HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 11:44:35 -0500 
From: "Todd C. Gleason" <tg2k+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: I know she takes me for granted, but...

Excerpts from netnews.alt.romance: 15-Nov-92 I know she takes me for
gra.. Brad Hill@cleveland.Free (1509)

> Subject: I know she takes me for granted, but...
> From: ch617@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Brad Hill)
> Date: 15 Nov 1992 11:44:08 GMT



> thing in return.  I mean, one time I had a personal problem and started
> telling her about it, and her response was:  "Well, I think I'm going to
> go to sleep now."  She tells me (usually over the phone) how she
> likes me more than "just about anyone else she can think of" when
> I try to tell her I'd rather not carry on this one-way friendship.

I know what you mean.  Sometimes, people have a hard time giving back. 
I know I did for a while with one girl I know, but now I have little
problem with telling her how much I want to see her and be with her, and
she instead ignores *me*.

> I think she knows I'm a nice guy, but has no interest in reciprocating.
> She takes up a lot of my time and energy, and I really think there are
> much better ways to spend them, so what do I do about her?  It would
> be worth it if I would get a friend in return, but do you think there's
> a chance she'd change if I "not give up on her"?  This is exactly what I
> feel would happen if I cut her loose.

> Are nice guys nice because they get something out of giving, even when
> there's no return?

Nice guys (I hope I am one) are nice because of the wild hope that being
nice will be recognized for the virtue it is--which it often isn't.  But
we continue to be nice through rejection because we feel that somewhere
out there is someone who will care for us and love us as much as we love
them.

The unfortunate thing is that most people with whom I want to have a
deeply romantic relationship are either not attracted to me, are taken,
or are only interested in sexual relationships.  And vice versa, so it
is not easy to love someone--especially when they may not feel compelled
to reciprocate the sentiment, but to take you for granted.  When this
happens, you have a problem.  I might be tempted to tell you to leave
this person alone, but I don't think I could in your situation, because
I'm not about to leave the girl *I* love, even though she loves me a lot
less than the other men she is seeing.  I'll wait around, and hope that
she will see in me what I see in her, and just keep telling her that I
love her.  Hopefully, someday she will come around more than she is
right now. . . .
  -=Todd Gleason=-               My opinions are better than yours. . .
    -=Cool-Man=-                           . . . but only on Thursdays.
My powers are beyond your understanding!   |  Picard:  Our mission is to go
SLEEP does not exist, does it?             |  forward, and it's just begun.

Xref: sparky alt.romance:14222 soc.singles:31076
From: bradl@neptune.informix.com (Brad Levy)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
Subject: Re: net.hugs?
Date: 17 Nov 92 19:40:33 GMT
Organization: Informix Software, Inc.

In article <31517@hydra.Helsinki.FI> taina@cs.Helsinki.FI (Juha Taina) writes:
>
>I'd like to ask why people share *hugs* and *kisses* on the net.  What
>is the value of them?  Would you also hug and kiss a stranger in real
>life?
>

Perhaps a real-life parable helps answer the question.  Some years ago, when
I was at college, I had to walk back to the dorm in the rain.  When I was 
almost there, I encountered someone heading the same direction while 
waiting for a stoplight to change.  They had an umbrella, which the shifted
so it covered both of us.  I was already soaked at that point, so it wasn't
keeping me from getting any "wetter" (impossible, at the time).  Yet it was
still valued as an act of humanity and kindness.

This is perhaps along the same lines as the .sigs that suggest practicing
acts of random kindness.

Would I *hug* and *kiss* a stranger in real life?  Hug, yes, kiss, no - 
depending on circumstance.  I might be much more likely to offer a hug
at an environment like a church group than on the street.  But thats because
at the church group, the intent is more likely to be clear (human affirmation,
rather than lust).  Similarly, alt.romance is a place where most people
have agreed to be safe for open expression (kind of like a some church
groups).  The electronic media also forms a "filter" of sorts, allowing only
part of the "light" or "emotion" expressed to get through.  So stronger
terms at the "input" end of the posting are appropriate to carry the 
connotation/nuance/emotion that would otherwise be lost due to the medium.
That is not to say that these expressions can't be heartfelt. 

I would also point out that not everyone the *hugs* or *kisses* are sent
to is a stranger to the poster.  I feel I've gotten to know a side of a
number of regular posters here - Dawn, Mysti, Jason, Diana, Stephen, Ed,
Stewart, Michael, Mike, and others, from what they've revealed of themselves
in their posts.  And I'm not shy about showing affection in public to those
I know - so I don't feel shy about showing it on the net, either.  
(You could get "snapped" by a photographer in real life, just as you could
get archived by someone on the net.)  Life isn't completely safe no matter
what you do.  I make the conscious choice to be somewhat open, trusting,
and vulnerable on the net - knowing that those who are likely to abuse
that openness are not those whose opinions of me I would care about.

- brad
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: What kind of flowers?
From: s206001@emu.insted.unimelb.edu.au
Date: 18 Nov 92 13:33:39 GMT

In article <1992Nov11.065744.14161@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu>, rllai@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu (Roberto L. Lai) writes:
> A female friend is having her 21st birthday soon, and I've decided to
> send her flowers.  Now, I know red roses mean love, and white friendship,
> but there are more -- does anyone out there know the rest?  She knows
> deep down I'm crazy about her, so if I send her all red roses she won't
> freak out or anything, but I'd like to mix other colors or flowers in
> so the flowers would be more personal and interesting.  Cost won't
> be a factor, but she's not the type who'd be impressed by price-tags.
> 
> Any suggestions?
Yes I have one yellow is the colour of luck and well being :)...
Hope all goes well
Irene
From: v119qkv2@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (POE)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Attention Advice Givers (ie HELP)
Date: 17 Nov 92 15:08:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <92319.130842SXE105@psuvm.psu.edu>, SXE105@psuvm.psu.edu (S. Elwood) writes...
(a lot o'stuff deleted)

>but really they are far less passive than you might think.  I have been the
>main instigator in MOST of my relationships with guys (ok, except one in High
>School...), including my current one.  Last semester, I met Brian.  He casually
                                                                     ^^^^^^^^^^^
>asked me out to a movie once, really not intending it to be a date.  However, I
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> took the initiative and turned it into one...we started dating about a week or
  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> so later.  Ok, well, we broke up for a while over the spring and summer, but
>then one of the first things I did this semester was let him know that I was
>still very interested in dating him, and planned a number of our dates, this

- Time out!  Can you please explain this to me?  How can a "date" not be a 
"date"?  In my book, when someone asks you out to the movies, and you go, it's
a "date".  So how can you "turn it into a date"?  How could it not be a "date"?
Then, you started "dating".  Does this mean "we went to the movies a few more
times" or "we agreed not to see other people"?  And are you "interested in 
dating him" because "you love him" or because "he's a fun guy to be with"?  Is
it just me or does the English language really suck when it comes to relation-
ships?

(more stuff deleted) 
>                                                                 Stacy
>-Remember Chivalry is not dead.  Or at least, it shouldn't be.

- totally confused
  Mike Poe
From: barry@geovision.gvc.com (Barry Comer)
Subject: Re: Does Anyone Get over Being Lonely
Organization: Not officially GeoVision Systems Inc., Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 03:15:53 GMT

[ Deleted stuff about losing someone ]

	I remember the first person that broke up with me in high school.  It
	seemed like the end of the world for about six monthes.  To make it worst
	I was best friends with her brother and was always running into her(it
	should have been over her 8-) ).  I woke up one morning and asked myself
	what the hell I was doing to myself and decided to MAJORLY get on with
	things.  Shortly after(one month) that I meet another girl that I spent
	two and a half years with(that is another story in itself).

$0.07 (things from the heart are more expensive)
Barry

P.S. Heartbreak sucks.....
-- 

===========================================================================
	I would write a signiture file but I don't have the time.  Then again
	I guess I just did, go figure.  Funnier things have happened.....
Xref: sparky alt.romance:14174 soc.singles:30989
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Date: 17 Nov 92 18:35:55 GMT
Organization: BNR Europe Ltd, London Road, Harlow, England.
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.199.202.41

In article <1e6khkINN9s1@FUNCTOR.SYSTEMSZ.CS.YALE.EDU> loosemore-sandra@cs.yale.edu (Sandra Loosemore) writes:
>casey@stars.gsfc.nasa.gov (Sean Casey GSFC (301)286-4558) writes:
>
>   Any comments from the lurking women about meeting guys at the work
>   place? (It's not my cup of tea...)
>
>I don't have any problems with dating people who work for the same
>company but in a different project or division.  But I would be
>hesitant about initiating a romance with someone I had to work with on
>a regular basis, *especially* if I were that person's boss or vice
>versa.

Agreed 100%. Tried and, errr failed, even. (Well, it *would* have worked
out if she'd been the Right Woman. ;-))

>The main problem I've had with meeting guys at work lately, though, is
>that these days all the ones in my own age group seem to be married
>already.  I'm not sure if that's Yale, or just me getting old and
>decrepit.  :-(
>
>-Sandra the cynic

Well Sandra the cynic, meet Stewart the more cynical ;-)
And just how old is this, I pray? (Just curious.)

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: wish me luck results
Date: 23 Nov 92 17:50:04 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <Q1HTB541@cc.swarthmore.edu> chorwit1@cc.swarthmore.edu (Cathy Horwitz) writes:
>Hi All,
>    Today is Sunday, and I just got a call from "the guy."  he said that
>he couldn't come to dinner, but he was very nice about it and he had a good
>excuse.  He broke up with a two year girlfriend yesterday.  Don't I have
>bad timing.  He said maybe we could do dinner some other time which is
>good.  I think I will introduce myself sometime next week because he still
>doesnt know who I am.  	
>    He has the most beautiful voice.  Too bad that the only time I've
>heard it it was rejecting me.  He said that he was very flattered and sorry
>that he couldn't come.  
>    Now the only problen is how do I get over lusting over him?  I want to
>date him badly, and I'm spending about 50% of my time thinking about him. 
>At the moment there is really no chance, so I wish I could just get over
>it.
>	Cathy
>
Cathy:

I am sorry to hear that you were disappointed. 

I think that I agree with Terrence, who said that you should take this
time to get to know him. It will take some maturity on your part to 
focus on getting to know each other without worrying about whether or
not some romance will develop eventually.

I see three advantages to getting to know him, rather than just trying
to forget about him.

First, you will find out that he is only human. When you don't know 
someone, it is easy to idealize them and think that if only things
had worked out differently, the two of you together would be perfect.
It is hard to think this way about someone you really know. You may
want have a romantic relationship with them, but you know that there
would be negatives as well as its positives.

Second, you will get the pleasure of his company. A lot of what we
want when we go looking for romance is just to interact with someone
who we feel good about. You can do that as his friend.

Third, you will be setting yourself up. You can't always make things
go your way, but you can always make your chances a little better. 
I wouldn't advise trying to be his friend with the idea that you 
are going to be more than friends, but I think it is OK to be 
friends with the added incentive that as his friend you will have
a better chance of being more than friends sometime than if you
are not his friend. As his friend, you will become familiar and
trusted. This will increase the chances that he will develop 
a romantic interest in you.

As for not lusting, all I can say is that trying to repress your feeling
does not work except for very short periods of time. I would suggest 
putting some of your energy into being his friend, and then try to 
put the rest of your energies into getting out there an meeting other
guys. 

Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: aahz@netcom.com (Mean Green Dancing Machine)
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Organization: Don't blame me, I voted for Bill 'n' Opus
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 12:56:56 GMT

In article <1e6khkINN9s1@FUNCTOR.SYSTEMSZ.CS.YALE.EDU> loosemore-sandra@cs.yale.edu (Sandra Loosemore) writes:
>
>The main problem I've had with meeting guys at work lately, though, is
>that these days all the ones in my own age group seem to be married
>already.  I'm not sure if that's Yale, or just me getting old and
>decrepit.  :-(

It's easy!  Just become a ProblemOlderWoman!
-- 
                         --- Aahz (the *other* Dan Bernstein)
                             @netcom.com 

Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6

Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: mcohen@vax.clarku.edu
Subject: RE: fliriting and not knowing it (was: Re: Question For Guys)
Organization: Clark University
Date: 20 NOV 92 15:45:52 GMT

In a previous article, dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) wrote:
>In article <20NOV92.00324238@vax.clarku.edu> mcohen@vax.clarku.edu writes:
>>In a previous article, ph2sct@sdcc14.ucsd.edu (Dzu Nguyen) wrote:
>>>well folks, since we are on this topic...what are some common
>>>flirting actions that some of you use? i'm curious
>>> 
>> [Stuff deleted]
>>Smile a lot.  And what I've found very important - touch, touch, touch.  
>                                                    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>Do *not* do this in the UK or else we will kill you. Yeurgh. :-)
> 
Oh, how depressing!  You people take romance lessons from Chuck & Die? :-)


/--------------------------------------------------------------------------\
| > <    Mitch Cohen * Multimedia consultant * MCohen@vax.clarku.edu       |
|  ^          Any opinions expressed are clearly not my own.               |
|  v     I'll come up with something intelligent to put here later.        |
\__________________________________________________________________________/
From: bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: HELP: Sucks to be me!!!
Date: 23 Nov 92 22:43:20 GMT
Organization: U.C. Berkeley, CS Undergraduate Association
NNTP-Posting-Host: soda.berkeley.edu

In article <92328.36032.J032300@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM> J032300@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM writes:
>Billy - Why the Asian female assumption?  As one, I'm curious ...
>Lori
Lori - Well, Dave's Korean, so, call me racist or whathaveyou, but
Korean guys tend to go for Koreans or Asians (from what I see).  
Plus, with the Asian assumption, then I can speak from my point-of-
view, since I'm most-of-the-time interested in Asian females (though
yes, I'm a guy, so you might say that I'm just interested in females
alltogther :-P ;)   (for those smiley-illiterate, I'm just joking on
that last part)
Seriously though, I don't think (thinking of PC-term) that young
females of European or Near-European decent have the trouble of
lack of communication.  I mean, if they like you, they tell you.
If they don't, they tell you.   (sorry if I'm generalizing, but 
of course, this is mainly from personal experience) whereas, most
Asian females (except for those who are Asian-American and more
American in outlook than Asian) seem to have a tough time dealing
with this.  Why? I don't know.  Maybe I'm totally and utterly wrong,
in which case, I guess I just know the wrong type of people.
Plus, the reason I assumed Asian was because I forgot which newsgroup
	I was in (I also post to soc.culture.hongkong, a predominately
	Chinese group  (that was kinda redundant)) so, David, if I'm
wrong, sorry, and please correct me.  Else, well, I guess I made a
lucky educated guess.
-- 
----------------------------------------------------------------
Billy H. Chan 	<bhchan@ocf.berkeley.edu>   "Life: a strange new
Just Babbling   <bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu>   state of confusion"
Disclaimer 1:   I'm actually a really nice person. (sorta) :) ;)
From: jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu (jason 'Think!' steiner)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Getting Married: Grounds for Insanity Plea?
Date: 17 Nov 92 04:33:26 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4

keithg@cnmhnet.UUCP (keith garrard) writes:
> stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone) writes:
> >Can anyone give me (a minimum) of three good, logical reasons
> >why people should marry?  It strikes me as a silly and unnecessary
> 
> I couldn't agree more, Travis.  I could never figure out
> why people marry either, for the same reasons you described.
> I looked at it like this; I figured that marriage was for life,
> and I notice that the average life expectancy is 75 years old.
> That would mean that if one gets married at age 20, then they
> would be stuck with one person for 55 years!  I just know
> that they would have to get bored with each other.

dunno. i've seen a few couples that have been in love for that long.
seems like a worthy goal to shoot for to me. probably not for everyone,
and most certainly not something to take lightly.

jason

--
`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`
`,`     "Stark raving sane." -- Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead     `,`
`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,` jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu ,`,`,`
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: helie@bach.udel.edu (Ray Helie)
Subject: Re: I'll Call You
Organization: University of Delaware
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 06:44:03 GMT

(Cheryl) oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:

" But I'm wondering if there are any tips on how to tell if
  a guy's just saying it or he really means it (aside from the obvious, i.e.
  waiting for the phone to ring).  How often have you said it, intending to 
  call, but then changed your mind?  And why? "

I can't think of any way you can tell, but it might help to realize 
that not everyone has the same level of honesty and character that you 
do.  Some people are simply not broad-minded enough to avoid using such a 
line.  Once you realize this, and are faced with this situation
again (or ones similar to it), you can easily accept it as further 
proof that people with a lack of character still exist. 
Just revel in the fact that you are above such ignorance.  8-)


Ray  8-)

************************************************************************
   Ray Helie         8-)                   University Of Delaware
   [helie@bach.udel.edu]                   Newark, DE
************************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: petitc@nuge114.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: net.hugs?
Reply-To: petitc@rpi.edu
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy, NY.
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 23:48:48 GMT

In article <1992Nov17.192506.24522@netcom.com>, aahz@netcom.com (Mean Green Dancing Machine) writes:
|> In article <31517@hydra.Helsinki.FI> taina@cs.Helsinki.FI (Juha Taina) writes:
|> >
|> >I'd like to ask why people share *hugs* and *kisses* on the net.  What
|> >is the value of them?  Would you also hug and kiss a stranger in real
|> >life?

  I think people don't *HUG* each other nearly enough.  We all NEED to be
touched.  That's what's wrong with the U.S.  We're too selfish to touch other
people and acknowledge that we DO need other people's attention and affection.
So, we use the only 'acceptable' way to need someone---when you're in love.

-- 
 *HUGS*, a @>---'--,----, and a :&) to whoever needs them.
"Whoever said that life was fair never read the rules, and found out that
there were none."
"Mysteries are for detectives; confusion is what the rest of us get."



Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: jjd1@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (james.j.dutton)
Subject: Re: net.hugs?
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: na
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 18:12:35 GMT

In article <1992Nov18.172758.24014@beaver.cs.washington.edu> dbj@cs.washington.edu (Dave Johnson) writes:
>>
>Soc.singles, on the other hand, is a fairly 'gropey-snarly' group
>filled with nasty, bitter people who like to pick on anyone who
>says anything remotely cute.  E-mail/news tends to be quite nasty
>in it's nature between everyone.  People are just as obnoxious and
>cynical in person.
>
>Here on soc.singles we tend to use other expressions, such
>as <snarf>, <gag>, <SNORK>, and <*barf*>.
>
>Watch out for those cross-posts...and keep on <SMACK>ing.
>-- 
>  Dave Johnson

That was beautiful Dave. :'-(
 
================================================================================
 Ipsissimus of the Inner Order of Sesquipedalian Fruitcakes 
 Sesquipedalian's 'R' Us. ZX-10. DoD#564. There ain't no more.
================================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: mpiet@is.morgan.com (Mark Pietrasanta)
Subject: Re: Being Alone? - Feedback/Survey
Organization: Morgan Stanley - IS
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 17:21:04 GMT

I am looking for feedback regarding relationships that people have
had and what their individual experiences were.  I have a number of
questions for anyone who is willing to spend a little time answering
them.  This is for a paper.

I am specifically interesting in people who have had failed relationships,
either having been broken up with or the person who broke the relations.
Also, either currently 'recovering' or can look at their recovery in 
retrospect.

All comments will be kept confidential.  Please e-Mail me if you are
willing to provide some of your personal experiences.

Thanks in advance.

Mark Pietrasanta - mpiet@is.morgan.com
* * * * * * * * *

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from
mediocre minds." - Albert Einstein

----------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: These responses are my own and in no way reflect the
            views of my employer.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance