From: 01ksdavis@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu (Rebel without a clue.)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: "Made" or "Just Happens"?-An Answer of sorts
Date: 20 Nov 92 20:47:24 GMT
Organization: The Corporation.

In article <BxvBr5.GD0@acsu.buffalo.edu>, v119qkv2@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (POE) writes:
> 
> 	There has been an on-going arguement as to whether or not relationships
> have to be planned or just happen.  Do you need a plan and a strategy to find
> that special SO or do you play the waiting game and let nature take its course?
> Does it just happen or do you have to make it happen?  etc.
	My answer is a qualified and quantified "yes," based on my previous
experiences and with what I have seen.
> 	This reminds me of an episode I saw on Donahue or Oprah or one of those
> stupid shows years ago.  There were four doctors/shrinks/specialists on the show
> that had all written books on relationships; how to get involved in one, what to
> do when in one, etc..
	I don't care how many letters a person may have after their name, I
have problems believing that they can be "experts" in topics where the human
mind and more specifically the emotional part of the human mind come into play. 
They might know a lot, but I doubt they will ever know everything there is to
know about a subject like this, as once you through in the human element, a lot
of ambiguities (and this is an understatement) come into their "equations."
> Three out of the four people's books and beliefs painted
> a picture of smilely faces and roses: if you are a good loving person, good 
> things will come to you, be yourself, happy, happy, gag, gag.  The forth guy
> was an author of one of those "how to pick up chicks" books.  Basically, the
> whole show was the three "happy" people, the host, and the majority of the 
> audience verbally abusing this one guy.
	You know its too bad I missed this show.  It sounds too funny.
> However, there were people in the 
> audience, both men and women, who found what this guy had to say to be true and
> were shocked by the way the majority saw this situation through rose-colored
> glasses.  These people said that it's not all that easy to find that special
> someone, that it's a game that has to be played over and over again.
> 	So what's my point?  I want to know how other people feel about this.
> Myself, I think that anyone who doesn't see that relationships are made and
> don't just happen are either A) Living in a fantasy world, B) Been in a 
> relationship too long to remember what it is like, or C) One in a million that
> were lucky enough to experience "love at first sight".  So let's here it:
> Does it just happen or do you have to make it happen?
> 
> - Just wondering...
>   Mike Poe
	I agree with (A,B, and C.)  However; I do think a little of both comes
into play unless you were born with the feautures of a Greek god or goddess. 
maybe, better put; the more beautiful (or handsome) you are, the less you
actually have to work to make it happen.  Of course, if you are a guy, it still
takes a lot more work than if you were a woman, but that is only because of our
society's particular beliefs about the whole dating thing.

	A friend of mine (all right, she is probably closer to me than just a
friend :-) always has to read those purity tests that you see on the other
newsgroups.)  A particular question comes to mind for some reason.

	"Q:Have you ever been nice to someone just to have sex with them?"

	It seems worded well enough, however, when you consider the diametric
opposite (it is a yes/no negatible question) you can tell that this question is
just too stupid.

	So what is the diametric opposite?
	Simple:

	       "No, I am mean to everybody I have sex with."

	Keep in mind, this is not my belief, this is merely what happens when
you negate this stupid question on the test.

	But maybe I am getting way off the subject here.  But when you come
right down to it, I think it all depends on the situation.  If it just happens,
then obviously this is the phenomenon (sp?) known as "true love," where two
people feel the same deep emotion of love for each other at the same time
without really knowing why, or having to work at it.  This has happened to me
before.  Two years, nine months and 19 days later I found out her definition of
true love had changed.  Turns out she felt "true love" with the entire
football team.  Ouch.

	But, if you consider the relationship I am in now (the "friend" I had
mentioned earlier,) you will see that I am working hard at this. Not because
she doesn't like me, but for reasons that she has previously explained to me
that are rather personal.  Because of these reasons, I am really not working at
all, letting her set the pace.  Although she has sped it up quite a bit in the
past few days.

 	Kind of confusing, I know, but for the record I am going to have to
answer this debate with-it varies with the circumstances.

	Granted, to those of you who have never experienced the "happening"
part, it seems like that is an infinitesmally small number of occurences for
the whole human population for the whole human history.

-- 

 ______________________________________________________________________________
|Kyle S. Davis	   
Newsgroups: alt.romance