From: mprisco@lynx.cat.syr.edu ()
Subject: Re: Last 10 lbs / Losing Control
Organization: Syracuse University
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 92 10:54:44 EDT

In article <1992Aug13.173659.1471@wam.umd.edu> mneow@wam.umd.edu (Who wants to know?) writes:
>In article <1992Aug10.171004.2441@awdprime.austin.ibm.com> ibmpa!cdc017.austin.ibm.com!lkoh@ibminet.awdpa.ibm.com writes:
>>
>>> Look, can we talk???  Maybe this thinking makes sense at 22, but at 34
>>> it seems all skewed.   The people that care about you won't care
>>> what you weigh (so long as you're healthy).  As for your boyfriend,
>>> maybe your goal should be to be able to pick HIM up without popping
>>> a vein! 
>  
>
>   Well, I'm not all that healthy being a college student living
>with roomates and not knowing a whole lot about cooking, as well as 
>often putting off my excercise for studying plus a bunch of other
>"excuses."       As for my boyfriend, I*can* pick him up without
>popping a vein.  And anyway, what's so wrong about worrying about
>this stuff at 22...I will be 34 one day and I'd rather get in shape
>now while my body may be able to take more pain than at 34. (not that

No...by 34 all of your nerves are shot and you no longer feel
pain (of course sitting in your wheel chair all day you don't
have to worry about it!)


>you can't get in shape at that age...I know ...It's never too late).> 
>>   .......deleted stuff.......
>>
>>> Weighing less won't makes your grades better, 
>>> make you a better person, make people love you more (all things
>>> that are important to me:),
>
>like they aren't important to me either!
> 
> 
>B
>>> it will only make you weigh less...
>>> Why would a healthy, young, athletic person want to do that anyway???
>>  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>> Margot
>>
>>Why? I'll tell you precisely why...because it *does*  
>>"make sense at 22"  (I'm 20).  I happen to think that
>>losing 10, 20, or 30 pounds would make me the happiest 
>>girl on the planet, and that would in turn change a lot
>>and i mean a *lot*, maybe just about everything, for the
>>better, including my self-esteem, disposition, motivation, 
>>and yes, grades and the way people interact with me.  Does
>>any of this make sense?  I just reread this and it may seem
>>like I'm being facetious, but I'm not. I am totally serious!
>>Wow isn't it neat the way one line is just 1 character longer
>>than the line before it, except for this one.
>>
>>
>>~~~~^^^^~~~~^^^^~~~~^^^^~~~~^^^^~~~~^^^^~~~~^^^^~~~~^^^^~~~~^^^^
>
>Yes, thank you Lisa.  For a while I thought I was going to go
>crazy.  I'm glad you feel this way too.
>
>Margot, 
>don't you realize that there is a terrible problem with young people
>today?  There are continuously stories in magazines and on the news
>about adolescents and girls as young as 6 and 7 who are "dieting"
>to loses weight.  There are girls *and* boys who are struggling to 
>"fit in" with the popular kids, who want to be accepted, who want to
>be invited to parties and dance with the people they have crushes on.
>Middle School is not the time to tell kids not to worry about it.

Wait a minute...first of all, what would YOU tell a 6 or 7 year old
that wanted to lose weight becuase it would make him/her happier,
make their life better, make their grades better, etc???  Even a
middle schooler.  In fact I have a neice in middle school who used
to go around saying that she was ugly (she isn't).  Of course we
told her that she wasn't!  This is the same kid that later, when
I started on WW told me that she didn't think I needed to lose
weight (I obviously did/do!) but it shows me that maybe she has
learned something about what matters!


>They will never understand what the truly important things in life
>are until they come to realize this and accept what they've got.
>
>I probably realized this in 8th grade, but I have never been able
>to accept myself.  And while I worry about grades probably more
>than the next student, and all I really want is for the people I 
>care about to love me too, and accept me into their lives, telling
>someone this is not going to change their outlook on life.

But is encouraging them to do something that MIGHT not work
(like losing 12 lbs) going to help?

 
>
>You said exactly what I have been hearing all my life.  Sometimes
>I've felt that if only I could get really skinny or really obeses, 
>then maybe I could get some help.  I've even reasoned with myself
>that if I joined a weight loss support group, I would get sneers and
>dirty looks from people who wouldn't understand why I am there.
>
>I am probably about 12 pounds overweight, and that may not seem like
                                ^^^^^^^^^^  
by what standard are you overweight?  Is it fat?  what percent are 
you lean body mass (have you read Fit or FAT)?


>a lot to some people, but those extra pounds have always been there
>since middle school.  It wasn't until Senior year that the other
>girls started appearing bigger to me...meaning that I was just ahead
>puberty wise...but I was still a bigger girl for the most part.  And
>my whole attitude has been based on my weight.  My self esteem is
>low, my motivation is almost nill (and that includes motivation to
>succeed in school and career) I basically have no respect for myself
>because I have let this go on for so long  and I'm fed up with it.
>
>
>I thought that if I wrote to the group, I would get some support
>(that is what this group is for, isn't it?)  And I did get some from
>a few very kind people who understand, but all that you said is 
>exactly what I've been hearing my whole life, "Oh you look fine,
>stop complaining, you don't need to worry, you look good, "  and

Need I say this IS NOT what I said???


>from my mom, "oh, I was always a Tubo" when in fact my mom was
>practically aneorexic in her early mothering years.  Now has any
             ^^^^^^^^^
Fiona, where are you anyway!!!  


>of that ever helped me?  No or I wouldn't be here. I agree with
>Lisa who believes that losing just 10 or 20 pounds would change
>a lot for us.

>
>I'm sorry Margot, if I seem angry.  I think I am frustrated at
>the whole thing.  Maybe you just don't understand enough about
>me and who I am to be able to make me like myself better just
>by saying that it doesn't seem like I have that much to worry
>about...does that make sense...??  But I think that if anyone     

It's hard to get to know someone by one or two postings...


>here is concerned and worried about their health enough to post
>looking for support, then no matter how severe their problem,
>they need that support and understanding...I almost gave up
>on the group...
>
I'm sorry if I angered you (although anger can be put to good use...)
but I felt that in your post when you told about your motivation
regarding your friend's weight and you not wanting to see her
or anyone else from home that you sounded like you were putting
alot of responsability onto that 12 lbs.  Had you said that you
feel out of shape, tired and unhealthy my response would have been
different. (and maybe would have sounded more "supportive".  Would
it have been supportive to tell my niece "yes, you are ugly, dear,
get some plastic surgery"?)  Is it any more helpful to say,
yes, you can lose tht 12 lbs?  (Try reading Fit or Fat by Covert
Bailey....cutting down on fats....I have a friend that did this
(cut his fats down to 20% of calories and did aerobic exercise)
and lost 15 lbs.   Also, there are LOTS of WW who only have 10-20
lbs to lose, don't feel bad if you want to go (I felt
bad going having to lose 80+ lbs!))

Margot
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