Newsgroups: bit.listserv.psycgrad
Date:         Fri, 20 Nov 1992 10:46:53 EST
              <PSYCGRAD@UOTTAWA.BITNET>
From:         Matthew Simpson <054340@UOTTAWA.BITNET>
Subject:      re: departmental sex (subject for gossip? NOT!)
              19 Nov 1992 23:52:48 -0700 from <MONCRIET@CGSVAX.CLAREMONT.EDU>

WARNING: The response contained herein was compiled by someone who has
a seething hate for gossip.  It probably shows in the letter.

On Thu, 19 Nov 1992 23:52:48 -0700 Chronically, Nonterminally Ill said:
>Also, in your departments, is it considered "taboo" to date people in
>your programmes?

Absolutely not taboo.  Monika and I just got married last August.
Another couple (woops) two other couples in the department are
engaged.  What the big hubbub?

>It sorta was at Claremont, but recently some people
>have been doing it, and it's not being looked down upon as harshly (by
>the way, this is my impression of how other grads looked at it,
>judging from the gossip).

I think that one should NEVER JUDGE FROM GOSSIP!
I can't think of anything socially worse than passing judgment
based on second-hand news.  1. Gossip is not reliable.  2. Gossip
in not valid.  3. Gossip is incredibly manipulative and corrupt and
(I find) conveys more of the psychological agenda of others than
communicates useful information.

Here is an exercise anyone might want to give a try.  Locate the people
(or person) who is the source of the gossip.  Compare how these people
gossip in comparison to how others (less frequent gossipers) participate.
This is nothing more that an assertion.  Some people really like to gossip.
I would like to compare the frequency of soap-opera watching on these
people with others who do not like to gossip.

>I have heard of departments where the faculty gossip so badly that if
>a female grad works for any period of time with a male faculty member,
>everyone assumes they are having sex.  The grads at this school were
>pretty upset by it, (quite understandably) but it also makes me think
>that somewhere along the line it must have happened there, or they
>wouldn't keep gossiping.

The question I have is, how do you know the faculty is gossiping?
Who is telling you this?  (I don't really want to know).  You see,
by focussing all of your attention on "the faculty" when you are
in the middle of a conversation with your friend(s), you cannot be
attending to the nature of the process in which you and your friends
are engaging.

(Now I'm going to get really sarcastic and nasty)
But don't think about things like this.  It is more
important for you to discover the truth behind what is going on in
your department.  What are those people really up to?  Does this
kind of thing happen everywhere?  Is "it" okay?  Is this the kind
of thing that people should be doing?
(I don't mean a word in this paragraph.  I think these questions are
ugly when shared through gossip in any group of people).

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