Organization: University of Illinois at Chicago
Date: Monday, 31 Aug 1992 10:43:07 CDT
From: <U16244@uicvm.uic.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics
Subject: Re: Marvel Bashing
 <1992Aug28.164306.7434@cbnewsl.cb.att.com>
 <1992Aug30.082005.11599@midway.uchicago.edu>

Alright, I can admit that I have several hopes for Marvel.  I like a few of
their books, and in some others, my heart has just been torn right out.  And
others, they're starting to get on my nerves.  I think first, I'll list my
beefs.

Fantastic Four and Thor: Granted, I liked the idea that the Skrulls pulled the
mindfuck on Johnny, and that Eric Masterton is now Thor instead of stale white
bread Don Blake (although I never did get enough of Sigurd Jarensen).  However,
I have one real beef with each comic right now.
FF: Earth to DeFalco: FINISH A DAMNED PLOTLINE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
Thor: Bloodaxe the Executioner?  Does Mack Bolan know about this?

Iron Man: Tony Starks lives!  In cryogenic sleep?  NO!  NO!  NO!  DIE YOU
PLAYBOY BASTARD!  DIE!!!!!!!!
(Cripes, Stark's harder to kill off than Dracula.  Waitaminnit.  Drac's back?
Again?  Awww fuck no.)

Hulk and X-Factor: PUH-LEASE DON'T GO LARRY AND DALE!  PUH-LEASE!!!!!
('Nuff sed.)

Ren and Stimpy: Their comic isn't coming out for another couple months!
Hurry!  Hurry up!!!!! I can hardly wait!

Captain America: Okay, where's the America in Captain America gone to?
Anybody wanna tell me that?  Next thing you know, he'll end up with
another sidekick (raw meat).

Punisher: You mean someone other than Grell, Dixon, and the original guy
(I keep forgetting his name, you know, the guy who scripted when Jansen
was doing the art) are actually writing scripts for Punisher?  Oh, they're
not writing scripts.  I see.  That explains it. (Hint, hint)

Silver Surfer: Oh!  Woe is I!  Such is my guilt for causing the deaths of
so many worlds, that I may end my suffering now!
Okay, here.  Wave Motion Gun (tm).
VOOORP!

Beta Ray Bill: Doesn't have his own comic!!!!!!!!!

Spider-Man: No adults only series.  Dammit!  I wanna see Mary Jane's bush!
And I also wanna see that Mary Jane/Aunt May/Peter Parker menage a trois
hinted to in a wave of perversion last fall.

Alright, those are my beefs, real and imagined.  Now, we get to where my heart
was torn out by the greedy vultures at Marvel.

X-Men: Almost everything.  Beast is no longer the fun-loving, dashing, devil
may care show stealer that he was in the Avengers (if it weren't for that
Wonder Man team-up, I'd have freaked).  Cyclops' sense of humor disappeared
after one issue.  Storm's acting like a wuss because Forge ran away from her.
(I still say that she should have a relationship with either Logan or Peter.
I'd say Kurt, but he's a continent away, and has his own problems.)  Gambit
exists.  Rogue is being annoyed by Gambit, and IS ABOUT TO GIVE IN!!!!
I just love the characterization and friendship between Iceman and Bishop.
("You wouldn't last five minutes in the XCE."  Wasn't this line is some
piece of heresy called Yakblood or something?)  Cyclops and Jean, what
relationship?  Psylocke exists.  Jubilee is starting to go the way of
Kitty Pride.  No!  Keep her in the damn book.

Avengers: Who's the advertising genius who killed off Vish and Wanda's
marriage?  I know John Byrne set up the situation, but I was assuming that
it would be healed up.  Besides, what's with the piss yellow outfit?  The
Red and Green was a bitchin set.  Herc looks even stupider without a beard
than with a beard, and he's still a brainless cypher.  Toss his ass!  Where
in the hell did Captain Marvell go? (No, not that one, the black one with the
bitchin' body and the interesting personality... oh, I forgot.  You can't
have an interesting personality, a bitching body, and be a Marvel heroine
anymore.)

Wonder Man: Madder Simon gets, stronger Simon gets!  Simon smash puny humans!
Hate weakling Banner!  er, uh, sorry, wrong book.  No wait.  Right book,
wrong characterization.  And it started out extremely well!

Now, the few shining rays of hope.

X-Factor and Hulk: Still have a competent writer at the helms.  Granted,
Factor took a dive in the artwork for the past two, but with first Jae Lee
and then Quesada (loved his cover for the Batman pinup book), things will
recover nicely.  Hulk managed to find a guest penciler for that one match
with Trauma, so that book didn't suffer badly.  Still, I want Sunspot to
join the Factor.  (Peter, see if you can beg and plead for Cannonball to
come back too.)

New Warriors: Gosh!  The titans without angst!  How refreshing!

Spiderman: Except for that wierd abberation with the Foreigner in Web (always
hated that book) things seem to be going smoothly.  And don't go bitchin'
about MJW smoking.  I know that smoking's stupid, but that kind of stupid
is more believable that, oh, say, Liefeld stupid.

Ghost Rider: I loved the first seven issues.  I've seen snippets here and
there, and I like how things are going in that book.  Okay, I admit that
the glow in the dark cover nearly made me wet my bed when I left it out
overnight, but it enhanced the feel of the book for me, and gave me sympathy
for his normal, mortal foes.  However, the die cut throat rip was cheesy.

X-Force: Hahahahahahahahaha!  This is the funniest shit since Byrne started
up She-Hulk.  It's too bad Rob left before he could start incorporating 4th
wall humor.  Oh well, not all funny comics need that.  What?  You're saying
that X-Force is 100% serious?  No way.  Way?  Oh.  And you mean the Godzilla
movies were serious too?  Well fine!  Nex thing you'll be telling me is
that Hobbes only exists in Calvin's imagination!  Well I'm not buying it!
So there!

And that's the way I see Marvel comics.  Plenty of hard bashes, but there
is some hope.

Douglas P. Wojtowicz.