From: al@escom.com (Al Donaldson)
Subject: REEEEALY deep thoughts
Organization: ESCOM Corporation
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 16:21:42 GMT

	REEEEALLY Deep Thoughts
	   by
	Steven W. Handey

I think it would be a lot of fun to go around throwing spot remover
on dogs and seeing them disappear.  Yes, I think that would be really 
funny.

If I ever get a chance to go to Mars, I'll send you a postcard with
a picture of the entire planet Earth.  On the back it would way,
"Wish you were here."

Wouldn't it be a lot of fun to put a humidifier and a de-humidifier
in the same room and let them fight it out?

I think it would be great to live in a house that ran on static electricity...
If you wanted to run the blender, you'd have to rub balloons on your head.  
If you wanted to cook, you'd have to pull off a sweater real quick.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a house on a one-way dead-end road.  
That way, no one could come visit and if they did they couldn't leave...

I thought it would be funny to hook up the accelerator pedal in my car 
to my brake lights.  Then, when I hit the gas, people behind me stop.

A cop stopped me for speeding.  He said, "Why were you going so
fast?"  I said, "See this thing my foot is on?  It's called an
accelerator.  When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the
engine.  The whole car just takes right off.  And see this
thing?  This steers it."

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that
means it's going to be up all night.  Besides that, sometimes it
hurts like hell.

I'd like to buy some powdered water, but then I wouldn't know what 
to add to it.  That would be sad.

I went to the hardware store to buy some batteries, but they weren't
included.  I don't think I'll go back there again.

This morning I woke up with amnesia and deja vu at the same time.  
I think I've forgotten this before.

I was going to commit suicide the other day, but I must not have
been serious because I brought a beach towel.

I think it would be really great to go to a restaurant that serves 
"breakfast at any time" and order French Toast during the Renaissance.

I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in 
my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.  I usually
take a gun with me when I do this.

I think it would be really great to have everything, except....
where would I put it?

Before I visit my dental hygienist, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies 
while waiting in the lobby.  She's not so pretty, but it really
pisses her off.

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and
act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room
temperature.

I bet it would be really funny to have the world's largest collection 
of seashells.  And then keep it on all the beaches of the world...  
perhaps you've seen it.

It would be really sad if you were a clown and you died and all your
friends went to your funeral in one car.

It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died
they'd just stay right up there.  Hunters would be all confused.

Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile
for a satellite picture.

Wouldn't it be great to have a full size map of the United States.
Except that it would take you a whole summer to fold it up.

You get the drift...

Al
 
Newsgroups: rec.humor