HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Those damn MENTOS commercials!
Date: 28 Sep 1992 17:28:21 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: cobra.cs.berkeley.edu
Keywords: scrotum polish?

In article <1992Sep26.164750.23295@umbc3.umbc.edu> potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC)) writes:
|In article <1a10mgINNgfe@agate.berkeley.edu> curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin) writes:
|>In article <1992Sep26.041317.2278@umbc3.umbc.edu> potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC)) writes:
|>>
|>>speaking of ads of questionable taste... how come we see so many ads for 
|>>feminine hygiene products yet what about masculine hygiene products, hm??
|>>surely men are in need of similarly mysterious products.
|>
|>Tenderubbies Foreskin Wipes.
|>Extra-Thin Q-Tips, for Cleaning those Sensitive, Hard-To-Reach Spots.
|>Butt Tampons For Him.
|>Fuller's Scrotum Polish.
|>
|>This the sort of thing you mean, Laura?
|
|why, yes, curtis! exactly! what?? do they only show these ads during
|sporting events and other manly shows?

Uh, no.  No, women are sometimes in the audience at such events.
You can never be too sure.  Don't want to give away any secrets.

It's strictly word-of-mouth for such sensitive material.  Of course,
now that I've let the cat out of the bag they'll probably be going
full-bore on everything from "As The World Turns" to the WWF sasquatch-
weight championships.

c
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman)
Subject: Dessert Thingies (was: Food Pheromones)
Date: Tue, 06 Oct 92 18:30:28 GMT
Organization: Pillsbury Home for Wayward Dough Boys
Keywords: sugar, natural and artificial flavorings, vegetable oil

In article <1992Oct1.200903.24353@dg-rtp.dg.com> cochran@spam.rtp.dg.com (A. Jing Hippy) writes:
>
>Ah yes.  I once ate an entire can of Pillsbury Ready-to-Spread frosting
>(chocolate) because THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE SWEET IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!!!!

What's so weird about that? That frosting stuff is *great*. Just stick a
tub of it in the fridge and you've got delicious psuedofudge. (The true
connoisseur eats this with a butter knife as opposed to a spoon to show
that they once were going to frost a cake, but at the last minute had to
determine whether the frosting was good enough.)

What's also good is that cut 'n' bake cookie dough (chocolate chip, of
course) that tastes sooooo good frozen but gargles donkey dong when it's
actually cooked.

Frosting Peeve: The chocolate frosting also comes in a PartyPak which
means that it has candy dinosaurs in a small container on the top. The
idea being that once the cake is frosted to perfection, the dinosaurs
may be arranged on the top and sides in various battle formations (I
know that Geoff likes to arrange it so that the pterodactyls strafe 
the areodynamically-challenged dinosaurs.)

Don't get me wrong, the candy dinosaurs are way cool, but they're designed
to break teeth. My own theory is that they're cast-off industrial diamonds.
You can always tell when a person has bitten one of these things: Their
entire face seems to curl up in sympathy for their cracked molar.

One more frosting-related peeve is in regards to those small silver ball
bearings that are used to decorate cupcakes. These monsters look cool,
but they're actually designed to be used as .177 pellets, and aren't
for human consumption. You think I'm kidding, right? It's true. Cruise
down the aisle of the supermarket and read the big warning on the side
of the jar. 

Peeve: It's only a matter of time before a bunch of "concerned moms" 
(pronounced: "people with nothing better to do than destroy hazardous
childhood foodstuffs") take all of this stuff off the shelves.

d "blow out the candles on your organic birthday tofu, dear" h
-- 
We've replaced the fine baby Jesus we normally use with Folgers crystals.
Let's see if they notice the difference.
From: russ@bbxrbk (Russ Kepler)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Recipes for the New Depression
Keywords: deer season is almost here!
Date: 6 Oct 92 21:40:07 GMT
Organization: /etc/organization

In article <knfp3+-@lynx.unm.edu> jennyb@triton.unm.edu (Jenny Ballmann) writes:
>spatleze	asparagus		pie crust, well pricked

OK, I give up: where do you get spatlese around here?  I can't even
find the fully looking strainer like thing I've seen used to make the
noodles, much less the pre-made stuff.

For the clueless, spatlese is a noodle made (mostly) in southern
Germany (likely Austria and Switzerland as well) served as a side with
a lot of dishes.  It's good, too damn good, and an excellent way to
serve up extra calories.

-- 
Russ Kepler, posting from home
Will hack unix for food 		(.sig stolen from dt - sorry, dt)
From: baldwin@carina.unm.edu (Chris Baldwin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Pained Whale?
Date: 6 Oct 92 14:18:49 GMT
Organization: Atheist for the Development of a Better God

In article <Bvp0KE.JKM@dcs.ed.ac.uk> Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Monsieur Not Al, Cordon Bleu Masterchef) writes:
>In article <1992Oct06.005208.22550@CS.ORST.EDU> tim@physics.orst.edu writes:
>>
>> The group has been somewhat boring lately anyway, someone should post
>> some recipes that actually work.  
>
>Speak, and it shall be done...
>
>Cheese On Toast
>---------------
[Brilliant recipe deleted. I will have to try this one.]
>
	My personal favorite is Kraft(tm) Cheese and Macaroni. This
stuff is so simple that I have only known one person to ever screw
it up. I will point out where he went wrong in the recipe.

Kraft(tm) Mac and Cheese
--------------------
Get 1 box of Kraft(tm) Cheese and Macaroni. You could go for some inferior
brand, but I can't recommend it.

Boil some water.
Add macaroni
Cook under desired tenderness - Now I know your out there saying, "But
	Chris, there seems to be a large margin for error in this desired
	tenderness thing." Normally, you'd be right, but unless you are
	using a gargantuan pot, the water will all boil off while you
	still have edible macaroni. Week before last, I started a pot
	boiling and forgot about it for some long, but indeterminate time.
	No problem.
Drain remaining water from Macaroni <- This is where the guy I knew screwed
	up. Not only did he forget to drain the macaroni, but for some unknown
	reason he added dish washing soap before continuing.
Add cheese powder, some milk and some butter or margerine. The butter and
	milk are not actually required, but if you forgo both of them, add
	just a touch of water.
Stir until the cheese power isn't a powder any more and the butter or
	margerine has melted.
Eat.

	That's all there is to it. A meal fit for a poor college student.
If you're feeling really adventurous and happen to have an extra $1 or so,
add a can of tuna to during the stirring phase. Be sure o drain it first.

ObPeeve: While the adding of the tuna is pretty tasty, I have yet to find
anything that I get worse heartburn from. 

-- 
"Hey, Guido! It's all so clear to me now. I'm the keeper of the cheese and
you're the lemon merchant. Getit? And he knows it! That's why he's gonna kill
us. So we gotta beat it. Yeah, before he lets loose the marmosets on us! - Ren
From: carolo@cse.ucsc.edu (Carol Osterbrock)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Those damn MENTOS commercials!
Date: 27 Sep 1992 01:27:43 GMT
Organization: University of California, Santa Cruz (CE/CIS Boards)
NNTP-Posting-Host: arapaho.ucsc.edu

In article <1992Sep26.041317.2278@umbc3.umbc.edu> potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC)) writes:

>speaking of ads of questionable taste... how come we see so many ads for 
>feminine hygiene products yet what about masculine hygiene products, hm??
>surely men are in need of similarly mysterious products. surely. at least
>banta, no?

I don't think so.  Men's naughty bits stick out, so they can usually
find some woman to keep them clean for them.  Even banta.

-carol
-- 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
   Carol Osterbrock     | "Thou art a villain."
                        |       "You are--a senator."
  carolo@cse.ucsc.edu   |  -W. Shakespeare   (Some things never change)
From: booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Commercials-on-the-brain
Keywords: plop plop fizz fizz
Date: 5 Oct 92 19:04:17 GMT
Organization: The Autodesk Menagerie - Housecat Division

In article <lcph5gINNbjo@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM> geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) writes:
>
>I would've liked to have seen the effect on a streetful of Berkeley
>rioters of the 6000 rounds-per-minute, depleted uranium-spitting GAU-8 
>Avenger 30mm cannon of an A-10 Warthog.  I figure the pilot could've 
>done a little tap-dance on the rudder pedals as he proceeded up Telegraph
>Avenue, so as to ensure maximum wall-to-wall coverage.


Gee, thanks, Geoff. Its bad enough that I cannot walk into a bar
anymore without worrying about being beat to vapor by some hormone-crazed
Kampus Rent-a-Kop or having some shrill hobo screaming at me about
how unfair it was that a cop shot a psychopathic machete-wielding PMS
crazed hobo-ette in a private home. Now, I get to worry that my own
fellow peevers are contemplating doing the old Vegematic on innocent,
yet inebriated pub-going bunny huggers like myself. (Not to mention
skateboarding CD buyers, cute little Lolitas, crazed pizza delivery
boys, or greying Quakers).

Peeve: Outsiders who think they know what is good for a city they
don't live in.

ER

--

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I just couldn't take the green brain carpet, so I had to kill it."
					-R. Hep
From: booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Just Wondering...
Keywords: mush, oatmeal, grits, Cream of Wheat (tm)
Date: 2 Oct 92 20:08:34 GMT
Organization: The Autodesk Menagerie - Housecat Division

In article <8lapmbj@lynx.unm.edu> jennyb@triton.unm.edu (Jenny Ballmann) writes:
>In article <16010001@hpdmd48.boi.hp.com> jqtaylor@hpdmd48.boi.hp.com (John Quill Taylor) writes:
>>          The Question: Why do women wear shoulder pads? 
>
>Why of course to keep the straps of our enormous bulging purses from
>bruising our dainty shoulders.
>
>Also, they make dandy feminine hygeine products in a pinch.


If you take the collection of them mouldering in the bottom drawer
and stuffed them inside your tee-shirt three at a time, you can
be Dolly Parton for Halloween. They are exactly the right size as
Hooter Visual Expansion Units.

Many have Velcro on them and one may have a merry game of tossing them
at each other to make them stick. I think I would not use them as
fem hygeine products because of the Velcro, which adheres itself in
a most gnarly way to various forms of hair.

ER
--

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I just couldn't take the green brain carpet, so I had to kill it."
					-R. Hep
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: yarvin@cs.yale.edu (Norman Yarvin)
Subject: Re: *Virtual* Reality
Originator: yarvin@cathy.CS.Yale.Edu
Organization: Yale Computer Science Department
Date: Sun, 27 Sep 1992 21:22:24 GMT

jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:

Newton was _not_ a philosopher.  He was a physicist.  Of the rest of your
list of people I know little.

> We all have personal philosophies - even you, Norman.

"If I am to go through life with a set of fixed principles, it seems to me
rather like traveling a winding forest trail with a long pole in my mouth."
  - Bismarck


--
Norman Yarvin						yarvin@cs.yale.edu
From: sjl@doc.ic.ac.uk (Steve J Lacey)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Stupid system messages
Date: 29 Sep 92 15:02:54
Organization: Department Of Computing, Imperial College, London.
NNTP-Posting-Host: stork.doc.ic.ac.uk
In-reply-to: jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk's message of 28 Sep 92 09:26:40 GMT

>>>>> On 28 Sep 92 09:26:40 GMT, jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk (JHenderson) said:


JHenderson>    Broadcast Message at 10:21 ...

JHenderson>         *** Shutdown message for maps from paul@maps ***

JHenderson> maps going down at 13:00
JHenderson>         ...to replace power supply

JHenderson> Broadcast Message at 10:26 ...

JHenderson>         *** Shutdown message for maps from paul@maps ***

JHenderson> maps going down at 13:00
JHenderson>         ...to replace power supply


JHenderson> So tell us, paul@maps, are you going to send a message every five minutes
JHenderson> for the next three hours to tell us about this shutdown?

MajorPeeve: People who peeve constantly about these messages. You mean
you don't want to know that the machine is going to go down? Ok... the
shutdown program is a tad brain dead...

Steve.
--
---
Steve J Lacey, Systems Group.      (In my opinion, my opinions are just that.)
Department of Computing, Imperial College of Science, Technology and Medicine,
180 Queen's Gate, London SW7. Phone : 071 589 5111 x5085, Fax : 071 581 8024 
Email: sjl@doc.ic.ac.uk            `Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?'
---
Xref: sparky alt.peeves:15133 alt.tasteless:10885
From: parr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Charles Parr)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves,alt.tasteless
Subject: Re: Woe is Me
Date: 5 Oct 92 22:07:46 GMT
Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta

In article <ld0n7nINNfk5@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM> geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) writes:
>
>
>
>In article <Bv5L8o.1v5@acsu.buffalo.edu> v222p9ns@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu 
>(A PFC, AND DAMNED PROUD TO BE) writes:
>
>>	Or, as a friend of mine used to say to me after a heavy night of 
>>drinking, "How about a nice, greasy pork sandwich, with some mayonnaise that is
>>just starting to turn yellow and hard around the edges?" 
>
>
>Or how about a cup of warm Wesson oil, or perhaps cold lamb gravy?

How about a scoop of frozen wesson oil, in one of those waffle
cones. You could lick at it just like ice cream! Yum!

Regards, Charles
-- 
Within the span of the last few weeks I have heard elements of
separate threads which, in that they have been conjoined in time,
struck together to form a new chord within my hollow and echoing
gourd. --Unknown net.person
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: alex@vmars.tuwien.ac.at (Alexander Vrchoticky)
Subject: Re: gun wienies
Organization: Technical University Vienna, Dept. for Realtime Systems, AUSTRIA
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 16:46:46 GMT

chrisw@hpscit.sc.hp.com (Chris Wiles) writes:

>	Major peeve! People who misunderstand cause and effect.

i know! i know! if you push a button (cause) a posting pops out (effect).

did i get that right? gosh, i wonder if it will work again!

ob-mantra: `sit on your hands sit on your hands sit on your hands ...'


-- 
Alexander Vrchoticky             alex@vmars.tuwien.ac.at
TU Vienna, CS/Real-Time Systems  +43/1/58801-8168
From: booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: School is Back in Session ( Was Re: Rewriting History
Date: 28 Sep 92 18:58:54 GMT
Organization: The Autodesk Menagerie - Housecat Division

In article <1992Sep25.132533.22442@cas.org> esp51@cas.org writes:
>Jenny writes:
[reasonably good peeve]
>
>Yeah, I remember that.  I was sitting in the booth next to you, and
>suddenly this pimply faced prepubescent blonde airhead starts spewing
>hamburger chunks all over the floor.  Nobody could figure what what
>was so funny, we figured it was your ugly lisbo girlfriend who
>was squeezing zits onto her french fries.  Well, now that you
>explain it, it's all perfectly clear.  Of course, you were laughing
>at the musak.  Funny what'l set these teenyboppers off.


Yup, school is back in session. Hordes of grubby fingers once again
pound the keyboards all over the planet, spewing bile and frustration
at every target, appropriate or not.

Scott, I want you to bend way, way over, drop your pants and remove
that large itcy hair from your rectal orifice.

Then, go over to the blackboard and write the correct spelling of
Lisbon (a city) or lesbo (a slang term) 100 times.

Once you learn to spell, you can find a job somewhere where you don't
have to clean up after people in fast food joints that play Musak.

ER
--

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I just couldn't take the green brain carpet, so I had to kill it."
					-R. Hep
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: cindy@solan10.solan.unit.no (Cynthia Kandolf)
Subject: Re: Rewriting History
Organization: /home/ludviga/cindy/.organization
	<1992Sep27.023846.15405@news.iastate.edu>
Date: 27 Sep 92 18:28:43

Dan Sorenson writes:
>        Seen on a bumper sticker: "Columbus was following a Norwegian map!"

So now we find out he can't even read a damn map.  And they try to
make a hero out of this guy?

At least the Vikings admitted they got lost.

-Cindy Kandolf
 cindy@solan.unit.no
 Trondheim, Norway
From: padutton@wpi.WPI.EDU (Peter Alan Dutton)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Those damn MENTOS commercials!
Date: 28 Sep 92 00:32:48 GMT
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
NNTP-Posting-Host: wpi.wpi.edu

In article <CINDY.92Sep26142754@solan10.solan.unit.no> cindy@solan10.solan.unit.no (Cynthia Kandolf) writes:

>The bit i don't understand is why they never admit what the damn
>things are for.  I mean, if we can have commercials showing a little
>cartoon penis putting a condom on itself, we're certainly ready for
>a commercial that contains the word "menstruation", aren't we?

I don't know - are we ready for a post that contains that word?

When I was younger, I once asked my mother what things like "tampons"
were for - she got VERY upset and replied with a curt "none of your
business". So I kind of figured that they were some sort of diaper
for women. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why men didn't
have this problem with incontinence.

My point is that the commercials never mention what these products are
for in order to confuse seven-year-old boys. It's a plot, though I can't
figure out to what ends...

In any case, the US hasn't gotten to the animated penis point.

>Maybe they're just afraid they'll have to admit the major difference
>between brands is the color of the box.

Isn't that the case with most products?

Peter!

(Use my mother's tampons? NO WAY!)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: charless@sco.com (charles stross)
Subject: Re: Boss Peeve
Organization: The Somewhat Contagious Operation, Inc.
Cc:   
Date: Mon, 28 Sep 1992 08:10:56 +0000

In article <1992Sep25.220351.5253@CS.ORST.EDU> Tim Mefford writes:
>
>So, someone help me.  Scotland, San Francisco, New Mexico.
>What is it about these three places?  Different latitudes,
>different amusing costumes and funny accents.  Nuclear testing
>in NM, 1st bomb shipped out of SF, Nuke Sub base in Scotland?
>That's stretching it a bit.  Alien peeve rays?  Suggestions?

They all have branches of McDonald's. Speaking of which:

>Word for the day: dreck

But you knew that McDonald's were <ob_word_for_the_day> all 
along, didn't you?


-- 
Charlie Stross aka charless@scol.sco.com ..... UNIX oriented text mangler
WARNING: The opinions voiced in the preceding electronic document are the
product of a warped mind. Take two before meals.
From: fofp@castle.ed.ac.uk (M Holmes)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: *Virtual* Reality
Keywords: Losers
Date: 29 Sep 92 13:46:28 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

>In article <Bv9DKq.DK2@nic.umass.edu>, jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:

>|> Just in case you never heard of Plato.....
>|> 

Mickey Mouse's dog. Right?

FoFP
From: paul@alantec.com (G. Paul Ziemba)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Stupid ads (was: Those damn MENTOS commercials!)
Date: 2 Oct 92 01:57:33 GMT

tpehrson@javelin.sim.es.com (tim clinkenpeel) writes:

>for me they serve as a form of amusement, as i muse over 'who are the
>advertising geniuses who came up with this one?'.  i mean exactly _who_ are
>these commercials supposed to appeal to?

Here in silicoland, on hwy 101, there is a billboard advertising
(I think) University Bank and Trust. Up until last week or so, it
had a picture of an onion and the slogan, "A bank that brings
tears to your eyes."

This week thay changed it to a picture of a guy with an ear trumpet,
and the slogan says something equally inane, like, "If you listen,
you might learn something."

Makes me think of that movie "they" made a while back about alien
invaders who put subliminal propaganda on billboards, and the
heroes of the story had to wear special glasses to read the secret
messages.

Peeve: Banks.

Peeve #2: not being able to remember the name of that movie. Not
	  that I ever actually *saw* it, of course, just the previews.
-- 
Paul Ziemba  paul@alantec.com	alantec!paul  408.955.9000 x227

"The first TV I ever owned...I threw from a third story window at a burglar"
 - sjackson@parc.xerox.com
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: parr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Charles Parr)
Subject: Re: School is Back in Session ( Was Re: Rewriting History
Date: Thu, 01 Oct 92 13:59:15 GMT
Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta

In article <1992Sep30.021600.7936@bbxrbk> russ@bbxrbk (Russ Kepler) writes:

>C'mon, Dan, wasting pheasants with a combine can't count for as much
>as blowing rabbits into a frothy red mass with a 12 ga.  What's the
>power factor of a combine, anyway?

    Well, out here we tend to hunt them with .22, thus avoiding
    the old pre-ground bunny problem. Takes some slight skill
    as well, as you need a well placed head shot to guarantee
    the kill on an 8lb prairie jack rabbit.

    Of course, I *never* used to hunt Ducks on the water like
    this. Nope, never. Not even when I promised roast duck to
    pretty girls and got skunked. Not me.

    ObAntiPeeve: Rabbit stew with red wine, bacon, and shallots.
    I'll be serving up a mess of it at jenny's place soon as
    I dig out the old savage semi-auto...

>I just want to know what he did with the rabbits after punching their
>tickets with a 12 gauge.  Not a lot of Mr. Bunny left after hitting
>them with 1.25 oz of lead pellets at 800 fps...

    Hmmm...I *have* shot the little furry bastards with a 12ga.
    I stopped because I hated biting into shot, but they were
    still quite edible/recognisable. Are your rabbits so dumb
    that you are getting to 10ft to fire?

    Bloodthirstily yours, Charles
-- 
Within the span of the last few weeks I have heard elements of
separate threads which, in that they have been conjoined in time,
struck together to form a new chord within my hollow and echoing
gourd. --Unknown net.person
From: allane@earth.gas.unsw.OZ.AU (Allan H. Evans)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: School is Back in Session ( Was Re: Re
Summary: Japan had nothing to do with this.
Keywords: Debt, borrowing, budget deficits
Date: 1 Oct 92 00:30:44 GMT
Reply-To: allane@earth.gas.unsw.OZ.AU
Organization: School of Geography, UNSW.

In article 13643@cas.org, esp51@cas.org () writes:
>
>Peeve: Reagan cut taxes for the super rich (top 1%) from 75% to 25%
>thus making us the greatest debter nation there is.

I can see that this logic is completely irrefutable.

Al

---
_______________________________________________________________________________
| Allan H. Evans * School of Geography * UNSW * PO Box 1 Kensington 2033 Aust.|
| allane@earth.gas.unsw.OZ.AU  Remote Sensing and Spatial Information Systems |
From: reykja@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Reykja Sigurdsson)
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 03:59:31 GMT
Subject: Re: Big mac's and students
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA