From: N020BA@tamvm1.tamu.edu
Subject: The Lighter Side of Conspiracy (Long & Funny)
Organization: Texas A&M University
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 04:13:16 GMT

    This post is close captioned for the humor impaired. Therefore you should
laugh at this post. Understand?
 
    On 1/12/88 Rush Limbaugh, Tom Clancy, Elvis and Chtulu board the ballistic
missile sub Blue December. The sub sails to Antarctica, entering a covert base
via a secret undersea tunnel. At a clandestine meeting, the Blue December
Cabal decides the following-
    (1) Bill Clinton is designated an agent of Chtulu,
    (2) Future wars, assassinations, plagues and calamities are planned,
    (3) Chtulu will alter the past,
    (4) Oliver Stone is appointed head (unknown to him, of course) of the media
        arm of the Blue December Group (BDG),
    (5) World control is shifted from the Swiss Alps to a underground base in
        Antartica, with a backup base on the far side on the Moon.
    After the meeting, the Blue December sails back to the US. When they came
ashore, Chtulu and the T-1000 go back to 1963. Once there, the T-1000 shape-
changes into Oswald and does you-know-what. Chtulu fakes the murder of Oswald
via Elder magic. Then the two go back to the future, where Oliver Stone makes
a movie about you-know-who. The movie generates more conspiracy theories, thus
covering the BDG's real actions. Meanwhile, back on the campaign trail Bill
"Slick Willy" Clinton unwittingly distracts Bush from influencing the New World
Order. Once Clinton is under Chtulu's control, Elvis (in blue suede shoes) app-
ears to H. Ross Perot. Perot, being "all shook up" by Elvis, runs for Presi-
dent. This creates another distraction for the Trilateral Commission-Council On
Foreign Relations High Council (TLC-CFR-HC).
    Now Rush Limbaugh uses his radio show to attack Clinton and Perot. Since
the TLC-CFR-HC must deal with attacks from Clinton, Perot and Limbaugh, they
can no longer control Geogre Bush. Meanwhile, Chtulu and the T-1000 go back in
time again. The T-1000 impersonates actors (including Ted Patrick and Arnold S.
), directors (including Lucas, Oliver Stone, Coppola and Spielburg). These im-
personations create shows like Murphy Brown, Star Wars, Cheers and ET. Then the
T-1000 and Chtulu travel to the days before Roe. vs. Wade. The T-1000, follow-
ing the advice of Shakespeare, kills most of the lawyers on the case. Chtulu
uses his powers to influence the Supreme Court Decision. Then Chutulu and the
T-1000 go forward in time, arriving before the Clarence Thomas hearings.
   The T-1000 assumes Thomas' form and harasses Anita Hill. It also assumes
Hill's form and cons judge Susan Hirchner. The T-1000 would have started earl-
ier , but it had to play its cover role of Ted Patrick in Terminator 2.
   Tom Clancy notes the delay and castigates Chtulu, telling him that his
covert source, the Budgie of Washington, has told him of a TLC-CFR-HC counter-
move. The TLC-CFR-HC has penetrated the T-1000's deceptions with the help of
Arnold S and the Kennedy clan. Arnold spied on the T-1000, and sent the video-
tapes to the FBI. Chtulu reacts by leaking the Hill story to National Public
Radio (NPR), teleporting the documents into a reporters' office. The hearings
start.
   Geogre Bush, seeing the debacle, contacts the TLC-CFR-HC. The Council, hem-
med in by attacks from Limbaugh, Perot and Clinton, panics. They release infor-
mation on the house Bank scandal.
   Limbaugh uses the scandal to attack the House. Then the TLC-CFR-HC leaks
information on the House post office scandal, hoping to distract Limbaugh
further.
   A week later, Clancy meets the Budgie of Washington at an aviary near the
White House. Budgie, parroting a secret memo from the TLC-CFR-HC, tells Clancy
of the Council's move. Clancy calls Limbaugh and tells him of the deception.
   Meanwhile, Elvis appears at various Wal-Marts around the country, concen-
trating on the ones around Latana, FL. By this he hopes to capture the tab-
loids for the BDG's propaganda machine. He is also planning, unknown to the
rest of the BDG, a comeback.
   By this time, the Zeus Committee, an association of divine beings, divines
Chtulu's true intentions. What was an experiment in applied sociology for
Miskatonic University has gone far. They mobilize, sending the Valar, Wotan,
Gandalf and Frodo, combined with a vast army to free the Earth. They assemble
in space.
   The threat of extra-terrestrial invasion forces an alliance between the BDG,
the TLC-CFR-HC, the Gnomes of Zurich, the European Economic Community, the Nat-
ional Football League, and the Knights of Ni. They call themselves the United
Conspiracy Council (UCC). (Note: The NFL and the TLC-CFR-HC rigged ALL pro
football games).
   The Roman Catholic Church (RCC) hesitates until Chtulu forces them to app-
oint Clint Eastwood as Pope Dirty Harry I. Pope Dirty Harry prophesies that the
coming conflict will divide humnanity into the good, the bad and the ugly. This
prophecy galvanizes the faithful. The cardinals, being bird-brains, cave in.
The RCC allies with the UCC, appointing Pope Dirty Harry I as director of the
religo-military wing.
   The Zeus Committee sends an ultimatum to the UCC-'Surrender or be destroyed!
'. The UCC responds-'Go ahead-make my day.'.
   The Zeus Committee army invades. They meet the UCC forces in the San Fernado
Valley, the place prophesied by Pope Dirty Harry I as the valley of the Last
Battle.
   After watching the UCC and the Zeus Committee battle for 666 days, God gets
tired of the whole beastly thing. He hovers in the clouds and says-
   "This universe is too silly. I'll make a new one-without Ronald Reagan. It's
    all his fault, anyway."
 
                                    THE END
 
  See, conspiracy theories can be fun. This tome sponsored by the Orwell Media
Assocation (Thought controllers serving humanity!) and the Association for the
Appreciation of the Men In Black (We aren't mean-just following orders!).
 
   Comments, please.