Date: Sat, 19 Dec 92 3:25:01 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Organization: Math, Stats & CS, Dalhousie University, Halifax, NS, Canada
From: franklin@ug.cs.dal.ca (Steve Franklin)
Subject: JUST HOW NASTY CAN PNEWS GET?
Keywords: chuckle, usenet

Are you ever wondering if we're abusing USENET too much? Perhaps tighter
regulations will have to be imposed in order to accomodate the rapid 
expansion of this global network?
   Already Pnews has started the trend with threatening messages and 
intimidating guilt-ridden tactics... Imagine Pnews in the year 2069 on 
a standard University account:



ug.cs% Pnews

Newsgroup(s): rec.humor.funny

Your local distribution prefixes are:
    Local organization: mscs
    Organization:       dal
    City:               hfx
    Province:           ns
    Multi-State Area:
    Country:            can
    Continent:          na
    Everywhere:         world

Distribution (world): world

   Sorry, posting to "world" domain is reserved for respected politicians
and dictators. Being a lowly undergraduate arts student, you will be restricted
to posting within your local domain.

Title/Subject: joke

   Sorry, that title is offensive to some. For the sake of political
correctness, the title has been changed to a pig-latin derivative.

The new title will be : okejay


This program posts news to billions of machines throught the entire known
and civilized galaxy. Your message will cost the net billions if not 
trillions of dollars to send everywhere. Please be sure you know what you
are doing. 

Before you post your article you must pass the following simple USENET test.

1) Roughly how many computers are hooked up to the network that you will
   now be posting to...

approximately 666 314 159 696 969 machines

Good! Now, on to the next question! You're a third of the way towards
posting your article!


2) To the nearest digit, how many small Third World countries could be
   saved with the money this article costs?

4 small 3rd world countries, or one Soviet Union.

Excellent! You're two thirds there! Now, for the last question:


3) How much time (to the nearest hour) is this article going to waste of 
   for employees, reading this article when they should be working...

none (everyone knows USENET isn't a waste of time - it's the most important
      thing in every computer geek's life)

Good! Trick question, but you passed! Now, for a few personal questions...
(answers not echoed, for security and confidentiality)

1) Is this article going to make you friends? If so, how many...

2) Is this article going to lose you friends? If so, how many...

3) Have you ever had psychological therapy?

4) Who is your family doctor, and what is his home and work phone number?

5) Have you ever been convicted of a felony? Are you on parole?

6) Are you prepared to face capitol punishment if your article is considered:
       a) sexist
       b) pornogoraphic
       c) bible-thumping
       d) violent
       e) suggestive
       f) intelligent
       g) stupid
       h) repetitive 
       or otherwise questionable ?

7) Did you vote for Clinton Jr. Jr. , or Bush Jr. Jr. Jr? 
                                       (Non American residents need not apply,
                                       because we dont' realy give a damn
                                       about your political stance)

8) Do you buy anything other than American made products?

9) Is there a possibility that anything in this article could be incorrect?

10) Are you prepared to face the _consequences_ if there is such an item?

That will be the end of questions for this article. Please affix note from
parent/guardian giving permission to post to Pnews now (type it in, assuring
that at least 3 witnesses are present to authenticate procedure)

Now, are you absolutely sure that you want to do this? [ny]

YES? Perhaps I did not make myself clear.

Are you ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, COMPLETELY sure that you want to do this? [ny]

And you do realize that by posting to USENET you are signing life over to
the devil? [yn]

And you also realize that since you will be costing BILLIONS if not TRILLIONS
of dollars, and will send several countries into financial disintigration,
you will be spit upon by all chilren of the future for many years to come
as the sole reason for the fall of the earth? [ny]

Are you prepared to meet the wrath of GreenPeace since you so proudly 
display your ignorance for your environment and planet earth? [ny]

In conclusion, I must ask you one more time:

You really want to do this? [ny]

Alright then...

Prepared file to include [none]:

Sorry, your article is now too long. Please start again, trimming the headers
to conserve space. Perhaps your username is too long. All articles in the
future shall be conserved to 8 bytes. No more. 

This ends your Pnews session. Please come again...

ug.cs%


--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.

--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.
Sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp.
If you post instead of mailing, it screws up the reply-address sometimes.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.