From: rjc@onion.princeton.edu (Raymond Chen)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.simpsons
Subject: [7G07] The Telltale Head
Date: 5 Apr 92 21:19:40 GMT
Organization: Abject Admirers of Lisa Simpson

The quality episodes continue.

The Telltale Head   Written by Al Jean, Mike Reiss, Sam Simon and Matt Groening
                                                         Directed by Rich Moore
===============================================================================
[$Id: 7g07 1.1 92/04/05 12:43:27 raymond Exp Locker: raymond $]
===============================================================================
> Title sequence
===============================================================================
Blackboard :- `I did not see Elvis'.
              `I did |' at cutoff.

Driveway   :- Homer yells ``Augh!'' when the car closes in on him.

Couch:     :- Bart pops upwards out of frame, and doesn't come down.
              During the shot of the TV set, Bart falls past.  (*thud*)

===============================================================================
> Didja notice ...
===============================================================================

    ... this episode explicitly showed the title on screen?
    ... Homer has an eight-track player in his car?  And it said `Hi-fi'
        on it, at that?
    ... the football announcer says, ``And Wolodarsky takes it at the five...
        Whoa!  He fumbles!''  Wallace Wolodarsky is a member of the
        writing team.
    ... Jimbo, Kerny and Dolph were reclining in front of a ``Keep off the
        grass'' sign?

===============================================================================
> Reviews
===============================================================================

Yours Truly {rjc}:  Another strong showing.

===============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
===============================================================================
  + The Tell-Tale Heart (Poe)
        - Bart, overcome with guilt, hears the head talking.
  + The Whole Earth Catalog
        - The Bowl Earth Catalog
    Your favorite ninja movie
        - Bart's nighttime undertaking

===============================================================================
> Freeze Frame Fun
===============================================================================
>> The angry mob
    Burns and Smithers
    Krusty
    Principal Skinner
    Ms. Krabappel
    Grampa Simpson
    Otto
    Dr. Marvin Monroe
    Moe
    Rev. Lovejoy
    Barney
    Placard:  [picture of head]  HAVE YOU SEEN ME?

>> Sunday best
>>> Marge:  Green dress, white pearls, white gloves, triangle earrings,
            lipstick, hat.
>>> Homer:  Brown tie, white shirt, navy jacket, and matching slacks.
>>> Maggie: Blue hat, and her baggie.
>>> Lisa:   Pink outfit with matching hat.
>>> Bart:   Brown tie, white shirt, blue jacket, and matching shorts [NB].

>> The congregation
    Jasper
    Ms. Krabappel

>> Sunday School
    Janey
    Milhouse
    Bart
    Lisa
    Nelson
    Lewis

>> Church activities
    - BINGO - TUESDAY NIGHT
    Monte Carlo Night - WEDNESDAY
    Reno Retreat - SATURDAY
    [Note that the sermon was on the evils of gambling.]

>> Movie theater
    Space Mutants 4 -- The Trilogy Continues!

>> Kwik-E-Mart shoplifting items
    Playdude magazine (an alcohol ad on the back cover)
    Assorted candy bars

>> Downtown Springfield
    Candy Most Dandy

===============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
===============================================================================
>> Bart's blackboard punishment
    Many note that the unfinished `N' in Bart's cutoff could be interpreted
    as an exclamation point, leaving, ``I did!''

    But if you look reeeeeeal carefully, the penultimate sentence in the
    first column reads...

        I did see Elvis.

    You hafta freeze-frame it.  It flashes by real fast.

>> Animation bizarrity
    Note Bart's contorted face when he says `ro' in `robot'.
    This is actually a regular feature of Bart's animation.
    Look for it as a mark of quality. :-)

===============================================================================
> Quotes and scene summary
===============================================================================
% At night, Bart and Homer walk down the streets of downtown Springfield.
% Bart carries the head of a statue.  Homer reassures Bart, ``You know, Bart,
% when I was your age, I pulled a few boners.  But I think you'll find that
% people are pretty decent if you give them half a---''  They turn the
% corner and find an angry, torch-wielding mob.   Running out of places
% to run, Homer and Bart run onto the town square, which sports a headless
% statue.  Each tells the other to go, but both refuse to leave the other
% to die.  ``We'll die together, like a father and son should.''
%
% The mob closes in, and Bart climbs to the top of the statue.

Bart:   Murderous mob, I beg you to spare our lives, at least until you've
        heard the story of how we ended up with the head of our belov\'ed
        town founder.
Barney: How long will this story take?
Bart:   Uh... About twenty-three minutes and five seconds.
-- Does that include commercials?  ``The Telltale Head''

% They agree. It all started Sunday morning.  Marge calls the kids downstairs.
% The three kids come down, all dressed adorably.  (Bart uses the banister
% express.)  Marge gives them a quick inspection.

Marge: Bart, assume the position.
Bart:  [turns and leans against the wall, legs spread]
Marge: [frisks Bart]
-- Leaving for church, ``The Telltale Head''

% Marge finds a slingshot and a Radioactive Man comic.  Meanwhile, Homer
% hops nervously on the couch, watching football.  His team fumbles,
% and the opponents recover it for a touchdown.  Marge is upset that Homer
% wagered $50 on the game, but Homer insists it's not gambling.  The
% win is guaranteed.  (His team fumbles again, recovered for a touchdown.)
%
% In the car, Marge politely complains/scolds that she always has to drag
% everyone to church.  Homer tunes the football game on the car radio.
% When his team scores, he honks the horn and flashes his headlights.
% In the back seat, Bart also grins widely, listening to his Walkman.

Announcer: This could be the most remarkable comeback since Lazarus rose
           from the dead!
Homer:     Laza-who?
-- Driving to church, ``The Telltale Head''

% They arrive at the First Church of Springfield.  Bart dances silently
% to the music.

Marge: [confiscates Bart's personal stereo]
       Were you going to listen to rock music in Sunday School?
Bart:  Maybe.
Marge: Can you believe this, Homer? ... Homer?  Homer?
Homer: [in the car, bashes his head on the steering wheel in frustration]
Marge: [goes to the car]  Homer, were you planning on sitting in the
       car until the [football] game is over?
Homer: Maybe.
-- Great minds think alike, ``The Telltale Head''

% Marge tosses the radio into the car, and Homer pockets it.
%
% In Sunday School, Miss Allbright tries to explain to the kids that
% animals don't go to heaven.  Heaven is for people.

Milhouse:  Will there be cavemen in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher:  Certainly not!
Bart: Uh, ma'am?  What if you're a really good person, but
      you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets
      gangrene and it has to be amputated.  Will it be waiting for
      you in heaven?
SST:  For the last time, Bart, yes!
-- Playing by the rules, ``The Telltale Head''

% Meanwhile, Reverend Lovejoy gives his sermon, titled, ``Gambling:  The
% Eighth Deadly Sin.''  Slowly push in on Homer in the congregation, wearing
% Bart's headphones and listening to the football game.  The audio changes
% to the play-by-play.  Reverend Lovejoy's arm motions serve to illustrate
% the football action.  Homer's team sets up for a game-winning field goal.
% Homer and the congregation pray.  The kick is good, and Homer stands up,
% yelling, ``It's good!  It's good!''  All eyes turn to him.  ``It's good...
% to see you all in church.''
%
% Meanwhile, Miss Allbright is completely exasperated.

Sunday School Teacher:  [very tired]  The ventriloquist goes to heaven,
      but the dummy doesn't.
Bart: [raises his hand]  Ooh-ooh-ooh!  Me!
SST:  Bart?
Bart: What about a robot with a human brain?
SST:  [at the breaking point] I don't know!  All these questions!
      Is a little blind faith too much to ask!?!
-- ``The Telltale Head''

% The service has ended.  In the car, Marge scolds Homer, then...

Marge: Lisa, Bart, what did you two learn in Sunday School today?
Lisa:  The answers to deep theological questions.
Bart:  Yeah, among other things, apes can't get into heaven.
Homer: What?  Those cute little monkeys?  That's terrible.
       Who told you that?
Bart:  Our teacher.
Homer: I can understand how they wouldn't let in those wild jungle apes, but
       what about those really smart ones who live among us?
       Who roller-skate and smoke cigars?
-- And work in nuclear power plants, ``The Telltale Head''

% The car stops for a traffic light in front of a movie theater.

Bart:  Cool, man, Space Mutants 4.  Let me off!  Let me off!
Marge: No way, Jose.
Homer: Marge, they're only space mutants.
Marge: Uh uh.  I know what those movies are like.
       Killing innocent people, eating human flesh.
       You'll just get a lot of bad ideas.
-- ``The Telltale Head''

% At home, Bart approaches Homer, who is resting on the couch.  Bart asks
% for $5, and Homer winkingly hopes Bart doesn't spend it on a certain
% movie.  Bart goes upstairs, undresses in the hallway, enter his room
% naked, puts on his shirt and shorts, grabs his skateboard, and swings
% out the window, without once breaking stride.
%
% Bart skateboards cheerily to the theater, where he is greeted by Jimbo
% and Kerny, the worst kids in town.  Momentarily distracted, Bart
% crashes into a lamppost.  ``Didn't hurt.''  Dolph pops his head out
% the side door of the theater.  ``The coast is clear.''

Bart:  You guys are sneaking in?
Kerny: Yeah, only saps pay to see movies.
Jimbo: Hey, Bart, come on!
Bart:  But sneaking into movies is practically stealing, man.
Kerny: Practically?
Jimbo: It <is> stealing.
Bart:  Well, okay.  I just wanted to make sure we aren't deluding ourselves.
-- An irrefutable argument, ``The Telltale Head''

% [End of Act One.  Time: 8:04]
%
% The movie plays to a nearly empty theater.  The Space Mutant makes its
% surprise apperance.  At the same time, the usher grabs our quartet and
% tosses them out.  Says Dolph, ``We'll take our business elsewhere.''
%
% The quartet go into the Kwik-E-Mart, where Bart buys some Squishees with
% the $5 Homer gave him.  While Apu fills the order, the others shoplift
% like mad.  Bart pays for the drinks, and finds that the guys have left.
% He finds them in the parking lot, enjoying their booty.  They thank him
% for covering for them while they used the ``five finger discount''.
%
% They go into the town square, where Dolph, Kerny, and Jimbo throw rocks
% at the statue of Jebediah Springfield, town founder.  Jimbo hands Bart
% a rock, and he throws it.  A local shopkeeper chases them away.
%
% The gang lie on their backs, admiring the clouds.  Various shapes seen
% include a cherry bomb, a guy with a switchblade stuck in his back,
% a schoolbus going over a cliff with kids screaming, and a headless
% statue of Jebediah Springfield.  Jimbo, Kerny, and Dolph think it'd
% be cool if someone cut his head off.  When Bart leaps to Jebediah's
% defense, the other razz him.  ``Man, I thought you were cool.''  Bart
% trudges off.
%
% Bart pays another visit to the statue, and gets an idea.
%
% Back at home...

Homer: [reading The Bowl Earth Catalog]
       Wow, look at these bowling balls, Maggie!
       Can you think of a better way for Daddy to spend his
       hard-won fifty bucks?
       [turns the page]
       Gasp!  Now I've seen everything.
       Black, marbelized with a liquid center.  The Stealth Bowler.
       The pins don't know what hit 'em.
-- ``The Telltale Head''

% Bart comes home.

Bart:  I was wondering.  How important is it to be popular?
Homer: I'm glad you asked, son.  Being popular is the most important thing
       in the world!
Bart:  Like, sometimes, you could do stuff that you think is pretty bad,
       so other kids will like you better?
Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?
Bart:  No.
Homer: Are you!
Bart:  No!
Homer: Then run along, you little scamp!  [musses Bart's hair]
       A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.
-- ``The Telltale Head''

A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.
-- Homer, ``The Telltale Head''

% At 3am, Bart, clad in black ninja garb, sneaks out of his room.  He
% accidentally steps on the cat, but grabs it and covers its mouth before
% it can scream out.  He release the cat outside and climbs out the window.
% Bart reaches the town square and unsheathes...  A hacksaw!  He climbs
% the statue and saws off the head.  We pull back from the town square
% as the sawing continues.  (*clunk*)  ``What have I done?''
%
% [End of Act Two.  Time: 13:33]
%
% In bed, Bart wakes up and is startled by the head next to him.  Marge
% calls him down to breakfast, where Homer and Lisa enjoy their morning
% meal.

Homer: Ooh, look at this one!  The Hammer of Thor!
       It will sends your pins to... Valhalla?  Lisa?
Lisa:  Valhalla is where Vikings go when they die.
Homer: Ooh, that's some ball!
-- Reading The Bowl Earth Catalog, ``The Telltale Head''

% Bart arrives, carrying a large knapsack containing something heavy and
% metallic.  The radio reports the ``act of senseless vandalism'', and
% all are shocked.

We have no witnesses, no suspects, no leads.
If anyone has any information, please dial `O' and ask for the police.
That number again:  `O'.
-- Chief Wiggum's press conference, ``The Telltale Head''

% Even the reporter is unable to hold back his tears.
% Bart asks why everyone's so excited.  It's just a statue.

