From: lauraf@classy.Jpl.Nasa.Gov (Laura Floom)
Subject: Re: 10-year-old ostracized at school
Organization: Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, CA
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 21:07:56 GMT

In article <1992Oct14.195834.3271@mdd.comm.mot.com> schulman@mdd.comm.mot.com (Jan Schulman) writes:
>In article 1@stsci.edu, mryan@stsci.edu () writes:
>>My 10-year-old son Eddie, who has always had trouble making friends, is now
>>being actively ostracized by the other 5th-graders.  For example, when he
>
>My suggestion is to change class for him right away. The situation will
>be better if popular Danny is not around. A good teacher might try to

This may work, but I could see how it may backfire, and make it even worse.
Several people have mentioned how new kids are automatically suspect in
a new class/school. Many will overcome it, and go on to make friends. Kids
that are not good at making friends and dealing with a new situation may find
themselves back in the same situation that they were before the move. If the
child knows why he was moving, and it doesnt work, it will be an even harder
situation to deal with. I am thinking of many adult friends who moved or 
changed jobs or returned to school, etc, because they thought life would 
somehow get better for them, but it doesnt always work, and imagine how 
frustrating it must be. 

I could see it working if something about the child had changed, and in
a new school he wont have to be stigmatized by something no longer exists.

BTW, I cant remember if this came up in the original thread, but I remember
quite distinctly how some of my grade school teachers would join in the
ostracization of an unpopular child. I remember my 5th grade teacher saying
something cruel to a child that was being teased by other kids. I remember
feeling really upset by it at the time, and feeling that it was a whole 
different issue then kids teasing each other. I also remember my 6th grade
tacher doing the same thing, but this time I wasnt as shocked. Maybe I was
used to it by then. I was almost a victim of it in 4th grade because my 
teacher made fun of my, then fading, English accent. My best friend stood up
for me, and it never stuck because although I wasnt very popular at the time,
the Beatles were very big back then, and my english accent was about all I
had going for me. In my 7 years in grade school (K-6) that is three teachers
that I can distinctly remember giving a child a hard time, in a way similar to
the was the kids do it. Scary!

A couple of years ago I was talking to acouple of friends who were grade
school teachers. They both said that when their kids were old enough for
school they were going to do everything they could to make sure the teachers
really liked them (the parents) because many teachers show more interest in
children of parents they like, and will often take out their frustrations on
children (of parents) they dont like. It is awful to think about it, but I 
suppose it is human nature. I told my friends about my memories of teachers 
teasing the the less popular kids, and I was assured that my memories were
probably accurate.

A good possiblity is to get on the teachers good side, and then ask the
teacher for help in getting Eddie through this tough time. I suspect
there are little things that a teacher can do to make a kid more popular.

Laura Floom


Newsgroups: misc.kids