From: Scott.Johnson@FtCollinsCO.NCR.COM ( Scott Johnson)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: "my wife and I are pregnant" - NO WAY
Date: 18 Dec 92 15:27:31 GMT
	<1992Dec16.132500.4890@hemlock.cray.com>
Organization: NCR Microelectronics, Ft. Collins, CO
In-reply-to: clg@cray.com's message of 16 Dec 92 19:25:00 GMT

>>>>> On 16 Dec 92 19:25:00 GMT, clg@cray.com (Coni Gehler) said:
C> Nntp-Posting-Host: aspen19

C> In article <869.9212161848@bonzo.xylogics.com> rollo@xylogics.com (Dena Rollo) writes:
>
>A recent post contained the statememt: "My
>wife and I are pregnant..." There's no point
>in naming the poster, as this is something I
>read/hear quite often.
>
>Now, I *know* it is meant to convey the fact
>that the man  is involved, concerned, supportive,
>etc.
>
>It always annoyed me on principle, because it's
>inaccurate. But now that I've carried a pregnancy
>to term, it makes me crazy.
>
>So here's a message to all non-pregnant partners of
>pregnant women: YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT. Your *partner*
>is pregnant. She is experiencing all kinds of emotions,
>sensations, aches and pains, flutters and kicks that you
>are not experiencing.
>
>I know that if Michael had used this terminology, not
>only would I not have considered it supportive - I would
>have considered it as trivializing the pregnancy and
>my experiences.
>

C> Okay, my $.02.

C> I, too, have carried a pregnancy to term.  And I'm not offended by the use
C> of this phrasing.  Certainly, in a medical sense, it's inaccurate.  However,
C> my feeling was that, when I was pregnant, I directly experienced the emotions,
C> physical sensations, aches and pains going on in my body--and my husband
C> "experienced" ME at that time.

C> I can't remember exactly how we spoke of it when I was carrying Sam inside my
C> body.  We may even have used the phrase "We're pregnant" at that time.  I
C> think we also would say, "We're expecting."  (That, at least, is accurate. :)

C> My eating habits changed when I discovered my condition.  Consequently, my
C> husband's did, too.  My sleeping habits changed.  Consequently, my husband's
C> did, too.  I had to deal with my new "emotionality."  Consequently, my
C> husband did, too.  Etc.

C> Not a flame.  Just another point of view.

C> How do you men out there feel about this?  Are other women put off by this
C> also, as Dena is?

>So, isn't there another way to express your feeling of
>being part of the team?
>
>thanks, Dena

C> Coni


Hmmm... Well, we just recently found out that we/my wife is pregnant
(yay!).  Anyway, before we were married I always thought that "we're
pregnant" was kinda weird.  However, it was my wife that started using
the phrase, and so far she still seems to like it, and so do I.

Now I realize that I will never personally feel sick or aversions to
foods due to this (except for maybe some sympathy feelings who knows).
I don't claim that I ever will.  I do claim that I can feel just as
happy and excited by the fact as she is.  I do also claim that there are
more important things in life to be upset by than 3 words, though I do
understand the poster's objection.  Basically, it just comes down to
tolerance of other people's views.  I would expect your husband to
respect yours, but I will not stop saying "we're pregnant" as long as it
is o.k. with both of the "we"'s in question.

Well, anyway, it's all brand new to us, so my/out opinions may very well
be changing over the next 9 months.... :-)

-Scott

--
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E-Mail:  Scott.Johnson@FtCollinsCO.NCR.com
	 uunet!ncrlnk!ncr-mpd!Scott.Johnson
My opinions are mine and mine alone (unless I only live in your dream, in
which case they are yours and I denounce all responisbility).
GA to SK
Newsgroups: misc.kids,alt.dads-rights,alt.child-support,soc.men,soc.women