From: yunus@loro-next.Stanford.EDU (Jonas Sami Celebiler)
Subject: Re: Reworked BA Quotes List *LONG* 4/4
Organization: DSO, Stanford University
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 92 11:54:49 GMT

In article <yshah.718249247@lucpul.it.luc.edu> yshah@lucpul.it.luc.edu  
(Guessing) writes:
> 
>Series four is my favorite and I know much of Captain Cook, Corporal  
Punishment, and Major Star by heart. I just thought I'd help where I  
could.   
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
> [ BlackAdder Series 4 ]
> 
> Black Adder Goes Fourth (Edmund BA is a Captain in the trenches along  
the
> Western Front in 1917). 1989
> 
> 1. Captain Cook
> 
> PB : Private S. Baldrick (Tony Robinson) 
> EB : Captain Edmund Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson)
> LG : Lieutenant The Honourable George Colthurst St Barleigh (Hugh  
Laurie)
> GM : General Sir Antony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett (Stephen Fry)
> CD : Captain Kevin Darling (Tim McInnerny)
> 
> General Melchett is looking for an artist for a special assignment.

EB:Baldric, what are you doing?
PB: I'm carving something in this bullet, sir.
EB: What exactly are you carving?
PB:Baldric, Sir.
EB: (May I ask why?)
PB: It's a cunning plan, actually. You know how they say somewhere there's  
a bullet with your name on it.. well, i figured if I owned the bullet,  
then I'd never get hit by it. "Cause I won't ever shoot myself..
EB: Shame!
PB: ...and the chances of there being two bullets with my name on them is  
very small indeed.
EB: That's not the only thing that is "very small indeed". Your brain, for  
example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your  
head open, there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water  
biscuit."

  PB: "What's on the menu?"
>    EB: "Rat:  sautee or fricasee."
>    PB: "Oh, the agony of choice.  Sauteed involves...?"
>    EB: "Well, first you take a freshly shaven rat and marinate it in a  
mud 
>         puddle for a while."
>    PB: "Mmm, for how long?"
>    EB: "Til it's drowned."
> 

> o  PB: "Would you like some rat au vin to help you think?"
>    EB: "Rat...au vin?"
>    PB: "Yeah, it's rat that's been..."
>    EB: "...run over by a van."
> o 
 EB: "I, on the other hand, am a fully-rounded human being, with a degree 
>         from the University of Life, a diploma from the School of Hard      
>         Knocks, & three gold stars from the Kindergarten of Getting the  
Shit 
>         Kicked Out of Me."
 
> EB: "I smell something fishy, & I'm not talking about (the contents of )  
Baldrick's apple 
>         crumble."

GENERal"You  and I of course Darling,
>     Field Marshall Haugue, and Field Marshell's Haugue's wife,
>     All her friends, her friends servants,
>     her friends servants tennis partners,
>     and some man I bumped into in the mess last week
>     named "BERNARD"

 GM: "So it's maximum security, is that clear?"
>    EB: "Quite clear, sir.  Only myself & the rest of the  
English-speaking   
>         world is to know."

 EB: "This is going to be art's greatest moment since Mona Lisa sat down & 
>         told Leonardo da Vinci she was in a slightly odd mood."

> o  LG: "Private Baldrick is obviously a bit of an Impressionist."
>    EB: "The only impression he can do is that of a man with no talent."
> 
> o > > o
  GM: "Row, row, row your punt gently down the stream,
>    LG:  Belts off, trousers down, life is such a scream.  UNNHH!!"
>    EB: "Fabulous.  University education:  you can't beat it."
 o  "Have you ever visited Planet Earth ?"
>        - EB to the General, BA4.
 o 
 "Have you ever visited Planet Earth, Sir?"
>        - EB to the General, BA4.

> o > o  LG: "Well, *I'm* not overfurnished in the brain department."
 > o 
 CD: "Good luck against those elephants."
> 
> o  EB: "Get me a chisel & some marble, will you, Baldrick?"
>    LG: "Oh, you taking up sculpture now, sir?"
>    EB: "No, I thought I'd get my headstone done."
>    LG: "What are you going to put on it?"
>    EB: "'Here lies Edmund Blackadder, & he's bloody annoyed.'"
> 
EB: What I want to know, Baldric, is how you got so much cream custard  
from such a little cat?

