HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: hi
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 00:21:59 GMT

root (root@huxley.bitstream.com) wrote:

:    Is it common to place yourself in relationships that make you 
:    want to scream? 

Yes.  Self-destructive behavior in relationships is very common for
survivors - both in behavior and in choosing a partner.

:    Is it common to shoot yourself in the foot (not literally of course!)
:    in alot of different ways?

Self-destructive behavior carries over in the rest of a survivor's life -
some are able to function semi-normally, others can't run their lives at all.

:    I was molested for 12 years (that I know of!) by my brother. 
:    I told my mother (she wanted pictures)

How sick!  She wanted pictures??  Yuck!  :( :(

:    I went to a therapist back in '86 who said I have PTSD,
:    now I'm with this guy 4 YRS (off & on & of & on etc..)
:    who's a vietnam vet, also w/PTSD. What a mess!

I, too, suffer from PTSD, from an automobile accident that happened last
July, in which one person was killed and another severely brain-damaged.


:    should be this fostered state of innocent bliss by people who can't
:    protect you is ludicrous. My mother saw only she wanted to see. She 
:    walked in one time and caught my brother, and said "what are you

This is almost a set-up for abuse.  I wonder if *she* was abused when she was
a child...
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: Ritual Abuse Upper (really!)
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 15:08:37 GMT

In article <1519600013@igc.apc.org> agape@igc.apc.org (Jean Riseman) writes:
>
>Hi Nancy:
>Sorry but I don't know how to use these things to quotye...>>>>

If you've got a system like the one I'm on, F instead of f will quote.

>I know there is a lot of trickery involved. I also know that
>what I remember is not THE TRUTH but a terrified and probably
>drugged child's best guess at what was going on. For example,
>even though I am a woman and I have had children, I can
>remember the feel of male genitals and I remember that they shot them
>off, aiming between my legs. I do not remember any pain.
>Obviuously, this could not have happened, but they sure had me convinced for
>for a bit that I was a boy and was then castrated.

This is monstrous. 
>
>I believe that human sacrifices do occur, but I think that people are
>very expensive and that most of the sacrifices are of animals,
>especially cheap ones like cats and chickens and dogs. First
>and early second semester fetuses are also easy to come by.
>
>My only memeory, so far, of an adult death was in a snuff film.
>I do believe that there isn't any contraversy about the existence of snu
>snuff films.I wonder how they dispose of those bodies?

For what it's worth, I thought that the consensus among average skeptics
was that no snuff films had ever been found. Of course this doesn't
prove that none exist, but it does suggest that none are being circulated
on any sort of a large even slightly public scale.

>I'm glad we are talking about these thiongs.

Me too. For what it's worth, I find ritual abuse entirely plausible, since
many people like ritual (of all sorts, good and bad), and child abuse is
fairly common. It doesn't surprise me that some people combine the two.

Nancy
From: anon-1531@twwells.com (Stella Rico)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: disfunctional family
Date: 7 Jan 93 19:39:17 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

>   I believe that if you came from a dysfunctional family, you'll find
>   that almost everyone will treat you better than your parents did. 
> 
>I'm sorry, I don't know if my family was dysfunctional; I don't have
>any basis of comparison - I didn't see how other families lived when I
>was young, and I go out just as much now.
 
  That is one of the most amazing things about children.  When we are growing 
up, we think that our family is normal, no matter what it is like.  I thought 
my family was completely normal, and that everyone was treated the way I was 
treated.  It was not until I was older that I began to realize that my family 
was not normal at all and that people in it were very mean to me.  Now I know 
that what they did was wrong, and I have the right to be treated well be 
people that I interact with.

  I think what is said above is true.  You will probably find many people who 
will treat you better than your family did.  I know that has been true for me.

  Stella



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From: anon.79@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Apologies to Bill, no offense meant
Date: 12 Jan 1993 16:30:41 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.79@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


Dear Everyone and Bill:

When I originally posted the letter about my message not
getting through, I was careful to not throw any aspersions
on Bill.  I did not believe that he was responsible, I 
thought the net was.  However, from where I am, the australian
service reaches asar a lot faster anyway, and I did lose a
message for a while (turns out it got posted after the modem
was resucitated, thanks Bill!:)  Anyway, my point is that if
the link was unreliable from where I was, it made sense to
switch to another service.  I posted to see if others had
the problem.  

