HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: mbm3@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (MARTIN BERNARD MUSHRUSH)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Message for Justin Sol.
Date: 24 Jan 93 02:27:12 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <1993Jan23.180854.6494@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>, pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (
fun fun fun boy) writes:
>In article <1993Jan23.061810.50669@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> mbm3@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (M
ARTIN BERNARD MUSHRUSH) writes:
>>-M.
>>ps, I think the people who frequent talk.bizarre aren't that bizarre.  They
>>only wish they were.  Don't get me wrong.  I wish I was too.
>
>my dear boy, i think you are dreadfully wrong. most of the 'non-losers'
>here don't think about being bizarre. they don't wish they were bizarre.
>they just live their lives and write their stories. anyone who wonders if
>they are 'really bizarre' or does things because they think it is the
>bizarre thing to do is missing the point.
>
>pat 'i'm so fucking weird and none of you could ever understand it in a
>million years no matter what cuz i'm just on a totally different plane, ok?"
>--
>                       PJF--->Biochem. grad student
>                             PUBLIC ENEMY #1
>
Hi.  Me again.  I know that some people out there are just writing their
stories, and I can understand what you're saying, but it still seems to me
that, with a name like "talk.bizarre," this whole thing is going to attract a
lot of people who say, "Oh yes that's for me I'm so weird no one understands
me and I'm just so bizarre and cool" and most of their stories suck.  I know
if you really have a desire to read the truly interesting and bizarre, you can
find it here, but it sure takes a lot of looking sometimes.  Besides, you and
I both know that I was speaking in glittering generalities...
-M.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@gath.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Re: THE DIVINE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE
Originator: jcarroll@gath
Organization: Ancient Exalted Cheesemasters
Date: 26 Jan 93 11:01:29 CST



mcelwre@cnsvax.uwec.edu:

>     Although the following article is on the subject of religious studies, it
>illustrates some important facts about the Universe:
>
>     (1) The physical universe is ONLY the LOWEST of at least a DOZEN major
>levels of existence.
>
>     (2) Certain phenomena which seem to have no physical origin result from
>INTERACTIONS between the physical universe and HIGHER LEVELS.

I see that Joachim now has competition for the title of Mr. Clueless of
Eau Claire for 1993.

At least this guy uses his own name.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: crisper@cats.ucsc.edu (Crisper Than Thou)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Song in my Head
Date: 28 Jan 1993 06:00:33 GMT
Organization: University of California; Santa Cruz
NNTP-Posting-Host: as215-ws-14.ucsc.edu


In article <1993Jan23.024850.113999@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> jws5@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (JUSTIN WINSLOW SOLONYNKA) writes:
>
>My friend told me that he has full albums run through his head.
>He says its like a CD player, playing the songs in order, except
>that it's on repeat mode.  Sometimes it's set on shuffle.
>
>Actually, he just told me that he thinks it's a three disk changer.
>Has Sony thought this up?
>                                -Justin
>
	What, putting CD-players inside the heads of random
 people? Oh yeah, a while ago.

	--The Elder Dan
	Single-disk CD, cellular phone, laser fax, and blender
	in MY head.


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rigler@dao.nrc.ca (Michael Rigler)
Subject: Re: help groups
Reply-To: rigler@dao.nrc.ca
Organization: DAO/CADC .
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 93 21:04:34 GMT

grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Termite of Temptation) writes:
>In article <1993Jan24.131437.3257@cnsvax.uwec.edu> hirschgm@cnsvax.uwec.edu writes:
>*What we really need is a Deities Anonymous.
>*
>*"Hello, my name is Thor, and... uh...  I am a Thunder God."
>
>"You're Thor?  I'm tho thore I can hardly pith!"

Really?  How long have you been Odin it? 

---
Rigler  "It is crazy as well since every god damned newbie 
         feels that they can make a ten word story." 
                                  -- Pat "Head on a Pike" Finnerty
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu (Mark-Jason Dominus)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: *** The Butt Report ***
Date: 22 Jan 93 15:09:37 GMT
	<1993Jan18.224551.17909@siemens.com>
Followup-To: misc.misc
Organization: University of Pennsylvania
In-reply-to: aad@siemens.com's message of 18 Jan 93 22:45:51 GMT

In article <1993Jan18.224551.17909@siemens.com> aad@siemens.com (Anthony Datri) writes:
>   >   of my butt sent a surge of blood coursing through my head, delivering 
>   >   the extra oxygen my brain needed to comprehend what I was reading.
>   Takin' another stab at Cat in the Hat, wot?

    Guy, I have been trying to fully comprehend _The Cat in the Hat_ for
my entire life.  If you think that _The Cat in the Hat_ is a simple book
and is easy to understand, I suggest that the problem is with you, and
not with the book or with Mr. Rigler.

    It sort of reminds me of the time I was talking to a guy about
_Godel Escher, Bach_, and he said ``Yeah, it took me about three days to
read.  Not really much to it, is there?''  He was serious, and so all I
could do was shrug, and who know?  Maybe he really had comprehended the
whole thing and mulled over all the miscellaneous philosophical byways
in that book in three days---or maybe there was something else going on.

    Perhaps you'd better come back when you have a little more
understanding yourself.

Followups to misc.misc to get rid of those idiots who want to repost the
Freudian interpretation.
--

   Nihil tam absurde dici potest, quod non dicatur ab aliquo philosophorum.
Mark-Jason Dominus 	  			    mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Termite of Temptation)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Found Art II
Date: 28 Jan 1993 08:15:57 GMT
Organization: The Church of Pat
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4


Outside of Mitchell Hall, someone build a snow-sphinx.  I love it.


Mark "Noseless" Lippert
From: josh@cqs.washington.edu (Josh Hayes)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: short shameful confession
Date: 27 Jan 93 17:15:56 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: pogo.cqs.washington.edu

mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu (Mark-Jason Dominus) writes:

>There you go.  Better Living Through Casuistry.

I had to go look it up.

the doc
Hah, and you call yourself a DOCTOR
--
  Josh Hayes, Quantitative Sciences HR-20 U of Washington
  josh@mowgli.cqs.washington.edu             206 543-5004
      Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
          Young man, how is it that you do not?
From: tbrann@black.ox.ac.uk (Tony Brannigan)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: S S C
Date: 23 Jan 93 22:30:29 GMT
Organization: Oxford University, UK
Originator: tbrann@black

gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston) writes:
>What puzzles me is that these characters are claiming they got testicular
>cancer from a *handheld* device.....

Oh, I dunno.  Electric whisks are handheld, but people have ruptured
their rectums with them.

T
-- 
"And soon all of us will sleep under the earth, | tbrann@ox.ac.uk
  we who never let each other sleep above it."  | u90afb@ecs.ox.ac.uk
   Marina Tsvetayeva 1915                       |
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: an6273@anon.penet.fi (I. I. Pasternak)
Subject: Re: reward
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: talk.bizarre
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 05:41:53 GMT

>   500,000 quatloos to anyone who can figure out what my middle 
>   intial "V." stands for.

Rumpelstiltskin!
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Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: A challenge!
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 00:45:10 GMT

>>>>                         BRIDGET, THE TEMPEST AND TODD
>>>>
>>>> The wind picked up and Bridget's print skirt wheeled towards her
>>>> as her anal cavity opened. While furniture flew through the air and
>>>the grand piano came crashing down the stairs; she let out a fart and
>>it was all melody, and the piano struck a dissonant chord, composing
>>beautiful music as it approached its strenduous death upon the floor.

>She turned suddenly and saw Todd approaching with his
                                                       slender, shapely
legs, his bosom heaving with emotion.  "Oh no," she cried, "the marmalade
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: babs@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (Babs Woods)
Subject: Re: snow, snow, and more snow
Organization: Our Lady of Perpetual Mirth (Pacifica)
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 01:52:18 GMT

In <9301081751.15@rmkhome.UUCP> rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly) writes:

>In article <73110@cup.portal.com> lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman) writes:
>>The news here in Northern California has headlined on a mother and
>>baby who spent 8 days in a snow cave in the Sierras while hubby went
>>tramping about to look for help. They all survived, despite having had no food.
>>
>>Disgraceful behaviour. Totally neglecting the esteemed Donner Pass tradition
>>for people marooned in winter in the Sierras, nobody ate anybody. Pfooee.


>Actually, they had a fairly steady supply of mother's milk.

As I recall, the mother had the fruitcake (I think that's what they had,
or some other baked-sweet), and she ate melted snow for water.  Baby
Clay had the breastmilk (he's 5 months old and there's not a hell of
a lot else he could have eaten).  Personally, I think he made out the
best, since he didn't have to eat fruitcake and he didn't get
frostbitten. 

				-babs

-- 

"Excuse me, while I dance a little jig of despair."
	- hadley@ics.uci.edu (Ted Hadley)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: girl pursued by lesbians needs your help
Organization: University of Central Florida
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 13:58:14 GMT

jjh4@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (JANE HORVATH) writes:


>can anyone tell me how to make lesbians stop hitting on me? i am a
>heterosexual by choice and i don't plan to change that, yet several masculine
>women have been just a little bit too friendly to me. help.

>-jane


Hmmmm....  Well, Jane, the first thing we will need is some evidence
that these are actually lesbians, and that they are actually hitting
on you.  I suggest you come on to one of them, then bring her back
to your room, where I will be waiting in the closet with a camera,
taking careful note of anything that develops.

-mark
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Lee, Jackson, King Day (Re: Happy Mickey, Donald, Goofy day)
Date: 22 Jan 1993 23:35:21 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: nasdaq.intel.com

In article <cee1.727649161@Isis.MsState.Edu> cee1@ra.msstate.edu (Charles Evans) writes:
>bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton) writes:
>
>>>>Robert E. Lee, Andrew Jackson, Martin Luther King
>>>Geddy Lee, Michael Jackson, and Fred King.
>>Bruce Lee, Glenda Jackson, and Sky King.
>Hypatia Lee, Jesse Jackson, and Larry King.

Only one out of the three ("Hyapatia Lee") was an actual
improvement in total bizarreness over the previous
version.  The other two were merely banal.

You have been marked for deletion.

				--Blair
				  "M-x vi-mode
				   d'aZZ"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: an6946@anon.penet.fi (Hieronymous Bitch)
Subject: Pirate Pool
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: talk.bizarre
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 15:28:33 GMT

[ Pieces of ( Eight ] Ball )


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From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: das orgeltod
Date: 25 Jan 1993 00:21:47 GMT
Organization: UC Berkeley CS Dept.
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: cobra.cs.berkeley.edu

built in the 1720s, said the guide.  for the bass they imported
elephant at great expense.  the high notes go all the way up to
ferret.  

look at the polishing of the bones.  the art was never practiced
in europe and they had to import craftsmen from hindustan.  if
you look closely enough you will see an iridescent sheen, which
is due to gradual imbedding of the diamond polishing dust.
after completion the polishing artists were incorporated into
the third midrange, to insure uniqueness.

yes, as you point out the tremolos are not complete.
construction was directed and financed by the bishop of lower
palatine, malachi von wert, who was of course quite mad.
before work was quite complete word got out, and the pope
forced his resignation.  he was hanged in kiel on the fifth of
may 1728.

on the gallows he requested that he too be added to the
midranges; but this was, of course, denied.

yes, the traps are quite elegant.  the springs are of whalebone
and still work as far as anyone knows.  but those are just the
externals; no one really knows the extent of the thing.
recently some people from the university of koln wanted to do
an x-ray examination, but the bishop refused permission.

yes; in 1939, on his way to france with a panzer division, ss
general von blitzer attempted it.  a courageous man, but perhaps
his valor was greater than the situation demanded.

no, in fact the remains were never found.  for all we know he's
still in there.

no, not in the midranges.  <laughs>

c
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: short shameful transposition
Date: 28 Jan 1993 10:36:51 GMT
Organization: UC Berkeley CS Dept.
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: cobra.cs.berkeley.edu

Near my house there is an establishment by the name of "Vann's Auto Body."

It has not been gooleyized.  No my soil is not rich enough for
that.  It is clay hard and red and brutal.  The seed has sunk in
and now and forever I will think of that place as "Otto's Van Body"
and this horrible pun will not escape my skull until the angels
skate whirligigs in hell and the sun sets on the Imper Per which
is short for the Imperium Pervertatus In Deus Penetratus, and in
Times Square on the coldest day of the year there is no sound but
the soft baying of crocodiles.

c
oh you dont know about that?  well never mind then.
From: bungle@cellar.org (Sir Charles of Manson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Query
Date: 22 Jan 93 03:27:39 GMT
Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system



     Hey, ma'am, what's the street value of that crack-baby?



------
Sir Charles of Manson               "I can never be in Love,
bungle@cellar.org                     because I am Love."

                   The Cellar BBS (215) 539-3043
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aisa@sage.cc.purdue.edu (procrastination)
Subject: Re: just wondering
Organization: <>    
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 08:18:03 GMT

In article <74184@cup.portal.com> lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman) writes:
>: Is Chelsea Clinton's middle name Buns?
>: 
>: Mark., why can't people give their kids reasonable names these days?
>
>Her first stay-overnight lover will wake in the morning, look over, and
>eulogise "Woke up, it was a Chelsea morning." Or just hum it instead.
>

I wonder if Elvis Costello new what a great prophet he was.     

c.f.
-"I don't want to go to Chelsea"

 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: rictus hep, computer geek and preacher
Organization: Encore Computer Corporation
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 02:43:22 GMT
Keywords: add

schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius) writes:
>pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy) writes:
>>in his best southern drawl he preaches to the people. "The lord will swoop
>>down upon the earth and erase the minions of evil like the reformatting of
>>a hard drive. Not a trace shall remain."
>>--

>Peter Norton could save us.

Peter Norton is a character on thirtysomething.

Don't ask me how I know this....
--
Oh, man!  Look at those cavenewts go,
It's the freakiest show.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: hlow@mothra.syr.EDU (Handel Low)
Subject: After Two Crazy Horses
Organization: People's Equality Army
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 93 14:54:46 EST


"Hey!!  Wake up!  I need to know how many hours you worked
this week!"

"One forty."

"What?!"

"One forty."

"You worked a hundred and forty hours this week?!"

"That's when I puked."



handel "mm mm good" low

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy)
Subject: starting is hard
Summary: this about three tons of frustration presented in two dimensions.
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Keywords: hope
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 93 04:53:45 GMT

as i sit here trying to type out this damned abstract the cursor blinks.
blink blink blink blink. it won't stop either. oh sure, i could turn off
the computer, or even just the screen. but it would still be there. it
would be there in my head blink blink blinking at me non-stop. waiting for
me to type something. waiting for that inventive introduction. i wish i
could comply, really i do. it's just that, that it's so hard.  there are a
million ways for me to start. many of them are just as good as any other.
how i can i discriminate? how? but, i must. oh well...
--
"i sure wish i didn't have to print out every posting and read them by
brail. ascii just doesn't seem the same as when i could see."
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ilana@kiowa.scd.ucar.edu (Ilana)
Subject: Short Shameful 10-word llama palindrome 
Organization: NCAR/UCAR
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 17:29:58 GMT

In article <1jmk03INNo27@news.aero.org>, robert@aero.org (R. S. Statsinger) writes:
> Anal saw! Poop was Lana.
> 			
> 				R.S.
> please hurt me before I post again

10 demerits for misspelling my name.
10 demerits for only using 4 words.
10 demerits for not mentioning llamas.

New, improved version:

Anal idiot llama in Illini, am all to id, Ilana.

-- 
/\    "I'm only a human girl person.  I ain't always perfect."--Rambling Rose
  \_][ <--NCAR Ilana Stern dod#009 r.b. cliff swallow ilana@ncar.ucar.edu    
      \______________________________________________________________________
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Need Help
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 20:55:55 GMT


Quick, will someone marry me, retro-actively to 1992?

-rob, just got my tax forms

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius)
Subject: Word of the day
Organization: University of Central Florida
Distribution: talk
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 18:06:33 GMT

"Sick".

The noun form, as in "Jimi Hendrix died when he choked on his
own sick".


--mark
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rvacca@vyasa.helios.nd.edu (robert vacca)
Subject: Re: short, shameless, confession
Summary: Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do... like make a lame followup in the style of Jason Reese.
Organization: University of Notre Dame
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 23:43:47 GMT

J. Davidson, the Lost Cause, writes:

> Oh how I wish that I had a gif of this cute little, pug-nosed, busty, 
> giggly 21-year old's face when she said "EEEWWWW!".
> 
> She left shortly after.

	I'm sorry, Jason, she's with me now.

---
David Vacca, Just an Excitable Boy.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rigler@dao.nrc.ca (Michael Rigler)
Subject: Re: anyone need a harem?
Reply-To: rigler@dao.nrc.ca
Organization: DAO/CADC .
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 93 22:41:33 GMT

have clue, will travel writes:

>One month, total, beginning with one kamikaze at J.C. Dobbs and a game of
>Scruples, and my love life has become utterly, unexplainably chaotic.

Good for you, Jeff.  Now, after a month or two of this you may find
yourself craving even greater complexity in your life.  If you want
to go all the way and plunge yourself into a Recursive Topological
Love Pretzel of order SU(5), the simplest and fastest known way to 
accomplish this is to purchase a 170 gm Discraft Ultrastar and join
an ultimate team.  Then just sit back and relax while emotion-space 
folds all about you.

---
Rigler                               (Ben will back me up on this)
From: Tony Lezard <tony@mantis.co.uk>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: notice
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 93 16:45:24 GMT
Distribution: world
Organization: Mantis Consultants, Cambridge. UK.

   Notice
      how
   neatly
     this
paragraph
       is
justified
        .


__
TL
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: reward
Date: 24 Jan 93 19:08:04 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620

In article <1993Jan22.175425.28542@lynx.dac.northeastern.edu>, awells@lynx.dac.northeastern.edu (Andrew V. Wells) writes:
> 500,000 quatloos to anyone who can figure out what my middle 
> intial "V." stands for.

Verruca?

Jason

> andy wells                          
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@gath.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Re: Message for Justin Sol.
Originator: jcarroll@gath
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 23 Jan 93 17:47:41 CST


In article <1993Jan23.180854.6494@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>, pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy) writes:
> In article <1993Jan23.061810.50669@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu> mbm3@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (MARTIN BERNARD MUSHRUSH) writes:
> >-M.
> >ps, I think the people who frequent talk.bizarre aren't that bizarre.  They
> >only wish they were.  Don't get me wrong.  I wish I was too.
> 
> my dear boy, i think you are dreadfully wrong. most of the 'non-losers'
> here don't think about being bizarre. they don't wish they were bizarre.
> they just live their lives and write their stories. anyone who wonders if
> they are 'really bizarre' or does things because they think it is the
> bizarre thing to do is missing the point. 

on the other hand, most of us are losers.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rvacca@vyasa.helios.nd.edu (robert vacca)
Subject: Childhood memories
Organization: University of Notre Dame
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 00:08:53 GMT


	When I was younger I would not eat raw carrots.
	My brother would not eat cooked carrots.
	Since cooking carrots involved more effort for my parents
that just taking a knife to them (the carrots) my brother usually
won the carrot wars.
	So we had lots of raw carrots, because carrots were both
Good For You (tm) and Reasonably Priced (tm).
	When possible, I avoided them.  But one day I recieved
the common parental ultimatum "You eat those carrots or you'll
sit here until you do!"
	I sat there for three hours before I ate the carrots.
	The next day I planned ahead and wore a big shirt to
the dinner table.  Throughout dinner, I pretended to eat the
carrots, but actually dropped them onto my lap when my parents
weren't looking.  At the end of dinner I slipped the carrots
under my shirt and tucked my shirt in, and was excused.
	I then went up to my room, opened the window, and threw
the carrots out into the blackness over the hedge.
	I did this for three months.
	Then one day our gutter backed up underneath my window.
The gutter repairman (this was the seventies, when women could
not repair gutters) found a mass of rotten carrots blocking the
gutter.  Apparently I didn't get as much distance as I thought.
My parents were less than thrilled.

---
David Vacca, Just an Excitable Boy.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre