HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: The Tent Joke
Date: 20 Aug 92 12:57:25 GMT
Reply-To: you@ems.cdc.com
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of CDC

In article <1992Aug20.033956.4293@udel.edu>, bower@pecan.cns.udel.edu (Tyson Bower) writes:
|> That's a really cute story.  I wish I got the punchline.
|> 
|> Could someone tell me what play on words is being made there, and to
|> what famous book/play/movie/performance/??? he is referring to?
|> 
|> The Winter of Our Discount Tent?  (confusedly shaking head...)
|> 
|>       ....hmmm 
|>     8-|
|>  

He must be an Engineering major and minor.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dchouina@sobeco.com (Daniel Chouinard)
Subject: Re: Canine Pleasure
Organization: Sobeco Ernst & Young
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 92 19:08:05 GMT

>Dave J <djensen@claven.idbsu.edu> writes:

>>Q-Why does a dog lick his balls?

>>>A1-Because he can. 
>>A2-Because he can't make a fist.
>A3-Because he knows he's going to lick your face in a moment.
A4-To get rid of the taste of dog food.
Xref: sparky rec.humor:26102 alt.politics.clinton:1947 talk.politics.guns:19295
From: blayda@acsu.buffalo.edu (Danger)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
Subject: Re: Guns don't kill ...
Date: 14 Aug 92 19:07:07 GMT
Followup-To: talk.politics.guns
Organization: UB


(Andrew John Urbanski) writes:
>|> >Guns don't kill people, bullets do.  People with gun just do it
>|> >more efficiently!  :-)

(Danger) writes:
>|> Guns can't kill people, bullets can't kill people, but _I_ can use
>|> THEM to kill people; I don't though because I prefer hatpins.

(Alan Watt) writes:

>More linguistic nits here.  The phrase "Guns don't kill people; people
>kill people" is not true given the commonly accepted usage of "kill".

Whoa! Loosen up...it WAS rec.humor no?

>Guns *DO* kill people.  

I guess I'll have to have a long talk with mine.  I don't approve,
of course, but I'll still love it.

>So do automobiles, swimming pools, falls from
>high places, insect bites, heart attacks, cancer, medical malpractice,
>and old age to name a few.

Hmmm...I guess all of them should be tried and eliminated from society no?

>The correct statement would be "Guns don't murder people; people murder
>people", as "murder" requires intent, which artifacts like guns don't
>have.  In common usage however *anything* can be a "cause of death".

Common usage of "kill" in this context substitutes for the more correct
term "murder".  A gun and/or bullets cannot kill without being properly
abused/used.

>The gun control debate is mired in enough emotionalism as it is.
>Accepting sloppy thinking for the sake of a neat-sounding slogan does
>not improve matters.

Sloppy thinking is reserved for rec.humor and alt.politics.clinton.
I apologize for not editing the newsgroups.

Follups set for here

-- 
************************************************************************
Thaddeus Krag Blayda blayda@acsu.buffalo.edu, v063j3h4@ubvms.buffalo.edu
# Caution : DANGER #  This Country is at critical mass.
Vote Libertarian in '92!  Vote Marrou/Lord!  Vote to have your freedom back.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: kennedy@inter-tel.com (Matt Kennedy)
Subject: Re: Goddamn idiot posting "Magic Johnson In Barcelona" (OBJ included)
Organization: Inter-Tel, Inc. (Chandler, AZ)
Distribution: world, usa, na
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 21:29:21 GMT

> However, most Americans are too blinded by the transitory glory of our 
> professional team beating the poop out of honest amateurs in a game which is
> not terribly popular anywhere else but the US,  to see the lack of
> sportsmanship we are evidencing to the world.

I suggest you get your facts straight.  Each of the four teams that made
the semi-finals at the Olympics had professional players, and three of the
teams had NBA players.

Further, professional athletes have competed in the Olympics for some time.
Most notably, NHL, professional tennis, and professional soccer players
have participated.

OBJ:

   An elderly couple are driving cross country and stop for gas.

   The attendant asks the man, "Where are y'all going?"

   The woman asks, "What'd he say?  What'd he say?"

   The man tells the woman, "He asked where we were going."

   The man tells the attendant, "California."

   The attendant asks the man, "Where are y'all from?"

   The woman asks, "What'd he say?  What'd he say?"

   The man tells the woman, "He asked where we were from."

   The man tells the attendant, "Michigan."

   The attendant tells the man, "I was in Michigan once.  I had the worst
   fuck of my life.  This woman's pussy smelled awful!"

   The woman asks, "What'd he say?  What'd he say?"

   The man tells the woman, "He said he thinks he knows you."

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: smackinl01@cc.curtin.edu.au
Subject: Re: Joke
Organization: Curtin University of Technology
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 06:54:12 GMT

In article <3777.33.uupcb@smurfbbs.uucp>, troy.beck@smurfbbs.uucp (Troy Beck)  writes:
> AD>What is the difference between a Circus and a Whorehouse?
> 
> AD>A circus is full of CUNNIG STUNTS..
> AD>                    ^      ^^
> 
> What is the difference between a bunch of pygmy geniuses and a girls track
> team?
>  
> a bunch of pygmy geniuses are CUNNING RUNTS!!!

Hmmm.... Another example of shining wit.
-- 
Simon.
Have you got a form 27/b?

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rxkgt@minyos.xx.rmit.oz.au (George Tzanatos)
Subject: Re: The boy stood on the burning deck...
Organization: RMIT Computer Centre, Melbourne Australia.
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 09:48:11 EDT

jd@dickens.com (Joe Dudar) writes:

>In article <1992Aug13.165256.89746@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au> che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au writes:
>>	The boy stood on the burning deck,
>>	His pocket full of crackers.
>>	One fell down his trouser leg,
>>	And blew of both his sandshoes.

The alternate version...


The boy stood on the burning deck,
His arse against the mast. 
He wouldn't move a frigg'n inch,
Till the poofter passed.

The poofter was a crafty one,
And threw the boy a plum.
And when he went to pick it up,
He rammed it up his bum.

The boy he was a wily one,
He was no April fool.
He chucked a tripple sumasault,
And broke the poofter's tool.

The poofter cried in agony,
And now its made of brass.
God help the next poor bastard,
Who cops it up the arse!
From: ralf@ark.abg.sub.org (Ralf Stephan)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Stevie again
Date: 21 Aug 92 19:56
Organization: Private Coherent 4.0.1 site Augsburg/Bavaria/Germany


Why did you hear nothing about Stevie Wonder the last weeks?

Because he hasn't finished reading his new woodchip wallpaper!
Xref: sparky rec.humor:25961 soc.culture.polish:1989
From: rybicki@uctvax.uct.ac.za
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish
Subject: Re: Polack joke - NOT!
Date: 13 Aug 92 17:15:57 +0200
Organization: University of Cape Town

In article <1992Aug11.065836.15714@gagme.chi.il.us>, anton@gagme.chi.il.us (Andrzej Borowiec) writes:
> In article <1992Aug6.193535.24462@tin.monsanto.com> bcschu@skws02.monsanto.com (Brett Schultz) writes: 
> 
>>Here's a pretty good polak joke

[deleted]              ^^^^^ 

>>--Brett 
>> 
>> 
> 
> Yo, shit for brains, you polack or sonsing? 
> YA FARGAT TA CRASSPAST TO SAC.CALTARE.PALISH!

[deleted]
 
> Andrzej A. Borowiec
-- 
Stupid fuckhead Brett (what kind of name is THAT?  Doesn't even have any Z's in
it, or a C pronounced as a "ts") can't spell too well, now can he?  Must be
Anglo-Saxon, I hear they were so stupid they didn't know better than to leave
Europe.  Still, look what they did with the US - now they get to keep it....!
(if you don't get it, goes to prove what I was saying, doesn't it?)

"Jeszcze Polska nie zginela
Poki my zyjemy..."

Can't read that, Brett, can you?  Polacks can't be that stupid if they can....
 _________________________________________________________________________
|                                 |                                       |
|  Edward Rybicki                 |    Now you've got the hang of it      |
|  Dept Microbiology              | There's nothing you can't do with it  |
|  University of Cape Town        |         If you're very into it        |
|  PB Rondebosch 7700             |         You can't go wrong....        |
|  South Africa                   |                                       |
|  fax 27 21 650 4023             |              - Mad John               |
|  ed@micro.uct.ac.za             | (Ogden's Nut-Gone Flake, Small Faces) |
|_________________________________|_______________________________________|
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mchavez@helix.nih.gov (Mark D. Chavez)
Subject: Re: WANTED-Answering Machine Messages
Followup-To: rec.humor
Keywords: answering machine, message, original, funny
Organization: National Institutes of Health, Bethesda
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 22:40:27 GMT

I also would like a copy.  E-mail or post!!

Mark
mchavez@helix.nih.gov
From: chuynh@hpldsla.sid.hp.com (Charles Huynh)
Date: Tue, 11 Aug 1992 18:07:24 GMT
Subject: Talking Parrot.
Organization: HP Scientific Instruments Division - Palo Alto, CA
Newsgroups: rec.humor

				 
				 
				 talking parrot.



          There was an old church lady who lived by herself. One day she felt
  kind of lonely so she went to the pet shop and buy a talking parrot for 
  companionship. But for years, the parrot learned bad things from an old crazy
  shipmate who swore every time he opened his mouth.  One day, she broght
  church ladies home for a banquet. At her house, every one tried to make the
  parrot talk, but it didn't talk. During dinner, there was one lady who kept
  looking at the parrot and made him felt uneasy. 

  - Parrot : Why do you keep looking at me all the time, you old broad?


     All church ladies got so angry; they left her house immediately. The lady
  became very sad and told the parrot to talk nicely to everyone. The parrot
  told the old church lady that he does not know how to start the conversation
  nor what to talk about. The lady tell him that he should talk about weather 
  or news on TV. A few weeks latter, they came for banquet again. and the 
  parrot try to start the conversation.

 - Parrot : It's a nice day today, isn't it?

     Yet no one care to reply him. He felt embarassed and did not know what to
  talk next. Suddenly, he remember the old lady advice to talk about TV news.

 - Parrot : I heard the TV reporters said that the Queen Mary is going to talk
	    all the hookers back to England.

 Everyone became furrious so that they stood up and headed for the door.

 - Parrot : Hey, Please don't leave yet! the Queen Mary doesn't leave the
	    harbor untill Friday.
From: maven@lerc.nasa.gov (Larry Fishbach)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Little Red (The real story)
Date: 13 Aug 92 17:46:29 GMT
Reply-To: maven@hercules.lerc.nasa.gov
Organization: NASA Lewis Research Center, Cleveland, OH

In article <melliott.713707071@convex.convex.com>, melliott@convex.com (Mark Elliott) writes:
> 
> One day Little Red Ridinghood set off for her Grandma's house with a basket of
> sugar cookies. Before she got to the door to leave, her mother stopped her and
> handed her a large caliber revolver (44 magnun) and told her, "Red (her mom 
> always called her Red), whatever you do watch out for that big bad wolff, you
> know he's been seen running around our kneck of the woods. And Red, remember,
> the gun that is in your basket is loaded and if you do see that pest just pull
> it out and blow him away"  Well as the story goes, Red (I call her that too) 
> headed out the door and onward toward her grandma's house. Just about the time
> she got halfway, that pesky wolff jumped out from behind a tree and looked 
> Red straight in the eyes, he said "Hello there Little Red Ridinghood (he didn't
> know her by the name 'Red' like her friends do) I am the biggest baddest wolf
> in this here kneck of the woods and I just want you to know right here and now
> that I am going to take you down on the ground and have my way with you (I don't
> like using the four letter word starting with f and meaning sex in mixxed 
> company ;^))"
> 
> Red just looked that wolf straight back in the eyes, grabbed that large caliber
> handgun, pointed it straight between his beady little eyes and pronounced,
> "No you're not, you mean old wolff, you're gonna eat me like the book says!"
> 
> 
> --
> 	Mark Elliott	melliott@trojan.convex.com
>         Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able 
>         to get out.           Murphy's Laws of Combat
> 

I heard that when the wolf threatened to eat Little Red Riding Hood
she replied "Eat me, eat me, eat me ... doesn't anyone like to screw anymore?"
     
-- 
*******************************************************************************
maven@hercules.lerc.nasa.gov          Larry Fishbach @ NASA Lewis Cleveland Ohio
"Everything here is my own opinion"   Quoth the Maven "Evermore"
*******************************************************************************
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: st1ns@rosie.uh.edu (Ault, Russell W.)
Subject: Re: Agnostics and Athiests
Followup-To: junk
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: University of Houston
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 07:19:00 GMT

In article <l8vmj7INN1uk@girtab.usc.edu>, rone@girtab.usc.edu (Ron Echeverri) writes...
>In article <1992Aug13.193857.2328@gtephx.UUCP> forda@gtephx.UUCP (Andrew Ford @ AGCS, Phoenix, Arizona) writes:
>[ditty on solving world hunger deleted]
>>If we all do this, this type of mondo-xposted flame war will quickly
>>disappear.
> 
>Anyone with half a brain will simply bounce all the mail back.
> 
>5150
>has half a brain

But if the posters of most of these had half a brain, they wouldn't have been deluging us
with all this junk in the first place.  Most of it's probably just careless failure to edit
inappropriate newsgroups OUT of an established line that may have been appropriate at some
prior point in the thread.  


