From: murphyg@Software.Mitel.COM (Gary Murphy)
Newsgroups: sci.psychology
Subject: Re: Restarting emotional development
Date: 5 Oct 92 14:29:03 GMT
Organization: Applications Software II, MITEL Corporation, Kanata, Ontario,
	Canada
In-reply-to: IO20594@MAINE.MAINE.EDU's message of 4 Oct 92 16:07:32 GMT


"Re-parenting" was one of the least frightening terms to suddenly appear
in my wife's vocabulary after only two or three 'sessions'; I will try not
answer your post in depth, as I may wax slanderous. :-P

In article <92278.120732IO20594@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> IO20594@MAINE.MAINE.EDU writes:

   Some things that come to my mind are the following:

	  Gaining the young adult person's trust.  No doubt a terribly
	  difficult task considering (s)he got zippo from her biological
	  parents for 2 decades.

Accomplished in two sessions.  All details of her therapy were kept
secret from me, so I don't know how it was done even now.  I _guess_ it
has something to do with Fritz Perls assertion Gestalt can hook a sucker
in 15 minutes (ok, I'm paraphrasing ;-) and Bandler's Structure of
Magic.

	  probably thinks and uses reason at least as well as anyone else her age.

Sadly, this is not saying much.  Bradshaw reaps 7-figures, and Courage
To Heal sold 800,000.  Hands up those who've seen Oprah ...

	  What part, if any, would this play in the arrangement?

None that wouldn't shock a responsible parent if seen in the playground.

My wife was given the book "The Flock" to learn how to portray MPD
properly (sorry, Stephen, but it _was_ prior to all symptoms).  I was
deeply distressed not only by how irresponsible this "reparenting" could
be, but even more by how my wife would hold this up as a shining example
of Perfection in Parenting.  Hands up everyone who's parents calmly
abandoned them, never lent them money and never tried to pass moral
judgement. 

	  WHat about discipline?  I don't think it would be appropriate to
	  say, "go to your room, your behavior is appalling."

You can go to Est for this.  What about morals: right or wrong, parents
are the only people in a position to 'teach' this because you cannot
punch them in the face (usually).  Parenthood is best described as a
Benevolent Dictatorship.

	  I would think that setting limits/setting personal boundaries would
	  be quite appropriate.

In Real Parenting, you work a lot toward the opposite, but yes, the
Mock-Parents do force their characteristic New Age narrow-mindedness on
their victim, and with much tender and absolutely no-commitment concern.

	  And finally, what about the demands that would be put on the mentor-
	  (s)he would be doing alot of giving and not getting much back, at
	  least emotionally.  How could someone handle that?

By piling on even more lipservice.  Besides, you get to write a book.

   Hope to hear others' thoughts to any part of the last part of this post.

I have said far more than I wanted to and will only add this: My wife's
Papa-pretender is now a third-rate UFO buf-foon anxiously awaiting the
return of 1991VG (An upper-stage West German launch vehicle) to whisk
him away to join Other Biblical Heroes in the True Kingdom of First
Officer Adonai's Commander.  Pseudo-Momma spent God knows how much to
fly down south somewhere to learn how to roll down a hill while paying
at least $20/hr to have an Eritrean woman play with her own children.

My wife is in Morita therapy now, and distrusts it as Morita would have
preferred. She puts in the effort, and her behaviour is _much_ improved,
who's to say why.

--
Gary Lawrence Murphy/murphyg@software.mitel.com/mitel!software!murphyg@uunet.ca
 Mitel Corp - 350 Legget Drive, Kanata, Ontario, Canada - (613) 592-2122 x3709
"Trying to subdue a wave by striking it only results in a thousand waves"
                        - Dr. Morita Masatake