From: rlk@underprize.think.com (Robert Krawitz)
Newsgroups: alt.atheism
Subject: Re: Dealing with theistic relatives
Date: 7 Sep 92 21:00:06
Organization: Thinking Machines Corporation, Cambridge Mass., USA
	<1992Sep7.025538.12862@news.ysu.edu>
NNTP-Posting-Host: underprize.think.com
In-reply-to: ae642@yfn.ysu.edu's message of Mon, 7 Sep 1992 02:55:38 GMT

In article <1992Sep7.025538.12862@news.ysu.edu> ae642@yfn.ysu.edu (Kelley Miller) writes:

   In a previous article, oser@fermi.wustl.edu (Scott Oser) says:

   >	Does anyone have any observations on dealing with religious relatives?
   >How does one breach the subject of being an atheist and deal with the 
   >inevitably negative response?

   Why would the response be "inevitably negative"?  Do your relatives not have
   respect for you intellect, for your ability to make decisions for yourself?

Depends upon one's relatives.  My parents, for one example, don't really
believe that I don't believe in god.  They think I'm just trying make a
point, or some such.  I get all the usual nonsense that's covered
remarkably well in the FAQ, so I mailed them a copy of it.  I don't
think they even bothered to read it.

   >	Personally, I still find myself going to church with my parents
   >when I visit them, because I know that if I refused and explained why,
   >they wouldn't be happy campers, and I'd rather just waste an hour on
   >Sunday than deal with the hassle.

I'm a bit more outspoken when it comes to going to synagogue.  If
nothing else, I like to be able to sleep late on Saturdaze, and I'm not
that keen on getting dressed up and going for a 2 mile walk early in the
morning.  Not to mention that I feel generally uncomfortable in a
blatantly religious environment...

   This sounds very much like the problem of coming out to your parents when 
   you are gay.  Perhaps the same advice would hold here--

   While you are your parent's child, you are not them.  You have a
   right, a responsibility, to be true to yourself, and your parents
   have a responsibility to respect your individuality.  They may not
   agree with your choice, but it is up to them to accept you as you
   are.  If they choose not to, that's on them, not on you.

Which doesn't particularly lessen the unpleasantness.

   No...the reason there are so few overtly open atheists (more than you think,
   though) is that the average atheist sees no need to be forthcoming about 
   their philosophy, until it is stepped upon.

And unfortunately, it can get constantly stepped on.  From the
philosophical ("_Everyone_ believes in something...you can't prove that
God *doesn't* exist...you have to admit that *something* must have
created everything") to the practical (and speculative) ("Oh, that's
nice, is she Jewish?  What do you mean, you're dating a non-Jewish girl?
Kids *have* to believe in something!").

The fact that I simply want to lead my life as I see fit without
interference in irrelevant issues, and that I have no interest in
interfering with how they live their lives, never quite penetrates.

   And yes, absolutely, it is possible to be openly atheist and still hold on
   to their family.  My folks are devout babtist, and while they don't agree 
   with my views, they allow me those views without prejudice and without 
   browbeating.

Interestingly enough, I take less heat from my sister (who's Orthodox --
very religious) than from my parents (who aren't as religious).  She
certainly doesn't approve of my point of view, but she doesn't push me
on it as hard as they do.  We once compared notes and found out that our
father was giving her almost as much heat as he was giving me!  It was
mildly amusing, if rather silly.
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