From: hoyle@beaufort.sfu.ca (Michelle Hoyle)
Subject: Re: Dating an older woman
Organization: Simon Fraser University, Burnaby, B.C., Canada
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 18:23:43 GMT

wall@hel4.brl.mil (Jeff Wall) writes:

>In article <1992Sep25.154107.21029@tinman.mke.ab.com> incorban@mke.ab.com
>(Isaac Corban1) writes:
>>Heres the story.  I'm a guy in his mid 20's and I've recently started dating
>>a woman in her upper 30's (maybe 40? I haven't asked).  The difference in
>>age doesn't bother me but there is one thing that has me a little concerned.
>>She is divorced with two children, an 18 year old daughter and a 12 year old
>>son.  If you stop and think about the fact that the I'm closer in age to the
>>daughter than to the woman I'm dating, well I'm worried about how her kids
>>are going to react.  Intellectually I believe that it should not matter.
>>Years of conservative social indoctrination has got me confused about the
>>entire situation though.  Anyone out there been in a similar situation?
>>anyone got any advice for me?

>I dated an older woman for about a year.  I was 23 and she was 36.  She had two
>boys, 6 and 10 years old.  This was really no problem in my situation the kids
>were young enough that I wasn't going to be identifying with them.  The
>realationship went really well, the only reason we aren't seeing each other now
>is that I had to move.  :-(
>I really had no problem with her age, in fact I enjoyed the more mature aspects
>of our relationship.  There wasn't the insecurity that I've experienced in
>other relationships.  Also, the relationship was much more laid back and
>calmer, there wasn't the petty whining the I have experienced with women my own
>age or younger.  I attribute this to her maturity.

As a female, I just thought that I would drop my $0.50 into the conversation.
I'm not a man, but I did have a common-law marriage with a man who was 8
years older than myself.  We did not dissolve our relationship because of
the difference in ages.  In fact, unless other people commented upon it,
we did not notice.  I think that the age difference actually benefitted us
both in a lot of ways.  For example, he was much more calm and patient, whereas
I was more excitable and outgoing.  We complemented age with youth and came
up with a wonderful working combination.  I certainly have no regrets and
now, as friends, we still get along wonderfully well despite the age gap.
  
I have to wonder though, how large a gap is too large?  I recently watched
a few talk shows on television on topic.  Shirley (A Canadian talk show)
had couples with large age gaps and Oprah Winfrey had younger men dating
older women.  The largest age gap on Shirley was an 16 year old girl
dating a man in his late thirties, early forties.  The man was old enough
to be her father, but her mother approved, and they were going to get
married.  That's quite a substantial age gap.  Is that right?
 
On Oprah, one of her guests was a man in his twenties dating a woman
in her forties.  The woman had a daughter who was in her early twenties.
The daughter was almost the same age as the man her mother was dating and
she found this quite upsetting.

Is 8 years too much?  No, not for me.  Is 23 years too much?  Well, I have
to stop and contemplate.  How about for you?

Michelle -- A Quirky Blonde Sysop of a Different Flavou
 @The Human Impact Lab (HIL-Vancouver)
  CA (604) 251-7677



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