From: an2967@anon.penet.fi (Tierney Dhewitrei)
Subject: re: Goin' out
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.transgendered
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 19:28:00 GMT


> I don't expect to be read, however.  The thing is, unless I'm in a
>

I guess this is my problem, I expect to be read.  Just a bad case
of parnoia I guess.  I do a lot of CDing in my car just to get the
rush of 'kinda' being in public.  I use to do it only under cover of
darkness and would shun streets with lights.  I then began to take a
look at other vehicles as they passed and notice a few things.  First
it is difficult if not impossible to see into another vehicle at night
even on a lighted street because of glare and what have you.  Second,
people rarely look at other people in cars, they just look at cars.
I think part of my problem is that I have always been a people watcher
and just assume everyone else is too.  I've come a long way since I
first started to CD in public.  I still dress so that no one can tell
but I have figured out that people just don't look that close.  I
routinely where a 'loaded' bra under a heavy coat in the winter into
and out of local stores.  The bulkiness of the coat hides the breasts,
yet I feel a great rush getting out.

> ...................... I checked the three points of identification:
> hips (a lot of queens don't wear hip padding -- I think it's to do
> with slow-dancing), hands and feet.  Sure enough, the hips were
> nonexistent; and the hands and feet were about one size too big for a
>

Just the things I look for, not really knowing that I should.  I also
look at the neck and adams apple, they can be indicators also.  I read
an interesting article under sci.cognitive on the net one time that
talked about determining a persons sex based on their facial features.
I have, somewhere, the article name.  If I can find it I'll send it to
you.  Based on this article my face is a good candidate for passing.
I have light colored hair, a light beard, high cheek bones and a nose
that is not all to prominent.

> The key for me is making sure that there is no tipoff to make people
> think about my height or my shoe size.  My wig, for instance, can't
> look "wiggy".  All the artificial stuff has to be impeccable.  All the
> inappropriate real stuff has to be right out of sight.  And if
> somebody looks at me head-on and wonders, there's the feminine body
> line from head to toe, right through the groin and everything.  No
> doubts allowed.
>

I've never worn a wig.  I usually curl my existing hair and (maybe I'm
kidding myself) this seems sufficient.  I do feel concerned with the
size of my hands and feet (size 10.5).  I am fortunate to have large
legs and a well established butt.  This doesn't do anything for me
as far as hips go, but in a full skirt I can pass from the side with
the butt I've got :-).  I guess my main concerns with passing are how
I carry myself and voice.  I have 36 years of living as a man to try
and work around.  I have to consciously work at 'presenting' myself
as female.  The voice is another problem, as I am a baritone/tenor,
if I could sing. :-)

> >It's a bit more then smoking.  Smoking is a lot more accepted then
> >cross-dressing,
>
> Not in Toronto.  \8-)

I obviously need to make a trip back to Toronto!

>
> >Well, in the past I
> >have felt that I needed help because I thought I was abnormal.
>
> You say that like it's a bad thing!  \8-)
>

Which are you refering to?  Needing help or feeling abnormal?

>
> Thanks for the cd-forum information.  I'll try to contact them.
>

You are welcome.

>
> Too right.  Who do you promote:  the normal person or the guy who
> wears a dress?  Our survey says...
>

Yeah, the normal person gets promoted and then you find out he's
wanted in another state, but that's still okay!!

> ................... I hate the idea of a Customs Canada inspector seeing that
> sort of thing _and_ a military ID in the same hand; and making trouble
> for me.  So Lynette's clothes generally stay on one side of the border.
>

I lived in Buffalo for 6 years and really never had any concern with the
Custom folks getting too nosey.  I use to go into Canada pretty regularly
and never really was stopped or searched very extensively as far as I
can recall.

>
> >The only times I actually got out of the car
> >was to make some phone calls.  Even then, I didn't get any out of the
> >ordinary looks.  Talk about a rush!
>
> It doesn't even cross peoples' minds.  They look at you and think "woman".

I can't get this into my head.  I always feel like I'm standing out
like a sore thumb.  Not that I don't do a good job of dressing, although
I could use some help in the makeup area.  I do okay, it just takes me
forever.  I feel like there are persons walking around and their only
job in life is to read me. :-)

>
> The first few times I went out I was young and pretty; and the only

So, you are telling me you are no longer young or no longer pretty? :-)
I am no longer young, but I don't consider myself old at 36.  I have
lost my healthier shape and the worst part about that is I have just
enough of a belly that it can cause me problems if I try to pass now.

> .......  Well, somebody with a petition stopped me and asked me to
> sign -- they were trying to get somebody on a ballot, and they were
> looking for registered voters.  Well, instead of telling the guy that
> I was from out of town, and therefore ineligible, I told him
> truthfully that I wasn't eligible to vote.  So there he is, looking
> incredulously at a well-dressed businesswoman obviously in her
> mid-twenties, who is trying to tell him that she is under 18.  "I
> don't believe you," he said frankly.  So I turned up my nose and
> walked away.
>

You have obviously a lot more practice then I have.  I have yet to even
come close to 'confronting' another human being in person.  I am trying
to work towards it though.  As soon as I feel comfortable enough I
thought my first attempt might be through a drive through window of a
fast food restuartant.  At least then, I'm still 'out of reach.'

> Sorry to run off at the mouth like that.  I don't want to sound like
> I'm encouraging you to go out if that's not for you.  After all, why
> go looking for stress? But if you want to do it, then you can.
>

No problem, I tend to run off at the mouth all too often.  Actually,
I am dying to pass in public!!  I wish I could go to the mall and shop.
I just don't think I'm that good at it yet.  The problem is I don't
know anyone I can 'test' myself on.  I plan on contacting a few of
the groups locally that have CD/TV activities and see if I can get
involved enough to get some honest opinions from people that are not
going to crucify me.  I still have to build up my trust in these
organizations.  I have two I want to contact, but haven't yet because
of my concerns with 'being found out.'  It would ruin my life and
career!

> Bye,
>
> Lynette

Well enough of my running off at the mouth.

Hugs
Tierney                        an2967@anon.penet.fi

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