From: jcbarnes@vela.acs.oakland.edu ( Sod Lord)
Newsgroups: alt.prose
Subject: Re: In the Style Of (1992-03-31)
Summary: A little late, but then...
Date: 7 Apr 92 14:14:48 GMT
Followup-To: alt.prose.d
Distribution: world
Organization: FryTools International


               "A Day at the Beach"


Many People have said, "Better late than never..."
                                              ...I concur!


     Okay listners, today we will learn how-to have fun at the
Beach.  It's really a pretty simple process, that anyone with hours
of spare time can perfect.  Even you, yes you can accomplish the
rare feat of having fun at the beach by faithfully following the
instructions below.

     Step 1: Sleep in.  Hmmm, you may never have thought of this
before but you are going to be having a much nicer time at the
beach if you sleep in.  WHAT?!?  You have a hard time sleeping in?
Well, you had better learn how, because it is important to sleep in
before going to the beach... You want to have your full energy so
that you don't get tired when your lounging on the beach.  Even
more importantly though you don't want to get to the beach until
midafternoon because the soon won't be strong enough until then,
and besides guys... how do you think those bodacious girls got so
pretty?  By sleeping in... those girls you come to the beach to see
won't be out yet... what's the use of coming early then... and Gals
you wouldn't want to go early because there won't be any totally
tubular Hunks to show-off in front of...
     Okay so I've convinced you that you need to sleep in... but
you're still not sure on how to accomplish this, you have been
accustomed to getting up at 5:30 for work (BTW, the best day to go
to the beach is any (or even better) every day you are supposed to
work) and you don't know how to sleep another seven hours or so...
Well, this step is quite easy.  Just go out the night before... yes
visit all the bars... it's not hard.  Oooops, your wife doesn't
like it when you visit the bars?  Hmmmm, then include her in your
activities... theirs plenty of things you can do, just pick one or
more of the following:  1) Have a candlelight dinner in the most
elequent and peaceful Saddam Hotel (rooms cost only $244 dollars a
night)... oops did I give you the impression that you were getting
a room, NO, have your dinner in the elevator... It'll cost about
4.75 -- $4 for two deli sandwiches & pop, and .75 for the candels.
2) Go Turkey bowling at Meijers... I've never met a Meijers worker
who complained about his life being livened up by my hijinks... Or
go for a nice peaceful walk in the nearby Highschool football
field... just be careful the police like to arrest you because they
think you might be a vandal... and you wouldn't hurt a fly would
you?

     Step 2: Now that you've gotten yourself totally prepared,
drive out to the beach... make sure you arrive their in a 300,000
dollar plus red convertible, otherwise no-one will take you
seriously, (besides they wouldn't be able to kick dirt into your
car... or drive off if you leave your keys out... now you wouldn't
want to upset their feelings)  Now just lounge on the beach...  And
remember to set a timer, you want to flip yourself every half hour
until you are a refreshing red, and light up the area.  Oh, and
make sure you sit next to a big family with many little kids, your
excursion to the beach just wouldn't be the same if you didn't get
sand kicked in your face!

     Step 3: As the sun is finally setting, in a gorgeous display,
and you can't really enjoy it because all you think about is how
much your back burns... I hope you have appreciated your day at the
beach to the fullest.


Style:  Magazine "How-to" -- appearing in Business Weekly :)

                    Ramblings from Fryland
                        Terson -- Sod Lord
Newsgroups: alt.prose