HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: goodin@fraser.sfu.ca (Charles Frederick Goodin)
Subject: That Time-travel Guy Again and Again
Summary: Did the time travel thing?
Keywords: time travel, sex
Organization: Simon Fraser University, Burnaby, B.C., Canada
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 02:06:33 GMT

Wow!  Now people are posting stuff tomorrow!
Okay, someone from the future who's reading this:
Can you come back to the past and visit us?  Could you please kill my
grandpa for me (no, not now, before my dad or mom was born)?  Also, if
you do this I will deposit $1.53 in a compound interest account at the
Royal Bank.  By your time, that should be worth a lot!

Wait a second.

I just noticed--the time on these postings is in Greenwich time, and
I'm not.


Never mind.





Bitch.
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Crow of Desperation)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Posting private email (was Re: ssc: sioux s. conf.)
Date: 14 Dec 1992 22:27:37 GMT
Organization: The Church of Pat
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <Bz95GA.KoI@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu> fulton@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Ben Fulton) writes:
*"You can fuck off now, dicklick."
* - Susan Samarasinghe, to me.
*
*I was going to put it in my .sig, but decided it was too offensive for the
*tender sensibilities of Usenet.

Ah, hell, go for it.  No one ever said anything to me when I had "Jump in a
goddam volcano, you fucking cave newt" in my .sig for about a year and a
half.  That is, until Jenine popped a bolt and demanded I take it out
because she was sick to fucking death of seeing it.  Following T_Rev's NEW
NEW NEW NOW NOW NOW theory, I complied.


Mark "Then again, this IS a kinder, gentler Usenet" Lippert 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: waterman@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (T.S. Waterman)
Subject: Re: Productivity advantages that make an office better than a cubicle
Reply-To: waterman@cs.brandeis.edu
Organization: CAVEAT Labs, Inc.
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 19:17:33 GMT

mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[]") writes:

>In article <1992Dec11.081342.18108@wetware.com> billbill@wetware.com (Bill Bill) writes:
>>   No one notices that you must chant "Piece of shit" twice
>>   before your fingers assent to remember the correct compiler flag.

>They do if you're me.  Having a private office for me just means that
>the sound is somewhat muffled when I holler

>	GODDAM FUCKING UNIX FILTHY SHITSACK SCUMPILE TERMINAL DRIVER
>	IDIOCY NONSENSE FUCK YOU TO HELL

Ahh -- the song of Joy.  Music to my ear.
Many distinct variations have been developed over the years,
but the main them is always distinguishable.


>``GODDAM FUCKING SHITSACK FUCKING X WINDOWS [*]''

>``What's wrong with it?''

>``What ISN'T wrong with it?''

>That usually stumps them right there.

It still works some of the time.  I've stopped complaining all too heavily,
and just started working on replacing it from within.

>I love my work.

Of course.  Why else would you rant about it so?


--ts	followups b we
From: andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Posting private email (was Re: ssc: sioux s. conf.)
Date: 15 Dec 92 14:28:33 GMT
Organization: Spider Systems Limited, Edinburgh, UK.

In article <1992Dec14.182343.4482@scott.skidmore.edu> ssamaras@scott.skidmore.edu (susan samarasinghe) writes:
>
>     kisses to you and yours this holiday season. and go ahead and put
>it in your signature......fuck society, man. :)
>
>						sioux 

If I fuck society and it gets pregnant, will I have to marry it ?

I don't think I've got the right hair cut for marriage. (actually more of not
having the right hair-not-cut really. )

		Andy

-- 
    |      Andy  Cannon      | From a Vision of Reality,        |
    | Misplaced Yorkshireman | Comes my Nemesis of Faith.       |
    |   Spider Systems Ltd   | But is Everything so Different ? |
    |  andrewc@spider.co.uk  | And Still the Moon......         |
From: jvogel@math.rutgers.edu (jeff vogel)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Another Poem
Date: 16 Dec 92 03:09:56 GMT
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.

Yet another poem from my upcoming collection:
	Poems for Strange, Feminist Girls


My Dog

i disempowered my dog
	but before long
		i realized that
	it was wrong

		but then i saw
just what to do
	i changes his name
from spot to sue

			- Jeff Vogel
			Copyright 1992
			All rights reserved
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gerald@cs.UAlberta.CA (Gerald Oskoboiny)
Subject: Re: short shameful confession
Organization: University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada
Distribution: talk
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 1992 10:37:53 GMT

schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius) writes:

>I read everything from American Lit, though.

