From: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: academic work
Date: 20 Dec 1992 17:14:26 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


I can't do it.  I simply can't.  I only took two classes this semester and
one of them wasn't a 'real' academic course, it was run by a student and was
pretty relaxed.  And for the other one, Intro to Women's Studies, I have 
barely been able to get my work done for that, and it has all either been
very not even close to what I have been capable of before (when I had to
write papers I put them off and put them off and then wrote for about an
hour & didn't look at what I wrote & didn't even attempt to make it be a
coherant paper) and when we had to do a project we wrote poetry.  mostly 
about incest.

we have this take home final exam.  It was due a couple days ago.  We tried
to start writing it tonight.  We wrote about two sentences then walked 
around the house trying to find violent and sadistic fiction to read, trying
to find unhealthy food to stuff in ourself, thinking about getting drunk
crying and screaming and saying I couldn't do it and GO AWAY and I starting
fucking think about killing myself becaues I can't write this stupid paper
and I don't know what to do, it is too late to get an incomplete and even if
I did I doubt giving myself a little more time would help

I keep crying i don't know what to do.  i remember feeling like this before
but I can't remember when and I don't know why trying to write a paper is
producing this.  I feel like that time I got hysterical when my baby sitter
wanted me to go to bed and I kept protesting that it was too early and I 
wanted to stay up and watch TV and I cried myself ill and she left me alone
because I was crying too hard and after I calmed down she brought me a glass
of water and I have always remembered the importance of sipping on a glass
of water after I have been really upset.

i don' tknow what is going on I don't know what to do i don't know help help
and all it is is a stupid paper and a stupid class and all that would happen
if I didn't pass it would be getting suspended again which I could probably
deal with.

i don't know if I want to continue in school.  I seem to not be able to do
school work.  every time I have tried to write a paper I get really upset and
I feel like I can't do it anymore and maybe I can't and maybe thats okay 
and I feel like I should be able to write a stupid paper, six pages, four
on writing about the social construction and the intersection of race and
sexuality and the other two pages on compulsory heterosexuality (or 
alternatively on the ways women experience gender inequality in the workplace)
but I can't do anything and I don't kow what to do, i used to just be able 
to whip off papers and not give a shit but i feel so stuck.  i feel so useless
goddess I just fell out of my chair and tried to throw up i think i'm really
not okay.  i just want to do the stupid paper.  this is the first time I 
think I seriously would like to cheat and get someone else to write my paper
for me because I don't want to fail but I don't think I can do this.

i'm sorry.  i t hink maybe i should go put spoiler warnings in the beginning
of this, oh gods i'm not okay.  maybe my mom was right about if i took time
off from school i would never go back.  maybe i'm just not ready to go back.
i don't know i do know what what to do .  that do know was supposed to be
a don't know.

us peoples


--
** Anonymity & Privacy by PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) **

anon.admin@pax.tpa.com.au (a human)    anon.info@pax.tpa.com.au   (for help)
anon.ping@pax.tpa.com.au  (get alias)  anon.key@pax.tpa.com.au    (register key)
anon.###@pax.tpa.com.au   (reply)      anon.post.g@pax.tpa.com.au (post to g)
anon.list@pax.tpa.com.au  (to mailing list)
anon.subscribe@pax.tpa.com.au          anon.unsubscribe@pax.tpa.com.au

For dialup Unix access phone +61-8-235-9010 - online registration.