From: guest@chopin.Physics.McGill.CA (Muhep Guest account)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: The Definitive STAR TREK Parody Chapter 11 (DS9)
Keywords: Parody, DS9
Date: 23 Jan 93 02:03:03 GMT
Organization: SOCS, McGill University, Montreal, Canada


                     The Definitive STAR TREK Parody

                                Chapter 11

                                 Busted!

Picard was not pleased whe he noticed that O'Brien had been wearing a
Lieutenant's uniform when he was supposed to be a Chief Petty Officer.
Picard called him into his office and demanded an explanation, an
explanation that O'Brien was happy to give.  It was, however, an expla-
nation that Picard found unacceptable, namely that it was just a joke.
O'Brien considered telling Picard that Riker was in on it (this was
true in so far as when Riker first noticed that O'Brien's uniform had
two solid pips where it should have had a single hollow pip he merely
smirked and nodded at him and as Riker had jokingly referred to O'Brien
as "Lieutenant" on occasion -- when Picard wasn't around, of course),
but dismissed the idea, preferring instead to face alone whatever
disciplinary measures Picard would see fit under the circumstances.
The measures in question turned out to be quite harsh: O'Brien was to be
transferred from the Enterprise as soon as a suitable position was
found.

That position turned out to be that of Chief Operations Officer at Deep
Space Nine, an abandoned Cardassian base orbiting Bajora, now being
administered by the Federation.  Deep Space Nine, that was it: no more
voyages, no more Starship Enterprise, no more going around boldly, more
like hoping against hope that the Cardassians don't decide to blow you
up and blame it on the Bajorans -- or vice versa.

Keiko was not pleased.  One look at their quarters convinced her to take
their daughter Molly and go spend some time with her parents.
Apparently they were interior decorators familiar with Cardassian
architecture.

O'Brien wasn't a happy camper either and not just as a result of the
decor.  Initially, he thought he was just directing his frustrations at
an authority figure but certain events had him firmly convinced that
Commander Sisko was the least intelligent person he's ever served under,
quite a distinction after having served under first Captain Maxwell then
Commander Riker.  The first indication was that Sisko would actually
*prevent* a Ferengi from leaving the station; then there was the time
when Sisko fell for the old "We can see into the future so you might as
well tell us everything you know" trick as he was being interregated by
the beings who built the wormhole (a "tear" in the fabric of space
through which a ship could travel to unexplored space) that had been
found nearby.

O'Brien wasn't happy being around Cardassians, Bajorans and Ferengi.
"Am I a racist?" he would ask himself.  His dislike for Cardassians was
understandable having fought against them in the Federation/Cardassian
war.  As for Bajorans and Ferengi, he'd met enough representatives of
both races while serving aboard the Enterprise for him to have an
opinion.  The fact is, as far as O'Brien was concerned, he'd met enough
Bajorans and Ferengi *period*.

As if this wasn't enough cause for cynacism on his part, Q arrived.
O'Brien's first instinct when he saw Q was to go hide somewhere but,
alas, Q recognized him and assaulted him with a barrage of lame
transporter jokes.  If that wasn't enough, Q ruined four good uniforms,
that of Commander Sisko, Science Officer Dax, Medical Officer Bashir
and himself by having labels with the number four on a white circular
background put on them.  Q found this quite amusing but O'Brien, for the
life of him, didn't get it.

Meanwhile, Keiko returned, eager to redecorate.  One of the things that
she found unacceptable about their quarters was the fact that there was
no sonic shower and, as O'Brien had explained, the equipment needed to
build one was not available on "this God-foresaken hell-hole".  Keiko's
idea was to, instead, install a shower that used the old-fashioned
principle of running water.  O'Brien found this amusing ("Let me get
this straight: for the sake of convenience, you're going to bombard
yourself with water everyday?") but Keiko insisted.  This left O'Brien
little choice; after all, he had been ... without his wife for several
weeks.  Together, the two of them installed it and Keiko was ready
(very ready -- PWEW!) to try it out.

O'Brien meanwhile, needed to take a nap: this station, it's crew, it's
residents, Q and Keiko all served to wear him out.  He went to bed and,
no sooner had his head hit the pillow, went off to sleep.

NEXT: "The Star of Death"

Martin Phipps
SCAVIE AWARD WINNER
LOULA@hep.physics.mcgill.ca