From: evc@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Edward Van Cura)
Newsgroups: alt.pagan
Subject: Odin, a Swedish Pastry Chef?
Date: 1 Oct 92 04:53:56 GMT

Greetings to All and to Fred and Wilma!

I just found this on alt.ripley.believe.it.or.not, so it must be true :-)
Ek oja sisi ht.               Can it be?...Thorfinn  8)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Newsgroup: alt.ripley.believe.it.or.not
Subject: Odin, a Swedish Pastry Chef?
Organization: The Swedish True Enquirer

27-Sept-92
(GEUTER NEWS SERVICE) Archaeologists working at a dig near Figtuna, Sweden,
today discovered an important book inside a mead container. The book, called
*Kakamal*, which is a 5th century CE Swedish cake recipe book, was authored
by Oden Burssen, a famous contemporary Swedish pastry chef. The dig-site
was a 5th century CE combination mead hall/bakery. The *Kakamal* translation
raised questions concerning the Germanic God *Wodhanaz. Apparently Oden's
mead hall/bakery was famous throughout northern Europe, and somehow the
legends were mythologized. 

According to the *Kakamal*, Oden was a very stout man, so stout in fact, 
that it took two horses to carry him whenever he traveled. The horses were 
strapped together side-by-side and were called Strapnir. Whenever he would 
travel to a battlefield looking for business, he would throw a long baking 
spatula into the air before the battle would begin. Attached to the spatula 
was a long thin banner containing some sort of runic advertisement such as 
"Valhalla After the Battle" or "This Odhroerir's for You". 

After a hard day at the battlefield, he would pack them into his
mead hall/bakery called Valhalla. Frequent brawls would take place inside
the hall at night. One such brawl had the proprietor, Oden, taking on 
3 drunk Frisians on top of a mead vat called Hvergelmir. One of the 
brawlers somehow gouged out one of Oden's eyes, and it plopped into the vat.
They never found it. The eye rotted and had an effect on any 
imbiber of the Hvergelmir vat contents, such that s/he could remember the 
previous evening of drinking and belching. Some called this wisdom. 
Others just farted.

It was said that Oden's place was only open for 9 consecutive nights at a 
time, after which the hall was closed for repairs from the constant brawling,
only to reopen in nine nights. He had a device to measure the nine nights, 
which consisted of wheels, pulleys, and water diverted from a nearby stream.
After each night, the stream would fill a bronze bucket which would fall nine 
feet onto one of the customers killing hir instantly, and hence it was called 
dropnir. The time-keeping device was started/stopped by a pull-ring from 
the ceiling behind the salad bar. Sometimes when the brawlers were having 
an extra good time, Oden would stop dropnir for a few hours by pulling the
ring, thereby giving the revelers a little more time. Because of this, he
was called Baugrdrottin (Lord of the Ring).

According to *Kakamal*, his place became so popular, that he had to sell 
memberships. His better customers received special marks on their bodies, 
which would be shown to the bouncer, Thunderer (named for his belching 
which it is said could break drinking horns), as admission into the inner 
hall. Once the general folk discovered the shape and placing of the special 
marks, it was said that many people would mark themselves so that they could 
seek admission into the inner hall, even though it was dangerous. One 
Valhalla-Crasher was heard saying that he would rather die a brawl-death 
than one in bed.

In the back of Oden's Valhalla mead hall/bakery was the local jail. It was
said that Oden was good at binding and unbinding prisoners, so he became the 
parttime jailer and executioner. He would hang the guilty criminals, and 
while they were struggling with the ropes, he would ask them about their 
mothers' pastry recipes. He got a lot of bad recipes that way.

The *Kakamal* recipe #24 was for Rune-Cakes, which it is said he invented 
(rumor had it that he stole the recipe from competing bakers, Dainn and 
Alsvithr). Sometimes he would over-cook the Rune-Cakes thereby ruining their 
use as a pastry, and so he sold them for other uses. They made great shields,
for it is said that they were so tough that they would dull blades. He 
also made plate-mail armor with the whole wheat Rune-Cakes, so that the 
wearer would fare from battle whole, whole wherever s/he goes. Finally, 
variation #18 called for certain long cylindrical Rune-Cakes which 
were sold as long-lasting bedtime snacks.

Professor Ibsen Fibsen declared that these new findings would make scholars
re-think the Germanic mythology of Odin. Fibsen said, "The Dumezilian
Tripartite System will fall and the advent of Dough mythology will rise."
Hans Yeastian Andersen, the owner of the land where Valhalla once stood 
remarked, "This would not have happened were it not for me." 

                     :-)         =-=         (-: