From: Larry Margolis <margoli@watson.ibm.com>
Subject: Re: Finding Romantic Partners (long)
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 05:13:26 GMT
Reply-To: margoli@watson.IBM.com
Disclaimer: This posting represents the poster's views, not necessarily those of IBM
Organization: The Village Waterbed

In  <1992Aug17.204016.25260@nuchat.sccsi.com>  kevin@nuchat.sccsi.com (Kevin Brown) writes:
> In article <1992Aug16.221555.30817@watson.ibm.com> margoli@watson.IBM.com writes
> >
> >It's really hard to talk about life to someone who seems to be having
> >trouble grasping the basic concepts.
>
> So it seems.  So, that being the case, please explain the basic concepts...

OK.  Basic concept number 1.  Life happens.  If you spend all your time
trying to understand the rules, it will pass you by.  (Or, as someone
posted previously, you can have a life or a clue, but not both together.)

> >But Stan didn't.  Had he looked at the odds and decided to go somewhere
> >else with a "better" male/female ratio, he might have not met *anyone*,
> >despite the greatly improved odds.
>
> Right.  He *might* not have met anyone.  But then, he *might* have, too.
> But that's not the issue!  The question is how *likely* it is that he would
> have met anyone.

Not very likely, with the knowledge that he had to go by.  But it worked
out, regardless of the odds - which is the point we're trying to make.

> So far, it's been things like the computer room, classes, etc.

What about parties?  Do you ever go?  Are you ever invited?  Do you ever hear
about any?  Have you ever thrown one?

Your chances are *much* better in a social situation.

> And I haven't tried acting yet.  I'll bet acting will work great, because
> it is about the most perverse thing I can think of,

You really *do* lack an imagination, don't you?  :-)

> >The problem with this, of course, is that (theoretically, at least) people
> >go to classes to learn something.
>
> Well, yes.  Theoretically.
>
> In real life, of course, it seems that people go to classes *not* to learn
> something, but simply to meet the degree requirements.

That too, but *not* for the purpose of meeting a SO, which was my point.

> Were this not the
> case, I wouldn't get so many people insisting that I not ask questions
> during the lecture ("so the professor can cover all the material that is
> supposed to be on the test").  And, of course, I tell such people to take
> a hike, because *I'm* there to learn and I don't give a damn what *they*
> say.  If they want to learn something different then they can ask their
> own damned questions!

1.  If you're the only one that needs to ask these questions, perhaps
    it's related to your learning disabilities rather than to a lack of
    interest in the subject matter on their part?  In which case maybe
    you could ask the questions after the class?

2.  Telling them to take a hike and not giving a damn about their
    feelings could be related to your lack of success in getting
    to know your classmates more intimately.

> >It's hard for me to imagine two environments in which you know *nothing*
> >but the male-female ratio.
>
> Well, nothing useful, anyway.
>
> It's easy for me to imagine such environments.  For instance, a freshman
> english class.

You know they're basically all freshpeople.

> Or registration.

You know they're all college students.  Depending on how the registration is
set up, you might even be able to determine what majors people are.

> Or the cafeteria.

You know they have a strong stomach.  :-)

(etc.)

> And, of course, this doesn't even touch on the problem of *how* to
> change your attractiveness level, something about which I haven't a
> clue (other than working out, that is).

As I suggested in another post, having female friends helps here.

> >Nope.  It means if you see someone interesting, you go to talk with
> >her, regardless of the suitability of the environment or the statistical
> >likelihood that she'd want to go out with you based on the number of
> >other men present.
>
> In other words, you try anyway, regardless of the odds?

Bingo!  A light bulb lights up.  Bells ring.  Tens of thousands of
readers stand up and cheer!  :-)

> So: they want to see confidence, eh?  No problem.  But won't they be
> surprised when they find out that it was all an act...

Remember the song, Whistle a Happy Tune?  It starts out,
   Whenever I feel afraid,
   I hold my head erect
   And whistle a happy tune,
   so no one will suspect
   I'm afraid.

At the end, it goes:
   And when I fool
   the people I fear,
   I fool myself as well...

If you act confident, and it leads to success, then that will *give*
you confidence, so it won't be an act after a while.

Larry Margolis, MARGOLI@YKTVMV (Bitnet), margoli@watson.IBM.com (Internet)