HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rickg@netcom.com (Rick Gordon)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: John Philip Sousa and the Wrath of God
Date: 14 Sep 92 21:04:50 GMT
Followup-To: alt.peeves
Organization: Netcom - SF Bay, Cal Northifornia


It has happened again.

The attentive reader will remember my tale of woe from July about a
concert rendered less than stellar owing to the self-inflicted hand
mutilation suffered by the leader of the trumpet section, causing
him to inform me, hours before the downbeat, that he wouldn't be
able to play the performance in question.  Last Saturday, as part
of the Bay Area's official Bill Berbenich Appreciation Weekend,
we scheduled an outdoor concert for 6PM.  A large Peevetown
delegation was expected to attend the concert, then repair to Buck's
down the road a piece, for beer, food, and gratuitous invective.

I had made the call for 5:30, giving us time to warm up, tune, and
generally prepare ourselves to play a 90-minute program.  By 5:40
all hands are present, with two exceptions.  One trumpet player
(no, not that one, another one), one saxophonist (who was scheduled
to conduct one of the pieces, as well).  I wasn't worried, having
worked with musicians (yes, and with drummers, too) long enough to
know how the concept of time dilation appeals to them in ways
unimagined by Eistein.

At 5:50 we leave the music building and mosey over to the stage,
roughly 100 meters distant.  The two have still not arrived, and
the first twinges of anxiety begin massaging my basal ganglia.

At 6, the appointed time: still two short.  Well, there's nothing for
it but to start anyway.  As I scan the group the trumpet section
catches my eye.  They look unhappy.  When I ask what's the trouble,
they tell me: Dan's got the trumpet music.

I don't have to explain who Dan is, do I?

Remember Babs telling us about those machines that stress rock samples
in a graduated, predictable way until they shatter the rock?  The
stress on my brain had been similarly ratcheted higher and higher by
the afternoon's events, so that at that moment I was facing an
impatient audience who were already wondering why we hadn't started
already, a trumpet section which hadn't memorized *any* of the pieces
on the program, and the rest of the group, most of whom were at that
instant revising their assessment of trumpet players as a race, and not
in a positive direction.

What followed is a hazy blur in my memory.  I know we played the concert,
I know it turned out well, as these things (disasters, I mean) are
measured, but I have no clear recollection of the events of the evening
until the Peevefest proper began at Buck's.  That exercise in
conversational brutality, leavened by blatant waiter abuse amid cries of
"Another round of fish ejaculate for everyone!", cannot be erased from
my mind.  Beer and skittles it was not, as the surveillance camera
picture of our table now taped to the cash register can attest.  I'll
leave to others among the attendees the pleasure of giving a more detailed
description of the fest.

-- 
Rick Gordon       | "I was gratified to be able to answer promptly
rickg@netcom.com  |  and I did.  I said I didn't know."  M. Twain
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: mgfrank@avernus.com (Marc G. Frank)
Subject: Over thirty-two screens...
Organization: Maryland Appreciation Society
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 21:59:55 GMT
Summary: Warning: slightly compunerdy


Back when I said that a certain Newsgroups: line would take over two
screens, I was wrong.   I *thought* this was due to a typo.  As you'll
recall, I posted a followup which had an addendum which said that I had
once more accidentally typed "two" instead of "thirty-two."

This turns out not to be the case.  Consider the following sequence of
numbers: 24567890.  What I actually typed was one-two-three-four-five-
six-seven-eight-nine-zero.  What you saw is probably different.  Therein
lies the peeve.

This explains why the script I posted to comp.lang.perl didn't work
properly.

I really hope that this little bug is in (my port of) inews, because
otherwise I'm going to have to recompile C-News.  Grumble grumble
grumble.

+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+
| Marc G. Frank                                  mgfrank@avernus.com |
|                   I'd rather be in Eldersburg.                     |
+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: ataylor@nmsu.edu (Nosy)
Subject: Re: wasted time
Organization: NMSU Computer Science
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 21:09:28 GMT

<In article <1992Sep8.155600.5140@umbc3.umbc.edu> potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC)) writes:
<   peeve: finding that i do rise to bait. arguing with someone long distance
<	   over something highly emotional and finding that we are on opposite
<	   ends of the spectrum and there's no point in discussing it.

	That's what you get for reading anything outside of
	alt.peeves....

ObPeeve: reading anything outside of alt.peeves (and rec.obguns),
	 getting in a net.argument as lp describes above and
	 realizing that I won't even get a halfway decent peeve
	 out of the experience....just annoyed.

<peeve: that otherwise intelligent people can fall prey to bizarre propaganda.
<	   makes you want to throttle them. makes you wonder how many more are
<	   out there just like them. scary.

	Yeah, those people with "BUSH/QUAYLE" or "CLINTON/GORE"
	bumperstickers are pretty scary, ain't they?

ObPeeve: haven't seen any automobiles yet with BOTH candidates
	 stickers.

<   -l "sadly, wiser" p
 
	Welcome home, yer burned dinner is in the microwave.
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC))
Subject: Re: on men
Keywords: giant toilet bowls, rump deformities
Organization: University of Maryland Baltimore Campus
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 14:42:11 GMT

In article <q7sn7tr@lynx.unm.edu> baldwin@carina.unm.edu (Chris Baldwin) 
writes unrelated stuff about:
>the Bernalillo Wine Festival. Not a really huge amount of money, but this

!peeve: wine festivals. wander around, try different wines, look at crafts,
	listen to bands. this is a way cool thing. if you have enough wine,
	it doesn't even matter if it's raining.

-l "a slice of edam, a glass of merlot,... what more to life is there?" p
-- 
-lp  **********************************************************************
*   "the *ocean* is affected by the phases of the moon but men aren't?!"  * 
*							--Anne Tucker     *
***************************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: dtasman@NMSU.edu (Dan Tasman)
Subject: Re: on men
Organization: New Mexico State University
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 23:09:21 GMT

potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC)) writes:

: peeve: men who insist on going to the bathroom outdoors when there's
: 	indoor facilities nearby.

Laura,

We do it because *we can*.

--
   Dan Tasman                                       dtasman@dante.nmsu.edu
                                                     molson@rever.nmsu.edu
   -----------------------------------------------------------------------
   "I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree
    Indeed, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all."
                                                                Ogden Nash
From: scooter@hirgon.hw.stratus.com (Scott Free)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Where were they when wit was handed out?
Date: 15 Sep 92 13:10:24 GMT
Organization: Stratus Computer, Inc.

In article <lb2c2mINNfju@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM>, bls@sector7g.Eng.Sun.COM (Brian Scearce) writes:
> In article 16568@ucsu.Colorado.EDU, lozanoj@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Jones) writes:
> >Is there anyone more peevesome than somebody who has no sense of humor
> >of their own and has to recycle material from Saturday Night Live to
> >get laughs?
> 
> The worst part is, the SNL writers themselves are guilty of this.
> That's part of the reason I stopped watching the show; it turned into
> 90 minutes (less about 40 minutes of commercials) of recycled, rehashed
> repetitions.  And when, on that rare occassion, something new came on,
> you *knew* it would be repeated ad nauseum in every single subsequent
> show.

	Amen to that.  What peeves me is the people who when they imitate
say, George Bush, or Ed McMahon, or Arnold Schwartzenegger, are really
imitating (what I consider to be) horrendous imitations in the first place.
Take away the makeup, costumes, and props, and you'd be hard pressed to 
figure out who the SNL actors were imitating.

scooter

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
+  scooter@hirgon.hw.stratus.com                  Flat Flip Flies Straight  +
+     "I don't care if my lettuce has DDT on it; as long as it's crisp."    +
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
                         
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC))
Subject: Re: you may already be a winner
Organization: University of Maryland Baltimore Campus
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 18:26:55 GMT

In article <LARRY.92Sep12111252@peak.psl.nmsu.edu> larry@peak.psl.nmsu.edu (Evil Engineer doin' it the Cowboy Way) writes:
>In article <1992Sep11.161358.12913@umbc3.umbc.edu> potler@umbc4.umbc.edu (Laura Potler (GSFC)) writes:
>
>   yeah, you'll be changing your tune when i win. so, um, so there.
>
>Heck, I already am. BTW, I hope you'll remember all your friends at
>Peevetown when Ed McMahon shows up on your doorstep.. (Ol' pal!)

smooth.

alright, if i win $10M (that's $250,000 a year for 40 years [that's $1,750,000
in dog years]) i will throw a peevefest of epic proportions. 

>Curious: Will you quit your job?

yes. then i can follow my one true dream and go to work in a fotomat.

-l "such darling little booths" p
-- 
-lp  **********************************************************************
*   "the *ocean* is affected by the phases of the moon but men aren't?!"  * 
*							--Anne Tucker     *
***************************************************************************
From: makinc@hhcs.gov.au (Carl Makin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Revisionist Ideological Deviationalism Attacks English
Date: 11 Sep 92 14:10:06 +1000
Organization: Aust. Dept. Health, Housing and Community Services

In article <1992Sep10.122804.2012@news.eng.convex.com>, Tom Christiansen <tchrist@convex.COM> writes:

> 3)  Posting idiot questions about colour and color to a newsgroup
>     that rehashes these things every few weeks anyway.  Is spelling
>     really not taught any longer?  I guess "phantasy" for "fantasy"
>     would support this, as well as utter ignorance about British
>     versus American styles of spelling.

Phuck it's the Phantom!

:-)

Carl.

-- 
Carl Makin, MVS/ESA Systems Programmer, VAX/VMS Dabbler. 
Dept. Health, Housing and Community Services, Canberra, Australia.
sserve.cc.adfa.oz.au!hhcs!makinc   -   UUCP
makinc@hhcs.gov.au		   -   Internet
vk1kcm@vk1kcm.act.aus.oc	   -   Packet Radio
"I'm from the Government and I'm here to help you."
From: bls@sector7g.Eng.Sun.COM (Brian Scearce)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Farmers (was: The American Race (was: Mechanics and their ilk))
Date: 11 Sep 92 21:26:11 GMT
Reply-To: bls@sector7g.Eng.Sun.COM
Organization: Sun Microsystems
NNTP-Posting-Host: sector7g

In article 20835@news.iastate.edu, z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson) writes:
> Whenever asked, I mark the "Other:" box and write in "Agro-American."
> Hell, farmers are about 2% of the population, so that should put me
> squarely in minority status.

I heard on the radio this weekend another whiner boo-hooing the Demise
of the American Farmer (I thought that that Cause was passe' now).
Anyway, he was pointing out how most farms are now run by Big
Corporations, and the Family Farm is becoming a Thing of the Past (yes,
I could hear the capitals as he said it).

Well, writing software used to be a cottage industry too.  If someone
has an explanation of why my tax money should be used to prop up a
bunch of peasants so that they're rendered somehow immune to the
economies of scale, I'd love to hear it.  Until then, I'm not
interested in supporting an Unnatural Lifestyle Choice (oops, that was
another caller).

No implied insult to Dan, of course.
---
Brian Scearce                               bls@sector7g.eng.sun.com
        The above does not necessarily represent Sun policy.
          It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: yarvin@cs.yale.edu (Norman Yarvin)
Subject: Re: on men
Originator: yarvin@cathy.CS.Yale.Edu
Organization: Yale Computer Science Department
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1992 08:12:39 GMT

padutton@wpi.WPI.EDU (Peter Alan Dutton) writes:
>Well, remember that the staking out of territory is an instinct common
>in the lower animals (apologies to Gary Larson).

Lower animals?  That is completely backwards.  Staking out territory is an
instict of the higher animals.  Lower animals don't even have the foggiest
idea about where they are.  It takes something relatively intelligent, like
a wolf, to have the concept of territory.  And in the highest animals --
human beings -- the territorial instinct reaches its peak.

Admittedly certain semi-human individuals would like to drag us down to the
level of the insects.  That's why we have tactical nuclear weapons: to deal
with these Commies in the only language that they understand.

--
Norman Yarvin						yarvin@cs.yale.edu
From: mhart@blackjack.dt.navy.mil (Michael Hart)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: BDI's in The Far Side
Date: 14 Sep 92 10:29:55 GMT
Distribution: na

So, do you think that Jim (? is it Jim?) Larson reads alt.peeves?
For those of you who didn't get to see The Far Side this Sunday, I'll
recap:

Two gorillas swinging on vines, talking to each other.  They are swinging
behind another gorilla with a white fedora-type hat on.  One of the two
says to the other:
"Have you noticed that?...You get stuck swinging behind some ugy who's 
just lollygagging along, and sure enough he'll be wearin' a hat on the
back of his head"

This is really sad, because it shows that BDIs have been around for untold
eons.  It is extra sad because one would think they'd have eliminated 
themselves from the gene pool by now.

(sigh)


--
|   Michael G. Hart                   mhart@blackjack.dt.navy.mil    |
|--------------------------------------------------------------------|
|     You think _I_ speak for the government or the navy?  HAH!      |
| Aviation, computers, quality improvement, Northern Exposure, money |
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: reid@metis.tti.com (Reid Kneeland)
Subject: Anatomy
Organization: Transaction Technology, Inc.
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 18:21:07 GMT

I keep seeing this on the net, and it's a great sentiment, but you
have to admit it's rather ironic:

"Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live
 in the real world."   -- Mary Shafer, NASA Ames Dryden

Just how many balls does Mary Shafer have, anyway?

=====================================================================
Reid Kneeland
reid@tti.com  (that's MISTER reid@tti.com to you!)
Transaction Technology Inc., Santa Monica, CA, USA (310) 450-9111 x2499
The opinions expressed above do not necessarily etc etc...

Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers.

(P.S. No doubt someone will forward this to the person in question.  Hi
Mary, no offense intended.  I just have a taste for irony.)
From: reykja@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Reykja Sigurdsson)
Date: Mon, 7 Sep 1992 07:41:57 GMT
Subject: Re: Hospital waiting room part 1 - Children called Scott.
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA
Newsgroups: alt.peeves

In alt.peeves, egpv29@castle.ed.ac.uk (JHenderson) writes:

> mention that this child was called "Scott". Now whenever you come 
> across a horrible child, you can safely bet your last bit of beer money 
> that it will be called one of a small number of names. Number one
> candidate is "Wayne". Number two is "Darren". Number three is "Scott".
> The question which remains to be answered is of course whether this is
       
           Naw! It's got to be Tyler, Justin or Mark. ;-) 


> In Houston, for example, there are undoubtedly just as many idiots per
> capita as in Edinburgh - more, I'd guess, but I don't remember anyone
> calling his son "Texan". So why does a Scot label his offspring "Scott".
      
           No, they call them Austin, Dallas and Tyler. 


> This lack of imagination suggests a profound feebleness in the cranial
> department which, I suggest, is passed on genetically.

           Yup! Definite proof of Lysenkoism. Alert the media! 


-reykjavik
(that was stolen from Iceland. No yearly fees that I know of....)
From: banta@blagg.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: on men
Keywords: giant toilet bowls, rump deformities
Date: 11 Sep 92 17:31:30 GMT
Organization: Sun, Moon, and Stars
NNTP-Posting-Host: blagg

(Laura Potler (GoddardSchoolForChicks)) writes:
>because the world is not your toilet? 

In the cosmic sense, the world is everyone's toilet.  I realize that
if you can't pull the handle and listen to the gurgling sounds, you
don't know when to stop.  I don't have this problem.

>because we're in the 20th century?

Gee, Martha.  We're in the twentieth centruy and men still have
penises and can piss standing up.  Do you think Darwin was wrong?

>because, except for your dates, most women don't enjoy the feel of your 
>urinating on their leg. 

I don't remember the equating "pissing outside" to "pissing on
someone's leg."

>because if you use your method, the dog gets 
>angry and tries to mark the kitchen in revenge? 

Any dog in my kitchen is in the frying pan.  I tried roasting one
once, but it just didn't turn out right.  I normally do the skinning
and gutting in the back yard.  And if I have to take a leak during the
skinning and gutting, I *don't* go inside.

>because the neighbors
>have already complained about your open air dingus fondling? 

You obviously haven't visited California, where it must be state law
the everyone, fuckin' everyone, has a 6 foot wood slat fence around
their yard.  And since all my neighbors are distaff octogenarians,
they'd probably look with longing reminiscence rather than disgust.

Anti-peeve: no screaming rugrats in the neighborhood.

>because 
>you can? 

I can.  I can also whip it out anywhere and do the same.  There is
photographic proof that I've pissed on both of JZ's trucks and his
356.

>>Is this supposed to be one of those women's rights things?  Deal with
>not that i'm aware of. 

Clearly, you're a repressed lesbian.  Read any Andra Dworkin lately?
Or have you heard that line before?

drew
banta@abingdon.sun.com
--
"He who hasn't hacked assembly language as a youth has no
 heart. He who does so as an adult has no brain."  - John Moore
From: padutton@wpi.WPI.EDU (Peter Alan Dutton)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Nipple debate (was: Boss Peeve)
Date: 15 Sep 1992 00:21:42 GMT
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
NNTP-Posting-Host: wpi.wpi.edu

In article <1992Sep14.150201.6744@iscsvax.uni.edu> hosch2263@iscsvax.uni.edu writes:

>        I think I missed something here, probably from not following the
>conversations daily.

Shame on you! That'll learn you.

>        My original intent was to complain about my dickass boss taking away
>our radio in the lab, not a nipple contest.

Isn't it fun how threads seem to get away from their creators like so
many Frankenstein monsters?

>        However, for the record, I am a 38DD, and I usually wrap up in an aghan
>if I'm cold at home rather than turn up the heat and fry my fiance.

**salivate**salivate**salivate**  Oh. Wait. That's only 38. My mistake.

Peter!

(Oh, wait. You have a fiance. Damn.)

Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: cindy@solan10.solan.unit.no (Cynthia Kandolf)
Subject: Re: Outta here for a week
Organization: /home/ludviga/cindy/.organization
Date: 13 Sep 92 12:45:02

Dave Cochran pens:
>!Peeve: I'm spending the next week on the pink sand beaches of Bermuda.

Here's something to think about:

Just how DID that sand turn pink, anyway, eh?

-Cindy Kandolf
 cindy@solan.unit.no
 Trondheim, Norway
From: tjc@castle.ed.ac.uk (A J Cunningham)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: on men
Date: 14 Sep 92 11:00:14 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University Colouring Book Software

padutton@wpi.WPI.EDU (Peter Alan Dutton) writes:

>In article <1992Sep13.081239.12141@cs.yale.edu> yarvin@cs.yale.edu (Norman Yarvin) writes:
>>padutton@wpi.WPI.EDU (Peter Alan Dutton) writes:

>Hey - there are lots of geography-deficient people who haven't the
>foggiest idea where they are...


Yes but they're all 'Merkins so it doesn't matter.
T
 
ObPeeve: Coming back to High Wycombe after spending a weekend in
Cambridge.
 
!Peeve: The 'Merkins are pulling out of their nearby Air Force base. It
never had any of those real nice planes so that's no loss. It did have
their alternate command centre for fighting a war in Europe. The main
one is in Germany and in the event of war the plan was to run away very
quickly and hide in High Wycombe. Still that's one less nuclear weapon
pointed at me.


-- 
Tony Cunningham, Insignia Solutions. 				   tjc@ed.ac.uk

Yes, I carry a grudge. If someone pokes me in the eye, I'll poke both of
their eyes. larry@psl.nmsu.edu (Larry Cunningham)
From: egpv29@castle.ed.ac.uk (JHenderson)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Sue is a woman's name, right? ( Re: Sue Me
Keywords: "I sue *.*"
Date: 6 Sep 92 13:29:36 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <y0nnscn@lynx.unm.edu> hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman) writes:
=>
=>And you have to be a complete and utter bastard

Hmmm. I'm getting an idea about a career change!



-- 
=======Jeremy Henderson========egpv29@castle.ed.ac.uk===============
Q: How many user support people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be
   working fine.  Can you tell me what kind of system you have?
From: diana@wetware.com (CatWoman )
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Ring for sale (The ballad of a Guy & Girl)
Date: 6 Sep 92 13:29:44 GMT
Organization: Castle WetWare MouseCatcher

Okay - Peevetown Experts - check out the paragraph at the
end from Trygve.  Does this count as a Peeve or a !Peeve?

(I figure there are more firearms experts per square poster
in a.p then there are in any other group - maybe even 
INCLUDING rec.<whatever>.<guns|firearms|cannons> so there
would be more understanding of the unit of exchange - and
more appreciation for the post...)

Diana

In soc.singles, tlode@nyx.cs.du.edu (trygve lode) writes:

] wjb@moscom.UUCP (Bill de Beaubien) writes:
] >nastasi@cbnewsk.cb.att.com (joseph.l.nastasi) writes:
] >>The price paid for the ring and the new mount were $1600 and $800
] >>for a total of $2400.  I am willing to have the ring appraised
] >>for serious buyers.  I was offer $800 over the counter at two
] >>local jewelers.  I am looking for the best offer in about a 
] >>week's time over $1200.  I will work with someone out of state
] >>as long as it's a serious buyer.
] >
] >10 bucks, and that's my final offer.
] 
] Every once in a while, I scan through the classified ads looking for 
] interesting things that I don't own and I occasionally check the "for
] sale or trade" section.  Now, most ads in this particular section tend
] to read like "1971 pickup truck; will trade for guns" or "pool table,
] perfect condition; will trade for guns" with firearms serving as the
] principal units of currency.  My favorite, though, was "Engagement 
] ring, appraised at <somethingorother>; will trade for guns."
] 
] Trygve