From: mgundeko@pcserver2.Naitc.Com (Murthy Gundekota)
Subject: The Gundekota File: Where is the erotic desi computer match?
Organization: Somewhere near Chicago
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 92 19:05:29 GMT

The Gundekota File-Entry#11: Where is the erotic desi computer match?
=====================================================================

A junky addressing people as `Okay all you  frustrated desis out there' 
posts a bunch of garbage about some computer-account's likes and
dislikes. This is hardly a fun thing. Let me tell you why. Compuserve
has an interesting forum where one can meet their sexual opposites. It
is a lot of entropy with very little action. It is meant that way.
Compuserve makes good money by the phone connect time spent on this
ding-dong-bell-pussy-in-the-well-who-put-her-in kiddie stuff. But the
issues discussed there are interesting nevertheless. The discussion
 includes sexual innuendos, double entenders, orgasmic experiences,
cunnilingus preferences, sexual risks, etc. etc. These are not
intellectually arousing issues. However, they have a certain
interestingness when you don't know cunnilingus or don't know how to
connect a small arse with a long beard or a ring-finger with a big
arse. Call it a qualitative simulation of Vatsyayana's theories, if
you wish. Even though Vatsyayana had not thought about how to make the
small spoon explode with the intensity of a big spoon in a
non-descript recepticle of fixed dimensions, but flexible surface.
This is when modern science helps. Besides, there were no condoms
during Vat's times. Just imagine the tricks you can conjure up with
condoms. Before I can tell you some tricks, I want you to objectively
understand that a condom is, basically, a balloon. You can inflate it,
deflate it, use it to fly above atlantic, decorate the party floor
with a number of them, fill it up with water if you set forward to
cross a desert, use it to measure the ozone content in a room, make it
filter sewage water by reverse-osmosis, etc. etc. I will tell you the
various ways of using condoms to have safe and fun sex. Before that I
have an axe to grind about these Indian computer dates.

Now tell me dear lrao@rock.no_sex_lab.virgin_university, what can you
offer, if I've sent you an erotic mail. I know what you will do if
I've sent you obscene mail. You will blackmail me, run me down like a
dog in the net and report to my sys administrator as if I am a dog in
its prime to be neutered. Can you send me back erotic messages? No, I
don't want to receive your poems in multi languages. My lingua franca
tells me that English, that to in ASCII standard (binary is also
okay), is just good enough for sexual pleasure. So if you translated
Mira Bai from Hindi to Telugu to arouse me, sorry babe, my junior
can't read or sing Mira Bhajan. Wait, are you telling me that you are
a great cook? You better be a Cajean cook who can toss silicon on
high-density-video-terminal to make a delectable dish garnished with
windows and color. Whereas, I can't get your Indian dish experimental
results across Usenet. Besides, I am not hungry for food. Now I get
it. You are looking for a husband who can show you pleasure outside a
computer terminal. Fat chance! I am not looking for a wife outside a
computer terminal. I am not really looking for a wife. Period. So if
you want me to marry you, there is only one way--you transform into a
computer component. Why, Ahalya has done it, even though she didn't
want to be a stone by her free-will?  Guess, who redeemed her? Of
course, the great Rama, who is not a stone cutter by any chance. She
did all this for her husband. Then there was this Urmila who slept
like a pillow until her husband returned. So is it too much for you to
transform into some computer part? You should be able to handle my
request, somehow, if you really care about me.  Remember, I am not
asking you to do cunnilingus with me. Not in doggie style or in any
hard-for-the-fat-butt yoga posture.

Coming back to the tricks-of-the-trade using condoms, here are some:

*fill it up with molten butter (warm at 72 degree F) and then add a
pinch of salt until it dissolves in the molten better (so it prevents
it from freezing again). Then you ask your sexual opposite to wear it
(I am assuming you know that female condoms are available nowadays).
The resulting experience is what I call ``finger licking good.''

*inflate it and hold the mouth so air is retained. Quickly wear it, if
you are a male, and seal the end with a rubber band. Use bicycle wax
to further make it air-tight and retain air for a longer time. Then
you try it. The resulting experience is what I call ``flintstones
making out with rubber tires.''

*paint the outside of the condom with colors and make the partner
probe it for ``bull's eye,'' which is a particular color spot detected
by the color smear on the skin. This experience is slightly wild so I
call it ``splashing the pap smear with color.''

last but not least,

*swallow the condom in your mouth and use it for an excellent blow
job. Make sure you don't choke and die prematurely in your fear of
catching AIDS.

While doing these you are being safe and having fun. Don't tell me I
can't post these on SCI. I have a license from the Surgeon General to
inform all the Indian babes that they are wasting time and bandwidth
on the net looking for guys. The real guys are not on the net, but in
bars, tennis courts, gyms, restaurants, and outdoors having fun. So
why not join them? 


Murthy



Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian,wpi.students.desis