From: johnson@spectra.com (boyd johnson)
Subject: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? (true)
Followup-To: rec.humor,alt.fan.rush-limbaugh
Organization: Spectragraphics Corporation
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 92 22:53:40 GMT

Rocky Flats nuclear generating station 
New EG&G Inc. corporate policy for changing the light bulb in the
Criticality Beacon when it burns out.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    | From the Rush Limbaugh radio show 11-17-92.  I typed it in     |
    | as fast as I could keep up with it, but I missed a few things. |
    ------------------------------------------------------------------

There is a Criticality Beacon, similar to an emergency flasher, that 
warns workers of a critical problem in the nuclear generator.
When the bulb burns out it must be replaced, or the workers will not
be warned of danger.

It used to take 4.15 hours for twelve workers to change it, but due to 
the new "Safety First Culture" the procedure has been revised.
It now takes:

43     people
60.1   labor hours
1087.1 hours total elapsed time
33     steps

to change a light bulb in a non-functioning Criticality Beacon.

 1.  A work control form is received advising of burned out light bulb.
 2.  The lead planner discusses form with a panel of seven people at the
     next work control meeting.
 3.  A 24 hour delay from meeting until a dry run of the lightbulb replace-
     ment for workers.
 4.  A dry run of the lightbulb replacement.
 5.  Allow one day for all participants in dry run to complete dry run.
 6.  Planner submits formal proposal of a work package to replace light bulb.
 7.  Planner gives work package to lead planner to submit to work control 
     meeting.
 8.  Work package is reviewed and changed if needed by attendees of work 
     control meeting.
 9.  Work package is returned to planner with changes.
10.  Planner revises work package to include changes.
11.  Wait 48 hours until next work control meeting.
12.  Planner delivers copy of work package to nuclear safety officials 
     for inspection.
13.  Nuclear safety officials fill out safety evaluation screening form 
     for the inspector.
14.  Planner delivers screening form to original submitter for signing.
15.  Planner returns signed form to nuclear safety official for review.
16.  Planner gives copy of work package to logistics official.
17.  Logistics official sends work package to production officer.
18.  Production officer assigns procurement form.
19.  Bill of materials is sent to worker who orders light bulb.
20.  Planner delivers <I missed this> to operations manager.
21.  Operations manager sched <something> with waste operations at <some> 
     meeting.
22.  A 72 hour delay for work order review committee.
23.  Work order review committee gets presentation of plan (15 min).
24.  24 hour delay to ship to scheduling.
25.  Put on schedule ready-to-work status.
26.  Light bulb replacement scheduled to be done at next criticality beacon 
     test.  Two week average delay for next test of criticality beacon.
27.  Inspector notified of the time to watch installation and test of 
     light bulb.
28.  Parts tools and ladders are moved to job site (2 workers)
29.  Electricians change light bulb (first mention of electricians. 2.5 hours)
30.  Inspector verifies proper light bulb was installed.
31.  The jobsite is cleaned up and tools are removed.
32.  Criticality beacon is checked for correct operation next criticality
     beacon test (2 wk average).
33.  Scheduler closes out and files all forms.

Now we know how Clinton is going to be creating all of those jobs.


-- 
======== Boyd Johnson    nosc!spectra.com!johnson  San Diego, Ca. ========