From: anon.95@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Religion and a Denial System
Date: 7 Jan 1993 11:01:43 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.95@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


How THAT for a title? Maybe I should put a ***Blasphemy Spoiler*** warning
on this so that God will skip over reading it (just kidding! I think).

Before I start these ramblings, a caveat. I really am a devout Christian,
not some ringer trying to spread Bad News. I love God, but his people...
maybe it's time to throw a flame or two.

I've been feeling quite upset over having no ( <=2 ) real friends within
my faith. It's terribly depressing, because it is such an important part
of my life. I pulled out my ACOA materials a little while ago, and it
suddenly occured to me; the vast majority of people I'm seeing in church or
other Christian fellowship are either in denial, or are not in denial but
go into a denial mode when they're in church.

Comments would be welcomed from anyone, although if you don't mind I've
already heard plenty of "yes, they're all evil fundy mentalists who are
responsible for all that's wrong with the world." These are good people,
but I wonder...

Faking it til you make it...
Talking about feelings you had (instead of feelings you have)...
Denial=control=lack of self-esteem=ego power=compulsive behavior=
  hurting and hiding...
and lots of other things...

Am I running into trouble because I'm surrounding myself with remote
people who never want to get below the surface because they are
unwilling to deal with their own feelings of inadequacy?

*If* this is true (and there's much more I could say, but it's so hard to put
it into words; it fits though), then can someone help answer these questions:

a) Who do you trust, with secrets or anything? I mean, if they're in denial
about their own feelings, even if they give me good advice they (meaning
potential friends) will never let down their guard, so how can we build
trust?

b) Do people who are in denial not share? I.E. maybe no one's close to
anyone. Or am I screwed up because I want to share at a deep level with
people?

Click. I think one of the reasons I'm so mad at them is because I feel the
"remote-niks" are like my dad. Or maybe I'm mad because they're not
smotheringly abusive like my mother. Or...?

c) Where are all the healthy evangelical Christians? I mean, there have to
be *some*. But that question makes me wonder if they're all fine and it's
healthy for them to avoid someone like me. No. Jesus didn't come for the
healthy, He came to heal the sick and set the captive free. We're supposed
to be Christ's presence in the world now. Without being codependent, we
need to be willing to reach out to others, and that includes fostering an
attitude that it's ok to need help (excuse the theological ramblings).

d) Am I making myself sicker by going to church meetings and pretending
everything is all right and making small talk and all when everything is
not all right?  Why isn't there anyone I feel I can share with?

I'm very confused. Please excuse if this is all an unholy (hah!) mess;
I'm trying to be healthy. BTW, this isn't all the fault of others. I've
covered up quite well. Of course, when I have shared in the past, I've felt
2' tall afterwards, getting the "of course we care, don't bother me" look,
and feeling like I should have worked this al out years ago.

TJ


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