From: biscuit@engin.umich.edu (George F DeLaMater)
Subject: Re: love
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 92 18:15:31 EST
Organization: University of Michigan Engineering, Ann Arbor

In article <BxBvyD.DrE@news.cso.uiuc.edu> cjgg1584@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Cynthia J. Gibas) writes:
>
>Why is it always... well, ok, not ALWAYS, but MOST of the time, that men
>react as if I've stuck them with a hot poker if I ask them out...and then
>say, 'uh, maybe some other time...'  I personally would be shocked if 
>someone said yes, and I ain't ugly!  :-) :-)
>
>Answer that question, and you'll know why men 'must' ask women out...the
>traditional roles that most of us carry around without thinking about it make
>it shocking and slightly improper if it happens the other way around...and
>all but the most mellow of men seem to find a confident, 'forward' woman
>unappealing...no matter what they SAY they want.
>

I don't usually hop into the middle of discussions like this, but I
will say this - unless I'm more unique in this regard than I think - 
you might be writing off a bunch of high-potential people if you feel
that you "can't" ask someone out, and I think it cuts both ways.

I for one am not turned off in the slightest by confident people, just
as I am not one to look down upon a shy person.  I do happen to be an
extremely mellow, easy-going guy, but I can hardly think that I'm so
rare!  I would never be "turned off" if a lady were to ask me out -
on the contrary, I'd be a bit flattered that she stepped forward and
asked!  Truth to tell, I am actually a bit shy around women who I may
be interested in, and who knows?  The day may come when I see someone
who I would really like to ask out but can't decide how to ask, and
she may just solve a whole lot of worries just by breaking tradition
and asking me out - I think this is a rather silly tradition, myself.

And so it cuts both ways.  A confident lady might refrain from asking
a gent out for fear of breaking a tradition and being rejected out of
hand because of it, and gents who want to make a good first impression
and are worried about a variety of things might miss a lady who
happens to like him, but feels she can't make the first move.

To the ladies, I would say - go for it!  If you are a confident person,
be true to your nature!  If a guy can't stand the thought of being
asked out, I would venture to say that there are deep-seated
personality conflicts between you which could give rise to problems
later on.  Mind you, there is a difference between going up to a guy
and asking him if he'd be interested in dinner and a movie or whatever,
and what happened to me a year ago.  Now, a young lady I know happened
to become somewhat desperate after her boyfriend left her.  She and I
are pen-friends only - no romance, and we've never met.  I got a whole
slew of letters from her inside of one week, wherein she essentially
asked me to fly her across the country to where I lived, rent a larger
apartment, and let her move in with me.  Ummm..... THAT scared me, and
I knew it was just that she was feeling lonely and rejected, and after
a few letters and phone calls, we got that episode ironed out, and we're
still friends.  But that's an entirely different ball of wax!

To the gents who are just a wee bit shy, myself included - just 
remember, the person you'd like to ask out may NOT want to go out with
you, but then again, she might just be waiting and hoping for you to
make a move - try to remember that when your mind starts saying, "But
what if..."



-- 
Experience is a wonderful |   George F. DeLaMater   |      If        don't
teacher, but fools will   |-------------------------|      it        TOUCH
learn from no other.      | biscuit@engin.umich.edu |     GLOWS       it. 
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