From: dmoore@ucsd.edu (David Moore)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: second try
Date: 9 Sep 1992 20:42:01 GMT
Organization: UCSD Peripheral Nerve Research Group
Reply-To: dmoore@ucsd.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: sdnp1.ucsd.edu
In-reply-to: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu's message of Tue, 8 Sep 1992 04:25:59 GMT


In article <cloister.715926359@milton> cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell) writes:
|anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne) writes:

|[ most of jasmyne's story deleted to save space ]

|>I'm terrified of men. i know that i want to know that someone would hold
|>me without wanting me to "perform" for them. But i don't think there is
|>anyuone that safe out there. I hope that i'm wrong but everyday i think
|>i'm more and more right.

	I understand your fear of men, and I believe you have very good
reasons for it.  And I hope you can find some peace in the world, which is
what I often think I'm looking for.  I guess this is my first real post to
asar, and I think maybe I'll post more later, because I should stick to the
subject here, not ramble on about myself.  But what I'd really like is
someone who would hold me without wanting me to perform for them.  Of
course I might punch the first person to try to hug me in the face...

|>All men do want is sex from you. They don't care about much else.
|>God i hope i'm wrong...i'm only 19 i shouldn't be angry like this..hate
|>like this.

	I hope you someday discover that you are wrong, but I realize how
hard it is.  I am male, and I have to deal w/ this on a constant basis.
Society seems to have deemed that all men want is sex and it personally
makes me sick (well, yes, I do get physically sick from thinking about it
at times).  Hmm, I guess I'm not being supportive to you.  Just your post
touched a nerve with me.  I'm sortof pissed at society for putting such a
large emphasis on sex.  And that 'all men want is sex'.  But I understand
how you came to feel that way, and I have empathy for you.  In a strange
way, I often think that it's not just that men want sex, but everyone in
the whole world does.  Sortof makes me feel like I'm wrong somehow.

	Good luck with finding anyone out there who can help you, you sound
like you are a good person who deserves love.

	I was 19 when I was raped (? I don't like that word, I'm not sure
it's accurate in my case, but my reactions seem to be similar to others,
and I wasn't ready for everything that happened).  It was with my
girlfriend.  I think she was also trying to please me (cause all that men
want is sex, right?) and also herself of course.  Except I'd taken it as a
failure by me, because I wasn't ready, and I was scared and hated it.  So
now I deal with constantly feeling like my girlfriend and well just about
everyone considers sex more important than anything else.  I just fail to
comprehend this.  At least in her case I have a little bit of society on my
side telling me that women don't consider it as important as men, in
general.  But then I also have society telling me that I'm a failure and
that I'm the one not fitting in.

	I suspect for you, Jasmyne, that society is going to hurt you too.
Because not only your personal experience shows that men just want sex,
that's what society says too.  And I doubt you'd listen to me, if I said
that sex wasn't something important to me.  I doubt I'd listen to anyone a
while back.  Luckily reading asar here has helped me some, maybe it'll help
you in some way too.  Glad to see you posting here!

|well, we're not all like that.  i admit, a lot of men are jerks or worse, but
|not all of us.  i spend a lot of time with new female acquaintances convincing
|them that i'm not like most other men.  it makes me mad that i have to do that
|in order that they know they can trust me at all.  i shouldn't have to.
|anyway, try not to get too into the mindset of "all men are pigs" because even
|though it may almost be true, it's not *always* true, and there are guys out
|there who don't want anything you don't want to give.  i wish they weren't so
|evidently rare.

|>i don't know what else.....i do but i'm not gonna write it...this is
|>already too long. I'm sorry if i bothered anyone.

|you've already told us a lot.  thank you.  you haven't bothered me in the
|least.  

	Didn't bother me at all.  Actually I'm very glad you posted it.
_Thank_you_.  I just hope I didn't upset anyone.  And yes I did ramble on
about myself.  But I find myself typing longer and longer things once I get
started, and I'm really glad to be able to say it somewhere.  And I'd
certainly be happy to see you write more in the future as you feel up to
it.  I might even do that myself...

|>Jasmyne
|+------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
||tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature. | cloister@u.washington.edu |
|+------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+


David
--
David Moore <dmoore@ucsd.edu> - SysAdmin/Programmer
UCSD | Dept. of Anesthesiology | V-151 | La Jolla, CA 92093-9151
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"God does not play dice." - A. Einstein		"Yes, I do." - D. Moore
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery