From: mcmathew@athena.mit.edu (Mithran C Mathew)
Subject: Being Americanized.......
Keywords: Life, living in America 
Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 17:26:55 GMT

Hi all,

I've been reading this newsgroup for sometime, and thought that maybe now is the
time to begin posting.  Email and netnews has a great way of intesnifying
feelings, and thoughts, but yet it keeps the user anonymous, which can be used to
great advantage.  I know: As an MIT undergrad, I've become a master at handling
email, and I usually handled over 20 pieces of email a day during the term.  But
enough of this nonsense, let's get to what I really want to talk about.

I've noticed that most of you seem to have been brought up in Kerala, so I may
perhaps be able to offer you a twist on your view of "life outside Kerala."  I'm
an American first, born and brought up in Northwest Ohio.  However, both my
parents are Syrian Christian/Malayalee.  Like I said, I feel like an American
first, but I have roots in the Indian culture.  I used to go as a boy to Kerala,
staying for a month in Tiruvilla, at my grandma's house.  I actually loved it
there, while a kid.

However, now that I am 19, I see the world in a different light.  All my life,
all of my friends have been White caucasians.  They have been the people
I have hung around with all of my high school and college years, especially
now since I am in a fraternity here at MIT.  Slowly, the process of assimilating
is taking place here in the States.

I've noticed that most Indian-Americans, and the few Malayalis that I know, 
is that they tend to stick to themselves once they come here.  It is the typical 
multicultural dilemna;  blacks hang around with blacks, whites with whites, 
chinese with chinese, and unfortunately,  Indians with Indians.  You'd be amazed
at the number of Americanized Indian couples there are here at the young age of
18 and 19.  This to me is unfortunate;  most of these people were the best in 
their school;  they had to get along and be friends with everyone. My gut feeling
is that they are running scared from other people, not that they are trying to
find their roots.  It is only at MIT, not high school, that I see people 
starting to separate  along racial and ethnic boundries, and I don't think 
this is good.

Even worse, I see parental pressures starting to effect my peers.  My cousin, a
few years my senior, has been rumored (according to my younger brother, who must 
have listened in on my parents)  to want an arranged marriage.  This was shocking
to me.  Why would a American born boy,  educated and brought up here, go for
something arranged by his parents?  What about love?  My parents never mention 
this type of stuff around me, and are usually secretive about such matters, but 
I know they would wish that I accept some sort of Malayali marriage that they can
approve.

If anything, I see myself as a Christian first.  With no Mar Thoma church in  my
area,  I have always attended the Presbyterian church first.  Why do I have
to change my background now, and somehow be "malayali?"  What does it mean to be 
"Malayali" anyway?  

That's enough about me, so let's get on with what I think this newsgroup can 
help debate with me.  Most of you have left Kerala for good, so you are now
Americans/Australians/Canuck/whatever.   I get the feeling that most of you are
grad students, and now that you are out,  this very same problem will pop
up in your lives.  You may choose an arranged marriage or you may not.  Either
way, you'll have kids, and they WILL NOT be Malayali.  They will become part
of the melting pot that is America/Canada/Australia.  What will you try to save
then?  Is it worth sticking to amongst ourselves, when we risk losing our
relationship with the western community we willingly joined?

I hope you all realize that you will lose all ties to Kerala and India;  my 
parents have been here for twenty years, and the process has already occured to 
them.  I am in the middle. I can choose to keep the Malayali culture (whatever it
is) if I feel like its something worth treasuring, but more likely, I will
incorporate what my parents taught me about values with what I choose to take 
from the Judeo-Christian culture I have been exposed to in the midwest.

So here is my final question to all of you.  What is worth preserving from Kerala?
Certainly not Communism/socialism.  I'm a Buchananite when it comes to politics
(even with the "family values")  so its pointless for me to revive a dead system.
 There was an article in Technology Review (MIT's alumni magazine)  a year or so
back on how Kerala's educational system is so good, and how socialism has
actually worked for Kerala to some extent.  That is something good,  that
Malayali's on the whole tend to prize education. Witness all the nurses, doctors,
and engineers such as yourself who come out of Kerala.

But what else is it that you treasure? Why should I feel an ethnic bond to
Malayalis, other than those who are my cousins?  Why  should I accept arranged
marraiges?  What should I see when I decide its time to go back and visit a
country I was never born in, yet is always referred to as my "home?"  It is
kind of ironic, that both my parents were actually brought up as Malayali's
in Tamil Nadu, and only went to Kerala on school breaks. 

These questions you can perhaps answer, presenting this newsgroup
with some invigorating debate.



						Sincerely,

						Mithran Cherian Mathew
						mcmathew@athena.mit.edu
						351 Mass. Ave
						Cambridge MA 02139