From: shekhar@zeus.tamu.edu (Sharat Shekhar)
Subject: WOODY ALLENISMS PLEASE !!!!!!
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Texas A&M University, Academic Computing Services
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 20:35:00 GMT

	Hey, Folks

	  Lets not forget Woody Allen for what he is - one of the most
brilliant humorists of all time. 
	So I would like to suggest a series of Allenisms -
quotes and lines from his 3 hilllllllarious books and several movies.
	Heres my starting contribution and I hope more follow :


	C'MON FOLKS LETS MAKE THIS WOODY ALLEN WEEK !!!!!


		     ( Some quotes are paraphrased )

	          ( All parenthesised remarks are mine )

	* Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on Sundays.

	* Being able to travel at the speed of light is questionable and 
	  certainly not very desirable, as one's hat keeps flying off.

	* ... any Cigar-shaped spacecraft thats capable of accelerating at 
	  12000 miles/sec would require the kind of maintainace and sparkplugs 
	  available only on Pluto.

	* The lion and the lamb shall lie down together, but the lamb wont
 	  get much sleep.

	* He who does not die of famine or by sword shall die of pestilence,
	  so why bother shaving ?

	*  ... and with that he left me at the table with a smile and a dinner
	  check that looked like the tab for an aircraft carrier.

	* ... so fat he could not get through the average doorframe without 
	  the aid of a crowbar.

	* .... for 5 years he carried on an illicit affair with the Burgo-
	  master's wife until SHE found out.

	* Man : Rabbi, whom did God love more, Moses or Abraham ?
          Rabbi : Abraham.
	  Man : But, Rabbi, Moses led us to the promised land ...
 	  Rabbi : OK, so Moses

	* .... I could have suggested Psycho-analysis, but nothing could be
          more alien to her Connecticut WASP upbringing than this obscure
          Jewish Science from Vienna

	* ( Describing a fraudulent Medium ) ... Madame Renaud's seances 
          had passed the most rigourous scientific evaluations with the 
	  minor exception of a phonograph that was found under her dress.

	* Mr J.C. Dubbs awoke from his sleep and at the foot of his bed, saw
	  the apparition of his brother, Amos.  ( J.C. Dubbs has a brother
						called AMOS ????!!!!!)

	* Rabbi xxxxxx was hailed as the wisest man of the rennaissance by 
	  his followers who totalled a sixteenth of one percent of the
	  population.

	* The Great Roe is a mythological beast with the body of a lion ....
	  ... and the head of a lion ..... though not the same lion.

	* ... a planet called quelm, so far away, that one travelling at the
	  speed of light would take 60 million years to get there, but now,
	  they're building an express route that'll take 2 hours off the trip.

	* .. my window-washer Lars, a lethargic menial with all the sensitivity
          of the Berlin wall. 

	BTW, we should stop endlessly castigating Allen for his recent
	""misdemeanors"" !!! - consider the enormity of his achievement :
	Its the first time in more than 2000 years that a Jew has hit it 
	off with a Farrow's daughter. (Say it aloud if it dosent make sense)

			- Sharat

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				Woof !!

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