From: wyang@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (William D Yang)
Subject: Re: Stuff and life.
Summary: This may be a surefire way to get me out of a lurk....
Keywords: Living with the fear of a touch and the anger of having been a fool
Organization: The Root Beer Rag Quarterly at The Ohio State University
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1992 15:15:54 GMT

John D Palmer writes:

[With everything that's going on in life, it looks like John's falling in
love.]

>      "John feels like he's running on emotional empty, which, in fact, he
>is. . .and he's falling in love with this woman by the name of Paula
>and he has NO idea how she feels about him, and isn't likely to find out
>until he has time to try a seduction. . .  with no time or emotional
>energy, that's going to be a long time.
>
>      "And he's scared to death, because he's NEVER had a relationshiop
>that ended with him NOT getting torn up emotionally, and he doesn't know
>what's going to happen when this one gets blown to pieces.
>
>      "And the worse thing is, he can really see a future with Paula. . .
>because this is the first woman he's ever dealt with on an equal footing."
>
>      Raphael shrugs.  "I don't know what to do.  I might be able to help
>him fall out of love, but . . . that means throwing away the onlychance
>at happiness he is oging to see in a long while.  I might be able to
>help him fall IN love. . . but that could drive him around the bend, if she
>doesn't reciprocate."

"You know, I think I know where you're at."

With these words, Bill (or Ray, if you prefer) comes out of lurking.  It seems
strange that he's posting more now than when he wasn't lurking... but some
things need to be said.

"See, I don't feel really comfortable talking about my situation right now...
especially since it's conceivable (in fact, highly probable) that some of you
might meet Rosie sometime soon(ish?).  But I know how you feel, John.  See, I
don't know where Rosie stands right now, but both she and I know where I stand
(somewhere between being in love and having gone totally insane over her).
It's funny...  I'm her first 'real' romantic interest -- she's lived a
sheltered life -- and she doesn't know what her feelings mean, or how to
react, or what to do about it.  Not that I know what my feelings mean, or how I
should react, or any of that... but I've been in love before.  And I know
something about trusting myself... something I didn't know as recently as a
touch over a year ago (remember RJ, John?)..."

Amidst the virtual reality, Mike hands Bill a foaming glass full of orange
sherbert and Sprite [In reality, the one I'm drinking is in a United Dairy
Farmers 32 ounce cup, but I'm not going to stress the details too much].  A few
short steps, and Ray arrives at the chaulkline.

"I'm talking in analogies, trying to solve two similar problems, trying to
swallow advice given to me years ago by friends, family, books, and electronic
personages... words like 'trust your feelings' and 'only live your life; thus,
you should strive to be happy within the bounds of what you and others can live
with.'

"Amidst all the questioning of everything that I know, everything that I
believe, everything that to this day I've held immutable within my mind and my
soul...  I've actually found some things that holds true to every test I can
conceive of, of every question I can pose, every model I can construct.  And
it's advice I got, from all places, out of a comic book.

"John Ostrander's words in _Grimjack_ really moved me into questioning, really
motivated me, driving me into Philosophy.  The words which moved me into
Philosophy were simple... really, only a sentence: 'Value questions... and
question values.'  Something I echo to this day, to this minute, to this very
second.

With an emptied glass in hand, Ray raises his arm.

"But more importantly, I learned something about being human through this
comic book.  To walk, you've got to take a first step -- the most frightening,
the most daring, the most heroic step of all... the bravery to be who you are
at the unchanging core of your person.  Aside from all the other shit going on
in your life, YOU MUST BE YOU!  In being true to yourself, you'll find yourself
being true to others... and they, in turn, will find themselves being true to
you.

"I don't know how to solve your problem, John, any more than I know how to
solve mine.  I don't know how it'll work out...  But no matter what, remember
the words which have always gotten me through those nights I didn't think I'd
get through...  trust yourself, and then trust those whom you trust.  You'll be
suprised how far that gets you.

"To love, and to trust.  I think you've got both."

   *CRASH*

Before any other glasses can fly, Bill is gone.  Epistemology starts in a few
minutes, and he still hasn't done the reading for today's class....

[In case you're wondering, yes, I really am lurking.  Or semi-demi-quasi-pseudo
lurking, as the case may be.  But let's face it -- I can't afford to read the 
quite literally hundreds of posts every day that flow through Callahans.  I 
follow a few threads, but for the most part I just scan and junk.  If you've a 
strong desire to reach me, mail's still the best bet.  Oh...and someone tell 
Nick that I'm still in touch with patrons for the next MIA listing -- it's 
really sad to think people believe I'm actually gone....  -Bill/Ray/etc.]
-- 
William D. Yang         wyang@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu         Yang.25@osu.edu
Technical Assistant to North Area Computing Sites at The Ohio State University.
It's my opinion: if you really want it, you can have it for a nominal fee.
Newsgroups: alt.callahans