From: franklin@ug.cs.dal.ca (<<<***Steve Franklin***>>>)
Subject: Re: Rai Has Been Chosen as Net.Goddess!!!  Read On...
Followup-To: alt.sex,alt.personals
Keywords: This has to be a joke... isn't it?
Organization: Math, Stats & CS, Dalhousie University, Halifax, NS, Canada
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 17:43:42 GMT

In article <7w6m3mq.noring@netcom.com> noring@netcom.com (Jon Noring) writes:

>As I said before, by the authority vested in me by my mother, I will declare
>her Net.Goddess if I got more than 10 yes votes.  Well, I got 14 YES votes,
>and 3 NO votes (one of the NO's asked his vote to count twice, which I did
>to make him happy, but it didn't make any difference).

   The authority vested in you by your mother? now who might your mother be?
You see, there has to be a point made here Jon. Those who think that Rai 
doesn't deserve to be a net.goddess wouldn't bother to vote. They'd be
too busy laughing on the floor you see. How lame can this lady be posting
gifs of herself to sweaty-palmed computer-enslaved mental invalids? 
I think that we need a sincere reality check here, and I ask all of you to
ask yourselves the eternal question:
         "Am I really that much of a geek that I worship a woman's ASCII?"
Yes. The question that has plagued many of you. I now bring it out into
the open, and as you to face the music. 

>Thus, (the drum rolls):
(close enough to music?)

>***************************************************************************
>    Rai is officially declared to be the first Net.Goddess of Alt.Land
>***************************************************************************

*ahem*. I have an ammendment.

**********************************************************************
Rai is officially declared to be the first Net.Goddess of Lefty.land
**********************************************************************

Yes. LeftyLand is obviously significantly more populated than I had suspected.
Leftyland has several connotations. The goobers in alt.flame will clearly
recognize the context that Leftyland implies. As well, I can guess that you
are all achieved right-handed typers. Dunno what your left hand is doing...


>All Hail Our New Net.Goddess!

   Ahaha - so, she's started a religion now? How quaint. You really need
to get out more buddy. 

> Let me propose some tasks and obligations:
   This should be fun. (does she have any say in the matter? No, I guess
not. After all, this IS _your_ fantasy right? 

>1) She continues to add to her stories and erotic writings.
   heh, can't comment here. Boy, they sure must be good if they can get
Jon excited. (Give it to Jon... he likes EVERYTHING)

>2) She posts new GIF's of herself.
   Oh yes. please do - cross-post to alt.tasteless? there's no other word
for this you know. I haven't seen these either, but the question is:
"do I want to?" *sigh* I guess some of us aren't as attracted to our VGA
monitor as others...

>3) She continues to be courteous and kind to all (she is a benevolent 
>   Net.Goddess and not the fire and brimstone type).
   At least you pointed out a quality that's reasonably important.
It's nice of you to remind her, but for most of us, being courteous
and kind is natural, and not a phase or period we go through.

>4) She teaches other would-be Net.Goddesses the art of being a Net.Goddess
>   by her example.
  Ahah - now, just how would we go about doing this. Could we actually
spawn more Net.Goddesses to fill and entertain Jon's Friday and Saturday
evenings when he's alone? Is there an Emily Post guide to Computer Social
etiquette out there? Is there just one gender-neutral book, or are there
volumes for men and women? Well, since we're dealing with Rai at the moment,
I present a short yet oh-so-valuable document to being a Net.Goddess
revered and worshipped by all:

a) you must tell people you are a 6'0 swedish blonde with perfect dimensions
   (perfect dimensions will vary from coast to coast. Remember the Americans
   will prefer the top heavy woman with a center of gravity about 5 feet off
   of the ground. The Europeans will take anything that doesn't shave.)

b) You must treat all men on the net like 6'5 jocks. Even though many
   of them can't fulfill a simple pushup, you must make them THINK they
   can. Treat all men like Gold, and they will treat you like a sex-object.
   sex-object = net.goddess

c) You must spend 32.5 hours a day on the computer busy writing, posting,
   scanning, chatting, talking, ircing. You must become their FRIEND.
   p.s. - do not associate with the Reality-checkers of the net - they will
   provide words of truth and harsh necessity that might actually shatter
   the concept of LeftyLand that you oh-so enjoy.

d) You must wear sun-block at all times to ensure that pale/sickly
   look of no tan. Make sure that you have a low-emission monitor, 
   so that no rays squeek through your monitor. (remember, being on 32.5 hours
   a day, you will catch A LOT of this)

e) You can't have any sort of morals. You must implement such phrases as
   "bible-thumpers", "control freaks", etc... You want every individual
   to think you're absolutely experienced. An ascii-Gisha girl of sorts.
   You have no morals. Only desires, which you achieve to their fullest
   via the keyboard. (thus LeftyLand)

f) You must make up a name for yourself that is unique, individual, and
   exotic. No Jane Doe's or the likes. Something really wierd. take a common
   word that everyone knows and mix the letters around a bit. For instance:
   take water... no, earth... no air. Yes air. Now, mix up the letters a bit
   and then see what you can come up with. 

g) Even though you are on the computer 32.5 hours a day, you actually
   enjoy horseback riding, ballet, UNIX, and bowling (that should cover
   any athletic whims the men on the Net might have). (by the way,
   they will never clue in that you wouldn't have time for these hobbies 
   because you are always on the computer.)

that's about it for now. that should get you on your way to net.demi-goddess
status anyways. Any others?


>
>...Any others?

   Huh? didn't I just say that?

>
>Now Rai, we need an acceptance post (speech) for the title of Net.Goddess,
>including what you intend to do to make Alt.Land a better place for all.
>
   Ahaha - a better place for all? Who's all? How's better? and remember,
it's LeftyLand. have you visa's ready when entering, and remember - 
no social lives allowed across the border. LeftyLand refuses anyone
who seems interesting.

>Everybody, send her congratulatory mail on her new position as the first
>officially elected Net.Goddess of Alt.Land!

   heh - what a big vote... If you let someone vote 2 times as a no,
how many times did YOU vote Jon? 10 times? Or are there just 10 people
out there like you? (scary eh?)


steve ! ! !
      ^^^^^ Hi elf!

p.s. - awhh, gimme a break. I'm still edified. I just have the flu. You 
       can't be THAT pissed off are you? 8) You guys take things too seriously

-- 
aasdSteveFranklin-Subliminal Psychology Major.ks;dlasBlueJaysRULEkasdfeahsdbfl
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zx.cfranklin@ug.cs.dal.ca,sk;t;lrut[Superboy@ac.dal.cav.zx,Physics!eq3rwkh;oHA