HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: EC0AAEF <EC0AAEF@MUSIC.TCS.TULANE.EDU>
Subject: RE: Sorority girl jokes request
Nntp-Posting-Host-[nntpd-28885]: music.tcs.tulane.edu
Organization: Your MUSIC System
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 19:52:27 GMT

In article <By10yy.F8A@news.cso.uiuc.edu> dls30876@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (DaveMan ) writes:
> About a month ago, someone posted a list of sorority girl jokes, and
> I missed them.  If that person or anyone who has them could e-mail
> them to me or repost them, I would appreciate it.
>
>
>
> Life is hard, EE is easy.
>
>
>   DaveMan
> dls30876@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu


> ME TOO
> EC0AAEF@MUSIC.TCS.TULANE.EDU
     THANKS


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: wanderer@camelot.bradley.edu (Kevin Murphy)
Subject: Here is the green golf ball joke.
Organization: Bradley University
Date: 17 Nov 92 05:34:44 GMT


Ok... Everyone has been asking about this thing
and I was awiting for the other readers to post
it but I guess I'm gonna have to pull it out of
the files here...

Here it is..

^f


^F
^F GRNGLFBL


hang on a sec....



^F GRNGLFBL
+++DISCONNECT

NO CARRIER
From: nickgill@doc.bmd.trw.com
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Boat Race Joke
Date: 17 Nov 92 09:22:57 MST

Once upon a time an American aerospace company and the Japanese decided to have
a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both practiced hard and long to
reach their peak performance. On the big day they both felt as ready as they
could be.

The Japanese won by a mile!

Afterwards, the American Team became very discouraged by the loss and morale
sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat
had to be found. A continuous "Measurable Improvement Team" was set up to
investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
 
Their conclusion:

The problem was that the Japanese Team had eight people rowing and one person
stirring, whereby the American Team had one person rowing and eight people
stirring. The American Corporate Stirring Committee immediately hired a
consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and
millions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that too may people were
steering and not enough were rowing.

To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the American team's
management structure was totally reorganized to four steering managers, three
area steering managers, one staff steering manager, and a new performance
system for the person rowing the boat, to give more incentive to work harder.
"We must give him empowerment and enrichment. That ought to do it."

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Another meeting was called. This time American team's managers decided to
include the person rowing the boat in the area steering managers committee.
This was a sure way of finding a winning combination. They listened patiently
to what the rower had to say , making comments at crucial points and helping
him to come to a workable conclusion. So they set out again, only this time the
rower was included not only as a rower, but also as part of the stirring team.

The next year the Japanese won by three miles.

Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance,
sold all the paddles, canceled all capital investments for new equipment,
halted development of a new canoe, and distributed the money saved as bonuses
to the senior executives.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dag@col.hp.com (David Geiser)
Subject: Re: Friend turning 40, need jokes
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 21:26:42 GMT
Organization: HP Colorado Springs Division

Husband:  Well, I think I'll trade my wife in for two 20-yr-olds.

Wife:  Honey, you ain't wired for 220.


 I think I've got the hang of it now ....  :w :q :wq :wq!  ^d X exit X Q
 :quitbye CtrlAltDel ~~q :~q logout save/quit :!QUIT ^[zz ^[ZZ ZZZZ ^H ^@ ^L
 ^[c ^# ^E ^X ^I ^T ?  help helpquit ^D ^d ^C ^c helpexit ?Quit ?q ^Kx /QY
 sync;halt ^Z ^Y BREAK ctrl-c ^]] QUIT ^@ ^# ^$ ^% ^& ^* exithelp cc@#$%&*

-- 

 Boycott Colorado.
From: rm72@prism.gatech.EDU (Bruce McCullough)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Fat jokes needed!!
Date: 13 Nov 92 15:12:02 GMT
Organization: Georgia Institute of Technology

Please send me some fat jokes and fat janks. My buddy at work is killin
me and I need to get revenge.
-- 
Robert B. McCullough-Computer Operations Tech.
Registrar Data Systems
Georgia Institute of Technology
Internet: rm72@prism.gatech.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade,alt.best.of.internet
From: wcf@gnv.ifas.ufl.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Friend turning 40, need jokes
Date: 18 Nov 92 10:15:08 -0500

A friend is turning 40 this weekend, and his wife is planning a roast
in his honor. I need material! If you have anything related to adding
misery to my friends B'day, kindly send 'em to me. If I get a good
selection I'll compile a summary and repost. Thanks.  Chris
+===========================================================================+
	Chris Fooshee - University of Florida - CFREC - Apopka
			WCF@GNV.IFAS.UFL.EDU
+===========================================================================+
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: pbh@earl.cam.bellcore.com (Operator Paul B. Hart)
Subject: Re: Comparative Religion
Organization: /bdfs/users/pbh/.organization
Date: 17 Nov 92 11:45:56

From: gregn@hpspdla.spd.HP.COM (Greg Newton)

 a short guide to comparative religions

 taoism                 shit happens
 confucianism           confucius say, "shit happens"
 calvinism              shit happens because you don't work hard enough
 buddhism               if shit happens, it really isn't shit
 seventh day adventist  no shit on saturdays
 zen                    what is the sound of shit happening?
 hedonism               there is nothing like a good shit happening
 hinduism               this shit happened before
 mormon                 this shit is going to happen again
 islam                  if shit happens, it is the will of allah
 moonies                only happy shit really happens
 protestantism          let the shit happen to someone else
 catholicism            shit happens because you are bad
 hare krishna           shit happens rama rama
 judaism                why does this shit always happen to us?
 zoroastrianism         shit happens half the time
 christian science      shit is in your mind
 atheism                sheeit
 existentialism         what is shit anyways? 
 rastafarianism         let's smoke this shit                                          
--
-------------------------- pbh@monolith.bellcore.com -------------------------
I went to a general store.  They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically. -
Steven Wright
From: cd539@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Roy M. Taylor)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: A great ride   (x)
Date: 19 Nov 1992 01:28:52 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc10.ins.cwru.edu


The young American tourist in Frankfurt didn't know any German,
but that wasn't going to stop him from getting laid. So he found
a bellhop who spoke English and said "Excuse me, I am new here,
how do I go about finding a woman?"
 
"What kind of woman?" asked the bellhop frankly.
 
At that moment the tourist's gaze fell on the most voluptuous
woman he had ever seen, just crossing the street in their direction.
 
"Like her", he said, inclining his head. "Healthy. A bit on the
chunky side. Energetic. Exuberant. Open..."
 
He was just getting warmed up, but the bellhop stopped him, saying
"You are in luck. She may be available just now. But you must tell
her what you want, and it must be with class. If she likes you, she
will take the lead.
 
The tourist dashed out the door to intercept the woman as she
moved bouncily, toward the curb, only to realize he didn't know
the word for sex. But by then it was too late, for she had stopped
and was waiting patiently for him to tear his eyes away from her
well-filled jeans and regain his speech. He just *knew* this athletic
young woman could give him the ride of his life, if only he could find
the *word*.
 
Suddenly he had it!   "Fahrvegnugen", he said, rotating his hips
slightly for emphasis.
 
She understood immediately, and reached for his hand.
 
 
 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: kurgan@spock.uucp (Andrew Twyman)
Subject: Re: jack and jill
Organization: Choate Rosemary Hall
Distribution: rec
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 19:12:13 GMT

In article <1992Nov13.1480.30892@execnet> "frank rosenbaum" <frank.rosenbaum@execnet.com> writes:
>> >>A jack and jill joke:
>Jack and Jill
>went up the hill
>each with a quarter
>Jill came down with fifty cents
>do you think they went for water.
>
>
>Jack and Jill 
>went up the hill
>to fetch a pail of water
>silly Jill forgot the pill
>and now they have a daughter.
>
>Jack and Jill
>went up the hill
>to fetch a pail of water
>Jack fell down on top of Jill
>and now they have another daughter

You missed the official Andrew Dice Clay version:

Jack and Jill
wnnt up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
the fuckin' hoar!
-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|  -"I have something to say.  It's better to burn out, than to fade away!"-  |
|                          -* THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE *-                        |
kurgan@choate.edu--------------------------------------------------------------
From: gb03@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (GEORGE PHILIP BLUHM)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: How to dump a blind date...
Date: 19 Nov 92 22:50:07 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <8947@unix386.Convergent.COM>, jeff@unix386.Convergent.COM (Jeff Beck
mann) writes:
>pact_ltd@uhura.cc.rochester.edu (Blade) writes:
>
>
>>      Somebody requested this, so here it is.  Enjoy.
>>(Apologies to the original poster.  I deleted the name for space in my
>>account. -- Pete)
>
>[ 4 copies of "MORE THAN FIFTY WAYS TO GET RID OF BLIND DATES" deleted ]
>[ 1 copy was 160 lines, the extra three added 480 more lines           ]
>
>I, for one, am glad you saved the space by removing the original
>posters name.  Wouldn't want to send that over the net 4 times,
>would we!
>
>Jeff
>
Take away her white cane.

Phylee THEE McNasty
From: doctor@k9.UUCP (Paul Broe)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Airline acronyms and names
Date: 16 Nov 92 19:30:09 GMT
Organization: Mostly Harmless...
X-NewsSoftware: GRn 1.16g (10.17.92) by Mike Schwartz & Michael B. Smith

In article <412@rd1.interlan.com> mark@sunburn.racal.COM (Mark Christophel) writes:
> In article 61o@acsu.buffalo.edu, v140pxgt@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (Daniel B Case) writes:
> >
> >	The thread on car names is going so well I thought I'd take the liberty
> >of starting one for airline acronyms and similar joke names. I have many, but 
> >you may certainly want to add some.
> >
> >TWA-Try Walking Across
> >Teeny Weeeny Airlines
> The Worst Airlines (personal experience)
> 
> Sabena (Belgium?) -- Such A Bloody Experience Never Again
> 

DELTA - Don't Even Let Them Aboard.

-- 
----
Paul Broe
Internet: broe@plains.nodak.edu
UUCP: uunet!plains!prototype!k9!doctor (My Amiga 2500/20)    AmigaUUCP 1.16D
BIX: pbroe Compu$erve: too expensive.                        AmigaOS 2.05
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ray@rgm.com (Ray Mendonsa)
Subject: Re: Female Masturbation!!!
Organization: RGM *nix - Sacramento, CA
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 18:10:23 GMT

shadow@r-node.gts.org (Jay Chu) writes:

>In article <97617@netnews.upenn.edu> pdyson@cattell.psych.upenn.edu (Paul J Dyson) writes:
>>
>>Speaking of euphamisms for female masturbation, I just happened
>>to have a few that I can add........
[content deleted]
>>Anyone got any more??????

reading
-- 
Ray Mendonsa ----- ray@rgm.com ---- Admin., rgm.com --------->
916/923-5013 8n1,HST -- login: new -- Public access Usenet -->
Oh yes. . .  It WILL be mine.
From: rjw@disco.rgm.com (robert willis)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Green Golf Ball Joke
Date: 18 Nov 92 12:39:53 GMT

filfeit@rael.Tymnet.COM (Fil Feit) writes:

>It's time to set the record straight on the Green Golf Ball Joke.

>The GGBJ has never appeared in this group or any other.  Internet
>is set up to recognize and delete the GGBJ whenever it is sent.

>It cannot be sent translated or uuencoded.  It cannot be transmitted
>in text, zip, lha, compress, or any other coding method.

>This was originally done as an experiment in Artificial Intelligence.
>The goal was to have the net check and reject the GGBJ.  It now does
>so in over 350 permutations and a total of 72 languages and dialects.

>I, personally, translated it to Mandarin, scanned it into a gif file,
>converted it to jpeg, broke it into four pieces, each rotated ninety
>degrees, and it STILL REJECTED IT, although part one did get through
>before the rest were stopped.  My account, however, was cancelled.

>If you really want the GGBJ, try giving a snail mail or fax address.
>Maybe someone will send it that way.

Hahaha, Like anyone is going to actually believe this??  Or does
this artificial inteligence program crack encryption too (ya right!), 
if it does exist encrypt it with crypt, DES or something and send the
key in a seperate message.
Organization: Freshman, CIT general, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 00:07:21 -0500 
From: Jason Paul Togyer <jt3y+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: ... GET A LIFE (GGBJ) ...

From: isupstud@bnr.ca (Todd Strilchuk)
<excessive ranting and raving deleted>

Geez!  Who the hell pissed in your Wheaties?

Oops!  I was supposed to E-mail this to you...wait...oh, drat, the Green
Golf Ball Joke just caused my Mac to....KABOOOM!

Calm down, for heaven's sake.  This is netnews.rec.humor, not
netnews.rec.have_a_stroke_and_die_from_high_blood_pressure.
8)

--Jason Togyer
     Carnegie Institute of Technology
     Pittsburgh, Penn.

**"The moral of the story is: don't count your boobies before they've hatched."
       --James Thurber
            'THE UNICORN IN THE GARDEN'
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 92 19:30:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: martin@cod.nosc.mil (Douglas W. Martin)
Subject: Blindness
Keywords: smirk

A man walks into the bathroom and starts speaking:  
"Son! How many times have I told you not to do that?  Stop it! If you
keep doing that, you'll go blind!"
The son replies:  
"I'm over here, Dad."


Organizations that serve the blind, are, in many cities called 
"The Lighthouse", e.g. in New York and San Francisco.  A friend told me,
"If an organization for the blind is to be called a "Lighthouse",
then an organization for the deaf should be called a "Fog horn".


--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.

Please!  No copyrighted stuff.  Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 92 3:20:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject:      DC's New Police Chief
From: JX655C@gwuvm.gwu.edu ( PJ Geraghty)
Keywords: topical, smirk

The District Of Columbia, long known as the "muder capital of the world"
because it has the highest per capita murder rate on the planet, announced
yesterday that it had hired a new polce chief, retired Deputy Chief Fred
Thomas.  Mr. Thomas is quoted in today's Washington Times as saying:

"Unfortunately, a lot of the crime and violence has been driven by our
youths--and for the past seven years, I've been working with them."

Guess things aren't going to change too much...

PJ Geraghty, FF2/NR/MDEMT-P          
5020 Battery Lane                   
Bethesda, MD 20814        (SnailMail)
301-652-0077/301-409-0648 (Telephone)
JX655C@GWUVM.GWU.EDU       (InterNet)
CG071@CLEVELAND.FREENET.EDU (FreeNet)


--
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Date: Wed, 18 Nov 92 4:30:04 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: mikes@cascade.ens.tek.com (Mike Skrydlak 503-627-5471)
Subject: IBM VM Joke - The 'Virtual' Printer.
Keywords: smirk

   Hearing the VM joke reminded me of what a co-worker once did. He taught
a VM class to Operations one day, explaining the VM concept of 'virtual'
vs 'real' devices. Everyone got it, except the first shift OPs supervisor.
It was generally agreed she had not gotten her position by technical
aptitude. He tried explaining the concept a few more times, then had to
move on. She threw a fit, saying it was his fault, he wasn't a good teacher,
etc..

   He apologized, smiled, and finished the class. Later that day, a myster-
ious thing happened: a mag-tape mysteriously appeared on the old dusty CDC
card-reader (maybe it was a paper punch !!) in the corner. It was threaded 
to an empty 'take-up' tape spool that was also 'jury-rigged' to the side of
the old punch. Underneath, a large sign was taped. It read:

			VIRTUAL TAPE READER

No person ever owned up, but I have my suspicions.
--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.

Please!  No copyrighted stuff.  Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 92 19:30:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: ronnyk@cs.stanford.edu (Ronny Kohavi)
Subject: Why God Never Received Tenure at the University
Keywords: smirk


I got this from Alon Efrat at the Technion, Isarel.


Why God Never Received Tenure at the University
-----------------------------------------------
1. Because He had only one major publication.
2. And it was in Hebrew.
3. And it had no references.
4. And it wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. And some even doubt He wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that He created the world but what has He published/done
   since ?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to repeat
   His results.


--
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.

Remember: Always give your jokes a descriptive "Subject:" line.
Don't use "joke" or "submission" or "joke submission," please.
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 92 3:20:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: dakrat@aol.com
Subject: How about "USSR - Classic"?
Keywords: topical, chuckle

Besides worrying about crises of our own, we in the military have been having
trouble coming to grips with the breakup of the Soviet Union.  Where it was
once easy to refer to the USSR as the bad guys, today we are faced with
figuring out the intentions of over a dozen new republics.  The following is
a list circulated by our Plans and Intelligence Flight that tries to simplify
the situation:

TOP TEN BEST NEW NAMES FOR THE FORMER USSR

 10.  BORIS:  Bolshevik Organized Republic of Independent States

  9.  COMMIES:  Confederation Of Muslim Monarchies & Independent
                       European States

  8.  RUBLES:  Russian Union of Bolshevik Led European States

  7.  REDS:  Russo-European Dominion of States

  6.  CAVIAR:  Confederation of Autonomous Violently Independent
                     Asian Republics

  5.  ACNE:  Association of Countries with No Economies

  4.  FEED US:  Farther Eastern European Dominion of United States

  3.  NIGHTMARE:  National Independent Governments Having Tribes
                           of Muslim, Asian, and Russian Extraction

  2.  SEWAGE:  States of Europe Without A Good Economy

And the Number One new name is...

  1.  NOTHING:  Nucleus Of Totally Helpless Independent National
                       Governments
--
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Date: Sun, 22 Nov 92 4:30:02 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: hpb@hpb.cis.pitt.edu (Harry Bloomberg)
Subject: Hot Release
Keywords: smirk, true, lawyers

   A resturant in Sharon, PA named Quaker Steak & Wings is famous in
Western Pennsylvania for their Buffalo-style hot wings.  If you want to
eat their hottest wings, they force you to sign the following release.


   Quaker Steak & Wings Atomic Chicken Wings
   HOLD HARMLESS AND INDEMNIFICATION AGREEMENT

   I, the undersigned, about to consume Atomic Chicken Wings being
served at the Quaker Steak & Wings, do hereby acknowledge that I am
aware that these wings are advertised and presented as "EAT AT YOUR OWN
RISK".  Furthermore, after being aware of the most extreme degree of
heat (between 100,000 and 300,000 units on the Scoville Heat Rating),
are willing to hold harmless Old Express Ltd., its owners, officers,
employees and agents.

   THE UNDERSIGNED ACKNOWLEDGES THAT HE/SE READ THE ABOVE AND
UNDERSTANDS THAT HE/SHE IS GIVING UP HIS/HER RIGHT TO RECOVER FOR ANY
ACTS INVOLVED WITH THE INGESTION OF THE ABOVE DESCRIBED FOOD PRODUCT.

___________________   ________________________________________
Date                  Signature



--
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Date: Mon, 16 Nov 92 19:30:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: usglkrx@gsusgi2.gsu.edu (Lori K. Rothman)
Subject: a child's view of death
Keywords: smirk, true

This is a true story:

My 5 year old niece, Katherine, was being put to bed for her nap by my
mother when the following conversation took place:

"Grandma, you are old"
"yes, I am"
"you're going to die"
"someday, yes I am"
"and grandpa is old and he is going to die"
"yes"
"and then my mommy and daddy will be old, and they are going to die"
"yes"
"and all my aunts and uncles will be old, and they will die"
"yes"
"and then my cousins and I will be old, and we will do whatever we want to!"

-- 

Lori Kent Rothman
usglkrx@gsusgi2.gsu.edu

--
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Date: Wed, 18 Nov 92 19:30:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: aahz@netcom.com (Aahzmandius)
Subject: Sometimes you want to hang up
Keywords: original, smirk

I work in tech support, and after back-to-back calls on the exact same
subject, I came up with the following:

Question: What's the difference between a stupid caller and an
intelligent caller?

Answer: About half an hour.

--
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