From: lf@barkley.berkeley.edu (LexicographicalFiend)
Newsgroups: alt.romance.chat
Subject: The ARCKissingBooth (was Re: Kissin')
Date: 29 Jul 92 01:01:19 GMT
	<Bs44tr.6tn@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu> <Bs46D6.8Fo@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu>
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
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In-reply-to: jmalone@silver.ucs.indiana.edu's message of Tue, 28 Jul 1992 19:34:18 GMT

Jules qualifies Steve's sweeping statement:
>Well, it certainly depends on the kiss, now doesn't it, my Dear?  And perhaps
>WHO is doin' the kissin'.

WHERE, too.  8-)

>'Corse, I get the prize at the end of the party, don't I......I get
>to keep the groom! ;)......

Thought I saw a coupla pouts out there.  8-)

>so...ok ladies...this is your last chance to kiss the great Feral
>Knight/Official Fireside Sex Advisor/Salty Dog.  Come one, come
>all.....and bring lots of cash! :)

[LF the LongwindedFriar took another bite out of his chicken thigh,
chewed noisily, and returned his attention to his rapt Audience
gathered around the campfire.]  And *that*, gentle folk, marked the
beginnings of the ARCKissingBooth, the ruins of which you see over
yonder.  What happened next...well, that's a story in itself, which
I'd happily disgorge if you'd pass me another plate of them mashed
potatoes.  ScrumptiousSpread, Mrs. Smith, absolutely scrumlicious...
now, where was I...ah yes...

[Flashback: 34 B.T.R.O.T.[*] (Before TheRealOldTimes ie. RecordedHistory)]
[*] A CSPun there...8-)

The FairMaiden JulesMaalox[**], having had the InspiredIdea of
parading the lips of her husband-to-be, SteveLionheartedSaltdog,
proceeded to commission the construction of an elaborate KissingBooth.
Draped with LacyUnderThings and FilmyCodPieces, the interior of the
Booth was pitch black, so that StrappingSteve could not see the faces
of the ladies he would lay lips on.  This proved to be his undoing,
but I'm leaping ahead of myself...
[**] All names have been altered to protect the guilty.  8-)

On the day of the GreatKissOff, a line formed outside the
KissingBooth, long and winding as the Serpent of the Underworld.
Maidens fair and tawny, tall and vertically-challenged (a phrase
attributed to the acolytes of the pantheon collectively named PC,
though how mere computers could hold sway over an entire people has
never been satisfactorily explained), came from near and far to sample
for one last time the OralDelights proferred by the Sizzler himself,
soon to be the eternal captive of the MaidenMaalox.  Giggling amongst
themselves at the shared memories of his LasciviousLingua, they
groused but briefly when the Maiden set the price of admission at six
pieces of silver.

First in line came the LovelyLizzy, SorceressOfLove and the
KeeperOfTheRomanticDust.  Having paid her recompense, she entered the
Booth.  There came a squeal, followed by several seconds of silence.
Then everyone present heard a sound like no other, a sound like a
thousand suction cups forcibly removed from a flat surface at once.
(The original BalladOfTheKissingBooth described this sound as "a
thousand leeches forcibly removed", but in the interests of
maintaining a certain sense of decorum, I...[LF moved over to Mrs.
Smith, who has fainted.] Oh dear, I'm terribly sorry.  [The next few
minutes were spent reviving the unconscious matron.]  Again, Mrs.
Smith, my humble apologies for causing you a certain amount of
distress...but back to the tale at hand...

Several more seconds passed, then LovelyLizzy emerged from the tent,
fairly leapt onto her FlyingBroom, shot straight up into the sky,
performed a couple of Immelmanns, recovered from a flat spin, then
disappeared into the WildBlueYonder, a loud whoop tracing her passage.

Next to sample the delights proferred came ColorfulClare, a itinerant
hitchhiker from a faraway land called DownUnder.  Dressed in a bush
jacket and khaki pants, she was almost the antipode of the elegantly
gowned Lizzy, but her reaction upon emerging from the Booth was
equally intense -- she cartwheeled out, somehow grabbing her backpack
along the way.

Lady after Maiden entered the Booth, with the same effect -- they
invariably exited with leaping hearts and feet.  The ARCnewbies, in
particular, were so enthused at their first contact with the
SteamySucker that Jules often had to enter the Booth to pry them from
their LingualLock.

At last, when the sun was low in the sky and the MaidenMaalox's purse
was bulging with silver pieces, she stretched sensuously while
daydreaming of the NocturnalNaughtiness to come.  A rustle spun her
around in time to catch a glimpse of a strange-looking rump as it
entered the Booth.  While she contemplated contacting her BigBrother
BuggyMaalox and asking him to dispose of the interloper, there came
the SeriousSuckingSound from within, followed rapidly by a loud
GruntCumInterrogatoryNoise (scholars of this period tend to associate
it with a certain ancient television-broadcast so-called "situation
comedy" entitled "Home Improvement").  Two seconds later, a
ShrillScream echoed around the ARCanyon, and Steve-adore burst out of
the west wall of the Booth, an AmarousEweInHeat in steamy pursuit.

As Jules gazed at the RapidlyRecedingPair in bafflement, the Booth,
through which a SizzlerShapedSpace had been punched on impact, uttered
a tortured groan and imploded, a victim of ShoddyWorkmanship.  It was
never rebuilt, of course, and StellarSteve managed to elude his
pursuer by running through a herd of sheep.  The pair were married the
next day, and they lived happily ever after...until the GreatRomantic-
DustQuake, but that's another story entirely...

Lexi(MouthRunnethOffAgain)Fiend