HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: anon-1357@twwells.com (Silver Tiger)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: To Sarah
Date: 21 Nov 92 00:04:27 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Sarah:

It's true that Death is an ending to pain, but it is also an ending to 
pleasure.  Think of anything you can in your life that gives you 
pleasure, even a little...sometimes it can be as little as realizing that
if you're dead, you'll never see the next episode of Quantum Leap, or
whatever show you watch..I know that comment looks very vapid in some
ways, but whatever works.  I would like to be able to say, "Think of how
glorious the universe is, and how much it is infinitely diminished when
any creature leaves it," but that has always seemed both untrue and
condensending to me... Go with the simple things that make you happy.
Some weeks the hilight has been one TV show for me, since for that
hour I can totally forget about my life and live someone else's.

Loneliness and wanting to know who you are inside...that I am
struggling with also.  I now realize that with the career I have chosen,
I have left precious little room to examine my inner being.  I 
suppose I will make room.  I have been doing some non-typical things
(for me, anyway) lately, perhaps trying to push the boundaries of my
personality... or maybe just to see if anyone will notice.

Take care, warm furry e-hugs if you want them,

Silver Tiger




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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: mcmorris@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (brandywine)
Subject: life is getting wierd
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 07:19:04 GMT

It has been a while since I have posted what is going on in my life...
and now I feel at a crossroads.  As I said, I am moving out of the
familiat abusive home I grew up in. Again. And that is hard and wierd.
And I feel like I am abandoning them all to themselves... but what
else can I do? (rhetorical questions)

I made the decisions that I have to take care of myself. My counslor
tells me how proud he is of me... but that is hard to hear. I am
setting my limits (finally) but I fear I am setting them too far away
from me.

And, I think I know what I want to do with my life. I want to be a
doctor... but I am not sure I can do it. My grades suck. Actually, i
always wanted to be a doctor, but I never thought I was good enough.
Igraduate in May, but I don't have the classes for medical school. So,
I don't know what to do... I think about nursing because I think what
I *want* to do is more nursing than beign a doctor... but I don't
know.  I am going to look into EMT classes here to see if I can work
as an EMT while I go back to school for nursing.  Or for hte classes I
need for med school. If I can get in.

THe wonderful part of my life is my SO/boyfriend... actually... we
argue about the words to be used describing out relationship. SO?
Boyfriend? lover?

who knows, but it is good. He told me he would never ask me to give up
my dreams for him, but that he would always love me. After coming from
a family that was constantly asking me to give up things for LOVE it
is strange and beautifula nd wonderful to be in a relationship where
he would never ask me to. It makes compromising SO MUCH EASIER.

SO life is going on. I am confused and working hard to work that out.
I hope things are okay for all my friends here. I lusk mostly these
days, being so busy. But you all being here means a lot to me

ehugs to all who can take them....
-brandywine




*****************************************************************
"And I feel it like a sickness how this love is killing me
 but I walk into the fingers of your fire willingly
 and dance the edge of sanity, I've never been this close
 in love with your ghost...."

-_Ghost
The Indigo Girls
*****************************************************************
From: conley@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: re: spoiler warning -- dreams & memories & stuff
Date: 21 Nov 92 13:24:52 CST
Organization: University of Kansas Academic Computing Services

In article <By1B88.6Lq@twwells.com>, anon-1372@twwells.com (Sierra) writes:
> 
> Also, what do people think about the idea that multiples are people that
> have had extra-special bad stuff happen to them?  Does that mean that
> people who are _not_ multiples did not have bad stuff happen to them? I
> don't know.  I've heard this idea before, and it bothers me at the same
> time that there seems to be some kind of truth in it.  I don't want
> to rate my abuse on a scale and say, Oh, it wasn't THAT bad, so you
> can't really be a multiple (or, Oh, it was that bad so your feelings about
> yourself are validated), but that's what at least part of me wants to
> do.

All survivors experienced pain and fear, trying to cope with situations
and events that they did not want and were not their fault! The minds of
some where able to cope with the pain by creating "multiple selves".
Multiplicity has become the subject of increasing research interest over
the past 10 years or so. Researchers, in the process of trying to
understand the origins and treatment of multiplicity, accumulate vast
amounts of abuse history from diagnosed multiples. For the most part,
however, the stories and histories of other ( non-multiple ) survivors
have not been formally gathered and studied.

All survivors' pain is valid, and all survivors deserve our understanding 
and compassion. 


-- 
|Dennis R. Conley, Computer Science Dept., University of Kansas (913)864-7372|
|conley@hawk.cs.ukans.edu			    conley@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu|
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: tmohrle@nyx.cs.du.edu (Taylor Mohrle)
Subject: Re: To Sarah (again) technical ooops
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 92 20:36:22 GMT

In article <1992Nov16.163316.28968@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> tmohrle@nyx.cs.du.edu (Taylor Mohrle) writes:
>In article <Bxo8ED.5FB@twwells.com> anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika) writes:
>>
>>
>>Sarah-
>>
>>ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!!  :) 
>>
>>It came back again. Try sending me mail with the line
>>
>>ANON-Mail:yes
>
>This will work ONLY if Sarah sends it from twwells.com (from her anon ID).

instead of from, make that through twwells.com

This should work, but beware that there are routing problems on the
internet.  For example, my home machine can get to twwells.com, but
twwells.com cannot get to my home machine.  Go figure :)

>twwells.com will not send out mail to anyone that does not have a twwells
>anon ID.
>
>Good Luck :)
>
>Taylor
>>
>>in it. (If that's incorrect, someone speak up! :) That letter will be woefully
>>out-of-date by the time you receive it!
>>
>>							Anika
>>
>>
>>
>>--
>>To use this service, send EMAIL to:
>>anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
>>anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
>>anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
>>anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
>>anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
>
>
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (Ode)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Religion
Date: 19 Nov 92 05:56:20 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

emiddlec@mora.gac.edu (Eric Middlecamp) writes:

>*Scientists* have a "religion."
>*Atheists* have a "religion."
>Bob Schmoe, who does nothing but drink, swear, and watch porno's, has a "religion."   
>A religion, by MSP's definition, applies to everyone. Think about it some more.
>And if you still want to scream about it, read the damn book.

>>...
>>Personally, I like Joseph Campbell's idea that (paraphrased) we all need
>>to follow our own bliss. Whatever makes us happy, whatever keeps us out
>>of trouble, pleasantly occupied and somewhat sane (to our own selves
>>anyway, if not to other people) is a "bliss." Joseph Campbell's own
>>bliss was myths and legends (among other things.) My ex-grandmother-in-
>>law's bliss was collecting anything with a rooster on it. My own bliss is
>>discovering and collecting good music by female artists. 
>>...

>Your "bliss" is part of what makes up your "religion."

Excuse me, I haven't read the book you were talking about, and I didn't
follow this thread as closely as I should have (because I have no interest
in religion) but I would just like to say that I do *not* have a "religion."

OK? "Religion" as a word or deed or creed has no place in my sphere of
being. OK? *You* (or this author Peck, or wherever this is coming from)
are the one who is foisting the word onto me. Stop it. It's not your
(or Peck's, or the pope's, or Pat Buchanan's, or Pat Robertson's) place
to tell anyone else what is or isn't their "religion." It's pretentious,
narrow-minded, silly, and, excuse me, ignorant.

I have a bliss. I have hobbies and interests. I do not have a "religion."  

Even though one of the definitions of "religion" is "system of belief"
how does that parallel a bliss such as the ones I talked about? Even
if you answer that, the word religion itself is too closely associated
with a belief in a higher being (such as god) for me to want to be
associated with it in any way.

|vickie|



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From: anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: To Bob Boyd
Date: 21 Nov 92 04:52:58 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Bob--

I'd like to respons to your post about opening up, but I don't feel I'm ready
to post email non-anon.  (Sad, but true.)  Could you possibly get an anon
account and turn your mail on?

The Captain



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From: rbn@sunvis.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Group Therapy
Date: 17 Nov 92 03:31:53 GMT
Organization: Here & Now

Apple -- I prefer both group and individual therapy.  They work very well
together for me.

--
----

Bob Boyd
In The Here & Now
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew Fields)
Subject: Re: response to ed
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 17:58:42 GMT


REALITY CHECK time...

>I support Anika here; I distinctly remember it: "LISTEN UP, YOU DIPSHITS"

I've not been following any of this discussion.

But I got a little time on my lunchbreak and asked my newsserver to do
a string search backwards from today to the first archived article
(20 October).  First I asked for a search on "dipshit", not case sensitive,
and got only the meta-references here.
Then I tried "shit" and got all those plus a host of other articles on
unrelated topics.
Then I tried "Carp" and got the first list plus a bunch of other messages,
which I skimmed but couldn't find any phrase like this.

So either this phrase wasn't in public news in the last month, or it
wasn't in this newsgroup, or the post has been cancelled, or my search
methods are faulty.

I'm doubtful that my homework here will help anything, but that's the
best that I could do.  Most of my net.attention has been to rec.music.compose
lately.

Matt
From: anon-1326@twwells.com (The Captain)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Please read-- about my counselor
Date: 19 Nov 92 01:18:25 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I decided to post the actual letter I wrote to my counselor's secretary. 
Even though I gave you the gist of it in my recent post titled "hello" (sorry
about that-- that was the name of the email the secretary sent me, and when I
used the forward command to add my comments, that was the subject of the
message), I thought it would make me feel better if I actually posted my
reply verbatim.  If you haven't read that post, it explains what this letter
is all about.

My letter:

"You can tell [my counselor] that his dictating his reply to my letter to you
is definitely a breach of confidentiality....  This should be COMPLETELY
between the doctor and the patient, with nobody else involved, not even the
doctor's personal secretary.

[signed]"

The Captain



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From: anon-1421@twwells.com (Seeker)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: safe place inside
Date: 23 Nov 92 21:31:40 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Thanks for welcoming me to the net. I have learned a lot
already. 

My counselor told me that the abusers had done such a good
job on me that they no longer needed to be in my life. I
have taken over their role. Some of you pointed out to 
me that I was being too hard on myself too (thanks esp. Sherri).

I have always been looking for someone else to make a safe 
space for me in which I can grow ... but first I need to
make it safe for me inside myself. If someone else said and 
did to me the things I do to myself, I could have them arrested
and charged with abuse.

I have seen all of the stuff about positive
self-statements and affirmations, but I never connected with
it. I think I saw my self-abuse as *being honest*. After all, I
thought I was defective and deserving of abuse. A precursor to
growth is to recognize where you are...etc., poppycock.

Anyway, I have made a promise to myself to pay attention when
something hurts; to ask myself what I need and to act on
it; and to stop abusing myself. I need safe place inside before
I can heal.

I love myself now, but haven't learned how nurture myself.

-Seeker 
(changed from seeker because I deserve a capital S)

ANON-Mail: yes
ANON-Name: Seeker
ANON-Ping: yes
ANON-Announce: yes



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From: anon-1372@twwells.com (Sierra)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Sandy's letter to perp
Date: 22 Nov 92 20:08:29 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Sandy, thank you for posting that letter.  It feels so good to see people
expressing anger like that, the anger that I'm still to scared to express.
Maybe one day I'll be able to get good and angry at my perp (perps :-( )
too.  Thank you for sharing with us.

--Sierra



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From: anon-1318@twwells.com (Free Amazon)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: group dynamics
Date: 20 Nov 92 05:28:23 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I would like to start a discussion about group dynamics, the differences 
between this group and how a survivor's group would usually be 
structured, the advantages and disadvantages of this format, changes 
people would like to see in this format, if any, and how to make changes 
if they are wanted or needed.

How 'bout I start. I'm sure there will be lots of differing opinions. I  
want to say right off that no opinion will be considered a flame by me 
in this thread. If it gets heated and you feel it's dangerous to anyone 
please feel free to put large spoiler warnings on the subject line.

I would like to avoid going to email because it seems like the kind of 
thing that you do (whisper) when you don't want them to hear, shhh, 
quiet, secret, don't tell, you might upset your (fill in the blank), 
they might find out and hurt me, conspiracy of silence, continuing to 
let it happen stuff.

I think we all know the way to stop bad things that are secrets is to 
tell. There are consequences to telling. People get angry. There is the 
notion that people reading this newsgroup are fragile, that we can't 
take real feelings. If we talk about what's really going on then we 
might hurt the new people in the group, that we might scare people away 
from posting. I disagree. We're survivors here. We've survived this long 
because we're strong, not because we're weak. We can take truth. We can 
take real life. Let's talk.

So what are we afraid of? Flames? What's a flame anyway? Is it the same 
thing on ASAR as on alt.flame or asb or rec.photo?

This isn't just any group.  We're all survivors of something. Can we 
stop throwing that around and talk about how we're dealing with it in 
the framework of ASAR.

Are we allowed to get angry at each other and express that?

What do we do if we feel that someones behavior in the group is abusive?

Is there behavior that is inappropriate? I don't mean the FAQ stuff. 
I mean the subtle stuff.

Is there someone to tell? I mean someone who will DO something?

You know, the things that feel bad but nobody can say 'cause it's my 
fault I probably said it wrong and I'm stupid and I feel bad and 
everyone would know and hate me and they're the only ones that 
understand but then why do they let him/her hurt me and then where would 
I go and I hate this I think I'll quit the group or maybe just stop 
posting and read it and write to a few people by email and then maybe 
he/she will stop hurting me.

I hope we can do some good work here.



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From: uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu (Lydia Uribe)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: to anon-1401
Date: 16 Nov 92 18:10:02 GMT
Organization: Harvey Mudd College, Claremont, CA 91711

ANON-Announce: yes

To anon-1401 -- I tried to email you about the question you asked me, but it
bounced because you don't have your email forwarding turned on....  I think
that a command "ANON-Mail: yes" in any message sent to the anonymous posting
service will take care of the problem.

				Lydia
				anon-1024@twwells.com

"You're more than beginning -- you're learning to fly;
 You feel like you're falling, but it passes in time...."
			"From Me to You", Janis Ian
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Soprano (Lydia M. Uribe)                      uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu |
| Claremont, CA                                         uribe@HMCVAX.BITNET |
|           Cats, quilts and diving -- what more could anyone ask?          |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Recovery Goals?
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 00:04:58 GMT

anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika) writes:

>I was having a recent conversation with a friend of mine about this weird
>analogy/thought I came up with...


>	I walked over a sewer
>	grating and thought of King's book "IT" and found myself wondering...
>	If the story had been finished when they were children, and there was
>	no need to remember it, which one would be the one who had really
>	recovered from it? The one who avoided sewer grates, or the one who
>	always walked by them and looked to make sure nothing was coming back?
>	Seems to me we should never forget what happened. Maybe your case is
>	different. Seems like it is. But if those of us with the childhood 
>	memories think we're healed when we cease thinking about it, who will
>	be the guardian of our children? Who will be willing to look at the
>	situtation truthfully and say, "That is abuse?" If we put it behind
>	us completely, won't we be unwilling to see it if it returns?
>	(For those who don't know, the evil thing in "IT" comes through the
>	sewer gratings and was often visible, only no one ever looked.)

>My friend is also a survivor, by the way, but he never repressed the memory of
>the abuse which happened to him at a later date. (Hence the childhood memory
>comment.) His response was that no one in the above example is recovered. The
>only one who's recovered is the one who can walk over the sewer grating and
>not think about it.

>What do you guys think? (Feel free to make another analogy if this one doesn't
>work for you.) Thinking about my goals in this recovery business is new to me.
>It never seemed possible I'd make it through, much less have goals about it,
>but do you guys have any opinion on the optimal way to view this in the
>future? Right now I'm not sure.

i disagree with your friend.  the person who walks over the grating and doesn't
think about it is still in danger from the "it".  there are abusers out there,
even now that we're grown-ups.  if you go walking over sewer grates not looking
for what might be in them, imho you are denying that there are dangerous people
in the world.  i would say that the most healed person is the one who walks
over the grate (has overcome their fear of that situation, and doesn't let it
affect their plans) but looks back to make sure it's safe (doesn't give the
abusers the chance to abuse them again).

yes, it sure seems like healing would be equivalent to dealing with the sewer
grate as if nothing remarkable had ever happened to you from a sewer grate, but
i don't think that's really true.


-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery