Date: Wed, 11 Nov 92 19:30:04 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: WORLD WAR II: THE MYTH OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY
From: Alan Lustiger <alu@pruxp.pr.att.com>
Keywords: original, funny, revisionist history

WORLD WAR II: THE MYTH OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY

We have all heard the stories about World War II. How the Germans
invaded  Poland.  How the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. How the
"Allied forces" landed  in  Normandy.  How  the  US  exploded  an
"atomic bomb."

One might think that World War II  is  as  factual  as  possible.
Didn't  thousands  fight  in the war and millions die? Wasn't the
war documented in newspaper and radio reports of the day?  Hasn't
there  been copious amounts of literature written about this "War
to End All Wars?"

Recent evidence, however, shows  a  much  different  story.  Most
reputable  historians now discount the myth of World War Two, but
this information is not getting out to the public.

PEARL HARBOR

For most Americans, World War II really started with the supposed
Japanese  "bombing" of Pearl Harbor. However, noted professor Dr.
Ploktin Qwerty, an  expert  of  Japanese  aviation,  has  written
extensively  on  the capabilities of 1940's vintage Japanese Zero
bombers.

"They couldn't reach Tokyo from  Osaka,  let  alone  Hawaii!"  he
wrote  in  his  1984  article for the Journal of Historical Fact.
"Given their wingspans, method of  propulsion  and  payload,  the
only  way  they  could  have  reached  any U.S. territories is as
submarines![1]"

FIRST-HAND ACCOUNTS

Serious  historians  now  agree  that  the  supposed  "first-hand
accounts"  of  soldiers  who  are alleged to have actually fought
against  the  German  and   Japanese   forces   are   notoriously
inaccurate.  In  one  celebrated instance, one soldier claimed to
have heard three bombs in ten seconds, and  another  soldier  *in
his same unit* claimed to hear only two! [2]

University of Chattanooga Professor Ernest W. Wykol has gone back
and  examined  the  barracks  where  American  soldiers stayed in
Europe. He found such items as pin-up calendars, paperback  books
and  pinochle  decks.[3]  Hardly  what  one would expect soldiers
fighting for freedom and democracy would be occupying  themselves
with.

In fact, evidence is mounting that American  "soldiers"  actually
spent  their  entire  stay  in  Europe  and  the Pacific *playing
cards*. As noted historian Odioun Flatcher has  discovered,  card
playing  was  extremely  popular  in the forties, to the point of
entire newspaper columns devoted to the subject! [4]

THE TRAGIC ACCIDENT

As Flatcher has reconstructed events, the British, French, US and
Germans all sent thousands of "soldiers" to play cards at various
sites in Europe. In one tournament in Lyons, a  tragic  explosion
occurred  at  a  nearby  fireworks  factory, killing and injuring
hundreds of players. THESE WERE THE ONLY CASUALTIES OF "WORLD WAR
II."   The   media  showed  the  injured  and  dead  soldiers  in
photographs many, many times to give the impression  of  a  "war"
with  continuous  casualties.  That  this  is  a myth can be seen
clearly; Flatcher documented one case where the  New  York  Times
showed  a  picture  of  an  injured  soldier on a Tuesday and the
Philadelphia  Bulletin  showed  the  exact  same  picture  on   a
Thursday.

THE KAMIKAZE LIE

It was certainly in the evil media's interest to make the war up,
and  to  make the "enemies" as ruthless and evil as possible. One
notorious example is the lie that Japanese aviators were actually
encouraged to destroy their valuable aircraft (and themselves) by
crashing them into the sides of US ships.

Dr. Rubert Faurr,  a  French  professor  of  basket-weaving,  has
quoted no less an authority than General Douglas MacArthur on his
reaction when he heard  the  first  rumor  about  these  supposed
suicide missions.  "That's ridiculous!" MacArthur exclaimed.

Honest Japanese people will also admit how absurd this claim  is.
The  word  "kamikaze"  actually means "he who herds the sheep" in
certain  Japanese  dialects,  according  to  Japan  expert   Mort
Clondyke.[5]  And  Atoyot  Adnoh,  currently Japanese minister of
history in the Diet,  has  stated  publically  that  "that  whole
episode was really crazy." [6]

THE MYTHMAKERS

As more of these inconsistencies get exposed,  it  truly  becomes
more  difficult  to believe what we have learned in history books
(from companies with names like Simon and Shuster.) It is outside
the  scope of this article to speculate on who could have started
and perpetuated the major myth of this century, but one only  has
to  look  at the preposterous battle cry as the Japanese are said
to have flown over to attack the  most  powerful  nation  on  the
planet:  "Tora[h],  Tora[h], Tora[h]!" It isn't difficult to come
up with the answers.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[1]  "Give Me a Laser Printer and I Can Publish Anything," Adolph
Publishers, Frenzy, MD, 1973.

[2] "The Great War: It Was Fantastic!,"  Revised  History  R  Us,
Izan Publishing House, Stuttgart, OK, 1984.

[3] Wykol, Ernest, "The Most Fun a War Could Be," *The Journal of
Historical Fiction*, Impress Press, Erie, MO, 1982.

[4] Flatcher,  Odioun,  and  others,  "War  Games:  The  Pinochle
Championship of 1944," Izan Publishers, Stuttgart, MI, 1985.

[5] Klondyke, Mort, "Japanese for People Who Don't Care,"  Surabi
Press, Dayton, OH, 1864.

[6] Proceedings of People who  Need  to  Get  a  Life,  page  32,
available in fine libraries everywhere.


(This is a spoof of Holocaust revisionist articles.)

-- 
Alan Lustiger	INTERNET:lustiger@att.com  	UUCP:att!pruxp!alu	
                ATTMAIL:!alustiger	 	CIS:72657,366

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