HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Rings
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 92 21:30:35 GMT

In article <10292287.10430.3835@kcbbs.gen.nz> Ben_Keng@kcbbs.gen.nz (Ben Keng) writes:
>
> What particular meanings are associated by the wearing of rings on  
>different fingers on either hand? Do you think there are differences  
>based on culture? Do any of you ladies wear them as a 'deterrent', sign  
>of commitment or just as a fashion statement?  
>  
> In particular, the meaning of a ring on the 4th finger on the right  
>hand..  
>   
My experience as a man is that women wear rings because they like the 
way they look, with the exception of engagement and wedding rings 
(which usually look like you would expect), and 'going steady'
rings on schoolgirls. But everyone seems to have their own set
of unwritten rules about these things.

I know one woman who will move her rings around when dealing with
certain people in business. She says they treat her better when she
does. It seems a bit sleazy to me, but then if they can't keep their
minds on business, that's pretty sleazy too.

I know one married woman who won't wear a wedding band. I have known a
number of women who have lived with their guy so long the might as well
be married. I don't think any of them wear rings to indicate they are
'taken'. I know a man who wears his wedding ring on the right hand
because he is left-handed. A number of the girls I knew in high school
liked to wear rings on their right-hand ring finger to show they had a
boyfriend.

None of this would be the slightest bit annoying if it weren't for all
those people who expect you to tell at a glance that they are married,
unmarried but attached, or unattached, and act appropriately. I don't
know if they expect you to figure this out from rings or it is just
supposed to be obvious from their body language.

I do pay attention to wedding rings, though, because I think some women
really feel uncomfortable if you treat them as though you don't know
they are married.

As you might expect, I don't want to date women who already have
boyfriends.  But these days I don't worry too much about whether or not
a woman I don't know has a boyfriend, because I have faith that I will
either the woman will reject my advances outright, or she will mention
she has a boyfriend. The worst that has happened to me using this 
approach is that I have had two or three lunch dates with the same
woman before finding out that she had a boyfriend. But I think that
is better than assuming that someone is taken every time you see 
a ring.

If any women out there want to make a point that they are unattached, I
would suggest not wearing any rings, at least on the ring fingers.
Unless you are observant, it can be hard to remember after the fact
whether that was a silver ring or a gold ring, which hand it was on,
and so forth.

Michael.
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 16:34:30 EDT
From: <MGR104@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re puzzled..

     As a person from the outside looking in, it seems that you are finally
getting over your x-boyfriend.  I, myself went out with a girl for over a year
before breaking up with her.  I didn't break up with her because of something
she did or anything like that, it was because I felt we just weren't right for
each other.  Presently, I am going out with someone else whom I feel is really
good for me and we've been going out for two-and-a-half years.  It took me a
while to get over my X but I felt that I had done the right thing for the both
of us.  This was the confusing thing.  I wasn't just doing it for myself (I
know how fake this must sound), but I was doing it for the two of us.  I wanted
us both to find someone else who was better for us (are you following me, I
promise I'll get to the point soon).  What I'm saying is that sometimes
relationships don't work, not because the couple doesn't work at it but
because the two people involved aren't right for each other in one way or
another.  I think somewhere inside you can feel that (I'm sorry if I'm making
broad assumptions here), and yet you still want your X to be alright and happy.
I know that the hardest thing is the love and affection that you're missing.
This is probably why you almost wish it was you having fun with him.  You
remember the good times you had with them and want that feeling back again.
I have been dumped on before, I know how it feels.  What you're feeling is not
uncommon, I went through it myself.  Be persistent, get back out there and find
yourself another SO, you may find someone even better for you than you X was
for you.  It does happen, keep your chin up!



                            -Socrates
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: An emerald as an engagement ring?
From: peregrin@husc13.harvard.edu
Date: 11 Oct 92 21:50:29 EDT
Organization: Harvard Business School

In article <1992Oct11.200412.624@news.uiowa.edu>, haferman@icaen.uiowa.edu (Jeff Haferman) writes:
> 
> Question:
> 
>   How does this ring "stuff" work?
> 
> We were in a jewlery store the other day looking at rings.  An
> emerald ring caught here eye.  I must admit I thought it was
> very nice - a big clear green emerald with two smallish diamonds
> on a gold band.  She said she would rather have that than a
> diamond ring as an engagement ring.
> 
> What do you think about this?  Will an emerald ring lose its
> "appeal" after a while?  I figure I'll just let her think
> about it for a few weeks and see how she feels then.
> 

	An emeral engagement ring is fine.  The only thing I would
like to point out (from experience) is that an emerald is much softer
stone than a diamond.  Therefore it will chip and scratch.   Therefore
it is not a good stone for day-to-day wearing.

> Another question:
> 
> Once I get the engagement ring, how do I proceed as far as finding
> wedding bands?  I mean, should I get the engagement ring now, and
> then in a few months, or a year, or whatever do we go out together
> and find the wedding bands?

	Generally, this is the procedure:

	1) You get engaged.  Generally, you do this when you present
the ring to the woman.

	2) She sets a wedding date.  *SHE* sets it, not you.  You can
suggest an appropriate month, but she will finalize that date.  Why?
Because she will probably want a date that does not coincide with her
period.
	There is no real guideline as to how long after you ask her
to marry you and the moment she declares the date.  Generally, if she
does not do the annoucing (of some future date)a within a year after you a
re engaged, it is called a "long engagement" and people begin to wonder
 what is up.
	Please note that long engagements are more acceptible these days, and
people often put off the marriage ceremony until they are more finacially
secure or out of graduate school, etc.

	3) After she announces the date you start planning the wedding.
If you have a big wedding (60+ people, reception hall, rehearsal dinner,
limo, church, honeymoon), start planning at least 9 months in advance.
If you plan to do it on the cheap (and I recommend that), then 5-3
months is good enough.

	Invitations should go out at least 6 weeks before the date.

(start buying those bride magazines!)

-James
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Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ncole@nyx.cs.du.edu (Noah Cole)
Subject: Long Distance/HS-College Relatinshps.
Organization: Macalester College, St. Paul Minnesota USA
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 92 05:10:52 GMT

I recently posted about this in soc.college, but someone (thanks) suggested thatI post here as well...

I am involved in a relationship with a girl at home in New Hampshire who is in her Junior year of High School.  I started my first year of college here at
Macalester in Minnesota this past August.  My phone bill is very large and I
am really trying to keep this relationship alive.. I think.  Everything I hear
(for the mst part) tells me to let it die because "they never work out: HS
vs. College" etc... But even though I do hear this I don't want to and I believe
it in my heart that it will not go on forever, I believe even deeper down that
It won't dire.. so here I am stuck.,  I don't know what I think.. but I think
that I am sure that I really love my girlfriend.  I won't even see her untill
Christmas and we don't know what time and distance will have done to our feelings.  Does anyone out there have suggestions for HS/College relationships?
Anything woudl help.. thanks

-Noah Cole
--
NCOLE@MACALSTR.EDU
ncole@nyx.cs.du.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: enrietjr@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (jennifer)
Subject: thank you for the help!
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Distribution: alt.romance
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 03:11:54 GMT

First I would like to say thank you to everyone who wrote and told me to call
"him", and I thought that I would let you know how things went...

***************************************************************************
***************************************************************************
ME:	i'm gonna die, i'm gonna die, i'm gonna die... but before I go, I'm
	gonna call *him* up...
	
	***-****
		ring...
		ring...

MALE VOICE:	hello?

ME:	Hi! Is *he* there?

VOICE:		hold on, lemme check.

ME:	i'm gonna die, i'm gonna die, i'm gonna die...

VOICE:		No, he is in Michigan.

ME:	do you know when to expect him back by chance?

VOICE: 		probably Tuesday night.

ME: 	ok,  thank you!
**************************************************************************
**************************************************************************

Well, now that I have put my neck onto the chopping block, and seen my 
excuse for a love life flash before my eyes... I think I'll wait until Wednesdayto see him... No real need to try again -yet.
Thanks again to everyone! Without your support, I would have never done it! 

		hugs, 
			kisses, 
				and other indoor sports,

				-*-Jennifer-*-



Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: How do you tell a girl your feelings?
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 92 17:20:40 GMT

>In <1at65rINN6cr@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> cf017@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Christopher P Readence) writes:

>I've known her for almost 5 years now.  I think she liked me when
>we first met, but I wasn't interested because she was 16 and
>I was 20.

>friend -- we think think almost totally alike.

>In the past year, I've noticed her acting more and more like "more
>than a friend".  I told her I wanted to be friends, and that's all,
>but I've noticed that my feelings for her have been leaning
>towards romantic love and not, as I've told her, platonic love.

>We're really good friends, and I know she'll still be a friend if
>I tell her my feelings, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to if she
>tells me "LJBF".  What should I do, just come out and say it, that
>I'm crazy about her now, or should I first do a little probing to
>see if she's still interested?

(I missed the original posting, so I hope I didn't miss any 
important details).

I think if I was in your shoes, I would do neither. Telling her you're
crazy about her might just work, but it could scare her away
if she isn't ready to hear it. Probing involves too much guess work and
you might decide that she is not interested in romance without really
knowing.

What I would suggest is that, if you know you want to get romantically
involved, is to very gently push her in that direction. Start out by
being just a little more romantic than you have been, but not so much
that she is sure to notice. At each step along the way, if she responds
positively, get a little more romantic. If she responds negatively,
slow down. Keep doing this until you fully in a romantic relationship
or you get tired of trying. Save telling her how you feel until 
you are sure she will enjoy hearing it.

It will take patience to do this, but if you have been at it for five
years already, why be in a rush? Good relationship are build slowly.
Besides which, if you take it slowly, this should be fun for both
of you.

Good Luck,
Michael.
Organization: Engineering Design Research Center, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 09:31:04 -0400 
From: "Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz" <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: How long has it been?

The last time I saw 'my sweet' was about 10am Sunday morning. 
The last time I kissed a member of the opposite sex who wasn't
a father, brother, etc. was about 11am Sunday morning.

What does this say? You don't have to have a sweetie to kiss 
members of the opposite sex. Kissing can be a greeting, a parting,
a sign of friendly affection, etc. 

Kissing is not just for your RP.

ag
From: jaker@csugrad.cs.vt.edu (Jake Rose)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Won't have Sex with a Fat Guy
Date: 17 Oct 92 00:57:41 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Virginia Tech Computer Science Dept, Blacksburg, VA

patstew@oz.plymouth.edu (Pat Steward) writes:

>>       What is worse is when your SO constantly complains about how big they
>>are getting and nevers does anything about, even with constant help, like come
>>on lets go work out, or "I jsut bought you an excersize bike that you asked
>>for, now can you at least sit on it once?"  What do i do in this type of
>>situation?  There is consent on both sides that said person needs to lose
>>weight, but said person refuses to do anything about it. Said person also
>>complains consatantly about being over weight.  Whats the deal, I don't get
>>it will someone please explain it to me.  Please

>The deal is that, for some people, overeating is a *disease*, similar

Obesity and alcoholism are *genetic dispositions*.  They are not "diseases".
That is a bullshit excuse for people who can't cope with their problems.
There are actually very few cases that can't be helped by eating right and
exercising regularly.

However, there's nothing wrong with being overweight, unless you count the
decreased lifespan and other health issues. :)

>Pat Martin Steward                          patstew@oz.plymouth.edu
>I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is;
>I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express senti-
>ments that differentiate me from a doormat.       Rebecca West, 1913
-- 

Wulf                    |"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!"
jaker@csugrad.cs.vt.edu |
-- 

Wulf                    |"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!"
jaker@csugrad.cs.vt.edu |
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: twromero@McRCIM.McGill.EDU (Michael Lin)
Subject: Re: B-day present for boyfriend?
Originator: twromero@damrod.mcrcim.mcgill.edu
Organization: McGill Research Centre for  Intelligent Machines
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 92 00:04:55 GMT


In article <Oct12.205022.70816@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU>, cv235890@longs.lance.colostate.edu (Carol Vollmer) writes:
|> 
|>    Hello,
|> 
|> I would like some suggestions on what to get my boyfriend for his birthday.
|> We have only been going out for about two months, but I would like to get
|> him something special.  He is going to be 22 on the 22 of October.  Guys 
|> what do you like to get as a gift from your girlfriend?  If it helps any
|> our relationship began mostly with him chasing me.  So I know he's crazy
|> about me, I just haven't let him know how much I really like him. 
|> Or if any of the women out there have got some ideas let me know.
|> 
|> Thanks,
|> 
|> Carol


   This birthday of mine I got a wallet (a very expensive designer label
   Italian made, not necessary, unless you can afford which is kinda nice
   because you kind of know that you are worth that kind of money to her,
   but if you can't afford, doesn't mean you care any less for your guy
   than mine for me) filled with pictures we had taken together since
   we met - 3 weeks. She carefully had all these pictures shrunk to
   wallet sizes and had them placed in protective plastic which sit nicely
   in the compartment of the wallet.


   I was VERY touched... needless to say...

  
michael
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.couples
From: scott@ssvs.gsfc.nasa.gov (Tom Scott)
Subject: Re: SWF's & SBM's - Does Society Worry Way Too Much???
Keywords: Mixed Dating. Jungle Fever. Love is Colorblind...
Organization: Goddard Space Flight Center
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 08:55:49 GMT


Living in a DC burb, I (WM) lived with a BF for 2 years, struggling in the
relationship for reasons unrelated to outside race issues.  With that said,
we DID have these outside pressures.  It's been said here that WM's are
lowered in social status- I didn't see this.  I simply had conflicts
with black and white racists, that would have been encountered in a BM/WF situ.
Also, IMHO, WM/BF isn't SO rare along the central East Coast.

>      then again, there's an element of racism, even among people who do not
> seem racist (I know a logical contradiction, but I can't explain it better),

Allow me.  My parents, who did raise me, vanished from my life after one
specific day.  Quite a rude awakening.

