From: jlewis@astro.as.arizona.edu (Jeff Lewis)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: RE: LJBF and Happiness
Date: 21 Aug 92 16:00:57 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ

In article <1992Aug19.222123.13661@organpipe.uug.arizona.edu> jlewis@astro.as.arizona.edu (Jeff Lewis) writes:
>In respone to  <1992Aug17.182327.16695@organpipe.uug.arizona.edu> -
>In article <1992Aug19.002926.12237@jetsun.weitek.COM> weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver) write -
>
>Thats very true I think I have made it clear how I feel...or think I feel
>and left it pretty much at that..for the time being..I am wondering now if
>by not saying anything more that I have given the impression I don't feel that
>way anymore. *sigh*
>
>Yes, you are in a bind. On the one hand, you want to reinforce the idea
>that you are romantically interested in this person, but on the other
>hand, you cannot express this without stepping out of the bounds of
>'just friends'.  If your friend has any sense, she will assume that
>you still feel the same way and are muting your feelings for her sake.

Yeah you are right...and she is smart enough to know how I feel...but I
gotta wonder if maybe she is unwilling to accept how she feels.  I have
met more people who would rather deny they feel something for someone
than to deal with what romatic feelings might imply...it seems to be
a common theme.

>You might decide it is more important to be able freely express how you
>feel, and decide to back out of the friendship.

It's getting to that point, slowly..an action I _know_ I will regret but
probably be able to deal with in a more "mature" manner.

>..Or you can act with restraint and only express those aspects of your feelings that are
>consistent with friendship, such as being interested in the other
>person, wanting to be helpful, etc. Neither choice is very attractive.

My wanting to be helpful seems to invole holding her close and listening to the problems
of the day...doing something special on those days that really suck...and just
letting her know she has someone and someplace to run to when she needs a shoulder
to cry on. Someone who will always listen and try to help. I am not claiming I can
solve all her problems..maybe not any of them..but I know what it is like not to
have someone to talk to about your problems.  This is kinda out of line with a friendship
as commonly defined. Neither choice is very attractive..your right..
but I certainly do not want to make her life any more stressful..
so I guess I will practice restraint..*heavy sigh*

>...In a romance, you need to balance your needs with those
>of your SO, and doing what you think your SO wants with what is good
>for them.
 
This is a difficult balaning act...its does assume that I know what
my needs are...something that is still not fully defined, ..but I know
what I don't need.
 
>...As long as you are not being fooled into thinking you are
>going to be rewarded for your generousity when you are not, what
>difference does it make?
 
No..reward is not an issue...maybe she doesn't understand that..hmmm.
 
>>It seems that I have been put into a situation of walking a very fine line
>>between being a `silly overly romantic dreamer` and a chump.
>>
>If you feel like you are walking a fine line, you probably are doing a
>good job. If everything seems easy, you probably could do better, and
>if you feel like you are hitting your head on a brick wall, you are
>probably trying too hard. You call it a balance between being a dreamer
>and a chump, I would call it a balance between being true to yourself
>and being practical.
 
Gee...thanks...what an ego boost...:)
But hitting my head on a brick wall...feels _SO_ good when I stop.
 
Jeff
From: ronw@hpcc01.corp.hp.com (Ron Whitetree)
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 22:45:34 GMT
Subject: Re: Vacation..all i ever wanted...
Organization: the HP Corporate notes server