From: dwatson@cser.encore.com (Santa)
Subject: Example personals, why women don't post(12-days)
Organization: Encore Computer Corporation
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 23:17:17 GMT
Summary: Humorous posting-12 days of Xmas
Keywords: Twelve days of Christmas


Here is a good example why women don't post... Sometimes they get more
than bargained for!

Santa

PS: The following post contains some four-letter words. Although it is a
tremendously funny look at a Christmas tradition, please don't find offense.
BTW, if any S*F seeks humor...
 
 
 
 
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS.......... 
 
 
 
 
December 14th 
 
 
Dearest John: 
 
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a 
pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised. 
 
With dearest love and affection, Agnes 
 


 
December 15th 
 
Dearest John: 
 
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle 
doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just 
adorable. 
 
All my love, Agnes 
 


 
December 16th 
 
Dear John: 
 
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve 
such generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling but I must 
insist.... you're just too kind. 
 
Love Agnes 
 


 
December 17th 
 
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are 
beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic. 
 
Affectionately, Agnes 
 


 
December 18th 
 
Dearest John: 
 
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for 
each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all 
those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves. 
 
All my love, Agnes 
 


 
December 19th 
 
Dear John: 
 
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front 
steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where 
will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep 
through the racket. PLEASE STOP! 
 
Cordially, Agnes 
 


 
December 20th 
 
John: 
 
What's with you and those fucking birds???? Seven swans a-swimming. What 
kind of goddam joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and they 
never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. 
IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop with those fucking birds. 
 
Sincerely, Agnes 
 


 
December 21st 
 
OK Buster: 
 
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids 
a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, 
but they had to bring their own goddam cows. There is shit all over the 
lawn and I can't move into my own house. Just lay off me. SMART ASS. 
 
Ag 
 


 
December 22nd 
 
Hey Shithead: 
 
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And 
Christ - do they play. They never stopped chasing those maids since they got 
here yesterday morning. The cows are upset are stepping all over those 
screeching birds. No wonder they screeh. What am I going to do? The 
neighbors have started a petetion to evict me. You'll get yours. 
 
>From Ag 
 


 
December 23rd 
 
You Rotten Prick: 
 
Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. 
They've been balling those nine pipers all night long. Now the cows can't 
sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The 
commisioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building 
shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you. 
 
One who means it, Ag 
 


 
December 24th 
 
Listen Fuckhead: 
 
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and aforementioned 
"ladies"? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran 
through the maids and have been commiting sodomy with the cows. All 234 of 
the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope 
you're satisfied, you rotten swine. 
 
Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister 
 


 
December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spredar, and Baegar) 
 
Dear Sir: 
 
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of tweleve fiddlers fiddling, which 
you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The 
destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our 
attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale 
Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With 
this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest. 





Merry Christmas to all!

:-)