From: jrsalt@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Julie Salter)
Subject: Re: Honesty, Honestly!
Organization: Salter, Inc.
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 16:41:44 GMT

kkwwkk@mixcom.com (TA Shaw) shares: 

>I've also been completely honest with Julie, our esteemed
>Prez of the RFA, but alas poor Prez doesn't know everything 
>about me either.

Well, of course not.  You can not truly get to EVERYthing about another
person unless you've spent a LOT of time with them....not just in email or
phone calls, but in person.  I feel as though I know you fairly well, but
that's about it.

>So who does know everything about me?  Anyone hazard a guess?
>If you guessed me, BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT, thank you for playing and
>we have some nice parting gifts for you. (I said parting, not
>farting....sheesh...)

I think it takes a lot of work for someone to truly know themselves completely
and most people don't go to the trouble for a number of reasons. They may not
like what they see when they get in there.  And they might find there are
some things they need to change which will take a lot of work.

>
>Do I need to tell someone about my past?  Do I need to tell someone
>about my dreams?  Do I need to tell someone about my fears?  I
>don't think so, although I need to be honest with my significant
>other, but that does NOT mean I have to tell them everything.  This
>in turn does not mean I am keeping secrets either...

Depends on the relationship I guess, but I have learned that it can be
a wonderful experience to have another person know everything about you....
even those deep dark things you have never told anyone else.  I believe that
Steven knows everything about me.  And I him.  And it has helped us be
closer IMHO.  I understand him so much better now since I know most if not
all the things in his past that made him HIM.  I more easily understand his
reactions to things and know how to approach him about things.  And the
same goes for him towards me.

I think its VERY important to share things like fears.  Then and only then,
can someone help with them.  I'll give an example (but then, you knew I
would).  When I was a kid, I had an uncle that tickled me all the time.  I
don't mean just tickle, I mean TICKLE.  He wouldn't stop even when I was
crying for him to.  He was slightly retarded and saw it as fun.  Now, I
shared that with Steven one day.  My ex had heard that story and didn't care.
He would tickle me relentlessly and I resented him for it.  Steven is now
very careful to not tickle me too much.  Just enough to make me giggle, but
he stops.  Without that understanding, Steven might have tickled me too much
and I might have held hard feelings about that. But, being a sensitive man (and
perfect) he learned from my sharing what my needs where in that area.  And, 
the more we learn about one another, the more efficiently we can meet one
another's needs.

As far as dreams....if you don't share them with a person you are serious
about, how do you know your dreams aren't going in opposite directions?
If my dreams included moving to England someday, and Steven's included
becoming an American Astronaunt...it would have been unlikely that we
should have married.  But, our dreams included the same things...quiet 
lifestyle, home, family, school at IU, etc.  Therefore, in that area, we
became a good match.

Well, I guess that's enough of that....


>P.S. It should be noted that I used Rip's and Julie's name in
>vain without their express written consent.  Oh well. So Sue
>me. As long as Sue is redheaded, or brunette or blonde....er..
>never mind.  I'm revealing too much.

No need for legal action.  I'll accept cash or check....


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Julie Salter<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
            President, Romantic Fire Association
  Wife of the Official Fireside Sex Advisor..AKA: Steven Salter
"Look into my eyes...you will see....what you mean to me......"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>email: jrsalt@silver.ucs.indiana.edu<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Newsgroups: alt.romance.chat