HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: Claudio.Terrorist@ed.ac.uk (ObTerrorist)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Yet Another British F^HRail
Date: 8 Sep 92 18:04:53 GMT
Reply-To: Claudio.Terrorist@ed.ac.uk (ObTerrorist)
Organization: The Exploding Hot Drink

In article <43459@skye.dcs.ed.ac.uk> I wrote:

> I eventually got off that train. I'll never use it again.

.. unfortunately, I had to use the train again. Somehow, the idea of
walking instead looked even more peevish. This is good in some sense,
since British Rail officially confirmed the Uncertainty Principle for
Trains.

Now, the Uncertainty Principle is known to all: "There is no way you
can know both the departure and the arrival train of the same train".
Usually, it means that, since you know when your train departed, you
will never know when it arrives. We all know that. We all peeved about
that, when we had to use a train.

I had it officially confirmed. By no less than the station manager
at Waverley Station, Edinburgh, Scotland.

When people reserves a seat, they want to have all the details ready -
when the train leaves, if you have to change, where and when, and so on.
This is reasonable, because the: "I'd like to reserve a seat on a train
which, I think, is between 1am and midnight, and might or might not have
to change somewhere" somehow slows the queue down.

It would be helpful, therefore, it the timetables gave such informations.
In my case, I had all the details ready, but just wanted to check. The
timetable at the station said:

Edinburgh to Bristol T.M.
   16:00 (train destination London)
   change at Newcastle
   arrives at Bristol 22:28

All seems very well, except that it doesn't say *which* train you have to
take from Newcastle to get there at 22:28.

Since I had some time to kill and I was feeling peevish, and since there
is a notice which says: "Please let the station manager know of any
complaints and comments you have", I went there and explained that it
would be nice to have this wee bit of information in the timetable.

"It is impossible" said the station manager "because you could use different
trains"

"Well" answers Claudio.T. "one more reason to tell us *which one* arrives
at that time"

"I can see your point" answers him "but, you see, if you know when it arrives
it is impossible to know when it departs".

I didn't tell him that at Newcastle they seemed to know when it departs.
This, of course, is because they don't know when it arrives. The only
information available there is "Anytime after midnight", which, at least,
was true.

--
The ObTerrorist
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson)
Subject: Re: Boss Peeve
Reply-To: z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson)
Organization: McOlsen's Lutefisk Burgers -- one served.
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 22:33:48 GMT

jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Sigfile Quotes 'R Us) writes:
> z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Evil Incarnate) writes:

>To aid in your visualization, I'm a fair-skinned caucasian, and my nipples
>are a deep dusty rose.  If these colors don't seem right to you get new
>graphics card.

	"Warning: Do not adjust your set.  The color of these nipples has
been set at the station."  But what color was the yak supposed to be?
Does anybody want to take bets on how far Jenny's quote above will propagate
around the net?  I'm betting there's a copy of it on Kremvax by now.

>I like that, Dan.  I hope you don't mind if I appropriate it to piss off some
>of my more PC neighbors.

	Feel free -- anything posted publicly is fair game for usage, as
I believe you will soon discover in various sigs.

>>We.ll have to conduct the inspection
>>using either dry ice or in a meat locker since the Constitution sails on
>>Independence Day, but such trifles can be overcome.

>Well, there's always Mike's suggestion of a pinch test.  Also the little
>buggers pop up by themselves when I'm aroused, but I don't think that would
>be liable to happen if you wre in the immediate vicinity, so maybe the meat
>lockker is our best bet.

	I will not suggest an alternative definition of "meat locker"
because such would likely come back and haunt me later, but the pinch test
requires the nipple be already protruding, hence it would be necessary to
have you either in a cold environment or in a state of arousal.  My visage
is probably not arousing to many women, seeing as how I look like a cross
between Thor and Lemmy of Motorhead fame.  I can live with it.  In any
event, my .gif has already been posted many times for viewing, so you
can make a definitive judgement (which I shall probably ignore) later.

>Well, I don't have a flat spot, but I *can* tie a knot in a maraschino 
>cherry stem with my tongue.  I was doing it for years before Twin Peaks,
>and unlike Sherilyn, I don't need any camera cuts to accomplish this.

	The position of Eye Candy has not yet been filled, nor very well
defined as yet.  I'm sure we can figure out the job requirements and
qualifications soon enough.  Your resume is on file, we'll get back to ya.


