From: an3203@anon.penet.fi (Andrew)
Subject: More on "relationships" (Second try)
X-Anonymously-To: alt.recovery
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 1992 02:32:25 GMT

OK, I delimited the text last time with a "--" which gets
cut off by the Anonymous Contact Server.  Try #2.
        - Andrew
*****

We've had a bit of back and forth discussion about relationships
and getting into them "early" in sobriety and whatnot.

I just thought I would interject my two cents... or actually that
of the "Big Book."  Check out pages 68 - 70.  You'll find the
following there (emphasis is mine):

*****

  Now about sex.  Many of us needed an overhauling
there.  BUT ABOVE ALL, WE TRIED TO BE SENSIBLE ON THIS
QUESTION.  IT'S SO EASY TO GET WAY OFF THE TRACK.  HERE
WE FIND HUMAN OPINIONS RUNNING TO EXTREMES--ABSURD
EXTREMES, PERHAPS.  One set of voices cry that sex is a
lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procrea-
tion.  Then we have the voices who cry for sex and
more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who
think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable
to sex causes.  They think we do not have enough of it,
or that it isn't the right kind.  They see its significance
everywhere.  One school would allow man no flavor
for his fare and the other would have us all on a
straight pepper diet.  WE WANT TO STAY OUT OF THIS CON-
TROVERSY.  WE DO NOT WANT TO BE THE ARBITER OF ANYONE'S
SEX CONDUCT.  We all have sex problems.  We'd hardly
be human if we didn't.  What can we do about them?

  We reviewed our own conduct over the years past.
Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsider-
ate?  Whom had we hurt?  Did we unjustifiable arouse
jealousy, suspicion or bitterness?  Where were we at
fault, what should we have done instead?  WE GOT THIS
ALL DOWN ON PAPER AND LOOKED AT IT.

  IN THIS WAY WE TRIED TO SHAPE A SANE AND SOUND IDEAL
FOR OUR FUTURE SEX LIFE.  WE SUBJECTED EACH RELATION TO
THIS TEST--WAS IT SELFISH OR NOT?  We asked God to mold
our ideals and help us to live up to them.  We remem-
bered always that our sex powers were God-given and
therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly
nor to be despised and loathed.

  Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be will-
ing to grow toward it.  We must be willing to make
amends where we have done harm, provided that we
do not bring about still more harm in so doing.  IN
OTHER WORDS, WE TREAT SEX AS WE WOULD ANY OTHER PROB-
LEM.  IN MEDITATION, WE ASK GOD WHAT WE SHOULD DO
ABOUT EACH SPECIFIC MATTER.  THE RIGHT ANSWER WILL
COME, IF WE WANT IT.

  GOD ALONE CAN JUDGE OUR SEX SITUATION.  COUNSEL WITH
PERSONS IS OFTEN DESIRABLE, BUT WE LET GOD BE THE FINAL
JUDGE.  WE REALIZE THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE AS FANATICAL
ABOUT SEX AS OTHERS ARE LOOSE.  WE AVOID HYSTERICAL
THINKING OR ADVICE.

  Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and
stumble?  Does this mean we are going to get drunk?
Some people tell us so.  Bit this is only a half-truth.
IT DEPENDS ON US AND ON OUR MOTIVES.  If we are sorry
for what we have done, and have the honest desire to
let God take us to better things, we believe we will be
forgiven and will have leanred our lesson.  If we are
not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others,
we are quite sure to drink.  We are not theorizing.
These are facts out of our experience.

  To sun up about sex: We earnestly pray for the
right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situa-
tion, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right
thing.  IF SEX IS VERY TROUBLESOME, WE THROW OURSELVES
THE HARDER INTO HELPING OTHERS.  We think of their
needs and work for them.  This takes us out of our-
selves.  It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield
would mean heartache.

*****

Andrew
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