From: glenn@moeng2.morgan.edu (D. Glenn Arthur Jr.)
Subject: Re: CD'ing when you have children
Summary: Okay, so they're not _my_ kids...
Keywords: D'Glenn's life
Organization: The Space-Time Fabrication Institute, Rockville, MD.
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 23:09:19 GMT

First some personal experience and observation, then some random
ramblings.

In article <1993Jan12.144640.7004@fuug.fi> an1167@anon.penet.fi (Rita) writes:
>
>Lots of people out there talk about CD'ing, and how supportive or
>unsupportive their spouses are.  My question is - what if you have
>kids?  

This may or may not be what you want to hear -- after all, they're not
_my_ children, but I do have some relevant experience...

I live with a married couple and their two daughters.  (Some of you may 
have run into Wildstar or Lothie in other newsgroups.  I define a high 
tech household as one in which it's easier to send one's housemates email 
than to leave notes on the 'fridge.)  Before this, I lived with them _and_
a handfull of other folks in a larger but more crowded house.

I'm also pretty darned "out".  That is to say, except for going to work 
and going to visit my parents and attending medeival events, I wear a
skirt.  So the children do see me dressed fairly often.

It hasn't been a problem.  When I wear something especially nice, one
or both will usually comment that I look pretty.  Once in a while the
younger one will say something like, "You're a _boy_," and somewhat less
often follow it with, "How come you're wearing a dress?"  I just explain
that I know I'm a boy, but I like to wear dresses, and she seems unconfused
and unconcerned.  As a matter of fact, most of the time they both take
my crossdressing for granted.  After all, it's _usual_ around our house
for me to be crossdressed.

>Small kids might not be too bad, because you can "indulge" at night
>after they are in bed, but what about when they're older?  

Well, I'm not hiding my crossdressing from the kids so I'm not worried
about their finding out when they get older, but it will be interesting
to see how things develop as society has more input into their attitudes.
Currently one's in second grade and the other hasn't started kindergarten
yet. 

(In response to the "little pitchers have big mouths" comment in another
article, I'm not particularly worried about whom they mention it to.  As
out as I am, who's left to tell?)

>I've seen things on TV showing a CD'er with hir entire family watching 
>hir put on makeup, and they didn't seem to have any hangups about it, but 
>I wonder if that isn't a pretty rare situation.

I don't know.  How rare is it for a TV to be so out to his family, and
so comfortable with himself, for long enough that his family is comfortable
with his TVism too?  

I _expect_ that that's what would count.  I don't really know.


=========================

Someday I want to have children of my own.  I wish I could bear a child
myself, but what with that Y chromosome and all I'll probably have to 
settle for fathering children.  (Though I sometimes wonder whether even
that will come to pass, as I keep falling in love with women who don't
want children.)  So I've given some thought and much worry to the
question of what kind of parent I'll make and how my transvestism might
affect my children, especially if I have a son.  I don't think going
back in the closet for sixteen years or so would work -- not only do
too many people already know, but I don't think I could do that 
anyhow.  I've never been very good with closets, even when I was in
them.

Would having me as a father warp my children by providing them a
very nonstandard male role model?  I think so less and less as I
think about it more.  Especially as I learn how bad much of the
"normal" family is for children.  On the other hand, I'm sure it
would expose my children to an extra dose of taunts from other 
children -- unless I was so active in the community that the
other children around also saw me as familiar and saw my crossdressing
as usual.  Is it my duty as a hypothetical father to protect my
children as much as possible from such taunts?  Or rather to teach them
how to deal with taunting and to give them the tools, the security,
the confidence, and the love, to do so?

One thing I'm still wondering about a bit -- how would I react if
I had a son and he wanted to "wear what Daddy wears"?  Assume for
the moment that my hypothetical son does not seem to be TV or TS,
but simply wants to imitate Dad.  I don't even know how likely
such a scenario is, but it's one that leaps to mind as a possibly
sticky bit of parenting.  I think I know what I'd do, but I'm not
sure.

Of course, in the unlikely event that I have a TV or TS child, 
I hope that having a TV father would be an asset to him or her.


So all in all, I too wonder a bit about how my TVism might affect 
my children, if I ever have any.  But as time goes on and I watch
Wildstar & Lothie's kids grow, and see how they deal with me, I 
find the prospect less scary.  If it ever happens, I think it'll 
work out alright.  I'm sure it'll work out better than if I waited
for them to discover me hiding in my closet.

After all, I may not be the father of the two darling girls I'm
watching grow up, but I seem to be part of the family.  And as
far as I can tell, it's not hurting them.



-- 
D. Glenn Arthur Jr.          The Human Vibrator              glenn@digex.com
"Being a _man_ means knowing that one has a choice not to act like a 'man'."

There is now a TV/TS newsgroup, alt.transgendered.  (I'd hoped for a soc.*
group, but oh well...)  

Newsgroups: alt.transgendered