Just a statue?  Is the Statue of Liberty just a statue?
Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza [sic] just a statue?
-- Homer, ``The Telltale Head''

% Bart hears the school bus and says, ``Come on, Lis.''  Lisa sadly
% leave for school.
%
% In the tavern, Moe tries to get everyone to cheer up.  Barney asks
% for a beer, ``And make sure there's a head on it.''  Moe thinks this
% is funny.  No one else does.
%
% At the Springfield Retirement Home, Grampa Simpson joins the outrage.
%
% Bart pays a visit to Jimbo, Kerny and Dolph, who say they wish they could
% see the guy who cut off the head.  Bart unzips his knapsack.  Kerny
% continues, ``We'd break every bone in his stupid little body!''  Bart
% quickly zips the knapsack shut.  Bart reminds them of their wish from the
% previous day, but Kerny explains, ``That was just cloud talk.''
% Jimbo asks what's in the bag.  Bart hears a voice.  ``It's the head
% of Jebediah Springfield...'' Bart dashes off, past a crowd which has
% formed around the now headless statue.  Bart tries to convince himself
% that the voice is just his imagination.  In the crowd is Monty Burns,
% who breaks down in tears.  Smithers, as always, is by his side.  He holds
% a hanky to Burns' nose.  ``Blow, sir.''  (*honk*)
%
% Bart returns home, and Lisa invites him to watch Krusty the Clown.

There is someone out there in Krusty-Land who has committed an atrocity!
If you know who cut off Jebediah's head, I don't care if it's your brother,
your sister, your daddy, or your mommy, turn him in!
[brightly]  Krusty will send you a free slide whistle,
just like Sideshow Bob's!
-- ``The Telltale Head''

% Bart digs a hole in the backyard and carries on a conversation with the
% head.  The head suggests that a hero can be a young boy who admits his
% mistake.  Bart tosses the head into the hole. ``Yeah, well, I'm a little
% short on courage right now.''  The head asks Bart to think about it.
%
% The rest of the family watch a documentary.

[Caption:  SPRINGFIELD: A CITY HELD HOSTAGE.  DAY ONE  (dramatization)]
Jebediah Obadiah Zachariah Jedediah Springfield, he was.
[A cheesy documentary.  Jebediah chops wood.]
In 1838, along the way, he met a ferocious bear.
[What is obviously a man in a bear costume appears.
 Jebediah discards his axe and wrestles the bear.
 The caption `dramatization' reappears.]
And killed him with his bare hands.  That's B-A-R-E hands.
[Jebediah wins.]
We've recently uncovered evidence that the bear, in fact, probably
killed <him>.
-- ``The Telltale Head''

% Bart appears, with the head.  Homer approaches Bart menacingly.  ``Why?
% You little...''  Bart explains, ``Somehow I got the idea that being
% popular was the most important thing in the world.'' Homer reacts.
% Marge asks, ``Where did you get a ridiculous idea like that!?''  Homer
% nervously asks Marge to take it easy on the boy.  Marge concludes that
% that Homer was more than a little responsible.  Homer leaves with Bart
% to return the ``head thing'' to the authorities.
%
% At night, Bart and Homer walk down the streets of downtown Springfield.
% Bart carries the head of a statue.  Homer reassures Bart, ``You know, Bart,
% when I was your age, I pulled a few boners.  But I think you'll find that
% people are pretty decent if you give them half a---''  They turn the
% corner and find an angry, torch-wielding mob.   Running out of places
% to run, Homer and Bart run onto the town square...
%
% Various mob voices exclaim, ``All right!''  ``We know this part!''
%
% Dissolve back to the present.  Bart concludes, ``If you still want to tear
% apart this young Sunday School student as he stands on the brink of
% salvation, I await your wrath.  But I'd like to add one thing.  It wasn't
% until after I'd removed the head that we realized we were taking our
% heritage for granted.  That's a crime, too.  One I think we are all guilty
% of.''  The crowd is won over.  Says Krusty, ``Somehow, I don't feel like
% killing any more.''  Neither does Ms. Krabappel.
%
% Homer tosses Bart the head, and with a quiet ``Forgive me, sir'', Bart
% replaces it.  The head replies, ``No problem, Bart.''  All are touched.

Burns:    [overcome with emotion]  I love you, Smithers.
Smithers: The feeling is more than mutual, sir.
-- ``The Telltale Head''

% Church bells peal, and the crowd cheers.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time: 20:16]
===============================================================================
Episode summaries Copyright 1992 by Raymond Chen.  Not to be redistributed
in a public forum without permission.  (The quotes themselves, of course,
remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain
the property of the original authors.  I'm just taking credit for the
compilation.)