From: JBrandt@AAA.UOregon.EDU (Jay Brandt)
Subject: Punday, 9/8 - Jason
Organization: University of Oregon, Architecture
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 92 16:35:15 GMT

<Ping! ing! ng! g! !>

A small shower of sparks appears at the left end of the bar.

<Fssttt! Sptk! . . . Ping! ng! !>

The patrons at that end clear out of the way as a shape starts to
materialize. Or rather, as it tries to materialize. It looks like the
transporter effect from the original Star Trek TV series, but when
something is going -very- wrong!

{Scotty! Give me more power! Ach, I canna do it captn. The crew in
Physical Plant had the entire campus power grid down for testing all day
Labor Day. All the Mail servers are off-line!. Were only runnin on your
PowerBooks battery pack, and the low power warning ha come on twice!
Give it all youve got Scotty! Were losing him! Aye aye Captn, cross
phasing your razor and the juke box from crew lounge 14 now!}

<Fssttt! Sptk! BANG!! {Ah, my poor barins!}. . . Sput! Ping! ng! ! Sput!
Sput!>

Mike fishes a keyboard and a joystick out from under the bar and fiddles
with them a minute. The image starts to clear up. Another shower of sparks
erupts, this time from the floor instead of the ceiling. {Ach Captn, that
does it! I dinna know where its commin from, but were gettin a new power
feed! Mail servers commin on line now!} Mike puts the keyboard and
joystick away.

<Ping!>

Jason finally resolves into existence and collapses onto a stool at the end
of the bar. He looks thoroughly bedraggled, like someone just dragged him
through a seldom used attic. He looks up at last, blinks a few times and
speaks.

Darned power failures. I hate it when they do that to me! Failsafe
programs are all well and good, but stasis loops are -so- boring! 

He shakes his head, and his eyes seem to find their focus.

Hi mike. They caught me in the Matrix with that power failure, while I was
on the way here. Ill have a Henry Weinhards Private Reserve, dark. With a
pilsner glass, thanks. 

Mike reaches under the bar and produces a long-necked beer bottle with a
dark blue label, adorned by a fancy gold seal. He uncaps it, then places
the pilsner glass upside down over the bottle and hands Jason the set.
Jason reaches out with his left hand, grabs glass and bottle in an
upside-down grip, and inverts them swiftly. Then with his right hand he
slowly raises the bottle, filling the glass. When he removes the bottle,
all the foam is still in it. He looks admiringly at the dark brown brew,
takes a long, steady pull, and relaxes facing the regulars.

Ah, thats better. he says. He looks around and greets the few people he
recognizes.  Hi Kitten! Hlo Bear! Thanks a lot for the welcome earlier.
You too Spacey. 

<Sighs.> I know Ive just -beerly- arrived, and its still quite early in
the day, but would anyone mind if Jason -hops- right in with an entry for
the Punday Night competition?

He gets a few polite groans and a small shower of peanuts.

Now I cant rightly claim this one as my own, since as with most
worthwhile pun-ishment that bears repeating, it was inflicted on me first
by a friend. Ill come up with some more original stuff later, I assure
you. This comes by way of my friend Michael Shebora, who is also known as
Torvald McConnachie in the Kingdom of An Tir, which is one of the Laurel
Kingdoms of the SCA. It doesnt bear directly on the SCA, but rather was
something he said to my wife and I as we parted after a tournament. Its
something of a musical pun.

Now, lets just say I was going to go away for a while on vacation. I ask
you if you would take care of as few of my pets while I was away, and you
agree. Just before I leave, I pull up at your house with a huge truck
hauling a small trailer. I hand you the keys, pat you on the back and walk
off, never to be seen for two weeks. In the truck are two very inebriated
sea-mammals. In the trailer are two female sheep. What do you now have?

Jason leans back with a smirk on his face, while everyone tries to guess.

{Scroll down for the answer}




















Jason starts to sing to a familiar cowboy melody. Happy whales, two ewes,
until we meet again . . . and ducks as a new shower of peanuts erupts in
his direction. (The tune was _Happy trails to you_.)  :-)

Thats all for now. My service hotline just rang, so I gotta get to work!
I will return this evening with my wife for a chalkline toast, but I dont
have time to type it all in now.

<Hugs all around.>

His PowerBook is hanging from a shoulder strap. He presses the button on it
and fades rapidly from sight with a soft <Ping!>

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Jay B. Brandt,                 |  Internet: JBrandt@AAA.UOregon.EDU
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Architecture and Allied Arts,  |  Voice Phone: (503) 346-2094
University of Oregon,          |  
Eugene, Oregon, USA    97403   |  FAX Phone:   (503) 346-3626
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