From: awv0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (ALAN WRIGHT VEROSTICK)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Apartment Pranks....
Date: 16 Oct 92 18:13:07 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

Hi!

Some time ago, someone asked for jokes that could be pulled off in apartments.
What follows this header is the chapter entitled "Apartments" from George
Hayduke's book on revenge techniques called "Getting Even".

Enjoy!


APARTMENTS

     Your mark(victim) lives in an apartment?  A squirt or so of Eastman 910 or a
similar type glue in the lock can screw up the mark's trying to get back into
the apartment after an evening on the town.  It's best to save this one until
late evening or on a weeking.  Of cours, this same stunt would work on a
house, but an apartment lockout disturbance creates more of a public scene.

    If the mark's apartment is an older building with wooden doorframes and
you can work quietly and quickly at night, you can lock him/her in the
apartment from the outside.  Quitely fit a hasp and keeper on the door and
frame using wood screws.  Then slap a padlock on the new fixture.  It creates
a great deal of frustration if that door is the only way out of the apartment.
Do it late Saturday night so the discovery is made on Sunday morning when it's
impossible to get help.

    Run a classified ad offering to sublet the mark's apartment.  You can list
either the mark's phone number or that of his/her landlord.  As usual, make
the contact hour for very early in the morning "because of shift-work
schedule."

    You might want to make a "milk run" to the mark's apartment very early on
several mornings and place a whole bunch of empty booze bottles outside his or
her door.  This works well in ritzy apartments where the neighbors are snobs.
How do you get by the security people?  One way is to pose as a delivery
person, a service person, a building inspector, or someone on a work crew.
You can also hire an accomplice in the building, or you can bribe the door
guard.

    Suppose you are the victim of a nasty landlord who evicts you for no good
reason.  There are lots of legal ways to get your tenant's rights, but there
are also many quasi-legal and illegal ways that are much more fun.  For
example, you could simple "sublet" the place, on your own, to a bunch of
dopers, bikers, drunks, hookers, runaways, or twenty-four-hour party throwers.
Make this extracurricular subletting your going-away surprise.

    Another person I know went to the local animal shelter on several
different days and got a total of fifteen cats for twenty-five dollars.  He
bought a buch of cat food and a bushel basket of fish, and filled his bathtub
with water for them.  He then nailed every window and door shut from the
inside before crawling out the tiny casement window in the basement.  He had
previously nailed the basement door shut behind him.  Obviouslym he had moved
his things out several days previously.  His eviction notice was effective the
next day, but the landlord didn't check on the house for five days.  My God,
what a mistake that man made.  To say that that cat house was an uninhabitable
mess is an understatement.

    Tim Carroll was tosses out of his apartment by the landlady because one of
Tim's many lady friends stayed over for the entire evening.  This upset the
old biddu who owned the building, and being a staunch, God-fearing charter
member of the DAR, she cancelled his lease and ordered his to leave the
building.

    Displeased with the arbitrary and unilateral treatment and the upheaval
caused by her dubious moral judgement, Tim didn't get angry; he got even.  He
had a trusted friend place a large sign in a hallway window of the landlady's
apartment building.  The seventh-floor window faced a busy business street,
and the sign was quite visible to many hundreds of people.

    The sign read: TIM CARROLL SUCKS.

    The landlady didn't see the sign, so two days later, Tim's friend
positioned another sign, this time in a sixth-floor-hall window.

    The second sign read: TIM CARROLL IS A FAG.

    The landlady saw both signs and removed them.  Two days later she got a
letter from Tim, with a picture enclosed showing her building with the signs
easily visible.  The letter cas Tim's complaint about personal slander and
harassment.  He asked her please to desist.

    Sometime early the next morning, in time for rush-hour morning traffic, a
new sign went up in the window: TIM CARROLL BLOWS DEAD BEARS.

    At 8:30 A.M., the unsuspecting landlady received a call from an attorney
friend of Tim's, citing the original slander and warning the woman against
further incident.  Shaken, she swore her innocence.  Ten minutes after hanging
up, he called back, sounding furious because Tim had just called him about the
latest sign.  Falbbergasted, the old lady swore she would remove it a loudly
proclaimed her innocence.

    Another sign went up that afternoon in time for rush hour traffic the
other way: TIM CARROLL IS A FLAMING HETEROSEXUAL.

    The landlady got the lawyer's call just after dark, when the sign was no
longer visible.  She was almost in tears because of his threats to sue.  She
begged to talk to Tim, to tell him none of this was her doing.  The attorney
told her that he had advised his client to have no further discussions with
her.

    The next day's sign read: FOR A GOOD LAY, CALL TIM CARROLL.

    That evening, a new sign went up.  The landlady, frantic, according tro
Tim's friend who was putting up the signs, got to it fifteen minutes after it
went up.  The attorney called her five minutes after she got back to her own
apartment.

    Tim related, "You might almost feel sorry for the old lady, except that
she had told me earlier that she was going to keep my security deposit and
that I would have to forfeit the month's rent I had paid in advance because I
had violated that morality clause in my lease.  There was no such clause.  I
found out she had done this same thing to two other guys a year before and
some guys before that.  She also tossed out a couple because they weren't
married.  She'd come into your room when you were gone and snoop, too.  That
bugged me."

    No signs went up for the next three days, although the woman checked the
windows every twenty minutes or so.  On the fourth day, hundreds of passerby,
accustomed to the signs, weren't dissapointed.

    The new signs read: TIM CARROLL'S WHOREHOUSE.

    Although it took her an hour to discover and remove it, the lawyer friend
didn't call until the next morning, when a new sign was in the window:
WHOREHOUSE UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT.  The landlady's telephone number was listed.

    A second sign was placed in the sixth-floor window underneath: TIM CARROLL
COULDN'T BEAT THE COMPETITION.

    In his best tones, the attorney explained that enough was enough and that
on behalf of his client, Mr. Carroll, he would be filing an action.  The woman
was distraught.  He told her to have her attorney present for a meeting at
three the following afternoon.  He asked who her attorney was and said the
meeting should be in his office.  Tim and his attorney postponed the meeting
several times, then told the woman that since she had stopped putting up the
signs, they would hold the suit in limbo for the time.

    Reportedly, she monitored the halls and windows of that building regularly
for five months.  But more inportantly, she also left her tenants to their own
moral lives.



-- 
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Alan W. Verostick(Tarkus)              | "An artist's first responsibility is
215-758-1728                           |  to himself."
AWV0@PL122F.EECS.LEHIGH.EDU            |               -Miles Davis
AWV0@LEHIGH.EDU                        |
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