From: "amy lynn young-leith" <alyoung@kiwi.ucs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Re: Male Men Bashers
Organization: Indiana University, Bloomington
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 01:01:42 -0500

In article <16B5EA2EA.ALI00BAW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU> ALI00BAW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU writes:
[...]
>There was a drawing I saw in the New Yorker[?]: a woman says to her date,
> "Roger, you're so sensitive, considerate, gentle and kind; too bad you're
>such a wimp."

Sounds like a bitch to me.  But the way I look at is this this way:
The women who *I* have seen get totally caught up in dating jerks are
not looking for much more than they are getting.  So it's a perfect
match, in most cases. 

>I remember in High School and College guys like me, who were taught to treat
>young ladies as though they were Countesses at least, couldn't get the time
>of day, while the football players whose thumbs were scarcely opposable had
>HAREMS.  I'm 33 now and my self-confidence around women is still at a very
>low ebb because of painful experiences of that sort; I'm not the only one, I
>know. 
>Ladies, be honest about what you want.  Don't SAY you want one kind of man
>and then GO WITH another.  If you don't like Neandertals, the next time one
>comes on to you, send him off 'with a flea in his ear;' if you like gentle-
>men, remember that Queen Elizabeth walked on Sir Walter's COAT, not on Sir
>Walter!  Just because I'm too much the gentleman to dot you one doesn't give
>you the right to treat me like something the cat dragged in.

I don't believe I've ever treated you like anything, as a matter of
fact.  

I am sometimes weary of self proclaimed "nice guys" because what a
*man* might describe this way and what a woman might describe this way
are two totally separate things.  A nice guy is, to me, a holder of
the same qualities as a "nice gal" would have.  A person.  Open
minded, adventurous, hilarious, quick witted, and sensative.  ALSO
very important is self estreem.  I do not want a puppy dog.  I do not
want a servant.  I want a friend.

All women, as all men, are different.  I know men who look for
trophies, and I know women who look for trophies.  I know men who say
they want a "nice woman" but then chase after a dumb blond, ignoring
the best friend they have who's been in love with them since high
school.  I also know women who go out with jerks, and then complain
when the guy acts like a jerk.  

I looked for a person I could be not only romantic partners with, but
best friends.  I found him.  Pretty darn early in the game as well.  I
never went out with jerks, and if someone acted like one, instead of
whining that I didn't like dating a jerk, I severed the relationship.

Don't blame the other sex for your bad relationships.  Blame yourself.
You're the one that allows them to continue. 

Don't blame the other sex for a lack of relationships, either.
I can't think of anyone that I know (and I'm a very social person who
knows all types, orientations, sizes, nationalities, backgrounds, etc)
who could not get a date if *they* stopped waiting for the world to
come to them.  No, not everyone you get the hots for is going to
reciprocate those feelings, but that's life.  Still, the odds are
good. 

amy



-- 
alyoung@kiwi.indiana.edu	        	Occupation:  Lifetime Student
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*This post was made on personal time and has nothing to do whatsoever with  *
*              the attitudes or opinions of Indiana University.             *
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Newsgroups: soc.men,soc.singles,alt.feminism