From: boesch@cs.washington.edu (Eric Boesch)
Subject: Re: Stop lights
Organization: Bull Milking Dept., Special Sauce Bureau, McDonald's
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 92 14:24:11 GMT

judson@watserv.ucr.edu (Michael Judson) writes:
>What I really hate is when you're stopped at a stoplight because it's red,
>the other side is green, and absolutely nobody is on the other side.
>Why should you have to wait for the light to change?????????????

Is this a trick question?  Running red lights is a sin.

	   The Pharisees then asked, "Which of these
	   commandments is the most important?"  Jesus
	   replied, "The greatest of these commandments is
	   that you obey local traffic codes."

(BTW, "Road to Nowhere" includes a bit where someone runs out of gas
while trying to raise the nerve to run a red light.)

I'm sorry, did you want a serious answer?  I'll try again.

---
You should wait at the stoplight because otherwise you'll be very
sorry.  God is always watching and he carries a video camera.

I got my proof of that at the college graduation ceremony.  The dean
said he had a surprise for us when the lights dimmed and movie screen
came down.  He called the first boy's name, shook his hand, and gave
him the diploma.  Then a film came up of the boy running a red light
in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere.  It looked really
cool like you were looking through night-vision goggles -- God has
some really cool equipment I guess.  The cinematography was cool too --
it was from the sky, but I could tell it wasn't a crane shot or a
helicopter shot, it was a God shot.

Boy howdy did that kid screeeaaaaaammm when they snatched that diploma
right back and said "Sorry, maybe next time!"  Because nobody knew
that a screening of the worst thing you had ever done was going to be
part of the ceremony.  The girl who was next in line ran away and
everyone was screaming and bawling and arguing and soon all the kids
in their caps and gowns were running to the exit.

Then it was my turn because all the other kids had left.  I knew what
was coming next and golly was I nervous!  I prayed to God for strength
but he said "It wasn't Me who got you in this mess."  So there were
Mom and Dad and the Dean watching a film of six-year-old me watching
Saturday morning cartoons instead of doing chores!

So Mom and Dad don't trust me any more.  That diploma wasn't worth the
thousands of whippings I got in the years afterwards, but, you see,
God already knew what I had done and he wouldn't want me to hide the
truth any longer.  I always keep in mind the hundredfold: no matter
how bad a whuppin Mom and Dad will give me if I fess up, God will give
me one that's a hundred times worse if I don't.

The dean was really pretty nice about it though.  He congratulated me
on being the first person ever to graduate and then we went back to
the projector room and he gave me all the videotapes showing the nasty
things all the other students had done.  He knew I would be a good
guardian for the tapes and I would never use them for titillation.
But if one of those kids tries to run for public office then the
public will get an eyeful of God's wrath.

--

Oh, you all have the wrong attitude about the "Finals Dream".  That
dream is relatively sin-free as dreams go, _plus_ if it wakes you up,
then it's keeping you from further nocturnal sinning and gives you an
opportunity to get some more work done.  Have you thought that the
dream might just a message from God saying "Quit dreaming these
depraved sinful dreams?"  Perhaps you have dreamt of sex or violence
too, hmm?  By comparison, a dream about sex typically involves misuse
of one's reproductive capabilites plus adultery (unless you dream
about your wife) and rape (unless you get permission to dream about
that person first, and in that case you're guilty of conspiring to
commit a sin).
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