From: moh2@quads.uchicago.edu (Kateri/Mary Anne)
Newsgroups: alt.culture.us.asian-indian
Subject: Re: To marry (Indian) or not?
Date: 4 Oct 92 23:38:42 GMT
Reply-To: moh2@midway.uchicago.edu
Organization: University of Chicago Computing Organizations

In article <1992Oct3.154700.29073@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu> baindur@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu (Satyen G Baindur) writes:

>The choices people make are rarely independent of the social and 
>cultural preferences and prejudices of the host society. I do not 
>disagree that Indian society is unfair to women in a lot of ways, 
>and that many Indian men harbor sexist attitudes consciously or 
>unconsciously. But can anyone make the case for me that American 
>men, on the whole, are any less sexist ? 

American men may be just as sexist as Indian men....but we have a
*lot* more American men to choose from....by more than a factor of
1000 to 1.  The odds of finding a non-sexist guy are just much higher
if you're dating Americans.

>It is possible, on the 
>other hand, to argue that the Indian men who come over from India 
>to study/settle here are from a stratum of society that is more 
>liberal in its attitudes toward/about women, and that these men 
>are not as sexist as are American men taken as an entirety. 

You can argue it, but from my experience, it's not true.  They may see
themselves as open-minded.  In fact, they may even be open-minded by
Indian standards, but they often don't hold up to my standards.  Of
course, once again this is a gross generalization and there are
exceptions to everything.

>Similarly,
>Indian men brought up here are quite likely to be empathetic to 
>the feelings and aspirations of women on account of their own 
>automatic lower status.

What automatic lower status?  I have always been treated as an
American, which I am.  While I realize that in some areas of the
country Indians are more subject to racial prejudice, this is
certainly not true everywhere.

>So, the question is, if Indian women end up, presumably, finding 
>non-sexist American men to date/marry - these are exceptions to the 
>rule among American men ! Why won't Indian women bother to look for 
>the exceptions to the rule among Indian men, who would be more common, 
>especially here in the US ? 

Because there are far fewer of them.  And while you might reasonably
expect II women to have more in common with II men, the whole point of
the IA classification is that in large part we *are* Americans.  As an
American, there is *no* reason to prefer one race over another, so why
should we go out of our way to date Indians when there are so few of
them compared to other Americans?

>The answer to sexism in the Indian community cannot be the practice 
>of a reverse sexism mixed with racism, which is what the preference 
>of Indian women for non-Indian spouses amounts to, in the final 
>analysis. 

Reverse sexism???

I'll grant that refusing to deal with Indian men can be seen as
racism, but all I'm saying is that Indian men have given my friends
and I no reasons to go out of our way to date them.

>My sense is that women are deluding themselves if they 
>believe that American men are not sexist or that American society
>is yet free of institutionalized discrimination against women.
>If they wish to leverage their 'exotic' status to their advantage, 
>or use the idea that American men are less sexist as a mask for 
>self-hatred, well ... I suppose that is their right.

Self-hatred?  Where are you getting the impression that self-hatred
has anything to do with who you choose to date?

> -- Satyen

 - Amirthi (who is getting more and more bewildered by all this)


-- 
The autumn leaves are falling like rain.
Although my neighbors are all barbarians,
And you, you are a thousand miles away,
There are always two cups at my table.		 - A T'ang Dynasty poem
Newsgroups: alt.culture.us.asian-indian