From: sbmn@cup.hp.com (S.Subramanian(contr))
Subject: Re: Being Americanized.......
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 19:28:04 GMT
Organization: Hewlett-Packard


The impact of what one sees and listens in the early years of life are
very  deep.   This  is  one of the reasons why people hold the country
where  they  were  brought  up  and  it's  culture  in  high   esteem.
Therefore   it  is  quite natural for the second generation Indians in
America to consider America as their home.  For the  same  reason   it
is   very  unlikely  that  the  first generation  Indians will ever be
able to completely break their ties to "home".  Ties might weaken, but
they  will  never be able to completely shake them off.  Anything from
India - music,  food,  movies,   dress   -   bring  in   a  bunch   of
cherished  memories  to  their mind.  The same kind of reactions canot
be expected from the second generation.  The fact is  that  for   your
parents,   India   will   be  continue to be the home for ever and for
you USA will be the home. The parental pressure builds from  the  fact
that parents do not want to see their children as aliens.

I do not agree with John's observation :

> accept Kerala as "home".  To me and I suspect for you also, the US is
> home, and I could never see myself leaving it for another country.
> Obviously, that tie or bond to "home" is not as strong for the
> thousands of Malayalis leaving Kerala and coming to the US every year.
> How can they expect us to accept Kerala as "home", when they
> themselves have abandoned it?

Just because the Malayalis leave Kerala does not mean that their  bond
with their home is weaker than those of the yours to USA.  People come
to USA in search of opportunities and not because  they  do  not  like
their home.  Those brought up in USA have no need to do that.

The most important question that  Mitran  has  raised   is   marriage.
Your parents  will  be  happy  to   see  you marry  a  Malayali  girl,
probably since  they  feel  that this combination is  more  likely  to
last.   It  has worked  for   them   and many  others  they have seen.
The ultimate  aim  of  marriage  is  to  build  a  happy  and  lasting
relationship.   There  is no   doubt that  Indian  marriages  stand  a
better chance of survival than a western marriage.  But this does  not
mean  that  Indian   marriages  are   in  general happier.   IMHO  the
western  society is  very  self-centered.   This  is  the  reason  why
inspite  of  dating  and   living   together   before  marriage,  many
western marriages break.  Marriages will not work without adjustments.
A person raised in India has it rubbed into his mind that marriage  is
sacred   and   should   be  made   to   work  at  any  cost.   In  the
process  one  sacrifices lot of own interests, but the home remains in
one piece and  ultimately  the   children    are   benefited.   Things
have    changed   in   India  too. Not all Malayali girls are going to
make too many adjustments for marriage.  There  is   always   a    via
media.   Even   in   India   men  are  not  just  marrying a girl whom
their parents choose.  You may want to  consider  these  facts  before
taking a decision about marriage.

Regarding friends, everyone seeks the company of people with  whom  he
feels  comfortable.   If you feel more comfortable with caucasians, go
ahead.

Subbu