From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Subject: more sniping (imitation Richh)
Followup-To: alt.fan.gooley
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 03:30:18 GMT



Richh-style running commentary on erotica found posted on the net.

Toys <oh, a children's story?>

I. Manipulated by <the military-industrial complex?> Another Woman

She lay on the bed looking up at the biggest, hairiest balls <she hangs
her cat's fur balls on the ceiling?> she had ever seen on a man <or for
that matter a woman>. "Open your mouth!", his <whose? no "he" yet> voice
was gruff with <influenza?> excitement.  As she opened her <purse?> mouth
to accept <Jesus Christ as her personal savior?> his huge organ <four
keyboards on the console, 192 stops, built by Wurlitzer in 1919 as a
movie-palace instrument> into her warm, wet cavity <my, talk about severe
tooth decay!>, she felt a touch on her thighs.  She started to <throw up?>
turn her head, but his hands caught and held her still <until the BATF
agents could arrest her as a moonshiner>. 
 
Her heart pumping <blood?> faster with excitement, she took his stiffened
<with spray starch?> cock into her mouth and waited for the next assault
<we haven't heard about the previous one> on her exposed <on a hillside
until it died> and vulnerable cunt. She had no idea who was kneeling <a
nun praying for her soul?> between her spread legs <not to mention her
other two pairs>. The man's balls swinging <shouldn't they retract a bit?>
in her face blocked her view.  Nothing happened <sounds interesting>.  She
started to concentrate on giving the man above her <not to mention the
other man below her> the best <pubic haircut?> blow job of his life <how
can she know?>.  Her tongue made wet circles <so much better than the
usual dry ones one gets from licking things> on the sides of his shaft
<loosening ore and making it unnecessary for the miners to bring in their
pneumatic drills>. Her cheeks hollowed as she sucked <like this story>
and slurped <he's got a liquid penis?> to create a strong suction <she
had a part-time job as a vacuum cleaner> on his cock.  Saliva dribbled
<a regulation NBA basketball past Magic Johnson and sent it up on a jump
shot for three> on her chin <she's sucking like mad and saliva dribbles
out?> as she strove to give him satisfaction.  She moved her head to bring
the tip of his cock between her cheek and teeth <"just a pinch between yer
cheek and gum...">, all the while massaging his dick <he's got two penises,
one called a dick and the other a cock?> with her tongue.
That touch on her thighs again!? <Well, I admit I couldn't possibly have
expected it.>  This time it was a little oily <a sea-bird from the Exxon
Valdez spill?>.  Hands, not his, began to explore her cunt <the National
Pornographic Society Expedition, sponsored in part by the makers of K-Y
Jelly, off to find the source of badly-written erotica>.  Carefully the
folds of her outer cuntlips were spread <on pumpernickel> and a finger
gently circled <like a patient buzzard> the outer edge of her cunthole
<what cuntwords!  what cuntwriting!>.  Then her clit was touched <by the
oil-covered bird's moving tale of its woes> and pinched <by a clever
pickpocket, who sold it to a fence who ran a seedy pawnshop>  lightly.
Two hands <not three?> spread her legs even farther apart <until they
tore off from her body?> and lifted her ass <poor donkey!> to expose
<the awful secrets of the harem> her asshole <the author of this story?>.
An oily <beak? expression? scum on the surface of the water?> finger
rubbed and pressed against the puckered opening <laddie, do you know
what "elegant variation" is?  Didn't think so>. She was totally exposed
to <the Arctic winter, and died of hypothermia within minutes.  Hip hip
hooray> this unknown person's eyes. She could feel them visually <not by
feel? eyeballs are pretty sensitive, you know> exploring her cunt and ass
<at the same time?>. She shivered <into a thousand fragments> as the hands
of the man she was supposed to be sucking off slapped the inside of her
thigh <so she's got a wooden leg?>. "Pay attention! Don't stop sucking!"
<Well, this story's taken that advice to heart.>
 
Her attention recalled <by its manufacturer>, she tried to keep from
wondering <should be easy with such a tiny mind> what the next assault
<you call *that* an assault?> on her exposed cunt and ass would bring
<a chainsaw? landing craft full of commandos?>.  She licked at the Cock
<capitalized; obviously the author thinks it a deity> in her mouth <as
opposed to the other three that the man dangled around her face> and
pressed it firmly with <her steam iron, set on "Synthetics"> her lips.
The head of the Cock <o worship the Cock / all glorious in crotch> felt
smooth <that's funny: most of them have spines like a cat's does> against
the roof of her mouth <like creamy peanut butter?>.  The feel of Cock
<who killed Cock Robin?> in her mouth made her <nauseated?> cunt slick
with <75W90 synthetic gear lube?> juice <grape? mixed pineapple-orange?>.
She couldn't admit yet <kind of hard to talk with your mouth full, yes>
that she wanted the unknown person to invade her cunt too <beginning with
aerial attacks and twelve-inch shells, followed by a massive landing of
Marines on the labia majora>.  She was getting more and more <bored, like
the readers?> excited by the unknown <even as I am getting more and more
weary of the predictable>.  Suddenly <the Lord descending / In His temple
shall appear?>, over the sounds of her slurping and sucking <this guy has
a Popsicle (tm) for a penis or something?> she heard a buzzing noise <a
wasp? a bee? an electric razor?  Hmmm...you got me mystified, you really
have>. It sounded, no, it couldn't be <a Weed Eater (tm)? a Trabant?>. He
had never tried to use a vibrator on her before <well, I'm surprised; he
sounds like the sort who wouldn't think twice before using one>. 
 
She tried to move the man from her face <but his tiny hands held fast to
her bushy Brooke Shields-style eyebrows and his itty-bitty feet wedged
against the corners of her mouth> to see what was about to happen to her.
Panic began to rise in her <she does fellatio on this bossy moron, gets
ordered around, feels some stranger fiddling at her crotch, and *now*
she panics?>.  He captured her hands <severed them, and sent them to a
prisoner of war camp> and began to tell her how watching her pussy and
asshole being stretched by a vibrator and a womans <tricky, those
apostrophes!> fingers was going to turn him on almost as much as having
her sucking cock was turning him on. <Eloquent chap: "Watching your pussy
and asshole being stretched by a vibrator and a woman's fingers is going
to turn me on almost as much as your sucking cock is turning me on, and
I sure do love an anticlimax.">
 
Woman? <Oh, I'm so shocked.> Her eyes flew open wider <and the lids popped
off; fortunately the man was skilled in repairing Barbie (tm) dolls>. Another
woman was going to put things in her cunt and ass? <Why not?  This guy's
hardly male anyway -- got a Popsicle (tm) for a prick -- so what's the big
deal?> She began to shake her head no <rather than shake her head yes>. With
care to keep her from seeing who was between her legs, her lover <that stupid
shit is a lover? not in my book, he isn't> repositioned himself <on a hillside
overlooking the town?> to get the best view of her cunt and ass and still
get his Cock <which he worships> sucked <ah, and he's a contortionist as
well.  My, it takes this twit a long time to ejaculate.  No physiological
problems?>. This was a fantasy they had discussed many times. <A stroke of
genius worthy of a third-rate novelist!  Suddenly the writer -- using the
term loosely -- realizes that the story is veering towards something
resembling a rape, and rightly realizes that this Just Won't Do on a family-
oriented network: after all, one must draw the line somewhere.  After writing
as if the principals are relative strangers, he (I assume, perhaps wrongly,
that a woman would have more sense) backpedals wildly and tells us how
they've discussed this oh-so-often:
	"Honey, I'd really like to see your pussy and ass be stretched by
a woman's fingers, and a vibrator, you know that?"
	"Yeah, that sounds like fun.  My own fingers?"
	"No, another woman's."
	"Oh.  Okay, I guess."> It turned her on, in theory, <"It turns me
on, in theory..."> but now she was a little frightened <"...but I might
get a little frightened.">.  "Trust me," he whispered <to do what? have a
woman stick a vibrator up her arse?>.  The buzzing noise began again <gee,
wonder what it might be?>. The smooth tip of the vibrator <as opposed to
its rough tip on its other end> was pressed <by a nameless phantom?> against
the closed pucker of her asshole <not the only asshole in the room>. The
gentle motion sent shivers of delight radiating into her cunt and ass <ah,
simple pleasures!>.  She felt warm <urine?> oil being dripped into the crack
of her ass <uh, was it 10W-30, as recommended in her owner's manual?>. It
slid down until it reached her closed hole and the vibrating toy was moved
to <pity? tears?> massage the oil into the tight pucker <not going to be
tight much longer if she does this for jollies>.  The better the actions
on her captive body made her feel <better?>, the more intensely she sucked
on the cock in her mouth <ridiculous! she's been sucking away at ol' Mr.
Popsicle for an hour, it seems.  He impotent or something?>.  The tip of
the vibrator slipped into her ass <what, finally?>. The warm oil again
started to slide down her crack <wake me when it's over>.  A hand with
long feminine nails <as opposed to short feminine nails or long masculine
ones> rubbed the oil into her asscrack. Then it stroked upward to push oil
into her cunt hair and around her clit <I think that the owner's manual
says 15W-40 for the cunt>. Two fingers slipped into her cunt <wouldn't a
whole hand fit, considering?> and the vibrator was shoved farther into
her ass <asking for sphincter-control problems, kiddo>.  The fingers
massaged the inner walls <as opposed to the outer walls> of her cunt.
She could feel the vibrator on one side and the fingers on the other
of the delicate membrane separating her cunt from her rectum <another
anatomical freak here>.  She began to rotate <her tires?> her hips
seeking the pressure where she needed it most to come.

<Well, I'm getting bored.>

Mark.
gooley@netcom.com