From: dsew@troi.cc.rochester.edu (David Sewell)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Canonical Woodchuck #2
Date: 19 Nov 92 02:38:53 GMT
Article-I.D.: galileo.1992Nov19.023853.10413
Organization: University of Rochester - Rochester, New York

In <98247@netnews.upenn.edu> weemba@sagi.wistar.upenn.edu (Matthew P Wiener) writes:

>I recall a Best-Of-Oracle r.h.f woodchucker question-and-answer
>involving the supplicant being slowly warned against something,
>and being committed to the funny farm, repeatedly asking the
>woodchuck question.
>-- 
Yep.  The following should be added to canonical #2.  Going to have
to add some AI to my fuzzy text searches to translate "network
work" = "woodchuck chuck" etc.  And this was one of the best.

--- 338-04 00339 4.4 -----------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: nolan@helios.unl.edu (Harold the Foot)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh, All-Knowing, Master of all which is Oracular, Please tell me
>
> How much work would a network work if a network could network?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "Come with me, my child. Give me your hand."
}
} "Where are we going?"
}
} "I am going to show you the answer to your question."
}
} "Where is the answer?"
}
} "At the end of this hallway. Come."
}
} "Is it far?"
}
} "Not very far. Just past these doors. But you must promise not to
} open the doors into any of the rooms."
}
} "Why?"
}
} "Behind these doors are very unpleasant sights. There are people who
} have lost their minds."
}
} "How did that happen?"
}
} "There are many paths that lead to the same place. Behind this door is
} a man who cannot speak, except to whisper, 'How many charts would a
} flowchart flow, if a flow chart could flow charts?'"
}
} "How terrible!"
}
} "And over here is a woman, a mother of three small children, whose
} mind has seized on a question and will not let go."
}
} "What is that question?"
}
} "'How many pounds would a footpound pound, if a footpound could pound
} pounds?'"
}
} "But what does that mean?"
}
} "No! Never ask yourself that! It leads to madness."
}
} "Where do these questions come from?"
}
} "They are the bastard spawn of an unholy union between a woodchuck
} and the demons of hell."
}
} "How do they get inside someone's head?"
}
} "I will not even speak of the mantra to you, my innocent. But I warn
} you: do not search for the answer, for it will find you."
}
} "Who is behind this door?"
}
} "One who muses, 'How much news would new taxes tax, if new taxes knew
} tax news?'"
}
} "I am beginning to see. It begins as a word game, doesn't it?"
}
} "So it is said."
}
} "You just pick a word, any word, like 'synod.' And spin out the
} question. 'How many nods would a synod sin, if a synod could sin nods?'
} This is what happens, is it not?"
}
} "I am afraid so."
}
} "Why, it's quite fun. And quite harmless. How can one be so foolish
} as to become obsessed with such nonsense?"
}
} "There is no fool but whose folly seems wisdom."
}
} "What a dreary hallway you are leading me down. How many ways would
} a hallway weigh, if a hallway could weigh ways?"
}
} "I beg you, for the last time, do not ask such questions."
}
} "You are much too serious a person, I think. How much work would a
} network work if a network could network?"
}
} "We are almost there, my child."
}
} "Wait a moment. I'm serious. How much work would a network work if a
} network could network?"
}
} "Here is the room. The answer to your question lies in here."
}
} "I don't want to know the answer to that question. I can barely
} remember that question. I want to know how much work would a network
} work if a network could network?"
}
} "The answer to that question, too, lies in here. Enter."
}
} "Where? Where is the answer? There's nothing here but a bed and a
} window, high up on the wall. What will tell me the answer?"
}
} "I must go now."
}
} "Wait! Don't close the door! You must tell me. How much work would
} a network work if a network could network?"
}
} "Goodbye, my child. I am....very sorry."
}
} "Don't leave. Or go. Go if you must! But first, tell me, how much work
} would a network work if a network could network?"
}
} "Goodbye."
}
} "How much work would a network work if a network could network? How
} much work would a network work if a network could network?....
}
} "Oracle?....
}
} "....ORACLE....!"