From: dave@bradley.bradley.edu (David Vessell)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Date: 14 Apr 92 21:36:24 GMT
Article-I.D.: bradley.1992Apr14.213624.19550
Distribution: usa
Organization: Bradley University

jsp@uts.amdahl.com (James Preston) writes:

>dave@bradley.bradley.edu (David Vessell) writes:
>}Respect is a big part of the bottom line, but I don't see what is so
>}disrespectful by testing the waters.  
>
>Well, this is an example of what you were saying in another posting about
>each person having their own idea of where the lines are.  I feel that,
>given that you KNOW that two people are in an exclusive, romantic relation-
>ship, even testing the waters is disrespectful.  Ask yourself this:  If
>the couple in question is married, is it ok to "test the waters"?  As I
>said before, I personally don't see that much difference between two
>people agreeing to be committed to each other and two people getting that
>agreement blessed by the church or the state.  What matters is what those
>two people have chosen, and it is that choice that deserves respect.

If they were married I would be much less likely to pursue things, yes.  I
have a high level of respect for marriage (that being the deep state of
commitment between two people, and I don't feel that has to be blessed by
anyone, and likewise I've met 'married' people whom I don't consider
married, but that's another topic).

>}Of the couple times I've done it, my
>}level of respect for the other guy had a lot to do with how far I pushed
>}things.  If I had a decent amount of respect for the guy, then I'd be
>}fairly conservative.  In one instance it went beyond disrespect; I actively
>}despised the guy, and I gauged how much was too much by how it affected the
>}woman, and really didn't take him into much consideration at all.
>
>Forgive me if I'm being presumptuous, but it sounds like you are agreeing
>with me.  You're not arguing that it is NOT disrespectful to woo someone
>who is in a relationship, you're only saying that YOU get to decide how much 
>respect you want to accord that relationship.  I agree completely that you 
>get to decide that (how could it be otherwise?).  

That's part of my point.  The other part is that my pursuit of the woman
doesn't necessarily mean I have no respect for the other guy.  If he were
to fight back (not physically, hopefully) I would probably have more
respect for the guy in that he has the backbone to try to defend his
relationship.

I can respect him, and maybe empathize with him to a certain extent, but I
have enough backbone to figure out whether or not it's worth it.  Tucking
tail and running the minute I find out she's attached is a bit spineless.
I'd rather have a reason for stopping.

>}There is a default level of respect I accord all people, but the level of
>}respect (or disrespect) beyond that is earned.  
>
>Sure.  But my default level of respect when it comes to an existing
>relationship is "hands off", period.  And someone who violates what I 
>consider proper respect has earned my disrespect.  So I call him scum.
>We each get to draw our own lines, and have to live with the consequences.

Then we agree to disagree, I suppose.
-- 
=========*davE*.....making the world safe for intelligent dance music.=========
As you're cleaning the orange carpet, you will hear a voice that says, "Fetch 
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--(David Vessell)--(Bradley University Computing Services)-(dave@bradley.edu)--
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