Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: maryb@cix.compulink.co.uk (Mary Branscombe)
Subject: Re: The Difference Injure..
Reply-To: maryb@cix.compulink.co.uk
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 22:09:00 +0000


The Polymath says things to the effect that ..if you're bigger and 
get bullied...
>it does make it less intimidating and easier to ignore.
Does it? You can still be insecure and unhappy however you look or 
however tall you are. If you're big enough to frighten them, people 
may not pick on you because they are afraid of you, or they may have 
a go at you for the challenge of it. They may be less likely to hit 
you or less likely to get away with it, but physical intimidation and 
verbal harrassment aren't the same.Being big or strong *physically* 
doesn't maek it easier when someone is nasty does it? It still hurts 
if you have feelings.. If you're strong and happy mentally, you may 
find it easeir to shrug off, but don't forget that this is an 
*attack* on Taldin and how he lives his life.
If you can live with it, keeping your head down and ignoring them as 
unhappy people may help. On the other hand, if it's safe to respond 
then it can feel really good to let them know what you feel. A couple 
of years ago, I was on a train coming back from a job interview, in 
the sort of suit I don't often wear.A tramp (elderly, untidy and 
drinking out of a lager can) sat down opposite me and proceeded to 
tell me that he could see down my blouse and so on.I was upset but I 
was also angry - for the first time when anything liek this had 
happened I was in public with lot's of people and I didn't have to be 
placatory to get away. I wanted to let him know just how I felt and 
not let him get away with it so I hit the roof. I shouted at him, I 
told him to go away, that he was a dirty old man, that he had *no 
right* to act like that or to say things like that. I told him to 
leave me alone or else, that I was going to find the guard to 
complain about him. I think I also said "people like you should be 
castrated" because I was upset, rather than because I view it as a 
solution ! ;-)
He started to fluster and try to speak but I got up and walked away 
to look for the guard, telling the people in the next seat what was 
happening. I couldn't find a guard, so I took a seat in another 
carriage and went back to my newspaper. He followed me in there and I 
told him to go away - and he apologised. He said he was sorry, he 
hadn't meant to upset me. He backed down. I replied that it was a 
stupid thing to say and he said he was sorry again, so I said" Good. 
Now go away" and he did. I was upset, but *damn it* I told him how I 
felt and it got through. *He* backed off. I feel good (and angry of 
course) about that.
I'd still have done it no matter how big he was, I think, but not if 
it had been a lonely bus stop or he had a knife or something. It's 
not always the solution. But if it's safe, having your say can make 
you feel better about a violation of your space (which is what taunts 
and attacks are). May not help if they don't react well, but just 
standing up for yourself can sometimes help. But - don't get hurt. 
Look after yourself. And don't let the b*stards grind you down.Maybe 
they'll grow up one day. Maybe you're inspiring others. Maybe you'd 
like a hug?
mary 
apprentice potter
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| Ommmmmm, said the lift                    |maryb@cix.compulink.co.uk |
| Organisation: Me? You're joking, right?   |maryb@cix.compulink.uucp  |
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