Newsgroups: bit.listserv.christia
Date:         Thu, 30 Jul 1992 11:34:56 CDT
From:         CCCHRIS@MIZZOU1.BITNET
Subject:      Divorce and remarriage

Thank you, thank you, and may God bless you, Bernice!  You are abviously a
compassionate person.

No flames intended to Ernest Mueller or Julie Mott, honest!  I waited and
calmed down before posting.  But I cannot imagine you have been through an
intolerable marriage, and perhaps your close friends and acquaintances are
all happily married.  I'm truly glad for you.  But please understand, not
everyone has a marriage that can, or should, be saved.

Just how much forgiveness should one have for a spouse?  Being lied to,
cheated on repeatedly, and watching your hard earned money trickling away
due to his expensive cocaine habit and the expenses of his entertaining
his girlfriends?  How many trips to the pharmacist for medications to
clear up yet another nasty infection, brought home from the wayfarer you're
married to?  (Each time is a potential death sentence in this day and age,
not to mention the humiliation and bitterness that comes with it).  Should
a marriage be saved, even if he's having an affair - with the 14 year old
babysitter you pay out of your own pocket, and trust with your children?
Was it alright for me to draw the line when he refused to quit using his
free-lance photography business to do pornography?  Or should the line be
drawn when he began using my high heals and nightwear for his models?
Was it acceptable for me to get a divorce when he loosened the lugnuts on
my car, hoping to collect my $35,000 life insurance before the divorce
went through?  (Sheesh, I figured I was worth more that that!)

I wish these things didn't happen, but they did, and they were the tip of
the iceburg.  So please understand that not all divorces happen because a
fickle person can't accept a few lumps in their sugar.  Sometimes the issues
are far greater than you can even comprehend, yet even so, I remained with
that man for 16 years.  I prayed and believed until I doubted the existance
of God.  I stood on our marriage until every positive feeling I'd ever had
turned to hatred and disgust.  I stood on that marriage until it crumbled
beneath me, and then I picked myself up and took my kids and built a new
life for myself.  It hurts deeply to hear that now I'm a bigamist, since *I*
got the divorce, and now I'm remarried.  Didn't Paul say it was better to
marry than to burn?  Was I to remain single all my life?  What is a person
trapped in an abusive marriage supposed to do, without offending you, or
God?  Because I searched, and I really saw no other way out, aside of death.
But I had two kids to raise, and death didn't really appeal.  I liked the
saying "Quitters never win, and winners never quit."  I like to think of it
as quitting the marriage, and saving an ailing family.

In a nutshell, are there no biblical grounds for divorce?  I'd really like
to know.  And now, since both my ex and I have remarried, does the Bible
say we're supposed to divorce our new spouses and get back together?  If so,
I'd rather die than return to the hell of that kind of life.

With hopes of a compassionate, loving God,

Chris Reed
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