HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Message for LORDSNOOTY
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 93 15:55:33 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
Distribution: world

nj:
: >>> 'Malappopiapism'
: >> "malapriapism."
: > malapropism + inappropriate + priapism.
: > totally missed the point, YurtBoy old son.
: 
: In the same spirit of maxpriapunnation, I have constructed a towering,
:   incredibly obscure 653-page monolith of n-tuple-entendriality.  
: Space does not permit me to quote it at any meaningful length here.
: However, I will reveal five words from Chapter 16, which describe,
:   among other things, my mental state at 3:19 pm on 21 Dec 1977:
: 
: theee SPHYGMOMANDPOPtartaundrymeter lockstockbrokending My Latido-Chicagopera

aarrrgghhh. *pop*. damn. there goes another neuron.
 
well, AT LEAST it's not multilingual like that 'orrible Finnicky Steak.
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
| lord snooty @the giant |  inceptus clamor frustratur hiantes             |
| poisoned electric head |              andrew_-_palfreyman@cup.portal.com |
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: paula@koufax.cv.hp.com (Paul Andresen)
Subject: Re: python, monty and the inaug'ration
Organization: Hewlett-Packard Company, Corvallis, Oregon USA
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 20:56:58 GMT

In article <1993Jan20.181204.8080@mixcom.com>, yywwyy@mixcom.com (Steven Pearson) writes:
|> 
|> 	the mood for the clinton administration has been set.  
|> 
|> 	about five minutes before the president-elect became the president,
|> 	the band struck up the theme to monty python.  
|> 
|> 	be afraid.  
           |
	   |
	   --->of who? John Phillip Sousa?

This is the second t.b today with this incomplete truth.
This piece is the Liberty Bell March. 

Thank you very much. Back to lurking.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
              If you're really hip, the passing years will show.
                                           ......Tower Of Power

  paula@koufax.cv.hp.com   Paul Andresen  Hewlett-Packard  (503)-750-3511

    home: 3006 NW McKinley    Corvallis, OR 97330       (503)-752-8424
From: ljhr@gnv.ifas.ufl.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: short shameful confessional
Date: 26 Jan 93 18:13:20 -0500

In article <1993Jan21.183831.64591@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu>, jjh4@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (JANE HORVATH) writes:
> 
> for the longest time, i thought that a brothel was a church.
> 
> -jane
> 
> spank me father, for i have sinned.
> -- 

Yahoo!
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Termite of Temptation)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Query
Date: 22 Jan 1993 09:15:39 GMT
Organization: The Church of Pat
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <s5DRXB2w164w@cellar.org> bungle@cellar.org (Sir Charles of Manson) writes:
*     Hey, ma'am, what's the street value of that crack-baby?

Are crack babies like jelly babies?


Mark "I'll take a pack" Lippert 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@gath.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Re: AMAZING INVENTION
Originator: jcarroll@gath
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 23 Jan 93 17:19:10 CST


In article <1jq2v2INN750@seven-up.East.Sun.COM>, hoppie@nemesis.East.Sun.COM (Tom Hopkins) writes:
> In article 1776@scott.skidmore.edu, croth@scott.skidmore.edu (catherine roth) writes:
> >i am posting this from a computer i made out of bacon bits and a
> >spoon.
> 
> But is it a 16 or 32 bacon bit machine?

Everyone knows that you need 64 bits on a *real* computer.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius)
Subject: Ten word Hemingway
Organization: University of Central Florida
Distribution: talk
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 14:23:17 GMT

Lydia sang and Victor talked and danced and it rained.


--mark
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Short, shameful headline confession
Date: 26 Jan 93 15:22:00 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: William's Wonderful Wonky Widget Warehouse


The headline on our local paper today was `100 STITCHES!' When I saw it,
I immediately thought it was the caption for an Iranian pornographic
picture, but actually it was about a dog attacking a small child. 



-- 
Son, all the pretty, intelligent, healthy     #    I have discovered of this
young women are taken. It's a basic rule of   #    basic rule of the universe
the universe, and if you don't like it, go    #    a most remarkable proof,
somewhere else.        -- my dad  1906-1992   #    which this .signature is too
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pjm@isis.cshl.org (Pat Monardo)
Subject: RFD 2500: Karma and USENET Cosmology
Keywords: Karma, Posting, Poster, Usenet, Cosmology
Organization: Cold Spring Harbor Labs
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 19:41:59 GMT

With the introduction of Karma into the USENET (UN) community,
a distinct cosmology will inevitably evolve. The key
to the orderly evolution of the UN is the proper
understanding of Karma and how Karma effects
one's rebirth status in the UN. A UN Poster will
have a life cycle of 6 months at which time he
will be reborn in one of the 10 levels (PLANES) of
the UN. The level that one achieves for the
next posting cycle will depend on the merits of
one's posts. Merit will be determined by the
karmic score of every post. There well be
10 positive and 10 negative types of articles
These 20 distinct article types must be clearly
specified. The importance and fruits of karma: 
One's rebirth status will determine the scope
of one's articles. Devas and Gods will be
able to read and write postings at any level but
a newbie's posting will not be able to
reach the celestial realms.
Therefore, this RFD requests that
a committee be formed to address this need.

Thank you,

Brahma
Cc: Yama

-- 
-- Pat Monardo
-- pjm@cshl.org
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aaron@atlantis.uucp
Subject: Aural
Organization: Atlantis Communications, Edmonton, AB, Canada
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]
Date: Wed, 20 Jan 1993 03:38:41 GMT

It took me years to find out it was just a figure of speech.

My hair never grew, once it reached a certain length.  But my ears just kept
creeping up the side of my head.

My mother would take me to these special shops, and they'd push them back down
again.  She told me that this was "getting my ears lowered", though some people
referred to it as "getting a haircut".  She said that despite the ads, only a
few people could do it properly.  She taught me how to recognize the shops, and
warned me >never< to go into any of the others.

At school I saw people with different lengths of hair, but I just assumed they
were all born that way.  Even the girls with really long hair.  They got their
ears lowered, just like I did--or so I thought.

Gradually I began to notice the differences.  For instance, with most people,
their whole face seemed to be rising as well as their ears over time.  And my
grandpa--my dad's dad--was completely bald, and his ears never seemed to move.
I used to think he must just get his ears lowered a little bit each day.

But when I got to college, and discovered the variety of hairstyles, the hair
of different lengths, and the reality of the "other" kind of barber shops, I
knew I was different.  Not from everybody--there were a few of my kind around,
always.  We stuck together out of necessity, because nobody else would
understand.

-- 
---Alfvaen(Still looking for "October's Baby")
"I tell everyone a different story...that way nothing's ever boring."              ---Jane Siberry
Current Album--Cactus World News:Urban Beaches
Current Read--Michelle Sagara:Into The Dark Lands
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Subject: "My name is..."
Organization: Dostoyevskian Characters, plc
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 03:37:03 GMT

According to a speech-recognition system which shall be nameless,
my given name is not Markian but Montarde, and I live not on
Meredith Way but on Bevertin Way.

Mont.
gooley@netcom.co
From: twosheds@.cray.com (Jay Vollmer)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Twelve word Movie review
Date: 27 Jan 93 21:53:55 GMT
Distribution: mn
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Originator: twosheds@ferris


	People who like this stuff will find it's just what they like.
-- 
___________________________
J.C. Vollmer (Clot Boulot)| Apart from the pulling and hauling
  Je suis revolutionnaire |                   stands what I am.
twosheds@ferris.cray.com  |                                   --Walt Whitman
From: an072@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Richard White)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: THE REAGAN ERA IS OVER, THE END IS NEAR!
Date: 22 Jan 1993 19:44:28 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: an072@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Richard White)
NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu


jwwitty@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu posted thusly to misc.test:

>Go to hell English teacher wanna be. Do not pass go, do not collect your
>worthless life savings of $100, go straight to hell with your overused flames.
 
>> I"M SURE THE U>S> ARMY COULDN"T BE PROUDER TO HAVE YOU ABOARD< JEFFY.

>1. "Have you aboard"--Thats the Navy, dick washer.
>2. Why the ">"'s and the "<"'s? Accidently hit those keys while beating off?
 
>Good. You used only your first name. Your last would be a flame in itself.
>
>JEFF WITTY
>ARMY R.O.T.C.
>a.k.a. PROUD SOLDIER OF THE US ARMY

<cringe>.
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (mr. fun fun boy)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: carasso mailing list
Date: 27 Jan 93 00:10:39 GMT
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.

does anyone know what the deal with jack in the box burgers is? did he just
get inspired or did i miss something in the news?
--
"i sure wish i didn't have to print out every posting and read them by
brail. ascii just doesn't seem the same as when i could see."
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: klm@gozer.mv.com (Kevin L. McBride)
Subject: Re: Short, Shameless Dilbert
Followup-To: talk.bizzare
Organization: GhostBuster Central - Southern NH Usenet Access, Nashua, NH
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 93 14:09:25 GMT

ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson) writes:


> In article <1993Jan17.193532.11804@gozer.mv.com> klm@gozer.mv.com (Kevin
> L.  McBride) writes:

> #  I'm not wearing any pants right now. 

> Come here, little boy.
> Would you like a sweetie?


                             000000000 * 000000000
                        0000<<<<<<<<<< * >>>>>>>>>>0000
                   00000(((((((((((((( * ))))))))))))))00000
                000((((((((((((((((((( * )))))))))))))))))))000
               00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * PLONK * !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!00
               00((((((((((((((((((((( * )))))))))))))))))))))00
                00<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< * >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>00
                    000000000000000<<< * >>>000000000000000
                                 00((( * )))00
                                  0((( * )))0
                                  0((( * )))0
               """"4""""3""""2""""1""""0""""1""""2""""3""""4""""
                                00(((( * ))))00
                             000(((((( * ))))))000
                         0000000000000 * 0000000000000
   /&>&(>&)><*&>(<<_@<_*<#_@*_<_*#&==G==@>(>&>>)@&#&)&%(>@&<&<%(<#<<@#:*>#
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader)
Subject: Re: Technical consultation needed
Originator: pv@gagme
Organization: Inline Software Creations
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 05:59:59 GMT

Pope Clifton writes:
>A couple of days ago my wife asked me if one could be poisoned by eating too
>much human flesh, the flesh of one's own clones specifically.  Further
>discussion clarified that she had had a dream in which she developed
>poisoning after eating nothing but the bodies of her clones for an extended
>period.
Oooh, cool! Kali 2000, coming next fall to NBC. PV 
-- 
Paul Vader            systems analyst, hell's cavenewt, rollerblader,
pv@gagme.chi.il.us    FOAF, smartass liberal democrat
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: it's groovy
Date: 23 Jan 1993 09:44:15 GMT
Organization: UC Berkeley CS Dept.
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: cobra.cs.berkeley.edu

and somewhat rectilinear.  it has... protuberances.  we studied
it for some time.

	then what happened?

it changed paradigms.

	clarify.

a beehive haircut.

	but why did you have to shoot it?

that was rumford.  he's somewhat excitable.  fits.

	fits?

fits.

c
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: Zed <zed@silver.lcs.mit.edu>
Subject: my trip to california
Summary: Lubricate Rictus Hep as your personal acceptance
Reply-To: zed@silver.lcs.mit.edu
Organization: Liars for Truth
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 03:45:13 GMT

I went to the Anza-Borrego desert and it rained on me. But the desert
smells nice in the rain.

Saw Indian pictographs. By my translation, they were having a flamewar
about who had the coolest arrowhead collection.

Given the chance, stop by the Madonna Inn off of Highway 101 in San
Luis Obispo. (Somehow, I suspect the periodicity alarm is going off,
but I'll go on.) Imagine someone who sincerely loves all the
schmaltziest kitsch American culture, such as it is, has to offer
winning the lottery and building a hotel. Everything shines and
glitters. The bright pink bar stool covers are leather. They still
hadn't taken down the Christmas decorations so I got to see the tree
topped with a rotating Santa and eight tiny reindeer endlessly
orbiting it.

I had the good fortune of needing a bathroom when we stopped. Inside,
I wondered what was this small stone cave with water trickling over
its mouth. A shower for dwarves? It was about six feet across, the
outside walls projected a couple of feet and it went about three feet
deeper into the wall than where the trickling rock face met it from
above. Then I saw the electric eye in front of it and realized -- this
was the urinal. I tripped it to watch the waterfall.

