From: SENDIAA@YaleVM.YCC.Yale.Edu
Subject: Re: My lambda, now broken from desuetude.
Organization: Yale University
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 93 01:35:52 EST

In article <1993Jan21.031854.27081@tc.cornell.edu>
mdw@db.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh) writes:
 
>
>Fade to a decrepit New Jersey or New York City railroad station, 19th
>century motif, rotting leather upholstry en masse.
 
first ans filmscript...need eleven toes to count the genres now...
 
>"Whoa, Jake. Apricot massage oil. What does this mean?"
>"Not much. In fact, I'm not sure why it's in there---"
>
>Jacob snatches the gift away, embarassed.
 
And well he should be. I too would be embarrassed if I hydrated a colon.
 
>"With the hapless denizens of your generation sending me letter after
>letter of pathetic sex-crazed expose', I'm not surprised."
>
>"You're so palpable, Raphael. So palpable. I think that massage oil was a
>mistake, maybe an anachronism, maybe some kind of gift for the future, love
>in absentia..."
 
Typo alert: Matt meant, "in abstentia." Raphael was a nun, like me.
 
>"Last night I was reading a wonderful romance by Lillith Frances Van
>Grovensburgstien, and it reminded me of you. 'In absentia', indeed. I had a
>dream about flowers and children's undergarments, automatic dishwashers,
>houseflies..."
 
Ja, ik heb het ook gelezen. Een leuk verhaal. Jawel, heus waar. Dat zegt toch
die Welsh. Hij kan je nog meer vertellen, als je meer weten wilt. Hartstikke
leuk. En gezellig, met drop en boterham daarbij.
 
>"Do you think I care? Good lord, get a hold of yourself. I've quite had it,
>being in the legal business and all, with these endless tirades, your waning
>garbage--"
>
>Jacob leans over and lights a cigarette. The brand name is clear on the side
>of the filter: Montclair Lights. Montclair Lights run at about $0.90/pack in
>New Jersey or New York or South Dakota. Jacob looks up, angrily, at his
>counterpart and a dramatic drawn-out pause in the conversation is taken,
>making a point to be almost, but not quite, emotional.
>
>"Jake, you're not paying attention."
>
>"I never pay attention in train stations."
 
Matt must have read Tolstoy. Because he could not have mentioned train stations
without being aware of the Russian tradition surrounding the "vokzal," the
untranslatable rough Russian equivalent of the train station. Anna Karenina,
Kreutzer Sonata... the train station implies the Irreversability of Time and
Fate. Do you have another opinion?
 
>"Pay attention. This dream--- it was more like a vision, not a waking dream,
>but it was all too clear. Everything about it, all domestic, living at home,
>washing clothes and mopping the floor, it's obvious."
 
Of course it's Obvious. Any dream about cleaning means Guilt. With a capital G.
Which of course is in turn a reference to Gooley...
 
>"Obvious, you mean, with or without calling your 1-900 Psychic line?"
>
>"With. That's not the point, Jake. I'm... I'm going to California or Utah.
>I'm going to work for Alfonso again."
>
>Raphael folds his newspaper, and a photograph of some unnamed Canadian
>hockey team is consipicuously exposed.
>
>"Alfonso. You dog."
 
Yep, says Alfonso, and I hate it when they feed me those pellets of bread.
There's nothing more unpalatable.
 
>"Alfonso was never anything _but_ good to me, and you know it. And I still
>feel that there's nothing more exciting than weaving dhotis for the tribe
>back home."
>
>"Alfonso singlehandedly killed off three-quarters of my extended family, and
>Jacob takes a long drag from his dwindling cigarette. This is done as
>emphatically as possible, with a closeup of the exhalation to top off the
>effect.
 
Dear Alfonso. D'Alfonso. D'Alonso. D'Alonsol. Di Lonsol. Di Eon Sol. Die 'n
Sol. Die Sol. Diesel. What can I say except that thou art a scoundrel. Don thy
long johns and thy bible belt and repent. good dog. there now. down boy. stay.
no, actually, I take that back, because...
 
>Suddenly a large red sign lights up in the back of the smoky, dank train
>station: NUCLEAR ATTACK. Raphael and Jacob nonchanantly check their
>personal geiger counters before removing full-body radiation survival
>suits from their respective suitcases and putting them on. The rest of the
>patrons in the station are seen to be doing the same thing, all in the same
>humdrum fashion. Without skipping a beat, the conversation continues.
 
Scary thought. That in a moment of ultimate crisis, everyone does THE SAME
THING. At the same time. Man, a time to get a band together....
 
>"Jake, you and your extended family can take a long walk off a short
>intranuclear synapse for all I care. I've been working like a horse for
>Big Larry Mo and his kingpin friends for the last 340 months, and, frankly,
>I'm tired of it. Alfonso's seems like a paradise compared to this... this..."
>
>"Paradise?"
>
>Jacob suddenly realizes that he's still smoking the cigarette inside of the
>radiation-safe helmet, and has to unzip the entire styrofoam-armor suit
>to remove it. Annoyed, he zips himself back up just as the NUCLEAR
>ATTACK sign goes out and is replaced by a large red NO SMOKING sign.
 
Yes indeed, I completely agree. What could conceivably happen in the event of
nuclear alarm is now taking place, to the same degree of insanely unquestioning
conformity, in the anti-smoking campaign. Yes. Those who do not smoke are the
rhinoceri who indeed want everyone else to be rhinoceri just like them and even
though they donate a quarter a year to UNESCO they are acually right-winged,
and not in the least bit recently so. Inherently so, since they proclaim a
smoke-free environment but actually want stifling offices without freedom and
without smoke.
 
>"Raphael?"
>
>"What is it?"
>
>"Do you think Keiko really did kill the Vulcan ambassador in last week's show?"
>
>"I don't know, Jake. I just don't know."
 
Me neither.
 
Diana
 
"And that's about it. No shoelaces."
Xref: sparky alt.non.sequitur:968 alt.slack:3819 rec.pets.cats:16529 alt.religion.kibology:5966 alt.usage.english:10915