From: sclaus@cold.north.pole.inc (Santa Claus)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade,alt.best.of.internet
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Date: 12 Dec 92 01:52:17 GMT
Organization: North Pole Fun Factory

jbii@HDFS1.acd.com ( John O. Bell II ) writes:
|> >> Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
|> >> 
|> >> Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
|> >> 
|> >> HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my Timex
|> >> Top THAT!
|> >> 
|> >> I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.
|> >> 
|> >> Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on my S
|> >> game.
|> >> 
|> >> I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX Mailer
|> >> Game-Boy.
|> >> I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the rep
|> >> However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large dri
|> >> slowing it down.
|> >> 
|> >> I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The batter
|> >> calculator-watch are running out.
|> >> 
|> >> My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the lig
|> >> ONE would be getting news...
|> >> 
|> >> Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA contract
|> >> my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm ALSO
|> >> shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between comm
|> >> Beat THAT!
|> >> 
|> >> Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system out
|> >> inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime
|> >> calculations of particle vectors during the Big Bang. A comple
|> >> simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the universe, a
|> >> to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
|> >> 
|> >> And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last hal
|> >> getting X11 to run on my slide rule.  I am still having problem
|> >> connecting it to the net around here, but I would welcome any
|> >> suggestions.
|> >> 
|> >> So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds off
|> >> paperclip.  Not to mention the fact that I am designing a new fo
|> >> television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue paper.
|> >> 
|> >> Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator utili
|> >> matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating every
|> >> the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large glass
|> >> 
|> >> Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this very
|> >> raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, wh
|> >> at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
|> >> Pentium.
|> >> 
|> >> And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in
|> >> which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes (To se
|> >> would happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an interesting
|> >> hardware consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With it, I
|> >> real-time simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
|> >> 
|> >> You guys are wimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave oven
|> >> paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm having s
|> >> that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it raw
|> >> 
|> >> Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
|> >> negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which i
|> >> currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6 per pi
|> >> was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your microwave's c
|> >> panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat Arthur was FTPing
|> >> of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741 A.D
|> >> the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built for him, and this ma
|> >> been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My sincere apologies to eve
|> >> noticed any performance degradation.
|> >> 
|> >> Damn, I thought I was doin' smoe really advanced R&D. But I only have
|> >> humble feather pen with build in spell checking. It checks all languag
|> >> since Adam & Eve plus a few forthcoming languages. But after what I've
|> >> here, thats not good enough for a Nobel Price..I have to work harder..
|> >> Maybe some of the languages from outer space will help ?? I just have
|> >> use my FingerNail Time&Universe Transporter(tm) to get there and learn
|> >> 
|> >> You're all a bunch of lazy pseudo-programmers. When you have, as I, set
|> >> up an entire University Unix net (with Mail, IRC, more than 2 MUDs, ano-
|> >> nymous ftp, etc etc etc etc etc ) on a Turing Machine, we'll talk.
|> >> 
|> >> Hahaha! Fools! You think that's impressive? I've wired together every
|> >> computer on the Internet with Quantum-Thin Wire (tm), and programmed it
|> >> to act like a really big abacus. Running 8 x 10^100^10^10^10^4
|> >> calculations a millisecond, I hope to solve the equation 5x = 10
|> >> by sometime next week. Now _that's_ progress.
|> >> 
|> >> Then how about this I've constructed the first computer ever made of one
|> >> single Hydrogen atom. There are a couple of advantages with it; 1. it can
|> >> be inhaled for transport; 2. it relies entirely on voice-detecting for inp
|> >> and a hologram for output (that was the tricky part), and 3. it creates
|> >> two copies of itself every second, allowing for multiple processes! I'm
|> >> speaking this reply right now to a cloud in front of me, using a Voice
|> >> Detection version (mine, really) of X-Windows in 3D. NEXT!
|> >> 
|> >> All accomplishments pale beside mine Managed to re-write DOS 5.0 so that
|> >> it breaks the the 640K barrier.
|> >> 
|> >> Oh yeah?  Well...well...I've got an AMIGA!  BWAHAHAHA!
|> >> 
|> >> heh.... and here, I've spent the last somewhere between 9 to 20 billion years
|> >> developing a system to simulate everything we can see.... I call it
|> >> "the universe"
|> >> beat that!
|> >
|> > He......I just taught Sylvestor Stallone how to act.> 
|> 
|>   Hmpf... I just convinced IBM that the world doesn't revolve around them.

HoHoo... I just convinced all the German skinheads to bake apple
strudel pastries for all their foreign immigrant friends :^)> !!!
Newsgroups: rec.humor