From: julie@cucbs.chem.columbia.edu (Julie Wright)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Qui est le plus MUSHY?
Date: 15 Oct 92 21:08:21 GMT
	<JULIE.92Oct14191329@cucbs.chem.columbia.edu>
	<Bw5qoH.L7v@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu>
Organization: The Cultural Elite

kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (the guy with the funny name -- heh heh) writes:
>julie@cucbs.chem.columbia.edu (Julie Wright) writes:

>>And a good way to start being a jerk is to make a lot of 
>>unfair and unflattering generalizations about women.
>How about fair and unflattering generalisations?

I haven't heard any in this thread yet.  But I admit that's a matter of
opinion.  I do agree that many women go out with people I think are
jerks, as do many men.  But it isn't at all clear to me that they go
out with those people *because* they're jerks.  In most cases, I think
they try desperately to ignore their partner's obnoxious qualities in
order to put up with the things they like.  (Or they just may not have
the same ideas of what a jerk is as I do, in other cases.)  

Anyway, suppose for the sake of argument it's true, and women more often
than not *do* prefer jerks.  I'm still annoyed when I see statements like
"that is what women want" [flaming jerks], as in the post I responded
to originally.  I'm a woman, by any standards *I've* ever heard of, and
unless I'm deluding myself, I am not ISO a flaming jerk.  My love life
hasn't always been perfect, either, but I try not to assume that means
there's something wrong with all men, just because subsets of them show
bad taste from time to time :) .

>>I always wonder when I see these "I'm trying to be a jerk so I can attract
>>more women" posts: just what sort of women do you think you're going to
>>attract??  
>Presumably, the women among his friends whom he is attracted to, but
>who scorn him while complaining incessantly about the jerks they're
>dating.  He figures that in order to date those people....
... he has to become a jerk, so they will go out with him and complain
incessantly about him?  
Ah, it all becomes clear.  I hope this is not everyone's idea of romantic
happiness, however, and I don't think it's yours either.  In another
post today (in the How Important Is Being IN-LOVE? thread), you said
(heh -- thought no one was paying attention :) ):

  >And maybe it is that very reality that inspires those feelings of
  >passion.  Maybe the relationship thrives on that reality, on the
  >(shared) knowledge of who those people actually are.
  >[...] you can't respect and admire someone you don't know or understand. 

Of course, you were talking about love and romance then, and here we are
talking more generally about men wanting to attract women; but again, I
just wonder why anyone would *want* to attract someone who valued them
for being a jerk.  I dunno, maybe the reason is irrelevant to some people.
All I can say is, I'd forego relationships completely before making myself
into a jerk and losing my self-respect.  And if it's a question of whether
to just *act* like a jerk, well, again, all the points above still hold,
except that now she'd be valuing him for something other than what he
really is, which is still bad.

>>Maybe you should try cultivating some patience instead.
>Naw.  I want it NOW.  

Well then, who knows, you might get lucky.  :)

>>Sometimes you have to wait for the good stuff.  Life's like that.  
>And sometimes the good stuff never comes or comes but once.  
>If you find it, remember that you are exceedingly lucky.

I agree completely.

>>* loris, n.>  Any of several small, nocturnal, arboreal primates of the *
>Lorises are cute.  But do they have the right work ethic?

No, that's probably why they're not used to teach geography.  
But they do know how to kick back and enjoy life.  :)

>"Tapirs are animals used in geography books. Geography could be taught
> without Tapirs but it would not be the same. Geography with Tapirs
> gives children the right start in life. If they go wrong later on,
> it is not the fault of the Tapir."
> ..................................Will Cuppy, _How to Attract The Wombat_


-- 
%  I wonder why it is that when I plan a route too carefully it      %
%  goes to pieces, whereas if I blunder along in blissful ignorance  %
%  aimed in a fancied direction I get through with no trouble.       %
%                      --- John Steinbeck (_Travels with Charley_)   %