HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: megazone@obsidian.WPI.EDU (MegaZone23)
Newsgroups: alt.angst,alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Depression
Date: 15 Dec 1992 19:31:13 GMT
Organization: WPI USAF -- United Society of Animation Fans
NNTP-Posting-Host: obsidian.wpi.edu

In article <ivy.724436562@camelot> ivy@camelot.bradley.edu (Ivelisse Atiles) writes:
>While drinking alcohol may help quell any misgivings in any social
>situation, it actually causes more problems than it might solve.
>Believe me. I *know*!!!! I know I know I know I know.

OK... We need to avoid impressing personal beliefs on this, from both sides.
This is a personal decision we each must make on our own. I for one plan to 
spend Friday after my finals with my friends Glenfiddich and Jagermeister...
I was invited to an end of the term stress relief party... I don't feel the
need to drink, and I don't do it often, but I enjoy it from time to time...

And just to be open I'll say a bit more... Wonder if this blows my image...

Form time to time I have been known to smoke marijuana, use LSD, or psilocybin
(aka shrooms).... In fact some of the things I have written here or on other
groups were originally conceived in an altered state... I have accomplished
a lot, including getting over guilt I had carried for too many years... 
Remember, LSD was originally for psychiatric uses... But these uses are few
and far between and I view them as about the same as indulging in a movie or
some other form of entertainment... Although I do try to have some form of
positive accomplishment result... I believe in self investigation, trying to
explore the mind, and these are simply tools... I do my research and I play
safe...

Do I push these on others? No. If someonse asks for my help, advice, or
guidance I will do my best. There can be serious results and such use should
not be taken flipantly. I feel that I should have the right to make my own
decisions and as long as I do not harm others do as I please. Personally I
have no interested in any other substances, they hold no use for me.

I encourage everyone to do their own checking and make their own decisions.
Feel free to give and take advice, but each person has their own mind...

Now, how did I get on this soapbox in the first place?

###############################################################################
# I have one prejudice, and that is against stupidity.  Use your mind, think! #
#Email megazone@wpi.wpi.edu  Moderator, WPI anime FTP site 130.215.24.1 /anime#
###############################################################################
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard)
Subject: Re: Camus is my psychotherapist
Organization: /u1/duke/.organization
Date: 15 Dec 92 18:51:30



In article <1992Dec9.161518.1@woods.ulowell.edu> moranc@woods.ulowell.edu writes:

   ALBERT CAMUS SED IT BEST: (THIS IS A PARAPHRASE) THERE IS ONLY ONE DECISION
    IN LIFE:  WHETHER OR NOT
   TO KILL YOURSELF.  IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY CHOOSEN NOT TO
   KILL YOURSELF, THEREFORE, DO NOT BITCH!!!!

Alright, so she's a Caps Lock Clown, but this is a good point.

Depressing, but true.  
--
Duke Robillard, DoD #0130, duke@osf.org
From: thespian@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (Stephanie M. Clarkson)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Dorothy Parker
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 92 22:06:19 EST
Distribution: world
Organization: darkpark

winkern@columbia.dsu.edu (NANCY MARIE WINKER) writes:

> Rsum
> by Dorothy Parker
> 
> Razors pain you;
> Rivers are damp;
> Acids stain you;
> And drugs cause cramp.
> Guns aren't lawful;
> Nooses give;
> Gas smells awful;
> You might as well live.
> 
> (1926)
> 
> Merry Christmas!

danke, but that's been posted here several times already...that's why i 
refrained from throwing it at the nits who were talking about suicide as 
some grand and immortal purpose...
 
Do love Parker, though...
 
Stephanie...
 


    Stephanie M. Clarkson : thespian@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca         
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    What do you give the guy who  |  "Well, there are the usual           
    has nothing?                  |  things; flowers, chocolates,
     -- The wrong phone number.   |  promises you don't intend to
                                  |  keep."           - Cogsworth       
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: ST201026@brownvm.brown.edu (nathan marsh)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Why you're such a shit
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 21:44:58 EST
Organization: Brown University - Providence, Rhode Island  USA
NNTP-Posting-Host: brownvm.brown.edu
News-Software: BNN via BNN_POST v1.0 beta

In article <DUKE.92Dec18182926@portal.paperboy.osf.org>,
duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard) said:

>Why I'm such a shit

Yes.

>I'm pretty sure existence is meaningless.  Once you give up
>superstition (or religion or whatever), there seems to be a
>straightforward logical progression to the conclusion that you're just
>a chemical machine.  A machine that spends its time reacting in ways

[...the universe doesn't care, etc...]

>This is the source of angst, in the sense meant by the people who
>created the term--the existentialists and nihilists of the last half
>of the 19th and first half of the 20th century.  This is the feeling
>that all of Godot's characters have.  This is what causes the Sickness
>Unto Death.

Yes.  (Finding myself nodding and experiencing some revulsion at agreeing
with Duke, but he's *right* you know...)

Carying this further, while I can convince myself of the existence of
*self*, I think therefore I am and all that nonesense, I find it much
harder, on a fundamental level, to convince myself of the existance of
*other* selves.  It is impossible for me to ever experience the world
as anyone except myself, and thus I have *no proof* (this is a logical,
intellectual philosiphy that depends on empirical verification) that anyone
else is *really* there.  You could all just be robots or computers, with
no sense of self whatsoever.

So, life is meanignless, I'm just a chemical engine, and I'm completely
alone in the universe.  Why do I bother?  Why get out of bed in the
morning?  (Or afternoon, or evening, or whatever.)

I guess I just fool myself most of the time, that even though it doesn't
matter on a grand scale, I can contrive some importance for somethings.
For example, I'd rather live in a house than in a cardboard box.  This
means I need a job.  Preferably one that doesn't leave me bitter and
exhausted at the end of the day.  So I have to go to college.  Etc.

Fooling myself is also why I allow myself to find importance in a search
for an SO.  Even though it doesn't fundamentally change my aloneness in
the universe, I can talk to her and she can talk to me, and we can cuddle,
and we *feel* a little less alone.

>The angst-meme.  This I can believe.  One of the characteristics of
>the angst-ridden is a tendency to explain to the non-angst-ridden how
>the universe is cruel and uncaring.

I once refused to explain part of my life to someone, to protect her from
this knowledge.

 -n
--
 -nathan marsh
 -st201026@brownvm.brown.edu
Organization: Arizona State University
Date: Monday, 14 Dec 1992 13:58:30 MST
From: <IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET>
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: everything
 <1992Dec14.160359.22031@blaze.cs.jhu.edu> <1992Dec14.172039.7846@wam.umd.edu>
 <1992Dec14.191229.22032@ncsu.edu>

>live in a happily content state of complete denial.....

the only way i can be happy is in a state of denial, in denying everything
around me and everything my life is. at the moment tho, i'm happily numb and
can't feel anything at all, but it can't last.... nothing this pleasant
(being numb) ever does......

can i realistically function the rest of my life with a four-glasses-of-wine-
buzz, still manage to work for a living and still not giving a shit about

the world swirling in dark threatening clouds around me? probably not. damn.
it might have been interesting.....


j.
From: llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: finding unexpected condoms
Date: 12 Dec 92 19:40:17 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5


 gkplaine@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (Gk plaine) wrote:

: On the headboard of the bed I discover a used condom sitting there.  I
: always flush mine and it is still a little wet, so I know it isn't
: mine.  I say, "What's this?"  And she becomes all flustered and goes
: on about how she invited a friend over to watch a movie (one of the
: cute kids movies, with mice or ducks in it) and how she "suddenly
: discovers herself fucking this young virgin" on my bed, using my
: condoms, and they don't have the decency to clean up after
: themselves!!)

back in 89, i had to have my gallbladder removed. before i went in, i
gave my key to a very close female friend of mine because she and a
guy who had just dumped me for a different woman were gonna go by my
place and bring me books and clothes after the surgery. that all went
according to plan.

three days later, when i went home, i shuffled into my bathroom.
there, on the floor, was a used condom.

the guy denies to this day that he cheated on his new girlfriend in my
bed while i was having surgery, in spite of the evidence and the
testimony of the other woman involved. of course, he'd been busted by
the new gf just a few weeks before for boinking this same woman...

