From: dianem@boi.hp.com (Diane Mathews)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Response to thought experiment post
Date: 4 Sep 92 22:20:43 GMT
Organization: Hewlett-Packard

>This column illustrates the way women were traditionally brought up
>to act as social police of other women; to penalize nonstandard
>appearance, lifestyle choices or behavior in their female
>counterparts.

>My question is: To what extent do you think this sort of behavior
>occurs today, among contemporary women with feminist sensibilities?

Wow.  That's a hard one.  I have been around so few women in my
courses and work.  Mentioning that I am an engineer to other women
usually brings a very cool response.  I guess that it's due to some
sort of insecurity, but it could well be that they feel I've rejected
my femininity somehow.  I have no idea.  Women who have chosen any of
the "traditional fields" (you know what I mean - nursing, teaching,
lab techs, mothers) seem least able to find anything to say with me
upon finding out my occupation/field of study.

>Now: thought experiment one. I'm going to a math conference. Most of
>the attendees are men, often either considerably older or younger
>than me.  Many have had life experiences very different from mine
>(i.e., pure academia all the way through). Some Neanderthal talk,
>"Ug! Look at waitress!"

On a mildly anecdotal note: Many of the men I've been around have
seemed to consider it their duty to treat me in a sexist (against
female), or "normal" manner, that way I'd be able to deal with it more
effectively in the future.  Having been around it, i sort of absorbed
some of it.  I found myself saying something about women that was
inappropriate, and in the company of feminists.  OOPS.  Left me
feeling a bit confused for a while!

>This thought experiment doesn't work out very well. I imagine myself
>being ostracized for being socially inept and being called sexist and
>wicked when I'm really just being a dufus and -- if I have something
>very clever but very weird to say -- not being able to get it across,
>at all.

I guess I'd say that the above note is a sufficient response to this
thought experience.  I've developed some sympathy for men's confusion
with how to deal with women, and have retained much of women's
confusion about how to deal with men.  Once upon a time I asked, on
soc.women, whether any other women experienced this sort of
gender-unidentity (which I find very healthy in the kind of thought
that it provokes!).  The only responses were from a handful of men who
either didn't understand and thought it was my own fault, or who
thought I was pretty weird.  So this is my question to you - anyone
else out there in a field still dominated by men? who rarely see, let
alone speak with other women?

Oh, by the way, very little of the above applies to my current
employer, as I just got this job about a month ago.

Diane Mathews
dianem@hpbs2694.boi.hp.com


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