I've felt the pain, yes, but I will always say without hesitation, if you
love someone, go with your heart.  These outside pressures will ALWAYS be
just that, outside.  They never touch in the slightest that intimate bond.

				Tom
(scott@ros3.gsfc.nasa.gov)
From: joshua@acpub.duke.edu (Joshua Goldie)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Explosions of Nature.
Date: 17 Oct 92 00:11:51 GMT
Organization: Duke University; Durham, N.C.

In article <1blk28INNmr1@agate.berkeley.edu> bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan) writes:
>In article <Bw6CqB.6vF@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( ) writes:
[stuff deleted]
>>The net result of this is a massive surge of violent emotions
>>which generally manifests itself when no one else is around,
>>mainly because I don't want to hurt anyone else.  And so 

pretty normal feeling, I guess.  might not be too healthy though...

>head hurts so much from strange headaches (having one right this minute)
>that I just want to bang it against the wall and get the pain over with.

sounds like a great way to relieve pain, beating your head against a
wall...  sorry, couldn't resist

>	2) Find a gym and just work yourself out...play a hard game of
>rachetball and smash the sh*t out of the little blue ball.  Run and feel
>the wind benith your wings.  Work out your anger, don't keep it in.  
>Remove those excess energy from your body.  Find physical peace (or just
>dog-tiredness)

Excellent suggestion. It always works for me.  Another thing you could try
is going to a video arcade.  Find the most violent game in the place and
engage in some mass slaughter (the one where you point an uzi at the screen
is really good for this.)  Lots of killing and the only casualty is your
roll of quarters... good luck with your hoistility.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: amymw@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Amy Wisotsky)
Subject: Re: Won't have Sex with a Fat Guy
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 15:52:49 GMT

keithg@cnmhnet.UUCP (keith garrard) writes:

>In article <1992Oct13.161621.6126@bnr.ca> P.8188 writes:

>>Lately, she came out and told him if he didn't lose weight, she wouldn't
>>have sex with him anymore.  He was very upset (to say the least) and is
>>
>I don't blame her at all.  She should be upset with her
>husband for not taking care of himself.  She has told him
>how she feels.  If he doesn't do anything about it, then
>she should dump him and get someone with some self respect.

If she's upset because it seems like he's not taking good care of
himself, that's one thing.  But she shouldn't just drop a marriage of
16 years on account of a weight-gain.  She needs to be helpful and
reassuring.  I agree with the person who suggested they exercise
together.  Even if he _does_ try to do something about it, it will
take time.  It ain't gonna happen overnight, and they both have to
realize that.

							-Amy-
							 :)
----                                      
Amy M. Wisotsky -- amymw@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu 
"Once upon a time, in your wildest dreams...." 
				-Moody Blues   
        				  ----
From: conser@CS.ColoState.EDU (glenn eldon conser)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Query
Date: 8 Oct 92 23:46:43 GMT
Organization: Catatonic State University

In article <1992Oct8.142455.1@emu.insted.unimelb.edu.au> s344021@emu.insted.unimelb.edu.au writes:

>By the way...you have probable been asked this quite a lot but can someone
>please mail me and explain the Initial abreviations you all use for some of
>the words...

Me too, please.  Or maybe some kind soul could post them?


-- 
See Ya'
-- Glenn
		If money can't buy love, why do all my dates 
			start at the cash machine?
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: How do you know if you are in love?
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 92 21:44:51 GMT

In article <00961ECF.F5607000@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> gcv2010@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
....
>You'll know you're in love when it happens, you don't have to ask for a list of
>criteria and opinions.
>
>IMHO, and experience, Love sneaks up behind you and hits you over the head with
>a shovel and runs away laughing gleefully.  And you may say, NO, WAIT, this
>is not the one I would have chosen, this is not how I thought it would be,
>can't we talk this over....but it won't matter.  You're in love.
>And because you love this person, this person will bring out all of your
>best qualities and you will feel like a new, improved version of yourself. 
>
>Someone will ask you why you love this person, and while you may be able to
>list their admirable qualities ad nauseum, the Real, True Answer will be a slow
>shrug of the shoulders, a soft smile, and an "I don't know.  I just love."
>
>Cheryl
>
I agree with this 100%. If you think you've never been in love, this
may seem like a cop-out. But there is no magic to it. Love is a
decision to accept someone without reservations, a decision that is
made outside conscious thought. And like any decision, you may not know
how you are going to decide as you are coming to a decision, but you
know with certainty after you have made that decision.

I think the reason why this brings out the best in us is that we want
the one we love to appreciate us, but even more we want them to accept
us for what we are. So, instead of trying to impress them by tricking
them, we are forced to try to the best we can be.

Michael.


Newsgroups: alt.romance