HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: mar@physics.su.OZ.AU (David Mar)
Subject: Re: Invisible Idiot, PART TWO
Organization: School of Physics, University of Sydney, Australia
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 05:58:23 GMT

>   Manx steps up to the board.  "It's wednesday again!  That means it's
>time for
>		INVISIBLE IDIOT 2,

Danger Mouse checks his calendar...
"Aaarrrggghhhh!!!! No, it's not! It's Friday! Afternoon, even!

"Manx," DM gets down on his knees, "if you do any more of these, _please_
e-mail the clues to me when you post them. I want a decent chance to solve
them, rather than seeing them for the first time two days late. I bet most\
of them have been solved by now. Curse this newsfeed..."

He stands again. "One more thing before I go. There are still three clues
in my set of 'Invisible Callahans' which nobody has guessed yet, repeated
below. I'll give people the weekend, then will post the all the answers,
guessed or not, on Monday. First answers in by e-mail to me win drinks!"

Category 1, clue d.  African leader, light meals; also; paste, chimes
Category 4, clue d.  average person, airport buildings; nap, abode
Category 4, clue d.  cumulus, podium; fee, tv award

- Danger Mouse.
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Barbara Trumpinski)
Subject: i'm back
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 01:56:43 GMT

kitten comes into callahans...the other patrons notice immediately
that her formerly brown parts are browner and her formerly pale parts
are pinkish gold and freckled...and that she is wearing next to
nothing.... 

"hi everyone....i am back!  michigan was WONDERFUL...(a little
cold....we could see our breath a couple of nights...) i was gone from
monday till monday...and it was an amazing experience...

there were 7,500 women and NO men!  however, i am reallllllly behind
in both e-mail and news....and i am exhausted....so if you will excuse
me i am going to take a nap....and i will tell you all about it --
TOMORROW !"

kitten yawns, stretches, and finds a corner...to curl up and take a nap...
--
***************************************************************************
conan the librarian a.k.a. kitten           /\ /\  barbara ann 
"my life's a soap opera, isn't yours?"      {=.=}
                                              ~   trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu 
"perhaps _any_ universe becomes real in proportion 
to the number of people who believe in it and spend time there." s. robinson

Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: bsackste@AFIT.AF.MIL (Bernadette M. Sacksteder)
Subject: Re: Oh, pun! season
Organization: Air Force Institue of Technology, WPAFB OH
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 18:07:25 GMT

In article <1992Aug12.163419.11758@cs.yale.edu> lower-tony@CS.YALE.EDU (Tony Lower) writes:
>From: lower-tony@CS.YALE.EDU (Tony Lower)
>Subject: Oh, pun! season
>Date: 12 Aug 92 16:34:19 GMT



>   Manx's eyes narrow very slightly as he comprehends the fact that
>the Doctor has issued as much as a formal challenge.  His right hand
>twitches near his hip in an ancient gun-fighter reflex.  After a
>moment of tension, he relaxes and signals confidently for a ginger
>ale.

>   "Ah, Doctor, so sorry to be tardis in my response.  First off, I
>am not now, nor have I ever been a cat.  I've gotten LOTS of puns
>about that.  The first few were just f'line, but I've been getting
>them in spades, and I'd really like to see the problem fixed before
>it starts to litter my reading.  AS(cii) to your puns, I can see
>that you're a man of letters, and one of great character besides,
>and I simply advoraked your key-n wit, but I did object to delete-ll
>fact that you keyboard-ering us to laugh at your puns."  At this
>point, Mike hands Manx his ginger ale.  "Thanks Mike, put it on my
>tab and I'll return to pay it later.  You know I'm not the shifty kind
>of fellow who would try to feed you a line."

>   Manx takes a sip, then picks up his subject again "If the puns are
>good, YOU shouldn't have to provide (and I quote) 'Sounds of gagging,
>dismay and breaking glasses'.  We'll do that for you.  Zounds, those
>sounds are our way of showing we liked the pun!  Providing your own
>responses takes all the spice out of the puns, and wastes thyme
>besides; we'll decide whether you've done enough tumeric our groans.
>I guarantee, if you think of an oregano-ll pun, Callahans Basil be
>quick to provide the praise you've got cumin."

>   Manx finishes off the ginger ale and sits back with a luxurious
>stretch of his back.  "This all reminds me of a little town in Italy.
>Every time someone did something very good for the town, they would
>ring the church bell just for them.  Finally, they realized that the
>person who was doing the most good was the bell-ringer, for making
>everyone feel good about themselves.  They decided he deserved a
>special bell-ringing just for him.  So they told him, of course..."

>   Manx hefts the glass in his hand and pauses dramatically.

>   "Musician, peal thyself!"

>        >CRASH<
AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!! How COULD you! Those were 
awful. They aren't even very punny! 

The New Kid breaks out a whole new supply of peanuts...
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: ajm@wag.caltech.edu (Abner J. Mintz)
Subject: Re: Time musings
Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena, CA
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 12:55:53 GMT

Rowan quotes:
>	Because we dance through time in a group, we have to
>	learn how to synchronize our personal rhythms with
>	those of our fellow creatures.  We do this by creating
>	group clocks that allow us to keep time together. To be
>	effective, these group clocks must take into consideration
>	both the natural and biological rhythms.

Some of us don't have biological rhythms ...  at least, I don't seem to. 
Unless I'm forced (say, by classes or a time-clock job) to stay on a schedule,
I seem to slip my sleeping and eating times wherever they fit.  Currently, 
it's nearly 6 A.M. my time and I'm trying to decide whether to go to sleep or
just not bother ...                  

I'm a bit of an insomniac.  Every night, I go to sleep about 2 hours later than
the day before, until I'm so out of sync that I pull an all-nighter, go to
sleep at 6 pm, and start slipping foreward again.

I think I must be built for a 26-hour day.

>	The San of South Africa use a banana as a clock.
>	When the hunters embark on a long trip they take a ripe
>	banana as a clock.  When the banana has ripened, they
>	know it is time to start for home. 

I've heard of waiting until the time is ripe, but that's carrying things a
bit far ...  Hmmmm.  So, when a banana clock goes off, can you hear it
pealing like a bell?  (no, for that you need to get a bell pepper clock ...)

>Any thoughts?

Gee, why should I think when I can be silly?
Have fun!
- Abner
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: aralph@cix.compulink.co.uk (Alan Ralph)
Subject: Re: Wumpish Naming Competition
Reply-To: aralph@cix.compulink.co.uk
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 18:13:00 +0000

The Wumpus writes:
>...at the chalk-board, the Wumpus pauses and writes up a new title.

>   "Names for baby Software"

>"I'm growing a new package here in the office, to do our job for us. We're
> a Help Desk/Administrators unit, and we have a terrible old call logging
> package that causes more grief than anything else. What myself and my new
> boss have to do is produce a decent replacement. Now, I'm designing it
> and he's building it, mostly, so I'm faced with the hardest task of
> all... what should I call it?

>"Our old system has two parts - fault calls and "dependencies" (basically
> requests for big jobs). One thing I *must* do is lose the word
> "dependency" as it really isn't very meaningful (and belongs to one man's
> empire, which shouldn't be encouraged!)

>"The new system I think will have only one part - calls from users which
> can be for faults or requests or anything really... anything that doesn't
> get an immediate answer gets recorded in here, to make sure it gets
> answered before the user calls back!

>"I've had a couple of thoughts, but wondered if all you punsters out there
> could come up with something good for me. Obviously the final selection
> will be clean, but that shouldn't stop blue suggestions!

>"OK, some information about the environment to suggest some ideas... The
> unit is called "Infrastructure Services", we look after ordering new
> hw/sw, running the central UNIX servers that allow access only to the
> office automation/email service called OFFICEPOWER, controlling the LANs
> and WANs, the system will replace "Community Help Desk (CHD)" and will be
> based on Clipper running on Novell.

>"Some suggestions so far have been -
> CID "Sid" Customer Interaction Database
> SINNER Simple Interactive Novell Network Enquiry and Request system
> CUJO Customer/User Job Organisation
> DRAT Dynamic Request Access and Tracking

>"A Wumpish hug and free drinks for the rest of the night for the best
> suggestions!

Lessee... ODC (Out Damn Customer!) is out, cos I seem to remember that's
already used somewhere else in ICL :-)

How about... CHUND (Combined Helpline/User Needs Database)
          or PHONE (Phone Help/Other Needs Enquiries)
     or even ORACLE (Oh Rats! A Customer's Looooong Enquiry)
or how about HYACINTH (Help! It's Another Customer In Need of Technical
                       Hand-holding!)

What do you think of those, Wumpus, old chap? :-)

Alan Ralph <-> Kimberley MonTemplar
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: JMPIERCE%USMCP6.bitnet@VM.TCS.Tulane.EDU (JIM PIERCE)
Subject: Hello Snark ! re: Time musings
Organization: Yale CS Mail/News Gateway
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 19:39:30 GMT


  "Yes, they showed some of that 'living in a cave to find out human's
natural circadian rythum' on PBS last year. One study showed that
some people seem to prefer a 24 hour sleep and 48 hours awake period.
But indeed the 'norm' was a 50-hour day. If you saw the News on telly
about the woman who had spent months in a cave in France, then you
have heard about one of these tests." DJ.

 "Hmm. Almost time to start loading everything for registration; one
set of equipment and three campuses, so 'Have Equipment, Must Travel'.
I would make that a trivia question, but too many of us probably
remember the big discussion about the first tv personage to use a
similar line to other people, 'Have Gun, Will Travel.' " DJ.

   later my friends !


{ Gee, it certainly would be nice if I could read newsgroups from
   an msdos machine here at work... }

* <JMPIERCE@USMCP6.BITNET> Jim "NickD." Pierce; Bach. Sci. in Appl. Cmp Sci
* USM Academic Computing on the Gulf Park Campus. Disclaimer: Standard.
* "I'm a computer operator and I'm OK !" me.
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: mar@physics.su.OZ.AU (David Mar)
Subject: What a concert!
Organization: School of Physics, University of Sydney, Australia
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 00:50:16 GMT

"Wow!"

Danger Mouse enters the Place with a semi-glazed expression. (Yes, I know
you didn't see him leave, but it makes more sense if he arrives at this
point in the post.)

"I took Stumpy's advice and went to see The National Youth Choir of Great
Britain last night. They performed in concert with the Sydney Philharmonia
(Australia's leading choir) and the Sydney Male Choir, and they absolutely
blew them away! Mere words are not adequate to describe how wonderful the
Youth Choir were!

"The first half of the programme was just the Youth Choir. They opened with
Schultz's _German_Magnificat_, which was simply amazing. I have never heard
applause that loud or long after only the opening work of a concert. They
continued with a few other pieces, including an hilarious rendition of
_Short_People_ by eight of the males (one of them a head shorter than the
other seven). And at the end of their section, the audience managed to
persuade them to perform two encores, which were simply beautiful. And all
without an accompanist.

"(Add to this a brief romance from afar with one of the first sopranos...
She smiled a lot, and I imagined that it was directed at me.... :-)  )

"After the interval, things began slowly with the Male Choir performing a
few short pieces. Their best was _Love_Changes_Everything_ by Andrew Loyd-
Weber. Then the Philharmonia took the stage. Now, the Philharmonia are the
best choir in Australia, but they were just flat and lifeless compared to
the Youth Choir. They did some Schonberg. And then for the finale, all
three choirs got on stage together to do _Zadok's_Prayer_ (or was it
_Priest_Zadok_? something like that) by Handel, followed by the
_Hallelujah_Chorus_ from _Messiah_.

"Most impressive. Mere ASCII cannot do it justice, I'm afraid."

DM raises a glass of orange juice and toasts:

"To great music, to Stumpy and his cousin in the Youth Choir, to the chain
of circumstances that led to my going to that concert last night, and to
the National Youth Choir of Great Britain!"

*gulp*

***crash***

"If there are any lurkers in Brisbane or Singapore, catch the concerts
there when the Choir arrives in the next week or two. And to all you lucky
folks in Britain: _see_this_choir_perform_when_they_get_back_home_.

"Um..." DM looks around at all the patrons staring at him. He realises
slowly that he has been raving uncontrollably. "Ooops. I guess I got a bit
carried away there. <grin> This has not been a paid advertisement; DM is
not affiliated with the National Youth Choir of Great Britain in any way
whatsoever - although he wishes he was."

- Danger Mouse.
From: rmarsh@waikato.ac.nz
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Who's Hungary?
Date: 18 Aug 92 05:25:23 GMT
Organization: University of Waikato, Hamilton, New Zealand

In article <92230.101605U3E67@wvnvm.wvnet.edu>, Cathy Ridings <U3E67@wvnvm.wvnet.edu> writes:
> -- no more
> hungary or homeless people.  
> Cathy

  "No more Hungary? No more Yugoslavia I understand, they're tearing each other
apart anyway. Italy-kely be a while before Hungary raises the Eire of its
people enough to collapse. Look at those horrible puns! 'Spain-ful!

-- 
Robert 'Stumpy' Marsh | 95 Fairfield Rd | I can't reply to E-Mail, but 
rmarsh@waikato.ac.nz  | Hamilton        | don't let that stop you sending.
+64 7 855 4406        | New Zealand     |
From: jane@soave.swdc.stratus.com (Jane Beckman)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: who are these folks?
Date: 13 Aug 92 01:06:37 GMT
Organization: Stratus Computer, Inc., San Jose, CA

Jilara, freshly back in The Place after a month-and-a-half
enforced absence, courtesy of her balky news.server, looks
down at herself.  "Since my appearance here tends to match my
Real Life, I guess I'll give you the me of today.  I tend to
wear black a lot (though not for the same reasons most do).
Blond hair, almost down to my waist, held back in a ponytail,
large glasses.  Black T-shirt with a Celtic interlace design,
and the schedule of the Serrated Edge tour for Tempest.  ("My
boys" I call them.  I was sort of fan/den mother for a
while...)  Black skirt.  Sometimes I wear black boots, but
today it's black socks with black running shoes.  Non-matching
earcuffs, one with stars, one with a silver feather.  Sword
pendant set with a garnet.  Slim Navajo bracelet with a tiny
chip of turquoise.  Wedding ring in two-tone gold Celtic
interlace.  I'm 38, but don't look that old, just as I weigh
175 lbs, but don't look it, due to it being heavy on the
muscle...  Once my eyes were my trademark, immensely old and
weary eyes, but they don't seem to be so old, any more.

"I tend to affect a somewhat swashbuckling image. Which fits
with the fact that I'm good with swords (live steel broadsword
and greatsword, and fencing), and have been studying Bok Fu
for five years.  (Since no two martial arts have the same
belts, and my sensei says they are meaningless, anyway, I
won't bore you with details.)  I'm one of the Callahans
oldtimers, been here since something like post #9, in November
of '89.  I met my husband, Alaric, here.  December 2, 1989."
She grins.  "The rest is history!

"I tend to be one of the more cynical folks, at times.  May be
something to do with my shrink saying I've had more nasty shit
dumped into my life than anyone she's ever met or even read
about.  I don't know about that, but I'm better, really."  She
winks.  "Besides, life started getting better about the time I
found The Place, and it's been going that way on a pretty
consistant basis, ever since.  But then, that's the magic of
Callahans!"


--
  Jilara   [jane@swdc.stratus.com]

I've worn high-heeled pointed-toed fashionable shoes for the past 
twenty years, and you ask me about if *getting tattooed* hurt?!
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: bucknerb@bnr.ca (Brent Buckner)
Subject: Re: anchovies and a filk
Organization: Bell-Northern Research, Ontario, Canada
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 16:11:44 GMT

In article <qX5RPB2w165w@xocolatl.com> eoin@xocolatl.com writes:
>
>2 weeks and counting for Magicon.
>
>Are there any plans for a realspace there?
>

I plan to attend the @ party.

-- 
at Bell-Northern Research
voice:        (613) 765-2739
Canada Post:  P.O. Box 3511, Station C, Ottawa, Canada, K1Y 4H7
I do not claim that BNR holds these views.  
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Barbara Trumpinski)
Subject: Re: who are these folks?
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 00:58:55 GMT

kitten says, "well...i am me in RL(tm) and VR(tm)...37, married, light
blonde hair cut just below earlength with a tendency to curl
annoyingly...very blue eyes and glasses...sort of plump and freckled
(but i have lost 10 pounds recently.) i giggle, bounce and hug as much
as possible...of course, when i go into the stacks and come out as
conan the librarian i get taller and more muscled...loincloth, sword
and a sort of "darryl hannah" look...:).  2 cats, 3 kids
(step)....heather is married, 19, in college.  brad is 17, lives with
his mother and stepfather...a great kid.  we just got custody of
lee...he is  15 and ....more about him later.  but he is GREAT...and
my fears were groundless."


kitten curls back up and listens to everyone else...
--
***************************************************************************
conan the librarian a.k.a. kitten           /\ /\  barbara ann 
"my life's a soap opera, isn't yours?"      {=.=}
                                              ~   trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu 
"perhaps _any_ universe becomes real in proportion 
to the number of people who believe in it and spend time there." s. robinson
From: lydick@SOL1.GPS.CALTECH.EDU (Speaker-to-Minerals)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: re: lots and re: Alfvaen on the haywagon
Date: 21 Aug 92 16:46:19 GMT
Reply-To: lydick@SOL1.GPS.CALTECH.EDU
Organization: HST Wide Field/Planetary Camera

In article <920817.01215276.042245@USM.CP6>, JMPIERCE%USMCP6.bitnet@VM.TCS.Tulane.EDU (JIM PIERCE) writes:
>
>   "Well, at my University job, we use either 2400 or 9600 bps terminals,
>so watching text creep up my screen at home usually makes me very drowsy.
><grin> I have lost text off the screen because I forget to set my
>'lines-per-one-screen' mode on Unix, and sometimes Procomm at Uni can
>lose the top one-two lines of text. Ah, well. I just figured out it was
>partially my problem in that I had VLT { Amiga VT100 emulator } set for
>'smooth scrolling' instead of what I have it set now. Text moves a
>little faster." DJ.

StM puts in, "I use 19200 baud exclusively at work.  Unfortunately, I've only
got a 9600-baud terminal at home, and what with a recent modem upgrade, it's my
terminal that's now the limiting factor.  I'll upgrade terminals perhaps later
this afternoon."
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: rowanf@crc.ricoh.com (Rowan Fairgrove)
Subject:  Time musings
Reply-To: rowanf@crc.ricoh.com (Rowan Fairgrove)
Organization: RICOH California Research Center
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 92 23:44:01 GMT

I have been thinking about time lately.  Why our culture
never seems to have enough of it.  In my anthro days we
always lamented the 20 hour week of the hunter/gatherer
(the men, at least, there has since been intimations that like
so much of the anthropology they were teaching us it was
sadly biased).

I have also been discussing the differences between Australian
practice of English traditional Wicca and northern hemisphere
practice.  Looking at the different ways we try to keep in 
touch with our natural environment despite the city / hectic
pace around us.

I came across an interesting passage in _Drumming on the
Edge of Magic_ by Mickey Hart w/ Jay Stevens, that seemed
like a thread might get Callahanians interested:

	Because we dance through time in a group, we have to
	learn how to synchronize our personal rhythms with
	those of our fellow creatures.  We do this by creating
	group clocks that allow us to keep time together. To be
	effective, these group clocks must take into consideration
	both the natural and biological rhythms.

	Hunters and gatherers construct their clocks from the
	natural cycles of the plants and animals that form their
	diet.  Agricultural communities construct their clocks
	out of the cycle of planting, germination and harvest.  The
	principal clock of the Andaman Islanders, for example, is
	tied to the flowering cycle in their part of the jungle; they
	know where they are in time because of how the jungle 
	smells.  The San of South Africa use a banana as a clock.
	When the hunters embark on a long trip they take a ripe
	banana as a clock.  When the banana has ripened, they
	know it is time to start for home. We, on the other hand,
	are descended from cultures that found their clocks in 
	the rhythm of the stars, although for the last four hundred
	years we have embraced an increasingly linear concept
	of time.

Any thoughts?

Rowan Fairgrove
From: dirbze@doc.bmd.trw.com
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: Quote Happens [Time][and a little philosophy..]
Date: 18 Aug 92 14:04:51 MST


> sjs:
>   Why aren't labour-saving devices?
> 
> moi:
>     My favourite passage in Thoreau is when a friend tells him how wonderful
>   the new railroad is, because you can get to the next town faster.  Thoreau
>   challenges him to a race:  he'll start walking, and his firend can start
>   earning the price of a ticket.
> 
>     When Thoreau was writing, it was still almost practical for a family farm
>   to support itself, almost totally independent of society, of barter or trade.
>   But his friend clearly demonstrates that an illusion of dependence *within*
>   the web of society and economy had already emerged.
>     This is where I disagree with the most rabid net.libertarians.  Their
>   concept of independence and individual liberty is based on outright denial
>   of the web of society and economy.  It may still be *possible* to live in
>   America outside of this web, but I wouldn't call it *practical*, and I sure
>   wouldn't agree that anyone with net.access *is* living outside the web!
> 
>                                       Mentor the Sage
Me too!  Me too!
	You know, this is one of those threads that made me go 'hmmmmmmm'...
I started from with the thought that labour-saving devices are...[grin]... but
this quickly led to the question, 'Well, if so, how come I STILL never have
enough time..' 

	More 'hmmmmmmm'... 

	And then Mentor's comments came through... and I after first glance I
said 'huh?'...   But there's something kicking around 'upstairs'... and I have
to wonder...  What is the driving force behind his 'web of society' [or in
other words, the interdependence of subsets of society] and how does it feed
the ongoing evolution of societ(y)(ies)???....

	I see it in place... I recognize it every time I go for groceries or
turn on a light switch [add a bazillion other things if you wish]... but how
did this happen?  I depend on this interdepence, just as I depend on my
labour-saving devices [such as this here 'puter!]... and now I wonder where
this will lead us.....

	Ain't philosophy great!?!?!?!? [hehehehehe]

Hugs & Grins!

Dirbze!  [btw.. I won't see any followups for few days.. got yanked outta town
to go 'stomp out a few brush fires'... before they turn into 'forest fires'...
and all because some crazy colonel decides he has to have an answer NOW!]
Newsgroups: alt.callahans