HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: dougger@bluemoon.rn.com (Doug Stevenson)
Subject: Re: Does anybody have the script to "The Argument Clinic" ?
Organization: Blue Moon BBS ((614) 868-998[024])
Date: Wed, 08 Apr 92 23:09:54 EDT

dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew Korth) writes:

> In <1992Apr08.060333.45618@yuma.acns.colostate.edu> maxwell@lamar.ColoState.E
> 
> >In article <dragon.702618622@camelot> dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew Ko
> >>In <1992Apr06.051634.41805@yuma.acns.colostate.edu> maxwell@lamar.ColoState
> >>
> >>>In article <1992Apr6.010309.10819@nic.unh.edu> ss1@kepler.unh.edu (The Rin
> >>>>>>>I've told you once...
> >>>>>> No, you haven't.
> >>>>>Yes I have.
> >>>>No, I haven't.
> >>>This isn't an argument, it's just contradiction!
> >>No it isn't.
> >You just contradicted me!
> No I didn't!
This is futile!

ProLine:  dougs@pro-tcc
Internet: dougs@pro-tcc.cts.com   or   dougger@bluemoon.rn.com
UUCP:     crash!pro-tcc!dougs
ARPA:     crash!pro-tcc!dougs@nosc.mil
Organization: The Leader Desslok School of Diplomacy
Date: Friday, 17 Apr 1992 01:33:28 EDT
From: Norman St. John Polevaulter <MBS110@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: An old sore loser...

This never got into the Oracularities. Dunno why, it's one of the
cleverest things I've seen/had seen in a while.

Question:
>O great Oracle, if life is just a big game, how do I activate the cheat mode?

Answer:
}You are in the cheat mode. You should see the reality mode!

That went into my personal fortune file QUICK. Whoever you are -- it was
much appreciated.

[Your blood pressure just went up.]       Mark Sachs IS: mbs110@psuvm.psu.edu
 DISCLAIMER: Penn State cares about my money, not my opinions.
  "All my father wanted to do was make a toaster you could really set the
    darkness on -- and you perverted his work into those horrible machines!"
From: 665instr@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu (CS 665 Lab GTA)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: #433-02
Date: 13 Apr 92 15:33:01 CDT
Organization: Computer Science

While we're into praising great posts, I'd like to say I loved the one about
digging the hole to China and voted accordingly, as well.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: buck@pool.info.sunyit.edu (Jesse Buckley)
Subject: Re: Percentages published - weekly report
Organization: State University of New York -- Institute of Technology
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 11:35:54 GMT

In article <1992Apr13.001124.9722@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu> "Stephen C. Miller" <stcmille@copper.ucs.indiana.edu> writes:
>and MOODY are perfectly funny!  And even BUCK is 40% funny, while FORBES

                                          ^grumble, grumble ;)
-- 
-Buck (buck@sunyit.edu)
"Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
get a prompt, type like hell."
From: brewster@quake.think.com (Brewster Kahle)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: WAIS of Usenet Oracularities
Followup-To: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 7 Apr 92 14:10:50
Organization: Thinking Machines Corporation, Cambridge MA, USA
Distribution: na
NNTP-Posting-Host: quake.think.com
In-reply-to: dsew@troi.cc.rochester.edu's message of 5 Apr 92 04:18:29 GMT


If you have access to the files and it is legitimate to reuse them, then it
is easy to set up a WAIS server on a unix box.

-brewster


In article <1992Apr5.041829.16889@galileo.cc.rochester.edu> dsew@troi.cc.rochester.edu (David Sewell) writes:
Path: think.com!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!ub!galileo.cc.rochester.edu!troi.cc.rochester.edu!dsew
   From: dsew@troi.cc.rochester.edu (David Sewell)
   Newsgroups: alt.wais,rec.humor.oracle.d
   Date: 5 Apr 92 04:18:29 GMT
   Sender: news@galileo.cc.rochester.edu
   Followup-To: rec.humor.oracle.d
   Distribution: na
   Organization: University of Rochester (Rochester, NY)
   Lines: 10
   Nntp-Posting-Host: troi.cc.rochester.edu
   Xref: think.com alt.wais:607 rec.humor.oracle.d:213

   How about someone constructing a Usenet Oracularities WAIS server?
   That way people could check to make sure they're not submitting
   the same question for the n'th time... :)


   --
    +---------------------------------------------------------------------+
    | David Sewell, English Dep't, Univ. of Rochester, New York 14627 USA |
    |   dsew@cc.rochester.edu        DSEW@UORDBV       Tel 1-716-275-4092 |
    +---------------------------------------------------------------------+
--
Brewster Kahle					Thinking Machines Corporation
Brewster@Think.com				245 First Street
Project Leader					Cambridge MA 02142
Wide Area Information Servers			617-234-2874 (or -1000)

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: "Stephen C. Miller" <stcmille@copper.ucs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Percentages published - weekly report
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 00:11:17 -0500

Going over the weekly report, I'm struck by the fact that I have almost
the lowest publication rate of any priest.  I am exceeded in lowness
only by EIRE (1% returned, 1% published) and MYCROFT (4% returned, 2%
published) and MOODY (2% returned, 2% published).  However, EIRE and
MOODY have been around more than twice as long as me.  And all three of
these have much lower submission rates than I do (9% returned, 3%
published).  Among priests of my experience cohort, I am equalled or
approached in my unfunniness only by BREMNER (5% returned, 3% published)
and BUCK (10% returned, 4% published) and DISSER (3% returned and 3%
published) nad FORBES (11% returned, 4% published).

However, I draw your attention to the true index of funniness: the ratio
between returned and published submissions.  By this criterea, several
of the seldom published priests are very funny.  Indeed, DISSER, EIRE
and MOODY are perfectly funny!  And even BUCK is 40% funny, while FORBES
is 36% funny.  This is still funnier than I am.  I am only 33% funny.

Do I take it personally?  Yes. But I'm not hurt.  Just deeply, deeply
disappointed.  More disappointed in myself, really, than anyone else.
But I can accept myself this way - fractionally funny.  I can feel good
about myself and get in touch with my factional funniness.   Perhaps I
am actually humorously challenged.

Well, back to the salt mines!




-- 
--------------------
=Steve Miller	 		    stcmille@copper.ucs.indiana.edu
		(Former rock star turned grad student)
  Happyhappy joyjoy happyhappy joyjoy happyhappy joyjoy happyhappy joyjoy
From: mcgee@nic.csu.net (Rich McGee)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Post #435
Date: 17 Apr 92 08:06:33 PDT
Organization: California State University System

After a few years of reading the Oracles, I must say that #435 is
probably the funniest collection so far. Nice to see that the
infusion of new users has made the Oracle healthy again!

-Rich McGee
"Novice Oracle Priest and dubious state employee"
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: noe@m.cs.uiuc.edu (Roger Noe)
Subject: Re: doubled lines
Organization: University of Illinois, Dept. of Comp. Sci., Urbana,  IL
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 22:46:53 GMT

In article <26459@hydra.Helsinki.FI> mnykanen@cs.Helsinki.FI (Matti Nykanen) writes:
>-- 
>Internet: Matti.Nykanen@Helsinki.FI  Department of Computer Science
>Voice:    +358 0 708 4207            University of Helsinki,Finland

Wait a minute...is this a pseudonym or a joke?  A coincidence?  Or is
a champion Olympic athlete with the CS department at Helsinki?

(Yes, I tried e-mail, that's why I'm posting.)
--
Roger Noe                            noe@cs.uiuc.edu
Department of Computer Science       40:06:39 N.  88:13:41 W.
University of Illinois               +1 217 244-6173
Urbana-Champaign, IL  61801  USA     I've never even met Bonnie Blair.
From: dgreen@thor (David Greenebaum)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Impossible rhymes
Date: 15 Apr 92 17:17:56 GMT
Article-I.D.: agate.shog4INNpqv
Organization: /etc/organization
NNTP-Posting-Host: thor.berkeley.edu

>This one reminds me of some short poems written by the great SF author,
>Randall Garrett:
>[...]
>2)
>  "Though my hair has turned to silver,
>   I have never, never lied.
>   And old age finds me still ver-
>   acity personified."

I know another, though not its source:
	To find a rhyme for "silver"
	(or any "rhymeless" rhyme),
	All it takes is will, ver-
	bosity and time.

---------------------  Bjalfi Thordharson/College of St. Katherine/Province of
 |\  | |\  |\  |// |       the Mists/Principality of the Mists/West Kingdom
 | > | |\\ | \ |/  |   David Greenebaum/University of California/Berkeley, CA
 |<  | | \ |   |   |   dgreen@athena.berkeley.edu, dgreen@garnet.berkeley.edu
 | > | |   |   |   |
 |/  | |   |   |   |   "I make mistakes, but I am on the side of good -- by
---------------------  accident and happenchance." -- the Golux
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: dgreen@jarthur.claremont.edu (David 'Mishael' Green)
Subject: Voting?
Organization: Harvey Mudd College, Claremont, CA 91711
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 07:11:10 GMT

I seem to remember hearing at one point or another that people who got an
oracularity printed would have the voted rating to it mailed to him/her.  Was I
dreaming, or do I remember correctly?  (I ask because I did have an oracularity
printed, but I never heard anything about it after that...)
-- 
dgreen@jarthur.claremont.edu				   David "Mishael" Green
		    Have you scritched your local Furry today?
********************************************************************************
Life is too confusing for novices; we should hire professionals to do it for us.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: stephen@estragon.uchicago.edu (Stephen P Spackman)
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #434-02
Organization: University of Chicago CILS
	<bryja+k.xtifr@netcom.com>
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 11:07:15 GMT

In article <bryja+k.xtifr@netcom.com> xtifr@netcom.com (Chris Waters) writes:
|>> O omniscient and omnipotent Oracle, whose wisdom passeth all
|>> understanding, please answer this question from a simple supplicant:
|>>
|>> Does anything rhyme with
|>> (1) "orange"?
|>> (2) "month"?
|>> (3) "Gwynedd"?
|
|Hmm, forgot "silver".

I was once in a role playing game where a new player arrived and
announced that his character's name was "Gilver of Borange", a sacred
name that had been handed down for generations. I, of course, cracked
up.

How was I supposed to know that it was supposed to be a secret that my
character couldn't figure out?

It's tough bein' a elf.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
peter the fisherman's daughter     sometime of the castle in the swamp
stephen@estragon.uchicago.edu                 documents recopied fast!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: wirzeniu@klaava.Helsinki.FI (Lars Wirzenius)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: doubled lines
Date: 11 Apr 92 13:56:29 GMT
Organization: University of Helsinki

noe@m.cs.uiuc.edu (Roger Noe) writes:
>>Internet: Matti.Nykanen@Helsinki.FI  Department of Computer Science
>>Voice:    +358 0 708 4207            University of Helsinki,Finland
>
>Wait a minute...is this a pseudonym or a joke?  A coincidence?  Or is
>a champion Olympic athlete with the CS department at Helsinki?

Fortunately only a conincidence.

Matti is a very common male first name in Finland, and Nykanen (the a
should have two dots on top, btw) a common last name.  There are three
Matti Nykanens in the phone book for Helsinki, and that doesn't include
people whose middle name is Matti.

--
Lars.Wirzenius@helsinki.fi
From: Juhana.Rasanen@hut.fi (Juhana R{s{nen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Matti Nykanen (Was: Re: doubled lines)
Date: 11 Apr 92 22:49:12 GMT
	<1992Apr10.224653.17884@m.cs.uiuc.edu>
Organization: Helsinki University of Technology, Finland

In article <1992Apr10.224653.17884@m.cs.uiuc.edu> noe@m.cs.uiuc.edu (Roger Noe) writes:

   >Internet: Matti.Nykanen@Helsinki.FI  Department of Computer Science
   >Voice:    +358 0 708 4207            University of Helsinki,Finland

   Wait a minute...is this a pseudonym or a joke?  A coincidence?  Or is
   a champion Olympic athlete with the CS department at Helsinki?

Hee hee. Must be a coincidence, since the skijumper-Nykanen is
certainly not studying at University of Helsinki or anywhere else
for that matter. He has begun a career as a singer (one record so far)
and I'm sorry to say that skijumpers don't seem to have any musical
talent (remember Eddie Edwards ;-)

	Juhana

(Sorry about the sig, it's in Finnish and I didn't bother to change it)

--
	"Kansantansseissa saamani harjoitus oli minulle
	 suureksi avuksi Matabele-maasta paetessani."

	-- Lordi Baden-Powell of Gilwell, Partiopojan kirja
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d,alt.humor.oracle
From: engel@sj.ate.slb.com (Mike Engelhardt)
Subject: sore loser
Organization: Schlumberger ATE, San Jose
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 23:34:21 GMT

[Repost, went to wrong group first try -- cancelling error]

Dear Incarnation who answered the question of 433-01 the first time,

I loved your answer and eagerly awaited it's publication.  It never
came to pass.  So I thought, what the heck, I'll resubmit.  Pretty
bad answer.  Resubmit.  DBA(Definitely Bad Answer).  Then I submitted
for the fourth time.  This ended up as 433-01.  That's when I gave up
entierly with this question because the weather had changed.

This sore loser post is to thank you for your answer, which very most
literally made me laugh to tears.  I should have sore losered the
oracularity at that time.  We suppliants do learn!

[I already know people that do not find this oracularity, as a whole,
particularly funny.  So, since my site's reception of this group runs
about 50%, please direct all flames directly to 37 19 23 N  122 01 52 W]

--- snip ---

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh, Oracle, I just don't know any more.  The plough got stuck last
> fall while turning the alfalfa.  Nope.  Didn't get the plough out.
> Spring's coming and I don't know what to expect once the snow's
> gone.  Don't matter, I suppose, the horse didn't make it through
> the winter anyway.  Scurvy.
> 
> My brother killed his wife with a sledge and ran off with my
> daughter.  My wife's run off with my son's playmate.  He's twelve.
> My daughter says she'll never marry so she makes it with the
> parish priest.  She's fifteen.  Oh well, she's a slut anyway.  My
> son got killed robbing a dimestore last week.  He was no good.
> 
> The dog got run over and the cattle all have red hoof.  I guess it
> was a fit, but the pigs and chickens stank so as I shot them all.
> Now I got more pork and poultry than I could salt, smoke, pickle or
> can.  Don't matter.  Don't know how to can anyhow.
> 
> Don't mean to be a burden, Oracle, but what should I do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It's times like this that really make you wonder.
} Chickens and pigs aren't much good after a week or so,
} 'cause they start to turn, but in the cold weather maybe
} they'll last longer.  But you'd better get busy smoking them.
} The dog is dead, so you'd better get him salted away also.
} Run the cattle off; cows are real stupid anyway, and since you
} lost your wife and son, you're not going to have time to milk them.
} And bulls are nothing but trouble.
} 
} Fact is, your farm has about had it.  Not much you can salvage,
} not enough hands to work what you have.  Best bet you've got is
} to start having your daughter whore for you.  Maybe you could
} blackmail the priest also, if he has any kind of reputation he
} wants to uphold.
} 
} Of course, there is one other alternative, if you've got no sense
} of decency, and don't care how low you stoop.  Apply for a government
} subsidy.
} 
} You owe the Oracle a load of tripe.

It's on the way!
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: xtifr@netcom.com (Chris Waters)
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #434-02
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 92 05:27:11 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 

In digest <1992Apr13.080003.4222@news.cs.indiana.edu> oracle-vote@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu writes:

>Selected-By: CLHP19@vaxb.strathclyde.ac.uk

>The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
>Your question was:

>> O omniscient and omnipotent Oracle, whose wisdom passeth all
>> understanding, please answer this question from a simple supplicant:
>>
>> Does anything rhyme with
>> (1) "orange"?
>> (2) "month"?
>> (3) "Gwynedd"?

Hmm, forgot "silver".

This one reminds me of some short poems written by the great SF author,
Randall Garrett:

1)
  "I ate a poisoned orange,
   now I lie upon my bed.
   I keep seeing more and more ang-
   elic forms around my head."

2)
  "Though my hair has turned to silver,
   I have never, never lied.
   And old age finds me still ver-
   acity personified."

3)
  "Of all the English words there are,
   there is no rhyme for `month'.
   I tried and failed a _hundred_ times;
   I succeeded the hundred-and-oneth."

:-)
-- 
Chris Waters    | the insane don't |   I figure the odds be fifty-fifty:
xtifr@netcom.COM| need disclaimers | I just might have something to say. --FZ
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: Ben Fulton <fulton@copper.ucs.indiana.edu>
Subject: doubled lines
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 13:34:44 -0500

O great oracle (or it's priests)
O great oracle (or it's priests)

Tell me why every question I'm getting has every line twice?
Tell me why every question I'm getting has every line twice?

Is this happening to everyone?
Is this happening to everyone?

ben
fulton@copper.ucs.indiana.edu
right here, right now
there is no other place I'd rather be!
From: jem6892@zeus.tamu.edu (The Whipping Boy)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Voting?
Date: 10 Apr 92 23:14:00 GMT
Organization: Texas A&M University, Academic Computing Services
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Apr10.071110.5950@muddcs.claremont.edu>, dgreen@jarthur.claremont.edu (David 'Mishael' Green) writes...
>I seem to remember hearing at one point or another that people who got an
>oracularity printed would have the voted rating to it mailed to him/her.  Was I
>dreaming, or do I remember correctly?  (I ask because I did have an oracularity
>printed, but I never heard anything about it after that...)

	Yes.  This was a new feature that came out a tad before Steve K.
went on his safari or whatever.  Since Steve is gone for several months,
tallied voting results (as per current Ocularities' headers) will be
given upon his return.  I would assume the mailings you mention will also
be sent out (priests?).

