From: amberle@staff.tc.umn.edu (Amberle S Ferrian)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney
Subject: spoof on "Belle" (rated PG)
Date: 12 Nov 92 03:27:26 GMT
Article-I.D.: news2.1992Nov12.032726.8127
Organization: University of Minnesota

This parody of the opening number from BatB was inspired last spring while I
was studying for the final of a particularly difficult and unpleasant class,
and I've dug it up and hope that it's worth a laugh or two.

Given the major flamewar resulting from the "Be My Guest" spoof, I feel
compelled to add the following long-winded Mother-In-Law Of All
Disclaimers (tm):

This parody contains no sexually explicit material, or anything else even
vaguely pornographic, but contains an expletive here and there.  Parental
discretion is advised.  If this is still too much for you, junk the article
now.  Comments to rec.arts.disney or /home/cme10/amberle; flames redirected
to /dev/null.  Federal law prohibits tampering with smoke detectors in 
lavatories of this aircraft.  No pain, no gain.  This disclaimer gives you
speciic legal rights, and you may have other rights that may vary from state
to state.


(there.  that ought'll do it. :-) 
And if by chance the instructor of the inspiring class is reading this, THE
PROF. IN HERE ISN'T YOU!!!



"Hell"
(sung to the tune of "Belle", from Disney's BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)
new lyrics by Amberle Ferrian

[Imagine Belle, the heroine of the movie, as a college student taking--but
not enjoying--a killer class with a really slimy professor.  Belle comes out
of her dorm building and starts walking to campus, bookbag in hand replacing
her basket.]

Belle:	Oh this course
	It is so unpleasant!
	Ev'ry night, studying 'til dawn
	I wake up, and I drown in coffee
	Before class I say

Students 1-5:  
	This sucks!  This sucks!  This sucks this sucks this sucks!

Belle:	There's my old boyfriend complaining as always
	The same old bitch-n-moans to tell
	Ev'ry morning just the same
	Since the first day that we came
	To this Godforsaken class

Exbeau:	Man, this is hell!
Belle:	Tell me about it!
Exbeau:	Where are you off to?
Belle:	The library.  I just finished the most painful assignment!
	Full of equations, and integrals, and...
Exbeau:	That's gross!  Can I copy it?  Ok, thanks!

Assorted Students:
	Look at her, people, she's dead tired, no question
	Pulled an all-nighter, can't you tell?
	Can't enjoy this fine spring day
	Too much work is in the way
	No denying that this semester is hell!

	"Hello!  Good day!  How was the last test?"
	"Hello!  Good day!  It ain't a trife!"
	"I need an A!"  "That's not realistic!"
Belle:	I don't want this to be my whole damn life!

[Belle walks to the library circulation desk]

Belle:	Good morning, I've come to return the text I borrowed.
Librarian:
	Finished already?
Belle:  I couldn't understand it.  Have you got anything easier?
Lib'n:	They've all been checked out!
Belle:	That's all right!  I'll just...forget about it!
Lib'n:	Give up?  But you'll fail!
Belle:	But I can't stand this class!  Unfair grading, boring labs, stupid
	readings, a professor who can't teach!
Lib'n:	If you hate it all that much, just drop it!
Belle:	But how!
Lib'n:  Just do it!
Belle:	Well, I'll forge a drop card.  Thank you very much!

[Geeky TA for the class walks by]
More Assorted Students:
	Look here he comes, the TA's tot'lly useless
	He sure don't know this stuff that well.
	Problem sessions are a joke
	When they're taught by this poor bloke
	And on top of that, he needs a bath, he smells!

Belle:	Oh, isn't this disgusting!
	My exam is back, and don't you see
	Here's where I lost thirty points
	And he said we wouldn't cover this 'til Chapter Three.

Still More Assorted Students:
	Now it's no wonder that we all are flunking
	The prof has got no heart, it seems
	And underneath it all
	I think he's having a ball
	Very cruel to all of us is he
	Grades on a curve based on a D
	This class turns all our minds to sour cream!

[Professor walks by with a weasly postdoc following]

Postdoc:	
	Wow, you pull out all the stops, Doctor!  You're the worst instructor
	in the whole world!
Prof:	I know!
PDoc:	No undergrad alive can understand your lectures!  Heh, heh, no grad
	student, either!
Prof:	It's true, of course!  And I've got my sights set on failing...THAT
	one!
[points to Belle]
PDoc:	A first-year!  But they're...
Prof:	The most clueless of them all!
PDoc:	But..
Prof:	That makes them the easiest!  And shouldn't I start with the easiest?
PDoc:	Of course, you should, but but...

Prof:	Right from the moment when I lost my tenure
	I said "My research didn't sell!"
	They're gonna run me out of town
	So I'll drag this college down
	And I'm making plans to turn this class to hell!

Bimbettes:
	Look there he goes.  Ain't he an asshole!
	But I--need a--passing grade now!
	I'll offer me!  Yes, I have sunk low!
	One night with him and I'll graduate somehow!

[Prof. walks in classroom]

TA	Prof	TA	   Student 1  Student 2  Student 3

Hello!	Pardon! Good day!  Oh no!     This seat is taken
						 What a lovely day!

Student 1  Student 2	Student 1  Prof	      Student 1

To sleep...Do it here.	Ok!	   'tenshun!  Wake me when he's done!

Prof			       Students       Prof	 Students

Please listen up!  Now class...<yawn snore>...Pop quiz!  Huh what?

Student 1

You are mistaken!

Belle:  I don't want this to be my whole damn life!
Prof:	I'll make you suffer just like my ex-wife!

Student Chorus:
	Here we go once more, as confused as always
	Until we are saved by the bell
	We hate this, but alas
	It's a required class
	So let's grin and get this over with
	It hurts but we'll get this over with
	We'll somehow make it through this class
	From hell!
---
Amberle Ferrian		 |  Never *count* on miracles--RELY on them!
<amberle@epx.cis.umn.edu>|		Amberle's Corollary to Murphy's Law
Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney