From: jkusters@zeus.calpoly.edu (Chrome Jester)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: The "Act" Of Love
Date: 11 Oct 92 23:13:45 GMT
Organization: California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo

As if I knew what I was doing; as if I approached this thing called "love"
with any kind of certainty whatsoever.  I tell him I love him, but what do
those words actually mean?  What price have I paid to be allowed to walk
upon this stage?  Is this an act?  Or am I merely an actor who has gotten a
little lost in his role and will find himself back to normal when the
curtains come down...

Is this love thing a play in three acts?  If so, where is the play's
director?  The acts have run together for me until I can no longer separate
them:  guilt, pain, and doubt.  Or are those merely the other actors, or
perhaps props?  If so, call the stagehand to corral them back into order;
they have run amuck.  Should I be jealous of those who are able to sit
quietly, lovingly at the footlights?  Why must I feel like I am up on center
stage, pinned by the limelight, feverishly hoping that the act does not fail
me?  Why do I feel I need that?  Is it an act?  Am I merely an actor?

Is it real?  I've thought so before.  I was even thinking that just this
morning, as I was reviewing the circumstances that led up to today.  To
continue with the metaphor, the scenes and acts that have come before now
look strange to me, and I do not currently understand them.  Have I been
living in the midst of some absurdist theatre?  Would I know the
difference?  Is the actor separate from the role?

Dramatis Personnae:
	JOhn - aptly called a fool, the "hero" of the story...
	Myke - a loving, caring character, unwittingly duped by the "hero"...
	Mister X - the mysterious stranger whose name I will not mention...
	Mom - JOhn's mother, symbolic of parental (dis)relations...

Act I takes place several months ago, on IRC (the setting for a great deal
of this comedy), whereupon the hero and Myke begin to interact.  They
have a great deal in common, more than should be allowed to two mortals.
Over the span of three or so months, they go through crisis, joy, mourning,
and just basic life.  They are drawn closer and closer together, not quite
realizing what was really going on.  The other residents of this electronic
realm do realize, however, but for reasons known only to the playwright,
keep it to themselves.  The act ends on a suspensefilled moment, when JOhn
makes that nerve-wracking and historic phone call.  During that phone call,
each of the two main characters says those three decpetively powerful words:
"I love you."

Act II opens three weeks later.  The loving couple have spent a great deal
of time "together", as together as two people can be when separated by 3000
miles.  Both of them are very aware of just how difficult it will be, trying
to make a long distance relationship work.  They are under no pretentions as
far as that goes.  They make plans to meet sometime in December, though
neither of them really desire to wait that long.  The harsh voice of reality
cannot be ignored, however, and they both hate and yet understand it.  Both
of them are happy and disgustingly content.  Enter Mister X.  Mister X and
JOhn have known each other for a short time, having met after JOhn and Myke
did.  At first, JOhn assumes that he and this Mister X are merely good
friends.  But when Mister X starts to flirt, teasingly, with JOhn, JOhn is
no longer as certain as he used to be.  Is Mister X serious?  Are his
apparent intentions real?  Could he mean what he seems to be suggesting?  At
this point, Mom makes a brief, but shattering appearence, and helps JOhn to
plan out his trip to see Myke.  When the phone is hung up, JOhn faces the
fact that though he talked with his mother for over an hour about a trip
that would cost him half a grand, not once did his mother even bother to ask
the purpose of the trip.  Suddenly, JOhn is left feeling like a captain of a
ship that has just lost it's anchor.  Mister X returns at this time,
taunting and teasing again, and this time JOhn allows himself to be pulled
into the dance for a few moments.  Then the guilt sets in.  What is he
doing, JOhn asks himself in silent soliloquy.  The subsequent revelation by
Mister X that it really meant nothing and was done only in fun causes JOhn
to doubt himself even further.  If he was willing to entertain thoughts of a
carnal nature (and more) with this Mister X, then how devoted to the man he
claims he loves can he be?  Cascades of guilt, shame, pain, and fear rain
down upon the hero as the curtain lowers...

Act III has just begun, and JOhn is still feeling guilt and shame, even
though Myke has told him not to.  The very fact that Myke is so
understanding of him makes JOhn hurt even more, knowing that what he has
done is no better than outright betrayal of a love entrusted to him.  As the
lights go up and the audience quiets, the actor suddenly realizes that he is
stuck out on stage without any idea what his next line is.  There is no
prompter, and this is the only performance of the show to be done ever.  If
he blows it this time, there can be no encore.

The actor strikes a pose and opens his mouth to speak...

JOhn.
-- 
/-John A Kusters, jr.--------------------------------------------------- ______
| jkusters@ares.calpoly.edu   b0- f- w g- s-- r p++                      \    /
Silence keeps us all in darkness, We can't change things overnight;       \  /
But we can shed a little light, Be Political not Polite! -Romanovsky & Phillips
Newsgroups: soc.motss