HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: Doing something for moi
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Distribution: alt
Date: 28 Aug 1992 09:59 EST  

In article <1992Aug27.215553.20196@hubcap.clemson.edu>, gberger@hubcap.clemson.edu (Gary Berger) writes...
>I just went out and bought myself a sony discman.  Nothing major.  I also
>picked up Annie Lennoxs latest CD.  Great!.  For those of you who know she
>is going through a separation and reording of her life as is true with me.  
>My wife told me to take a hike.  I too am a victem of many types of abuse.
>I tend to not treat myself well.  I bought ME a gift today.  Something of 
>value.  Something that takes sacrifice (for a grad student).  Excuse me but
>is was damnert a spiritual experience.  I almost cried.  This was something 
>that I did for me.  
> 

Congratulations!  And enjoy!
Even before I started dealing with my abuse issues, I would occasionally 
throw myself a party.  I'd make a really nice dinner, put it on my best 
china, use crystal for wine, and light the candles.  Someone, thinking that 
I was rather strange for going through that kind of work just for myself, 
had to be told that "if I don't take care of myself, who will?"

For me, the greatest pleasures are the small ones, though.  It's taking 
myself and my inner child out for a hot fudge sundae...just the two of us.  
It's allowing myself to take time to go to the zoo or the museum.  Or even 
just down to the park.

>Thanks for listening.

Enjoyed it!  :-)

-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1159@twwells.com (Kristian)
Subject: khijol!ping no response
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 00:06:32 GMT

I've tried  a couple of times to get a ping response from the new
anonymous service with  nothing  coming back.  Just curious, as I
am OK using the  twwells  service  (as  now).  And in any case my
thoughts are turning more and  more  to  posting directly from my
own  address.    Still,  I  think  it's  important  to  have  the
possibility to post anonymously if and when  we feel the need.  I
never  cease to be amazed -- and moved  --  by  the  courage  and
sincerity of postings here.  I know, in my  case at least, having
the  service has helped me to develop confidence and practice  in
talking directly to others about things I need to share and  have
never dared to before.  Silence has been a terrible thing, but we
can develop the strength to overcome it.

"Kristian"



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
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From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Thanks
Date: 4 Sep 92 10:26:48 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

I attemped to send off some Email, but I think it failed to go out, so I'm
posting this message...

Renee (University of Buffalo via BitNet),

Thanks for your letter of support.  It was just what I needed, at the exact
time I needed it...  Thanks.  If for some reason you don't get my Email, please
let me know, and I'll resend it...

Krikket               ! krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us ! USnail:3 Danada Square E.
a.k.a Doug Krick      ! Team Star Charter Member   !        Suite 246
Data ph# 708/665-9732 ! #include<std.disclaimers>  !        Wheaton, Il 60187
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Just another commentary on the sad state of affairs on our nation today.
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: chatting with the Woman Hater...
Date: 31 Aug 92 20:09:51 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)

Ed, thanks for posting this. I *thought* he must have been in a lot of
emotional pain...

His ex must be in a lot of emotional pain too, to do something so sick and
hurtful.  Women Hater, she does *not* speak for all women.  She only said it
to hurt you, and it sounds like she succeeded.  What she said is total
bullshit.  I hope you try posting here again...

Holly
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)     
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1186@twwells.com (Lavender)
Subject: posts of hate
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 21:14:36 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


I am concerned that there was so much furror over posts about hating women!
 
This to me seems like a normal reaction in this group and I for one
was not upset by them and I am very much a woman.

I would also expect to have some folk express their hatered to men in
a very general and all encompassing statement.

I do not feel that these statements are to be supressed but rather that some 
of us need to be a bit more accepting of them.  If this is not possible in 
this group where is it possible for someone to express their hate?



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: TY.AU7@isumvs.iastate.edu (C. MARIE RIGGINS)
Subject: newcomer
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames IA
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 05:45:28 GMT

Well, I've managed to trudge through approx. 150 posts.  Partially
because I was curious and mostly because I didn't figure out how
to skip through them untill about number 135ish. :)
As a victim of sexual, physical and emotional abuse as a child I was
genuinely surprised and pleased to find a BB dedicated to the recovery
of people with the same problems as myself.
Thanks to the support and love of a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a
co-dependency group, a group for sexually abused girls and last but

not least my family at Boys Town (which if you don't know is in the
middle of West Omaha, NE) I have sufficiently recovered to lead a
"normal" life.  I now am a freshman at Iowa State University on a
$10,000 a year scholarship.
***POSSIBLE SPOILER***
^L
I'm not telling this as a means of getting pity, but as a message
that even the most miserable existance can be turned around and
become a life worth living.
I was sexually abused by my father from the age of 6 until the age
of around 10 (I've never been very sure when the last time was).
After a while he seemed to have gotten tired of abusing me (???) and
then turned to physical abuse.  I have been thrown across rooms, dropped
down flights of stairs and hit hard enough to shatter a pair of
glasses (to name a few instances).  I grew up believing that I was
worthless and stupid.  I have attempted suicide 4 times in my life
the first time being in the third grade.
***END SPOILER***
When I started on the long road to recovery I thought that it was a
waste of time and that everyone who was trying to help me would be
better off if they helped someone worthwhile.  Finally after three
years of work since I first "remembered" my abuse I can wake up in
the morning and be glad that I am alive instead of wondering why I
wasn't allowed to die in the night.  Not every day is perfect and
I doubt there will ever be one completly perfect day.  Whenever I
get depressed or otherwise "down" I just remember where my life was
and how far it has come and I know that someone (be it a higher power
or 'God') is looking out for me and if they helped me through the
worst times in my life they will most certainly be there to help
me with the everyday problems.
I am glad I found this BB and I hope no one minded me sharing my
experiences and I hope that I have helped someone out there to have
a little more hope in living to see what tomorrow will bring.

E-hugs and hope to all who want or need them.

Marie :)
From: root@khijol.UUCP
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: am i alone
Date: 27 Aug 92 14:37:41 GMT

X-APS-Version: 0.2


god, it's so dark outside.  last night i couldn't sleep.  i can't
handle those dreams anymore.  why do i still have to feel this
way.  when will it be any different.

i hate being alone.

--
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   with a valid "Reply-To:" header.
To reach the admin for this service, send mail to erc@apple.com

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: gberger@hubcap.clemson.edu (Gary Berger)
Subject: Doing something for moi
Organization: Clemson University
Distribution: alt
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 21:55:53 GMT

I just went out and bought myself a sony discman.  Nothing major.  I also
picked up Annie Lennoxs latest CD.  Great!.  For those of you who know she
is going through a separation and reording of her life as is true with me.  
My wife told me to take a hike.  I too am a victem of many types of abuse.
I tend to not treat myself well.  I bought ME a gift today.  Something of 
value.  Something that takes sacrifice (for a grad student).  Excuse me but
is was damnert a spiritual experience.  I almost cried.  This was something 
that I did for me.  

Thanks for listening.

Later...

`:wq


Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton)
Subject: Re: Am I alone????
Organization: Supercomputer Systems Division, Intel Corp.
Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1992 23:34:00 GMT

In article <1992Aug25.143826.2022@wkuvx1.bitnet> beelewm@wkuvx1.bitnet writes:
>I would just like to know if others {male} have been sexually abused by thear 
>fathers.  I would just like to know I am not alone in this...
>
>Catch 22

You are not alone. I know it hurts to even say it, but I'm glad you posted.
Xref: sparky alt.sexual.abuse.recovery:5819 sci.psychology:3618
From: dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery,sci.psychology
Subject: Re: sexual addiction
Date: 1 Sep 92 00:17:42 GMT
Article-I.D.: spdcc.1992Sep1.001742.943
Organization: S.P. Dyer Computer Consulting, Cambridge MA

In article <CMM.0.90.2.715279163.margog@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> Margo Garcia <margog@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> writes:
>What I referring to is the uncontrollable addiction to sex, with
>accompanying anti-social overtones.  I think these two things are very
>different, and unfortunately, I was not very clear in my original post. Sorry
>for the seeming accusations.

You're STILL not very clear.  What do you mean by "uncontrollable
addiction to sex, with accompanying anti-social overtones?"  Perhaps an
example would make this sound less like handwaving.

-- 
Steve Dyer
dyer@ursa-major.spdcc.com aka {ima,harvard,rayssd,linus,m2c}!spdcc!dyer
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: scott_silverstein@yccatsmtp.ycc.yale.edu (Scot Silverstein)
Subject: Re: advice sought
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: Yale University
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 16:46:35 GMT

In article <cloister.714844274@milton>, cloister@milton.u.washington.edu
(cloister bell) wrote:
> ed makes a lot of good points.  he's right in that it doesn't do anyone any
> good if you let yourself be dragged down with her.  however, let me make case
> for sticking around.  as ed says, she's setting herself up to fail, and when
> she does, it re-enforces her negative self-image.  it's a vicious circle that
> she may never escape.  so *if* you care enough about her, and *if* you have
> your owh head on straight enough so that you can be immune to her attempts at
> manipulation and guilt trips, then stick around.  she will eventually find that
> despite her best efforts, she is not failing with you.  the taste of success
> may be just what she needs.  it won't fix everything, but might be enough to
> make her see the light, as it were, or at least realize that there is something
> better than how she's been living.  those are big *if*'s, however.  and ed's
> right; you have to take care of yourself first.  but if you are strong enough
> to take care of yourself and be there for her too, why not give it a try?

I am strong enough to handle it, and do care enough (or I would not have
written my original post). The biggest problem right now
is re-opening of communications.  I think I should try by expressing an
increased awareness of these issues and apology for my loss of temper, but
would appreciate suggestions from those who've been in this kind of
situation before.  

Thanks.
From: enigma@netcom.Netcom.COM (Enigma)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Group appropriate for nonsexual violent abuse recovery?
Date: 29 Aug 92 21:10:19 GMT
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Service

In article <134862@lll-winken.LLNL.GOV> tibbits@sisal.llnl.gov
(Patrick Tibbits) writes:

>No group like alt.bruised-spat-on-and-screamed-at has come to my attention.
>Is this group appropriate for one who spent his early years in continual 
>fear of physical violence and verbal abuse?

Well, it's fine with *me*, for what that's worth.  If everybody else
thinks it belongs in a separate group, I volunteer to help create it
and get it started.

Holly




-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)
From: v130py5w@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Renee)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Doing something for moi
Date: 28 Aug 92 15:37:00 GMT
Distribution: alt
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

>i like to walk among the trees and talk to them, i like to watch the squirrls,
>sometimes i get so absorbed in the trees that i want to cry.....i sit and think
>and watch and want to cry......wierd huh?
>then there are times i feel totally at peace and happy but i still want to 
>cry....
> 
>renee

* sorry i should have added more,sorry to take up space...i think i do this
* because when i sit there in the quite beauty i feel so close to the answers
* that it hurts, yet i feel so far away from them.....i hope that makes sense...
* <sigh>

renee
From: doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: advice sought
Date: 26 Aug 92 16:37:04 GMT
Reply-To: dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
Organization: HP California Design Center, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1.3 PL5

If it were me, I doubt that I (as a man) could convince her that
someone she has decided to "attach herself to" was not good for her.
It sounds like she has been so hurt by men that she can't trust them
at this time.

Probably best to let her live her life her own way.


Doug Sojourner 
dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: Adults saying NO
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date: 27 Aug 1992 07:58 EST  

In article <BtLpFB.HFD.1@cs.cmu.edu>, kram+@SOUTHFORK.EDRC.CMU.EDU (Paul Kram) writes...
> 
>Can I be sure a survivor means "Yes" when she says "Yes"?  

Depends on the survivor.  

>Does the difficulty with saying "No" carry over to 
>relationships that you choose to have with another 
>adult?  

Oh yeah.  Definitely.  But also depends on the survivor.  Some seem to have 
no difficulty saying no.  Others can't seem to say it.

>(e.g. do you become involved sexually before
>you really want to?)  

It is a common theme on the net, especially from allies.

>Is there a way to ask the Yes/No question that has a better chance 
>of getting a freely-given heartfelt true answer?  

I think the only way is to listen with you ears, eyes, and heart all at the 
same time.  A survivor may *say* yes, but all the body language says no.  
Or there's a hesitation somewhere along the line.  A partner needs to be 
aware of that.  It doesn't necessarily mean that the survivor wants to stop,
it may simply mean that they need to slow down.  When (if) you notice these 
things, you need to take a break and maybe talk about what the problem may 
be; what the survivor was thinking about just then.
The difficult part of all of this is that in a highly sexually charged 
atmosphere, it's tough to stay aware enough to really pay attention to all 
the signs.

-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: I don't believe it!
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Wed, 2 Sep 1992 22:33:11 GMT

Crystal Bell (cryst@belay) wrote:

: Hi Guys!!! would you believe that ASAR is the only newsgroup I'm getting 
: right now ???
: (Not of course that this has any relevence to the current subject. But I 
: thought I'd let you know I'm sort of here. ) Too bad I didn't have news
: yesterday. It would have made replying to all of you so much easier. 
: BTW thanks for all your replies and support. 

Now, to balance out all the seriousness that goes on here, subscribe to
talk.bizarre.  Better yet, get alt.alien.visitors, too... :)
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: sunrise, sunset...sunrise, sunset...
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date:  1 Sep 1992 07:59 EST  

In article <f_jn4nn.boserj@netcom.com>, boserj@netcom.com (Jeffrey Boser) writes...

>May I ask what is wrong with poobear's cutting?  Why is ice better?  Why
>is everybody trying to make poobear do something else?  I see no
>evidence that what poobear is doing is incorrect.  After all, the price
>is poobear's to pay, and noone else's.  And dont say that its wrong
>to hurt yourself..  cause it isnt, and we all do that every day.
>I can understand suggesting new methods to deal with pain, but why
>must these other methods be implicitly better?
> 

Jeff,
	It's my guess that, since Poohbear feels so bad about cutting 
himself that *he* feels what he's doing is wrong.  He has asked us for our 
help.  We are giving it.
	As for the price being Poohbear's, you're right.  And the price 
recently has been (I believe) forced hospitalization.  Apparently Poohbear 
doesn't want it to happen again, is afraid that it *will* happen again if 
he continues cutting, and so asks for support and possible alternatives.  
We're giving it.
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: arabella@well.sf.ca.us (Leslie Smith)
Subject: Woody Allen
Organization: Whole Earth 'Lectronic Link
Date: Sun, 23 Aug 1992 21:29:51 GMT


I haven't heard anyone in this group mention the Woody Allen fiasco
yet.  It seems clear that Allen's relationship with his 21-year-old
stepdaughter is incestuous and abusive, despite the lack of a blood
relationship between them, since Allen has been her stepfather since
she was nine years old.  Any comments?

  - Leslie Smith
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Thanks for the support!
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date:  2 Sep 1992 08:29 EST  


Just wanted to say thanks to all who offered support and hugs after my post 
about telling my SO about my abuse.
Things are a *little* better.  A cooler head than mine (thanks Stephen!) 
explained that perhaps my SO was more than a little shell-shocked and that 
I should give it some time.  So things are better simply because I'm not 
taking it so personally.
I guess, when I sit down to think about it, I can understand his side 
better.  If I had never been abused or raped, I'm not sure if *I* would 
understand what it was all about.  And if it was someone I really cared 
about, I'd probably be just as angry as he was.  
One thing that has been made clear to me, by him and by others.  That anger 
was *not* directed at me, but at my perps.  *Big* distinction!
Anyway, thanks!

Gentleness to all!
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
From: root@khijol.UUCP
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: help
Date: 26 Aug 92 00:06:55 GMT

X-APS-Version: 0.2


Something seems wrong in the address I was trying to use ...


--
To post to a.s.a.r. anonymously, send mail to khijol!anonasar@saturn.upl.com
To make sure you can reach the server, send mail to khijol!ping@saturn.upl.com
   with a valid "Reply-To:" header.
To reach the admin for this service, send mail to erc@apple.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: scott_silverstein@yccatsmtp.ycc.yale.edu (Scot Silverstein)
Subject: Followup on advice needed
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: Yale University
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 15:35:49 GMT

Some followup on my attempt to reopen communication with my ex-friend.

She was quite angry, threatened me with her relatives (!), could not
understand how
someone even in anger could say hurtful things to someone.  She said she
wanted to be left alone, and could not have friends like that.

Yet she continued to talk for half an hour, and wanted to see a letter of
apology I had written and mentioned.  She works in the same building and
wanted me to slide it under her door but "did not want to see me", so I
did.

There were a lot of other attempts to creat confrontation by her, all of
which I did not permit, and attempts at blaming herself for falling yet
again into a bad friendship, to which I replied she should not blame
herself when things go wrong, etc.

We'll see what happens, but I frankly think it's over, and "bail-out"
approaches.  

Any survivors have comments from experience to the contrary?
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery