From: jgacker@neptune.gsfc.nasa.gov (James G. Acker)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps
Subject: B&B:  VaVoom update for Wednesday, August 26
Date: 27 Aug 92 16:03:15 GMT
Organization: Computer Science, Indiana University
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X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4dev PL73]
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     Stephanie is still earth-bound, I assume, since we
didn't see Steph, Ridge, Eric, Sheila, or Brooke today.
     However, we did see Rhonda.  Made my day.  :-)
:-))  8-)))  ;-}  ;-}}  8-)
     BTW, checking credits for a previous episode, the
actress who plays Rhonda is named Bobbie Phillips.

 BRENT!
I want names!  I want numbers!  I want stats!  After all,
Bobbie Eakes is married.  I have to control myself with
regards to her.  (The Dark Side refuses to, however.)
     Uh, does this have something to do with the name
Bobbie?

     On we go, into the dark twisted netherworld of the
soul:

     Wednesday on "The Bold and the Beautiful"

     NEVER TRUST A SCUM, ER, MAN

     Darla comes in to Sally's office, spies Macy, asks how
it's going with her and Thorne.  He's got a date with his
roommate, Macy says.  Ohh, how you handling that?  Not
great.  Well, if you need any help, I've got some outfits
and techniques GOWRONTEED to capture his rapt attention.
I'll bet you do, Macy says, but I've got some IDEAS of my
own.  Karen is being more aggressive than I expected, she's
nothing like Corpseline.  But I'll fight back.
     Sally enters, dazzling in black, hair up.  Must've
spent hours in makeup, cuz she looked good.  Macy and Darla
wolf-whistle.  What's the do for, Momma-san?  I've got a
dinner date for tonight and I hope to be the main course.
(ACTUAL DIALOGUE!)  With Jack H.?  That's the man, of course
he doesn't know it yet.  Darla makes to leave.  I've got to
get home, she explains, because my man likes to leave sexy
messages on my answering machine.  I put on something
snuggly  (oo la la vrooooooom!)  and jump under the covers
and listen.  C'ya!
     -- I like that idea!  8-Q ;-}
     Sally says that Darla's lucky that answering machine
can't see (elsewise the microcassette would make like
_Mission Impossible_ )  Oh yeah, fashion note -- Darla was
in shorts and a halter-type top, with attributes displayed.
As we shall see later, this 'tweren't nothin'.  But does
hold the viewer's attention.  Amen AHEM.
     Sally tells Macy that she's looking at a woman falling
in love with Jack Hamilton!  Where is Jack, BTW? Macy asks.
He said he had a personal problem to handle and I gave him
the day off.  And I miss him -- not just to have his solid
hand placed squarely on my behind, er, behind the fundament
of this company, but my inner awareness was attuned to his
absence and hoping for his inner presence!  Something like
that, anyway.  Macy is happy for her.  Just then, the banker
calls.  Did you get the cash stash, Sal?  the banker asks.
Oh dash, what cash stash?  Sally answers.  Jack said crash,
under the lash, the sellers want cash, so we dashed a cash
stash!   Sally's crushed, the masher's a lush.  Something
smells of fish, Sally won't be the dish.
The banker asks if there's anything they can do to help. 
Uh, no, Sally answers.  She hangs.  Macy sees there's a problem.
What?  Jack Hamilton made a $20,000 withdrawal from the bank this
A.M., claiming the sellers want cash on the barrelhead!  We
don't work that way!  What's going on?
     Sally segues to the worst-case scenario.  Jack's an
embezzler, he's a grifter, he worked his way into my heart
and company and then made a dash with the cash stash!  Macy
says don't jump to conclusions and Sally says what else is
there to conclude?  Other than our professional
relationship?

     BEEFCAKE, CHEESECAKE, AND OH YEAH, ZACH AND FELICIA TOO

     Outside the Bikini Bar, Zach ponders Jack's parting
comments.  He concludes that if he doesn't get the $100 G's,
Jack will self-administer a lethal dose.  Zach also knows
how he'll do it, but he doesn't tell the viewing audience.
Then he sees Felicia coming out of the bar.  What the
hammering h*ll are you doing here?  he inquires.  I told you
to get up to Big Bear and hide under the covers!  Not 'til I
get answers, Felicia says.  Who was that guy you were
talking to, the greasy slimy sleazeball?  You saw that?
Yeah.  What're you into?  Zach stutters, then orders Sly to
call a taxi.  Felicia tells him to belay that order, but Sly
insists.  Sly dials.  (Open shirt with lots of pectoral
curls, girls, on the Slyster).  Felicia says no way, I'm not
going -- Zach says you'll go if I have to take you.  Felicia
goes to cancel the call.  Zach grabs her, tosses her over
his shoulder, and carries her over the threshold the wrong
way and bass ackwards.  HelpmeRhonda watches them leave.
     Next we see HelpmeRhonda (a heapin' helpin' of
HelpmeRhonda, due to the camera angle) cleaning up a table.
Ganz the greasy slimy crooked snarling scuzzball comes in,
goes over to HelpmeRhonda, and asks her where she got those
and where her boss is?  She says "Sly?  At the bar."  (Hair
looked like Claudia Schiffer on a bad hair day, but who
cares?)  Ganz tells her not to be cute (which is impossible
for this babe) and where the other boss is.  Says he's not
somebody you want to clam up on.  (This guy is playing the
sleazeball villain to the MAX!)  HelpmeRhonda turns away
from him, so he says he'll make it "worth her while",
stuffing a $20 into the location on HelpmeRhonda's ample
endowment most likely to keep it in place.  I.e. for those
of you playing the home game, the Valley of the Dolls.
(DOWN Dark Side!  Bad, bad Dark Side!  Don't slo-mo that
scene again!)  HelpmeRhonda appears discomfited.

     UP IN THE VALLEY OF THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT

     Zach flashlights the local proximity of the cabin.
They go inside.  Felicia tells him this is pointless, as
soon as he exits, she's calling the family and getting a
ride back to Beverly (Hills, that is -- swimming pools,
movie stars).  Zach assesses the cabin and says it's a nice
dig.  Felicia says I'm not staying unless you tell me the
whole truth, nothing but the truth, the whole shebang, the
inside story, just the facts, everything you alway wanted to
know, the entire history of the world, and philosophical
discourse on _Xenophon's Anabasis_, she's not staying!  Zach
asks if she's got coffee, this could take a little while.
Felicia goes to put a pot on while Zach mulls it over.

     I'D RECOMMEND BLACKJACK, BACKJACK, BUT YOU'RE A DUPE

     Jack is winging it to Vegas, a place he swore he'd
never come back to.  Once more with feeling, for the kids.
He asks his dear, departed wife to give him luck tonight, or
he'll be visiting her at the Pearly Gates in a jiffy.  More likely
getting odds on a blizzard in Hades.
    At the casino, a waitress (looking a lot like Nadine on
GL) goes into a private room, guarded by an ex-NFL
linebacker.  Jack comes in and asks the linebacker politely
if he can play.  Not since I blew out my knee, man!  the
linebacker answers.  No, I'd like to play, Jack says.  The
casino is downstairs.  No, I'd like to play here.  It takes
$10,000 to sit at the table.  Jack shows him the whole cash
stash and asks if he wants to see more.  Go right in, mark,
the guard says.  I'm not Mark, I'm Jack.  Yeah, right.
     Inside, the high-rollers ask who let this scumbag in.
I want to play, Jack says.  One of the other players folds,
so Jack takes a seat and gets chips.  Jack is bluffing too
much -- he loses on a Jacks-and-sevens full house to Queens-
and-sixes.  He's being goaded by a Ringo Starr lookalike.
Next game, with the bet at $2000, Ringo asks Jack if he's
got a flush, with four hearts showing.  Ringo only has a
pair of twos.  He gets Jack's goat, Jack gets angry 
and says "Put up or shut up!"  This convinces Ringo to 
put up, Jack's got zilch.  Ringo tells Jack he's strung
too tight, it's only money.  It's not like it's your 
life!  Ringo laughs.
     Jack sweats.  Better not lose much more or he'll be
washing dishes with the fishes!

     BRENT!  Numbers and stats, I'm counting on you.

     Jim "you must think I only think about one thing" Acker
     jgacker@neptune.gsfc.nasa.gov
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.soaps