From: yetmanw@b30.ingr.com (Warren Yetman)
Subject: Re: Lawyer Speak
Organization: Intergraph
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 14:02:36 GMT

beaver@castor.cs.psu.edu (Don Beaver) writes:
> In article <1992Aug31.022244.11982@u.washington.edu> twain@milton.u.washington.edu (Barbara Hlavin) writes:
> 
> [discussion between Barbara Hlavin and EuStress about Allen, Farrow,
> and child support.  deleted.]
> 
> >(By the way, I find it insensitive, to be nice about it, that you equate 
> >being pressured to support your child with rape.) 
> 
> I, for one, appreciate your being nice about it.
> 
> But I also wanted to point out to you that, while child support  per se
> is not rape, it is (as currently implemented) a lifelong and devastating
> violation.  Given that men obtain custody in less than 10% of the cases
> and are subsequently required, almost strictly by virtue of being male,
> to work for eighteen years and pay on the order of half their income to
> someone who by definition is antagonistic to them, I find no great
> insensitivity in such a comparison.
> 
> By virtue of being female (there are exceptions), one may be faced with 
> physical violation and a life of feeling powerless and degraded.
> 
> By virtue of being male (there are exceptions), one may be faced with 
> loss of children and freedom, and a life of feeling powerless and degraded.
> 
> Eighteen years is a long time not to be able to change your job (or just not
> to lose it!).  Eighteen years is a long time to think about children whom
> you cannot see.  Eighteen years is a long time to think about supporting
> an ex-spouse who buys a house using child support money and who conditions 
> the children against you.  Eighteen years is a long time to work full-steam
> to support more than just your children and to think about dying young
> from overwork.  We only live once, and eighteen years spans the prime 
> of our lives.
> 
> [Required reading: Jon Wood's posting about Real Dads.]
> 
> 
> Perhaps it seems silly to speak of spending money as a big burden, 
> but we are speaking not just of responsibility but of a systematic, 
> unequal, and lifelong denial to men of the freedom to love and raise 
> their children, while stripping them of the right to choose how their 
> lives will proceed after such a violation.  I would agree with EuStress 
> that that is rape.
> 
> I don't find it productive to say, "This experience is worse than 
> that experience."  But nor do I find it insensitive to say,
> "This experience and that experience are outrageous violations."
> According to Webster, this can be rephrased as:  "This experience 
> and that experience are rape."
> 
> Don
> -- 
> beaver@cs.psu.edu                       Opinions from the PC-challenged


I have no problem with the reason for paying for child support; BUT I 
truely feel raped when I have no control with how it is used. My ex has not
made an attempt at securing a job for the past 3 yrs, she lives with her
boyfriend which does not plan to marry and of which she has in the last
year has had a child with. To be able to maintain my required support payments
I have had to relocate for work and since I am not able to see my children
on a regular basis due to distance I do call. Yet when I call my children
to see how ther are the first thing that comes out of their mouth is all
the neat things their mom has bought for them. My lawyer has informed me 
that unless she is using the money to buy drugs or alcohol I have no recourse.
  Since my two girls are 9 and 12 the only thing I have to look forward to
is the day when they reach 18 and my ex is left with no means of support and
no way to retire ---> "What goes around comes around!"
 
Xref: sparky soc.men:15761 soc.women:16004 alt.child-support:3000