From: rdippold@qualcom.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: 1800 Tag File Part II
Date: 8 Oct 92 19:17:50 GMT
Organization: Qualcomm, Inc., San Diego, CA

It's 1800tags.txt at wuarchive, btw...


M.A.D.D.:  Midgets Against Desk Drawers.
MASTURBATION...the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT.
Macho does not prove Mucho.
Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Make it do ... Or do without.
Make like a Tom and Cruise.
Make like a bottom and split.
Make like a drum and beat it!
Make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here.
Make like a tree and leave.
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
Man has his will.  Woman has her won't!
Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain.
Man who get hit by car,get that run down feeling
Man with atletic finger make broad jump.
Marching to a different kettle of fish.
Marilyn Monroe?  A vacuum with nipples.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Marriage?  Sorry, I can't mate in captivity.
Marry your mistress, create a job vacancy.
Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so.
Mary had a little lamb, a little beef, a little ham.
Master Baiter
Mastermind specialist subject - the bleedin' obvious..
Masturbation is coming unscrewed.
Math is the language God used to write the universe.
Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
May the Porsche be with you.
May you live in interesting times.
May your life be filled with experiences.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Me know gammar.  Me cood use it gud.
Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve it's dignity
Megabyte: A nine course dinner.
Memory is a thing we forget with.
Men play the game; women know the score.
Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence
Microfiche: Sardines.
Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties
Mind if I rape your daughter
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
Modem sex begins with a handshake.
Modem sex, the next best thing to being there.
Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns.
Modems.....reach out and BYTE someone!
Mondays are the potholes in the road of life
Money is the root of all wealth.
Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.
Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Most gays have heterosexual parents.
Most of us have been at work for several hours now.
Mother Nature is a bitch.
Mother is the invention of necessity.
Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
Multitasking causes schizophrenia.
Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom
Murphy is out there... waiting...
Murphy was an optimist.
Must Go - My Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened.
My Go  amn keyboar   oesn't have any  's!
My God can beat up YOUR god...
My I.U.D. picks up Radio Windy.
My RAM's not what it used to be, so don't quote me.
My best friend is a social worker.
My computer has a terminal illness
My computer puts out.
My computer's sick, I think my modem's a carrier
My couch potato routine honed to perfection
My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies.
My foolish parents taught me to read and write.
My hat covers my head... Just like hair used to!
My head is sore, and there's a hole in the brick wall!
My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours.
My karma ran over my dogma
My kingdom for a beer; half my beer for a woman.
My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring
My lord, I have a cunning plan...
My lucky colour just faded.
My message above.  Your response here ____________.
My modem can beat up your modem.
My other car is a broom!
My other computer is a abacus.
My tagline can beat up your tagline!
My weight is perfect for my height... which varies.
NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing.
NO MORE BU__ SH__
NUMBER CRUNCHING:  Jumping on a Computer.
Naaah, real men don't read docs.
Nanosecond: Mork's stunt man.
Neil Armstrong tripped.
Neurotic: Self-taut person.
Never argue with a woman when she's tired, or rested.
Never assume.  It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
Never before have so few puked so much on so many.
Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you
Never eat yellow snow!
Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
Never go with the odds
Never hit a man with glasses.  Use your fist!
Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.
Never mind the facts - I know what I know.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Never shove your granny while she's shaving.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
New Highway gets Railroaded.
Newsbytes - Microsoft announce EDLIN for Windows.
Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!!
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
Nil taurus excretum.  No El Toro Poopoo either!
Ninety per cent of everything is crap.
Nitpicking:  Not just a hobby, it's a way of life!
Nitrate:  Lower than the day rate.
No free lunch in an ecosystem.
No matter what they SAY, size IS important!
No matter where you go, there you are.
No sense being pessimistic.  It wouldn't work anyway.
No wanna work... wanna bang on keyboard!
No, I'm from NZ. I only work in Outer Space.
No?!  Some people still read mail a packet at a time?!
Nodding the head does not row the boat.
None of you exist, my sysop types all this in.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Not many people realise just how well known I am.
Not quite human any longer.
Not tonight honey... I have a modem
Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious
Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason
Nothing recedes like success.
Nothing succeeds like excess.
Nothing this evil EVER dies!
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
Now is not a good time to annoy me
Now is the time for all good men to come to.
Now where did I put that rubber doll?
Nudist Camp sign - Sorry, Clothed for Winter.
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
Nuke the baby seals for Jesus
OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
ORG.ASM Not Found.  Wife not happy!
OS/2 - Not just another pretty program loader!
OS/2 - Windows with bullet-proof glass.
OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
OUCH! Got my floppy caught in my PKZipper!
OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER!
Objection, your Honour! My client is an idiot!
Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder
Objects in taglines are closer than they appear.
Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection.
Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Oh goody! Another Muranium Explosive Space Modulator!
Oh no you don't!  Your not stealing this one!
Oh no, not another learning experience!
Oh yeah? Well, beam *THIS* up, pal!
Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC
Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O
On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7.
On an electrician's truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts
On the other hand, you also have 5 fingers.
On the unlabeled disk? HELL they're all unlabeled!
Once I thought I was wrong - but I was mistaken
One atom bomb can really ruin your day.
One good turn gets most of the blanket.
One in Kate Bush is worth two in the Hand.
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do...
One legged girls are pushovers.
One man's Windows are another man's walls.
One man's meat is another's editor
One man's upload is another man's download
One night I came home very late. It was the next night
One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip...
Only God can make random selections.
Only a wimpy God can't get it right the first time!
Only cosmetologists give make-up exams.
Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Chew Carefully.
Open mouth. Insert Foot. Echo internationally.
Open your drive door, honey.
Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo!
Optimization hinders evolution.
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees!
Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated.
Oxymoron - Definite possibility
Oxymoron - Military Intelligence
Oxymoron: Bosnian Cease-Fire
Oxymoron: Soviet Union.
PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks.
PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs
PIMP: a fornicaterer.
PKZip - it's not just for downloads anymore
PMS- Presentation Manager Syndrome.
Pagan Missionary
Pagan and Proud
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Palindrome isn't one.
Pandemonium doesn't reign here... It pours!
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload.
Pascal:  What's it Wirth?
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of WAIT!
Peace through superior firepower.
Peanuts: The Drinking Man's Filter.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't!
People will die this year that never died before
Permission for lip to wobble, Sir?
Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Milionaire, Skipper & Gilligan.
Pet Store: "Buy one, get one flea."
Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago.
Photographers do it in dark rooms.
Pi R squared.  Nooo!  Pie R round, cornbread R square!
Pizza IS the four food groups!
Plagerism is the sincerest form of flattery.
Plagiarism prohibited, derive carefully.
Please don't drink and post.
Please don't filter this twit
Pobody's Nerfect!
Poets go from bad to verse
Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore.
Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia.
Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Pornography? We don't even have a pornograph!
Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Power corrupts, but we need electricity.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Praise the lord and pass the ammunition.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Predicting the future of technology is fraud with peril!
Prepare to meet thy GOD! (Evening dress optional)
Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DELETE> to continue.
Press all the keys at once to continue...
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Procrastination:  The art of keeping up with yesterday.
Programmers do it in loops.
Programmers get overlaid!
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Prosecutors will be violated
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
Psychologists only do it if they feel good about it
Push any key. Then push the any other key.
Push the limit, and the limit will move away!
Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something.
Queen Elizabeth rules, UK?
Question Authority, ask me anything
RAID Antivirus - Kills Virus's DEAD!!!
REALITY.DAT not found. Press any key to reset Universe.
REALITY.SYS Corrupted - Unable To Recover Universe
REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/Q)
RECOVER.COM: a little slice of hell
RESTORE A: C:\VIRGINITY\*.* /S
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Radioactive halibut will make fission chips.
Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party
Rap music is Oxymoron
Read what I mean, not what I write.
Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's.
Real men don't set for stun.
Real men write self-modifying code.
Reality Is An Illusion Caused By Lack Of Acid
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
Really ??  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive
Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned.
Redundancy: A Politician with an airbag in his car.
Refuse Novocain...Transcend Dental Medication!
Regal Lager, It's not just a beer... It's a palendrome!
Religion ... is the opium of the masses.
Remeber when safe sex meant not getting caught?
Remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
Reputation:  what others are not thinking about you.
Resistance Is Useless!   (If < 1 ohm)
Return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush()));
Reuseable Condoms: Just shake the fuck out of them.
Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow.
Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals.
Richard Nixon means never having to say you're sorry
Roses are red, Violet's are blue, And mine are white.
Roses are red, and violets are too expensive for you.
Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens
Round up the usual suspects!
Round, round, get around. I've gotten round!
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Rugby is played by men with odd-shaped balls!
Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home!
SCUD : Sure Could Use Directions
SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut.
STICK: A boomerang that doesn't work.
STRING space corrupt?  But I always use TAPE!
STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP!  Park elsewhere!
SUSHIDO   the way of the tuna
SYNTAX?  Why not--they tax everything else!
SYSOP's read minds.  But QWKly, very, very QWKly!
Saddam eats his Kurds
Sarcasm: barbed ire.
Save a whale, harpoon a fat person.
Save energy: be apathetic.
Save fuel.  Get cremated with a friend.
Save the whales!  Trade them for valuable prizes!
Save your money for a rainy day, or a new computer!
Say it with flowers - Give her a triffid.
Say yer prayers, y' flea-bitten' varmint.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Schizophrenia rules.  OK.  OK.
Science asks why.  I ask why not.
Science: preconception meeting verification.
Scientists discover life causes cancer.
Scrute the inscrutable, eff the ineffable.
See how you can be?
Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing.
Send lawyers, guns, & money...
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
Serfs up! - Spartacus
Serving the scum of Paris for over 300 years
Set mode=Extremely verbose
Sex is only a pain in the arse if you miss
Sex on TV can't hurt you unless you fall off!
Sex, Sex, Sex... the pleasure of having a 1 track mind.
Sex: the most fun you can have without laughing.
Sexual Harrasment starts at the office.
Shareware author dies:  .GIF at eleven!
She is blonde/tall/beautiful, and as a Z80 for a brain
She was another one of his near Mrs.
Shell to DOS... come in DOS... Do you copy?
Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark..
Short people are vertically challenged.
Should I or shouldn't I?... Too late, I did!
Should I weed the lawn or say it's a garden?
Sign here please:_______________________Thanks
Sign on Closed Nuclear Power Plant... "Gone Fission"
Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit.
Signito ergo sum - I sign therefore I am.
Silvester Stallone: father of the RISC concept.
Simon says: don't be so suggestible.
Sit down, you're rocking the boat!
Six of one, 110 (base 2) of another.
Skating away on the thin ice of a new day.
Slit your wrists - it will lower your blood pressure.
Slower Traffic Keep Right  -  Is that so difficult?
Slug Sautee: a hors of a different d'oeuvre.
Small changes pick up the reins from nowhere.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue
Smile if you are Jesus
Smiley faces were meant to be annoying.
Smoking is a leading cause of statistics.
Smurf exterminator.
So dry & yet so wet.
So many bytes, so few cps.
So many damsels, so little time
So many lawyers, so few bullets.
So many toys, so little time...
So much time, and so little to do.
Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty.
Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software.
Software means never having to say you're finished
Some days you're a bug, some days you're a windshield.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant!
Some days, nothing goes left.
Some people are afraid of heights.I'm afraid of widths
Some people are so nice to be nasty to.
Some things have got to be believed to be seen.
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
Something is rotten in the state of confusion.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Sometimes they just grow, and grow, and grow...
Sorry about your Rectocranial Inversion.
Sorry, my english is not very good. No punt intended.
Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so.
Space is big.  Really big.
Speaking only for myself, one of my many tricks.
Spell chequers dew knot work write.
Spelling problems? use "error-correcting" modems!
Spice is the variety of life.
Squeeze my Lemon, till the juice runs down my leg...
Stamp out philately!
Stand on the toilet, get high on pot.
Standing there making a sitting target of himself.
Steal my cash, car and TV - but leave the computer!
Stealth condoms: she'll never even see you coming...
Sterility is hereditary.
Strike any user when ready.
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
Stroking a furry pussy will get you scratched.
Subvert the dominant paradigm!
Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism.
Sumo Wrestling: survival of the fattest.
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius
Supernovae are a Blast
Support the helpless victims of computers.
Surprise your boss.  Get to work on time.
Swish, two, three, four!  Swish, two, three, four!
System Crash  (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules
THIS definitely takes, eats and shits the cake.
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Tact: knowing how far to go too far.
Tact: making a point without making an enemy.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand.
Tampons $1 a dozen! No strings attatched!
Taurus Excretum Ad Infinitum....
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Teamwork is essential. It gives them another target.
Techno Pagan.
Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
Terminator bumpersticker: I TIME TRAVEL NAKED.
Texas Toilet paper, it don't take s**t off anyone.
Thank you very little.
That ain't so good English!
That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
That that is is not that that is not.
That was ZEN -- this is TAO
That'll be $67.50  CCCHHHHHIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!!
That's inches away from being millimetre perfect.
The 11th COMMANDMENT - Thou shalt not be a smartass!
The Czech's in the mail. Sending Frenchman by FAX.
The French defence isn't...
The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry!
The Lab called,..... Your brain is ready!
The Official Offline Reader of The Lunatic Fringe!
The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain
The Universe is a big place... perhaps the biggest
The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it.
The ballot is stronger than the bullet.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
The best substitute for experience is being sixteen.
The best way to accelerate a Mac is at -9.8 m/s}
The best way to keep friends is not to give them away.
The best way to win an argument is to be right.
The buck doesn't even slow down here!
The cause of problems are solutions!
The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up!
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
The cream rises to the top.  So does the scum...
The dentist said my wisdom teeth were retarded.
The dog ate my .REP packet.
The dreadful burden of having nothing to do.
The drunker I sit here, The longer I get.
The first blonde is the cheapest.
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with i
The first myth of management is that it exists.
The fish that escaped is the big one.
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
The further I go, the behinder I get.
The game's a little bit wide open again.
The gene pool has no lifeguard.
The hangman let us down.
The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar.
The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.
The little engineer that could
The margin is very marginal.
The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's OK with you
The mind is like a parachute - it works only when open.
The moral majority is neither.
The patient's taken a turn for the nurse.
The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law.
The pendulum has gone full circle.
The polls show 8 out of 5 schizophrenics agree!
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
The rich get richer; the poor get babies.
The road to success is always under construction.
The score didn't really reflect the outcome.
The shortest distance between two points is off the wal
The simple explanation always follows the complex souti
The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep's sick.
The superfluous is very necessary.
The thrill is gone, the thrill is gone baby
The unnatural, that too is natural.
The vine Jane! No the vine! aaiiieeeee...
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
The whole world is about three drinks behind
The world is coming to an end.  Please log off.
The world is so big and so global now.
The worst day's fishing is better than the best day's w
Then do the pelvic thrust.
Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream....
There are 2 ways to handle women and I know neither.
There are many things I could say...
There are no atheists in the foxholes.
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
There is much Obiwan did not tell you.
There is no God! He just thinks he's there!
There is no dark side of the moon.  Really.
There is no remedy for fun but more fun!
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
There is something to be said about me: "Wow!!"
There will be no last bus tonight.
There's a hot place with pitchforks waiting.
There's no future in time travel
There's one in every car... You'll see.
There's safety in numbers/When you learn to divide.
They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
Think "HONK" if you're a telepath
This is abuse.  Arguments are down the hall.
This isn't hell, but I can see it from here.
This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong.
This line intentionally left unjustified.
This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
This message was typed on recycled phosphorous.
This mind intentionally left blank.
This phone is baroque; please call Bach later.
This program makes me look like a genius.
This tagline is SHAREWARE!  To Register, send me $10.
This tagline was created from many little letters.
Those who can't write, write manuals.
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, supervise!
Those who live by the nit, die by the nit
Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
Tie a yellow ribbon around Jane Fonda's neck..
Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM!
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
Time flies like an arrow - Fruit flies like a banana
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
Tis better to be hunter than hunted.
Tis better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition
To all virgins.  Thanks for nothing
To be or Not is the Result!
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs.
To do nothing is also a good remedy.
To eat is human, to digest, divine.
To err is human, to eat Jello, is messy.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.
To err is human. To moo bovine
To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer!
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
To me personally, it's nothing personal to me.
Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday.
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
Todays subliminal message is "        "
Tolkien is hobbit-forming.
Too bad stupidity isn't painful.
Too much month at the end of the money.
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
Took an hour to bury the cat. Silly thing kept moving.
Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...
Touch if you must, Pay up if you bust.
Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell.
Trees hit cars only in self-defence.
Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again!
Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes!
Trust me -- I'm a Lawyer.
Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo
Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question!
Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right!
Turning floppies into hard drives.
Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do.
Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom Boom.
Two is company, three is an orgy.
Two peanuts went to New York. One was assaulted.
Two seals fell off a cliff.  Arf Arf
Two's company, three's the result.
Typographers rule, OQ
Tyre Shop sign - We Skid You Not.
UART what UEAT!
UFO's are real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
Ultimate Question Research Team
Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!
Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.
Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone.
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool
Use DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.
Useless as windshield wipers on a duck's ass.
Users, losers -- what's the difference?
VD is nothing to clap about.
VLSI:  "Getting High On Low Voltage"
Variables won't; constants aren't.
Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
Veterinarians drive like animals.
Vidi, Vici, Veni:  I saw, I conquered, I came
Virginity can be cured.
Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups.
Vulcans have less fun.
Vultures only fly with carrion luggage.
WAITER! there's soup in my fly!
WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst!
WARNING: my messages are offensive to morons!
WOMAN.ZIP... Great program but no documentation.
Women! Can't live with 'em and no resale value.
WOMEN: Weird Obnoxious Male Enticing Nymphs
WWhhaatt   ddooeess   dduupplleexx    mmeeaann??
WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get.
Waiter, there's no fly in my soup! - Kermit
Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
Walls impede my progress
Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp!
Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs.
Want a jelly baby?
Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything!
Wanted - Man to wash dishes and two waitresses.
Wanted: Volcano.  Average size.  Must be active.
War News: Sadam's army blown away by Thai hookers.
Warning:  Whimsical when bored
Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth.
Was it as good for you, as it was for me?
Was that your wife I saw in that GIF.
Was today really Necessary?
Wasting time is an important part of living.
Water + Malt + Hops + Yeast = Satisfaction
Wave to your neighbor, Word to your mother.
We are not a clone.
We are the people our parents warned us about
We don't care. We don't have to. We're Telecom...
We have here the latest in primitive technology.
We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here
We take drugs very seriously at my house...
We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous.
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force
We're as similar as two disimilar things in a pod.
We're lost, but we're making good time.
Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep.
Welcome to New Zealand, set your watch back 20 years.
Well cover me in egg & flour and bake me for 14 minutes
Well, pluck me naked as a scalded chicken!
What are you doing?!? The message is over,GO AWAY!
What can you do for me?
What care I how time advances: I am drinking ale today.
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What could possibly go wrong.
What do batteries run on?
What do you call a female clown? A Clunt :-)
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full!
What do you feed a Trojan horse? A latex lollipop!
What do you mean that 2 years have passed??
What does this red button do?
What else can you do at 3:00am?
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What goes up hs probably been doused with petrol.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.
What's Irish and stays out all night? Pati O'furniture.
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
When 911 won't work .357 will!
When in doubt, think.
When your opponent is down, kick him.
Who glued the cup to the table?
Whoever has the most when he dies... WINS!
Whoops, stepped on a frog.
Whosoever diggeth a pit shall falleth therein.
Why are you looking down here? The joke is above!
Why are you wasting time reading taglines?
Why be a man when you can be a success?
Why can't we just spell it orderves?
Why did the Albanion working class revolt?
Why do the Kennedy men cry after sex?  MACE.
Why do you think they call it "find"?
Why get even, when you can get odd?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat
Winston Peters, a rebel without a caucus.
Winter is nature's way of saying "up yours".
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
Wit is cultured insolence.
With a mind like yours, who needs a body.
With friends like these, who needs to hallucinate?
With friends like you, who needs enemas.
Without Time, everything would happen at once.
Without music, life would be a mistake.
Woman was God's second mistake.
Women - can't live with 'em and no resale value...
Women do come with instructions; ask them.
Women get minks the same way minks get minks.
Women, can't live with'um, can't shoot'um.
Work is for people who can't
Work off excess energy. Steal something heavy
World ends today at 9:30pm!  Film at 11:00...
Worry : The interest paid on trouble before it's due
Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe
Would I ask you a rhetorical question?
Would a virgin be called a notyeterosexual?
Yes my son, long ago mail was read 1 packet at a time.
You buttered your bread, now lie in it.
You can name your salary here. I call mine Fred.
You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish.
You hit the nail right between the eyes.
You want I should bop you with this here Lollipop?!?
Your feet have balls but not vice versa?
Your friendly neighborhood Atheist.
Zen T-Shirt: Enlightenment Available - Enquire Within
[DISCLAIMER:  my fingers are epiletic]
[If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses]
"Bad knee, gotta run" - Pat Buchanan to his draft board
It's like Deja Vu all over again...
God I hate floppies.
Programming is an art form that fights back.
Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID!
Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
A day not wasted is a day wasted!
-- 
Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!