HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: william@syacus.acus.oz.au (William Mason)
Subject: Re: Women's Postings
Organization: ACUS Australian Centre for Unisys Software, Sydney
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 14:45:36 GMT

Hello everyone.  

I must ask a pardon for the following.  Sometimes a few electrons
collect and decide to indulge in parthenogenesis.  Such errant
behaviour deserves feedback from its environment.  Of course, I
could be wrong.  

Mr Steve, have you ever considered the aphorism that: your
communication may be the the result you get, not what you say ?
Reading the responses of others is a nice way to understand this
small thought.  You may be correct in your observation -- proving 
what ?!

You wish to express pain, dejection, dissapointment, sorrow ?  Good !
Ask yourself, is this the result you desire ?  I hope you read the 
other replies that I've seen.  It's behaviour like yours that gives
humans a bad name.

sehamb01@rigel.spd.louisville.edu (Steve Hamburg) writes:
>I find it an incredible coincidence that every single female that posts in everynews group is gorgeous with long black or blonde hair, blue eyes, tan, slim, 
>etc...

>You women are constantly shitting down us male's throats, but at least we tell
>it like it is.  Every single damn woman I have ever talked with is a Cindy
>Crawford who wants a male to soak up everything she says and to be her puppet.
>[...]
>So, why don't you prove me wrong!  Instead of retaliating and telling me how
>much of a shithead I am, why don't you respectable, honest women write me and
>then I will apologize to you PERSONALLY for making this harsh generalization.

Hmmm, I glad that there is a backhanded apology.  At least you showed some 
cool there.  Now, you're thinking clearly ... who will respond to your 
message ?  That is, I mean, what type of person ????

Care in our wishing is more important, if you are not careful; you will
get what you asked for.  My sympathy, then again ...

Thanks for the time.


Regarding a sunset %% Death of a dream,

   Will.
-- 

__ "Shoot straight you bastards and don't make a mess of it." The Breaker. __
 _--_|\    William Mason                 ACSnet:    william@syacus.acus.OZ
/ ACUS \   Aust Ctr UNISYS S/w           Internet:  william@syacus.acus.OZ.AU
From: zoltar@glasgow.amigans.gen.nz (Grant Thoms)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Re:  talk to me
Date: 21 Dec 92 12:29:35 PST
Distribution: world
Organization: Smiley Research Centre. (NZ Division)

In article <1992Dec16.162817.2504@emr1.emr.ca> gairns@ccrs.emr.ca (Jamie
Gairns) writes:

>>>Hello!  Anyone want to talk?  Come on, I'm bored!  Ask me anything!

>>whatever happened to kajagoogoo?

>   Isn't that a breakfast spread (like peanut butter, Nutella or
>   some sort of jam ?) to be drunk with coffee (preferrably Gin!)

Hmm, Isn't that the Band?? they just disappered off the face of the earth,
(well off the charts about 4 years or more ago anyway)..

What I want to know, is why did the band Madness split??? Not fair...

Grant
:-)

-- 
---------------------------------------------------------------
Zoltar@glasgow.amigans.gen.nz - Radio/Television Broadcasting  
    //         Grant Thoms, Wanganui, New Zealand    o o       
  \X/AMIGA              -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-            `-'`Smile'
Quote: `If I was any nicer, I'd be moving in with your grandma'
---------------------------------------------------------------


Newsgroups: alt.personals
From: hstoecklin@munich.enet.dec.com (Helmut Stoecklin)
Subject: double nationality
Reply-To: hstoecklin@munich.enet.dec.com (Helmut Stoecklin)
Organization: Digital Equipment GmbH, Munich
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 16:21:07 GMT



	maybe someone can give me some hints if I start right here:

	I'd like to get US citizenship in addition to my german one
	in the long run. Travelling between these two 'worlds'
	(including doing business etc.) seems a lot easier to me
	this way. As I cannot afford spending one million dollar
	to 'buy' a green card, the logical way to me seems to find
	an unmarried american MOTOS who has a comparable interest
	in getting a german passport (and nothing else of course)
	and to make a special deal with her that serves both of us.

	Can you native americans tell me some tricks as to how
	to play the game?

	thanks!


							helmut
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Re: Princess seeks Prince
From: passt1+@pitt.edu (Phil A Sircely)
Date: 2 Jan 93 05:34:46 GMT
Organization: University of Pittsburgh


In article <1992Dec28.214725.4688@lemuria.sai.com> ap.6575@cupid.sai.com writes:
>intelligent conversations, romantic, neat/clean and independent.  Since I am
>neither jealous nor possessive, I would appreciate the same in you.   

If I could find some one this perfect anywhere I would probably kill myself.  
Please tell me that this person will never be found.
What oddities?  Whats different about you.  


Well I like fairytales but refuse to beleive that they actually happen.  

I hopoe you find a prince but also hope that one doesn't exist.  if less  
perfectly close to your description is ok. Then mail feel free to mail me.  

follup to readers:

Yeash sure is picky about her prince.  




-- 
---------        Philip R. Spagnolli               University of Pittsburgh
---------        passt1@pmax1.cis.pitt.edu
have a nice day              
if you can.  HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAH
From: pooh@Apple.COM (Pooh)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Re: SF ISO S*M
Date: 22 Dec 92 12:45:25 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Internet Refugee Camp

In the referenced article, keithg@cnmhnet.UUCP (keith garrard) writes:
>Yes Wong, I agree with you whoeheartedly.  If you
>get a woman in her 30's who has been living on her own
>for a while, and who is independent, then you might
>as well forget her.  She is used to doing what she wants
>when she wants, and she won't be interested in a man tying
>her down. 

Well, I'm definitely in agreement with doing what I want
when I want, but who said anything about number three???  ;-)

(Flame to follow in the next article.)

Pooh
	pooh@apple.com
Newsgroups: alt.personals
From: catherin@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Catherine Manry)
Subject: Happy Holidays
Organization: Purdue University
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 23:11:29 GMT

I just wanted to wish each and everyone a safe and happy holiday.  May
the New Year bring you peace and happiness...


Catherine


catherin@sage.cc.purdue.edu


P.S.  Hey, how 'bout those Purdue Boilermakers!!!




Newsgroups: alt.personals,soc.singles
From: Diane
Subject: Re: SF ISO S*M
Organization: University of Missouri
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 92 08:59:53 CST

In article <264@cnmhnet.UUCP>
keithg@cnmhnet.UUCP (keith garrard) writes:
 
>Yes Wong, I agree with you whoeheartedly.  If you
>get a woman in her 30's who has been living on her own
>for a while, and who is independent, then you might
>as well forget her.  She is used to doing what she wants
>when she wants, and she won't be interested in a man tying
>her down.
 
No, by then she realizes that it's more fun to tie the man down.
That *is* what you meant, wasn't it?
  Diane
From: bleys@wisdom.bubble.org (Bill Cavanaugh)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: An MTV Observation.
Date: 26 Dec 92 05:54:16 GMT
Organization: Xanadu Enterprises, Inc.

Hmm....  I was just subjected to Papa Don't Preach on MTV again (I know,
but I was suffering from Post-Holiday Dinner Torpor, so I couldn't change
the channel :), and I noticed something that I would never have known if it
wasn't for the Erotica video -- Ms. Ciccone looks a heck of a lot better in
clothes.  I wonder why that is?

BTW, for all you college folks who keep looking for older women -- Madonna
is 33 or 34.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled personal.

bill

ob.personal: 33 y.o. SWM, 5'10", 200 lbs, blond, blue, and bearded, looking for
whatever comes along.
-- 
 *         Bill Cavanaugh       bleys@wisdom.bubble.org          *
XY + XX = :-)
From: gairns@ccrs.emr.ca (Jamie Gairns)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Re: Nah!  Immortality SUCKS!
Keywords: deity demigod tentacles flim-flam
Date: 22 Dec 92 20:51:50 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Canada Centre for Remote Sensing, Ottawa

In article <Zi0NrAgABh107h@mala.proteus.qc.ca> ranfry@mala.proteus.qc.ca (Ranfry) writes:
>>>>		Well, it DOES!
>>>	Well, it don't
>>		DO TOO!
>	Do NOT! <g> 
>
>BTW: Please be warned that there is an asshole out there with nothign better to do all day than writing email to those who post, sending them stupid posts.  I won't mention the jerk's name, because I don't reveal what people send in email, but this jerk thinks its fun to send cras useless email to people on the net.
>
	It ain't ME!
Newsgroups: alt.personals
From: gairns@ccrs.emr.ca (Seamus)
Subject: Re: swm
Organization: Canada Centre for Remote Sensing, Ottawa
Distribution: ba
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 05:05:40 GMT

{richg@netcom.com (Rich Graham) writes}
>Hi. I don't feel like being anonymous. And,
>I'm not afraid of any little faggots that would
>Call my number, And try to make some kind of joke,
>and piss me off. They make me laugh. So, call me.

	Gee, Rich ... with a sensitive intro like
	that, I can only surmise that women will
	be crawling all over you.  Come to think
	of it ... after reading that bullshit, I 
	get the creepy-crawlies ... coincidence ?

>And if you are a decent human being,
	Unlike YOU, you mean ?  ;-)

>I'm a writer.
	Perhaps, but not a CREATOR of words ... a writer of words.

>I'm a camper, but I don't think you should 
>judge me on the basis of what I write.
	Yet, you call yourself a writer ??

>Disclaimer: Rich speaks for everybody everywhere, all the time.
	So it seems.

Jamie  ...  a scourge in his own right!
-- 
	In fact, aren't you LYING?  Aren't you telling a LIE?  Isn't
	that what you just said a LIE ??   No further questions your
	Honour!
Newsgroups: alt.personals
From: an2350@anon.penet.fi
Subject: Diverse SWM ISO *F 
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.personals
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 19:37:47 GMT




Everyone seems to be so stuck on the whole idea of a....

>Non-smoker, no drugs, but high on life.
>Preferably non-smoker, non-drinker...


        Does this sound as boring to you as it does to me?
	Non-computer-nerd, smoking (Cig's and otherwise), drinking, 21
	year old attractive college student is looking for someone who
	knows how to have a good time for email correspondence 
	and anything else.  I am an intelligent, witty, hopelessly
	romantic, tastefully obnoxious, very diverse
	engineering/theatre student in the northeast, with interests 
	in acting, musicals, personalities, philosophizing, coffee, 
	MST3K, pot smoking, music (playing and listening, all types), 
	partying, and experimentation. I am by no means new to 
	relationships, my heart has taken its share of lumps.  I have 
	learned much in the process, and my friends tell me that I
	give very good unbiased advice.
	 If I sound like someone you would like to talk with/meet/hangout 
	with, please drop me a line, I would love to hear from you! 

	
		
						James


	P.S. I am an ENFP on the Myers-Briggs personality test if 
	     that means anything to you!  If not, write and I'll
	     tell ya' about it!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi.
Due to the double-blind system, any replies to this message will be anonymized,
and an anonymous id will be allocated automatically. You have been warned.
Newsgroups: alt.personals
From: gairns@ccrs.emr.ca (Jamie Gairns)
Subject: Re: Gay Sadist Temporarily A Bachelor
Organization: Dept. of Energy, Mines, and Resources, Ottawa
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1993 01:00:23 GMT

>Gay Sadist Temporarily A Bachelor


   What an EXCELLENT name for a band!


-- 
	In fact, aren't you LYING?  Aren't you telling a LIE?  Isn't
	that what you just said a LIE ??   No further questions your
	Honour!
From: cn573@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Ray Henry)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Re: Advice?
Date: 26 Dec 1992 06:44:48 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu


Like, wow!  Normally, I get _no_ responses to my posts. Well, OK.
One or two. When I posted for advice, my mailbox was swamped
almost at once! Thanx to all who offered words of wisdom. I am
now going to kill my post. If I don't, I'll be reading mail
concerning Advice? long after the situation is resolved.

Once again, thank you all. I have much to ponder.

Ray
-- 
Ray Henry   cn573@cleveland.freenet.edu

Sometimes with Bill Shankster in piggyback.  :)
Newsgroups: alt.personals,alt.personals.ads,
From: cs151kx@lamar.ColoState.EDU ()
Subject: Anon Still Stink
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 00:37:52 GMT
Organization: Colorado State University, Fort Collins, CO  80523

Newsgroups: sender
Subject: Re: Mature Women Voyeurs Wanted
Summary: 
Expires: 
Followup-To: 
Distribution: 
Organization: Colorado State University, Fort Collins, CO  80523
Keywords: 

In article <Bzx95n.5qx@n7kbt.rain.com> ap-poly.542@n7kbt.rain.com writes:
>Happy Holidays.
>
>I am a SWM with a nice tight body that I love to show off. I work
>out and have nice muscle definition and a large cock.
>
>What I'm really seeking is women who enjoy watching a man
>masturbate and generally sexually humiliate himself.
>
>I'm very anal and like to fuck myself up thess while someone
>watches.  I will strip and perform for groups of women also.
>
>One of my fantasies is to get down on my knees and lick some ladies
>asshole while another woman is jamming me up the ass.
iiiii>
>This is a very serious post and if you're into anything not
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ dont you just love this part        
>To use this service, send EMAIL to:
>Anonymous posting:		ap-poly.post@n7kbt.rain.com
>Anonymous reply:		<user's alias>@n7kbt.rain.com
>Test path/get alias:		ap-poly.ping@n7kbt.rain.com
>ACS administrator:		ap-poly.admin@n7kbt.rain.com

	
	I stand corrected, this is a fine example of why you should use an
	anonymous posting, Thank you for posting such a good article to
	prove a point. 

	Sincerely,

	ChrisTOPHer S. Johnston

	cs151kx@lamar.colostate.edu
From: jdunbar@sag4.ssl.berkeley.edu (Jonathan Dunbar)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Looking for a friend
Date: 27 Dec 1992 07:06:27 GMT
Organization: Space Science Labs
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: sag4.ssl.berkeley.edu

Hi,  I hope that speacial someone gets this.  I`m 26 and just out of college for
a year now.  I live in the Berkeley area.  I`m looking for someone to spend time
with and most of all someone I can cuddle and show affection to (some in return please).  I have two cats, but they just can't hug back.  Well, I could post all
that usuall stuff about how cute I am, and my weight (165lbs). Actually I really
do keep myself looking trim and squeezable.  I have gotten over my last love
( 6 months since ) and I'm ready to move on and live again.  I'm into a lot of 
different things.  I like going out hiking, movies, dancing, and cycling.  I 
would like so much to hear from women who are looking for a REAL relationship,
not just a quick fling.  I don't smoke or drink, so if you do, you`ll definately
find me BOARING.  Oh, I`m 5`11" and a mix of African/Irish/ and Native Crow
blood.  Yep, I really look remarkable......well in a nice pleasant way.  I`m
educated in physics and astronomy, but I never lost my humanity or humor.  I do
wish to hear from you.  So if you are looking and living in the San Fransisco
area, drop me a line.


Jonathan
Newsgroups: alt.personals
From: an359@anon.penet.fi
Subject: Seeking GM near Portland, Oregon 1/17 -1/21
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.personals
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 00:24:46 GMT

Subject: Seeking GM near Portland, Oregon 1/17 -1/21
To: alt.personals@anon.penet.fi

GWM visiting Portland/Beaverton Area in Jan '93 seeks male (any age, type,
color, experience) to help make my hotel room seem less lonely.
Me: 5'10", 180 lbs blond, blue, mid forties, safe and discreet.
Write and let's explore the possibilities.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi.
Due to the double-blind system, any replies to this message will be anonymized,
and an anonymous id will be allocated automatically. You have been warned.
From: gopal@nx33.mik.uky.edu (P Gopalakrishnan)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Scrap this NewsGroup
Date: 29 Dec 92 18:39:37 GMT
Distribution: alt.personals
Organization: University Of Kentucky, Dept. of Math Sciences
X-Path: nx33.mik.uky.edu!gopal

Has anyone benifitted from posting an article to this group? What chance do you
give yourself of meeting someone over the net? It's a case of Red Herring. 
Women post to boost their sagging morale and men keep arguing why women don't 
post. And the anonymous services are a boon to pranksters. I think you guys 
should think about saving the bandwidth. 

--Gopal.

p.s: I was new to this net and tried my hands at a few posts, till I learnt
     that this group serves no purpose.


All flames ---> /dev/null
Organization: City University of New York/ University Computer Center
Date: Friday, 1 Jan 1993 23:58:59 EST
From: <MMIQC@CUNYVM.BITNET>
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Why should I read this?

Why should I read this? Well, about 99.9999% of all the personals that
are posted are SM ISO SF.  Guess what, That is what THIS ad is too!
But there is one BIG difference between those personals and this one, ME!
Yes, I am the SWM!  By now you are thinking ,"So what", but if you reply
you will see what I mean!
For the formalities:

     - I am a 20 yrs old (don't let that fool you, I am very mature)
- I attend Queens College, in New York City
- I am a Computer Science Major
- I have brown hair, and am 6' tall
- I believe in lasting monogamous relationships
So ladies, do not be shy! If you are single and looking for that 'right
guy' E-Mail me ! Find out what is so different about this 0.0001% of the
personals!

Hope to hear from you =]
Michael

P.S. If you think this ad is corny, I am sorry, I try!!!
From: cn573@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Ray Henry)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Advice?
Date: 26 Dec 1992 05:24:29 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu


I have this friend, see...(yeah, it's a corny start, I know.)
At any rate, she has been a very good friend for many years.
Several months ago, we got involved in a somewhat more physical
relationship. I then put my foot very firmly in my mouth and
scared her. Bad. It seems I was getting more attached than she
wanted me to.  When she told me what the problem was, I instantly
backed off. However, she still seems to be running scared.

Our friendship has not died, but it is not what it used to be.
I've tried apologizing and simply trying to be a friend, but
nothing helps.

Any thoughts on A) repairing our friendship, and B) getting over
her so I can find someone else?

-- 
Ray Henry   cn573@cleveland.freenet.edu

Sometimes with Bill Shankster in piggyback.  :)
Newsgroups: alt.personals
From: furio@uiuc.edu (furio ercolessi)
Subject: Re: Anon Still Stink
Reply-To: furio@uiuc.edu (furio ercolessi)
Followup-To: alt.flames
Organization: UIUC
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 03:18:39 GMT

In article <Dec28.003752.17081@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU>, cs151kx@lamar.ColoState.EDU () writes:

|> [... copy of article appeared in another newsgroup, using an anonymous service
|>    which is not used in a.p. or a.p.a.  ...]

|>	I stand corrected, this is a fine example of why you should use an
|>	anonymous posting, Thank you for posting such a good article to
|>	prove a point. 

OK, you took the trouble to go to another newsgroup,
take an article and re-post it in the alt.personals groups, where
it is clearly misplaced, to prove yourself that anonymous
posting is useful, and then thank a person that will probably never
see your thanks.

We are all very happy that by doing this elaborate procedure you finally 
convinced yourself, and sincerely hope that no more doubts on this topic 
will cross your mind in the future.

I removed on purpose alt.personal.ads since junk such as this post
should not go there, and note followup.
--
Furio Ercolessi
Univ. of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
furio@uiuc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subject: Re: looking for a mom
From: jabolliger@miavx3.mid.muohio.edu
Date: 2 Jan 93 19:22:56 EST
Distribution: usa

In article <C05oHy.FEC@ns1.nodak.edu>, galster@plains.NoDak.edu (Dwight Galster) writes:
> Alex, Bethany, and Carole, three little girls less than nine years old,
> would like their Dad to meet a nice lady who might,...
 become their mother... Good mothers are hard to find..
> 
> Alex and Bethany go to a Lutheran school.  
They would like their mother to be able to sing lots songs 
about Jesus and maybe someday sing in a  concert with the family.  
> 
> Dad is in graduate school in Fargo.    He reads Mother Earth News
> and dreams about country life.  He also reads National Review and some-
> times Reader's Digest.  He likes Minnesota Public Radio and Star Trek
> Next Generation  
	(Hey a Trekke!)  
>He needs someone who knows how to clean house ...
> 
> Dad's really into educational theory... gets to teach college classes, 
> and that keeps him happy enough to live with. ..
> he gets lonely sometimes and that makes him a little grumpy!
 
 awwright!! a lonely grump!

> To get started making four new friends, send email to:
> galster@plains.nodak.edu

What a Deal!	poverty
		nanny three children
		sing in a chior
		Clean house in the country
		Watch star trek
		keep dad happy
			HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Newsgroups: alt.personals
From: freier@mail.physics.utah.edu (rodney james freier)
Subject: GWM in SLC
Organization: University of Utah - Physics Department
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 92 02:52:36 GMT

  Any GWM in Salt Lake?  Reply if you're interested.

I'm 24, 5'7", 145lbs., brown hair/eyes, moustache.
From: gelinas@CAM.ORG (Daniel Gelinas)
Newsgroups: alt.aquaria
Subject: Recommendation on cold water fish
Summary: help
Date: 26 Dec 92 07:52:24 GMT
Organization: Communications Accessibles Montreal, Quebec Canada

Ok here's the situation.  For Christmas I have received a nice little 2 gallon
desk aquarium.  Unfortunately I'm not able to attach a standard heater to it(
the kind that screw on to the side) so I must resort to keeping only fish which
can stand temperatures between 68-72.  I have been told that tanichthys albonubes 'White cloud Mountain fish' will suit my tank just fine.  They are small, about the same size as most of the Tetra variety.  

My question is, is this true? If not, does anybody have any suggestions on what
fish I could get besides the standard goldfish.  Or perhaps if a heater exists
that works from ousite the glass?

Any replies would be welcome.

P.S: I'm trying to experiment by placing black rocks on the bottom and heating 
it with the light, is this a good idea?  The light is very small and so far as
I can tell it takes about 3 hours to see any change in temp.  I know I should
keep the light on for about 12 or 13 hours regardless.
From: root@kilowatt.uucp (Kilowatt admin)
Subject: Baby cichlids
Organization: Kilowatt Computing
Date: Fri, 1 Jan 1993 03:34:21 GMT

Hello...
	I don't know if this is the correct place, but it seems to be the ONLY
place...
	I'm the proud new father of about 50 baby cichlids, which are a cross
between a pink convict and something called a "Salvini Cichlid" (any idea what
THAT is? A convict hybrid?). They're about 3 week old now, and I was wondering,
what I should be feeding them.
	They're pretty voracious eaters. When I feed the mother (I had to
seperate the parents) frozen brine shrimp, anything left over, they'll gladly
eat. Flakes also get the same response. Anything in particular I should be
feeding them other than this?
	These two cichlids have had over 10 batches of eggs, all of them
disappearing eventually until this time... finally!!!
	Any help is appreciated in advance...

-- 
Kilowatt Computers (516) 253-2805			Arthur A. Krewat
51 Winnecomac Ave.			uunet!yale.edu!admiral!kilowatt!krewat
Deer Park, NY 11729					(516) 586-4743
	WARNING! THIS ENTIRE ARTICLE IS UNDER PROTECTION OF A SMILEY :-)