From: CREECH@LSTC2VM.stortek.com (Teresa Creech)
Subject: Kindergarten Problems
Organization: StorageTek SW Engineering
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 14:33:27 GMT

<<<<<<<<<<<Very long Append warning>>>>>>>>>>
 
I need some help.
 
My daughter Katie is 6 years old (her birthday is Dec 6, 1985), so
she couldn't go to kindergarten in 1990, she started in 1991.  This
was good, because she lacked the maturity at that time.  (Even if she
had been ready to go, it would have had to have been private kindergarten
AND first grade because our state had age requirements for both kindergarten
and first grades.)
 
Katie has had trouble in school since day one.  The teacher doesn't seem
to have the ability to discipline a child and believes everything she is
told.  Katie is the type to take every advantage she can of a situation,
so she soon discovered that the teacher was easy to manipulate.  (Imagine
my surprise when the teacher appeared very concerned and asked 'How is
Katie?  She has a stomach ache every day and I have to let her go lay down
on the mat and rest.'  I received a very shocked look when I said 'I'll bet
that Katie's stomach ache would go away for good if you didn't let her
go lay down.')  To the teachers credit, she is trying to be more firm with
Katie, but it is very difficult for her.
 
For the first half of the year, Katie wouldn't participate in 'circle time',
wouldn't do the drawing/writing that was expected of them, wouldn't listen
to stories, etc...  We didn't find out how BAD the problem was until the
November when report cards came (kindergarteners don't get report cards
the first quarter).  I did talk to the teacher several times (in person and
over the phone) during the fall, and we did talked about Katie's needs but
this teacher did not tell me how badly Katie was behaving.  The teacher was
mostly concerned about the fact that when Katie did misbehave, Lindsey (who
adores Katie) would follow Katie and get in trouble too.  The teachers
concern was for Lindsey!  When I asked what Lindsey's mother was doing the
teacher said 'Lindseys mother doesn't know about all this.'  I was angry -
I can't make Katie make Lindsey behave!!!!!  We finally separated the girls,
Katie and Lindsey were not allowed to be anywhere near each other.  Katie was
relieved, she didn't like Lindsey hanging around all the time!!!
 
During these conversations, the teacher did not tell me how badly Katie
was behaving.  She didn't call or send a note when Katie's behavior got
worse.  So, by the time report cards came out, Katie thought that she could
whatever she wants and couldn't understand why we were upset at her
report card.  Her 'academic' grades were OK but her behavior
grades were terrible.
 
Right about this time, the teacher called DAYCARE (not Mom, not Dad, but daycare
to find out if the daycare had problems with Katie.  I found out about this
call from the daycare director.  I had to laugh when the director told me that
she had told the teacher that Katie didn't behave that way at daycare because
she wasn't allowed to!!!
 
During the two weeks between report card time and teacher conference time, we
had many long talks with Katie about her behavior and what was expected.
We checked her progress daily and gave her little rewards (a sticker, a piece
of gum, or getting to stay up an extra 15 minutes).  We also told her that
if she participated and behaved over the next two weeks and got a good teacher
conference, that Mom would take Katie (and only Katie) out to dinner at a
real restaurant.  Well, at teacher conference time, the teacher couldn't find
ANYTHING bad to say about Katie.  The conference was boring.  Katie was
participating, having a good attitude, etc etc.  Katie got her dinner out with
just Mom and Katie's best friend.
 
Since then I have quizzed Katie in great detail every day about class.  Some
days I pushed more than others, prying TOO MUCH turns Katie off.  Katie seems
to be doing better and does her homework with less fuss.  She is learning
things, I can tell that from incidental stuff she says.  Right now she is
studying eggs (they are hatching duck or chicken eggs) and Katie informed me
that she had hatched inside of me.  This was her deduction, since she knew
that babies come out without an egg shell.  So, we had a nice talk about how
people didn't have eggs that harden, so there was never any egg for her to
hatch out of just before she was born.  This kid is THINKING, even if she
doesn't seem to be listening, she is thinking about what she is hearing.
 
Katie learned to read during the first few weeks of school.  What I mean is,
she made that leap from not understanding reading to realizing that "OH!!
Those are WORDS.  The spaces separate words that MEAN something!!!" very
quickly.  But, she won't read very much because (as she says) "I don't know
all the words."  I can't get her to read, even with my help.  She wants to
be read to.
 
Report cards came out on Monday.  She improved ONE of her EIGHT behavior grades
and went down in one.  So, it doesn't look like she's improved.  Her teacher
did write a note that "Katie's attitude has improved."  On the academic side,
two grades went up and two went down, but they were all good (S+ and O), no
bad ones (S- or N).  I have a call in to the teacher to find out what is going
on.  If Katie's behavior went down hill, I think that the teacher should have
called or sent a note.  I think that from now on I am going to call the
teacher EVERY WEEK and check on Katie, it's obvious that the teacher won't
call me no matter how Katie is behaving.  I think that report card time is
too late to be finding out about problems.
 
Katie is a smart girl - I THINK that she is really bright and want to have her
tested, but her father won't consider it.  I think that Katie is bored in
kindergarten and this is why she misbehaves.  (I know that she must learn to
behave, even if she is bored, we are working on it).  Katie is also a loner and
like to work and play on her own.  Being in a group and participating is hard
on her.  Katie is also a perfectionist - she wants to do everything perfectly.
She also won't do something if she knows that she can't do it perfect the first
time.  She is always asking her big sister or one of us to draw something for
her, because we can do it better.
 
Katie is sometimes fidgety and can't sit still.  The teacher suggested
getting her tested for Attention Deficit Disorder, but Katie CAN sit still
and concentrate for long periods of time, I've seen her.  She loves TV and can
watch a whole movie.  I don't want to get her labeled, so I'm hesitant to get
her tested.
 
Katie has an older sister (8 1/2) and they've always been buddies.  They play
well together and fight somewhat less than most sisters.  Katie also has
two younger brothers (twins, age 3).  When I was pregnant, Katie didn't like
the idea of having a baby, but since Mom and Dad wanted it she was willing to
accept it.  When we all found out that the baby was going to be twins, Katie
was VERY UPSET - she said "I don't want two babies."  and proceeded to treat
me like shit for two months (It was Moms fault that there were two babies)
and became Daddys buddy.  Ironically, Katie is very good with the boys and
plays well with them.  I think that she enjoys being the boss and pretending
to be their teacher.  Little brothers, it turns out, can be rather fun to
play with.  But, they are rather time consuming!!
 
I don't know what more to do about Katie.  I want her to enjoy school
(like I did) and not be bored (or at least, learn to channel the
boredom into something constructive).  My own love of reading kept me
from being bored stiff in school.
 
Does anyone have any similar experience?  Any suggestions?  I am sorry
that this note is so long.  I guess I had more to say than I thought.
Thanks,
Teresa