HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: diamond@acpub.duke.edu (Elizabeth Abrams)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: "want" vs "need"
Date: 2 Sep 92 23:17:46 GMT
Organization: Duke University; Durham, N.C.

In article <1992Sep2.190005.13186@csi.uottawa.ca> misrael@csi.uottawa.ca (Mark Israel) writes:
>   "I need X" is shorthand for "I need X in order to do Y."
>
>   Thus, "I need food" is shorthand for "I need food in order to live."  "I need
>a pencil" is shorthand for "I need a pencil in order to write."
>
>   If there's no Y, then what we have is a *want*, not a *need*. 
>
>   Note that with these definitions, it's possible to be more desperate for
>something you want than for something you need!
>
>> I am leery of men who "need" to have a girlfriend [...]	
>
>   Ask them what they "need" a girlfriend in order to do.
>
>
>   Greetings to all from my new location, BTW!  To those whom I owe e-mail -- 
>sorry!  These are busy times for me, but I may still surprise you.
>
>misrael@csi.uottawa.ca			Mark Israel
>Sunbeams brightly play, where Fancy's fair pavilion once is pight.

Well, what about "I need a signficant other in order to be happy?" Does
that count?  

Trygve, Lana, and others, I'm not sure if we're really disagreeing or not.
I think there's a difference between "I need to be in a happy relationship
to feel that my life is complete" and "I need to be in a relationship to
feel like a complete person".  I think I'm a complete person (and no,
I don't need volunteers to help me check :-)) but that doesn't mean that I'm 
not going to feel like my life's incomplete if I never find someone to
love, settle down with, have children, etc.  I think the key words in that
sentence are "if I NEVER"; I don't feel like a half-person with an
unfulfilling life just because I haven't met the right person yet! I think it
was Scott who questioned whether "need" had to mean "can't live without", and  
I don't think it does either.  Sure, as Mark says, that would apply to air and
water and the like, but there are *very* few things people can't live
without, and we all use the word "need" about them.  

The people who reject the word "need" seem to be equating it with desperation
or dependency.  I agree with Dawn that in any relationship there are going
to be times during which one partner needs the other (if you've ever nursed
someone through the flu, you know what I mean!) but these kinds of need
aren't the emotional vampire kind, where one person draws his/her purpose
in life from the presence of the other.  I wouldn't want anyone to act like
I was an inexhaustible wellspring of mothering and inspiration.  On the other
hand, I woulnd't want a partner to react to my absence the way he'd react
if the supermarket didn't have the right kind of frozen pizza; mild
disappointment, slight lowering of expectations for the evening, but no
more.  

If I've misintpreted what anyone's said, I'm sorry!  
 
				--Diamond
From: diamond@acpub.duke.edu (Elizabeth Abrams)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Desperation (was Re: Commitment--The C-word?)
Date: 4 Sep 92 18:27:55 GMT
Organization: Duke University; Durham, N.C.

In article <1992Sep3.225538.7374@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com> smith@comm.mot.com (Jeff Smith) writes:
>What?! You are at Duke, according to your address. There are only two guys 
>in your year?! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I GO TO SCHOOL THERE?!

Um, I meant there are only two guys in my year in my department.  There
are only seven of us in total, so the ratio's not alll *that* unreal.

>a peeved jds

				--Diamond
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford)
Subject: Re: Commitment--The C-word?
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.
Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1992 20:45:28 GMT

In article <9208250110.AA25298@regal.cisco.com>, mlb@CISCO.COM (Marcia Bednarcyk) writes:
|> In article <89+ncll.aahz@netcom.com>, aahz@netcom.com (Aahzmandius) writes:
|> |> Maybe I'm missing something here.  I've *been* desperate a few times,
|> |> but I've never gotten into a relationship with someone who definitely
|> |> wasn't worth it.  Mind explaining why you think desperation equates to
|> |> willingness to grab *anyone*?
|> 
|> It appears my experience has been different, because I have been in 
|> relationships where I look back and wonder where my head was. Such
|> experiences have taught me that having no relationship is a lot better
|> than having a bad one.          
|> 

I've seen this happen far too many times -- to myself a few times, and to
too many of my friends.  I've seen friends (both men and women) stay in 
what they believe are bad relationships until they find someone else to 
have a relationship with, simply because they can't imagine being without
a relationship for any length of time.  I've also seen friends jump into
a relationship with someone *they* characterize as "inappropriate, simply
because they're so desperate for a relationship.  I find this terribly sad 
-- are  they so desperate for companionship that they will allow themselves 
to be abused and/or taken advantage of just to have a relationship?
-- 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|    /)                      | Lana Mountford    
|   / /  __    ___    __     | Silicon Graphics  
|__(_/__(__)\__/  )__(__)\__ | Mountain View, CA 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: liz@prc.unisys.com (Liz Loquacious)
Subject: Re: Tallllll women....
Followup-To: soc.singles
Organization: Paramax Systems
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 13:47:18 GMT

In article <7cln7j-@lynx.unm.edu>, blowfish@carina.unm.edu (rON.) writes:
|> In article <1992Sep2.213938.12050@gvl.unisys.com> liz@prc.unisys.com (Liz Loquacious) writes:
|> >In article <tvkn3!c@lynx.unm.edu>, blowfish@carina.unm.edu (rON.) writes:

|> >|> Me? I was screaming here on the other side of the screen 'YO! Over here!'

|> >What if I got on my tippie toes and hollered over the net "Over here"!

|> You would have a large amount of guys poking their (little?) heads up
|> going 'WHERE???' :)

Ohmigod, I was going to respond about the guys being large as opposed to the
amount of 'em being large (and I was thinking tall) and then I noticed this
(little?) comment next to heads and I was wondering if you thought that tall
guys had little heads and I just can't believe how slow I can be sometimes!
But I get it now!  Touche!  What was it Allisson said...feeling rather blonde
today! :-)

|> >Liz Loquacious - (5' 10 1/2", a good six foot or more on my toes!)
|> Sigh! Are you coming, by chance, to the BalloonBoink? :)

Sounds like fun but a bit too far.  I'm hoping things work out that I can
ride up to Boston for that boink...still don't know for sure though.

|> (on a related note, I remember one tall woman I dated who was overjoyed by
|> the fact that she could wear heels and still feel good about it (ie- not feel
|> like she was overwhelming her date, height-wise :) ).

Yeah, I guess I don't ever wear much of a heel but wore ballet slippers at
my wedding in part because my ex was a couple inches shorter than me.  Boy
were my feet killing me by the end of the night!  

Liz Loquacious
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: gadfly@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (Gadfly)
Subject: Re: Mexican food in Boston?  Blecch!!!!
Organization: AT&T
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 21:24:47 GMT
Summary: FYI

> It's [Mexican chocolate sauce] called Mole sauce and it is *good*.

Mole' need not contain chocolate, of course.  There are green and
red mole's as well--the basic ingredient is pepper, whose varieties
are legion.  A real (tm) Mexican restaurant will have several
different mole's on the menu, though perhaps not simultaneously,
as they take the good part of a day to make.  Once you've gotten the
knack, anyway.  The best mole' I ever made took 18 months.  I whipped
it up, but it just didn't taste right, so we ate the chicken without
it, and put it in the freezer.  Discovered it 4 months later, thawed
it out, added more chocolate, tasted it again, blahh, put it back in
the freezer, etc, for 3 more iterations (always adding more chocolate). 
Hey, it was worth the wait.

               *** ***
Ken Perlow   ***** *****
27 Aug 92   ****** ******   10 Fructidor An CC
            *****   *****   gadfly@ihlpa.ATT.COM
             ** ** ** **
...L'AUDACE!   *** ***   TOUJOURS DE L'AUDACE!  ENCORE DE L'AUDACE!
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle)
Subject: Re: Can we can the suck-up bit?
Keywords: encourage friendship?
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1992 14:24:10 GMT

thurlow@convex.com (Robert Thurlow) writes:

>Yup.  Maybe it's time to store it in the closet and pull it out for
>nostalgic purposes, like we do with the lime jello, the velcro shoe
>closures, the lawn-mowing sluts (damn big closet, I tell ya :-), and
>the bananas-in-cold-storage (so they don't get soft on us :-).

Don't forget the aluminum baseball bat...

Where does the lime jello come from?  
-- 
Kiran Wagle     <kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu>     (812) 335-0420
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: allisson@turing.toronto.edu (H. Allisson Roome)
Subject: Comments 
Organization: Some and growing
Date: 26 Aug 92 14:57:10 GMT

In article <1992Aug24.221116.25996@fid.morgan.com> sethb@fid.morgan.com (Seth Breidbart) writes:
>In article <1992Aug22.060029.19182@jarvis.csri.toronto.edu>
>allisson@turing.toronto.edu (H. Allisson Roome) writes:
>
>>Hey, I resemble that remark!  Just 'cause I can do neat party tricks doesn't
>>mean that I stand out or get offers of attention; in fact, that particular
>>trick tends to intimidate men (or maybe it's the fact I'm sensible and don't
>                                                      ^                ^^^^^
>>take myself too seriously -- it can't be my looks).
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>Allisson
>
>That's a feature I find necessary in a friend.  In fact, I knew I'd like you
>shortly after we met, due to one comment of yours.  (Mind if I post it?)
>
>Seth
>
 Um, sure go ahead post it ... (I don't remember what it was so this could get
interesting - I was to busy trying to figure out what Charlie meant by
his allusions [as I struggle to keep my tin-foiled and crazy-glued halo in
place].)

Allisson

-- 
allisson@turing.toronto.edu (new address)       H. Allisson Roome
"Teach only love, and learn that love is yours and you are love."(A.C.I.M/p.92)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: probst@selkirk.sfu.ca (Scott Probst)
Subject: Re: Homesickness!
Organization: Simon Fraser University, Burnaby, B.C., Canada
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 21:40:28 GMT

In article <1992Aug28.200247.32100@watson.ibm.com> motani@vnet.ibm.com (Muiz Motani) writes:
>In  <14348@auspex-gw.auspex.com>  johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:
>> In article <1992Aug27.225109.27562@watson.ibm.com> motani@vnet.ibm.com (Muiz Motani) writes:
>> >In  <thurlow.714947137@convex.convex.com>  thurlow@convex.com (Robert Thurlow) writes:
>> >> Anybody got a real good homesickness remedy?
>> >
>> >Yes......just bake yourself a batch of Nanaimo Bars and enjoy!
>> 
>> Are these from the town of Nanaimo (east coast of Vancouver Island)?  I was
>> there once.  Did I miss something by not getting a Nanaimo bar?  Actually
>> I did hit one Nanaimo bar.
>
>Actually, I don't know why they are called Nanaimo Bars. These goodies are 
>typically West-Coast-Canadian, though. I seem to remember some anecdote about a 
>wife of a former Lieutenant Governor of B.C. coming up with the recipie.
>
this is obviously just a story. in australia, they are called vanilla slices...
just goes to show you what contributions to world cuisine we have made -
pavlovas, peach melba, and of course - vegemite!!!

-- 
Scott Probst: Brain and Behaviour Laboratory, Psychology dept, SFU
              Graduate Issues Officer, Simon Fraser Student Society.
e-mail: probst@fraser.sfu.ca - ph: (604) 291 3354/3181 - fax: (604) 291 5843
              "yes, well, and here we go again..." - Dr H. S. Thompson
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: rudoff@mdd.comm.mot.com (Doug Rudoff)
Subject: Rejecting (was Re: Desperation (was Re: Commitment--The C-word?))
Organization: Motorola, Mobile Data Division - Seattle, WA
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 19:51:31 GMT

In article <71749@apple.Apple.COM> stef@Apple.COM (Stef Jones) writes:
>After reading your previous post, it occurred to me that if other people 
>equate simple interest (wanting physical contact, phone calls) with
>desperation, and run for it when they encounter what they think is
>desperation, then it is no wonder so many people get LJBF'd -- perhaps they 
>lose interest in MOTAS who are interested in them, because they equate it with
>desperation, and only pursue those who are standoffish.
>
>I know that's not what you did in this instance. But it makes me wonder. If
>that's what's happening, it's a shame...

One thing I have learned over the years in my unsuccessful pursuit of
romance is that there's no point in pursuing someone who isn't
interested in you. I don't ask a woman out unless we've talked a bit
and feel that she'd like to get together. With that as a rule, it's
extremely rare for me to get a rejection for the first date.  For
subsequent dates it's not rare at all to get rejected.

Actually, I received a rejection two weeks ago from a woman I had
talked to a few times in an evening class and asked if she'd like to
get together sometime. She said yes and we exchanged phone numbers.
Later, I left a message on her answering machine. She didn't call back
(which I assumed was likely a rejection). After the next class I asked
her if she got my message. She said yes. Then I asked if she was still
interested in getting together. She hesitated, looked flustered and
said no. I said no problem (which was true). She then turned around
and walked the other way, appearing embarassed. I felt bad that she
has such a problem rejecting me.

As someone who has been rejected many more times than I've rejected
someone else I can say that receiving a rejection on the onset knowing
someone is no big deal. No explanation is even needed. However, true
angst is when you've known someone for months and have spent much time
with them and then they reject you without explanation.

I've had difficulty rejecting a woman. Why is rejecting someone so hard?
(This connects with my recent comments in the "Cooling Off" thread.)
-- 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Doug Rudoff          Motorola, Seattle    INTERNET:rudoff@mdd.comm.mot.com
                                            USENET:uunet!mdisea!rudoff   
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
From: stef@Apple.COM (Stef Jones)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Bananas
Date: 27 Aug 92 20:09:16 GMT
Organization: Apple Computer Inc., Cupertino, CA

wjb@moscom.UUCP (Bill de Beaubien) writes:

>Stef Jones (stef@Apple.COM) wrote:
>: swann@acsu.buffalo.edu (Stephen Swann) writes:
>: >Well, using your teeth would make it a major cringe for all the guys
>: >in the room.  :-)
>: 
>: *Most* of the guys.

>Which exceptions did you have in mind?

Shhhhhhhh...
From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Desperation (was Re: Commitment--The C-word?)
Date: 2 Sep 92 17:50:51 GMT
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

In article <kiran.715453016@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu> kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle) writes:
|lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford) writes:
|
|>The point I'm trying to make, I think, is that there are some people who
|>honestly believe they are not whole persons unless they have a MOTAS in
|>their lives.  They will do anything (just about) to make sure they are in
|>some kind of relationship at all times, even to the point of staying in a
|>bad one because they really believe that they can't be "whole" without a
|>relationship.  I don't happen to feel that way.  
|
|Do you think there's something wrong with people who feel that they
|(or their lives) are not complete without a (happy) relationship?

I don't think Lana actually said as much.  She just said she didn't feel
that way.  I'd add one interesting note though.  As soon as you feel that
you can be a whole person without being in a relationship you might find
yourself in a relationship.  When you're desparately seeking a relationship
it becomes harder to find.
-- 
+============================================================================++
| John Fereira            "Is that all you ever think about?"                |
| johnf@auspex.com                                                           |
+============================================================================++
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: nance@cbnewsd.cb.att.com (nancy.l.colucci)
Subject: Re: Commitment--The C-word?
Organization: AT&T
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 13:41:02 GMT

In article <f#bnavc.aahz@netcom.com> aahz@netcom.com (Aahzmandius) writes:
>
>Maybe I read Nance's post wrong, but I assumed that the parallelism
>implied that the stoic advice-givers were the ones "speaking from life."

I understand how you could have gotten that idea, but it is NOT
what I intended to say.  Quite the opposite.

-Nance
-- 
Nance Colucci  *^*^*^*^*^*    o__    *^*^*^*^*  |  Work that body!
att!ihlpk!colucci            _.>/               | Stay fit for life.
                            (_) \(_)                           
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: liz@prc.unisys.com (Liz Loquacious)
Subject: Re: Can we can the suck-up bit?
Followup-To: soc.singles
Organization: Paramax Systems
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 21:37:26 GMT

In article <14413@auspex-gw.auspex.com>, johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:
|> 
|> Actually, on the surface it looks like Mr. Cxxxxxx is mowing Liz's lawn solely
|> out of the kindness of his heart.  In reality, he chooses a hot day to mow
|> his lawn so that he can remove his shirt.  In preparation for the task he has
|> secretly mounted a video camera in a tree and it is trained on Liz's bedroom
|> window.  Later, in the privacy of his own living room, he can watch the tape
|> and see Liz's getting worked up over the beads of sweat on his bare tanned
|> chest.  Lawn Sluts,  they gots no morals.  

You're just jealous John; you'd rather be perched in that tree instead of
that video camera! :-)  Fess up now.  

Liz Loquacious - If you wanted to cut my grass all you'd have to do is ask.

Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: nance@cbnewsd.cb.att.com (nancy.l.colucci)
Subject: Re: Commitment--The C-word?
Organization: AT&T
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 14:10:41 GMT

In article <BtM0sE.FII@news.udel.edu> helie@bach.udel.edu (Ray) writes:
>In article <1992Aug25.204528.12462@odin.corp.sgi.com> 
>  I've seen friends (both men and women) stay in 
>  what they believe are bad relationships until they find someone else to 
>  have a relationship with ...
> 
>Isn't it *sickening* how people can use other people like that?!!  Just
>drag someone around and make them think you care as much as they do,
>only to trash them when the kind of person you *really* want comes along.  
>Severe lack of morals in my book.  8-(  

I agree.  But it happens.  And this is one "crime" of which many, many people
in different times in their life are on both sides.  It, like shit, happens.

-Nance
-- 
Nance Colucci  *^*^*^*^*^*    o__    *^*^*^*^*  |  Work that body!
att!ihlpk!colucci            _.>/               | Stay fit for life.
                            (_) \(_)
From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Desperation (was Re: Commitment--The C-word?)
Date: 4 Sep 92 19:53:28 GMT
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

In article <5125@news.duke.edu> diamond@acpub.duke.edu (Elizabeth Abrams) writes:
|You forget, I don't have any furniture!  I would feel awkward inviting
|people to dinner, then saying "Oh, yeah, by the way, you all have to
|sit on the floor 'cause there are no chairs, and balance food on your
|laps 'cause there's no table... Don't mind the fleas, the bites stop
|itching in less than a week."

I don't know.  Sounds kind of romantic to me.

-- 
+==========================================================================+
| John Fereira     | Auspex Systems | "Auspex does not share my opinions.  |
| johnf@auspex.com | Santa Clara CA |  So Why am I still working here?"    |
+==========================================================================+
From: intrigue@milton.u.washington.edu (Angelwing)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Can we can the suck-up bit?
Keywords: encourage friendship?
Date: 1 Sep 92 20:01:41 GMT
Organization: University of Washington, Seattle

In article <71893@apple.Apple.COM> stef@Apple.COM (Stef Jones) writes:
>intrigue@milton.u.washington.edu (Angelwing) writes:
>
>>A few bad apples - of
>>the feminist type - snarled once too often "I can do it *myself*!" and now
>>there's a whole generation of men afraid to open a door for fear they're
>>going to get smacked!  
>
>Gee, I hadn't noticed. Lots of men of all ages open the door for me if they
>get to it first. (Of course if I get to it first, I open it for them.) 

No no!  I don't mean NOW!  I mean a few ...errrr maybe 10... years ago.  It's
worn off and I've even seen men offer their seat on the bus to a pregnant
woman, carrying packages, on a rainy day.  No, honestly.

Angelwing - treading carefully.

*------------------------------------------------------------------*
* Angelwing       |  "And just where do you think you're going     *
* U. of Washington|   dressed like *that*?                         *
*                 |                            -  My Dad           *
*------------------------------------------------------------------*
From: liz@prc.unisys.com (Liz Loquacious)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Seesters, I want the seesters.
Date: 31 Aug 92 21:50:36 GMT
Followup-To: soc.singles
Distribution: na
Organization: Paramax Systems

In article <1992Aug31.184149.17277@cbfsb.cb.att.com>, jjd1@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (james.j.dutton) writes:
|> 
|>  What say the park? High noon? I'll bring the chandelier. You bring the
|> rope?

Sounds more like a date for one of my sisters....I knew I was onto something
there. 

Liz Loquacious
From: kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Where the best posts come from
Keywords: intelligence insight
Date: 31 Aug 92 16:43:13 GMT
Article-I.D.: bronze.kiran.715279393
Organization: Indiana University

>enigma@halcyon.com (Matt Luders) writes:
>>In my humble opinion, the most interesting posts come from stef@apple.com.
>>She's thoughtful, articulate, and witty--a clear, strong signal in a
>>cacophony of noise.

aahz@netcom.com (Aahzmandius) writes:
>9.1 on the Suckup Scale.

No, Aahz, this is an easy ten.  You better recalibrate your SuckUpMeter...

-- 
Kiran Wagle     <kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu>     (812) 335-0420
From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Las Vegas
Date: 25 Aug 92 17:53:45 GMT
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

In article <kiran.714741231@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu> kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle) writes:
>Yes, you might.... those winter nights can get so long after a
>while... after a hard day's work making snowmen, 

Or Snowwomen.  I was once snowed in at a cabin with seven other people during
a major snow storm in the Sierras.  After spending most of the morning
digging our cars out of the driveway a few of us made an anotomically correct
snowman and snowwoman.  My the next day the snowwoman went from a 36C to 
a 44EE due to the heavy snowfall.  We affectionately called her "Dolly".  The
snowman we called "Holmes".

-- 
+============================================================================++
| John Fereira            "Is that all you ever think about?"                |
| johnf@auspex.com                                                           |
+============================================================================++
Newsgroups: soc.singles