From: Barbara.Akin@p0.f89.n129.z1.fidonet.org (Barbara Akin)
Newsgroups: misc.handicap
Subject: Re: Mobility
Date: 15 Dec 92 17:55:59 GMT
Reply-To: Barbara.Akin@p0.f89.n129.z1.fidonet.org
Organization: FidoNet node 1:129/89.0 - BlinkLink, Pittsburgh PA
X-Fidonet: Blink Talk Conference
Originator: wtm@sheldev.shel.isc-br.com

Index Number: 26773

[This is from the Blink Talk Conference]

DR>you think the 2 things in any way can be related.  Do you know if there
DR>has ever been a study on blind women, depression and loneliness?  I have
DR>several blind friends up here and just looking at the records (aren't we
DR>the snoops though), of other blind women we know.  It seems like, if
DR>they have relationships it is with other blind men, and then it is more
DR>often than not impermanent. Perhaps this says something more for society
DR>than the blind community but the statistics still remain the same.

DR>... A well-written life is as rare as a well-spent one.
DR>--- Blue Wave/Max v2.10 [NR]
DR> * Origin: ***YOUR BBS, where my bbs is yours; 916-448-5840 (1:203/9264.0)

Hi Deana,
I'm gonna jump in and leave some of my thoughts here.
First of all I do deffinately blindness and problems with mobility can
be extremely depressing!
I am a Very good, fast traveler, but since this knee accident, I am Very
depressed, more so than I have Ever been in my entire life time, and,
that's a long time! 40 years to be exact (smile)
So yes, I do think the two together have a very depressing effect.
Hopefully, my knee will be back to at least part of normal, but its not
fun now!
I have two children to run around after too!
Now for the part about blind women and lonliness.
These may be hard realities, and hard facts, but, all the same, I
believe them to be true.
I do think it is Much harder for us blind women to find quality men with
whom to have a permenent relationship.
There are reasons for this.
1. Many men are so insecure with in themselves, that they feel that
going out with some one who is disabled will make them even more
different, and stand out all the more.
This is not all together reality, but some, a lot, of men are insecure
and thus won't even think of going out with a disabled person.
2. Whether we like it or not, or whether it is fair or right or not, I
think it is more important and imparative for us blindwomen to look
attractive.
That is, there are a lot of blind women who just don't look very
attractive.
Many times this is no fault of their own.
Their families, or friends have never cared enough to let them know that
they need to fix up clothes, hair, makeup, etc.
How we look to the sighted world out there makes a big difference in how
we are recieved.
I'm ofcourse Not saying we have to be absolutely perfect all the time,
with every hair in place, but what I Am saying, is that the more
attractive we make ourselves, the more well recieved we will be to the
rest of the world out there.
Ofcourse this principle goes for sighted women, but unfortunatly, it is
all too true for us!
3. Loneliness for blind women I think is also the result of
missconceptions about us!
Let me relate a story, to prove my point.
One night, a guy and I who was a friend of a friend of mine, were
talking on the phone.
We talked for about 45 minutes, and were having a great old time, and
somehow I decided to tell him I was blind.
He was absolutely bowled over!
He stammered out "wwwwell, you sure don't sound, or Act blind!!"
I told him I was a woman, who just by chance lost her sight, and that
the rest of the body and mind worked just fine!
We laughed about that, and infact, are planning a coffee party over here
soon!
So, what I am trying to point out by this story, is men often have the
wrong idea about us, and so if they just see us from across a room, or
out on the street, they will often pass up what Could be a wonderful
thing!!!
Sad for us, but again, I think reality.

So, what's to bedone about this misserable state of affairs?
I think its just practicality!
We just have to try a little harder, put ourselves out there a little
more, and play our hand to the fullest.
I'm not saying to be loud and obnaucious, not at all.
I am saying that there are ways of getting around these missconceptions.
I think you told me you met your husband over a BBS didn't you?
Well, see, he got to know you, the Person first.
He did Not see the disability first!
I think blind women especially need to get creative and think of better
ways to make life happenfor them the way they would like it to, rather
than just waiting for life to happen To them!
This is not always easy.
I get the gitters when I do it, but, that doesn't stop me from being
creative.
Life is just too short.
And so I think there is part of the answer to this blind women and
lonlinessthing.
Oh boy, I'm tired, I've been typing all night, answering mail.
See ya, lets get a woman's discussion going on this subject, I find it
interesting!
-!-
 ~ SLMR 2.0 ~ It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a

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