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Date:         Tue, 18 Aug 1992 10:09:52 -0500
From:         ANTHLAL@UMNACVX.BITNET
Subject:      good republican/bad republican; or,
              darth vader vs. obi-wan kenobi

okay, okay, i didn't make that up myself.  apt though, isn't it?
so...i watched the convention.  i couldn't help myself.  hi, my name is
anneliese ("hi, anneliese!") and i'm a compulsive watcher of ballyhoo.
(smattering of applause)
i got all settled on the floor in front of the tv, with popcorn and a beer
at the ready.  watched abc for a while, wondering just what exactly
john hockenberry was gonna cover...then the old prejudices sank in and
i switched over to nbc (aside:  i had a big crush on john chancellor all
through my teens.  go figure).  and so began the coverage.  i must say that
the republicans have the democrats beat all to heck in the "stupid-looking
hat" category.  they made half-hearted jokes; they talked a lot about
how buchanan was gonna be conciliatory; they did a nice puff piece on
the sculptors of food who seem to come out of the woodwork at these things.
and then pat got up t' speak.
the first thing i thought was "good...now that he's talking, i will no longer
have to hear all these dumb references to buchanan's 'raw meat' speaking
style."
it was about at that time that i heard him say something along the lines of
"homosexuals, that force of evil and degradation".
all i could do was groan and slap my hand to my forehead.
they showed a nice picture of jerry falwell, paranoid paragon, and he was
beaming.  that was enough for me.
i got up to go get another beer.  i determined that this was going to be
at least a 4-beer speech.
gary's right...bar looked like she was going to be sick every time the
camera was on her.  by her side...bay, beaming just as big as jerry falwell.

what's the point of the play-by-play?  well, none.  my question is this:
buchanan circulated copies of the speech well before he took the podium.
didn't anybody, y'know, read it?  i don't know what bothers me more:  the
fact that no one read it, or the fact that they did and let him go ahead
anyhow.
there are (or, at least, there were) a substantial number of gays and
lesbians who are/were registered republicans.  this demographic group
tends to have an income above the national average, and many would
like to see tax breaks and such, which the gop is more likely to
give tham than the dems.  but, wow.  i mean, that was all pretty strong
stuff.  goodbye, 15% of the republican vote.  eeek.
and i must say that i thought the personal attacks on hillary clinton
were pretty much out of line.  fine, pat...you prefer your women quiet,
good cooks, workin' at vacation bible school, and in the missionary
position.  de gustibus non est disputandum.  i don't know, i just...
well...it seems that if someone had been thinkin' this would not have
been, you know, a *prime-time* speech.
oh, and how about that "bill clinton is a draft dodger" business?
where was bill?  hey, pat...where were *you*?  (pat has a trick knee.
pat couldn't fight.  pat is now a big physical fitness nut, though.
pat jogs a lot.  good way to pick up chicks.)

i think that the media is trying their best to help soft-pedal that
situation, though.  all the talk this morning is about ronald reagan.
which is fine.  "the great communicator" does it again.  you know, i
bet dale carnegie's eyes would mist over with tears if he could have
seen that.  good pacing, good eye-contact.  nice choice of jokes.
i especially liked the thomas jefferson one.  i was a bit perplexed by
the business with nancy at the end..."we bid you a fond farewell"?
huh?  were they running off to carry out a suicide pact?  does this mean
we won't see him again?  most importantly, does this mean there will be no
jokes when he is subpoenaed by the senate judiciary committee?

yeah, anyway.  the gop has indeed got that old time religion.  actually,
they've got enough for everyone.  as long as it's that old-time judeo-
christian religion.  and they don't seem too wild about the "judeo-"
part, come to think of it.
the demonstrations outside the astrodome (way outside.  the houston police are
not exactly a pleasant bunch.) have left, at last count, 23 wounded.
substantially more than that have been arrested.  cool.  and now,
the role of julius hoffman will be played by the oboe.

tonight's lineup:  phil gramm, former educator at texas a & m; jack kemp,
the most popular man at the convention;  and william weld, governor of
massachusetts, a man of whom it has been said by the most cynical and
politically exhausted man i know, "he's really cool."

taking bets now on which minority group the republicans will be alienating
tonight...
african-americans       even money
women                   5-3
muslims                 7-1
norwegians              18-1
texans who do not
own stetsons            25-1

when it comes right down to it, i stick with my first impression:  this election
    is really a big contest to see which the american public likes better,
country music or adult-contemporary.  either way, i'm frightened.  sure,
i own a copy of fleetwood mac's "rumours", who doesn't?  i'm, like, a
collector.  i also have friends in low places.  guitars, cadillacs and
hillbilly music are the only things (thangs?) that keep me hangin' on.

desperately seeking the candidate who's way into the velvet underground,
                     i thus remain

                                 * * * anneliese "actually, zagnuts are the
                                       devil's main course" l.
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