From: al677@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jerry Cosyn)
Subject: All-Star Action
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio, (USA)
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 92 19:16:08 GMT


Well Brad, that was certainly an
exciting beginning to this eighty-third
All-Star Game.  A stunning double off
the wall to left by catcher Herb
Dimsill.
                                       It sure is Ted.  You know, Dimsill
                                       is quite a guy.  Not only does he
                                       blast the long ball consistently,
                                       day in and day out, time after time,
                                       game after game, year after year,
                                       season after season, but he also
                                       donates heavily of his time in the
                                       off season to the Westside Infirmary
                                       For Dyslexic Adolescent Left-Handed
                                       Jewish Nymphomaniacs.
He's quite a guy Brad.  And I see
there's now some action in the bullpen
as Greg Patterson, the fine young
athlete from Scarsdale, New York, who
fought back from a terrible ordeal last
season to be selected to this year's
All-Star Team, starts throwing.
                                       I was talking with Patterson before
                                       the game in the clubhouse, and he
                                       told me he felt good, and that he
                                       was just trying to put the whole
                                       thing behind him and go out there
                                       and do the job, day in and day out,
                                       game after game, time after time,
                                       inning after inning, and just try to
                                       contribute to the team.
You know, Brad, I saw him in the
hospital a week or so after the
incident, and he was just as determined
then as he is now.  You gotta admire a
guy who's just been skewered with a
barbecue fork by his wife, who then left
him for a door-to-door almond salesman
to found an underground newspaper in
Guatemala and can still just concentrate
on doing the job.  The guy's a real
champion.
                                       He sure is Ted.  And now here's the
                                       windup from "Goose Egg" Winthrop....
                                       And that one is low and inside, just
                                       missed the corner for ball one.
That's the first ball thrown by Winthrop
in All-Star Play, and only the second
time that a left-handed pitcher has
thrown a curve ball low and inside to a
left-handed Texan wearing an earing in
the first inning of an All-Star Game.
                                       It's a game for record breaking
                                       tonight, Ted.
You're right about that, Brad.  I think
with the lineups we see here tonight,
we're going to see a lot of All-Star
Records fall.
                                       I'm sure of it.  These guys are
                                       rarin' to go.  They came to play
                                       baseball, and that's just what
                                       they're going to do.  Now here's the
                                       one-nothing delivery from
                                       Winthrop...  And Putter looks at
                                       another breaking ball that just
                                       misses.
Did you see the way Putter stopped
chewing his Juicy Fruit as the ball left
Withrop's hand?  That's a new technique
for him, and, judging by his stats -- a
.337 batting average, eighty-six points
above where he was at the All-Star Break
last year, fourteen home runs, and a
.561 on base percentage -- I'd say it's
working for him.
                                       You bet it is, Ted.  And a lot of
                                       the credit for his big improvement
                                       has to go to batting coach Weasel
                                       Milfurd.
It sure does.  Milfurd has really made a
difference for this young man.
                                       And now here's the two-and-oh
                                       pitch...  And Oooh! do you think
                                       Putter wishes he had that one back?
Boy.  You better believe it.  A good
fastball, up and away, and Putter is
shaking his head, unable to believe he
let that one go by.
                                       And while he takes a minute to
                                       collect himself outside the batter's
                                       box, Ted, I think it's a good time
                                       to note that Andy Putter has never
                                       had a hit in an All-Star Game,
                                       although this is his fourth
                                       appearance.  It sure would be nice
                                       to see this outstanding young
                                       ballplayer get a hit here in the
                                       first inning.
And you know he's going to do his best
in there, Brad.  That's just the kind of
ballplayer Andy Putter is.
                                       And now here's the pitch from
                                       Winthrop... And sliced foul into the
                                       stands near first base, and that
                                       looked like it took a fan full in
                                       the mouth there, Ted.
