From: Michael Rosen <mirrosen@silver.ucs.indiana.edu>
Subject: TWIW!
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 92 06:45:06 GMT

***********************************************************************
                         This Week in Wrestling
 
This show is a joint production of UWeMail and the Lightfinger Sporting
Network, and is property of the World Electronic Wrestling Federation,
all rights reserved, (c) 1992.
 
This show is brought to you by Busch Light, the Beer Drinkers Beer, 
Budweiser, the King of Beers and Molson Export. Nothing halfway about it, 
Ex says it all!
 
Magilla: Hi, this is Magilla Mongoose...
 
Wince:  ...I'm Wince McLady...

Misty: ...and I'm Misty Radisson...

All:   Welcome to This Week in Wrestling!
 
Magilla: We'll be comin' atcha each week, investigating the week that was,
        and pondering the week that will be in this crazy world of
        e-wrestling. Our roving reporter, Green Jean Oktoberfest, will
        bring us up to date on all the latest rumours. And our special
        guests will give their expert opinions on what could happen in
        the near future!
 
Wince:  We're looking forward to some interesting interviews including
        a very important taped message from the General!

Magilla:  Because of the long time frame between issues, only the more
          recent submissions will be included...

Wince:  But won't that get writers mad?

Magilla:  I hope not.  I think people would be more angry with out of
          date postings and entries...

Wince:  OK, I'll take your word on that one...

Magilla: Let's get started with Grean Jean Oktoberfest, and the Rumor Mill!
*********************************The Rumor Mill********************************
**************************With Green Jean Oktoberfest**************************
Green Jean:  Well, it's been fairly silent out there since the big tag
             team tournament...  Here's what I've heard...

The General and Molly McQuire are having an affair.

Aries Prime is having an identity crises trying to figure out if he wants
  to wrestle like Van Vader or Gorgeous George. 

The Hellcats are vegetarians.

Lurch is trying out as a backup singer for Michael Jackson.

The Armed Forces have been unemployed since the recent budget cuts in
  the pentagon.

The General Machine was Larry Brown.
******************************************************************************

DeMandable:  Now let's see a taped interview of me and that gutless
             pinhead Ace Diamond.

(Cut to Mark DeMandable inside the ring doing an interview with Ace Diamond.)
 
DeMandable :  Well, folks, you don't know how "excited" I am to be interview
    this next man, the cry-baby of E-Wrestling himself, Ace Diamond.
 
Ace  :  DeMandable, I don't like you or your attitude, so shut up and let me
    explain something.  I'm upset with the fact that my wrestlers are being
    over looked for title shots.  It's been one thing after another, and I'm
    sick of it.  And now there's this rumor that my TNT Enterprises is fueding
    with the Mage's Gallery, which I might add is untrue.  So all I have to say
    is...[DeMandable cuts him off.]
 
DeMandable :  Wait a sec, I think we've got someone who disagree's with you on
    a couple of things, let's hear what he has to say.
[Fender Marshall makes his way down to ringside accompanied by two of his lovely
 valets and steps into the ring.  Mark shakes his hand.]
    What's up Fender?
 
Fender :  You know, I'm sick and tired of DUD Enterprises constant whining about
    their lack of title shots, we'll let's face it Rhinestone, your men are all
    loser!  Meatball Calhoun couldn't take Mosh in a singles match up.  And your
    FOOLs Meatball and Flintstone got run out of the UeWF because they're afraid
    of the Headbangers.  I hope you can find a new team pretty soon, because
    we're getting tired of waiting for some new saps to slap around.  Just
    because the UeWF is temporarily out of action doesn't mean you're safe.
    As a matter of fact, maybe it's about time we started slapping you around.
 
Vince :  Fender just slapped Ace in the face!  And Ace just belted Marshall one!
    The crowd is going nuts!  Wait a sec, the Headbangers just rolled out from
    under the ring, they're beating on Diamond.  Oh no, they're setting him up
    for the Stratto-Smasher!  Mosh leaps from the top rope and nails him!
 
Fender(grabbing the mike):  I told you Duece Rhinestone, don't mess with Noize
    Boize Productions, but you didn't listen, now you're going to pay for it,
    you poorman's version of me!  After we're done with you and Powderpuff,
    Misty is ours!  You....beat it guys!
 
Vince :  Here comes Powerhouse Pruitt to help his manager, the Headbangers bail
    out of the ring. I hope Ace is ok.
(end tape)


Wince:  I can't believe it!  These two great forces are finally going at
        it head to head!

