From: jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk (Jeremy Henderson)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Campus bar peeve
Date: 16 Nov 92 12:02:26 GMT
Organization: Edinburgh University

First, since various threats of legal action have been floating around,
let me make it perfectly clear that this posting is most definitely not
about the KB Union Bar, nope, certainly not, so sirree bob.

A little while ago a brewery was running a small competition wherein
purchasers of pints of ale were furnished with small cards bearing questions
on general knowledge, and little boxes to scratch off with a coin or fingernail
which reveal whether you answered correctly. Three correct answers earned
the competitor a free half pint of ale.

A quick evaluation of the probabilities involved revealed that even a monkey
should get the right combination every six tries, so since my friends and
I comprised a small cross section of the intellectual elite of the nation,
we figured that we would be drinking for free for some considerable time.
Six cards later we'd won ourselves a free half pint.

So, I bellied up to the bar and demanded three pints of the finest foaming
ale, which the bar-wench duly produced. "That'll be (3*1.20) three pounds
sixty" quoth the chubby-one. "Aha!" I cried, brandishing my coupon, "but
I only have to pay for 2 1/2 pints, so thats three pounds!!!". This
confounded the porcine-person, who responded "Errr, I'll have to ask the
boss". I won't provide a description of the bar manager here, because, as I
say, legal threats have been made, so anyone who wants to know more about
him can either visit the place for themselves, or send me e-mail.
"Ye cannae do that", says the witless fellow "you have to have an extra
half pint". "
"Says who?"
"Brewery rules"
"Show me them"
"No"
"Okay, then I'm not paying for these three pints"
"Suit yersel'"

So at this point I disappeared and temporised by having a piss.
I returned to the bar a few minutes later and demanded 2 1/2 pints of beer.
At this point the bar manager leapt into the air and shrieked "Yer no gettin'
served - yer buggerin' around with the bar staff!!" Trying to put this horrid
concept out of my mind, I returned to my seat, and one of my fellow imbibers
went to buy the beers. So quite what the fat moron had gained from his
cantankerous behaviour I'm not sure except that I'd avoided buying a round.
Sounds good to me!

Extra peeve on the same subject: A little while later there was a raffle in
the bar. The wonderful prize was a Runrig album, to be presented by none
other than the Runrig main man, Donny Munro himself. Many readers may not
be familiar with Runrig, so for their benefit I'll just mention that they
specialise in the kind of dreary evocation of the past glories of Scotland
that is so popular at the moment, leading the local populace to imagine that
they would be capable of self-government. A quick examination of the relevant
facts proves otherwise. Take the question of skirts. Now I can imagine that
in certain circumstances wearing a skirt would be a good idea - if you're a
girl is one that springs to mind. Otherwise, if you happen to live in Tahiti
and want to avoid your ass being stung by a honey bee then a skirt might fill
the bill. But in Scotland, where it's generally cold, with horizontal rain,
a skirt is most definitely inappropriate. Anyhow, Runrig produce noises of a
rather unpleasant type, with aforementioned Donny howling away in the manner
of a senile uncle moaning about his incontinence pants, while a number of
his stooges grind away in the background making a racket reminiscent of the
times you've accidentally filled your Cuisinart with small rodents. But the
peevingest thing of all was that the cover of the album was autographed, so
the luckless "winner" couldn't even take it back to swap it for something
halfway decent!

ObMikeHolmesBait: The guvmint deciding that the economy will perk right up
once home-owners get a bit more help with their mortgages.

ObItuary: I'm afraid that any pearls of wisdom emerging from Dalhousie will
now fall on deaf ears, for me at least, since that site has joined soton
in my kill file. A sad necessity in order to increase the signal-to-noise
ration in my news reading!



-- 
===Jeremy Henderson===jeremy@castle.ed.ac.uk=          

"I have to scan these posts in case Jeremy includes some line
out of context in his .sig" - FriendOfFernandoKhomeini.
Newsgroups: alt.peeves