It did, Brad, and now I see an usher
rushing down the steps to see if he's
okay....  He doesn't seem to be
moving....  Oh, right there, it looked
like his hand twitched.  I think he's
going to be all right.  Yes, he's
starting to sit up now....  And look,
the guy who caught the ricochet off his
face is handing the ball to him.  You
know, these fans are the greatest.
                                       No question about it, Ted.  I've
                                       never seen anything like that happen
                                       in an All-Star Game before.  Or in
                                       regular season play, for that
                                       matter.  Even in spring training.
Well, he's on his feet now, and it looks
like he's ordering another beer, so I
guess he must be all right.  That was
quite a shot to the jaw.
                                       And we're ready to get back to the
                                       action on the field.  Here's the
                                       windup from Goose Egg...  And Putter
                                       slashes a shot up the middle, just
                                       out of reach of second baseman Phil
                                       Stickworm.  He'll hold at first as
                                       Dick Bloodstone lopes in from deep
                                       center field and tosses the ball in
                                       to shortstop Pedro Perro.
And that hit makes Putter the first
homosexual lacto-vegetarian Baptist to
single off of Winthrop in All-Star Play,
Brad.  It's got to be exciting to our
gay community to see a man play in the
All-Star game just six months after
marrying a former Chippendale dancer in
a highly publicized ceremony at his
ranch in Wyoming.
                                       Well, that's the kind of guy he is,
                                       Ted.  Not only can he handle a bat
                                       in a way that any manager could ask
                                       for, but he also is willing to lay
                                       his entire private life open for all
                                       the world to see.  Dimsill rounded
                                       third and looked toward home, but
                                       had to hold up when Perro took the
                                       throw from Stickworm, so the
                                       American League has runners at first
                                       and third with nobody out.  And now
                                       Scowling Ron Dowling steps to the
                                       plate in his sixth All-Star
                                       Appearance.
You know, we were talking before the
game about the unusual choice of manager
Tom Shirk to start Dowling at short
rather than Floyd McKenzie, Brad.  Now
we'll see whether he made the right
choice.
                                       I'm sure Shirk is wondering the same
                                       thing right now, Ted, as Winthrop
                                       looks to first and goes into his
                                       motion...  And there's a hard drive
                                       right at Kimchuck at third OH! and
                                       he beats Dimsill to the bag!  An
                                       unassisted double play by third-
                                       baseman Wilt Kimchuck!  And that's
                                       got to be some kind of All-Star
                                       Record, Ted!
Well, no, not that I can find in the
stats, Brad.  But it was certainly a
great heads-up defensive play by
Kimchuck, who caught Dimsill leaning the
wrong way on that hard-hit liner off the
bat of Floyd McKenzie, the rookie
sensation from Oakland.
                                       Well, Kimchuck makes those kind of
                                       plays game after game, day in, day
                                       out, year after year.  It's great to
                                       see a guy keep hanging in there,
                                       being selected for the All-Star Game
                                       after so many years.
And now Carl Marques steps to the plate,
the big switch-hitting third baseman
from Toronto.  He'll be batting right-
handed against the left-hander Winthrop.
And let's take a look at that famous
stance of his....
                                       Look at the way he's holding that
                                       bat.  It's pointed straight at the
                                       pitcher's head.  He always did arch
                                       his back and swing his bat way
                                       'round, but this season he's taken
                                       to aiming it right at the pitcher
                                       during the windup.
Well, he says it not only gives him more
time to come around on the breaking
balls, Brad, but it also spooks the
pitcher.  I don't know about that, but
there's no question that he's had a lot
more bases on balls this season.
                                       And here's the pitch.... And it's a
                                       hard-hit grounder up the middle,
                                       just out of the reach of Winthrop
                                       and SNARED! by Stickworm! who made a
                                       great off-balance throw, falling the
                                       wrong way, to get the big man, Carl
                                       Marques, at first.  And that's the
                                       end of our first half-inning here at
                                       the eighty-third All-Star Game.  The
                                       American League strands one on two
                                       hits, there were no errors, and
                                       we're still scoreless with the
                                       National League coming to bat....
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