HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: dp35@mc1adm.UWaterloo.ca (Greg Moore)
Subject: Re: Christmas songs
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 21:07:08 GMT

tes0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (THOMAS EDWIN SCHMIDLIN) writes:
>gundlach@helena.stat.uga.edu (Gundlach Family account) writes:
>><ICEND@ASUACAD.BITNET> writes:
>>%_Does anyone know the words to the McKensy (sp?) brothers 12 days of Xmas?
>>
>> [wrong lyrics deleted]
>
>No, no, no, it goes like this
>
>8 comic books
>7 packs of smokes
>6 packs of touk cords(?)
            ^^^^^^^^^^ 
>5 GOLDEN TOUKS
>4 pounds of back bacon
>3 french toasts
>2 turtle necks
>and a beer
>
No, no, no, it goes like this

8 comic books
7 packs of smokes
6 packs of two four (24 = case of beer = lots of stubbys)
5 GOLDEN TOQUES
4 pounds of back bacon
3 french toast
2 turtle necks
and a beer (in a tree)

Always glad to let a little spirit in.

ObHumorousReference

Well if that's my thermometer, where did I leave my Pencil!?!?!
From: rtipnis@wpi.WPI.EDU (Rajeev Tipnis)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Repost new lyrics to "Sitting on the dock of the Bay"
Date: 20 Nov 1992 03:49:25 GMT
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: wpi.wpi.edu
Originator: rtipnis@wpi.WPI.EDU


original song: (sittin' on) the dock of the bay -- Otis Redding

the modified version: 


	(Sittin' On) the Cock of a Gay
  
  Sitting in the morning sun.
  I'll be sitting in the evening calm.
  Watching the balls roll in.
  Then I'll watch them roll away again.
  
     Ya, I'm sitting on the cock of a gay.
     Watching the balls roll away.
     Oh, I'm just sitting on the cock of a gay.
     Wasting sperms, sperms, sperms.
  
  I left my home in India.
  Headed for the Frisco Bay. (guess why??)
  I have had nothing to live for.
  Looks like no pussy is gonna come my way.
  
     Ya, I'm sitting on the cock of a gay.
     Watching the balls roll away.
     Oh, I'm just sitting on the cock of a gay.
     Wasting sperms, sperms, sperms.
  
  Looks like nothing's gonna change,
  These assholes are all the same.
  I can't do what normally a guy should do, 
  So, I guess I'll remain the same.
  
  Yes, sitting here resting my ass,
  And this asshole of mine is getting all red. 
  It's 2,000 miles I roamed,
  Just to make this cock my home.
  
     Ya, I'm sitting on the cock of a gay.
     Watching the balls roll away.
     Oh, I'm just sitting on the cock of a gay.
     Wasting sperms, sperms, sperms.
  
                      -Asshole Red-ing(The Cock of a Gay)
 
					
                                                    -- srinivas
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|                                                                         |
|                                                                         |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Small minds discuss people, Bigger minds discuss events, Great minds
discuss ideas. 					- Anonymous.

26 Lancaster Street				rtipnis@wpi.wpi.edu
Apt #2 Worcester				Work: 508-831-5640
01609 MA					Res : 508-792-2396
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Small minds discuss people, Bigger minds discuss events, Great minds
discuss ideas. 					- Anonymous.
From: 11srust@gallua.gallaudet.edu (Scott A. Rust)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: That damn Green Golf Ball joke.
Summary: Wet behind the ears poster
Keywords: sucker, froshie, nitwit
Date: 17 Nov 92 00:33:42 GMT
Article-I.D.: gallua.1992Nov16.193342.1
Followup-To: 11srust@gallua.gallaudet.edu
Organization: Gallaudet University English Dept

In article <BxtzII.I1B@acsu.buffalo.edu>, renzoni@acsu.buffalo.edu (Marc A Renzoni) writes:
> Could someone please send me this joke?
> It is really a big waste of bandwidth if there really isn't a joke.
> Prove there is one!  E-mail me, or, better yet, POST IT!
> 
> Ren


	You haven't been on this group very long, have you Ren?

		*heh heh heh* poor sucker
-- 
____________________

*****************************************************************************
* Scott A. Rust       *11srust@gallua.gallaudet.edu *  "A stupid person     *   
* Gallaudet University *****************************     can do anything    *
* English Department   *This .sig has been shown to *     except think"     *
* Kendall Green        * cause cancer in laboratory *      -Bob Dobbs, Jr.  *
* Washington DC 20002  * rats. Use only as directed.*                       * 
***************************************************************************** 
                 "Why? Why, because I laugh."
                                             - Sherwood Anderson
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: avalot@denver.cba.du.edu
Subject: Re: Airline acronyms and names
Organization: University of Denver
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 92 00:47:24 GMT

In article <Bxns1L.38G@cck.coventry.ac.uk> ceh127@cck.coventry.ac.uk  
(Grendel) writes:
> In article <BxMH4E.61o@acsu.buffalo.edu> v140pxgt@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu  
(Daniel B Case) writes:
> >
> >	The thread on car names is going so well I thought I'd take the  
liberty
> >of starting one for airline acronyms and similar joke names. I have  
many, but 
> >you may certainly want to add some.
> >
> >TWA-Try Walking Across
> >Teeny Weeeny Airlines
> >
> >DELTA-Don't Even Leave The Airport
> >
> >EL AL-Every Landing Always Late
> >
> >PIA (Pakistan India Airways, the official airline of Pakistan  
(surprise))
> >Please Inform Allah
> >
> >Northwest Orient-Northworst Disorient
> >(personal experience helped for that one)
> >
> >Air France-Air Chance
> >
> >These are all I can remember for the moment. Contributions are welcome.
> >
> 
> QANTAS - Queenies And Nymphomaniac Transvestite Air Stewards

Try those:

LUFTHANSA - Let Us Fuck The Hostess As No Steward Available

SABENA (Belgian Co.) - Such A Bad Experience, Never Again!

BOAC - Better On A Camel

ALITALIA - Always Late In Taking-offs, Always Late In Arrivals


Antoine VALOT [from Paris, France]  |  Les ames sont des essences qui
avalot@denver.cba.du.edu            |          s'evaporent du silence...
From: spence@soma.UMDNJ.EDU (Bill Spence)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Limericks
Date: 21 Nov 92 16:31:48 GMT
Organization: UMDNJ School of Osteopathic Medicine



Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And part of her anus in Dallas
-- 
Bill Spence
UMDNJ-SOM Health Sciences Library
----------------
sig, .shmig
From: tilden@discovery.ksu.ksu.edu (Tilden-Master of Illogic)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: 10 sentences you dont want to hear
Date: 18 Nov 1992 19:09:34 -0600
Organization: Kansas State University
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: discovery.ksu.ksu.edu


In article <Nov18.060910.16052@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU>, gregk@longs.LANCE.ColoState.Edu (Gregory Krueger) writes:
>In article <1992Nov14.123837.6495W@viper.edb.tih.no>, terjej@edb.tih.no (Terje Johansen,o90b) writes:
>|> Hokay, here's
>|> 
>|> 10 SENTENCES YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR
>|> 
>|>  1. - I cant kill the bastard!
>|>  2. - Baby, there's something I have to tell you.
>|>  3. - What pill?
>|>  4. - We are from the tax department, and would like to
>|>       look at some of your files.
>|>  5. - This is Dr. Smith calling; remember that test you did?
>|>  6. - This, buddy, is OUR territory.
>|>  7. - You mean you actually ATE it?
>|>  8. - We will have to take some tests.
>|>  9. - We will have to take some more tests.
>|> 10. - Do you have a really good health insurance?
>|> 
>
>	Of course, you can't forget this one:
>
>(Most effective if told in a mens restroom while standing at a urinal)
>
>"Hey, what are the last two words that you want to hear while standing
>at a urinal?"
>
>Pause for a second...
>
>"Nice Dick!"
>

You forgot....

Could you sit down for a minute?....
From: jch2564@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Haha GGBJ!
Date: 18 Nov 92 18:25:24 GMT
Reply-To: jch2564@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Organization: Rochester Institute of Technology

hee hee....
Yeah.. and I've been looking all over for a left-handed smoke shifter
:)


Ffej
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mac@ur.utk.edu (Richard J. McDougald)
Subject: Re: Green Golf Balls. The Monty Python Connection?
Organization: University of Tennessee 
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 19:47:54 GMT

In article <24dq69l@dixie.com> sents@dixie.com (Jeff Sents) writes:

> As one of those who has never heard the Green Golf Ball Joke, but
> who has heard about it, and has seen the recent posts here regarding
> it, I was wondering if it had any connection to the infamous
> "Joke of Death" that helped the Allies win WWII as portrayed in
> Monthy Python? Could it be that no living person out there has
> actually heard the WHOLE joke? Does tranmission of this joke over
> internet do physical damage? 
>  I volunteer myself as a subject to investigate this phenonmia! Could
> anyone in possession of the joke PLEASE email it to me. I promise
> that if my PC & I survive, I will forward a copy to all that request
> it.

> Thanks in Advance!

> Jeff

>***************************************************************************
>* Jeff R. Sents                           *                               *
>* Marietta, Georgia, USA                  *    Never Trust Programmers    *
>*                                         *    Who Carry Screwdrivers!    *
>* home: sents@dixie.com                   *                               *
>* work: ge03429@loads1.lasc.lockheed.com  *                               *
>***************************************************************************

>#include stdsclmr.h
><This message contains only the opinions & beliefs of its author, 
>which in no way represent those of anyone else.>


I promise to do the same.  Hell, I'm even a golfer, and I've never heard it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 Mac McDougald                   *
 The Photography Center          *   Any opinions expressed herein 
 Rm. 91 Comm. Bldg.              *   are not necessarily (actually,
 Univ. of Tenn. Knoxville 37916  *   are almost CERTAINLY NOT) those
 mac@ur.utk.edu                  *   of The University of Tennessee. 
 mac@utkvx.bitnet                *      
 (615-974-3449)                  *   "Things are more like they are now     
 (615-974-6435) FAX              *    than they've ever been before."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
            
Xref: sparky rec.humor:34577 soc.culture.soviet:10160
From: oleg@netcom.com (Oleg Kiselev)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
Subject: Re: Cockroach --- Soviet emigre's best friend
Date: 22 Nov 92 09:58:08 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)

In article <PHPJuB1w165w@bwalk.dm.com> dlv@bwalk.dm.com (Dimitri Vulis) writes:

Dimochka Vulis is back, as full of self-loathing as ever.

$ cat >> $HOME/News/soc/culture/soviet/KILL
/dlv@bwalk/h:j
^D
-- 
Oleg Kiselev at home			...use the header to find the path
From: gt9291b@prism.gatech.EDU (Patrick Aikens)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Blonde Jokes
Date: 18 Nov 92 00:42:23 GMT
Organization: Georgia Institute of Technology

Can someone please e-mail me the complete Blonde Jokes list?
I don't read the group often, so I would most likely miss a post, so
do mail it.

-- 
Patrick Aikens            |  ()_()  "How can I laugh tomorrow
Georgia Tech CS Major     |   (_)    When I can't even smile today."
gt9291b@prism.gatech.edu  |          Suicidal Tendencies

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bgohari@wam.umd.edu (Babak Gohari)
Subject: Re: Harvard
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 18:55:22 GMT

In article <By6In6.I3z@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu> bgarfink@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (beth diane garfinkel) writes:
>I am told by a friend of mine that MIT refers to Harvard as "UpChuck,"
>because Harvard's campus is up the Charles River from the MIT campus. .
>.
>
>								Beth
>-- 
>"This must be Thursday.  I never could get the hang of Thursdays."
>	-Arthur Dent, on being told that the Earth is about to blow up.

Hey, that reminds me.  Back in junior high school, we had a bus driver whose
real name (honest!) was Charles Up.  He went by Chuck, so we called him
Chuck Up or Up Chuck, depending on the day.

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: larsa@colargol (larsa)
Subject: C-Shell error messages :)
Organization: Colargol, Trondheim College of Engineering
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 92 00:43:18 GMT


OK, I found this file somewhere, and wonder if you guys and girls out there
know of any other funny respondings from c-shell...


------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I personally like the humour provided by the csh shell.  
The following came my way several months ago.  Unfortunately,
I cannot take credit for any of these.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paul Barth writes:
    Since we are all now great Unix wizards, the follow might be humorous. It
    came to me from Umass.

    Note that the '%' prompt indicates that the command should be issued from 
    the C shell, and the '$' prompt indicates the Bourne shell. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% ar m God
ar: God does not exist

% "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].                                                                     

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?  
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make:  Don't know how to make love.  Stop.

% sleep with me 
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

% sh

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink <bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create

-- 
David B. Stewart, Dept. of Elec. & Comp. Engr., and The Robotics Institute, 
	Carnegie Mellon University,  email: stewart@faraday.ece.cmu.edu 
The following software is now available; ask me for details
        CHIMERA II, A Real-time OS for Sensor-Based Control Applications




--
+------------------+---------------------------------------------------------+
| Lars Joergen Aas |       The best way to avoid being raped:  Say yes!      |
| larsa@edb.tih.no |       Look: a ".signature" with only four lines...      |
+------------------+---------------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: chorley@vms.ocom.okstate.edu
Subject: Re: CONNECTED NAME SEQUENCES 
Organization: OSU College of Osteopathic Medicine
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 17:18:41 GMT

In article <murray.6.722263394@its.uct.ac.za>, murray@its.uct.ac.za (Mark Murray) writes:
> In article <17NOV199217351251@zeus.tamu.edu> shekhar@zeus.tamu.edu (SHARAT SHEKHAR) writes:
>>From: shekhar@zeus.tamu.edu (SHARAT SHEKHAR)
>>	I've come up with the notion of "CONNECTED NAME SEQUENCES" for
>>example consider :
>>		     -------------- ------------
>>		"UMA THURMAN THOMAS PAYNE WEBBER"      (Rank = 4)
>>	         ----------- ------------
>>
>>	--------- ------------ ----------
>>	Jim Eddie Murphy Brown Sugar Bowl  		(Rank = 5)
>>	    ------------ -----------
>>
> 
> How about:
> 
> 	DYLAN THOMAS HARDY KRUGER ?
        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

CONISTON WATER BUFFALO BOB DYLAN THOMAS HARDY KRUGER RAND CORPORATION STREET
WALKER CUP FINAL EDITION
From: keith@torme.sharebase.com (Keith Chambless)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Airline acronyms and names
Date: 16 Nov 92 23:02:55 GMT
Reply-To: keith@torme.sharebase.com (Keith Chambless)
Organization: NCR/ShareBase Corporation

PSA: Poor Sailors Airline
From: phudl@csv.warwick.ac.uk (Mr S J Liddicott)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: REAL Programmers's Guide
Date: 17 Nov 1992 17:32:34 -0000
Organization: Computing Services, University of Warwick, UK
NNTP-Posting-Host: clover.csv.warwick.ac.uk
Keywords: humor programming


I got the previous 3 from U of M gopher service
-- 
*----------*-------------------------------------------------------------*
| Sam   Jam|"Never underestimate the importance of a cheap laugh"-       |
| Liddicott| phudl@csv.warwick.ac.uk  | I WAS IN IDAHO | Plucky Duck TTA |
*---------------It's a thing that makes me go hmmm...--------------------*
From: S.E.Rigden@newcastle.ac.uk (Simon Rigden)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Riddle -
Date: 20 Nov 92 13:00:27 GMT
Organization: University of Newcastle upon Tyne, UK, NE1 7RU


 The following is a riddle I saw the other day. Some people get it straight
away but mathematicians seem to have difficulty - tell it to one and see.


 A man is talking to a zoo keeper :


 Man : How many animals are there in your zoo?

 ZK  : Well, I can tell you that there are 64 heads and 186 legs?

 Is it possible to work out the answer to the mans question from this?



 -Simon "I really should get round to creating a .sig" Rigden
 -(S.E.Rigden@ncl.ac.uk)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jcruz@etch-eshop.Berkeley.EDU (Joey Cruz)
Subject: Blonde/Nerd Joke....
Reply-To: jcruz@etch-eshop.Berkeley.EDU (Joey Cruz)
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 00:54:54 GMT

Nerd: I did'nt know you were a Virgin, if only i knew i could have 
      taken it easy....
Blonde: I did'nt know you were in a Hurry I could have taken off my
        panty hose.............................

Q: why do Blondes hates Blond Jokes?
A: Because they're all true.......



disclaimer: I'm not responsible for anything I say or do after 
            lunch time...
From: doctor@k9.UUCP (Paul Broe)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Christmas songs
Date: 17 Nov 92 19:53:04 GMT
Organization: Mostly Harmless...
X-NewsSoftware: GRn 1.16g (10.17.92) by Mike Schwartz & Michael B. Smith

In article <1992Nov17.034931.163190@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> tes0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (THOMAS EDWIN SCHMIDLIN) writes:
> 8 comic books
> 7 packs of smokes
> 6 packs of touk cords(?)
> 5 GOLDEN TOUKS
> 4 pounds of back bacon
> 3 french toasts
> 2 turtle necks
> and a beer
             ^in a tree.

-- 
----
Paul Broe
Internet: broe@plains.nodak.edu
UUCP: uunet!plains!prototype!k9!doctor (My Amiga 2500/20)    AmigaUUCP 1.16D
BIX: pbroe Compu$erve: too expensive.                        AmigaOS 2.05
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: shekhar@zeus.tamu.edu (SHARAT SHEKHAR)
Subject: CONNECTED NAME SEQUENCES 
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Texas A&M University, Academic Computing Services
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 23:35:00 GMT


	I've come up with the notion of "CONNECTED NAME SEQUENCES" for
example consider :
		     -------------- ------------
		"UMA THURMAN THOMAS PAYNE WEBBER"      (Rank = 4)
	         ----------- ------------

	Where the above is a sequence of rank 4 since its a sequence of 4
names, Uma Thurman, Thurman Thomas, Thomas Payne & Payne Webber.

	The names can be either names of famous (or at least reasonably well-
known ) persons, firms, things, products, objects, or places such that each
component of the sequence is a 2 part entity that makes sense when expressed
by itself.


	Another example of rank 5 is :

	--------- ------------ ----------
	Jim Eddie Murphy Brown Sugar Bowl  		(Rank = 5)
	    ------------ -----------

	Note : Jim Eddie is the Defensive Coordinator of the Houston Oilers
 	       and while he's clearly not likely to make the Cover of "TIME",
	       he's at least an example of the limit of obscurity thats
	       permissible in the sequences.

	The idea is to get other netters to contribute more examples and to see
who can come up with a sequence of the largest rank.

	If you feel that you need to explain who or what any/all of the
components are, please do so.


	Adios for now  - Sharat
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rschoen@mathematik.uni-ulm.de (Reinhard Schoen)
Subject: This is the green golf ball joke!
Keywords:  ;-)
Reply-To: rschoen@mathematik.uni-ulm.de (Reinhard Schoen)
Organization: University of Ulm, SAI, Germany
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 92 18:53:00 GMT

In article <Bxtqnn.33G@dcs.ed.ac.uk>, mlxh@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Michael Howard) writes:
|> Surely some1 must have the balls to post this joke up here? <cheap shot>
|> 
|> Is it really *that* bad? Can't be much more sexist/racist/otherwise sick than
|> some of the stuff on the net. If it's real bad (ie. illegal!) couldn't it be
|> encrypted or something, then sent? <disclaimer: purely hypothetically>

Hey that's the idea! OK, here I go!
This is the one and only GREEN GOLFBALL JOKE:

(Side note: For apparent reasons, I cannot use the
standard encryption, i.e. rot-13, so I used a more
sophisticated algorithm.)

GHBJLKL J765tujopi jh thx 789h jki yy jghjk.
mewkHJIL JUIOHuoihuji iu76Y^&-9 87
jhsdi 843990 56-k vcm  io fdgo  'd;kjgo m., iopuuweoi erpsf vdc
ik,sd ,ke r9ol.

nkfd [dsuew i4ep 9fvmk fvd?
ofd8723-2 3kfergjvbji; 
,mlfd ;kjfio pue r94 39 ifds vmp'
mk feop, kjJj
nkfd; jik l;po8 u9i8er o[j rekio;
Nkjl;fdj8ui9poerwio[wekmglofp[
njkdpsh uipoj dsfn kl;
,mlfdau 83 9y67 jc;. mik o0
mkopY &*%^&89 o0789 0u8 (Pui op;j nio b nuhiolyuo
kml;'fgkjljfgiopdfm koji o;yuiou  jiopjio[puiuy
j20c,$ 0m% jl)k m^hk* fgv b;98 y7vb76 809h g 
ljy^9098 ytnl ky6*90 kjhnj GY^ 8o0kg bf$ 
980-Khf469klMNgbhgf6	900-

jhuIpiu86&*078^^hl;90o*&$%5jlP)O(*6h
see;-)HH^79_)KJhr5$#5hlpo0(7jhnDW!!!


REinhard
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: carlson@cwis.unomaha.edu (Brian D. Carlson)
Subject: Computer jocks
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 1992 04:44:34 GMT

	Why don't computer jocks know when to celbrate Christmas or
Holloween?

Because they don't know the difference between DEC25 and OCT31

	Hope the ^L worked.

Brian D. Carlson
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: corneliu@cs.curtin.edu.au (Nigel Cornelius)
Subject: Windsor Castle on fire!!
Keywords: burn baby burn...
Organization: Curtin University of Technology
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 04:38:06 GMT


Here are a few reasons why Windsor castle got burned...

1. The queen was smoking in bed!!

2. Di's kids were playing with matches.

3. The IRA were invited for a barbeque.

4. The queen was lighting her own farts



If you've got more, let's hear them...
From: Andy Hudson
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Male Toilet Habits
Date: 18 Nov 92 16:25:24 GMT
Organization: Texas Instruments

Next time you go to the public toilets you may observe one
of the following types of vistors:

EXCITABLE TYPE 
 Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.

SOCIABLE TYPE 
 Joins pals for a piss whether he wants one or not.

TIMID TYPE
 Cannot piss if anyone is watching, pretends he has been
 and sneaks back later.

NOISY TYPE
 Whistles loudly, peeps over partition to have a look at
 the other fellow's tool.
                        
INDIFFERENT TYPE
 All urinals being occupied, uses sink.

CLEVER TYPE
 Pisses without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie
 at the same time.

VAIN TYPE
 Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.

ABSENT-MINDED TYPE
 Opens jacket, takes out tie, pisses in pants.

WORRIED TYPE
 Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes 
 a furtive but close inspection of tool while pissing.

DISGRUNTLED TYPE
 Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to piss, fails,
 farts again and walks out muttering.

SNEAKY TYPE
 Drops silent farts while pissing and looks at the bloke
 next to him.

SLOPPY TYPE
 Pisses on shoe, walks out with flies undone, adjusts
 himself ten minutes later.

LEARNED TYPE
 Reads a book or newspaper while pissing.

CHILDISH TYPE
 Watches bubbles at bottom of the urinal while pissing.

STRONG TYPE
 Bangs tool on side of urinal to remove drops.

DRUNKEN TYPE
 Pulls out tool, sees two, puts one away, and pisses
 in trousers.

EMBARRASSED TYPE
 Covers tool with both hands and pisses through fingers.

COCK-EYED TYPE
 Stands in one cubical and pisses in next one.


---
Andy Hudson (a908301@server1.tiuk.ti.com)

    - NE TE CONFUNDANT ILLEGITIMI ! -