From: kinsman@jupiter.sun.csd.unb.ca (Aphoriel/Kinsman)
Subject: 4th episode Space Rangers (*POSSIBLE SPOILERS*)
Organization: University of New Brunswick
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 03:00:06 GMT

You know, I've read this group for a few weeks and I'm beginning to suspect
I'm the earliest person to get the scoop on new episodes of Space Rangers:
I just saw it about an hour and a half ago...

My opinion?  Well; when it first came out I thought it was stupid and dull.
Now? Well, though I resisted it hard as anything, now I'm coming to admit to
myself... I like it. Yes I do.

But Oh My God, you'll never get me to forgive all the bloody stupid errors they
make in each episode...

Episode Four : This week's archetype: "Indiana Jones and the Forbidden Planet
of Doom."

When you see this show, you'll probably come to the conclusion that this was
meant to be the first episode, rather than the episode with Ringer the android.
Boon's wife and kids are on the station still; I guess they left when the
series began in earnest.  Strange, though, that they mentioned "banshees" 
and then introduced them as though it was their first appearance: this makes
two episodes, since it seemed they treated banshees in the second episode,
too, as if the audience had never seen them before.

List of Stupidities Follows (*SPOILER WARNING*)

 

"Decker, the Model Space Ranger":  In the opening scene, we see Decker and co.
machete-ing around on a jungle planet, obviously in dire straits.  In this
scene, we get to see the super-competent ex-ranger who taught Boon everything
he knew slap at somebody's water canteen, spilling precious water: pull some
-one away from a guy being dragged down by creeper vines, saying "He's a goner!"when the obvious thing to do escapes him (blow it away! They had guns handy,
and it's what the *real* Space Rangers did when they met up with one.), and
basically act like an uncharismatic lout.... Yep, this explains why Boon is
such an incompetent fool, doesn't it?

"Vaporous Subplot, Part 1":  From the hand-touching scene, obviously Decker and
the girl who got ejected loved each other... very touching, but did you notice
this point was never brought up again in the whole show?

"Who forgot to refuel the Eject Pod?":  Notice that as the pod took off, it
curved *downward* slightly?  There's no way that pod would be leaving the 
planet at *that* trajectory, unless perhaps it bounced a few times to gain
momentum :).  Gee, maybe that's why she looked so beat up when the pod landed..

"Less fuel, more speed!":  Aagh! Did you hear Boon mention that as they were
about to take off?  That makes *no sense* in space, since a ship is weightless.
*More* fuel gives more speed, since you can afford longer bursts to accelerate
to a higher velocity.. and who cares if more fuel adds mass, the extra mass
is likely negligible in ratio to the thrust it produces (this being the 
important chemical property of fuel..), and you'll be burning it off anyway,
so you'd lose mass, right?  Anyhow, in an actual space mission, Boon couldn't
ask for something like that; what he'd get is *exactly* as much fuel as he
needed, with a bit more for emergencies...

"LF, MS: Lightspeed Donut collary":  And if you're going to be going through
a lightspeed donut anyway, why even bother with this business about fuel?

"Classic SR Donut Question":  Why isn't everybody plastered at the rear of
the ship's interior when the ship goes lightspeed, why does simple forward
gravitational pressure make you puke, and why does experience in these ships
make is so that you are completely unconcerned with puking?

"Classic SR Donut Question II":  I doubt there's another donut orbiting Skaraab.Someone posted earlier that that would just mean a longer trip back, but think..They went *lightspeed*.  This means they have to go about 30 light-hours 
distance.  On chemical thrust.  Uh oh.  Didn't Boon ask for half fuel? :(

"Classic SR Ship Question":  Why does that ship rattle so much?  Technology
must have gotten pretty shoddy over the years in the space travel field if
a spaceship can't give a smooth ride going in a *perfectly straight line*...

"Don't all move to the side at once, guys...":
A 110 pound stowaway causes a mass distribution problem and the ship must
drop out of lightspeed.  Damn!  Lightspeed travel sure is tricky.  That rookie
was right: it would have been dangerous not to take a full crew complement :).
I wonder:  if Doc moved to the right side of the ship and started jumping up
and down, would the Slingship veer to the right and end up at Altair 
or something?

"Vaporous Subplot, Part 2.":  Anybody know why the girl stowed away?  
Anybody know what happened to her at the end?  Anybody know why she only got
three lines in the whole episode?  Anybody know what was the *point* of this
character?

"ALERT! 'Uh, get out the reference book, guys...'":
When the banshees attack, the navigation screens turn into a full-screen ALERT
message.   Ok, if something like that happens, we can surmise that this ALERT
is THE ALERT: the alarm system, THE Everybody-listen-up-outstanding-circum-
stance-ALERT.  What shows up?

ALERT Code XXXXX Code XXXXX

And those codes look pretty unmnemonic, which means that just about each and
every combination of letters and numbers has some special significance.
This means a Space Ranger (or maybe just JoJo) is obliged to memorize anywhere
from 10^10 to 36^10 combinations of code, and their significance.  Couldn't
the programmers of THE ALERT system just put in some helpful text with their
codes?  Something like 'Banshees Attacking!' or something like that...

"We come in peace (Shoot to kill)...":
When the Rangers entered the cave, why did they have their guns out and were
making like guerillas when they were on a rescue mission?

"Rookie, you IDIOT!!!":  Yes, it was all very nice that Rookie came to help out,but uh... everybody else in the ship came via armored pod.  That meant Rookie
did too.  And Rookie was the one who pressed the manual control to launch the
others off.  How did Rookie press the manual control to launch himself?
More importantly; how are they going to GET BACK UP THERE???  Did Rookie think
that girl was going to operate the controls?  She didn't even know enough to
avoid a mass indistribution when she stowed away...  By all rights, those 
Rangers should be frying in the firewall by now.

Either that, or they should be about .001 % of the way home by now... :)

I may like the show, but good science fiction it is definitely not.

-Aphoriel/Kinsman
Sean Givan.

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