	Side note:  I got one of those mailings just after the call
for new priests went out.  When you're waiting for word of acceptance,
getting a mail message from oracle-request with a "Congratulations" in
the subject line sucks when it's not what you were hoping to get. :)

James Munger
From: DAVIS@licra.dn.mu.oz.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: #433-02
Date: 10 Apr 92 06:37:24 GMT
Organization: Ludwig Institute for Cancer Research

Congratulations to the Incarnation who wrote the answer to this question.  
I liked it very much and voted accordingly.  Wasn't an easy question to 
come up with a witty answer to for with either (oops, sorry, temporarily 
lost it there).

Ian Davis                            DAVIS@licr.dn.mu.oz.au
Oracular Priest.
From: mnykanen@cs.Helsinki.FI (Matti Nykanen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: doubled lines
Date: 10 Apr 92 10:06:46 GMT
Organization: University of Helsinki, Finland

In <1992Apr9.133450.12550@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu> fulton@copper.ucs.indiana.edu (Ben Fulton) writes:

>Tell me why every question I'm getting has every line twice?
>Tell me why every question I'm getting has every line twice?

>Is this happening to everyone?
>Is this happening to everyone?

I received a question where each line of the question body EXCEPT THE
LAST was doubled, and the text itself was located BETWEEN the
(non-doubled header) lines "To:.." and "X-Face:.." Seems like a genuine
problem.. 

-- 

Internet: Matti.Nykanen@Helsinki.FI  Department of Computer Science
Voice:    +358 0 708 4207            University of Helsinki,Finland
From: andy@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Andrew Hackard)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #434-02
Date: 17 Apr 92 01:59:08 GMT
     <bryja+k.xtifr@netcom.com> <STEPHEN.92Apr15060721@estragon.uchicago.edu>
Organization: Leapers For a Better Yesterday

stephen@estragon.uchicago.edu (Stephen P Spackman) writes:
><bryja+k.xtifr@netcom.com> xtifr@netcom.com (Chris Waters) writes:

[grovel deleted]

>|>> Does anything rhyme with
>|>> (1) "orange"?
>|>> (2) "month"?
>|>> (3) "Gwynedd"?
>|
>|Hmm, forgot "silver".
>
>I was once in a role playing game where a new player arrived and
>announced that his character's name was "Gilver of Borange", a sacred
>name that had been handed down for generations. I, of course, cracked
>up.
>
>How was I supposed to know that it was supposed to be a secret that my
>character couldn't figure out?

He, of course, is the one who wanders about screwing up the punth lines
to jokes.  You stole his shtick.

No wonder he was upset. :)

-- 
--Andrew Hackard                    Disclaimer: As usual, I wasn't consulted.
  andy@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu           

"The U.S. is the only highly industrialized nation that teaches eight years of 
 arithmetic, while others begin to lay the foundation for algebra and geometry 
 in primary grades."                              --Iris Carl, President, NCTM
From: andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Another Silly Song
Date: 10 Apr 92 15:33:27 GMT
Organization: Spider Systems Limited, Edinburgh, UK.

Another silly song:-

Daisy, Daisy, the coppers are after you
If they catch you, they'll give you a one for two
They'll tie you up with wire
and set you're bum on fire
so ring you're bell
and peddle like hell
on a bicycle built for two !

-- 
|       The Dream Weaver       |   He's just a boy,         "Renegade" |
|                              |   That has lost his way.       by     |
|     andrewc@spider.co.uk     |   He's a rebel,               Thin    |
|                              |   and he's fallen down        Lizzy   |
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ss1@bofur.unh.edu (The Rink)
Subject: Re: Things that make you go hmmm
Organization: Turkey Hall
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 23:28:00 GMT

>Why do the needles used in lethal injections have to be sterile?
>
>Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?

Why do you drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why do noses run and feet smell?
-- 
SAM _S_urreal   =============     -------------------------------------------
    _T_error                       From the Terminal of the Uruk-Hai Warlord
    _O_f                          -------------------------------------------
    _D_readed          O      "...Alas dear lass, would dass to ask?  How to
    _D_ragons         -|-      repent -- prevent this indenting precedent for
    _A_nd             / \      demented impediments with pennace...?"
    _R_aging                                                            B={
    _D_emons    =============            * ss1@kepler.unh.edu *
From: lxf8351@hertz.njit.edu (lawrence finkel cis stnt)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Net Abbreviations
Date: 17 Apr 92 15:27:06 GMT
Organization: New Jersey Institute of Technology, Newark, N.J.

>>
>>stuff like IMHO, BTW, etc, and their corresponding meanings...
>>
>BTW=By The Way
>IMHO=In my humble opinion
>TTFN=Tah Tah for now
>TTYL=Talk to ya later
>IMO=In my opinion 

etc.= et cetera
Newsgroups: rec.humor