From: robertsa@unix2.tcd.ie (Andrew L. Roberts)
Subject: Canonical List of Confusciusisms
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 13:47:07 GMT


Confucius say:
==============

Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!!

Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.

Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town.

Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.

A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.

Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.

Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.

Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission
 grow up to be shiftless bastard.

Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.

Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.

Man with atletic finger make broad jump.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.

He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.

Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss baloons.

Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.

He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.

Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.

Boy with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.

Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night.

Man who is jacking into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.

Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.

He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

Elevator smell different to midget.

Man who lay woman on ground have peace on earth.

Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok. 

America Good Place to Put Chinese Restuarant. 

Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.

When lady say no, she mean maybe
 when lady say maybe, she mean yes
 when lady say yes, she no lady

Man who lay girl on hill not on level.

He who rapes a man's daughter, draws and quarters his
 son, and buries his wife alive in an anthill should not expect to sit
 at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.

He who outruns the cheetah is fucking fast on his feet!

There is no such thing as rape;  Woman run faster with skirt
 up, than Man with pants down. 

Man who take lady on camping trip have one intent.

Man who put head on railroad track
 get splitting headache

He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.

He who refuses to listen is lying.

He who stands in corner with hands in pocket
 doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.

Woman who fly upside down have hairy crackup.

Woman who not practise sex before marriage is sentenced to an
 indeterminate length.

It take square ass to shit a brick.

The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door.

Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands..

Man who is jacking into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.

He who pull out to fast leave rubber behind.

He who stands on toilet seat is high on pot; and
	he who sniffs Coke, drowns.

Lady who live in glass house, dress in basement!

Man who screws near graveyard is fucking near dead.

Boy who play with himself pulls boner.

Man who sleeps with old hen finds it's better than pullet.

Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.

Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
 
Woman who slide down bannister make monkey shine.
 
Man who put rooster in freezer over night have frozen cock.

Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.

Man piss in wind, wind piss back.

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If any one can confirm my spelling of "Confuscius" I'd be grateful.

Andrew