From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Any cure for the "Just wanna be friends" Blues?
Date: 21 Jan 93 21:06:14 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <20JAN199322124752@pavo.concordia.ca> f_alfan@pavo.concordia.ca (Doom, Herald Of the Apocalypse) writes:
>Sorry to bring a down note into your lives, folks...BUT
>
>Neil Diamond's music aside, what's a good way to get rid of the "Just
>Wanna Be Friends" (tm) Blues? I just got this line for the 35th time, so
>I'm not eactly a chipper camper anymore. Any suggestions?
>
>A question for you gals out there:
>
>If a man acts in a friendly, supportive, and "non-threatening" (ie: does not
>come onto you like a horny beast from hell) manner are you prone to ignore them 
>as a potential candidate for romance? Is this a common thing, or is it just me?
>
Not a gal, but I will offer an opinion anyhow. You need to communicate
that you are interested in romance.  Being friendly and supportive is
good, but you need to give her some hint.

Right from the start, you can let her know that you are unattached and
looking for someone. Don't be too obvious, or you might look desperate,
but you can mention that you are dating, or attending a single's event,
or that you are no longer seeing a previous girlfriend, or some such.
Don't make anything up, but feel free to drop a hint, and even to do
something that you can mention in order to give her a hint.

Show your interest for her as soon as you feel it -- closely watch her
face and especially her eyes when she talks, ask a lot of questions and
pay attention to her answers. Compliment her on her dress or anything
else you sincerely like about her.

Starting out a level of intimacy and a pace that you feel comfortable
with, keep trying to move towards more intimacy in small steps. Don't
wait for positive feedback -- there is generally a delay between the
time you do something and when the other person's view of you is
affected. Life is too short to wait, so instead watch for negative
feedback. When you get it, don't give up, but take a short break
and then proceed more slowly.

Keep repeating this until one of the following happen:
- you decide that you don't want her.
- she convinces you she isn't going to get interested.
- you decide that things are going so slowly that you would
  rather spend your time on something else.

If you follow this approach, you may not succeed, but you should
be able avoid being seen as just a friend, without having to act
like a caveman.

>Being a hopeless romantic at heart (but being rather pessimistic as well) I'd
>like for once to think that at some point, my being a (IMHO) gentleman-like,
>helpful and caring kind of person will get the opposite gender to view me
>as somethying other than a one-man support group and convenience store. Don't
>get me wrong, I like to help, but I dont want my emotions flying away towards
>women who cant see me for what I am. (A git without a life ;) )
>
Remember that people tend to see you as you see yourself. Don't try to 
fool them into thinking you are something you don't think you are. Try instead
to convince yourself that you are valuable, and that a woman would be lucky
to have you. If you have to change yourself a bit in order to convince
yourself, that might not be a bad thing. Being supportive is a valuable
skill, but if you think it has no value, and treat it as such, people
will take your supportiveness for granted even as they take advantage
of it.

>Anyways, I apologize for bringing up a subject which has most likely been
>brought up before, so please no flames. I feel bad enough as is.
>
>                               Even Nerds need love too :)
>                                            --Fab
And lots of nerds are women.

Peace,
Michael.