From: hyder@cs.utexas.edu (Syed Irfan Hyder)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.pakistan
Subject: Re: Islam on Marriage
Date: 15 Apr 1992 20:22:39 -0500
Organization: U Texas Dept of Computer Sciences, Austin TX
NNTP-Posting-Host: pageboy.cs.utexas.edu

In article <1992Apr15.060535.20531@sco.COM> waseems@sco.COM (Waseem Siddiqi) writes:
>
>  I'd like to find out more about the Islamic viewpoint on marriage
>spec. relating to our way of carrying out this act of bond (rishta lagana,
>mehndi,butt,baraat,jahez,valima etc- the whole gamut) I realise a lot
>of out traditions in marriage are borrowed and are not entirely correct.
>I am spec. interested in our method of finding a partner i.e arranged
>marriages. How do all these stand w.r.t Islam ?
>
1: I think there is only validity of Valima ceremony. The only legal
   part of the marriage ceremony is "nikah".

1.1: Rukhsati and all accompaniments are foreign influences. 
1.2: Why all that crying? "shaadi" means happiness!

2: Sura-e-Bani Israel 22-34 strongly condemns extravagence. Sunnah
   explicitly tells us how to keep the marriage ceremony simple.

3: Extravagence socially puts strain on people who are not well off,
   and is one of the most pervading and vicious evils of our society.
   Several girls simply can not get married for want of "jahaiz".
   I have from reliable sources that such aged girls are then turning
   towards illegal ways of satisfying the natural urge. This is one of
   the problems which is one of the most closely guarded secret of
   our now complex, newly emerging urban scene.

4: "Formal" ceremonies of mehandi (bride's place aswell as groom's)
   will probably fall under the category of "bidaah", given the
   amount of "emphasis" on "necessity" (Naak kut jai gee) now placed.
   I had to wage a real campaign and got several very close relatives
   angry, just to keep off the ceremony. They then had it informally
   but that I think is OK.

5: You can see and I think meet the girl before marriage, provided
   your intention is specifically of marrying if both agree.

6: I think the biggest jehad in which one can participate today
   very easily is to keep her or his marriage simple and according
   to Sunnah. Especially now those who are earning and are in a
   position to call shots.

7: The responsibility of keeping the marriage ceremony simple and
   wage this jehad against the social evil is especially great on
   Muslims returning from America. Some how we in Pakistan are only
   very slowly getting over the slave-mentality. Such acts from
   Muslims returning from West is especially effective.
   Easy and simple way out is just to keep your stay (if you are going
   to Pakistan) very short and make it a  surprise.

8: Be very clear of what is your minimum standard. Any ambiguity
   as to this may cause problems for you later on and is a torture to
   the prospective people during the search. Another social
   ill prevalent in Pakistan is that although superficially such
   match hunters do not explicitly say, but more often they are
   looking for a fast-buck making match.

>    Will some learned member of SCP care to illuminate me on this subject ?
>I'd also be interested in finding out about books that deal with this 
>issue. I am also interested in hearing personal views of SCPians on
>this topic.
>
>

Not learned, just a veteran!


Newsgroups: soc.culture.pakistan