From: anon-1298@twwells.com (Carol)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Confrontation with my mother
Date: 4 Jan 93 22:45:11 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Christmas Day. I had to invite her over. I didn't want to see
her, but these traditions can be hard to break... By the end
of the day I was reasonably drunk and told her why it is I've
been avoiding her all year. I said "Mum, I was sexually abused
by John (her ex) when I was a kid and I'm in counselling for
it now. Yes I blame you and that's why I haven't wanted to
see you." 

Well she took me completely by surprise - hugged me
(I can't remember her ever hugging me before), said she was
sorry, said we'd have to work it through, and lots of other
amazingly reasonable things.

Three days later she rang all upset. She was feeling guilty.
She was horrified about what had happened. I thought "Christs,
I've had enough trouble dealing with all this myself - I don't
want to have to help *her* deal with it now..." I said the
first thing I could think of. I asked her to come to my next
appointment with my counsellor so the counsellor could give her
something to read and tell her not to feel guilty and my
responsibility could thus be absolved.

So yesterday I went and saw my counsellor with my mother in tow -
and all romantic notions I had of a reconciliation with the
woman are forever quashed. You see my mother is a hpyochondriac
and all my life nothing I've ever done or that has happened to
me has been anywhere *close* in importance to her "problems". 

She said she saw all that had happened to me as a side effect of her
own problems (whick is true of course) and that I had not suffered
*nearly* so much as her. She said one day she'd be better and we'd
all realise just how sick she'd been. She carried on and on about 
John and how much trouble we'd have in finding him (totally oblivious
to me saying "I really don't want to find him mum, I really *don't*
want to know about him.."), she complained that I never come to see
her, that I never did anything for her except take her money.

There was *one* thing she was worried about with me. One thing. That
I might have got some "medical problems" from John. I said "I don't.
It's fine. My health is FINE." She's never believed I'm healthy.
She's always wanted me to be sick like her. She said "If Carol's got
any medical problems from this I know where they can be fixed up",
meaning she wants me to come to her latest doctor with her. She had
no concern what so ever about my mental health. When my counsellor
said "Carol's come a long way this year. She's very brave. You should
be proud" my mother just looked completely blank.


Uggh. I feel exhausted. I never want to see my mother again. I want her
OUT OF MY LIFE. 

Signed
	an angry but resigned Carol

PS - thanks as ever for being there



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