HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Weaver)
Subject: Re: How does this happen?
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 92 17:23:51 GMT

In article <1992Aug12.214156.17595@javelin.sim.es.com> pashdown@javelin.sim.es.com (Pete Ashdown) writes:
>pfleming@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Patrick E Fleming) writes:
>
>>So what in the hell makes people feel so damned undeserving of love?  Why can't
>>some people allow themselves to feel loved?  Why can't some people indulge 
>>themselves in the right to be imperfect and still be loved anyhow?
>
>Because, in a sense, it is boring.  No challenges, no moral stimulation, and
>usually no intellectual stimulation.  Lovey dovey is fun for about a week, but
>then you have to think about the rest of your life.
>
I think Patrick really meant why do some people feel uncomfortable being
loved, not why being loving can be unattractive. But your answer is 
interesting.

>I've recently discovered that if you make it a "privilege" for the other
>person to go out with you, then it IS a privilege for them to go out with you.
>If they give you a hard time, let them know to their face of your
>disatisfaction.  Don't sit back and whimper about how you'll never meet
>another person like them, so you have to "take whatever they dish out."  YOU
>WON'T meet another person like them, but you WILL meet someone who is better,
>or worse, but always DIFFERENT.  TRUST ME, the best way is to respect
>yourself.  Believe that you are better off alone than with someone who doesn't
>respect you and suddenly the world becomes a different place.  
This is good advice. It is a hard fact, but if you appear too anxious
to give, you will be judged to be a parasite, only interested in
taking.  On the other hand, if you appear selfish you will be judged
capable of giving. The reason for this of course is that if you were a
parasite and wanted to get your way through manipulation, you would
start out by appearing giving. (Unless you thought two moves ahead and
realized that appearing selfish would better serve your ends).


>								I'm dealing
>with a girl right now who has strung guys along on chains, and loves it.
>She's having fits because her manipulatory garbage doesn't work on me.  Every
>time she does something that makes me angry I tell her, and she gets quite
>upset as well.  However, EVERY time I slam down the phone or SLAM the car door
>I find her calling me back a few hours later, walking up my doorstep, or just
>somehow meeting me in an apologetic state.
>
I think you lose some of the force of your argument here. I know this is
just an example, but it seems to suggest that the alternative to being
manipulated is to manipulate. This may be true if you want a relationship
with a manipulative person, but manipulative behavior is not a requirement
for a successful relationship. You need to demonstrate self-respect, as
suggested above, but you can do this without being manipulative.


Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What is LOVE ?
From: steiner@jupiter.cse.utoledo.edu (jason "Think!" steiner)
Date: 18 Aug 92 16:07:06 EST

ankolamb@ucunix.san.uc.edu (Guess Who ?) writes:
> 
> Just a question....
> 
> What is LOVE ??

a fun song by Deee-Lite?
From: stormoen@plains.NoDak.edu (Michael D. Stormoen)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: COMPUTER RELATIONSHIPS
Date: 14 Aug 92 00:58:08 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: North Dakota Higher Education Computing Network

In article <1992Aug13.202738.11162@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> lhartman@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Lori L Hartman) writes:
>For a couple of months now, I have been communicating with someone over the 
>
>We plan to meet for the first time Labor 
>
>NETWORK?  How did it turn out?  What was the meeting like?
>
>Lori

Lori, let me tell you a story...

I met a couple of girls through talk.  After spending quite of bit of online
time, and hearing about what they had said to another friend, we both had
the impression that the girls had nice personalities and were cute.

To our disgust, when we met them for lunch, we became sick!

They were both young, immature, had no personal hygine, smoked, drank,
swore, talked rudely, and were very annoying.  From talking to them, I
knew that what they had said previously was just a joke.

So this wasn't such good luck, but I _have_ met nice people over the net.

(I wrote this because everyone likes to hear the worst news; the media has
trained us to like that!)

I wish you the best of luck with your meeting, and I feel from here that
it will turn out to be very memorable and a very special occasion.

Micahel D.

stormoen@plains.nodak.edu

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: kjell@elixir.e.kth.se (Kjell Rilbe)
Subject: Re: Lopsided Beginnings
Organization: Dept. of EE, Royal Institute of Technology, Stockholm, Sweden
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 08:23:14 GMT

In article <92229.205445ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET> <ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET> writes:
>(This got a little long)
>Original poster, here, although I _still_ don't know how to copy
>text from one message to another (help, help).  

I tried sending this to you through email, but my system couldn't find your
email address, so I'll just post it here. 

If you are using 'rn' on a unix machine you have four commands (keypresses)
to post a reply to an article:

r - Send a reply through email. Don't include article.
R - Send a reply through email. Include article.
f - Send a follow-up article. Don't include article.
F - Send a follow-up article. Include article.

Just press one of these letters, when displaying the article you want to
reply to. EMACS will automatically be started (at least on my machine)
to let you edit everything, along with the included article.

Hope this helps!

/Kjell Rilbe

P.S. Loved your story. :-)



Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Subject: Re: RP vs. SO
Reply-To: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Organization: St. Elizabeth Hospital, Youngstown, OH
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 14:00:08 GMT


In a previous article, kjell@elixir.e.kth.se (Kjell Rilbe) says:

>Hi folks!
>Now, that I have the correct meanings of these abbreviations, I must say
>I agree with the .sig I saw (who was it?) that says something like
>"Stamp out SO" and suggesting we use RP instead. 
>"Romantic Partner" does sound a bit more, well, romatic. :-)
>
>>RP	Romantic Partner
>>SO	Significant Other
>
>

i have to agree with Kjell on this one... =)

Significant Other sounds too 70s...too "feminazi"  (with nods to
Rush Limbaugh for that word.. ;).....I mean EVERYONE is
significant...!   and if they aren't you..they are "other"...

(i think..)

So RPs of the world unite!  (at once?  hmm..... *grin*)


-- 

             Nothing is so aggravating as calmness.

                      -- OSCAR WILDE --
From: pm3_norr@csd.brispoly.ac.uk (Paul Norris)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Make the move?
Date: 14 Aug 92 12:12:27 GMT
Organization: Bristol Polytechnic, England


 dreamer@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu (David Caruso II ~~~) writes:
}>>
}>>I'm still curious.  If YOU had been this woman, how would you react if this 
}>>friendly, good-looking (a conceit) waiter called you and asked you for lunch

John Palmer:
}>      I, personally, would be upset.  I value my privacy pretty highly, and 
}>someone using this type of means to track me down would make me angry.
}>     I dunno if everyone feels this way. . .  but me, I would wait and hope 
}>she came back in again and ask her out in person.


Dawn Bott:

}But if you aren't sure...and you DO want to go out with her..John might 
}have the safest way not to blow it.
}
}Or...a final thought:  if you know she's at Uni Kansas...and you have
}been this devious so far...why not try and find her on campus?
}Seeing you in person would be far better than calling and taking the
}chance she doesn't even remember who you are.

Now that is good advice.  If you're able to find out where on campus
she's likely to be and arrange too "bump into" her, that would seem to me
to be a much better way to start a friendship.  Then if things go well
you can always confess all at a later date....


}Enjoy the chase!

Absolutely!

Paul
-- 
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
                                            --  Charlie Brown
From: jcr@mbunix.mitre.org (Rogers)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Lopsided Beginnings
Date: 14 Aug 92 16:26:55 GMT
Organization: The MITRE Corporation, Bedford, MA

<ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET> writes:

> ...I had known him for about 5 months, and wouldn't have
> DREAMED of wanting to go out with him.  I was actually
> rather negative about even entertaining the idea .... 
> But, ...  it's worked out wonderfully.

These situations seem to crop up fairly often, where one party
in a now-successful relationship professes to initially have
felt absolutely no attraction for their partner, or even to
have felt repulsion. (Far as I can tell, the initially-unattracted
one is more often the woman.) Then, "somehow," things changed.

I'm curious about the "somehow." Would the original poster care
to elaborate on her own situation? Do others have similar experiences
to share? (At the very least, maybe this will make all us lonely
guys feel better about the swarms of women who are currently
unaware of our existence. :-) )

-- Jeff R.
From: rfrost@spam.adelaide.edu.au (Richard Frost)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: just another musing on LJBF....
Date: 21 Aug 92 21:22:18 GMT
Organization: Dept. of Stats Pure & Appl. Maths, Adelaide University
In-reply-to: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu's message of 19 Aug 92 20:21:20 GMT

In article <(funny squiglies)> ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott) writes:

>   Found this quote in  _A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love_ :
>
>
>       "No woman ever hates a man for being in love
>	with her; but many a woman hates a man for
>	being her friend."
>
>			      -- Alexander Pope

OH Really ?   Then why do females only ever delight 
in telling me to "f*** off?". Then I hear how terrible guys are, and how
they are spineless, etc, etc, etc.  Why don't the all the "prince charmings"
get given a badge or something, so the rest of us can stop bashing our heads
(and hearts) into a pulp?

Sometimes I think females should spend a sabatical year in a guy's body
just so they have some idea of what their rejection feels like.
Sortof a reverse version of the mainstream movie "switch". (Retitled in USA?)
Yes, I realise it's probably worse on the female side, but still...

De-lurking after 2.5 years reading alt.romance, and probably going to regret
theise words in the morning when I am sober, and have to go to a funeral.


I DO (do I?) realise that:

1) Nightclubs are probably not a great place to meet wonderful people.
2) Being able to find professional employment will suddenly make me that much
	more acceptable.
3) I should join some hobby/whatever/community-work clubs.

True?
Sorry for all the cynicism, its just today. (Well this year, really).


- Robert Wozniak    (Posted through a friend (who will pass on any email)

--
.---------------.--------------------------------------------------------.
| Richard Frost | Internet Address :  rfrost@spam.adelaide.edu.au        |
.-------.-------^--------------------------------------------------------|
| O F F | A NEW life awaits you in the OFF WORLD colony, the chance to   |
| WORLD | begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure !    |
`-------' New climates, recreational facilities ...                      |
| The custom tailored genetically engineered humanoid replicant designed |
| especially for YOUR needs !!                          .... BLADERUNNER |
`------------------------------------------------------------------------'
From: diana@wetware.com (CatWoman )
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: COMPUTER RELATIONSHIPS
Date: 14 Aug 92 14:01:35 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Castle WetWare MouseCatcher

lhartman@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Lori L Hartman) writes:

] Does anyone have any experience with meeting someone you've met 
] over the NETWORK?  How did it turn out?  What was the meeting like?

Yes; great; Seems to be still going strong after almost a year
and a half...

The story:  I had been aware of his writings from the
time I discovered the 'net.  He is, or WAS, one of the
more prolific writers in some of the more controversial
groups.  I actually started exchanging e-mail with him
because I was trying to exchange e-mail with someone 
else who was getting bounce messages - so the person
asked him to forward the mail to me.  After a few mail
exchanges, I talked with him on the phone a couple of
times, and tried to get him to come to a gig with the
band (I'm an occasional roadie).  One day he posted in
a local group about finding a place for breakfast (he
worked owl shift), so I asked him to meet me for breakfast.
We wound up spending 9 hours walking around and talking.

I then invited him over for dinner a couple of weeks
later - and when he was getting ready for work, and
complaining he really didn't want to go - I suggested
he call in sick.  He did.  This was a year ago last May.

Guess this qualifies on TWO threads - Meeting people
over the 'net, and Woman making the first "moves".

8-)

Diana
From: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Vacation..all i ever wanted...
Date: 13 Aug 92 21:39:07 GMT
Reply-To: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Organization: St. Elizabeth Hospital, Youngstown, OH


Salutations.....

Just thought i'd pop on a question to get those creative
juices flowing around here...

Where is the most romantic place in the world?  

I need some honeymoon destination ideas.....and i know
i can count on this bunch!  =)

cheers...


Dawn


-- 

             Nothing is so aggravating as calmness.

                      -- OSCAR WILDE --
From: chen@ie.utoronto.ca (Chen Wang)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Lurker (me!) delurk + intro + fantasy + whatever ... :)
Date: 21 Aug 1992 01:27:08 -0500
Organization: UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway
NNTP-Posting-Host: cs.utexas.edu


Hi, all:

	Being a lurker on this group for so long. I guess now is the time to
delurk. :) (Damned, just can't resist no more! :( I wanna a bigger closet! :))

	As for myself, I am 16 (Gee ... ain't we all? :)) Currently in my
2nd year of CS. My romantic history is relatively short, put it simplely:

	Went out with an older girl (19). 6 month into the relationship,
difference in our life style (I am a night hawk and she is not. :)), we
LJBFed. She went out with a few slim balls since (her own words) and have
been starting to saying how nice I treated her ever since. My very first
serious relationship (Read, anything beyond a single date).

	Anyways, here is my (our?) (Since my ex/best female friend share
the very same fantasy, coincidence? Naaa.... :)) fantasy:

 	Driving somewhere and got stuck half way due to snow (Note the
Canadian Content! :)), and have to stay in a small abandoned lodge. I start
a fire and then carry her tired body to the floor. Started to strip her
only to be interrupted by the clapse of the roof. We make love while
white innocent snow pouring over our heads, over our burning bodies....

	.......

	hmmmm....

	-- Chen Wang

Ps: Excuse me, I just feel a sudden urge to call her. :)

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
                     |
chen@ie.toronto.edu, | Please send all time bombs, pies, bugs, viruses,
                     | flames, core dumps, to me. :-)
chen@ie.utoronto.ca, |
                     |
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))




Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Love at first sight?
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 22:02:22 GMT

 (ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET) wrote:

: More like detestation on my part, annoyance and a desire to prove
: how wrong I was on his.  It changed over a plate of stir-fry, my
: broken sink drain and breaking heart - he listened, and later, when
: I took his advice and dumped the other one, and Mr. Right was available,
: it worked out.

Thanks for sharing the story!  I've found that rapt attention and a good ear
sometimes warms the heart of even the coldest Ice Maiden ... :)
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: djd7889@tm0006.lerc.nasa.gov (Douglas J. Deutsch)
Subject: Re: Love at first sight?
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: NASA Lewis Research Center / Cleveland, Ohio
Date: 12 Aug 1992 13:35 EST  

In article <1992Aug12.023518.21123@newshub.ccs.yorku.ca>, kleiner@nexus.yorku.ca (Ron_M_Kleiner) writes...
>For those of you who are married (or close to it):  Was there love at 
>first sight for either of you?  Both of you?  I'm particularly interested
>in those cases where one partner was infatuated from the beginning but
>the other was not.
> 
Well, it wasn't love at first sight for either of us (my fiance and myself). 
We had known each other (read: We had been in 2 classes together and possibly
would recognize the other if he/she ran over us in a truck) for a while, but
never talked to each other and weren't really even friends.  I work in the
Computer lab at school and she was in there late one night and asked me for
a ride home, and I asked her out that night.  Anyway she's told me (in 
retrospect, of course) that she wasn't even particularly interested in going
out with me (or continuing to, for that matter), but that she was just being
'nice.'  Anyway, I showed her:  I made her fall in love with me. :)

Even if you weren't the slightest bit interested in my story, I told it
anyway. :)

DJD
===================================================================
| Douglas James Deutsch     | EMAIL: djd7889@tm0006.lerc.nasa.gov |
| 516 East Merry Street #13 |        cb208cs@opie.bgsu.edu        |
| Bowling Green, OH 43402   |=====================================|
|===========================|=========== 297 more days ===========|
|=================================================================|
| 'Don't knock my smock or I'll clean your clock'  - Hobbes       |
| 'Smock smock smock smock smock smock smock smock' - Hobbes      |
===================================================================

>Ron Kleiner
>kleiner@nexus.yorku.ca
>
From: diana@wetware.com (CatWoman )
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: RP vs. SO
Date: 20 Aug 92 00:48:16 GMT
Organization: Castle WetWare MouseCatcher

wanless@mcl.ucsb.edu (Paul Wanless) writes:

] >>Hi folks!
] >>Now, that I have the correct meanings of these abbreviations, I must say
] >>I agree with the .sig I saw (who was it?) that says something like
] >>"Stamp out SO" and suggesting we use RP instead. 
] >>"Romantic Partner" does sound a bit more, well, romatic. :-)
] 
] >Significant Other sounds too 70s...too "feminazi"  (with nods to
] >Rush Limbaugh for that word.. ;).....I mean EVERYONE is
] >significant...!   and if they aren't you..they are "other"...
] >(i think..)
] 
] I have to agree...I've always been bugged by SO...
] "significant other..." significant other what??
] RP makes much more sense.

Heh.  Reminds me of an e-mail exchange I had last
year with my PYM(*), which he found and mailed back
to me a couple of weeks ago - he had said the same 
thing - that he had LOTS of "significant" people in
his life, and he proposed the acronym of: JBOC
This to stand for: Joint Boudoir Occupations Companion.

(well - it DOES work for those of us who are, err,
practising JointBoudoirOccupations!)

Diana

(*) PYM - the "tla's" we finally have rather adopted,
and are now spreading around the net:

PYM: ProblemYoungerMan
POW: ProblemOlderWoman
PYW: ProblemYoungerWoman
POM: ProblemOlderMan
From: aland@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Alan D.)
Subject: Re: How often do women do it?? (Propose, that is)
Reply-To: aland@cs.brandeis.edu
Organization: As little as possible
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 18:46:45 GMT

kjell@elixir.e.kth.se (Kjell Rilbe) writes:

>So, Amy and Alan, when are you getting married?
>I'm sure I'm not the only one who wants a happy end to this!
>Let's hear it!

>;-) ;-) ;-)

You want this to end?  The most up-beat thread I've seen in quite some
time?  Well, *PHTHTPHTPHT* to you, then. ;)

And that's all I'm going to say right now...

	-=Alan
From: mlb@CISCO.COM (Marcia Bednarcyk)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: LJBF
Date: 13 Aug 92 18:49:41 GMT

In article <1992Aug12.112821.8224@vax.oxford.ac.uk>, kjalcock@vax.oxford.ac.uk writes:
|> Anyway, the point of all this waffle is that some people do want more friends
|> and some people don't, so how about a bit of agreeing to differ?

I'll agree to differ, with one concession: the people who do not wish to
continue the relationship as anything less than SOs have no right to dismiss
the offer of friendship as an insult. It may be less than what you wanted,
but to be rude about it is unacceptable. Disappointment is no excuse for bad
manners.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                        ADDRESS: mlb@cisco.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."
"... the meaning of life is to be happy, try not to hurt people, and hope
you fall in love."
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: LJBF
Date: 13 Aug 92 17:52:52 GMT
Reply-To: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Organization: BNR Europe Limited, London Road, Harlow, Essex, GB

In the referenced article kjalcock@vax.oxford.ac.uk writes:
>I sense that this discussion (LJBF) is getting a little acrimonious...

Nah, not on a.r! We're all too nice here to get acrimonious! ;-)

>Some people do seem to have "enough" friends...

Yes. Sad, for those that just don't get it, but true. And completely
normal, IMHO.

[Interesting anecdotes deleted]

>
>Anyway, the point of all this waffle is that some people do want more friends
>and some people don't, so how about a bit of agreeing to differ?
>
>		KT

Absolutely -- but not much fun! ;-)

So, just to stir a little ;-) : As a 'minimum friends' sorta guy, in observing
those that seem to lap "friends" up like a cat in the Sahara, I wonder
if they manage to devote as much time & attention to them all as I do to
my few?

<runs for cover...!>

BTW, forgot to say in my last post -- I've just been LJBA'ed! :-( (Let's
Just Be Acquaintances) Any other victims of this devilish new LJB* theme?

A guy could get paranoid with LJBAs, let alone LJBFs! But I struggle on... :-)
Boy, I must be *real* ugly! ;-)

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
From: udbl@pool.info.sunyit.edu (David Lally)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: COMPUTER RELATIONSHIPS
Date: 16 Aug 92 23:21:46 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: State University of New York -- Institute of Technology

Lurking from Utica, Land of the Concrete Sky:

It's true you have to be careful, and check out the prospective 
person you are writing, like you already have (e.g. photo,
talking on the phone) especially if the relationship is a long 
distance one.

It looks like Lori has taken all those precautions.

It shouldn't matter if it is a long distance relationship if
the interest is strong enough, then by all means  continue with
your plans.

I had a similiar relationship, and it went great.  She even \
stayed at my place and neither of us got the chance to 
see anything but my apartment.  Believe me it was well
worth it.

Scope this guy out as much as you can, Lori, because it could
be the weekend of your life, or be the  most disappointing
situation you have put yourself into.  But life is full
of chances, take one.

-D 
Newsgroups: alt.romance