From: wallich@ncd.com (Ken Wallich)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Childish Guys
Date: 6 Nov 92 01:52:44 GMT
Reply-To: wallich@ncd.com (Ken Wallich)

calvin@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (scott.a.kaye) writes:


>	I've been reading the posts about childish guys, and I have to admit 
>that yes, I act childish too.  What do you think about a 23 year old single 
>gut that now owns 12 Disney animated features, both the American Tale movies,
>and just this past weekend bought Rudolph, How the Grinch Stole Christmas,
>and The Year Without a Santa Claus.  I personally enjoy this type of thing 
>more than what most people consider "Adult Entertainment."  Maybe this is 
>part of the reason I am without an SO at the moment, and have been for way
>too long, but I am not ready to give up my youth to become an Adult just
>quite yet.

Nice try, but no sympathy here.  I own most of the Disney catalog
(except for some of the live action films, the "nature" films, which I
found exploitive and far too anthropamorphical for my tastes, and I
disliked the "animation" in things like Pete's Dragon).  I also own
all the currently available Warner collections, and many of the other
films you mentioned.  Of course, I also own dramas, "adult" comedies
(like Defending Your Life, Joe vs. The Volcano, everything Woody Allen
did, even his later, serious works), and musicals (I love Irving
Berlin, sexist though his music tends to be, and Rogers and
Hamerstein).  I also own a lot of books, a backpack, and more than
one suit.

I don't know much about your 23 year old "gut", or the rest of you for
that matter.  Nor do I know anything about the other lonely guys
blaming their lack of a relationship on the enjoyment of external
things that corporate presidents are never seen doing.  I don't mean
to use you personally as an example, yours was just the last article
I read in this thread, and seemed like a good place to start.

I'm a 31 year old married guy, married for 10 years now.  I own a
house, several cars, a couple of motorcycles.  I've got a bunch of
bills, 3 dogs and 3 cats.  I've got a fairly responsible job, and I've
been pretty successfull in the computer field.  I've been an MIS
director in my earlier years, but decided to take life a little easier
and enjoy being a "peon" software engineer for a while.  I guess I'd
be considered an "Adult" by most of society.

Becoming and "Adult" does not mean having to put aside enjoying things
you enjoyed in your youth.  It does not mean you cannot run and laugh
and roll around in the grass, and play in the mud, and run naked in
the rain (although, as an adult, you may want to do this in a secluded
area, due to other adults with a puritanical streak).  It doesn't mean
you can't play ball, climb trees, or stare for hours at an ants nest.
It doesn't mean you can't let go, fall into your imagination, and play
"make believe".  It doesn't even mean you can't enjoy "Home Alone",
well, ok, that *is* going a bit too far :-).  I do all of these things
(except for watching Home Alone) on a regular basis.  I also have
"meaningful discussions" with my wife and my friends.  I write code, I
go to meetings, I pay my bills regularly.  I do all these things, and
somehow I don't feel lonely, or silly, or childish doing them.  

I also don't lack for having people to do these things with (and I
mean people in addition to my spouse). I don't feel like I'm giving up
anything by having become an "Adult".  On the contrary, I can stay up
as late as I want, eat when I want, and dress the way I want.  I can
yell "FUCK" as loud as I want and not have my mouth washed out for it.
I can just stay at home all weekend, sitting in the woods out back,
and not have my parents tell me to go and do something.  No, I think
it is a lot better being on my own, enjoying more than ever the child
within.

You can blame any part of your personality for being lonely.  Granted,
you have to balance being 'childlike' with being responsible.  There
is some amount of responsibility that comes with being on your own,
and interacting with a world full of other people on their own, all of
them responsible for their own actions (no matter what the popular
opinion in the U.S. is, nor the opinion of the majority of the lawyers
or politicians).  This balance can be acheived and maintained with
little to no loss of "fun" in your life.  Now, granted, some people
just are not ready to openly accept the responsibility of being an
adult.  Like it or not, when your parents stop feeding you and telling
you what to do (or you stop being told what to do), you are becoming
and adult and are on your own.  At this point, it is your choice whether
to enjoy this new freedom, and make the most of it, or to hide in the
comfort of what was, and pretend you still don't have to take any
responsibilty.  It's your choice.

Acting as an adult means that sometimes you will have to be serious,
and take other people seriously.  I've done that since I was about 8
years old though, so it's not something I really have to work at.  You
have to know when something is *not* a joke, when to shut up, when to
be assertive.  Not that anyone is perfect at these things, but you
will have to do all of them at some point.  So go out, enjoy life,
enjoy watching "The Grinch" (my personal favorite Xmas time cartoon).
But realize that you do not have to give up anything to also be an
adult.  You only have something to gain.

--
Ken Wallich
wallich@ncd.com  
ken@wallich.com
Newsgroups: alt.romance