HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: SimLiterature
Date: 30 Dec 1992 18:33:18 GMT
Organization: finchhaus
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: helen.oit.itd.umich.edu

In article <larne.050e@canetoad.UUCP> larne@canetoad.UUCP (Larne Pekowsky) writes:
>In article <u627gug@zola.esd.sgi.com> cj@eno.esd.sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
>>Loot:	SimLife  (Lance)
>
>This was my present to me this year.  Needless to say, the first organism
>I thought of designing was a cave newt (% female: .01).
>
>Then I thought of expanding it to a whole talk.bizarre world, which will
>probably be my first big creation once I have time to really sit down
>with this thing.
[plans deleted]

i thought of chanting 'do it, do it, do it,' but then thought,
'although larne has a wonderful idea and certainly is intelligent
and creative and all, and his story would certainly be worth
reading, would it be a bad thing if he then spawns a new genre of 
literature, based on people transcribing the sagas of their own 
little SimCreations?  all the dungeons and dragons tales of a few 
years back got tiresome really quickly (in that case, about 1/3 
through the first story).'

AjD
still and all,
'do it, do it, do it'
-- 
                       ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu
"You'll never find happiness as a human being, kid." -- Suehiro Maruo
From: rhamilt@husc10.harvard.edu (Rowan Hamilton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: what i want for xmas
Date: 25 Dec 92 15:36:55 GMT

rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly) writes:

>In article <P6X=NM#@engin.umich.edu> ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) writes:
>>I don't want anything for Christmas.  I've got everything I need
>>right here.
>>
>>I've got a pint of Cuervo, Fear's "Fuck Christmas" cued up on my
>>turntable, a videocassette of "Bad Girls From Mars" in my VCR, and a
>>brick of Black Cat firecrackers.
>>
>>Here I go a-wassailing.

>Wrong.  You need another pint of Cuervo and an ounce of Panama's best.

Panama?!? With Cuervo? Gawd, what a Philistine.

Any true Loady knows that only Oaxacan goes with Cuervo.

(Or maybe Humboldt. But with the recession and all we all need to tighten
our belts a bit.)

Merry Thang and Happy Whatever. You Fuck.
-- 
Rowan T. Hamilton                         "To dig this is to groove on
hamilton@huhepl.harvard.edu                   hella shit."
hamilton@fnald.fnal.gov                   - casey@wackenhut.com
From: john@csrnxt1.ae.utexas.edu (John R. Schutz)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: My Good Deed
Date: 31 Dec 92 16:25:35 GMT

cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton) writes:

>4) My doppelganger did it; naturally he would have the same handwriting

This is the second, and last, time I wish to hear or see the word
doppelganger.

The first was on an episode of The Fall Guy.

It's the one where this drug lord is trying to frame this guy who
looks EXACTLY LIKE HIM, but is of no relation.

That's when Howie says, "Gee, Colt...haven't you ever heard of the
Doppelganger theory?"

That's also when I knew that I looked great in an ass-hugging leather
miniskirt.
--
John R. Schutz - 3009 Hatley Dr. - Austin, TX  78746 - (512)328-0587
From: rdc30@nmrdc1.nmrdc.nnmc.navy.mil (LCDR Michael E. Dobson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: I hate the Mac
Date: 23 Dec 92 14:13:45 GMT
Organization: Naval Medical Research & Development Command

In article <tubs0kc@zola.esd.sgi.com> cj@sgi.com writes:
>
>In article <1992Dec21.235636.19915@vpnet.chi.il.us>, orc@vpnet.chi.il.us writes:
[nice flame of Mac's deleted]
>
>Your mistake here is in blaming the Mac instead of the idiots
>you work with.  Can you *imagine* these people trying to use a
>Unix machine?  They have trouble understanding the visual folder
>hierarchy.  Are they going to grasp Unix directories?  They
>can't use MSMail.  Are they going to cope with /usr/bin/mail?
>The Finder mystifies them.  Are they going to be power csh
>users?
>
>The Macintosh allows people who would otherwise never touch
>a computer to use a computer to do actual work.  It doesn't
>change the people.
>
>You should conclude, therefore, that you hate people.  Ordinary
>people.  People who aren't nerdy weenies like you & me.
>
But cj, I just had salesdroid slobber all over the table in a presentation
about how the X-Windows manager on the HP-9000s could be customised to look
and feel like a Mac!!  I think at least one of the wm's for the SGI boxes
can be so adulterated as well.  Looks like the poster who claimed it was a
plot of the aliens was right.  I mean wasn't Apple trying to sue HP over
New Wave?  EEYuch!  a MacInslosh GUI on every platform.

Mike 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton)
Subject: Furniture
Organization: t.b, t.p.d, & a.d
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Fri, 1 Jan 1993 03:20:21 GMT

Going by furniture, my wife and I are now yuppies, not hippies.

We bought a bed this fall -- a beautiful Finnish-made beechwood queen-
sized platform bed.  It was the first bed that either Karen or I has 
ever owned.  For the last 12 years that we have lived together, and all 
the time we were living on our own, both of us used to get by with a 
mattress or foam futon on the floor.

When we were shopping for the bed, I looked at all the models to see if 
they had bedposts, or a convenient place to screw eyebolts in for the 
attachment of ropes.  Karen told one of the salesmen that was what I was 
checking.  He was very embarassed.  His wife turned bright red.  I was 
only slightly embarassed.  The bed we finally bought does not in fact 
have any such convenient points.  I'm in no hurry, as for me it's more 
of an idle fantasy than a psychological necessity.

Now we own real furniture.  The bed was just the start.  We ordered a 
Finnish sofa and chair in black leather and beechwood, which were 
delivered right before Xmas.  They are beautiful and comfortable.  The 
chair is springy from its laminated wood frame.  They look airy enough 
that they do not crowd our incredibly tiny apartment.  Only after we 
selected them did I realize that I had carefully picked furniture which 
matched in style the "Scandinavian Moderne" furniture my parents had 
bought when I was 6 or 7.

The buy I was happiest about, though, was the teak table.  While 
visiting furniture stores, we stopped in at one which was on clearance 
because the store was moving.  They were selling the used dining table 
from their employee lunchroom; we got a big, slightly scuffed and worn 
table with extension leaves, mostly solid teak, for $99.  My thrift-
store instincts and values are still alive.

But I fear I am a yuppie, nonetheless, just in time for it to be 
completely out of fashion.  Life goes easier countercyclically.

  -- Clifton

--
cliftonr@netcom.com     Home: +1 808 521 9073  Work: +1 808 625 3234
Clifton Royston, Pope of the Church of the Subgenius in Paradise
"Some lives are like that." - Mark. Gooley
From: dac@prolix.apana.org.au (Andrew Clayton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: SimLife (:eR)
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1992 02:05:06 GMT
Organization: More like Dis~, really.
X-Newsreader: Arn V1.00

In article <u63l3dc@zola.esd.sgi.com>, C J Silverio writes:

> Highly recommended.  Not copy-protected, so give Maxis the
> bucks and get the manual.  Support software makers who don't
> copy-protect!

I got SimEarth for myself. It's pretty well boring as all hell.

Even lobbing meteorites at people is boring.

I might play with it after I finish reading today's offering of
news. 

{ by 'it' I mean SimEarth, and not genitals }

SimLife==Misfile.

I won at scrabble last night because I put down 'dezone' with a
triple word bonus. Even though it wasn't in the dictionary, the
rules of etymology state that I'm allowed to have the word. I
disallowed my partners play of 'Haiku' because it's Japanese, and
not in here dictionary.  I just checked my dictionary, and Haiku
is there.

Tough.

I still won by over 50 points.

Dac
--
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pjm@isis.cshl.org (Pat Monardo)
Subject: Re: finals are over
Organization: Cold Spring Harbor Labs
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 18:11:53 GMT

In article <63009@mimsy.umd.edu> kimy@cs.umd.edu (Yong-Mi Kim) writes:
>
>I never liked Donahue much - too much like what a Usenet Nice Guy would
>be like, I think.  Jerry Springer doesn't seem to be able to keep the
>guests and audience in control.  Besides, he doesn't have any distinguishing
>characteristics.  I have to declare that in that time slot, Maury Povich is
>the best: best dressed, best attitude, best phony sincerity.
>
>Sally Jesse Raphael and Oprah Winfrey?  Nah, give me Montel Williams any
>day.  Too bad they don't show him in this area, even though they do have
>Jenny Jones.

when the new 500 channel cable system is operating, we will have
talk.bizarre.live, a half-hour live talk.bizarre call-in show.
wow, i am having nightmares already.
-- 
-- Pat Monardo
-- pjm@cshl.org
From: stix@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: 6 digit numbers are silly
Summary: summarize this
Keywords: lick me
Date: 28 Dec 92 09:04:20 GMT
Organization: The University of Texas at Austin


	If I can't count to the current message number in binary
over a period of 20 years, I don't think it should exist.
Let's pretend we're still on message number 1.  That should clear
my sinuses.
	 


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: graeme@fulcrum.co.uk (Graeme Hodgson)
Subject: Dream interpretation
Summary: Male vocalists take over my mind.
Keywords: tom jones really does wear a posing pouch
Organization: Fulcrum Communications
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 16:47:51 GMT

Last night I had the weirdest dream.

The church was painted white and someone had fitted foggy contact
lenses to my eye-balls.  Reality had a fuzzy edge to it.  The doors of
the church were large oaken affairs with small black iron rings in the
centre.  I burst into the church to find all my family sat in the pews
on my right, nobody occupied the pews to my left.  I was in my
underpants.  At the end of the aisle stood my girlfriend (which is in
itself pretty amazing since she doesn't, currently, exist) in a
beautiful ivory silk wedding dress.  I was impressed, I hadn't
realised she was so beautiful.  Next to her stood a tall man bearing
an uncanny resemblance to Tom Jones, he was wearing a posing pouch.

Could this have anything to do with watching Aliens on the TV, whilst
eating a cheese sandwich, before going to bed?

--
Hodj
Email to graeme@fulcrum.co.uk     |        <witty quote pending>
 - whenever the mood takes you.   |
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cj@eno.esd.sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Subject: groan
Reply-To: cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Organization: SGI TechPubs
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 92 22:15:19 GMT

---
My weekend was just as bad as my week was.

I rented Marble Madness for the Sega Genesis, and it
sucks.  I rented Road Rash, and it was pretty good.

We bought a present for one of Lance's nephews.  We
were going to buy SimCity, but we bought SimAnt instead.
Little boys and bugs.  "If they had a SimBooger," said
Lance, "we would buy *that* instead."

I dumped my bike.  Now the right front turn signal is a 
little cockeyed.  It matches the left front turn signal,
which got bent when Lance dumped it.  Lance dumped his 
own bike.   Lance's mechanic fixed his rear brakes but 
not his front brakes.  A motorcycle's front brakes provide
~3/4 of its stopping power.

My mother finally wrote me a letter, but it got rained on
& partially eaten by the snails which have infested our
mailbox.

---
c j grumpy
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: John Austin <jea1@cornell.edu>
Subject: Re: Hallooooooo, Everybody!
X-Xxdate: Tue, 22 Dec 92 13: 20:40 GMT
Nntp-Posting-User: jea1@cornell.edu
Organization: Boyce Thompson Institute
X-Useragent: Nuntius v1.1.1d16
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 13:14:19 GMT

In article <1992Dec22.012823.19283@netcom.com> Pope Clifton,
cliftonr@netcom.com writes:
>  Not so loud, damn it.  You nearly split my eardrums.

Sorry about that.  At least I refrained from using the evil CAPS KEY!!!!!!

Yesterday was very frustrating.  I'm heading off to the wilds of Ohio real
soon now, and Mom has yet to get a modem.  (Let alone a computer)  So, we're
talking imminent serious t.b withdrawal.  So, I muddle through yesterday
morning's offererings (a tad sparse, but that's to be expected this time of
year),and go off and do some work for a change.  When next I check, there is
*NOTHING* new in any of the groups I had just read.  So, I try the first cry
for help, which does show up in t.b, all by its lonesome.  The next one didn't
even show up.

So, I call the support people here and make the mistake of saying
"Talk.bizarre" when asked what froup was I having trouble with.  Have you ever
tried to explain just why you *need* to read this group?  It wasn't pretty. 
They thought everything was fine, and were going to look into it anyway.

This morning, things are almost back to normal.  The feed seems slow, but
functional.

Whew.  A two-day reprieve.

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .
John Austin (jea1@cornell.edu)                                                 
Grafix 
Boyce Thompson Institute for Plant Research                                    
2473562236the incredible shrinking .sig691
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mlegare@wetware.com (Dr. Robert (BoB) Tech)
Subject: the TRUTH of new years
Organization: The Flying Killfile Ranch
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1993 01:30:36 GMT

realizing it's 3 am and THEN getting tired


-- 
if one falls on you,
we just carve your name on it
and leave it there...
mlegare@wetware.com
From: ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: A quote looking for a context
Date: 2 Jan 1993 07:59:20 GMT
Organization: finchhaus
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: helen.oit.itd.umich.edu


"He read my mail and left."


AjD
-- 
                       ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu
"You'll never find happiness as a human being, kid." -- Suehiro Maruo
From: lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: listening to tripod jimmie
Date: Sun,  3 Jan 93 02:54:01 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
Distribution: world

AjD:
: the world is FULL of educated derelicts

and they are all my friends.

exept Paul who painted played the sax up a storm and liked to
injure people with a large bowie knife.
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
| lord snooty @the giant |  inceptus clamor frustratur hiantes             |
| poisoned electric head |              andrew_-_palfreyman@cup.portal.com |
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: billbill@wetware.com (Bill Bill)
Subject: yes but christmas no
Followup-To: poster
Organization: Castle Wetware
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 10:51:57 GMT


it is a mystery time this year, in between the lurching
minutes that drip from behind my ears. christmas? no, it
is barely march, or       august i have decided to spend
it in a mystery place but not exactly anymore, since that was     too far
for me to surprise time.  so it will be a new place old to
you, and if you   trap the photons in your VCR i will             send you
the time coordinates. maybe you will find
me there.    in between
      the levels of  tape     .

             that's what
     i                       was told.

                                  will i wear a christmas tree?

                              billbill@wetware.com
From: ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: flogging the christmas spirit
Followup-To: alt.suicide.holiday
Date: 24 Dec 1992 21:54:26 GMT
Organization: finchhaus
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: helen.oit.itd.umich.edu

fuck.
back to work in an hour.
fuck fuck.
and to work again twenty four hours from now.
fuck fuck fuck.
and to work again forty eight hours from now.
fuck fuck fuck fuck.
have
fun with Your
``holiday''

Bob Crachit
-- 
                       ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu
"You'll never find happiness as a human being, kid." -- Suehiro Maruo
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mikem@nntp.telxon.com (Michael Molnar)
Subject: Re: test article
Organization: TELXON Corporation
Distribution: regional
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 21:14:45 GMT


This is another test article.  Please ignore it.
From: lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: ANYONE LOOKS GOOD IN JEANS
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 92 05:35:05 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
Distribution: world
  <9212272312.48@rmkhome.UUCP>

In article <1992Dec28.000206.29242@netcom.com> richh@netcom.com (richh) writes:
>I look *tough* in jeans.
Rick Kelly:
: To look really *tough*, wear slightly baggy regulation prison jeans.
  To look really *tough*, scrub the crotch with a large rough brick.
@lS
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Long-awaited East Coast Bob event
Date: 31 Dec 1992 13:31:33 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov

In article <1992Dec30.193727.9306@telesciences.com> srscnslt@telesciences.com (SRS Consultant) writes:
>In article <1hqf2jINNm0m@rave.larc.nasa.gov> kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey) writes:
>>sponsored by Gypsy and myself.  More details will be forthcoming in the next
>>few days.  You are invited, and you don't even have to live on the East
>>coast to come.  Jerks will be shot.
>>--scott
>
>
>	IS IT JUST ME, OR ...

Not JUST you.
--scott
From: dnwangus@flash.LakeheadU.Ca (Dave Angus)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: How my brother spent Christmas
Date: 3 Jan 1993 09:18:54 GMT
Organization: Lakehead University, Thunder Bay, Ont., Canada

kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius) writes:
>rvacca@vyasa.helios.nd.edu (robert vacca) writes:
>>used a spray can of ether on the sleeping passengers
>
>This stuff wouldn't be available in the states, would it?
>It would be just _wonderful_ at parties.

I'm pretty sure that ether actually is sold in convenient spray
cans as a cold-weather starting fluid.  It has probably been
denatured to dissuade people from having any fun with it.

Try the cans-of-magic-potions section of your local auto parts store.
--
Dave Angus                                   "Kundalini wants his hand back"
From: annie@canetoad.UUCP (Picasso-puss)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: How The Grendel Stole Christmas
Distribution: world
Date: 31 Dec 92 13:48:11 EDT
Organization: The Satellite of Love

The moon gyrated like the jewel in a belly dancer's midriff.
It wiggled and winked in its orbit around the earth.

Grendel sailed past the moon, perched on a gigantic aluminum
baseball bat. Grendel saluted the wobbling orb, adjusted a
stocking hung over one shoulder. The bat turned east and
dipped down toward the earth, headed for an island off the
shores of New York City.

"God, I love this job."

			*	*	*

Grendel waved the stocking, which was heavy and lumpy with booty.

"And what do *you* want for Christmas?"

The inmate stared, hypnotized no doubt by the fierce energy
radiating from within the red, double-breasted suit, the sheen
in Grendel's eyes. "I...uh--"

"NO. What do you *really* want? What need is so significant
that you gladly laid down your WORLD and drew a knife
across its throat? You're NOTHING!" Grendel roared. "So what
are you nothing *without*?" Grendel leaned forward and
breathed in the inmate's face. Softly: "Tell me the key
to your rage."

The inmate paled, shook.

"I want a vault of sky." The prisoner looked at Grendel's face
and swallowed. "An autumn sky in a big vault, with a lock and
a key and a combination, so I'll know it's always there for me."
By way of explanation, he muttered "I lost it when I was a child,
and I haven't been able to find it since."

"So let me see if I understand. Your brother locked you in a shed?"

The inmate's jaw went slack. "How...?"

"And it was autumn, with the sky blushing blue--embarrassed
by the shocking colors of the rolling forests?"

The inmate nodded dumbly.

"And you screamed and kicked and cried, but he wouldn't let you
out of the shed. So you dug a hole under the door, but by the
time you got out, it was dark outside. And the sky has never
been so blue again."

Grendel reached into the stocking. "Pathetically significant. You
people need to lighten up, smash some fine china, relax a little.
You get..." Grendel'arm sank deeper, finally surfacing with
"...a can of Hormel Microwaveable Chili. Merry Christmas, my friend.
NEXT!"

And so it went:

"Aw. You've always wanted to dress up in women's shoes with stiletto
heels? Why, you get this pointy, dangerous Christmas tree ornament!"

"You say your mother beat you with a walking stick? Here's a
candy cane."

"Twizzlers for the man who didn't pay his parking tickets!"

Each gift more dazzlingly inappropriate than the last.

A paste-on tattoo.
A glow-in-the-dark rubber lizard.
A nine foot paper garland in an impossibly small package.

At last the stocking was empty.

"It's been a lovely time. But if I don't leave now, my bat will
turn into a jagged-edged pumpkin knife. Hell of a way to travel."

			*	*	*

And they heard Grendel exclaim, as the bat faded from sight,
"Next year I think I'll try San Quentin."

--
Annie
and a happy new year to you all

...uunet!canetoad!annie                          canetoad!annie@uunet.uu.net

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: caz@owlnet.rice.edu (HWRNMNBSOL)
Subject: Christmas Memories
Organization: Rice University
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1993 23:41:25 GMT

Ah, Christmas!  I feast on the memories.....


.......no, Santa!  A pint of hummus, or nothing!.....

.......spiking the eggnog -- brandy, spiced rum, benzodrine.....

.......If we yodel loud enough, perhaps they'll give us nicotine....

.......out of tinsel?  Hmmmm, we got all this barbed wire.....

.......and when the Germans cross the Volga, then we fire, my patriots!.....

.......Mama, look!  Victoria's Secret catalog!!.......

.......the twins look so happy -- glad I found those nunchaku......

.......coming from the chimney!  Well, if it's burglars, they'll be sorry.....

.......too poor for gifts this year, but the tripe flows like water......

.......Holiday film festival -- "It's a Wonderful Life", "Santa Claus 
         Conquers the Martians", and "Rollerball".....

.......Oooh, the mushroom clouds!  Papa, this is the Best Christmas Ever!!!!!
-- 
HWRNMNBSOL
From: ogorman@unix1.tcd.ie (Lucifuge)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: ARISIA.MICRO-BOB Happy Hour
Date: 23 Dec 92 17:16:57 GMT
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin

Yesterday was the solstice. Wow.


--
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
  The Lord is my Shepherd............................but I'm not a Sheep
-----------------------------ogorman@unix1.tcd.ie-------------------------
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rip@sequent.com (Paul T Taylor)
Subject: Re: Enigma
Organization: Sequent Computer Systems, Inc.
Distribution: na
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 92 17:38:14 GMT

In article <ydxbs*6M0@prolix.apana.org.au> dac@prolix.apana.org.au (Andrew Clayton) writes:
>In article <BznCIo.8u4@phage.cshl.org>, Pat Monardo writes:
>
>> i was in a new age bookstore recently and the music
>> playing was a combination of Gregorian Chants and
>> Donna Summer. the bizarre thing is that this is actually
>> true, it is called Enigma, and i will probably
>> but it in a few days.
>
>People who butt CD's are weird.
>
>I mean, do they just nudge them with an elbow, or is this a full
>CD-inserted-rectally jag?
>
>The public has a RIGHT to know.
>
>Dac


I see no problem with this.... as long as you have enough duct tape...

rip
-- 
Your conscience never stops you from doing anything.  It just stops
you from enjoying it.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre