of a country who determine policy, and it is always a               
simple matter to drag the people along...  All you have to do is tell           
them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of            
patriotism and exposing the country to danger."                                 
                                                                                
                          -- Hermann Goering, 1936                              
Newsgroups: soc.bi