From: alberti@ux.acs.umn.edu (Theresa J Alberti)
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks
Subject: Re: Guilt & weight
Date: 15 Oct 92 20:14:55 GMT
Organization: Authors With Twins
Originator: alberti@staff.tc.umn.edu

In <93076@netnews.upenn.edu> crawford@ben.dev.upenn.edu (Lauren L. Crawford) writes:

>In article <1992Oct4.005824.10933@ucsu.Colorado.EDU> davis@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Barbara Davis) writes:
>>
>>I think you are right.  We fat people aren't supposed to be happy and
>>well adjusted.  And a woman like me who is not dieting and has no
>>intention of diets, and who feels quite beautiful and sexy; is 
>>particularly hard to take for people who need someone to feel
>>superior to.
>>
>>Incidently, since I started feeling wonderful about myself, I find
>>I am attracting people to me.  I expect soon to have a man in my
>>life who is nuts about me.  

>Boy, is this refreshing!  I'm so glad I discovered this group.  And what
>you're describing here is exactly what has been happening to me ... after
>years of yo-yo dieting, I finally quit about two years ago, convinced that
>it was only damaging.  I _am_ interested in stopping eating compulsively,
>but as long as I'm focused on thinness, I know I'm off track.

>At any rate, I found exactly the same response you describe here:  I
>started attracting men to me as I became more content in myself.  I'm now
>seriously dating someone, who in the past disliked overweight (he's very
>fit) but has done a 180-degree turnaround, which probably astonishes him
>more than I even know.  He's extremely supportive, thinks I'm wonderful
>whether or not I ever lose weight, finds me attractive, sexy, etc.  After
>a lifetime of believing no man could ever really feel this way about me,
>I'm finding it liberating to see the other side.  


It makes me feel so much stronger and confident reading these two posts--
women allowing themselves to feel beautiful and acceptable, no matter
what their shape or size is.  When I married my husband I was of average
weight but still weight preoccupied and yo-yoing.  Three years (and a set of
twins) later, I'm 60 lbs heavier.  In a sense I feel my weight and refusing
to diet is my way to say "fuck you" to a culture that refuses to acknowledge
beauty in any form but one.  But it is only recently that I'm allowing myself
to be happy at this weight.  Because of health problems caused by the weight
(a pinched nerve, foot problems), I would evenutally like to attains a 
lesser weight, but I'm not rushing myself.  Pressure has not worked in the past.
I know that my essential journey now is to come to love, appreciate and
nurture myself today.  With all those negative voices from the past in my head,
this isn't an easy task.

My husband too is extremely understanding.  I'm touched that he finds me        
beautiful, just the way I am, and says it often (something I wish my mother
could have said to me as a teenager).  He really tries to understand the
reasons I use food.  I wish every woman could have this experience!  It is
so common for weight to become an issue in relationships, because it's so
culturally ingrained.

I'm curious about the two women in this post (and anyone else who is finding
themselves beautiful at last):  How did you start to feel this way?
What events led up to it?  Do you still find yourself getting down in the
dumps about being large sometimes, or are you able to toss it off easily?

--Theresa Jarosz Alberti
-- 
--                                                                          --
Theresa Jarosz Alberti                      Writer/Mother of Twins=Overworked!
     "You have to let writing eat your life and follow it where it takes  you.
You fit into it;  it doesn't fit neatly  into your life.   It makes  you wild.  
Kate said... to the outside world she looked normal...  how could she work all 
day, have a baby and write?  She wanted it bad; that's what finally moves you,
not how it will conveniently fit in with the rest of your life." (N. Goldberg)
Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks