From: solitary@vpnet.chi.il.us (Solitarian)
Subject: Re: same old shit
Organization: HAM - Hackers Against MUDs
Distribution: na
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 20:30:20 GMT

And I hope I did this right....
#DEFINE Lurker_Mode Off

>From: rpowers@panix.com (Richard Powers)
>
>There are two people in my life I would term my "best friends".  One of
>them I just got off the phone with.  A rare occurance nowadays.  I,
>of course, called her.  She doesn't call me anymore.  Seems like
>whenever we do talk, if I make a suggestion to do something together, she
>always has some excuse.  She will sometimes say something like "Oh, yeah,
>we'll do something some day."  It always sounds like something that would
>be said by someone who meets an old acquantance by chance, and they say
>"Oh, yeah, yeah, call me." but its just lip service- they have no
>intention of ever getting together.  Just being polite or something.  
 
As I was reading through this, I noticed a distinct similarity to my own
life.  What you described was so similar, I felt I had to de-lurk and
say something.  There are two people in my life I would term my "best
friends", also.  One of those friends lives rather close to me, here.
Now, this is where the similarities are no longer quite as obvious...
 
I had my 'crisis' in Spring '90.  I didn't tell my friends about it,
though.  The following Fall, my friend called me and told me about her
crisis.  She went through the same thing that I did, and you.  Since
then, though, I have only seen her twice.  73 weeks went by before I saw
her.  Since then, 40 weeks passed.  Currently, it has been 10 weeks.  When
we talk on the phone, we try to make plans to get together, but they
always fall apart for some reason or another.
 
>This has been _pissing_ _me_ _off_. 
>
>Why?  Glad you asked.
 
She keeps telling me about how all of her friends are beginning to hate
her, all becuase she doesn't have the time to go out with them.  Or
becuase she has a lousy memory and forgets to call people back.  I
sympathize with her.  I don't hate her, and I try not to let it bother
me.  Sure, I am pissed off, too, but there is not much that can be done
about it.
 
>I am (or I was) in love with her.  Yep.  The old unrequited love
>bullshit.  She knows.  Well, she knows that I wanted to be more than
>friends.  She isn't exactly sensitive about it either.  The day after-
>_the very fucking day after_ my "crisis" I saw her.  Not a word about
>anything.  Thats not all.  She was continually telling me how she found x 
>or y person attractive.  Not in those words, granted.  But at one point
>she was staring past me, and she says:
 
I know what you mean, here, too.  I worked with her for a few summers,
and fell in love with her.  Only she didn't know it.  Since that time,
though, we have had a few talks and we found out some intersting things.
She thought that I hated her, but she liked me.  I thought that she
hated me, but I liked her.  Boy, were we stupid...
 
But since our crisises we have grown a little closer.  Closer in the
wrong direction, of course, but closer.  She has often told me about
other men that she is attracted to and such.  I know it is not exactly
then things that you want to hear...
 
>Ever been so angry it feels like your whole body is slightly vibrating? 
 
Yes.
 
>I would ("*thunk*") hit my head against a wall, but I don't think I'd be
>able to stop.
>
>Happy happy, joy joy.  <*GAG*>
>
>Well, I should go before I start cursing again.
 
I have felt many times like bashing my head into the wall.  I try not
to, though, as I do how hard it is to stop...
 
I suppose that I should actually put some advice in this message,
although I know that it is not usually the best of ideas.  Anyway, my
only advice is to try to see things from _her_ point of view.  Many
people are one sided, even if they do not it.  It is always possible
that she is feeling something inside that is keeping her at arms length.
You could even try asking her what is wrong.  Tell her how her actions
are making you feel.  Etc.
 
Just remember, though.  Only you know the situation so only you can
choose a course of action.
 
Not bad.  After lurking for nearly a full year, and thinking about
posting dozens of times, I finally did.  It kind of feels good, in a
way.  Maybe I will do it again sometime.  Thank you all for the time to
ramble and if anyone read this, I hope that it may help someone.
 
Solitarian.