From: altheimm@nextnet.csus.edu (Murray Altheim)
Newsgroups: alt.pagan
Subject: Don't mention Ben & Jerry's in Vermont
Date: 6 Oct 92 01:44:00 GMT
Organization: California State University Sacramento

Holeemackerel you people gab alot!
I come back home and oilah! megaboots of electrunkle gabbagabba.
Spose I better catch up a little...  :-)
And holeesmokes I missed all'ya.

Two weeks in Burlington, Vermont, and the Adirondacks, chilly nights
snuggling under wool blankets, killer frosts and crisp red apples.

Two weeks of quiet, two weeks of thinking, deliberating, making some 
big life decisions that weren't, no, COULDN'T be made at home.

I asked the woman I love to marry me. I wish it was an easy path. She
moved from California back to the Adirondacks (where she is from) to
be nearer her parents, and to fight the custody battle over her daughter,
who is in the hands of her Born-Again Baptist Minister brother and his
self-righteous wife, who probably makes damned good chocolate chip cookies.
Somehow we'll resolve this. Somehow we'll end up together, WITH her 
daughter. It looks a little cloudy right now. 

And I decided to pursue my Master's and PhD in religious studies.
In this field, choosing a college is almost tantamount to choosing your
religious indoctrination. It will be a challenge to maintain my objectivity
and energy in the face of so many biases and agendas. Already in my
telephone calls I've encountered many of the forces that have constrained
and limited research in this area. I plan to concentrate on the Dead
Sea Scrolls and how they relate to the formation of modern Jewish and 
Christian thought. Chris Colvin sent a very nice e-mail message to me
while I was away, explaining a little of his background, and in effect,
challenging me to "disprove" Christianity. He says that that is how he
became a Christian himself. And I can appreciate his words.

It does remind me of my mother's attempts to bring me back into the 
Lutheran fold. She would like me to "rediscover" Christianity. 

Which brings me to why I'm pursuing this lifetime commitment of study.
I'm not trying to "disprove" Christianity, nor do I expect to "rediscover"
it in the same sense as my mother intended her remark. I don't even think
it has much to do with a "reaction" to my parents' desires, as was 
suggested by a Born-Again I sat next to on the plane. But there seems to
be an incredible need now to understand where this faith came from, and
what it really means. And I'm not talking apologetics.

My little internal fire has bin lit for a long time with a pursuit for
that elusive capital T truth which seems to slip from our grasp just as
our trembling little fingers close. I've gone through what many in this 
group seem to have also done: the time I've spent searching for meaning 
and understanding has circled inward on itself so many times that when
I close my eyes there is a turquoise spiral imprinted inside my eyelids.

And I've turned about in this long enough to see the path before me a 
little more clearly. It makes my eyes tear even typing it, the importance
it now takes in front of me. Which is not the approach one of my teachers
Chuang-Tzu would ever take. Bamboo to the back of the head. I can't help
my passion in life, can't help the magnet's pull nor the incredible 
beauty and despair I see all around me. My senses are alive even as I
feel my body dying day by day. How can I help but live? And take every
necessary risk for love and truth? Surely my trials have been small when
compared with others'. And I've been terribly cowardly in not starting 
sooner.

I'm one of those idealists who are pained by the incredible injustice 
being assailed upon the people, gladdened by the smile of a small child,
heartened by the efforts of those few who unselfishly work to improve
the lot of the many, and intrigued by the curious light of a rain puddle.

And I can see I'm not really getting a whole lot closer to explaining
adequately some of these reasons. I hesitate to continue, as I'm 
obviously in a particularly rapturous mood right now. Sigh.

And just where the hell else would anybody listen to my rantings? Yup,
I did miss you pipples. Good to be back. And Ciaran, I still owe you one.

Blessings to all,

Murray the Rapturous SoapBox Stander 

-- 
Murray M. Altheim      "Ils ont l'orteil de Bouc, & d'un Chevreil l'oreille,
Instructional Consultant    La corne d'un Chamois, & la face vermeille
CSU, Sacramento          Comme un rouge Croissant: & dancent toute nuict
altheimm@csus.edu       Dedans un carrefour, ou pres d'une eau qui bruict."
Newsgroups: alt.pagan