--
<Dan Sorenson, DoD #1066 |"I see angels on Ariels in leather and>
<z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu | chrome, Swooping down from heaven to >
<viking@iastate.edu      | carry me home."   ---    R. Thompson >
<ISU thinks I need more education, which they provide for a fee.>
From: scooter@hirgon.hw.stratus.com (Scott Jeffrey)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Broken Mug
Date: 8 Sep 92 19:39:08 GMT
Organization: Stratus Computer, Inc.


Peeve:  I broke my favorite coffee mug on Friday, and the backup holds
only about half as much coffee.

Peeve:  All this talk about haircuts has reminded me that I need to make
an appointment to have mine cut.  The peeve is that my cutter is so backed
up that I need to make an appointment up to a month in advance -- well
before it needs cutting.  I hope I can see her before I attend a friend's
wedding (three weeks away).

scooter

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
+  scooter@hirgon.hw.stratus.com                  Flat Flip Flies Straight  +
+     "I don't care if my lettuce has DDT on it; as long as it's crisp."    +
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
From: padutton@wpi.WPI.EDU (Peter Alan Dutton)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Boss Peeve
Date: 13 Sep 1992 21:50:15 GMT
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
NNTP-Posting-Host: wpi.wpi.edu

jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:
> If you don't believe my testimony, why should you believe any of my friends
> who might post to the net.  The only way to *really* be sure is to come
> to Massachusetts and check 'em out yourself, or send a representative whose
> opinion you respect.

And I was just in Amherst yesterday (seriously - a few friends and I
just had to flee Worcester for a bit). Could have made the day just 
that much more exciting. Damn.

Anti-peeve: Lots of really good-looking women walking around at UMass

Peeve: Very few women of any type here at good ol' WPI. So that isn't
	that special a peeve, I know. But being around UMass yesterday
	just drove the point home. And the WPI "campus" is drab
	enough as it is. Sigh.

Oops: I'm not supposed to be looking anyway.

Peter!

Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: larry@peak.psl.nmsu.edu (Evil Engineer doin' it the Cowboy Way)
Subject: Re: on men
Organization: New Mexico State University, MetaPhysical Science Laboratory
	<laupjbINN13c@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM> <1992Sep11.163708.9199@wetware.com>
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 18:31:01 GMT

In article <1992Sep11.163708.9199@wetware.com> diana@wetware.com (CatWoman ) writes:
Path: nmsu.edu!lynx!umn.edu!spool.mu.edu!yale.edu!jvnc.net!rutgers!sgigate!sgiblab!wetware!diana
   From: diana@wetware.com (CatWoman )
   Newsgroups: alt.peeves
   Keywords: giant toilet bowls, rump deformities
   Date: 11 Sep 92 16:37:08 GMT
   References: <1992Sep9.194913.21584@umbc3.umbc.edu> <laupjbINN13c@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM>
   Sender: news@wetware.com (Usenet News Account)
   Organization: Castle WetWare MouseCatcher
   Lines: 54

	[...]

   It's a ROYALLY Peevesome problem that I cannot just
   quickly go find a tree and relieve the bladder pressure.

   Of course there is a difference between what Banta is 
   describing and having some drunk pee on your car - 
   or your shoes.

   ] Peeve: People, mostly women, that go apeshit if there isn't sanitary
   ] porcelain facilities immediately available.

   It's not the porcelain or the sanitation that's the
   requrement - it's the bogroll.  As someone here a
   while ago said, in response to the eternal question
   of why women seemed to USE so much paper - picture
   a bearded man drinking at a fountain.  I don't know
   if this is true of all women, but my aiming abilities
   are nill with the equipment provided by nature, and
   most of the surrounding area gets soaked.  The facility
   helps to contain the spray - but the paper is still
   helpful in drying off the rest - and I HATE damp 
   sticky underwear that are not the result of an amorous
   encounter with the PYM.

So, Diana virtually *admits* that women cannot write their names 
in the snow. Thank you.

Peeve: The badly mistaken term, "penis envy". Ladies, one of those 
       gets you all of these you want!

Pissing on trees and writing our names in the snow are among the few
sacred rituals we men critters have left..

  (..)
   ~~
L.
"Yeh, Buddy..            | larry@psl.nmsu.edu (Larry Cunningham)|  _~~_
 I've got your COMPUTER! | % Physical Science Laboratory        | (O)(-)
 Right HERE!!"           | New Mexico State University          |  /..\ 
 (computer THIS!)        | Las Cruces, New Mexico, USA 88003    |   <> 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed here are CORRECT, mine, and not PSLs or NMSUs..
Straw? No, too stupid a fad. I put soot on warts.
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC))
Subject: Re: wasted time
Organization: University of Maryland Baltimore Campus
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 21:56:51 GMT

In article <ATAYLOR.92Sep8140928@gauss.nmsu.edu> ataylor@nmsu.edu (Nosy) writes:
><In article <1992Sep8.155600.5140@umbc3.umbc.edu> potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC)) writes:
><   peeve: finding that i do rise to bait. arguing with someone long distance
><	   over something highly emotional and finding that we are on opposite
><	   ends of the spectrum and there's no point in discussing it.
>	That's what you get for reading anything outside of
>	alt.peeves....

actually, it started in peeves. no matter.

>ObPeeve: reading anything outside of alt.peeves (and rec.obguns),
>	 getting in a net.argument as lp describes above and
>	 realizing that I won't even get a halfway decent peeve
>	 out of the experience....just annoyed.

peeve: finding myself agreeing with nosy. gadzooks.

>	Yeah, those people with "BUSH/QUAYLE" or "CLINTON/GORE"
>	bumperstickers are pretty scary, ain't they?

i've seen considerably less political bumper stickers this year than in
past election years. says something.

><   -l "sadly, wiser" p
>	Welcome home, yer burned dinner is in the microwave.

peeve: not that i want my dinner burned but it's very hard to burn something
	in a microwave. it just keeps getting tougher and more leathery. no
	crust. so you can't scrape off the burned part.

-l "but it just keeps getting tougher every day" p

-- 
-lp  **********************************************************************
*   "the *ocean* is affected by the phases of the moon but men aren't?!"  * 
*							--Anne Tucker     *
***************************************************************************
From: ataylor@nmsu.edu (Nosy)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Is this rude or what?
Date: 8 Sep 92 16:30:57 GMT
	<Bu37DB.Go8@well.sf.ca.us>
Organization: NMSU Computer Science

<In article <Bu37DB.Go8@well.sf.ca.us> dasher@well.sf.ca.us (D Anton Sherwood) writes:

<   I hate being asked,

<   "You wouldn't happen to know what time it is, would you?"

	Why? It's a simple question, answerable with a simple
	"Yes" or "No"...

<   Do I really look that hopeless?
 
	Post a .gif if you really want THIS question answered.

ObPeeve: nonpeeves posted to alt.peeves
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: masticol@cadenza.rutgers.edu (Steve Masticola)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Parents who subject their kids to strange
Date: 9 Sep 92 12:14:58 GMT
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.

ben@spitws79.sbil.co.uk (Ben Evans) writes:

  Sherry also went on to spawn a child of her own, and maintaining the 
  tradition named her

      Nixie Alice Rigel

I'm dying of suspense... does she have other children named Vacuum
Fluorescent and Seven Segment Led?

- Steve "Super Twisted Nematic" masticol@cs.rutgers.edu.
From: egpv29@castle.ed.ac.uk (JHenderson)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: L. L. Bean &tc. (Was: on men)
Keywords: profiteers beanies jerry rubin
Date: 14 Sep 92 12:51:59 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

=>In article <1992Sep11.094049.7597@cs.umb.edu> mzraly@ra.cs.umb.edu (Michael S. Zraly) writes:
=>=>
=>=>exception-that-proves-the-rule-!peeve: Sweatshirts with Maxwell's
=>=>equations on them that cost as much as or more as those with MIT or
=>=>Harvard insignia -- c'mon, its not as if they have to pay royalties
=>=>for the use of a trademark for Maxwell's equations...  The !peeve is
=>=>that even a Luddite like my wife (whos's studying chemistry: go figure)
=>=>wants one.
=>
Well that, my friend, is where you're wrong. Please send your royalty cheque
for $50, payable to me, at James Clerk Maxwell Building, Edinburgh.
Thank you for your custom.

MegaMIT!Peeve: Technology Review.

Peeve: Looking for Tony's articles by searching on part of his name and
finding articles about cunnilingus instead.


-- 
=======Jeremy Henderson========egpv29@castle.ed.ac.uk===============
Q: How many user support people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be
   working fine.  Can you tell me what kind of system you have?
From: mark.lewis@madness.network23.com (Mark Lewis) 
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: RE: DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE
Date: 13 Sep 92 19:48:00 GMT
Distribution: world
Organization: Terminal Madness BBS - Newport, RI - 401-848-9069
Reply-To: mark.lewis@madness.network23.com (Mark Lewis) 

-> >I am Nineteen but It still irks me to see a senior citizen being
-> treated >rudely in public.
->
-> That's okay, Crystal.  I, also, am irked to see a senior
-> citizen being treated rudely in public.
->
-> In fact, it irks me to see the gnarled little things in
-> public at all.  They should be kept in closets and fed
-> prunes.  Why must we young and healthy folk be constantly
-> reminded of our own mortality?  Social Security is bad enough.

I can't wait 'till you are one of those
"gnarled little things" so someone can keep you in a closet and feed you
prunes......
                                                             
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman)
Subject: White Trash Names
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 92 04:51:26 GMT
Organization: Loogie Grab Bag o' Fun

In article <122860043@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM> reykja@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Reykja Sigurdsson) writes:
>            Nope. The most proletarian name has got to be "Darlene." 
>Always sounds like white trash. 

Naw. *The* most prole name would be the diminutive of Darlene, "Darla,"
as in "Hey, Darla, what say you and me get in the back of the Ford
and do some bacon makin'!"

Another good prole name is Earl. Funny how in England, titles like prince
and king are reserved for royalty wheras in Ammurica they're reserved for
dogs. Except for Earl. Earl is reserved for slow-witted bumbletons who
wear western-style shirts with cowboys all over 'em when they go to hoist
a few frosty mugs of Lone Star beer.

Dan
-- 
"If I had a million dollars I'd buy you a green dress.
 But not a real green dress; that's cruel."  --Barenaked Ladies
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: on men
Date: 10 Sep 1992 09:36:54 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: boa.cs.berkeley.edu
Keywords: giant toilet bowls, rump deformities

In article <q7sn7tr@lynx.unm.edu> baldwin@carina.unm.edu (Chris Baldwin) writes:
>In article <1992Sep9.194913.21584@umbc3.umbc.edu> potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC)) writes:
>>
>>obcuriosity: do you suppose that after years of wearing a wallet in
>>	the same pocket, men's rumps start to deform to accomodate
>>	the wallet?
>
>Peeve: My wallet causes my knees, hips and back to ache on the side the I
>keep it on. Switching sides only means that both side will hurt.

So wear it in the front.  I've never understood why men have
such a reluctance to keep wallets in their front pockets.  

In fact, if I had to imagine a dumber place to keep a wallet,
I'd be hard-pressed to surpass the hip pocket.  It brings
pickpocketry past profitability and into the domain of ill
sport.  Like shooting foxes.  It's a constant obstacle to
comfortable seating and a thorn in the side of posture.
Lastly but not leastly, it obscures the tush, man's only
presentable sexual organ.

The only motive I can imagine for this custom is squeamishness
at the thought of large, oddly-shaped bulges in one's front
pocket.  This might be a valid cause in some quarters, but
anyone caught espousing it here - well, I don't think even
soc.singles would give him a visa.  He'd have to flee to
alt.romance.chat to find a fit domain for his moral vapidity.

Me?  I keep my wallet in my front pocket.  And a pickle,
too, in case I get hungry.  Appearances aren't everything.

c
From: Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk!Not_Al_Crawford
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Not A Good Day
Date: 14 Sep 92 10:50:43 GMT
Reply-To: Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Not Al Crawford)
Organization: Penicuik People's Revolutionary Sheepdog Liberation Front

Good - a dentist's appointment meant I had an extra half hour in bed this
       morning.

Bad -  for some reason I came down with narcolepsy and could have really
       done with an extra hour instead.

Good - I remembered to switch to a new razor blade this morning.

Bad  - I proceeded to almost cut my ear off with it, blood gushing everywhere.

Good - despite being behind schedule, I managed to get myself ready to
       leave the house in time to get to the dentists.

Bad  - thirty seconds before I went out the door, the 'phone rang.

Good - it was a very short call.

Bad  - it was the dentist's receptionist to say he'd called in sick.

Good - the appointment was cancelled!

Bad  - I've got a new appointment on Wednesday so I'll have to be late into
       work *again*.

Good - since I had time to spare, I decided to go to the Post Office to buy
       stamps for a package I was sending Jenni.

Bad  - due to it being a local holiday next Monday, the Post Office was
       paying out pensions and child benefits a week early. This resulted
       in the Post Office being primarily occupied by little old ladies who
       you'd need to film using time lapse photography to see moving and 2
       year old toddlers who would only show as coloured blurs on even high
       speed film.

Good - it's a local holiday next Monday.

Bad  - I'm a postgrad, I don't get holidays.

Good - the Post Office had 3 positions open.

Bad  - two of them had slow-motion pensioners at them and the counter
       officer at the other was busy counting money *very slowly*.

Good - eventually the queue (which had been out the door) moved forward.

Bad  - I got stuck in the queue behind a little old lady who, judging by
       the speed she moved, must have set out for the Post Office sometime
       in the late Jurassic.

Good - she eventually collected her pension.

Bad  - just as she was turning away from the counter, she remembered she
       had to buy some stamps.

Good - Post Offices are good at selling you stamps.

Bad  - she couldn't remember exactly what sort of stamps she wanted.

Good - the woman who'd been counting the money finished and started to
       serve me.

Bad  - she did this extremely slowly too. I've never seen someone take a
       minute to add #4.55 and #0.40 before.

Good - she eventually managed it with the aid of pencil and paper.

Bad  - I got out of the Post Office just in time to see a bus disappearing
       into the difference.

Good - it turned out it wasn't my bus, that came along two minutes later.

Bad  - my bus was very sick indeed and seemed unable to exceed 20mph.

Good - I got here eventually.

Bad  - I got here eventually.

--
		Not Al Crawford - Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk
      "Brothers, sisters, we don't need this fascist sheepdog thang"
Xref: sparky alt.peeves:14182 comp.sys.mac.misc:16319
From: egpv29@castle.ed.ac.uk (JHenderson)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves,comp.sys.mac.misc
Subject: Re: Byte me
Date: 10 Sep 92 10:54:12 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <01snvz_.rickg@netcom.com> rickg@netcom.com (Rick Gordon) writes:
=>Peeve: Byte magazine has degenerated still further.  I know this is
=>old news, that this dead horse was thoroughly rebeaten less than a
=>year ago in this forum, but really.

First of all I'd like to say that I believe that this is the first ever 
posting cross-posted to alt.peeves and comp.sys.mac.misc.

The last copy of the US version of Macworld I bought had a little card inside
saying that it would not be on sale any more, and suggesting I switch to the
UK version. Now if I wanted the UK version, that's exactly what I would have
done. I bought the US version 'cos *that's the one I wanted*. Anyway, the
little card told me that I'd still enjoy all the great articles, and that it
would be even better because it would be more relevant to the UK. Bullshit.
UK Macworld is about 1/3 as thick as US Macworld, and costs about the same.
It's thinner because:
a)It has far fewer articles
b)It has far fewer ads. This might be an advantage, you say, but you're wrong.
The ads provide a lot of info about new products. Plus, since the dollar is
worth approximately nothing these days, there is even *less* point buying
*anything* for the Mac in the UK, it being miles cheaper to get it mail
order from MacConnection.

Normally, this would merit an angry letter to the Editor, but UK Macworld
have pre-empted me - they haven't *got* a letters section.



-- 
=======Jeremy Henderson========egpv29@castle.ed.ac.uk===============
Q: How many user support people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be
   working fine.  Can you tell me what kind of system you have?
From: booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: The evils of particleboard (Re: Self-Assembly )
Date: 4 Sep 92 17:52:31 GMT
Organization: Autodesk, Inc., Sausalito, CA

In article <la8q03INNkg4@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM> banta@blagg.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking) writes:
>In article <17561@autodesk.COM> booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards) writes:
>>One day, I decided to make a nightstand. It cost 11 dollars. I balked
>>at making a drawer. I just could not figure it out, so there is a hole
>
>You cheat.  You go to Orchard Supply and buy a set of drawer rails.
>If you use the "shop quality" or some such nonsense, they probably
>won't fall apart before the wood is old and mouldering.


!Peeve: Good advice.

Thanks! Now I think I will do that once I am back from vacation.

Peeve: that I am not on vacation already.

ER
--

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I can't help it, I was born sneering."
			-Pooh Bah