--
sine | deb
all men are slime.
and some women.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: lynn@fusion.physics.auburn.edu (Owen Lynn)
Subject: Re: alcohol
Organization: Auburn University, Auburn, AL
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 06:38:56 GMT

Several people have written regarding the merits/disadvantages
of ethyl alchol. I decided to spend some time in therapy with
Mr. Smirnoff after reading some of your advice. I learned three
things from this therapy session. One, Mr. Smirnoff can make
things really relaxed. All is at peace with you and the world,
if only temporarily. Two, Mr. Smirnoff tastes better with tropical
punch Kool-Aid, than tonic water. You can get really sozzled if
you don't watch that turbo Kool-Aid. Three, I need to get some
more vodka for next quarter. Well, finals are over, I'm banished
to LowTechVille until January. Until then, may the road rise with
you.

Owen Lynn
Xref: sparky alt.angst:4795 alt.suicide.holiday:3079
From: llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst,alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Depression
Date: 14 Dec 92 22:04:49 GMT
Followup-To: alt.angst
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5


 lynn@physics.auburn.edu (Owen P Lynn) writes:

:         1. I'm a lifeless geek.
:            a. I'm 20 and still a virgin
:            b. I've had only one date
:            c. My chances at meeting members of the opposite
:               sex can only go DOWN as time increases. [...]
:            d. For all intents and purposes, I am INVISIBLE
:               to members of the opposite sex.

instead of joining the chorus of "20's not that old to be a virgin"
(they're right, though), i'm curious about the implied message here:
unless you're getting laid, you don't have a life. unless you have
"true love" you don't have a life.

love's a nice thing, addictive in its own way. and having a regular
sex partner and someone to cuddle up with is nice, too. but does the
lack of these things automatically mean you have no life at all? say
i'm doing interesting, fun, creative things and hanging out with
friends and just sort of existing in a way that makes me really happy,
not actively seeking romance but not closing it out. is all that
pointless unless i'm getting fucked x number of times per week?

in fairness, i don't think that's what you meant, but it's a logical
consequence of your words. maybe that attitude is present to some
degree in your life?

:         2. The more we know about the universe, the more it
:            seems pointless.
:            a. everything outside of earth is extremely hostile
:               to human life.

as well as most things on it...

it is pointless. there is no reason to go on. there is no reason to
live, except to be utterly perverse and basically say "in your face"
to a universe that doesn't give a fuck anyway. i happen to get off on
doing that.

:         3. Humans are incredibly selfish, greedy, stupid animals
:            with no long term memory, and no ability to think
:            about the future. Who cares what happens? We're all
:            going to be dead very soon, with respect to the universe,
:            and even geological history. We're just a flash in the
:            pan.

i'll worry about geological time when it becomes a salient factor in
my life (ie, not any bloody time soon). and life does suck, and people
are scum, mostly, and there's just no argument to refute any of that.
but so what? i know life sucks, i know people are bastards. so the
times when really cool stuff happens are even better, and in between
those times i can write and think and post drivel to alt.angst.

--
sine | deb
coping via self-delusion and
basic pigheadedness.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard)
Subject: Re: Camus is my psychotherapist
Organization: /u1/duke/.organization
Date: 17 Dec 92 18:03:57


 bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy) writes:

   In a previous article, duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard) says:
   >In article <85091@ut-emx.uucp> llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:
   >
   >   the stuff i write on this group is total self-indulgence,
   >
   >That's why it's so dull, sine.

   And then he says some other things along that same vein.

   I completely disagree. ...

   It serves no purpose for you to post a negative response.

Are you perhaps confused about which newsgroup this is?  I 
think you may have been looking for alt.chat.nice or maybe
alt.fan.smurf.  

Negativity is the point, Jeanne Leidy.

--
Duke Robillard, DoD #0130, duke@osf.org
Xref: sparky alt.angst:4834 talk.bizarre:41838
From: bc@Apple.COM (bill coderre)
Newsgroups: alt.angst,talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: syrupy holiday movies (was: this may be angst, I think)
Date: 15 Dec 92 20:20:24 GMT
Followup-To: alt.angst
Distribution: usa
Organization: Apple Computer Inc, Cupertino, CA

sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay) writes:
|NO!....NO!...NO!..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
|Death to Disco,Lava Lamps, Big Ugly Gold Medallions,Pet Rocks, Nehru
|Jackets and everything else spawned by the Decade of All Plasticity
|and Evil!
|KILLKILLKILLKILL!!!!!!

