From: vxv4@po.cwru.edu (Virgilio Velasco)
Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian
Subject: Re: Go ahead and Mix (was Re: Dating...Believers and Non)
Date: 21 Jul 92 07:23:28 GMT
Reply-To: vxv4@po.cwru.edu (Virgilio Velasco)
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)

In a previous article, rpitts@emperor.gatech.edu (Richard Pitts) says:

>Now let us look at dating.  Isn't one of the purposes, if not the purpose, of
>dating to find a marriage partner - well, I understand that one can
>date just to be friends, but why date and if we are honest, one is really
>looking for some with which they would like to have at least a longer 
>relationship.  

He also says:

>An alternate example.  The mother of a child in my Sunday School Class 
>told me when she married her husband was not a Christian and that
>it was very tough.  From what I can tell, she would not recommend it.
>He is a Christian now, but Paul tells us that we don't know if we will
>be able to win over an unbelieving spouse.  Much less he tells us via a
>command that we are not to be unequally yoked.  Would your father
>recommend dating and marrying a non-believer?

Allow me to expand on Richard's comments, and to add my own observations.
Time and again, I have known Christian women who have dated non-believers.
(For some reason, this was seldom true of Christian men.  Why?  Perhaps
because they had more opportunities to explore.  Anyway, I'd rather not
speculate too much.)  They always said that they were hoping to convert
their dates.  They always failed, and I think I know why.  

	For one thing, they may have been so caught up in the relationship 
that they neglected to evangelize.  I can readily believe this.

	Second, many of them were doubtlessly afraid of losing their  
boyfriends if they pressed too hard in presenting the gospel of Christ.
Their desire for earthly love overshadowed their concern for their
boyfriends' salvation.
 
	Third, the men would often claim to accept Christ, even though
their conversions were false.  Perhaps they had convinced themselves
that they had repented, or perhaps they were lying outright.  Whatever
the case, the men were never truly won over.

	Fourth, even if the men would not accept Christ, they would
often accompany the women to Bible study meetings, Church meetings and
the like.  As a result, it became easy for these otherwise-fine
Christian ladies to believe that the men were truly converted, even
though the men never voiced such sentiments.

	(I apologize for always using women in these examples.  No
flames please!  I realize that these situations also apply to men.  It's
just that I have almost never seen men in such situations.  Please
understand that I'm only voicing my experiences.)

	By dating someone, you're putting yourself in a spiritually
vulnerable state.  Believe me, it's not worth the risk!  If you are
truly concerned about that person's salvation, you will not let romance
cloud your perceptions.  Befriend him or her if you want, but don't fall
into this romantic trap.

-- 
Virgilio "Dean" Velasco Jr., grad student & roboticist-in-training, CWRU

"If God does not judge the United States, then He owes |    My boss is a 
 an apology to Sodom and Gomorrah."   - Billy Graham   |  Jewish carpenter.

[Most people I've read who deal with relationships between the sexes
advise that it's a terrible idea to go into a relationship hoping to
remake the other party.  Your priority needs to be coming to
understand and accept them.  Combining this with trying to convert
them is probably not impossible -- a saint could surely do the
necessary balancing act.  But for the typical adolescent or young
adult who is just getting experience with relationships, it strikes me
as calling for a level of skill that is probably not there.  I do not
doubt that people do end up converting their spouse.  But "missionary
dating" seems to me a combination that is asking for trouble.

--clh]