From: matth@wheaton.edu (Matthew Hayward)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Yes I do have the script to the Argument Clinic
Date: 8 Apr 92 01:30:18 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Wheaton College

J: Ah, I'd like to have an argument.
M: Certainly Sir, have you been here before?
J: No, I haven't this is my first time.
M: I see, well, do you want to have just one argument or were you thinking
of taking a cource?
J: What is the cost?
M: Well it's one pound for a five minuet argument, but only eight pounds for
a cource of ten.
J: Well, I think it would be best if I just started with the five minuets
and see how it goes.
M: Fine, I'll see whose free at the moment, ah .... Mr. Barkly is free, but
he's a bit conciliatory... ah yes , try Mr.  Barnhard, room 12.
J: Thank you.
1st prof.: What do you want?
J: Well, I was told outside that....
1: Don't give me that you snotty faced heap of parrot droppings...
J: WHAT????
1: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really mekes me puke you
vacous coffee nosed heap of parrot droppings...  
J: I came here for an argument..I..
1: Oh, Oh, I am terribly sorry, but this is abuse.
J: Oh I see, well that would explain it.
1: Yes, you want room 12a just along the corridor...
J: Oh, thank you very much sir, sorry.
1: Not at all...
J: Thank you.
1: Stupid Git!
2nd prof.: Come in...
J: Is this the right room for an argument?
2: I told you once!
J: No you haven't...
2: Yes I have...
J: When?
2: Just now!
J: No you didn't...
2: I did!
J: Didn't
2: DID!
J: DIDN'T!
2: I'm telling I did--oh, just a minute...is this the five minute argument
or the full half-hour?
J: Just, um, the five minuets...
2: Oh, yeah, thank you--anyway I did!
J: You most certainly did not!
2: Look, lets get this thing clear, I quite definatly told you.
J: No you did not!
2: I did!
J: No you didn't...
2: Yes I did!
J: ""
2: ""
J: ""
2: ""
J: You didn't!
2: DID!
J: Well, look...this isn't an argument.
2: Yes it is.
J: No, it isn't...it's just contradiction.
2: No it isn't
J: It is.
2: It is not.
J: Look, you just contradicted me!
2: I did not.
J: Oh, you did!
2: NO, NO, NO!
J: You did, just then...
2: Nonsense!
J: Oh, this is futile!
2: No it isn't.
J: I came here for a good argument!
2: No you didn't, you came here for an argument.
J: Well, an argument isn't just contradition.
2: Can be.
J: No it can't... an argument is a connected series of statements intended
to establish a proposition.
2: No it isn't.
J: Yes it is.  It isn't just contradiction.
2: Look, If I argue with you I must take up a contrary stand.
J: Yes, but thats not just saying no it isn't.
2: Yes it is!
J: No it isn't... an argument is an intellectual process, contradiction is
just the automatic gamesaying of any statement the other person makes.
2: No it isn't.
J: Yes it is.
2: Not at all!
J: Now look 
DING
2: Good morning.
J: What?!?
2: That's it, good morning.
J: I was just getting interested.
2: Sorry but your five minutes are up.
J: That was never five minutes.
2: I'm afraid it was.
J: It wasn't!
2: I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
J: WHAT?
2: If you want to go on arguing you'll have to pay for another five minuets.
J: Yes, but that was never five minuets just now! Oh come on!
2: Hmmmmmm Hmmmmmmm Hmmmmm
J: Look this is ridiculous.
2: I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
J: Oh, all right... ( hands him money )
2: Thank you!
J: Well?
2: Well what?
J: That wasn't really five minutes just now.
2: I told you I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
J: I just paid!
2: No you didn't!
J: Look, I dont want to argue about that!
2: Well you didn't pay!
J: AH HAH! If I didn't pay then why are you arguing... I've got you!
2: No you haven't...
J: Yes, I have! If your arguing, I must have paid!
2: Not necessarily... I could be arguing on my spare time.
J: Oh, I've had enough of this!
2: No you haven't1
J: Oh, SHUT UP!!! I want to complain..
2: You want to complain, look at these shoes, I've had them three weeks and
the heels are already worn through!
J: No, I want to complain about...
2: If you complain, nothing happens, you might as well not bother and my
back hurts every minute of the day and I'm sick and tired of this office.
( leavs office and enters another where his is hit with a broom on the head)
J: Hello, I want to    OWWWWWW
3rd prof.: No, No, No, hold your head like this, then go WAH! Try it again.
( gets hit again )
J: OWWWW!!!!!!
3: Betta,( wierd accent )betta, but WAH WAH, put your hand there, now.
J: WAHHHHHHH!
3: Wah, good, that's it!
J: Stop hitting me!
3: Stop hitting you?
J: YES!!!!
3: Well why did you come here then?
J: I just wanted to complain!
3: Oh, on.  That's next door... this is being hit on the head lessons.
J: Being hit on the head lessons? That's ridiculous... this entire place is
insane.  I think I'm going to have to shoot you!
3: Medeval Weaponry is down the hall sir... BANG Good Shot!

This is to the best of my recolection, maybe this will kill the thread
Please forgive spelling puncuation grammer ect.
Newsgroups: rec.humor