From: alexeev@math.utah.edu (Valery A. Alexeev)
Subject: digest of relcom.humor
Organization: Department of Mathematics, University of Utah
Distribution: soc
Date: 4 Jan 93 19:59:15

Just a friendly public service: a digest of recent jokes from there...
Enjoite.
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From: mac@bk302.exnet.msk.su (Fedorova Ludmila Aleksandrovna)

       - Devushka, sadites' - podvezu !
       - YA ne devushka, menya uzhe podvozili ...

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From:  Sergey N. Yakovlev <Sergey@kamasto.kamchatka.su>

        Korova lezet na berezu, Vorona sidit' na vetke i sprashivaet :
   - Korova, a korova kudy presh' ?
   - YAblochki pozhevat', - bachit korova.
   - Da to zh ne yablonya ?!?!
   - Tyk u meni s soboy ! - otvechaet korova. :-)

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From:  Ilya V. Trubchanin <ilya@helios.marine.su>

I.

Vypolzayut dve zmei iz kabaka, izryadno podshofe. Odna obrashchaetsya k drugoy:
"S-slysh', p-podruga, n-ne p-p-pomnyu, ya yad-dovitaya ili net?". Vtoraya:
"K-konechno yad-dovitaya, t-ty zh gadyuka!". Pervaya: "N-nu togda mne ),$:$:.:$,
ya yaz-zyk prikus-sila".

II. Tut nado ne stol'ko rasskazyvat', skol'ko pokazyvat', poetomu ya opishu
    v vide p'esy.

Deystvuyushchie litsa: muzhik i mukha.

Muzhik lozhitsya spat'. Nad ukhom mukha: zh-zh-zh-zh...
Muzhik otchayanno vorochaetsya, pytayas' usnut'. Mukha: zh-zh-zh-zh...
Muzhik rezko vybrasyvaet ruku i lovit mukhu. Mukha (v kulake): zh-zh-zh-zh...
Muzhik podnosit kulak ko rtu i poet: "Bayu-bayushki-bayu...".
Mukha (v kulake): zh-zh-zh-zh... Muzhik opyat': "Bayu-bayushki-bayu...". Mukha (v
kulake) zasypaet. Muzhik podnosit kulak k samym gubam: ZH-ZH-ZH-ZH!

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>Zagadka !!!
>
>  I udobno i krasivo
>  Prosto lyubo posmotret'
>  YAb sama ego nosila
>  Tol'ko ne na chto nadet'

>
> Uslyshanno po Radio Evroppa+

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From: barter@ztb4.ztb.zaporizhzhe.ua (ztb-barter)

      VYPISKA IZ KONSTITUTSII NEPALA,

       Grazhdaninom gosudarstva Nepal schitat' cheloveka rozhdennogo

       nepal'tsem i nepalkoy.

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From:  kvv@vict.computerland.kiev.ua (Victor V. Kopyra)

========================================
   Izya zvonit Moyshe na rabotu:
   - Privet kozel staryy!
   - Vy znaete s kem govorite? - otvechaet neznakomyy golos.
   - S kem ?
   - S general'nym direktorom firmy.
   - A vy znaete, s kem govorite ?
   - Net.
   - Nu i slava Bogu! - govorit Izya i kladet trubku.
=========================================
    V detskom sadu CHP: deti stali netsenzurno vyrazhat'sya. Zaveduyushchaya poshla
    zhalovat'sya v sosednyuyu voinskuyu chast', otkuda prisylali dvoikh soldat
    chinit' elektrichestvo. Leytenant vyzyvaet ikh k sebe:
   - Nikak net, tovarishch leytenant, nichego sebe takogo ne pozvolyali. Ryadovoy
     Sidorov payal provoda, a ya derzhal vnizu stremyanku. Potom olovo stalo
     kapat' mne na golovu.
   - Nu i ty ?
   - Nu i ya govoryu: " Ryadovoy Sidorov, razve vy ne vidite, chto vashemu to-
     varishchu na lob kapayut kapli rasplavlennogo metalla?"
==========================================
 I nakonets posledniy iz zhizni Vinni-Pukha (nemnogo poshlyy)

   Posle togo, kak Pyatak porazil vozdushnyy shar, s pomosh'yu kotorogo Vinni
   pytalsya dobyt' med.
   Upal Vinni na zemlyu. Sidit s podnyatymi rukami. K nemu podkhodit  Pyatachek:
   - Vinni, Vinni, tebe plokho? Vinni, tebe ochen' plokho ?
   - Mne plokho?! Mne ochen' plokho?! Da mne prakticheski p....ts !
==========================================================
   Pyatiletniy synishka podbegaet k beremennoy materi:
   - Mam, a mam, a pochemu u tebya zhivot takoy bol'shoy ?
   - Vidish li synok, ya vypila mnogo vody.
   - Mam, vypey eshche chashechku.
   - No zachem?
   - Nu vypey eshche!
   Mat' vypivaet eshche chashku vody. Syn prikladyvaet ukho k zhivotu materi
   i govorit:
   - Nu chto, gadenysh, zakhlebnulsya ?!
===========================================================
   Vinni-Pukh s Pyatakom plyvut na lodke. Vinni na veslakh, a Pyatak na
   korme kunyaet. Tut Vinni vynimaet veslo i Pyataka po golove ...
   Pyatachek vskakivaet:
    - CHto? Kak? Gde?
   Vinni:
    - Nu chto, svin'ya, ne spitsya, syad' pogrebi!

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From: (root@pribor.vladimir.su)
>  Prikhodit muzhchina v magazin i sprashivaet:
  -Da ya vizhu, chto ne Ivanov, no nichem pomoch' ne mogu otvetil prodavets

> (Pros'ba lits familii kotorykh sovpadayut s ukazanymi zdes' ne obizhat'sya)

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From: rashid@hq.saratov.su (Karimov Rashid - SysAdm)

Prorab na stroyke shkol'nikam-ekskursantam:
Vsem odet' kaski! A to zdes' sluchay byl. De-
ka byla v kaske,a mal'chik _bez_.Na nikh upali
kirpichi. Mal'chik _umer_,a devochka tol'ko zas-
meyalas' i ubezhala.
Vovochka: A ya znayu etu devochku! Ona i seychas
smeetsya i begaet!

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