From: kannan@lamar.ColoState.EDU (Kannan Subramanian)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.wodehouse
Subject: Uncollected Wodehouse
Date: 27 Jan 93 06:33:03 GMT
Organization: Colorado State University



[ I have in my possession, a book titled "Uncollected Wodehouse", edited by
David Jasen, which collects some of Wodehouse's early magazine and newspaper
articles. Some of them are not good at all and are certainly not funny.
But it does provide a glimpse of an early Wodehouse, different from the one we
know, an interesting contrast in its own right. What appears below,
however, does not fall into this category.  It's an unusual piece and clearly
shows a keen genius. -kannan ]

               The Secret Pleasures of Reginald
               --------------------------------

                    (by P. G. Wodehouse )

I found Reggie in the club one Saturday afternoon. He was reclining in a long
chair, motionless, his eyes fixed glassily on the ceiling. He frowned a little
when I spoke. "You don't seem to be doing anything," I said. 

"It's not what I'm doing, it's what I am _not_ doing that matters."

It sounded like an epigram, but epigrams are so little associated with Reggie
that I ventured to ask what he meant. 

He sighed. "Ah well," he said. "I suppose the sooner I tell you, the sooner
you'll go. Do you know Bodfish?"

I shuddered. "Wilkinson Bodfish? I do."

"Have you ever spent a weekend at Bodfish's place in the country?"

I shuddered again. "I have."

"Well, I am _not_ spending the weekend at Bodfish's place in the country."

"I see you're not. But --"

"You don't understand. I do not mean that I am simply absent from Bodfish's
place in the country. I mean that I am _deliberately_ not spending the weekend
there. When you interrupted me just now, I was not strolling down to Bodfish's
garage, listening to his prattle about his new car. "

I glanced around uneasily. 

"Reggie, old man, you're -- you're not -- This hot weather --"

"I am perfectly well, and in possession of all my faculties. Now tell me. Can
you imagine anything more awful than to spend a weekend with Bodfish?" 

On the spur of the moment I could not.

"Can you imagine anything more delightful, then, than _not_ spending a weekend
with Bodfish? Well, that's what I'm doing now. Soon, when you have gone - if
you have any other engagements, please don't let me keep you - I shall not go
into the house and not listen to Mrs Bodfish on the subject of young Willie
Bodfish's premature intelligence. "

I got his true meaning. "I see. You mean that you will be thanking your stars
that you aren't with Bodfish."

"That is it, put crudely. But I go further. I don't indulge in a mere momentary
self-congratulation, I do the thing thoroughly. If I were weekending at
Bodfish's, I should have arrived there just half an hour ago. I therefore
selected that moment for beginning not to weekend with Bodfish. I settled
myself in this chair and I did not have my back slapped at the station. A few
minutes later I was not whirling along the country roads, trying to balance the
car with my legs and an elbow. Time passed, and I was not shaking hands with
Mrs Bodfish. I have just had the most corking half-hour and shortly - when you
have remembered an appointment - I shall go on having it. What I am really
looking forward to is the happy time after dinner. I shall pass it in not
playing bridge with Bodfish, Mrs Bodfish and a neighbor. Sunday morning is the
best part of the weekend, though. That is when I shall most enjoy myself. Do
you know a man named Pringle? Next Saturday I am not going to stay with
Pringle. I forget who is not to be my host the Saturday after that. I have so
many engagements of this kind that I lose track of them."

"But, Reggie, this is genius. You have hit on the greatest idea of the age. You
might extend this system of yours."

"I do. Some of the jolliest evenings I have spent have been not at the
theatre."  

"I have often wondered what it was that made you look so fit and happy. "

"Yes. These little non-visits of mine pick me up and put life into me for the
coming week. I get up on Monday morning feeling like a lion. The reason I
selected Bodfish this week, though I was practically engaged to a man named
Stevenson who lives out in Connecticut was that I felt rundown and needed a
real rest. I shall be all right on Monday. "

"And so shall I," I said, sinking into the chair beside him. 

"You are not going to the country?" he asked regretfully.

"I am not. I, too, need a tonic. I shall join you at Bodfish's. I really feel a
lot better already."

I closed my eyes, and relaxed, and a great peace settled upon me. 

                              ---
Newsgroups: alt.fan.wodehouse