From: Marina.Salume@Corp.Sun.COM (Marina Salume)
Newsgroups: alt.sewing
Subject: Re: making gifts for friends
Date: 11 Sep 92 00:41:17 GMT

> But when I saw my painting, in her
>*laundry* room, I just snapped.  I decided I would no longer make anything
>for her or for anyone else unless I was unusually sure she or someone else
>would like it. Anyway, after giving away things for years and being quite disap>pointed. Anyway, after giving away things for years and being quite disappointe>d
>with people's reactions, I now make things for me and occasionally my
>husband.If I sound bitter, you read this right.  I've decided that a lot of wom>en
>are taught to do for other people and for themselves last, if at all.  I
>bought into this for a *long* time and finally decided there had to be
>room for me, too. 

This struck a chord with me! I also gave away a lot of what I made, and
it was only two years ago that I realized it just wasn't being appreciated.
I made quilted vests for my best friends two little sons. I also made
her several Christmas ornaments, as many of hers were lost when they moved.
They drove to LA to be with her family, and she dragged all the gifts 
down there to unwrap. After they returned, I waited a couple of weeks and
finally asked what she had thought of the gifts (I was beginning to wonder
if she had overlooked them!) She said, "Oh, it's too bad you didn't tell me
those were ornaments in the box, because I can't put them on the tree
until next year." And what about the vests, I asked hesitantly? "Oh, those 
were nice." I've never seen them on her kids and she has never mentioned
them. (These vests were published by a quilt magazine the following year, I
say this so you don't think maybe they were awful!)

That did it. Now I make things for myself and my mother, who saves everything
I ever make (she has stuff I made in grade school :-) My kids get the 
clothing and stuffed toys, my husband gets to enjoy my quilts. I buy
stuff for everyone else. My best friend always buys me something totally
impersonal, soap or bubble bath, the kind of stuff you buy 10 of and then
give to everyone on your list. So now I do the same. I make sure it's from
a nice store so she can return it if she doesn't like it.
 
"If I sound bitter"--it is so dissappointing to realize that the gift you
labor over, even for a short time, is not appreciated. But I have finally
accepted the fact that to some people, the only value in a gift is how much
it costs. They do not value personal thought or time spent. Maybe my friend
is even a bit jealous of how "talented" I am, since she does very little
hand work herself. 

We can't force our friends to value hand work like we do, but I can say it
has made me reevaluate my "best" friend. I'm glad she made it so obvious that
she didn't care about these things, so I can now save my talents for my own
family. Excpt I still see patterns and kits and think "Laurie would like
that" and then catch myself again.

Now I'll only make gifts for other crafters. I got a quilted card for my 
birthday last year, and I still take it out and look at it sometimes 
(thanks again, Ali :-) And now when I do make a small gift, I also make a copy
for myself. That way I know at least ONE recipient will be thrilled!

--marina
Newsgroups: alt.sewing