From: anon-1317@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: MPD etc
Date: 22 Nov 92 17:11:19 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

An interesting question:  do people become MPD
because their abuse was more terrible than those
that don't?    I don't think so.

I am not MPD-- and I don't want to "rate my abuse"
either-- but to me - it was pretty horrible-- granted
I was never "beaten" not at home with my family--but
when I was in the children's home-- I was beaten with
a board with holes in it-- we had to pull down our 
panties and lean across a table while the "director"
did this-- this would be done for big "crimes"  like
walking to the store - or missing the school bus.
My 4 brothers sexually abused me from at least 6-almost
10 yrs of age-- I don't remember if it started younger.
My mother took me to bars--- and I believe let men "fondle
me-- so she could get drinks"  my father foundled me when 
he was drunk-- crying and reciting  bible verses at the 
same time.  I lived in a ghetto-- saw more things than some
have in a lifetime..

While I am not MPD-- I definately have two distinct "moods"
most of the time I am "sweet and caring"  have a good sense
of humor and try to be friendly-- but there are times-- when I
hate the world and everything in it (accept for my kids!) I 
want to just knock the shit out of everyone--  I don't believe
a thing anyone tells me-- and I just don't care if they were
to drop dead at my feet-- I would probably just step over them-
or kick them out of the way.  Yet I know this is me-- not two
people.  What changes my moods- it is hard to say-- maybe just
a small thing -- maybe being taken advantage of-- which has
happened a lot in the past 3 yrs-- (being vulnerable-- I have
got into "sexual relationship" where I cared and then found out
all the men were after was "great sex")  may just remembering this
switches my "moods" 

I think that MPD people have certainly had some great traumas
and they learned to develope "other people" to get thourgh these
times-- while some people learned to "numb themselves" until the
traumas were over--  I think it is learning to cope with the abuses
and we all cope differently--maybe the time frame and the extensive
abuse might have more to do with it-- I don't think there is a set
"rule" in this.  

Sometimes, I feel like I am "out of my body"  usually when I am
in a hateful "mood"  it is like "looking down from another room"
and seeing myself in this really mean mood-- wanting to really 
hurt (mostly emotionally) anyone who has hurt me.

I certainly have great compassion for MPD people-- it must be hell,
and I really hope they recover.  I am more concerned about MPD-- because
I don't think there is much control over the emotions and that they may
tend to be more abusive to themselves.

this is just my thoughts-  I can't even say my opinions-- just thoughts

Linda




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