HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: k053730@hobbes.kzoo.edu (Philip G. Sells)
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Organization: Kalamazoo College, Chemistry Dept.
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 19:40:56 GMT

In article <1992Apr17.185919.6363@cbfsb.cb.att.com>,
sms@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (steven.m.stein) writes:

>>rawdon@cabrales.cs.wisc.edu (Michael Rawdon) writes:
>>
>>Look, I think it goes without saying that everyone makes their own choices.
>>This thread was started by someon asking for individual opinions.  If you
>>don't think relationships deserve respect, if your conscience doesn't
>>bother you at the thought of actively trying to break up an existing
>>relationship, if you are will to accept the consequences of so doing,
>>then go for it. 
>>
>>--James Preston
>
>I agree with part of what you are saying here.  Although, can you
>respect a relationship without being actively involved in the 
>relationship?

If you can't, then you might as well never be involved in any, ever,
because the social convention of not sticking one's nose in other people's
private business (and what could be more private than an intimate
friendship with someone else?) would mean absolutely nothing.


>I mean, what if a girl is in a relationship where the
>guy belittles her repeatedly.  Without knowing this when you first make
>verbal contact with her, you can't have respect or lack of respect for
>something you know nothing of.

Any relationship is the business, first and foremost, of those who are
part of it.  That doesn't mean that other people can't have anything to
do with that, but what the idea of not being able to have respect or
lack of respect for the relationship suggests to me that someone with
that viewpoint would act toward someone in a relationship as if it
didn't exist at all.  Let's face it... the social environment is
different when there is an intimate connection between two people.
Things are necessarily going to be different for those on the outside
before and during (as well as after).  The fact that this is not
transparently obvious troubles me.

>If she allows things to progress beyond
>the initial chit-chat, and informs you that she is in a relationship, 
>then proceeds to tell you about the relationship, only then can you make
>a judgement of the relationship.
>
>				Steve

True... but making a judgement about the relationship and simply
acknowledging its existence and the implications of its existence are
two very different things.

						Philip Sells
						k053730@hobbes.kzoo.edu
-- 
Philip Sells				Conservatism is, by definition,
k053730@hobbes.kzoo.edu			an impediment.
From: erc@pogo.Corp.Sun.COM (Ed Carp)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Ed and Teresa
Date: 10 Apr 92 01:21:32 GMT
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Mt. View, Ca.
NNTP-Posting-Host: pogo.corp.sun.com

In article <1992Apr9.022834.25112@leland.Stanford.EDU> rna@leland.Stanford.EDU (Robert Ashcroft) writes:

>Ed and Teresa flirt on the net.  Teresa finally calls Ed's bluff and
>tells him to ask her out.  Ed wimps out.  Or is there something else
>going on here?

She did?  When?  Where?

And yes, there IS "something else" going on here...:)
--
Ed Carp                                      415/336-0797 (work)

++ UNIX  SysAdmin, Systems  Programming  Services,  Utilities ++
++ and Programmer Productivity Tools                          ++
Xref: sparky alt.romance:7002 alt.romance.chat:9628
From: kochmar@sei.cmu.edu (John Kochmar)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.romance.chat
Subject: Re: Is this a common thing?
Date: 13 Apr 92 15:16:09 GMT
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: The Software Engineering Institute


In article <92104.092434RJD118@psuvm.psu.edu>, RJD118@psuvm.psu.edu writes:
|> She was afraid that, IF she got pregnant, I would help out financially,
|> whatever she decided to do, but the relationship would basically be over.
|> She says that most of the guys she knows feel this way.

Sure, a lot of relationships break up this way.  It's usually a case of
"I want to date you, and of course I want to sleep with you, but I'm
not ready for the marriage & children deal, so if you get pregnant,
I'll pay for the abortion (maybe), but the relationship is over."

I don't fully understand the dynamics of why it all happens, but the
introduction of an unexpected child tends to break up a lot of
relationships that weren't really serious.  It seems a lot of it is
caused by the emotional trama of having to decide how to get rid of the
child if that is the option the parents exercise, or of the unexpected
changes the child will bring to the people involved.  Then again, I've
seen a lot of serious relationships turn into marriages once an
unexpected child was brought into the picture.

What should concern you more is that your girlfriend thought you would
leave her if she became pregnant.  This seems like a pretty clear
indication that she thinks you think the relationship is transitory
(or, at best, you just aren't ready to make any sort of committment to
her right now.)  If this isn't the case, you might want to sit down with
her and talk things it.  If it is the case, please, *be careful*!  The
lives you don't screw up my be your own!

chocolate john



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Kochmar		 | Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human
kochmar@sei.cmu.edu	 | brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
SEI Computing Facilities |			-Harper's Index, October 1989
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: hevern@cac.washington.edu (M. Hevern)
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Organization: U.W. Information Systems
Distribution: world,soc
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 1992 06:01:27 GMT

In article <4068@ucsbcsl.ucsb.edu>, 6500ursa@ucsbuxa.ucsb.edu (Disco Junkie) writes:
> 1)  Live by the sword, die by the sword./What goes around, comes around.
> 
>    If you do break up, there is a good chance you will break up the way you 
>    meet.  Look at the way she currently talks about her "jerk boyfriend".
>    There's a good chance that YOU will be the "jerk boyfriend" in the
>    future... 

Ten points for accuracy, style, and form. This is *REAL* good explanation.

People don't just change there stripes. The ever popular "I would *never* do that to you." defense is a bunch of s**t. What you see is what you get.

Keep your eyes open, and your feet moving.

-- 	MH (Reallity is so demeaning to your dreams.)
       *--------------------------------*------------------------------*
       | Michael Hevern			| Voice: (206) 685-3229        |
       | University Of Washington	| * "I can't dance...          |
       | Information Systems		|    I can't talk...           |
       | 4545 15th Ave. NE		|    The only funny thing about|
       | Seattle, WA 98105		|    me is the way I walk."    |
       | Mail Stop: JE-41               |       -- Genesis             |
       *--------------------------------*------------------------------*
	Disclaimer: If I said it I probably meant it.  My employer isn't
		responsible for my opinions.
From: zard@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (elizabeth j. montgomery)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Looking for romantic places in Texas...
Date: 7 Apr 92 00:14:43 GMT
Reply-To: zard@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (elizabeth j. montgomery)
Distribution: usa
Organization: The University of Texas at Austin, Austin TX
Originator: zard@doc.cc.utexas.edu

Hey, alt.romancers...
I am looking for  a nice place to go for a weekend in TEXAS...
Does anybody know of places with hot tubs, etc. in Galveston,
Corpus Christie, San Antonio, Austin?

Also, any suggestions about cheap, fun, romantic things to do 
in Austin would be appreciated!
I haven't been reading the conference lately, so please e-mail replies.
Thanks!
Elizabeth zard@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu


Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.couples,soc.singles
From: stcroix@ultra.com (Bill St. Croix)
Subject: testing choices...was Re: Sanctity of relationships
Reply-To: stcroix@ultra.com (Bill St. Croix)
Organization: Ultra Network Technologies
Date: Sun, 12 Apr 92 06:56:27 GMT

In article <1992Apr10.124519.5813@cbnewsi.cb.att.com> Brian.C.Kohn@att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality) writes:
>
>I agree with this statement completely.  Never second guess yourself.

And on multiple choice tests, if you don't know the answer...it is ALWAYS "C".
 
	Bill


---
I don't believe in the stars or the planets or angels watching from
above, but I believe there's a Ghost of a Chance, we can find someone to
love and make it last...
Xref: sparky alt.romance:6904 alt.romance.chat:9492
From: ri0a+@andrew.cmu.edu (Richard Iswara)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.romance.chat
Subject: Re: Split-second in time...
Date: 10 Apr 92 06:26:02 GMT
Organization: Masters student, Mechanical Engineering, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA

Puter tells us:
> 
>	Friday was a pretty normal day. Sunny, cool... Great
>Spring-time weather.
>	At work as usual, I was answering the phone, trying to
>help people with their problems. The phone rings, I answer it,
>and a male voice says...
>	"This is ___ of the La Vergne Police Department. Your wife
>has been in an accident...."
>
>*most of heart wrenching story deleted *
>
>	The voice continues, "She's fine, just a little shaken up.
>She was wearing her seat belt, and it's a good thing she did. I'm
>afraid that the truck looks totalled."

WHEW!! That was close!

>	My heart started to beat again, thundering in my chest
>and ears. My breath came back a little, but the vice was still tight
>on my throat. I squeaked out a "Thank you", and gathered my things
>to run home to you.
> 
>To my wife.... "I love you!"
>

We could never say those enough.

Richard
Official RoadRunner of RFA
From: reyy@vax5.cit.cornell.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Romantic music list
Date: 16 Apr 92 16:16:12 EDT
Distribution: world
Organization: Cornell University

In article <1992Apr16.071039.10747@elroy.jpl.nasa.gov>,
chu@hanauma.jpl.nasa.gov (Eugene Chu) writes: 
> In article <sean.casey.12@EMCB.CC.UTAH.EDU> sean.casey@EMCB.CC.UTAH.EDU (SEAN THOMAS CASEY) writes:
>>	Okay, folks, here's a new concept for this net.  I've read a lot of 
>>complaints about how this has turned into a "bitch.net" about how men are 
>>assholes and women are bitches and nobody can get along with anyone and no 
>>one can get anyone else to be interested in them . . . . and this is 
>>supposed to be a net about romance.
 

> I Can't Help Falling in Love With You
My cousin sang this at my brothers wedding.  Very nice.

I often use songs to express my feelings to people as 
I am very shy, and very afraid to show emotions.  (Yes,
I realize this is a bad thing.)  I'm getting off the
subject.  The song I would add to this list is

You're All I Need   by White Lion

It's kind of a "I wish she knew how I feel" kind of song.


David S. Rowell
REYY@Vax5.cit.cornell.edu
.sig available upon request

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: tyger@netcom.com (Kristen Kohlbecker)
Subject: Re: LOVE sucks. No question about it.
Date: Thu, 09 Apr 92 06:45:24 GMT
Organization: Cuz I'm a Blonde!
Distribution: usa

In article <1992Apr2.044615.10658@leland.Stanford.EDU> wanderer@leland.Stanford.EDU (Anthony William Cannon) writes:
>In article <2_jj6#q.tyger@netcom.com> tyger@netcom.com (Kristen Kohlbecker) writes:
>>In article <1992Mar31.165517.1@pomona.claremont.edu> greg@pomona.claremont.edu (Tigger) writes:
>>>In article <1992Mar31.222556.26258@cbnewse.cb.att.com>, hjanssen@cbnewse.cb.att.com (hank janssen) writes:
>>>> There is no question about it. After living with somebody for a year i
>>>> have found out that  without  question  LOVE  is  the  most  overrated
>>>> emotion ever.
>>>Yup.  It sucks.  Do yourself a favor and give it up before it kills you.
>>Abosolutely...there's no point in going on....all us women are so evil and
>>conniving you don't stand a chance. NOT!

>Hmmm. Could we have a biased opinion here?

Me? Nope....just getting very tired of people in general bashing the other 
half of the people on this Earth in general. If this had been a case of
a female saying that all men were evil, I would have done them to a turn in
much the same way...as I said, there are no absolutes. 

>>You have to exhibit it before it can pay off. Communication helps too. God
>>forbid we should bring any *logical* thought into this pity party. Maybe I'm
>>being a little harsh, but I get really tired of hearing how anything with well
>>developed mammary glands is trouble. Some women are bitches, some men are 
>>bastards. There *are*no*absolutes*!!!!!
>Don't listen to her.  Love sucks, Tyger knows it, Greg knows it, I know it.

You don't speak for me, sir! :) Love is cool...Hell, even when I was single I
thought love was cool...:)

>Hey guys, lets all get together and write hate mail, ok?

*laugh* I like it! :) Send me some? :) I know I'll get it anyway....you should
see my collection from round one.

>>    Tyger (Walking the line between good and evil)

Tyger (Still on the line...I never claimed perfection)


-- 
      Kristen Kohlbecker        If I gave you Diamonds and Pearls,
      kkohlbec@scueng.scu.edu   would you be a happy boy or a girl?   
      tyger@netcom.com          If I could I would give you the world,
                                but all I can do is just offer you
      A Tyger and a Lady        my love...    _Diamonds and Pearls_
 
                       
        
Xref: sparky alt.romance:6984 soc.couples:2070 soc.singles:11057
From: fredw@mks.com (Fred Walter)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.couples,soc.singles
Subject: Re: lying to oneself (was Re: Sanctity of relationships)
Date: 12 Apr 92 15:51:19 GMT
Distribution: world,soc
Organization: Mortice Kern Systems Inc., Waterloo, Ontario, CANADA

robd@cray.com (Robert Derrick) writes:
>: Melony sez...
>: >: There are, indeed, people who can lie to themselves and everyone they meet
>: >: and completely convince themselves they are honest and don't practice
>: >: deception.
>: 
>: >I need to see examples.
>: 
>: How about you look in the mirror?

She was being rhetorical here. I doubt she meant for you bore us with a
point-by-point refutation.

>Why is it so easy to get caustic comments out of this subject,

Because you are coming across as incrediable stupid or naive, and some
people have lost the patience necessary to deal with explaining things
to others that are refusing to believe what they hear and see because
of their stupidity and naiveness.

>but nearly impossible to get to the truth.  Tell us about your self-
>deceptions.  I claim they don't exist, at least not in profusion.

Ok. Try this on for size (you seem to have ignored the alcoholics/etc.
that others have mentioned in other posts) :

	people and their bodies and their often incorrect body images

Have you never run into women (or men) who think they are fat when
they (by medical standards) are not fat ? Women with anex(damn, I forget
how to spell it, that condition that some women (and men too) get where
they think they are too fat, even when they are almost dying of starvation).
These people are clearly lying to themselves and believing it. The proof of
their belief is in their 'dieting' themselves almost to the point of death.

	people with no or low self-esteem

Have you never run into people that are really brilliant and competent but who
are convinced that they are worthless stupid people ? They are lying to
themselves about how stupid they are and believing it.

Or ... 

	fred "my patience just ran out. Ooof" walter
-- 
Disclaimer: everything I post is my *personal* opinion and does not represent
or reflect the opinion of the company which employs me.
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples
From: garvey@skybridge.SCL.CWRU.Edu (Heather Garvey)
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
X-Post-Machine: yukon.scl.cwru.edu
Organization: Smith Undergrad Lab, CWRU, Cleve. OH
Distribution: world,soc
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 92 16:04:33 GMT

haskell@acsu.buffalo.edu (William W. Haskell) writes:
>
>It wasn't my original intention.  I was interested in the girl, but I was very
>much of the attitude at that time that one doesn't mess with the another's
>SO. Ever.  She made it known to me that she was interested in me, which made
>it a very different situation in my mind.  I realized at that point that 
>the choice to stay with her boyfriend or not was hers.  She would make that
>decision with or without me sooner or later.  

	When I first got seriously interested in my current squeeze, I asked
some mutual friends if he had a girlfriend Back Home (If he had one here
at school, he was hiding her very well! :)). Though the general consensus
(and his ID bracelet) said "He's attached.", he was obviously as interested
as I. We were both kinda chicken and let each other know we were interested
without just saying something. I figured he knew better than I where his 
relationship with another woman stood and if he was saying "Yes." then
yes it was. Of course, the day after we got together, I asked him point-
blank "What about this?" meaning the ID bracelet, which he no longer wore
as of that morning. (Figures. :)) 
	He had broken up with his girlfriend over Break, but hadn't felt
like telling the general population and wore the bracelet out of habit
and a desire not to advertise he was back in the meat market. :-) 
	HOWEVER, he *had* already broken up with her. My previous boyfriend
went out with me for two months before he officially broke up with his
ex and that was really bad. (The way he spoke implied that they were 
already broken up, so I never thought to ask specifically) I spent most
of our relationship living in her shadow and always felt like dog meat
compared to the angel he described. (Of course I met her later and she
was nothing near as perfect as he claimed. She was a fun, warm,
energetic person whom I really like - a *normal* person. :-)) 
	So catching people mid-relationship is *always* a bad move,
even if one had no qualms about playing with other peoples' emotions
and relationships. Someone either too messed-up about their own feelings
to either finish or fix a current relationship or someone willing to 
betray a trust is not a good partner.

--
"Oh beloved ice cream bar, how I love to lick your creamy center!"| Heather
"I've been bad, Ren. You'll smack me!"  "You stoopid eeeediot!"   | "Moose"
"Remember, kids -- Only five more days to Yak-Shaving Day!"       | Garvey
"Squeak! Squeak! Squeak, I tell you!" "Happy, happy. Joy, joy"    | R&S in '92!
Xref: sparky alt.romance:6882 soc.singles:10888 soc.couples:2020
From: espen.aarseth@hf.uib.no (Espen Aarseth)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples
Subject: 50 ways to leave your SO (Re: Sanctity of relationships)
Date: 10 Apr 92 09:51:44 GMT
Organization: University of Bergen

I don't want to start a "10 best songs for breaking up other
people's relationships" thread, but don't y'all remember Paul Simon's 
"50 ways to leave your lover", which seems to go directly to the point
discussed here. In the song, the lyrical "I" is being seduced/persuaded
by a "she" that dropping his current SO should be no trouble at all.

I always found this song quietly unbalanced in a way, must be ironic but
can't be sure... and what with that hillarious chorus ("Just hop on
the bus, Gus...).

espen


PERSONAL: RICHH, please come back to alt.prose, you are desperately needed.
          Or at least repost some of your old stuff...
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: rfelix@netcom.com (Robbie Felix)
Subject: Re: What is love really about
Date: Wed, 08 Apr 92 02:22:30 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 


>
>This is why love may not be the most important thing in a lasting relationship;
>commitment and trust and a desire to share a life together are really what
>keeps things going long term. Love is the frosting on the cake: it's lovely
>and it tastes good and keeps the cake from drying out, but it's not the cake
>itself.
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Marcia Bednarcyk                                        ADDRESS: mlb@cisco.com
>"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."
>"... the meaning of life is to be happy, try not to hurt people, and hope
>you fall in love."

Hi Marcia!

A little aside:

I have a very close friend who was seriously considering marrying a
man she didn't love . I guess they were friends and it was nice and
stable(unlike her previous relationship) and other things. She was
somewhat financially dependent on another income,too.

Anyway, she went to the minister of her church to help her decide
what to do. He told her that it was hard enough to make a relationship
work, that love was the "extra something" that made people want to
really work at it. He felt that marriages without love are even harder
to sustain than marriages with love ( which, he implied, are real
tough).

My friend married the guy. Actually I got a postcard informing me of
the wedding after the fact. I feel kind of sorry for her.

I was married at age 17 because I lived in an abusive home and needed
a way out. I liked my husband, but certainly it wasn't love.

While I *really* believe that all the other stuff is critical,( I have
posted about how much I LIKE my man) I think a relationship without
love is kinda sad. 

Just a nickels' worth!

rf
From: grs01153@runt.appstate.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: RE: a question
Date: 9 Apr 92 05:10:37 GMT
Organization: Appalachian State University

OK folks, here is the deal...half of everybody and their brother at Bradley
niversity, where my boyfriend (hi Aaron!!) goes to school, reads this goup and
thinks I am cheating on Aaron. I am not, I have not, I will not.-He is the love
of my life and has made me happier than I ver dreamed I could be. I hope
everyone else can be this happy in their lifetime.

The reason I asked the initial question is that I have numerous friends, mostly
male, on the net with whom I converse and correspond frequently. Mostly I do it
to get new perspectives..I am a writer and new perspectives are my livliehood.

The reason I am posting this is because I have the feeling that a lot of
people who care about Aaron think I am screwing him over, and that is not true,
and I don't think it's fair that he has to justify my actions to anyone else.
I have done so here and if anyone has anything they wold like to say about
my actions in the future, talk to me and we'll settle it.

- 
`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'  
`'Shannon Frady                                     |                         `'
`'GRS01153@appstate.edu                             |        touch me         `'
`'Appalachian State University                      |            turn me on   `'
`'Boone, NC                                         |       burn me down      `'
`'Doo woppa good times                              |                    -ms  `'
`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'
Xref: sparky alt.romance:7270 soc.singles:11490 soc.couples:2168
From: sms@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (steven.m.stein)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Date: 17 Apr 92 18:59:19 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: AT&T

In article <ffD902kDceTM00@amdahl.uts.amdahl.com> jsp@pls.amdahl.com writes:
>rawdon@cabrales.cs.wisc.edu (Michael Rawdon) writes:
>
>Look, I think it goes without saying that everyone makes their own choices.
>This thread was started by someon asking for individual opinions.  If you
>don't think relationships deserve respect, if your conscience doesn't
>bother you at the thought of actively trying to break up an existing
>relationship, if you are will to accept the consequences of so doing,
>then go for it. 
>
>--James Preston

I agree with part of what you are saying here.  Although, can you
respect a relationship without being actively involved in the 
relationship?  I mean, what if a girl is in a relationship where the
guy belittles her repeatedly.  Without knowing this when you first make
verbal contact with her, you can't have respect or lack of respect for
something you know nothing of.  If she allows things to progress beyond
the initial chit-chat, and informs you that she is in a relationship, 
then proceeds to tell you about the relationship, only then can you make
a judgement of the relationship.

				Steve