From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: I'll Call You
Date: 18 Nov 92 17:53:03 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1992Nov17.075958.8851@wixer.cactus.org> guppy@wixer.cactus.org (Jennifer Mery) writes:
[ context deleted, about "let's get together" or "I'll call you"]
>This is the one that gets to me, I guess. The exact wording that it's
>usually given to me is "Let's do something sometime, give me a call." I
>say okay, but really I don't think it's fair that the getting together
>should be left up to me when it was their idea. Am I right? Is there a
>right answer? 
>
That is a new one to me. Asking someone to ask you out always seems
like a bad idea. This happens to me, but in a different way. We get
into a discussion about a date (her idea) and then I can tell by the
way the conversation is going that she expects me to take the
responsibility to invite her to go do whatever she has suggested. I am
not Emily Post, so every time so far, I have played along.

I would prefer if these women would just ask me out.  But, being a man,
I expect women to have reservations about asking me out. It is a
tradition for the man to ask. But in your case, that doesn't apply.

Perhaps there is a tactful way that you could think of to tell them
that if they have an idea for something to do, then they should call
you.

>And what's all this about people wanting to keep in touch, and therefore
>giving me their phone numbers? 
>
If you mean they don't get your phone number, yes. I always give my
phone number (usually on my business card) when I get someone else's.
It is a goodwill gesture which suggests I am not preparing to
disappear.  Also, I think it is practical. If I ask someone out, and
they decide they can't make it, they might not have thought to get my
number and so be unable to contact me.

>                                When I genuinely want to keep in touch
>with someone, I ask for their phone number, not give them mine. Is this
>the beginning of some kind of blame game? "How come you never called?"
>Reminds me of my grandmother (who has my phone number and never calls
>me, either). Well guess what... I never call those people who force
>those phone numbers on me. I guess I'm not a very good friend, or maybe
>we're just not close friends, I dunno. I wish I could explain all this
>better, because I get caught in this situation all the time, and don't
>know what's expected of me. Another friend said on the phone "So you're
>going to give me a call sometime, aren't you?" What could I say? I lied,
>and said I would call, but I'm not interested enough in this person to
>really call. 
>
Again, this does sound wishy-washy. Not only did he ask you to call,
but he did it passively. 

>I'm beginning to think I'm a snob.
>
>jam
>
Well, I don't know about that. People are only human, and if you are
disappointed every time they prove it, you will be disappointed a lot.
As long as someone does not seem a lot more flakey than average, I
usually just keep track mentally of what sort of weakness a person has
shown and try to adapt to them so that I don't get burned by their
problem. I do have some respect for the ones who don't have as many
problems, but there are many other things that make a person likable.

Michael.