From: dfong@waikato.ac.nz
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Goodbye Y'all ! (and thanks for all the fish)
Date: 19 Nov 92 22:09:33 +1300
Organization: University of Waikato, Hamilton, New Zealand

Hi ALL

I'll be leaving the net in a few days so I've been moved to
post my feelings about this newsgroup.

I have been reading it since its inception.

I have never been abused molested or had any such very extreme negative
feelings/actions towards myself.

So why do I read this group ?

Initially it was just out of interest...me being a kind of morbid person
fascinated (but not a fan) with the dark side of human nature.

  Reading the accounts of abuse here has sometimes broken my heart 
to see so much hate and cruelty in the world.
This has made me feel soooooooooo silly about my problems, which
pale far in comparison to those that have been mentioned here.

It has made me realise how sensitive and negative a person I am,
always moping around feeling sorry for myself.

Being a person who sometimes feels quite alone in the world
I have watched with joy to see the amount of healing (?) and
support that happens in this group.

The support that is selfishly given, (well as long you don't have
to pay for your posts and e-mail ;-) has been gratifying to watch.
And re-affirmed my faith in human nature.

There has been many a time that I have felt as though no-one
cared and the world was full of cold people.
The support and caring atmosphere has sometimes almost brought tears 
to my eyes, and made me realise that there ARE some CARING people
out there.

It's amazing what a few nice (or right) words can do to a person's
self-esteem - a simple mail message that only takes
just a few seconds to write and send off has the potential
to help a person along or brighten up their day !

Thanks to this group I am now changing and have had more confidence in
myself instead of feeling sorry about myself all the time and
letting even the simplest of things bring me down.


My final statement to those of you out there who are hurting
and feel that speaking out will help you along :

If you feel this is so, then do so - many people will admire YOU
for it.

If you're uneasy or do not feel like speaking out, then don't.
If you're thinking about doing it only because you think you SHOULD 
then don't, because you may not be prepared for it.
Just bide your time...

If you wanna go it along then I admire you -
you must be a strong person to be able to do this.
(But then again, "what does not kill us makes us stronger")

[actually a thought : if we believe we are a strong person, then will
we in time actually become what we believe we are.
My reason for thinking this: imagine you're down. the Phone rings.
You put on your 'cheery' personality telephone voice.
After the conversation you put the phone back down. How do you feel ?
Do you feel better/happier ? I do. This happens to me !
This is taken from an article about Happiness from Psaychology Today
earlier this year. If I get time I may type some of it in!]


You know the old adage of "talking about something will help you".

When we are happy and bursting full of joy, we can't help but tell everyone
about it.

Similarly,
when we have a lot of pent up emotion of the negative kind
telling someone about it may solve the problem.
It works for some of us.

Posting to here is risky, some bad things may come out of it,
e.g. some people sending you abusive mail as a joke
	(have there actually been any posts of this effect?
	Being a negative ;-) person I would imagine so.)
But don't let them get you down, they don't know you at all.
They're just one of the arseholes in the world, of which there
are many, so we just gotta put up with them.
  But they can be dealt with ;-)  


Having friends is one of the most IMPORTANT things to me in this world.
not just good friends but maybe just acquaintances that say hi to you
for a second and then pass by as quickly as they had come.

These are the things that make me feel alive - knowing that
people acknowledge my existance.
- sometimes this is all we can hope for to get us through the day.


what I'm trying to say is this :
I shall miss this newsgroup a great deal.
I am graduating and moving into the "big bad world" to seek my fortune.

Let this be a place for people like me and any others who feel the need
to be healed of something, but can't find it anywhere else.
True, the title of this newsgroup is about sexual abuse, but it's 
more than that...
Abused people may have a number of other disorders about them as
a result of the abuse :
depression, shyness about starting close relationships...etc...

This newsgroup should be a place for anyone that is hurting 
to dwell here for a while and 'soak' up the atmosphere.

Don't be elitist and admonish those whose problems you don't really
think are REAL problems.
Anyone else's pain may always pale in comparison to yours, 
just as they think that your pain is is insignificant compared
to theirs.
Don't waste time arguing about such differences !

There is a closeness in this newsgroup.
A supportive (dare I say it ) family.

As I may have said : it is a healing atmosphere !!


I guess the upshot of this is :
I am going to miss this. Even though I don't know you all
I shall miss you and will think of you often. Even though I have and
will probably never meet you or talk to you again.
Don't ask me why - sometimes I just can't stop caring and 
worrying (?)

Anyway, this has been hard to write, not because I'm scared
of expressing myself for fear of being identified ;-)
but because I know what I want to say but can't find
the words to express it.
I'm sorry if some words haven't come out right and aren't quite
intelligible.
(This has been rushed because I'm quite busy at the moment.)

There ARE some beautiful people out there...finding them is the
the hard part.

This newsgroup is a good place to start looking.


Take care,
and all the best for your futures - YES you do have one !!!

Darryl 'De Fish!' Fong

----

Any now for some various quotes !!!

"...let me come closer to your sadness..."
from 'The World spins so Slowly'
Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin

"...a destiny to fulfill, not a fate to suffer."
Rick Veitch 'Heartburst'
Marvel Comics.



Colin Newman "Alone" (from album A-Z and Silence of Lambs sndtrack)

Alone with too much generosity 
a theatre mask of hostility attracts 
assaults occur infrequently 
and those who come to conquer need strength 
but damage accumulates 
stop moving him to tears 
retained a sense of humour.


This has been my most favourite song this year !
This sort of sums up how I am...or maybe how all people are.
We're all alone in some sense, but some more alone than others.

Sometimes because of circumstances we feel we need to 
or somehow cannot express our inner feelings which are welling 
up inside of us.

But we have a lot of love and affection that we would generously 
give to any that need it.

Speaking for myself, I have a 'dark' mask that I use to ward people off !
Why am I scared of showing emotion ?
The rest of the song...well..I guess I'll be up for a few more
nights to find some connection to me with those lyrics.
but I'm sure it'll be important ;-)


Actually, right now I feel like quoting a piece from a comic,
'V For Vendetta'. (Dc comics)
In this scene the heroine has found a note written by a lesbian who has
been jailed for her sexual orientation, and is now awaiting execution.
The top of the note goes something like this :

"I don't know who you are but I love you. I wish I could hold you and kiss
you. We could talk about anything...hold hands and just walk.
One day we may meet in a better place..."

I'll actually try to dig it up...it's very touching !