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Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative,rec.arts.startrek.misc
Subject: The Definitive STAR TREK Parody Chapter 13 (DS9)
Keywords: Parody
Date: 23 Jan 93 02:05:58 GMT
Organization: SOCS, McGill University, Montreal, Canada


                     The Definitive STAR TREK Parody

                                Chapter 13

                      Yesterday was a Long Time Ago

The Excelsior is a ship out of time.  Captain Sulu isn't having a good
day.

"You're telling me that we've been sent seventy years into the future?"

O'Brien nods.  "The Excelsior disappeared without a trace in the year
2298."

Sulu looks devasted.  "We encountered a cosmic storm and tried to escape
through transwarp."

O'Brien sighs.  "The enquiry never could explain what happened to your 
ship.  Transwarp was abandoned in favour of improving conventional warp."

Sulu becomes philosophical.  "Just as well.  The theoreticians can't be
expected to foresee the effects of tearing holes in space-time."

O'Brien finds that last statement rather ironic what with them being a
minute away from the only known stable wormhole.

"I'd like a look at your base."

"I'm sure Commander Sisko would be pleased to have you, Sir!"

Sulu nods and activates an intercom on the wall.  "Lieutenant Baka, take
us to Deep Space Nine."


Sulu's impression of DS9 is less than favourable.  "*This* is the 
future?"

O'Brien grimaces.  "*This* was a Cardassian base.  The Federation has 
only been here a few weeks."

Sulu nods as he looks around.

O'Brien takes Sulu to meet Commander Sisko and then to the promenade.
He tries to hide his disgust at the sight of Quark, the Ferengi
bartender.  Sulu, however, has no such qualms; he politely asks for a
drink and is, to O'Brien's surprise, politely treated in return.  
O'Brien wonders if maybe he was a bit quick to judge Quark.

Sulu smiles.  "You know, this place isn't that bad after all."  

O'Brien nods.  "Thing is, Keiko and I have a daughter, Molly, and the 
Commander has a son, Jake.  This isn't the best place to raise children."

Sulu frowns.  "Yet you decided to work here?"

O'Brien grimaces.  "Hardly."

Sulu senses O'Brien's discomfort.  "Look, you've been nice enough to 
show me around.  If you like, I can show you around the Excelsior."

O'Brien smiles.  "Thank you, Sir!  I'd be honoured!"


O'Brien is fascinated by the Excelsior's transwarp technology.  "It's a
shame we couldn't get it to work."

Sulu tilts his head to one side.  "As far as we were concerned at the 
time, it *did* work."

O'Brien conceeds Sulu's point.  "It *was* faster than any ship of its 
time."  O'Brien looks at Sulu.  "You served on the original Enterprise, 
didn't you?"

Sulu nods.  "Yes and also, briefly, on the other one until I was offered
the command of the Excelsior."  He smiles and looks around proudly.

O'Brien raises his eyebrows.  "The '*other* one'?  There have been 
*five* ships named Enterprise.  I served on the Enterprise-D."

Sulu shakes his head.  "I keep forgetting how much time has passed."
He sighs.  "Let me show you the bridge."

No sooner do Sulu and O'Brien reach the bridge does the Excelsior
receive a distress call ... from a Cardassian warship!

Sulu takes his seat.  "On screen!"

"This is Gul Myhat of the warship Cannonfodder.  We are under attack
from a ship of cubical shape!"  Gul Myhat looks around him as his ship
is being destroyed.  "AHHH!!!"  The screen goes blank.

O'Brien's mouth drops.  "The Borg!"

Sulu looks puzzled.  "The Borg?"

O'Brien nods.  "They're a race of cyborgs.  They take over entire 
civilizations in an effort to acquire their technology and assimulate
their populace."  He pauses.  "Sir, we can't let them take over 
Cardassia!"

Sulu nods.  "Lieutenant Baka, set an intercept course!"

"Aye aye, Captain!"  The Excelsior leaves Deep Space Nine.


Entering transwarp was less than pleasant.  "You get used to it," Sulu
tells O'Brien.

Lieutenant Baka: "Sir, look!"  The image of the Borg ship appears on 
screen.

Sulu stands up.  "It's huge!"

"Captain, we are being hailed."

Sulu is hesitant.  "On screen."

A fat Borg appears.  "This is Locutus the Second!  Resistance is 
useless!  You will be assimulated!"

Sulu's mouth is agape.  "Mister Scott!"

Locutus the Second nods.  "Aye, Lad, 'tis me."

NEXT: "The Legacy of Locutus"
 
Martin Phipps
SCAVIE AWARD WINNER
LOULA@hep.physics.mcgill.ca
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative