From: mchundat@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu (Mathai Chundattu)
Subject: Re: dowry
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 18:05:06 GMT
Organization: Engineering Computer Network, University of Oklahoma, Norman, OK, USA

In article <Mena1AC00WB41iXfA2@andrew.cmu.edu> Sudha Neelakantan <sudha+@CMU.EDU> writes:
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In kerla, in general, the wife is less educated than the husband. We
rarely see a pair in which the wife is more educated. In the case of the
ordinary people in kerala, this distinction doesn't have much meaning
because both the husband and wife might not have finished a 10th
standard of schooling. But in the case of the well-educated, I mean
people who have at least their Bachelor's degree, the scenario is
different. Educated young men and women in kerala have a preconceived 
notion that the husband should be more educated than the wife. This
doesn't include the 'over-educated' people like many on this net. I
truly beleive that every one who reads or write on this net is far more
educated than the common people we see in kerala. I would say that
no one on this net will give or take dowry because most of us are
assured that we can start a family life without support or help from
outside. Is this possible for someone who gets an 800 Rs a month? What
about the majority with no means of support at all, except that they
will inherit something from their family in future. Should they wait
till they get the means for support? 

I remember a friend of mine, who really felt this dilemma. He was from a
well-to-do family, and educated, like many in kerala. His family could
support him if he wanted to marry. The family persistently pressed him
about it. But he waited and waited to find his own means to support his
would be family. Finally, he gave up and married a girl his parents
chose and, also with dowry. He was in his early 40s and he had his face
and head completely grey. Cases like these are not uncommon in kerala.
Does anyone want these to happen? What are the solutions to this
problem? How one can say 'No' to dowry in these situations?


>Think about the marxian ideology that marriage is nothing
>but legalized prostitution.

I couldn't figure out what kuntham this means.

>stereotype by males like you among others.  don't you owe her a
>reasonable amount of payment for such mundane things as sex or a well
>maintained home if nothing else, or don't you believe in a minimum
>wage[figure in the overtime, and hardship pay for putting up with
>someone like you]? 

I see a typical kerala peNkodi here. Many of them think that the husband
have to take lead in sex. Is it because they beleive that they actually
bought the husband for their sexual gratifications? Or is it true that
only men are interested in sex and women just receive whatever their
husband can give them? Is it true that in kerala young men and women
experience the joys of sex only after their marriage? I serioulsly doubt
that sex will be a boring experience for the youth of kerala.

>you would have to be a moron if you believed that
>your initial status of being better value for the money precluded
>eclipse by your wife were she given the same opportunities.  and you
>might actually be able to stay home all day and cook a hot meal for
>the evening and dutifully make love on demand(what a utopian life!)
>leaving nasty, difficult things like going out and making a living to
>your wife. :-)

I would love to be one like that.

> 
>
>Sudha
>

Regards,

Mathai

-- 


Mathai Chundatt            mchundat@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu
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