HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ph@cs.uow.edu.au (Phillip Herring)
Subject: The Essex girl joke
Followup-To: aus.jokes.d
Summary: heard it on "Drop the Dead Donkey"
Comment-About-Summary-1: Does anybody actually *read* the summary line 
Comment-About-Summary-2: on news articles?
Organization: Dept of Computer Science, Wollongong University, Australia
Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1993 01:06:59 GMT
Oh-And-Here-Is-Another: They think news headers are magic.
Another-Header-Line: It's amazing what you can put in here. 
Yet-Another-Header-Line: Most people are too scared to do this.


Why does an Essex girl have "C" and "A" on her knickers?

...so she doesn't put them on backwards.

-- 

-- Phil.
==========================================================================
        These opinions (c) 1992 Phil Herring (ph@cs.uow.edu.au)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: Y3111DAA@vm.univie.ac.at
Subject: Re: Frog Joke
Organization: University of Vienna
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 12:45:03 GMT

------------------------- Original Article -------------------------
A little kid comes up to his Grandfather and says:

Kid:     "Grandad, can you make a noise like a frog?"
Grandad: "Why yes, I can make a noise like a frog"

To which the boy replies

Kid:     "Great!, cos Mum said when you croak we can all go to
Disneyland!"

You must still be recovering from your New Year's hangover; this
joke was posted seven jokes ago.  Don't be offended, however:  it
wasn't funny in either case and I can't think of a joke [either]
at the moment.
From: rxkgt@minyos.xx.rmit.OZ.AU (George Tzanatos)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
Date: 9 Jan 1993 12:46:57 GMT
Organization: RMIT Computer Centre
NNTP-Posting-Host: minyos.xx.rmit.oz.au

erhellfr@cip.informatik.uni-erlangen.de (Edgar Hellfritsch) writes:

>s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper) writes:

>>Here is proof that it is natural to drive on the left hand side of the
>>road.

>>In olden times, when roads were first beginning to emerge, the sword
>>was the prefered weapon.  As most people are right handed the sword
......
>>riders, leaving the left hand riders with greater opportunity to
>>breed.

>>When that just about proves it I guess.

>Hmmm. Why then do you nowadays mount your car from the righthand side,
                                ^^^^^ 
>i.e the centre-of-the-road side? Natural selection in the shape of
>trucks or taxi cabs is still working today, isn't it?

Whatever takes your fancy...

& Who let the depraved loose ?? &

George.
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: ianst@qdpii.comp.qdpi.oz.au (Ian Staples)
Subject: From the Cairns Post
Summary: Possibly derivative jokes from the deep north.
Organization: Qld Dept Primary Industries
Distribution: aus
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 08:07:42 GMT

Our local paper, _The Cairns_Post_, has been running a series of "funny
stories" and miscellaneous jokes recently.  I apologise to readers if
you have seen them elsewhere.  (It *does* seem likely that only the place
names have been changed to provide pseudo-relevance to locals.  But I don't
read _Australasian_Post_, so I'm afraid I don't know for sure :)

How to stop a leak:

Customer told a sales assistant in a Cairns hardware store that she wanted
a three quarter inch [19 mm for you young ones] plug.

Assistant:  "Do you want a male plug or a female plug, or both?"

Woman:  "I just want to stop a leak.  I don't plan to raise a family of them."

                                                             (CP 6 Jan 1993)


-- 
Ian Staples                       | Internet : ianst@qdpii.comp.qdpi.oz.au
c/- P.O. Box 1054,                | Fax      : +61 (0)70 923 593
MAREEBA  Queensland  4880         | Voice    : +61 (0)70 921 555
Australia.                        | Home     : +61 (0)70 924 847
Newsgroups: aus.jokes.d
Subject: Re: Pick the odd one 
From: stamm@lure.latrobe.edu.au
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 02:00:37 GMT
Organization: VAX Cluster, Computer Centre, La Trobe University 

In article <crasas.119.0@erebus.hie.unimelb.edu.au>, crasas@erebus.hie.unimelb.edu.au (Craig Sasse) writes:
> 
>   Pick the odd on: Fridge, Washing Machine, Women, TV
> 
>   The TV. All the others leak when F*#@ed

Do you know how I feel when I read this?
I feel like shit.

I thought humour was meant to make me feel good, not hammer me 

                        into 
                              the
                                    depths.


Even if I was a man I don't reckon I'd feel good about it. 


Please, someone, 
give me a joke, 
a story,                         
an anecdote,                                         my life
                                             lighten
                       a little something to   
                                                    


Milena :-(   Down, dooby doo down down.
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Pick the odd one
From: meachen@med.wcc.govt.nz (Red)
Date: 7 Jan 1993 05:22:00 GMT
Reply-To: meachen@med.wcc.govt.nz
Organization: Wellington City Council, Wgtn, NZ
NNTP-Posting-Host: blade.wcc.govt.nz

In article <crasas.119.0@erebus.hie.unimelb.edu.au>, crasas@erebus.hie.unimelb.edu.au (Craig Sasse) writes:
>
>  Pick the odd on: Fridge, Washing Machine, Women, TV
>
>  The TV. All the others leak when F*#@ed

Ah but how do you make a man do sit-ups?

Put the remote control between his feet.

--
Red
From: s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
Date: 9 Jan 93 19:35:37 +1000
Organization: University of New South Wales

In article <1iikk9INN30g@sunaus.Aus.Sun.COM>, peterb@yitbos.Aus.SUN.COM (Peter Boothby - Sun Melbourne SE) writes:
>>In article <1993Jan6.165846.3698@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au> s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper) writes:
>>
>>>Here is proof that it is natural to drive on the left hand side of the
>>>road.
>>
>> [Copies of the deleted proof may be obtained from the next issue of
>>  Science]
>>
>>>When that just about proves it I guess.
>>
> 
> I forwarded this to my father by e-mail and recieved the following reply:
> 
>         Of course this Cameron Hooper person is massaging an old story into 
> something dull and without merit.  The actual facts are quite different.  They
> need airing.
> 
>         Oxford Don, Martin Twekesberry, a specialist in the-easily-explained, 
> made the observation in the British magazine "Nature" in October of 1949 that 
> most people in all societies pick their noses with their  left hand and ride 
> in cars that allow them to do their after-excavation-flicking out the left 
> window and thus into the guttter.  On the other hand, most Muslims, who can 
> afford to drive a car, cannot or choose not to use bathroom tissue and by long
> custom, use the left hand for the same purpose that we westerners use the more
> genteel rolled product.  When the Muslims began driving around with their left
> hand on top of the car, the western dirivers did not know why, but thought it 
> very sporty and followed suit and at once saluted the people on the port side 
> of the car.  That is all there is to this non-story.  Hooper should find 
> something more enlightening to write about. Swords, Indeed!
> 
> 
> ---
> Pete Boothby

Wow, I'll have to go back to my notes.  How could "Nature" have been so
off the track?  

-- 
Cameron Hooper
s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.oz.au
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
What's another way of describing the bottom of a recession?  The start
of the recovery.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: crasas@erebus.hie.unimelb.edu.au (Craig Sasse)
Subject: Pick the odd one 
Organization: Hawthorn Institute of Education
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 04:18:14 GMT


  Pick the odd on: Fridge, Washing Machine, Women, TV

  The TV. All the others leak when F*#@ed
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: johnd@cortex.physiol.su.oz.au (John Dodson)
Subject: Re: Frog Joke
Organization: Department of Physiology, University of Sydney, NSW, Australia
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 21:40:29 GMT

In <1993Jan5.125254.1968@newssrv.edvz.univie.ac.at> Y3111DAA@vm.univie.ac.at writes:

>>------------------------- Original Article -------------------------
>>A little kid comes up to his Grandfather and says:
>
>>Kid:     "Grandad, can you make a noise like a frog?"
>>Grandad: "Why yes, I can make a noise like a frog"
>
>>To which the boy replies
>
>>Kid:     "Great!, cos Mum said when you croak we can all go to
>>Disneyland!"

