From: shannah@netcom.com (Teri Miller)
Subject: RelaxiBoink III
Date: Thu, 09 Apr 92 07:29:57 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Distribution: ba

In order to keep track of how many people are going to be at the
various RelaxiBoink events (especially those at restaurants who want
headcounts) I have been asking folks for RSVPs.  Upon receipt of RSVPs,
I have been sending the details about the events.

I chose to do it this way for two reasons: first, I figured that if 
someone didn't RSVP, they probably weren't interested in going, so 
would have no use for the details, and second, since the restaurants
needed accurate headcounts, I was concerned that sending out the details
to folks who didn't RSVP might give the impression that "drop ins" were
welcome.  While I am looking forward to seeing whoever wants to attend,
I don't think it's fair to tell a restaurant I'm going to have N people
attending, then have a dozen or more extra people show up unannounced.

Of all the people who have RSVPed, or inquired in any way about the
events, one person has complained about this policy.

Apparently, this person thinks I'm a liar, because I stated in my postings
that anyone who wanted to attend is welcome, but then won't send them the
information on exactly where the events are without an RSVP.  (I did send
the date/time/city/general info.)

Personally, I feel that as host, I have certain obligations to my
guests, and one of them is to assure that I do whatever I can to see
that they have a good time.  On the other hand, as guests, I feel
folks have a certain obligation to hosts, like following house rules,
RSVPing for events that the host has asked for RSVPs for, and not trying
to change the event around to suit themselves.

I feel that the person who complained is trying to harrass and 
intimidate me, and I have refused to participate in that by buckling
under and sending the details.  They have threatened to post our email
conversation to the net.

All I can say is that this sort of thing is precisely why *I* don't
hold events more often, and others have told me that this is why they
don't host events, either.  I think it's a real shame that people who
try to do something nice for other net.folks and hold a party get
subjected to this type of treatment.  Fortunately for me, there are
a lot of great people that are coming to this event, who have helped
to mitigate a lot of the hassles, frustration, and pain I've gone through
to host it.

I can honestly say, though, that without the support of folks like
Kenn, Chris, Miriam, and Sandeep, I would have packed it in and just
given up on this event a long time ago.  The above issue is just one
of a number of similar things that have come up for this event alone.

Frankly, the price is just getting too high.  As a host, I feel I should
be able to look forward to events, and have a good time planning and
hosting them.  In reality, I have taken a lot of abuse for having had
the nerve to actually *plan* something.  Of course, those who complain
are generally those who don't host events.  Hell, they're not stupid.

It's been a long time since I've hosted one of these "posted to the
net" events, and given the treatment I've received, I can assure all
who read this, it will be a long long time before I do it again.

Marvin, Charleen, Nancy - my hat's off to you.  How you can host these
and still retain your sanity is completely beyond me.