From: uunet!cos!tango!bob1@ncar.UCAR.EDU (Bob Blackshaw)
Subject: Marriage etc.
Status: R
Originator: nadel@aerospace.aero.org
Organization: The Aerospace Corporation, El Segundo, CA
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 14:46:12 GMT


Another digest has arrived, and here's the old man of the mountains
back again. I won't quote a lot of statistics, mainly because with
a 65 mile round trip commute, 4-1/2 acres of grounds to look after
and landscape, there isn't that much reading time. Lets just say
this comes from a few years of living.

Tori, I'm with you - lets nip that verboten topic in the bud and
stop being so lazy.

Jym raised a point that makes me wonder if it explains why women
get so frustrated about misogyny. We can legally "attack" the
KKK, but this unorganized yet widespread misogyny does not have
an American Union of Misogynists to take to court, to picket, or
whatever. It is like fighting a cloud of smoke, you can't get a
grip on it, but it can damn well choke you all the same.

I guess the "Traditional Family" is still alive in some areas,
but is certainly undergoing change. Raising children is not
something that any of us ever received much (if any) training
for, and is not a trivial task. Having bonded early with my
son (technique available upon request) and still find that
this gentle giant kisses his dad goodbye, I can only rec-
commend LOVE as the basis. Whatever the atmosphere in the
home during my first marriage, I'm pretty certain that he
never doubted that love. This was pretty much the same deal
I had as a child (was that the training?).

I'm not certain who posted the original, nor even who posted
a response, but the subject line was Male/Female bitterness.
I can say that I do understand the original poster's feelings
of bitterness if she was relating personal experience. I would
however, like to relate a personal experience for whatever
value it may hold. A dear friend of mine had a very traumatic
childhood, abused by both parents. Even after her father died
(and she had no contact with the woman who bore her [her words])
she was understandably bitter and unforgiving to this woman.
I suggested to her that since there was no contact, the woman
(her mother) was unaware and unaffected by her feelings. She,
on the other hand, was being eaten up by them. Eventually,
she forgave her mother - in her own mind, not by any personal
contact - and her life began to change. A lot of symptoms of
the bitterness (high blood pressure, nightmares, etc) began
to disappear. Was this what Jesus meant? Who knows, it seems
to have worked.

Reverence is, I hope, a part of marriage - and in the best of
all worlds it goes both ways. Reverence towards others - both
men and women - is not necessarily patronizing (I guess it
depends on who is doing the revering and for what reasons).

Well, Cindy, Muffy & Miriam won't let me use the S word :-),
but getting to know people for who they "really" are is such
great good fun, that I will never comprehend the mental sloth
that would rather use them.

Well, that is about enough - peace to all the s.f posters.

REB

Usual stuff


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