From: pete@marsh.cs.curtin.edu.au (Pete Staples)
Subject: Re: "Does the Rover Snap Behinds?"
Organization: Curtin University of Technology
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 11:15:41 GMT

Anthony Waller <P85014@BARILVM.BITNET> writes:

>  My parents sent me this article from "The Age" of 22 August.
>Reprinted without permission.

>  Frank O'Shea believes newcomers to Australian football need instruction
>in "footyspeak".  Here is the beginner's guide to the football cliche.

>  On what geometric figure are football games played? - An oval.
>  Except, of course, at the end of the season, when they are played on
>what? - Hallowed turf.
>  What adjective, of Irish American origin, is used to describe the
>final? - Grand.
>  What elastic collision starts a game? - The centre bounce.
>  At the start of a game, some players may be left at the bus station.
>- The interchange players.
>  And where can they be found at the interchange? - On the bench.
>  What are they doing on the bench? - Warming it.
>  Which phase of the moon is regarded by most football coaches as
>crucial? - The third quarter.
>  What avian field positions remind us that football teams resemble the
>Labor Party? - The left wing and the right wing.
>  What anatomical name is given to the players whose job is to prevent
>their opponents from scoring? - Backs.
>  Some backs, however, are only fractions of the others. - Yes, the
>half-backs.
>  And one of these is found between the shoulder blades. - The centre
>half-back.
>  How do we descibe the player who, in the words of the dictionary,
>"wanders aimlessly around the field"? - The rover.
>  Why is he called rover? - After a famous dog.  He is to be found at the
>edge of the pack and will sometimes snap at the goal.
>  With what compass direction will the winning team be rewarded? - The
>four points.
>  Are there fights in football? - Never.  Incidents perhaps, but never
>fights.
>  What do we call the umpire's written version of events?  Think of your
>schooldays. - The report.
>  This report may name players who have misbehaved during the game.  Give
>an example of such misconduct. - Striking an opponent.
>  And how do players strike their opponent? - Allegedly.
>  May such a player be required to suddenly materialise before a bench?
>- Yes.  He must appear before the Tribunal.
>  And as a result of this, he may be hanged? - Not really, although he
>can be suspended.
>  How do we descibe a player who frequently appears before the Tribunal?
>- Wholehearted.
>  What impossible fraction does he always give? - 110 per cent.
>  When he comes to retire, what kind of life, reminiscent of a chessboard
>will he be alleged to have had. - A chequered career.
>  What climbing device is used to indicate how teams are performimg?
>- A ladder.
>  How are teams' positions on the ladder described? - Lowly or lofty.
>  Some personalities.  What is Jim Stynes? - Big.
>  And Paul Salmon? - Big.
>  Peter Sumich? - Big.
>  Is there anyone who isn't big? - Yes, Dermot Brereton.
>  And what is he? - Inspirational.  And injured.
>  What about Greg Williams? - Wholehearted.
>  And Warwick Capper? - Who?
>  Which stall is the best forward in the competition? - Jason Dun.
>  How is he the best forward? - Arguably.
>  Under what weather conditions do players change clubs? - A draft.
>  When they do so, are they said to mutilate certain items of clothing?
>- Yes, they sever their ties.
>  What score attracts so many females to football games? - The behind.
>  Some of these are said to be hurried. - No.  Rushed.  Improbable as it
>may seem, there are rushed behinds.
>  What covers the behind? - The back pocket, of course.
>  This reminds me.  Can I ask you again about Warwick Capper? - Never
>heard of him.
>  Some desciptive words.  What is pressure? - Relentless.
>  Defeat? - Crushing.
>  Prospects? - Exciting.
>  Injuries? - Niggling.
>  How are losses felt? - Acutely.
>  What do fortunes do? - They fluctuate.
>  How do they fluctuate? - Wildly.
>  What do teams do with recent poor form? -  Shrug it off.
>  Where does the umpire put the ball to restart the game? - Up.
>  What will Melbourne never catch this year? - Up.
>  What do Collingwood never give? - Up.
>  Where do you wish I would shut? - Up.

>-------
>Anthony Waller          BITNET:    P85014@BARILVM.BITNET
>Bar-Ilan University     INTERNET:  P85014@vm.biu.ac.il
>Israel                  CARNA SAINTS!!!!


what a dill.
Newsgroups: rec.sport.football.australian