From: heim@vms.macc.wisc.edu (JOHN HEIM	)
Subject: Re: Alt.personals.funny.2
Organization:  University of Wisconsin Academic Computing Center
Date: 19 AUG 92 10:26:40    

In article <hoconnel.714209499@adelphi>, hoconnel@physics.adelaide.edu.au (Heath O'Connell) writes...

> 
>Newsgroups: alt.personals.ads
>Subject: The man that will change your life, babe
> 
>ollege graduate, 29, I'm trying to expand my network of beautiful
>female friends all around the US.  I often rent a car and travel
>around the country, so I would like to have along my path
>women I can cuddle with for the night.
>It isn't that I can't stop at a bar and pick up someone - I'm always
>successful because I'm attractive (5' 6'', 229 lb., brown hair, and
>bomber jacket) - but that always takes time and money.  I'm not
>cheap, but at the same time I have enough experience to realize I
>don't get anywhere with spending for dinner or silly things like
>flowers (women either like me for myself, or they don't and it's
>money spent for nothing).
>I know how to treat a LADY and that's because I know what she
>wants (and I'm very good at it, I might add).  So send your applications
>now !
>Oh, and what I look for in a woman:
>She doesn't have to look exactly like the girls in Hustler, High Society,
>or Penthouse, but she has to be decently pretty (at least like in Women
>Over 40).  By the way, my preffered ages are 15 - 55.
>You have to be shorter than I am (when you're wearing high heels, which
>are a must), smart, full of life, sesitive and sensuous, funny, and always
>happy when we're together (and happy that *we are* together).  You
>will easily recognize my experience in life matters and (as it always
>happens), you will take my advice, which will help you improve those
>areas of your life you're struggling with now.  In return for this I
>expect you won't be boring me with stories about shopping, fashion,
>kids, or the sort.  I am a very cool person, but even a calm person like
>me gets angry sometimes, so take my advice.
>One more thing, you have to be a football fan and willing to become a
>fan of the New York Jets.  If you like football, we'll have a lot to talk
>about !   Even more brownies for you if you like beer:  on a beautiful
>Monday night, when the sun is kissing the horizon, there's a slight breeze
>that makes trees sing old, quiet songs, and far away clouds slowly
>change their shapes, we could get together for the game, and go for Buds
>to the fridge when they don't have those great beer commercials with
>beautiful LADIES wearing fashion short jeans.
>So don't waste any time and answer back if you want me to put you on
>my list.  I'll have this address for only four more days, so don't miss
>this unique opportunity !
> 
> 
>I love you already (I swear),
>Ekoj
> 
>PS  Kisses, kisses.
>Ekoj

Whoever posted this stole my joke.  I was gonna post a phony ad in 
alt.personals so that someone would copy it to t.b but then I decided 
that would be just too carasso.  So I didn't.

Okay, so which t.b regular is the culprit?  Not Roger, certainly - 
much to subtle.  (I'm also wondering what his/her next move is.)

John G. Heim                                 Email:  heim@macc.wisc.edu

"If there's something wrong with the computer, its sophisticated diagnostics 
will notify you of the situation by assuming an appearance that, for the most
part, is dark and lifeless." - The Adventures of Lone Wolf Scientific
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre