From: leeba@mot.com (Leeba Salzman)
Subject: At what age is day care appropriate?
Reply-To: leeba@mcil.comm.mot.com
Organization: Motorola Communications Israel Ltd., Tel Aviv
Distribution: na
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 07:33:54 GMT


I agree with those who have said that we need to respect everyone's choice
about working/being home with kids.  We all have our individual needs and
no one solution can suit everyone.

I have with 3 kids (4.5, 3, 1) and work full time.  My kids have usually been 
with sitters (in their homes) with a few other children from age 6 months to 2+, 
then in a nursery school w/afternoon program/babysitters.  So far this has worked 
out.  My kids are very social, NOT SHY, and independent.  They are also the
focus of my life.  However, one day soon they will want lives of their own and
I want to have other interests.

I worry a lot about whether I'm doing the right thing, as a LOT of my neighbors
and relatives stay home with their kids (some are frustrated) or work part time 
(usually teaching, not an option for me).  I wish I could spend more time with my 
kids, but at home I am bored and frustrated (not to mention poorer).  If I wanted 
to structure my day at home and my activities with the kids, I guess I could.  I 
would want to take some courses in early childhood development to understand each 
age and know how to properly stimulate and challenge each kid.  (The same way I 
would take a training course to be prepared at work.)

I have ALWAYS worked (even before I was married) and I am used to the pace and 
routine.  I am NOT looking to become a CEO, just to have a challenging job which
pays the bills.  I give a lot of credit to mothers who can stop working and
devote their time to their home and family.  I hope that when their kids are
bigger (and/or grown), they will have the option to return to work or continue 
to feel fulfilled not working.  (Especially if they have husbands like mine who
consistently work late.)

My mother was a stay at home mother and very organized but also outgoing.
(Very Mrs. Cleaver)  She was on the go a lot and always busy.  I am much more
introverted and I suspect that if I were home with my kids, I would end up staying 
in a lot, being bored and frustrated.  While on maternity leave, the highlight
of my day was going to buy milk!  But that was my fault.  Many of our mothers
never worked before starting a family and I believe this makes a BIG difference
in our mindsets.   (Remember that Baby Boom episode where "June Cleaver" and
Jane Wyman remind Kate Jackson that they were working mothers!)  

I tried to list the things I love and hate about working and being at home.
I KNOW there are solutions to the Hate items, but there always seem to be
excuses...  (The lists below are not in any prioritized order.)
 
MY Working Mom summary
Hate:
1) Having to get up before dawn and race out often before the kids are up.
2) Fighting traffic and looking for parking.
3) Splitting my attention between work and home/kids, and feeling that I 
am not doing justice to either!
4) Having to resolve conflicts between personal and professional issues.
5) Picking up my kids in the PM when they are already tired and whiny.
6) Having stress filled weekends trying to do all the housework I ignored all week.
7) Not having leisure time or energy to go out in the evenings.
8) Feeling guilty about not being with my kids.
9) Headaches about sick kids or school vacations.
10) When my daughter wants me to pick her up from nursery at 1 PM instead
of her staying for the afternoon program until 4.
11) Feeling apologetic when I have to leave work/meetings early to pick up the kids.
12) Feeling apologetic when I have to run out on the kids to go to work.
13) Noticing all the jobs around the house that never seem to get done.
14) Worrying that the kids get sicker when exposed to other kids.

Love:
1) Having contact with other people.
2) Being treated like a professional.
3) Doing work that is finite and not the same thing over and over. 
4) Feeling useful and seeing results (including a paycheck).
5) Intellectual stimulation. 
6) Picking up my kids in the afternoon with anticipation.
7) Seeing my kids greet each other with joy and play nicely with each other
in the evening (usually) instead of fighting.
8) Change of scenery.
9) Seeing all the projects and activities my daughter does that I would not have been 
able to do with her. 

MY Stay at Home Mom summary (based on maternity leave experience)
Hate:
1) No routine. (That's MY fault and I could probably do something about it.)
2) Household drudgery that is undone four seconds after you've done it (!) and 
needs to be done againandagainandagainandagain.
3) Having to plan and serve 3 meals a day.  
4) Dragging the baby+ around on all my errands. (Could get babysitter)
5) Financial pressure.
6) Feeling that I have nothing to talk about except shopping and kids.
7) Not having leisure time or time for myself.
8) Feeling that the world and technology are leaving me behind.
9) Begging my husband to come home early and give me a break.
10) Having the kids home with me when I am sick and need to rest.
11) Feeling that I have to challenge and stimulate the kids properly.
12) Getting impatient with the kids.

Love:
1) No routine. (once in a while it's nice not to have to do anything.)
2) Sleeping a little later or crawling back into bed when the baby is asleep 
and the others are out.
3) Vegetating on the couch while the kids play (after a week of this I go stir
crazy.)
4) Less pressure all around.
5) More time with the kids.
6) Flexibility in schedules for me and the kids sometimes.
7) Being able to cook/bake up a storm if I am in the mood.
8) Being able to get to stores/offices which are only open during working hours.

Anyone else out there have lists of their own? 

*** Please keep your flames to yourself as I have enough of my own guilt and don't
	need any sanctimonious pontificating to make me feel worse. *** 
	(and no snide comments, Gordon!)

Newsgroups: misc.kids