From: daniel@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Daniel Bowen)
Subject: TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES #117
Followup-To: rec.humor.d,aus.jokes.d
Summary: Piss Weak Toxic Custard
Keywords: Toxic Custcrap Workshit Files
Reply-To: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu
Organization: Monash University, Melb., Australia.
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 21:30:25 GMT


In article <1992Sep29.164718.12569@topaz.ucq.edu.au> in aus.jokes,
slaterk@topaz.ucq.edu.au writes:
> The toxic custard workshop files are a complete and utter waste of reading
> time.
> I can't see how students or otherwise can afford time spend so much time
> compiling and editing such shit.

Quite right, it's a huge and complete pile of horse shit with half-a-
million stinking flies flying around just dying to sink their fangs
into it! The authors deserve to be chopped into small bits and put
through the digestive system of a female rhino on heat before being
scooped up and flattened by a forty ton steam-roller going 20
kilometres over the speed limit.
    Let's face it, no-one finds TCWF funny. For instance, I can't stand
the fucking thing. And that's good enough for me. I'm telling you, If
my eyeballs so much as catch sight of the letters T C W and F in that
order, they explode, covering everything and everyone around me with
various limbs and dubious bodily substances.
    Every single issue, should they not cause my head to blow up,
causes me to fall asleep at the keyboard. No, not fall asleep,
regurgitate. Yuck, there's vomit all over the screen, and in between
the keys, and everything.
    Oh CHRIST, here comes another one!

---t--c--w--f--1--1--7------------------------WFTC-Toxic Custard Workshop Files
*******  ***** *         * ******* * * ****** FTCW Custard Workshop Files Toxic
   *    *       *   *   *  *       * *      * TCWF Workshop Files Toxic Custard
   *    *        * * * *   *****   * *     *  CWFT Files Toxic Custard Workshop
   *     *****    *   *    *       * *    *---WFTC-Number 117-12th October 1992

I'm fed up with X brand condoms
They're all full of little holes
The rubber isn't smooth and soft                                              G
And kids aren't a current goal                                                o
                                I won't buy no more cheapo bread              o
                                It tastes like complete crap                  d
                                Eat too much and end up dead
                                Dead as ten kamikaze Japs                     m
And as for low price t-shirts                                                 o
They really just don't fit                                                    r
They lose their shape, sleeves fall off                                       n
They're a festering pile of shit                                              i
                                I'll steer clear of no name videos            n
                                They jam in the machine                       g
                                Spew tape in all directions                   ,
                                Picture quality's obscene
I've put a ban on budget cat-food                                             w
The cats will just ignore                                                     h
And if per chance they try a bit                                              a
It's thrown up on the floor                                                   t
                                Cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap                 e
                                More cheaps than a bird cage                  v
                                Bargains low price cheap reduced              e
                                All made for less than the minimum wage       r
No more bargain garbage bags
They split and spill, you see                                                 y
They leave the neighbourhood smelling worse                                   o
Than a bucket of KFC                                                          u
                                Those cheap batteries piss me off
                                Running down like others don't                a
                                Leaking acid every where                      r
                                Turning Bee Gees to baritones                 e
I'm sick of Home Brand wipers                                                 .
They drip all on the floor
They fall apart like El Al planes                                             T
And soak up bugger all                                                        h
                                                                              e
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
                                                                              s
TRANSYLVANIA WATERS - a real life drama looking into the everyday lives       i
of a family of vampires. This week, Noeline denies she has a blood            d
addiction problem, and gets an apology from the Federal Health                e
Minister. Paul and Dione stay out after dawn accidentally, and Laurie         w
narrowly dodges half a dozen angry viewers armed with wooden stakes.          a
                                                                              y
PS. Isn't Noeline Donaher a dead-ringer for Noeline Hogan!?!                  s

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -       m
                                                                              e
ROCK NEWS - THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF **MEGABOGUE**                        s
                                                                              s
Megabogue, the all-Australian very heavy-metal bastard band currently         a
in the USA on their "Touring The USA" tour, have been kicked out of the       g
Four-Star Garbagio Hotel in San Francisco. The band haven't actually          e
been fortunate enough to be booked for any concerts while in America,
but decided to go ahead with the tour anyway just to try and gain some        i
publicity, a ploy which has failed utterly.                                   s
    Hotel manager Mr Martin Believable claimed that members of the band
had systematically demolished the entire building by first visiting           s
every single room and smashing in the bathroom mirrors, throwing the          a
television sets out of the windows, upturning the beds, some of which         d
still had one or more guests in them. Harry "Headbanger" Wall, the lead       l
guitarist then placed explosives to structurally weaken the hotel while       y
bass guitar player Bonk Mee moved in with bulldozers and one of those
big balls on the end of a chain that you always see demolishing crews         d
using. Rhythm guitarist Vimmy "The Thorn" made several suggestive             e
comments about balls, and other parts of the anatomy to passing women.        p
    The end result was that the hotel building, and quite a few around        l
it, were razed. Developers have offered to buy the site and turn it           e
into a multi-storey car park instead.                                         t
    Megabogue's manager R. Orf-Severely discounted accusations that it        e
was all just a big publicity stunt, and pointed out the unexpected            d
result of the entire band, their entourage of three, and himself,
ending up imprisoned for four years. He said that naturally the band          t
would be putting forward an appeal, prepared by their unfortunately low       h
paid and under-qualified attorney.                                            i
                                                                              s
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, that was Terrible. Custard Wasn't Funny                                   w
for the one-hundred and twelfth week running.                                 e
Big bloody surprise. Pathetic. Irresponsible.                                 e
Shameful. Slanderous. Worthless. Erroneous.                                   k
Arthropodic. Kaput. And if you'd like more                                    .
of this crap by email, reply to this, or send
mail to tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu for a
subscription.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (C) 1992 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, Monash University | Apparently the end of the world is due on the
Melbourne, Australia------------| 19th of October... which is a bummer for my
daniel@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au----| sister, whose birthday is the day after. I
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu | guess we save on presents this year, eh sis?