From: laub@Software.Mitel.COM (Boniface Lau)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.hongkong
Subject: Re: Crossing the Line
Date: 20 Nov 92 17:18:40 GMT
	<zjF=4w=@engin.umich.edu> <1ed4huINN3fe@agate.berkeley.edu>
	<Y#G=ry+@engin.umich.edu>
Organization: Mitel. Kanata (Ontario). Canada.
In-reply-to: hpang@engin.umich.edu's message of 19 Nov 92 00:31:00 GMT

>>>>> On 19 Nov 92 00:31:00 GMT, hpang@engin.umich.edu (Ho Sun Pang) said:
[...]

Ho> In article <1ed4huINN3fe@agate.berkeley.edu> bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan) writes:
Ho> >
Ho> >I mean, how do you tell if it's a "NO" or a "Maybe"?
Ho> >

Ho> The whole ides of my argument is: NO, YOU CAN'T NEVER TELL UNTIL
Ho> YOU HIT IT!  In the past the girls would just keep a distance from
Ho> you, to discourage you.  Today?  Most of them would be
Ho> indifference to you.  Will hang out with you, you pay the meals
Ho> and tickets, of course (that's the gestures of gentlemen, right?),
Ho> and ask you to take her photos (she keep the film and photos
Ho> without paying a cent, of course).

Ho> Now, do you know what's going on?  She may as well said "Well, I
Ho> just consider you as a friend.  Girls are more open now.  It
Ho> doesn't necessary to be your date to hang out with you.  Sorry to
Ho> confuse you".  Of course, some may offer you the money back, and
Ho> of course (again, the gestures of gentlemen) you won't take it.
Ho> Ha ha!

Ho> At the point, you still couldn't tell whether she used you or not.
Ho> There is no way you could prove it.  

Ha, ha, ha.... I found this amusing. Look, there is no one coerced you
to go out with the woman and neither did the woman hold out any
promise.  It is the needs and desire of both parties that brought you
two together.  So, if you are enjoying the company of that woman and
are having fun while paying for all those tickets, meals, etc. don't
complain. To be fair to the woman, one has to remember that she did
not hold out any promise. Who knows, might be she wanted flirting with
you and thought that you had the same thing in mind!

Of course, if you are looking for a Snow White rather than just a
pleasant company, then you better know what you are doing - this
world is not a bed of roses.  In other words, you need a game plan
instead of just playing along with the particular woman. Every step of
your plan should include feedback that you expected from the woman.
The single most important rule in this game plan is that every
additional encounter with the woman should move you a step closer
toward your goal. If you are not following that rule, you either don't
know what you are doing or you do not have the discipline to implement
your game plan. In either case, you get what you deserved.  Earlier, I
posted a quote saying that when you are dating, you should be guided
by your head. This is part of the reason.  Oh, BTW, this stuff about
having a game plan is not about manipulation. It is about taking
charge of your life, knowing what you want and getting it in an
effective way.

Ho>                                      That's the beauty of
Ho> ambiguity: Only the girls would know.

You are giving the women too much credit. There are lots of men and
women out there who do not know what they truly want. There is a
saying, "No wind can be favorable for one who knows not where he's
going."

Ho> Don't be so happy when you hold her hands for the very 1st time.
Ho> I've seen so many girls hyping for boyfriends simply because they
Ho> simply want to use you: Say, ride on a nice Acura Integra, free
Ho> movies, have someone to show-off (yea, my boyfriend is from XXXX
Ho> univ., a Ph.D. and drives a BMW), etc.  Or simply want you to help
Ho> out her homeworks.  Or she's lonely in a foriegn country...

This is very true. 



---
Boniface Lau    (613) 592-2122 ext. 3042    Boniface_Lau@Mitel.COM
Mitel Corp., 350 Legget Drive, Kanata, Ontario, Canada K2K 1X3

When you have a garden full of pretty flowers,
  you don't demand of them,
    "What do you mean? What is your significance?"
       You just enjoy them.
         So why not just enjoy ballet in the same way?       -- Balanchine
Newsgroups: soc.culture.hongkong