From: atovorni@engr.UVic.CA (Andreas  Tovornik)
Subject: Re: relationship gone to pot?
Reply-To: atovorni@engr.UVic.CA
Organization: University of Victoria, Victoria, BC, Canada
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 92 03:45:12 GMT

In article 3819@netcom.com, shannah@netcom.com (Teri Miller) writes:
>In article <1992Oct1.023659.22226@cheshire.oxy.edu> ac@cheshire.oxy.edu (Aileen Cho) writes:
>>   Okay bear with me, I've just barely joined this group. I would like to
>>know how people have dealt with relationships (or attempts at) with others
>>who are potheads. I got the distinct feeling in my last crash-and-burn affair
>>that I lost out to the weed. I suppose it was more reliable.  My friend also
>>had a thing going that lasted a little longer than mine, but in the end that
>>also burned out as pot took over.

Yeah, You think that's bad? My ex left me for a COCAINE addict.

>What a difficult situation, Aileen.  I've seen someone actually win a
>spouse away from an addition, but it took years and it was no joke.

She tried that by getting pregnant.

>I had one relationship with someone who was addicted to illegal substances,
>and I gave it up.  I promised myself that I would never do that again.  Not
>just because of the illegal substances, but because I am just not that
>comfortable with people who have addictive personalities.
 
Tell it, tell it...

>I think it's one thing to be enthusiastic about something (like a friend
>of mine who talks a lot about fish) and completely different to be unable
>to separate onself from it.  It's the difference between wanting something
>(I'd like some chocolate right now) and needing something (which isn't true
>for me and the chocolate, since I'm responding to you and not rummaging
>through my pantry).
 
And I want another cigarette but I'll save it for enjoying with a pint of 
Lager later.

>I've known people who have needed to drink, who have needed to see their
>favorite shows on TV, and who have needed to play fantasy role-playing
>games, and the effect is really the same.  They all put those things
>before the other people in their lives.  The were compulsive about it.
 
Oh no! I should get away from this screen pronto!

>My suggestion would be to try to find a way to weed out people who are
>addicted to something.  I don't have a concrete way to describe how to
>do that.  I think that you will be much happier, though, if your
>relationships work or fail on their own merits, and not due to some
>outside influence more powerful than your partner.
 
But seriously, about the COCAINE guy: My ex told me that she didn't want
me touching her anymore. She was starting to see him. They stayed together
for two years. She got pregnant and he ran away. She bitched and complained
about him the whole two years, but she never once thought of dropping him.
I guess she follows the model of the women who find it a challenge to change
the men they love. Why do they love them? Because the guys treat them
like dirty,smelly socks. Is this your problem? 

The challenge was there until he went away. After the birth, and it
wasn't an easy one, she wondered why she stayed with him. The only good
thing that came out of the two years was, she said, her daughter.

Now, why wasn't it my child? I like children and would love to have a
son or daughter. As long as the kid is mine, and not his. She begged
me to get back together with her, but I digress.

Try and stay with him if he gives it up. Don't try to change him, he'll
just claim you're nagging. Leave. Tell him you'll come back when he gives
it up, otherwise...sayonara!

Andy.

PLEASE EXCUSE MY OBVIOUS IGNORANCE.




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