HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rkruger@hydra.unm.edu (robert c  krugerttr)
Subject: Re: exit
Date: Sun, 08 Nov 92 04:58:59 GMT
Organization: University of New Mexico, Albuquerque

Thanks for all the postings, I appreciate the response.  I was mistaken in
my thought that this was a list of helpees and no helpers.  There are quite
a few things I need to look at amoungst the posts, and I want to reply to
each one, but given my limited time, please accept this as a thank you, if
you did send me mail or a reply.  Your help is greatly appreciated,

Robert
Newsgroups: alt.support
From: Joan Balser
Subject: Re: Held at gunpoint!
Organization: Bell-Northern Research
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 19:23:36 GMT

In article <1ds9g2INNd71@agate.berkeley.edu> andrewc@garnet.berkeley.edu
(Andrew Chen) writes:
>Hi,  
>
I'm not stressed out about the wallet, for that can be replaced.  But what I
>have been consumed about is the thought of death.  What if I had been shot?
>I'm not sure how to deal with the thought of dying... why am I still here?  
>It's been extremely difficult to sleep or study, since flashes of what had 
>happened run through my mind and it becomes more and more haunting.  Am
>I supposed to take this well and go on with my life as if nothing ever 
>happened?  Help...  write me if you feel like... 
>
>Still functional,
>Andrew Chen
>andrewc@garnet.berkeley.edu
>
Andrew,

I would suggest you speak to a professional about this matter to learn to come
to grips with life and death. A couple of years ago, my mother killed a
motorcyclist and had problems coping with it.  She had the same thoughts as you
about herself dying.  When she saw a professional, it did her a world of good!

Just my 2 cents....

Joan>
>


Newsgroups: alt.support
From: jeffj@cbnewsm.cb.att.com (jeffrey.n.jones)
Subject: Re: Reality, life and all
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 22:52:18 GMT

In article <1992Nov13.174629.18548@bnr.ca> Joan Balser writes:
>
>I never realized why I was always depressed until the read the book "Awaking
>the Giant Within" by Anthony Robbins.  Basically, this book shows you how to
>take control of your life.  Also, it explains why we are not
>happy with our lives.  it explains how and what controls our thought processes
>and why we think negative thoughts.  

I have that book and it confirmed alot of the conclusions that I was coming
to about myself and life. As a matter of fact I think I am going to read
it again. One of the things the book asks you to do is to act like you 
could ask God for virtually anything you want and he would give it to 
you. Anything you want out of life he would grant you. While you do
this write down what you want. This is darn hard at least for me. Really
brought home the fact while I have this vague uneasiness that I am not
getting out of life what I want, I really have no idea what I want out of
life! That was a pretty interesting revelation! "Awakening the Giant
Within" has a place of honor among my many self help books. 8-)

Jeff
-- 
 Jeff Jones  AB6MB         |      If we do not succeed,
 jeffj@seeker.mystic.com   |      then we run the risk of failure.
 Infolinc BBS 415-778-5929 |      Vice Pres. Dan Quayle
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: lat22@jester.usask.ca (T'Keela Mahkin Birr)
Subject: How could you ever trust?
Organization: University of Saskatchewan
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 06:27:56 GMT

Distribution: world

Hello all!

Just a thought I have had for a while, thought it might spur
discussion, and answers...

If you are heavy (I mean VERY, size 24 or so) and men are not
interested in you because of your weight:  how can you ever
trust in a man if you lost weight, became what most men want
(aiee duck the flames on that one):), and went out with a man?
Oh sure, he might say, "I'd love you just as much if you looked
different", but where was he when you were large?  It's very
perplexing..to go from an obese woman who can't get a date to
a thin woman who is so bloody cynical she can't get a date.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day.:):):)

T'Keela
-----------------------
"Time and space can be a bitch." -- Gooshie, QL "Killin' Time"
From: mberteig@cco.caltech.edu (Michelle Berteig)
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
Subject: Re: A few thoughts and opinions on BBW and Radiance
Date: 12 Nov 1992 17:25:14 GMT
Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena
NNTP-Posting-Host: punisher.caltech.edu

Hi!

I agree with Sue.  I find I read BBW mostly just for the fashion
layouts (so I can see what's new, etc.), but I also prefer
Radiance magazine for the articles they offer.  Hey, when I
started subscribing, I ordered all of the back issues!!
If only most of their advertisers were not in the Bay Area...

Just my $0.02,

Michelle
From: larson@garnet.berkeley.edu (Susan Larson)
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Date: 8 Nov 1992 13:28:44 GMT
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
NNTP-Posting-Host: garnet.berkeley.edu


Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: davis@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Barbara Davis)
Subject: Re: How could you ever trust?
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 18:33:38 GMT

lat22@jester.usask.ca (T'Keela Mahkin Birr) writes:

>Distribution: world

>Hello all!

>Just a thought I have had for a while, thought it might spur
>discussion, and answers...

>If you are heavy (I mean VERY, size 24 or so) and men are not
>interested in you because of your weight:  how can you ever
>trust in a man if you lost weight, became what most men want
>(aiee duck the flames on that one):), and went out with a man?
>Oh sure, he might say, "I'd love you just as much if you looked
>different", but where was he when you were large?  It's very
>perplexing..to go from an obese woman who can't get a date to
>a thin woman who is so bloody cynical she can't get a date.

As a size 26/28 I had not realized that I am VERY heavy.  I consider myself
round and very beautiful. <big grin>

Interestingly, so do the 3 men I am dating right now.  All like me for
my warmth and humor and openness and honesty.  Weight is *not* an issue for
me and so it is *not* an issue in my relationships.  Dragon like, I enter
every relationship expecting to like and be liked.  Tuesday I had the
first experience since July with someone being unable to return my happy,
infectious grin.  Her lips smiled and her eyes look anger and hostility.

Everytime I was near her the rest of the evening, I tried my grin on her.
Each time her returning smile got closer to her eyes.  At the end of class
I got a semi-warm grin from her!  One more won over to the joy of smiling.

Barb

>Maybe I'm just having a bad day.:):):)
>T'Keela
>-----------------------
>"Time and space can be a bitch." -- Gooshie, QL "Killin' Time"

-- 
Barbara G. Davis                       Internet:  davis@ucsu.colorado.edu
University of Colorado, Boulder 

                   If I don't ask, you can't say, "Yes!".
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: shannah@netcom.com (Teri Miller)
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 01:06:09 GMT

In article <1992Nov11.001147.956@netcom.com> marcia@netcom.com (Marcia) writes:
>In article <1dn099INNb3e@agate.berkeley.edu> larson@garnet.berkeley.edu (Susan Larson) writes:
>>It is therefore especially nice to 
>>hear from men who like large women also because they _are_ big, not
>>despite the fact.
>
>Or who just like them, not because they are big, or in spite of the fact they
>are big, but because they are who they are, and their size is just another
>data point like their hair or their eye color. It's not ignored, it's not
>treated like an illness - it's just part of who you are.
>
Bingo.  

If a man were to fall in love with me because I'm big, what happens
if I lose weight?  This is the same problem I have with men who want
only thin women - were I thin, I would be nervous about going out with
a man who wanted only thin women.  What if I were to gain weight?

One of the things that used to bug me about my husband is that he can
never seem to describe anybody.  I honestly don't think he could tell
you if my best friend's eyes are blue, green, or brown.  He could get
as far as dark hair or light, tall or short, and if the person was
extremely big or small, he could describe that, but after that, forget
it!

However, once I began to understand it, I began to appreciate it.  He
just isn't interested in what someone else weighs.  He doesn't care that
much about how someone else is dressed.  He cares deeply about how 
a person acts, and what their personality is like.  I honestly believe
that he would find me just as attractive regardless of what my weight
is, simply because I would still be *me*, just in a different package.

A long time ago, I had a party at which one of the male guests followed
me into the kitchen, making numerous comments about my appearance, and
talking about how attractive he found me, and what a wonderful person
I was.  I found it offputting, and I felt nervous, because I felt this
person was basing his comments on nothing but my large size.  I found it
just as disconcerting as I would have had someone followed me into the
kitchen and commented on my great figure, were I thin.  (I've been thin,
and had this happen, so I know it's true.)

The thing is, the (I believe) well-meaning man in question had known me
hardly an hour, not really long enough to know whether or not he liked
me.  

So, I agree with Marcia - I prefer to be treated as who I am, 
regardless of my packaging.

-- 
*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
Teri Miller                    tmiller@cisco.com -or- shannah@netcom.com
*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: beartwo@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (Audrey Davis)
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Organization: Northwestern University, Evanston Illinois.
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 23:30:13 GMT

In article <95479@netnews.upenn.edu> crawford@ben.dev.upenn.edu (Lauren L. Crawford) writes:
>In article <1992Oct29.235741.1286@netcom.com> avery@netcom.com (Avery Ray Colter) writes:
>>
>>>   I thought you enchanced women would appreciate knowing of that some
>>>"average"
>>>weight men (of which I'm party to) find your opulence very attractive. 
>>
>>Seriously, while we still have our enemies out there, and the campaign
>>of size-acceptance is not over yet, to find large women attractive is
>>not such a renegade thing as it seemed to be a decade ago, when our
>>very existence was constantly brought into question.
>
>
>I think we should all move to Africa or India.  I've lived in both (well,
>took an extended trip to India), and big is definitely beautiful.  It's
>pretty funny how different standards of beauty are there.  When I lived in
>Africa, I got somewhat sick and lost weight.  Complete strangers would
>walk up to me on the street and ask: "How much do you weigh?" (not
>considered a rude question there)  I would tell them, and they'd think for
>a minute and say "Should be 10 (20, etc.) pounds more."
>
>It was funny, too, to watch the American men that I traveled with slowly
>change their opinions of beauty.  I remember, after about six months, one
>Am. guy saying to me, "How much weight have you lost, anyway?  Why do
>American women want to be so thin?"  
>
>When I traveled in India, I got far more attention than I wanted.  When I
>would be sitting in a restaurant, men at other tables would send me
>flowers and their cards; one sent an emissary over to ask me for a date on
>his behalf.  When I talked with other western women traveling in India
>(thin, attractive women), they said they didn't have these problems at
>all.  It gradually occurred to me that my size was considered very
>attractive to these guys.  Wild.
>
>It has really helped me to start debunking the myth of a beauty standard. 
>If I do lose weight now, it will be -- I think -- for healthy, good
>reasons and not to attain some arbitrary "ideal" I used to believe in.
>
>For good fiction that contains big, beautiful female characters, try
>reading Naguib Mahfouz's Cairo trilogy:  "Palace Walk," "Palace of
>Desire," and "Sugar Street."  It takes place in Egypt in the 20s and 30s,
>and the sexy women are all REAL large.  Very heartening.
>
>
>
>-- 
>The trick of reason is to get the imagination to seize the actual world --
>if only from time to time.     -- Annie Dillard, "An American Childhood"
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Lauren Crawford  //  crawford@ben.dev.upenn.edu

Lauren --

I noticed the same thing when I was in Puerto Rico.  I wear anything from
size 9 to 12, depending on how it's cut.  I felt self conscious in my (one
piece) bathing suit, but all the men (my husband included :-)!) kept
staring at me.  It took me awhile to realize why.

Audrey Davis

Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: davis@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Barbara Davis)
Subject: Dragon as role model - an update
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 22:11:23 GMT

About two weeks I posted my story of my little dogs, Dragon and Jasper.
Dragon expects and therefore gets lots of love and attention.  Jasper expects
hostility so gives it first.  Everyone thinks Dragon is wonderful, no one
knows how darling Jasper is.

I have set up circumstances that have allowed me to talk to and meet a
number of men the last two weeks.  I went to each meeting open and warm
and friendly and *expecting* to be liked.  Of the 4 men I met, I am now
dating 3 of them at least twice a week.

I told them during our initial phone conversations that I am a big woman.  I
also told them I am very attractive.  One of the men I am dating is a big
man the other 2 are normal weight.

All three seem to have accepted me as who I say I am and they seem to like
who I say I am.  As they are all men that I would not normally have met,
each should have felt free to stop seeing me if they didn't find me
attractive and appealing.  None of the 3 show any sign of wanting to do
anything but to get to know me better and to get closer to me emotionally.

I realize it is too soon to draw any hard and fast conclusions and the
initial results sure do speak for the 'Dragon' method of relating to
people.

I'll post periodic updates of this totally unscientific and very enjoyable
'experiment' in relating.

Barb
-- 
Barbara G. Davis                       Internet:  davis@ucsu.colorado.edu
University of Colorado, Boulder 

                   If I don't ask, you can't say, "Yes!".
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
Subject: Re: Can they do this?
From: dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer)
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 07:52:59 GMT
Organization: S.P. Dyer Computer Consulting, Cambridge MA

In article <Bx8H83.Au1@akix.uucp> sue@akix.uucp (Sue Raul) writes:
>A) The insurance company is getting away with discrimination
>by arbitrarily establishing higher rates for fatness,

Whatever the merits of this person's individual situation is,
it strikes me as a bit silly to describe what insurance companies
do as "discrimination".  Obesity is an independent risk factor
in evaluating a population's morbidity and mortality.  You might
have to pay higher rates if you're obese (and have a lousy health
insurance plan.)  That's how many insurance companies do business.
Different risk pools pay different rates.

Personally, I've always belonged to a HMO and the rate setting
procedure to my employer was never obvious to me.  I think it depended
on the number of claims coming from an organization, and not the
characteristics of any individual before needing medical care.  I've
had cause to become a non-group member a few times inbetween periods of
non-self-employment and there's only been a single non-group rate.

-- 
Steve Dyer
dyer@ursa-major.spdcc.com aka {ima,harvard,rayssd,linus,m2c}!spdcc!dyer
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
From: germaine@cs.columbia.edu (Germaine L'Eveque)
Subject: Re: Can they do this?
Organization: Columbia University Department of Computer Science
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 14:11:27 GMT

In article <Bx8H83.Au1@akix.uucp> sue@akix.uucp (Sue Raul) writes:
>[...]
>My totally speculative guess about your question is that the company's
>health insurance rates would be lower if you lost weight and
>they want you to comply in order to meet these lower rates.
>This should be out in the open, or it's maybe illegal and so
>they're being sly about it.  This bothers me for two reasons:
>A) The insurance company is getting away with discrimination
>by arbitrarily establishing higher rates for fatness, and B)
>[...]

This kind of stuff REALLY irritates me.  I, for one, have weighed more
than insurance companies deem `correct' for about 35 years.  For 30 of
those years I have been working and paying for health insurance.  In these
past 30 years I've had not over $3,000 in total in health insurance claims.
Hell, I figure my insurance premiums have been paying for all the claims
made by all those slim people!

Germaine

-- 
| Germaine A. L'Eveque                      germaine@cs.columbia.edu |
|  Phone:  (212) 939-7003 or (212) 854-8112     FAX: (212) 666-0140  |
|    Academic Records Administrator, Computer Science Department     |
|   Columbia University, 450-E Com.Sci.Bldg., New York, NY  10027    |
From: larson@garnet.berkeley.edu (Susan Larson)
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
Subject: Re: Appreciation of the big & beautiful woman
Date: 10 Nov 1992 00:38:01 GMT
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: garnet.berkeley.edu
Keywords: A different take

It is nice to read the articles from men who appreciate large women for
themselves and their size as a part of that. One of the things that has
annoyed me in the past is that most of the guys I've gone out with are 
medium sized and would not usually imagine themselves a the "type" to
go out with large women. So, I end up being told that I am an "exception" -
e.g. "I'd never usually go out with a fat/large woman, but you are so 
attractive/bright/charming/whatever that you aren't like other fat people."
That the positive comments may be true is one thing, but my issue is with
being put into the "other" category. It is therefore especially nice to 
hear from men who like large women also because they _are_ big, not
despite the fact.
Sorry about the previous message - it was pretty much the same as this 
one. I'm having a bad time with this editor.

Susan
Larson

Dept. of Social and Cultural Studies in Education, UC Berkeley.




Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks,alt.sigma2.height
From: esz001@cck.coventry.ac.uk (Will Overington)
Subject: Re: mattresses?  furniture?
Organization: Coventry University
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 10:42:12 GMT

In article <Bx6A0E.z6@akix.uucp> sue@akix.uucp (Sue Raul) writes:
>I'm probably going to be looking for a new twin mattress
>within the next couple of months.  My last one had
>a 10 year warranty and it lasted 8 years
>for me.  (I never bothered pursuing the warranty for
>a variety of reasons, most of which were schedule).
>
>Anyway, has anyone had good experiences with
>mattresses?  Any recommendations of brands and models?
>Something that won't sag after a month or where the
>springs don't break and come through the top *sigh of
>experience*.

I am a big person, though tall rather than wide as such,
though being tall does make me wider and heavier than most folks.
I have a long bed, which, as you can imagine in a size discrimination
world involved a long story and a huge van delivering from many miles
away.  :-)
Well, I had had this bed for many years and eventually the mattress
went and I know exactly what you mean about springs coming through!
So, I needed a replacement mattress, as the bed was still fine, and
indeed the mattress cover was good too.
So I replaced it with some foam material, bought from a supplier who
supplies it to hospitals for orthopaedic use, who bonded two thicknesses
together cut from a giant roll to my chosen length!
I used the original mattress cover, disposing carefully of the mangled
wires that once were springs!
It has been absolutely marvellous. I would not buy a mattress with
metal springs in now.
My advice is that if you can get a foam mattress, proper foam made
for the purpose from a supplier who may well be thought of as almost
a medical supplier, then go for it.
It will probably cost you somewhat more than something from a cahin
store, but I feel that every night of comfortable sleep will be a
payoff to you.

>
>And, has anyone found chairs that are built a little
>wider for us big-folks?  Arm chairs, recliners, office
>type chair on wheels, etc.?

My problem is that some armchairs cause my knees to be at altitude,
as the seat area is so near the ground.
Careful choice means that I am alright at home, but visiting
other places can find me sat on an upright kitchen chair!
The problem I find with armchairs though is not so much width as
that they do not expect my weight upon them.

>
>Thanks for your help,
>
>Sue

You're welcome.
From: crawford@ben.dev.upenn.edu (Lauren L. Crawford)
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
Subject: Re: Email support for ending compulsive eating
Date: 12 Nov 92 21:26:13 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

In article <1992Nov12.204428.19246@news2.cis.umn.edu> sapphire@wings.micro.umn.edu (Theresa Jarosz Alberti) writes:

>Following discussions of Geneen Roth's "Breaking Free from Compulsive
>Eating" on alt.support.big-folks, a few of us have decided to start our
>own E-mail support group.  

>If you'd like to subscribe or have any questions, write to:
>  breakfree-list-request@wings.micro.umn.edu

Hooray!



-- 
The trick of reason is to get the imagination to seize the actual world --
if only from time to time.     -- Annie Dillard, "An American Childhood"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lauren Crawford  //  crawford@ben.dev.upenn.edu
From: marcia@netcom.com (Marcia)
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
Subject: Reunions and such
Summary: High School Reunions
Date: 11 Nov 92 00:35:56 GMT
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II

I'm a large woman, and I have been ever since I can remember. I don't 
consider it to be a problem, and it's certainly not standing in between
me and success. In fact, I don't even think about it very much any more.

Until lately, that is. My 10th high school reunion is coming up, and I am
starting to dread it. Not because I am large, and not because I am not
proud of what I've accomplished. I'm rather dreading people's reaction to
the fact that I haven't somehow shrunk to a size 3.

During high school, a number of other folks made a point of making my life
hell because of my size. I have been hoping that perhaps by now they would
have matured to the point that they would mind their own business, but 
knowing human nature, I am steeling myself for at least a few snide comments.

So I guess what I am looking for is support. Have other people been in this
kind of situation and how did it turn out? Anything else I should be mentally
prepared for?

BTW, I'm planning to look smashing for this event - I have a great dress
that makes me look very successful, and all the accessories. Can't hurt to
look and feel your best, you know?
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                  ADDRESSES: marcia@netcom.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."                                     mlb@cisco.com