From: Bruce.Feist@f615.n109.z1.fidonet.org
Newsgroups: alt.music.filk
Subject: Lydia
X-Sender: newtout 0.06 Jan  3 1993
Date: 05 Jan 93  07:18:52

Hi, everyone.  I'm a fictional singer who's a figment of Bruce Feist's
imagination; I work at a bar called the 'Bloody Half Elf' in a FRP world
called Ravion that he created, in the city called Gredom.  I'd like to
apologize in advance for posting here, since FILK isn't really part of my
world at all, but I have a song for you that you might enjoy.  Originally I
posted it on a local echo frequented by my fellow Ravioli, but one of them (a 
figment of Dave Aronson's imagination) suggested that it was ready for the Big 
Time.  Hence, here I am...

To give credit where it's due, Polly Goldman was the first in your world to
realize that I had written it (after watching the Marx Brothers' "At the
Circus").  And, so you know who to blame, I had Bruce Feist enter it for me.

So the song makes sense to you, I need to give you some background
information.  Perhaps you've heard of the Bloody Half Elf; it's the premier
bar in the city of Gredom, and is noted in part for the behemoth skull which
is its entrance.  I heard a curious tale from a traveller about two
adventuring Gredomites, and it struck me as the stuff of which legends are
made.

But be warned:  The material is both perverse and sexually explicit.  If you
find this offensive, don't read further!

Ah.  Still with me, I see -- I thought so.  I'd heard about you...

Anyway, Nirien was a warrior woman who adventured with a group of friends. 
She had, sad to say, some unpleasant habits, including collecting the genitals 
of creatures that they slew.

One day they encountered and 'rescued' a beautiful woman, Demarra, who
explained that she was the daughter of a wealthy merchant, and was being held 
for ransom.  It turned out that she was not being truthful.  She took one a
mage in the group as a lover.  The mage later died, and Nirien removed his
penis and later presented it to Demarra as a memento.

Alas, it turned out that Demarra had not been truthful.  It seems that she's a 
succubus, and she flew into a rage at the 'gift' (she apparently considered it 
sacrilege), and laid a curse upon Nirien.  Now, every time Nirien (who has a
rather high libido and in fact is a worshipper of Phyllis, the goddess of sex 
and beauty and the Queen of the Succubi) attempts sexual relations, she
changes sex.  S/he can't even masturbate, or at least suffers when doing so;
his/her perceptiveness drops each time, and her/his hands seem to be getting
hairier.  Hence, this song...

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Nirien, oh Nirien, 
Oh have you met Nirien,
Nirien who's sometimes a lady

Swaps sex which her lover hates
goes blind when she masterbates

Nirien, oh Nirien, 
Oh have you met Nirien,
Nirien who pissed off guess who

In her backpack were scrotums and balls and a dong
the succubus thought she had done something wrong
when she swaps sex we taunt her with this song...
You can learn a lot from Nirien !

--------------------------------------------------------------

Any suggestions for future verses will be gratefully accepted.  Thank you.

--- Maximus 2.01wb