From: glenb@hpnmdla.sr.hp.com (Glen Baker)
Newsgroups: rec.skiing
Subject: rec.skiing FAQ 08/7
Date: 14 Aug 92 01:08:08 GMT
Organization: What, me? Organized?


            The rec.skiing Frequently Asked Questions List
                              -or-
   Everything you always wanted to know about skiing and were *just* about
   to ask by posting.

   The rec.skiing FAQ is a work in progress and is maintained by glen
   baker (glenb@sr.hp.com) Additions and corrections to the FAQ are 
   welcome. If you have an addition or correction to make please take the
   time to write it out in the format of the FAQ so that I don't have
   to try to figure out how to say what you're trying to say!

   Index:
       1) Warnings  
       2) Equipment
       3) Clothing
       4) Technique
       5) Transportation
       6) Lodging
       7) Miscellaneous
       8) Lest we become too serious

 ------------- Section 08: Lest we become too serious -------------

 8.01) "What's the difference between an 80% slope and and 80% grade?"

   This one's so simple, I can't believe a techno-weenie like you would
   ask: an 80% slope is an indication of how steep a hill is, an 80% 
   grade is an indication of what percentage of skiers will make it to 
   the bottom. For example, on a hill that's graded 100%, all skiers will
   make it to the bottom.  Period.   

   Contrast this with a 10% grade, on which most skiers will get bored 
   and cut out before the bottom. 

   A more interesting question might be: what distribution will the 
   impacted beginners at the bottom of above-mentioned 100% grade follow?

   (Hint: most will wind up pretty close to directly below their starting
   point)

 8.02) "Why do I have to obey the stupid "Out of Bounds" markers, the 
       ski patrol, they're real dumb, they close runs that I know I 
       can ski."

   Actually, it's an intelligence test.  It's a study being done on apes
   vs. humans.  So far the apes are winning. Humans vs. slugs might be a 
   fairer contest.

 8.03) "What should I wear?"

   Depends on what level skier you are.  If you're a beginner, any 
   loud colour will do, the brighter the better.  This will enable other 
   beginners to see you clearly from a distance, and plan a course, such 
   that no matter what you do, they will run into you.

   If you're an expert skier, you'll prefer pastels, earth tones and 
   lighter colours, making you a less visible target for crash and burn 
   types. You'll also look less like some mutant prize from a Cracker 
   Jack box. However you want to make sure it's not the same colour as 
   the indigenous trees, or you'll find the beginners will find you and 
   crash into you anyways.
  
 8.04) "How do I put on chains?"

   Layering is important here.  First you start with one or more layers 
   of leather, then ... Oops!, sorry, wrong newsgroup.

   Tell your navigator/SO/wife/husband/kids to get out and put the
   chains on.  Bring extra reading material in case they take a while.
	
   wait until someone else with chains comes along and offer them
   $$$ to put yours on for you.  After they're done, but prior to the
   cash transaction, "accidentally" unhook one of their chains and
   drive away quickly.  Works every time. (Did I mention a bolt-cutter
   is the most effective "accidental" unchainer?)

 8.05) "What length skis should I buy?"

   You want either a VS (Very short), or VL (Very Long) model.  Very 
   Short skis are good for things like cutting in lift lines, doing 
   on-snow 360's without catching an edge, and getting laughed at 
   (don't worry, it's just other people's inferiority complex over 
   not being able to handle small skis!)  Just think of how much wax 
   you'll save in a single season!

   VL skis (ie 215's or more) are good for a variety of other reasons:  
   you're less likely to inadvertantly do backflips and such with long, 
   stable skis, makes going straight easier (think of all the effort 
   you'll save by not turning!), and the extra length makes for more 
   safety when you hit trees, there is a much greater crumple zone. 
   Think of 215's as the Volvo's of skis.

 8.06) "How do I ski bumps?"

   Don't bend your knees!  If you do, you'll just keep hitting bump 
   after bump after bump...  By not bending you knees, you'll gradually 
   keep clearing more and more bumps with each succeeding aerial excursion.

 8.07) "How do I ski powder?"

   Don't!  Under no conditions should you ever ski powder! You could be 
   buried, lose your skis, catch an edge, etc.  Leave it for the experts. 
   If there's more than 36 inches of it, page me, I'll come and track 
   that nasty powder down, making it safe for you and your friends.

   (By the time I finish writing this, Eugene will have already written 
   a program to intercept my page, and introduce an n-hour delay, n 
   being roughly proportional to the number of new inches.)

 8.08) "How do I ski groomed runs?"

   If you really meant to ask this question, consider taking up golf 
   instead.  Then again, there's not that much difference between golf 
   and skiing groomed runs.

 8.09) "Where are some cheap accommodations for skiing Vail?"

   Try Witchita, Kansas.  You may still be able to get reservations 
   for this year.

 8.10) "What are the conditions like at Ski-Wannabe?"

   Good.  Great.  In fact excellent.  Ski conditions are always better 
   than the resort reports indicate.  Ski reports are designed to keep 
   skiiers away and reduce crowds. So the worse the report, the better 
   the skiing is likely to be!

 8.11) "HEY, I'M NEW TO THIS BOARD AND I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I 
       THINK THIS IS A TO DIE FOR GROUP.  MY BROTHER, HE'S REAL 
       KOOL, HE SKIIED WITHOUT ANY POLES ONCE!  HAS ANYONE ELSE 
       EVER DONE THAT?"

   No comment. (Ed.: I always thought BIFF would be the snowboarding type)

 8.12) "Where can I go where there's no danger of avalanche?"

   Barbados.

 8.13) "Where can I buy discount tickets for any resort in the U.S.?"

   Why in the parking lot of course!  Sure it's totally illegal, and 
   you're ripping off the ski resort, but hey, you've already spent 
   hundreds of dollars on travel, lodging and food, damned if you're 
   going to pay a couple bucks more to support the ski resort, pay for 
   the ski patrol, etc.  Who the hell do they think they are to charge
   more than you happen to feel like paying!

 8.14) "Where should I go for the best nightlife?"

   LA or NYC. (a tip of the ole toque to BG for this one :)

 8.15) "I'm a beginner, what should I do?"

   Take up lawn darts or croquet, they're much safer. Alternatively, 
   for only $55/hr, plus a season lift pass for Vail, and room and 
   board, I'd be glad to teach you a thing or two.

 8.16) "Where's the best snow?"

   For a small suitcase full of genuine, unmarked $100 bills, I'd be 
   glad to tell you.

-- 
Grant Robinson -- ClariNet Communications Corp, Sunnyvale, CA 
Newsgroups: rec.skiing