From: middleto5442@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
Subject: <None>
Date: 9 Nov 92 06:57:54 -0600
Organization: University of Northern Iowa



        Ever feel like yer being watched?
        I left a message on my answering machine, sez: Scott and I aren't here. 
We're out back disguised as giant crickets with laser guns aimed at YOU cos
everybody is after us.  Leave a message, we'll get to it, cos we're perfectly
safe now.  Hey you, watch where yer walki---squit.  Beeeeeeep.
        Super-realistic squit it was, too.  Bwahah.

        For those of you who play muds:

        Jericho steps out of a misty portal.
        Jericho bows deeply like a rubber duck with a pulley in the middle.
        Jericho bounces around like a rubber duck on speed.
        Jericho throws his head back and quackles with glee!
        Jericho says: I like you.  Would you be my friend?
        Jericho grins like a duck with a flexible beak.

        You wish you were elsewhere.

        Muhahah.  Okay, so I'm bored.  But this is alt.stupidity and if anyone
belongs here, IT IS ME.  Ook.

        So you go through the drive thru at McDonald's...on yer bike.  The
voice in the box asks you if you would like anything else;  say: Could I have
this to go?  It'll take him/her a second...after all, they work with fast food
and slow minds...what can you do?

        I fully believe that NO SMOKING IN BUILDING means no exhalation.

        Is rice krispies in chocolate milk the same thing as cocoa krispies in
white milk?

        Deep....

        What if people's names were numbers?  If Jill was 2 and Jack was 2 then
Jack + Jill would be 4, but 4 is Sam!

        Ooooooo I scare myself....

        So I'm driving in Des Moines...I realize how much I missed my dad. 
Missed him by less than a fucking foot!  Bwhahahaha...agile little sucker, for
his age...

        I'm a bartender...I notice that after about 1:15am...everyone remaining
in the bar becomes an absolute dipshit...things I have actually heard people
say:

        "Gimme a pitcher of Lite.  Pour it heavy."
        Stands:  "You can call me slow, and you can callme brave, but....I
forget."  Sits.
        "Pitcher of Bud."  'We're out of pitchers.' "Gimme a pitcher of Lite,
then!"
        "Do you take checks?"   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
        "what do you have in cans?"  'This is a bar...not a convenience store.'
        "Do you have any Shlitz?"  (moan)
        "A can of Busch Light."  'We don't have Busch Light.' "Okay, a Busch
Light bottle, then."  (sigh)

        I mean really.  Just absolute dipshits.  Incredible.  Inbelievable. 
But.  They have dates, and I don't!  What is wrong with this picture, America? 
What is so insoluble about this male/female thingy that I just can't grasp
a hold of?  Hell's Bells, God, I try, don't I???  Blah blah blah religionblah.
        Geez.  Seems like ya gotta treat a woman like shit to get them to
respect you for the manly man you are pretending to be.  Really.
        I am not a manly man.  I read 3 books a week...I sit at home and drink
herbal tea and burn incense and listen to classical music and fondle animals
and natural, colm things like that.  Just cos I don't
play/watch/follow/live/eat/breathe/masturbate to sports....(sigh)
        Gender is futile.  Religion is laughable.  Virtue is unattainable. 
Evil is unassailable.  Stupidity rules, and blackness descends over the land
that we call home...why?  Peace and prosperity inevitably fall before the
sickle of greed and corruption...love and romance are stricken with VD's and
stereotypes...Bob Barker now has white hair.  ACK!  Where does this all lead?
        It seems there is only one asnwer...

        To the End of the Line.  But what to find there?  Hope and laughter
above all?  Or more of the same mamby-pamby political-societal-economical-
religious-ethnocentric-farcical jumble of bullshit we left behind?  Does the
human race bite it whatever we do?  Is there really any hope at all?  Does Diet
Coke truly beat Diet Pepsi in taste tests?

        Does it really matter?

        I don't think so.  Bhahah.
        I had a friend once.....
        Naw, that wasn't me.

        Deepness has it's limits. Off the end I go, and into blackness as
profound as...Quayle's asshole.  I dunno.  The metaphor eludes me.

        Try not to catch my novel when it comes out.  It may result in brain
retardation.  Bye now.  (Bwhahahah)

------------------- Jericho

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