From: sbate@atl.ge.com (Stephen)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: self-defense
Date: 29 Dec 92 17:25:01 GMT
Reply-To: sbate@atl.ge.com
Organization: ATL
NNTP-Posting-Host: mary.atl.ge.com
In-reply-to: llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu's message of 17 Dec 92 18:31:52 GMT

In article <85512@ut-emx.uucp> llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:
> bleah. i was going to ignore all this stuff, because it didn't sseem
> necessary to reply, but something about people i've never even
> corresponded with dissecting my character as if they know me
> intimately... bleah.

Sometimes other people know us better than we know ourselves. Maybe it's
not true in this case. I'm just making an statement based on personal
experience.

> i really don't want to be argued about; it's annoying and
> embarrassing. 
> 
> i hang out here 'cause i like it. it's an outlet for whatever i haappen
> to be thinking at the time. sometimes the things i think are
> interesting, sometimes they're overly melodramatic. a lot of times i
> get cool email from people telling me i write well or that i've said
> something they really needed to hear. that makes me feel good and
> encourages me to dump more stuff out there.

I have a friend who is a wine expert (he works for a distributor,
teaches wine tasting classes, etcetera). He says the most interesting
wines are the ones that cause a little controversy (some people like
it, some people don't). Wines with this quality have a depth of
"character" that causes them to become a topic of lively discussion.
Other wines may be more "pleasurable" but also more boring and
certainly less memorable.

I think your writing has a similar "depth of character" that's makes it
somewhat controversial and a great topic for conversation. In other words,
it enriches the lives of all who read it (whether they like what
you write or not). It makes them think...

   "Is this angst or what?"
   "Do I like this stuff?"
   "If not, why not?"
   "If so, what attracts me to it?"
   "What is she trying to say?"
   "What's her motivation?"
   "Does any of this apply to my life?"

Granted, being at the center of controversy can be uncomfortable. It's
certainly easier to only consider positive feedback. However, I feel
(IMO) that you are doing yourself and us a disservice by attemping to 
"control" (i.e. filter) the responses to your writing.

In one of your posts, you said something about angst being associated
with our separation from an objective reality. You also pointed out
that filtering of our consciousness makes it impossible to approach
reality in a meaningful way. Maybe we can't get rid of all our filters
(although mystics disagree), but some can definitely be eliminated
through conscious action. I find your posts most interesting when I
like them the least. They give me insight into the workings of my own
internal filters. By eliminating these filters, I can potentially
develop an objective relationship with reality, and, if not eliminate,
at least manage my personal angst.

> how i see myself: as someone who's survived a lot of things that might
> have pulled other people under, as a person who has a bit more than
> the average amount of insight and honesty, and who is able to express
> her thoughts and feelings well. i think i'm a good writer, and i've
> been told that others concur. should i hypocritically put on false
> modesty and say my writing sucks? i'm not into game-playing anymore.

As far as I know, no one has asked you to say your writing sucks. You've
stated your opinion. Other people have stated their's. Obviously there
is no law saying that your opinion has to the same as everyone else's.
This is an example of a boundary that you have (or can have) control over.

> sometimes i do get overly melodramatic and even verge on being
> mystical about stuff. sometimes i probably post stuff that would be
> better off unsaid. sometimes i say things that pretty much,
> consciously or unconsciously, are asking people to tell me i'm okay
> and should keep writing. sometimes i just want feedback, attention.
> 
> so how does that make me any different from anyone else who writes to
> the net?

You're OK. Keep writing... thanks :-)


--
Stephen