From: Catherine.Collingwood@launchpad.unc.edu (Catherine Collingwood)
Subject: Re: Taking SO's for granted
Organization: University of North Carolina Extended Bulletin Board Service
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 02:29:26 GMT

In article <AfLi0nC00iV043aH9y@andrew.cmu.edu> "Paul S. Hrynko" <ph2a+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:
>My SO and I have been together over a year and a half.  We are in a LDR,
>an eternal 338 miles apart.  But through all of this we've become
>closer.  We both realize that this is for real, that we were meant for
>each other.  However, recently I've been having a really fun time
>here...and my faithfulness to my SO is starting to approach the grey
>areas
Be careful here.  As someone who was in this side of the dilemma, I can
tell you that being unfaithful can very easily backfire...have you considered
how your (long-distance) SO would feel if she knew about your grey areas?
Or how your would feel if the situation were reversed?  This is one of the
problems of an LDR, and if you ask me, one of the worst.
>
>
>I want to know what other AR's think of physical vs. emotional
>involvement...whether if the emotional ties are strong enough in a
>relationship, if a relationship more platonic or more physical with
>someone at school is possible.  I don't know whether I have the cake and
>want to eat it too, whether I'm stupid, or whether this makes some bit
>of sense.  Sometimes people need to be held......does that make the
>person unfaithful?
Not at all.  People -do- sometimes just need to be held.  I don't know if
you're trying to have your cake and eat it too, because the situation for
me developed to the point that I had to completely sever my relationship
with the person at school...I would greatly advise that you make it extremely,
even ridiculously clear with the person at school that your heart will not
be involved in any of this.
Communication is more essential here than anywhere else.
You also need to clearly and rationally look at yourself.  Are you capable
of carrying on a purely physical relationship?  Can you  have sex or 
whatever with a person -without- your heart being involved?  There are a lot
of people who can't and don't know it.  The bottom line is, are you capable
of keeping your -heart- faithful to your SO?
Are you willing to risk your relationship with your SO this far?

I cannot actively condemn this practice, but as someone who tried it and
ultimately got very, very burned, I would like to advise strong caution.
My So was very understanding and we managed to stay together, but he has
the gift of patience in a way many do not.  And even he told me that he
couldn't handle it again.  Set some priorities.  Know that people do
have limits even if they don't want to admit it.  You are treading on 
very thin ice here.
>
>If one relationship is meant to be, can another develop?
Categorically, not an emotional one if the first one is "the one."


Lady Firebird

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