HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: luallin2386@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: re-post
Date: 7 Apr 92 12:21:50 -0500
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

In article <1992Apr6.173156.9738@wpi.WPI.EDU>, asar.310@wpi.wpi.edu writes:
> Aps Name: November

November,

Hello!
*hugs* if you want them!
Sarah
From: Bede_Jarrow@hikssrv.lib.purdue.edu (Bron)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: re: here's a poem
Date: 9 Apr 92 22:52:12 GMT
Article-I.D.: mentor.44685
Reply-To: Bede_Jarrow@hikssrv.lib.purdue.edu (Bron)

Warrior, thanks for sharing the poem with us.  It reminded me of some of
Tolkien's stuff (the imagery, etc.) and I felt strengthened.

Bron
From: chrislyn@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Tracey L. Stanchfield)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: memory lapses & fear of being/becoming adult?
Date: 8 Apr 92 16:03:04 GMT
Article-I.D.: bsu-cs.1297
Organization: Dept of CS Ball State University Muncie In

In article <4APR92.14404663@enh.nist.gov> aberson@enh.nist.gov writes:
>In a previous article, chrislyn@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Tracey L. Stanchfield) wrote:
>> ( about memory lapses concering important stuff like FAF & scholarship
	forms)
>Is this a serious problem that interferes with your daily living?  Just
>to give you an example from my own life, last week I realized that much
>to my chagrin, my local taxes were due April 1.   I do not believe I
>have a problem with memory loss, but I, like you, forgot taxes.  I'm 
>doing them today.  The question I'm asking is whether this is disturbing
>your life, or whether you are being too hard on yourself.
	
	Guess it depends on your definiton of serious. I nearly blew my 
	chances at a major scholarship without which I would have to 
	take out loans to continue my education. I don't know if it
	affects my so much on a daily basis, but it does seem to interfere
	with important stuff.
>
>>( starting inner child exerciese)...I could not visualize her 
>>and the 21-yr old tracey as separate people....
>
>I have difficulty imagining my self as a child at all.  I still cannot
>even visualize what I look like today, and frequently shock myself
>when I *really* look at myself in the mirror.  I do not recognize that
>person!
>
>>I'm not sure twaht this means-- maybe I just don't have a very good
>>recollection of what I looked like then or soemthing-- but I think it
>>may run a little deeper. I'm afraid that I don't want to grow up.
>>I know a lot of people say tht.. but I really, seriously mean it. 
>>( comments about not driving -- possible phobia?)

>Is this a fear of growing up, or more of a loss of control issue?  I know
>many people who do not like to drive.  Again, I do not know you, but
>just hope to give you something to think about.

	I don't know. I really don't know. It may be more of a control issue,
	but it still interferes with being seen as a "grown-up". Sometimes 
	it doesn't bother me ( I don't have to make car payments or worry
	about insurance) but at other times I feel like I don't have a 
	lot of independance. 
	Thanks for your comments, Sim--please continue if you have more
	to say-- and that goes for any one else--I'd really like more input 
	on this...

tracey
From: Bede_Jarrow@hikssrv.lib.purdue.edu (Bron)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: validating my perceptions
Date: 10 Apr 92 22:57:50 GMT
Reply-To: Bede_Jarrow@hikssrv.lib.purdue.edu (Bron)

I'm proud of myself because I'm not buying into my perp boss' denial.  He's
invalidating my perceptions, but God, I, and you all know the truth!  I really
appreciate all the posts I've been sent lately.

I will not apologize for my perceptions.  Today was really hard going to the
class and seeing him.  He didn't say much to me, I say as little as possible to
him, and the other TA didn't talk to me at all.  The prof decided that he
wanted to hand back all the reports.  greg and I went down to help.  Greg ended
up stacking the unclaimed ones; I just stood there.  greg volunteered to take
the reports with him and C gave them to him, so I just went back to my seat.  

114 more days until rgaduation; I hope I can get out of here in August!  

Writing the letter last night was a good experience for me.  I'm letting go of
a lot of anger, although I still have some.  I've experienced some peace.  I
wrote down a chronology of rlevant dates and events and paper-clipped it to my
copy of the letters I gave to C and greg and C's note of yest.  I know that
many grad students in our dept. have gotten hurt in the long run by going above
people's heads for grade appeals or disagreements with profs, and I don't want
to risk not getting my degree.  Since C's my major prof, TA supervisor, and
dept. head, he is a very powerful person.  However, I'm realizing that I'm
owning _my_ power just by holding on to my perceptions; he is wrong when he
says such and such never happened; he's in denial.  In a narrow business sense
he may be "right" but I know I'm right morally and I feel good about this,
although I wish things would blow over.  I know others have had trouble with
greg's slacking off, but it appears I'm the first person to say soemthing
directly.  I'm glad I stayed true to my value of direct confrontation rather
than sniping at people indirectly (I do some of that too but I'm becoming more
direct).

I hope this doesn't hurt me in the long run, but I take comfort in knowing that
I trusted my own perceptions and that others trust them too.  That means an
awful lot right now.  

I've been using the "Courage cards" of Sue Patton Thoele.  They're affirmations
for women.  Has anyone else used them or other affirmations?  The one I chose
for this week was "I pay attention to my intuition."  That really seems to fit.

take care, everyone.

Bron the brave

P.S.  The second paper is almost over!
From: gery@midway.uchicago.edu (Black Pearl)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: test
Date: 15 Apr 92 15:48:17 GMT
Organization: University of Chicago

In article <1992Apr14.191608.5395@acsu.buffalo.edu>, ReNeE writes:
> 
> ....
>
> :^( i hope you all out there are doing better then me and i hope i don't worry
> anyone to much, don't worry i'll bouce back i always do......
> ReNeE
> 

Good for you for letting those negative hate emotions spew forth all over
the page! Hope it helped, and hope you're feeling better today.

Friends in healing,
Black Pearl
From: 00rmosadczuk@bsu-ucs.uucp
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Ladyhawke needs support, please...
Date: 15 Apr 92 20:57:51 GMT

Have you ever been truely terrified...

I'm not just talking about abuse now, it's been a long hard day, and I need to
get this out, so please forgiove me.  A little over a week ago I gota blood
test done, and the results come in today.  It's now 3:50 which means that in 40
minutes I get to find out if I am going to live for another 10 years...  I have
gone through today so terrified..  I constatly tyalk about wishing I were dead,
or giving up, but in reality, I have now discovered exactly how much I WANT TO
LIVE!!!  I tried to goto my classes today, and I made it to a few, but it was
just too much.  My SO and i went out to eat, and I fell asleep in the
restaurabt, I was so exhausted...  I'm scared, truely scared...  I can admit
that now, death terrifies me...

Erin Sue - don't hurt yourself please, I'm slowly learning how precious life and
body are to a person.. 

Sigh..\

Sorry to lay this all on you, I'll write in the results when I get oon next
time...

i could use TONS of hugs though...

E-Hug to those who want them...

In friendship and love,

Ladyhawke
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: altinbay@alc.com (John Altinbay)
Subject: Re: I can't belive I'm posting this...
Organization: Ascent Logic Corporation, San Jose, CA
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 14:28:06 GMT


It feels odd to be writing it in this manner, since I haven't
posted yet, but I've been reading since day one, and I'd
like to say, welcome and thanks for posting, to Enigma.

I thought a while about replying by e-mail, but I've decided to
post in order to lend support publicly, and to say hi to everyone
here.  This is one of the handful of truly worthwhile groups
on the net, and I love the work and the support that is
happening here.

I, too, grew up in an emotionally abusive household.  I am
quite certain there wasn't any physical sexual abuse, but
sexual hangups were certainly administered.  So were corporal
punishment.  I have been in therapy, I'm always working
on my issues, and will be back in therapy shortly to help
the process along.  My fiancee is also being a great resource.

Enigma, I didn't find your posting "dispassionate and
cerebral" at all.  Maybe I just relate to the fears.
Last week, I sent a letter to the editor of the Rocky Mountain
News regarding child abuse in which I wrote about some of what
I grew up with.  I also talked about it recently on the net.
So when you're, in your words, "announcing "My Parents Are Not
Perfect"", let me assure you that you are not alone.  It wasn't
easy for me, either.

Please feel free to send me mail if you want someone to
listen, or talk to you.  I'm told I give great hugs, if
you can use them.

-- 
MMIH   =============================================  altinbay@alc.com
            My existence led by confusion boats
                          Mutiny from stern to bough
altinbay@netcom.com  ===================================   - Bob Dylan
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fay@dolomite.WPI.EDU (Peter R Fay)
Subject: Re: Overt paedophilia IS sexual abuse (Re: sex/power)
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute, Worcester, MA 01609-2280
	<FAY.92Apr6132618@dolomite.WPI.EDU> <6APR92.14351663@enh.nist.gov>
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 21:17:19 GMT


On 6 Apr 92 19:35:16 GMT,
aberson@enh.nist.gov said:
>In fact the favored treatment of paedophiles is to
>teach them to FEEL SHAME about what they are doing, because THEY
>DON'T!!! 

aberson> I personally have a lot of trouble with this.  Shame will not
aberson> keep someone from molesting children.  It will just keep them
aberson> ashamed of who they are.  Many of us know how destructive
aberson> that shame turned inward can be.  That *some* clinicians,
aberson> apparently you included, are encouraging such
aberson> self-destruction, I find quite disturbing.  While I have no
aberson> love lost for paedophiles, I find this tactic as bad as the
aberson> original crime, and probably not very effective at all.

I do not ascribe to the theory that some feelings are "good" and some
are "bad".  Shame, like anger, hate, regret, etc. can and does serve a
useful purpose in human behavior.  Apparently you didn't understand
what I was saying - a therapist is not causing a paedophile to be
ashamed.  Paedophiles DON'T feel shame, remorse, etc., and are unable
to take responsibility for their actions.  I don't "cause
destruction", but attempt to help them identify and develop what
little self-control they may have, whether it be through the NORMAL
self-controls such as fear, shame, anticipating consequences or even
empathy.

I am a survivor and am quite aware of how destructive shame can be to
those who "take on" other's shame... by the way, if survivors take on
other's shame, who do you suppose is the one who gets not to feel
shame?  Perpetrators.  If you think this tactic of encouraging
perpetrators to accept their own shame is as bad as the original
crime, well, I'm at a loss of what to say.

--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~        Peter Fay        (fay@wpi.wpi.edu)                      ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: jareed@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Judith Ann Reed)
Subject: The best thing my therapist does is...
Organization: Syracuse University, Syracuse, NY
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 92 14:01:12 EDT

In article <1992Apr2.171338.20113@zip.eecs.umich.edu> fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields) writes:
>Above A Whisper recently ran a series of columns called "I hate it when my
>therapist..." and "The best thing my therapist did was..."
>
>Could such a thing happen on the net without becoming a flamefest?
>
>-Matt the musician

Well, our newsfeed may have been down, so this may be old, but I am going 
to respond anyway.

* The best thing my therapist does is to remind me that the abuse happened
  in the past - it is not happening now. That helps me to focus on myself
  today, and to remember that although I can't change my past, I can take
  charge of my life and make my future what I want it to be.

  changeling

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: geroldf@sdd.hp.com (Gerold Firl)
Subject: Re: my first post
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, San Diego Division
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1992 00:35:35 GMT

asar.321@wpi.wpi.edu (Uffah) writes:

>This is my first post, though I post regularly in the recovery mailing list
>under my first name. I guess I want to post here because its more interactive
>and closer to real-time. But enough of that. 

Hi, and welcome.

>I carry around alot of shame over both my abuse and over the fact that I'm
>a transsexual. My perp (foster father) used my transsexualism as a means 
>of control over me, as well as exploiting it in ways that I'm not yet ready
>to get into yet. My foster mother was also a perp, but hers was raping my
>mind. I feel isolated, though I do have good friends. I have a problem with
>self-hate, which culminated this weekend with my cutting my left arm four
>times. 

>It is scary posting to an unmoderated group, and I'm feeling vulnerable
>right now.

Nah. Posting isn't scary. Your former life was scary. The fear you feel is
echo-fear from the time when your perps had power over you, and could hurt
you. They can't hurt you now. Now it's just you, your memories, and how you
deal with them. You have some ideas, attitudes, and habits left over from 
that time which you need to change. Posting to this group is pretty theraputic.

>It also seems like it wasn't safe to admit to a belief in God.

Hey, no problem. We all have our little peccadillos.  %^)

take it easy - gerold

-- 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Disclaimer claims dat de claims claimed in dis are de claims of meself,
me, and me alone, so sue us god. I won't tell Bill & Dave if you won't.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=----   Gerold Firl @ ..hplabs!hp-sdd!geroldf
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: jareed@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Judith Ann Reed)
Subject: question, comments from changeling
Organization: Syracuse University, Syracuse, NY
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 92 15:01:25 EDT

 changeling here.

 Any of you folks in ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) groups care to 
 comment about how you relate what they talk about to your healing efforts
 as a survivor? I've started going to a group, the issues are related but I'm
 not sure how to separate what I can use from what I can't. Case in point -
 there seems to be a lot of forgiveness and understanding of alcoholic parents.
 However, since mine were perp and "facilitator", this doesn't feel right.
 On the other side, 2nd meeting discussion was dealing with feelings of 
 abandonment, that is right on target, and some of the 12 step things seem to
 fit. I welcome any comments. My newsfeed has been acting funny, so you
 might want to reply via email, I'll summarize and post if you do.

 I'm hanging in here. Feel like maybe I'm in a sort of mini-"Emergency Stage".
 At group yesterday I was so depressed, have been very much so lately, 
 frustrated, struggling with not trusting ANYONE, drawing inward tighter and
 tighter. Described this to group, it was useful to hear from others that 
 they too had felt this way at one time and yes, they survived it. 
 I am finding that I only trust one person in this world, my SO, and him I am
 probably far too dependent on, so fear of abandonment is huge, besides which
 we have terrible communication at present, we NEVER talk about our feelings,
 so trying to get to where I can tell him just how lousy I feel is horribly
 difficult, feels like an insurmountable barrier, thus I am spinning my wheels.
 Frustrated about how rotten all this is, and that I'm not getting anywhere
 right now. I certainly can't stay _here_, it's too painful. Feeling totally
 abandoned, alone in this world, unconnected, unsupported, out of synch. 
 Sex life has gone kaput, part of the whole lack of communication with spouse.
 I am not comfortable with some of what we do together, it flashes me to abuse
 right now, and I CANNOT TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT, talk about s*x seems to be
 absolutely taboo between us. Thus, I am in the somewhat comical position of
 feeling like I don't want sex at ALL, and had some fun speculating with my
 group just how one tells that to one's SO - 

  "Well, guess there's nothing on tv tonight. Oh, by the way, I've decided
   I never want to have sex again. You don't mind, do you?"

 Feeling lots of feelings, but no notion yet of how to deal with them, how
 to take positive actions to feel better about myself, so I just feel 
 miserable. Suggestions?

 Well, thanks for listening.

 E-hugs to all who care for them, welcome to the new folks, caring thoughts
 to all...

 changeling
From: csz55@seq1.keele.ac.uk (Christopher Wrigley)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Sex/power
Date: 13 Apr 92 15:20:48 GMT
Organization: University of Keele, England


=> (Chris writes a response to Alan's story...in which he extrapolates
=> at least as much into the story as I did (perhaps more))

I disagree.  Matt, judging from your story in response to Alan's story
I see you have misinterpreted it's meaning.

=> Surprise.  I've heard exactly the same stock phrases as Chris
=> wrote in this article from people who were openly advocating
=> their right to viciously abuse children and women.

Matt I think your reading into something that isn't there. In my
response to Alan's story (if you will read it again), you will see
that I am talking about child/child relationships.  I fear you may
be reading what _you want to read.

=> At this time I only hear perp advocacy under the guise of
=> "children's sexuality rights" from Chris.

I see, my hypothesis is correct. Matthew, I certainly do not wish to
have a 'flame fest' with you (take it to e-mail if you do), but really
all I see here is the anger from your past interfering with your
judgement of people who give unbiased accounts of their findings.

=>  Hello---most of us
=> who have Ph.D's had to learn to explain ourselves to non-specialists
=> as part of getting them (I certainly did!).  If you really have
=> something credible to say, give it a try.

Having a PhD, I would have thought your education might allow for a
broad acceptance of the diverse nature of human life. Having a Phd, I
would have thought you might have known that those of us who are not in
therap. professions (ie. those in research) do not have to deal with
non-specialists. Here, I am trying to communicate with real people,
people who have been abused.  Hey, at least I'm _trying.  Do you see any
other psychologists here?  Why do you think that is?

		Chris
From: 00rmosadczuk@bsu-ucs.uucp
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: no green m&m's for me
Date: 10 Apr 92 21:54:28 GMT
Article-I.D.: bsu-ucs.1992Apr10.165428.6112

In article <1992Apr7.180035.16011@midway.uchicago.edu>, gery@midway.uchicago.edu (Black Pearl) writes:
> In article <1992Apr6.195559.2333@acsu.buffalo.edu>, v130py5w@ubvmsc.cc.buffalo.edu (ReNeE) writes:
>> 
>> sorry eveyone about not using the [deleted material] and posting stuff
>> that was way to long. I'll learn to use the [] o.k. so i'm going to go
>> sit in the corner.
>> 
>> peace to all who want it!
>> e-hugs to all who need them!!
>> 
>> ReNeE
>> 
> 
> Aw, come on, you still deserve green m&m's!
> 
> Friends in healing,
> Black Pearl


Yes, you DEFINITELY stiil deserve green m&m's....

In fact, we all do..  (If we want them!)

Love and Freindship,

Ladyhawke
From: asar.196@wpi.wpi.edu (Prisoner)
Subject: Re: Self-esteem and reclaiming my body
Organization: Not the Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 21:48:46 GMT

In article <1992Apr3.182938.1006@reed.edu>
	bob@reed.edu (Robert Ankeney) writes:
>      I've been thinking about self-esteem lately.  And realizing my
> definition has been wrong all these years.

Nathaniel Branden offers the following (paraphrased) definition of
self-esteem:

	Self esteem is the conviction of our appropriateness to
	living and of our worthiness to live our lives. Self
	esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.

I hope you find that useful.


APS-Name: Prisoner
ap.3029@layout.Berkeley.EDU
From: csz55@seq1.keele.ac.uk (Christopher Wrigley)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: sex/power
Date: 13 Apr 92 14:43:23 GMT
Organization: University of Keele, England



=> I'm also hearing drastically different stories coming from
=> Chris and the Health Care Professionals.  My instinct tells me that
=> this is not a distinction between theory and practice, or between
=> therapy and statistical psychology, but between Chris and/or his school
=> and others.  However, that's just my instinct. :)  My intelllect says
=> I personally am outside my area of expertise (they don't cover this
=> in Schenkerian Analysis of Tonality).

What????  

Matt, I'm quite sure that if you appreciated a certain kind of music
that other musicians may not agree with you. I'm quite sure you would
agree with this. Your idea of a 'masterpiece' is not anothers in YOUR
field.  In MY field, the same applies in areas that are only just being
explored, such as our discussions.   I would have thought this to have
been obvious.

Without being nasty, Matthew, I don't think you have a right to judge
myself or other professionals outside your profession who have spent
the majority their lives committed to understanding human behaviour.

		Chris
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery