From: evansg@uproar.enet.dec.com (Gwyn Evans @ IME)
Subject: VNS: Fri 14-Aug-1992
Keywords: VNS,news,vogonballs
Organization: Digital Equipment Service Industries Solutions Company Ltd
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 10:16:26 GMT


<><><><><><><><>  T h e   V O G O N   N e w s   S e r v i c e  <><><><><><><><>

 Edition : 2641               Friday 14-Aug-1992            Circulation :  7834

        VNS MAIN NEWS .....................................   35 Lines
        VNS VOGONBALLS ....................................  113   "


VNS MAIN NEWS:                                   [Andy Payne, VNS UK News Desk]
==============                                   [Fareham, England            ]

    Here is the News at 9:00 BST on Friday 14th August 1992
    =======================================================

    UK News
    -------
    Scotland Yard said last night it believed it had foiled an IRA unit
    poised to launch a bombing campaign in London. A tip-off from a member
    of the public helped police arrest several terrorist suspects and seize
    a "substantial amount of explosives, bomb-making equipment and
    munitions".

    Doctors at St Bartholomew's hospital have established a better way of
    assessing a pregnant woman's risk of having a baby with Down's
    syndrome, based on a simple blood test.


    International News
    ------------------

    James Baker has responded to a call from US President Bush and resigned
    as Secretary of State to become the White House Chief of Staff. From
    his new position, Mr Baker is expected to take virtually full command
    of the Bush-Quayle campaign and White House operations until the
    November election.

    The UN have voted to authorize the use of force to ensure the delivery
    of humanitarian aid to Bosnia. The vote wasn't unanimous however, with
    3 countries including China and India abstaining.

    Weather
    -------
    Dry and Sunny, maximum 20 degrees C


    {News courtesy of the BBC and the Independent}


VNS VOGONBALLS:                                [Dick Binder, VNS Humour Editor]
===============                                [Nashua, NH, USA               ]

    *** ADMINISTRIVIA							 ***
    ***									 ***
    ***	"Deja vu all over again."  Submissions of this phrase are coming ***
    *** in from all over.  Again.  It's a quotation from Yogi Berra.	 ***
    ***									 ***
    *** I cannot include contributions extracted from Notesfiles without ***
    *** the explicit permission of their original authors.		 ***

    "At this time 4 years ago, President Bush was also 17 points behind
    the now almost forgotten George Dukakis."

				- Radio 4 newsreader
				- from Mark Saxby (Newbury, England)

    "Taco Bar - .95 each (2 for $1.95)"

				- menu item in DCO cafeteria
				- from Jim Garm (Landover, MD, USA)

    "He must put this dive in the water..."

				- NBC Olympic commentator
				- from Ernie Birge (Chicago, IL, USA)

    [Chicago Cubs player Steve Buechele has] "turned into a one-man
    wrecking ball."

				- Nick Charles, CNN sports
				- from Stephen Burridge (Kanata, Ont., Canada)

    +---------------------+
    | Toilet out of order |
    |  Please use corner  |
    |       __________    |
    |    __/   ______/    |
    |          __/        |
    |          _/         |
    |     _____/          |
    +---------------------+

				- Sign in the Manchester (NH) Airport
				- from Avery Bishop (Bellevue, WA, USA)

    "NEW!  Oil-Free Oil of Olay"

				- Newspaper advertising insert
				- from Wes Ono (Seattle, WA, USA)

    "Distances like 400 and 800 meters where you still need the speed
    of a sprinter, but also need to have the power to maintain it for
    1-2 lapses."

				- VNS News
				- from Bob Nevin (Maynard, MA, USA)

    "He was like King Canute, trying to hold back the floodgates."

				- Malcolm Fraser, former Oz PM re: the late
				  Sir Robert Muldoon, former Kiwi PM
				- from Bill Fulton (Sydney, Australia)

    ***   Now a bit of catching up to do on Private Eye's Colemanballs	 ***
    ***   as always, thanks to Nick Hill (Paris, France)			 ***

    Caller:	"I'd like you to play this record for my fiance Neale."
    'Doc' Fox:	"What's your fiance called?"
    Caller:	"Neale..."

				- Capital FM

    "They (the BBC) must blow their own trumpet and have others blow their 
    own trumpet for them."

				- Paul Boateng - MP, BBC1 TV

    "There's nothing like seeing two protagonists having a nose to nose 
    tete a tete."

				- Richard Skinner, GLR

    "I've been bitten by the ferocious tongue of Frank Rich."

				- Michael Praed, BBC1 TV

    "And this is the real carrot at the end of the rainbow."

				- Paul Lyneham, ABC TV, Australia

    "...no one to stem the floodgates of hot air; there is now an avalanche 
    of it."

				- Carol Thatcher, TV-AM

    "Such an easy pitch... Graham Gooch and Alec Stewart think their 
    Christmases have all come home."

				- Geoff Boycott, BBC1 TV

    "She [Monica Seles] has so much control of the racket with those 
    double-handed wrists."

				- Virginia Wade, BBC2 TV

    "You're either very good or very bad.  There's no in-between.  We were 
    in-between."

				- Gary Lineker, ITV

    "I thought he was going to dive and decapitate himself... badly."

				- Mike Hendrick, BBC

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<><><><><><><>   VNS Edition : 2641      Friday 14-Aug-1992   <><><><><><><><>
--
+======================================================================+
| Gwyn Evans  | evansg@uproar.enet.dec.com |  Uxbridge, Middlesex, UK  |
| DESISCo - Digital Equipment Service Industries Solutions Company Ltd |
|  Views expressed and statements made are mine and not those of DEC   |
+======================================================================+