HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: an3243@anon.penet.fi (ben reitman)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: need help with this one
Date: 30 Dec 92 19:47:24 GMT
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery

i just recently discovered this net, and read the message "need help helping a 
friend."  once again, these memories come back...i want to say, first of all, 
that i am also someone who did the abusing, a long time ago.  so if you don't
care to hear about it, hit n now.  also, if you just feel that this is not the 
place for perpetrators but for survivors, go ahead and let me know that too, 
and i won't post again.

when i was a senior in high school, some ten years ago, i slept with a woman 
who clearly hadn't wanted to, and was too drunk to really do anything about it.
to be honest, i was so drunk that i don't even know if we actually had 
intercourse.  all i know is that she was incoherent, occassionally telling me 
she didn't want to go all the way, and i was on top of her anyway.  i was 
seventeen, a virgin, drunk, and stupid.  i have regretted this incident, cried
over this incident, ever since.  you see the next day she tried to kill herself
with sleeping pills. i really didn't even know her - she was just a girl
from school to me, who was kind of fucked up.  she dropped out of school soon 
after.  i bumped into her once shortly thereafter, and we both acted like 
nothing had happened.  to be honest i'm not even sure she had known 
it was me, we were both so drunk.

so now it is ten years later and you are the first people i have told about 
this besides my girlfriend. ever since college, when i learned about date 
rape and women's rights and abuse and feminism, i have wondered whether i
should do something.  call her, write her a letter, look her up when i am home
some time.  i usually think i should just let her alone -- that anything i did
would be more for me than for her -- that it might even hurt her more than 
help.  this seemed like a safe place to get some advice on that. i am not
writing this for your sympathy, and i especially hope i haven't hurt anyone
by writing this.   

please respond on the net, if you like.

thanks for listening.  and happy new year.















































-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi.
Due to the double-blind system, any replies to this message will be anonymized,
and an anonymous id will be allocated automatically. You have been warned.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: "Jamet" <wk01687@worldlink.com>
Subject: Christmas
Organization: Performance Systems Int'l
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 22:57:22 GMT
X-Mailer: WORLDLink (3.11)

 
Hi everyone.      *****Minor Spoilers****

Well the holiday is approaching at a terrifying rate.  I'm not going to 
see any of my blood relatives (read that as: my abusers).  I haven't 
seen any of them since Feb. 1992.  I do speak to some of them by phone 
once in a while.
I chose not to see them for the holidays last year, but I went out in 
February and we exchanged gifts then.  That was before I received a 
really horrifying phone call from my mother accusing me of being 
responsible for my abuse (ie: I seduced him...).

I had told my mother a few months before last Christmas that I wasn't 
going out to see her because her husband sexually abused me.  This was 
not news to her since the whole thing came out when I made a police 
report years ago.  However, what was new was that I was not going to act 
like things should go on as if nothing ever happened.  My family told 
me, at the time I filed the complaint, that it was my fault since I was 
15 at the time the incident happened.  I guess they had never heard of 
statutory rape.  Actually they had heard of it and that was why they all 
worked very hard to get me to shut up.  They succeeded, given my prior 
training in shame etc. it didn't take much to get me to comply.  Plus of 
course at the time I believed it might have been my fault.  To this day 
I don't remember the details because he served me so much alcohol that I 
blacked out.  So I really don't know what happened.  But whatever 
happened, he was the parent and I was the child.  But of course in my 
family children, especially those older than 12, are provicative little 
sluts who cause the poor blameless adults to do all kinds of things.

So anyway, I now understand that I was sexually abused.  What I'm now 
begining to see is thats just a symptom.  I mean the whole system of 
beliefs that my family operates on is so fucked up that its no wonder 
fucked up things happened.  So it really makes sense that my mother just 
won't see things the way I'm begining to see them.  She is still there 
in the middle of the whole system, and no matter how long I tell her the 
sky is blue she will insist it is pink.

So this year I told my mother that I didn't want to exchange gifts.  She 
seemed diappointed but agreed.  I have more than one feeling about it 
but overall I'm relieved.

I pretty angry with my mother because she didn't do what a mother should 
do: protect her child.  She took his side not mine.  She has used me to 
satisfy her needs.  And I don't want to play anymore.

I haven't wanted to give her a gift in years.  I've been doing all kinds 
of things out of a sense of obligation.  That feeling of obligation is 
very strong.  Especially since my mother is ill.  But I need to stop 
hurting myself.  I need to stop fulfilling obligations I don't want to fulfill
and start using that energy to take care of me.
 
That's what I want for Christmas.

Dear Santa,
Please give me, me.
Thanks

Debra
From: anon-1218@twwells.com (Going Under)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: ***SPOILERS***
Date: 28 Dec 92 20:49:28 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes




have you been here long?
do you remember me?
i was strong.
i'm dying, god i'm dying
they took me in the dark
there were torches
chanting singing food and drink
it was a cocktail party for men in weird clothes
costumes
i was an hors deouvre
naked, waist down
the pride of my step father
they stood over me and talked
some touched me like i was a dog
only they'd never touch a dog there
some sometimes took a pole, i know it's shape, so familiar
i feel nothing
i can't move
but i'm conscious
it's like being buried alive seeing these atrocities able to do nothing
NOTHING
I AM NOTHING
i am an hors deourve
and I don't know who they are
i walk down the street and am so exposed
who has seen me?
how can i be safe when this stranger has seen me bare, laying on a table
unable to speak, move defend myself
have you seen me?
were you there?
may i please die now?
please?




















							anika



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner)
Subject: Re: Let it end soon, please
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 16:06:42 GMT
Reply-To: dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
Organization: HP California Design Center, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1.4 PL7]

MelancholyChild (anon-1280@twwells.com) wrote:
:>In article <Bzy5qB.IyJ@twwells.com>, anon-1280@twwells.com (ReachingOut)
:>writes:
:>>I wish I could believe this for myself. I don't, not at all. It will
:>>end when I die. Blah blah blah blah blah blah, lots of whiny bullshit
:>>deleted
: 
:This should never have been posted. Apologies to all.

You don't need to apologize to me, nor I think to most anyone here.
I've felt exactly the same at times, and since you were very careful
to say that this was about how you felt about your recovery, I can't
see why anyone would take offense.  In fact, I appreciate your being
able to share how you feel.  I didn't find it to be "whiny bullshit."

:
:"I met a kind and gentle man who thinks the world of me
: And when he looks my way it is a woman that he sees
: But when I can't explain to him the tears that fill my eyes
: He takes me in his arms and rocks his melancholy child"
:                                                        (Pam Tillis)
:

Beautiful lyrics (and a fine new name)!  Thanks,

Doug Sojourner

dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
anon-1158@twwells.com
an651@anon.penet.fi
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner)
Subject: Re: TIRED
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 16:35:46 GMT
Reply-To: dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
Organization: HP California Design Center, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1.4 PL7]

MelancholyChild wrote:
: ...
:... For instance, to contrast two cases from the two countries, in
:Kentucky a woman took her stepfather to court for sexually abusing her
:every weekend from the age of 10 until she was 16, I believe. He was
:convicted and sentenced to 48 years in prison. In Canada (can't remember
:where,) a man who started sexually abusing his daughter when she was
:3 (started having intercourse with her when she was 10) and continued
:until she was...17, I think, was sentenced to 4 years in prison!
:

Actually, there are places in the United States that are as bad.  I
don't have any specifics right at hand, but there is a judge in the
San Francisco Bay Area who is well know for being easy on sexual
offenders, especially of children.  He handles plea bargain cases, and
around here most offenders want to plea bargain with HIM.  So I think
it depends as much on the judges as on the laws.

By the way, thanks for sharing this, and for mentioning the backlash
article.  I'd be surprised if there was no backlash - there are a lot
of people involved who must find it very threatening that some people
are trying to increase awareness of sexual abuse, and some of those
people have a lot of power.  However, I have some hope that we will be
able to make changes even in the face of backlash.

Doug Sojourner

dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
anon-1158@twwells.com
an651@anon.penet.fi
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay.uucp (Crystal Bell)
Subject: Hospitals
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Sat, 26 Dec 1992 17:34:47 GMT

 HI, I think that for those of you who sent me mail saying that I *should* go
to a hospital for the night.... I did. I spent Christmas eve and half of 
Christmas day in there. YUCK! I felt like I was in a prison.. I was under what
is call " close 1 surveillance" the entire time.. this meant that I couldn't
leave the unit, and that I wasn't allowed to wear my own clothes that sucked.
I froze my butt off cuz the bed only had two sheets on it. and just about 
everything they served had mild of some form in it so I couldn't eat..
I can't remember the name of the story but it has a nurse in int named nurse
Ratchet. ( or something like that..) well the head nurse reminded me of her..
<sorta grin> what a b*tch.. she wouldn't let me go, she wouldnt' let me talk 
to her supervisor, she wouldn't let me talk to my nurse, and she wouldn't let
me see the hospital chaplain... sheesh.. I hated it.. It kinda makes me 
positive that I'll never actually try to kill myself.. Lord knows... one day 
was bad enough..... what would happen after a week or so ACK! I wasn't crazy 
until I left there.. <grin> but they're "forcing" me to go and see a Shrink
I don't know why.. they're pretty uselss to me..
anyhow.. The rest of Christmas day sucked pretty bad. the only thing that made
it good was when Craig told me that he still loved me and still wnated to 
marry me.. YAY!!!!!!!!!!! BOUNCE!
<grin> anyhow.. I've got replies to write and other exciting things to do..

Huggs for anyone who wants one.. 

                                                **Crystal**

-- 
############################################################################**
Crystal Bell                     * If you don't like my opinions that's
E-mail Cryst%belay@uunet.uu.net  * your problem. Please keep ALL flames
                                 * to private E-mail. thanx
From: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Where Late the Sweet Birds Sang
Date: 27 Dec 1992 19:08:08 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


I'm re-reading Kate Wilhelm's _Where Late the Sweet Birds Sang_ , a book 
about the earth going through major disaster & people have to using cloning
to reproduce.  It is supposed to be a bad thing that the clones then use
cloning as their primary reproductions & sexual reproduction only to supplement
the cloning.  I don't like some of what the clone society is like, mostly
because teh people who ARE fertile get locked out of society, stuck in a 
fenced in guarded place & drugged -- all they do is produce children -- but
this part I just read....Molly is one the Miriam sister, there are six of
them I think & Molly has just left them for an exploratory trip..

"They would have to sleep in the woods that night, Molly thought suddenly,
and a shudder passed through her.  Her sisters would look up from their
work uneasily, exchange glances, and return to their chores relunctantly,
somehow touched by the same dread she felt.  If she were within reach, the
others would have come to her, unable to explain why, but irresistibly
drawn together."

The idea of that kind of bonding.  Of that a group of people that close to me.
That supportive of and comforting of me....just sounds really nice.  In the
book I think the similarity of the sets of clones are over-emphasized --
I partly keep thinking that because one of my good friends has an identical
twin & althought they are alike in a lot of ways, they are also extrememly
different people.

I don't know, to have a few people that I lived with, that I loved, that
could feel some of my feeligs and I could feel some of theirs....sounds
pretty ideal to this one [me].  The sense of safety in that.  appeals.

us christina peoples
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au    (prefered address)

an1308@anon.penet.fi
anon-1410@twwells.com


--
** Anonymity & Privacy by PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) **

anon.admin@pax.tpa.com.au (a human)    anon.info@pax.tpa.com.au   (for help)
anon.ping@pax.tpa.com.au  (get alias)  anon.key@pax.tpa.com.au    (register key)
anon.###@pax.tpa.com.au   (reply)      anon.post.g@pax.tpa.com.au (post to g)
anon.list@pax.tpa.com.au  (to mailing list)
anon.subscribe@pax.tpa.com.au          anon.unsubscribe@pax.tpa.com.au

For dialup Unix access phone +61-8-235-9010 - online registration.
From: anon.95@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: What people do in their lives
Date: 4 Jan 1993 12:40:09 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.95@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


Welcome, Suzanna. You're perfectly free to post here, and no, you're not
intruding at all.

Your question about "what people do in their lives" is one I've struggled
with lately. I do not feel very comfortable being in a lot of social situations
because I'm not interested in the most of the things other people are.
I can't tell you that it's fine or not fine to spend most of your free time
at home. I feel better emotionally when I can stay at home and sort things out,
but it hurts my self-esteem if I can't relate to people well, so I'm working
on that as well. That may be a little confused; I guess since I don't
have advice I guess I wanted to say "uh-huh, I'm dealing with that too".

TJ
Down with the flu,
no energy to do anything but post
8-)


--
** Anonymity & Privacy by PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) **

anon.admin@pax.tpa.com.au (a human)    anon.info@pax.tpa.com.au   (for help)
anon.ping@pax.tpa.com.au  (get alias)  anon.key@pax.tpa.com.au    (register key)
anon.###@pax.tpa.com.au   (reply)      anon.post.g@pax.tpa.com.au (post to g)
anon.list@pax.tpa.com.au  (to mailing list)
anon.subscribe@pax.tpa.com.au          anon.unsubscribe@pax.tpa.com.au

For dialup Unix access phone +61-8-235-9010 - online registration.
From: rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Me
Date: 3 Jan 93 04:40:47 GMT
Organization: UB


	This stuff, especially Nancy Agnew's, seems to address the mystical
question: can evil exist outside of us?

	I think Nancy Agnew believes that it can, e.g. rape is always bad.

	Well,  I can't directly disagree ... I can't countenance rape under
any circumstances.  If it were necessary for the survival of the human species,
I might decide it was time for the species to die.  (Or I might not.  Tough
call.)

	On the other hand, I would mystically say that if I could purify
my own mind to the point where rape made no sense, I wwould exude a pure
aura, and that would prevent people from being raped in my presence.  
Likewise with other evils.

	i.e., since rape didn't exist in me, it could not exist anywhere...

	Please don't be too rough on our poor little mystics.  When they say
that everywhere is here and now, it's easy to raise objections.  Generally
crazy mystical sayings have a useful, practical lesson to preach.

	Granted, I haven't proven anything, but perhaps I have reconciled
Nancy Agnew to Zen mystics, who ought to be already reconciled to her ...

(:
E-Shrugs to whomever demands them...
Rick
From: anon-1503@twwells.com (Samantha)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: First post!
Date: 22 Dec 92 10:59:36 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


ANON-Mail: yes
ANON-Name: Samantha
ANON-Announce: yes

Hi everyone!  this is my first post here, anonymously, and I am not
going to tell my whole story here, but I think maybe i should tell some
of it...

I am writing mainly because I have been reading the posts from others
and i realized that many people are going thru the same stuff I went
thru 2 years ago, and I SURVIVED!  It can be done. it might not be easy,
but it can be done.  Really!  
I am not going to say exactly what hell i went thru for over 17 years of
my life, but i will say that it was hell. I was abused by my father, i
was raped by a date, and i carried my fathers baby, TWICE!!It was HELL! 
But, I realized when i turned 18, that there was no way that i was going
to let him stop me from being everything that i wanted to be. I am on my
way to becoming a teacher. And, eventually, i will open my own school. 
I WILL do it. 
I don't know why i am writing this. I have heard so much pain,
frustration and anger on this board, that i just had to let youknow,
that success is possible. Just wanting to fight, is success. Just
remember, stick it out, and FIGHT!  You are better then they are. don't
let their guilt way you down. You can win. 
good luck.  Any questions?
Sam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If cats always land on their feet and bread always 
lands butter side down, what would happen if you 
strapped a piece of buttered bread to the back 
of a cat and threw him...?
   
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in...?
                    ___
                   (o o)                                   
         -------ooO-(_)-Ooo--------
        /     Tani Grudzniski     /
        --------------------------
  
   



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (ReachingOut)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: *** PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS SURVEY!!! *** (repost - one more time)
Date: 22 Dec 92 04:37:09 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

faype@bcvms.bc.edu writes:

>****************************************************************
>*                  REQUEST FOR SURVEY PARTICIPANTS             *
>*                STUDY ON SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ABUSE            *
>*                BOSTON COLLEGE SCHOOL OF SOCIAL WORK          *
>****************************************************************

>*********************  I NEED YOUR HELP !!!!! ******************

>*********************** CONFIDENTIALITY ************************

>All information will be kept under lock and key and not accessible
>through any computer network.  No identifying information will 
>be kept with questionaire responses.  All information will be
>sent through U.S. Mail, and responses will be anonymous.  All work
>will be overseen by Dr. Nancy Veeder, School of Social Work,
>Boston College.  

>****************************************************************

>To volunteer to fill out the questionaire (or for more info),
>please send me your name, address (and if possible phone #). You
>may contact me through mail, e-mail or phone.  Thank you.

First, *please* understand that I am not intending to cast any
doubt whatsoever on the trustworthyness of Peter. This is not
a flame, and I hope it doesn't generate any flames in response.

I e-mailed Peter about this survey, saying that I would be more
than happy to participate in it. Unfortunately, to be able to
participate, one has to send one's snail-mail address and phone
number to Peter. I refuse to do that so I guess I'm left out
of the survey.

This has *nothing* to do with Peter. I trust him and I am certain
that the confidentiality claim made above is sincere. Still, I'd
rather not be getting mail concerning sexual abuse at my home
address, or have my home address in any database relating to
sexual abuse. Peter exlained that e-mail is not secure, and I
understand that, but I would prefer to respond to a questionaire
via e-mail. I don't understand why that option can't be made 
available to those who want it. 

Peter, I'm not meaning to cause you any problems, I'm just curious
about how this works and why an address is necessary. I posted
this because others might be interested in the workings of the
survey too. I might end up changing my mind, because I *am* interested
in being a part of the survey, but I need more information.

Is the survey not on-line?

Thank you,

ReachingOut



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: MPD
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date: 31 Dec 1992 08:36 EST  

For those of you with MPD or who knows someone:

	A friend of mine was recently diagnosed as MPD.  I'd like to know 
any ideas/suggestions for help that I can give my friend.  I know that I 
can be supportive in the same sense that I am for all my friends, but I'd 
like to know if there is anything additional I can do based on the 
diagnosis.
	I'm going to talk to my friend, but since the diagnosis is recent, 
my friend may not be able to give me any concrete suggestions on how I can 
support.
	Thanks

Gentleness to all 
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!