From: vil@genrad.com (Vaiioc Isana Lei)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.hongkong
Subject: Re: Acts of love
Date: 16 Oct 92 15:01:12 GMT
Organization: GenRad, Inc.

In article <1992Oct8.124658.5698@gw.wmich.edu> 31he@gw.wmich.edu writes:
>
>	| Iam interested, can anyone(esp girls) second this theory?
>
>As a girl, I think basicly this is true. But in my view, you wouldn't want to
>take the first action: Make him not to like me. As a matter of fact, you will
>never want to be disliked or even loated by someone who liked you very much.
>
>And from my experience, usualy when I found out his feeling toward me already
>goes beyond friendship, I will try to run away gradually, and let him know by
>hints. I would never want to hurt him by careless action unless I felt that he
>is very strong. The good thing in some guys are that they just know the degree
>how much to push in and when they know it is impossible they accept the fact. I
>have two very close friends before, they are very nice guys, but I just
>couldn't have that kind of feeling. So I pretend not to know the hints they
>gave to me, and thus they rea;ized my attitude too. They were sad but then they
>try to cherish that special friendship. That gave me a very warm and nice
>feelings and beautiful memories and I will not forget. We are still friends,
>and they still care about me, but they tried to start new life and do find
>girls that belongs to them, and I felt happy and relief.
>
>In my view, if you love someone, don't miss the chance, but be truely and know
>what you are doing, be patient and tolerate, never rush and never harsh. Try
>your best to care the one but do not just want to get something, if you love
>one, always give and don't think of taking. It it could be yours then be
>patient and cherish, if it does not, then accept...
>
>I wish this could help Peter too. Ask yourself, what do you want actually? If
>she doesn't talk to you, why kept bothering her? Try to be a common friend,
>call her once or twice a month, let her know you will always be  there if she
>needs, let her know that you want her to be happy no matter  what it takes...
>And see...
>
>
>Cindy


Well said, Cindy.

I hope guys can understand that we girls (at least Cindy and me) do most
of the time want to keep the friendship even though we understand that 'his'
feelings has gone beyond 'just friends'. We don't want to hate 'him' (or as
some posters mentions that we got pissed off). But if 'he' keep pushing, we
have no choice but to run away. To me, it is very uncomfortable to feel that
someone is 'Madly in love with me' and yet I am not 'in love (don't even
mention madly) with him'.

As I've asked before (in my other posting), guys could suggest how girls
could act in such cases to turn down someone nicely, keeping damages to the
minimum. I mean how can girls turn you down and yet not make you feel
rejected or embarrassed. I think this is very important, 'cos if the one
who get turned down feels embarassed, it is very difficult to keep the
friendship. It takes both parties to keep a friendship. 

As for Peter's case, I still have this question about whether they (he and
that girl) are friends already before he told her that he loves her.
I am not being hard on you, Peter. But from my experience, if someone that
I hardly know tells me that he is interested in going out with me and that I
am not interested, I don't see why then I will have to be a friend of his, as
we have never been friends.


isana