From: mmcalees@cs16.UVic.CA (Michael McAleese)
Subject: Sauramud's Advice Column for Young Wizardlings
Followup-To: rec.games.frp
Summary: Dear Sauramud...
Organization: The Forgotten Legions of... umm... uhh...
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 92 21:56:11 GMT

    As those of you who have read the Dingbat stories know, Sauramud is
a wizard of some repute who posesses a shrewd eye on the vagarities of
life as a wizard.  Sooner or later it happened, he was approached by the
"Wizard Weekly News" and asked to write an advice column.  Once the fees
had been discussed, he was more than willing to spread around his brand
of wisdom.  Following are a few excerpts from his column...

(N.B. See the end of the posting for where to send your own questions
to Sauramud!)

**************************************************************************
             Sauramud's Advice Column for Young Wizardlings
**************************************************************************

Dear Saruamud: I'm a beginning wizard and have just discovered that I'm 
not allowed to wear armour.  Who decides this sort of thing?  Isn't there
a vote or something?

Signed:

     Outraged Beginner


Dear Outraged: I'm afraid that the truth of the matter is that the gods
hate a wizard.  Why else do you think everybody in the party hates their
hardest working member; at low levels because he is exceptionally wimpy,
can't wear armour, can't wield a weapon and doesn't absorb enough damage to
do much good.  Just wait!  If you live to become one of the elite who can
reduce foes to sizzling strips of bacon with a wave and turn offensive
townees into newts then everybody hates you because they are afraid of you
- and you *still* can't absorb a lot of damage!  I can never figure out why
people with the highest IQs are always the ones stupid enough to take up
wizardry as a profession.  If I could do it again I would have listened to
my mother and become a butcher.

-------------

Dear Sauramud: I'm having a difficult time coming up with the gold to 
obtain spell components and my adventuring companions are loathe to part
with their extra treasure to help me out (the fighter keeps mumbling 
something about saving up for magic plate).  What can I do to convince 
them to be more helpful?

Signed:

     Component Needy


Dear Needy:  The next time a magic sword or shield comes into the party's
possession demand an equal chance for ownership along with the others.  If
they balk because you can't use a sword, insist that you have as much right
to any magic item as the next person does.  If you win possession of it,
make it generally known that you plan to sell it at the first town the
party comes to but you are open to reasonable offers from the other party
members.  It's amazing how loose the party purse strings can become when
there's the prospect of losing a Magic Sword of Elven Puree.  If this ploy
doesn't work then spike their rations with belladonna, pry the money out of
their cold dead fingers and buy yourself a new set of friends.  (Not!  I've
always wanted to say that!)

-------------

Dear Sauramud: Last week I was out dungeon-delving with a few good friends
when I had the misfortune to fall into a pit filled with water.  I climbed
out using the cleric as a sort of ladder, and he must have drowned while 
I was standing on his helm.  Here it is, nearly seven days later, and I'm
still being yelled at by the other party members.  They don't even seem to
care that the pages of my spell book are all crinkly now that they've 
dried.  What can I do to stop their endless whining?

Signed:

     Fed Up


Dear Fed Up:  Every cloud has a silver lining.  You have to learn to
accentuate the positive in situations like this.  Say things like "Well at
least we managed to salvage his armour and stuff" or "I'll bet you're glad
that he wasn't the one carrying the map".  If this doesn't break through
their pettiness then point out there's now one less way that the treasure
and experience have to be divided up - that one gets 'em every time!

-------------

Dear Sauramud: The age-old question, which is better for a first spell, 
sleep or magic missile?  I have a gold riding on this one.
Signed:

     Anxiously Awaiting


Dear A.A.: You lose - they're both lousy for a first spell!  Your best bet
is to pick up the shield spell, then learn to hide behind the fighter and
pray until you're fifth level.

****************************************************************************

   Well, there you have it.  Sage advice from someone who's *been* there
and back again.  Do you have questions for Sauramud?  Of course you do!  If
you're a beginning D&D-style wizard and have a question, send it to
mmcalees@csr.uvic.ca and maybe you'll make it into a future column.
-- 
*     mmcalees@cs14.UVic.CA (Michael McAleese) : I speak only for me...       *
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp