HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: When is it Miss/Mr. Right
Date: 25 Jan 93 18:42:12 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <C1Doox.Hp@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu> papresco@napier.uwaterloo.ca (Paul Prescod) writes:
>This is Paul's girlfriend Lilia...I think everyone has in their heads
>an idea of the "perfect" person.  Unfortunately, I think finding that
>person is impossible.  There will always be some physical or emotional
>"flaw" making it impossible.  Too many people are searching for the
>"perfect" person when they should be looking for the most compatible
>person.  Only you can decide what flaws are tolerable and what ones are
>not.
>
>  It is extremely important that you don't set out to find the
>"most compatable person" with the intentions of changing what you view
>to be their flaws.  It is more important to "work" with what you've got
>instead of focusing your energies on fixing the things that you think
>are wrong with them.
>
>The important thing keep in mind when starting a relationship, is that
>it takes work; hard work, but if you really love the person, the work
>should be (mostly) enjoyable, not dreadful.  The hardest part is
>knowing when it's worth the work, and when you really should move on
>and find a new SO. Just make sure that the person you are with is worth
>the effort even though they may not be "perfect"
>

This sounds like good advice, but my view of the world is a bit 
different. I don't have an idea of a perfect person, I have an
idea of a perfect relationship. Just as you (Lilia) know that
know no one is perfect, I know no relationship is perfect, so
I try for a realistic approximation to that ideal.

Since I don't have a preconceived idea about the woman I want, I
just meet a lot of women, one way and another, and try to get to
know them. Now and then, I find one that I feel I would like to
be with, and I try to develop a relationship. 

I agree that a relationship is a lot of work, and that it should be
work you enjoy. So far it has always gotten to the point where it is
clear that the relationship is not going to develop into something that
will last, so I haven't had to worry about quitting a relationship
because it wasn't quite good enough. That would be a hard decision.


Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: papresco@napier.uwaterloo.ca (Paul Prescod)
Subject: Re: When is it Miss/Mr. Right
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 21:50:56 GMT

This is Paul's girlfriend Lilia...I think everyone has in their heads
an idea of the "perfect" person.  Unfortunately, I think finding that
person is impossible.  There will always be some physical or emotional
"flaw" making it impossible.  Too many people are searching for the
"perfect" person when they should be looking for the most compatible
person.  Only you can decide what flaws are tolerable and what ones are
not.

  It is extremely important that you don't set out to find the
"most compatable person" with the intentions of changing what you view
to be their flaws.  It is more important to "work" with what you've got
instead of focusing your energies on fixing the things that you think
are wrong with them.

The important thing keep in mind when starting a relationship, is that
it takes work; hard work, but if you really love the person, the work
should be (mostly) enjoyable, not dreadful.  The hardest part is
knowing when it's worth the work, and when you really should move on
and find a new SO. Just make sure that the person you are with is worth
the effort even though they may not be "perfect"
From: v119qkv2@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (POE)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Advice please!!
Date: 26 Jan 93 17:59:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1993Jan25.210627.10562@ac.dal.ca>, rtousi@ac.dal.ca writes...
>Hi
>   Is it right to try and steal a girl from a boyfriend who is making her
>life miserable by his neglect, even though she still loves him. But she openly
>admitts he's making her life Hell.

	Boy, this sounds familiar.  Oh ya, this WAS my life a few months back.
You're gonna havta give a little more detail into the situation before I'll give
any real advice (ie. what's your friendship like with her, how long has this 
been going on, how long have they been together, what does he do that makes her
life hell, etc.).
	"Steal" is such a bad word.  Try "rescue" or "save".  Is it right?  It
depends.  A better question is can it be done.  And let me tell you from ex-
perience, there's probably nothing you can do about it.  I don't wanna bore
everyone again with the details, so if you want the whole sad story, e-mail me
and I'll let you know what you're getting into.  It ain't pretty.

"I think it's time now
 for you to know
 holding on is easier
 than letting go."

- Mike Poe
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: mreinker@nyx.cs.du.edu (matthew Reinker)
Subject: Re: Girls can be confusing...
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 93 14:35:39 GMT

Excuuuuuuuuuse ME!!!!!!

	I don't like the sound of that post Mr. Stewert, I will be the
FIRST to tell you that there are some pretty scummy PEOPLE (not just
women) out there who treat people like sh**, but I never refer to them as
a sub-species! I also don't agree with the idea that men are feeble when
it comes to dealing with women. Like women, you either deal with people,
or you don't.  Matt, you'll do what you think is best, go forth with a
good attitude and a bit of salt, but be ready if it all backfires, make
the most of it, and try not to be bigot.
	The Companion

P.S. Pant, pant...No one is a second rate anything.

"I'm only prejudiced against prejudiced people..."

--
My Ideas and opinions are my own. I don't share.
Any errors you find in grammer or spelling are not mistakes, but ART!

"I'm going slightly mad!"      Queen
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: last night...
Date: 25 Jan 93 19:03:41 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1993Jan25.035529.1849@ncsu.edu> eagle@garfield.catt.ncsu.edu (Daniel L'Hommedieu) writes:
>Last night, my girlfriend went out with another guy.  Well, let me tell
>you a little more: we're separated by 150 miles of interstate highway.
>Fortunately, we have a very honest relationship--she told me of this
>outing on Thursday evening.  Now, of course it bothered me, but what can
>I do?  Tell her to stay home?  I think not.
>

I think this is where you lose me. I think you and your girlfriend
should discuss what you both think is acceptable behavior. Come to a
compromise between what you want and what she wants. Then trust each
other to behave as you have agreed, until you agree to behave
differently.  If you can't come to an agreement, or you can't trust
each other, perhaps you should not be in a relationship.

It sounds like you don't think she should be dating other guys. I think
you should tell her so. You should not ask her to do it to save your
feelings, but rather you should say that you expect her to do this as a
matter respect. Don't expect her to do everything you want, but do expect
her to be willing to negotiate and to stand by what she has said.

Peace,
Michael.
---------
"He wants to psychoanalyze you on your bicycle." (Carefree)
From: schen@sales.GBA.NYU.EDU (Sherman Chen)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Curious?
Date: 22 Jan 93 15:28:25 GMT
Organization: NYU Stern School of Business


Well, I am not intimidated by extremely independent women.  I guess I am one of
those with a weird view or something, but I find people who are too dependent
on me to be a turn off.

Sherman
From: petitc@nuge101.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Possible FAQs (Was: Re: Girls can be confusing...)
Date: 27 Jan 93 20:33:58 GMT

llk4k@Virginia.EDU ("Lori Karalow") writes:

>Because we're stupid and look for dumb things that don't mean a
>hill of beans in the long run!  Guilty as charged!

 I think everyone's guilty of that to some degree or other.  The problem is
when you try to claim otherwise.
-- 
"Protect endangered species!  Contribute to the Exxon Supporter's Fund!"
"Pay no attention to that little man behind the keyboard."
"If you want to look for fish, best not to look in desert."
"The greatest beauty in the world is beauty that is private."
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Any cure for the "Just wanna be friends" Blues?
Date: 21 Jan 93 19:32:43 GMT
Organization: BNR Europe Ltd, London Road, Harlow, England.
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.199.202.48

In article <20JAN199322124752@pavo.concordia.ca> f_alfan@pavo.concordia.ca (Doom, Herald Of the Apocalypse) writes:
>
>Neil Diamond's music aside, what's a good way to get rid of the "Just
>Wanna Be Friends" (tm) Blues? I just got this line for the 35th time, so
>I'm not eactly a chipper camper anymore. Any suggestions?
>                                            --Fab

Sorry Fab, I have all the saved posts ready to formulate an FAQ, but I
never seem to get around to it! You're right though, this would be in it.

There is no escape from the "Just Wanna Be Friends" (tm) Blues. Women
do this deliberately to wind up men just for the hell of it. They like to
get men back for 1 million years of unequal pay and male chauvinist
piggery. It's common knowledge. ;-) ;-) ;-)

For the challenged in the humour department, have a few more: :-) :-) :-)

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
From: amymw@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Amy Wisotsky)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: topics to avoid on first date
Keywords: dating
Date: 27 Jan 93 21:27:41 GMT
Organization: Brandeis University

cs64wag@sdcc8.ucsd.edu (Jeremy Friesner) writes:

>In article <1jv0imINNf5h@gap.caltech.edu> peri@cco.caltech.edu (Michal Leah Peri) writes:
> >>>Please feel free to add onto this list, in which I will only begin to
> >>>uncover the dos and do nots of beginning a new romance.
> >
> >>A: TOPICS NEVER TO DISCUSS ON A FIRST DATE
> >>
> >>       1. Reoccuring Skin Inflammations
> >>       2. Ethnic Jokes
> >>       3. Satanism
> >>       4. X-Significant Others
> >>       5. Super bizarre sexual fantasies or problems
> >	 6. Bad credit
>	 7. Why C is better than Pascal
    8. The list of topics that shouldn't be discussed on the first date

							-Amy-
							 :)
--
	#include ".sig"
	#define AMY amymw@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu
		:)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: fippen@ux2.cso.uiuc.edu (J. Fippen)
Subject: Love is THE most important thing in life.
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 11:35:26 GMT

	Make no mistake: when we were married I loved my wife; I knew I
could never do without her. But early on we moved a lot (I was in the USAF)
and we had 2 daughters, so there was a money crunch in that there was
never enough. But we made do, and I kept trying to meet all requirements
as best I could. So I had to go outside our AF income for more money; I got
wrapped around the axel in bonds, stocks, options bigtime (both puts & calls)
, real estate, and asset juggling; now I already understood balance sheets,
profit & loss statements, cash flow, etc, and this info helped me greatly as
these things became tools which I used as a carpenter might use his tools.
But all of this effort caused a diminution of affection that I showed my wife
and our daughters. Now I didn't mean to ignore my wife; I love her too much
forrly every night for 4 months with Russian 122 mm rockets. During 
this time I spent a lot of time in bunkers, and I had a lot of time to think,
and suddenly I realized my wife was the most important thing in the world
to me by far, and that I had neglected her. Now, suddenly, I knew what is
real to me in life, and when we has R & R in Mar '68 I knew what to do
about this deplorable situation, and I did it! Long separation and adversity
drive a strong love to indescribeable heights; it is this love that I hope 
each of you will find in your lives.
		John Fippen     fippen@ux2.cso.uiuc.edu


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: chavis@thumper..bellcore.com (Dennis Chavis)
Subject: Re: ++ Am I paranoid? ++
Reply-To: chavis@thumper.UUCP (Dennis Chavis)
Organization: Bellcore MRE
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 93 16:52:27 GMT

In article <C176LE.B6D@brunel.ac.uk> mr-woried writes:
>
>this chap at her school who lost his father in a car accident - and she has been
>helping him out (as she too lost her father when she was a child). She said that
>she is going to the inquest into his father's death with him.
>
>in the past, spent much time with that many other boys at her school.
>
>
>Any views would be appreciated. Worried.

It is over move on to someone else, I had seen it happen to many times
while I was in school.

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@vccnw01.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: A kiss should never be given as a duty.
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 04:32:33 GMT

alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( ) writes:

>To decide what is and is not for "a few close friends" seems to be the
>bane of a college student's existence.  While being in college, I have
>had occaision to offer a backrub/massage or even a friendly hug
>every once in a while, yet never did so for fear of the possible
>damage such an offer might do to a friendship.  The words "You need
>a hug" that were often said by a very good friend of mine often
>rang very true, but only the words were only said, and never was the hug
>actually given.

  It's not just you---everyone needs a good hug.  

>       I can agree that kissing is for the one you are in a
>relationship with. (I, personally, have gotten sick of the
>abbreviation SO.)  Cuddling tooo, for me at any rate, is reserved for
>those you are already involved with in a more-than-friends manner,
>or those with whom you wish to be involved.  However, massages, for me
>at least, should be something given when they are needed.  I don't
>mean the "clothes off/ covered by only a towel" type of massages, but
>a gentle (or firm) backrub or neck rub to release the built up
>tension that college live ineveitably incurrs.  I do think that a
>certain degree of intimacy and trust is necessary for this, as well
>as clearly defined intentions.  Something as sensual as a backrub
>could, and probably has, given way to something much more intimate,
>and a lot less innocent.

  Yes.  I'd say that simple touching, if done right (I'm talking about
non-sexual touching) can be truly powerful.  Just imagine how you'd feel if
the person you were (or would like to be) dating just held your hand, and
slowly rubbed your fingers in his/hers.

>        All in all it depends on the people involved.  I tend to need
>to be fairly close to someone before I will even attempt to touch them
>beyond a friendly pat on the back/shoulder.  Even this has been
>misinterpreted at times.  So, I wait for people to open up to me,
>instead of my going to them.  It saves a lot of pain and
>misunderstanding in the long run.   

  It does.  But, if you keep things clear, and your intents well-marked,
there's nothing wrong with plenty of *BIG HUGS* from people.  :&)
-- 
"Protect endangered species!  Contribute to the Exxon Supporter's Fund!"
"Pay no attention to that little man behind the keyboard."
"If you want to look for fish, best not to look in desert."
"The greatest beauty in the world is beauty that is private."
From: wolfone@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (no one of consequence)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Interracial Romance
Date: 28 Jan 1993 04:40:00 GMT
Organization: The University of Texas at Austin, Austin TX
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: thumper.cc.utexas.edu


Someone fall in love with an ET?


-- 
/----------------------------------------------------------------------\
|Patrick Chester                             wolfone@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu|
|"If the Earth is our Cradle, then why are we still here?"             |
|Everything your side says is Truth. All else is Propaganda....        |
|I only speak for myself. If I *did* speak for UT, would anyone listen?|
\----------------------------------------------------------------------/
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: rfulk@cwis.unomaha.edu (Bob Fulkerson)
Subject: Re: Love Vs. Dependency
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 05:45:51 GMT

After my four-year relationship ended, a friend in Kentucky sent me a
care package that included her copy of _The Road Less Traveled_ by M.
Scott Peck.

That act alone was a very cleansing one for me.

I was only able to read the first section, Discipline, at the time.  I
finished that section and read the first few pages in the second
section, Love.  Unfortunately, at that time, I was not strong enough to
read the section -- I was afraid that I would find something hidden
underneath my pain that would symbolize that I had been "at fault" for
the ending of my four-year relationship.

I now have my own copy and will be returning my friend's copy to her
because it is she now who needs the act of giving.

As fate may have it, my SO and I reconciled our problems three months
later and have been happily dating again for the past seven months.  

Life is wierd,
-- Bob

-- 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------.
 Robert Fulkerson, Creighton University  . Vice-President, Assoc Comp Mach .
     rfulk@{unomaha|creighton}.edu       .     Creighton University ACM    .
---------------------------------------------------------------------------.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: mage@eskimo.com (Joel Thornton)
Subject: Re: Guide to Romance (1st Ed.)
Organization: -> ESKIMO NORTH (206) For-Ever <-
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Distribution: alt.romance
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 08:23:02 GMT

Darrell Morrone (tanis@acs.bu.edu) wrote:
: Guide to Romance for the Light Hearted: (1st installment)
: 
: 
: Please feel free to add onto this list, in which I will only begin to
: uncover the dos and do nots of beginning a new romance.
: 
: 
: A: THINGS NEVER TO DISCUSS ON A FIRST DATE
: 
:        1. Reoccuring Skin Inflammations
:        2. Ethnic Jokes
:        3. Satanism
:        4. X-Significant Others
         5. Nothing [Discuss Something!]

: 
: This is just providing a catalyst to gain insight to your views, so that the
: few who have not suffered may receive solace from the multitudes who have.
: 
: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Joel Thornton
- mage @ eskimo.com

-- 


<Mm>

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: caforce@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (DALE FORCE)
Subject: Re: When is it Miss/Mr. Right
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: NASA Lewis Research Center
Date: 28 Jan 1993 17:25 EST  

In article <C1Doox.Hp@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu>, papresco@napier.uwaterloo.ca (Paul Prescod) writes...
>This is Paul's girlfriend Lilia...I think everyone has in their heads
>an idea of the "perfect" person.  Unfortunately, I think finding that
>person is impossible.  There will always be some physical or emotional
>"flaw" making it impossible.  Too many people are searching for the
>"perfect" person when they should be looking for the most compatible
>person.  Only you can decide what flaws are tolerable and what ones are
>not.
> 
>  It is extremely important that you don't set out to find the
>"most compatable person" with the intentions of changing what you view
>to be their flaws.  It is more important to "work" with what you've got
>instead of focusing your energies on fixing the things that you think
>are wrong with them.
> 
Without focusing on changing a person, one should remember that one can.
It may make all the difference. (But one must do it in love, not as a 
requirement, but as a desire to enrich the relationship, or to explore new 
possibilities.
From: pighetti2194@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Love Song Tape (Who's Making it?)
Date: 28 Jan 93 10:41:35 -0600
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

Within the last two weeks, someone posted a letter stating that they were
constructing a love song/slow jam tape.  It could be received by sending a
blank tape and paying postage costs.  I was interested, but the address went
off the air before i could reply and i haven't seen anything about it since. 
So if you are making this tape and read this post could you get back to me.  I
am intersted in your tape.

Thanks....

Pig


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: eagle@garfield.catt.ncsu.edu (Daniel L'Hommedieu)
Subject: last night...
Organization: Computer and Technologies Theme Program, NCSU, Raleigh
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 03:55:29 GMT

Last night, my girlfriend went out with another guy.  Well, let me tell
you a little more: we're separated by 150 miles of interstate highway.
Fortunately, we have a very honest relationship--she told me of this
outing on Thursday evening.  Now, of course it bothered me, but what can
I do?  Tell her to stay home?  I think not.

So, anyway, we talked again today, and I asked how her evening went.
She said it was great--they went to a place she and I usually go: Coyote
Joe's (a country-music bar near where we live).  She told me that they
were dancing most of the night (I inquired of slow dances--she said they
did and that hurt...).  They were rarely sitting she said.

After we hung up, I began to wonder...did they kiss?  This really began
to bother me for a while.  After consulting with a good friend, I
decided to call her--turned out she called me back.  I told her that I
had to ask (trust is a BIG deal with me--more later).  She very quickly
answered "no" and asked me if they should have.  I told her that I hoped
not.

Well, my system is shutting down in a minute or two, so I have to end
this quickly...

Anyway, we talked for a while after that and our conversation just
instilled great trust between us--if she ever had to hide something like
this from me, we'd no doubt have a serious problem.

One last thing: the whole thing kinda bothered her--what with dating me
serious (thoughts of marriage?) and going out with him last night--it
didn't sit to well with her, after the fact.

Perhaps this was better fit for a diary.  Anybody else ever have an
experience like this and can share your thoughts?  I could really use
some right now.  Thanks.

Daniel
--
Daniel "eagle" L'Hommedieu / Junior, NCSU CSC Dept / eagle@catt.ncsu.edu
"It will not be easy.  It will require sacrifice."--President Bill
Clinton in his inaugural speech, 20 January 1993.  Translation: "we're
getting ready to tax the hell out of you."
Newsgroups: alt.romance