From: schweppe@acs.bu.edu (Edmund Schweppe)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: bird on ice...  (LONG POST)  *>
Date: 22 Jan 93 22:49:23 GMT
Organization: Boston University, Boston, MA, USA

Feather writes:

[ a frosty introduction deleted ]

>"To possibly breaking the chains of old hurtful life patterns."
><CRASH!>

Hearing things that have gone on in *his* RL, Merlinvin pegs his current
glass into the flames.  <crash!>

[ Feather's painful and honest description of the Rainbow Crow's lack
  of empathy and desire for same ]

>Feather looks at everyone.  "I don't know...  Speaking for R-Crow
>directly now, I just want a perspective on it all.  I never talked about
>this before.  I have no one in RL that I can talk about this.  There is
>no place in RL I can go to about this.  But I guess, this is a unique
>Place..."  Feather smiles, "...to say the least..."

>Standing now at the chalkline is a small, gray avian of normal
>plumage, no frost.  Feather shakes herself out after such a long
>speech.  She then flies to the mantlepiece to rest and to hear
>everyone's answers and perspectives.

Merlinvin stands; no smile on his face today.

"Your situation now sounds much like mine, oh, about eleven years ago.  No
job, no money, nobody who seems to care... My solution ended up being to
join the Navy and run nuclear reactors; I don't really recommend it."

"In fact, I'm just now beginning to reopen myself, emotionally.  I hadn't
loved anyone since before I joined the service until I met someone in
class last semester.  We've since broken up, and that hurts; but at least
I know that I *can* care, that I *can* love.  (I wasn't sure - it had been
so long!) I also discovered, much to my surprise, that someone would care
for *me*; would want to be with me, would listen to what I had to say,
would cuddle me when I felt bad.  I'm not really sure why we broke up,
although at least part of it was that she didn't have as much time to
spend with me as I wanted to spend with her..."

"R-Crow, what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't give up on yourself.
Almost everyone can be caring, and loving, and empathic; I would place
long odds that anybody who *couldn't* be empathic couldn't write a post
like yours!  Unfortunately, being empathic is very hard work, and very
painful; most people are too afraid to try.  Not only that, but finding
out that someone you care about has a screaming emotional need can be
absolutely terrifying.  (Suppose Jack loves Jill, then finds out Jill
needs more than Jack can give; Jack, faced with what he thinks is certain
failure, often runs away.)  When you find someone running away from you
like that, maybe it means not that he's not loving, only that he thinks
he's not loving *enough* - it certainly doesn't mean that there's no love
in the world, or that you're somehow unlovable."

"I do have a suggestion for you, because it is my sense that you *are*
capable of feelings, and emotion, and openness, but only in a safe place.
Callahan's is one such; but no number of ASCII hugs can make up for some
real-life, face-to-face compassion."

"I strongly suggest that you find a decent counselor, if you can at all
afford one, and spend some time talking with her or him.  A good one won't
know (or pretend to know) All The Magic Words to Make The Hurt Go Away;
instead, he or she will know how to ask leading questions that will help
you work out your problems.  I'm seeing one now; it's going to take time,
but I can see that there is something at the end of the tunnel besides
tunnel.  This may well help with the job search, too - just knowing that
*something* is being done about one problem can break the logjam and help
solve others."

"I would also suggest that you look in the paper, or check the local
unemployment office, and see if you can find some sort of jobseeker's
support group in your area.  I really wish I'd known about them when I was
last looking for work."

Merlinvin looks down, expecting to see soapboxes and surprised not to;
this has been even more from-the-heart than he'd realized.  "R-Crow, I
don't know if I can give you the comfort and support you need.  I don't
even know if all of us, here, can do that for you."

"I do know that I'll give you what I can."

Merlinvin steps up to the chalkline:

"To Feather,
 and to the Rainbow Crow;
 may they find the loving they deserve and the strength they need!"

<<crash!>>

and then goes over to Feather, with a hug ready if she wants...

__________________________________________________________________________
Ed Schweppe o/k/a Merlinvin - schweppe@acs.bu.edu,
    (or for faster replies)   eschweppe%drcoa1.decnet@drcvax.af.mil
All standard disclaimers (also datclaimers and deotherclaimers) apply.