From: tma4@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (TERRY MICHAEL AUSPITZ)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Re; Rocky Horror Script
Date: 9 Oct 92 03:33:05 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <1992Oct5.162105.27@cuphub.cup.edu>, arr9734@cuphub.cup.edu writes:
>If anybody has it please post the Script for either the Rocky Horror Picture
>Show or The Rocky Horror Show(Stage Play)
>               The Grey Wizard
>

Glad to help out! Please keep my .sig attached.

---- ORIGINAL FILE -----

  This copy was obtained (rather indirectly) from the Dartmouth College
  Computing Center.  Rumour has it that it was typed in from the movie
  but, as it occured some while ago, no one is really sure of its origins.

  Official TLA Audience Participation Lines added by
  Captain "Jesus H. Dancin'" Infinity, III


The Rocky Horror Picture Show
=============================

[ Props: (in some sort of order)
  Rice
  Bouquet (opt)
  Rings (opt)
  Newspaper (pref. Plain Dealer)
  Water (squirt gun, or whatever)
  Bic Lighter (failing which, another source of light)
  Doughnuts (opt)
  Rubber Gloves (opt)
  Noisemaker
  Confetti (torn newpapers will suffice)
  Toilet Paper (pref. Scott)
  Toast
  Party Hat
  Bell
  Frankfurters (opt)
  Sponges (opt)
  Cards
  Paper Airplanes

General Information:

  Audience instructions are in square brackets.  Text in quotes is to be
  shouted.  The instruction 'Echo' indicates that the following lines are to be
  shouted in unison with the film.

  Whenever Brad appears, or, especially, introduces himself, the line
  "Asshole!" is appropriate.  Almost the same is appropriate for Janet,
  but instead say "Slut!" and someone esle use the line "Not yet give
  her time!"  Whenever Narrator (Charles Gray) appears, the
  following lines and variants are appropriate: "He's got no neck!";
  "Bo-ring!"; "Charles Gray, he's O.K.!".  Dr. Scott may be booed.


SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE
------------------------------
[at opening bars of music, "Lips!" until lips appear ("Thank You")]


Usherette(lips):
  Michael Rennie was ill
  The Day the Earth Stood Still
  But he told us where we stand.   ["On our feet!"]
  And Flash Gordon was there
  In silver underwear,
  Claude Rains was the Invisible Man.  ["But he never showed up!]
  Then something went wrong
  For Fay Wray and King Kong;
  They got caught in a celluloid jam.  ["My favorite kind!" or echo "Sexual
jam. 69!"]
  Then at a deadly pace
  It Came From... ["where?"] Outer Space.
  And this is how the message ran:
  ["Freeze those lips!"]

Chorus:
  Science fiction, double feature.
  Dr. X will build a creature.
  See androids fighting ["And fucking!  And Sucking on!"] Brad and Janet
  Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet  ["The sequel to Deep Throat!"]
  Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
  At the late night, double feature, picture show.

Usherette(lips):
  I knew Leo G. Carrol
  Was over a barrel  [echo "Was fucking a barrel"]
  When Tarantula took to the hills. ["Lick it!"]
  And I really got hot
  When I saw Jeanette ["'s Twat!"] Scott
  Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.  [echo "A dildo that spits cum
and thrills."]
  Dana Andrews said Prunes
  Gave him the runes
  And passing them used lots of skills.
  But When Worlds Collide,  [Clap your hands together on the word collide.]
  Said George Powell to his bride,
  "I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills,"
  Like a...
  [("X-ray!")]

Chorus:
  Science fiction, double feature
  Doctor X will build a creature.
  See androids fighting Brad and Janet
  Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
  Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
  At the late night, double feature, picture show.

  I wanna go
  Oh Oh Oh
  To the late night double feature picture show,
  By RKO,
  Oh Oh Oh
  To the late night double feature picture show,
  In the back row, [front row: "Fuck the back row!"]
       [back row:  "Yay Back Row!" (general cheers) or "Fuck the front row!"]
  Oh Oh Oh
  To the late night, double feature, picture show!

------------------------------

Dentonian:  Here they come! (Dentonians cheer and throw rice) [throw RICE]

Photographer: Let's get a picture.  Close together now.  The folks and then
  the grandparents. Just of the close family.  Ahhh, hold that.  Beautiful.
  And... (snap)

Ralph:      I guess we finally did it, huh.

Brad:       I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have
  been almost inseparable since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher class.

Ralph:      Well to tell you the truth, Brad, that's the only reason I
  showed up in the first place. (chuckles)

Betty:      O.K. you guys, this is it. (everyone screams)

Ralph:      Well Betty's going to throw the bouquet.  [throw BOUQUET]

Janet:      ["Who's got syph?"] I got it!  I got it!

Ralph:      Hey big fella, looks like it could be your turn next, eh?  ["How
       would you know?"]

Brad:       Who knows. ["The Shadow knows!"]

Ralph:      Well, so long, see you Brad.  Guess we better get get going now
  Bett.  Come on, hop in.  (they drive away)

Janet:      Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful?  Wasn't Betty radiantly beautiful?
  I can't believe it.  An hour ago she was just plain old Betty Monroe
  and now...

  ["Now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapshatt!"] now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapshatt.

  ["HapSHIT!"]

  ["I'd rather be Betty Monroe!"]

Brad:       Yes Janet, Ralph is a lucky guy.
            ["No he's not, she's got syph!"]

Janet:      Yes.

Dentonian:  I always cry at weddings.  ["So do I!" or "What the fuck do you
  do at funerals, bitch?!" or "What do you do laugh at funerals, bitch?!"]

Brad:       Everyone knows that Betty is a wonderful little cook.
  ["Yes, and she's a great little fuck, too!"]

Janet:      Yes.

Brad:       Why Ralph himself, he'll be up for a promotion in a year or two.
  ["If he doesn't get busted!"]

Janet:      Yes.


       DAMMIT JANET
------------------------------
Brad:       Hey Janet.

Janet:      Yes Brad?

Brad:       I've got something to say.  ["Say it, asshole!"]

Janet:      Uh huh.

Brad:       I really love the... ["Starts with an S..."] skillful way... you
  beat the other girls... ["With whips and chains?"] to the bride's bouquet.

Janet:      Oh Brad.

  ["Sing it, Brad!(Asshole)"]

  [audience echoes 'Janet's, 'Oh Brad's, 'Dammit, Janet's]

Brad:
  The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)
  The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet)
  So please, don't tell me to can it. (Janet)
  I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you.
  [echo "Dammit, Janet let's go screw."]

  The road was long but I ran it. (Janet)
  There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet)
  If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)
  I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you.
  [echo "Dammit, Janet let's go screw.']

  Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.
  There's three ways that love can grow.
  That's good, bad, or mediocre.
  Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so. [echo "I love your hole."]
  ["Don't drop it!"]

Janet:
  Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had. (Oh Brad)
  Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad)
  That you met [echo "Fucked"]Mom and you know [echo "blew"}Dad. (Oh Brad)
  I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too.

  Oh Brad...

Brad:       Oh... dammit.  [echo "Shit!"]

Janet:      I'm mad...

Brad:       Oh, Janet.  ["Shit!"]

Janet:      For you.

Brad:       I love you too.  [echo "I love to screw."]

Brad & Janet: There's one thing left to do - ah - oo.

Brad:
  And that's go see the man who began it. (Janet)
  When we met in his science exam - it (Janet)
  Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Janet)
  Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you.  [echo "Lets
go screw."]
  Dammit, Janet.

Janet:      Oh Brad, I'm mad.

Brad:       Dammit, Janet.

Brad & Janet: I love you.  [echo "Lets go screw!"]

[Scream as the cross shows up and make an upside down cross, with your fingers,
towards the screen.]
----------------------------

Narrator:   I would like, ah, if I may, ["You may!"] ...to take you on a
  strange journey ["how starnge was it?  It was so starnge they made a movie
  about it, a movie not a book!"].  It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad
Majors his
  fiancee Janet Weiss, two young, normal, healthy kids, left Denton that late
  November evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott, ex-tutor, now friend to both
  of them.  It's true there were dark storm clouds.  ["Adjectives, please!" or
  "Describe your balls!"] heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they were
  driving.  It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly
  in need of some air, ["so is your neck!"] but, uh, they being normal kids, on
a night out...
  well, they weren't going to let a storm spoil the rest their evening, were
  they?  It was a night out... ["what kind] a dark stormy night...  that they
  were going to remember... ["How long?"] for a very long time.

Janet:      Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us.
  They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the
  weather and all.

  ["Say something stupid, Brad(Asshole)!"]

Brad:       Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type. ["Asshole!"]

Janet:      Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling?

Brad:       We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back. ["You took
  the salad fork!"]

Janet:      Oh, but where did that motorcyclist come from?

Brad:       Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.
      ["Don't back up!"]  (BOOM)  ["Asshole!"]

Janet:      Oh! What was that bang? ["It was a gangbang you bitch!"]

Brad:       We must have a blowout.  DAMMIT! [clap hands when he hits car
  seat] I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed. ["Asshole!"]  Well,
  you just stay here keep warm and I'll go for help.

Janet:      But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?

Brad:       ["Try the castle!"] ...Didn't we pass a castle back down the road
  a few miles?  Maybe they have a telephone we could use.
  ["Castles don't have telephones, asshole!"]

Janet:      I'm going with you.

Brad:       Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.
            ["She already is!"]

Janet:      I'm coming with you!  Besides darling, the owner of that phone
  might be a beautiful woman, ["He is!"] and you might never come back

Brad:       Heh, heh, heh, heh.

  [they get out of the car "Kick it!".  NEWSPAPERS over heads, squirt
   the virgins sitting in front of you]


  OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE
----------------------------------
[After Janet passes through the gate "Take four steps, turn and sing bitch!"]

Janet:
  In the velvet darkness,
  Of the blackest night,
  Burning bright, there's a guiding star.
  ["Will you fuck anybody?"]
  No matter what or who you are.

Brad & Janet: There's a light... [light MATCHES on 'light']

Chorus:     Over at the Frankenstein place.

Brad & Janet: There's a light...

Chorus:     Burning in the fireplace...
            [echo "Burning down the fucking place"]

  [MATCHES out on 'darkness' - "Darkness!" if any lights still on]
Brad & Janet: There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.

  ["Sing it, Riff (Raff)!"]

Riff Raff:
  The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming.  Flow morphia slow,
  let the sun and light come streaming Into my life.  Into my life...

Brad & Janet: There's a light...  [MATCHES again]

Chorus:     Over at the Frankenstein place.

Brad & Janet: There's a light...

Chorus:     Burning in the fireplace.
  There's a light, a light

Brad & Janet: [off at 'Darkness'] ...in the darkness of everybody's life.

  (in the stage version right after the first chorus Brad has this extra
  verse:

Brad:
  I can see the flag fly
  I can see the rain
  Just the same, there has got to be
  Something better here for you and me.

  (repeat chorus))

Narrator:   And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and
  that they had found the assistance that their plight required.
  ["Or had they?"] ...Or had they?

Janet:      Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and frightened...

Brad:       Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone.
  (doorbell rings, door creaks open)

Riff Raff:  Hello. ["Hello"]

Brad:       Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss.
  I wonder if you could help us.  You see, our car broke down a few miles up
  the road... do you have a phone we might use?

Riff Raff:  You're wet. ["No shit, Sherlock!"]

Janet:      ["Are you a virgin?"] Yes, ["Why?"] it's raining. ["No shit,
  Janet!"]

Brad:       ["Are you an asshole?"] Yes.

Riff Raff:  ["Are you stoned?"] Yes... I think perhaps you better both come
  inside.  ["Better than coming outside!"]

Janet:      ["How kind is he?"] You're too kind. ["No, he's not"]
  Oh Brad, I'm frightened.  What kind of a place is this?

Brad:       Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.
  ["No it's not, rich wierdos are out of season!"]

Janet:      Oh (forlornly)

Riff Raff:  ["Which way?"] This way.

Janet:      Are you having a party?

  ["What kind of night is it?"]

Riff Raff:  You've arrived on a very special night.  It's one of the
  master's affairs.  ["Which one?"]

Janet:      Oh lucky him.

  [echo next line ("You're lucky... ha ha ha ha ha")]

Magenta:    You're lucky, He's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha
  ha ha ["The banister's lucky!"]


       THE TIME WARP
----------------------------
Riff Raff:
  It's astounding;
  Time is fleeting;  ["No it's not, it's ticking!"]
  Madness takes its toll.
  But listen closely...

Magenta:    Not for very much longer.

Riff Raff:
  I've got to keep control.
  I remember doing the time-warp
  Drinking those moments when
  The darkness would hit me

Riff & Magenta: And a void would be calling...

Transylvanians:
  Let's do the time-warp again.
  Let's do the time-warp again.

  [Here are the instructions: DO IT!]

Narrator:   It's just a jump to the left.

All:        And then a step to the right.

Narrator:   With your hands on your hips. [echo "tits" instead of "hips"]

All:
  You bring your knees in tight. ["2... 4... 6... 8... uh"]
  But it's the pelvic thrust  ["Group sex, group sex, group sex!"]
  That really drives you insane.

  Let's do the time-warp again.
  Let's do the time-warp again.


Magenta:
  It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.
  So you can't see me, ["Do you douche?"] No, not at all.
  In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention,
  ["Where's your tits?"]
  Well secluded, I see all.

Riff Raff:  With a bit of a mind flip

Magenta:    You're into the time slip.

Riff Raff:  And nothing can ever be the same.

Magenta:    You're spaced out on sensation.

Riff Raff:  Like you're under sedation.

All:
  Let's do the time-warp again.
  Let's do the time-warp again.

Columbia:
  Well I was walking down the street just having a think
  When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
  He shook me up, he took me by surprise
  He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.
  He stared at me and I felt a change.
  Time meant nothing, never would again.

All:
  Let's do the time-warp again.
  Let's do the time-warp again.

Narrator:   It's just a jump to the left.

All:        And then a step to the right.

Narrator:   With your hands on your hips.  [echo "tits" instead of "hips"]

All:
  You bring your knees in tight.  ["2... 4... 6... 8... uh"]
  But it's the pelvic thrust  ["Group sex, group sex, group sex!"]
  That really drives you insane.

  Let's do the time-warp again.
  Let's do the time-warp again.

  (Columbia tap-dances  [just before she hits the stairs "Watch out for the
stairs!"]

All:
  Let's do the time-warp again.
  Let's do the time-warp again.

Narrator:   It's just a jump ["off your desk"] to the left.

All:        And then a step to the right.

Narrator:   With your hands on your hips.  [echo "tits" instead of "hips"]

All:
  You bring your knees in tight.  ["2... 4... 6... 8... uh"]
  But it's the pelvic thrust  ["Group sex, group sex, group sex!"]
  that really drives you insane.

  Let's do the time-warp again.
  Let's do the time-warp again.

  [As everyone falls to the groud "Only virgins go all the way down!"]
-------------------------------------

  ["Say something stupid, Brad!(Asshole)"]

Janet:      Brad, say something.  (whispered)

Brad:       Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison? ["Asshole!"]

Janet:      Brad, please, let's get out of here.

Brad:       For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.

  (music cue softly at first, crescendo up) [tap/clap in time to Frank]

Janet:      But it... it seems so unhealthy here.

Brad:       It's just a party, Janet.

Janet:      Well - I want to go.

Brad:       Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.

Janet:      Well then ask the butler or someone.

Brad:       Just a moment, Janet - we don't want to interfere
  with their celebration.

Janet:      This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.

Brad:       They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own.
  They may do some more folk dancing.

Janet:      Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared.

Brad:       I'm here - there's nothing to worry about


     SWEET TRANSVESTITE
-----------------------------
Frank:
  How do you do, I
  See you've met my
  Faithful handyman.

  He's just a little brought down
  Because when you knocked
  He thought you were the candyman.

  Don't get strung out by the way I look.
  Don't judge a book by its cover.
  I'm not much of a man by the light of day
  But by night I'm one hell of a lover.  ["Throw it!"]

  I'm just a [echo "great big sissy"] sweet transvestite
  From Transexual, Transylvania.

  Let me show you around
  Maybe play you a sound.
  You look like you're both pretty groovy.
  Or if you want something visual
  That's not too abysmal,
  We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.  ["Who the hell is Steve Reeves?"]

Brad:
  I'm glad we caught you at home,
  Could we use your phone?
  We're both in a bit of a hurry.

Janet:      [echo 'Right'] Right.

Brad:
  We'll just say where we are,
  Then go ["fuck in the car"] back to the car.
  We don't want to be any worry.

Frank:
  Well you got with a flat, well, [echo] how 'bout that?
  Well, babies, don't you panic.
  By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
  I'll get you a satanic mechanic.

  I'm just a sweet transvestite
  From Transexual, Transylvania.

  Why don't you stay for the night?

Riff Raff:  [echo] Night.

Frank:      Or maybe a bite?

Columbia:   [echo] Bite.

Frank:
  I could show you my favourite ["Sexual"] obsession.
  I've been making a man ["What's he like?"]
  With blond hair ["You call that blond?"] and a tan ["You call that a tan?"]
  And he's good for relieving my... ["Sexual"] ...tension

  I'm just a sweet transvestite
  From Transexual, Transylvania.
  [echo] HIT IT, HIT IT!
  I'm just a sweet transvestite

Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite

Frank:      From Transexual,

Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.

Frank:
  So - come up to the lab,
  And see what's on the slab.  [echo "And fuck on the slab!"]
  I see you shiver with antici - (3 seconds) ["SAY IT!"] - pation.
  But maybe the rain
  Isn't really to blame.
  So I'll remove the cause. (chuckles) ["What about the symptom?"]
  But not the symptom.

  (applause) (Brad and Janet are given towels and both say thank you)

  (Columbia and Riff Raff start to undress Brad and Janet)

Janet:      Oh!  Brad!

Brad:       It's all right Janet.  We'll play along for now and pull
  out the aces when the time is right. ["Nice aces!"]

Columbia:   Slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush.

Brad:       Hi, my name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee,
  Janet Weiss; you are...

Columbia:   You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory.
  Some people would give their right arm for the priviledge. ["Take mine!"]

Brad:       People like you maybe.

Columbia:   Ha! I've seen it.
  ["Hey Brad, grap something important, like a shoe!"]

  (Riff Raff pours wine into a glass, takes a swig from the bottle, an
  lets it drop after Columbia says "Shift it" ["Drop it!"])

Riff Raff:  Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting.

Columbia:   Shift it.

  (Janet screeches - the elevator goes up)

Janet:      Is he your husband?

Riff Raff:  The master is not yet married, nor do I expect he ever shall be.
  We are simply his ["Slaves"] servants.

Janet:      Oh.

  ["Sluts first ... Assholes second... Servants, Groupies, and Weirdos
  third, fourth, and fifth" schtick]

Frank:      ["What's your favorite color?"] Magenta, ["Where do you get your
  pot?"] Columbia, go assist Riff Raff.  I will entertain ...uh huh huh...
  (chuckles)  ["The camera man."]

Brad:       Brad Majors.  And this is my fiancee, Janet "Vice". ["Weisssss"]

Janet:      Weiss.

Brad:       Weiss? um

Frank:      ["Say something in French"] Enchante.

  (Janet giggles)

Frank:      Well! how nice.  And what charming underclothes you both have.
  But here.  Put these (smocks) on.  They'll make you feel less ["Naked"]
  vulnerable.  It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer
  them... hospitality.  ["Horsepitality?"]

  ["It's a bird!"]

Brad:       Hospitality!?  All we asked was to use your telephone,
  Goddammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore.

  ["It's a plane!"]

Janet:      Brad, don't be ungrateful.

Brad:       Ungrateful! [when Brad removes his glasses, "It's Superasshole!"]

Frank:      How forceful you are, Brad.  Such a perfect specimen of manhood.
  So... dominant (crowd has flurry of laughs).  You must be awfully proud
  of him, Janet.

Janet:      ["Lie, Janet"] Well, yes I am. (giggles)

Frank:      Do you have any tattoos, Brad?

Brad:       Certainly not!

Frank:      ["Ask Janet"] Oh well, how about you. (to Janet)

Janet:      No. (giggling)  ["What about the battleship?"]

Riff Raff:  Everything is in readiness, master.  We merely await your
  (pause) word.

Frank:      Tonight, my unconventional conventionalists... you are about to
  witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and paradise i be
  mine... It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you get a break...
  whole pieces start to fit into place, not a sign of being..  what a fool!
  The answer was there all the time, it took a small accident to make it
  happen... ["An accident?"] AN ACCIDENT

Magenta & Columbia: An accident!

Frank:      And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient,
  that SPARK that is the breath of life... ["Do you have that knowledge?"]
  Yes, I have that knowledge... ["Do you know the secret?"] I know the
  secret... ["To life?"] to life... ["Itself?"] itself!  (applause) [Applause]

  You are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is
  destined to be BORN!  (Magenta and Columbia take hold of the cloth)

  Up now! ...throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator... and step up
  the reactor power [echo] THREE MORE POINTS!  [or echo "THREE
  MORE TRIANGLES!"]

  (colorful fluids, etc. in order Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo
  Violet [Philadelphians should start singing Captain Noah theme song]
  [Ask "Is it soup yet?" several times, and then, "Now it is!"]

  (Rocky emits some gutteral garbage)

Frank:      Oh!  [echo] Rocky!


  THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES
-------------------------
Rocky:
  The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head,  ["Is that what you call that?"
]
  And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread.
  Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery.
  Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.

  I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.

All:        That ain't no crime.

Rocky:      And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread.

All:        That ain't no crime.

Rocky:
  My high is low, I'm dressed up with no place to go.
  And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.

All:        Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:      Oh ho no no

   (repeat until end --- Sha-la-la)

All:
  Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
  Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
  sha-la-la.

---------------------------

Frank:      Well really.  That's no way to behave on your first day out.
  ["Of the closet!"]

Rocky:      Ugh  Ugh  (forlornly like a puppy dog)

  ["forgive him!"]

Frank:      But since you're such an exceptional beauty, I am prepared to
  forgive you.

  ["Act like a seal, Rocky!"]

Rocky:      Ugh  Ugh  (applause) (Rocky [and audience] claps like a child)

Frank:      Oh, I just love success.

Riff Raff:  He's a credit to your genius, master.

Frank:      Yes.

Magenta:    A triumph of your will.

Frank:      Yes.

Columbia:   He's O.K.

  ["You screwed up, bitch!"]

Frank:      O.K. (smack) [clap] ["That's no way to kill roaches!"]
  O.K.!  I think we can do better than that.  Humph!
  ["Ask Brad and Janet!"] Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think of him?

  ["Lie through your teeth, Janet!"]

Janet:      Well, I don't like a man with too many muscles. ["Just one big
  one!"]

Frank:      I didn't make him... FOR YOU!  He carries the Charles Atlas
  seal of approval.


  I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part I)
---------------------------------

Frank:
  A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds
  Will get sand in his face
  When kicked ["in the groin"] to the ground;
  And soon in the gym with ["cum on his chin"] a determined chin,
  The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause
  Will make him glisten ...and gleam.
  And with massage, and just a little bit of steam, ["Go for it!"]
  He'll be pink and quite clean
  He'll be a strong man.  Oh honey...

All:        But the wrong man.

Frank:
  He'll eat nutritious high protein ["cum"].  And swallow raw eggs...
  Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs.
  Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
  In just seven days...

  ["And six long nights..."]

Frank & Transylvanians: I can make you ["a fag like your dad!"] a man.

Frank:
  He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk.
  He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.
  Such strenuous living I just can't understand,
  When in just seven days, oh baby, ...I can make you a man.

----------------------------------

  ["Watch out for the door!"]

Columbia:   EDDIE!


  HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MY SOUL)
--------------------------------

Eddie:
  Whatever happened to Saturday night,
  When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright?
  It don't seem the same since cosmic light
  Came into my life, I thought I was divine.
  I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go,
  And listen to the music on the radio;
  A saxophone was playing in a rock 'n roll show.
  You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good time.

  Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
                           [echo "Sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll"]
  Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
  Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
  Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

  My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled.
  My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.
  I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt
  And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine.
  Get back in front, put some hair oil on
  Buddy Holly was singing his very last song.
  With your arms around your girl you'd try to sing along.
  It felt pretty good. Woo You really had a good time.

  Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
                          [echo "sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll"]
  Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
  Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
  Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
   (... for a total of twelve times)

------------------------------

  (Frank attacks Eddie with an alpinist's pick)

  ["That's no way to pick your friends!" or "Picky, picky, picky" or "Stop
Hammer time"]

Frank:      One from the vaults. (chuckles)

Rocky:      Ugh...

Frank:      Oh baby... Don't be upset... ["What sort of a killing was it?"]
  It was a mercy killing... he had a certain naive charm, ["But what about
  muscle?"] but no muscle (Rocky flexes a bicep) ...Oh!


  I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part II)
----------------------------------

Frank:
  But a deltoid and a bicep.
  A hot groin and a tricep.
  Makes me, oooh, ["Fuck a midget!"] shake,
  Makes me want to Charles Atlas by the ["Balls!"] ...ha-ha-hand.

Frank & Transylvanians: In just seven days I can make you a man.

  ["and six long nights!"]

Frank:      I don't want no dissention, just dynamic tension.

  ["Sing it, bitch!"]

Janet:      And a muscle man.

Frank:      In just seven days, ["And six long nights!"] I can make you a man
 [echo "I can make you a fag like your dad!"]
  Dig it if you can
  In just seven days, ["And six long nights!"] I can make you a man. [echo "I
 can make you a fag like your dad!"]

  (Frank and Rocky's WEDDING MARCH)

---------------------------------

Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!  Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!
  Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! [throw Confetti]

Narrator:   There are those that say that life is an illusion, ["Like your
  neck?"] and that reality is but a figment of the imagination ["Like your
  neck?"].  If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe, ... however,
  the sudden departure of their host...and his creation...into the seclusion
  of his somber bridal suite had left them feeling both ["Horny!"]
  apprehensive, a feeling which grew as the other guests departed, and
  they were shown to their separate rooms.

  (Janet and Brad are shown to their rooms by Riff Raff and Magenta.)

  ["Pink is for girls... watch out for the basin ...
  He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake...
  He knows when you're masturbating, so don't do it!

  (yell "sit down" until Janet complies)

  and Blue is for Assholes!]

  (knock)

Janet:      Uhh! Who is it? Who's there?
Frank (as Brad): It's me Janet.

Janet:      ["Don't touch the hair!"] Oh, it's you!

Frank:      I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice...

Janet:      Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with Brad?

Frank:      Oh, well, nothing ["yet!"].  Why, do you think I should?

Janet:      You tricked...I wouldn't have...I've never..never... ["Virgin!"]

Frank:      Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it?  I think you really
  found it quite pleasurable.

Janet:      Oh, stop...I mean help...Brad Brad!..Oh Brad!!

Frank:      Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you
  like...This!

Janet:      Like this..like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to
  blame...Oh...  I was saving myself... ["For what?  A rainy day?  Take a look
  outside, bitch, it's pouring!"]

Frank:      Yes, but I'm sure you're not SPENT yet...

Janet:      Promise you won't tell Brad?

Frank:      Cross my heart and hope to die...  ["You will."]

  (assorted sexual noises)

  (Riff Raff scares Rocky with a candelabra, ["Have some fire, Scarecrow!"
  or "You light up my life"] Rocky runs away)

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here.  He'll destroy us.

Brad:       Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning.

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective. ["Don't touch her
  hair!"]

Brad:       Ah, ah, ah, oh YOU!

Frank:      I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice...

Brad:       Why YOU!  What have you done with Janet?  ["Fucked her brains
  out"]

Frank:      Nothing.  Why?  Do you think I should?  ["Liar!"]

Brad:       You tricked me, I wouldn't have...never...never...never...

Frank:      Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it?  Not even half
  bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it.

  (Brad starts moaning)

Frank:      Oh... so soft...

Brad:       Stop it...stop it...oh Janet...JANET!

  Frank:      Shhh! Janet's probably asleep by now, do you want her to see
  you...  like...this.

Brad:       Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame, I thought
  it was the real thing!

Frank:      Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you?  It isn't
  a crime to give yourself over to pleasure, Brad. ["It is in New Jersey!"]
  We've wasted so much time already...Janet needn't know, I won't tell.

Brad:       Well, promise you won't tell...

Frank:      On my mother's gra.oouuu..... ["Don't talk with your mouth full!"]

  (BEEPBEEPBEEP...)

Riff Raff:  Master, Rocky has broken his chains and vanished. Your
  new playmate is loose and somewhere on the grounds...Magenta has just
  released the dogs... ["And she's leading the pack."]

Frank:      mmmm? coming! ["So's Brad!"]

Janet:      Oh, Brad. Brad, my darling, how could I have done this to you?
  Oh!  ["It wasn't easy, with those pantyhose on!"] ["see!"]
  If only we hadn't made this journey... ["But you did!"]
  If only the hadn't broken down...  ["but it did!"]
  If only we were amongst friend ["But you're not!"]
  Or sane persons, ["Three out of four ain't bad!"]
  Oh Brad ["Get tough, Janet!"] Oh Brad, what have they done with him...
  ["nice handle"] ["There must be fifty ways to love your lever"]
  (she sees him on TV with Frank) Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How
  could you? ["It was easy: no pantyhose!"]

   (Rocky emits moans and general cries of pain)

Janet:      Oh, but you are hurt. ["Leave him alone, he's monsterbating."]
  Did they do this to you?  ["No, I did it to myself, bitch!"]
  I'll dress your wounds... ["He's got more wounds than you do a slip!"]
  baby there...let me make it all better.

  ["Hey Janet - wanna fuck? ...think about it ...and smile if you do!"]

Narrator:   Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind...Vehement or
  excited mental state.  It is also a powerful and irrational master...and
  from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on their television monitor
  there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed, ... its slave.

Magenta and Columbia: [echo] Tell us about it, Janet.


  TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME
  ------------------------------------

Janet:  I was feeling done in, couldn't win
        I'd only ever kissed before.

Columbia:   You mean she...

Magenta:    Uh huh ["Virgin!"]

Janet:  I thought there's no use getting
        Into heavy petting
        It only leads to trouble
        And seat wetting.   ["Aaah!  This seat's wet!"]
        Now all I want to know is how to go.
        I've tasted blood and I want more.

Magenta and Columbia: [echo] More, more, more

Janet:  I'll put up no resistance
        I want to go the distance
        I've got an itch to scratch
        I need assistance.   [on 'toucha toucha' etc., run and attempt
              to touch Janet (on the screen)]  [if possible]
        [alternately, echo "Fucka fucka fucka fuck me"]
        Toucha toucha toucha touch me
        I want to be dirty
        Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
        Creature of the night.
        Then if anything grows, while you pose,
        I'll oil you up and ["Suck"]rub you down.

Magenta and Columbia: [echo] Down, down, down.

Janet:  And that's just one small fraction of tttraction
        You need a friendly hand and I need action.

Columbia:   Toucha toucha toucha touch me

Magenta:    I want to be dirty.

Columbia:   Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Magenta:    Creature of the night.

Janet:  Toucha toucha toucha touch me
        I want to be dirty
        Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creature of the night.

  [shout name of each character as they sing their line]

Rocky:      Creature of the night

Brad:       Creature of the night?

Frank:      Creature of the night.

Magenta:    Creature of the night.

Riff Raff:  Creature of the night.

Columbia:   Creature of the night.

Rocky:      Creature of the night.  ["No fair he's gone twice!"]

Janet:      Creature of the night.

 -------------------------------------

Riff Raff:  Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!  ["Say thank you in French!"]
            Merrrrrcy! (being whipped by Frank)  ["Thank you sir,
            may I have another!"]  ["Show us your backhand"]

Frank:      How did it happen?  I understood you were to be watching...

Riff Raff:  I was only away for a minute...master  ["bater"]

Frank: Well, see if you can find him on the monitor.

Riff Raff:  Master, master...we have a visitor.  ["It's R2D2!"]
       [alternately, "It's Mary Poppins in drag!"]

Brad:       Hey, Scotty! ["Beam us up!"] ...Dr. Everett Scott.

Riff Raff:  You know this earthling ["Whoops!"] ...this person?

Brad:       Why yes.  He happens to be an old friend of mine.

Frank:      I see.  So this wasn't simply a chance meeting.  You came here
       with a purpose.  ["With a porpoise???"]

Brad:       I told you, my car broke down.  I was telling the truth.

Frank:      I know what you told me...but this Dr. Everett Scott, his name
       is not unknown to me.

Brad:       He was a science teacher at Denton High School.

Frank:      And now he works for your government, doesn't he, Brad? he's
    attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you call UFO's
    ["Unknown Fucking Objects?"]  Isn't that right, Brad?

Brad:       He might be...I don't know.

Riff Raff:  The intruder is entering the building, master.   ["Where
      will he be?"]

Frank:      He'll probably be...entering the Zen room. ["George Harrison's
      livingroom!"] Shall we inquire of him in person?  ["Not the
      triple-contact  electro-magnet!"] (pause)  [as Dr. Scott rides around
      Columbia & Magenta: "Ring around the lesbians!"]  [as Dr. Scott crashes
      through the wall: "Hey, Kool-Aid!"]

Brad:       Great Scott! [throw TOILET PAPER]

Dr. Scott:  Frankenfurter, we meet at last.  ["No at first!]

Brad:       Dr. Scott!

Dr. Scott:  Brad! What are you doing here?

Frank:      Don't play games, Dr. Scott.  You know perfectly well what Brad
       Majors is doing here.  It was part of your plan, was it not?  That he and
       his female should check the layout for you.  well, unfortunately for you,
       all your plans are to be changed.  You must be adaptable, Dr. Scott;
       I know  Brad is.

Dr. Scott:  I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes as a complete
       surprise to me.  I came here to find Eddie.

Brad:       Eddie!  I've seen him!
Frank:      Eddie!  What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?   ["Get snotty,
       Scotty!"]

Dr. Scott:  I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things.  You see
       Eddie happens to be my nephew.    (Frank gasps)

Brad:       Dr. Scott.  ["Mouseketeer roll call sound off now!"]

Janet:      Ah!

[echo three rounds of 'Janet... etc.' add "Uh" for Rocky]

Dr. Scott:  Janet!

Janet:      Dr. Scott!

Brad:       Janet!

Janet:      Brad!

Frank:      Rocky!

(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt)

Dr. Scott:  Janet!

Janet:      Dr. Scott!

Brad:       Janet!

Janet:      Brad!

Frank:      Rocky!

(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt)

Dr. Scott:  Janet!

Janet:      Dr. Scott!

Brad:       Janet!

Janet:      Brad!

Frank:      Rocky!

(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt)

Frank:      Listen...I made you...and I can break you just as easily.  (to
       Rocky)

Magenta:    (GONG) Master, dinner is prepared! ["and WE helped!
       (hay-ulped)"]

Frank:      Excellent.  Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be
       optional.

Narrator:   Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals.  The
       breaking of the read, the last meal of the condemned man, and this meal.
       However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be
       little, bonhommie.

(Dinner is served, the clatter of dishes is heard, the electric slicer
       used to slice up the meat (by Frank)) ["Meat Loaf again!?"]

Frank:      A toast [throw TOAST] ...to absent friends...

All:        [echo] To absent friends.

Frank:      and to Rocky.  (Frank starts a verse of stacatto 'Happy Birthday
       Rocky' and cuts it off  after 'Dear Rocky' [- the audience sings along])

Brad:       Shall we?

Dr. Scott:  We came here to discuss Eddie.

Columbia:   Eddie. (Frank threatens her with the slicer)

Frank:      That's a rather tender subject.  Another slice anyone?

Columbia:   Excuse me (Scream on exit) ["What's the matter? You ate him
       before - you can eat him again!" "Yeah, but she didn't swallow last!"]

Dr. Scott:  I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I
       imagined...Aliens!

Rocky:      Ugh?

Brad:       Doctor Scott!

Frank:      Go on, Dr. Scott.  Or should I say Dr. Von Scott.  ["Zieg
       Hiel!",  complete with Nazi salute]

Brad:       Just what exactly are you implying?

Dr. Scott:  It's all right!

Brad:       Doctor Scott!  ["Janet!  Brad!  Rocky!  Uh!"]

Scott:      It's all right, Brad.

             EDDY
   -------------------------
   From the day he was born ["till the day he died."]  He was trouble.
["with a capital 'T'."]
   He was the thorn         ["not the rose, but the thorn"]
   In his mother's side.    ["not the back, but the side"]
   She tried in vain...     ["not the artery, but the vain"]

Narrator:   ["What's HE doing here?"] ...but he never caused her nothing
       but shame.  ["shame shame shame"]

Scott:      He left home the day she died.  ["Dr. Scott rocks!"]
            From the day she was gone ["suck Dr. Scott's cock"]
            All he wanted             ["was Dr. Scott's cock"]
            Was Rock 'n' Roll porn    ["and Dr. Scott's cock"]
            And a motorbike.   Shooting up junk...

Narrator:   ["HIM again!"] He was a low down cheap little punk! ["Yay Punk!"]

Scott:      Taking everyone for a ride.

All:  When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
      You knew he was a no-good kid.
      But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife

Frank:      What a ["fag"] guy!

Janet:      Makes you ["gag"] cry.

Scott:      Und I did.

Columbia:  Everybody shoved him.
           I very nearly loved him.
           I said, hey, listen to me;
           Stay sane inside insanity!
           But he locked the door and threw away the key.

Scott:  But he must have been drawn
        Into something, ["Like Dr. Scott's cock"]
        Making him warn
        Me in a note that reads...

All:        [echo] What's it say?  What's it say?

Eddie's voice:  I'm out of my hed. ["H - E - D"]
                Oh, hurry, or I may be dead. ["Spelled right!"]
                They mustn't carry out their evil deeds. ["Scream"] (scream)

All:  When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
      You knew he was a no-good kid.
      But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife

Frank:      What a guy!

Janet:      Makes you cry.

Scott:      Und I did.

All:  When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy
      You knew he was a no-good kid.
      But when he threatened your life with a ["ball point pen"]
      switchblade knife

Frank:      What a guy!

Janet:      Makes you cry.

Scott:      Und I did.

["Watch this trick!" or "Hey, Rocky.  Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!
      nothin' up my sleeve... Presto!"]  (All scream)

Frank:      Rocky!  How could you? ["Slap the bitch!"] (slaps Janet)
       (general mayhem as Frank chases Janet.  Riff and Magenta laugh, until
       Riff suddenly says "Shut up!" [which the audience echos]

       WISE UP
  --------------------

[Make all words such as "twice, Weiss, nice, etc. put a long S sound on the
     end of them.]

Frank:  I'll tell you once;
        I won't tell you twice.
        You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
        Your apple pie don't taste so nice.
        You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
        I've laid the seed; it should be all you need.
        You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.
        When we made it, didja hear a bell ring? [ring BELL]
        Ya gotta block?
        Well, take my advice.
        You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
        The transducer will seduce ya.

Janet:      My feet!  I can't move my feet!

Scott:      My wheels!  My God, I can't move my wheels!

Brad:       ["My socks!  I can't move my socks!"] It's as if we're glued to
        the spot!

Frank:      You are!  So quake with fear, you tiny fools!

Janet:      We're trapped!

Frank:      (sung)  It's something you'll get used to.  A mental mind fuck
        can be nice.

Scott:      You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine
        This sonic transducer...it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-
        physio-molecular transport device?

Brad:       [echo] You mean... ["A vibrator!"]

Scott:      Yes, Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on for
        quite some time.  But it seems our friend here has found a means of
        perfecting it.  ["A perfect vibrator!"] A device capable of breaking
        down solid matter an then projecting it through space and, who knows,
        perhaps even time itself.

Janet:      You mean he's going to another planet?

Frank:      [echo] Planet, shmanet, Janet!
       You better wise up, Janet Weiss.  You better wise up, build your thighs
       up,  You better wise up

Narrator:   [echo] And then she cried out...

Janet:      Stop!

Frank:  Don't get hot and flustered!  Use a bit of mustard.

[throw HOTDOGS on 'you're a hotdog!' (optional)]

Brad:       You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her,
       ["With your"] Frank Furter.   (Freeze - Brad) ["Aces!"]

Scott:      You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her,
       ["With your"] Frank Furter.   (Freeze - Scott)

Janet:      You're a hot dog --   (Freeze - Janet)

Columbia:   My God!  I can't stand any more of this!  First you spurn me for
        Eddie, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky!  You
        chew people up and then you spit them out again. ["He doesn't swallow!"]
        I loved  you. ["What?"] Did you hear me!  I loved you!  And what did it
        get me?  Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing.  You're like a sponge.  You
        take, take,  take, and drain others of their love and emotion.  Yeah,
        well, I've had enough You're gonna choose between me and Rocky, so
        named because of the rocks in his head. (freeze)

["Lopsided!"] ["It's only a shadow"]

Frank:      It's not easy having a good time... (freeze Rocky)
       ...even smiling makes my face ache ["comes from biting your knuckles!"]
       ...and my children turn on me ...Rocky's behaving just the way Eddie did
       Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain between the two of
       them?  ["That could be it"]

Magenta:    Ahhhh!  I grow weary of this world!  When shall we return
       to Transylvania, huh?

Frank:      Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother
       Riff Raff.  You have both served me well.  Loyalty such as yours
       shall not go unrewarded.  You will discover that when the mood
       takes me, I can be quite generous.

Magenta:    I ask for nothing...nothing.  ["under 8 inches"]

Frank:      ["Will she get it?"]  And you shall receive it...in abundance!
       ["What's your favorite high-protien drink?"] Come, we are ready for the
       floor show!

Narrator:   And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had
       decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment with their
       friend,  Dr. Everett Scott.  But it was to be in a situation which
       none of them would  have possibly forseen.  And, just a few hours
       after announcing their  engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted
       ["Frank?"] ...forbidden fruit.  ["Same thing"]  This in itself was
       proof that their host was a man of of  little morals, ["Yay little
       morals!"] and some persuasion. ["Yay, some  persuasion"]  What further
       indignities were they to be subjected to?  And  what of the floor show
       that is spoken of?  ["What of it?"] In an empty  house? ["best place!"]
       In the middle of the night? ["best time"] What  diabolical plan had s
       Frank's crazed imagination? ["What indeed?"] What  indeed? ["my thoughts
       exactly!"] From what had gone before, it was clear  that this was to be
       ["A picnic?"] no picnic. ["Aw!" (dejectedly)]


   ROSE TINT MY WORLD
  --------------------

    A. FLOOR SHOW
(Frank is running around making preparations while the others are frozen
on the stage.  Unfreeze - Columbia)

Columbia:  It was great when it all began.
           I was a regular Frankie fan.
           But it was over when he had the plan
           To start a-working on a muscle man.
           Now the only thing that gives me hope
           Is my love of a certain dope.
           Rose tint my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

(Unfreeze - Rocky)

Rocky:  I'm just seven hours old,    ["and you can't sing"]
        And truly beautiful behold.
        And somebody should be told  ["you can't dance, either"]
        My libido hasn't been controlled.
        Now the only thing I've come to trust
        Is an orgasmic rush of lust.
        Rose tint my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

(Unfreeze - Brad)

Brad:  It's beyond me; help me Mommy!
       I'll be good; you'll see.
       Take this dream away. ["Just TRY and get rid of it!"]
       What's this?  Let's see,  I feel sexy!
       What's come over me?       ["Frank!"]
       Wo!  Here it comes again.  ["Again?!?"]

(unfreeze - Janet)

Janet:  I feel released; bad times decrease.
        My confidence has increased; reality is here.
        The game has been disbanded; my mind has been expanded.
        It's a gas that Frankie's landed!
        His lust is so sincere.


    B. FANFARE/DON'T DREAM IT

["What the fuck's a Radio Picture?"  "It's a picture of a radio!"]

Frank:  Whatever happened to Fay Wray? ["She went ape-shit!"]
        That delicate, satin-draped frame?
        As it clung to her thigh ["What? the ape-shit?"]
        How I started to cry ["I'd cry too if I had ape-shit on my thigh!"]
        'cause I wanted to be dreaming ["even ape-shit?"] just the same.
        Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.
        Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.
        Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure
        And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.
        Can't you just see it?  Oh, oh, oh.
   [flap hands wildly to clear smoke.]    [while Frank is floating around
   in the pool:  "Waiter, there's a transvestite in my soup!"  "Shut up,
   everyone'll want one!"  "But I can't eat it, I'm a vegetarian!"  "That's
   okay, he's a fruit."]
        Don't dream it, be it. (four times)

All:        Don't dream it, be it. (twelve times)

(Unfreeze - Scott.  In on sixth time)  ["Who did that!"]

Scott:  Ach!  We've got to get out of this trap before this decadence
     saps our wills.  ["It's too late!"] I've got to be strong, and try
     to hang on, or  else my mind may well [snap] snap and my life will
     be lived ...for the  thrills!

Brad:       It's beyond me;  help me Mommy! ["Somebody shut him up!"]

Janet:      God bless Lilly St. Cyr.


    C. WILD ANDUNTAMED THING

["Who's pool is it?"]

Frank:  My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my!
        I'm a wild and an untamed thing.
        I'm a bee with a deadly sting.
        You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
        Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
        So let the party and the sounds rock on.
        We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
        Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

All:  We're a wild and an untamed thing.
      We're bees with a deadly sting.
      You get a hit and your mind goes ping.
      Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
      So let the party and the sounds rock on.
      We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone.
      Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

["Hey look!  It's Prince!]

Riff Raff:  Frank N Furter, it's all over.
            Your mission is a failure;
            Your lifestyle's too extreme.
            I'm your new commander;
            You now are my prisoner.
            We return to Transylvania.
            Prepare the transit beam.

Frank:      ["Wait!"] Wait!  ["Can you explain?"] I can explain!

["You'd better make it good, you died last week."]


    I'M GOING HOME
  ------------------

["Ladies and gentleman:  Miss Judy Garland, with Alfalfa's shadow..."]

Frank:      On the day I went away...

All:        Goodbye...

Frank:      Was all I had to say...

All:        Now I...

Frank:      I want to come again, ["again?!?"]  and stay.

All:        Oh, my, my...

Frank:  Smile, and that will mean I may.
        'cause I've seen ["Name a color!"] oh, ["That's not a color"] blue skies
        Through the tears in my eyes
        And I realize, ["You look like shit!"]
        I'm going home.  ["Don't bet on it"]

All:        I'm going home.

Frank:      ["Where've you been?"] Everywhere
            ["How was it?"] it's been the same...

All:        ...feeling...

Frank:      ["What's it like when you get pissed on?"]
            ...like I'm outside in the rain...

All:        ...wheeling...

Frank:      ["How much are blow jobs?"]
            ...free to try and find a game...

All:        ...dealing...

Frank:      ...cards for sorrow, cards for pain. [throw CARDS]
            'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
            Through the tears in my eyes
            And I realize, ["You still look like shit."]
            I'm going home.

Frank & All: I'm going home. (3 times)   (applause)

Magenta:    How sentimental. ["Insensitive bitch!"]

Riff Raff:  And also presumptuous of you.  You see, when I said that we
       were  leaving, I referred only to Magenta and myself.  I'm sorry,
       however, if you found my words misleading, but you see,  you are to
       remain here, in spirit, anyway.

Scott:      Great heavens!  That's a laser!

Riff Raff:  Yes, Dr. A Laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter.
      ["Then it's not a laser!"]

Brad:       You mean...you're going to kill him?  What's his crime?

Scott:      You saw what became of Eddy.  Society must be protected.

Riff Raff:  Exactly, Dr. Scott.  And now, Frank N Furter, your time has
       come.  Say goodbye to all of this, ["Goodbye, all of this"] and hello
       to  oblivion. ["Hello, oblivion how are the wife and kids?"]

["First one to scream gets it in the tits!"]

(Columbia screams - gets zapped)

["Come on Frank, take it like a man!"]

(Frank screams - gets zapped)

(Rocky moans over Frank's body - gets zap, zap, zap, zapped - falls
      to his death)

["Hey, it's Jim O'Brien!"]

Janet:      Oh!  You killed them!

Magenta:    But I thought you liked them.  They liked you.

["Get paranoid!"]

Riff Raff:  They didn't like me!  He never liked ME!

Scott:      You did right. ["SHOOT HIM!!!" etc. ]

Riff Raff:  A decision had to be made.

Scott:      You're O.K. by me.

Riff Raff:  Dr. Scott, I'm sorry about your nephew.

Scott:      Eddie? ["No, Blanche!"]  Yes, well, perhaps it was all for
       the best, heh, heh, heh.

Riff:       You should leave now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible.
       We are about to beam the entire house to the planet Transexual, in the
       galaxy of Transylvania.  ["What's the zip code?"]  Go... ["When?"] Now.
       Our mission is completed, my most beautiful sister,["If that is your
       most beautiful,  I would hate to see your most ugliest!"] and soon we
       shall  return to the moon-drenched shores of our ["Gitcigoomi?"]
       beloved planet.

(missing reel)



   SUPER HEROES
 -----------------

Brad:  I've done a lot;
       God knows I've tried
       To find the truth.
       I've even lied.
       But all I know is down inside

All:        I'm bleeding...

Janet:  And super heroes come to the feast
        To taste the flesh not yet deceased.
        And all I know is still the beast

All:        Is feeding...)  Ahh, ahh... (etc.)

["Hey Brad, can you do the Backstroke?  What about the Australian crawl?"]

[when Dr. Scott comes on screen: "Help Jerry's Kids!"]

["Stop the world, I want to get off!"]

  ------------------

Narrator:  And crawling ["where?"] on the planet's face
           Some insects ["what're they called?"] called the human race...
           ["Where's your fucking neck?"] Lost in time
           ["What's your favorite TV show?"]   And lost in space
           ["like Shock Treatment?"]  And meaning.

All:        Meaning. ["You forgot to turn your globe off!"]

(in the film, the reprise of Science Fiction/Double Feature is
replaced by a reprise of Time Warp, during the closing credits.)

   (SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE - REPRISE

Usherette:  Science Fiction  Double Feature.
            Frank has built and
            Lost his creature.
            Darkness has conquered
            Brad and Janet.
            The servants gone to
            A distant planet.
            Wo, oh, oh, oh.
            At the late night, double feature,
            Picture show.
            I want to go, oh, oh, oh.
            To the late night, double feature,
            Picture show.)


["You'd better make it good, you died last week."]


    I'M GOING HOME
  ------------------

["Ladies and gentleman:  Miss Judy Garland, with Alfalfa's shadow..."]

Frank:      On the day I went away...

All:        Goodbye...

Frank:      Was all I had to say...

All:        Now I...

Frank:      I want to come again, ["again?!?"]  and stay.

All:        Oh, my, my...

Frank:  Smile, and that will mean I may.
        'cause I've seen ["Name a color!"] oh, ["That's not a color"] blue skies
        Through the tears in my eyes
        And I realize, ["You look like shit!"]
        I'm going home.  ["Don't bet on it"]

All:        I'm going home.
-- 
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