From: ST402341@brownvm.brown.edu (Gary Byma)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Now is the time
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 19:33:16 EDT
Organization: Brown University - Providence, Rhode Island  USA
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In article <1992Oct13.191248.27918@exu.ericsson.se>, exukev@exu.ericsson.se
(Kevin Autrey) said:
>
>To all those people -
>
>  who are reading this group with the office/dorm/bedroom door closed
>  and one finger poised over the key which will blank the screen or
>  otherwise remove all evidence of this group from plain view -
>
>  who wake up every morning and perform a little Mental Inventory of
>  their sexual desires and fantasies and hate themselves for the fact
>  that The Feelings (of being gay) are still there -
>
>  who fear that if they were found out, they would lose every friend
>  they hold dear -
>
>  who have never ever uttered the unmentionable words "I'm gay" to
>  another living, breathing soul -
>
>  who have never ever uttered the unmentionable words "I'm gay" to
>  themselves, even though they know it to be so -
>
>  who are right there at the end of their mental road, unable to
>  imagine going on living a life that might entail being gay -
>
>Find SOMEONE to tell it to.  If it's the only way, write to someone
>gay on the net that you like/respect/identify with what they have to
>say.  There are a LOT of people in this group who are willing to talk
>to you - who will be willing to relate their coming out experience and
>amaze you in the fact that the same feelings you have now, they once
>had - who will tell you that it's NOT the end of the world because you
>might be gay - who will assure you that you're not evil and worthless
>because you might be gay - who will dispel your fears that you're
>being gay stands in the way of ANYTHING you want to accomplish in your
>life.
>
>Take the first step.  You owe it to yourself to do it - and we owe it
>to ourselves to be there when you do.  Take the first step.  It's a
>small first step, but every other step you will take in your life will
>pale in comparison.  Take the first step.
>
>Now is the time.
>
>Kevin
>
I second that! I spent the first 36 years of my life in the closet. Living
in fear that someone would find out or figure it out; that I was gay. During
all of that time, even though I realized I was gay, I didn't come one inch
closer towards self-acceptance. I hated myself for what I was, and I deeply
distrusted other gays and didn't want to know them.

When I finally did come out, it was out of necessity; I was in love (with
a straight friend) and I couldn't cope. It was only after I told another
person that I was gay, and began to confront my sexuality and realize
that other gays were just like I was, did I really begin to grow. Now, I
wish I had come out years sooner. That is my ONLY regret, that it took me
so long. I recognize that I am entitled to happiness, that I deserve it
as much as any straight person. Who are they to tell me who I can love?
Who left them in charge? I am beginning to feel anger and rage at the
straight world for keeping me down, for making me spend so much negative
energy cutting myself down. I resent the wasted years I spent hiding.

This is the most important reason to come out. Not to give the straight
world another sterling example of a well-adjusted queer. Not to augment
the numbers of 'out' queers. But for your own happiness and sanity. I
believe that only after telling someone else do you really begin to
accept yourself. All that role-model to others in queer-dom and activism
will come later, when you've done some healing.

And on the positive side. Apart from some reactions by some members of
my immediate family who were less than thrilled with the news, I have
yet to encounter any negative reactions to my coming out.

Gary Byma
Newsgroups: soc.motss