From: whoosh@oggle.zone (The Whooshing Machine)
Subject: Re: alt.flame stereotypes
Organization: None
Date: Sun, 26 Jul 92 05:49:38 GMT

In article <1992Jul26.012546.5732@athena.cs.uga.edu>, milliken@athena.cs.uga.edu (Brewmeister) writes:
>In article <1992Jul24.213335.17744@rice.edu> andsol@is.rice.edu (Andrew J. Solberg) writes:
>>There are a great many types of people posting to this newsgroup.  Can you
>>find yourself amongst these general descriptions?
>>
>>CANONICAL LISTING OF ALT.FLAME STEREOTYPES
>>
>>*The Newbie*
>>
>> Description: A clueless newcomer.  Frequently has no idea what this group
>>              is all about.  
>> Comments:    The bread-and-butter of alt.flame.  Just about anybody can
>>              successfully flame a newbie.  They tend to squeak and whine
>>              in response to vicious attacks.  Sometimes they cry.
>> Sample Post: "Hi!  I'm new to this group.  Would somebody please tell me
>>               the ground rules so I can join in the fun?"
>> Pro's:       Easy targets.  Fun follow-ups.
>> Con's:       Sometimes they stick around.
>>
>>*The Young 'Un*
>>
>> Description: Infantile.  Learned the limits of his/her flaming ability
>>              in Junior High School.  Has sometimes been pithed.
>> Comments:    Insists in engaging in 'dick-size' wars.  Tends to worship
>>              their elders-and-betters and will follow-up to just about
>>              anything.  Their sigs usually contain Bart Simpson.
>> Sample Post: Elmer Q. Foobar (Dick-cheese!) writes:
>>               > "You don't know what you're talking about, spoo-breath!"
>>               "I know you are, but what am I???"
>> Pro's:       Can easily be betrayed by viciously posting their hero-
>>              worshipping mail.  Usually fall for the 'misc.test' trick.
>> Con's:       Will never, ever, leave.  Not even if they've been obliterated.
>>
>>*The Doberman*
>>
>> Description: Vicious.  Will flame anybody for any reason.
>> Comments:    Loves to post personal and embarrassing info from any source,
>>              no matter how nasty.  Would slash their best buddy's throat
>>              if they thought somebody would find it amusing.  Tend to lose
>>              friends easily.
>> Sample Post: "Lefty, I don't take kindly to your remarks regarding my sexual
>>               prowess.  Now, instead of directly rebutting your comments, I
>>               will simply repost the following contributions you made this
>>               last week to alt.sex.rodents ......."
>> Pro's:       Rarely boring.
>> Con's:       Utterly and completely untrustworthy.
>>
>>*The Loser*
>>
>> Description: Inept.  Thinks he's The Doberman.
>> Comments:    Posts incessantly and inanely.  Almost never has anything useful
>>              to say.  Considers him/herself terribly clever, though, and will
>>              only rarely concede defeat.
>> Sample Post: "How incredibly stupid you are.  Well, over in rec.mensa.genius,
>>               we have a saying: The penis mightier than the sword!  Ha! Get
>>               it?  Penis?  Pen Is?  Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....."
>> Pro's:       Pathetically laughable.  Laughably pathetic.  Fun targets.
>> Con's:       Are responsible for about 75% of this group's bandwidth.
>>
>>*The Punching Bag*
>> 
>> Description: Masochistic.  Wants the Doberman to attack him.
>> Comments:    Tries to present self as the best target possible to lure
>>              in a vicious attack.  In this capacity, serves a vital role
>>              on this group for stimulating vital new material.
>> Sample Post: "This is a test.  Please ignore."  <Posted five times>
>> Pro's:       Makes for good material.  Always friendly and cheerful.
>> Con's:       More often than not is actually a Newbie.
>>
>>*The Elder Gods*
>>
>> Description: Ancient, malevolent presences.
>> Comments:    The Elder Gods started this group.  Now They are disappointed
>>              with its contents.  They hulk silently in their catacombs while
>>              clueless newcomers fill Their creation with crap and cascades.
>>              Beware, for one day They shall return.
>> Sample Post: The Elder Gods do not post.  Occasionally They rear their heads
>>              and swat an impudent upstart, however.  This event is usually
>>              accompanied by earthquakes and typhoons.
>> Pro's:       When They manifest, it is worthwhile being there to watch.  From
>>              a safe distance, of course.
>> Con's:       Nobody is safe.
>>
>>*The Parrot*
>>
>> Description: Larval stage of the Newbie.  Repeats everything.
>> Comments:    Underevolved.  Useless.  DESTROY AT ONCE.
>> Sample Post: OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE
>>              OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE
>>              OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE
>>              OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE
>
>  Also:        WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH
>	       WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH
>	       WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH
>
>  As well as:  "You seem to be quite misinformed.  Perhaps the DOI can help..."
>
>>              ...........................................................
>> Pro's:       None.
>> Con's:       Ignorant of the true nature of flaming.  Knows too little to
>>              be dangerous, but just enough to be annoying.  Refuses to
>>              stop doing things that are irritating instead of aggravating.
>>              Will never stop.  DESTROY AT ONCE.
>>
>>*The Mad Scientist*
>>
>> Description: Cross-over from talk.bizarre.  Truly strange.
>> Comments:    Tries for maximum creativity instead of maximum aggravation.
>>              Posts some really nutty stuff.
>> Sample Post: "Bill Q. Foobar swims happily in the sea of his birth.  A giant
>>               of the ocean, he knows no fear, not even as the shadow of the
>>               boat closes in.  Then -- PAIN! as the harpoon penetrates his
>>               thick, blubbery hide!  He writhes and tugs, but the cables 
>>               inexorably pull him in!  As a crimson flood spills from his
>>               blowhole, Bill sees the tiny men descend upon him with their
>>               sharp, sharp knives......."
>> Pro's:       Usually interesting.
>> Con's:       Endangered Species.
>>
>>*The Sailor*
>>
>> Description: Swearing is everything.  Let the foullest mouth win.
>> Comments:    Typically unimaginative, but has a fine repertoire of good
>>              one-liners.  DO NOT attack The Sailor if you are sensitive
>>              about your mother.
>> Sample Post: "If you would kindly remove your pus-encrusted gob from your
>>               bleeding, bifurcated rectum, you might well fucking notice
>>               that the unbearable stench of your suppurating testicles
>>               has repelled any companions that your limp-wristed, ass-
>>               kissing attitude might have attracted.  You are a noxious
>>               brown streak in the shorts of humanity."
>> Pro's:       You could learn something.
>> Con's:       In a duel, it is difficult to determine a clear winner.
>>
>>*The Psychopath*
>>
>> Description: Violent.  Dangerous.  DO NOT GIVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER.
>> Comments:    Masquerades as one of the other categories.  However, he/she
>>              will always take anything personally, and will take steps to
>>              ensure you regret it. "He was always so quiet...."
>> Sample Post: "Dear Mr. Foobar: I found some of your remarks in your flame
>>               compelling.  I would like to meet with your to discuss some
>>               of their merits....."
>> Pro's:       Sometimes throws entertaining temper tantrums.
>> Con's:       May call your System Administrator.
>>
>>
>>All I can think of for now.  Others?
>
>Yes.
>*The Multiple Personality*
>		
> Description:  Total asshole.  Can't stand anyone who does not know everything 
>	       about computers. 
> Comments:     May use the same insult in following up several different posts.
>	       Will change names often, but initials remain the same:
>	       rdc@netcom.com
> Sample Post:  "Have a clue.  Take two, they're small" or "LOSER"
> Pro's:        Haven't noticed any.
> Con's:        Pain in the ass.
>
>*The Anonymous Mouth*
>
> Description:  Outspoken fundamentalist.  Probably drives bigwheel pickup truck                with Daddy's ol' rifles in the back window.
> Comments:     Thinks he has brilliant opinions, but is too ashamed to stand
>	       behind them, hence posts anonymously.  Doesn't want ANYBODY to
>	       have sex.  Period.
> Sample Post:  "Get all the fags to stop XXXXXXX in the XXX and get all the
>	       needle users to stop shooting up and get all the heterosexuals
>	       to practice abstainence (sic)".
> Pro's:        People like this keep the intellectual community from becoming
>	       too complacent.
> Con's:        Believes his own bullshit

*The net.cop*

Description:    Attempts to direct posts away from inappropraite news groups.
Comments:       Thinks he's a hot shot; in reality is usually harmless.
Sample post:    "Would you PLEASE keep this crap out of <insert news group>"
                 and when it doesn't work...
                "YAWN.  Into my killfile you go.  *PLONK*" 
Pros:           Always extremely laughable.
Cons:           Usually doesn't last long.
Newsgroups: alt.flame