From: hawley@adobe.com (Steve Hawley)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Non-Traditional Wedding Ceremonies
Date: 18 Nov 92 17:23:11 GMT
Article-I.D.: huxley.hawley-181192085423
Followup-To: soc.couples
Organization: Adobe Systems Inc.

In article <dumic-161192181557@apamea.swarthmore.edu>
dumic@cc.swarthmore.edu (Mark J. Dumic) writes:
>My fiancee and I are planning what I guess you would call a non-traditional
>wedding ceremony.
....
>One line that we are trying to walk is to be
>sensitive to parents and guests who are more comfortable with "standard"
>weddings yet we want to incorporate something that makes sense for us. 

>Stories, suggestions, ideas are welcome.

The wedding of Caroline Smrstik and Stephen Hawley, 3/10/90

Originally, we had planned on going the justice of the peace route and
then throwing a party for our friends.  That seemed like the best way to
avoid offending the largest number of people as neither Carrie nor I are
especially religious, and didn't relish the idea of tracking down a parish
and an officiant and so on and so forth.

As I was calling various friends to let them know our plans, I was speaking
to a friend of mine from grade school who was now in Harvard Divinity
School and was and apprentice Unitarian minister.  Our conversation went
something like this:

Me: "We're going the courthouse route, seems the path of least resistence.
     Ha, ha, ha, wouldn't it be great if you could do the ceremony!"
(Pause)
Maria: "You know, I *think* I could."

Some checking around and we find out that in New Jersey, to preside at a
wedding, you either have to be a judge or certified divine enough by a
religion that has correctly filed with the IRS.  Her chapter of UU in
Boston said that if our local branch said it was OK, then it was OK with
them.  Everyone agrees.

Carrie and I drive up to Boston for a weekend with some ideas for
ceremonies
but mostly with questions.  True to how I knew Maria from years past, she
was INCREDIBLY prepared.  She had books and books of materials that were
tagged and bookmarked.  We assembled a ceremony from various traditions
that consisted of an opening blessing, some Gibran, a wine ceremony,
exchange of vows, exchange of rings, and a pronouncement.  Our
pronouncement
came from a book entitled "A Book of Same Sex Weddings."  We chose to
excise the line "I now pronounce you three gay men."  Had certain family
members known the source, they would've excreted on the spot.

Carrie managed to track down a mutual friend from college who had promised
to be her maid of honor if she ever got married.  Carrie asked him what
kind of flowers would go best with his suit.  So Al was our maid of honor.

For wedding costumes, we went to a used clothing store that is presided by
a wonderful woman with a delicate southern accent.  I selected a set of
tails
and morning trousers that were made in the 30's and carrie selected a dress
that is difficult to describe.  It consists of a peach colored silk slip
with
a black lace section that is worn over it.  Very delicate, very nice, ca.
1920.
The proprietess was so excited for us that she _GAVE_ me a tux shirt with a
collar that is held on by studs, and _GAVE_ Carrie an emeral velvet capelet
with a fur collar.  She made us promise to send her photos.

Rings were a problem.  We wanted bands and went to roughly 15 or 16 jewelry
stores in the area.  To our dismay, they all pretty much carried the same
inventory manufactured by Art Carved and costing huge wads of money.  Not
wanting rings made by a company that mass produces class rings as the bulk
of their revenue, we managed to track down a shop that --horror of
horrors--
designs and MAKES jewelry.  We brought in sketches and while we were
waiting
for the jeweler to finish with another customer, examined some of his work
on display and immediately trashed our own designs.  He had a ring that was
5 circles with a Celtic-type knots joining them together.  We wanted that
design in gold instead of silver and with some other minor modifications.
They are beautiful, unique, and incidentally less costly than Art Carved.

We decided on having the ceremony out of doors at a restored grist mill
outside of Chester.  There was a nice grassy field in front of the water
wheel which was covered in majestic sheets of ice.

The wedding day went extremely well.  There were 30 people present, and
Carrie's parents only showed up some 15-20 minutes late (we almost started
without them because we were losing the light).

Maria looked fabulous and ran the ceremony well.  Al looked great with his
flowers (he also held the rings).  We distributed cameras among the wedding
party and let them have at us.

Steve Hawley
hawley@adobe.com