From: judy@locus.com (Judy Leedom Tyrer)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Brazelton on toys (long)
Date: 16 Oct 92 23:38:37 GMT
Organization: Locus Computing Corporation, Los Angeles, California

In article <1bidk4INNdfu@mizar.usc.edu> biddleco@mizar.usc.edu (Susan Biddlecomb) writes:
>
>The problem is, all of her friends play with toy guns (especially the super
>soaker type). She doesn't understand why, when a friend goes to share a toy 
>gun with her we don't let her take it, and gets very upset. Most of the play
>takes place in our yard or the neighbors' yard, which borders ours without
>a fence (and their two pre-school aged kids have lots of toy guns), so we
>can't really ban those toys on "our turf" because the kids consider it all one
>big yard.
>
>Aside from trying to bring her in the house whenever the toy guns come out, 
>does anyone have another suggestion? We've talked to the kids and the parents
>of the other kids about the dangers of toy guns, but they don't think it's any
>big deal. They don't mind if we discourage their kids from playing with toy
>guns, but they still purchase them for their kids. We're dealing with not
>only the kids next door, but all the kids in the neighborhood (about 15 kids
>ranging from age 2 to age 10) -- our house is the neighborhood playground.
>
>
I can understand why you feel that you are on the breaking edge of correct
parenting for your children and are frustrated by the lack of apparent 
understanding of your neighbors, but lets look at the bigger picture.  Today
it is toy guns and you consider yourself in the right.  Tomorrow it will be
Nutrasweet and your neighbors will consider you in the wrong.

The issue is never "this toy" or "that toy" but when you see the world 
differently than your neihbors or parents of your friends and your children
don't understand.  You are having to make a decision now on whether you will
stand your ground on things you feel are important regardless of whether you
are the only person on the planet who feels this way or not.  Or are you going
to allow your views some slack in view of peer pressure on your children.
What issues are worth drawing hard and fast lines on and what issues are
worth compromise.

IMHO, people need to be flexible in order to live in a non-fascist environment.
That means that while we have views about the world, we don't try to inflict
these views on others nor do we allow others to inflict their views on us.
In the case of a toy you don't want your children playing with, you can always
tell the child.  Telling the parents to keep those toys away from your child
is a bit ridiculous.  

For example, I don't allow my children to drink Nutrasweet soda.  If they are
offered any I simply inject, no, here's one you can have.  Once out of my
jurisdiction they are instructed to say, "No thank you.  Do you have any juice?"
and simply explain that they cannot drink diet soda.  But I would never presume
to tell parents that they should never allow my child to see a diet drink or
to offer a diet drink to my child or drink it themselves or offer it to their
children or not drink it in front of us.  

I think toy guns should be in the same department.  If you don't want your
child playing with them, that is a rule for you and your child.  It does not
have to be supported by the neighbors.  You can learn to interfere and give
your child another toy or, when she is out of your jurisdiction, explain that
she is not to play with guns and if another child offers one simply say, 
"No thanks.  Do you have any Barbie dolls?"

And, please, people.  If you go to a birthday party and a toy gun or jelly
beans or any other item which you don't allow in your home are passed out
as party favors, learn to be gracious.  Just slip the offending item from
the loot bag after you leave.  But DO NOT inform the hostess about how 
"I don't allow FOO for my child."  One child has been banned from our birthday
party list because I am tired of being insulted after three years over what
one parent considers politically incorrect party favors.  Once it was a
water pistol.  Last year it was Fruit Snacks and I listened to a 20 minutes
lecture on cavities.  (He hadn't found the Snickers bar, hee hee).

So, stick to your morals and raise your child as you see fit.  Just try to 
refrain from shoving your views down everyone else's throat.
-- 
Judy Leedom Tyrer

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"	- William Blake