HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
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Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 17:02:00 -06
From:         Dana Rollins <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>
Subject:      Reply to Re: Don't NOBODY MOV

*** Original Author: FNORD-L @ BUFFALO - ** Remote User **; 01/27/93 16:50

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>From:         LIBWCA%EMUVM1.BITNET@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu
>Subject:      Re: Don't NOBODY MOVE, this is a HEIST
>To:           Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L <FNORD-L@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu>
>In-Reply-To:  Message of Wed,
>              27 Jan 1993 13:05:05 EST from <robert@WHIPLASH.ER.USGS.GOV>
>
On Wed, 27 Jan 1993 13:05:05 EST Robert Holder said:
>if you were me, we'd all have more problems.  i think that's safe to
>say, don't you?  i'm a VILLIAN!  i'm a NEGATIVE CREEP!
>
><doncha wanna be unnerstood?  doncha wanna DO RIGHT?>
>
>nah.
>
>hey, i think if i were you, i'd forget AAAALL about trying to
>straighten up these here folks... they's got them junior high
>school liberry 'signments ta gits done, and sides, yuh don't got
>too much opportun'ty fer ta git yer MIND RIGHT whens ya spend all
>yer time readin' pap on yer junior high school terminal junior
>high school love potion social improvement lube slam
>
>yuk yuk yuk
>
><now SEE?  is that supposed to be funny?  i think if i had thoughts>
><like that, i'd just keep it to myself>
>
>well, you just go ahead and do that.
>
>see, this is the big problem i had before i exploded in a big
>melodramatic huff when i was last here.  what do they mean by that?
>what is it all about?  who do they think they are?  why do they keep
>making fun of me?
>
>just let go and let god melanie.
>
>yer pal,
>rdh
>      Don't NOBODY MOVE, this is a HEIST

Hey, it IS you, Holder!  I thought at first it my be one a those damn
Cheating AI projects doing a passible imitation, but your imprint on
this one is unmistakable.  Welcome back to the fold.  Here, have one of
MY cigarettes.

Cuthbert

*** Comments from ARNOLD PECK; 01/27/93 05:01pm:

OOOOO, that's a  SHERMAN'S CIGARETTE !
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Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 07:50:09 EST
From:         DEATH@HIGH.NOON.EDU
Subject:      Re: aw, shucks guys, gee

Oh, how I missed you, Robert. Only six months remain, you say?
Well, here's a marigold for your lapel so that you look a little
presentable, and .... meet Melanie! She's a reasonable person,
calm (School of Medicine, Southern Illinois University, wears
glasses), has a strong line on Dana, and may well be the
influence that could save you.

Now, Robert, Melanie will be your Friend. Please converse
among yourselves.

No, really, don't mention it, it's been a delight.
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Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 11:31:19 EST
From:         CYNOVY@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: aw, shucks guys, gee

>On Wed, 27 Jan 1993 17:57:23 EST Robert Holder said:
>>
>>PS-- i've got six months to live; what do you, my
>>FRIENDS, think i should do with the time left?
>>    aw, shucks guys, gee
>
>Robert-
>Endeavor to persevere.
>Cuthbert

Robert, Cuthbert has it in for you, I'm afraid.
You most certainly should not.
Or he'll make an anagram of your name.

I've seen this done before, you know.
And it usually ends in heartbreak for everyone concerned.

Instead, I would like to suggest topping off a fine meal with a wash
down of champaigne ... in Paris!  We'll fly you and a Significant
Other to stay for three nights and two days in a model hotel room
complete with armed guards, watchtowers, and lovely unfurled bales
of barbed wire!  There, you will be allowed to attend EuroDisney as
often as you'd like (all other sights are subject to official approval)!
Then, in the morning, you'll no doubt want to get started-- in your
new chromium-plated two-speed velocycle!  With real leather on the
seat and the handles, you will love the feel of this exterior road
vehicle.  And what better way to leave Paris, than with ... a new
pinball machine!  This antique original comes in a fiery assortment
of delicious colors, and you'll have hours of fun attempting to make
the bells and lights ring and flash, even as you discover that you've
nowhere to put such a ridiculous luxury item, but you, Robert, could
no doubt write a beautiful poem about how you have no room for such
a ridiculous luxury item!

All of this could be yours, if ...

Still watching ... The Price Is Right,
gm
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Subject: (no subject given)
Organization: Emory University - Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 16:31:14 EST
From:         LIBWCA@EMUVM1.BITNET

On Wed, 27 Jan 1993 12:50:17 -0500 Nick A. Kraft said:
>This is the most traffic that I've seen on this list for months, and no one
>has said anything intellegent.

Quite an achievment, eh?  Of course, you're wrong- everything Arthur and
Dana (and possibly CYNOVY) said was highly intelligent; but it was in
CODE.
Bill
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Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 10:59:44 CST
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From:         MW <GS0383@SPRINGB.BITNET>
Subject:      A true heart steps forward..

Saint Crispin, you have a lot of nerve. I guess somebody being female and
having something to say intimidates you in some way. If my name was Melvin
what would you say? You sure wouldn't be mentioning a bath, I'll bet. And yes,
I am enjoying this! I don't think I'd like it very well if everyone were all
mannerly and nice, that might get boring, but some of this, please, it's kind
of gross. And who is this Foss character and why does everybody love him or
hate him?

Melanie
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Date:         Mon, 25 Jan 1993 17:16:08 EST
From:         CYNOVY@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Der Spiegel

Die Freiheit zum Offenbaren eines Offenen laesst das jeweilige Seiende
das Seinde sein, das es ist.  Freiheit enthuellt sich jetzt als das
Seinlassen von Al Bundys.

                                                 --Sein mit Kindern
                                                   Dresden Codex {Heil}
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Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 09:36:00 -06
From:         Dana Rollins <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>
Subject:      TIME OUT

Time out!
Hey, my mother's not really dead.
Melanie sent me a very sweet note privately to apologize and explain
that she was only playing.  And now I feel like an asshole for going
that route.
Apologies all around.
Sorry.
I was only playing, too.

Dana

Now, back on with the protective headgear
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Date:         Thu, 21 Jan 1993 10:00:00 -06
From:         Dana Rollins <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>
Subject:      DEEP IN THE WHITE SHED

IT'S THE MR. BILL SHOW!

Anyone catch Tipper Gore on tv shaking booty to "You Can Call Me, Al"?
A truly vicious assault on the unsuspecting optic fiber first thing in
the morning.  My senses are still reeling...  Albert accompanied his
Pristine chanteuse in a capering gambolic jig that at once personified
both, a quasi-miraculous thaumaturgical Vision of rhapsodic abandon and
the undeniable - almost spectral, if you will - apparition of Clark
Kent dancing the Watusi.  It is a moment indelibly etched in acid and
it will remain with me forever, no doubt, to be passed down to my
descendants.

Of course, not to be outdone, President Bill ("Oh Noooooooooooooooo")
got down and funky, too, whipping out that mighty axe to chop down a
few musical rainforests.  I heard him hit a pretty good MOR riff in
"Your Mama Don't Dance (And Your Daddy Don't Rock & Roll)", though.
It wasn't all that bad.  You must admit, it's a prettier picture than
Bush with that comb and tissue paper, humming the more emotional nasal
passages of "Home On The Range"...

And what OF our belated Chief Executive?

In what shall be eternally treasured as a touching testament to the
Common Good inherent in us all, Poor George, ever apodeictic in his
humility and altruism, was seen to shed a grateful tear as Habitat For
Humanity threw themselves, literally, into the task of building his
family's new home.  I tell you, I won't soon forget the wondrous
spectacle of also-former President Jimmy Carter, displaying the
familiar trademark toothy grin (this time around a mouthful of nails)
as his hammer flashed in the noonday sun.  It was a moving experience,
Dear Friends, and as the Burnham Van Lines truck began to back onto the
wet cement of a Brand New Day, I thought of yet another time when the
sun seemed to shine that brightly in the heavens...

It was the day that I first saw those wonderful words appear on my old
green monitor screen: "Hello.  This is Fnord-L.  How may we help you?"

I have to go now.  I'm getting my stigmata.

You've Been A Wonderful Audient,
Thank You And Good Night,

The Late Reverend Felonious J. Cubensis
American
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Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 11:40:05 EST
From:         Robert Holder <robert@WHIPLASH.ER.USGS.GOV>
Subject:      No, don't get up, i'm just gonna grab

a beer from the fridge, your cigarettes, and whatever
change ya gots layin' around.

ah, i see you've redecorated!  the kitchen is great.  i've
always wanted one of those silver filigree sacrificial basins
myself, but they just don't look right without the authentic
obsidian blade, and they're so hard to come by these days...

gee, who knocked all the furniture over?

peace OUT man,
rdh
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Date:         Mon, 25 Jan 1993 14:39:55 EST
From:         CYNOVY@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Pissing in tongues

Which ones?
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Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 10:37:11 CST
From:         mwitten@HERMES.CHPC.UTEXAS.EDU
Subject:      POSTMASTER
              "Brush@YOUR.TEETH.ORG" at Jan 28, 93 9:33 am

GET ME OF THIS FUCKING LIST ALREADY!
ISN"T THERE A DAMN POSTMASTER WHO READS
THIS OR A LISTSERVER THAT FUNCTIONS?
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Organization: Emory University - Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Tue, 26 Jan 1993 16:19:46 EST
From:         LIBWCA@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: No Subject

On Tue, 26 Jan 1993 13:53:20 EST <CYNOVY@EMUVM1> said:
>
>Watch this space for a disclaimer by Pat, the Listowner.
>
>That is, assuming he hasn't actually managed to get a real job.
>
>Incidentally, it's not just electronically-- I thought we'd covered
>this by now-- it's nuclear-electronically.

We've been out of the cycle for quite a while- could this presage the
return of Foss?

Bill
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Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 12:44:00 EST
From:         LIBWCA@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: A true heart steps forward..

On Wed, 27 Jan 1993 10:59:44 CST MW said:
>Saint Crispin, you have a lot of nerve. I guess somebody being female and
>having something to say intimidates you in some way. If my name was Melvin
>what would you say? You sure wouldn't be mentioning a bath, I'll bet. And yes,
>I am enjoying this! I don't think I'd like it very well if everyone were all
>mannerly and nice, that might get boring, but some of this, please, it's kind
>of gross. And who is this Foss character and why does everybody love him or
>hate him?
>
>Melanie

One neither loves nor hates Foss.  One merely beholds him with awe, and
*receives*.  He's a lot like me and Zeus (though not Nixon) in that way,
but not in any other way.

Cuthbert
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Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 11:45:57 EST
From:         CYNOVY@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: Our Apologies for Mr. Dailey's Post...
              28 Jan 1993 11:18:04 -0500 from <jsmith@Q415.BETHESDAM.EDU>

The Ballad of Otto Dailey von Tuscaloosa

Oh, Otto Dailey knew no fear,
He said, "I must get out of here--
The inmates have taken over this zoo
God give me strength to see me through.
God give me strength to make it through.

He stole an account at random at Mayo,
And fashioned an effigy made from Play-Doh,
To give the lie that he'd not crept
From his cell to do some intrept,
From his cell to fare Intrepid.

The Doctors were having a celestial wake,
The Nurses were eating some baked bean cake,
And Otto flew to the terminal and saw
His escape from the wrong arm of the law,
He saw his escape from the law.

He typed, deranged, as diagnosed before
And hoped the sound could not be heard through the door,
And found that Mayo was more than willing
To allow him access to nodes a-thrilling,
To give his heart a shock most thrilling.

But it was all a set-up, Otto soon found
And his hopes, such as they were, were dashed unmercifully to the ground,
Not by Jaclyn, who had no authority to threaten him with anything when
   she herself was guilty of unlawful imprisonment,
But by Arthur, who the way of semantic derision went,
But by Arthur, a stickler for what he saw as declining standards in
   schools, and would always his ear a listen bend.

