From: anon-1280@twwells.com (Ode)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Now I Know... Re: Memories, Child **SPOILER**
Date: 13 Oct 92 06:13:05 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

****************************  SPOILER  ******************************









Ode here. Thanks to *everyone* for the support and e-hugs. I'm
not in a panic anymore, though I'm still confused. After thinking
about it all day, then reading the responses you wrote, I feel
much better now. Thank you for being there and caring.

Excluding the "scenario rape," I am more secure about my most recent
memories, especially since I had a couple more memories pop into my
head, ones that felt more natural and went along with my other, um,
"good" memories. (Well, you know what I mean)

But still, I *had* to know, so I took a deep, deep breath and called my
father. I *had* to know if the rape had actually happened. That's
something that would have involved the police and hospital and many
other people, so he would know if it happened.

It didn't.

<whew!> on the one hand and <?> on the other.

My dad didn't know anything at *all* about the molestation! Which
means that my mom kept it a secret until the day she died.

At first, dad couldn't remember a single man living there at all. He
could only think of a woman and her teenage daughter. I *really* started
to panic. Then I had another flashback and remembered that when the
guy moved we got his stereo and television set. After I said that,
dad remembered him <whew!> and that he lived there before the woman.

He said that he always thought it was funny how the guy said he had
to move quickly and didn't have the money for the rent, so he gave
dad the TV and stereo instead of cash. Dad figured it up one time
and said that the guy only owed about $200.00 in rent, but the TV
& stereo were brand new console "jobs" (that's how my dad put it)
worth at least $800.00. Dad said he never could understand why
the guy gave them up. Now he knows...

Funny to me is how I grew up with these things in my home and was
still able to block out so many memories. Though, it does explain
why the "Virginian" reference was able to surface every now and then.
That was the TV set we were watching. Another connection made.

All dad could remember about the guy was that he was "young-ish middle
age", maybe between 35 & 45. (pooh! I'm 36 and I don't consider myself
"youngish middle age" :-/ ) but said that if he remembered any more 
details he would write them down and let me know.

At first I was a bit appalled that dad wouldn't remember someone who
had babysat us, but then, hey, this was the late 50s and early 60s.
I accept that mom took care of the house and kids (though she did work
full time) and dad didn't pay any attention to babysitter stuff, not 
enough to remember it. It *was* an awfully long time ago too, and to
just lay this all on him out of the blue, with no warning, well, I
understand. I'm sure dad will remember more too.


We both tried to think of why mom never said anything. Dad said that
he *would* have beaten the guy to a pulp, no doubt about it, unless 
someone was there to restrain him, and that mom probably thought that
she wouldn't be able to control him. I think that's probably true.

Now I wish I'd asked my mom details before she died. We assume she just
went to the guy and told him that she knew that something was going on
and that he'd better move, or else she'd tell dad.

I wonder what kind of details she got from me after she hauled me into
the house. I'm sure I didn't have the vocabulary to tell her a fraction
of it.   

My best guess, *only* a guess, is that he told her I was "curious" about 
his penis and he let me touch it. If my mom just thought it was only a
one-time touchy thing, then I can see her not telling dad and just 
telling the guy to move. I'm sure that if she'd known what all he was 
doing that she would have called the police before she even told dad.
But again, that's only a guess based on available information.

<deeep sigh> My brain's a puddle a'mush.  I'll have to think about this
all tomorrow. 




**** SPOILER ****












I did get a bit of *really* good news from my dad. My story of Cousin
is yet to be written, but the short version is that he and a friend
of his raped me when I was 14 and he was in his late 20s. My dad told me
tonight that the bastard is in jail now, serving a 3-year prison sentence.
Ohhh, I'm so happy!! Details in another post, soon.


I can't *believe* I got up the courage to call my dad. Wow!

Tomorrow will be a *good* day!

THANKS TO EVERYBODY!!! Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou!

   Lotsa E-HUGS E-HUGS E-HUGS E-HUGS E-HUGS E-HUGS E-HUGS E-HUGS
                to anybody who'll accept them  

 -vickie-

"The instincts you feel are truth. (Are they? Are they now?)
 You made your choice, now go to the end. You will find your peace,
 and when it comes, greet it, welcome it, make it stay"  HTR



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