From: ciaran@county.lmt.mn.org (Ciaran Benson)
Subject: Coming out to Parents (was books for new pagans)
Reply-To: ciaran@county.lmt.mn.org (Ciaran Benson)
Organization: LaserMaster Technologies, Minneapolis, MN
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 92 00:52:06 GMT

In article <lasabdINNdti@aludra.usc.edu>, eburke@aludra.usc.edu (Kethry) 
writes:
> 
>Lucky you that you can soften your parents up with books.  I just started
>learning the Craft a couple of months ago, although I have been interested
>in it for years.  I have lots of fiction books that could soften them up
>if they were responsive (Mercedes Lackey's books about Valdemar and such 
>are good ones, although I'm not so sure about her Diana Tregarde novels).
>The DT novels are good to read and my parents loved them, but that doesn't
>change their attitude.  I slipped and said something about why I've been
>burning yellow candles (another long story for later), and they decided that
>no one is allowed to burn candles in the house.  They also told my sister
>that while they don't care who believes what in the house, they wil not 
>allow the practice of any religion other than X-ianity in the house.  They
>won't come to me directly about it (I think they're afraid of me, although
>I don't give them any reason to be nor will they come and ask me about 
>anything
>they are basing their actions on there own suspicions.)  The reason they
>went to my sister is because she did a school project on Satanism, although
>she is not interested in it as a religion........Also, they knew that she
>would come directly to me thereby avoiding a confrontation..."

  This is very sad, and very unfortunate.  Your parents are missing an
important part of your life, and I have so many friends who are in the
same boat that I have to say it sounds like it's very common.

  My partner's parents are very much like you describe your's.
They're OK with us being Pagans, just so long as we never, never,
never use the "W" word around them.

  And so long as we never mention that we worship a Goddess.

  With my folks, it worked out really well because the kind of worship
that I do is fairly close to what my mother's grandparents did.

  In fact, when my grandmother found out that I was getting handfasted,
she got real serious and asked; "so, what religion is she?", and I told
her Pagan, waiting for some disapproving remark since I'd never talked
with her at that point about my Paganism.

  But she smiles really big and pats me on the sholder and says; "Thank
God, I was afraid that she was Catholic".

  (My appologies to any Catholics ... my grandmother's had some really bad
experiences with "the church").

  We got handfasted in a national park nearby, and of course all of the
relatives who we DIDN'T invite showed up.  They got quite a show.  I
still don't exist as far as most of my father's family is concerned.

  For the most part, I've had to live with the "family is by the heart, not
the blood" philosophy, and just move away (not hard to do in my case).

  As long as you're living with your parents, though, I'd suggest that
you do whatever's necessary to not upset them, no matter how much  you may be
uncomfortable.  And also, be very, very, very careful about where you
do practice, if at all -- I couldn't tell how young you were in the post,
but if your parents for some reason get the idea that you can be "cured",
and you are still not legally an adult, they can probably make your life
very miserable.  Candles are very obvious, and inscense is impossible
to hide.  If you want to keep practicing your religion, you might do
well to at least accept the letter of their law, and do it somewhere
else -- or find a compatible religion which you can practice and which
might settle your parent's fears (in my case it was Buddhism).

  Please be careful, and take care of yourself.

  And be gentle with your parents, it sounds like they're going to need a
long time to even discuss your beliefs.

  Blessed be, Ciaran.

  $uslinit; include oblig.sig <<
  "...And here, Queen Aphrodite, pour heavenly nectar into gold
   cups, and fill them gracefully with sudden joy."  -- Sappho >>