From: brentaa@ac.dal.ca (brent, eh?)
Newsgroups: misc.kids,soc.singles
Subject: Re: BARBIE DOES IT AGAIN!!!!
Date: 11 Oct 92 12:36:48 -0300
Distribution: na
Organization: Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

In article <1b46kkINNfbo@gazette.bcm.tmc.edu>, pburch@bcm.tmc.edu (Paula Burch) writes:
> 
> In article <1992Oct8.074136.7232@newstand.syr.edu>, kgatling@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Keith E Gatling) writes:
> |> Regarding the thread here about Diane supposedly not letting her son fight
> |> back (and I suspect that a lot of you read that wrong), let me add my 2c
> |> without importing previous transcripts.
> |> 
> |> First of all, I was one of those kids who was raised to not fight back, or
> |> at least to avoid confrontations where possible.  The result?  I got beat up
> |> on a regular basis.  
> 
> I always fought back, but I was still the favorite target for beating 
> up on a regular basis.
> 
> My anecdote cancels out your anecdote!
> 
> (I suppose it might have helped if I'd known how to do it better, but 
> I don't want to chime in on that side of the argument right now.)
> 
> Paula Burch
> pburch@bcm.tmc.edu


O.K., since we're delving into childhood memories of bullies and being
bullied, let me disagree with almost everything that has been said so far
and prepare to be singed...

	It has been stated many times by various people in various ways
that children need to learn how to defend themselves from violent
situations.  Before you prepare to flame me, I do not disagree with that
in any way.  Remember this as I continue.

	As a child, I was always smaller than the other kids, and less
coordinated, and so some would think a prime target for being bullied
and picked on.  This didn't happen to me, and there are good reasons why.
The best way to get out of a violent situation is to never get in it in the
first place.  The second best way is to talk your way out of it.  I
learned in grade school that these things actually worked, and that there
are very few potentially violent situtions which one cannot get out of.
Now I realize that there was nothing Dylan could have done in his case
to avoid what happened, and I in no way fault his mother for getting
upset, I think she did the right thing.
My point is that fighting back can often lead to more trouble than learning
other means of problem solving.  Were I to fight back against any of the
bullies that bothered me, even if I had taken martial arts, I would
most likely have gotten beaten up, as they were always bigger and stronger
than me and tended to be in large groups.  Bullies often bully because
they want to start a fight or make you mad, and if they know that they can't
do that, they ussually won't bother.
	I do agree that sometimes there is no choice but to act with 
physical force in self defence, but it doesn't always have to be that
way, and there are other options than teaching your child that the way to 
handle bullies is by becoming the karate kid.  
	I avoided all signifigant violence while growing up, from grade 
school through high school, by using my brains and my mouth.  There were
times when I was pushed around a bit, but that's part of life, not an
irreperable scar on the psyche of the child...
	Violence, even in self defence, is rarely the only option, 
and never the best option.

					-Brontosaur who turned out just fine.