From: mary@Cayman.COM (Mary Malmros)
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
Subject: RE: The Christian MA
Date: 13 Aug 92 16:48:21 GMT
Distribution: rec
Organization: Cayman Systems Inc., Cambridge, MA


There IS MA content in this, I promise.

I found Stephen's post disturbing, for several different reasons.
Let me first deal with the one that has the most connection to
martial arts, at least for me personally.  

It's about the whole "race" metaphor.  Stephen's post seems 
obsessed with races, prizes, and coming in first.  It's not
a matter of running a good race, or a good-enough race: the 
only race that is good enough is the one that you WIN, the
one where you come in first.

I wonder if that extends to, oh let's say, cutting people off on the 
freeway, or kicking old ladies down the stairs if they walk too slow 
to suit you, or backshooting someone at work in order to advance your 
career?

Well, personal confession time.  The belief that "only one receives 
the prize", and my attempts to be that one, have been responsible 
for a large chunk of the unhappiness in my life.  I just can't go 
along with it any more.  Sometimes the last is first and the first 
is last, and now I know that.  Perfectionism teaches us to demean
ourselves and others.  

Let me clarify what I mean by "perfectionism".  I'm thinking back to
my first month at the dojang and my first encounters with the 
side kick.  Horrible, nasty, difficult kick.  And I couldn't get it 
(or so I thought).  I struggled and struggled and got very frustrated, 
and as I was leaving, the instructor who'd been teaching me said, 
"You know what your problem is?  You're a perfectionist."

I was floored.  Wasn't perfection the idea?  Finally I said, "I 
thought that was a good thing."

"Well, yes and no," he said.  "Perfection's an ideal.  You're a human
being, and you'll never be perfect.  You've been doing this kick for
a week now.  It's a difficult kick, and it takes a lot of practice
to be able to do it well, and it never gets absolutely perfect.  You
need to accept that, and concentrate on doing better than you are now,
not on being perfect.  A perfectionist is someone who can't accept
anything less than the ideal.  They get discouraged and give 
up when they can't be perfect, and so they never reach their full
potential.  It's the ones who know they'll never be perfect who 
actually accomplish the most, because they concentrate on doing what
they can do."

Heh.  Well, I didn't mean to turn this into a "How MA Changed My Life"
story, but it really did.  I blame part of it on cultural indoctrination.
We like perfection.  We like winners.  We like whoever comes in first.  
When Olympic athletes win mere silver or bronze medals, we ask them 
if they're disappointed.  

  >>Did anyone see the photo of the distance runner from USA who placed
  >>5th, sitting alone on the track, one shoe off, in anguish, she had
  >>run, but had failed to reach the prize.

I guess Stephen considers her a failure.  I expect she probably considers
herself a failure.  THAT is what's wrong with tournaments and sports
of all kinds.  They promote this idea that there's only one winner, 
there's only one "best".  And if you're not the best, then you're a 
failure.  And the sad part is, that runner may indeed be a failure...
but not because she lost that race.  She may have thrown so much of 
her life into trying to win that one single stupid Olympic race that 
she's got no friends, no family, no career, no education, nothing of 
lasting value, NOTHING except the hope of that medal.  And now she 
doesn't have that.  What a waste.  What a wasteful way of thinking.
What a wasteful way of LIVING.  

And the same is true of moral righteousness.  There isn't always a 
"right" thing to do, no matter what anyone's holy book tells you.
Let's use stealing as an example.  My take on it is that stealing, 
in general, is wrong.  But what if you have to steal to feed your
child?  Is it still wrong then?  My personal opinion: yes, it is...
but it's the best you can come up with.  Yes, you have stolen; yes, 
you have deprived someone else; yes, you have done wrong.  But the 
alternative was worse.  So you make your choice and you accept 
responsibility for it.  You shed forever your illusions of moral 
perfection.  You can't pretend any more that you're perfect -- you
just got down in the dirt with the rest of humanity.  But you did 
the best you could, and that's worth something.

Now to address the rest of the post:

  >>When you run do you picture your goal or do you just run?
  >>When you do kata, do you picture the imaginary attackers, or do you
  >>just go through the motions?

Why does there ALWAYS have to be a GOAL to everything?  Can't the 
doing be the goal?  I mean, yeah, I picture the imaginary attackers, 
but that isn't the only thing that inspires the form.  If that were
true, very little of it would come from the heart.  

  >>Whether you study Tae Kwon Do, Aikido, or Kung Fu, do you know you
  >>are preparing for combat?  

No.  I don't.  Because I'm not.  Forget that.  "Preparing for combat" 
implies that I'm gonna go out and DO it, that I accept it as inevitable.
I accept that I may have to fight some day, but I don't accept that
it's inevitable.  To do so is to slough my own responsibility to 
avoid conflict.

  >>You know it wouldn't be so bad to be sitting the door of a christian
  >>music outreach and have to deal with two athiest, homosexuals (their
  >>labels not mine) who could durn near recite the dead sea scrolls
  >>backwards, 

It is annoying when you quote at people and find they can out-quote you, 
isn't it?

  >>What am I driving at?  What Rec.Martial-Arts thread am I addressing?
  >>The question comes up, what about gays in the dojang and we fall all
  >>over ourselves either demeaning them or striving to be ever so politically
  >>correct (though we won't admit to either I'm sure).  

Who put you inside everybody on rec.martial-arts' heads?  Who gave you 
insight as to everybody's motivation?  

This business of whining, "Oh, you're just being politically correct!" 
is usually a very effective right-wing stifling technique, but it 
doesn't seem to be working well here.

  >>I don't have anything against a person who is a homosexual, any more than
  >>I have anything against a person who is a neo-nazi or a person who deals
  >>drugs, the people are just fine with me, but I am very concerned about
  >>the behavior.

Heh.  My sister, who is a nun, mentioned this to me once in a discussion
about this and that.  "Homosexuality isn't a sin but homosexual behavior 
is."  

So I asked my brother what that meant.  He said, "I don't know, what does 
it mean?  Homosexual behavior, what is that?  Having sex with a 
member of the same sex?  How about holding hands?  How about kissing?
Or how about going to the movies, does that count?  Or what about if 
you just look at a member of the same sex [presumably with lust in
your heart ;-) ], is that homosexual behavior?  What about going to
a gay bar?  What if *I* go to a gay bar?  I'm not gay, but if I go
to a gay bar, is that homosexual behavior?"

Heh.  He got me laughing, and thinking too.  Homosexual behavior, what
is that anyway?  If a gay person gets up in the morning and goes to work,
is that homosexual behavior?  It's the behavior of a homosexual.  If a gay
person helps someone across the street, or gives directions to someone 
who's lost, or sends flowers to their mother on Mother's Day, or gives
you first aid and saves your life, is that homosexual behavior?

Come on, Stephen, admit it: you know nothing about the "homosexual 
behavior" that you condemn.  

  >>Before you jump to your keyboard to royally flame me, and rise to
  >>the defense of homosexuality, think carefully about the side you
  >>are choosing.  

Oh, it's all gotta be sides, huh?  One side or the other...the 
whole planet divided up between the Righteous and the Queers.  
Because you said so.

  >>  "Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the
  >>  kingdom of God?  do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor
  >>  idolators, nor adulterers, nor effminate, nor homosexuals"

Effeminate?  Again, what is THAT???  A man who wears a skirt?  Someone
better tell those dudes at the Celtic Games.  A man who has long hair?  
Someone better tell Steven Seagall.  A man who doesn't drink Bud Lite 
and go to the truck pulls?  

You buncha fairies better watch out.  You're ALL gonna burn.  

  >>My point is this.  The two men who came to Street Cry were pretty
  >>powerful.  If you are discerning, you can feel the bonds being
  >>loosened.  I just found out Soon the faithful will be taken
  >>from you and there will be no restraint at all.  It will be 100%
  >>permissable to have homosexuals in the dojang an neo nazis in the
  >>parks.  Soon after this though, it is going to get a bit rough.
  >>Stephen King's writings will seem like a bedtime story.

This sounds like a threat, Stephen.  Who are you threatening?

  >>What is to come is inevitable, but as lawlessness increases we
  >>accelerate the pace of events *** my opinion ***.

Ain't against the law here in Massachusetts ;-)

  >>SUMMATION (finally):
  >>It should not be hard to realize that "traditional" values are fading
  >>fast.  Family values are being tossed around by both political parties
  >>and in such a way that it is a mockery.  

Well, I'll go along with that last sentence.  If you realize it's a 
mockery, however, you should also have a clue about why.  It's because
"traditional values" and "family values" are different things, depending
on what your tradition is or what your family is.  Even if we try to
restrict ourselves to traditional European-American values, we've still 
got a problem.  A lot of the stuff in your post wouldn't go down so well
with someone who had traditional Quaker values, for example, and the way
you live your life wouldn't be considered acceptable by Shaker standards.  


I read Lauren's response to your post.  I think you should read that
response most carefully.  She's right, you know.  You don't know who's
gay and who isn't.  It could be your sabumnim, your best friend, your
boss.  It could be anyone.  ANYONE.

Answer me one question: if your son Hunter comes to you in ten years' 
time and says, "Dad, I'm gay", what will you do?
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Mary Malmros     | Cayman Systems Inc, 26 Landsdowne St, Cambridge, MA 02139
 mary@cayman.com  | Phone 617-494-1999  Fax 617-494-5167  AppleLink CAYMAN.TECH