From: sms@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (steven.m.stein)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Date: 8 Apr 92 19:11:01 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: AT&T

In article <1992Apr8.162859.17414@ultra.com> stcroix@ultra.com (Bill St. Croix) writes:
>In article <1992Apr7.174958.28007@cbfsb.cb.att.com> sms@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (steven.m.stein) writes:
>>
**My stuff deleted for the sake of not being redundant**


>What makes you think your "opinion" is any better than anyone elses?  I
>think that is pretty self righteous and opinionated on your part.  Your
>basically saying that people are gonna say either 'go for it' or 'you're
>a no good slime if you do that' and that they are "opinionated" because
>they do take the same view about this as you do. 
>
If you would take the time to understand what it is that I am saying 
rather than taking offense and just defending yourself (when you weren't
even being attacked), you would endure a lot less self induced stress.
I never implied that my opinion was any better than anyone elses.  I
have never felt my opinion was any better or worse than anyone elses.  
I just simply stated that it was "my" opinion.  I did so in a
"non-critisizing manner.  My complaint was directed toward
those who are judgemental, blind to any other way but their own and those
who belittle others for thinking or feeling different.  I honestly do not
feel that I took this approach.

>Sure, it is always good to be on the "winning" side in a romance.  But, the
>way I determine whether or not I'll do something is to put myself into
>the place of that person.  Would I like to have someone persue my SO?  How

Good approach.  I do the same quite often.

>would I feel if she left me for someone else?  How would I know that she
>would have stayed with me if he hadn't come around?
>
>Personally, I wouldn't want someone to persue my SO.  If she left me for

Maybe you should lock her up in a cage in your basement so you can ensure
that no other eyes other than yours will fall upon her body and snatch
her away from you.  Listen, I never said that I encourage this behavior.
I never said that it wouldn't hurt the other person involved.  BUT,
unless you do lock her up in your basement, there is that possibility
(probably slight), that someone might slip on up to her and express an
interest.  At that point, it's up to her to say "yes" or "no".  If your
relationship with her is secure, you have nothing to worry about.  If
it's not, you probably would loose her anyway.  Does it matter how?
Whether it's to someone else or not, it will still hurt.  I am secure
enough with who I am and what I have to offer that I am not paranoid
over every other guy in the world and worry that just anyone can walk
up and steal the girl I might be dating at the time.  But shit does 
happen and I can't avoid it.  Actually i can, by making sure that my
relationship stays strong and fullfilling for both which would automatic-
ally reduce the chance of her being "tempted by the fruit of another".

>someone else, I'd be hurt much more than if she just said things weren't
>working out and that she wanted to take time off from dating.  It's not
>easy to be told that 'you aren't as good as this other person', but it does
>and could happen.  Lastly, I don't know if she would have left me on her
>own.  But I'd rather her be able to decide on her onw that it was me that
>she didn't like (or that we weren't 'compatible' or whatever) than to have
>someone else helping her with the decision and having alterior motives.

If she left you for someone else, she left you on her own.

> 
>If they aren't happy in their situation, then it is time to break up
>or get a divorce.  If they want extra attention, buy a damned puppy
>dog!
>
Now I understand why you are sooo insecure over the possibility of
loosing your girlfriend to another.  You consider "extra attention"
to be only appropriate for a dog, not another human being or a woman
you might be in love with and who might require a little more from you
than you may be giving.  Maybe you'd be better off with a dog.  You'd
have more control over it's behavior.  And they seem to offer this
unconditional love no matter what you do or don't do.


>What about the choice of the other person that is involved with the
>person you are wooing??  I guess their feelings don't matter.  Seems mighty
>selfish and inhuman, to me.
>
If she don't care for him anymore, she don't care for him anymore.  
I'm not responisble for that.

>We all know that it comes down to everyones "personal opinion" about
>what to do in these kinds of cases.  In these cases, right and wrong are
>defined by the person who makes the decision.

Exactly !!!!

>Just remember, you aren't the only one that has to live with the 
>consequences of your actions.  All the people involved in the relationship

Don't agree.  If I had to suffer the consequenses for things everyone 
else in the world does, I would have ended my life a looooong time
ago from the stress.  I suffer the consequenses of my own actions.  Others
suffer the consequenses of the actions.  Although, at times, the two may
be related to the same series of events.

					steve					

>that is broken up (depending on the stage ie married, engaged, dating) are
>going to be affected in some way.
>
>	Bill
Newsgroups: alt.romance