From: rxh6@po.CWRU.Edu (Randall Holt)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban
Subject: Mormon UL's (was Ether Bunny ...)
Date: 9 Oct 1992 18:47:55 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: thor.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous articulation, pjswan@engin.umich.edu (Peter Swanson) writes,
 
>>I heard a story about a man whose fraternity brothers came to him in the
>>middle of their party and told him about a girl who they had gotten
>>drunk and were "taking turns with" up in someone's room.  Though he
>>felt a little uneasy about taking advantage of a girl who was
>>intoxicated, he felt he was justified by the girls "slutty"
>>behavior.  He followed his fraternity brothers upstairs.  He took his
>>clothes off, and proceeded to have sex with her.  When he was finished,
>>he turned the light on to get a good look at the girl's face.  It was
>>his sister.
>>
>>(name withheld by me to protect writer's email account)
>>LSA junior
 
>Wow, does this sound like a classic UL or what?  It has:
>        -Rape
>        -Incest
>        -Fraternity bashing (soon to be an exhibition event in the
>                1996 olympics)
>        -A suprise ending
>        -A moral
>
>Or, can someone actually document this?
 
This is similar to a story told and retold by Mormon Seminary teachers in 
Utah. The version my impressionable high school peers and I got was that
a good boy fell in with a bunch of toughs, started the partying life, and
one night "in our very own high school parking lot", ran across another
high school couple making out, pulled the guy out of the car, beat him to a 
pulp and gang-raped the girl. The 'nice boy' went last only to discover (in
mid-act) ....
 
A dual moral is then presented, A. It could be your sister and B. Don't
go parking and sparking. (some of us thought the moral was 'nice guys get
sloppy seconds')
 
Mormon seminary teachers have always been free and loose with the urban legend
so long as it begins to resemble a parable. You know, if Jesus could tell
stories, just to make a moral point, so can they. Of course I don't remember 
any scriptures in the New Testament that begin, "I heardeth this from a
companion of mine father ..."
 
I always suspected that JHB got his start because of the huge number of these
'parables' that got passed around Salt Lake. By people who believed these
legends fervertly. And, one must admit, there is a tendency for the local 
population to want to believe everything they hear. The best non-eccelesiatical
proof of this is that the FBI rates SLC as the Fraud/Bunko captial of the US.
 
One legend in particular has to do with the church sponsored, specially blessed,
holy underwear (sort of like the tassle shirts that Hassidic and Orthodox Jews
wear). I have heard dozens of tales of miracles relating to the wearing of 
these 'garments' (mostly from seminary teachers) ranging from FOAF eye-witness
accounts of phospor-tracer bullets stopping dead in their tracks inches in 
front of the garment-wearing saint, to burn-victims who had third degree burns
everywhere except the parts of their bodies covered by holy underwear, which, 
of course, never got above 98.6 F. 
 
The biggest purveyor of such tales was (and still is) Paul Dunn, an exalted
church authority, BYU professor and bullshit artist. For 30 years he has been
regaling the members with Paul-Harvey-like stories of heart-warming faith. 
Many of these tales included himself as the hero, including his years as a 
pro-baseball player and his personal talks with God when he was storming the 
beach at Guadalcanal. Recently, an enterprising reporter found that he didn't 
even make it past spring training in the minors and his military service record
not only didn't mention GC, but didn't start until months after the battle, and 
did not include the various medals self-awarded in these stories. But did he
admit his embellishments? Nope, just made up more to cover his tracks. And 
did the gentle church-members revile him for the falsehoods or pity him for his 
delusions of grandeur? Nope, they still maintain that his stories are well-
intentioned, even if not true, because of the faith-supporting nature and the 
warm-fuzzies they get when they hear them.
 
Not, mind you, that I object too heartily, for without the Paul Dunns in this
world, a.f.u. would not exist.
 
Ah well. The soap-box awaits another. Flail away.
 
 
 
ObDr.RuthUL: Good guys always finish last.
 
-- 
Randall W. Holt - rxh6@cwru.po.edu     |   
Dept. Radiology MetroHealth Hosp.      | 	- Bibo ergo sum
Dept. Biomedical Engineering, CWRU     |    	
(216) 778-8296                         |