From: anon-1159@twwells.com (Kristian)
Subject: Reaction to Boser
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 00:14:55 GMT

Jeff:
    You said  you  wanted  to  know  what  people thought of your
    ideas.  Well  here  are  some  comments  after  some selected
    extracts.  Just my  opinion  on  a day which I admit has been
    kind of rough personally, so  the  tint  may  be  darker than
    usual.  
    
>In fact, most major changes in life come when someone just cant
>take it anymore.
    Agree  completely.    I  recognized that  even  from  another
    perspective where a number of things all came together at the
    same time -- seemingly fortuitously -- and I finally followed
    through,  contacted  a  therapist,  actually showed up at his
    office and  at  last  discovered and unburdened the secret of
    childhood sexual abuse that had  been  held within me and hidden
    for so long  that  I  had  not  recognized  it even though it
    manifested its effects in  classic  symptoms described in all
    the literature.  I had  even  read some of this stuff and had
    never made the connexion!  Or had denied it applied to me!
    
>You are gonna face your problems
>*every* *single* *minute* for rest of your life.  There aint no
>touchdown dance here.  And no finally 'getting on with your life'..
>What I want to show here, is that when you got a problem, you ride
>out the storm, throw yourself back in to correct course if you have
>to, then do it again and again and again...  There is no 'solution'.
>You are never, ever, 'healed'.  Its a part of you.
    This really hit me when I was feeling down today.  My stomach
    churns and I wonder if I have the  strength  to  keep on.  At
    least I have the understanding of WHAT is the  issue  and HOW
    it affects me.  Even Laura Davis talks about it  always being
    a part of you.  But frankly, she says it in  a  way  that  is
    more positive ...  or maybe I just read her ALLIES IN HEALING
    on a day when *I* was more positive.

>You figure out who you are, and use a rudder and steer a bit.  You
>grow until you can ride out the rough spots.
    I  sure  hope  so.  Today doesn't feel much like it, but I'll
    keep trying.
    
>about stages of healing..  denial,
>repression..  Your mind is trying to deal with something, so it
>starts rearranging the scenery, to find some way of see straight
>again..  and it eventually learns you cant..  so it drags your
>emotions through a storm, getting worse and worse and worse until
>you *have* to change.  The storm is there so you can learn about
>the problem and learn about ourself..
    I find  it interesting that you should use the same word that
    I found to describe part of my own process:  "storm".  That's exactly
    how it felt.   The  first  one  was  indescribably terrifying
    because I didn't know where  it was going to take me or if it would ever
    stop.  Since then, there have been other "storms" (and I fear
    today is a squall leading to another  one) which have been no
    less intense and battering, but with the previous  experience
    behind me, I have an essential confidence that I  can weather
    the next one through, painful though it be.
    
>suicide as the ultimate in personal power.  The ability
>to decide if living is worth it, and to decide to stop.
    I prefer not to see this as an option.  I see the "can't take
    it  anymore"  pushing  one  to  change (which *you* mentioned to
    begin with)  as more viable.  From my present vantage point I
    can only wonder at the progress I've managed to make in the face of
    some quite devastating discoveries  about my childhood:  even
    on this admittedly painfully down  day,  I can hardly believe
    the positive joie de vivre that  balances even the lurch that
    I feel when I realize some of  my  life  would  read  like  a
    tabloid story to some people.  My concern,  however,  is  not
    what they would make of me, but what *I*  will make of what I
    have.

>If you stop reading asar, stop sharing the pain, the pain has won,
>and you might as well surrender.
    I refuse to surrender.  I am going to see  this through, even
    if  it  means  a  daily  battle.   The good things that  have
    already  come about FEEL SOOOOO GOOD that I WANT MORE and I'm
    willing to work for them!
 
"Kristian"



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