From: csh@newt.phys.unsw.edu.au (Chris Heath)
Subject: confucious list
Keywords: confucious
Reply-To: csh@newt.phys.unsw.edu.au (Chris Heath)
Organization: University of NSW
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 23:20:54 GMT



For all those ppl whom wanted a Confucious list.....here's mine.....


Confucious Say:-

   1.   America Good Place to Put Chinese Restuarant. 

   2.   Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok. 

   3.   man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

   4.   Man who run behind car get exhausted.

   5.   Man who is jacking into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.

   6.   Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.

   7.   Man who go to bed with a problem in hand wakes up in the
        morning with a solution in hand.

   8.   He who refuses to listen is lying.

   9.   He who stands in corner with hands in pocket
        doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.

   10.  He who eats to many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

   11.  He who pull out to fast leave rubber behind.

   12.  Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.

   13.  Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.

   14.  Man who have woman on ground have piece on earth.

   15.  Woman who fly upside down have hairy crackup.

   16.  Man who go to bed with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger.

   17.  Man who fly upside-down have crack up!

   18.  Man born in backseat of car with automatic transimission grow up
	to be shiftless bastard.

   19.  Confucius say at take square ass to shit a brick.

   20.  Rape is impossible.  Lady run much faster with dress up than 
        man with pants down!

   21.  He who sniffs Coke, drowns.

   22.  Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

   23.  Lady who live in glass house, dress in basement!

   24.  To make egg roll, Push it.

   25.  Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, Jump for Joy...

   26.  Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.

   27.  Man who stand on toilet is one high on pot.

   28.  He who fart in church sit in own pew.

   29.  He who fucks dynamite gets big bang out of it.

   30.  She who rides bike peddles ass all over town.

   31.  He who lose key to girlfriends apartment get no new key.

   32.  He who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

   33.  Man who pick nose - head cave in.

   34.  He who fucks dynamite gets big bang out of it.

   35.  Fly which rests on toilet seat gets pissed off

   36.  Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

   37.  Man who eats photograph of his sire is soon spitting 
                  image of his father.

   38.  Woman who put chicken and peas in soup, very unhygienic.

   39.  Man who sink into woman's arms will soon find arms in woman's sink.

   40.  Man who piss into strong wind gets wet.

   41.  Bread that is cast upon water gets soggy and sinks.

   42.  Hamsters which crawl into the wrong orifice get shit-faced.

   43.  Man with athletic finger make broad jump.

   44.  Boy and girl go camping together sure to have naughty intent.

   45.  There is no such thing as rape. Woman with skirt up can 
                  run faster than man with pants down.

   46.  Never trust men with short legs, brains too near the bottom.

   47.  All men eat, but Fu Manchu.

   48.  Secretary not part of furniture until screwed on desk.

   49.  Man who put cream in tart, not really a baker...

   50.  Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.

   51.  Man who walk middle of road get run over by bus.

   52.  He who let woman on top is f***ing up.

   53.  People who make Confucius joke speak bad English.

   54.  Woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat-haouse.

   55.  Man who lose key to girl-friends apartment gets no new-key.

   56.  Confucious say: I didn't say that!!!

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/-------------------------------------------------------------\
|   Chris Heath       Email ==> csh@newt.phys.unsw.edu.au     |
|                                                             |
|   In the beginning there was chaos.....nothings changed!!   |
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