From: crystal@glia.biostr.washington.edu (crystal)
Subject: Re:Sorry about that (I'll figure out how to post yet! *grin*)
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 20:39:04 GMT

 
Thanks Joni, for sending this back to me!  Let's see if my idea for uploading
it where it belongs works!  ;>
i 
 
>In article <crystal.703126214@glia> crystal@glia.biostr.washington.edu (crystal) writes:
>>I am one of those who used "self will" in my recovery.
>>I did NOT use professional help.
>>I can't stand the 12-step religions.
 
>A 12 step program is not a religion and if you had any experience in one
>you would know that. SO don't condem anything that you don't know about!!
>>I read books, I looked to my subconscious, I became aware of the patterns
>>around me and in my life.
 
>>Within ONE year, I came from suicide attempt to discovery of my sexual abuse
>>core memory to the feelings of normalcy I have now. My life is improving on
>>a daily basis, some things ACTUALLY FIXING THEMSELVES without my help.
>> 
>>Yes, if you BELIEVE you can do it on your own, You CAN do it on your own!
>>(Don't listen to those folks who call you nuts for trying your own self-will.
>>If you want something bad enough, you will acheive it)
>> 
>>We are not given a wish without the means to make it come true - Richard Bach.
>>  
>>Books that I used:
>>Your Erroneous Zones - Wayne Dyer
>>Way of the Peaceful Warrior - Dan Millman
>>Illusions - Richard Bach
>>Bridge Across Forever - Richard Bach
>>One - Richard Bach
>>Keeping the Love you Find - Harville Hendrix
>>  
>>I used them in that order.  You self-willed people might want to give it a try.
>>I'm re-reading Peaceful Warrior now and I'm spooked about how everything
>>stated has come true in my life where before they were merely Understandings,
>>they are now "realizations".
>>  
>>Forgive the messyness of this post.  If it doesn't work, I won't have wasted
>>time tidying.  If it does work,  Oh...well...cest la vie!  ;>
>>  
>>Cheers!
>>Crystal
>>  ;>
 
 
>Recovery from what? Sexual abuse is not recover from an addiction. 
>You know I read many of the books you have mentioned and tons of other self
>help books when I was still using. I thought that I could find my answers
>in those books but guess what I continued to use and use and use. Nothing
>helped me until I came to AA. Know with a clear mind  I can read these books
>again and maybe get somthing out of them. I too have found out in the last
>year that I was sexually abused as a child.  I feel for you having to go
>through it alone. I have a support group of people around me. Many who have
>gone through the same things that I have gone through. Before I  came to AA
>I thought that I could do everything by myself that only weak people ask for
>help. I now find that it is the opposite I am a stronger individual if I
>ask for help.  The only way that I can learn to my fullest ability is to
>ask people to show me how they did it.
 
 
I'm new to this posting stuff, our help file is the PITS for how to create
these messages.
 
But:
 
1) I have tried 12-step programs in the past. Couldn't get past step 2. I'm
   an atheist, and there's just too much God-talk that I can't agree with.
   "Letting go and letting God" is bizarre concept to me. Letting go and letting
   ME makes sense.  Hence I see 12-step as religious.
 
2) I'm an ACOA of double alcoholic natural parents as well as an alcoholic
   step-father.  Compulsive overeater, sex addiction, co-dependent in the
   worst way. Sexually abused by my mother's jealousy of the time my father
   spent with me and she convinced me that having tits was bad. I nearly
   mutilated myself at puberty.  Fortunately I feared pain more... *whew*
   Jan 23-Feb 23, 1992 was my core issue coming up - the memory of that
   mutilation attempt. Suddenly I feel at peace, co-dependence is gone (I
   have a couple of friends that it REALLY manifested itself with! Now peace)
   Many of my weird problems are repairing themselves.
 
3) I did not do it alone. I simply had no PROFESSIONAL help. I had a friend
   in Arkansas whom my X-SO introduced me to in May (after my suicide attempt)
   and we became close friends almost imediately.  In August, a fellow in
   Texas popped into my life and we became fast friends. He tends to trigger
   my issues and listens patiently as I work them out in E-mail or online TALK.
   My Ark friend shared insights with me from a similar relationship problem
   he had and how he pulled himsel out of it.  I owe a lot to him for saving
   my life and pulling me out of the pit. I owe a lot to my Texan for being
   patient during my freakouts, especially during my "core dump"  ;> when I
   had a weird halucination.  I have a friend who is a psychiatrist specializing
   in sexual abuse, but I used her sparingly.  Bounced an idea off her to see
   if I was on the right track. And saw her immediately when my hallucination
   hit.  I wasn't crazy, it was just intense, and she didn't tell me anything.
   I told HER how I interpreted the vision and she was just there to listen,
   nod and say, That's great! Now you can heal.  (It may have been a bit
   intense, but at no time was I frightened by what occured - more curious
   than anything.)  Yes, I am a very strong person, now... ;>
 
4)  Renee: I tried to reply, but mail bounced.  I was not badgering anyone
    to use my method. Just sharing what worked for me and giving folks some
    ideas on how to go about doing it alone with self-will should other methods
    not work for them.  If someone wishes to feel badgered, then that is their
    perception and their choice of emotions. 
 
5) Not everyone can use the 12-step method. I can't. That doesn't mean it
   doesn't work. It does work for millions.  It's just not for me. When I
   hear people say "I've been in this group for 6 years and it works!" I have
   to wonder how many more years will they be there before they can stop the
   group (a compulsion in itself).  I did it in one. NO I AM NOT STOPPING MY
   RECOVERY - it is an ongoing process.  But I am happy, healthier, more
   pleasant to have around, and I intend to keep my personal awareness of my
   subconscious and what it is telling me "on-line" at all times.  It was the
   only way I could hit my core - just being aware of patterns and what I was
   unconsciously trying to tell myself. 
 
6) Thank you all, for the mail...Good luck in your methods, and KNOW that if
   you TRULY believe you can do it...you CAN!  ;>
  
Cheers!
Crystal
  ;>
>Joni
 


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