From: banta@blagg.Eng.Sun.COM (242 lbs before cooking)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: An even more peeveful BDI driver peeve
Date: 27 Jul 1992 19:09:45 GMT
Organization: Sun, Moon, and Stars
NNTP-Posting-Host: blagg

(Susanne) writes:
>Fat women should not wear close fitting slacks. 

Right.

Fat women should wear mumus with with floral prints suitable for the
Hawaiian Punch characters.  Fat women should wear loose fitting
semi-shear blouses that clearly show the 8 guage wire in their
brassieres and polyester double-knit pants that look for all the world
like there's a watermelon shoved down the front.  Fat women should
wear 60's vintage flip-flops that have been pressed to wafer
thickness.  Fat women should wear deodorant.  Fat women should wear a
startlingly pink nail polish that looks as appropriate as a Boy George
costume at a Klan rally.  The nail polish on the toes should be
misapplied to the rolls of flesh that nearly bury the nails and should
be cracked where actually applied to the nails.  Fat women should wear
bright pink or purple blush so their cheeks are reminiscent of
brithday balloons.   Fat women should wear their hair pulled back in a
bun, with numerous strands pulled out of the bun and either frizzing
in the breeze or glued to the neck with sweat.  Fat women should wear
cheap plastic earrings depicting bright coloured flora or fauna.  Fat
women should wear tattoos on their shoulder.  When the globs of lard
on the shoulder aren't rolling or jiggling, you should be able to see
the tattoo says "Whole lotta Rosie," only with at least one misplaced
apostrophe.  Fat women should wear hip-hugger underwear whose panty
line give the appearance of half inch steel cable.  Fat women should
wear  t-shirts, braless, so their prominent, sweating nipples accent
the phrase "I can't believe I ate the whole thing" emblazoned on the
shirt.  Fat women should wear cheap, gaudy bracelets that only fit at
the bony junction of their arm and hand.  Fat women should wear bushy
eyebrows that divert the torrent of perspiration from their eyes to
their cheeks where it runs from chin to chin until it finally drips on
the cheap burger they wear in their hand.  Fat women should *always*
wear shorts that look like you'd need a crowbar to pry from their
crack.  Fat women should wear enough pubic hair that you could carpet
your apartment.  Fat women should wear a tag indicating which fold you
probe to find the navel.  Fat women should wear a band-aid on some
expanse of exposed flesh.


>Other women should not
>wear underwear under close-fitting clothes.

Other women whould wear loose knit sweaters.  Other woemn should wear
day-of-the-week bikini underwear.  Other women should wear t-shirts,
braless, with phrases such as "Things are looking UP!"  Other women
should wear snug, but not tight, jeans that clearly show jutting hips.
Other women should wear their shoulder-blade length hair loose.  Other
women should wear non-obtrusive lipstick and no other makeup.  Other
women should wear sandals with interesting socks.  But most of all,
other women should loose fitting teddys or camisoles that seem to flow
across their bodies.

drew
banta@abingdon.sun.com
--
I suppose that if I were a baseball fan I'd get equally peeved at
"RBIs," but the only stick-and-ball-type sport I watch much of is
women's beach volleyball with the sound turned off.
					-- Scott Fisher