From: aaron@atlantis.uucp
Subject: Alfvaen's Christmas Travelogue[LONG]
Organization: Atlantis Communications, Edmonton, AB, Canada
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 23:23:27 GMT

Friday, Dec. 18th

Nicole worked that morning, but I got to stay home and pack.  I
planned to get the packing done first and then go on the modem and get
as caught up as I could on news-reading(mainly alt.pub.dragons-inn),
and see if I could set up a process to save news sometime during the
week so I wouldn't lose as much.  Well, it was 11:00 before I was done
packing, and I wasn't able to get access to Atlantis--it wasn't
answering the phone, for some reason.  So I spent about 15 minutes on
Radio Free Albemuth, the local BBS I take the most interest in, when
Nicole came home early.  So we left shortly after noon.

It had been snowing the couple of days previous, but was clear on the
18th, and the roads were all fairly clear.  The drive up to Grande
Prairie was quiet and uneventful.  We arrived safely at my dad's
trailer about dinnertime, and spent a quiet evening at home watching
"Basic Instinct".  Afterwards there ensued an argument as to who
exactly >had< been the murderer...

Saturday, Dec. 19th

We were woken up by my dad watching "Prince of Tides", and I tried to
fathom a book of Mah Jongg rules while Nicole, my dad, and my
stepmother Sue watched it.  Other than that, the day was uneventful
lolling around, playing cards, eating baked goods, and the like.  In
the evening my stepsister Karen, her husband Dennis, and their
daughter Maia came over.  Maia is about three, and on our previous
visits had been a bit shy of her Uncle Aaron and Auntie Nicole.  But
this time, with some urging from Dennis, she came over and tried to
tickle us.  She was obviously very influenced by popular culture,
since "Batman" and "Ghostbusters" showed up frequently in her speech.

Sunday, Dec. 20th

After another uneventful morning, we went out to visit my mother and
her husband Elmer in their house an hour or so drive out from Grande
Prairie, south of the sprawing metropolis(*) of Beaverlodge.  (It's
not a farm, and not quite an acreage either, but it is out in the
country.)  I borrowed a bunch of books from her, and after dinner we
unwrapped our Christmas presents(Loot Tally: For us, a Scrabble game,
a shoulder bag/purse for Nicole, a 100-tape wall-rack for me, two Tom
Clancy books, a photo album, and some Christmas tree ornaments; for
them, a wooden carving of an antelope from an African import store). 
Then my mother hauled out a keyboard she'd bought for use at
school(she teached Grade 6 in Beaverlodge), and we banged out a few
Christmas carols on it.  Then I played around with it for about half
an hour, figuring out all its features, before my wife tore me away
from it to be sociable again.  I gave them some of my Spanish books,
since she and Elmer are going to Nicaragua in February(Elmer's a
beekeeper, and he's helping set up a station down there).  Then we
drove back to my dad's for the night, since Mom doesn't have enough
room to put us up out there.

Monday, Dec. 21st

We went and picked up Nicole's friend Joanne at her apartment, and
then went to meet Nicole's sister Sharna at the Grande Prairie
Regional College, where she works in the LRC(Learning Resource Center,
a.k.a. Library).  We went for lunch at Arby's(a fast food place that
serves roast beef sandwiches), and then returned to the College where
Sharna gave us a tour of the LRC.  Then Sharna had to go back to work,
and Joanne showed us the rest of the College.

I'd spent my first year at the College before moving to the University
of Alberta.  I guess that would be '87/'88, or about five years ago
now.  Since then, they'd renovated a sizable portion of it--in fact,
nearly all of it.  The College was originally designed by(I think)
Douglas Cardinal, an architect who wasn't fond of straight lines, and
as such was an extremely interesting building.  The add-on wasn't done
by Cardinal, so it's much more Euclidean, which is a shame...  At
least the section near the Auditorium, where I'd spent by far the
largest portion of my time in the College, was mostly unchanged, apart
from the numbering of the rooms...

We went down to the Prairie Mall to visit Nicole's friend Rose, who
worked at the local Cole's(chain bookstore, which had bought out the
only decent independent bookstore in town), but they were so busy in
the Christmas rush that we had to buy some books to be able to talk to
her.  (Not that I was hard to talk into the idea in the first
place...)  We didn't get to see much of her at all, though...  Then we
went back to Joanne's and chatted for a few hours before going back to
my dad's.  (It had been snowing a lot that day, so that every time we
stopped somewhere for more than twenty minutes we had to brush off the
car when we got back to it.)

That evening my dad and Sue had some guests over, and things got a bit
loud for a while.  We eventually got a card game started(an
interesting game that I may describe later for those that are
interested.(**)  Previously nameless, that night we dubbed it "Life
Begins At 50").  Then Del, one of the guests, wanted to go home, while
her husband Bill was still playing the game.  Eventually Del managed
to coax her keys out of Sue so she could start the car, and she left
without Bill.  Bill was quite upset at this, but eventually Dad & Sue
talked him down.  Having no skill at all in difficult situations like
that, especially those involving people who have been drinking, Nicole
and I beat a hasty retreat to bed.

Tuesday, Dec. 22nd

Shortly after lunch we left for Hawk Hills, where Nicole's parents
live(a rural municipality outside of the sprawling metropolis(*) of
Manning).  We were both getting headaches, and eating at the Dunvegan
Motor Inn in Fairview didn't help much.  By the time we reached the
Luiken household, we were feeling distinctly unwell.  Nicole only ate
half a piece of her mother's apple pie, a sure sign of sickness.  We
ended up going to bed in the Dungeon downstairs at 8:30 that night,
with queasy stomachs(in my case, gas and diarrhea), slight fevers,
headaches, and achy bones.

Wednesday, Dec. 23rd

I managed to get up and get something to eat before noon, but Nicole
couldn't managed to stay up that long.  She stayed in bed, with brief
interludes upstairs, until about 4:00, while I read and did other
nothings.

I haven't mentioned weather much so far.  It had been about -15 to -25
Celsius(5 to -13 Fahrenheit)in Grande Prairie, with intermittent
snow.  When we got to Hawk Hills it was below -30 Celsius(-22
Fahrenheit)and stayed that way the whole time we were there.  Sharna
was supposed to drive up from Grande Prairie that evening with Joanne,
but it was snowing by that time and she stopped over in Fairview with
Nicole's uncle Koos.  We were recovered enough to have supper and
lemon meringue pie that evening, although my diarrhea continued for
another day and my gas another couple of days after that.  (I love
digestion--when it works properly.)

Thursday, Dec. 24th

Sharna arrived before lunch, the weather having cleared up in
Fairview.  We went over to Nicole's Auntie Julie's for Christmas Eve
dinner.  Auntie Julie is a wonderful woman--she talks like a farmer,
and you couldn't imagine anyone less demure.  She's quite forthright,
very earthy, etc.  I can't describe her.  She's everyone's favourite
Aunt, except of course for her children.  (She's got eight
grandchildren, too.)  We had a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner(no
turkey yet; fried chicken instead)and then went to Midnight Mass(6:30
in Hawk Hills, because the priest has other commitments).  After the
usual period of feeling slightly uncomfortable in a church I don't
really believe in, and singing Christmas carols with a couple of
strange verses in them, we went back to Julie's and played cards until
it was time to go home and open our presents, about 11:00.

(Loot Tally: Three Tom Clancy books(including the two we'd gotten
before), another Scrabble game(but then, you can use both sets of
tiles that way), another purse for Nicole(which she liked better), two
tapecases for me(total capacity--90 tapes), a bunch of Avon goods(from
Sue, who's selling Avon these days), a couple of jigsaw puzzles, a
copy of Les Miserables(the novel), a letter opener from the African
import store(from Nicole, who saw me drooling over it), a gold chain
with solitaire amethyst(for Nicole, from me--am I not a romantic?), a
white cardigan sweater(for Nicole), a Skip-Bo game(from the makers of
Uno), and a pair of white angel ornaments handmade by Sue.)

Friday, Dec. 25th

Stayed home and watched TV.  Really.  (Opening the gifts Christmas Eve
somehow takes a lot of the effect out of Christmas Day.)  I was
reading an early Christmas gift from my friend Julia, an anthology of
Christmas mystery stories called Murder For Christmas.  (Just finished
it last night, in fact.)  In the evening, the Gibson family came over
and we played a game called I.D.(in which you become a famous
personality and then answer questions like "If you were a type of
footwear, which would you be?" in an attempt to convey your identity
as soon as possible to the other players).  I won(mostly by astute
guessing on the first few rounds--because both the guesser and the
guessee get points, the more the sooner guessed).  Then we played
Trivial Pursuit, and I think I was on the winning team there, too. 
(In general, I had good luck with games this holiday season.)

Saturday, Dec. 26th

We went over to the Hawk Hills Curling Rink shortly after lunch and
did the draw for the Hank Luiken Memorial Bonspiel(hereafter referred
to as the Funspiel), making twelve teams out of the forty-eight people
who were going to be playing the next day.  Nicole's father cleaned
off the ice, and Nicole, Sharna and I threw a few practice stones,
since we were out of practice(and I had never been in practice).  Then
we spent another uneventful evening at home(I think we watched "Fried
Green Tomatoes").

Sunday, Dec. 27th

The day of the Funspiel.  (Curling rules are included at the end for
those unfamiliar with the game(***).)  I had to curl at 10:00, so
Nicole and I got up about 9:00.  It was -40 that morning, so it's a
good thing our cars were plugged in...  We were in fact a bit late,
but only a few minutes.  On my team was Nicole's Auntie Ann and two
others I didn't know.  I was playing Lead, which is paradoxically the
position assigned to the weakest player(which I certainly was.  I had
curled two years ago, in preparation for the Funspiel that year that
was called on account of poor weather, and previously in Grade 8, when
I was only 11 and consequently unable to get rocks over the Hog Line),
so my role wasn't really crucial to the outcome of any of the games. 
Nonetheless, we managed to win twice, although we were eliminated in
the semifinals.  I won't go into too many details of the Bonspiel, but
suffice it to say that while Sharna and Nicole's dad were both in the
finals, they didn't win.  (There was an "A" Event, for teams who won
their first game, and a "B" Event, for teams who lost their first
game.  After the first game, if you lost, you were out.  Some
Bonspiels have "C" Events, for those who lose their second game from
"A" Event, and "D" Events, for those who lose their second game from
"B" Event, but the Hawk Hills Curling Rink only has two ices, and we
only had an afternoon.)  It was a great social event, though--we got
to see lots of Nicole's friends and aunts and uncles and cousins that
we hadn't before.  Since it was -40, we also had to go start the car
every three hours and warm it up again, since we couldn't plug that
many cars in at the Rink...  There were plenty of children, who ran
around a lot near the beginning and went outside to skate and freeze
their faces off later.

All in all, it was a fun time, even if it did ratch my body for days
afterward.  My legs still hurt if I lift them the wrong way...

Monday, Dec. 28th

We weren't sure whether we were going home that day or not.  Nicole
had to work on the 29th, but the weather report the previous day
hadn't looked good--more -40 weather, and maybe some wind.  But the
forecast for the next few days didn't look any better, so we decided
to go with it anyway.  Nicole's father, who, god bless him, is one of
those mechanically-inclined people who knows a lot about cars, gave us
lots of advice, a can of gas-line antifreeze, and lots of help in
getting the car started when it got recalcitrant.  (Sharna had already
abandoned her plan of driving down to Camrose, which is south of
Edmonton, to visit her grandmother before heading back to Grande
Prairie...but we had to get her car started before we could get out
anyway.)  By about 11:30 we were ready to go--everything packed,
things we didn't want to freeze sitting in the back seat(including a
bunch of old records the Luikens didn't need anymore, not having a
record player).  Then we set off.

We stalled turning out from the Hawk Hills road onto the McKenzie
Highway, and vowed not to turn the car off if we could help it on the
trek home.  We stopped in Peace River(shrouded in ice fog from the
eponymous river)for some KFC, stalling once on our way up the hill
there, and left the car running while we ate.  High Prairie was
similarly shrouded in fog, and we only missed fog in Slave Lake(where
we gassed up)by a few hours, according to the gas station attendant. 
The drive was, on the whole, not fun, especially once it god dark and
you could get blinded by a truck passing you in a cloud of exhaust. 
We hit snow a couple of times, but at least there was little of it on
the road.

Then we arrived at St. Albert, the suburb north of Edmonton, and
stalled at a stoplight.  (We were both good at the routine this
time--it started fine after it stalled, so we just shifted to Park,
started it again, revved the motor, and then shifted into Drive
without touching the brake, getting the car moving before it stalled
again.)  A harrowing drive later(if only because the thing >might<
stall again at any stop), we arrived home.  (One last stall turning
left two blocks from home, blocking a lane of traffic.)  We dragged
all our stuff inside, made some hot dogs(left over from the Funspiel),
and generally collapsed.  We always wish we were home about a week
after leaving on a holiday, this one being no exception.  You
appreciate it so much more...

Footnotes

(*) sprawling metropolis--not likely to be on maps of Alberta in any
standard atlas.  (Hawk Hills isn't even on the highway maps of Alberta
we have.)

(**) Life Begins At 50

A rummy-type game, requiring one deck of cards for every two players
in the game, complete with jokers, and 50 cents(preferably in nickels
and dimes)for each player.  Deuces and jokers are wild, and cards
count as follows: Jokers 50 points, aces and deuces 20 points, 8-K 10
points, and 3-7 5 points.  Each player is dealt eleven cards.

On your turn, you may either draw one card from the deck, or spend
five cents for the top card of the discard pile >and< three cards from
the deck.  This is the only way to get cards from the discard pile. 
It is possible, under some rules, to draw and then decide to buy, in
which case the cards already drawn is counted among the three drawn
from the deck.  After playing what you can, you must discard one card
unless you have gone out.

Melding is as follows:  In the first hand, you must have a
three-of-a-kind to meld.  A meld may include wild cards, as long as
they do not outnumber natural cards--thus two naturals and a wild card
is a permissible meld.  Wild cards may not be replaced with natural
cards--they must stay in their melds.

On the second hand, you must have >two< threes-of-a-kind to meld.  On
the third hand, one four-of-a-kind; on the fourth hand, two
fours-of-a-kind; on the fifth hand, one five-of-a-kind; on the sixth
hand, two fives-of-a-kind; on the seventh hand, one six-of-a-kind; and
on the eighth and last hand, two sixes-of-a-kind.  So the game
escalates in difficulty.

After the initial meld, you may lay down additional threes-of-a-kind. 
You may also lay down cards that other people have melded--for
instance, if one player melds 7s, any other player may lay down 7s as
long as he has melded himself.

The first player to lay down or discard all of his cards goes out. 
The other players then subtract the point total of cards in their
hands from the total of cards in their melds, and all players score
the cards in their melds.  Winner is the highest score after eight
hands.

The key of the game is not to spend all your money too soon, so you
can leave some to the end.  (The analogy with the human lifespan,
combined with some alcohol, led to the title of the game.)  It is
almost impossible to meld in the final hand without monetary aid(even
though melding in the final hand with no additional cards also allows
you to go out immediately).  On the flip side, spending money and not
being able to meld results in more cards in your hand and more points
being counted against you.  Often, one spends large amounts of money
on, say, two fours-of-a-kind, and then still fails to meld.  If you
have spent at all, it is well to spend until you can meld, even if it
handicaps you for later hands.  It is also not necessary to want the
top discard to buy it, although it does help.

I'll be happy to clarify any part of this description that's unclear. 
I know how it works in my own head, but I have no idea if I've
explained it sufficiently here.

(***) Curling

Excerpted from the 1975 World Book Encyclopedia[with editor's notes]:

  Curling is a game played on a level sheet of ice.  Two four-man
rinks(teams) [I've never heard them called rinks, myself...] compete
on a sheet of ice that is 146 feet(45 meters)long and 14 feet(4.3
meters)wide.  [I doubt that Hawk Hills ice has those exact
proportions, somehow...]  The players slide heavy stones on the ice
toward a round target.  Curling probably began in Scotland and The
Netherlands about 300 years ago.  It has become popular in Canada and
parts of the United States.  A curling tournament is called a
bonspiel.
  The Game usually consists of 10 or 12 ends.  [The Funspiel had 4-end
games, except for the finals, which were 6-enders.]  Each player
slides two stones towards the house(target), a 12-foot(3.7-meter)
circle at the opposite end of the ice, alternating with his opponent
from the other rink.  When all 16 stones have been delivered, an end
has been played.  The stones of one rink that are closer to the
house's center than any stones of the opposing rink score one point
each.  The opposing rink receives no points in that end.  Then the
rinks repeat the process, sliding the stones towards the house at the
other end of the ice.
  Players deliver the stones from a hack(foothold)126 feet(36 meters)
from the center of the house at the opposite end of the ice.  The
42.5-pound(19.3-kilogram)stones used in Canada and the United States
have flat tops and bottoms.  Each stone has a handle on top.
  To deliver the stone, the player puts the ball of his right foot in
the hack, then crouches with his feet together.  The stone rests on
the ice to his right and slightly in front of him.  Grasping the
handle in his right hand, he slides the stone right back, rising as he
does so.  [This is all reversed if you're left-handed, of course.] 
The stone comes up off the ice at the top of his backswing.  Then, as
his arm and the stone swing forward, he turns his arm either in or
out.  This action causes the stone to turn as he releases it, and it
curls(curves)either to the right or left as it slides along.  The game
gets its name from this action.
  The Rink is composed of a lead, a No. 2 player[or second], a No. 3
player[or third], and the skip or captain.  They deliver the stones in
that order.  The leade is usually the least experienced player.  He
delivers first, because it is simpler to deliver when there are no
stones on the ice.  [Of course, being lead requires the skill to get
your stones >in< the house, not short of it or past it--which is caled
drawing.  That can be problematic.  Hitting other stones and taking
them out, you can throw as hard as you want...]
  Before the lead delivers his stones, the skip stations himself in
the house at the opposite end.  He indicates with his broom the spot
at which he wants the ead to aim his stone.  After the lead delivers
his stone, the skip judges its speed.  If he thinks it will fal short
of the target, he shouts a command, "Sweep".  [Or, "Hurry" or "Okay"
or something like that.]  The other two players then run ahead of the
sliding stone, sweeping the ice vigorously.  Sweeping smooths the ice
surface and lessens resistance to the stone.  Curling experts believe
sweeping can add 6 to 10 feet(1.8 to 3 meters)to a delivery.  [And I
believe it, too.]  When the skip wants the sweepers to stop sweeping,
he shouts, "Brooms up."  [Or, "Whoa!" or "Stop!".]  After the lead
delivers his stones, he joins another player in sweeping while his
rinkmates deliver their stones.
  [The house consists of three concentric circles.  The center is
called the button.  The Hog Line is the line past which a stone must
get to be considered in play.  A stone that doesn't reach the Hog
Line, hits the side, or goes over the back line, is out of play.
  When the skip is throwing, the third holds the broom for him, after
advice from the skip as to where the broom should go.  When you're
sweeping, it can be confusing if the skip is telling you to sweep and
the third tells you to stop.  In that case, you listen to the third,
whom the rock is coming toward...
  Positioning the broom involves accounting for how much ice to give
it, which is how much it will curl after delivery.  You rarely assume
it won't curl at all, so often the skip will indicate the real target
of the shot before positioning the broom where you should aim.
  Most curlers wear special shoes, one of which has a slippery bottom
and is called a slider.  When sweeping, you push yourself with your
other foot and rest your weight on your slider.  Strap-on sliders are
also available for those without special shoes.  Myself, I just use
normal boots, which may be why my legs got so tired.
  Traditional curling brooms are standard "corn" or "whisk" brooms,
but more recent ones are "push" brooms which require more of a
scrubbing motion than a sweeping one.  I prefer the push brooms,
myself--less straw on the ice.]


-- 
---Alfvaen(Still looking for "October's Baby")
"Give me your mirth.  It bores me when you weep.                                 My loves you cannot touch.  They're buried deep."  ---Don Marquis
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