From: tlode@nyx.cs.du.edu (trygve lode)
Subject: Re: Another requested recommendation for a center channel speaker
Keywords: none
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 92 00:46:35 GMT

 
in <1992Oct5.181311.586@sei.cmu.edu>
    jseiler@sei.cmu.edu (Joseph Seiler) writes:
 
] I need a 5th speaker (center) for the true home theater effect. My fronts are
] a pair of BOSE 4000's and my rears are a pair of BOSE 21's. Please offer as
] many options as possible.
 
As many options as possible?  Hmmmm...that sounds like a challenge--well,
I'll leave the most obvious and conventional ones to the rest of the net
and try to hit some of the less commonly tried options.
 
1)  Become a monk, forsaking materialism from now on.
2)  Forget the whole 'home theater' concept and simply move into a movie
    theater.  (It's spacious, comes complete with furniture, and rent
    can be as little as $1/day.)
3)  Lose the BOSE speakers and replace them with some real speakers--for
    home theater purposes, a trio of Magnepan MG20/R's would work nicely
    and a couple of SMG1A's would work fine for surround speakers (just
    be sure to mount them correctly--they should be placed against the
    side walls near the seating area, facing towards the front of the
    room instead of towards the listeners).  If you want a little more
    weight in the bass, you may wish to substitute a pair of IRS series V
    systems for the front speakers, putting one pair together in the
    middle to operate as a center channel speaker.
4)  Get an arsonist to burn down your house, making sure you have a
    'full replacement value' policy on the contents and use the
    insurance money to buy a THX system.
5)  Place parallel plates on the floor and ceiling and charge them to a
    few million volts until they start arcing; then modulate the arc
    current with the center channel signal level.
6)  Connect a large, carefully shielded magnet assembly and voicecoil
    directly to the picture tube of your TV; the picture tube is quite
    rigid and will work as an excellent low-frequency driver, at least
    until the foot comes down on the skull in the opening sequence of
    'Terminator II' at which point it will explode, adding considerably
    to the experience of the movie.  Replace TV and repeat.
7)  Move the TV and speakers at least 2/3rds of the room length away
    from the rear wall; have the room area behind the speakers and TV
    filled with concrete, except for an exponentially tapered hole
    coupled to a conventional woofer in the back.  This will provide you
    with a center speaker featuring excellent efficiency with a magnetic
    field sufficiently removed from your TV that you won't have to worry
    about magnetic interference.
8)  Hire the cast and director of each film you wish to watch to come to
    your house and perform it live; be sure to leave space in the budget
    for a team of cleaning people to come in afterwards to tidy up after
    the special effects team who can be a little messy sometimes.
9)  Go to heavy metal concerts and sit in the front row until your
    hearing is completely eliminated.  Then cover an empty cardboard box
    with shelf paper in whatever finish you desire, staple some grille
    cloth onto the 'front,' and stencil on your favorite brand name.
    Several companies such as "Acoustic Monitor" and "Linear Phase" are
    already using this design for products with list prices as high as
    $2000--but by following this simple technique, you can make speakers
    just as good for only a thousanth of their price.
10) Hire a trained signer to sit in front of your TV set and sign the
    dialog to you.
11) Kill yourself, leaving all your worldly possessions to your pet
    slug.
12) Invite the Swedish bikini sky-diving team over to your place for a
    Mazola party.  Be sure to put the slipcovers on the couch beforehand
    and, odds are, you won't even notice the lack of a center speaker.
13) Instead of buying a center channel speaker, buy an additional
    television and place one TV in front of each of your existing front
    speakers.
14) Buy a complete virtual reality system with binaural simulation
    capability.
15) Tell your friends that you've bought the latest and greatest BOSE
    speaker for your center channel--explain that they cost over $100,000
    each and are made entirely from closely woven gold threads; tell them
    that the weave is so fine that the speaker is actually invisible.
    Be sure to know your sleeve length before trying this and refuse to
    try on any jackets they get for you that have sleeves more than 10
    inches longer than your arms.
16) Strap all your speakers directly onto your head and sit so close to
    the TV screen that you leave noseprints on it every time you watch.
17) Have a magnet and voicecoil assembly surgically attached directly to
    your skull.
18) Stuff your ear canals with cheese balls and pate' until you can no
    longer associate direction with sound.
19) Using a VSR drill, bore a 1/4" hole through your skull into the
    region of the brain that processes sounds; insert the speaker cables
    that would normally go to your center channel speaker and move them
    around until you can hear the center channel sounmd clearly.
20) Attach a piece of fishing line to the center cap of the woofers on
    each of your front speakers; tie these lines together with a third
    line at a point midway between your listening position and the
    screen.  Attach the third line to the bottom of a Dixie cup and pull
    the cup towards you until all three lines are taut; this
    arrangement will cause in-phase signals (the ones normally sent to
    the center channel) to be reinforced and transmitted to the Dixie
    cup, just as they would be in a standard pro-logic configuration
    without the added expense of electronics and a speaker, and without
    the distortion normally involved in decoding the center channel
    electrically.
 
Anyway, that should be enough options to get you started--let me know
which ones work best for you.
 
Trygve   (Oh, don't try #11 first.)

Newsgroups: rec.audio