From: Tim.Nelson@Canada.NCR.CA
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Interim Canonical List of Old * Never Die, they just ...
Date: 11 Jan 93 18:43:04 GMT
Expires: 2 Mar 93 00:00:00 GMT
Reply-To: Tim.Nelson@Canada.NCR.CA
Organization: NCR Canada Ltd. Mississauga, Ontario

Canonical Lists of Old * Never Die, they just ...
=================================================
#02 Feb 1993 - initial posting

Mini Table of Contents
1) Introduction and PS
2) THE LIST

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
INTRODUCTION
------------

We all know that no one really dies, they just have something happen to
them in a rather final manner.

To find out what will happen to you in a few years, read on.

Thanks to those of you who started this list, and continue to add to it.

PS.  If you have any more jokes to add to this list, please send them to me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Old * Never Die, They Just ....

OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance
OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part
OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver
OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures
OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest
OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling
OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off
OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away
OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures
OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter
OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out
OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes
OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket
OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory
OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged
OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged
OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties
OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience
OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact
OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings
OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed
OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away
OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way
OLD FROGS never die, but they do croak
OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire
OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips
OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way
OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED
OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe
OLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll over
OLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressed
OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out
OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils
OLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent
OLD LAWYERS never die, they just loose their briefs
OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal
OLD LIMBO DANCERS never die, they just go under
OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs
OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate
OLD MILKMAIDS never die, they just lose their whey
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just decompose
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar
OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed
OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot
OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces
OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing
OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off
OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane
OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out
OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits
OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just loose their memory
OLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurse
OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little "DINGHY"
OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals
OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles
OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision
OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away
OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper
OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded
OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding
OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class
OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state
                      of maximum entropy
OLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsive
OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged
OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip
OLD POSTMEN never die, they just lose their zip

There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics,
    but their future is doubtful
WALT DISNEY didn't die.  He's in suspended animation
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor