HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: st910856@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
Subject: Re: Speed of dark
Reply-To: st910856@pip.cc.brandeis.edu
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1992 14:28:41 GMT

In article <BvAwHr.2C8@ireq.hydro.qc.ca>, beaurega@ireq.hydro.qc.ca (Denis Beauregard) writes:
>>david@c-cat.UUCP (dave) writes:
>>>
>>> There is no such thing as darkenss, only lack of light!
>>
>
>This is a matter of definition.  Let's define light as lack of darkness.
>
>And we could even say that darkness is more powerful than light.
>Take a closed room and add a door.  First, put some light inside.
>Then, isolate the room (cut any wire).  If you used electric light,
>it is turned off.  Now, wait for some time.  If using some burning
>device, it will extinguished.  After a while, room is in dark.
>Thus, light lasts for some time, but darkness is more powerfull
>and can ever kill light, but light can only make darkness sleep.
>
>-- 
Denis Beauregard  *  internet:beaurega@ireq.hydro.qc.ca
Now guys, what if you put some say... Plutonium in the room, You would wait
for some time before IT went out. And how do you know that the light went out
anyway? you can't see into the room right? and if you open the door then you
have opened the system and the observations are not valid.( sorry I had to :)
But unfortunately it is true that even Plutonium will Succumb to dark
eventually.
			Mike Y.
From: 924babik@gw.wmich.edu (Lisamarie Gemma Babik)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Funny Names
Date: 26 Sep 92 12:12:06 EST
Organization: Western Michigan University

In article <1992Sep26.144256.23063@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>, mzabel@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Mark A Zabel) writes:
> In article <alan.8@ps-mail.pass.wayne.edu> alan@ps-mail.pass.wayne.edu (Alan Mo
> en) writes:
>>
>>Exit #69 on I-75 is Big Beaver road...
> 
> No way, man!!  You're pulling our legs.  I know that it's
> 16 Mile Rd!!!!
> 
> -Mark
> 
> p.s.  Is it really exit #69?  I didn't know that.



Yep, that's the exit name and the exit number.
From: m680300b@edinboro.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: summary joke of this newsgroup.....
Date: 28 Sep 92 13:40:41 GMT
Organization: Edinboro University of Pennsylvania


        How many bad comedians does it take to change a lightbulb??


































                           One.
From: harley@engrhub.ucsb.edu (Harley Hahn)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: A STRANGE REQUEST FROM HAYWARD, CALIFORNIA
Date: 27 Sep 92 23:38:51 GMT

From the ba.general group:

In article <23886@sybase.sybase.com> aruna@sybase.com (-name omitted-) writes:

>I am looking for recommendations for a dentist and a gynaecologist in
>or near Hayward.  

Oh my, oh my...
Should I?  Or should I not?

No, I think I'll let it pass...No I can't...sorry...

1) Good idea, get checked out from top to bottom.

2) I knew a woman who was so promiscuous she had to go to the dentist
for a haircut.

3) Just make sure you don't bite off more than you can chew.

4) Who is Hayward?

5) Maybe you can go to one of those multi-service places and get
your stereo fixed at the same time.

6) You must have a REALLY heavy date.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Airplane! scriptclo
From: $ennsnr@brandonu.ca (Neil Enns)
Date: 29 Sep 92 18:06:40 CST
Organization: Brandon University

In article <910427m.11.717688891@ace.acadiau.ca>, 910427m@ace.acadiau.ca (JASON MATTHEW MCDONALD) writes:
> In article <1992Sep27.235911.11105@hubcap.clemson.edu> conradv@eng.clemson.edu (Conrad Vincent) writes:
>>From: conradv@eng.clemson.edu (Conrad Vincent)
>>Subject: Re: Airplane! script
>>Date: Sun, 27 Sep 1992 23:59:11 GMT
>>In article 1LuRRB1w164w@phsbbs.princeton.nj.us, tony@phsbbs.princeton.nj.us (Anthony Foglia) writes:
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>>Can I get a copy too?
>>>
>>
>>
>>May I have one too? 
>>
>>---
>>
>>
>>" All that is required for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing"
>>						            Edmund Burke
>>
>>
> 
> I might as well get on the bandwagon
> 
> Me too
>      ______________________________________________________________
>    /|    ________________    ________ |                            |
>   | |       /  ___  ___ ____    /     |   Jason "Toast" McDonald   |
>   | |      /  /  / /__//___    /      |   910427m@ace.acadiau.ca   |
>   | |     /  /__/ /  / ___/   /       |   Acadia University,       |
>   | |---------------------------------|   Wolfville, Nova Scotia.  |
>   | | "Squeeze me... Baking Powder?"  +----------------------------+
>   | | "A bull behind a tapestry is when you can't see the taurus   |
>   | |    through the frieze."                        +-------------+
>   | | "Save the whales ....  Collect the whole set,  | This space  |
>   | |    trade them with your friends."              |   for rent  |
>   | | "Spam, the choice of a new generation"         +-------------+
>   | | "Probitas lauditur et alget" -JUVENAL          |   0   000   |
>   | | "Keep it up John, and I'll 'HAROUKEN'your ass" |   l   000   |
>   | /------------------------------------------------+-------------+
>   +---------------------------------------------------------------/
>                                               (c) sigfiles inc.

Me too, please!
Thanks
-- 
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

    _/      _/  _/_/_/  _/  _/		Reading furnishes the mind only with 
   _/_/    _/  _/      _/  _/		materials of knowledge; it is thinking
  _/  _/  _/  _/_/    _/  _/		that makes what we read ours.
 _/    _/_/  _/      _/  _/			-- John Locke
_/      _/  _/_/_/  _/  _/_/_/		
					Neil Enns, Brandon University
Disclaimer: Huh?			Internet: $ennsnr@brandonU.ca

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
From: jdd@oliafd.shel.isc-br.com (Judy D. Daniluk)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: cascades, and how to avoid them purple
Keywords: purple
Date: 30 Sep 92 20:37:37 GMT
Organization: Olivetti Advanced Finance Development

In article <1992Sep29.013636.24518@muddcs.claremont.edu> dgreen@jarthur.claremont.edu (David Green) writes:
>In some article s7356911@deimos.ucc.umass.edu (DYLYN) writes:
>->     Avoid cascades -- end all your lines with ``purple''!
>Indeed.  You should do this when you post during spurple.
Or when you're eating pancakes with butter and maple syrple.
Judy Daniluk - Olivetti Advanced Finance Development, Shelton,CT 
uucp address: ...{decvax,yale,philabs,oliveb}!bunker!jdd
Internet:  jdd@bunker.shel.isc-br.com
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rdippold@cancun.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold)
Subject: Re: WANTED -- list of DYSLEXIC JOKES
Organization: Qualcomm, Inc., San Diego, CA
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 03:58:54 GMT

cl129501@ulkyvx.louisville.edu writes:
>If anyone has any more dyslexic jokes or a collection please post it or mail to
>me.  Thanks a lot, 


Dyslexics have more fnu!
-- 
Support the American Kidney Foundation. Don't wear your motorcycle helmet.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: umwawry1@ccu.umanitoba.ca (Brian Frank Wawryk)
Subject: phone answering
Organization: University of Manitoba, Winnipeg, Canada
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 00:26:52 GMT


A guy who I worked with over the summer put the following message
on his answering machine:

[ring] [ring]

"Hi, this is Brian's refrigerator talking.  His answering machine
is broken so I will be taking his messages for him.  If you leave
your name, number, and message, I will write it down and stick
it to myself with one of these little magnets.  Thanks."

When one guy called him, all you heard on his answering maching was
about a minute of laughing and then he couldn't remember the message
he wanted to leave.

-------------
Brian F Wawryk
University of Manitoba
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
From: ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: MEGA Tagline file
Date: 5 Oct 92 18:57:23 GMT
Article-I.D.: nntp_ser.28588
Reply-To: you@ems.cdc.com
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of CDC

In article <1an041INNgcg@golem.wcc.govt.nz>, rolleston_c@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz (Chris Rolleston) writes:
|> And here it is folks, all 1800 lines of it, Enjoy.
|> [That's if this thing can handle 1800 lines.]
|> 
|> ---- If you cut here you will ruin your monitor ---
|> "640K ought to be enough for anybody." Bill Gates '81


No, No, No,


it was "64K is all that is needed with any PC.", Adam Osborn
From: k748700v@edinboro.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Want MONTY PYTHON SCRIPTS
Date: 5 Oct 92 19:31:39 GMT
Organization: Edinboro University of Pennsylvania

I have a copy of the monty python "holy grail" script...(in cleveland)
and if you e-mail the address I will sent you a copy when i go home next,
in 3 weeks. As for the flying circus you can buy the scripts with some
stage directions in them in two volumes availible at most walden books and
the like style stores (of course if the Claifornia area is anything like
edinboro, you are still out of luck)

kev

Ribbit
From: pw15@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Philip  Wang)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: something my sister said this summer
Date: 4 Oct 92 05:10:33 GMT
Reply-To: pw15@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Philip  Wang)
Organization: Columbia University

I hope all of you are familiar with the two games Monopoly and Life (a game
by Milton Bradley. Monopoly you all should know). If you're not familiar with
both games you won't get the joke.

Anyway, my parents, sister, and I wanted to play a board game and I wanted to
play Monopoly. But my sister started school the next day so she said, "No, let's play Life. It's shorter."

Gosh, I didn't know Monopoly was such a long game!

philip



PHILIP WANG pw15@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu 
"On the other side jesters keep their watch, fifteen million lives ready to be
lost. We come from the northern headlands, the warriors of ice come to cleanse
the world, destroy the human sacrifice." - HOLOCAUST, "The Nightcomers"
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes,alt.folklore.computers,aus.computers
From: iam30974@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Ivan Something)
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1992 01:36:24 GMT

hees@cubic.com (Phil Hees) writes:

>"It's 5:00 AM: do you know where _your_ power switch is?"

No, but it's definitely not on laugh mode.
:)

--
-ivan	(gosh, those smileys sure get you out of alot of things, dunnthey?)

-- 
Plato said it best when he said that his opinions were his alone, and not
necessarily those of the CCSO.   ___________________________________________
__________________________	|Of course, that's why he's where he is,    |
iam30974@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu |	|and I'm where I am... but I agree with him!|
Xref: sparky rec.humor:30549 aus.jokes:1502 alt.folklore.computers:14840 aus.computers:317
From: brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (David Bromage)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes,alt.folklore.computers,aus.computers
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Date: 6 Oct 92 23:34:34 GMT
Organization: Epicentre of the Universe
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]

NATHAN WHEAT (11437294@eng2.eng.monash.edu.au) wrote:
: 
: Oh geeeez!   Look I askedc people NOT to involve me in this anti-neo-nazi 
: regime!  Please do NOT involve me in the neo-nazi regime OR the anti-anti-
: neo-nazi regime!!  I'll have no part in any racism against less intelligent 
: beings, even if they DO use Macintosh!!
: 
: bloody . .&&^*  bastar....$&*()# can't take a simple.. .(*&(*&^  [mumble 
: mutter grumble]
: 
: Nathan.
: 
: PS:   hehehehe   calm down guys... it's only a joke  :-)

Now look here people, this just got out of hand.

Your options are	1) Terminate this thread.
		    or  2) Rename this thread.


Cheers
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Bromage       brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au   : 
Monash University                                : "I think thinking is 
Clayton, Victoria   				 :  so important"
 Australia                                       : 	-Baldrick
 						 :   
     May the source be with you			 :     
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
	All views expressed are my own except those which conflict with
	my personal opinions.
From: jdare@math.rutgers.edu (James Ananda Dare)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: REQUEST: Grosser than Gross Jokes...
Date: 26 Sep 92 23:47:53 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.

