Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: allisson@turing.toronto.edu (H. Allisson Roome)
Subject: Unique Learning Experiences
Organization: Net.Gypsy/ROM
Date: 6 Nov 92 04:38:28 GMT

Discriminate: v.i. - to make a difference in treatment or favor
on a basis other than individual merit.

Discrimination: n.(1648) the act, practice, or instance of
differentiation categorically rather than individually.
--------------------------------------------------------------

What is the old saying? You never know a person until you walk a
mile in their shoes (apologies for paraphrasing).  

It is very strange to say that until I was about 24 years old I
never truly felt discriminated against.  I suppose I could say
that by being female I have experienced subtle discrimination
during schooling and activities. But, I'm not talking about those
indirect acts of discrimination; instead I'm talking about the
active discrimination where you know that no matter what you do,
sacrifice, or change that you are *not* acceptable.  What I
think, in my case especially, that makes it worse is when you
understand the reasoning behind the discrimination and see the
validity of it.

Discrimination is a very painful experience, the ultimate
rejection.  You, the person, are unworthy because of something
which you had no control over being or not being.  I suppose
being one of the "culturally ideal" (aka white, middle-class,
with a WASP upbringing), you intellectually understand the notion
of discrimination since it is something that you are taught not
to do (discriminate - especially against people); however, it is
something that most never really endure.  After all, what sort of
discrimination is a putative WASP from the suburbs going to
encounter?

My first real experience with being discriminated against came at
the job I held at Syracuse University.  I worked with a number of
small programs in its College of Arts and Sciences - one of which
was the Jewish Studies Program.  I assisted the Director and
attended many meetings for the planning of and implementation of
the numerous seminars, lectures, etc. that we provided the
community on our own and with the assistance of the Hillel
Foundation.   

It was after one of these meetings when my boss and the Rabbi
began to talk; I was waiting for Alan, my boss, since he was
driving me back to campus from the meeting.  I should mention
that for all my flamboyance on the net, I can become background
really easily.  They were talking about on of Alan's students who
also was fairly active in Hillel.  The student, his name is not
relevant, had the "misfortune" to be dating a non-jewish female
and it was getting serious.  To make things worse, if there could
be such a thing, is that she had no desire to convert, raise the
child(ren) in the Jewish tradition, and was devoutly catholic (I
think).  Anyway the gist of the conversation was about what they,
as mentors of the student, could do to advise him of the error of
his ways.  They commented that while it was not good for a Jewish
woman to date a non-jew at least the children would be Jewish and
that even if the non-jewish woman in question "was as lovely and
warm as Allisson here" gesturing in my direction, it was still a
tragedy.

Even though Alan and I talked on the car ride to campus and even
for awhile after that, that comment still stung.  I mean the
reasons behind the discrimination are perfectly valid and I don't
have too much of a problem with them - although Alan did point
out that were I to convert to Judaism, I and the children I bore
might still not be considered Jewish by some traditions. 

My point isn't really about religious discrimination or it's
validity; although, that is the experience I've had that taught
me about discrimination on the more visceral level.  It's about
understanding what it feels like to be discriminated against and
how awful that feeling is.  It's about using that experience to
*not* discriminate against others.  I think the worse thing you
can do is be discriminated agaist for whatever reason and turn-
around and discriminate against someone else. 


Allisson (who's working on this problem I have with being a shiksa(sp?)