Magilla:  I am very surprised!

DeMandable:  I love it!

Magilla:  Let's hear a very important message from the General...


<Roll Tape>
Baboon:  This is Baboon Tempest here, with e-wrestling living legend, the
         General and his men, the Hoosiers.  For several weeks, you have
         been alluding to a big announcement...  Are you ready to make it?

General:  Yes....   I came into e-wrestling at the start of the WeWF...  I
          worked my tail off for the federation...  Over my career, I have
          held many national and international belts in the WeWF, including
          the American title which I presently hold.  In addition, I've
          won the North American title from another un-named federation.
          During my tenure in the WeWF, I've won the World title a record
          5 times!  I brought in the Hoosiers, two of my best students, and
          they have successfully watched my back, and won the WeWF tag team
          title on two occasions...

Baboon:  We are aware of your numerous accomplishments...  What are you 
         trying to say?

General:  The three of us are going to retire from e-wrestling with the
          old way of the WeWF!

Baboon:  I can't believe it!  You are the last pillar of the old WeWF!  
         You are finally calling it quits?  Why?

General:  I have set out to accomplish many tasks, and I have completed
          them all with respect to e-wrestling...  Now I have other tasks
          to concentrate on, like winning a 4th NCAA crown, disciplining
          a spoiled brat of a son, and trying to play par golf!

Baboon:  And what of your Hoosiers?

Erik:  I need to concentrate on the draft.  If that falls through,
       I'll look to starting a career in the business world.

Baboon:  And you Daemon?

Daemon:  I've got to work on my jumpshot and staying out of foul trouble.

Baboon:  I can't believe this!  We will never see the legend, no the DYNASTY
         of e-wrestling ever again!

General:  That is not true...   We will have one last match...

Baboon:  And what is that?

General:  At the summit of e-wrestling in June, I challenge all my past and
          present friends and foes to enter a battle royal with the Hoosiers
          and myself...

Baboon:  And this would be open to anybody?

General:  Anybody and Everybody!  This is your last chance to ever take on the
          General!  Flint, Steel, Mr. Roddy, Black Widow, Klingons, LAW,
          Four Corners, Cochons, Juggernaut, Yin & Yang, and anyone else who
          wants to hang in the ring with us, bring it on!

Baboon:  A strong challenge!  What do you plan on doing between now and then?

General:  I plan on training, doin' some fishing and relaxing a bit.

Baboon:  Well, you and your boys deserve the rest.  I am still stunned...
<End tape>

Magilla:  I can't believe it, the General retiring!  He was truly a legend
          in e-wrestling.  I can't imagine e-wrestling without his colorfull
          interviews...

DeMandable:  I can, and with good riddance!

Wince:  I'm stunned...

Magilla:  While we contemplate this, let's take a look at a new man
          that Bwana is introducing to e-wrestling!

(Camera opens to a clearing in a forest at midnight.  Bwana "the Great White
 Hunter" and his protege Rasta Batu 'The Voodoo Priest' are here.  Batu sits
 near a fire with odd colored smoke coming from it)

Rasta: (staring into the fire) Tell me Oh great Jobo, tell me who what the
       future holds for Rasta Batu. (throws some chicken blood into the fire)
       Yes I see now.  You are telling me that Bwana, here, holds the key.
       While I have the power, he alone has the vision to guide that power.

Bwana: That's right Rasta, it seems that even a greater power then money binds
       us.  Under my guidance the ranks of the EMWA will perish before you.
       Their SOULS shall be your trophies and their BELTS shall be mine.

Rasta: Even now, I can here the fools talking. They think they are safe, they
       pretend that nothing is wrong.  But I can also sense the fear underneath
       all of that. The fear of suffering, the fear of death, the fear of
       RASTA BATU!   

Bwana: With the power of the Dark-side behind us there isn't a single person
       with any hope of standing up to you and me. For those of you out there 
       that are stupid enough to think you can defeat Rasta Bata, let me 
       tell you that right now you're living on borrowed time, and we're coming
       to collect!

(end tape)

Magilla:  His men are going to be featured in one of our TWIW title bouts
          this evening.  Let's hear what they had to say.

(Camera opens to the inside of a Mausoleum, Bwana 'the Great White Hunter' is
 standing here in between 2 silver coffins.  The coffins open and out come
 the Unknown Assailant and the GraveRobber wearing the TWIW Tag Team Belts)

Bwana: Well they said it wasn't possible, that big bad Flint and Steel were
       more then we could handle.  Well they got off easy if you ask me, and
       whoever those bikers were I just want to let them know that the next
       time they try anything like that we'll be ready and waiting.  But enough
       of them, now it seems that Carnage hasn't had enough.  A steel cage 
       grudge match huh?  Well it doesn't matter, as you can see my Alliance has
       no fear of anything, and this time we'll beat you even worse then last.

Assailant: (looks at his belt) Ah gold, my favorite color. I like it so much 
       that I've been stealing it from others all my life, but not this time.
       This time we got it fair and square thanks to the TWIW finally finding
       a ref who really knew how to do his job.  Carnage if you think you can
       take away OUR GOLD, you're in for a real nasty surprise.

GR :   I have a whole pile of corpses in my collection and now this belt to add
       to the top of that pile as my crowning achievement.  But it seems that I
       made a small mistake, two of the supposedly corpses wern't completely
       dead yet.  Carnage, it seems you have managed to come out for one more
       final death-crawl.  We shall turn the steel cage into a fitting memorial
       for you, a team that managed one final gasp before succumbing to the
       inevitable.

Bwana: One more thing, I know learned insight when I see it.  Mark DeMandable
       you knew right off to go with the AA, and for that We're dedicating this
       match to YOU.

(end tape)

DeMandable:  Dedicating the match to me?  I'm honored!  Must mean that 
             they're gonna win!

Wince:  They have some tough competition...  We'll have to see.

Magilla:  It should be an intersting match nonetheless..

Magilla:  And we are finally getting ready for the big TWIW TV singles title
          defense.

DeMandable:  The Hangman has had a long time to rest while we've been
             dealing with the tag team situation.

Magilla:  Indeed.  Here he is facing his arch-enemy in the IWF, Uncle
          Nasty.

DeMandable:  Finally, we'll get to see a brawl worth the price of 
             admission.

Magilla:  The readers should note that both men have tag team partners
          who were barred from ringside.

DeMandable:  It's a crock if I ever heard one!

Magilla:  Well, there's been a lot of interference in the past, and
          the commisioner wanted to keep it down.

DeMandable:  It looks like Uncle Nasty is coming to the ring first.

Magilla:  He's the challenger, and that's usually how it works Mark.

DeMandable:  Wait, that cheap-shot artist is charging to ringside before
             Nasty can get to the ring!

Magilla:  The Hangman clubs Uncle Nasty from behind with a power forearm!

DeMandable:  And this is a champion we can be proud of?

Magilla:  The fans are loving it as the Hangman powerslams Uncle Nasty on
          the ring floor!

DeMandable:  The Hangman rolls Nasty into the ring, and follows him in.

Magilla:  Big Elbow drop by Hangman, which sends Nasty into convulsions!

DeMandable:  It's been all 1 sided since the cheapshot!

Magilla:  Nonetheless, the Hangman picks up Uncle Nasty and goes for a 
          neckbreaker!

DeMandable:  Beautifull block by Uncle Nasty!

Magilla: Block???  He nailed the Hangman in the groin!

DeMandable:  Nasty follows up with some great technical wrestling!

Magilla:  Are we seeing the same match?  A rake of the eyes is not 
          technical wrestling!

DeMandable:  It is in my book!  

Magilla:  Uncle Nasty tosses the Hangman over the top rope!

DeMandable:  He follows him out and whacks the Hangman with the
             scorer's table!

Magilla:  The Hangman gets up though!  He's one tough man to hold down!

DeMandable:  Uncle Nasty is tossing everything in sight at him!

Magilla:  A chair, the ringbell, a coke, DeMandable's headset, nothing
          is slowing the Hangman down!

DeMandable:  Uncle Nasty goes back into the ring, and is quickly followed
             by the Hangman!

Magilla:  Big knee to the head by Uncle Nasty as the Hangman enters the ring!

DeMandable:  Nasty goes for the splash!

Magilla:  He hits!  1-2

DeMandable:  Powerout by the Hangman!

Magilla:  Hangman threw him through the ropes with that powerout!

DeMandable:  Hangman follows, looking for some kind of cheapshot!

Magilla:  Clothesline by the Hangman outside the ring!

DeMandable:  Nasty is looking hurt!  He's on his back!

Magilla:  Big legdrop outside the ring!  Nasty is out cold!

DeMandable:  The Hangman looks to his fans, and the snot-nosed pukes 
             pull out their miniature nooses.

Magilla:  The Hangman goes for his own noose!

DeMandable:  This is a wrestling match, there's no call for that!

Magilla:  The Hangman ties the noose around Uncle Nasty's neck, and
          then hoists him over the top rope!

DeMandable:  There's absolutely no call for this!  Somebody should do
             something!

Magilla:  Uncle Nasty has done many a bad thing to the Hangman in the past!
          What goes around comes around!

DeMandable:  Here comes Goliath!  He won't stand for this!

Magilla:  Goliath is in the ring quickly and gives the Hangman a double
          fisted smash to the back of the neck!

DeMandable:  The Hangman turns around and gets a roll of dimes right between
             the eyes!  I love it!

Magilla:  Goliath picks up the Hangman and press slams him over the top
          rope!  He follows him outside the ring, and powerslams the
          unconcious TV champion outside the ring!

DeMandable:  Beautiful!

Magilla:  Here comes a host of jobbers to break everything up!

DeMandable:  Where's the Hangman's partner?  Is something wrong here?

Magilla:  I do not know!  What I do know is that both the Hangman and
          Uncle Nasty took a huge beating!

DeMandable:  Once again, the Hangnail keeps his belt as a result of
             a disqualification.

Magilla:  Indeed, but Goliath made him pay very dearly for it!

DeMandable:  We are ready for our next bout!

Magilla:  This is a cage rematch of one of our TWIW TV Tag Team Title
          Tournament Matches!

DeMandable:  It is a rematch of what I call the finals!

Magilla:  On the one side is Crash and Burn, Carnage, and on the other,
          our newly crowned TWIW TV champions, the Annihilation Alliance!

DeMandable:  I'm looking forward to a true brawl!

Magilla:  Carnage is already in the ring...  Let's hear the announcer
          introduce their opponents...

Announcer: Introducing, being led to the ring by thier manager Bwana 'The Great
           White Hunter', here is the team of the Unknown Assailant and the 
           GraveRobber.  The TWIW Tag Team Champions....THE ANNIHILATION
           ALLIANCE!

DeMandable:  Why don't you explain TWIW cage rules to these spudheads!

Magilla:  TWIW cage rules are similar to that of WCW.  No DQ or countout,
          fights end in a pin or submission.

DeMandable:  And Lord Plunder and Bwana are giving each other glares
             outside the ring!

Magilla:  Crash, the larger member of Carnage will go up against the
          Graverobber, a man who knows his shovel!

DeMandable:  Crash is big, at about 280 pounds, but still not match
             for the physical force of the Graverobber!

Magilla:  The Graverobber goes for a big fist, but Crash blocks it and
          nails him with a bix axehandle to the forehead!

DeMandable:  That doesn't phase the Graverobber, who levels Crash with
             a clothesline!

Magilla:  He picks Crash up and hurls him headfirst into the cage.

DeMandable:  A tag to the Unknown Assailant, a man who is certainly
             lacking a few marbles!

Magilla:  A few?  All these men are lacking many marbles!

DeMandable:  He goes for a clothesline, but Crash ducks!

Magilla:  He goes for another clothesline!

DeMandable:  Crash ducks again!

Magilla:  Power forearm by Crash!  The tosses the Unknown Assailant into
          the ropes!

DeMandable:  He telegraphs a backbody drop!

DeMandable:  The Unknown Assailant stops and powerbombs Crash!

Magilla:  Burn climbs to the top turnbuckle and drops and axehandle on
          the unsuspecting back of the Unknown Assailant!

DeMandable:  This is a NO DQ match, remember!

Magilla:  That move bought Crash enough time to tag!

DeMandable:  Burn is a wildman!  He dropkicks the Unknown Assailant!

Magilla:  He knocks the Graverobber into the cage with a flying forearm!

DeMandable:  He climbs to the top rope, but the Unknown Assailant is 
             almost to his feet!

Magilla:  Flying dropkick by Burn!

DeMandable:  No!  The Unknown Assailant caught his feet, and he catapults
             the much smaller man into the cage!

Magilla:  I can't believe the brutality already displayed in this match!

DeMandable:  Burn luckily hits by his own corner, and Crash tags in!

Magilla:  Burn is busted wide open, and looks in need of medical attention!

DeMandable:  The unknown Assailant charges Crash, who belly-to-belly
             suplex's him!

Magilla:  A rare scientific move displayed by a brawling team!

DeMandable:  The Graverobber climbs over the top rope only to be met by
             a fireman's carry!

Magilla:  Another technical move!  I wonder if this is Plunder's doing!

DeMandable:  Crash goes to Suplex the Graverobber, but the Unknown 
             Assailant grabs him from behind and Atomic Knee Drops him!

Magilla:  And the Graverobber runs him through with a flying tackle!

DeMandable:  Bwana grabs the shovel and tosses it into the cage!

Magilla:  Wait, Burn leaps into the ring and catches it!

DeMandable:  He tags the Graverobber with it!

Magilla:  Then he tags the unknown Assailant with it!

DeMandable:  Burn goes to the top of the cage!

Magilla:  What's he gonna do?

DeMandable:  He does a double somersault splash onto the Graverobber!!!

Magilla:  What an incredible move!  He's going to the top of the
          cage again!  What more can he do?

DeMandable:  Flying headbutt onto the breadbasket of the Unknown Assailant!

Magilla:  Bwana is getting very nervous outside the ring!

DeMandable:  Burn goes to the top of the cage again!

Magilla:  This type of punishment can end a career!

DeMandable:  I tell you what Bwana's gonna do, he's grabbed his blowgun
             and he nails Burn in the Butt!

Magilla:  Burn falls to the floor outside the cage!  

DeMandable:  Listen to him scream in agony!  I think he broke his leg!

Magilla:  Plunder breaks a chair over Bwana's head, and then goes to
          check out his man!

DeMandable:  He's screaming for an ambulance!

Magilla:  Inside the ring, Crash gets up first and rams his two opponents
          head together!  He looks like a man possesed.

DeMandable:  Even still, it's two on 1!

Magilla:  Indeed, Crash goes to pound on the Graverobber and the Unknown
          Assailant headbutts him from behind!

DeMandable:  The Graverobber holds Crash down as the Unknown Assailant
             delivers first a legdrop and then a big elbow!

Magilla:  The Unknown Assailant climbs to the top of the cage!

DeMandable:  He flies and hits crash with a loaded mask headbutt!

Magilla:  Crash is hurting as the Unknown Assailant takes his turn holding
          the injured man down.  

DeMandable:  Kneedrop from the top of the cage!  Follows with a cover!

Magilla:  1-2-3!!!!!

DeMandable:  The Annihilation Alliance retains their championship belts!

Magilla:  And Carnage really had to pay dearly!

DeMandable:  Quoting you, indeed!  But hey, they did it for me!

Magilla:  A stretcher has come for Burn!

DeMandable:  Meanwhile, Eddie Awesome has come to help his manager up.

Magilla:  Bwana has ammassed quite a stable.  Beating his team will
          take quite a lot of work.

DeMandable:  So who wrestles next week?

Magilla:  Well, we are going to take the top contenders to be determined
          by the EMWA.  We're gonna see what that federation has to offer.

DeMandable:  This has been quite a week.

Magilla:  Indeed, actually several weeks since we've last been out.

DeMandable:  Time for you meatheads out there to send in challenges, threats,
             interviews and rumors for next week's TWIW.

Magilla:  And we'll try to recover from all of this week's excitement and
          the big bombshell dropped by the General!

*******************************************************************************

Administrative Notes:
1) Here are the commisioner's addresses...
WeWF = craig@ukpr.uky.edu & andra.cs.widener.edu - note the change
UeWF = u93_mwhittak@vaxc.stevens-tech.edu - soon under new management
IWF = nexus@ncar.ucar.edu
EMWA = v124jw4y@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu - note the change

2)  I am planning on retiring with the General.  Actually, I can hold out
until May 7 or 8, but after that I graduate and move on to Proctor & Gamble
at Cinci.  I'm very unclear as to what kind of net access I'll have there.
PLEASE LET ME KNOW ASAP IF YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN TAKING THE REIGNS OF TWIW!!

3)  It's been a while since the last TWIW as I was out at the Final Four, and
then catching up with classes and other assorted BS.  Besides, the tag team
tournament took up a lot of time.  I'll try and put the next one out by
next Sunday.

4)  I recently merged the mailing list with a new WeWF one...  If you're
on twice, let me know.

5)  Why have the commish's stopped sending me league reports?

6)  I don't have an EMWA list of members...

7)  Keep the faith!
------





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