From: dmcdowel@Nimitz.mcs.kent.edu (Duane McDowell)
Subject: Re: "We could still be friends"
Reply-To: dmcdowel@mcs.kent.edu
Organization: Kent State University CS
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 22:52:31 GMT

Somehow I couldn't  resist making a few comments..

> > : >>What do you do when someone says "I really like you, but it'll never be
> > : >>anything more"?

	I don't mean to be cruel here but So what? That person said
that they really liked you didn't they? It's not the worst thing in
the world to just be friends. Several of my friends (who are female)
have just wanted to be friends with me. I see friendship as a positive
thing. With female friends you meet more females.. (since they to tend
to hang out and talk to other females.


> > To hear someone say this annoys me, because I consider a romantic relationship
> > a *possible* outgrowth of a friendship - not the only one, merely a possibility.
> > To lock one out of one's life forever and ever this way is to deny that that
> > psrt of you is ever accessible to your "friend".  I agree with David - it *is*
> > a dishonest statement.  What is often meant is "well, either I don't have the
> > heart to tell you to get lost, or I see some personal advantage to using you,
> > so I'll just LJBF you, and that way I can have my cake and eat it, too."
> 
	Not all men or women do things specifically to hurt other
people. I just think of the friendship they have opened up to you...
They just want to be friends.. that's the greatest thing on the
planet. would you rather they told you that they hate you? Friends do 
tend to last longer than boyfriends do. And If you can't be their
friend then your just proving them right. That nothing will ever
happen between the two of you regardless of who you are. A true friend
that is interested in the person will stay around and be there for
their friends. And enjoy the time they spend together rather than
trying to push something that one or both isn't ready for. If things
happen than great. But you must be mature enough to realize that they
don't want you, and you shouldn't hang around because your stubborn
and want what you can't have. You should enjoy it. Many people when
they don't have a person, look at themselves as incomplete rather than
a complete human being that they are. And so they are miserable while
they watch things happen that they have no control over such as other
people. Don't do that to yourself. Learn to like who you are and
you'd be surprised how differently people look at you. 

> > 
> > The types of women who do this are very often the ones who, time after time,
> > get involved with men who manipulate them, use them, then dump them, leaving
> > them "heartbroken".  They seldom realize that it's *their* selection process
	
	Perhaps. But is it your place to tell them what is wrong?
There are many reasons why they choose the one they did. But
complaining that "he's a jerk", isn't going to make you look any
better in her eyes. is it? No. But if you concentrate on being the
best person you are no matter what the curcumstances are things might change.
You might think that this is easy for me to say since by now You think I might
be taken. I'm not. There is nothing wrong with me and I still have a
great time with friends and family.
        Have you ever considered that "their selection process, is just
right for them?" Or that they have choosen the right person for themselves?
If they are happy, who is to blame them? If they aren't it won't last. And if
it does last then is that person the one you want to date anyway? Do you know
what happens to these women who you claim get manipulated, when they are
alone with the guy they love? Don't be quick to judge and perhaps the women
won't be so quick to judge you. What goes around comes around.

> LJBF recently. I can be friends with a man who hasn't got the qualities I am
> looking for in a longterm partner. So, again, why lose a fromer/potential 
> friend by saying piss off to them? (If this is the alternative to saying "I 
> like you as a friend but there can never be more between us")


	Agreed.... being friends is better than no contact at all. no
relationship at all.

	
> I've had to say these words to someone recently who is a friend, was a friend 
> and there is an awful lot of chemistry floating about, as well. However, for 
> many, many reasons I know I would never last a lifetime with him, and to spare 
> him the pain of a year long fling, I felt that friends only was the thing to 
> be. I am sure this is not a unique case! 

	Year long? only a year huh? How do you know how long it would
last? The future isn't written yet. is it? "Ah.. I see it's the book
in your hands that tells you what's going to happen in the future..
"let's see.. what my book says.. I am going to be maddly in love with
Mrs. Columbo by the year 2001. And Goerge Orwell is going to have BIG
brother keeping an eye on us before we are in the year 1994. 
How do you know that he'll be in pain after a year long fling? A year is
a long time and alot of wonderful things could happen during that
time. Don't you think? Perhaps your decision was the only one that
made you comfortable in an uncomfortable uneasy, guessing game, growing out
of control relationship that you needed to keep a lid on. Who said
that he want's a lifetime from you....


						Well I've said my 
						 peace,
						 
						Good will to all men,
						 Duane McDowell

						Happy Holidays

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 or 	   Mathm592@ksuvxb.kent.edu

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Newsgroups: alt.romance