HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: kjberte@cray.com (Kurt Bertelsen)
Subject: Re: What is LOVE ?
Reply-To: kjberte@cray.com
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 18 Aug 92 15:33:36 CDT

ankolamb@ucunix.san.uc.edu (Guess Who ?) writes:
> 
> Just a question....
> 
> What is LOVE ??

LOVE is being picked up by the nose like a 6-pak!


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kurt Bertelsen                  I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod.
kjberte@cray.com                I was born in 1518 in the village of 
DoD# 0538                         Glenfinin on the shores of Loch Shere.
86 Miniceptor                   And...I am IMMORTAL.   - Highlander

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Reverse LJBF problem
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 92 21:01:47 GMT

In article <1992Aug14.042335.369@wam.umd.edu> huesmann@wam.umd.edu (Joseph Edward Huesmann) writes:
>I have a question for all of you experts. I've fallen for this young woman,
>and I asked her out to dinner, but she declined because she has a boyfriend (I
>guess I should have realized that someone like her would have one). Now
>that I realize that a romantic relationship isn't possible, at least
>while she's seeing someone else, I'd like to try to become friends with her,
>because she's really a nice person. The problem is that I don't know how
>to try this without having her think I'm still trying to have a romantic
>relationship with her. I do still love her, but I think that my feelings can
>become tempered enough for a friendly relationship. Perhaps I made a
>mistake in falling for her instead of making friends with her...
>
I don't know about you, but I don't decide to fall in love, so I wouldn't
call it a mistake. If you sincerely want to be friends, I think it should
not too hard to convince her of that. Say what you mean and do what you
say, consistently, and she should be convinced. 

On the other hand, if your feeling are ambiguous, then you are not only
going to have trouble convincing her, you will have trouble acting like
a friend. In this case you are probably better off being friendly than
being friends.  It is probably not a good idea to talk about how you
feel if your feelings are ambiguous, but she should have some idea from
the situation and your behavior. Keep in mind that 'boyfriend' is a
temporary position, and you might get a chance to apply in the future.
So (in this case) keep in touch, be pleasant, but don't try to spend
time getting to know each other better.

Peace,
Michael.
---------
The truth is where the sculptor's chisel chipped away the lie. (TMBG).
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: When I am Gone
From: dayrton@eagle.wesleyan.edu
Date: 13 Aug 92 21:41:18 EDT
Organization: Wesleyan University

In article <9208101829.AA27489@regal.cisco.com>, mlb@CISCO.COM (Marcia Bednarcyk) writes:
> In article <1992Aug6.061644.27137@nuscc.nus.sg>, polsak@nuscc.nus.sg (Suzaina Abdul Kadir (Ms)) writes:
> |> Now, seriously, is it as simple as that ? Can people just 
> |> 'just walk out that door' ? Why is it that sometimes, for
> |> so many reasons, you just can't get yourself out of a bad
> |> relationship ???
> 
> You *can* just walk out the door...when you are ready to. Until then, there's
> nothing that can force you away, even if you know it's bad, even if you know
> it's over, even if it's killing you daily...until you reach some kind of
> solid ground inside yourself where you know what you have to do and you are
> prepared to do it, nothing will happen.

From someone that is half in/half out of the slime, I second that statement. 
Just can't quite get up onto the solid ground yet.

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: burger@convex1.tcs.tulane.edu (The Rodman)
Subject: Re: Looking for help
Organization: Tulane University, New Orleans, LA
Nntp-Posting-Host-[nntpd-11223]: convex1.tcs.tulane.edu
Date: Sun, 23 Aug 1992 05:38:20 GMT

In article <22669@sybase.sybase.com> ejs@sybase.com (gator fodder) writes:
>In article <1992Aug19.073433.17786@rniwi.rni.sub.org> frank@rniwi.rni.sub.org (Frank Mogaddedi) writes:
>>So tell me, what would be good ways to start?
>>Or is the rumor right, that you'll never find anybody while you're
>>looking? If that's the truth, I'm looking forward to a _really_ lonely
>>future :-(
>>
>>So, dear netland, what are your opinions? How does one 'look without
>>looking'?
>
>The rumor is true in my experience.  Whenever I went looking I was
>invariably disappointed.  Eventually I gave up and decided to be happy on
>my own, and I met someone almost immediately.
>

  This is not a personal flame, but I can't stand it when I hear adages like
  this perpetuated as the absolute truth and often supported by a sample
  size of 1.  Let's talk about base rates, people.  Let's talk about all 
  those people who have decided to "stop looking" and never end up finding
  anyone.  You rarely hear about them because this strategy of giving up
  the search cannot have truly failed until one is dead.  And then you 
  obviously can't tell anyone about it once it does become true. Or what about  
  all the people who were successful when they did look or who went back to 
  looking after not looking did not produce the desired results?  Certainly
  there are many people who fall into one of these two categories.  But how
  many?  Base rates, people, base rates.  My point is that no one knows 
  the true success rate of finding someone after having stopped looking,
  though it doesn't seem to stop many people from believing in the
  effectiveness of such a strategy.  For all we know, the failure rate could
  far surpass the success rate.

    --The Rodman

----------Form .sig-----------Cut Here-----------Form .sig--------------
Brought to you by ______burger@convex1.tcs.tulane.edu__________.
	 	         (clever handle/net address)

Obligatory Disclaimer:  The (views/flames/falsehoods) expressed above
   are not representative of those of ______________________________.
                                         (reputable organization)

Obligatory Rhyming and/or Philosophical Verse:  The road foresaken,
                                                Is the road worth taking,
                                                For the man unshaken,
                                                In himself.
----------Form .sig-----------Cut Here-----------Form .sig--------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: scott_silverstein@yccatsmtp.ycc.yale.edu (Scot Silverstein)
Subject: How to deal with 3-way?
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: Yale University
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 14:45:53 GMT

I need advice in dealing with a quite distressful triangle.

I was aggressively approached by a woman about six weeks ago at
a train station.  She was all over me with questions, about my
profession, my previous romances (I'm single, NBM, no kids) etc.
Then she was rather blatant physically.

Trouble was, I had no interest in her; she was divorced, 8 years
my senior, and not my type.  Her friend, however, I was interested
in, and asked out.  We had a nice time, but soon after trouble
started developing.

Her friend has some self-image problems and latched onto the first
to try to, I believe, circulate more; this woman is a real go-getter.

The trouble is, to make it brief, I believe the first woman is
jealous of my attraction to her friend.  I believe she has been
badmouthing me, and she has been saying things to me that are
blatanly designed to deflect my intererest in her friend.

I confronted her with these things, and then she really exploded.
"The lady doth protesttoo much" was essentially the reaction.
She now is acting like a protective mother for her child, going so far
as to act as a shield at the train station - encouraging her friend
not to even get out of the car until *she* arrives.

Comments?  Advice?

-- S.
Xref: sparky alt.romance:10825 alt.self-improve:559 alt.personals:17522
From: daniel@oasys.dt.navy.mil (Yvonne Daniel)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.self-improve,alt.personals
Subject: Re: PUBLIC APOLOGY. Suicide and that stuff.
Date: 17 Aug 92 16:59:07 GMT
Reply-To: daniel@oasys.dt.navy.mil (Yvonne Daniel)
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: Carderock Division, NSWC, Bethesda, MD

and never againn think about killing ones self.  May God grant you more
wisdom for many happy years to come. Life is beautiful, you just have
to take time to tread the right roads.

By the way Dont buy any cars from Mt View Buick (grand theft)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: helie@bach.udel.edu (Ray)
Subject: Re: How does this happen?
Organization: University of Delaware
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 21:31:01 GMT

In article <ceWoR_K00WCXQJKH4A@andrew.cmu.edu> 
Rob Earhart <earhart+@CMU.EDU> writes:

" Hmm... I just had a LD relationship end because, as she put it, I HAD
  to be cheating on her, because she was so terrible and lousy, and I
  could easily find someone better here, and she felt awful because she
  was tying me down when I could be having fun, and no variation on the
  words, "I love you," would convince her otherwise. "

I've seen a similar situation where a woman actually said that 
because she didn't want him to feel bad -- what she was saying
wasn't the truth, but it certainly didn't leave any blame on him
or make him feel worthless (which is exactly why she made up this
weird story).
  
" Sigh. People can be so strange at times. I think that in this case,
  she was just too insecure to really, truly, believe that someone could
  love her. "

You may be right -- I can't say for sure that *she* was lying about it, too.
  
" It's been four months, and I still dream of her 'most every night.
  Which I suppose gets into another question: What's the average time,
  after breaking up with someone one truly cares about, before one starts
  having romantic relationships anew? Prior personal experience indicates
  a time period of about a year before feeling comfortable about dating
  again, which seems a bit long... "

Well, it helps if you *want* it to be a shorter amount of time.  i.e.,
if you think it will take a long time, it will, and if you think it
will only take a month or so, it will.  Whether you believe you can
or you can't, you're right!  8-)

I *still* think about my ex-RP, but it doesn't mean I have to continue
being upset about it and hold off dating other people.  I've
wanted to get over her so that I could move on and date again, and
I finally feel like I'm ready.  I can't say that would have been the
case at this time if I was continually thinking "Man, it's going to
take a long time to get over her.  I miss her *so* *much* 8-( "  instead 
of "Ok, she's gone.  It really hurts, but I'm going to 'lick my wounds' 
and let them heal so that I can move on as soon as I'm able."

Bottom line: be careful what you believe in/think about -- you will most 
likely get it.  8-)  Good luck to you!


Ray  8-)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: love and solitude
From: ecuckow@eagle.wesleyan.edu
Date: 21 Aug 92 16:37:07 EDT
Organization: Wesleyan University

While I was reading the Rilke letter I just quoted, I found some other things
that seemed interesting. I'm choosing to be alone a lot right now, so these
observations hit close to home...what do you all think about them? One of my
exes spends no more than a week between relationships, because he hates to be
alone ("why should I be alone? I just get depressed.") I think he (like a lot of
people) jumps into a new relationship to avoid HIMSELF, not to be WITH the new
person.

	You should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact
that there is something in you that wants to break out of it. This very wish
will help you, if you use it quietly, and deliberately and like a tool, to
spread out your solitude over wide country.

	It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is 
difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it. Everything alive holds to
what is difficult, everything in Nature grows and defends itself in its own way.

	Learning-time is always a long, secluded time, and so loving, for a
long while ahead and far on into life, is--solitude, intensified and deepened
loneness for one who loves.

- elizabeth
From: mrichey@mothra.nts.uci.edu (Mike Richey)
Subject: Re: gift made with hair
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Organization: University of California, Irvine
Date: 14 Aug 92 08:55:57 GMT
Distribution: na

In article <16089@ucdavis.ucdavis.edu> ez006237@jane.ucdavis.edu writes:
>Hi, everyone
>
>I need your suggestion and imagination.  My boyfriend's birthday is
>coming soon.  I want to give him a gift that has my hair on it.
>I have quite long hair and he loves it, unfortunately we are living in
>different city and he doesn't have many chances to touch it, so I want
>to made a gift with my hair or buy a gift and put my hair on it, but
>I have never done this and have absolutely no idea what I can do.
>
>Now you wise people, if you did something like this or got something
>like this, could you describe it?  If you haven't, use you imagination
>during break and share your inspiration with me.
>
>Lots and Lots of thanks.

know any deadheads? get a hair wrap, cut it out and send it to him.
From: lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: COMPUTER RELATIONSHIPS
Date: 14 Aug 92 00:03:30 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.

In article <1992Aug13.202738.11162@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>, lhartman@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Lori L Hartman) writes:
|> For a couple of months now, I have been communicating with someone over the 
|> NETWORK.  We n'talk and/or send e-mail messages to one another every day, and 
|> we have spent many hours talking on the phone.  There seems to be an attraction
|> for the other on both of our parts.  We plan to meet for the first time Labor 
|> Day weekend.
|> 
|> Does anyone have any experience with meeting someone you've met over the 
|> NETWORK?  How did it turn out?  What was the meeting like?
|> 
|> I appreciate any response.  Thanks.
|> 
|> Lori

Hi, Lori!
 
I've never met anyone from *this* network, but I've had a number of dates
with men I've met on another service over the past 6 years.  The results
were mixed at best -- some quite nice, others utter disasters.  Preparation
seemed to be the key ingredient that determined the level of success.

My advice?  Based on my experiences:  DO NOT set your expectations too
high.  If possible, exchange photos before you meet.  There's a certain 
element of "fantasy" involved in net romances, and you'll face the reality 
when you meet face to face.  From a logistics standpoint -- I assume he's
coming to visit you from out of town, right?  Will he be staying with you?
How will you handle it if it *doesn't* work? (this actually  happened to me
-- I was absolutely convinced that I was deeply in love with this guy, and
after a few hours, it was quite clear to both of us that it simply was NOT
going to work -- but we'd already driven to the resort, and were basically
"stuck" together for the weekend.  NOT a good scene.)

Geez, I just re-read what I wrote and it sounds sooooo pessimistic! :-)  I
didn't intend for it to sound that bad -- just to point out some possible
problems.  I had one net romance that was pretty successful until we
both agreed that the LD relationship just wasn't going to cut it.  We were
seeing each other at least once a month, but that wasn't enough.  I'm
working on more local possibilities these days. :-)

Best of luck to you and your net.sweetie!
-- 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|    /)                      | Lana Mountford    
|   / /  __    ___    __     | Silicon Graphics  
|__(_/__(__)\__/  )__(__)\__ | Mountain View, CA 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: jeff@tct.com (Jeff Witzer)
Subject: Re: AIDS: What the Government Isn't Telling You
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 15:38:06 GMT
Organization: TC Telemanagement, Clearwater, FL

In article <1992Aug12.200812.9377@uoft02.utoledo.edu> steiner@jupiter.cse.utoledo.edu (jason "Think!" steiner) writes:
>jeff@tct.com (Jeff Witzer) writes:
>> hoff@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Wildfire) writes:
>> 
>> >There is a lot of paranoia out there, but the only people who need be 
>> >concerned are those who are promiscuous and/or have unprotected sex,
>> >drug users, and those who need blood transfusions.  
>> 
>> [...]  Everyone needs to be concerned (maybe
>> aware is a better term), EVERYONE...monogomous heterosexuals, virgins, 
>> everyone.  This is NOT a gay disease.  This is NOT a punishment for the 
>> promiscuous.  This is a primarily heterosexual disease, worldwide.
>
>y'know, i've heard the above paragraph dozens of times, but it still doesn't
>make sense. if i'm doing all you can to keep from getting AIDS why -should-
>i worry? if i get it there's nothing i could have done & if not there's no
>use bothering. HIV couldn't care less what i know or how "aware" i am.
>only my actions will affect my risk.

The point I was trying to make was:
    Be AWARE of the risks.  Act accordingly.
    Be AWARE of your status (infection-wise).  Act accordingly.
    Be AWARE of your options.  Act accordingly.
    If you're not aware of your situation, you cannot make the intelligent 
	decisions to "do all you can to keep from getting AIDS".  Please get 
	the facts.  Knowledge is power...
	
No preaching intended, BTW. 	

>you're right. this is NOT a gay disease. it is NOT a punishment for being
>promiscuous. it IS all too often a consequence for risky and promiscuous
>sex. the reason it's a heterosexual disease worldwide is that people
>worldwide engage in (::gasp::) risky and promiscuous sex.
>
>so. can anyone explain to me what good worrying about AIDS is going to do?

Worrying, in and of itself, doesn't do any good (unless ulcers and headaches
are what you want)...but it might keep you aware (there's that word again).
Don't obsess about it, just think about it.

>wow that's simple. i think i'll go fix a sandwich.

Sounds good, I think I'll join you...

>jason "singing que sera sera" steiner

Take care

jeff
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: SADAGOPAN@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Sriram Sadagopan)
Subject: general
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 18:26:33 GMT

hi!this is sriram sadagopan an indian grad student at
ohio state univ,columbus.i'd like to know if girls
ohio state univ,columbus.i'd like to know if girls
From: alti@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Thorsten Altenkirch)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Vacation..all i ever wanted...
Date: 14 Aug 92 17:46:55 GMT
Organization: LFCS, Edinburgh
In-reply-to: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu's message of 13 Aug 92 21:39:07 GMT

In article <1992Aug13.213907.21438@news.ysu.edu> ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott) writes:

   Where is the most romantic place in the world?  

Venice in November.

T.
--
************************************************************
Thorsten Altenkirch		alti@dcs.ed.ac.uk
LFCS, Edinburgh
Scotland
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: nelson@eastrg1.cray.com (Christine Nelson)
Subject: fantasies 
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 17 Aug 92 14:16:26 CDT

okay...

what are some of your favourite fantasies?  (ie. unusual places 
for making love, particular scenarios, etc...)

c
because everyone is always looking for 
new ideas




+===============================================================+
Christine Nelson           Going out of my mind...   
nelson@eastrg1                     ...back in 5 minutes.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: pashdown@javelin.sim.es.com (Pete Ashdown)
Subject: Re: How does this happen?
Organization: Evans & Sutherland Computer Corporation
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 21:41:56 GMT

pfleming@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Patrick E Fleming) writes:

>So what in the hell makes people feel so damned undeserving of love?  Why can't
>some people allow themselves to feel loved?  Why can't some people indulge 
>themselves in the right to be imperfect and still be loved anyhow?

Because, in a sense, it is boring.  No challenges, no moral stimulation, and
usually no intellectual stimulation.  Lovey dovey is fun for about a week, but
then you have to think about the rest of your life.

I've recently discovered that if you make it a "privilege" for the other
person to go out with you, then it IS a privilege for them to go out with you.
If they give you a hard time, let them know to their face of your
disatisfaction.  Don't sit back and whimper about how you'll never meet
another person like them, so you have to "take whatever they dish out."  YOU
WON'T meet another person like them, but you WILL meet someone who is better,
or worse, but always DIFFERENT.  TRUST ME, the best way is to respect
yourself.  Believe that you are better off alone than with someone who doesn't
respect you and suddenly the world becomes a different place.  I'm dealing
with a girl right now who has strung guys along on chains, and loves it.
She's having fits because her manipulatory garbage doesn't work on me.  Every
time she does something that makes me angry I tell her, and she gets quite
upset as well.  However, EVERY time I slam down the phone or SLAM the car door
I find her calling me back a few hours later, walking up my doorstep, or just
somehow meeting me in an apologetic state.

Is this "jerk" behavior?  I don't think so.  I've had a few tearful
confessions on this group before about past romances, but I've never had as
much success as I have had since I stopped taking the garbage and started
respecting myself.  You can still be a "nice guy" without being an emotional
wimp.

Just remember the Mark Twain quote, "If you don't like solitude, perhaps you
bore other people as well."
-- 
			  I'm not wearing any pants.

DISCLAIMER: My writings have NOTHING to do with my employer.  Keep it that way.
Pete Ashdown    pashdown@slack.sim.es.com    ...uunet!slack.sim.es.com!pashdown
Organization: Arizona State University
Date: Friday, 14 Aug 1992 15:55:42 MST
From: <ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET>
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How long does it take *you* to make love ... ?
 <1992Aug12.192946.24375@unislc.uucp>

Ed Carp asks:
"Hmmm. . . what made you change your mind and date him?"


And for the sheer pleasure of sharing a bit of personal romance story -
I mentioned that we had spoken of my breaking heart - I was dating his best
friend, while Eric was the one fixing my broken sink.  (Don't ever put
fishbowl gravel down a sink grinder, BTW :)   .)  Apparently, he later
confessed, that was when he decided I would be good to date.  (Much other
history deleted.)  When he asked me out, I thought it was for mutual com-
miseration, Valentine's Day, which I hated, and we had both lost loves
recently.  HE had other ideas, turned it into a date in mid-dinner.  After
as I said earlier, three days of seeing each other once per day for a few
hours, I looked at him, and thought, "He's everything I've ever wanted for
a mate, and I DON'T love him.  Bummer.  How can I fix this?" So I held my
nose (figuratively) and jumped him (literally).


Although it's not a technique I'd necessarily advocate, we were both right.
I think I may have talked myself into loving him, and it's stuck.  Sometimes
I think that may be the firmest basis of love - I was allowed to see inside,
because the visible outside wasn't "my type."

Anyhow, that should cover this particular love story.  :)


Stefani A-L