From: tt@wag.caltech.edu (Toshi Takeuchi)
Newsgroups: soc.religion.eastern
Subject: sexuality in today's world
Date: 5 Oct 1992 13:29:16 -0700
Organization: ----
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: sandman.caltech.edu

This post has been very difficult for me to write due to the sensitivity 
of the subject.  I am trying to approach the topic of sexuality, NOT
on the basis of what is right or wrong, but on the basis of experience,
example and the effects of sexuality in our lives.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is sexuality such a hot topic?

In today's society, sex is pervasive.  You can't get away from it!

--When you watch TV or read magazines, sex is used to sell cars, clothes,
  soap, beer...; you name it, sex will sell it.


STOP A SECOND; let's think about it.

--Why does sex sell?

Simply put, (perhaps naively)

	SEX=PLEASURE

The advertisers try to associate pleasure with their products.  If their
are associated with pleasure, then you'll buy their product because it's
pleasing.



--So what does this mean to those of us interested in "spirituality"?

Let's take a look at this topic from various perspectives.  

1. SEX=TABOO?

A person asked me, 'Why is it "okay" to enjoy a beautiful sunset, but
"wrong" to look at a beautiful woman lustfully?'

Well, this perspective can be exemplified with this fictitious person:

	I think that sex is wonderful.  It makes me feel alive!
	Of course, the problem lies in where do I go to meet the
	right kind of person?  I usually go out a few nights a week and
	maybe have a drink or two; I ocassionaly meet some nice prospective 
	person to share my time with.  I know that there are problems with 
	AIDS and other things, but I usually have safe sex.
	Besides, all of the people I go for aren't that type anyway.

(remember, no flames, this is a fictitious person )

	Who knows, maybe I'll find someone really nice sooner 
	or later, that someone who makes me feel just right may show up.

-----

Okay, let's examine this fictitious person, who is in some extent, a
part of you or me.

1.  This person sees sex as a pleasurable experience.  Furthermore, they
    link that special someone as someone who can make them "feel good".

Of course there is nothing wrong with that, but how far does this go?

Does:

RELATIONSHIP=PLEASURE?

then does

relationship=sex?

--Perhaps, some of the high divorce rates are due to the fact
that once the pleasure of sex dies down, the relationship loses
its foundation...

Judge for yourself, but I only observe the fact that the person 
spends much of their time trying to find pleasure, VIA this
"right person".

--If this person is spending most of their energy trying to find
the "right" person, much less of their energy can be spent
upon focusing upon compassion, love, and meditation/prayer.

I'm NOT saying that searching for the right person is bad.
I'm NOT saying that looking for pleasure is bad.
I'm NOT saying that one should be meditating at all.

I'm just trying to draw attention to a couple subjects.

a. Try to be aware of the qualities of this "right person".  Be aware
   of your sexual attraction; is that the basis of your relationships?
   Is that the way you want it to be? 

b. Sometimes the best relationships are found when one is not
   "searching" so hard.  If we focus more upon being compassionate
   and loving, then perhaps the qualities such as love and compassion
   will draw you to a person as much as sexual energy.

Each of us have our own path.  No one way is better than another.
However, you might consider that:


                  You are what your deep driving desire is.
           As your desire is, so is your will.  As your will is,
           so is your deed.  As your deed is, so is your destiny.
                  Brihadaranyaka IV.5 (The Upanishads)

If a person's driving desire is to find pleasure, then their deeds will
be in accordance to satisfy that desire to find pleasure.  Hence their
destiny may lie as a pleasure seeker, an "ego gratifier".


WAIT!

This seems to have negative connotations.  Who says I can't seek pleasure
and grow at the same time?

Sometimes the attachment to pleasure causes much pain and suffering in
the long run.

Example:

	I think in many cases, sexual attraction diminishes somewhat as the
	relationship lengthens.

	Sometimes one may even feel that something is wrong if the sexual 
	intensity is missing.  One may even feel that the relationship
	is no longer any good.

	At times a person may be attached to pleasure so much, that 
	they begin to seek it outside of a relationship.

--I'm sure you can think of many more examples yourself.


Can you now begin to understand what is meant when Buddha says:

	Don't get selfishly attached to anything, for 
	trying to hold on to it will bring you pain.
	When you have neither likes nor dislikes, 
	you will be free.

	Selfish attachment brings suffering; selfish 
	attachment brings fear.  Be detached, and you
	will be free from suffering and fear.

	--The Dhammapada, Ch. 16



So, you can see how attachment to pleasure can causing suffering
(via extramarital affairs etc...)

The big question arises:

	Does giving up attachment to sexuality mean that we have to
	deny our sexuality and torture and whip ourselves?

The answer,

	NO, NO!!

We may acknowledge the sexual energy within us and 
MOVE IT THROUGH our being.

What does this mean? 



Well, the idea is to deal with our sexual energy rather than having our
sexual energy deal with us.

Example:

	Suppose you're at a party or a gathering or whatever.
	You see this good looking person, and think to yourself,
	gee, they seem to be really nice.  The mind starts to
	roll, is that person single, I'd like to start to
	talk with them some more, etc...

I don't know about you, but when I start to think with my (you know what)
rather than my head, all my thoughts of compassion and love are
out the window.

Or how about something more subtle:

	I don't really know what car I want to buy.  Hmm, I wonder
	if X makes good cars...  Your mind wanders back to the
	X commercial with the beautiful woman in it, and you feel
	good.  You think to yourself for some reason, okay, I
	feel good about that car, I'll go check it out.

HEY!!  THIS IS NO JOKE.

Could things actually work like that?  Do associations occur like that?
Well, if it didn't work, then why would there be hundreds of commercials
which advertise with sex?



Okay, so what do you do?

When you feel sexual energies, instead of acting upon them immediately,
you might want to think about balancing them.

Instead of acting like an animal and get led around with your hormones,
you might want to balance your energies and act with awareness of
your actions.

--When you feel sexual intensity, then balance yourself as you would in
  meditation.  The sexual energy can begin to move through your being
  and balance your being.

Since I work with chakras, whenever I feel energy in my gonads, I try
to move it to the back and push it up the back, through the throat.
You may feel tingling rush up from the gonads to the throat.


--The key point with me, is that whenever I feel that energy, I 
  try to let it flow through my being, rather than saying,
  "AAh this feels good, but I don't want it to be there, go away."

Don't whip and torture yourself.  Balance it out.

Toshi
tt@wag.caltech.edu

P.S.  This has been a long post.  Please read it, reply to it, and make
      comments about it.  I need help on this subject as much as any
      of you might!!