HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Subject: Re: GROUP THERAPY
Reply-To: rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov
Organization: Unisys/EPA
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 14:36:38 GMT

You say you have some issues that are surfacing around some of
the behaviors of people that you are in group therapy with.

In the group I participate in we have a contract that we will discuss
group stuff only in group -- we don't talk about group members or
things that came up in group sessions outside of session time.
If some of us are together we don't talk about any of the group members
who aren't there with us at the time.   It is a very challenging contract
to keep  -- especially for me since I grew up with very confused
ideas about boundaries.

I'm wondering what would happen if you talked to the group you're in
about the concerns that you posted here?

And what if you talked to the therapist about the dislike that you have
building up?  

--
Bob Boyd                 
rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov 
Unisys/EPA
From: anon-1326@twwells.com ([nickname])
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: To anon-1374 re: nickname
Date: 8 Nov 92 19:21:01 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I don't know if you've noticed, but your posts to ASAR so far haven't shown
your nickname in the "title bar".  I think that if you want your messages to
show your nickname, you have to start with a line that says:

ANON-Name: [nickname]

Note the capital 'N' in 'Name'.

I had the same problem when I first posted myself.

The Captain



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From: anon-1325@twwells.com (Solace)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: An Ode  /* Possible MAJOR SPOILER!!! */
Date: 9 Nov 92 05:41:39 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


Warning, the following "tribute" is not easy to read...





                 An Ode To My Collective Abuser
             (and Abusers Everywhere and Everywhen)

                            by Solace


     For your tender, loving eyes, which you used to undress 
     me as I walked innocently in your midst; which you used 
     to strip me of my privacy and arouse your passion: 

        I burn them out with the fires of hate in my own!

     For  your  noble  tongue,  which  you  used  to seduce,
     threaten, confuse, deride, shame, frighten  and  caress
     me: 

         I cut it out, with shears of ice from my veins!

     For  your tender mouth and lips, which you used to kiss
     my recoiling skin and suck out my sexual indentity: 

              I sew it shut with needle and thread 
                 drawn from your spineless back!

     For your strong arms  and  hands,  which  you  used  to
     stroke my hair, caress and beat my tender flesh: 

        I amputate them with my vorpal sword of chastity!

     For  your  powerful legs, which pursued me to my hiding
     places and never let me rest: 

               I smash them with rocks of malice!


     And for  your  passionate  loins,  which  you  used  to
     violate  the  sanctity  of  my innocence and destroy my
     life and love: 

              I cut them out with an ax of stone, 
                    cut from your own heart!


                 For all these things and more, 
                     I bury you, my abuser, 
                  in a pit of your own filth...



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: bob@reed.edu (Robert Ankeney)
Subject: Repressed memories - Movie tonight
Organization: Reed College, Portland, OR
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 23:45:58 GMT

     I just noticed that there is a movie tonight with Shelley Long on
TV which apparently is based on a true story.  It is about a woman who
recovers repressed memories of her father killing a friend and takes
the info to the police.  Not sure if I'll be home to watch it though.
     Also on PBS's Frontline, I understand they're going to talk about
the minds of sexual molesters and serial killers.
     Just thought I'd mention it for anyone who is in a space to deal
with these topics.

     Take care,
     Robert
From: rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Fall Poem
Date: 6 Nov 92 19:05:54 GMT
Reply-To: rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov
Organization: Unisys/EPA

Last night on my way home  after group therapy 
I had a beautiful experience -- here is the poem I wrote 
about it:

       Autumn Magic

Clouds low -- Gray Blanket
Leaves dancing -- by the Millions!
Raindrops ... my window

--
Bob Boyd                 
rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov 
Unisys/EPA
From: anon-1357@twwells.com (Silver Tiger)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Solace\reformatting\*SPOILERS*
Date: 8 Nov 92 19:21:42 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


 
*** Possible SPOILER ***






















>As I was installing a new hard drive in my computer yesterday I considered
>as I performed a low-level format, how wonderful it would be to be able
>to reformat my brain, reinstall the system software from the originals
>and wipe away all signs of the "virus" that has plagued my mind for my
>whole life.

>I feel so cold. I haven't been held in the arms of another human being in
>over 30 years. I am so alone, so afraid, like drifting like a stone in
>intergalactic space a billion light-years from anything. I feel so cold.

Solace, I know how you feel.  I have often hoped for amnesia, with no
flashbacks ever.  I am one of those unfortunates who has remembered her
abuse since it happened (at 7-8 years old).  Every day I think of my
perp, and I wonder if I will ever have a day freed from my own mind...

Are you like I am, afraid to approach another human for comfort?  I often
think I "want" a relationship.  I am not that good-looking, so I have to
hunt for it myself...and if the guy even makes the slightest appearance of
liking me, I suddenly feel like a rabbit on a highway at night...
"OH no, if this goes on soon we'll be kissing, then who knows what..and
I am very scared, still, of "who knows what"."  I begin to not like the
guy anymore.  I distance myself.  Then I go home at night, alone, and
get depressed.  In fact, my perfect relationship would be to find someone
who just wanted to cuddle.  :)  Not in this world, I think.

Take care of yourselves,

Silver Tiger



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From: dmw1@Ra.MsState.Edu (Dianna Michael White)
Subject: Re: Repressed memories - Movie tonight
Organization: Mississippi State University
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 15:09:38 GMT

I saw some "experts" discussing the actual case that movie is based on one
day on TV

I think one must have been from the FMS society...I don't remember what her
credentials were or even who she was, she may have been the attorney

but they had two people...one who was discrediting the daughter..and the other
was backing her up.

I remember this cuz i got so mad. :)

-dianna

--
*------------------------------------------*------------------------*
|I I love love double double chex chex     | It's never too late to |
|better better than than the the rest rest!| have a happy childhood.|
*------------------------------------------*------------------------*
From: anon-1318@twwells.com (Free Amazon)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: For Ed/not a flame/an observation
Date: 11 Nov 92 05:15:42 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Ed,

Teressa's not the only one who has been bothered by your responses. I 
hope you can hear what she's said.

Some people who read asar are much more sensitive to your remarks than 
others depending on where they are in their recovery.

I have hesitated pointing out the things that you say that bother me 
(and there are many) because I didn't want to presume too much as a 
newcomer to the group, but it's obviously a problem.

Your behavior shows a marked lack of sensitivity in many cases. Perhaps 
that is due to a lack of understanding survivor issues or your own 
issues but in any case the effect is the same. It hurts.

I will have to assume that your motives are good as I don't have 
experience of you that tells me they're not. But I, for one, would be 
most grateful if you'd be more careful what you say. It *feels* abusive 
to me.

This is not a flame. This stuff is very scary. People are hurt by words 
all the time. I don't want you to hurt but I would like you to stop 
hurting- in both the ways that sentence can be read.

Please consider your answers carefully.
I think this is pretty important.

Free Amazon




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From: stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: anti-depressants and creativity
Date: 6 Nov 92 18:40:54 GMT
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group

I have found that being depressed has greatly affected my creativity.  I'm
in an engineering job which demands very high levels of creativity & my
performance over the past year and a half has suffered.

During periods of mild depression I have been able to accomplish day to day
tasks and `fire-drill' type stuff where I'm given something to be done in a 
rush.  But in terms of my main taks of developing new and better ways of doing
things, I'm not very productive.

Just processing all the stuff from childhood sexual abuse has taken almost all
of my energy.  

Kind of off the subject, but your mention of creativity really struck me cause 
this is something I've been really struggling with.

--
Fare Well

Mike Stoughton
stote@den.mmc.com
From: anon-1229@twwells.com (Little boy)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Religion
Date: 13 Nov 92 15:46:23 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


>
>M. Scott Peck, in _The Road Less Traveled_, reminds us to keep in mind the 
>fact that _everyone_ has a religion. Keeping this in mind, do you think 
>what you have faith in can be termed a religion? (Notice that the 
>"religion" most people are disgusted withis _blind faith_.)

This is a crock.  Scott Pecker can tell us anything he likes.  He's a 
friggin minister, so don't expect to get any great objective revelations 
from him.  "_Everyone_" does not have a religion.  Actually the much if not
most of humanity have _no_ religion, thank you kindly.  For those of you 
who walk the blissful trail of mysticism and medieval rituals, great if 
it does something for you.  But please don't try to speak for those of us 
who have no use for religion *or* "spirituality" (Christianity parading in 
the guise of "non-sectarianism").

