From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: the architecture blues....
Date: 27 Jan 93 21:43:24 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1993Jan26.230746.24643@Virginia.EDU> llk4k@Virginia.EDU ("Lori Karalow") writes:
>[ ...] this meeting of the minds happened in
>September.  Since then, our relationship has VERY slowly
>developed and finally we have reached a point where I can count
>on him to be around.  But!  It is apparent that neither one of
>us loves the other and this is where the problems lies.
>Because of the lack of committment to the relationship, there
>is no romance, no sparks, no nothing.  It's fun and we enjoy
>each other's company, but, it`s getting old fast!!!  Am I being
>selfish by wanting more in a relationship?  Am I being
>unreasonable by questioning my wanting to continue with him?  I
>can't honestly see this blossoming and I hate myself for not
>wanting to end it just for the sake of having something to do
>on Friday nights and having someone around to call "mine."  I
>have never had this type of relationship where I am second
>fiddle.  (What's worse is there is no other woman involved.
>Just the damn architecture studio!)  Even he calls it his
>"Mistress."
>Tell me the truth...  Am I being a whiney baby?  How 'bout
>spoiled?  I haven't flown solo in a while and I don't know if I
>can remember how to do so.  But I am lacking self-esteem at the
>moment for allowing myself to be involved with someone who
>obviously doesn't care whether I stand on my hands and clap my
>feet together or two-step with a monkey!  
>
If you aren't happy with the relationship as it is, you have two
choices: make it better, or leave it and try someone else.  You can
always try someone else later, so you might at well at least give
making it better a try. You seem to assume that you know he does
not love you, but that may not be the case. What you do know is 
that he isn't showing it in a way you appreciate.

Rather than worry about what you or he think about the relationship, I
would first consider what you think about him. Is he worth the trouble
of trying to build a romantic relationship? If so, it is worth losing
him to try to get that relationship. If not, maybe you should be
looking for someone else.

You clearly think he is taking you for granted. You can make him stop
that by not always being there for him. Break some dates, find other
things to do. Suggest you would like to see other people. You will have
to adapt to your situation, but I think you get the idea. If he wants
what you are giving him, but doesn't value it because it is always
there, leaving him by himself occasionally will wake him up. If he
doesn't really want you, you might as well find out.

The other thing you can do is start treating him romantically. I know I
just told you not to always be there for him, but what I am saying now
is when you are there for him, make it more romantic. Set the tone for
the relationship: when you are together, it is going to be special, and
when it is not special, you are not going to be together. 

You risk losing him by trying to improve the relationship, but that is
always the case.


Peace,
Michael.