HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: tes0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (THOMAS EDWIN SCHMIDLIN)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: I LOVE GERMANY
Date: 14 Aug 92 16:11:26 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

Come on now, everyone knows that Hitler was Austrian, not German.  Besides,
he's dead.  You can't go around blaming all Germans for what Hitler and some
others did.  Many of the Germans in the world today weren't even alive when it
happened.  Blaming them for the holocaust is as silly as blaming ourselves for
slavery and what was done to the Native Americans.



In article <904m+rg.rdc@netcom.com>, rdc@netcom.com (Roger David Carasso) writes
:
>)From: Gregor Nitsche <nitsche@atmos.washington.edu)
>)To: rdc@netcom.com (Roger David Carasso)
>)Subject: Re: GERMAN CLASS
>)
>))) In article <jy4mczg.rdc@netcom.com) you write:
>))))
>))))My girlfriend just told me that she took German in college to meet her
>))))humanities requirement.  You'd think that German was the one subject
>))))that wouldn't fulfill the humanities requirement.
>))
>))) Could you please elaborate on that a little further?
>))
>)) hitler.
>)
>)Just to inform you: There's a whole lot more about Germany than Hitler.
>
>                    COME BACK TO THE FATHERLAND
>
>               "THERE'S A WHOLE LOT MORE ABOUT GERMANY
>                            THAN HITLER!"
>
>                       REDISCOVER YOUR ROOTS!
>
>                       MEET UP WITH
>
>                       THE AUNT WHO FED SS TROOPS!
>                       THE GRANDFATHER WHO TRAINED BROWN SHIRTS!
>                       THE COUSIN WHO'S A MEMBER OF THE NEW NAZI PARTY!
>
>                (THIS WAS A PAID PROPAGANDA MESSAGE)
>
>
>)please be careful with statements like that, especially when posting
>)them in soc.culture.german: A lot of people might feel insulted
>)reading that.
>
>WE WOULDN'T WANT TO INSULT THE GERMANS WOULD WE.
>NO, NOT THE GERMANS.  GOD'S GIFT TO HUMANITY.
>A LOVELY, JOLLY SORT.  LONG LIVE THE GERMANS!
>UBER! UBER! UBER!
>.
>--
>____________________________________________________________
>___________________________ If you'd like my phone number,
>Roger David Carasso,        please me ask and I will give it,
>Celebrity                   so that we may talk about life.
>
-- 


Tom Schmidlin       DEEP THOUGHTS: By Jack Handy - Whenever I see something
TES0@LEHIGH.EDU         screech across a room and latch onto a guy's neck,
215-758-0865            and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have
                        to laugh because, What is that thing?
From: fatican@iccgcc.decnet.ab.com (Nick Fatica)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Bathroom humor
Date: 21 Aug 92 17:18:22 EST

In article <1992Aug11.193806.29479@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>, Matthew.J.Cheyney@dartmouth.edu (Matthew J. Cheyney) writes:
> k-workman writes:
> 
> Read this on the stall wall and thought it was all too poetic!
> 
> Some people come to sit and think.
> Others come to shit and stink.
> I come here to rest my balls and 
> read the words upon the walls.
> 
> ----->  Sorry if this is an old one....
> 
> -kw
> 
> I retaliate with: 
> 
> Here I lie in stinky vapor,
> because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
> Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
> or shall I be forced to use my finger.
> 
> -Matt
> This space for rent!!
-- 
On the wall of a toilet stall at Cleveland State University (in the 70's):

Here I sit,
Broken hearted,
Came to shit,
Only farted.

--

Q. What does the toilet paper in Stillwell Hall have in common with radio
frequencies?

A. They're both measured in Hertz (hurts)!

Nick Fatica   fatican@astro.pc.ab.com
From: rowland@aristotle.ils.nwu.edu (Paul D. Rowland)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: NEEDED!!!! JOKES ABOUT MATHEMATICIAN vs SCIENTIST vs ENGINEER.
Date: 13 Aug 92 21:04:56 GMT
Distribution: rec.humor
Organization: The Institute for the Learning Sciences
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4

A physicist, engineer, and a mathematician are all sleeping. All of the
sudden a fire starts in the physicist's room. The physicist smells the smoke
and wakes up. He goes to the corner of the room sits down figures out the
forces, then goes outside picks up the fire extinguisher and douses the fire
with water, dousing the whole room, but the fire goes out.
A little while later, a fire starts up in the engineer's room. He wakes up
from the smoke and sits in his corner making some calculations. After a 
while he goes over to his sink, fills up a pail with just enough water and
pours it on the fire putting it out with just the right amount of water.
Eventually, a fire starts in the mathematician's room. He, too, wakes up
from the smoke. He goes to his corner and starts making some note. "Aha,
a solution exists," he says, and goes back to sleep.



--
Paul D. Rowland - "%) =}
rowland@ils.nwu.edu
From: kml@cellar.org (Lazlo Hoover Toth)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: CFD for misc.me.too
Date: 17 Aug 92 19:16:32 GMT
Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system

johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:

> This is a Call For Discussion for the creation of a newgroup called misc.me.t
> The purpose of this group is for people that post "me too" articles on the
> net instead of responding via email to things like the "JOKES MAILING LIST".
> The group will be moderated as discussion is not allowed.  Only articles
> which contain the words "me too" or "add me to the list" will be allowed.
> 
> Votes will only be accepted on the net (not via email).  The group will
> automatically be crossposted to talk.bizarre, comp.unix.wizards, and 
> alt.music.rush as it annoys the hell of those folks when non-topical articles
> are crossposted.
> 
> If the group doesn't pass perhaps I'll create a me-too mailing list which
> will be sent out as a digest to those that are interested in reading 
> interesting "me too" and "please add me to the list" articles.  
> 
> -- 
> +============================================================================
> | John Fereira            "Is that all you ever think about?"                
> | johnf@auspex.com                                                           
> +============================================================================


ME TOO!  (See, I even left the old sig in).


This message may not be rebroadcast without the express written consent of 
the Baltimore Orioles and Major League Baseball.  Send $2 for transcripts to
  kml%cellar@tredysvr.tredydev.unisys.com  - My other account is a Mercedes.
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
From: GLETTY@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu ("Bruce E. Gletty")
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Organization: C.C.S.O.
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 15:49:36 GMT

In article <183135@pyramid.pyramid.com>
glambert@pyramid.com (George Lambert) writes:
 
>In article <#a9msdc.crisp@netcom.com> crisp@netcom.com (Richard Crisp) writes:
>>
>>I personally believe that if we disarm America, some day a few generations
>>down the road (or sooner if Socialists like Feinstein get elected Senator from
>>Califruitty) someone will declare themselves "President For Life". If we
>>ever find ourselves in that situation and are unarmed, we are in deep trouble.
>>That is the long and short of it.
>>
>OK, Dick, riddle me this:
>
>If your assertion is correct, how was the military backed coup of Gorbachev
>overthrown by an unarmed population?  Keep in mind that the conventional
>forces of the USSR were the largest of any nation in the world.
>
It didn't work because only a small part of the military was really
behind it. Also, the fact that the troops didn't feel like killing
unarmed civilians helped a lot. When the troops are ready to shoot
civilians, you get Tianamen Square.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rszczerb@purcell.helios.nd.edu (Robert Szczerba)
Subject: Re: funny?
Keywords: not funny
Organization: University of Notre Dame, Notre Dame
Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1992 03:55:26 GMT

In article <hloedolf.713906902@rkw-risc> hloedolf@rkw-risc.cs.up.ac.za writes:
>I have been reading this group for 15 minutes (and I'm not a very slow
>reader), and have not come accross *any* jokes.  Not even anything remotely
>*trying* to be funny.
>

So why don't you post a joke.       



Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jd@dickens.com (Joe Dudar)
Subject: Re: Food Vending Machines
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 15:18:27 GMT
Organization: Dickens Data Systems, Inc.

In article <1992Aug11.155024@axion.bt.co.uk> pcellik@axion.bt.co.uk (Peter SPHINX Cellik) writes:
>
>In article <4687@balrog.ctron.com>, tavares@danville (Jack Tavares) writes:
>|> echyatt@eos.ncsu.edu (EDWARD CRAIG HYATT) writes:
>|> : In article <1992Jul30.091712@axion.bt.co.uk> pcellik@axion.bt.co.uk (Peter SPHINX Cellik) writes:
>|> : >
>|> : >In article <1992Jul29.175742.8642@cbnewsl.cb.att.com>, saal@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (samuel.saal) writes:
>|> : >|> In article <1992Jul23.191425.618@ncsu.edu> echyatt@eos.ncsu.edu (EDWARD
>|> : >|> CRAIG HYATT) writes:
>|> : >|> 
>|> : >|> >In article <y!gm=2b@lynx.unm.edu> evilted@vesta.unm.edu (Evilted) writes:
>|> : >|> 
>|> : >|> >>In article <1992Jul19.185325.17058@ncsu.edu> echyatt@eos.ncsu.edu
>|> : >|> >>(EDWARD CRAIG HYATT) writes:
>|> : >|> 
>|> : >|> >>>In article <oa65NB3w165w@major.panix.com> dos@major.panix.com (Dave
>|> : >|> >>>O'Shea) writes:
>|> : >|> 
>|> : >|> >>>>> Did Mike get his 50 cents back from the vending company?
>|> : >|> 
>|> : >|> >>>>Hey, we don't know that he never got his soda...
>|> : >|> 
>|> : >|> >>>I'm sure that either way, he was crushed.
>|> : >|> 
>|> : >|> >>But was it orange or grape?
>|> : >|> 
>|> : >|> >Don't know, but by the time he got to
>|> : >|> >drink it, it had gone flat.
>|> : >|> 
>|> : >|> And when he got back to his cubicle, his boss canned him.
>|> : >|> -- 
>|> : >
>|> : >I think it was a Diet drink, he was looking pretty thin.
>|> : >
>|> : No. No. No.  He was canned because he was
>|> : spreading himself too thin.  And it wasn't
>|> : a diet drink, it was a crash diet.
>|> : -- 
>|> : --------------------
>|> : Craig Hyatt
>|> : NCSU@Raleigh, NC USA
>|> : echyatt@eos.ncsu.edu
>|> : --------------------
>|> 
>|> Oh, i thought it was an orange crush!
>|> 
>Yea, it was a diet orange crush, but it was flat, real flat.
>
I guess I'm IMPRESSED that this thread has continued for sooooo long.
-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joseph A. Dudar  |  Help?  He doesn't need help, he needs hindrances:  if he
jd@dickens.com   |  has to climb over enough of them, he might inadvertently
Atlanta, GA      |  fall on top of her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And of course, my opinions may not coincide with those of my employer.  TBTG
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: syspb@smartstar.com (Paul)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: The "education"party needs educating!
Keywords: lips, potato, quayle, recession, unemployment, re-election?
Date: 20 Aug 92 18:35:46 GMT
Organization: Bush Bashers

How can the Republicans call themselves the education party
when the Vice President can't even spell 'potato'.

Do you know what the 4 hardest years of Dan Quayle's live were?
The third grade.

Read my lips, no second term.
A Bush in the white house, is worth 2 unemployment checks in the mail.

Well George only has 2 months to fix everything it took 4 years to screw
up.  He'll have to do some fast talking
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: miket@unislc.uucp (Michael Thompson)
Subject: Re: Confuscious says.......
Reply-To: miket@unislc.UUCP (Michael Thompson,B2C04,4560)
Organization: Unisys, Salt Lake City
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 20:55:13 GMT

>>	just wondering has anyone got any Confuscious says..... jokes.
>>	For starters, I'll contribute mine:
>>
>>	Confucious says
>
>        Man with hands in pockets feel cocky all day
>
>        Woman who fly upside down have crack-up
>
>        Man who lose key to girl-friends apartment
>        gets no new-key.

Also -   Man who go to sleep with itchy butt wake up with smelly fingers.

         Did I really say that....I can't believe I said that, oh well....


      
Mike Thompson                 |    It's true, forgiveness IS easier
(801) 594-4560                |    to get than permission. ;-) 
unislc!miket                  |              -----------
miket@unislc.slc.unisys.com   |    My employer is profoundly grateful
                              |    that I speak only for myself.
             |\/\/\/|
             |      |
             |      |      _________________________________ 
             | (o)(o)     /                                  \
             C     __)   |   Mike Thompson, who the hell      |
             | ,___|  __/|              are you?              |
             |   /        \__________________________________/
            /    \
From: buck@cayman.amd.com (Robert Buck)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: The "education"party needs educating!
Date: 20 Aug 92 18:54:07 GMT
Organization: Advanced Micro Devices, Inc., Austin, Texas

I hear there will be great fireworks at the Republican Convention
tonight... But you'll need to be in Bagdad to see them...

-rvb
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Robert V. Buck, Jr.		             AMD 29K Strategic Marketing
buck@cayman.AMD.COM		             Austin, Tx.  (512) 462-4068
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rhw@evolving.com (Robert H. Wiebener)
Subject: Re: Confuscious says.......
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 1992 20:13:04 GMT
Organization: Evolving Systems, Inc.
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4

Confuscious say:  Better to be pissed off than pissed on. . .


"Confidence is *very* sexy, don't you think?"
From: pricec@prism.CS.ORST.EDU (price carl wayne)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Keywords: joke, very funny, haha, etc.
Date: 21 Aug 92 16:35:22 GMT
Article-I.D.: CS.1992Aug21.163522.17650
Organization: Oregon State University, Computer Science Dept.


>>If your assertion is correct, how was the military backed coup of Gorbachev
>>overthrown by an unarmed population?  Keep in mind that the conventional
>>forces of the USSR were the largest of any nation in the world. 

>It wasn't by an unarmed public, it was because the army took the side of
>the people, or at best, the coup leaders did not get get support of the
>army because the army was split. Romania: same again, the army came over
>to the people. Tianneman Square: the army remained loyal, the unarmed
>people got slaughtered. Hungary? Czechoslovakia? Afghanistan?

>>The point is that your argument doesn't hold much water in light of recent
>>events in the USSR, and a similar story can be told about how the British 
>>were forced from colonial rule in India.

Remember to take a look at Herzog-Bosnia (sp?) where the Serbs are waging
an ethnic cleansing against the Croates and Muslims (sp?).  The Serbs
got the Yugoslavian military's weapons and are using them.  And when asked
about UN troops entering and helping the Croates-Muslims all they wanted 
was the weapons to do it themselves.  Now if the past country of Yugoslavia
allowed for the private keeping of arms would this civil war have progressed
as far as it has?  We'll never know, but the people there believe that they 
could stop the oppression with the proper arms.

Think! Do you want to have your children faced with an ethnic cleaning 
campaign in a few generations?  What ethnic group will be doing the cleaning?


Enough of this on this group.  Any responses please do so by e-mail or 
point me to a better group to discuss this and let's take it there.  Let's
get back to humor!!!!

-- 
Carl W. Price		 	*      * Work keeps us from three evils:     * 
Computer Engineering Student	*      * boredom, vice, and need.            *
Oregon State University		*      *                                     *
pricec@prism.cs.orst.edu	*      *       ---Voltaire                   *
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: kelly@spyro.cray.com (Matt Kelly (4274))
Subject: Re: Bathroom humor
Date: 14 Aug 92 15:49:29 CDT

gjs@aber.ac.uk (Gary John Salter) writes:

>Seen on a toilet wall.

>When this tiolet cleaner finally dies,
>he will find erected in the skies,
>a tribute to his glorious wit,
>a monument of solid shit.

>Any other toilet poetry anyone?

>Gaz

I saw a poem on a stall wall once, obviously written by someone with an 
aversion to residents of the Lone Star State (*****_NOT_****** me, no flames,
pleez.):

Here I sit, buns a-flexin,
Just gave birth to another Texan


Matt

                                         A fitting .sig, wouldn't you say?
                                           |
                                           |
                                           V
==============================================================================
kelly@spyro.cray.com                 |
                                     | "Peg, I swear... If the toilet were
Opinions expressed herein are just   | just a liiiiiiiitle bigger.......
that.                                | BA-WHOOOOOSH!!!!"
                                     |
                                     |  -Al Bundy
==============================================================================


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bandy@aplcen.apl.jhu.edu (Mike Bandy)
Subject: Re: Limerick's
Organization: Johns Hopkins University
Date: Sun, 16 Aug 92 19:38:47 GMT

One of my favorites ...

	There was a young man named Dave
	Who found a dead whore in a cave
		She was missing a tit
		And stunk quite a bit
	But he thought of the money he'd save.


  Mike
From: 01jmbrown@bsu-ucs.uucp
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
Subject: Moree Dane Quaylee Humore
Date: 20 Aug 92 15:03:39 GMT


Recently I read an article by Dave Barry, who in spite of his occupation
as a humorist writer, that cited a supposably actual quote by Dan Quayle:

"Whenever possible, children should have parents."

Not hard to believe that Quayle said it, considering his "family-values"
emphasis, but amusing if you consider the chicken-and-egg concept.

-J. Brown
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: holland@access.digex.com (Brian Holland)
Subject: Re: Dan Quayle quotes
Keywords: stupidity, you betcha
Organization: Express Access Online Communications, Greenbelt, Maryland USA
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 20:56:02 GMT

In article <1992Aug18.201830.21533@progress.com> harwood@progress.COM (Tom Harwood) writes:
>
>>You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy
>>campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you
>>will always be.
>>        -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the American Samoans,
>>                   whose capital Quayle pronounces "Pogo Pogo"
>
>So, does anyone know how Pago Pago is pronounced by the Samoans?
>Dan Quayle needs a talking chief, we all need a jelly donut!
>
It's pronounced Pawn'-go  Pawn'-go.



Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: paul@unhtel.unh.edu (Paul S. Sawyer)
Subject: Re: Need begining of old JOKE! (NOW!)
Organization: UNH Telecommunications and Network Services, Durham, NH
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 14:53:27 GMT

In article <92233.214948RMCCU@CUNYVM.BITNET> RMCCU@CUNYVM.BITNET (Robert Chambers) writes:
> ...
>It's been an age since I heard it told so thats the gist of it
>and it has lost something in the telling..
>
>Robert

This is one of MANY that improve or become more memorable if told well,
the idea being to draw such a vivid picture that you can FEEL the pig ****.
When I first heard it, the teller went into great detail about how the
fools trained the monkey with other pigs/corks;  there was a great 
description about the explosion and mess, and how everybody was disgusted
except one fool who was laughing his head off - apparently the only
one who saw it;  they asked him "how can you laugh when we are in such 
a mess?"  "Well, the funniest thing I ever saw was that poor monkey trying 
to stuff the cork back up the pigs ass."

Long stories with less of a punch line are "groaners", but this one was
a classic!
-- 
Paul S. Sawyer    - University of New Hampshire CIS - paul@unhtel.unh.edu
Telecommunications and Network Services             - VOX: +1 603 862 3262
Durham, New Hampshire  03824-3523                   - FAX: +1 603 862 2030
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: plward@ll.mit.edu (paula l ward)
Subject: Re: Bushisms and beyond
Keywords: topical, smirk, original
Reply-To: plward@ll.mit.edu (paula l ward)
Organization: MIT Lincoln Laboratory
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 92 15:50:07 GMT

|>
|>>>The following appeared in a story in today's (8/3) Boston Globe describing
|>>>President Bush's campaign appearance at a picnic near Chicago yesterday:
|>>
|>>>	"Then Bush responded to questions about whether he would drop 
|>>>	 out of the race by holding up a half-eaten ear of corn to the
|>>>	 questioners, a gesture he did not explain."
|>>
|>>>This is a new high point in the art of the Bushism.  Now the President
|>>>doesn't even need to use *words* to say things that nobody can figure out.
|>
|>No, this shows the low level of "journalism". Bush knew that if he answered that
|>question, no matter how obvious the answer, the next days headlines would read
|>'Bush denies that he is considering dropping out of race'. Rather than play
|>into the 'reporters' hands he just indicated that they could shove the ear of
|>corn up their ass for being such a jerk. I've got to admire that in a candidate
|>from any party.
|>

It's nice to see that some people recognize what alot of "journalism" 
REALLY is : Stating the 'facts' in such a way as to manipulate readers
opinions while maintaining that they are 'reporting' in an unbiased manner.

"Just the facts, Ma'am..." 

--
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
                                   /
Paula L. Ward  (plward@ll.mit.edu) /   Nor deem the irrevocable Past,     
MIT Lincoln Laboratory             /     As wholly wasted, wholly vain,
244 Wood Street M-130              /   If, rising on its wrecks, at last
Lexington, MA 02173                /     To something nobler we attain.
1-800-paula                        /            -LONGFELLOW,
                                   /             The Ladder of St. Augustine
                                   /
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: jrcodl@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Subject: Bush's affairs of state
Reply-To: jrcodl@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Organization: Rochester Institute of Technology
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 13:14:34 GMT

I don't know what all the fuss is about.  People seem to be concerned that 
he might have done to his secretary what he certainly did to every man
woman and child in the U.S. and several foriegn countries.
John (the bemused)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: toma@romulus.cray.com (Thomas Arneberg)
Subject: Re: Quayle Quotes request.
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 18 Aug 92 12:13:32 CDT

In article <edd151s.714152609@nella1.cc.monash.edu.au> edd151s@nella1.cc.monash.edu.au (Mr I.P. Rayner) writes:
>Recently posted was a long list of Dan Quayle quotes.  'Twas great reading, but
>unfortunately I trashed my hard drives, so can somebody email me a copy or
>tell me where I can get it?
>
>(I am truly amazed how the american public can seriously think about voting
>for this man again - even if it is only VP)
>
>Ivan Rayner
>edd151s@nellads.cc.monash.edu.au

I am truly amazed that people like Ivan think that Quayle actually SAID all
those alleged "quotes"! 

Many (most?) of them were jokes about Quayle by others ("here is something 
that Quayle would say..."), that apparently have been incorrectly 
attributed to Quayle.

Like P.T. Barnum said, "There's one born every minute!"

  - Tom A.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
From: edd151s@nella1.cc.monash.edu.au (Mr I.P. Rayner)
Subject: Quayle Quotes request.
Organization: Monash University, Melb., Australia.
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 15:43:29 GMT

Recently posted was a long list of Dan Quayle quotes.  'Twas great reading, but
unfortunately I trashed my hard drives, so can somebody email me a copy or
tell me where I can get it?

(I am truly amazed how the american public can seriously think about voting
for this man again - even if it is only VP)

Ivan Rayner
edd151s@nellads.cc.monash.edu.au