From: jthorpe1@cc.swarthmore.edu (jere7my tho?rpe)
Newsgroups: alt.music.filk
Subject: Re: Redone Lucasfilm Pie filk.
Date: 27 Jan 93 22:30:08 GMT
Followup-To: alt.music.filk
Organization: SWIL

In article <rsvanc00.728103290@mik.uky.edu>, rsvanc00@nx38.mik.uky.edu
(Randolph S. Vance) wrote:

> I read the song earlier this morning, then I noticed all the errors.
> 
> I tried to do as best a job as I could correcting them, with all due
> respect to the original author. Here goes.

Hi. Original author here.  I don't mean to harp, but I did ask you to
ignore any errors I _intentionally_ made to make the song work.  I ask that
Randolph Vance's version _not_ be used (and certainly not attributed to
him) at any filksings, because he made a number of substitutions which add
a large amount of awkwardness to the song, as I will enumerate.  If you
care about such things, know that I, the author, endorse only the original
version (and such subsequent versions as are approved by me before
posting).

> And they were singin',
> 	"Bye-bye, Lando's town in the sky."
> 	They left although they had a broken-down hyperdrive.
> 	And Boba Fett flew off with Han in Slave,
> 	They'd be gone 'til "Return of the Jedi",
> 		Gone 'til "Return of the Jedi". 

ACTUAL: "And Boba Fett flew off with Han in Slave I,"

As you no doubt know, Boba Fett's ship was Slave One, or Slave I.  This
line was an _intentional_ joke--the line looks like it should rhyme, but it
actually doesn't.  Ha ha.

> He was singin',
> 	"Bye-bye to the little green guy."
> 	He trained Obi-Wan and Skywalker to be Jedi.

ACTUAL: "He trained Vader and Kenobi and Luke to be Jedi."

The replacement obviously doesn't fit the meter--granted, Ben trained
Vader, but it sounds a good deal better the original way.

> And the three Jedi admired the most,
> Yoda, Ben and Anakin's ghost,
> They all glowed blue and raised a toast
> The day Darth Vader died. 

ACTUAL: "And the three Jedi admired most--
         Yoda, Ben and Vader's ghost--
         They all glowed blue and raised a toast
         The day Darth Vader died."

"The three Jedi admired most" is perfectly grammatical--"admired most" is a
fine participial phrase, with "who were" assumed.  The substitution doesn't
fit the meter.  Furthermore, "Anakin's ghost" doesn't fit the meter
either--it is more correct, but "Vader's ghost" sounds a lot better.  (E.g.
"Father, Son and Holy Ghost" from the original.)  Finally, using long
hyphens to set apart an appositive phrase is an accepted technique.

>And we were singin',
>(faster)
>Bye-bye "Return of the Jedi",
>....
>
>(slower)
>Now we were singin,
>Bye-bye "Return of the Jedi",
>....

In the original song, the repetition of the final chorus is up tempo from
the penultimate chorus, not vice-versa.  And, finally, "Now we were
singin'" should read "Now we _are_ singin'", because, obviously, when
people sing this song they will be singing it, and won't have been singing
it.  OK?

Also, please do not add exclamation points where they don't belong.  I try
to use them exceedingly sparingly, because they look stupid!  (See?)  I do
not mind constructive criticism, but I would prefer you send _suggestions_
to me personally, instead of posting a new version of the song without
consulting me.  Please use only the original song, unedited, for whatever
purposes you see fit (which include, so far as I'm concerned, photocopying,
re-posting, singing, etc. but which Don McLean might not approve of). 
Thank you.  And sorry I sound like such a schmuck (and sorry I'm wasting
bandwidth), but this bugged me a bit.    

         ----jere7my