From: j_babylo@oz.plymouth.edu (Jessica L. Babylon)
Subject: Re: Sexual consent (Was: Roy's "consenting" slave)
Summary: One more for ya
Organization: Plymouth State College - Plymouth, NH.
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 93 14:06:02 GMT

In article <1993Jan3.180813.23665@midway.uchicago.edu> h431@midway.uchicago.edu writes:
>In article <1h3qciINNb4c@agate.berkeley.edu> mlloyd@ocf.berkeley.edu (M. Lloyd) asks about how to expand the "right to say no" territory:
>>
>>Sure is.  Found any good routes, other than the self-defence course?  I
>>don't want to learn agression (that's not what self-defence is about, I
>>know), so I will have nothing to do with the Fierceness brigade, and
>>their Warrior archetype.  The very concept makes me sick.  Still, a
>>little ability to hold fast when a confrontation, a "no", is required
>>would be rather useful.
>>
>
>Family (or couples) therapy was the other one.  Self-defense is useful for
>learning physical techniques against physical aggression, so when Senator
>Packwood stands on your feet, grabs you by the hair and kisses you, you'll
>know how to get out of that hold and fight him. (for example).  But a lot
>of the nay-saying territory I've been trying to expand is the ability to
>tell people things that I'm afraid they aren't going to like very much
>possibly to the point of yelling and screaming and vicious name-calling.
>(Or being cast out of their lives forever).  This has taken lots and lots
>of practice, and I've been a much quicker student in the business realm
>than in the personal.
>
>Business example:  I asked a professor to redirect his phone
>calls when I was talking to him.  I was afraid he'd get pissed, but I
>asked it, and he did it - rather amiably.
>
>Personal example:  I'm working up to telling my ex-girlfriend not to say
>certain nasty things about my love-life, past or present.  I haven't done
>this yet, and I'm real scared, but I think I will when I form the request
>in an appropriate way.
> 
>>[Bi-relevance is clearly nil, directly.  I happen to think that several
>>people I know on this group want to know about this, though, so I'm
>>unsure what to do.  We can go to email, or land in another group, but I
>>see disadvantages either way.  At least I'm asking Heather, who must
>>hold the record for Best-Posts-In-Least-Words, and has held it for some
>>time.]
>
>Aww, shucks.
>>
>>Mike, who finds there is no contest whatsoever between Wimp and Warrior,
>>but would like to take a few excess out of the wimpishness
>
>But, Mike, think of this as assertiveness.  It actually cuts way, way, down
>on one's desire to do violence to somebody.  If you can stand up to people,
>tell them what you fear they won't want to hear, make them see that you are
>deadly serious, while being rational and polite, you'll find that your desire
>to flatten their noses has diminished.
>
Interjection if i may:  ASSERTIVENESS is awesome if you have had a bit
of training in Straight Talk which is a program i went through at my
High School that taught students to use "I" messages (instead of "you
make me feel like sh*t..."I feel really bad when you act like that
because..." ) it was really helpful in confrontation situations...with
parents, teachers, and peers specially...i worked for some people once
who taught straight talk (married couple...great people) and i learned
even more from them..if there is a program around that teaches
that(Twae Kon Do is a good idea too:) you might do well to check into
it...a great way to find the assertive person in you and learn how to
use assertiveness in the most accurate way possible...

- Me
>
>
>-- 
>
>- Heather Blair       h431@midway.uchicago.edu


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