HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ejs@sybase.com (gator fodder)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Looking for help
Date: 21 Aug 92 16:18:33 GMT
Organization: Sybase, Inc.

In article <1992Aug19.073433.17786@rniwi.rni.sub.org> frank@rniwi.rni.sub.org (Frank Mogaddedi) writes:
>So tell me, what would be good ways to start?
>Or is the rumor right, that you'll never find anybody while you're
>looking? If that's the truth, I'm looking forward to a _really_ lonely
>future :-(
>
>So, dear netland, what are your opinions? How does one 'look without
>looking'?

The rumor is true in my experience.  Whenever I went looking I was
invariably disappointed.  Eventually I gave up and decided to be happy on
my own, and I met someone almost immediately.

Looking without looking is hard.  You do it by becoming active in things
that interest you.  Join a reading group.  Take night classes.  Go on
group camping expeditions.  Learn to scuba dive.  Volunteer somewhere.
Join a community theater group.  Just get out there and do something fun.  
Something you really want to do because *you* like it.  It doesn't even 
have to involve other people, though that usually helps.

Keeping busy has several advantages.  First of all, if you are doing 
something that you really enjoy, you'll be happier.  And usually you 
meet people who are interested in the same kinds of things you are.  Even 
if you don't find an RP, you'll probably meet some really cool people.  

You also become a much more interesting person to talk to.  I used to 
cringe whenever people asked me what I liked to do...I would mumble 
something about being really involved in my work and reading a lot of 
science fiction.  Unless I happened to run into someone who's fascinated
by technical writing or a fellow s.f. fan the conversation was pretty 
short (with lots of those gawd-awful long uncomfortable pauses while 
both people frantically tried to think of something halfway intelligent
to say...).  

And finally, even if you are still coming home to an empty house, you're 
too exhausted to care.  

Good luck to you!

Elisabeth Scott        |  My opinions are my own.  My company has
ejs@sybase.com         |  nothing to do with whether I think.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: amymw@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Amy Wisotsky)
Subject: Re: WHAT IS LJBF???????!!!!!!
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 16:13:42 GMT

kjell@elixir.e.kth.se (Kjell Rilbe) writes:

>Yes, while we're at it, I have a few questions on these abbreviations, too.
>This is what (I think) I have figured out:

>IMHO - In My Honest Opinion
In My Humble Opinion

>RP - Relationship Partner
Romantic Partner

							-Amy-
							 :)
----                                      
Amy M. Wisotsky -- amymw@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu 
"Once upon a time, in your wildest dreams...." 
				-Moody Blues   
        				  ----
From: hoesly@lars.acc-admin.stolaf.edu (Rebel Contrabassoonist)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Vacation..all i ever wanted...
Date: 14 Aug 92 20:12:46 GMT
Organization: Contrabassoonists Anonymous

In article <1992Aug14.135552.23922@news.ysu.edu> ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott) writes:

>>>I need some honeymoon destination ideas.....and i know
>>>i can count on this bunch!  =)

>a place to be unbothered by modern life as we know it (no NYC!)
>beautiful scenery  (natural or man-made)
>fresh air.....
>and good food  =9  !!
>
>it can either either hot or cold there...we want to get married
>in december..BTW....


Well, there are quite a few B&B (bed & breakfast)
places in northern Wisconsin and Minnesota...

Most of them are either a few miles out of town
(usually a *small* town--less than 10,000) or at the
most urban, on the fringes of the town.  Quite a few
that I know of are on lakes or rivers, so there's
some decent scenery...frozen lakes can really be 
beautiful!  :)

If you want names of some specific B&B spots, drop me
an e-mail note, and I'll dig up a list of 25 or so...

---
Kurt D. Hoesly  hoesly@acc-admin.stolaf.edu (The Rebel Contrabassoonist)

Hartley's second law:  Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
From: mlb@CISCO.COM (Marcia Bednarcyk)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What is LOVE ?
Date: 21 Aug 92 22:42:38 GMT

In article <1992Aug20.154736.22506@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>, jpalmer@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (John D Palmer) writes:
|> In article <1992Aug17.234809.15524@ucunix.san.uc.edu> ankolamb@ucunix.san.uc.edu (Guess Who ?) writes:
|> >What is LOVE ??
|> 
|>      Love is when the happiness of the other person is more important than
|> your own. . . almost every expression of love canbe shown to pass this test.

I can think of several counter examples, including several here on the net...

|>      This is something more. . . because true romantic love is when there is a 
|> give and take of love. . . and as one tries to make th other happy, the other
|> is trying to make the first happy, and they are both being happy because they
|> accept the profferred gifts of happiness. . .  

That's only when the romantic love is mutual. When it's not, it doesn't quite
work this way.

The only thing I know about love is this: there is no algorithm, no set of
rules, no set of criteria that you can check off and say "Yep, that's it; I'm
in love ok". For ever set of criteria I can show you a love that is missing
a few, and people who met them all who aren't in love by any stretch of the
imagination. You know when you're in love, and you know when you aren't.

As I get older, what I label as love changes. What were important components
aren't anymore, and new facets keep coming to light. But that doesn't make
the old "loves" any less love, just because I love differently now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                        ADDRESS: mlb@cisco.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."
"... the meaning of life is to be happy, try not to hurt people, and hope
you fall in love."
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: dkl@xcluud.sccsi.com (David Karl Leikam)
Subject: Re: Is there a *good* way to say LJBF?
Organization: Greater Montrose UFO Appreciation Society & Data Haven
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 21:01:57 GMT

In article <1992Aug13.183928.23269@mlb.semi.harris.com> therrien@harris.mlb.semi.harris.com (Patty Therrien) writes:
>I've been following the LJBF thread for a while now, although I have not
>read every post in its entirety.  But something seems to be missing, and
>it has to do with a problem I have encountered personally.
>
>Is there a *good* way to say to someone, "Let's just be friends"?
>
>I have a friend who has indicated a romantic interest in me.  What is 
>the best way to tell him that I value his friendship, but do not return
>his feelings?  He is very shy, and doesn't have a lot of self-confidence,
>so I don't want to do or say anything to wipe out the progress he has
>been making recently.
>
   Hmmm, hmmm. Probably isn't. And perhaps we get to the core of the 
problem here, as well.  I mean, look, if he's all that shy and unself-
confident, how come he's romantically interested in you? Or more exactly,
how come he's indicated that? 
 
   At first blush, it seems to me that you must've given him just a *bit*
of encouragement to think it would be returned. At any rate I can about
guarantee you that *he* thinks so, or he wouldn't have risked saying/doing
much of anything.
 
   And you're probably shaking your head, thinking to yourself, "no, no,
I did nothing of the kind."  It doesn't honestly matter who's right or
wrong, though, nor how the misunderstanding came about. 
  
   What's likely going to happen is that you're gonna say, "LJBF", very
reasonable from your point of view; and he's going to think you really
screwed him around, also reasonable, from his point of view. In his shoes,
I wouldn't be to ready to be "friends" with someone who (I thought,
rightly or wrongly) just got through treating me this way.
 
   Then each of you can join the ranks of the respective cross-flamers here,
each convinced your position is justified and the other is wrong.
 
  But, you wanted suggestions. Ok. Don't SAY that. Don't tell him that.
There's no way you can do it without creating a real mess for one or
both of you.  I think you can make it obvious how you feel without opening
your mouth and putting your foot in it, not so?  Don't go anywhere with
him that could possibly be construed as a date, do things always with
friends, never by yourselves, watch the physical side no matter how you
"mean" it as a friendly hug. In short, withdraw from his life in all ways
that might encourage further development of his impressions.
 
  Try to turn the relationship from a very personal one to a "part of a
group" one.  Even if this doesn't work, it's better than the alternative.
From: michael@gandalf.moria (Michael Haardt)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What is LOVE ?
Date: 20 Aug 92 18:12:32 GMT
Reply-To: u31b3hs@pool.informatik.rwth-aachen.de (Michael Haardt)
Organization: An old and gray machine, somewhere in Moria.

In article <1992Aug19.173656.2210@leela.cs.orst.edu>, caldwem@jacobs.CS.ORST.EDU (Twiggs) writes:
> You ask what love is? Oh Love is walking hand and hand,
> Sitting in a park watching baby ducks, Shareing a ice cream 
> cone. Love is a warm feeling you get when you open the mail box,
> and a letter has come from accross the sea. I know is is from 
> Michael my bf. And knowing that is thinking of me when we are,
> apart gives me such a warm feeling I know it is Love. And i smile,
> It has been some months that we were together but i know we share 
> such strong love, I only need to think of the days we had together
> And i feel his love. We have a strong and careing love it is wonderful.
> 
> I can hear a song and think of our time together or even eat and ice cream
> look at the moon over my house and know that he looks at the same moon,
> and stars, And we once walked together holding each other and we will
> again. Love is called fireworks sometimes in the movies and I think that
> is a good way to think of Love it feels so good to know you are loved 
> and that you love someone.
> Michael and I have been together 5 months and i feel there will be a life
> time of warm and happy days, hope this has helped like the songs says
> "Love is a wonderful thing"  
> 
>    Mary

Wowowowow what a nice surprise!!! :)  It seems that GNU Emacs got your
friend, and thank you very much for such a wonderful present for my
birthday tomorrow :-))) LOVE IS A WONDERFUL THING! :-)) Oh I am so
happy, I was just reading news and following this thread, and then -- 
such a wonderful article from my love :) 

*kiss* *hug*

Michael

PS: I just *had* to quote the whole article ;-)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: jdiamond@netcom.com (Joan M. Diamond)
Subject: Re: COMPUTER RELATIONSHIPS
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 92 16:24:52 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Distribution: usa


Computer relationships are just like any other relationship
where you meet someone new.  These relationships can turn out
great or terrible (or somewhere in between).  In any relationship,
the first thing you see is what the other person wants you to see.
Over time, you start seeing the other parts of the person, some
of which may surprise you or frighten you, or disgust you.  As
with any relationship, the only advice is to take your time, don't
get "swept off your feet", and talk to the person.

I met my fiance on the net.  We spent six months talking.  I met him, as
a friend, after about 3 months, and then we kept talking, on the net,
on the phone.  After another 3 months, we decided we were serious
about each other.  After about 3 more months of talking, I moved out
here to be with him.  After six months of being together out here,
I am still finding things out about him and he is learning about me.
We have both found things about each other that we don't especially
like.  We have also found many things about each other that amaze
us and make us very happy to be together.  The things we don't like,
we work on.  Personal issues that cause problems, we each get individual
counseling for.  Couples issues, we work on by talking and LISTENING
to each other.  We have agreed to get couples counseling prior to
marriage.

As with any real relationship, loving someone does not mean that we will
live happily ever after.  Living happily ever after requires work
to lay a real foundation for the relationship.  We do not let the little
things go on because they are "unimportant."  We know that if we don't
resolve them now, they will come back on us later.

So, I say don't defend or accuse computer relationships or Long distance
relationships.  Just as many in-person relationships fail.  The only
way to insure a successful relationship is to take your time and
do the work necessary.

I am very happy in my relationship.  Coming here to be with him is
the best and smartest thing I ever did.  Yes, we have to work hard
at it sometimes, but we also have weeks on end when we are so
comfortable with one another that we feel like every day is a
vacation.

Good luck.

Joan
From: kuykerc@eng.auburn.edu (Ritsuo C. Kuykendall)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Romane..lost..Found???
Date: 17 Aug 92 02:28:11 GMT
Reply-To: kuykerc@eng.auburn.edu
Organization: Auburn University Engineering

Yes.. I know I misspelled Romance...
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: hoesly@lars.acc-admin.stolaf.edu (Rebel Contrabassoonist)
Subject: Re: fantasies
Organization: Contrabassoonists Anonymous
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 21:36:28 GMT

In article <1992Aug20.175204.19974@unislc.uucp> erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) wrote:
>Dawn Bott (ae498@yfn.ysu.edu) wrote:
>: I have to agree that being in the wild outdoors is possibly
>: the most exciting place to make love....
>: but instead of the thunder and lightning....
>: I kinda like the idea of a being out in a snow storm...
>
>Brrrrr.....!

Whatsa matter, Ed?  Don't like snow?
It doesn't necessarily have to be all that
cold to snow, and when there are two people
doing all they can to keep the other warm...

Need I say more?  ;)

---Kurt D. Hoesly   hoesly@acc-admin.stolaf.edu  (The Rebel Contrabassoonist)

"Hell, there's no love in shootin' a woman....umm...that ain't right, is it?
		Jens Hinrichsen as Frank in _Annie Get Your Gun_


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: asiivo@cs.joensuu.fi (Antti Siivonen)
Subject: Re: Need advice...
Organization: University of Joensuu
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 19:52:25 GMT

wanless@mcl.ucsb.edu (Paul Wanless) writes:
>my girlfriend...I can tell this woman things I've told no one else...and
>we did start out as friends before it got a little heavier...anyway, if I
>decided not to take this planned vacation, I COULD go out to visit her
>instead...then again, I'm not sure it would be fair to my girlfriend if
>I told her flat out no, I don't want to take this vacation. As it is, she's
>not sure yet, and as for me, I'm not too sure what I want either...anyone
>have any insight? I'd appreciate the advice...
>--
	You didn't tell how seriously you're dating or just for fun. I picked up
	babes just for fun and now I'm engaged with one of them, so think      
	SERIOUSLY. The point is that if you chase them all, you won't get any.
	In the case you and your ex-girlfriend are totally incompatible, you 
	can break. Otherwise you can think her feelings and try to find things
	that attracted you with her when you fell in love with her, in the  
	beginning. 
-- 

		Andreas - Siperian Sirri   Siberian Stint

	No ITU, love, evolution.           Tuusniemi ! Siis imein suut !
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: scott_silverstein@yccatsmtp.ycc.yale.edu (Scot Silverstein)
Subject: How to deal with 3-way?
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: Yale University
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 18:06:10 GMT

re: my 'triangle' post --

I should add that this is mostly of historical interest now; I really am 
no longer involved with these people nor want to be, but I'm just curious
how others would have handled it.
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How does this happen?
Date: 17 Aug 92 17:49:50 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <12556@ecs.soton.ac.uk> sah@ecs.soton.ac.uk (Hellberg S.A.) writes:
>In <1992Aug13.172351.6264@jetsun.weitek.COM> weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Weaver) writes:
>>This is good advice. It is a hard fact, but if you appear too anxious
>>to give, you will be judged to be a parasite, only interested in
>>taking.  On the other hand, if you appear selfish you will be judged
>>capable of giving. The reason for this of course is that if you were a
>>parasite and wanted to get your way through manipulation, you would
>>start out by appearing giving. (Unless you thought two moves ahead and
>>realized that appearing selfish would better serve your ends).
>
>Michael,
>
>I couldn't quite see what you were getting at here - how is it that
>you will be judged a parasite for being `over' giving?  And likewise
>being selfish leading to being seen as capable of giving?  I'm
>confused, seems like a contradiction.  What am I missing?
>
>Anybody else shed any light?  Is this a widely found attitude?
>
>From a worried eager `giver' !?
>
>Stephen.

Sorry if I was unclear. This is indeed an apparent contradiction. By
being anxious to give, you imply that you need the other person so
badly that you are willing to sacrifice anything to get/keep them, and
thus you are needy and will end up a parasite.  By being selfish, you
imply you don't need the other person, are self sufficient, and thus
will not become a parasite.

Now, I have stated this rather crudely to get the idea across. I think
both ideas (that by being giving/selfish a person is being honest, or
is being manipulative) go through people's minds. I don't mean to suggest
that someone who is giving should pretend to be selfish. I do think that
you need to understand how the other person interprets your actions,
and help them understand how you see your actions.

Don't be worried about being a 'giver'. It is a quality valued by
some.  I find it is much more satisfying to be my true self and find
people that appreciate that, than to bend and twist myself to be
acceptable more people. That way people encourage and enjoy what I like
about myself, rather than some skill I have picked up to please them.
Just remember that if you are giving, you have a need to give as
well as a talent to give, and this can get you in trouble if you 
don't keep your eyes open.

Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ccolling@nyx.cs.du.edu (Lady Firebird)
Subject: Re: AIDS: What the Government Isn't Telling You
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 92 03:27:08 GMT

In article <BCR.92Aug12200313@hpl3sn02.cern.ch> bcr@cernapo (Bill Riemers) writes:
>In article <BsusJC.1CA@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu> hoff@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Wildfire) writes:
>
>   I heard that the virus is killed by room temperature, which is why it needs
>   to be transmitted through body fluids.  It's too cold anywhere else. (I THINK it
>   lives about an hour or two at most, but it's been a while since I heard it)
>
>Think again!  They don't store blood at 98.6.  They store blood in refrigerators.
>(And no I don't claim to know why the virus can only be transmitted by body 
>fluids...  I just know this third hand information isn't right...)
>
>                                    Bill

third hand?  not me, please, Bill.  I work at a medical clinic where we
sometimes have long stretches with nothing to do (it's a rural clinic)
so I ask questioons of the doctor....
I'm not too sure of this, so don't quote me, but the reason AIDS can only be
transmitted using bodily fluids has something to do with its chemical 
makeup...it's unhappy and dies extremely quickly in air (i.e. perhaps two or
three minutes) because of solubility and such.

And no, AIDS is too cold when it's not in bodily fluids.  HIV can lie
dormant, and that's how it got transmitted in blood.  And that's also
why ELISA exists.  In fact, most viruses are that way.

(:  cheer up!

Lady Firebird
--
Catherine G. Collingwood, aka Lady Firebird       NCSSM '92
catherine@lambada.oit.unc.edu  -or-  ccolling@nyx.cs.du.edu
-----------------------------------------------------------
"Imagination is only intelligence having fun."  --Anon.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Why I fell Was: How Long (I think)
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 17:40:59 GMT

 (ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET) wrote:

: Oh, Ed, I forgot to add - He told me, the first night, a little
: woozily, that a) he loved me, b) wanted to marry me, and (this one
: was when cold sober, so there was not the "in vino veritas" excuse)
: c) he was "the perfect man for me."

Oh, my!  And you saw him anyway?

: Ooooh, I hate it when he's right!

Well, at least it worked out!
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: frank@rniwi.rni.sub.org (Frank Mogaddedi)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: LJBF and Happiness
Date: 20 Aug 92 06:58:35 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Frank's Wild Unix

jlewis@astro.as.arizona.edu (Jeff Lewis) writes:

[...]
>...but I am the most
>content when I can make someone else happy...is this being romatic
>or just plain stupid?

Hi Jeff,
I think it's both. I feel similar and think that - yes - it's romantic.
Or so people told me. But it's also stupid, if you're being exploited
without noticing it. Or...

Well, who said being in love, loving, or being romantic makes sense
or can be rationally explained :-} ?

As long as it makes you happy to make someone else happy, I think every-
thing is OK. There are people out there who really appreciate that. Or
so I've been told.

Take care
	Frank
-- 
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| e-mail: frank@rniwi.rni.sub.org | Disclaimer: "Read my lips" (George Bush)  |
|	  Beauty is only skin-deep, but ugliness goes clean to the bone	      |
|	     What luck for women, that men can see better than think	      |
Xref: sparky alt.romance:10914 alt.romance.chat:17464