From: jose@csd.uwo.ca (Jose Thekkumthala)
Subject: --The Science of Acking:Part I--by Jose
Organization: Department of Computer Science, University of Western Ontario, London
Distribution: alt.culture.kerala
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 18:33:30 GMT

    
   +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
   +                                           +         
   +        The Science of Acking: Part I      +
   +                                           +         
   +                 by                        +
   +                                           +
   +                Jose                       + 
   +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
   
   Topics Covered
   ---------------------------------------------------
   Acking: A Science Discipline   -- Part I
   History of Kerala Civilization -- Part I
     A Poetry Contest among ackers       --- Part II
     A Famous Mallu                      --- Part II
     Books published by ackers/ackresses --- Part II
   --------------------------------------------------- 
   
   
         Acking: A Science Discipline
         ---------------------------- 
   
Hi Folks,

In an earlier communication, we briefly reviewed the "art of Acking"
and saw how it affects our day-to-day life. Since then, this discipline
has been booted out of the Arts faculty and had to take asylum in 
Science faculty. Hence the title "The Science of Acking".

Acking is fast emerging as a serious science and it is absorbing
everybody's attention. No less an institution than Mariamma (previously
known as Mariamma-Webster and earlier to that as Meriam-Webster
Dictionary) is struggling to keep pace with rapid transformations 
taking place in the ack theatre. We saw earlier how Mariammma introduced
new words like acker, ackress etc. to reflect the significance imposed
by us in the cosmological evolution. We also saw that we have to fall 
back on Mariamma and open her up to understand the famous writings of
some ackresses and ackers.

The real personality hidden behind the ack-writing is a complex topic
engaging the attention of famous personages like that of Mathai. A few
days ago, Mathai of Oklahoma (also known as Mathai of Ernakulam) made
note of the trend of impersonating that is rampant in ack. He made a 
serious allegation that many of we ackers are masquerading as 
pseudo-Quasi-Modos of Notre Dam. This hunchback tendency makes disguising 
a way of life; this tendency makes the old wine to be served in new bottle
and this very same tendency make the old acker blood to be served in 
a new bottle.

Well, well, well, well! Ever wondered how it will be like to have a 
real-life encounter with an acker some day in future? This is a highly
improbable situation; statisticians have computed this probability to 
be that of winning jackpot in a state-run lottery. Personally, I believe
that I will never meet Mathai, Sudha, Mareena, wonko the SANE etc. -- not
in this life anyway. This scenario heralds and perpetuates an insulating
property enjoyed by every acker and as rightly pointed out by Mathai. 

What are the ramifications of an acker encountering another acker, made 
possible by a streak of golden luck? I bet my bottom rupee that the skies
will fall down; lambs would turn out to be tigers and vice versa; kangaroo
would turn out to be polar-bear; lots of dreams would be shattered; lots of
expectations would be re-written!

If an acker meets another acker in a real-life drama at some point in 
future, I would like to invite him to write about it; to write about
how the latter fell short of his expectations.

The following is the view of the world seen through the eyes of an acker.


            History of Kerala Civilization
            ------------------------------
            
When Charles Darwin, father of Theory of Evolution died, the resident-God
in Heaven refused to let him in. God, in his infinite wisdom, had earlier
planned that Darwin become a creationist, but he disappointed the 
creator by becoming an evolutionist. This infuriated God and He transformed 
him into a frog instantly as soon as he arrived at the footsteps of Heaven.
He was asked to return to earth to pay penance for his sins.

The frog-Charles decided to spend his sabbatical at the Dept. of Anthropology
of the now-extinct Vayanad University. The chair-frog of the Dept. gave
him all the resources that he could muster to make his stay as pleasant as
possible. Charles' task was to convert himself into a creationist. The 
famous scientist succeeded partially in that task; he became a 
creationist-evolutionist! He could not become a total creationist; old
habits are hard to die! He added a flavor of evolutionism to creationism
and propounded a theory --still kept in the museum of Anthropology at the
Kerala University-- that involves the origin of Kerala. Hence our interest 
in his new theory of creation-evolution. 

Here is the salient points of the famous theory:

In the beginning there was nothing except void. Then God created Western
Ghats. This is the very first mountain range in the world. Not even the mighty 
Himalayas were there, leave alone the Alps and the Rockies. Western Ghats
became lonely in no time. God presented him with a playmate. Her name is
Arabian Sea. The Western Ghats acted sentinel to the Arabian sea that spanned
the entire world. God complimented himself for creating this pair of sublime
beauty. He had created them in his own image!

Heavens filled with the music of happiness that accompanied the union of the
mountain and sea. But this happiness was soon to be short-lived. They wanted 
to have a baby! And soon that wish was granted. God incarnated as ParasuRaman
and soon Kerala was born as a daughter to the Western Ghats and the Arabian Sea.
This union of Western Ghats, Arabian Sea and Kerala marks the beginning of 
civilization in the world. 

A number of events that accompanied the origin of Kerala are chronicled in 
frog-Charles' book. These are, in fact, reminiscent of the very rapid 
transformations that the primordial soup of matter and energy underwent 
just after the famous Big-Bang. Ask your friendly neighbourhood physicist
for details. 

ParasuRaman through his famous axe into the Arabian Sea and Kerala was born.
Malayalee was born in a matter of billionth of a second, riding through a
ladder of rapid metamorphosis that involved fish, turtle, boar and sphinx.
Malayalee comes next. Fish begot turtle who begot boar who begot sphinx who 
begot Malayalee. He is nothing but the fifth incarnation of MahaVishnu.
He was created in the image of God. The common ancestor of all Malayalees
is fish. This explains the affinity between fish and a Malayalee. Fish is the
first Malayalee that walked on the face of the earth, on second thought,
make it the first Malayalee that swam in the earth.

Every true-blooded acker is nothing but a fish masquerading as human being.
This explains why it is difficult to discern the true personality of an
acker through his writings.

This is the solemn story of the beginning of civilization in the world.

Even though this is a spiced version of the old theory of evolution, God
was happy that some recognition was given to him. He was pleased enough
to grant a penthouse in Heaven to the famous scientist when he was done
with his sabbatical at Vaynad University.


     ---------------- TO BE CONTINUED ---------------

     
+====================================================================
+ From My Ivory Tower in the Basement,  | Dept. of Computer Science +
+                                       |                           +
+         jose                          | Univ. of Western Ontario  +
+                                       | CANADA                    +
+ email: jose@csd.uwo.ca                |                           +
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