From: riggle@adobe.com (Kathleen Riggle)
Subject: Re: Thanks + Question re: Sharing between one-year-olds (LONG)
Organization: Adobe Systems Incorporated
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 00:03:50 GMT

In article <1992Jul21.222856.17316@elroy.jpl.nasa.gov> lauraf@spike.Jpl.Nasa.Gov (Laura Floom) writes:
>In article <14hsdrINNjob@smaug.West.Sun.COM> zoe@cypress.West.Sun.COM (Zoe Friedlander) writes:
>
>[description deleted]
>>
>>To me, this kind of interaction seems fine; I feel like I've seen 
>>that Isaiah doesn't really care that much if Aaron takes a toy away,
>>and when he does care, he makes his feelings known.  (If Isaiah really
>>wants the toy but Aaron gets it away and Isaiah fusses, we do give it
>>back to him.) The problem as I see it is that my sister doesn't think
>>this is okay.  She thinks that neither of the boys should be permitted
>>to take toys from each other; that we should intervene all the time,
>>and this morning she told the babysitter that she should intervene too.
>>
>>When I intervene and take a toy from Aaron that he took from Isaiah and
>>I return it to Isaiah, Aaron cries quite a bit and soon tries to take
>>the toy again, whereas (as I said above) if Isaiah defends the toy 
>>himself, Aaron goes on to something else.
>>
>>There must be tons of net.experience out there in dealing with this 
>>kind of thing.  What do you do?
>
>Last year jeffrey and I attended a Parent/Toddler class. Jeffrey was one of the
>older kids, and definitely the most agressive. He was taking toys away from the
>other kids, which put me in a hard position. One of the other parents was particularly
>hostile about it, so I decided to ask the teacher what to do about it. The subject
>ended up taking up the entire discussion time.
>
>The teacher felt that the parents should intervene as little as possible. She said
>that kids have a way of communicating that we are not aware of, and if a child takes
>a toy away from another child, and the first child does not object then there is
>no problem. The first child was ready to give it up. If the child objects, watch for
>a second and see if they settle it. Possibly the child will take it back, or decide it
>isnt worth worrying about. If a fight ensues or the first child is really upset, then
>it is necessary to interfer. Try to get the child in possesion to give back the toy,
>or try and get the other child to accept something else. Ont thing that is not a
>good idea is to take the toy from the one child and return it to the other child. This
>is similar to hitting a child that hit someone else. Bad modeling. 

Here's an opinion from a parent that has the less aggressive child.
I've seen Rachel have toys taken away from her and sometimes she
doesn't say a peep.  I just assume that she doesn't care.  Other times
she does care and usually she will ask an adult to intervene.  If
that's the case, I'll ask for the other child to give it back (or pray
that the other child's mom will intervene!)  At daycare, when a child
takes away Rachel's kitty (her lovey), the daycare worker will ask
Rachel if that is okay.  If it isn't, the kitty has to be returned.
I must admit I'm at a loss when the other child won't give back
something when asked.  

About a year ago, we were at a friend's house.  Both little girls had
a cracker.  The other little girl (3 months younger than Rachel) took
Rachel's cracker and ate on it a bit.  Then Rachel took it back and
ate on it; this continued for some time.  I really thought it was
hilarious; the other little girl's mom was a little embarrassed; she
said that her daughter was always taking things from other children.

Kathie
-- 
riggle@adobe.com
Organization: Biological Sciences, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA