From: eisimps@cie.uoregon.edu (Eileen Simpson)
Subject: Re: rights and responsibilities
Organization: University of Oregon Campus Information Exchange
Date: Sat, 26 Sep 92 05:08:47 GMT

>In article <1992Sep24.015639.28562@news.acns.nwu.edu>
>dmeier@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (Douglas Meier) writes:
>> I have yet to see anyone on the pro-abort side say word one about adoption.  I
>> tend to believe that sex needs a deterent, and pregnancy seems to be a good
>> one to me.  But if you must take the risk and you do get pregnant,  why not
>> give the baby up for adoption?  Thousands of couples are on waiting lists all
>> over the country to adopt babies.  Why won't pro-aborts consider it?
>

Well, what I don't get is why some people think adoption is an "easy"
choice that 'people who care about their kids' would make.

I do not ever want to be in the position of deciding what to do about an
unwanted pregnancy (and I handle my life accordingly), but I know right now
that adoption is *not* on my list of options and never will be.

While I do not consider a fetus a child in the early stages of gestation,
there is no issue about what I've produced once a baby is born:  my child.
It is not a old coat that I donate to the needy or a dog to hand off because 
it's too much trouble to take care of.  If I have a child, I'm raising 
that kid because my children are important to me.  (I have one.)  

Because I believe strongly that I am responsible for the children I bring
into the world and have high commitment to how they are raised and provided
for, I would never turn that position over to someone else.  It simply will
not happen.  I would either raise an unexpected child myself or have an
abortion.

I know that will not make sense to some pro-lifers, but that is because we
are not coming from the same viewpoint or definitions.  I have powerful
beliefs and values that could not be served by saying, "If you cannot care
for a child, then give it away."  I really doubt that any amount of talk
will change either of our views or make my feelings clearer to someone who
doesn't understand or agree. I only know that the adoption argument strikes 
me as somehow anti-life and anti-child since I experience it as implying 
that children are commodities and not little beings that we love and care 
for and that have an absolute right to be wanted by their biological parents.

There are some very compelling studies on the failure of adoption that also
factor into this decision.  When the abortion debate is left out of the
picture, adoption is described as "a failure," an "emotional wound from
which the kids never recover."***  (See Wall Street Journal article on Open
Adoption as an experiment to see if the damage can be prevented or
minimized.)  What really got to me was that this article quoted directors
of national adoption agencies on the problems created for mothers and kids
by adoption.

I could not give birth to a baby and then turn him or her over to people I
did not know in a context that would likely be emotionally damaging under 
the best of circumstances.

I am entirely willing to raise a child on my own.  What I am not willing to
do is saddle a child with a flakey, uncommitted father.  I will not
fascilitate male irresponsibility by 'doing the noble thing' and having the
baby but not expect him to be part of it.  I have done too much paternity
law and support enforcement to put up with absent or half-assed fathers
because they screw up kids too. 

I suspect I would take a good hard look at the dad, and if he looked like
someone who could be counted on to be a committed parent, I'd have the
child and raise it.  If not, I would abort.  Of course, if I was feeling 
that way about the dad, I would dump the yo-yo, so unless I became pg in 
the end stages of a relationship, I don't think this is likely to occur.

But, to return to your original question about adoption:  the research is
pretty clear that this is far from an easy and simple solution for mothers
or the adopted children.  ***I am not saying that all adopted kids are
basket cases that should have been aborted.  I am saying that this
information confirms my emotional response and cements my position that I
would never put a child up for adoption.

I think we should reduce crisis pregnancies by having more people be
celibate.  All we have to do is buy them computers and modems, and turn
them loose on the net.  Put them in a high volume newsgroup and they won't
have time for sex!


Xref: sparky talk.politics.misc:48725 alt.rush-limbaugh:6260 alt.politics.bush:7269 alt.politics.clinton:7907 alt.politics.elections:14716 talk.abortion:39567 alt.sex:31408