From: peregrin@husc14.harvard.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: EXPECTATIONS AND IDEALISM
Date: 12 Jan 93 16:45:37 GMT
Organization: Harvard Business School

(Marie Silveira) writes:
> From my experience most men are just naturally unromantic.  ]
> I know what you mean about not wanting to come out and tell him what you
> want.  If you had to tell him, it wouldn't be romamtic, right?

	Are men supposed to be romantic?  Are people in general
supposed to be romantic?  Is it a fault against a person if they are
not romantic?  Is it a fault against a person if they can't dance?
Is romance an essential part of every relationship, or is it like
hot fudge on a ice cream?

> I don't know what you can do about it.  I tried hinting things to my
> ex-boyfreind, and he never got the hint.

	I think some people choose to ignore hints.  They feel as if it
would make them appear to be something they are not.

>         How do you tell a guy that an occasional flower or card for no
> apparent reason would make your day?

	I used to believe that this was what I was supposed to do.  I
used to believe that is was expected in maintaining a relationship.  Now
I believe that unless the other person also sends me the occasional card
or flower (or manly equivalent :-)), I won't go out of my way to do something
I don't necessarily feel.  No more one-side male-expected romance from me.

> Maybe just going out to dinner at
> a decent restaurant once in awhile...nothing fancy, just not McD's.

	I do the best I can with the money I have.  If I'm trying to make
this month's rent without having to do a credit card cash advance, then
McD's it is.  If I can postpone buying a new tie so that I can celebrate
the end of a hard work week, I will spend what I have so that we can both
enjoy a comfortable dinner.  Nothing sucks worse (maybe some things do)
than sitting through a dinner that you can't afford (or to quote Bush,
"isn't prudent").

>         Luckily I've found the type of  guy I've aways dreamed of.

	Just make sure you don't loose sight of the guy.  Some people
start thinking of their SO as "the-guy/gal-I've-always-dreamed-of", and
not "Good ol' Bill who occasionally scratches himself".

> He had no clue what to get me for Christmas, and I had no clue what to
> get him.  We haven't been going out that long, so we didn't wabt to get
> anything too personal.  Well, I ended up telling him what I wanted, and
> he liked what I got him, But what made it so special was the card he
> gave me.  He got one of those blank cards that you can write in, and he
> wrote a poem to me about how he feels for me.  I thought it was very
> romamntic, and it really touched my heart.
> 

	Cool.  I worry, however, when people start thinking, "Here I have
romance in my hands [the above card] and now I am happy," instead of "Here
I have someones deep feelings about me in this card."

-James
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