From: tbrann@oxford.ac.uk (Tony Brannigan)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Bill and Ted's Egyptian Dig
Keywords: Egypt, dig, Bill, Ted
Date: 16 Dec 92 21:56:13 GMT
Organization: Oxford University Engineering Dept.
Originator: tbrann@black

"The recent finds in the Egyptian desert are causing an uproar in
religous, political, and philosophical circles the world over.  We now
have an on the spot report from our correspondant in the desert."
 .
 .
 .
"Hm, we seem to be having a slight technical problem, we'll get back to
that soon."

"Those of you who have been following the news recently will know the
story of the Michael Jackson clone, for those who haven't this is the
story so far:
The various parts of Michael Jackson that have been removed during his
various surgical procedures have banded together into a single being,
and are about to release a record.  Michael's record company are suing,
complaining that the clone is using Jacko's creativity and talent, and
should therefore be paying royalties to them.  This has raised some
complex legal issues as to the status of "Michael2".  Ah, we seem to
have that report from Egypt now."
"And over to our correspondant in Egypt, Theodore Ted."

"Thanks Sue.  Here I am at the latest dig in the Egyptian Desert, where
recent discoveries have caused a storm of debate over certain passages
in the Bible, relating to the story of Moses in fact.  Next to me here
is Professor William Bill, the discoverer and coordinator of this dig.
So, Bill, what is the significance of this find?"
 "Well Ted, this site has proven to be an absolute gold mine of
infomation.  From the geology of the site we have guessed it does date
back to about the time of Moses, though we are still waiting for some
carbon dating results.  The most amazing result however, is the
chemicals we have been finding.  It would seem that, due to some sort of
strange chemical reaction occuring every several thousand years, that
during this historical period, the water supply in this entire area was
saturated with LSD!."
"Good God!  You mean moses and the plagues was one big communal trip?"
 "That's exactly right Ted, though trip doesn't sum it up very well.  If
you would describe a modern day LSD "trip" as, say, a weekend package tour
in Paris, the entire population of Egypt at this time was on a six month
luxury tour of the Mediteranean.  It is obvious that Moses himself was
one of the first to be affected, given his blood composition while he
was out in the desert, we are surprised he didn't think he _was_ a
burning bush, never mind that one talked to him!  He would've hit it
right at the source when it had just started, he wasn't drinking water
diluted with LSD, he was drinking LSD diluted with water."
"And it spread down into the rest of Egypt?"
 "Absolutely, the symptoms support this, water appearing as blood for
instance.  No doubt some sort of subconcious reaction.  As for the
sticks turning to snakes, we think this may have been a "cover up".  If
you look at these drawings on the wall here."
"These are the snakes here?"
 "Yup"
"My God, that snake there, that poor man, it's biting him right in the"
  "No, if you look closely you will see the snake's mouth is at the
other end!"
"Fuck!"
"Oh, excuse me."
 "And as for the plague of locusts, we believe that too may not have
been accurate.  If you look at these drawings over here..."
"Those are funny looking locusts."
 "Yup"
"What are these?"
 "People"
"Shit, those are big locusts, they do look rather strange.  Almost like,
well, naa."
 "Go on, say it."
"They look rather like, ummm..."
 "Flying pigs?"
"Holy Shit."
"Oops, pardon my French."
 "Yes, I'm afraid for the population of Egypt, not only was Mister
Sanity out to play, he was running buck naked through the fields with
the elves and pixies."
"What a bummer, all that free acid and they had a bad trip."
 "Well, given the concentration of what they were drinking, whatever way
it started it was going to end up bad.  Like the "Angel of Death"
scenario, no doubt a mass of brain haemorrhaging.  There was just too
much off the stuff in the water, why the Jews were still having trips
for years out in the desert."
"My word, this must be causing a storm in certain circles."
 "Yes, in fact,"
	       "I'm sorry to have to interupt you there Bill, but we're
running out of time.  Good luck with your dig, the eyes of the world are
upon you."
 "So long Ted."
"So long Bill, and that is the story of the LSD saturated biblical
passages.  Now, back to the US of A, Sue?"

"And Ted doing some funny stuff himself, judging from the language.  The
next item..."

Tony
-- 
"And soon all of us will sleep under the earth, | tbrann@ox.ac.uk
  we who never let each other sleep above it."  | u90afb@ecs.ox.ac.uk
   Marina Tsvetayeva 1915                       | oupafb@ox.ac.uk