HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: patil@cse.uta.edu (Basavaraj B Patil)
Subject: Joke....(Obscene)
Organization: Computer Science & Engineering, Univ. of Texas at Arlington
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1992 21:55:26 GMT

Hi,
	 If you are easily offended by obscene jokes please skip this
one else go ahead ........


















	The son went to his father and said " Dad I'm feeling horny
and I need 20 dollars to pay the whore for a screw" to which his dad
said " Alright son but I have one condition, You have to prove to me
that you really did have a screw. So after you are done with screwing
the whore you got to put your finger up her arse and let me have a
sniff of that finger". The son agrees and goes out with the 20 dollars
and after having a bang puts his little finger up her arse and on
coming home lets his father smell his little finger. The next time the
son is feeling horny the same scene repeats.
The third time the son asks for 50 dollars saying there is a special
babe. The father agrees but on the same conditions. So after the son
has his screw and sticks his little finger up the whore's arse, comes
back home and lets his father smell it upon which the father suddenly
exclaims " Chauffeur get the car ready there's a new babe in town!!!"




:) Raj

--
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Thursday, 16 Apr 1992 20:13:26 EDT
From: Joe Carlson <JKC3@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: another cricket joke

lets' face it...who really cares??
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: awells@jarthur.claremont.edu (Adam "Servo" Wells)
Subject: lots and lots of money???
Organization: Harvey Mudd College, Claremont, CA 91711
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 08:55:18 GMT

I have a question for people not in the United States.

When I post an article, i get the following message ...


This program posts news to thousands of machines throughout the entire
civilized world.  Your message will cost the net hundreds if not thousands of
dollars to send everywhere.  Please be sure you know what you are doing.

Are you absolutely sure that you want to do this? [ny]


So, what I was wondering, is, if someone were to post from Italy, for
example, does it say, "Your message will cost the net millions, if not
billions, of lira to send everywhere"?


Pondering the complexity of existence,
adam

+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|          Adam B. Wells, Harvey Mudd College, Claremont, CA, USA            |
|                 "Mi estas tro seksa por mia '.sig' ..."                    |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+

Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.fan.monty-python
From: dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew Korth)
Subject: Re: Does anybody have the script to "The Argument Clinic" ?
Organization: Bradley University
Date:  8 Apr 92 15:07:29 GMT

In <1992Apr08.060333.45618@yuma.acns.colostate.edu> maxwell@lamar.ColoState.EDU (Mark Story) writes:

>In article <dragon.702618622@camelot> dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew Korth) writes:
>>In <1992Apr06.051634.41805@yuma.acns.colostate.edu> maxwell@lamar.ColoState.EDU (Mark Story) writes:
>>
>>>In article <1992Apr6.010309.10819@nic.unh.edu> ss1@kepler.unh.edu (The Rink) writes:
>>>>>>>I've told you once...
>>>>>> No, you haven't.
>>>>>Yes I have.
>>>>No, I haven't.
>>>This isn't an argument, it's just contradiction!
>>No it isn't.
>You just contradicted me!
No I didn't!
--
*** Matt Korth *** dragon@camelot.bradley.edu *** dragon@buhub.bradley.edu ***

Municipal Sewer Department, we've had enough shit out of you...
From: skydiver@dispates.u.washington.edu (People have real lives?)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: A found riddle!
Date: 14 Apr 92 11:18:49 GMT
Organization: University of Washington

In article <9204040739.AA08249@buxton.teaching.cs.adelaide.edu.au>  
agbrooks@teaching.cs.adelaide.edu.au (Zoz) writes:
> |> What's the first number in the English language that uses the letter
> |> "A"?
> 
> diddley-squAt = 0?
> don't like that one, huh...
> 
> how about:   A = 1 when referring to one object in a sentence
> bit dodgey...
> 
> erm... one hundred And one?
> --
nAdA 

-Cohort
From: cummingc@CS.ColoState.EDU (christopher cummings)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Lawyer Jokes
Date: 13 Apr 92 17:54:10 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Colorado State University, Computer Science Department

my mistake, bad proofreading thanks


--
Chris Cummings
cummingc@beethoven.cs.colostate.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dp35@mc1adm.UWaterloo.ca (Greg Moore)
Subject: Re: cmsg cancel <1992Apr10.212538.1736@nic.csu.net>
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 17:52:42 GMT

In article <1992Apr10.233304.1738@nic.csu.net> jtinkle@sparc1.sparc1.csubak.edu (j. tinkle ) writes:
>This message was cancelled from within rn.

This message wasn't.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: cleo@cheshire.oxy.edu (Cleopatra)
Subject: Re: Sam Kinison is DEAD???????????
Organization: Occidental College, Los Angeles, CA 90041 USA.
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 01:10:54 GMT

In article <1992Apr16.110655.6579@bsu-ucs.uucp> 00drkoch@bsu-ucs.uucp writes:
>In article <1992Apr11.191606.10721@cheshire.oxy.edu>, cleo@cheshire.oxy.edu (Cleopatra) writes:
>> 
>> 
>> When the heck did Sam Kinison die? I had no clue.
>>                                     -Cleopatra
>> -- 
>> "To be or not to be..."               "Life's like a dick...when it gets hard...          -Hamlet                         Fuck It!!"
>> "Today is a good day to die"                             -me
>>          -Kiefer Sutherland (Flatliners)
>He was killed last Frdiay (the 10th) in California.  He was drivign on a deset
>higway and got hit on when 17 year-old hit him head on.  His wife of six days 
>was not seriously injured.  The youth had been drinking (at least there were
>empty beer casn in his truck) and o faces vehicular manslaughter charges.
>
>-- 
>/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\//\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
>\   David Koch                                                                /
>/                                                                             \
>\ 00DRKOCH@BSUVAX1.BITNET						      /
>/ DAVIDK@bsu-uc.bsu.edu							      \
>\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/	
His wife was in critical condition.
                             -Cleopatra

-- 
"To be or not to be..."               "Life's like a dick...when it gets hard...          -Hamlet                         Fuck It!!"
"Today is a good day to die"                             -me
         -Kiefer Sutherland (Flatliners)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: List of : -)
From: krusz@vax1.mankato.msus.edu
Date: 9 Apr 92 01:54:39 -0600
Organization: Mankato State University

In article <1992Apr8.214423.27330@usenet.ins.cwru.edu>, aj064@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Frederick S. Hance) writes:
> 
> 	I'd like a list to.
>   
Me too, please.
From: monson@diablo.amd.com (Steve Monson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: angrams
Date: 8 Apr 92 20:33:34 GMT
Organization: Advanced Micro Devices, Inc., Austin, TX

In article <1992Apr8.140210.29793@actrix.gen.nz> Kris.Heidenstrom@bbs.actrix.gen.nz writes:
>In article <smgViB3w164w@mantis.co.uk> tony@mantis.co.uk (Tony Lezard) writes:
>> mccauley@bucknell.edu (robert mccauley `93) writes:
>> > ISDN
>> > Imaginary Services Delivered Nowhere
>> > It Still Doesn't Network
>> > I Still Don't kNow
>> 
>> It Still Does Nothing
>> 
>
>BTW these are acronyms not anagrams.

BTW, as long as we're setting the record straight, they're not even acronyms;
they're just abbreviations. An acronym is a WORD made up of (usually) initial
letters of other words, like RADAR, AIDS, NATO, etc. If you have to spell
it, like ISDN, it's *not* an acronym.

ObJoke (from the Brazilian joke mailing list):

     A Dutchman, traveling through Rio, stopped to watch two laborers
doing hard labor, making a wall. He walked over to them and said, "How much
do you make in a day, working hard like this?"

     They replied, "300 cruzeiros each."*

     He then invited the two bricklayers to come and work in Holland, making
six times as much. The two readily accepted, and soon were on a plane for
Holland. As they were passing over the Sahara, the plane had engine trouble,
and made a forced landing in the middle of the desert. When the two masons
descended from the plane, and saw sand as far as the horizon, in all directions,
one of them exclaimed:

	Shit, Severino! When the cement arrives, we're fucked!

* When the joke was written, Cr300 was probably a decent day's wage, by
Brazilian standards. Now, it's about 20 cents, US.

Steve
-- monson@diablo.amd.com
	The tide gone out for good
	Thirty-one words for seaweed		"The Death of Irish"
	Whiten on the foreshore.		by Arden Carl Mathew
Xref: sparky rec.humor:16193 alt.tv.tiny-toon:2042 aus.jokes:532 aus.jokes.d:61
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.tv.tiny-toon,aus.jokes,aus.jokes.d
Subject: 101 Dalmatians (revisited)
From: jtinkle@sparc1.sparc1.csubak.edu (j. tinkle )
Date: 10 Apr 92 21:25:36 PDT
Organization: California State University, Bakersfield
Keywords: Please don't flame, is it just VHS?
Summary: Didn't anyone else love it?

With the April 7th (un)official release of 101 Dalmatians, I expected to see
A LOT of Internet/Usenet postings about how much everybody likes 101 
Dalmatians.  So far all I've seen is, "when I went to the local Disney store
to get my copy of" and then goes on about BatB or Snow White or TLM.  I liked
those movies too, but when I went to our local Disney Store, I bought more
Dalmatians stuff!!  I LOVE the movie.  It may not be Disney's animated best,
but it's the first one I remember having really liked when I saw it as a kid.
I'm ecstatic to own my own copy.  I never thought as a kid that I'd ever be
able to watch it when I wanted to.  And I'm 22!
So is it just that I missed all the Dalmatian admiration when the movie was
released in theaters last summer?  I've been reading Usenet news for almost a 
year, but I never saw any accolades for the Dalmatians last July.

Any other fans out there?
And I don't just mean the ones that think Cruella De Vil was Disney's best
animated villain . . .
Jennifer	Senior in Computer Science
"A girl in Computer Science?  REALLY??!?"

From: keithg@hpdmd48.boi.hp.com (Keith Glasson)
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 10:26:20 GMT
Subject: Re: DO YA
Organization: Hewlett Packard - Boise, ID
Newsgroups: rec.humor

/ hpdmd48:rec.humor / benitzt@ohsu3b2.ohsu.edu (Tony Benitz) /  1:00 pm  Apr 10, 1992 /

do ya look in the mirror and see your ugly face and think
I just kill myself?
----------
 Do you read what you write and think, "Geez, I'm an idiot?" You should.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: flick@sdd.hp.com (Bill Flick)
Subject: re: List of : -)
Reply-To: flick@sdd.hp.com (Bill Flick)
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, San Diego Division
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 15:06:28 GMT

I knew I would receive a list or two, but 22 in less than 24 hours???
I wish to thank all those who contributed their lists. Each list  had some that
were different then the others.
I have enough to last a life time, so PLEASE do not sent any more. Once again, 
a big THANK YOU to all of you that helped me out.

B. 8>)
From: skydiver@dispates.u.washington.edu (People have real lives?)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: hey wad0
Date: 14 Apr 92 12:21:46 GMT
Organization: University of Washington

In article <1992Apr14.022909.109076@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> sma3@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu  
(STEPHANIE MICHELLE ARNDT) writes:
> 
>     Here's one for you billy:
> 
>     Two guys walk into a bar.
> 
>     OW!!!  It was an iron bar...
> 
>     I know it's stupid, BUT..................
> 
> Steffers
I heard it as:
   What did the man say when he walked into the bar?

   Ouch!

and:
   Two men walked into a bar...

   The first one should have known better, you see he's been to this bar  
before.
   But, the second guy should have seen it coming...

-Cohort
From: snoopy@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: LICENSE PLATE i just saw..
Date: 9 Apr 92 14:36:28 GMT
Organization: Carnegie Mellon Computer Club

I just saw a license plate in the parking lot.....

DRMWVR        Dream Weaver !!


Michael aka SNOOPY@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU
From: danny@iex.UUCP (Danny Shaw)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: What do people do in their car?
Date: 16 Apr 92 13:13:00 GMT
Organization: IEX Corporation

While looking over all the threads in this group, I thought of one
that might actually have some humor in it.

Lets put together a list of the strange and unusual things you
have seen people doing in their cars while driving.

Putting on makeup
brushing their teeth
etc..
etc...
-- 
Surgeons General Warning:                      ))                     Danny Shaw
                           __________________ ((                 IEX Corporation
                           |####|____________|$             voice: (214)612-2600
sig'ing causes cancer       Your Killing Us              email: uunet!iex!danny
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: BACS Data Communications Group <commgrp@silver.ucs.indiana.edu>
Subject: hot air
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 15:14:34 GMT

Put labels in your printer and make a bunch:

        +-------------------------+
        |                         |
        | PRESS BUTTON TO RECEIVE |
        | A MESSAGE FROM CONGRESS.|
        |                         |
        +-------------------------+

Stick them on all the hand-dryers you find!

--

Frank     reid@ucs.indiana.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: RFowler@kelvin.jpl.nasa.gov (Robert A. Fowler)
Subject: Re: sick and digusting sheep jokes wanted
Organization: Jet Propulsion Laboratory
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 20:56:30 GMT

In article <1992Apr9.153340.12409@csd.brispoly.ac.uk> m_cole@csd.brispoly.ac.uk (M Cole) writes:

>In article <reynard.702681328@usceast.cs.scarolina.edu!> reynard@susie.cs.scarolina.edu (John Reynard) writes:
>>
>>belgarath@vax1.mankato.msus.edu writes:
>>
>>>Does anyone have any sheep jokes out there?  ANy would be greatly appreciated.
>>>Send them to belgarath@vax1.mankato.msus.edu.
>>>                                     thanks!
>>O.K. here's a really sick one.
>>
>>Why do you have sex with sheep near cliffs?
>>
>>So they push back harder.
>>
>>Truely sick eh?
>>
>Australia - where men are men, and sheep are nervous

Isn't that supposed to be "... where the men are real men, the women are 
real men, and the sheep are real scared."?
    _________________________________________________________________
                        HONDA -- The only way to fly
    o          
  _/\_>   -A proud owner (just wish they were made in the USA)
 O,> / O   [with all respects to Ohio MINE were made in Japan]
           
                           CR500/XL500R/VF500F
                            '88   '82    '84
                           
     Slower trafic keep right (suckzukies, HDs, etc.) ->->->->->->->
    _________________________________________________________________

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mccombj@carr59.alleg.edu (Joseph McCombs)
Subject: Re: "Whatever" phrases...
Organization: Allegheny College
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 02:02:03 GMT


Whatever creams your Twinkie.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: guptaa@.alleg.edu (Godfather)
Subject: Re: anybody got the super blond list?
Organization: Allegheny College
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 05:52:58 GMT

In article <1992Apr13.222923.6604@newserve.cc.binghamton.edu> ba06103@bingsuns.cc.binghamton.edu  
(ba06103) writes:
|*|Sorry to bug you all but does anybody have the compleate super edition of 
|*|the blond jokes???
|*|        thanks
|*|                    -Abel Sussman


	YUP ! ! !


--
<>/\<>\/<>/\<>\/<>/\<>\/<>/\<>\/<>/\<>\/<>/\<>\/<>/\<>\/<>/\<>\/<>/\<>\/<>
        			~~~~~~~~~guptaa@alleg.edu~~~~~~~~~~~
     o				My friends call me ______..in a nutshell.
 ___/(\/	I call myself a spaced out wasted entity existing in an
     <\		astract reality of unreal proportions.......	 
     " "......Touche pussycat!!	
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: stafford@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Running Man)
Subject: Deep Thoughts (reposting)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 23:16:03 GMT
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Thursday, 9 Apr 1992 12:22:54 EDT
From: <MTG112@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Wayne's World
 <1992Apr9.020714.19049@uokmax.ecn.uoknor.edu>

You are all wrong, it's pronounces Sheyah, read the d__n book for
cryin' out loud.


Party on Wayne.  Party on Garth.
Okay, let's move on.

Matt
From: jeffj@ultra.com (Jeff Johnson)
Subject: Re: Humorous euphamisms for screwing...
Reply-To: jeffj@ultra.com (Jeff Johnson)
Organization: Ultra Network Technologies
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 92 00:47:16 GMT

The following is the description that accompanied a gif posting to
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.  Unfortunately, I don't have the info
to properly accredit the description...

Description:    a couple doing the wild thing.  Neither partner's face is
                visible.  She's wearing a black corset which exposes her
                small breasts, and she's playing with herself as he "drives
                the meat bus into tuna town".

-- 
    Jeff Johnson    | Ultra Network Technologies | voice: (408) 922-0100 x284
  jeffj@ultra.com   |     101 Daggett Drive      |   fax: (408) 433-9287
...ames!ultra!jeffj |    San Jose, CA  95134     |   sex: (900) 976-4825
 The difference between ignorance and apathy?  I don't know and I don't care
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.fan.monty-python
From: dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew Korth)
Subject: Re: Does anybody have the script to "The Argument Clinic" ?
Organization: Bradley University
Date:  9 Apr 92 17:53:04 GMT

In <1992Apr08.173923.61035@yuma.acns.colostate.edu> maxwell@lamar.ColoState.EDU (Mark Story) writes:

>In article <dragon.702745649@camelot> dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew Korth) writes:
>>>In article <dragon.702618622@camelot> dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew Korth) writes:
>>>>In <1992Apr06.051634.41805@yuma.acns.colostate.edu> maxwell@lamar.ColoState.EDU (Mark Story) writes:
>>>>
>>>>>In article <1992Apr6.010309.10819@nic.unh.edu> ss1@kepler.unh.edu (The Rink) writes:
>>>>>>>>>I've told you once...
>>>>>>>> No, you haven't.
>>>>>>>Yes I have.
>>>>>>No, I haven't.
>>>>>This isn't an argument, it's just contradiction!
>>>>No it isn't.
>>>You just contradicted me!
>>No I didn't!
>You just did!
I *never*!
--
*** Matt Korth *** dragon@camelot.bradley.edu *** dragon@buhub.bradley.edu ***

Municipal Sewer Department, we've had enough shit out of you...
From: WAUGH@SLACVM.SLAC.STANFORD.EDU
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: NEWSFLASH : POPEYE CARTOONS VIOLATE CLAUSIUS INEQUALITY
Date: 17 Apr 92 00:58:28 GMT
 <srl.703451374@phyast.nhn.uoknor.edu>
Organization: Stanford Linear Accelerator Center

In article <srl.703451374@phyast.nhn.uoknor.edu>, srl@phyast.nhn.uoknor.edu
(Steve Levengood) says:
>
>mcs4041@zeus.tamu.edu (SHARAT SHEKHAR) writes:
>
>
>>    I have long since contended that several events depicted in the immensely
>>popular ( not to mention jejune) Popeye cartoons are in serious violation
>>of the principles of thermodynamics.
>>    Consider for example the situation where Bluto bashes up Popeye and hurls
>>him against a wall whereupon Popeye is transformed into several skittles.
>Now,
>>this itself is a highly improbable event. What is even more ridiculous is
>>the subsequent transformation of the skittles back to Popeye.
>>This process would actually call for a reduction of entropy and is a gross
>>violation of the Clausius inequality.
>>    I think it is in the public interest (and certainly an investment in the
>>hopes for better assimilation of science amongst school children) to launch a
>>protest against the gross negligence of the creators of "Popeye" for their
>>perpetration of such fallacies. ( I grew up thinking coffee would get warmer
>>with time if left alone.)
>>==============================================================================
>=
>>!! Sharat "Flogger-F" Shekhar.      !!                                       !
>!
>>!! Distinguished Professor          !!   "Not only is there no God, but try  !
>!
>>!! of Canine Psycopathology         !!   getting a plumber on weekends"      !
>!
>>!! Tayxis Ain'M Univ                !!              - Woody Allen            !
>!
>>!! Cawlij Styshn, TX                !!                                       !
>!
>>==============================================================================
>=

Funny stuff, no?  Not to laughing boy here...

>
>        Get a fucking life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And such language.  Tsk, tsk.


Brian Waugh                       |    "What's for dinner?"
WAUGH@SLACVM.SLAC.STANFORD.EDU    |         Betty Boop
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dbr2@cec2.wustl.edu (Dhruva Bollam Reddy)
Subject: Re: Steven Wright Jokes...add on!!
Organization: Washington University, St. Louis Mo.
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 16:56:50 GMT

In article <1992Apr13.202533.21503@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu> tadg@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Tad Gralewski) writes:
>rubel0455@iscsvax.uni.edu writes:
>
>>Steven Wright jokes...add your favorites:)
>How about:
>
>I have the world's largest Seashell collection...i have them scattered on
>beaches all over the world.
>
>I'm learning how to play the harmonica...but i cant blow through it
>fast enough...so i have to get in my car and hold it out the window.
>
>Nice night for an evening, huh?
>
>I put another engine in my car, exept I forgot to take the other one out...
>now I can go nine-hundred miles per hour...the harmonica sounds amazing....
>
>Every once and a while, I like to go over to the window, look up, and
>smile for a Satelite picture.....
>
>The other day i mistook my Garage door opener for the TV Remote.  The
>screen opened and there were little rakes and hoes hanging on the wall...
>> 
>> "i have a circular driveway...i can't get out..."
>> "i went to a general store...couldn't get anything specific."
>
>> 
>> I went to a restaurant that had a sign that said "Breakfast Any Time."
>>  I ordered pancakes in the Rennaisance.
>
>>I have a box of instant water at home...problem is I dont know what to add..
>
>>When shooting a mime should you use a silencer?
>
>>The other day I went to unlock the door to my house and I accidentally used my
>>car key and started up my house...so I drove it around for awhile
>
>>I parked it in the middle of the highway and yelled at everyone to get out of
>>my driveway...
>
>>A cop pulled me over and asked where I lived...I said right here...
>
>>XENO
>
>-- 
>Tad Gralewski  --UIUC	   | "There's a Fine Line Between
>tadg@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu      |  Fishing and just Standing on
>Microcomputer Consultant   |  the Shore like an Idoit..."
>Student Instructor         |    --Stephen Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.

I bought some used paint--it was in the shape of a house.

Yesterday, I was, oh no, that wasn't me.


Newsgroups: rec.humor