HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: jml@cs.bham.ac.uk (Jane Littlehales)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re : Won't have Sex with a Fat Guy
Date: 16 Oct 92 11:32:36 GMT
Organization: School of Computer Science, Birmingham Univ. UK

In article <1bk31aINNrhv@bigboote.WPI.EDU>  walkerr@bigwpi.WPI.EDU (Robert A 
Walker) writes

>>>
	What is worse is when your SO constantly complains about how big they 
are getting and nevers does anything about, even with constant help, like come
on lets go work out, or "I jsut bought you an excersize bike that you asked 
for, now can you at least sit on it once?"  What do i do in this type of 
situation?  There is consent on both sides that said person needs to lose
weight, but said person refuses to do anything about it. Said person also
complains consatantly about being over weight.  Whats the deal, I don't get
it will someone please explain it to me.  Please

>>>

Its a game called 'yes, but ...'. See 'Games People Play' by Eric Berne.

You have what is called the drama triangle. It is made up of a victim, a
persecutor and a rescuer. Your friend complains about something (appearing to be
the victim). You want to help so make suggestions putting yourself in the rescuer
position. Your friend continually blocks every single positive suggestion you
make. The result is you become the victim and your friend is the persecutor. Games
are always characterised by this switch in positions part way through. Here from
victim to persecutor.

The only way out is not to play. If you stop making suggestions you cannot be
made into a victim. Unfortunately, what often happens is the game will continue
with another topic or, the person is so used to playing games and getting a kick
out of being the persecutor (whether they realise it or not) that they find
someone else to play with. ie. you lose a friend.

I have lost friend through refusing to play their game. But can they be classed as
friends if each game ends up with them persecuting me?

Jane
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: When guys lose their tempers
Date: 12 Oct 92 23:12:00 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1992Oct12.073746.18473@nuscc.nus.sg> isc30350@nusunix1.nus.sg (LOW SUET CHENG) writes:
>
>I would like to get some views on this topic from the dear people here
>in net.land.
>
>I have know of guys who when they lose their tempers, hit their
>girlfriends. After that they are remorseful about it, but they tell
>their girlfriends that it's because they (the girlfriend) make them so
>angry that they can't control themselves. Is this really true or is it
>just an excuse?
>
It seems that there are some men who do this, and that from their 
perspective, they have no control over it. Still, there is no 
excuse. They should have learned or have been taught somewhere
along the way to control themselves under normal circumstances.
No amount of verbal abuse should be sufficient to make someone
so angry that they can't keep themselves from doing something
as stupid as hitting their girlfriend.


>Then there are those also who when things go wrong, they'll blame them
>on the girlfriends and say that the girlfriends have distracted them
>from doing their best. Is this valid?
>
This is just a lame excuse. In life we have always have to divide our
energies among several things. Having a girlfriend is a commitment,
and he shouldn't complain about it.

Michael.
From: keithg@cnmhnet.UUCP (keith garrard)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Won't have Sex with a Fat Guy
Date: 14 Oct 92 22:36:01 GMT
Organization: California-Nevada Methodist Homes

In article <1992Oct13.161621.6126@bnr.ca> P.8188 writes:
>She is totally turned off by his naked appearance to a point where 
>she doesn't want to have sex with him anymore.  She has hinted around
>a bit in an indirect way but nothing seems to matter what she says 
>to him.
>Lately, she came out and told him if he didn't lose weight, she wouldn't
>have sex with him anymore.  He was very upset (to say the least) and is
>
I don't blame her at all.  She should be upset with her
husband for not taking care of himself.  She has told him
how she feels.  If he doesn't do anything about it, then
she should dump him and get someone with some self respect.
I had a friend of mine, who upon getting engaged, had it
put in a prenuptial agreement that if either he or his
bride to be got fat, then it would be sufficient grounds
for divorce.  Neither one of them got fat.  Unfortunately,
they later did divorce for other reasons though!  
The guy in this case though, has a problem.  He ought to 
realize that he has gotten fat.  It is easy to lose a few
pounds now, rather than have to lose 75 pounds later.
--Keith
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Sex and Astrology
From: jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu (jason 'Think!' steiner)
Date: 14 Oct 92 15:16:03 EST
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4

ph2a+@andrew.cmu.edu ("Paul S. Hrynko") writes:
> Astrology is supposedly based on nothing more than old 
> superstition. But pick up a copy of Love Signs by Linda Goodman,
> and very often if you look deep enough you'll find out the problems 
> and evolution of a relationship.

and how is this is different from any other book on pop-psych?

> What some REAL astrology (Not the horroscopes in some newspapers) 
> will predict is too correct for there to be nothing to it. Also, 
> it doesn't just make you relate your life to the predictions by 
> being too vague. Only your sign applies to you, or else a rising 
> sign, etc. Following astrology can help you alleviate your 
> weaknesses in love, romance, and sex by means of a power which we 
> haven't discovered yet.

eh?

--
`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`
`,`       "Every great gift is a kind of curse." - Camille Paglia       `,`
`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,` jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu ,`,`,`
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Liking too many people
Date: 15 Oct 92 18:38:27 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1bhtl0INN3pj@agate.berkeley.edu> bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan) writes:
>Don't really know if this topic has been covered before or
>anything, but anyway, I'll try to keep this short. 
>Basically, I find myself liking almost every female I come
>in contact with.  I'm not really sure if it's healthy (ie,
>am I just overflowing with hormones, is that normal/natural?)
>
It is normal and healthy. Enjoy it. I think you will find that
most of these females will enjoy knowing you like them as long
as you are not so forward about it that you seem to be insisting
that they respond in some way.

>Does this count as lechery, and if it does and I want to
>remove my lecherousness, any ideas on that?  
>
No. I don't have a dictionary handy, but I think that it would
only be lechery if you were trying to convince the females
that you were having sexual thoughts about them. Usually, it
is not too hard to stop thinking about one person, but to 
stop thinking about all females would be nearly impossible.

>                                                For instance,
>there's this female in my class that I really like.  I've asked
>her out and such, and I think I like her alot (think about her
>alot and such), but a few days ago, I met this other female
>(who's involved with my suitemate, which makes me feel doubly
>guilty/evil for liking her) and I think I like her too.  Any
>ideas, help, etc?  Thanks in advance.
>
Remember there is a big difference between thoughts and actions.
If I think about killing someone, I might feel guilty, but no 
harm done. If I kill someone, that is serious. Liking someone
or thinking about them is in the world of thought, not actions.

Unless your suitemate is insanely jealous, or his girl is really
insecure, you shouldn't have to act like you don't like her. You
only have to worry about misbehaving, and I think you will find 
that even when feelings are strong, it is usually easy to avoid
acting in a way you see as unethical.

If you are worried that by liking the one girl you are being 
unkind or unfaithful to the other, you can forget about that. 
You aren't responsible for your thoughts, only your actions.
If you are involved with someone, you should be open about 
how you feel toward them, but your thoughts are your own
and your thoughts about other people are none of her business
if you don't want to share them, and they don't cause you to
do something you shouldn't.

Have Fun,
Michael.
From: arnold@pyramid.unr.edu (Bruce M Arnold)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Long Distance/HS-College Relatinshps.
Date: 16 Oct 92 22:31:59 GMT
Reply-To: arnold@pyramid.unr.edu (Bruce M Arnold)
Organization: University of Nevada, Reno  Department of Computer Science

In article <1992Oct12.051052.25520@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> ncole@nyx.cs.du.edu (Noah Cole) writes:
>I recently posted about this in soc.college, but someone (thanks) suggested thatI post here as well...
>
>I am involved in a relationship with a girl at home in New Hampshire who is in her Junior year of High School.  I started my first year of college here at
>Macalester in Minnesota this past August.  My phone bill is very large and I
>am really trying to keep this relationship alive.. I think.  Everything I hear
>(for the mst part) tells me to let it die because "they never work out: HS
>vs. College" etc... But even though I do hear this I don't want to and I believe
>it in my heart that it will not go on forever, I believe even deeper down that
>It won't dire.. so here I am stuck.,  I don't know what I think.. but I think
>that I am sure that I really love my girlfriend.  I won't even see her untill
>Christmas and we don't know what time and distance will have done to our feelings.  Does anyone out there have suggestions for HS/College relationships?
>Anything woudl help.. thanks

I did this for a long time.  I went out with a girl in high school when I
moved to Salt Lake from Denver.. 

I'm not sure what to tell you.. one thing I am sure of is Not to give up..
don't be a quitter.. even though it might hurt more, just let it go where
it goes.. it might turn out great.. 

Our relationship went FAIRLY well for about a year, but her father thought
we would surely break up with me moving and all, so about after that year,
I came back to visit her for only the 3rd time, I got flattened.. never
mind that though, I guess you probably don't have this problem..

Anyways, just keep those phone bill high.. I sure did, and I still think
it was worth it..  in a way, LD's are better then close/hometown
relationships, and I figure that's because you are always happy and hoping
to see them agian.. You can still get in to arguments and everything LD,
we sure did, but you have to work them out like anything else..

here is the BIG problem though, if there is going to be one..

make sure you tell her everything that is going on in your life, I mean
EVERYTHING.. if you try a new toothpaste and like it, TELL HER DAMMIT!  It
actually makes a difference, and demand the same.. because if you don't
and only concentrate on the "nice" things about being a couple, then you
are going to forget to grow together in the "life" things.. 

E-Mail me... I would be glad to talk to anyone out there about this.. 

Bruce..

--

Yes there is another University of Nevada, and we were here first!
arnold@cs.unr.edu
From: shc@bluemoon.rn.com (n shane chambers)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Bits & pieces..
Date: 7 Oct 92 05:22:06 GMT
Organization: Blue Moon BBS ((614) 868-998[024])

Rob_Tan@kcbbs.gen.nz (Rob Tan) writes:

> 
> Another problem.. this time its mine.. not so major.. but maybe more 
> complex?? It goes like this.. there's a girl I like.. (ah ha! I hear 
> you say..).. its the a question of courgae of ask9ing her out or anything.. 
> Thing is hopefully I'll finish university in 2 more years.. & then I'll 
> be off to the serve national service (the army for those who don't know.), 
> in some other country for about 3 years before becoming a free man again..
> Now.. if I ask & she says no.. the porblem disappears.. coz its not 
> her saying no I'm worried about.. but rather her saying yes if I should 
> ask.. assuming she falls for me, wouldn't it be inconsiderate of me 
> to have initiated things when I know I'll be letting her hang for a 
> few years..? I'm not into causing pain needlessly.. advise please.. 
> now if its me & not her that falls for the other.. then at least its 
> my fault (kinda).. & I'll live.. ( I hope..).. at the moment.. we do 
> (well I do!) enjoy each other's company.. 
> 
> Thanx in advance..
> 


The only advice I could give, is go for it, so to speek.  If you have 
truly found your `special one`, then you would be only depriving her, and 
your self of time together.  Plus the fact that if, or if not, you end up 
together, it would be only right for her to make up her mind weather or 
not she will wait for you.  And if she says shell wait, and doesn`t, it`s 
her loss, not yours.

                good luck, from some one still looking

                     Shc

This is from
  shc@bluemoon.rn.com or ...nstar!bluemoon!shc
Who doesn`t have his (or her) own obnoxious signature yet...

                                And doesn`t plan on getting one eather!

                                             *:)

(all right, I know I can`t spell, is it my falt I never learned the spell 
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: robg@citr.uq.oz.au (Rob Geraghty)
Subject: Re: Hunt them down and kill them (ALSO Advice on Long Distance Romance)
Organization: Prentice Centre, University of Queensland
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 02:43:48 GMT

afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison) writes:

>Oh, alright ... once in a while things haven't worked out, but there are 
>ways and there are ways ... total honesty in a relationship doesn't take 
>the hurt *away*, but it lets one walk away with a feeling of closure, a 
>feeling of `Well, I can see why this had to end, though I still love her/
>him'. I've experienced both kinds, and the latter is far and away the 
>easiest to recover from.

>Any comments, folks ? 

Yes!  I agree with what you're saying in so far as walking away with a
clear concience.  But in my experience it doesn't seem to have increased
the speed of recovery. :-(

The fact that I can look at the whole situation logically doesn't seem
to stop my illogical emotions from making me unhappy!

Rob
Official Journeyman-Harper of the RFA

--
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rob Geraghty                         | Time, flowing like a river
robg@durian.citr.oz.au               | Time, beckoning me
CITR                                 | APP
From: isar@ac.dal.ca
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Army Boots revisited, then I shut up
Date: 13 Oct 92 13:07:34 -0300
Organization: Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada


  Where was I...

    At the risk of beating a dead horse, I'd like to reply to the guy
who told me he agreed with my "Army boots" message, but decided I was
using the "wrong word" because, surely, feminism == equality..NOT

 Well, that attitude is one of the many symptoms of male condescension
we so often encounter.  Consider that if I'm presumptuous enough to call
myself a dedicated feminist, I probably have a PRETTY GOOD IDEA of what the
word means and what it implies.  Of course we advocate equality;  to achieve
that equality in the severely biased society we have today, however, we also
advocate affirmative action, quota systems etc.  

  See, we have this sneaky suspicion that if we sit in our collective derrieres
and gently remind the powers that be that mayhap we have been living under
somewhat disadvantageous conditions and would you please address this inequity
and start forking over half your power base, well, somehow, not much would get
done...


 This is why we think that if two candidates for the same job/position/school
are equally qualified, then the woman/minority/disabled person, should 
definitely be the chosen one.  Unfair?  Not if you consider the overall
picture...

  By the way, I received a lot of supportive messages from readers of this
newsgroup.  This made me VERY happy.  I was also quite impressed with some
guys who wrote professing themselves feminists.  YES, of course men can
and should be feminists too... after all, the status quo is deleterious to
them too, in that it severely limits their choices and gender roles.

  Hopefully we'll reach a stage in which we'll all respect each other's choices
and our freedom to make them.  This is alt.romance (and an enjoyable group)
so I want to thank you all for your attention to a subject somewhat removed
from the main theme (or is it...:)

  Peace,

Isa. R.

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: bcr@cernapo.cern.ch (Bill Riemers)
Subject: Re: Please Help
Organization: CERN, European Research Center for High Energy Physics
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 16:33:10 GMT



>              Please answer these 9 questions and return.
>
Sorry, I can't seem to e-mail to that address, so I'm posting this
responce...

Your questions are to loaded in thier wording, so I've taken the
liberty of rewording them...  If you really want my answers to the
original wording look down at the end.

HOW ABOUT:
1.) Do you think equal rights for men and women is a good idea?
Yes                  [x]                          
Sometimes            [ ]
No                   [ ]
Haven't heard enough [ ]
Other                [ ]

BETTER:
2.) Are you pro choice?
Very much            [x]
Somewhat             [ ]
Not at all           [ ]
Haven't heard enough [ ]
Other                [ ]

3.) Are you in favor of adoption?
Yes                  [ ]
Sometimes            [x]
No                   [ ]
Haven't heard enough [ ]
Other                [ ]

4.) Do you think men should be allowed to legally terminate their parental
rights and responsibilities before fetal viability?
Yes                  [ ]
Sometimes            [x]
No                   [ ]
Haven't heard enough [ ]
Other                [ ]

5.) What sex are you?
Male               [x]
Female             [ ]

6.) How old are you?
Under 18           [ ]
19 to 65           [x]
Over 65            [ ]

REWORDED:
7.) What religion are you?
Christian          [x]
Jewish             [ ]
Other              [ ]
None               [ ]

REWORDED:
8.) What political party are you affiliated with?
Democratic         [ ]
Republican         [ ]
Other              [ ]
None               [x]

9.) How many years of education have you completed?
Grade School       [ ]
High School        [ ]
College            [ ]
More               [x]








>1.) Do you think equal rights for men and women is generally a good idea?
>Yes                  [ ]                           ^^^^^^^^^
>Sometimes            [ ]
>No                   [ ]
>Haven't heard enough [ ]
>Other                [x]  This question has too many possable interpretations:


I interpret it equivalent to:
1.)Do you think equal rights for men and women is sometimes a good idea?

In this case the answers Yes and Sometimes are ambiguous...







>2.) Are you pro choice?
>Yes                  [x]
>Sometimes            [ ]  How can you sometimes be pro-choice???
>No                   [ ]
>Haven't heard enough [ ]
>Other                [ ]






>7.) What religion are you?
>Protestant         [ ]
>Catholic           [ ]
>Jewish             [ ]
>Other              [x]


>8.) What political party are you affiliated with?
>Democratic         [ ]
>Republican         [ ]
>Other              [ ]
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Am I in Love?
Date: 15 Oct 92 18:17:26 GMT
Reply-To: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Organization: BNR Europe Limited, London Road, Harlow, Essex, GB

In the referenced article roberso@asdsun.larc.nasa.gov (Steve Roberson) writes:
>I've been seeing my girlfriend now for six months.
>I thought all this time that I loved her, but now I'm not so sure.
>We both have commitment, honesty, trust, and communication so what is
>missing?
>I almost feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I love her.
>But I also feel like the one I'm supposed to be with is still out there.
>Has any one gone through something like this because if you have I sure would
>like some advice!
>
>Steve

Very nasty, Steve. Very nasty. I feel very sorry for you. I wish I had
my ex's email address to give you, as she was obviously in the same
situation as you! Her solution though? Hide her feelings as long as possible 
then dump me uncermoniously! Don't do this, please! :-\ + ;-) (As if you
would! :-))

Ok, a couple of obvious things:

- *Very gently* try to tease out of your GF what she feels about the
  relationship. If you both feel the same way, *GREAT*. If not...

- If not, then *very carefully* prepare her for the inevitable -- split.
  When it comes to it, be firm and just go. Do not compromise. Be very
  careful if she still wants to maintain some sort of relationship. It may
  work out, but it may not.

- NB. No doubt some relationships are re-kindlable. The only way you're
  gonna find out is by discovering how she truly feels. If you are both
  concerned about the lark of sparkle, you may have a wonderful time in
  putting some new joint effort into your relationship.

Good luck, you're probably gonna need it.

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: chyde@pecos.ads.com (Clinton Hyde)
Subject: Re: What do you want from us?
Organization: Advanced Decision Systems, Mountain View, CA 94043, +1 (415)
	960-7300
	<1992Sep30.085356.1@eagle.wesleyan.edu>
	<1992Oct2.193734.1004@eskimo.celestial.com>
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 00:00:39 GMT


the skidmarks joke is from Rita Rudner. she's been using it for years.

 -- clint
--

Clint Hyde		"Give me a LispM or give me death!" -- anonymous

Advanced Decision Systems/BAH	Internet:  chyde@chesapeake.ads.com
1953 Gallows Rd, Suite 600
Vienna, VA  22182-3934		(703) 902-7130
Newsgroups: alt.romance