HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: mol@jyu.fi (Mika O. Latokartano)
Subject: The Italian Who Went to Detroit
Organization: University of Jyvaskyla, Finland
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 10:54:44 GMT

  This following story is NOT posted in the intent of offending Italians,
  or anyone else.
  Take it purely as humor, and enjoy!

  The story contains words that some people might find offensive.  
  For your convenience, a chance to hit 'n' now.



		The Italian Who Went to Detroit
		(Must be read with an Italian accent)


	One day ima gonna to bigga hotel.
	Inna morning ima gonna down to breakfast.
	I tella waitress, I wanna two pises toast.
	She bring me only one piss.
	I tella her, I wanna two piss.
	She say go to the toilet.
	I say you no understand.
	I wanna two piss onna my plate.
	She say, you better no piss onna plate, sonna bitch.
	Later I go out to eata at the bigga restaurante.
	The waitress bringa ma spoon, ma knife, but no fock.
	I tella her I wanna fock.
	She tella me, everybody wanna fock.
	I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on the table.
	She say, you better no fock onna table, you sonna bitch.
	So I go to ma room inna hotel and there is no shits onna ma bed.
	I calla the manager and tella him I wanna shit.
	He tella me to go to da toilet.
	I say, you no understand, I wanna shit on da bed.
	He say you better no shit onna bed, you sonna bitch.
	I go to check out and the man atta desk say peace to you.
	I say, piss on you too, you sonna bitch.
	I gonna go back to Italia.

-------------------------------------------------


[  Mika O. Latokartano	   |    "They say the sea is cold, but the sea  ]
[  Internet : mol@jyu.fi   |     contains the hottest blood of all."    ]
[  mol@vipunen.hut.fi      |     Whales Weep Not!  -D.H.  Lawrence      ]
-- 
[  Mika O. Latokartano	   |    "They say the sea is cold, but the sea  ]
[  Internet : mol@jyu.fi   |     contains the hottest blood of all."    ]
[  mol@vipunen.hut.fi      |     Whales Weep Not!  -D.H.  Lawrence      ]
Xref: sparky rec.humor:31034 alt.folklore.computers:15075
From: okes@essex.ac.uk (Oke S)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Date: 10 Oct 92 12:44:56 GMT
	<1992Oct8.103215.23012@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au>
	<f24-T+#@engin.umich.edu> <1992Oct8.173208.13667@cs.uow.edu.au>
Organization: Department of Computer Science, University of Essex, UK.
In-reply-to: u9147063@cs.uow.edu.au's message of 8 Oct 92 17:32:08 GMT

In article <1992Oct8.173208.13667@cs.uow.edu.au> u9147063@cs.uow.edu.au (Richard Barry Ling) writes:

|>01011001 01100101 01110011 00101100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100
|>00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01101000 01100001
|>01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01101001 01110100
|>01100011 01101000 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01100001 00100000
|>01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01110010 01111001
|>01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110010
|>01100101 01101101 01100101 01101101 01100010 01100101 01110010 00100000
|>01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000
|>01000001 01010011 01000011 01001001 01001001 00100000 01100011 01101111
|>01100100 01100101 01110011 00100001 00100001 00100000 00111010 00101101
|>00101001 00001010 !!

|>ObJoke:

|>01010111 01101000 01111001 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01100100
|>01101111 01100111 01110011 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100011 01101011
|>00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101001 01110010 00100000 01100100
|>01101001 01100011 01101011 01110011 00111111 00001010 01000010 01100101
|>01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000
|>01100101 01111001 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00101110 00001010

|>________________________________
|>Richard.  u9147063@cs.uow.edu.au
|>#include <standard_disclaimer.h>

And I wrote:

#include <stdio.h>

main(argc, argv)
int argc; char **argv;
{
    FILE *fp;
    char c, bc;
    int flag=0;

    if(!(fp=fopen(argv[1], "r"))) {
	exit(0);
    }

    while((c=fgetc(fp))!=EOF) {
	if((c=='0')||(c=='1')) {
	    if(flag==0) {
		flag=1;
		bc=c-'0';
	    }
	    else {
		bc=(bc<<1)+(c-'0');
	    }
	}
	else {
	    if(flag==1) {
		putc(bc, stdout);
		flag=0;
	    }
	    else {
		putc(c, stdout);
	    }
	}
    }
    fclose(fp);
}

Run this with the name of the file containing the included article if you want
to read a really appalling joke.

--
This signature is copyright 12/6/1992 Simon Oke. All rights reserved. If you
like it and keep a copy for your own use, you owe me $20. Please pass it on
to your friends with all documentation.              Email okes@essex.ac.uk.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Live long and prosper.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: st1ns@rosie.uh.edu (Ault, Russell W.)
Subject: Re: Software Engineers
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: University of Houston
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 00:22:00 GMT

In article <28653@nntp_server.ems.cdc.com>, you@ems.cdc.com writes...
>In article <1992Oct6.233540.25301@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au>, brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (David Bromage) writes:
>|> Neil W. Van Dyke (neil@cadreor.cadre.com) wrote:
>|> : I just saw the following subject line in "misc.jobs.offered":
>|> : 
>|> :     Subject: Software Engineer Wanted for Medical Research
>|> : 
>|> : Sounds like it's only a short-term position... :-)
>|> : 
>|> What is a software engineer? A programmer on overtime?
>|> 
> 
>It's a programmer with a new title for MORE money!!  B-)

More often it's a management type with two CompSci courses who thinks he
can tell real programmers how to write code in half the time with twice the 
documentation and half the bugs.  Usually, he's right....because the code
does one tenth of what it could have if there hadn't been a Software
Engineer (with a degree in Poli Sci, minor in English) in charge of the
project.
From: kdq@quest.UUCP (Kevin D. Quitt)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Airplane! script
Date: 8 Oct 92 20:58:00 GMT
Reply-To: srhqla!quest!kdq
Organization: Job quest  (805) 251-8210,  So Cal: (800) 400-8210

> Would somebody just post the damn thing so all these net.neophytes will
> stop posting "Me To" to the net.  

No, don't just post it.  Large parts of the USENET are connected at
2400bps and are paying toll charges.  (Sorry, it's no joke)


 _
Kevin D. Quitt                                 Job Quest (805) 251-8210
srhqla!quest!kdq                               Learn How to Get a Job in SoCal

                96.37% of all statistics are made up.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: chorley@vms.ocom.okstate.edu
Subject: Re: re:how they do it?
Organization: OSU College of Osteopathic Medicine
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 18:49:33 GMT

In article <1992Oct13.152312.7893@ringer.cs.utsa.edu>, jbuckner@lonestar.utsa.edu (James A. Buckner) writes:
> In article <1992Oct13.143359.18844@welchgate.welch.jhu.edu> davidk@welch.jhu.edu writes:
>>In article 190390002@hpubvwa.nsr.hp.com, guyh@hpubvwa.nsr.hp.com (Guy Hyde) writes:
>>>    In a previous article, g90c5787@giraffe.ru.ac.za (MS S WILSON-CROSS) says:
>>>
>>>    >Drama students do it with an audience.
>>>    >
>>>    >Computer Science students do it with hard drives.
>>>    >
>>>    >
>>>    >Cooks do it with grease and a lot of heat...
>>>
>>>    Mechanical Engineers do it with fluid dynamics ...
>>
>>Medievalists do it with fake, fluffy weapons.
>>
>>
> Divers do it deeper.
> 
	>> Hewlett-Packard users do it with reverse -polish logic.
	>> Macintosh users do it, which is quite a scary thought.
From: gundlach@helena.stat.uga.edu (Gundlach Family account)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: .sig file
Date: 13 Oct 92 23:18:44 GMT
Organization: UGA Statistics Department

%_| >Hi. This is not really an r.h matter, but I'll post it here anyway since this
%_| >is where I am having th problem.  The net seems to to cut off the last 2 lines
%_| >of my .sig file. It should be this:
%_| > [9 line sig]
%_| >The net is cutting of my last 2 lines. Anyone have any suggestions?
%_|
Well, if your sig. is only
'[9 line sig]'
then the reason is probably because your  sig. is only 1 line long!
                                                  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Amazing, isn't it? You know, I think I'll make my .sig that too. 




--
[4 line sig]
    


-- 
-8^)  Mike
Mike Gundlach                 /  "We are such stuff as 
Home Phone: 1 404 887 7834    /  dreams are made of."
gundlach@helena.stat.uga.edu. /  Prospero, The Tempest
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: larry@st-andy.uucp (Larry Martell)
Subject: WANTED: Halloween costume ideas
Organization: RMJ Securities Corp.
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 12:37:16 GMT

OK, it's that time again. Everyone post their funny, original, bizzar, etc.
Halloween costumes.

Here's my favorite:

Carry around a box of breakfast cereal with a knife stuck into it.
You will be ...

... a serial killer.
-- 
Larry Martell                  "Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one, 
212-668-9478		        but nobody wants to look at the other guys"
uunet!st-andy!larry
From: veen2976@mach1.wlu.ca (veenstra christopher)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED: Hacker Test
Date: 12 Oct 92 21:24:28 GMT
Article-I.D.: mach1.Bw124t.2w3
Organization: Wilfrid Laurier University

In article <1992Oct12.015113.13474@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu> dlfrost@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu writes:
>	Can someone please email me a copy of the Hacker Test.  The floppy
>gremlin has stolen my copy of it.  Thanks,
>
>
>
Me too! Me too!

Thanks,

Chris Veenstra
veen2976@mach1.wlu.ca

.sig under construction
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: carr@fog.cs.odu.edu (M Eric Carr)
Subject: Re: ftp site found
Organization: Old Dominion University, Norfolk, Va
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 18:20:52 GMT

In article <6061@ucsbcsl.ucsb.edu> harley@engrhub.ucsb.edu (Hahn) writes:
>
>What's the difference between Al Gore and Pinnochio?
>(1) Pinnochio's nose grows when he tells a lie.
>(2) Pinnochio is more relaxed when he speaks.
>

What's the difference between Dan Quayle and Pinnochio?
(1) Pinnochio is, of course, at least twice as bright!
(2) Pinnochio's nose grows when he tells a lie.
(3) Pinnochio never had to play defense when debating,
(4) Pinnochio is more relaxed than Quayle, as well.

What's the difference between Perot's veep and Pinnochio?
(1) Gepetto **made** Pinnochio, he didn't buy him.
(2) Pinnochio's more **animated** when he speaks.
(3) Pinnochio was shorter than Gepetto.

What's the funniest joke of all?
	Politicians -- ALL OF 'EM!




-- 

					Eric Carr
				-- The Cyber Linguist --
From: daz@hal.gnu.ai.mit.edu (David A. Z.)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: 10,000 QUESTION PURITY TEST--PLEASE READ !!!!!
Date: 14 Oct 92 02:46:34 GMT
Organization: /etc/organization

In article <1992Oct6.181428.18653@menudo.uh.edu> cosc184z@menudo.uh.edu ((COSC148O) 92F00761) writes:
>Talk about wasting bandwidth.... I think it would be better to POST the thing
>than to have 1084894672874984 maniacs asking for Purity Test to be e-mailed
>to them.
>
>BTW, e-mail me a copy to (100,000 or 10,000 or 4728476236327 verison!)
>
	I think your thinking of the 472847645 question test.
Unfortinately you'll have to get it from someone else.   I actually had
over half of it typed in, but then my machine crashed and I forgot to
do periodical saves.   :(
From: mei172@cch.coventry.ac.uk (guru)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED -- list of DYSLEXIC JOKES
Date: 12 Oct 92 16:44:44 GMT
Organization: Coventry University

In article <40y7RB3w165w@netlink.cts.com> tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry) writes:
>I ma TON lysdetic!
>
guru sez:
	ron em!
-- 
      /~~~) /   / /~~~) /   /  
     (___/ (___/ /     (___/   These mind-expanding drugs have given me so much
        /                      imagination, I'm hallucinating grey vividly....
   (___/ mei172@cch.cov.ac.uk                       Victor Lewis-Smith
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: aphelps@vicstoy.UUCP (Austin Phelps)
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Organization: vicstoy: Public Access Unix, Orlando, FL
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 06:37:55 GMT

In article <183820@pyramid.pyramid.com> lstowell@pyrnova.pyramid.com (Lon Stowell) writes:
>In article <10559@uqcspe.cs.uq.oz.au> grue@cs.uq.oz.au writes:
>>pjordan@rp.CSIRO.AU (Patrick Jordan) writes:
>>
>>>No, REAL men reject keyboards and just use a soldering iron and wire cutters.
>>
>>What are wire cutters for?
>>
>>
>    o Trimming your fingernails
>
>    o Removing nose hair
>
>    o Quick haircuts
>
>    o Trimming rosebushes (seriously that's what they sell for
>    this.)
>
>    o Impromptu vasectomies for hackers messing with your files.

     o Cleaning each ear after six months :)

-- 
  Austin Phelps - aphelps@vicstoy.oau.org - austin.phelps@oau.org
           UUCP - {peora,ge-dab,tous,tarpit}!bilver!vicstoy!aphelps
                - vicstoy Public Access Unix, Orlando FL
                - (407)299-3661  1200/2400/9600 V.32  24 hours  8N1
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 14:33:08 EDT
From: <JAC150@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: PURITY TEST: SCORING

      I recently took the 1000 question purity test, and recieved a score of
 750-yes  250-no. What does this mean.  How does this rate in comparison to
 others.
Just curious.........
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: kak6279@ultb.isc.rit.edu (K.A. Kirchoff)
Subject: These damn purity tests!!!  AUGGGG! 
Originator: kak6279@ultb
Organization: Rochester Institute of Technology
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 1992 00:03:41 GMT

I think I've realized something here... 
Usenet isn't becoming obsolete for the amount of traffic on it...
  It's just that the purity test is getting longer all the time, and
more and more geeks want it!!!

>>>>>>>>Send it to me too, please!
>>>>>>>I'd go with a sheep for the 40,000,000,000 question test!
>>>>>>If you sent me the test you'd never have to hear from me agin! I'd
>>>>>>be too busy reading it.  And I'd probably lose my account for
wasting all that paper!!!
>>>>>I got %100!  Beat that!!!!!
											FireMAN
From: chic@chopin.udel.edu (Robert L Chiccarine)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Death Sentence
Date: 14 Oct 92 20:53:21 GMT
Article-I.D.: news.Bw4q0x.LC6
Organization: University of Delaware


  The following is a death sentence imposed by a Federal District 
  Judge in the Territory of New Mexico in 1881.


       "Jose Manuel Miguel Xaviar Gonzales, in a few short weeks it will
  be Spring. The snows of Winter will flee away, and the air will become
  soft and balmy. In short, Jose Manuel Miguel Xaviar Gonzales, the annual
  miracle of the years will awaken and come to pass, but you won't be there.

       "The rivulet will run its searing course to the sea, the timid desert
  flowers will put forth their tender shoots, the glorious valleys of this
  imperial domain will blossom as the rose. Still, you won't be there to 
  see.

       "From ever treetop some wildwoods songster will carol his mating
  song, butterflies will sport in the sunshine, the busy bee will hum happy
  as it pursues its accustom vocation, the gentle breeze will tease the
  tassels of the wild grasses, and all nature, Jose Manuel Miguel Xaviar
  Gonzales, will be glad, but you. You won't be there to enjoy it because
  I command the sheriff, or some other officers of the country to lead you 
  out to some remote spot, swing you by the neck from the notting bough of
  some sturdy oak, and let you hang until you are dead.

       "And then, Jose Manuel Miguel Xaviar Gonzales, I further command that
  such officer or officers retire quickly from your dangling corpse, that
  vultures may descend from the heavens upon your filthy body untill nothing
  shall remain but bare, bleached bones of a cold-blooded, copper-colored,
  bloode-thirsty, throat-cutting, chili-eating, sheep-herding, murdering son-
  of-a-bitch."
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mzabel@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Mark A Zabel)
Subject: Re: re: how they do it?
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 01:34:30 GMT

In article <190390002@hpubvwa.nsr.hp.com> guyh@hpubvwa.nsr.hp.com (Guy Hyde) wr
ites:
>    In a previous article, g90c5787@giraffe.ru.ac.za (MS S WILSON-CROSS) says:
>
>    >Drama students do it with an audience.
>    >
>    >Computer Science students do it with hard drives.
>    >
>    >
>    >Cooks do it with grease and a lot of heat...
>
>    Mechanical Engineers do it with fluid dynamics ...

     Chicken farmers do it with their, uh, um ... uh forget it ...
From: ae642@yfn.ysu.edu (Kelley Miller)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: re:how they do it?
Date: 11 Oct 92 18:40:43 GMT
Article-I.D.: news.1992Oct11.184043.5320
Reply-To: ae642@yfn.ysu.edu (Kelley Miller)
Organization: St. Elizabeth Hospital, Youngstown, OH


In a previous article, g90c5787@giraffe.ru.ac.za (MS S WILSON-CROSS) says:

>Drama students do it with an audience.
>
>Computer Science students do it with hard drives.
>

Cooks do it with grease and a lot of heat...
-- 
*...your Friendly Neighborhood Atheist  //  Newsflash from the Vatican: *
*      the KelleyMan:Kelley L. Miller  //  "Easter has been cancelled...*    
*                  ae642@yfn.ysu.edu  //  Someone found the body...."   *
****************Know God...No peace.  No God...Know peace.***************
From: Sammy@btnbbs.UUCP (Sammy)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Smilies :)
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 92 10:34:16 +06
Organization: btnbbs - Stow, Ohio  (216)688-3894

 JMF> Real Men dont use smilies...
 JMF> * FLAME *

 JMF> MZZZZ
 JMF> MZZ
 JMF> MZZ
 JMF> Pz

And real men have .sigs.  :)

--  
----------------------------
Coming right outta:

btnbbs!sammy@aldhfn.akron.oh.us
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jbuckner@lonestar.utsa.edu (James A. Buckner)
Subject: Re: HUMOR
Organization: University of Texas at San Antonio
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 20:52:15 GMT

Here are some more Clinton jokes:

Well, just a thought.

You know, it would be a peachy keen idea for someone to paste the heads of
Bill, Hillary, Al, and Tipper on a porno movie, and doing around the world
several times.

The movie would be called "The Great 'Ol Party"

The repub's talk about the grand old party, but these guys would go at it
24 hours a day.

Why does Hillary have a big mouth?
She likes to bl** whales.

Why does hillary have a grimace on her face?
Bill forgot to take the di*** out.

Why did Bill use the di***?
Because Hillary bit it off!

Why did Gennifer Flowers leave Bill and talked?
Bill had NOTHING to give her!

About the porno film,
                       Slick Willie bl*** the country.

And a Perot Joke:
                  Doesn't Perot look like Radar 30 years later?

And another Clinton joke:

Hillary isn't just butt ugly, she's up-butt ugly!

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: davidk@welch.jhu.edu (David Kitaguchi)
Subject: Re: Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Reply-To: davidk@welch.jhu.edu
Organization: Welch Medical Library
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 14:25:07 GMT

Well while traveling south on 95 towards 495 west, (in Maryland) there is a sign
which states:  Right Two Lanes End.  On this road there are only two lanes.  In 
actuallity they merge but you can't tell that until you are committed to the road.

can't afford a .sig
-= David =-
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: cdavies@NetConnect.NET (Charlie Davies)
Subject: Wanted: jokes for an (almost) 10 year old.
Summary: kid jokes
Organization: Single Source Network Systems, Inc.
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 05:15:14 GMT


  Does anyone know any good jokes for me?  And my father would like some
too.  I like blonde jokes and the frog in the blender joke.  I also like
riddles.

ERIC.JOKE.MASTER
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: sl313028@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Jon Marcus Madison)
Subject: Re: cascades, and how to avoid them purple
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 17:24:33 GMT

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>s7356911@deimos.ucc.umass.edu (DYLYN) writes:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Avoid cascades -- end all your lines with ``purple''!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>"Bug" won't rhyme, but do you think "burp"'ll?
>>>>>>>>>>>>Cant find a rhyme, why not ask Steve Urkle?
>>>>>>>>>>>And get him to sing the Yankee Doodle!
>>>>>>>>>>gotta say finding a rhyme is a battle!
>>>>>>>>>And take the choicest cuts of cattle!
>>>>>>>> In your car blast Heavy Metal
>>>>>>>First, I got a score to settle $
>>>>>>Since when does "settle" rhyme with "purple"?
>>>>Does purple rhyme with apple?
>>>>What about apple and settle?
>>>Does anyone have an orange?
>>What rhymes with orange?
>Door hinge!
Keep this up, I'll be on a cascade binge

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: aphelps@vicstoy.UUCP (Austin Phelps)
Subject: Re: 10,000 QUESTION PURITY TEST--PLEASE READ !!!!!
Organization: vicstoy: Public Access Unix, Orlando, FL
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 06:24:02 GMT

In article <1992Oct6.181428.18653@menudo.uh.edu> cosc184z@menudo.uh.edu ((COSC148O) 92F00761) writes:
>Talk about wasting bandwidth.... I think it would be better to POST the thing
>than to have 1084894672874984 maniacs asking for Purity Test to be e-mailed
>to them.
>
>BTW, e-mail me a copy to (100,000 or 10,000 or 4728476236327 verison!)
>
>:-)
>

How about creating a new news group called rec.purity-test.request <g>

-- 
  Austin Phelps - aphelps@vicstoy.oau.org - austin.phelps@oau.org
           UUCP - {peora,ge-dab,tous,tarpit}!bilver!vicstoy!aphelps
                - vicstoy Public Access Unix, Orlando FL
                - (407)299-3661  1200/2400/9600 V.32  24 hours  8N1
From: fsmgs@camelot.acf-lab.alaska.edu (Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage])
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: ANSWERING fucking MACHINES
Date: 17 Oct 92 02:32:44 GMT
Article-I.D.: raven.1992Oct17.023244.24946
Organization: University of Alaska Computer Network

Dave Bushong writes
> spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia) writes:
> 
> 
> >So I ring up this guy I know because he's selling his car and my one's so  
old
> >the  St  Christopher  badge  is autographed, and I get one of those  
answering
> 
> > [*Wicked* funny answering machine story follows...]
> 
> This may get my vote for "best of the month."
> 
> 
> Dave
>  
> -- 
> Dave Bushong, Wang Laboratories, Inc.
> Project Leader, OCR products            Amateur Radio Callsign KZ1O
> Internet: dbushong@wang.com

Agreed.  Great bit.
From: john.fix@hardgood.com (John Fix) 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: RE: MILITARY HUMOR
Date: 12 Oct 92 12:05:00 GMT
Distribution: world
Organization: Hardgoods East BBS - Eastchester, NY (914) 961-8749
Reply-To: john.fix@hardgood.com (John Fix) 

TO: excalibr@camelot.bradley.edu



-> >In the military, the newbies are often asked to go get things that
-> >don't exist.  Then they go to the S-4 and ask for it and the S-4
-> screams >at them for wasting his time.  This is called fun.
-> >Anywayz, I'm looking for others to add to my list:

This was a big joke at scout camp years ago.  A few of the other items
were...

        Skyhook
        Key to the flagpole
        Left handed monkey wrench


                                  -= John =-
            
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rlosey@sdf.lonestar.org (Richard Losey)
Subject: Re: Election Jokes
Organization: Best lil' ol' Pubnix in Texas
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 21:38:04 GMT

In article <8OCT199217554039@deimos.ucc.umass.edu> s7356911@deimos.ucc.umass.edu (DYLYN) writes:
>	Actually, your act of casting a vote may be the biggest joke of all.
>Ya see, the president is NOT chosen through popular vote.  The electoral 
>college chooses him (gender-specific pronoun intended);  the make-up of the
>electors is determined by the percentage of the population that participates
>in the presidential primaries.  Ever hear of President Dewey? Me neither.  
>Dewey ran against Truman and won according to the popular vote;  Truman
>won according to the electoral vote.

Let's not let this error continue... The vote DOES matter.  Each state has a
given number of electors.  Whichever candidate wins that state wins ALL the
electors from that state.  Thus, it is possible for a candidate to win more
votes, but lose the election.