HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: mcmorris@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (brandywine)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: my hair (this is amusing and sad.... so be warned)
Date: 24 Nov 92 04:29:03 GMT
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center

oh my...
well this story begins in september... when I was still sorta seeing
teh asshole SO who I found in bed with a blonde. I was a blonde. I
didn't like that he might "mix us up" as I put it... and I was
pissed... so I died my hair.

darkest brown. (I am naturally a blonde)

It was cute. It was typical brandywine... don't like what you are..
change it externally so you won't have to deal with it internally.
Also, do it with flair and a flip attitude and DON"T EVER LET ANYONE
SEE ANY CHINKS IN THE ARMOR.... just say, "I was tired of blonde...
and besides... I can have fun whatever my hait *wink*... 

GOD! That sounds stupid to me... but it is my attitude... no one too
close... no one too much... no one too nice... they might stick
around... and I wouldn't want that

(note the dripping sarcasm of the last lines)

so, the I started going out with my current sweeite who is incredibly
sweet.... incredible in general. and, after a few weeks, I wanted my
natural hair color back...

and i went to a salon last week and paid $37. (which I didn't have to
spare) to get it back. And they said, "well, we couldn't change the
color."

okay, I know how many times I have heard it... but how many times have
YOU heard, "it can't be changed"

so tonight, I tried to stripp my hair myself. and it sorta worked...
but doing it myself ended with a strawberry blonde color mixed with
pure white at the roots.....

*sigh*

and ain't that a metaphor for the problems in my life....

added to which, my sweetie is away and did not send email like he
promised even tho he was logged on...

he just doesn't understand... and I amnot sure I do....
I guess ehugs are requested.... 

I am laughing and crying about the hair.... my relationships... and
what the hell am I going to do about my life??????/



-brandywine



*****************************************************************
"And I feel it like a sickness how this love is killing me
 but I walk into the fingers of your fire willingly
 and dance the edge of sanity, I've never been this close
 in love with your ghost...."

-_Ghost
The Indigo Girls
*****************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: metzlers@spot.Colorado.EDU (METZLER SANDRA TAIMI)
Subject: On Anika's Update
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 02:56:12 GMT

Anika--

amazing; nothing less than that post could get me to put something up here
on asar.  i have been reading for over a year, but found it very, very,
very hard to post anything.

however, i wanted to let you know that, whatever these latest round of 
memories turn out to be, you are not alone.  something similar happened
to me a while back; i'd say more, but i'd need spoilers and don't really
want to get into much detail.  my memories, like yours it seems, are either
altogether too vivid or too grey to really look at.

the good news is, you can learn to live with the memories even if you
never stop hating to look at them; i don't know if the fears of friend's
dying will go away--mine hasn't yet.

good luck!  you are much admired for what you are going through and what
you are doing.  i do have an anon-address: anon-1430.  feel free to write.


taimi
metzlers@spot.colorado.edu


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From: anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: CONFIDENTIALITY
Date: 20 Nov 92 18:43:24 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I got the following from my counselor today.

"I  am  now at a confidential computer and    
now clued-in as to what you consider a confidential relationship .   In
accordance with your response to my memo yesterday idid not give [my
secretary] the dictation.  We are now left with the dilemma as to how we are
to  communicate.   Why don't you come in for an  ADMINISTRATIVE appointment,
not a counseling one and I will discuss with you what  I  was going to
dictate and have typed and sent.  This will allow me to explain to you what
happened and negotiate what would be helpful to you for me to put in writing.
"This memo has taken me a  half  hour to type, so let's try and do this face
to face." 

I still don't want to see him face to face, because I still have trouble
being assertive in situations like this.  I also get the feeling my counselor
is trying to make me feel guilty.  I think at this point I'm going to ask him
to send me whatever he had planned to dictate longhand.  Now if I can just
find a way to get out of an administrative meeting....

The Captain



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From: anon-1403@twwells.com (synthesis)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: hello everybody
Date: 16 Nov 92 21:40:20 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


ANON-Name: synthesis
ANON-Mail: yes
ANON-Announce: yes

hi everybody.  i've been reading for ages now but haven't posted
for a variety of reasons -- thought it might drag me into the subject
deeper than i wanted to be, and wasn't sure i had anything much to
add.  i'm not sure either of those reasons has changed much but i
keep getting the urge to respond to particular posts so what the hell
i figured i'd just post this once to introduce myself and announce
i'm here and i can always bail out later.

i chose my nickname because, for me at least [can you tell i'm
female?] that's been my goal for getting a grip on myself.  i can't
make the past or bad things go away but i don't want to shut out the
future and good things, either.  i have worked on reconciling the two
and accepting the fact that all together constitute "me".  and however
bad the past things i'm reasonably happy with the synthesized whole.
i was a bit worried that posting here would make me revert into
concentrating only on the past.  but i will try to keep the perspective
i have worked hard for.  and this is really the only forum i can discuss
these difficult issues in, so maybe it's necessary for my synthesis,
after all.  

so i guess that all sounds a bit mystical and silly.  but that seems
to be one of the advantages of a computer news group:  you can be
as silly as you like and unless you manage to offend someone deeply
nobody will likely give you a hard time about it.

oh well.  now that i'm officially here maybe i'll start responding on
particular issues.  i'm not sure how helpful i can be on anything
but i have Very Good Intentions :-) so hopefully that will suffice.

-synthesis



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From: James Reynolds <jreynolds@igc.apc.org>
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Date: 17 Nov 92 22:02 PST
Subject: "Monsters Among Us." (TV show)
Nf-ID: #N:cdp:1519600001:000:398
Nf-From: cdp.UUCP!jreynolds    Nov 17 22:02:00 1992


Did anyone see PBS's "Frontline" episode about Washington;s 
"sexual predator" laws?

The episode was entitled "Monsters Among Us" and was shown earlier
this week, at least in this area (Allentown/Betghlehem/Easton PA).
(This keyboard can't backspace; please read through the typos.)

Pretty scary stuff.   What think, y'all?


Jim Re6nolds  er,  Jim Reynolds.
(At Lehigh University in real life.)
From: anon-1259@twwells.com (Kate)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: my heart stopped
Date: 20 Nov 92 02:15:15 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Hi everyone.

I was just sitting down to work on my thesis (due in 1.5 weeks.  UGH) and
I loaded MSWord and when I tried to open a folder, I noticed that the last
folder that was opened was the MsWord storage folder.  And there, at the
top of the list, was a document titled "[insert my therapist from Denver's
name here]"  And I looked at it and it was a letter I had written her
back in june. It was a fairly long letter and it talked about embarrassing
stuff and issues and basically it was very personal.  my heart just stopped
when I realized that this girl who also works in my lab (i caught her reading
a document of mine earlier today--it was nothing personal at all, but still)
had probably read this letter.  I realize now that i must have accidently
saved it to the hard drive instead of my disk by accident.
I feel so violated!! 
:(
I know how this could've been prevented but I still feel like crying.
And to top it all off, I got a phone call today from a university grad
school.  Nothing out of the ordinary unless you consider that my phone #
is unlisted for a very important reason and that the only communication I've
had with them is a post card i sent in june requesting information.  Besides,
I was living somewhere else then.  The only thing I can think of is that
the girls who live in my old apartment gave this women my number (they are 
friends of mine).  I don't want to sound mean when i ask them about it and 
if they did do it, tell them that it isn't ok.  

I feel so small right now.  I had taken steps to ensure my safety, feelings
of control and self-confidence and now I feel so horrible, like I've
been sqashed.

hi kate hadto go isnside becuase she was feeling real bad. i cant type 
very well.so i will gobye

kate
she wrote most o f this letter



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re:  Group Therapy
Date: 21 Nov 92 12:23:45 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

In article <Bxtv9A.23K@twwells.com>, anon-1383@twwells.com writes:
>Hi, my name is Apple.  Apple has a problem.  Apple needs advice.
>Please advise as to whether you believe group therapy or individual
>therapy is preferable.  Please share your views.  
>
>Muchas Gracias......

This is one of those things that varies from person to person.  Personally I
prefer individual therapy.  When I've tried group therapy, I usually end up
feeling "My problems are nothing compared to everyone else.  I don't deserve to
be here, and should leave."

On the other hand, I know others who find group theapy very helpful...

---
Krikket (a.k.a. Doug Krick)  ---  krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us
3 Danada Square East #246    ---  #include<std.disclaimers>
Wheaton, Il 60187  U.S.A.    ---  #include<e.hugs>

My name in Inigo Montoya, you killed my father.  Prepare to die!
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Holiday bummers
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 23:51:46 GMT

anon-1209@twwells.com (just me) writes:

[ seasonal woes deleted. ]

>I hate the holidays. I wish I could just disappear until January.

so disappear.  call everyone and tell them "i've got my own plans for the
holidays, and won't be able to be with you all.  maybe next year." and then go
off and do something you will enjoy for a couple of weeks.  there is no law
which says that you have to do things to make other people happy even if it
will make you unhappy.

>just me

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Followup on SO's of Survivors
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 23:21:15 GMT

damin@madnick.cba.csuohio.edu (Greg Boehnlein) writes:

[love lost story deleted. ]

>Is there a name for this? Does it happen to other people? 

the nearest name i can think of for this is "the pygmalian (sp?) complex" after
a story in which the protagonist finds some naive young girl, teaches her how
to be a sophisticated lady, and then she goes off and finds someone else,
leaving the teacher with nothing.  i think it is a victorian era story, and i
don't really remember much else about it.  anyway, it doesn't apply perfectly
to your story, but it was similar enough for me to remember this, so there you
go...

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: anon-1317@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: THOSE feelings
Date: 16 Nov 92 14:15:11 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

This weekend, I started to have what I 
refer to as "those" feelings-- the panic,
the sadness, the insecure feeling of being
completely alone in the world.  The shameful
feeling that everyone who doesn't like me and
it is because of what I am.

I am also getting tired of those feelings.
the came on again when my ex- lover, who
lives next door, had his girlfriend over
and she spent the night (he was dating her-
when he started seeing me- told me she wasn't
anyone special-- then when I told him about my
past-- he said we really should stop seeing 
each other - because it wasn't  fair to her) I
have told him that this makes me feel very bad--
he says he wants to be my friend, etc, etc.
He was talking to me-- said he would see me later-
then in about an hour - his girlfriend is over.

I feel very used-- like I am tainted is the reason
he doesn't want to see me-- I feel very confused.
When we were having a great sexual relationship,
he would see me everyday--now it is only if I see
in the parking lot-- and he will come up and start
talking and mention things like--we should do this ect.

So I cussed him out--- I don't need someone making me
think I am "seconds" because of what happened to me--
I am tired--so tired-- that I just want to get in bed
and sleep a year.  I don't like thinking that the ONLY
thing someone likes about me is SEX.  I feel very dirty
and useless when this happens.

thanks for listening.




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From: anon-1400@twwells.com (genesis)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: THOSE feelings
Date: 17 Nov 92 18:15:09 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


	It really upsets me to see that there are those people out there who
still look at those who have been sexually abused as 'tainted' or 
'unclean'.  You would think they would have a little more compassion than
they do.
	You did the right thing in 'cussing' out your former lover.  The last
thing anyone of us needs is someone making us feel unwanted or wanted just for
sex (this applies to females more than males I suppose).  I hope you don't
look at this event (your lover telling you he didn't want to see you) as an
indication of how every man will be like to you.  I was lucky and have someone
(only as a friend at the moment) who understood how I felt and is willing to
still have a relationship with me in the future.  She cannot KNOW how I feel
but at least she tries to make it easier on me.
	So never believe that there will never be someone there for you.  I
have never had a relationship with someone because of the abuse.  When I began
remembering when I was going on 14, I could not bring myself to be near anyone
female.  I was frightened more than anything, that they would abuse me as well.
Well, I have come to realize that I cannot go through life hiding.  I must
try to get my life back on track.  I admit, I was derailed by women who could
not accept me the way I am, but I couldn't give up on something so important--
my life.  Now I've found someone that is willing to try.  That says something
for not giving up, I'd say.
	So stay strong.  It was not your fault your lover could not muster
enough courage to stand by you.  But you should allow yourself the courage to
come right back at life and realize that you are NOT 'unclean' and that what
you are is a vital, feeling, individual with the potential for alot of good
in life.  There IS someone out there who will realize that about you.

				--JUST DON'T GIVE UP!
				--genesis

	P.S. My nickname is about beginnings, and there are a million in every
	     life.

ANON-Name: genesis
ANON-Ping: yes
ANON-Mail: yes
ANON-Announce: yes
ANON-SigKeep: yes



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: chip@tct.com (Chip Salzenberg)
Subject: Re: Holiday bummers
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 16:30:08 GMT
Organization: TC Telemanagement, Clearwater, FL

According to anon-1209@twwells.com (just me):
>First of all, I haven't figured out where the money is going to come
>from for Christmas presents.

Here's a simple suggestion:

   If you can't afford Christmas presents, don't buy them.

People who love you will understand when you say, "I can't afford a
gift, but I love you anyway."  People who don't love you -- well, do
you really want to go into debt for _them_?
-- 
Chip Salzenberg at Teltronics/TCT  <chip@tct.com>, <73717.366@compuserve.com>
                 just another elitist Usenet administrator
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: karen@invincible.bsd.uchicago.edu (& Brilmyer)
Subject:  A short test....
Organization: University of Chicago Computing Organizations
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 16:52:48 GMT

TESTING TESTING>>>>>>>>>>>>>
From: stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote)
Subject: Communication (was Re: My theory ...)
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 19:10:47 GMT

Shelly and I, along with a close group of friends have been listening to 
a series of audio tapes called `Keys to Relationship(s)' by Gary Smalley.

He describes these communication issues in a wonderful manner.  Demonstrating the
strengths and weaknesses of both sexes ( can you believe it - we men actually
do have some strengths in building relationships ?! its about time someone
realized it - just my editorial opinion!) in communication and building
reltionships.

I don't have time to outline it, its a five hour audio tape series and is
far and away the best thing I have come across on this topic.  Its a topic I've
spent a lot of time on cause Shelly & I were involved for a number of years 
presenting Marriage Encounter weekends, which are weekends to try to give
couples better communication skills & tools.

--
Mike Stoughton
stote@den.mmc.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields)
Subject: Re: response to ed
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 20:17:02 GMT

Funny, back about a year ago, when I was really active in ASAR, I
thought we hashed out the fine points of the topic that led to Ed's
raging article.  We found:

1) that no known organized religion, including any branch of paganism or
satanism (other than possibly those linked to Dianetics and the followers
of Charles Manson and L.Ron Hubbard) were involved in ritual abuse;

2) that ritual abuse was happening regularly in North America and
elsewhere, partly because it provided such an effective way of
discrediting the victims, and partly because it provided such an
effective way of distracting the attention of concerned citizens away
from the actual abusers;

3) that preacher's kids suffer abuse, too;

4) that sexual abuse mixed with religious proselytizing can lead the victim to
feel constantly in need of a religious "anchor" against a "sea of uncertainty";

5) that ritual abuse and multiple personalities in the survivor had a very high
correlation rate.

I don't remember what else we discussed, but that was the gist of it.

Along the way, a lot of feelings got hurt.

A lot had to be clarified and rehashed.

It's good to see that the discussion is still vital.

-Matt
From: anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Woman Leaving Abusive Husband, Husband Works at Phone Company
Date: 18 Nov 92 19:30:29 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes




John-


18-Nov-92 16:16	johne@PROBLEM_WITH_INEWS_GATEWAY_FILE (John Eaton)	Re: Woman Leaving Abusive Husband, Husband Works at Phone Company

>If he really is a threat then get a restraining order forbidding contact
>and have it include orders to the phone co. ordering them to prevent him
>from accessing any records in order to locate her. It puts them on notice 
>that they will be sued if something bad happens.
>
>
>John Eaton
>!hp-vcd!johne

YAY!!!! My therapist and I have been working on my tendency to fight arguments
from within the limits created by the person I'm arguing with. For example,
Mom has lots of money, has just bought a second home, but claims she's so
broke and has been so broke that she couldn't possibly pay for therapy. My
response, instantly, was "What's more important, me or your house?" But that's
not the question! The question is,"Will you pay for my therapy. You *can*
afford it." See what I mean?

And we've been doing the same. Woman wants to hide, let's all use our
long-formed abilities to help her. *Why* should she hide? Is there a reason
she *can't* get a restraining order? Why should spend the rest of her life in
fear that he'll find her? Seems that *he* should be the one hiding - not *her*.
I know that's a scary step, and she should do what's best for her, but I'm
glad *someone* mentioned this.

							Anika




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