From: noel@umbc2.umbc.edu
Subject: Chirstmas Present--lots of Top 10 lists
Organization: University of Maryland Baltimore County
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 18:39:32 GMT

	The following posts are my Christmas present to the net.  Every weekly
Silly Top 10 List since Early 1992, along with others that I saw posted.  

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Noel Tominack


From: dwk1@kepler.unh.edu (David W Kimball)
Date:  5-MAY-1992 23:32:21
Description: all the silly top ten lists you could ever want to read


     Recently I retired the silly top ten list, but included an offer to
mail my entire file containing these lists to any interested party. Well,
the response has been overwhelming! So as a public service, I have decided
to post the whole shabang. This file contains every silly top ten list I
posted this semester. Enjoy, and trek on!

     I will of course still honor any requests by e-mail. I love getting
mail!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, the TOP TEN lines from the upcoming TNG episode,
"The Enterprise Stops at Taco Bell":

10) (Troi) I sense... indigestion.
9) (Picard) Don't order the fajitas, Number One, they'll go through you at
   warp nine.
8) (Wesley, guest starring) Look, mister, the sign says you get a free "Little
   Orphan Annie" cup with any taco salad purchase, and I'm not leaving here till
   I get one!
7) (Worf) Klingons do NOT eat burritos!
6) (Geordi) I bet if I allowed anti-matter to collide with these chimichangas
   we could boost warp power by 27 percent!
5) (Dr. Crusher, pointing tricorder at a taco) Inconclusive meat readings,
   Captain.
4) (Picard) You're on, Number One. Whoever can squirt the most jalapeno sauce
   up his nose gets treated to dessert.
3) (Riker) What do you mean you don't serve tokelau here? What kind of Mexican
   restaurant is this?
2) (Data, re-joining Geordi after bugging Picard with a boring monologue on
   the history of the enchilada) I do not believe it is physically possible
   for me to place an enchilada in the area suggested by the Captain.
1) (Picard) When we get back on the ship and you have the conn, Number One,
   you'd better not queef on my chair!



    the TOP TEN Favorite Activities of Capt. Jean-Luc Picard
---------------------------------------------------------------

10) ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the
    forehead and saying "I could have had a V-8!"
9) yelling "Punchbuggy!" and hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees
   a shuttlecraft
8) screwing around in the holodeck when he ought to be on the bridge
7) spotlighting unsuspecting crewmembers with the glare from his forehead
6) lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other
   life-forms
5) sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if
   Dick Hertz is there
4) asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a
   REAL Picard Maneuver"
3) Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral
   Zone by asking "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
2) telling crewmembers in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead! Make it so!"
1) putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team
   beams back up


     And coming next week... the TOP TEN Reasons Riker Won't Shave!



       The TOP TEN reasons why Riker won't shave:
      --------------------------------------------

10) Hopes his beard will draw attention away from his constant silly smile.

9) He and Worf are having a beard-growing contest.

8) It helps hide the faint, hereditary birthmark on his chin that proves
   he's a werewolf.

7) Hopes to look scarier to hostile aliens.

6) Starfleet has bridge personnel hair quotas and he's trying to make up
   for Picard.

5) He thinks Troi finds it sexy.

4) (seasons 2 to mid-4 only) Didn't trust himself to pick up a can of shaving
   cream because the temptation to go and spray it at Wesley was too great.

3) Wants to look more like his hero, Ming the Merciless.

2) Every time he does, Q makes his beard grow back in five minutes as a gag.

1) Picard won't let him fire up his photon blade.



    The TOP TEN upcoming episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation
           (including a preview of the first TNG movie!)

10) Breeding Grounds - Organian frat boys replace the coffee normally
             served on the Enterprise with Folger's crystals spiked with
             Klingon aphrodisiacs

9) Electro-Q-tion (alternate title: Q d'etat) - Q endows every Starfleet
             uniform on the Enterprise with permanent static cling; the
             Captain breaks the record for most shirt-tugging "Picard
             Maneuvers" in one episode

8) The Bonding II - Picard accidentally Crazy Glues himself to the table
             in his ready room

7) Deanna Does Pallas - while the Enterprise is on a mission in the Solar
             System's asteroid belt, Counselor Troi's Betazoid sex drive
             reaches its peak

6) Hell Hath No Fury - Keiko buries a machete in O'Brien's back after finding
             him on the holodeck cheating on her with a computer-generated
             bimbo

5) Globular Mustard - an alien probe of unknown origin pulls abreast of the
             Enterprise, opens hailing frequencies, and asks, "Pardon me,
             do you have any Grey Poupon?"

4) Embroider at Needlepoint (alternate title: Prose-Q-ting Attorney) - Q puts
             humanity on trial again, claiming that it is a savage and 
             tasteless race, introducing as evidence a really ugly sweater
             that Dr. Crusher knitted Captain Picard for his last birthday

3) The Funted - superior aliens sieze the Enterprise claiming that they wish
             to study humans, but in a surprise ending reveal that the crew is
             really on Galactic Candid Camera

2) Out, Out, Damn Spot - Data's cat gets onto the bridge and spits up a
             hairball on Captain Picard

1) Star Trek VII: Up the Creek - Wesley and three of his pals must win a
             river rafting race for Starfleet Academy



(this one was billed as a BIZARRE top ten list, I thought it was more
bizarre than silly)

  the TOP TEN signs that the Enterprise is crewed by Satan worshipers!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

10) Ship's food synthesizers make only deviled ham and deviled eggs

9) Most common Sickbay complaint is neck cramps from being possessed by
   demons that make your head spin around, like in "The Exorcist"

8) Picard refuses to take the ship to any point in either the Northern or
   Southern Cross

7) When the Captain's Log is played backward, hidden messages advocating
   Satan worship and human sacrifice can be heard

6) A large cauldron, broomstick, and black, pointed hat are prominently
   displayed in Troi's quarters

5) Communicator pin changed to magical pentagram shape

4) Riker obviously made a pact with the devil that forces women to be
   attracted to him despite his zero personality

3) Forty percent of all male babies born on the ship are named "Lucifer"

2) Universal Translator designed to handle speaking in tongues

1) Picard tried to have the ship's name and registry changed to
   U.S.S. Beelzebub, NCC-666    



     the TOP TEN secrets about the Enterprise and its crew
     -----------------------------------------------------

10) All routine maintainence on the ship is done by Oompa-Loompas

9) Dr. Pulaski was sealed alive in a seldom used Jefferies tube by Data
   after she insulted him one too many times

8) Riker's parents were Nazis, his middle initial "T" stands for "Third"

7) Troi starts all counseling sessions with male crewmembers by asking
   "So, is that a phaser rifle in your pocket, or are you just glad to
   see me?"

6) Before joining Starfleet, Jean-Luc Picard was a Chippendale's dancer

5) "Worf" is Klingonese for "pinhead"

4) Riker amuses himself by signing all reports with the abbreviation
   "F. Off."

3) Geordi is taking a shuttlecraft apart and mailing it home piece by piece

2) Picard is Wesley's father

1) Due to a time travel accident, Wesley is Picard's father



    Well, campers, this week's silly top ten list comes to us from
Waterville, Maine - specifically, from Colby College, where my younger
sister Katie is a freshman. We keep in touch via e-mail, and recently I 
suggested to her that we collaborate on a top ten list. She sent the
list that you are about to read as a tentative starting point, but I
liked it so much that I am posting it without alteration. She is its 
sole author, and all fan letters, hate mail, and/or death threats may
be sent directly to chkimbal@colby.edu or may be sent to yours truly,
who will forward them to her address when I get back. Don't bother posting
any remarks - she doesn't read rec.arts.startrek.misc!


         the TOP TEN reasons Picard won't fire the phasers:
         --------------------------------------------------

10) He doesn't know how.

9)  He doesn't want to succumb to crew pressure.

8)  He doesn't want to lose the women attracted by his sensitive side.

7)  He doesn't want to use the same effects as the old show.

6)  Emily Post recommends not firing on a first encounter.

5)  It saves energy.

4)  He is on the holodeck pretending he has a life.

3)  He is promoting a kinder, gentler Starfleet.

2)  The other ship is probably carrying a relative of Tasha Yar.

1)  What would his mother say?



      the TOP TEN worries of Capt. Jean-Luc Picard
      --------------------------------------------

10) Has to figure out at least a token punishment for Worf for killing
    a crew member who hid a tribble in Worf's bed as a practical joke

9) The impulse engines have been making a funny noise lately

8) Crew refers to him as "Captain Chrome-Dome Retard" behind his back

7) That the voices in his head telling him to throw Counselor Troi out
   an airlock will become too insistent to ignore

6) Ensign Ro has introduced a strain of Bejoran V.D. into the Enterprise
   population that cordrazine won't even put a dent in

5) Wesley might come to visit

4) Luwxanna Troi might come to visit

3) If he doesn't get the pizzas to Starbase 141 within thirty minutes,
   they're free

2) The way Data keeps reading "2001: A Space Odyssey" over and over again

1) Riker will keep turning down promotion after promotion and he'll NEVER
   be rid of the big dork!



     Before we get to this week's silly top 10 list, we have a bonus top 10 
list. It was written and sent to me by noel@umbc1.umbc.edu (Noel Tominack,
ACS  University of Maryland Baltimore County). I thought it was definitely
worth posting, and so (with his permission, of course) here are:


TOP 10 WORST STARFLEET NAMES AND REGISTRIES

10.  U.S.S. Answer   NCC 42

9.  U.S.S. Pickup    NCC 52

8.  U.S.S. Satan     NCC 666

7.  U.S.S. Friday    NCC 13-8

6.  U.S.S. Oldsmobile NCC 442

5.  U.S.S. James Bond  NCC 007

4.  U.S.S. Rescue   NCC 911

3.  U.S.S. Ivory    NCC 99 44/100

2.  U.S.S. George Orwell  NCC 1984

and the #1 Worst Starship name and registry

1.  U.S.S. Beverly Hills   NCC 90210


written by Noel Tominack, ACS
University of Maryland Baltimore County


We now return you to your regularly scheduled silly top 10 list, namely:

     the TOP TEN Complaints of the Romulan Intelligence Agency
     ---------------------------------------------------------

10) Federation keeps smuggling loads of "Coed Naked Parise's Squares"
    T-shirts to Romulan universities

9) Every other officer is a clone of Tasha Yar

8) "Romulan" is an anagram for "unmoral"

7) Shoulder pads on our new uniforms are so big we look like a Vulcanoid
   version of the Green Bay Packers

6) Comissary at Agency HQ serves watered-down Romulan ale

5) Ever since we blew up our own Vulcan invasion force, it's been impossible
   to get volunteers for the next one

4) name "Enterprise" sounds suspiciosly like Romulan phrase "enn t'rp reis"
   meaning "your mother sucks eggs"

3) All of Sela's big plans work about as well as lead balloons

2) Stole the blueprints for the Federation's proposed Escher class starship,
   but can't make head nor tail out of them

1) $800 million credit cloaked surveillance satellite in Earth orbit was
   supposed to moniter Starfleet HQ, but only picks up MTV instead



Ladies and gentleman, I bid you welcome to this special performance.
        Tonight, Bellman Productions proudly presents:

             Silly Top Ten List - the Musical!
             ---------------------------------

selection #10
Music: title theme from "Gilligan's Island"

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a maiden trip,
That started from this deep space port,
Aboard this Starfleet ship.
The mate was a mighty dorky guy,
The skipper, bald and bold,
The ship was ordered to Farpoint,
For a two-part episode, a two-part episode.

The ship got captured by the Q,
The awful script was rough,
If not for the fervor of the fearless fans,
We would have turned it off, we would have turned it off.

Now, the ship is boldly going
Where no one has gone before,
With Jean-Luc Picard, and Riker too,
The red-head Doc, and her son,
The Betazoid,
An android and a Klingon man,
Here on the Enterprise!

               * * * * * * * * * *

selection #9
Music: "Home on the Range"
Singers: the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701-D

Oh give me a home, where the Captain's a chrome-dome,
Where the crew on the holodeck play.
Where seldom the words "fire phasers" are heard,
And Wesley at school is away.

               * * * * * * * * * *

selection #8
Music: "With Catlike Tread" from "The Pirates of Penzance"
       by Gilbert and Sullivan
Singers: the r.a.s.* canon police

We canon-heads
Don't accept all Trek.
Only what's on film
The rest can go to heck.
No books at all!
We don't believe a word
Even if it was okayed by the Great Bird.

So steadily we flame the techs
For spouting off Franz Joseph's specs

Trekkers on r.a.s!
Watch our local station
Do a Vulcan salutation
Keep canonicity
Free of FASA's blasphemy!

               * * * * * * * * * *

selection #7
Music: theme from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"

Cannon-fodder red-shirt extras!
Cannon-fodder red-shirt extras!
Cannon-fodder red-shirt extras!
You know that they'll be toasted
R.I.P.

They rarely last through more than just one scene,
Every time you look, they're dying on the screen,
When that bug-eyed monster attacks,
Those security guys are nothin' but snacks.

Cannon-fodder red-shirt extras!
Cannon-fodder red-shirt extras!
Cannon-fodder red-shirt extras!
Shouldn't ever beam down
R.I.P.

Those red-shirt guys are really up the creek,
They never live to come back the next week,
Bear the brunt of every attack,
So many croak, you can't keep track.

Cannon-fodder red-shirt extras!
Cannon-fodder red-shirt extras!
Cannon-fodder red-shirt extras!
You know that they'll be toasted
R.I.P.

               * * * * * * * * * *

selection #6
Music: Monty Python's lumberjack song
Singer: Commander Riker

Oh, I'm First Officer and I'm okay,
I sleep around and I work all day!
I man the bridge, I sign reports,
I go to the lavatory.
I hang out with the Captain, and he makes me drink Earl Grey tea!

Oh, I'm First Officer and I'm okay,
I sleep around and I work all day!
I man the bridge, I grow my beard,
I lead the away teams.
I've scored on every planet onto which I have been beamed!

Oh, I'm First Officer and I'm okay,
I sleep around and I work all day!
I play poker, I skip and jump,
I visit Risa when on leave.
When I whip out my horgon, the babes all run to me!

               * * * * * * * * * *

selection #5
Music: "Can't Touch This" by M.C. Hammer
Singer: Captain Picard  a.k.a. M.C. Baldo

My, my, my, my starship is
So cool
Makes me say
Look here, fool
the Enterprise is
So rad
With its 2-Live crew
And Captain so bad
I've met Romulans and Ferengi and dissed 'em
A superfly French guy from the Sol system
And you know, you can't say no
When I tell you to... Make it so!

Make it so!
Make it so!

Oh! Oh, oh, oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh, oh, oh! Oh!

Make it so!
Make it so!

               * * * * * * * * * *

selection #4
Music: "Takin' Care of Business" by B.T.O.
Singer: Wesley Crusher

I get up every mornin'
To the alarm clock's warnin'
And take the turbo-lift up to the bridge.
I'm in charge of navigation
So I've got to man my station
For an acting ensign, quite a privilege.
And if there's some threat
Well, you sure as heck can bet
That I'll figure out a way to save the day!
If you ever get annoyed at this acting ensign boy,
Well, I'm not the one who writes it, okay?

I'll be savin' the Enterprise, every day,
Savin' the Enterprise, every way,
Savin' the Enterprise, it gets old,
Savin' the Enterprise, in every episode.

               * * * * * * * * * *

selection #3
Music: "There's a Hole in the Bucket"
Singers: Geordi LaForge and Leah Brahms

There's a hole in the warp field, dear Leah, dear Leah,
There's a hole in the warp field, dear Leah, a hole.

Patch the hole then, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
Patch the hole then, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, patch the hole.

With what shall I patch it, dear Leah, dear Leah,
With what shall I patch it, dear Leah, with what?

Use a phase shift, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
Use a phase shift, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, a phase shift.

And how shall I shift it, dear Leah, dear Leah,
And how shall I shift it, dear Leah, just how?

Reverse the polarity, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
Reverse the polarity, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, the polarity.

How shall I reverse it, dear Leah, dear Leah,
How shall I reverse it, dear Leah, just how?

Reconfigure the crystals, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
Reconfigure the crystals, dear Geordi, the crystals.

With what shall I reconfigure them, dear Leah, dear Leah,
With what shall I reconfigure them, dear Leah, with what?

With a proton beam, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
With a proton beam, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, a proton beam.

And how shall I make it, dear Leah, dear Leah,
And how shall I make it, dear Leah, this beam?

Extend the warp field, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, dear Geordi,
Extend the warp field, dear Geordi, dear Geordi, extend the field.

There's a hole in the warp field, dear Leah, dear Leah...


               * * * * * * * * * *

selection #2
Music: excerpt from "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen
Singer: Commander Riker (with fan chorus)

Captain, just got offered a command,
It's the third or fourth this year,
But I really like it here,
Oh Captain, I'm the show's co-star,
Do they think I'm gonna just throw that away?

I see a pretty good director of a man
Jonathan Frakes! Jonathan Frakes! Will you direct the next episode?
Phaser bolts and lightning, very very frightening me
Galileo!           Shuttle Galileo!
Galileo!           Shuttle Galileo!
Galileo, Ferengi. (Magnifico!)

I am just a poor boy, nobody loves me,
He is just a poor boy, with poor acting ability,
Spare us the fans from this monstrosity!

Easy come, easy go, do you think he'll go?
Bismillah! No, he will not leave the show! - leave the show!
Bismillah! He will not leave the show! - leave the show!
Bismillah! He will not leave the show! - leave the show!
Will not leave the show! - leave the show!
Never, never, never will I go - leave the show!
No no no no no no no!
O mama mia, mama mia, mama mia leave the show.
Starfleet Command has a vessel put aside for me, for me,
For me!

               * * * * * * * * * *

selection #1
Music: the tune of "Abdul Abulbul Amir"

The box office profits are valuable as gold
So the crew for the big screen did steer
And of all their six movies, the worst I am told
Is Star Trek: The Final Frontier.

Spock had a half-brother, the idea was lame
The F\X were all below par
In the credits the name, William Shatner, it came
Under writer, director, and star.

It was a disaster, the bomb was complete
It was worse than we even had feared
Sybok wasn't the only one feeling the pain
At this God-awful movie's premier!



     Good morning campers! This week we are again fortunate to have a
bonus top ten list, again courtesy of noel@umbc2.umbc.edu (Noel Tominack).
So without further delay, here are:


TOP 10 Problems Wesley Crusher has at the Starfleet Academy

10.  Keeps bumping into doors that don't open for him

9.  Doesn't have his Mommy to protect him

8.  Will not get his credits in Transporter Science after he accidentally
    relocated the Academy to South Pole

7.  Boothby "accidentally" spraying water on him every chance he can

6.  Letters from Hugh G. Rection

5.  Former Nova Teammates putting anti-matter in his bed

4.  Thought his instructors were kidding when they said "You think you are
    so smart?  YOU teach the damned class!"

3.  Academy Internet node does not carry alt.sex newsgroups

2.  The commencement speaker will be the Captian of the Boseman

and the number one problem for Wesley Crusher at the Starfleet Academy:

1.  He never gets to save the Academy from destruction




             the TOP TEN lines you'll never hear
              on Star Trek: The Next Generation
         -------------------------------------------

10) Worf: Klingons do *not* play tiddlywinks!

9) Picard: It's too bad we don't live in an enlightened, civilized era
            like they had in the twentieth century.

8) Geordi: Did you hear Wesley almost got kicked out of the academy again?
           They caught him smoking pot!
   Data: (looks puzzled) Pot? (brightens) Ah. Marijuana - a narcotic
         obtained from the hemp plant. Cannabis. Weed. Mary Jane. Grass.
         Reefer. Panama red...

7) Troi (to someone she is counseling): You've obviously mistaken me for
        someone who cares! Now get out!

6) Worf: Ouch! I got a paper cut!

5) a Starfleet admiral: Don't worry about it, Picard, there's plenty of
        other ships in your quadrant.

4) Riker: Not tonight - I have a headache.

3) Worf: Do we have to beam down right now? The Smurfs are on subspace T.V.!

2) Geordi: We've modified the warp coils by reversing the polarity of the
           inverse geometric phase integrator and adding a broad-band
           neutrino flux generator to the hyper-magnetic field controls.
   Riker: What will that do?
   Geordi: Not a damn thing, but it sure as hell *sounds* impressive!

1) Picard: Oh, screw the hailing frequencies. Fire all phasers!



     the TOP TEN T-shirts worn by members of the Enterprise crew
     -----------------------------------------------------------

10) (Wesley)  Starfleet Academy Funnel Team

9) (Riker)  Play Jazz Naked

8) (Worf)  Klingons do NOT wear funny T-shirts!

7) (Picard)  Make it so!

6) (O'Brien)  Beam THIS up!

5) (Data)  Cochrane's equations

4) (Wesley)  Hard Rock Cafe - Tau Ceti

3) (Geordi)  Wanna see my dilithium crystals?

2) (Riker)  My Captain got assimilated by the Borg, and all I got was
            this lousy T-shirt!

1) (Picard)  Starship Captains do it at warp speed!



     NOTE: This week's installment is a collaboration between myself
and my sister Katie (chkimbal@colby.edu). In honor of the fact that it
has twice the usual number of authors, it is also twice the normal
length of a typical top ten list. 

     The unexpected can be rare on a show like TNG, where the writers'
motto is apparently "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle", but hopefully today's entry
is proof that TNG can still throw the occasional curve. To wit:


     the TOP TWENTY surprise plot twists in upcoming TNG episodes
     ------------------------------------------------------------

20) Worf signs his son Alexander up for ballet lessons

19) The distress call they have been answering is a prank Wesley sent from
    the Academy

18) Guinan removes her hat, revealing that she is a Saturday Night Live
    style Conehead

17) Picard beams down

16) All of Geordi's lines are in words of two syllables or less, with no 
    pseudo-scientific doubletalk

15) Troi runs amok with a machete

14) Barclay is really the Captain; Picard is just an ensign, and all of his
    "command" has been a holodeck simulation

13) No guest stars are relatives of Tasha Yar

12) Geordi gets a woman

11) Riker *doesn't* get a woman

10) Data states that he cannot use contractions after using one in the
    previous scene, and the fabric of the universe, unable to withstand
    the continuity error, is rent asunder

9) Picard wakes up muttering "there's no place like home"

8) Riker accepts command of another starship, the U.S.S. ZZ Top

7) Ten Forward is turned into a strip-joint, with its lead act being Beverly
   Crusher as "The Dancing, Disrobing Doctor"

6) Tired of not being sure whether he is a lieutenant or a chief petty
   officer, O'Brien beams the entire bridge crew into a black hole and
   assumes the rank of Captain

5) Picard fires the phasers

4) "Prime Directive" is the word of the day, entire crew goes "Aaaaahhhhh!!"
   at the top of their lungs whenever it is mentioned

3) Data's cat, Spot, is revealed as a Romulan spy

2) Wesley is affected the same as the rest of the crew, and a no-name security
   guard saves the ship

1) Picard switches from Earl Grey to Nestea Instant Tea Mix; does "Nestea
   Plunge" into swimming pool on holodeck



     Well, campers, this is the last top ten list I will be posting.
I'll have too much work to do the next couple weeks, with finals and
all, and then I graduate. If anyone out there wants a copy of any or
all of the lists, I will be here for two more weeks, and I will check
my mail occasionally, so just e-mail me your requests. I'd like to thank
everyone who sent me all the great e-mail. It's been fun.


        the TOP TEN command decisions Captain Picard has to make
        --------------------------------------------------------

10) Should he send Wesley an FTD Pick-Me-Up bouquet?

9) How big a tip to leave in 10-Forward

8) Should he open hailing frequencies or beam over a nice Hallmark
   card instead?

7) Stock up on minoxidol or turtle wax?

6) Whether or not to have easy-listening music played in the turbolifts

5) Should he put Spock on his Christmas card list?

4) Whether or not to have Data's cat neutered

3) Whether or not to have Commander Riker neutered

2) Bud or Coors?

1) Keep matter/antimatter warp engines or switch over to natural gas?


    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    ::      David W. Kimball      :: WARNING: The surgeon general has     ::
    :: Snark Hunting major at UNH :: determined that reading silly .sigs  ::
    ::    dwk1@kepler.unh.edu     :: may be hazardous to your health.     ::
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::> You rang? --Lurch <::::::::::::::::::::::::::

-- 
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    ::      David W. Kimball      :: WARNING: The surgeon general has     ::
    :: Snark Hunting major at UNH :: determined that reading silly .sigs  ::
    ::    dwk1@kepler.unh.edu     :: may be hazardous to your health.     ::
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::> You rang? --Lurch <::::::::::::::::::::::::::


From: noel@umbc2.umbc.edu
Date: 11-MAY-1992 17:34:51
Description: A silly Top 10 List

	Hello, I am Noel Tominack from University of Maryland at Baltimore 
County.  I was a bit nonplussed at Dave Kimball's ending of the top 10 list and 
decided to give it a shot myself.
	Please rememenr I am new at this and don't have that flair yet.  If I 
really do a lame job I'll just quietly slip away.
	But for now, with the episode "I, Borg" coming up, I thought it only 
approrpiate that I bring you:


TOP 10 WAYS TO TELL YOUR ROOMMATE IS A BORG

10.  Their clothes are always black

9.  The $50,000 phone bills

8.  They spend 3 weeks in Florida and still look white

7.  Your home entertainment center disappears, two days later they are 
    wearing it.

6.  TV reception gets poor when they walk by

5.  They spend more time reading newsgroups than you do

4.  Whenever you talk to them the laser on the side of their head 
    blings you

3.  An electronics store chain used them as a mascot

2.  They assimilate all your food

and the number one way to tell if your roommate is a Borg

1.  Everything is irrelavant