From: ac959@yfn.ysu.edu (Charlie Todd)
Subject: The Manly Man...Mr. Manly!!!
Organization: Youngstown State University/Youngstown Free-Net
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 22:41:46 GMT


 
 
 
 
And now, another addition of How to be Manly...
Today: Lesson 2039.
 
  Well, it's Friday night and once again, that can mean only one
thing - a visit to your favorite drinking establishment to try and
find a woman in search of manly gratification.
  Three hours after you have arrived, you are howling drunk and are
still alone, when through the haze of the twelve drinks that you have
consumed, you notice a young lady trying to make conversation with
you.  However something is amiss here, at first you thought that
perhaps this young lady was wearing some sort of mask as a joke, but
upon closer examination, you discover that she has simply one of the
largest noses that you have seen on any human being.  "Good Heavens!"
you say to yourself.  "I'll bet she never has to use her hands to
open a door!"  You decide you want to thwart her advances, but how
can this be accomplished in a manly manner?
  Follow along in your Manly Manual, page 2673 and repeat after me:
1. "Jumpin' Jehosaphat!  Are you a coke dealer's dream or what?"
2. "Would you mind standing on the roof?  I'd like to see which way
the wind is blowing."
3. "Say toots, is that your nose, or is your face doing a Johnny Wadd
impression?"
  Use any of the above phrases in just such a situation, and as you
suddenly appear to be her twin brother when a beer bottle is shoved
up each of your nostrils, you can be rest assured that she will have
no doubts as to what kind of man you really are.
  Until next time, this is Mr. Manly saying "Be Manly, and Good Day."
 
 
And now another addition of How to be Manly...
Today:  Lesson 4567.
 
  Hot diggedy and Shazam!  It's Saturday afternoon and that can mean
only one thing, it's time to go to your local airport for your weekly
flying lesson.  That's right.  For the last three months, you've been
taking flying lessons making you one of the absolute manliest of
manly men on your block.  You not only truly enjoy the craft of
flying, but you also enjoy the manly friendship you have developed
with Scott, your flight instructor. Yes indeed, you two have hours of
fun telling airplane stories and exchanging jokes about the sex lives
of farm animals.  However as you arrive at your flight school, you
are informed that Scott is ill today and you will be instructed by a
substitute instructor.  "Oh well," you say to yourself, "atleast I
still get to fly."  So you bound out to your waiting airplane only to
be frozen in your tracks when you discover that your flight
instructor is no less than a tall, slender, brunnette flying goddess.
 Your chin is scraping along the runway as you approach her.  You
decide that this aviatress would appreciate a dose of your manliness,
but how can this be accomplished in a manly manner?
  Follow along in your Manly Manual, page 4556 and repeat after me:
1. "Uh, oh!  UH, OH!  I think I feel my landing gear extending!"
2. "Say, yummy-britches. How's-about you sit on my lap and I'll fly
through some turbulence?"
3. "Let's play Amelia Aerhart.  You be Amelia and I'll watch you go
*down*."
  Use any of the above phrases in just such a situation and two
seconds later, when you find it very difficult to fly an airplane,
after your hands have been shoved into a rotating propellor blade,
you can rest assured that the young flight instuctor will have no
doubts as to what kind of man you really are.
  Until next time, this is Mr. Manly saying "Be Manly and, Good Day!"
 
 
And now, another addition of How to be Manly...
Today: Lesson 2864.
 
  Well, hot diggedy, it's Sunday afternoon.  One of your favorite
days of the week where you do nothing but sit around all day drinking
copious amount of beer and passing wind as you watch your favorite
sport on TV. However, this week, your wife has different ideas.  She
insists that you accompany her to the local colloseum to attend a,
dare I say it, a *dog* show.  Normally this would be a most manly
activity if this was a show featuring dogs retrieving innocent ducks
that have been blown out of the sky or perhaps a cat chasing contest.
 But No!!!  This show has such things as little tooty-fruity French
poodles with little pink ribbons in their hair and small Pomeraneans
that look like exploded fur-balls.  Since you are married, you
naturally have no say-so whatsoever as to whether you attend the show
or not.  So, once you have arrived, you need to show your
displeasure.  But how can this be accomplished in a manly manner?
  Follow along in your Manly Manual, page 2456 and repeat after me:
1. "Mmmm..Mmmmmm, honey.  This place smells just like your home
cookin'."
2. "Gee, too bad your mother didn't come with us, she could have
taken first prize."
3. "Golly!  I haven't seen this many bitches in one place since all
of your sisters came to visit!"
  Use any of the above phrases in just a situation, and for the next
month, as you notice that not only does her cooking smell like a dog
show, it mysteriously tastes like one too.  You can rest assured that
your wife will have no doubts as to what kind of man you really are.
  Until next time, this is Mr. Manly saying "Be Manly, and Good Day!"
 
 
And now another addition of How to be Manly...
Today: Lesson 4836,
 
  Well, it appears that your Saturday afternoon watching
pro-wrestling has been somewhat ruined.  This morning, when you woke
up, at 1pm, your wife informed you that your refrigerator has broken
down yet again.  "That does it!" you say.  It's alright to have the
wife go out and get takeout meals to bring home for dinner, but
what's unbearable is the fact that now you won't have any cold beer
to drink while you watch your favorite shows on TV.  So it's off to
the appliance store to buy a new fridge.  You cautiously check to
make sure that no one sees you entering the appliance store, for
purchasing a new ice box straddles the fine line between manly and
unmanly activities.  However, when you discover that your salesperson
is a most highly attractive, buxom, young woman, you decide that you
will be able to assert your manliness after all.  But how can this be
accomplished in a manly manner?
  Follow along in your Manly Manual, page 4521 and repeat after me:
1. "Say toots, how'd you like to show me where I can store my
sausage?"
2. "My wife told me I could get a new box, and she told me to get a
new refrigerator while I was at it."
3. "Hey Hey Hey!  I'd sure like to pop a cucumber in your crisper."
  Use any of the above phrases in just such a situation and as the
female salesperson demonstrates just how well their deluxe deep
freeze will hold your entire body, you can rest assured that she will
have no doubts as to what kind of many you really are.
  Until next time this is Mr. Manly saying "Be Manly, and Good Day!"
 

-- 
--==Caution!!!!==---   --==Caution==--  --==Caution==-- --==Caution==--
A new virus has struck!  It now takes the form of smiley faces.
You know what I'm talking about.  They have worked they're way into your
modem!  They corrupts only important documents!!!   :)