From: strong+@CMU.EDU (Thomas W. Strong, Jr.)
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: misc, 3/3
Date: 7 Jan 93 23:59:35 GMT
Organization: Komitet Gosudarstvennoi Bezopaznosti

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why
don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from
learning anything?  If it works as good as the Prohibition one did,
why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
		- Will Rogers

"The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he
has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'"
		- Will Rogers

"Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know
any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he
doesn't know much."
		- Will Rogers

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole
government working for you."
		- Will Rogers

"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that
was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
		- Will Rogers

"I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat."
		- Will Rogers

"There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself
and family. But he can't make a living for them *and* his government,
too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to
do is live as cheap as the people."
		- Will Rogers

"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than
golf has."
		- Will Rogers

"Nothing you can't spell will ever work."
		- Will Rogers

"You can't say civilizations don't advance...in every war they kill you
in a new way."
		- Will Rogers

"I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like
to run their own business.  I know men that would make my wife a better
husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em."
		- Will Rogers

"Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches."
		- Will Rogers

"Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high
taxes."
		- Will Rogers

"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a
year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
		- Will Rogers

"I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope
they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em."
		- Will Rogers

"On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the
only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no
matter what it does."
		- Will Rogers

"People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent
plausible."
		- Will Rogers

"I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to
the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about
us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at
heart."
		- Will Rogers

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things
they make it easier to do don't need to be done."
		- Andy Rooney

"We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center
of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week,
but for some reason nobody's ever done it."
		- Andy Rooney

"I have one of those real old American built cars.  The kind that just
PUNCHES through accidents."
		- Kevin Rooney

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
		- Eleanor Roosevelt

"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never
learned to walk."
		- Franklin D. Roosevelt

"I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not
enough the bad luck of the early worm."
		- Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
		- Theodore Roosevelt

"The great virtue of my radicalism lies in the fact that I am perfectly
ready, if necessary, to be radical on the conservative side."
		- Theodore Roosevelt

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know
whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'"
		- Theodore Roosevelt

"The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to
do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling
with them while they do it."
		- Theodore Roosevelt

"Conservative: One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead."
		- Leo C. Rosten

"The race may not always be to the swift nor the victory to the strong,
but that's how you bet."
		- Damon Runyon

"I long ago came to the conclusion that all life is six to five
against."
		- Damon Runyon

"Many people would rather die than think; in fact, most do."
		- Bertrand Russell

"'Change' is scientific, 'progress' is ethical; change is indubitable,
whereas progress is a matter of controversy."
		- Bertrand Russell

"What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
which is the exact opposite."
		- Bertrand Russell, "Sceptical Essays", 1928

"In all things it is a good idea to hang a question mark now and then
on the things we have taken for granted."
		- Bertrand Russell

"It has been said that man is a rational animal.  All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this."
		- Bertrand Russell

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief
that one's work is terribly important."
		- Bertrand Russell

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always
so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
		- Bertrand Russell

"Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial
reasons."
		- Bertrand Russell

"Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting."
		- John Russell

"What IS a `moderate Iranian', anyway?  Someone who takes hostages but
doesn't eat them?"
		- Mark Russell

"Eternal peace lasts only until the next war."
		- Russian Proverb

"Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore."
		- Russian Proverb

"Write-Protect Tab, n: A small sticker created to cover the unsightly
notch carelessly left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab
creates an error message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far
outweighs the momentary inconvenience."
		- Robb Russon

"All science is either physics or stamp collecting."
		- E. Rutherford

"You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than
about 10-12 to 1."
		- Ernest Rutherford

"Life always sucks.  It's just that sometimes that feels very good."
		- Kevin Ryan

"All military type firearms are to be handed in immediately... The SS,
SA and Stahlhelm give every respectable German man the opportunity of
campaigning with them.  Therefore anyone who does not belong to one of
the above named organisations and who unjustifiably nevertheless keeps
his weapon... must be regarded as an enemy of the national government."
		- SA Oberfuhrer of Bad Tolz, March, 1933.

"You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated?  What of it?  The
man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool.  My way of
thinking is the result of my reflections.  It is part of my inner
being, the way I am made.  I do not contradict them, and would not even
if I wished to.  For my system, which you disapprove of, is also my
greatest comfort in life, the source of all my happiness --- it means
more to me than my life itself."
		- Marquis de Sade

"A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking (meant) for
others!"
		- Donatien-Alphonse-Francois de Sade

"Knowing how things work is the basis for appreciation, and is thus a
source of civilized delight."
		- William Safire

"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a
really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would
actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them
again.  They really do it.  It doesn't happen as often as it should,
because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful.  But it
happens every day.  I cannot recall the last time someting like that
happened in politics or religion."
		- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP Keynote Address

"All of the books in the world contain no more information than is
broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year.
Not all bits have equal value."
		- Carl Sagan

"It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to
have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no
human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese."
		- Carl Sagan

"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by
which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense."
		- Carl Sagan

"The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human
ambition."
		- Carl Sagan

"Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a
humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a
universe in which there are far more galaxies than people."
		- Carl Sagan

"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe."
		- Carl Sagan, Cosmos

"A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to
suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism."
		- Carl Sagan, "Contact"

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that
all who are laughed at are geniuses.  They laughed at Columbus, they
laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers.  But they also
laughed at Bozo the Clown."
		- Carl Sagan

"In an optimal world, I would not be necessary."
		- James Price Salsman

"Remember folks.  Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70
mph."
		- Jim Samuels

"This is no time to act like a gentleman.  I am a cad and shall react
like one."
		- George Sanders

"Skepticism is the chastity of the intellect, and it is shameful to
surrender it too soon or to the first comer: there is nobility in
preserving it coolly and proudly through long youth, until at last, in
the ripeness of instinct and discretion, it can be safely exchanged for
fidelity and happiness."
		- George Santayana

"My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe
and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image, to be
servants of their human interests."
		- George Santayana

"Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or
less seriously, proposes some method of fortifying the human soul and
enabline it to make its peace with its destiny."
		- George Santayana

"There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval."
		- George Santayana

Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored.
		- George Saunders' dying words

"Recently, my personal advisors have beeen telling me to go to
America.  Actually, people have been walking up to me in the street and
telling me to sod off, but that's the same thing, isn't it?"
		- Alexi Sayle

"Americans have different ways of saying things.  They say `elevator',
we say `lift'...they say `President', we say `stupid psychopathic
git'...."
		- Alexi Sayle

"Oh, what tangled webs we weave, When we first practice to deceive."
		- Sir Walter Scott

"If someone tells you that the fully armored man of the Middle Ages was
so encumbered by his armor that he could not rise if he fell, you may
well ask yourself, first, if it is reasonable to assume that
professional soldiers would go on wearing armor that kept them from
fighting and second, if this theory is in line with what you know of
the heavily armored men of your personal acquaintance."
		- Niccola Sebastiani

"He should be most proud that the PMRC wants to put their obscene
lyrics sticker on his `Jazz From Hell' -- which is an instrumental
album."
		- Tony Shepps

"Immortality -- a fate worse than death."
		- Edgar A. Shoaff

"If you want to know your true opinion of someone, watch the effect
produced in you by the first sight of a letter from him."
		- Arthur Schopenhauer

"For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond
scum."
		- J.W. Schopf

"Grapenut is working, but it is working as Chestnut.  The cables have
been switched, so Chestnut printing continues even though Chestnut the
printer is in bed with a cold.  Grapenut printing has been halted, even
though Grapenut the printer is printing under an assumed name
(Chestnut)."
		- Jason Schreibeis, from an Operations ser

"If we are going to stick to this damned quantum-jumping, then I regret
that I ever had anything to do with quantum theory."
		- Erwin Schrodinger

"If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong."
		- Norm Schryer

"No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it."
		- C. Schutlz

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more
violent.  It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move
in the opposite direction."
		- E. F. Schumacher

"As far as Saddam Hussein being a great military strategist, he is
neither a strategist, nor is he schooled in the operational arts, nor
is he a tactician, nor is he a general, nor is he as a soldier.  Other
than that, he's a great military man, I want you to know that."
		- General Norman Schwarzkopf, 2/27/91

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-----"
		- General John Sedgewick, Union Army Last Words, 1864

"One form to rule them all, one form to find them, one form to bring
them all and in the darkness rewrite the hell out of them"
		- sendmail ruleset 3 comment from DEC.

"...adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them."
		- Dr. Seuss (as quoted in his obit in Time)

"Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to
live in the real world."
		- Mary Shafer, NASA Ames Dryden

"To thine own self be true -; And it must follow as the night the day;
Thou canst not be false to any man"
		- William Shakespeare

"Wretched woman to both assault my genetailia and deny me the chance to
lie about it later!  (You know, that is one whopper of an
out-of-context quote.)"
		- Mike Shapiro.

'It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because
if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of
people.'
		- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"

"One of the advantages of being a captain is being able to ask for
advice without necessarily having to take it."
		- William Shatner as Kirk, in "Dagger of the Mind"

"I'm from Iowa, I only work in space."
		- William Shatner as Kirk, in "Star Trek IV:The Voyage
		Home"

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it
ceases to be serious when people laugh."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it"
		- G. B. Shaw

"Do you know what a pessimist is? A person who thinks everybody is as
nasty as himself and hates them for it."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man
manages his affairs as well as a tree does."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Life is a disease; and the only diference between one another is the
stage of the disease at which he lives."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"I often quote myself.  It adds spice to my conversation."
		- George Benard Shaw

"I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business
on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment
he has succeeded in his courtship.  I like a state of continual
becoming, with a goal in front and not behind."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
we deserve."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"England and America are two countries seperated by the same language."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Success covers a multitude of blunders."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the
power of speech."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always
declares that it is his duty."
		- GB Shaw

"The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to
be indifferent to them:  that's the essence of inhumanity."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those
who have not got it."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.  Therefore all
progress depends on the unreasonable man."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of
fools. Let's start with typewriters."
		- Solomon Short

"Nature abhors a hero.  For one thing, he violates the law of
conservation of energy.  For another, how can it be the survival of the
fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he
is most likely to be creamed?"
		- Solomon Short

"The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky"
		- Solomon Short

"Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up
a statue in honor of a critic."
		- Jean Sibelius

"Life is too important to take seriously."
		- Corky Siegel

"X windows.  It could be worse, but it'll take time."
		- from a SIGGRAPH flyer

"BUGS: This manual page is still confusing"
		- sigvec(2), BSD 4.3

"Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit.  Someone ought to take it away from him
before he cuts himself."
		- Peter da Silva

"Of course they can't trust the users.  That's part of the Prime
Directive."
		- Chuck Silvers, about the powers-that-be

"Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has just been fixed."
		- Ray Simard

"Goto, n.:  A programming tool that exists to allow structured
programmers to complain about unstructured programmers."
		- Ray Simard

"In the beginning was the word. But by the time the second word was
added to it, there was trouble. For with it came syntax..."
		- John Simon

"When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself."
		- Isaac Bashevis Singer

"[Jupiter's] satellites are invisible to the naked eye and therefore
can have no influence on the Earth and therefore would be useless and
therefore do not exist."
		- Francesco Sizi, quoted by T. Cox

"Education is what survives when what has been learned has been
forgotten"
		- B.F. Skinner

"The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the
past, only far more expensive."
		- John Sladek

"Trust me... I know what I'm doing."
		- Sledge Hammer

"We have given away far too many freedoms in order to be free.  Now
it's time to take some back."
		- George Smiley

"I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the
house.  And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way
she wants to."
		- Yakov Smirnoff

"He had occasional flashes of silence, that made his conversation
perfectly delightful."
		- Sydney Smith, referring to Macaulay

"DEC achieved this by an aggresive design that uses a lower-than-usual
voltage (3.5V), unusually thick metal layers in a three-layer design,
and very high power consumption (30 watts---one DEC engineer, in
response to a question about whether this chip would be suitable for
palmtops, replied that it might be more suited for building a toaster
oven)."
		- Matthew Smosna and Robert B. K. Dewar, "Analyzing
		Alpha's Architecture", _Open_Systems_Today_

"I see your point. And raise you a line"
		- Elliot Smorodinsky

"Red meat is NOT bad for you.  Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for
you!"
		- Tommy Smothers

"Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder
aloud what the country could do under first-class management."
		- Senator Soaper

"Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth."
		- Socrates
"Tell the Truth and run."
		- Yugoslav proverb

"The intelligence of the driver is inversely proportional to the height
of his tires."
		- Sokol's Law

"The man the state has put in place must have obedient hearing to his
least command when it is right, and even when it's not."
		- Sophocles

"The only truly secure system is one that is powered off, cast in a
block of concrete and sealed in a lead-lined room with armed guards --
and even then I have my doubts."
		- Eugene H. Spafford

"We Americans want peace, and it is now evident that we must be
prepared to demand it.  For other peoples have wanted peace, and the
peace they received was the peace of death."
		- the Most Rev. Francis J. Spellman, Archbishop of New
		York.  22 September, 1940

"Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman
numerals."
		- Henry Spencer

"Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it -
poorly."
		- Henry Spencer

"We're thinking about upgrading from SunOS 4.1.1 to SunOS 3.5."
		- Henry Spencer

"A Multitasking Timex Sinclair"
		- Matt Sorrels in reference to Andrew running X-Windows

"Start slow and taper off."
		- Walt Stack

"Science cannot stop while ethics catches up -- and nobody should
expect scientists to do all the thinking for the country."
		- Elvin Stackman

"If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a
lever to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would
conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine."
		- Rob Stampfli

"If the programmer can simulate a construct faster then the compiler
can implement the construct itself, then the compiler writer has blown
it badly."
		- Guy L. Steele, Jr., Tartan Laboratories

"The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a
cause,  while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly
for one."
		- William Stekel

"Distributed file systems are a cruel hoax."
		- Zalman Stern, former ITC hacker diety

"When faced with a problem, some people say 'Let's use AWK.'  Now they
have two problems."
		- Zalman Stern

"The problem with the cutting edge is that someone has to bleed."
		- Zalman Stern

"This is the most unprofessional production I've  ever worked on!
Nobody knows where they're going, or what they're doing, except, of
course, for *ME*"
		- Steve, "The Wizard of Speed and Time"

"While today's digital hardware is extremely impressive, it is clear
that the human retina's real time performance goes unchallenged.
Actually to simulate 10 milliseconds of the complete processing of even
a single nerve cell from the retina would require the solution of about
500 simultaneous nonlinear differential equations 100 times and would
take at least several minutes of time on a Cray supercomputer. Keeping
in mind that there are 10 million or more such cells interacting with
each other in complex ways, it would take a minimum of 100 years of
Cray time to simulate what takes place in your eye many times each
second."
		- John K. Stevens, "Reverse Engineering the Brain",
		Byte

"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."
		- Adlai Stevenson

"Newpaper editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and
then print the chaff."
		- Adlai Stevenson

"Eggheads unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks."
		- Adlai Stevenson

"Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly
misleading. Debug only code."
		- Dave Storer

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a
garage makes you an automobile."
		- Billy Sunday

"Hey Man, I'm  drinking wine, eating cheese and catching some rays."
		- Donald Sutherland as Oddball, in "Kelly's Heros"

"When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues
the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a
whore."
		- Jonathan Swift

"Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm."
		- Publilius Syrus

"Those who have never tried electronic communication may not be aware
of what a "social skill" really is.  One social skill that must be
learned, is that other people have points of view that are not only
different, but *threatening*, to your own.  In turn, your opinions may
be threatening to others.  There is nothing wrong with this.  Your
beliefs need not be hidden behind a facade, as happens with
face-to-face conversation.  Not everybody in the world is a bosom
buddy, but you can still have a meaningful conversation with them.  The
person who cannot do this lacks in social skills."
		- Nick Szabo

"Oil prices have fallen lately.  We include this news for the benefit
of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six monts."
		- Bill Tammeus, in Toronto's National Newspaper,
		03/08/91

"The nice thing about standards is that you have so many to choose
from.  Furthermore, if you do not like any of them, you can just wait
for next year's model."
		- Tanenbaum, "Computer Networks"

"Better stop short than fill to the brim.
  Oversharpen the blade, and the edge will soon blunt.  Amass a store
  of gold and jade, and no one can protect it.  Claim wealth and
  titles, and disaster will follow.  Retire when the work is done.
  This is the way of heaven."
		- Tao Te Ching

"Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not
take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously."
		- Booth Tarkington

"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."
		- Elizabeth Taylor

"Never write it in C if you can do it in `awk';
 Never do it in `awk' if `sed' can handle it; Never use `sed' when `tr'
 can do the job; Never invoke `tr' when `cat' is sufficient; Avoid
 using `cat' whenever possible"
		- Taylor's Laws of Programming

"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to
admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients.  Still, the fact
remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one
reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell.  It
is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of
using indirect spells.  It also does no harm, in dealing with these
matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times."
		- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII

"In the Norse mythology Loki originally was on the side of the rest of
the gods, helping them once or twice using a particularly nast forms of
trickery. He was a cunning negotiator with a talent for
technicalities.  He was sort of the Norse equivalent of a lawyer, no
doubt the reason they tied him down in a pit dripping acidic venom on
him."
		- Martin Terman

"Reality is that which hurts when you trip over it"
		- Thag

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone,
but they've always worked for me."
		- Hunter S. Thompson

"A cap of good acid costs five dollars and for that you can hear the
Universal Symphony with God singing solo and the Holy Ghost on drums."
		- Hunter S. Thompson

"I have a theory that the truth is never told during the 9 to 5 hours."
		- Hunter S. Thompson

"Just think, IBM and DEC in the same room, and we did it."
		- Ken Thompson, quoted by Dennis Ritchie

"Andrew is the operating system of the future and always will be."
		- Mary R. Thompson

"It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve
a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more
glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through
which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the
day, that is the highest of arts."
		- Henry David Thoreau, "Where I Live"

"I have learned this at least by my experiment: if one advances
confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the
life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common
hours."
		- Henry David Thoreau

"Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such
desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the
music which he hears, however measured or far away."
		- H.D. Thoreau, "Walden"

"That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest."
		- Henry David Thoreau

"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim
above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something."
		- Henry David Thoreau

"Be true to your work, your word, and your friend."
		- Thoreau

"Its better to know some of the questions, than all of the answers."
		- James Thurber

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a
rat."
		- Lily Tomlin

"We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all
purely intellectual fields. But which are the best ones to start with?
Many people think that a very abstract activity, like the playing of
chess, would be best.  It can also be maintained that it is best to
provide the machine with the best sense organs that money can buy, and
then teach it to understand and speak English."
		- Alan M. Turing

"The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical
cord."
		- Turnaucka's Law

"Sorry for the disaster.  And thanks for your patience!"
		- Chris Thyberg

"Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant
intelligence."
		- Henrik Tikkanen

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"
		- Time Bandits

"A bazooka is the skeleton key of the impatient."
		- Will Timmins (wt0b@andrew.cmu.edu)

"'I wish life was not so short,' he thought.  'Languages take such a
time, and so do all the things one wants to know about.'"
		- J. R. R. Tolkien, "The Lost Road"

"I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the
greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most
obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity
of conlusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleages,
which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven,
thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives."
		- Leo Tolstoy

"The strongest of all warriors are these two -- Time and Patience."
		- Leo Tolstoy

"The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers
that it can bribe the public with the public's money"
		- Alexis de Toucqueville

"I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed."
		- Calvin Trillin

"Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man."
		- Trotsky

"... an OS originally designed for a microprocessor that modern kitchen
appliances would sneer at...."
		- Dave Trowbridge, about MS-DOS, in _Computer
		Technology Review_, Aug 90

"If there is one basic element in our Constitution, it is civilian
control of the military."
		- Harry S. Truman

"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
		- Harry S. Truman

"Whoo-oop!  I'm the old original iron-jawed, brass-mounted,
copper-bellied corpse-maker from the wilds of Arkansaw!  Look at me!
I'm the man they call Sudden Death and General Desolation!  Sired by a
hurricane, dam'd by an earthquake, half-brother to the cholera, nearly
related to the small pox on my mother's side!  Look at me!  I take
nineteen alligators and a bar'l of whisky for breakfast when I'm in
robust health, and a bushel of rattlesnakes and a dead body when I'm
ailing!  I split the everlasting rocks with my glance, and I squench
the thunder when I speak!  Whoo-oop!  Stand back and give me room
according to my strength!  Blood's my natural drink, and the wails of
the dying is music to my ear!  Cast your eye on me, gentlemen!--and lay
low and hold your breath, for I'm 'bout to turn myself loose!"
		- Mark Twain

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know."
		- Mark Twain

"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform."
		- Mark Twain

"Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last
you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his
atlantic with his verb in his mouth."
		- Mark Twain

"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who
can't read them."
		- Mark Twain

"God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board"
		- Mark Twain

"There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesale
returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact."
		- Mark Twain

"There is no distinctly native American criminal class except
Congress."
		- Mark Twain

"A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was
waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity."
		- Mark Twain

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels.  If a man should challenge me, I
would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a
quiet place and kill him."
		- Mark Twain

"Sacred cows make the best hamburger."
		- Mark Twain

"Always acknowledge a fault.  This will throw those in authority off
their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more."
		- Mark Twain

"How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because
we are not the person involved."
		- Mark Twain

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you
like."
		- Mark Twain

"There are lies, damned lies, and statistics."
		- Mark Twain

"If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to whether it was
intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures.  Simply watch
your chance and hit him with a brick."
		- Mark Twain, "Advice to Youth" Speech, 1882

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good  impromptu
speech."
		- Mark Twain

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain."
		- Mark Twain

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.  The world owes
you nothing.  It was here first."
		- Mark Twain

"Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to."
		- Mark Twain

"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the
nominating"
		- Boss Tweed

"We are just tenants on this world.  We have just been given a new
lease, and a warning from the landlord."
		- 2010

"The woman of my dreams knows how to break into systems."
		- Doug Tygar

"Fundamentalists are to Christianity what paint-by-numbers is to art."
		- Robin Tyler

"He who knows does not speak, He who speaks does not know."
		- Lao Tzu

"[Advise] the ruler to govern the state as one cooks a small fish --
that is, don't turn it so often in the pan that it disintegrates."
		- Lao Tzu

"The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and
robbers there will be. "
		- Lao Tzu

"To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable.
The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy."
		- Sun Tzu, "The Art of War"

"War is a matter of vital importance to the State; the province of life
or death; the road to survival or ruin. It is mandatory that it be
thoroughly studied."
		- Sun Tzu

"What's the difference between the window manager and the computer club
window manager?  Well, one's supported software and the other isn't.
Your guess is as good as mine."
		- The UCC Crowd

"As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500 programs
-- a process that traditionally requires some debugging."
		- USA Today, referring to the IRS switchover to a new
		computer system.

"The biggest things are always the easiest to do because there is no
competition."
		- William Van Horne

"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
won't cross the street to vote in a national election."
		- Bill Vaughan

"All business sagacity reduces itself in the last analysis to judicious
use of sabotage."
		- Thorstein Veblen

"It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail."
		- Gore Vidal

"Don't let it end like this.  Tell them I said something."
		- Last words of Pancho Villa

"It's simple. It's just things with chalk on a board."
		- Helmut Vogel, when asked to explain a physics
		equation

"Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock
strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to
instruct  them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and
unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one
starts lawsuits over their wills."
		- Voltaire

"It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity
would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance
from knowledge"
		- Voltaire

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord,
make my enemies ridiculous."  And God granted it."
		- Voltaire

"The superfluous is very necessary."
		- Voltaire

"It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's
a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into
the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color."
		- Voltaire

"It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that
virginity could be a virtue."
		- Voltaire

"A witty saying proves nothing."
		- Voltaire

"Anything too stupid to be said is sung."
		- Voltaire

"Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper
is from the wrong kind of tree."
		- Prof. W.

"And for now, just remember, With your shield or on it!"
		- Sue W.

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
		- H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in
contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers
of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded
and dull, but also just stupid."
		- J. D. Watson, "The Double Helix"

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
		- Scott Watson

"Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
		- Wernher von Braun

"Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the
only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor."
		- Wernher von Braun

"We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming."
		- Wernher von Braun

"I have learned to use the word `impossible' with the greatest
caution."
		- Wernher von Braun

"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and
finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us.  "He is full of
murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by
their ignorance the hard way."
		- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"

"You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right?  Please
wait until I am wrong."
		- John von Neumann, on being phoned at 10 a.m.

"There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're
talking about."
		- John von Neumann

"There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're
talking about"
		- John von Neumann

"Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits
is, of course, in a state of sin."
		- John von Neumann

"I didn't think it could be done, though given Sun's track record, I
suppose that I shouldn't be surprised that they've managed to produce
an even worse keyboard than any that they previously had on the
market."
		- Steve Wadlow

"A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms."
		- George Wald

"It won't be covered in the book.  The source code has to be useful for
something, after all...  :-)"
		- Larry Wall in <10160@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>

"Does the same as the system call of that name. If you don't know what
it does, don't worry about it."
		- Larry Wall in the perl man page regarding chroot(2)

"[End of diatribe.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled
programming...]"
		- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution

"It is easier to port a shell than a shell script."
		- Larry Wall

"No, I'm not going to explain it.  If you can't figure it out, you
didn't want to know anyway...  :-)"
		- Larry Wall in <1991Aug7.180856.2854@netlabs.com>

"Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.   :-)"
		- Larry Wall in  <8571@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>

"Before the Gulf War started, the Iraqi Army was the the fourth largest
in the world. Now, its the second largest army in Iraq."
		- Wall Street Journal, March 15, 1991

"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
		- Joe Walsh

"In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some
entertainment out of it."
		- Daniel Waters

"I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to
sacrifice my wife's brother."
		- Artemus Ward

"Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?"
		- Artemus Ward

"They say that time changes things, but actually you have to change
them yourself."
		- Andy Warhol

"Government is not reason; it is not eloquence; it is force! It is a
dangerous servant and a terrible master."
		- George Washington

"At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial
challenge roughly comparable to herding cats."
		- The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985

"Now let me explain why this makes intuitive sense."
		- Prof. Larry Wasserman

"I think there's a world market for about five computers."
		- Thomas J Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM.

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists
elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
		- Bill Watterson, cartoonist

"Relative calm is expected in South Central Los Angeles for the next
several weeks, as looters stay home and try to program their new VCRs."
		- Weekend Update

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless
there are three other people."
		- Orson Welles

"In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be
Light.' And there was still nothing. But, you could see it."
		- Dave Weinstein (dweinste@isis.cs.du.edu)

"The chalk marks are transient, the formulas eternal."
		- S. Weinstein

"As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error."
		- Weisert

"Man is not a machine... Although man most certainly processes
information, he does not necessarily process it in the way computers
do. Computers and men are not species of the same genus... However much
intelligence computers may attain, now or in the furture, theirs must
always be an intelligence alien to genuine human problems and
concerns."
		- Joseph Weizenbaum

"Non-violence is the policy of the vegetable kingdom"
		- H. G. Wells

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was."
		- Walt West

"Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them
to the eyes of men."
		- Brooke Foss Westcott

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
as a means of communication.  The device is inherently of no value to
us."
		- Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the
library."
		- Westheimer's Discovery

"Two and two continue to make four, in spite of the whine of the
amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five."
		- James McNeill Whistler

"We find no evidence that Congress intended to modify the nostrum to
read, 'crime does not pay, except for attorney's fees.'"
		- Justice Byron R. White

"Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people
are right more than half the time."
		- E. B. White

"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested
and the frog dies of it."
		- E. B. White

"Any appeasement of tyranny is treason to this republic and to the
democratic ideal."
		- William Allen White

"The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve
change amid order."
		- Alfred North Whitehead

"Then I realized that I had spelled '-' wrong."
		- John Whitmore learns APL

"If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end."
		- Bert Whitney

"What most experimenters take for granted before they begin their
experiments is infinitely more interesting than any results to which
their experiments lead."
		- Norbert Wiener

"Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called
upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason."
		- Oscar Wilde

"My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself, is that
one day I ceased my obstinate pursuit of my own individuality."
		- Oscar Wilde

"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well
written or badly written."
		- Oscar Wilde

"I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His
ability."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
every six months."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow."
		- Oscar Wilde

"The English country gentleman galloping after a fox -- the unspeakable
in full pursuit of the uneatable."
		- Oscar Wilde

"To be good, according to the vulgar standard of goodness, is obviously
quite easy. It merely requires a certain amount of sordid terror, a
certain lack of imaginative thought, and a certain low passion for
middle-class respectability."
		- Oscar Wilde

"The fact is, that civilization requires slaves. The Greeks were quite
right there. Unless there are slaves to do the ugly, horrible,
uninteresting work, culture, and contemplation become almost
impossible. Human slavery is wrong, insecure, and demoralizing. On
mechanical slavery, on the slavery of the machine, the future of the
world depends."
		- Oscar Wilde

"The basis for optimism is sheer terror."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for
the people."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Alas, I am dying beyond my means."
		- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed

"Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called
upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason."
		- Oscar Wilde

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."
		- Oscar Wilde

"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Action is the last refuge of those who cannot dream."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Why was I born with such contemporaries?"
		- Oscar Wilde

"Only the shallow know themselves."
		- Oscar Wilde

"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its
fascination.  When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be
popular."
		- Oscar Wilde

"To be willing to die for an ideal is to set a rather high price on
conjecture."
		- Oscar Wilde (?)

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Wherever you get near the human race, there's just layers and layers
of nonsense."
		- Thornton Wilder

"As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it
wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought.  Debugging had
to be discovered.  I can remember the exact instant when I realized
that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
finding mistakes in my own programs."
		- Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949

"If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's
statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone
directory containing listings for all the organizations with titles
beginning with the word `National'."
		- George Will

"The Berlin Wall is the defining achievement of socialism."
		- George Will

"Football is a mistake.  It combines the two worst elements of American
life.  Violence and committee meetings."
		- George Will

"I not a typical clueless freshman"
		- Christian Williams
"You're an atypical clueless freshman"
		- Tom Strong and Jeffro, in stereo.

"Furious activity is no substitute for understanding."
		- H. H. Williams

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments."
		- Earl Wilson

"Belief is the death of intelligence."
		- Robert Anton Wilson

"Only the madman is absolutely sure."
		- Robert Anton Wilson

"I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow."
		- Woodrow Wilson

"The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
		- Woodrow Wilson

"Nothing recedes like success."
		- Walter Winchell

"Thats why I was running the debugger, I didn't want it to crash."
		- Aaron Wohl

"There is no limit to stupidity.  Space itself is said to be bounded by
its own curvature, but stupidity continues beyond infinity."
		- Gene Wolfe

"I try to know what I need to know.  I make sure to know what I want to
know."
		- Nero Wolfe

"As part of Academic Computing's commitment to its Sun 3 users.....
<pause>...<long pause>...<deep chuckling>"
		- Walter Wong

"Jean, are you busy at 5 o'clock? I need a girl pretty desperatly."
		- Ben Woodard

"The NY Times is read by the people who run the country. The Washington
Post is read by the people who think they run the country. The National
Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the
country..."
		- Robert J. Woodhead

"An ambassador is a man of virtue sent to lie abroad for his country; a
news-writer is a man without virtue who lies at home for himself."
		- Sir Henry Wotton, "Reliquae Wottonianae"

"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep
good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'"
		- Stephen Wright

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
		- Stephen Wright

Student: "Can you do problem number twelve?" Wyler:
"Twelve?...NO!...That problem is on the test."
		- Oswald Wyler

"The truth of the matter is that window management under X is not yet
well understood."
		- The "Xlib Programming Manual"

"Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it."
		- Andrew Young

"I don't do this for my health, you understand. I do it for the pain.
I *LOVE* the pain!"
		- Professor Hugh D. Young, quoted out of context.

"Don't do things half-assed.  If a thing is worth doing at all, it's
worth doing as well as you can possibly do it.  Pick out something you
think is worthwhile and do it or work at it with passion.  Do it with
all your might."
		- Hugh Young

"So, this doesn't mean anything, but at least it's not obvious
nonsense."
		- Hugh Young

"This calls for a very special plan of psychology and extreme violence"
		- The Young Ones

"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for
tomorrow morning, sleep late."
		- Henny Youngman

"Sometimes it is more important to discover what one cannot do, than
what one can do."
		- Lin Yutang

"Don't say yes until I finish talking."
		- Darryl F. Zanuck

"If you choose not to live in a cluster, uh, dorm..."
		- Jim Zelenka

"Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together ..."
		- Carl Zwanzig

"Theoretical physicist---a physicist whose existence is postulated, to
make the numbers balance, but who is never actually observed in the
laboratory."
		- Unknown

"If 99% is good enough, then gravity will not work for 14 mins every
day. "
		- Unknown

"Chemistry is Physics without thought; Math is Physics without
purpose."
		- Unknown

"The NeXT:  The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a
Workstation, the unit sales make it a Mainframe."
		- Unknown

"If the automobile had improved as much as the computer in the last 25
years, it would get 1,000,000 miles to the gallon, cost $1, have a top
speed of 30,000 mph, and explode at least once a year, killing all
passengers."
		- Unknown

"Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do."
		- Unknown

"America - where each individual is free to worship the religion of
his/her parents' choice."
		- Another from bb+graffiti

"'After two years of trying, scientists at the Yerkes Regional Primate
Center have managed to get a chimpanzee pregnant.'  Which proves that
no task is repugnant to a true scientist."
		- Unidentified Scientist

"God himself could not sink this ship."
		- Anonymous Titanic Deck Hand

"I don't deal with stress; I kill people."
		- an unnamed Army ROTC, during the "Stress at CMU"
		T-shirt sale

"Since a cat always lands on its feet, and a piece of buttered toast
always lands buttered side down, if you strap a piece of buttered toast
to the back of a cat, which side will it land on?"
		- .sig file on rec.humor

"I'd rather be a survivor at Carnegie Mellon than a hero at Pitt"
		- Someone's .sig file

Write a wise saying and your name will live forever
		- Anonymous

"Management's biggest problem is all the unemployed people on the
payroll."
		- From rec.humor

"The next time someone starts quoting statistics at you, just remind
them that 78% of people who quote statistics make them up."
		- From rec.humor

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right
hands."
		- Saint Patrick

"Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and
you would not have been informed."
		- Unknown


"The ideal situation is to have real computing power close at hand -
right at home. Something that dims streetlights and shrinks the picture
on the neighbors TV when you crank it up."
		- Unknown

"You should emulate your heroes, but don't carry it too far.
Especially if they're dead."
		- Unknown

"It has been determined that research causes cancer in rats."
		- Unknown

"Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
thing as division."
		- ???

Q:      How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job?  A:
Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.

"What is the definition of a tachyon?  It's a gluon that's not
completely dry."
		- Heard at a New Year's Eve party

Thomas Edison is alleged to have remarked about his laboratory, "There
ain't no rules around here.  We're trying to accomplish something."

"A sword is a pen that writes in red ink..."

"Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you're doing."

"Only those who attempt the absurd   ...   will achieve the impossible"

"If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by
the page number."

"A feature is a bug with seniority."

"Not looking like Pascal is not a language deficiency!"

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."

"Good, fast, cheap:  choose any two."

"People who are incapable of making decisions are the ones who hit
those barrels at freeway exits."

"In the beginning there was nothing, then God said " Let there be
light".  And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could
see it a lot better"

"An ounce of vanity can ruin a ton of merit."

"Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change."

"Drag...Force which opposes forward motion of aircraft when pilot
forgets to untie tiedown."

"A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking."

"For non-deterministic read 'Inhabited by pixies'."

"You can hardly underestimate the importance of this."

"Suitably interpreted, this is an exact value."

"The revolution will not be televised."

"Do not adjust your mind, it is reality that is malfunctioning."

"When looking into the face of impending doom, smile. If you have to
die, go out with a grin.  The Devil cannot abide to be mocked!"

"FORTRAN... Then, as now, the language used by scientists with real
problems."

"I didn't think he could live down to his reputation, but he did."

"I don't see the point of lecturers talking, except to resolve some of
the ambiguities in their handwriting."

"A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry."

"What's the matter, cat+ got your password?"

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."

"I shall explain this by waving my hands about in an appropriate
manner."

"Thank you for flying U.S.A.F. We hope that you will consider us again
when your travel plans next include bombing Tripoli."

"You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi."

"Now, there are two ways to apprach a subject that frightens you and
makes you feel stupid:  you can embrace it with humility and an open
mind, or you can ridicule it mercilessly.  I'm still deciding which I
prefer."

"/EARTH is 98% full.  Please delete anybody you can."

"Anything's possible, but only a few things actually happen."

"A layman knows he has to kick it.; An amateur knows where to kick it.;
A professional knows how hard."

"Sometimes I go off into my own little world, but it's okay: they know
me there."

"bus error - passengers dumped"

"Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than
no government at all."

"When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional
division by zero."

"Only the truly incompetent never fail to disappoint."

"Quid latine dictum sit, altum viditur." (Whatever is said in Latin
sounds profound.)

"Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the
way before it is understood."

"Called up the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms regional office
and asked, "What wine goes best with an M-16?"  The guy who answered
did his best to be helpful:  "That depends.  What are you smoking?"

"A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to
run."

"In the immortal words of the captain of the Titantic, 'Where did all
this fucking ice come from?'"

"I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it
any time!"

"A manager does the thing right.  A leader does the right thing."

"Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not
nailed down."

"The Wright Bothers weren't the first to fly.  They were just the first
not to crash."

"Master, why is the letter 'i' the symbol for current?"  "Because there
is no letter 'i' in the word 'current'."  "Master, why do we use the
letter 'j' for sqrt(-1)?"  "Because we use the letter 'i' for
current."  Whereupon the Master struck the Disciple, and the Disciple
became enlightened.

"And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode."

"A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works."

"Heisenberg might have been here."

"Open the pod bay doors, Hal."; "I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.";
"Hal, I have an axe."; "Yes, Dave, opening pod bay doors now.  Have a
nice day."

"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip."

"Q:  Do you know what the death rate around here is?    A:  One per
person."

"I know you're supposed to take life one day at a time -- but lately
several days have attacked me at once."

"Cameramen on strike, Slides at 11"

"I'm paranoid...  I tried to join Paranoids Anonymous.  They wouldn't
let me know where the meetings were."

"If it's on the plate it's food, if it moves off the plate, kill it and
put it back on the plate."

"The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any
language."

"We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you!"

"War does not determine who is right -- only who is left."

"Somebody's had too much to think"

"discretely quantized, (adj): covertly flown on an Australian airline"

"Life is complex.  It has real and imaginary parts."

"Standards are industry's way of codifying obsolescence."

"Popular consensus says that reality is based on popular consensus."

"I don't know if I am going to heaven or hell, I just hope God grades
on a curve"

"Live now.  There'll be plenty of time to be dead later."


 -----------------------------------------------------------------
  Tom Strong              N3NBB              ts49+@andrew.cmu.edu