From: stcroix@ultra.com (Bill St. Croix)
Subject: Re: LOVE sucks. No question about it.
Reply-To: stcroix@ultra.com (Bill St. Croix)
Organization: Ultra Network Technologies
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 92 17:40:21 GMT

In article <1992Apr6.223235.1@pomona.claremont.edu> greg@pomona.claremont.edu (Tigger) writes:
>
>No, you don't.  But if I hadn't been in love, or open to the
>possibility, none of these women could have stabbed me in the back,
>or ripped my insides out, or whatever metaphor you choose.  Only
>in love does one become that vulnerable.  Therefore love does
>indirectly cause the pain.  Without it, there would be no pain, at
>least from that source.

Whenever you open yourself up for anything, you risk being hurt.  When you
have a job interview, you are very vunerable.  They could ask you a question
and you not know the answer of have a *good* answer.  But do you stop looking
for a job???  From the time I graduated until 4 months ago, I had sent out
250 resumes and had 20 or so interviews...and only one led to a job.  Did
I give up??  NO!  That was a long two years, but I didn't give up.

You have to remember too, if it weren't for pain, how would we ever
know pleasure???

>And it is especially hard to learn from others' experience when
>one's own experience is so strong and opposite.

And when you have such a negative view about something, it is impossible
to be rational about it.  It seems that you fear even allowing yourself
to *hear* that some people are happy with a woman.  Is it that unthinkable
to you that a man and woman can be happy together??

>That part I'm very glad about.  But it still doesn't mean I'm
>going to jump into another relationship with someone like the
>women in my past.

With an attitude of "Love Sucks", I doubt that you'll find a woman that
would want to be with you.  I'm not try to sound mean or cruel, but you
need to love yourself, before you can love someone else.  Otherwise you
will be living a life full of self fulfilling prophecies.

You need to let go of those past people and realize that you learned
a great deal about what you want from the next person that comes into your
life.  As long as you keep making constant comparisions (some comparisions
are bound to come up), you aren't going to get anywhere.  Noone likes
to be compared to someone else, especially on a romantic level.  It would
be like your SO telling you that of all the lovers s/he had, you were in
the middle range...it would be embarrassing and it would be hard to face
that person again.

>I'm not sure I believe in love and romance anymore.  I'm not sure
>I wasn't just fooling myself.  So what's there to be unsuccessful
>in?  As for the rest of life in general, I suppose that depends on
>one's ability to compartmentalize things.

Well, until you get rid of that negative thinking, you will continue to
fail at love.  I guess you might as well join a monastery or something.

I used to have an attitude like Greg's.  I got shit on pretty heavily, but
I decided to put my new found *knowledge* to work for me.  I was able to
find someone who had the same values as I do and will treat me the same as
I treat her.  In 11 days, she will be my wife!

	Bill

---
I don't believe in the stars or the planets or angels watching from
above, but I believe there's a Ghost of a Chance, we can find someone to
love and make it last...
Xref: sparky alt.romance:7017 soc.singles:11147 soc.couples:2088