HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: eoliver@ralph.cs.haverford.edu (Erik Oliver)
Subject: A Compassionate response
Organization: Haverford College Computer Science Department
Date: Fri, 25 Dec 1992 19:38:00 GMT

First off, my appologies for posting this rather than mailing this, but
my mailer can't figure out your return address.

\\\\\\\
Cloister,

DON'T KILL YOURSELF, please.

I know I am not going to be able to convince you that you shouldn't, but
I just want you to know I think it is a bad idea.

I also can't convince you that you have worth, but as a ragular reader
of A.S.A.R, I know your postings have enriched my life, and you need to
realize that you have worth for yourself.

Please, take care of yourself, please don't hurt yourself, *HUGS* if
desired. 

Bright Blessings.

-Erik
eoliver@ralph.cs.haverford.edu

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: the holidays are over, it's good to be back.
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1993 20:04:38 GMT

cloister bell (cloister@stein.u.washington.edu) wrote:

: not to sound like a net-junkie or anything, but i'm just posting this to let
: you all know that i'm back from the holidays, and glad to be back to asar.  i
: missed you all while i was away; you entered my thoughts frequently.  it's good
: to see you again, old friends, and new ones too!  may the coming new year bring
: good things to all of us.

From one net junkie to another, welcome back!  :) :)
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler
From: anon-1531@twwells.com (Stella Rico)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: need some help
Date: 3 Jan 93 15:38:46 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

>i just recently discovered this net, and read the message "need help helping a
>friend."  once again, these memories come back...i want to say, first of all,
>that i am also someone who did the abusing, a long time ago.

  First, let me say I admire your courage for coming foreward with this.  What 
you did was indeed stupid and pretty lousy.  But you are clearly not and ogre, 
because you have demonstrated remorse and the capacity to recognize the wrong 
you did and the pain you caused.

  Unfortunatley, the problem with making ammends to those we have wronged is 
that doing so is sometimes harmful to those we have hurt.  My suggestion is 
that you seek out some form of counceling, be it conventional therapy, group 
therapy, a 12-step program, like CoDA, or spiritual cleansing like a Zen 
retreat.  WHAT you do is not as important as doing something to address YOUR 
pain and guilt.

  In terms of making ammends to her, think carefully about WHY you want to do 
that.  Do you want her to 'pardon' you for your sins?  Do you want others to 
kknow you have repented?  Or do you do it for HER peace of mind unselfishly?  
If you honestly find that it would be for your release of tension and guilt, 
which is ok to admit, then the best thing to do may not be to contact your 
victim.  If you want to do something to help victims, try volonteering your 
time to a women's organization.  A shelter, security escort service, or 
counseling center may be able to use you in some way.  There are programs 
where men are treated, as well, and you may be able to volonteer for one of 
them.  That may ease your pain without dragging your victim through her pain 
all over again.

  Best wishes.  I hope you find peace.  

  Stella
ANON-Name:Stella Rico
ANON-Announce:Yes
ANON-Mail:yes



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From: anon-1421@twwells.com (Seeker)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re:Inner Child
Date: 21 Dec 92 22:46:05 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

>It's all about
>meeting the child you were and reliving those old experiences
>with her/him and being able to support that child through it all.

I find that this is a lot of what I am doing. I spent a day last week
in high anxiety. Tried to deal with it in several "grown up" ways,
which did help (talked about it with someone, wrote about it, meditated).
I finally hid under my desk at work with a tiny teddy bear, cried,
rocked back and forth, and said "I'm so scared" over and over. 
Then I felt better. Probably neither the child stuff nor the grown-up
stuff would have worked by itself but together they worked.

I said something in group about not feeling very normal because I
had been hiding under my desk and the counseler said she thought
what I had done was nurturing. I realized that I don't need to
judge things on a "normal" vs "abnormal" scale. Some of my
favorite things about myself probably fall into the "abnormal"
end of the scale. Trying to be normal seems like, once again, 
self-abuse (I already am somebody!). I want to become who I am, not
not some institutionalized mediocrity called "normal". What I 
would like is a nice set of coping skills.

>I would like to
>hear what some of you guys have thought about actively preventing
>the abuse of others, and what you have done, and what you think
>are appropriate or inappropriate actions.

Our societies definition of a good samaritan does not include
stepping between a parent and their child. At least not yet and
certainly not in public on the street. The story you described 
made me cringe. Don't know what I would do had I been in your place.
Probably exactly what you did. Guilt after the fact. If I were
bigger I might have punched out the boyfriend who was hurting the
child and wound up in jail. Would like to say talking right there on
the street with the parents because that is do-able and would make me
feel better, but I am 99% sure it would not help and may hurt the child.

Thanks for relating the story.
-Seeker



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Re: taking care self
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 00:47:58 GMT

us peoples writes:
>housemate/friend goign drive him for us.  said okay.  is okay you think?

Yah.  I think it's *way* okay.  Very skillful, too.  You honored your
commitment, took care of yourself, and let others (your housemate)
take care of herself (by you not second guessing her offer)!

>can't just not show, because he has to get to the airport and we promised
>him a ride but we don't _think_ that means that WE have to give the ride,
>and our housemate said she would be okay doing it.  so she is going to.  good

That's right!  And, as my therapist tries to explain to me from time
to time, it is sometimes okay to change your mind.  (see, I *still*
can't accept it fully <g>)  While respecting ourselves enough to keep
our word is important, so is noting that the world changes around us.

In this case, *lots* has changed between you and him since you made
offer.  IMO, it would have been okay if you called him up & said "hey,
things have changed.  You need to get another ride."  It's tough
enough taking friends to the airport during holidays, but ex-SO's!
Whew!

-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: wwonko@eskimo.com (Louis Erickson)
Subject: Rambling
Organization: >>> Eskimo North (206)-FOR-EVER <<<
Date: Sun, 27 Dec 1992 08:14:39 GMT


Hello.  Still posting under a freind's account.  On a machine with a
terrible keyboard.  Please forgive typos.
I'd like to thank the person who possted the bit on what exactly a
master/slave relationship is.  It clearly delineated my mother's and my
relationship to a tee.  It was very validating, because it was like
being able to step back and see a written description of how I was
raised.  It hurt, but it made me feel better.
  
I have a question:  Does anyone know of any studies that are being
conducted by ANYONE on the effectiveness of prescribing anti-depressant
medication for survivors with Post-Traumatic-Stress?  I am concerned
because I keep running into survivors who have had adverse reations to
various different medications, including one person who got ahold of her
medical records and was just appalled at the number of different kinds
of medication that she was prescribe as a young teenager.  I have a
freind with MPD, and they have noticed that a lot of survivors have had
similar problems.  It can be very frightening, when on top of
remembering, you have a bad reaction to medication.  I ended up in the
hospital after a reaction to either Xanax, or the anti-depressant I was
taking at the time.  (I don't remember which one...)  I was just
wondering if there were any articles published or research currently
happening?  
  
Well, I survived Christmas.  Thankfully, it is over for another year. 
Good wishes for 1993 to all out there!
  
 Tyger
From: anon-1487@twwells.com (chinadoll)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: for Debra (anon-1407)
Date: 24 Dec 92 02:20:37 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Hi Debra!

Thanks for the support.  I tried to reply, but you don't have your e-mail
turned on.  Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for the advice.  I
haven't made a final decision yet.  This whole thing is new to me.  I
have been denying and repressing for a long time.  Anyways thanks for
the support.

-Chinadoll



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From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: the holidays are over, it's good to be back.
Date: 2 Jan 1993 04:13:36 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: stein.u.washington.edu
Summary: i've missed you.

not to sound like a net-junkie or anything, but i'm just posting this to let
you all know that i'm back from the holidays, and glad to be back to asar.  i
missed you all while i was away; you entered my thoughts frequently.  it's good
to see you again, old friends, and new ones too!  may the coming new year bring
good things to all of us.

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Inner Child
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 07:49:11 GMT

Carol (anon-1298@twwells.com) wrote:

: I have been reading a book by John Bradshaw called "Home Coming -
: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child." It's all about
: meeting the child you were and reliving those old experiences
: with her/him and being able to support that child through it all.

Great book!  I like what Bradshaw has to say - I got this one last Christmas
from a dear friend of mine who had also gone through abuse in her marriage.
It has helped a lot...
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

Who and what would you be if you went beyond your deepest fears?
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (ReachingOut)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Sierra's back! - with questions about confrontations
Date: 22 Dec 92 04:37:43 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

It's good to see you back, Sierra!

ReachingOut (aka AlaskaOde)



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Apple Out Apple Out
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 07:50:13 GMT

Apple (anon-1383@twwells.com) wrote:

: Moving to Denver, I hear it's nice this time of year.

I hear it's cold and snowy out there.  I'll find out - I'll be there over
Christmas.  My cats will be keeping my computer warm... :)
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

Who and what would you be if you went beyond your deepest fears?
From: anon-1407@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Test
Date: 23 Dec 92 20:57:46 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Anon-Name: Debra
Anon-Mail: yes

This is a test



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From: anon-1530@twwells.com (Mr Freud)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Testing
Date: 2 Jan 93 11:42:43 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

HI ALL!

This is just a sexy little test!

By 

  Freud



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: Yet Another Highly Emotional Letter  **SPOILER WARNING**
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 00:23:02 GMT

You have my sympathy/empathy/something on rage--I can feel a little
surfacing just from reading your post. (Not at you--it's my usual
background stuff.) Maybe the idea I'm looking for is that I've got
some emotional resonance with your state. 

If you'll excuse some advice, I'd say to get some physical exercise
and burn a little adrenalin. Personally, I'm going to try getting in
some introspection.

Hang in there--I don't want you to die over this.

Ehugs if you want them,
Nancy Lebovitz
nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu
From: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: taking care self
Date: 22 Dec 1992 16:37:02 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


we think we might be taking care of self.  or mayb we just running away.  or
maybe doing both.  he he.  we broke up with SO (the person with whom we have
been involved for the past 8 months) today.  Sort of been trying to for a couple
weeks.  Moving in that direction for couple months.  broke up with him.

relieved think.

but we sposed drive him airport tomorrow for the break.  and we don't want to.
we don't want see him.  don't want talk him.  uncomfortable.  housemate
volunteered drive him instead!  she did!  we didn't even ask, she said would
be okay.  really said be okay.  we don't think okay, we said we'd do it but
we scared, be real uncomfortable, don't want to.
 

housemate/friend goign drive him for us.  said okay.  is okay you think?
we don't know, we scared, but somebody says that getting someone else to 
drive him to the airport is a really good thing for us to do because it
is taking care of ourselves and one of our big goals is to take care of 
ourselves and it would be really awkward and unpleasant to see him and we
can't just not show, because he has to get to the airport and we promised
him a ride but we don't _think_ that means that WE have to give the ride,
and our housemate said she would be okay doing it.  so she is going to.  good
thing take care self?  isn't it?  we still scared we wrong, we bad, we don't 
know.

feel bad, feel like we say this in ASAR and asar supposed be support so people
sposed be supportive but we feel like we really being bad and so people
shouldn't be support but will anyway 'cause they supposed to but hsould be
mad us instead 'cause we bad, but WE AREN'T BAD GODDAMN YOU WE ARE TAKING
CARE OF OURSELVES.  and it is GOOD take care of ourselves.  and it isn't
particularly harming anyone else, housemate has to get less sleep and she
isn't as comfortable as me driving so the traffic might unnerve her but she
SAID it was okay & it will probably be okay & he can deal, the ex being driven
airport.

(he is friend we called other night & he was unusefull talk to)

is okay say this?
is okay do this?

bi bi
us peoples
~~~~~~~~~~
anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au    (prefered address)

an1308@anon.penet.fi
anon-1410@twwells.com


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: ftlao@acad3.alaska.edu (OSSANDER LINDA A)
Subject: Re: Pain...  **SPOILER**
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41.UAC
Organization: University of Alaska - Fairbanks
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 22:51:00 GMT

In article <krikket.05hp@meltdown.chi.il.us>, krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'Krikket' Krick) writes...
>Yet another message about recent happenings that needs a
> 
> 
>***   SPOILER   WARNING   ***
> 
> 
>For Xmas, I received a Swiss Army knife that was actually bought in
>Switzerland.  Damn sharp knife.  It's amazingly easy for me to hack up my arm
>with it.  Wasn't able to do real damage with razor blades, because of the pain
>factor.  Now I don't feel the pain until after the knife is already cutting
>another part of the arm...  Today I took cutting to a new level, rather than
>just scratching upmy wrists, I started to cut words into my arm.  Well, one
>word actually...  "Help".  Time to break out the long sleeved shirts, as the
>previous cuttings weren't too obvious.  This is.  Nice big letters.  Written
>across 2/3rds of my forearm...
> 
>And I managed to read some more of _The Courage To Heal_ today.  Got another 5
>pages or so in.  (Then I started blanking out and couldn't remember what I just
>read 10 seconds ago...  Gave up for the moment, to return to it later on.)  And
>I remembered something in a slightly different light than I had remembered it
>in the past.
> 
>I clearly remember about age 5 or so, that it was fairly common for the center
>of my persona to float about 3 feet over the top of my head.  Yup, I was
>outside my body at regular times back then...  Something I've been trying to so
>within the last year (intentionally, though meditation and the like) and have
>been failing at miserably.  Only I now also remember being scared as all hell
>about something other than just the fact that I was floating 3 feet over my
>body...  Damned if I know what though.  :(

I have also had out of body experiances Doug.  When I was in heavy duty therapy
I remember being up over what was happening and watching sadly.  It was a case
of my mind could not handle what was happening to my body.  I believe it is
called splitting.  When your mind is ready it will let you remember why and
what happened.  

I know when I first started having flashbacks, I wanted to know it all right
then.  I am really thankful that I did not get it all back at once.  There was
times I was so overwhelmed that I would cry at the drop of a hat.

Our minds are wonderful things in the fact that it understands us and when it
is safe you will remember.  The big thing I found was I needed to work on
things as they came up.  Still do at times like recently when my youngest
brother told me his daughter had been molested.  Boy I took the world on my
shoulders and almost went back to my old ways of handling things.  I felt
responsible and realized what was happening and started working on myself.

Good luck on your healing! *HUGS* if wanted if not pass them on.

                       -Linda-


>Krikket (a.k.a. Doug Krick)
From: an1307@anon.penet.fi (tumbleweed)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Crystal Bell's appeal
Date: 25 Dec 92 16:20:53 GMT
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery

Crystal Bell: Hang in there.  Tangible/intangible suggestion: think up and 
write down the sort of messages you would like to receive.  Classify them by 
public asar postings and by private e-mail ones.  Put them on cards and reread 
them.  For every message you dream up, we out here include people who want to 
send just that type of message but lack the courage or energy or privilege to 
do so.

tumbleweed
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