From: st1ns@rosie.uh.edu (Ault, Russell W.)
Subject: Re: American joke (oxymoron)
Summary: Americans suxk
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: University of Houston
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 02:07:00 GMT

In article <1992Sep12.010425.3073@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au>, 10u6070@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au writes...
>In article <1992Aug31.145217.202595@uctvax.uct.ac.za>, rybicki@uctvax.uct.ac.za writes:
>> So, chaps - enough of the Polish jokes already!  8-|
>> 
>> Here a sampling of some American jokes (from one who has lived there, milked
>> the system, and escaped, sane).
>> 
>> - their political system: who else would totally paralyse their decision-making
>> 	bodies for AT LEAST a quarter of the term of each President?

If our system were just a *little* bit better, we might paralyze the decision-making
process for THREE quarters of each administration!  You missed the point, we don't
want them to be able to do anything, they're DANGEROUS when they try to do anything!

>> 
>> - their TV: old-fashioned in technology, lousy in definition, and APALLING
>> 	in terms of programming (though the Simpsons and the Sinclairs have
>> 	their moments...second thoughts, ALL programming).
>> 

No contest.  You're right.  Which is why so many of the viewer-supported stations
import lots of programming from England.

>> - their houses: big bad Andrew went huff, and puff, and all the houses fell
>> 	down...try bricks next time, guys!
>> 

You lose here.  There was a conventional masonry (i.e., brick) house near my
parents' largely-undamaged concrete-block house, and the brick structure was a 
pile of rubble.  Bricks make a nice, weather-resistant veneer, but they need
help with a Category 4 (or 5) storm.

>> - their education system: you have to teach your kids to read at home, so they
>> 	can go to school to play!
>> 

On target, except that the problem is that nobody teaches the kids at home,
either.  

>> - their cars: only good ones are designed in Japan or Europe,
>> 	then assembled (badly) in the US.
>>

I would have agreed with you a few years ago.  I worked for VW dealers for 13 
years, and in and around the industry for more after that, and I now drive a
Ford Taurus.  There are a few Japanese cars in its price range which are as good,
but none are as large (and I need the room); there are none from Europe.

>> - their culture: seriously, a nation that treats large men who are intimately
>> 	acquainted with sweat and blood as well as the Yanks do, could give
>> 	ancient Rome some pointers.
>> 

Culture?  What has culture got to do with America?  Oh, you mean Yogurt.
No, American men don't eat yogurt.  Except in California, and they aren't
really Americans anyway.  (oooooh, I'm gonna hear about that one.)

>> - their sense of sportsmanship: 
   **Dream Team drivel deleted, see previous off-topic threads ex-US for why.**

>> - their beer: much as British beer was once described as warm urine with
>> 	bubbles, so US beer could be described as cold urine with bubbles.
>> 	Only the Mexicans and Canadians have any idea.
>>

Then why does Budsleazer sell so well elsewhere?  *Some* of us are all too
familiar with the fact that *most* American beer is like making love in a
canoe (fucking close to water), but those of us who drink beer for reasons
other than getting stupid cheaply know that there are good ones to be had.
Not many, but they exist.

>> - their food: best take-out in the world - if you like take-out....  Most
>> 	popular food in the US: Italian and Mexican and Chinese.  Tells
>> 	you something, that.
>> 

Also the most fattening food on the continent, with the possible exception of
some Mexican cooking.  But real Mexican is lots different from the pseudomex
that enterprising Texans and Californians peddle to the Yankees and other
furriners.

>> Enjoy.  8-)  I did.
>> 

>Someone keep criticising the Americans - they get so funny when they get
>patriotic.

Few things are funnier than the look on a Republican Fundie's face when told
that the complete quote which they excerpt as "My country right or wrong!" is
actually either one of two:

  From Steven Decatur:  "Our country!  In her intercourse with foreign nations
may she always be in the right; but our country, right or wrong."

  From Carl Schurz:  "Our country, right or wrong.  When right, to be kept right;
when wrong, to be put right."

Most of them never have heard the full text of either quote and don't know the
sources to cite anyway.  So citing the latter, and quoting it, serves to enrage
them no end...particularly if a copy of Bartlett's is close by to show them the
quote.  

Some of us can still see the manure in the pasture.  8)