From: oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu (Sharon O'Neil)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Re: Safe space for men
Date: 13 Dec 1992 17:22:05 GMT
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: remarque.berkeley.edu
Originator: muffy@remarque.berkeley.edu

karen.van.hoek@um.cc.umich.edu writes:

>In article <24381@alice.att.com> jj@alice.UUCP (jj, curmudgeon and all-around gr
>ouch) writes:
>>I do not mean to deny the fear of a female among strangers who
>>might be threatening.  I must also insist that the fear of the
>>male being mistaken ("Excuse me" "SCREAM, HELP POLICE", <arrest>,
>>"I only wanted to tell her she dropped her purse". Don't laugh
>>it happens every day) for an agressor, for instance, is as real and
>>as painful for most people. 
 
>I think I'd need to see a bit more explanation of this comment before I could
>accept it, because my first reaction was, "You've got to be
>kidding!" and my second reaction was to feel very angry.  "as real and
>as painful"???  Give me a break.  I can't go out for a walk late at 
>night for fear some thug will assault me.  I have to plan where to 
>park my car, whether it's safe to go to the market at night, and 
>whether I can go for a walk in The Arboretum, all based on fear of
>being assaulted.  I would very much like to see documentation that
>men's lives are as severely curtailed as women's, due to fear that
>women will mistake them for rapists. 

Agreed.  It's not the same for men as for women.  I do realize that it would
be a terrible thing for a man to be accused unjustly of being an aggressor,
as in the above example.  But having to worry about such an accusation is
hardly the same as the dilemma we women face every day.  We are constantly
making decisions about our safety.  And we are not being paranoid about it
either.  
 
>This general issue -- that many or most white men don't realize how 
>bad it is to live in fear of violent assault -- is extremely painful
>and angering to many women.  It isn't just annoying, it really
>_hurts_ when a man gives a woman unthinking advice like, "The
>best way to avoid getting stressed out about your dissertation is
>to take regular walks around the block.  Like, if you're working all
>night, go out for a walk at midnight, and then again at, say, 3
>a.m.  It really refreshes your mind."  This is the advice a woman
>friend of mine got from a male friend a few weeks ago; she was
>so stunned that she told me about it.  It _hurts_ to realize that
>not only are we planning our lives around fear of violent attack,
>but that to the men who interact with us daily, our fear and
>our sense of imprisonment is invisible.

I was visiting with a close male friend of mine tonight and he noticed that
I carry a small canister of tear gas on my keychain.  I guess he thinks it
is kind of silly.  But going outside at night is not a risk for him like it
is for me.  

Of course some men really /do/ understand.  It was my dad who bought me
the canister after two young women were kidnapped in the Omaha/Lincoln area.
Of course, my dad also happens to work in a hospital emergency room, where
he sees the victims of violent assault every day.

> We're locked in jail,
>and the men who see us every day don't even notice.  Advice like
>"go for a walk at three a.m." isn't just stupid, it's downright
>_cruel_ -- like taunting someone in a jail cell about how good
>it would be for them to spend a week at the beach.  The fact that
>the cruelty is unthinking doesn't make it much better; all that
>means is that these men are oblivious to the reality of our lives. 

I don't know one single woman who would "go for a walk at three a.m."  At
least not unless she was with a few good friends.  I have gone out walking
on campus late, late, late at night, but of course, I had someone with me.
If I knew I would be walking alone, you can bet I would call campus 
security.  (I once called campus security to walk me several blocks from
my office to my dorm room.  I told the guy, "You probably think I'm being
silly."  And he said, "No.  We'd rather escort you two blocks at night than
have you walk it alone.  There are some very nasty things that happen late
at night."
 
One thing that really irritates me is how some universities think they are
helping women and keeping them safe.  After a young woman was kidnapped
and murdered, my old university drew attention to the fact that it had 
installed a lot of new emergency telephones on campus.  My response is:
"So what!"  Now I have a phone to call the cops after I've been raped?  
Give me a break.  What I want them to do is to have more security walking
beats around the campus.  I want them to install lights in the parking
lots.  I want them to cut down all the "landscaping" -- innumerable bushes
and trees which offer many hiding places for those who would assault.
I want them to take /proactive/ rather than /reactive/ measures.


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