HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Purity Tests STOP!!!!
Date: 14 Oct 92 18:32:17 GMT
Reply-To: you@ems.cdc.com
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of CDC

In article <1992Oct13.165820.25527@ultb.isc.rit.edu>, kak6279@ultb.isc.rit.edu (K.A. Kirchoff) writes:
|> Would you ALL please STOP asking for the DAMNED purity test!?!?!?!?!
|> If I hear another PURITY TEST request, I'm going to personally fly to
|> where you live and cut off your privates!!!!  And someone who's got the
|> damn test, post the mother.  I'm too tired of people asking for them,
|> OK?
|> Is it too much to ask for?  I know it's kind of funny NOT to post it,
|> but it's ruining the damn net.  And to all you freshmen who reallllly
|> want it, why do you want a 5,000 question test?  If you can answer three
|> a minuite (sp but who cares) at 20 seconds each, that's 
|> 1666.6666667 minuites, or 27.77777778 hours.  If you spend that long
|> trying to find out what your girlfriend has done, she DESERVES to leave
|> you!!!
|> 

I guess you didn'y pass!  ;-)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: baskew@gmuvax2.gmu.edu (PhySUCKs Enemy #1)
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Organization: George Mason University, but they won't admit it.
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 15:23:45 GMT

In article <1992Oct2.003714.19220@syacus.acus.oz.au> roberts@syacus.acus.oz.au 
(Robert Salier) writes:
>
>I thought IBM stood for "I Bought Macintosh"

No.  IBM stands for "I Bombed a Macintosh".  And C-4 seems to work best... B->

-- 
/////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
David Askew aka PhySUCKs Enemy #1                 baskew@gmuvax2.gmu.edu
        And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.  
            "Great," God said, "but I wanted a BUD LIGHT!"
From: hramchan@cwis.unomaha.edu (Harish Ramchandani)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Election Jokes
Date: 8 Oct 92 19:55:25 GMT
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha


Bush on the environment: " Liberty and strip mining for all"
Clinton on family values:" Sure!"
Perot on national debt:  " I'll put it on my Gold card."

The presidential Election date is Tuesday, November 3, 1992.
You need to register to vote.  Technically you can register till
the last day. But then you may not get your registration acknowledgement
in time. So register early.  Call your County Election Commission 
for more information.  For all you know Registration site may be your regular 
grocery store.

IT IS TIME TO STOP JOKING AND START VOTING.

YOUR NOT VOTING MAY BE THE BIGGEST JOKE OF ALL!

This is a public service message from Creighton University, College of
Business Administration.
From: kml@cellar.org (Scott Tiger)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: .sig file
Date: 9 Oct 92 13:41:37 GMT
Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system

tma4@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (TERRY MICHAEL AUSPITZ) writes:

> Hi. This is not really an r.h matter, but I'll post it here anyway since this
> is where I am having th problem.  The net seems to to cut off the last 2 line
> of my .sig file. It should be this:
> + - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - +
> |         ///   ///    ///////                 -=FORTY-TWO=-                |
> |        ///   ///   /////////         We *ARE* The meaning of life!        |
> |       //////////  //   ///     << TMA4@LEHIGH.EDU -=- SES3@LEHIGH.EDU >>  |
> |      //////////      ///           Terry Auspitz        Sarai Spohn       |
> |           ///      ///            Stephanie Ridley       Matt Peck        |
> |          ///     ////////      << SLR7@LEHIGH.EDU -=- MRP2@LEHIGH.EDU >>  |
> |         ///    /////////        "So long, and thanks for all the fish."   |
> + - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - +
> The net is cutting of my last 2 lines. Anyone have any suggestions?
>     -TMA
> -- 
> + - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - +
> |         ///   ///    ///////                 -=FORTY-TWO=-                |
> |        ///   ///   /////////         We *ARE* The meaning of life!        |
> |       //////////  //   ///     << TMA4@LEHIGH.EDU -=- SES3@LEHIGH.EDU >>  |
> |      //////////      ///           Terry Auspitz        Sarai Spohn       |
> |           ///      ///            Stephanie Ridley       Matt Peck        |
> |          ///     ////////      << SLR7@LEHIGH.EDU -=- MRP2@LEHIGH.EDU >>  |


TRY SHORTENING THE DAMN THING!


                     Vidi, Vici, Veni!
   These may not even be my opinions, let alone anyone else's.
  kml%cellar@tredysvr.tredydev.unisys.com - My other account is a Mercedes.
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes,alt.folklore.computers,aus.computers
From: andrew@mks.com (Andrew Hamilton-Wright)
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Organization: Mortice Kern Systems Inc., Waterloo, Ontario, CANADA
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 13:29:48 GMT

In article <1992Oct13.010747.11382@wam.umd.edu> ara@wam.umd.edu (Ford Prefect) writes:
>>> >>Patrick Jordan                      |          _
>>> >>CSIRO Division of Radiophysics      |        // \   I am not a number,
>>> >>NSW, Australia                      |       /( 6 )  I am a free man.
>>> >>pjordan@rp.csiro.au                 |      () \_/
>>> >>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >                                               /|\
>>> >Is this an old fashioned bicycle, or is it      |
>>> >the freely swinging 'Mr. Limpy' with the        |
>>> >numeral "6" tattood on his left plum?   >>>-----
>>> >
>>>  I thought it was either a Hand Grenade or a Perfume sprayer
>>
>>No, the first answer is right. It is a penny-farthing bicycle (I've oftern
>>wondered what these are called in America, where I suspect they did not have

	[stuff deleted]

Actually, another side to the problem is that most people over this side
 o' the pond don't realize how big an English penny is (or is it was with
decimal currency) - and there is even a new design of "penny-loafers"
(shudder) to hold Canadian/US pennied ! : )

(Just my two cents)

-- 
    /||  // // ,'/""\'   Andrew Hamilton-Wright  andrew@mks.com  (519)884-2251 
   / ||/// //\' `\\\     Database(Admin),        Mortice Kern Systems Inc.
  /  |/ /_//  \\___/     56 Scottsdale, Guelph,Ont.   
o/ "Everything is possible except skiing through a revolving door"
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes
From: neely_mp@darwin.ntu.edu.au (Mark Neely, NTU Law School)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: stupid criminal tricks
Date: 11 Oct 92 12:24:09 +0900

In article <1992Oct6.182928.24610@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>, ghuntres@nyx.cs.du.edu (Gary  huntress) writes:
> Someone tried to rob a bank in our town.  He handed the teller a
> note and was so nervous that he passed out cold.  The police were
> called, the would-be robber woke up, ran out the door only to 
> discover that he had locked his keys in the (running) car.
> Gary Huntress

Then there is the bank robber (must have heard this mistake on a hundred
different occaisions) who writes his "Gimme your Money" message on the back of
a letter addressed to himself!

Mark N.

-- 
                    Mark Neely  neely_mp@darwin.ntu.edu.au
    	Articled Clerk & Tutor - Law School, NTU, Darwin NT Australia
DISCLAIMER: The views expressed herein are my own. They do not reflect the views
of my firm nor those of the University. Unless otherwise indicated, the contents
are not a formal legal opinion or advice.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com (Larry Gilmore)
Subject: Re: American joke (oxymoron)
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: TRW Systems Engineering & Development Division, Carson, CA
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 00:46:45 GMT

In article <1992Oct13.205426.11667@nevada.edu> tierney@nevada.edu (TIMOTHY P TIERNEY) writes:
>In article <1992Oct13.164954.4780@wisipc.weizmann.ac.il> jhsegal@wiscon.weizmann.ac.il (Akiba Segal) writes:
>>>
>
>....Hey Akiba.....ya missed a great opportunity to slam him here!
>
>>>Sir: one has to stop and wonder about your bigotry against Americans,
>>>especially when you claim that they are stupid and:
>>>
>>>		1. You consistently mis-spell Fahrenheit
>
>....shithead bitches about spelling, and then.......
>
>>>		4. IRREGARDLESS of it being UNSCIENTIFICAL, it is IRONICAL
>                   ^^^^^^^^^^^^             ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>....uses two words that don't even exist!!!!!!
>

Missed the whole point, didnee?

-- 
Larry A. Gilmore             Internet: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com
TRW SEDD, DH1/2849
P.O. Box 6213                Phone:    (310)764-3318
Carson, CA 90746             Fax:      (310)764-3946
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle
From: blum@news.ils.nwu.edu (Daniel Blum)
Subject: Oracle program available?
Organization: The Institute for the Learning Sciences
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 1992 07:09:55 GMT

Is there a kind soul out there who would be willing to give us a copy
of an oracle program?  This place desparately needs one (although I'm
not sure that they know that yet...).

--
_____________________________________________________________________
Dan Blum           Institute for the Learning Sciences   Room 327
blum@ils.nwu.edu   1890 Maple Ave., Evanston, IL 60201   708-467-2306

"By the power vested in me by my own over-inflated ego, I now 
 declare this bridge officially open."
_____________________________________________________________________

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: tconnors@morgan.ucs.mun.ca (Tim Connors )
Subject: Why?
Organization: Memorial University of Newfoundland
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 1992 13:34:12 GMT

Mighty One,
    Why?

  tconnors@morgan.ucs.mun.ca
      Tim Connors

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: asbestos@nwu.edu (Michael A. Atkinson)
Subject: Them Goddam Woodchucks
Followup-To: rec.humor.oracle.d
Originator: mikea@casbah.acns.nwu.edu
Organization: Chaos
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 11:42:36 GMT


There have been a plethora of Woodchuck questions in the last week or so.

Please, think twice before writing a woodchuck question.  Unless it is
**really** funny and different, it will not get included in the
Oracularities.  (At least, not by me.)

Thank you,


Mike Atkinson
Oracle Priest
-- 
Michael A. Atkinson       | Isn't it just like a Mac user to
asbestos@nwu.edu          | bring a knife to a firefight.

            A Libertarian and an NRA member.
From: dsew@troi.cc.rochester.edu (David Sewell)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #490-08
Date: 15 Oct 92 05:20:51 GMT
Organization: University of Rochester - Rochester, New York

In digest <1992Oct13.220600.29678@news.cs.indiana.edu> oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu writes:

>Selected-By: forbes@icbm.att.com

>The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
>Your question was:

>> Will you consider my cat Geoffrey?

For he is the servant of the Living Oracle duly and daily serving him.
For he leaps up to catch the woodchuck, wch is the blessing of Oracle
upon his prayer.

  --Jubilate Marmoto, by Christopher Pretty-Smart, 1760
--
David Sewell, English Dept, U of Rochester   |  "Every once in a while
  dsew@troi.cc.rochester.edu                 |  an English major is
  dsewell@violet.ccit.arizona.edu            |  useful for something."
  (On leave in Tucson, Arizona, '92-'93)     |     --Anon.
From: echeverr@scf.usc.edu (The Oracle)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularities Digest #488
Date: 10 Oct 1992 12:36:06 -0700
Organization: Oracle, Inc.
NNTP-Posting-Host: girtab.usc.edu

In article <1992Oct9.204216.21674@m.cs.uiuc.edu> chai@m.cs.uiuc.edu (Ian Chai) writes:

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

)############################################################################
)# E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE # E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE # E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE #
)############################################################################
)# _                               _     _      _   _         _             #
)#| |__   __ _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |__ |_|_ __| |_| |__   __| | __ _ _   _ #
)#| '_ \ / _` | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | '_ \| | '__| __| '_ \ / _` |/ _` | | | |#
)#| | | | |_| | |_| | |_| | |_| | | |_| | | |  | |_| | | | |_| | |_| | |_| |#
)#|_| |_|\__,_| .__/| .__/ \__, | |_.__/|_|_|   \__|_| |_|\__,_|\__,_|\__, |#
)#            |_|   |_|    |___/                                      |___/ #
)#                                          _        _                      #
)#                      ___  _ __ __ _  ___| | ___  | |                     #
)#                     / _ \| '__/ _` |/ __| |/ __| | |                     #
)#                    | |_| | | | |_| | |__| |  __| |_|                     #
)#                     \___/|_|  \__,_|\___|_|\___| |_|                     #
)#                                                                          #
)#           May you have a wonderful day and a wonderful year!             #
)############################################################################
)# E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE # E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE # E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE #
)############################################################################

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Stop kissing up.  You still owe the Oracle a pint of Bush's hurl from the
} sushi episode and Bar's favorite lace teddy.
From: plin@alheka.usc.edu (Po-Han Lin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What Else Can Go Wrong?
Date: 14 Oct 1992 21:20:48 -0700
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: alheka.usc.edu

Why is it than sometimes when I hit R in rn, and then edit the message,
and when I send the completed version, it says...

send aborted...  more included text than new text.

What am I to do oracle?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: asnd@erich.triumf.ca (Donald Arseneau)
Subject: birdies
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: TRIUMF: Tri-University Meson Facility
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 08:24:00 GMT

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Why do birds suddenly appear
> every time you are near?
> every time you are near?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Could it be
} You have some seed
} In your hair?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: bxg5360@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularities Digest #489
Reply-To: bxg5360@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Organization: Rochester Institute of Technology
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 13:53:13 GMT

Hi..
I'm new to this conference and noticed that the "Oracle" has answers to
many questions.  This may be a bit off topic, could someone send me mail
or reply to me with the mailing address to the University Of Nebraska 
in the city of Lincoln?
Thanks Y'all in advance!
-Skip
BXG6360@ RITVAX.ISC.RIT.EDU
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: julie@eddie.aero.org (Julie Kangas)
Subject:  No one knows the troubles....
Organization: Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, CA
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 14:19:12 GMT


Sorry if anyone has seen this before but I'm having difficulty getting
out to the world.  Our news is straddling two machines, one
of which is going away, I don't know how many of my posts are 
getting out, my mailer lies to me, and I'm in the
process of setting up a new system and no one can find the Fortran.

Anyway, this is about the 'sore loser post' I made a few days
ago.  Yes, I know it made the Oracularities.  My mailer simply
lied to me when it said 'null message sent' so I thought my response
was gone.

Sorry for the confusion.

Julie
#include "std_disclaimer.h"
#include "witty_sig.h"
From: mcgee@nic.csu.net
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: 490-08, a Correction
Date: 15 Oct 92 17:49:11 GMT
Organization: Information Resources and Technology

Sorry, David....

"For I will consider my cat, Jeoffery" was Jubilante Agno,
Specifically XIX.51.

-Rich "My English Degree Finally Paid Off!" McGee
From: chai@m.cs.uiuc.edu (Ian Chai)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularities Digest #488
Date: 9 Oct 92 20:42:16 GMT
Article-I.D.: m.1992Oct9.204216.21674
Organization: University of Illinois, Dept. of Comp. Sci., Urbana, IL

############################################################################
# E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE # E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE # E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE #
############################################################################
# _                               _     _      _   _         _             #
#| |__   __ _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |__ |_|_ __| |_| |__   __| | __ _ _   _ #
#| '_ \ / _` | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | '_ \| | '__| __| '_ \ / _` |/ _` | | | |#
#| | | | |_| | |_| | |_| | |_| | | |_| | | |  | |_| | | | |_| | |_| | |_| |#
#|_| |_|\__,_| .__/| .__/ \__, | |_.__/|_|_|   \__|_| |_|\__,_|\__,_|\__, |#
#            |_|   |_|    |___/                                      |___/ #
#                                          _        _                      #
#                      ___  _ __ __ _  ___| | ___  | |                     #
#                     / _ \| '__/ _` |/ __| |/ __| | |                     #
#                    | |_| | | | |_| | |__| |  __| |_|                     #
#                     \___/|_|  \__,_|\___|_|\___| |_|                     #
#                                                                          #
#           May you have a wonderful day and a wonderful year!             #
############################################################################
# E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE # E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE # E-MAIL EXPRESS MESSAGE #
############################################################################
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: dsew@well.sf.ca.us (David R. Sewell)
Subject: Re: 490-08, a Correction
Organization: Whole Earth 'Lectronic Link
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 04:03:05 GMT

In <1992Oct15.104912.2893@nic.csu.net> mcgee@nic.csu.net writes:

>Sorry, David....

>"For I will consider my cat, Jeoffery" was Jubilante Agno,
>Specifically XIX.51.

>-Rich "My English Degree Finally Paid Off!" McGee

Sorry, Rich.  The cat in the Oracularity was *Geoffrey*.  
Everyone knows Geoffrey was the cat of Christopher
Pretty-Smart, imprisoned in an insane asylum after
being driven mad by the Woodchuck Question, who
wrote his epic poem on an old Radio Shack 100 he
had smuggled in under his madhouse cloak.

DS, hiding in the WELL...
From: doehr@magellan.den.mmc.com (Brett B. Doehr)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Why?
Date: 12 Oct 92 15:47:20 GMT
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.  
Your question was:

|> Mighty One,
|>     Why?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

"Mighty One"?!  Who does this guy think I am, Mighty Mouse?
Talk about a perfunctory grovel.  Must be a Monday.  And
talk about an original query, too.  Well, a contract is a
contract.  The answer to the implied query, "Why is it that
sometimes questions show up in rec.humor.oracle.d, when they
should show up (with official answers), in rec.humor.oracle?"
Well, it means that either someone posted to the .d, or that
they did a Followup to something in rec.humor.oracle instead
of a Post to that fine group, or that they sent mail to the
wrong E-Post-Office.  Of course, all this really addresses
the "How" more than the "Why".  The "Why" is usually that
they didn't read the scintillating monthly memorandum on
The Usenet Oracle, or that they were dropped on their head
as a small child, or both.  

You owe the Oracle some mail containing "help" in the Subject
line, to oracle@cs.indiana.edu or {ames,rutgers}!iuvax!oracle.
From: Lloyd_Sumpter@mindlink.bc.ca (Lloyd Sumpter)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: BEST for election '92
Date: 8 Oct 92 03:05:06 GMT
Organization: MIND LINK! - British Columbia, Canada
Distribution: world

   I think we should swap votes. We Canadians will vote for the next US
President, and the Americans will vote on our Constitution.


--

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<semi-YAHOO>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
                    Lloyd_Sumpter@mindlink.bc.ca
             "Amiga made it - Commodore screwed it up"
From: stuart@csc.liv.ac.uk (Stuart Mac Glashan)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: An ascii pic
Date: 7 Oct 92 11:35:43 GMT
Organization: Computer Science, Liverpool University
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]


     People have been looking for ascii pics this isn't great but it is an 
 ascii pic, and maybe it won't change your life, but then in this choatic
 world we live in who knows,


            _/\_-_/\_
  /\ ______/  O___O  \   Oink, (well what did you expect me to say?)
  \_/      |  /o o\  |
    \      \__\___/__/
     \   _____  _  /
      |||     || ||
      ---     -- --
From: ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: BEST for election '92
Date: 7 Oct 92 12:17:52 GMT
Reply-To: you@ems.cdc.com
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of CDC

In article <92280.171932JIMSTAN@SLACVM.SLAC.STANFORD.EDU>, JIMSTAN@SLACVM.SLAC.STANFORD.EDU writes:
|> 
|> >In article <deuelpm.717868192@craft.camp.clarkson.edu>
|> >> deuelpm@craft.camp.clarks
|> >>I heard on the radio this morning that there was
|> >> a congressional election
|> >>in Arizona which ended up in a tie vote.  Apparently,
|> >> in Arizona, it is
|> >>allowed to settle the tie with a game of chance.
|> >> The opponents (in "Old
|> >>West" fashon, the newsreader said) played 5-card stud.
|> >>
|> >>The Republican won with a pair of 7's.
|> >>
|> >In Article: <1992Oct6.135839.19371@njitgw.njit.edu>
|> >lxf8351@hertz.njit.edu (lawrence finkel cis stnt)
|> >I've always viewed elections as a big Crap shoot,
|> > ( and don't we ever have
|> >a lot of crap to shoot at? ). I think that we should
|> > allow the candidates to
|> >enter a game of American Gladiator with the winner
|> > being the electee.
|> >Then again Poker or roulette wouldn't be bat methods
|> > for selection either.
|> 
|> How about Russian Roulette?

That's dumb, if all got shot one of the 2 following would happen:

1) Dan Quayle would become presedent
2) Wouldn't make any difference, they would still be the same.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mann_ja@wr2for.enet.dec.com (J. Mann)
Subject: Duck-nuggets
Organization:  WSLMC Sunnyvale
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1992 23:00:24 GMT



 Does any one know how to make duck-nuggets.

















Go duck hunting with 44 magnum  .........
From: lstowell@pyrnova.mis.pyramid.com (Lon Stowell)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Date: 8 Oct 92 20:31:35 GMT
Reply-To: lstowell@pyrnova.pyramid.com (Lon Stowell)
Organization: Pyramid Technology Corp., Mountain View, CA

In article <10559@uqcspe.cs.uq.oz.au> grue@cs.uq.oz.au writes:
>pjordan@rp.CSIRO.AU (Patrick Jordan) writes:
>
>>No, REAL men reject keyboards and just use a soldering iron and wire cutters.
>
>What are wire cutters for?
>
>
    o Trimming your fingernails

    o Removing nose hair

    o Quick haircuts

    o Trimming rosebushes (seriously that's what they sell for
    this.)

    o Impromptu vasectomies for hackers messing with your files.