From: alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( )
Subject: Re: A kiss should never be given as a duty.
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 02:06:52 GMT

In article <q_n3h0b@rpi.edu> petitc@vccnw03.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes:
[Another Fippen Original removed.  (Good post though John.)]

>  Very nicely put.  But, this put me to thinking (does anything NOT make
>me think? :&) )---what do any of YOU consider 'off limits' to friends, and
>reserved for SO's only?
>
>  Personally I think that...
>
>  *HUGS* are for SO's and close friends
>  Kissing is for SO's ONLY
>  Cuddling is for SO's and a few close friends
>  Massages are for SO's and some close friends
>
>  Generally, if it'll be misunderstood I don't do it (so I don't cuddle with
>or give massages to my female friends with SO's).
>
>  What about you?

To decide what is and is not for "a few close friends" seems to be the
bane of a college student's existence.  While being in college, I have
had occaision to offer a backrub/massage or even a friendly hug
every once in a while, yet never did so for fear of the possible
damage such an offer might do to a friendship.  The words "You need
a hug" that were often said by a very good friend of mine often
rang very true, but only the words were only said, and never was the hug
actually given.
       I can agree that kissing is for the one you are in a
relationship with. (I, personally, have gotten sick of the
abbreviation SO.)  Cuddling tooo, for me at any rate, is reserved for
those you are already involved with in a more-than-friends manner,
or those with whom you wish to be involved.  However, massages, for me
at least, should be something given when they are needed.  I don't
mean the "clothes off/ covered by only a towel" type of massages, but
a gentle (or firm) backrub or neck rub to release the built up
tension that college live ineveitably incurrs.  I do think that a
certain degree of intimacy and trust is necessary for this, as well
as clearly defined intentions.  Something as sensual as a backrub
could, and probably has, given way to something much more intimate,
and a lot less innocent.
        All in all it depends on the people involved.  I tend to need
to be fairly close to someone before I will even attempt to touch them
beyond a friendly pat on the back/shoulder.  Even this has been
misinterpreted at times.  So, I wait for people to open up to me,
instead of my going to them.  It saves a lot of pain and
misunderstanding in the long run.   
        This has turned out to be fairly long winded, but I hope I got
accross my views.  Should anybody want to discuss this further, either
post here, or mail me.  As I'm going to be rather busy for the next
week, I'm not going to play flame-bait though.  

                                                 -The Nicolus Alexicus

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"There's a lump in my throat,            alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu
 There's an ache in my heart,            "Organization is rubbish.
 There's tears in my eyes,                The world is screwed enough 
 Because we're an ocean apart..."         without people trying to
                                          organize it!"
               -The Mission U.K.
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