From: partha@mse.ogi.edu (R. Parthasarathy)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian
Subject: SHYNESS
Date: 24 Dec 92 02:51:31 GMT
Article-I.D.: ogicse.47690
Distribution: world
Organization: Oregon Graduate Institute, Material Science & Engineering

I stumbled upon the following article that appeared long ago in the
Oregonian news paper. I had preserved it and lost it amidst the
heap of papers on my table and it resurfaced when I tried to clean
out my desk. 

The contents of the articles might catch the attention of many
Indians. We are, in general, shy people. We feel quite uneasy in
the middle of others. We never clearly express exactly what we have
in our minds because of our consciousness about others in our
vicinity. Indians seldom ask questions in classes and I feel that
shyness is one of the main reasons for it. There are exceptions for
sure. However, the general Indian public would find this article
addressing them rather directly. This also does not mean that there
are no shy people amongst other societies. 

It was written by Jane. E. Brody and is reproduced here without her
permission. Standard disclaimers apply.

Partha sarathy
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                           Why So Shy?
                         (Jane E. Brody)

Perhaps you dread being among people you don't know or seek the
security of a quiet corner at parties. Or may be you can speak your
mind among people you know well but cannot defend your rights or
express your feelings to strangers or authority figures. You may be
adept at one-on-one conversations with friends, but become tongue-
tied or terrified at having to address a group. Or may be only
certain groups frighten you. And who does not feel shy when
discussing personal problems with a health professional?

So, if shyness is a character flaw, it is one that nearly everyone
shares. Indeed, about 40% of adults describe shyness as one of
their persistent personality traits, according to a survey of 10000
US adults by researchers at Stanford University. The findings
suggest that for 2 million adults, shyness is a serious problem
that inhibits their social and professional growth. In its most
extreme form, shyness can become a crippling fear called
agorophobia that turns people into emotional prisoners who are
afraid to leave their homes.

Recent research not only has delved into the origiins and
manifestations of shyness, but therapists also have developed
techniques for overcoming it, even in its most severe forms.
Shyness is an anxiety reaction in social situations, a failure of
confidence and extreme discomfort when interacting with or
confronting other people. Shy people are overly concerned with
themselves - how they look, how they sound, how others view them.
They are afraid they will be regarded as foolish, unattractive,
unintelligent and unworthy. But they are not uncommon. The stanford
survey found that only one person in 20 reports never having
suffered attacks of shyness.

Of those questioned, 40% said they used to be shy but somehow
overcame their reticence. And 15% said that they are shy under
certain circumstances, like being at a party with strangers,
delivering a speech or when asked personal questions in public.   
Dr. Philip G. Zimbardo, a psychologist at Stanford university, who
has spent two decades studying shyness, said the all too familiar
symptoms of shyness include blushing, cold clammy hands, dry mouth,
excessive perspiriation, trembling legs or hands, pounding heart,
queasy stomach, a sinking feeling or even a sudden need to go to
the bath room. The person experiencing such anxiety may describe
feelings of embarrassment, self-consciousness, inadequacy or
inferiority and a desperate desire to get out of the situation. 
Among the behavioral characteristics typical of shy people are an
inability to make eye contact when talking to others, an avoidance
of social gatherings and a tendency to speak in a voice almost too
low to be heard. Shy people may never volunteer or complain about
poor service or go back to a store to return an unwanted item or
rectify an error. They may suffer in silence about inequalities at
work, have difficulty in describing symptoms to a physician and be
unable to convey their desires to their sex partners.

Shy people are unable to "sell" themselves to others. They tend to
have few, if any, friends. They avoid intimate contact and they
fail to seek promotions, raises and other rewards for jobs well
done. Lacking the skills for righting a wrong, a shy person may
sometimes over react to a distressing situation by becoming
belligerent, Zimbardo reported. The resulting confrontation merely
reinforces the shy person's belief that he or she is socially
inadequate or lacks personal control. Various studies in recent
years have identified three potential sources of shyness: heredity,
lack of social skills and improper social programming that fosters
poor self-esteem instead of self confidence.

One study, conducted by psychologists at Yale and Harvard
universities, found that 10 to 15% of children are born with a
propensity to be shy. We have all seen infants who turn away from
strangers and toddlers who hide behind a parent when spoken to,
even by an adult they know. Dr. Jerome Kagan of Harvard reports
that shy infants and toddlers develop a rapid heart rate and become
wary, withdrawn, reserved and silent when faced with unfamiliar
people or new situations. Even an enticing new toy may not draw
them out of themselves.

Such children seem to have nervous systems that are too easily
aroused. Their hypersensitivity makes them uncomfortable, self-
conscious, even panicky in social settings. Of course,
circumstances play a role in determining whether an inherited
tendency to become shy is expressed. The Yale-Harvard study
revealed that two-thirds of shy children had older siblings who
perhaps bullied or belittled them, shaking their self-confidence.
Parents can also undermine a child's self-esteem through repeated
negative comments about the child's ability or appearance or by
failing to praise the child's accomplishments, however limited.

Kagan found that children who were not shy as infants and toddlers
did not become shy when reaching school age. And about one third of
those who started out shy were less so by 5 or 6. He reported that
this group had been encouraged by their parents to be more
assertive and to think more highly of themselves. Zimbardo said
that most shyness represents a learned pattern of reactions, either
from social experiences in which the person got degraded or
ridiculed or from the lack of competent role model.

Contrary to popular belief, people can change. Even a lifelong
shyness can be overcome, and many professionals conduct clinics and
workshops to help people gain the self confidence and social skills
that will enable them to assert themselves in most situations. Even
agorophobia can be successfully treated in programs in which people
are placed in a state of deep relaxation and then gradually exposed
to social situations they fear.

Even without seeking professional help, there is much that shy
people can do for themselves. These are some tips, that
psychologists recommend:

1. Rehearse what you want to say. Write down your questions,
complaints, desires, medical symptoms or whatever. Read them out
loud, first by yourself, then in front of a mirror, then on the
telephone and finally face to face with a friend.

2. Build your self-esteem by focussing on your strong points and
praising yourself for good deeds or a good performance. Avoid
putting yourself down. Focus only on the positive. Never dwell on
what you or others perceive as weak points. Concentrate on turning
stumbling blocks into stepping stones, rather than making them
impenetrable barriers.

3. Practise smiling and making eye-contact. Start with a mirror,
progress to a good friend or relative, then try it with
acquaintances and finally with strangers.

4. Work to improve your speaking voice and volume by talking into
a tape recorder. Make successive tapes and compare them with
earlier ones to see how much better your are getting.

5. Observe and copy the behavior patterns of people who are
assertive, who can get what they want without being obnoxious. See
how others laugh at themselves when things go wrong, rather than
launching into a self-depracating tirade.

6. Remember that you are not alone. At least two out of every five
people are probably as uncomfortable as you are in the same
situation. In fact, find someone else who seems shy and try to help
them by initiating a conversation.

7. Do not try to hide your true self. Accept who you are. Think of
your peculiarities as speacial traits that make you distinctive,
rather than odd and unattractive.
8. When with other people, focus your attention on them and what
they are saying. Ignore the inner voice that is trying to draw your
attention to your own words, actions and appearance.

9. Use imagery to enact a mental scenario of social success. Do not
dwell on negative outcomes.

10. Practise relaxation teqniques, like deep breathing, meditation,
yoga and other means of reducing stress.

11. In addition avoid using alochol or drugs to relax. These can
reduce rather than enhance your self-control and increase the
chance that  you will make a fool out of yourself.

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Hope this article was useful to you.