From: Mary.Haunreiter@f114.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Mary Haunreiter)
Newsgroups: k12.ed.special
Subject: Emotional Relationships
Date: Sat, 14 Nov 92 17:30:16 PDT
Organization: FidoNet node 1:105/114 - The Electronic Educ, Washougal WA

Hi Tim,
   I glad you asked about self awareness and relationships for "special ed." type kids because that is an area I'm very concerned with in the total educational picture for just such kids.  I've learned that if the mental needs aren't met or at least addressed the learning doesn't come.  Most of our kids, sadly, come from such dysfunctional backgrounds that have denied them much love and care from family members.  Personally, I try to be very, very non judgmental as to their backgrounds, criminal records or






 anything else that is in the past and try to emphasize postive things in their futures, control that they can have in their lives now that they're older, looking forward rather than back, and when they fail or slip, I don't give it much attention but when they do well I really load on the praise and attention.  But, its still amazing to me what will bring a young student around in a positive way.  This year we got a new freshman, drug addicted, been through rehab., anti-social, unsmiling and resistant to 






forming any kind of relationship with teachers or other staff.  I talked to him the same as any of the new students, basic classroom stuff, not pushing or crowding his space...one day he came in with a really bad cold...looked miserable....I had some throat lozenges so I got three, walked over and gave them to him.  Thats it, thats all I did....now he talks to me all the time, sits at my desk, ....the others are amazed because everyone has tried to get through to him.  He's sharing his sorrows with me and 






there times I think if had a blanket and a rocking chair, he would let me rock him (he's very small).  
   I think you just have to get personally involved with some of these kids which is hard sometimes because we get drained emotionally but I think its worth it if there is success.  I truly love the kids I work with, I give hugs, I bend rules occasionally, I listen.  I'm a motherly type so it comes easy for me, but the male teachers I work with also work at presenting a good male image, strong but compassionate.  We have to constantly work on the positive side of these hurt kids.  With only a few exception






s, I don't think any of the really tough kids I worked with want to be that way, they don't want to be trouble makers, they don't want to go to jail, they want people to like them, they're tired of being miserable and all they see is frustration and hopelessness.  
   We also work at building a postive peer atmosphere, no put downs and try to set up situations where they have to work together, support each other and be friends.  We think of ourselves as a sort of family.  Just a side note, my oldest son is working in the area and has been coming and eating lunch with me at school (he's 27) and visiting during some of the class periods.  The first time he saw a student give me a hug he couldn't believe it, he never hugged a teacher.  He told the family at dinner that 






night that I was the school "mom", that my classroom was more like a home with the affection, both physical and verbal, that went on between students and the three teachers.  He was impressed with the caring and the attitude that treated these sometimes seemingly incorrigible young people as real human beings with real worth.  
   I've rattled on, not sure I've helped or answered what you wanted.  Just care about your students and the self awareness and the relationships will come along.  I see these kids as open books, never mind what went on in earlier chapters, there's more to read, much more..its never too late to write a different ending.


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