From: jfurr@polaris.async.vt.edu (Joel K. Furr)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Re: A FAQ for the Holidays
Date: 20 Dec 92 10:44:51 GMT
Organization: Escape from Blacksburg, VA

In article <28087@dog.ee.lbl.gov> TWChan@lbl.gov (Terry Chan) writes:
>Well people, here's the last time I'll FAQ you for 1992.
>It's been an eventful year.  Seagull's greeting to y'all.
>
>Terry Chan
>
>[Note:  No changes from last posting]

Here are my proposed FurrChanges:

[stuff deleted]

>NOMINATIONS FOR THE OFFICIAL MOTTO OF A.F.U.
>  "It could have happened, so it must be true."
>  "Sheesh!"
>  "Sorry to inject some facts into this newsgroup..."
>  "It COULD have happened so it MUST have happened"
>  "Bula Vinaka"
>  "I read it on USENET so it must be true."
>  "You st*p*d f*ck*ng b*st*rds..."
>  "The way I heard it..."
>  "I read it in the paper..."
>  "I think it's stupid. We collect all these business cards, and it turns
>      out nobody wants them."
>  "Mumpsimus"
>  "Furrfu!"
>  "No Facts but..."
>  "And as for the voracity [sic] of the source, this is my GRANDMOTHER 
>      you're talking about."
>  "True story as far as anyone knows.  No particular reason why it should
>      be doubted."
>"I can't vouch for the veracity of your story.  But there's enough stupidity
>      out there that I'll believe it."
>  "He might have.  That alone is enough to prove..."
>  "Are you saying that some soaps are not detergents but that no detergents 
>      are soaps?"  [Happy, Chuck Adams?  Sheesh!]
>  "Well, looking at my couch, I could see how this would happen"
>  "Excuse me.  But can anyone tell me what's going on here?"
>  "I'm not making this up. I've seen a wargame of the battle of Stalingrad
>     which includes an optional counter for mine dogs, so it must be true.
>  "I will not describe it so don't even bother asking me about it."
   "Excuse me, Terry, but I don't think about lemurs ALL the time."

>SPECULATION ON CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK'S MIDDLE NAME
>   - "Terry" 
>   - "Tirebiter"
>   - "Tennessee"
>   - "Tyrone"
    - "Tananarivo"

>   
>OFFICIAL AFU MASCOT
>  - My pet King snake, Elvis
>  - Peter's pet dalmatian dog, Pixel
>  - snopes' pet cat, Snopes
>  - little gator's bio-challenged gator, harvee (sorry, no use of
>    the "s" word here)
>  - Cindy's pet troll, Steinar
                             ^^
                             |_ should be "Stein". "Steinar" is her husband.
   - Nigel the Lemur

[more stuff deleted]

>OFFICIAL FOOD OF AFU
>  - Chicken Mole'
>  - Red Velvet Cake
>  - Poinsettia salad
>  - Kentucky Fried Chicken 
>  - little gator's Deep Sh*t Cookies 
   - fruitcake

[more stuff deleted]

>THE MISAPPLIANCE OF SCIENCE
>T. Coriolis force affects fluids if you take incredible pains to isolate it.
>F. Bath water drains the other way round in other hemisphere, due to Coriolis.

 T. People on TV at equator make it look like this works by tilting basins.

>DOES NOT COMPUTE
>T. Bill Gates has $750K Porsche 959 he can't use; no type compliance,no license!
(not an addition, a question: why can't he?)

>TWINKIE TWITTER
>T. "animal or vegetable shortening" on ingredients list == LARD
>F. Hostess snacks (Twinkies, Cupcakes, etc.) aren't baked!  They set,like jello
>Fb.Twinkies eat mold... If mold grows on a twinkie, the twinkie digests it...

 U. Lemurs love Twinkies and will do anything to get them.

>STUPID ACADEMIA TRICKS
>Fb.There are plans to erect a statue to Ted Frank at Rose-Hulman Inst. of Tech.

 T. People at Rose-Hulman sure get yuks out of annoying deaf people (take
    whichever way you prefer)

>WHAT'S IN A WORD?
>F. "Furrfu" honors Joel Furr.  Sheesh!

(Damn, how embarrassing.  I made it into the AFU FAQ and didn't even
 notice until now)

>KILL YOUR TELEVISION!
>F. Johnny Carson said he'd pet Zsa Zsa's pussy if she'd move her cat.

 T. People who claim to have seen this on a highlights show usually own up to
    only having seen Carson _deny_ it.

>REEFER MADNESS
>U. More than 4 hits of acid in one month renders you legally insane.
 
T. There isn't a "lethal dose" of LSD.  More than (some amount) has no 
    additional effect.

>SNUFF MOVIES
>Tb.There were at least two different endings to "Old Yeller".  
(Jeez.  So some good DID come out of that bizarre Lemur/Lemmings/Disney/Old
Yeller thread)

>UPSTANDING LEGENDS OF THE PENIS AND SCROTUM
>F. Gangster John Dillinger's long wang is pickled in a jar at/near Smithsonian.

T. US Army Medical Pathology Musuem, housing bizarre anatomy, USED to be near.

>HIDE THE SALAMI
>F. Woman tied naked to bed, man in superhero costume with broken leg in closet.
(um, what was THIS one based on?)

>DISNEY DEMENTIA [AND OTHER AMUSEMENT PARK STORIES]
>T. AFU WEST ][ was on December 12, 1991.
>T. There was an AFU South in May, 1992 with 2 people. 
>Tb.snopes was in Los Altos, California on January 28, 1992.
>T. AFU WEST ]|[ was in Mountain View on Craig's b-day in 1992.
>T. Disney caused people to believe that Lemmings suicide in march to sea.
>T. AFU WEST IV - TERRY was on October 28, 1992.
(When's AFU East?  We could have it in West Virginia somewhere.)

>WILD LIFE IN THE FAST LANE
>T. Guy in Los Alamos labs fitted a jet engine to Honda Civic, ran on salt flats.
 U. Astounding Science Fiction published WWII comment that best sales were at
    newsstand in a small town in New Mexico called Los Alamos.

>===============================================================================
>Unbounded thanks to: Jane Beckman, Conrad Black, Mark Brader, Jack Campin,
>Raymond Chen, Joe Chew, Patrick S Clark, Cathi A.Cook, Jeff Davis, Scott
>Deerwester, Larry Doering, all the Terry's: Carroll, Chan, Monks, Wood, etc., 
>David Esan, Ted Frank, Greg Franklin, Alan Frisbie, Kim Greer, Tom Greer,
>Phil Gustafson, Jason R. Heimbaugh, David A. Honigs, Wendy Foran Howard,
>Mark Israel, Richard Joltes, Jim Jones, Cynthia Kandolf, Phil Kernick, Susan
>Mudgett, Bill Nelson, Tom Neff, Christophe Pettus, Brian Scearce, Sean Smith,  
>Randal Schwartz, Ken Shirriff, snopes, Haakon Styri, Bruce Tindall, Dwight  
>Tovey, Peter van der Linden, Greg Widdicombe, and Dan Wright. 

What?  Doesn't my noble and valiant effort defending the alt.folklore.*
hierarchy from Net.Huns get me any credit? :) 
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban