From: hyler@ast.saic.com (Buffy Hyler)
Subject: Re: Examples for discussion (was Re: Plain Tal
Reply-To: hyler@ast.saic.com
Organization: SAIC
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 18:43:42 GMT

In article 2222640@locus.com, judy@locus.com (Judy Leedom Tyrer) writes:
>I've gotten several replies asking that I share the information from our
>Parenting class.  Here's three scenarios.  The object is to think up
>logical consequences for the behavior of the child.  The important ingredient
>to logical consequences is that you must be just as content to allow the
>consequences to happen as the behavior.  The idea is instilling in your
>children the ability to learn to choose appropriate behavior.  
>
>----
>
>"You tell your 6 YO that you need to vacuum the floor and he needs to pick
>up his toys.  An hour later and the toys are not picked up."
>
>I particularly liked this one because one of the obvious answers (vacuum up
>the toys) won't work for me.  You see, I really care about my kids toys.  I
>like to find all the little pieces to a toy and make sure that they are all
>there (or search the house and yard for them).  So I would not be just as
>content to allow the consequences to happen.  I would be really upset if I
>vacuumed up or threw away my kids toys.  I would not allow him the 
>responsibility if that were the consequence.
>

David is 5.5 years old:
This has always been an easy one.  We put a fairly lenient time limit
on the cleanup request (like "before bedtime" early in the afternoon)
and then give him a reasonable warning bell (depends on how much there
is to clean).  After that, we start picking up and put them into a box
which he cannot have for 1-2 weeks.  If he really has an attitude about
it (like "you pick up the legos, I don't want to play with them for
awhile anyway"), we'll change the time put away to a month.  So far, so
good.  We haven't had to put away any of his toys we requested him to
pick up.  BUT!!!, he still will not voluntarily clean up after himself!
:-(


>-----
>And here's one from one of the class members himself:
>
>"Your 4 year old forgets to flush the toilet.  This is one of your pet
>peeves and you really cannot allow it to continue."
>
>The second sentence here was important because my 4 YO forgets to flush
>the toilet and it really doesn't bother me, I just flush it myself. But
>this father just cannot stand it when his daughter forgets.  And, parents
>have rights in their own homes.
>
We finally got this one fixed.  I put 4 quarters on the top of the tank.
During a one week period Mom or Dad got to take 1 quarter away every
time we had to flush for him.  If we didn't have to flush then he got
to keep the quarters on Saturday and we would start over for the next
week.  He loved this and would laughingly announce "I flushed the potty"
each time he went.  We never, ever got to take away a quarter.  About
one month later we just let it die out and the habit held.  (One of
my better success stories!!!! :-)  BTW, this was when he was about 3.5
years old.  I think part of the success was the visual reminder of the
quarters on top of the tank.

>-----
>"Your 15 year old is supposed to be home at 8 PM.  It is now 10 PM and 
>and your child comes sauntering into the house."
>
I've got 10 more years to figure this one out! :-)

>This was at the end of the sheet and we didn't get a chance to talk about
>it yet.  Ideas?


---
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Buffy Hyler (hyler@ast.saic.com)
SAIC, Campus Point
San Diego, California
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Newsgroups: misc.kids