HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ssarmast@copper.denver.colorado.edu (Sam Sarmast)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Curious?
Date: 22 Jan 93 22:56:02 GMT
Organization: University of Colorado at Denver


To tell you the truth, I find independent women very attractive. 
I don't mean some women that will be offended because I open the car
door for her or that I pay for dinner but a women that is able to
take care of herself and her own business without handholding on some
level by someone else.  I think that when both people are independent
then the relationship that forms isn't biased with one person doing 
a little more than the other.  They both will be able to devote more 
to the relationship without having to worry if the other person will
be able to survive.

sam

- what me worry?  I barely think.... Engineering school strikes again...

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: llk4k@Virginia.EDU ("Lori Karalow")
Subject: the architecture blues....
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 23:07:46 GMT

Okay, I need serious advice....
Here is the situation....I recently returned to school at the
old age of twenty-five.  I am in an undergraduate program and
am surrounded by people 3-5 years younger than myself.  (Little
time for meeting and few to meet....)  However, I met a guy who
is in the Arch. School and he has returned to school as well.
He is more my age.  SO, this meeting of the minds happened in
September.  Since then, our relationship has VERY slowly
developed and finally we have reached a point where I can count
on him to be around.  But!  It is apparent that neither one of
us loves the other and this is where the problems lies.
Because of the lack of committment to the relationship, there
is no romance, no sparks, no nothing.  It's fun and we enjoy
each other's company, but, it`s getting old fast!!!  Am I being
selfish by wanting more in a relationship?  Am I being
unreasonable by questioning my wanting to continue with him?  I
can't honestly see this blossoming and I hate myself for not
wanting to end it just for the sake of having something to do
on Friday nights and having someone around to call "mine."  I
have never had this type of relationship where I am second
fiddle.  (What's worse is there is no other woman involved.
Just the damn architecture studio!)  Even he calls it his
"Mistress."
Tell me the truth...  Am I being a whiney baby?  How 'bout
spoiled?  I haven't flown solo in a while and I don't know if I
can remember how to do so.  But I am lacking self-esteem at the
moment for allowing myself to be involved with someone who
obviously doesn't care whether I stand on my hands and clap my
feet together or two-step with a monkey!
From: 01ksdavis@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu (Rebel without a pause.)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Val's Day Gift suggestions explains "expensive gift"
Date: 22 Jan 93 20:49:53 GMT
Organization: BSU Journalism Dept.


	Well, I've thought an awful lot about what to get her for Valentine's
day, and I am taking *ALL* of your suggestions to heart.

	THat's right-I am the originator of the wha-to-get-her for Valentine's
Day thread, and the reason why I am posting is twofold.

	First and foremost, I want to thank you all for you timely and thought-
full suggestions.

	Secondly, and more important, I want to tell you more about this 
"expensive gift" I got her for X-Mas.  Bear with me, as this is important and 
Germane to the story and it saves me the trouble of emailing everybody who said
that I don't have to get her an expensive gift based on what I got her for X-Mas.

	Three years ago, shortly before X-Mas and finals week, I had bought this
gift for my then girlfriend of almost two years.  She dumped me just before
finals week, it sort of messed me up, but that's over now.

	I thought about taking it back, as I still had the receipt, and even my
folks told me that that's what I should do.  I kept the gift, because I thought
returning the gift would be symbolic of me giving up on romance, and also 
symbolic that my ex-girlfriend had wrecked me so much that I would have just 
give up totally.

	So then I met my current girlfriend, and she told me things that I never
would have thought of telling somebody so soon in a relationship.  I guess it is
because she trusts me.  So, I guess giving her the "expensive gift" was not only
symbolic of my love for her, but of the trust I have in her.

	So, that's that about the "expensive gift."  My girlfriend sometimes
frequents this group, but I don't care if she reads this or not because I love
her very much.

	Once thanks for all of your kind sauggestions.  I will try them out and
let you know how they work.
-- 
1234567890223456789032345678904234567890523456789062345678907234567890823456789?
	Kyle S. Davis		01ksdavis@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu?	R R 2 BOX 103
Disclaimer:  If anybody else has my opinions,                   Alexandria, IN
then I have been cloned while sleeping!                            46001
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: qxlrnglx@camelot.bradley.edu (Brian D. Howard)
Subject: Re: Taking SO's for granted
Organization: Bradley University
Date: 22 Jan 93 17:18:24 GMT

Paul S. Hrynko <ph2a+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:

>My SO and I have been together over a year and a half.  We are in a LDR,
>an eternal 338 miles apart.  But through all of this we've become
>closer.  We both realize that this is for real, that we were meant for
>each other.  However, recently I've been having a really fun time
>here...and my faithfulness to my SO is starting to approach the grey
>areas
>I want to know what other AR's think of physical vs. emotional
>involvement...whether if the emotional ties are strong enough in a
>relationship, if a relationship more platonic or more physical with
>someone at school is possible.  I don't know whether I have the cake and
>want to eat it too, whether I'm stupid, or whether this makes some bit
>of sense.  Sometimes people need to be held......does that make the
>person unfaithful?

I see physical and emotional involvement differently.  I have had
both, and to me they have always been different, although either can
sometimes lead to the other.

>I've always wondered................what if you develop 2 SO's....do you
>have to choose?  What if the relationships are different?

That would, I suppose, depend on the relationships.  If you tell them
that they are not the only ones, then you shouldn't have to chose.  I
think it also depends on what you are looking for.

>If one relationship is meant to be, can another develop?

You could also look at it that perhaps the relationship is meant to
be, but:
do you know when it is meant to be?
do you know what it is meant to be?

Having just gotten out of an exclusive relationship after realizing
that it wasn't what I wanted in a relationship, I have to say:

What's the point in having a cake if you can't eat it?

--
qxlrnglx@camelot.bradley.edu     ---- If you can't pronounce qxlrnglx properly,
                  you're probably better off calling me Q like everyone else...

All of my mail goes to the same place, so go ahead and send it there...
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: noring@netcom.com (Jon Noring)
Subject: Re: Advice please!!
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login: guest)
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 05:04:33 GMT

In article rtousi@ac.dal.ca writes:

>   Is it right to try and steal a girl from a boyfriend who is making her
>life miserable by his neglect, even though she still loves him. But she openly
>admits he's making her life Hell.

It's her choice as to who she wants for a boyfriend.  I say just continue
to be a friend to her and if she is attracted to you and wants to terminate
the other relationship, then that is her business.  I don't believe it is
ever possible to "steal" someone away from their SO - they do it on their
own will (though your presence may have facilitated that).  The only way
to steal somebody is to put them in chains or to coerce them to "love"
you.

I hope this answers your question.

Jon

-- 

Charter Member of the INFJ Club.

Now, if you're just dying to know what INFJ stands for, be brave, e-mail me,
and I'll send you some information.  It WILL be worth the inquiry, I think.

=============================================================================
| Jon Noring          | noring@netcom.com        | I VOTED FOR PEROT IN '92 |
| JKN International   | IP    : 192.100.81.100   | Support UNITED WE STAND! |
| 1312 Carlton Place  | Phone : (510) 294-8153   | "The dogs bark, but the  |
| Livermore, CA 94550 | V-Mail: (510) 417-4101   |  caravan moves on."      |
=============================================================================
Who are you?  Read alt.psychology.personality!  That's where the action is.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: fes9s@faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU (Howard Johnson's Got His Ho-Jo Workin')
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: the architecture blues....
Date: 27 Jan 93 01:11:35 GMT
Organization: University of Virginia

<much stuff about unbelievably dense architecture student SO
 not copied>

hm, well, Lori, it seems that your SO (is that even an appropriate
term, here?) has _already_ forced you to fly solo. no romance?
no sparks?  judging from the tone of yer post, i'd say it's already
over.  find some other friends to hang with friday night, or 
classmates, or whomever.  but if he doesn't care about the
relationship, period, except to say he's in one...well, if
i were in yer shoes i'd conclude there's nothing to go on
and just bail as gracefully as ya can.  i say gracefully because
the architecture folks i've known around here are forced
to work pretty damn hard and are quite tense, sometimes
miserable, so it's hard to gauge what will crack their world
apart and what they can survive.

in sum, if there's really nothing there, at the bottom of it...
well, do both of yourselves a service and quit dragging it out.
i just don't see anything positive coming out of it short
of a miracle (a volte-face in both attitudes to the relationship?)

Flying alone, ain't bad.  give yerself some time to get 
comfortable with it, so you can hang out with folks without the
pressure of "gotta meet somebody special or else". =)  get
involved with other friends as friends, and other activities.
the healthier ya are, the healthier the next relationship
will be...

good luck, hope things work out _somehow_. =)

cheers,
frank
--
"I'm shooting pool, Fats.  When I miss--*then* you can shoot."
                               --"Fast Eddie" Felson
"Be sure to leave your underpants with someone you can trust."
                               -- Jethro Tull                     
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: rlshuck@expert.cc.purdue.edu (Robert L. Shuck)
Subject: Re: Polyamory again (was Re: last night...)
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 05:29:48 GMT

I have a real problem.  I get depressed really easily and my girlfriend
lives in a state 1000 miles away.  She says she is not sure that she
can be "faithful" to me, and I am worried about her meeting another guy and 
him treating her badly.  The only way that I know for sure she is respected
is if I am the only one.  I have been in love (deep!!!) for five years now.
To lose her now because she doubts my pyschological strength would destroy 
me emotional, physically, and mentally.  I do not know if I would be able
to survive without her.  She means everything to me.  I....need advice.
Thank you.
From: cs64wag@sdcc8.ucsd.edu (Jeremy Friesner)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Princess Bride ... AGAIN!
Date: 21 Jan 93 22:42:11 GMT
Organization: University of California, San Diego

Everybody's been talking about how Princess Bride is
a really romantic movie, but... in the later sections
, after Wesley has returned from being the "dread
pirate Roberts", he seems really aloof and condescending
towards the princess.  That doesn't seem romantic at
all!

Jeremy
-- 
|~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
|3k!///  "If you never have the time, never get to see cloud 9,   |
\\\///  there's a place where you can wait, on cloud 8."  -FC     |
|\XX/_____________________________________________________________|
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: chavis@thumper..bellcore.com (Dennis Chavis)
Subject: Re: Any cure for the "Just wanna be friends" Blues?
Reply-To: chavis@thumper.UUCP (Dennis Chavis)
Organization: Bellcore MRE
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 93 16:46:38 GMT

In article <20JAN199322124752@pavo.concordia.ca> f_alfan@pavo.concordia.ca (Doom, Herald Of the Apocalypse) writes:
>Sorry to bring a down note into your lives, folks...BUT
>
>Neil Diamond's music aside, what's a good way to get rid of the "Just
>Wanna Be Friends" (tm) Blues? I just got this line for the 35th time, so
>I'm not eactly a chipper camper anymore. Any suggestions?
>
>A question for you gals out there:
>
>If a man acts in a friendly, supportive, and "non-threatening" (ie: does not
>come onto you like a horny beast from hell) manner are you prone to ignore them 
>as a potential candidate for romance? Is this a common thing, or is it just me?
>Being a hopeless romantic at heart (but being rather pessimistic as well) I'd
>like for once to think that at some point, my being a (IMHO) gentleman-like,
>helpful and caring kind of person will get the opposite gender to view me
>as somethying other than a one-man support group and convenience store. Don't
>get me wrong, I like to help, but I dont want my emotions flying away towards
>women who cant see me for what I am. (A git without a life ;) )
>
>Anyways, I apologize for bringing up a subject which has most likely been
>brought up before, so please no flames. I feel bad enough as is.
>
>                               Even Nerds need love too :)
>                                            --Fab
>
>
>

Dude I know that song all to well.  And it sucks.
Being a former college wrestler and presently a musician and an actor,
I don't think I am a "nerd" but then again maybe I'm wrong.  
At any rate you have my deepest sympathy it sucks.  
That "F" word is no longer in my vocabulary, the minute I hear it I am 
out the door.  (I know I will get flamed for that one, I don't care anymore
                I have enough friends)
Let them see how it is when the "convenience store/one-man support group"
is closed for business.   Then you'll probably be scum, but a least you'll
see it coming.  

Alright I'm finished let the flames begin.



				My shoulders are water logged
					--Dennis
Organization: University of Maine System
Date: Saturday, 23 Jan 1993 18:02:28 EST
From: Anthony J. Albert <IO00038@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: _The Battle Hymn of Love_


     I recently acquired Kathy Mattea's album _Untasted
Honey_.  On that album is one of the most romantic songs I
know.  I take the liberty of reproducing it here, at least
the lyrics.

     Enjoy!

-Tony


======================================================================
Anthony J. Albert          ||           ajalbert@watson.eece.maine.edu
                           ||(alternate)       io00038@maine.maine.edu
======================================================================
"You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you."
  "You seem a decent fellow, I hate to die."       -The Princess Bride
======================================================================




_The Battle Hymm of Love_


written by Don Schlitz and Paul Overstreet

performed by Kathy Mattea and Tim O'Brian



I will pledge my heart
To the love we share
Through the good and bad times too
I'll forsake my rest
For your happiness
'Til my death I will stand by you

Chorus:
     With God as my witness
     This vow I will make
     To have and to hold you
     No other to take
     For rich or for poor
     Under skies grey or blue
     'Til my death I will stand by you

There are wars and there are rumors
Of wars yet to come
Temptations we'll have to walk through
Though others may tremble
I will not run
'Til my death I will stand by you

Bridge:
     I will put on the armor of faithfulness
     To fight for a heart that is true
     'Til the battle is won, I will not rest
     'Til my death I will stand by you

Chorus:
     With God as my witness
     This vow I will make
     To have and to hold you
     No other to take
     For rich or for poor
     Under skies grey or blue
     'Til my death I will stand by you

Tag:
     'Til the battle is won
     I will not run
     'Til my death I will stand by you

<fin>
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.romance.chat
From: ssalter@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (-=[SLS]=-)
Subject: Re: I'm baaaaaack.
Keywords: I was here before, I am here again. 
Organization: OFSA
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 13:42:29 GMT


hi beaker!!! *wave wave* long time no talk!!! welcome back!
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: wedding gift for my betrothed???
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 93 00:31:03 GMT

In article <1993Jan26.154917.22887@walter.cray.com> laser@buckwheat.cray.com (Catherine Hartman  {68387 CF/DEV}) writes:
>
>
>Do any of you wonderfully romantic people have any ideas of what I 
>could give to my incredibly NON-sappy fiance as a wedding gift?
>
Well, things with extrinsic worth (high dollar value, practical, just
what he needed) are not particularly romantic. I would suggest that you
want to give him something that is durable, but will remind him of you.
A souvenir, a memento, a photo, a plaque with a favorite quote, that
sort of thing. It would be best if it reminds him of a particular time
with you that he already has fond memories of.

Don't worry about giving a sappy gift to a non-sappy person, if it is
coming from you he will see it as representing you, not him.

Peace,
Michael.
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Ok, How Strong Should A WOMAN be???!!??
Keywords: if you sleep on the floor, you can't fall out of bed...
Date: 21 Jan 93 18:25:24 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <105808@netnews.upenn.edu> crawford@ben.dev.upenn.edu (Lauren L. Crawford) writes:
>In article <C128zv.Ey6@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu> sedenome@cayley.uwaterloo.ca (Banger) writes:
>>I guess what it boils down to is that it's my opinion that men generally keep
>>things bottled up and don't wear their hearts on their sleeves, and I believe
>>that it's much more difficult to keep quiet about a problem than to complain
>>about it.
>
>Really depends on the person.  I, for one, have always found it *much*
>easier and safer to keep quiet about personal pain and difficulty than to
>do the very scary and vulnerable thing of talking about it to another
>human being.  This is changing, but slowly.  Generalizations like yours are
>for the birds.
>
I agree with Lauren. I don't think it is necessarily easier to hide your 
emotions, or to show them. It depends on the person and the situation.
Generally, what is hard is whatever you are not used to doing. I am a 
heart-on-the-sleeve type, but still I find it hard to show my emotions
in some situations, for instance saying 'I love you' for the first time.

I tend to get involved with women who are my opposite: they hide their
feelings inside their emotional armor, don't want to be pinned down or
commit. I don't see this a strength or a weakness, but just a different
way of being that is a little more isolated and self-sufficient. I don't
think generalizations about men and women help much when about a third
of the men and women defy the generalization. What is important is the
way you are and the way whoever you are dealing with is.

Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Curious?
From: jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu (jason 'Think!' steiner)
Date: 21 Jan 93 19:55:19 EST
Distribution: world
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4

ap.6575@cupid.sai.com (AJ) writes:
> 
> How many men are intimidated by extremely independent women?

too many?

> I am very independent, however maintain my femininity, but
> I keep meeting men with low self-confidence/esteem who have
> a problem with my independence and very direct, open approach
> to everything in life.  When I do have a SO, I give 100% to the
> relationship while maintaining my independence.    

congratulations. independent women are rare.

> Advise or comments at all will be appreciated.  Thanks in advance.

advice? it sounds like you've got the right idea already. if you
were implying "How do I find someone who's not insecure?" then
my advice is just to keep looking.

look for someone who's confident enough not to really care what
other people think of him, but thinks well of other people. that
may not be the kind of thing you can notice right away, so take
time to make some close friends & find out what they're really
like. you're searching for something that's not exactly common,
so don't be too surprised when it's difficult to find.

good luck, best wishes.

jason

--
             I stood up on my van. I yelled "Excuse me, sir. 
                  Ain't nothing wrong with this country 
                that a few plastic explosives won't cure!"
              - Steve Taylor, I Blew Up the Clinic Real Good
`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,` jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu ,`,`,`
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Possible FAQs (Was: Re: Girls can be confusing...)
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 93 19:15:30 GMT

In article <1k3gp2INNr7o@bHARs12c.bnr.co.uk> dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
>In article <_-l3!w#@rpi.edu> petitc@vccsouth04.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes:
>>  That reminds me---what would people like to see in the FAQ (I'll compile
>>one we can post weekly or monthly)?
>>
>>  o Why Women Choose Jerks Over Nice Guys
>>  o What to do if a woman flirts off and on
>
>- Why do men choose bimbos over Nice Women?
>- What to do when he (or she) doesn't call and promised to?
>- When is it Mr/Mrs Right?
>- I keep getting "I love you like a brother, but..." (or something like it)
>- Whenever I try to turn friendships into romances, I get burned...
>- No one loves me, why? (And I'm a Nice Guy, too.)
>- I can't get dates, what do I do? 
>- I believe in love and romance, how can I be cured? ;-)
>
Some more questions that have come up from time to time:

   o How do I tell when it's really love?
   o How do I tell if some likes me? 
   o Can you be in love with two people?
   o How do I meet new people?
   o My last SO was a nightmare. How do I forget him/her?
   o My (random relative) can't stand/doesn't approve of/badmouths my SO.
   o How do I keep my Long Distance Romance (LDR) going?
   o My SO wants to see an old flame so she/he can get it out of her/his
     system, what do I do?
   o The girl/guy I am interested in is dating someone else, what should
     I do?
   o What to do on the first date?
   o What to do on a romantic date?
   o My SO doesn't like touching very much, but I do. How can I make
     things better? What if the situation is reversed?
   o How do I get my guy to do romantic things without prompting?
   o I am shy. How do I talk to the girl/guy I am interested?
   o The girl/guy I am interested in is shy. How do I communicate
     with her/him?
   o There's an age/race/religion difference between me and my SO.
     Should I be worried?



A FAQ posting might be a good idea, but wouldn't you need at least two 
answers for each question, one from 'Pollyanna' and one from 'Mr. Toad'?
We usually get at least two schools of thought on each question, the
romantic and the cynical.

Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: I'm sorr but a test
From: senrab@telerama.pgh.pa.us (senrab ekvin)
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 03:00:58 GMT
Organization: Telerama
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]


test sorry