From: mrapple@quack.sac.ca.us (Nick Sayer)
Subject: The not-so-official Ren & Stimpy Episode Guide
Organization: The Duck Pond public unix: +1 408 249 9630, log in as 'guest'.
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 12:30:07 GMT
Expires: 15 Sep 1992 12:30:08 UTC

The not-so-official Ren & Stimpy Episode Guide

This episode guide doesn't list all the episodes, rather all the components
that seem to be arranged in random pairs to make a half-hour show.
Though the component arrangements don't shift around, they aren't
logically connected either, except for the connection between
"Untamed World" and the "Crock-o-stimpy" WWDTT, and "Stimpy's Big
Day" and "The Big Shot".

Season 1:

Long stuff: Each of these is about 7 minutes.

Big House Blues
  The characters are introduced, then run over and scraped up by the
  dog catcher.  They spend the night in the pound and Ren is rescued
  by a little girl the next morning (who mistakes him for a poodle
  after Stimpy coughed up a hairball on him).  Ren won't go, though,
  unless Stimpy comes too.

The Boy Who Cried "Rat"
  After rummaging through a dumpster for some food, Ren has an idea
  how they can make a dishonest living ("WORK?! Have you lost your
  MIND?!").  Ren sneaks into a house and cuts into the wall.  Stimpy
  arrives the next morning bearing the title "Professional Mouse Catcher"
  and chases Ren (throwing himself into the role, complete with Mickey
  ears and sound effects ["Squeak! Squeak, I tell you! Squeak!"]) around
  the house.

Fire Dogs
  Our heroes are down to Stimpy's last grain of litter, so they have
  to find jobs.  They see a poster indicating positions open for
  fire dogs (dalmations only).  Ren grabs a can of "Dalmation Paint"
  ("What do you see, Stimpy?" "Ugly black spots." "Good! Now shut
  up and look stupid!") and they're hired.  They go on a call and
  become heroes.

Nurse Stimpy
  Ren gets sick and Stimpy has to nurse him back to health.  Stimpy gives
  him a complete examination and makes him take some "All Purpose Icky
  Tasting Medicine".  A few months later, Ren makes a miraculous recovery,
  but now Stimpy's sick!  As Ren says, "Now it's MY turn!!"

Stimpy's Big Day
The Big Shot (part 2 of SBD)
  Stimpy enters a TV contest for Gritty Kitty Litter against Ren's advice.
  To Ren's surprise, Stimpy wins $47,000,000 and is driven off to Hollywood
  to guest star on the "Muddy Mudskipper Show".  Ren is jealous, but after
  a few weeks finds he's missing Stimpy (despite seeing him on every
  channel on the TV).  Some good cartoon spoofs (The Jetsons, Yogi Bear,
  and Popeye among others).

Stimpy's Invention
   Stimpy invents lots of silly things and has Ren try them out. Ren is
   not happy with these inventions, so Stimpy makes a "Happy Helmet"
   to make sure Ren is never unhappy again. The result is even more psychotic
   than "Space Madness." Includes the now-famous "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song.

Untamed World
  Vicious and excellent spoof of "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom".
  [Reports from Spumco state that this one was called "Nature Show"
  internally]

Captain Hoek and Cadet Stimpy:
   Black Hole
     Their space ship is sucked into a black hole. They wander around
     on a strange planet therein which has a mutating effect on them,
     discover the universe's repository for missing left socks,
     and miss the bus back to Jersey City. Could this be the end?

   Space Madness
     Our heroes are on a ridiculously long (36 year) space voyage.  Being
     stuck in a spaceship with Stimpy could drive just about anyone nuts,
     but Ren totally loses it.  He ends up assigning Stimpy to guard the
     'History Eraser Button' with strict orders not to press it.  Of course
     Stimpy's curiosity (not to mention a pushy announcer) gets the better
     of him. Could this be the end?

   Marooned
     Their spaceship is in trouble!  It crashes on an alien planet and the
     boys have to rough it.  More in the series of most excellent Star Trek
     swipes they started in "Space Madness" ("Interesting." "What is it?"
     "This thing [tricorder] makes some really cool noises!") They end
     up being eaten by alien plant life. Could _THIS_ be the end?

Stimpy's Storybook Land:
  Ren and Stimpy get ready for bed-time, but Stimpy can't go to sleep without
  a story. Ren 'suggests' that he read it himself, but since Stimpy Can't Read,
  he has to make it up as he goes along.  In the meantime, Ren dreams the
  story Stimpy narrates, and gets the worse of it.

   Robin Hoek
     Ren as Robin Hood, Stimpy as everyone else.

   The Littlest Giant
     Stimpy is the littlest giant in Hugevania.  The other big, mean giants
     constantly abuse him (including perhaps the rawest wedgie ever shown on
     television), so he runs away.  He happens upon Farmer Ren in Thumbsville,
     who is suffering from the drout hitting his town.  Stimpy's tears fill
     the well and Ren agrees to do anything for his new, big friend.  Well,
     almost anything.

Short Stuff:
  In addition to two of the above 'long' pieces, an episode will typically
  contain two of these. They're about 30 seconds long:

   ad: High Fashion Log for Girls
	 Log For Girls with clothes.

   ad: Little Brother
         More "Blam-o" toys. Do something naughty and pull his
         string - "I did it. You're the best sister ever."

   ad: Log
         Includes an excellent spoof of the Slinky song.

   ad: Log For Girls
         A log with makeup and hair you can comb.

   ad: Powdered Toast
         A breakfast treat with a superhero spokesman.

   Stimpy's Breakfast Tip
         What do you do with a box of cereal with a prize at the bottom?

   The Oath
	 "Thousands of miles below the earth's crust," there is a secret
	 lair where R&S hang out. While we're down there, Ren
	 administers the Ren & Stimpy club's now famous oath.

   Yak Shaving Day
         A funky holiday indeed.

   Ask Dr. Stupid:
         Just like it sounds. There are two of these so far:
		Why School?
		One Hump or Two?

   What'll We Do 'till Then?:
         Used to end the show. Ren is saying 'goodbye' to the audience
         and Stimpy is worried about what they'll do in the meantime.
         There are four of them:
		Chase Your Tail Until You're Dizzy
		Kitty Litter
		Magic Nose Goblins
		Play 'Horsey' With Croc-o-Stimpy

Season 2:

Long stuff: Each of these is about 7 minutes.

In the Army
  Our boys are somehow drafted into the army. They go through
  induction and then meet their drill sergeant. They spend
  most of their time peeling things... Happy happy happy...
  peel peel peel... Almost as psychotic in points as
  Space Madness.

Powdered Toast Man
  We had the briefest glimpse in the first season. Now we get a
  day in the life... He saves a kitty, the pope, R&S, the
  President, and the U.S. Constitution, sort of.
  Guest stars Gary Ownes as PTM and Frank Zappa as the Pope.

Ren's Toothache
  Ren learns about oral hygiene the hard way when all his teeth
  fall out and even the Tooth Beaver rejects his stinky orafice.
  All works out ok in the end though, thanks to Stimpy.

Out West
  Ren & Stimpy are desperate horse theves in search of a hangin'
  at the hands of the stupidest sheriff in the west. Includes
  'The Hangin' Song'.

Rubber Nipple Salesmen
  Ren & Stimpy are, well, Rubber Nipple Salesmen. Stimpy invented
  them, of course, but he "can't sell anything! [He] can't even
  whizz by [him]self." The circus-midget hating fireman is back,
  of course, along with a strangely psychotic Mr. Horse, and
  Mr. & Mrs. Pipe, who get to experience the thousand-and-one
  uses of rubber nipples. Stimpy gets perhaps the most loaded line
  in the whole season.

Short Stuff:

   ad: Sugar Frosted Milk
         Another breakfast treat. Four ounces of SFM and six ounces
	 of cereal make a well-balanced breakfast.

   ad: New Log products
	 A gaggle of new Log products to oogle at. From Blammo.
	 Batteries not included.

   Ask Dr. Stupid
	 What have you bean?

We have also seen reruns of the following in Season II episodes:

Big House Blues (still expurgated, of course)

The Oath
ad: Log For Girls