From: thurlow@convex.com (Robert Thurlow)
Subject: Re: men in their thirties who never dated
Date: Sun, 27 Sep 1992 04:46:46 GMT
Organization: Engineering, CONVEX Computer Corp., Richardson, Tx., USA
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

Geez, this is sure familiar road, isn't it?  Edward sounds more or less
the same as the last go-round, and so does the choir.  I'm amazed that
I've found so many friends among the very people you're calling total
jerks in this round; that couldn't reflect on you at all, could it?

I'm going to see if I can break the cycle.  My life is absolutely not
able to let me have the time to do point-counterpoint with you, Edward,
so this may be all you get from me in public.  In e-mail, or over a
beer, I may be able to expand on this, if you are ever interested.

Edward, you are indeed unattractive to many women.  And you are dead
wrong about the reasons.  I think it boils down to a top two or three
reasons.  These reasons are not about athleticism, physical beauty,
being a man born out of time, intellectualism, or any of the other
hooks you like to hang your insecurities on.  Your biggest problems
seem much simpler to me.

The first one I can testify to myself.  When we had our first dancing
match here (it may actually have been in alt.romance), I thought I
should try to get to know the person I was arguing with.  I started to
try to greet you in the hallways when we passed, for a start.  I got
nothing, nada, back.  You were never willing/able/etc.  to do anything
to make me think that that was something other than evil.  Perhaps you
hated my guts because of our arguments, but the fact is that the people
I've talked to all find you unwilling to be friendly (unless you're
writing Masterful Things To Win Their Hearts).  This severely limits
your appeal to anyone who hopes to find a partner who can at least be
social.  If you could show more of that romantic heart you claim to
posess to those you encounter every day, I think you'd find a lot of
things changing for the better.

The second one is more pragmatic.  You could do better with many women
simply by paying more attention to your personal hygiene.  You can be
a Renaissance Man, but that doesn't mean you have to smell like a horse.
This seems to come up a lot in talking to almost anyone who knows you,
and it is certainly not that hard to address.  Sometimes I wonder if
part of the appeal of athletes you resent so much is to do with the
fact that they actually take showers.

Just to complete the story, I'll remind you that I believe I could
list a dozen people less physically attractive than you who have SOs,
that I don't consider myself significantly more attractive than you,
that many people are amazed when they hear that you think you are
particularly physically unattractive, that I think you've done much
better at finding people to date than I have in the past year or so,
and that I have never been mired in discussion of sports for longer
than I wanted to be, especially with women.  I think that if you could
shelve some of the "look, it's not my fault" urge that comforts you,
you might actually see some things as they really are and find out
that you might be able to get a much better life by making a few
changes.  I'm certain that treating every followup in soc.singles as
an attack and charging off to do battle will get you less than nothing.

(Now stay tuned to see whether Edward sees truth in this article,
politely rejects it as not applying to him, or takes great offense
immediately.  Anybody want a square in the pool? :-)

Rob T
--
Rob Thurlow, thurlow@convex.com
Across the evening sky, all the birds are leaving
But how can they know it's time for them to go?		- Sandy Denny
Newsgroups: soc.singles