From: lattanzi@coos.dartmouth.edu (Stephen C. Lattanzi)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Yogi Berra
Date: 2 Oct 92 16:27:09 GMT
Organization: Dartmouth College, Hanover, NH

These were posted some time back.  I can't vouch for their authenticity, but
they sound like him ...
 
Enjoy!
 
- Stephen C. Lattanzi (lattanzi@coos.dartmouth.edu)
 
-----
 
Nobody ever eats at that restaurant anymore.  It's always 
too crowded.

What time is it?  You mean right NOW?

Ninety percent of baseball is half mental.
 
"Right-handers go over there, left-handers go over there, the rest of
you, come with me."
 
If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop
them.

There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell
em.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

I want to thank all the people who made this night necessary.

Half the lies they tell me aren't true.

If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.

On why it's so tough to play left field in Yankee Stadium: "Because
it gets late early."

Ordering sweaters: "That's the kind I want. I want one in Navy Blue 
and one in Navy brown."

On receiving a check made out to "Bearer": "How could you spell
my name like that?"

After being asked by a waitress if he wanted his pizza cut into four
slices or eight: "Better make it four. I don't think I can eat eight 
pieces."

Why don't you pair 'em up in threes?

You can observe a lot just by watching.

It ain't over 'til it's over.

Yogi's son Dale, asked to compare himself with his father: "Our similarities
are different."

"Bill Dickey is learning me his experience."

    - Yogi Berra in his rookie season.
%%
"So I'm ugly.  So what?  I never saw anyone hit with his face."

    - Yogi Berra.
%%
REPORTER:   "How did you like school when you were growing up, Yogi?"
YOGI BERRA: "Closed."
%%
KEN BOSWELL: "I'm in a rut.  I can't break myself of this habit.  I
              keep swinging up at the ball."
YOGI BERRA:  "Well, swing down."
%%
"I think Little League is wonderful.  It keeps the kids out of the
 house."

    - Yogi Berra.
%%
"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

    - Yogi Berra.
%%
"Yeah, what paper you write for, Ernie?"

    - Yogi Berra after being introduced to Ernest Hemingway.
%%
"I'm a lucky guy, and I'm happy to be with the Yankees.  And I want to
 thank everyone for making this night necessary."

    - Yogi Berra at a dinner in his honor.
%%
"In baseball, you don't know nothing."

    - Yogi Berra.
%%
INTERVIEWER: "I understand you had an audience with the Pope."
YOGI BERRA:  "No, but I saw him."
INTERVIEWER: "Did you get to talk to him?"
YOGI BERRA:  "I sure did.  We had a nice little chat."
INTERVIEWER: "What did he say?"
YOGI BERRA:  "Ya know, he must read the papers a lot, because he said,
              'Hello, Yogi.'"
INTERVIEWER: "And what did you say?"
YOGI BERRA:  "I said, 'Hello, Pope.'"
%%
MARY LINDSAY: "You look nice and cool Yogi."
YOGI BERRA:   "You don't look so hot yourself."
%%
REPORTER:   "What would you do if you found a million dollars?"
YOGI BERRA: "If the guy was poor, I would give it back."
%%
"Okay, who's in it?"

    - Yogi Berra (when asked if he wanted to see a dirty movie).
%%
GEORGE BUSH: "Yogi, Texas is very, very important."
YOGI BERRA:  "I know, Texas has a lot of electrical votes."
%%
"Is he living?
 Is he living now?"

    - Yogi Berra (playing 20 questions).
%%
JOE PAGE:   "[I] had been hunting with Enos Slaughter, and Enos had
            been jumping in and out of the bushes so much looking for
            quail that he got a cyst on his back."
YOGI BERRA: "What kind of bird is a cyst?"
%%
"Even the music was nice."

    - Yogi Berra (speaking of the opera "Tosca").
%%
LARRY BERRA: "The man is here for the Venetian blinds."
YOGI BERRA:  "Look in my pants pocket and give him five bucks."
%%
"I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four."

    - Yogi Berra.
%%
"He is a big clog in their machine."

    - Yogi Berra.
%%
"Why buy good luggage?  You only use it when you travel."

    - Yogi Berra.
%%
WOMAN:      "Is Yoo-Hoo hyphenated?"
YOGI BERRA: "No, ma'am, its not even carbonated."
%%

One day Yogi came home after a game, and asked his wife "Well, how was
your day?". And she said "Oh, I went to see Dr. Zhivago today". And
Yogi said "Oh, honey, what's wrong?".

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."
Newsgroups: rec.humor