From: 6500ursa@ucsbuxa.ucsb.edu (Disco Junkie)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american
Subject: AAAHHH!  Interracial dating.. again?  Why?
Date: 5 Oct 92 23:49:35 GMT
Distribution: soc

It's that time of the month again; when that much-discussed topic of
interracial dating comes up.(kinda like the mad slashers in the horror movies-
you can shoot them, but they will never die)  With my Hawai'i perspective, and 
from talking to lots of asian-american men from all over the U.S., in 
person, I do think that many of you are missing an important part of the 
question.  Let me explain:

I've noticed that this topic of interracial dating is one that will get
any U.S mainland asian-american foaming at the mouth, and with good reason.
Sexual politics between the races is one of the most charged topics in our
society. (It was not too long ago that whites would lynch or beat to death
any black man who was even suspected at flirting with a white woman.)
Yet, during my 18 years growing up in Hawai'i, I never noticed this
problem.  There are racial tensions, but I've noticed few complaints about
interracial dating.  Why?  

-First off, the dating ratios are much more evenly balanced.
 You will find lots of asian men dating non-asian women.  This changes
 the sexual politics of interracial dating.  I've even met white women
 who only wanted to date asian men.  And from my own research, almost
 half the black resident marriages for men in 1989 were interracial. 
 (It's about 25% for women-I got it from the State of Hawai'i data book)

-Second, since asians are the majority in Hawai'i, (only 30% white and 2% black)
 asians do not feel socially threatened, and are not bombarded with 
 messages of asian inferiority as much.  Thus, there is less of a perceived
 level of threat to one's man/womanhood.

-Third, interracial dating is considered something cool in Hawai'i.  I'm
 proud of the fact that my family members have interrmarried with Samoans,
 Portuguese, and Italians.  One out of every 3 marriages is interracial. 
 And it's hard to condemn interracial dating when you probably have a
 family member in a mixed marriage.

-Fourth, there are less stereotypes involved. While there is a lot of
 stereotypical ethnic humor in Hawai'i, it's hard for people to stereotype
 each other when it comes to relationships (although it does happen), because
 society is less segragated there (but it does not mean not prejudiced).
 Take white men for example.  A white man will come into contact with asian
 women on a daily basis, and will definitely know in a short time that they
 are not all submissive, shy madame butterfly types.  So I think that the
 ethnic groups have a little more mature expectations as to what to expect
 from each other.

So, we have in Hawai'i, a situation that because asians do not feel threatened,
so you have less feelings of inferiority that are awakened by interracial 
dating.  With that perspective in mind, I'd like to take a stab at why it's
such a controversial subject THAT WILL NOT DIE:

  Interracial dating in the mainland is so controversial because ALMOST 
  EVERYONE does subconsciously believe that there is a racial hierarchy 
  (whites on top, asians next, and blacks on bottom), and that lopsided 
  interracial dating, with its sexual politics involved, does bring these 
  racial inferiority/superiority feelings to the surface!  Afterall,
  interracial dating is a measure of how one stands in American society.

Think about it...if you didn't deep down honestly (or subconsciously)
believe that asians were inferior, it wouldn't bother you that asian women 
are dating white or black men in disproportionate numbers! Even in Hawai'i, 
there are some inferiority feelings.  So, why don't we have the controversy
there as well?  Well, first, let's look at my MAIN POINT: 

  90% of the asian men who complain about asian women dating white men would 
  be silenced should a white woman fall in love with them!

In other words, I honestly wonder if most of the complaints about interracial
dating is because white women have rejected asian men, rather than asian
women rejecting asian men?  And to me, that is also a bad sign.  How did
I come to this conclusion?

- In Hawai'i, it is much easier for an asian male to go out with a white 
  woman.  Thus, interracial dating is more "equal", and therefore does not 
  add to the stigma of inferiority/superiority(although it does exist).  
- In the mainland, on the college campuses at least, it seems to be harder for
  asian men to date white women.  The stigma of inferiority is thus brought
  up.  Are all these people complaining about interracial dating because the 
  asian women are doing it at a much more successful rate than the men?  
- Asian men are seen as more studly if they've been able to go out with a
  white woman.
- After it is quite crass to complain, "Why aren't the white women going after 
  me?"  And it is much easier to wrap oneself in the cloak of racial 
  solidarity and accuse the asian women of being traitors to the race, rather 
  than to admit that one also prefers white. 
- There are LOTS of single attractive black women available.  Why are the
  asian men not viciously complaining about black women not going for them ? 

I'm not saying that the complaints about interracial dating are not valid.
I just think that before we asian men condemn asian women, we must honestly 
look at WHY we are condemning them.  Is it because we secretly deep down 
prefer white too?  Think about that before you cast those stones.

p.s:  I am not implying that any writer on this newsgroup has this attitude.
  However, I feel that I have a unique perspective, having lived, met and known
  asian-americans in the East Coast, MidWest, West Coast and Hawai'i (along
  with lots of Japanese people)  I've frankly talked to both men and women
  about this, and noticed this attitude among many of the men: that of a
  preference for white women.  Feel free to e-mail me if you need any
  clarifications; it's hard to fit a complex idea into just 100 or so lines. 
Xref: sparky soc.culture.asian.american:9234 soc.culture.asean:6381 soc.culture.korean:4528