From: ha09+@andrew.cmu.edu (Harith Jameel Alkhafiz)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc,alt.comics.lnh
Subject: LNH:  The Comics Connecion, Part V (Finale)
Date: 17 Nov 92 17:15:34 GMT
Article-I.D.: andrew.Mf2PJK600iUyM8w5wl
Organization: Carnegie Mellon Action Project, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA


    "Continuity Champ!" a voice spoke into Continuity Champ's mind.
    "Damn!" Continuity Champ muttered.  "I hate when people speak into
my mind."
    "Sorry about that," the voice apologized vocally.  "Anyway, your
power is needed to battle a menace to the network!"
    Continuity Champ was skeptical.  "My friends are in danger.  Do you
have proof?"
    "I fear that I do not," the voice replied sadly.  "But the danger is
great, indeed-"
    "Save it," Continuity Champ said.  "I never liked being pushed
around by strange beings.  Now that I have my bearings, I'm out of here.
 The rest of my friends must be around here somewhere."  With that,
Continuity Champ took off in search of his allies.
    "Hmm," the voice began, taking on a more sinister tone.  "He is
strong, indeed, but he can be taken.  He _will_ be taken."

    "I, Manga Man, have been placed on guard duty?!" Manga Man said to
himself, indignant.  "Slayer of the foolish American net.hero, consigned
to marching around Harras' headquarters!"  A tremendous "boom" rocked
the landscape, knocking Manga Man prone.  When he returned to his feet,
Kid Kirby stood before him, and Kid Kirby's fury was apparent.
    "You have dared to slay one of my friends in the LNH!" he cried. 
"Now, foolish mortal cur, prepare to face my wrath!"  His eyes crackled
with energy that spiraled down his outstretched arms and sparked around
his fists.
    "Perhaps I shall send you to join her, foolish one!  No one throws
energy better than Manga Man!"
    "Than I'll beat you at your own game!"  Kid Kirby jumped at Manga
Man with a flying kick that Manga Man easily blocked.  "I have the
skills of Ranma Saotome!" Kid Kirby declared as he landed.
    "Then I'll just have to become more skilled than you," Manga Man
shouted, becoming Ryouga Hibiki.  Suddenly, he was doused by cold water.
 He immediately shrunk to the form of a small, black pig standing in
front of Sing Along Lass.  Sing Along Lass dropped the bucket that she
was holding and admired her Kirby-esque costume.
    "This is great," she said, smiling.  "It makes me want to sing!"
    "Ima donata wa baka?" Kid Kirby spat at the pig he was holding in
one hand, an ionic blade pointed at the pig's snout.  "Boku?  Ie!"
    "What?" Sing Along Lass asked, confused.
    "Huh?  Oh, I forgot the subtitles again.  Sorry.  I said, 'Now who's
a fool?  Me?  No!"
    "Oh, okay.  Now what do we do?"
    Kid Kirby slapped a porcine incarcerator around Manga Pig, and said,
"Now, we go and hurt someone."

    "How're my prisoners doing today?" Plotchopper asked as he strode
into the prisoner's chamber.  "Soon, none of your current plots will
ever be resolved, because you'll all be dead!"  He laughed maniacally
until he noticed that none of the prisoners were in their cells.
    "Back in my day, villains never left the heroes unguarded.  The
heroes always had to trick the guard into doing something stupid," Old
Comics Man said.  Browsing Boy, Halls Jordan, Mainstream Man,
Marvel_Zombie Lad, Lost Cause Boy, Obscure Trivia Lad, Doctor Stomper,
and Rebel Yell stood behind him in various heroic poses, suitable for a
splash page.
    "Guess what happens now," Doctor Stopmer said.
    "I know what happens, now, fools!  Ultimate Ninja, attack!" 
Ultimate Ninja sprang into the room, hands full of Ninja Bush.
    "I must destroy you," Ultimate Ninja declared.  He raised his hands
to throw the deadly Ninja Bush.  Mainstream Man and Marvel_Zombie Lad
screamed, for they knew the power of ninja.  Suddenly, Ultimate Ninja
was cut down by a hail of bullets.
    "War Journal Entry 56," Cliche Dude spoke from behind a realistic,
smoking gun.  "I decided, despite what all my years of combat training
told me, to rescue the goody-goodies.  And they send a ninja after me. 
Dark 'n' Gritty beats ninjas every time!"
    "Cliche Dude!" Halls Jordan exclaimed.
    "Cliche Dude is dead!" Cliche Dude declared.  "Only the Annihilator
remains!"
    "We don't have time for this!" Lost Cause Boy exclaimed angrily. 
"Panta's still unconscious, and she might be dying!  I managed to use
the Anodyne powers from the X-Men Alpha Flight Limited Series to stop
her bleeding, but I'm not powerful enough to heal her!  Harras is gonna
pay, and he's gonna pay now!"
    "Come to me, then, little net.hero!" Harras shouted as he, Fanboy
King, and Dyslexia appeared.  "Come to me to die!"
    "NO!"  Lost Cause Boy sent every comic in his satchel flying at
Harras as ludicrous speed as he tapped into reserves of power that he
never knew he had.  Every comic simply bounced harmlessly off of Harras.
    "Now, fool, feel an Editor's wrath!"  Harras fired twin bolts of
editing at Lost Cause Boy, whose eyes were so filled with tears of
frustration that he didn't see them coming.  In the proverbial nick of
time, Continuity Champ burst through the wall and intercepted the deadly
energy.  Thrown back, but unharmed, Continuity Champ spoke.
    "See if you can find a way out of here!" he shouted.  "I'll keep
Harras busy!"  He fired crimson bolts of his own at the Editor, who was
thrown off of his feet.  "And find Comics-Snob-Boy!  I remember that he
came here with us!"  The others ran from the room, trampling Fanboy King
and Dyslexia in the process.
    "Obscure Trivia Lad recognizes you!" Obscure Trivia Lad shouted,
pointing at the figure who stood before the running net.heroes. 
"You're-"
    "Comics-Snob-Boy, yes," Comics-Snob-Boy replied.  "And this type of
exposition is just the type of thing that I'm trying to get rid of."
    "What do you mean?" Rebel Yell asked.
    "I'm sorry," Comics-Snob-Boy said to the group.  "I really am." 
Dark lightning crackled from Comics-Snob-Boy into the others, causing
them to writhe in pain.  Cliche Dude instantly reverted to his normal
form as his essence was inverted.
    "Obscure...Trivia Lad...smash!" Obscure Triva Lad declared painfully
as he extended a liquid metal arm weakly.
    "I don't think so.  This really is for the better.  You'll be better
people for it."
    "Who're...you trying...to...convince?" Rebel Yell asked as he slowly
crawled toward Comics-Snob-Boy.  The others were unconscious or very
nearly so.  "Look...at...what...you're...doing!"
    "I know what I'm doing.  I'm saving the world!"

    "What's wrong, Kid?!" Sing Along Lass asked the prone and obviously
in agony Kid Kirby.
    "This energy," Kid Kirby said weakly.  "It's pure comics energy!  I
haven't seen it in months, since r.a.c ceased to be!  It's incapacitated
me, Lass!  Only the Power Kirby keeps me conscious, and it won't do that
for very long!  I'm storing up this energy so that you can use it to get
home."
    "Me?  But-but I just sing!  I can't crosspost!"
    "Yes, you can!  You were brought here when my dimensional device
exploded.  The residual energy from that, coupled with the energy I'm
storing, will-"  Kid Kirby's explanation was interrupted by a wracking
cough.  He wiped the blood from his mouthpiece.  "will let you crosspost
back to alt.comics.lnh!"
    "It's killing you!" Sing Along Lass protested.  "I won't let you do it!"
    "I'm the only one who can store up enough of this energy for you to
channel!  Now, let me concentrate."  Kid Kirby fell silent, and Sing
Along Lass stood silent vigil, as he had not so long ago.

    Pain.  It was rare in Continuity Champ's life, but here it was. 
Fortunately, he had the power to do something about it.
    "Harras!" he shouted over the crackle of the dark lightning.  "This
is not your doing!  We have a common foe!"
    "You net.heroes have a penchant for noticing the glaringly obvious!"
Harras said through gritted teeth.
    "We must join forces to strike him down!"
    "Never!"
    "Stop posturing and listen!  Can't you feel your very essence, your
comic book power, being warped?  If it's powerful enough to affect
beings as powerful as us, imagine what it's doing to the others!"
    "I care not for mere lackeys!"
    "What happens when he's through with you, then?  You'll be reduced
to editting magazines, or newspapers!"
    "Never!  All right.  As much as it goes against my nature, I'll help
you.  But after this-"
    "We're enemies!  I know, I know!  Let's just go take this bozo
down!"  Continuity Champ and Harras flew out of the room into the
corridor, where they saw Comics-Snob-Boy standing over the fallen
net.heroes, his eyes black as dead monitors.  Dark energies poured forth
from his fingertips into the fallen net.heroes and into Harras and
Continuity Champ.  His voice was a bad sound card.
    "You will fall before me!" he hissed.
    "Harras falls before no one!" Harras declared as he attemped to edit
Comics-Snob-Boy out of existance with a bolt of impossibly powerful
energy bolstered by Continuity Champ's own energy blasts. 
Comics-Snob-Boy simply fell as though his spine had been removed.
    "Fools," the dark storm spat.  "You cannot defeat me!"  It lashed
out at Continuity Champ and Harras, sending them reeling.  "I am comic
book power incarnate!"
    "He dares to use lines like that against Harras, the Editor?!"
Harras asked, indignant.  "He's mine, up close and personal!"  Harras
lept into the storm, despite Continuity Champ's shouted protest.
    Harras was held immobile in the center of the darkness.
    "So, you wish to see me 'up close and personal', eh?" the storm
sneered.  "I grant you a boon, then.  Behold me, and despair.  Gaze upon
me, and weep.  Feel my power, and be ever changed!"  Harras screamed at
the sight, screamed a scream like nothing Continuity Champ had ever
heard.  Then, Harras, pale as ash, was flung against a wall, senseless.
    "So dark," he muttered weakly.  "So angry...we
should...have...known-"  He passed swiftly into unconsciousness.
    "And, now, for you, my 'omnipotent' friend," the darkness said to
Continuity Champ.  "You shall have a taste of true power!"
    "No!" Comics-Snob-Boy's androgynous friend cried in protest.  "This
isn't what we wanted!  This is wrong!"  He/she was joined by the others,
who prepared to stop the darkness.
    "Die," the dark storm spat, and they did.  Continuity Champ steeled
himself for the final assault.  He wouldn't go down without a hell of a
fight.  The storm rushed toward him, and he prepared to meet its charge
with power, head-on.

    "That has to be enough!" Sing Along Lass said, standing over the
comatose Kid Kirby.  "But, how will I find the others?  I know!  I'll
just bring along everything that doesn't belong in this place!  Even
that nasty Manga Man, I suppose.  He doesn't deserve to be left here. 
Now!"  The transfer was instantaneous, and everyone found themselves
where they had been before anything had occurred.  Thinking quickly,
Sing Along Lass hit the general alert button on the wall...

    "Let me up!" Rebel Yell ordered from his bed in the nearly full
Medi-Center.  "I have a traitor to deal with!"  He strained toward the
unconscious Kid Kirby, whose armor's self repair systems were strained
to capacity fixing him.
    "No!" Sing Along Lass protested.  "Kid Kirby's not a traitor!  He
risked his life so that we could all escape that awful place!  I saw how
much he was drained after making that second boom tube!  Something's
wrong with your mind, but the auto-doc'll fix you up good as new!"
    "No," Rebel Yell protested weakly as the anesthetic took effect.
    "I checked the clocks," Continuity Champ told Sing Along Lass.  "No
time passed while we were in that...place.  We're in trouble."
    "But we won, didn't we?  We're alive!"
    "No.  We didn't win.  We _escaped_.  And just barely."
    "That place reminded me of a sad house after all of the children
have gone."
    "Well, we're going to have to keep a eye out for that 'sad house',
because one slip could easily destroy us all.  There's a storm coming
over the horizon, and we have to be ready for it."

    In the dark ruin of r.a.c., R.A.C.lipso sat, infuriated.
    "They escaped!  My initial plan failed, and I haven't the resources
to pull them back here again!  But I have plans, oh, yes, I have plans! 
I shall pick them off, one by one, and they shall be mine!  Even the
mighty Continuity Champ shall become one with me!  The games shall begin
soon, very soon..."

Jameel
Physicist-At-Large

P.S.  This takes place wherever it's convinient to fit it into current
(11/17/92) storylines, but after Seize Perilous and Electrocutioner's
Song.  Lost Cause Boy and Panta had Spider-Man's Disease :-)

P.P.S.  To the recent Kid Kirby cameo:  great job, I loved it!
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc