From: mgundeko@pcserver2.Naitc.Com (Murthy Gundekota)
Subject: Letter to Bob (Re: Letter to NBC)
Organization: Somewhere near Chicago
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 92 19:26:50 GMT

In article <1992Jul29.180529.1842@csrd.uiuc.edu> ghosh@sp1.csrd.uiuc.edu (Sanjoy Ghosh) writes:
>I am sure dear sir/madam will be very relieved to know that you don't
>particularly mind their apparent ignorance and condescending attitudes 
>as long as they know their place, and confine it to news stories.  
>All the same, it was nice of you to write,
>Sanjoy Ghosh
>ghosh@csrd.uiuc.edu

If those people are so dumb, they wouldn't even know about Internet, or
call it multi-media. Daaa...? Anyway, I would like to suggest the
following letter to Bob Costas, one of my favorite TV talk show hosts. 

---------------------------
Dear Bob:

It is awfully nice to be able to write to you. By the way, how is your
fish face looking today in the mirror? Keep it trim without scales and
apply good cod liver oil. Remember what Jack Costeau told you about
the secret of his younger looking skin?

Now, Bob, I have a teeny weeny penny problem up my youknowhat.  So far
I have relied on your wisdom as a late night talk show host, basically
the guy who farts when everybody is asleep, to spend my miserable
lonely nights. Somehow between the pillow and your face on the TV
screen, a big hole always emerges that seems to relieve all of my
marsupial flights. Although my analyst calls it a nightmare, I would
like to think of it as your wonderful gaping mouth fit to be worn on
Las Vegas show girls. 

Well, Bob, without further ado this is my problem. You hurt my
passies.  I mean you hurt my brothers and sisters. You hurt my
underwear weavers, my jewelry makers, my pickle manufacturers, and the
people who blessed my anatomy. You ,fish face, are hurting Indians. In
fact, you are hurting all the neighbors of India. You know what that
means?  You are going to get all the rotten fish Bangladesh's poor
could afford to sacrifice, so you can keep your kid face pretty on TV,
while the Bangladesh athletes may be completely invisible to your bat
eyes. By the way, did I ever tell you that your day vision is almost
non-existent. Remember that show you had to do one day, instead of
night, and you were not even there in it?

Okay, Bob, you are not as smart as anyone would think you are,
especially the NBC executive nitwits. Now is the time to pass the
microphone on to David Letterman, your mentor, numero uno role model,
and most of all the guy who doesn't pretend he is any more smarter
than a weather man he truly was. Well, Bob, what were you before you
became a fart on TV? I bet you didn't attend graduate school, even in
that outdoor cesspool media schools of California. Surely, you don't
need that kind of ambiance to cultivate your impeccable manners Bob.
Basically, your frame is so diminutive, you practically float over
your gas. But then, what do you know, you can never guess, Newton will
disagree.  

All right Bob, I will leave you alone for now. Just zip up your fly and
don't scare the kids at night. Try to lip-synch and not say a word on
TV. And most of all, give those athletes from the poor countries
credit for JUST BEING THERE! They ain't got no GE big-shark fart to
sponsor their trips. Got it Bob?


Your number one fan,

Murthy Gundekota