From: payner@netcom.com (Rich Payne)
Subject: Re: Back Again To (Un)Father - NOT!
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 02:22:50 GMT

In article <1993Jan4.153526.7202@ll.mit.edu> x73rl@ll.mit.edu ( Rick LaFave) writes:
>news@mont.cs.missouri.edu
><168CEB513.SURGDM@mizzou1.missouri.edu>
>
>|In article <1992Dec31.142336.486@ll.mit.edu>
>|x73rl@ll.mit.edu ( Rick LaFave) writes:
>| 
>|>  Suppose both man and women have engineering degrees (lets say 2 BSs).
>|>The happy couple decides that she will stay home raising kids, and he'll
>|>go merrily to his place of employment every day.  Things turn sour - they
>|>divorce.  Do you think he should be obliged to pay 100% as she was not
>|>gainfully employed at the time of divorce, or do you believe she should be
>|>held 'available for work' because of her degree, and have imputed income?
>| 
>|Since they *both* agreed that she should stay home with the kiddies, and
>|since, if she is not working she doesn't have any income, I think that
>|the subject of her share of the support is moot until she has a job- and
>|yes, if it were up to me, she should find a job.
>| 
>|>  Just a note on the way the system works here.  The more 'successful'
>|>he is at his job (reflectd in higher pay) the more he is penalized at
>|>divorce time through support.
>| 
>|Just another note... The more 'successful' the custodial parent is at
>|his/her job (reflected in being awarded custody) the more he/she is
>|penalized at divorce time (raising a child alone).
>
>I'm not sure I agree entirely.  The biggest thing that affects raising 
>the child alone is the availability and willingness of both parents, not 

I'm a bit confused here, are you saying that the best situation for
raising a child ----alone---- is with two willing and available parents?

What does alone "mean" to you?

>only to participate, but also to not interfere with the other parent.
>That goes both ways, as in a non-interfereing CP AND a participating NCP.
>The lack of either of these hurts the kids.  I'm not sure what it has to do 
>with the CP being 'successful'.
>
>|You know, I'm a custodial parent. I'm getting the uncomfortable feeling
>|that a lot of people think that raising a child (or two) alone is a piece
>|of cake compared to writing out a support check once a month. It's not.
>
>No its not a piece of cake, I stayed home for a year with my daughter, 
>but there are (for me) those cherrished memories from doing it, that I 
>wouldn't have if I had been going to work every day.  Everyparent has 
>their burdens and joys, my comment is for NCPs who have burdens but are 
>involuntarily excluded from the joys.
>
>|I know just as many people who opted to be the non-custodial parent as the
>|custodial one. Not everybody *wants* to raise children alone. 
>
>True - and further not all NCPs desire to stay involved, which is a shame IMO.

This seemed to be the situation where the word "alone" would be appropriate.
 
>|                                                              So please, let's
>|stop this subtle insinuation that all custodial parents sit in front of the
>|TV eating BonBons all day while the ex-spouse slaves away to make support
>|payments. 
>
>Generalizations work both ways.  Just the other day (last week) Mass wrote
>to my employer saying that I owed my ex $66K and to up my child support 
>withholdings.  Now since my support is direcly removed from my paycheck
>and my employer cuts her her checks, does this make any sense?  Did Mass
>do ANY research on the case at all? Or am I automatically the bad guy, 

It sounds like you had to prove yourself innocent.

>because I'm the NCP?  BTW if I had not been able to produce records, the ex
>could refuse to sign saying that I'ld paid and I could owe that.  Ick!
>  Generalizations hurt us all, I (for 1) apologize if I've insinuated
>all CPs are deadbeats, which I may have done because thats my history,
>its certainly not true.

Generalization is as neccesary as breathing, and it is a good starting
point. The problem is when it becomes a stopping point rather than a starting
point. What is the difference between a child asking 'why', in response to
every children and an older child or adult? The experience which allows one
to categorize and generalize and extract order from the chaos around us.
 
>|           Support is based on *ability* to pay. It would be pretty ridiculous
>|to have the parent who makes the least money (and often spends the most time
>|with the child) pay a higher % of his/her income than the wealthier parent.
>| 
>|Diane
>
>Agreed.  Each according to their abilities and strengths.  

This sounds like communism.  :^)


Rich

payner@netcom.com




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