From: a1z5868@venus.tamu.edu (Jay)
Subject: long rambling question from a newbie
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Texas A&M University, Academic Computing Services
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1992 17:39:00 GMT

Howdy.  Got a few questions for y'all.  Note, I'm new to this list and
paganism, and I'm not real sure about my direction at the moment...

1)  (well, I thought I knew how I was going to start this out...)

1)  I'm glad I got on here just when there was so much discussion
about books for newbies to read.  I'll have to see if the Austin
Public Library has any of them on its shelves.

2)  Are there any pagan BBSs in Austin Texas?

3)  In spite of having a deep romantic/poetic bent, I also tend to
over-intellectualize everthing.  This year, I have begun to explore
many different religions but cannot in good faith choose one as
a religion rather than merely a philosophy until I experience one
of those famed "religious experiences".  
    This year, I have sung hymns at my first Catholic mass during Lent.
I have danced in my first witch's circle during Ostarra.  I have an
invitation to join the Quakers at one of their gatherings.  I have
talked with Krishna's.  I have read of Buddhism and Taoism.  And I
was raised Primitive Baptist.  (My father's a deacon.)  There are
parts to each of these religions that I admire.  There are very small
parts of most of them that make me say "YES!  THAT'S EXACTLY IT!"
But no one body encompasses my deepest beliefs.
    I'm hoping to find such a symbol of my thoughts.  If I absolutely
had to choose a description of myself, it'd be something along the lines
of "buddhist pagan solipsist".  Completely incongruous, I know, but so
is my nickname of "The Mellow Tigger" and my habit of romantic 
intellectualizing.  *shrug*  I believe without suitable evidence in
a purposeful creation, though I don't necessarily believe in a creator.
    I'm not real sure how paganism can help me find what I want (since
I'm not sure even what it is that I want.)
    I would like to see myself as someone who practices "green"
medicine/magic, who accepts both "good" and "evil" traits in people
(who seem to be naturally a mixture of the two), who encourages
compassion in spite of this understanding of duality, who aids
people in their personal/religious/educational/political pursuits
where they would lead to wholeness/self-fulfillment even if I don't
share the need to follow those same pursuits, who can perform minor
miracles to shock people out of believing that the ordinary is mundane
rather than a miracle in itself, who isn't particularly concerned
about life/afterlife/whatever because being is enough and I'm content
with that, who encourages love even when I'm not particularly sure
what love means, and even more stuff that I don't yet know how to 
verbalize.
    So...  is there a deity who encompasses the essence of "Mother
Nature", combined with "The Most Secret Knowledge" of the Bhagavad-Gita,
mixed with the selflessness of Buddha, laced with the compassion and
miracles of Jesus, and garnished with a touch of a peculiar strain
of solipsism?  All in a form that understands the value and usefulness
of my homosexuality in the needs of our growing culture?

Tough question and lots of rambling, I know.
Just in that kinda mood today.   :)

All answered appreciated.  Email or posted.

- The Mellow Tigger

Newsgroups: alt.pagan