From: gmw1@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu (Gabe M Wiener)
Newsgroups: alt.usage.english
Subject: "often" in Pirates
Date: 18 Aug 92 19:49:54 GMT
Organization: Columbia University

A number of people have sent me mail asking for the scene in the Gilbert and
Sullivan opera "Pirates of Penzance" that makes the pun on often, so here it
is.  This also gave ma a chance to use my new OCR package.

--cut here--

Major:  And now that I've introduced myself, I should like to have some idea 
        of what's going on. 

Kate:  Oh, Papa--we-- 

Sam: Permit me, I'11 explain in two words: we propose to marry your daughters. 

Major: Dear me!

Girls:  Against our wills, Papa- against our wills!

Major: Oh, but you mustn't do that!   May I ask--this is a picturesque 
       uniform, but I'm not familiar with it. What are you?

King:  We are all single gentlemen.

Major: Yes, I gathered that. Anything else? 

King: No, nothing else.

Edith: Papa, don't believe them; they are pirates- the famous 
       Pirates of Penzance!

Major: The Pirates of Penzance! I have often heard of them.

Mabel:  All except this gentleman (indicating Frederic), who was a pirate 
        once, but who is out of his indentures to-day, and who means to 
        lead a blameless life evermore.

Major: But wait a bit. I object to pirates as sons-in-law.

King: We object to Major:-generals as fathers-in-law. But we waive that point.
      We do not press it. We look over it,

Major: (aside) Hah! an idea! (Aloud) And do you mean to say that you
       would deliberately rob me of these, the sole remaining props of 
       my old age, and leave me to go through the remainder of my life 
       unfriended, unprotected, and alone?

King: Well, yes, that's the idea.

Major: Tell me, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan? 

Pirates: (disgusted) Oh, dash it all! 

King: Here we are again! 

Major: I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan? 

King: (sighing) Often! 

Major: Yes, orphan. Have you ever known what it is to be one? 

King: I say, often.

All (disgusted) Often, often, often. (Turning away)

Major: I don't think we quite understand one another. I ask you, have
       you ever known what it is to be an orphan, and you say "orphan". 
       As I understand you, you are merely repeating the word "orphan"  
       to show that you understand me.

King: I didn't repeat the word often.

Major: Pardon me, you did indeed.

King: I only repeated it once.

Major: True, but you repeated it. 

King: But not often.

Major: Stop! I think I can see where we are getting confused. When you
       said "orphan", did you mean "orphan", a person who has lost his
       parents, or "often", frequently!

King: Ah! I beg pardon- I see what you mean- frequently.

Major: Ah! you said "often", frequently. 

King: No, only once. 

Major: (irritated) Exactly--you said "often, frequently" only once.



--
Gabe Wiener - Columbia Univ.     "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings 
gmw1@cunixa.cc.columbia.edu       to be seriously considered as a means of 
N2GPZ in ham radio circles        communication. The device is inherently of
72355,1226 on CI$                 no value to us." -Western Union memo, 1877
Newsgroups: alt.usage.english