From: anon-1209@twwells.com (just me)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Holiday bummers
Date: 16 Nov 92 01:28:08 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

ANON-Name: just me


You may all remember my tale, of a month of so ago, of my trying to get 
counseling, only to be told that I'm not depressed enough to need it.
I did end up dropping out of the class (they even refunded my deposit, 
to my surprise), so I'm back to doing nothing about my depression.

It's been hard. Work is hard. My personal life is hard. My husband and
I aren't getting along very well because I'm always stressed-out. And
horror of horrors, Christmas is coming ...

First of all, I haven't figured out where the money is going to come from
for Christmas presents. So I'm quite stressed about this. I've applied
for a couple of seasonal jobs, but no one has been interested so far. But
I'll probably figure this one out, either by making a bunch of presents
or borrowing a bunch of money.

But the big problem is that I had a HUGE fight with my younger sister
right after my birthday. My sisters and their SOs and my husband's
family all went out to dinner for my birthday. My father-in-law specified
how he wanted the check split (and then left, because he had to go to
another engagement), and so I split the check per his wishes. My sisters 
paid their shares, but then the day after my younger sister called me and 
chewed me out about how unfair it was. And she blamed me for the unfairness 
(even though I had nothing at all to do with the arrangements and was only 
following my father-in-law's orders with respect to splitting the check).

After she chewed me out, I cried for a long time, feeling totally worthless.
The difference between what she thought was fair and what she and my
youngest sister paid was $12. Giving me a happy birthday celebration wasn't
even worth $12 to her. :-( I gave the $12 back to my youngest sister, like 
she said I should, but it wasn't enough to make her not be pissed off at me.

<I'm crying now, just remembering this - this is how bad I still feel.>

Anyway, after all this, she called my older sister and told her that I
wasn't welcome to come over to her house for the traditional 'family'
Christmas celebration. My older sister and her husband are going to be 
flying in a couple of days before Christmas, and will be staying through 
New Year's. And of course my older sister will be staying at my younger
sister's house.

Now, I have a lot of time off around Christmas (my company shuts down),
so my first response was to suggest to my husband that we go somewhere
and just bag the whole family Christmas scene. But he has to work, and
he's upset about the thought of not spending Christmas with _his_ family.

So I'm stuck. I have to either set up 'competing' events and invite my 
older sister and my youngest sister, or miss spending Christmas with them.
No matter what I do, I have to make someone very unhappy, and again, it will
probably be me. I'm an outsider in my own family, and nothing points this
out better than Christmas.

I hate the holidays. I wish I could just disappear until January.


just me



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