From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Thanks, thoughts & requests
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1992 19:29:50 GMT

anon-1241@twwells.com (Goldberry) writes:

>I got some warm feedback from cloister bell and Lydia.  Thank's,
>both of you, it means a LOT.  I was (and partly still am) quite
>uneasy about reappearing in asar - what if I am not welcome
>anymore (considered a traitor for being away so long or something
>like that)?  If anyone else feels (s)he is willing and able to
>give me a pat on the back (e-pat?)  or a welcoming e-hug, it
>really would help in dealing with my fears of rejection and
>abandonment.  Please?  (uh how I hate asking...)

i said it once, and i meant it.  so i'll say it again.  *welcome* back,
goldberry.  *hug* *hug* *hug*  it is *good* to see you again.

>Great!  The next thing I worry about is that now that I dare
>speak of my needs, I will be considered terribly and unforgivably
>selfish...  Argh! (anger rising - see my next article if you can
>handle direct and LOUD expressions of anger today - there is a
>spoiler warning in the beginning of it).  I just hate my parents
>for messing up my head like this!


>    From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
>    Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 04:49:35 GMT
>    
>    hey!  welcome back!  it's good to see you around again,
>    goldberry.  i'm so glad to hear that you're doing better now than
>    when you were last around here.  

>Thanks!  And sorry I forgot your name from my "oldies" list - I
>felt uneasy to post any names, as I knew I couldn't possibly
>remember everyone, but I hoped people would understand.

>... (looking at what I've written above) ... Why am I STILL so
>scared of offending anyone (or anyTHING, even if it *doesn't*
>move!)?  I guess this is an issue that is surfacing big time
>right now...  Blah.  While I worry about all these things, I also
>watch myself from sorta "outside" and I can quite clearly see how
>I'm "apologizing all over the place".  While a strong part of me
>feels that this is quite ridiculous, it's also like that's how I
>am *supposed* to be...  "Excuse me for that I exist" - that's how
>and who i *ought* to be!  Anyone else feel like this?

well, maybe this will help you relax about it.  you can't offend me.  only *i*
can choose to become offended by things around me.  if i get offended, it is
*my* doing, and *my* respoonsibility, not yours.  how i feel is up to me, so
you don't have to worry about how you might *make* me feel, because you can't
literally *cause* me feel anything.

>Also, I WANT to paint - but I have quite a few blockages to work
>through before I dare to do it, even in the privacy of my own
>home.  But all in good time.

you might try fingerpainting.  it's silly and messy enough that you don't
generally worry about whatever blockages you are going through.  it might help
you get a handle on whatever's preventing you from painting as you would like.

again, welcome back.  take care of yourself, now, ok?
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+