From: anon-1534@twwells.com (Suzanna)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: birthdays
Date: 12 Jan 93 07:59:03 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

cloister@stein.u.washington.edu writes:

   >I'm sorry, this is another stupid question. Do most people on this
   >newsgroup have friends and/or a SO? All the posts I've read here, I
   >think, although admittedly not a large number, mention friends in some
   >context. I must be missing out on something proper.

   no, not all of us do.  perhaps i should explain.  i tend to forget
   because i've been around asar for so long that not everyone here
   knows all the things i've explained about myself in the past.  i've
   had to work very hard at building a group of people i can call
   "friends."  work hard at opening up, at finding people i could
   trust, etc.  by no means are people just handed a set of friends
   and that's that.  a lot of us, especially us survivors, have had to
   do some real work in order to have friends and even lovers.

I'm sorry, I didn't know about this newsgroup until recently. I should
have read for longer before I posted. Sorry. I must not have been
trying hard enough to make friends. I'm not very good at talking to
people, even about work related subjects.

   >I'm sorry; there are two things I would like to do which I have not
   >done, but I can not do either of them. One is find a friend or friends
   >with whom to spend time. Unfortunately, I haven't found anyone who
   >seems 'right', probably because I can't talk to people and they don't
   >like me.

   i'm sorry to contradict you, but you can.  you're talking to us
   here on asar. sure, we may not be face to face, but that doesn't
   make any of this interaction any less real.  and people do like
   you.  i like you; you seem very genuine and honest to me.  i'm sure
   there are others out there (in real life and on the net) who like
   you too.

Thank you; I'm glad I've found this newsgroup and the people who post
and mail to me. I shouldn't complain so much. It's just that I do so
long to talk with someone, someone who will make me feel good, and
whom I can love.

   second, i hate to break it to you, but
   _i_have_no_knowledge_of_how_you_should_be_!!  the only one who can
   have that knowledge is you.  only you can decide what is right for
   you and so how you should be.  you you you.  not me.  not a
   therapist, not anyone else on asar.  not your parents, not friends,
   your siblings or spouse, nor aunts nor uncles nor imaginary
   friends.  only you. it's your life, you get to live it how you want
   to.

Oh. I don't know if I can take all of that responsibility. I don't
know enough to make the right choices. I don't understand the way I
feel, and I'm so lonely.

   again, i have no idea how you _should_ be.  all i can do is let you
   know some things which have worked for me, and hope that they can
   help you.  ultimately, it's up to you.  not only do i not have any
   such information, but i wouldn't want it if it were offered to me.
   i don't feel that it's any of my place telling you what to do.  all
   i can do is offer you a friendly ear and another point of view to
   see yourself from.  i don't mean to plow this into the ground, but
   i really don't think i can stress this point enough: it's your
   life, with all the implications that statement carries.

Thank you; I am glad I have everyone here to listen and help me.

   >I'm sorry, I noticed that in my previous post (the follow-up to which
   >this is itself following-up) I wrote "peoples's". This should have
   >read "people's". I'm sorry, I didn't notice it in time to delete the
   >post.

   it's ok.  no one worries about typos here.  in an english class,
   sure.  on asar, who cares?  we've got more important matters to
   deal with than a typographical error.  i want you to take this
   opportunity to notice something: you made a mistake (granted, not a
   big one), and nothing bad happened.  the grammar police did not
   descend on your house and lecture you about posessives
   or anything like that.  no one is perfect, and that's ok.  look at
   me, i flaunt the shift key almost pathologically and does anyone
   complain?  nope.

Oh. I'm sorry, I'll try not to apologise for that sort of thing in
future, then. if I shouldn't. But I don't want to become complacent
and get into bad habits.

Suzanna



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