From: Claudio.Terrorist@ed.ac.uk (ObTerrorist)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: National Situational Awareness Day
Date: 22 Jul 92 09:57:00 GMT
Reply-To: Claudio.Terrorist@ed.ac.uk (ObTerrorist)
Organization: The Exploding Hot Drink


I don't know what happened yesterday, but some BDI must have decided
it was "National low-SAQ day" or something. Maybe they called it
"The Intellectual Heritage of The Royal Family" or some such.

The sort of day in which every single null-SAQ person who normally
doesn't even leave home because can't find the door is pushed on the
street and left there to see what happens.

The morning started almost normally, with just more than the usual
share of BDDs. But around 7:35 I've seen the first one. A BDC (Brain
Dead Cyclist) just zig-zagged out of home two inches in front of me.
Now, I do expect this from a car, because car drivers same to have
selective vision and they only notice what's bigger and/or heavier.
I've seen cyclist do it to cars, because they want to point out their
right to a share of the street and a place in the graveyard. But
to another cyclist... what's the point?

To further demonstrate his SAQ, he loudly blamed me for cycling in
the same city as he was (guilty as charged), then had an argument
over right of way with an oak, managed to lose it, and repeated
the same with a 18-wheeler. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to
help with an ObBomb. Still the overall effect was quite good.

I will spare you the Volvo driver wearing a hat, and similar niceties
because you can guess it all.

Next scene is in HP cafeteria. No comments on the food, so I spare
wear and tear on your keyboard to disagree with my tastes. There is
a single tap for drinking water. Somebody stopped there to fill
eighteen glasses for herself only, then decided it's be a very good
idea to stop there and chat with somebody else.

Being rude, I decided to just start filling a glass pretending I haven't
seen her (that's quite an achievement, even with my eyes closed :-), and
hoping that she gets the hint. She doesn't. Well, she *does* move away 
from the tap, but carefully installs herself precisely behind the next
person filling the glass, where he can't see her, therefore spilling all
the water the very seconds he turns to go away.

I've seen her also parked where people should get the cutlery, still
chatting with the same person. Don't they realise that it is dangerous
to do such things where there is a full assortment of knives available
for use?

I went away, and decided to go to Sainsbury's(*) just across the road.
There I see a shop-assistant (that's a contradiction in terms isn't it?)
arriving with a trolley full of goods and spectacularly crash at high-speed
in the wall just next to the door.

I fight my way through the old aged people who sit in the aisles and read
newspapers, ignore their complaints that "seventy years ago supermarket
were a lot quieter and the traffic of trolleys and hand-baskets wasn't
as bad as today", take what I want and go to the checkouts. Of the
many "8 items or less" lines, only one is open, with a long queue of
numerically-challenged people with precisely 11 items each.

But, just as I arrive, another checkout opens. Without thinking twice,
I go there... to find a casher who can't read. Honest. He is able to
scan the goods, but that's about all. He looks at me waiting for me
to do something. "3.04" says the display. I hand him a 10 pounds note.

Cashier who can't read: "How much is that?"
Me: "Ten pounds"
CWCR: "Really?"
M: "It's written here. Also, here, here and here"
CWCR: "Maybe. I've got to call a supervisor"

[ minutes go away and will never come back ]

Supervisor: "What's wrong with this 10 pounds note?"
CWCR: "I don't know. I didn't know it was a 10 pounds note"
S: "Well, it is"

[ supervisor goes away, CWCR copies the figures "1" "0" "." "0" "0" on
his keyboard. Display says: "Change: 7.96" ]

CWCR: "It says 6.79 pounds change, doesn't it?"
M: "It says 7.96"
CWCR: "I've got to ask a supervisor"

.. and so on. He didn't manage to shortchange me, but that required the
intervention of three supervisors and about five hours.

Oh, almost forgot.

ObPeeve. My bike broke on the way back home.

(*) Sainsbury's. You know all about PeevaCentre. They claim to be
"The Sainsbury's Hypermarket". The real meaning is that Sainsbury's
is a PeevaCentre in the small - more peeves packed in a smaller space.

--
The ObTerrorist