HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: jrk@sys.uea.ac.uk (Richard Kennaway)
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
Subject: Re: shyness help
Date: 15 Oct 92 16:18:28 GMT
Organization: UEA School of Information Systems, Norwich, UK.

In <1992Oct14.222201.12355@athena.mit.edu> tyadav@athena.mit.edu (Tapesh Yadav) writes:

>>tyadav@athena.mit.edu (Tapesh Yadav) replies:
>>> Just do it.

> rkennawa@nyx.cs.du.edu (Richard Kennaway) comments:
>>This, I'm afraid, is only a restatement of the problem, not a solution.

> Shyness is a complicated emotion. Each human has his or her own basic
> cause, fears, reasons which results in shyness. And, IMO, the best person
> that can help anyone in overcoming shyness is oneself. 

[...Further amplification of the theme...]

> In summary, just do it.

That's ok as far as it goes, and many shy people may be able to benefit
from such advice.  For others, I fear it is as useful as telling a blind
person to see.

Has anyone else experienced, not a fear expressed in verbal terms about
how other people might react, but instead an almost tangible feeling of
mental paralysis whenever trying to take any initiative in a social
situation?  I know perfectly well that:

>       "nothing really happens if you do what you are shy about;"
>       "the world ain't going to crash;"
>       "people may laugh, so what?"

etc., but I don't find it helps.

--
Richard Kennaway     SYS, University of East Anglia, Norwich NR4 7TJ, U.K.
Internet:  jrk@sys.uea.ac.uk               uucp:  ...mcsun!ukc!uea-sys!jrk
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: llarsen%peruvian.utah.edu@cs.utah.edu (Loren Larsen)
Subject: Re: shyness help
Date: 12 Oct 92 16:01:51 MDT
Organization: University of Utah CS Dept

In article <1992Oct12.200111.18375@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> rkennawa@nyx.cs.du.edu (Richard Kennaway) writes:
>tyadav@athena.mit.edu (Tapesh Yadav) writes:
>> smbailey@vax1.umkc.edu writes:
>>>
>>>Hi! Anyone got any suggestions on how to get over shyness?

I have a question for the original poster.  What is wrong with being shy?
Well my answer is that it prevents a person from meeting new people and
really connecting sharing with them.  If I were shy, I would have to believe
that those things are less important than protecting myself from rejecting.
Isn't shyness really a defense mechanism?  If you make the decision that
sharing yourself with other people and developing great relationships is
extremely important (more important than potential momentary pain of rejection)
then how can you possibly continue to be shy?

What kind of person would you be if you weren't shy?  If you don't create
a clear picture of that in your mind, how can you ever become that?  

Last thing, if you believe that you are shy, you will continue to be shy.
Shy people very often say things to themselves like, "I should have said
something." or "Why can't I become more outgoing?" or "I'm too shy to
do that."  Instead think about all the times when you did speak up and
express yourself, use those experiences to reinforce the fact that you
ARE outgoing.

Change your beliefs and your behaviour will follow.  Tell yourself right
now:
"Connecting with people and giving of myself is the most important thing
 to me and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen."

Loren


Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: rkennawa@nyx.cs.du.edu (Richard Kennaway)
Subject: Re: shyness help
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 92 20:01:11 GMT

tyadav@athena.mit.edu (Tapesh Yadav) writes:
> smbailey@vax1.umkc.edu writes:
>>
>>Hi! Anyone got any suggestions on how to get over shyness?

> Just do it.

This, I'm afraid, is only a restatement of the problem, not a solution.

--
Richard Kennaway     SYS, University of East Anglia, Norwich NR4 7TJ, U.K.
Internet:  jrk@sys.uea.ac.uk               uucp:  ...mcsun!ukc!uea-sys!jrk
From: mfsjbd@nmsu.EDU (Jeff Davis)
Subject: Programs
Organization: New Mexico State University, Las Cruces, NM
Distribution: alt
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 15:31:28 GMT

Currently there are a few self-improve type programs in the shareware/pd
librarys. Currently on freedom.nmsu.edu in pub/ibm/self_improve I have
put 3 shareware programs available to the public. 
psi-q.exe = Self extracting Test your Psychic powers
vap10.exe = self extracting Vocabulary Builder
wisdom.zip = UNZIP it, then a databse of quotations. (Shareware)

If any of you have any more interesting self-improve programs, please feel
free to put them into the pub/incoming/ibm directory. If you want to create
a directory for other machines, just yell.
Jeff
--
MFSJBD@NMSU.EDU                  Jeffrey B. Davis  
Computer Center User Assistance Technical Reference library Coodinator
It costs a lot of money to die comfortably. - Samuel Butler   1835 - 1902
From: bongalon@tcad05.intel.com (Ben Bongalon)
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
Subject: Re: shyness help
Date: 7 Oct 92 17:06:40 GMT
Reply-To: bongalon@tcad05.intel.com (Ben Bongalon)
Organization: Intel Corporation, Santa Clara, CA USA


In article <BvpBL6.9I6@acsu.buffalo.edu>, acsormd@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu
(Randall Desmond) writes:
|> In article <1992Oct5.202900.1@vax1.umkc.edu>, smbailey@vax1.umkc.edu
writes...
|> 
|> >Hi! Anyone got any suggestions on how to get over shyness?
|> >-=========================================================-     
|> 
|> 	No. Shyness can be an asset. It's fear of people that
|> 	should be gotten over.

Pls elaborate on how it can be an asset.

thanks
ben
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: sonic@cray.com (Curtis L. Swanson)
Subject: Re: shyness help
Date: 16 Oct 92 00:04:12 CDT

Richard Kennaway (jrk@sys.uea.ac.uk) writes:

~Has anyone else experienced, not a fear expressed in verbal terms about
~how other people might react, but instead an almost tangible feeling of
~mental paralysis whenever trying to take any initiative in a social
~situation?  I know perfectly well that:
~
~>       "nothing really happens if you do what you are shy about;"
~>       "the world ain't going to crash;"
~>       "people may laugh, so what?"
~
~etc., but I don't find it helps.

I have.  I often have "verbal lockup" when talking to some people.  There
will come a point where the conversation stops and I would like to say 
something but I can't think of anything to say.  I have been trying to fight
it by just letting the mind wander and saying anything, no matter how stupid
or silly.  As a result, I have had this problem much less in recent months.
I do wish I could stay somewhat relavent but saying something is better than
nothing.

As a side benefit, I can get away with mistakes a lot easier now.  If I say
somehting stupid now, often the reaction is "It's just Curt acting up again"
rather than "Boy, is that guy an idiot!"  Saves me a lot of grief.


***  Curt Swanson  ***  sonic@romulus.cray.com  ***  IOTTMCO  *********
HOME:n - That mythical place where you can go and relax.......
I'd rather be in a coma.........
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
Subject: Re: shyness help
From: emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp)
Date: 8 Oct 92 12:44:02 -0600

In article <BvrGv5.Lr0@inews.Intel.COM>  writes:
>
>In article <BvpBL6.9I6@acsu.buffalo.edu>, acsormd@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu
>(Randall Desmond) writes:
>|> In article <1992Oct5.202900.1@vax1.umkc.edu>, smbailey@vax1.umkc.edu
>writes...
>|> 
>|> >Hi! Anyone got any suggestions on how to get over shyness?
>|> >-=========================================================-     
>|> 
>|> 	No. Shyness can be an asset. It's fear of people that
>|> 	should be gotten over.
>
>Pls elaborate on how it can be an asset.
>
>thanks
>ben

Hmm.. Let's see.. I think that Shy-ness was referred to here as introspection/
introverted-ness. So it's okay to be a quiet person, as long as you are comfortable
around people. The fear of people, the fear of communicating at all is the problem.
How much you feel like communicating naturally is up to you. This might also suggest
a solution: communicate little by little, finding out how much communication you need 
and learning about people.
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: shyness help
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 18:45:46 GMT

In article <1992Oct12.153639.8388@athena.mit.edu> tyadav@athena.mit.edu (Tapesh Yadav) writes:
>======================
> smbailey@vax1.umkc.edu writes:
>>
>>Hi! Anyone got any suggestions on how to get over shyness?
>
> Just do it.

Also, remember that they're scared, too. They may well just be waiting
for someone else to speak to them.

                                   Nancy Lebovitz
                                   calligraphic button catalogue available
                                       by email   (170K)
                                   nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu

I'm not shy, I'm studying my prey

Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: zitsky+@CS.CMU.EDU (Mark Ryan Miller)
Subject: MIND CONTROL
Organization: Carnegie Mellon University
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 21:20:53 GMT

I have since come to see the same thing about my experience.
It wasn't until I went to college that I was able to stop attending
church.  Because of 10 years of "light" brainwashing it was several
years before I felt good about myself for leaving the church.
Eventually I searched my feelings, and realized that most of the things
I thought I believed, were actually things my MOTHER believed.

Today I'm studying Buddhism.  It's a great experience to study a religion
because you like the philosophy, rather than being forced to believe it.


Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: rakesh@svcdudes.com (Rakesh Chabra)
Subject: Re: Motivational Tips Needed
Reply-To: rakesh@svcdudes.com
Organization: Software Ventures, Inc.
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 92 01:42:24 GMT

In article <1992Sep28.141608.9175@bnr.ca> Joan Balser writes:
> Is there anyone out there on the net who could give me some suggestions  
on how
> to keep motivated towards my goals?  One week I could be committed to 
> it and the next week I feel really burnt out.  I don't know if this has   
to do
> with being a woman  but my moods seem to change from day to day.  I feel
> physcially tired and cannot seem to get the drive to carry out my  
committment. 
> Could it be I'm trying to do too much at one time?

What always works for me is to talk about the goals with someone when you  
really want it and see yourself working towards them, and when you are not  
in the mood to pursue them, talk to the same person and rationalize your  
actions and see what result you come up with.  It's always the mind that  
changes in an instance and when calmly talking to someone about it, you  
see what you saw in the first place and your mind gets set straight once  
again.  Hell, that's what friends are for!
From: rik@kopal.Corp.Sun.COM (Richard Scott)
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
Subject: Personal Power???
Date: 12 Oct 92 13:35:35 GMT
Reply-To: rik@kopal.Corp.Sun.COM
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
NNTP-Posting-Host: kopal.corp.sun.com


Hi!

   Some time ago I saw an intro pack for Tony Robbins' Personal Power program in a bookstore.  It contained the
first four days of the program, the journal and reference cards.  I listened to the tapes, very much liked what
I heard and decided to buy the full program (via the TV ad).
   So far, I'm impressed and feel positive about the posibility of good results.  But, here's the question: for any of
you who've already finished (or have at least started) this program, what do YOU think?  Is it working for you?
Do you feel that the 30-day course delivers on its promise?  (or do you have to take a lot more of his courses
to get the benefit?).

  I'd be most interested to hear of any experiences, insights, comments (pro or con!) from anyone with
experience with these tapes.

  Regards,

  Richard Scott
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: llarsen%peruvian.utah.edu@cs.utah.edu (Loren Larsen)
Subject: Re: Personal Power???
Date: 12 Oct 92 23:14:15 MDT
Reply-To: llarsen%peruvian.utah.edu@cs.utah.edu
Organization: University of Utah, CS Dept., Salt Lake City

In article <ldivp7INNig8@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM>, rik@kopal.Corp.Sun.COM (Richard Scott) writes:
|> 
|> Hi!
|> 
|>    Some time ago I saw an intro pack for Tony Robbins' Personal Power program in a bookstore.  It contained the
|> first four days of the program, the journal and reference cards.  I listened to the tapes, very much liked what
|> I heard and decided to buy the full program (via the TV ad).
|>    So far, I'm impressed and feel positive about the posibility of good results.  But, here's the question: for any of
|> you who've already finished (or have at least started) this program, what do YOU think?  Is it working for you?
|> Do you feel that the 30-day course delivers on its promise?  (or do you have to take a lot more of his courses
|> to get the benefit?).
|> 
|>   I'd be most interested to hear of any experiences, insights, comments (pro or con!) from anyone with
|> experience with these tapes.
|> 
|>   Regards,
|> 
|>   Richard Scott

My experiene with the tapes was very good.  I noticed very immediate changes
in myself WHEN I used what was taught.  Although for me, I can't say that the
tapes made a huge long lasting change in my life, but I will freely say that
Tony Robbins has.  I've been to a number of his programs.  The most recent
one I went to seems to be the most effective (Unlimited Power Weekend).  After
this most recent program which I only attended for one day, I noticed 
unbelievable changes that have lasted!!!  I think that everyone who begins
on this process of change will have a point where it all beings to explode
and grow.  For me that has been fairly recent (I first listened to Personal
Power a year ago), but for others I know, they changed their lives dramatically
in a few days after listening to the tapes.  

So to really answer your question, the Personal Power program contains almost
all of Tony's personal development material (he has several business programs
and fantastic health program as well) and if you apply it you can make big
changes.  For me it took a little longer, but it really depends on who you
are.

Loren
From: 5546yuj@vms.csd.mu.edu (jinyu)
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
Subject: Re: shyness help
Date: 13 Oct 1992 02:47:18 GMT
Organization: Marquette University - Computer Services
Reply-To: 5546yuj@vms.csd.mu.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: vmsd.csd.mu.edu

In article <1992Oct12.023335.27195@cc.uow.edu.au>, u8901852@cc.uow.edu.au (jenny watson) writes:
>smbailey@vax1.umkc.edu writes:
>
>>Hi! Anyone got any suggestions on how to get over shyness?
>
>
>I know it sounds awful but the way to get over shyness is to practice
>talking to people.  When I finished high school I was terribly shy, but at
.
.
.
>

I was  terribly shy. The main problem was the fear to face more than one
people. Two years ago I discovered Toastermsters International, a worldwide
clud with 160,000 members in 60 countries. Now I feel much more confident.
But I believe I need anothet 2 years to get totally control of my fear.
I consider my fear is a extrem case.
It is absolutely worth to try this TM club. It it terrific for people who are
shy and for those who wish to improve puplic speacking.

JY

Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: blblam@napier.uwaterloo.ca (Bernard Lam)
Subject: Re: Liking myself
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 18:04:20 GMT

In article <1992Oct8.130921.23419@nmsu.edu> (Kevin D Morgan) wrote:

> I have been told by a couple of people now that if I liked myself that
> I'd be a helluva person.  Does anybody know of any books/tapes/other
> media that can help me with this problem?

	Liking oneself has to do with one's self-esteem.  (Although there is much more to self-esteem than just 'feeling good'.)  As to the issue of self-esttem, I highly recommend the books by Natheniel Branden.  He wrote a number of books on self-esteem and other related issues (The Psycholology of Self-Esteem, Breaking Free, The Disowned Self, The Psychology of Romantic Love, Honoring the Self, What Love Asks of us, How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, The Power of Self-Esteem).  'How to Raie your Self-Esteem' is a 





good one to start with, then you may want to proceed with 'Honoring the Self' or 'The Disowned Self'.

	Branden's approach differs from the other authors of self-help books in the he stress the fact that we human beings are basically self-determining creatures and that we have to make an effort to achieve healthy self-esteem instead of 'just saying a few positive affirmations to ourselves everyday' as some authors suggested.

	If anyone out there has read Branden's book and has some thoughts to share, please post in the group.
 
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: tyadav@athena.mit.edu (Tapesh Yadav)
Subject: Re: shyness help
Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 15:36:39 GMT

======================
 smbailey@vax1.umkc.edu writes:
>
>Hi! Anyone got any suggestions on how to get over shyness?

 Just do it.

T.Y.
----
tyadav@athena.mit.edu
Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: kmorgan@dante.nmsu.edu (Kevin D Morgan)
Subject: Liking myself
Organization: New Mexico State University, Las Cruces, NM
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 13:09:21 GMT

Hello there!

I have been told by a couple of people now that if I liked myself that
I'd be a helluva person.  Does anybody know of any books/tapes/other
media that can help me with this problem?

Really appreciate it!!

Kevin
kmorgan@nmsu.edu

Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: u8901852@cc.uow.edu.au (jenny watson)
Subject: Re: shyness help
Organization: University Of Wollongong
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 92 02:33:35 GMT

smbailey@vax1.umkc.edu writes:

>Hi! Anyone got any suggestions on how to get over shyness?


I know it sounds awful but the way to get over shyness is to practice
talking to people.  When I finished high school I was terribly shy, but at
Uni they made you get up in front of a class of people and talk for 20
minutes.  And you didn't do it just once, but many times over the four years.
I still hate public speaking, but I can do it reasonably well.  Its the same
with group discussions.  Once I wouldn't have said a thing, but once you find
that you can say something, and everyone doesn't laugh at you, you get the
confidence to speak up more often.  Its only through expereince and practice
that you can get over shyness.  Of course, I may be wrong, but it worked for
me.  I'm still not bursting with confidence, but I can speak up for myself
and let my viewpoint be heard, whereas before it was almost unthinkable to
do so.

Newsgroups: alt.self-improve
From: nroth@Uhunix.Uhcc.Hawaii.EDU (Nancy Roth)
Subject: Re: shyness help
Reply-To: nnroth@Uhunix.Uhcc.Hawaii.EDU
Organization: Management Systems Office
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 18:53:20 GMT

In article 1@vax1.umkc.edu, smbailey@vax1.umkc.edu () writes:
>Hi! Anyone got any suggestions on how to get over shyness?
>
>--
>-=========================================================-
>-= Hey? Is this my .sig down here?                       =-
>-= If you reading it I guessed it work if your not well, =-
>-= Ahh, just forget it!                                  =-
>-=                        Stevie B                       =-
>-=========================================================-     


Get out of the house/apartment/condo and do what it is you like doing.  For
examples:
	Like art, go to museums...
	Like music, go to concerts...
	Like wildlife, go to a park and feed the birds...
	Like reading, visit bookstores or read in the park...

Basically, what I am proposing is those people who are comfortable and calm
in more places and situations tend to be less shy.  By getting out, riding
the bus, walking around you tend to get used to being in places and with
this you can be more responsive if someone is around the same place and
begins a conversation.

Scenerio:  You love art and visit a new exhibit.  Someone else happens
by and asks your opinion of the artist, colors, etc.  You, after getting
out of the house often, are comfortable with the situation and place and
can answer without hesitation and/or shyness. 

If you aren't prepared for conflicting opinions then take a class or go to
a seminar on Communications Skills.  I've been to a few and they usually
have a workshop or lab time set aside to work on dealing with situations
that arise in conversation, how to interpret body language, etc.  It has
done me a load of good when performing training sessions with customers
although I still get flushed (I'm blond with pale complexion) when I make
a mistake no matter how small, which in turn gets me more embarrassed not
only about the mistake, but the flushing.  It may never end, but I don't
avoid training because of that happening.  So, try not to avoid situations
you find uncomfortable.  It's all a part of maturing which I always and
reluctantly pair up with yet more responsibility of aldulthood. 

Possibly doing things alone may keep you at place at home.  It takes some
getting used to, but after a while its not all that bad.  Even though I am
engaged, I still do and enjoy doing things alone.  I like to have my lunch
in a park or the amphitheatre on campus and usually do so alone.  I enjoy
visiting art exhibits, which we luckily have on campus often.  

Maybe you also enjoy being and doing things alone.  If not, ask a co-worker,
relative, friend along until each situation becomes easier.

Hope this makes sense and helps.

Nan(cy) L. Roth
nroth@uhunix.uhcc.hawaii.edu

** This is my advice. I am not a professional, unless we're talking  computers **
From: ssrfagg@csug.cs.reading.ac.uk (Graham Edward Fagg)
Newsgroups: alt.whine
Subject: Re: WWWWWHHHHAAAATTTTT????????
Date: 14 Oct 92 03:55:27 GMT
Organization: University of Reading

wwwwwwwwhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy ssssssshhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllddddddd
aaaannnnyyyyyyyyyzzzz   bbbbbbbbboooooodddddyyyyyyyyyy  !stop! wwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhining
?????????????????????????????????????????

{why does it always look like people are typing alt.whine things on incorrectly
set tty's????????????}}}  oooorrr aaarrreee ttthhhheeerrrrreeeee kkkkeeeyyyyssss
ssstttuuuuucccckkkkk ddoooowwwwwwnnnnn wwwiiiitttthhhhh ^$%^$&^%^$#^ buutttererr....

Graham.

:) Smile :)  OK WHINE THEN  8(
Newsgroups: alt.whine
From: ward@math.psu.edu (Brian Ward)
Subject: Re: WWWWWHHHHAAAATTTTT????????
Organization: The Bill and Ted Society of Computer Science
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 02:36:28 GMT

<DFH101@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:
|stop your whining.

stop whining about their whining.

Newsgroups: alt.whine
From: tim@gold.iss.nus.sg (tim poston)
Subject: The days of whine and roses
Reply-To: tim@iss.nus.sg (tim poston)
Organization: Institute of Systems Science, NUS, Singapore
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 04:01:32 GMT

They're over.
I hate it when that happens.
Newsgroups: alt.whine
From: ward@math.psu.edu (Brian Ward)
Subject: Re: WWWWWHHHHAAAATTTTT????????
Organization: The Bill and Ted Society of Computer Science
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 02:28:06 GMT

ross-c@scs.leeds.ac.uk (R Clement) writes:
|stop whining about their whining about their whining.

stop whining about my whining about her whining about their whining!

Newsgroups: alt.whine
From: tim@gold.iss.nus.sg (tim poston)
Subject: WHY WAS I BORN?
Originator: tim@gold
Organization: Institute of Systems Science, NUS, Singapore
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 06:42:55 GMT


         Why was I born?

 Why did I hafta get my skull squeezed through the birth canal?
 I shoulda slid out tiny, while my nervous system was too simple for trauma,
 and nuzzled through the fur to my mother's pouch.

 Facing daylight coulda been MY decision,
 when my eyes had grown and I stuck my head out again.

	 I wanna be a marsupial!!!
	 Like the Virgin Mary!!!
	 WAAAUGH!!!
From: DFH101@psuvm.psu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.whine
Subject: Re: WWWWWHHHHAAAATTTTT????????
Date: 13 Oct 92 01:04:41 GMT
Organization: Penn State University

stop your whining.