HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: dks@sr.com (Dave K. Sprow)
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Reply-To: dks@srhqla.UUCP (Dave K. Sprow)
Organization: Silent Radio, Los Angeles
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 17:35:32 GMT

In article <1992Nov17.083848.23732@news.Hawaii.Edu> deb@spectra.eng.hawaii.edu (David Barrett) writes:
>In article <1e6khkINN9s1@FUNCTOR.SYSTEMSZ.CS.YALE.EDU> loosemore-sandra@cs.yale.edu (Sandra Loosemore) writes:
>>
>>The main problem I've had with meeting guys at work lately, though, is
>>that these days all the ones in my own age group seem to be married
>>already.  I'm not sure if that's Yale, or just me getting old and
>>decrepit.  :-(
>>
>>-Sandra the cynic
>
>That seems to be the case no matter where you go in the public scene, the
>good ones are taken and it DOES make you feel a little older especially if
>you are single and work at a university where very few are even close your
>own age but certainly look available.  The frustration of all that I said
>brings out the devil character on your shoulder saying to go for them all
>and age tells the little trickerster to go on his own.  And I agree with
>relationships in the same area of work.  If you get into those, you BETTER
>be the boss.
>
>David holding his own
>
But then when you get older still, a lot of the good ones are back on the
market after divorcing their initial mistakes :-)

David S.
From: mysti@sierra.sybase.com (Mysti Rubert)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: fliriting and not knowing it (was: Re: Question For Guys)
Date: 14 Nov 92 01:31:43 GMT

In article <BxFp60.3vw@news.cso.uiuc.edu>, bzb47596@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Phaedrus) writes:
 
|> Or, are there many women who won't wait for you to do something.  Since I find
|> it hard to know when an advance is welcome, it would be nice if a woman would
|> tell me. 

Often, one person thinks they are being as obvious as a large piano dropped from
2nd story window, and that person can't believe the flirtee isn't reading the
signals correctly.  Tragic, but true.

|> If I am interested in someone, eventaully I will make a move, weather
|> or not i think they are interested. 

Can't you just ask them if they are interested?  What is this "move" jazz?

|> I would hope that a woman who was 
|> interested in me would do the same. 

Unfortunately for you, and everybody else, many women are subject to sharp
critcism or censure if they appear too "forward".  Damned if you do, damned
if you don't....but since you "make moves" instead of just asking yourself,
you've little room to complain, no?

|> But this is part of a delusion that i used
|> to have: that people could actually communicate with one another.

tut tut, isn't it a bit early to be picking up your marbles and going
home?  Humans send out signals nonstop, and it is really just a matter of
learning to read the signals.  Don't require that everyone else learn your
set of signals without making the effort to learn theirs.  And don't forget
to ask :)
 
========================
Mysti Rubert, Oaktown, California

"It't not the men in my life, but the life in my men."  Mae West
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: H*ll of a situation!
Date: 17 Nov 92 19:11:16 GMT
Organization: BNR Europe Ltd, London Road, Harlow, England.
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.199.202.41

In article <1992Nov16.171629.29289@microsoft.com> bassama@microsoft.com (Bassam Abukarroum) writes:
>In article <1992Nov12.163019.1802@ccsvax.sfasu.edu> z_arthurjk@ccsvax.sfasu.edu writes:
>
[ Stuff deleted ]

>I thought about starting to act on the bastard side, but that's not me.
>I can't justify acting like that just to please that someone. Because,
>sooner or later they'll find out that I'm a nice guy and then gues what...
>it's all over.

Know what ya mean, Sam. Real bummer. Look, we just gotta try *harder*,
mate. Be real evil suckers. :-) Ya just need more practice, that's all.

I had great success many years ago -- she never found out I was a Nice Guy
until after we were engaged! Then the truth slipped out. Zoweee. Big
mistake city. Still, I got that far -- hope it will inspire you to put
more effort into the being the bastard bit. You know it makes sense.

;-)

>My advice, just be yourself and you'll run into that special one who 
>appreciates you and your qualities

Bzzzt! Optimism detector alert! Optimism detector alert! Seldom seen at 
such high levels! :-)

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
From: gollera@carn24.alleg.edu (April Goller)
Subject: Re:What kind of flowers?
Organization: Allegheny College
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 00:24:44 GMT

Howdy,
	I just thouhgt I'd give my opinion on the subject.  I personally  
am a hopeless romantic and love roses, but a wildflower mixture is very  
fragrant and pretty.  It would actually beat roses in this situation and  
yo udon't have to know the different meanings behind them.  Not too many  
besides me knows them.  Be different/creative.  Good luck.
				The Obnoxious Redhead
                                 @-}---

=-} gollera@alleg.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: tyger@netcom.com (Kristen Kohlbecker)
Subject: Re: net.hugs?
Organization:  Funk the Dumb Stuff!
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 1992 02:42:04 GMT

jjd1@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (james.j.dutton) writes:
>afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison) writes:
>>> 
>>> [Dawn's tale of how she was dumped and looked to the net for solace, 
>>> both in ARC and soc.singles and settled in soc.singles deleted]
>>Sounds about right since *this* is alt.romance, not ARC as you indicate 
>>above and I *don't* see any reference to ARC in the header ...
> 
>Same thing. ARC == a.r. == condescending hypocrites. 

*snort* The man who wrote the book on net.condescension is calling an ARC
reader a condescending hypocrite. Rich. Truly.

>But your really beautiful and sensitive as all get out. Really.

You truly are a prince among men, James, dear.

>>>So you get the kind of support
>>>you want and I got the kind of support I wanted.  
>>>It doesn't bother me personally because it's fun to see you folks get all 
>>>hot and bothered about the silliest things.
>>Almost as much fun as watching the `lonely brigade' in s.s look for groups 
>>they can feel superior to. Note, this is not a slam on your group... only 
>>on those who deflect their own needs by making the denigration of another 
>>group their `surrogate relationship'. 
> 
>Note the condescending put down tone == hypo.

It's the environment...being surrounded by so much warmth and caring of the
sort found here in soc.singles does that to people. I have to say that I 
find it amusing that Dawn talks about *alt.romance* people getting hot and
bothered about cross-posting, when one of the most common sorts of posts
I see around here are "This shit doesn't belong in soc.singles." posts. 

>Someday I may have use of a crutch like a.r. 
>Course someday pigs may fly out my butt.

Damn...that sounds downright painful...

>>>Do you measure the quality of your relationships by how badly they hurt you?
>>
>>Often, it's the size of the hole one leaves in your life upon vacating that 
>>wakes you up to their importance to you. Valid point and not the *least* 
>So you admit to being clueless. Valid schmalid.

My what a SENsitive guy you are, James!

>>there ? You only have *one* door to your heart ... it can't be opened 
>>*fully* for pleasure and *partially* for pain. You either open it a crack, 
>>thus limiting *both* the cost and the reward, or you *fling* it open and 
>>risk all to *perhaps* gain all. 
>
>A little melodramatic don't you think. Stephen you oughtta be in hollywood
>babe.

Lights! Camera! Get the net! :)

> I love alt.romance. alt.romance loves me.

Yes dear, now go take your Thorazine like a good boy.

Tyger


-- 
      Kristen Kohlbecker    And I would choose to be with you
      tyger@netcom.com      That's if the choice were mine to make   
                            But you can make decisions too
      A Tyger and a Lady    And you can have this heart to break 
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews)
Subject: Re: Wedding Vows (was Re: H*ll of a situation!)
Organization: CSIRO Division of Mathematics and Statistics, Australia
Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1992 23:01:34 GMT

In a recent article lani@askinc.ASK.COM (Lani Barton) writes...

> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
> |> If you *are* as blessed as you indicate here, perhaps you're not looking in 
> |> the right places ... or sending the right signals. From personal experience,
> |> put a wide gold band on the ring finger of your left hand. Quasimodo could 
> |> have gotten hit on if he'd been married. 
> 
>   Do any of the charming ladies out there have any idea WHY it is that people
> seem to hit on people the most that are already taken?
> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
> 
> I don't know - ask the men here.  It seems there's a lot of posts from
> guys here pining over women who already have boyfriends.

Actually, I *do* have a theory on that. When we are single, we are a bit down
not necess happy in ourselves etc etc. We don't present as the most atttractive
people around.

When we are in love, we are happy, full of live and bounce around in a great
mood. It makes us attractive to others...

got the picture....

just my $0.02...

s

-- 
  "Two to the power of one hundred thousand to one against.
    That's pretty improbable you know" (Ford Prefect)

"I do not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death
 for your right to say it" (Voltaire)
################################################################################
Stuart Andrews (stuarta@syd.dms.csiro.au)
Opinions posted here are mine and do not necessarily comply with those of CSIRO
From: kevinc@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (kevin.j.coulter)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: I'll Call You
Date: 16 Nov 92 22:01:58 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: AT&T

In article <00963A4C.F93ABC60@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>Okay, guys.  What does "I'll call you," REALLY mean.  I'm fairly sure it's a
>handy exit line that doesn't really mean anything, and I don't expect much
>whenever I hear it.  But I'm wondering if there are any tips on how to tell if
>a guy's just saying it or he really means it (aside from the obvious, i.e.
>waiting for the phone to ring).  How often have you said it, intending to call,
>but then changed your mind?  And why?

Well, I can't speak for others, just me. If I were to say "I'll give you
a call this week/next week/some other timeframe no matter how loosely
defined", I'd mean that as a promise to at least call and shoot da
breeze. If I were to say "be talking to ya" or something that vague, I
wouldn't sit around waiting for the phone to ring. 

>This happened to me again this weekend;  went out Friday, guy says let's get
>together tomorrow night, I'LL CALL YOU, and then never did (I thought he would,
>too).

Now that was rude, plain and simple.

>This is all so confusing.

yup


------
 Kevin Coulter			"If it don't have wheels, it ain't a sport!!!"
 AT&T Network Systems
 Naperville, IL
 {att}!ihlpl!kevinc  OR  kevinc@ihlpl.att.com
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Subject: Re: fliriting and not knowing it (was: Re: Question For Guys)
Reply-To: oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Organization: Montana State University
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 20:10:54 GMT

In article <25785@sybase.sybase.com>, mysti@sierra.sybase.com (Mysti Rubert) writes:
>In article <BxFp60.3vw@news.cso.uiuc.edu>, bzb47596@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Phaedrus) writes:
> 
>|> Or, are there many women who won't wait for you to do something.  Since I find
>|> it hard to know when an advance is welcome, it would be nice if a woman would
>|> tell me. 
>
>Often, one person thinks they are being as obvious as a large piano dropped from
>2nd story window, and that person can't believe the flirtee isn't reading the
>signals correctly.  Tragic, but true.
>
>
>Unfortunately for you, and everybody else, many women are subject to sharp
>critcism or censure if they appear too "forward".  Damned if you do, damned
>if you don't...

Okay, so what are some creative ideas for being as subtle as a pink elephant in
the bathtub without embarrassing oneself?  I need some hints!!  


>"It't not the men in my life, but the life in my men."  Mae West

Didn't the grand movie stars have it figured out?

How about, "Men are more than willing to respect anything that bores them."
							--Marilyn Monroe

(and, no, I'm not terribly interested in "respect" at this point in my life.)

Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: deb@spectra.eng.hawaii.edu (David Barrett)
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Organization: University of Hawaii, Dept. of Electrical Engineering
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 21:52:48 GMT

In article <1992Nov12.022755.17214@microsoft.com> allanl@microsoft.com (Allan Lockridge) writes:
>What is the longest period of time between boyfriend/girlfriend?
>Basically, I am interested in what is considered a normal length
>of time after one breaks up to when a new boy/girlfriend is found.
>
>
> Allan
>-- 
>Allan Lockridge -- Allanl

It depends on what the breakup is about.  If the relationship was a long one
and/or heavily and emotionly involved and the break was painful and not easy,
then the time NECESSARY is no less than 6 mos or 1 yr for the mourning period
to be over and emotional attachment (love or anger) to let go.  For some a
longer time is needed depending on how many years the relationship was.  If
the break was because of one or the other getting envolved in another person,
then for the person who strayed no time (but future regret) and for the 
abandoned one same as what I mentioned eariler.  If the break was a result
of a fading relationship where the two people drifted away from each other and
didn't share much time together and mutually decided to break, one, if they
didn't live together, a new relationship could happen very quickly (if nothing
was in the mill anyway) and two, if they lived together, then the loss of
the presence of the other regardless of interaction will again take a certain
amount of time to fade in the mind and heart.  Healing is very necessary for
being able to love positively and find a healthy relationship and that needs
time ALONE to find your true detached self again.  You may find comfort in the
arms of a sympathic friend, but sympathy does not make a good relationship
(it may begin the seeds for one, but first things first - letting go and then
love again).  Use your own feelings to gauge yourself.  If you still have the
other person in your heart and mind, then you are NOT ready for another one.
No one wants to have something new that is still broken.  If they do then
misery loves company, not a good bed to grow anything from.

dB
From: afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Is it me?
Date: 16 Nov 92 20:57:00 GMT
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Nov13.211341.19205@cbfsb.cb.att.com>, weird@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (john.t.erhardt) writes...
> 
>To my last post I just wanted to add something.

Shoulda quit while you were ahead ... :-)

>Well if sex was for making babies, it wouldn't feel so good!

Since there are no smiley's here, I have to assume some level of 
seriousness on your part. The *fact* that procreation *also* feels good is 
probably natures trick to assure (or *help* assure) continuation of the 
species. 

-- Stephen

	Growing up is easier than you think ... one day, you just wake
	up an adult ... and mourn your loss.
From: bzb47596@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Baba Z Buehler)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: fliriting and not knowing it (was: Re: Question For Guys)
Date: 17 Nov 92 23:39:01 GMT
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana

mysti@sierra.sybase.com (Mysti Rubert) writes:


>|> If I am interested in someone, eventaully I will make a move, weather
>|> or not i think they are interested. 

>Can't you just ask them if they are interested?  What is this "move" jazz?

This has gotten a comple of comments, so i think i had better clarify what
I meant here.  I typed "move" in a generic sense, not in a sly-scamming-guy
sense.  I just meant that if I was interested in someone, eventually I would
do/say something that made this interest blatently obvious, and that i would
hope that if someone was interested in me, they would try to make it obvious
too.  I understand that this is hard, but I have "missed" a couple of 
potentially good relationships, because only weeks or months later did I
find out from someone else that a certian woman was interested in me.

>Unfortunately for you, and everybody else, many women are subject to sharp
>critcism or censure if they appear too "forward".  Damned if you do, damned
>if you don't....but since you "make moves" instead of just asking yourself,
>you've little room to complain, no?

See above re "moves" and I can see the cultural problem with appearing 
"forward."  But i would hope that i have rid myself of cultural bias like
that, and others too.  I live on a campus, and since most here are young
and liberal (relative to the rest of society) i would hope that some/most
of thiscultural bias is absent from everyone.  I am a rather relaxed
person, which is probably why i miss flirting sometimes, etc, and maybe
just being a bit "forward" on the part of the woman is the thing that
might work if she is interested in me.
-- 
Phaedrus - Master of the Tao of Pooh             internet: phaedrus@uiuc.edu 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
     "The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous,
      the sensible man hardly anything."   --Goethe
From: 01ksdavis@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu (Rebel without a clue.)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: "Made" or "Just Happens"?-An Answer of sorts
Date: 23 Nov 92 01:07:12 GMT
Organization: The Corporation.

In article <00963FCB.8E18CF60@Msu.oscs.montana.edu>, oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
> In article <1992Nov20.154724.12183@bsu-ucs>, 01ksdavis@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu (Rebel without a clue.) writes:
>>In article <BxvBr5.GD0@acsu.buffalo.edu>, v119qkv2@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (POE) writes:
>>> 
>>> Does it just happen or do you have to make it happen?  etc.
> 
> C'mon gang, how do you *make* someone fall in love with you?

	I personally never said you did.  However, there are certain actions
that one must take before finding somebody to share their love with. Among
these are, getting up, taking a shower (couldn't hurt), putting on some
clothes, and going someplace where you can meet potential people to fit this
category.

> As far as I know, it can't be done.  Sad but true.

	Forcing somebody to love you cannot be done.  It really doesn't need to
be said that this is wrong.  

	What I thought the question meant, was, do you have to work at
attaining love?  I believe you do.  The thing that makes it difficult is the
fact that even if you do everything "right" the other person still has to have
enough interest in you that could or could not eventually develop into love.

	Just my $.02
-- 

 ______________________________________________________________________________
|Kyle S. Davis 
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: sethb@fid.morgan.com (Seth Breidbart)
Subject: Re: net.hugs? (apology)
Organization: my opinions only
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 1992 00:46:42 GMT

In article <1992Nov23.160420.8297@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
jjd1@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (james.j.dutton) writes:
In article <5=31hhf@rpi.edu> petitc@rpi.edu writes:
>
>>  Ok.  I am very sorry that I am an annoying little pain in the ass with no
>>social life and very few friends.  Also, I am sorry that I accused people and
>>flamed without reason.  Yes, I get no caring from people, so I have to take
>>whatever I get.
>>
>>  I HAVE NO ****ING LIFE!! OK!! YOU HAPPY?!?
>>
>>  You are much better than I---I am a wuss who should be shot, if murder were
>>legal.
> 
>Attention please. Anyone near the vicinity of Chris, please remove all
>sharp objects.
> 
>
>Here's a big soc.singles kiss and hug. *kiss* *hug*
> 
>Now doesn't that feel better. We were only kiddin. All we do is kiss
>and hug. All the time. No shit.

(Well, we sometimes play poker.)  But we prefer to kiss and hug in
person.  Try it; you might even enjoy it.

Seth		sethb@fid.morgan.com
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Subject: Re: wish me luck
Reply-To: oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Organization: Montana State University
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 20:05:49 GMT

In article <LABTB4FX@cc.swarthmore.edu>, chorwit1@cc.swarthmore.edu (Cathy Horwitz) writes:
>interested in someone.  I don't know his name or anything about him.  There
>is little chance that I will meet him if I don't approach him.

I'm in a similar situation, so I'll pitch a couple pennies, here.  Cutesy isn't
going to do it.  You said it yourself--you have to *approach* him. 
Relationships are built on talk, talk, and more talk.  I'm not an expert, since
I can't seem to get beyond hello's, but this is what I've been told.

On the other hand, if notes work for you, let me know--maybe I'm wrong.
I'm tired of waiting for Opportunity, and may have to make my own.  :)

Cheryl

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews)
Subject: please help me find anony...
Organization: CSIRO Division of Mathematics and Statistics, Australia
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 08:39:36 GMT

Sorry to post to the group, but I tried private email, and it
'bounced'

Would "anonymus+2278@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu" please contact
me by email (Sorry, I don't even know your real name!)

We discussed your trip to Calif to meet your net.SO last week...

thanx...
s

-- 
  "Two to the power of one hundred thousand to one against.
    That's pretty improbable you know" (Ford Prefect)

"I do not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death
 for your right to say it" (Voltaire)
################################################################################
Stuart Andrews (stuarta@syd.dms.csiro.au)
Opinions posted here are mine and do not necessarily comply with those of CSIRO
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: jjd1@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (james.j.dutton)
Subject: Re: net.hugs?
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: na
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 14:17:00 GMT

In article <64z158_@rpi.edu> petitc@rpi.edu writes:
>
>  Yes, there is a difference.  However, to some of us, when we get dumped by
>someone we care for, it HURTS.  Apparently, this is not true for you---since
>this is for romantics (people who care deeply for others), it really hurts to
>get dumped---moreso than for non-romantics.
 
:'-(
 
>What about dreams, mister?  Maybe we can't get every dream to come to life, but
>does that mean we should all just shut up and accept 'the way it is?'  Without
>dreams to strive for, we'd still be living in caves.
 
:'-(
 
>  No, but you ARE saying that other people mean very little to you, since you
>can't be hurt by them.  Psychological invunerability is only possible if 
>nobody means anything to you, which seems to be the case here, if you insist
>that you can't get hurt.
 
:'-(
 
>
>  Well, as I said before, there are SOME TIMES when we all need hugs.  And,
>apparently, your dates/SO mean nothing to you, so you can't be hurt by them.
 
Oh God. :'-(
 
>
>-- 
> *HUGS*, a @>---'--,----, and a :&) to whoever needs them.
>"Whoever said that life was fair never read the rules, and found out that
>there were none."
>"Mysteries are for detectives; confusion is what the rest of us get."

I'll be OK just give me a minute.
 
================================================================================
 Ipsissimus of the Inner Order of Sesquipedalian Fruitcakes 
 Sesquipedalian's 'R' Us. ZX-10. DoD#564. There ain't no more.
================================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance