From: sl859@cc.usu.edu
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics
Subject: LNH: Ultimate Ninja and the Acton Lord syndrome!
Date: 15 Sep 92 00:19:01 MDT
Organization: Utah State University


So continues the ongoing saga of the Ultimate Ninja and his series of
senseless gratuitous graphic unending glorious violence!!!

Ultimate Ninja, who had lain dormant long enough, thanked List Lad for
taking the incredible burden of the LNH roster off of his hands for a 
while, cuz all this executive stuff was causing a decline in sales, and
so he lurked throughout the net.world looking for a plot to pick up on,
when all of a sudden he realized he was being attacked by another force
of net malady, Mr. RunOn, and realized he was trapped in one of his 
run on sentences, to which he had no hope to escape unless he could find
the fiend that was doing this, so Ultimate Ninja scanned the area and 
sitting behind a large hologram of the legion he found Mr. RunOn, and let
the Ninja Bush fly!!!!!!  NNNNNYYYYYYAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
	Ultimate Ninja was free of the old Gag and Mr. RunOn was writhing
in pain, as he busily tried to keep his intestines in his now gaping stomach
cavity.  Mr. RunOn groped off of the scene.  Ultimate Ninja was mfeeling 
merciful today?  Nah!  He had his mind set on much bigger prey, and therefore
much bigger payoff in comic sales!  This past scene was simply the appetizer 
for a feast of much more gratuitous violence and ratings!  
	Ultimate Ninja caught the scent of pizza on the air.  Pizza Hut pizza
to be precise!  The grease was enough to make him break out on the spot, had
he not taken the years worth of Acutane treatment, and had developed quite 
an immunity to acne in the process!  Acton Lord was near by!  Using his keen
(and trademarked) Ultimate Ninja Traching abilities, not to mention following
the trail of pizza sauce, Ultimate Ninja sneaked into the depths of Grad 
Studentia.  A place where the never sleeping ever toiling Gradgnomes dwelled.
Could Acton Lord have resorted in hiding in such a place???  thought UN.  Of
Course he would, this fiend probably commands the hosts with his tyrannical
botannical madness!  The Gradgnomes songs of "whistle while you oompa loompa"
echoed throughout the dark cavernous hallways.  Ultimate Ninja slinked through
the shadows darkly stalking the feasting fiend. 
	Finally, after wReam decided he had padded the issue long enough and 
... errr I mean given a taste of the atmosphere and eloquently communicated the
impending situation, he saw fit to allow Ultimate Ninja find Acton Lord.  He
was hunched in the corner over a view screen.  It was a sad sight really.  
Acton Lord was so exhausted as if he was fighting against the very fabric of
reality.  There were buildings of pizza boxes, and a few scraggily foreign 
Gradgnomes had made their homes out of the boxes and scraps of melted cheese.
	This picture was not anything like what Ultimate Ninja had 
anticepated!  How was he going to bring this poor villain to justice, and
sell comics, if he couldn't have a good action packed fight!?
        "Villain!  What has happened to thee!?" Ultimate Ninja said with
great disgust.
	"Gradgnomes.  sieze him."  mumbled Acton Lord feebly. 
	The Gradgnomes looked at the imposing figure of Ultimate Ninja and
looked back at Acton Lord, cowering.  Thoughts of death had them actually
thinking and reasoning consequences (Something Gradgnomes seldom do).  At
the same time Ultimate Ninja grinned sinisterly, relishing in the thought
that soon there would be more senseless carnage.  Ultimate Ninja still had
not demonstrated a lot of his ninja skills and was anxious to practice a 
few.  He debated on using Ninja Bush, the Finger of Death, or the one 
manuever he had really been practicing.  The one he called Heart Throb.
Its where the Ninja thrusts ninjally into the opponent and grabs his heart
then pulls it out of the opponents body all while the opponent is still alive
and lets the opponent watch it as it still is beating!  (You can imagine
its rather costly to practice, but Ultimate Ninja has his ways!)
	"Gadzooks Man!  I will be wantin to return to me homeland
in India now..."  piped a Gradgnome.  The others joined into a chorus of
excuses about how they had no time, thesis defenses, a great paying job 
as Sanitation Engineers and Consultants, while others simply acted deaf
and all fled from the room.  
	"So much for your minions!" Ultimate Ninja proclaimed triumphantly.
"Now its just the two of us!"
	Ultimate Ninja hovered on one foot, raising the other to his chin,
his arms outstrectched and his back arched over.  He was ready to perform the
"Heart Throb!"  But Acton Lord just remained comatose.  Ultimate Ninja began to
grow impatient.  "Ok what's the deal.  You can't possibly be this pitiful in
reality."  Acton Lord looked up and Ultimate Ninja could see, Acton Lord as
a dried husk.  He had no strength, no will, as if something sinister had 
removed his independent will power.  How was the Ultimate Ninja to have an
Ultimate Combat with this other force running around.  Although not accustomed
to listening to his victims, this meant ratings!  "Ok.  What's the meaning of
this new feebleness!?"
	Acton Lord drew back and sucked in the grease permeated air.  A deep
breath that gave him strength enought to describe situation.  "I have been 
double crossed by the powers that be...  A new hero claims to be me.  His 
name is <cough!>  Dial "D" for Dvandom. "
	"What kind of name is that!?  Its simply perposterous!"  Ultimate Ninja
reacted with even more disbelief.
	"Even so, <choke> I am being sucked into one being, soon all that I am
will just be the result of some cruel hoax that D"D"D has whimsically created.
All his figment." Acton Lord propped himself up on his phone and attempted to
gain more composure. "But I resisted!  I am no one's whim of their mind!  I am
Acton Lord!"  
	Ultimate Ninja used some of the power that his friend, Deductive Logic
Man, had taught him.  "But if such a being can exist in this universe then he
must hold Absolute Power!  This is a big mistake!  (look at the mess the
Beyonder has made of things due to his little jaunt in comicdom!"  Ultimate
Ninja then sealed the message with an obvious attempt to help. "And if one
possesses Absolute Power then he must be corrupted... I think, because..."
	"ABSOLUTE POWER CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY!!!"  Acton Lord was lifted by an
invisible force.  Light envelloped his frail form and then as if he were being
inflated, Acton Lord was restored to his separate and powerful image!  He
smiled at Ultimate Ninja, and then levitated back to the ground in full figure
and power.
	"Ok.  Now do we fight!?" cried Ultimate Ninja getting his hopes up.
	"Are you kidding!?  I don't plan on watching my heart beat its last 
beats!"  Acton Lord said grinning slyly.  "Especially when there is someone
else out there who would provide you the very most ratings if we teamed up to
destroy him!"
	"Right..."  Ultimate Ninja started counting chickens.  "A team up 
between great forces of nature and an Absolutely powerful Being!"
	  
		2 B Continued... Natuurally!

						wReam...
					    Ultimate Ninja!!!		

P.S.  No room for the Letter Page dimension in this posting!!!
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