From: SCG107@psuvm.psu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: 1st Post
Date: 28 Sep 92 11:26:04 GMT
Organization: Penn State University

In article <1992Sep27.213025.15295@wam.umd.edu>, sfjr@wam.umd.edu (Sherri) says:
>
>In article <Bv1MDL.F6F@twwells.com> anon-1247@twwells.com writes:
>>
>>whole thing is very disturbing to me now.  It blows apart my self-esteem, and
>>makes me feel like dirt.  I was so young, but so was he!  Was I abused, or am
>>I responsible for this?  I do not believe that I would have wanted him to do
>>that to me, and it disgusts me to even think about it now.  Is my brother
>>innocent, because he was so young, or did he abuse me?  Will someone(s)
>>please post and tell me what you think.  I really need to know.  It is
>> driving me nuts.
>>
>>CONFUSED
>>
>        What I basically want to say is that if an experience has caused
>you this much pain, then you were abused.  You were hurt, and the experience
>changed your perception of yourself and your sexuality.  most importantly,
>it was something you need to heal from.  Part of healing for me has been
>allowing myself to accept my right to be angry simply because i was hurt.  I
>used to worry a lot that what happened to me was not abuse because the
>first abuse I remember was from a minor.
>        The age of my abuser might be quite relevant if I were suing her
>for damages or something, but I'm not.   Her age was not relevant to how
>much she hurt me.  She was quite successful in gaining and using power
>over me and manipulating me with fear and with my ever-growing feelings of
>shame.

Right! If you hurt, you should try to heal it, whether you think it "ought"
to affect you or not. I was abused when I was 11 or 12 by a cousin who was
only a year older. Although in some situations this might be "okay," this
case WAS abuse, because he used and manipulated and hurt me. I don't want
anything from my cousin. I don't care if anyone else would consider him
guilty or innocent. I only want to heal the pain inside me. A lot of times
I feel as if it shouldn't bother me because we were similar ages or whatever,
but it does, and I need to accept and deal with it. (funny how I can say
things while trying to support someone else that I wouldn't on my own... I
don't usually even refer to what happened as abuse.)

>        One thing I have done in therapy is to claim the right to blame
>the wrong person, to lie as much as I want to, to blame people I may have
>never even met.  Especially with really young memories, I need to feel like
>it's okay to talk about things I'm unsure of.  In my healing, I don't need
>to be factually right about everything, but I need to feel free to talk
>about how I was hurt and feel free to say what I need to say.

Really?!? I've been fighting with a possible memory, and I don't really
know what happened, if anything, and who was involved. I've been extremely
reluctant to talk about it, partly because I'm afraid of not being truthful
or factual, naming a wrong person, or completely making something up. So I
feel even guiltier if I start to try to talk about it, and end up not saying
anything at all. (I had a phone "conversation" last week with a friend who
asked me what was going on with me. I ended up just not saying anything for
what felt like forever... at least she understood and didn't get mad at me.
Even though I got mad, or at least frustrated, at myself.)

e-hugs to any who want!
Sarah
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery