From: crystal@glia.biostr.washington.edu (Crystal)
Subject: Smart Woman (Was Re: Meeting Special People through Buffett's Music)
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 12:38:15 GMT

In <1992Dec18.082002.21727@rdg.dec.com> tusia@decum.muh.dec.com (Dick Tusia) writes:

>Crystal,

>	Sounds like your "Blonde Stranger"  is one great 
>person, with turning you back onto Buffett and all. Hey 
>anybody that turns somebody onto Jim has goto to be okay 
>right :<}

Yep, he's pretty special alright... :>

>I also know where you are at as far a "even though we live a great 
>distance apart" statement. Because of Buffett's music the great 
>distances in both space and age have not been a problem in
>having great fun with my "Blonde Stranger".

*smile*  Yes, Buffett does seem to help transcend both, though there
is barely an age difference worth mentioning in this case...

>Hey Crystal, be brave listen to "Smart Woman", don't let a bad
>experience from the past allow your future chance at achieveing
>full happines be put in  jeopardy.  Because who knows if that 
>"Blonde Stranger or "that Old Man" could turn out to be that
>special person you have been dreaming of for so long.

Dick, 

There is much more to that song than just personal memories.  There is a 
whole societal outlook that men have with women.  They may say they want
a smart woman, but if she doesn't look good in a short skirt, they will
pass her by.  Hell, if she doesn't have physical appeal, they won't even
BOTHER to find out if she's got a brain in her head (OR a personality).  That
seems to be secondary.  No matter what they *say*, the physical reality is 
there.  And this song epitomizes it.  It is the only song that seems to go
against Jimmy's basic philosophy of open-mindedness.  And it is more realistic
than most folks who find it humorous, imagine.
 
As one who is 5'2, 220 lbs and not all that much to look at, I think you can
see why that song hurts.  I've spoken to women on the net who claimed to have
a "weight problem" and *they* saw the humor, but upon further questioning, their
"weight problem" consisted of 15-20 lbs, so they couldn't understand.  (oh, to
be *only* 15-20 lbs overweight!  They don't see how *lucky* they are!)  No one
who hasn't been there, can understand how much that song can hurt.

This is why I prefer to meet people on the net.  I get to meet their minds,
not their bodies.  Their *minds*, personality, inner selves, are MUCH more
important than the physical.  And yet, every local person I have met through
the net, while we have hit off online, and they *say* "I prefer a person's mind,
too", the reality is, once we have met in person - I never hear from them again.

One fellow at least was "polite" enough to explain that I was too fat to be a 
friend because he saw ALL female friends as potential lovers, and since he could
not imagine ever wanting to make love to a fat person, he couldn't see "wasting
his time" on friendship with a fat woman.  It made no difference to him
whatsoever that we otherwise got along fantastically and had I been thin and
appealing in a short skirt that we likely would be together now.  But at least
he opened my eyes to a way that many men apparently think...

It is this "friends = potential lovers" idea that men seem to have that prevents
the smart woman who wouldn't be caught *dead* in a short skirt from ever
finding happiness.  We don't fit the Madison Ave idea of "beauty and brains",
and men seem to base their manhood on the knockout (usually airhead) on their
arm.  The ability to brag about their "beautiful woman"; the notion that all
eyes are on *HER* and therefore he's a "real man", seems to be more important
in terms of peer pressure/approval than the happiness that comes with finding
a personality that fits naturally, regardless of physical appearance, rather
than one *contrived in his mind* simply because she's so lovely to look at. 
(Certainly there must be *something* he can find to like about her personality,
after all, she's his physical ideal and that outweighs everything!)  Think back
to the way men describe their women after they break up - the first words out 
of their mouths generally relate to PHYSICAL traits, THEN maybe some aspect of
personality is mentioned.  They really can't *describe* her personality in any
detail because they were too dazzled by her beauty to even notice!  Men claim
they can't understand us, but that is because they are too busy LOOKING at us
to really SEE us. *sigh*  I have seen this MANY times and it tells me a LOT 
about how truthful a man is when they say "Yes, I prefer a person's mind, too"
(they don't...)  Hence, we who have no beauty in a short skirt can just forget
meeting anyone off the street or in the usual group settings - we will be
dismissed before our personalities are ever noticed.

The only two exceptions to this that I have found in the last 2 years are my
blonde stranger and one other non-parrothead who lives equally far.  They are
still close and special friends even *after* meeting me in real life over a
year ago...

These two are *true* friends.  People to whom the physical doesn't matter, at
least in terms of friendship.  One of them is also overweight and admits that
yes, weight matters in this society, especially for women, and is always after
me to lose it.  (I'm *trying*, but winter is a b*tch for weight loss!)  The 
other has said not a word...but has wistfully described past women in terms of 
physical traits.  To them, I know I can never be more than just a friend, even
though I love them dearly... (But I can dream, can't I? :>)  Fortunately, love
does not require that the other person return it...   :>

Anyway, I seem to have gone off on a tangent...(I really should find a saddle,
seems I'm always off on a tangent...), but maybe now you can see why that song
touches so deeply, and why it's so damnably hard to listen to with any enjoyment
whatsoever at this time.  I recall being able to listen to it at first, (I seem
to remember music similar to "Volcano" which I dearly love) but then I had an
SO at the time, to whom I *thought* such things didn't matter, but it turned 
out that I was wrong... (He could have been the hunchback of Notre Dame and it
wouldn't have mattered to ME... *sigh*)
 
Crystal

"If you keep living straight from the heart
You will know when to stop and to start..
Once you see that no one really wins,
Then the magic begins... 

Though you know you're gonna hurt some,
The magic will come..."

>Dick

>I'm searching for the spirt of the great heart, to hold and keep me by

>LEF du ist immer auf meiner kopf  :<}

Yes, Dick, me, too... me, too...

;>