Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Subject: Re: Jokes
From: lindsay+@cs.cmu.edu (Donald Lindsay)
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 20:13:25 GMT
Organization: School of Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon


jerry@lds-az.loral.com (J Barbera) writes:
>I think humor concerning Scn or its founder objectionable.

The following is my (slender) collection of jokes told *by* Scientologists:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: exuptr@exu.ericsson.se (Patrick Taylor)

In article <kn1n42INNn6s@phad.hsc.usc.edu> lfreeman@phad.hsc.usc.edu (Leny Freeman) writes:
>MOVE MOUNTAINS? HELL I'M AN OT5 AND IF I WANT TO MOVE A MOUNTAIN I'LL NEED
>A 'DOZER AND A LOT OF DYNAMITE.  I'VE GOTTEN A LOT OF GOOD PERSONALLY OUT 
>OF SCIENTOLOGY, BUT IF I WANT THE EARTH TO MOVE I GRAB FOR A SHOVEL. :)


Reminds me of a joke...

There are 3 scientologists in a diner.

One is a clear, the second is OT III, and the third is OT VII.

It has been a long time since the sat down, and they are all getting hungry.
Of course, OT VII's never really get hungry, but that's another joke...

So the clear says, "I'll just get my intention in on that waitress over
there and she will just come right over here.  No doubt."

Minutes pass.

The OT III then says, "I'll show you how it's really done.  I've been 
through the Wall of Fire."

"I'll put tractor beams on her that could jerk an 18 wheeler over here."

Minutes pass.

Finally the OT VII congnized that the others had no idea what Scientology 
was all about and that he was going to have to make it go right himself.

He stood up and shouted across the restaurant, "Waitress!  Could you come
here, please?"
---

Electra@vfz.earth.com writes:

     Did you hear about the Polack on the Clearing Course?
     He As-ised his analytical mind.
 
     What do BT's (Body Thetans) have in common with Dole Pineapples?
     They were both canned in Hawaii.

     The motto of the Sea Org: 'We always come back.'
     The motto of the Guardian's Office: 'We never left.'

     I joined Scientology because I thought I was inhibited.
     I found out I was inhabited.
 
     Scientology is ABOUT jokes.  A session without laughter
     is a waste of time.
---
From: whatis@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Lupus Yonderboy)
Steve Boswell 

...here's the only Scientology joke I've ever heard.  Told to me by
the HES at the San Diego org.

A Scientologist dies and goes to Heaven, and when he gets there, an
angel tells him "God wants to see you right away."  So he goes to
where God is, and there's L. Ron Hubbard, sitting on a golden throne.
The person says "Wow!  I didn't know you were God!"  And LRH says "I'm
not, I'm just holding it from above."

("Holding from above" is the term used when a superior is doing the
job of a subordinate post.  For instance, if the Director of
Inspecions and Reports is writing an ethics order, he doesn't sign it
"Ethics Officer" or "Dir I&R", he signs it "Ethics Officer HFA".)
---
The above prompted this relply:
From: Elizabeth.Mccoy@bbs.oit.unc.edu (Elizabeth Mccoy)

Varient bopping around the Austin Org. LRH then says, "I had to send God
to cramming."

[Cramming: where it's found that an org is doing something wrong, and
gets subjected to intense re-training on that subject. ]

---
From: lfreeman@phad.hsc.usc.edu (Leny Freeman)

Once there was a newspaper reporter who was constantly trying to get
'news' about L. Ron Hubbard.  He would secretly follow him everywhere.
One time he followed LRH when he went on vacation up in the mountains.

Early one morning the reporter quietly followed Ron as he took a row
boat into the middle of the lake to do some fishing.  As he waited
several minutes to get his first bite, one of the oars fell out of the
oar-lock and drifted about twenty feet away.  Ron sat there and
thought a moment and made sure no one was watching.  He then got out
of the boat and quickly walked across the water to retrieve the lost
oar.  All this time the reporter was busily making notes.

The next morning the newpaper carried the following headline:
"L. Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology, can not swim"

-------------------------< END >---------------------------------------
-- 
Don		D.C.Lindsay	Carnegie Mellon Computer Science