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Date:         Sun, 30 Aug 1992 10:16:00 MST
Reply-To:     STREET CLUB DANCES THE WORLD FROM XANIA <STOKAS@ARIZVMS.BITNET>
From:         STREET CLUB DANCES THE WORLD FROM XANIA <STOKAS@ARIZVMS.BITNET>
Subject:      Anekdota kai oxi mono

Paidia exei mpolika edw pera.
Opoios barietai na ta diabasei as ta afhsei gia argotera.
Merika einai polu kala.



Draft beer, not people
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You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't
pick your friend's nose.
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Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stagecoaches and the like was
popular, there were three people in a stagecoach one day: a true red-
blooded born-and-raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city-slicker from
back East, and a beautiful and well-endowed Texas lady.  The city-
slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said,
"Lady, I'll give you $10 for a blow job."  The Texas gentleman looked
appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city-slicker on the
spot.  The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah
honor!"  Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor,
hell!!  No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of women in Texas!!"
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Achilles' Biological Findings:
        (1)  If a child looks like his father, that's heredity.  If he
             looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
        (2)  A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first
             -- the chicken or the egg.  It was undoubtedly the rooster.
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Q: What's Jewish foreplay?
A: Two hours of begging.
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"Under capitalism, man exploits man.  Under Communism, it's just the
opposite."
                -- John Kenneth Galbraith
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A person who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely
called a liberal.
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Opinions are like assholes -- everyone's got one, but nobody wants to
look at the other guy's.
                -- Hal Hickman

There's more than one way to skin a cat:
        Way number 32 -- Wrap it around a lonely frat man's pecker.
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A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere,
is having fun.
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"Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash."
                -- Bo Diddley
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Remember when you were a kid and the boys didn't like the girls?  Only
sissies liked girls?  What I'm trying to tell you is that nothing's
changed.  You think boys grow out of not liking girls, but we don't
grow out of it.  We just grow horny.  That's the problem.  We mix up
liking pussy for liking girls.  Believe me, one couldn't have less to
do with the other.
                -- Jules Feiffer
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Q: If Tarzan was Jewish, and Jane was a princess, what would Cheetah
   be?
A: A fur coat.
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There's more than one way to skin a cat:
        Way number 27 -- Use an electric sander.
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The difference between this school and a cactus plant is that the
cactus has the pricks on the outside.
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Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians and eyebrows.
Democrats raise Airedales, kids and taxes.

Democrats eat the fish they catch.
Republicans hang them on the wall.

Republican boys date Democratic girls.  They plan to marry Republican
girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first.

Democrats make up plans and then do something else.
Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.

Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in the USA.
The remainder is thrown out.

Republicans sleep in twin beds -- some even in separate rooms.
That is why there are more Democrats.
                -- The Official Rules, as compiled by Paul Dickson
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You have just returned from a trip to Green Bay, Wisconsin in January
and tell your boss that nobody but whores and football players live
there.  He mentions that his wife is from Green Bay.  You:

(a)  Pretend you are suffering from amnesia and don't remember your
     name.

(b)  Ask what position she played.

(c)  Ask if she is still working the streets.
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Aide to Raygun:  Sir, the poor are outside protesting your budget cuts.
Raygun himself:  Tell them they'll have to help themselves.
Aide to Raygun:  Sir, the Pentagon wants another $30 billion.
Raygun himself:  Tell them to help themselves.
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A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never
learned to walk.
                -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Clarke's Third Law:
        Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
        magic.

G's Third Law:
        In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe
        is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.

H's Dictum:
        There is no magic ...
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Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None.  The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
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There's more than one way to skin a cat:
        Way number 15 -- Krazy Glue and a toothbrush.
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He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own
hands.
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A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for
the first time.
                -- Alfred E. Wiggam
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Anxiety, n.:
        The first time you can't do it a second time.

Panic, n.:
        The second time you can't do it the first time.
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If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody
in the whole wide world, don't trust him.  It means he experiments.
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Living in Hollywood is like living in a bowl of granola.  What ain't
fruits and nuts is flakes.
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They [District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there
are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity:

(1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and
    confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a pile and hold
    a press conference where you announce that they have a street value
    of $850 million.  These raids never fail, because ALL high schools,
    including brand-new, never-used ones, have at least 53 marijuana
    cigarettes in the lockers.  As far as anyone can tell, the locker
    factory puts them there.
(2) Raid an "adult book store" and hold a press conference where you
    announce you are charging the owner with 850 counts of being a
    piece of human sleaze.  This also never fails, because you always
    get a conviction.  A juror at a pornography trial is not about to
    state for the record that he finds nothing obscene about a movie
    where actors engage in sexual activities with live snakes and a
    fire extinguisher.  He is going to convict the bookstore owner, and
    vote for the death penalty just to make sure nobody gets the wrong
    impression.
                -- Dave Barry...
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Q: How do you tell if an Elephant has been making love in your
   backyard?
A: If all your trashcan liners are missing ...
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        Here is the problem: for many years, the Supreme Court wrestled
with the issue of pornography, until finally Associate Justice John
Paul Stevens came up with the famous quotation about how he couldn't
define pornography, but he knew it when he saw it.  So for a while, the
court's policy was to have all the suspected pornography trucked to
Justice Stevens' house, where he would look it over.  "Nope, this isn't
it," he'd say.  "Bring some more."  This went on until one morning when
his housekeeper found him trapped in the recreation room under an
enormous mound of rubberized implements, and the court had to issue a
ruling stating that it didn't know what the hell pornography was except
that it was illegal and everybody should stop badgering the court about
it because the court was going to take a nap.
                -- Dave Barry...
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Andreas Stokas
Ante kai kalh Kuriakh.
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU