From: radams@cerritos.edu
Newsgroups: talk.religion.misc
Subject: Re: What brought you to atheism?
Date: 7 Oct 92 17:07:41 PST
Organization: Cerritos College, Norwalk CA

In article <1992Oct7.054101.26900@netcom.com>, 
bskendig@netcom.com (Brian Kendig) writes:

> Having decided this, though, I was still hesitant.  A moment's
> soul-searching revealed why: I was afraid.  Afraid that the entire
> framework of what I know to be true would be shattered; afraid my life
> would become more difficult if I had to worship a deity.  But
> eventually even this was overcome; like I said, I _had_ to know.
> 
> Saturday night was the night I was ready.  I knelt by my bed and
> prayed -- not a "hail-mary" sort of prayer, but a prayer to whatever
> might be out there listening, whatever sort of 'god' was in charge.  I
> explained -- to myself, to the darkness, to Beyond, Christian or
> otherwise -- how badly I wanted to know the truth, wherever it would
> lead me.  I begged the silence for some glimmer of godhood to be seen,
> even just some faint sense that there was something special around me.
> In short, I opened the door of my mind.
> 
> There was no one there.  For quite a long time I remained there,
> waiting and hoping beyond hope, but no god ever showed up.  Nothing
> happened.  There was no rush of love and happiness and wellbeing;
> there was no shimmering light; there was no choir of angels; there
> wasn't even any quiet sense of inner peace.  There was only me, my
> bed, and my dark room.
> 
> I've thereby regained my confidence in my atheism.  How can I believe
> in a god who can't be found even when I go looking for him?  If he
> does exist, then why should I believe in him if he hides from me?
> 

God is within you now and all around you. As Paramahansa Yogananda says
(author of The Autobiography of a Yogi), God is not hiding from us, it is
we who are hiding from God. You made a noble effort on one Saturday, but
we have been running away from God for countless incarnations, it hardly
seems reasonable that one evening can change that instantly. Your story
reminds me of a story Yogananda told about when he was a child. He said
that one day, after reading about Krishna, he and a friend decided that
they wanted to see God in the form of Krishna and resolved to meditate
together that night until God came to them in this way. When they started
the vigil that night, they had lots of enthusiasm but after a few hours
the friend of the young Yogananda was ready to give up but he told the
friend to not give up so easily. After several more hours, the friend said
"Mukunda (Yogananda's childhood name), let's go to sleep now" to which
Mukunda replied "You can go ahead and sleep, but I will never give up" and
at that moment he saw the form of Krishna and when he tapped his friend
lightly on the chest, the friend also saw God in the form of Krishna.

The point here is that one must persist in contacting God. God can come
in some form such as Christ or Krishna or Buddha or in no form or as Light
etc. but usually is first felt as a deep peace in meditation. 


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	Roger Adams
	radams@cerritos.edu               To those in whom love dwells,
	Cerritos College                  the whole world is one family.
	11110 Alondra Blvd                             A Hindu Proverb
        Norwalk, California 90650
	USA        		          292 Dwapara :-)
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