From: lchen@ponder.csci.unt.edu (Lee Li-Jen Chen)
Subject: Re: Advice, consensus sought
Organization: University of North Texas, Denton
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 06:56:00 GMT


In article <1992Sep3.234957.9243@bsu-ucs.uucp> 01ksdavis@bsu-ucs.uucp writes:
> ...
>	Herein lies my problem:
>
>		I had a really bad break-up with my last serious girlfriend who
>happened to be two years younger than I.  She dumped me for a brain-dead foot-
>ball player.
>
>	Time passed, and here, two years later, on the same campus, in the same
>chemistry class, is my ex-girlfriend.
>
>	Over the summer I had read in the paper how she got an all-expense paid
>scholarship to another university, but here she is.  We talked a little bit
>(another one of my friends was present, who is of the talkative type).
>	During the time of our "talk" she had told me that she had went to my
>old dorm for my phone number (it just happens to be the current dorm I am
>in now.)   Once she obtained this, she said she called but I was never there.
>This checks out as my answering machine went on the fritz that night.
>	Also, after our talk she gave me her phone number.  I haven't called her
>yet, but I did sit next to her in class today.
>	What should I do?  Part of me wants to run away, as she has hurt me
>(emotionally) really bad before.  Yet, another part of me wants things as they
>were before I am not sure if I got this last part here worded right.
>
>	BTW-I didn't do much today during chemistry class. . .  Much note-taking
>or much of anything. . .  
[stuffs deleted...]
>
>		Living in confusion,
>
>			Kyle

Hello Kyle,

I truly empathize with your situation with your ex-girlfriend.
It seems that you do still care for her, but you still can't
get over your break-up. May be you feel felt you had been
betrayed by her and her act was unforgivable. However, now
it's seems that she has come back into your life. It must be
very difficult to face her again after what you went through. Your
heart had been broken by an intimate someone whom you trust,
love, and care for.

The question is: can you forgive the unforgivable?

From your description she seems to be asking for your forgiveness
(e.g. looking for you at your old dorm and trying to call you.)
May be the above inference could be wrong, all she want to
do is to alleviate her own guilt toward you; or it may be right.
You will never have the chance to find out the answer if you
simply try to avoid her.

I personally feel that you should try to forgive her. I know it's
very difficult to do so. But it's better to forgive than to regret
about the possibility of the "second chance" for the rest of your life.
Once you can forgive her past, you can free yourself from the
past injury too. However the first step of toward the healing process
of your emotional wound is very difficult. You would need a lot
of courage in order to be able to forgive. And I think you have
that within you.

I wish you the best of lucks, and hope
every thing works out fine for you!



P.S.
There is a pretty good article in the September/October 1992 issue
of Psychology Today which deals with forgiving. It is titled:
"Forgiving the unforgivable: War Crimes of the Heart."


Lee 1992 09 04

_____________________________________________________

Lee Chen  

email: lchen@ponder.csci.unt.edu
____________________________________________________

Newsgroups: alt.romance