From: williamt@athena.Eng.Sun.COM (Dances with Drums)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: ISO Bi-Fem and Girlfriend
Date: 29 Sep 1992 21:27:35 GMT
Organization: Sun Microsystems Inc., Mountain View, CA
Reply-To: williamt@athena.Eng.sun.com (Dances with Drums)
NNTP-Posting-Host: athena

In article <MUFFY.92Sep29103638@remarque.berkeley.edu> muffy@remarque.berkeley.edu (Muffy Barkocy) writes:
>
>It is not the "indicating interest" that causes women (or anyone, I
>would think) to be "put off," it is the fact that the interest is in a
>single feature, rather than the whole person.
---
	But does anyone really 'know' a whole person?  The real issue is
that I have to be interested in some arbitrary set of features chosen
by you, for example for you to be flattered.  

	If you were attracted to my intelligence, but I really wanted you
to be attracted to my body, I could be put off as well.  


>  For example, if someone
>was interested in you for no other reason than that you had blond hair,
>and they would have sex with you without even wanting to know anything
>else about you, would you find that appealing?
---
	Depends.  If I was attracted to them for whatever reasons, like
maybe they had dark hair, had a thin, attractive body, and were interested in
computers, I might (:-)).  It would also depend on my situation though --
like if I am in a relationship that would allow that.

	We are talking about sex here, not a lifetime relationship, or
perhaps not even a relationship at all, in the base sense.  One might
want *more* than that, one might not.

>  Perhaps you would, I do
>not know.  I know that I would not, and do not.  If a person wants to
>sleep with just a feature, they can find someone besides me to do it
>with.
---
	Even if they regard you as a feature *attraction*?  Sorry.  :-)
The fact is, you can't know a 'whole' person quickly.  In fact, some
would argue that you can never know a 'whole' person -- that person
may not even know themselves!  If someone tells you, you have beautiful
eyes, I want to swim deeply in them, I suspect that would be far
more favorably received than if someone tells you, you have great
legs and I would love to have them wrapped around me.  Yet in both cases,
it is only 1 feature that is mentioned.


>I have heard men complain that women are only interested in money,
>status, or success.  What if a woman lit up when she found out that you
>had a couple thousand dollars in your pocket?  Would you be pleased?
---
	Some men actually *like* visiting prostitutes so I suspect they would
be pleased.  I have a different set of arbitrary criteria.

	Here is the bottom line, though.  If _I_ *wanted* to sleep with a woman,
and found out that the only reason she wanted to sleep with me was
my blonde hair, should I change my mind just because she wants me for
the 'wrong' reason?  Sure the relationship may go no where, but maybe
that need not be a requirement of every woman I meet.  I feel that
more women than men would change their mind about *wanting* to sleep
with a guy if they found out he just was attracted to their body (even
multiple features of that body, even!).


william
>Muffy

--
"If your annual income today is $50,000, you have the same buying power as
the average coal miner did in 1949, adjusted for taxes and inflation," John
Sestina, nationally recognized Certified Financial Planner;  quoted in 1987.