HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 21:25:37 -0400 
From: Thomas Omar Smith <ts2a+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: Cease Fire

>    Could everyone please stop sending mail to my account. I'm calling
>a cease fire, and I want to appoligize to all the rec.humor netters for
>some of the  bashing I dished out. Looking back at it only few people really
>deserved and I should of done it offline. I would ask everyone not to post any
>crap into soc.culture.polish, check the groups before you post an article.
>
>
>thanks,
>
>mario s.

The sad part is, if he would have posted like this in the first place,
the entire flame war could have been avoided.

					Tom the non hacker
					Kemp in 96!
					"If patriotism is the last refuge
					of scoundrels,  Then environmentalism
					is the current refuge of totalitarians."
					Bob Jackson
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jxr1092@ritvax.isc.rit.edu (Jens Rodenberg)
Subject: Re: .ASCII PICS.
Reply-To: jxr1092@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Organization: Rochester Institute of Technology
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 00:18:35 GMT

In article <92241.013227ISSJXS@BYUVM.BITNET>, <ISSJXS@BYUVM.BITNET> writes:
>You guys are really lame.  I want
>"cool" ascii pics.  I know it takes
>some real imagination to come up
>with a tic tac toe board and a
>happy/not happy face.  But I want
>something creative.   Like Calvin and
>Hobbes or George Bush.

Here's one of your requests:

      ###############
       ######G######
        #####e#####
         ####o####
          ###r###
           ##g##
            #e#
             #

Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish
From: forda@gtephx.UUCP (Andrew Ford @ AGCS, Phoenix, Arizona)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Organization: gte
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 21:36:25 GMT

In article <1992Aug20.220742.5917@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com>, marios@ecs.comm.mot.com (mario smarduch) writes:
> In article <1992Aug18.183738.17605@tin.monsanto.com> bcschu@skws02.monsanto.com (Brett Schultz) writes:
> >It was just a joke.  I really don't think that Polish have any less brain power
> >than anyone else.
> >
> >Brett
> >
> > 
> 
> Brett, your statements are very offensive to me - wheather you think
> this is a joke or not you are just simply spreading hatred and
> insults. As a community of intellectual's this cannot be tolerated
> on the network and you should just simply stop posting this kind 
> of crap; keep it to yourself. ALSO THE SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR 
> SHOULD SEE TO THIS. 
> 

Mario Smarduch,

You should move to f***ing China where the gov't takes care of all
politically incorrect speech.  As long as you're on this net,
you have the choice of reading it or not because, you see,
the F***ING SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR CANNOT CONTROL WHAT PEOPLE
SEND OVER THE NET! [See, I can yell too!].

For christ's sake, the subject was Polack Joke!  If they offend
you, then don't read them!  (Gaaawd, that's so complicated.)


Brett, 

Keep up the good work, and post some more ethnic jokes!

Hey, did ya hear about the Polish policeman?
        He gave out 20 parking tickets before he realized he was
        at a drive-in theater!

Do ya know what the Polish wife said to her hubby?
    "I dont ever wanna hear you S-A-Y fuck in front of the
    kids again!"

 



-- 
"25 States allow anyone to buy a gun, strap it on, and walk down the street with
no permit of any kind: some say it's crazy.  However, 4 out of 5 US murders are 
committed in the other half of the country: so who is crazy?"   -  Andrew Ford
gtephx!forda@enuucp.eas.asu.edu  OR  !uunet!samsung!romed!enuucp!gtephx!forda
Date: Monday, 31 Aug 1992 17:28:36 IST
From: <UHCGO01@TECHNION.BITNET>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Tom Swifties

"I've been lobotomized," said Tom, absentmindedly.

"I was caught stealing in Saudi Arabia," said Tom, offhandedly.

"I'm getting drunk!" Tom whined.

"I've been ran over," said Tom, flatly.

"Nahahahah," said Tom, sheepishly.

"I'm coming!" Tom ejaculated.
From: cybapunk@hovel.welly.gen.nz (Phil Ross)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: a
Keywords: a
Date: Wed, 02 Sep 92 11:16:32 +1200
Distribution: World
Organization: The Hovel Bulletin Board System

In my private email, marios@comm.mot.com (mario smarduch) whines:

>    The object is not the religion, any decency should tell you that
> you are making fun of a man (since He's not God to you) that suffered

I'm an atheist, and I don't believe such things ever occured.  So therefore,
I am not making fun of a "man", but in my mind, the largest story ever told
(Christianity).  I didn't bring my religous orientation into my jokes, and
after all the religious jokes I've posted, you have been the only one
to cry about it.  Grow up you fucking idiot.  This is rec.humor.  I'm not
going to have my jokes suppressed by a toss-pot like you.  I guess we are
all lucky that you're the only tight-assed Christian on the planet, and that
other Christians have a good sense of humour.

> for rightousness. I think you are a fucken hypocrite, try posting some
> Marther Luther King jokes, about him getting killed, or some Moslem
> jokes see what happens. I know your kind, ran into quite a few fagets
> like you, that only do what's popular or spit on whoever is down. I invite
> you to be little more manly and not a fag all you life.

Again, you make remarkable judgements about me, yet you don't even know me.
You call me a fag, yet you were the one who single-handedly took on the whole
net, making an absolute idiot of yourself.  Because you couldn't handle it,
you decide to mail me instead, and pollute my email account.  Luther King
jokes have been posted before.  Christian jokes have been posted before.
Moslem jokes have been posted before.  I invite _you_ to find a sense of
humour, you pathetic heap of whimpering shit.

(I don't want a war on religon.  I'm not enforcing my views on anyone, yet
 this mario jerk-off is trying to suppress my posts and views, which is a
 violation of free speech)

--
cybapunk@hovel.welly.gen.nz    X Phil Ross
cybapunk@tornado.welly.gen.nz  X Sysop of The Hovel BBS
cybapunk@sideways.welly.gen.nz X Author of Lords And Ladies, _THE_ BBS door!
     ... If at first you don't succeed, redefine success ...
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: nino@vmars.tuwien.ac.at (Marinos Yannikos)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Organization: TU Wien, Vienna, Austria
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 12:24:12 GMT

rivero@mdcbbs.com writes:
:   Not a joke, but it was a Polish Intelligence Officer who broke the
: German Enigma code in WW2. His name was (I think) Colonel Kasiski, and
: his name still applies to the method he developed.
:
	Wasn't that Turing? :-)
From: ssouth@hpldsla.sid.hp.com (Steve South)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Oral Roberts, Censorship. (was Re: Polack Joke)
Date: 27 Aug 92 16:10:09 GMT
Organization: HP Scientific Instruments Division - Palo Alto, CA


>>Vote for Bill Clinton. Vote for Bill Clinton. Vote for Bill Clinton.

>Yeah, you know ALL about it from 8000 miles away.

Come on, if he was anti-'merkin he'd have written 'Vote for George Bush'.
Besides, I'll bet he is better informed about US politics than you are 
about British politics, or anywhere else in the world for that matter.

-- 
>Larry A. Gilmore             Internet: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com

Steve South.
From: jdare@math.rutgers.edu (James Dare)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Date: 28 Aug 92 23:46:37 GMT
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.

In article <1314@netxcom.netx.com> jwc@netxcom.netx.com (Jeff Comer) writes:
>In article <1992Aug21.163522.17650@CS.ORST.EDU> pricec@prism.CS.ORST.EDU (price carl wayne) writes:
>>What ethnic group will be doing the cleaning?
>What ethnic food will do the feeding?
What ethnic dude will do the feeling?
From: ifaq570@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Allen Kitchen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re:  Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Date: 28 Aug 92 17:11:22 GMT
Organization: The University of Texas at Austin

>>> >>Guns don't kill people, bullets do. 
>>> >
>>> >That gun gets the bullets moving awfuly fast though...
>>> >
>>> Actually, its the burning gun powder that gets it going so fast.
>>> 
>>  More like the explosion caused by the igniting of the gunpowder.
>>
>No gun has ever killed a person or anything else.  People must use it to do so. Ergo: outlaw people.
>
>Phythe Mc Nastie

Actually, you are all wrong.  The gun doesn't kill, and the bullet doesn't
kill.  It is the hole left behind the bullet which kills you...
And having discovered this, Congress has set the wizards of the Sandia labs
to create a bullet which leaves no hole.  The idea is that such a bullet would
reduce accidental and deliberate deaths by handgun wielding dropouts.
	Of course, such bullets would then have to be mandatory in all guns
	8P
allen 
ifaq570@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu
From: paul@legoland.Eng.Sun.COM (Paul Pantera)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: answering machine message
Date: 28 Aug 1992 22:45:21 GMT
Organization: Sun Microsystems
Distribution: world
Reply-To: paul@legoland.Eng.Sun.COM
NNTP-Posting-Host: legoland

A friend of mine in college (Jason Knight):

  "Hello.  This is [name]s refrigerator.  The answering machine is
  on vacation.  But if you leave me your name and number, I'll
  stick it to myself with a magnet."

For some reason I found that insanely funny.
 _     _
|_)   |_)
| aul | antera                  paul@legoland.eng.sun.com
From: baylor@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Rocky Horror
Date: 27 Aug 92 22:06:53 GMT
Reply-To: baylor@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Distribution: usa
Organization: LMSC, Sunnyvale, California

In article <1992Aug27.182922.25041@wam.umd.edu>, kckbxr@next08pg2.wam.umd.edu (Robin Hood) writes:
>Does anybody out there have the add-lib lines for the Rocky Horror Picture  
>Show?  I'm interested in getting a copy if possible.
>
>Bill
I've got an LP record called "The Rocky Horror Experience"
(It's the black cover with the LIPS on front, not the montage of
pictures from the movie). RHE includes all the songs from the 
American verison of the movie (not, unfortunately, the longer
version of Superhero) along with the sounds of a live audience, with
the ad libs clearly distinguishable.

Ad lib lines vary by group and region. Your milage may vary.
Organisation: European Space Technology Centre (E.S.T.E.C)
Date: Monday, 31 Aug 1992 14:52:12 CET
From: <TPATTERS@ESTEC.BITNET>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject:    Cannibal Jokes

Cannibal husband: I don't like your mother!
Cannibal wife: Then leave her on the side of your plate!


1st cannibal woman: I don't know what to make of my husband these days!
2ndcannibal woman: Try a stew!

Cannibal dad: OK son, here's your first dead body. You start eating from
              the feet and I'll start from the head...
<LATER>
Cannibal dad: So son, are you enjoying yourself?
Cannibal son: I'm having a ball dad!
Cannibal dad: Slow down son, don't eat so fast!!!

Tim
From: verwey@acs.ucalgary.ca (Mary-Ann Verwey)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: BOFH HH
Date: 1 Sep 92 18:56:38 GMT
Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta

In article <1992Sep1.171635.16643@tamsun.tamu.edu> news@tamsun.tamu.edu (Read News) writes:
>Can some one e-mail me the BOFH 
>
>cgl5564@tamuts.tamu.edu
>Chris
>Thanx
>

Yes I too would love to get the whole series of BOFH, I've got
five but hear there is more... Thanks :)

Mary-Ann

-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary-Ann Verwey                    Hold on to the shining moments in times
verwey@acs.ucalgary.ca             of darkness, they will pull you through
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: syspb@smartstar.com (Paul)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Need Dan Quayle jokes...
Date: 27 Aug 92 16:07:43 GMT
Organization: SmartStar Corp. / Signal Technolgy Inc.

Dan Quayle was asked if he would ever run for President.  He said that
he would consider running in 1994, but he wanted to see if George Bush 
gets re-elected first.
(The election is in 1996 Danny Boy!)
From: mcsnewton@memstvx1.memst.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Another "You're Sooooo Ugly"joke!!
Date: 2 Sep 92 16:59:51 -0600
Distribution: world
Organization: Memphis State University


Here's one I recently heard...

"You's sooooo ugly that whenever you cry, your tears try to fall behind your
head because they're scared to go down your face!!!

...if that's possible!

Tun
Xref: sparky rec.humor:27058 soc.culture.polish:2126
From: exukozi@exu.ericsson.se (Tom Koziatek)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Date: 26 Aug 92 18:39:29 GMT
Organization: Ericsson Network Systems

In article <1992Aug21.173211.22526@dgbt.doc.ca> ted@dgbt.doc.ca (Ted Grusec) writes:
>

referring to.  It's called "Polish" for the same reasons that I
>changed my name from "Gruszczyk" to "Grusec".  Please, folks, can't we
>be proud of our heritage without paranoia!
>

Damn right. I mean, I'm definetely proud of my Polis forefathers. (And fore-mothers) They were the first ones to fight against the attacking Nazi hordes. When`
the ammo ran out, they bravely thew sticks of dynamite at the Germans. Now, lets
not get into how the Germans caught the dynamite, lit them, and threw them back........


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Death is the Ultimate Victor............            
                                                                      -Tom

Note : I don't care that my location shows .se, I'm in Dallas !!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jholtgra@afit.af.mil (Jeremy C. Holtgrave)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Organization: Air Force Institute of Technology
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 19:28:37 GMT

>Ethnic jokes ARE offensive. They upset the people ridiculed by those
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 To you, perhaps, but you keep missing the point!  Once it's decided
 that ethnic jokes should be banned because they're offensive, somebody
 has to decide what is offensive and what isn't.  It's people like you
 who are arrogant enough to think it's up to them to decide.

=====================jholtgra@scgraph.afit.af.mil==============================
Jeremy Holtgrave                          "Besides, we have more guns and bombs
Air Force Institute of Technology          than you."
Wright-Patterson AFB, Ohio
===============================================================================
Organisation: European Space Technology Centre (E.S.T.E.C)
Date: Monday, 31 Aug 1992 13:29:02 CET
From: <TPATTERS@ESTEC.BITNET>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Snake jokes puh-lease!

Ok - some proper, absolutely crappy snake jokes!

Why couldn't the viper viper nose?
'Cos the adder adder handkerchief!

Baby snake: Mummy! Mummy! Are we poisonous snakes?
Mummy Snake: No dear, why?
Baby snake: 'Cos I just bit my tongue!


OK - I never said they were FUNNY crappy jokes, did I!!!
From: jdare@math.rutgers.edu (James Dare)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Christian Joke
Date: 28 Aug 92 23:41:38 GMT
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.


 In article <1992Aug28.164326.18511@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com> marios@ecs.comm.mot.com (mario smarduch) writes:

>"Jesus is hanging on the cross and down below at the bottom
>of the hill, Peter is mourning the loss of their saviour and leader.
>Suddenly he hears a faint voice calling to him..."Peter....Peter"
>and he turns and starts to run up the hill toward Jesus on the cross.
>Before he can get to the top the Roman soldiers shew him away and,
>dejected, he goes back down the hill."
>
>
>I was exactly referring to filth like this, anyone that can post
>a joke like this, I know that the person has no morals, and is
>willing to do anything to make a hit. I have heard religious jokes
>but this is cynic, calculated and out right blasphomous trying to
>degrade the suffering of Christ. I don't understand how all you
>Christians are just sitting back and allow this kind of stuff.

Does this guy have to piss and moan about *everything*???

Mario, if you are this thin-skinned, maybe you had better find
yourself another newsgroup: rec.humor is definitely *NOT* (thank
God) a G-rated newsgroup.  Maybe you should begin your own newsgroup:

	 rec.humor.pc.whiney.thinskinned.g-rated.boring

As other folks have pointed out in their flames, the joke you are
pissed about doesn't even make sense, let alone laughter.



|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| James A. Dare          | Hammered a screwdriver into my ear, to my brain.   |
| E-mail:                | I'm watchin' my life swirl down the drain          |
| jdare@math.rutgers.edu | And I'm feelin' about as Abel as Cain              |
| Snail-mail:            | But I guess that that's the price of fame          |
| P.O. Box 4104          | When you're destined to live on a STREET OF SHAME! |
| Highland Park, NJ      |                        --Foetus                    |
|            08904-4104  ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|                        | I saw an x-ray of a girl passing gas!              |
|                        |                        --Butthole Surfers          |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.|
|	   		-- Vice President Dan Quayle                          |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: Mark Kovarski <kovarski@zooid.guild.org>
Subject: Re: nursery rhymes
Organization: ZOOiD BBS
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 01:12:01 GMT

jbuckner@lonestar.utsa.edu (James A. Buckner) writes:
>In article <1992Aug24.150027.22921@newsgate.sps.mot.com> gibbons@chdasic.sps.mot.com writes:
>>Old Mother Hubbard
>>Went to the Cupboard
>>To give the dog a bone
>>When she lent over
>>the dog bent over 
>>and gave her a bone of his own
>
>It really goes like this (From ADC's Dice Rules)
>
>Old mother Hubbard
>Went to the cupboard
>To get her old dog a bone
>When she bent over
>ROVER took over (oh!)
>She got a bone of her own!
>
>Yeah good ol' Mother Goose, remember her?  I fucked her, oh!

Mary, Mary quite contrary trim that pussy it's so damn hairy!!! OOOO

Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
had a wife loved to beat her
smacked her twice across the face,
fucked her ass,
and went to bed!!   OOOOOO

Here is another one:
Jack and Joel went up the Hill,
both with a buck and a quarter,
Joel came down with two fifty. Ohhhhh
The fuckin' whore.

Little boy blew, HE NEEDED THE MONEY. Ohhhhh

Three blind mice, see how they run. Where the fuck are they goin'?

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack burned off his fucking dick!

Here a few mode "nude" poem from the king of comedians (Andrew D. Clay):

Twikle, twinkle little star how I wonder how you are. 

Shine upon the parking lot as I eat my girldfriends twat. Ohhhh

More to come......Mark K.

E-Mail: kovarski@zooid.guild.org
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rdippold@cancun.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold)
Subject: Re: Christian Joke
Organization: Qualcomm, Inc., San Diego, CA
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 19:09:27 GMT

marios@ecs.comm.mot.com (mario smarduch) writes:
>"Jesus is hanging on the cross and down below at the bottom
>of the hill, Peter is mourning the loss of their saviour and leader.
>Suddenly he hears a faint voice calling to him..."Peter....Peter"
>and he turns and starts to run up the hill toward Jesus on the cross.
>Before he can get to the top the Roman soldiers shew him away and,
>dejected, he goes back down the hill."

>I was exactly referring to filth like this, anyone that can post
>a joke like this, I know that the person has no morals, and is
>willing to do anything to make a hit. I have heard religious jokes
>but this is cynic, calculated and out right blasphomous trying to
>degrade the suffering of Christ. I don't understand how all you
>Christians are just sitting back and allow this kind of stuff.

Jesus walks into an inn and throws three spikes on the counter: "Can
you put me up for the night?"
-- 
Physician, bill thyself.
From: ronh@hpmwtd.sr.hp.com (Ron Hogan)
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 17:03:49 GMT
Subject: Re: Shes So FAT III
Organization: HP Santa Rosa Site (NMD MTA MWTD)
Newsgroups: rec.humor


  A friend of mine used to say that big women are nice 'cause they're warm in
the winter and shady in the summer.

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: garrett@Ingres.COM (QUOTE OF THE YEAR)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Summary: Polish jokes 
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1  
Keywords: 
Organization: ASK Computer Systems, Ingres Product Division
Date: 2 Sep 92 03:08:43 GMT

In article <1992Aug29.100308.1@research.ptt.nl>, mschenk@research.ptt.nl (Mike Sch writes...
>In article <1992Aug27.224635.5375@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com>, marios@ecs.comm.mot.com (mario smarduch) writes:
>> In article <1992Aug27.164852.1876@gtephx.UUCP> forda@gtephx.UUCP (Andrew Ford @ AGCS, Phoenix, Arizona) writes:
>>>Where the hell do you get off telling other people what's funny?
>> 
>> Look you dumfuck I never said what and what is not funny  to 
>> other people, I only said what and what is not funny to me. But
>> then again how can an idiot like you understand.

>>>Get a sense of humor or get the fuck off rec.humor!
>> 
>> 
>> What the fuck makes you think I want to read that crap, all
>> I want is for brain dead idiots like you to stop posting to
>> soc.culture.polish group, get your fucken ass off this group.
>> 
> 
>Once again usenet is a medium of free speech so you are 
>entitled to say what annoys you. But you are not entitled to 
>forbid anyone posting to unmoderated newsgroups. 
>Mike

Personally, I love it. Not the foul language part, the posting polish
jokes in soc.culture.polish part. I can't believe that Mario has never
heard Polish jokes before. Chalk another one up for the un-politically
correct.

Now a joke (its pretty old, but funnier than most of the ones I've
read in this group).

What's the difference between kinky and neurotic?

When you're kinky you use a feather.

When you're neurotic you use the whole bird.

-Garrett
From: syspb@smartstar.com (Paul)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Keywords: joke, very funny, haha, etc.
Date: 28 Aug 92 20:59:15 GMT
Organization: SmartStar Corp. / Signal Technolgy Inc.

On the TV show Sledgehammer, I heard Sledge say one time:
"Guns don't kill people, bullets do"

Another time on the show, his female partner got hit on the head
and had amnesia.  She started acting just like sledge.  They went
to this check cashing place and pushed their way to the front of
the line.  The man behind the counter said "Hey lady, what do you
think you are doing?"  She just pulled out her gun and said:
"Have you got change for a 45?"  Sledge said "Hey, I've got to 
write that one down."

I think that TV show is really funny.  Too bad it got canceled.