From: tlode@nyx.cs.du.edu (trygve lode)
Subject: Re: Giving and Receiving
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 22:51:08 GMT

In article <lis6s8INN225@news.bbn.com> dhardin@bbn.com (Dawn Hardin) writes:
>In article <1992Dec15.102722.17472@rs6000.bham.ac.uk>, pickerig@eee.bham.ac.uk (Guy Pickering) writes:
>> If you give someone little presents, what do you give and what do
>> you like to receive?

[...]

>When a certain soc.singler was in Boston, he brought me some rocks and
>sea shells that he'd found walking on the cape, but I guess some people
>would look at you weird if you gave them a rock.  I loved it, but I'm
>a little strange.

Just to put in a contrary data point, be a little careful of whom you give
rocks to, when, and under what circumstances.  A little while ago, not too
long after I got out of surgery for putting my leg back together (me, the
person who gets hit by cars while bicycling and collects nary a scratch,
slips in the snow and manages to break and/or dislocate almost everything
below the knee--on the bright side, with all the metal holding my leg and
ankle together, I may be able to get a part in Terminator III without 
having to bother with makeup) a friend of mine dropped by and presented me
with a fairly large rock that, near as I can tell, was a random one that he
had picked up along the roadside.  He seemed so proud of it, I couldn't bring
myself to hurt his feelings by mentioning that I really didn't want a rock
in my bed, but after he left, I did get someone to put it somewhere else.

So, as a general rule, if you're going to give someone who recently 
underwent surgery a rock, it's a good idea to make sure it's clean, not
too large, and either shiny or containing a fossil or something.  (These
rules may be relaxed somewhat if you put the rock on a shelf instead of
in bed with the person in question.)

Personally, when giving small gifts, I generally figure they should be
not too expensive (otherwise, if it's done too often or it's something
the recipient doesn't really want, it can make for a heightened discomfort
level), either edible, perishable, or easilly stored (truffles, flowers,
or cards, for example), relevant (something that tells the recipient you
were thinking of him/her rather than looking like something you picked up
at random just so you'd have something to give him/her), and presented 
without much fanfare (understatement is usually better than hyperbole).

I think this is a tricky area for a lot of people, since I've known 
people who have managed to slip up on one or more of these things--
showered their interests with gifts until it became annoying, gave 
things like decorating items that, if the recipient doesn't like them,
can't be comfortably stashed on a closet shelf, bought things that left
the recipient wondering "why did you get me this?" or obviously expected
applause or something for each tidbit.

Trygve   (Who will be mobile again in just a few months, though 
          getting through airport metal detectors may never be easy again.) 
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