From: barb@sq.sq.com (Barbara Burrows)
Subject: Christmas Tree Summary (Long)
Organization: SoftQuad Inc., Toronto, Canada
Distribution: na
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 92 14:58:03 GMT


I'm resending this.....I sent it yesterday....or I thought I did...but there
seems to have been trouble with our system....I think....maybe...I sometimes
have trouble with newfangled things like keyboards and vcr's and
coffee makers (but that's another story - and these things DO SO know when
it's me operating them!).....  so I'm sending again. 

Original Message: 

I can't believe the response I got from my plaintive posting concerning
a toddler and the Christmas tree....and then continuing on to whine
about how to handle everything...and the stress of it all.  Thanks to
everyone who responded.  Aren't you all wonderful (especially the 
one who was so worried about me).  

I thought I would post a summary of SOME of the responses (names and
identifiers have been changed to protect the helpful but shy).  

First, though.....here's what happened (so far!).  We went out to 
slaughter a tree in the name of Christmas on Saturday.  (We go to
a tree farm - they plant 1,000 trees a year...on previously barren
land....about 200 get cut down each year...and they've been doing this
for almost thirty years and have quite the tree lot...hundreds of
acres actually......just wanted to be politically apologetic for our
barbarous actions.)  The kids love it because we park the car and they
take you out to the lot on a hay wagon....you roam up and down tons of
rows of trees looking for THE perfect tree....everyone shouting "over here"..
"come see this one".  Finally after about an hour when we've selected
and deselected THE tree....oh, not tall enough....not straight enough...
too spindly on the bottom....too spindly on the top.....finally (I think
fatigue and cold are factors here) we settle on one.  Drag it back to
the hay wagon which always manages somehow to find us so we don't have
to drag it too far....although we should as penance.  Then back to the
starting place where the owners provide a camp fire and hot chocolate and
general good feelings and then home.

So, what do active 14 (almost 15) month olds think of this?  Pretty nostalgic
(already!) for me....he was in a snuggli on my chest this time last year.
Well, he was verrrrry quiet on the hay ride.....loved....loved...loved....
roaming through the trees calling out to each other....he did his fair share 
of "Wayadada!!" and other such indecipherable calls...very cute in his snow
suit and boots waddling through the trees...falling in the snow ....he didn't
seem to mind at all.  He was very curious about bringing this large thing 
into the house....and watched while we decorated it (still needs tinsel 
though).  What I decided to do was not to just say "NO!" when he approached 
the tree...but to go with him and say "Be careful, ouchy!"  And so, he 
reached out to touch the lights and I said "Careful baby, ouchy!"....he 
looked at me....at the lights...touched anyway...and pulled his hand back 
quickly from the hot light.  I repeated it..."Careful, ouchy!" nodding my 
head.  He nodded his head.  Then he reached for the tree...."Oh Oh, ouchy" 
says I.  Sure enough, the needles pricked his finger.  He looked at me 
nodding while I said "Ouchy".  And that was that.  Wait....this is too 
easy.  Maybe, that reserve will wear off by Friday.  Right now though he 
seems to be ignoring the tree.  He did try to get an ornament but his hand 
hit the needles first....so, he seems to be content to ignore it.  He's 
also ignoring the tree at his Grandmother's house.  Sigh.  Worry for 
nothing?  But, I'm SOOOOOO good at it!   

Anyway, thanks for all the advice and good wishes.  Here's the summary.

=======================================================================

I'm big on letting my son explore as much as he wants.  How about
starting with a live tree, with a big heavy base so it won't tip over.
Then, only put lights on the top of the tree, out of his reach, and use
the "little" christmas lights which don't get hot to be extra.  Use only
unbreakable ornaments, and put some fun ones on the low branches for
your child to play with.  

========================================================================

1.  Buy a 4-foot artificial tree and put it on the top of a (sturdy) table.

2.  Buy the regular full-size Christmas tree, securely anchor it to the wall or
ceiling with fishing twine or some similar clear material, and put nothing on
the lower branches that is breakable and/or extremely precious to you.

As with all aspects of life after parenthood, you have to pick and choose
what's most important to you.  I think it's more important to give the kids a
happy and safe Christmas than to satisfy relatives or coworkers, so that's
where I put my emphasis.

=======================================================================

What we tried to do was to first make sure the tree wouldn't
tip over, and second, to have ABSOLUTELY NO glass ornaments
or lights on the tree when the kids were little.

=======================================================================

    The idea of a fence is not out of line.  I would skip the electricity.
    various methods we have used are: 
    Get a small tree and put it on a table "out of reach"
    Put a baby fence around the tree
    Hover - doesn't work, that's why we added the fence.


=======================================================================

Anyway, my suggestion is to try a small tree, put on only things that are
expendable (at least on the bottom half) and let your son enjoy the
Christmas spirit.

======================================================================

I had a 17 mo at this time last year - wish I had some of your husbands
ideas!  :-)  We just made sure that the cords for the lites were at the
back of the tree and mainly inaccessable to her, and that the tree was
secure in the stand.  Her main curiosity was for the ornamants - she loved
taking them off the tree.  We tried to put ornaments with strings, not
metal hooks, on the bottom of the tree, so if she did get an ornament we
didn't have to worry about her jabbing herself with the hook.  

=======================================================================

Take a deep breath, make lots of lists and do a little at a time.  
Don't try to do everything at once and ask for help if you need it.

Relax and put on one of your favorite Christmas Records!!

=======================================================================


The best thing we've done to restore some of the enjoyment of the season is
to write off a lot of self-imposed obligations.  Examples: we used to make
candy -- truffles by the thousands, literaly -- as gifts for our adult
friends and relatives.  It took a whole weekend.  Now we send gifts to the
kids and ignore the adults.  We used to make our own cards -- multicolor
printing, the works.  Now we buy 'em on sale *after* Christmas and send them
when we feel like it.  We used to throw parties as if we were trying to put
Martha Stewart out of business.  Now we sponge off other people :o) and have
parties in January and February when everyone has cabin fever and wants a
break.  And so on.

The rule of thumb is that if something makes *our* house prettier or *our*
kids happier, it stays on the list.  Relatives and friends fit in if there's
room, and don't if there isn't.  They still seem to like us.

And, don't forget, when the UPS driver knocks on the door on December 29th,
the package looks just as good to your remote relatives as it would on the
23rd :o)  So if you put off shopping for a few people, the world won't end.

One last tip: pretend (convince yourself and your husband) that Christmas has
been moved to the 24th this year.  Do all the last minute crazy desperate
hair-pulling stuff accordingly.  Then, when the evening of the 24th arrives,
tuck your little bumper into bed and discover that there's nothing to do but
relax.

What works for us is along the lines of "These are meant to be enjoyed with
your eyes.  But if you *really* want to touch one, you can do it with *one*
finger."  Then we put wooden and cloth ornaments on the bottom of the tree,
glass on the top.  And I hang bells on the lower branches, so if there's a
little unsupervised exploration taking place, we get a bit of a warning.

===========================================================================

I have said since birth, that I cannot be a good wife, good parent 
and good employee all at the same time.  At any given time, wife or 
employee suffers (never parent, that's *too* important).  You need
to expect less from yourself.

Do what traditions have the most meaning for you, either "hire" 
someone to do the others (i.e. buy cookies) or give them up.  Things
do get better as the child gets older.  By giving up some things, you 
get to develop new traditions.  My favorite new tradition, which does 
answer your original question, let me tell you about kids and trees.

Yours is a toddler, right?  Toddlers are into bright, shiny and lights.
Ooooh, weeeeeeeeeeeee and you want your kid to not touch it?  Perish the
thought.  No way, Jose.  It's not gonna happen without some creativity.

Here's what we did.  I have a "Victorian" tree, all glass and crystal
and painstakingly collected ornaments.  The year my son was 18 mos., my
heart nearly stopped everytime he got near the tree.

Soooooooooooo, I bought him a one-piece 3-foot tree.  I got him a 
set of battery operated lights which my husband "taped" extra carefully
and I made him cloth ornaments stuffed with polyester quilting batten.

Now, the child can't be left alone with this type of thing, because it
is possible to chew through the cord on the battery operated lights, 
although my son never even considered (as far as I know) putting the
lights in his mouth.  

He loved that tree.  He dragged it from room to room.  He re-arranged his
ornaments.  He hungs some of his other toys from the branches (we used 
loops of ribbon for hanging, no metal hangers).  I've added new ornaments
every year and he's graduated to real, plug in lights, now.  

It's his tree.  He's fiercely proud of it and every visitor must come to 
his room, first, and ooh and aah over his tree.  

So, see, I protected my tree, started a new tradition and gave my son 
a lotta holiday joy.  Isn't creative parenting wonderful?

========================================================================

This method (the play pen) works very well.  It has been done before, here 
on the net, in my parents home, in friends' homes... (we don't have a playpen,
my husband is against them (i don't know why!) but I would do it if we did).
Mainly, don't go for the HUGE stuff.  Go for the fun and easy stuff you and 
your immediate family (husband and kids) REALLY enjoy and want.

=========================================================================

1) Let him touch certain ornaments only if Mom or Dad are right there and
   give permission.  Let him help decorate.  It satisfies some of the
   curiosity.

2) Be more persistant than he is.  Make it clear to him that you don't want
   the tree touched.  By 14 months old a child has learned that if he
   pretends not to understand, then Mom and Dad might not make him follow
   the rules.  He understands plenty, believe me!!!

3) Put the tree in a little used (but not never used :-)) room.  If the baby
   spends a lot of time in the den, put the tree in the living room.

4) Since he doesn't like the playpen anyway, use the playpen to block the
   entrance to the Christmas Tree room.

=========================================================================

I have to tell you my father's solution to your problem. When my sister was
little, about 18 months, he cut down a christmas tree out in the woods. It
looked great in the woods however, when he tried to put it in the tree stand
it was seriously leaning. He kept cutting off the bottom, getting more
frustrated by the moment, trying to make it stand straight until our six foot
tree was about two foot tall. We put it on the room divider that year. It was
well out of my sister's reach. I'll never forget that tree.

==========================================================================

I'd believe it. *You* won't believe how many houses I've been in where
they did the same thing. I have a friend with six kids and this is the
first year in nine years they haven't had a toddler. When they tried to
set up the tree without the playpen, the older kids all raised a fuss
about how it was a TRADITION. I guess they'll be using the playpen
forever.

==========================================================================

I too was nervous about putting up our Christmas tree. However, he hasn't 
bothered it near as much as I expected. He has pulled the bows off many of the 
packages but he has only tried to remove ornaments from the tree a couple 
of times. Of course the tree is in a corner and surrounded by presents so 
he cannot get very close to it without climbing over the presents (which 
he tried once).  

He likes the tree and points to it constantly for us to identify it for
him. I suggest that you try putting yours up, you may be worrying more
than necessary about it as I was.

==========================================================================

Well, I'm a little behind on reading net-news but with
our toddlers, we did put the Christmas tree in the
playpen!  It worked great!  I wasn't worried about the`
ornaments as much as pulling the tree down.  Anyway,
the tree was in the playpen.  Then I bought a christmas
table cloth and draped it on the playpen to cover the netting.
So it looked like the tree was sitting in a big christmas
box.  This allowed the kids to get right up to the tree and
point but not to touch anything.  

=========================================================================

Thanks again for all your suggestions about the tree and about how to get
through the season.  I'm even acting on some of the advice...this may not
mean much to you but believe me it's something new.....not bad for an
overachiever....be all....do all kind of person.  And so, the kids (Barry's
daughters 12, 17 and my sister, 14 who are all at my house right now) have
done some of the vacuuming and dusting instead of playing Nintendo...and
they seem to be happy to be getting into the spirit of things...preparing
everything for Christmas.  I didn't get to bake gingerbread cookies with
them this year....BUT....I did make the dough before I went to bed last
night....and they apparently had a great time doing them by themselves
this year....I'll see how they turned out when I get home tonight.
Christmas shopping will get done tomorrow at lunch and after work (they're
babysitting for me) and Wednesday at lunch if necessary.  And, my goal
is to keep Christmas Eve for relaxing and family (about 14 people will
be at my house....some staying over for Christmas morning and dinner).

Thanks to everyone.....if anyone is still reading this far.  I would like
to say...without getting too Waltonish....that misc.kids seems like a
present I've given myself all year.....you guys are great.

Merry Christmas.....
Happy Hannukkah (I never know how to spell it)
and a Very Happy, Safe and Prosperous New Year to one and all....

						| 
						| It's beginning to feel
Barbara						| a lot like Christmas...
						|



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