obJoke:

(This one is told as an Aggie joke, Texas Aggie (it's a particular breed of critter that
comes from the Texas A&M University, for those who are culturally impaired) and doesn't work
well in YEFG format)

How many Aggies does it take to eat an armadillo?    (for the zoologically impaired, an armadillo,
                                                      as usually found in Texas, is a burrowing
                                                      lightly armored and not overly intelligent 
                                                      mostly nocturnal animal seen alive usually
                                                      only by the illumination of oncoming car
                                                      headlights, and seen dead in large numbers
                                                      on rural and semirural roads)

Three, if they're freshmen.  One with a knife and fork, one to call cadence, and one to watch
for cars.  Sophomores and up are expected to stay in step without cadence being called.

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: hoff@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Wildfire)
Subject: Re: please help me name my machine
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 22:37:25 GMT

lisa writes:


>We get to name our machines at work here, and I am 
>in desperate need of a new machine name in a hurry!  
>Can you help me?  

What I always wanted to do (in naming our printers) was go to the local
bars and see if we could get sponsors for our printers.  The idea was
to make each printer the name of the bar "sponsoring" it, and before
each print job it would print a banner out with the specials of the week
on it.  Needless to say, management didn't go for it, so we now have
sesame street names.  ;)

			-Wildfire-

 ||    Wildfire  ||  hoff@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu  ||  lmh44500@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu  ||
 || "Computers are just the opposite of people.  In computers the software ||
 ||  goes into the hardware.  In people the hardware..." Torchsong Trilogy ||
 || disclaimer:  "...my love, you, if anyone, should know that my rules    ||
 ||         only apply to other people, not myself"  -Friday               ||
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 14:37:24 EDT
From: Michael J. Ludwig <MJL122@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Where's the Bush?

Hey netters, I'm losing faith in the response rate.  Where are the Bush
infidelity jokes?  How about considering that Bush may not think he committed
adultery since he referred to his mistress's private parts as Mrs. Bush?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: fred@dickens.com (Fred R Stearns)
Subject: 69
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 16:09:48 GMT
Organization: Dickens Data Systems, Inc.

Isn't that when they went to the moon?

-- 
Fred R. Stearns -- fred@dickens.com
Everything's a kludge!
From: david@c-cat.UUCP (dave)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: More machine names/ et al rollover from rec.music.gdead
Date: 15 Aug 92 00:58:15 GMT
Organization: Intergalactic Rest Area For Weary Travellers


machine names  ...

how about...

Jerry, Phil, Bobby, Mickey, Bill, Vince

;-)


                                                       -David

China Cat System     
(301)604-5976 8N1
david@sandr.com 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: sci10019@nusunix2.nus.sg (YU HONG WEY)
Subject: A few jokes
Organization: National University of Singapore
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 03:00:44 GMT

 Heard this was an advertisement on a bus:

 How long did Lionel Richie stay in the toilet when he had diarrhoea?
 All night long.

 Here's another one:     

 I once had a friend who said he was determined to give up gambling
 altogether. When I asked him how sure he was, he said, "If you don't
 believe me, let's make a gamble."

 Heard this one in a hair salon as a customer was about the leave after
 paying the cashier.

 Cashier: Thanks for coming. Do come again.
 Customer: When?

 Hahaha.

 Hope you enjoy them.

 #######################################################################
 #                                  Living on Earth is expensive,      #
 #       V I N C E     Y U                 but it includes a           #
 #                                     free trip round the sun.        #
 #######################################################################

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ae642@yfn.ysu.edu (Kelley Miller)
Subject: Re: balls
Reply-To: ae642@yfn.ysu.edu (Kelley Miller)
Organization: St. Elizabeth Hospital, Youngstown, OH
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 03:32:14 GMT


In a previous article, sybok@athena.mit.edu (The Rifleman) says:

>In article <BtB2CK.DD5@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu> BACS Data Communications Group <commgrp@silver.ucs.indiana.edu> writes:
>>Q:  What has fuzzy green balls and eats pussy?
>>A:  Billie Jean King.
>
>Wow!  I didn't know she was a lesbian!
>
She's not.  Her favorite dinner is lightly sauteed cat on a hogie bun with
lettuce, tomato, and bacon...
   
-- 
*...your Friendly Neighborhood Atheist // "Peter...PETER!!  I can see    *
*      the KelleyMan:Kelley L. Miller // your house from here!"          *    
*                  ae642@yfn.ysu.edu // Jesus Christ, from the cross     *
****************Know God...No peace.  No God...Know peace.****************
From: clgp14@vaxa.strath.ac.uk
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: How much is the model?
Date: 13 Aug 92 13:29:02 GMT
Organization: Strathclyde University VAX Cluster

In article <3012530@MTS.RPI.EDU>, Black_Swan@MTS.RPI.EDU writes:
> Hey I found it on one of the newsgroup. Sort of a
> Traveller's Tale.  This joke is not intended to make fun
> for whoever wrote it but it just make my sides tickcle.
>  
>  
> I will be visiting Toronto sometime this coming Monday.
> Can anybody tell me how much the model cost per night ?
> Can anybody suggest any good and cheap place to stay ?
>  
>  
> Remark: With the last line he could have meant the real
>         thing 8).
>  
  Well if you think that it was funny !!!!  
>  
> Black Swan
From: benjamin@munch.mmwb.ucsf.edu (Dennis Benjamin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: A NOTE ON GROWLING TRAITS AMONGST LIONS
Keywords: LIONS , GROWLING
Date: 21 Aug 92 16:47:45 GMT
Organization: UCSF Computer Graphics Lab

mcs4041@zeus.tamu.edu (SHARAT SHEKHAR) writes:


>	Based on my research on "Growling Patterns and their Relation to 
>Characteristic Traits observed in Lions in Europe and East Asia", I have 
>presented some of my results in tabular form, below. I would like to hear 
>from other reputed Lionologists as well.

>================================================================================
>   LION ORIGIN         GROWL ARTICULATION              LION DESCRIPTION
>================================================================================
>    BRITISH		    GROWL		  Prosaic Staid Lion. Not a
>						  very showy type

>    OLD ENGLISH		    GROWLE		  Archaic, Pompous Lion. Exudes
>						  an aura of false profundity.

>    FRENCH		    GREAULLE		  Pretensious preening Lion. The
>						  kind thats perpetually combing
>						  his mane


>    GERMAN		    GRROVLL		  Blunt Boorish and gruff Lion.
>						  The aggressive type.

>    SCANDINAVIAN	    GRAAVL		  Obscure,largely nondescript
>						  Lion. Just rolls over and 
>					 	  sleeps.

>    RUSSIAN		    GPOBL		  Unique Lion. Formerly given
>						  to hiding, now heard more
>						  often

>    SPANISH		    GRRRROWL		  Very Passionate Lion.

>    JAPANESE		    GROWR		  No Explanation offered.

>    CHINESE	   	    GLOWL		  ----------"-----------

>>>  POLISH		    woof

>===============================================================================
>     "If One of Dr. Jack Kevorkian's patients lives, can he sue for
>	Malpractice ?!?!" _ Heard on the Larry King Show.
>===============================================================================
>	Dr. Sharat Shekhar, D.Leo, Phd, Etc
>	Distiunguished Professor of Lion Studies,
>	Tayxis Ain'M University, Cawlij Styshn, TX 
>===============================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: pt@geovision.gvc.com (Paul Tomblin)
Subject: Re: Lyrics to Rodeo Song
Reply-To: pt@geovision.gvc.com
Organization: Not officially GeoVision Systems Inc., Ottawa, Ontario
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 16:30:22 GMT

pwf2@hpmwtd.sr.hp.com (Joe Ballantyne) writes:


>Well, it's 40 below with the heater in the truck
>And I don't give a f*ck

When the "Showdown Band" appeared at Waterloo, the posters said

You Piece Me Off, You Far Can Jerk.



-- 
Paul Tomblin, pt@geovision.gvc.com or {uunet,revcan}!geovision!pt
(This is not an official opinion of GeoVision Systems Inc.)
"I don't have time to think it through: I've got to get this code written!"
From: gill@eagle (Warren Gill)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: please help me name my machine
Date: 13 Aug 92 17:31:33 GMT
Organization: Sangamon State University
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4


   Some more machine name ideas:

       Dead Composers:     mozart, beethoven, wolfgang, bernstein, jsbach
       Cartoon Characters: snoopy, linus, lucy, calvin, hagar, acapp
       Animals:            goldfish, redfish, grizzly, stingray
       License Plates:     ufolome, im2sxe, noibm

--wg
      ______                                                               
      )     (   Greetings from the Land of Lincoln                         
     /       |  Sangamon State University, Springfield, IL                 
    (        |                                                             
     \_  *   |                                                             
       \     |  Warren Gill, Microcomputer Software Specialist             
       /    /   Internet:  Gill@Eagle.Sangamon.edu                         
        \/\/