From: bradl@neptune.informix.com (Brad Levy)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Date: 17 Nov 92 02:48:43 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Informix Software, Inc.

In article <1992Nov15.153551.13462@bnlux1.bnl.gov> schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov (gary l. schroeder) writes:
>In article <009639BA.741609A0@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>
>>I agree with everything John said, with one caveat:  I don't think it's a good
>>idea to be alone too long.  I know a awful lot of men and women who've done
>>such a fabulous job of adjusting to singlehood that they no longer date, simply
>>because it's too much trouble and they can't be bothered.  Literally.  I found
>>myself falling into the same trap;  so, I resolved to make more of an
>>effort to get out of the d*mn house!
>
>I like to make the effort too, but I start to wonder: what's the point
>of going out to the bars with friends all of the time ? (Not even good
>friends, mind you, but it's that "effort".)  You know you should go if
>they ask, otherwise you might not get asked anymore.  Too many refusals
>is usually a sign to people.  Theremust be some other way of getting
>"out of the house" other than going to bars where you just drink until
>you say "well, I've fulfilled my obligation to be socially active this
>Saturday night".  At least that way, you've killed the little voice in
>your head that says "hey, this is sad sitting alone watching the tube or
>listening to Shostakovich on a Saturday night".  Instead, you get the
>voice that says "you only went out for the sake of going out, and
>nothing happened anyway.  Everyone knows that you don't meet people in
>bars, stupid."  Which voice is worse?   I'm not sure.  The big problem
>is this: living in an area where there really is _nothing_else_ to do.
>If you're not drinking on the weekends, you're catching a movie.  That
>gets old after a while.  Does this mean I'm falling into the "trap"?  I
>know the trap that you're talking about, and it scares me to death.
>
>I never wanted to live on Long Island.  I was forced to.  I needed the
>job.  This whole issue of being single gets even more complicated when
>you're a transplant from another geographic area.  And, it's even worse
>than that if the new area you get moved to has a different culture than
>the one you were raised in.  One in which, if you don't drive a 4 wheel
>drive vehicle, are an unemployed weight-lifter named "Vinny" and have a
>speech impediment, means that you spend Saturday night watching tube or
>listening to Shostakovich.
>
>>Everyone's situation is different (I'm SO-less by choice!), but it might be
>>worth a minute or two of thought for those moaning that you haven't had a date
>>in years...maybe it's time to stop looking for Mr/Ms Right, and go to a movie
>>with Mr/Ms It's Saturday.
>
>Y'kmow, it's funny you should mention this attitude Cheryl, because I
>recently came to the same conclusion myself.  But then I wonder why I
>would spend time with someone I couldn't talk to.  If I _could_ talk to
>them, then they might be candidates for Ms Right, right?  No, I'm not
>going to catch a flick with Ms Saturday Night just to go.  There has to
>be another reason.  Otherwise, I sit there thinking "well, now that
>we've talked about what our favorite drinks are and where we work, we've
>exhausted the topics of conversation, because if I say anything more
>meaningful, the eyes will glaze over". 
>
>No flames please.  Thank you for your consideration.
> 
>
>-- 
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Gary L. Schroeder  		|  
>schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov         |        It's a pomaceous life. 
>Brookhaven National Laboratory  | 

Gary - This isn't meant as a flame, but there are other places besides bars
and movie theatres (and home in front of the TV) to spend Saturday nights.
Maybe you have fallen into the trap of thinking they don't exist.  Things
like contra dancing.  (Nice social atmosphere - usually no alcohol involved.)
Or lots of other cultural activities.  Doesn't have to be at Saturday night -
might be during the day, esp. if travel is needed.  Zoos, museums, lots of
activities.  Activities at which you are much more likely not to meet someone
whose eyes glaze over as soon as you say anything more meaningful than talking
about favorite drinks.   There are much more isolated places than where you
live.  (Try western South Dakota...)   

-brad
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles