HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: tedwards@wam.umd.edu (technopagan priest)
Subject: Re: Remaining friends with an ex SO.
Organization: University of Maryland at College Park
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 00:48:03 GMT

In article <3255@daily-planet.concordia.ca> stefanos@concour.cs.concordia.ca (KIAKAS stefanos) writes:
>        i have been involved with a special person for the last four 
>years and our relationship has changed. we have chosen to take different 
>paths in life and i think we are doing the right thing ( but i'm not totally 
>sure ).

This just happenned to my relationship.  I went out with a woman for
about 2.5 years, the last .5 of which we were engaged.  But we found
that our life paths were definately going in opposite directions, and
we broke it off (after alot of trouble trying to stay together),
and I think we're both happier now, and still good loving friends
(however there still are some emotional transients, mainly having
to do not so much with breaking up with each other, but more with
just not having a steady relationship any more...you get pretty
addicted after a few years.)

To embelish a bit more, I happen to be on of those guys who lives
and breathes technology.  This doesn't stop me from dabbling in
medievalism or biking or Wicca...but I think one of the reasons
which lead to our breakup was that my exSO couldn't quite handle
how techno minded I was (but this was but one of many problems we
had).

I realize that it's probably not going to be a snap for me to
find someone who can fully appreciate my world...I do my best to
keep my love and worship of the unnatural balanced with my love
and worship of the natural, though, so at least jane average
woman can deal with me, at least as friends.  But I think my
ultimate SO would have to share alot of the knowledge of my world
(and hopefully I can share alot of her's!).  And yes, there are
women like this around, but they are few and rare.  But that's
life, not my fault, not anyone else's.  So I spend a few years
dating around, loving my friends, and most important, loving who
I am, and accepting that.

Anyway, let this also serve as an announcement to any woman 
who likes a room full of candles, nice massages, warm spiced wine,
frolicking about in nature at night, and can throw together
RS-232 cables, or program a Mandelbrot set, I'm now officially
available!

-Thomas
From: brian@theory.lcs.mit.edu (Brian Taylor)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: a question  (AN ANWSER, Not even a smartass one:-))
Date: 8 Apr 92 03:25:23 GMT
	<1992Apr7.143438.24998@cbnewse.cb.att.com>
	<7APR199210461167@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov>
Organization: MIT Lab for Computer Science

>In article <7APR199210461167@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov> aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.go>v (Teresa Kline) writes:
>
>   In article <1992Apr7.143438.24998@cbnewse.cb.att.com>, hjanssen@cbnewse.cb.>att.com (hank janssen) writes...
>   >From article <6APR199217385456@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov>, by afdenis@lims01.le>rc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison):
>
>   >>>2)  Goes  out  on  a  date  more than once with the same person of the
>   >>>opposite sex. 
>   >> 
>   >> But dating within the same sex is ok ? :-)
>   >> 
>   > 
>   >I never said it was, but lets just face it, If the person would go out
>   >on a date with the same sex. His or her partner would never be able to
>   >win would they............?
>   > 
>
>   Not necessarily.  There *are* same-sex partners reading this group, I'm 
>   sure.
>

Actually, to put things into a context closer to what was originally 
asked about, consider a bisexual involved in a het relationship. Is
s/he not supposed to go out with anyone? And this is certainly as
situation in which the hetersexual partner can "win"---assuming that
keeping the relationship going is what's being referred to.

On a more general note, I agree with one of the previous posters,
I think cheating is defined within the context of a particular 
relationship. Cheating is what you and your SO mutually consider
it to be...and disagreements here are frequently cause for serious
problems in a relationship. For instance, I have friends who
consider kissing hello (on the lips) to be an expression of deep
affection, but not to be a romantic/sexual action that would
constitute cheating. On the other hand, though I'll occassionally
kiss my friends, I wouldn't be comfortable kissing any
of them on the lips. And significantly, I'd be least comfortable
doing so with any of the friends where there's any underlying
romantic or sexual attraction...I wouldn't consider such a kiss
(presuming it's quick and friendly rather than say long, drawn-out
and passionate) to be cheating (quite), but it's getting close in
that it's starting to impinge on gestures my fiancee and I have
reserved to ourselves.

                -Brian
From: 06zonker@ac.dal.ca
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: And Now for Something Apartly Similar...(kiss!)
Date: 17 Apr 92 00:06:31 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

In article <15APR199208044578@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov>, aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline) writes:
> In article <kuk0bkINN2ar@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM>, erc@pogo.Corp.Sun.COM (Ed Carp) writes...
>>In article <13APR199217113464@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov> aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline) writes:
>>>In article <kuc8q2INNlka@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM>, erc@pogo.Corp.Sun.COM (Ed Carp) writes...
>> 
>>>>That's right ... and poison is a lady's weapon...
>> 
>>>>Just thought you ought to know :)
>> 
>>>*You* might do well to keep that in mind.  :)
>> 
>>Uh-oh...
> 
> Good comeback, Ed!  I'm impressed with your highly advanced vocabulary!!! :)
> 
> -- Teresa
> 
> 		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888


  Well, Teresa... methinks tha Carp too eely...the gentleman doth dodge too
much....time to fish friendlier waters???? I have this friend who likes
women with brains....



:)

Icey
From: jgacker@ISIS.GSFC.NASA.GOV (James G. Acker)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re:  love songs (fwd)
Date: 17 Apr 92 11:55:25 GMT

Forwarded message:
From jgacker  Thu Apr 16 08:44:50 1992
From: jgacker (James G. Acker)
Message-Id: <9204161244.AA06023@isis.gsfc.nasa.gov>
Subject: Re:  love songs
To: alt-romance@ucbvax.berkeley.edu
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 92 8:44:50 EDT
Cc: jgacker (James G. Acker)
X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4dev PL61]
Content-Type: text
Content-Length: 824       


	Regarding the playing of love songs on the radio while
your heart is "breaking":

	One of the best parodies of this occurrence is in the movie
"Better Off Dead" starring John Cusack (his breakthrough vehicle, in
the opinion of many teenage movie critics).  He's in his car after his
gorgeous girlfriend Beth has just told him she wants to date other guys,
and every station he punches on the car radio is playing songs about
breaking up (Neil Sedaka's "Breaking Up is Hard to Do", etc.)   I think
he eventually gives up and chucks the radio out of the car.
	Another running gag is that several characters, including Barney
Rubble on the "Flintstones", ask him if they can date Beth since they
broke up.
	The movie is a classic, twisted, unusual look at teenage angst.
Check it out.

	Jim Acker
	jgacker@isis.gsfc.nasa.gov
From: erc@pogo.Corp.Sun.COM (Ed Carp)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Ed and Teresa  (Carp ????)
Date: 16 Apr 92 17:02:18 GMT
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Mt. View, Ca.
NNTP-Posting-Host: pogo.corp.sun.com

In article <16APR199212281673@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov> afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison) writes:

>>> 		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
 
>Well, it *is* better than the `alternative', isn't it ?

Reminds me of what Henry Miller said once: "Sex is one of the
nine reasons for reincarnation ... the other eight are unimportant."

:) :) :) :) :)
--
Ed Carp                                      415/336-0797 (work)

++ UNIX  SysAdmin, Systems  Programming  Services,  Utilities ++
++ and Programmer Productivity Tools                          ++
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples
From: joni@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (joni.dunlap)
Subject: Re: Do You Remember - early '60s edition
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 19:18:57 GMT

In article <1992Apr14.233824.8673@morrow.stanford.edu> andy@pangea.Stanford.EDU (Andy Michael USGS Guest) writes:
>In article <1992Apr14.194624.7275@ibmpa.awdpa.ibm.com> ken@batman.austin.ibm.com (Ken Goach) writes:
>>joni@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (joni.dunlap) posts:
>>
>Well lots of people have been posting about favorite old toys, but has
>anyone noticed that the 60's list is toy related and the 70's list is
>becoming TV related.  Of course we barely had a working TV until the
>mid-70's anyway.  Hmmmm....
>

You are right on this one. It took to about the mid 70's before we even
got a color tv let alone one that worked right. It seemed like every tv we
had the horizontal or vertical hold was messed up. 

>And of course the ultimate toy from the 60's:  Triumphs!!
>

What are Triumphs ?

>
>Andy
>Proud owner of many many many many more toys than most of our friends
>that have kids.  And ours don't get broken so fast! :-)


what about spider bikes with sissy bars and banana seats ?

Joni :)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: mlb@cisco.com (Marcia Bednarcyk)
Subject: Re: What is love really about
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 1992 00:34:32 GMT

In article <1992Mar31.145808.1@acad3.alaska.edu>, fsmlw1@acad3.alaska.edu writes:
|> So no matter what anyone else tells you... Love sucks... You don't want it and
|> the way I look at it... Love is just a temporary break from the general
|> depression of life... Because nothing lasts forever and we both know hearts can
|> change...

This is why love may not be the most important thing in a lasting relationship;
commitment and trust and a desire to share a life together are really what
keeps things going long term. Love is the frosting on the cake: it's lovely
and it tastes good and keeps the cake from drying out, but it's not the cake
itself.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                        ADDRESS: mlb@cisco.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."
"... the meaning of life is to be happy, try not to hurt people, and hope
you fall in love."
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Subject: Re: Ed and Teresa  (Carp ????)
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
Date: 10 Apr 1992 10:42 EST  

In article <ku9rhlINNfok@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM>, erc@pogo.Corp.Sun.COM (Ed Carp) writes...
>In article <9APR199208342801@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov> aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline) writes:
>>In article <1992Apr9.022834.25112@leland.Stanford.EDU>, rna@leland.Stanford.EDU (Robert Ashcroft) writes...
> 
>>>Ed and Teresa flirt on the net.  Teresa finally calls Ed's bluff and
>>>tells him to ask her out.  Ed wimps out.  
> 
>>That about covers it...:(
> 
>Hey!!!  Wait a minute!!!  WHEN did you ask me out on the net???????
> 
>>>Or is there something else going on here?
> 
>>No, darn it!! :(
> 
>Hmmm.....

Sounds like a dodge to me ...


-- Stephen 

(The only two valid e-mail addresses from now on are ...)
afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov,  afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov
.. boring .sig follows, press n to skip it.

	Never regret a *choice*.  Rather, save your regrets for the
	choices you *didn't* make.

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle)
Subject: Re: A Progression of Sorts
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 09:27:28 GMT

>ksdavis@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (karleen sue davis) writes:
>>Query:  I've been socialized to believe that marriage is the "goal;" that
>>the measure of a relationship is how long you stayed together--how close
>>you came to the goal.  Now, I KNOW this isn't true; the counter-examples
>>are numerous, but I can't seem to get it out of my head, or my heart anyway.

ronan@codon3.berkeley.edu (Karen Ronan) writes:
>I can identify with this, even at my advanced (cough) age.
>Possibly many women have been brainwashed/influenced into the idea
>that they have "succeeded" in the game of love when they've "landed"
>a husband or stayed with a man long enough to "gain respect."

Warren Farrell discusses this in his book _Why men are the way they
are_. Fine book, btw.

>This idea has been permanently entrenched from childhood and
>I don't even try to remove it anymore.

My reading of his book suggests to me that this kind of socialization _must_
be overcome in order to have healthy relationships. 
-- 
"The truffle is not an outright aphrodisiac, but it may in certain
 circumstances make women more affectionate and men more amiable."
                                                ...Brillat-Savarin

Xref: sparky alt.romance:6701 soc.singles:10548 soc.couples:1921
From: michele@sail.tymnet.com (Michele Fabrega)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Date: 7 Apr 92 15:32:38 GMT
Followup-To: alt.romance
Distribution: world,soc
Organization: British Telecom North America

In article <1992Apr7.144758.27398@acsu.buffalo.edu>, haskell@acsu.buffalo.edu (William W. Haskell) writes:
|> 
|> ...
|> 	What you have to remember is that the person you are trying to "woo"
|> has free will, and will make his/her own decisions about where he/she wants
|> to go in life and what he/she wants to do.  If the person wants to get away
|> from their SO, they will do so regardless of you.  If they don't, then nothing
|> you can do will change that.  It never hurts to ask.  ( Unless the SO is
|> particularly mean and owns a particularly large gun. :)  Just if the person
|> says no, accept it and don't push.
|> 
|> 						...wildy

YES!  I completely agree.  If the relationship is going to work out, there is
NOTHING you can do to break it up.  I would not get involved w/ the person until
they are out of the relationship, though, and perhaps some time has gone by.  If
they can't choose who they want, I'd stay away.

Some people park themselves in relationships and do not like to be alone.  This in
itself is a red light (to me), but it basically means that they are looking for
someone else.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: rrosenberg@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: RE: Question For the Females only
Organization: Clark University
Date: 11 APR 92 00:45:15 GMT

ED,
I THINK I CAN HELP YOU OUT.  TELL ME FIRST ABOUT YOURSELF.  WHAT DO YOU
LOOK LIKE, WHAT KINDS OF THINGS DO YOU DO, AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF.
DO YOU ACT DIFFERENTLY AROUND FEMALES THAN MALES?  ARE YOU IN SCHOOL?
ARE YOU WORKING?  WHEN DO YOU HAVE CONTACT WITH FEMALES?  DO YOU HAVE
MANY FEMALE FRIENDS?  TELL ME EVERYTHING.  BY THE WAY - IT DIDN'T SEEM
STUPID AND YOU  PROBOBLY DON'T NEED AS MUCH HELP AS YOU THINK.
-REBECCA
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: a question  (AN ANWSER, Not even a smartass one:-))
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date:  7 Apr 1992 10:46 EST  

In article <1992Apr7.143438.24998@cbnewse.cb.att.com>, hjanssen@cbnewse.cb.att.com (hank janssen) writes...
>From article <6APR199217385456@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov>, by afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison):

>>>2)  Goes  out  on  a  date  more than once with the same person of the
>>>opposite sex. 
>> 
>> But dating within the same sex is ok ? :-)
>> 
> 
>I never said it was, but lets just face it, If the person would go out
>on a date with the same sex. His or her partner would never be able to
>win would they............?
> 

Not necessarily.  There *are* same-sex partners reading this group, I'm 
sure.

>>>3) Sleeps, (you would have never guessed) with somebody else.
>> 
>> *If* not sleeping around is part of the agreement,,,
>> 
> 
>If it is there  is  something  _very_  wrong  with  the  relationship
>anyway.
> 

Again, not necessarily.  You are assuming an *exclusive* relationship.  
Stephen is answering to a *general* relationship.  There are people who 
*do not* maintain exclusive relationships; therefore they *may* sleep with 
more than one person.  *If* everyone knows that there is no exclusivity in 
the relationship, no cheating is involved.
The problem with answering the original question "What is cheating?" is 
that the question is too ambiguous.  

-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
From: jordan@cs.tulane.edu (Misti Jordan)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Romantic music list
Date: 17 Apr 92 16:53:28 GMT
Article-I.D.: cs.1992Apr17.165328.23286
Organization: Computer Science Dept., Tulane Univ., New Orleans, LA
Nntp-Posting-Host-[nntpd-23239]: sinbad


In article <CS132093.92Apr16153401@cslab1f.cs.brown.edu>, cs132093@cs.brown.edu (Mark "?" Prince) writes:
>
> Les Miserables:
>       (I almost cry when I hear some of these songs.)
>       On My Own (esp)

Absolutely awesome song!!!!!!!

>       (Shoot, can't think of the name of the other...first line
>       which comes to mind is:
>
>       Fantine sings:  "He took my youth in his stride...
>                        he filled my days with endless wonder.
>                       "Still I dream he comes to me..."

This is my favorite song from Les Mis-- and the best scene in the whole
production!
The name of the song is "I Dreamed A Dream".
For those who don't know the song, I'm gonna attempt to quote part of it
here:

There was a time when men were kind, when their voices were soft, and their
words inviting... There was a time when the world was a song, and the song
was exciting... There was a time when it all went wrong...

