From: xtkmg@trentu.ca (Kate Gregory)
Subject: Anon: Announcing second pregnancy
Organization: Trent University, Ontario
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 16:03:04 GMT

[ Note: misc.kids doesn't have the same rich tradition of forwarded anonymous
posting as some groups I know. And lots of misc.kidders seem quite happy
to have almost 100,000 people, possibly including friends, family,
and coworkers, know that they are planning a pregnancy or might be
pregnant or are definitely 8 weeks along or what have you. But plenty
more, me for one, aren't so comfortable with that. The posting below
is written by someone who wants to remain anonymous. Please don't send
me mail on this unless you, too, want to stay anonymous: I'll
strip the headers and post it. I *WILL* *NOT* be able to summarize
discussion on this topic (I already owe the nursing bra stuff) but since
all the traffic on the topic will be posted, any of you can take that
task for yourself, and I'll post the summary for you if you want.
And I don't intend to make a habit of doing this, either :-)  -kmg]


Some anonymous person writes:

>How do you announce a pregnancy to family and friends when you
>have a child old enough to understand the concepts and too young
>to keep secrets? I have a three year old daughter, and if I'm not
>pregnant now then I will be soon enough. She understands what
>"pregnant" and "going to have a baby" mean. She has felt a friend's baby
>moving about 2 months before it was born. She has asked repeatedly
>for a brother or sister, even telling me I already have a baby
>in my tummy (I didn't) or that she does.
>
>If we tell her, she will tell family for sure the next time she sees
>them (also checkout clerks and everyone at daycare...). I'm already
>waiting for her to tell someone I have pink vitamins :-). She
>understands secrets and will tell you loud and clear she's
>keeping one from you :-). "Shhhh! I'm not telling you about where
>I went today! It's secret!" Doubtless she would gleefully yell
>"I'm not getting a brother or sister! It's secret!" to a grandparent.
>
>But if we keep it from her and tell family, she will probably be in the room
>when we tell them. If we manage to get her asleep  while we're visiting
>someone or they're visiting us (and she never likes to nap or go
>to bed early under those circumstances) and announce while she sleeps,
>within days she will guess anyway from the conversations around her.
>
>And leaving aside for the moment this chicken-and-the-egg who do
>you tell first business, just how long would you keep a second
>pregnancy secret anyway? I used to believe that since miscarriages
>are far less likely and no-one is going to move you from the
>non-parent to parent category (my overriding concerns with the first
>pregnancy), there is no need to wait so long. But now I'm not so sure
>miscarriages *are* less likely. On the other hand, if I get as tired and 
>nauseated as I did last time, I'm going to want to explain it. Including
>to my three year old, which brings us back to the first problem.
>
>Perhaps people who've been pregnant when they already have a 
>preschooler in the house could explain how they did it and
>whether, looking back, they'd have done it differently...
>
>Anon

Kate