From: nyikos@math.scarolina.edu (Peter Nyikos)
Subject: Fictional Gordon-Suzanne Dialogue on Trumped-up Case 3
Organization: USC  Department of Computer Science
Date: 21 Dec 92 16:05:38 GMT

Apparently my netserver was mute for a while before it went deaf, because
the dialogue you see below was supposedly posted, but Gordon never saw it,
and Nadja Adolf, to whom I mailed a "sneak preview", never let Gordon 
know of its existence.

The following dialogue was inspired by a charge Gordon made about Suzanne's
(alleged) hypocrisy in re desire to adopt unwanted children.  A few minutes
ago I (successfully, I hope, this time!) posted my latest reply about that
charge, and I direct you to the other post mentioning Case #3 for details.
Very briefly, someone offered to give Suzanne the phone number of a Roxbury
social worker who could send Suzanne some members of a gang to adopt.
Gordon charged Suzanne with hypocrisy for not taking advantage of this 
offer.  This led me to wonder just how broadly Gordon interprets the word
"children", leading to the imaginary vignette you see below.  

DISCLAIMER.  I do not claim the principals in the following dialogue would
act in the manner portrayed, were they to confront each other in the 
manner described.  Like so many philosophical dialogues, the two
protagonists are used as a vehicle for illustrating certain ideas.

I offer this vignette to talk.abortion with some trepidation.  I don't want to
be putting nefarious ideas in anyone's head.

************************** VIGNETTE ******************************

[The doorbell rings at the Forgach residence.  Suzanne goes to the door
and looks thru the peephole.]

Suzanne: Yes, who's there, please?

Gordon: It's me, Gordon.  I'm looking for Suzanne.

[Suzanne opens the door slightly to get a better look, but leaves the 
security chain on.]

Suzanne: Gordon?  Gordon who?  I don't recognize you.

Gordon: Of course you don't, Silly, you haven't seen me before.  But you
know me well.  I'm Gordon Storga.

Suzanne: G...Gordon Storga?  What are *you* doing here?

Gordon: Why, you invited me a number of months back, and I am finally able 
to make it.  I hope I am not here at an inconvenient time.

Suzanne: Well...no...but there must be some mistake.  I certainly did
not invite Gordon Storga, the networker, here, and I don't know of anyone
else by that name.

Gordon: Stop playing dumb, Suxanne.  You know what I am talking about.

Suzanne: My God, maybe you *are* networker Storga...

Gordon: There you go again, taking the Lord's name in vain.  Do you really
get to pick and choose which tenets of your religion you follow?

Suzanne: I guess you *are* who you say you are.  I can't think of anyone
but a networker who would talk to me like that. ...Strange...somehow I
pictured you as looking a lot more formidable.  If you don't mind my
saying so, you look rather...er...pathetic.

[Suzanne hesitantly undoes the chain and opens the door wider.]

Gordon:  You'd look pathetic, too, Suzanne, if your parents had just
informed you that you and your spouse and children are no longer welcome
to make your home in their house.  That's why I am grateful for your
hospitable offer.  As a token of my appreciation, I'd like you to take
this bouquet of flowers (not easy to come by in Tucson, I'll have you 
know), and this present for your husband.

Suzanne: The flowers are lovely, but I can't really accept them or the
present, because there must be some mistake.

[While trying to put the flowers and present in Suzanne's hands, Gordon
steps into the house and maneuvers past Suzanne.]

Gordon: No mistake.  Nice house you have here, Suzanne, I think I'm 
going to like it here.

[Goes over to the sofa, sits down, puts flowers and present down and 
feet up on coffee table.]

Suzanne: Your manners leave a lot to be desired, but somehow I'm not
surprised.  Could you please tell me what on earth you mean by "I think
I'm going to like it here"?

Gordon: Why, Suzanne, could it be you don't remember?  Let me give you
a free clue.  The present for your husband is a box of cigars, the better
to celebrate the arrival of his adopted son.

Suzanne: Could you be referring to my offer to adopt unwanted children?...
WAIT A MINUTE!! Who *is* this "adopted son"??

Gordon: Can't you guess?  It's me, of course.  I'm unwanted by my parents,
as I told you...

Suzanne:  Hahahahahahaha!  Gordon, you sure know how to play elaborate
practical jokes!  You know as well as I do that I was offering to adopt
CHILDREN!  Why, you look like you are older than I am!

Gordon: I am the child of my parents, Suzanne.  I came to this world in 
the usual way.  Didn't your parents ever tell you where you came from?
I'm not surprised.  You Catholics sure know how to keep your kids in
the dark about sex...

Suzanne: As sarcastic as ever, aren't you?  At least now I'm convinced
you *are* Gordon Storga.  Thanks for making that clear, at least.

Gordon:  On top of which, Suzanne, I am a child of the universe.  I have
just as much right to be here in this house as you do.  Or don't you 
believe in inscriptions in 17th century Baltimore churches?  A fine 
example you are to your fellow Christians!

Suzanne:  There is no such inscription.  You are loosely paraphrasing a
passage from "Desiderata," a 20th century prose poem by an agnostic whose
name escapes me at the moment, it's something like "Ehrlich".

Gordon: Do you know that for a fact, Suzanne?  Have you personally gone
over every square foot of every 17th century Baltimore church?

Suzanne: Gordon, I am in no mood for your talk.religion.misc games.  In
fact, the sooner you leave here, the happier I'll be.

Gordon: That's mighty big of you, Frau F.  You'd evict your own adopted
son from your home, but you wouldn't allow a woman to evict a parasite
from her uterus even if she took every reasonable precaution to prevent
its getting there.  One more example of your anti-choice philosophy.

Suzanne: I'm in no mood for your talk.abortion games either.  To begin 
with, you boor, I didn't say I'd evict you.  I was hoping you would
voluntarily leave, like most reasonable people who have overstayed
their welcome...

Gordon:  Oh, isn't MissBitch Sooooooo caring?  I suppose if I had brought
you a newborn baby to adopt, you'd decide it had overstayed its welcome
as soon as it started to fuss and cry, wouldn't you now?

Suzanne:  I don't want to have to evict you, Gordon, but I will if I have
to.  Here, take your flowers, your present, let me show you to the door!

Gordon:  You're just trying to weasel out of your commitment, Suxanne.
Somehow, I'm not surprised...

Suzanne:  Gordon Storga, will you please leave now?!

Gordon: ...A shame, too.  You have no idea what fun things I can show
your sensorily deprived chidren, and you and your anal-retentive husband.
When you see what blasts I arrange with my wife and ex-girlfriends and
their SO's you will be glad you snaked me in out of the wet, as Huckleberry
Finn put it.  We'll have pot, drugs, mind-blowing orgies to put a little
color into your life...

Suzanne: That does it!  If you don't leave my house, I'm calling the police!

Gordon: Spoken like a true pro-forcer, Ms. Theocracy!  And a true
hypocrite: you would turn your adopted son in to the police, but not
your biological daughter.  And you claimed you did not want any special
treatment for her.  Shame, shame, shame...

Suzanne: I mean it, Gordon, if you aren't out of this house by the time
I count to ten, I'm picking up the phone and calling the police.  One...

Gordon:  Let me tell you something, Frau F.  If you disown me and call
the police, I'll expose you to the whole net as a lying hypocrite.
I'll post on talk.abortion, alt.adoption, alt.abortion.inequity, 
soc.women, soc.men, talk.religion.misc...

[Remainder of scene mercifully omitted]

Xref: sparky talk.abortion:52821 talk.politics.animals:10541