From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Picking up the Tab (was: Re: What is gold-digging?)
Date: 16 Dec 92 19:46:38 GMT
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

In article <1992Dec16.014405.5579@cs.ucla.edu> gds@cs.ucla.edu (Greg Skinner) writes:
>In article <15916@auspex-gw.auspex.com> johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:
|>In article <1992Dec15.192027.25721@cs.ucla.edu> gds@cs.ucla.edu (Greg Skinner) writes:
|>|I thought this was the 90's, and we were in the process of throwing
|>|out old antiquated notions, like traditional dating.
|>Old antiquated notion that it is, some people still enjoy it.
|
|% unlurk
|
|Well, they have a right to do whatever they want, I suppose.  However,
|I have a right to express my opinion.  If someone claims that I have
|no class because I don't offer to pay on a date ...

That "no class" crack really has twisted the panties of a few net.men here.
Let's go over the scenario once again.

A women is asked out by a man that she does not know well.  Since they
are not currently good friends, homeboys, or otherwise, let us assume that
this is considered a date.

The man picks her up and takes her to a restaurant for dinner.  She has
not selected the restaurant.  She orders as she would normally do, and lets
say the total bill comes to $60 without the tip.

The man then asked the woman for $30 but said "I'll get the tip."

It was the womans opinion that this man has no class and I agree with her.  
That's the scenario she described and "going out with the homeboys" is not
the thing.

| (and as I have stated,
|I do offer to pay on dates quite often), I have the right to claim
|that they are not being considerate of my feelings if they do not
|offer to pay for a part of the date.
 
|>|When I ask someone out, I expect to pay, but I appreciate it when they
|>|offer to pay part or all of their way, or leave the tip.
|>Do fill out a Pre-Dinner contract to negotiate percentages before
|>ordering? 
|
|I do not see what contracts have to do with a simple act of
|consideration.
 
Have you been following the Pre-Sex contract thread?  The date is supposed
to be a romantic (possibly) encounter with someone and negotiating how
it is going to be paid for sound more like a business transaction.  Just
what percentage of the tab is it necessary for a woman to come up with to
avoid hurting your feelings. 50%,  30%?  Is 15% enough?

|>|To me, it shows they have some consideration for my feelings.  I am
|>|a lot less likely to go on a second date with someone who does not
|>|offer to pay a little, or offer to pay next time, etc.
|>Go on many second dates, Greg?
|
|Not with people who I don't believe have any consideration for my
|feelings.
|
|>|When someone asks me out, I at least offer to pay the tip, or pay for
|>|dessert.  It's a sign of consideration for the other person's feelings.
|>There's a phrase that I use: "It's my treat", which means this entire 
|>pleasurable (hopefully) experience is on me.  This is my treat to you.
|>No Pre-Dinner contract necessary.
|
|As I said before, it has nothing to do with contracts; it has to do
|with consideration for the other person's feelings, which I believe
|was one of the reasons Lauren stated *for* offering to pay on a date.
|It's the difference between blithely letting someone spend money on
|you, and acknowledging that they're spending money on you, and saying
|"hey, I understand, let me share a little of the burden."
 
I would much prefer a "Thank you very much for dinner tonight.  I had
a wonderful time", and maybe a kiss on the cheek than 25% of the tab and
a handshake.

-- 
+==========================================================================+
| John Fereira        | Auspex Systems | "Ask me about my vow of silence." |
| johnf@auspex.com    | Santa Clara CA |                                   |
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