From: ml5a+@andrew.cmu.edu (Mark Beirne Lively)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: me...
Date: 14 Apr 92 04:32:06 GMT
Organization: Freshman, Mechanical Engineering, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA


	Bear stands up form the abortion discussion.  And then walks into the
bar.  Everyone stares at him.  They know that there is something which
is subtley different.  something small but discernable.  Then they see
his eyes.  Eyes which always seem to laugh, deep gentle laughs even when
his face paints a angry image the eyes held a gentle.  Now they are
blank.  except for a slight silver glint in one corner.  Bear walks over
to mike who hands him a large glass of water.  Bear then walks over to
the line and gazes intently into the fire is a large silver tear rolls
down his cheek.  The water quickly disappears adn then the glass gets
raised and then seemingly a dozen but only one voice says,"To us, Mark
Beirne Lively Jr.,"  the glass is thrown again and again.  the single
glass flies repeatedly throught the air and crashes and explodes agian
and again in the fire.  And then Bear himself shatters.  Bear casts a
long hard look at the piano and Fast Eddie quickly gets out of the way
realizing that Blackjack or no,if he doens't let Bear by he'll do a
couple of bounces before he skids to a halt.  Bear pats him on the back
a couple of times and whispers a weak "thanks"  Bear then sits his heavy
form down at the piano while a tall boney eight year old who seems to
resemble him stands on the bench beside him assorting pages, and a very
nervous young man nearl;y 6' and very chubby but barely 12 stands by the
piano in darks slacks witha pale blue sweater, and on the sweater the
words "Martin Luther King Junior, Junior High School chorus"(no typo)
can be seen.  He looks very nervous and frightened.  While still another
version of Bear stands by the fireplace narrating.
	The bear at the piano plays a bit of music.  Beethovens ninth, except
it is played slowly sadly mournfully.  Narrating, "there is nothing like
the piano for emotional release no instament on the face of the planet
even come close except perhaps drums.  Organ for power and piano for
feeling"
	At the piano "Shut up and lets get on with it."
	"Okay welcome to a tour of my mind and why I am me.  I have known abotu
myself for a long time but it was always just thereOnly recently have I
started to wonder why  I am like I am.  Thank you Spacey."  The narrator
starts to cry and at the Piano Bear starts playing "Piano Man" by Billy
Joel.  While being accompanied singing by the other him

Its eight o clock on a satuday
and the regular crowd shuffles in
theres an Old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonics and Gin
He says Son can you paly me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it was sad it sweet and I know it complete
When I wore a youngfer mans clothes

At this point Bear stops singing while the piano plays softly in the
back and he pushes the narrator from in fornt of the fireplace.  "Right
now, as you see me I am at a critical juncture, or I was when I was like
this."  He says looking down at himself realizing how fat he was.  Then
the eight year old walks over and pats him on the back and tells him to
go sit down
	"See that period in my life 7th grade and 8th grade was a total living
hell for me.  See I had no friends and I was the perfect target.  They
couldn't ask for anyhting better.  First of all I was bigger than they
were, although I had never done anything to them, jsut the chance to get
at someone larger was more than enough incentive for most people.  <Then
i was smarter with out even working at it.  The nerdiest of the nerds. 
Then came the glasses from several years before which didn't help. 
Finally came the fact that I had been told constantly throughout my life
to watch out for smaller people and be carefull.  I am very clumsy and
very hyper at least I was...  I had been lectured and told to watch out
and be carefull so much that I could not fight back.  I made myself
positively ill trying to get myself to fight back but i had been so
engrained with be nice and don't hit that I couldn't i physically could
not hit someone.  Even today i still carry that with me.  I can grab,
hold, throw, kick, and probably even shoot, or stab but to clench my
fist and strike someone is next to impossible."
	All of them join in singign the chorus.
They say sing us a song you're the pinao man
sing us a song tonight
We're in the mood for a melody
And you've can make us feel right.
	"Verse three"  The bear at the piano says
Mike at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free("not a chance" Mike adds and for the
firsxst time they smile)
He's quick with a joke or a light up your smoke
but there's some place that he'ld rather be
He said son this place is killing me
as the smile ran awaay form his face.
I know that I could be amovie star 
If i could get out of this place.
	The narrating Bears finger traces a box in the air which forms an
X-window.  "Here is jsut a sampling, most of it I have thank whoever you
wnat have forgotten,"  the window then shows a picture of the 12 year
old bear in goofy clothes with glasses on surrounded by a half dozen
people hitting him and screaming names at him with him just cowering
down.  Then to shot of a classroom with large powertool and bear leaning
over a desk writing while a short sligthy fat black girl beats the shit
out of his head with a text book, cut to a residential neighborhood
where he is being harrassed and beaten by yet another person who is a
couple of years older but quite a bit shorter while other jsut stand by
and laugh.  The narrator pauses a bit to regain his composure adn the
X-window is filled with wild shapes and colors loud pounding music. 
guns firng off, clips of movies and TV spinning around  Music of every
description swithcing backand forthin a mindnumbing cacophony.  The
Bears grab their collectives heads and Mike hands him a glass of cold
soda.. Which he drinks down and contiues.  
	"I had only one option.  Run..."  THe window then shows him plowing
through the group harrassign him.  Just turning and running off alone to
sit down huddled in a fetal position.  He runs away form the black girl
to the same place.  At the bus stop he runs home.  "But you can't run
from names and you can't hide forever.  Evne when I was alone these same
images palyed over and over and over agian in my mind.  The only time I
was safe was in the land of dreams even there I am not sure if I was
completely safe.  Naturally my parents worried about me, but there was
nothing that theyt could do.  They could only protect me for so long. 
They tried some therapy but it was too late.  That only works if you
want it too.  And i did not.  I had to be bribed to go.  Evne then i did
not cooperate much.  I had already been shattered and broken mentally, i
was not even a shade of my former self.  I was no long a niave little
child" Jsut then the eight year old dissapears and the Bear at the paino
says,"Now who's going to turn pages, he one of the only one of you worth
a lick of salt."  Jsut then out of a dark black fog strode in Bear in
dark black armor shiny and merciless but with the smile back in his eyes.
	THe other Bears vanished and the news Bear sat down at teh piano"I am
who you have know all this time, the people who were jsut here are me
also.  We are one whole united adn yet separate.  All of us are teh same
person but each separate.  Look at what we are, a mixture of everythign
on face of this planet and beyond, we are cynical and trusting, a lover,
fighter, poet, priest.  We feel joy and sorrow beyond measure and hear
the world cry out in pain.  We feel the joy of the birth of spring and
hear the jubilent voice of teh ground in the first thaw.  We have never
been one person since that time and never shall be again."
	"Do not feel sorry for us.  That is jsut the way we are. And I wouldn't
have it any other way."

"Mankind's primary responsibility consists of saying 'Go to Hell!' to
whomever they feel like and whenever they feel like."
Bear aka the Lord High Rulebender aka (ml5a@andrew.cmu.edu)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans