From: bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american
Subject: Re: A question of "loyalty" & this marriage thing
Date: 17 Dec 1992 04:27:53 GMT
Organization: U.C. Berkeley, CS Undergraduate Association
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: soda.berkeley.edu
Keywords: asian, american, racism

 In article <1741@rwja.umdnj.edu> jpark@rwja.umdnj.edu (John Park) writes:
 >Just out of curiosity, how many AA's out there have a strong parental
 >pressure to marry asian?
One right here.  Strong Parental pressure to marry a Chinese or Chinese-
American female.  Not only is there a racial preference, but there's also
an age preference.  They would like me to marry someone of around my own
age.  However, these pressures are not obvious, they're not spoken directly.
Nope, my parents are subtle (perhaps all of them are.... dunno, must be
in that guide the hospital give you when the father's waiting outside the
delivery-room: "Everything you'd wanted to know about Parenthood, but 
didn't know how or whom to ask".)

 >to marry within the same culture, ie chinese w/chinese, japanese w/japanese
 >	korean w/korean ?
Most preferrably Chinese (no, make that Cantonese).  But any female of
East Asian (is that the term?) decent is fine.

 >to only date asian?
Yup.

 >what reasons do parents give for their restrictions (if they have one)?
 >	do you think it is racism, or cultural pride, or keeping
 >	tradition alive, or a belief that cross culture marriages
 >	will screw up the children or what??
Funny thing is, my mom always says that children/people of mixed 
heritages(?) are much more attractive (pretty/handsome/etc.etc.etc)
However, they (and I to some extent) just want to keep the tradition
alive, to pass on the Chinese culture.   Nope, don't think cross
cultural marriages will screw up the children.  However, in my 
experience I've seen this happen:
	Father: Speaks Cantonese   Mother: Speaks Mandarin
	Both speaks English.
	Children: so confused about which to speak (same with
		parents actually) they speak English.
Language is a good perpetrator of culture (errr...language helps alot
in handing down tradition/culture).  So, my friends who are in this
or similar situation don't know too much Chinese.   And look, it was
only a dialect difference.... I don't know if it's justified (based
on only a limited amount of data (but hey, everyone justifies with just
a handful sometimes, right?) but I'd say someone of Korean and Chinese
decent might have a much tougher time trying to learn one or both cultures
compared to someone whose parents are both Chinese (and same dialect)
Just my observations, and MHO.
Plus, it depends on the parents, and mostly on the kids.  I've known
kids from a fully Cantonese family reject her heritage/culture/etc.etc.etc
just because (no reason given, probably no reason at all...just a rebel)
Haven't met one the other way yet though.

>If you do go against your parents wishes about marriage, how much do you
>think that they will be hurt or angry or disown you or happy :) ?

Not that far, just won't be estatic.  they'd still be happy for me.
(I hope)


-- 
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*	Billy H. Chan		<bhchan@ocf.berkeley.edu> 	*
*	Lost at Cal!!!   	<bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu>	*
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Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american