From: record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Subject: History of the world according to student bloopers
Reply-To: record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Organization: LMSC, Sunnyvale, California
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 92 13:06:44 GMT

EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT'S WORLD HISTORY TESTS AND COMPOSITIONS:

	The inhabitants of Ancient Egypt were called mummies.  They
lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot.  The climate of
the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so
certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation.
	The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and
Spain.  The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge
triagular cube.
	The Bible is full of interesting caricatures.  In the first
book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an 
apple tree.  One of their children, Cain, once asked, "am I my 
brother's son?"
	God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Monteruma.
Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark.  Jacob was a
patriarch who brought up his 12 sons to be patriarchs, but they did
not take to it.  One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the
Israelites.
	Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without
straw.  Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.  Afterward,
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments.
	David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.  He
fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical
times.  Solomn, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 
porcupines.
	Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history.  The Greeks
invented three types of columns -- Corinthian, Doric and Ironic.
They also had myths.  A myth is a female moth.
	One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the
River Stynx until he became intollerable.  Achilles appears in _The
Iliad_, by Homer.  Homer also wrote _The Oddity_, in which 
Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured upon his journey.
Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that
name.
	Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
people advice.  They killed him.  Socrates died from an overdose of
wedlock.
	Life in ancient Greece reeked with Joy. In the Olympic Games,
Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java.
The reward to the victor was a coral wreath.
	The government in Athens was democratic because the people
took the law into their own hands.  There were no wars in Greece,
as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see
what their neighbors were doing.  When they fought with the Persians,
the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
	Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks.  History calls
people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
At Roman banquets, the guests wore garters in their hair.
	Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of
Gaul.  The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was 
going to be made king.  Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture
his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
	Then came the Middle Ages.  King Alfred conquered the Dames.
King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery.  King Harold mustarded his
troops before the battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by
Bernard Shaw and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their 
necks.  Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be
hanged twice for the same offence.
	In midevil times most of the people were alliterate.  The 
greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote poems and verses
and also wrote literature.  Another tale tells of William Tell, who
shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
	The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the
value of their human being.  Martin Luther was nailed to the church
door at Wittenburg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible
death, being excommunicated by a bull.  It was the painter
Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of
the Renaissance.
	It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.  Gutenberg
invented the Bible.  Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure 
because he invented cigarettes.  Another important invention was the
circulation of blood.  Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with
a 100 foot clipper.
	The government of England was a limited mockery.  Henry VIII
found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee.  Queen
Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen."  As a queen she was a success.  
When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted,
"Hurrah!"  Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
	The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William 
Shakespear.  Shakespear never made much money and is famous only 
because of his plays.  He lived at Windsor with his merry wives,
writing tragedies, comedies, and errors.  In one of Shakespear's
famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself
in a long soliloquy.  In another, Lady MacBeth tries to convince
MacBeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood.  Romeo and Juliet
are an example of a heroic couplet.
	Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes.
He wrote _Donkey Hote_.  The Next great author was John Milton.
Milton wrote _Paradise Lost_.  Then his wife died and he wrote 
_Paradise Regained_.