From: lauraf@classy.Jpl.Nasa.Gov (Laura Floom)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re:  Age to be left alone (was: The Schoo Didn't Fit)
Date: 12 Jan 1993 19:46:06 GMT
Organization: Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, CA
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: classy.jpl.nasa.gov

In article <1993Jan12.173456.23582@cbnewsm.cb.att.com> cma@cbnewsm.cb.att.com (christine.m.dakes) writes:
>
>I would think age guidelines would be difficult, because it depends on
>the maturity of the child.  For example, I have two 11-yr old nephews
>(from different siblings of course).  One is *TONS* more mature and
>responsible than the other.  This one can be left alone, come home after
>school and even start dinner (with instructions, do salad, set table,
>whatever) and do whatever chores until a parent gets home.  He is

The responsible one sounds like me at the same age. My brother and I were
left alone a lot at a young age. It was more common back then, and we knew
all our neighbors. They also knew we were alone, etc. Everything was a lot
different then now, the dangers werent as great. Or were they? I did somethings
that would probably give my mom sleepless night 30 years after the fact, if
I would tell her. Anyway, everyone talked about how responsibble we were, well
behaved, etc, but they really didnt know what was going on.

From ages 4-8 we lived across the street from a large park. My parents thought
it was nice that we had a park to play in, when they werent around (and also
when they were), we lived at that park. The park was actually a Recreation
Center, which means it caters to adults as well as kids. Lot of adults around.
Many years later, I started wondering about all those adults that used to 
pal around with us kids, buying us candy, etc. I remember at least 2 occasions
when I left the park with strangers. And, yes, we were taught not to speak
to strangers, but we did know them by the time we left with them. My parents
didnt keep that close a tabs on us. They were both working, and also they
thought they were fostering independence.

When we were older, and living in another house, I do remember that my brohter
and I (both preteens probably) did a lot of experiments with fire, in the DEN!
Just because you come home after leaving your child alone, and the house
is still standing, doesnt mean they didnt try to burn it down.

I could go on with a few other examples, including my brother (2 years older)
just abusing his power. Being allowed to do that may contribute to the fact
that we really dont like each other much as adults.

Mainly I wouldnt leave a child alone beause there is so much to go wrong, and
I would hate for them to fail in an emergency. I do know someone who came
home to an emptyhouse, and decided to make herself donuts. She burnt the house
down, and the family never recoved finanically from that. No one was hurt
physically, but...

This had nothing to do with being left alone, but I was once faced with an
emergency, and i did fail. My father was dying, and I panicked while calling
the rescue squad. They probably got there a few minutes later, and it really 
didnt alter the outcome, he was probably dead even before I made the call, but I
didnt know that at the time. I felt sure that my dad was dead, and it was my 
fault. It was only after I heard my Mom (who didnt know what I was going thru)
tell another relative, that my Dad was probably beyond hope before she even
got to him. I was 16 at the time, and well versed in what to do in an 
emergency, in fact, I did everything right. I just didnt do it fast enough or
efficiently enough. I didnt actually cause any damage, but it did take me a 
long time to get over the guilt.  Remember, I was considered responsible, I
was 16, and this thread is mostly dealing with preteens, and younger.

Just because a child seems responsible, and is well versed in what needs to be
done, I still wouldnt want to put them in a situation where thier failure
could have such dire consequences. I am sure there are many ways to foster 
indepence in a child, without making the stakes so high.

Laura Floom

Newsgroups: misc.kids