From: stdnt171@whscdp.whs.edu
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: MAW spinoff #4
Date: 23 Nov 92 13:23:24 CST
Organization: Washington HS, Milwaukee, WI

	



			The Most Annoying War
			~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~

	Creative people, here's your chance to come out of the
woodwork!  Help us continue the never-ending Saga of The Most Annoying
War.  Contribute a scene, or a piece of dialouge.  All we ask is that:

1) Please do not kill off any of the main characters, from either
series.  (Except, maybe Weasley Crusher.  :{) )

2) To keep a variety of input, please try to only add no more than 50
or so lines in a row.  That is to say, you may post 50 lines, they
someone else may add 50 lines, they you may add another 50.

OK, folks... picture this...

	It's a future time in two alternate universes; a titanic galactic
mishap throws each of those universes' most aggressive, hostile races
against one another.  I think it'd go something like this...

	Dalek Leader:  SURRENDER AT ONCE.  FAIL TO DO SO AND YOU WILL BE
			EXTERMINATED!

	Borg Commander:  Resistance is futile.  You will be assimilated.

	Legion of Daleks:  EX-TER-MIN-ATE!!!!!

	Ship o'Borgs:  A-SSIM-IL-ATE!!!!

	ASSIMILATE!  EXTERMINATE!  ASSIMILATE!  EXTERMINATE!
	(Zap!  Pow!  Kerfratz!  Ererererererer!  WHEEEeeeeeoooooop!)

	Q:  I'm getting a headache already! (Waves hand.  Everything
		disappears.)  Much better.

	(a blue police box materializes next to the relaxing entity. a
		funny-looking man and woman wearing animal-skins step out)

	Doctor:  Hello!  I'm the Doctor!  I say, have you perchance seen
		a rather nasty race of armored pepper-pots roaming hereabouts?
		Hmmmm?

	Q:  Oh, it's another of you bothersome beings from that other 
		dimension.  (Sighs)  Well, if you must know....

	(A sparkling light display occurs between the DOCTOR and Q.  When it
		ends,  three people in funny suits are standing there.)

	Riker:  Q!  I should have known!  Allright -- where are the Borg?
		We know they were down here!

	(WORF spots LEELA and growls menacingly.  He's rather startled when
		she growls back...)

	Q:  If you'll let me explain...

	Doctor:  (to DATA)  Hello!  I'm the Doctor!

*****************************************************************************

	Q: ...and THAT, commander, is EXACTLY what happened here, in
		words small enough even for Worf and his new playmate
		to understand (Leela and Worf growl).  Although even
		_I_ don't know what caused the rift.. yet.  But I have
		wasted enough time chatting.  Farewell, Riker!  And, Worf!
		DO try not to stain the rug!

	(with a bright flash Q vanishes.  Riker stands up, now quite
		aggravated by Q's arrogance)

	Riker:  Of all the...

	Doctor:  Oh, come now.  Do you have any idea how _boring_ it must
		be to know everything there is to know?  Hmmm?  (Before
		Riker can speak) Of course you can't!  Why, the poor fellow
		must go positively insane with boredom.  Now, I'm sure this
		is just a _lovely_ planet, but might we take this conversation
		elsewhere, Commander?

	Riker: (keeping his temper) Of course, err, Doctor. (Slaps 
		communicator)  Mr. O'Brien!  FIVE to beam up... and one
		large... box.
	
	O'Brien: (from communicator)  I'm sorry, sir.  I can't seem to get
		a lock on that box.

	Doctor:  (sighs)  Ah, well, extradimensional objects are just soooo
		difficult to move when they don't want to move.  I'll tell
		you what -- you transmat back to your ship, and I'll travel
		in my TARDIS!  Come on, Leela...

	(Leela, in the midst of a pleasant conversation [or what passes for 
		one] with Mr. Worf, is startled as the Doctor snags her
		elbow and lifts)

	Leela:  Uh... of course, Doctor.  (Gets dragged into TARDIS)

	Data:  What an intriguing man.  (Pause, followed by a confused look.)
		Transmat...?

	Riker:  Later, I'm sure, Data.  Mr. O'Brien, (chirp chirp chrip),
		three to beam up.

	O'B:  Aye aye, sir.  Energizing...

	(Frrrrrriiiiiitttttzzzzzzuuuuuuuueeeeeeoeoooooooo.  The
		three disappear in a brilliant light display)

	(The Doctor pops his head out the door and watches)

	Doctor:  Hmmm.  I've never seen a transmat decive act quite
		like THAT before...  (Ducks back in)

	(Vooooorrrrp.  Voooorrrrpp.  Vooorrrrpp.  The TARDIS dematerializes.)

*******************************************************************************

	(a bald, older gentleman in a red uniform much resembling Riker's
		sits in his ready room intently studying a computer display.)

	Computer:  chirp chirp

	Picard: (distractedly)  Come!

	(Picard literally leaps out of his seat as an oblong blue box
		materializes in the far corner)

	(Voorrrrrp.  Vooooorrrrrppp.  Vooorrrppp.)

	Picard: (hits communicator)(chirp) Security!  To my ready room!

	(the TARDIS door opens, and a tall man wearing a long coat, floppy
		hat, and multi-colored scarf steps out)

	Doctor:  Oh, no need for that!  I'm the Doctor!  (He smiles.  [What
		teeth!] and pulls a bag out of his pocket)  Would you like
		a jelly baby?

	(Worf and three nameless security personell charge in wielding what
		appear to be fat electric razors)

	Worf:  Captain, I...

	Computer:  Warning.  Alien presences in...

	Picard:  Computer!  It's all right.  No need for phasers, Mr. Worf.
		(turns back to the Doctor)  So _you're_ the man from
		another dimension...

	Doctor: Oh, there's more than just me here.  Leela!  Adric!  Come
		meet... (looks expectantly at Picard)

	(Leela and a young man clad in a hideously bright tunic sporting a 
		silver star on one pocket step out of the box)

	Picard: (Blinks.  Straightens shirt.)  Oh!  I am Captain Jean-Luc
		Picard, captain of the Enterprise.

	(Worf appears perplexed.  How could three people possibly travel
		comfortably in a small wooden box?)

	Adric:  But, Doctor!  Do we have time for this?  Shouldn't we be
		trying to get back?

	Doctor:  (pats Adric on the back)  Plenty of time for that...
		Captain Picard -- Adric and Leela.  Adric and Leela --
		Captain Picard, and we've already met Mr. Worf.

	Worf:  (Grunts)  Yes... Captain!  May I remind you that the Borg
		are likely still in the area... along with those other...

	Doctor: Daleks!

	Worf: (nods) ...along with the Daleks.  I recommend we move to
		another sector until the danger passes.

	Picard:  Indeed!  Make it so, Mr. Worf.  (turns to Doctor and
		companions)  I'm really quite busy at the moment...
		May we continue this conversation over dinner?  (Doctor 
		nods) Picard to Wesley Crusher!  (chirp)

	Wesley:  (chirp!) Yes, Captain?

	Picard:  I would like you and Mr. Data to escort the Doctor and his
		companions to provided quarters.  Understood?

	Wesley:  Yes, sir.  Crusher out!

	(a handsome boy, slightly older than Adric, strides into the room
		accompanied by the golden-skinned android)

	Picard:  A pleasure meeting you Doctor!  (FINALLY takes a jelly baby)
		If you'll just follow Mr.Data...

	Doctor:  Of course! (smiles)  I'm sure we'll meet again sometime!
		(winks and follows Data + Crusher out)

	Picard: (amused)  What an interesting fellow.  I used to know
		someone like him...

********************************************************************************

	Doctor:  ...back in my Academy days.  Your captain wouldn't be
		a Pydronian by any chance, would he?

	Data: (matter of factly) No, sir.  Captain Picard is French.

	Doctor:  You know, Data, most of the androids where I come from
		want nothing less than universal domination.

	Data:  Ah.  My goal is to become more human.  Would you like to
		hear some poetry?  (anticipating a response)  "An ode to
		Spot, by Lieutennant..."

	Doctor: (dodging a bullet) Perhaps some other time.

	Data: (unfazed) Certainly.  Are there NO benevolent androids in
		your universe?

	Doctor:  Well, there was one...

	Data:  Indeed.  Probability dictates that out of all possible 
		synthetic life forms, the odds of NO friendly species are...

	Doctor: (continuing) ...but it went insane, kidnapped my companion,
		threatened all life on Earth, grew to fifty feet tall,
		and ultimately self-destructed.

	Data:  Ah.

********************************************************************************
Meanwhile, in another corridor...

	Wesley:  And, uh, these are, err, your quarters, uhm, Leela.  (the
		poor boy is VERY nervous)  And, uh, you might not want to
		wear that knife around.  It makes security edgy...

	(Leela stares him hard in the face -- he stops talking)

	Leela:  I choose to keep my knife.  Thank you, Wesley Crusher.
		(SWOOSH [the door opens]) Goodbye. (Swoosh [it closes])>

	Wesley:  (stares at the door for a moment.  Adric clears his throat)
		Oh!  Sorry.  Uh, your quarters are right over...

	Adric:  Actually, I was rather hoping to see a bit more of the ship.

	Wes: (eager to please) No problem!  We'll start with engineering.
		Say, what's that star for?

	Adric: (beaming) Well, I earned it for mathematics excellence...

	Wes: Really?  I'm quite proficient at math myself.

	Adric:  REALLY. (disgusted)  I'll have you know that MY computations
		once created an entire CITY!

	Wes: (up to the challenge)  Oh yeah?  Well, I'll bet you've never
		phased into unity with the universe to save your mother
		from a collapsing...

	(Wes breaks off as he and Adric round a corner.  What they see
		confuses them -- Wesley more so than Adric)

	Adric:  Do all your engineers play with dolls?

	Wesley: (mystified)  No... (bends over and lifts a small doll 
		wearing a Starfleet uniform.  The badge chirps when touched)
		Especially not one that looks exactly like commander Riley.

Had they listened closely, both boys would have heard an ominous, sinister
laugh, and perhaps seen a figure clad in black duck into cargobay two...

********************************************************************************
A short while later, in Counsellor Troi's cabin...

	Troi:	Yes, can I help you? (To the rather satanically handsome 
	        stranger)

	Master:	That rather depends, may I come in? You ARE Counsellor Troi,
		yes?

	Troi:	Yes, what do you want?

	Master:	Look, I'm not accustomed to conducting urgent business in the 
		corridor,I realy would appreciate it if I could come in...it
		would be to your advantage you know.(The Master enters Troi's
		cabin, and makes himself comfortable)

	Master:	I'm going to need your help to convince the Captain to assist
		me in recovering my ship. You are empathic are you not?

	Troi:	Yes, and I sense you are far from benign...

	MAster: All the more reason I can't have you telling tales to the 
		Captain. I'm going to need this ship to recover my TARDIS from 
		the Borg craft. (It's just typical, the one chance I get to 
		avoid those tin-plated psychotic pepperpots, and I not only 
		end up taking them with me, but I land right in the middle of
		another load of crazed cyborgs.0 Let me just say that it would
		be better for us all if the Borg don't assimilate my TARDIS's 
		capabilities, it would mean the end of us all!

	Troi:	You want to prevent this catastrophe?

	Master:	I'll settle for just not being here when it happens!

	Troi:	Then I'm afraid I cannot help you, I must warn the Captain.

	Master:	I can't let you do that. Here, take a look at this...
		(He takes from his pocket a small toy robot, and pops it on a 
		nearby table.As soon as the toy sees Troi, it starts crooning 
		about a "Lady in Red")

	Troi:	What is it?

	Master:	It's a Borg I found. It had attempted to assimilate some late 
		20th century Earth music, and it never recovered. I had to 
		tinker with it of course, and make it easier to carry, but it 
		taught me a lot about the Borg and their weaknesses. I call it
		Chris.

	Troi:	Chris the Borg? I'm sorry but I'm not impressed! You can't
		threaten me!

	Master: Then I'll have to gain your cooperation another way. Listen 
		carefully I am the Master, you will obey...YOU WILL OBEY....

*******************************************************************************

	(Picard's ready room, a bit later than the last bit)

	Ensign Extra(over intercom):... plus 13 sectors for good luck.

	Picard: Excellent. Hold this position until given further
	 	orders. (Door chimes) Enter.

	Doctor enters. Picard is somewhat surprised to see him.

	Picard: I thought Commander Data was escorting you to 
		quarters.

	Doctor: He was. I got bored and decided to slip back here, where
		the action is. (Sits down and puts feet up on Picard's
		desk.) What's happened?

	Picard: We've moved to a safe area, 13 sectors away from the centre
		of the battle. 

	Doctor: And now what?

	Picard: (Somewhat surprised) I don't know. What do you suggest?

	Doctor: (Grinning, as only the Doctor can) The Daleks have been 
		trying to exterminate me for centuries. I suggest 
		we enjoy two mechanical minds beating the crap out
		of each other.

	Picard: (Grins back) Sounds good. The Borg turned me into one
		of them for awhile you know.

	Doctor: No, I didn't know.

	(Both stand and watch battle from Picard's window. A particularly
	well guided Borg shot destroys a Dalek ship in a rather 
	pretty way.)

	Doctor + Picard: Ooooooooooooooh!

	(Door chime) 

	Picard: Enter!

	(Riker enters.)

	Riker: What are you doing?

	Doctor: Watching ships blow up.

	Riker: Can I watch too?

	Picard: Get your own window!

(Next?)

     -The Doctor