From: uphrrmk@Msu.oscs.montana.edu (Me)
Subject: Re: Coming out to Parents (was books for new pagans)
Reply-To: uphrrmk@Msu.oscs.montana.edu (Me)
Organization: Montana State University
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 20:26:44 GMT

In article <1992Sep11.005206.1661@lmt.mn.org>, ciaran@county.lmt.mn.org (Ciaran Benson) writes:
>In article <lasabdINNdti@aludra.usc.edu>, eburke@aludra.usc.edu (Kethry) 
>writes:
>> 
>>Lucky you that you can soften your parents up with books.  I just started
>>learning the Craft a couple of months ago, although I have been interested
>>in it for years.  I have lots of fiction books that could soften them up
>>if they were responsive (Mercedes Lackey's books about Valdemar and such 
>>are good ones, although I'm not so sure about her Diana Tregarde novels).
>>The DT novels are good to read and my parents loved them, but that doesn't
>>change their attitude.  I slipped and said something about why I've been
>>burning yellow candles (another long story for later), and they decided that
>>no one is allowed to burn candles in the house.  They also told my sister
>>that while they don't care who believes what in the house, they wil not 
>>allow the practice of any religion other than X-ianity in the house.  They
>>won't come to me directly about it (I think they're afraid of me, although
>>I don't give them any reason to be nor will they come and ask me about 
>>anything
>>they are basing their actions on there own suspicions.)  The reason they
>>went to my sister is because she did a school project on Satanism, although
>>she is not interested in it as a religion........Also, they knew that she
>>would come directly to me thereby avoiding a confrontation..."
>
>  This is very sad, and very unfortunate.  Your parents are missing an
>important part of your life, and I have so many friends who are in the
>same boat that I have to say it sounds like it's very common.
>
>  My partner's parents are very much like you describe your's.
>They're OK with us being Pagans, just so long as we never, never,
>never use the "W" word around them.
>
>  And so long as we never mention that we worship a Goddess.
>
>  With my folks, it worked out really well because the kind of worship
>that I do is fairly close to what my mother's grandparents did.
>
>  In fact, when my grandmother found out that I was getting handfasted,
>she got real serious and asked; "so, what religion is she?", and I told
>her Pagan, waiting for some disapproving remark since I'd never talked
>with her at that point about my Paganism.
>
>  But she smiles really big and pats me on the sholder and says; "Thank
>God, I was afraid that she was Catholic".
>
>  (My appologies to any Catholics ... my grandmother's had some really bad
>experiences with "the church").
>
>  We got handfasted in a national park nearby, and of course all of the
>relatives who we DIDN'T invite showed up.  They got quite a show.  I
>still don't exist as far as most of my father's family is concerned.
>
>  For the most part, I've had to live with the "family is by the heart, not
>the blood" philosophy, and just move away (not hard to do in my case).
>
>  As long as you're living with your parents, though, I'd suggest that
>you do whatever's necessary to not upset them, no matter how much  you may be
>uncomfortable.  And also, be very, very, very careful about where you
>do practice, if at all -- I couldn't tell how young you were in the post,
>but if your parents for some reason get the idea that you can be "cured",
>and you are still not legally an adult, they can probably make your life
>very miserable.  Candles are very obvious, and inscense is impossible
>to hide.  If you want to keep practicing your religion, you might do
>well to at least accept the letter of their law, and do it somewhere
>else -- or find a compatible religion which you can practice and which
>might settle your parent's fears (in my case it was Buddhism).
>
>  Please be careful, and take care of yourself.
>
>  And be gentle with your parents, it sounds like they're going to need a
>long time to even discuss your beliefs.
>
>  Blessed be, Ciaran.
  Ciaran, You sound very wise.  I'm grateful that you posted this.  I'm the 
twenty-one year-old who was trying to recommend books, too.  Lately I've had a
terrible time with myself, because recently I've made the decision to break 
away for good from my entire family.  The hardest part of this is weighing
out how much you can honor your parent/s when you're not very close to them, 
and what consists of duty to a family who really doesn't care that much about 
what happens to you; save that it makes interesting gossip at family functions.
I've had to learn the hard way that family is truly the ones in your heart,
not the ones that birthed you.  (My family doesn't know that I'm Pagan, and
the grief I get for little, stupid things is enough in and of its own to make 
me not want to deal with my family if I can avoid it.  Let's hope the person in
question has better luck with his folks.)

                              Blessed be the ones that love us,

                              La Morte.
>  $uslinit; include oblig.sig <<
>  "...And here, Queen Aphrodite, pour heavenly nectar into gold
>   cups, and fill them gracefully with sudden joy."  -- Sappho >>
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