From: 00amwolf@bsu-ucs.uucp (Alex Wolf)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: ARGUMENT ARGUMENT ARGUMENT ARGUMENT ARGUMENT
Date: 11 Apr 92 17:14:24 GMT
Article-I.D.: bsu-ucs.1992Apr11.121424.6117

In order to stop this silly thread, by you silly English persons....
Here is the script to "The Argument"


The Argument sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus
 
Client played by Michael Palin (spoken quickly)
Arguer played by John Cleese (spoken 'with feeling')
 
	<knock knock knock>
JC:	Come in.
MP:	Err, is this the right room for an argument?
	<pause>
JC:	I've told you once.
MP:	No you haven't.
JC:	Yes I have.
MP:	When?
JC:	Just now.
MP:	No you didn't.
JC:	I did.
MP:	Didn't.
JC:	Did.
MP:	Didn't.
JC:	I'm telling you I did.
MP:	You did not.
JC:	Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment, um, is this a five minute argument or
	the full half hour?
MP:	Oh, just the... ah, five minutes.
JC:	Ah, thank you.	Anyway I did.
MP:	You most certainly did not.
JC:	Look, let's get this thing clear.  I quite definitely told you.
MP:	No you did not.
JC:	Yes I did.
MP:	No you didn't.
JC:	Yes I did.
MP:	No you didn't.
JC:	Yes I did.
MP:	No you didn't.
JC:	Yes I did.
MP:	You didn't.
JC:	Did.
MP:	Oh look, this isn't an argument.  (getting irritated)
	<pause>
JC:	Yes it is.
MP:	No it isn't, it's just contradiction.
JC:	No it isn't.
MP:	It is.
JC:	It is not.
MP:	Look, you've just contradicted me.
JC:	I did not.
MP:	Oh, you did.
JC:	No no no.
MP:	You did, just then.
JC:	Nonsense.
MP:	Oh look, this is futile.
JC:	No it isn't.
MP:	I came here for a good argument.
JC:	No you didn't.  No, you came here for an argument.
MP:	Well an argument isn't just contradiction.
	<pause>
JC:	It can be.
MP:	No it can't.  An argument is a connected series of statements intended
	to establish a proposition.
	<pause>
JC:	No it isn't.
MP:	Yes it is.  It's not just contradiction.
JC:	Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
MP:	Yes, but that's not just saying "No it isn't."
JC:	Yes it is.
MP:	No it isn't.  Argument is an intellectual process.  Contradiction is
	just the automatic gain-saying of any statement the other person
	makes.
	<pause>
JC:	No it isn't.
MP:	Yes it is.
JC:	Not at all.
MP:	Now look...
	<bell rings>
JC:	Good morning.
MP:	What?
JC:	That's it.  Good morning.
MP:	I was just getting interested.
JC:	Sorry, the five minutes is up.
MP:	(Accusingly)  That was never five minutes.
JC:	I'm afraid it was.
MP:	It wasn't.
	<pause>
JC:	I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue any more.
MP:	What?!
JC:	If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five
	minutes.
MP:	Yes, but that was never five minutes just now.	Oh, come on.
	<JC hums a tune>
MP:	Look, this is ridiculous.
JC:	I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
	<pause>
MP:	Oh, all right...
	<rustling sound>
JC:	Thank you.
MP:	Well?
	<long pause>
JC:	Well what?
MP:	That wasn't really five minutes just now.
JC:	I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
MP:	(Getting angry)  I've just paid!!
JC:	No you didn't.
MP:	I did!!!
JC:	No you didn't.
MP:	I... Look, I don't want to argue about that.
JC:	Well, you didn't pay.
MP:	(Triumphantly)	Aha!  If I didn't pay, why are you arguing?  I've got
	you!
JC:	No you haven't.
MP:	Yes I have.  If you're arguing, I must have paid.
JC:	Not necessarily.  I could be arguing in my spare time.
MP:	Oh, I've had enough of this.
JC:	No you haven't.
MP:	Oh, shut up!
	<door slams>
<end>
 
-- 
         ----------------------------------------------------------
Alex Wolf--Indiana Academy for Math Science and the Humanities--Ball State
          Muncie, IN 47306          00amwolf@bsu-cs.bsu.edu
     Swan, swan, hummingbird hurrah!  We're all free now.  --  REM
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