From: lib1p@rosie.uh.edu (Tammy Stark Blandino)
Subject: Re: Men's Mysteries
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: University of Houston
Distribution: na
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 18:45:00 GMT

>of the universe into which they were born. BTW..who has ideas on if there
>IS an age that is appropriate for this sort of transition message.
> 

IMHO there really isn't a particular age physically.  I think
it has more to do with maturity age.  Boys will reach this 
point at different times.  There's a point when everything
*clicks* into place in there mind.  The same is true for girls
  I matured early because my mother died and I was left
raising my brother and supporting (emotionally) my father.
I never realized I was different until much later.  I use to
be embarrased at my classmates 'cause they acted so 
childish.  

Children with responsibilities mature faster than kids without
them.  I think that over time you should give your children
more and more responsibilities.  And don't be worried that
they won't be able to handle it.  They will surprise you.
Who would think that an 11 year old girl could go to school
, take care of her brother, take care of the house, cook
dinner, support her father, and do anything else that needed
to be done.  I did it.  Children are stronger than we give them
credit for.  

Rights of passage should include the taking on of responsibilities.
Girls tend to get more responsibilities at earlier ages than 
boys.  Also boys *NEED* role models.  Part of the gang problem
is the fact that these boys have NO positive role models.  
People don't seem to realize how much of an effect we have on
the shaping of our children.  I think that I am very different
from my father, and in many ways I am.  I would have not 
believed we had anything in common or that we were similar,
except that my husband was so good at pointing them out to me.
It was then that I realized what kind of effect my father had
on me.  I can look at my brother, who is very different from
me and see the effects I had on him.  NEVER underestimate the
effect you have on your kids.  It may not seem like it, but you
do.  

A good point to start rites of passage is 13.  It is already 
a mark in the kids minds as that is when they become a
TEENAGER (ooooohhhh).  It's a big deal to them.  You could
combine this with a ritual and passing some responsibility to
them.  Do it on their birthday, no matter what the phase of
the moon, or the season.  They were born this day, it has a
special effect upon their lives.  

I can think of many ways to proceed from here.  A good one 
that I can think of is to give them goals to reach.  Walter,
my husband, upon me telling him about this thread, came up
with something that all of us totally missed.  Up until
recently it was possible for a teenage male to work and earn
enough money to outright buy his first car, a used car in
good condition.  This was a right of passage of sorts for
males in the modern era.  Before that it was a gun.  Neither
is economically possible (the former) nor appropriate for
our time(the later).  However, giving them major things I 
think defeats this concept.  If they want something major
they should earn it.  But this is not the goals I was 
intending to talk about.

Possible goals could be getting a job, learning a particular
part of your family's pagan practice, doing a community
service,  gaining entry into an organization like a college.
You may want to have the males and female split into circles
for the study of particular mysteries.  Taking the male half,
have an outer circle for all the males and an inner circle 
for the adults or (thoses that have achieved _______).  Do
the same for the females.  This would demark a definate
point.  Devise a ritual were the boys would pass from the 
outer circle to the inner circle and manhood.  Devise tests.
The post on the questions of the lake in the hindu text 
is an example of the kind of tests I'm thinking of.  Make them
study some.  Make goals like community service a requirement.
Personnally I think everyone should do at least one thing
to aid their community.  It doesn't have to be long and involved.
Donating old clothes, toys, coats, shoes, food, etc. to your
local shelter is something!  "Barn raising" whether it be
raising a building, working on a car, repairing a roof, whatever
within the group could also be a requirement.  Become a
true community.  Make the young men be involved in that 
community.  Make them feel as though they are important to
the community and have something to give.

I could keep on talking, but I think I will stop here. 
Hopefully this will start some ideas churning.  

Forever in service to my pagan brethren,
Blessed Be to all,

Tammy