From: awrc@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Al Crawford)
Newsgroups: rec.music.industrial
Subject: Re: Deadly Dance Track Sins
Date: 3 Sep 92 09:43:26 GMT
Reply-To: awrc@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Al Crawford)
Followup-To: rec.music.misc
Organization: The University Of Edinburgh - Department Of Computer Science

In article <1992Sep2.151947.15317@husc3.harvard.edu> djperry@husc10.harvard.edu (Lord of deXness) writes:
>
> I'm curious.  What are all of the Deadly Dance Track Sins?

A difficult question to answer, oh seeker after knowledge. For there are
many things about the list of Deadly Dance Track Sins that are not as they
appear, foremost amongst which is the fact that I make them up as I go
along.

However, the ones I've come up with so far are...

1. The First Deadly Dance Track Sin is the use of James Brown samples. I don't
   care if it's that bloody "Funky Drummer" again, or samples of James himself
   going "Git on up" or making that "Eoooooowwww" noise, as far as I'm
   concerned the minute you start sampling James Brown you've admitted that
   you are either extremely lacking in creativity or sheeplike in your
   following of trends.

   Subclause 1: This Deadly Sin has been extended to include the use of the
   word "James Brown" in the song title. So if your song is called "James
   Brown Is Dead", "James Brown Is Dead", "James Brown Is Alive Again",
   "James Brown Is Very Definitely Dead", "Look, I Told You James Brown Is
   Alive, I Saw Him Last Week When I Was Out Buying Groceries With Elvis"
   or even the existential dance track "James Brown Is" you are
   demonstrating slavish devotion to a rather bad in-joke that wasn't
   particularly funny when it first appeared and is even less so now.

   Subclause 2: The First Deadly Industrial Dance Track Sin is the use of
   TV preacher samples, especially ones that people have used before.
   Fortunately TV preachers have not, to date, provided any overused drum
   patterns or "Eoooowwwwww" noises.

2. The Second Deadly Dance Track Sin is the use of the "Whoo! Yeah!"
   sample. Apparently this was introduced in an effort to let people know
   that what they were listening to is, in fact, something they're supposed
   to be dancing to. As if the fact that the track is basically just a
   bloody great whomping beat with the occasional token synth twiddle doesn't
   make it clear enough. I mean, why is dance music so *obvious* these
   days? Has the "dance IQ" of the population dropped so drastically that
   people are unable to dance to anything that doesn't have an overwhelming
   beat? Ahem, sorry, my dislike of current dance trends is showing.

3. The Third Deadly Dance Track Sin is, contrary to what I said in my
   _Twister_ review (I am, after all, making these up as I go along and
   thus don't have to be consistent) is the overuse of klaxons, hooters
   (no, not *that* sort, get your mind out of the gutter), and WWII
   air-raid sirens as musical instruments. Maybe it sounds great at a rave
   if everyone and his dog are blasting away with these things, but why not
   at least let them do it spontaneously at the rave i.e. let them add them
   in themselves without putting them on the track itself.

4. Overuse of the letter "E" in song titles. Ooooh, aren't we cool, we're
   being dead trendy by putting an incredibly dangerous and rave culture
   ecstasy reference in our song title. People laugh at 60s psychedelia
   with titles like "Let's All Get High And Talk To The Butterflies, Peace,
   Love And Grooviness Man" because they're so *cliched*. Guess which songs
   from the current dance scene people are going to be laughing at in 20
   years time?

5. Gratuitous rapping. If you're making a rap track, fine. If you're making
   a dance track, though, and decide to stick in a 30 second rap halfway
   through that doesn't actually say anything worth listening to, it's
   pretty obvious to anyone with two braincells to rub together that you're
   not doing it because you feel it's important to the track, you're doing
   it because you feel it'll sell a few more records. Why not stick in a
   burst of speed metal, some opera and some zouk while you're about it,
   I'm sure they'll boost sales too.

6. Just what is the point behind divas? Sure, some of them have decent
   voices, but most of the tracks I've heard featuring yer actual
   stereotyped dance diva either have her making "Woooooaaaaaaa!" wailing
   noises or singing lyrics which, when all is said and done, are the 1992
   equivalent of "Let's boogie-oogie-oogie 'til we just can't boogie no
   more." At least most of the female 70s disco artists had those neat
   syndrum sounds (i.e. "Beeeooooowww") to make up for the inanity of the

7. The Seventh Deadly Dance Track Sin, although one that I'd really like
   to nudge up a few places (like six or seven) is dance tracks which
   are just samples from old kids shows stuck over a standard issue
   backbeat. The amount of work that goes into these must be *staggering*.
   At least half an hour or so. And then the "artists" have the nerve to
   appear in their videos appearing to "play" something which is in fact
   a sample of someone else's record. Talk about sad cases. And the rave
   kids lap it up. Maybe I'm just being generation gapped.

Followups (if any) to rec.music.misc, since this little rant has wandered
right out of rec.music.industrial territory.

--
			Al Crawford - awrc@dcs.ed.ac.uk
	  Department Of Computer Science, The University of Edinburgh
   Rm 1410, JCMB, Kings Buildings, Mayfield Rd, EDINBURGH, EH9 3JZ, Scotland
	     Tel: +44 (0) 31 650 5165  Fax: +44 (0) 31 667 7209
Newsgroups: rec.music.industrial