From: judy@locus.com (Judy Leedom Tyrer)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Second Baby Thoughts ...
Date: 12 Aug 92 22:38:58 GMT
Organization: Locus Computing Corporation, Los Angeles, California

In article <1992Aug11.152013.23128@hemlock.cray.com> rice@cray.com (Jonathan Rice) writes:
>
>You have any number of advantages the second time around.  
 [ advantages deleted for brevity ]
>
>Now, tell me what's hard about having a second child.  My oh my, how will we
>ever fit two car seats into the back seat.  Oh, dear, I'm just not getting
>anything done during afternoon nap times.  Help, help, the baby woke the
>toddler with her crying.  How will we ever survive?

Jonathan, 

Everything you say is true.  But I don't think these women want a slanted and
unbiased picture on the positive side any more than they do on the negative
side.  To pretend there are not hardships is unfair because then they will
not be prepared.  So I will leave your list of advantages (which was shorter
than mine because you missed a couple) and point out some very REAL 
difficulties.

1) You never have to choose which child who is about to die in a precarious
situation to rescue first - the toddler about to fall into the pool or the
toddler who has grabbed a knife off the kitchen counter.  Nor can you manage
to avoid all possible scenarios in which one will be in trouble at one end
of the house while the other is in trouble at the other end of the house.

2) When they are very young they never sleep at the same time so if you are
the parent of one child who depends on getting things done during naptime,
THERE IS NO NAPTIME.  This is an adjustment a parent needs to make.  I think
we should tell them about it.

3) This one is borrowed from Bill Cosby's fatherhood.  With one you never have
to ask "okay, which one of you broke my favorite X and then punish all the
children until the guilty one fesses up.

4) You don't have sibling rivalry.

5) With two when the oldest is finally able to go to ski school and enjoy it,
you're still not able to take your skiing vacation because it just wouldn't
be any fun for the baby.  <Insert favorite family activity that the baby won't
enjoy for skiing>.

6) There really is 4 times as much laundry.  You cannot deny it.  I don't know
WHY it isn't just 2 times as much laundry, but it isn't.  It's FOUR!

7) It is much easier to get one child out of the house overnight for a surprise
birthday present for your husband than it is to get TWO children out of the
house overnight (especially when you don't have any willing relatives around).

8) Two birthday parties with all that entails.  For me this is an advantage,
but I love throwing parties so I'm letting it sit in the disadvantage list.
It costs money, can be a pain in the ***, and IS work.

So, while I have to agree with Alan about the many, many advantages and the
yet unlisted real REWARDS of having two (like when the oldest finally remembers
to get his sister another toy to play with before taking the one he left on 
the living room floor where she had every right to get it away from her).  
But to pretend that it is not more work is a lie.  It really IS more work.
You don't have one child to worry about, pray over, make sure their needs are
met, ensure you haven't slighted them on needed attention, ensure their socks
are matched, clothes are hemmed, hair is combed, teeth are brushed, etc.
You have two (or more).  And while some jobs become easier in bulk, many do
not.  

>
>I confess to having an unkind (though unvoiced) reaction to anyone who says
>"two is more than twice as hard as one."  It is: "So, you didn't learn
>anything at all from the first one?"  Whiners.

I think this is entirely unfair.  Try letting your wife take a month off and
doing it all yourself for a while.  Perhaps two isn't more tiring for you
because you don't PERSONALLY have twice as much work.  I know it is a WHOLE
lot harder on Ron to have two than it is me.  After all, what I mostly do is
play with them.  I get twice the fun!  Sure, no problem.  Let's have five more.


-- 
Judy Leedom Tyrer

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"	- William Blake