From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: LJBF problems
Date: 29 Jul 92 17:28:02 GMT
Reply-To: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Organization: BNR Europe Limited, London Road, Harlow, Essex, GB

In the referenced article weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Weaver) writes:
>In article <1992Jul28.230403.9262@wam.umd.edu> jasonbr@next17pg2.wam.umd.edu (Jason Bert Rust) writes:
>>
>> Back in '88, I met a girl, "Pheobe," at work, and we became friends. I 
>>immeadiately formed a big crush on her, though I never let on. (confused
>>adolescent thing) After she resigned, we kept in regular contact through  
>>the mail (not e-mail, paper mail!). Writing was always fun, and we sent  
>>letters about once a month. Our letters were similar, though her's were  
>>full of her love life news. Now we're at separate universities, though we  
>>still write. My infatuation continues.
>
>I was in a relationship like this once. It was actually quite nice,
>as long as I didn't expect anything more. It is true that being
>dealing with someone mainly through letters will let you idealize
>them greatly.

Ditto. Twice, actually.

>
>If you only asked this girl out once, and she simply declined, 
>that is not the same thing as "let's just be friends". 

This is the sort of dangerous romantic propaganda purveyed by some folks
in this newsgroup who actually think alt.romance is all about romantic
gooey stuff -- all the gooey stuff is in alt.romance.chat; *this* is the
*real* world! ;-)

What women (oops, *most*) mean by a 'simple declination' is "never in a
million years, sucker". :-) + :-| 

They don't actually *say* this because they think it hurts you less 
(which is probably true, I guess -- except... that you're not quite sure, 
so you ask her again, then she says no again, no more firmly than before, 
so you ask again, then she gets a bit fed up, but you still think it might 
be worth another try because she's *so* wonderful, so you ask again and 
then *blammo*: Oops, no more friend...).

>
>Since you have been friends for a long time, it probably surprised her
>that you asked her out. And if you haven't followed up, she may think
>that this was some anomaly, that you were feeling depressed or
>something, and acting irrationally.

It is true that I have found women thinking exactly this sort of thing,
but it doesn't change the fact that they still meant 'no, never'.

>
>[A lot of useful, good & better points deleted]

>Michael.
>

Jason, I just think cut 'it' off or something if you want your good 
friendship to continue. Castration is the only way, IMHO.  :-) (I think I
might give it a try if it ever happens again to me!) To date, all I've done
is lost friends through these situations. :-(

As I said in a previous post: friends are too precious to fall in love with.
Stop it. Now. There's plenty of fish in the sea... (I know, I know, she's
*so* wonderful -- *that's* why castration is the only way! :-))

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