From: Will Steeves <goid@zooid.guild.org>
Subject: Choice as a Reason for not having a relationship(was: Pre-Sex Contract)
X-To: DEBORAH_BROWN@GODIVA.NECT
Organization: The Zoo of Ids
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 16:19:00 GMT

Deborah_Brown@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
DE> My point was that any man who says "fine, you can choose to have my
                                        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DE> baby if you want, but I want nothing to do with the child, either from
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DE> the standpoint of financial responsibility or emotional involvement"
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DE> IS INSENSITIVE and IRRESPONSIBLE.  The guy who advocates the use of
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DE> this contract, after all, is not saying that his partner _must_ get an
DE> abortion.  The terms of the contract suggest that the father would be
DE> equally satisfied with either alternative: the baby is never born, or
DE> he simply never has anything to do with the child.  Any man who feels this
                                                        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DE> way, and would find it this easy to walk away from his child, is NOT
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DE> someone that _I_ want anything to do with, at least romantically.  And
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DE> that is ALL that I said in my post -- you know that if you read it.


And what would happen if you were a man who would choose not to be with a
woman who would decide not to keep a child if she became pregnant, and you
wrote about it?  You'd probably be called an insensitive male patriarchal
oppressor who wants to control women.  And surprise - this is EXACTLY the
response which *I* have garnered.

Even so, given the emotional trauma of losing a wanted child by abortion, I
would say, albeit in a Devil's Advocate sort of way, that "Any woman who feels
this way, and would find it this easy to kill her child, is NOT someone whom I
would want anything to do with".  Given that, my reason is NOT because I want
to "control women".  Indeed, I would have no wish to force her to do
*anything*, but if she expects to stay with me afterwards, she can FORGET IT!
Going through it once and staying with the "mother," once was difficult enough.
I have no wish to go through it again.  Next time, if it *does* happen again,
*if* I so much as hear "I'm pregnant but I'm not going to be for much longer"
or something similar, I will be packed and out that door, faster that you can
say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

I guess that the point which I'm making is that if you're willing to condemn a
man who chooses not to become a parent, you should also be as willing to
condemn a woman who make the same choice, as well.

Mind you, I am *not* saying that you *should* condemn either one, but at the
same time, realise that both have made decisions which would possibility affect
the hopes and dreams of another person.

---
Will Steeves, goid@zooid.guild.org                      "Neil Hull is GOiD"
ZOOiD BBS, Toronto, Ontario - The Zoo Of Ids            "GOiDS Rule"
(416) 322-7876

"Cthulhu for President in '92 - Why vote for the _lesser_ of two evils?"
                                                          - Bronis Vidugiris
---
 * SLMR 2.1a * Indecision is the key to flexibility...  :-)
Newsgroups: soc.singles,ba.singles,soc.men,soc.women