From: dcroz@twics.co.jp
Newsgroups: soc.culture.japan
Subject: Not a Myth at All
Date: 19 Dec 92 21:35:13 GMT
Organization: TWICS, Tokyo, Japan

David Luke (luke@wombat.ee.byu.edu) writes:
 
>>In article <RHB.92Dec12184144@world.std.com> rhb@world.std.com (Robert H
>>Brueckner) writes:
 
>>=}But with Japanese people I do notice that it is very difficult to get into
>>=}a Japanese conversation at all with them.  
 
     <lots of atarimae stuff deleted>
 
>>Hmm.  I'm not sure what to make of this.
 
     <lots of well-intentioned apologia deleted>
 
>>The bottom line is that. . .
 
     The bottom line, me freund, is that you need to spend a few years inside
Japan but outside a tame g**j*n bubble.  What Mr. Brueckner reports is quite
accurate.  
 
     Part of the reason is that it is an article of faith in the religion of
Japanism that filthy nig. . .err, I mean, that g**j*n can't learn to speak
Japanese.  When faced with a Japanese-speaking g**j*n, reactions may include
shock, disbelief, revulsion, and anger, but always include cognitive dissonance
produced by reality's refusal to conform to their beliefs.  The *very common*
refusal to converse in Japanese is an attempt to restore order in the universe
through denial, and an attempt to reassert superiority:  "I'm smart enough to
learn your language but you're not smart enough to learn mine, so we'll have to
converse in English:  Can. . .hepping. . .you. . .somesing?"
 
     "Ehh, to. . .hamu sando to kohii wo kudasai."
     "Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?  Can. . .hepping. . .you. . ."
     "Hamu sando to kohii wo kudasai."
     "Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?  Can. . .hepping. . .you. . ."
     Ketou customer points to menu:  "Koko de 'hamu sando' ga kaiteiru, neh? 
          Nanka mimi ga warui kai?"
     Master-race waiter mimics sudden comprehension.  "Ahh.  Hamu sando.  Ando,
          dorinkku somesing?
 
     And all this is just by way of denying that you can speak Japanese at all,
much less that your Japanese could be <gasp> better than his English.  (And
lest Mr. Liu interject his observations concerning ketou accents, let me add
that this happened to me just after a *long* conference with Toshiba execs in
which we discussed, among other things, ASICs and DRAM mfg. tech.  After we did
the cognitive dissonance two-step, they had no trouble understanding my accent.
 
Won't try to pretend I don't have one, but it's no worse than Maurice
Chevalier's was.)
 
     And this happens not once in a while, but all_f*cking_day_long_every_
_f*cking_day.
 
     I used to smoke tobacco.  Every morning on the way to work I would go to
the same kiosk at the same station and say, "Short Peace (shotto piisu),
futatsu," toss the money on the counter, and move along.  This kiosk had
magazines, tissues, lighters, and whatnot hanging down all around so that all
the obasan ever saw of her customers was their hands.
     Well, I bought cigarettes there for months, until one day the hanging
stuff had been moved and she could see that she was dealing with the <shriek in
panic and flee> dreaded ketou.
 
     Suddenly everything got real hard.  Suddenly she couldn't understand the
same request I'd been making twenty times a month for several months.  Suddenly
it was "Eh?" and, to herself as though at a complete loss, "Dou shiyou?"  As
long as she couldn't see my face, she understood me.  The minute she saw she
was dealing with an untermensch, fergit it.
 
     And this is the rule, not the exception.  The Japanese *do not want* ketou
speaking Japanese.  They are comforted by the master race dogma that holds us
too stupid to learn it, and they like having a language barrier to hide behind.
 
     But when faced with this, you don't have to take it lying down.  Look at
the offender in puzzlement and say, as if to yourself,
 
     "Nanigo shabetteiru, koitsu?"
 
          Then, to the offender,
 
     "Nihonjin ja nai kai?"
 
          The bigot will probably be very offended at this and affirm his
          master race status in no uncertain terms.  Then follow up, again as
          though talking to yourself, with,
 
     "Kawaisou, neh?  Jibun no bokokugo ga hanasenai.  Chie no okureta 
     yatsu ka naaa?"
 
     At this point, if you're lucky, the bigot will hit you.  At the very least
he'll stop pretending he doesn't understand you, you'll have an open enemy
instead of a secret enemy, and you'll have ruined his day as thoroughly as he's
ruined yours.  If you're really hacked off, you might try,
 
     "Tsugi Nihon wa sensou wo okosu toki, senjou de mata aou, naa?"  And a big
smile.  But don't take your eyes off him.
 
     (Sorry if any of the bad language above is grammatically incorrect or
unnatural.  It's virtually impossible to get a Japanese to instruct you in the
kind of language you *really need* on a day-to-day basis.)
 
Newsgroups: soc.culture.japan,soc.culture.usa,misc.education