From: dechc00@tohi.DMI.USherb.CA (CHRISTIAN DECHAMPLAIN)
Subject: american beer
Organization: Universite de Sherbrooke -- departement de Mathematiques et
	d'Informatique
Distribution: usa
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 1992 09:04:50 GMT


This summer we had a convetion in Montreal (Canada).  It still was an american
convention because it was the first one outside USA, and the organizers were
all american.  If you care to know, it was an IJA convention.  So there were
a couple of parties at this convention.  And there comes this women asking
me in english (yes, I am francophone): "Could you help us carry the beer for
the party".  No problem, I said, happy to be the first one to open the first
beer of the night.  When I saw the cases all aligned in the room, I felt so
happy, but not until I could read them (I didn't have my glasses).  It was all
Coors, Budweiser and Miller along with their light versions.  And then I heard
this fat guy scream: "Yeah!, American beer!".  I wanted to cry, I was so
thirsty and all I had to drink was pseudo-american piss.  I say pseudo, because
even you Americans might find this stuff better because it is brewed by Molson-
O'keefe and Labatt.  And it has a little more alcoohol by volume than real
american beer.  The fat guy was drunk after three bottles, not used to 5% beer
(I should have told him to drink the light stuff, it would have been easier on
him).  So I chose the Miller, because I thought the BBO (bottom bottle opener)
was quite cool.  But there were no fucking BBO on the fucking bottle, why did
they stop the BBO, it was the only cool thing about American beer.  By the way
never drink an American beer while it is not cool, because that way you have
more chances to think about piss.  I still managed to get drunk, closing my
eyes and nose with every sip (you have to know the beer was free).  Another
reason I hate American beer, is because they first started selling penis-
shaped bottles (long necks), what was the problem with tit-shaped bottles
(short necks).  Could someone explain this to me?  I know that they got to
sell more beer to women this way, but come on.  What's next, the ass-shaped
can (isn't it cunt shaped right now)?  A while ago, one of my friends who
went to the states told me how boring the beer-drinking was, because they
never could get drunk.  I have heard that regular (not light) American beer,
had about 3.5% to 4% alcoohol/volume.  How could you guys ever get drunk with
light beer (I've heard americans say: "A six of Coors light and I'm drunk").
My friend had some left-over Miller's genuine draft cans.  I was happy to try
it because we didn't have the genuine in Canada back then.  I first tasted the
stuff, then I tried to find the alcoohol rating, but could'nt.  I figured it
was beer mixed with genuine water because it was so disgusting.  I could'nt
finish the can.  But tonight there was a promotion for the new genuine draft
from Miller (brewed by Molson-O'keefe).  It's been available in canada for
a couple of weeks.  The price was low, so I had a couple.  The stuff was
actually drinkable.  What's the problem with american beer?  Even our Canadian
versions of your beer is better.  Why do your brewers have to put piss stuff
into penis-shaped containers?  Budweiser is dying, Miller is almost dead and
Coors is dead, but why do your brewers have to fucking come here and buy all
the publicity and fucking annoy us with a fucking new genuine fucking draft.
What's the problem with draft on tap, do we have to put it in cans now.  Now
I ask for a draft at a bar and the barman has to ask me if I want it in a
bottle.  Who cares if it is cold filtered, why is it filtered anyways?