From: davis@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Barbara Davis)
Subject: Re: Any suggestions for when you feel depressed for no reason?
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 17:50:30 GMT

sykopath@leland.Stanford.EDU (Mickey) writes:

>One comment on this...
>1) there are still things which happened *SEVEN YEARS* ago, which will
>make me cringe internally and blush with shame just to remember them.
>(for example: I was part of a Bible Quiz competition once, and after
>the competition (my team won) they asked me to do the closing prayer.
>I thought they just wanted a closing prayer...
>...they actually wanted a closing prayer *and* grace for lunch.
>Everyone laughed at me.
>I felt so small, it's not even funny.
>And...I haven't been really able to pray for a group in public since then,
>because it reminds me of that experience.
>Nor have I told anyone about this since then.)
>2) there is hope!  In fact, for me at least, there is a cure.
>It's so simple, it's almost unbelievable how reliably and completely it works.

>Tell someone.

>Like I just did there.

>It works *much* better in person than on the net...
>...but then, it's much harder to do in person, too.

Funny you should mention this...

Last Sunday,  I returned early from a much anticipated weekend that went
completely wrong.  As I was making my way home, frightened, hurting, and 
ashamed, I was trying to decide how to answer the inevitable questions.  One
particularly humiliating thing has happened that I just wanted to forget, yet
I had big bruises on my hand and arm and both legs that shouted of something
bad occuring.

I finally decided just to tell the unvarnished truth.  No making me look the
victim or my friend the bad guy, no making it worse than it was, or 
trivializing the experience.  Just tell what happened.

As it happens, I tend to tell a pretty good story and can get pretty dramatic
so the story of my fall off of a sailboat turned into a highly entertaining
tale that also acknowledged how frightened I had been and how sore and 
bruised I now was.

The first time I told the story, I cringed waiting for the cries of clumsy and
stupid.  When those labels were not applied to me and when my listener showed
sympathy yet amusement at the drama in my recitation of the incident; I found
the shame slipping away.  Each time I have repeated the story more easily and
now the shame is gone.

And I am able to tell the story of my abortive romance with no loss of dignity
and with no shame.  Shame does not seem to survive the light of day.  I also
can tell the story without making him wrong.  I understand that we both got
hurt.  This, too, is very freeing.

>But if you have a horrible past mistake that you just can't bear to think
>about, consider finding a dear and trusted friend, and just telling them
>about it.  The incredible relief that follows makes almost any amount of
>effort worthwhile to achieve it.

>(I'd give an example of some really embarrassing thing I've dealt with
>this way, but...quite honestly, I can't even remember them anymore...:)

>Your mileage may vary...but I hope this helps you!

>>point of these ramblings is that you are not alone and others of us have
>>gone through the same things. Good luck and good recovery to you!

Yes, I really do believe that I am probably not the only first time sailor
who has fallen off the boat.  In fact, I suspect that even some veterens fall
off occasionally.

>*grateful hug*  Thanks...:)
>I appreciate that.

>*hugs*,

And *hugs* from me, too!

>Mickey "(skilfully curled)" Phoenix.

Barb
-- 
Barbara G. Davis                       Internet:  davis@ucsu.colorado.edu
University of Colorado, Boulder 

                   If I don't ask, you can't say, "Yes!".