HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 12:03:00 EST
From:         Doc Feelgood <LIBJRM@EMUVM1.BITNET>
Subject:      re: no, don't get up...

Melanie, baby, sweetheart-

Relax. Take a DEEP breath. Take another.

There - feel a little better? a little less UPTIGHT?!

Goooood. Thhhaaaaaaaaat's right. Now breathe again. Slooooowly, deeeeeeeply.

Very good. Now, isn't that better than before?

It's not so bad, is it? just because someone breaks into someone else's
e-house is no cause for *TENSION* now, is it? No need to *CHASTISE* them,
now, is there?

Have you considered contacting the Church of the Subgenius? You strike me as
a prime candidate for some serious SLACKening.

Care for another Valium?

-DF
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Tue, 26 Jan 1993 14:11:17 EST
From:         CYNOVY@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: No Subject

>Ok, I admit, I was just trying to get a reaction out of you. I'm glad it
>worked. But I still think you're a bunch of freaks, and not the good type. You

Great, just great.  Now I won't be able to get that damn song out of my
head.  "Oh, she's a very kinky girl/ the kind you don't bring home to
mother"...

>remind me of the beginnings of a mob forming on the street. (Yeah, let's kill
>em!) For instance, can someone tell me why you treated that one guy, a couple
>weeks ago, who was asking about someone, I forgot his name, so bad? I'm sorry
>I can't remember who it was he was asking about. The way you all talked about
>him it seemed like he must be famous in some way or other. Anyhow, he left the
>list, apparently, and this guy was asking about him, and you guys just jumped
>all over him. You practically told him to get lost. It sounded like there were

Oh, yeah, that guy, yeah, I remember, yeah, well, I'm sorry for having
treated him badly, or I think it was me who was treating him badly,
just cause he asked that question or was it that he accidentally sent
private mail to the whole list? I can't remember now and it wasn't that
we were picking on him or at least I'm not sure that I was picking
on him but this was a couple of weeks ago, right? and there was that
guy, you know the one, the famous one, the one he was asking about,
what was his name?, he was asking about him, you remember, the guy was,
but I don't remember which one that was, was he the one he wanted to
meet, or was he the one that was lost? no, I'm sorry, I see that's
wrong, we told him to get lost, and maybe you could help me on this
point, just exactly did he get lost? and was that what we did? yeah,
I remember now, yeah.  Oh, I feel terrible.

>  I laughed for a while. But this stuff about pissing on a little boy's tongue
>to save his life--what in the world is the point of going over it? Did it

Tell the truth: would you have thought of it?  Well, there you are.
FNORD: where people look out for other people in times of grave crisis.

>comments with no meaning? And why, why German? Or is it even real German, is
>it fake German meant to be entertaining in some way?

No, no, no, you're missing the obvious reference.  "How German is it?"
Well, am I right?  Well, am I?

>who is this Extropians or whatever? Is it a list I might find a little less
>vicious and piss-oriented than this one?If so, I would appreciate the address

And the crowded movie theatre cries out, almost in unison, "No!  Don't
Do It!  Don't open the door!"

It Came From Defending Civil Liberties to the Point of Absurdity Part IV.
From: DEATH@HIGH.NOON.EDU
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Subject: Re: aw, shucks guys, gee
Date: 28 Jan 93 15:10:05 GMT
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU

Yes, I'm sorry, Melanie.  You must have been wearing your sunglasses
when last I observed you.  And damned fetching they looked too.
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU
Organization: Emory University - Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Tue, 26 Jan 1993 16:21:09 EST
From:         LIBWCA@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: No Subject

On Tue, 26 Jan 1993 14:33:08 CST MW said:
>Cuthbert, I may be a little confused, but I liked your response. Very
>thoughtful, very intuitive. I wouldn't try to cause trouble if I didn't know
>it's just what you all love. Obviously you do! If you were all real, and if I
>was real to you, and we were standing outside on the street, believe me, I
>wouldn't have said a word. But since we are all merely computer screens with
>code names I feel like I can get away with just about anything, so might as
>well let myself go. I haven't said a word for weeks, just listened. The
>extension of the Eskimo story was what got to me. Thank you for supplying the
>name Foss. And on the subject of names, my name is really Melanie, not
>Melaney. The computer people here misspelled it somehow in the system and it's
>never been the same since. And so, please refer to me as Melanie, which is my
>real name, by the way. As for Call Me Surly, I think I'd rather call you
>Squirrely. (Ha!!)

Well, OK then- we'll let you stay.  But you have to do the dishes this
month.

Bill
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Subject: (no subject given)
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Tue, 26 Jan 1993 12:52:00 EST
From:         LIBJRM@EMUVM1.BITNET

MW:

>Don't you people have anything better to do?  You're not even funny.

No, we don't. But what's funny is when clueless dolts (with so many
IMPORTANT things to do) come a'taunting us about not having anything to do.
Now THAT'S funny.

>OK, come on, cuss me out, whatever, you don't scare me.

What raw courage! What bravery! We can only stand in awe of your own bad self.

Thanks for dropping by though; come back some time when you can't stay so long,
whaddya say?
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Date:         Mon, 25 Jan 1993 22:19:53 -0600
From:         Scotto <MOORE7004@ISCSVAX.UNI.EDU>

I GOT NO FUCKING TIME FOR "DAD PISSES ON KID" STORIES, OKAY?  I WANT *REAL*
NONSENSE, ACTUAL GIBBERISH IF YOU PLEASE, BUT FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, CUT IT OUT
WITH THE *CONTENT*, WOULDJA?
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Subject: (no subject given)
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 12:50:17 -0500
From:         "Nick A. Kraft" <NK8287@BROCK1P.BITNET>

This is the most traffic that I've seen on this list for months, and no one
has said anything intellegent.  All I've seen is some princess type complaining
that a supposed "joke" is not funny in any way.

Why should it have to be a joke.  Why not think of it as *gasp* a new way of
thinking.  Think of it, an act that we look on and see as absurdly disgusting
( urinating on someone elses toungue ) saves the life of a child.  I see that
as a worthy end, so the question arises of wether the means was worthy.  Also,
would you rather face death in the frezing cold, or have someone urinate on
your tongue?

Kinda philisophic when you think of it.

*********************** NK8287@ACSPR1.ACS.BROCKPORT.EDU ***********************

                   Reality is What You Can Get Away With -RAW

*******************************************************************************
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 09:33:12 -0500
From:         Brush@YOUR.TEETH.ORG
Subject:      Fnord Quality Introductions Inc.

Thanks, thank you everybody!  You've really been great,
I mean it!

Golly, it's really nice to be back.
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Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 09:40:03 -0500
From:         Honey@I-M.HOME.EDU
Subject:      creeeeeeeeeek...

Honey?
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Organization: Emory University - Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 10:43:14 EST
From:         "Arthur L. Parker" <LIBALP@EMUVM1.BITNET>
Subject:      Re: TIME OUT
              28 Jan 1993 09:36:00 -06 from <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>

On Thu, 28 Jan 1993 09:36:00 -06 Dana Rollins said:
>Time out!
>Hey, my mother's not really dead.
>Melanie sent me a very sweet note privately to apologize and explain
>that she was only playing.  And now I feel like an asshole for going
>that route.
>Apologies all around.
>Sorry.
>I was only playing, too.
>
>Dana
>
>Now, back on with the protective headgear

And just in time, too.  There's nothing so revolting as a sincere Rollins.
If I ever catch you eating crow in public again, I'll set fire to everything
you know -after I get through laughing my face off.

For chrissakes, Rollins, get some moxie.

ap
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Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 14:13:32 EST
From:         General Mills <LIBALP@EMUVM1.BITNET>
Subject:      Re: Reply to Don't NOBODY MOVE, t
              27 Jan 1993 13:12:00 -06 from <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>

On Wed, 27 Jan 1993 13:12:00 -06 Dana Rollins said:
>Holy Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth, that was really Gefuhlloser, don't you
>think?  I mean, the poor Gezierter Kafer might wind up thinking
>we're all a bunch of Dickfelliges Nilpferds, if she doesn't already...

or a bunch of farshimmelt veeblefetzers.

Potrzebie,
gm

P.S. Whiplash!  Yeah!!
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Apparently-To: FNORD-L@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 19:20:49 -0500
From:         Boss@BLACK.ET.ILLUMINATI.GOV
Subject:      Re: Don't Worry

>Rats! Rats & Machines.... They are all in on it... I KNOW!!!

Sigh.  It is a good thing that no-one on the Outside will believe
you fools.  I'm amazed that these operatives were discovered, though.

Cordially,
The Boss.

--
Illuminati.gov - We know you know that we know that you know that
we know that you know that we know that you know that we saw that!
I'm the Boss, I don't need a disclaimer!
                                       Boss@black.illuminati.gov
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Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 23:28:51 -0600
From:         Scotto <MOORE7004@ISCSVAX.UNI.EDU>

>Just sign me,
>"The Butterfly Tends to Think of the Caterpillar As Snackfood"

Sign yourself in the future.  I'm very busy.

"Thus the butterfly has altogether forgotten that it was a caterpillar, perhaps
it can so completely forget in turn that it was a butterfly that it can become
a fish."
 --Kierkegaard

Keep up the good work, Melanie.  Perhaps this list will spontaneously turn into
SavingTheNetThroughKindThoughts-L.  We can only cross our fingers and HOPE.
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 13:28:54 EST
From:         CYNOVY@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: No, don't get up, i'm just gonna grab

>Welcome back, Mr. Firefly.  "I didn't know you was still alive, sir," as they
>say in Pogo and on Stony Brook.
>
Does anyone have the address for Pogo-L?

>As for thoughtcrime, you know those signs that say, "Don't even THINK about
>parking here."  Well, I always make it a point to think about parking there.
>
>gm
>

For those of you attempting to determine what the relationship between
gm and gm is, exactly, this might help:  I make it a point to think
about thinking about parking there.  Except that I don't drive.

Your homework is to write that as a formula and then solve for gm.

gm
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Subject: (no subject given)
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Tue, 26 Jan 1993 11:00:15 EST
From:         CYNOVY@EMUVM1.BITNET

>On Mon, 25 Jan 1993 22:19:53 -0600 Scotto said:
>>I GOT NO FUCKING TIME FOR "DAD PISSES ON KID" STORIES, OKAY?  I WANT *REAL*
>>NONSENSE, ACTUAL GIBBERISH IF YOU PLEASE, BUT FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, CUT IT OUT
>>WITH THE *CONTENT*, WOULDJA?
>
>"Kid Pisses on Dad"?  That's not news!  "Dad Pisses on Kid!"  Now that's news!
>I don't want to see you in this office again until you've got a REAL STORY
>for me, ya bum!  Now get out there and FIND ME SOME DIRT!

And remember the human interest angle, for chrissakes-- remember, the
kid coulda died of exposure instead of hepatitis.  Damm, I hate working
with brownies!
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU
Organization: Emory University - Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 12:52:18 EST
From:         "Arthur L. Parker" <LIBALP@EMUVM1.BITNET>
Subject:      Re: POSTMASTER
              28 Jan 1993 12:50:25 EST from <jacksonp@STUDENT.MSU.EDU>

On Thu, 28 Jan 1993 12:50:25 EST Patrick Thaddeus Jackson said:
>I'm afraid I agree. I've been sitting here on this list for some months now,

I agree you're afraid.

>ocassionally amused, usually annoyed, and entirely unable to leave. I suppose
>it's perpetual - since I never actually came in, I can never get out. So, like
>Winnie-the-Pooh, if I look for the sandpit (join in once in a while), I might
>find my way home (and get off this insane list for others more insane). I have
>seen no new ways of thinking in this space. I have heard no radicalism or
>improvization, and I shudder to think that this may be the future. Or the
>present. Gasp. Welcome to the Pleasuredome.
>

WHY WHY WHY??? do you chumps bother to tell us you want to leave when
1) we don't care since
2) you never posted anything and
3) the only person who can do anything for you is the LISTOWNER who just
   posted his address today.

Curious coincidence: we didn't hear any "new ways" from you either.

So you think this isn't improvised?  You think we carefully planned this
lack of "content"?

Tell us what's on your mind.  Post what you would like to have seen.
You, and all your 2-bit friends.

ap
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 14:38:00 -06
From:         Dana Rollins <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>
Subject:      Reply to Re: Reply to Don't N

*** Original Author: FNORD-L @ BUFFALO - ** Remote User **; 01/27/93 14:28

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>Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 14:13:32 EST
>Reply-To:     New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu>
>Sender:       New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu>
>From:         General Mills <LIBALP%EMUVM1.BITNET@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu>
>Subject:      Re: Reply to Don't NOBODY MOVE, t
>To:           Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L <FNORD-L@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu>
>In-Reply-To:  Message of Wed,
>              27 Jan 1993 13:12:00 -06 from <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>
>
On Wed, 27 Jan 1993 13:12:00 -06 Dana Rollins said:
>Holy Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth, that was really Gefuhlloser, don't you
>think?  I mean, the poor Gezierter Kafer might wind up thinking
>we're all a bunch of Dickfelliges Nilpferds, if she doesn't already...

or a bunch of farshimmelt veeblefetzers.

Potrzebie,
gm

P.S. Whiplash!  Yeah!!

*** Comments from YAR VOLE 01/27/93 02:36pm:
Fahrvennugen.
There.
I've said it.
Misspelled, but so what?  So is that.
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Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Wed, 27 Jan 1993 11:58:13 -0500
From:         Corpulent Lumberjack Snack <LESSER@FAXON.COM>
Subject:      Sorry, Mom...

>>Must we witness your goofy teenage fantasies, Lesser?
>>Stop being such a GUY for chrissakes!

Guy?  Hmmm... Ok.
Goofy, perhaps.  *Guy*, perhaps not.

Try "butch hermaphrodite."  (With a fondness for Bataille.)

I can't even spell mail privilij.
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Organization: Emory University - Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Tue, 26 Jan 1993 11:49:03 EST
From:         LIBWCA@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      SPROCKET ZE DOOTZ?

Im fenster sitz drei herren.
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU
Organization: Emory University - Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 10:23:27 EST
From:         LIBWCA@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: Leisure Vilification
              28 Jan 1993 09:50:28 -0500 from <helene@HLE.SMITHSONIAN.ORG>

On Thu, 28 Jan 1993 09:50:28 -0500 <helene@HLE.SMITHSONIAN.ORG> said:
>I honestly don't understand the central gist of what is happening here on
>this list!  Is this performance art?  How can the real meaning of the
>"metaphorical" messages be apprehended?  I thought this list was supposed
>to be about Doctors Leary and Lilly, Robert Anton Wilson, and others...
>So far I haven't been able to recognize any messages here as being primarily
>about these writers... can someone here explain this to me?
>

Helene, you need to get a secret decoder ring.  See the clerk.
Next?

Bill
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Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 08:32:00 -06
From:         Dana Rollins <ROLLIDE@AUDUCADM.DUC.AUBURN.EDU>
Subject:      Reply to MOP SQUEEZER SEANCE

>
Dana Rollins: I see a sad failure of a man (boy?) who would have liked to have
been someone important, like maybe a morning disk jockey (where his amazing
wit and style could have been forced on thousands) or a basketball coach
(where he could have bawled out insults to skinny boys with white skin) but
instead he works at the local Burger King (nights) and spends his days lolling
around his parents' home, mostly in the basement, where he has his own special
little corner set up. Here against a cold cement wall painted yellow he has
his computer and his splindly little chair, it creaks as he lowers his
ponderous ass onto the seat, it whines as he moves from window to window on
his computer screen. Behind him is a TV, and reruns of Kung Fu (recorded) help
him through the afternoon. Sometimes he switches to reruns of Adam 12. He's
thinking of getting a haircut today but is too lazy to leave the house. It's
too cold out there, he says, and I already HAVE a job, don't I? Besides, all
my fans on Fnord-l are waiting to hear from me, I can't let them down. He rubs
his hands together and looks gleefully at the empty screen. Somebody's going
to get it today. This is going to be a riot, he thinks. Ha ha ha!!! You silly
fools!! You idiots! You maggots and fleas!!! Wait until you hear my latest ---

But wait a minute. Somebody's calling his name. From far away: DAAANAAA!! Oh
DANNAAA!!

He looks up, frowning, back behind him towards the stairs. He tries to ignore
the sound.

DANAA, your lunch is ready!! Come on, honey!!

Ok, Mom, he calls. But will you please leave me alone after that? I have
important business to take care of.(And, to himself, because Mother wouldn't
unde rstand, there's that mop squeezer seance, I have to write that mop
squeezer seance. Brilliant, it's brilliant! Gee, I hope Mom made tuna
sandwiches.)

*** Comments from ROLLIDE - Rollins, Dana; 01/28/93 08:26am:
My mother is dead, you bitch.
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Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Thu, 28 Jan 1993 10:18:08 EST
From:         General Mills <LIBALP@EMUVM1.BITNET>
Subject:      Re: Leisure Vilification
              28 Jan 1993 09:50:28 -0500 from <helene@HLE.SMITHSONIAN.ORG>

On Thu, 28 Jan 1993 09:50:28 -0500 <helene@HLE.SMITHSONIAN.ORG> said:
>I honestly don't understand the central gist of what is happening here on
>this list!  Is this performance art?  How can the real meaning of the
>"metaphorical" messages be apprehended?  I thought this list was supposed
>to be about Doctors Leary and Lilly, Robert Anton Wilson, and others...
>So far I haven't been able to recognize any messages here as being primarily
>about these writers... can someone here explain this to me?

1) There is no central gist, just a vague aesthetic.
2) Performance art: Only if you slap meat against your head while you type.
3) They can't.
4) Sometimes it is; go ahead, but take care not to be a disciple.
   We have all eaten from the Tree of Fear.
5) Well, they weren't PRIMARILY about these writers.  But they were all in my
   head with me the whole time, I swear.

gm
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Organization: Emory University - Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Tue, 26 Jan 1993 14:57:21 EST
From:         LIBWCA@EMUVM1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: No Subject

On Tue, 26 Jan 1993 13:52:18 CST MW said:

[Remarkably energetic and promising Wolverine-about-to-bloom aggreived
 citizen style rant deleted, with regret]


Getting a reaction out of us, my dear Melaney, is dashedly easy.  What's
difficult is getting us out of the reaction.
But I digress.  Your epistle, so full of bilious, unmotivated hatred
and gratuitous insults, very nearly moved me to tears.  I dare say I
would have shed a few, had I not had my tear ducts removed some months
back to avoid the embarrassing incidents which kept occuring every time
Foss announced a new and stunning disease; but I digress.  Young lady,
you show great promise.  There's an element of hyperbole, a certain
magnificence of soul, which is not quite developed in your work; but
that will come with time.  The sheer vitriol, the undirected anger,
the misanthropic energy- that's what's important, and don't let anybody
tell you differently.  Our work is important, Melaney- current social
conventions don't allow much leeway for actual physical carnage, and
that makes it even more vital that each and every one of us work, and
work hard, to perfect and perpetuate the art of verbal carnage.  Insulting
people you don't understand for absolutely no reason is a good start, and
we are willing and apt targets, so keep practicing.  The content is there;
the style will come with time.

Cuthbert

Incidentally, Melaney, you could not find a list, anywhere on the net,
which is less piss-oriented than this one, Arthur's regrettable lapse
notwithstanding.  We are, wholeheartedly and to the very marrow of our
bones, a bone marrow-oriented list.
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Subject: (no subject given)
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
Date:         Tue, 26 Jan 1993 10:10:44 EST
From:         Perry White <LIBALP@EMUVM1.BITNET>
              25 Jan 1993 22:19:53 -0600 from <MOORE7004@ISCSVAX.UNI.EDU>

On Mon, 25 Jan 1993 22:19:53 -0600 Scotto said:
>I GOT NO FUCKING TIME FOR "DAD PISSES ON KID" STORIES, OKAY?  I WANT *REAL*
>NONSENSE, ACTUAL GIBBERISH IF YOU PLEASE, BUT FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, CUT IT OUT
>WITH THE *CONTENT*, WOULDJA?

"Kid Pisses on Dad"?  That's not news!  "Dad Pisses on Kid!"  Now that's news!
I don't want to see you in this office again until you've got a REAL STORY
for me, ya bum!  Now get out there and FIND ME SOME DIRT!
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