From: lindercs@HYDRA.ROSE-HULMAN.EDU (Galadin (Craig Linderoth))
Subject: Bear's story
Reply-To: lindercs@HYDRA.ROSE-HULMAN.EDU
Organization: Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 21:50:57 GMT

	Galadin is sitting and enjoying the food, drink, and company when Bear
starts playing the piano.  Also, being interested in the keyboard, he is always
willing to listen to someone playing.  This draws his attention, but it is kept
due to the story.  "Wow, Bear, I didn't know anyone could have a childhood that
was so like mine.  There are differences, but basically I went through the same
thing due to the same reasons."  With that, Galadin starts to explain.
	"Sorry, I don't use X-Windows so you have to listen to me talk, I hope
that that is okay.  Well, anyway, noone on here has seen me, but let me start
off by saying that I am 6 feet 8 inches tall.  This didn't happen to me all at
once either.  Ever since I can remember, I was always the tallest kid in my
class.  When I was 10 years old, my parents couldn't convince the movie
theaters that I was under twelve for the kids price.  Anyway, as Bear has said,
children are not the nicest of people.  During the later years of elementary
school, I was also found to be fairly intelligent."
	Galadin always hates saying stuff like this, so bear with him if he
starts to ramble.  "Anyway, my intelligence along with my size weren't working
against me.  On top of that, I lived in a very puritanical Upstate New York
town.  This may not sound so bad, except that my father at the time was really
my stepfather.  And, my mom and dad were never married.  Needless to say, I was
what you would call a bastard. (I have no problems with it, but other people
did, and I thought that stuff was only in books by Nathaniel Hawthorne.)  So,
these kids seemed that it would be a good idea to show off by putting me down. 
At first, it was just words, now I am not downplaying the effects of these
words, but I did try to understand that they were only words.  It was after
this didn't work anymore that they tried to use humiliation.  In their eyes,
some of the biggest ways to humiliate somebody was by having someone smaller
beat them up.  The thing here is that if the smaller person beat the bigger one
up, then the big guy, me, was a wimp and a girly.  But, if I beat up the
smaller person, then I was a bully and couldn't pick on one my own size.  This
was the no win situation."
	Galadin looks at Mike, "Mike, give me something strong, I know, 2
tequila shooters please."  With that, Galadin lays down 2 bills, sprinkles the
salt on his hand, holds the shot glass, and the lime.  He then licks the salt,
shoots and sucks.  He repeats this.  "Thanks, I needed that for this next part. 
This may help you all to understand my feelings on death to.  Anyway, this kid
I knew, let's call him Ron, decided to do try to beat me up.  The worst part
was that before this, we use to play football and stuff together. One day, in
the rec yard, I was just walking around when he comes up behind me and starts
throwing punches.  This guy did learn to fight, and they did hurt.  I tried to
walk away and ignore it, pretending like it didn't phaze me, but this did not
stop him."  Galadin starts to choke on his words here.  There also seems to be
a glaze in his eyes.  "This is where I lose some people, but to me what I did
was totally unforgiveable.  Anyway, Ron got one good hit in on my chin.  This
did bring tears to my eyes and started a horrible rage inside of me.  My vision
turned red, actions slowed down around me, I could feel adrenaline kick in and
I lost control of all rational thought except as far as it pertained to
violence.  There was nothing Ron could do at this point, I vented all of my
fury at anger at him through my fists.  As I said, I was a tall kid, not
especially large, but I did have more mass behind me.  I don't know where I
learned to fight like that, but it all came out.  There was a flurry of fists
on the rec yard, and then one kid down on the ground.  Even after I got him
down, I couldn't stop there.  I had lost total control and still had this red
haze over my eyes.  Seeing Ron on the ground, I started kicking him.  As I
said, I did play a lot of football, and went cycling every weekend for about 50
miles so I had some highly developed legs.  When a teacher finally pulled me
away, Ron was just laying on the ground crying and twitching."
	Galadin takes a deep breath.  "I didn't see Ron after that, his parents
decided to pull him out, but I did hear what I had done to him.  To a kid, the
list of injury's didn't mean as much as the fact that he was in the hospital
for a week and almost died.  After that day, I had decided that I was not going
to lose control.  This of course meant that I also could not fight since there
was no middle ground.  Well, the harrassment stopped for a while, then slowly
built up again.  Only this time it included things about my fight with Ron. 
This always hurt me so bad that I would always break down, more fuel to their
fire.  It then led to more fights, but these were always one sided and I would
always go home hurt.  My step-father couldn't understand why I would let these
people beat up on me and yelled at me continously.  Yet, how is a 11 year old
suppose to tell his dad that he can't fight for fear of hurting someone or
losing control, especially when said dad is an ex-marine."
	"As I moved farther along in life, people always found me an easy
target.  In 8th grade, I hung out with friends who watched a lot of wrestling,
and needless to say, we imitated it.  I learned how to handle myself in a
wrestling match and to control my anger during one.  I also started to learn
control grips, like pressure points.  This way, I could try to stop someone
without actually hurtin them.  The only problem with this is that I still have
not learned how to forget what happened and I am always scared of it happening
again.  Since I have not shrunk, and have gotten a little more muscle, I have
trouble anymore walking through certain neighborhoods.  Not that I am afraid of
getting hurt, but knowing that I can not let my rage go.  This is a major part
of the reason why, when people hang out with me, they always wonder how come I
am always so happy and have a smile on my face.  How am I to explain to them
that by trying to be happy is the only way I can make sure I don't lose myself
again.  Well, I think I have talked for long enough."
	Mike, give me a mead, and whatever Bear wants.  Galadin collects the
drinks, walks over to the piano and hands Bear his.  "I know you didn't want
any sympathy Bear, but I hope that empathy is okay."  Galadin gives Bear a hug,
"OH, and thanks for your post, I would probably have never said this if it had
not been for you."  He then drinks his mead, walks over to the chalk line, and
fires the glass into the flames.  "To attentive ears, how medicinal they be."
With that, Galadin walks back out to the picnic so that he can get his smile
back and forget for a while again what had happened.


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*Craig Linderoth                * Reality is for People who Lack Imagination.*
*Lindercs@Rosevc.rose-hulman.edu*   The Callahanian Protector of People from *
*ChemEng, Rose-Hulman           *    Outrageous Pun Throwers    SPLAT :)     *
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