From: cathy@seismo.gps.caltech.edu (Cathy Smither)
Subject: Re: AMC: TAN: Marital Names
Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 17:05:59 GMT

In article <1992Apr10.141239.6738@news.media.mit.edu> stanzi@media.mit.edu (Constance "Stanzi" Royden) writes:
>I couldn't resist unlurking for a moment to get involved in this 
>discussion:
>
>>To change names or not to change names........ that is the question.
>
>I think that whether or not to change your name is a personal choice,
>up to the individual.  There are good reasons for both decisions, and
>whatever feels most comfortable should be one of the criteria.  I chose
>to keep my own name, having become quite attached to it over my 28
>unmarried years.  I am very tolerant of people addressing me by other
>names:  Mrs. Colgrove (my husband's name) etc., as I know how difficult it
>is sometimes to figure out exactly how a particular couple has worked
>out their name configuration.  My husband is similarly tolerant of
>being called Mr. Royden.  
>

I agree -- I kept my name after we got married, partly because I
already had a few papers published under that name, and partly
because I like it.  I considered hyphenating it, but I really
didn't like the sound of Smither-Stone.  It sounds too much like
a building material, or a non-stick pan coating.  Among my
friends, about half of us have kept our "maiden" names and half
have taken their husband's names.  At least nowadays it's a matter
of personal choice, and one is not considered unusual if one
decides to keep their name.  The only person who seemed to be upset
about my decision was my mother, who urged me to get my PhD soon, so
she would be able to address letters to "Dr. Smither", since
she refuses to use "Ms", and "Miss" obviously no longer applies.
(I've always hated "Miss", and address letters to her as "Ms".
We've had this good-natured running battle for years).

>>Well, I was thinking, the only real issue, if I kept my name, would
>>be WHICH name should the baby get??? The Husbands or the Wifes?
>
>This is again a personal decision.  We chose to give our daughter my
>husband's last name for a her last name, and my last name as a middle
>name.  That way she has a connection to both of our families in her
>name, but her last name doesn't become long and cumbersome.  I have
>found that it's not too much of a problem having a different last name
>from my daughter.  It's actually fairly common these days between 
>divorce and women who keep their own name.  It sometimes requires a
>little extra explanation when calling the pediatrician ("This is 
>Stanzi Royden, Caitlin Colgrove's mom..."), but it's a minor in-
>convenience.

Again, it's not really a big deal these days.  Do what you want.
The only great advantage I could see in changing my name to Stone
would be that people wouldn't always ask me to spell it.  But after
33 years of being Cathy Smither, I didn't care to change it.  I 
suppose if John had felt really strongly about it, I might have
changed my mind, but I might also have reconsidered marrying him!
(well, he wouldn't force me anyway, so the point is moot.)

Cathy



-- 
Catherine Smither			Seismological Laboratory
cathy@seismo.gps.caltech.edu		California Institute of Technology
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