From: chaneysa@nextnet.ccs.csus.edu (Thoughtcrime Convict #12273-101)
Subject: And YOU thought I was nuts! (And other predictions for the Clinton years)
Followup-To: The Liberal sludge of the day.
Originator: chaneysa@nextnet
Keywords: Ingsoc. Humor-impaired.
Organization: Alcatraz Re-Education Facility for Thought Criminals. (Actually, California State University, Sacramento, and I don't speak for them.)
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 18:46:20 GMT


 If you are a humor-impaired liberal who can only laugh when stuff
this ugly is said about Conservatives, bang the "n" key with your
forehead now.
 For the rest of you, this is another humorous slap in the face of
liberals from the only person on Earth whose parents have outright
promised to kick me out if they found Rush Limbaugh's book in my
house or if they find out I voted Republican straight down the line in
1992 and that I think that Clinton's merry army of liberals, feminists,
AIDS terrorists, enviro-maniacs, social workers (especially social
workers), and bleeding heart activists in general, are full of shit.
(My folks are the kind of people I wish would one day lose their house
to some wacko wetlands law, so they could see environmentalism
up-close.) Greetings from the only person in the world whose folks
threatened his live-in aunt for saying she was voting for Bruce
Herschensohn. Mega-dittos from a student whose parents think that a
one-party government is good as long as it's controlled by Democrats.
----------------------------------------------------------------------




 For those of you liberals who said I was nuts when I printed that
huge, outrageous (and humor-intended) predictions for the Clinton
years, which is also available for those of you who dwell on IRC by
typing "/msg dittobot comment5" "/msg dittoserv comment5" (note: it
will be sent via dcc), check this out:


 I said that personhood would be given to dolphins, trees and spotted
owls (and probably whales) by the time Clinton leaves office. Well, in
Malibu, CA, it seems that dolphins have already been declared citizens
of the city.
 Not so outrageous anymore, huh, liberals? I never REALLY thought that
could happen - I was just looking at you liberals in as humorous a
light as YOU looked at us with your stupid jokes and predictions
starting back when Carter lost the presidency, and which heightened
with the Dan Quayle / Murphy Brown bit. But now, lo and behold, it HAS
happened. Dolphins are now inching closer to legal personhood! They
were declared citizens of Malibu, California!


 You thought I was nuts? Nope. I'm factual.
 The tradition of liberals is to take the facts and call s/he who
reports them, crazy, when the facts come out against liberals.
 We can always count on liberals trying to slander conservatives (and
hurl names at folks like me) and try to deny the facts, because
everyone knows that the only way liberals can do what they do in this
country, is because they lie and cover up and deny everything that
they do and everything that results from it. To face the facts is to
kill liberalism at its roots and we all know liberals are too chicken
to admit when they have been wrong. Liberals are too chicken to admit
when someone else is pulling the same trick they pulled a while
before. Liberals cannot stand humor leveled against them, even though
they level humor against conservatives, daily.
 I mean, we see that every single day here on USENET.



 Now, for other things you can look forward to finding in the Clinton
years..


 * When liberals appoint minorities and women to state and White House
cabinet positions, it is Representing the Diversity of America. When
conservatives do it, it is called Hiring Token Blacks and Token Women.
 * When women bash men on television, it is called The Voice of the
Oppressed. When men make jokes about radical feminists, it is called
Harmful, Male Chauvenist Pig-talk.
 * The Sensitivity Police will become a new branch of law enforcement
similar to the FBI.
 * Ted Turner will be appointed as director of the Federal Ministry of
Truth, the soon-to-come government-run media watchdog that will lay
new standards for broadcast news in America.
 * The first arrest will be made by the Sensitivity Police in 1996,
involving a journalist who is caught blabbing on TV about how the NOW
does not represent the views of the majority of women in America.
 * This journalist will create a huge scandal in the media industry,
bringing about the first big investigation job for Federal Truth
Minister Ted Turner. The Ministry will be forced to dig deep to find
and purge other journalists who have failed their job as good
Americans, which is to only report the news according to the law as
declared by the Federal Ministry of Truth and interpreted by the
Sensitivity Police.
 * Rush Limbaugh will be forced to live in the mountains to hide from
the Sensitivity Police, broadcasting his crimespeak over pirate radio
waves not regulated by the Ministry of Truth.
 * Due to feminist outcry, Ted Turner will be replaced by Ms. Magazine
owner Gloria Steinem, as chief director of the Federal Ministry of
Truth.
 * The Federal Ministry of Truth's logo will be a "V" with the word
"Ingsoc" on the bottom - before it is erased and covered over with a
picture of the American flag.
 * Religious services will be broadcast on national television every
Earth Day for the goddess Gaia and her god-lings, the Spotted Owls,
and the service will be conducted by the Reverend Al Gore. To become
an ordained priest at the various Gaia churches that will be open
during Earth Day, you will have had to have been a member of Earth
First! or other, accredited radical environmentalist groups.
 * Abstinence education will be thrown out completely, starting in
Michigan and New York City. (They have already done that in Lansing,
Michigan, as of Wednesday, December 16, 1992, because, as State
Education Board Member Annetta Miller said, it was naive. - Sacramento
Union, 12/17/92, page A5, for all you fools who are going to say this
didn't happen.)
 * Eating meat will become a crime in Washington, DC, and still, guns
and the death penalty will be illegal and the abortion rate will
remain higher than anywhere else in the nation.
 * Mario Cuomo will be declared the #1 governor in the United States
by the Federal Ministry of Truth, and New York City's economic plan
will, by Ministry declaration, be declared a model for the nation.
 * Exactly 5 minutes after that declaration, there will be tens of
thousands of arrests by the Sensitivity Police, in New York City
alone.
 * L7, a Los Angeles rock group, will be paid to do the music for ads
taken out by the Federal Sensitivity Enforcement Bureau (the head of
all Sensitivity Police branches in America), which will be broadcast
at all advertisement breaks.
 * The ad will be a warning to Americans not to make anti-gay (which
we know as anti-ACT-UP), anti-woman (which we know as anti-NOW),
anti-etc. speech, because there could be massive fines and prison time
for being caught making such statements. Alcatraz Prison will be
reopened as a hard labor camp for those caught making comments against
legal abortion (average sentence if you're caught making THAT kind of
comment: a hefty 20 years for men, 40 for women). You have been
warned.
 * Captain Planet will be appointed to run the Earth First! Commission
under Vice President Al Gore.
 * Private transportation will become too expensive because of high
taxes which will be used to save the ozone, the spotted owl, the
dolphin, and the tree that is growing its way through your house in
Carmel, California.
 * Red China's leaders will be brought here to draft America's family
planning laws, by 1996.
 * Just like Hitler's Germany, Lenin & Stalin's Russia, Mao's China,
Mussolini's Italy, and Franco's Spain, we will be free of government
gridlock. (To refer to a Republican Presidency and a Democratic
Congress, or a Republican Congress and a Democratic Presidency, as
"balance of power," will become a felony under the US Ministry of
Truth Regulation 101, Section 13, Paragraph 1.)




Doubleplusgood speak and acts that will make your neighbor proud of you:


 * "A government mess under the Clinton Administration and a
Democratic controlled Congress, will be the fault of the Republicans
in Congress."
 * "A government mess under the Reagan-Bush years, with a Democratic
Congress since the 1950's (and a Republican Senate for a short time in
that interval), is the fault of Bush."
 * "A government mess under the Carter years, is the result of Reagan
and Bush." (To claim this isn't true, will be a felony under the above
regulation, section and paragraph.)
 * "Balance of power is government gridlock. It must be eliminated."
 * "A one-party system is good if it is Democrat-controlled."
 * Vandalize a Catholic church.
 * Join the NOW.
 * "Jane Fonda is a great American patriot."
 * "We shall tax America into prosperity."
 * "Jerry Brown has common sense."
 * Spike a tree.
 * "Population control will end hunger."
 * "Male bashing means gender equality."
 * Tear up a picture of the Pope.
 * "Human beings are the worst animals on Earth."
 * "In Gaia We Trust."
 * Bomb an animal research facility.
 * "Capitalism is evil."
 * "Fathers are irrelevant. Child support checks and welfare checks
give you the money you need without the hassle of having to deal with
a male."
 * Block a nuclear facility.
 * "Murder and theft is not the fault of the perpetrator - it should
be blamed on the economy."
 * "Making one responsible for their own actions is the beginning of
Fascism. Except for when it comes to men and sex."
 * "Radical feminism shall liberate the world."
 * "The Y chromosome is a genetic defect."
 * Blow up a slaughterhouse.
 * Rescue livestock from a private ranch.
 * "Rush Limbaugh is a fat blowhard fascist pig." (Award-winning
8-word essay by a pre-schooler in the first Annual Ministry of Truth
National Essay Contest, Pre-School Division.)
 * Smoke (but don't inhale) pot, dodge the draft, and cheat on your
wife. (Can get you elected to the US Presidency.)
 * "Hey ho, hey ho, Western culture's got to go!"
 * "Life ends at 65." (A euphemism for the mandated euthanasia on the
65th birthday, due to skyrocketing elderly entitlement costs at the
top and too few workers at the bottom - thanks to Planned Parenthodd -
to support it.) (That ought to show you liberals how nice it is to
insult pro-lifers, eh? Keep insulting us and we'll throw you more of
this so you can bang your heads on the walls some more.)




        Words and acts that will DEFINITELY get you arrested:

 * "Bill Clinton dodged the draft." ($5000 fine.)
 * "Hillary, please let Bill run the country." ($5000 fine and 2 years
in prison.)
 * "Gloria Steinem is wrong." ($1000 fine.)
 * "To hell with those coat hanger terrorists." (20 years hard labor
at the newly-reopened Alcatraz prison.)
 * "Earth to Jerry Brown! Earth to Jerry Brown! Can you hear us?"
($1000 fine.)
 * "Bra-burners." (Those words may get you 2 years in prison plus a
$1000 fine.)
 * "Jack Kemp in '96!" (Deportation.)
 * "I'm a conservative." (Immediate inquisition before the Federal
Feminist Majority Commission, and subsequent branding, if you're male.
Immediate re-education if you're female. Ruins a man's chances of
marriage.)
 * "MegaDittos." (5 years hard labor at the newly-reopened Alcatraz
facility.)
 * Boo at Sinead O'Connor. ($1000 fine.)
 * Fail to play a Sinead O'Connor song request on the radio. (Shut
down of said radio station after the third offense.)
 * Get caught with a copy of Rush Limbaugh's book. (50 years hard
labor at you-know-where, for possessing a source of multiple
wordcrimes.)
 * Sell Rush Limbaugh's book. (Deportation.)
 * Accuse the media of unfair journalism. (Immediate reeducation.)
 * Register with the Conservative Republican Party. (Anything from
whipping and re-education, to, for the incorrigible cases,
deportation.)
 * Get caught sympathizing with Operation Rescue. (The death penalty.)
 * Wear fur. (Prosecution for first degree murder or accessory to
murder.)
 * Eat meat. (See above.)
 * "Barbara Boxer bounced checks!" ($1500 fine.)
 * Join a pro-life organization. (A trip to Room 101 where you get to
meet a face-hugger a la Aliens part 3. You may save your ass by
agreeing to be severely re-educated. No re-education options for male
offenders.)
 * Drive a car near a forest. (Immediate and permanent revocation of
driving privileges.)
 * "Conservatism is not Naziism." (Re-education.)
 * Kill weeds in your yard. (First-degree murder charges.)



         Careers that will explode during the Clinton Years:

 * Sensitivity Police work.
 * Welfare dependency.
 * Tree-spiking.
 * Marching for liberal causes.
 * Male-bashing.
 * History-rewriting.
 * Dictionary-rewriting.
 * The IRS.
 * Social workers.
 * Human experimentation scientists. (To handle the enormous demand
for fetal and ancephalic newborn body parts, we'll need more people to
kill them, more people to cut them up, and more people to keep records
of where their parts are stored. The Ministry of Truth will bring in
the clients by the millions, no prob with that.)
 * Democratic Party Propagandists.
 * Interrogators.
 * Unemployment office clerks.
 * Homelessness.




         Careers that will decimate during the Clinton Years:

 * Bank tellers. (No money going into personal accounts.)
 * Loggers. (Logging will be illegal.)
 * Paper manufacturers. (See above.)
 * Animal Researchers. (Banned.)
 * Gun manufacturers. (Revocation of 2nd Amendment.)
 * Car manufacturers. (High taxes on cars.)
 * Boat makers. (High luxury taxes.)
 * Soldiers. (Abolition of the military.)
 * Adoption workers. (For obvious reasons.)
 * Maternity ward workers. (A hundred will be able to serve all of
America just fine, by 1996.)
 * Diaper manufacturers. (See above.)
 * Baby bottle manufacturers. (See above.)
 * Cradle manufacturers.
 * Pre-school teachers.
 * Comedians. (No more Dan Quayle jokes. And making fun of Clinton's
people will become a felony.)




              Things to look for in the coming 4 years:

 * Underground hideouts where people will read Rush Limbaugh's book
without fear of being arrested.
 * A pirate radio channel on which Rush Limbaugh can be heard.
 * KGB agents in the White House, advising the Clinton Administration,
when no one's looking.
 * Students majoring in Re-Education / Interrogation.
 * Tax penalties on your second child. Don't even think about a third.
 * Illegal Jack Kemp posters all over the city.
 * Marxism, environmentalism and feminism replacing the Constitution.
 * Bill Clinton's subsequent impeachment in mid-1996.
 * All liberals wiped out of the government by election defeats, just
in time for New Year's Day, 2000 A.D. (Now THAT'S what I call starting
the New Millenium with a CLEAN SLATE.)


                         Have a nice 4 years!



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