From: ZSIQC@CUNYVM.BITNET (Zev Itzkowitz)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: ST:TNG Parody - Cock-A-Doodle-Q
Date: 28 Jan 93 02:15:48 GMT
Organization: City University of New York/ University Computer Center

And here is a parody from a friend of mine.....

Cock-a-Doodle-Q
by Aaron Adelman

Scene 1
<Picard is minding his own business doing paperwork in his ready room.>
Riker:	<Through communicator.> Riker to Picard.
Picard:	What is it, Number One?
Riker:	Please come to the bridge, sir.  There's something here you should really
see for yourself.
<Picard walks out of his ready room onto the bridge, where he discovers that Q
is sitting in his chair.>
Picard:	Good grief!  Not again!
<Opening credits and theme music.>

Scene 2
<Conference room.  Picard, Riker, Crusher, Troi, Worf, Data, LaForge, and, of
course, Q, are sitting around the conference table discussing their current
situation.>
Picard:	All right, Q, why are you here, and what do you want?
Q:	Recently the other Q got really mad at me for playing a few harmless jokes on
mortal creatures such as yourselves, and so they changed me into a human again
and have dumped me here.  But the worst part of it is...<Pauses, struggling to
continue.>  they're transforming me into a chicken.
<The crew start laughing.>
Picard:	Q, this is without question the silliest thing you've ever attempted to
pull off.  Do you really expect us to believe this nonsense?
Q:	My dear Captain, this is for real.  If you don't believe me, look under the
table.
<Everyone looks under the table and sees that Q's feet now are chicken feet.  At
this point Worf starts daydreaming about hunting chickens, his hobby as a
child.>
<The other crew members discuss ways of reversing the transformation.>
Picard:	Mr. Worf?
Worf:	<Breaking out of his daydreaming.>  Yes, sir?
Picard:	Will be any problems with aliens attacking the Enterprise in order to
wreak revenge on Q?
Worf:	<Makes an ear-to-ear grin.>  No, sir.  We just need to take a few
precautions...

Scene 3
<The Enterprise is shown orbiting a class-M planet.>
Picard:	Captain's log:  Stardate 3145926.5.  Mr. Worf, Q, and a bottle of
barbecue sauce will soon be beaming down to Delta Zorgonis III, an uninhabited
forest planet, which Mr. Worf says is the best place to hide until Mr. LaForge
finishes the needed force field system.  Dr. Crusher still has not been able to
reverse the transformation.  In fact, Q has turned completely into a chicken.
<A jungle is shown.  Worf, Q, and a bottle of barbecue sauce materialize in the
jungle .>
<An ear-to-ear smile appears on Worf's face.  Worf pours some of the barbecue
sauce on Q, who is clucking away like mad for mercy, and points his phaser at
Q.>
Worf:	Prepare to be eaten, Q.
Q:	<Cluck!  Cluck!  Cluck!>
<Before Worf can fire, a Sanderian, one of a race of chicken-frying Southerners,
hell-bent on having his revenge on Q, runs out  of the bushes.>
Sanderian:	<Yelling.>  He's mine!  He's mine!  I shall have my revenge!  <Knocks
Worf over.  Worf and the Sanderian fight.  Before Worf and the Sanderian have
finished beating each other up, Q has escaped.>
Worf:	<Pausing the fight for a moment.>  Wait a moment.  Where's the chicken?
Sanderian:	<Noticing a trail of barbecue sauce on the ground.>  He went that
way!
<Worf and the Sanderian start running after Q.>
<The entrance to a cave is shown.>
<Q ducks into the cave, thinking that he's ditched Worf and the Sanderian,
colliding instead with the leg of a Borg.>
Borg:	Ah, Q, we have found you at last.  Resistance is futile.  You will be
assimilated-through our stomachs.
<The Borg grabs Q, and both of them vanish.>

Scene 4
<Q rematerializes inside a pressure cooker, with a Borg wearing a chef's cap
towering overhead.  To his horror, Q realizes that the Borg have learned from
Hugh the existence of chicken soup and really want to try some.  Before the Borg
can kill Q, a really big video screen used mainly to play  "Hunt the Wumpus"
lights up.  The Borg are being hailed.>
Person on screen:	<Looking like a typical Starfleet chaplain.>  Ugly cubical
ship,  this is Pierre LaForge, priest of the Voodoo Reformed Cult.  Beam over
the chicken.  We need it for one of our ceremonies.
Borg:	<In unison.>  Your desires are irrelevant.  Why should we give you the
chicken?  <The Borg all scream.  The video screen shows the Voodoo priest
sticking a pin into a Borg doll.>  All right, we'll beam him over.
<Q is shown dematerializing in the pot.>

Scene 5
<Q rematerializes, finding himself inside a cage, members of the Voodoo Reformed
Cult scurrying about preparing for the ceremony, which, so Q gathers from their
conversation, involves doing everything possible to make him feel pain.  (This
is Reformed Voodoo, remember.)>
Pierre:	Is everything ready for the ritual stomping?
Cult Member:	Yes, sir.  We even managed to obtain a sledge hammer.
Pierre:	Excellent!  Has my nephew beamed over from the Enterprise yet?
Cult Member:	<Turning his head to check.>  Here he comes now.
Geordi:	<Walking around a corner.>  Uncle Pierre!  It's good to see you again.
Pierre:	Glad to see you, too.  Did you get the special Klingon knife?
Geordi:	<Holding up a knife designed by K'Ukh, a famous Klingon hunter, for the
purpose of killing chickens.>  Got it right here.
Q:	<Cluck!  Cluck!  Cluck!>  <Translation:  Aaaaiiiiggghhh!!!>
<What will happen to Q?  Will he be saved?  Or will he be tortured to death?  Or
even worse, will he get himself into even greater trouble?>

Part II
Scene 1
<Pierre LaForge is about to stomp on Q when suddenly he hears the sound of
transporter beams.  Turning around, the Voodoo high priest sees that Data and
his pet cat Spot have beamed aboard his ship.>
Data:	Father LaForge, please hand over the chicken.  I need him for a
nutritional supplement for Spot, my cat.
Pierre:	This is outrageous!  What gives you the right to interrupt one of the
most sacred ceremonies of the Voodoo Reformed Cult and take the chicken?
Data:	The producers gave me the right.  They decided to put an end to all of
this nonsense about Q being changed into a chicken and let me put him out of his
misery by feeding him to Spot.
Spot:	<Meow!>
Pierre:	Oh yeah?  Try and stop me!
<Pierre LaForge tries sticking a pin into a little Data doll, but Data is
unaffected.>
Data:  Father LaForge, you seem to have forgotten that I am an android and
therefore cannot be hurt.
<Data grabs Q from a cult member's hands.>
Data:	Here Spot.  Enjoy your dinner.
Spot:	<Meow!>
Q:	<As Spot eats Q.>  Aighghghghghghghghghgh!
Spot:	<Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!>
Geordi:	Wait a minute!  Data, weren't they planning to have Q in the upcoming
episode  "Dueling Qs"?
Data:	Of course they were.  And he still will be.
Geordi:	But isn't that impossible? After all, Spot just ate Q.
Spot:	<Purrrrrrrrr!>
Data:	They'll probably just ignore the contradiction.  The fans will label it a
YATI (Yet Another Trek Inconsistency).  They do it all the time.
<Scene fades out.  The Enterprise, the Voodoo Reformed Cult ship, the Borg ship,
and a Sanderian ship are shown departing.  At last the universe is safe with Q
eaten.>
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