>You must still be recovering from your New Year's hangover; this
>joke was posted seven jokes ago.  Don't be offended, however:  it
>wasn't funny in either case and I can't think of a joke [either]
>at the moment.

Perhaps it was in the christmas crackers ? ;-)

johnd@physiol.su.oz.au
Newsgroups: aus.computers
Subject: Internet access required
From: Graham Dombkins <GRAHAM.G.R.DOMBKINS@BHPMELMSM.BHP.bhpmel04.telememo.au>
Date: 6 Jan 93 12:56:47 +1000
Distribution: world
Organization: BHP Information Technology
X-UserAgent: Nuntius v1.1.1d12
X-XXDate: Wed, 6 Jan 93 20:59:38 GMT

Hi all,

    I wonder if anybody here can help me. I have a friend who would like
to get internet access from his home pc. I remember helping out another
friend many years back and getting them a Runix account. This was a group
from Sydney (I don't remember their address) who would hire out accounts
on their VAX(?) for about $50 a year. You could then dial in and have
access to the internet and therefore news even if you had nothing to do
with a University and IT company. Does anybody here know any groups in
the Sydney/Wollongong region that still do this? Thanks for the help.

========================================================================
               :  Graham Dombkins
      /\/\     :  Personal Computer Services
     / / /\    :  BHP Information Technology
    / / /  \   :  151-155 King St, Warrawong, NSW 2502, AUSTRALIA
   / / / /\ \  :  A.C.N. 006 476 218
   \ \/ / / /  :  Phone       +61-42-757522 ext 6998
    \  / / /   :  Fax         +61-42-757908
     \/\/\/    :  E-mail      GRAHAM.G.R.DOMBKINS@
               :              BHPMELMSM.BHP.bhpmel04.telememo.au
               :  AppleLink   AUST0387
               :  X.400       G=GRAHAM I=GR S=DOMBKINS OU=BHPMELMSM O=BHP
               :              P=BHPMEL04 A=TELEMEMO C=AU
========================================================================
      "Hello Earth!!                    "I'm out chasing
       hello earth..." - KT              nuns in the yard..." - TA
========================================================================
Newsgroups: aus.computers.amiga
From: GEN2010@Husky1.StMarys.Ca (ROSS BILLARD)
Subject: In need of a half way decent wardialer.
Organization: St. Mary's University, Halifax, N.S., Canada
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 21:34:57 GMT
X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.13.SMU


Hey all, I was just wondering if any of you knew where I could find a half
way decent wardialer. I got CyberTerm from Amiga.physik and its okay, but
it does have bugs.... I was wondering if anyone knew of a more reliable
dialer...

If so, you'll have a Canuck forever in your debt...
                                                      
     _________ ______   ______   ___________________________________________
    /________//  __  \ /  __  \ /  ______   _______________________________/
   _________ /  /_/  //  / /  //  /____ /  /____  Ross Billard
  /________//  _   _//  /_/  / \_____  \\_____  \ Gen2010@husky1.stmarys.ca
 _________ /  / \  \_\______/_______/  /_____/  / Saint Marys University
/________//__/   \_____________________________/  Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.
"And the knowledge that they fear, is a weapon to be used against them."-Rush
Newsgroups: aus.computers.amiga
From: doucas@cerberus.bhpese.oz.au (Chris Doucas)
Subject: A4000 arriving in Australia?
Organization: BHP Information Technology
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 01:24:08 GMT
Followup-To: aus.computers.amiga

Need info on Where, When, How (much), Why(buy) on the A4000 in Australia.
Is it here yet? 

>              ______________________________________________________________
Regards,      | BHP Information Technology | eMAIL:
-------       | PO Box 216                 |  doucas@cerberus.bhpese.oz.au 
              | Hamilton, NSW              | FAX:                PHONE:  
the Duke..    | Australia 2303             |  +(63) 49 40 2165 / ..40 2135 

   
                 >> A Fool With A Tool Is Still A Fool ! << 
Newsgroups: aus.computers.amiga
From: davidme@qdpii.comp.qdpi.oz.au (David Meiklejohn)
Subject: A2286 AT Bridgeboard for sale
Organization: Qld Dept Primary Industries
Distribution: aus
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 09:28:44 GMT

There've been a few "For Sale" notices here recently (people buying A4000s
perhaps?  :-), so here's another one.

I have an A2286 that I find I don't use now I can bring home a notebook
from work whenever I need to use a PC.  So, out it goes for the low, low
price of $400 + shipping.  This includes the A2286 with 1MB RAM and a 1.2MB
5 1/4" floppy drive.  Plus, I'll throw in MSDOS 5.0, complete with manual.

In addition, I have a 40MB 3 1/2" MiniScribe IDE hard drive (28ms), complete
with AT interface card.  Works great with the Bridgeboard, and I'll sell it
to you for a mere $200 + shipping.

I'll sell these together or separately - I'm not fussy.  Get in touch if
interested...

-- 
David Meiklejohn (davidme@qdpii.comp.qdpi.oz.au)
 - PC's, Unix, and networks by day, Amigas by night...
Currently residing in Mareeba, Far North Queensland, Australia
From: axg708@cscgpo.anu.edu.au (Ashraf Ghebranious)
Newsgroups: aus.computers.amiga
Subject: Games for Sale
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 03:16:35 GMT
Organization: Australian National University
NNTP-Posting-Host: 130.56.5.23

I have the following boxed games for sale, all for the AMIGA.
 
	Simant
	Dragon Wars
	Dungeon Master
	Eye Of The Beholder I
	Tintin on the Moon
	TV Sports Basketball
	TV Sports Football
	It Came From the Desert
	Lords Of The Rising Sun
	Budokan
	WindWalker
	Rise of the Dragon
	Pro Tennis Tour
	Leisure Suit Larry 2
	Loom
	Les Manley's Search for the King
	
	and a few more that I cant remember right now.

Make an offer. All MUST go. Discounts for bulk orders. Deliever charges 
extra. Anyone out there interested in buying themselves a little belated 
XMAS present?

**********************************************************************
"Jesus woman! I dont give a f___!" Rhett Butler (slighty paraphrased)

Ashraf Ghebranious                           axg708@cscgpo.anu.edu.au
                                      Australian National University
**********************************************************************
Newsgroups: aus.computers.amiga
From: dconnors@gucis.cit.gu.edu.au (David Connors)
Subject: Amiga 500 + a590 [Brisbane]
Summary: Amiga 500 and a590 for sale in the Brisbane Area.
Organization: Griffith University.
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 23:33:33 GMT


FOR SALE
~~~~~~~~

Amiga 500
a590 Hard Drive Interface
20 Meg Western Digital SCSI Drive (NOT IDE!!)
3 Meg of RAM
Commodore 1010 External Drive

The system has been well loved for a few years and is in pretty good nick. 
I'm asking somewhere around the 700 -> 800 dollar mark and the price
is negotiable. All offers considered (at least ;-)

If it's being sent interstate we'll come to some sort of arrangement though
I will give prefernce to local buyers for the sake of simplicity. 

If you're interested, reply to this article or mail:

dconnors@gucis.cit.gu.edu.au
sctconno@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au
dave@splat.aarnet.edu.au



   Dave Connors - D.Connors@sct.gu.edu.au     Griffith University, Australia
 - -- ---=-==-=================================================-==--=--- -- -
    " When will I learn?  The answer to my problems isn't at the bottom of
                          a bottle -- it's on TV!"
                              - Homer Simpson
 - -- ---=-==-=================================================-==--=--- -- -
Newsgroups: aus.computers
Subject: Re: Internet access required
From: Graham Dombkins <GRAHAM.G.R.DOMBKINS@BHPMELMSM.BHP.bhpmel04.telememo.au>
Date: 6 Jan 93 13:10:25 +1000
Distribution: world
Organization: BHP Information Technology
X-UserAgent: Nuntius v1.1.1d12
X-XXDate: Wed, 6 Jan 93 21:13:08 GMT

Damm, first time in years that I actually post to this group (let alone
read it) and what do I find right after I mail this request?? The PAX
thread THATS what... hmmm... anyway you can all disregard my last message.

- Graham

========================================================================
               :  Graham Dombkins
      /\/\     :  Personal Computer Services
     / / /\    :  BHP Information Technology
    / / /  \   :  151-155 King St, Warrawong, NSW 2502, AUSTRALIA
   / / / /\ \  :  A.C.N. 006 476 218
   \ \/ / / /  :  Phone       +61-42-757522 ext 6998
    \  / / /   :  Fax         +61-42-757908
     \/\/\/    :  E-mail      GRAHAM.G.R.DOMBKINS@
               :              BHPMELMSM.BHP.bhpmel04.telememo.au
               :  AppleLink   AUST0387
               :  X.400       G=GRAHAM I=GR S=DOMBKINS OU=BHPMELMSM O=BHP
               :              P=BHPMEL04 A=TELEMEMO C=AU
========================================================================
      "Hello Earth!!                    "I'm out chasing
       hello earth..." - KT              nuns in the yard..." - TA
========================================================================
Newsgroups: aus.computers
Subject: Acorns & LISP
From: agapow@latcs1.lat.oz.au (p-m agapow)
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 00:30:55 GMT
Distribution: aus
Organization: Calvin Coolidge Home for Dead Biologists


Hi folks,

i've just had a call from someone wanting to know if some of our software
is available for the Acorn. Now porting could be a trivial task given a
bit of luck as we've got it written under AKCL (Austin-Kyoto Common LISP)
and Procyon Common LISP. So ...

1. Is AKCL (or indeed any LISP) available for the Acorn? Are they any
   good?
2. Any tricks or traps for porting to the Acorn?
3. What's the market penetration of Acorns at the moment?

Thanks

p-m

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
paul-michael agapow (agapow@latcs1.oz.au) Machine Intelligence Lab, LaTrobe Uni

        "Teenage sex, nuclear winter, Junior Miss fashion 
               & the mechanics of emotional capitalism ..."
From: Alan.Sawyer@f158.n633.z3.fidonet.org (Alan Sawyer)
Newsgroups: aus.computers.ibm-pc
Subject: Error!!!
Date: Sat, 02 Jan 1993 20:46:32

Hi there. 
I'm hoping if someone out there could gve me some advice. 
I own a 105mb toshiba HD which has been running fine but over the 
past month or som I have been getting 
NOT READY READING DRIVE C. 
What could be causeing this? 
I have a Toshiba 105mb hd on Drive D: but there are no faults on that. 
I have run Norton Utils on drive C: and it reports no faults.What 
could be the cause of this? 
CYA! 
 
 
... OFFLINE 1.40 * Thank you very much.(In advance.) 
 * Origin: The Enterprise <Line 1>, Karingal, Vic, +61-3-776-7089 (3:633/158)
Newsgroups: aus.computers.ibm-pc
From: remek@mamura.ee.mu.oz.au (Remek Lipinski)
Subject: SCSI and IDE coexistance info needed (URGENT!!)
Organization: Electrical and Electronic - University of Melbourne 
Distribution: aus
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 12:18:05 GMT

I have a question which requires a rather urgent answer, I have to set up
a system but need to know if an IDE hard disc can coexist with a SCSI hard
disk, and if so are there any limitations to how they have to be configured
or what type drives can work together. Any help will be grately appreciated,
and if you would be so kind please e-mail any suggestions as I do not get
the chance to read this news group often. Thanks,
							Remek.
===============================================================================
** Remek Lipinski   :  remek@mullian.ee.mu.OZ.AU                             **
**                                              "I'll be back!"  - T800      **
===============================================================================
Newsgroups: aus.computers.ibm-pc
From: remek@mamura.ee.mu.oz.au (Remek Lipinski)
Subject: PC Software for sale (Melb)
Organization: Electrical and Electronic - University of Melbourne 
Distribution: melb
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 22:59:19 GMT



		FOR SALE: PC SOFTWARE (IBM)

GAMES:


	o  Space Ace				$25

	o  Future Wars				$20

				or		$40 for both. 


PROGRAMMING:

	o  Sound Blaster		
           Software Development Toolkit		$60

				or		$85 the lot.	


All software in original packaging and with manuals.



Call Remek on:  BH 344-6714
                AH 879-2610
            e-mail remek@mullian.ee.mu.oz.au
===============================================================================
** Remek Lipinski   :  remek@mullian.ee.mu.OZ.AU                             **
**                                              "I'll be back!"  - T800      **
===============================================================================
From: trevor.romer@f54.n54.z3.fido.zeta.org.au (Trevor Romer)
Newsgroups: aus.computers.ibm-pc
Subject: PAGELASER12 CABLE
Organization: Fidonet. Gate admin is fido@socs.uts.edu.au
Date: 31 Dec 92 02:07:00 GMT

Could anyone assist me?  I have a Toshiba PageLaser12 Printer and I recently
purchased a second hand envelope feeder for same.  Unfortunately it did not
come with the required connecting cable.  Toshiba advise me that I can buy
a cable from them for $109.  I think this is vastly overpriced as I could
make one for around $20 (if I had to buy the pieces, which I don't).

I have made a cable with all lines wire straight through but it doesnt work.
Toshiba have also advised that they cannot (or will not) tell me how the 
cable is wired.  Can anyone help me?

Cable is from PageLaser12 to Envelope Feeder details as follows:

P/L12 plug         25 pin "D" socket female
Envelope Feeder    25 pin "D" socket female
Cable              25 pin "D" plug male each end (ie. it has the pins)

The Envelope Feeder only uses the following pins:

	3       5       7       11      12      13      14
	15      16      17      18      19      24      1 (earth)

Pins 2 & 20 are blocked on the P/L12 and the Envelope Feeder.

I posted this message some weeks ago and a number of respondants suggested
I get a copy of the technical manual.  Unfortunately, Toshiba Australia 
advised me that that the technical manuals are no longer available.

many thanks
      
      .... Trevor


--- TMail v1.31.1
 * Origin: Prophet BBS - Western Sydney, Australia (3:54/54)
Newsgroups: aus.computers.ibm-pc
Subject: Re: SOUND cards, PLEASE Help!
From: byrnes@cbr.hhcs.gov.au
Date: 5 Jan 93 10:43:09 +1000
Distribution: aus
Organization: Aust. Dept. Health, Housing and Community Services

In article <pet.725067888@munagin>, pet@mullian.ee.mu.OZ.AU (paul eng-yi tan) writes:
> A friend of mine is looking for a Soundblaster type card
> which has 44.1 KHz sampling capability AND 96 dB signal-to-noise ratio.
> This is equivalent to CD quality. He's found one with 48 dB SNR but
> that's not good enough.
> 
> Please help!
> What model should he be looking for, and if possible where can it
> be found?
> Thanks!
> 
> Paul
> 
Try the Pro Audio Spectrum 16, or the Soundblaster 16, or the Microsoft Windows
Sound System, or the Turtle Beach Multisound board... There is a galaxy of
choices in terms of CD quality boards now. All are generally available from the
larger retail outlets. The latest issue of PC World (Australia) reviews a bunch
of them.