From: judy@locus.com (Judy Leedom Tyrer)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: No TV On Weekdays (Was:Misch.Child)
Date: 14 Aug 92 20:16:04 GMT
Organization: Locus Computing Corporation, Los Angeles, California

In article <4310180@hpcc01.corp.hp.com> poon@hpcc01.corp.hp.com (Vivienne Poon) writes:
>
>First about, I find we just couldn't fit TV into our weekday schedule. 
>I don't know how other families manage it, for us it's a constant rush 
>the moment we arrive home till lights off. 

Other families lead far less structured lives.  I think it is important to 
realize that there are people who would wither and die without schedules and 
structure in their lives and there are those of us who would wither and die 
living a scheduled and structured life.  I am one of the latter.  If I had 
been your child I bet I would behave in many ways like your youngest daughter 
because I am just NOT a scheduled person.  The Difficult Child deals with 
understanding children who are not "scheduled" and talks about how hard they 
are because you never know when they'll be hungry, when they'll be sleepy etc.  

Maybe we should trade youngest children because my baby is one of those who
NEEDS routine and we aren't very good at providing it for her.  But we are
learning to adjust.  As an infant we could set our watches by her.  And as a
toddler, she finds that always having a different bedtime, lunchtime, etc. is
really hard.  So she eats exactly the same times every day while the rest of
the family "goes with the flow".  She would just fit right into your scheduled
lives.

>Secondly, I know my children: you give them an inch, they will demand 
>a mile. If you allow a half hour "Sing along", they will ask for 
>"Mary Poppins" next time. So a rule is a rule. No arguments no fuss.
>They never get it and they don't miss it. Unless, :^), I bend a little
>bit for them on special occations -- we watched the Olympics together
>for a couple nights. Even for that, it costed lots of explanations to 
>undo the "damage". 
>

Here is another area in which there is great debate about parenting.  I would
rather teach my children the art of negotiation, when they've gone too far in
being a squeaky wheel, and how sometimes "no" doesn't mean "no" if there isn't
a really valid reason for it.  So, while you view all the "full" and 
"negotiating" etc. as a problem, I view it as a teaching opportunity.  I'm
not saying I'm right, but I have found that the most successful people I have
ever known in life have been the ones who did NOT take "no" for an answer.

I like the idea that you are willing to "bend" the rules for special treats.  
I just wouldn't look at your children trying to bend them more often than you
see fit as "damage" in need of repair.  And if one of your children is like me
and just cannot tolerate structure and routine, those bending of the rules 
may be more important to that child than you realize.  

Of course, you'd go insane if you tried to live in our house.  I view it as a
kind of comfortable chaos in which no one really knows what will happen next 
but the odds are good it will be a lot of fun.
-- 
Judy Leedom Tyrer

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"	- William Blake
Newsgroups: misc.kids