Newsgroups: soc.bi,soc.motss
From: dgilly@us.oracle.com (Daniel Gilly)
Subject: Re: My 5-year HS Reunion... the results!
Summary: coming out casually at interviews can be fun
Organization: Oracle Corporation, Redwood Shores CA 94065
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 02:25:04 GMT
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Great story, Tom.  Thanks for posting this.

I'm reminded of my own HS reunion in August '91, as well as some
stories about coming out during job interviews.

First, some comments:

> If they asked, "What kind of activism?" I told them flat out.  I
> got really good reactions from everyone.  It always was that smooth
> "matter-of-fact" coming out that is always accepted really well.

Amazing but true, isn't it?  Many times, people are relying on 
clues from us as to how to react.  If you introduce the topic by saying,
for example, "I have something important to tell you," and then
whisk the person off to a corner, your announcement sounds like 
you're confiding a terrible skeleton in your closet.  I get a big
kick out of the various casual ways I've managed to clue people in.
(I talk about this further on.)
Of course, it's easier when you can talk about an SO or about queer
activism.  

> If they asked, "Are you married?" I told them that my BOYFRIEND
> couldn't make it.  "Do you live alone?", "No my BOYFRIEND and I
> live in Central Jersey." that kind of thing.  Again, all positive
> outcomes!

That's great!  "Boyfriend" wouldn't fit Bob too well, so I generally
use "my SO Bob" or "my partner Bob" when I want to come out in
conversation.  Either that, or leave off his name but then use a "he"
or "him" in the next sentence to make the gender clear.  The 2nd
approach has a certain pacing or subtlety that works for me.

> All the "proud crowd" (the nickname for the popular clique) was
> there.  Some of them were really confused by my button.  Finally
> someone (Amy) came up to me and said, "Doug and those guys want to
> know what your button means and I told them that they need to grow
> up." She then came out to me :-) and we had a grand old time
> talking about things.

I'm curious about the reputation of this "prowd crowd."  Were they
self-centered jerks, putting down anyone who wasn't "in"?  Or were they
popular because they were friendly to everybody?  I guess I'd like to
know how they treated you back when you were in school, and whether
you're saying here that their attitude hadn't changed a bit.

At my *five* year reunion, I found that 50% of the jerks had matured but
50% were still jerks.  At my ten year, more (but still not all) 
of the jerks had mellowed.

> I got to talk with Amanda Zwacky,

Really!?  She sort of sounds like a past (or past-perfect ?) 
relative of Arnold Zwicky's ?  :-)


As for me, I attended my 10-year HS reunion in August 1991.
I did not use the opportunity to come out to anyone, however.
I had come out to myself only 4-5 months before.  My 2 best friends
(who attended the reunion with me) knew already, as did one
teacher I've kept in touch with, who we met at the reunion.
(or is it "whom we met at the reunion"? )

Several months ago, however, I found myself coming out to 
prospective employers during job interviews.  Initially I was
nervous, but as I got more interviews under my belt, I had the
pleasure of observing matter-of-fact reactions to my matter-of-fact
coming out.  It was rather easy, actually, since invariably I was
asked to recount the same story.  Whether the question was, "Why
did you quit your job?" or "Why did you move to California?",
it was a golden opportunity to tell them that my SO had been
transferred, that I had moved out with *him*, etc., etc.
No one ever flinched.  Several people even smiled appreciatively.
It felt great!  

So I can understand the rush you felt at your reunion, and I'm glad
it worked out well for you!

Cheers!
   Daniel
-- 
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Daniel Gilly                                 Oracle Corporation
dgilly@us.oracle.com                         Redwood Shores, CA
Newsgroups: soc.bi,soc.motss