From: vishram@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Vishram P.Dalvi)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian
Subject: Re: Response to Caucasian/Indian problem
Date: 12 Apr 92 05:09:02 GMT
Reply-To: vishram@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Vishram P.Dalvi)
Distribution: usa
Organization: The University of Texas at Austin, Austin TX
Originator: vishram@happy.cc.utexas.edu


This is in response to article 78300 on SCI by Michael L. Le Houllier
Michael writes :-

>I think there is nothing wrong in intercultural or interracial
>relations as such.  If Indian men have a problem attracting Indian
>women, then they (the women) should have the opportinity to look
>outside.  For me, I very much prefer Asians girls to Europeans.
>Should a difference in race or culture preclude me from trying to find
>an Asian (including Indian) girl I may want.

>This gentleman's article smacks of racisim to suggest that any one
>'race' should not have the freedom to choose from the great variety of
>young women (or men for the women) that this world offers.
 
I wouldn't be very surprised that some one took exception to your being 
interested in Indian women considering that there are quite a few 
readers to this newsgroup who come from very conservative families and 
hence have a conservative attitude. Then again there may be a few readers 
who are NOT narrow minded but feel genuinely concerned for their fellow 
countrywomen. (Is it true guys ??)
        The reason behind this concern may be that Indians on the whole
are pretty serious minded. I personally have noticed that as compared to
Americans or even Europeans, we take life a lot seriously. Also marriage
(or even relationship with a member of the opposite sex) is treated as 
something special by us. Marriage is a very sacred institution back in 
India and we do not have as many divorces as people from the FIRST world 
do ! Hence there is a tendency to presume that any relationship with a 
Caucasian is going to mean fast sex and nothing else. This is what may 
have prompted the reaction you got.
        I too do not think that there is anything wrong with inter-
cultural or interracial marriages. If a Causian finds Asian women more
attractive, then no one should object to it on racial back grounds. 
Similarly if Indian men cannot attract Indian women then they should go 
for women from other countries. The main problem with finding Indian 
women here is that there are SO FEW of them in this country. Take Chinese 
for instance and you'll notice that the ratio of men to women is pretty 
well balanced and hence it is more common to find Chinese men dating their 
female counterparts than Indians. Beside a LOT of Indian women who come
here are either engaged or married already (Gee, why the hurry ?)
	Also a lot of Indians tend to be shy when it comes to asking a 
woman out for a date. This is because the concept of dating is not found 
in India except in big cities. Most marriages are ARRANGED. In these kind 
of marriages, the families of the man/woman spread word around about their 
eligible son/daughter (or now-a-days, they seek alliances through the 
matrimonial columns in news papers) and upon receiving a favorable response, 
they review the background of the other person and decide whether or not 
they have a similar family/cultural/economical background as having a 
similar background DOES reduce compatibility problems. Then if approved 
of, the other family is contacted and they meet. This is when the boy 
MEETS the girl for the first time. Then they talk with each other and 
try to find out how compatible they are and how much their thoughts match. 
If BOTH like each other, then they get engaged. After the engagement the 
couple is allowed some liberties and can go out with each other for a
month or two till the date of marriage is fixed and then they get married.
This is in total contrast to normal marriages in Europe or America where 
men and women date and fall in love and get married (may or may not, again !)
	Yet another reason working against Indians is that most of us
come here as graduate students and end up spending more time in our labs
than anywhere else. Also there are no Indian groups (except for the Indian
Students Association on most campuses :-) ) which provide us with an any kind
of opportunity to get in touch with Indian women nor are we used to any
other means of social interaction like dancing or parties involving both
sexes. In most Indian parties, IF there are any women around, then they
will form a separate group or talk only with guys they already know (the
same is true with men too) and hence no effort is made to get to know
new members of the opposite sex. The ISAs (aforementioned) do not provide
much opportunities either and also there is a major incompatibility
problem between Indians from India and those born here and neither side
makes much effort to reduce it. SAD !!
        For reasons of compatibility and understanding, I personally
prefer Asians (not necessarily OLNY Indians). I think that we are willing
to sacrifice more than our American/European counterparts for the family
institution. We take care of our kids as long as we can and the family
fiber is very thick. This is why families stay together through thick and
thin and parents and even grandparents end up staying together with their
children/grandchildren when they grow old. I have seen OLD American men
and women going around on their own with no love or care from their child-
ren. This would never happen in India as we respect our elders a lot.
	Indians get along with other Indians more easily than Caucasians
and are also more understanding towards them, which is why you'll see them
staying together in groups of 3 or 4 in the SAME partment (though this is
necessitated MORE BY ECENOMICAL CONSTRAINTS than a liking for other Indians!) 
and taking turns in cooking and other stuff and living with the same room-
mates for periods of 2-4 years. I have never seen my American friends doing 
this. They are always changing apartments and complaining about how bad 
their old room-mate was.
	I think that Indian men should make more effort to go out and
find their women rather than objecting to foreigners being interested
in Indian women. Also we should try to create more situations where we
can meet members of the opposite sex either Indian or foreigners. This
will definitely help a LOT of people who I see being frustrated because
they do not have some one to go out with on a Friday !! This article is
getting too long and so I will terminate it here. Hope this helps.

vishram

PS: How about a new newgroup for the same :-) :-) "alt.personals.indian" ?