From: ssg9328@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Samart Srijumnong)
Subject: Re: Dowry/Monkhood
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 20:19:19 GMT


salkovic@vax.sonoma.edu writes:


>    I am interested in two items;

>1. I have a Thai fiancee (still living in Thailand) and I wanted to
>know what a proper dowry amount would be. Is this standardized ?
>My girlfriend is a newsgirl and her family is of modest means. She
>lives/works in Chiangmai while her widowed mother and the rest of her 
>family lives in Phe (hard to translate Thai names).
>   I plan on formalizing the engagement in August. What can I
>expect to pay for the wedding ceremony/engagement rings etc ?
>I want to know so that I have the money before I return.

Normally, the parents of the would-be bride would let the parents of the
would-be groom know through some kind of "match maker". In many cases, 
the girl herself plays this role. Where I was born and brought up, Korat,
there were two things to be given as dowry to the girl's parents: money and
gold. It depends on the the status of both sides. If the girl is a daughter
of a wealthy family, it is likely that her boyfriend has to pay a lot, say
in those days (about 30-40 years ago), 10,000 baht with 10 baht (one baht
is 15 grams of gold) gold (normally in form of necklace). If the girl is
of average class, her parents may call for a moderate amount (5,000 Baht 
with 2 baht gold.) Since Khun Steve is a foreigner, the parents may not
expect him to live up with the tradition. You can simply buy a diamond ring,
1 or 2 karat, and use that as dowry, as many modern Thais now do. You don't
need to give her parents the money.  The engagement involves relatives of
both side. Again, since you are a foreigner, they would not expect your
relatives to be there but it would be nice if your parents can attend.
After the ceremony, there can be a "tea party" in which some Kha'NOm+ and
drinks are served. Normally, the host side (bride) will take care of the
party but the groom can extend his generosity by helping sharing the costs.
Wedding which will follow would cost a lot. If one side or both is (are)
Christian, the wedding can take place in a church. Among Buddhist Thais,
the ceremony can begin with merit making in the morning. In the evening,
their will be water blessing ceremony followed , again, a big dinner
party. Many hotels have facilities for this purpose. It may cost the
bride and the groom about 200-300 baht per head. Traditionally, guests will
give the new couple certain amount of money (100 to 500 baht mostly, few 
others may give higher than this). Some may give present. Don't expect
to make profit, though. 

In the north, Chiangmai and Prae included (note that I have stayed 
and taught at Chiangmai since 1975), wedding can take traditional 
form. The relatives and guests will gather around the couple who sit 
side by side. There is Bai-Sii+ (flower and banana leaves tied 
together to make some kind of tower, about 1-1.5 meters high. When
an individual guest approaches the bride and the groom, he/she will be
given two pieces of thread, about 4 inches long. The guest ties the thread
around the wrist of the bride and then the groom with some blessings. 
The ceremony ends when the last guest finishes the hand tying. A feast 
could be offerred to the guests afterward. 


>2. I was planning on becoming a monk before I finalize our
>marriage. Although I am not a strict Therevada Buddhist (Zen 
>Buddhism as a pathway to enlightenment appeals to my nature
>better) I feel becoming a monk for a short time would be
>good for several reasons;

It is a good idea. As one who had spent some time being a monk, I would
encourage you to do so. You will find the most peaceful time in your life.
Simple life of monkhood, two meals a day, shaved head with yellow robe, 
and moderate materials, makes you feel so psychically comfortable that 
you begin to see the essence of life.

>- I am not a believer or disbeliever in the Buddhist system of merit
>but I do believe becoming a monk will bring happiness, of some
>form, to my girlfriend's family

Many Thais believe a man who has spent some time in monkhood is KhOn-Suk'
(cultivated man). He can then be eligible to marry a girl. Becoming monk
before getting married leave all the Bun (merit) for the man's parents.
If he married and then become a monk, the merit he gains would be shared
by his wife.  
 
>- Becoming a monk will help me to assimilate Thai culture further

This is very true, particularly if you stay in a rural wat. 

>- The experience should enrich my life

Again, it is true. You will see life in another perspective. You don't need
to become a Buddhist to becoming a monk.

>  I speak/read/write Thai approxiametely equivalent to a five year old
>Thai child but I do not know Pali. What should I do in preparation
>for becoming a monk and what advice can I have as to the 
>preacticality/desirablility etc. of my becoming a monk ?

In principle, a monk should know Pali but since there are many books on 
Buddhism written in Thai, knowing Pali is no longer a need for one to learn
Buddhism. Besides, to be in monkhood for short period of time would lessen
a chance to master Pali. There are some wats that accept foreigners into 
monkhood, knowing Thai is no longer required. You can read stuffs in English
and discuss with you colleage monks in English.


>   Khrob Koon Maak samhrub kaamphriksa

>   Steve "Grataay"

Mai"Pen-Rai-Khrab"