Newsgroups: ont.general,can.general,soc.culture.canada,ott.general
Subject: Re: sidebar re 401
From: emd@ham.almanac.bc.ca
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 92 11:19:22 PDT
Distribution: can
Organization: Mid Island Ham Network

pww@bnr.ca (Peter Whittaker) writes:

> In article <1992Aug12.141713.3887@bmerh85.bnr.ca> 1596118@x400gate.bnr.ca wri
> >Now for the kicker.  I was born and raised in Ottawa and when I'm out
> >with a group of friends they're always amazed that someone actually still
> >lives here who was born here.  Seems to me, its not the "Ottawa" drivers
> >that are so bad its the large diversity of driving practices that people
> >from other cities and countries bring with them.  Everybody expects things
> >to be the same everywhere.  Compare Montreal and Toronto, both big cities,
> >both have different "common" driving practices.  Mix them all together and
> >it spells Ottawa.
> 
> Hmmm....
> 
> Common driving practice, Montreal:  fast, safe, threatening for
> pedestrians, cooperative (as long as you drive quickly and safely,
> Montreal drivers will make room for you, move over for you, etc.).  Not
> for the squeamish, the faint of heart, the bureaucratically rigid, or
> the risk avoider.  If Hamlet had had a car, he would he have been
> killed driving in Montreal.  Also not for those who do not know were
> they are going.
> 
> Things Montreal drivers know how to do:  merge, yield (only to those
> drivers who meet the cooperation proviso above), pass, park (in spaces
> physically smaller than their vehicles), control their vehicles at any
> speed.
> 
Please add - make two lane roads into four lane roads by driving on the 
sidewalks, terrifying out of town pedestrians.

> Accidents in Montreal are caused by:  inadvertent lapses of attention
> (at these speeds, a blink will kill), visitors who have yet to adjust.
> 
> Common driving practive, Toronto:   act like the roads are not filled
> to capacity, and like everyone will defer to you, since you're a
> Torontonian god-on-earth.  Drive poorly, but well enough to survive.
> Complain a lot, but never about your commute; in fact, make it sound
> like a three hour commute is a thing of pride, not an idiocy that any
> sane person would avoid.
> 

Add to that the practise of signalling to make a left turn, then turning 
right - right in front of you - without warning.

> Things Toronto drivers know how to do:  get were they're going,
> tolerate crammed roads, meditate while driving, find the world's
> cheapest parking space within walking distance of wherever, yield,
> avoid construction, drive (albeit slowly) in the worst ice and snow.
> 
> Accidents in Toronto are caused by:  roads being used at 100% capacity
> and beyond.
> 
> Common driving practice, Ottawa:    ignore all other drivers, all
> driving laws, signals, signs, traffic obstructions;  drive as slowly as
> possible in any 100km/h zone, as quickly as possible in all other
> zones;  pay as much attention as possible to kites, birds, children
> playing harmlessly on second story balconies;  stop for pedestrians, no
> matter how fast you're going, no matter who's got the right of way, no
> matter what you will do the rest of the traffic, even if that
> pedestrian is only thinking about setting foot on the pavement.  Decide
> that you want to take the upcoming exit at the last moment, while you
> are in the left-most lane:  accelerate until you are within one
> car-length or less of the car in front of you, cross all lanes between
> you and the exit, ignoring all other cars (they'll brake in time...),
> and brake violently as soon as you are in the exit lane.  Remember to
> avoid signalling any intention;  if you do signal inadvertently,
> remember to leave your signal until you reach your destination.  Run
> red lights, jump start green lights, ignore yellow lights.  Above all,
> never take an alternate route, no matter how badly the main route is
> blocked up, under construction, flooded, etc.
> 
> Things Ottawa drivers know how to do: .  Sad, isn't it?
> 
> Accidents in Ottawa are caused by:  boneheads.  For purposes of this
> discussion, boneheads are all Ottawa drivers who do realize how bad
> driving in Ottawa really is.
> 
> No :->
> 

Yeah, and remember some of these boneheads are in charge of the country. 
Is the present constitutional malaise any longer perplexing?

Personally, (after living there, I'm entitled) I've always thought of 
Toronto as the asshole of Canada. Ottawa, is of course, two hundred miles 
up it!


emd@ham.almanac.bc.ca (Robert Smits Ladysmith BC)
Newsgroups: ont.general,can.general,soc.culture.canada,ott.followup