From: alpinist@eskimo.celestial.com (David Butler)
Subject: Make an ASH of yourself
Organization: =>ESKIMO NORTH (206) 367-3837 SEATTLE, WA.<=
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 19:05:55 GMT


Hi all,

    I've been trying to come up with definitions of ASH and ASHers.
See what you think of it.  Feel free to make any additions if you
are so inclined.

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                           ASH PHILOSOPHY
                           --------------


The ash party:
   hors d'oeuvres: cynide pills
   Salad: hemlock w/ arsenic sprinkles
   Punch: liquid plumber
   Dessert: belladonna berry pie
   Games: pin the buckshot on the roof of your mouth
          wrist slash relay race
          bob for apples in ammonia - chlorine solution
   Campfire activities: pour gasoline over self
                        roast dynamite on a spit
                        toast styrofoam cups and breath sweet aroma
                        (styrene gas)


What should you never say to an ASHer?

Cheer up.


Why can't ASHers change light bulbs?

Those trying to stick their tounges in the socket get in the way of those
trying to tie a noose around it.


How do you know that ASHers are intelligent?

The only rational response to reality is to be suicidally depressed.


Why do ASH guys resent ASH gals?

The females can get laid.


How do you know if ASHers got the joke?

They kill themselves.


What do ASH couples do for their anniversary?

Make a suicide pact.


What is the correct response of parents of an ASher after the deed is done?

Sue Ozzy Osbourne.


What are the various options for an ASHer?

a: Kill self
b: end it all
c: commit suicide
d: bite the big one
e: Hari kari


How many ASHers can dance on the head of a pin?

All of them.


What is the ASH secret of success.

Don't bother trying, nothing will work anyway.


Why did the ASHer slit his wrists?

He slipped while cutting vegetables.


Why does the ASH female get such lousy boyfriends?

The world is rotten.


How do you know when ASHers have lost their sanity?

They are in a good mood.


What is the correct response to getting an F for a grade?

Kill yourself for failure.


What is the correct response to getting an A for a grade?

Kill yourself because of the pressure to keep up.


How does an ASHer get even with others?

Kills self.


Why did the ASHer make it look like an accident?

To save others from grief.


What new law would ASHers support?

Making suicide attempts a capital offense.


Where do ASHers like to stay when traveling?

The Bates Motel.


Why do ASHers like to get flamed?

It proves they were right about themself.


What does an ASHer do after having made a faux pas?

Commit suicide.


What is an ASH faux pas?

An unsuccessful suicide attempt.


If everone who reads ASH died today who'd notice?

Nobody.


Do ASHers believe in heaven and hell?

Heaven is a myth, life is hell.


What is an ASHers worst nightmare?

Old age.


Why did the ASHer cross the road?

A Mac truck was barreling down it doing 90.


Did you hear about the ASH support group?

If you're having second thoughts they'll try to talk you back into it.




-- 
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* Dave                          *               The Alpinist               *
* alpinist@eskimo.celestial.com *            DARE to be stoopid!           *
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