From: robinson@psyvax.psy.utexas.edu (John G. Robinson)
Subject: Troll's programming skills (was Re: [a bunch of other shit])
Organization: The University of Texas at Austin
Followup-To: alt.flame
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 15:29:45 GMT
X-Posted-From: psy7.psy.utexas.edu
X-Posted-Through: sol.ctr.columbia.edu

Interesting that you should write a routine to defend your lame ass while
you're out beating off, but it has quite a few bugs:

In article <6s81H6&6p8@atlantis.psu.edu>, bufalini@among.gis.psu.edu
(Troll's CS project) writes:
> 
> In article <robinson-250792000524@psy29.psy.utexas.edu>, robinson@psyvax.psy.utexas.edu (John G. Robinson) writes:
> >In article <&q21H2z3o8@atlantis.psu.edu>, bufalini@above.gis.psu.edu (Bruce
> >A Bufalini) writes:
> >
> >> Troll's statements are quite easy for anyone with intelligence to understand.
> >> I suspect that you are misinformed, for I am not a computer program; I am
> >> Bruce.
> >> 
> >
> >Shades of "We are Borg!"  My hypothesis that you are an experiment in
> >Artificial Idiocy is looking more plausible.
> 
> No, your hypothesis is doomed, for artificial idoicy is unnecessary when one
> possesses real intelligence.  You, sir, appear to be the individual in need of
> artificial idiocy.

I'll refer to this as the "I know you are but what am I?" subroutine
(sub1).  Vaguely interesting, but it gets way too many calls.

> 
> >> Bruce can grasp that difference, for Troll has kicked many peoples' asses,
> >> especially M's.  Perhaps you would like to be next in line of ass kickings.
> >> 
> >
> >If your definition of "ass kicking" is, as I suspect, proclaiming oneself
> >the victor a la Saddam Hussein, then I have no doubt that I will be a
> >future "victim."
> 
> No, my definition of "ass kicking" is more on a par with the USA proclaiming
> victory against Saddam, which has occured many times, for Troll has at least 5
> victories against Bur.
> 
> >> At least my headers are quite amusing.
> >
> >OK.  Let's take another merry romp through Mr. Bufalini's "hilarity":
> >
> >> Newsgroups: alt.flame
> >
> >Well, you got that right, at least.  (Although I suppose a more appropriate
> >forum would be alt.dicksuckers.troll).
> 
> Although I suppose you and Bur should be the only posters to that group.

(call sub1).  Also illogical; your analogy subroutine seems to need some
work.

> 
> >> Path: sol.ctr.columbia.edu!usc!wupost!uwm.edu!psuvax1!atlantis.psu.edu!above.gis.psu.edu!bufalini
> >
> >God, he even found his way all the way here!
> 
> All of my posts do.
> 

NNTP subroutine seems to be working fine (more's the pity).

> >> Subject: Re: Troll is a loser (was: Re: Grammar flames and a reply to Steve.)
> >               ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> >
> >Has potential; let's read on...
> 
> Has no potential, for you overlooked the "Re:" part of the subject, which from
> my posts, nullifies "Troll is a loser."  Therefore, Troll is not a loser.
> Your point has been proven null.

Your logic board has serious problems, bud.  Keeps spitting out non
sequiturs all over the place.

> 
> >> X-Backmasking-Message: steliot sevol ylleK kciR
> >
> >Don't we all?  What would we do without them?
> 
> But the biggest love of Rick's life is that with toilets, for he worships
> them.  Would you care to join him?
> 

Random-sentence generation routine (sub2) marginally functional, but you
need to work on giving a more lifelike feel to it.  Your program could also
use an integrated grammar checker.

> >> X-Advertisement: Buy a Honda.
> >
> >Drive a piece of shit and put an American out of work.  A worthy sentiment.
> 
> Drive a quality automobile made in America, by Americans, and for Americans.
> My 1986 Honda Accord was built in Marysville, Ohio, and will (literally) last
> forever.  Unlike any American piece of shit you will ever own.

Ah, that could be the problem, Japanese circuits!  Better check your
motherboard.

> 
> >> X-Bruce-Bufalini-Quote: Better to get laid than laid off.
> >
> >I hope the person who came up with "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me
> >than a bottle in front of me" sues you for your dick for that one.
> 
> That person has no basis for ever suing me, for I did not derive my quote from
> the quote you are referring to.

And you can't sue a machine, right?

> 
> >> X-Political-Statement: K e n   R o b i n s o n for President in 2032.
> >
> >Why wait so long?
> 
> X-Political-Statement: K e n   R o b i n s o n for President in 1992.
> X-Political-Statement: John G. Robinson for net.asshole in 1992.  
> 
> Happy now?
> 

(call sub2)  Sure, I'm happy; we have about equal chances of winning our
respective campaigns.

> >> Sender: news@atlantis.psu.edu (Usenet)
> >
> >Nice to know they can afford it.
> 
> They can very easily.  The University of Texas at Austin, on the other hand,
> can't afford anything:
> 
> Sender: news@ctr.columbia.edu (The Daily Lose)
> 
> And the poster, Mr. Robinson, is The Daily Loser every day.

(call sub2)  You need to get an on-line encyclopedia that includes entries
on university budgets.  (Which reminds me:  why, if you are in scranton, do
you use psu's system for your AI project?)

> 
> >> X-Whoosh: WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH
> >
> >Ah!  The sound of air rushing through his ears!
> 
> No, one of my three dimensions: WHOOSH, Bruce, and OGGLE.  Air is incapable of
> rushing through my ears.  You seem to be quite misinformed.
> 

It's obvious now that this particular poster has no ears.

> >> Organization: Pep$i $tate Univer$ity
> >
> >A fine institution.  I hear Alfred E. Neuman used to teach there.
> 
> A very fine institution.  Too bad you'll never understand the pun on Penn
> State.
> 

Also ought to remove that line of code that ridicules penn state.  They
might get mad and revoke your posting privileges.

> >> References: <1992Jul22.193455.1@jaguar.uofs.edu> <1992Jul24.041849.6525@nsisrv.gsfc.nasa.gov> <0xc1Hp8tn8@atlantis.psu.edu> <robinson-240792103901@psy7.psy.utexas.edu>
> >
> >Oh, come now, let's not drag EVERYBODY into it!
> 
> Why not?  You did.
> 

(call sub1)  Your header .sig is big enough without a bunch of extra lines
generated by the posting host.

> >> X-Subliminal-Message: IBM 370 assembler sucks big time.
> >
> >Hint:  ALL assemblers suck big time.
> 
> Hint: I never said all assemblers didn't suck big time.  I just happened to
> pull one out of that set of assemblers.
> 

I see. So which assembler did you use to write this one?

> >> X-Oggle: OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE OGGLE
> >
> >Deja WHOOSH
> 
> Refer to the above regarding WHOOSH, Bruce, and OGGLE.
> 

Ah, yes.  The "three-dimensional" computer.  That would be something, if it
were true.

> >> Date: Fri, 24 Jul 92 17:18:54 GMT
> >
> >This, I think, is the only way you will ever get a date...
> 
> Wrong, for I have had more dates than you could ever dream of having.
> 

Sure.  Every time your clock chip ticks.

> >I am truly in stitches.
> 
> Do you always post from the hospital emergency room?
> 

You also really ought to get a better handle on common American vernacular.
 This problem has popped up before...

> >> No, I am not a computer program.  You seem to thrive on stupidity.
> >> 
> >
> >You actually remind me of the Eliza program that used to amuse me a long
> >time ago.  One of the first stabs at AI, from what I hear.  An example:
> 
> > [Eliza text deleted for it is irrelevant.]
> 
> You actually remind me of an individual who is lost in the center of a giant
> cloud of misinformation.  The first example of Real Idiocy, from what I hear.
> 

(call sub1 and call sub2!  I'm impressed.)  Actually, the first example of
Real Idiocy was the hospital worker who didn't kill you at birth.

> >> >The only place he has said anything worthwhile is in _your_ dreams.  Please
> >> >wake up.
> >> 
> >> No, for he has said many worthwhile things in alt.flame.  You have no
> >> information about my dreams; therefore, your statement is being considered an
> >> unwarranted extrapolation and is being discarded at once.
> >
> >Ah.  This confirms that you are one of:  a.  a botched computer program, as
> 
> I am not a computer program.  I am Bruce.  You are an individual who is living
> a misinformed lifestyle.  Your brain requires repair.
> 

I'm not! I'm not!  Surely saying it often enough will make it so!  Your
program reminds me of Pinocchio, the artificial pathological liar who
wanted to be "real."  Better make sure you don't have a Frankenstein's
monster on your hands.

> >I suspected before; b.  someone who has been living under a rock for years
> 
> No, for 478 East Beaver Avenue, Apartment 517 does not even a little bit 
> resemble a rock.  Perhaps you would like to prove otherwise.
> 

Ah, yes.  The infamous, nonexistent DOI.  I have no doubt that your US mail
would bounce.

> >and therefore has no grasp of the current vernacular; or c.  (and I think
> >this is most likely)  an utterly clueless idiot.
> 
> No, Bruce has many clues.  You seem to be confused.  You appear to be the one
> in dire need of clues.
> 

No, I'm not confused.  Everything is crystal clear, "HAL."

> -- 
> Bruce A. Bufalini                   | In the Basement Bars,
> (bufalini@gis.psu.edu)              | In the Backs of Cars,
> PSU Geographic Information Systems  | Be Cool or Be Cast Out.
>                                     |
>                                     | -Neil Peart, 1982

**********
John G. Robinson
robinson@psyvax.psy.utexas.edu