From: x87bennett@gw.wmich.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Monty Python "Silly Party" sketch
Date: 19 Dec 92 00:38:59 EST
Organization: Western Michigan University

MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS 
THE SILLY PARTY SCETCH     
ENJOY!!!
     
     
     ANIMATION: The Spot
     CAPTION: ELECTION NIGHT SPECIAL

Cut to linkman sitting at desk.

Linkman (JOHN): (very excited) Hello and welcome to 'Election Night
Special'. There's great excitement here as we should be getting the
first result through any minute now. We don't know where it'll be 
from... it might be from Leicester or from Luton. The polling's  
been quite heavy in both areas... oh, wait a moment... I'm just
getting... I'm just getting a loud buzzing noise in my left ear.
Excuse me a moment. (he bangs ear and knocks a large bee out)
Uuggh! (cheering from crowd) Anyway, let's go straight over to James
Gilbert at Leicester.

(Shot of returning of officer in front of a group consisting half of
grey-suited, half of silly-dressed candidates and agents. The silly 
ones are in extraordinary hats, false noses etc.)

Voice Over (MICHAEL): Well, it's a straight fight here at Leicester . . . On
       the left of the Returning Officer (camera shows grey-suited man) you
       can see Arthur Smith, the Sensible candidate and his agent,
       (camera pans to silly people) and on the other side is the silly
       candidate Jethro Walrustitty with his agent and his wife.
Officer (TERRY 1): Here is the result for Leicester. ArthurJ. Smith . . .
Voice Over: Sensible Party.
Officer: 30,I62 . . . Jethro Q. Walrustitty . . .
Voice Over: Silly Party.
Officer: 32,108.
       (Cheering from the crowd. Cut back to the studio.)
Linkman: (even more excited) Well, there's the first result and the Silly
       Party have held Leicester. What do you make of that, Norman?
       (Cut to Norman. He is very excited.)
Norman (MICHAEL): Well, this is largely as I predicted except that the
       Silly Party won. I think this is mainly due to the number of votes
       cast. Gerald?
       (Cut to Gerald standing by 'swingometer' - a pivoted pointer on a 
       wall chart.)
Gerald (ERIC): Well, there's a swing here to the Silly Party . . . but how
       big a swing I'm not going to tell you.
       (Cut to George also standing l!v a swingometer.)
George (TERRY J): Well, if I may . . . I think the interesting thing here is
       the big swing to the Silly Party and of course the very large swing
       back to the Sensible Party . . . and a tendency to wobble up and
       down in the middle because the screw's loose.
       (Cut to Alphonse.)
Alphonse (GRAHAM): No, I'm afraid I can't think of anything.
       (Cut to Eric.)
Eric (TERRY G): I can't add anything to that. Colin?
       (Cut to Colin.)
Colin (IAN DAVIDSON): Can I just butt in at this point and say this is in
       fact the very first time I've ever appeared on television.
       (Cut to linkman.)
 Linkman: No, no, we haven't time, because we're going straight over to
     Luton.
     (Cut to Luton Town Hall. There are sensible, silly and slightly silly
     candidates.)
Voice Over (MICHAEL): Here at Luton, it's a three-cornered fight
     between Alan Jones - Sensible Party, in the middle, Tarquin
     Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Ole-
     Biscuitbarrel - Silly Party, and Kevin Phillips-Bong, the Slightly
     Silly candidate.
Officer (ERIC): AlanJones . . .
Voice Over: On the left, Sensible Party.
Officer: 9,112 . . . Kevin Phillips-Bong . . .
Voice Over: On the right, Slightly Silly.
Officer: Nought . . . Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lin-bus-stop-
     F'tang-F'tang-Ole-Biscuitbarrel . . .
Voice Over: Silly.
Officer: 12,441 .
Voice Over: And so the Silly Party has taken Luton.
     (Quick cut to linkman.)
Linkman: A gain for the Silly Party at Luton. The first gain of the
     election, Norman?
     (Cut to each speaker in close-up throughout the scene.)
Norman: Well, this is a highly significant result. Luton, norrnally a very
     sensible constituency with a high proportion of people who aren't a
     bit silly, has gone completely ga-ga.                                      
Linkman: Do we have the swing at Luton?
Gerald: Well, I've worked out the swing, but it's a secret.                      
Linkman: Er, well, ah, there . . . there isn 't the swing, how about 
     the swong?
Norman: Well, I've got the swong here in this box and it's looking fine. I
     can see through the breathing holes that it's eating up peanuts at a       
     rate of knots.                                                             
Linkman: And how about the swang?                                               
Alphonse: Well, it's 29% up over six hundred feet but it's a little bit soft
     around the edges about. . .                                                
Linkman What do you make of the nylon dot cardigan and plastic mule
     rest?
Voice (off): There's no such thing.
Linkman: Thank you, Spike.                                                        
Norman: Can I just come in here and say that the swong has choked
     itself to death.
George: Well, the election's really beginning to hot up now.                    
Eric: I can't add anything to that.
Colin: Can I just add at this point this is in fact the second time 
     I've ever appeared on telev1sion?
 Linkman I'm sorry, Sasha, we're just about to get another result
       (A large number of candidates in Harpenden Town Hall.)
Voice Over (TERRY J): Hello, from Harpenden  This is a key seat because
       in addition to the official Silly candidate there is an independent
       Very Silly candidate (in large cube of polystyrene with only his 
       legs sticking out) who may split the silly vote.
Officer (JOHN): Mr Elsie Zzzzzzzzzzzz. (obvious man in drag with enormous
       joke breasts)
Voice Over: Silly.
Officer 26,317 . . . James Walker . . .
Voice Over: Sensible.
Officer: 26,318.
Voice Over: That was close.
Officer: Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper
      Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable
      (sound effect of horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows
      squeaker) Featherstone Smith (blows whistle) Northgot Edwards
      Harris (fires pistol, which goes 'whoop') Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff)
      Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) We'll Keep a Welcome In
      The (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way
      Jenkin (squeaker) Tiger-draws Pratt Thompson (sings) 'Raindrops
      Keep Falling On My Head' Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat 'Don't
      Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mannering (hoot, 'whoop') Smith.
Voice Over: Very Silly.
Officer: Two.
Voice Over: Well, there you have it. A Sensible gain here at Driffield.
       (Back to the studio)
Linkman: Norman.
Norman: Well, I've just heard from Luton that my auntie's ill er, possibly,
       possibly gastro-enteritis - Gerald.
Gerald: Er, well, if this were repeated over the whole country it'd
       probably be very messy. Colin.
Colin: Can I just butt in and say here that it's probably the last time I
       shall ever appear on television.
Linkman: No, I'm afraid you can't, we haven't got time. Just to bring you
       up to date with a few results, er, that you may have missed.
       Engelbert Humperdinck has taken Barrow-in-Furness, that's a gain
       from Ann Haydon-Jones and her husband Pip. Arthur Negus has
       held Bristols. That's not a result, that's a bit of gossip. Er . . .
       Mary Whitehouse has just taken umbrage. Could be a bit of
       trouble there. And apparently Wales is not swinging at all. No
       surprise there. And . . . Monty Python has held the credits.
       
       (Roll cedits. Lots of activiy behind from the experts.)

       SUPERIMPOSED FLASHING CAPTION: 'NO CHANGE