From: Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Not Al Crawford)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Bogroll Peeve
Date: 10 Apr 92 11:34:10 GMT
Reply-To: Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk (Not Al Crawford)
Organization: Penicuik People's Revolutionary Sheepdog Liberation Front

For no particular reason, the bogrolls (and their dispensers) in the gents
toilets nearest my office have been replaced by something called a "Cresta
Toilet Tissue System". This is characterised by a) a stupid name (no doubt
the cleaner must now be referred to as a Cresta Toilet Tissue System Tissue
Replacement Technician" rather than as "the woman who puts new loo-rolls
in") and b) an equally stupid design.

CONVENTIONAL BOGROLL DISPENSER

					Here we see the conventional bogroll
   _| |_    		| _______ |     dispenser - a tube held by two arms
  / | | \   		||       ||     that fits in the cardboard tube in
  | |_| |   		\|       /|     the middle of the roll. The paper is
  \_____|    		 |_______|      dispensed by pulling it. Separation
        |    		 |       |      is by perforations in the paper.
        |   		 \/\/\/\/       

Side elevation         Front elevation

CRESTA TOILET TISSUE SYSTEM
                                        The Cresta Toilet Tissue System is,
    ____________         |___           on the other hand, a large plastic
   /            \        |   |          drum, approximately 40cm in diameter.
  /              \       |   |          A giant bogroll (35cm or so diam)
  |              |       |   |          is hidden inside it. The paper is
  |              |       |   |          dispensed by pulling it out an
  |              |       |   |          opening at the bottom of the drum
  \              /       |   |          and it separated by teeth surrounding
   \____________/        |___|          the opening. The paper is *not*
              |          |___|          perforated.

  Front elevation    Side elevation

This brain-dead design is highly peeveworthy. For one thing, the paper
isn't perforated. Although the opening in the dispenser is surrounded by
little plastic teeth, they are completely bloody useless. Any attempt to
tear off some paper results in the last 20cm of so looking like it had been
savaged by a rabid wolverine. So any money they might save by using
non-perforated paper is offset by the amount wasted. On top of that, the
teeth sometimes catch *before* you want to separate the paper, resulting in
the paper being split into inch wide strips. Not a great deal of use,
except perhaps as confetti.

The other peeve is that this thing is *complex*. In the past there were
always 2 or 3 loo rolls kicking around each cubicle, so if one ran out
there was always another handy or, at worst, in the next cubicle (you had
to check *beforehand*, obviously). This is no longer the case. The
specialised EnormousBogRolls used by the Cresta system can't be stored like
this, and are kept in a locked cupboard with the cleaning materials. This
means that, should the roll run out, you've got a problem. You
have to go on a 3 week training course to be able to figure out how to even
open the bloody thing and only a trained Cresta Toilet Tissue Systems
Tissue Replacement Technician can get at the rolls and replace them.

--
		Not Al Crawford - Not_Al_Crawford@ed.ac.uk
     "The water shines/A sheepdog skips across the face/A dozen times"