From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: Re: I end this pitiful attribution thread
Followup-To: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade,alt.postmodern
Organization: Two rooms filled with typography, in downtown Boston
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 08:39:12 GMT

In article <1992Nov6.131731.25511@athena.mit.edu> Your future ruler (god@internet.net) writes:
>In article <1992Nov5.200019.8979@menudo.uh.edu>, cosc184z@menudo.uh.edu (David Alten) writes:
>|> In article <1992Nov3.233252.20022@news.columbia.edu> kps@cunixb.cc.columbia.edu (Karthik P Sheka) writes:
>|> >In article <1992Nov3.202632.26050@fico.uucp> rbw%apple.com@fico.UUCP (Randy Wong) writes:
>|> >>In article <1992Nov2.205735.6783@athena.mit.edu> dmsilev@athena.mit.edu (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>|> >>>In article <1d3q3nINN84c@sam.ksu.ksu.edu>, sdoran@sam.ksu.ksu.edu (Steven Marcotte) writes:
>|> >>>|> bgohari@wam.umd.edu (Babak Gohari) writes:|> 
>|> >>>|> >In article <1d35ppINN7mb@sportster.ksu.ksu.edu> tilden@sportster.ksu.ksu.edu (Tilden-Master of Illogic) writes:
>|> >>>|> >>In article <Bx019p.D1s@willamette.edu>, dlutz@willamette.edu (David Lutz) writes:
>|> >>>|> >>>In article <1992Oct31.145009.13015@athena.mit.edu> dmsilev@athena.mit.edu (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>|> >>>|> >>>>In article <BwysHL.ELu@access.digex.com>, brat@access.digex.com (Brat Wizard) writes:
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> In article <1992Oct30.092529.28581@hellgate.utah.edu> galt%peruvian.utah.edu@cs.utah.edu writes:
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage] writes:
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>lairdpg@lub001.lamar.edu writes
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>22161-bunz writes:
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>Brett G Person writes:
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>smith@ctron.com writes:
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>>IronEagle writes:
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>>>Matt Welsh writes:
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>>>>Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>>>Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>>HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my Timex Sinclair! TopTHAT!
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>>I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System. 
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>>Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on my Sears PONG game.
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX Mailer on my Game-Boy.   
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the replies!  However, it
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>>only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive slowing it down.
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The batteries on my  
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >>calculator-watch are running out.
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the lights, NO-ONE would
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> >be getting news...
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> 
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA contract to run on my
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm ALSO able to shoehorn
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between commercials!
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> 
>|> >>>|> >>>>|> Beat THAT!
>|> >>>|> >>>>Well, well well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system out of 2 inches of wire,
>|> >>>|> >>>>3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime calculations of particle vectors
>|> >>>|> >>>>during the Big Bang. A complete simulation of the first 2 years of the life of
>|> >>>|> >>>>the universe, accuarate to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
>|> >>>|> >>>>
>|> >>>|> >>>And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last half hour getting
>|> >>>|> >>>X11 to run on slide rule.  I am still having problems connecting it to the net
>|> >>>|> >>>around here, but I would welcome any suggestions.
>|> >>>|> >>>
>|> >>>|> >>So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds off of a paperclip.
>|> >>>|> >>Not to mention the fact that I am designing a new form of television with 7000
>|> >>>|> >>pixiles based off a piece of tissue paper.  Next!!!
>|> >>>|> >
>|> >>>|> >Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator utilizing anti-
>|> >>>|> >matter-matter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating everything in the
>|> >>>|> >fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large glass of water.
>|> >>>|> 
>|> >>>|> Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this very moment, 
>|> >>>|> raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, while
>|> >>>|> at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
>|> >>>|> Pentium.
>|> >>>
>|> >>>And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in a project
>|> >>>which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes (To see what would
>|> >>>happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an interesting one.) My hardware
>|> >>>consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With it, I can do real-time
>|> >>>simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
>|> >>
>|> >>You guys are whimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave oven into a
>|> >>paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm having so far is
>|> >>that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it raw . . .
>|> >
>|> >When you finally get it to work without the oven being plugged in, call me.
>|> >Once you figure out the oven isn't even necessary, but the bagel IS, then
>|> >you've gotten to where I was about 400 years ago...  From that, immortality
>|> >and time travel are trivial derivations.  HINT: Where exactly did the bagel
>|> >go, and how can you stop it from ever getting there?
>|> >(I lied.  The bagel isn't necessary either.  A piece of Fairy cake would do
>|> >just as well.)
>|> >
>|> 
>|> Well, I guess you are all beneath me.  You see, I don't need anything.  I just
>|> use my brain...
>|> Well, sorry to disappoint you all, but I must confess you are all _way_
>|> beneath me.  I do not need any object not on my body (computer, modem, fridge,
>|> batteries, or even a bagel).  I just use my brain......
>|> 
>
>But you still do need a body... I am proud to say that me, that is to say my
>mind, has succeeded in dissociating myself from the matter world. I now exist as
>a pattern of energy, roaming the Internet. This is the first time that I have
>announced my existence. The world will hear from me soon. Listen for the sound of
>every telephone ringing simultaneously.
>
>I am the Lawnmower Man :)

You're right, that ends that thread.  I don't see how anyone can
possibly write a followup to it.  Daniel, you really *are* God, with
your razorlike wit.

P.S.  All people who use smilies will be against the wall when the
revolution comes.

							-- K.


Xref: sparky rec.humor:33121 talk.bizarre:37011 eunet.jokes:2397