From: comptec92070@camins.camosun.bc.ca
Subject: Re: Mansell comments?
Organization: Camosun College
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 04:16:13 GMT

Brian Wilson writes:

> Did the F1 Champion/Thesaurus-meister have anything to say about
> the Lola-Ford?  (such as Extrordinary, Stupendous, Incredible,
> Collosal, Astounding, Marvelous, or Amazing)  I just love to
> hear him describe a 'good car'.  I also love to hear Fittipaldi
> to say that the car was "Beuutifool!"

  Actually, Brian, the world champion was surprisingly unwilling to
  say much to the rank and file press after his debut IndyCar test.
  Fortunately, because of the close, personal relationship Nigel
  shares with yours truly, he was willing to talk with me.
  Here is how he responded to my probing queries on his first
  impressions of life as an Indycar driver:
 
  "Yes, Murray, if I could first just say one thing about the new
   2.65 litre turbo-charged V8 Ford Cosworth Indycar engine, the 
   engine in my new 1993 K-Mart-Havoline-Eveready-DirtDevil-Steamin'-
   Mad-at-Dirt-Newman-Haas Lola Indycar...  was fantastic - much
   better, in fact, than any engine I experienced during previous
   years in a certain, shall we say, _other_ motor racing series,
   which, for fear of possibly causing an unfortunate confrontation,
   which, I'm sure, we would all come to regret, I will not mention
   by name.  If ohhhwwwnnnly the technicians had been able to prevent 
   the misfiring and dramatic loss of power at all revs which plagued 
   my test from, I believe, the second or first lap, my performance 
   today could have been, in my opinion, indeed, quite fantastic.  
   However, due to my chronic engine problems, a good performance was, 
   unfortunately, not possible.  On the bright side, Murray, if I could 
   just say hello to my children back at home in Florida, HELLO!  GREG!
   CHLOE!  LEO!  Daddy will be home soon, Murray, the preparation of my 
   new 1993 K-Mart-Havoline-Eveready-Dirt-Devil-Steamin'-Mad-at-Dirt-
   Newman-Hass Lola Indycar by the K-Mart-Havoline-Eveready-Dirt-Devil-
   Steamin'-Mad-at-Dirt Lola Indycar team... was fantastic.  Far more
   fantastic, I might add, than the preparation my cars received during
   my most unfortunate time in a certain, shall we say, _other_ motor
   racing series, when, at times, I was provided with drastically inferior
   equipment than, without mentioning any names, certain grossly politically 
   motivated teammates.  If ohhhwwwnnnly my current quite _stupendous_ 
   mechanics had been able to diagnose and solve the chronic handling problems, 
   including appalling oversteer, understeer, porpoising, and a devastating,
   numbing vibration, which plagued me from the outset of this, my first
   hands-on experience of the incomparably exciting, stimulating, challenging,
   and, I must say, friendly, PPG Indycar World Series, and led to my suffering
   blisters for, I believe, the first time in my entire motor racing career,
   which resulted in my losing, I think, almost all of the skin on both of
   my hands by, I think, the second or first lap, which made things, shall
   we say, rather...  difficult? this test could have proved most enjoyable,
   indeed.  Of course, considering the quite extraordinary fact that myself
   and my beautiful family, being, of course, Roseanne, and, also, our
   three quite magnificent children, in no particular order, Chloe, Greg,
   and Leo, are able to make our new home here, in America, quite the most
   astoundingly beautiful and friendly country in the the entire world,
   more beautiful and friendly, in fact, than any country I had the 
   misfortune of visiting during my time in a certain, shall we say, _other_
   motor racing series, and, personally, _my_ favourite country, or should I
   say, now that I consider myself to be quite completely an American,
   my favorite country, yes, while the spelling may be somewhat difficult to
   adjust to, perhaps, in fact, almost impossible, the beautiful weather
   and, of course, quite gargantuan number of truly magnificent golf courses,
   where was I, yes, the significance of the problems I have mentioned pale 
   into infinitessimality.  Thank you, Murray, and God bless America, and all
   of its tremendous people, my fans, yes, thank you so much, you are
   worth, I'm sure, at least two seconds a lap to me, even though none of
   you are here, in Arizona, at this quite desolate, yet beautiful location, 
   you are constantly in my thoughts as I prepare for the greatest challenge 
   of my long and difficult motor racing career: the quite fantastic, and, 
   I must say, friendly, PPG Indycar World Series.  Goodbye, Murray."

   My God, sixteen times a year?!  Does ABC show bowling on Saturdays or
   Sundays.  Dammit!  Where's that TV Guide?!

   Sylvan Smyth
   comptec92070@camins.camosun.bc.ca