Oh, and Father Fucking Porter can go fuck himself and die.

-LittleBoy



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From: eoliver@acc.haverford.edu (Erik Oliver)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: RELIGION
Date: 10 Nov 92 20:15:37 GMT
Organization: Haverford College
X-Xxmessage-Id: <A72582D9E201B340@csserver.cs.haverford.edu>
X-Xxdate: Tue, 10 Nov 92 15:16:41 GMT
X-Useragent: Nuntius v1.1.1d12

I have also found my religion inspiring and a powerful force in my
healing.  As a practicing witch (wiccan), I have found my spiritual
strength has enabled me to overcome many barriers.  Additionally, the
additional psychological benefit of using magik and understanding it has
helped me feel more secure.

-Erik
anon-1312@twwells.com
eoliver@acc.haverford.edu
From: anon-1361@twwells.com (Michelle)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: test
Date: 10 Nov 92 17:49:20 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Sorry, one more test.



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From: anon-1323@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Blackness
Date: 7 Nov 92 20:02:46 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

I feel lousey now.  I have been reading the articles from ASAR and I feel 
sad and hurt for all those who hurt.  I feel so ashamed for what has been 
done to me.  I realized, last night, how long ago it happened.  It is still 
with me.  I am a christian and I wonder why God has kept me around so long. 
Its not like he coundn't have taken me before this.  I feel like a lousey 
christian for thinking like this, I also don't feel like a christian 
sometimes.  I need the love and acceptance of God but I am so ugly inside.  
I feel the complete blackness of my soul.  It hurts.  It is hurting me and 
I can not do anything about it.  I want to jack off.  I want to eat to fill
the emptyness inside.  I can't do anything right.  I have so much to do and
I can't do any of it.  Help!  Please!  I can't consentrate.  My mind has 
been swimming for the past month.
I feel like I am giving into everthing and everyone that comes my way.  
These feelings of wanting some kind of sex as if it would make me feel any 
better.  It would not.  I don't want to feel this.  It is so disgusting.
I want to go and hide and go to sleep.  Maybe even fade to black.
I just wish I didn't fell like there was someone kicking me in the 
stomache.  Damn, I hate the "poor me" syndrome.  I am not worth it.  I have 
wished that I could die, but I was struck by a thought that It would not 
make it easier on anyone and in fact much harder on others.  I just can't 
stop the feelings.  Please take them away, I just want to rest.  I am
sorry for all of this.  I don't think that I can be forgiven for this, 
though.  Is this my fault?  I have been told that it is not, but I am not 
convinced.  Being judge and jury is so easy.  Just condemn yourself and it 
will be clean and quick.  I wish I could scream.  I can't.  I am unable to 
scream.  I can talk.  I can sing,somethimes.  I can't scream.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
(I can type, though :.))


                  Sorry Again,
                  Broken Ropes



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From: anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: none
Date: 11 Nov 92 23:18:53 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I finally took some action and wrote my counselor a letter about the breach
of confidentiality.  I didn't realize until today that he had an email
account.... oops!  I prefer communicate with him over the email network
because our intra-campus mail can be very unreliable....

So far my counselor hasn't replied yet.  I'll make sure to tell all of you
what he had to say when I get a reply.  For some reason, I'm afraid that he's
going to try to deny that it was a breach of confidentiality, just in the
same way my dean tried to do so.

The whole thing really bothers me because I feel a lot like I did when I was
molested by my brother.  I mean, I trusted in him and had that trust
violated.  Also, I feel like I had chances during my sessions with him to
bring this up, as well as the other misgivings I have about him, but that I
didn't capitalize on any of these opportunities.  

When my brother molested me, I would tell myself every time that if he ever
tried it again, I would confront him and put a stop to it (remember, my
brother would molest me thinking I was asleep and unaware of what was going
on).  However, the next time my brother would begin to molest me, I chickened
out and felt too powerless to do anything about it.  I always felt guilty
about myself for having done that.  Likewise, the day after I found out my
confidentiality had been violated, I had a meeting with my counselor (this
had already been scheduled).  I told my counselor that I had had a bad day
the previous day, and was going to tell him that I was angry because I found
out my confidentiality had been violated.  Instead, I started talking about
other things that had happened to me, and never got around to talking about
the breach of confidentiality.  I was pissed at myself for not confronting
him right then and there.

There are some times when I just feel like the biggest coward.... :-(

The Captain



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields)
Subject: Re: teachers and scool
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 15:20:32 GMT


An interesting post.  Unfortunately we are still working with the legacy
of Reaganomics, The Education President, and Family Values.  Let's see
what happens now.
From: anon-1383@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: White Trash.....
Date: 12 Nov 92 01:13:13 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


Hello, everybody.......I am wondering how many people grew up with what
they consider to be white trash....don't send me stuff of how class-
conscious I am being or anything, I just wanna hear from people who
consider that they grew up as white trash as I did, not from those who
don't.

I remember in the rural community in which I grew up that everybody used
to make fun of me because I was white trash, they never came out and actually
said it, but looking back, we were the trash of the town.

The funny thing is my mother used to call other people/families the trash
of the town, but in retrospect, they were much less so than us.  Perhaps
for her it was a defense mechanism to call other people that.

I wanna here about your experiences growing up in a white trash abusive
family situation.  Betchya our stories will be very similar.  If you have
problems posting to me directly, post on the system, then ALL can read,
as they say, the more the merrier.....

NOW SEND THOSE EXPERIENCES!!!!

Apple



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: faype@bcvms.bc.edu
Subject: Re: help, please!!!
Organization: Boston College
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 14:52:02 GMT

In article <1992Nov5.163213.20369@yang.earlham.edu>, sarahb@yang.earlham.edu writes:
> told by a friend that a mutual friend of ours confided in him that she was 
> seriously thinking about suicide. She even planned what she would do. Part 

> reconsider. How do I help her without admitting that I know all she has said?
> I really want to help....

Well, in my view, when it comes to losing a life, confidentiality goes out the
window.  Besides, it sounds like you never made any promise of confidentiality
to this woman, so how are you violating it?  Seems like you have several 
options:

	- tell your friend that if he doesn't get her to tell a therapist,
		or crisis counselor, or doesn't intervene himself, then you
		will.
	- skip that and just report it to the nearest mental health services
		(at her school, or just a crisis center)
	- don't do anything and hope she doesn't kill herself

The last option would be a major drag for you to live with if you lose the
bet.  Not to mention a major drag for the woman.  I wouldn't recomend it.

Last year at the school I was working a student hung himself.  He had told
some of his friends he wanted to do it.  He did.  Take it seriously and worry
about regaining her trust and appologizing for violating her privacy later.

-pete
From: anon-1289@twwells.com (Richard K)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: >RELIGION
Date: 12 Nov 92 01:37:33 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

anon-1366@twwells.com writes:


>Has anyone here found that religion has helped you through your
>ordeal(s) insofar as the abuse is concerned??


Yes, but my view of my experience is a little more than what I would
regard as 'religion'.

In recent times, things have been reaching a point where I have felt
the need to set it all down to get on with the next phase. I have a
feeling that my decades-old suppression is about to break down, as
the healing process continues to soften me. With the recent posts to
asar mentioning religion, I thought it might be of value to some of
us here on the fringe of the group. I know I might have vaguely
touched on it in some of my individual mailing.

I finally started at the keyboard last night and stopped at 4:30 a.m.
this morning when I thought I should get a couple of hours sleep
before getting on with my day. It was quite an experience, being
able to stop for a short cry every now and then. It's not finished
yet. It will take at least one more session, when I bring myself
to do that. I know it has to be soon.

I will be handing it to my pastor when it's done. He knows nothing
about this part of my life, but I feel the need to spell some of it out
so that when and if I reach a point where I can accept his specialist
counselling or assistance he will be ready. So it will be couched in
that context. If you think it could be useful, I might post it to asar
with an appropriate ***spoiler***. Don't get me wrong ... I'm not
promising to post it ... just if I feel I can make it this public. If
I do, it will probably come unedited. Is that ok??

Richard



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