From: houk@athena.cs.uga.edu (Mr Congeniality Of 1967)
Subject: Meet Camille Paglia!
Organization: University of Georgia, Athens
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 15:32:12 GMT

Just to inject some humor into things....

This article was transcribed from the magazine Motorbooty - best described
as a magazine for more literate grunge types (yes - we are out there!).
This article was taken from issue #6 - and to please the gods of
copyright infringement... copies are $3 to Motorbooty, PO Box 7944,
Ann Arbor MI 48107. This particular issue also has great articles on
Firesign Theatre, Miles Davis, and today's blank generation, as well
as comics by Mary Fleener and Terry Leban. There you go.


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MEET CAMILLE PAGLIA!
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NAME: Camille Paglia
AGE: Fortysomething
MARITAL STATUS: Single and lovin' it!
FAVORITE PASTTIMES: "Smashing the entire structure of feminist ideology."
LIKES: Pornography, Sex, Catholic Iconography, Sex, Male Uriniation, Sex,
	The Sound Of Her Own Voice
DISLIKES: Revisionist Thinking, Lesbians, Ass-Kissing Intellectuals, Hitler
WHY WOMEN HATE HER: They misunderstand her views on rape.
WHY MEN LIKE HER: They misunderstand her views on rape.
FAVORITE BOOKS: _Orestia_ (Aeschylus), _The Turn Of The Screw_ (Henry
	James), _Macho Sluts_ (Pat Califia)
QUOTE: "Real men think I'm cute."

This year's brightest rising star doesn't sing for a rock band, doesn't
have a hit TV show, and isn't a hot young Hollywood hopeful. She's
Camille Paglia, and if you thought you'd never cream for an academe, 
think again!

You may have read about her in Playboy, Spin, Sassy, The New Republic, The
Village Voice, or The Wall Street Journal, or seen her on MTV's 'House
Of Style'. You may have heard your friends mention her name again and
again and wondered, just who is this Camille Paglia?

Camille is a popular professor at a very hoity-toity university in
Philadelphia, where she's won over the hearts of her students with her
"hip" attitudes and her "tough love" approach to teaching! Last year
Camille published her very first book, called _Sexual Personae: Art and
Decadence From Nefertiti to Emily Dickinson_. It was such a hit among
educated eggheads that eventually even normal people started to take
notice! Within seconds of its release, _Sexual Personae_ skyrocketed to
the top of the New York Times best sellers list. Soon everybody
everywhere was cooing over Camille!

While Naomi Wolf has called Camille "the nipple-pierced person's Phyllis
Schlafly", we like to think of her as "the Don Rickles of the literati!"
Her down to earth, common sense attitudes have made her the best-loved
philosophizer since The Professor from 'Gilligan's Island'! Her comments 
on such trendy subjects as rape ("Lighten up!"), feminism ("Fuck it!"),
pornography ("Hubba hubba!"), prostitution ("If it doesn't cost money,
it's not worth having"), and of course sex ("I'm tri-sexual. I'll try
anything, as long as it's sexual!") have struck a chord with regular
people the world over! When she isn't busy doing personal appearances, 
endless photo shoots, or going through bags full of fan mail (she reads
them all, honest!), Camille spends most of her free time writing! Right
now she's hard at work putting the finishing touches on her next book,
_Hot For Teacher_, which promises to make her absolutely huge! _Hot For
Teacher_ is going to be much more personal than _Sexual Personae_, and 
will cover a variety of topics from Freud to football! (A publishing
insider tells us that one whole chapter of _Hot For Teacher_ is a
lengthly studt of George Carlin's Football vs. Baseball routine, which
Camille compares to Nietzsche's take on Dionysius vs. Apollo!) Already
top celebrities like Dennis Miller and Courtney Love have been clamoring
over Camille, hoping to curry enough favor to earn a mention in her
new book!

Camille's fame doesn't stop her from being one of the nicest people you're
ever likely to meet - that is, if you're ever lucky enough to actually
meet her! It's no wonder everyone loves her ideas, but what about
Camille - *the person*? It would take practically a whole magazine to
list all of Camille's positive qualities, so here's the short list!

SHE'S SMART!
Her book is over 700 pages long, and according to people who've actually
read it, it's jam-packed with literary references, artistic allusions, and
tons more brainy stuff like that! Number one fan Lauren Hutton admits
"I thought Cammile's book was brilliant... at least the nine pages I've
read." What's more, Camille knows the inside poop on who killed JFK!

SHE'S FUNNY!
Although her book is pretty serious overall, Camille's unique sense of
humor inevitably comes through. _Sexual Personae_ is full of one-liners
like "The Rolling Stones are the greatest rock band in the world!"

SHE'S NO SNOB!
Camille loves art and literature and all that, but she's not as stuck up
as you might expect! She loves TV, rock music, and fashion mags too!
"There's as much truth and beauty in Elle as in Eliot," she says, "Read
Gogol, wear Gaultier!"

SHE'S INDEPENDENT!
Camille is personable and loves to chat, but, like Onan of antiquity, she
needs to spend quality time with herself!

SHE'S A CUT-UP!
Camille is a real card. She's been known to plant whoopie cushions, give
hand-buzzer jobs and glue Rubik's Cubes together. Once she even sabotaged
a colleague's article, replacing the word "epistemology" with the word
"buttmeat" wherever it appeared!

SHE'S IN WITH THE IN CROWD!
Since Camille has done so much to make them all seem really important, the
"beautiful people" have welcolmed her into their ranks! They enjoy her
rapier-like wit, and they love to listen to her trope-laden discourses
on the value of their work, even if they can scarcely understand a word
she says! Camille has scored points with everyone from Madonna to Nirvana,
and enjoys hanging out backstage at their "neo-pagan" concerts! She is
also a close personal friend of Big Apple funny-man David Brenner!

SHE'S A REAL SWEETHEART!
Believe it or not, Camille hasn't found that special someone! She's still
playing the field, and she enjoys batting on both sides of the plate! (At
Binghampton University she was voted Miss Lesbian of 1968! And she was the
only Sapphist there!) Though she may have a reputation as a scrapper ("Men
are simple," she says. "There's nothing they understand better than a
swift kick in the nuts!"), Camille is a real romantic at heart! Her ideal
date includes a fine side of beef, a bottle of fine vino, a little
romantic music (Luther is a particular fave), and an array of _Dead
Ringers_-style love toys to spice up the evening!

SHE'S ONE OF THE GUYS!
Although she fancies herself as a feminist, Camille loves men, especially
if they're gay! A self proclaimed "fag trapped in a woman's body," Camille
knows that men are responsible for many of civilization's greatest
achievements: toxic waste, beer hats, tractor pulls, and breast implants,
just to name a few. Camille identifies with the way men brashly assert
their sexuality, and she really, really loves the Diceman.

SHE LOVES LIFE!
More than one reviewer has written of Camille's "bubbly optimism," and
that's not strictly limited to her writing, which is sprinkled with
gems like "Everyone has killed in order to live. Each generation drives
its plow over the bones of the dead."

---------------------------

Joshua H
-- 
houk@athena.cs.uga.edu * indie-list co-moderator
They call me a tomboy, and I love it.
	- Bettie Serveert