HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: larryh@cabezon.uucp (Larry Huntley)
Subject: Re: Today's Question.
Organization: Logic Modeling Inc of Beaverton Oregon
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 02:01:23 GMT

In article <1992Nov15.182307.19640@asuvax.eas.asu.edu> ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra) writes:
>rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) writes:
>> 
>>           How do you challenge someone to a duel?
>> 
>> I mean real and formal like. I know you have to say something along the
>> lines of: "My seconds will call upon yours." But how do you get to that
>> point...I figure I'll just challenge my persecutor to a duel.
>
>     I'm surprised I'm needed to advise you on
>a military matter such as this, rp, but I am
>more than happy to be of assistance.
>
  [ Great description of how to incite a duel deleted]

  Please see Mark Twain's "The Famous French Duel" for instructions on how
  to proceed from here.  Of particular importance is the phrase that you 
  will utter as you sink to your knees, your life's blood oozing from a
  mortal wound inflicted by your dastardly opponent.  Please be apprised
  that "I die that France may live!" is already in use.  I suppose we should
  canvass the froup for a suitable deathless declaration.

  Suggestions, everyone?

  - Larry "Curse you, you querulous sow!?" Huntley

-- 
         (larryh@lmc.com)         |         --TALK.BIZARRE-- 
     Logic Modeling Corporation   |      The Suppurating Abcess
          Beaverton,  OR          | of the INTERNET - Dr. Donald Wildmon
From: sme3@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (SCOTT MATTHEW ESTRIN)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: >>>><I DON'T KNOW!><<<<
Date: 24 Nov 92 01:48:09 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

>If there is nobody looking at a mirror and there is absolutely nothing across
>from it, what does it look like?

If one were to look in the mirror, they would see [the reflection of]
absolutely nothing.  Therefore, it would be virtually invisible.


>Imagin that there is a hole 5ft in diameter in the center of Kensas going
>through the earth all the way to China.  What would happen if farmer Bob from
>Kesas would jump in the hall at the same time as Mou Yoeung from China?  Who
>would get there first?  What will happen?  Will they bounce back and forth
>like yo yos or just stick to the core?

The strong gravitational pull at the center of the earth would keep them
bonded together as if by Krazy Glue, although neither would be alive to notice.

>Is the color blue that you see thesame as the blue I see?  Maybe you see what
>is yellow to me, but we both recognize it as being blue.

Blue is blue.  You just gotta know the blues.

>Why is the earth and everything else in space round?  Why can't they be
>squares or trapezoids or something?

Because if the earth, for example, was a trapezoid, it would be flat.  And
then Magellan would've fallen off the edge, and he didn't.



When I close my eyes I see the inside of my eyelids.

>What so you see when you close your eyes? A black void? A cat eating Tuna?

>Why can't the energizer bony just die? Why can't anybody just shoot it? or
>better yet why can't somebody jsut consistently stomp it until there is nothing
>left?

Because the bunny (bony?) keeps going, and going, and going....

-- 

{======================================================================}
{ Scott M. Estrin, PhD.  /\     "If it's broken take it apart and look }
{ (Well, maybe someday) <<>>    around.  If it's not broken, take it   }
{ sme3@Lehigh.EDU        \/     apart anyway.  Then it will be."       }
{======================================================================}
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: big sucking sound
Date: 16 Nov 1992 08:10:30 GMT
Organization: UC Berkeley CS Dept.
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: cobra.cs.berkeley.edu

"Big sucking sound!  I'm tellin _you_, man.  You didn't believe him,
did you.  And then I heard it, and turned around and swear to god
there was just this little _dimple_ there.  Like nothing.  Like
you'd have walked over it and not even noticed.  5000 jobs.  That's
right.  Good American jobs.  Good greasy-hands jobs.  Dirt under
the fingernails jobs.  Balls jobs.

"Yeah, I was awake!  Who the fuck you think you're talkin too, man?
I've got _awards_.  I own this profession, motherfuckers.  That's
right.  I'm the Duke.  I'm the King.  I'm Elvis.  The Elvis Aron
Presley of night watchmen.  Like sequins and shit.  Everything.  And
let me tell you bub I get paid more in an hour than you've made in
your whole greasy-assed life and that's because I am _wide_ fuckin'
awake and stone cold sober every hour of the night and if I tell you
something you can write it down in the book of Judgment and forget
about it because sure as shit it's true.  You gettin' this, bub?

"Yeah, I heard.  Came up right outside Soul wherever the fuck that
is.  At first they were kind of confused but the second day they were
right in there churnin' out cars and VCRs and every kind of sweet shit.
They ain't Americans but sometimes you gotta respect these Korea dudes
- they get on the ball."

c
From: mattb@ctron.com (Matthew E. Brown)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: talk.bizarre.NASCAR
Date: 16 Nov 92 18:09:03 GMT
Reply-To: mattb@olympus.ctron.com (Matthew E. Brown)
Organization: Cabletron Systems INc.

NASCAR held the Hooters 500 auto race at Hampton, Ga. yesterday. It was
veteran driver Richard Petty's final race before he retired. The story
I read did not explain whether Hooters was a sponsor, a prize, or a state
of mind.

I thought it was kind of a shame that we didn't have a chance to enter,
as this would have been the perfect race for a talk.bizarre entry, or at
least a pace car.

Anyway, here's your chance to design next year's entry. Add or change 
anything you wish.


                              _________________________
                             /                   \     \
                            /                     \still\
                           /                       \going\
       ___________________/_________________________\     \________________/|
      /       CARASSO     |    Xian the Driver       |  (M-O-O-N)     body  |
     /       _______      |       _______            |       ______   by    |
    |       / _____ \     |      /  /|               |cj    / _____\gooley  |
    |      / /     \ \    |     /    |    hOOters    |     / /     \ \      |
    |     / /       \ \   |   \/    _|_   5OO       /cams / /       \ \    /
   /     | |         | |  |________________________/     | |         | |  /
  /______| |         | |   TALK.BIZARRE SPECIAL          | |         | |_/
 /_______|  \       /  |_________________________________|  \       /
             \_____/                                         \_____/

Matt
Vroom! Vroom!
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Subject: Re: <%%%%>
Reply-To: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Organization: SCI Systems, Inc., Huntsville, Al.
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 04:21:28 GMT

In article <1992Nov21.061649.16624@nmsu.edu> sabbott@nmsu.edu (SDA) writes:
 [ ... ]
>"In this world there are two kinds of pinatas my friend, those
>filled with candy and those filled with nitroglycerine"

A friend of mine once claimed that he tossed a half-quart of nitroglycerine
into someones' house, as someone was pulling into the driveway....

Reportedly, someone backed out, drove to the nearest police station,
and confessed to trying to frame friends' buddy.

Later, he shot a full quart after sitting it atop a fencepost. Buried the
post at the bottom of the pit, tore hell out of the fence....


-- 
Gary Heston    SCI Systems, Inc.  gary@sci34hub.sci.com   site admin
The Chairman of the Board and the CFO speak for SCI. I'm neither.
"Data sheet: HSN-3000 Nuclear Event Detector. The [NED] senses the gamma
radiation pulse [from a] nuclear weapon." As if we wouldn't notice...
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: brief boastful brag
Date: 16 Nov 1992 16:07:41 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov

In article <BxoyD3.384@news.udel.edu> hamlet@ravel.udel.edu (Chris Adams) writes:
>I'm installing a reel-to-reel in my car.

I recommend the Uher 4000 for the application.  Take the signal off of the
lowest DIN jack on pin 4, and you'll get a pretty clean line-level.  It likes
6V input, but it's trivial to use an LM314T to get 6V from your car electrical
system.  I used to use the 4000 for motion picture sound work before I moved
over to DAT and it can be a great sounding deck if it's set up right.
--scott
From: echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Old MacDonald
Date: 22 Nov 1992 16:44:31 -0800
Organization: <censored>
NNTP-Posting-Host: girtab.usc.edu

In article <1992Nov22.191843.121755@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> tka2@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (TOMER AMIT) writes:
.....
>Don't you just hate it [insert filler]

No, actually, i rather enjoy it.

5150
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: exit
Organization: University of Central Florida
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 23:26:12 GMT

jbutt@kean.ucs.mun.ca writes:

>What do you pack styrofoam in when you ship it ??

You pack it in your ass along with the other jokes you've stolen from
Steven Wright and then you hit 'U' to unsubscribe from this group.

Mark "Does the madness ever stop?" Schnitzius
From: jdavidso@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: short astonished confession: I wanna be Princess Di
Date: 23 Nov 1992 17:39:36 GMT
Organization: Computer Science Department at Rose-Hulman
Distribution: world
Reply-To: jdavidso@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: jd-next.nextwork.rose-hulman.edu
Keywords: no fucking way; is this true?


I am totally amazed and somewhat envious that someone can actually ask  
another fucking COUNTRY, for gawd's sake, to help her find an apartment.

(I am not sure if I halucinated that little news flash or not; family  
get-togethers on Sundays sometimes do that to me; did Di really ask  
France this question?)
--
************************************************************************
 the Lost Cause                       jdavidso@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu
(hardwaire guy extraordinaire)       MACTech,NeXTtech; NeXTmail accepted
                      "Everything is relative."
************************************************************************
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:38363 alt.flame:14831 talk.abortion:48160
From: news@wolves.Durham.NC.US (The Wolfe of the Den)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.flame,talk.abortion
Subject: Re: Oldbie Leads the Way.....
Date: 17 Nov 92 03:55:44 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Wolves Den UNIX
X-Md4-Signature: 1921d944fd0ea69366637750afa2a553

drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux) writes:
>
>Thank you for sharing your collected years
>of experience with us.

You're quite welcome Drieux.
-- 
Usenet Net News Administrator @ The Wolves Den  (G. Wolfe Woodbury)
news@wolves.durham.nc.us  news%wolves@cs.duke.edu  ...duke!wolves!news
"The flame war is a specific Usenet art form." --me
[This site is not affiliated with Duke University. (Idiots!) ]
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:39154 alt.slack:3169
From: holt_c@cubldr.colorado.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.slack
Subject: Re: Internet marriages
Date: 23 Nov 92 17:42:29 GMT
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder

In article <1992Nov20.034313.9965@netcom.com>, cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton) writes:
> Rob Dobson (rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU) wrote:
> : SO SAYETH ASK:
> : 
> : >Actually, I know of two people who met on a bbs via internet and are now
> : >getting married.  They haven't met each other yet... haven't even seen
> : >photos of each other...  
> : >
> : > -- ASK
> : 
> : well, hopefully, whoever is performing this marraige will do the smart
> : thing; ie convert the wedding chapel into a gas chamber and put these
> : two hapless nerds out of their misery.
> : 
> : 
> : -rob
> 
>   Actually, I should probably perform this one for _free_, provided I get
> an exclusive contract to perform the divorce.  That'll cost 'em good.
>   -- Pope Clifton (feeling expansively religious again)
> 

Interesting, I've been considering looking into the prospect of dating someone
by E-mail.

							Sincerely,
							Lieutenant Wilkes
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (mr. wonderful)
Subject: ssc dooood!!!
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 92 04:47:58 GMT


--
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
From: tgpt_ltd@uhura.cc.rochester.edu (Tom Guptill)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Have you tormented a ford lately? (was Re: Have you lamented a Ford lately?)
Date: 15 Nov 92 18:25:04 GMT
Organization: University of Rochester - Rochester, New York


My first car was an '81 Escort wagon.  It was an automatic.  It made my
(current) 52HP VW Diesel look like a Testarossa.  If you held the
accelerator to the floor it wouldn't shift out of first until ~~50mph. 
Strangely, I had to replace the timing belt 3 times.  Every time I turned on
the heater fan the increase in air pressure made the "LIFT GATE" light come
on.  I promised myself I'd never buy another Escort.  A few months later I
bought a Chevette.


BAAAD move.


Tom.  (Fahrvergnugen.)

  
-- 
| Tom Guptill           | tgpt_ltd@cc.rochester.edu (internet) |
| CPU Box 277445 U of R | tgpt_ltd@uordbv (bitnet)             |
| Rochester NY 14627    |                                      |
| (716) 274-0156        |                                      |
From: lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: wheenee rant
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 92 05:14:07 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)

BobTech:
: gotta portable today
: pretty portable
: not new
: used
: used portable
: blue screen
: one disk
: one hard disk
: ms dos
: modem
: pretty portable
: lovely portable
: 
: and i haven't got ONE fucking use for it.
 
wehhhdja gerrit? wehhhdja gerrit? 
wehhhdja gerrit? wehhhdja gerrit? 
wehhhdja gerrit? wehhhdja gerrit? 
wonnit too
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
| lord snooty @the giant |  Caramba!                                       |
| poisoned electric head |              andrew_-_palfreyman@cup.portal.com |
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Rictus Hep peruses rec.humor
Date: 22 Nov 1992 12:30:48 -0800
Organization: <censored>
NNTP-Posting-Host: sal-sun33.usc.edu


He decides to piss everyone off by actually making up a Green Golfball Joke.
From: damianj@castle.ed.ac.uk (Damian Jackson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Threatening
Date: 18 Nov 92 20:36:27 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

sharpmn@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Matthew N. Sharp) writes:

>andrewc@spider.co.uk (Andrew Cannon) writes:

>>Oh Boy, You Americans sure do get het up over a little joke about threatening
>>your presidents life.
>>
>>Threaten the life of the British Prime Minister, John 'I am a Robot' Major. I
>>can guarantee no-one will report you to anyone. They may offer financial 
>>assistance though !

>Unless, of course, you are Irish, in which case you are reported to the
>government of your own country and Britain's.

>And you can forget about that offer of financial assistance, too.

unless you are rattling a can in the ewe esso of aye.
where they will happily give you money and tell you 
how to best build explosive devices.

top 10 ways to get free or buy guns from the cia 
------------------------------------------------

(1) use Iranian accent
(2) use Irish accent
(3) use Israeli accent
(4) use Iraqi accent
(5) use Italian accent
etc.

hey - i think i see a trend here.


Damian
damianj@castle.ed.ac.uk
--
anybody got a used detonator they're willing to part with?
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu (have clue, will travel)
Subject: Re: Breaking up is hard to do.
Originator: jecoleb@c00011-118dan.eos.ncsu.edu
Keywords: Hallmark... When you really don't give a shit,
	but don't want to look bad by sending a cheap card.
Reply-To: jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu
Organization: The Ghost Of Christmas Past Society
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 00:13:20 GMT


jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll) writes:
>In article <ZmyHuB4w165w@mantis.co.uk>, mathew <mathew@mantis.co.uk> writes:
>> mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Crash Dominus") writes:
>> >     You know, people occasionally ask me what secret it is that makes my
>> > relationship with J.F. so fabulously successful (eight years old next
>> > month, and still lustful, respectful, surprising, and romantic at the
>> > same time) and unfortunately I have to say that it is due in large part
>> > to our policy of never living less then seventy-five miles apart.
>> 
>> Sad but true.  Similarly, I think the reason I get on so well with Helen is
>> that she keeps going away to foreign countries for months at a time.  Year
>> before last it was Russia, currently it's Germany.

>There's a pattern here. The only reason I have any time in my life for t.b
>is that my love and I are on opposite ends of the continent.

One more corroborating example:
 
The closer to me my last girlfriend has lived in the past two years, the
more strained things became, until she finally got the Drop-Kick of Doom
out of my life earlier this week while living within walking distance.

On the other hand, when I look at who's in line as possible replacements,
I find the three I'm looking most fondly upon:
(1) 30 miles away, (2) two hours away, and (3) seven hours away,
with the likelihood of acceptance going up as I move down the list.

Has X Industries been suppling AT&T with neurological warfare devices that
cause people to fall for each other, move very far apart and make long-distance
calls?

               jeff "plus, I don't have a car / that I can call my very own"
                    "...I guess I'll spend another night alone. [ALL]" c., ncsu
-- 
                         jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu 
          ---------     have clue, will travel.    ---------
  "I am a penis. Worship me."--lead singer of rock band Bicycle Face,
vainly attempting to gain attention of the crowd at the Cat's Cradle
in Chapel Hill, while opening for Mojo Nixon & The Toad Liquors
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: sabbott@nmsu.edu (SDA)
Subject: Blair (was Re: Shifting on the fly)
Organization: WHorshipers of Lady LibertY (WHoLLY)
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 05:37:00 GMT


bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton) writes and writes:

>
>   Speaking of knobs, if Lucy's had slipped importunely from
>   her chemise one more time I'd have formed a semiotic,
>   cinematic theory to explain it.
>
>   As it was, I just got a woodie.
>
>				   --Blair
>				     "Let me drive THIS into
>				      your heart, green-eyes..."
>
>   Ob. Real Theory:  Lucy's tits appear'd when she was very
>   wampyr, and Mina (played by the utterly barren Winona Ryder,
>   perhaps the least woodie-waxing of the 80's debutantes)
>   never even got her nubbies visibly erect, meaning Mina was
>   never really wampyr (despite the ridiculous cover-hype on
>   last month's Esquire).  The silhouette shots of Mina in the
>   suck-my-millenial-balkan-chest scenes are a classic
>   Coppolism, and indicate that she's real close to being the
>   bat-girl, but not quite.  This tit-for-bat theory doesn't
>   account for the zaftig wench strutting it around in the
>   Cinematograph, but she's lost her soul (and her color) to
>   the camera already, so it can still work.
>
>   Ob. Stupid:  Whatever dickhead cast Keanu Reeves and then
>   taught him how to talk Limey.  Yecccch.  Gruesome.
>
>   Ob. Real Fucking Stupid:  Lady behind me, as the credits
>   rolled:  "Oh, it was a *love* story..."  This is the same
>   Hawking-alike who asked her GED-proof husband, "Is that
>   blood?"


I see this as a real coming out for you, Blair.  Full, plump, 
thoughtful paragraphs reflecting their full, thoughtful, plump
owner.  I see this as a monumental step away from the crass
one-liners you have hidden behind for so long.  

I just want you to know that I support you in this growth venture.

I love you, man!

--

"when marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws"  -R.A. Wilson

	\\\\\sean/////
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Coming soon to a theatre near me
Originator: jcarroll@ferris
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 22 Nov 92 20:52:05 CST


TONY BENNETT

**** and his trio ****

Ralph Sharon - Music Director

***

December 3rd & 4th

***

in the beautifully restored

Warner Theatre

ON SALE NOW!

Hear Tony Bennett sing the Torch and Saloon Songs of Sinatra

From his latest hit release

Perfectly Frank

Tickets on sale at all Ticketmaster locations including...


jkc (what is *Sinatra* singing these days?)
From: cs199aa@sdcc5.ucsd.edu (Mark Fletcher)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: good bank gone bad
Date: 22 Nov 92 02:21:03 GMT
Organization: University of California, San Diego

My life is hell. I used to have a good bank. A nice bank. The kind
of bank you'd bring home to mom. We had a wonderful relationship
together, lasting more than 4 years. Then It happened. They said the
merger wouldn't affect me, and would turn my nice, happy, fun-loving
bank into an even better bank. I didn't buy it. There was nothing
wrong with my bank. Why should They change it??? How DARE they
impose upon such a personal thing as a man's bank! Well, the love of my
banking life has been turned into something grotesque. I can't even
recognize my bank anymore. My bank, which in the past has done me no
harm, has screwed me over not once, but TWICE in the last couple of
weeks. There is now a big black spot inside of me. I am filled with
hate and revulsion. I need a new bank.


Mark
Bank of America must die.

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Re: Another Weird Way to Have Sex
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 20:53:11 GMT

while posting a description of it into rec.music.enya


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Subject: Re: yet more sniping at bad erotica
Followup-To: alt.fan.gooley
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 02:44:44 GMT

In article <MJD.92Nov20100213@saul.cis.upenn.edu> mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Jasper Titus") writes:
>In article <1992Nov19.014112.17447@netcom.com> gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) writes:
>> posterior
>
>`Posterior'.
>
>Hee hee.
>
>Gooley, you slay me.

It seemed the right word, somehow: "buttocks" and "arse" didn't ring quite
right.

Mark., I know it sounds euphemistic
gooley@netcom.com
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: vail@tegra.com (Johnathan Vail)
Subject: Re: dann hat sie sich durch seine Augen gesehn: Endstation Sehnsucht
Organization: Tegra-Varityper, Inc. Billerica, MA
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 15:56:10 GMT



In article <9211172237.AA10285@pierrot.comlab.prg.ox.ac.uk> gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Craig Shergold) writes:

   In London in 1991 there were 393 deaths in
   road traffic accidents, and 185 homicides;                                 /
   I guess the car lobby has hired the IRA to                                /
   try to make the statistics more favourable                               / g

So do car bomb fatalities count as a traffic death or homicide?  Or
merely Jihad Bonus Multiplier points for Allah.


jv <- Sag mir wie die Zeit ist.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: life sucks