HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Subject: Image of my childhood & Now
Organization: UNISYS/Environmental Protection Agency
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 22:25:09 GMT

I'm working on an image that I'm going to create with paper
and other items.

The picture has 2 parts, side by side.  The 1st one is about then.
The 2nd one is about now.

The first one has 2 figures -- an adult woman and a young boy.
She has an empty place where her heart should be.  The boy 
has a heart in his chest -- she has her arms stretched out and
has her hands grabbing to hold on/pull his heart out.  And he
HURTS and feels worthless --I'm still working on how he will look.

The 2nd picture has 3 figures -- the woman with hands outstretched,
reaching toward the an adult man who has the little boy inside him.
The adult man is holding his hands out in front to block the woman
and create a boundary where she used to get through to the boy.  The
boy is holding himself with his arms wrapped around his chest.

I am very much in the middle of the process of the 2nd picture.  I'm 
probably going to do the picture with some paper I made.  I feel 
really excited about creating this picture.
--

Bob Boyd
In The Here & Now
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay (Crystal Bell)
Subject: Hi Renee
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 15:48:22 GMT

I am going to cheat. I'm too lazy and too tired to try to write and upload a 
letter so I am just going to post and tell you "No i didn't get your mail. "

Well talk to you later. 
                                cryst%belay@uunet.uu.net
                                        **Crystal**



Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: Survivor in denial?
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date:  6 Sep 1992 10:51 EST  

In article <1992Sep3.224011.6115@unislc.uucp>, erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes...
>Heart Dancer (barbaraj@sacajawea.csc.ti.com) wrote:
>: I *do* think we are each justified in setting boundaries that keep us as
>: safe as we feel we need to be.  We are also responsible for the
>: consequences of setting the boundaries.  It may be that the
>: consequence of Scot's friend setting her boundary is that she loses
>: the friendship of someone who could be a very real support to her.
>: But I am not in a position to give her feedback.  She hasn't asked me.

other stuff deleted

>: Who is he (or you or I) to judge how she should react to him.  Who is
>: he (or you or I) to judge her recovery process.
> 

>This is the conundrum of current psychological theory regarding the treatment
>of abuse disorders - it says that one party has more rights than another,
>and that party should *take* those rights, by force if necessary.  Doesn't
>this strike you as a bit lopsided?

Heart Dancer is *not* taking away Scot's rights.  She is merely giving him 
a survivor's perspective...*her* perspective.  And I don't understand the 
previous statement.  I don't think that by cutting off contact with someone 
I have trampled on their rights, or taken away any of their rights.  Scot 
has the right to continue contact with his friend if he so chooses.  But 
*she* has the right to ask him not to.  She also has the right to ignore 
him if he chooses to continue contact.  He also has the right to decide she 
isn't worth his time or effort.  I just don't see who lost *any* rights.  

And could you explain your earlier statement that by A shutting out B, A 
has placed the burden of the boundary on B?  I don't understand what kind 
of burden is placed on B when A says "Leave me alone."  At that point, B 
leaves A alone.  What burden is there?

-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: specific request
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1992 02:48:39 GMT

Kara Jayne Keeter (kara@BORN.phys.virginia.edu) wrote:

: I have a specific request - could someone please send a message
: to ggarner@cicely.jpl.nasa.gov, tell him I'm ok but I'm cut off

This poor guy's mailbox is gonna be *full*! :)  But that's better than
not hearing anything *at all*.
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: sandro@asylum.UUCP (Sandro Wallach)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: SO's group (was Re: Hints for SO's (Spoiler Warning))
Date: 15 Sep 92 21:54:46 GMT


I can't really speak for the SO's and whether they might want a group,
but I can expand on something I said a few weeks ago: I don't like
reading what most SOs here say about their partners.  I don't think
making another group will actually get them out of here, though, so I
don't care about the other group.  (And I'm sure many people feel
quite differently on this issue.)  I'll just keep doing my best to
keep track of who has what kind of attitude and avoid reading postings
from or about the people here who annoy me.

Thanks for listening to my minority opinion.

Actually, I've been thinking for a few days about how much ASAR has
been bugging me the last week or two.  It seems to go into these modes
where people are only talking about things that make me uncomfortable.
Yes, I know the change is probably in me.

I guess I just have to get better at selecting what I want to see and
what I don't want to see.

	-- sandro   (sandro@ELF.com)
From: sfjr@wam.umd.edu (Sherri)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: 11:15 on a saturday night...
Date: 7 Sep 92 19:55:28 GMT
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park

In article <Bu57y0.89p@twwells.com> anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear) writes:
>
>I am in hell.  The Cure (whom I hate anyway) doesn't begin to cover it.
>
>I am in my dorm room.  I have on;y been here since thursday and i hve
>come to realize i must leave
>

I trust you to make the best decision for yourself.  I don't know how long
you've been in the amount of emotional pain you are in now, but I imagine
there are still different things you may be able to try--anti-depressants or
different ones?, different methods of therapy, support groups, writing (anything
from love notes on your arms to Courage to Heal exercises?).  I really 
hope that you find something that helps you feel more in control of your 
life soon.

A break from school probably feels bad to you right now (I think?), but 
_No WAY_ are you a failure or weak.  I've found that change is always
scary for me even if it's a good change.  I try to think of the times
I've been nicest to myself and try to do those things.  Sometimes it's
wearing warm, soft clothes, sometimes it's taking a warm bath and drinking
herb tea....  I don't know what will work for you but I hope you can find
some ways of nurturing yourself.

>i can't do this
>i will probably lose my net connections so goodbye and thanks

I wish you could find a way to stay in touch if that's what you want to do.
Anyone with an account you can borrow?  Some people here know a way or
two around the account system, like they've recommended ways for other
people to get access, but I've never really understood it sorry.

>i am soryr for the outburst it wasn't that I hated being spoken of
>in the 3rd person,  it was that I hated having others state what I
>was feeling and thinking.

That makes a lot of sense.  I think it's a very valid concern and it's
a good thing for all of us to watch ourselves on.  I believe that we should
all try not to state what other people are feeling and thinking.  It's
better to say, "In that situation, i would feel..."  Would that do it do you
think?
 
  The followups were really helpful thanks
>everybody i am sorry i have been so...whatever.  i'll try to post bye
>
>

Goodbye, poohbear.  Hopefully it won't be too long.


Sherri--who posts from someone elses account so please put my name
on the subject line of any email.
From: blackbourner@bvc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: I'm back!
Date: 9 Sep 92 10:39:47 CDT
Organization: Buena Vista College, Storm Lake, IA

Hi I'm back at school and on the NET again. I sure missed ASAR!

Erin Sue
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: inspirational writings, etc.
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date:  9 Sep 1992 09:05 EST  

In article <koepp.2.715963351@cc1.unt.edu>, koepp@cc1.unt.edu (Cynthia Koepp - Computing Center) writes...
>Hi.  This is my first posting to this group--I hope I'm doing it right!

It showed up...must be right!  :-)
> 
>Anyway, I was wondering whether anybody else out there has favorite books, 
>poems, movies, etc. 

I love James Kavaugh's poetry.  Most of them touch me, but there are two 
that brought me to tears...one is about healing, the other asking "when was 
I hurt?  who did it?"  Pretty obvious why they moved me, huh?  If anyone 
wants the names I can get them.
I have started reading a book of prose that he has called Search.  He runs 
workshops on searching for yourself.  It's pretty powerful stuff.  Not for 
survivors, necessarily.  For anyone that wants to be more themselves.  A 
lot of work on feelings, getting in touch with them and going with them.

Gentleness to all.
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1055@twwells.com (m&m)
Subject: m&m  has new anon id
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1992 21:26:38 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Whoops my mail server got moved on me, so I have a new anon id.
Since I'm trying to figure out how to post non-anon this may
not be an issue much longer.

Fare-Well
Mike Stoughton (aka m&m)



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: sfjr@wam.umd.edu (Sherri)
Subject: Re: I'm back!
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 13:20:19 GMT

Welcome back Erin!  It's been a long time.  It will be really good to
be hearing from you again.

big ehugs of welcome if you want them, lots of happy smiles your way either
way.

Sherri


Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: 5 reasons to be depressed
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date: 14 Sep 1992 08:04 EST  

In article <009607CA.B4D2CAE0@BORN.PHYS.VIRGINIA.EDU>, kara@BORN.phys.virginia.edu (Kara Jayne Keeter) writes...

> 
>(4.5) I just turned thirty, and feel very *old* and *alone*.
>*yuck*
> 

I turned thirty in June.  It *is* survivable.  And a single, female thirty! 
ARGGHHHH!!!  I work as an engineer, mostly with men, so I get the Newsweek 
article mentioned now and then.  You know, my chances of getting struck by 
lightning three times on the same day are better than my chances of getting 
married.  I just laugh and say "Then I'll be rich...I won't have to share 
my money with anyone!"  Little do they know that marriage is not real high 
on my priority list.

>(5) I went to the doctor a month ago... she felt a lump in
>my breast, and told me to come back in a month.  This was
>a lump I'd thought I'd noticed back in April, but I figured
>it was nothing.  So my second visit was a couple days ago,
>she said it's still there, and she thinks there's another
>one also.  Tuesday I go to the hospital for an ultrasound,
>to see if it's just a cyst.

I hope it is just a cyst.  I had that scare.  Did my mammogram on the 23rd 
of December last year.  Made Christmas a *real* fun time.  Turned out to be 
a cyst.  
Take care of yourself.  If you need to talk, e-mail me.

Gentleness to all
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
Subject: sorry
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 03:43:43 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


i feel kind of responsible for the last flamewar.......but i ment what i
said. I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do. Jesus i can't even tell
myself what to do. all i wanted to do was let someone know that i cared
about what happened to them. I *do* care Kirkket. The same as i would
hope someone would do for me if i ever posted that i was seriously
contemplating suicide. Please can we end this little war. i think it has
hurt too many people..we lost Lydia over it and i for one will really
miss her.

I'm sorry i started this



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton)
Subject: Re: frustrated
Organization: Supercomputer Systems Division, Intel Corp.
Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1992 00:14:01 GMT

In article <1992Sep14.173118.1941@bvc.edu> blackbourner@bvc.edu writes:
>I've had the most frustrating experience! I have cerebral palsy,  and use 
>an  electric cart. It  has been stalling lately. Today I went to the pharmacy 
>on the blasted thing and  it stalled more than once. It stalled in the 
>middle of the street! I pushed  it back to the curb. Then, the cops came! I 
>was screaming and crying. It was so embarrassing! Maintence has the  *&&&**
>$%%% thing now. When I get mad or frustrated I hurt myself. I didn't do it 
>this time, but I wanted  to. Negative thoughts of myself run rampant in  my 
>head. I think I've got them quieted down now. I'm glad abuse issues aren't 
>bugging me too.
>
>Erin Sue	

Thanks for posting!  One of the hardest things I am dealing with now is my
reaction (in public) to things which are out of my control.  I used to feel
like I was always in control, but since my recovery began 3 years ago, I have
become less and less socially 'acceptable.'  Usually I go into my shame and 
then into addictive patterns (which in my case play havoc with my moods) and
I feel bad, oh so bad.  I can hardly stand to be in public now, except in 
situations where I feel like I have a large degree of control.  Now that I read
this, I feel it's somewhat un-related to your post, but this is a huge issue
for me.  I am glad I read your post.

e-hugs if you want!
-- 
_____________________________________________________________________________
Peter Warton (the h was dropped over 800 years ago) warton@ssd.intel.com
Against my better judgement, not to mention the advice of my friends, I speak 
for myself.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: zwbm07@hou.amoco.com (Walter Moore)
Subject: Re: too much, not enough not a spoiler this
Reply-To: zwbm07@hou.amoco.com
Organization: Amoco
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 12:38:39 GMT

In article BEv@mentor.cc.purdue.edu, mcmorris@vet.vet.purdue.edu (brandywine) writes:
>well, first I want to thank everyone for all the support I got.
>leaving people is hard for me, even when they hurt me... and being
>able to write about it here helped a lot.

I'm glad it helped!

>
>I had my first counseling appointment today, and I really think this
>guy can help me help myself.  I ahve never had a male conselor today,
>and it is a little wierd for me.  But, we talked, especially about the
>brian thing, and set some goals for counseling.  I really feel better
>about this guy than I have felt about counselors in the past.

Great for you!
>
>
>But, the point of this post is to say, I am feeling btter now. Just
>reaching for the help made me feel more empowered. COusneling is hard
>for me because of the whole KEEP IT A SECRET and YOU AREN"T GOOD
>ENOUGH messages. But it is easier this time than it was last time.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Most of us understand, if that helps.

>
>Just wanted to post this... hope it isn't inappropriate.

It's not inappropriate! It's fits the bill just right...
>
>-brandywine



---
TTYL & TANSTAAFL ---------------- Walter Moore 
      Internet: zwbm07@hou.amoco.com

..SCUBA divers do it with depth...blub...blub...blub...

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: sasnla@shadow.unx.sas.com (Nancy Agnew)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: inspirational writings, etc.
Date: 9 Sep 92 15:58:00 GMT
Organization: SAS Institute Inc.
Originator: sasnla@shadow.unx.sas.com


In article <koepp.2.715963351@cc1.unt.edu>, koepp@cc1.unt.edu (Cynthia Koepp - Computing Center) writes:
>Hi.  This is my first posting to this group--I hope I'm doing it right!

ya done fine!

>Anyway, I was wondering whether anybody else out there has favorite books, 
>poems, movies, etc. 

_Mastery_, by George Leonard.  Nothing to do with healing, everything
to do with living completely and well -- so, everything to do with
healing.

It helped show me yet more parallels between my martial arts training
and practice and my healing process.

NLA
-- 
Nancy Agnew                         sasnla@unx.sas.com
SAS Institute Inc,  SAS Campus Dr,  Cary NC 27513-2414
My company's opinions are not likely mine, and vice versa.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Chapter 3...  *Spoiler warning*
Date: 10 Sep 92 14:18:31 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

Hi again...  First, I want to let ya know that my time schedule has gone
hectic, so I may miss some things posted publicly, since I have a ridiclously
fast turnover rate on my system.  (2 days...  I don't have the disk space for 
more!)

And now for the standard      ***Spoiler Warning***.

Lately I've been having to work incredible a amounts of hours.  (11 per day,
plus a hour drive each way.)  Doesn't sound tooo bad, until you realize that it
looks like it may be 7 days a week this month, plus I need time to eat, etc... 
(Plus my body has been demanding 10-12 hours of sleep a night.)  There
literally isn't enough time in the day for me to get everything done while I'm
working this account.

Do I'm damn tired.  And I noticed last night that because of it, the
anti-depressants aren't nearly as effective as they have been.

This wouldn't be too bad, until you realize that there are loaded firearms kept
in easy reach from my location.  2 rifles (at least 1 is always loaded) and a
.32 revolver...  Last night I found myself getting up and getting the revolver
to commit suicide.

I decided a long time ago that shooting myself would be the easiest way...

And now I find that I have the opportunity to do so, when I'm tired enough that
the anti-depressants don't work.

I'm calling my boss today (waiting for a return call as I type this) to get my
ass pulled out of that account.  Hopefully I won't have to admit to being
suicidal.  He knows I'm nervous about the firearms though.

If he says I have to work again tonight, I *KNOW* I won't be able toi get
enough sleep.  And I *WILL* go.  What I may end up doing there scares the shit
out of me right now.  Well, part of me.  The other part welcomes the thought.

I don't know what's going to happen right now.  But if I live through to
tommorow, I'll give a post saying what happened, and daily reports if
nessesary.

Damn...  Dan, would you mind performing a Pagan funeral?  I definately don't
want my body to go through a Xitan ceremony, and I don't know who else to ask.
I don't think I could even ask you, except that you already read ASAR, and will
stumble across this message anyways...

Goodbye.  Hopefully I'll be back tommorow.

+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|Krikket              | krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us |USnail:3 Danada Square E.|
|a.k.a Doug Krick     | Team Star Charter Member   |       Suite 246         |
|Data # 708/665-9732  | #include<std.disclaimers>  |       Wheaton, Il 60187 |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again.(Who the hell is Mary anyways?)|
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: to jeff sorry for the waste
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 01:06:56 GMT

anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear) writes:

[ stuff about e-mail deleted ]

>sorry again for the intrusion to asar
>poohbear

i just wanted to comment on this little piece of your post:
poohbear, you are *not* an intrusion into asar.  asar is precisely for people
like you and me.  this place is for *us* to use to our benefit.  please try not
to feel like an intruder here, because you're not.  please feel free to use
asar to say whatever you like.  i don't dislike your posts, and i get the
feeling that a lot of others here are pulling for you too.  take care of
yourself, ok?
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1203@twwells.com
Subject: A physician's opinion on "jeff"
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1992 18:07:50 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


I have been monitoring this newsgroup for some time.  To avoid
a flame war from the less in-control, I am posting anonymously.

Regarding the post from "Jeff" with regards to suicide and to anyone
who would defend it in any way whatsoever, let me say this.  You
are basically evil people by nature.  Let that sink in for a moment.

What you have done (for WHATEVER reason you keep trying to justify it.
...and I *hope* you haven't fallen into the dangerous trap of believing
your own bullsh*t...) is the equal of yelling "Yeahhhhhh  JUMP!!!!" to
someone depressed and perched on a ledge of a tall building.

To those who have been frightened by this on ASAR, remember, there are
a relative minority of basically evil people out there.  Those are the
ones to be avoided in this life.  Life deserves to be filled by good
people.



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