From: mccla_d@azalea.cs.odu.edu (dennis mcclain-furmanski)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Subject: The Path To True Salivation
Date: 2 Oct 92 16:26:05 GMT
Distribution: alt.slack
Organization: Old Dominion University, Norfolk, VA, USA

Listen to the parable of his most wholly pipeness, and you shall learn what 
it means to not know anything at all. Listen! if you have thighs.

Does "B0B" have Buddha nature? Does Buddha have Bubba nature? And what is the 
meaning of the numbers on the ticket you get at the gas station that makes 
them able to make the car wash run?

To know, you must forget everything, and send cold hard cash. For it is 
written in the Bagofthe Goodies "Whomsoever seeks me shall find me not, 
because I am behind them picking their pockets."

As you came from the southernmost regions of your parents, so does the 
representative of your future come from your southernmost regions. Whence you 
are placed upon the Pearly White Throne of excremediation, you bring forth 
with forehead vein a-bulging, what "B0B" cannot do for you. Because he 
doesn't give a shit.

"Eat me! Drink me!" cries JHVH-1, because he's spent too much time upon his 
stylized hat rack and has become a perv.

"What is the sound of one hand clapping the happy stick?" asks Confuseus, 
because he's too busy sitting with his legs tied in knots behind his neck and 
his bacon pointing at his face to pick up chicks.

"You only go around a few million times in life, so throw away all the gusto 
you can" claims Buddha in a fit of irrational hubris, and promptly pacifies a 
few billion people who will never have the price of a bag of groceries, and 
who're going to die before they're 40 anyway.

Ask not what "B0B" can do for you, because he won't, and neither should you. 
You will pay him to know what you think, and you don't. There is nothing you 
can't do if you put your mind to it, and you don't have one, so you never will.

And now, o ye frightful, follow along in your books as we sing the Hymn to 
Him, the Don't Gimme No Crap Rap.

Who put the ass in asinine?
Who put the clap in Clapper?
Lock the door so mom can't see
and praise "B0B" on the crapper.

Ain't no gods around this place,
this multiverse continuum,
who won't go gettin' in your face
and take your cash to feed 'em.

heeee-aaaahh heeee-aaaahh  pthpthpthpth pthpthpthpth
heeee-aaaahh heeee-aaaahh  pthpthpthpth pthpthpthpth

You wanna get down, go all the way 'round, 
get a real sweet eternal deal?
Grab yourself a Bobbish honey 
and cop a high-priced feel.

Gonna jump down, turn around, 
get the saucer ready.
Gonna get myself some fresh pink burger, 
'cause I'm a full blown, pure bred Yeti.

heeee-aaaahh heeee-aaaahh  pthpthpthpth pthpthpthpth
heeee-aaaahh heeee-aaaahh  pthpthpthpth pthpthpthpth

Keep to your faith, which is non-existant except for that which you purchase. 
There is no greater pleasure in the world than one should send me $20.00. Or 
kill me.

-=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=-
>%>     Join the Yeti Liberation Army. Renounce your artificially    <%<
>%>     enhanced evolution. Take your place atop the food chain.     <%<
-=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=--=<+|+>=-
Organization: Senior, History, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA