HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: peterb@yitbos.Aus.SUN.COM (Peter Boothby - Sun Melbourne SE)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
Date: 8 Jan 93 01:15:53 GMT
Reply-To: peterb@yitbos.Aus.SUN.COM
Organization: Sun Microsystems Australia
NNTP-Posting-Host: yitbos.aus.sun.com

>In article <1993Jan6.165846.3698@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au> s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper) writes:
>
>>Here is proof that it is natural to drive on the left hand side of the
>>road.
>
>>In olden times, when roads were first beginning to emerge, the sword
>>was the prefered weapon.  As most people are right handed the sword
>>was worn on the left side of the body.  Now when our sword wielding
>>traveller wished to mount his horse, he would have to do so from the
>>animal's left hand side.  Otherwise, his sword would interfere with
>>his mounting action.  If his horse was on the left hand side of the
>>road, the armed tourist could mount from the safety of the edge of 
>>the road.  However, if his horse was on the right hand side of the
>>road he would have to approach it from the centre of the road, thus
>>exposing himself to the danger of being trampled by some other
>>traveller.  Natural selection would quickly weed out the right hand
>>riders, leaving the left hand riders with greater opportunity to
>>breed.
>
>>When that just about proves it I guess.
>

I forwarded this to my father by e-mail and recieved the following reply:

        Of course this Cameron Hooper person is massaging an old story into 
something dull and without merit.  The actual facts are quite different.  They
need airing.

        Oxford Don, Martin Twekesberry, a specialist in the-easily-explained, 
made the observation in the British magazine "Nature" in October of 1949 that 
most people in all societies pick their noses with their  left hand and ride 
in cars that allow them to do their after-excavation-flicking out the left 
window and thus into the guttter.  On the other hand, most Muslims, who can 
afford to drive a car, cannot or choose not to use bathroom tissue and by long
custom, use the left hand for the same purpose that we westerners use the more
genteel rolled product.  When the Muslims began driving around with their left
hand on top of the car, the western dirivers did not know why, but thought it 
very sporty and followed suit and at once saluted the people on the port side 
of the car.  That is all there is to this non-story.  Hooper should find 
something more enlightening to write about. Swords, Indeed!


---
Pete Boothby
============================================================================
   ,-_|\   Systems Engineer                  ACSnet : peterb@sunaus.oz.au
  /     \  Sun Microsystems Australia      Internet : peterb@Aus.Sun.COM
  \_,-._/  180 Albert Rd		      Phone : +61 3 696 0099
       v   Melbourne, Vic  3205                 Fax : +61 3 690 0948
===========================================================================
From: s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Left vs Right
Date: 6 Jan 93 16:58:45 +1000
Organization: University of New South Wales

Here is proof that it is natural to drive on the left hand side of the
road.

In olden times, when roads were first beginning to emerge, the sword
was the prefered weapon.  As most people are right handed the sword
was worn on the left side of the body.  Now when our sword wielding
traveller wished to mount his horse, he would have to do so from the
animal's left hand side.  Otherwise, his sword would interfere with
his mounting action.  If his horse was on the left hand side of the
road, the armed tourist could mount from the safety of the edge of 
the road.  However, if his horse was on the right hand side of the
road he would have to approach it from the centre of the road, thus
exposing himself to the danger of being trampled by some other
traveller.  Natural selection would quickly weed out the right hand
riders, leaving the left hand riders with greater opportunity to
breed.

When that just about proves it I guess.


-- 
************************************************************************
*  Cameron Hooper                        University of New South Wales *
*  s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.oz.au                                      *
************************************************************************
From: erhellfr@cip.informatik.uni-erlangen.de (Edgar Hellfritsch)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 13:55:07 GMT
Organization: CSD., University of Erlangen
NNTP-Posting-Host: faui00g.informatik.uni-erlangen.de

s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper) writes:

>Here is proof that it is natural to drive on the left hand side of the
>road.

>In olden times, when roads were first beginning to emerge, the sword
>was the prefered weapon.  As most people are right handed the sword
>was worn on the left side of the body.  Now when our sword wielding
>traveller wished to mount his horse, he would have to do so from the
>animal's left hand side.  Otherwise, his sword would interfere with
>his mounting action.  If his horse was on the left hand side of the
>road, the armed tourist could mount from the safety of the edge of 
>the road.  However, if his horse was on the right hand side of the
>road he would have to approach it from the centre of the road, thus
>exposing himself to the danger of being trampled by some other
>traveller.  Natural selection would quickly weed out the right hand
>riders, leaving the left hand riders with greater opportunity to
>breed.

>When that just about proves it I guess.

Hmmm. Why then do you nowadays mount your car from the righthand side,
i.e the centre-of-the-road side? Natural selection in the shape of
trucks or taxi cabs is still working today, isn't it?

Edgar
---
 --------------------------------------------
|   Edgar Hellfritsch:             |/        |
|                                 (o)        |
|   "I've got the habit           uu )o      |
|    of typing the Rabbit."     ~~~~~~~~~    |
 --------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
From: system@codewks.nacjack.gen.nz (Wayne McDougall)
Date: Sat, 09 Jan 93 10:05:57 NZST
Organization: The Code Works Limited, PO Box 10 155, Auckland, New Zealand

muelleru@Mathematik.TU-Chemnitz.DE (Ulrich Mueller) writes:

> The sword theory doesn't prove it.
> Because in that times so roads weren't large at all. If the horse stood on 
> the left of the path the sword wearing rider had had to leave the small path
> to get on the horse. So the probability to stuck into a very dangerous snake 
> hidden under fallen leaves (just as an example) was much higher than
> if the horse stood on the right hand side.
> 
Which explains why it is left in England (with no dangerous snakes) and right
elsewhere (with).


-- 
  Wayne McDougall, BCNU

"I hate quotations." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: chris@suite.sw.oz.au (Chris Maltby)
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
Organization: Softway Pty Ltd
Date: 11 Jan 93 05:46:17 GMT

In <m9q5wB3w165w@codewks.nacjack.gen.nz> system@codewks.nacjack.gen.nz (Wayne McDougall) writes:

>muelleru@Mathematik.TU-Chemnitz.DE (Ulrich Mueller) writes:
>
>> The sword theory doesn't prove it.
>> Because in that times so roads weren't large at all. If the horse stood on 
>> the left of the path the sword wearing rider had had to leave the small path
>> to get on the horse. So the probability to stuck into a very dangerous snake 
>> hidden under fallen leaves (just as an example) was much higher than
>> if the horse stood on the right hand side.
>> 
>Which explains why it is left in England (with no dangerous snakes) and right
>elsewhere (with).

No, to explain the right-side-of-the-road crowd you need to factor in
that contrary race of people; the French. I am led to believe (pun
unintended) that it was Napoleon who thought he might be able to confuse
his enemies by marching his troops on the wrong (right) side of the road.
The idea being to make the enemies think the troops were going instead of
coming (or vice-versa). But it seems to me that someone who would be
confused as to which end of a horse is which doesn't need such a wayward
scheme to defeat them.

The Napoleon theory explains why Europe has right side driving but not
England (Napoleon was quite successful for a time), and also the USA
which was very friendly with the French at that time, and quite hostile
to England...

Ob Joke: The french; save the one's I've met who are quite nice really...
	 and of course anyone who may be offended by the suggestion, and
	 Serjeant Smithers, and...
-- 
Chris Maltby - Softway Pty Ltd		Internet: chris@softway.sw.oz.au

PHONE:	+61-2-698-2322	"I'm waiting for X-Windows to become just that;
FAX:	+61-2-699-9174	 Ex-Windows" - A McGrath.
From: odriscod@topaz.ucq.edu.au
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: women and radiators.....
Date: 6 Jan 93 17:05:51 AET
Organization: University of Central Queensland, Australia

Ok here's a joke for all those who complained that there
were no jokes....


What does a radiator and a woman's fanny have in common ???

ANS: They both leak when they're FUCKED!!!!


I thought it was good, who cares what you think..
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: ianst@qdpii.comp.qdpi.oz.au (Ian Staples)
Subject: Fergie by name, Fergie by nature
Organization: Qld Dept Primary Industries
Distribution: aus
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 09:34:24 GMT

Readers of _Australasian_Post_ and similar erudite southern publications
please excuse me if these are old hat.  They have only recently appeared
in that voice of the deep north, _The_Cairns_Post_, to which acknowledgments
for plagiarism:

Cairns family received a 12-week-old silky haired terrier/chihuahua pup
for Christmas.  The tiny animal lurching around in its long hairy coat
has been named Fergiee:  "She's a bit tatty and untidy, of questionable
breeding, and will go with anybody."   (CP, 7 Jan 93)

Subsequently:

The name has been confirmed by nature:  "Not only does the cute little
dog look untidy, but it also likes to lick anyone's toes."  (CP, 9 Jan 93)

 
-- 
Ian Staples                       | Internet : ianst@qdpii.comp.qdpi.oz.au
c/- P.O. Box 1054,                | Fax      : +61 (0)70 923 593
MAREEBA  Queensland  4880         | Voice    : +61 (0)70 921 555
Australia.                        | Home     : +61 (0)70 924 847
From: craig@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
Date: 12 Jan 93 13:33:09 +1000
Organization: University of New South Wales

In article <1993Jan6.165846.3698@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au>, s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper) writes:
> Here is proof that it is natural to drive on the left hand side of the
> road.
 and on and on and on ...

The way I heard it was:
In the early days of running horse-drawn coaches around merry olde
Englande (the penny post?), it was found that the coachman on top
using a whip in his right hand, and hence down the right-hand side
of the coach, was less likely to be collected by overhanging trees
if they drove the coach on the left-hand side of the road.

Craig McGregor
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
From: WEZAMG@DEVAX1 (George ZAMROZ)
Date: 8 Jan 93 08:30:02 +1000
Distribution: world
Organization: BHP Information Technology
Nntp-Posting-User: slab3
X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.11

In <1ihcnrEINNfoc@uni-erlangen.de> erhellfr@cip.informatik.uni-erlangen.de writes:

> s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper) writes:
> 
> >Here is proof that it is natural to drive on the left hand side of the
> >road.
> 
> >In olden times, when roads were first beginning to emerge, the sword
> >was the prefered weapon.  As most people are right handed the sword
> >was worn on the left side of the body.  Now when our sword wielding
> >traveller wished to mount his horse, he would have to do so from the
> >animal's left hand side.  Otherwise, his sword would interfere with
> >his mounting action.  If his horse was on the left hand side of the
> >road, the armed tourist could mount from the safety of the edge of 
> >the road.  However, if his horse was on the right hand side of the
> >road he would have to approach it from the centre of the road, thus
> >exposing himself to the danger of being trampled by some other
> >traveller.  Natural selection would quickly weed out the right hand
> >riders, leaving the left hand riders with greater opportunity to
> >breed.
> 
> >When that just about proves it I guess.
> 
> Hmmm. Why then do you nowadays mount your car from the righthand side,
> i.e the centre-of-the-road side? Natural selection in the shape of
> trucks or taxi cabs is still working today, isn't it?
> 
That argument, doesn't work. Whether you drive on the right hand side of the
road, or the left, you still mount your car from the centre-of-the-road side.

George Zamroz
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Dog Jokes
From: lippir@cbr.hhcs.gov.au (Robert Lipping)
Date: 11 Jan 93 17:47:04 +1000
Organization: Aust. Dept. Health, Housing and Community Services


While we're on the dog jokes, this is my personal favourite:

A man walks into a pub (hey, these jokes all start the same way!) along
with his vicious-looking Rottweiler dog. He goes to the bar and the 
bartender stops him. "Hey, you can't bring that vicious animal in here,"
says the bartender, "he might attack someone!"

The guy with the dog says, "Look, this dog's not vicious! He's placid and
gentle." The bartender says, "No, I'm sorry, you'll have to leave."

The guy says, "Look, I'll prove to you he's not vicious!" He then proceeds
to unzip his fly, pull out his dick and put it in the dog's mouth. Then he
takes off one shoe and starts belting the Rottweiler's backside as hard as
he can with the shoe. The dog just stands there and does nothing.

The guy stops, zips up and puts his shoe on. He gets a round of applause
from the crowd before saying, "OK, that proves it. Does anyone else want
to try?"

And a (stereotyped) gay voice comes from the back of the crowd "Ooh, yes 
please, but don't hit me as hard as that!"

Ermmm...

Have fun! Robert.
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Frog Joke
From: jtinkle@sparc1.sparc1.csubak.edu (j. tinkle )
Date: 5 Jan 93 19:55:10 PST
Organization: California State University, Bakersfield
Summary: By the way, I'm an Aussiephile whether you like the joke or not.

In article <johnd.726270029@cortex.physiol.su.oz.au> johnd@cortex.physiol.su.oz
.au (John Dodson) writes:
>In <1993Jan5.125254.1968@newssrv.edvz.univie.ac.at> Y3111DAA@vm.univie.ac.at w
rites:
>
>>>------------------------- Original Article -------------------------
>>>A little kid comes up to his Grandfather and says:
>>
>>>Kid:     "Grandad, can you make a noise like a frog?"
>>>Grandad: "Why yes, I can make a noise like a frog"
>>
>>>To which the boy replies
>>
>>>Kid:     "Great!, cos Mum said when you croak we can all go to
>>>Disneyland!"
>
>>You must still be recovering from your New Year's hangover; this
>>joke was posted seven jokes ago.  Don't be offended, however:  it
>>wasn't funny in either case and I can't think of a joke [either]
>>at the moment.
>
>Perhaps it was in the christmas crackers ? ;-)
>
>johnd@physiol.su.oz.au

"Well, how 'bout this one?"	-John Cleese, "Wizzo Chocolates", Monty Python.
Here's a joke I thought up:
Two ameobas go into the ameoba Post Office to buy some stamps.  They get a 
sheet of stamps depicting the latest in a series of Ameoban Authors.  The 
guy on the stamp is a very serious, solemn, somber looking guy.  One ameoba 
turns to the other and says,
"He must have been a fungi (fun-guy)!"

Jennifer
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
"PC?  What's a PC?  Ask an MIS major, Lady, I don't know."
Buster: "Why is this guy on our show?"  -- "When You're Hot . . ."
(Just reminds me of certain CS professors.  Why is this guy at our school?)
Babs: "Now THAT is negative thinking!"  -- "That's Art Folks!"
(What one of the other CS professors tells me about the preceding.)
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: torsten@cwis.unomaha.edu (Torsten Wesley Adair)
Subject: Re: Dog Jokes
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 02:28:03 GMT

lippir@cbr.hhcs.gov.au  writes:
> While we're on the dog jokes, this is my personal favourite:
> And a (stereotyped) gay voice comes from the back of the crowd "Ooh, yes 
> please, but don't hit me as hard as that!"
> 
> 
Here in the states, the joke is told like so (more or less):

	A (American) football coach is disgusted at his team, which is 
behind 48-0.  At halftime, he gathers his players in the lockeroom.  Taking
the team's mascot, a crocodile, he places his member in the crocs mouth, and 
the croc bites down.  The coach doesn't flinch.  He then pokes the croc in the
eye, and it releases the coach's member.  
	"Are any of you girls man enough to try that?" the coach bellows.
	A voice from the back says, "Sure, but please don't poke me in the 
eye."

I think your original joke would be better if the voice asks to be hit 
harder.

Torsten at Omaha	(Open an atlas, and look at North America.  Omaha,
Nebraska, will be in or near the spine.  The nice thing about Omaha is that 
it is very easy to go someplace else.)
From: Mark.Stiebel@f159.n633.z3.fidonet.org (Mark Stiebel)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Dog Jokes
Date: Sun, 03 Jan 1993 01:51:00

 Jogn Fahey wrote to all:

 JF> There was an alsation and a poodle in the waiting room at the local
 JF> vet.
 > Joke cut out to not be a pain in the arse <

 That reminds me of a joke I saw Lenny Henry tell on one of his shows.. I
can't remember it exactly, but I'll try my best..

A man walks into this bar with his talking dog. Of course, the barman can't
believe that the dog can talk, so he asks it "Can you really talk?"
"Of course I can!" replies the dog.
His owner adds "Yup, and Butch (that's the dog's name, dork!) can also do
anything I ask him to.  (turns to Butch) OK Butch, here's $5 .. I want you to
go to the store and buy me a paper and bring back the change."
So Butch wanders off to the store. Two hours later, Butch still isn't back,
and his owner is getting worried, so him and a few mates set off to find him.
They looked here and there and everywhere and couldn't find him.. They were on
their way back to the bar, when the owner spots Butch going for it on a
beautiful lady dog..  The owner looks at Butch, and says flabagasted "BUTCH!
You've never done anything like this before!"
To which Butch replied "HA! I never had the money before!!"

 -:{ M-><-S }:-


... Not only am I a master of suspense, but...
 * Origin:  The Gate - Melbourne, Australia - +61-3-879-9082  (3:633/159.0)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
From: muelleru@Mathematik.TU-Chemnitz.DE (Ulrich Mueller)
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
Organization: University of Technology Chemnitz, FRG
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 14:19:38 GMT

In article <1993Jan6.165846.3698@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au> s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper) writes:

>Here is proof that it is natural to drive on the left hand side of the
>road.

>In olden times, when roads were first beginning to emerge, the sword
>was the prefered weapon.  As most people are right handed the sword
>was worn on the left side of the body.  Now when our sword wielding
>traveller wished to mount his horse, he would have to do so from the
>animal's left hand side.  Otherwise, his sword would interfere with
>his mounting action.  If his horse was on the left hand side of the
>road, the armed tourist could mount from the safety of the edge of 
>the road.  However, if his horse was on the right hand side of the
>road he would have to approach it from the centre of the road, thus
>exposing himself to the danger of being trampled by some other
>traveller.  Natural selection would quickly weed out the right hand
>riders, leaving the left hand riders with greater opportunity to
>breed.

>When that just about proves it I guess.

The sword theory doesn't prove it.
Because in that times so roads weren't large at all. If the horse stood on 
the left of the path the sword wearing rider had had to leave the small path
to get on the horse. So the probability to stuck into a very dangerous snake 
hidden under fallen leaves (just as an example) was much higher than
if the horse stood on the right hand side.
From: erhellfr@cip.informatik.uni-erlangen.de (Edgar Hellfritsch)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 13:35:52 GMT
Organization: Student Pool, CSD, University of Erlangen, Germany
NNTP-Posting-Host: faui00p.informatik.uni-erlangen.de

rxkgt@minyos.xx.rmit.OZ.AU (George Tzanatos) writes:

>erhellfr@cip.informatik.uni-erlangen.de (Edgar Hellfritsch) writes:

>>s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper) writes:


>>>In olden times, when roads were first beginning to emerge, the sword
>>>was the prefered weapon.  As most people are right handed the sword
>......
>>>riders, leaving the left hand riders with greater opportunity to
>>>breed.

>>Hmmm. Why then do you nowadays mount your car from the righthand side,
>                                ^^^^^ 
                                 ^^^^^
A wordplay! This is a wordplay! Mount-horse -> Mount-car! 
Too subtle, of course, for the marsupial Australian to understand,
or so it seems.

>Whatever takes your fancy...

>& Who let the depraved loose ?? &
               ^^^^^^^^
Gonna look this up. And when it turns out an insult, then I, I,...
...well, I'm going to be really upset!

>George.

Edgar
---
         --------------------------------------------
        |   Edgar Hellfritsch:             |/        |
        |                                 (o)        |
        |   "I've got the habit           uu )o      |
        |    of typing the Rabbit."     ~~~~~~~~~    |
         --------------------------------------------
From: s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Left vs Right
Date: 9 Jan 93 19:32:29 +1000
Distribution: world
Organization: University of New South Wales

In article <1993Jan8.083003.41@iwsd01.itwol.bhp.com.au>, WEZAMG@DEVAX1 (George ZAMROZ) writes:
> In <1ihcnrEINNfoc@uni-erlangen.de> erhellfr@cip.informatik.uni-erlangen.de writes:
> 
>> s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper) writes:
>> 
>> >Here is proof that it is natural to drive on the left hand side of the
>> >road.
>> 
>> [Lots of powerful arguments deleted]
>> 
>> >When that just about proves it I guess.

When??!!  Bloody keyboard!

>> 
>> Hmmm. Why then do you nowadays mount your car from the righthand side,
>> i.e the centre-of-the-road side? Natural selection in the shape of
>> trucks or taxi cabs is still working today, isn't it?
>> 
> That argument, doesn't work. Whether you drive on the right hand side of the
> road, or the left, you still mount your car from the centre-of-the-road side.
> 
> George Zamroz

Yes that is correct.  Placing the driver's seat on the "centre-of-the-
road" side works equally against all drivers.  Even so, people have
been wielding swords and riding horses for a much longer time that 
they've been toting guns and driving machines.  Clearly, it is to
these observable facts that we must turn to discover the truth.  

Now I'm not asking any North Americans (and anywhere else
that denies nature and drives on the right) to switch sides as a 
result of this proof.  Science can only show us the nature of things.
You must do as you feel is right. 

-- 
Cameron Hooper
s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.oz.au
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
What's another way of describing the bottom of a recession?  The start
of the recovery.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Newsgroups: aus.jokes