HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: bretwood@oregon.uoregon.edu (Bret Wood)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Re: Backpass-FIFA deserves the Nobel Prize!!
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 20:31:40 GMT
Organization: University of Oregon
NNTP-Posting-Host: dtyler1.uoregon.edu

In article <Bz9HBC.451@SSD.intel.com> jimd@ssd.intel.com (Jim DePorter) writes:

>MLINDROOS@FINABO.ABO.FI (Marcus Lindroos INF) writes:

>I went to my daughters Olympic Development Tryouts this past weekend
>(Oregon), and noticed that the ball was being regularly knocked back
>to the keeper. I know that this has been allowed in High School and
>College matches, but when the Club season started this past fall
>there was a qualifying tournament (and possibly some others) where
>the backpass wasn't allowed. One of the other parents at the tryout
>said that once the season started passbacks to the keeper were 
>allowed and that they would also be allowed for the winter season.
>My questions:
> Are other state organizations not following the new passback rules?
>And are there regulations on when FIFA rules must be enacted? 

I'm a USSF ref in Eugene, Oregon, and I know that one of the major reasons
that the backpass rule wasn't used this season is that they didn't notify
the referees.  I don't know if FIFA, USSF, or our state administrator is
at fault, but the players knew, the coaches knew, but none of the referees
in the Eugene association were notified unless they were also coaches.  And
I have to add that as a referee I don't change the laws based on word of
mouth rumors about some FIFA action which I didn't get official notification
of.  I had one game where I had a very big problem with a coach screaming
to his players that the referee didn't know the rules.  (I'm kind of irate
about this issue.  Sorry.)

Anyway, Along with the coaches and the players, most of the referees I know
think the rule has potential, but in it's current form it is difficult and
ambiguous to implement.

-Bret Wood
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
From: sanjiv@projtech.com (Sanjiv Gossain)
Subject: Cantona
Organization: Project Technology, Inc., Berkeley, CA
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 1992 01:06:14 GMT


I heard somewhere that Eric Cantona left Leeds.
Is this true? I haven't been able to 
follow UK soccer recently (thankfully as I hate it when
Leeds lose- and they have been losing too much recently)
but this I must know.... and did he go to ManU ???
oh..no!!

Please e-mail me any info...

Thanks!

Sanjiv
From: cf124@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Claudio Ruggieri)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Re: Maradona or Pele.
Date: 17 Dec 1992 11:24:30 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: cf124@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Claudio Ruggieri)
NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu


	Would you please elaborate more? Best with his foot or
best with his hand? As for the last it is very easy :-).

	Claudio

-- 
Claudio Ruggieri                     !  Cerimonial Tea : 
Faculty of Engineering               !  Just boil the water,
Osaka University, Japan              !  make the tea and drink it.
email: a62420a@center.osaka-u.ac.jp  !  That's all !!!
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
From: schraag@lri.jur.uva.nl (Joost Schraag)
Subject: Re: A unique goal
Organization: Social Science Informatics
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 13:44:08 GMT
X-Should-Be-Newsgroup: rec.sport.football.real

schoof@informatik.uni-wuerzburg.de (Jochen "Joscho" Schoof) writes:

+ Andy Lipscomb (LIPSCOJA@ctrvax.vanderbilt.edu) wrote:
+ : > OK Joe, how about this (for real):
+ : > In my first high school match of the season last week, the final score was
+ : > 2-1, with one goal each side scored against itself by the keeper.  In the 2nd
+ : > minute, a player took a prodigious throw in near his opponents' goal line.
+ : > The ball was going for the far upper corner (!!) and was curving in -- the 
+ : > keeper leaped and barely brushed the ball with his fingers as it blew past
+ : > him into the net.  Ruling:  own goal by keeper (can't credit to thrower!).
+ : > [Fortunately, I was playing it like a corner-kick and was standing on the 
+ : > goal-line about 5 yards outside the post, and could hear the touch.]
+ : 
+ : That sounds like a horribly stupid play by the keeper; if he leaves it alone,
+ : it can't score (I think); the result would then be a mere corner kick.
+ 
+ Although it's really stupid, it is exactly what happened in the German
+ Bundesliga a few years ago. In his first match for Bayern Munich
+ Jean-Marie Pfaff scored a goal the very same way after a throw-in by
+ Werder Bremen's Uwe Reinders (if I remember right).
+ BTW, if the goalie left his fingers off the ball it would result in a
+ kick-off from goal, not in a corner kick.
+ 
+ - Jochen
+ 

Well, to scare your team-mates, coach and supporters.
If a defender throws back to his keeper, nobody touches the ball,
and the keeper lets it go in the goal, the result will be a corner-kick.
And a lot of aggrivation.

joost.

--
Joost Schraag        e-mail: schraag@lri.jur.uva.nl        ICBM: 52.22`N 04.54`E
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
From: rorschak@daimi.aau.dk (Jesper Lauridsen)
Subject: Re: Maradona or Pele
Organization: Federation Internationale de Football Association
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 92 11:57:57 GMT

james@brock.b17b.ingr.com (James Brock) writes:

>Adding yet another opinion to this thread, I must give my
>nod to Pele. While it is true that the game has become much 
>more defensive and tighter, I have seen Pele do things with
>(and without) the ball of which I think Maradona is not capable.
>Pele's goal in 1958's WM (he was 18?) is one example. He takes the
>ball on the thigh (his back to the goal), flips it up over his head, 
>runs around a defender, and volleys it home.

That trick is not that hard to do. I have seen a workhorse like
Kim Vilfort do that very same thing in a WC qualification game
this year (unfortunatly he hit the post).
-- 
Jesper Lauridsen       | Liverpool FC - 18xChampions, 5xCup Winner,
rorschak@daimi.aau.dk  |                4xEC1 and 2xEC3 Winner
               The Manchester United of 2015?
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
From: tpd1@cec2.wustl.edu (Theodore P. David)
Subject: Cyprus' results
Organization: Washington University, St. Louis MO
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 17:42:35 GMT

From:         THEO <TPASCHALIDES@BPA.ARIZONA.EDU>


This week's results:

APOEL        2 ARIS         1
APOLLWN      3 APOP         0
AEL          2 OMONOIA      2
POL          4 AXNA         1
SALAMINA     1 ANORTHOSIS   2
EUAGORAS     3 EPA          0
ENWSIS       3 OLYMPIAKOS   1



                     CYPRUS SOCCER CHAMPIONSHIP  12/13/92
                     --------------------------------------



                TEAM       GAMES  PNTS      W   DR  D    GF   GA
           1   APOLLWN      10     23       7   2   1    30  13
           2   SALAMINA     10     23       7   2   1    18   6
           3   OMONOIA      10     21       6   3   1    37  15
           4   APOEL        10     21       6   3   1    20   9
           5   ANORTHOSIS   10     19       6   1   3    15  13
           6   AXNA         10     15       5   0   5    17  15
           7   ENWSIS       10     13       4   1   5    17  24
           8   ARIS         10     11       3   2   5    15  23
           9   AEL          10     10       3   1   6    17  19
          10   EUAGORAS     10     10       3   1   6    14  20
          11   OLYMPIAKOS   10     10       3   1   6     9  22
          12   EPA          10      9       2   3   5    10  18
          13   POL          10      8       1   5   4    13  15
          14   APOP         10      4       1   1   8     6  26


Theodoros
From: cbas38@vaxa.strath.ac.uk
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Re: Great Britain National Teams
Date: 10 Dec 92 08:51:59 GMT
Organization: Strathclyde University VAX Cluster

In article <1992Dec8.163523.6848@gw.wmich.edu>, statlab1@gw.wmich.edu writes:
> Here is something I have been wondering about for many years.
> 
> Why does FIFA and UEFA allow Great Britain to be represented with 
> four national teams? 
> 
> Why doesn't any country complain about it?


	Cos each of the 4 countries has its own separate football 
associations and league set ups.  That's why.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                                       +
Sandy Mackinnon,                       + 
At the Cutting Edge of Fuel Science,   + 
University of Strathclyde,             +      cbas38@vaxa.strath.ac.uk 
Glasgow,                               + 
Scotland.                              +  
	  	                       +
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
From: SYSMAINT%BRUFBA.BITNET@VTVM2.CC.VT.EDU (Luiz Alberto)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Cup of Brazil 92
Date: 15 Dec 1992 06:59:54 -0600
Organization: Universidade Federal da Bahia - Brasil
NNTP-Posting-Host: cs.utexas.edu
X-Unparseable-Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 09:33:47 BRA

     Cup of Brazil 92
     ----------------
The winner of Cup  qualify for next Libertadores.
The second of Cup  qualify for next Comebol.

Finals
-------
10/12 - Place - Sao Januario   Att. - 7.491
        Referee - Marcio Rezende de Freitas
        Fluminense        2-1  Internacional(RS)
        Vagner 24(1)           Caico 7(2)
        Ezio 26(2)

Fluminense - Jeferson; Ze Teodoro,Vica,Sandro,Souza and Lira;
             Anderson,Julinho and Sergio Manoel;
             Vagner and Ezio.

Internacional - Fernandez; Celio Lino,Celio Silva,Pinga and Ricardo;
                Anderson,Elson and Marquinhos;
                Mauricio,Gerson and Caico.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
13/12 - Place - Beira Rio
        Referee - Jose Aparecido dos Santos
        Internacional(RS) 1-0  Fluminense
        Celio Silva (P) 42(2)

Internacional - Fernandez; Celio Lino,Celio Silva,Pinga and Daniel;
                Ricardo,Elson(Luciano) and Marquinhos;
                Mauricio,Gerson and Caico.
                Coach - Antonio Lopes.

Fluminense - Jeferson; Ze Teodoro,Vica,Sandro(Itabera),Souza and Lira;
             Pires,Bobo and Sergio Manoel;
             Vagner and Ezio.
             Coach - Sergio Gomes.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Internacional qualify for next Libertadores.
Fluminense qualify for next Comebol
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
From: lein@garage.uucp (John Leinaweaver)
Subject: Re: RULE CHANGES
Organization: Bellcore, Piscataway NJ
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 20:39:20 GMT

In article <1992Dec17.195742.9185@selway.umt.edu> lokes@selway.umt.edu (Lokeswara Rao) writes:
>In article <1992Dec16.105241.10380@abo.fi> MLINDROOS@FINABO.ABO.FI (Marcus Lindroos INF) writes:
>>In <1992Dec14.054305.52647@gmuvax.gmu.edu> 2005bj@gmuvax.gmu.edu writes:
>>
>>> SOCCER IS UNDOUBTEDLY THE MOST EXCITING, AND MOST ENTERTAINING SPORT IN 
>>> THE WORLD.  THE NEW RULES IMPOSED BY FIFA IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE GREATLY
>>> SHOULD BE STOPPED WHENEVER THERE IS AN INJURY, OR WHEN THE BALL GOES OUT
>>> OF BOUNDS. THIS WOULD PREVENT PLAYERS FROM KILLING TIME OFF THE CLOCK
>>---
>>Hm, perhaps a "hybrid" system would work best? The effective clock could be
>>stopped every time the goalie holds the ball in his hands, in case of injuries
>>etc. and the game is over once this clock reaches 60 minutes. They could
>>display both the standard 90min. time and the effective clock on the
>>scoreboard, thus satisfying the traditionalists.
>> 
>>MARCU$ 
>>
>
>I hope soccer does not evolve into the present baseball which is sometimes
>3 hours long.....   It will bore me as much as baseball does now....
>

Wow, what a concept, soccer could be played over 9 innings with each side
getting three outs each inning to score.  I guess if the goally catches the 
ball or if it goes out of bounds it would be an out.
From: bocmunro@bnr.co.uk (Bruce Munro)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Re: English League still SUCKS a lot
Date: 17 Dec 1992 14:34:26 GMT
Organization: BNR Europe, New Southgate, London.
NNTP-Posting-Host: bnsgs179.bnr.co.uk

In article <1992Dec16.180756.9706@ultb.isc.rit.edu> mxt7690@ritvax.isc.rit.edu writes:
>Referring to article 12443.
>Hard to digest,huh ? Come on guys let's face the reality.OK ? Good .

Huh? Article 12443 disappeared off our news server ages ago. Obviously,
you're a bit of a newbie if you don't realise that article numbers
differ on every site. The only way to identify an individual article is
with the Message-ID: line in the header.

-- 
Bruce Munro.  <bruce@tcom.stc.co.uk> Tel: +44 81 945 2174
BNR Europe Ltd, Oakleigh Rd South, London N11 1HB. 
"And David Seaman will be disappointed about that, it seemed to go through his
fingers" - Barry Davies commentating on the Spurs v Arsenal FA Cup semi
From: csfraw@raate.uta.fi (Elvis is still living)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Re: DREAM TEAM
Date: 13 Dec 92 14:53:58 GMT
Reply-To: csfraw@raate.uta.fi (Elvis is still living)
Organization: University of Tampere, Finland

In article <1992Dec10.125804.6894@gw.wmich.edu> 988fernandez@gw.wmich.edu writes:
>my best dream team is:
>
>                        1  PAGLIUCA
>
>      2 MANNINI   5 VIERCOWOD  4 BARESI   3 MALDINI
>
>   7 LOMBARDO  6 CORINI  10 MANCINI   8 DONADONI  11 LENTINI
>
>                         9 VIALLI
>                         

no place for Baggio (sp?) ?????????


--
gallows
     Opinions are like assholes;
     Everybody has one but nobody wants to look at the others.

Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
From: passier@bmerh9a1.BNR.CA (Chris Passier)
Subject: Re: Maradona or Pele.
Reply-To: passier@bmerh9a1.BNR.CA (Chris Passier)
Organization: Bell-Northern Research Ltd.
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 92 14:41:19 GMT

All this talk about who's better than who is really pointless.
Since there's so much artistry involved in soccer, it really
becomes quite subjective when one has to determine "the best".
Just tallying up the total goals scored, or who could do the
better scissor-kick-over-the-head, is meaningless. Great soccer
is an art, and therefore, very hard to quantify. One would have no
more luck in trying to decide whether one great piece of art
work is better than another great piece.

So, let's stop bickering and just say that Pele and Maradonna were
two of the greatest.

Of course,.... neither were as good as the Dutch J.C.! ... ;-)

=======================================================================
Chris J. Passier        |splish...splash...splish...splash...splish....
passier@x400gate.bnr.ca |squeak....creak....squeak...creak...squeak....
613.763.8909            |slap slap puff..slap slap puff..slap slap puff
BNR, Ottawa, Canada     |.... aaahhhhhhhhhhh!              Just Tri It!
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
From: gmcdermo@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (graham.p.mcdermott)
Subject: Re: New Predictions' League - First Fixtures !!
Organization: AT&T
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 13:09:57 GMT


Hey, guys don't you think that this Predictions stuff should be put into a 
mailing list, just like the Celtic Fans mailing list, or the e-mail football
list?

It would save a fair bit of bandwidth and at the same time mean I don't have 
to read them (Damn pesky "K" button!) 8-)

Seriously though, a regular posting of requests for new members would be 
enough for me, even a regular update on who is in the lead, but everyone
posting results is a bit much, especially with a world distribution.

At least consider it please. Although going by the usual amount of
listening which goes on in here I doubt if it will do much good.

Cheers,

Graham McDermott
:wq
ZZ
exit
Damn how do you get out of this pesky edito
From: dwb@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Dave Baines)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: English Non-League review
Date: 15 Dec 92 14:21:36 GMT
Reply-To: dwb@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Dave Baines)
Organization: Department of Computer Science, University of Edinburgh

Well I've just got the latest Team Talk so here is a quick English non-league
review. Its not been a good period for Gresley, losing 3 out of 4 league
matches, however they are still on top, just. In the next round of the Vase
(16th Jan) they have been drawn at home against Bridgnorth Town, so they
have a chance to get revenge for the home league defeat (They must have beaten
Burnham in the previous round but I dont know the result, the beat Rushden &
Diamonds 3-1 at home in a second round replay before that). Sutton Coldfield
(stiil unbeaten in 8th place) and Nuneaton Borough look like Gresley's major
threats in the league.

27th Oct GR 1 - 2 Bridgnorth Town
 7th Nov Dudley Town 2 - 5 GR
14th Nov GR 3 - 5 Newport AFC
28th Nov GR 2 - 3 Grantham Town

Table for Beazer Midland at 28th Nov
			P	W	D	L	F	A	Pts
Gresley Rovers		14	10	0	4	40	20	30
Evesham Utd		17	9	2	6	32	33	29
Redditch United		17	8	3	6	30	28	27
Nuneaton Borough	11	8	2	1	29	11	26

Sutton Coldfield	9	7	2	0	27	14	23

In the GM Vauxhall Conference Wycombe Wanderers still lead from Slough Town.
In the Beazer Premier Trowbridge Town lead Dover Athletic but Dover are
unbeaten with 5 games in hand. In the Beazer Southern Gravesend & Northfleet
lead Sudbury Town, Buckingham Town and Sittingbourne both have games in hand
and only one defeat so they could be the ones to watch.
Morcambe lead Southport by a point in the HFS Premier but Southport have 5
games in hand. Accrington Stanley are in mid table but with a few games in
hand on the leaders. In the HFS first Bridlington Town lead Guiseley.
Chesham have an 11 point lead over Enfield at the top of the Diadora Premier,
Hitchin top Div 1, Ruislip Manor, Metropolitan Police, Malden Vale and
Egham Town are tied at the top of Div 2 while Aldershot Town are 12 points
clear of Collier Row in Div 3.
The only surviving 100% records are Canvey Island in the Essex Senior League
(P10, W10, F25, A4, Pts 30) and Forest Hall of the McEwans Northern Alliance
(P15, L15, F12, A71, Pts 0)

Dave
From: centonzs@dcs.gla.ac.uk (centonzs)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: >>
Date: 14 Dec 92 17:53:16 GMT
Organization: Glasgow University Computing Science Dept.
X-To: rec.sport.soccer
Return-Path: <centonzs@dcs.gla.ac.uk>
X-Mailer: mail-news 2.0.5


In <1992Nov9.230420.7680@cbfsb.cb.att.com> jcostas@cbnewsb.cb.att.com (constantinos.n.tsioras) writes:

|With the Premier League one third of the way through it looks as if
|Arsenal and Aston Villa will be the title contenders as far as traditional

Even though I am a Villa fan I do not think the Villa Squad will stand up
to well to a key injury!

|Villa have a good manager in Big Ron who has staffed the team with some
|players that are capable of sustaining a continuous chalenge on the title.
|Paul McGrath, Kevin Richardson, Ray Houghton and Cyril Regis are the 

McGrath will probably finish this season and then Earl Barratt can move
to central deffense and we get left with [start even worse spelling] Darius
Kub*...? at Right back.

Good god I hope not, Kubicki(or whatever) is the slowest player I have ever 
seen play for Villa. He is quite skillful, but he is so slow that the 
opposition can get about half a dozen tackles in.

You also seem to be forgetting a certain Steve Frogatt, who aint bad.
Also the young German player Breikruetz (I think its spelt like that !)
is a very good player indeed.

The Villa squad is a bit stronger than you allow yourself to admit. We
are playing stunning football, and thats  without Tony Daley remember. Last season
far too much reliance was placed on his inspiration/luck. When things
got a bit bad all Villa would do was get the ball to Daley, which
isn't a bad thing, but I think other teams had sussed it out well before
the end of the season !!

 The most worrying thing has been how leaky the defence became when
Teale was out injured. This is usually an important factor in winning the
championship, ie keeping the defence together. There was nothing wrong
with our defence last season, and not much wrong with it this season.
Just hope the goals won't dry up !

 Small is good, but that Ugo whatisname isn't half a dopey player !!
Whenever I've seen him play he has this unfortunate tendency to 
daydream !!

  However I am quite optimistic at this stage for Villas' chances, mainly
cos our defence is much tighter than Norwich or Ars*n*ls.

 Not that I'm biased or anything.!!

Salv C.
From: x89olarte1@gw.wmich.edu
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Sao Paulo beats Barca. YEEEEEEEEHAAA!!!!
Date: 14 Dec 92 03:40:38 EST
Organization: Western Michigan University

I can't help showing my satisfaction for the victory of Sao Paulo over
Barcelona.

      YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

HALA MADRID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"If Barcelona losses Real Madrid wins"

Tomorrow i'm celebrating!!

Enrique.
From: darf@drutx.ATT.COM (DarflerGL)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Team Management Software
Keywords: DOS PC386
Date: 17 Dec 92 21:04:53 GMT
Distribution: rec
Organization: AT&T, Denver, CO

Greetings
Some assoicates and I are looking for a DOS based system that is designed
for Team management. We are Coaches and the like involved in running
Youth Competitive teams. We are developing a list of requirements such as
the program having the ability for Rosters, pactice and game schedules,
financial etc. I decided to post this artical before re-inventing the 
wheel hoping someone else could point us in the right direction. 
I have gone to several software houses and looked in Soccer America for
a product and have not been successful yet. 

Any help would be appreciated.

                          Jerry Darfler

P.S. some of the associates have access to a MAC
if you know something that works there.
From: PKARLIOT%KNOX.BITNET@UICVM.UIC.EDU
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Re: Sao Paulo beats Barca. YEEEEEEEEHAAA!!!!
Date: 14 Dec 1992 15:14:43 -0600
Organization: UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway
NNTP-Posting-Host: cs.utexas.edu

      I am very happy too!!!  When Barcelona loses, I am very happy!!!!!!!!!!
Now, how can Real Madrid catch them in the league standings??
      G O  R E A L  M A D R I D !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                               Panos
From: javhar@wsinfo03.win.tue.nl (Jack v Rijswijck)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.soccer
Subject: Re: top ten teams in the world
Date: 14 Dec 92 10:39:12 GMT
Reply-To: javhar@win.tue.nl

girault@imag.fr (Alain Girault) writes:

>Here is my top 10 teams in the world:

>1.  Holland

>Sorry, no Denmark : actually remember that during EURO'92, they played five
>matches, one lost, one draw, and three won : that doesn't make them in the 
>top ten since they were almost inexistant before (they didn't qualified in 
>the regular way), and have been inexistant since then (look at their poor
>performances in the WC'94 qualifying matches).

Of course I TOTALLY agree with this, except for the fact that Denmark
won three games. They DIDN'T beat Oranje! The actual outcome was 2-2,
and they then won the lottery. Oranje were the only unbeaten team: 2
victories (against Scotland and Germany) and 2 draws (Denmark and the
CIS, but van Basten was *never* offside!).

I'm sorry, you Danes, because I liked the team in 1984 & 1986, but
winning the EC without even qualifying, and with 2 wins 2 draws 1 lost
wasn't really convincing.

+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
|         Jack van Rijswijck                javhar@win.tue.nl          |
|         Eindhoven University of Technology, the Netherlands          |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
| this is a crisis. a large crisis. in fact, if you've got a moment,   |
| it's a twelve storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall,        |
| carpeting throughout, twenty-four hour service and an enormous sign  |
| on the roof saying `this is a large crisis'.                         |
|                                            captain edmund blackadder |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+