From: twillis@ace.syr.edu.npac.syr.edu (Thomas Willis)
Subject: Re: Attn: Women, is the sensisitve guy good?
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 93 02:42:39 EST

Cari wrote:
: I also want to say that the reason I used "appear" in the first paragraph
: above when I said "appear to be uncaring brutes" is because I think
: some of those who come off looking that way aren't devoid of sensitivity.
: I have gone out with a few people who did seem to fit the "uncaring
: brute" description outwardly, but when we got past that appearance
: that was often put up for a variety of reasons (peers, insecurities,
: whatever), there was some sensitivity underneath all that and a
: lot of other nice qualities....

Let me predicate this by saying that Cari's statements are
completely valid and rational, but every silver lining has a cloud...

Recap of subject: DO PEOPLE PREFER MORAL CRIPPLES TO SENSITIVE FOLKS 

2 cases:

	1) A beautiful young girl I met as a freshman was so into
		muscles, that she went out with this extremely handsome
		and well build complete loser that lived on my floor.  He beat
		her up ("oh, but he was drunk when he did that, he didn't
		MEAN it.") later date-raped her, etc...  There I was,
		putting icepacks on her eyes, consoling her, giving moral
		support (not to mention advice :"What the f* are you
		doing with him?"), but whenever he was around, her heart
		would be all aflutter.

		She and I still talk on the phone alot, and she almost
		never fails to bring up how "Wuuuunderfullll" he was.
		That f*ing RANKLES!!!  Moral of the Story: it happens.

	2) The beauty pagent babe.  I'll make this short -- I gave
		her ALOT of leeway because I wanted her personality
		to be as beautiful as her body.  She abused that leeway
		for years.  Superficially, and at a deep, deep level
		she was self-centered and uncaring.  I, alas, tricked myself
		into believing it just wasn't the case.  (This is not a
		stereotype of beuatiful women or beauty-contest winners --
		merely a case study.)  Moral of the Story: Guys do it too.
	

	3) I have more examples, but I think I'll pipe them to the
		net.therapy.rant.rant.rant group.

My Solution:

	Most people are easliy enamoured by confident, good-looking
people and (I believe) the majority will prefer this to a caring-
average looking person, regardless of personality.  So, what I did
was just think about how f*ing outrageous life is while I pounded
away at the heavy bag, did calesthinics, and jogged.  I acted like a
brash ass, as pompous as possible, sat back and waited, a sheep in
wolf's clothing.  I'm in a new town, so everybody thinks that's
how I rally am.  The results were no worse than whan I was a 20
year old, 98-pound, bleeding heart knight in shining armor.  Girls
approached me at the bar!  (Cross post that to alt.heart.attack).

	Postscript: 6 weeks ago, I said f* it all, gave up working
out and started chain smoking again.  I still often act like an ass,
because it's really fun -- it's cool when all your acqauintences
in a 50 mile radius think your a deranged genius :)  I did, however,
decide that my "Mr. Sensitive" routine, i.e. my personality, was
not as effective as 150 pushups a day in the quest for romance.

	I figure that getting girls isn't as important as doing "my
thang" and being myself.  Check that -- I mean it isn't as fun.
Most of us happen to have occasional en-passant relationships, 
without expanding any energy in making it happen.  True, it doesn't
happen as often as on "Star Trek" planets, but it happens.  Well,
I guess I've made my point.  I'll make sure to Xpost this to
(alt.violins.in.the.background and alt.blackmail.me.please.please.please).

										caio,
										tj








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