From: rlc1028@zeus.tamu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rush-limbaugh,alt.rush-limbaugh,alt.politics.clinton,alt.politics.homosexuality,alt.politics.bush
Subject: Re: Alternative Families
Date: 17 Dec 1992 11:42 CST
Organization: Texas A&M University, College Station, TX
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: zeus.tamu.edu

In article <1992Dec17.160646.20839@Arco.COM>, dprjdg@inetg1.ARCO.COM (John Grasham) writes...

|It is important to portray families based on sexual practices because the
|sexual activities of the parents matter to the children.  It matters a
|great deal to them.

	I have not found young children to be aware of sexual practises between 
their parents or anyone, with the exception of kissing, perhaps.  They 
know mommy and daddy sleep together, but usually no more than that.


|  Children understand at a visceral level when mommy or daddy
|can't or won't commit to a loved person on a permanent basis.  

	Yes.  This is true.  Though it has little to do with same-gender
parents who are indeed in a committed relationship or marriage.


|One of the great fears that any child has is of abandonment.  They worry
|about the relationships that their parents have because this tells them
|something about their parents.

	A child will have this fear if he has an history of being 
abandoned... divorce, etcet.


|  Sexual activities matter because they
|not only affect the "consenting adults" but all those who depend on them.
|Children know from the experience of their peers that the sexual practices
|of their parents can result in abandonment of the kids by one of the
|parents when a parent "runs off" with a new love.

	Yes.


|One of the other fears that children harbor, is that of being different
|or odd.  My own children have said they now feel very unusual because they
|live in a family where the original mommy and daddy are still married to
|each other.  This puts them in an envied minority group (among their
|peers).  This is an example of a beneficial difference (no child is proud
|when their parents get another divorce, but are envious of the child whose
|parents have never been divorced).

	You're saying that the children feel out of place, unusual, as 
minorities, and yet this is overall a beneficial difference.

	Sounds like a mixed bag to me.  


|Any child that lives in a family with two parents of the same sex, will be
|well aware of the difference between his/her family and any other.

	Yes, at some point.  



|Not only will the child be in a family with one biological and one "step"
|parent (as in a divorce/remarriage situation), they will realize as soon
|as they understand simple biology (it takes a male and a female chicken
|to make a baby chick), that their family is not and cannot be a biological
|, or "normal" family.

	Of course, it's not quite like the divorce situation if the child 
was raised by two same-gender parents who have been together from the
beginning.  In a divorce, there is someone new, replacing someone old.
The child may feel a sense of instability.  But in a family where the
parents have been together ever since they've had the child, this 
opportunity for instability does not exist.

	The child would become aware of the differences between his family 
and others, and he is apt to learn tolerance for others.  This would be an 
example of a beneficial difference that even a young a child is equipped to 	
understand.


|My conclusions are that a same-sex couple should decide on their own to be
|child-less.  If one is already a custodial parent, perhaps consideration
|should be given to transferral of custody.

	My conclusion is that saame-gender couples should decide on their
own whether or not to have children.  Often times, there is no issue of 
transfer of custody in that the other biological parent of the child is 
also Homosexual.  And, relinquishing custody to the State it completely
out of the question.


|If that is not feasible, perhaps a change to a celibate lifestyle, 
|with a decision by the couple to be room-mates, but not sexual partners.

	How is the child going to know the difference?  I mean, if the 
parents are roommates, I assume they'd still be sleeping behind closed 
doors.  Will this somehow make the child think then that his parents are
just like heterosexual parents?  No.


|Many sacrifices are routinely
|made for one's children, and the children are often grateful for these
|sacrifices even without being told of them.  Having and raising children
|is all about growing out of selfishness and growing into a greater
|capacity for sacrificial love.

	But to sacrifice the love of one for the gratitude of another,
as you are suggesting by having same-sex parents remaining celibate, is 
this a necessary or effectual sacrifice?

	I don't think so.

	Your complaints are that Homosexual families make the children feel 
weird to an intolerable degree, and you oppose attempts to educate
children to reduce the social stigma of same-sex parents.

	"It's not the pot that grows the flower".  It's the sun and the
nutrients in the dirt.  Building a system of trust, stability, and love is 
what it takes to make a family.  Doing so is well within the capabilities 
of Homosexual parents as much as it is for Hetero parents.  

Gadson
Newsgroups: alt.fan.rush-limbaugh