From: ajw@cbnews.cb.att.com (andrew.j.whitman)
Newsgroups: rec.music.christian
Subject: Re: Dancing with commitment & dating & sex
Date: 26 Jan 93 15:33:06 GMT
Article-I.D.: cbnews.1993Jan26.153306.17348
Organization: AT&T

In article <1993Jan26.055157.28024@microsoft.com> jenk@microsoft.com (Jen Kilmer) writes:
>In article <1993Jan21.203808.25286@titan.tsd.arlut.utexas.edu> conditt@tsd.arlut.utexas.edu (Paul Conditt) writes:
>>In article <1993Jan21.121304.13900@bsu-ucs> 00sanaylor@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu writes:
>>>to refrain from sexual activity until after we were married. 
>>>
>>>In short (the moment you've all been waiting for...) it's about self-control.
>>
>>...Our society, our families and even our churches have taught us a 
>>very warped view of sexuality.  I grew up with the attitude that you can't
>>have sex until you're married, and you shouldn't even think about it until
>>then....Well, my body has been capable of having sex for many years, but
>>I'm not married so I don't have any "proper" outlet for my sexuality.
>
>Frustrating, isn't it?  Doing anything about this part of myself isn't
>allowed, it's "bad", so I try to turn it off, make it go away. BUT, HEY,
>it's something that is supposed to be "good", that married couples 
>shouldn't deny each other (1Cor7).  Confusing.
>
>>We should be teaching
>>our children what sex is really all about.  I'm not talking necessarily a
>>"how-to" talk....What I'm talking about is a healthy view on what sex is
>>for, what it's not for, what needs it meets and things like that.
>
>I agree!! I know the how-to's and how-not-to's, I'm comfortable with
>stating what I am and am not comfortable with. What I didn't understand
>was why sex was supposed to be so sacred & therefore only for marriage.
>
>This is something I have occasionally discussed with a friend (who 
>happens to be a strong Christian, and who happens to be very happily
>married).  His view of sex was very different from mine - and has helped
>me tremendously.  I don't think I could overstate the difference that
>our talks have made. 
>
>>Our world tells us that we are defined by our sexuality.  Our churches often
>>tell us that our sexuality is not really a part of us, or at least not
>>until we're married.  
>
>It's part of the "old nature", it's "of the flesh"....
>
>>I think that we need to address this issue in a healthy manner on ground
>>somewhere in between the two extremes....We are *not* defined by
>>our sexuality, but it *does* have a strong impact on us, even if we're *not*
>>married.  
>
>>In order to practice abstinence, I think we need to have a 
>>healthy view of what sex is all about.  

An interesting discussion.

A large Protestant denomination (I won't reveal which one in order to
protect the innocent/guilty/whoever) recently did a survey of its
membership to determine the sexual attitudes and behaviors of its
members.  Here's what they found:

- Members of the denomination were just as likely as people outside the 
church to have practiced pre-marital sex.

- Members of the denomination were just as likely as people outside the 
church to have had extra-marital affairs.

- The divorce rate for members of the denomination was slightly higher 
than the national average.

- Approximately 60% of the divorced-but-not-remarried members of the
denomination under the age of 45 described themselves as "sexually active."

Now, one could argue about whether these people were really Christians,
but that's not the point.  The point is that vast numbers of people
who regularly attend church, and who certainly view themselves as
Christians, are either unaware of or are ignoring biblical principles
and teachings on sexuality.  

That tells me that the Church (and no, it's not just this particular
denomination) has a big problem.  The Church has historically dealt
with sexuality in one of two ways - it either ignores it entirely, or
it pronounces condemnation and heaps guilt upon those who deviate
from God's standard of sex within marriage.  *Neither* approach 
addresses the real issues.  Obviously, ignoring the problem solves
nothing.  And I would argue that merely parroting Scripture about
what God expects for sexual human beings does little to address
the problems that arise when people *fail* to live up to God's
expectations - which they apparently do all the time.

Like it or not, the idea of Christians remaining "chaste" and "pure"
before marriage and "faithful" after marriage is largely a myth in
today's society.  Certainly all the statistics show that if a person
becomes a Christian after the age of say, sixteen or seventeen,
the argument is probably already a moot point.  And, increasingly,
married Christians have succumbed to the temptations of adultery.
It's not just Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker.  It's Pete and Paula
Pewsitter, and it's Danny Deacon and Martha Missionary.  And the 
Church is *fooling* itself if it thinks that its members are immune
from these temptations just because they know Jesus.  All the 
evidence says that that's simply not the case.

So, what should the Church do?  Throw in the towel, admit that the
world has won, rationalize away Scripture and pretend that Jesus
didn't *really* mean the things He said about marriage and 
becoming one flesh?  Of course not.  But the Church should admit
it has a problem.  It should talk about sexuality, and it should
talk about the very real temptations that its members will face.
It should offer encouragement to those who are struggling.  And
it should offer forgiveness to those who have fallen.  Jesus
told a woman caught in sexual sin, "I don't condemn you.  Go and
sin no more."  Somehow those strike me as the *last* words that
I would expect to hear in many churches. 

Jesus also said that the road to eternal life is narrow.  It's
difficult.  I don't think we can use that as an excuse to sin, but
it should at least make us realize how easy it is to veer off the
road.  We don't encourage people to get back on the road by
kicking their bicycles and telling them that they're terrible
drivers.  We do it by picking them up, dusting them off, and 
pointing the way they should go.  It's a cliche, but it applies
in so many areas, including this one:  we need to speak the truth
in love.  Lord, give us hearts for You and compassion for others.

Andy Whitman
AT&T Bell Laboratories, Columbus, Ohio
att!cblpn!ajw  or
ajw@cblpn.att.com
Newsgroups: rec.music.christian