From: dv@cc-mac.nbn.com (David Vezie)
Subject: Re: A modest proposal
Organization: Computer Concepts
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 16:26:50 GMT

In article <1992Jul28.072201.2377@nic.csu.net> mcgee@nic.csu.net writes:
>How about if a supplicant creates both a question
>*and* and answer, and posts them here?

That sounds good.  This was a question that I got once, and answered.
(So it's not really my own made-up question/answer).
But since then, I've had an idea for a better answer, so ...


The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Dearest Lisa:
> Goddess on most high with Oricle of unbounded knowledge, will you
> answer this question for me ?
> 
> Please. Please, Please marry me and leave that hateful pig Oracle !
> I will treat you like a queen every day until we part ways.
> 
> Answer me Oh most sexy of the Female known or unknown to mankind throughout
> the universe.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

> Another moral insulting me.  Get ready, mortal, here comes one helluva ZOT....
> 
> <tap, tap> Orrie?  What's up?  
> 
> This supplicant insulted me.
> 
> Oh yeah, what did he say?  <read, read>
> Let me respond to him.
> 
> WHAT?!  And WHAT are you going to tell him??
> 
> C'mon, Orrie, you're all-knowing.  Check the future, and you tell me!
> 
> *chucke*  He's all yours.
> 
> Now then, supplicant.  You want me to leave Orrie here <affectionate
> pat on thigh>, and go live with you.  That's sweet.  But before I
> decide to do that, I need to know if what I'm getting is better than
> what I'm giving up.  Let's compare you to the Oracle.  And to make
> things fair, we'll compare the two of you in such diverse areas as
> intelligence, kindness, wealth, and strength.
> 
> First of all, intelligence.  I won't insult you by a direct comparison
> here.  The Oracle is all-knowing.  He even knows exactly how much more
> he knows than you do.  There's simply no comparison.
> 
> Next, kindness.  You seem to hint that this is your strong suit.
> Well, can you do what Orrie does?  Since he is all-knowing, he
> knows exactly how I feel at every moment, and knows exactly what
> the absolutely best thing he can do for me at every moment.  There
> are no times when he bothers me when I want to be alone, when he
> isn't there when I need him, or anything like that.  I might be
> alone for a while (by choice), and the instant I start to think
> that I miss him, he'll walk in.  It's wonderful.  Sorry, no comparison
> there, either.
> 
> Okay now, wealth.  The Oracle has been getting paid hansomely for
> his work for many, many years, and has made some shrewd investments
> (knowing exactly when the market is going to fall helps out a lot).
> Suffice to say, even if we eliminated the US deficit ten times
> over, we'd still be living very comfortably.  Checking your bank
> accounts with Orrie here, I think I'm safe in giving this advantage
> to Orrie, too.
> 
> And we come now to strength.  The Oracle role is one of dispensing
> intelligent words, not weightlifting, so you might have some hope
> here.  So, can you bench-press a ton?  You can!  Wow!  That's good.
> Now, can you bench-press a ton with your hands tied behind your back?
> (think about it).  You can't?  Awww...  too bad.
> 
> Well, supplicant, it seems that you don't really measure up to
> Orrie here in any area.  Too bad for you, but I think I'll stay
> here with Orrie.
>
> You owe the oralce a reason why he shouldn't ZOT you anyway!
-- 
--
David Vezie dv@sonoma.edu,dv@xnet.ssl.berkeley.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d