From: las@puffies.ai.mit.edu (Lynn Stein)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Celebrating Xmas and Hannakuh
Date: 22 Dec 1992 19:36:57 GMT
Organization: MIT Artificial Intelligence Lab
Reply-To: las@ai.mit.edu (Lynn Andrea Stein)
NNTP-Posting-Host: puffies.ai.mit.edu
In-reply-to: M18611@MBVM.Mitre.Org's message of Wed, 16 Dec 1992 16:02:51 GMT

Kathy --

You raise a lot of good questions.  I'd like to give you a few of my
own answers.

Let's say that you lived in a country where the majority of people
were of a single non-Christian religion.  Let's call it Zorkism.
And let's assume that the Zorkists celebrated their `most important'
holiday--the Zorkfest--in late spring.  As the Zorkfest approached
each year, public places would be decorated in the traditional
Zorkfest pink and purple; front lawns would be covered in Zorkies; the
air would be full of the sound of Zorklers.  You get the picture.  
(Note, of course, that a certain number of Zorkists object to this
overcommercialized versiong of the Zorkfest, which they feel neglects
its serious religious significance.)  

Now, because the Zorkists recognize that there is a substantial
Christian minority in their country, they've taken great pains to make
you feel included in their Zorkist celebrations.  Why, your neighbors
have even included a few Pentecost prayers in their Zorkfest open
house, and they've hung little people in white robes around to create
a festive Whitsunday atmosphere.  

How do you feel?

Some problems: Channukah is a minor holiday in the Jewish calendar
that has been elevated to major status because of its proximity to
Christmas.  Just as Pentecost isn't really the center of your
calendar, Channukah is peripheral to mine.  When you say `OK, so I'll
include some Channukah in my Christmas party,' I feel as awkward as
you might when the Zorkists dress in white for Pentecost.  I
appreciate your efforts, but I also see them as misdirected and I
can't tell you because I know that you mean well.

Further, in spite of the commercialization of Christmas and the
universality of its message, Christmas is not my holiday any more than
the Zorkfest would be yours.  As a child I felt awkward singing
Christmas carols (I worried that I was betraying my religion) and
worse singing Channukah songs (which really aren't the `equivalent' in
any way).  As an adult, I now feel happy to take part in my Christian
friends' and neighbors' celebrations of their holiday.  I love
Christmas carols (they're wonderful music!)  and I watch some of the
Christmas specials with my children.  But I have also had to come to
peace with the idea that this is not my holiday and while I can share
in your celebration, it is not a fundamental part of my life.

Finally, I think that there's a critical difference between the public
and the personal celebration of a holiday.  I think that your
Christmas open house sounds delightful.  If I were your neighbor, I'd
be happy to participate.  I think that it's wonderful to invite others
to share in your celebration.  But I also have some reservations with
your suggestion that my children are depriving yours (or others) of
`the nicest part of their holiday.'  By having a Christmas celebration
*in* *school* you do one of two things: either you impose your
religion on my children (I suspect that you don't intend this at all!)
or else you make my children feel that they are invited to participate
in your religious celebration.  That's fine in your home, but not in
my children's school; in their school, they should not be merely
invited guests.

Re your neighbors, I suspect that you are somewhat unusual in hosting
such an open house.  You say
  Everyone I know who has had an annual party, for Christmas, Fourth of July,
  or New Years Eve, or whenever, has not been deluged by invitations in return.
  I don't know whether it is general lack of manners or whether throwing an
  annual party puts you in a special category.  We do it for the good cheer.
I think that this does put you in a special category.  I think that
it's a fantastic thing for you to do, and I encourage you to continue
for as long as you enjoy it.  I don't think that it's Jews who don't
reciprocate; it sounds like it's everyone; but if I were to invite you
to my home for a holiday celebration, I'd be much more likely to do so
for Passover than for Channukah.

Peace.

                                             Lynn

Newsgroups: misc.kids