HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: um, so much for mourning...
From: Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower)
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 06:22:15 GMT
Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand.

In article <1992Oct3.020932.14461@spdcc.com> dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer) writes:
>In article <1992Oct2.232529.2287@u.washington.edu> cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (Jason Black) writes:
>>so what are we *supposed* to say?  this sort of thing leaves me at a loss for
>>words.  
>
>Exacty what you've said in the rest of your article.  Eloquence is never an
>issue at a time like this.  Hearing nothing (even allowing for the typical
>excuse of not knowing what to say) is terribly painful to those who are left
>with their grief, and even the smallest expression of sympathy or concern
>matters a lot.
>
>I like Sim's idea of a donation to fund, and second it.

As Scott said, a lot of people sent him email rather than posting, and
until people knew more about the death, they were even more reticent.

Scott also said he would post more later, and some people wanted to
avoid putting pressure on him to say more, before he was ready.

Yes, I communicated with Karla, and will miss her.


Gavin


-- 
Tomorrow's Society                              | flower_g@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
    Depends on                                   ----------------------------
Today's Children  - help us raise them properly! 
*******  These comments have no known correlation with dept. policy!  *******
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: ******SPOILT HER*****
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 22:19:45 GMT

Excuse me for interrupting this "who's at fault" thread, but it seems to me
that one can take one of two attitudes: (1) poor pity me, my parents/friends/
family raped/abused me, so let's have a pity party for me.  Result: one wallows
in shame and fear and self-pity. (2) OK, so my parents/friends/family fucked
me over, but I'm not going to let it ruin my life; I'm gonna stand up for myself
and not let anyone else step on me.

Most, if not all, survivors go through stage (1) for awhile; this is normal.
It's when you *stay* there that the problem comes in.  People see someone who
stays at (1) as not being very willing to improve themselves - "hey, if Ed
can't get his shit together, why should I waste my time trying to help him?"
There's a time for grieving for what has happened to one, and there's a time
for moving on.

I'm not faulting anyone for hanging out at their own pity party - god(dess)
knows, I've done it often enough.  It's just when you stay after everyone
else's gone that one wakes up and realizes that everyone else's gone home.
They've gone on - perhaps it's time to leave the pity party behind and get on
with one's life...
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: I think it's progress
Date: 2 Oct 92 23:35:17 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)

In article <9210021754.AA14007@bottom.magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> Susan R Pence <srpence@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> writes:
[description of situation with supervisor deleted]
>    Opinions??? How would you guys (gals?) have handled it. 

Probably not half as well as you did - I'm really proud of you!  You
showed a lot of strength and resourcefulness.  Good for you!

Holly

-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)     
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu (Lydia Uribe)
Subject: Re: Goldberry's lost ***** SPOILERS ***** (second try)
Organization: Claremont Shelter for Maladjusted Singers
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 15:37:37 GMT

Goldberry --

*Thank you* for posting the story of your year so far -- your courage is
amazing and inspiring, and I needed to be reminded that it *is* possible to
climb out of the pit that we find ourselves in.

Ehugs if you can use them, and I'm looking forward to seeing more from you.
Thanks again!

					Lydia

"You're more than beginning -- you're learning to fly;
 You feel like you're falling, but it passes in time...."
			"From Me to You", Janis Ian
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Soprano (Lydia M. Uribe)                      uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu |
| Claremont, CA                                  uribe@hmcvax.claremont.edu |
|           Cats, quilts and diving -- what more could anyone ask?          |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
From: anon-1055@twwells.com (m&m)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Thanks to all :)
Date: 6 Oct 92 14:42:05 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

A great big thank you to all who responded to my earlier post.  Michael &
I are both feeling a whole lot better.  We talked with our friend yesterday
and it was sort of rocky all around, but we got thru it understanding each
other.

This has been the way I've made most of my big breakthroughs.  I kind of let 
things come up, then get scared and block them at the last moment.  They build 
up just below the surface, close enought that I'm aware they are there, but
still not willing todo anything.  Then they eventually just burst out.  Not the
best way to make progress, but it beats repressing it all and forcing it back
deep inside :)

Anyway thank you all of you.  I felt very good reading all my email and posts
Monday morning

Fare Well
m&m



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From: tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: mpd
Date: 1 Oct 92 23:13:09 GMT

anon-1005@twwells.com (Bones) writes:
> I'm also multiple but not due to cult abuse.  Do any of you have
> alters that panic and fight against telling?  The fear is that
> exposure to others will open us to destruction.  Of course, being
> stuck inside all the time is pretty destructive.  Can't do any real
> living if we are trying so hard not to let people know we are here.

yes! especially for me WRITING. it is like the ulitmate taboo....
if you write it someone will SEE it.....
and the second part is true as well, I think, for me, that paranoia comes
with the teritory of being a ritual abuse survivor.....(I assume most folks
are bad, yet I have this horrible naive streak as well...)
From: bill@twwells.com (T. William Wells)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: e-mail outage at twwells.com
Date: 2 Oct 92 15:58:07 GMT
Organization: None, Mt. Laurel, NJ

Yesterday, Thursday, and possibly part of Wednesday, a bug in a
program at decwrl, my main e-mail connection, caused it to drop
some e-mail into the bitbucket. If you sent anything to
twwells.com in the past two days and didn't get the expected
response to it, you may want to resend it.

BTW, I'm changing my main e-mail connection to rutgers; when this
is complete, in perhaps a week, twwells.com will respond a lot
more quickly to messages sent to the anonymous message service.

---
Bill                            { rutgers | decwrl | telesci }!twwells!bill
bill@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1199@twwells.com (Abby)
Subject: Re: tips for sleeping
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 18:15:56 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Someone (Sherry? help! I can't vremember names!) posted a long list
 of tips on how to get to sleep at night.  Included was playing
the radio quietly "all night" with the caution that you might not
sleep quite as well, but at least you'd calm down more and be more
likely to *fall* asleep in the first place.

A notion I thought I'd suggest:  ya know those timer-thingamijis you
plug your lights into to scare away the burglars when you go on vacation?
Get one for your radio.  Set it to turn off the radio about a couple
of hours after you settle into bed.  Experiment with the timing (and
the volume and the choice of music/station) until you get a combination
that works for *you*.  That way, the radio will be there while you're
still awake at one a.m., but won't suddenly disturb your sleep with
an abrupt blare of music at three a.m.

Hope this helps someone out there.

e-hugs to anyone who wants 'em -- especially those who're having a 
rough night.



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for a help message
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anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: tyau7@isuvax.iastate.edu (C. Marie Riggins)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Karla Marie Alwan
Date: 28 Sep 92 19:58:11 GMT
Reply-To: tyau7@isuvax.iastate.edu
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames, Iowa


     I haven't been around very long, not near long enough to get to know
Karla as well as I would have liked to.  I just wanted to say goodbye and thank
you for touching my life.  May God bless you a thousand times over, wherever you
are.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
* C. Marie Riggins                     | "What's homework?"                   *
| TYAU7@isuvax.iastate.edu             * -often credited to the first college |
* TY.AU7@isumvs.iastate.edu            |  student.                            *
| cmriggin@iastate.edu                 * ISU and I _DO NOT_ share opinions.   |
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1267@twwells.com (Brian)
Subject: Hey, Dan!
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 01:34:46 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


I tried to shoot something off to you today and it got bounced back.
You gave me your internet address, but for the moment I'd like to con-
tinue the double-blind cloak-and-dagger routine.  That means I have
to respond to you through the twwells system.

In order for me to do that, you have to enable your alias (that was
generated for you when you replied to my posting) to forward e-mail I 
send to  you.  There's a help message and FAQ on the menus somewhere
that explain how.  But succintly, all you need to do is e-mail a mes-
sage to anon-ping@twwells.com that has the follwing line in it:

ANON-Mail: yes

The syntax of this command is evidently somewhat picky; i.e., it's my
understanding that it has to begin in column one and have all the right
capitalization and spaces.  

Thanks for replying to me; I do want to respond to you.



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Fatigue, painful emotions... (semi-spoiler)
Date: 3 Oct 92 00:00:37 GMT
Organization: Supercomputer Systems Division, Intel Corp.

In article <1992Oct2.194020.4931@netcom.com> enigma@netcom.com (Enigma) writes:
>
>follow-up:
>
>First, thanks to the people who e-mailed me - it helped a lot.  I'll
>be replying later, when (hopefully) I'll be feling better...
>
>I'm home from work today.  I logged in, but my boss didn't come in
>either, and nobody else was around.  I'm just going to work at home.
>
>I had a really bad dream - I dreamed my dad got an Internet account,
>and was trying to show me how to use the newsreader (he was always
>assuming that I didn't know stuff), and I realized he was about to
>read the article I posted yesterday, so I was frantically trying to
>log on so I could cancel the article, but the serial cable came loose,
>and when I tried to fix it the ends turned into a bunch of hairpins
>(like the ones my grandmother used to wear).  It was awful.
>
>I keep trying to supress the negative emotions - it's really hard
>to just sit here and experience the feelings of fear and anger
>and not try to calm down or distract myself.  But that's what I
>have to do.  It got so hard to breathe last night that my SO was
>ready to drag me to the doctor.  If it had gotten any worse I think
>I would have let him, too.  I'm starting to understand why my
>health has been so bad all these years, why I developed asthma in
>the first place.
>
>I hope this doesn't last too much longer...  <sigh>
>
>Holly
>-- 
>Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
>1803 Mission Street, #339          
>Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
>(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)     


Holly,

	I think that dream was very vivid.  I'm sending warmth your way,
and thanks for sharing your progress, it gives me hope and stength.
-- 
_____________________________________________________________________________
Peter Warton  (the h was dropped    | Against my better judgement (not to
over 800 years ago) 		    | mention the advice of my friends) I
warton@ssd.intel.com		    | speak for myself.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: mpd
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 00:03:45 GMT

In article <1992Oct2.151322.7127@den.mmc.com> stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote) writes:
>In article <1992Sep30.213456.24153@unislc.uucp>, erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:
>|> Bones (anon-1005@twwells.com) wrote:
>
>You know when I think about it I can't see any reason why cult abuse should 
>be that rare.  Like I said in an earlier post I know of a small town that is
>pretty much controlled by a satanic cult - many of the big fish in the little
>pond are members of the cult.  Hard for me to beive that this is the only town
>this happens in.  Note that I DO NOT see any explicit linkage between withcraft
>and satanic cults.  I am only talking about satanic cults.

I also can't think of any reason why cult abuse should be all that rare.
Taking it as given that the abuse of children is fairly common and that
many people like ritual, it isn't surprising if they're combined. Since
ritual (when it hasn't gone completely dead) is an intensifier, it's
also plausible that the effects of ritual abuse would be extreme. 

I'd be very surprised to find out that there was a national or world-
wide Satanic conspiracy (I wouldn't expect Satanists to be able to
cooperate that well), but I'm not shocked to hear that local police
departments or governments are part of conspiracies.

Nancy Lebovitz
From: aberson@enh.nist.gov
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: RE: Karla Marie Alwan, wonderful person (was Re: um, so much for mourning)
Date: 2 Oct 92 15:31:44 GMT
Organization: NIST

In a previous article, scottk@cs.umd.edu (Scott King Walker) wrote:
>	Karla had many things that she never got to do... but one in
>particular was very important to her.  She wished to make some major
>contribution towards the fight against Child Abuse of all kinds.  I
>am going to continue this fight that I started with her.  You may do
>with this information whatever you feel is appropriate.

Perhaps finding a charity to which donations could be made in her name 
is in order.

       Sim Aberson   Ft. Lauderdale, FL   aberson%3328.span@sdsc.edu
"It's always Beach Party Barbie, or Malibu Barbie....  That shit does not
prepare you for the true horror of a real woman's life.  Where is Single,
Abused, Trailer-Park Barbie?"             - Roseanne Arnold
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: mpd
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 21:34:56 GMT

Bones (anon-1005@twwells.com) wrote:

: I'm also multiple but not due to cult abuse.  Do any of you have

Uh, "cult abuse"?  I wasn't aware that this was at all the case - the stats
I've seen say that "cult abuse" and such are very rare, except in the minds
of those who either have an axe to grind or have something to gain from running
around screaming "The Satanists are everywhere!"
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Falling off the edge ...... plink!
Date: 4 Oct 92 16:37:00 GMT
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <BvKM1x.Mr8@twwells.com>, anon-1055@twwells.com (m&m) writes...
>That's the issue.  Simon & Garfunkel's song "I am a rock, I am an Island" was
>my theme song for years.  I am so tempted to go back, but if I do Michael
>will die, but if I don't it'll hurt so bad I'll die anyway!!!

Someone else who used that as a theme song?  Wow!  I thought I was the only 
one.

> 
>Why the fuck can't anybody care about me??!?!
>Why won't they show me ?!?!?!
> 

I care about you.  

>ps I could sure use a hug 
> 

***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***HUG***
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
From: stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: for those considering Final
Date: 2 Oct 92 14:37:43 GMT
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group

Poohbear this was an awesome description of the process of healing and growth.
Its a hell of a lot of work - or has been for me, and in many ways I started a 
long way from the bottom of the hill.  Thanks for posting it I really felt
great reading it :)

--
Mike Stoughton
stote@den.mmc.com
From: scottk@cs.umd.edu (Scott King Walker)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Karla Marie Alwan, survivor
Date: 27 Sep 92 06:04:01 GMT
Organization: Computer Science, University of Maryland, College Park

Forgive me for the intrusion.  I feel that this is important,
because Karla is/was one of us.  I don't know quite how to say
this.  

Karla died early Friday morning.

As many of you know, Karla and I were a couple.  Our common
background was a major factor in bringing us together at the
beginning.  Being involved with her was wonderful, and it helped
me to heal a lot.  As much as it hurts right now, and I know it 
will hurt more before it hurts less, I am very glad that we had
what we had.  We brought brightness and healing into each other's
lives.  I regret that it couldn't go on much longer like we had
been expecting.

Very shortly before meeting Karla, I prayed.  I asked the Goddess
(in my view the same God as yours, it is just easier for me to 
deal with the feminine side) to send into my life "The next person
who would be a Major Positive Influence".  Well, it would seem that
that is exactly what she did.  In fact, sometimes I am even strong
enough to say that I think that THIS was something neccessary for
my growth.  I have never before had to deal with death close to me.
I am having to face it now.  

One of the next things that I have to do in my healing is to see
a counselor about things in my past.  Karla encouraged me in this,
but never pushed.  I have now seen one... I talked more about her
death, but I also had to talk about my healing... the two are 
intertwined.  

Karla didn't have time to do a lot of the things that she would
liked to have done.  She wanted to make an impact on the child
abuse problem.  She was going to do it, probably, through writing
as well as some other things...  She wanted to go to Disneyworld
with me.
=========================

I had to stop here for a while and go and cry... and then go and
do other things.  There is more that I want to say, I guess, but
to do so, I would have to go back and read this and feel all 
over the things that I have written... and I will.. but not
_now_.  

$----------------------------------------------------------------@
The Name is King, but "Your Majesty" will do just fine, thank you!
Scott King Walker  <--  scottk@cs.umd.edu  <--  scottk@eng.umd.edu
Blessed Be the World.  Merry Meet,  Merry Part,  Merry Meet Again. 
And just WHO is this "Merry" person anyway?  Blessed Be the Earth.
#----------------------------------------------------------------!
From: stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: mpd
Date: 2 Oct 92 15:13:22 GMT
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group

In article <1992Sep30.213456.24153@unislc.uucp>, erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:
|> Bones (anon-1005@twwells.com) wrote:
|> 
|> : I'm also multiple but not due to cult abuse.  Do any of you have
|> 
|> Uh, "cult abuse"?  I wasn't aware that this was at all the case - the stats
|> I've seen say that "cult abuse" and such are very rare, except in the minds
|> of those who either have an axe to grind or have something to gain from running
|> around screaming "The Satanists are everywhere!"
|> -- 
|> Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
|> "This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
|> happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
|> and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"

I don't know what the statistics are on cult abuse, the ones I've seen I didn't
remember cause they didn't have very good documentation of where they came from.
However what I do remember is that in survivors of cult abuse it is VERY
common for one of their survival mechanisms to be MP.

Shelly does not have MPD in that she has other alters that she can identify,
but she is very very adept at dissociating in numerous circumstances.  If we
are talking and I am saying something she doesn't want to hear - "I probably
have to work late tonight", "I  consider Thursdays to be my day to do the 
things I want to get done, without haveing to worry too much about us doing
things together", 2 recent examples - she just doesn't hear me.  If I ask her
about it afterwards she can kind of remember it but it clearlydidn't register.

So now If we are talking and I say something that I think should result in
some kind of response from Shelly & I don't get it, I try to explicitly ask
her if she heard me.

You know when I think about it I can't see any reason why cult abuse should 
be that rare.  Like I said in an earlier post I know of a small town that is
pretty much controlled by a satanic cult - many of the big fish in the little
pond are members of the cult.  Hard for me to beive that this is the only town
this happens in.  Note that I DO NOT see any explicit linkage between withcraft
and satanic cults.  I am only talking about satanic cults.

--
Fare Well :)
Mike Stoughton
stote@den.mmc.com