HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: barbaraj@sacajawea.csc.ti.com (Heart Dancer)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Survivor in denial?
Date: 3 Sep 92 16:00:44 GMT
Reply-To: barbaraj@csc.ti.com
Organization: Computer Science Lab, Texas Instruments


I  wrote:

>> She does not want to speak with you right now.  If you persist
>> : trying to engage her in communication, no matter how well
>> : intended, you are (1) harrassing her and (2) communicating that
>> : within your friendship, her wishes are not as important as your
>> : wishes.

Ed Carp responded:
 
>> Ah, but that is easier said than done.  When person A puts up a
>> boundary against person B, it's easy for person A to justify
>> putting up that barrier.  Current psychological thought maintains
>> that A is justified in doing anything that A feels appropriate,
>> including ignoring B's feelings about that particular barrier.

I *do* think we are each justified in setting boundaries that keep us as
safe as we feel we need to be.  We are also responsible for the
consequences of setting the boundaries.  It may be that the
consequence of Scot's friend setting her boundary is that she loses
the friendship of someone who could be a very real support to her.
But I am not in a position to give her feedback.  She hasn't asked me.

I am only in a position to give Scot feedback.  My suggestion is that
in terms of further communication with her, he might send her one
final note letting her know that he will remain open to further
communication when she is ready.  To do anything more than that, in
the face of a consistent message from her, is codependent at best, and
harassment at worst.

Who is he (or you or I) to judge how she should react to him.  Who is
he (or you or I) to judge her recovery process.

BJ
 
"If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution."
                                        Emma Goldman
From: root@khijol.UUCP
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: working or not?
Date: 27 Aug 92 02:00:27 GMT

X-APS-Version: 0.2


this is an attempt to use ... khijol\!erc@saturn.upl.com
as the address for the anon posting service as set up by Ed ...

thanks Ed ... seems to work ... that is if this appears in asar ...

ttfn


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: mcmorris@vet.vet.purdue.edu (brandywine)
Subject: Re: what gives ...????
Summary: Anon service...
Organization: Purdue University SVM
Date: Mon, 24 Aug 1992 03:45:08 GMT

In article <1992Aug21.042753.17597@colorado.edu> bear@tigger.cs.Colorado.EDU (Bear Giles) writes:
>In article <1992Aug20.212946.22474@unislc.uucp> erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:
>>Lavender (anon-1186@twwells.com) wrote:
>>: And I am supposed to feel confident in using the anon posting service?
>>
>>This has been my point all along.  It's like hiring the fox to watch the
>>henhouse, then expecting the hens to ask the fox for advice on what the
>>hens should do for additional security. :(
>
(a lot omited)
>

>P.S.  I would volunteer, but I have no standing at boulder.colorado.edu
>(I'm not an student in a degree program) and the "facilities division" at
>work won't even run the finger-server on our gateway due to the 'load.'

I am new to this news group, but when I found it, I guess I became a
"lurker" as it were.  I would be willing to serve in the capasity,
except that none of you have any reason to trust me and therefore
probably aren't interested.

I am lucky that I have a large quota and this account is almost purely
for recreation and relazation for me.  If someone could tell me how
and what needs to be done, I would be happy to post anonymous postings
for the group.

Just a thought

-brandywine
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
Subject: testing
Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1992 18:01:24 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

*hello!*


just seeing if this works.



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anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
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anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: root@khijol.UUCP
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: say what?
Date: 3 Sep 92 12:39:02 GMT

X-ANON-Version: 0.4


cloister bell ...
my turn to express frustration and anger ...

you said ...

           > 
           > AARGH! FRUSTRATION! take it to *E-MAIL* please, you two. i
           > don't think anyone on asar has any misconceptions about
           > this whole situation, and i *don't* think that it needs to
           > be hashed out on asar in hostile tones, implied or overt.
           > ahem. ok. i feel better now...

unfortunately I must still have some misconceptions about the whole situation !
I for one am very thankful that Ed and Bill have been attempting to hash it
out on asar in whatever terms are used... I need some more background about
this whole group before I can and will feel comfortable in posting anything
other than this type of generality  ...

I am in need of support and I am rather stubborn as well ...now how to express 
this ???

I am glad that you feel better expressing your anger ... but as for the content
of the posts from Bill and Ed, I need to know the history of why there are two
posting services now.  I also suspect that there are others who are reading
this newsgroup who are as confused as I about the things that both Ed and Bill
are referring to ... From what I have seen in the last day or two from them my
question now is (ooops I mean two anon posting services... I do not know how
to use the editor yet!) ...

