HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: werner@dewey.soe.berkeley.edu (John Werner)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Help!
Date: 19 Dec 1992 19:46:52 GMT
Organization: School of Education, U.C. Berkeley
NNTP-Posting-Host: dewey.soe.berkeley.edu

In article <1992Dec18.014853.26159@penet.fi> an1762@anon.penet.fi (Peaceful Warrior) writes:
>My therapist has left town for three weeks for the Christmas
>holiday. I'm feeling really horrible and scared and panicked
>about that and was wondering what things other people do to
>cope in this situation.

Mine just left for three weeks too (you wouldn't happen to be from
Berkeley, would you? :-).  It's going to be tough, especially since I
don't really have many friends or any other support.  I'm worried that
I'll get depressed and upset and not be able to get out of it until
she gets back.  One thing I've done is plan some things to do with
other people (visiting my sister, having a co-worker over for dinner).
If I get in a rut, maybe one of these will help me get out of it.

I think I'm more worried about the opposite happening, though.  It
feels like I've been starting to get somewhere in therapy in the last
month or so, and I'm afraid that all my emotions will shut down again
to cope while my therapist is gone.  I sort of want to stay a bit sad
and "in the middle of it", but not too much.  I'm not sure how to do
this, though.

-- 
John Werner                        werner@soe.berkeley.edu
UC Berkeley School of Education    510-642-9651
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Denial of other abuse forms
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 07:45:34 GMT

I posted this without attribution because I know this is also an issue
for me, and I presume others.  I follow my "response" with a more
general set of questions about acknowledging other forms of abuse.

>because my household was not a violent, physically abusive one.
>(I honestly don't count a couple of whippings and spankings. That's
                           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>milder than mild compared to what some people have to go through.

This very much sounds like both denial & minimization to me. 
Maybe a discussion can be held about spankings, but not whippings.
That was physical abuse.

Yes, other folks have unfortunately suffered worse.  But would any of
us say someone wasn't sexually abused because they only got raped a
couple of times?  Thought not.


*** General Thoughts/Questions ***

I admit to having gotten hung up on this point myself and I'm still
not sure why.  Part of it was that I wanted (and want) so much to
finally know the "full extent" of my abuse (even though that probably
isn't possible).  I always resist admitting that something *else* was
wrong with my childhood, too.

I think that's because, each time I uncover something else, I feel
that it will be that much longer until I can pass for a "normie".
That's a painful belief.  (And of dubious validity.)

And, at some level, I don't know if it matters.  If I end up dealing
with all the major "crossed wires" I have via working on my sexual
abuse issues, does it really matter if there were other forms of
abuse?

For example, I don't know of anyone who endured familial sexual abuse
who didn't also endure emotional abuse.  Other folks soley experienced
emotional abuse.  Does my emotional abuse stuff need to get worked on
seperately?
-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner)
Subject: Re: starting to date
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 21:23:22 GMT
Reply-To: dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
Organization: HP California Design Center, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL7]

Melissa,

In my experience, there are two parts to "taking it slow."  The one
that comes first can often look like not doing anything, because what
I'm working on is behind the scenes stuff.

First I have to deal with the issues causing the fear -- figuring out
what makes me afraid, and what I want to do about that. When I'm doing
this it often seems like I'm making no progress, because I still do
the same things.

Eventually though there does come a time when I need to gather my
courage and try something.  I guess I can't help you figure out which
part you're on, but if no matter how hard you try you find you just
can't do it, perhaps you still have some more work to do in the first
part.

Courage, and hang in there.  It's worth it -- I finally broke enough
to date at about 30, but at times I still have to be gentle with my
own inabilities when it comes to being close to someone.


Doug Sojourner

dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
anon-1158@twwells.com
an651@anon.penet.fi
From: agape@igc.apc.org (Jean Riseman)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Subjects to be discussed
Date: 20 Dec 92 00:15:00 GMT
Nf-ID: #R:1992Dec19.065128.5412@u.washingt:945843345:cdp:1519600009:000:276
Nf-From: cdp.UUCP!agape    Dec 19 16:15:00 1992


Hi Szanne:
In my book, sexual abuse doesn't have to be incest\and can occur
to adults as well as children. I think that incest is child
rape (not by a stranger). I don't know what others think, but
I think you should feel part of the conference if its helpful
to you. Jeannie
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Denial of other abuse forms
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 16:03:26 GMT

Hal Wine (hal@netcom.com) wrote:

: >because my household was not a violent, physically abusive one.
: >(I honestly don't count a couple of whippings and spankings. That's
:                            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
: >milder than mild compared to what some people have to go through.
: 
: This very much sounds like both denial & minimization to me. 
: Maybe a discussion can be held about spankings, but not whippings.
: That was physical abuse.

Hmmm...I never thought of it that way.  I clearly remember times in my
childhood when *I* was whipped with a leather belt - one such time was for
putting a dime in a penny gum machine.
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

Who and what would you be if you went beyond your deepest fears?
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: ftlao@acad3.alaska.edu (OSSANDER LINDA A)
Subject: Re: none
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41.UAC
Organization: University of Alaska - Fairbanks
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 00:52:00 GMT

In article <Bz5zMF.EIE@twwells.com>, anon-1470@twwells.com (Cujo) writes...
> 
>	I would  like to apologize for my last post which did not make very 
>much sense but I usually don't make very  much sense when I am upset......
>Next time I post I'll try to be more rational.
> 
>Peace & Strength
> 
>Cujo
> 

Hi Cujo,

It is okay Cujo,
Sometimes non of us makes sense.  As for your abuse..ANYONE who was abused
should not think their abuse is less important than the next person!  We all
hurt at times and going back to family (especially if the family was the
abusers)  can be damn painful.

I remember the first time I went home (where my parents were) after I started
remembering my childhood.  Take it at your own pace and don't let anyone tell
you how fast or slow to do it.  My ex-husband insisted we go visit my parents
cause I hadn't seen them in about 5 years.  I was scared to death but finially
gave in and went.  It was pretty bad because I was terrified of my dad at that
time. As was my daughters as I warned them about their grandfather.

Anyway that is my story and I am not in the mood to go into it right now. 
Needless to say I am no longer scared of my dad so sometimes facing your worst
feelings can help.

Have a great Christmas if you celebrate it! If not have a great day anyway!

                         -Linda-

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Late night talking
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 16:45:49 GMT

Riptide (anon-1337@twwells.com) wrote:

: Kind of a reliving thing.  I remember feeling like 
: I would be strong if I could cut myself.  That inner
: strength stemmed from being able to surmount my fear of 
: pain.  (I didn't end up cutting myself, and I am not

Thank you for the clear insight into cutting.  I have never been able to
understand cutting, or why one would do it - this gives me a bit more
insight.  Thanks!
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

Who and what would you be if you went beyond your deepest fears?
From: anon-1296@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: none
Date: 17 Dec 92 00:23:11 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


Goodbye
Later
Jasmyne

**************************************************************          
                                                                        
                                              Lady Jasmyne of the Order
of St.Germain...Mistress of the Night

Jasmyne (aka Michele Zugschwerdt)       Jasmyne+@CMU.EDU
		                            Jasmyne @dungeon.pc.cc.cmu.edu            
          					anon-1296@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
                                                                        
       mz0w@andrew.cmu.edu

Thy memory be as a dwelling-place,
For all sweet sounds and harmonies; oh! then,
If solitude, or fear, or pain, or grief,
Should be thy portion, with what healing thoughts
Of tender joy wilt thou remember me,
And these my exhortations!            ---Wordsworth (July 1798)



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From: anon.95@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Hello
Date: 21 Dec 1992 06:33:14 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.95@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


Well, it's taken me over three weeks, but I think I can finally post here.
I'll tell you, it's been brutal. I began feeling a major need/desire to post
here just as the flame war broke out, and decided as a result to stay on the
sidelines. Then when things really got bad personally, I decided to post
anyway, but I didn't trust the US anon server and the Finnish server took three
or four days to post exactly one out of the five tests I sent. I am thrilled
to discover that the Australia anon server posted the test message I sent in
under 30 minutes. A big *thank you* to those in charge there!

Well, where do I start? I think I'll leave my personal history to a post in the
near future. I've had a lot of suicidal thoughts in the past month, and a lot
of the time when I wasn't suicidal I was very anxious. I didn't feel safe
telling my counselor about this until after I was feeling better. Fortunately,
I do have a good friend I can share with (who's also a trained lay counselor),
but she hasn't been well lately and it's also a long distance phone call.
It was these feelings that led me to decide I needed more of a support
network than I had currently.

A lot of crazy and not-so-crazy-but-still-very-stressful things have
happened recently. I have a lot of pent up need to talk, so you may see
me sharing a lot in the next few days. I've not been at my best. Last night,
I spent the evening with a friend and shared much more than I should have,
including how suicidal, etc. I've felt recently. I feel very badly and think
I've driven this friend away, but part of me also recognizes that I was asking
for help.

I'm doing better now. You know, this is a neat place. In many places, you can
lose friends by sharing secrets. Here, you can gain friends by sharing 8-) .
At least, I hope so.

TJ
anon95 (Australia)


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: taylor@hardy.u.washington.edu (Allen D. Taylor)
Subject: Re: Alaska & Enigma
Organization: University of Washington, Seattle
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 17:53:05 GMT


In article <BzAABM.5Fq@twwells.com> you write:
>
>                   ......and Alaska, real nice post about
>Enigma.  I nominate you for asshole of the month award.....
           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

So, what makes you differant than Alaska?  You have now called someone,
who poured their heart and feelings out, a judgemental negative name.
I know that _I_ don't call that support.  To support people on this group
does not mean that I must agree or even condone what they say or how they say 
it.  But I must let them honor their feelings.  I have been known to offer how
I handle some situations.  But I do not believe in telling people how to
behave or not behave. 

To carry this point a little further, I do not intend any judgement of you
for your post.  _I_ would not have made the comment.  However, I am not you
and I do not know what is in your mind.  Therefore, I would never suggest
that you not say what you did.  I only know that if I see something like
that in a post of mine, I would have to take a serious look at why I felt
compelled to make it.


Allen

We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake,
   not by mechanical aids,
but by an infinite expectation of the dawn,

which does not forsake us
   even in our soundest sleep . . .
                                            --Henry David Thoreau
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Allen D. Taylor      University of Washington   taylor@cac.washington.edu
Information Systems  Seattle, Washington  USA   Human 1st - World Citizen 2nd
=============================================================================

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU
Subject: What am I doing wrong?
Organization: UNC Charlotte
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 17:08:12 GMT

 
What am I doing wrong? It seems like, lately, every time I try to reach out
to somebody, it goes wrong. I don't have anyone to go out with: every time I
ask someone out, he already has a girlfriend. I have "buddy" friends, but I
would like to have a love life again one of these days.
 
I've just made another person uncomfortable by bugging him. I didn't mean to.
 
People tell me this crap about how supposedly if you look nice and act friendly
someone will want to be your friend. But it isn't always true. I just want to
have someone to care about me as more than a "buddy." He doesn't have to want
a serious relationship, or to want to get married or anything. I just want
someone to care about me and want to talk with me and do things together.
 
Its not that I don't know how to make friends; I have friends. I just don't
have a boyfriend.
 
I just don't understand why people who act like absolute jerks have relation-
ships while I sit at home by myself. A man who acted like he liked me (when I
first met him) instead became involved with a woman who I described as "no
personality and no boobs." [I know this sounds incredibly catty--it is--but,
that's the way I feel right now]
 
Erin
 
p.s. I wish I'd stop crying; it gets really embarrassing sometimes...especially
in Walmart.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Re: Stuffings
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 07:09:08 GMT

In article <krikket.04jz@meltdown.chi.il.us> krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick) writes:
>But I'm also beginning to lock-up.  I'm having to force myself to respond to
>some people.  Things are just becomming harder to write down..
I can only speak for myself, and how I would react, but I think it's
really okay *not* to respond unless you really want to.  "Force" has
such a bad feel to it.

I know that I "lock-up" when I get "too much" support.  I can only
take things at my own pace.

Gee, since you're a sys admin, can you use "at" to resend the "extra"
support messages to yourself sometime in the future?  That'd be cool
for the more empty days <grin>!

-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
From: blackbourner@bvc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: I feel unloveable UPDATE
Date: 12 Dec 92 17:59:52 CST
Organization: Buena Vista College, Storm Lake, IA

	A while ago I posted about thinking a guy liked me but he was with 
another girl. I said  that I felt stupid because I thought I'd misread his 
signals when I  thought he liked me. Well, it turns out he did like me. I 
found out from a close friend of both of us that he did like me, but didn't 
know  what he wanted.
	So, 1.he did like me and I'm not stupid because I read his  signals 
              right.  good for me
            2.he chose  this other girl. bad for me.

New developement in my life:  I now have a close friend who's a man with 
whom I communicate over the computer, mail, and telephone. We really like 
each other, but we can't be more for now because we live far apart. 
<SIGH>

Erin Sue

***************************************************************************
Erin Sue Blackbourn          *  "Normal must be in the eye of the beholder."
Buena Vista College, Box 2007*			--- Whoopi Goldberg	 
610 W. 4th St.               *
Storm Lake, Iowa 50588	     *  "I'm not handicapped, I'm drunk!" 
anon-1451@twwells.com        *			--- Geri Jewell
***************************************************************************
From: anon-1394@twwells.com (darkangel)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: [BOB]
Date: 18 Dec 92 16:14:35 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

i'm sorry


***hugs***
if you will take them
darkangel



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (Alaska)
Subject: Sorry about that...
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 08:06:15 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Ugh, I just read my post as it appeared in asar and it sounds so
disconnected and depressing. I don't want to scare anyone, so I
just wanted to reassure those who care that I'm ok. I'm still 
not real, but I'm ok :-).

  ________
  |alaska|    US: anon-1280   Finland: an881   Australia: anon.34

                     Look ma, I'm a regular jet setter



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: ftlao@acad3.alaska.edu (OSSANDER LINDA A)
Subject: Re: A discovery by [BOB] (Please respond)
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41.UAC
Organization: University of Alaska - Fairbanks
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 23:22:00 GMT

In article <1992Dec9.122930.50005@ccvax.ucd.ie>, h234_035@ccvax.ucd.ie writes.
>I think it was my father.
>I'll address this to my abuser, whoever that may be.
> 
>I HATE YOU.
>YOU AFFECTED ME SO MUCH THAT I DONT WANT TO LIVE.
>DAMN YOU.
>I DONT DESERVE THIS.
>DAMN IT WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY DID YOU HURT ME?
>WHO ARE YOU?
>SHOW YOURSELF...LET ME SEE YOUR FACE
> 
>Sorry about that folks, I needed to let off steam.

Please Bob,
Don't be sorry those are very REAL FEELINGS..It is understandilble that you
feel hate and anger. Part of the healing process as long as you don't let those
feelings rule your life forever like some people have.  

As for the why, I think all of us wonder why but I have never really found an
answer to that and I have been working on my own healing for over 10 years now.
I have come to the conclusion that even the molester really does not understand
why.  I am NOT giving him or her an excuse here believe me.  I am just telling
you what I have seen. 
> 


>Please, please, please reply to this. I dont even know if what I say is
>reaching you.
> 

It is reaching us loud and clear and I wish you well in your healing.  *HUGS*
if you can accept then if not pass them on.

> 
>[BOB]


                            -Linda-

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields)
Subject: Re: asshole
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 17:01:14 GMT

If you want to discuss the asshole of the month, please take that to
sci.sigmoidascopy.rectal or rec.clubs.monthly.
Thanks.

Matt
From: anon-1337@twwells.com (Riptide)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: tired/ill
Date: 11 Dec 92 23:53:31 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes



     Hi everyone.  I feel like i have been totally
avoiding all emotional issues for the last little while.
It took a lot out of me when i posted about my spider and 
my dad (and i hope brandywine is okay, and her nightmares
have calmed down).  So the last couple posts here have been 
pretty intellectual.

     I recede into my mind when i get scared of my emotions.

     So i turned them off and i just talked. Talked 
about the weather, talked about the fire.  I just 
intellectualized everything.  And i got worse and 
worse.  Now i can't even eat or sleep properly.

     Now i'm sick.  i guess my body gets tired of 
being ignored so it retaliates.  I put so much
energy into fighting myself (body,mind,emotions)
i barely have anything left over.

     Well, that is that.  I have to leave for a 
while, because my computer is being disconnected
and i'm awful busy.  But i'd like to use e-mail for
the next week or so.  if anyone wants to 
know, i'm anon-1337@twwells.com, an1427@anon.penet.fi
and jopa@ac.dal.ca .

     I guess i just feel tired, and i'd like 
some reassurance that i'm not a useless person.
because i feel like if i can't even look after 
myself, i'm not worth being looked after.

     Riptide.



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