Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=us-ascii
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.autism
Date:         Thu, 5 Nov 1992 07:21:13 -0800
              <AUTISM@SJUVM.BITNET>
Comments:     Warning -- original Sender: tag was
              bennett@MILTON.U.WASHINGTON.EDU
From:         Thomas Bennett <bennett@U.WASHINGTON.EDU>
Subject:      Re: Alex at kindergarten

Dan et al,

In response to your question about my son Karl's lack of social skills,
yes, I am sad to say that he does feel a lot of pain at not having friends
and being treated as weird by others. It is so very frustrating to deal
with the situation that it is his behavior that separates him from the
others, and yet no matter how hard we try to convince him that he is the
only one who can change that, he still falls back into weird behaviors.
His main problem is that he exaggerates people kidding him or telling him
what to do, and gets very resentful. If he does something with a group
where someone (adult or child) "tells him what to do" or "treats him like
a baby," he will not want to do anything with that group again. Yet he
still will do things that invite such reactions from people. It's like my
knowing I need to lose weight, but not being able to walk by a dish of
goodies without taking some.

Tom Bennett

On Thu, 5 Nov 1992, Daniel Mont wrote:

> Thanks to everyone for writing back so quickly.  This is clearly an
> important and emotional issue for our family.  We now know (as I believe
> I posted earlier) that we can demand an aide.  But there is a big difference
> between having the school put an untrained (or poorly trained) aide in
> the classroom and not monitor Alex or understand Alex or address his
> particular needs.  That's why I feel going into "demand mode" too
> quickly and stridently could be counterproductive.  We might physically
> get what we want -- and aide in the class -- but without the cooperation
> and understanding of the teachers I don't know how useful that would be.
> I would rather convince them then have them have a stake in the decision
> and its outcomes then to set up an adverserial relationship.  Of course,
> if they seem unconvinceable then we have to just demand things and hope
> for the best.  I do believe that with the proper assistance public
> school is the right place for Alex and I don't want to burn any bridges.
>
> We have our parent-teacher conference on Monday. We are talking to someone
> on the district level this week, and we will make arrangements this week
> to take Alex to a place where he can get diagnosed as autistic by someone
> the school system acknowledges.  I will let people on this list know
> how those first two meetings went.  If I think people are listening to us
> and reacting appropriately I think we will let things continue to take
> there course.  If we are "dismissed" then clearly we will need to take
> more forceful action.  I don't want to procrastinate over something that
> is this important but I don't want to break down important relationships
> by rushing too quickly -- I mean *demanding* too quickly.
>
> I was sorry to hear of Karl's anguish about being "weird".  Jim Sinclair
> wrote on this network awhile ago that we shouldn't "mourn" for autistic
> people because they do not "need" or "value" interactions with other people
> in the same way non-autistics do.  This has helped Nanette and myself with
> Alex.  On the other hand, there are indications that Alex does want
> friends and is incapable of establishing friendships.  It is hard to
> believe that this doesn't cause him some pain.  Does Karl feel pain
> in this regard?  Since there is a range of autistic behavior and since
> with any group of humans there is a range of personality I imagine this
> issue is not a clear cut one.  I'd like to hear about autistic children
> who are older than Alex and how they deal with it.
>
> I also agree with the person (Bill Duncan, I think) who said we need more
> discussion of "the system" on this network.
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU