From: csz55@seq1.keele.ac.uk (Christopher Wrigley)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Definition of paed/RESPONSE to Enigma
Date: 14 Apr 92 00:18:25 GMT
Organization: University of Keele, England


Subject: Re: Definition of paedophilia
=> >	     I am NOT going to reply to any _posts in reponse to
=> >         this, unless a new group is formed to discuss such
=> >         issues.  I will only respond to e-mail
=> >
=>
=> I understand, Chris.  I'm not posting this to try and drag you into a
=> debate, but I have a feeling that posting this is in some way necessary
=> to my healing.

Granted, and if it is necessary to your healing I feel it worthy of
exception.

=>>Type '1' activities range from kissing (to the extent of normal adults),
=>>cuddling, and other activities which are not interpreted as being
=>>'sexual'. This usually occurs when a close friendship has developed/
=>
=> So we're talking here about an adult kissing and cuddling a child 
=> while being sexually attracted to children.  This is not something
=> which I feel is okay.

Agreeably, it is not very comfortable conceptualizing an adult getting
turned on by interacting with a child.

=>  The adult presumably thinks the child is not aware that something
=> more than affection is going on, but (speaking as a former child
=> myself) I think that the child could very well be aware that
=> something "funny" is going on.

This is a very good argument, many thanks for pointing this out.
If this happens though, usually one of a few things might result:

i)  Paed senses negative and uncomfortable feeling (stroke) and
    immediately discontinues the said behaviour.

ii) As above but continues behaviour. This is unlikely for type '1',
    because to continue in this way would almost certainly cause the
    child to be uncomfortable and lose interest/feeling for the adult.
    Since this is not in the paedophile's interests, s/he would usually
    discontinue the offending act(s).   Again, with type '1', the
    friendship is more important than any physical contact.

iii) The child pretends that s/he enjoys/thinks nothing of the
     suspicious acts. At one extreme this may not psychologically affect
     the child whatsoever. Opposite extreme... sexual abuse. Don't you
     think that this can happen with adults who are not attracted to 
     children?  I mean, how far do you go?  A healthy adult who kisses
     his/her child affectionately with no sexual intention _can
     inadvertently sexually abuse their child.
    
=>  My memories are extremely fuzzy, of course, and I don't feel
=> comfortable making any accusations here, but I think this happened
=> to me when I was very small, and I'm getting a very strong feeling
=> that I knew something was going on, and it confused and scared me.

I believe you, in fact I share with you that very feeling. As a result
I hated anyone to come near me, I felt uncomfortable when people touched
me in any way. Now, even though I'm conscious of it, I allow people to
touch me.... it's funny, but I actually feel good when people _do touch
me as I feel wanted and loved, even though it feels horribly wrong. I'm
sure many of you know what I mean.

=> I've been wishing I could remember what happened to me, but it's 
=> really hard.

Yes it is, particularly when you have suffered some kind of abuse. It
is the brains way of surpressing the hurt and turmoil that would
otherwise damage oneself even further. It chooses to forget, a rather
good defence, wouldn't you agree.... except when the pervading memories
that lurk beneath, come to attack - cowardly denying the victim any real
explanation of their presence, taunting you like a shadow that forms on
your bedroom wall, the object aggravating your curiosity. 
Guerrilla warfare, that's what I call it.    Pretty apt, huh?

Thank you for the post, Enigma.

		Chris
__
Christopher Wrigley 
                                 "Words are sometimes used to conceal
University of Keele, England        rather than reveal one's feelings."
JANET - csz55@uk.ac.keele.