From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: hi
Date: 4 Jan 93 23:33:03 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: stein.u.washington.edu

root@huxley.bitstream.com (root) writes:

>Hi, I've been reading this group for months. Sometimes
>   I just lose it. It all seems so familiar. I did want to 
>   ask though, If not remembering you childhood at all is
>   common. I've four or five memories, but that's it. I told my
>   mother about this and got a weird look. Not in connection with 
>   being molested of course. It would be considered tacky to mention
>   that. 

yep.  lots of us have some big old holes in our memories that you could drive a
battleship through.  it's quite common.

>   Is it common to place yourself in relationships that make you 
>   want to scream? 

yep.  one of the ways the abuse affects us is to mess up our sense of what's ok
in a relationship and what's not.  so we often end up in relationships which
are not healthy because we can't tell the difference.

>   Is it common to shoot yourself in the foot (not literally of course!)
>   in alot of different ways?

yep.

>   I was molested for 12 years (that I know of!) by my brother. 
>   I told my mother (she wanted pictures)

>   I used to think that it wasn't screwing me up.
>   THEN I realized that I was thinking it 4 or 5
>   times a day (or more). I think you can really
>   fuck yourself up over this. It's with me all the time. 

>   I went to a therapist back in '86 who said I have PTSD,
>   now I'm with this guy 4 YRS (off & on & of & on etc..)
>   who's a vietnam vet, also w/PTSD. What a mess!

hey, but you're cleaning it up, right?  that's a good thing, if you ask me.

>   One last thing, I have a nine year old daughter, possibly my best
>   friend!, I told her everything. We talk about everything from sex
>   to safe sex to aids to hockey to what boys will say to get in your
>   pants. We love hockey! 

well, i have to tell you that i think what you're doing with your daughter is
really and truly a great thing.  i give much applause to you for your efforts,
they will in all probability save your daughter a lot of mistakes and
heartache.

>   My mother was appalled! (how tacky of me), the idea that childhood
>   should be this fostered state of innocent bliss by people who can't
>   protect you is ludicrous. My mother saw only she wanted to see. She 
>   walked in one time and caught my brother, and said "what are you
>   doing!?" and he said he was helping me clean my room. And then
>   she ..... left. 

sigh.  *hugs* to you.  it's such a shame that this sort of thing is so common.
why are parents so afraid to face the problems in their families?

>   My daughter knows what people will do, and she knows it's them
>   and not her who has a problem. And she knows not to put herself 
>   a situation where someone can hurt her. She also has a tendency to speak
>   her mind. And if all else fails she has me. And I would literally kill
>   anyone who hurt her. Anyone else deal with this and their kids?

>   My biggest fear was that the same thing would happen to her.

>   That's it for now.....maggie

welcome, maggie.  thanks for posting.  you say you've been around asar for
several months, so i don't think there's any real advice i can give you which
you haven't already seen.  so "hi there!" and take care of yourself.  it's good
to have another person breaking the silence.
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