From: SHW9126@ocvaxa.cc.oberlin.edu
Subject: "Freedom Returns to Net!!!!" (Harry Wurtz)
Reply-To: SHW9126@ocvaxa.cc.oberlin.edu
Organization: The Internet
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 00:34:38 GMT

	In face of the withering opposition on the net to my rules for proper
usage, I hereby repeal, abscond, and revoke my "Rules for enjoying Phishnet." I
would like to acknowledge some of the more scintillating arguments: I am
indebted particularly to "Phunky pup," whose acute observations helped clarify
for me the absurdity of my Rule #1 (banning humor and phun) in two ways:
(1)      His prescient observation that opposing humor on phish.net is like
"pissing into a hurricane." Obviously, the image here is of a "hurricane" of
humor and jokes, reducing any phish.net reader to a state of tearful, laughing
agony. An example might be one of "Phunky's" very own little gems of comedy:
the masterful tour-de-force in which he cleverly mocks Madonna, and then
titilattingly describes his laugh-inspiring dog with a bra on its head. I can't
do justice to this masterpiece, (it's in Digest #568) but it helps me realize:
Who am I to oppose the impending onslaught of hilarity?
(2)     Phunky's adroit and expert refutation of rule #1:
 
|*personally* I do not believe that your rule #1 is conducive to enjoying a good
|shit.

        At first I though that perhaps "Phunky" was taking the rule out of
context, but I realized my error. If a rule for using a computer network
doesn't also function as a guideline for defecation, it probably is worthless.
My rule, by transgressing this important axiom, is not only unfair to comedians,
but is also useless by objective standards.
        So, in light of this overwhelming evidence, rule #1 (along with all the
others) is repealed. Phunky, (and other krazy geniuses of his ilk) may you
again grace us with your sublime wit. Let the walls of computer centers across
the country echo with the sounds of laughter! Although I myself couldn't come
up with anything on par with the phish.net humor standards, I will, just to
prove that I am in the spirit of the "great humor revival," include something
that never fails to elicit a guffaw or two. It is the cartoon "Garfield," drawn
by Jim Davis. I will describe the strip from 10/31, as it is particularly
phunny, I think.
        In frame one, Jon (Garfield's owner) is wearing a grotesque Halloween
mask. Garfield points at him and says: "You can't fool me, Jon! I know that's
you!"
        In frame two, Garfield grabs the nose of the mask and pulls, and the
head ACTUALLY COMES OFF THE BODY, as Garfield screams in fear: "YAAAH!" The
visual effect alone is funny enough, but there is a perfect resolution.
        In frame three, we only see Garfield's feet, (He has passed out from
fear and shock) and Jim appears peeking out from below his shirt and says:
"Gotcha." Pretty good, huh?
        I also appreciate the feedback of those of you who so forcefully and
convincingly espoused the philosophy of "freedom of speech," the "right to one's
own opinion," etc. I was a little mixed up here, I guess. Special thanks to
Matt Heller and, again, "Phunky pup," who exhibted their amazing knack for
the intricacies of computernet ethics. I'm sure you guys could get published
in a more prestigious medium than phish.net.
        Now that freedom has again been restored to this valuable network, (and
posts on the phish.net are not tyrannically restricted to phish) I can use this
chance to ask if any of you "glides" knows about lawnmowers. I have a 1983
Snappy 250, and the blade always gets clogged with grass when I mow my lawn.
Does this happen to anyone else? I would appreciate a response and discussion
of how to get the maximum utility out of mowers, preferably salted with some
good, hearty jokes, puns, and spoonerisms. After all, why not make an otherwise
serious discussion hilariously funny?
 
                                        Risibly, Harry Wurtz