HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: faught@convex.com (Danny R. Faught)
Subject: Re: need money advice - how do we spend money on ourselves?
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 15:38:19 GMT
Organization: Engineering, CONVEX Computer Corp., Richardson, Tx., USA
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

Thanks to everyone who has responded.  The general consensus strongly
suggests that we need some way to split the income into his, hers, and ours.
Most suggest seperate checking accounts, though some think that's going too
far.

I was surprised how many couples both earn about the same amount of money.
I neglected to mention that I am earning significantly more than my wife,
but I think we'll still be able to manage.  Her "allowance" shouldn't be
more than she's earning.

Thanks for the good response.  I think I'll hang around for a while.  Being
a newlywed creates all kinds of interesting problems!
-- 
Danny Faught, Convex rookie, MPP project  (and happy to be here)
"Everything is deeply intertwingled." - Ted Nelson
From: ez012344@chip.ucdavis.edu
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: NAMBLA? NAMBLA?? Posting in public like a normal organization?
Summary: Diseased miscreants seek boys for exploitation
Keywords: Brutality,Exploitation,DiseasedMinds
Date: 21 Jan 93 15:24:45 GMT
Organization: Computing Services, UC Davis
Originator: ez012344@chip.ucdavis.edu

In article <1993Jan18.212936.8183@panix.com> roy@panix.com (Roy Radow) writes:
>The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA)
>supports the rights of all people to engage in consensual
>relations. NAMBLA does not say that all children should
>have sex with adults. We do, however, oppose laws which
>destroy loving relationships merely on the basis of the
>age of the participants.
>

NAMBLA is a voluntary association of sick fucks who run around like rats in
heat hoping to poke and stroke prepubescent boys. They are a sterling example
of the idea of culture as a "revenge against nature", advanced I believe by,
hmm, Nancy Tanner?

While I am fairly liberal, I'm not liberal enough to admit that a fetish for
undeveloped flesh is anything other than a neurosis.

Usually, NAMBLA members stay firmly under their rocks, where they can leer
at their sticky photographs and replay their kiddie-porn videotapes in
private. What compelled you to crawl out, Roy? Perhaps a desire for martyrdom?

You filthy swine. Take your disease elsewhere. The imagery of your heaving,
sweating body moving over some boy not even emotionally aware enough to realize
abuse is so patently disgusting that passion blitzes reason ... which does not
bode well for your NAMBLA. Until rats like you are driven into the sea ...
who will rest?
From: josh@intercon.com (Joshua A. Cole)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Concerned about relationship
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 16:50:42 -0500
Organization: InterCon Systems Corporation
Distribution: world
Reply-To: josh@intercon.com (Joshua A. Cole)
NNTP-Posting-Host: josh.intercon.com
X-Newsreader: InterCon TCP/Connect II 1.1b35

Believe it or not, I've been in a situation similar to yours. I once had a 
"girlfriend" who was sort of broken up with her "ex-boyfriend" but not 
really. She also said that she was in love with me. Like you, she wouldn't 
tell her family about me, nor would she tell her friends. On top of this, she 
lived 500 miles away.

I'll tell you man, all I can see for you in this is hurt. I know it's tough, 
but the sooner you break this off, the easier (as if it'd be easy at all) it 
will be.

"Tania" is obviously confused about her life right now and, unfortunately, 
you're caught in the crossfire. I really think that you need to give her an 
ultimatum because this will eat at your relationship until it's over 
eventually. You might not like the answer to your ultimatum, but when you 
look at it, what does that say about the basic foundation of your 
relationship in the first place?

Good luck to you. I truly hope you'll find someone who will be in love with 
YOU and *ONLY* you.

--Josh


Joshua Cole
Senior SQA Engineer
InterCon Systems Corporation
Herndon, VA
josh@intercon.com

Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: apdolan@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (dolan andrew)
Subject: Re: interracial couples
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 19:16:39 GMT
Keywords: interracial couples

apdolan@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (dolan andrew) writes:

> 
> I have been involved in a variety of       
> interracial relationships, as a white man with black women,
> and am interested in learning about any
> support groups and other related activities
> that may exist that readers may know about or have
> been involved in. The primary one I know of is
> the Interracial and Biracial Clubs in Buffalo and Chicago.
> Are there other groups out there?
> You can post on this board or email to me
> at  apdolan@uxa.cso.uiuc

> Some books that may be of interest:

> "Marriage Across the Color Line" Larsson, 1965
> "Black and White Mixed Marriages"Ernest Porterfield

> If anyone has other relevant information, anecdotes,
> or just wants to talk, use the above email address.


I accidentally deleted some mail(I'm fairly new to using
computers, and get confused between using Mac vs. IBM/Windows
stuff). Anyone who didn't get a reply on a question or story,
please contact me again.Sorry. apdolan@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu



.
From: SXB134@psuvm.psu.edu
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Two questions (lengthy background)
Date: 27 Jan 93 23:48:39 GMT
Organization: Penn State University

In article <93026.201027SEK@psuvm.psu.edu>, Sonja Kueppers <SEK@psuvm.psu.edu>
says:
>
>In article <1993Jan26.010136.14050@bsu-ucs>, 01ksdavis@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu
>(Rebel
>without a pause.) says:
>>
>>        Oh yeah, did I mention her BAC was .23 after they had
>>started pumping her stomach and replacing her blood with plasma?
>>
>>        Suffice it to say, I really don't have a high opinion
>>of her fraternity
>
>I don't think this has anything to do with her fraternity.
>
>I think this has to do with the fact that she doesn't have a mature
>relationship with alcohol.
>
>*sigh*
>
>(Incidentally, my opinion of fraternities is not very good, but
>it is every person's responsibility to cultivate mature attitudes
>about alcohol.  Just because your friends are idiots doesn't mean
>you have to be.  I think a lower drinking age would help a lot.)
>
My opinion of fraternities isn't very high, either, and I happen to BE
in one.  They're not all the same, though I agree that most people that
I've seen are basically completely irresponsible when it comes to
alcohol (ab)use.  Frankly, after three years, I'm disgusted with the
amount of drinking I've seen. That is NOT what fraternities are
supposed to be about.

                                      --Steve.
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: kapa@cbnewsc.cb.att.com (k.a.perkins)
Subject: Re: Getting UP in AM!
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 02:58:22 GMT
Summary: why worry about it?

In article <Anon-180193130306@crl1.med.yale.edu>, Anon@yale.edu (Anonymous) writes:
> My wife takes about twice as long as I do
> to get out the door after leaving bed.
> However, she never gets out of bed until
> I move.  Thus, I have to get up earlier
> than I would have to get up, just so she
> will get up in time to MOVE!

Arrange to get where you're going without her - don't
drive together, for example, and stop worrying about it.
She must be going somewhere that's
important to her (work, school ...).  Let her be late
and deal with the consequences.
From: pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: A Question...
Keywords: last names
Date: 22 Jan 93 01:26:09 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

Here's a question that I'd like people's opinions on:  What do you
think about the practice of a woman taking the man's last name when
they get married?

Personally, I think that it's a good idea for a married couple to
share a last name, both for the sake of convinience and because I
think it is a clear reminder that they are family to each other.
*However,* I really object to the idea that it must be the woman who
gives up her name to take the man's name.  In "the bad old days" this
was symbolic of the fact that she was his legal property, and, in the
eyes of the law, they were one person -- him.  But why do we still
need to do this?  What's wrong with both of them taking her last name,
or a totally new one?  Or some combination of the two?  

It seems like a lot of couples I know have gone the route of having
the woman either keep her own last name or having the woman take hers
hyphenated with his.  Rarely does the man take a hyphenate name.  Does
it seem strange or unfair to anyone else that the woman is expected to
make the change, but never the man? 

I know a few men who seem to think it is solely a woman's problem and
solely her decision.  She has the option of keeping her name or taking
his or hyphenating them, but he does not expect to have to do anything
at all.

Personally, I think it is deeply symbolic to change one's name and
take another's.  I see it as very appropriate in marriage.  But I
don't think I'd be willing to make that sacrifice for someone who
wasn't willing to make that sacrifice for me.

Any reactions?

ajp



Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: torerik@cs.washington.edu (Tor Erik Jeremiassen)
Subject: Re: Suggestions for wedding music
Organization: Computer Science & Engineering, U. of Washington, Seattle
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 93 17:30:44 GMT


I would suggest that you go to the nearest music store, e.g. Tower Records,
and pick up a tape or two with wedding music. Stores with good selections
usually have at least half a dozen different tapes with wedding music,
ranging from contemporary to the classics. It really helped my wife and me
in picking the music for our wedding.


Good luck,

Tor Jeremiassen
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: carl@sscl.uwo.ca (Carl Kaufmann)
Subject: Re: A Question...
Organization: Soc.Sci.Comp.Lab., U.West.Ont.
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 14:32:48 GMT

In article <106120@netnews.upenn.edu>, pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo) writes:
> Here's a question that I'd like people's opinions on:  What do you
> think about the practice of a woman taking the man's last name when
> they get married?
> 
> Personally, I think that it's a good idea for a married couple to
> share a last name, both for the sake of convinience and because I
> think it is a clear reminder that they are family to each other.
> *However,* I really object to the idea that it must be the woman who
> gives up her name to take the man's name.  In "the bad old days" this
> was symbolic of the fact that she was his legal property, and, in the
> eyes of the law, they were one person -- him.  But why do we still
> need to do this?  What's wrong with both of them taking her last name,
> or a totally new one?  Or some combination of the two?  
> 
> It seems like a lot of couples I know have gone the route of having
> the woman either keep her own last name or having the woman take hers
> hyphenated with his.  Rarely does the man take a hyphenate name.  Does
> it seem strange or unfair to anyone else that the woman is expected to
> make the change, but never the man? 
> 
> I know a few men who seem to think it is solely a woman's problem and
> solely her decision.  She has the option of keeping her name or taking
> his or hyphenating them, but he does not expect to have to do anything
> at all.
> 
> Personally, I think it is deeply symbolic to change one's name and
> take another's.  I see it as very appropriate in marriage.  But I
> don't think I'd be willing to make that sacrifice for someone who
> wasn't willing to make that sacrifice for me.
> 
> Any reactions?

One interesting solution that some friends of mine considered (but rejected)
is each partner changing to the *other's* last name.  I prefer the idea of
changing to a common new last name, in keeping with the idea of starting
a new life together.

*******************************************************************************
*  See how the heart reaches  *  Carl Kaufmann   *    Trust is the ultimate   *
*  out instinctively, for no  * Soc.Sci.Comp.Lab *    aphrodisiac.            *
*  reason but to touch.       *    U.West.Ont    *                            *
*        -Kate Bush           * carl@sscl.uwo.ca *       -Me                  *
*******************************************************************************
From: peri@cco.caltech.edu (Michal Leah Peri)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: A Question...
Date: 26 Jan 1993 01:15:58 GMT
Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: sandman.caltech.edu

kapa@cbnewsc.cb.att.com (k.a.perkins) writes:

>> I suggest using one of the surnames as your child's middle name:

>What about the second kid then?  Should s/he get the same middle
>name as the first or a different one?  I don't disagree with the
>idea but it doesn't seem like a  general solution.

I see no problem with siblings having the same middle name.  After all,
they often have the same surname and rarely have the same firstname.
-- 

                                                --  Michal
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Impressive amounts of material can be accreted in this manner.
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: thurlow@convex.com (Robert Thurlow)
Subject: Re: A Question...
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 05:58:39 GMT
Organization: Engineering, CONVEX Computer Corp., Richardson, Tx., USA
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

In <93022.091151SEK@psuvm.psu.edu> Sonja Kueppers <SEK@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:

>Changing his last name to my last name seems to be completely out of the
>question, and I admit that it strikes me as a little odd that it's not
>completely out of the question for *me* to change my last name.

I don't understand why he should be expected to have a strong opinion
on your non-negotiables.  If he's happy with the two of you having
separate names, I don't think that's a problem (see my prior post).
If he attaches a lot of value to your names being the same, I would
expect him to consider what he can do, though.

Rob T
--
Rob Thurlow, thurlow@convex.com
"Shouldn't I have this, shouldn't I have this, shouldn't I have all of this,
 and, passionate kisses, passionate kisses, passionate kisses, from you?"
- "Passionate Kisses" Lucinda Williams
From: luden@lehigh.edu (Dean E. Nelson)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: A Question of Etiquette
Date: 22 Jan 93 22:29:22 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University Computing Center

In article <93021.190758SEK@psuvm.psu.edu> SEK@psuvm.psu.edu (Sonja Kueppers) writes:

>In article <luden.77.727653077@lehigh.edu>, luden@lehigh.edu (Dean E. Nelson)
>says:

>>Are their people we can pay to worry about these things for us?

>Yep.  They're called professional wedding consultants.  Sometimes
>I feel like I should have hired one, and then I remember that the
>most annoying thing is figuring out what I want, not hiring someone
>to carry it out.  If I hired a wedding consultant, I'd still have to
>tell *them* what I wanted...

I can see you missed the point.  Whether honor is spelled with a 'u'
or not does not seem to fall into the category of "what I want".  The
person would be hired to worry about things you *don't* care about, but
that other people think you should.  They could *care* for you.  It would 
be like Mother Theresa hiring someone to hate people for her, because it is 
expected that she hate someone, but she just can't bring herself to do it.

I was *so* grateful that my wife, et al. worried about the etiquette, 
it let me off the hook.  Me?...I worried about the vows...still do too.

>-Sonja
>------
>SEK@psuvm.psu.edu SEK@PSUVM.BITNET
>Love is not enough.  It must be the foundation, the cornerstone --
>but not the complete structure.  It is much too pliable, too yielding.
>                                            - Bette Davis

Dean    den0@lehigh.edu
From: trljim@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (JIM SONNENMEIER)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Showers with SOs
Date: 21 Jan 93 18:01:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1993Jan21.103657.7365@ohm.york.ac.uk>, ian@ohm.york.ac.uk writes...
>In article <1ji99o$c27@agate.berkeley.edu> stoll@ocf.berkeley.edu (Cliff Stoll)  
>writes:
>> 
>> Kyle Davis writes:
>> >        There was a movie on the local PBS about computer crime.  
>> >  One of the scenes showed the hero taking a shower with his girlfriend.  
>> 
>> You betcha!
> 
>Any more info on this movie (based on Cuckoo's Egg I presume...)? I guess I  
>missed it when it was on over here. I'd have really liked to see it.
> 
>Ian Stephenson


It was an episode of NOVA ... they basically played out the book, with 
Stoll and many of the other actual people playing it out. They went beyond 
the book and into the detail of the trial and talking to the hackers in 
germany etc ... well worth a look if you can find it.

Jim
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: lither@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (litherland kathryn j)
Subject: Re: A Question...
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 01:37:07 GMT
Keywords: last names

pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo) writes:

>Here's a question that I'd like people's opinions on:  What do you
>think about the practice of a woman taking the man's last name when
>they get married?

>Any reactions?

>ajp


Friends of my solved this problem by taking the first part of her
middle name (Heather) and the last part of his middle name (Edward)
to create the new last name "Heathward."  

An additional question: when married couples adopt a hyphenated
last name, do the children also carry the hyphenated name?  In
25 years are we going to be seeing Joe Smith-Johnson--Clark-Stewards
and the like?

Kathy Litherland
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: thomas@datamark.co.nz (Thomas Beagle)
Subject: Re: A Question...
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 23:34:03 GMT
Organization: Datamark International Ltd.
Keywords: last names

In article <106120@netnews.upenn.edu> pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo) writes:
>Here's a question that I'd like people's opinions on:  What do you
>think about the practice of a woman taking the man's last name when
>they get married?

I hate it.

If I get married and my prospective spouse wanted to change her name
to mind, I would try very hard to argue her out of it.

For some reason it strikes me as being offensive.

-- 
    Thomas Beagle | thomas@datamark.co.nz           Work: 64 4 233 8186
 Technical Writer | thomas@cavebbs.welly.gen.nz     Home: 64 4 499 3832
   Wellington, NZ | Yes, I do have long ears, a black nose, and a tail.
From: arf@otter.hpl.hp.com (Andrew Farmer)
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 12:35:43 GMT
Subject: Calling British/Canadian couples
Organization: Hewlett-Packard Laboratories, Bristol, UK.
Newsgroups: soc.couples


  I'm British and will be marrying a Canadian this summer. I'm interested to
 hear from any British or Canadian amongst you who have experience of the
 legal/immigration etc. stuff involved. 

	Thanks for your help,

		Andy Farmer, Bristol, UK.
		(arf@hplb.hpl.hp.com)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: sthor@ctp.com (Sarah Thornburg)
Subject: Re: Sex After Childbirth
Organization: Cambridge Technology Partners
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 23:49:24 GMT

In article <1jka22$lio@spool.mu.edu> kevin@kevins.frontiertech.com writes:
>We have a 7 month old son, our first. He's happy and healthy. I've
>enjoyed almost every moment he's been with us. We tried for a long
>time, 1 year or so  so our sex life was not so great (or normal) for
>that time.
>
>Since childbirth, sex has been nonexistant. I'm only 30 years old, and
>am having a hard time dealing with this. My wife and I have
>been together for over ten years, six of which have been in marriage.
>We've talked about it, but nothing seems to be changing. I love my wife
>and child, but I have needs too!
>
>I have tried many times to rekindle her interest. I am pretty much
>out of ideas. Any comments or suggestions would be welcome.
>
>Thanks!
>
>Kevin

Kevin,

I don't want to be sexist in assuming the "traditional" roles (ie the wife
stays home with the baby and the husband works outside the home).  *BUT* I
hear many women (and men) say that no matter what the division of labor in the
household, a new baby is exhausting. (I've never had one, but I would assume
it's true!!!)  I know that when I go through a period when I am really
overworked, or just really exhausted, my sex drive goes *way* down.  

For a variety of reasons, then, I would suggest a weekend away - just the two
of you without baby (much as you love him).  This will give both of you a
chance to recuperate, relax, and hopefully rekindle that sex drive (and
romance) for both of you.  And give yourselves the chance to focus on each
other (and yourselves individually) again.

*Sarah*  :)
-- 
Sarah Thornburg                    | "Love that dirty water.... 
Cambridge Technology Partners      | Boston you're my home." 
sthor@ctp.com                      |
From: luden@lehigh.edu (Dean E. Nelson)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Sex After Childbirth
Date: 22 Jan 93 22:35:45 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University Computing Center

In article <1jka22$lio@spool.mu.edu> kevin@kevins.frontiertech.com writes:
>We have a 7 month old son, our first. He's happy and healthy. I've
>enjoyed almost every moment he's been with us. We tried for a long
>time, 1 year or so  so our sex life was not so great (or normal) for
>that time.
>
>Since childbirth, sex has been nonexistant. I'm only 30 years old, and
>am having a hard time dealing with this. My wife and I have
>been together for over ten years, six of which have been in marriage.
>We've talked about it, but nothing seems to be changing. I love my wife
>and child, but I have needs too!
>
>I have tried many times to rekindle her interest. I am pretty much
>out of ideas. Any comments or suggestions would be welcome.
>
>Thanks!
>
>Kevin

Is she breast-feeding?  That often creates a decreased interest in sex for
the women, both menatally and physically.  I'm sure her ob/gyn physician 
could offer suggestions as to the cause.  From my experience (3 children),
it doesn't seem terribly abnormal.

Dean
den0@lehigh
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: plarimer@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (         )
Subject: Re: Getting UP in AM!
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 14:45:29 GMT

In <1993Jan21.040325.13898@msc.cornell.edu> mcherm@msc.cornell.edu (Michael Chermside) writes:

>A number of people said "why is it your responsibility?".  Well one
>possibility (this is my case), is that I need to be at work in the
>morning, we have only one car, and the busses don't come to where we
>live.  (She once had a car too, but it died. :-( )

>-- 
>                                            --- Michael
OOps didnt see this one, well you'll have to modify my suggestion a bit.
GOOD LUCK.

Hey why not just talk to her about it in a nice way, but not in 
the morning, that was one thing I left out, I did tell my wife of
my concern to make her aware of it, this is a definate MUST.
TALK ABOUT IT.
-- 
*******************************************************************************
Yes, I know there's spelling errors, there always is.
<Plarimer@ucs.indiana.edu>
*******************************************************************************