From: mchundat@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu (Mathai Chundattu)
Subject: Re: dowry
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 22:56:46 GMT
Organization: Engineering Computer Network, University of Oklahoma, Norman, OK, USA
Keywords: dowry

In article <14815@goanna.cs.rmit.oz.au> s910700@yallara.cs.rmit.OZ.AU (Mareena Joseph) writes:
>
>  To my opinion, the girls' family also are partially responsible for the
>dowry system to get worse, as they think that it is their prestige issue
>getting a suitable groom for the girl, and they are (esp. the above average
>families) ready to pay a huge amount to "buy" a boy in the 'auction in the
>matrimonial market'.

>  The boy's parents always claim that they'd spent a very big amount for the
>boy's studies (and their reason for claiming that is that if they'd deposited
>that amount in a bank, then they would have been 'lakhshaprabhus' by then !).
>But infact the girl's parents also spends big amount for their daughter's 
>studies as well, perhaps even more than the boy's.

I don't think we can blame anyone for the existence of dowry. One major
reason for the practice is the problem of unemployment. Generally, one
gets married even before getting a job. To get a job to support his
wife, to lead a family life without financial problems; desires like
these are common among the youth, whether he is from kerala or some
other parts of India. But in the present conditions he becomes
desperate. The persistent compulsions from parents and the thought that he
is getting older and older make him give up. Who should support the
newly formed family? The question of inheritance is to be pointed out
here. The man inherit his share from the family. In the context of
kerala, woman inherits nothing. Hence it is legitimate that the woman's
family should contribute to the new family at the time of the marriage.
After marriage, in our culture, the woman stays in the husband's house
for a few years. In many situations the money the woman brought is
preserved for the new family's future life. Within two or three years
they separate from the 'thaRavaad' and starts an independent life.

That is the case with the majority of the youngsters. The few with a
permanent job, for them the argument is different. Let me say at this
point that there are only a few who are fortunate to be in that kind of
a situation. At that point of his life he is considered to be a winner
in life. The first thing the parents want is to get him married. There
are only very few options before him. He marries his girlfriend, if he
has one. In that case the question of dowry doesn't even flash in his
mind. The second option is available if he is free. Whom should he
select? The richest? The most beautiful? The most intelligent? Usually
he considers everything and wants all of these qualities in his wife. He
doesn't go for the highest bidder unless he is a fool. I would say that
he is justified in selecting the most suitable as his wife.

The other reason, probably, is that there are more women than men in
kerala. If we consider the marriage as a market ( it really is!) and
apply the fundas of supply and demand the result is very clear. Even
though this sounds strange, I think, this is also responsible for the
survival of dowry.

For a moment, let us think about a family. How a husband will treat a
wife who has brought dowry and one who did not? I would say that the
wife with dowry will be more respected by him. At least she has 'bought'
the right to stay with him. In our culture the wife depends on the
husband for life. I think dowry will remain till husband and wife become
really equal partners in life. 

>  Before, 'sthreedhanam' meant 'sthree aakunna dhanam', and now it means
>'sthreekkulla panam'.

I think it is 'sthreeyude paNam'.
 
>  Before, according to Muslim custom, the boy had to pay girl's father at the
>time of the `nikkah' to get the girl as his wife. Now, the girl's father has 
>to give dowry and the boy might pay a part of that dowry amount to the girl's
>father during `nikkah'.

I remember the Jacob from Bible who worked for fourteen years to get
his beloved as wife. I wish I were like Jacob. But, how many Ratchels
will be there who will steal golden cups from their father? Or doesn't
that mean that we need equal share from the girl's side also?

>  Even for most of the forest tribes, the boy has to give the girl's parents
>some sort of 'dhanam' like one bamboo tube full of honey, few sheep and hen, 
>etc. to get married to their daughter.

I think we are more advanced than tribes.

>  Well, as our `muththassimar' says, `kalikalam thanne!'. 

kalikaala vaibhavam! ennallaathe!

>
>PEACE !!!
>Be cool.
>Thanks.
>
>MJN (Bindu).

>
>=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
>nilavinte velichathil thelinja neelakasathile nakshathrangal ennan sramikkunna
>thu ethra kawthukakaramanu; valiyoru viddiththavum. othiri viddiththangal nira
>    nja kawthukangalude oru paramparayanu oru tharathil paranjal jeevitham.
>=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
>

Regards,

Mathai
-- 


Mathai Chundatt            mchundat@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu
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