HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: witmayer@crash.cts.com (Eric Witmayer)
Subject: Re: TEST! Ignore..(Cascade)
Organization: CTS Network Services (crash, ctsnet), El Cajon, CA
Date: 10 Jan 93 05:04:37 PST

Danny Richman (gumby@spock.uucp) wrote:
: In article <1993Jan8.214205.11275@choate.edu> dsohl@spock.uucp (Daniel Sohl) writes:
: >In article <1993Jan8.174128.10060@choate.edu> kurgan@spock.uucp (Andrew Twyman) writes:
: >>In article <1993Jan8.173658.9896@choate.edu> dsohl@spock.uucp (Daniel Sohl) writes:
: >>>In article <8792.12049@stratus.SWDC.Stratus.COM> bruce@godzilla.swdc.stratus.com (Bruce Overby) writes:
: >>>>In article <1993Jan5.182314.25897@choate.edu> ramirez@spock.uucp (Andreas Orphanides) writes:
: >>>>>In article <1738@anon.smurf.sub.org> 328@anon.smurf.sub.org (Anonymous User 328) writes:
: >>>>>>This is a test is a test is a test is a test...
: >>>>>Why don't we all just give it a rest?
: >>>>It seems one more moron's escaped from the nest.
: >>>I think the original post was a jest.
: >>Oh boy, a thread.  I think they're the best.
: >Do you have something to get off your chest?
: Hey, This is more than I can digest.
one word applies to you all and it's "PEST"


 

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: filfeit@rael.Tymnet.COM (Fil Feit)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Obscure joke
Date: 11 Jan 93 20:32:33 GMT
Reply-To: filfeit@rael.Tymnet.COM
Organization: Sun Microsystems

In article 19213@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu, gb03@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (GEORGE PHILIP BLUHM) writes:
>In article <31640022@hpcuhe.cup.hp.com>, rinker@hpcuhe.cup.hp.com (Eric Rinker)
>writes:
>>
>>You're the only one who knows what a fetlock is.
>>
>
>Obviously you do not know a horse behind from a hole in the ground, or rather
>his leg.
>
>Phylee THEE MacNasty

What he doesn't know is a horse's leg from an old, front-loading gun.

And when was the last time you needed a FET, anyway?

--f2

-------------------------
  "You may wait here in the sitting room,
   or you can sit here in the waiting room."
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: chorley@vms.ocom.okstate.edu
Subject: Re: ...where angels fear...
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: OSU College of Osteopathic Medicine
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 18:47:43 GMT

In article <1533@blue.cis.pitt.edu>, babar+@pitt.edu (Jonggu Moon) writes:
> In article <1993Jan7.214455.7122@CERIS.Purdue.EDU> dheisler@CERIS.Purdue.EDU (Dave Heisler) writes:
>>From article <1993Jan7.124802.1@vms.ocom.okstate.edu>, by chorley@vms.ocom.okstate.edu:
>>> Hmmm... Tractor pulls with Robins pulling specially weighted Prams (that's bay
>>> carriages for the Atlantically-impaired)
>>> DNC.
>>
>>wow, whatever a pram is, it's gotta be big, after all a whole
>>bay.. oh, i get it, the atlantic is an ocean...maybe i don't...
> 
> "I have to push the pram alot"    From Monty Python's Holy Grail
>                                   the Camelot Song
OK, you smartarses (cf ba_y carriages) I never claimed I could TYPE
DNC> 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ghg@en.ecn.purdue.edu (George Goble)
Subject: request for engineer jokes
Keywords: engineer jokes
Organization: Purdue University Engineering Computer Network
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 93 08:59:55 GMT

Haven't seen any for awhile.  Would somebody mind posting a complete
list?
From: srd@ukc.ac.uk (S.R.Davies)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Naeem: don't emulate american, its a ghastly accent
Keywords: language
Date: 7 Jan 93 13:29:51 GMT
Reply-To: srd@ukc.ac.uk (S.R.Davies)
Organization: Computing Lab, University of Kent at Canterbury, UK.

In article <1993Jan6.025316.2017@pony.Ingres.COM> garrett@Ingres.COM (WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, READ THE INSTRUCTIONS) writes:

>In article <i3558.725901920@newsie>, i3558@newsie.dc.dk (Soren Michael Roug)                     writes...
>>I seems to me that this discussion is mostly, if not completely carried
>>out by americans. My advice to you is that if you want to improve your
>>english language then learn the King's english, not those barbarian dialects
>>the yanks choose to utter. 

>   [...]
>	Secondly, the English is one of the most basterdized languages
>in the world. It's a mish-mash of a dozen different languages (and that's
>not even including the multiple dialects in that tiny little island of yours.)

	That first sentence is a good example. You may be interested to
 know that Denmark is not an island !

 Regards, Steve.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bcollins@utdallas.edu (ARLIN B COLLINS)
Subject: Re: interesting christian-surname combinations
Organization: Univ. of Texas at Dallas
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 06:29:05 GMT

mefoster@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu (Mary Ellen Foster) writes:
> cduff@NeoSoft.com (C. Duff) writes:
>> pmclaugh@ecs.umass.edu writes:
>>>My sister, Claire Barrett, plans to name her firstborn Grinnin'.
>>
>>I know a guy named Philip John Orth, III.  He and his wife couldn't
>>wait till they had a son so they could name him Philip John Orth, the Fourth.
>
>The children's hospital in Halifax, NS, Canada (my hometown) is called the
>"Izaak Walton Killam Hospital for Children". 
>
  A [very good and reputable] hospital in NW Dallas is named:
	  Robert H Dedman Hospital, respectfully called "RHD" locally

-- 
 Arlin B Collins    Sat 09 Jan   Sun   Civil  Naut   Astro
 bcollins@utdallas.edu   rise:  07:31  07:04  06:34  06:04
 lat N32.9 long W096.9    set:  17:39  18:06  18:36  19:06
From: tmis2040@altair.selu.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: <None>
Date: 5 Jan 93 11:38:25 -0600
Distribution: world
Organization: Southeastern Louisiana University


Recently, my sis-in-law saw in our local paper a listing of new-borns.
One caught her eye...Shithead (don't know the last name). 

It was pronounced Sha-theed, but the spelling was Shithead.




Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mueller@b30news.b30.ingr.com ( Phil Mueller )
Subject: Re: Rudolf's nose is dimming
Organization: Intergraph
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 15:20:24 GMT

In article <8344@lib.tmc.edu> drg@biomath.mda.uth.tmc.edu (David Gutierrez) writes:
>In article <1993Jan5.194100.27704@b30.ingr.com> mueller@b30news.b30.ingr.com (
>Phil Mueller ) writes:
>>In article <8312@lib.tmc.edu> drg@biomath.mda.uth.tmc.edu (David Gutierrez)
>writes:
>>>"Only fools are positive." - Moe Howard
>>"Are you sure?"
>I'm positive!
"Only fools are positive."
-- 
Phil Mueller                  Telephone:  (205) 730-3231
Intergraph Corporation        FAX number: (205) 730-3453
Mailstop: GD3000              Internet: mueller@b30news.b30.ingr.com
Huntsville, AL 35894-0001     UUCP address: bogus.dont.use
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bcollins@utdallas.edu (ARLIN B COLLINS)
Subject: Re: Adult Smilies
Keywords: smilies
Organization: Univ. of Texas at Dallas
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 16:56:10 GMT

dlaro@lonestar.utsa.edu (David O. Laro) writes:
> ashley@spectrum.cs.unsw.oz.au (Ashley Aitken) writes:
>>
>>>What about the simple..
>>> :-   male
>>> >-   female
>>Whenever I use the symbol :-), people usually think, how cute.
>>Problem was I usually see it at a symbol for copulation.
>>:-)
>>
>
>Hmmm.   Ashley, how long have you had this problem?
>David
>

   what's the problem??       B-{)
-- 
 Arlin B Collins    Fri 08 Jan   Sun   Civil  Naut   Astro
 bcollins@utdallas.edu   rise:  07:31  07:04  06:34  06:04
 lat N32.9 long W096.9    set:  17:38  18:05  18:35  19:05
From: spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Boogers from Space
Date: 12 Jan 93 08:02:43 +1300
Organization: Just behind the back of beyond

So I'm arriving in the uk, right, and there's a queue about 10 miles
long and I'm due at my sister's place real soon, then I notice that the
next 7 or so people in the queue have Irish passports so I'm completely
stuffed (as they say)

I decide to put myself in the "Quick Queue" by getting some foot powder
out of my personals bag and rubbing it liberally under my nose.  I whip
out the emergency customs RayBans and start laughing to myself in a 
nervously hyper manner.

4 seconds later I'm escorted from the room to a private interview facility
where a customs official tries to introduce me to his Black and Decker 
Hammer-Action 50mm body-cavity checker.

I decline pleasantly by kicking him in his unprotected genitalia and
claiming diplomatic immunity.  They ask me what country and I tell
them I'm an Iraqi foreign National, seconded to the CIA on  a top secret
mission to find out  what Saddam wears to bed so they next "smart" bomb
will be a winner.  Apparently it'll be disguised as Jimmy Carter on a
visit  to ensure no-one brings smart bombs into the country.

They Buy it.

I get on the tube and am immediately bombarded  by  people picking
there noses and eating it.  Apparently it's a custom.  When in Rome..

So I'm picking my nose and eating it, and I'm getting these HUGE boogers out
of my left nostril - the size of pizza topping.

Then I get the idea...


              /\                                                             
   /\    /\/\/  \/\/\      /\  /\/\        /\                /\            /\  
__/  \/\/            \/\/\/  \/    \/\/\/\/  \  /\/\/\/\/\/\/  \/\      /\/  \ 
A 117 part secret message from Simon Travaglia\/spt@waikato.ac.nz \/\/\/
  /\          /\University of Waikato, Private Bag, Hamilton, New Zealand
\/  \    /\/\/  \/\/\      /\  /\/\Ph: 064-7-838-4008/\  /\  /\    /\      /\ 
     \/\/            \/\/\/  \/    \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  \/  \/  \/\/  \/\/\/  \ 
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
                                        -- Dean Martin
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: funny names
From: tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
Date: Fri, 08 Jan 93 11:44:18 PST
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

That   guy with amy fischer - WHAT was his name?

--                    
INTERNET:  tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!tumidity
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: Jack_Webb@mindlink.bc.ca (Jack Webb)
Subject: Re: Speaking of stupid commercials...
Organization: MIND LINK! - British Columbia, Canada
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 19:39:00 GMT

> Chris Bovitz writes:
>
> >who believe that if it has a French name it must be good?
>
> Doesn't "Blanc de Noir" mean "White or Black" or something like that?
> (The "or" may not be right - I don't speak or write French)
>
>
> Chris
>
> --


Nope... White or Black would be Blanc ou Noir... the way it stands, it really
means "White of Black".

Yes, and there are indeed many people on the planet who still believe that a
french name implies good stuff... look at all the Canadian wines with French
names...

*j*  :)

--
WE SAIL TONIGHT FOR SINGAPORE - WE'RE ALL AS MAD AS HATTERS HERE!!

*******************Jack_Webb@mindlink.bc.ca***********************
****VANCOUVER, BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA...HOME OF THE NEUROTIC****
From: kdq@quest.UUCP (Kevin D. Quitt)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: The Hunting Song (Tom Lehrer)
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 93 18:31:08 PST
Reply-To: srhqla!quest!kdq
Organization: Job quest  (805) 251-8210,  So Cal: (800) 400-8210

cwa@oasis.icl.co.uk (Chris Adams) writes:

> Along the trail you find me lopein'
> Where the spaces are wide open,
> In the land of the ol' AEC. YAHOO!
> Where the scenery's attractive,
> And the air is radio active,
> Oh the wild west is where I wanna be.
> 
> With the ???? and the cactus,
           sagebrush
> I'll watch the fellas practice,
> Dropping bombs through the clean desert breeze. YAHOO!
> I'll have on my sombriero,
<< something goes here.  I don't remember what>
> And of course I'll have a pair of Levis,
> over my lead beve jees(sp?)
               lined BVDs.
> 
> I will leave the city's crush,
> Leave the fancy and the plush,
> Leave the snow, and leave the slush,
> And the crowds.
> I will see the desert's hush,
> Where the scenery is lush,
> How I long to see the mush-
> Room clouds.
> 
> With the yukkas and the thistles,
           yuccas
> I'll watch the guided missles,
> While the ol' FBI watches me. YAHOO!
> I'll soon make my appearance,
> Soon as I can get my clearance,
> 'Cause the wild west is where I wanna be!

 _
Kevin D. Quitt      96.37% of all statistics are made up.     srhqla!quest!kdq
From: avik@icase.edu (Avik Banerjee)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: poem about cows and a fence??
Date: 11 Jan 1993 18:15:09 GMT
Organization: ICASE/NASA Langley
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: sunfish.icase.edu

greetings,

a while ago someone posted a poem about cows admiring
the landscape. the last lines went something like

	damn the electric fence
	damn the electric fence.

if anyone has this poem could they post it? 
thanks and foomshanka



avik@icase.icase.edu
From: skip@rosalyn.stat.uga.edu (Skip Gundlach)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: READ MY LIPS (PART 2)
Date: 7 Jan 93 14:26:43 GMT
Organization: UGA Statistics Department

In article <1993Jan6.190954.1@gallua.gallaudet.edu> sarust@gallua.gallaudet.edu (Scott A. Rust) writes:
>In article <19308@mindlink.bc.ca>, Robyn_Clark@mindlink.bc.ca (Robyn Clark) writes:
>
>>         I'd also like to thank those of you who made me aware of the group
>> rec.humor.funny... I have now started reading that group and it is a real
>> pleasure to know that the next item appearing on my screen will NOT be some
>> shit that doesn't belong there.
>> 
>> 
>>         News Item:  Dateline Vancouver, BC  July 2, 1992.  The first
>> confirmed case of aids in a whale has been documented locally.  It appears
>> the whale was possibly rear-ended by a BC Ferry.
>> 
>> 
>-- 
>
>	If this is Robyn's type of humor I can see she will be right at home in
>rec.humor.funny
>
>		Good riddance!
>
C'mon, Scott, give the newbie a break!  Just cuz she/he (an assertion
in earlier commentary to the original post) didn't know about the
moderated group is no reason to turn on the flamethrower.  Where's
your compassion (OBJ)?

As to her type of humor, to my  taste, it beats yours - or was your
post the joke?

>_______
>
>		Scott A. Rust | "A stupid person can do anything
>	 Gallaudet University |           except think."
>  sarust@gallua.gallaudet.edu |                   Bob Dobbs, Jr.
>
>		   "Why? Why because I laugh."
>                                    - Sherwood Anderson -


-- 
Skip Gundlach .nosig (Sorry, that's the best I could do on short
notice, and I'm not even an electrician...) 
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: pyotr@halcyon.com (Peter D. Hampe)
Subject: Towns Renamed, was Re: Seriously, a joke.
Organization: Northwest Nexus Inc. (206) 455-3505
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 16:33:29 GMT

trifid@agora.rain.com (Roadster Racewerks) writes:

>(People who object to such things so strongly remind me of the jerks who are
>re-naming a whole batch of American pioneer towns from things like "Poverty
>Flats" to "Mira del Mar" (200 miles from the sea) because it doesn't sound
>"nice" for the new developments they're pushing... The hell with history if
>it doesn't all happen to be "nice", and Politically Correct"!  )-:<

>What kind of people are we if we can't look our history in the eye, so to
>speak, and take from it what we need and chuckle at the rest?

>Suze

why right here in beautiful Oregon (where I no longer live due
to assordid reasons) there were serious proposals to rename
Whorehouse Meadows to Naughty Girl Meadows, and Bullshit Creek
to something sissyfied.

Of course Millersville (just N of Albany) _used_ to be 
Murder Creek until Immense Chemical Co with Defense Contracts
got a variance in the 60's.

Not to forget Sucker Lake.

chus
pyotr

-- 
Pyotr aka Peter D. Hampe : eka pyotr@halcyon.com
Next Month's Panel: Us and Them - Eliminating Them.
EOF
-- 
Pyotr aka Peter D. Hampe : eka pyotr@halcyon.com
Next Month's Panel: Us and Them - Eliminating Them.
EOF
From: koszelak@ucrmath.ucr.edu (stan koszelak)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Odyssey- not quite a Far Side
Summary: funny, one-frame cartoons
Date: 7 Jan 93 00:12:53 GMT
Organization: University of California, Riverside

My favorite Far Side-clone cartoons are a couple of "Odyssey"'s
by L. Taha.

The first one shows a couple of angry Neanderthal parents in their
cave with a sullen, bowed-head child Neanderthal between them,
your typical cave paintings of arrows and antelopes in the background
and a wash bucket and sponge on the floor. The mother Neanderthal
is saying, "I've tried to wash it off, but it's no use.  That stuff
won't come off in a million years."

-ha ha ha.  Maybe I relate to that one because I caught my then-toddler
daughter drawing on my wife's car with a rock.

Another one I like shows two mean-looking detectives at the Tokyo
Police Department.  They're obviously interrogating a foot-high
lizard-like creature sitting on a chair.  The lizard thing is saying,
"Look fellas, you've got the wrong guy!  He was a lot taller than me,
maybe 150-200 feet."

-ha ha ha.  Maybe I spent too much time in Japan.

-Stan
 KOSZELAK@UCRMATH.UCR.EDU
From: sarust@gallua.gallaudet.edu (Scott A. Rust)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: READ MY LIPS (PART 2)
Summary: Robyn + Maddi -- What a couple.
Date: 7 Jan 93 00:09:54 GMT
Organization: Gallaudet University English Department

In article <19308@mindlink.bc.ca>, Robyn_Clark@mindlink.bc.ca (Robyn Clark) writes:

>         I'd also like to thank those of you who made me aware of the group
> rec.humor.funny... I have now started reading that group and it is a real
> pleasure to know that the next item appearing on my screen will NOT be some
> shit that doesn't belong there.
> 
> 
>         News Item:  Dateline Vancouver, BC  July 2, 1992.  The first
> confirmed case of aids in a whale has been documented locally.  It appears
> the whale was possibly rear-ended by a BC Ferry.
> 
> 
-- 

	If this is Robyn's type of humor I can see she will be right at home in
rec.humor.funny

		Good riddance!

_______

		Scott A. Rust | "A stupid person can do anything
	 Gallaudet University |           except think."
  sarust@gallua.gallaudet.edu |                   Bob Dobbs, Jr.

		   "Why? Why because I laugh."
                                    - Sherwood Anderson -
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rdippold@cancun.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold)
Subject: Re: Joke
Organization: Qualcomm, Inc., San Diego, CA
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 06:28:02 GMT

davidk@welch.jhu.edu (David Kitaguchi) writes:
>What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
>A bingo machine!

What has a thousand balls and fucks bunnies?
A shotgun.
-- 
You will pay for your sins.  If you have already paid, please disregard.
From: x92paszek@gw.wmich.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: <None>
Date: 12 Jan 93 14:24:35 EST
Organization: Western Michigan University




Q:  	Why are there no more Halloween parties in Kalamazoo, Michigan?

A:	The mayor forbid them.  (Last year his daughter dressed up as a car
battery and the men were "charging her up all night".)


M.M.M.P.


(IT's not funny, just a placeholder)


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ns14@crux2.crux2.cit.cornell.edu (Nathan Otto Siemers)
Subject: Re: California Native
Organization: Department of Chemistry, Cornell Univ.
Date: 6 Jan 93 05:03:57

>>>>> On Tue,  5 Jan 93 22:06:48 PST, amigan@cup.portal.com (Mike - Medwid) said:

 Mike> The miners came in '49 The whores in '51 And right there on the
 Mike> bar-room floor Produced the Native Son


 Mike> (In CA you see a lot of self-rightous bumper stickers like "Welcome to
 Mike> California - Now Go Home".)


	Much more appropriate in Oregon.  :)
--
--
/  | / /__|  /  /---/ /__| /  | /    nathan@chemres.tn.cornell.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: garrett@Ingres.COM (WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, READ THE INSTRUCTIONS)
Subject: Re: California is NOT representative of the US as a whole
Summary: Not just LA  
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1  
Keywords: language
Organization: ASK Computer Systems, Ingres Product Division
Date: 6 Jan 93 03:05:09 GMT

In article <2JAN199315271515@elroy.uh.edu>, st1ns@elroy.uh.edu (Ault, Russell W.)                       writes...
>In article <i3558.725901920@newsie>, i3558@newsie.dc.dk (Soren Michael Roug) writes...
>Only a Californian would call California a part of the civilised world.  The 
>rest of us know that not everything "edible" is palatable, and that inventing 
>a new (and illogical) usage for an existing word or phrase (or an equally 
>illogical construction for an existing usage) is neither a profitable activity
>nor one which is likely to increase the degree to which one is making himself
>understood.  I dread the prospect of having to visit California.  For all 
>their slurred and slang-infested modes of speech, I prefer talking to someone

[rant,rant,rant]

>Sadly, I doubt that I will be able to pass as a Californian myself at any
>time in the near future.  I refuse to wear clothes that do not fit properly,
>I don't wear footwear that is designed to be used without socks, I loathe
>beaches, I keep my skin untanned and my hair unbleached, and my voice is 
>at least two octaves too low.  
> 
The above is obviously written by someone who has never been to California.
You see, LA and California are not the same thing. There are places in 
California that are just as backwards and isolated as any place in the
deep south. There are places in California were the snow never melts.
The list goes on. 
	Northern Californians hate southern California (LA in particular).
That's why most northern Californians want to split the state.

>  My wife went to Harvard and all I got was this lousy .sig!
>      Russ Ault, aka st1ns@jetson.uh.edu  
>
From: amigan@cup.portal.com (Mike - Medwid)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: California Native
Date: Tue,  5 Jan 93 22:06:48 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
Distribution: world

The miners came in '49
The whores in '51
And right there on the bar-room floor
Produced the Native Son


(In CA you see a lot of self-rightous bumper stickers like "Welcome to
California - Now Go Home".)