I should have been Scottish.

gm
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Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 12:52:00 -06
From:         Dana Rollins <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>
Subject:      Reply to get me off this list

*** Original Author: FNORD-L @ BUFFALO - ** Remote User **; 01/27/93 11:52

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>From:         mwitten@HERMES.CHPC.UTEXAS.EDU
>Subject:      get me off this list!!!
>X-To:         FNORD-L@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu
>To:           Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L <FNORD-L@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu>
>
Please get me off this list!!!

--

_____________________________________________________________________

Matthew Witten, Ph.D. MED
Director, Applications Research & Development
Associate Director,
UT System Center For High Performance Computing
Balcones Research Center, 1.154 CMS
10100 Burnet Road, Austin, TX 78758-4497 USA

Phone: (512) 471-2472  FAX: (512) 471-2445

E-MAIL  MWITTEN@CHPC.UTEXAS.EDU
      or
        MWITTEN@UTHERMES.BITNET

"some intellectuals make their living by creating
obscurities for the rest of us to puzzle over"
_____________________________________________________________________

*** Comments from NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH 01/27/93 12:52pm:
Eat it
Eat it RAW
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Date:         Fri, 22 Jan 1993 15:32:00 -06
From:         Dana Rollins <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>
Subject:      Today's Special: Bukowski, OJ

>Subject: Today's Special: Bukowski, OJ and Hash Browns
> (courtesy of one-time Fnord terrorist, Whiplash)


beauti-ful
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

one poet used to take
this stringy-haired blonde around
with him to poetry readings
and
she'd sit out in the audience
and now and then
just as he concluded a
poem
the blonde would
breathlessly say:
"beauti-ful..."

it made him look good
and I was a little jealous
of it
myself:
nobody had ever said that
about
one of my poems

and each time
after she said,
"beauti-ful..."
it made them
applaud.

he had her planted at
all his readings
this poet who was so good
with the ladies
he had a
gentle smile and
these artistic
dangling
hands
and he dangled
very well
elsewhere
it was
told.

I attended these readings
because I was living with a
sex-pot who *insisted* upon
going to them
and since our affair was
still fresh and
new
I made certain horrible
sacrifices

and *he* was reading
everywhere
in every little pitiful
hand-out
poetry hole in L.A.
and nearby
parts.

this one night
he had a new girl planted
in the audience
a tinted redhead
wearing fisherman's boots
and a cowboy hat
with a two-and-one-half foot
red feather
but she was as good as the
other:
at certain times
after certain poems
she too would utter the
word:
"beauti-ful!"

and the applause would
follow...

an hour later he was still
tirelessly going
on, and then he finished
one
and his new plant said it
again:
"beauti-ful..."

and then it came
from the rear
from one of the back
seats:
"No, it wasn't, it was a
piece of shit!"

it was the stringy-blonde
standing up on
one of the seats
holding her paper cup
full of
Thunderbird

and then the applause came
it came and it
rose and it
rumbled
it was perfect endearing
and unashamed

*he* had never heard applause
like
that...

^^^

and after that night
maybe a week later
I was alone
sitting up against the
headboard of the bed
the sex-pot was out
to a reading or
somewhere
and I was into another
beer
going through one of
those
throwaway tabloids
when I came across this
short notice
that a certain poet
had left for
New York City
to seek his fame and
fortune
there.

a beauti-ful city for a
beauti-ful guy, I thought,
bundling the tabloid
and dumping a 3 pointer into
the far-off
basket...
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Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 16:13:05 -0600
From:         Scotto <MOORE7004@ISCSVAX.UNI.EDU>

>Time out!
>Hey, my mother's not really dead.

Look again, sucker.

>Melanie sent me a very sweet note privately to apologize and explain
>that she was only playing.  And now I feel like an asshole for going
>that route.
>Apologies all around.
>Sorry.
>I was only playing, too.

I swear, Dana, it's been so long since we've seen the sensitive side of your
character.  I really see some possibilites here.  Perhaps you could develop a
devastating cancer of the lymph nodes or something, nothing too shocking of
course, we don't want to offend the advertisers.  But the potential for tears
is tremendous, and I'll tell you something, what with the holiday season of
love rapidly approaching, the introduction of Melanie into your life just might
be something to watch.

>Now, back on with the protective headgear

Yeah, who'm I kidding?  YOU'RE JERKS, YOU'RE ALL JERKS, WAAAHHH, GET ME OFF THE
LIST, WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS, BLAH BLAH BLAH, ETC....
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Date:         Tue, 26 Jan 1993 15:52:44 EDT
From:         ROEKD@MOREKYPR.BITNET
Subject:      list

This list is really weird. ... just thought you'd like to know.











KDR   MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS

AND LORD OF THE MUNDANE

BOSS OF THE BANAL

OVERLORD OF THE ORDINARY

AND OTHER THINGS.

thank you thank you no applause necessary. but this list is weird.
nothing like the GOP list mind you but it has it's points.
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Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 12:34:49 EST
From:         LIBWCA@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: No, don't get up, i'm just gonna grab
              27 Jan 1993 11:40:05 EST from <robert@WHIPLASH.ER.USGS.GOV>

On Wed, 27 Jan 1993 11:40:05 EST Robert Holder said:
>a beer from the fridge, your cigarettes, and whatever
>change ya gots layin' around.
>
>ah, i see you've redecorated!  the kitchen is great.  i've
>always wanted one of those silver filigree sacrificial basins
>myself, but they just don't look right without the authentic
>obsidian blade, and they're so hard to come by these days...
>
>gee, who knocked all the furniture over?
>
>peace OUT man,
>rdh

Take all the beer you want, but if you touch Arthur's cat, you're a
dead man.
And leave the rubber mask on your wait out, huh?  Somebody else might
want to play Whiplash, while you're gone.

Cuthbert
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Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 09:44:00 -06
From:         Dana Rollins <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>
Subject:      MOP SQUEEZER SEANCE

Ah Melanie melanie melanie
MELanie melanie melanie mel a NEE!
What are we going to DO with you, gull?

Indulge me a second:

I'm getting something....an image is forming....yes, we have the
subject here....the vision getting clearer now....a....shoe?...no, a
SANDAL....a BIRKENSTOCK SANDAL with a white sock.....and something
else...something.... a hairdo....a MOTHER SUPERIOR hairdo and a pair of
wire rim glasses....over a mouthful of something....what is it?...
something...sour....something very very sour....lemons?  Is it a
mouthful of lemons?....Wait a minute....we're getting something else
here.... some kind of shallow-seated hostility....there are older
people involved.... and someone named Laura... and an audience.... a
group of snickering .... snickering.... jerkwads?... are they jerkwads?
.. they seem to be some kind of jerkwads... LAUGHING at the subject's
feeble efforts to rise above the lonely and frustrating mire of her
pitiably bleak existence.... she seems very trapped and very unhappy...
wait... what's this?.....the image is changing now....what?... oh
GOOD!.... It's the Fox network!... It's that new Kung Fu show with
Grasshopper, only now though see it's like up in OUR time? and it's a
whole new generation of Kung Fu folks and...uh oh.... we seem to be
losing the picture now... yep, it looks as if it's going back to the
boring pusilanimous screechy whine, the steady drip drip drip of ...no,
wait! wait a minute.... I think YES!!! It's coming back!  It's coming
back in again!  Alright!  YES!!!!!!!!


So you see, Melanie, my charming little mop squeezer, it's all a matter
of rat's asses.  Six of one, half a dozen of another, doesn't matter.
Just get 'em out of here.  And do it quietly, honey: we're trying to
watch tv.


Merciful Lee Dickens
From: LIBWCA@EMUVM1.BITNET
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Subject: Re: No Subject
Date: 26 Jan 93 18:14:49 GMT
Organization: Emory University - Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU

On Tue, 26 Jan 1993 11:49:10 CST MW said:
>Don't you people have anything better to do?  You're not even funny.
>
>Ok, come on, cuss me out, whatever, you don't scare me.

Yes.  Yes, we do scare you.  We scare you more than you'll ever know.
Now, drop and give me twenty, maggot.
Cuthbert
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