From: an4782@anon.penet.fi
Subject: Re: Race-based fetishes
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: soc.motss
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 14:23:00 GMT

Can't remember if this is the correct name for this thread or not...Anyway,
as a gay oriental guy (who hasn't fallen out of the closet yet) I'd like
to offer a few brief comments of my own on the subject.

Firstly, about same-color attraction: it's my hunch that most people find
it easier to get attracted to someone of the same color, even where that
color isn't the majority one where you happen to live.  I guess it's the
feeling of familiarity that one gets - I know it takes much less in the
way of "handsomeness" for an oriental guy to get my hormones going than
someone of a different color.  It kind of lends a new dimension to the
meaning of homosexuality, that you could love someone not just of the same
sex, but with very similar physical characteristics to yourself.  Perhaps
there is also the issue of physical compatibility, eg orientals tend to be
smaller in stature and it can be reassuring to be with someone else who is
of the same height and not vastly taller/shorter.  (Which is not to say
that big guy/little guy relationships can't be a blast as well!)

As for relationships BETWEEN colors, so to speak, well I think the main
thing to bear in mind is to always play things by ear and not to be too
paranoid, ie don't assume that somebody likes you simply for your
(minority?) skin color/features or because he/she has stereotypical views
about your culture and background.  If there is genuine chemistry beyond your
mutual physical attraction (hmmm this sounds like a science text!) you'll
sense it as your attachment develops; if not things will very rapidly go 
flat and you'll know it's time to call a halt.  Try to use similar criteria
to what you'd apply to a platonic friendship, and you'll soon know if you're
right for each other or not.

As others have pointed out, it is very important to distinguish between 
fetishes and preferences.  Also, one shouldn't assume that the interest a 
person of a different color shows in you is based on simple and therefore
shallow preferences for your physical attributes.  I myself am attracted to
guys of Indian/Middle Eastern extraction; this is so not merely because they
often tend to be darkish and hairy and to have mustaches (sigh) but also
because I feel some affinity for their ways and have spent some time 
informally studying the culture and history of their part of the world.
Even if I weren't attracted to these guys sexually I would still very much
like to be in contact with them as friends, as I enjoy their company and
feel there's a lot to talk about when we're together.  I am pleased to note
that other "rice queens" I have known (but not come out to) have been
similarly clued up on oriental culture(s) - they often knew more than I did.

And even if worst comes to the worst and someone really has a very
simplistic attraction for you based on race, what better opportunity to 
educate them in your culture and traditions?  Pillow talk can be made most
broadening, you know!

PS: cjlee@netcom.com mentions in passing that gay oriental guys are thought
of as being submissive.  Is this true?  Why?  As it happens I think I am a
little that way inclined, but that's nothing to do with my heritage or
whatever, that's just my personality - I can be a bit shy and retiring in
unfamiliar company.  ("Then what the hell are you doing flaunting your views
in this newsgroup?")  Besides, I am muscularly challenged, know no kung-fu
(there goes another myth) and can't run very fast so I guess I'd have no
choice BUT to submit to quite a few of you guys!   : )

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