HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Organization: Arizona State University
Date: Thursday, 31 Dec 1992 08:08:33 MST
From: <IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET>
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: No meaning (was "Re: Why I'm such a shit")
 <3PTyVB4w165w@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca>
 <DUKE.92Dec18182926@portal.paperboy.osf.org>
 <1992Dec19.004706.10201@blaze.cs.jhu.edu>
 <SBATE.92Dec30094239@mary.atl.ge.com>

GLOBAL DREAD

It has nothing to do with your rejection of me, my dear,
nor my dissatisfaction with my job, my sex life, my karma.
It is, instead, that gnawing feeling that something
is NOT QUITE RIGHT.

The edges of my universe are bent and studded with shards of glass,
balloons of false happiness, hope and joy impaled and shredded at its feet.

I imagine reptilian aliens watching mankind from some distant start,
shaking scaled heads with lizard smiles;
"Fools," they croak to each other, "poor humanoid fools."


Jo

(yeah, right, happy new year)
From: rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Why bother?
Date: 21 Dec 92 16:50:22 GMT
Organization: as if you cared...

what a great question...it's not exactly original, but it's useful...

i'm wondering the same thing right now. i am going to my parents' house
on thursday afternoon, and i'm returning sunday. i managed to make the visit 
as short as possible, but until then, finals are over, there's no work (every-
one's out of town), and here i am in my house, with my dogs asleep by the 
heater, and no one to talk to. i thought i'd met someone vaguely cool in the
last couple of weeks, but it looks as though he's more of a teenage computer
bbs geek than i originally thought. it's not as though i'm not going to 
let him prove me wrong, though. i'm not looking to get laid, it's not 
that at all, i just want someone to talk to, someone in the flesh to get to 
know, and be able to smile at and stuff. muds just don't give me the 
interaction that i think i need. 

it's become cold enough out that i've actually started wearing socks. 

bah.

--
		    -just give me what for,
	rachel perkins =  rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu
      coed naked internet grep! always keep your link up!
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: dbt@cellar.org (Marquis de Freud)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: The Debt Thread
Date: 30 Dec 92 06:13:22 GMT
Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system

I was *heavily* in debt when I was 19. I had just had two operations to get 
rid of a cancerous tumor in my ear and skull, and owed the Health Care 
Establishment enough money to put me through med school itself!

I struggled through college, only to be knocked down again by two car 
accidents (both caused by drunk drives -- not myself), a mugging, several 
serious ear and meningeal infections, and finally, a putative case of MS 
(which turned out not be MS at all).

The immoral of the story? I am in debt beyond my wildest dreams. School had 
to stop, I can't buy a car, get a credit card, or even get certain types of 
jobs. I work at a level far below my ability to do so. 

Angst!

However...

What the hell can they do to me? They've called me on the phone to harass me; 
I tell them I died in a tragic bungee-jumping accident in 1986. I tell them I 
was abducted by the Zeta Reticuleans and haven't been seen since. I speak to 
them in Esperanto -- they put on a Spanish-speaking phone harasser -- I 
switch to Lojban.

I don't give a poop, not a single poop about it. THEY have done their worst, 
and it has proven an inconvenience at worst. 

I would *like* to be a responsible citizen, but why? Make one attempt to 
repay -- and I have made many -- and they re-establish the debt, and ask a 
judge to let them dip into the bank account. 

I'm now almost 35. My friends who DID go to graduate, medical, professional 
school are making tons of money. They also, by the by, don't enjoy their life 
that much. They have kids who are 10, 12 years old, and are looking at 
sending them through college. They have spouses they don't enjoy being with. 
They have deadbeat clients like me, as well.

So, I have "blown" about a dozen years, but only as goes having money and 
"respectability". As it turns out, I have actually lived in poverty a small 
percentage of the time. No one in her right mind wouldmarry me, but 
occasionally women do sleep with me.

Someday ... SOMEDAY ... I will have "made it". Then, I will declare 
bankruptcy and start with a clean slate. But why should I try to make square 
with a system that will give nothing in return, even three years after I've 
paid off? I'll pay, when my interaction in the financial system counts for 
more than an account receivable and harrassable!

The not- so- proverbial "bottom line" is that, unless you are scamming, 
frauding, or breaking the law in some other way (which, BTW, I have avoided 
doing, and with great care), there's only so much that THEY can do to you. 
Try to remember, the word "deadbeat" means "beaten until dead". The world of 
finance depends on reciprocal relationships, not unilateral ones. 

Paying debt is participation in a relationship. It is not imprisonment. And 
if "The Social Contract" fails you, the worst they will do is ask you why.

I'm dbt@cellar.org. If you're a bill collector, send me a letter there. And 
while you're at it, eat shit and die.

------
dbt@cellar.org (Marquis de Freud)
The Cellar BBS - (215) 539-3043
From: dogbowl@dogbox.acme.gen.nz (Kennelmeister)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: xmas, new year blues and stuff
Date: Fri, 01 Jan 93 00:01:53 +1300
Organization: The Dawghaus BBS, Palmerston North, New Zealand (+64 6 357 9245)

Hmmm. Possibly the first net posting for 1993 ( The one advantage of
being 13 hours ahead of GMT)

Oh well, the bloody festive season is over and I can stop feeling
guilty about avoiding my parents for a while. (Like hell! They'll
be giving me shit for months to come)

I guess reading alt.angst on New Year's Eve must put me right up there
with "Those severely in need of a life"

Bugger this - I'm off to let off some fireworks!

--
                                                            => Alan <=
From: sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Re^2: Depression
Date: 28 Dec 92 14:57:31 GMT
Organization: Mitre Corporation, McLean, VA

In article <4334@novavax.UUCP> mitch@novavax.UUCP (Mitch Silverman) writes:
>dlightne@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (David E Lightner) writes:
>
[...]
>Well, I'm 27.  I'm no longer a virgin (I lost my virginity at 21, under
>interesting circumstances),

Do tell.... :)

>I still have *absolutely no idea* how to turn a good friendship into a
>relationship, or how to figure out that that's an appropriate transition
>in a perticular case--whether or not the woman is interested, or
>whether it's going to be 'LJBF' all over again.

You and me both, although at this time I'm pretty firmly convinced it can't
be done. Evidence to the contrary would be quite welcome, but I doubt any
will present itself(or herself to get right to the point). On the whole
I'd probably say its not worth it. I think I'd fare far better in a situation
where the lines were already drawn and certain things defined so hopes weren't
raised and then smashed or I didn't have to listen to "I didn't think you
were interested in me in THAT way!" again...

>Mitch Silverman
>Student, New College of the University of South Florida
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^---This explains quite a few things already...

bah*

----Steve(feeling a little like walking dutch elm disease today)

*bah is a trademark of Rachel Perkins and her Angst Expression Research Labs(AERL).
-- 
---------
sokay@cyclone.mitre.org
		"Your Mind....My Playground" ---me
From: rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: time to go back
Date: 30 Dec 92 16:21:04 GMT
Organization: st. alfonso's pancake breakfast

In article <SBATE.92Dec29162618@mary.atl.ge.com> sbate@atl.ge.com writes:

>
>Some of the feelings I picked up from your post reminded me of how I
>felt when I was kid and my mom withheld my allowance for not cleaning
>my room. I decided I wouldn't depend on that allowance (or any other
>external reward or benefit) because other people could use it to
>manipulate me. Is this similar to how you're feeling?

not really, because i don't depend on 'an allowance' for my very survival.
i am just worried about perhaps not being able to make a payment or twelve
and then suddenly be totally out of control of my financial assets. i can
envision my life being shredded by fat suited loan sharks simply because i
couldn't afford the $60/month payments. and i don't think i can. sometimes
i don't eat for a week at a time because i haven't got the money, it's all
gone to pay my health insurance, or whatever. i don't have the savings to
deal with an emergency if i have to keep making payments. i mean, the electric
and gas and water can be shut off if i don't pay, and i can be evicted, but at 
least i won't owe. i can't just stop paying a loan back and expect them to 
just take away my phone or something. it's much harder than that. 

i know this seems piddly to a lot of you, and i guess i can see your point. 
the angstful part is that i am so terrified to do this perfectly normal thing,
and go into debt. and i can't explain it.

bah.


--
		    -just give me what for,
	rachel perkins =  rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu
      coed naked internet grep! always keep your link up!
From: vance@lpl.arizona.edu (Vance Haemmerle x4021)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: time to go back
Date: 29 Dec 92 19:50:02 GMT
Distribution: world,local
Organization: Lunar & Planetary Laboratory, Tucson AZ.

In article <machala.725644387@delphi> machala@spdc.ti.com (King Mosher) writes:
>rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) writes:
>
>>why does financial trouble make me feel out of control? i don't owe
>>anyone any money (yet), but i feel as if owing will make me die, almost
>>drown in debt, in humility. 
>
>you are one in a million (this is probably statistically correct and not
>just another cliche'), rachel, because *everybody* is in debt. hell, I'm
>in for about 15K on student loans, 12K for a car, and about 100K for
>a house and will be in debt for the rest of my life. my existence is only 
>important to the bankers and the government, since they take all my 
>hard-earned money. 
>they just make sure I have barely enough to survive so I can continue to
>pay the mortgage and the taxes. 
>

  I used to be one of your "one in a million".  I hated the idea of
  being in debt (still do).  I don't want to owe anybody anything.
  I paid cash (or used a check) for everything and didn't even own
  a "real" credit card (as opposed to a debit card) till three years
  ago.  I hated the times I had to use it and always paid off the
  balance fully when the statement came.  When I had enough money,
  I paid off my 5K in student loans in one shot.  I didn't like the
  idea of paying 60/mo for the next ten years when I had the money
  now.  Even my mom was suspicious ("No mom, I'm paying it off early
  because I don't like being in debt, not because I'm wrapping up
  my worldly affairs!")

  But now... ick.  I just bought a house three months ago and joined
  the debt-ridden (96K ahh!).  Though I wanted to, I couldn't qualify 
  for a 15 year mortgage so I'm stuck with 30 years.  I have all these
  ideas of paying it off early but even if I go through with them I'll
  still be in major debt for years.

--
Vance Haemmerle                         vance%toyvax@arizona.edu
Tucson, AZ                             vance@vips.lpl.arizona.edu
    * First Betamax, now VMS... I'm the king of lost causes. *
Newsgroups: alt.angst,talk.bizarre
From: sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay)
Subject: Re: syrupy holiday movies (was: this may be angst, I think)
Organization: Mitre Corporation, McLean, VA
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 18:48:57 GMT

In article <u1syVB2w165w@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca> thespian@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (Stephanie M. Clarkson) writes:
>Steve Okay wrote some stuff, but I was an idiot and deleted the line that 
>would tell you that:
> 
>
>> >Already there are 90s trends, such as _trash fashion_, which is 
>> >supposedly wearing beat up style clothes and army surplus stuff to be in 
>> >style, but which is actually wearing beat up style clothes and army 
>> >surplus because few of us can afford $200 jackets anymore.
>> 
>> This is how you can pick out the real people from the poseurs. Poseurs
>> only wear the torn up army jackets and black plastic frame glasses 'cause
>> they're cool. The ones who started the trend wear them 'cause its all
>> they could afford.(I've seen them for $25-30 for the frames in some places).
> 
>Yep...my personal sense of fashion has me wearing an oversize men's felt 
>jacket that I picked up at a Haddasah Wizo Bazaar a few years back, a 

This is sounds cool....I've been looking for one of these for a while now.
However, nothing I think will be able to top the inestimable coolness of
The Jacket.

>poncho (the last thing I hand sewed before I confiscated my mother's 
>sewing machine) a nice scarf with a Goodwill-pin, and a button stating 
>"If I want your opinion, I'll read it in your entrails".

Heheh....cute. Which reminds me, EveCon is coming up. That means Nancy Liebowitz
will be there with her cache of buttons...time to get some more done from her.
Some past classics she's done for me:
"professional annoyance for hire. Name a target, name a time, I'm there"
"Your mind is my playground"
"That which does not kill me had better be able to run damn fast"....

Yes, they cop a 'tude, but they're so me(or so I've been told)

> 
>> ---Steve(an early '80s kind of guy)
>C'est moi aussi (well, not guy, but early eighties)....I am barely aware 
>of the current trends in music....me and my Pet SHop Boys and my Talking 
>Heads and my Simple Minds are gonna huddle over here and wait for the 
>current storm of dance/house to pass...

Whats the difference?---People have yet to adequately demonstrate to me 
the difference between house, acid, trance, etc. I do like some of the
more recent industrial though. The latest Front Line Assembly is pretty
cool. The Bauhaus "Rest In Peace" set is also killer...

---Steve(Who had to suppress a strong urge to snag that Pet Shop Boys
concert Laserdisc the other day)
 
-- 
---------
sokay@cyclone.mitre.org
		"Your Mind....My Playground" ---me 
Xref: sparky alt.angst:5019 alt.angst.xibo.sex:142 alt.religion.kibology:5586 rec.games.mud.tiny:1174 talk.bizarre:43148
From: kilroy@acme.gen.nz (earthbound misfit, I)
Subject: Re: Camus is my psychotherapist
Date: Sat, 02 Jan 93 04:07:10 GMT
Organization: ACME BBS - Public Access Usenet, Palmerston North, New Zealand
Reply-To: kilroy@acme.gen.nz (earthbound misfit, I)

duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard) writes:

> moranc@woods.ulowell.edu writes:
> 
>    ALBERT CAMUS SED IT BEST: (THIS IS A PARAPHRASE) THERE IS ONLY ONE DECISION
>     IN LIFE:  WHETHER OR NOT
>    TO KILL YOURSELF.  IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY CHOOSEN NOT TO
>    KILL YOURSELF, THEREFORE, DO NOT BITCH!!!!
> 
> Alright, so she's a Caps Lock Clown, but this is a good point.
> 
> Depressing, but true.  

Or rather, it fits your own prejudices. Truth doesn't enter into it.

						- k
						(finally catching up on news
						 after 2 weeks of hell)
-- 
Craig Harding            kilroy@acme.gen.nz             ACME BBS +64 6 3551342
"Jub'er lbh pnyyvat n obmb?"
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: moscoso@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Innocuous Punch)
Subject: Re: The worst Christmas in the history of Mankind.m)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Distribution: world,local
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 17:07:22 GMT

rakowski@rintintin.Colorado.EDU (Calvin) writes:

>Heya, Y'all...
>Lemmie tell ya a really neat Christmas story.

Well, Mr. Lemmie's not in right now,
but if you care to leave a message...


[...finals horror-story deleted...]

Oh well.  Sorry about your grades, but what do grades matter anyway?


[...being drunk horror-story deleted...]

but I don't get it.. that's just bad luck (or so some would contend)...


[...waking up in hospital with $522.78 bill horror-story deleted...]

"suicidal tendencies?"  all this because of some lousy finals?  Wake up!
Wake up!  Smell the coffee with the aroma of cyanide-- somewhere early on
in your childhood, it was smashed in your head that you are your own enemy.
This has less to do with suicide than it does with directing your frustration.
Finals are the short of it all...

If I were to wake up tomorrow and find your head blistering on a stick
outside my bedroom window, I'd be wary of calling it a seasonal casualty,
and just bitch about the mess...  Precious and few are the moments we two
can share.  Or something like that...  Well, I need to reheat this pizza now.


[...speeding ticket horror-story deleted...]
[...semi-promise of a follow-up to this story deleted...]
>-Dave

--
-ivan
 (who edited the followup-to line)
	Paternal confrontation of the minute: scars on your throat, and
					      a deferred vacation...
Newsgroups: alt.angst,rec.arts.poems,alt.suicide.holiday
From: rakowski@rintintin.Colorado.EDU (Calvin)
Subject: The worst Christmas in the history of Mankind.m)
Organization: Hell.nulder
Distribution: world,local
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 07:26:29 GMT

Heya, Y'all...
Lemmie tell ya a really neat Christmas story.

I was taking my finals.  I really screwed up my Calculus final.. Ended
up with a 'C' in the class.. Fucked up my Chem final HARDCORE.. Got
a '58%' on it.. *ouch*  I did okay on my Geology and Astronomy finals,
though.. Well, after finals, as you all know, you just want to
get drunk, right?  (well, maybe just me)  Anyways, I went with
my roomate and a few other guys from my hall to get drunk in some
other guys room..  I had one bottle of 'Mickeys', and two about
24 oz. glasses of 1/2 Southern Comfort, and 1/2 Coke.. After
that, we went out to go to a party at another dorm.  From that
point, I remember nothing.  From what I hear, I pissed alot of
people off, they kicked me out of the room.. And when I was on my
way back to my dorm, I slipped, and hit my head on the ground..
Ended up with a 3 inch gash in the back of my head.  Well, mostly
'cuz I pissed alot of people off (I guess) they called '911'..
Well, to make a long story short, I woke up in the morning
in the hospital.. I had an IV scar in my arm, and blood all over
my shirt.  Well, I walked the one and a half miles home to my dorm.
I told my sister all about it and she was cool.  I went back to
the hospital the next day, and checked how much all this would cost
me.  $522.78.   *ouch*  I remembered little from that night.  
But, from what I hear, I expressed "suicidal tendencies", and
that was one of the main reasons they kept me there overnight.
They had some psycho-bitch do an evaluation on me, and she found
me to be "Clinically Depressive" which basically means, I'm not
good enough to be Manically depressive.. but I'm just depressed..
My personality is that I'm sarcastic all the time, and this 
psycho-person told me this was a way of me shielding myself from
the outside world.  Great, eh?  And this fuckin' 522 dollar bill
is supposed to HELP my life alot, right?  Well, hate to break the
news to all you guys there at the Boulder Community Hospital, but
it doesnt...  Well, after this happened, I managed to keep it from
my parents.. (this was Thursday night.. Today is Monday)  Today,
when I was on my way home from Christmas shopping, I got a fuckin'
speeding ticket.. I was going 54 in a 40.  Man, I cant think of
much else that could go wrong.. (though, I'm just gonna wait about
a day or so, just to see what CAN go wrong)  I'm sure ya'll are
gonna hear from me again, soon just to see what DID go wrong.. 
Well, I'll catch you all laters.. Have a great Christmas, 
at least better than mine.. (hard to have a worse one, huh?  
If there was ANY christmas I would kill myself, this would be it,
so If I live till Friday, I'll consider myself lucky)  
C'y'all laters...
-Dave


Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: bucknerb@bnr.ca (Brent Buckner)
Subject: Re: fuck the notion of *real* angst
Organization: Bell-Northern Research, Ontario, Canada
Distribution: world,local
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 21:58:50 GMT

In article <1992Dec21.204943.18740@organpipe.uug.arizona.edu> vance@lpl.arizona.edu (Vance Haemmerle x4021) writes:
>In article <92356.095329IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET> IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET writes:
>>alright, now i'm confused.... who am i supposed to check with before
>>i know whether i have angst or not?? who's okay shall i obtain??
>>
>
>
>  If you have to ask, you don't have it.
>
>
>>who's gonna sign my permission slip?
>>
>>j.
>
>  The great thing about it is that it's FREE!!!!  No permission
>  necessary.  It's not even TAXED!
>
>--
>Vance Haemmerle                         vance%toyvax@arizona.edu
>Tucson, AZ                             vance@vips.lpl.arizona.edu
>* If the world ended tomorrow, what would happen to my vacation time? * 

Wow.  Including Rachel, we've got three people from sunny
tOOson here in alt.angst.

This means something.

-- 
at Bell-Northern Research
voice:        (613) 765-2739
Canada Post:  P.O. Box 3511, Station C, Ottawa, Canada, K1Y 4H7
I do not claim that BNR holds these views.  
Newsgroups: alt.angst,talk.bizarre
From: jfurr@nyx.cs.du.edu (JKF)
Subject: Re: while driving home
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 92 14:05:32 GMT

In article <1hirfkINN6h8@network.ucsd.edu> kestanol@porgy.uucp (Keith C. Estanol) writes:
>In article <1992Dec26.072446.1503@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> jfurr@nyx.cs.du.edu (JKF) writes:
>>In article <1h33qcINN46v@network.ucsd.edu> kestanol@porgy.uucp (Keith C. Estanol) writes:
>>>In article <XIBO.92Dec20005145@fido.fido.econ.arizona.edu> xibo@fido.econ.arizona.edu (Mr. Coates) writes:
>
>>
>>Say, Keith, I hear that this place called the Waterfall, somewhere in San
>>Diego, will soon be opened to anyone who can prove descent from small
>>green citrus fruit.  True?
>>
>Oh my god. PLEASE PLEASE tell me it isn't true. PLEASE tell me he
>isn't posting here. *sob*
>I was good all year, REALLY!
>
>The Waterfall's in my apartment, and on Lambda.  They both have
>security installed.

Man, Keith, that sucks.  I'll just have to break in again.
From: rorschak@daimi.aau.dk (Jesper Lauridsen)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: My New Year's Eve
Date: 2 Jan 93 04:43:52 GMT
Organization: depressed


   Went to a party. Had a pretty girl throw confetti into my
hair. Discovered that I was just sitting there, watching the
other guests having fun. Left the party to lay on the floor
next to my stereo and hear depressed music. Went back just
in time for midnight. Left 10 minutes later. Watched the 
the fireworks for a while (I live on a hill - great view).
Saw my favouritte german dubbed kung-fu movie for God knows
which time. Tried to sleep, but my internal organs wouldn't
let me relax. No proper sleep before 11. Same procedure as
last year.


-- 
 Jesper Lauridsen      | 
 rorschak@daimi.aau.dk |     I think, therefore I angst  
Newsgroups: alt.angst