From: blu@cellar.org (Dan Reed)
Newsgroups: rec.autos,rec.autos.driving
Subject: How To Drive the RIGHT way!
Date: 11 Nov 92 21:45:46 GMT
Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system


                   High Speed driving Tips, by Dan Reed
                                 (Humor)
  This file will help you be a better driver on the great road spans in
the US.  If you follow these simple rules, you will be a safer driver,
and other drivers will thank you for it.
 
1. Never use turn signals -
 
  Who does anyway, after all, who says you need to tell other drivers
what you are doing.  After all its not their business.  Fact is, most
people do not know this, but you don't EVER need to use them on the
highway, they are only supposed to be used for a turn more than 90 Deg.
After all, that sudden bright amber flashing light could startle someone.
 
2. Someone just flashed their lights at you from behind -
 
  Screw'em, who the hell are they to tell YOU that YOU are going to slow
in a fast lane.  I bet they just did that to piss you off.  Give them the
finger, hit the brakes, and slow down.   REALLY piss them off, and make
them pass you on the right.  After all, if you are not in a hurry, why
should they?  Chances are they are speeding anyhow, its your right as a
concerned citizen to make them go slower.
 
3. ALWAYS ride in the left "fast" lane -
 
  You pay taxes right?  Damnit that part of the road is yours, so use it!
Just because you are in this lane, you *look* faster.  Its a fact!
 
4. When traveling in a pack, always tailgate -
 
  Tailgating does two things.  First it lets you "draft".  Drafting, is
what race cars do to save fuel.  In this ever gas crunching world, we all
need to save gas, tailgating can save billions of barrels of oil if every
US driver did this.  Tailgating also lets you "fall asleep" at the wheel,
take your mind off what's around you.  When tailgating, you only need to
worry about the guy in front of you, at this range, you can't take your
eyes off him.  It makes sense to tailgate.
 
5. If a cop has pulled over someone on the side of the road, slam on your
   brakes, and slow down to a craw when you go past -
 
  Who got pulled over!  Everyone has got to know!  Never pass a cop
giving out a ticket when speeding.  After all, he could drop whatever
paperwork he is doing, forget all about the person he just pulled over,
and come after YOU!  Play it safe, on a 55Mph road, pass the cop at
40Mph.
 
6. Ignore all construction signs -
 
  If the sign says "Lane Ends-Merge Right 1 Mile", just stay in the left
lane.  There are always some saps that will let you in at the last
minute.  After all, THEY are the ones the make the traffic jam, by
thinking ahead, and getting into that right lane.
 
7. Never get ready for a toll road -
 
 Hey, when it comes to driving, you can never be too safe.  When a toll
plaza is off in the distance, wait until you get there to find that $2.35
you need to get by.  After all, they would not want you to cause an
accident while looking for that $2.35 behind the wheel.  Wait until you
are a full stop in the toll plaza to find the money you need.  Other
drivers will thank you for your concern for thier safety.
 
 
8. Keep your car how YOU like it -
 
  Who has time to keep their car in tip top shape anymore?  No one ever
looks at thoes little marker lights on the side of your car anyhow.
Don't bother to check out your tires, you could get dirty!  Keep your
windows as dirty as possible, someone could look at you!  You have two
headlights, so when one burns out, don't bother to replace it.  Thats why
you have two lights!  When behind the car, play with the radio, mirrors,
and heater a whole bunch.  After all its, your car, make it how you like
it.  If you car makes a noise, just turn up the radio..
 
I hope you find these tips as useful as most of the drivers in America do..
 
Happy motoring.
Newsgroups: rec.autos