From: smccoy@dw3g.ess.harris.com (Scott McCoy)
Subject: Lightening the load, a little
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 19:45:30 GMT
Reply-To: smccoy@dw3g.ess.harris.com (Scott McCoy)
Organization: Harris Corporation Information Systems Division


I was laying in my hammock, out on the porch, listening to Ivan Lins on
the CD player, trying to unwind after work.  I thought of Donna, who I
hadn't thought about for awhile.  I wondered how she was doing, and if
her marriage was a happy one.  I thought back to when she made a pass
at me...

	Donna was a charming, shy woman, with a heart of gold and legs
	to match!  (Even now, the thought of that walk and those legs
	makes my breath catch.)  She was my age, but had spent a few
	years working out of our field, so she was junior to me.  We
	became friends.  Just friends, but there always seemed to be a
	little something more there.  We casually flirted, but there
	was this *edge* to it...like we both weren't sure just how
	serious the other was.

	Anyway, I had finally got my first project.  A manager, at
	last!  I had finally gotten what I had wanted: the opportunity
	to lead!  I worked my butt off, I tried to keep my employees
	happy, I tried to keep my boss happy, god how I tried.  One
	Saturday, when I was in the office trying to catch up on the
	paperwork (I know, get a life!), she showed up.

	We started talking...about this and that...work and friends.
	Eventually, she steered the conversation towards
	relationships.  She asked me what I thought about dating at the
	office.  I started telling her that I thought it was not a good
	idea, especially if the couple worked together, that if the
	couple worked in different areas it was probably ok, that...
	blah, blah, blah...

	I guess I was a little slow...The light had gone out of her
	face.  I realized she was asking about US!  I thought
	furiously, trying to keep my face from showing the conflict
	between my heart and mind.  Could I somehow get her transfered
	to another project???  Could I take over another project???
	But I realized that wasn't possible:  the company was too
	small.  There was just no way.

	I wanted to kick myself.  Here was a woman I found attractive,
	and I *HAD* to say no!  Damn ethics and morals!  (I know, I
	know...it was the only thing to do...the right thing!...that
	doesn't mean I had to LIKE it!)

	That was the end of that.  She left, and I sat there, knowing I
	had done the right thing, but taking no comfort from that.

	After that Saturday, we went on, much like before.  Until, a
	few months later, she asked me out to lunch, to meet her
	'beau'.  I kinda wondered about that, but we were friends,
	after all.

	At lunch, I talked to her 'beau'.  We talked about cars, jobs,
	career plans.  The more we talked, the more my stomach
	churned.  The guy was ME!  I mean, he had many of the same
	ideas, plans, etc. that I had.  It was chilling, to say the
	least.

	Some months later, Donna left the company.  She ended up
	marrying the guy (and no, she didn't invite me to the
	wedding).

As I swung out of the hammock, and headed off to bed (alone, dammit), I
wondered:  Did I make a mistake in not pursuing a relationship?  Or did
I really do the right thing?

On nights like these, I'm not so sure.

---
Cheshire Cat		   Official Back Scratcher of the RFA
 
"Chesire Cat, which way ought I to go from here?", asked Alice.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to go?", said the cat.
"I don't much care where...", said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go.", said the Cat.
	(Alice in Wonderland)
Newsgroups: alt.romance.chat