From: vickiemc@isi.edu (Vickie McCorkendale)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Wedding etiquette
Date: 28 Aug 92 23:09:27 GMT
Distribution: world
Organization: USC Information Sciences Institute



Anita writes:
>I'm not very well-versed on Western weddings (the only ones I've
>attended were Westernized versions of Chinese weddings) and I've been
>asked to be a bridesmaid .  I need to know what is expected of me.  I
>know that I have to buy dress/hat/gloves/shoes and whatnot, but do I
>also have to give a gift to the bride?  I will, anyway, but I don't
>understand the reasoning behind this.

	Bridesmaids are expected to purchase their own outfit for the wedding, 
as you mentioned and to help the bride as she requests.  Yes you are expected
to also give a wedding gift to the couple and if there is a wedding shower
you are expected to bring a gift to that as well.  As someone else mentioned,
these gifts are not required, but are common courtesy especially from someone
as close to the couple as a bridesmaid.

>In Chinese culture, the maid-of-honour and bridesmaids (if any) have
>their dresses paid for by the bridal party and they receive presents
>from the bride.  This makes sense to me, because if I were getting
>married, I'd be grateful that a friend gave me the honour of attending
>at my wedding, there'd be no question that I should be the one
>thanking her.

	I am curious, who's family pays for the wedding in Chinese culture?
In western weddings the brides family pays for most everything involved with 
the wedding and reception.  If the bride's family was expected to pay for the
trousseau of the attendents as well...... well there would be many more small
weddings in this country!

You are correct that you should be the one that is thanked, and you should 
be receiving a present from the bride thanking you,
you should also be receiving a personal thank you note from her, expressing
her feelings about your participation in the wedding.

>And, on the question of presents, just a personal bias, I don't like
>this custom of registering (too impersonal, too materialistic, etc.)
>But, personal biases aside, is artwork appreciated as a gift?  (That
>is what I'm going to get them, but I just wanted opinions...  ;^) )

	Registering saves trips to department stores to return items that
are duplicates, don't fit the decor of the couple's dwelling or they simply don't
need. 

	Artwork is certainly appreciated as a wedding gift.  My absolute 
favourite wedding gift is a sculpture from a friend of ours.  He made it 
himself and it is a sculpture of my husband and I.  This was the first 
art piece he had ever created and it is absolutely gorgeous!  I think any 
art piece will be remembered long after any crock pot or towel set.  
Art doesn't wear out, it always remains unique and personal.  

	Try to take the horror stories you've read here on the net with a
grain of salt.  There are many pressures, financial, social etc. surrounding
weddings and tempers and personalities tend to run hot.  You will do your
best by keeping a good attitude, not doing ANYTHING you don't wish to do,
and by helping the bride stay calm and not adding to her worries.

	Have fun and don't think about the money you are going to spend on a 
dress you absolutely hate and will never wear again.

Vickie McCorkendale
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