HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: markw@cltr.uq.oz.au (Mark White)
Subject: Articles wanted for Magazine on Open Systems
Summary: Contributions wanted for The Source
Keywords: ACS open systems
Organization: Centre for Language Teaching and Research, Uni of Queensland, AUSTRALIA.
Distribution: aus
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1992 23:49:22 GMT


		THE SOURCE - OPEN SYSTEMS ISSUE
		*******************************
		
"The Source", the monthly publication of the Queensland Branch of the ACS,
is seeking contributions of articles or profiles for the November 1992 issue.
The (intentionally very broad) theme for this issue is "Open Systems", and
contributions from both commercial and non-commercial organisations would be 
welcomed.  A list of potential topics might include:

		An Overview of "Open Systems"
		Case Studies of OS implementations
		Development of Standards
		Network Management
		Overview of an Open Systems-based product

However, prospective authors should feel free to suggest their own topics.
Deadline for contributions is about 6 weeks away, but it would be preferable
to organise contributor lists in advance.  Articles with either a technical
or managerial bias (or both :) are equally welcomed.  

If you can suggest someone else in your organisation who might be better
placed to submit an article for the magazine, please pass this message on
to them.  I'd appreciate to hear from any prospective contributors by the
end of this week (Friday September 18th).

Advertising in this issue is also available at VERY reasonable rates-- please
contact me for details.  "The Source" is currently distributed to over 1600
Information Technology professionals throughout Queensland, both decision
makers and those who influence decisions.

Thanks in advance,

Mark White
ACS Queensland Branch
Publications Sub-Committee
--
Mark White                                        | 
National Centre for Studies in Travel and Tourism | EMail: markw@cltr.uq.oz.au
James Cook University of North Queensland         | Fax:   +61 7 371 8485
P.O. Box 705 Indooroopilly QLD 4068  AUSTRALIA    | Phone: +61 7 870 9212
Newsgroups: aus.students.overseas
From: s921411@minyos.xx.rmit.oz.au (Choon Moh Ivan Lim)
Subject: Singaporean Newsgroup
Organization: RMIT Computer Centre, Melbourne Australia.
Distribution: soc.culture.asean
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 01:41:57 EST

I like to know if there is a Singaporean newsgroup exists in the internet
news. If not, how can I start one! I hope someone out there can answer the
queries I had mentioned. The reason for this, is that I like Singapore
students studying around the globe to contribute news, articles or personal
experiences to this newsgroup. To keep in touch with fellow singaporean is the
aim of this newsgroup. Of course, invitation is extended to peoples from other
nationality, races or culture to contribute if anyone is interested in the
topics.

Looking forward for someone who can enlighten the queries mentioned above..
Till then Many Thanks in advance....
						  Yours;
						      Ivan

Newsgroups: aus.students.overseas
From: rns@munta.cs.mu.OZ.AU (Robert Noel STURROCK)
Subject: Re: Standard of Living
Organization: Computer Science, University of Melbourne, Australia
Distribution: aus
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 12:53:47 GMT

kaic@mullian.ee.mu.oz.au (David Chan) writes:

>	Would any Australian reading this newsgroup like to comment? It would
>be good to hear a few things from the people who actually have to make do with
>Austudy.

I would like to comment as someone who does not get Austudy!  But could sure
use it!  The original poster, aside from omitting lots of things, and
underestimating losts of other things; forgot to mention that not everyone
gets the full amount of Austudy.  To be eligle, your parents income + assets
must be below a certain figure.  In addition, there are rules about where you
live, and how old you are..

Then, given that you are eligible, the amount you receive will also depend
on you parents combined income etc..  In my case, I was not eligle, since my
parents' combined income was deemed too high.  All this despite the fact that
I have scarcely a penny in the bank and don't even live with my parents!
I manage to survive (just!) from my tutoring work.  It would certainly not
be possible for me to do so for an extended period, tho' (ie. after this
year).  The amount that I earn is probably around; or just above the
maximum Austudy benefit.

Even if you do receive the full benefit, I doubt that you would be able to
survive very well on it.  You would certainly be considered below the
poverty line.

Austudy's days are numbered, in any case.  Get ready for loans.



Rob
Newsgroups: aus.students.overseas
From: rns@munta.cs.mu.OZ.AU (Robert Noel STURROCK)
Subject: Re: An Aussie's ReplySKIP
Organization: Computer Science, University of Melbourne, Australia
Distribution: aus
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 12:39:55 GMT

I wrote:

>>> Unfortunately, most Australian tertiary instituation, courtesy of the
>>> government, are now forced to chase the candidates who can afford to
>>> pay, and so naturally turn towards overseas.

>> Could Rod explain why that it is "unfortunate" that Australian
>> tertiary institutions accept students who can pay and who are from overseas.

>I don't find it "unfortunate" that Australia accepts full fee-paying
>students from other nations.

>However, I do find it "unfortunate" (and this is the meaning I think Rob
>tried to purvey) that Australian tertiary institutions have such funding
>problems that they are now forced to have more overseas students filling
>tertiary places.

Yes, this was my meaning.  I was objecting to the fact that tertiary
institutions in Australia are now forced to chase dollars wherever they
can.

>Basically, the government are inadvertently using overseas students to
>bolster such university capital costs as required.

>It is saddening that the education budgetary dollar gets spread thinner every
>year, and declines in real terms on a dollars allocated per student enrolled
>basis.

>I don't think Rob meant that it was "unfortunate" that Oz accepts o/s
>students, but rather meant that o/s students were being used to fund our
>universities as Oz students require federal funding which is not forthcoming.

Yes, this is precisely what I meant.  Sorry if this was unclear...



Rob
Newsgroups: aus.students.overseas
Subject: PhD scholarship (East Timor issues)
From: D.Tambunan@massey.ac.nz (D. Tambunan)
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 92 09:25:08 GMT
Organization: Massey University, Palmerston North, New Zealand
X-Reader: NETNEWS/PC Version 2c

Hi there,
Does anyone out there know whether any university in Australia offer
a PhD scholarship (Political studies) on East Timor issues? If you
happen to know any university of organization that I can contact, please
let me know. I appreciate for any info.

Don Tambunan
Department of Soil Science
Massey University
Palmerston North
New Zealand
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: act@csc.canberra.edu.au (Cyclops)
Subject: Re: NZ
Organization: University of Canberra, Camaroon
Date: Wed, 16 Sep 92 02:00:59 GMT

In article <1992Sep16.005731.8120@csc.canberra.edu.au> Rodney <rjw@csc.canberra.edu.au> writes:
>Q: "Do you smoke after sex?"
>
>A: "No, I don't move fast enough."
>
>
>p.s. Don't you hate the smell of burning rubber?

Hey Rodney that's the punchline, like where's the lead up, to wit:

A guy goes to the whorehouse to find that there's only one lass left and
she's got the clap.  Being a kiwi he'll do anything so he promises to where
a franger(phranger if you're a sibilant type) and so off upstairs he goes.
Anyway his next questions is' "Have you got a peg?", "Yes", etc etc and
She asks why and Rodney that's where you stick the punch line. Now get it
right next time!

BTW why do brothels in multi-storey buildings go bankrupt?
Well yer see there's to much f...... overhead!!

act@csc.canberra.edu.au       ceteris paribus
Look Once...         .-)      
   Look TwEyece..    .-) .-)       
      Half See...    .-)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Trying to make up lust - I mean lost ground!
From: lesley@cavebbs.welly.gen.nz (Lesley Walker)
Date: Sun, 06 Sep 92 11:59:20 GMT
Organization: The Cave MegaBBS, Public Access Usenet, Wellington, NZ

act@csc.canberra.edu.au (Cyclops) writes:
>Q.	Mummy mummy, what's an orgasm?
>A.	I don't know, ask your father.

"Mummy, how do lions make love"

"I don't know, honey, all your father's friends are in Rotary"


-- 
  -=- The Leather Goddess (aka Lesley Walker) -=- Wellington, New Zealand -=-
        lesley@cavebbs.welly.gen.nz                      Vote for MMP!
   DoD#258 -=- Yamaha XV1000 -=- Yamaha XS650 -=- Ford Cortina -=- Altos 586
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: Brad Hughes <brad@uts.edu.au>
Subject: When sex is called "washing"
Organization: CCSD, University Of Technology Sydney
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 00:03:31 GMT
X-Xxmessage-Id: <A6D4CE82FC022403@microshop-02.ccsd.uts.edu.au>
X-Useragent: Nuntius v1.1.1d9
X-Xxdate: Thu, 10 Sep 92 10:05:54 GMT


Did you hear about the couple that liked to refer to having sex as
doing the washing?

They went to bed one night and the husband said to his wife:

"Do you feel like doing some washing?"

"No" she replied, "I have a headache."

Later that night the wife was awake and feeling much better, so
she woke her husband and asked him if he felt like doing the washing
now.

His reply:

"No, that's ok.  It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

----
Brad Hughes                             \        brad@uts.edu.au
Microcomputer Shop, CCSD                 \        Phone:  +61 2 330 2465
University Of Technology, Sydney          \        Fax:  +61 2 330 2475
PO Box 123, Broadway  NSW  2007. Aust.     \        "Lunch will eat itself."
From: jpotter@sirius.ucs.adelaide.edu.au (Jonathan Potter)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Women and pizzas
Date: 15 Sep 92 04:06:08 GMT
Organization: Information Technology Division, The University of Adelaide, AUSTRALIA
NNTP-Posting-Host: sirius.itd.adelaide.edu.au

We've all seen the list of reasons why Beer is better than a Woman. Now,
at the risk of being sexist, I'd like to start a list of why a Pizza
is better than a Woman. Here's one to start the ball rolling :

Why is a pizza better than a woman ?

-- Because you can order pizza without anchovies

-- 
| Jonathan Potter |                              | A                       |
| P.O. Box 289    | jpotter@itd.adelaide.edu.au  |   Suffusion             |
| Goodwood, SA    | FidoNet : 3:680/829          |               Of        |
| Australia  5034 |                              |                  Yellow |
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: guy@trofis.tfrc.csiro.au (Guy Carpenter)
Subject: Re: request for greenie jokes
Organization: CSIRO Tropical Forest Research Centre
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 92 23:49:57 GMT

spuler@coral.cs.jcu.edu.au (David Spuler) writes:

>Does anyone know of any good jokes relating to the green movement?
>Any particularly relating to greenies and tourism?

Does this qualify?:

What's the difference between a greenie and a developer?

- a greenie has a house in the bush,
  a developer wants a house in the bush.

-- 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
CSIRO Tropical		P.O. Box 780             Work : (070) 91 1755
      Forest		Atherton Q 4883          Fax  : (070) 91 3245
      Research		Australia                Home : (070) 95 3309
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: ccasm@cc.newcastle.edu.au
Subject: Re: Funny disgusting t-shirt designs !
Organization: University of Newcastle, AUSTRALIA
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 05:06:42 GMT


> In article <1992Sep3.160853.3711@darwin.ntu.edu.au> jewells@nutmeg.ntu.edu.au (Leigh Jewell) writes:
>>I am appealling to the inventive and witty nature of this news group
>>to see if anyone has any ideas for a t-shirt design for a new society thats
>>been formed.
>>
Of course there is the old one about the IBM T-shirt. (that's not the joke,
although come to think of it IBM would never have a corporate T-shirt)

Anyway, it had Official IBM T-shirt on the front

On the back it had "this space left intentionally blank"



Big Al
From: dmackay@peg.pegasus.oz.au
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: -=- Is my brain working -=-
Date: 5 Sep 92 01:10:00 GMT
Nf-ID: #N:peg:993800053:000:819
Nf-From: peg.pegasus.oz.au!dmackay    Sep  4 20:10:00 1992


IS MY BRAIN WORKING ?

Pre-senile dementia afflicts 100% of the adult population at some
time or other. The symptoms are temporary but indicative of
troubles to come.

The first signs are losing ball-point pens or pencils and/or
mixing up the names of the subject's children. The patient may
recover temporarily then, or may sink further by either 'writing
lists of important things' or 'forgetting birthdays'.
Hospitalisation may be needed when this latter turns out to be the
patient's own birthday.

The chemical process that goes on in the brain is not exactly
known but there seems to be a desire in the patient to live in the
past. A feeling that time is passing very quickly occurs,and if
asked suddenly to name a record in the Top Ten the patient may
very well mumble inaudibly.

IS THERE ANYTHING TO BE DONE ?
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: s902114@minyos.xx.rmit.oz.au (Zen [Stuart Bishop])
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Funny disgusting t-shirt designs !
Date: 12 Sep 92 18:13:18 GMT
Organization: RMIT Computer Centre, Melbourne Australia.

jdb@arp.anu.edu.au (John D. Barlow) writes:

:)I was a student at the Australian National University.
:)hence I was an

:)	Australian
:)	National
:)	University
:)	Student

:)and proud of it.  (of course, some people may say I'm still an ...)

Well... luckily RMIT recently TOOK OVER phillip institute  of technology.

If we had amalgamated, we would have probable become

	A malgamated
	R oyal
	M elbourne and
	P hillips
	I nstitute of
	T echnology

	Quite apt, we thought... :)
-- 

 _____                      Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom Boom.
//  //    __                                                           //
   //    /  \   I\ I                    for a good time call          //
  //    (--     I \I  alias                       zen@rmit.edu.au    //
 //      \__/   I  I  Stuart Bishop                                 //
((_________________________________________________________________//
From: tourloup@latcs2.lat.oz.au (Vasilios E. Tourloupis)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Virus Alert
Date: 10 Sep 92 07:59:06 GMT
Distribution: aus
Organization: Comp Sci, La Trobe Uni, Australia


I found the following article in the CYCLOPS magazine that gets distributed
by Cybec Pty. Ltd. along with their update of VET anti-virus software.


**** Major Virus Alert ****

The Bob Hawke Virus - easy enough to remove, but reappears every 60 minutes.

The Harold Holte Virus - was prevalent but mysteriously disappeared and
hasn't been seen for a number of years.

The Steve Vizard Virus - originally a joke program, but now very ineffective:
on its way out.

The Derryn Hinch Virus - puts programs into a Shame File which it only digs
up again when it can't find anything better to do.

The Keating Virus - a very destructive virus, believed to be derived from a
stolen copy of the Hewson virus; has already destroyed a large section of
Australian industry.

The Ros Kelly Virus - seen everywhere; characteristics - very loud beeps,
whistles and bells.

The Gareth Evans Virus - often seen overseas.  Causes smoke to be emitted
from the P.C.  Turn it off straight away.

The Fred Nile Virus - shifts all output to the extreme right of the screen.

The Hewson Virus - it is rumoured that the author of this virus is still
determined to demonstrate that he can write a more destructive virus than
the Keating Virus.

The Christopher Skase Virus - empties your account then makes your P.C.
disappear.

The Peter Harvey Virus - makes deep noises and gives its location as
Canberra.

The Elle McPherson Calendar Virus - you know you've got it if you can't
get through the crowd of men round your P.C. with their tongues hanging out.



If anyone else has more of these "virus infested" jokes, could they please
post them, or email them to me directly.

Thanx in advance,

Vasilios E. Tourloupis - tourloup@latcs1.lat.oz.au
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: Brad Hughes <brad@uts.edu.au>
Subject: When sex is called "washing"
Organization: CCSD, University Of Technology Sydney
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 00:10:10 GMT
X-Xxmessage-Id: <A6D4D00F32032403@microshop-02.ccsd.uts.edu.au>
X-Useragent: Nuntius v1.1.1d9
X-Xxdate: Thu, 10 Sep 92 10:12:31 GMT


Did you hear about the couple that liked to refer to having sex as
doing the washing?

They went to bed one night and the husband said to his wife:

"Do you feel like doing some washing?"

"No" she replied, "I have a headache."

Later that night the wife was awake and feeling much better, so
she woke her husband and asked him if he felt like doing the washing
now.

His reply:

"No, that's ok.  It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

----
Brad Hughes                             \        brad@uts.edu.au
Microcomputer Shop, CCSD                 \        Phone:  +61 2 330 2465
University Of Technology, Sydney          \        Fax:  +61 2 330 2475
PO Box 123, Broadway  NSW  2007. Aust.     \        "Lunch will eat itself."
From: prem@prem.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Bit Risky
Date: 8 Sep 1992 19:45:50 GMT
Organization: Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory
Reply-To: prem@prem.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
NNTP-Posting-Host: prem.lbl.gov

In article <1992Sep4.001418.11006@cs.su.oz.au> allanc@cluster.cs.su.oz (Restless Wanderer) writes:
 >
 >Bwhaaaaabwhaaaa
 >
 >Sometimes I kill myself ;-)
 >

	Good Idea.   =:^)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Anyone know how to spell Altzhiemers
From: 8914357b@levels.unisa.edu.au
Date: 5 Sep 92 12:00:05 +0930
Organization: University of South Australia

In article <1992Sep2.234353.3292@cerberus.bhpese.oz.au>, russell@cerberus.bhpese.oz.au (Russell Sparkes) writes:
> It's probably not spelt that way, but another way could be craft, 
> or possibly CRAFT.
> 
> Can't Remeber A F*@kuing thing.
> 
> Sincere Apologies to those suffering
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why bother apologising.......

It's not as if they are going to remember that you paid them out.....


> -- 
> Russell Sparkes, BHP Information Technology, Newcastle, Australia
> Bits: russell@cerberus.bhpese.oz.au         Voice: +61 49 40 2132
> "Say it with flowers - Give her a triffid" - not me.


Munster...
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: NZ
From: meachen@med.wcc.govt.nz
Date: Mon, 7 Sep 1992 03:45:28 GMT
Reply-To: meachen@med.wcc.govt.nz
 <1992Aug31.001019.15747@bby.com.au> <1992Sep1.041724.11269@peponi.wcc.govt.nz>,<act.420.0@csc.canberra.edu.au>
Distribution: aus
Organization: Wellington City Council, Wgtn, NZ


In article <act.420.0@csc.canberra.edu.au>, act@csc.canberra.edu.au (Cyclops) writes:
>
>Why do Kiwi's keep their sheep near cliffs?
>
>Because they push back harder!
>
>act@csc.canberra.edu.au       Eye t'ought Eye taw a putty tat.
>Look Once...         .-)      
>   Look TwEyece..    .-) .-)       
>      Half See...    .-)         

Ah But...

A New Zealand business recieved an order from a Australia for 50,000
condoms. The dimensions required were impressive: 40 cm long with a
10 cm diameter.

The manager after much consulation withn his employees decided it was
just another case of Aussie bragging.
"Make them", he ordered, "but stamp them: Made In NZ - medium size."

--
Red
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: s1073863@giaec.cc.monash.edu.au (Andrew Norman)
Subject: Re: A joke is a Joke
Organization: Monash University, Melb., Australia.
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 04:13:19 GMT

ccasm@cc.newcastle.edu.au writes:


>What's brown and sticky?



>A stick!


>(from the D-Generation)

>Big Al.

Don't you mean a joke form Live 'n' Sweaty?
It was during the Go-Cart Race for comedians. When they had a pit stop, the
person had to tell a funny joke.

Andrew Norman.
s1073863@giaec.cc.monash.edu.au
Monash University College Gippsland.
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: ednstras@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au (Michael Strasser)
Subject: Re: Funny disgusting t-shirt designs !
Keywords: supercalifragilisticexpialladocious
Organization: ITC, Griffith University, Brisbane, Australia
Date:  8 Sep 92 23:53:04 GMT

You know the Nike slogan "JUST DO IT".  I recently saw a woman wearing a
T-shirt which had on it:

	JUST DID IT

-- 
Mike Strasser                       Internet: M.Strasser@edn.gu.edu.au.
Faculty of Education                Fidonet:  3:640/308.2@fidonet
Griffith University
Brisbane, Australia
From: 9125113g@lux.latrobe.edu.au (Mitch Davis)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: feminist joke
Keywords: feminist
Date: 8 Sep 92 04:46:08 GMT
Organization: La Trobe University

In article <557@parasol.cs.uq.oz.au> s305152@parasol.cs.uq.oz.au (Spider) writes:
>How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
>
>
>Three -- One to change the bulb,
>	 One to write about the socket being exploited,
>	 and one to wish she were the socket.

Or alternatively:

Three -- One to change the bulb, and two to fantasize about the
        penetration of the bulb into the socket.

Mitch.
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: act@csc.canberra.edu.au (Cyclops)
Subject: As She was writ
Organization: University of Canberra, Camaroon
Date: Wed, 16 Sep 92 03:00:23 GMT
From: lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Truth is stranger than Fiction
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 92 11:33:47 PDT
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
  <1992Sep15.042155.9246@cs.rose-hulman.edu>

YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK, CALIFORNIA 
A paraplegic who lost the use of his legs in a climbing accident nine years
ago, is currently attempting a climb of Half-Dome's sheer wall, and is
attracting much media attention here in California. Unfortunately, he fell
off today, and doctors say he has lost the use of both his arms.

Our reporter jocularly asked the man whether this sent a message to others
that "some people never learn". The man is reported to have snarled back
"Fuck off, bubba, or I'll bite you in the knee".

ANTARCTICA
NASA has sent up an ozone-monitoring satellite today, responding with some
urgency to reports that massive ozone depletion here has caused widespread
genetic mutation in the blue whale population. Initial assessments indicate
that the average IQ of the mammals has increased five-fold, and that the
beasts are now routinely intercepting and decoding human communications  
from a variety of sources. This is believed to account for recent radical
behavioural changes in the population, which is massing in large numbers
off Tierra del Fuego, and is rumoured to be about to invade Argentina
in what is described as "a massive reprisal for 150 years of bullshit".

PAPUA NEW GUINEA
Anthropologists from Oxford University made what they believed to be first
ever contact with one of the last "lost tribes" on the planet today.

The Yum, a jungle/hill people, were located by chance from a helicopter
and an expedition immediately despatched on foot, taking over two weeks
to establish contact with this shyest of peoples.

Researchers were initially dumbfounded when members of the tribe took apart
their Sony camcorder and commented that "they really screwed up on the dynamic
range of the input stage" - in perfect French.

Police worldwide are now mounting a massive global campaign to ascertain
the whereabouts of Flamenque Q. Nastie, the infamous renegade criminal
anthropologist. In the past, M. Nastie has been responsible for corrupting
the native technologies of several "virgin" peoples in the Amazon basin.
In one incident, he spent considerable time converting the Wanami's habit
of using the blowpipe for hunting. The tribe now relies exclusively on 
Patriot Missiles, exported illegally from Peru. Other abuses include
dietary radicalisation - one river people subsists, due to Nastie's 
pernicious meddling, entirely on Diet Pepsi and Twinkies.
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
| lord snooty @the giant |  Would You Like Fries With That?                |
| poisoned electric head |              andrew_-_palfreyman@cup.portal.com |
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

act@csc.canberra.edu.au       ceteris paribus
Look Once...         .-)      
   Look TwEyece..    .-) .-)       
      Half See...    .-)