From: amanda@INTERCON.COM (Amanda Walker)
Newsgroups: alt.magick
Subject: Re: (Was Shielding) Now: Letting shields down.
Date: 10 Sep 92 02:55:20 GMT

> >The strongest shield you can mount is perfect 
> >love.  Love overcomes fear, and transforms enemies into friends. 
> 
> Don't know if I'd go this far.  I'd settle for being 
> disinterested -  not always, but most of the time.

I would, for one simple reason--the opposite of love is indifference, not 
hate.  The only way I know of to truly resolve any conflict is to understand 
the position of your "opponent."  Not just recognize it, but understand it.
This is very, very hard.

> But it keeps you stuck in the mud with everyone else too.  And it sounds 
> like just another type of shield. 

Yes and no.  Yes, it's a "shield" of a sort, but it is one by being a source 
of strength rather than an application of power.  There's a difference.  
After years of trying other approaches, I have had to conclude that it's the 
only approach that actually works.  To take a rather banal example: Usenet.  
I'm a frequent poster to this newsgroup and alt.pagan, and evidently well-
liked and respected as such, despite being Christian and quite open about it.  
Unconventional, I will grant you :), but Christian nonetheless.  And as a 
result, I get challenged about it on a quite regular basis, from both 
Christians and everyone else.  Some of these challenges are simple confusion, 
but a fair number are what by Usenet standards are fairly vicious flames.  I 
could get defensive and try to counter them, or cynical and ignore them, but 
I don't.  I respond honestly, often agreeing with and sharing many of the 
complaints people throw up as "evidence," but trying to show why I see things 
differently.  And it works.  I've (to my surprise) had people write back 
saying, "wow, you've changed my mind about some things; I'll have to go think 
about this."  For similar reasons, I've ended up on quite cordial terms with 
even the resident curmudgeons like Josh, and have taken incipient flames and 
ended up in fruitful discussion (as was the case recently with Carol, for 
example).

The key is that I'm not afraid of being challenged, and that I take even my 
"opponents" or "detractors" very seriously.  I assume to start with that 
people are not being randomly malicious, and have their own reasons for doing 
what they do.  This turns out almost always to be the case, and learning what 
those reasons are is far more effective than the strongest defense in the 
world.

Now, don't get me wrong--there *are* times when I am faced with actual 
malice, and I will not hesitate to respond with force in those cases.
Oddly enough, even with a tangible threat, I don't react out of fear so much 
as anger and disappointment that the person has let down my expectations.  
Whether this is a matter of disabling someone who is physically assaulting me 
(which I have had to do), or reacting in other ways to less tangible threats, 
it is by *far* the exception to the rule.

And yes, this means I run the risk of being hurt, both emotionally and 
phsyically.  That's OK.  Ain't none of us can go through life without getting 
hurt.  It's up to us what we do about it.


Peace,

Amanda Walker <amanda@intercon.com>
-- 
"Long as you're not afraid, nobody can run your life for you. Remember
 that.  Hell is being scared of things.  Heaven is refusing to be scared."
                --Tom Robbins