From: rnt@drutx.ATT.COM (Bob Thomas)
Newsgroups: alt.recovery
Subject: Re: Concept of God and Losing my Ground
Date: 9 Nov 92 23:01:07 GMT
Organization: AT&T -- 1200 W. 120th Street, Westminster Colorado

in article <56829@olivea.atc.olivetti.com>, stellaa@flash.ATC.Olivetti.Com (Stella Adams) says:
> [Stella sounds discouraged.]

The dogma spouted in meetings can be rather mind numbing at
times.  Canned statements such as "do 90 meetings in 90 days
and if you're not satisfied we'll refund your misery" are a
pieces of convential program wisdom that don't appear in AA
literature.  Several people who meant well offerred me this
advice when I was new but I chose to do about three meetings
a week.  It worked for me.  The point is that you can pretty
much do the program any way you choose.  However from what I've
seen, people who follow the program outlined in the book
tend to do better than those who don't.

Today, I look at my involvement in the program as a safety
net.  I try to practice its principles in all of my affairs.
Being human, however, I often neglect the principles and end
up unhappy, unjoyous, and stuck.  The safety net is regular
attendance at meetings (for me that's about two meetings a
week).  I look for similarities between what I hear others
say and what I am currently doing.  By doing this,
occasionally I'll discover I'm headed in the wrong direction.

At times in my recovery, I've sufferred from depression.
During these times my "autopilot" attendance at meetings has
helped bring me through clean and sober.  When I was like this,
I went to more meetings and I tended to be more rigid about
what the program required for me and especially about what
it required for you.  I became nausiatiningly dogmatic.
Everything was black or white -- gray didn't exist.
Ultimately, I needed counselling from a psychologist to bring
me out of my depression.

For me, the program isn't all there is to life.  It's a tool
I use to be a full-fledged participant in life.  By using
the program to free myself from self-obsession, I have the
time and energy I need to pursue other activities.  By having
a spiritual awakening I can leave self-centered fear behind
and come closer to realizing my potential as a human being.

As far as my friendships in program go, I've found that like
attracts like.  When I had a lot of unresolved ACA and
codependency issue, those were the people I attracted.
Although our behavior often differed, it was always
complementary-- just what was needed to balance the
codenpendent equation.  People pleasers balance the equation
with people piss-offers.  People who with an unavailble
parent try to fix an emotional unavailble mate.
Unfortunately for me, I dated a number of them and finally
married one of them (we are now happily divorced).  Of course,
you could also say that my relationships were unfortunate for
them as well.  Well, then again I could be philosophical and
say that all of these relationships were fortunate in that
they provided me enough pain that I became willing to
change.  And, I'm feeling much better now:)  Coincidently, I
no longer attract so many needy folks.  Maybe it's because
I've turned into an asshole:) Who knows?
Newsgroups: alt.recovery