From: woodhous@latcs2.lat.oz.au (Joe P Woodhouse)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: Attraction & traits (was Re: ISO Bi-Fem and Girlfriend)
Date: 10 Oct 92 01:04:40 GMT
Organization: Comp Sci, La Trobe Uni, Australia

williamt@athena.Eng.sun.com (Dances with Drums) writes:
>	From my perspective, I've seen that a person can often be defined by
>their likes/dislikes/traits/activities, etc.  For example, if I told
>you I was a George Bush supported and a born-again Xtian, this would give
>you a real different impression of 'who I am' than if I said I am a
>libertarian and a Witch who believes in personal choice in everything 
>as long as it harms none.  Automatically, I would feel more kinship with
>the 2nd person than the first.

   And I would agree! 8->


>I would be more likely to pursue some
>sort of relationship (maybe friendship) with the 2nd than the first.  If
>they were female and cute and available, I would likely be interested
>in the 2nd but not the first.  Does that mean I am treating them as
>generic?  I don't think so.

   Ah, but this strikes more to the notion of "sanity-preserving" measures
that I mentioned in an earlier post. This is culling on the grounds of
differences or incompatibilities that are themselves sufficient (or close
enough) that I simply don't bother going any further.


>Does that mean I would want them only because
>they were 'libertarian and a Witch'?

   But if "libertarian" & "witch" were all you had to hear about them,
might you not suspect your motivations? Might you not wonder if you
had instead imbued these terms with all sort of other connotations, and
thus (presumedly desiring these connotations) immediately desire the
possessor of the terms that hold those connotations?

   I've tripped more than once doing this. There are intolerant
conservative Witches, you know! 8->


>I don't think so, but if we
>insert 'bi & poly' for 'lib. and W.', some people would be likely to
>think so.

   See my paragraph above. My contention is that is *many* people's
minds, the combination of "Bi" & "Poly" in a woman leads to all sorts
of (unfounded & unjustified) assumptions. *I* am suspicious of someone
who goes for "Bi & Poly" in a big way - what is their motivation?

   There is too loaded a context here. Many men hear "Woman", "Bi", &
"Poly", and *think no further*. I'm not quite sure what connotations
these attributes have in combination - I'm sure most clueless people
would immediately think of threesomes, which, after all, is what every
Red Blooded Real Man wants, isn't it?

   There was a thread in soc.bi some time ago about the *extra* sexual
harassment women found, that they identfied as being related to their
being out as Bi. Think about it. After even the third time something
like that happened, wouldn't *you* be just a tad suspicious of people's
motivations too?

   And to close - I am personally familiar with many people, various
combinations of being female, Bi, & Poly, who are variously prudish,
repressed, intolerant, very straight & vanilla, and quite *uninterested*
in anything like threesomes. There are no package deals. Really, a person
being Bi & Poly says nothing about them other than that they are Poly
& Bi!

   Actually, one last thing - *I* am Bi & Poly, and yet *I* don't get
any of this constant hassling & harassment. I don't think I'm far wrong
in thinking that this is because I'm *male*. Ask yourself why should
that make all the difference, and perhaps it will shed a new light on
some of what's been said.

   Sorry if I'm sounding harsh. But I have personally seen it happen
too many times to remain entirely calm about it.

Joe.

  / Joe Woodhouse        / I'm just a sweet bisexual...   / Hello, there.
 / Latrobe University   /    (think - Rocky Horror)      / Threesomes are fun.
/ Melbourne, Australia / Music. Magic. Mathematics. Me. / I like cats! (miaow!)