HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews)
Subject: Re: Need romantic way to propose
Organization: CSIRO Division of Mathematics and Statistics, Australia
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 1992 04:54:38 GMT

In article <kilborn.724541562@vincent2.iastate.edu> kilborn@iastate.edu (Scott E Kilborn) writes:
>Well, here goes:
>
>I am planning on asking my SO the big question soon and I need
>some suggestions on neat ways to ask her.  I am hoping to not
>spend a lot of money on this (i.e. no airplane banners, etc.)
>but I want it to be something she will remember forever.

Well, The Sydney Morning Herald occasionally lists this kind of stuff in it's
front page Human interest column... I'll quote a couple from memory...

1) A guy I know, Shane, popped the question to his SO (Now wife, it worked!) in
   one of those revolving restaurants where the windows stay still, but the
   inside rotates. He arranged with the management to stick a newspaper-like
   article on the window halfway around, something like "News-Flash, Will Lori
   say YES to Shane's proposal???" and that a waiter turn up w/ champagne
   /ring/etc as the note was coming around. Was really good I'm told, suprised
   her no end! (and it worked!)

2) Someone else took his SO out for what she thought was going to be just
   another dinner date. He had arranged a friend to help set up, and act as
   waiter for a private table for two on a median strip in the middle of four
   busy lanes of traffic on the southern aproach/exit of the Sydney Harbour
   Bridge. I think this one 'worked' too!

my $0.02
stuartb

-- 
 "Murder is nothing more than a common assault with unfortunate consequences"
                                                (Rumpole, of the Old Bailey)
################################################################################
Stuart Andrews (stuarta@syd.dms.csiro.au)
Opinions posted here are mine and do not necessarily comply with those of CSIRO
From: stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
Keywords: Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!  Woo-woo-woo-woo!  Hey Moe! Hey Larry!
Date: 15 Dec 92 17:43:01 GMT
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha



To all the ladies of A.R. who kindly replied to my post (so far):

Thank you for your input---it's more than I had to go on before.

You (the MAJORITY of you, anyhow) seem to be saying---and correct me
if I've got it wrong---be funny, but don't go overboard.  Administer
humor in small doses and with care.  Be able to recieve as well as
give.  No squirting with seltzer bottles, or putting a whoopie cushion
under the lady's chair in the restaurant or theatre.  No sending her
chocolates with onion-flavored centers for Valentine's Day.  In other
words:  Buffonery Verboten Ist.

Got it!

Thanks, ladies!

...T.R. Stone
 
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: an2517@anon.penet.fi
Subject: ADVICE GIVERS - help me please
X-Anonymously-To: alt.romance
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 15:21:12 GMT

Howdy,

          I need some help with a problem of mine.  It involves my
boyfriend who, has moved to my hometwon for the year to make some
money to travel.  His family lives 5 hours away, and we met when we
were at University together and have been going out for 2 years.
We both just graduated and took some jobs just to make some cash,
these jobs aren't expected to last more than another 6 months.  Since
our families live in different cities, we thought it would be nice if
we could spend the year together, instead of having it long distance,
which we usualyy do over the summers.
          So here is the problem, he is really grumpy lately.  He
complains about everything in my hometwon.  He hates his job, hates
the weather, hates the fact that it takes us 5 hours to drive to see
his friends.  I understand, and try to be as sympathetic as possible,
but there is anly so much that I can take.
          For instance, yesterday, he informed me that his friend Mark
had invited us to a Christmas party  .  Mark lives in my boyfriend's
hometown.  We would have to borrow my mom's car to get there because
it is pretty impossible any other way.  My mom and dad both need their
cars this weekend to Christmas shop etc.. I told my boyfriend that and
he told me that if we were unable to get a car, we couldn't go to
Mark's party (true), and if that were the case that would make my
boyfriend want to move out of this "god forsaken" city even more.  He
told me that he hated it here and hated his job, hated the movie we
just saw, hated it when I tired to hol his hand,hated the weather
etc...
          i AM almost at my wits end.  i find that these comments hurt
me and I have told him so.  He tells me to toughen up.  What do you do
with someone who is unhappy with themselves and takes it out on you?
Please e-mail a response.  Tahnks (oops!) Thanks.  Sorry about all of
the typos.  I am not a very good typist!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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From: pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: MUTE
Date: 17 Dec 92 00:11:08 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

In article <BzD57y.631@acsu.buffalo.edu> v064myby@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Christophr J Quaranta) writes:
>
>	I need some help.  I'm a 25 year old guy and I just met this girl who
>I like a lot.  Anyways, I've never been able to keep a relationship going
>for any length of time.  I still get tongue tied when I try to talk to her 
>on the phone & it's driving me nuts!!  
>	I've been told I'm a pretty funny guy but I usually have to have 3 or 4
>drinks just to get to the point where I can socialize with anyone.
>If anyone has some advice to help me out of this situation please let me know!!
>I don't want to lose this one & I hate feeling like an awkward teenager when 
>I'm on a date.
>					
>						Latre,
>						'Q'

If you feel you can trust her, tell her of your fears!  Sharing that
is the first step to real communication.  And that's what you seem to
need to learn how to do:  communicate.  The fact that you're unable to
do this without a few drinks to loosen up seems dangerous to me.
Relying on an outside aid won't help you learn to deal with this, and
could lead to alcoholism.  From your address, I can see that you're at
a University.  Most of them offer free counseling services, which can
help with all kinds of problems -- communication, intimacy, etc.
They're really helpful for these sorts of problems.  

I wish you luck!

ajp
From: afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How do you win someone back.
Summary: watch me
Date: 17 Dec 92 17:34:00 GMT
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

A straight-flush will almost definately do it unless someone hits a *royal* 
straight-flush, but the odds are so small of that happening that you 
needn't worry...


.. if you couldn't stand to lose this person, why did you bet them in the 
first place ? :-)

-- Stephen

	My .sig generator is shooting blanks these days.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: aland@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Alan D.)
Subject: Re: forgiveness
Reply-To: aland@cs.brandeis.edu
Organization: As little as possible
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 19:41:47 GMT

adwright@iastate.edu writes:
>In <00964F9F.13855D20@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>>Does anyone else think this sounds a little harsh?  We, as humans, are
>>fallible, we make mistakes... I don't think "abuse" really applies, unless this
>>is some sort of pattern in the relationship.

>Infidelity is not abuse? Has it ever happened to you? Were you ever cheated
>on by someone who was everything to you? Depression, mood swings, weight 
>loss, lonliness, inability to concentrate at work. Anybody out there
>that can relate to that? No, my friend, infidelity can destroy, it can
>be one of the worst forms of abuse. I would rather have both arms broken,
>the healing process would be far quicker.

Weight loss, heh?  Hmmm...  Hey, Amy...  (NOT!)

	*1/4 grin*, 'cause I know it isn't worth it...

		-=Alan
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Save Me!
Date: 14 Dec 92 19:32:28 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <0096505A.E137AF00@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>We all know women who have rescue fantasies (Prince Charming'll come along and
>take me away from all this, etc.), but do men ever have "rescuer" fantasies?
>
I think most men have this fantasy. In fact, I think most men see themselves
in this role when they try to win the heart of a woman. But they generally
don't act this way, for two reasons. One is shyness, all of us are afraid
of showing how we feel before we know whether or not the other person 
will accept it. The second is that playing the role of resucuer is 
being very forward and can scare away the woman. 

>Do men ever want to "sweep a girl off her feet"?  
>
I think this is even a more common fantasy for men. Men generally do not
see themselves as physically attractive, and tend to think that women 
are attracted to them for there charm or status. It is not very pleasing
to think that someone is attracted to you for your status, so it is 
nice to think that you could sweep a special girl off her feet with charm.
Again, men don't act this way much, because it is potentially embarrassing
and can backfire. Of course, once you are in a relationship, you can 
sort of play-act these things to communicate your feelings.

>(Unrelated)  Doesn't anyone believe in love at first sight anymore?  This is
>supposed to be the *romance* group, and I was wondering.  Is there no passion
>left in the world anymore?
>
It seems to me that to believe in love at first sight, you either need to
believe that you can find out everything of importance about a person at
first sight, or believe in destiny, or believe that blind love with 
overcome any incompatibilities between too people. (I guess you could
also believe in love at first sight and see it as tragic, but I have
never met anyone who had this opinion). 

I like to think that love is not blind, and I don't believe in magic.
So I like to think that two people fall in love as they get to know
each other. 


>And about forgiveness...I think if my RP cheated on me, I'd have to get a
>shotgun.  But then, that's not *nice* is it?
>
That seems a bit extreme to me. I have never had to forgive someone for 
something like this yet. I am sure I would be angry. I think whether or
not I forgave them would depend on whether I saw it as a lapse into
weakness, an attempt to get back at me symbolically, or an problem
with commitment.

>All this talk about companionship seems kind of dull.  I'll take a rapid
>heartbeat any day!
>
Well, having loved a number of women who weren't able to commit to me,
I feel I have had enough excitement, and would like to have something
more productive.

Peace,
Michael.
From: keithg@cnmhnet.UUCP (keith garrard)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: ADVICE GIVERS - help me please
Date: 18 Dec 92 00:16:33 GMT
Organization: California-Nevada Methodist Homes

In article <1992Dec15.182908.18991@penet.fi> an2517@anon.penet.fi writes:
>Howdy,
>          I need some help with a problem of mine.  It involves my
>          So here is the problem, he is really grumpy lately.  He
>          i AM almost at my wits end.  i find that these comments hurt

Dump this guy!  Your first line is wrong.  You don't need help.
HE DOES.  He is grumpy.  His comments hurt you.  Why
are you putting up with this?  Move on.  Life is too short
to spend it with someone like him.
--Keith

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: purleej@columbia.dsu.edu (JULIE A. PURLEE)
Subject: s
Organization: Dakota State University
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 09:38:46 GMT
From: petitc@vccnw01.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Romantic Relationships and Friendships
Date: 21 Dec 92 00:30:42 GMT

robinsonm@clvax1.cl.msu.edu (Admiral Robinson) writes:

>In article <v4j2-9+@rpi.edu>, petitc@nuge115.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes...
>>collins@blkbox (Chad R. Collins) writes:
>> 
>>>kchin@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Ken H Chin) writes:
>> 
>>>	I agree completely with the idea that romance should develope out
>>>of friendship, however, I have found that it usually doesnt work out. I
>>>find that while I may look at friendship as a possible lead into romance,
>>>most of the time my partner usually thinks that I am just not interested and
>>>looks elsewhere for romance. *Sigh* It usually means that I end up with 
>>>alot of good friendships, but ones that cannot develope past that point.
>>>Anyone figured out a good way around this problem?
>> 
>>  Perhaps you should subtly let her know you are interested.  Not outright, but
>>subtly.

>Define subtly....

 By that, I mean using non-verbal cues (e.g. gentle touching that lasts a bit
longer than it would for friends), as well as a bit of flirting.  Supposedly,
women are much better at picking up on these cues than men are, so she should
get the message.


-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
Cynicism is only realism projected into the future.
If your fondest wish is to fly, don't draw up plans for flippers.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: marcia@netcom.com (Marcia)
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
Keywords: Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!  Woo-woo-woo-woo!  Hey Moe! Hey Larry!
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 01:32:07 GMT

In article <stone.724361679@cwis> stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone) writes:
>Just what do
>women *mean* when they say they like a guy with a sense of humor?

Well, I don't know what women mean, I only know what I mean. I like a guy who
can tell jokes. And laugh at my jokes. And laugh at himself. And laugh at
life, because a lot of it *is* funny. Mostly, just someone who doesn't take 
it all so seriously all the time.

Brownie points are awarded if he loves really lowbrow comedies.

>Now, be honest---grins 'n giggles
>*aren't* the only things you look for in a man, so tell me:
>What else are you looking for?  

A certified personality. Preferably not obnoxious ;-). Compatibility. A
somewhat large nose. Glasses. Take my work seriously. Takes his work seriously.
Isn't afraid to talk about "the relationship" and where we're going. Table 
manners. Likes cats. Tactfully honest. 

Of course, that's only ME. Just about every other woman on the face of this
earth is going to be looking for different things.


-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                  ADDRESSES: marcia@netcom.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."                                     mlb@cisco.com
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: helie@bach.udel.edu (Ray Helie)
Subject: How?  By not trying (much)
Organization: University of Delaware
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 05:08:48 GMT

burtt@cycvax.nscl.msu.edu (BRIAN BURTT) writes:

" The question I would
  like to ask (to the group at large) is, is there any way to satisfy
  the aching need to do _something_ , or just sit still and go 
  insane? "

Do you mean do something that may have some effect on this person coming
back to you?  If *that's* what you mean, then it may help you to know that
you *are* doing the most you can by giving this person space.  Like 
all these responses have said -- you can't force it.  As long as you
realize that you *are* "doing something" by maintaining some distance,
this may help you to maintain some form of sanity.  

If you don't keep your distance, and try to push the issue, most 
every time you will have the opposite effect, and that will drive 
you insane in no time!  I've learned this one through experience, 
but still, it's a *very* difficult thing to do.

Of course, if I've mis-interpreted your question, well, then maybe
I've helped someone else out who was thinking the same thing I was!
8-)


Ray  8-)

*  Ray Helie         8-)                   University Of Delaware   *
*  [helie@bach.udel.edu]                   Newark, DE               *
Organization: Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 19:01:47 -0500 
From: "Francis J. Yenca" <fy03+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: How do you win someone back.

>If any of you have succeeded at this, let me know how you
>did it!!!  I've tried expensive gifts and everything.  I am
>at the end of my rope.  I was going to be married to my man in
>April...I love him dearly.

>Andie.

You can't buy someone back.  The only thing that you can do is to 
set up the conditions under which the person can come back of their
own accord.  Anything else is false and will not last for the long run.

If you're interested in some more specific advice, perhaps you'll email 
me.

Frank
From: Gleeep@cup.portal.com (Dave - Silon)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Need romantic way to propose
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 06:45:08 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
Distribution: world

>I am planning on asking my SO the big question soon...
>but I want it to be something she will remember forever.

Here are a couple things that immediately come to mind:

*fill a hot tub with marginally viscous raspberry jello, dive into it
and then while splashing about and tossing blobs of jello everywhere,
scream:  "I MUST HAVE YOU FOR MY BRIDE!"  Feed her some jello as a
sign of your ultimate love and devotion.

*Hire some crop farmer to cut THE BIG QUESTION into his field of crops
and then sky dive over it with her.  Don't forget the parachutes or it
could be a very short engagement.

*Dress up like a convict and tell her you have been arrested.  Take a
mug shot of you holding a card that says "Marry Me?" instead of a serial
number.  Tell her she has to come to the police station to bail you out.
Wait for her there and have the police show her the picture, asking if
you're the guy.

*While she's sleeping, draw the question on her forehead with permanent
magic marker so that she will see it when she looks in the mirror in the
morning.  If you aren't actually sleeping together - break in to her house
and do it - if worst comes to worst, you can always use #3 as fallback
if you really get arrested.

*Locate a very smart woodpecker and train it to tap out your question in
morse code on the side of the house until she gets it.  You could tip her
off by saying things like...  "Hmmm.  That woodpecker seems to be
repeating himself."  or  "I wonder if woodpeckers know morse code?"  (At
this point, you will whip out your handy morse code reference and ask
her to translate.)


OK,  you're practically married.  If none of these work, you could also
take her tandem bungee jumping, and then as you are romantically hanging
upside down, ask her to marry you.

Good luck.  My personal favorite is #4.

- Gleeep
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: "We could still be friends"
Date: 14 Dec 92 17:34:27 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <oneil.724138906@cwis> oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu (Sharon O'Neil) writes:
>csg068@cch.coventry.ac.uk (** DECKER **) writes:
>
>>What do you do when someone says "I really like you, but it'll never be
>>anything more"?
>
>>I always promised to myself that I would never post anything like this,
>>but there you go. I'm just interested in other people's reactions to this
>>(probably common) scenario.
>
>This is a hard question to answer.  I told this to someone once and then
>ended up falling in love with him.  
>
>But more times than not, when a person says this, he or she really means
>it and doesn't change his or her mind.
>
I agree with Sharon, but she really didn't answer the question of what you
do. People don't know how they are going to feel or act in the future, except
the near future. So if someone says this, presumably they are going to stick 
with it for a while, but after that, nothing is certain. 

Depending on your situation, you could choose to:
1. withdraw and give up
2. withdraw and hope to try again at a time you think appropriate
3. accept the current relationship as it is and not expect anything more
4. accept the current relationship as it is and hope things change 

Keep in mind that your feeling are bound to change with time when
choosing a course of action. I tend to prefer keeping in touch, because 
you can always withdraw in the future, but getting back in touch after
withdrawing can be tricky.

Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: aland@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Alan D.)
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
Keywords: Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!  Woo-woo-woo-woo!  Hey Moe! Hey Larry!
Reply-To: aland@cs.brandeis.edu
Organization: As little as possible
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 19:42:53 GMT

enrietjr@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (jennifer) writes:

>	1) A man has to be able to share in my dreams, and allow me to share 
>	his. Not that our "dreams" need to be the same, but that we can help
>	and support eachother in reaching out to  attain them.
>	2) A man that can help burden my sorrows, and allow me to help with
>	his. Pain is never easy to deal with, but with the right person, the
>	'load' can be lightened  -without either of the two ever feeling as 
>	though they are over burdened
>	3)A man that I can respect, and who, in turn, respects me. This one is 
>	often stated, but never really *thought* through... I want to be able
>	to respect this man for who he is, what he believes in, how he puts 
>	those beliefs into action etc.  This seems to be the most difficult
>	to attain, so often the beliefs & etc are so different that it is 
>	difficult to respect them...
>	4) Laughter, happiness & etc -I think this section has been explained
>	5) I suppose that this could go under number 4, but I want to be
>	able to see his laughter and smile in his eyes... to me the eyes are
>	a window into a person's mind and heart... it you can't look and see 
>	more than just an 'eye-ball'... the passion is lost.


Jennifer,

  Thank you!  I don't think I've ever seen this put into words quite
this well.......

	-=Alan

[Suffice it to say, I agree]
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: rwarren@vax2.concordia.ca (Rosemary from Montreal)
Subject: Re: How do you win someone back.
Summary: watch me 
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Concordia University
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 20:42:00 GMT

In article <92349.181945IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>, World Leader <IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes...
>If any of you have succeeded at this, let me know how you
>did it!!!  I've tried expensive gifts and everything.  I am
>at the end of my rope.  I was going to be married to my man in
>April...I love him dearly.
> 
Andie, unless there are circumstances i haven;t read about yet, you're 
welcome to peek over my shoulder at soc.couples and discover the answer to 
whether or not i can get my special guy back.

it's the same as at the oct 26 referendum, except with a much different margin 
of opinion.

"I just want you to recognize me in the temple ..."
	Michael Jackson, "Jam"

Rosemary Warren         rwarren@topaz.concordia.ca
Montreal's Favorite Jacksonmaniac !!!
Newsgroups: alt.romance