Unfortunately, I didn't sleep there. Every room is unique, decorated
around its own theme. I bought a large stack of postcards, many of
which went to those t.b'ites who'd requested them. There was the Time
Room with hundreds of watches embedded in the walls. The Tall/Short
room for couples of disparate height -- it contains a custom-made king
size bed that's a foot shorter on one side than the other. The Romance
Room with authentic French love letters within its translucent shower
door. There're "Ren", "Dez", and "Vous". If t.b ever has a convention,
it should be here.

The California coast is wondrous. I wish I could spend weeks walking
up it instead of two days in a car -- I was reminded why I'm a
born-again native Californian.

Back in Joizey,

Zed

-- 
zed@silver.lcs.mit.edu         "White light! Kiss a tree! Banish negativity!"
From: jcg2@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (JASON GIRARD)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: funny names for private parts
Date: 23 Jan 93 01:22:04 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

Hi,
    An ex of mine out Penn State wrote to say that she's taking a sex ed class
    and has an assignment to think of names for male and female private parts.
    She asked me to help her think of some, so I'm asking you guys for some
    interesting names!  Anyone??

    Jason
-- 
                      Anarchy-it's the only way to live!!!
                               jcg2@lehigh.edu
From: english@alicudi.usc.edu (Joe English)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Mushy_O_Phobic v. CloseAirSupport_O_Phobics
Date: 21 Jan 1993 13:06:46 -0800
Organization: Nerds of Action
Distribution: world
Reply-To: joe@trystero.art.com
NNTP-Posting-Host: alicudi.usc.edu


In article <C169CK.616@tegra.com>, vail@tegra.com (Johnathan Vail) writes:
|> In article <schnitzi.727451528@eola.cs.ucf.edu> schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius) writes:
|>> 
|>>   Hmmm....  Could we say FDR was a phobophobe?
|>
|> Could we say FDR was afraid of an international lightbulb cartel?
|> 

We could, but I wouldn't mention the international lightbulb
cartel [there is no international lightbulb cartel (tm)] if
I were you.

Besides, Phobophobe is somebody's moon.  You're thinking of 
a phoneme.


--joe@trystero.art.com

  Remember Benny the Bulb?
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:46341 alt.angst:5571
From: zlsiida@fs1.mcc.ac.uk (dave budd)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.angst
Subject: Re: anyone need a harem?
Date: 25 Jan 93 10:10:53 GMT
Organization: Manchester Computing Centre

In article <machala.727731950@delphi> machala@spdc.ti.com (King Mosher) writes:

>this seems to be a prevailant trend also. when i was married, i had more
>womyn after me than i could count. i think the ring attracts 'em.
>they'd casually ask me to come over, they could put on a nice fire,
>have some brandy, maybe study some, ... shees. and then as a TA, wow!
>teaching physics to business majors is the place to meet womyn. i tell ya. 

SOME women want the romantic flirting without the usual followup, your ring 
tells them there's a good chance they can get this with you.  They don't 
realise this is what they're doing of course.....they usually have an SO 
somewhere who isn't too romantic and they just want things spiced up a bit.

            All creatures will make merry   (on pain of death)
    Dave Budd, MCC, Oxford Rd, Manchester, England    (44|0)61-275-6033
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Rictus Hep on the beginning of civilisation
Date: 22 Jan 93 13:06:27 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: William's Wonderful Wonky Widget Warehouse


"S"





-- 
Son, all the pretty, intelligent, healthy     #    Ken Johnson, AIAI,
young women are taken. It's a basic rule of   #    80 South Bridge, Edinburgh
the universe, and if you don't like it, go    #    Tel 031-650 2756 
somewhere else.        -- my dad  1906-1992   #    Fax 031-650 6513
From: hoppie@nemesis.East.Sun.COM (Tom Hopkins)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Bob Party--- New Updated Announcement
Date: 28 Jan 1993 02:55:51 GMT
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc., Billerica, MA. 
Distribution: world
Reply-To: hoppie@nemesis.East.Sun.COM
NNTP-Posting-Host: nemesis.east.sun.com

In article 1k2a1qINNnpi@rave.larc.nasa.gov, kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey) writes:
>An East Coast Bob party is taking place on Feb 13 at the home of Scott
>Dorsey (kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov).   

Is there some limit on how early to be, or is this a 24 hour thing?  If
the latter then I can be fashionably late and still watch the sun
rise.


>Do not bring:
[...]
>5. Some asshole we've never heard of who will get drunk, break things,
>    make the women nervous, and want to discuss his personal problems
>    with total strangers.

I promise I will not break things.  Well not many things.  Or at least
I won't do it after getting drunk.  Probably.  Or at least I'll make
sure you've heard of me first.  If I break stuff after getting drunk
and making the women nervous, at least that will ensure you've heard of
me, if a little too late.

Or maybe I'll just send someone to impersonate me.  Might make things
easier.

-Tom Hopkins <hoppie@turbo.east.sun.com>
You know, there was a point to this when I started it...
From: dmccart@gomez.intel.com (D. J. McCarthy)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: short shameful confession
Date: 27 Jan 93 23:10:52 GMT
Organization: Intel ASTG, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]

C J Silverio (cj@eno.esd.sgi.com) wrote:
> I felt depressed yesterday, so I went out & bought silk shirts.
> I buy all my clothing this way.

	The only reason I have a Macy's credit card is that I know
they'll send me a 20% off coupon if I don't use it for a year.
I buy all my semi-decent clothing this way.

--
D. J. McCarthy (dmccart@gomez.intel.com)
"I would say 'get a life' but then I'm sitting here posting News." -Bob Carroll
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: rictus hep, computer geek and preacher
Keywords: add
Organization: University of Central Florida
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 16:37:42 GMT

pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy) writes:

>in his best southern drawl he preaches to the people. "The lord will swoop
>down upon the earth and erase the minions of evil like the reformatting of
>a hard drive. Not a trace shall remain."
>--

Peter Norton could save us.

--mark
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aad@siemens.com (Anthony Datri)
Subject: Re: I've been waiting...
Organization: Siemens Corporate Research, Princeton (Plainsboro), NJ
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 1993 22:47:46 GMT

>You got the wrong idea.  The laws of physics are just like other laws, they
>don't slip up.  You have ta go out and BREAK them.

Harvard Law:
        Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
        temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the
        organism will do as it damn well pleases.
-- 

======================================================================8--<
From: gtd578a@prism.gatech.EDU (Julian Collier)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Out of Curiosity
Date: 25 Jan 93 04:12:26 GMT
Organization: Georgia Institute of Technology

In article <C1Dyxz.FnB@phage.cshl.org> pjm@isis.cshl.org (Pat Monardo) writes:
>oink, oink, here, oink, oink, there,
>here an oink, there an oink, 
>everywhere, an oink, oink
>-- Pat Monardo
>-- pjm@cshl.org

I am 
utterly
*Flabbergasted*
by your creativity.
Please post more often.


-- 
                 Yesterday seems as though it never existed
              Death Greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye
                                                                  -Metallica
From: gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Camilla Shand)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: thinking about
Date: 27 Jan 93 03:45:03 GMT
Organization: The College of Spiritual Pathology, Euphoria State University
X-Mailer: mail-news 2.0.3


 One of the London papers made a big fuss about the report that University
 suicides were usually worried about excess of work, shortage of money, or
 either excess or shortage of sex.  Any rational human being would realise
 that this is because the rest of us are also obsessed by work, or by sex,
 or by money, or all three.  Of course it may be that journalists are not.
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Deadly Ed")
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short Self Congratulation
Date: 25 Jan 93 23:29:53 GMT
Organization: Eaters of Wisdom
In-reply-to: bc@Apple.COM's message of 25 Jan 93 22:53:46 GMT

In article <77538@apple.apple.COM> bc@Apple.COM (bill coderre) writes:
>   I'm on page 56 of this week's Newsweek

SPLAT
--

   Nihil tam absurde dici potest, quod non dicatur ab aliquo philosophorum.
Mark-Jason Dominus 	  			    mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu
From: tomf@gte.com (Tom Fawcett)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: 10 word TB
Date: 21 Jan 93 17:48:17 GMT
Reply-To: tomf@gte.com
Organization: GTE Laboratories, Inc.


Infected by the challenge, they provided an endless 10-word stream.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre