HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: podgorny@npac.syr.edu (Marek Podgorny)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Organization: Northeast Parallel Architectures Center at Syracuse University (NPAC)
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 92 19:28:12 EDT

In article <1992Aug27.164852.1876@gtephx.UUCP> forda@gtephx.UUCP (Andrew Ford @ AGCS, Phoenix, Arizona) writes:
>
>So Mario, when did you buy the net?  
>
>Or did God die and appoint you his successor?
>
>Where the hell do you get off telling other people what's funny?
>
>Get a sense of humor or get the fuck off rec.humor!
>
>[OOOOOhhhh, a nasty word! Someone call the Thought Police and
>have me arrested!]  
>
>If polock jokes offend you, then don't read posting with
>a subject line including polack!
>
>You do not own this newgroup, you do not control this
>newsgroup, and you have NO RIGHTS in this newsgroup,
>so shut up.
>AH

You seem to be an avid consumer of jokes, aren't you? Your right to
be amused shouldn't be limited in any way, right? If somebody tries
to disturb you,  you will kick his ass, wont you? In which cave have
you spent your childhood?

So much for your attitude. Now for the merit: it is your right to
amuse yourself in whatever way you chose. No one will protest against
ethnic jokes posted to rec.humor. Quite another thing is cross-posting 
such jokes to soc.culture.whatever - such  an act is an intentional
offence. The discussion you so intelligently joined is carried out
in soc.culture.polish, and it gets to rec.humor onle because it
originated there.

If changing distribution is not beyond your limits, do it, and get
out of here. Or, come to my place and tell me a polack joke face
to face. You will have a chance to find out what legal consequences
you might face and what MY RIGHTS are.

Marek Podgorny, NPAC, SU


>
>
>-- 
>"25 States allow anyone to buy a gun, strap it on, and walk down the street with
>no permit of any kind: some say it's crazy.  However, 4 out of 5 US murders are 
>committed in the other half of the country: so who is crazy?"   -  Andrew Ford
>gtephx!forda@enuucp.eas.asu.edu  OR  !uunet!samsung!romed!enuucp!gtephx!forda


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: tim@hpdstma.ptp.hp.com ()
Subject: Re: Jokes to offend almost everybody (repost, these aren't my jokes)
Organization: Hewlett Packard
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 23:11:22 GMT

Nuke the gay whales!
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish
From: anton@gagme.chi.il.us (Andrzej Borowiec)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Originator: anton@gagme
Organization: Gagme Public Access UNIX, Chicago, Illinois.
Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1992 07:12:31 GMT

Son comes to his father.
"Dad," he asks, "do you know where Poland is?"
"I don't know son, but it couldn't be far away,
'cos we have that dumb Polack at work, and he once said
that it only takes him 15 minutes to get to work."

--------------

How can one tell a good Thai restaurant?
Thai people eat there.
How can one tell a good French restaurant?
French people eat there.
How can one tell a good Japanese restaurant?
Japanese people eat there.
How can one tell a really bad Polish restaurant?
Americans eat there.

2nd punchline:
Is it really bad because they eat there, 
or do they eat there becuse it's really bad?

--------------

enjoy...
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: wayne@dmntor.UUCP (Wayne)
Subject: Pass that Kane Test!
Organization: Digital Media Networks
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 92 03:29:00 GMT


>From: barb@ufycorp.Unify.Com (Barbara Kane)
>Date: Tue, 1 Sep 92 23:09:20 GMT

>>   wayne@dmntor.UUCP (Wayne) writes:
>>   You know, ...( pithy humour deleted) 
>>   huge hurling chunks too.  
>>                        ^
>>                        You forgot the comma.....;&)
>Barbara Kane					 
>Unify Corporation				
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>                  Who is this Anonymous guy, anyway?
			       ^
			       |
			       |-------You forgot lower case.
					   ;^>

    Memo to: Barbara Kane
    From   : Anonymous Guy

    I got your message loud and clear.  No longer will I be 
    anonymous.  You have breathed life into my withered .sig
    and I thank you.  Please see below for my new and improved
    bottom part of posting thingy whatever. I'm so excited.
    I hope it passes the dreaded "Kane inspection".



    get ready......



============================================================
               I herein opine. Therefore, it is mine.
           If you opt to blame, 'tis me you should flame.

Wayne Barss
Digital Media Networks                               Toronto 
============================================================ 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: BACS Data Communications Group <commgrp@silver.ucs.indiana.edu>
Subject: broom joke
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 22:50:21 GMT

Two brooms decided to get married.  A week before the ceremony, the 
bride broom informed the groom broom that she was expecting a little 
whisk broom.

The groom broom was aghast.  "How can that be possible?" he asked the 
bride broom. "We've never swept together!"

--

Frank     reid@ucs.indiana.edu
From: rivera@husc8.harvard.edu (Francisco Rivera)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: People actually wrote these !!
Date: 23 Aug 92 20:31:45 GMT
Organization: Harvard University Science Center

This is totally for real.

USDA-Forest Service File Designation 6230-4
Negative Report

Instructions:
A negative report is often required to assure the receiving offic that the 
reporting requirement has not been overlooked.  Unless reporting instructions
specifically state that a negative report is not required, this form should be submitted when there is nothing to report.
-- 
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
FranCisco Rivera       		I was serious with a furrowed brow.  I just
rivera@husc.harvard.edu	          fell in love.  What do I do now? -Squeeze
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: BACS Data Communications Group <commgrp@silver.ucs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Re: Christian Joke
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 22:45:54 GMT

The Bible says it's alright to be a bitch:

"Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Jerusalem."

--

Frank     reid@ucs.indiana.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: wcox@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: RE: Shes So Fat II
Organization: Clark University
Date: 29 AUG 92 19:42:21 GMT

In a previous article, lsalvati@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Louis M Salvati) wrote:
> Sorry about that last post I don't know what happend 
> here is the rest.
> 
> Shes so fat when we make love I have to roll her in flour to

Just not your day, is it?  :)

						-Grace

/----------------------------------------------------------------------\
[	    It's only for a while.  I hope you understand.             ]
[ 	I never wanted this to happen, never wanted to be a man.       ]
[ 	So I hid inside my world, and took what I could find.          ]
[ 	I cried when I was lonely.  I fell down when I was blind.      ]
[								       ]
[						-Guns N' Roses         ]
\----------------------------------------------------------------------/
    Wcox@vax.clarku.edu OR Wcox@nyx.cs.du.edu OR Wcox@black.clarku.edu
From: walker@superboy.jsc.nasa.gov (Doug Walker)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Need Dan Quayle jokes...
Date: 1 Sep 92 18:28:47 GMT
Reply-To: walker@superboy.jsc.nasa.gov
Organization: NASA Johnson Space Center

In article <1992Aug28.113556.49576@ccvax.ucd.ie>, wboatclb@ccvax.ucd.ie writes:
|> In article <1992Aug27.160743.17220@smartstar.com>, syspb@smartstar.com (Paul) writes:
|> > Dan Quayle was asked if he would ever run for President.  He said that
|> > he would consider running in 1994, but he wanted to see if George Bush 
|> > gets re-elected first.
|> > (The election is in 1996 Danny Boy!)
|>                                     
|>   Ah come on now, let's be fair to Danny.
|> 
|>  He said that he'd _consider_ running in '94,
|>  i.e. decide in '94 if he'll seek nomination
|>  for '96.  Get-it?
|>                                     
Yeah, Right.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: whetzel@grok82 (john whetzel)
Subject: Re: Call for Football Jokes...
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Date: Tue, 01 Sep 92 16:48:08 GMT

11mwarner@gallua.gallaudet.edu writes:
: 
: 
: Can anyone please E-mail me any football jokes they may have?  I play football
: at my college and the offensive line (I'm a guard, BTW) always has someone tell
: a joke during practice so the longer the better.  Thanks a lot.  

Q. How many football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


A. One, but he gets three hours credit.
From: posey@iies.ecn.purdue.edu (Edwin Posey)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: cowboy gear
Date: 27 Aug 92 23:25:58 GMT
Organization: Purdue University Engineering Computer Network

A couple of yankee ladies were checking out a bar in
West Texas, and struck up a conversation with a local.
"Tell me," one trilled, "why do you cowboys wear such
funny clothes?"
"Well, its this way, ma'am. This ten gallon Stetson
keeps the sun out of my eyes so's I can keep track of
them  little dogies.  The neckerchief comes in handy
when the dust is blowin, and the vest and chaps keep
them mesquite thorns from rippin' off my hide.
Oh yes - and the tennis shoes? They keep people from
thinking we're truck drivers ..."
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: smmyers@pbhyg.PacBell.COM (Sean M. Myers)
Subject: Re: Shes So Fat
Organization: Pacific * Bell
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 20:06:55 GMT
Keywords: fat, she, tofu

In article <1992Aug31.122940.16377@njitgw.njit.edu> lxf8351@hertz.njit.edu (lawrence finkel cis stnt) writes:
>
>      She is so fat...
>	 	   ... they rent her back out for advertising space.
>
>	           ...when she watches the Macys Thanksgiving Parade
>		      kids ask their parents which float she'll be
>		      tied to.
>
>

Seen on "The Last Boyscout"

Bruce Willis says:

      "She is so fat that when we have sex, I just slap her thigh and ride
       the wave in."


  -+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+-
  +   Sex without love is an empty experience,    |                         +
  =   but, as empty experiences go,               |                         =
  +   it's one of the best.     -- Woody Allen    |                         +
  -+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+--+=+-
From: oleg@crash.cts.com (Oleg Rovner)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Christian Joke
Date: 2 Sep 92 07:01:40 GMT
Organization: CTS Network Services (crash, ctsnet), El Cajon, CA

In article <rdippold.715304827@cancun> rdippold@cancun.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold) writes:
>
>There was a great thread a while back on why Jesus had to be Jewish
>(or Italian), and included:
>
>1) His mother thought he was God
>2) He thought his mother was a virgin
>3) He just wanted to be a doctor/lawyer, although he got nailed on his
>boards. 
>
>Any more?

Of course there's always the  Discordian Riddle:

If Jesus was Jewish, then how come he had a Mexican name?
From: david@c-cat.UUCP (dave)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Medical Terminology
Date: 2 Sep 92 14:57:42 GMT
Organization: Intergalactic Rest Area For Weary Travellers

Brian R. O'Hern (BRO'HERN) writes:

>                                MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY
>                                  For The Layman:
> 
>                          ARTERY - The study of fine paintings.
>                          BARIUM - What to do when CPR fails.
>                CESAREAN SECTION - A District in Rome.
>                           COLIC - A sheep-dog.
>                            COMA - A punctuation mark.
>                      CONGENITAL - Friendly.
>                          DILATE - To live longer.
>                      EUTHENASIA - Kids in China.
>                          FESTER - Quicker.
>                     G.I. SERIES - Baseball series between teams of militia.
>                          GRIPPE - A suitcase.
>                       HANG-NAIL - A coat hook.
>                   MEDICAL STAFF - A Doctor's cane.
>                 MINOR OPERATION - Coal digging.
>                          MORBID - A higher offer.
>                         NITRATE - Usually lower than the day rate.
>                            NODE - Was aware of.
>                         ORGANIC - Musical.
>                      OUTPATIENT - A person who has fainted in a hospital.
>                  POST-OPERATIVE - A letter carrier.
>                         PROTEIN - In favor of young people.
>                       SECRETION - Hiding anything.
>                        SEROLOGY - Study of English Nighthood.
>                          TABLET - A small table.
>                           TUMOR - An extra pair.
>                           URINE - Opposite of "You're Out!"
>                  VARICOSE VEINS - Veins which are very close together.

The is supposed to be Baltimore (balmorease) Medical Terminology.
At least, thats what is said on the top of the list when I got it at the
office.


                                                       -David

China Cat System     
(301)604-5976 8N1
david@sandr.com 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ara@wam.umd.edu (Ford Prefect)
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Keywords: joke, very funny, haha, etc.
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Sat, 29 Aug 1992 02:12:40 GMT

>On the TV show Sledgehammer, I heard Sledge say one time:
>"Guns don't kill people, bullets do"
>
>
>I think that TV show is really funny.  Too bad it got canceled.

I loved the show too, especialy when the paper plane got stuck on the
sargents head :-)
BTW any one know the name of the Actress who played Hammers partner
-ara

From: guyh@hpubvwa.nsr.hp.com (Guy Hyde)
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 22:28:40 GMT
Subject: Re: Tom Swifties
Organization: Hewlett-Packard Bellevue Sales
Newsgroups: rec.humor

"My mutt's in the pound", Tom concurred.
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish,alt.censorship
From: miket@unislc.uucp (Michael Thompson)
Subject: Re: BB (was Re: Polack joke)
Reply-To: miket@unislc.UUCP (Michael Thompson,B2C04,4560)
Organization: Unisys, Salt Lake City
Date: Wed, 2 Sep 1992 20:07:39 GMT

In article <1992Sep2.174112.17012@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> mzabel@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Mark A Zabel) writes:
>In article <2529@bsu-cs.bsu.edu> joemays@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Joseph F. Mays) writes
>>In article <1992Sep1.193027.4913@unislc.uucp> miket@unislc.UUCP (Michael Thomp
>son,B2C04,4560) writes:
>>>I'm not sure what a TP44 is; however, a BB (Ball Bearing) gun is a very
>>>low powered air rifle.  Like I said before a BB is very small, ~one eighth
>
>>Even this might give a false impression of exactly how low-powered a BB gun
>
>     Wait!  Didn't this thread start out as a joke about BBs in
>a batch of cookies?  What I want to know is why the second
>poster didn't know what BBs were, but was familiar with the
>phrase 'jerking off.'

Could it be that jerking off is an international occurance while BB guns
are not?

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dp35@mc1adm.UWaterloo.ca (Greg Moore)
Subject: Re: Big Jim Wade from Dallas, Texas
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1992 17:10:32 GMT

ara@wam.umd.edu (Ford Prefect) writes:
>>>There was once this cowbow who walked in to the bar
>>                     ^^^^^^<-------------------------------Eh?
>                                                           ^^^^^
>          Vat are you, Deaf or something? 
>          He is saying it with a wad of RedMan (tm) <--- as If I realy care
                                  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>          in his mouth.

A big Red man's wad in mouth?  Let's not get racist again. :->
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: s7356911@deimos.ucc.umass.edu (DYLYN)
Subject: JFK joke revisited
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 03:46:00 GMT

In article <2SEP199219361257@deimos.ucc.umass.edu>, s7356911@deimos.ucc.umass.edu (DYLYN) writes...
>In article <92246.162716HCM100@psuvm.psu.edu>, <HCM100@psuvm.psu.edu> writes...
>>In article <1992Sep2.151906.16565@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com>, marios@ecs.comm.mot.com
>>(mario smarduch) says:
>> 
>>[Soapbox removed]
>> 
>>>Why don't we crack jokes about Martin Luther's death, or John
>>>Kennedy's death?
>		What were JFK's last words?
>			OUCH!!!
  	Actually, I checked my sources. JFK's last words were actually:
		"Hey, Jackie, what is that guy holding over there on that
	grassy kno-OOF!"

						dylyn

" `We are not mentally unsound, Kluster-Chairman.  We will not cause you
any trouble.  We only want a quite place to finish working while God
eats our brains' "
			Bruce Sterling, "Twenty Evocations"
 dylyn (aka, d prosser) == S7356911@UCSVAX.UCS.umass.edu
From: yaron@anchor.as.utexas.edu (Mr. Sheffer)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: please help me name my machine
Date: 23 Aug 92 19:39:31 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: McDonald Observatory, University of Texas @ Austin

In article <46653@shamash.cdc.com> ria@dash.udev.cdc.com (Richard Askew) writes:
>--- Imagine: rlogin polydimufterfuftcloride  
                     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Which reminds me the super-original and ultra-funny movie called something
like "Texas comedy massacre". In it they were talking about the usefulness
of such chemicals to mankind. Anybody knows if this movie is available
in video, say? (ts'bout '85-'87 vintage.)

Ronny
From: lxf8351@hertz.njit.edu (lawrence finkel cis stnt)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Shes So Fat
Date: 31 Aug 92 12:29:40 GMT
Organization: New Jersey Institute of Technology, Newark, N.J.


      She is so fat...
	 	   ... they rent her back out for advertising space.

	           ...when she watches the Macys Thanksgiving Parade
		      kids ask their parents which float she'll be
		      tied to.


-- 
#-----------------------------------------------------------------------------#
#                     Lawrence Finkel: lxf8351@hertz.njit.edu                 #
#   "Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced."   #
#-----------------------------------------------------------------------------#
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: The Plan
From: record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Date: 4 Sep 92 16:56:06 GMT
Reply-To: record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Organization: LMSC, Sunnyvale, California


                                THE CREATION

                         In the beginning was the plan

                         And then came the assumptions

                     And the assumptions were without form

                 And the plan was completely without substance

              And the darkness was upon the faces of the Workers

                And they spake unto their Group Heads, saying:

                   "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."

        And the Group Heads went unto their Section Heads, and sayeth:

          "It is a container excrement, and it is very strong,

                     Such that none here may abide by it."

        And the Managers went unto their Director, and sayeth unto him:

       "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

       And the Directors went unto their Executive Director, and sayeth:

      "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

           And the Executive Director went unto the Vice President,

                             And sayeth unto him:

                "It promoteth growth, and is very powerful."

     And the Vice President went unto the President, and sayeth unto him:

         "This powerful new plan will actively promote the growth and

          Effiency of the Department, and this area in particular."

                    And the President looked upon the plan,

                         And saw that it was good
                          
			And the plan became policy.
From: ria@dash.udev.cdc.com (Richard Askew)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: A NEW RECORD
Date: 27 Aug 92 09:20:21 GMT
Organization: Control Data Systems Inc., London, UK.
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL3

jcoates@ncrsmg.DaytonOH.NCR.COM (Jim D Coates) writes:
: 
: Did you hear? There's a new album out that includes a certificate for a free
: chicken. The radio stations like it so much, the Dj's are saying it's
: number one with a pullet.

-- DAMN! When I read the title I thought some loopy HAD actually counted up
   all the "Woody" postings....


No .sig - just cigars !
From: exukozi@exu.ericsson.se (Tom Koziatek)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: butter flavored Crisco
Date: 4 Sep 92 21:00:42 GMT
Organization: Ericsson Network Systems

In article <2610109@hpdmd48.boi.hp.com> keithg@hpdmd48.boi.hp.com (Keith Glasson) writes:
>
> 
>  >No, no, it's better than this annoying Agnostic/Atheist/Theist flame.  
>>My site doesn't have a killfile system.  Ick.  So, what was this 
>>girlfriend's name/phone number?  I'd like to meet her...  |-)
>> 
>> - Mark Hughes  (Caves of Steel 624-2078)     mhughes@comtch.spk.wa.us
>>>----------
>
>	Sorry, I already married her.
>


Oh damn....Does this mean I have to give her up on Saturday nights ???
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Death is the Ultimate Victor............            
                                                                      -Tom

Note : I don't care that my location shows .se, I'm in Dallas !!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: filfeit@rael.Tymnet.COM (Fil Feit)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Writing Checklist
Date: 31 Aug 92 18:36:22 GMT
Reply-To: filfeit@rael.Tymnet.COM
Organization: Sun Microsystems

In article 46952@shamash.cdc.com, ria@dash.udev.cdc.com (Richard Askew) writes:
> [other stuff deleted]
>Also Attributed to Winston Churchill:
>
>Winston Churchill started to speak in the House of Commons when he
>was interupted by Bessy Braddock (a tyranical Battle-axe of an MP)
>who said "You Sir, are drunk!"
>To which he replied :-
>"And you madam are Ugly! - But I shall be sober in the morning."

Hmmmm...  Seems I remember a W.C. Fields movie, name unknown, where, in
the final scene, he had finally gotten to his orange orchard, which he
discovered was worthless.  To him.  Another man came up, and wanted to
take it off his hands (cheap), but Fields knew he _had_ to have the
property.  After Fields named an outrageous price, the other man said,
"You're drunk."  Fields replied, "And you're crazy.  I'll be sober tomorrow,
but you'll be crazy the rest of your life."

That's _gotta_ predate Churchill.

--f2
----------------
  Bush-Quayl '92
  It's a mistake
Xref: sparky rec.humor:27750 alt.politics.clinton:3910 alt.politics.bush:3936
From: dos@major.panix.com (Dave O'Shea)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,alt.politics.bush
Subject: Re: How many Bush Vice-Presidents...
Date: Wed, 02 Sep 92 21:55:02 EDT
Organization: Hurts rent-a-dungeon, Inc.

dm@think.com (dave mankins) writes:

> 
> How many Bush Vice-Presidents does it take to change a lite-bulbe?

I don't knowe. Howe manye?
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish,alt.censorship