From: eugene@wilbur.nas.nasa.gov (Eugene N. Miya)
Subject: Patey for the Jargon file
Organization: NAS, NASA Ames Research Center, Moffett Field, CA
Date: Fri, 31 Jul 92 17:10:58 GMT

The jargon file is almost edited (crude, always will be)
Here is the Patey (tail) portion for some humor.  It's to be posed on
the 21st of every month.

Subject: Climbing Glossary

... sport terminology seen before...

[Somewhat dated, English in bias, but still useful:]
Tom Patey's One Man's Mountain.

A Glossary of Commonly Used Climbing Terms and Phrases
	or
The TV Armchair Guide to Mountaineering

Climbing rope -- fulfiles many functions, e.g., it may be used for lassoing
	projecting spikes, crossing impassible gorges or for pulling up
	climbers who have lost their nerve.
A solo climber -- One man falling alone.
A roped party -- Several men falling simultaneously.
Hemp (rope) -- A rope that breaks.
Nylon (rope) -- A rope that melts.
Ice-ax or "Pick" -- An implement for chopping holds in mud or soft rock.
Piton or "Spike" -- An implement for opening tin cans (various other uses).
Knife -- Indispensable.  Should be instantly attainable.  One of these saved
	several lives on the Matterhorn.
Snap-link -- A link that snaps.
Safety Helmet -- A safety  device for climbers falling head first.  If the fall
	is a long one, the climber may become completely impacted into his
	helmet and be telescoped into a small globular mass which can be
	stowed in a rucksack (cf. mountain rescue).
A Tiger's Web -- A hopeless tangle of rope or ropes.
A Pied d'Elephant -- A special short climbing boot for climbers who have all
	their toes amputated.
Leepers -- Small insects encounted on Welsh sea cliffs.
Krabs -- Another unusual hazard encountered on Welsh sea cliffs.
	(if this last hazard is considerable one, Lobster Claw Crampons
	are worn).
A Cow's Tail -- The fray end of an old climbing rope.
A Lay-Back -- An unusually confortable bivouac.
A Hand-Jam -- A climber with one hand caught in a crack.
A Foot-Jam -- A climber with one foot caught in a crack.
A Good-Jam -- A climber who is permanently struck in a crack.
A "Joe Brown" -- A climber with large hands who gets stuck in cracks.
Whillans -- An orange-coloured rucksack.
A Novice -- Someone (often dead) who should be kept off the mountains at
	all costs.
An experienced climber -- Someone whose death was unavoidable.
An Alpine Club Member (cf. Veteran) -- Someone who never dies but slowly
	fades away.
(Contrast:) An Alpine Veteran -- Someone who has been to the Alps.
	Steeplejacks,... # did I finish this?....
A careful climber -- A slow climber.
A cautious climber -- A very slow climber.
A climbing-nut -- A reckless climber.
A running belay -- A cowardly second.
A Thread belay -- An asphyxiated second (due to a slow third man and a very
	fast leader).
A Descendeur (French) -- A Term of derision.  The opposite of a climber.
A psychological belay -- (Alt. usage) (1) A female second; (2) Look like a
	belay but isn't...
A Classic Route -- Much loose rock and grass.
A Direttissima -- A very long free fall or "Plunge".
A long Run-out -- A very long arrested fall.
"One of Nature's Last Strongholds" or "The Last Great Problem" --
	A B.B.C. Outside Broadcasts Production.
Overhanging -- Vertical.
Vertical -- Steep.
Scrambling -- Fairly Steep.
Interesting -- Nerve-racking.
Thin -- Non-existent.
Amusing -- Die Laughing.
The Crux -- Where everyone else unties to watch the leader.
"Fissure" (French) -- A dirty, unpleasant crack.
Backing up, Straddling, Back and Knee, Back and Foot, Foot and Mouth --
	Various postures adopted in Chimneys (?Derivation -- Kama Sutra).
Considerable Exposure -- No Privacy.
Free climbing -- No charge for spectators.
A Rurp -- A strenous grunt.  A combination of a rift and a burp.
Abseiling -- Showing off, Pretending to Fall.
Committed (to the Route) -- Under Suspended Sentence of Death.
Peeling Off -- Undressing.


Climbing Calls (cf. Blackshaw -- The Penguin's Guide to Mountaineering)

"Tight Rope, Please" -- "HELP!!!"
"A Little Slack" -- "Lower away gently".
"Below" -- Leader announcing he is dropping a rock on his second's head
	(cf. Safety Helmets, Further Uses of).
Bong -- One hit.
Bong Bong -- Two hits.
Two tugs on the rope -- Second must be securely belayed from above before
	proceeding.  If two forcible tubs fail to dislodge the leader he
	may assure all is well.


Phrases which are frequently overhead on TV Mountaineering Broadcasts
(now explained)

"He seems to be experiencing some difficulty" -- "He is about to fall off".
"These chaps climb for Pleasure!" -- These men are very well paid".
"Master of ice glazed rock" -- Not very experienced on Welsh sea cliffs.

=====

--eugene miya, NASA Ames Research Center, eugene@orville.nas.nasa.gov
  Resident Cynic, Rock of Ages Home for Retired Hackers
  {uunet,mailrus,other gateways}!ames!eugene
Second Favorite email message: Returned mail: Cannot send message for 3 days
A Ref: Mathematics and Plausible Reasoning, vol. 1, G. Polya