From: ha09+@andrew.cmu.edu (Harith Jameel Alkhafiz)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc,alt.comics.lnh
Subject: The Comics Connection, Part III
Date: 9 Nov 92 22:11:08 GMT
Organization: Carnegie Mellon Action Project, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA


   Above Comics-Snob-Boy and his newfound allies in snobbishness, the
robot raven spread its wings and took off, flying out of an open window
into the inky blackness that was all around.  Winging its way to its
master, it scanned the environment, ever wary for things that could
interest its master.  It found net.heros in abundance.  Though it could
not feel urgency, it increased its speed, swooping down to...

    "Manga Man, your scout returns!" Dyslexia notified the Nabob of Nippon.
    "Excellent," Manga Man replied in a calm, cool voice, typical of
anime villians.  "The Metallic Avian Tracker and Targetter, U series
(M.A.T.T.- U), has served its purpose well."  The raven landed on Manga
Man's shoulder and projected a holographic image of the ornate palace in
which the mysterious beings with Comics-Snob-Boy were located.
    "Very good, Manga Man," Harras the Horrendous noted.  "Obviously,
those beings are the ones responsible for our being here in this place
beyond the net.verse."
    "But there is more, Harras-san," Manga Man said.  "Net.heroes are
also here."
    Harras's eyes flashed in anger.  "Net.heroes!?  Time and again
they've thwarted my plans!  Perhaps they are the ones who have brought
us here!"
    "I've known about the net.heroes being here since our arrival,"
Dyslexia yawned.
    "How dare you keep such information from me?!" Harras asked, his red
pen of deletion and blue pen of proofreading glowing with barely
contained energy.  "I should have you edited into someone more tractable
to commands!"
    "Oh, please," Dyslexia responded calmly.  "You wouldn't dare.  I'm
the only one who's keeping Continuity Champion from reading his
situation properly.  He doesn't even realize that one of their number is
missing, thanks to my power.  There's more to me than even you can
imagine, Royalty King."
    "This discussion isn't over, Dyslexia," Harras fumed.  "But, for
now, me have a greater problem, that of the Legion.  We must deal with
our hated enemies first."
    "I, Fanboy King, shall lead Marvel_Zombie Lad astray, destroying his
connection to the Marvel Way.  With cards and holograms, I shall mystify
Mainstream Man.  And Cliche Dude shall find that fanboys are the most
cliched of them all!"  Fanboy King struck a pose, and his prism-costume
gleamed beautifully.
    "I'll take Lost Cause Boy down," Plotchopper said.  "I'll give him
more lost causes than he can handle, and my danglers and unanswered
questions'll sent Old Comics Man into conniptions!"
    "I shall deal with the baka, Continuity Champ.  Manga Man doesn't
need continuity.  Doctor Stomper shall also fall before me, for how can
he cope with a plotline which continually contradicts itself
inexplicably?   Heh, heh, heh!"
    "Poor Rebel Yell seems confused," Dyslexia stated.  "I'll make sure
that he stays that way.  Browsing Boys super-reading makes him
especially vulnerable to my power's caress."
    "The Ultimate Ninja shall be the easiest of them all to deal with,
for how can ninjitsu stand up to the power of editting.  Are ninjas
losing popularity?  I think so, so lose 'em, write 'em out!  Halls
Jordan shall find that I can 'shout' his power out!"
    "What about the new Legionaire, Kid Kirby?" Plotchopper asked.  "His
power stems from a time when plots were always completed!"
    "I'll deal with that troublemaker myself," Harras answered.  "I have
little respect for the Power Kirby!  Now, fly!"
    "But we can't fly!" Fanboy King noted.  "Except for Manga Man," he
added, pointing to Manga Man, who was climbing up to the pilot's chair
of his Giant Robot.
    "Because of an error on the part of the Editor," Harras intoned,
"you can fly!  Now, we go to attack our enemies!"

    "How's that thing coming?" Rebel Yell asked Kid Kirby, who was still
working on a device to get them back to the net.verse.
    "Stay calm, Yell," Kid Kirby answered.  "Even with Mother Box's
help, this type of construction can't be rushed."
    "I got a bad feeling about this," Cliche Dude.  "Did you ever have
the feeling that you were being watched?" he asked Halls Jordan. 
"Halls?"
    "INCOMING!" Halls Jordan shouted as his ring-around-the-collar
detected the approaching bad.guys.
    "Dammit!" Rebel Yell cursed.  "Prepare for battle!  Get ready for-" 
Rebel Yell suddenly stopped, hearing only a voice in his head.
    "Look at the evidence," it said in a gentle but firm voice.  "All
the clues have been revealed.  The traitor Contraption Man warned of is
none other than Kid Kirby!  Kid Kirby is the traitor!  Kid Kirby..."
    "You!" Rebel Yell cried, pointing an accusing finger at Kid Kirby. 
"You're going to destroy the Legion of Net.Heroes!  I won't let you!" 
Rebel Yell drew a boysenberry pie from his satchel and threw it at Kid
Kirby, who ducked the unexpected attack.
    "I'm no traitor!" Kid Kirby defended himself, not noticing that the
pie had struck the incomplete dimensional device.  "I like you guys! 
Really!  If this is about that Mountain Dew I drank last month-"
    "Die, traitor!" Rebel Yell shouted before Ultimate Ninja's knockout
grip sent him into unconsciousness.
    "What was that all about?" Ultimate Ninja asked, his hands full of
Ninja Bush.
    "I don't know!  He was shouting something about a traitor or something."
    "That's not all!" Panta interjected.  "Continuity Champ's gone!"
    "Our most powerful member and two of our three leaders are gone, and
we haven't even seen the enemy yet!  Where are they!" Doctor Stomper
asked, contemplating the future events that this could cause.
    "Something's interfering with my armor's detection systems!" Kid
Kirby said.  "I can't get a lock on anything but net.heroes, and I can't
find Continuity Champ!"
    "Well, they can't jam a ninja's finely honed senses!" Ultimate Ninja
declared.  "Panta, tell me what you smell!"
    "On the wind," Panta replied.  "Hologram cover foil!  It's net.villians!"
    "There," Ultimate Ninja said, throwing Ninja Bush into the sky. 
Fanboy King shouted in pain, and his hologram of inky black sky
dissipated, revealing the net.villians in the distance.
    "Nail 'em!" Cliche Dude shouted, just as he was struck by prismatic
beam from Fanboy King.
    "You would be even more cliched if you were...Dark 'n' Gritty!"
Fanboy King shouted as Cliche Dude was transformed into a dark and
gritty character with a big gun.
    "War Journal entry #1" Cliche Dude began.  "I'm surrounded by
goody-goody spandex boys.  I work best alone."  Cliche Dude ran off into
the distance, camoflaged against the blackness by his now-black costume.
    "Cliche Dude, get back here!" Ultimate Ninja shouted.
    "I go where I wanna go!" the fading reply came from the distance.
    "Halls, Kid Kirby, Lost Cause Boy, take 'em out!" Ultimate Ninja
commanded.  Kid Kirby drew an antimatter extrapolator and began firing
it at the approaching villians.  Lost Cause Boy drew upon the powers of
Firestorm (Ronnie Raymond and Professor Stein, v.1) and unleashed bolts
of energy.  Halls used mentholyptus to create destructive force.  The
antimatter exploded upon contact with Manga Man's Giant Robot, which
went hurtling to the ground.
    "Fool!" Harras spat at Lost Cause Boy as the nuclear bolts
dissipated harmlessly before him.  "Your powers cannot affect the
creator of lost causes!"  Lost Cause Boy crumpled to the ground with a
brief cry.
    "I've linked his mind with all the dangling plotlines that have ever
existed," Plotchopper declared proudly.  "He won't be getting up for a
while."
    "HARRAS!" Panta howled after seeing her friend fall.  "You're mine,
do you hear!  You'll be eating your entrails, and I'll thoroughly enjoy
it!"
    "I've dealt with your kind before, mutant," Harras said, using his
red pen to edit the scene to Panta lying on the ground, bleeding.  "And
you," Harras continued, pointing his pen at Ultimate Ninja, who had
discovered that his flight thingie wasn't working for some reason.  "The
arishikage mindset shall deal with you."  Ultimate Ninja's eyes went
blank.  "Now, you serve us!  Dispose of your allies!"  Ultimate Ninja
used the knockout grip on Browsing Boy, Doctor Stomper,  and Obscure
Trivia Lad, while Fanboy King hypnotized Marvel_Zombie Boy and
Mainstream Man with pretty holograms, shiny prisms, and collectors
edition cards.
    "NO!" Kid Kirby shouted, taking Plotchopper down with a sonic
disrupto ray.  "Mine is the Power Kirby!  You shall do no further harm!"
 Unfortunately for Kid Kirby, his neglected dimension-hopping device
exploded, blasting him and Halls Jordan with the Power Kirby.
    "Now," Harras commanded his allies.  "Collect the defeated heroes,
except for Kid Kirby, and retreat!  I'll edit us a headquarters!"
    "What about Kid Kirby?" Dyslexia asked.
    "Leave him here.  He'd be far too dangerous in our headquarters.  As
long as you're jamming his sensors, the best place to leave him is here,
in this endless void."  Harras laughed maniacally as he and his allies
flew away victorious.

    "Kid Kirby?"
    What happened? Kid Kirby thought.  It's been a long time since I was
knocked unconscious.  It hasn't gotten any more enjoyable.
    "Kid Kirby?  Wake up!" a female voice demanded.  The voice sounded
strangely familiar.  "If you wake up, we can sing 'Row, Row, Row Your
Boat'!" she said happily.  Kid Kirby sat up quickly.
    "Sing Along Lass?!  What are you doing here?"
    "I was in the rec room, and, suddenly, I was surrounded by an
explosion.  Then, I was here, and I found you unconscious.  Let's see if
we can find some more people to sing with us.  Maybe him!"  Sing Along
Lass pointed over Kid Kirby's shoulder.  He looked back and saw Manga
Man, in a new Giant Robo, looking very big and very menacing.
    "I don't think he's gonna want to sing," Kid Kirby said to Sing
Along Lass, who frowned.
    "Baka na Americajin!  Now, you die!"

Next Time:  Kid Kirby and Sing Along Lass:  Alone Against Manga Man!


Jameel
Physicist-At-Large
Kid Kirby

P.S.  I'm going out of town this weekend, so the next part will most
likely be next week.
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc