From: baskin@ralvmm.vnet.ibm.com (Brenda Baskin)
Subject: Re: Horror in the night...(Original Monster Post)
Date: Fri, 06 Nov 92 18:29:36 GMT
News-Software: IBM OS/2 PM RN (NR/2) v0.14l by O. Vishnepolsky and R. Rogers
Organization: IBM T. J. Watson Research

Here it is by popular demand. This is one of the best stories I
have ever read.  Happy reading!!


In <Ch_=Rp#@engin.umich.edu> ault@engin.umich.edu (Matthew Ault) writes:
>The horror...
>
>They warned us, but we didn't listen.  They pleaded with us, but we
>paid no heed.  And last night my wife and I came within a hair's
>bredth of disaster.  Were it not for our kittens...
>
>Yesterday evening started out normally.  Sara and I decided to
>treat ourselves to a restaurant meal, mostly because neither of
>us felt culinarily inspired.  After dinner, we stopped by our
>local supermarket to pick up a few items.  As we headed toward the
>checkout, Sara said, "Oh, we forgot to get toilet paper.  I'll run
>back and get some."  If only we had known.
>
>By the time we got back to our apartment, it was getting late and
>we were rather tired.  We crossed our threshold emmitting the
>requisite hisses to keep our wee ones away from the door.  Recently
>Pandora (shorhair, tortie/??? mix, 9 mos.) has been showing a
>disconcerting interest in the great outdoors.  Twice she has made
>serious bolts for the open door, so we're trying to discourage her
>as much as possible.  Fortunately, her brother, Peanut (shorthair,
>orange w/white stripes) hasn't shown much interest in the outside
>beyond sitting on the window sill and trying to bat through the
>glass at the falling leaves.
>
>We wearily entered our apartment and set the bags on the
>table.  After making proper apologies for not spending the entire
>evening with the cats, we started to put away our groceries, but
>only got as far as the frozen items.  "We'll put the rest away
>tomorrow," we said as we walked to our bedroom, thinking only of
>the blissful slumber that awaited us.  Had we taken the time to
>look back at our darkened kitchen, we would have seen mysterious
>shadows gathering about the bag of groceries we left sitting there.
>We would have seen the disaster that was approaching.
>
>You see, our apartment is haunted.  At night, seemingly normal
>objects, that we use everyday, transform themselves into monsters
>of hideous and unknown dimensions.  And the worst of these, by far,
>is the Terrifying Toilet Paper Monster.
>
>We should have known.  We should have seen the signs.  On certain
>nights, when nature calls, and my wife or I would stumble
>bleary-eyed to the bathroom, inevitably we would find toilet paper
>strewn about the floor.  Over the toilet, the sink, and into the
>tub.  And always the kittens there in the midst of it, looking as
>innocent and as proud as they are able.  "Look, Daddy," their eyes
>would say.  "See how we're protecting you by attacking this
>hideous monster?"  But we would always give them a scolding and
>send them scooting away.  We never appreciated their efforts to
>protect our family.  Fortunately, the Monster was always bound to
>the wall, unable to fully escape and visit death and destruction
>upon our apartment and ourselves.
>
>Night after night Peanut and Pandy would do battle with the
>Terrifying Toilet Paper Monster, and they held their own.  But
>last night, not realizing the danger, my wife and I made an almost
>fatal mistake...
>
>We left a whole four roll package of toilet paper sitting on the
>kitchen table!!!
>
>I can only imagine what the battle must have been like, raging from
>the time we went to bed right up to the time I awoke this morning.
>As I walked into our living room, the carnage struck me like a
>blow to the face.  Little bits of Toilet Paper, everywhere I
>looked.  On the floor, on the table, on the chairs, on the couch,
>on the shelves, in the sink.  And not only paper, but little bits
>of plastic as well.  Apparently the hideous, yet at heart cowardly,
>Terrifying Toilet Paper Monster had encased itself in some kind of
>transparent armor to ward off our two little valiant defenders of
>home and hearth.  But it did no good.  Sharp claws and teeth had
>slashed through the plastic like a hot knife through butter,
>revealing the soft, yet Terrifying, Toilet Paper underneath.  As I
>gazed across the battlefield, surveying what used to be a somewhat
>neatly kept living room, I could only hope that our little ones
>had been the victors.  But they were no where to be found.  Could
>it be that they had been defeated by the Terrifying Toilet Paper
>Monster?
>
>A quick search of the room soon revealed the main corpse of the
>Terrifying Toilet Paper Monster, lying dead and defeated behind
>the couch.  And there, still trying to get at the Terrifying
>cardboard heart of the ghoul, were the victorious gladiators,
>eyes blazing with triumph as they displayed their trophy of
>victory to their stunned, yet proud Papa.  Only then did I realize
>the debt of gratitude that my wife and I owed to Peanut and Pandy.
>Only then did I realize the horrors against which they have been
>defending us, night after night, for the last nine months.  I
>fell to my knees, bits of toilet paper fluffing up around me, and
>pulled the kittens into a warm embrace, tears of gratitude falling
>from my eyes onto the ruined body of the Terrifying Toilet Paper
>Monster.  I promised then and there that I would never take those
>two whiskered warriors for granted again.
>
>Thus, as a tribute to their continued dedication, I have typed in
>this account, so you, the readers of rec.pets.cats, can wonder at
>their glorious adventures and come to fully realize the debt that
>we all owe to our small, yet ferocious, protectors.  For who knows
>what other monsters lurk in the dark shadows of our homes...
>
>-matt (& Peanut & Pandora)
>
>--
> /|====================| Sanity is maintained only by healthy and     |\
>/ |  Matthew A. Ault   |   regular promenades around its border.      | \
>\ |ault@engin.umich.edu|     - from _The Complete Wilderness Paddler_ | /
> \|====================|         by J.W. Davidson & J. Rugge          |/


BB in NC
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