From: andsol@is.rice.edu (Andrew J. Solberg)
Subject: Krispy Kritters (was:Re: The Politics of USENET)
Organization: Rice University
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1992 08:52:14 GMT

I just can't take it any more.

Recently I vowed never again to waste any time flaming pathetic losers.  It's
actually very easy to do, since the non-dweeb/dweeb ratio on this group is a
rather small decimal.  I have NO idea why so many wankers insist on jizzing
the contents of their febrile little crania straight into this newsgroup.
No fucking idea at all.

However, for those of you who are alert AND injudicious in your killfile
management, a cascade has sprung up that just makes my triggerfinger itch
like a mother.  Again, I just can't take it any more.  Look out -- this is
a long article but, God willing, I won't have to repeat myself.

Flame on.

In article <98?1Hboyk8@atlantis.psu.edu>, bufalini@above.gis.psu.edu (Bruce A Bufalini) writes:
|> In article <1992Jul20.054725.10508@rice.edu>, patrick@is.rice.edu (Patrick L Humphrey) writes:
|> >[Wow.  We have attributions going back a week here.  Talk about the next
|> >best thing to a cascade...PLH]

     How exciting!  Is this gonna be good or what.....

|> >
|> >In article <-pv1Hf30k8@atlantis.psu.edu> bufalini@among.gis.psu.edu (Bruce A Bufalini) writes:
|> >>In article <1992Jul20.014952.4138@rice.edu>, patrick@is.rice.edu (Patrick L Humphrey) writes:
|> >>>In article <u!t1H5wxj8@atlantis.psu.edu> bufalini@across.gis.psu.edu (Bruce A Bufalini) writes:
|> >>>>In article <1992Jul19.185151.23518@rice.edu>, patrick@is.rice.edu (Patrick L Humphrey) writes:
|> >>>>>In article <jzo1Hmozi8@atlantis.psu.edu> bufalini@among.gis.psu.edu (Bruce A Bufalini) writes:
|> >>>>>>In article <1992Jul18.024605.27190@rice.edu>, patrick@is.rice.edu (Patrick L Humphrey) writes:
|> >>>>>>>In article <cfl1Hx52i8@atlantis.psu.edu> bufalini@among.gis.psu.edu (Bruce A Bufalini) writes:
|> >>>>>>>>In article <1992Jul17.050510.26930@rice.edu>, patrick@is.rice.edu (Patrick L Humphrey) writes:
|> >>>>>>>>>In article <*0h1H?gah8@atlantis.psu.edu> bufalini@above.gis.psu.edu (Bruce A Bufalini) writes:
|> >>>>>>>>>>In article <1992Jul16.051342.20576@rice.edu>, patrick@is.rice.edu (Patrick L Humphrey) writes:
|> >>>>>>>>>>>In article <h7c1H$hdg8@atlantis.psu.edu> bufalini@among.gis.psu.edu (Bruce A Bufalini) writes:
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>In article <1992Jul15.013306.3580@rice.edu>, patrick@is.rice.edu (Patrick L Humphrey) writes:
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>>In article <4r71H7tjf8@atlantis.psu.edu> bufalini@near.gis.psu.edu (Bruce A Bufalini) writes:
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>>
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>>[150 lines of information, out the window]

Thank you, God.  Thank you. Thank you.

|> >>>>>>>>>>>>>
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>>Yo, Bruce.  Your five minutes is up.  If you want another 
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>>argument, pay me
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>>another pound, eh?

'Argument'?  Is that standard homosexual argot for 'Double-Fisted Crevice
   Servicing'?  Really, my boy, you MUST catch up with inflation....push
   for eight bob and a high colonic.

|> >>>>>>>>>>>>
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>I don't have to pay you anything, butthead.  If you can't 
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>accept pure, valuable information, then perhaps you should 
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>consider terminating yourself immediately.  What a loser!  
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>You now require WHOOSHes.  Keep on guessing how
|> >>>>>>>>>>>>they got posted....

Ah -- the tryst continues.  'WHOOSH', I suspect, is slang for 'Declawing
   a smallish ferret, putting him head-first into the Crack Of Doom, and
   sewing it shut'.  What will these wacky lovebirds think of next?!

|> >>>>>>>>>>>
|> >>>>>>>>>>>What WHOOSHes?  

The WHOOSH made by my LoveProng as it glides, much like the graceful clipper-
   ship, between the lobes of your cerebral cortex.

|> >>>>>>>>>>
|> >>>>>>>>>>These ones, in addition to the ones you deleted:
|> >>>>>>>>>>
|> >>>>>>>>>>Bruce A. Bufalini

More whooshing.  Patrick, if this nematode is working you by the hour, you
   just GOTTA push for more cash.  And forget credit cards.

|> >>>>>>>>>
|> >>>>>>>>>What ones?  Man, but you gotta get some decent glasses...

......obviously because Bruce has been engaging in his favorite pastime;
    to wit, spanking off on the keyboard until the space bar no longer 
    functions smoothly.

|> >>>>>>>>
|> >>>>>>>>No, Bruce does not require glasses, for Bruce has 20/20 vision.  
|> >>>>>>>>It appears that you still are unable to accept valuable information
|> >>>>>>>>and that you are in need of termination.  If termination does not 
|> >>>>>>>>occur within 24 hours, then expect a visit from the Department 
|> >>>>>>>>of Information soon thereafter for assistance in termination of 
|> >>>>>>>>yourself.

"Who the FUCK are you?!"
"I'm BRUCE BUFALINI -- NET.TERROR!!!"

You are a fearsome fella, Bruce.  I just about wore out ANOTHER Depends (TM)
   undergarmentjust THINKING about you maybe coming after MY hide.  Your 
   'Department of Information' sounds pretty scary, too.  

Kiddo, it's just like Grandma always said:

"Sonny, never watch _Dragnet_ after snorting paint thinner."

|> >>>>>>>
|> >>>>>>>Wow, my first death threat from Usenet.  I'm not impressed.  
|> >>>>>>>
|> >>>>>>>(actually, it's a bit hard for me to grep how an imaginary agency is
|> >>>>>>>supposed to do anything to me, but I guess that's not my problem...)

Patrick, I'm having a really tough time envisioning you grepping anything at
   all.  Grepping is not what pistol-whipped salivating buttwhores like you
   are good at.  Christ, ace, I don't know HOW you got into this school, but
   I suspect the Selection Committee must have been mostly comprised of 
   plant life.

|> >>>>>>
|> >>>>>>It seems to be a bit hard for you to grep anything, for you have no 
|> >>>>>>thinking skills at all.  Termination is not a difficult task for DOI,
|> >>>>>>for they have done it to misinformed individuals quite frequently.  
|> >>>>>>Be prepared; you're next in line.

Ooooh, another homoerotic buzz word!  For those of you in our viewing audience
   today on _Donahue_, 'terminate' means 'remove the now-irritable ferret and
   replace with Butt Potato (TM)'.  Frankly, Bruce, I can't see Patrick finding
   this so terrible.

|> >>>>>
|> >>>>>I love it.  An imaginary creation of yours is going to "terminate" me? 
|> >>>>>I hate to tell you, but I was already terminated eighteen years ago...
|> >>>>>you've been arguing with an electronic ghost all this time.  Therefore,
|> >>>>>by your own imaginary creation's standards, you're next up on the 
|> >>>>>Termination Express.
|> >>>>>
|> >>>>>Been nice knowing you...:-)

Patrick has obviously mispoken.  He clearly meant to say, "I hate to tell you,
   but I should have been terminated eighteen years ago when my Mother's 
   pus-filled uterus coughed me forth, heaving, onto the hot sands of the
   Mojave Desert.  Then I would not presently be plaguing the group with 
   this inane and puerile Cascade O' Caca."

We beg pardon for the inconvenience....

|> >>>>
|> >>>>No, a real organization is going to terminate you.  You seem to be quite
|> >>>>misinformed.  DOI is not going to terminate me, for I am an informed
|> >>>>individual who is not in need of termination.  Good riddance, loser.

'Informed Individual'?  <condescending chuckle> No, my hare-lipped lad, you
   are not presently an informed individual.  Here we go:

        You still wet your bed after seeing 'Murder She Wrote' reruns.
        When things get slow, you sit on your ant farm.
        You can't get a stiffie unless you think of your dead Grandma.
        When nobody's looking, you whack off watching 'Soul Train'.
        I know your REAL parents.  They're losers.
        It just looks red now, but it'll start HURTING soon....
        If you weren't reading this now, you'd probably be back in your
           dorm room making 976- calls.
        You are a tasteless loser, and you'll never get a job.
        You date your cousins, and they dump you.
        You have no talent, no brains, and no life.
        Find a different newsgroup, because NOBODY HERE LIKES YOU.

There.  NOW you are an informed individual.

|> >>>
|> >>>What a laugh -- your imaginary organization can't even deal with someone
|> >>>who was terminated when you were still in diapers.  Might as well get 
|> >>>used to it, BoFo -- I'm not going away...

Couple points here, Patrick:

1) He's still in diapers.
2) You ARE going away.  I'll stop you.  Somehow.
3) Have we seen ANYTHING yet that looks even VAGUELY flamelike come out of
     your smegma-encrusted orifice?!  If you truly feel that this wriggling
     pedophile is a bozo, why don't you tell him?  If you're too panty-
     waisted for a good, red-blooded American flaming, why don't you 
     sashay on over to alt.happy.happy.joy.joy or alt.warm.fuzzy instead
     of occupying space on this group?  Is any of that grey matter brain
     cells, or is that just one big, FESTERING BOIL ON YOUR HEAD?!!!!

|> >>
|> >>My organization can deal with anyone anywhere.  DOI has helped to convert
|> >>many misinformed souls into thriving, informed individuals.  Try staring 
|> >>at a screen full of OGGLEs.  That way, you don't even need to contact the
|> >>Department of Information to get started.  Here are some for starters; if
|> >>they have been deleted upon your next followup, then termination must be
|> >>presumed....

First, you defile one of my favorite newsgroups with your whiny, limp-wristed
   presence.  Next, you engage in a 'flaming' which contains zero, read 'none',
   provocative material.  Finally, you waste a colostomy-bag-full of band-
   width with, of all things, a couple screens of 'OGGLEs'. 

Sigh.

Bruce, you are a penis.  Worse, you are a small penis.  There is nothing to
   you except a flaccid, one-inch strip of wang.  And it's infected.  
Dangling below said organ are two testicles.  They are shrivelled and 
   gangrenous, no doubt having been exposed to dangerous radiation.
There is no semen in these balls -- God forbid!  No, my little roadkill,
   we are in no danger of your spreading your seed into the future.  I
   would never stand for that.
The entire assembly -- cock AND balls -- is coated with a thin layer of
   motor oil.  
Which is on fire.
This is you, Bruce.  Burn the image into your brain.  THIS IS YOU.

Okay, everybody, all together now:

GIF! GIF! GIF! GIF! GIF! GIF! GIF! GIF! GIF! GIF! GIF! GIF!.....

|> >>
|> >I wish you'd clue us in on just what kind of chemicals you're ingesting --
|> >what OGGLEs?  See what happens when you screw around with imaginary
|> >organizations?  

Allow me to provide you with a very small sampling of the clues you lack,
   Patrick:  the chemicals he has ingested is your semen.  Yes, he has sucked
   AND swallowed.  See what it's done to him.

You, on the other hand, have no excuse for your emptiheadedness.  Boof-boy
   over there goes to Pennis State, so he is excused from all higher brain
   functions.  You, however, go to a higher educational institution.  Drivel
   along the lines of what you have been posting is unacceptable.  It is, to
   put this politely, unadulterated SHIT -- pure as the driven snow.  Shame
   on you, squick-target.

|> 
|> Then it is apparent that you are reading these articles with your eyes closed.
|> Since they have been deleted, then DOI assumes that you have terminated
|> yourself.  Good move, Patrick, for the world can do very well without your
|> misinformation.  Next....

ME!! ME!! ME!!

I long for you to take on a real flamer, oh Ye-Whose-Sphincter-Leaks.  Your
posts are useless and do not belong on ANY group in the net.hierarchy, with
the possible exception of alt.stupidity.  Move it there and gussy up to your
mental mates.  Do NOT, however, continue to infect this group with your 
meanderings.  They may be appropriate for email, if you are an afficionado
of vacant blithering, but to expose the rest of us to your harmful rays is
just too much.

Now, I know how to operate a killfile like the rest, but I just HATE to
do this.  You see, I believe that even you two toads are salvageable.  
Someday, I keep telling myself, these deranged munchkins will shift out of
cruise control and post something grippingly flaming.  And I shall rejoice.

Hence, in the future, please carefully consider the following questions:

     * Have I carefully thought out my post? 
     * Is my post relevant to this newsgroup? 
     * Am I prepared to deal with the consequences of my posting?
     * Will I be wasting bandwidth with my post?
     * Has somebody else already posted and said the same thing?
     * If I keep touching myself like that, will I go blind?

If your answer to any of these questions is 'no', DO NOT POST.  If you are
   Kevin L. McBride, do not post anyway.

Closing Remarks:

     Both of you, collectively, are smaller than my penis.
     The neighborhood chinchillas are afraid of you.
     Saturday Nite?! CRIBBAGE!!!

     You are whimpering, hunchbacked, catatonic pig-dogs.  
     You lie in a puddle of your own sweat and vomit.
     Cower, whelps, for your net.masters are watching.
     They are displeased.  Beware their wrath.
     They will wreak a terrible vengeance upon you.
     Not violence -- oh, no.
     They will make you look pathetic and weak before the Net.
     Which is what you are.
     Wheedle!  Beg forgiveness!  Perhaps you will be spared.
     Or perhaps not.

DIE RAT BASTARDS.


Flame Off.   

-- 
Andrew Solberg          |"If I were your wife I'd poison your tea!" 
Undying University Mooch|              Anon. Outraged British Woman
andsol@owlnet.rice.edu  |"And if I were your husband I'd drink it!"
Phone:713-529-8627      |              Winston Churchill

			
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