From: eleanor@cbnews.cb.att.com (eleanor.j.evans)
Subject: Re: the "oh" experience
Organization: AT&T
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 23:04:22 GMT

As I've no doubt made extremely clear, I've just recently affirmed
my bisexuality (I've always thought that maybe I was, but never had
any concrete evidence).  My current boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend)
absolutely freaks out about this.  He knew I was considering having
sex with a woman, and knew about it when it happened.  My reaction
to it, however, was beyond him.  He kept saying "it's a lot to deal
with" and "how would feel if one of your boyfriends had said this
to you".  I kept trying to explain how it wasn't relevant to our
relationship, anyway--if I wasn't going to be seeing other men, I
certainly wasn't going to be seeing other women.  (That's an entire
other subject--we had started our relationship on a polyamorous
basis--but he only talked big--he couldn't support his ideas--I
could go on for hours on that topic.)

Anyway, I ended up dumping him about 4 weeks ago.  :-).  He may
stay dumped, or not, I don't know.  I didn't think I wanted to
be without him, but actually, I quite enjoying it--I'm not as
addicted as I thought I was.  (I'm really babbling here--sorry,
there really is a point.)

Just a week ago, I went down to visit some old friends, including
an ex-boyfriend of mine, with whom the old flame started re-igniting.
Wanting to get some of our issues out in front before we went too
much farther, I said "how do you feel about bisexuality?"  He wanted
to know if he got to play, too, and talked about how hot the idea
of two girls making it was.  (Ugh, major turnoff.)  I explained that
when I was with a woman, I didn't want to be with a man, and she
probably didn't either; that women don't sleep with each other to
fulfil a man's fantasies--it's not a performance.  He actually took
to that incredibly well.  I told him the story of my first (and so
far only) time with a woman, in which there was a man in bed with
us whom we _totally_ ignored (not having any expectation that we
would feel this way, this was not deliberate cruelty, really it 
wasn't--the guy in the case, or rather in the bed, was incredibly
understanding about it--I frankly had expected a pout or two).  

At this point, the guy I'm explaining all this to (and considering
dating again), says something to the effect that he would feel more
comfortable about my girlfriend(s) if he got to meet them or otherwise
know about them, if they weren't a secret.  My jaw almost dropped.
I was mumbling something about not having a boyfriend and a girlfriend
(dreadful words, aren't they?  manfriend and womanfriend sound even
worse) at the same time, when he said "if you're bisexual, you really
need one of each to be fully satisfied, don't you?"  We then spent
a lot of time talkig about his (typical, by all the men I've ever talked
to on the subject) experiences with same-sex fooling around.

So, now I'm feeling much better about this guy and any potential
future relationship.  I do have a moral dilemma, however.  I lean
towards polyamory, personally.  However, if he does not, and our
putative future relationship is not based on those grounds, I cannot
in conscience have an additional SO who happens to be a woman--that
would trivialize our relationship (woman/woman) and/or cheat on the basic 
ground-rules with his and my relationship.  On the other hand, our
relationship will likely be poly-amorous--I think.  Also, anything
we start right now is going to be a long-distance relationship, which
for me has always had different ground-rules.  I just don't want a
possible relationship with a woman to be perceived or treated by me
as less important than this possible relationship with this man.
Does that make sense?  Am I splitting moral hairs in my argument?
Should I refrain from making passes at attractive women that I meet??

Help!!

Piglet, drowning in a sea of morality--or amorality, depending...
Newsgroups: soc.bi,soc.bi