From: bobk@gibdo.engr.washington.edu (Bob)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Re: Request: "Feminist" type jokes
Date: 30 Dec 1992 13:02:07 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: gibdo.engr.washington.edu

  		**** Iron Maidens **** (from Iron City)
  
  You've heard I'm sure the legend about the first man and woman:
  
  One drunken night god was feeling very lonely.  So he created man, and
  they had a few beers. The next afternoon he woke up and saw how badly he
  fucked up, so he tried again and created woman.  (About time the fat cunt
  did something right.)  BUT... did you know that he went one further and
  created *us*.
  
  Yes. the women of Rock n' Roll (and he did a fucking good job.)  Women clad
  tightly in leather, scantily in satin and lace, balancing on high stiletto
  boots.  Thinkers by day and drinkers by night.  We all know that behind
  every rock 'n roll star there's a fuckin' good woman keeping him from going
  blind.  (This includes wannabes, have-beens and will-never-be rock stars.)
  
  Stated fact: Contrary to what millions of drunken metal heads believe,
  metal chicks weren't put on this planet as SEX SLAVES!  (But hey, who's
  complaining.)
  
  
  Sound familar?  (Does this sound like your man?)  You've been nagging your
  God-damn boyfriend to take you some place nice for dinner (come on, it's your
  birthday after all), finally he agrees, but: "Ya have to pay for yourself."
  So you go out and he pulls up at McDeaths for 85c hamburgers and a drive
  through coke (and the bastard expects you to be grateful.)
  
  
  Quote: "Carbon becomes diamonds only because it put under incredible
         pressure."

  But honey all the bitchin' in the world aint gonna change that longhaired,
  beer-bellied, satanistic, sleezy cunt you call a boyfriend.
  
  And Remember....
  
     1. Dont let him call you his missus until you've got that *gold
        band* on your left hand and his money goes straight to *you* on
        payday.  
  
     2. Your average metal head man may treat you like shit around his
        mates, but we all know they are *pussycats* when you have got
        them alone.  In fact you should have him wrapped so tightly 
        round your sexy little finger, that he can count the hairs
        on his balls.
  
     3. And...women weren't given periods because they deserve them.  I
        reckon it's a week, once a month reprieve from useless sex (,i.e.
        your average 7-second marathon-man, ha ha.)
  
  
  WHY WERE WOMEN CREATED
  
     1. Women were created so perfect because men weren't.
  
     2. So men who invented high heel, bras, lacy underwear and hairspray
        could become fuckin' rich.
  
     3. So that words like slut, bitch, tart, slag, wench, chicks, babies,
        birds and girlies could be used.
  
     4. So that men don't have to have stretch marks.
  
     5. So dogs, sheep and chickens could be left alone.
  
     6. So men don't have to worry about spending their money.
  
     7. So whistling isn't a waste of breath.
  
     8. So the space on the back of a Harley can be used.
  
     9. To give bands like Iron Maiden, AC/DC, Black Sabbath, The Mentors
        <or insert name of favourite band here> etc. have something to
        sing about.
  
    10. To give men a hard way to go.
  
    11. To be victimized.

  
  WHY WERE MEN CREATED???
  
        Who the fuck cares, it's not relevant.
  
  THE RULES
  	
     1. The female always makes the Rules.

     2. The Rules are subject to change at any time WITHOUT PRIOR
        NOTIFICATION.

     3. No MALE can possibly know the Rules.

     4. If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the rules, she must
        immediately change some of all the rules.

     5. The FEMALE is NEVER wrong.

     6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which
        was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

     7. If Rule 6 applies, the MALE must apologize IMMEDIATELY for
        causing the MISUNDERSTANDING.

     8. The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.

     9. The MALE must NEVER change his mind without the expressed written
        consent of the FEMALE.
  ==
  
  Note: I think these were added later:
  
    10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
    11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him
        to be angry or upset.
    12. The Female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or
        not she wants him to be angry or upset.
    13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
    14. If the Female has PMS, all rules are null and void.
    15. If two Females disagree about a rule, they are both right.
    16. If the Female is not happy, none shall be happy.
  ==

  Bob                                          Seattle, Washington

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