From: nlt@gboro.glassboro.edu (N. L. Tinkham)
Subject: Spiritual leadership in the home
Organization: Department of Computer Science, Glassboro State College
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 04:54:12 GMT

     Ian Williams recently mentioned the idea of the husband being the
"spiritual head of the home".  I have heard this and similar phrases before;
it was part of the teaching I received on home and family as a teenager.  But
I have recently realized that I can't figure out what it means, or how it might
be implemented to the good of the family, and so I'd like to ask Christia
readers who hold this view what they mean by it, and how it works in practice.


     I'll describe myself as a hypothetical example, if that helps.  I'm
a rather solitary person by temperament, and I find that my spiritual life 
grows out of solitude.  My best times of prayer are those when I am alone
and quiet, listening to God and not distracted by conversation.  When doing
theology, I read and reflect carefully, so that each belief I adopt is truly
my own.  And so on.  Corporate worship and the theological reflections
of the Christian community are important, of course; but it seems to be in
solitude rather than in the group that I best hear God.

     When I got married at 28, I had been a Christian for most of my life.  I
had been living in my own apartment for eight years, and I was an active member
of a nearby church.  I prayed and studied regularly, because I chose to, not
because any group or family member made me -- there was no one there to check
up on me.

     Now, I understand the value of spiritual companionship.  Darren and I
share joys and problems and insights; we strengthen each other; and Darren
has shown me more of God's love than anyone or anything else in my life.

     The mystery to me is how to introduce spiritual leadership in a useful
way.  It isn't really even the male-female question that's the puzzle, but
rather why leadership helps at all, and how it works.  Suppose a husband and
wife decide that he should be the spiritual leader of the couple.  How does
this actually work?  Does she try to make her prayers more like his and
less like her own?  Does he select ministries that they will both be
involved in?  Does he determine which church they will attend, and how often?

     I don't want to argue about egalitarian vs. hierarchical marriages
(at least, not in this discussion :-) ); I assume all participants in
the discussion have chosen what they think best enables them to serve God,
and that we aren't going to change each other's minds.  But I do want to
understand those who value spiritual leadership in the home, and I really 
do have trouble picturing what it means to change the path of my journey
with God so that it follows someone else's path.

     My questions for those with hierarchical marriages, then, are:  1) How
does spiritual leadership in your home work, in day to day practice?  and
2) How do you find it benefitting you and your spouse in your Christian life
and growth?
_____________________________________________________________________________

                                              Nancy Tinkham
                                              nlt@gboro.glassboro.edu
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU