From: bssbb3rjc2@dct.ac.uk
Newsgroups: soc.men,soc.women
Subject: Re: Sexual victimization of 13 year old boy
Date: 10 Nov 92 15:28:31 GMT
Organization: Dundee Institute of Technology

> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Reader's letter to Beth - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
> 
> Dear Beth:
> 
> I'm 13 years old.  The other day my 16-year-old sister and her friends held me
> down and undressed me.  They took turns pulling my thing and laughed when it
> hurt.  My mom said not to worry.  It's OK for girls to see boys nude because
> they see them when they babysit.
> 
> Sometimes my sister threatens to do it again.  I'm scared.  I think I'd feel
> better if I got my friends to do that to her.  Should I?
> 
> 			Bill
> 
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Beth's answer - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
> 
> Definitely not.  What they did to you was sexual abuse.  It was like a rape,
> and it was terrible for you, and you should never do it to someone else.  Your
> mother is wrong.  It's never OK for anyone to see a person nude it that person
> doesn't wish it.
> 
> She was trying to make you feel better but perhaps is not aware of what else
> your sister and her friends did to you.  Tell her they really hurt you
> physically and mortified you as well.  She should talk to them and ask them
> to imagine how they would feel if a bunch of boys did the same to them.
> 
> Forcing anything on a person is wrong whether you are male or female.  Touching
> your private parts and making fun of your sexuality is terribly cruel.  Your
> sister and her friends were probably taking out on you how uncomfortable they
> feel about their own sexuality and about boys.  Some of them may have suffered
> sexual abuse in some way but they were very wrong to take it out on you.
> 
> Talk to your dad, or another adult or good friend who will be sensitive to how
> you feel.  When your sister is receptive, tell her how abused and embarrassed
> you were.  Ask her to stop threatening you.  Make sure your mom supports you
> in this.
> 
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - My letter - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
> 
> Dear Beth,
> 
>     You printed a letter from a 13 year old boy whose sister
> and her friends held him down, undressed him, and as he
> reports, "took turns pulling my thing and laughed when it
> hurt".  When he reported the incident to his mother, she
> responded that it's OK for girls to see boys nude because they
> see them when they baby-sit.  His sister threatened to do it
> again.
> 
>     Your response, while on the right track, didn't go anywhere
> near far enough.  Among other things you suggested, "When your
> sister is receptive, tell her how abused and embarrassed you
> were.  Ask her to stop threatening you.  Make sure your mom
> supports you in this."  What we're dealing with here is
> essentially a rape.  We're also dealing with a parent whose
> immediate reaction to a rape is to worry about the feelings of
> the rapists!  How in God's name can a 13 year old boy expect
> support from a mother like that?
> 
>     If the genders were reversed, what would your advice have
> been?  What if you received a letter from a 13 year old girl
> who had been gang-raped by her 16 year old brother and his
> friends?  What if she reported it to her father and he had
> demonstrated more concern for the rapists than the victim?
> Would you have suggested to her that she talk to the rapist
> when he is "receptive"?  Would you have told her, "Make sure
> your dad supports you in this"?  Or would your reaction have
> been much harsher?  Would you have perhaps suggested contacting
> a rape crisis center or law enforcement officials?
> 
>     You even went so far as to suggest possible sympathetic
> interpretations of the motives of the sister and her friends.
> If the perpetrators had been boys and the victim a girl, I
> doubt that you would have bothered to mention that the rapists
> may have been expressing "how uncomfortable they feel about
> their own sexuality" or that "some of them may have suffered
> sexual abuse in some way."
> 
>     You probably thought you were giving the boy a sympathetic
> answer.  Instead, you demonstrated that because of the genders
> of the participants, you identified more with the perpetrators
> and the unsympathetic parent than with the victim.  You assumed
> his mother to be sympathetic even though the only information
> you had about her indicates that she is anything but
> sympathetic.  Would you have been as ready to attribute good
> intentions to a father?
> 
>     Boys and men are as victimized by sexism as are girls and
> women.  The insensitivity of your response to this boy
> demonstrates the subtle sexism that males encounter every day,
> even from those whose intentions are basically good.


	 I must agree totally with your point of view as males are 
victims everyday obtle sexual advances and harassment, yet if we write 
into mags or talk about our hasseles and problems then were classified
as Male Cauvanists. Yet women are looked on as the innocent of the sexes!

Sorry, but I feel males should have a crisis center as well as women.
We are victimised and are harassed, yet no one helps us ... it's are been
the attitude that males can cope ... but often we can't. Women have help, we
don't!

Maybe what I'm saying sounds jumbled .... but if anyone would like to talk more
then just email me at the address below.


Rick


uk.ac.dct::bssbb3rjc2


Newsgroups: soc.men