From: jfurr@polaris.async.vt.edu (Joel Furr)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,alt.fan.lemurs
Subject: starting smaller next time (Was: Re: SCDOWN)
Date: 15 Dec 92 20:29:38 GMT
Organization: Escape from Blacksburg, VA

In article <1992Dec14.135810.12988@bsu-ucs> 00sgmoses@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu writes:
>:Burro Love
>
>I am posting this gospel of the Burro in hopes that we here at Ball State are
>not the last of the great horse haters.  Our numbers are dwindling in the face
>of modern religion and widespread horse breeding, but we will survive. Any
>comments via e-mail are welcome.
>
>The Story Of Pepe: In the Beginning
>
>In the beginning, god created Burros, and the Burros were good.  They far
>exceeded his hopes he had for his first try at creating life, humans.  The
>burros were invited into Eden after the first man and woman were exiled.
>Again, his only request was that the burros not eat from the tree of knowledge.

>So it went, for many years the burros froliced amidst the wonders of Eden. The
>most boisterous of the burros created was named Edward, son of Hubert, son of
>Skippy of the house of Dewy(not to be confused with Wilendorf who was a little
>taller than Dewy).  Anyway, Ed was in the orchard with his brother burro,
>Phil. Ed said to Phil, "why don't we take a bite of the fruit of the tree of
>knowledge, maybe the big guy is not so uptight about it anymore"  Phil said
>unto Ed (being a true and good burro)"I don't think this is wise, god will be
>pissed."  Ed, in an act of defiance, ate an apple from the tree, and suddenly
>realized that he was not a burro at all, but a horse!  God appeared immediately

>and said "Who took a bite now?"  Ed hollered at god (horses are so stupid) why
>did you not tell me I was a Horse??  God knew immediately who the culprit was,
>but he asked Phil to test his honor, and Phil told him the whole story.  God
>said unto Ed, " from this point forward, all of your kind will walk on all
>fours, and have no joy from licking burros.  You will beg for sugar cubes and
>carrots, and APPLES from those stupid humans for the rest of your days. You
>will be cursed among burrokind, they will shun you.  You will be forced to
>help humans, they will ride your back and you will pull their garden
>implements.  They will dress you in silly colors and ride you in circles and
>make you count for them."  After that, god rested and kicked out all of the
>horses and burros.  He kicked over the tree of knowledge and burnt the garden
>to the ground muttering something about starting out smaller next time.  So thi
s
>began the eternal rift between the cursed horses and the saintly burros which
>we so adore now.

Right, and when God "started smaller next time," he made the Lemurs.  The
Lemurs lived happily in Eden for many millenia, not caring a whit for this
Apple of Knowledge that they weren't supposed to eat.  It made God kinda
annoyed that the Lemurs didn't even _want_ any of the Apple, much less the
knowledge or whatever that comes from eating it.  It was as though they were
saying that they were too uppity to want a measely apple.  God thought about it
for a while, then got rid of the Apple and the Tree of Knowledge altogether and
made a replacement: the Twinkie of Knowledge.  God lined all the Lemurs up and
said "Right.  I don't want any of yez eating this Twinkie of Knowledge, and if
you do, I'll kick your butts outta here."  Much to God's surprise, the Lemurs
made a mass rush at the podium and gobbled the Twinkie of Knowledge down in no
time flat.  God kicked them out and decided to take up model airplane building
as a hobby instead.