Newsgroups: alt.comics.lnh,rec.arts.comics.misc
Subject: LHN: P.C.Me Part II For It's a Jolly Good Person
From: <JAVOLK@NDSUVM1.BITNET>
Date: Friday, 9 Oct 1992 22:29:07 CDT
Organization: North Dakota Higher Education Computer Network

   Lurking One proceeded to lead P.C.PERSON (not Man, that wouldn't be
very P.C. now would it?) into the heart of the LNH HQ.

   Entering the main room of the HQ, P.C.Person started a fuss.

   Rebel Yell started off.  "Who the #^%@!^# are you and where the #$^%
are Lurking Girls' underwear?  I ought to beat the !$%^&&@$ outta..."

   With that, P.C. reached into his suit and blasted Rebel Yell with his
P.C.Pulse.  When the white light died away, Rebel Yell continued.

   "And who the Ding dang do you think you are with that Gosh Darn thing
of yours...hey, why can't I swear?  I ought to rip your Gee Whiz heart...
   I really don't like this.  This takes all the fun out of mindless
violence."

   "Violence isn't very P.C. now is it?"  P.C. asked as he blasted Yell
again.

   When the light faded this time, Yell stood clad in a silk meditation
robe.

   "You PERSON!"  Yell exclaimed as he dove at P.C. "I'm gonna ... ask
you if you'd like some tea."

   "Thank you very much.  Yes, I would like some tea."

   "I'm confused.  Why can't I tear you limb from limb?"

   My P.C.Pulse is a specially designed device which can alter the
fabric of reality and change it into a deluded Republican view of the
way things ought to be.  I create P.C. from chaos."

   "Well, Gee Whiz.  That's really interesting, but, um, I WANT MY
COSTUME BACK AND I WANT LURKING GIRL BACK TO NORMAL RIGHT NOW!!!!"

    "I am no longer Lurking Girl, I am the Lurking One.  Lurking GIRL
isn't very P.C. you know."

    Rebel Yell turned every shade of the rainbow.  "YOU FREAKIN, ROOTIN
TOOTIN, VARMINT, I OUGHTA RIP YOUR BRASSAFRAKAN HEART OUT OF YOUR. . ."

    Yell's tirade attracted some of the others.  Captain Capitalize ran
into the room.  "MY GOD!  WHAT HAPPENED TO REBEL YELL?  AND MORE
IMPORTANTLY...WHERE ARE LURKING GIRL'S UNDERWEAR?!"

    Cheeezarr watched the fray.  "Lookit, Makkaroni.  This being has
changed Rebel Yell into Yosemite Sam."

    Ultimate Ninja came from overseeing the construction of the Peril
 thingy.

   "HEY!  What in Blue Blazes is going on here?  And where is Lurking
Girl's underwear?"

   "That does it.  I'm changing."  Lurking One stomped off.

   Ultimate Ninja deftly lept the ever increasing crowd scene and landed
in front of P.C.  "Who are you?"

   "My Card."  P.C. said offering a small slip of paper.

   "Hey!  This is really a handy way of retelling your origin so you
don't have to write it out all the time.  Anyway, It says here that you
are a hero."

   "I am."

   "Well, you seem to be wreaking a lot of havoc (oops, TM) in the HQ.
Most heroes save it for the bad guys."

   Cannon Fodder spoke up.  "I beg to differ.  I'm thinking of giving up
the business due to near annhilation by heroes."

   "I see you are in a wheelchair, sir."

   "I could have told you that."  Sister State the Obvious said.

   "It's just a scratch.  Cheeezarr was demonstrating some stuff."

   "Well, No need for that, my Bipedially Impared fried."

   With those P.C. words having crossed P.C.Person's lips, the wheel-
chair disappeared in a flash of light leaving Cannon Fodder standing
there, as good as new.

   Ultimate Ninja (being a ninja and all that) was the first to react.
   "Holy $^%&*!"
   >FLASH!!!<

   "Sorry about that.  Swearing isn't very P.C."

   As the light of the P.C.Pulse faded, Ultimate Ninja stepped forth.
"Sorry about this, but..."  Ultimate Ninja painlessly rendered P.C.
unconcious with a Vulcan Stooge Slap.  He grabbed the P.C.Pulse and
reversed the controls.  (YES!  There IS a big switch that says reverse)
  Rebel Yell was the first to be bathed in a flash of light.  When every-
thing was normal again, Rebel Yell stood attired in his usual uniform,
cussing to beat the band.

   "How did you do it, UN?"  Rebel Yell asked.  "How did you avoid the
P.C.Pulse?"

   "Ninja's are the most mysterious, unknown people around.  Therefore,
it isn't in our natures to be P.C.  I am, quite simply, immune to the
Pulse."

   "But how did he fix me?"  Cannon Fodder spoke up.

   "Quite Simply!"  Adamant Authority on Everything chimed in.  "He
Simply rendered your ailment meaningless by refering to it in
P.C. terms.  He said you were 'Bipedially Impared'."

   "What the heck does that mean?"  Cannon Fodder asked.

   "That's the point.  P.C. terms take the meaning out of everything.
P.C.Person has the ability to heal ailments by rendering them meaningless
"  Adamant Authority continued to explain.

   "Neat!  Well, then, wake him up and give him the LNH sign-up sheet.
And make sure he fills out the tax forms in triplicate."  Rebel Yell
said.  "Oh, yeah, and welcome him to the LNH."

   On that note, Lurking One entered the room in a full suit of plate
mail armor.  "There!  First one to make a stupid comment gets kicked."

   Before turning the P.C.Pulse back over to P.C.Person, he fired it
at Lurking One returning her to her NON-P.C. form and transforming
her armor into a skimpy negligee.

   "Much better."  All of the male members of the LNH agreed.


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| Jay Leigh Volk        |   "Great.  Please add that one to the dead   |
| javolk@ndsuvm1.bitnet |    character file with the rest of them."    |
| javolk@vm1.nodak.edu  |                                              |
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