From: Anonymous posting <margoli@watson.ibm.com>
Subject: Re: Various ramblings...
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 15:30:54 GMT
Reply-To: margoli@watson.ibm.com
Disclaimer: This posting represents the poster's views, not necessarily those of IBM
Organization: The Village Waterbed

The following is posted for someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Larry Margolis, MARGOLI@YKTVMV (Bitnet), margoli@watson.IBM.com (Internet)

- - - - - - - - -

I've been reading the posts of several men about how difficult it is to begin
dating women when they have little/no experience.

I don't want to be mean, but it really bothers me to see these men act as if
they had some severe deformity such that no-woman would ever want to be
involved with them.  They are guaranteeing their own failure by acting in
this manner and keeping themselves (and someone else) from being happy.

I just became involved with someone who might easily have turned out to be
a hermit or recluse like the men who talk about not finding girlfriends.

From our conversations, I've learned that my SO was a pretty shy person as a
boy/teenager.  He was bookish/geeky and was either ignored or mistreated by
kids he went to school with.  He never dated in college or graduate school
because "girls didn't want to go out with guys like [him]"  which I guess
means that girls he went to school with preferred "jocks" or "studs" rather
than average-looking guys with intelligence. It also seems he didn't have
any/many female friends until graduate school.

My SO's first relationship (which was not until he was 28 and out of graduate
school), was with a woman he met on the net.  They lived on opposite coasts
and saw each other only on vacations.  She broke up with him after a year or
so.  He dated one other person who he met through a friend, and then he met
me.

He's become a fairly social person, though his activities generally revolve
around hanging out with friends he's made through the net or work, and things
like science fiction conventions.  His musical tastes are eclectic, but he
likes some more popular types of music (rock, etc.) and likes to dance.
He's still fairly quiet though and doesn not seem to be the type who would
generally call attention to himself by being loud or showing off.  It took
a couple trys to find a subject we could talk about, but I found that he
had many neat and interesting things to say.  And he's very funny (which is
probably the quality I look for most), so we got along very well from the
start almost.

I've had many relationships (more than 10 ranging from months to 2+ yrs long).
Still I've found, that my SO has learned a great deal about people and
relationships just by being friends with people and by observing people.
He's emotionally strong and mature.  He's also patient and takes a great deal
of care to make sure we understand each other (which can often be difficult
due to our different backgrounds).  It is these things that make him very
special and important to me.

So I guess in conclusion, what I want to say is this.  I believe that making
yourself more interesting, learning to talk comfortably with people, and being
willing to place yourself in situations where you will meet people who share
your interests (no matter how weird your interests may seem), will get your
foot in the door and start you on the road to relationships.  Once you've
achieved that, you can begin to study, wonder, worry, and work towards being
successful in relationships (i.e. marrying, etc).  But you gotta learn to
walk before you can run.  And you have to stop being afraid of falling each
time you take a step, because falling is a natural and generally ineveitable
thing (that won't seem like such a big deal once you learn to get up).

Good luck,

soc.singler-ette
Newsgroups: soc.singles