HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: kai@depeche.toppoint.de (Kai Voigt)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Hello (turn your radio on ...)
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 92 09:42:14 GMT
Distribution: world               
Organization: World Violation, Inc.

jeanie@cbnewsm.cb.att.com (jean.c.ward) writes:

> In article <1992Jul18.022106.5005@brtph560.bnr.ca> kimmyd@brtph374.bnr.ca (Kimmy Posey P920) writes:
> >Hey! If anybody can see this in alt.romance then please
> >respond.  I am having big time trouble getting outside
> >our local network.  Thanx in advance. 
> >
> >                                         KimmyD
> >
> 
> You're reaching San Diego.
> 
And even Kiel, Germany :-) 

Kai.

                                 ,,,
                                (o o)
----------------------------oOO--(_)--OOo----------------------------
Kai Voigt                           Hello. Is Mrs Wall there?     NO.
University Of Kiel, Germany         Oh. Is Mr Wall there?         NO.
email: kai@depeche.toppoint.de      Are there any walls there?    NO.
phone: +49 431 7297514         Well, how does the roof stay up, then?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
From: jlewis@astro.as.arizona.edu (Jeff Lewis)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: romance = sex ?
Date: 30 Jul 92 16:12:18 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ

greetings..being new to this group I hope that
I am not seeking advice on a topic that has been
beaten to death before...but here goes...

after the abrupt ending of a relationship that lasted
several years, I was content with the fact that
life was going on, and it was just me and my work.

Then just recently, quite by accident,  met someone
who I cannot stop thinking about..we met due to my
trying to set up an automated email system that..well
just dumped stuff to all the wrong people..

We sent mail back and forth for several days...and I found
that this person I had never met was fasinating..I could
not wait for the next email message from her.  I would rush
home to check my mail..and feel like everything was wonderful
when I heard from her...

We decided to met...and when we did..I realized that this
women was without a doubt the most beautiful, intelligent,
I had ever met....And I fell hard...

We talked and saw each other almost every day for a couple of
weeks...and I only fell more and more in love..
Thats when things went horribly wrong...I had to start dealing
with questions from my friends about my sex life...and I had
to start dealing with it myself...I maintain that romance does
not imply sex...and it seems most people I know think just
the opposite...arguments ensued..

I talked to my new would be girlfriend about how I felt..and now
I am wondering if she thinks I don't find her physically attractive.
Which is about the furthest thing from the truth as you can get.

Its just that I like being in love..the warm feeling inside I get when
I am in the same room with her..the thrill I get out of sharing 
my feelings and thoughts and opinions with her and hearing hers.

I get upset and worried when she is upset about something and feel
helpless sometimes when I can't help her sort things out.

And now I am away from her for 3 weeks while I do research...and I 
know it will be the longest three weeks of my life...

I guess what I am getting at is ... why am I getting all this input
from people about how I should WANT to jump into bed this woman and
there is probably something fundamentally worng with the relationship
if I don't...and she will give me the 'Lets just be Friends` if I
don't make a move toward the bedroom...

AM I missing something  here...is romance that much of a alien concept
theses days?

Jeff - the bewildered

jlewis@astro.as.arizona.edu if Jeff L. Lewis
"Genius waits for none."
"But stupidity hammers on a deserted building."
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: tyger@netcom.com (Kitty in the Middle)
Subject: Re: Help...
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 92 05:11:57 GMT
Organization:  I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything!

In article <1992Jul19.191326.1@pomona.claremont.edu> apeters@pomona.claremont.edu writes:
>In article <f4bm1-m.tyger@netcom.com>, tyger@netcom.com (Kitty in the Middle) writes:
>>
>> From the things you said, it is clear that you care for this friend a great
>> deal, but is it really a good idea to be posting rather personal things
>> about him to a newsgroup he might read, were he active on the net? If one 
>> of my friends did this to me, I would most likely want to skin them.
>
>That's why I didn't mention his name or address.  Besides, I checked
>with him before I posted and he said he didn't mind, that no one here
>would probably know him anyway.  I don't think he really believed I 
>would do it, but he said "Go ahead and try.  Everything I've done has
>obviously been about as wrong as you can get so I can probably use
>some help".

Ah. Sorry if it seems like I jumped on you, but there a a fair number of 
people that come through here with similar messages without having asked the 
"friend" if it was okay. Invariably they post a few days later telling how 
they were lambasted for their efforts. The person you speak of is lucky to have
a friend like you...
 
>Angela

     Tyger

-- 
      Kristen Kohlbecker  And I would chose to be with you
      tyger@netcom.com    That's if the choice were mine to make   
                          But you can make decisions too
      A Tyger and a Lady  And you can have this heart to break
From: bicker@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Females more likely to receive kindness from strangers
	(was Re: Why ? Was:I don't know why I am posting this...)
Date: 29 Jul 92 13:15:24 GMT
Reply-To: Brian.C.Kohn@att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality)
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: The Internet

In article <1992Jul28.175122.19947@bnr.co.uk> dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
>In the referenced article ghosty@terapin.com (Noah Hanna) writes:
>>   I think that women have the freedom to ask [men out] too, and they
>>   should take it. 
>>But it may not be a good idea because if they do this they appear less
>>attractive in the eyes of most men. 
I don't agree, but that's not why I followed up.
>>Well, I, being a shy guy (not trademarked, sorry) would find it pretty
>>releaving if more females would take the initiative...
>Hear, hear. If "most men" really do think this, it could explain a lot!
>eg. why women think so little of us. 

An interesting story related to this came across the UPI wire yesterday.
It detailed a study released Monday by Florida State University
indicating that gender may be more influential than attractiveness in
persuading a stranger to grant a favor (relinquishing a computer
terminal). When women asked either another woman or a man for a favor,
77% of the time the favor was granted compared to 34% of the time when
men asked the favor.  

More intriguing was the observation that when women asked men, the men
were "very open-armed" and friendly (whether they said yes or not).
When men asked women, generally "it was just like he was invisible."

Does anyone else find this very distrubing?  Is it true that women
think so little of men in general?  If so, why is that?

The ramifications of this are equally disturbing.  It could mean that
in the building of a relationship, women seek the flaws they assume are
there and then commit strongly to the relationship only after they find
that their assumptions are wrong, while men go into a relationship
"worshiping the object of their affection" only to be disillusioned
when they are suprised by flaws.  This would surely explain why men
tend to go barreling into relationships and women are typically
resisters, and then men lose interest just when women want to put a
stake in the ground.


-- 
Brian Charles Kohn             E-MAIL: att!hoqax!bicker  (bicker@hoqax.ATT.COM)
Poet of "Quality"
    'Hope, not fear, is the most positive advocate of action.' - S.R. Lawhead
                   Stamp Out "SO": "RP" = "Romantic Partner"
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.couples
From: helie@bach.udel.edu (Ray)
Subject: Re: Cruelty when breaking up
Organization: University of Delaware
Distribution: usa
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1992 20:48:05 GMT
Expires: Sun, 30 Aug 1992 04:00:00 GMT

In article <Brqs6H.KDp@news.larc.nasa.gov> 
nimmo@scb3.larc.nasa.gov (Nancy A. Nimmo) writes:
 
"   Once again someone is getting upset because they got an answer that
  didn't agree with their position.  "

I don't recall getting upset.  You are very good as assuming things
to be true when they are not -- that makes it twice now.

"   Anyone posting a "Dear Net" article must remember that it gets posted 
  to a network which several million people have access to. The poster is
  subjecting themselves to many different interpertations and opinions on
  what they have written. This is the beauty of the Net...experiences of
  thousands of people of different ages, sex, and culture. "

Have to agree with you there -- varied opinions, *especially* those that
are very different from mine, are *why* I choose to post.

"   As far as my response to Ray,  I did stress that I did not know
  the details, and gave the assumptions my opinions were based on.  
  Unfortunately Ray found my blunt analysis and opinion disagreeable "
  
Actually I think your analysis *was* totally accurate, if the assumptions 
were true as well.  If you had left it at that, no problem.  However, if
you remember (and I notice your original posting is suddenly
inaccessible ... hmmm, maybe now you don't remember), you had a lot
of very specific character judgements to present to the world about 
the kind of person *you* think I am, based on your *incorrect* 
assumptions concerning my post.  

You remember?  My *warped* viewpoint, etc.?  Need I say more?  Next 
time you assume anything, try limiting yourself to your opinions and
leave out your *insightful* character judgements.  Otherwise,
you end up giving everyone else accurate character judgements 
about yourself.  

Oh, just so you don't go assuming anything else, I am not upset 
-- you made a mistake, it's over -- quit while you're ahead.  


Ray
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford)
Subject: Re: Why ? Was: I don't know why I am posting this...
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 20:56:10 GMT

In article <1992Jul29.162551.15986@linus.mitre.org>, jcr@mbunix.mitre.org (Rogers) writes:
|> 
|> Count me in w/ the latter 2 guys above -- I'm flattered by a woman taking
|> the initiative. Of course, anyone of either sex can be put off by someone
|> who's *TOO* pushy or seems desperate.
|> 
|> But net-women, tell me, if you're of the impression that some men *DON'T*
|> like women taking the initiative, how'd you come to form that impression?

I can tell you how I formed it.  Basically, two major influences shaped my
attitude:  

1)  I was told when I was growing up that men would find a woman
who took the initiative "unattractive."  I was told this by my mother, and 
by my girlfriends who heard it from *their* mothers (who had undoubtedly
heard it from THEIR mothers, etc.).  I tested the waters a couple of times
during high school -- yep, sure enough, the reaction I got was what one
might expected if the boy had just seen a purple cow with green spots.  I
quickly came to the realization that, unlike most of mom's "advice," this 
was right on target.

2)  As an adult, and after a 17-year marriage, I decided to try it again.  
This time, on at least *3* occasions, I was told (by men) that "men don't 
*want* to be approached -- they find it intimidating."  Now, I suppose that 
this might not be a general rule, and the real problem is that some men 
find *me* intimidating.  However, I think if you ask anyone who knows me, 
you'll find that I'm really quite shy and quiet (albeit tall).

So, while I can certainly agree that *some* men appreciate the woman taking
the initiative, my experience says that certainly not *all* men do.  And 
how does a woman know when she approaches a man if he's one who does like 
it?
-- 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|    /)                      | Lana Mountford    
|   / /  __    ___    __     | Silicon Graphics  
|__(_/__(__)\__/  )__(__)\__ | Mountain View, CA 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
From: ram@lionet.Wesley.OZ.AU (Richard A. Muirden)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Mailing List - DETAILS
Date: 21 Jul 92 00:40:23 GMT
Organization: Wesley College, Melbourne


"Rainbow Connection" mailing list
---------------------------------
Last Revised: 20 May 1992 

The "rainbow connection" mailing list was started by skye icaen
(aboard@statsun.stat.colostate.edu) as a means of bringing together people
involved in or interested in LDR's (Long Distance Relationships),
or NSLDR's (not-so-long distance relationships).

The list itself is maintained by Richard Muirden (ram@lionet.wesley.OZ.AU)
and all postings go via this machine. 

HOW TO JOIN/LEAVE THE LIST
--------------------------

Any alterations to the mailing list (ie: if you wish to join
it, or be taken off it, etc) are handled by Richard Muirden. 
All requests should NOT be sent to the list proper, but to
the following address:

	rainbow-request@lionet.wesley.OZ.AU

Requests will usually take a day (or less) to do, although
some consideration should be given for weekends.

COMMENTS/QUERIES/CRITS?   
----------------------

Comments/queries/crits about the list (what *is* it all about,
what do you hope to achieve by this, why are you doing
this anyway, and other riddles answered) can come to me -- 
other questions about how to do "all dat technical stuff"
can go to Richard. :)


HOW TO POST MESSAGES TO THE LIST:
--------------------------------

Posting to the mailing list is very easy, you simply compose your
mail and send it to:

	rainbow@lionet.wesley.OZ.AU

where it will be automatically forwarded to everyone on the list.
Usually you need your name on the list, if you want to read what
everyone else has to say. ;)

			*	*	*

Much thanks to Richard, for setting up the alias, and also
letting me maul and edit his message to produce this article.
Thanks also to the other people who've also helped in taking
a lot of this work off my hands, or offered to (you know who you
are, mjl, Brian. :), and of course, thanks to the {rough
estimate of} 98 people currently on the list, for joining,
and for not posting all at once to it.

		-- skye


-- 
Richard Muirden,                       | Also final year Computer Science
Systems Administrator (unpaid - gasp!) | Student, RMIT. Shostakovich Freak!!
Wesley College, Prahran Campus,        | Star Trek fanatic on the side.
mail: ram@lionet.wesley.OZ.AU  IRC: GA |
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: AIDS: What the Government Isn't Telling You
From: mzener@eagle.wesleyan.edu
Date: 29 Jul 92 11:33:42 EDT
Distribution: world
Organization: Wesleyan University

Eric T. Jue <etjue@lbl.gov> writes:
> I heard an interesting talk show this morning concerning a new book
> titled "What the Government Isn't Telling You About AIDS."  The author of
> the book, Dr. Lorraine Day of UC San Francisco, offered her findings on
> the air and fielded questions from listeners.  According to her, research
> has shown that the AIDS virus is not a fragile virus and that it may
> survive up to 7 days in a dry environment and up to 14 days in a moist
> one.  It follows from this that AIDS may be transmitted through all types
> of bodily fluids and not just through blood.  She mentions other
> interesting findings on AIDS which she says the government is
> intentionally hiding from the public. 

   There has _never_ been a case of AIDS that must have been transmitted
through any means other than blood or semen.

   The government has no interest in hiding AIDS information.

   Scientists who work for the government wouldn't care even if it did.

   The governemnt _does_ have a vested interest in making sure that AIDS
information is rigorous and correct, instead of shoddy and sensationalist.

   I'm sure Dr. Day means well, but I doubt if the studies she used were very
good.  BTW, what is her PhD in?

Max
From: jcr@mbunix.mitre.org (Rogers)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Pursuit & Honesty (was: Re: LJBF problems)
Date: 29 Jul 92 15:29:52 GMT
Organization: The MITRE Corporation, Bedford, MA

Michael Weaver, in giving advice to Jason Bert Rust, writes:

> Since you have been friends for a long time, it probably surprised her
> that you asked her out. And if you haven't followed up, she may think
> that this was some anomaly, that you were feeling depressed or
> something, and acting irrationally.

I've generally found Michael to be one of the sanest advice-givers in
this group, but I think this bit needs further discussion. I'm getting
general in what follows, and am not discussing Jason's particular
situation.

Michael's advice about "following up" seems to imply that if a man
really wants a relationship w/ a particular woman, he is expected
to ask her out repeatedly even though she continues to refuse. Also
that a woman may not believe a man's desire to date her is genuine
unless he persists in the face of multiple refusals. Also that
women may "test" men by refusing them multiple times and seeing
whether the men persist.  Also that a man may not believe a woman
really means "no" when she says "no." It may seem like I'm jumping
ahead by leaps & bounds here, but doesn't all of that follow from
what Michael wrote? Yet I strongly suspect it's *NOT* what Michael
meant. Michael, please clarify.

Also, net-women, do you ever find yourselves in the situation Michael
described? I.e., a guy asks you out, you refuse, then later you find
yourself wondering why he didn't come back and ask again?

Personally, if a woman asked me out and I refused her, I'd hardly be
surprised if she didn't ask me again. In fact, I'd be surprised if
she persisted -- rare enough for a woman to ask a man out (at least
in my experience), even rarer for her to persist in the face of
a rejection.

I guess this gets into that old question of whether women want to
(or should) be pursued, and of whether (and how vigorously) men want
to (or should) pursue them. Unfortunately, it seems that even in the
nineties, we still have primarily one sex (men) pursuing the other
(women) (at least in the US), and the fact that all the rules are
still not discussed openly means that everyone has their own "guess"
as to what the rules really are, and those individual "guesses"
usually don't quite match up, and that causes a lot of confusion
and often pain as well. That's why I think a lot of openness and
honesty are the best tools with which to work on relationships,
though I have to agree with Michael that subtlety (or maybe a
better word is "restraint") is often called for in a relationship's
early stages. But one must be cautious not to let what starts as
subtlety grow into dishonesty, deceitfulness, and outright lies.
This can sometimes be really difficult!

Whatch'all think?

-- Jeff R.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: puter@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com (PuterDude)
Subject: Re: PMS
Organization: None, today. Thank you.
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 13:48:59 GMT

 erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) notices...
>tyger@netcom.com (Kitty in the Middle) writes:
>
>: I'm blonde, fat, and a woman...
>
>Teresa told me the same thing.  Yeah, *right*.  Fat, she ain't!  Gorgeous,
>she *is*!

Almost all women do this. My wife is 5'5" and 108 pounds. She still has days
that she talks about "feeling" fat. I *STILL* haven't found an ounce
*ANYWHERE*!!!   :)

-- 
Puter	puter@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com	.sig by Generic Labels
(Put obnoxious title here)		(Put phone # here.)
(Put irritating quote here. Please make it as long as possible.)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Newsgroups: alt.romance

Ladies remember one thing, that you have to admit is so true.
A hard man is good to find!          
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: HJ46@lafibm.lafayette.edu (Baboo (Holton, Jeffrey))
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.romance.chat
Subject: Re: Ideas and suggestions on long distance relationships.. PLEAS
Date: 26 Jul 92 17:44:51 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University
Originator: news@lafcol

In article <1992Jul22.181857.3515@wam.umd.edu> tedwards@wam.umd.edu (technopagan priest) writes:
>In article <1992Jul22.151115.10521@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu> daw@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu (Dave Webb) writes:
>
>Well, get her net access, and either use the talk program, or let her
>telnet into your account and write to one another on your system.
>
>It's suprising how nice a
><snuggle>
>or a
><cuddle>
>can be in a LDR...
>
>-Thomas
> resident technoshaman

Does that last?  My SO and I *met* over the net through a mutual
friend.  That was 17 months ago.  Now the net is just too impersonal
for us.  Talk doesn't cut it.  Sending one of LFs giant hugs that I
stole (sorry LF  =)  ) doesn't cut it.

*Being there* for her cuts it.

My advice to original poster: get seven full-time jobs to cover phone
and gas costs.  I have one and it's not enough.  =)

--Jeff
hj46@lafayacs.bitnet
"Why is it that everyone else has a neat sig?"
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: webdw@cbnews.cb.att.com (bruce.d.woods)
Subject: Re: Dates from Hell
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 14:58:11 GMT

In article <1992Jul23.153827.4967@linus.mitre.org> jcr@mbunix.mitre.org (Rogers) writes:
>Mysti (mysti@sybase.com) writes:
>>Catherine Montagna (montagna@mizar.usc.edu) writes:
>>
>>> Please tell me I'm not alone -- has anybody out there had
>>> dates from hell they'd wish to tell us about?
>
Had three that might qualify for DFH status:

1)  In college on a double date, the four of us went "parking"
    for a while before the (then) 1 am curfew for the women.  I
    and my date were in the back.  Just a few minutes after we stopped
    the car slowly rolled into a ditch (the driver had failed to
    put the automatic transmission into Park.  We nearly tipped over.
    Needless to say, the ladies were upset.  We managed to get a
    farmer to pull the car out of the ditch with the car suffering
    only a few scatches.  

2)  With my SO, we revisited a night spot (after many years) noted
    for their jazz combos for a couple of drinks after dinner.  It
    was very dark inside so there was this period of a few minutes
    before we were able to see clearly.  Then, after having ordered
    drinks it dawned on us that this club was now exclusively a
    "homosexuals only" club.  My SO was the only woman in the place.
    We enjoyed the jazz but left after just one drink.

3)  When out to eat as a foursome, the other lady got some food stuck
    in her esophagus.  Before we could react to perhaps help her,
    she violently threw up all over the table, the food and us.
    Of course she felt shamed by the incident despite the fact that
    it wasn't her fault, but it did wreck the evening.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: esper@cs35b.cs.umn.edu (Dave Sherohman)
Subject: Re: confused by physical contact, need advice
Organization: University of Minnesota
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 01:19:29 GMT

In article <26JUL92.13336804.0058@lafibm.lafayette.edu> HJ46@lafibm.lafayette.edu (Baboo (Holton, Jeffrey)) writes:
>In article <1992Jul20.150358.20334@news2.cis.umn.edu> esper@cs35b.cs.umn.edu (Dave Sherohman) writes:
>>In article <9207200248.AA05901@ucbvax.Berkeley.EDU> me@my.school.edu writes:
>>>So what I want to ask is, should I see her again?
>>
>>a)  You've realized you can't be in a purely physical relationship.
>>b)  She's said she can't/won't get involved in any sort of committed
>>    relationship with you.
>>c)  Her conduct to this point leaves her ability to maintain a platonic
>>    relationship with a man (or even to start one) as questionable at best.
>>
>>Conclusion:  Drop her like a hot potato before you get burned.
>>
>>Any questions/comments?  Put 'em here or send 'em to:
>>esper@ima.umn.edu
>
>Logical conclusion.  However, we've already determined that women (and
>men) are irrational in an earlier post.  Therefore, it is illogical to
>assume that mathematical logic can be applied to inter-human
>relationships.

Hey, he asked what he should do.  Never said I expected him to be able to
do it...

esper@ima.umn.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance