From: bradl@informix.com (Brad Levy)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: A positive vacation - Now what?
Keywords: Vacation LDR dating
Date: 18 Aug 92 05:41:37 GMT
Organization: Informix Software, Inc.
Originator: bradl@godzilla


Hello all.  Some weeks back I posted, looking for vacation ideas (after
a rough year in more ways than one.)  What I finally ended up doing was 
driving (2000 miles - not completely sane) to a music and dance camp, where
I was with the same group of about 300 people for a week. That provided a
less lonely environment, with plenty of built-in opportunities for interacting
with other people.  Then when it was over, I spent the remainder of my three
weeks camping my way back home.  The camping (and the time in the car - nearly
500 miles/day, w/noone to talk to and no hands free to write) gave me plenty
of solitude and time to think and reflect. (A recommendation from one of the
replies to my original post.)  The uncertainty of my schedule and lack of time
to linger places while driving home didn't give much opportunity to stay in
B&B's (another net-suggestion), especially as I sometimes wouldn't stop for
the night until after midnight.  Anyway, thanks for the ideas.

Now - the results.  I found (among many wonderful people at the camp) a
very special one.  Not based on lust (though I do find her attractive), but
made special by the ease of communication.  After getting used to people
only partly understanding what I'm trying to say, I was shocked when one
of my poems touched her to tears. (One written years ago, not on a specifically
romantic theme.)  Although we are both the type slow in developing 
relationships (and haven't kissed... yet), it was pretty wonderful when,
on the last night of camp, I asked her to dance again, and when the band 
started a fast dance, she said "darn... I was hoping it was going to be a
slow one...".  We later enjoyed a nice, close, slow dance.  The next morning
we met in town for a picnic breakfast and a walk through the meadow to the
cliffs above the ocean, before parting.  Its all done wonders for my heart and
mental attitude about life in general.  It also leaves me amused at some of
my cabinmates who were far more preoccupied with sex (unsuccessfully, as near
as I could tell).   So I wanted to share that bit of romance with you.

Now comes the question. (You knew there had to be one...)
She is old enough that having kids together is out of her picture. (She
is widowed, and has three now.)  I am younger (35).  I am still unresolved
in my own mind about how important progeny would be to me.  I am afraid of
the relationship deepening quickly (as it feels like it so easily could)
without my resolving this issue first, and then breaking it off if I decide
that fathering a child is too important to me, causing her pain in the process.

Any thoughts on how to proceed while minimizing risk of pain to each other?
(BTW, we currently live 2000 miles apart, so I'm not as worried about
the physical side of the intimacy/possible breakup as the emotional side.)

PS - One of the few areas it seems we didn't talk about was E-mail and Usenet,
     so its possible that she may even be reading online.  If so - watch your
     mailbox...

- brad levy 
  bradl@informix.com - all views, foolishness and pitter-patter of the heart
                       are my own, and not those of my employer.