In article <1992Sep21.182931.17125@btree.uucp> avila@btree.uucp (Jose Avila) writes:

> Can someone send me a compiled list of Grosser than Gross joke?
> Joe Avila

A.  I would like the list, too.

B.  If it is Grosser than Gross jokes you are looking for, you might
    try reading alt.tasteless, and alt.peeves if you have access to
    these groups.

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| James A. Dare          | Hammered a screwdriver into my ear, to my brain.   |
| E-mail:                | I'm watchin' my life swirl down the drain          |
| jdare@math.rutgers.edu | And I'm feelin' about as Abel as Cain              |
| Snail-mail:            | But I guess that that's the price of fame          |
| P.O. Box 4104          | When you're destined to live on a STREET OF SHAME! |
| Highland Park, NJ      |                        --Foetus                    |
|            08904-4104  ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|                        | I saw an x-ray of a girl passing gas!              |
|                        |                        --Butthole Surfers          |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.|
|	   		-- Vice President Dan Quayle                          |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: al@escom.com (Al Donaldson)
Subject: drink your milk... NOT
Organization: ESCOM Corporation
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 07:02:03 GMT

Doctor Spock (beam me up, scottie) and other pediatricians
came out with an announcement today that cows' milk may be more
harmful than beneficial for young children.  It seems that 
milk contains more fat than any other calcium source, and may
be polluted with growth drugs, etc.

Next week the good Doctor is expected to give an announcement 
that it really is OK for 3-year olds to play in the street.

Al
From: s462075d@edinboro.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Jolly Green Giant
Date: 30 Sep 92 13:04:26 GMT
Organization: Edinboro University of Pennsylvania

The Jolly Green Giant will announce his presidential canidicy soon.


Has a slogan already made up:


No-No-No NEW TAXES!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dvorak@extro.ucc.su.OZ.AU (Darko Volaric)
Subject: Re: Funny Names
Organization: /etc/organization
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1992 08:10:13 GMT


I work with a fellow who has a friend who's name is Mr Death. He works as
a the media relations man for the local aviation authority.

He recently changed his name to Deeth.

- Darko Volaric

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jss@kepler.unh.edu (Spectre)
Subject: Re: smilies
Keywords: smilies emoticons
Organization: University of No Holidays - UNH - East somewhere
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 22:38:16 GMT

In article <25SEP199217000976@erich.triumf.ca> music@erich.triumf.ca (FRED W. BACH) writes:
>
>   What does the net think about the word "emoticon" ?

To put it bluntly        :-(


-- 
'Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up'
|         Jeff Schreiber               | "The way to ski these things [moguls] |
|       jss@kepler.unh.edu             |  Is to go to total panic..............|
|    j_schreiber@unhh.unh.edu          |  Then....Back off." -Mike Hatrup      |
               My opinions are mine and only mine. I don't care 
               if they are wrong and you can't have them anyway!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Agnostics and Athiests
From: $ennsnr@brandonu.ca (Neil Enns)
Date: 28 Sep 92 11:09:58 CST
Organization: Brandon University

In article <Bv3K0F.435@knot.ccs.queensu.ca>, Colleen Davis <cisc124@jeff-lab.queensu.ca> writes:
> Subject: Re: Agnostics and Athiests
> From: David Schwantner, davids@hpsdde.sdd.hp.com
> In article <19spn1INN75t@hpsdde.sdd.hp.com> David Schwantner,
> davids@hpsdde.sdd.hp.com writes:
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>IF THIS DOESN'T STOP, IM GOING TO START
> THE WORST 
>>CASCADE EVER.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>WHILE EATING THIS SLOP, I SEWED THE FIRST
> BROCADE BEAVER.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>BILE FITTING RIG STOP, LIE SPEWED THIRST
> LIVER !!!!
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>IF YOU MUST CONTRIBUTE, AT LEAST DELIVER...
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>WHO MAY I ATTRIBUTE TO THIS BEASTLY SLIVER?
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>TO SPAY A LUTE IN A GREASY RIVER
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>DAMN CASCADERS THINK YOU'RE SO CLEVER
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I WILL NOT CASCADE; NOPE, NO, NEVER
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>WOULD YOU, COULD YOU, ON A TRAIN?
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>WOULD YOU, COULD YOU, IN THE RAIN?
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>R2-D2 ON THE BRAIN?
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>This cascade is damn insane!
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>And it's really getting lame!
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>POST IN CAPS YOU WEIRDOS, WHAT ARE YOU DEAF ?
> !!!!!!!!!!!!
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>YOUVE RUINED MY RIGHT EAR, HOW 'BOUT THE LEFT?
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>LEFT AT THE NEXT LIGHTS, UNLESS RED
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>THIS SILLY THING IS SOMETHING I DREAD, 
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>BETTER I SHOULD BE BUSY IN BED !
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>WANKER, GIVE THY HAND A REST!
>> >>>>>>>>>>>NAH! THIS AIN'T REC.HUMOR AT ITS BEST.
>> >>>>>>>>>>SURELY YOU JEST?
>> >>>>>>>>>THIS IS A TEST.
>> >>>>>>>>SO BE OUR GUEST.
>> >>>>>>>TESTING, TESTING, ONE TWO THREE.
>> >>>>>>RETURN OF THE MONSTER CASCADE, HEE HEE HEE! 
>> >>>>>THIS WASTE IS COSTING THE NET MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, DON'T YOU AGREE?
>> >>>>I PREFER CABERNET SAUVIGNON WITH BRIE
>> >>>I THINK ALT.CASCADE IS BEST FOR POSTS LIKE THESE 
>> >>I HOPE THIS DOES'NT GET OUT CONTROL SO WHY DON'T WE FREEZE???
>> >OH DEAR FRIENDS, LET'S KEEP IT GOING, PLEASE!
>> IF ANYONE ENDS THERE SENTENCE WITH "ORANGE", WE CUT THEM OFF AT THE
> KNEES!
> I NEVER SHOULD HAVE COME DOWN FROM THE TREES!
BUT I GOT BLOWN OUT BY A SNEEZE 
-- 
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

    _/      _/  _/_/_/  _/  _/		Reading furnishes the mind only with 
   _/_/    _/  _/      _/  _/		materials of knowledge; it is thinking
  _/  _/  _/  _/_/    _/  _/		that makes what we read ours.
 _/    _/_/  _/      _/  _/			-- John Locke
_/      _/  _/_/_/  _/  _/_/_/		
					Neil Enns, Brandon University
Disclaimer: Huh?			Internet: $ennsnr@brandonU.ca

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From: jhsegal@wiscon.weizmann.ac.il (Livy)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: American joke (oxymoron)
Date: 5 Oct 92 18:23:46 GMT
Organization: Weizmann Institute of Science, Computation Center

In article <VANDER.92Oct3184232@vancouver.stars.flab.Fujitsu.co.jp> vander@flab.fujitsu.co.jp (Mike van der Velden) writes:
>
>I'm surprised that no one has mentioned this yet, but one of the
>funniest things about Americans is their system of measurement!
>
>16 ounces = 1 pound (where did the abbrev "lb" come from, anyway?)
>12inches = 1 foot
>3 feet = 1 yard
>5280 feet = 1 mile
>
>and then you've got fluid oz vs. the regular kind.
>2 cup = 1 pint
>2 pints = 1 quart
>4 quarts = 1 gallon
>
>144 square inches in a square foot
>
>The (very sad) list goes on and on....
>
>
>Even, the British, where the old imperial system of measurement was
>invented, are switching to metric.  I believe that the US, along with
>a little country called Burma, are the last nations on earth that
>still officially use the imperial system.
>
>Nice to know that they're on the cutting edge.  :)

You are SO right!!
I think I didn't hear something SO right for ages!
Are they really assholes,or what?
Even their grades: the 100F = the human body temperature(and Farenhite the idiot
 measured his temperature when he had fever,so it's ~38C),and the 0F=~-18(again
 Farenhite the idiot got out from his house in a winter day(-18C),and said it
 is SO(?!!?) cold,that this must be the 0,and colder than that is impossible).
 It is totaly incorrect,and non-scientifical..but..heh..Americans..
 
 ---------------This Was Another L I V Y ' S  Production----------------------

  __     __  __    ___ __     _     ___   __
    |      |   \     /   |     \       \    | VM/CMS:
    |      |    \   /    |    _ \       \   | JHSEGALL @ Weizmann.weizmann.ac.il
    |___   |       /     |    _  \    |  \  | UNIX:
        |  |      /      |   /    \   |     |  JHSEGAL  @ Wiscon.weizmann.ac.il
From: corwin@ensta.ensta.fr (Gilles Gravier)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Messy translations
Date: 29 Sep 92 19:52:17 GMT
Organization: Ensta, Paris, France
NNTP-Posting-Host: ensta.ensta.fr


	Here, in France, we are surrounded by English speaking countries and
German speaking countries... You would think that this fact should make us
good at both of these foreign languages? Well, think again... Here is a sample
of what our industry has to offer in the area of translations:

	The product is Cocoa Sorbet (BTW, *VERY* good - I recommend it), by a
company (French) called "Les Gourmandises de la Charlotte". On the box is
written information in French, English, and German. But, read for yourselves:

	* French text *

Preparation: Pour apprecier toute la saveur de ce sorbet, le sortir de votre
congelateur 10 minutes avant de le deguster. Bon appetit.
Conservation: Plusieurs mois dans votre congelateur. Ne jamais recongeler apres
decongelation.

(I would translate as:

Use: To fully appreciate the flavor of this sorbet, remove it from your freezer
10 minutes before you eat it. Enjoy!
Storing: Several month in your freezer. Never re-freeze after defreezing once.

Which I think is not laughable...)

	* English text on the box *

Preparation: To appreciate all the savour of this sorbet, to leave it your
freezer 10 minutes before tasting it. Good appetite.
Conservation: Several months in your freezer. Never recongeler after defrosting.

	* German text on the box *

Vorbereitung: Alles Savour dieses Sorbetts zu schaetzen, um ihm ihre
Gefriermaschine zu lassen 10 minuten vor schmecket sie. Guter Appetit.
Erhaltung: Einige Monate in ihrer Gefriermaschine. Nie recongeler nach dem
entfrosten.

I let you be judges...

Cheers!

-- 
 This message has been brought to you by Gilles GRAVIER - corwin@ensta.fr
                       ***** Amber Forever! *****
    I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am
       sure, you realize,  that what you heard is not what I meant.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: philv@swifty.dap.CSIRO.AU (Philip Vaiciuris (See Tony Farmer))
Subject: ??????
Organization: CSIRO, Division of Applied Physics, Sydney
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1992 00:56:10 GMT

Q: if it takes a week to walk a month,
   How many seeds are there in a banana ?




A: if you don't know then e-mail me.......
From: kmanley@fc.hp.com (Keith Manley X4027)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: I'd love to but...
Date: 29 Sep 92 20:28:53 GMT
Article-I.D.: fc.BvCww6.GwF
Reply-To: kmanley@fc.hp.com
Organization: BIT SLINGER From Know-Wear
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1.3 PL6]

I'd LOVE to, but ...
	-- I have to floss my cat.
	-- I need to spend more time with my blender.
	-- it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
	-- it's my night to pet the dog/ferret/goldfish.
	-- I'm going downtown to try on some gloves.
	-- I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
	-- I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
	-- I have an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
	-- I have some really hard words to look up.
	-- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting.
	-- I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
--
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most
insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are
required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and
exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
		-- George Bernard Shaw