From: anon-1543@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Is this sexual abuse?
Date: 7 Jan 93 04:36:27 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Hello

This is a first post, and to be quit frank, I don't know if it belongs here,
but I am so willing to try to change some of my irrational thoughts/emotions,
I'll give this a whirl.  If it is not the correct place to post, then please
point me in the right direction!

I do not know if this is a sexual abuse problem or what, but to put the cards
out on the table, I seem to be obsessed with sex.  I say "seem" because I
think I am involved in a relationship with a person who is someone I cannot
discuss this with very easily.

I am not a rapist, or have never had fantisies of doing such.  It seems that
whenever I get involved in a relationship with a women, and after we
reach the intimacy stage (start having sex), I can't seem to get enough, or
I can't say to the other person "boy, that was great".  I can immediately
after we have sex, and I'm very aware of my mate's feelings, but let say a
week pass, and it's like, I'd really really like to have sex, and I can't
remember last time being that great.  I seem to have this internal frequency
counter built in.  

I really never gave the above much thought until becoming involved with a
very intelligent doctor, who I'll call Carla.  Carla and I dated for
several months before we had sex, and then we were very frequent with it
for about 4-5 weeks.  Carla has a lot of stress from her job, and when things
get particularly stressful, ALL thoughts of sex go out the window.  At first
I considered myself patient and understanding, but as time wore on and this
pattern repeated itself, I found myself feeling very rejected whenever I
approached her for sex, and was turned down.  She's a very attractive, slim  
brunette, so I very stimulated by just the sight of her.

It's that feeling of rejection that has me bothered.  I seem to brood about
it for a few hours, rather than letting go it, and do something else.  

I worry that I may be tying my "love" for a person with how well our sex 
life is.  Carla comes up with the example of "if I get in an accident and
can't have sex, does that mean you won't love me any more".  That example
disturbs me, but there probably is some truth to it.

The other part of the picture is Carla's sexuality.  Being a doctor, and
always having to put on this professional appearance, it is very difficult
for her to "let loose".  She is very difficult to turn on, and the sex
is most of the time very quick with no variation other than the man on top 
get it over with quick.  She says she is very content, and I'm the world's 
greatest lover,
but I worry that some of her accusations that I seem to want too much sex,
could be from her wanting too little sex.

I was not raised in a sexually abusive home.  Repressive yes, and all I
remember from my father was about how cold and frigid mom was, and from my
mother was about what a sex maniac my father was.  Opposites attract I guess.

Sorry if I've rambled.  Carla and I are at that point of determining whether
to continue to relationship or not.  I think the sex issue could be the
overriding factor, but I hope not.  She is a wonderful person, full of
life, if only she would cast off the profession shell once and awhile.

Thanks for listening and I appreciate any comments, questions, flames, etc.

eddie



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