From: syspb@smartstar.com (Paul)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Complete list of Blonde jokes
Date: 26 Aug 92 00:14:20 GMT
Organization: SmartStar Corp. / Signal Technolgy Inc.

Just when you thought it was safe to start reading news again! 
Just when you thought all of the blonde jokes were gone forever! 
Well think again...


         	     The COMPLETE List of BLONDE Jokes
		     ----========---------------------

Q:   How is a blond like a beer bottle?
A:   They are both empty from the neck up.

Q:   If a Blonde and a Brunet jumped off the C.N. Tower, which one would
     splat first?
A:   The Brunet. The blonde had to ask directions.

Q:   What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A:   Gifted!

Q:   What do you call a blonde with a whole brain?
A:   A Golden Retriever!

Q:   What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A:   Artificial intelligence.

Q:   Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A:   You can park in the handicap zone.

Q:   Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A:   They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q:   How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A:   Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q:   Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A:   It takes too long to retrain them.

Q:   Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A:   So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q:   Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A:   (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q:   How do you kill a blonde?
A:   Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q:   How do blondes pierce their ears?
A:   They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q:   Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A:   They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
     little packages.

Q:   Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A:   They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q:   Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A:   Because red means stop.

Q:   Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A:   Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Q:   Why do blondes wear underwear?
A:   They make good ankle warmers.

Q:   What's the mating call of the blonde?
A:   "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q:   What's the mating call of the brunette?
A:   "All the blondes have gone home!"

Q:   What's the mating call of the redhead?
A:   "Next!"

Q:   Why do Blondes like the GST? (Regional joke -- Goods and
     Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A:   Because they can spell it.

Q:   Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A:   Toes Go In First.

Q:   Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A:   Tits Go In Front.

Q:   What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
     attractive?
A:   Her ankles.

Q:   What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A:   "Have another beer."

Q:   What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A1:  An interpreter.
A2:  A translator.

Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1:  "Thanks guys... "
A2:  Introduces themself.
A3:  Goes home.

Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A:   Opens the car door.

Q:   What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A:   "Thanks for the refill!"

Q:   Why do blondes have more fun?
A:   Because they don't know any better.

Q:   How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1:  "What's a lightbulb?"
A2:  One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3:  Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

Q:   What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A:   "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

Q:   What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
     head?
A:   All you can eat, under a buck.

Q:   How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A:   There's white-out on the screen.

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A:   You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q:   What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A:   You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
     go down on you.

Q:   How does a blonde part their hair?
A:   (Action of scissoring legs apart)

Q:   Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A:   More head room.

Q:   Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A:   Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q:   Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A:   Because you wash vegetables there!

Q:   What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
A:   Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

Q:   How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A:   Tell her she's pregnant.

Q:   What will she ask you?
A:   "Is it mine?"

Q:   What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A:   A wind tunnel.

Q:   Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
     blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. 
     Who picks it up?
A:   The dumb blonde.
     why?
     There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a
     smart blonde.

Q:   Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A:   To see what was on the other side.

Q:   What do you see when you peer into a blonde's eyes?
A:   A Back of her head.

Q:   Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A:   You dont lend the Porsche out to your friend.

Q:   How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A:   Fertilized.

Q:   How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
A:   She opens up the car door.

Q:   Why do blonds have square boobs?
A:   Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q:   Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A:   They both drip when they're fucked.

Q:   Why is a washing machine better than a blond?
A:   You can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't
     follow you around for a week.

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A:   A toilet won't follow you around when you're done using it.

Q:   How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A:   The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q:   Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
A:   So she could lip read.

Q:   How do you drown a blond?
A1:  Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2:  Don't tell her to swallow.

Q:   What do blondes and cow pies (or buffalo chips) have in common?
A:   The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q:   What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A:   Catch it, pull out the pin and throw it back.

Q:   What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A:   A waste.

Q:   Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A:   She kept having affairs with men!

Q:   What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A:   "Oh look!  Donut seeds!"

Q:   Why does a blonde take the pill?
A:   So she knows what day it is.

Q:   Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A:   It kept falling out.

Q:   But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A:   Wishful Thinking.

Q:   Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A:   They chip their teeth.

Q:   Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A:   They can't dial the 11 in 911.

Q:   What did the blonde say when asked "ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
A:   "No, but I've been swung around by the tits."

Q:   Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A:   Who cares?

Q:   Why did the blonde only change her baby's diapers monthly?
A:   The box said "For 20 pounds."

Q:   How does a blonde part her hair?
A:   By doing the splits.

Q:   How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A1:  Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
A2:  Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1:  You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2:  You can't fit a blonde inside a bowling ball

Q:   How are a bowling ball and a blonde alike?
A1:  You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them
     in the gutter and they'll always come back.
A2:  They're both round and have three holes to poke.

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A:   They know how many men went down on the Titanic.

Q:   How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A:   She threw it off a cliff.

Q:   Why was the blonde proud to finish her jigsaw puzzle in 6 months?
A:   The box said "2-4 years."

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A:   Not everybody has been in a limo.

Q:   What do you say to a blonde with no arms or legs?
A:   "Nice tits!"

Q:   How does a blonde high-5?
A:   She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q:   Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A:   When they do the splits they stick to the floor.

Q:   Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A:   To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q:   How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A:   69 interrupted by a period.

Q:   How do you brainwash a blonde?
A:   Giver her a douche and shake her upside-down.

Q:   What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A:   A dope ring.

Q:   Why did the blonde go halfway to Norway then turn around & come home?
A:   It took her that long to figure out a 14 inch Viking was a TV set.

Q:   What do a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A:   The more you bang them, the looser they get.

Q:   What does a blonde say after she's had sex?
A:   "Gee...are all you guys on the same team?"

Q:   What's the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A:   The blonde!

Q:   How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
A:   Flattered.

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a terrorist?
A:   You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q:   What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
A:   Bucket seats.

Q:   What do blondes do for foreplay?
A:   Remove their underwear.

Q:   What is foreplay for a blonde?
A:   Thirty minutes of begging.

Q:   What important question does a blonde ask her mate before sex?
A:   "By the hour, or flat rate?"

Q:   What's the difference between your blonde wife and your job?
A:   Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q:   Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A:   To cover up the valve stem.

Q:   What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A:   Spot.

Q:   Why did the blonde drown in the pool?
A:   Someone stuck a scratch & sniff at the bottom.

Q:   How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A:   Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q:   Why do blondes have periods?
A:   They deserve them?

Q:   What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A:   Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q:   What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A:   A Space Invader.

Q:   What is a blonde's favorite rock group?
A:   Air Supply

Q:   Why did the blonde have a bruised navel?
A:   Her boyfriend's blond too.

Q:   Why do women have legs?
A1:  To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A2:  So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Q:   Why did God create blondes?
A:   Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q:   what does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
A:   They're both stuck up c*nts!

Q:   Why do blondes have one more brain cell than a cow?
A:   So when you pull their tits, they don't shit on the floor.

Q:   How do you get a blonde to laugh at a joke on Friday ?
A:   Tell it to her on Monday.

Q:   What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A:   Proofreading

Q:   Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A:   For throwing the W's

Q:   How do you confuse a blonde?
A:   Give her M&M's and tell her to put them in alpabetical order.

Q:   What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A:   Branch Manager

Q:   How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A:   Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

Q:   What is 74 to a blonde?
A:   69 plus G.S.T.

Q:   How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A:   By the lipstick on your cucumbers

Q:   How do you know which computer a blonde was using?
A:   By the liquid paper on the screen

Q:   What did the blond customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her
     nametag) ?
A:   "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q:   What's the Blonde's cheer?
A:   " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
     I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea...

Q:   Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A:   'Cause everybody gets a turn.

Q:   Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A:   'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A:   Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1:  You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2:  Only one person can use the phone at once.

Q:   What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A:   They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q:   What does a blonde make for dinner?
A:   Reservations.

Q:   What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
     Ming vase?
A:   "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A:   In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a 
     blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q:   How does a blonde commit suicide?
A:   She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q:   What do blondes and blacks have in common?
A:   Both have black roots.

Q:   What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A:   "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission!  What do you use for bait?"

Q:   Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde
     drives a car?
A:   Cause she blows the horn!!!!!

Q:   What is happening when you hear varoom ...screech    varoom.....screech
     varoom...screech.....
A:   A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a flashing
     red light.

Q:   Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A:   She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q:   How do blonde braincells die ?
A:   Alone.

Q:   Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A:   She'd just dyed her hair.

Q:   Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A:   She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it
     blown around too much.

Q:   What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A:   She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

Q:   What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ?
A:   Pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q:   Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A:   More leg room.

Q:   Why do blonds have orgasms ?
A:   So they know when to stop having sex !

Q:   How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????
A1:  She drops her nail-file!!!
A2:  Who cares?
A3:  She say 'Next'
A4:  The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5:  He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6:  I mean, who really cares?
A7:  The batteries have run out.

Q:   What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1:  They both have a black box.
A2:  Both have a cockpit.

Q:   What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A:   Not everyone has been in a 747

Q:   What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A:   Her IQ goes up!

Q:   What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A:   Butter is difficult to spread.

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A:   The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q:   What do blonds and spagetthi have in common?
A:   They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q:   What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A:   Sweet Fuck All...

Q:   What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A:   If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q:   What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A:   Frosted Flakes.

Q:   What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A:   Frosted Flakes.

Q:   Why don't blondes breast feed their babies?
A:   Because it's too painful to boil the nipples.

Q:   Why do blondes drive VW's
A:   Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Q:   Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A:   So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

Q:   Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A:   A blond electrician

Q:   Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A:   She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Q:   What do you call a smart blond?
A:   A labrador.

Q:   Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A:   Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q:   Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A:   Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q:   What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A:   Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Q:   Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A:   Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q:   Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A:   The vegetable garden.

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A:   The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q:   How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A:   He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her 
     forehead!

Q:   What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A:   Two brunettes.

Q:   Why was the blonde depressed when she received her driver's license?
A:   Because she got an F in sex.

Q:   What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A:   Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q:   What do you call a Prostitute and Four Blondes?
A:   Regular price, Four bucks, Four bucks, Four bucks, Four bucks.

Q:   How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A:   She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she
     did with her pencil.

Q:   Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A:   She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q:   How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A:   She fell out of the tree

Q:   How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
     Maple Leafs?
A:   She fell out of a tree.

Q:   What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A:   An Air Bag

Q:   What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A:   Humpme Dumpme.

Q:   How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A:   One.

Q:   Why do blondes tattoo their zipcode under their belly button?
A:   So they can get the male into the right box.

Q:   Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A:   They don't know the route.

Q:   How do you change a blonde's mind?
A:   Blow in her ear.

Q:   What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A:   A thought.

Q:   What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A:   A whine cellar.

Q:   What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A:   Data transfer.

Q:   What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A:   Last year's hide-and-seek champ.

Q:   How would a blond punctuate the following?:
     "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A:   Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q:   Why do blondes tattoo their zipcode under their belly button?
A:   So they can get the male into the right box.

Q:   Why did they call the blonde "Twinkie"?
A:   She was always being filled with cream.

Q:   Why aren't BLONDES good cattle herders?
A:   Because the can't even keep two calves together!

Q:   Why do blondes have bruises around their belly buttons?
A:   Not all blondes are women!
                           
Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A:   It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Q:   Why has the Virgin Mary always been portrayed
     as a brunette?
A:   Because, she wouldn't have been a virgin if she 
     was blonde.

Q:   what do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A:   pregnant

Q:   How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A:   Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the
     blow dryer!

Q:   What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly
     pygmies?
A:   One's a bunch a cunning runts ...

Q:   What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A:   A mental block.

Q:   Why did the blonde cross the road?
A:   Never mind that!  What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?

Q:   How do you confuse a blonde?
A:   You don't. They're born that way.

Q:   What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A:   A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q:   Whats the difference between a BLONDE and the Panama Canal?
A:   Ones a busy ditch,...

Q:   What do you call six blondes lying on the floor?
A:   An air mattress.

Q:   How do you plant dope?
A:   Bury a blonde.

Q:   Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1:  So brunets can remember them.
A2:  Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

Q:   Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A:   Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke
     List.

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park.  The brunette
says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops,
looks up, and says, "Where?"

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the
wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop:      Do you know where you were going?
Blonde:   No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
          people were leaving.

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
"Driver's licence? What's that?..."
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
"May I have your car insurance?"
"What's that?..."
"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde
exclaims:
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

Three preganant women (a blonde, a brunette and a redhead) are
discussing the facts of life.
The brunette declares, "I'm going to have a boy".
"How do you know?", asks the blonde.
"Well, I was on the bottom when we did it and so its going to be a boy",
replied the brunette.
The redhead replies, "If that's the case, my child is a girl because
I was on top".
The blonde then starts bawling, "I'm going to have a puppy". 

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said 
"Oh, look at the deer tracks."  The other blonde looks and says "Those
arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."  "No.  Those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguig, and one half hour later they were both 
killed by a train.

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign
that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to 
herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had
cleaned 43 restrooms.

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde
said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out,
I'll sink?"

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
them decides to call 911:
Blonde:   We need help. We're three blondes changing
          a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde:   Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde:   Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde:   Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde:   No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde:   We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
          we all fell and hurt ourselves.

Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
where the sun went ? It finally dawned on here.

How about the suicide blonde,
she dyed by her own hand.

Hubby:        As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we
              could do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife:  Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do
              without the gardener.

What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, 
and a blonde.  The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and 
estimated about 20 miles to shore.  So she announced, "I'm going to 
try to swim to shore."  So she swam out five miles, and got really 
tired.  She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired 
to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it.
I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and 
starve." So she attempts to swim out.  The redhead had a lot more 
endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even 
got tired.  After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!  I think 
I'd better try to make it, too."  So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 
15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island.  The shore was just in sight,
but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!"  So she swam back.

The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what 
was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. 
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about 
the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and 
suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain
and the top is down!

     A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven.   When she got to the Pearly
Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven,
you have to pass a test."
    "Oh No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
    "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter
    The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
    "That's interesting...  What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
    Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me!  Andy talks with me! 
Andy tells me..." 

Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a 
book called "How to Hug"?  Got back to the dorm and found out it was
volume seven of the encyclopaedia...

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up
to observe a bird flying overhead.  Suddenly, the
bird drops a load when it was directly over her.
The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth
open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

How about the suicide blonde,
she dyed by her own hand.

Did you hear about the blonde who...
had more on her body than on her mind?
was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

Blondes...
They take a lickin', and keep on...
Lickin!

Two brunettes and a blonde were sitting at a bar.  The first brunette orders a
scotch and soda.  The second brunette orders a gin and pineapple.  The 
bartender asks the blonde what she'll have.
"I'll have a 15."
The bartender has never heard of that one, so he asks, "A what?"
She replies, "A 15.  You know, a 7 & 7."

Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?

 This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop.  His boss comes
out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?"
The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments
he finally agrees.
 So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in.
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She:  "How much for the black one?"
He:   "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She:  "I think I'll take the black one.  I've never had a black one before."
She pays him, and off she goes.
 A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black
dildo?"
He:  "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He:  "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one.  I've never had a white one
      before..."
She pays him, and off she goes.
 About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are
your dildos?"
He:  "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He:  "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never
     had a plaid one before...."
She pays him, and off she goes.
 Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo,
one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"

A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
          "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"