From: anon-1016@twwells.com (Prisoner)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: I can't post about me but....
Date: 3 Oct 92 04:44:18 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Susan N. Dunbar writes:
: In article <BvGzJ3.318@twwells.com> anon-1016@twwells.com (Prisoner) writes:
:
: >I can't post about me but I can post about the latest verbal
: >violence. Maybe if I post on things relatively neutral I'll get
: >back to my own stuff....
:
: and pray tell why can you not post about your own stuff ... you can be
: anonymous as you have so often told us?  I am confused by your
: comments!

How to answer. In a nutshell: I can't post about my stuff because
I am *not* anonymous, even though I still use my anonymous id and
name. Beyond that, I won't say anything because I would only be
being bitter and angry towards some members of this group and I
don't know any acceptable way to express that.

I suppose I could post under a different id and name but why
bother? Who's to say that the same sort of thing won't happen
again? And besides, I'm sufficiently unique that to talk about
the things that matter to me would identify me before too long.

So, why does not being anonymous stop me? In a word, shame.

And that, folks, is where I must stop.

: >Anyone who has been here for anything over six months is probably
: >aware that the quality of communications on asar has been
: >gradually degrading and that the periods of calm and support have
: >become less the norm.
:
: each to his own perception here I do believe ... I have found a great
: deal to support me and to help me realize how safe a place this really
: is ...yes even the flames are comforting ... they show me that others
: loose their tempers ... have their buttons pushed ... by different
: things as well as I do.

Actually, your perception doesn't contradict my observation. For
you, even the flames are valuable. That isn't true for everyone.
And the support hasn't gone away, it has just been mixed with a
lot of trash.

There are objective standards for quality of communication. For
example, when discussions aren't carried out with some degree of
mutual respect, there really is something wrong, and that,
unfortunately, is at the root of much of the problem here.

: >Here are four things to do when posting if you really want to help
: >things improve. (There are more but these are the ones that come
: >to mind right now.)
: >
: I  find your including a list of do's and don't to be just the sort of
: messages that none of us who are trying to heal really need to have
: thrown at us in the manner that was used ...

I'm sorry if you didn't find them helpful. However, in the spirit
of my little list, I'd like to say how I feel about what you just
wrote. When I wrote my message, I wanted to offer concrete advice,
without flaming anyone, on how one might improve the atmosphere
here. Now, I don't really know how you took them, but I don't
think you took them the way I hoped you would. I'm not especially
happy about that.

But what is really upsetting about your response is that it says,
to me, that in some undefined way, I have done something wrong. I
read you to say that I have done something I shouldn't but I
don't know *what*. That bothers me because it pushes my "you are,
in yourself, wrong (bad)" button.

: More than anything else I need to know, in a safe environment, what
: others percieve my words to mean ...

Yes, that is absolutely what we have to have. One of the things
that has been going wrong with this newsgroup has that there have
been lots of misunderstandings and misperceptions but not an
adequate amount of effort to clear them up.

That's another thing that has stopped me from posting -- that I
feel that no matter what I write, I won't be seen -- that what
people will see of me is more a product of where they're at than
where I'm at. I *hate* being invisible.

: >Prisoner
: >
: So why do you consider yourself a prisoner ...

I've locked myself up inside myself for so long I don't know any
other way to be -- and every time I try to get out, something
disastrous and painful happens.

:                                                does not everyone who
: has been reading this newsgroup for the last few months know who you
: are?

****SPOILER****ANGER*****

Yes, goddamit to hell, they do. And if they don't would you people
please do me the favor of not enlightening them? I *need* a
distance between myself and what I write.

**end spoiler**

: Also why do you post annonymously?  This does confuse me !
:
: I know that many do post annonymously, as I have and still do at
: times, but could you let me know what your personal reasons are for
: posting annonymously?

I wish I could. I can't right now, though. I'll try later.


Prisoner



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