From: ecsd@tfs.com (Eric C. S. Dynamic)
Subject: Sexuality and Social Attitudes
Keywords: sexuality, honesty
Organization: TRW Financial Systems
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 05:13:11 GMT

shulick@navajo.ucs.indiana.edu (Sam Hulick) writes:
>ecsd@tfs.com (Eric C. S. Dynamic) writes:
>>Man walks up to woman at nude beach.
>>"Hello, my name is ____. I enjoy sex. Would you like to participate in
>>a sexual act with me?"
>>Woman:
>>response (a): "No, thank you, I'm not interested in doing that with you."
>>response (b): "Why, yes, I think that might be nice. Thanks for the offer."
>>
>>I'm not interested in a society that defines the exchange resulting in (b)
>>to be *impossible*.
>
>Unlikely!!  Do you honestly think a woman is going to respond (b)?  Get real.
>Especially with a total STRANGER. (indicated by "Hello, my name is ____")  No,

As I intend, it implies something about the woman's character to offer one of
those two responses. It also says soething about the society in which such an
exchange might take place.

>if a man walked up to a woman, introduced himself, then asked for her to
>participate, she'd most likely look rather perplexed and ask "Do I KNOW you?"
>By your scenario above and response (b), you're giving the image of something
>like _Brave_New_World_ where people are reduced to primates where we simply
>"choose" someone to have sex with and ask, and they MAY agree, even though they
>both may be strangers.  We're humans, not 100% logical, unemotional aliens.
>Reponse (b) gives me the impression of someone with no emotion and all logic,
>somewhat like Spock.  "Why, yes, I think a sexual deed may be particularily
>pleasurable."  Humans have emotions, and response (b) is extremely unlikely.
>The first thing that may go through a woman's head when asked by a stranger to
>participate in sexual act(s) is perhaps fear.  She might think "Oh no.. if I
>refuse, he might attack me."  For all he knows, she may be "in the mood," but
>not with him (a stranger).  If you're hoping that our society can be like your
>scenario, think again.

Since when do 100% logical, unemotional aliens pursue each other for sex?

Let me confess, the language I use above is yes, Mr.-Spockian. The point is
to ask if the two people live in a society where sex is a threat, or a nice
thing. It wouldn't matter if the woman said (a) 95% of the time or more.
The point is she is not out calling the police and charging an offense against
her morals; she owns her own ego space. She is self-possessed and does not
find sexuality - hers or his - a threat.

The UNSTATED and IMPLICIT assumption in most challenges to the things I write,
is that how things are reflects human nature. I say it does NOT. I say we have
not explored what humans would do, if they were not persistently interfered
with during their early and later development. And I further claim that the
truth is that humans would be much more sexual than they are - at least
statistically. I have no trouble envisioning a world where sexually-oriented
approaches would be much more common, and *ordinary* in the sense of, since
not-unusual, then not-threatening. I also claim that we don't have to wait
generations down the road. It's a matter of revolution in outlook in the
individual. That is, go ahead and claim the *freedom*, then use it when your
curiosity and courage overcome your fear and your past conditioning. If you
end up never wanting to use the freedom, so be it. But those who do not, do not
have the right to insist that others-at-large reflect their values to them,
which is how things are structured now.

As far as the anonymity of it - I can't see approaching a woman in the way
I describe, out of my own nature as it is now. But I can see arriving at a
place where it is possible for me to do so without guilt and shame. If we
all value sex enough to pursue it without fear of being hounded by the "it's
wrong to own up to wanting it" crowd, maybe a woman might approach *me*.
Should I be afraid? Should I assume she's aberrant, if she does that? And
if I'm not interested, I just say No, but thanks for asking, it's nice to be
flattered. Our young deserve to learn for themselves about the things they
are interested in. You say "don't expect people to engage in free, anonymous
sex." - Why not? That is, whether *you* would or not, does not precondition
what others *might* do. I think we would find that perhaps a third of us
would explore that, if it were available. Our folklore contains a lot of
reference to "one-night stands"; someone has to be doing that.

This whole issue is symbolic not so much of sex, but of the attitude that
humans take toward each other, and toward the integration of their sexuality
into their beingness. Our society is conditioned to split people into pieces
and to control and manipulate their sexuality and other aspects of their
emotions. I have personally been badly injured by these social values.
I take it very personally, because it has cost me *my* life and *my* self,
and has not given to me in return anything that I value. I can no longer
stand to be a slave in service to self-blind ideals that make no sense, do
not work, and have nothing to say for their being other than "that's the way
things are" or "because God says so." I am an active participant in society,
and I have the right to help shape it and its future. I do not share negative
sexual values. I don't share negative human values. And I will fight as hard
as I can to overturn such values.

If Adam and Eve had not copulated, there would not be humans. So they could
be naked all day long. They and we are animals, and our sexual nature CANNOT
be separated from other aspects of our being. I can't stand to watch people
conspire to silence about something we all know very well, and which we face
many moments of every day.

People make the implicit assumption that embracing their sexuality would lead
to chaos and that it would be a dangerous thing. Nonsense! Things would not
be much different, certainly to start out with. I've had to live with my
sexual nature for as long as I've known about it. In a sexually free world,
I would not behave much differently than I do now, except I would not have
to carry a 10-pound rulebook which describes what is and isn't proper to own
about oneself openly to other people. The truth is the truth, and I'm tired
of denying it. So I have quit doing so.

*argh*
-ecsd