From: hsu_wh@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu (William H Hsu)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: The ALL NEW! (tm) Nethackerisms I
Date: 22 Jan 1993 22:20:34 -0500
Organization: Homewood Academic Computing, Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, Md, USA
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu

The *ALL NEW!* Nethackerisms (tm) by William the CS Undergraduate
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d. an blessed self-extracting scroll of handwaving resistance
What do you want to read? [d or ?*] d
As you read, the runes on the page magically arrange themselves! --more--
You feel skeptical!
The orc shaman casts a spell... --more--
You point out a theoretical error in the orc shaman's research. --more--
THe orc shaman is destroyed!
*|/////|====================-
What do you wish to engrave with? [-abc or ?*] ?
a. a blessed +4 Sun workstation named rhombus (weapon in hand)
b. a blessed +2 high-speed modem named Forval
c. an uncursed high-density 3.5" floppy disk
What do you wish to engrave with? [-abc or ?*] b
You write in the dust with a blessed +2 high-speed modem named Forval. --more--
What do you want to write? Shannon
The data decompressor lord appears afraid! --more--
The grid bug appears afraid!
*|/////|====================-
What do you wish to engrave with? [-abc or ?*] c
You write in the dust with an uncursed high-density 3.5" floppy disk. --more--
What do you want to write? Penrose
The emperor lich appears confused.
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k. a blindfold (being worn)
l. an uncursed mirror
o. an uncursed lock pick
p. a Sound Blaster (10)
Apply what? [klop or ?*] p
You blow into the Sound Blaster. --more--
A sonic blast is emitted! --more--
You destroy the xorn!
Apply what? [klop or ?*] l
Which direction? .
You have the feeling that powerful CS professors are all around you.
*|/////|====================-
f. a brown potion
g. a potion of Gevalia Kaffe
Drink what? [fg or ?*] f
This makes you feel great! Call a brown potion: JOLT
Drink what? [g or ?*] g
You feel a sudden urge to play chess. --more--
The caffeine overdose wreaks havoc with your nervous system! --more--
You hear the wailing of the Banshee...
*|/////|====================-
There is a LALR parser corpse here; tin it? y
i. a blessed tin of LEX-YACCs
Eat what? [i or ?*] i
The tin opens like magic! --more--
It smells like LALR parsers. Eat it? y
Your expressions become regular.
*|/////|====================-
Danforth hits! --more--
Your economic future is uncertain... --more--
The U.S. economy seems to be moving slower.
You hit Danforth. --more--
Your hands stop glowing blue. --more--
Danforth is already confused.
You destroy Danforth!
...
i. a fortune cookie
j. 3 food rations
k. a potatoe
l. a +3 SyQuest removable disk named Media Elite (88)
m. a scroll titled "seulav ylimaf"
Read what [m or ?*] m
Thinking of Murphy Brown you forget all else.
*|/////|====================-
k. a tripe ration
Eat what [k or ?*] k
The tripe ration tasted like quails! --more--
You finish eating the tripe ration.
You vomit! --more--
You are getting weak from hunger... --more--		d..
You have attracted a Japanese dignitary!		.@@<= Miyazawa
Talk to whom? [l]					...
Miyazawa asks whether you would like some more squid.
Millie bites Miyazawa! --more--
Miyazawa gets angry! --more--				%@.
Miyazawa swings his katana at Millie. --more--		.@.<= George the 
Miyazawa destroys Millie!				...	Ronin (*)
You have a strange feeling in your thyroid gland, but then it passes.
(*) Editor's note: Recall that a ronin of feudal Japan practices _Bushido_.
*|/////|====================-
Talk to whom? [h]					...
Dave mentions that he has dropped Numerical Analysis.	@@.
You hit Dave! --more--					...
Dave gets angry! --more--
Dave hits! Dave hits! --more--
You hear the howling of the CwnAnnwyn... --more--
What do you wish to engrave with? [-abc or ?*] u
You write in the dust with a blessed spellbook of PLT. --more--
What do you want to write? Good luck in the rest of your courses, hahahaHAHAHA!
Dave looks confused. --more--
Dave wanders off, muttering about how much work he has to do.
*|/////|====================-
Escher hits!
A trap door opens up under you! --more--
You arrive on the same level.
*|/////|====================-
Leonhard casts a spell! --more--
You real...
Leonhard summons a floating eye! --more-- (*)
Leonhard summons an imp! --more--
Leonhard hurls a cream pi! --more--
You are hit by a cream pi! --more--	..i..
You can't see! --more--			.e@.@ <- you
You feel like nothing. --more--		.....
You die...
(*) Editor's note: Recall that floating eyes and imps were familiars of the
great wizard Leonhard (Euler).
	Editor's note to non-mathematicians: This is an $e^{i\pi} = 0$ joke.
*|/////|====================-
Talk to whom? [k]
Roger asks how you feel today. --more--
You say: What would it mean to you if you found out how I feel today?
Roger cries "You impostor!" --more--
Roger gets angry! --more--			Roger->	Q..
Roger hits! --more--				you->   @ .<- ghost
The ghost of Alan hits! --more--			...
You hear the wailing of the Banshee... --more--
What do you wish to engrave with? [-abc or ?*] j
You write in the dust with a blessed spellbook of AI. --more--
What do you want to write? Hans
The ghost of Alan appears confused. --more--
Roger hits! --more--
You die...
(*) Non-CS editor's note: This is an elaborate Turing Test joke involving the
namesake of the test (the late Alan Turing) and Professor Roger Penrose, both
of Oxford. "Hans" is Dr. Hans Moravec of CMU.  The "You say:" reply is a
standard Eliza line.
*|/////|====================-
e. a blessed scroll of Computer Graphics source code
The CS professor hurls an overhead projector! --more--		.@...@.<- you
You are hit by an overhead projector!				.#.#.#.<- SGI
Read what? e							.#.#.#.
The program begins to compile... --more--			 
The CS professor hurls a piece of stained glass! --more--
You are hit by a piece of stained glass! --more--
You hear the howling of the CwnAnnwyn... --more--
The program is finished compiling.
e. a blessed Computer Graphics executable
Apply what? e
Which direction? j
The Silicon Graphics Indigo displays a pretty picture. --more--
The CS professor returns to his office.
*|/////|====================-
The ghost of Hank Sr. hits! --more--
You are getting depressed.
You hit Willie!
The ghost of Patsy hits! --more--
Your mind turns into a pretzel! (*)
You hit Willie.
George hits! --more--
You are getting more and more depressed.
You destroy Willie!
l. a red bandanna
Tammy casts a spell... --more--
Rover magically appears next to you! (+)
(*) "Crazy" -- Patsy Cline
(+) "Stand by Your Man" -- Tammy Wynette
*|/////|====================-
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