From: cullen@tree.egr.uh.edu (Caleb Cullen)
Subject: Re: The War Between Us (Long)
Keywords: *DeFlower* ME will you...
Organization: University of Houston
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1992 21:20:47 GMT

>>sexuality known to everyone.  I can't sum up in a few words
>>what it means to be bisexual the way I am bisexual.  Because
>>it's not the same way that  anyone else is bisexual.  (This
>>applies to everyone - perhaps I place too much importance
>>on individual "taste" or tendencies.)

>Mmmmm... how do these people 'embrace a "bisexual" lifestyle'?  And in
>what ways do they 'make bisexuals as a whole look like silly, confused
>people'?  I agree that "I'm bisexual" paints one with a very broad
>brush - it can say little more than "I fancy both women and men", after
>all - but then how fine a brush does one normally need?  

[uh.edu is in Houston, Texas]
Most of my close friends have been supportive of me (again - I speak from  
personal experience because I have no other eperience to draw from.  I  
haven't been around very long...).  Others have been critical (as opposed  
to hostile) making interesting faces or saying things like "Oh, you're  
just horny.  You'll get over it."  Before I came out people would tell me  
about other people who "said they were bisexual" as if they didn't believe  
it.  Some people apparently believe that a person must be either "gay" or  
"Straight," to them bisexuality is a period of experimentation (or  
something.  I obviously didn't (perhaps I should) sit down with them and  
discuss their biases.)

I merely dislike the general image of bisexuals: [here's my old  
stereotype] men who are married but bored with their wives so they have  
sex with other men on an irregular and non-serious basis.  I know this is  
*wrong*  But sometimes I can see this in people's eyes as they look at me  
when I say to them, "I'm bisexual."  

>I generally
>find that "I'm bi" conveys enough of my sexual preference for people
>to decide whether they want to find out the finer detail.  And there is
>plenty of fine detail, for all of us: everyone's sexuality, not just
>that of bifolk, is a complex and intricate thing (I suspect it's got
>a high irrational Hausdorff dimension :)).

I can see that.  It's a personal difficulty of mine to always want to tell  
people everything about me.

>>What I'm saying is - IMHO, the people who declare their
>>bisexuality openly -outside this forum- are primarily at
>>the low end of the Kinsey scale.
>  In my experience, there's a pretty broad mix, and it's
>  getting broader all the time.  Perhaps in earlier days
>  there was a *high*-end bias - most of the people I knew
>  as bi then were fairly activist, and had learned their
>  activism in the lesbian and gay liberation movements, as
>  I did - but that seems to be levelling out nowadays.
>  But that's only my experience, based in the UK: I don't
>  know where 'uh.edu' is...

That's good to know.  As may have already become obvious I don't know any  
other bisexuals (or gays) very well.  I haven't thought of myself as  
bisexual for long, but I think about it constantly now.
[So please don't hesitate to correct my misconceptions - that's one of the  
reasons I read this 'group.]

>Yes, it's a pretty grim stereotype; but I'm not sure to what extent it's
>universal: we've just had that estimable Steve Dyer come in here and tell
>us that we're all really straight and buying into gay chic, and, before
>that (I *think* it was here) some other guy saying that we're all really
>gay and buying into heterosexual respectability.  I guess they get to
>hurl the mud that they themselves wallow in...

What I worry about most though, is not being thought of as "gay enough" by  
gay men.  Being bisexual shouldn't mean that -only- bisexuals will be  
attracted to me.  I suspect my worst fear is that, because I'm bisexual,  
gays will tell me they can't trust my commitment enough to become involved  
with me.  [Insecurity strikes again]  This is certainly not true of me, so  
either I have a warped view of reality [not unlikely] or the image of  
bisexuals in gay -as-well-as- heterosexual circles needs changing.

>>Thanks for listening.  And WHOA, what a de-muffin...
>
>And thanks for being listenable-to.  De-muffin?  <hug> <slurp> <lick>
><smooch> <nibble> <stroke> <kiss> <nuzzle> <soft-cheese-on-the-nipples>
>and all that... :)

And that's the other thing I like about reading soc.bi.  The welcome wagon  
is *soo* welcome.  Maybe I should say I'm a muffin again...
A hug and a smooch, a stroke and a nibble, a lick-slurp-bite to you too!

>6'2", dark short hair, blue eyes, bisexual and horny as ....
>Kay Dekker, Dept of Industrial Design, Coventry University, Coventry UK
>...
>Deflowerer-of-innocents

Deflower me!  Deflower me!
-----
Caleb Cullen
cullen@tree.egr.uh.edu
I know I'm a silly person; you don't have to tell me specifically!
(Unless you feel strongly about it...)