From: slg@slgsun.att.com (The Idealistic Cynic)
Subject: Re: Procreation?
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Columbus, Ohio
Distribution: na
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 11:54:06 GMT

In article <1992Oct11.185724.6922@infonode.ingr.com> greg@cherokee.b23b.ingr.com (Greg Moritz) writes:
>I was having a bit of a chat with my sister recently.
>[...]
>What is the experience of netters out there on this issue?  Who is the
>'instigator' of the 'fruitful multiplication' going on that you see?

	Well, to be honest, most of the couples I've seen who've
	had children made the decision jointly.  (Maybe that's
	unusual, but I really hope not.)  Certainly that's how
	my wife and I came to our decision.  Certainly, none had
	a child because one of the members of the couple "insisted".
	It sounds to me like a bad reason to have a child.
	
>Also, on a related note, are there many folks out there who don't desire
>children ... ever?  I just don't understand the instinct to have one (or
>more).  I realize people *do* have that instinct.  I accept that.  It's
>just that I don't.   I could see myself participating in a big brother
>type of thing, but if I can avoid it, I would like never to have one of
>my own.

	It depends.  Some people never feel an urge for a child.
	Some people don't, then reach a point in their lives where
	they do.  And some people have always wanted a child.

	As for myself and my wife, just over a year ago we were living
	in New Jersey in a small apartment and living rushed lives.
	Neither one of us had any desire for a child.  Not only that,
	but I wasn't at all sure I would *ever* want a child.  If
	the subject came up, it was for a "few" years in the future.
	And I was adamantly against having a child anytime soon.

	As of today, my wife is 34 weeks pregnant, and we're both
	very happy and excited about it.  What changed?  Well, for
	us it was a number of things.  We moved to Ohio, to a place
	close to our childhood homes and close friends.  Our lifestyles
	changed a bit, and with the move we simply found we enjoyed
	living on Columbus much more than we did NJ.  And there's	
	probably a lot of other things there as well.  The point is,
	something changed in both of us, and began wanting a child.

>My feelings have been described as immaturity by some, but I'd like to
>feel that I am not alone here.  Others say that I will someday change my
>mind, but they have been telling me that since I was 20 (thirteen years
>ago).

	I happen to be just about your age.  I would not call it
	immaturity at all.  Having a child is an extremely big
	decision, and one that will affect your life for the rest
	of your life.  And it's ok to not want to have a child.
	You may change, and you may not.  If you aren't married,
	that may change your mind.  Being with the children of
	close friends may change your mind.  Lots of things *may*
	change your mind, but its ok if none do.

	If you aren't married, I do make the suggestion that you
	make sure that any prosepctive partners know your feelings
	on the matter -- you shouldn't be one of those you talked
	about that were "forced" into having a child.

Peace,

Sean.
	
---
Sean L. Gilley
sean.l.gilley@att.com sgilley@cbnewsl[.cb].att.com
614 236 5031 (h), 614 860 5743 (w)
And there's so much love to give, to a tiny child that lives
In the magic, in the splendor, in the wonder of the years...
Newsgroups: soc.couples