From: sherwani@sol.cs.wmich.edu (Naveed Sherwani)
Subject: Re: the terminator part n : )
Summary: 350 trillion sexual encounters aint enough--maulvi says
Organization: Western Michigan Univ. Comp. Sci. Dept.
Date: Wed, 2 Sep 1992 22:04:29 GMT

In article <2SEP199200193448@iago.caltech.edu>, mughal@iago.caltech.edu (ASIM M MUGHAL) writes:
> In article <1992Sep2.060354.849@sol.cs.wmich.edu>, sherwani@sol.cs.wmich.edu (Naveed Sherwani) writes...
> >In article <1SEP199222370546@iago.caltech.edu>, mughal@iago.caltech.edu (ASIM M MUGHAL) writes:
> >> In article <1992Sep2.015918.754@sol.cs.wmich.edu>, sherwani@sol.cs.wmich.edu (Naveed Sherwani) writes...
> > 
> > 
> >PS: Once I went to a Tablighi Jammat conference in Louisiana and the
> >the maulvi from Malaysia was doing that also. I think almost
> >everyone wished that they should die instantly, because hereafter
> >sounded too  good.
> 
>      yeah but dying before doing any good deeds probably won't be good...
> 
People in tabligi jammat think that every thing they do is good deed.
That is one bunch of strange folks:

To tell the story of the Conference:

 It went there for the experience, by that time, I had already been to 
five different types of christian chruches, and many other religions
had also been investigated, in my quest for the main line of divine theory
that motivates so many humans.

   It was somewhere in 1986 in Louisiana state university, in december.
We arrived late night and found out that sleeping arrangments are in dorms.
Early morning, we were made to get up, way before sun rise, by somebody
banging a `balti'. 

   We got up and went towards the showers and found out that there
is no hot water. After investigation, I found out that they had turned
off the hot water, BECAUSE a REAL BELIEVER does not need it.

 What ? Believer or no believer, I need hot water in december !

 Anyway, I decided to check into a motel that night and skip the 
shower for now. We were led into a large hall, which appeared to a 
gym for Fajr prayers. I hoped that I may be able to recall some
of the 'get-by' suras like sura-kauser, to pull thru the fajr. All my
experince in Pakistan, led me to believe that fajr is a SHORT 
prayer. It turned out NOT to be the case. 
We were standing there for full half hour
for each 'recuut'. During that time some people got very dizzy and started
falling off. I counted five people in my line, who just collapsed.
Nobody picked them up. 

 BY this time, I was getting frustrated, experience is okay, but
this is totally stupid. Anyway, totally exhausted, I made it thru
the fajr and into the dining hall for breakfast. We were told that
we will be eating what Mohd[pbuh] ate. I was happy. I found that 
we were served pita bread and honey. It did not sound too bad, until
I inspected the pita bread, most of them had yeast growing on them, the green
stuff--YUCK.

 I left immediately for Mcdonald's and had to great hamburger.

After breakfast, we attended a lecture from a malaysian maulvi.
He went for 3 hours explaining, how in heaven you will get, what you miss
here. If you dont listen to music, then everything in heaven was music.
He explain thousand of hoors will play all tunes (no RAP though) for you.
About sex, he went for atleast an hour, explaining how many hoors
each male will get. They went into rather (erotic) details. I dont
know where he got those details from. Hoors were supposed be ULTIMATE
in beauty (they were white as milk, showing obvious bias of the speaker),
and on and on.

 Then just before lunch, we went to smaller group meetings, and we
all asked to volunteer our time for tablig. They asked for six months,
I said, what, you mean six days, NO they meant six months and many
people volunteered. They could not resist the hoors.

 Rest of the day passed like that. I left the place in the evening,
knowing very well, if God exists, he/she/it will not be HORSETRADING
the hoors/good deeds. I felt sorry for the people involved in that
jammat. I recognize that they have every right to pursue their
dreams, I just wish they reconsider, before jumping in.

Somehow, it was too raw, too stupid to be considered seriously, maybe
I am too theoretical and abstract, but going-on's there were strange
indeed. I look back at that conference once in a while and just wonder
if God is into hoor trading, then he/she/it should check with pimps
on 42nd street, they will teach him/her/it a trick or two.
If you give 350 trillions hoors to pimps on 42nd street, they will have
the whole world sold :-). God is not doing a good enough job. 

I wished them best and  said good-bye.

regards,

-Naveed

PS: Original joke: If ball passes on the off-side, it is a bye,
                   if it passes on leg-side it is leg-bye, what
                   happens if it passes in between ?

                   GOOD-BYE