X-Envelope-to: politics@OHSTVMA.BITNET
X-VMS-To: IN%"politics@ohstvma.bitnet"
MIME-version: 1.0
Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.politics
Date:         Thu, 30 Jul 1992 15:36:19 -0500
From:         ANTHLAL@UMNACVX.BITNET
Subject:      welcome back my friends to the show that never ends

ahem, ahem....
testing, one, two, three...
is this thing on?

i have here a prepared statement:
i would like to first say that it is certainly a pleasure to see your smiling
cyberfaces again.  helen thomas of the upi, would you please hold your
questions until the end of the conference?  thank you.  in the recent past,
it has become apparent to me that there is a distinct crisis of leadership,
if you will (and even if you won't), facing the list. politics as it heads
into the twenty-first century.  consequently, it has been brought to my
attention that steps have been taken to rectify this situation.  after
careful deliberation, i have determined that it is time to break my
not-quite-self-imposed exile from the shores of the cyberspatial ocean, and
to return to the fray of political discussion.  it has also come to my
attention that my name, and that of the father of my love-child, has been
bandied about as one that might lead us into this new century of bulletin
board discourse.  i would like to state right here and right now that if
nominated, i will not accept and if elected, i will not serve in that capacity.
the purpose of this statement is to declare my formal support for the
johnson/olson ticket.  in addition, i am happy to accept their offer of the
position of press secretary for this campaign.  what does this mean to you,
the consumer?  well, in the first place, LOW LOW prices on the finest in
reconditioned audio-visual equipment.  if nothing else, i know that mr.
johnson is certainly a highly qualified small-electronics repairman (well,
okay, a marginally competent small-electronics repairman).  furthermore,
it is clear to me that in the area of "able to get stuff down off the top
of the refrigerator without having to go get a stepstool", the johnson/
olson ticket simply cannot be surpassed.  their record can speak for itself.

there are those of you who might claim that the little-known minnesota law that
   requires support of candidates with somewhat swedish names is motivating this

endorsement.  to you, i say "ya, youbetcha."  but aside from that, i believe
that this ticket is the only one thusfar proposed that will adequately serve
the greater good of the list.  plus, tim's the only one confident enough,
self-assured enough, *self-absorbed* enough to kinda just say, "well,
you know, what the ***k" and come right out and say that travis is a moron.
i really respect that in a candidate.  oh, come on.  you *know* you were all
thinkin' it.  get real.

johnson and olson look out before them, and see a billion bits of data, shining
   in the night.  plus, tim kinda wants to redeem the family name (andrew,
lyndon, what were ya thinkin'?  hmmm?).  at the same time, i can personally
vouch for the fact that tim will not pick up his dog by the ears (he doesn't
have a dog) or display his appendectomy scars on the net (doesn't have one o'
those either).  now, on to the strength of the vice-presidential (president
o' vice) candidate.  i would wager that gary olson knows enough about lutefisk
to stun an ox, thus saving the rest of us from having to learn anything about
it.  greater love hath no man than this, that he spare the experience of
lutefisk from his friends.  furthermore, he knows a lot of groovy song lyrics,
and will provide hours of entertainment for ages 4-18.  (n.b.:  this should
not be interpreted as an offer of childcare from mr. olson).

and now to what is, perhaps, my most compelling reason for endorsement...
if you don't elect them, they'll get even more bitter and annoying than they
already are.  i mean this.  they aren't kidding.  it won't be a pretty sight.

so, in conclusion...
johnson/olson '92.  they're tall, they're sarcastic, between them they own the
entire jethro tull/blodwyn pig catalogue.  if you elect them, it makes it just
that much more likely that *they* will be the first ones up against the wall
when the revolution comes...and that is something which we'd all benefit from.

and, incidentally, they are the reason i'm back on-line.  (whoops, sorry there
guys.  hope that doesn't lose you too many votes.)

johnson/olson '92.  might as well.

we will now entertain questions from the audience....

                             * * *anneliese lorson, press secretary and official
                                     sponsor of the twenty-fifth olympiad
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU