From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Weaver)
Subject: Re: love  or gibberish?
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 92 18:05:26 GMT

In article <1992Jul24.054452.18502@newsroom.utas.edu.au> u924185@postoffice.utas.edu.au writes:
>Hi all,
>
>This is my first posting to this news group, so I'm a little shy ;-)
>
>Why does falling love with someone transform one into a gibbering,
>half brain death, yet emotionally energised individual?
>
>There is a young, female on campus who just fries my brain when
>I see her, but I am just terrified to walk up to her and say Hi!
>
>I think she is just perfect, but this makes me all the more insecure
>about myself.
>
>Anyone got any useful advice, please email.
>
Well, this sounds like a reasonable topic, so I am posting a followup.

You pretty much answered your rhetorical question -- you turn into
'a gibbering, half brain death' individual because you are emotionally
energized, think she is just perfect, and are insecure.

In the long run, you need to make yourself more secure. In the short run,
remember that being nervous is a perfectly natural thing, and that you
don't have to pretend that you aren't nervous. As long as you are clearly
trying to pleasant and sociable, being nervous is generally flattering
to the other person, and so attractive. People like the idea that others
are attracted to them, as long as there are no strings attached. 

Also, remember, you are bound to make a better impression if you are
trying to get to know this female than if you are hanging back trying
to be cool, so don't worry too much about making a bad impression.

One technique to deal with a problem like this is visualization. The
idea is that you 'practice' for a stressful situation by imagining what
it will be like. One way of doing this is to imagine the situation
going successfully (but realistically, this is not a time to daydream),
which should make you a little more confident. Another is to imagine
the worst things that could (realistically!!!) go wrong, which will
allow you to anticipate pitfalls and also should convince you that the
worst that is likely to happen is not as bad as you had imagined.

A second technique is to break down the problem. You may be intimidated
because you feel you must sweep her off her feet on your first
meeting.  Set a low goal, like getting her name from her, and
concentrate on that rather than thinking about everything up to where
you will send the kids on vacation. By thinking about only the next
step, it will seem easier, and it will be more obvious what to do.

A third technique is the indirect approach. Introducing yourself to
someone out of the blue can be daunting, so when possible, you want to
arrange to meet informally. This would be going to the same party,
class, or whatever. Get involved in some sort of group discussion which
she is involved in. Don't try to make a great impression right then,
the idea is to make yourself more familiar. Then, next time you see
her, you can say 'didn't I see you at X?', and introducing yourself
will be easier.

Good Luck, 
Michael.

-----
If I wasn't shy,
If I wasn't shy,
I'd ask you if you don't mind,
to kiss you a hundred times,
If I wasn't shy. (TMBG)