From: garnett@news.Colorado.EDU (Santiago de la Paz)
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
Subject: DoD marital aid announcement
Date: 6 Apr 92 21:16:30 GMT
Article-I.D.: colorado.1992Apr6.211630.26856
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder

twang@cunixf.cc.columbia.edu (Tony Wang) writes:
|> First things first. ATTENTION: The DoD Polo Shirt Project is NOT an April
|> Fool's joke. It's for real. Now that that's over with, on with the post.

Okay, that's the last straw.

You know, it wasn't that long ago that many of us sat around breakfast at a 
funky little bbq place in Longmont talking about how cool FJ's were, 
complaining about the red glare from Blaine's aerostitch, and commenting on
how ridiculous the commercialization of the DoD was getting to be.  Of course
the only things that really existed at the time were the original patches and
Alex & Katy were strutting around with their beta-version pins that kept
falling to pieces, but it seemed hilarious nonetheless that there actually
were mass-produced things carrying a geeky ascii logo on them, and that we
were a part of it.

Obviously, we didn't know the extent of the addiction.  When the license
plate frames came out I was surprised, but then everyone had goggled over
Buck's frame that day, so it was bound to happen.  When the t-shirts appeared
I hacked up a fur ball in surprise, and when the zippos came around this
last time I thought to myself "I'm really going to say something this time."
But no, I held on-- until this.  A polo shirt.  Yeah.  Right-O.  As the
judge said in Caddyshack: "Don't you people have HOMES?!"

To nip this in the bud, so to speak, I have compiled a small list of objects
which are bound to have mass appeal and which, with a little effort, can
easily be embossed, embroidered, or dyed with any number of the various
DoD icons, logos, mottos, or blood oaths.   All you have to do is decide
which ones you want, elect some poor fool to create them all, and then
open a chain of Krispy Kreme & DoD Doughnut Delicatessans that will sell
the stuff.  For your edification, I humbly submit:

                       THE DoD PRODUCT LIST (planned)
                       
    - DoD fuzzy dice, for reminding you that you shouldn't be in that cage
    - Those green pine-tree air fresheners with "DoD" on them
    - DoD toilet paper
    - DoD pipe-cleaners and tobacco
    - DoD llama covers
    - "PROPERTY OF THE DoD" t-shirts and frilly underwear
    - DoD beer
    - DoD tequila
    - DoD coffee
    - DoD golf shoes
    - DoD at-home perm kits
    - DoD hemorrhoid cures
    - The offical Tonight Show DoD Band
    - DoD condoms (specify normal, ribbed, or llama skin)
    - DoD gummy bears
    - An official DoD booth of your own at every trade show, replete with
      one USDA-approved booth-babe or stud (specify which)
    - DoD kleenex and after-dinner wipes (for airline travel)
    - DoD imitation-llama-skin wallets (actually letherette) with magnetic
      clasps
    - a copy of "Godzilla Meets the DoD" on VHS or Beta
    - "I (heart) The DoD" bumper stickers
    - "I (spade) The DoD" bumper stickers
    - Your own suite at the combination Jim Baker Revival-Land and DoD 
      Fun Park
    - DoD party favors
    - DoD polo shirts (whoops, already got this one)
    - DoD fake blood for those hilarious april-fools shannanigans
    - DoD Chinese Finger Locks
    - DoD corncob holders
    - DoD turkey-basters and other common household utensils
   
I could just go on and on, but the anticipation is making me giddy.  Knock
yourselves out!

:^) if needed...

~james

James Garnett                                   garnett@boulder.Colorado.EDU
UnixOps/Distributed Computing                       ...!ncar!boulder!garnett
University of Colorado at Boulder                            +1 303 492 0264
Organization: Senior, Civil Engineering, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA