From: adem1@cs.aukuni.ac.nz (Adam Edward         Demeter        )
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Getting angstful over women (This is a really nasty story!)
Date: 30 Sep 92 08:09:04 GMT
Organization: Computer Science Dept. University of Auckland


   You may have thought that you had heard the most angst-ridden story about
women that you would ever hear, I am going to do my best to match it because
this ones a real doozy.

   There is a girl i know well and quite closely that i have had no interest
   in till recentley, and its hit me like a ton of bricks. She is (gulp) my
   best friends ex girlfriend who when through a really beautiful thing with
   each other but have both come out of the relationship bitter about each othere
   perhaps because they where too dependent on each other. They, at the moment
   cannot get along with each other because the boy, (lets call him bert) has
   written off the whole relationship, and the girl (lets call her Belle) has
   given up on him almost because of their pigheadedness.

   Its pretty well accepted that she has a few personality problems, like "i'm
   always right" and a superiority complex, as well as an i'm the most experianced
   person in the world at everything." This may be a little harsh, but i just
   recently have become attracted to her in a way i don't really understand.

   Its like since we are really close friends, how would she feel about this
   relationship changing, and if she would want it to change (she is 1 and a
   half years older than me and i am in my late teens.) The relationship we
   have at the moment is a brother-sister which i have been happy with for a
   very long time. Would I lose out if I told her the truth about my feelings
   that i don't truly understand myself? My sister had an encounter a while back
   with her male friends hitting on her and she took it really badly. I wouldn't
   want to lose what i have now, or to even risk it. I don't know how she would
   handle it or if she could handle it. i am fairly sure that she wouldn't stop
   seeing me as a friend because she doesn't back off from anything. I also,
   though don't want her to know about my true feelings for her, for berts
   him very jealous. This is usually enough to put me off her being more trouble
   than its worth. But the way i feel now has changed so perhaps it is now
   more importtant to me to have a closer relationship with her. I have trouble
   concentrating, which is screwing up my academic life. I cannot sleep untill
   i am completely tired out and fall asleep from exhaustion. My biological time
   clock is now screwed up. i feel long bouts of depression and sadness.

      My friends have been really good to me about it helping and all, but all
   they can offer is solace as in "find someone else" or "tlk to her about your
   feelings". In this way, I am not sure how a talk with her would help, as I
   want to just try to get over it before i expose the problem to her, with the
   embarresment that this may cause to her and me.

      Its just that she is REALLY appealing to me and all the bad qualities
      in her personality is now becoming insignificant because i am blinded by
      her good points. I think what i feel towards her may be love but i know
      nothing about relationships so it may just be a crush or whatever. But I
      have known her for a long time.

   the present time. I seriously need help. Just ask if you need more info on
   this....



sigh..
I can recieve email, but i cannot send it,
Yours,
Lonely, confused and lovesick.