> o > 2. Corporal Punishment
> 
> PB : Private S. Baldrick (Tony Robinson) 
> EB : Captain Edmund Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson)
> LG : Lieutenant The Honourable George Colthurst St Barleigh (Hugh  
Laurie)
> GM : General Sir Antony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett (Stephen Fry)
> CD : Captain Kevin Darling (Tim McInnerny)
> CP : Corporal Perkins (Jeremy Hardy)
> 
> In avoiding orders from Geneepisdesral Melchett, Edmund eats a messanger
> pigeon, which turns out to be a court-martial offence.
> 
> > o  EB: "With 100,000 men dying every day, who's going to miss one  
small 
>         pigeon?"
>    <BANG!>
>    LG: "Well, obviously not you, Sir"
>  "
    o  GM: "I don't care if he has been rogering the Duke Of York with a  
(prize winning)  leek. He killed my pigeon."
>        - General Meltchett on the death of his 'Speckled Jim'
  
 EB: "If I should die, think only this of me:  I'll be back to get ya."
> 
LG: "In the school debating society, I was voted Boy Least Likely to     
>         Complete a Coherent...erm..."
>    EB: "Sentence?"
>    LG: "That's it!  Yes!  Yes!"

> o  EB: "George, I'm in deep trouble here.  I need to construct a case  
that's as watertight as a mermaid's brassiere. I'm not sure your  
particular brand of mindless optimism is going to contribute much to the  
proceedings."
>
> o  LG: "I'm as thick as the big-print version of The Complete Works of      
>         Charles Dickens."
> 

>  LG: "As far as I can tell, you're guilty as a puppy sitting next to a  
pile of pooh."
> 
>>  George: "Apart from this occasion do you think of Blackadder as a man  
who  would normally disobey orders?"
>    Darling: "Yes."
>    George : "Are you sure? I was rather banking on you saying 'No'  
there."

> o  "We're your firing squad."
>        - The firing squad meets Blackadder
>  
> o  CP: "I must say, Captain, I've got to admire your balls."
>    EB: "Perhaps later."
> 
> o  EB: "Morning, George.  Morning, Baldrick.  Stil a striking  
resemblance to- guppy fish at feeding time."
> 
> 3. Major Star
> 
> PB : Private S. Baldrick (Tony Robinson) 
> EB : Captain Edmund Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson)
> LG : Lieutenant The Honourable George Colthurst St Barleigh (Hugh  
Laurie)
> GM : General Sir Antony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett (Stephen Fry)
> CD : Captain Kevin Darling (Tim McInnerny)
> BP : Driver Bob Parkhurst (Gabrielle Glaister)
> 
> In order to boost up the troop's morale, Edmund organises a show with 
> hopes of taking the revue to London.
> 
> o   EB: "They've [the Russians] abandoned the Eastern Front."
>    PB: "And they've overthrown Nicholas the Second, who used to be  
bizarre."
>    EB: "He used to be *the* Czar, Baldrick."
 > 
> o  BP: "Oh, sir, sir, please don't give me away, sir.  I just wanted to  
be like my brothers & join up.  I want to see how a war is fought -- so 
badly!"
>    EB: "Well, you've come to the right place, Bob.  A war hasn't been  
fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, high chief of all the Vikings,           
accidentally ordered eighty thousand battle helmets with the horns on 
>         the inside."
> 
 o  EB: "You don't look like Charlie Chaplin, Baldric. You don't have a 
>         moustache."
>    B: "No, Sir. But I have this - a dead slug."

> o  EB: "Everything goes over your head, doesn't it, George?  You should  
go to Jamaica & become a limbo dancer."
> 
>  "Dear Mr Chapman Stop
>     Have found only man in the world less funny than you stop
>     Name is Baldrick Stop
>     Yours Captain E Blackadder stop.
>     P.S. Please please please please stop."
o> 
> LG: "So, we're a bit stuck."
>    EB: "You can say that again, George.  We're in the stickiest  
situation   
>         since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun!"
> 
========================================================================== 
=========================================> 
>> o   EB: "I wish to send some party invitations.  In order to make them  
look particularly fierce, I wish to sign them in blood. Your blood, to be  
precise."
>     B : "Ah, I see.  Will you be requiring me to cut off an arm or a  
leg?"
>     EB: "Good lord, no!  A little prick will do."
THIS QUOTE IS FROM "BEER", not BA4

--------------------------------------------------------------------------   
EB: There are three things you must remember George. One, never remove  
your wig. Second, never say anything. I'll tell the General you're saving  
your voice for opening night in London. Thirdly, and most importantly,  
DON"T get drunk and let him shag you on the veranda!
(Major Star)