From: ali@utrcv1 (ALI BABA)
Subject: Re: Iranian Men
Organization: United Technologies Research Center
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 13:53:54 GMT

In article <1992Aug10.130351.13710@sei.cmu.edu>, psc@sei.cmu.edu (Peter Capell) writes...
>
>As an American, it is strange to see some Iranian men going through the kind
>of self doubt that this era often makes American men feel with respect to
>women.  Having been brought up by two very strong women (mother and sister),
>I don't believe that without significant socialization I would make any
>distinctions about the capabilities of women vs. men.  Unfortunately we are
>a sexist society, there is basically no escaping it.  I don't think American
>women (in general) would say that American men were typically in touch with
>their feelings.  It is amusing to me that many women have told me that I am,
>but I really have no idea what they're talking about.  I just have feelings.
>
>Anyway, don't be too tough on yourselves.  After 12 years of marriage, I'll
>bet my wife wishes she married an Iranian.  OUR CULTURES ARE DIFFERENT!  I
>don't know what else to say about it.  My sister-in-law (an Iranian) also
>married an American.  Unfortunately she says she hates Iranian men.  She's
>given to extremes, but nonetheless, she's pretty passionate on this point.
>She may be thinking of examples like happened to an American-born Iranian
>woman we knew.  She married an Iranian man whom she had known for at least 2
>years as a friend.  He had been very kind to her until after the wedding.
>After they got married, he demanded that she turn over her paychecks to him,
>and so on and so forth.  He became someone else.  They divorced within 6
>months.  Hey, I wouldn't put up with that crap either.
>
>But anyway, an American might have done the same, there are a lot of bozos in
>the world.  Do any of you think this is typical treatment of Iranian women by
>Iranian men?  My wife thinks that Americans are *more* sexist that
>Iranians--citing the fact that Iran has an "ERA" law (equal work for equal
>pay).  On the other hand, American women don't have to cover their heads when
>they go buy groceries...

Dear peter;
As an Iranian man I have to accept it that you are right. Most of Iranian
women in here Which I talked to prefer to marry an American men or some
other nationality. I don't know if it's because most of us lost our persian
value and culture trying so hard to be an american or something else.
Yes; This is typical treatment of Iranian women by Iranian men. I think we
like to take what's only good for ourselves from both cultures. we like our
wife to work and bring the paycheck home and at the same time do all the
house work and cooking too. we like to go out and have a good time like
americans but when it comes to our wife, the story is different. we should
realize it we can't have our cake and eat it too at the same time.
I think nationality and culture does not have anything to do with a
successful marriage as far as you always give a little more than what you
are asking for.
It's nice to here some comments from Iranian women on this subject.
I posted this article before but since our network was down for two days
I don't know if it was posted or not If it was I apologize for posting it twice.

sincerely yours;

Ali Eslami

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