From: dirbze@doc.bmd.trw.com
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: all about callahans
Date: 1 Oct 92 13:06:44 MST

In article <BvExH6.48r@news.cso.uiuc.edu>, trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Barbara Trumpinski) writes:
> nick chopper...in the ALLABOUT
> 
>>>        persona and blowing up the place or a fair number of patrons
>>>        thereof. A milder form is one or more legitimate guests obeying
>>>        the rules but declaring that "THIS PLACE SUCKS - A BUNCH OF WEEPY
>>>        PATHOS GROUPIES" or words to that effect.
>>> 
>>>        There is no defense against this behavior. In the violence case,
>>>        most experienced patrons just ignore it. Some ignore it but wax
>>>        rhetorical over how evil it is. A few try to rationalize a
>>>        recovery in some kind of virtual reality. In the denigration
>>>        case, most patrons flame at the critic, a few ignore, some try to
>>>        sincerely and seriously answer the charges. I have no advice
>>>        here. Perhaps we really need the criticism!
> 
> doug the cynic:
> 
>>This is, of course, not true.  Last time this occured, I demonstrated
>>a quite effective defense against it.  It not only worked, it
>>was amusing.
> 
> 
> kitten:
> 
> doug...therare lots of people around who remember neither the
> terrorists nor your defensive action.how aboutut filling in the new
> people?  it is part of our history, after all...

me:

actually, I believe the best response was one to the latest Iraqi terrorist
attack... left me with tears rolling down my cheeks and a case of sore ribs...
but I don't remember who gets the credit... it is wonderful... [OK, so who's
responsible???  HMMM???]... 

........................................

[INTERIOR.  Callahans Place, set-dressed to have dark scattered lighting,
 an armor-reinforced door, and a fair number of extras who look
 as if they'd wandered in from _Escape from New York_ mixed in with
 familiar faces in varied species.]

> ... There is a subtle movement nearby, and DAWN is gone.... Abdul tosses
> the Beretta to the floor, and swings an AK-47 from under his robes. Mike,
> well-used to the drill, ducks behind the bar as hot lead sprays the room.

[CUT TO:  INTERIOR.  Brightly lit movie theater balcony, with aisle down
   the middle.  Two men are seated on either side of the aisle.]

"That's Dirque and Hurin reprising their roles as Dawn and Abdul Camel-Biter
 Smith in Danger Room Cinema's latest release, _Return of the Dawn_, the
 sequel to _Rise of the Dawn_ that opens this week in theaters across the
 country.  Good evening, and welcome once again to At the Cinema.
 Across the aisle from me is the multitalented Antonio Salieri, composer,
 star of the hit movie _Amadeus_, and currently music and film critic
 for the Vienna World."

"And across the aisle from me is Francis Bacon, screenplay writer for
 such acclaimed films as _Julius Caesar_ and _Hamlet_, and most recently
 a film critic for the London Globe."

"Thank you, Tony.  Well, this does seem to the the summer for action-packed
 sequels.  _Lethal Weapon 3_ opened last weekend, as you know, and had a
 spectacular box-office showing its first 3 days.  And theaters are already
 filled with preview trailers for _Alien 3_ and _Batman Returns_, both to
 open later this summer to high expectations.  So the question on everyone's
 mind is:  Will another action sequel like this one attract moviegoers?"

"Well, Frank, I think the answer is Yes.  The sheer range of this movie is
 going to bring in people to see it again and again.  It may not be clear
 from the scene we just saw, which is very derivative of the first movie,
 and which Danger Room is featuring in the trailers to bring the sequel
 audience in.  But really, in my mind the movie isn't so much Yet Another
 Action Flick as one of the finest movie musicals of its kind since
 _Sweeney Todd_."

"Well, Tony, I can't say I know much about music, but I know what I like.
 And this picture's got a fine ensemble cast, and epic dimensions.  In a
 move reminiscent of _Star Wars_, we cut away from the political suspense
 of the opening scenes to a small village in northern Iraq.  Let's see
 a bit of that clip--"

[FADE TO:  EXTERIOR.  We look down on dry, scrubby mountains, from about
 100 feet up.   Our POV is apparently from a helicopter, as we circle a young
 man in a flak jacket standing on the top of a hill, twirling with his arms
 spread out.  His faithful camel frolics nearby as he sings:]

    "Ku-u-u-u-uu-rdestania, where the wind goes sweeping through the pass!
     Where the hills are alive, and you can survive
       if you dodge all the mortars and the gas..."

[FADE TO:  INTERIOR.  Movie balcony.]

"That's none other than Yossarian as Nikos Grosz, a Greek-Austrian-Oklahoman
 foundling brought up in a Kurdish family, and trained to be a mighty tenor
 warrior.  We haven't seen him in this top form since his star vehicle of
 a few years back, _Yossarian of Arabia_."

"Indeed we haven't, Frank, and that's just the first of the stellar numbers
 throughout the film, which takes us to America, Kuwait, Israel, several more
 visits in Callahans Place, and beyond.  Some of the other song highlights
 include the poignant 'Camel Lot', where Nikos laments the heroic death
 of his mount, and the show-stopping production number 'Give My Regards to
 Basra', the latter with a marvelous synchronized-swimming segment in the
 Callahans Hot Tub, starring some of our favorite Callahanians with brief
 appearances by some very surprised-looking Iraqi terrorists."

"All right, Tony; so far we have song and dance, action, comedy and tragedy.
 But what about what the real essentials of modern Hollywood blockbusters:
 sex and violence?"

"Well, I had my eyes closed during a number of the scenes, Frank, actually.
 But after I saw _Romeo and Juliet_ last month, Frank, I think you must
 be the expert here."

"Point taken.  Well, there are enough ultraviolent scenes like that first
 one that if you have small children, you may want to wait for this to come
 around on network TV.  But if you wait till then, you'll also undoubtedly
 miss nearly all of the party scene mid-way through; what was that called?"

"Oh, I think they called it 'Rule 6' or something.  Yes, quite an, um,
 wonderfully involving scene there.... stop drooling, Frank."

"Sorry.  Anyway, we've just barely scratched the surface of this film, which
 has more plot twists than we've even begun to hint at."

"Some great celebrity cameos too-- I still smile when I think of the war room
 scene with Rodney Dangerfield as General Schwarzkopf.  But I imagine our
 viewers are wondering whether this all holds together in the end?"

"Well, Tony, as I like to say, there's a method to the madness.  The
 McGuffin which links all these scenes together is just a bundle of papers
 about this size.  It's called the 'POSIX documentation', and just about
 anyone you can imagine is desperate to get a hold of it for one reason or..."

"Uh, Frank, what's that sheaf you're holding up there?"

"Um, it's not really important, Tony-- just something some prop guy handed
 me offstage, so I could hold it up at the appropriate--"

"YOU FOOL!"  [grabs the papers out of Bacon's hands, and jumps over balcony
 rail and out of camera view]  "Run for your life, before it's too late!"

"What the--?"  [Machine-gun fire is heard, and Bacon dives under the second
 row as bullet holes riddle the balcony.  Two beats of silence.  Bacon gets
 up and peers over the railing.]  "Antonio?"  [gasps, eyes widen] "ANTONIO!"

[Ominous horn music, swirling to orchestral intro to 'Trebled Times (Call for
 Measure for Measure)' sung by Bacon and company on reel 4. End of reel 3.]

........................................

well... there you have it.  a blast from the past.... and I really do wish I
remembered who was responsible for this... 

Hugs & Grins!

Dirbze!