From: jdavidso@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu  (Jeff Davidson)
Subject: Re: LATE LAST NITE
Reply-To: jdavidso@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu
Organization: Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 19:26:42 GMT


I truly think this guy posted to the wrong newsgroup. I found this in alt.sex,  
and decided to share with the t.b.'ers




In article <1992Apr14.165512.7413@waikato.ac.nz> spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon  
Travaglia) writes:
> 
> So I'm cruising, trying to pick up a score, right, only I'm not too good at
> it; and being on weekend release I haven't got the time to go to a bar and
> try and score someone with deep personal problems who would jump into bed  
with
> anyone who pretends to be the caring understanding type, besides which I've
> got "Criminally Insane" tattooed on my forehead in big state-approved letters
> and it does tend to ruin the moment.
> 
> So anyway, I'm on my 6th brothel, and I still can't find that "certain-
> something" that they write songs about; the face, the poise, the bearing,
> the charm, the all-you-can-suck-for-six-fifty.
> 
> So I keep cruising, and it looks like I'm going to have to go mainstream,
> actually talk to a real woman.  I hate it when this happens cos I always
> remember back to my catholic school and Sister Juliana and her whistle
> who used to slap me across my legs, and her rustling habit, and the way
> her chest used to lift slightly when she breathed.  I always hated that too.
> The breathing.  If only she'd stopped.  The chest moving did nothing for me
> either.   So I go to a ritzy little place with pastel colours and the sort
> of bouncers that'll take $20 to let you to the front of the queue so that you
> get in and find that there's no-one there - the place is closed and the  
queue's
> just the staff waiting for their severance pay. 
> 
> So I go next door, $20 poorer, which is really putting the pressure on as
> I'm under no delusions about my looks, I'm no Tom Lehrer - I used to have to
> pay my mother up front for breastfeeding, but what the hell, I was in high
> school at the time.  I get next door and it's what Tom Cruise would call a
> TRI, Target Rich Environment. 
> 
> I don't like my chances much, but there's a woman in the corner with a
> revolver to her head, so I figure she's got nothing to lose...
> 
> "I've got a red Lada" I say, and then I remember that I was supposed to lie.
> "I come round here often" I say, trying to cover up " usually in the toilets
> at the end of the night"
> Struck out twice.  No worries, my brother Paul told me how to score and I
> wrote it down so as not to get it wrong.  I read it out, and she looks like
> she's made her decision.  I learn down to kiss her and hope that the chewing
> gum will hold my teeth in..
> 
> ....
> 
> ....I wipe her brains off my jacket as the Police arrive, and the TV crew  
wants
> to talk to me only the cops won't let them yet, so I make an appointment to
> see them tommorrow for Oprah's "OPRAH & Teenage Suicide, why it happens
> so much during the show".  
> 
> A TV groupie attaches to me immediately, and I know my night is made.
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>        *  *		It's:   	"SPLAT - MY CAT!"
>      -//-//-_ 		
>    +>\        --__	Slower than a speeding DATSUN 180B.   Much slower.
>    +>/       _------__  Mortally slower, one might say.    Rest in Peices.
>      -\\-\\--		spt@waikato.ac.nz.  		Fax: 064 7 8384066
>        *  *		University of Waikato, Private Bag 3105, Hamilton, NZ
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Workers of the world, arise!  You have nothing to lose but your chairs.

the Lost Cause
jdavidso@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu
Jeff Davidson (hardware guy extraordinaire)
--
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Your admirers in the street , got to hoot and stamp their feet, in the heat 
from your physique, as you twinkle by  in moccasin sneakers.   And I thought
my heart would  break, when you doubled up the stake,  with your fingers
all ashake;   You could never tell a winner......from a snake.  
          King Crimson---Easy Money/Larks'  Tongues in Aspic (1973)  
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Newsgroups: talk.bizarre