From: jordan@castor (Chucka Zulu)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.mst3k
Subject: Dirty Quote File Addendum
Summary: You've got to inspect your horn, boy!
Keywords: And wash it every day.
Date: 15 Nov 92 20:53:44 GMT
Organization: University of Georgia


Rather than re-post the entire Mystery Science Theater 3000 Dirty Quote
File (MST3KDQF) I think I'll just post the results from last night's study
of "Tormented," the wonderful Bert I Gordon epic whose characters and
situation WERE stolen from "The Philadelphia Story," no matter what you
guys may say.  Watch for more addenda to the MST3KDQF (MST3KDQF.A) in the
future!  Until then, keep circulating the filth!

Bite me,
USENET's Chuck

------

THE (official) MST DIRTY QUOTE FILE

The list was designed for capturing, if but for a brief shining moment,
those vintage Mystery Science Theater 3000 references to sex (the act),
female anatomy (including, but not limited to, breasts), male anatomy (and
the uniquely male biological functions), sex (attempts to get the act
started), sexual perversions of all flavors, scatological references
(including, but not limited to, numbers 1 and 2), foul language and rude or
obscene gestures, and references to illegal drug use.

TORMENTED
	[on the sight of Vi's, err... low-cut blouse]
	TOM: Whoa!  Somebody gave her a bra snuggie!
	JOEL: No, hon, no.

	[Tom Stewart closes the door quickly]
	JOEL: All done!

	[on seeing Tom Stewart topless]
	JOEL: Looks like the Dad from "Flipper!"
	CROW: Ooooohhh yeah!

	SANDY: Meg had a beach party.  Everyone on the island was there!
	JOEL [as Sandy]: 'cept Hef.

	[on seeing Tom Stewart walk up into the lighthouse]
	JOEL: You know, some pants would feel real good right about now.

	[Tom Stewart is looking out a window with binoculars, when Mrs.
	 Phyllis comes in]
	TOM: Oh.... firm and... huh?!?

	TOM STEWART [holding up young Sandy]: From now on, you're the other
	woman in my life.
	JOEL: Put her down, Jerry Lee.

	TOM STEWART: There's Coke in the refrigerator.  Help yourself.
	TOM SERVO: And there's a mirror on the table; razor blades.

	[Sandy walks in with a bottle.]
	JOEL: Hey, that's a St. Pauli Girl!  Put it down.

	JOEL [as Sandy]: How come you're not wearing any pants?

	MEG [to Tom] : Come on up to the house for a minute.  I want you to 
	see something.
	CROW: Yes!
	MEG: My wedding gown.
	CROW: Oh.

	MEG [on opening wedding gift]: Another pair!
	CROW: I know...

	MOM: Sandy, see if there's a window open.  There's a cold draft
	all of a sudden.
	CROW [as Sandy]: Gee, I could go for a cold draft right now.  "Sandy,
	shut the door, Sandy do this."  I have to do everything!  Ahh...
	Change the oil in the car.  Maybe I should chill the champagne, huh?
	How about that?

	TOM SERVO [as Tom Stewart raises a glass]: You know, booze IS your
	best drug value.
	SANDY: What's that stink, Tom?
	JOEL: Jagermeister, honey.

	[Mrs Phyllis walks in on Tom... err, lounging]
	MRS PHYLLIS: Tom?
	CROW: No, I wasn't pretending I was a playmate!

	LACTOSE MAN [describing Vi]: The blonde!  The one with the...
	JOEL: Buick?

	SANDY: There's a light up there.  I wonder who it could be!
	MEG: It's a boy and a girl probably.  You wouldn't understand.
	CROW: Try me.
	SANDY: I do too.  They used to go there to neck.  Not any more.
	Everybody says it's too cold and dark and smelly.
	CROW: Who told you that about Tom?

-- 
                  Chuck Jordan | jordan@castor.cs.uga.edu
"And when we did not have the crawdad, we ate sand."  "You ate what?" 
"We ate sand."  "You ate sand?"			-- Raising Arizona
Newsgroups: alt.tv.mst3k