HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Denial of other abuse forms
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 18:53:03 GMT

hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine) writes:
>I admit to having gotten hung up on this point myself and I'm still
>not sure why.  Part of it was that I wanted (and want) so much to
>finally know the "full extent" of my abuse (even though that probably
>isn't possible).  I always resist admitting that something *else* was
>wrong with my childhood, too.

>I think that's because, each time I uncover something else, I feel
>that it will be that much longer until I can pass for a "normie".
>That's a painful belief.  (And of dubious validity.)

>And, at some level, I don't know if it matters.  If I end up dealing
>with all the major "crossed wires" I have via working on my sexual
>abuse issues, does it really matter if there were other forms of
>abuse?

>For example, I don't know of anyone who endured familial sexual abuse
>who didn't also endure emotional abuse.  Other folks soley experienced
>emotional abuse.  Does my emotional abuse stuff need to get worked on
>seperately?

i think the emotional stuff is probably all wrapped up with the other stuff.  i
have a feeling that if you deal with one, you'll end up dealing with the other
at the same time...
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU
Subject: A Little Girl and Her Dog ***MILD SPOILER***
Organization: UNC Charlotte
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 18:47:56 GMT

This isn't anything really graphic or terribly disturbing, just terribly sad
in the first part. It makes me cry to write it even though its not graphic.
Just thought I would warn people.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Once upon a time, not all that long ago (in early 1968) there was a little
girl who got a puppy. The puppy was a mutt (and I guess she was kind of goofy
looking), but the little girl loved the puppy very much. You see, the little
girl needed someone to love her because she was very much alone in the world,
although she was too little then to know how *very much* alone she was. She
named the puppy "Pokey" after the dog in her favorite storybook, The Pokey
Little Puppy.
 
One day The Man decided to take a picture of the little girl holding the puppy.
Now, The Man didn't like little girls and he didn't like puppies, but he did
like to act nice in public so people would admire him.
 
When the picture was developed it showed the little girl and Pokey in one part
of the print, but it showed The Man's big, black Shadow in the other part. This
was very symbolic to the little girl when she got bigger because The Man over-
shadowed a great deal of her life. In fact, so much so that she really wasn't a
little girl by the end of 1968, she was really a tiny old woman.
 
Pokey was a very good dog who loved the little girl, but she couldn't
protect the little girl from The Man and His Shadow. The little girl often
wished that Pokey could.
 
One day (in about 1986) when Pokey was gone (because she'd gotten old and
died) the little girl realized that, even though The Man was far away, His
Shadow was still darkening her life. So she got out the picture (she had
kept it because she was impressed with its truth) and she TORE OFF the part
with  The Man's Shadow on it (but she kept the part with her and Pokey).
 
Then SHE SET THE MAN'S SHADOW ON FIRE and said that she was BURNING HIM UP!!!
 
After that, the little girl felt much better. In fact she felt younger than she
had since 1968. And she feels even younger (and better) now for having written
this (despite the necessity of running across the hall for more tissues every
five minutes while she was writing)!
 
Erin
From: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: when first 'membered
Date: 17 Dec 1992 01:17:26 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.30@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


We found this thing we wrote about a year ago.

11-9-91

I'm reading about incest & I think I may have been sexually abused as a 
child.  I've thought it before because my my very violent emotional &
tense response to seeing any kind of sexual abuse & I'm getting the
shakes and crying as I read in _Courage to Heal_ and I remember all
the dreams & daydreams I used to have as a kid about being raped &  I
always masturbated & I still fantasize about it sometimes.  All this 
feeling is coming form somewhere & most incest survivors don't 
remember the abuse.

[line break -- and slightly different handwriting]

I think I was sexually abused in my childhood.  I'm not sure when - maybe
the aprtment in Lucas Hunt Villiage - that old man who I used to visit?!
Otto & Edna?  ask my mom about why we moved & talk to a counselor.

[slightly different - neater handwriting]

I've thought before that I was abused - now because of this course I'm
allowing myself to consider it.

[handwriting change again -- messier again, like the second part]

At Karen & Judy's house - the way I dragged my feet serving?

11-10

My memory lapses w/Jacob, Laoma & dealing with Jon's abuse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

scary finding that again....the day we first realized we were a survivor.
I was taking a class to learn to be a counselor for suvivors of sexual
assualt & doing my reading in the Courage to Heal prompted my realization
that something had happened to ME.  that apartment i thought stuff might
have happened in -- that is where I think my aunt Pam sold me sexually
and Karen & Judy's house -- i don't know if sexual abuse went on there,
but those two women were very emotionally abusive to me...ick....
really scary finding that.  only a little more than a year ago.

sorry, shit we have to run away again, somebody [the scared one -- she's
a grown up and we know she is important but she's the scared one and
she doesn't know who she is] is panicking and saying we can't write about
this stuff again.  so off we go.

us peoples


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: esquire@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Scott C. Kramer)
Subject: Re: asshole
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 16:07:42 GMT

In article <1992Dec16.184304.26557@u.washington.edu> cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell) writes:
>anon-1280@twwells.com (Alaska) writes:
>
>>From: anon-1383@twwells.com (Apple)
>>>and Alaska, real nice post about Enigma.  
>
>>oh myg od, i nevernevernerever meant to hurt anyone
>
>we know that.  like enigma herself posted, it was *her* problem to deal with,
>not a problem you thrust on her.
>
>>>I nominate you for asshole of the month award.....
>
>>yes youre right
>
>no, apple's wrong.  wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.  like the rest of us, you're
>just trying to do your best.  i'd say "everyone makes mistakes," alaska, but i
>really don't think you made any mistakes here.  who to believe: enigma, who
>knows best what her own problems and their sources are, or apple, who doesn't
>know either of you.  hm, i know whom i'd believe...
 Since when do people have a right to have awards like "A**hold of the Month:
 on here for, that is ridiculous..no one is one and yes, everyone has mistakes
and that is when people need the most, not some oblibitory remark about
being in a donkey's rear...

>
><good stuff...>
>-- 
>+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
>|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
>+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+

A Very Concerned Person
From: anon-1397@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: testpost
Date: 18 Dec 92 18:01:36 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

test post



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU
Subject: I'm depressed
Organization: UNC Charlotte
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 17:34:46 GMT

I'm depressed, as some of you may possibly have noticed from my previous 2
posts. :-) I wish things didn't matter so much to me, but they do. All sorts
of things.
 
I feel like I'm just thrashing around, inadvertantly hitting the wrong people
and driving them away.
 
There's an old blues song (or probably a bunch of them) that goes:
     "Seems like most everything I do is *wrong*."
 
                                *********
On the brighter side I'm going to get myself a modem for Christmas so I can
read and post from my home, instead of having to drive out to work on the
weekend. This way, even if I don't get my job permanently this spring, I'll
still have access to the net. Since I'm a grad student as well as a staff
member (and my thesis won't be finished in the forseeable future), I'll still
have an account.
 
Erin
From: fkittred@endor.uucp (Fletcher Kittredge)
Subject: Re: Explanation re: Ed's APS requested
Organization: Aiken Computation Lab, Harvard University
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 13:02:22 GMT

In article <BzBxnz.CzL@twwells.com> anon-1159@twwells.com (Kristian) writes:
>Does this mean that a person with a PC attached to a network and
>with an IP number can mount this software on her/his own machine
>and send MAIL which gets anonymized through this?

Having an IP number has nothing to do with it.  Usenet traffic is sent
via a wide variety of media;  TCP/IP is only one of them.  Many people just
use dialup lines and UUCP.  All you need is a PC running the news and mail
software (which probably would have to be a Unix PC), a modem and a node
already on the Usenet willing to exchange traffic with you.

>I had assumed
>that one had to get the people in charge of the mainframe mailers
>to mount the software somewhere accessible to us peons.

Nope.

>If you want to recommend a basic text to get me up to speed on
>these things at the same time as you are addressing my question,
>I am cheerfully open to suggestions (just don't be too
>disparaging of my attempts at self education  :-))

Check out the O'Reilly line of books on "everything you need to know about
X".  In particular, the books on mail, news and UUCP.

regards,
fletcher 
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Re: An Ad I Saw
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 23:29:58 GMT

In article <Bz0966.AIs@twwells.com> anon-1349@twwells.com (Mary) writes:

>what is even more serious is the sexualization of children in ads, music 
>videos, and television shows.  I have no doubt that such portrayals are
>correlated to sexual abuse.

I don't think that there is a correlation between portrayals of humans
as sexual beings and sexual abuse.  For me, that's giving too much
power to the media and denies the long history of sexual abuse in our
culture.  The problem is much larger than something we can fix by
changing the media image.  I believe that media relects society, it
doesn't lead it.  (At least, I don't want to give up that much power
to the media.)

As partial evidence, I offer the fact that I've traced physical and
sexual abuse in one branch of my geneology through 7 generations to
the middle of last century.  (It probably goes on further, but that's
when this branch emigrated from Germany.)  This goes back well before
current mass media.

If anything, I think current mass media is *helping* (albeit they
could do a lot more).  We now have more forums for raising awareness
about the problem.  That "breaking the silence" has enabled lots of
folks, myself included, to accept what happened and work with it,
instead of keeping a "shameful" secret.

>So----  don't let them feed us a bunch of crap.  Don't let them convince us
>that we aren't good enough or that there is something wrong with us.  Isn't
>that what someone has been doing to us in one way or the other throughout
>our lives????  We need to formulate our own ideas about who we are and what
>we are going to be like and not let *anyone*:  our abusers, advertisers, the
>media, whoever, convince us that we are inferior in any way.
Right on!  I agree 100% with this!
-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Still Wondering
Date: 19 Dec 92 08:12:57 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)

>I'm having a hard time believing that I was sexually abused.  There was
>abuse of other kinds--emotional starvation--but my parents were decidedly
>non-physical.  I can't remember that they ever touched each other.

>The idea that either of them would physically abuse me in
>any way just isn't consistent with my memories of them.

I used to view my folks as "perfect", as I could never remember a
fight or even raised words between them.  All their friends saw their
marriage as "perfect".

My folks weren't publically affectionate.  (Public meaning outside of
their bedroom -- maybe not even there.)  I didn't used to remember
them doing anything to me.

Now, though, I have remembered enough to know that my "ideal" parents
weren't.  (Both of them abused me.)

This may or may not be the case for you.  I just wanted to say that
it's not uncommon for survivors to only remember good things about
their perp.

Good luck, Liam, in your work to uncover this stuff.  It takes a lot
of courage and commitment -- which I clearly sense in you.

-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
From: anon-1487@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: a test
Date: 13 Dec 92 23:40:41 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

This is a test.

 Anon-ping:yes

 Anon-mail:yes

 Email-forward:yes



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From: anon-1357@twwells.com (Silver Tiger)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Happy Holidays(or not)
Date: 17 Dec 92 18:05:22 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


Here's wishing everyone a bearable holiday season, or a happy one
if you think it can be done... I think mine will be ok, as long as
my uncle does not show up (which I have no reason to believe will 
happen).  

I still have a lot of self-hate to work through, I have been noticing
how it showed thru in my youth... Some of my daydreams would be about
me being a tiger or white horse running along side our car, strong
and free... but it always seemed as if the daydreams ended with the
animal or whatever dying (sometimes dying because of being shot by
a bad man, or dying saving someone else).  Even these days I can
tell how I really feel by looking at what I daydream about... there
are still way more thoughts about dying (hopefully while saving
someone else's life).  A common daydream is a hostage situation where
I offer myself so the others can go, and then sometimes it ends that
I am shot, sometimes that I attack my captors and save everyone.
My tiger has helped me realize the daydreams where I can win, I can
attack the captors.  

Also, whenever I see someone on TV threatened with a gun or with death
or attempting to commit suicide, I get this little thrill/chill up
my spine, and I don't know whether it is just the tension or whether
it is the death... 

oh, wonderful holiday thoughts.  Make TODAY a special day...who needs
to wait for Christmas?

Happy days everyone.

Silver Tiger




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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: ftlao@acad3.alaska.edu (OSSANDER LINDA A)
Subject: Re: SPOILER: My Story (long)
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41.UAC
Organization: University of Alaska - Fairbanks
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 05:19:00 GMT

In article <1992Dec15.022341.19679@netcom.com>, hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine) writes...
>In article <42540@sdcc12.ucsd.edu> sakelley@euclid.ucsd.edu (Scott Kelley) writes:
>      [ a lot of very powerful stuff deleted ]
>Scott,
> 
>As with anyone's post, I can't comment on the "objective truth" (if
>there is such a thing), nor would I want to.
> 
>I'm very sorry your life is so painful right now.  I hope it helped to
>say what you said, and to have it heard.  My therapist often talks
>about the power of witnessing another's story, and of having one's own
>story witnessed.
> 
>I would like you to know that I hear a *lot* of pain.  I hear a huge
>feeling of betrayal.  I hear your soul crying out in it's loneliness.
> 


Thank You Scott!!

I remember you. *HUG* If you want if not pass it on.  I am glad you finially
told the story of what happened.  I know it was painful for you but people need
to hear it.

It took alot of courage to tell it all but it just confirms my own feelings
about what happened back then.

                            -Linda-


Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: stephen@def.bae.co.uk (Stephen Paynter)
Subject: Re: SPOILER: My Story (long)
Reply-To: stephen@def.bae.co.uk
Organization: British Aerospace (Dynamics) Ltd
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 92 12:35:09 GMT

Dear Scott,

	It is very good to hear from you again. You don't know me as I have
been reading but not posting until recently. However, I remember you very well, and have often wondered how you were. Your posts were one of the first times I'd ever
heard of cutting - my heart really went out to you - and still does. I prayed and
wished, and prayed again, that you would come to see how great a person you are - it's
obvious from your posts! - and further that you would find someone to appreciate you 
and hold you.

	I'm very sorry to hear you are still in so much pain. I hope you find the
healing you are seeking, that you find a way to defuse the hurt. If you will forgive
an imperitive: Look after yourself.


===============================================================================
S.E. Paynter, BSc, AMIEE                | "This must be a Tuesday, I never
Applied Research Software Engineer      | could get the hang of Tuesdays"
British Aerospace Defence Ltd.,         |                     Douglas Adams
Dynamics Division,                      |======================================
FPC 450, P.O. Box 5, Filton,            | These views are mine and do not
Bristol, BS12 5HD, England.             | necessarily reflect those of my
                                        | employer, nor yours either! Of course
Email:  stephen.paynter@def.bae.co.uk   | I'd change my mind if someone 
Telephone: (UK) 0272 316108             | demonstrated a causal relationship; 
Fax: 0272 318092                        | no point in being intransigent about
                                        | these things. 
===============================================================================
From: anon-1394@twwells.com (darkangel)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: ****hug****
Date: 16 Dec 92 19:23:28 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

thank youthankyou
to all for being there...

things have been a real mell of a hess lately
but better now

now to come up with new excuses for avoiding dear old dad..
(like anyone really *needs* an excuse to avoid him..)

haven't been posting much because it's finals week
(and i've been trying not to think about any of this for a while
just want to get through one breakdown at a time :) )

(hi poohbear)

right..
well i should go now.
take care everyone (and you too krikket...alaska..)
darkangel



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From: anon-1298@twwells.com (Carol)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Inner Child
Date: 21 Dec 92 02:25:37 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I have been reading a book by John Bradshaw called "Home Coming -
Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child." It's all about
meeting the child you were and reliving those old experiences
with her/him and being able to support that child through it all.

Yesterday I saw someone very like my inner child. A girl about 10
years old. My attention was attracted to her crying as her
mother's boyfriend violently ripped her hand from her mother's
arm because *he* wanted to hold that arm! The girl walked away 
crying. The mother was a bit angry with her boyfriend but followed
him anyway. She called to her daughter "Come off the road - you
might get hit by a car." The boyfriend followed that with "Go further
into the road - hopefully you'll get hit by a car" and laughed
horribly. I wanted to go up to that man and say "you bastard". I
wanted to tell the mother to be more responsible. But mostly I
wanted to run after that little girl and hug her. But I did nothing.
Like most law abiding fucking minding-own-business citizens I
did nothing.

I feel guilty. I should have tried to do something. I *want* to
do something real to stop child abuse... and yet when I see it happen
in the street right in front of me I fail dismally. I would like to
hear what some of you guys have thought about actively preventing
the abuse of others, and what you have done, and what you think
are appropriate or inappropriate actions.

One last unconnected point - there has been a fair bit of criticism
lately of the anonymous posting service. I have mentioned the fact
here before that as an australian I am unable to post directly to
asar (as alt.sex* newsgroups are not officially allowed through. This
is apparently a decision from the US end and not ours.)  If the
anon posting service is taken away I, and many others down here, will
be cut off.

Best wishes,
	Carol



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Re: I'm depressed
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 01:49:53 GMT

In article <168BDB0E6.ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU> ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU writes:
>On the brighter side I'm going to get myself a modem for Christmas so I can
                                   ^^^^^^^^^^
Alright!!!!  What a neat thing to do -- to treat yourself to something
that facilitates your healing!
-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346