I know that nobody really commented on my posting, but I just
wanted to make sure nobody was hurt.  My tiger used to hurt
people, I am trying to hold her in check.

Silver Tiger
who thanks any and all powers that be for anon services existing at all


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: altinbay@netcom.com (John Altinbay)
Subject: Re: birthdays
Organization: Netcom Online Communications Services (408-241-9760 login: guest)
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 03:41:47 GMT

Well, since we're talking birthdays, I'll throw in my memories.  It's not
going to be pretty, but it'll be tamer than most stories.  (This is just 
a statement of the nature of the contents, not a denial that it was a big
deal.)

I only remember one birthday from my childhood.  I didn't really have
any friends, and I didn't have birthday parties with other kids.  I
don't remember if we did anything at home.

I was seven or eight or so at the one I remember.  I was my grandmother's
first grandchild, and she used to take me places.  Well, she took me to
the beach for this one.  When we got back home, my father yelled at her for
spoiling me.  Somehow, she reacted by wanting to prove the point that she
could indeed hurt me as well as do nice things for me, so she spanked me.
I hadn't done anything.  She just spanked me to prove a point.

I didn't talk to her for a long time after that.  She kept crying and begging
me to forgive her.  I finally said I did.  But I'm still carrying it.
 
-- 
John Altinbay   -   altinbay@netcom.com
===============================================================
There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the living, I don't need to see the end.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Confrontation with my mother
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 19:40:36 GMT

Kristen Kohlbecker (tyger@netcom.com) wrote:

Hi, Tyger!  Welcome to asar!  :)
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler
From: dnelson@icaen.uiowa.edu (David Nelson)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: We Have Been Trying to WARN YOUN!!!!
Date: 11 Jan 93 16:11:48 GMT
Organization: Iowa Computer Aided Engineering Network, University of Iowa
X-Newsreader: NN version 6.4.19

drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux) writes:

>haynes@cats.ucsc.edu (Jim Haynes) writes:
>]In article <C0Iors.Mp8@cs.uiuc.edu> kadie@cs.uiuc.edu (Carl M. Kadie) writes:
>] >Primetime Live also said that
>] >an FBI study (dated January 1992?) concluded that there was no
>] >evidence of even one ritual-abuse related murder.
>] 
>] So!  Even the FBI is covering up for Satan!

>How Many times HAve I personally Written about
>the Evil SatanicKultRitualists in Washington DC
>and folks have NOT Taken Me Serious About IT!!!!!

>drieux
[remainder of satire deleted to save space]

Not all ritual abuse involves murder, cannibalism, and other actions
necessitating the disposal of a body.

Not all ritual abuse involves Satanists.

Not all ritual abuse survivors have buried memories and/or multiple
personalities. 

Not all ritual abuse survivors regain their memories due to prompting
from a therapist (under hypnosis or otherwise), friend, or reading a
book.

Yet, there *are* ritual abuse survivors outside the above categories
who speak out.

It is possible to believe the testimony of ritual abuse survivors
without subscribing to conspiracy theories.

I feel that the aforementioned satirical post minimizes, invalidates,
and indeed mocks the pain of those for whom the ritual abuse is an
undeniable reality.  I had hoped that all of those who read this group
would have exhibited more compassion, if not simple tact, than to
cross-post such a cheap shot to asar.  I feel that it was a truly
tasteless if not downright cruel act.  (My site does not receive
a.s.a.r.d, hence, I am posting here.)

Many survivors have great difficulty speaking up because their abusers
trained them to remain silent.  Many survivors struggle against their
own denial.  Speaking out is an essential part of such people's
healing.  To ridicule or invalidate their stories is to re-victimize
them.  Satire is generally for the purpose of ridicule.

From his actions, one might infer that drieux@wetware.com has a vested
interest in silencing such testimony - perhaps by virtue of being a
perp himself or by being in denial of his own abuse.  Or, one might
infer that he is a person incapable of experiencing compassion for the
sufferings of fellow humans and, furthermore, perhaps delights in
displaying his wit at the expense of others' pain.


**********************************************************************
*     Any attempt to impose        David L Nelson (Screaming Fist)   *
*     your will on another            dnelson@icaen.uiowa.edu        *
*     is an act of violence.           anon-1454@twwells.com         *
*        -Mahatma Gandhi               an1096@anon.penet.fi          *
**********************************************************************
From: anon.97@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: First post
Date: 13 Jan 1993 06:40:45 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.97@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au



Hello, asar people --

I have been reading for two months, waiting until courage was 
equal to desire.   I find that it is not easy to talk about 
what happened to me, even by anonymous email, but I am resolved 
to talk about it here.

I really love this newsgroup, this asar of yours.  Even with flamewars 
and crosspostings, it seems one of the best places on the net.  I want 
to join in, but it is hard.  I have labored like a stonecutter over 
these twelve or so lines.

I have to look at the header and .sig on this article before I launch
into this tale, so I will stop here.

Peace,

Ash

  email:  an2095@anon.penet.fi  anon-1478@twwells.com
          anon.97@pax.tpa.com.au



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: an353@anon.penet.fi (The Captain)
Subject: Re: Hi...a re-introduction to all
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 03:46:05 GMT

In article <C0KsFJ.K7K@acsu.buffalo.edu>
v039eag3@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Amy R Phillips) writes:

I never told anyone about these incidents until I was 20, but now they seem
to be ruling my life.  I am trying to help myself, but soemtimes I just
cannot seemn to get myself out of bed, so all the work involved with healing
seems a bit much.

**end of quoted material

I know exactly what you mean!  There are days where I too don't want to get
out of bed and deal with life.  You're not alone.

Ehugs if you need them; if you don't, pass them on!

The Captain
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From: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: telling about multiplicity
Date: 6 Jan 1993 18:16:48 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


We just spent a week with 4 other multiples.  Almost no interactions with
anyone else.  Got really used to saying 'we' all the time, got real used to
talking about all the inside folks, started getting used to talking about
abuse & actually having feelings.  It was really neat, it was really scared and
hard and wonderful.  Friends talk about 'community building' and how we have
a ethical/moral code we feel strong about -- feelings being okay, respecting
and believing each other -- neat stuff.

But that vacation is over and now its like I"m back in the 'real world'
want to 'come out' to more people as multiple.  but not sure how to.  you see,
we have hiding big parts of our life, we keep discovering scary things about
ourselves, that we hide for a while, talking only to good friends about, 
then start being more open about and finally jsut stop worrying whether someone
knows or not.

like being bisexual.
like being an incest survivor.

like being multiple?  we don't knw.

we scared talk to people. 

so....anyone have stories to tell?  advice to offer?  hints?

us peoples
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au    (prefered address)

an1308@anon.penet.fi
anon-1410@twwells.com


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From: anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: suzanna
Date: 12 Jan 93 04:29:03 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


poohbear just wanted to say she's read your posts specifically
the one in which you said you wished you had friends and all
asar people seemed to have them

wanted to let you know
i think you are neat and i like you
wanted to post because i thought private mail
might freak you out

anyway hello i am poohbear and am pretty weird
but wanted to say hello to you and kudos (that
means prizes and pride) to you for posting

poohbear



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From: anon-1325@twwells.com (Solace)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: More About Bears
Date: 12 Jan 93 05:30:46 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I want to stand up for poohbear and any other people who feel a need for
the comfort of stuffed animals, particularly Bears. As a boy...even into
my teens <blush> I slept with a Bear and played with my mangy menagerie
of stuffed animals. I still have my VERY FIRST BEAR, with whom I 
confided from my earliest memories right into puberty. He seems so small
now, and well worn, to be sure. But about 12 years ago I invested in a
LARGE, excellent Bear, a Bear a Man can be proud to call a Friend, and
that Bear, affectionately known as Ruffy, has been my one and only
bed-mate since 1980 (not that I'm proud of it - and please, NO sexual
jokes - Ruffy's my emotional inner child/best friend/good hug/etc.).

If any of you are out there alone at night, men or women, and want the
comfort of something soft and full of potential loving, I strongly
recommend shopping for "The Right Bear"...not just ANY Bear (although
they are a very fine species), but the one that best reflects your
personality. I firmly believe there is a Bear for every person and a 
Person for every Bear. Just ask Ruffy! (and any of the dozens of other
Bears I have around the apartment - I never know where they'll turn
up next...:-)

	Bears are for People who need Bears!
	People are for Bears who need People!
		Solace
Adopt a Bear TODAY!



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From: doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner)
Subject: Re: Recurring nightmares
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 16:18:10 GMT
Reply-To: dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
Organization: HP California Design Center, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1.4 PL7]

Suzanna (anon-1534@twwells.com) wrote:
: [lot's deleted ...]
:
:I'm sorry, I don't really know any ettiquette, on the net or out of
:it. I was taught that if I did something wrong I shoud apologise, and
:accept the punishment without rancour.

I think the point here was there was nothing to apologize for ... you
hadn't (and still haven't) done anything wrong in your posts.  So
there is no need for an apology.  In fact, your post about nightmares
and about people trying to coerce you into being as social as they
thought you should be has helped me clarify some of my own thinking.

I also apologize all the time, even when I've done nothing wrong, so I
can certainly understand it.  In my case, I learned to be very
critical of myself, to avoid punishment which in retrospect must have
seemed rather arbitrary.  Since there was no way to predict what was
going to be labeled "wrong", I learned to apologize for most
everything.

Anyway, I mostly want to say thanks for starting up a couple of good
discussions.

Doug Sojourner

dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
anon-1158@twwells.com
an651@anon.penet.fi
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton)
Subject: It's my birthday too, yeah :-(
Organization: Supercomputer Systems Division (SSD), Intel
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 20:01:26 GMT


You know that Beatles song right?  Well, it's my birthday.  January 7.
My mother called me at work (I've asked not to be called except in cases
of emergencies (she doesn't have my home phone #)) to wish me a happy day.
Not an emergency (maybe creates one for me).  Oh well.
I feel older than ever (makes sense) but so young in some ways.  I have
planned a non-birthday, except that it makes me angry that I can't celebrate
my life by recognizing this day.  I want to, but I'm not sure how.  I don't
want a party, those of you who read my last post know I'd be uncomfortable.
I want peace (as I almost always sign) from the struggle.  It's ok for me to
want that I think.
I'm tired, when I want to be inspired.  I want to be thankful, yet I feel 
bitter and sad.  I want to be strong and able, but I find myself being weak
apathetic.  And it goes on and on.

Peace,
Peter
-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peter Warton (The h was dropped     | Against my better judgement (not to
over 800 years ago)		    | mention the advice of my friends) I
warton@ssd.intel.com		    | speak for myself.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: gcook@horus.cem.msu.EDU (Greg Cook|xxxxxx)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Am I welcome here?
Date: 13 Jan 93 03:12:30 GMT
Organization: Michigan State University
NNTP-Posting-Host: horus.cem.msu.edu

I'm not a victim of abuse and can never understand the pain many of you
are feeling.  But, I understand that you are IN pain.

I never new this newsgroup existed until a.s.a.r.d showed up on my
newsfeeder.  Probably the most important group around.  It can save
lives.

My dear friend Wendy was severly abused as a child.  She lost her 40 year
battle with the trauma a year ago when she took her own life.  Even
though she had great friends, payed off her debts, finally stayed sober
for 8 years, was an artist, photographer, musician, the pain she felt
was stronger than any of it.

I applaud all of you for your courage to speak out about this.  Opening
eyes and ears is the only way the endless cycle of abuse can be stopped.

So, please, please, if you can't live for yourself, live for that next
child who might be in danger.

--Greg


     Gregory R. Cook         |  INTERNET:    gcook@horus.cem.msu.edu
 Department of Chemistry     |               cookgreg@student.msu.edu
Michigan State University    |  BITNET:      cook@msucem.BITNET
 East Lansing, MI  48824     |  COMPUSERVE:  74170,3010