From: New Liberation News Service <nlns@igc.apc.org>
Subject: NLNS: INS DEPORTS SANTA!!!
Followup-To: alt.activism.d
Originator: daemon@pencil.cs.missouri.edu
Organization: ?
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 13:27:09 GMT

/* Written  9:57 pm  Dec 20, 1992 by nlns@igc.apc.org in igc:nlns.samples */
/* ---------- "NLNS PACKET 3.6 *** 12/11/92" ---------- */
I.N.S. Deports Santa Claus on Christmas Eve
Dr. Art Salzberg, 
News International

(NLNS)--Mr. Santa Claus, well-known international religious figure and 
Christmas-time distributor of toys to children world-wide, was apprehended 
by U.S. immigration authorities and deported to Mexico late on the evening 
of December 24.
	Santa and Mrs. Claus, who had been making toys at the North Pole 
for centuries, had recently relocated to Mexico. Their advancing years, 
rheumatism and proximity to the American children who were the largest 
users of their services, were cited as reasons for the move.
	Santa's toyshop has done very well in Mexico, where Mexicans 
actually respect their senior citizens and life in a small Mexican village, was 
very pleasant for the Clauses.
	On December 24, a new line of toys having been produced, Santa 
loaded the sleigh and harnessed the reindeer, kissed his wife goodbye and 
started off on his appointed Christmas rounds. He proceeded to ascend the 
sky, crossing over the border at San Diego. Mr. Claus noticed that there 
was a border fence, which reminded him of the Berlin Wall of previous 
years, between two supposedly friendly nations, America and Mexico.
	The passage went smoothly for Santa in his first journey over this 
border in North America. After all, it was the night before Christmas and 
good will to all has long been associated with this holiday.
	Unknown to Mr. Claus, his movements were being monitored by 
American immigration authorities. His passage was deemed as highly 
irregular and in violation of the standard border-crossing procedures. All 
persons crossing the border must stop at the American border gates. When 
Santa failed to do so, an alert went out to all police.
	The FBI and other American authorities called into question Mr. 
Clauses identity: was this the same Santa Claus who for centuries had 
entered the USA from the North? Several surveillance aircraft were 
dispatched to track his movements.
	Claus, who had always had a compassionate attitude towards the 
poor, had noticed the increase of homeless families on the streets of wealthy 
San Diego. He had also never forgotten the homeless Mexican farm 
workers who lived in the fields of San Diego County. Giving toys to these 
two groups, as well as many other impoverished children, fulfilled his 
sense of the true meaning of Christmas. Allegedly related to a Prophet from 
Bethlehem whose father was an unemployed carpenter and who himself 
was born in a barn when his parents were turned away from an Inn, Claus 
felt that his mission was to follow in the footsteps of his antecendent and 
become a champion of the poor.
	The United States authorities were befuddled by Santa's comings 
and goings, as he was observed giving away toys and love to one and all 
that evening. Claus was violating the rites of capitalism by not charging for 
the toys. The capitalist "free" market had to prevail in San Diego, even on 
Christmas Eve.
	Claus also aroused suspicion by fraternizing with the Mexican 
farmworkers, speaking with them in Spanish, which he had been learning 
in his new home. The U.S. government subsequently ordered their agents 
to halt what seemed to them to be a "radical" Santa from completing his 
Christmas deliveries to the poor of San Diego.
	Immigration and Naturalization Service (I.N.S) agents apprehended 
Claus as he was delivering some toys in Southeast San Diego. His sleigh 
was forced down in a toxic chemical waste dump. Upon demand to produce 
a passport, Santa claimed he had been a "citizen of the world" from time 
immemorial and that a passport identifying him as being of one nationality 
would be a burden in his profession. Claus also failed to produce a green 
card entitling him to legal residence and the right to work in the United 
States. Claus was placed in handcuffs and shackled as his sleigh and 
reindeer were impounded.
	At an arraignment before an Immigration judge, Santa was found to 
be guilty of illegal entry into the United States. Claus, who refused a court-
appointed attorney who had advised him to plead guilty and throw himself 
on the mercy of the court, cited a centuries-old precedence for his actions as 
he had long been distributing toys to poor children in America and 
elsewhere on Christmas Eve. The Judge, Will B. Grabbing Peoples, a 
Ronald Reagan appointee to the judiciary, made the discovery that Santa had 
made an illegal crossing. The judge found that his political Christmas 
philosophy was tantamount to an alien doctrine of sedition. The sleigh was 
judged to be an illegal flying machine which posed a "clear and present 
danger" to the U.S. air defense system.
	Since Santa was stateless, the court claimed no alternative but to 
deport him to the nation of his choosing. Since Mexico, unlike its northern 
neighbor, has a tradition of accepting individuals who were stateless and 
prosecuted elsewhere, Santa was driven in chains to the Mexican border at 
Tijuana with a busload of other "illegals" and released into Mexico.
	Upon his return to his new home in Mexico, the people there 
welcomed him as a triumphant hero. Many locals expressed the feeling that 
Claus was one of them, that he had joined the ranks of the poor working 
people who were unwelcome in the land to the north, which had originally 
belonged to them before it was taken away over 140 years ago.
	Many American children were unable to receive their customary toys 
and other presents from Santa Claus in 1992, a year which also marks the 
500th anniversary of the start of the European invasion of this ancient 
continent. American children will be hanging up their stockings in vain. The 
spirit of Christmas having been declared contrary to the advance of 
"democracy" and a "free market," Santa has been declared persona non 
grata and has been placed on the list of foreigners who are not allowed to 
enter the United States.

News International can be reached at 6161 El Cajon Blvd. #4, San Diego, 
CA 92115; (619) 696-9351.

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