From: steele@aem.umn.edu (Stephanie Steele)
Subject: Re: Stephanie's drink poem / Marek (Re: the Realm's Defender, absent)
Organization: University of Minnesota
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 00:49:03 GMT

marek@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (Marek Lugowski) writes:

>Stephanie, 

>There is no excuse here for mixing "thine" and "runeth" with "has passed"
>and "has slid".  We are talking lime green lycra and black velvet together.

marek- i happen to wear a little lime green lycra and black velvet
number to cocktail parties out here and get quite a few compliments
on it, especially when i'm lucky enough to have a pair of black
fishnets that aren't falling apart at the seams to complete the
ensemble. i'll admit there aren't many that can pull this look off
though. i'm just lucky i guess.


>Your poem would be much more natural and intimate if the cliche "runeth
>over" and the affected "thine"" were flushed and replaced with cleanly
>flowing langaue of today.  Alternatively, you could have affected the mood

don't you mean with THEE 'cleanly, flowing langaue of today' (sic)?


>of hath and doth and done a decent job of it.

>Other than that, yours is a sunny, gurgling little poem. :)

>				-- Marek

thanks.

sls.
>P.s.  Note that Don stuck to a consistent style, with a questionable
>      "shall" at the end.  A more precise poet would have written "will",
>      in American English.  "Shall" connotes English Majorism in advanced
>      stages -- esp. if you just found out you have nothing cold to
>      drink...  The correct exclamation is "fuck, what will I drink?",
>      followed by, "damn, I shall walk over to the Seven Eleven".


>-------

>In article <steele.722024434@chip.aem.umn.edu> steele@aem.umn.edu (Stephanie Steele) writes:
>>jtrue@acpub.duke.edu (jtrue) writes:
>>
>>(that dz's 'double phallic persona' is away for a week)
>>
>>and p.o't. leaves us with this poem:
>>
>>
>>
>>>Realm in the form of the following poem:
>>
>>>A Moron in Springtime
>>
>>
>>>I crossed a bridge and found upriver
>>>another bridge.  I crossed the bridge
>>>and continued upriver.
>>
>>>Across many bridges I found the head
>>>of this great river in the mountains
>>>fed by mountain snow.
>>
>>>I could not really trust my memory.
>>>Spring could be the first spring ever
>>>here inside the mountains.
>>
>>>I brought lunch in a paper baggy
>>>and on the banks of this great river
>>>I ate my lunch.
>>
>>>I had fish inside my sandwich
>>>chopped up finely for a texture
>>>pleasing to my mouth.
>>
>>>I had water in a thermos,
>>>but it's warm now from the sunlight.
>>>What shall I drink?
>>
>>
>>>Posthumous O'Toole
>>>11/16/92
>>
>>drink the warm sunlight
>>from the water
>>from the cup
>>from your thermos
>>and after the last bit
>>of sun    
>>the last lingering bit
>>of light has passed
>>your lips, tilt 
>>your cup to the sky
>>and drink the glint
>>of blue and white
>>out of the water
>>out of the cup
>>from your thermos
>>and after the last bit  
>>of cloud has slid
>>down your throat
>>tilt your cup
>>to the river
>>until it runneth
>>over and then drink
>>with thine eyes.
>>
>>sls.
>>--
>>
>>=======================================================================
>>			   Stephanie Steele
>>			steele@chip.aem.umn.edu


--

=======================================================================
			   Stephanie Steele
			steele@chip.aem.umn.edu
Newsgroups: rec.arts.poems