From: judy@locus.com (Judy Leedom Tyrer)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Giving into a fad? When do you say no!
Date: 8 Sep 92 20:45:47 GMT
Article-I.D.: locus.1992Sep08.204547.2205588
Organization: Locus Computing Corporation, Los Angeles, California

I have found a solution that works for me and Mitchell.  YMMV.  

This project was a two prong approach to the current problem of our house
that seems to come with the beginning of true childhood (i.e., post-toddlerhood
and pre-pre-teen).  

	Problem 1:	Mom, I NEED _____.  I WANT _____.  You can fill
			in the blanks with anything from the last toy
			commercial to the latest neighborhood fad.

	Problem 2:	I can't _____ because I'm sick or (my favorite) my
			legs are broken.  Fill in the blank with anything from
			pick up my toys to do my chores.

	Solution:	It's not MY problem, it's YOUR problem.  Here my is
			the parent and your is the child.  So they have control
			over getting those things they need and want by doing
			those things they cannot do because they are sick or
			their legs are broken.

I call it "The Mommy Store".  I put together a catalogue of all the toys
Mitchell "really really wants".  And beside each toy is a price.  I stopped
at the local crafts store to find slugs to make money out of, but they didn't
have what I had envisioned.  So I picked up some cheap glass "jewels".  Each
toy in the catalogue has a number of jewels placed next to it and different
jobs around the house earn jewels.  There is a small inventory at the Mommy
Store which is hiding in my closet.  This is necessary for the younger child
because of their need for instant gratification.

It really works.  It works because everytime I hear "I need, I want" we just
"add it to the catalogue" and price it.  You need it, you earn it.  And if
a chore isn't done by the child as requested, hey, no big deal.  Just remember
that you can't get that toy you've been need/wanting.

Now I think there are several things that make this work better than other 
reward systems I've tried.  First, my child doesn't really have the power to 
comprehend long term savings plans and to really earn enough quarters to buy 
something is too difficult.  The savings idea comes when he realizes that 
the only toys he can still buy for just two jewels aren't ones he wants
nearly as much as that one that costs a red jewel.  (And to help with real
money, we made 4 blue jewels equal a red jewel just like 4 quarters equal a
dollar).  We are pretty close to that one as he did decide to save for a
toy worth three jewels rather than buy one worth just two. 

The other thing I like about "The Mommy Store" is that it has hours.  It is
only open until 11 AM on Saturday mornings.  So any chores done during the 
week require saving until Saturday to "shop".  And if you want to shop on
Saturday and haven't earned enough, there's a deadline on how long you can
dawdle.

And next birthday, I plan on introducing the concept of inflation.  At four,
Mitchell can earn a jewel by picking up all his toys (including those dragged
all over the house) and another one by cleaning up the dog poop.  At five,
he should be able to do additional chores.  But the price of toys will also
go up.  Probably not equal to his additional chores, but enough to get him
used to the concept that the more you can do the more is expected of you and
that this is a good thing.

Am I bribing my child to pick up his toys?  I don't think so.  I think I am
making his toys being picked up his responsibility just as the acquisition
of new toys is his responsibility.  I also think I am teaching him a little
bit about business and economics.  

But what I like most about this whole way of parenting (this is really just
borrowed and modified from lots of stuff I've read) is that it puts 
the responsibility for proper behavior on the shoulders of the child rather
than the parents.   And frankly, I consider it a parenting stress reliever.

So, in answer to giving into fads, hey, let the child decide how she chooses
to spend her money.  Soon she will see the futility of trying to keep up with
the latest fad.  I think far more effectively, as well, than if you try to
lecture and explain.  



-- 
Judy Leedom Tyrer

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"	- William Blake
Newsgroups: misc.kids