Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How to ask someone out?
From: peregrin@husc13.harvard.edu
Date: 29 Jul 92 11:18:29 EDT
Organization: Harvard Business School

In article <92210.201520ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET>, ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET (S. A-L) writes:
> About how to approach women "in bars, on the street" and ask them out (did I
> get that one right?  As a woman, one with a pretty active Inner Victorian,
> don't ask women out in bars or on the street, although that's just me and my
> I.V.'s opinion.  You see, you haven't been "properly introduced."  Now, what,
> you are probably asking, in this day and age, constitutes a proper introduction
> ?????.  Almost anything except a bar or club.  If friends introduce you, great.
> Even if you're simply engaged in similar activities, like staying up all night
> at the computing site at school, waiting for a late bus, doing laundry, sitting
> at a party, walking your dogs... The point is that asking someone out, IMHO,
> involves context.
> 

	Hmmm.  I agree that context is involved, but I disagree that a bar or
club is a bad context.  Perhaps a poorer one.

	When asking/getting-asked in a bar/club/on-street, you have to make
up your mind quickly, because there is no guarentee you'll see the person
again.  Hence you have a higher risk because you have to trust your first
instincts.
	In the bar/club scene people are generally not acting like their
usual selves.  They have put on an image by dressing up, by being aware that
they are "in public."  This statement should probably be interpreted in a
cultural context, since in the US, far fewer of us use the bar/club/saloon
scene as our primary (prefered) means of social interaction.
	You also have alcohol involved, which makes people bolder and more
talkative than usual.  For some this is a benefit because some of their
inner self comes out.  For some this is not a benefit because alcohol allows
them the confidence to feel more comfortable in whatever image they choose
to project.
	Anyway, you have to draw your conclusion around one data point.
You will be able to make a far more accurate (increase your confidence
interval) decision if you 

	A) Don't feel rushed to make a decision because you will have further
	   opportunities to get to know the person. [A better context]

		or

	B) Have reason to believe there is a satisfactory history of the
	   person. [a context where you are introduced by friends]


[munch] 
>  Also, with the crime rate in the U.S. the way it is, I don't know many smart
> women who will go out with strangers off the street.  If they do, they probably
> have lots of faith in their own "maniac detector."  

	Alas, there are still no guarentees that you won't meet a maniac 
even if you are introduced by to the person by a friend.  Perhaps you lower
the risk.  But some people are just time-bombs waiting for the proper moment
...


[munch]
> 
> 
>   Stefani the Archaeology Widow
>   Hey, can someone e-mail me, and tell me how to append bits of other's posts
>    to my replies?  I feel so left out.

	That depends on the software you are using . . .

-James
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