HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rybicki@uctvax.uct.ac.za
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: God (was: Agnostics and Athiests
Date: 14 Aug 92 16:14:53 +0200
Organization: University of Cape Town


WHY IS THIS IN REC.HUMOR??  IT ISN'T REMOTELY FUNNY, EXCEPT INASMUCH
AS RELIGION ITSELF CAN BE CONSIDERD FUNNY.  GIVE IT UP IN THIS FORUM, AT
LEAST!1!

In article <1992Aug12.190615.26115@linus.mitre.org>, m23364@mwunix (James Meritt) writes:
> In article <1992Aug12.170505.20237@cas.org> sdr57@cas.org () writes:
> }In article <1992Aug12.153055.20120@linus.mitre.org> m23364@mwunix (James Meritt) writes:
> }>}In article <1992Aug10.183411.13270@cas.org> sdr57@cas.org writes:
> }>}>}>  [King James and NIV versions of same verse deleted]
> }>}
> }>}Given that the King James Version was transcribed in 1611, while
> }>}my version (The New International) was transcribed in 1975... I
> }>}don't suppose you'd wish to concede that there may have been some
> }>}changes in English usage in the 364 years between versions?
> }>}Obviously, there is nothing left but to check it out in the
> }>}original.
> }>
> }>Given that there is a few thousand years since "the original",
> }>perhaps the entire thing is OBE.
> }>
> }>Must be nice to be able to refer to something unavailable and think it
> }>is authoratitave...
> }				     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> }>
> }From this statement, you seem to be saying that the King James version
> }is *not* a translation of earlier documents from which the NIV was
> }also prepared.
> }
> }Is it then your position that the NIV is a translation of the King James
> }or do you maintain that the King James version simply sprang up with
> }no precedents?
> 
> Neither, obviously.  Those "originals" that were suggested to going back
> to are not available.  There are copies of copies of copies of translations
> of claims of copies ....  and at no layer past the original transcript
> could you not raise exactly the same arguments as you did for the KJV with the
> same resolution.
> 
> 
> This may shock you, but I HAVE studied the mess.
> 
> 
-- 
 _________________________________________________________________________
|                                 |                                       |
|  Ed Rybicki                     |    Now you've got the hang of it      |
|  Dept Microbiology              | There's nothing you can't do with it  |
|  University of Cape Town        |         If you're very into it        |
|  PB Rondebosch 7700             |         You can't go wrong....        |
|  South Africa                   |                                       |
|  fax 27 21 650 4023             |              - Mad John               |
|  ed@micro.uct.ac.za             | (Ogden's Nut-Gone Flake, Small Faces) |
|_________________________________|_______________________________________|
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: blythes@cs.rpi.edu (Stephen Blythe)
Subject: Re: BUMPER STICKER
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 18:43:09 GMT

In article <1992Aug14.122903.589@ccsvax.sfasu.edu>, z_maraiajj@ccsvax.sfasu.edu writes:
|> SAVE GAS. FART IN A JAR.
|> 
|> SEEN IN DELAWARE

also seen in DE:

DelaWHERE ???

-steve

  ==================================================================
  Stephen A. Blythe                |    RPI
  Dept. of Computer Science        |  "where Hell has finally
  Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute |      thawed out ..."
  blythes@sirius.cs.rpi.edu        |
  ==================================================================

 My views do not necessarily reflect those of the bozos surrounding me.

				"NO MORE
			       BU__ SH__"
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: More acronyms
From: forda@gtephx.UUCP (Andrew Ford @ AGCS, Phoenix, Arizona)
Date: 12 Aug 92 21:54:20 GMT
Organization: gte

You've all heard of BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit system for those who
haven't), well I think we need one in the city of Phoenix and it should
be called PHART!
-- 
"25 States allow anyone to buy a gun, strap it on, and walk down the street with
no permit of any kind: some say it's crazy.  However, 4 out of 5 US murders are 
committed in the other half of the country: so who is crazy?"   -  Andrew Ford
gtephx!forda@enuucp.eas.asu.edu  OR  !uunet!samsung!romed!enuucp!gtephx!forda
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: b473dg@tamuts.tamu.edu (Dilawar Grewal)
Subject: The "education"party needs educating!
Organization: ~/lib/organization
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 14:13:45 GMT

Houston Chronicle, Tuesday, Aug. 18, 1992. Page 1

Bush's `steady hand' praised by Reagan
--------------------------------------

"We know George Bush," Reagan said. "he is trustworthy and level-headed
leader who is respected around the world. His is a steady hand on the tiller
through the choppy water's of the 90's, which is exactly what we need. 
We need George Bush."

--------------------------------------------

Hand on the tiller through choppy waters??????????????? NO WONDER THE 
REPUBLICANS ARE SINKING. Somebody tell them tillers are meant to be
used on land, not on water!!!!

ONLY RONNIE, ONLY RONNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

-d.
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish
From: usenet@inesc.pt (USENET News System)
Subject: Re: Dating Engineers
Keywords: List, 10 reasons
Reply-To: jota@iguana.UUCP (Joao Pedro Martins)
Organization: INESC - Inst. Eng. Sistemas e Computadores, LISBOA, PORTUGAL.
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 16:36:35 GMT

In article <1992Aug11.090155.19849@walter.cray.com> nelson@eastrg1.cray.com (Christine Nelson) writes:
>In article <1992Aug11.122630.12352@eagle.lerc.nasa.gov>, maven@lerc.nasa.gov (Larry Fishbach) writes:
>|> Does anyone have copy of list 10 reasons to date engineers?
>|> Please post or E-Mail to me. Thanks.
>
>Could you please send it to me also?
>
>Thank you, thank you, thank you...
>
>c 
>nelson@eastrg1.cray.com
>

... 2 me 2, pls.
From: dennis@irsaims.UUCP (Dennis Hank)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Computer Terminology for the Aged
Keywords: Computer Terminology
Date: 12 Aug 92 20:05:55 GMT
Organization: Insurance Rating Sys., Universal City TX


	Computer Terminology for those who remember the 'olden' days of
	the COmputer Industry.....  Part 1






******************************************************************************
{ "We do not change until  we have some |     Dennis Hank                    }
{ kind of awakening  to the  fact  that |     Universal City, TX             }
{ we are going to lose something we are |                                    }
{ not prepared to  live  without  if we |                                    }
{ do not change."    (anon)             |                                    }
******************************************************************************





	    COMPUTER SCIENCE TERMS FOR THE AGED


	ARITHMETIC SHIFT	Preferred apparel of female mathematicians.

	ACCESS TIME		The time between the instant at which informat-
				ion is called for and the instant at which
				management expects the final report.

	ADDER			A member of the species which caused the demise
				of Cleopatra.

	ASSUMED DECIMAL POINT	Located two positions to the right of a 
				programmer's current salary in estimating
				his own worth.

	BLOCK DIAGRAM		Schematic gibberish.
	
	BIT			The increment by which programmers slowly go
				mad.

	BRANCH INSTRUCTION	Advice from the district office.

	CHAINING		A method of attaching programmers to desks to
				speed up output.

	CHARACTER SPECIAL	A character which is out of the ordinary,
				different, a resident of Greenwich Village.

	CHECKPOINT		The location from which a programmer draws
				his salary.

	COMMON LANGUAGE		The first thing a programmer must forget to
				be successful.

	CONSTANT		A type of pressure.

	CONSTANT AREA		The stomach.


	CORE STORAGE		A receptacle for the center of apples.

	COUNTER			a device over which martinis are served.

	DEBUGGING		Removing the needles from the haystack.

	ERROR			What someone else has made when they disagree
				with your computer output.

	EXTERNAL STORAGE	Wastebasket.

	FIXED WORD LENGTH  	Four letter words used by programmers in a
				state of confusion.

	FLOATING CONTROL	A characteristic exhibited when you have to go
				to the restroom but can't leave the computer.

	FLOATING POINT		The absolute limit before floating control is
				lost.

	FLOW CHART		A graphic representation of the fastest route
				to the restroom.	

	GARBAGE			Highly Aromatic Computer Output



	To Be Continued when I get time...
Organization: City University of New York/ University Computer Center
Date: Thursday, 13 Aug 1992 12:45:51 EDT
From: <MDSQC@CUNYVM.BITNET>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED: answering-machine messages...

Again, same here. Please send it to me, since I'm going on vacation.
But, just post it, so we don't have to flood the net with OOMT requests.
Thanx.

-- Sal "The Sunny Beaches of Cape Cod" Desiano
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
From: osan@cbnewsb.cb.att.com (Mr. X)
Subject: Re: Guns don't kill ...
Organization: Twilight Zone
Distribution: usa
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 18:58:17 GMT

In article <1992Aug17.164231.2209@njitgw.njit.edu> lxf8351@hertz.njit.edu (lawrence finkel cis stnt) writes:
>
>OBJ
>	Hillary Clinton has announced that if Bill is elected, she will
>give up her law practice.
>	To me, one less lawyer, is good enough reason to vote for Bill.

	But I may be taking her place since I am seriously considering law
	school.  I look at my becoming a lawyer as my chance to become a
	real nasty thorn in the side of the Guv.  Gee, does my contempt for
	those who abuse power show clearly enough??

	-Andy V.

	PS, any of you have any opinions on someone starting law school at 34?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: chuck@spectrum.cs.unsw.oz.au (Mark Andrew Hawling)
Subject: Re: BaNd NaMeS
Reply-To: chuck@spectrum.cs.unsw.oz.au (Mark Andrew Hawling)
Organization: none
Distribution: usa
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 07:13:05 GMT

In article <1992Jul31.020038.16590@afit.af.mil> tbreeden@afit.af.mil (Thomas A. Breeden) writes:
>If I had to do it all again, I'd give up "geekdom" to be
>a rock and roll star.  (Never mind the fact that I have
>no talent).  The name of my band?
>
>   The Screaming Sphincters!

My friend was suggesting band names and wanted us to call ourselves

Gnawing Gristle of the Shinbone

or

Satan's Penis

We ended up choosing "Stegasourous Trout". Problem was none of us could spell it right.

Mark
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ruthc@sco.COM (no user serviceable parts inside)
Subject: Re: Limericks
Organization: The Santa Cruz Operation, Inc.
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 23:02:36 GMT


In article <2821228@bailey.UUCP> ben@bailey.UUCP (Ben Bailey) writes:
>There was an old lady from New Zealand
>Who didn't have any feelin'
>So she laid on her back
>And played with her crack
>And pissed all over the ceilin'.

my fave is an Isaac Azimov limerick:


A woman from South Carolina
Strung fiddle strings 'cross her vagina
   with proper sized cocks
   what was sex became Bach's
Tocata and Fugue in D Minor!

-r
-- 
Pistol shots / Gun shots / Pistol shots / Gun shots / Bullets from a revolver /
Bullets from a gun / Bullets through the atmosphere / here they come. / John,
I've been bad and they're / coming after me, / done someone wrong and I fear /
that it was me / Sapphire bullets / Bullets of pure love. -They Might Be Giants-
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: alpha@hubcap.clemson.edu (Shekhar Borde')
Subject: Re: CFD for misc.me.too
Organization: Clemson University
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 19:10:49 GMT

SDENARO@vm.poly.edu writes:

>In article <rdippold.714262400@cancun>
>rdippold@cancun.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold) writes:
> 
>>
>>nelson@eastrg1.cray.com (Christine Nelson) writes:
>>>In article <14069@auspex-gw.auspex.com>, johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:
>>>|> This is a CFD for the creation of a newgroup called misc.me.too.
>>>|> The group will be moderated as discussion is not allowed.  Only articles
>>>|> which contain the words "me too" or "add me to the list" will be allowed.
>>>|> Votes will only be accepted on the net (not via email).  The group will
>>>|> automatically be crossposted to talk.bizarre, comp.unix.wizards, and
>>>   ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>>|> alt.music.rush as it annoys the hell of those folks when non-topical articles
>>>|> are crossposted.
>>
>>>very mature...veerrrryy mature.
>>
>>Yeah, keep that stuff out of a legitimate group like talk.bizarre!
>>--
> 
>Yeah, Me too.
> 
>--
>SAL DENARO      "Live Fast, Die Young, Hack 'C'"
>sdenaro@polyvm.poly.edu    sdenaro@polyvm.bitnet


Oh Yeah!  Well ..... Um .....Unngh ....


Shit! You are lucky I forgot what it was I wanted to say ...




Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: crs@crs.cl.msu.edu (Charles Severance)
Subject: A usefull Shell script for work
Organization: Michigan State University
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 92 16:47:29 GMT

Last night I had to 1) work all night and 2) go try to get Garth Brooks 
tickets at 05:30 AM.  At about 4AM, I finished work but didn't want to go 
home because the by the time I drove home and back I would not have any time 
to sleep.  (My job is 1/2 mile from where the tickets went on sale)

I had 1.5 hours to take a nap but no alarm clock.  So I wrote the following 
shell script: (feel free to use it - I am putting it into the Public
Domain).

#! /bin/csh
echo have a nice nap
sleep 5400
while(1)
  echo Wake up Chuck
  echo 
  sleep 1
end

It worked great - I got beeped at the right time - I was still too late to 
get the TIX tho.

Note - I know I could have done this much better with at, cron, awk, 
sed, perl, or even C - and I should have made the number of 
seconds a parameter.  However at 4AM - I wanted something simple 
and reliable.
From: gt7059b@prism.gatech.EDU (Joe Joyce)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Help:  Deep Thoughts
Keywords: Help Deep Thoughts
Date: 16 Aug 92 05:12:25 GMT
Organization: Georgia Institute of Technology

I need to know the FTP site where I can find the "Jack Handy Deep Thoughts"
collection.  I know I heard about it once before, but at that time I didn't
need it, and now I do.

Thanks,

Joe

-- 
JOYCE,JOSEPH VICTOR
Georgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332
uucp:	  ...!{decvax,hplabs,ncar,purdue,rutgers}!gatech!prism!gt7059b
Internet: gt7059b@prism.gatech.edu
From: gvg@hplvec.LVLD.HP.COM (Greg Goebel)
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 14:44:13 GMT
Subject: Re: REquest for customer support humor
Organization: Hewlett-Packard Co., Loveland, CO
Newsgroups: rec.humor



                    SUPPORT IS HELL: The Torture Never Stops

  "Oh, yes, we're working on that right now, sir!"  (You're $%#* of of luck,
   buddy!)

                           "Support is hell, Jeff.  I don't know what to do."
                           "Try some M&Ms."

                     Chapter 2:  The 9 Types of Supporters

1: THE NEW KID:

   "Do you have a dog? ... My name?  I'll have to get back to you on that."

   ADVANTAGE:    Can be used as backup often.
   DISADVANTAGE: Is incapable of remembering anything even if told four or
                 five times.

2: EAGER BEAVER:

   "Sure, I can write an emulation program by this afternoon ... one of those
    new boxes?  I'd sure like to get my fingers into one.  I think I know
    where there's one just down the hall ... "

   ADVANTAGE:    Works hard.
   DISADVANTAGE: Makes a lot of work for everyone else.

3: THE KNOW-IT-ALL:

   "Well, I could tell you how to do that ... but I think I could recommend
    a better approach ... "

   ADVANTAGE:    Closes lots of calls.
   DISADVANTAGE: If he doesn't know the answer he makes one up.

4: THE PSYCHO:

   "READ MY LIPS, YOU BOZO!  Are you STUPID or something?!  YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

   ADVANTAGE:     Scares customers away.
   DISADVANTAGE:  His hobby is collecting guns and you can't sleep at night.

5: THE ASPIRING HACKER:

    RING taptaptaptap RING RING taptaptaptap RING RING RING taptaptaptap
    RING RING RING RING "Will someone get the phone?" taptaptaptap

    ADVANTAGE:    Answers questions about OS schedulers and internals of
                  IO drivers.
    DISADVANTAGE: Works on everything but what he's supposed to do.

6: THE COUNSELOR:

   "Oh my.  Oh dear.  Uh huh ... yes ... and then what happened? ... yes,
    I have plenty of time ... oh, no, no problem, that's my job ... "

   ADVANTAGE:      Soothes angry customers.
   DISADVANTAGE:   Capable of instant jekyll-&-hyde transformation into psycho.

7: THE INTIMIDATOR:

   "Why did you do THAT?!  Haven't you had any TRAINING?!  Don't you know
    Section 5.1.2.1.1 of the IEEE spec?!"

   ADVANTAGE:     Customers don't return call.
   DISADVANTAGE:  May become your boss.

8: THE VET:

   "Oh!  That's there for backward compatibility.  They added it in rev 
    2.00.03 but they didn't document it."

   ADVANTAGE:     Solves the most obscure problems casually.
   DISADVANTAGE:  Prone to long, tedious, rambling flashbacks.

9: THE CRISPY CRITTER:

   "I don't know.  I don't care.  Your problem, that says it all, I have
    my own to take care of.  Why are you using this product, anyway?"

   ADVANTAGE:     He's still working.
   DISADVANTAGE:  He's yourself three years from now.

[<>] anon
From: kenneth@ducvax.auburn.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Our wonderful Congress on the job
Date: 23 Aug 92 03:09:59 GMT

This is from memory, so the details may not be correct, but the jist of it
is.

A few years ago, I was watching PBS (I think it was) and there was a
politcal satirist on (Mark Russell I think is his name but I may be way off).
He was talking about the war on pornography and the Congress.  He said that
on thing they were going to do was to remove funding for the Library of 
Congress for having Braille editions of Playboy and Penthouse.  This was
pretty funny.  He goes, "What to do about pornography in this country?
TAKE IT AWAY FROM BLIND PEOPLE! What a great idea!"  More evidence of our
wonderful legislators workiing to protect us.  He went on to point out that
these are the ONLY people who actually _read the articles_.

Ken
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: 11srust@gallua.gallaudet.edu (Scott A. Rust)
Subject: Re: Funny?
Summary: Yet another whiner..........
Keywords: bitching, complaining, pissing and moaning
Reply-To: Nobody
Organization: Gallaudet University English Dept
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 22:59:04 GMT

In article <1992Aug13.211538.27003@news.acns.nwu.edu>, aaronson@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (David Aaronson) writes:
> Warning the surgeon general has determined that the following subjects
> are no longer funny, and have been determined to cause severe boredom in
> laboratory rats:     [SO STOP POSTING THEM HERE!!!!!!!!]
> 



[INCREDIBLE AMOUNTS OF BITCHING, PISSING AND MOANING DELETED]



> 
> So there!   That's my 2c and I'm sure some other people's too.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sticks and stones may break my bones, but they cant be e-mailed so HA!
> 
> -- 
> /^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\
> | David Aaronson   aaronson@casbah.acns.nwu.edu   Northwestern University  |
> | 630 Lincoln St.  aaronson@aristotle.ils.nwu.edu Evanston, Illinois 60201 |
> | -------------------------------------------------------------------------|
-- 

	Well, there's 2 things you can do:

		1. make a kill file. really quite simple, and if you're too
simple to know how, i imagine you could type "help" at your news prompt
and get the info.
		2. make your way over to rec.bitching.about.others.posts and
leave us alone.

			;-)
____________________

*****************************************************************************
* Scott A. Rust       *11srust@gallua.gallaudet.edu *  "A stupid person     *   
* Gallaudet University *****************************     can do anything    *
* English Department   *This .sig has been shown to *     except think"     *
* Kendall Green        * cause cancer in laboratory *      -Bob Dobbs, Jr.  *
* Washington DC 20002  * rats. Use only as directed.*                       * 
***************************************************************************** 
                 "Why? Why, because I laugh."
                                             - Sherwood Anderson
From: MDSQC@CUNYVM.BITNET
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Presidential Gaffers
Date: 13 Aug 92 17:40:45 GMT
Organization: City University of New York/ University Computer Center

>>          Bush has shown again and again that he
>>thinks he's above the law.
>             ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
>If Bush had said "I want to kill people with my own hands and not be put
>on trial", well, THAT'S thinking you're above the law.

No,  if Bush (as Commander in Chief) had said to the Coast Guard, "Go
out there and capture private boats in international waters and sink them.
Kidnap the people onboard, take them to Haiti and dump them there."  It
would have been thinking he was above the law.  If you or I were to do
that, it would have rightly been considered piracy.

If he then told them it was for their own good, that would have been
adding insult to injury.

Of course, he would never do anything like that, would he?
>
RJL

Actually, the government (I think the executive, ie the president) does
have the right to make piracy legal. In fact, I think the president can
appoint (funny use of the word) pirates. Not sure, though. Don't
flame me, you'll only get burned. Besides, I'm leaving (any minute now).

-- Sal "Saviour of Breakfast" Desiano

O.K., enough of this foolish seriousness!
Xref: sparky rec.humor:26085 sci.skeptic:14337
From: rybicki@uctvax.uct.ac.za
Newsgroups: rec.humor,sci.skeptic
Subject: Re: Agnostics and Atheists: god REPLIES again..
Date: 14 Aug 92 16:18:50 +0200
Organization: University of Cape Town

In article <906ePB1w165w@comtch.spk.wa.us>, mhughes@comtch.spk.wa.us (Mark Hughes) writes:
> rybicki@uctvax.uct.ac.za writes:
>> I HAVE HAD OCCASION TO REMONSTRATE WITH SOMEONE BEFORE CONCERNING THESE TOPIC
>> THIS SOMEONE IS NO LONGER.
>> I REITERATE: I DO NOT CARE IF ANYONE BELIEVES IN me OR NOT.  I LIKE WHAT I LI
>> AND THAT IS THE BEGINNING
>> AND THE END
>> OF THE MATTER.
>> KINDLY DESIST FROM THESE IDLE VAPOURINGS.
>> god
> 
>   Wow, I wasn't aware that god was on the Internet.  What's his address?  
> god@heaven.vatican.it?  :-)
>  
>   I was also not aware that he had a C-64...
>  
>  - Mark Hughes #1101                          mhughes@comtch.spk.wa.us

GOD IS EVERYWHERE, DICKHEAD  -  AND SHE CARES NOT WHAT YOU THINK SHE HAS.

AS FOR WHAT IS HER ADDRESS:

TYPE "reply", ENTER A MESSAGE, AND LEAVE OFF THE ADDRESS.  IT WILL REACH ME.

OF COURSE, THEN i WILL REACH YOU.... 

as communicated to:
 _________________________________________________________________________
|                                 |                                       |
|  Ed Rybicki                     |    Now you've got the hang of it      |
|  Dept Microbiology              | There's nothing you can't do with it  |
|  University of Cape Town        |         If you're very into it        |
|  PB Rondebosch 7700             |         You can't go wrong....        |
|  South Africa                   |                                       |
|  fax 27 21 650 4023             |              - Mad John               |
|  ed@micro.uct.ac.za             | (Ogden's Nut-Gone Flake, Small Faces) |
|_________________________________|_______________________________________|