From: webber@world.std.com (Robert D Webber)
Subject: Re: People are People (Re: ISO Bi-Fem and Girlfriend)
Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1992 06:53:12 GMT

In article <DMASON.92Oct3120231@plg.plg.uwaterloo.ca> dmason@plg.uwaterloo.ca (Dave Mason) writes:
> I don't understand what's going on here.

No offense intended, but I think you are correct there.  Of course,
everybody posting has her or his own idea of what's going on, so probably
trying to figure it out is worthwhile.  As one of the people already
in this thread I feel you've misrepresented my opinions, so I'm going
to reply here.  If people don't want to read this they can use kill
files, but I think I'd better try again to make my point clear.

> What I read is Muffy saying, ``I find some people attractive, but I
>don't usually want to jump their bones until I get to know them a
>little bit, find them interesting & feel that they find *ME*
>interesting.''  She's also not usually interested if someone wants her
>because some tiny subset of her characteristics pushes the other
>person's button.

I think that if you read her postings carefully, Muffy says that in
some way people finding her attractive on first meeting actively
turns her off.  Presumably this must be only if she believes/percieves
they find her attractive for the wrong reasons or express it the wrong
way, since her present SO would not likely have talked with her for
five or six hours if he didn't find her attractive (to talk to, at
least) in some way.

> The other people in the thread (apparently all guys) seem to be
>saying, ``If I meet you and 30 seconds later want to have sex with
>you, that's because I'm taking everything into consideration: 1)
>you're female, 2) I have the hots for you, 3) you're poly, so I don't
>have to worry about SO problems, 4) Ummm....''

I don't see where you get this, or only see it vaguely.  Speaking
for myself, I can be attracted to people very quickly after meeting
them or even on seeing them.  That's attraction in the most general
sense, though, and most often ends up with me trying to get to
know the person behind the attractiveness.

If I meet a woman and 30 seconds later want to have sex with her
it's because I find her sexually very attractive.  That doesn't
prevent my wanting to know her in other ways, nor does it lead
to my assuming that I am even going to touch that woman without
knowing her better in other ways.

And incidentally, "...you're poly, so I don't have to worry about
SO problems..." is not something that would likely occur to me.  "SO
problems" don't go away just because somebody has more than one
SO, after all!  Either the person stimulates sexual desires in
me at some point in our relationship, or the person doesn't.  We're
just talking desire, here, not realization.

> I guess I'm weird.  96% of my daydreams are not about ``great legs''
>or ``making it with two bi babes''...

You know, by putting it that way you make it look like someone has
come out and confessed having 96% of their daydreams be about one
of those subjects.  Nobody has.  I like looking at "great legs,"
but I don't fantasize about it, unless it's about having legs
like them myself.

> I guess I'm weird.  When I meet people, I find them interesting as
>people.  I don't expect to play genital games with many people, so I
>don't much worry whether they have genitals that I am interested in
>playing with. ...

Again, nobody has claimed to differ from you significantly in that.

> If later on I get really close to them and they happen
>to have male genitalia, then it just removes a few things that we
>could do to pass the time & get closer.  A shame, but not really very
>important.
...
>
>BTW, I'm not trying to inflame people.  Just calling it as I see it.
>Feel free to flame me, but mail is probably better... no reason to
>waste everyone else's time.

I hope that you don't consider this a flame.  It's really hard to
not post a response after reading a posting that seems to attribute
opinions to me that I actually disagree with.

Bob


-- 
Bob Webber, webber@world.std.com ===========================================
==========================================================  Laurie Anderson:
Our plan is to drop odd objects onto your country from the air.  And some
of these objects will be useful, and some of them will just be odd.
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory