From: wcheung@shearson.com (Wansan Cheung)
Subject: musings on relationships (was: Re: Crossing the Line )
Reply-To: wcheung@shearson.com
Organization: Lehman Brothers, Inc.
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 22:00:53 GMT

hi fred!
hmmm. many guys seem to hold approximately the same opinion here about all
the preceived wrongs and injustices done to them by the opposite sex. obviously
one could not make generalizations about all females ( unless one has a super-
cooled flame retardant gear on and many buckets of water on hand ). i think
most of the problems stems from a failure to properly communicate with one
another. femalese is syntaxically and grammatically similar to malese in many
respects. however, there are major differences in the subtle nuances of femalese,
nuances that just could not be translated into malese because such concepts are
extremely difficult to comprehend.
would any fluent femalese speakers help this poor soul out and aid him in learning
the subtle nuances of femalese ? :)
from my experiences, (as pitiful as it may be) females seem to have a different 
preception on social interactions than guys. just to plays devil's
advocate for a moment, the way females (damn! what is a good word to use
without sounding so cold but at the same time non-derogatory ?) think might be in response to a male oriented world. i am not a sociologist but it could be an
interesting premise. 
then again, maybe females have different goals than guys. (no! really ?) i think
guys to this day have not figured out what females are looking for. so, ladies
care to shed some light on the matter ? inquiring male asian minds want to know!
i don't know about if opting for caucasian females would be any different from
any other kind. there has been enough said on that subject in soc.asian-american
that it does not warrant a repeat here.
meeting people is one thing, meeting people in an atmosphere that is conducive 
to conversation and discussion is a whole 'nother matter. one of the biggest
problems is knowing where to go to if one wants to meet people. for this reason, 
i miss the academic environment (ONLY this reason). there at least you can ask 
others (preferrably female if you're a guy) about *PURELY* academic matters and 
use that to segue into *ahem* more social topics.  nyc seems to have a dearth of meeting places for asians. can anyone make a suggestion as to where to go and what
to do ?
---
just my $0.02 worth.
-dave
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In article 2@cs.cmu.edu, wkau+@cs.cmu.edu (Wing Keung F Au) writes:
> In article <Y#G=ry+@engin.umich.edu> hpang@engin.umich.edu (Ho Sun Pang) writes:
> >First of all, the word *is* AMBIGUITY.  The spelling is 100% correct.
> >
> >In article <1ed4huINN3fe@agate.berkeley.edu> bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan) writes:
> >>
> >>I mean, how do you tell if it's a "NO" or a "Maybe"?
> >>
> >
> >The whole ides of my argument is:  NO, YOU CAN'T NEVER TELL UNTIL YOU HIT IT!
> >In the past the girls would just keep a distance from you, to discourage you.
> >Today?  Most of them would be indifference to you.  Will hang out with you,
> >you pay the meals and tickets, of course (that's the gestures of gentlemen,
> >right?), and ask you to take her photos (she keep the film and photos without
> >paying a cent, of course).  
> 
> right, "you can't never tell until you hit it" - it has to be right
> on target, there is too much smoke generated by most hk hype girls.
> 
> i am the type that hate free riders a lot, and i don't like the idea of
> i foot the bills all the time, fine, hang out, "Go Dutch"; and being an
> amateur photographer, i never ever give out my negatives, they are mine
> unless in advance there is an agreement as to who the owner will be.
> if i take pictures of women, i only send them a 8x10.  that's it.  and
> i get particularly sick when some one is trying to free ride me that
> context, knowing that the "friendship" is not going any further.
> 
> > ...
> >At the point, you still couldn't tell whether she used you or not.  There is
> >no way you could prove it.  That's the beauty of ambiguity:  Only the girls
> >would know.
> 
> you call that a beauty, no, i don't; ambiguity is beauty only when both
> have a certain goal (ie, to date) and _both_ proceed cautiously as to
> what pace one should take, what kind of gestures and so on; i don't like
> and i can't bear with the idea of planning for years (i know people who
> have done that) and wait for the moment/opportunity to come and hit.
> 
> >Don't be so happy when you hold her hands for the very 1st time.  I've seen
> >so many girls hyping for boyfriends simply because they simply want to use you:
> > ...
> 
> that is why i prefer to be friends first, sure, there are times/peopl
> you see that you know you "want to know them better" almost immediately;
> but you can see both the GOOD AND BAD things about some one if you
> start out as friends.
> 
> >How sad.
> 
> yes, life sucks!!!  especially right after my mourning period of yet
> another rejection (i am kind of "addicted" to it, 8-) ) by a friend
> for a few months, then not just friend, then not even friend...ok?
> 
> > ...
> >So, want a date?  Apt for an American, they will refuse you immed. without any
> >hestitation if she/he thinks you don't stand a chance.  Most HK people called
> >this OPEN, I'd call this DRAWING-THE-LINE-CLEARLY-SO-NOBODY-WOULD-GET-HURT.
> > ...
> 
> agree, 100%, honestly, the cost of searching and "test driving (by no
> means implying only sex)" is so high if you are working; even getting
> to know more people cost you time (and money).
> 
> so to answer the question asked by the "doc's", i would opt to ask
> her very early just to make sure i am not getting the wrong signals.
> 
> -- 
> 
> 				    FRed W. Au
> 				    ...!cmu.edu!au+, au+@cmu.edu



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