If the anger and frustration and history of the two anon posting services is not
aired publicly, how can I feel comfortable that anything that I say will be
accepted and if others do not understand me that they will ask? On the other
hand, if I say something that confuses, upsets, angers or whatever in the public
forum, I need to be told that publicly so that I can look at the manner in
which I expressed myself.

Thanks folk for letting me express myself ...


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: jdiamond@netcom.com (Joan M. Diamond)
Subject: Re: sunrise, sunset...sunrise, sunset...
Date: Thu, 03 Sep 92 02:45:43 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 

I have been following the discussion about Poohbear's cutting.
Jeff, I think you are being much too literal in your reading
of Poohbear's postings.  I felt, and still feel that she
was asking for ANY kind of help or advice to 1) keep her out
of the hospital, 2) keep her out of the emergency room, and 30 keep
her from cutting anymore.  Many people who have never had the right (because
of the way and in the atmosphere in which they were raised) cannot
ask directly for help, but only in tangential ways.  Indirectly asking
for help is still asking for help.  She can take or leave any of the
advice she gets.  It may be enough to know people care enough to
"read between the lines" and offer help.

I also noticed that Poohbear admitted to trying some of the other
ways to prevent the cutting.  That tells me that she got some of
what she needed from the people who offered advice and that she
really wants to stop hurting herself.

I see it this way, Poohbear can take or leave any advice she gets here.
We all recognize that and feel that she is totally within her rights
as a whole, important, and worthy human being to make the decision.
However, your criticism of others giving advice appears to be telling
others not to try to help someone in distress by offering alternatives
to self-destructive behaviors; that somehow by offering this advice
the people in this group are disabling Poohbear's right to do as she
wishes with her own body.  I think that is very shortsighted.

I certainly don't always agree with the kinds of advice and especially
the direct intervention that goes on here, but I see people reaching out
to Poohbear with methods of circumventing a self-destructive, painful,
frightening, and possibly deadly behavior to be wonderful and I hope
it never stops.

Poohbear, keep up the good work.  Please stay with us.  We care about
you and I care about you.  I think about you often and hope that you
made it through another day without cutting.  However, if you have to cut,
I hope you don't cut deep.  You've already been cut too deeply.

Please keep us posted, and if possible, let us know if you want to
recieve suggestions for alternatives to cutting yourself.

Jeff, I hope you are never in a position where you need help and are
too disconnected from yourself to be able to put the need into words.
You might meet up with someone who thinks that people should let you
self destruct if you feel like it.  I just don't think you understand
what is going on at all.

Peace and hugs to everyone, even you Jeff.

hugs to those who can accept them.

Joan
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.Netcom.COM (Enigma)
Subject: Re: One more time.
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 92 16:03:09 GMT
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Service

In article <BtuKnu.5D@acsu.buffalo.edu> v130py5w@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (Renee M Sparling) writes:

> >Will someone please E-mail Me??? 
> >cryst%belay@uunet.uu.net
> >Thanks muchly.

> crystal, i sent you some e-mail, i'm not sure it will arrive because the 
> computer said some wierd things so tell me if you don't get it o.k.

I thought that would happen...  People, if you want to mail crystal,
you have to edit the email header by hand.  If you just hit "r" for
reply, it isn't going to work, as it's one of those weird addresses
that has to go through uunet.  Use the address she gave in her posting
(cryst%belay@uunet.uu.net).

If anybody's getting confused, feel free to e-mail me (just hit "r" :-) )
and I'll try and help.


-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)     
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: newcomer
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date:  1 Sep 1992 08:04 EST  

In article <1992Sep1.054528.28453@news.iastate.edu>, TY.AU7@isumvs.iastate.edu (C. MARIE RIGGINS) writes...
Welcome, Marie!  And thanks for shining a light at the end of the tunnel.  
I, for one, needed it today.

I told my SO some of the details of the least offensive of my memories.  He 
didn't handle it too well.

Anyone got some spare hugs??
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu (Lydia Uribe)
Subject: Re: Worlds shortest marriage
Organization: Claremont Shelter for Maladjusted Singers
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 20:01:32 GMT

In article <BtzHuK.4t0@belay> cryst@belay (Crystal Bell) writes:

>I decided that It wasn't worth it anymore. I'm not going to give her my new 
>Phone Number. It is also unlisted. And you know I thought I'd hate myself 
>for it and spend (No waste) a lot of money trying to find her again. 
>I feel great!!!!! I have never felt better about myself. and about a 
>decision I made. 

Congratulations, Crystal!!  That's a big, positive step that you have taken,
and I hope that it is only the first of many of them for you.

>Well sorry for babbling. I just needed to talk and Basically couldn't decide
>which of you to write so I just posted.

Hey, it's not babbling, and that's what we're here for.... ;-)

					Lydia

"You're more than beginning -- you're learning to fly;
 You feel like you're falling, but it passes in time...."
			"From Me to You", Janis Ian
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Soprano (Lydia M. Uribe)                      uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu |
| Claremont, CA                                  uribe@hmcvax.claremont.edu |
|           Cats, quilts and diving -- what more could anyone ask?          |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
From: perez@mgr.hjf.org (Charles Perez)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters
Date: 27 Aug 92 15:48:01 GMT
Organization: HJF AIDS Research Project, Washington DC

Here's a little tidbit my current SO handed me. I hope at least some of
you get some good from it.

            Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters
                    by Portia Nelson

Chapter 1 - I walk down the street.
            There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
            I fall in.
            I am lost.
            I am helpless.
            It isn't my fault.
            It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2 - I walk down the street.
            There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
            I pretend I don't see it.
            I fall in again.
            I can't believe I'm in the same place.
            But it isn't my fault.
            It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3 - I walk down the street.
            There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
            I see it is there.
            I still fall in.
            It's a habit.
            My eyes are open.
            I know where I am.
            It is my fault.
            I get out immediately

Chapter 4 - I walk down the street.
            There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
            I walk around it.

Chapter 5 - I walk down another street.

Enjoy, and e-hugs to anyone who could use them.


-- 
==========================================================================
That which is necessary is never evil. If an evil seems necessary, look
to your context; that's where its root lies.  - Charles Perez
==========================================================================
From: holzman@fnalf.fnal.gov (Daniel B. Holzman)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Doing something for moi
Date: 1 Sep 92 18:58:23 GMT
Organization: Fermi National Accelerator Lab
X-Posted-From: fnalf.fnal.gov
X-Posted-Through: sol.ctr.columbia.edu

In article <krikket.6813@meltdown.chi.il.us>, krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us 
(D. 'krikket' Krick) writes:
> I've always had an addiction to relationships and love.  I've always *NEEDED*
> someone else to be there for me.  I still do.  I don't know how to stand on my
> own two feet without that other person.  I still cry over some of the past
> relationships I've been in.  Maria, who I bump into occasionally at SF
> Conventions is always enough to cause a mood reversal.  And then there is the
> person whom I don't even know if I'm still married to (Teri).  Dan, since you
> performed the wedding, any comments?

Legally speaking, you're probably not married, but I need more data from you to
know.

Socially speaking, that's a question you and Terri need to answer for
yourselves.
-- 
Daniel B. Holzman                    | Eight Words the Witch's Rede Fufill:
HOLZMAN@FNAL.BITNET                  | An It Harm None, Do What You Will
HOLZMAN@FNALC.FNAL.GOV.INTERNET      |
                                     | All Acts of Love and Pleasure are
Love doesn't subtract,               | Her Rituals
   it multiplies    - Heinlein       |
                                     | Speak the Word.
Disclaimer:  Fermilab's far too large to have an opinion, let alone mine.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: newcomer
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 17:49:40 GMT

Teresa Kline (aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov) wrote:

: I, for one, needed it today.
: 
: I told my SO some of the details of the least offensive of my memories.  He 
: didn't handle it too well.
: 
: Anyone got some spare hugs??

Oops ... sorry to hear that, T. :( :( :(

*HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS*!!

(hope they helped)
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: erc@khijol.upl.com (Ed Carp)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Why Live?
Date: 4 Sep 92 00:15:09 GMT
Reply-To: erc@apple.com

I recently went through a perion in my life where personal tragedy was piled
on top of personal tragedy (to be fair, I'm not out of the woods yet).
I had an SO walk out on me, I was involved in an auto accident that killed one
person and severely brain injured another, etc.  I found myself on more than
one occasion seriously contemplating suicide as a way to end what I felt was
my own personal hell, something which many here could probably identify
with personally. :(

In one of my more lucid moments, I realized that I wasn't *ready* to go -- I
hadn't done lots of things that I wanted to do, and I certainly didn't want
to die in my apartment, bleeding to death, or perhaps with a bullet in my
head - dying alone, unwanted, unloved.  I didn't want to be remembered that
way.  So...I hope this gives someone some comfort at those times in everyone's
life when they are at the end of their rope - or feel like it...

                      When I Go

When I go,
when I leave this earth,
I want to be
surrounded
by the people I love
and who love me
so much that you wouldn't be able to cut it with
a knife!
I want to be able to say that I had done my best, and I had
touched
people in a way that no one ever had
and done good.
I want to be able to say that I had loved, but had
not
lost!
I want to pass over easy, happy, satisfied at a
life well led,
not in pain and agony and misery, by my
own hand.
And I've decided not to
die
until I've had what I want!
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com, khijol!erc@saturn.upl.com       801/538-0177

"I never thought I'd see the President of the United States on nationwide TV,
giving out 1-800 numbers."    -- Susan Spencer, CBS White House correspondent
From: v130py5w@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (Renee M Sparling)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: One more time.
Date: 31 Aug 92 12:14:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

>Will someone please E-mail Me??? 
>cryst%belay@uunet.uu.net
>Thanks muchly.

crystal, i sent you some e-mail, i'm not sure it will arrive because the 
computer said some wierd things so tell me if you don't get it o.k.

renee
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear)
Subject: for anon 1190
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 10:13:28 GMT


Sorry to waste bandwidth.  I tried sending mail to you, 
email wasn't turned on.  JUst wanted to let you know.



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: bill@twwells.com (T. William Wells)
Subject: Television Special
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 16:36:39 GMT
Organization: None, Mt. Laurel, NJ

I received the following message and am forwarding it.
---
Please post the following in alt.sexual.abuse.recovery:

On Friday, September 4, Oprah Winfrey will be the host of Scared Silent,
an hour long television special airing simultaneously on CBS, NBC. and PBS.
(It will air Sunday, Sept. 6 on ABC)  It will mark the first time a non-
news event has been carried during prime time by three networks.  The subject:
Child Abuse.

On her TV show in 1985, Oprah revealed that she herself had been a victim of
child abuse.  This special will feature true stories - solutions -
explanations on how it may start and how it can be stopped - as well as ways
to prevent it and to intervene in actual cases, plus a toll-free child abuse
hotline.

---
Bill                            { uunet | decwrl | telesci }!twwells!bill
bill@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: sandro@asylum.UUCP (Sandro Wallach)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Too Scared to Live, Too Chicken to Die
Date: 4 Sep 92 16:54:12 GMT

root@khijol.UUCP writes:
>Ah, well, that's the thing, isn't it?  My life is a wreck, I'm alone, and
>I can't stop crying.  What's left?

What's left is for you to take your life back.  It's not your fault
that people screwed up your life.  It's not your fault you're alone,
and it's certainly not your fault that you need to cry.  You've been
confronted with amazing adversity.  Through it all, you survived.  Now
comes the hard part: rebuilding.

It's not easy.  Simultaneously, you have to excavate out all the sh*t
that's been dumped on you, and begin to build a structure on your own,
a structure that's actually on stable ground, a part of your life you
can trust and be happy with.

At least that's how I see it for myself.  It's a big project, cleaning
up at least 15 years of garbage, and making my life a nice place.  On
the other hand, compost heaps are fertile ground for growing amazing
and beautiful plants -- I think our minds are good at turning
adversity around when they aren't hopelessly overwhelmed.  Just look
at all the amazing things you did to make it this far.

What's left is for you to take your life back.
From: arabella@well.sf.ca.us (Leslie Smith)
Subject: Re: hello everyone!
Organization: Whole Earth 'Lectronic Link
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 09:10:11 GMT

In article <25AUG199211531797@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov> aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline) writes:
>>problem.
>
>I have had difficulty talking about my "stuff" with others who are not 
>survivors.  Some are very receptive and caring and helpful.  Others just 
>don't want to hear it.  I think that's a reflection of them, not me or my 
>issues.  It's not because I'm "bad", it's that they can't relate to 
>emotional issues.  
>I'd say try talking about some of the "lesser" (dare I say that word) 
>issues to "test the waters".  You may find that having someone that close 
>to whom you can really be who you are, scars and all, is a *great* feeling. 
>I now have four people (including *me*) who really know who I am.  I can be 
>real with them, and not have to waste valuable energy keeping my facade in 
>
>-- Teresa
>
>		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!

I've tested the waters a bit, trying to talk about my "stuff" with a person
I'm close to in some ways (though not in all ways), and the big problem I 
ran up against was her disbelief.  I found myself getting all defensive,
trying to convince her that what I was saying was true, and finding it
a very unpleasant experience.  I need *absolutely* to be believed, and so
it's hard to talk to people who might discount my experiences or refuse
to believe that I could have been abused.  Fortunately, my therapist 
and my SO are both very believing, and very supportive.  I would still
like to find an outside friend or two who would let me just talk myself
out and support me and believe me.

  - Leslie

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery