From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How to tell if you are in love
Keywords: Infatuation
Date: 6 Oct 92 18:41:51 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1992Oct5.174734.6397@ennews.eas.asu.edu> naveena@enuxhb.eas.asu.edu (Naveena Michael) writes:
>
>Hi again folks
>	This question of how to tell if you are in love has always baffled me.
>But more so as to how to distinguish between infatuation and love.... When you
>are infatuated with a person you FEEL that you are in love with that person,
>right?
>	And somebody suggested that we wait and find out...well for how long
>does one wait??.  What is a SURE sign that you are in love with the person
>and not just infatuated with them.
>
Good question.

I think of myself as a romantic, but I think you need think about this
more concretely. You know how you feel for the other person, and 
what you are worried about is that you won't feel the same way 
for them in the future. Or perhaps you are worried that he
will not feel the same way for you in the future. 

I don't think there is a magic difference between infatuation and love.
Infatuation is love without roots. I think that (romantic) love always
starts as infatuation. You idealize the other person to the degree that
you have trouble seeing them as a real person, with human shortcomings
and annoying habits. It is easier to do this if you don't already know
the other person well, but you can do it with someone you do know well.
As you spend time with this person, you eyes will open up again to the
person's faults. Sometimes this happens because you become more
comfortable around them, and sometimes it can just be that the
difference between the idealized person and the real one is so great it
cannot be ignored forever. If you can see the other person as a real
person, and you still feel that love for them, then that is 'true'
love. I think you can see that this is a matter of degree.

I don't think there is any way to tell while you are infatuated whether
'true' love will develop. And I think that the reason for this is that
'true' love is not the result of a good match between two people, but
is the result of two people who can and do work together to make a 
relationship that can support love.

If you think you are infatuated, don't take that as a sign that
things are bound to go wrong. With time you will move out of infatuation.
With luck, and hard work, it will be into 'true' love. Otherwise, 
sadly, it will be into a non-romantic relationship.

So, my advice if you think you are infatuated, and your SO is a willing
partner, enjoy it. Don't get married or make any long term commitments
until you are sure, but go ahead as if you love them, since it is the
only way to find out.

I guess the other half of the question is about your SO. Again, I have
to be un-Romantic and say that loving another person is no guarantee
that they will love you also.  It is hard not to love someone who loves
you, but it is not impossible.  It is natural to worry about this, but
I think that there is no point in worrying. I think that at a certain
point, if your love is strong you will decide that you are going to
love the other person no matter what they do.  Then you can concentrate
on developing a relationship with your SO. If you can keep someone who
likes you in a relationship where you can give them love and affection,
then chances are good that they will eventually love you too.

So, again, if you have a willing partner, and you know you are in love,
keep at it. Only time will tell, but there is no other way to find
out.

Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance