From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: H*ll of a situation!
Date: 13 Nov 92 19:31:19 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1992Nov12.163019.1802@ccsvax.sfasu.edu> z_arthurjk@ccsvax.sfasu.edu writes:
>I haven't met a nice young woman to have a rewarding relationship
>with in over two years.  Love just isn't on my side.  I'm sort of shy
>around women but I don't think that's the main problem.  
>
"You have to kiss a lot of toads to meet a prince." That line was
written with a women in mind, but the same advice goes for men. You
have to met a whole lot of women to find one that suits you. It is
harder if you are shy, but there is no way around it.

>                                                         People
>have given me a number of answers to this situation.  
>Among them are:
>
>1.  I'm too nice of a guy and I should start being more of a bastard.
>  
Bad advice if you are looking for 'a nice young woman' and 'a rewarding
relationship'.  It might be good advice if you are interested in
quick relationships, or you are attracted to women who fall into the
martyr trap (not 'a nice young woman' in my book).

>2.  There are no really nice women around anymore.
>
I can vouch that there are plenty of nice women around. The problem is
meeting them. There are so many other people around, and unattached
women (especially 'nice' ones) tend not to get too far from familiar
surroundings.

>3.  Women think my personality is to good to be true.
>
I occasionally get this. Generally, it means that the other person
has a low opinion of themselves, and thus of other people. They 
think that someone who acts 'good' is just trying to con them.
If they aren't too stuck in this sort of thinking, you can win
them over by being yourself long enough that they get used to
the idea.

>4.  Because of my good looks and personality, women assume that
>    I'm already taken.(Don't laugh...I've actually been told this
>    by some of them)
>
It is usually to your advantage to have the woman get to know you
before she knows you are available. If the woman thinks you are
taken, she will feel more comfortable talking to you and getting
to know you. And the better she knows you before she thinks about
getting involved (even going on a date), the better the chances
that she will want to get involved. If you are at an age when
most people are not married, then asking her out should be enough
of a hint. If you are old enough that people might assume you are
married, you might let drop some (positive!) comments about dating
or single life so she knows you aren't married before asking her
out. Actually this might not be a bad idea in any case.


>This is one h*ll of a situation to be in!
>What, if anything, can I do to get out of this predicament?
>This is not a joke! I'm serious.
>
>Jay
>
Make yourself available. Pick a level you are comfortable with, so you
don't over do it, but get out as much as you can and socialize. Think
of it as practice. Find activities that you enjoy which can be shared
with other people. Try to meet as many people as you can. Don't be
picky, talk to men, women and children, not just women, and not just
women who seem to fit your needs. This does a number things:

You get practice dealing with people you don't know, which will come in
handy when you meet someone special.

Other people meet you. They can tell their unattached women friends
that they should meet you.

When you meet someone special, you will be busy. This may sound like a
bad idea, but if you find someone special, and there is nothing else
going on in your social life, it will be easy to look like you are
desperate, and in a rush to get involved. This can scare away your
potential SO. No one likes to be rushed into commitment.

Good Luck,
Michael.