From: ewillims@unix1.tcd.ie (Emma Williams)
Subject: Re: The Engaged Psychobitch from Hell Syndrome
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin
Date: Sun, 27 Sep 1992 16:35:44 GMT

In <lc6tfeINNj56@news.bbn.com> dhardin@bbn.com (Dawn Hardin) writes:

>In article <ewillims.717415483@unix1.tcd.ie> ewillims@unix1.tcd.ie (Emma Williams) writes:
>>
>>	Well, Dawn, the first thing I have to say is that you have two
>>very special and rare friends there and evidently they both felt secure 
>>enough in their love for each other to offer.  However, I do feel that it
>>wouldn't be right for everybody.  There is always the possibility that it
>>could cause some confusion in people's emotions and maybe damage the
>>trust in the relationship between the engaged couple and between the 
>>two best friends. I'm not saying that this would have happened to you and
>>your friends but it is something that could happen in a similar situation.

>I think we really do agree on this topic and it just LOOKED like you were
>being judgemental about people who structured their relationships differently.
>I don't think it's right for everyone either.  I also think you're right
>about the potential for damage.  That's why I said no.


	God forbid that I be "judgmental" about other people's
relationships! (*laughter*)  I really think that I brought up the subject 
in the first place because although it works for some people I am very
very bewildered (is that the word I want to use here?) about that
sort of set-up.  For me, it's like trying to understand someone who 
is speaking to me in another language.....
Again, I reiterate and emphasise (and belabour the point!:) that I am
only referring to "extremely serious commitment" here....
I'm all for having fun and dating as often as you want with as many 
as you want until you have found your life-long mate!:)
 

>>An interesting point occurred to me on reading your article....why
>>should it matter that they're married now?  I mean if they are seriously
>>committed to each other, why should a ceremony particularly enforce that
>>committment?  I'm not saying I don't believe in the institution of 
>>marriage, I do!  But  I do feel that there shouldn't be a real
>>difference between their feelings for each other in the morning before
>>they marrry and the afternoon after they marry; of course I am aware that
>>years of marriage will make that committment grow stronger...but then again
>>so would years of being together in any way.


>>Having said all that, I really know that as far as I was concerned I 
>>would not want my fiance/lover to sleep with anyone else no matter 
>>what the reason, even for an altruistic one or because he was living
>>a long way away from me (actually, I would worry about that!:).
>>But, as I said before...maybe it's a personal or cultural thing...but
>>I'm very possessive that way..there is a limit to the notion we were
>>taught as children "Always share your toys with your friends" (*laughter*)

>I wouldn't want to be in a polyamorous relationships either.  Normal ones
>are complicated enough.  But I also don't think that they're *wrong*, and
>I don't think that being in a non-exclusive relationship means that the
>committment is necessarily any less.


	Again I say that I don't think they are *wrong*, just that I
am so sure that it would be wrong for me that I was interested in
seeing how it worked for others.  I would hate to be classed as 
someone who was intolerant and fanatical about ideas that were 
different from mine!