From: mkkuhner@milton.u.washington.edu (Mary K. Kuhner)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp
Subject: Story:  Jayhawk (143)
Date: 8 Apr 92 14:50:05 GMT
Organization: University of Washington, Seattle

143.  Susan

For three years Susan had kept the address in her mailfile, and never
looked at it; like a bill too long unpaid, or an old love letter.  She
was alone now, in an apartment lit only by the luminous screen, where it
burned like a challenge.  It was a meaningless address; even her limited
skills as a hacker had told her that.  Mail to it should bounce back
within minutes.

She sent the message.

The response was almost instantaneous.  She had a sudden, dismaying
feeling that Jayhawk had spent the last three years simply waiting for
her to write, unwearying and undistracted.  No.  Channa said she was
more human than that, and Channa should know--shouldn't she?

>It's good to hear from you again.  May I use graphics?--Jayhawk

On a hunch, she typed in 'okay' at system level.  Instead of returning
an error message, the screen blanked, then cleared to show an image she
recognized, the Matrix representation of Yoichi's personal system.
A young woman in silver and blue was sitting crosslegged on the 
communications console.

"Hello," said a soft voice from the speaker.  She jumped.  The terminal
itself had no sound; that was Yoichi's stereo system.  But of course it
was tied into the Net for music retrieval.  "Is the volume okay?"

"It's fine."  Could Jayhawk hear her as well?  "Thanks for coming to 
talk to me."

"My pleasure."  Apparently she could.

"I, um, wanted to thank you for helping us ditch those records.  It
looks like we're free and clear.  Thanks."

The image didn't look particularly like her anymore.  Her own hair was
pale blonde like Channa's now--they'd passed for mother and daughter, 
though Channa wasn't really old enough to be her mother.  Her eyes were
blue, but not that blue.  There was something different in the shape of
the face, the set of the eyes.  That was comforting.  She wasn't sure
she could have talked calmly to an exact image of herself.

"You're welcome.  I'm glad it's worked out for you."

Susan felt suddenly as if she'd summoned a demon--what was she going to
say?  Jayhawk would expect her to have had some reason for writing.  She
probably wouldn't go away again without an answer.  "Yoichi and I are
getting married."  She hadn't meant to broach that topic quite yet,
but....

"Congratulations!"

"You don't mind?  It's okay?"

"I don't mind," said Jayhawk gently.  She reached forward, seemed to
touch the screen with her fingertips, a wistful gesture.  "I'll come to
your wedding if you have it on the Matrix.  If you want me to."

Susan brushed the screen with her own fingers, felt only the cold smooth
surface.  "Why did it happen?" she said in a very small voice.  "I've
been trying not to ask that question, but I can't."

"Caroline Davies and Angela Whitechapel were half-sisters, I think.  I
know that's not 'why', but it's part of it.  So Ren'raku's reasearch
team--"

"...looked at my genotype and decided I'd be a good experimental
subject.  I know that part."

Jayhawk's eyes widened a little.  "Our father was something of a
bastard," she said after a moment.  "But you seem to have come out of it
all right.  I've never been sure--Did you do it by rejecting what they'd
given you?  Or coming to an accomodation with it?"

"Accomodation.  I guess that's a good word."  She laughed nervously.  "I
wanted to run the Matrix, but there's no room for more headware.  And I
wasn't willing to pitch...what's in there.  It didn't have any choice in
the matter either, it didn't want to be stuck in my head.  And finally I
remembered..."  She hadn't told anyone, not even Yoichi, the extent of
those memories.  "Remembered running naked on the Matrix, and I said to 
myself, 'Hey, I can do that.'"  Though Channa had probably guessed.
"I can, or we can, I'm not exactly sure which."

"I would like to see you.  I spent a lot of time wondering where you
were, whether you'd be all right."  She dropped her hand, looked down.
"Though I'd understand if you'd rather not."

Susan slowly unwound the dataline from the terminal, fitted it to her
jack.  Would the presence-within cooperate?  Her vision blurred,
steadied.  She was standing in the central node of Yoichi's system,
barely a meter from Jayhawk.  The image was not as clear as the one on
her screen, filtered through a vision too different from hers; Jayhawk's
image was misty with possible interpretations, nuances of program
identification that had no meaning to her.  Not a decker, that she could
see.  The presence-within made one of its rare comments, a flicker of
data almost too fast to follow.  *Virtual system.*

"A different path than mine," said Jayhawk, watching her with a shivery
intensity, "but a good one.  Damn, I'm glad to see that!"  Suddenly warm
arms were around her, and a small voice in her hair, "I was afraid you'd
hate me, or just never remember at all because it hurt too much."

"I didn't for a long time.  But that hurt too."  She hugged Jayhawk
back.  Yoichi would worry if he knew, as he always worried.  But for the
moment she didn't care.  "So we're sisters!  I should have guessed."

"Good luck, little sister," said Jayhawk, releasing her.  "Give my
regards to Yoichi and the others.  Take good care of yourself, and him
too.  I'll be here, if I can help."

"I'm not sure what we could do to help you," said Susan on impulse, "but
if you ever think of anything--let me know."

"I will."  She dissolved in a shimmer of conjecture, the presence-
within's attempt to understand connections and procedures it had never
seen before.  Susan felt its curiosity like a cool, flickering light.
She watched the shimmers until they faded away, let it collect all the
data it could before she went back.  She wasn't sure she wanted to
understand what Jayhawk was.  But it did, and she wouldn't deny it its
chance.

She shook her head, went back to the empty apartment to wait for Yoichi.

--

Copyright 1992 Mary K. Kuhner