From: guest@chopin.Physics.McGill.CA (Muhep Guest account)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: The Definitive STAR TREK Parody Chapter 10
Keywords: Parody
Date: 23 Jan 93 02:01:58 GMT
Organization: SOCS, McGill University, Montreal, Canada


                    The Definitive STAR TREK Parody

                               Chapter 10

                      Yet Another Region of Space


It's stardate 45099.3.  Worf enters Ten-Forward.  He sits at the bar
where Guinan, the bartender, is working.

"Prune juice."

Guinan nods and activates the replicater.  Nothing
happens.  Guinan looks puzzled.

"Is something wrong?" Worf asks.

"There's something wrong with the replicater.  Can I get you something
else?"

"I *want* prune juice!"

"You always have prune juice."

"I *like* prune juice!"

Guinan tries another approach.  "Worf, why do you come here?"

"For prune juice."

"Yes, but you have a replicater in your quarters.  Surely, you come
*here* for another reason."

Worf looks annoyed.

"Admit it, Worf, you like to be with other people."

Worf doesn't answer.  He taps his communicator.  "Lieutenant LaForge"

"LaForge here."

"Guinan informs me that the replicater in Ten-Forward is malfunctioning."

"I'll send someone to look at it."

Worf looks at Guinan.  "I'll be back."


In Holodeck 1, Lieutenant Reginald Barclay sits on a bed.  On the other
side of the room is what appears to be Councellor Deanna Troi.

"Deanna, what's wrong?"

She doesn't answer.

He gets up, walks over to her and grasps her shoulders.
"Let me guess: it's because we're serving on the same ship."

She nods and looks into his eyes.  "It's wrong, Reg.  Our duty ..."

"Should not get in the way of our happiness!  Deanna, you're a
beautiful woman!  You could have *any* man on the ship!"

She rolls her eyes.  "That's what my mother tells me."

"And she's right!  The question is ... do you want *just* any man?"

She takes a deep breath.  "Oh, Reg!"

Just then Reg's communicator is activated.  Reg looks annoyed.
"Computer: freeze program!"  "Deanna" stands perfectly still, her
head tilted back and her eyes closed.

Reg taps his communicator.  "What is it?"

"Lieutenant, this is LaForge speaking."

"S-s-sorry, S-s-sir, what can I do for you?"

"You're needed down in Ten-Forward.  I need you to run a diagnostic on
the replicater down there."

"Right away, Sir!"

"And, Reg?"

"Yes, ... Geordi?"

"I thought you said you weren't going to spend so much time in the
holodeck while on duty."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry, Sir; I was just taking a break."

"Well, that's alright then.  If you like you can get back to ...
whatever it was when you're finished with the diagnostic."

"Yes, Sir!  Thank you, Sir!"

"LaForge out."

Reg looks at his hologram of Troi.  He says, barely audably, "Damn."
He moves toward the exit.  "Computer: save program and exit."  He
leaves.


Later, in Ten-Forward, Reg has finished looking at Guinan's replicater.
"It should be OK, now."

"What was wrong with it?" Guinan asks.

"Insufficient power.  This replicater gets used more than any other on
the ship and I guess it requires more power so I've increased its
allotment."

"I've never had a problem with it before."

Reg looks puzzled.  "But ... I couldn't find anything wrong with it."

"Reg, I'm sure you did a fine job.  I'm just saying that you should
let Geordi know that, well, it's not as if I've been any more busy
lately than usual."

Reg nods.  "I'll pass that on ... and I'll let you know if we come up
with anything more."


Meanwhile, Keiko Ishikawa, wife of Chief O'Brien, sits in their quarters,
reading from a console screen.  A whistling sound tells her that someone
is at the door.

"Come in."

The door opens to reveal Nurse Ogawa.  Keiko smiles and lifts herself up
out of the chair, clearly feeling the weight of the child in her womb.

<<Are you alright?>>, Ogawa asks in Japanese.

<<Oh, yes, I'm fine.>>, Keiko answers tapping her belly.

Nurse Ogawa takes out her all-purpose-diagnostic-device and proceeds to
examine Keiko.  <<I just wanted to see how you were doing.  Have you
decided on a name?>>

<<Yes, Molly>>

<<Molly, that's a nice name.>>

Keiko smiles.  <<I can hardly wait to see her.>>

Ogawa looks impressed.  <<Your Japanese is getting better.>>

Keiko shakes her head.  <<I haven't spoken more than as few words
since I was a child.>>  She looks up at the ceiling, says <<My
grandmother used to speak Japanese all the time.>> and then looks
down at her belly.  <<She used to ... sing songs to me too.  I wish
I could remember them ... then I could sing one to Molly.>>

Ogawa smiles.

<<Shall I get you some tea?>>

<<Yes, thank you.>>  Ogawa sits down as Keiko walks over to the
replicater.  Keiko asks for "two cups of Jasmine tea, hot," but nothing
happens.  She turns to Ogawa.

"Yoko, how do you say 'The replicater isn't working' in Japanese?"


Later, on the bridge, Geordi enters.  Picard gets up and turns to face
him.  "Report."

"Well, Sir, the problems people have been having with their replicaters
has been linked to a power drain.  Currently, the Enterprise is at 80\%
power."

Picard looks concerned.  "What could account for this?"

Geordi looks serious.  "I think it's just a property of this
region of space we're in.  It's draining our power at an increasing
rate."

Troi gets up.  "Geordi, if we were to lose all power, would we be
trapped in this region of space?"

Geordi shakes his head.  "No, even if we *were* to lose all power,
our momentum would carry us on through to the other side.  Our main
concerns are life support and the anti-matter containment field."

"Oh."  Troi looks embarrassed and sits down.

Picard: "If all power were diverted to those two areas, would we be
alright?"

Geordi shrugs his shoulders.  "I don't know.  Based on the rate of
power loss, I'd say were not halfway through yet."

Riker gets up.  "In that case, Sir, I think we should turn around."

Picard shakes his head.  "No, we should continue on course."

"But if what Geordi says is true?"

"Then our duty is to determine the extent of this region so that
Starfleet can declare it a navigational hazard."

Riker calms down.  "You're right, Sir, of course."

Picard looks at Geordi.  "I want you to reroot all unnecessary power
consumption on my authority."

"Yes, Captain."  Geordi leaves.


Meanwhile, Reg is back on holodeck 1.

"Yes!  *Oh*, Deanna!  *Yes*, that's it!"

Reg is interupted by the ship's computer.
"{\tt All unnecessary power usage is to be discontinued.  This holodeck
will shut down in thirty seconds.  Do you wish to save?}"

"No, not *now*!  A few more minutes, *please*!"

"{\tt Power reallotment can only be overridden by the Captain's
authority.}"

"You mean if *he* were running this program, *he*'d get to
finish?"

"{\tt That is correct.  Shut down in ten seconds.  Do you wish to
save?}"

"Yes, save program!"

Suddenly, the holodeck returns to its natural state: all the holograms
have disappeared including the bed Reg was lying on.  Reg drops to the
floor.  "Ow!"

Reg slowly gets up, gathers up his clothes and puts them on.


Soon, back on the bridge, all but the emergency the lights are out.
Geordi contacts Picard from engineering.  "Captain, I think we're
through the worst of it.  I also think we'll be able to map this region
based on its dechyon signature, thereby giving ships something to look
for in the future."

"Good work, Geordi!"


Later, Geordi contacts the bridge again.  "Sir, we're out!  I'm
restoring power to the bridge."

The lights on the bridge come on as bright as ever (?!) and Picard
stands up.  "Ensign Ro, set a course to the nearest starbase."

"Aye aye, Sir!"

"And not necessarily a direct course, Ensign!  We want to avoid this
area at all cost!"

Ro rolls her eyes.  (Luckily for her, Picard sits behind her.)
"Yes, Sir."

"Lieutenant, maximum warp."

"Yes, Captain, full impulse\footnote{By "full impulse", Data does
*not* mean "to hell with warp drive let's just use impulse
drive".  Impulse is a measure of change of momentum.}."

"Engage!"

NEXT: "Busted!"

Martin Phipps
SCAVIE AWARD WINNER
LOULA@hep.physics.mcgill.ca