From: pmmuggli@uokmax.ecn.uoknor.edu (Pauline M Muggli)
Subject: Re: teen with eating disorder
Organization: Engineering Computer Network, University of Oklahoma, Norman, OK
Distribution: alt.parents-teen
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 1992 16:20:20 GMT

  lazarea@mercury.ncat.edu (Andy Lazare) writes:
>my 14 yr old daughter has an eating disorder. we were not aware of it
>until the school councelor called us. a couple of my daughter's friends
>had told the councelor. she told us my daughter had signs of being
>bulemicbulemic (sp?). 

personally, i consider bulemia to be a *symptom* of an
underlying problem.  therefore (in MY opinion), you can't solve
the bulemia symptoms until you solve the *real* problem.
 
>she is a little overweight. we knew she was eating a lot. especially
>between the time she got home from school and my wife got home from
>work. we have made an appointment with a doctor who specializes in
>eating disorders. has anyone else ever had experience with this? 

this is a good plan.  but don't expect magic results.  if your
daughter doesn't want help, nothing you will do can make her
want it.
 
>another question. do you think it would be worth it to send my daughter
>to a weight loss clinic  instead of the psychologist? we have tried
>putting her on diets, not having a lot of junk around the house, and
>trying to control what she eats, but we can't be with her 24 hours a
>day. and she can't seem to do it herself. if she was able to loose wait
>at one of these weight loss clinics, which i don't know much about,
>could she overcome the eating disorder? or is it more psychological than
>that?

i say *NO* to the weight loss clinic.  that would just make the
problem worse.  bulemia is a symptom of other problems including
low self esteem.  you cannot make someone else lose weight if
they don't want to.  like you said, you cannot watch her 24
hours a day.  in trying to control what she eats, you are
causing her to try and take the control back, i.e. what she eats
when you aren't with her.  since this is against your wishes,
she probably then feels like a failure, causing lower self esteem.
 
>me and my wife realize that it might be beyond us. meaning that we need
>outside help. when we say something about her eating, it usually starts
>an argument. 

i went through something similiar, although in my case, it was
over eating rather than bulemia.  my parents didn't come right out
and say anything about a diet, but would make comments about heart
attacks, diabetes, etc.  by focusing on my weight, it made the
problem worse.  this is because they were reinforcing an area of
what i considered a failure in my life rather than areas of
excellence, succeeding, etc.
 
>it amazes me to watch my daughter and her friends eat. when some of her
>friends spend the night, or any long amount of time, it seems all they
>do is eat. my daughter is the only one that is overweight.
  
pauline
pmmuggli@uokmax.ecn.uoknor.edu   (the univ. of oklahoma) 
  	- standard disclaimer - 

ps.  if you want to discuss this with me via e-mail, feel free
to do so.  i have been in counseling for 2+ years with a
psychologist.  so i may be able to give pointers from the
counselee's :-)  point of view.  what i personally feel is
intrusive for a parent to do in this case, etc.

Newsgroups: alt.parents-teens