From: mbb@keps.com (Maureen Busch)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Biting :-(
Date: 12 Jan 1993 13:44:17 -0600
Organization: Kodak Electronic Printing Systems
NNTP-Posting-Host: cs.utexas.edu

In article <29454@oasys.dt.navy.mil> dsegelho@oasys.dt.navy.mil (Diane Segelhorst) writes:
>They were sliding on the new Little Tykes slide gym in the other room,
>when Emi started howling.  Jane thought Emi told her that Brad hit her,
>but when she asked Brad if he hit Emi, he said No, he BIT her.  (At
>least he's honest about it!)  Jane spanked him (only one of about three
>spankings in his life!), made him apologize to Emi, and sent him to
>bed for his nap.  Emi did NOT have to go to bed for her nap (they usually
>nap together), but got to stay up for more cuddles and comforting.
>
>When I got there (and Jane told me what had happened) I asked Brad what
>happened.  He toldme he bit Emi, and he had to go Nite nite (I guess
>the spanking didn't make as big an impression as being sent to bed.)
>I emphasized that it was very bad to bite, that biting hurt people,
>and he should never ever bite anyone again.  When we got home, I made
>him tell Daddy what he had done that was bad.

IMHO, Jane handled the situation poorly.  If it had been my child, I would
have preferrred that she put him in time out while she tended to the bitee,
then talked to him about how we don't bite, biting hurts people, etc.
(As a matter of fact, I would be very upset if my caregiver spanked my child,
and I would have to have a discussion with her at some point to make sure it
didn't happen again.  But that's just how I happen to feel about that.)
In addition, she should sit them both down and get both sides of the story
as to what happened, and talked about other ways they could have acted.  
Granted, at their current ages and language skills, it won't be much of a
discussion, and Jane would do most of the talking, but it still communicates
the idea that there are other ways to solve the problem.  It works really well
when they are a little older, although I have been doing this with my kids
since the younger was 2.

Also IMHO, biting should be handled in a manner similar to hitting, pushing,
and all those other acts of aggression.  I know a lot of people disagree with
this and feel that biting is at least an order of magnitude worse than hitting,
but for a little kid, they are both just ways of acting out anger and/or
frustration.  Making a much bigger deal out of it than hitting seems to me
to be giving it too much importance, and could actually encourage it (pulling
out the big guns (-;)

Earlier in the article, you wrote:
>Brad (age 2 years 5 months) and Emily (same age) are best buddies.
>They have grown up almost like twins, since Brad has been going to the
>same daycare since he was 4 months old.  Brad tends to be the bossier
>one, but Emi tends to provoke Brad.

Your care provider should start paying more attention to the dynamic of
their play.  It isn't fair to Brad to allow him to be pushed to the breaking
point (biting) and then punish him for it if she isn't doing anything to
help Emi play "nicer" without provoking Brad.  In a way, she is encouraging
it if she does nothing to help Emi find other ways to play.

Take it for what it's worth, this advice is worth every penny you paid (-;

Maureen Busch
Internet: mbb@keps.com  <--note new address!
DISCLAIMER:  The opinions expressed are mine, not my employer's.