From: aidler@sanjuan.UVic.CA (E Alan Idler)
Subject: Re: Child Security and Childcare (was Re: 20/20 and Spanking)
Organization: University of Victoria
Date: 12 Nov 92 21:09:08 GMT

Mark Wuest <mdw@trumpet.att.com> writes:

>I wouldn't say that - if there is abuse going on, I would hope I would
>make it my business...

>>Your apparent eagerness to judge the situation shows you have not
>>considered all possibilites.

>This I learned yesterday to agree with.  Type "j" now if you don't
>want to read my long anecdote...

>FWIW - the policy with the children's program at our church is no parents
>stay in the class.  Why is Yet Another Thread.

>There is a toddler (~18 mo) who's parents just started visiting our church
>4 weeks ago.  His first day in class was ok - his aunt dropped him off,
>he cried a couple of minutes, and then played with the rest of the kids.

>The next week, he was what we call a "screamer".  We had his aunt go
>around the corner to wait a few minutes to see if he would stop crying.
>He didn't.  In fact, he was so upset he threw up (he wasn't sick).  We
>got his aunt, he stopped.  He stayed with her.  I start worrying about
>his homelife but don't tell anyone.

Our 3 children have been in a similar child-minding service
at our church.  None of our children have expressed any
crying (either in anxiety or in temper) at having been
left in this nursery.  

When either I or Mrs. Idler would walk our child to this
nursery (for children 18 months to 3 years), he or she
will hurry us along to get to the room and immediately 
join the routine.
When we see that they are participating nicely, we will
dismiss ourselves.
Our child will be just as eager to accompany us when we
retrieve them 2 hours later.

I, too, sometimes ponder why many other children become 
insufferable at the prospect of being separated from their 
parents.

>I thought of other explanations:  The child had a real bad experience
>in some other child-care facility.  The child has never been left
>anywhere by the parents (true in this particular instance, BTW).

Our children are only rarely out of our care so I 
have no explanation for this child's situation.
They know that we trust the nursery care givers and
that we will be available in any emergency so they
feel the nursery is a "safe place."

>Any other ideas?  Solutions?

Separation anxiety must play a large role because the
children of visitors are usually in the most distress 
regarding "strangers."  
However, our children are just as confident playing in
other nurseries when we were visiting.

>Here's what *I* learned: It can be real difficult to pinpoint why a child
>acts the way they do without knowing the parents.  Even then, it is
>often revealing to "hang out" with a family for an evening.  Dropping
>in unexpectedly would, I bet, be even more revealing!  ;-) ;-)

I feel our children may find nursery a more fulfilling 
experience because we present it to them as a desirable 
place for them to enjoy (rather than as a "warehouse" for 
children).  Remember, children may be even more sensitive 
to non-verbal communication cues because language skills
aren't as available to them.

Secondly, we have never capitulated to tantrums and other
emotional displays so our children don't use them as a 
lever with us.

>OBTW - my wife and I help coordinate the Sunday School portion of the
>children's program in our "sector" (~120 kids) of our church.

God bless you in your service to His little ones.

A IDLER
Newsgroups: misc.kids