From: sykopath@leland.Stanford.EDU (Mickey)
Subject: the word is properly written "sperm" (was Re: SPERM backrub)
Keywords: silly, foolish people who post things to the wrong newsgroup
Organization: DSG, Stanford University, CA 94305, USA
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 92 10:07:14 GMT


NOTE: the following article is a slam on "SEAN MCNAIR"`s recent post.
If you don't like flames, skip ahead to the next article, where I 
address more seriously (and in a backrub-related way) the concepts
and ideas (I use the terms loosely here) suggested in SEAN's article.



In article <mcnair.23.718746985@slab.unt.edu> mcnair@slab.unt.edu (SEAN MCNAIR) writes:
>[mildly perverse description of private activities deleted]

Sean, Sean, Sean.  Don't you have anything better to do with your time?
(um...I hope you don't take this wrong...but I've always found that
obtaining a romantic relationship with a member of the attractive gender
is significantly more satisfying than either doing the sort of activities
described in your post, or posting about them on the net...)

>I then get some unsuspecting girl to come to my room on some pretence or 
>another, 

"Would you like a backrub", perhaps?

*sigh* Sean, you weary me.

>and offer them a backrub. 

Which you could have simply done from the start...
...but then they might have thought you were up to no good...
(oh, wait, you *are* up to no good...dear me...this does complicate things...)

>(I live in a college dormitory, so this isn't too hard to do,
>especially with high school students and freshman.)

Hmmm...if I believed you, I'd ask you to share your secret...
...in that, even *without* nefarious intentions, I've found
this a remarkably difficult state of affairs to bring about.
(person (of either gender) in my room willing to receive backrubs)

Any helpful hints for the rest of us?
(NOTE:  "smear SPERM on the insides of your wrists and the sides of your
neck, instead of cologne" is _not_ considered a "helpful hint"...)

>I rub it into their skin, and give them a really good massage. 

Oh my, and here I'd been assuming that you rubbed it into their *clothing*,
and did a really bad job of it!  How silly of me.

Come on, Sean, enough tooting your own horn...we're not impressed.

>(I have been massaging professionally for about five years now.) 

SURVEY TIME!!!

How many of the regular readers of alt.backrubs are prepared to take
Sean's word for this?

(email all answers to me, please...I'd rather not clog the newsgroup
with trivia...
...but please do answer, I'd really be curious to know...)

(NOTE: no, I'm not calling Sean a liar...he might just be a fool...
...I'm just asking how many of you would take his word for it.
"No, really, trust me, I'm an accredited masseur, no, really, I am..." --Sean)

>(if this hasn't led somewhere,) 

Hmmm...like, to her yelling and kicking you in the nuts several times,
when she gets a good whiff of the aroma of this home-made "massage oil"?

(how *do* you deal with the smell, Sean?  Or is your sexual virility such
that its aphrodisiac potential completely overwhelms any objections
that the woman might otherwise want to make...?  That must be it.)

>and corrupted her young body.

You haven't corrupted anything, "Gumby", except the contents of this 
newsgroup.  I'd personally appreciate it (and I suspect many others
would as well) if you'd post such fantasies to a more appropriate forum
in the future (I'd suggest alt.sex.masturbation, if it's still around,
or alt.sex.stories), and keep alt.backrubs for the purposes it was intended
for...which do not, IMHO, include discussing "SPERM" backrubs in detail...

Please, just...go away?  At least until you have something worthwhile
to contribute?


Irritatedly,

Mickey "please, can we talk about backrubs again?" Phoenix.
Newsgroups: alt.backrubs