Hee hee hee. I dance a little jig.

I think I shall record a K-Tel style "Hooked on Love" that features a
medley of 70's TV theme songs that feature the word "LOVE"
prominently, such as:
	Love Boat
	Love American Style 
and	"Love is All Around" (Mary Tyler Moore Show) [1]

All with that wonderful boom-CHCK beat.

It'll make a great follow-on to "HOOKED ON ZEP"

mr HEINOUS
professore of musical sociopathology,
Pharmakoepia of Musikal Karnage,
a wholly-owned division of X-Industries R+D, Inc.

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan)
Subject: Re: Why I'm such a shit
Organization: Johns Hopkins Computer Science Department, Baltimore, MD
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 1992 00:47:06 GMT

duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard) writes:

>I'm pretty sure existence is meaningless.  Once you give up
>superstition (or religion or whatever), there seems to be a
>straightforward logical progression to the conclusion that you're just
>a chemical machine.  A machine that spends its time reacting in ways
>that, evolutionarily speaking, tend to cause the generation of more,
>similar chemical machines.  The Universe doesn't care.  God is an
>invention to help change the behaviour of said machines in ways that
>will increase the population.

>This is all very logical, and doesn't require any leap of faith, or
>any belief in something that we don't understand currently.  This
>makes it incredibly attractive, intellectually.  Unfortunately, it's
>also incredible depressing.

>This is the source of angst, in the sense meant by the people who
>created the term--the existentialists and nihilists of the last half
>of the 19th and first half of the 20th century.  This is the feeling
>that all of Godot's characters have.  This is what causes the Sickness
>Unto Death.

Your first paragraph contradicts your claim (in another posting) that Hesse and
Dostoyevsky wrote angst literature.  Dostoyevsky was religious, and very 
interested in moral affairs.  Hesse may not have been religious, but he was 
certainly interested in mystic symbolism.  In any case, neither of these
novelists believed the universe to be mechanistic and meaningless.  Or at
least, if they did, I don't know why they bothered to write all those novels
and essays.

However, I still agree that Hesse and Dostoyevsky are angst novelists (at
least in the sense it seems to be interpreted here).  For example, try Hesse's 
_Beneath the Wheel_, and Dostoyevsky's _The Idiot_.

Now, I must tell you that I used to spend time pondering ideas such as those 
in the first paragraph.  I never found them depressing.  On one level, they
are quite liberating.  However, in the end, I find them unsatisfying.  Does
this mean they are false?  By no means.  But if I feel happier looking for
meaning in the universe, this is exactly what I intend to do.  Who knows?
If I look hard enough, I might find some.  What you have presented is the
null hypothesis.  I'd prefer something more interesting.  Very unscientific
on my part; positively opposed to Occam's razor!  However, it boils down to 
this: Do I want to be scientific, or do I want to be happy?  I tried being 
scientific, and now I'd rather be happy.

--
Paul Callahan
callahan@cs.jhu.edu
From: llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: age, christmas, booze
Date: 11 Dec 92 20:41:27 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5


 mhr@slacvm.slac.stanford.edu (MH Ross ) writes:

: Here I've been lurking for the past few months, feeling oddly a part
: of this group but at the same time unworthy.  

that's pretty much the way i felt before i started posting here
(obviously something i've gotten over). i'm glad you unlurked; i
enjoyed reading this piece a lot.

: I drive home.  I drive the
: babysitter home.  He is sixteen.  I notice that he has drawn on his
: baseball cap to change the word "SOX" to "SEX".  I wonder what his
: sixteen year old hormones think of me.  I have no intention of
: seducing the babysitter.  I just want to know whether a sixteen year
: old man-in-the-making thinks of me, if even in the slightest way, as
: an attractive, sexy woman, or just as the kid's mom, the man's wife,
: the person responsible for the stale food in the refrigerator.

this really resonates. the whole wanting to be seen as desirable, even
by someone i have no intention of ever sleeping with. just knowing that
someone who doesn't "have" to wants you. it's what rachel was talking
about a while ago, the presence of desire being more important than
the act. i once got involved with a much much younger male because he
said to me unexpectedly and shyly, "i, uh, kinda want you." major ego
boost.

: But I am still left with the desire to get good and drunk, wrap myself
: in Christmas garland, and seduce a stranger under the mistletoe.

yes. just having that as an option would be so cool.

--
sine | deb
"some of these dreams will come true.
others are destined to become dreams deferred" -- king missile
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: dsteinbe@nmsu.edu (David Steinberg)
Subject: Re: Depression
Organization: New Mexico State University
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 16:38:42 GMT

In article <85342@ut-emx.uucp> llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:

     (orginal article deleted)

>
>instead of joining the chorus of "20's not that old to be a virgin"
>(they're right, though), i'm curious about the implied message here:
>unless you're getting laid, you don't have a life. unless you have
>"true love" you don't have a life.
>
>love's a nice thing, addictive in its own way. and having a regular
>sex partner and someone to cuddle up with is nice, too. but does the
>lack of these things automatically mean you have no life at all? say
>i'm doing interesting, fun, creative things and hanging out with
>friends and just sort of existing in a way that makes me really happy,
>not actively seeking romance but not closing it out. is all that
>pointless unless i'm getting fucked x number of times per week?
>
>in fairness, i don't think that's what you meant, but it's a logical
>consequence of your words. maybe that attitude is present to some
>degree in your life?

While I think that having a SO is not that big of a deal, not having
one is.  You see all of these people with someone they can count on,
someone they can trust and turn to in times of need.  Then you look at
yourself and say, "Why don't I have that?  What's wrong with me..."
Now that's depressing.  People think having a SO will change
everything.  It won't.  You get used to it.  It just becomes an
everyday part of your life.  So people with them forget how much of an
obession it is to be without one...

-David "ZZYZX" Steinberg- King of the ellipses
       (dsteinbe@emmy.nmsu.edu)
**********************************************************************
*"There's a dog in the station  *"I can't believe I'm a junior and a *
* With a bad reputation         * film major, when all I really      *
* That's a sign of the nation's * wanted in this life was to marry a *
* Decay"                        * lobsterman and cook fish."         *
* -Phish                        * -a letter from Christie Searing    *
**********************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: kilroy@acme.gen.nz (earthbound misfit, I)
Subject: Let's Do Lunch!
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 92 11:06:52 GMT
Organization: ACME BBS - Public Access Usenet, Palmerston North, New Zealand

I'd been going to ring her, honestly! As soon as I got a chance I was
gonna give her a call and say hi. My attitude could not *in any way* be
characterised as one of fear to anxiety about talking to her. It's true!!

So this morning she beat me to it and rang me. We chatted and arranged to
have lunch. The plan was for me to walk across campus to her office and
we'd go on from there.

The middle of the day approaches, and after getting a little engrossed in
what I was doing I stuck my head round the corner of the room to check the
wall clock. Egad! It was 1:10pm, I was ten minutes late!

I dashed across to her building and raced up stairs. It's amazing, as soon
as I reached her office incoherence set in and I mumbled a
half-intelligible apology for being late. She didn't really comment and we
started exchanging your typical (nervous, at least on my part) small talk.

Lunch was good, we sat outside the cafe and conversed some more as we ate.
That went reasonably well I suppose, but I still hated every minute of it.
I wish I had some control over myself, as I soon as I get into this sort
of situation I become painfully aware of every little detail of my
surroundings, particularly what I say and how I say it. I can't help it,
normally I'm okay, even when talking to grils, but when it's someone I'm
attracted to things just go rapidly down hill and any attempts at
thoughtful stimulating conversation goes straight out the window. I think
I'm getting better though, at least I hope so.

After what's happened previously I'm keeping my expectations pretty low,
but it's hard to repress the overwhelming naive hope that envelops me, my
normal pessimism (well, I think it's realism) becomes lost when I'm in the
presence of someone I'm attracted to (and think might be attracted to me).
She did say LJBF all those months ago, but it can be interpreted as
"...now" rather than "...ever", which naturally I've done. And so I hope.

So I angst. Just your average low grade "it's a Gril!" angst, but angst
nonetheless. And frankly I'm not enjoying it at all.

						- k
-- 
Craig Harding            kilroy@acme.gen.nz             ACME BBS +64 6 3551342
"Jub'er lbh pnyyvat n obmb?"