Newsgroups: misc.kids
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 14:43:57 -0500 
From: Judi Mancuso <jm5p+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: Potheads of the 70's Raising Kids
	<1j7c76INNcdh@elroy.jpl.nasa.gov>

>>>
>>>The one that I find amusing is past drug use.  Bill Clinton has nothing
>>>on the parents of today.  Many parents have "re-written history" on
>>>this subject - people who were serious dope smokers in the 70s will
>>>tell their kids that they never touched drugs.
>>
>>And that's too damn bad, as well.  If those same parents would be
>>open and honest with their kids and tell them some of the horror
>>stories and experiences they may have had while stoned or tripping
>>or whatever, or while watching others do same, their kids might not
>>be as eager to experiment.
>>
>>That is, of course, provided that the kids being told are of an age
>>where they can understand, and have a good relationship with their
>>parents bvased on honesty.
>>
>>In my experience, parents who try to make themselves seem all-knowing
>>and holy only harbor resentment in their kids.

I have thought about this quite often because my husband and I were real
big pot smokers from the age of about 18 until around 25. I quit right
before I conceived, he quit right after our son was born (8 years
ago)--and our quitting was not this big deal--in fact, if his job would
not be in jeporady because of it (mandatory unannounced drug tests)--we
would probably use it recreationally here and there (although I would
not have the slightest idea of where to get it now).  We experimented
with qualudes, hash and speed a few times but we did not have the money
or interest to continue.  Like some other posters, we did not have any
BAD experiences with the stuff.  Now, we are not advocating that we tell
our kids that "hey, we had a great time with it, try it" or "we loved it
but you should not do it" but I think there is a decent balance.  I
doubt that I would say "No, I never tried it".  One interesting point
here that my husband and I feel very uncomfortable with is *what* our
son is learning about smoking and alcohol.  We realize that drugs,
cigarettes and alcohol are hurtful and dangerous when they are being
abused--but to equate them all together is wrong. We drink socially--and
it is not uncommon for us to have a wine or beer in the evening--or even
have a bottle of wine with us while we watch TV or play games on the
weekend.  I was a smoker up until I conceived my daughter.  Some of the
most important people in our lives are smokers--they dearly love my
children and they are special, wonderful people and they smoke.  We
allow smoking in our home--although we do not encourage it--sometimes my
son's behavior while these people are smoking is terrible--"you are
taking drugs", "cigarettes will kill you", "you are killing me"--while
none of these are wrong (except the one about cigarettes being
drugs)--what messages is he hearing himself here?  That people he loves
and who love him will knowingly and recklessly kill themselves or kill
him?  And, if these people can use "drugs" then it is okay for him to do
drugs too?  Although he is not as verbal about alcohol, he does recite
similiar things when we or others are drinking in his presence.  I am
not really upset about the embarrassment he causes these people or
myself--afterall, we are the adults here.  But, I am deeply troubled by
the messages being sent to him.  I feel it is a little irrational to ban
drinking and smoking (although I do encourage people not to smoke around
the baby) around my son just so that we are not feeding into these
messages that he is hearing from school.  Now, I am by no means saying
that there is this constant stream of smoking going on--because this is
not the case at all--nor am I saying that drinking is abused in any way
in our home----but it does go on occasionally and many times people we
love dearly and people he loves dearly are doing it---enough said.
As for the marijuana issue--I am sure we will have to face it one of
these days.  I do not want to be dishonest or hypocritical-- so I will
probably handle it with a respect for what exactly he is asking and what
level of understanding he has at that time.  I have the same awful
feeling about discussing premarital sex with my kids---hey, I did it,
enjoyed it and can't really say that it ruined my life in any way---then
again, AIDS wasn't really an issue and I had  healthy relationships that
included sex.  I better not  leave the subject here--it can really tie
your stomach in knots just thinking about all the complex things we, as
parents, can and will deal with as we move along this journey of
parenthood.  That is why this board is so fabulous---we are all moving
along together.  Judi Mancuso