From: jdare@math.rutgers.edu (James Dare)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.humor.d
Subject: Keep It in Your Pants, Jim Bakker
Date: 4 Sep 92 01:49:17 GMT
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.

This is old but still good.   Brought to you by the same folks who
gave you "I Spent the War in Indiana" by Danny and the Quayles 
(If anyone is still looking for *those* lyrics, let me know: I have
the tape, and will transcribe them when I get time.)


                 KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, JIM BAKKER


Well lately, every time I watch the evening news or read the paper,
I hear about somebody else who's sleeping with Jim Bakker,
They say that he has had himself all kinds of sexual joys,
A secretary, a prostitute, and a couple of chior boys.

Well it appears to me, Jimmy, things haven't worked out well,
You've had yourself a lot of fun, but you lost the P.T.L
Well only you know, Jimmy, why you do the things you do,
But if you don't mind listenin', here's some advice for you

     Keep it in your pants, Jimmy, get down and praise the Lord
     You can't be pullin' out that thing whenever you get bored
     Keep it in your pants, Jimmy, get on your knees and pray
     And when you get a woody, take it home to Tammy Faye

Well, Jim, we know that you think you deserve a second chance,
But how can we believe you with that big bulge in your pants
You've had us send you money to help fulfill your dreams
But how were we to know what you were dreamin' was obscene?

Well you said, "Come out to Heritage: you can pray and you can shop",
But how were we to know we had to bring a wife to swap?
Well you say that you are sorry, that your sinnin' days are through
Well there's just one way to prove it, here's what you've gotta do

     Keep it in your pants, Jimmy, get down and praise the Lord
     You can't be pullin' out that thing whenever you get bored
     Keep it in your pants, Jimmy, get on your knees and pray
     And when you get a woody, take it home to Tammy Faye

Well Jim we're gonna miss you and your ever-weepin' wife,
Did she really put her make-up on with a putty knife?
We know that your unhappy and you think that you're a flop
But who knows maybe someday we'll see you back on top
(Well that's how this whole thing got started!)

     Keep it in your pants, Jimmy, get down and praise the Lord
     You can't be pullin' out that thing whenever you get bored
     Keep it in your pants, Jimmy, and mend your evil ways,
     The next time you climb into bed, make sure it's Tammy Faye's

     Keep it in your pants, Jimmy, get down and praise the Lord
     You can't be pullin' out that thing whenever you get bored
     Keep it in your pants, Jimmy, get on your knees and pray
     And when you get a woody, take it home to Tammy Faye

     Keep it in your pants, Jimmy, and mend your evil ways,
     The next time you climb into bed, make sure it's Tammy Faye's
     Keep it in your pants, Jimmy, get on your knees and pray
     And when you get a woody, take it home to Tammy Faye-aye-aye

                                                          Amen!


                       JIM DARE :  jdare@math.rutgers.edu
A socialist, anti-family [putz] encouraging women to leave their husbands, kill
their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

               ("I just can't get these damn wrists to bleed!")
               (                         --Alice Cooper       )
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               (           Gibby Haynes for President!        )
Newsgroups: rec.humor