HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Pistols Haiku (Re: Blue Haiku)
Date: 13 Nov 92 23:25:18 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: alfalfa.intel.com

In article <BxMn7J.1nq@news.cso.uiuc.edu> rint69@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (rintoul bradley e) writes:
>No, no,no those aren't morbid enuff, man...

It's an abortion
I wanna be anarchy
EMI

				--Blair
				  "There is no reason why."
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton)
Subject: Sandman (Was Re: just curious)
Summary: Pugnacious Rim Dweller On the Road
Organization: t.b, t.p.d, & a.d
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 02:23:35 GMT

Mark Steyn (marks@castle.ed.ac.uk) wrote:
: sme3@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (SCOTT MATTHEW ESTRIN) writes:
: 
: >In article <1992Nov16.155912.27459@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>, mneeley@nyx.cs.du.edu (
: >Mark Neeley) writes:
: >>
: >>What's the scientific name for eye gunk?
: >>
: >>       Mark
: 
: Aha - Who doesn't read 'The Sandman' then?
  Here?  Very few don't, so we'll have to slice your eyeballs out
for thinking this is something you can be smugly pretentious about.
I like the Sandman myself, but it's nothing to brag about in this 
company.

: Now let's see it's either Aqueous Humour or Vitreous Humour, though I
: realise that my spelling is somewhat out.
  Only if you are referring to the type of eye gunk which leaks out
after we have sliced your eyes out.  

  -- Clifton

P.S.  You could have redeemed yourself by pointing out that the 
baby gargoyle Goldie/Irving would be the perfect design for the 
"Hell's Cavenewts" motorcycle jackets, what with the blobby head
and body and the vestigial wings.  

Since you didn't, I had to do it myself.  

--
cliftonr@netcom.com     Home: +1 808 521 9073  Work: +1 808 625 3234
Pope of the Church of the Subgenius in Paradise
"Have a revelation, the first one's free/Soon to be addicted to eternity" - HMR
Organization: Freshman, MCS general, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 12:07:42 -0500 
From: Mark Joseph Delano <md4y+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: Short Shamefull Physics
	<1ea00vINN4nk@girtab.usc.edu>

>In article <sf1xZhq00aw4QgymAU@andrew.cmu.edu> Mark Joseph Delano
<md4y+@andrew
>.cmu.edu> writes:                                          ^^^^^^
> 
>.... Delano???
> 
> 
>5150
>you've got some `splainin' to do, ajd
 
I wanna hear what he has to say too.
From: echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: The irony of Rictus
Date: 18 Nov 1992 17:36:39 -0800
Organization: <censored>
NNTP-Posting-Host: girtab.usc.edu

In article <JON.92Nov17105839@zeus.med.utah.edu> jon@zeus.med.utah.edu (Jonathan Byrd) writes:
>He tries hard to fail, and succeeds.

But does he succeed in failing, or does he succeed, therefore failing?

5150
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gerald@torolab4.vnet.ibm.com (Gerald Oskoboiny)
Subject: delirious
Originator: gerald@gerald
Date: 19 Nov 92 15:40:15 GMT
Reply-To: gerald@torolab4.vnet.ibm.com
Organization: November is seafood month
Keywords: chuckle, what?

I am currently at the tail end of a very long shift. So long, that I have
become rather delirious, and the mere thought of anything even remotely
funny sends me into gales of laughter. Even the sight of the word "dilirious"
is good for a smirk, I've already checked to see if it's in /usr/dict/words
about four times, because it doesn't look like it's spelled correctly.

For the last couple hours, I have been going into my news archives about
every ten minutes to read the line from gooley's latest "sniping at bad
erotica" that says:

> felt the first splash <runny stuff, what? have you been feeding him right?>

Ha, ha. There it goes again. "runny stuff, what?". Just like a Brit.

I've done it so many times that I know the exact keystrokes needed to get
there with nn: "nn -g^M+funny^M$v uuu"

I don't know why this seems so funny.

Gerald
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader)
Subject: Re: Investment Tip
Summary: Apologies to Rob Dobson for stealing his schtick
Originator: pv@gagme
Keywords: For some reason, Lemur
Organization: Inline Software Creations
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 20:46:35 GMT

ata boy writes:
>Sell short now.  Guaranteed to make a big profit over four years.

HAW HAW HAW !@!@!

BILL CLINTON IS GOING TO WRECK THE ECONOMY!
IT'S JUST LIKE GEORGE BUSH!

Feel free to subscribe to alt.whimpering.fuck and get the hell out of here,
you microcephalic excuse for a Homo Sapiens. PV

P.S. Yeah, I know. This happens sometimes when I get over-excited. Try me
     again in a few minutes.
-- 
Paul Vader            systems analyst, rollerblader, hell's cavenewt,
pv@gagme.chi.il.us    FOAF, vindicated liberal democrat
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux)
Subject: Failure of MicroManagement
Organization: Castle WetWare Philosopher and Sniper
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 20:22:03 GMT



sub_text_on_micro_management:

I have an old seastory about a pair of lesbians I knew,
the baby dyke of which had this fantasy about wanting to
watch her lover make it with a GUY. And through the 
'simple twists of fate' I was selected. The problem came
when the baby dyke became 'concerned' that I not 'hurt
her lover.' And all I could say was: 'trust me, I KNOW
about these things.....'


ciao
drieux

ps: sometimes you just have to delegate things to
those who KNOW what they are doing....


-- 
Modern Day Problems:
Little Miss Muffett, sat on a ToughtIt,
Eating her Kurds and Weighs, Along came a Spider,
and she drove off with the Neat Guy with a HOT CAR!
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Blood Clot Boy)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short Shameful Pretension
Date: 20 Nov 1992 05:47:21 GMT
Organization: The International House of Secretions
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <1ehlcbINN64t@uwm.edu> terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (St Theresa of the Net) writes:
*My mom called a couple months ago to tell me that she "read an article in
*the Journal about how women should n't have their phone numbers in their
*answering macine messages."

Did she leave a message for the cats?


Mark "Hi Ricter and Milo meow meow meow" Lippert
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: beware of angel
Date: 16 Nov 1992 07:57:36 GMT
Organization: UC Berkeley CS Dept.
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: cobra.cs.berkeley.edu

what the hell!  i mean, would you have gone in?  knocked even?  hey?

yeah, right.  

uh huh.

so i just tacked it to the door and got out of there in a hurry.

c
From: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: What's Wrong with this picture?
Date: 15 Nov 1992 15:34:30 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc10.ins.cwru.edu


 caz@owlnet.rice.edu (HWRNMNBSOL) says:

> tomf@gte.com (Tom Fawcett) writes:
>|> 
>|> MJD's sister:
>|> > > I just want to know if I should get you a Christmas present (Pat is
>|> > > saying that if you don't come for X-Mas you don't get no goodies and I
>|> > > already bought you something so let me know if I should take it
>|> > > back...Okay)
>|> 
>|> MJD challenges:
>|> > Find at least six things wrong here.
>|> 
>|> 1) Your mother, Pat, is actually a marine snail _Hermissenda crassicornis_
>|> with approximately 200 neurons in her nervous system, and is capable of
>|> little
>|> more than following water salinity gradients and detecting red-green light
>|> sources, so she is clearly incapable of articulating the implied threat
>|> mentioned by your sister, let alone the sophisticated temporal reasoning
>|> required to plan the celebration of a major religious holiday.
>
>2) "X-Mas", contrary to mainstream American thought, is not a cuteified way
>of saying "Christmas".  X-Mas is an ancient feasting holiday of the Wiccans,
>and is celebrated by dancing, howling, and the consumption of fetal pig 
>organs.  Gifts are rarely given; however, heavy and repetitious blows to the
>groin are considered commonplace.  X-Mas is not celebrated at the same time
>annually, but this year the happy occasion happens to fall on Flag Day. 
>Hence, bringing a Christmas present over X-Mas is a faux pas of extraordinary
>callousness, and should be punished by injecting air bubbles into your 
>sister's bloodstream.

3-7) Find at least three things wrong here. -- anagram
     *************************************************
        No sex, swearing, fights, death, 'r lint!
     *************************************************

-- 
=======================
"Endeavor to persevere"
=======================
From: bc@Apple.COM (bill coderre)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short Shameful Girlfriend
Date: 20 Nov 92 17:27:27 GMT
Organization: Apple Computer Inc., Cupertino, CA

Dorsey:
|Yes, but who is going to hold her legs up off the ground?

Oh my dear boy! Surely you went to college...

What did you think milk crates were for? Putting records in?

mr HEINOUS
and they leave such great stripey marks on smooth flesh

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: boutell@isis.cshl.org (Tom Boutell)
Subject: Re: phage
Organization: Cold Spring Harbor Labs
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 15:53:35 GMT

In article <1ehm1iINN662@uwm.edu> terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (St Theresa of the Net) writes:
>... favorite ex boyfriend ...

This is my favorite phrase of the week.

Sort of like "favorite former ally."

-T

-- 
Tom Boutell, boutell@cshl.org

Clausthaler is the best non - alcoholic beer in the known universe.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: should be taken only on the advice of a physician
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 21:42:47 GMT

In <1edpedINN2e8@rave.larc.nasa.gov> kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey) writes:
>In article <1992Nov18.141202.12713@alchemy.chem.utoronto.ca> mroussel@alchemy.chem.utoronto.ca (Marc Roussel) writes:
>>  I presume that the
>>sand (silicon dioxide) is there as a byproduct of the industrial process
>>that produces and refines cyclamates.
>Close.  The silicon dioxide is there to prevent clump formation, and to
>keep the mixture from sticking to the side of the mixing equipment in 
>higher humidities.  

Not close.  The sand is in there because they aren't allowed to throw out
in the trash the stuff they use to soak up the oil in their garage.
From: dgross@zeus.calpoly.edu (Dave Gross)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Rictus Hep attends the coronation, part VI
Date: 24 Nov 92 04:22:47 GMT
Organization: Manumission:  The Campus Men's Forum

The rafters!  I shot and that. A worser omen than this could hardly
be planned. Do you suppose it could be in my contract? Between the
dental floss? Leave it to the legal staff, you should have been
informed. You don't have to put up with to do put up to with this do.
From: andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: oops
Date: 18 Nov 92 17:10:57 GMT
Organization: Spider Systems Limited, Edinburgh, UK.

In article <sf1rps8@zola.esd.sgi.com> cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
>---
>I left a comma out of my previous post.
>Here it is:	,
>
>---
>c j silverio

Oh shit, now I've got to go back and re-read your last article to find out
where to put it.

Won't it screw up your wonderful alignment ?
-- 
|      Andy Cannon       | Sweater, n:                                   |     
| Misplaced Yorkshireman |            A garment worn by a child when its |     
|   Spider Systems Ltd   | mother feels chilly.                          |     
|  andrewc@spider.co.uk  |                     ......And Still the Moon  |    
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,soc.motss
From: dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer)
Subject: Re: I Become a Marrow Donor
Organization: S.P. Dyer Computer Consulting, Cambridge MA
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 21:40:16 GMT

In article <Bxwxy9.IFq@world.std.com> entropy@world.std.com (The Entropic one) writes:
>>Interesting. This spring a friend of mine who happens to be gay and
>>whose sexual experience happens to be exactly zero was disqualified
>>from donating blood on the basis of being gay.

Most unfortunate.  It would be interesting to know if others have faced
this.  The questions (as I've understood them) at least in our local
chapter have always been phrased in terms of behavior, and do not ask
about orientation.  Of course, it's been a while since I've given blood.

>Perhaps he should ask if they mean
>1) All gay people cannot be trusted.
>2) All gay people have risk for AIDS even without risky activites.
>When they answer sue for libel.

Maybe you should learn what "libel" means before you start giving legal
advice.

-- 
Steve Dyer
dyer@ursa-major.spdcc.com aka {ima,harvard,rayssd,linus,m2c}!spdcc!dyer
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Horror story title
Date: 17 Nov 92 16:07:38 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: Bugs-R-Us


Thomas the Tank Engine Meets Doctor Beeching

cuttingly, Ken Johnson






-- 
                                  //// Ken Johnson, A I Applications Institute
Don't get off while it's moving. ////       80 South Bridge, EDINBURGH EH1 1HN
                                ////                  E-mail ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
                               ////       Phone 031-650 2756  Fax 031-650 6513
From: state@sargent.cs.unc.edu (Andrei State)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Oral sex
Date: 19 Nov 92 04:03:16 GMT
Organization: The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

In alt.sex, soc.culture.jewish, thf2@midway.uchicago.edu (ted frank) writes:
> [...] nasser@leland.Stanford.EDU (Hima Vatti) writes:
>
> > Can someone tell me if oral sex is against
> > judaism?  My girlfriend is jewish, and she
> > won't give me a blowjob.  
>
> Are you circumcised?  Perhaps your uncleanliness is the problem.
> Ask your girlfriend to circumcise you.  Make sure she uses a dull blade.

This is my favorite post of the week.


Andrei

"On the net, we can read defenses of heterosexuality, bisexuality,
 homosexuality, asexuality, pansexuality, and probably even sado- homo-
 necro- pedo- bestiality.  But beyond the redoubtable Andrei State, who
 is going to defend plain old uncircumcised males?" -- David Vacca
From: sme3@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (SCOTT MATTHEW ESTRIN)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: QUESTION ABOUT HOWARD STERN'S NEW VIDEO..PLEASE READ!
Date: 21 Nov 92 00:23:22 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <6318@pdxgate.UUCP>, zorak@eecs.cs.pdx.edu (Krezo) writes:
>In the Nov. 20 issue of Entertainment Weekly, there is an article that
>talks about a video called "Butt Bongo Fiesta", which is put together by
>disc jockey Howard Stern.  The article says it can only be ordered through
>an 800 number. If anyone has any information about this, as far as how I
>get the number, what the tape is like, etc., please, please post a reply
>or mail me. I really appreciate any info you can give...

The number is 1-800-52-STERN.

I haven't seen this tape, but I've seen two of his others, and they're not
very good compared to his radio show.  But if you've never seen or heard
anything by Howard, I would recommend the tape.

Howard is God!

                        - Scott

                        
-- 

{======================================================================}
{ Scott M. Estrin, PhD.  /\     "If it's broken take it apart and look }
{ (Well, maybe someday) <<>>    around.  If it's not broken, take it   }
{ sme3@Lehigh.EDU        \/     apart anyway.  Then it will be."       }
{======================================================================}
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Blood Clot Boy)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short Shamefull Blossom
Date: 19 Nov 1992 08:26:13 GMT
Organization: The International House of Secretions
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <98170@netnews.upenn.edu> kahn@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy S Kahn) writes:
*In article <1992Nov11.222438.26805@thyme.jpl.nasa.gov> dan@thyme.jpl.nasa.gov (Dan Allard) writes:
*>Watched more than 10 seconds of Blossom before changing channel
*>
*>(have not yet fully recovered)
*
*That's no challenge!  I once watched Nickelodeon's Sunday line-up straight
*through from _Rugrats_ through _Fifteen_.

Rugrats AND Blossom?!?!  I think I'm in love again.  Tell me, how do you
feel about the Patty Duke Show?


Mark "Of course, I fall in love roughly every 2.5 days" Lippert 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: guycole@netcom.com (Guy Cole)
Subject: ssc
Keywords: Mr. Bad Example
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 07:20:29 GMT

I have a secret urge to hear Rush do a cover of "Achey Breaky Heart" [tm].

-- 
//gsc - I went to San Diego State for your sins.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: dann hat sie sich durch seine Augen gesehn: Endstation Sehnsucht
Organization: University of Central Florida
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 03:04:25 GMT

gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Craig Shergold) writes:

>In London in 1991 there were 393 deaths in
>road traffic accidents, and 185 homicides;                                 /
>I guess the car lobby has hired the IRA to                                /
>try to make the statistics more favourable                               / g

Does a car bomb count as both?

------------------------------------------------------------
mark schnitzius           |  seeking guitar songbook for the
schnitzi@eola.cs.ucf.edu  |  clash's "london calling".  does
univ. of central florida  |  one even exist?  will pay top $
------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Re: happy turkey day
Originator: jcarroll@ferris
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 23 Nov 92 16:38:07 CST


In article <1992Nov23.154056.3438@netcom.com>, gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) writes:
> 	I bought a 13-lb turkey at 39 cents a pound, defrosted it, hacked
> the meat off, and put it through my Rival Grinder even though it is not a
> rival.  Turkey burgers _ad nauseam_ in my future.

Oh, I don't know, I think we should take a vote.

Is the turkey Gooley's rival? All those in favor...

jkc (well, not any *more* it isn't)
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: VERY SHAMEFUL CONFESSION
Date: 23 Nov 92 00:22:39 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona

In article <SOL.92Nov21004919@mccolla.cogsci.ed.ac.uk> sol@cogsci.ed.ac.uk (Ana) writes:
>
>The Scots!@!
>HAW HAW HAW!!!@@
>The SCOTS HAVIN SEX@!@
>haw... eh.

I take it you've SEEN Sheena Easton, then?

				--Blair
				  "Short, thin women with long,
				   dark, red hair and nice lips."
From: bd622@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Sten-Erik Armitage)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Truly Bizzare...
Date: 18 Nov 1992 10:20:10 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu


	Is there a way to have messages from this UseNet bizzare
service mailed to my Internet address?

	Wow!  That comment defies reality...

Please reply via E-mail...Politely...
From: bc@Apple.COM (bill coderre)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Another Weird Way to Have Sex
Date: 19 Nov 92 21:40:22 GMT
Organization: Apple Computer Inc., Cupertino, CA

rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson) writes:
|while posting a description of it into rec.music.enya


Oh come on now.

Play fair.

I mean, no one there would know what you were talking about.

mr HEINOUS
testing the airlock on the bomb shelter as we speak
From: damianj@castle.ed.ac.uk (Damian Jackson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Living in a time warp
Date: 15 Nov 92 16:07:17 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

cs199aa@sdcc5.ucsd.edu (Mark Fletcher) writes:

>Help! The most current t.b. articles that I've been able to read are
>from YESTERDAY. Is it such an unreasonable request to be able to
>read news posted the same day? As you can imagine, I'm pretty upset
>over all of this.

>Life is hell.

>Mark

You think that's bad?

Ponder on this.

One day, a day in the not-so-distant future, news-feeds will be,
to all intents and purposes, instantaneous.  The moment you have
posted an article, it will flash up in thousands of news-readers
the world over.  News will arrive _continuously_.  The way that
posters interact will be altered dramatically, and probably for
the worse.  People will spend longer and longer reading and posting
news, as they will see follow-ups to their articles almost
immediately from throughout the world, and follow-up to them ad
infinitum.  We will become hooked on an intravenous news supply.

And that's why the news-feeds have to be maintained as they
are and we must destroy - Yes, I say destroy - any threat to
the status quo of the news-feeds. 

The very survival of civilisation as we know it depends on 
the preservation of current slow and faulty news-feeds.

Damian
damianj@castle.ed.ac.uk
--
Of course, if the Russians had a large-scale internal news
system, and it was faster and more reliable than ours,
then it would become vital not to get behind in news-feed
technology, and to build a faster and better system than
theirs.  We must maintain news-feed parity.  We must not
allow a news-feed gap to develop.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gerald@torolab4.vnet.ibm.com (Gerald Oskoboiny)
Subject: Re: just curious
Originator: gerald@gerald
Date: 16 Nov 92 23:01:21 GMT
Distribution: na
Reply-To: gerald@torolab4.vnet.ibm.com
Organization: November is seafood month

mneeley@nyx.cs.du.edu (Mark Neeley) writes:

>What's the scientific name for eye gunk?

People always tell me I have some "sleep" in my eye.

Gerald -shhh, don't wake it
From: operjfw@NeXTwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu (Waldby)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: C'mon, guys...
Date: 15 Nov 1992 23:27:07 GMT
Organization: Computer Science Department at Rose-Hulman
Reply-To: operjfw@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: o233-27.nextwork.rose-hulman.edu

Hey, who's the joker. You thought you all
could pull one over on me. Give me my brain
back.

C'mon guys, this isn't funny. First you
try to hack my account, and now someone's
walked off with my brain.

--
I'm a busy, busy man, so if you want me
to see replies, please send to
operjfw@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu