HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: srscnslt@telesciences.com (SRS Consultant)
Subject: Re: Dealing with toots
Organization: TeleSciences CO Systems, Inc.
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 19:29:47 GMT

In article <1992Dec17.081028.27533@unlv.edu> john@little-jimmy.cs.unlv.edu (John Kilburg) writes:
>A friend in high school showed me a little trick which we called
>a 'Fart Cup':
>
>When you are about to fart, cup your hand over your asshole and hold it
>there until the farting is over.  Quickly close you hand.  Now place
>it over someone's nose.  The results speak for themselves.
>
>							-john
>
>p.s. It really works.  Even on yourself.



	Sorry, John.

	Entries for 1993's Most Cretinous College Pukes Sweepstakes aren't valid
	unless received after January 15.  Try to control yourself until then.

	Better yet, die immediately.
-- 
Mitch Gorman		srscnslt@telesciences.com	emrys@cellar.org
"You can tell he's doing well by the look in inhuman eyes,
	Better not compromise -
		It won't be easy!"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.butt.harp,rec.arts.movies,alt.cult-movies
From: richh@netcom.com (richh)
Subject: FAT GUY GOES NUTZOID
Followup-To: rec.arts.movies
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 23:59:15 GMT

Roger Ebert, in this month's issue of Byte, has an article on the
last page.  In it, he explains how he and some others at a
conference watched a commercial of a man running. Afterwards, they
were all told that the commercial was entirely generated by a
computer.  They were all flabbergasted.  To convey this feeling of
surprise, Roger pulls out a simile that is, as one would expect,
related to the movies.

There are three pathetic mistakes in his simile:

When we were told the truth I felt a little like Harrison Ford does
when he discovers Rachel Ward is a fabricant.

And no, the third one isn't "there are only two mistakes.

RICHH
--and what a great villain that Ron Howard is.
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Crow of Desperation)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Hell of a way to go
Date: 25 Dec 1992 09:04:05 GMT
Organization: The Church of Pat
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <josh.725218144@pogo> josh@cqs.washington.edu (Josh Hayes) writes:
*grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Crow of Desperation) writes:
*>Most
*>likely they would start doing about 5 million "Hair Marys" night and day.
*
*I gots to know. What's a hair mary? Some new drink sensation?
*These kids today....I just dunno...

HAIL Mary.  It was six in the morning when I wrote that.


Mark "Grumble...details" Lippert
From: crisper@deeptht.armory.com (Crisper Than Thou)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: short shamefully squished tadpoles
Date: 28 Dec 92 08:29:52 GMT
Organization: The Armory, Santa Cruz

In article <1992Dec15.151108.20973@spectrum.xerox.com> eradm@wbst845e.xerox.com writes:
>Once, as a child, I scooped up the fattest tadpoles I could find in the local brook. I squished them under my thumb so I could watch the entrails squirt out. 
I recently learned that Jeffery Dahmer had done the same kind of thing when he 
was young.
>---

Yes, as I understand it, systematic abuse of animals while young is an early
 symptom of potentially psychotic behaviour later in life, or something like
 that. Many of our most prolific murderers spent their childhoods setting
 cats on fire, killing dogs with bricks and then keeping the bodies in their
 secret clubhouse, etc.

So remember: When you are someday arrested on suspicion of multiple murders,
 deny that you abused animals as a child. "Yes, officer, I understand my
 rights, and I never abused animals as a kid, okay?" That's all you have to
 do.

	--The Elder Dan
	with another handy legal tip for you!
From: zgilbert@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Zvi Gilbert)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Rictus Hep visits a pub
Date: 30 Dec 92 16:47:05 GMT
Organization: crystallized time

gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) writes:
>"Pint of Burnt Norton, please."

"... and I'll have the Plowman's lunch.  The Piers Plowman's lunch."

--Zvi
zgilbert@titan.ucc.umass.edu
"Taoists in the rain get very wet and never arrive where they want to go."
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aldavi01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu (Arlie Davis)
Subject: Who says you can't have fun in Kentucky??
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 20:16:21 GMT
Reply-To: Arlie Davis <aldavi01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu>
Organization: University of Louisville


[Real, live story.  Enjoy.]


	Reports of a `man-ape' lead police to mud-covered man living in woods
	---------------------------------------------------------------------

	Associated Press

  OWENSBORO, KY -- A man authorities said is a former Louisville police officer
was taken to a hospital for psychiatric evaluation after he was found covered
with mud and manure in a wooded area near Horse Branch, police said.
  The 37-year-old man was admitted to the psychiatric unit at Owensboro-Daviess
County Hospital on Friday, said David Osborne, Daviess County sheriff's deputy.
He said the man was a Louisville police officer from 1973 to 1978, although
that could not be confirmed with the Louisville police last night.
  Osborne said the man was found about seven miles southeast of Horse Branch on
Friday by two Ohio County sheriff's deputies after a couple reported that a
"man-ape" had tried to get into their car.
  Osborne said the man was naked except for a large rubber band around his
waist.  A comb was stuck to the rubber band, he said, and a bone was tied in
his medium-length hair.
  The man was caked in a paste mad from mud and manure, Osborne said, and
leaves covered his sex organs.  He was unarmed and did not resist the officers.
  "It's definitely the strangest thing that I've ever run across in the seven
years that I've been here," Osborne said.
  The man, who was found near a pile of animal bones, told police he had buried
his belongings and was collecting fossils, Osborne said.
  "He talked to us.  It didn't make a lot of sense ... but he talked to us."
  The man told police he had been in and out of Veterans' Administration
hospitals, and officials believe he is a Vietnam veteran, Osborne said.
Osborne said the man told him he had covered himself in manure and mud to repel
insects.
  Police could not determine how long he had been living in the woods, Osborne
said, but he told authorities he had previously been living with someone in
Owensboro.
  Osborne said police had no reports that the man had harmed anyone, but had
had two reports on July 2 of a large, hairy animal spotted walking upright in
Daviess County.  The frightened callers said the animal had stopped in the road
in front of the cars and yelled.
  "The reports were from two different people.  Three in one car and two in
another.  They didn't know each other," he said.



-- 
lrwx------   1 aldavi01 emacsstu       9 Jun  6 12:43 .signature -> /dev/null
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aaron@atlantis.uucp
Subject: Re: Short shameful confession
Organization: Atlantis Communications, Edmonton, AB, Canada
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 02:57:04 GMT

Arthur Delano (ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu) wrote:

: i prefer the word 'perspex' to the word 'plexiglass'.

: the former is much less descriptive, yet somehow
: more evocative.

Besides, "Plexiglass Island" just isn't as good of an album title.

-- 
---Alfvaen(Still looking for "October's Baby")
"Give me your mirth.  It bores me when you weep.                                 My loves you cannot touch.  They're buried deep."  ---Don Marquis
Current Album--Talking Heads:True Stories
Current Read--Tesseracts4
From: mha1@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (MICHAEL H. ALAIMO)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short, shameful confession
Date: 23 Dec 92 21:04:59 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <schnitzi.725044278@eola.cs.ucf.edu>, schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schni
tzius) writes:
>When I was little, I thought the "No Sales To Minors"
>sign on the cigarette machines was actually talking
>about miners, who weren't allowed to smoke because of
>all the explosive gas down in the mines.

Funny, when I was a youngn' I misread the "Unlawful To Pass When Loading Or
Unloading" sign on school busses as "awful" to pass...
Even then it struck me funny that they would state something about the
rectitude of the act rather than directly stating the rule/regulation.







-
-- 

--
Mike Alaimo       |      "An' what are yer scientists these days
Dept. Chemistry   |       but a bunch o' undersexed communistic
Leehi U.          |       heaps o' shit with teeth?"
Purloined .sig:   |          -Ma Orviston-  "The River Why"
From: cj@eno.esd.sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: i'm back!
Date: 2 Jan 93 03:49:42 GMT
Reply-To: cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Organization: SGI TechPubs

---
ropehead@pixar.com (Ropehead) writes:
|that's correct...i am back for a very limited time (lucky you).

You've been gone so long I've forgotten your name.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: woman on church steps
From: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)
Organization: The Man With Ten Cats
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 04:15:48 GMT
Reply-To: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)

In article <1hlnvjINNm5o@agate.berkeley.edu> asun@biocon.Berkeley.EDU writes:
>cold plastic comforts her arms.
>a crinolated shawl restrains her hair.
>eyes dim, she watches a crack wind itself sinuously across the
>pavement. it disappears into whiteness.
>
>``i am the candidate. i am the chosen few.''
>
>she holds a gardenia, unpotted and bare.
>carefully, she wraps its naked form in bright red linens.
>
>``for the forgotten ones. for the multitudes.''
>
>her body creaks as she covers herself in turquoise, magenta, and blue.
>
>kneeling, she picks up a coin from the ground, tosses it in the air,
>and walks across the crystalline snow. her feet tread lightly upon the
>earth.


And just when I was wondering where asun went.......

-- 

Rick Kelly	rmk@rmkhome.UUCP	merk!rmkhome!rmk	rmk@frog.UUCP
From: lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: why I moved to DC
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 92 15:58:38 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)

: "the man, who calls himself 'Tabatha' and is known for aggressive panhandling
: and cross-dressing, sometimes in a white dress with a Davy Crockett cap atop 
a
: white turban..." apparently locked himself out of the first Caddy and wrecked
: the second.

for handy tips and hints on Aggressive Crossdressing [tm]
call gooley@netcom.com

no, really
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
| lord snooty @the giant |  inceptus clamor frustratur hiantes             |
| poisoned electric head |              andrew_-_palfreyman@cup.portal.com |
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: what i want for xmas
Date: 26 Dec 1992 21:06:10 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc4.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, L.H.Wood@lut.ac.uk () says:

>>Why do people say war is good for the economy?
>
>Because the losers have their industries trashed and rebuilt with up-to-date
>manufacturing techniques. Because 'the war effort' is a productivity boost.
>Because 'basic research' is funded extensively. Because......

If war's good economic policy, then why do people
say they want peace?


-- 
=======================
"Endeavor to persevere"
=======================
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: orc@vpnet.chi.il.us (david parsons)
Subject: Re: cd wars resumption
Keywords: dicksize, cds, qoolness
Organization: Department of Atomic Text Units
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 23:30:19 GMT

In article <1992Dec22.041004.2980@wam.umd.edu> kimy@wam.umd.edu (Yong-Mi Kim) writes:
[describes one heap of CDs]

   Hmm.  My main collection of CDs has polymorphed into a
collection of 200 or so polycarbonate rats, which, after chewing
out the eyes and genitals of the volunteer relocation committee
that liberated them, have taken up residence in the chicago sewer
system and are, at this very moment, plotting ways to eat through
all of the fibre-optic cables in downtown chicago.

   The secondary collection is much more dull, since they're all
silver-plated disks, and almost *everybody has that sort of CD.

                 ____
   david parsons \bi/ "Mind you, it makes it hard to actually *listen
                  \/   to them, but at least they're unique..."
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: re.humor."funny" (was: Salesman of the Month)
Date: 21 Dec 92 14:05:38 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: William's Wonderful Wonky Widget Warehouse


In article <S4c6.6ae@looking.on.ca> sbeitzel@netcom.com (Stephen
Beitzel) writes:

#  I just got back from the aquarium supply store up the street.  [...]
#  
#  "Can I help you?"
#  
#  "Hi, yes, I need a water pump, one that will pump from 3 to 4 hundred
#  gallons per hour."
#  
#  In salesperson school, I am certain that they teach you that the correct
#  response to this question is, "Why, certainly, here's this $4,000.00
#  Super Deluxe Sucker 5GX (tm)." Apparently this guy had missed that part,
#  or he just did the take-home version of the test because his response
#  was:
#  
#  "What for?"
#  
#  Ever the helpful patron, I replied, "I want to pump water around in a
#  tank."
#  
#  And he accused *me* of being a smartass.  :}

HAW! HAW!! HAW!!! I DON'T GEDDIT!!
MADDI HAUSMANN THINKS THIS CRAP IS FUNNY!!$!!
AND STEPHEN BEITZEL THINKS THIS CRAP IS FUNNY!!$!!
HAW! HAW!! HAW!!!
MADDI HAUSMANN AND STEPHEN BEITZEL SHOULD GO AND JUMP IN A VOLCANO!!!&!@!
AFTER MUCH STUDY AND HARD WORK, 
HERE IS MY IMPROVED VERSION OF THEIR JOKE.

I just got back from the supermarket up the street.  When I went in, one
of the assistants asked me:

"Can I help you?"

"Hi, yes, I need a pound of potatoes, please."

In salesperson school, I am certain that they teach you that the correct
response to this question is, "Why, certainly, here's this $4,000.00
Super Deluxe Potatoe (tm)." Apparently this assistant had missed that
part, or she just did the take-home version of the test because her
response was:

"What for?"

Ever the helpful patron, I replied, "I want to mash them and eat them
with roast beef and Yorkshire pudding."

And she accused *me* of being a smartass.  :}

HAW! HAW!! HAW!!
A JOKE ABOUT A POTATOE!!!%#!!



-- 
Son, all the pretty, intelligent,      || Ken Johnson                           healthy young women are taken.         || A I Applications Institute
It's a basic rule of the universe,     || 80 South Bridge                       and if you don't like it,              || Edinburgh,  Scotland   EH1 1HN
go somewhere else.                     || Phone 031-650 2756   Fax 031-650 6513
               -- my dad  1906-1992    || E-mail ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short, shameful confession
From: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)
Organization: The Man With Ten Cats
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1992 01:52:52 GMT
Reply-To: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)

In article <1haghpINNq3o@terminator.rs.itd.umich.edu> ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano) writes:
>i am going to drink an entire quart of
>store-bought eggnog today.

You should at least dump a pint of whisky into it.

-- 

Rick Kelly	rmk@rmkhome.UUCP	merk!rmkhome!rmk	rmk@frog.UUCP
From: ilana@kiowa.scd.ucar.edu (Ilana)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Land of the free
Date: 30 Dec 92 23:02:31 GMT
Organization: NCAR/UCAR

On Sunday I was skiing at Purgatory, which is a ski area near Durango,
which is near my in-laws' ranch.  Beautiful scenery, tolerable crowds
(although with a distinct Texas accent), decent snow.

The names of the runs, at least on the older part of the ski area,
follow the theme:  Cherub, Paradise, Hades, Styx.  I was pretty sure
that last year I'd skiied a great bump run called 666, but I couldn't
find it on the map.

"Oh, yes," drawled the woman on the chairlift, "they changed that one
this year.  It's called No Mercy now.  I heard they got some objections
from a Christian group.  Number of the devil, and all that."

Ah, Colorado.

-- 
/\    "I'm only a human girl person.  I ain't always perfect."--Rambling Rose
  \_][ <--NCAR Ilana Stern dod#009 r.b. cliff swallow ilana@ncar.ucar.edu    
      \______________________________________________________________________
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.butt.harp
From: ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra)
Subject: Re: ANYONE LOOKS GOOD IN JEANS
Followup-To: alt.butt.harp
Organization: t.b
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 21:01:02 GMT

richh@netcom.com (richh) writes:
> 
> I look *tough* in jeans.

     Well I'd never worn them before, but just
last night I did for the first time, and I found
out that I look *like the kind of guy who needs
to have his ass fondled* in Dockers.

--Starcap'n Ra       {ames,gatech,husc6,rutgers}!ncar!noao!asuvax!kennedy
                        {allegra,decvax,ihnp4,oddjob}--^
                                          ^---------------The Wrong Choice
                             internet: kennedy@asuvax.asu.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton)
Subject: SimEarth
Organization: t.b, t.p.d, & a.d
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 23:54:12 GMT

Since everyone seems to be raving about SimLife, I will just
put in one good suggestion for SimEarth:

Have you ever tried nuking a nanotech city?  Try it.  It might
take a couple tries on different cities to work.

Eat your heart out, John Sladek.

  -- Clifton

--
cliftonr@netcom.com     Home: +1 808 521 9073  Work: +1 808 625 3234
Clifton Royston, Pope of the Church of the Subgenius in Paradise
"Have a revelation, the first one's free/Soon to be addicted to eternity" - HMR
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: larryh@fawlty.lmc.com (Larry Huntley)
Subject: Re: less than perfect
Organization: Logic Modeling Corporation, Beaverton OR
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 22:20:10 GMT

In article <8987@dirac.physics.purdue.edu> sho@bohr.physics.purdue.edu (Sho Kuwamoto) writes:
>In article <BzMBBE.263@tegra.com> vail@tegra.com (Johnathan Vail) writes:
>>sho@bohr.physics.purdue.edu (Sho Kuwamoto) writes:
>>   From interviews, it also appears that Ms. Crawford has a
>>   "brain the size of a dried pea," to quote a favorite movie
>>   of mine.
>>
>>Well, as luck would have it I was just reading one of those model
>>magazines (while on the lifecycle, of course) and they had an article
>>about how smart models really are.  Cindy excelled at math and science
>>and was a chemical major before her modeling career took off.
>
>Whether or not Ms. Crawford was, um..., a "chemical" major,
>I'm going to stick by my characterization of Ms. Crawford as
>a legume-head.  Watching her reading cue cards in this
>vauge, bizarre way while placing stress on the wrong symbols
>(sometimes completely changing the meaning of sentences)
>provides evidence enough, I'm afraid, "those model
>magazines" not withstanding.
>
>>The bottom line wether you like it or not is that her pert breasts are
>>making more money than you and your melon sized brain ever will.
>
>Gosh... You know, that *is* the bottom line.  Thanks for
>setting me straight, Mr. Vail!
>
    We could put this whole thread to bed if we just reviewed a taping of
    Christie Brinkley's appearance on Arsenio Hall about a month ago.
    Ms. Brinkley made the word "vapid" come to life, so to speak.  Whether
    or not they're making bags of money has nothing to do with them being
    legume-heads.  The old saw "If you're so smart, why ain't you rich?"
    may apply here.

    And yes, they're lovely to look at.

    - Larry Huntley
-- 
         (larryh@lmc.com)         | I'm going to the love-in to sit
     Logic Modeling Corporation   |    and play my bongos in the dirt.
          Beaverton,  OR          |        - "Flower Punk", Frank Zappa
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Re: Short shameful Xmas confession
Originator: jcarroll@ferris
Organization: Beautiful Bellevue Association
Distribution: talk
Date: 29 Dec 92 18:47:36 CST


In article <1992Dec28.145508.24354@samba.oit.unc.edu>, Blair.Haworth@launchpad.unc.edu (Blair Haworth) writes:
> In article <1992Dec28.074154.19461@emr1.emr.ca> taylor@ccrs.emr.ca (Trevor Taylor) writes:
> >In article <schnitzi.725395405@eola.cs.ucf.edu> schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius) writes:
> >>When I was home for the holidays, my dad was drinking 'Black Label
> >>Non-Alcoholic Malt Beverage'.  I am disowning him.
> >
> >What the hell is 'black label'...... no booze beverage
> >
> >We have Black Label beer on Johnny Walker Black label,
> >but both these are full of alcohol
>  
> Down here, the otherwise-estimable G. Heileman Brewing Co. has recently
> started selling a deballed version of Black Label "Canadian Style [I hope
> they don't consider calling it that an act of war]" Beer, one of my four
> major food groups in college, when it cost about six and a half bucks a
> case. 

"Otherwise-estimable", my ass. The only part of that operation that's
"estimable" is the marketing department, which succeeds at selling that
sorry offal they call "Old Style" at half the taverns and all the carryouts
in Chicago, at non-cheap-beer prices.

Then there's that brand they call "Special Export", which used to come in
bottles that looked like Molson Golden, and sold at Molsonesque prices.
Tasted like Molson too. The difference is that Molson sits in a 150-degree
warehouse for several weeks before (or after) it crosses the border, acquiring
that distinctive skunky flavor, and Heileman Special Export has it from day
one.

Of course, if I lived in North Carolina, I probably wouldn't know what beer
tastes like either.

DISCLAIMER: I have no actual knowledge of how the hell Molson gets that
godawful taste. All I know is that it's there.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gaillard@panix.com (Ed Gaillard)
Subject: underneath a sky that's ever falling down
Keywords: story
Organization: Radio Free Hades
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1993 22:11:41 GMT

To tame the wild water -- that had been his dream since childhood.  He
had been a city boy, but evenings in front of the TV watching
National Geographic specials about white-water rafting had shaped the
desire of his soul.

So, as a young man, he set out on the great rivers of the West in his
kayak, capturing wild water, bringing it back to his ranch in Wyoming,
and there -- taming it.  To support himself, he took his trained
waters on tour with the Ringling Brothers Circus, where he was made to
perform in a side ring, while the lion tamer held the center and
acrobats swayed overhead.  He thought bitterly that they were fools,
the circus management and the audience, fools not to recognize his
achievement in forcing the raw power of rushing rivers to his will.
The driving force of floods, the sheer violence that could slice
channels through living rock and wear down mountains, was his to
command, but the public cared more for the antics of some overgrown
cats.

Though he never reached the fame he felt he deserved, he performed
with the circus for many years, putting his tamed waters through their
paces.  They jumped and danced and eroded hoops, their whitecaps proud
under the spotlights of the Big Tent.

It paid the bills for his ranch.  And every off-season, there was
another river, waiting for his discipline and love.

As he aged, he slowed down.  He was progressively less able to keep up
with the wild young rivers that had been his passion, and eventually
had to give up on taming new waters.  He was able to keep up his
circus act for a while with his old companions, but they, too, were
slowing down, torrents and rapids turning to gentle meanders.

They grew old, he and his water, and slow; but not feeble.  After he
retired from the circus, he moved to the Midwest, where he and his
faithful streams spend their leisure changing the course of the
Mississippi.  Today, he enjoys moving and forming islands, and gets a
special pleasure from causing border disputes between states.  He just
keeps rolling along.

-ed g.
<gaillard@panix.com>
I talk to myself, but I don't listen.