From: chrisb@seachg.uucp (Chris Blask)
Subject: Re: Is There A Mommy Track for Technical Professionals?
Reply-To: chrisb@seachg.UUCP (Chris Blask)
Organization: Sea Change Corporation, Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 93 18:43:54 GMT

>   Someone else wrote:
>>|> >But let's face it,
>>|> >you chose to have the younguns, so you are going to have to sacrifice
>>|> >SOMEWHERE....
>>|> >Obviously, these things should have been thought about BEFORE you
>>|> >had the younguns, but you now have to live with your mistake. 
ya'll need to join the 20th century (or at least the 19th)
>>It would be REALLY nice if we could all go back to the 50's ala Ward and
>>June Cleaver.
ppphhhttt!!!
>
>What so many of us forget is that in the 'Ward and June' days, dads
>didn't get to go to their kid's afternoon ball games, that Dad didn't
>get to come home for dinner every night--he was too busy working.  Dad
>didn't get to spend every weekend with his kids, because he was too
>busy playing golf with his boss.  I think there are a lot of fathers
>out there who prefer the current situation: one in which they're
>allowed, even expected, to be nuturing, positive role models--and
>parents, rather than strong silent breadwinners.
>
>While there are women who prefer to stay home with their children (and
>I hope all the parents who wish to do that have a financial
>situation that permits it), there are also women who _want_ to work,
>who have dreams and ambitions that are different from being a
>full-time-mother--and those women should also be allowed to do what
>they want.
>
>What bothered me the most about the post saying 'choose kids or work,
>but you can't have both', is that the post was directed towards
>_mothers_, not fathers.  It's widely accepted, somehow, that a sick
>child means MOM stays home from work--that it's her responsibility to
>pick up a sick child at school, to stay home with the child when the
>child is ill, etc. and so on.    As long as people continue to accept
>that idea as a basic premise, people are going to be shortchanged:
>moms, dads, and children.
>--Beth Weiss
>bweiss@cs.arizona.edu

I tried not to repost too much of this, but...

My one (and only) comment on this topic is the way *both* sides lean
towards the *mom is the real parent* philosophy.  In fact, despite my
optimism growing up in the sixties and seventies - that when *I* grow up
men and women will be equal (or close) - we seem barely better off.

All of the ads I see - "mom is sick, Dad's burning the food and destroying
the house" - "Mom!  You deserve a break..".  

Whatever happened to "While there are men who prefer to stay home with
their children..."?  I know one couple that did this, I know another man
who took his wife's name, I know many couples (ourselves) where the wife
did not take the husbands name.  Still, the almost unamimous consesus is
that "Mom is a parent, Dad is a kid."

I still haven't decided if maybe some of this stuff really *is* genetic,
maybe I *can't* be a good housekeeper and parent (unless I'm less-of-a-man),
maybe women *are* better parents...

I've always thought that men get shafted more severely by our society than
women (flame away),and in the last twenty years women have *definately*
made more progress than men.  The '90s man may be sensitive and caring,
but women still _really_ seem to want a 'strong' man - and all of our society
promotes that fathers are not parents.

-chris blask