From: afpaeji@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (JIM PAE)
Subject: ATWT - Off My Chest
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: NASA Lewis Research Center
Distribution: usa
Date:  2 Sep 1992 11:36 EST  


Greetings Wardsters --

Alright! Alright!  I have had ENOUGH!  I am sick and tired (and tired 
always follows sick) of this Frantic/H2D who's zoomin' whom scam.  It has 
been nearly a year and a half since Chairolegs was knocked off and this 
nightmare (for US) began.  (Frantic doesn't know stress until she has been 
in our shoes)  It isn't bad enough that we have to deal with Chairo's 
moider, but also LateNate's, and all of these break ins, too?  So much 
garbage has gone on since DanaV squeezed out MurderedKidnapped (my personal 
fav for CaroPup) that I don't think even the writers could put together a 
synopsis for this storyline anymore.

Inevitably, the information that solves this mystery will come from an outside 
source (maybe Hal) who will 
step in and give us the whole story, the most important points to which we 
will have never been privy.  I think that that is a cop out on the part of 
the writers, too.  Instead, I propose a real classy ending: why don't they 
have Anus, CourtMe, duh, and RoseHand get together at the Crawdad Pad and see 
"the woman in white".  Then they could use Frantic as bait and have the woman 
chase her all around the mansion.  As she runs through the kitchen, Frantic 
could trip a wire that turns on the stove.  The tea kettle, that has a 
balloon attached to the spout, begins to heat up thus inflating the balloon.  
When the balloon gets big enough, it tips over a tea cup that falls off the 
counter onto a pancake turner which then flips a piece of buttered bread 
onto an open window.  The impact of the bread causes the window to slam 
down shut pulling open the pantry door from whence a potato falls to the 
floor and rolls onto a mousetrap.  When the trap snaps closed, it tugs on 
the cord to the iron perched precariously on top of the kitchen table. It falls
landing on the back of a chair to which Frantic's ugly orange and red beach 
skirt has been tied.  The garment begins to burn setting off the sprinkler 
system in the house.  As the house is sprayed with water, a beach towel is 
soaked and weighted down and finally falls from the thin string supporting it.  
It slides down the opened laundry chute picking up speed.  When it lands in 
the laundry basket in the basement, the fishing wire attached to it and 
running up the ventilation system is pulled taught and hurls the wicked 
monkey picture into the face of the woman in white as just after Frantic 
runs past.  The YuckPack rush upstairs to find out that the woman in white 
is Mrs. Beasely who was secretly in love with DOA and knew he stood to 
inherit Chairo's estate if H2D and Scary were out of the picture.  Then 
when confessing to the police she could tell them that she would have 
gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddlesome kids!  At least 
I would have some satisfaction this way.

I appreciate the opportunity to vent here, fellow Wardsters.  I think I 
will go take a nap.  No, I think I will go take a few fuschia pills and a 
gin.  Yea, that sounds much more enjoyable.

tooTALL
-------------------------+++++++++++++++++++++++++++-----------------------
Jim Pae                              " I know I'm different, but from now
afpaeji@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov           on I'll try to be the same."
                                         -- Barbra Streisand, 
                                            "What's Up Doc?"
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