From: anderson@macc.wisc.edu (Jess Anderson)
Subject: Re: de-muffining
Organization: Madison Academic Computing Center, UW-Madison
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 92 14:41:48 GMT


In article <1992Oct16.134829.24015@cbnewsl.cb.att.com>
ry@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (ryerson.schwark) writes:

>In article <1992Oct16.041059.11386@sol.UVic.CA>
dcunning@engr.UVic.CA writes:

>>A few facts about myself : >>- I'm 18 years old, still a
>>virgin and not terribly sure about myself.

>The only people who are very sure of themselves at this age
>are the ones who are wrong.

He's right.  Losing your virginity often, maybe even
usually, makes you less sure of yourself.  But there are
come compensations, one being that losing your virginity is
sort of opening the door to a very large, very wonderful set
of very pleasant options.  Not to mention that sex is
dynamite fun, of course.

As for being insecure, the person who could find the magic
cure for that problem would instantly be rich and famous,
but probably short-lived (the Counselling Cabal would off
that person instantly).

Being less than confident is basically a good thing, I
think.  I thnk the most userful clue about it is not to
over-react, and also to realize that in 90% at least of
cases, anything that applies to you applies to the person
opposite you, even if you can't detect it readily.

>>- I've known for most of my life that I'm gay.

>>- I've hidden the fact that I'm gay from almost everyone,
>>  except for a couple of very understanding friends, for most
>>  of my life.

>I suspect in time, you'll get more comfortable about being
>out to most everyone

A useful tip[ here is to realize that you can set your own
pace for just about everything.  The sense of being
pressured, which we usually generate inside ourselves with
far less reference to the outside world than we're used to
thinking, is the enemy of being relaxed about these things,
so if you *do* feel pressure, then you know to remind
yourself about having all the time you need.

>>- I've have been "out" at my university for about five
>>  weeks, with the help of a very supporting group.

It's a very nice advantage to have, one I wish every young
person coming out could rely on.

>>- I'm going to my first gay dance tomorrow night.

>Have a good time.  

There are gay dances on my campus with some regularity.
I often enjoy them.

>>I'm still not sure why I'm saying all of this, but if
>>anyone has had a similar experience, or just wants to talk,
>>please e-mail me.

Not in any way to discount your testimony, not only is it
true what Ry says...

>Most people here have had a similar experience.  It comes
>with the territory.

...  but it's the normal situation, not to know quite what
one is doing or why.  Some people have this because they're
blithering idiots.  Others have it because they're in a
great rush to live and get every drop of enjoyment from.
And there are other reasons.  But they *all* feel like
idiots some of the time.

>>Flamers need not respond to this article.

>Believe it or not, you normally have to say something rude
>or clueless to get flamed.

Ry, you're not being True to Tradition here.  We want our
new people to start feeling comfortable right away, so I
don't think you should completely deny them the pleasure of
not needing a real cause to find asbestos useful.  What if
"flamer" meant not a person who writes insults, but instead
limp-wristed men in dresses?  We could light up the
blowtorch right away, so our new person could start getting
adjusted to CabalCadet ways.

No?  Well, it was just a thought.

-- 
Jess Anderson <> Madison Academic Computing Center <> University of Wisconsin
Internet: anderson@macc.wisc.edu <-best, UUCP:{}!uwvax!macc.wisc.edu!anderson
NeXTmail w/attachments: anderson@yak.macc.wisc.edu  Bitnet: anderson@wiscmacc
Room 3130 <> 1210 West Dayton Street / Madison WI 53706 <> Phone 608/262-5888