From: kevin@nuchat.sccsi.com (Kevin Brown)
Subject: Oh, no!  Statistics!  Run!!  :-)
Organization: I can't see any in the immediate vicinity...
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 03:35:57 GMT


This business of attractiveness versus environment and statistics and
all that has got me thinking (an evil thing, that :-).

Firstly, a number of people have made the point that if you are having
a good time, that you will be more attractive to people and that you
stand a much better chance of "scoring" if you *are* having a good time.

Well, I've been to a lot of things where I was having an absolute blast.
Astroworld, for instance.  Or the air show.  Or the baseball game.  Lots
of places.

But I didn't "score" at any of these places.

The one element that is common to many of the above environments is
that I didn't interact with others outside of whatever group I was with.

Having fun is necessary, but not sufficient.

And having fun doesn't necessarily make you attractive *enough* either,
even if it does make you more attractive than you would otherwise be.
I know this because in some of the above environments, I *did* interact
with people outside the group I was with.  Even had a number of quite
nice and interesting conversations.  But still didn't "score".  Something
more is needed.

How attractive is "attractive enough"?  When you're concentrating on
improving some particular aspect of your attractiveness, how do you
decide when to cut your losses?  At what point does it become an
investment from which you're not getting enough return?

Everything costs.  Whether it be in terms of time, money, energy, or
whatever.

A number of people have also said that you're more likely to run into
someone interesting if you're in an environment that you like being in.
Well, that depends.

I like the computer environment, for instance.  I like working with
computers, and am quite good at it, too (if I do say so myself :-).
And yet, I have never met anyone interesting in such an environment
with whom there was even the *potential* for anything more than a
friendship.  They were always involved already, and had been for a
long time.  Being in an environment I liked didn't get me anywhere
in that instance.  And I was often having a good time, too, so even
the combination of being in a familiar and interesting environment and
enjoying what I was doing wasn't enough.

Just what *is* enough?  If attractiveness is all it takes, then I
obviously haven't gone far enough.  What can I do?  I'm already making
*some* money, though I could certainly use more.  I have a reasonable
car (don't know how appealing Mustang GTs are to women :-).  I can
think of a couple of things to work on.  For instance, my body.  I
can get in shape.  That'll take a lot of work, but it might be worth
it.  It wouldn't be so bad if exercise weren't so damned *boring*.
And it might *not* be worth it, either.  How do I figure out whether
or not it is before I try it?

Someone mentioned that though I might have money as a result of
working 60 hours a week, that I might not have time for a relationship.
Well, somehow people seem to manage even under those conditions.  And
I'm fortunate enough to not have to worry about commute time, since
I live only a few blocks from work.  I ride my bicycle to work when I
can (i.e., weather permitting), so I have some form of exercise, but
it hasn't made any difference so far (I started riding to work about
3 months ago).

There are some social opportunities which may or may not yield anything.
I suspect that the yield will be directly proportional to how well I
can mingle with others and, more importantly, how interested in me I
can get them.  I can fake the self-confidence, but I can't fake the
background, which I see as my primary stumbling block.  My memory for
events is *very* *very* poor, so I can't tell many stories.  My memory
for jokes is similarly poor.  My memory for facts, basic principles,
etc. is relatively good, but nobody seems to want to hear about such
things (this is based on listening to what others talk about. Most people
seem to like talking about events the most).

Help!!!  I haven't a clue what to talk about with people!!!  The only
reason I have friends at all is that there are lots of people (male, of
course) who share my interests.  *These* people I can talk to.

There are classes offered by something called "Leisure Learning" that
address these issues.  I'm going to attend them.  Maybe I'll learn
something.  My reading on the subject of romance, courtship, etc., has
been singularly unenlightening, so I'm not expecting too much.

I'll also be getting back into outdoors type stuff.  You know: camping,
hiking, backpacking, etc.  How many women tend to participate in such
activities?  My impression (long ago) was that this, too, is male-
dominated.  It would figure...

And this "Leisure Learning" thing *also* has a social group (with about
200 people) that presumably do lots of things, like hiking, camping,
bowling, hot-air ballooning, parties, etc.  *That* sounds like a gold
mine, if only for the opportunities to do fun things (how can you lose
with such a thing?  Answer: you can't.  I *like* no-loss situations.  :-).

Anyway, my point is that there are things I can do that may help my
situation, and I'm damn well going to try them.  But I need information
on how to make the most of it.  The classes may provide some.  I figure
the net can provide some, too.

Don't give up on me yet.  I'm not.


-- 
				Kevin Brown

			    kevin@nuchat.sccsi.com
			    kevin@taronga.taronga.com