From: ahsiung@bbn.com (Anita Hsiung)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Request : Dating advice from women
Date: 9 Apr 92 00:06:10 GMT
Reply-To: ahsiung@labs-n.bbn.com (Anita Hsiung)
Organization: Bolt Beranek and Newman Inc., Cambridge MA
NNTP-Posting-Host: bbn.com

Daniel Mocsny writes:

>Hitting on women is a stressful, intellectually demanding job. I have
>never done well at it without approaching it systematically, and
>preparing myself mentally, in advance, for its demands. 

Why the term "hitting"?  I'd call it "dating".

>First, I have to figure out where the women are.

Go to parties given by friends.  I always meet lots of men through
friends and the parties they give.  (But then, I'm only speaking for
myself...) 

>Second, I have to think in advance about what I am going to say when
>I try to meet them.

Well, as long as you know the basic information about yourself, i.e.,
your name, what you do, how do you know (a mutual friend), um, one
intelligent critique of the place you're in, how much fun you're
having, you should be fine.

>Third, I have to go there.

This is easy.  Get up, drive.

>Fourth, I have to find out who is available and who is not.

The non-available ones are with their boyfriends.  The available ones
are helping to serve the drinks and chips and cleaning up while the
party is still going on, or gossiping intensely with another friend.

>Fifth, I have to find out everything I can about the one(s) I find
>attractive.

That's the whole idea!  You ask a person out, try to find out about
her!  ;^)

>Sixth, I have to come up with something she might be interested in
>doing with me.

This is easy.  The standards always work:  dinner, romantic movie.
Afterwards, then you decide what you and she really hate and like.
(Like, I hate bowling, so I would not want to go.)

>Seventh, I have to do all this *WITHOUT* appearing to be "desperate".
>(Which is quite silly, because if I wasn't desperate, I wouldn't have
>gone to such trouble in the first place.)

But, you're NOT desperate.  You just want to meet someone.  If you
_are_ desperate, that means there's something about yourself you don't
like, so you should work on that first.  You're right, though,
desperation is a turn-off.

>In short, those who must actively initiate relationships can't usually
>afford to approach the problem haphazardly. UNLESS they are extremely
>attractive, and/or they are extremely social and outgoing, and/or 
>they are extremely good ad libbers.

Nope, not true.  What do you do when you're on the basketball court
and you only know your friend who brought you there?  Well, you
introduce yourself to the other guys, tell them a bit about yourself,
then you play.  Same thing.  I say, gosh, this is a great party, or
want some more food, or, I don't know, anything will break the ice.  A
friendly smile will help.  You don't have to be perfect, just be
yourself, albeit a friendly self.

	-- Anita --

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Anita Hsiung       |                                                    |
| ahsiung@bbn.com    | "Roads?  Where we're going, we don't need roads!"  |
| BBN, Inc.          |                               Doc Brown            |
| Canoga Park, CA    |                                                    |
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: soc.singles