From: franklin@ug.cs.dal.ca (Steve Franklin)
Subject: Re: CAN WE REALLY BE SURE THAT...
Keywords: not quite sure...
Organization: Math, Stats & CS, Dalhousie University, Halifax, NS, Canada
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 14:18:13 GMT

In <g_hn#ac.rdc@netcom.com> rdc@netcom.com (Rachel Dafni Christy) writes:
>franklin@ug.cs.dal.ca (Steve Franklin) writes:
>>
>>  the posts in talk.bizarre actually come from real posters, rather than
>>   some complicated Artificial Intelligence algorithm gone haywire?


>Why do you say the posts in talk?  Is it because do I say some
>complicated artificial intelligence algorithm gone haywire that you
>came to me?

Well, at first the meaning of this post eluded me. I mean, what could
it possibly be saying? Something cryptic? Encoded? Special messages maybe?
   Well, being the suspicious guy I am, I tried to CRACK the code, and
CRACK the code I did.
   First, I ran it uudecode, without any luck. Tried uuencoding it...Hmmm,
better. Then I took file.uu and ran it through rot13 - now THAT"S more
like it. Then I played it on my record player backwards (always worked
before with my old elvis records). Well, this was getting me
somewhere, but I saw that I would need to pull out the old UNIX script
called "translater_for_bizarre_posters.sh". Well, here's what the 
script in ALL of it's glory looked like:

#--------------------------------------------------------
#!/bin/sh
#(okay, so i don't use bash! sue me)
if
  $letter != (something normal)
    /usr/bin/change $letter
fi
if
  $letter = (something normal)
   mail rdc@netcom.com < congratulations
                  #Note - congratulations is ta long file which
                  #rewards and praises the poster
                  #for something in talk.bizarre that actually made
                  #sense (something normal). Okay, so it's only
                  #one letter, but it's a start right?
fi

echo 'all done, and boy, was this post ever bizarre'
                  #have to remind yourself what kind of people you're
                  #dealing with
end
                  # awhh comeon - go easy on me, I'm no programming geek!
                  # feel free to polish up the code with any tips you
                  # might have!

#-------------------------------------------

and you know what I came up with? The REAL truth about Rachel. It reads
as follows:

"I am Satan. I occassionally work at macdonalds where I can do evil deeds.
I like to spit in people's special sauce, and sometimes - just sometimes,
throw my exhausted hamsters into that deep-fry vat. Ahhh, the tangy
flavor they provide is priceless! Being Satan isn't all that bad - sometimes 
I get some frill benefits. God and I play poker once in a while, and of course
I always win, because I can cheat. Besides, since I get all the sinners,
I usually get the really hot babes, when God gets all the ugly virgins
and stuff who couldn't get sex even if they wanted to. 
   In any case, I should really stop writing this, because no one's going
to be reading it in any case. I mean, I don't there's one individual on 
earth who is INTELLIGENT enough to decrypt this. Well, there is that
Steve Franklin guy, but he doesn't spend much time on talk.bizarre. Time
will tell... Now if I could only get RICHH and KIBO to sign their soul
over to me, I'd be happy to help them out with some of their posts..."

There you go! What a find eh? I am a UNIX God... Well enjoy folks, and
realize that some day you may consider yourself a super-sleuth like me
(hahaha - NOT!)

steve
-- 
aasdSteveFranklin-Subliminal Psychology Major.ks;dlasBlueJaysRULEkasdfeahsdbfl
sd;lfaswoq[eBuyMeAQuadra!!!mbnZMXCNdfsba;KdSPAMiuroqiyetIBMSuxiweuryth'ewr;mxn
qpuepriuPartyOneqtuj;,n.,xnc,kjasFlameMeNot!;lkj;lkgkjd;askElvisLivesjhfquweru
zx.cfranklin@ug.cs.dal.ca,sk;t;lrut[Superboy@ac.dal.cav.zx,Physics!eq3rwkh;oHA