From: ewright@convex.com (Edward V. Wright)
Subject: Re: More on guys who aren't dating Ed Wright
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1992 23:28:41 GMT
Distribution: soc
Organization: Engineering, CONVEX Computer Corp., Richardson, Tx., USA
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

In <1ade3uINN688@golem.wcc.govt.nz> parks_typ@med.wcc.govt.nz writes:

>Please sir, can I ask a question?

>How do you know this woman was 'perfect' if you never got close to her?
>Do you mean she *looked* perfect?  Did she have face and body of your 
>dreams?

I never said she was "perfect" or that I never got within 50
feet of her.  She was a PhD on the science faculty at a local 
university, didn't enjoy sports, did enjoy camping, hiking, 
dancing, horseback riding... just about everything I could
hope for.  

>She might have been impossible to live with.  You simply don't know
>whether or not she was truly perfect or just appeared so.

True, but the question is, will I ever meet someone who
I *want* to be "possible to live with" quite as much as her?

>To totally change the subject, why is it people can't handle the fact that
>someone isn't attracted to them?  I've had trouble in the past with a guy I
>really like as a friend, i.e. we get on really well and enjoy each other's
>company, but I'm simply not physically attracted to him.  He can't understand
>that, and my attempted explanations obviously haven't convinced him.  I'd hate
>to lose his friendship, but I'm sick of every time he's around, him hassling 
>me to go out with him as more than a friend.

Well, a lot depends on what you mean by "more than a friend."  Some
women I know believe it's wrong to have lunch or dinner with a man
alone unless they're "more than just friends."  In that case, imagine
how you would feel if one of your female friends treated you the same
way -- she would go places with you as part of a group, but never be
alone with you because she thought it was inappropriate.  You'd probably
feel pretty insulted, right?

On another level, since you say you really like him as a friend, I
think it's safe to assume he feels the same way about you.  Put yourself
in his place for a minute.  You say you are not interested because you're
not physically attracted.  Suppose a friend of yours, someone you really 
liked a lot told you the same thing.  He liked you as a friend, but wouldn't
even consider you as more than a friend, because of your physical appearance.
Nothing you can say or do, nothing you feel, nothing you are or hope to be
can change that.  It doesn't matter who or what you are.  He will go out
with you in a group, or do whatever else he believes is "appropriate", but
never even consider the possiblity of anything more, just because of the
way you look.  How would you feel?

Finally, a lot of guys are really concerned about their physical
appearance, and feel insecure if a woman does not find it attractive.
He may be hoping that, if he persists, you'll eventually admit that
you really found him attractive all along, silencing one of his biggest
fears.
 




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