HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: kwaldman@bbn.com
Newsgroups: misc.misc
Subject: news filters
Date: 14 Apr 1992 17:59:10 GMT
Organization: bbn
Distribution: usa
Reply-To: kwaldman@bbn.com
NNTP-Posting-Host: 192.1.7.98

	Does anyone know of any news filters out there.  I find usenet has
lots of conversation that I have am not interested in following but
every once in awhile there are priceless gems I would prefer not to miss. 
(IMHO, of course).  As I am extremely limited on time, this would allow
me the best of both worlds.
	Is there any program out there that will allow me to tell it
categories, words, ideas, topics, names that I am interested in and
filter the various news groups (either all or individually) so that
I can read the ones I am interested in?  
	Please reply to me if you can at 
		kwaldman@bbn.com

	also feel free to cross post this message to other lists that
may be more appropriate.

	Thanks in advance 

	Karl M. Waldman

BBN Systems and Technologies
From: ez001099@hamlet.ucdavis.edu ('Louie Louie')
Newsgroups: misc.misc
Subject: Re: MAKE A WISH COME TRUE    ---<< VERY IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ >>---
Date: 6 Apr 92 08:54:27 GMT
Organization: Castilian LRC, Student Housing, UC Davis

Please DO NOT send any business cards or letters until you
have confirmed that they are still accepting them.  I have good
reason to believe that they are not longer receiving business
cards nor letters in this matter, and that the Guiness people
have cancelled this catagory to prevent future uncontrollable
amounts of mail.

Perhaps someone can get get word directly from the Make a
Wish Foundation (must be current info, of course) and then
confirm or deny this message on the net.  I will also appreciate
an e-mail message to clear this matter up.  Thankyou.

Sincerely,
Louie
ez001099@hamlet.ucdavis.edu
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
From: michaelc@oz.plymouth.edu (Mike Clark)
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Reply-To: michaelc@oz.plymouth.edu (Mike Clark)
Organization: Plymouth State College - Plymouth, N.H.
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 92 12:57:30 GMT

I have heard people comment about Frank Purdue and his "It takes a
tough man to make a tender chicken" ads, and I have heard people talk
about Wnedy's father Dave Thomas doing his ads, they all seem to say
that this is good advertising.  I HAVE NEVER heard anyone say "Gosh
that Cathy Rigby sure does skate good during her heavy flow"

Xref: sparky misc.misc:2422 rec.humor:16279
From: andy@access.digex.com (Andrew M Cohn)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Date: 11 Apr 92 11:15:16 GMT
Organization: Express Access Online Communications, Greenbelt, Maryland USA

In article <ku6e2vINNbbv@male.EBay.Sun.COM> jheris@work2.EBay.Sun.COM (Jheri Birchett) writes:
>In article <1992Apr8.041535.25261@decwrl.dec.com> shedevil@vix.com (Anne P. Mitchell) writes:
>>*The tampon commercial where the woman says "It's not your mother's tampon."You
>>*damned skippy it ain't.....!!!! Who would want their mother's tampon anyway?
>>
>>Ever seen the ads for Massengill Natural Vinegar & Water Douche?...
>>
>>Ever seen Stayfree Mini & Maxi Pads with Baking Soda?...
>>
>>Need I say more?
>>
>
>Have you ever wondered why in a toothpaste commercial they show
>a person brushing their teeth, and in a shampoo commercial they
>show someone washing their hair....... But in a tampon commercial
>they show a woman playing tennis?????????????
>
>
>       said by a comedian that I cannot remember....
>
 
As marketing assistant for a company that makes those little strings
used by tampon manufacturers, I can respond to this question with some
degree of authority. The white shorts and strenuous exercise typical
of tennis represent the perfect illustration for marketing tampons, and
demonstrating that any given tampon product will provide the necessary
comfort and security to its user. Unlike toothpaste and shampoo,
tampons do not represent a "grooming" product as such, and thus there
is no need to graphically portray their installation, wearing, or
removal. Furthermore, many people misunderstand the copy in the tampon
commercial that states, "It's not your mother's tampon". The ad agency
did not mean to imply that the daughter is not wearing her mother's soiled
tampon, but rather, that the brand she IS wearing (or should wear) is
a significant improvement over the general quality of tampon worn by
the previous generation of women. Personally, I get annoyed at
unnecessary "media-bashing"; not all the time, just periodically.
 
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
From: ara@wam.umd.edu (Ford Prefect)
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Organization: University of Maryland at College Park
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 02:49:48 GMT

q: What do vampires use for tea bags ?



a: Used Tampons

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggg, ooooooooooooooooooh, sick sick sick
-ara

Xref: sparky misc.misc:2379 alt.atheism:8011
From: BRUCE@LIVERPOOL.AC.UK
Newsgroups: misc.misc,alt.atheism
Subject: Re: need help with wedding plans
Date: 7 Apr 92 11:03:54 GMT
Organization: University of Liverpool

Re: Churches without creed

You might try the Quakers too (Society of Friends).  My parents got married
in a Quaker meeting house, and apparently the requirements are fairly minimal,
in the way of belief.  You also get the benefit that you don't need to be
married *by* someone---you marry each other.  Quakers don't have ministers.
--
Bruce Stephens, Centre for Mathematical Software Research
University of Liverpool, UK.  bruce@uxb.liverpool.ac.uk
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2444 rec.humor:16406
From: monson@diablo.amd.com (Steve Monson)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Date: 14 Apr 92 14:38:21 GMT
Organization: Advanced Micro Devices, Inc., Austin, TX

The tampon-string marketing poster writes seriously about tampons:
>|>                                  Personally, I get annoyed at
>|>unnecessary "media-bashing"; not all the time, just periodically.
                                                       ^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey, good one! I get it.
-- monson@diablo.amd.com
	The tide gone out for good
	Thirty-one words for seaweed		"The Death of Irish"
	Whiten on the foreshore.		by Arden Carl Mathew
From: dave@compnect.UUCP (Dave Ratcliffe)
Newsgroups: misc.misc
Subject: Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK
Summary: Get real.... THINK about that..
Date: 6 Apr 92 21:27:15 GMT
Organization: Compnect, Harrisburg, Pa.

In article <tzxtb0k@rpi.edu>, sigma@sun.ipl.rpi.edu (Kevin Martin) writes:
> The recipient of the Golden Raspberry is once again AT&T, for this classic
> little gem which started playing recently.
> 
> Young lady is on the phone with some anonymous friend, yakking on about how
> awful it was while she was with MCI (unspecified but obvious) for long
> distance service.  And then she has these clueless comments:
> 
> "And then they wanted the names and numbers of my friends and family.  I
> don't want to give that out!"
> 
> I guess she thinks her LONG DISTANCE CARRIER has no clue about who she
> calls anyway.  Gee, better not tell them who your friends and family are,
> or they might realize those people have phones too...

MAYBE she doesn't want some idjit telemarketer from MCI calling her
relatives and friends to pester THEM into switching their LD service. 

Think about this now. Her LD carrier MAY know who she calls but that
doesn't mean a damn thing with the MCI friends and family program. The
LD carrier doesn't know who is and who isn't a friend or family member
and thus eligable for the program. 

Besides, your raspberry is misplaced. AT&T gets it for hiring chimps for
camera operators. Wish they'd hire humans again who can hold the damn
camera steady. :)

Runner up award ALSO goes to AT&T for the commercials with people
extolling the virtues of AT&T service. You know the ones where the
person doing the talking is in one corner of the picture and the rest of
the scene is taken up by 'attractive background scenery'? 

BTW, MCI and Sprint have their own share of clunker commercials. 

--
 Dave Ratcliffe (SysAdmin)           The Data Factory BBS  Harrisburg  Pa. 
 dave@compnect.uucp                      (717)657-4997  (717)657-4992
 compnect!dave@uunet.UU.NET                       Login: tdf
 eds1!compnect!dave@psuvax1.uucp           3/12/24/9600 Telebit PEP
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
From: root@-?.Berkeley.EDU (0000-Admin(0000))
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Reply-To: root@-?.Berkeley.EDU (0000-Admin(0000))
Organization: MOTOROLA 
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 02:58:48 GMT


|>As marketing assistant for a company that makes those little strings
|>used by tampon manufacturers, I can respond to this question with some
|>degree of authority. The white shorts and strenuous exercise typical
|>of tennis represent the perfect illustration for marketing tampons, and
|>demonstrating that any given tampon product will provide the necessary
|>comfort and security to its user. Unlike toothpaste and shampoo,
|>tampons do not represent a "grooming" product as such, and thus there
|>is no need to graphically portray their installation, wearing, or
|>removal. Furthermore, many people misunderstand the copy in the tampon
|>commercial that states, "It's not your mother's tampon". The ad agency
|>did not mean to imply that the daughter is not wearing her mother's soiled
|>tampon, but rather, that the brand she IS wearing (or should wear) is
|>a significant improvement over the general quality of tampon worn by
|>the previous generation of women. Personally, I get annoyed at
|>unnecessary "media-bashing"; not all the time, just periodically.
|> 
                                     
We knew all that! But you have to admit that if you're going to advertise
these types of products you had better be prepared for the humor that goes
along with it. Not that this is the forum for this, but I don't see why I
must be subjected to ads (TV at least) for these products. I don't use them,
I don't want to know how absorbent they are. I don't want to know how
confident I'll feel. And I am sick to death of your euphamisms such as the
blue liquid and the terms, "wetness", "accident", etc. We all know these
products exist. The people that use them are aware of them and know where
to buy them. Since you are a marketing assistant in this area, perhaps it
is time you did some market surveys to determine the impact of your 
commercials on the public. The puns in this forum are a good place to start
in understanding how people feel about these items.

Thanks for listening.
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
From: csmith@onetouch.COM (Craig Smith)
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Organization: MCS/OneTouch, Inc.
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 92 00:05:11 GMT

>As marketing assistant for a company that makes those little strings
>used by tampon manufacturers, I can respond to this question with some
>degree of authority. The white shorts and strenuous exercise typical
>of tennis represent the perfect illustration for marketing tampons, and
>demonstrating that any given tampon product will provide the necessary
>comfort and security to its user. Unlike toothpaste and shampoo,
>tampons do not represent a "grooming" product as such, and thus there
>is no need to graphically portray their installation, wearing, or
>removal. Furthermore, many people misunderstand the copy in the tampon
>commercial that states, "It's not your mother's tampon". The ad agency
>did not mean to imply that the daughter is not wearing her mother's soiled
>tampon, but rather, that the brand she IS wearing (or should wear) is
>a significant improvement over the general quality of tampon worn by
>the previous generation of women. Personally, I get annoyed at
>unnecessary "media-bashing"; not all the time, just periodically.
> 

You're a marketing assistant?

For a company that makes tampon strings?

THERE HE IS,BOYS!!!!!! LET'S GET 'IM!!!!!

-- 
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Craig Smith                                         csmith@onetouch.COM ::
:: Columbus, OH                                  ...!uunet!onetouch!csmith ::
::::::::::::::: "Life is a fulltime occupation."--Gene Kalman :::::::::::::::
From: dant@logos.wr.tek.com (Dan Tilque)
Newsgroups: misc.misc
Subject: Re: Way to end the Shergold fiasco
Date: 13 Apr 92 20:37:39 GMT
Organization: Upper Left Coast Liberation Army

horne-scott@CS.YALE.EDU (Scott Horne) writes:
>After all this time, why haven't post offices the world over (or at least
>the one in England that handles all those damn postcards) learned to send
>Craig Shergold's mail to the dead-letter office--or at least return it to
>the senders?

I saw a report on TV once about how the Shergold mail is handled at the
hospital.  They've hired a couple of people to open all the envelopes.
Any donations are kept and everything else is shipped off to a
recycler.  The donations pay the wages of the letter openers, and I
think any surplus goes to the hospital.  Toys and other presents are
donated to some good cause.

I heard last summer that the total cards was at about 33 million.

---
Dan Tilque	--	dant@logos.WR.TEK.COM
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2373 alt.atheism:7976
From: goehring@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Scott Goehring)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,alt.atheism
Subject: Re: need help with wedding plans
Date: 6 Apr 92 23:07:48 GMT
	<1992Apr1.174748.3308@sbcs.sunysb.edu> <3445@moscom.UUCP>
Reply-To: goehring@mentor.cc.purdue.edu
Followup-To: misc.misc
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center

de@moscom.UUCP (David Esan) writes:

>The idea of requiring someone to tell you that you are married (By
>the power invested in me by the state of ...) admits that someone has
>this power, and that power to sanctify your marriage flows from God
>to the ruler to the minister to you.  If you don't believe in that
>flow, why go with it?

Bingo.  The main reason my wife and I got married (by a judge, with
the minimum number of witnesses, by the way) was because it provided
us with a number of financial and legal benefits.  I was rather
annoyed at the implication that I had to ask the permission of the
government in order to get married; as far as I'm concerned, we should
have been able to merely declare it so and it would be so.  Of course,
I also favor disposing of adultery as a criminal offense (it should be
at most breach of civil contract), permitting multiple, same-sex, and
group marriages, and restructuring the tax code etc. to eliminate the
various incentives to marry.  In general, marriage should have nothing
to do with law, in my opinion.
--
I'm for a different form of government than we have now. One I'm particularly
fond of is detailed in the U.S. Constitution. It'd be great if we had one like
that.
	-- Alan M. Carroll (carroll@cs.uiuc.edu), alt.politics.correct
From: stevedc@syma.sussex.ac.uk (Stephen Carter)
Newsgroups: misc.misc
Subject: Re: Way to end the Shergold fiasco
Date: 15 Apr 92 07:11:48 GMT
Organization: University of Sussex

From article <1992Apr13.141802.11071@cs.yale.edu>, by horne-scott@CS.YALE.EDU (Scott Horne):
> After all this time, why haven't post offices the world over (or at least
> the one in England that handles all those damn postcards) learned to send
> Craig Shergold's mail to the dead-letter office--or at least return it to
> the senders?
> 

Um, what about the people who really want to write to Craig?  His
school friends, the other members of this football team, people who
(sadly) have to send his folk bills for (eg) Water, phone
electricity...?

Stephen Carter, Systems Manager, The Administration,
The University of Sussex, Falmer, Brighton BN1 9RH, UK
Tel: +44 273 678203  Fax: +44 273 678335     JANET: stevedc@uk.ac.sussex.syma
EARN/BITNET  : stevedc@syma.sussex.ac.uk      UUCP: stevedc@syma.uucp
ARPA/INTERNET: stevedc%syma.sussex.ac.uk@nsfnet-relay.ac.uk 
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2396 rec.humor:16027
From: axd7104@acfcluster.nyu.edu
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Subject: Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK
Date: 9 Apr 92 01:04:31 GMT
Organization: New York University

> 
> Whenever a waitress, clerk, or anyone else asks for a phone number with my
> credit card, I just make one up.  None of their damn business.

Asking for a phone number with a credit card is completely illegal under
federal law, mainly because those numbers aren't used for security, but
rather for phone solicitations.  If you're in a restaurant, just tell
them to go screw themselves.  What other choice are they gonna have,
let you walk out without paying?  And if they're really anal about it,
then turn them in and have some fun.

-- 
Aaron Dickey                      Bitnet: axd7104@nyuacf
New York University             Internet: axd7104@ACFcluster.nyu.edu

Al Roker Is God.
Newsgroups: misc.misc
From: horne-scott@CS.YALE.EDU (Scott Horne)
Subject: Way to end the Shergold fiasco
Organization: Computer "Science" Dept, Yale University
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 14:18:02 GMT

After all this time, why haven't post offices the world over (or at least
the one in England that handles all those damn postcards) learned to send
Craig Shergold's mail to the dead-letter office--or at least return it to
the senders?

					--Scott

-- 
Scott Horne                               ...!{harvard,cmcl2,decvax}!yale!horne
horne@cs.Yale.edu      SnailMail:  Box 7196 Yale Station, New Haven, CT   06520
203 436-1848                Residence:  Rm 1848 Silliman College, New Haven, CT
Shao2shan1 sheng1 de tai4yang2 yong3 bu2 luo4!
From: jeffj@ultra.com (Jeff Johnson)
Subject: Re: help me answer a friends question
Reply-To: jeffj@ultra.com (Jeff Johnson)
Organization: Ultra Network Technologies
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 92 00:27:25 GMT

In article <9204161259.aa28886@Bonnie.ics.uci.edu> mmcguire@Bonnie.ICS.UCI.EDU writes:
=>Hey all,
=>
=>One of my less intelligent friends picked up my book on operating systems and
=>started thumbing through it.  When he came to a part of the book that talked
=>about a number of processes "being scheduled for execution by the processor,"
=>he said the following:
=>
=>     Nasty!  I wonder how they kill people with this processor thingy!
=>
=>I sat there puzzled.  Then he added:
=>
=>     And what is this doing in your computer book?!?
=>
=>I realized what he was refering to when he pointed out the section in the book
=>to me.  Off the top of my head I said:
=>
=>     Oh!  They just use the computer to "schedule" the executions.
=>
=>His reply was:
=>
=>     Makes sense, but what does the processor look like?
=>
=>I told him that I wasn't sure, but that I would ask in discussion.  Can anybody
=>help me come up with a good description of this "processor" that is used in
=>executions.
=>
=>
=>Mike
=>Late again -- gotta go

Just show him those Intel 486 comercials on the tube.  explain that the
sparks are used to power the electric chair.
-- 
    Jeff Johnson    | Ultra Network Technologies | voice: (408) 922-0100 x284
  jeffj@ultra.com   |     101 Daggett Drive      |   fax: (408) 433-9287
...ames!ultra!jeffj |    San Jose, CA  95134     |   sex: (900) 976-4825
 The difference between ignorance and apathy?  I don't know and I don't care
Newsgroups: misc.misc
From: ray@pepsi.com
Subject: uh-huh
Originator: johna@tigger
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 00:51:12 GMT

"Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of
 tapes hurtling down the highway."
   --- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
       _Computer_Networks_, Second Edition
       p. 57
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
From: jeffj@ultra.com (Jeff Johnson)
Subject: Douchebag joke (was Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK))
Reply-To: jeffj@ultra.com (Jeff Johnson)
Organization: Ultra Network Technologies
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 92 00:12:58 GMT

In article <1992Apr8.041535.25261@decwrl.dec.com> shedevil@vix.com (Anne P. Mitchell) writes:
=>In a recent missive cleo@cheshire.oxy.edu (Cleopatra) tells us:
=>
=>*First runner-up...
=>*
=>*The tampon commercial where the woman says "It's not your mother's tampon."You
=>*damned skippy it ain't.....!!!! Who would want their mother's tampon anyway?
=>
=>
=>Ever seen the ads for Massengill Natural Vinegar & Water Douche?...
=>
=>Ever seen Stayfree Mini & Maxi Pads with Baking Soda?...
=>
=>Need I say more?

This guy goes into a nightclub and walks up to the bar.

"I'd like a shot of whiskey," he tells the bartender, "and I'd like to buy a
drink for that douchebag at the end of the bar."

"Sir," replied the bartender, "you can't go around talking about womwn like
that.  Would you care to rephrase your request?"

"OK," replied the guy, "I'll have a shot of whiskey, and I'd like to buy that
*nice, young lady* at the end of the bar a drink."

"That's better," replied the bartender, who pours the shot, and then goes to
the other end of the bar.  "Excuse me, ma'am, but the gentleman at the other
end of the bar has purchased a drink for you.  What would you like?"

"A vinegar and water"
-- 
    Jeff Johnson    | Ultra Network Technologies | voice: (408) 922-0100 x284
  jeffj@ultra.com   |     101 Daggett Drive      |   fax: (408) 433-9287
...ames!ultra!jeffj |    San Jose, CA  95134     |   sex: (900) 976-4825
 The difference between ignorance and apathy?  I don't know and I don't care
From: gareth@comp.lancs.ac.uk (Gareth Husk)
Newsgroups: misc.misc
Subject: Re: Way to end the Shergold fiasco
Date: 14 Apr 92 15:53:55 GMT
Organization: Department of Computing at Lancaster University, UK.

In article <9455@wrgate.wr.tek.com> dant@logos.wr.tek.com (Dan Tilque) writes:
>horne-scott@CS.YALE.EDU (Scott Horne) writes:
>>After all this time, why haven't post offices the world over (or at least
>>the one in England that handles all those damn postcards) learned to send
>>Craig Shergold's mail to the dead-letter office--or at least return it to
>>the senders?
>
>I saw a report on TV once about how the Shergold mail is handled at the
>hospital.  They've hired a couple of people to open all the envelopes.
>Any donations are kept and everything else is shipped off to a
>recycler.  The donations pay the wages of the letter openers, and I
>think any surplus goes to the hospital.  Toys and other presents are
>donated to some good cause.
>
>I heard last summer that the total cards was at about 33 million.
>
>---
>Dan Tilque	--	dant@logos.WR.TEK.COM

Last week Radio 4 (BBC serious channel) carried an article
on the Shergold story. They have tried to kill the thing many times
Craig is the only person/organisation  in the UK to rate their own
computer in the UK mail system. The family lose their mail in the morass
of mail and so all of it has to be openned and checked so that the 
real mail is not lost. As his mother said they haven't seen the phone
bill yet.

In addition the royal mail employs extra staff solely to  process this this junk
To open it they use the local hospital, the church as well as the family
then to top it all off the whole lot is shredded as the  family do not want 
all the names on the business cards to end up as some vast mailing list 
that could possibly perpetuate the whole bizarre episode.

Talking to my partner about it she says they try  to kill the business
cards thing about four times a week as  the request for cards gets sent to 
them as the regional office of Woolworths. I think that this thing is 
probably a job for UNESCO/WHO/UNICEF and a massive campaign to 
eradicate chain letters from the planet. Personally I think that
they stand as much chance as they have had with malaria.

In addition there are two rogue chain letters out there trying to 
raise money for Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital in London
on is for a neo-natal unit and the other is for research.
According to the Independent this week they have raised the money
and donors are annoyed to discover that the money will not be used
for the stated task. Great Ormond Street want the things killed because
they are indiscriminate and annoy donors who receive the same letters
multiple times. They fear that this will lead to donor fatigue when they
really do want to raise more money.
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2449 rec.humor:16429