HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: tka2@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (TOMER AMIT)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Don't Read Me. Only a test...
Date: 12 Dec 92 06:55:54 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <702.9212101345@thor.cf.ac.uk>, scocjk@thor.cf.ac.uk (Christopher Kyl
e) writes:
>In article <1992Dec8.185407.15398@Princeton.EDU> sguha@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (S
aumyen Guha) writes:
>|In article <61190004@acf3.NYU.EDU> wut@acf3.NYU.EDU (Tom Wu) writes:
>|>/* acf3:rec.humor / mwasserm@diana.cair.du.edu (MARC Y. WASSERMAN) / 10:42 am
  Dec  7, 1992 */
>|>In article <ByvLyF.MBt@news.ucs.mun.ca> jfarrell@morgan.ucs.mun.ca (James Far
rell) writes:
>|>>In article <1992Dec6.212621.12609@spock.UUCP> bane@spock.uucp (Cameron Huang
) writes:
>|>>>In article <184434@pyramid.pyramid.com> vkhare@misdev.mis.pyramid.com (Vila
s Khare) writes:
>|>>>>.this is a test message, please ignore.
>|>>>You are a dork, and your post's a bore.
>|>>That's not very nice. You're just being sore.
>|>Perhaps he's ironic, and wants some more.
>|>
>|>Quit dancing around, and let's get to the core.
>|As if , you are talking to a whore!
>He knows that, he knows the score.
>I bet his sisters snore.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
From: morgan@arc.ab.ca (Sean Morgan)
Date: 18 Dec 92 14:29:31 MDT
Distribution: world
Organization: Alberta Research Council

In article <1992Dec14.060929.24023@math.ucla.edu> aps@sonia.math.ucla.edu
(Alexei Stolboushkin) writes:
>In article <gDyoVB1w165w@bwalk.dm.com> dlv@bwalk.dm.com (Dimitri Vulis)
writes:
>>
>.... stuff deleted
>
>v Ierusalime otkrylsya restoran ``Nostal'giya'': skaterti gryaznye,
>kormyat durno, otbyvayuschih gostej shvejtsar naputstvuet slovami:
>``Ubirajsya v svoj Izrail', zhidovskaya morda...''
>
Jeez, I rotated that and it still didn't work (though rotating did make the
original jokes funnier).
-----------------+-------------------------------
Sean Morgan      |  ALBERTA  6815 - 8 Street N.E.
                 | RESEARCH  Calgary, AB, Canada
morgan@arc.ab.ca |  COUNCIL  T2E 7H7
From: akhurshe@pearl.tufts.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: a philosophy joke
Date: 20 Dec 92 04:09:29 GMT
Organization: Tufts University - Medford, MA

alright!  here's a corny joke -- hope you like it =)

Aristotle, Hegel, and Descartes walk into a bar and the bartender
ask Aristotle, "Would you like something to drink?"  Aristotle
looks over the menu and replies, "I think I'll have a Pin~a
Colada."  The bartender makes him a Pin~a Colada and then asks
Hegel, "Would you like something to drink?"  Hegel looks over
the menu and replies, "I think I'll have a beer."  So, the bartender
does his bartenderly duties and serves Hegel a beer.  He then
turns to Descartes and asks, "Descartes, would you like something
to drink?"  Descartes look over the menu and replies,

(pick a punchline)

#1 ----->  "But of course!  I drink, therefore I am!"

#2 ----->  "I think not."  And *POOF* -- disappeared!


                               Odd
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: garrett@Ingres.COM (REACH OUT AND GREP SOMEONE)
Subject: What TV teaches us...
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1  
Keywords: 
Organization: ASK Computer Systems, Ingres Product Division
Date: 12 Dec 92 03:32:44 GMT

	Thanks to a couple people who emailed me suggestions, and
also my creative co-workers. (Disclaimer: There may be an occasional
exception, but these are almost always true.)

1) If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
2) Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased
   by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
3) Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
4) Crazy people are always dangerous.
5) Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
6) Good guys are always outnumbered.
7) Good guys always win and get the girl.
8) Ugly people are always bad guys.
9) Good guys are always good looking.
10) Sex, murder, and mayhem is a way of life.
11) Good guys are the only ones that have a sense of humor.
12) Cars will explode in all accidents, no matter how slight.
13) If you jump hundreds of feet into water, it will always be deep enough.
14) The head bad guy is always smart. The guys working for him are always 
    stupid.
15) Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.
16) Bathrooms are only made for sex, murder, and drugs.
17) Haunted houses are never locked.
18) Women will faint at crucial times.
19) Good guys will always get shot in the arm or leg.
20) All Chinese people know Karate.
21) Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.
22) Rich people are either unhappy or private detectives.
23) Teenagers are always smarter than their parents.
24) Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.
25) There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
26) Indians make good fodder.
27) Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders.
26) Computers never crash.
27) When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from
    the corner of their mouth.
28) No one farts, except after eating beans.
29) Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 people.
30) Bad guys will make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but will
    leave before finding out if it works.
31) Christmas Eve and Halloween night lasts for three or four days.
32) Movies based on true stories are always made up.
33) Police never wait for back-up.
34) Undercover cops are too good to be spotted.
35) Private detective work is glamorous.
36) All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth
    and two outs.
37) All police killings are in self defense.
38) Everyone wins in Las Vegas.
39) Good guys don't take drugs.
40) Nobody on Tv has time to watch TV.
41) <insert yours here>


	Aern't you glad TV isn't true? If you have any to add to this 
email me with them.

-Garrett@Ingres.com
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dean@inform.co.nz (Dean Roberts)
Subject: Re: Riddle?
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 01:56:18 GMT
Organization: InForm Group Ltd.

In article <1992Dec16.123403.22141@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com>, davesp@ecs.comm.mot.com (Dave Spensley) writes:
> In article <1992Dec12.191045.7061@spock.UUCP> dsohl@spock.uucp (Daniel Sohl) writes:
> >>Here's one that hopefully hasn't made the rounds yet (if so, well
> >>here it is again...)
> >>
> >>You and a buddy decide to go bear hunting.  You pick out your spot
> >>and set up camp.  Bright and early the next morning you and your pal
> >>head off south to find your bear.  After traveling for about 3 hours,
> >>you see a bear and take a shot.  You miss and the bear runs off toward
> >>the West.  You and your pal follow after it for about 2 hours when
> >>your friend sees the bear up ahead and takes a shot.  He only wounds
> >>it and the bear takes off running toward the North.  You follow along,
> >>tacking it as you go.  About 3 hours later, you have given up and
> >>stumble back into your camp only to fine the bear is there riping
> >>the camp apart and he looks really mad!  What color is the bear?
> >
> >This version isn't very well-worded, but I know what you're talking
> >about. As I heard it:
> >You set up camp. The bear wanders into your camp, and you have to
> >defend yourselves. You fire at the bear, but miss, and the bear takes
> >off to the west. You chase after it for three hours before finally
> >killing it at the campsite. What color is it?
> >-- 
> >"Life is like a grapefruit."     *                       -- Dan Sohl
> >"Er, how so?"                    *****************************************
> >"Well, it's sort of orangy-yellow on the outside, pink and squidgy on the*
> > inside. Oh, yeah, and some people have half a one for breakfast."       *
> 
> I like the first version better.  Answer is "white".

I couldn't figure out the answer although I now understand it.  Problem is the
vagueness of the directions.  Due west/north would have been more obvious.

Still haven't figured out the colour of the shop assistants elbow.

Dean.

I'm too poor to afford the disk space for a .Sig
From: cej0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (CHARLES EDWARD JAMES)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Test
Date: 19 Dec 92 06:29:34 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <1992Dec18.143400.6456@bmerh85.bnr.ca>, coop1d11@bmerh301.bnr.ca (Dav
id Smith) writes:
>In article <1992Dec18.020436.2148@news.arc.nasa.gov> nicholso@pioneer.arc.nasa.
gov (Melvin H. Nicholson YBH) writes:
>>In article <BzF6E3.Lp7@cck.coventry.ac.uk> cei352@cck.coventry.ac.uk (The Frea
k) writes:
>>>In article <1992Dec17.102719.13134@bsu-ucs> 01jmbrown@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu write
s:
>>>>In article <1992Dec17.003955.27658@spock.UUCP>, gumby@spock.uucp (Danny Rich
man) writes:
>>>>> In article <1992Dec11.232428.9398@pasteur.Berkeley.EDU> xiaohan@euler.Berk
eley.EDU (Xiaohan Yun) writes:
>>>>>>In article <1992Dec7.232807.15638@spock.UUCP> kurgan@spock.uucp (Andrew Tw
yman) writes:
>>>>>>>In article <1992Dec7.225159.15483@spock.UUCP> ramirez@spock.uucp (Andreas
 Orphanides) writes:
>>>>>>>>In article <1992Dec6.212621.12609@spock.UUCP> bane@spock.uucp (Cameron H
uang) writes:
>>>>>>>>>In article <184434@pyramid.pyramid.com> vkhare@misdev.mis.pyramid.com (
Vilas Khare) writes:
>>>>>>>>>>.this is a test message, please ignore.
>>>>>>>>>You are a dork, and your post's a bore.
>>>>>>>>Read alt.test for tests galore.
>>>>>>>I hope this cascade doesn't go on much more.
>>>>>>But you know that you are telling a forklore.
>>>>> This is starting to make me snore.
>>>>is this the rec.humor people adore?
>>>Or is it porn,which is hard core.?
>>Haven't when been through all this before?
>No, have some BEER and let me pour!
Why have one when we can have four!
-- 
Charles James
Lehigh University
CEJ0@Lehigh.EDU
---------------------------------------------------------
What eeees it????  You fat bloated sack of protoplasm!!!!
---------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: zmyd02@hou.amoco.com (Denton Meredith)
Subject: Re: AGGIE
Reply-To: zmyd02@hou.amoco.com
Organization: Amoco
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 19:31:30 GMT

In article 1380@galaxy.gov.bc.ca, sringrose@galaxy.gov.bc.ca () writes:
>
>> 
>> 
>> Au contrair, mon frere.  To be called an Aggie is one of the greatest honors on the planet!  ;>
>> 
>> Q:  What do you call an Aggie five years after he graduates?
>> A:  BOSS!
>> 
>> 
>> Meredith Denton, Fightin' Texas Aggie classes of '89 and '92
>  
>     Class of 89 and 92? what, you forgot and had to graduate again?
>    Would that be boss of the 7-11???
>
>Scott
>> 



No Scott, that would be a B.S. ('89) and an M.S. ('92) with a major you probably can't spell, beanbrain.

Sorry everyone, sometimes I get touchy!

Meredith Denton
Amoco Production Company
Houston, Texas
From: dag@col.hp.com (David Geiser)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: CHALLENGE
Date: 15 Dec 1992 17:01:36 GMT
Organization: HP Colorado Springs Division
NNTP-Posting-Host: hplsdor.col.hp.com

Here's one that makes a judge (actually a Lord Chief Justice) look 
good, close enough?





A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city
subscribed to a fund for his funeral.  The Lord Chief Justice of
Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.

"Only a shilling?"  said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an
attorney?  Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 of them."


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dfm2@jaguar.uofs.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: PC manifesto
Date: 13 Dec 92 00:15:18 GMT
Organization: University of Scranton

About all this PC crap...
How is my personal computer going to save the world from racism?
From: scocjk@thor.cf.ac.uk (Christopher Kyle)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Don't Read Me. Only a test...
Date: 14 Dec 92 11:37:24 GMT
Organization: University of Wales College at Cardiff
X-Mailer: Cardiff Computing Maths PP Mail Open News Gateway

|In article <702.9212101345@thor.cf.ac.uk>, scocjk@thor.cf.ac.uk (Christopher Kyle) writes:
|> In article <1992Dec8.185407.15398@Princeton.EDU> sguha@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Saumyen Guha) writes:
|> |In article <61190004@acf3.NYU.EDU> wut@acf3.NYU.EDU (Tom Wu) writes:
|> |>/* acf3:rec.humor / mwasserm@diana.cair.du.edu (MARC Y. WASSERMAN) / 10:42 am  Dec  7, 1992 */
|> |>In article <ByvLyF.MBt@news.ucs.mun.ca> jfarrell@morgan.ucs.mun.ca (James Farrell) writes:
|> |>>In article <1992Dec6.212621.12609@spock.UUCP> bane@spock.uucp (Cameron Huang) writes:
|> |>>>In article <184434@pyramid.pyramid.com> vkhare@misdev.mis.pyramid.com (Vilas Khare) writes:
|> |>>>>.this is a test message, please ignore.
|> |>>>You are a dork, and your post's a bore.
|> |>>That's not very nice. You're just being sore.
|> |>Perhaps he's ironic, and wants some more.
|> |> 
|> |>Quit dancing around, and let's get to the core.
|> |As if , you are talking to a whore!
|> He knows that, he knows the score.
|I wish you would slam your dick in the door!
But surely that is against the law?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: LJ03933@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM
Subject: ROBOSHOGUN ascii
Organization: Lockheed Missiles & Space Company, Inc.
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 15:39:19 GMT

--------------------------------------------------------------------

                 ((                    ))
                 ((      ++ ++ ++      ))
                 ((((  +-||-||-||-+ )))))
                 ((((+++-++-++-++-+++))))
                   ((||+----------+||))
                   ((||| -      - |||))
                     |||    ++    |||
                     |||  ======  |||
                     +++----------+++
               +---------------------------+
               |                           |
               |   +--------+ +--------+   |
               |   |        | |        |   |
               |   |        | |        |   |
               |   |        | |        |   |
               +---+--------+-+--------+---+
           +------+ +------------------+ +------+
           |      | |    +--------+    | |      |
           |      | |    |--|--|--|    | |      |
           |      | |    |--|--|--|    | |      |
           |      | |    |--|--|--|    | |      |
           +------+ |    +--------+    | +------+
                    +------------------+     |||
              +-------------+ +-------------+|||
              |             | |             ||||
              |             | |             ||||
              |             | |             ||||
              |             | |             |||
              |             | |             ||
              |             | |             ||
              +--+--------+-+ +--+--------+-+
                 |--------|      |--------|
                 |        |      |        |
                 |        |      |        |
                 |        |      |        |
                 |        |      |        |
                 +--------+      +--------+
                  \      /        \      /
                   \    /          \    /
                    ||||||||   |||||||||
                    |||  ||| | |||||| ||
                    | |  ||| | || ||| ||
                    | |  ||| | || ||| ||
          ********* |||||||| | ||| ||||| *********
        *';.<>:":><.|||| ||| | ||| ||||| >:":><>< **
        *:";.,.;':><|:|| ||| | ||| |  || >:":><>.;.**
      ** .;":><>:":>||||.||| . ||| | >|| >:":><>.;":**
      ** .;":><>:":>|>|| ||| , ||| |  || >:":><>.;":><*
       ** .;":><>:":|||| ||| ^ ||| |  || <>:":><>.;":>**
         * .;":><>:"|<||<|||   |||||: || ><>:":><>. **
           * .;":><>||||||||||||||||  || ":><.:;****
             ***.;":><>:":><>.;":><>:":><>..);**
                ******":><>:":><>.;":><>:*****
                       ****************

    RoboShogun ....................    francis@dadd.ti.com

------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sringrose@galaxy.gov.bc.ca
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: AGGIE
Date: 16 Dec 92 08:20:52 -0800
Organization: BC Systems Corporation


> 
> 
> Au contrair, mon frere.  To be called an Aggie is one of the greatest honors on the planet!  ;>
> 
> Q:  What do you call an Aggie five years after he graduates?
> A:  BOSS!
> 
> 
> Meredith Denton, Fightin' Texas Aggie classes of '89 and '92
  
     Class of 89 and 92? what, you forgot and had to graduate again?
    Would that be boss of the 7-11???

Scott
> 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: veen2976@mach1.wlu.ca (veenstra christopher)
Subject: Re: LIMERICK
Organization: Wilfrid Laurier University
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 04:21:59 GMT

In article <1992Dec17.213557.13583@CSD-NewsHost.Stanford.EDU> amorgan@csd-d-4.Stanford.EDU (Crunchy Frog) writes:
>In article <1992Dec17.185150.20986@mlb.semi.harris.com> 
>  jhobson@SU19F.ess.harris.com (Harv Hobson) writes:
>>In article <BzEMJx.G8C@cs.dal.ca> 
>>  franklin@ug.cs.dal.ca (Steve Franklin) writes:
>>>In article <1992Dec17.001118.11284@iscnvx.lmsc.lockheed.com> 
>>>  record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com writes:
>>>>In article <BzCvz2.GDw@cs.dal.ca>, 
>>>>  franklin@ug.cs.dal.ca (Steve Franklin) writes:
>>>>>In <1ghiflINNel4@mercury.kingston.ac.uk> 
>>>>>  cs_e373@ceres (Matthew Simpkin) writes:
>>>>>
>>>>>>There once was a lady from Ham,
>>>>>>Who wanted to ride on a tram,
>>>>>>When she kissed the conductor,
>>>>>>He turned round and fuc*ed her,
>>>>>>And now she is pushing a pram.
>>>>>
>>>>>There once was a fellow named Matthew
>>>>>Who's spelling was awful but grant you,
>>>>>His rhyme was no better,
>>>>>He forgot a letter,
>>>>>It's limerick, but spell as you want to.
>>>>
>>>>The limerick you wrote, I have read it
>>>>I hope never before you have said it
>>>>For it was not funny
>>>>It can't be worth money
>>>>And what's more, I might add, I DON'T GET IT!!!
>>>
>>>I pray that you please will stop shouting.
>>>Of verbal goo please cease your spouting.
>>>The subject is wrong,
>>>Been mispelled all along,
>>>Perhaps you are smart, but I'm doubting.
>>>
>>A limerick cascade's in the making.
>>To most it is not so earthshaking.
>>But bottles of green,
>>Are making me scream.
>>My need rec dot humor's now slaking.
>
>Oh come now, how can you complain?
>There is one thing that's certainly plain.
>This can't go on for long
>(Correct me if I'm wrong)
>For to add to it you need a brain.
>
Well this will go on, it will,
because it's better, still,
than those stupid cascades
and endless tirades,
that always make me want to kill.

Chris
Xref: sparky rec.humor:36412 soc.culture.soviet:11067
From: vlad@erg.sri.com (vlad)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Date: 14 Dec 92 21:29:29 GMT
Organization: SRI International, Menlo Park, CA

In article <gDyoVB1w165w@bwalk.dm.com> dlv@bwalk.dm.com (Dimitri Vulis) writes:
>
>How can you recognize a Soviet emigre in a restaurant?
>
>1. He eats broshch with his hands and gesticulates with his spoon.
>
>2. You head hear him and see see him talk.

3. He is the one saying things like "You head hear him" and "see see him"
just to impress you with his English.


Vlad

Employer strongly disagrees
From: drg@biomath.mda.uth.tmc.edu (David Gutierrez)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Why Women Like Trombone Players
Date: 16 Dec 1992 20:40:14 GMT
Organization: Univ. Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center

In article <_6l2cdc@rpi.edu> petitc@nuge111.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
writes:
>Know why women like trombone players so miuch?

Our instruments our 14 feet long!

(BTW, I play _bass_ trombone, so mine is thicker, too!)

David Gutierrez
drg@biomath.mda.uth.tmc.edu

"Only fools are positive." - Moe Howard
From: la@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Lewis Alderton)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED: korean jokes ( or any asian pacific Islander )
Date: 15 Dec 92 10:11:24 GMT
Organization: Department of Computer Science, University of Edinburgh

In article <626@blue.cis.pitt.edu>, babar+@pitt.edu (Jonggu Moon) writes:
> 
> How come someone posted pages and pages of
> indian and african jokes, but I can only think of 
> three asian jokes ?
> 
> 1 - ... erection day ...
> 2 - ... dental floss for blindfold ...
> 3 - ... koreans in a hockey game goto a corner and open a store ...

Q. Why do so many Koreans and up in a West London Town ????
A. They get in the Taxi at the airport and say 'Harrow Taxi Driver'
-- 
->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->
^ Lovely Louie         | My brain ?? That's my second  |
| la@dcs.ed.ac.uk      v favourite organ.              v
<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mechalas@expert.cc.purdue.edu (John Mechalas)
Subject: Invisible ASCII
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 18:07:07 GMT






















-- 
John Mechalas                      | If you think my opinions are Purdue's, then
mechalas@expert.cc.purdue.edu      |      you vastly overestimate my importance.
Purdue University Computing Center |             Help put a ban on censorship :)
General Consulting                 |                       #include disclaimer.h
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
From: roelle@uars_mag.jhuapl.edu (Curtis Roelle)
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Organization: Johns Hopkins University
Date: 18 Dec 92 20:06:46 GMT

muh@physics2 (Yury M. Mukharsky) writes:

>In article <GOROKHO1.92Dec15162921@husc10.harvard.edu> gorokho1@husc10.harvard.edu (Zhenya Gorokhovsky) writes:
>>hm@cs.brown.edu (Harry Mamaysky) writes:
>>
>>>> Kto nibud' znaet, gde vzroslo eto blednoe chudo? 
>>>> Na prostorah Oklahomschiny ili na pomoikah NYC? Ili on vse 
>>>> zhe sam sebja sechet?

>>Do not worry that you have not understood it, Yuri's Russian is very 
>>sloppy: he puts "ili vse zhe"  instead of "chto-li" or

>I said exactly what I wanted to say. If you do not have a feel of Russian
>language, do not interfere. "Vse zhe" is different from "Ili zhe".


>>"Ili zhe on sam sebya sechet?" or "Sam on sebya vysek chto-li?"
>>sounds a whole lot better, with second variant avoiding 
>>ambiguity between words "sech'" (to cut) and "vysech'" (to whip or to spank)

>Where do you see ambiguity? There is no ambiguity for as you call it 
>"native speaker" here. At least if he "native reader" to smallest extent. 

>And who told you that "unter-ofitser" means same as "policeman"?

>Yury M.

Bu Lhel, qba'g or fhpu n cevpxyrff nffubyr.  Whfg jevgr lbhe tbqqnza fuvg
va Ratyvfu, bx?

Bcvavbaf ner abg gubfr bs rzcyblre, pyvragf, be pyvrag'f phfgbzref.

Curt