From: verwey@acs.ucalgary.ca (Mary-Ann Verwey)
Subject: Re: Hello, world ...
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 92 23:36:33 GMT
Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta

In article <92323.204026AZLMH@ASUACAD.BITNET> Lisa Mae <AZLMH@ASUACAD.BITNET> writes:
>In article <1992Nov16.131635.8930@ac.dal.ca>, sinister@ac.dal.ca says:
>>
>>(Tauther) writes:
>>> I'm Tauther ... and my question is this:
>>> What is the 'group opionion', so to speak, of a LDR?
>>> Suggestions about it?
>>> Warnings?

>   On the most part I have to agree with all the others that have posted "it's
>tough." Sometimes you wonder, why should I stick with him/her when I could
>find someone closer.  You find that you spend more money on phone calls than
>food.  And your emotions are put on a roller coaster ride every time you
>visit each other or think about each other.  Sometimes you wonder if it is
>worth it.  It helps if there is an end in sight (like one person is moving
>to the other persons town.)  But, otherwise your lives are just too separated
>that you can't feel the connection that you need to.  You have your life,
>they have theirs (this works for some people.)  Even though you can pick up
>the phone and call them, you still feel "alone".

I've been involved in 2 LDR's and taking a stab at one more, but
then in my case i plan on actually moving to his location if it
works outs... so that does help... of the other 2 your are right
Lisa... they are so hard... the feeling of being alone but
involved really takes it's toll on your emotional levels.

>I was involved in an LDR for a year.  For 6 months, I could take it.  But,
>starting at that time the relationship just seemed to start dissolving no
>matter what we did.  It was a feeling of being together, but not "being
>together."  That's kind of hard to explain, until you feel it yourself.

You need the constant contact and companionship, you can only
grow so much in a relationship over the phone or through snail
mail or email... the little visits back and forth only intensify
(in my case) the feeling of being alone and the pain of being
separated from him... I couldn't take it either... maybe I'm
crazy for taking one last stab at it but I gotta try... 

>   I wouldn't say, don't have a LDR.  But, I would warn you that there is
>a lot of emotional pain involved (unless as someone else stated, you could
>fly to each other all the time.) But, it came down to 3 weeks being too
>long for me, in the end.  It doesn't seem like a long time, but trust me
>it is. (Don't tell me, I have it bad don't I?) *sigh*
>*hug*
>Lisa

It ends up being forever between visits... I know where you are
coming from Lisa... Tauther just be careful when you are involved
in these kinds of relationships.. there must always be complete
honesty and you should always try to talk to the person about
even the little mundane things that happen during the day or
week... make them feel like they are a very big part of your
life... make them a part of your life even though there is a
distance between the two of you...

Good Luck :)

*snugs to Lisa*

Mary-Ann


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Mary-Ann Verwey                    Hold on to the shining moments in times
verwey@acs.ucalgary.ca             of darkness, they will pull you through
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