HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton)
Subject: Seldom-heard sentence
Organization: t.b, t.p.d, & a.d
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1993 06:42:49 GMT

"When you are wearing your best dress is _no_ time to start twisting
your teeth out, young lady."
  -- Clifton

--
cliftonr@netcom.com     Home: +1 808 521 9073  Work: +1 808 625 3234
Clifton Royston, Pope of the Church of the Subgenius in Paradise
"Some lives are like that." - attributed to Mark. Gooley
From: elvis@netcom.com ('kEvin')
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: I Consider New Digs
Summary: Executions
Keywords: Picasso
Date: 22 Dec 92 10:22:21 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest)
X-Obscurereference: tohu vavohu


I live in a crowded apartment; I long for more space.

I looked at a house; it was a funky place.

Great view!; ... of the digestive tract.

The ceilings were vaulted; to infinity they stretched.

Nice furnishings apparent; but scrunched into a dot.

the bedroom was comfy; you'ld think so too.

the location impressive; the Louvre, too true.

But given the price.....; toodle-oo


no surrealestate agent


kEvin
I was going to post a story, instead I got this.
my muses, they cruises, for bruises!
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: benth@microsoft.com (Ben)
Subject: I'd like to help you, but I'm a little behind in my composing...
Date: 18 Dec 92 16:56:32 GMT
Organization: Microsoft Corp.

So I read that Mozart may have suffered from Tourette's
Syndrome, evidence being that his letters to his
cousin were filled with obscene references to the 
buttocks and defecation.

I can see the headlines now: "Previously unknown
Mozart work found - 'Sonatas for the John' to be
released to the public" 

BENth


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius)
Subject: Synchronism
Organization: Encore Computer Corporation
Followups-To: talk.bizarre,misc.test
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1992 05:53:18 GMT

pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader) writes:
>This morning [SCENE MISSING] I came in to work early to exercise in the
>health club, 

No on here belongs to a health club.  What is that?  Do you guys sit
around and discuss health issues?

"Sad and demented, but social."  What the fuck was that quote?
--
!cat .signature
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Crow of Desperation)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Idiots of the world, unite!
Date: 24 Dec 1992 12:10:57 GMT
Organization: The Church of Pat
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4


Last night, I did Gooley's "Do-you-expect-me-to-talk-no-Mr.-Bond-I-expect-
you-to-die" thing with a gingerbread man.

Got pretty much the same response.


Mark "Crummy" Lippert
From: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Hallooooooo, Everybody!
Date: 22 Dec 1992 05:47:49 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc4.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, jea1@cornell.edu (John Austin) says:

>So, gosh.  Where the hell is everyone?  Is my feed fucked, or has everyone
>split for the hollidays or gotten stuck in last-minute projects that preclude
>pisti, er , posting?
>[...]
>Boyce Thompson Institute for Plant Research                                    

 Boyce Thompson Institute for Plant Research -- anagram
********************************************************
  O, Austin!  Yer t.b people confront the Christmas!
********************************************************


-- 
=======================
"Endeavor to persevere"
=======================
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Long-awaited East Coast Bob event
Date: 29 Dec 1992 21:13:55 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov

The East Coast Bob party will be held on February 13th, a Saturday.  It will
be held at the House of Boat-Anchors here in Williamsburg, VA. and will be
sponsored by Gypsy and myself.  More details will be forthcoming in the next
few days.  You are invited, and you don't even have to live on the East
coast to come.  Jerks will be shot.
--scott
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: Problem
Organization: Encore Computer Corporation
Distribution: talk
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1992 05:53:42 GMT

schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius) writes:
>My neighbor's dog keeps leaving little land mines on our lawn.
>I think he's getting them down at the Army Surplus store.  Does
>anyone know how to disarm one of these things?

I believe the correct action is to cover them in cheap, stove-top,
brown gravy.  They disappear in a day or so, recursively.
--
!cat .signature
From: sho@bohr.physics.purdue.edu (Sho Kuwamoto)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: less than perfect
Date: 21 Dec 92 19:32:03 GMT
Organization: Purdue University Physics Department

In article <BzMBBE.263@tegra.com> vail@tegra.com (Johnathan Vail) writes:
>sho@bohr.physics.purdue.edu (Sho Kuwamoto) writes:
>   From interviews, it also appears that Ms. Crawford has a
>   "brain the size of a dried pea," to quote a favorite movie
>   of mine.
>
>Well, as luck would have it I was just reading one of those model
>magazines (while on the lifecycle, of course) and they had an article
>about how smart models really are.  Cindy excelled at math and science
>and was a chemical major before her modeling career took off.

Whether or not Ms. Crawford was, um..., a "chemical" major,
I'm going to stick by my characterization of Ms. Crawford as
a legume-head.  Watching her reading cue cards in this
vauge, bizarre way while placing stress on the wrong symbols
(sometimes completely changing the meaning of sentences)
provides evidence enough, I'm afraid, "those model
magazines" not withstanding.

>The bottom line wether you like it or not is that her pert breasts are
>making more money than you and your melon sized brain ever will.

Gosh... You know, that *is* the bottom line.  Thanks for
setting me straight, Mr. Vail!

-Sho
--
sho@physics.purdue.edu

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gerald@cs.UAlberta.CA (Gerald Oskoboiny)
Subject: short shameful confession
Organization: University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1992 03:15:04 GMT

Last night, I sat through the first 15 minutes of ``Ghost Dad.''

Gerald, remote was too far away
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Subject: Re: short shameful confession
Reply-To: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Organization: SCI Systems, Inc., Huntsville, Al.
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 03:35:30 GMT

In article <1hqapkINNjek@news.aero.org> robert@aero.org (R. S. Statsinger) writes:
|Well, it's the holidays. The traffic in this group has died
|down. A bit. So it's time for the Second Unit - the t.b benchwarmers,
|lurkers, and newbies - to get into the ballgame......

|Directly adjacent to the entrance to our office is a door that
|is almost always closed and locked.   [ .... ]

|Turns out it's a room where new mothers use their breast pumps. 

|Sometimes I wish there was a peephole.

You're obviously not in Washington, DC....


-- 
Gary Heston    SCI Systems, Inc.  gary@sci34hub.sci.com   site admin
The Chairman of the Board and the CFO speak for SCI. I'm neither.
"Data sheet: HSN-3000 Nuclear Event Detector. The [NED] senses the gamma
radiation pulse [from a] nuclear weapon." As if we wouldn't notice...
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: Walking Between Rain Drops !!!!
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1992 02:47:49 GMT

In <1992Dec22.193935.570236@locus.com> dwight@devnet.la.locus.com (Dwight Tovey) writes:
>I don't know
>about rec.arts.startrek.misc or talk.bizarre, but the folks on
>alt.folklore.urban are notorious for their total lack of respect.

talk.bizarre will gut, cook, and EAT the lot of you.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: brighton@pixar.com (Bill Carson)
Subject: whats your excuse?
Summary: signal(SIGDWEEB, SIG_IGN);
Originator: brighton@stimpy
Keywords: thirtyeight, fourtytwo, fiftyfive, three
Organization: Pixar - Pt. Richmond, CA USA
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1992 05:26:21 GMT

so, has anyone had some irate dweeb storm into their
office to complain about how weird your music is when
it really isn't that weird and you want to retaliate
so bad that you can taste the blood about to spill
but instead reply, "i was born this way, whats your excuse?"

sort of anti-climatic when neither party doesn't have a good comeback
and the ammo isn't within easy reach

"run fer 'da hills!  they's cummin' fer us!"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Crow of Desperation)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Hell of a way to go
Date: 24 Dec 1992 12:17:11 GMT
Organization: The Church of Pat
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4


Whenever someone has a near death experience, they always talk about going
towards a white light and how wonderful it all is and being met by loved
ones.  How come you never hear of someone who goes to Hell?

After they get pull beack from the brink of death, they would wake up,
scared shitless, having met all their bastard relatives and so on.  Most
likely they would start doing about 5 million "Hair Marys" night and day.

Then again, maybe that white light is the glow from the fires of Hell and
the initial pleasentness felt is just a cruel, but clever tricked being
played by the demons....


Mark "Welcome, sucker" Lippert
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mlegare@wetware.com (Dr. Robert (BoB) Tech)
Subject: concepts for changing your reality
Organization: The Flying Killfile Ranch
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 08:22:34 GMT



the net holds unlimited possiblities for those who wish to alter their
personal realities.  amazing new levels and states of existance may be
attained simply by changing one's newsreading habits.

Experiment:

pick a specific topic/subject header/keyword from a newsgroup, one which
is getting heavy rotation, and regularly killfile it for two weeks.

as a suggested title, i propose "short shameful confession" in all its
forms.


-- 
if one falls on you,
we just carve your name on it
and leave it there...
mlegare@wetware.com
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: FUCKING MACY'S
Date: 22 Dec 1992 13:40:59 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov

In article <1992Dec21.221600.23456@telesciences.com> srscnslt@telesciences.com (Floyd) writes:
>In article <Bz0p9J.IHE@phage.cshl.org> boutell@isis.cshl.org (Tom Boutell) writes:
>>
>>SPIKE LEE
>>X CAP $20
>
>
>Zipperhead in Phila. has got the 'O' hats, for about the same price.

Is that an O. Henry cap?
--scott
From: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Xmas cheer, part one
Date: 23 Dec 1992 06:14:41 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc10.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius) says:

>If I see one more clever rewrite of "'Twas the Night Before
>Christmas" in the paper, I'm going to fly up to Washington
>and chop down the Presidential Christmas tree, in broad
>daylight.

 'Twas the Night Before Christmas -- anagram
************************************************
   Ah, the strength of t.b is/was crime!
************************************************

-- 
=======================
"Endeavor to persevere"
=======================
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: ANYONE LOOKS GOOD IN JEANS
Organization: Encore Computer Corporation
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1993 06:24:47 GMT

cj@eno.esd.sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
>kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius) writes:
>|thinman@netcom.com (Technically Sweet) writes:
>|>I look fondle-able in leather motorcycling pants.
>|>The kind with road warrior ribs on the knees and
>|>shin guards.
>|I certainly hope you didn't make that determination yourself.
>Why, no.  He employs an expert to make such determinations.

I was secretly hoping for the "Why, yes." answer with some clever
remark about mirrors and recursion.
--
!cat .signature
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: I hate the Mac
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1992 02:56:10 GMT

In <1992Dec21.235636.19915@vpnet.chi.il.us> orc@vpnet.chi.il.us (david parsons) writes:
>Every single manager in my office uses a Mac.  None of them can
>read mail, because it isn't on a Mac,

On the strength of this assertion alone, I must now insist upon a Mac at work.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Re: I'm scared..
Originator: jcarroll@ferris
Organization: Committee for the Prevention of Bizarrecon Northwest
Date: 22 Dec 92 23:58:14 CST


In article <1992Dec22.235149.28379@microsoft.com>, benth@microsoft.com (Ben) writes:
> 'cause Pat Finnerty is somewhere within ten miles
> of me, and I just know that if the Seattle fault is 
> gonna let loose anytime soon, it'll do it while he's
> around.
> 
> BENth
> 
> 


>chinook% finger benth@microsoft.com
>[microsoft.com]
>Login name: benth                       In real life: ???

Cut it out, Finerty.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.butt.harp
Subject: Re: ANYONE LOOKS GOOD IN JEANS
From: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)
Organization: The Man With Ten Cats
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 04:12:34 GMT
Reply-To: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)

In article <1992Dec28.000206.29242@netcom.com> richh@netcom.com (richh) writes:
>
>I look *tough* in jeans.

To look really *tough*, wear slightly baggy regulation prison jeans.

-- 

Rick Kelly	rmk@rmkhome.UUCP	merk!rmkhome!rmk	rmk@frog.UUCP
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: fulton@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Ben Fulton)
Subject: A review of this post
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 20:39:15 GMT


Not a bad post.  Starts off a little slowly, but quickly the reader becomes
aware of a subtle recursion, a sense that not all is coming together in a
strictly linear way; and as the reader continues deeper into the post, the 
understanding comes that the post is referring to itself!.  The author was 
clearly inspired by Hofstadter (Godel, Escher, Bach) and Smullyan (What is
the Name of this Book?), in the idea of using recursion as a literary device.
The post's central idea, of course, is not strictly original, and has been
used in several variants previously on this newsgroup; however, this reviewer
has not seen this specific variant previously.  The treatment, unfortunately,
is a trifle underdone; possibly the post would have benefited from additional
time spent on it.  However, one must notice the time stamp, Dec. 28, and
possibly some leeway is in order.  Probably worth the trouble taken to read 
it.



-- 
ben
fulton@silver.ucs.indiana.edu
dominate the subversive paradigm
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kimy@wam.umd.edu (Yong-Mi Kim)
Subject: cd wars resumption
Summary: I'm qooler than you are and my dick is bigger than yours
Keywords: dicksize, cds, qoolness
Organization: Workstations at Maryland, University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 04:10:04 GMT



Layer 1 of stack of cd's by my bed (there is another layer behind layer 1,
and there are stacks of cd's scattered in other locations in the room, not
to mention the LP's and cassettes):

New Order         Substance (disc 1)
The Beautiful South     Welcome to the Beautiful South
Pet Shop Boys     Please
Pergolesi         Stabat Mater/Salve Regina (Academy of Ancient Music)
Peter Gabriel     Shaking the Tree
Kronos Quartet    Black Angels
John Adams        The Chairman Dances/Two Fanfares/Other Works
Arvo Part         Miserere
Puccini           Puccini Heroines
Chris Isaak       Chris Isaak
Jimmy Somerville  Read My Lips
New Order         Substance (disc 2)
Peter Gabriel     So
Electronic        Electronic
The Police        Every Breath You Take (the singles)
Deacon Blue       Fellow Hoodlums
The Blue Nile     A Walk Across the Rooftops
The Blue Nile     Hats
Enya              Shepherd Moons
Chris Isaak       Heart Shaped World
Peter Gabriel     Us
Moby              Moby
Enya              Enya
Annie Lennox      Diva
Enya              Watermark
Haircut 100       Pelican West
The Trash Can Sinatras     Cake
The Waterboys     The Best of, '81-'90
Superchunk        Tossing Seeds (singles 89-91)
Human League      Greatest Hits
Front 242         Official Version
Miguel Bose       Tropical Storm
Bryan Ferry/Roxy Music     Street Life (greatest hits)
Billy Bragg       Don't Try This at Home
Split Enz         History Never Repeats (best of)


As an added bonus, tapes taped for the car/my brothers:
Wet Wet Wet/Living in a Box/Real Life/Paul Young
The Sundays/Roxy Music/Deacon Blue
Everything But the Girl
Moby/Ute Lemper
Ute Lemper Sings Kurt Weill/Michael Nyman Songbook



yong-mi
anybody have Roman Holliday or Japan's cover of "I second that emotion"?
From: jon@hill.lut.ac.uk (Jon P. Knight)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Coincidence?
Date: 24 Dec 92 10:14:28 GMT
Organization: Dept of Comp. Studies, Loughborough University of Tech., UK.

In article <1992Dec24.030643.16090@lut.ac.uk> L.H.Wood@lut.ac.uk (Lloyd Wood) writes:
>And the heavens opened, and the heathen spoke:
>[my wonderous post deleted for brevity]
>------------------------------
>

For a moment there, I was felt honoured.  I'd been followed up! By who
by?  Roger (IN BED) Carasso maybe?  Nope.  Mark Gooley being tangential
as usual?  Nope.  Someone like mr x or BoB TeCH threatening death with
terrifying instruments of mass destruction?  Nope.

One of my own bloody students.  Pah! (thanks anyway Lloyd; your cheque,
and clue, are on their way to you).

>Only non-nationals would consider this isle to be green and sceptred.
>
>But then, they haven't got a clue.
>

Lloyd however quickly redeems himself with this grade one flame bait.  I
await responces with, erm, interest.

>
>** Has anyone bought our album? - Pele **
>

Well I doubt you would have Lloyd.  They haven't released it as a
QuickTime sample for the Mac yet.

Jon



-- 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Jon Knight, Research Student in High Performance Networking and Distributed
Systems in the Department of _Computer_Studies_ at Loughborough University.
** I can't even talk to you without the aid of chemicals or lies. - Pele **
From: dsc3jfs@nmrdc1.nmrdc.nnmc.navy.mil (Jim Small)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: YOU POISONOUS LITTLE ICE DWARFS, YOU!
Date: 29 Dec 92 18:00:47 GMT
Organization: Naval Medical Research & Development Command


Now here's a title you have to respect.

-- 
I hate the 3B2
The 3B2 can bite me.
From: chrisl@sancho.sybase.com (Xian the Drive)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Will I go to hell just for thinking this?
Date: 21 Dec 92 15:19:01 GMT
Organization: Oh, nothing.
Originator: chrisl@elvis.com

In article <1992Dec14.003044.4713@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu>, jws5@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (JUSTIN WINSLOW SOLONYNKA) writes:

		[various BLASPHEMIES deleted]

|> Sorry about this - this is just a "newbie" spouting off.  One person's
|> opinion, no insult meant.

Wrong group for the disclaimer.
Perhaps alt.callahans or a.r.c?


|> 
|> -Sol | sorry about the door

Shouldn't have let it hit you on the ass on the way out.

|> -- 
|> <<j.w.s>> happy holydays


Hugs,

Round John Virgin,
Mother & Child
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Subject: Re: Short, shameful confession
Reply-To: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Organization: SCI Systems, Inc., Huntsville, Al.
Date: Sun, 27 Dec 1992 05:06:38 GMT

In article <9212232052.55@rmkhome.UUCP> rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly) writes:
>In article <1haghpINNq3o@terminator.rs.itd.umich.edu> ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano) writes:
>>i am going to drink an entire quart of
>>store-bought eggnog today.

>You should at least dump a pint of whisky into it.

Or, a quart of dark rum (preferrably Bacardi 151).

Then, he could call it "half-and-half".



-- 
Gary Heston    SCI Systems, Inc.  gary@sci34hub.sci.com   site admin
The Chairman of the Board and the CFO speak for SCI. I'm neither.
"Data sheet: HSN-3000 Nuclear Event Detector. The [NED] senses the gamma
radiation pulse [from a] nuclear weapon." As if we wouldn't notice...
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: flogging the christmas spirit
Date: 26 Dec 1992 00:05:14 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov

In article <1hdbiiINN8ru@terminator.rs.itd.umich.edu> ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano) writes:
>fuck.
>back to work in an hour.
>fuck fuck.
>and to work again twenty four hours from now.
>fuck fuck fuck.
>and to work again forty eight hours from now.
>fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Well, at least it sounds like you are getting a lot of sex over the holidays,
if nothing else.
--scott
  (at work on Christmas evening to check an ongoing disk format) 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy)
Subject: Re: Test
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 92 23:34:03 GMT

In article <1992Dec31.223015.13242@pbhyb.PacBell.COM> armally@pbhyb.PacBell.COM (arvind mally) writes:
>Hello anybody out there!!!

HI!!   :)    


			enjoy the fan mail loser.

--
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: vail@tegra.com (Johnathan Vail)
Subject: ARISIA.MICRO-BOB Happy Hour
Organization: Tegra-Varityper, Inc. Billerica, MA
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 16:11:34 GMT


Boston, Park Plaza, ARISIA, January 16.  I will be hosting another t.b
happy hour.  Watch for the familiar cave-newt/volcano logo for the
details.

Like the one in Orlando, this will happen about 6 or 7 PM, and will
again be catered by X industries.  Since ARISIA has some policy about
alcohol in the rooms "happy" may be limited to the usual sucrose,
caffiene, phosphoric acid and theobromine.

RSVP is unneccessary but if you think you will be there send me some
email so I can plan the supplies.

jv


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cliftonr@netcom.com (Neil Gaiman)
Subject: 100 words for Xmas
Organization: [crossposters anonymous]
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 00:49:44 GMT

                        Nicholas Was..

older than sin, and his beard could grow no whiter. He
 wanted to die.

The dwarfish natives of the arctic caverns did not speak his
 language, but conversed in their own, twittering tongue,
 conducted incomprehensible rituals, when they were not actually
 working in the factories.

Once every year they forced him, sobbing and protesting,
 into Endless Night. During the journey he would stand near every
 child in the world, leave one of the dwarves' invisible gifts by
 its bedside. The children slept, frozen into time.

He envied Prometheus and Loki, Sisyphus and Judas. His
 punishment was harsher.

Ho.

Ho.

Ho.

==============================================================
HERE'S A VIRTUAL XMAS CARD FOR YOU ALL.  IT'S A VERY SHORT (100 Word) STORY,
BY ME, ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN 'DRABBLE II', SOME YEARS AGO. LATER,
CALLIGRAPHED BY DAVE MCKEAN, IT ACTUALLY BECAME MY XMAS CARD FOR A YEAR OR SO.

(c) Neil Gaiman, crossposted from GEnie with permission.

(I had hoped to get this up by Christmas Day, but didn't get permission
to repost it right away.  Hope you all enjoy it anyway.  -- Clifton)

--
cliftonr@netcom.com     Home: +1 808 521 9073  Work: +1 808 625 3234
Clifton Royston, Pope of the Church of the Subgenius in Paradise
"Have a revelation, the first one's free/Soon to be addicted to eternity" - HMR