From: dprjdg@inetg1.ARCO.COM (John Grasham)
Subject: Alternative Families
Organization: ARCO Oil and Gas Company
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 16:06:46 GMT

On the subject of "Children in Same Gender Familes":

>
>In article <1gnoriINN4bl@hp-col.col.hp.com>, smithw@col.hp.com (Walter
Smith) >writes...
>
>|So should families where one parent is a crossdresser be shown? 
>|Or both are?  Does a distinction need to be made between 2-male families
>|and households where there is a father and a male (non-gay relation) 
>|sharing the house (to share expenses) where they sleep in *different* 
>|rooms?  Do we need to show families where daddy and the family dog are 
>|very close?  Do we need to show families where mommy and daddy are 
>|swingers, and occasionally have someone else's mommy/daddy sleep over 
>|instead of the usual mommy/daddy?  How about when daddy and daddy are 
>|swingers, and swap daddies now and then?  I realize I'm going to an 
>|absurd length here, but do you see the point?  

Gadson [usenet@hp4at.eunet.co.at (USENET - Admin account)] then replies:

>
>	Why do you feel it necessary to portray families as based on
>the specific sexual practises?  Isn't it sufficient simply to show
families
>as based on gender differences (or similarities) alone?  In other words,
>showing a family with two male parents doesn't even bring into question
>the activities in the bedroom.  And I think that's where alternative
>family education in schools should end.
>
>

It is important to portray families based on sexual practices because the
sexual activities of the parents matter to the children.  It matters a
great
deal to them.  Children understand at a visceral level when mommy or daddy
can't or won't commit to a loved person on a permanent basis.  They also
know instinctively that it is not good for mommy or daddy to be sleeping
with different people on a regular basis because this may indicate a basic
selfishness in the parent.

One of the great fears that any child has is of abandonment.  They worry
about the relationships that their parents have because this tells them
something about their parents.  Sexual activities matter because they
not only affect the "consenting adults" but all those who depend on them.
Children know from the experience of their peers that the sexual practices
of their parents can result in abandonment of the kids by one of the
parents
when a parent "runs off" with a new love.

One of the other fears that children harbor, is that of being different
or odd.  My own children have said they now feel very unusual because they
live in a family where the original mommy and daddy are still married to
each other.  This puts them in an envied minority group (among their
peers).  This is an example of a beneficial difference (no child is proud
when their parents get another divorce, but are envious of the child whose
parents have never been divorced).

Any child that lives in a family with two parents of the same sex, will be
well aware of the difference between his/her family and any other.  Not
only will the child be in a family with one biological and one "step"
parent (as in a divorce/remarriage situation), they will realize as soon
as they understand simple biology (it takes a male and a female chicken
to make a baby chick), that their family is not and cannot be a biological
, or "normal" family.  This would be an example of (in my opinion) a
non-beneficial difference that the child is not equipped to understand
even
if explanations are given.

My conclusions are that a same-sex couple should decide on their own to be
child-less.  If one is already a custodial parent, perhaps consideration
should be given to transferral of custody.  If that is not feasible,
perhaps a change to a celibate lifestyle, with a decision by the couple
to be room-mates, but not sexual partners.  Many sacrifices are routinely
made for one's children, and the children are often grateful for these
sacrifices even without being told of them.  Having and raising children
is all about growing out of selfishness and growing into a greater
capacity
for sacrificial love.

John G.







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