HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ucjtrjf@ucl.ac.uk (Jonny Farringdon)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Friendly UCB user needed.  BIRKLEY
Summary: need a friendly Birkley net user
Keywords: UCB birkley (sp)
Date: 27 Jul 92 17:19:57 GMT
Organization: Bloomsbury Computing Consortium


Is there a friendly net-user at Birkley (sp)  UCB out there?


I'm in a long dist relationship (ldr) with an Italian, so quite good,
3 years, UK  /  It,  but she's going to UCB for 10 months in August,
and has been told she'll only get an account if she does some computing 
courses (wants to do American Lit + journalism).

Can someone show her the e-mail ropes, and maybe let me know about
the computing set up,  ie can any UCB student get an account &c.


Many thanks,   Jonny.   ucjtrjf@ucl.ac.uk
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: PMS
Date: 28 Jul 92 18:02:55 GMT
Reply-To: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Organization: BNR Europe Limited, London Road, Harlow, Essex, GB


I just *know* I shouldn't get into this mess, but... ;-)


In the referenced article partee@iastate.edu (Jonathan F Partee) writes:
>
>The reason that you don't accuse a woman who is angry at you of having her
>judgement tempered by PMS is because you are effectively trivializing her
>concerns.  If you trivialize her concerns, you are trivializing her.  

No, I think it is more that the woman *thinks* you are trivialising her
concerns. This is her *reaction* (in some cases) -- it is not (at least in
my cases of being burned like this -- few, I have to say, luckily, but
mostly because I know it's dodgy water & avoid it) the intention of the man.

>Different women handle PMS differently, and just because you know women who
>get hostile during PMS DOES NOT give you the right to assume that all women
>are going to respond likewise.  I've known women to get sad and not hostile.
>I've known women who don't seem to be affected at all.  

I agree with this though.

>I was very annoyed to read the letter from the "gentleman" who wrote that
>Christine's anger was biologically based and not REALLY what she believed.
>How would you like to be upset with someone and have them tell you that 
>you aren't really angry with them?  I don't know about you, but I get pretty
>annoyed when people tell me I'm not feeling what I'm feeling.  I don't know
>about you, but if I overreact because I've had a bad day, I still want people
>to take me seriously.  Just because I'm overreacting, doesn't mean that 
>something's not wrong.  I WILL NOT BE TRIVIALIZED.  I WILL NOT BE TOLD THAT
>MY ANGER IS NOT *REALLY* WHAT I'M FEELING.  No one else should be either.  

Devil's advocate point: if someone gets angry with you when they are
drunk, don't you feel you are justified in feeling that you are entitled
to assume their anger was some temporary transient feeling that should be
treated with less certainty than if the person was sober?

Something may be wrong, yes, but you are surely entitled to be less sure.
Maybe people shouldn't "trivialise" each others feelings, but if everyone
treated everyone else's behaviours as 100% "the real them" the whole time,
I think the world would be in an even worse state!

>
>Jonathan 

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: daw@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu (Dave Webb)
Subject: Long Distance Romance... revisited!
Organization: HAC - Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore
Distribution: na
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 17:09:45 GMT

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank those of you who have written to
me with your views and suggestions on my LD romance.  Thank you!  Also, 
to Brian, could you PLEASE send me ANY info you have on that $35.00 per month
PC Pursuit plan or whatever?  And if ANYONE knows of any special LD phone
plan.. PLEASE let me know!  I'd be interested in anything you all could come
up with.  Anyway, things have been out-of-this-world so far!  We're finally
going to spend our first weekend together starting tomorrow afternoon!  Neither
of us can wait!  We've got a very romantic weekend planned.. and both of us haveour own little secret plans for when we meet! Ummm.. can't wait!  Anyway, I was
hoping to hear from more of you about the views you all have on Long Distance 
relationships.. ANY opinions, suggestions, helpfull hints, stories, happy endings, etc. would GREATLY be appreciated.. by us both!  I'll be looking forward to 
hearing from you all.. very soon!
			
			thanx,
				Dave
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Why ? Was: I don't know why I am posting this...
Date: 30 Jul 92 11:59:10 GMT
Reply-To: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Organization: BNR Europe Limited, London Road, Harlow, Essex, GB

In the referenced article lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford) writes:
>In article <1992Jul29.162551.15986@linus.mitre.org>, jcr@mbunix.mitre.org (Rogers) writes:
>|> 

[Deleted incredibly depressing, but reasonable stuff about how women down 
the generations stop each other asking guys out.]

>
>So, while I can certainly agree that *some* men appreciate the woman taking
>the initiative, my experience says that certainly not *all* men do.  And 
							^^^
							Good -- see below.

>how does a woman know when she approaches a man if he's one who does like 
>it?
>
>|    /)                      | Lana Mountford    

How about: "the majority of the men worth forming relationships with are
the ones who would not mind women taking the initiative in asking them out".

Thus follows one of "Stewart's laws" (for hetero women): :-)

- If you just want a good time, just leave the guys to ask you out;
- If you want to form a relationship with someone, try asking a guy out.

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
From: bmeyer@feds12.prime.com (Robert A Meyer x2557 14-13)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Why ? Was: I don't know why I am posting this...
Date: 30 Jul 92 21:25:18 GMT
Reply-To: bmeyer@feds12.UUCP (Robert A Meyer x2557 14-13)
Organization: Prime Computervision, Bedford MA

In article <1992Jul29.205610.28105@odin.corp.sgi.com> lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford) writes:
>So, while I can certainly agree that *some* men appreciate the woman taking
>the initiative, my experience says that certainly not *all* men do.  And 
>how does a woman know when she approaches a man if he's one who does like 
>it?


   All men appreciate *some* women taking the initiative
   All women appreciate *some* men taking the initiative

   The only trick is figuring out where you and the prospective man/woman
   fit into the equation.

   Bob

   (the non-hetro corollary is left as an excerxise for the reader)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.romance.chat
From: erisande@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Kryst the Philosopher)
Subject: Re: Ideas and suggestions on long distance relationships.. PLEAS
Organization: Quitters Inc.
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 05:56:12 GMT

HJ46@lafibm.lafayette.edu (Baboo (Holton, Jeffrey))
>In article <1992Jul22.181857.3515@wam.umd.edu> tedwards@wam.umd.edu (technopagan priest) writes:
>>In article <1992Jul22.151115.10521@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu> daw@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu (Dave Webb) writes:

>>Well, get her net access, and either use the talk program, or let her
>>telnet into your account and write to one another on your system.

>>It's suprising how nice a
>><snuggle>
>>or a
>><cuddle>
>>can be in a LDR...

>Does that last?  My SO and I *met* over the net through a mutual
>friend.  That was 17 months ago.  Now the net is just too impersonal
>for us.  Talk doesn't cut it.  Sending one of LFs giant hugs that I
>stole (sorry LF  =)  ) doesn't cut it.

>*Being there* for her cuts it.

>My advice to original poster: get seven full-time jobs to cover phone
>and gas costs.  I have one and it's not enough.  =)

	I have to disagree.  With my girlfriend over 7 hours away, a
*Hug* or a *Kiss* can do wonders for my day.  Granted, it is not
perfectly satisfying, but better than no messages at all!
	Maybe I am a simple man...  too simple...  as long as someone
loves me, I am happy...  their being next to me is just an added
bonus.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: quan@sol.surv.utas.edu.au (Stephen Quan)
Subject: Re: Essence of Relationships
Organization: University of Tasmania, Australia.
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 00:47:46 GMT

rpatel@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Rachana D Patel) writes:

>Now  I am curious about the other reasons. 
>Is it spending more time with the other person? A greater time commitment?

About 3 weeks ago I was faced with the same question.  The answer is NO.
This is one case, and I am not sure I am speaking for the general public.
I feel that if there is a time commitment involved then relationships may
become too 'routine'.  You might suffocate each other.  After all it is
not the quantity but the quality of your relationship that is important.
[As I said, this is my opinion!].

[Sorry!  I don't have any other worthwhile comments to share on the
  other points]

--
Stephen Quan
From: pierre@cs.UAlberta.CA (Pierre Honeyman)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Why ? Was:I don't know why I am posting this...
Date: 29 Jul 92 15:47:40 GMT
Organization: University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada

cwes1@cs.aukuni.ac.nz (Clare West) writes:


>It's nice to see that at least some men fit my gut feeling that there
>are men out there who don't mind women taking the initiative, thank
>you for restoring my faith in human nature (1/2 :-) )

>clare

>-- 
>Oh, why didn't I listen when they said "Never do a   |  cwes1@cs.aukuni.ac.nz 
> masters and try to have a life at the same time"?   |  clare west
>                 BigSis to Chris, Eric and Kristiina
>                    Official Welcomer of the RFA

	I am not a "shy guy" so I have no problems asking women out (of course
finding women I would want to ask out is a bit more of a problem :), but I
certainly don't mind when women take the initiative.  I find it very
attractive actually, it says to me that this is a woman who knows what she
wants and goes for it.  I like that.

	Pierre
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: drl@sol.acs.unt.edu (Dianna Laakso)
Subject: Re: Essence of Relationships
Organization: University of North Texas
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 02:48:34 GMT

rpatel@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Rachana D Patel) writes:
>Basically, I would like to undertand the difference between a relatioship
>and a strong/close friendship. 
>The first reasons that come to mind are:
>1) physical intimacy
>2) constant assurance that you will have a date

Physical intimacy is important, but I wouldn't say it's a _reason_ for
seeking out a relationship with someone. It's better to think of it as
something that follows when two people meet and find that there's some
strong chemistry between them. Constant assurance of having a date?...
I don't know about that...it's never been a reason for seeking a relation-
ship as far as I'm concerned!

>3) the ability to show pictures and flaunt the other 
>4) doing romantic things 

Same idea here...these are not reasons for getting involved in a 
relationship, but part of a relationship.

>Now  I am curious about the other reasons. 
>Is it spending more time with the other person? A greater time commitment?
>Mutual understanding? Being able to talk about anything on your mind?
>Being able to go to the person and feeling better? Having a good time
>and not getting into major disagreements?
>Accepting the other's faults in turn for the other qualities of the person?
>Giving each other freedom when needed? 

In the beginning when two people meet, they have some sort of gut feeling
that there's a possiblity that they might get together. There's a 'spark',
or chemistry, or whatever you want to call it. That makes each of them
interested in the other, in his/her work, life, past, family. It makes them
more tolerant and understanding of the other's shortcomings and weaknesses.
Seeing that the other feels the same and understands lets them open up
and show who they really are inside...I think is rare and wonderful when
things progress this far. In my opinion, being able to talk and communicate
on a deep level is extremely important part of a relationship. But 
realistically, it's the 'spark', the physical urge to be together, that
brings two people so close. I've never had a _platonic_ friendship in which
I felt comfortable enough with my friend to tell her/him everything on my
mind, including my deepest fears and darkest secrets, although there
were times I would have liked to. There's always an understood limit
in a simple friendship that lets friends get only so close, and not more.
I don't know why this is so...I'm interested in any ideas on this!

>I mean, couldn't you find these qualities in a friend? Wouldn't these 
>qualities come about if you were good friends with the person? 
>What I am trying to understand is the line between a close friendship and
>a relationship. 

I wouldn't call it a line...call it a plane, with physical intimacy
on one axis, emotional intimacy on the other. I do think that it's
possible for _friends_ to be intimate, but from experience, usually
one of the friends would like things to become something more.

Dianna
drl@sol.acs.unt.edu
From: drburne@eos.ncsu.edu (DALE ROBERT BURNETT)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Pursuit & Honesty (was: Re: LJBF problems)
Date: 29 Jul 92 17:04:13 GMT
Reply-To: drburne@eos.ncsu.edu (DALE ROBERT BURNETT)
Organization: North Carolina State University, Project Eos
Originator: drburne@c00456-313mn.eos.ncsu.edu





>Michael's advice about "following up" seems to imply that if a man
>really wants a relationship w/ a particular woman, he is expected
>to ask her out repeatedly even though she continues to refuse. Also
>that a woman may not believe a man's desire to date her is genuine
>unless he persists in the face of multiple refusals. Also that
>women may "test" men by refusing them multiple times and seeing
>whether the men persist.  Also that a man may not believe a woman
>really means "no" when she says "no." It may seem like I'm jumping
>ahead by leaps & bounds here, but doesn't all of that follow from
>what Michael wrote? Yet I strongly suspect it's *NOT* what Michael
>meant. Michael, please clarify.


i personally know women who wont go out with a guy if he doesnt ask her 
out more than once.

in my opinion this is bull.  when someone tells me no i will ask her out again
if she seemed optimistic.  after a few times being jerked around i will go and
ask someone else.  i am not going to spend my time thinking "what does she 
really mean and does she really want to go out."  

lots of guys cant take no for a response because they dont have the guts 
to go and ask someone else out.  if a woman says no or yes and doesnt mean it
then she is playing mind games with me and i automatically flush her.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: mcherm@msc.cornell.edu (Michael Chermside)
Subject: Re: AIDS: What the Government Isn't Telling You
Summary: Just another complaint about a phrase someone used.
Organization: Cornell-Materials-Science-Center
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 22:05:42 GMT


<<Sorry, my editor ate the attribution...>>
>                                                One case was that a man with
>AIDS was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon for spitting at someone.

Just wanted to point out that not everything that is grounds for
prosecution is necessarily a VALID threat, and even less of what is
grounds for an arrest need be valid.  I have heard this case mentioned
many times and I worry that the uninformed may infer far too much from
it.  But it was only a minor example anyway, just putting in my $.02
:-).
                                              --- Michael
"Unlike the Lorax, who speaks for the trees, my views attribute to no
one but me."  (Seusian disclaimer).
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Weaver)
Subject: Re: Pursuit & Honesty (was: Re: LJBF problems)
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 92 01:35:59 GMT

In article <1992Jul29.170413.28112@ncsu.edu> drburne@eos.ncsu.edu (DALE ROBERT BURNETT) writes:
>
>i personally know women who wont go out with a guy if he doesnt ask her 
>out more than once.
>
>in my opinion this is bull.  when someone tells me no i will ask her out again
>if she seemed optimistic.  after a few times being jerked around i will go and
>ask someone else.  i am not going to spend my time thinking "what does she 
>really mean and does she really want to go out."  
>
>lots of guys cant take no for a response because they dont have the guts 
>to go and ask someone else out.  if a woman says no or yes and doesnt mean it
>then she is playing mind games with me and i automatically flush her.
>

I agree with everything you say here, except the suggestion that the 
reason a guy would keep asking out the same woman is a lack of guts.
Some of us romantics only date women we like, and if a woman is worth 
being with, she is worth a litle rejection. But a lot of rejection
means a unhealthy relationship, and can't be ignored.


Michael.

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: nelson@eastrg1.cray.com (Christine Nelson)
Subject: Re: oh, puh-leeze...(was: ed is lord)
Followup-To: alt.romance, talk.bizarre, misc.test
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 24 Jul 92 09:03:52 CDT

In article <1992Jul23.173339.13125@unislc.uucp>, erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:
|> nelson@eastrg1.cray.com (Christine Nelson) writes:
|> 
|> : oh...okay, i get it now.  it's okay for ed to flame people, and
|> : call them names, but beware anyone else that does it.  
|> : 
|> : i guess this means that ed is alt.r's official net god, and those
|> : people wishing to express opinions other than those of ed 
|> : (aka. almighty master of the USENET) should please check with 
|> : him first.
|> :
|> Um ... it's been just about 28 days since Christine's latest rant, right?
|> 
|> At least we know Christine's period is regular...or at least her PMS.

i don't know about all the other women of the world, but i for one
am sick and tired of men assuming that whenever a woman gets upset, she
must have PMS.  men are allowed to act like witless bastards at will,
because they're MEN, and they're not responsible...it's the 
testosterone.  but women?  nope...they're supposed to remain like  
mrs. brady, or mrs. cleaver, or mrs. cunningham (now aren't they
realistic role models?  chee-yah, right).  

well, ed, the reality of it is that women DO simply get annoyed at men
who walk around with their heads up their asses.  yes...that's it.  it's
not PMS, it's not "being on the rag" (but that's a wonderful phrase
which women around the world love), it was just my reaction to your
disturbing superiority complex, and your need to be condescending to
every single person who fails to fall to the ground and kiss your 
ashy feet. 

have a USENET day

c



+====================================+
Christine Nelson             
nelson@eastrg1                  
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: puter@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com (PuterDude)
Subject: Re: "god" made man first...
Organization: None, today. Thank you.
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 20:06:59 GMT

>> I did laugh the first time I saw this, it was a bumper-sitcker, I saw it
>> in Fort Worth, during the early eighties:
>> 
>> 	"ADAM WAS A ROUGH DRAFT"
>
>  I liked a comic I came across the other day even better...
>
>First Frame:  Lightning bolt coming down from the clouds and hitting
>a small hill...
>
>Second Frame: A rather vacant looking male sitting on the hill (this
>isn't a judgement, he is drawn that way)...
>
>Third Frame: From above "Oops.  I better try that again"
>
>  Title:  How woman was created.

How did this thread get started in alt.romance? Oh well, I might
as well add....

Sticker seen on the bumper of a "dyke" (that's what "she" called herself)

When God made man, she was only joking.

-- 
Puter	puter@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com	.sig by Generic Labels
(Put obnoxious title here)		(Put phone # here.)
(Put irritating quote here. Please make it as long as possible.)
From: HJ46@lafibm.lafayette.edu (Baboo (Holton, Jeffrey))
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: RE: How to ask someone out?
Date: 26 Jul 92 18:48:59 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University
Originator: news@lafcol

In article <92207.162946U15479@uicvm.uic.edu> U15479@uicvm.uic.edu (Chris Grumboski) writes:
>I need advice on what to do and say when approaching a woman I would like to
>meet.  I am kind of shy and would like to change that but I can never think of
>a thing to say when I see a stranger I would like to meet.  I don't want to
>seem desperate or sleazy but rather friendly and non-confrontational.  Also,
>what non-verbal signs do women give you when they want you to approach them,
>say at a bar or on the street etc?  Thanks,
>                                           Chris
>.
>.

[I'm not sure this went through the first time...if you get this twice,
sorry...]


I have had a drastic time trying to package women into an algorithm of
some sort.  I don't think it will work.

Try this:  HEY ALL YOU WOMEN OUT THERE ON ALT.ROMANCE!  ARE YOU ALL THE
SAME???

Check the responses to this, Chris.  I doublt any of them will say yes,
unless they have a really good sense of humor and they're trying to
make me look like an idiot.  =)

--Jeffrey
CS Major, and if I could write a program to answer all these questions,
I'd do it.

..say, my girlfriend is also a CS major...maybe I could get her to
From: HOLMES@VAXT.LLNL.GOV ("WHAT, ME WORRY?")
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: A question....
Date: 23 Jul 92 04:14:00 GMT

>From: pierre@cs.UAlberta.CA (Pierre Honeyman)
>So the question is:
>What exactly is a date anyways?  

Date: the oblong edible fruit of a palm (Pheonix dactylifera).

      -Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary

Sorry, I had to. Sorry, sorry, OW, OK, I'm leaving, OW! OW!! OOF!

DkH

>	Pierre
From: markway1112@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Engagement Gifts for MEN
Date: 31 Jul 92 14:07:44 GMT
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

A happy Friday to all you lovers out there!!

Here's something to get those romantic wheels turning!  My boyfriend and
I are considering marriage seriously, and I've been daydreaming about
when he "pops the question".  On that special day, I'd like to give him
an engagement gift too- I always thought it was unfair that only the
girl got somthing!! :)  Men, what would you like to receive as an
engagement token?  (My personal bias is a watch, but that's only because
I can't think of anything else!!)  By the way, he's not one to wear
rings (except for a wedding band, as he's told me :)  )


Please e-mail responses to me.. because he lur

Thanks!!!

Love,
Tigger (the female one)     markway1112@iscsvax.uni.edu


I don't want to give away any great ideas!! :) 
Newsgroups: alt.romance