From: ESMITH@SUVM.SYR.EDU
Subject: I feel like I'm listening to a cat fight
Organization: Syracuse University
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 92 12:34:06 EST

   I expected the inane argument between Muffy and Vicca to die
down after a few returned salvos, but it seems not willing to die a
graceful death. Isn't it possible for you two to simply agree to
disagree and continue another thread now? Who here *really* gives a fuck
if Vicca's definitions are not exact, and who, apparently other than
Muffy, *really* cares if Viccas lovers are being lied to? C'mon ladies,
give it a rest.
 
   Phil asked about jealousy a few postings ago and also asked if
anyone else had had similar feelings. Yep. I used to. I guess it was
one of the major reasons for the breakup of my marriage of 15 years about
6 years ago.
 
   Some background. I'm a polyamorous (If you don't know the definition
or are unsure of how I'm using this word, please e-mail me privately and
I'll explain) male bisexual (again, if you don't know what I mean by this..)
but was not always. About 9 years after being married my wife and I met
this wonderful couple and over time the four of us decided to get
sexually active with each other. It was great for awhile, then the wife of
my friend started heavily into alcohol. It soon got unfun fast and I told
my wife that I wanted to end the sexual portion of the relationship.
 
   I was told that that certainly was my choice, but that she was not going
to end her sexual relationship with this other man. Needless to say,
I was pretty well bent out of shape. We had long discussions, and I
talked with both our friends, but little was accomplished. Yeah, I became
pretty jealous. As my friends wife's condition worsened, he decided that
she needed much more attention and help from him and eventually broke
off the relationship with my wife. To this day they are both very good
friends of the both of us. Yes, the woman is a continuing recovering
alcoholic and they are both still happily married.
 
   My wife and I, about a year after that met another couple and the tables
were reversed. We became sexually attracted to them and after a few
months (I still don't know why) my wife said she wanted to end the
sexual relationship with them. I don't know if it was revenge on my part,
or simply lust, but I told her that was her choice, but I wasn't going to
end it with the woman involved. Needless to say she was bent way out of
shape too. This eventually led to our divorce.
 
   Yes, I know I made almost every mistake that can be made. Hell, if
there was a textbook bad example, I was it. I'm very familiar
with the emotion of jealousy and it isn't a good feeling.
I learned quite a bit from those relationships and I have to say that
I'm now in a polyamorous relationship with a wonderful couple and a sometimes
third, with no feelings of possession, being left out, being ignored,
feelings of being a fifth wheel, and all of the other wonderfully
useless feelings that accompany fits of jealousy. I've gone so far
as to invite these folks to share my home with me. Yeah, I'm in love
with them big time. *grins*
 
   Anyway, thought I'd answer the jealousy thread and allow you folks to
dissect my past.
 
   As Always,
     Timber
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory