Newsgroups: soc.women,alt.child-support,talk.abortion
Subject: Re: What can we expect from President Hill
From: lisa@oneb2.almanac.bc.ca
Date: Sat, 09 Jan 93 10:59:21 PST
Organization: The Old Coot's (Spare) Almanac

sbishop@desire.wright.edu writes:

> In article <ARCHER.665.726503785@utkvm1.utk.edu>, ARCHER@utkvm1.utk.edu (T. A
> > Has anybody else made the following observation:
> > 
> > When asked, "What happened?"  following a breakup, women have many answers.
> > 
> > "He didn't really love me."
> > "He was married to his work."
> > "He was too insensitive."
> > 
> > Just to name a couple.
> > 
> > When asked the same question, men have ONE answer.
> > 
> > "She went nuts.  I don't understand.  She just went nuts."
> > 
> > I have been given to understand that this is because women in general are 
> > more sensative than men to kinesic communication (body language), and tend 
> > to communicate that way.  Men, primitive creatures that we are, expect to 
> > communicate verbally, and miss most of what is going on during the endgame.
> > 
> 
> I also wonder how many couples went in for counciling to try to reconcile
> their differences.  I've seen quite a few divorces that would have been
> averted by counciling.  Since I know several women who are divorced and 
> who have discussed their divorces with me, a few of them have said they
> begged their husbands to go to counciling with them but they refused.
> Let's hear the male view on this.  I don't have any close male friends
> who are divorced so I just don't have that viewpoint.  
> How about an honest answer from all the divorced people out there, male
> and female.  How many of you asked (or were asked) to go to counciling
> with your former mate?  How many went?
> 
> 
> > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
> > Vote Dempublican, it's easier than thinking.
> > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
> 
 Sue,

I asked. Several times.  I went, on my own and without him, several times.
He finally came with me on two separate occasions, one year apart, and only
immediately after two very brief separations (initiated by myself), without
any follow-up.  As soon as he apparently felt "safe" again (ie. we were back
together), he no longer had any interest in counselling.

I regularly went to counselling about our marriage several years before we split.
The first time he went was less than two years before our final separation,
though the on-going problems we were having existed long before then and it
had long seemed very obvious to me that we were unable to resolve them on our
own.  Oh well.

The relationship that I have now is wonderful.  Both of us regularly work
with clients in counselling, and we both have a keen interest in relationship
dynamics, self-exploration and so on.  We did seek counselling for ourselves
briefly last year, seeking help  dealing with the very difficult issues
that continue to arise for us as a result of my ex's conduct, attitudes, etc.,
in his relationship/obligations with our daughters.  It was very helpful for us,
especially Gary I think, and well worth it in both of our opinions.

Anybody else?

Lisa:-)


Lisa Lambeth                             lisa@oneb2.almanac.bc.ca
                      The Old Coot's Almanac
               Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada
                    Courtesy the old coot hisse'f!
Newsgroups: soc.women