From: ftlao@acad3.alaska.edu (OSSANDER LINDA A)
Subject: Re: Is anyone out there like me?
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41.UAC
Organization: University of Alaska - Fairbanks
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1992 18:45:00 GMT

In article <JMD.92Dec24130227@lion.bear.com>, jmd@bear.com (Josh Diamond) writes...
> 
>In article <Bzquzr.M4t@cantua.canterbury.ac.nz> sjb@einstein.canterbury.ac.nz (Sutekh) writes:
> 
>   my question is,just how much importance do you all put on emotions?
>   i personally am cold,with very little desire to experience tenderness or
>   intimacy and certainly no desire to have children,with all the emotions that
>   are associated(watching parents with children makes me feel ill!)

Well then you should not get married and have a family.  A woman will only yake
a cold man for so long, then she will leave him.  I personally put alot of
importance on emotions and touching and cuddling.  Without that I would rather
be alone.  As a matter of fact that is why I divorced my ex-husband.  He is
basically a nice person but he was married to his job.  I gave him every chance
in the book and finially said enough.  Without the tenderness and intimAcy 
life is to lonely and if I just want sex I could take care of myself.
You might think about some counseling before you wind up alone.

> 
>Why?  Why do feel that you are cold?  
> 
>Personally, I put a lot of importance on emotions.  How can I be in a
>relationship with someone who doesn't feel?  In my experience, the one
>vital component in any friendship (let alone romantic relationship) is
>compassion -- the ability to feel along with someone else, or to
>empathise.
> 
>   is anyone else out there like me?especially females,i would be
>   interested to know.(i am a male).has anyone ever had a relationship
>   with a emotionally cold person,and enjoyed the experience?and has
>   anyone out there who is like me,had a relationship with a warm person
>   and liked it?  i'd like to know,its hard to find out from people in
>   regular life,they seem to think i come from another planet.
> 
>See above...

Yes I had a relationship with someone who was cold and he used it to keep me in
line..ONCE but NEVER again.. I did not enjoy the experiance AT ALL.
He did not appear that way in the beginning but the longer we were married the
colder he became.  The iceberghs had nothing over him as far as emotion.  Now I
am never going to settle for someone who is cold again.  Took me a long time to
figure it out but as a woman I love to cuddle and touch and be cuddled and
touched.  At 43 I am learning about real intimacy and it almost makes me feel
like a kid again..*Sigh*  with pleasure of course.

> 
>A question: What do YOU want in a relationship, Sutekh?  That is, what
>do you want the _relationship_ to be like -- as opposed to what you
>want the person with whom you are in relationship with to be like.
> 
>For instance, I want a loving, trusting, honest, joyfull and
>passionate relationship.

YES!!! So do I and without that I would rather be alone.

> 
>   please send me some replys,i'd like to get past all the media imagary
>   of what people are like(all the kissing and stuff) and see how many
>   people are really different than all that,without being axe murderers
>   or something.
> 
I am into pleasure not pain...

>Why close down physical intimacy as a possibility in your life?  What
>beliefs do you have which tell you that physical intimacy is not right
>for you?  
> 
>It sounds to me like you have shut off a very large part of what it
>means to be human, by physically separating yourself.  Why not be
>intimate?  It _is_ a powerful way of showing a feeling of connection
>with your fellow human beings, especially that special one human
>being...

Yes and it is really sad because you are missing so much..Open up and become
the loving person you are.  Don't hide behind a mask.

Merry Christmas Spidey!!!  *HUGS* If you want them if not pass them on..  


                            -Linda-