From: jdoyle@TITAN.UCC.UMASS.EDU (J.D.)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: The problem with gays...
Date: 23 Aug 92 00:25:50 GMT


	Since I came out to myself and my family a year ago, I've learned
alot about myself and other people. For most of my life, I lived a life for the
sake of other people's impression of me. I dated girls in high school, played
sports, did guy things while on the inside I fell in love with some of my
closest male friends and fantasized about being physical with men. I hid
my feelings from myself until a short time ago I decided to deal with them.

	When I came out, it felt as if a tremendous burden had finally been
shed. For one time in my life, I remember being at peace with myself and 
willing to really open myself up to other people. I had begun trying to 
meet other men and was fascinated to see so many people life myself out there ;
People that I had thought were nowhere to be found prior to that time.

	Over the past year, I've met alot of people - gay and straight. I've
made acquantainces, I'd even gander to say that a few of them really are my
friends. I've learned alot about myself from these experiences ; The most
important less that I learned was that I was much more emotionally stable and
socially grounded than any of the rest of the faggots that make claims to
be part of this "gay community".

	It makes me sick when I get pinned with the bad reputation that
the rest of you fags make for me. I live my life clean and choose to wait to
find a special guy to share my body with while you bastards whore yourself
without discretion, spread disease and befriend people only for the goal
of getting your fuck out on them and then leaving them. You dont know the
meaning of committment, you dont what love really is - you just fool yourself
and hide your emotions behind whatever facade constitutes 'love' in your
screwed up scene. You dont 'care for people' - its just part of the head
game that you bastards use to coax someone into the sack so that you can
get off on whatever hyper-male conquest trip you are on. 

	You call yourself a community, huh? You knife each other up the
back with lies and altered gossip ; you say that I am "too straight acting"
because I'm aggressive, know what I want and have a nice body - when
really you just want to fuck me and drop me like its some sort of card game. 
You dont have a community - for that you need to have people with strength,
vision and perseverance - your community is nothing but one, large
loosely organized fuck fest! As long as the people around you seem like
eligibible partners, play into your head game and keep your passing
social needs at bay you are happy. Once you realize you may not get
exactly what you want - then you shit on them. Some community bud!

	I've learned to deal with you and to stay my distance. I've got
what it takes to make it in life - I got a brain, I keep my body in 
shape and I have a heart - thats all you need. I'll bide my time and wait
and be the person I've always been and ,maybe I'll be lucky and find someone
that I can really share myself with. Until then I'm staying away from the
rest of you fags and that bullshit "community" of yours. Dig your own grave!
Fuck yourself into a coffin if you want ; Dont come bitching when you wake up
at the age of 40 and ask "What the hell is wrong with my life?" because
with you, it is ALWAYS someone else's fault. I've received more support
in the tough times when I was coming  out from my straight friends than
from you ; I will never forget the people that stood by me in the time when
it was harder for me to accept myself than it was for them to accept me. 
I've give them alot of credit and alot of my heart ; that's something
you wont understand for awhile.

	I'll be going my way and you can go your way ; Go for it, hang
out in your clubs. Drink, smoke, get fat and ugly, bitch about and slander the
people around you, flounder in your own insecurities and inadequacies. But
dont come and expect me and people like me to do your scene.

The "Too straight acting" homo
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