From: barnejd@wkuvx1.bitnet
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics
Subject: Re: LNH - The Battle Royale Begins! 
Date: 9 Sep 92 11:29:51 CDT
Organization: Western Kentucky University, Bowling Green, KY

In article <1992Sep8.205124.58728@cc.usu.edu>, sl859@cc.usu.edu writes:
> 	"Yes, both Continuity Champ and Captain Continuity are one and the
> same.  Aparently, overexposure to Dyslexia had caused Continuity Champ to 
> become himself with a different name.  He even did things he was not 
> responsible for, because of Dyslexia's ability to warp the LNH reality."
> 
> 	The LNH turned to Continuity Champ and said, "But you are Captain
> Continuity" which explains why we are all befuddled at your need to sneak
> in here and demand his ousting. "Besides, we like your personality better."
> 
> "Gosh, with so many people involved in this cross-post-overs I shudder to 
> think what Continuity Champ's job must really be like.  

  Continuity Champ did his best to look unbothered by this disturbing
news.  He could only believe that Captain Continuity was himself from
his future come back to the past to meet him.  Otherwise, he would
be doing more harm to the timeline than good with his cross-continuity
jumps.
  Then, a sobering thought hit him - could it be that every one of the
Legionnaires was but an alternate version of him?
  Nah, the Champ said, this is r.a.c, not r.a.xbooks.
 
> Just then the screams of Spelling Boy could be heard from net.earth.  In an
> attempt to shrug off his defeat, he had unleashed Professor Perhap and was
> being eaten by ravenous wolves.  Hahahaha.  I knew that little trap would
> catch the twerp!  Too Bad, he had to return to the scene of the crime!  
> wReam congratulated himself as he had planned it all along.  
> 
>  Acton Lord conveniently read the message alloud. "CrossOver Queen
> and Royalty King are attempting to Louise Simonsonize the NET!  You must 
> do something to stop them!  Even you are not invulnerable from this threat."
> Acton Lord Gasped in horror, only a pure mad man would perpetuate the
> debotchery of this hellspawn!  Acton Lord knew he needed a decoy if
> his plan to depose Crossover Queen was to succeed so he contacted Sig Lad.
> Sig Lad's overwhelming drive to do good would be the perfect distraction.

  Meanwhile, the editors of LNH, disappointed that a grudge match
between Captain Continuity and Continuity Champ had been blown out
of the water, considered retconning the entire net.  Deciding it
would all be a waste since the r.a.c.world was going kabloowey in
3 weeks, the immortal and omnipotent beings wandered off in new
directions, last seen headed for the last bastion of creativity,
alt.fan.quayle.
  Simultaneously, Continuity Champ was explaining the dire situation
to the LNH.  The world was doomed to destruction; their only hopes
were to (a) attack Crossover Queen, which was pretty much pointless
since the only way to stop her mad plan was to do (b), doobee, doobee,
doo (doobee or not doobee - sorry, couldn't resist); or (b) to
combine all the earths into a single earth situated around the cosmic
axis of rec.art.comics.misc.
  Cliche Boy then hit upon a plan.  "Hey, let's split up!"
  Everyone, knowing what had happened to acertain other Legion when
someone said that, looked at him with eyes blazing.
  "Wait," Continuity Champ said, "this plan has merit.  I will lead a
team of the most powerful among us against Crossover Queen, while
Rebel Yell will lead a special strike force to find the LNH editors
and persuade them to realign the cosmos."
  "Who died and made you leader?" someone asked.
  Continuity Champ fixed him with an icy gaze.  "You will have if you
don't shut up," he spat, rubbing the Ring of RetConn.  "My team will
consist of Marvel Zombie Boy, Spelling Boy-"
  "He's dead," Parking Karma Boy (Lad?) said gently. "Grammer Boy has
gone off to avenge him."
  "This is r.a.comics; nobody stays dead forever except Bucky.  As I
was saying, Spelling Boy, and several others whose names I can't
remember right now will come with me.  The rest of you, Parking
Karma Kid (is that right?), and you others - with Rebel Yell.  Good
luck and may the F*rc*-"
  "Can't use that."
  "I beg your pardon?"
  "Haven't you been reading the Star Wars articles?  The F*rc* is
copyright of L*c*sf*lm.  Can't use it."
  This new development disturbed the Champ.  Things on the net were
taking place, things beyond his knowledge, things beyond his control.
For the first time in several lifetimes, he began to feel the cold
knot of fear grip his stomach.
  "Anyway, good luck."  He waved his arms above his head.  "I call
upon the Terrible Transportation of Liefield to take us-"
  "Hey, he didn't use incantations before," someone astutely noted.
  The Champ turned on the LNH. "_Maybe_ I'm evoking poetic license.
_Maybe_ my powers have been changed in some manner.  _Maybe_ I just
felt like saying that!"
  "Or maybe the writer just messed up," Marvel Zombie Boy said under
his breath.  No one heard him, so no one noticed that statement which
would have been seriously out of character for him (a grim
foreshadowing perhaps?).
  "All of you, quiet, before we wind up on Alpha Centauri.  I invoke
the Laborious Leap of Lee (Jim, not Stan or Jae) to transport us to
the world of H'yddee'uz, the domain of Louise Simonson, the Crossover
Queen."
  The party vanished in a flash of peach light.
  Meanwhile, the alien who had been chasing around Dr. Killfile trying
to knock him off dragged the huge power packs to his laser rifle
behind him.  He fixed his eyes on his goal - the no-longer-so-secret
headquarters of the bad Doctor.  When Killfile returned, he would
be waiting.
  A grin spread across the alien's fangs.

TO BE CONTINUED...