HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: gery@midway.uchicago.edu (Black Pearl)
Subject: Re: Thanks
Organization: University of Chicago
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 14:44:46 GMT

In article <1992Apr9.123055.11523@wpi.WPI.EDU>, November writes:
> 
> To Sharon and Black Pearl, thank you for your welcome and support.

You're quite welcome!

> It reminds me of when I was a kid,connected only by reading science
> fiction and listening to shortwave radio.I remember those voices from 
> a distance on my headset. I wanted to connect.I won't soon forget
> what it felt like to see your replies on my monitor. Even with the
> support I have its a great comfort to cut through another layer of 
> isolation, it means a lot. This is one hell of a process to take on and 
> accept but I personally feel more hope than despair.This group is another
> way for me to confront my internalized messages that can trigger shame
> and acting out the abuse.

I'm glad you found us, and YES, this sure is one hell of a process! It
is a true "hero/ine's journey!"

Friends in healing,
Black Pearl
From: v130py5w@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (ReNeE)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Is this abuse?
Date: 10 Apr 92 15:42:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <meskanen.29@katk.Helsinki.FI>, meskanen@katk.Helsinki.FI (Meskanen Kaarina) writes...
>This is the first time I'm posting here, 

< welcome!!


>First of all, I wnat to find out if the following experiences are 
>situations that could be regarded as sexual abuse...
   [ story of abuse deleted]

<< IMHO you were abused, you had no control of the situation and so you were
<< powerless. 
ReNeE
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar-admin@wpi.wpi.edu
Subject: A.S.A.R. Charter
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Reply-To: asar-admin@wpi.wpi.edu
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Sun, 12 Apr 1992 00:40:08 GMT

alt.sexual.abuse.recovery (started summer 1991)

MANIFESTO/charter

This group provides a forum for discussion and exchange of information
about sexual abuse, as well as support for those who are recovering
from sexual abuse.

The primary emphasis of this group is on the topic of sexual abuse,
not on the topic of recovery, which is why the name is
"sexual.abuse.recovery" and not "recovery.sexual-abuse."

Some definitions:

By "sexual abuse" we mean any and all childhood and/or adult sexual
victimization: rape, incest, sexual harrassment, sex addiction (a form
of self-victimization), childhood molestation, sexual assult or
coercion of any sort.  If what happened to you isn't covered by our
list, e-mail us and we'll add it on.

By "discussion" we mean supportive, respectful, adult interaction, NOT
FLAMES and not a running debate concerning the necessity of starting
this group.  This group is necessary -- as long as sexual abuse
exists, open discussion of it is vital, because only by breaking the
"don't tell" rule can we hope to stop it.

	NOTE: this topic is painful enough for many of us to discuss
without having to endure grammar nit-picks, cutesy double-entendres,
e-mail come-ons, etc. Please try to make each other feel more
comfortable, not less.

	Also, ANY suggestion that any form of sexual abuse is the
victim's fault is simply unacceptable. 

By "exchange of information" we mean bibliographies, therapist/support
group experiences & recommendations, book reviews, conference and
workshop schedules, etc, etc, etc.

By "support" we mean listening to each other, encouraging each other,
giving each other advice based on our own experiences, and giving each
other plenty of that all-important sympathy and affirmation.
	In order to make this easier, we are providing an anonymous
posting service.

By "recovery" we mean, first and foremost, ending the victimization.
Also empowering ourselves, and healing ourselves physically,
emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and sexually.

Welcome, everybody!

mary, a.k.a. dusty@silver.ucs.indiana.edu
& my friend, who wishes to remain anonymous

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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields)
Subject: Re: sex/power
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 19:20:09 GMT

I'm also hearing drastically different stories coming from
Chris and the Health Care Professionals.  My instinct tells me that
this is not a distinction between theory and practice, or between
therapy and statistical psychology, but between Chris and/or his school
and others.  However, that's just my instinct. :)  My intelllect says
I personally am outside my area of expertise (they don't cover this
in Schenkerian Analysis of Tonality).

Matt the Musician
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar.321@wpi.wpi.edu (Uffah) 
Subject:  replies and personal ravings
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
X-Aps2-Version: 2.1
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 15:00:24 GMT

Its Uffah here: First I want to reply to some stuff other survivors have
posted. 

To Teresa Kline: You were a victim. This does not mean you will continue
                 to be a victim. Victimhood is a learned behavior, behavior
                 can be unlearned! If your therapist disaggrees get a new
                 therapist! Remember, awareness is the first step in change.

To Jac: attemped rape is a massive boundary violation. Your responses to this
        violation are normal for that degree of trauma. People who say otherwise        are insensitive twits! I've run into twits like that myself. One friend
        can't understand why I'm obsessing over what happened two decades ago,
        a shrink once called me a liar, and another shrink said I was just
        trying to get attention. <expletatives deleted>!

To Sherri: E-HUGS! E-HUGS! E-HUGS! God I can use then myself! I would have
           loved to have replied and talked about my struggles with the
           abuse, and my shame over being a transsexual, but I don't know
           my news reader well enough to scroll back to your header. Please
           have mercy on a UNIX illiterate  and when inviting me to e-mail
           back include the e-mail address right there, or I'll never be able
           to retrieve it :-)

To Sim: I know of a list called cdforum, but when I sent off a request to
        join a week ago I have heard nothing back, maybe I screwed up. As
        where I'm at, I'm preop, on hormones, and living/working full-time
        as a woman. The shrink at the gender clinic keep pressuring me to
        go through the operation, but I'm reluctant to do so. I'm still
        trying to figure why I'm reluctant, Probably alot to do with the
        shame I feel, and the sense that if I go for it, then my parents
        won! Its too early to get into the gory details, but suffice to say
        my parents did everything they could to systematically destroy
        my sexual identity, the laid the shame on me. The end result of 
        all that happened, including the incest, has left me feeling
        totally alien, not human, like I don't belong on the planit!
        Hence the netname of Uffah, from the Jabberwoky. Since Uffah
        glops, she is not human. I grieve all that! 




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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hartfiel@cis.ohio-state.edu (mathew alan hartfield)
Subject: Problems with a new baby in the family
Originator: hartfiel@limpet.cis.ohio-state.edu
Organization: The Ohio State University, Department of Computer and Information Science
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 18:46:33 GMT


Hi, everyone.

	I haven't posted or read in a while because of a lot of shit
that's been going on, which I'll tell you about sometime soon.

	Today I'm writing because my brother's wife just had a baby,
and I'm really upset about it.  I hate the thought that he is going
to go through the same things that my family did to me.

	I don't have long to write(gotta go to class), but I'd appreciate it
if anyone who sees this would post a response.  I have really been upset
about this, and today I binged, and wanted to purge.

	Does anyone relate?

--
Matt Hartfield
hartfiel@cis.ohio-state.edu

Character Density, n.:
                   The number of very weird people in the office.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar.281@wpi.wpi.edu (Coloratura) 
Subject:  Re:  Is this abuse
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
X-Aps2-Version: 2.1
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 15:55:37 GMT

APS-Name: Coloratura

Meskanen Kaarina writes:

> First of all, I wnat to find out if the following experiences are 
> situations that could be regarded as sexual abuse...

[incidents deleted]

First, welcome to the group!  I hope you find help here.

From what you write, you were coerced, by people old enough to know better.
In my opinion, that's definitely sexual abuse.

					Coloratura

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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: Followup on Ladyhawke
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date: 16 Apr 1992 10:25 EST  

In article <1992Apr15.231214.6544@bsu-ucs.uucp>, 00rmosadczuk@bsu-ucs.uucp writes...
>This is in followup to my earlier post..
> 
>My tests came out negative, so I will live!  

I'm glad!!  :)
>LIfe is the nost preciuos gift I have, and I doubt I will ever be suicidal
>again! ( yeah!)  

Write this down....for future reference.  I make myself write in my journal 
when I'm feeling good as well as when I'm feeling lousy.  That way, when I 
feel bad, I can re-read the good things.  It just reminds me....

>I know that this doesn't relate much to sexual abuse

Sure it does.  Anyone here *never* feel suicidal??  I think a lot of those 
feelings *are* related to the abuse.  We survivors have such a bad sense of 
self *because of* the abuse.

Gentleness to all!
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: gery@midway.uchicago.edu (Black Pearl)
Subject: Re: no green m&m's for me
Organization: University of Chicago
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 18:00:35 GMT

In article <1992Apr6.195559.2333@acsu.buffalo.edu>, v130py5w@ubvmsc.cc.buffalo.edu (ReNeE) writes:
> 
> sorry eveyone about not using the [deleted material] and posting stuff
> that was way to long. I'll learn to use the [] o.k. so i'm going to go
> sit in the corner.
> 
> peace to all who want it!
> e-hugs to all who need them!!
> 
> ReNeE
> 

Aw, come on, you still deserve green m&m's!

Friends in healing,
Black Pearl

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fay@dolomite.WPI.EDU (Peter R Fay)
Subject: Re: Overt paedophilia IS sexual abuse (Re: sex/power)
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute, Worcester, MA 01609-2280
	<1992Apr3.163838.12947@midway.uchicago.edu>
	<43910@mentor.cc.purdue.edu>
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 18:26:18 GMT


On 4 Apr 92 19:49:21 GMT,
sabolps2@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Paul Sabol) said:

>In article <1847@transfer.stratus.com>, Laurie Mann writes:
>> ....  For those of us 
>> who were sexually abused as children, it is impossible to view
>> overt paedophilia as anything BUT child sexual abuse.  
>> Period.  End of discussion.

sabolps2> happening with this discussion of pediophilia.  We have some
sabolps2> VERY 'professional' views wich are based on a world view
sabolps2> that is VASTLY differant from that of the survivor of child
sabolps2> sexual abuse.  However, neither view is RIGHT or WRONG they
sabolps2> serve two differant purposes.  In the case of the abuse
sabolps2> survivor that can not see pediophillia as "ever" ok they are
sabolps2> protecting themselvs (from the shame) and will probally be
sabolps2> more helpful than not in helping to protect children who
sabolps2> (like themselves) my have not REALLY been concenting.  The

"MAY" not REALLY be consenting????  This is the logic that
perpetrators use - that some children ARE ABLE to consent, therefore
prepetrators rationalize their abuse.

sabolps2> professionals, on the other hand, are using a world view
sabolps2> that is helpful to the recovery of the SHAME of being a
sabolps2> pediophile.  Perhaps some day being a pediophile (in a
sabolps2> 'concenting' relationship) will be a social issue like being
sabolps2> a homosexual is today.

I am a professional and a clinician.  I and many others I know work
with sexually abused clients as well as perpetrators.  I know of NOT
ONE who thinks sex between a minor and an adult is ok, no matter what
the circumstances.  In fact the favored treatment of paedophiles is to
teach them to FEEL SHAME about what they are doing, because THEY
DON'T!!! They have a million rationalizations to continue their
behavior, usually including that the child/adolescent consented.  They
normally lack any shame, compassion, or empathy at all, and therefore
even with treatment, frequently return to abusing children.

In terms of the field of mental health, there are about a handful of
"clinicians" who advocate paedophilia, versus tens of thousands who
oppose it, including every professional organization and association
in existance.  This is also true of published literature in the field
- almost none exists showing anything but trauma coming from
adult-child sex, at least the couple of hundred articles and books I
have read.
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~        Peter Fay        (fay@wpi.wpi.edu)                      ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: is_b420@kingston.ac.uk (Brendan Rooney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: I want to hurt myself
Date: 10 Apr 92 11:07:54 GMT
Organization: Kingston Polytechnic

In article <1992Apr9.183019.1240@bvc.edu> blackbourner@bvc.edu writes:
>I am in a self-destructive mood today. I want to hurt myself. I am not sure 
>why, though.
>
>I wish someone would hold me in there arms and comfort me. There's no one 
>here to do that. I'm going crazy!


Hi Erin,
	Although I'm not there in person, I send you a really big 
e-mail hug to comfort you.  My arms are wide open for you.  I feel 
that you will get over your mood today.

Brendan Rooney.
is_b420@kingston.ac.uk
From: weaverli0469@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Mom's abuse; what to do?
Date: 8 Apr 92 11:23:11 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

Hi all, it's been a while since I've posted. So I thought I'd kick myself and
tell you where I am right now....

        I'm in the process of gathering info. on sexual abuse for my mother...
After last spring break I thought she  ought to have a little info on the
subject.(for those of you out there who are wondering what's she talking about,
My mom said something to the effect of why did you go back if you knew what was
going to happen!!) I've gotten over her remark and have come to the point to
where I'm comfortable (?) with where I am... there are some things that need
work though :) 
        I found out something interesting over spring break also and I feel
like I have to share it to get some feedback, yet I'd feel like I'm betraying
someone. Here it goes... I found out that my mother was abused also as a
child... It's confusing for me to hear that from my own mother. I don't know
why. I just have one question.... do you think that by me giving her that
packet of info. I'd be pushing it on her? I really want her to realize that
what I'm going through is real and not a ploy for attention. How can I get that
across to her without her getting defensive.... I feel like I'm walking on
eggshells right now just talking about it with you. (please, somebody tell me
if it is wrong talking about her so I won't do it again if it is) We (mom & I)
had a long talk and I guess before all that stuck out was that one comment,but
as I reevaluated the situation I started remembering more of the conversation.
SHe said that she wants to be content and sure of herself. It PAINS me to see
my mother going through what I went through. It hurts, but I'll be there for
her if she needs to talk. 
       Anyway... Thanks for listening. I appreciate it. E-hugs to all who need
them and want them :-)

       -Shawna
From: v058l789@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Ethan A Bowerman)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: thelma and louise (movie)
Date: 16 Apr 92 04:24:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <45629@mentor.cc.purdue.edu>, Bede_Jarrow@hikssrv.lib.purdue.edu (Bron) writes...
>I saw the movie "Thelma and Louise" for the first time Sunday night and was
>appalled at my feelings:  I found myself cheering these women on for committing
>crimes!  lately I've gotten in touch with a lot of anger I have towards men,
>especially ones in authority.  (I must say that I do not feel angry at any men
>on this net, nor really men in general).  It was good to see women as
>non-victims.  Intellectually I don't think crime is good, and I think there are
>more positive ways to deal with an abusive past.  But something in me cheered
>for them.  I think it was Thelma who was the more passive character at the
>beginning and she really came alive during the movie, letting her hair down,
>making choices, taking risks.  In some ways I feel I'm doing that lately
>(although cerntainly not committing crimes.)  I was happy for her.  How did
>others feel about this movie?
> 
>Bron

	Hey... it IS only a movie.  I loved it too.  Movies are made to jerk 
your emotions about.  A LOT of men got pissed off at this movie and, well
because I am a guy I think I can make a judgement call on them- I think that
they are just scared of women in power positions.  Personally, I think they're
full of it.  If you liked the movie- don't have any bad feeling about it- it is
only a movie and not reality.


	Excuse me if I sound a little untight- no offense intended.
From: Bede_Jarrow@hikssrv.lib.purdue.edu (Bron)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: I'm angry today
Date: 6 Apr 92 19:56:31 GMT
Article-I.D.: mentor.44128
Reply-To: Bede_Jarrow@hikssrv.lib.purdue.edu (Bron)

I've reached the threshold of my tolerance level for a situation that's going
on at work.  I mentioned last week that my co-TA left class early and neither
he nor the prof helped me proctor the quiz.  Well, today the guy left early
again and I'm angry that he's apparently getting away with this (as well as
getting away with casual dress; I feel that if _I_ did any of these things I'd
get nailed at once).  I mentioned to the prof again today that I want the three
of us to proctor the next quiz. Again, he said nothing.  

Today I felt so angry that it's been hard to concentrate on my studies.  I
finally wrote letters to both of them.  I told them both that I was angry about
these situations, that I realize my co-TA's going through prelims but that I
also have a lot of work to do (3 papers in 2 1/2 weeks), and that I was not
going to cover for the TA if he left class early.  I won't supply him or his
students with notes, and I feel he should ask the prof about due dates rather
than always asking me.  I told the prof that if he was letting the TA go early
due to studies, he should also let me as I have an equivalent situation, or not
let either of us go.  I asked the TA not to talk to the prof during the quiz,
and asked the prof if he could talk to the TA before or after the quiz but not
during it.  (They were talking to each other during the last couple of quizzes
and not proctoring).  I said I wanted to talk to the prof about this and see if
we can come up with solutions that are fair to all concerned.  I tried to make
my lanaguage assrtive, letting them know how I felt, but I'm scared about it
too--what if I get into trouble?  I think I may talk to others about it and
show people the letters and maybe revise them before I give them to the
individuals.

I'd like some feedback on this situation and my arguments.  How have other
people handled inequalities and co-workers not doing their fair share?

Thanks, Bron
From: 00rmosadczuk@bsu-ucs.uucp
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Mr. Control
Date: 8 Apr 92 05:05:50 GMT
Article-I.D.: bsu-ucs.1992Apr8.000550.5828

In article <1992Apr3.182903.924@reed.edu>, bob@reed.edu (Robert Ankeney) writes:
> 
>      I met someone last night.  He's the part of me who holds all my ugly
> memories.  He sits back with a smug smile on his face, tantalizing me
> with tidbits of memories.  He makes me flinch repeatedly with flashbacks
> of fear and pain, like bullets fired at my feet.  "Dance", he commands.
> So I dance.  What else can I do?  He is so very angry.
>      But I met him and I know him now.  I know him for who he is.  I call
> him Mr. Control.  He is angry, and yet he is very fearful.  He is so empty
> inside.  All he has is this power over me.  The ability to control me with
> memories.  Like a puppet on a string.  I hate Mr. Control.  Mr. Control is
> me.
>      But I know him now.  I know his pain.  I know his emptiness.  Because
> they are my pain, my emptiness.  And my anger.  I want to make a deal with
> him.  To fill his emptiness with warmth and life.  In trade for that rigid
> control, for those memories.  He's not very trusting.  He fears me, suspects
> me of some scheme like calling "New lamps for old", afraid of trading his
> old lamp with a genie in it for a shiny but empty one.  The thing is, his
> old lamp is actually empty.  He's been rubbing it for years, jumping through
> hoops hoping that genie would emerge.  The genie of love and self-respect.
> It's time to give up that old control.  Like a pair of shoes made of lead,
> that kept me from moving.  Time to trade them in on a pair like Hermes'.
> Winged that will allow me to fly.  To go places I've always been afraid of,
> to try new things I've always been scared to try.
>      Now is a good time to begin.
> 
> Robert

I know I haven't spoken much recently, but that was truely beautiful Robert..

I have not heard from you before, and I am very impressed and very enthraled,,,

Sigh....

To all who replyed to me - I am replying as soon as I can think of proper
replies!

And to all a big E-Hug if you want, and if not My thoughs....

Thank you all for your support...

Ladyhawke
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar.316@wpi.wpi.edu  
Subject:  confused
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
X-Aps2-Version: 2.1
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Sun, 12 Apr 1992 18:02:31 GMT

ACS Name: Shannon
 
Hi....I haven't gotten the courage to post under my real name (at least not
yet.) I'm having trouble in several areas of my life. It's almost like when I
get on part of it settled another thing comes up. Oh well. I've made it this
far, I can make it the rest of the way. One problem I'm having is in the area
of trust. I either tell the people who I'm with everything, or nothing at all.
It's like an all or nothing situation. I'm afraid of telling people too much to
the point to where I push them away. I'm currently seeing a guy and I've told
him everything that happened (which is a lot). I'm really afraid that if I
continue, this will push him away, and we have really neat "normal" 
conversations. Then there's my friends, I don't want to burn them out. What do
I do? I'm so divided it's not funny. A part of me wants to tell them because
it's good for me to talk. Another part says "shut up, do you want to lose them
as friends". I need some suggestions...I'm afraid I'm scaring all of my friends
away. 

Thanks for listening, I apperciate it. Any suggestions are welcome.

-Shannon






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