I have no joke here, I just like saying, ``American Literature.''

Gerald
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aaron@atlantis.uucp
Subject: Columbia House logic
Reply-To: aaron%atlantis@kakwa.ucs.ualberta.ca
Organization: Atlantis Communications, Edmonton, AB, Canada
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL7]
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 01:49:23 GMT

Today the postman buzzed our apartment with a package for me to sign for.  This
makes twice in the past two weeks, after a long period of not having to do so
at all.

The package I had to sign for was a Columbia House individual tape envelope,
complete with Tamper Detection Flap.  (I'm quite glad--I wouldn't have wanted
someone to inject lethal poison into my David Wilcox tape.  I've seen quite
enough of that on the news.)  It was sent First Class.

The David Wilcox tape was part of a nine-tape order I had sent off a few
weeks ago.  Naturally, I was curious about the other eight, but assumed they
would be along in due time.  In fact, they were there in my mailbox.  They had
arrived the same day.  They were not marked First Class.  I did not have to
sign for them.  And the box was easily large enough for another tape to have
fit inside it.

Now I know why they say that the postage increases for more than eight items.

-- 
---Alfvaen(Still looking for "October's Baby")
Current Album--The Smithereens:Especially For You
Current Read--John Crowley:Engine Summer
From: dmccart@gomez.intel.com (D. J. McCarthy)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: short shameful confession
Date: 12 Dec 92 04:18:07 GMT
Organization: Intel ASTG, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]

Tony Brannigan (tbrann@black.ox.ac.uk) wrote:
> When dogs try to sniff my balls, I open my legs wider.

	He smells *your* dog.


--
D. J. McCarthy (dmccart@gomez.intel.com)
The moving walkway is now ending;
please look down.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mlegare@wetware.com (Dr. Robert (BoB) Tech)
Subject: Re: Short Shameful Confession
Organization: The Flying Killfile Ranch
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 07:32:48 GMT

andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon) writes:

] In article <Dec.9.15.48.01.1992.28908@math.rutgers.edu> jvogel@math.rutgers.edu (jeff vogel) writes:
] >I was really thrilled when I heard Princess Di was leaving Prince Chuck,
] >because now I have a much better chance of bagging her.
] 
] 
] Oi, join the queue matey, I saw her first !
] 
] You can have Fergie.
] 


from a purely practical viewpoint, fergie would be more fun.
di is the one who's like a china doll, all big eyes and hair.
fergie's the one who would take you on a pub crawl, pay her
own way, and probably hold your head while you vomit.  she'd
get up before you the next morning and have food and her family's
secret hangover cure waiting as you staggered into the kitchen.
she'd find some way to convince you to swig down four, maybe five
glasses of water before you went to bed, so the hangover wouldn't
be as fierce as it could have been.

and, after the hangover lifted, she would be the one who would
joyfully fuck your brains out.

but that's just MY opinion.


-- 
if one falls on you,
we just carve your name on it
and leave it there...
mlegare@wetware.com
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:41285 alt.religion.kibology:5269
From: cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.religion.kibology
Subject: Short shameful writer's block
Date: 11 Dec 92 23:31:22 GMT
Organization: t.b, t.p.d, & a.d
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

I have to write an article for one of the company newsletters
explaining why I used Object-Oriented Programming and Design
techniques to implement the debugger I spent the last year on.

I have been putting it off for a long time, because I don't 
really want to write this article.  However, I did finally
come up with a good opening sentence and paragraph:

"The main reason for switching to Object-Oriented Programming is
to keep your head from exploding."

  -- Clifton
--
cliftonr@netcom.com     Home: +1 808 521 9073  Work: +1 808 625 3234
Clifton Royston, Pope of the Church of the Subgenius in Paradise
"Have a revelation, the first one's free/Soon to be addicted to eternity" - HMR
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pjm@isis.cshl.org (Pat Monardo)
Subject: Re: be prepared!
Organization: Cold Spring Harbor Labs
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 00:42:52 GMT

In article <BzL1y0.By9@phage.cshl.org> boutell@isis.cshl.org (Tom Boutell) writes:
>In article <BzKzpy.BH6@phage.cshl.org> pjm@isis.cshl.org (Pat Monardo) writes:
>>i was in the supermarket when i realized this
>>so i immediately sat down in an unplanned emergency
>>reaction response.
>
>You went shopping without me?
>
>And I just used my last can of garbanzos. Oh well. 
>

let's go shopping. but you have to stop this garbanzo diet
you are on. Recall that the Klingon head deformity resulted from a
garbanzo only diet.

-- 
-- Pat Monardo
-- pjm@cshl.org
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Mr. Wow")
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: cathy's response to sioux's flames
Date: 14 Dec 92 07:08:39 GMT
	<MJD.92Dec12143627@saul.cis.upenn.edu>
	<1992Dec13.155344.2809@cnsvax.uwec.edu>
Organization: Eaters of Wisdom
In-reply-to: hirschgm@cnsvax.uwec.edu's message of 13 Dec 92 21:53:44 GMT

In article <1992Dec13.155344.2809@cnsvax.uwec.edu> hirschgm@cnsvax.uwec.edu writes:
>   Does this not look like the writing of a provoked, annoyed, angered person?

Try `bored', and you'll be closer to the mark.  Or `disappointed'.  Or
even `sad'.  I wish you had some backbone and some spice.  I really do.
Please post your predictably lame followup to me `get a life' post, so
that I can put you in my kill file and cease to be bored, disappointed,
and saddened by you, forever.

Or REALLY embarrass me by posting something clever for a change.
I *double* dare you this time, BIG BOY.
--

	 The worst thing in the world is when records are destroyed
Mark-Jason Dominus 	  			    mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu 
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:42183 alt.usage.english:9659
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.usage.english
Subject: Re: Lunch springs eternal
Date: 17 Dec 1992 17:18:30 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: stealth.intel.com

In article <BzDFIp.K9G@watserv1.uwaterloo.ca> lstewart@watserv1.uwaterloo.ca (L. Stewart -- IS Office 1058) writes:
- For some unknown reason I have seen four different people
- barf in public today on campus. Two women and two men all
- of whom looked seriously distressed to be airing their 
- beefs, as it were, in front of many curious onlookers.
- The most poetic of these events involved a woman I have
- seen on campus for the last few years. She is a very
- attractive woman who carries herself with style. I know
- that she had the minestrone. I would have held her hair out of     
- the way but I don't know her and she didn't look like she 
- knew the unfortunate outcome of har mid-day repast.
- From this day on I will regard her with a new respect.
- It was a beautiful arcing projectile stream, I'd say eight
- or ten feet easy, caught part of a door and soaked down
- the stairs leading to the building. After just a moment
- she was composed enough to say, "I want a refund." She then
- let loose a ripping good belch and took off in search of
- a washroom for cleaning up. What a woman.

Now, I believe THIS is what one refers to as, "talking Canadian."

				--Blair
				  "The game's afoot!"
From: larne@canetoad.UUCP (Larne Pekowsky)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re:  cathy's response to sioux's dildo
Distribution: world
Date: 17 Dec 92 19:06:16 EDT
Organization: The Satellite of Love

In article <1992Dec15.192830.12361@wam.umd.edu> kimy@wam.umd.edu (Yong-Mi Kim) writes:
>In article <MJD.92Dec15120341@saul.cis.upenn.edu> mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Angel of Wax") writes:
>>Ho ho!  Yes, the only Hassid in the world with a penis ring.
>
>soc.singles response: "You'll have to promise to show it to me at the next
>boink! :) "
>
>alt.romance.chat response: "What's a penis ring?  Anyway, *kisses* and
>*hugs*."

sci.math response: What two operations have you defined over your penis?

--
...uunet!canetoad!larne   [I apologise for that]  canetoad!larne@uunet.uu.net
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Subject: short, shameful confession
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 03:26:54 GMT

I live in vain.

Mark., and in Boulder, Colorado, but that's beside the point
gooley@netcom.com
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pmoloney@maths.tcd.ie (Paul Moloney)
Subject: Re: I would like to formally euologize
Organization: Somewhere in the Twentieth Century
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 18:39:19 GMT

aaron@atlantis.uucp writes:
>Paul Moloney (pmoloney@maths.tcd.ie) wrote:

>: My, aren't we the little miss hetrosexist today?
>: Try some sleeping tablets. Lots of them.
 
>Wait a minute.  Your name looks familiar.
>I remember.  You were the one who posted 173 or so messages to talk.bizarre so
>you could get into the top 20 posters or something.

I formally apologise for not being Bizarre enough then, but I was drunk,
and it seemed amusing at the time.

And I only made no. 4. Shit.

Oh, and your fucking sig doubled again.

P.
-- 
moorcockheathersiainbankshamandcornpizzapjorourkebluesbrothersspikeleepratchett
clive  P a u l   M o l o n e y    "I'm pretty witty and you're itty bitty    pe
james  Trinity College, Dublin     And isn't it a pity the city can't see?   vr
brownbladerunnerorsonscottcardprincewatchmenkatebushbatmanthekillingjoketolkien
From: echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Game Over - Insert Coin (Was Re: Simpsons Quote Program)
Date: 17 Dec 1992 17:44:07 -0800
Organization: <censored>
NNTP-Posting-Host: girtab.usc.edu

In article <gerald.724639192@gerald> gerald@torolab4.vnet.ibm.com writes:
)
)                         #####     #    #     # #######
)                        #     #   # #   ##   ## #
)                        #        #   #  # # # # #
)                        #  #### #     # #  #  # #####
)                        #     # ####### #     # #
)                        #     # #     # #     # #
)                         #####  #     # #     # #######
)
)                         #####  #     # ####### ######
)                        #     # #     # #       #     #
)                        #     # #     # #       #     #
)                        #     # #     # #####   ######
)                        #     #  #   #  #       #   #
)                        #     #   # #   #       #    #
)                         #####     #    ####### #     #
)
)
)                                  INSERT COIN 

*clink*


       "Greetings, Starfighter!  You have been recruited by the
	Frontier to defend against Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada!"


5150
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Crow of Desperation)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Oooo baby
Date: 19 Dec 1992 22:08:05 GMT
Organization: The Church of Pat
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <1992Dec18.132430.13890@mail.cornell.edu> John Austin <jea1@cornell.edu> writes:
*In article <1grg17INN4b9@uwm.edu> The Crow of Desperation,
*grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu writes:
*>See what happens when you leave your terminal unattended....
*
*But Mark, where were the cross-postings?  No sense going half-way?

I considered it, but she has the power to delete my account.


Mark "The powers that be" Lippert
From: damianj@castle.ed.ac.uk (Damian Jackson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: what I really want to do
Date: 17 Dec 92 15:04:45 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

cj@eno.esd.sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:

>I want to quit the computer industry.

I am rapidly becoming disillusioned with the
prospect of the remaining years of a computer
science degree.

The fuck of it is that I want to do all the neato 
maths in a maths honours degree, plus all the cool
compsci stuff in a cs honours degree.

There *is* a joint maths and cs honours degree.

However, you lose out on important maths and cs.
They decide that you are not interested in such
things as operating systems, communications, computer
design and architecture.  It's not that I have
anything against computability and intractability,
but really.  Sheeeesh.

This is a no win scenario.

A year ago I just wanted to do a vanilla cs honours
degree; but is there anything in computer science
to compare with complex analysis? I thought not.

Damn damn damn damn.

And no, two BSc's is _not_ an option.

Goddamn mathematics for being too bloody enjoyable.

Does anyone remember when, in the Crisis on Infinite Earths,
a huge wall of whiteness enveloped the whole world, taking
with it old plot lines and continuity flaws?  
If only that would happen here.

That should have been a different post.

Oh well. 

Damian                  
damianj@castle.ed.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ssamaras@scott.skidmore.edu (susan samarasinghe)
Subject: Re: ssc: sioux s. conf.
Organization: Skidmore College, Saratoga Springs NY
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 18:40:58 GMT





   all of these passionate responses! all of you have flattered me
well with your delicious responses, as well as your anger and flames....which  *told* you i would eagerly devour. i was suprised to see some
supporters out there....i love you all. even you flamers out there. i
really do :).

						sioux
From: sho@bohr.physics.purdue.edu (Sho Kuwamoto)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: I was once in love with a beautiful ice cream cone...
Date: 19 Dec 92 01:51:32 GMT
Organization: Purdue University Physics Department

"You know," said my three year old nephew, as he dunked a
piece of biscotti into his capuccino, "it's not every day a
tight piece of ass like that jumps in your lap!"

My brain was on fire.  I had to get out.

The ride home was pleasant enough.  The road was smooth, the
grass was green, and the postclassical station was pumping
out the Clint Ruin remix of the Habanera from Carmen (...if
love is a bird, I'm gonna break its neck/ and if I love you,
girl, it's just a matta of time/ I'm a suicide note, I'm a-a
flaming wreck/ I'm here ta d-d-d-d-de-stroy, TIME TA CRIME!/
<engine noises>).  I think I saw a deer, even.  It was a
beautiful day.

Getting out of the car, I accidentally slit my left wrist on
the steering wheel.  Damn.  I spent the next fifteen seconds
rummaging through the glove compartment for my first aid kit.

Just then, I had a vague feeling that the world was a cruel
and hateful place, but it passed.

One hand holding the tourniquet, one hand limp and useless,
I managed, somehow, to open my front door.  When I flicked
on the light switch, the automatic machine guns kicked in.
<RAT-A-TAT-A-TAT>!  And then, from behind the couch, a
voice: "Would you turn off your goddamned security system
already?"  It was my mother.

"Surprise!" yelled everyone (except for Terry, who'd been
shot) as they popped out of their hiding places.  My
birthday.  I'd forgotten.  Streamers were thrown.  A cake
was brought in.  I was asked to make a speech.

"My friends," I said into the camera, "I was once in love
with a beautiful ice cream cone, which melted.  Don't ever
make this mistake.  Never.  Never, ever, ever."  Exhausted,
I broke down in tears.

-Sho
--
sho@physics.purdue.edu
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Modern Technology That We Use Here At Work
Date: 17 Dec 1992 18:01:18 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov


  "ELECTRONIC AMPLIFIERS: Both vacuum-tube and solid-state Operational
Amplifiers are in wide use, although the number of solid-state units
has already exceeded the number of vacuum-tube units still in service.
Without in any way detracting from the glorious record established by
Philbrick vacuum-tube amplifiers, it is manifest that modern solid-
state circuits have by now almost eclipsed that radiance.  The day of
the vacuum-tube Operational Amplifier may not be over, but it is
Twilight. . .
   Solid-state or vacuum-tube, the Rules of the Game are immutable.
Designing and manufacturing dependable yet economical Operational
Amplifiers demands the greatest care-- from circuit selection and
component quality assurance to flawless workmanship under controlled
conditions.  If the `Solid-State Revolution' has changed any of the
Rules, the effect has been to make Philbrick's depth of experience,
design integrity, and vigilance even more important."

  (from the Philbrick Researches, Inc. _Applications Manual for 
   Computing Amplifiers_)


Now, why don't modern manuals read like this?
--scott
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy)
Subject: postulate
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Summary: i have so much empty space in my head
Keywords: think
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 16:32:53 GMT

	if you will...

	if 	MEAT  ==  MURDER

       then	DOWN  ==  HARASSMENT
--
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: John Austin <jea1@cornell.edu>
Subject: Re: Ponytail Newbie
X-Xxdate: Wed, 16 Dec 92 14: 00:26 GMT
Nntp-Posting-User: jea1@cornell.edu
Organization: Boyce Thompson Institute
X-Useragent: Nuntius v1.1.1d9
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 13:53:54 GMT

In article <1gm5jnINN86v@uwm.edu> St Theresa of the Net,
terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu writes:
>Of course, you can have male-pattern baldness beginnings and still wear your
>hair in a ponytail and still look insanely attractive.

Ah.  There's hope, then.

Incidentally, I've found the following to be a useful rule of thumb:

When you shower, lather up your pits, and find more hair there than usual,
it's time for an inch-and-a-half trim.  Preserves a functional ponytail, yet
keeps those annoying tangles away.  (No OBNair comments, pls.)

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .
John Austin (jea1@cornell.edu)                                                 
Grafix 'R Us                              St. Terri:  How long *is* your waist?
Boyce Thompson Institute for Plant Research                                    
2347823 562 23456the incredible shrinking .sig69 127
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre