From: jeff@frodo.b30.ingr.com (Jeffrey A. Johnson)
Subject: Going hog-wildless
Keywords: hogs, guvment
Organization: myself
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 17:11:55 GMT


I thought folks here would enjoy this.

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Date: 	Thu, 5 Nov 1992 19:05:04 PST
From: dhowell.es_cp8@xerox.com
Subject: Forwarding: Job Opportunities (another party political broadcast)
To: libernet@Dartmouth.EDU


Enjoy!

Dan Howell  <dhowell.es_cp8@xerox.com>

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Honorable Republican Secretary of Agriculture
Washington D.C.

Dear Sir,

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, recieved a check for $1,000.00
from the government for not raising hogs.  So I want to go into the "not
raising hogs" business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to
raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise?  I want to be
sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies.
I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to
raise, then I would just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate
inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business.  He has
been raising hogs for twenty  years or so, and the best he ever made on them
was $442.00 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1,000.00 for
not raising hogs.

If I get $1,000.00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000.00 for not
raising  100 hogs?  I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself
down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000.00 the first
year.  Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing.  These hogs I will not be raising will not eat 100,000
bushels of corn.  I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn
and wheat.  Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to
feed the 4,000  hogs I am not going to raise?

I want to get started as soon as possible as this seems to be a good time of
the year not to raise hogs and grain.

Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any
information on that too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally
unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically yours,

Floyd Farkel

P.S.  Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese?

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Jeffrey Adam Johnson              Internet:  jeff@frodo.b30.ingr.com
("I speak only for myself.")          UUCP:  uunet!ingr!b30!frodo!jeff
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"It took about 150 years, starting with a Bill of Rights that reserved
to the states and the people all powers not explicitly delegated to the
federal government, to produce a Supreme Court willing to rule that
growing corn to feed to your own hogs is interstate commerce and can
therefore be regulated by Congress."
 - David Friedman, "The Machinery of Freedom"
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