Well, I think I missed a little bit in that quote, but you get the picture
of her feelings as she is singing the song. It is truly a beautiful song,
and,just to set the record straight, I *did* cry when I saw these songs
performed! (and every time I listen to my tape...<-; )

>
> The romantic attraction of Les Mis isn't just the state of Cosette's
> romance, but Eponine's and Fantine's loss of it.
>

True. Once again, I would recommend this book/play/musical/music to anyone.
Even just sitting down with the tapes, reading a synopsis and listening
to the songs, you can get a feel for the storyline and you fall in love
with the characters... but I have always had this habit of placing myself
in the shoes of characters I like, and I certainly wouldn't mind having
someone sing "In My Life" or "Heart Full Of Love" to me! <-=...

From here I could go into Phantom of the Opera... but I'll spare you...
this time...=-}

Misti
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: bss2p@kelvin.seas.Virginia.EDU (Brent S. Stone)
Subject: A Question for Females
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Sun, 12 Apr 1992 05:50:46 GMT



I breezed through some of the previous letters and well, this appears
to be the best place to pose this question.  (Actually, Wolverine
posted a letter related to this topic, although he's apparently 
making some progress.)

Here's the situation:
A male and female have been friends (not best friends, but good ones)
and the male has definitely wanted to change the relationship.
Not-so-cryptic messages were passed on to her, but she never acknowledged 
them.  Well a short time has passed and her reason for not going out
at the time was because its "too dangerous" for her to become involved
with friends.  Now I never have been involved in a situation like this
from her point of view and of course, I AM a guy, so it really makes
no sense too me.  Even though she admits having a good time together
and sharing a couple a private moments together (as friends), well...

On to my question.. I don't want any theories on why she doesn't want to
get involved (I could think of a few dozen reasons better than "we're
friends" and she's seeing someone else now anyway).  What I do want to
know is - do women usually avoid becoming involved with friends? 
From my naive nice-guy viewpoint, it makes more sense to go from 
friends--> beyond than to   ??? -----> friends.  

I really need a few good answers to sort this out.
From: reyy@vax5.cit.cornell.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: A Question for Females
Date: 16 Apr 92 16:51:27 EDT
Distribution: world
Organization: Cornell University

In article <15APR199218264309@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov>,
aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline) writes: 
> In article <scott.703371892@phylo>, scott@phylo.life.uiuc.edu (Scott Howard) writes...
>><32DPO6T@CMUVM.CSV.CMICH.EDU> writes:
>> 
>>>If you do
>>>go out with someone who you were first friends with, and you break up for some
>>>stupid reason, you're out of a relationship and a friendship.
>> 
>>Wait, you mean you can't be friends with someone you sleep with?
>>I can't imagine doing something that intimate with someone I didn't
>>have a good friendship with.
>> 
> 
> I think we're talking about someone with whom you've been friends for a 
> time.  There is a real (and true) fear that if the more intimate boyfriend/
> girlfriend relationship breaks up, the friendship that preceded it will 
> also be lost.
> It's hard to go back to liking someone when you loved them.  Not to mention 
> the hurt and sometimes angry feelings that usually occur during the breakup 
> of a romantic relationship.
> 
> -- Teresa
> 
> 		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!

I would like to interject here.  I do believe there is a fear of
not being as close after a relationship.  A friend of mine has
told me repeatedly how it really annoys her that her ex-boyfriends
tend to not want to be friends anymore (maybe that's why she wouldn't
date me..?).  Personally, I can't see how you can't be friends,
or even not want to be friends after a romantic relationship.  
Unless, of course, the friendship was kind of weak to begin with.
But I also believe that it takes some time to get over someone.

Case in point, last summer the aforementioned friend and I were
(and still are) very close.  Unfortunately, I was madly in love
with her, and she just wanted to be friends (surprise!).  But
the problem was I needed to get over her, but I couldn't stop
being with her for fear that she think I don't want to be friends.
(We definitely had a communication problem.  I don't show emotions
well.)  So, I tried to deal with her not being in love with me
and remain friends, when I was still in love with her.  Consequently,
I think it took me a lot longer to get over her.  We're great friends
now, and I am much better at telling her how I feel.  She's still one
of the top three women in my life (including my mom).

My point?  Well, I definitely think friendship after a romantic
relationship should be continued.  Is my "time away" theory
valid?  (Should I have taken a bit of time away from her to 
get over her? or could that have made things worse?)

Thanks for listening..
David S. Rowell
REYY@Vax5.cit.cornell.edu
.sig available upon request