HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: russ@bbxrbk (Russ Kepler)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Hare Triggers
Date: 15 Oct 92 01:52:33 GMT
Organization: /etc/organization

In article <17776@autodesk.COM> booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards) writes:
>Cosmic screwing? Damn, another great party I missed.

Uhhh, Elaine, it's not something that you do, it's something that gets
done to you.  Trust us, you didn't miss anything.

>!Peeve: I got this book. Its *me*. Its entitled, "The Portable Curmudgeon".
>Its a must-read for this crowd.

I believe that I recommended it a few months ago - it's by Jon Winokur.
Sample:

    There are times that parenthood seems nothing but feeding the
    hand that bites you.  -- Peter de Vries.

Sayings are grouped alphabetically by topic, and most contain one or
two sayings.  There are small sections focusing on particularly good
curmudgeons such as WC Fields, Dorothy Parker, Ray Blount Jr, etc.

This is one of the books I rotate through the book basket in the guest
bathroom (currently containing a complete Far Side collection).

"Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy"
-- H.L. Mencken

-- 
Russ Kepler, posting from home
Will hack unix for food 		(.sig stolen from dt - sorry, dt)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves,alt.folklore.urban
From: geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Hare Triggers
Date: 7 Oct 92 20:53:51 GMT
Followup-To: alt.peeves
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Menlo Park, Ca.
NNTP-Posting-Host: purplehaze.corp.sun.com



In article <17744@autodesk.COM> booter@Autodesk.COM (Elaine Richards) writes:

>!Peeve: I feel so empowered. 
	           ^^^^^^^^^

<GHACK!> There goes lunch.  Oh well, it was only a tuna fish sandwich from
7-11.  In a class I had yesterday, I spoke of "giving people a sense of
participation and responsibility," so as to avoid using the horrible E-word.


>
> V      V      V      V      V      V      V      V
>(*)    (*)    (*)    (*)    (*)    (*)    (*)    (*)  <- Bunnies(from the back)
							          ^^^^^^^^^^^^

This gave me quite a chuckle, and then I realized that the asterisks were only
supposed to be their tails.



Geoff "south end of cat going north" Miller


-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Geoff Miller                    + + + + + + + +        Sun Microsystems
geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM  + + + + + + + +     Menlo Park, California
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl)
Subject: Re: Nominations are in order (was Story: choose the proper weapon for the job)
Keywords: elephant, HE, m203
Organization: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 16:15:48 GMT

In article <1992Oct8.211359.22180@twg.com> nolan@twg.com writes:

>
>I proudly nominate Scott Park for Peevetown Dispatch editor-in-chief!
>The cat has a nose fer nooz.
>

Yes, indeedy, indeedy, and I surely hope he'll post often.  Andy and Matt
are just sooooooooo cute when they're mad.

Jenny G proprietoress of Peevetown's favorite greasy spoon, where you can  
        pick up your copy of the Peevetown Dispatch, or have some of Chef
        Charles' Bunny Surprise.  Drop in, y'all here.


-- 
***************************************************************************
jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu is Jenny Gutbezahl @ Univ. of Mass, Amherst
****************************************************************************
These opinions are all mine.  Flame all you want, I'll make more
From: hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: PeeveFest3
Date: 16 Oct 92 19:24:48 GMT
Organization: University of New Mexico, Albuquerque

Peeve: Coming back from a short vacation to discover that my 
professor decided I needed more things to do and sent me *12* 
messages of things to be done "immediately, if not sooner."

Peeve: Academic indentured servitude

!Peeve: My trip to the SF Bay area. Got to see Elaine again as well 
as meet Rick(*), Geoff, Andy, Don(*), Brian(*), and Carol.
(*And spousal unit)

Peeve: At one point I was sitting in a pew next to Geoff in a quaint 
little church watching Rick play saxophone and the bibles did *not* 
burst into flame. I even examined mine to look for tell-tale 
scorching, but it never happened. What a letdown.

ObTravelPeeve: There are only three things one can be sure of. 
Death, taxes, and annoying people on airplanes. With any luck, they 
will arrive in that order.

On the flight to Denver there was a woman sitting next to me wearing 
some weird sort of blue jeans with "designer" holes going all the 
way up the sides of each of her legs. On a human it might have been 
sexy, maybe. On her the effect was horrifying; small squares of 
dimpled white goose flesh poked out, crying for release.

Maybe she was flirting with me or something, but she would often 
lean in close--way too close--to laugh at her own witticisms and 
observations of life and give me an affectionate punch on the arm or 
thigh. As if that weren't annoying enough, her breath *reeked* of 
rum and sickly sweet chewing gum. (See Figure 1.) Mind you, this was 
at 8:30 in the morning; I was ready to hurl.


  ~~      @@@      "Hi. I'm sitting next to you and I smell bad."
_|..|_  _|..@@_  /
|c >| | ||< @@ |
| \^/ | | \o/  |
| /  \| | /  \ |

Figure 1: Making new friends

So naturally she often leaned in close to tell me all about her 
life, her job, and her boyfriend, the Sex Maniac. Seemed that "ol' 
Tiger" simply "couldn't get enough last night" and couldn't wait for 
her to return so he could "<giggle> you *know* <punch on the arm>"

Sheesh.

-- 
"If you find it necessary to take a trip to the lavatory, please coordinate
 your movements with the movements of the beverage cart."  -- Pilot 
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman)
Subject: Re: Pained Whale?
Date: Thu, 08 Oct 92 21:04:28 GMT
Organization: Dodge Veg-o-Matic

In article <CINDY.92Oct7221813@solan10.solan.unit.no> cindy@solan10.solan.unit.no (Cynthia Kandolf) writes:
>
>Now i know what i should have done.  Mailed back a recipe for reindeer
>steak.  (Available on request.)

Us folks out here in New Mexico just wanna know what you do with the glowing
red nose.

Dan

-- 
We've replaced the fine baby Jesus we normally use with Folgers crystals.
Let's see if they notice the difference.
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl)
Subject: Re: Lou Reed
Organization: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 15:26:45 GMT

In article <ldqvb3INNevd@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM> banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking) writes:
>AvdH and Pette try to engage in a pissing match and manage to trickle
>on their feet thusly:

>
>Here's my take on your piffle:
>
>AvdH: Poopoo head.
>
>DP: Caca breath.
>
>AvdH: Dog poopy.
>
>DP: etc.
>

Drew, I'm afriad you've mistaken this group for the Vice Presidential debates.

An understandable mistake.....

Jenny

-- 
***************************************************************************
jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu is Jenny Gutbezahl @ Univ. of Mass, Amherst
****************************************************************************
These opinions are all mine.  Flame all you want, I'll make more
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: bberbeni@nyx.cs.du.edu (Bill Berbenich)
Subject: Re: (Im)personal stereos
Organization: University of Denver, Dept. of Math & Comp. Sci.
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 92 21:00:41 GMT

In <Bw5wDF.C7q@nic.umass.edu> jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:

>!Peeve:  Undergrads say the darnest things.  I love grading papers that have 
>statements like "Clarence Thomas is the first black ever to be elected to
>the Supreme Court," or "Pavlov caused salvation in dogs."

Christians have Jesus, dogs have Pavlov.
--
"Yes, he really said that!"
From: 01sybok@ac.dal.ca
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Chunderation
Date: 13 Oct 92 13:18:43 -0300
Organization: Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

In article <ldksaaINNep4@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM>, banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking) writes:
> (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:
>>Oooh, "Bird Seed"  I'm hurtin' from that one.  Yow!
> 
>>And perhaps with a little work you'll get to
>>the point where you can feel good about yourself without having to pick on
>>people like Scott & Mikey.    I'm rooting for you, honey :-)
> 
I believe you are mistaking me for that paper boy that tried to collect from
your festering abode the other day. Tell me, have the toxic wate people sent
you a meaasge telling you to clean your place of residence up yet?


Mike
From: jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk (Julie Christie)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Alarm Surprize! (was Big mac's and students)
Date: 9 Oct 92 14:20:51 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

In article <w+jprgb@lynx.unm.edu> hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman) writes:
~
~(*) Erasure is yet another one of those pasty-faced-English-boys bands
~which features two models and an impressive array of computer equipment.
~Personally, I think they sound like a blatant rip-off of Yaz/Yazoo,
~except that they suck. !Al could probably go into more depth on this;
                                           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
           an unfortunate choice of words, given the subject matter

~they're more his type of, um, music.

Let me just butt in here (hahahaha) while !Al composes an authoritative
guide to Erasure, to point out that Erasure are another of the famous
"Music for Mattress-Munchers" genre, which includes such notables as the
Pet Shop Boys and Marc "mine's a pint" Almond.
From: banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Pained Whale?
Date: 15 Oct 92 15:47:43 GMT
Organization: Sun, Moon, and Stars
NNTP-Posting-Host: abingdon

Blah blah blah blah blah blah 01sybok@ac.dal.ca writes:
>What I *MEANT* was that while making three wild stabs at my character,
>somehow you actually managed to hit on one of my weaknesses. 

Look, peabrain.  What you were trying to say was understandable, if
not clear, concise, and coherent.  They weren't wild stabs, they were
cogent insight that scored direct hits.  Unoriginal, shallow, and
harboring misguided spite pegs you, oh mewling one.

>... I have managed to yank your chain ...

Yanking chains.  How original.

>Ahh... do you often stick your head behind toilets Banta? I expect that's how 
>you met most of your friends, is it? 

Meeting friends around toilets.  How original.

>> that wasn't an apology I slipped in your mouth.
>
>Sorry Banta, you don't have that much money. America dosen't have *that* 
>much money.

And steadfastly insistent of your heterosexuality.

Who told you lambasting someone with two day old alt.peeves arguments
would carry muster here?  Of course you've already demonstrated you
can't carry a discussion, and innovative thought, an effective retort,
or your reeking underwear to the laundromat, so muster isn't that
surprising an addition to the list.

Your cries of dominance are laughable.  It's sort of like claiming you
took over the adminstration building becuase you slunk up one night
and spray painted "MIEKY" on the wall.

drew
banta@abingdon.sun.com
--
 Placard:  "Will work for food"
 Response: "Blow me!"
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: bberbeni@nyx.cs.du.edu (Bill Berbenich)
Subject: Re: credit card peeve
Organization: University of Denver, Dept. of Math & Comp. Sci.
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 20:36:19 GMT

In <1992Oct9.170226.29983@access.usask.ca> nesdoly@dvinci.USask.Ca (Mark Nesdoly) writes:

>hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman) writes:

>>Peeve: Paying tax on airplane tickets. Why not just include the tax in the
>>listed fare?

>Come on up to Canada, and you can pay tax on your restaurant meals, doughnuts,
>haircuts, movie tickets, gasoline, cigarettes, clothing, *and* airline 
>tickets...Newspapers too.  So quit bitching.  You got it easy.

No wonder they don't trust their citizenry with firearms!  The urge to rebel
might become stronger, given the real means to succeed in such an undertaking.
'Course if they did allow such a thing there'd no doubt be a tax upon it.

Ballistically,
  -Bill
--
"Yes, he really said that!"
From: banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Chunderation
Date: 13 Oct 92 20:38:33 GMT
Organization: Sun, Moon, and Stars
NNTP-Posting-Host: abingdon

The creature from the planet sybok writes:
+In article <ldksaaINNep4@exodus.Eng.Sun.COM>, banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking) writes:
+> (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:
+>>Oooh, "Bird Seed"  I'm hurtin' from that one.  Yow!
+> 
+>>And perhaps with a little work you'll get to
+>>the point where you can feel good about yourself without having to pick on
+>>people like Scott & Mikey.    I'm rooting for you, honey :-)
+> 
+I believe you are mistaking me for that paper boy that tried to collect from
+your festering abode the other day. Tell me, have the toxic wate people sent
+you a meaasge telling you to clean your place of residence up yet?

Mikey,

Would you mind clarifying who you fired this drab little spitball at?

I see my address up in the attributions but I didn't write any of what
you included.

Maybe when you get home from hawking flowers by the side of the road
today, you can scrape together enough spare cash to stop by the clue
station and fill up.  I'd recommend the full serve island.  I wouldn't
want to see you mistakely use the pump on someone else, self serve.

drew
banta@abingdon.sun.com
--
  What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth?  Judging from
  realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a 
  common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
                                                 -- Dave Barry
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl)
Subject: Re: Chunderation
Keywords: elephant, HE, m203
Organization: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 12:07:08 GMT

In article <BvvJ60.DoA@nic.umass.edu> jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:
>
>Maybe I'm a little slow, but I think I missed a connection here.  How does
>saying I'm a "proprietoress" indicate a lack of literacy on my part.  A lack
>of respect for what you consider to be the boundaries of reality, maybe. But
>a lack of literacy?  Please explain.
>


I just realized that in both the original post and my rebuttal to your attack,
I stuck an extra "o" in "proprietress."  This is more of an indication of my
lack of typing skills than anything else.

Of course, if it makes you feel better, or smarter, to call me illiterate,
please do.  It appears from the general manner of most of your postings here
that your ego is extremey damaged.  So that the only way you can feel good 
about yourself is to put everyone else down.  I'm so very sorry, Andy.  

You must have had a hard time of it as a yung 'un - I can just imagine you 
in third grade, with all the bullies taking your lunch money & the other kids 
teasing you for being so big and ugly. It makes me want to cry; really it does
And I can see you vowing, in your little heart of hearts, that someday, some
way, you would find a forum where you could insult people who were far enough
away so that you couldn't see them laughing at you.  

-- 
***************************************************************************
jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu is Jenny Gutbezahl @ Univ. of Mass, Amherst
****************************************************************************
These opinions are all mine.  Flame all you want, I'll make more
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: graham@cs.washington.edu (Stephen Graham)
Subject: Re: Wastebaskets
Organization: Computer Science & Engineering, U. of Washington, Seattle
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 92 00:03:55 GMT

In article <BvvyA4.Kxq@news.cso.uiuc.edu> dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. Dennis) writes:
>In <1992Oct9.152329.11121@beaver.cs.washington.edu> graham@cs.washington.edu 
>(Stephen Graham) writes:
>
>[lengthy displaced wastebasket peeve]
>
>>Is it too much to hope that my wastebasket, at least, will be simple and
>>unpeevesome?
>
>Yes, for you--at least, many of "you" who work in an office type situation--are
>guilty of crimes against "custodial engineers" in the circular file area that,
>in a truly just world, would have landed you in the dock at Nuremburg.
[deletions]
> You don't deserve a wastebasket.  Hanging's too good fer ya.

Hardly worth talking about. Try dorm rooms inhabited by football players.
Now THAT's peeveworthy. It's been eight years since I had that job and
I can still remember the smell. First time I ever had to spend two hours
cleaning off a roof.
-- 
Stephen Graham
graham@cs.washington.edu	 uw-beaver!june!graham
From: dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. Dennis)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Bike peeves
Date: 15 Oct 92 23:59:57 GMT
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana

In <1992Oct15.165619.9285@twg.com> nolan@twg.com (Sir Henry Rolls) writes:



>In article <3358@ariel.its.unimelb.EDU.AU> rab@ariel.its.unimelb.EDU.AU
>(Richard Alan Brown) writes:

>        [deletia] 
>        Peeve2: I had the perfect opportunity to broadside a
>        Roller last week I braked..... damn (the dumbfuck did a
>        U-turn without looking)

>In <ldoj5dINNnrj@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM> geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff 
>Miller) writes:

>        Peeve: Crypto-socialists who resent other people's
>        prosperity.  

>In article <Bw4LI6.KwC@news.cso.uiuc.edu>, dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu 
>(Thomas A. Dennis) writes:

>        Nah, I don't think so.  Rollers whip around on sidewalks
>        without looking at  where they're going, and then have
>        the gall to give bikers shit.  They also ...

>Peeve: students - they haven't the proverbial clue:

>I believe that Mr. alt.tasteless understood the term Roller and Mr. Dennis
>missed the boat. A roller doing a U turn in front of a bike probably had 4
>wheels and seated at least 6 people, probably cost a substantial portion of a
>middle-class American's lifetime wages, and weighed several tons. It was
>probably too large to whip around on a sidewalk, too. Tom, me lad, acquire a
>proverbial existence. Read carefully what's in front of you. If you continue
>to be a good lad and pay close attention, you may indeed acquire a degree.

I believe that Mr. Nolan "Waste of Carbon" Hinshaw has momentarily confused 
alt.peeves with alt.useless-advice-from-assholes.  Those of you with bicycles, 
ask yourselves: when was the last time that you nearly ran into a 
Rolls-Royce?  What constitutes a greater real menace in your daily 
travels--Rollerbladers, or several tons of overpriced rolling British Steel?  
Anyone without the pathological need to dispense gratuitous, clumsily-phrased 
condescension might understand why I mistook a moderately obscure Ozzie slang 
term for a phenomenon which, for all I know, doesn't even exist down under.  If
I've missed the boat, Mr. Nolan "'Proverbial' Argument for the Re-establishment
of Natural Selection" Hinshaw, it's because there's a limpet mine attached to 
the bottom--and you're on it.  Bon Voyage.

If Mr. alt.tasteless got it, good for him.
>
--

Tom Dennis                    |  I looked into the abyss,
dennis@alexia.uiuc.edu        |    and the abyss looked into me--
tadg0614@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu     |      and we both winked.
From: mzraly@ra.cs.umb.edu (Cheesy Vitriol)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Movie Theatres
Date: 11 Oct 92 04:33:08 GMT
Organization: UMass/Boston Dept. of Math & CS

>pacific@polari.online.com writes:
>>     When I pay six dollars to see a movie, [...]

dre@catnip.berkeley.ca.us writes:
>So go to a fucking drive-in, wimp.

Peeve:	There are no drive-ins hereabouts still in business.  There's a
	nearby mall built on the lot that used to be one; there's a
	mold-covered remnant of a drive-in on the outskirts of the town
	where I went to high school, but not a single operational
	drive-in I know of in the Commonwealth.

'Nother	Of course if there were an operational drive-in around here,
Peeve:	Loews (the local movie theatre not-quite-a-monopoly-yet) would
	buy it, jack up the prices, and find *some* way to put old gum
	on the floor of the cars.  I envision something like:

	Droid:	"One carload?  That'll be $100.  No, wait!  You're
		driving a pickup?  Make it $200(1).  Here's your
		ticket stub, your old gum, you cola-drenched popcorn
		remnants, your contribution envelope for tonight's
		charity, and a couple of tall people to sit in front
		of you and talk about the movie.  Next!"

	Naturally hamburgers, fries, etc., would be available for
	prices that woiuld make MacDonald's and Burger King envious.

!Peeve:	There's a decent independent movie theater in Arlington called
	the Capitol.  It's clean, the seats are comfortable, and they
	show movies that don't make it the chains, like "Cyrano", "La
	Femme Nikita", "Cinema Paradiso", "Mediterraneo", "The Chef,
	The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover" (did I get that right?),
	etc.  They sell decent ice cream, and admission is only $4
	each.

(1)	According to the Registry of Motor Vehicles, *all* pickups and
	vans are "commercial vehicles", regardless of the owner's
	occupation.  You must pay extra to register them -- about twice
	as much as for a regular car.

-- 
Mike Zraly		Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason
mzraly@cs.umb.edu	go to bed.  -- Ambrose Bierce
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: rickg@netcom.com (Rick Gordon)
Subject: Re: Cardboard, cardboard, everywhere!
Followup-To: alt.peeves
Organization: Netcom - SF Bay, Cal Northifornia
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 21:07:29 GMT

In article <1992Oct7.193256.6804@dg-rtp.dg.com> A. Jing Hippy writes:
 
> [ ... ]  Witness all of the freebie trade rags
>that we computer-geeky types have access to, gratis.  When I came back from
>a 3-week medical leave of absence, I had Unix Review, Information Week,
>Open Systems Today, and Workstation News all filling up my poor little
>mailbox.  I have decided after one year of subscription to each of these not
>to renew *any* of them, and they're all but threatening to break my other
>leg if I don't. And I'm not paying them *anything*.  IBM, Sun, DG, DEC, HP,
>Unisys, and whole host of software houses are paying them a fortune for the
>privilege of advertising in them, though.

It gets worse, Dave.  Like you, I had way too many trade papers and
magazines coming in the mail, and at some point started ignoring the
"Re-qualification" cards, the "This is definitely your LAST issue of
[your name here]", and the letters which followed.  The issues kept coming,
of course, much longer than I thought possible.

Now, these are all "controlled circulation" magazines, which means that
the publisher is supposed to Qualify you as being the sort of person the
advertisers want to pitch to.  To Qualify you state that you buy, order,
specify, or in some way influence the purchase of the kind of products
the advertisers are pushing.  One of the reasons I wanted out of this
irritation was that I didn't have the time or the patience to fill out
the (sometimes very long) questionnaire once a year, one for each
publication.  They kept asking, I kept ignoring.  Finally, I got the
first of many phone calls from the publishers. 

"Is this Rick Gordon?"

"Yes, it is."

"Do you wish to continuing receiving [your name here]?"

"Oh, alright."

"Thank you, Mr. Gordon."

Some qualification.  Now that they're on to me, I can expect the phone calls
earlier in the life cycle.  Any suggested retorts?

>|Dave Cochran, Data General Corporation, RTP, NC   |

-- 
Rick Gordon      | "Often in error, never in doubt." 
rickg@netcom.com |   --- Universal Marketing Department motto