From: pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Books & MY New Year's
Date: Thu, 07 Jan 93 23:32:31 EST
Distribution: world
Organization: darkpark

 Hey...what am I, the cheerleader for alt.angst? Maybe you (and everyone 
else) will think that I'm spoiling the brooding fun of dining on ashes by 
posting two of these "chin up" messages in a row, but what the hell. This 
message struck pretty close to home in some aspects -- the fake new 
year's story convinced me (sure, he excess "oh, she's so beautiful" 
details are too much, but Heart Stuff [tm] can make one see all sorts of 
nice things), and the bitterness underneath was like a slap in the face.


> 
> There was this other girl there who seemed to be as bored as myself, and 
> she too was alone, just standing there looking around.  Somehow, me and 
> Dana (this girl) managed to strike up a conversation.  I still can't 
> remember if it was me or Dana that initiated the conversation.  In any 
> case, there were immediate sparks, both physically and socially.  She was 
> a gordeous blonde wearing a dress that showed plenty of cleavage.  I was 
> just wondering to myself that there must be something horribly wrong with 
> Dana, or else she would have been with someone and she certainly would not 
> have been interested in me.  As much as I tried, I couldn't find one flaw.
> She was intelligent, witty, and very fun to talk to.  It turned out she was 
> a Computer Science major, just like myself. 


 Is this what you expect? The Ideal Woman, perfect in every aspect, even 
down to her major? Is this what you want? Believe that you can attain?
 Hey, I won't try to preach the "looks don't matter" gospel, because you 
and I know that it's just so much crap, BUT...I've always found picture 
perfect model-types to be boring. Call it sour grapes, call it what you 
will, but flawed and/or ideosyncratic good looks attract me more. They 
say that physical features have no bearing on what's inside, and I say 
that they're wrong -- poise, expression, style, these things often 
accurately mirror the personality within. When I read what you wrote, I 
dunno...seems flat. Maybe an examination of expectations are in order...
 And besides, I find the CS-major aspect to be the most telling. Are you 
a CS-major yourself? I certainly think so...why do you want a carbon copy 
of yourself? Does she have to be exactly like you? What's the fun in 
that?


> Also, I have never fallen in love and never met anyone like Dana.  In fact,
> you can tell at how unexperienced I am with falling in love by the 
> unconvincing, unbelievable story I tried to make up above.  I don't 
> really mind though, since that is just something I have learned to accept
> about my life.  Some people were made to fall in love, and some weren't; 
> just as some peole were made to be great athletes, and some weren't.
> 

 I have two words for you, man:

 BULL. SHIT.

 Damn straight you won't ever meet anyone like this mythical Dana. And 
that's the only part you got right.
 Some people born NOT to fall in love? Yeah...and some people are born 
not to breathe. I totally understand your opinion that "Some day, it'll 
happen to you"-type advice is small consolation, but it's like those 
annoying things that your parents always told you. You don't want to hear 
it, but it's the truth.
 I'm a coward, much like you. Most of the relationships I've experienced 
have fallen in my lap, making it a good thing that I like strong, 
sexually aggressive women. What that means is that while the best thing I 
can tell you to do is not to wait around for something to happen, I'm 
somewhat incapable of following my own advice, so I'll say nothing of the 
kind.
 
 But, to be resigned to your "fate"? That's idiotic...as a form of 
emotional damage control, I'm sure it works, but I can't see how it won't 
end up externalizing. "I won't have a girlfriend" will become "I can't 
have a girlfriend" to "I don't WANT a girlfriend", and the ladies WILL 
pick up on this, and they won't endanger themselves by approaching you. 
And for people like you and me, who are terrified of actually CHASING 
someone, having a woman target you first is the last, best hope.


> Sorry for making this so long...sorry for writing this at all.  I'm 
> wondering now if I should even send this article, or just delete it.
> 
> -- 

 I think you made the right choice. Hell, it gave me a chance to look 
like a Wise Man...nifty.

> Hagop Janoyan
> hagop@seas.ucla.edu


marlowe

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