From: judson@watserv.ucr.edu (Mike Judson)
Newsgroups: alt.whine
Subject: Re: Damnit, I'm sick of California!!!!
Date: 22 Jan 93 07:38:02 GMT
Reply-To: judson@watserv.ucr.edu

In article <25341@galaxy.ucr.edu> santafe@watserv.ucr.edu (michael a parisi)  
writes:
# 
# 
# 
# 
# I'm sooo friggin sick of the rain, crime, police helicopters,
# Dennys in Hemet, buttkegs, bitchy kodaks, school, pig biology teachers,
# anal roommates, the stains on the carpets, the smells in the 
# bathroom, the idiots in wheelchairs in the labs, the reruns of the
# Simpsons, the stupid Deep Space Nine show, the lack of good 
# television, the sight of Clinton's daughter, the dog next door,
# the crooked lawyers, the drunk judges, the lack of chicken-fried
# steak after hours, the ugly sorority chicks who are fat and think
# they're hot, the sound of the bell tower at 12, the guy who keeps playing
# the same U2 song over and over again, the cold weather, the jerks at
# McDonalds, Wendys, Carls, Burger King, Arbees, Jack in the Box, Taco 
# Bell, Del Taco, Dairy Queen, and Krusty Burger, the arse holes that
# work in the registrars office, the girls that look like guys, the 
# guys that look like girls, the cat that peed on my facecloth, the 
# girl with the big mole on her ass, the putz in Iraq, the guy in 
# Moscow, the kid in Cape Town, the woman in Sydney, the jackrabbit
# in Ulan Bator, the snake in Helsinki, the zebra in my closet,
# the deformed canary in Panama City, the old Twinkee between my
# pillows, the rotting orange in my top drawer, the piece of pencil
# lead lodged between my skin and fingernail, the pus filled zit on 
# my eyelid, the burning sensation everytime I go to the bathroom, the 
# itch I always get in my crotch while I'm attending mass, the radio
# stations that keep changing their formats, the sperm bank that doesn't
# have an ATM, posting an article 6 times even though your machine tells
# you you can't do such a thing, cracked lips, blow-up dolls that won't
# put-out even though you took them out for dinner, nose hairs that keep
# making your nose itch, not wiping good enough after a good dump, running
# out of paper during those crucial dumps, throwing-up in bed, throwing-up
# on mom, seeing flies have sex and not being invited to join in, eating
# on campus, yeah yeah yeah

Well, I'm sick of the news going down all the time, the damn smog in
riverslime, that damn cat named Charlie, the next door neighbor who
moved back into his house and kicked out the other people who were
living there, the lack of close parking at school, the lack of any 
parking near in front of my house, this damn computer which keeps
making an annoying buzzing sound, the grass which is so muddy and
ruins my shoes, that guy who doesn't know anything about computers
and blames it's mistakes on a human, flourescent lights, Madonna,
walking down the hall and seeing someone who looks familiar and wave
to them but it turns out to be a complete stranger, flies eating
shit, two time zones in Indiana, an incompetent Tsar, a Prince named
Charles, a Princess named Di, chapped lips, pubic hairs that keep
getting stuck in my teeth, the damn traffic that blocks up the road
leading off campus, people who whine about their computers crashing
and hope that by a miracle that their two hours of work that they
did not save will reappear when the computer turns on, Presidents
throwing up on Prime Ministers, this same old pair of underwear that
I've had for the last three years that is as stiff as a chastity
belt, girls who wear chastity belts, girls who wear clothes, girls
who say "no" but really mean "yes," girls who say "yes" but really
mean "no," girls who get raped because of the clothes that they are
wearing, people who rape clothes because of the girl that they are on,
convicts who get hanged and say "I'll see you in Hell" just before
the floor is pulled out, executioners who say "Have a nice day" to
the people who they are executing, these damn socks which makes my
legs itch, that owl outside my window that says "what" instead of
"whooo," that girl who doesn't know the difference between "what" and
"who," the mice on my computers which always seem to get stuck, and
people who always whine.

--
You know what would make a good story?  Something about a clown 
who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.  Also, he has 
severe diarrhea.

                         Jack Handy

judson@watserv.ucr.edu