From: chrisl@stpaul.gov (Chris A Lyman)
Subject: Beware MissApplication of the DickSizeWars!!!!
Organization: City of Saint Paul Public Works
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 16:36:53 GMT

drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux) writes:
> bense@oasys.dt.navy.mil (Ronald Bense) writes:
>> chrisl@stpaul.gov (Chris A Lyman) writes:
>>> kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov ( Scott Dorsey) writes:
>>>> chrisl@stpaul.gov (Chris A Lyman) writes:
>>>>> drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux) writes:

>>>>>> Mr Lyman, you are here with, and here to fore,
>>>>>> forewarned that any more postings of this sort
>>>>>> will be construed as an explicit Call for a
>>>>>> DickSizeWar, and that No Mercy will Be Shown,
>>>>>> No Quarters Offered.

>>>>> Mr. Hampe, let me inform you that, contrary to How Things Are Done
>>>>> in YOUR particular Town of Iniquity, in MY Town of Iniquity, it
>>>>> takes a lot more than QUARTERS to get a young man to show his
>>>>> privates.  YOU have been living cheap for far too long!!!

>>>> While I may not be worthy of participation in a DickSizeWar, my
>>>> stereo speakers are larger than any of yours.  Except maybe cj's.

>>> Bigger than Klipsch Choruses?!?

>> The size of your speakers mean zip if the size of your driver doesn't
>> do them justice. Even *HUGE* woofers need more than a *wimpy* 50W to
>> get any decent response from them.

> Excuse Please, But Speakers are NOT a valid Toteem of a DickSizeWar,
> as their InHerentShape Precludes them from being RealManIsms!

Mr. Hampe, how are you supposed to impress girls of the opposite sex[1]
if you don't have big speakers?

> Were You Both NonMalePerKin, then such a debating point
> would be relevant.

Since we all know that Bigger is Better, speaker size is a perfectly
acceptable metric in a DickSizeWar.  Apparently you are enduring the
shame of living with something tiny like Bose 901s.  Wellll, we all
know that you can't stick a 32-foot organ pipe in a 4-inch speaker![2]

>>> I've often seen stereo-nerds try to pass off their mega-buck systems
>>> as TinySexAnimalPlaceboes.

>> TechnoToyJunkies, these days, as even stereo-nerds are lost with the
>> advent of ComputerControlledWhatJaMaCallItJunkieHEavenToys.

> Now THESE Are Valid Tottems....

Whatever they are, as long as they're BIGBIGBIGBIGBIG!!!

> RealMen[tm]Have BIGGGER Ones than WimpyLittleBoysWithNoDicks.

Damn straight![3]  When you're listening to Rachmaninov's Second Symphony,
it ain't the high happy notes from the flutes that will turn a woman into
silly putty in your arms, it's the cellos and basses.[4]  Gotta have BIG
speakers for those.  BIGBIGBIGBIGBIG!!!

Also, you need to be able to rattle off some impressive-sounding technical
specs for your male friends.  Gotta have BIG speakers for those.
BIGBIGBIGBIGBIG!!!

> ps: brought to you as a Public Service Announcement to
> clarify what are Valid Points of Debate in a MeaningFulDickSizeWar.

Who cares, as long as it's BIG?

> In Like Manner the Size of One's Frat, is also not a valid Token,
> as that too is merely a matter of sublimating one's Unresolved
> Oedipal Complex and the uncertainty one has as to whether it was
> a case of Killing One's Mother to Make Love to One's Father,
> or the Otherway around.

Something for frat boys to work out when the room stops spinning,
I imagine.

> Granted the Rigidity and Length of One's SpeakerWire,
> can justly be Construed as a Valid Manifestation of
> a Call To Arms in a DickSizeWar.

Monster Cable is aptly named, doncha think?


[1] Maynard G. Krebs

[2] Paul Klipsch, the "Dope from Hope"

[3] Puns are in the eye of the beholder.

[4] Where do you think the 'throb' in ThrobbingTotemofTruth
    comes from anyway???

-- 
Chris Lyman  -  email: chrisl@pwcs.stpaul.gov  -  #include <std.disclaimers.h>
 "A conservative government is an organized hypocrisy." -- Benjamin Disraeli
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre