From: lewis@aera8700.mitre.org (Keith Lewis)
Subject: Re: The worst Christmas in the history of Mankind.m)
Organization: The MITRE Corporation
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 16:50:05 GMT

In article <1992Dec22.072629.26666@ucsu.Colorado.EDU>, rakowski@rintintin.Colorado.EDU (Calvin) writes:
>Heya, Y'all...
>Lemmie tell ya a really neat Christmas story.

(rec.arts.poems deleted from Newsgroups list)

>other guys room..  I had one bottle of 'Mickeys', and two about
>24 oz. glasses of 1/2 Southern Comfort, and 1/2 Coke.. After

So you polished off an entire fifth yourself, eh?  What follows is quite
predictable...

>that, we went out to go to a party at another dorm.  From that
>point, I remember nothing.  From what I hear, I pissed alot of
>people off, they kicked me out of the room.. And when I was on my
>way back to my dorm, I slipped, and hit my head on the ground..
>Ended up with a 3 inch gash in the back of my head.  Well, mostly
>'cuz I pissed alot of people off (I guess) they called '911'..

You were probably passed out (before or after you hit the ground).  My guess
is they were quite reasonably concerned you would die from alcohol or
hitting your head or both.

>But, from what I hear, I expressed "suicidal tendencies", and
>that was one of the main reasons they kept me there overnight.
>They had some psycho-bitch do an evaluation on me, and she found
>me to be "Clinically Depressive" which basically means, I'm not
>good enough to be Manically depressive.. but I'm just depressed..

Actually, Manic-Depressive Disorder means you cycle through alternate stages
of depression and "mania".  Mope for a while, go nuts for a while, mope, go
nuts...  It sounds like you're just plain depressed, maybe just temporarily.

>My personality is that I'm sarcastic all the time, and this 
>psycho-person told me this was a way of me shielding myself from
>the outside world.  

Hee-hee.  And your denial of your lust for your mother and hate for your
father isn't helping either.  That'll be $200.  :^)

>speeding ticket.. I was going 54 in a 40.  Man, I cant think of

Hmmmm.  What are the cop rules for use of deadly force?  Whip out a cap gun
when you're pulled over for speeding?  That might be a good method of
suicide, especially if you hate cops.  

>Well, I'll catch you all laters.. Have a great Christmas, 
>at least better than mine.. (hard to have a worse one, huh?  
>If there was ANY christmas I would kill myself, this would be it,
>so If I live till Friday, I'll consider myself lucky)  
>C'y'all laters...

You've got enough money to go to college, a car, a caring family, and a
fifth of whiskey; and you're having a lousy holiday? 

A little self-management goes a long way.  Next semester you can study
harder or change to an easier major.  And you now know how much alcohol is
too much.  Then again, if you decide to chuck it all, try my latest method:

1.  Put a 200-foot coil of rope in the back seat of your car.
2.  Tie one end to something solid (large tree, another car, fire hydrant).
3.  Tie the other end around your neck.
4.  Fasten your safety belt.
5.  VRRROOOOOOOOMMMMM!

Keith Lewis             klewis@mitre.org          "Mr. Cheap"
I don't dance to music; music dances to me.  Email me for my PGP key.
The above may not (yet) represent the opinions of my employer.
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