From: rizzoe@FASECON.ECON.NYU.EDU (Emily Rizzo)
Subject: Re: One hell of a wake-up call.
Organization: New York University
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 17:08:48 GMT

In article <1993Jan11.153709.25733@watson.ibm.com> sck@watson.ibm.com (Scott C. Kennedy) writes:

>This saturday morning, I received a phone call from my father, a member of 
>Downtown United Presbteryan (sp?) Church in Rochester, NY. (Home of
>Janie Spahr, the lesbian pastor who is being barred from her congregation.)
>For more information about Janie reply via e-mail.

>He feels very strongly about the stubbornness and "un-christian" behavior
>of the people who oppose the congregation's choice for pastor. He explained
>that he "wanted to become gay" (his words) to make himself a target for the
>injustices that are committed against homosexuals.

>So, his plan is to take a partner, while still remaining faithful to his wife. He would
>become part of the gay community and thus would place his support amongst
>the people who are being wronged. He knows this will cause alot of problems
>with his friends and business associates who are not as open-minded as others.
>And he doesn't have any idea how he is going to do this, but he desperately
>wants to do something. 

Parents of gays and lesbians go through some well documented states of 
shock, grief, and acceptance with the final stage, in some cases, being 
anger at society which discriminates against their children.  I think this is
particularly prevelent among white, upper-middle class people who never 
expected that anyone in their family would be a target of discrimination.
Sometimes the feeling of frustration boils over and leads either to activism 
or to unstable behavior.  One of the reasons P-FLAG (Parents and Friends of 
Lesbians and Gays) exists with over 300 chapters in eleven countries is to 
help parents deal with these emotions and also serve as a channel for such 
energies.  For more information call 1-800-4-FAMILY.

By the way, this is rather well discussed in an excellent book entitled
"Beyond Acceptance" written in 1986 by three P-FLAG members, Carolyn 
Griffin, and Marian & Arthur Wirth.  It is available in paperback from St. 
Martin's Press and is really a must read for parents of GLB's (and highly 
recommended for their children as well.)

It sounds as if your father's justifiable anger is taking a rather bizarre 
turn.  I would give him the following advice:

Contact P-FLAG -- if he isn't already a member he should join, not only for 
his sake but for theirs; p-FLAG needs people now who can nudge them toward a 
more political and activist role.  All P-FLAG chapters have hot lines, an 
experienced parent he can talk to one on one.

Point out to him that if he wants to work for change, he can do far more 
good by either volunteering with P-FLAG or GLB organization, these groups 
always need people even if to stuff envelopes.  It will give him a sense of 
purpose and he will be helping the cause.  

If he wants to experience some of the discrimination felt by a GLB in our 
society, then he should try wearing a pink triangle pin or any kind of gay 
jewelry (and not one of the t-shirts that says "Straight but not narrow").
He can do this honestly without living a lie nor risk hurting either his 
wife or his future partner.  

Emily
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