From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Subject: Re: Flirting (was Re: Nice Guys?)
Reply-To: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Organization: BNR Europe Limited, London Road, Harlow, Essex, GB
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 18:52:55 GMT

In the referenced article "Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz" <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:
>Excerpts from netnews.alt.sex: 6-Oct-92 Re: Nice Guys? by Stewart
>Tansley@bnr.co.u 
>> >Since when does "flirting" make a girl a "slut"?
>>  
>> It makes a woman seem like a (mild) slut to me -- especially if I happen to
>> like/love her at the time.
>
>Question. If your wife is flirting with you, are you going to see her as
>a mild slut? You're the only one she flirts with. You'd still see her as
>a mild slut? I'm not sure I understand why you think this way. (I don't
>know whether you have a wife or not. If not, then it's hypothetical.)A

Probably because I'm screwed up! :-) I agree with you though -- sure, there
are times when flirting is great and times when it stinks. I think I
remember the latter times more than the former though. Sometimes it stinks
because the flirter is doing it in a nasty way (you might say: not true
flirting), other times it stinks because I don't want to be flirted with,
usually because I really want to be taken romantically seriously.

The point I was lazy to make, as many forget in this group, was the word
"sometimes". Sorry.

>> I especially dislike the occasional woman who flirts with me when I 
>> fancy them like crazy & they are just playing games. Bad news city.
>
>Isn't playing games different from flirting? I always thought so. Is there
>the possibility that some of the women who've flirted with you in the 
>past didn't know that you fancied them so much?

I think this highlights a word-usage difference -- some folks, like you,
by describing an interaction as 'flirting' will implicitly mean it to
cover what I would call 'nice flirting' -- you'd never use flirting for
some non-positive interaction; you'd use a different word. Folks like me,
on the other hand, include 'nasty "flirting"' in that behaviour we
term 'flirting'. Your usage of the word is more precise, but I'm not
sure if it's more accurate than mine -- the dictionary definition is
neutral in this respect. "Words misunderstood"?

I think your final point is probably correct -- but that's women for ya! ;-)

>
>I am often oblivious to flirting, others and my own. It wasn't until 
>people pointed out the 'actions' that they perceived as flirting that
>I was able to evaluate what flirting was and tone it down on my part.
>Are you sure the women who were flirting with you all knew what they
>were doing? I know this sounds kind of dumb, but some people really do
>not know what actions of theirs are perceived as flirting.

I agree with you 100%.

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