From: oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu (Sharon O'Neil)
Subject: Re: Does Anyone Get over Being Lonely
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 12:18:44 GMT

stuarta@syd.dms.CSIRO.AU (Stuart Andrews) writes:


>> It has been 2 months and 10 days since my girlfriend of 3 and a
>> half years has broken up with me.  After begging and pleading and

>I found the begging and pleading doesn't work. Methinks tho, you 
>have to do it once to learn. And it is hard, you wonder how you will
>ever live without her/him.

I've been through this twice.  That is, I've had two serious relationships
and both ended against my wishes.  Although the breakup of the second one
(about five weeks ago) still hurts, it's tempered by the knowledge that I
got over the first, so I will get over the second. 

>> even calling her about 4 weeks ago (like a dummy), I was wondering
>> if you ever get over feeling lonely or missing that special
>> someone to share life with?

>YES. I can state conclusively that you will. It mat take a bit longer
>2 months and 10 days, but you *will*.

It took me nearly a year to get over the first serious relationship that
broke up.  Now, to be honest, the pain was a lot more intense at one week
than at one month, at one month than at six, at six months than at one year.

DO remember that feeling lonely is human.  We all feel lonely at times.  And
DO remember that there are other people out there to spend your life with.
That special someone is not the ONLY special someone.

>I don't try to forget. You can't stop loving someone you have loved so
>much, you will always have a place in your heart for them. Remember
>the good times, try not to dwell on them...

One thing that helps me is realizing that just because the relationships I've
had haven't worked out doesn't invalidate them.  The love I felt at the time
was very real.  Just because the relationship doesn't last doesn't mean that
the love can't last.  Of course, the love will change.  The love I felt for
the first is no longer the intense, passionate love I felt.  It's more of a 
concern and hope that he's happy in the life he has now.

>I like to listen to soppy songs... Relive memories...

This is something that gets easier with time.

>and kid myself with stuff like...

>"I don't wan't to lose you now...
>Were gonna get through somehow..." Gloria Estefaan

Oh sigh!  Gloria Estefan's songs were what seemed to bring me together with
him four years ago.  Actually, Gloria's got a ton of these songs!

>but the bottom line is...

>"there is no-one to blame
> it's just not the same
> and its never gonna be the same again..."
>You have to convince yourself...
>"You know it's over and you've got to say good-bye"

>OTher important thing is not to lock yourself away feeling sorry
>for yourself never meeting people or enjoying life - that *will*
>make it take longer.

Seconding the advice: Get out of your room and do something.  Meet people.
Get a new hobby.  The best way for me to get over a breakup is to keep
busy, busy, busy.  Pretty soon you realize that you haven't thought of 
your ex for a whole evening!  Amazing!

>And before you quite know it... someone else *will* pop into your
>life (I *can* vouch for that too (Hi Kezzle!)) or, to quote Cher
>again...

This is definitely true!

Take care!

Sharon
oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu