From: nelson@reed.edu (Nelson Minar)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Coming out online (was Re: G/L Youth Suicide)
Date: 22 Jul 92 01:21:49 GMT
Article-I.D.: reed.1992Jul22.012149.26425
Organization: Reed College, Portland, OR

In article <580.579.uupcb@matrix.sbs.com> eric.hunt@matrix.sbs.com (Eric Hunt) writes:
>The impetus behind my coming out? Venues exactly like this. For
>several months beforehand, I was actively forging contacts with other
>ADULT GLB via my computer and telephone line. There were several gay
>BBS', lots of EXCELLENT gay discussion conferences such as this one,
>and lots of support.

I'm 20 myself, and I really came out 3 years ago when I first came to
college. My experience is somewhat similar to yours, although I did
not have the benefit of specifically gay forums.

Here are three of the biggest things in Nelson's coming out. 2 are
specifically computer related:

o High school counselor helps me realize I might be queer.

o I get to know a group of real people, ie: people outside of my high
school. I met most of them on a DiveriDial system in Houston (a
realtime chat thing). It was wonderful for me because it let me
overcome much of my social awkwardness that 10 years of being an
outcast in my school taught me. It was so much easier to get to know
folks online, and then start meeting in person.

Most of the people were in their late 20s (I was 17). The age
difference wasn't a problem, and it let me be around people who were
more mature that the brats I went to high school with. Most of the
people were straight, although everyone was pretty sexually liberal At
least one man was sort of a transvestite - he was the first person I
came out to.

It was this group of people that I first made friendships with, and
first came out to. The computer focus of the social interaction was
key. It was easier to communicate online.

o I met Jay, my first lover (<wave>). We met online via a computer
matchmaking service, where I'd been logged in as a bisexual male, sort
of testing the waters. He gave me his phone number and I didn't call,
intimidated, but then 6 months later I was lonely, called him, and
that was the start of a wonderful relationship that socialized me as a
gay man.

Being online provided a way to anonymously explore a non-heterosexual
identity and an anonymous way to meet men.

>The relatively insulated life I lead in cyberspace allowed me to see 
>exactly what being gay was like. I was able to consult with GLB from 
>around the world without fear of being `found out' by friends and family. 

Yep. Online communication provides a new identity, one which you can
separate as much as you want from your old identity.

>This continues. I know of a couple of teenage GLB locally who use these 
>forums to explore and find more out about themselves and GLB issues in 
>general. 

This wasn't available to me in Houston. The gay-focused boards all
required real names, and I was afraid to give mine (and not clever
enough to think to try to get anon access..)

>But I can definately see UseNet becoming more and more important as
>access is placed in the average teenager's hand, through BBS' like
>this one, and other avenues.)

I hope so. I think Usenet is the greatest thing in the world. Maybe
I'm just a geek, but my social life online is as important to me as my
social life in the physical world. I have many close friends here who
are in other places, but I am able to have meaningful conversations
with them.

Unfortunately, as Usenet gets out to the masses it will become
diluted. Censorship and technical snafus will both have to be
overcome. Motss is already becoming unwieldy - if we get even twice
as many posts as we do now, we're going to have to split it.
-- 
                __
nelson@reed.edu \/   You're free, so anything could happen, so happy birthday
Newsgroups: soc.motss,talk.politics.misc,alt.individualism,alt.activism