From: george@webb.psych.ufl.edu (Stephanie George)
Newsgroups: alt.sewing
Subject: Fabriholics: my story
Date: 6 Oct 92 16:19:06 GMT
Organization: Univ. of Florida, Psychology Dept.


Well, I went into Wal-Mart Saturday to buy ONE SPOOL OF BROWN THREAD.  When 
suddenly, these three *HUGE* bolts of simply divine velveteen tackled me,
snatched my purse and held my checkbook to my head and held me captive.
I was overwhelmed; none of my defense training had ever prepared me for a
real-world situation like this.  I struggled; I tried grabbing for the 
clearance table hoping a real bargain might release me from this terror.  
I was sinking, sinking - and the 100% cotton made it only too easy to fall
apart completely.  I was done for.

Then the Sapphire bolt whispered seductively in my ear, "I'm an elegant pair
of slacks!  I'll go everywhere - you'll come back to me again and again." 

Not to be outdone, the Ruby bolt said caressingly, "I'm a jacket as you've 
never seen before, with gold buttons and trim.  Lined, too.  I'll wrap 
myself around you and you'll never escape from my soft spell."

The Emerald bolt had learned to weave the same spells as his brothers, but
I had some defense against him as I had just learned from soft experience
about his cousin and had the evidence of 6 yards of rich Forest velvet
among my trophies of the $3/yard sale a few weeks before.  

"I'm an entire suit" he said, "you can wear me when the velvet would be
too much.  And you know how lovely you look in rich, soft, luxurious green."
He drew my hand to him and kissed it softly, and holding it as he did, I
could feel the tenderness of his touch, his hand.  He draped himself over
me and I felt warm where he touched me.

"No!" I cried.  "I can live without you!  I don't need you now that I have
_real_ green velvet!"

The Emerald bolt reeled long enough for me to make my escape to the other
side of the display to the "seconds" velveteen - they had no bolts and they
slouched in their places.  The royal purple was a lovely hue, but he lacked
the finesse of the bolts on the other side; underneath he was rough and 
cheap.  Perhaps standing alone he would be attractive, even charming, but in 
the company of the others, he only appeared to be the poor step-child of the
family. 

The three jewel-toned bolts lured me back, calling me sweetly "Don't bother
with him, he only looks pretty, but he's got no substance.  His pile lacks
depth; he's in league with the Synthetic Sisters, Poly and Ester!  His grain
doesn't lie straight." 

"But my checkbook balanced last month!" 

"Yesterday was payday and you paid off your Visa bill last month," they chimed.

"Brown thread and a zipper, that's all I need.  I'll be right back," I said
as I dashed off towards the notions.  I knew that that would only put them 
off momentarily, there was no way that I could get out of the fabric section
without passing their aisle again.  I had to think of something, and quickly.
I tried striking up a new conversation with the velvets and taffetas, but they
were wrapped up with themselves.  I wandered up and down each row lingering
by the bargain bins hoping the velveteens would loose interest and think that
I had only been pulling their strings, playing with them.  

But my cart gave me away.  I had to go past them because no other aisle was
wide enough to let me pass.  The trio loomed in front of me with the Emerald
hanging back just a bit, wounded by my earlier attack.  The Ruby and Sapphire
advanced, and I noted how well they worked together, a practiced team.

I was breaking down, "I certainly couldn't afford more than one.  Only one!"

"Slacks and an English riding jacket!" whispered one.

"The holidays are coming and you're going out of town - you want to look
sharp don't you?" murmured the other.

"I can buy nice blue pants anywhere!  Land's End has nice corduroy and I
know that they fit!"

The Ruby saw his opening and moved in smoothly for the coup de grace:  "I'll 
go splendidly with the red roses print on green that you have washed and on
the shelf.  A vest and slacks and a couple of scrunchies and I'll 
embrace you from head to heel.  Redheads _do_ look fine in warm, rich Rubies."

"But how could I get you past my husband?  He thinks I need more fabric like
I need new shoes.  He'll see you and start to ask questions.  I can't; I
simply can't!"  I had used my last defense and the Ruby knew it.  He could
tell that I had succumbed at last - I needn't struggle any longer.

As the Ruby velveteen fell into my arms so that I could carry him to the 
cutting table he reassured me, "It's your birthday this week, tell him that 
I'm your birthday present to yourself."

Though the Ruby thought that our struggle was through, I still had one more
card to play.  "Three yards," I said firmly to the clerk.

"Oh, this is beautiful and it goes with your complexion so well.  What will
it be?" she gushed.

I hadn't expected this - the Ruby bolt had gotten her into the act as well!
"I'm not quite sure yet.  Better make it four yards.  Have to take into
account nap yardages for this, I suppose."

"Will there be anything else?" she said sweetly as she was folding the Ruby
up and writing his ticket.

"No, thank you.  I've got to get back soon or my husband will worry," I said
wearily.

The struggle had been intense.  The Ruby is now sitting on the sewing table
conspiring with the pattern box and the red-roses-print.  It will only
be a matter of time, I suppose, before the scene repeats itself for me.  I
seem destined to repeat this again.  What will it be next time?  Linen?
Sandwashed rayon or silk?  Wool suitings?  Cotton Oxfords?  

I plead with you, my sewing sisters and brothers, learn from my example!  Stay
in the calico sections!  Beware the pre-holiday sales!  Buy ready-to-wear!

Stephanie
-- 
Stephanie George        DoD #218         Box 100356, Shands Teaching Hospital 
george@net.health.ufl.edu                University of Florida
(904) 395-0410                           Gainesville, FL  32610