From: luong@fps.com (Luong Nguyen-Duy)
Subject: Re: [joke] student blooper (continue)
Organization: Cray Research Superservers Inc., San Diego CA, USA
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1992 18:38:35 GMT

In article <2243@unet.UUCP> hoan@moe.net.com (-Dinh Hoa`n) writes:
>From: letu1419@hgc.edu (T)
>
>> Hi There,
>> I vote this article the SCV funniest joke in 1992.  Can we have some more ?
>> 
>> Joke lover
>
>Hi y'all:
>
>Glad many of you like it.  That was really funny, wasn't it :-)  Thanks for
>the vote.  However, I deserve no credits as the article was given.  Students
>who tried to rewrite history should get the vote.  Here's a few more pieces
>for you reading pleasure.
>

Those real-life jokes are from the book "Anguished English" by
Richard Lederer, an English teacher.  Here are some more gems :

	- A virgin forest is a place where the hand of man never set foot

	- Although the patient had never been fatally ill, he woke up dead

Here some from people writing to the state welfare department :

	- In according to your instructions I have given birth to twin in
		the enclosed envelope

	- I want my money as quick as I can get it.  I've been in bed with
		a doctor for two weeks and he does not do me any good.
		If things don't improve, I'll have to send for another doctor

Here are some from courtrooms :

	- Q :  You say you are innocent, yet five people swore they saw you
		steal a watch

	  A :  Your honor, I can produce 500 people he didn't see me steal
		it

	- Q :  Do you know how far pregnant you are now ?

	  A :  I will be three months Nov 8th
	  Q : Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th
	  A : Yes
	  Q : What were you and your husband doing at that time ?



Well go buy the book for yourself.  It's the best Six dollars you ever spend.


Luong Nguyen-Duy



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>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>[ The inhabitants of  ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in 
>[ the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is 
>[ such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain area of 
>[ dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in
>[ the shape of a huge triangular cube.
>[ 
>[ The bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book
>[ of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
>[ One of their children, Cain, once asked "Amy I my brother's son?"
>[ 
>[ Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses 
>[ led them to the Red sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread 
>[ made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went to Mount Cyanide
>[ to get the tea commandments.
>[ 
>[ Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented 
>[ three kinds of columns -- Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths.
>[ A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped
>[ him in the river Stynx until he became untollerable. Achilles appears
>[ in Illad, by Homer. Homer also wrote the Oddity.
>[ 
>[ In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and
>[ threw the java.
>[ 
>[ Eventually the Romons conquered the Geeks. History calls the people
>[ Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman
>[ banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar 
>[ extinguished himself in the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March
>[ murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was
>[ a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing fiddle to them.
>[ 
>[ Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King
>[ Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery. King Harold mustarded his troops 
>[ before the battle of Hastings and Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard 
>[ Shaw. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged 
>[ twice for the same offense.
>


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