From: cairnss@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Launcelot Gobbo)
Subject: thanatos seduce me in the morning of my dream
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 04:07:01 GMT

 Sing to me. Sing me to sleep.  I don't want to be here. I don't want to
say this. I don't want to stand for these things.  I cannot stand to 
look into your dead eyes anymore.  Everywhere the dead eyes stare. They
are the dead eyes of my world.  How can I express how deeply sad I 
have become.  How can I look into the mirror and stand my own dead eyes.
I look to anything, anyone to take the pain away.  You always leave me 
kneeling in a pool of my own blood.  Should i turn to politics, science,
or religion...would you dare to be my savior, you're always so interested
in your death.  You're always so interested in me. DON'T STUDY ME.  Why
do you continue to read?  You want to live. You wanted this. You made it.
Your pultry interest in death makes me laugh...you have never been alive.
So now with these educated, sophisticated, descacrated eyes I must walk 
the streets in the wide city nights wondering how i could ever let myself
feel the depths of my loneliness this way, i cannot even forget myself in the
misdeeds of carnal play.  And i am forced to watch you all, in your nice
little world all snug and safe in the nuclear age, not even daring to love,
infinitely disconnected to the air i must breath to live.  Your fantasy of
suicide is like a droll dream in a fuzzy drugged brain, in a world that is dying
slowly believing in mass media, fucking computers, and worshipping velvet
Jesus'.  This is the dead sea scroll of my life.  You are already reading
my long forgotten words. You have been here a thousand times before.  You want to die.You are so selfish, as if you could find love... and never give love.
My love, MY love, dare you to die and leave me here behind? I watched you
die...and you left me here behind holding your dead child in my empty arms.  
The universe, she whispers to your dead mind...DIE BEFORE YOU DIE. You have
been here before.  DO NOT DOUBT.  You came here to find out what you already
know. Why leave now---Afterall you chose this.  You chose. This world from
you your smile will rob.  Do not make yourself a reflection of it with
your tears...It is only that you are filled with fears.  This world forgets the simplest thing, and the best, LOVE--"like a screaming flower"LOVE find me
in the highest tower-LOve -do not wait for the final hour--LOVE....And If
I who am stricken, If i who am already dead, and infinitely betrayed--
If I cannot learn to walk again then this world we have chosen, and created
of our collective wombs....is truly dead and we with it. I beg of you on my
knees like christ do not let me die this way of no love.......Sing to me. Sing
me to sleep. There's a better world...I'd be glad to go...Set me free.  Sing
to me. Sing me to sleep.
knees like christ do not leave me here to die this way of no love...
-- 
         %            I am the shadow child of my world.          % 
        %                 cairnss@ucsu.Colorado.EDU                %
       %    F1V]D('-A=F4@=&AE(%%U965N+"!';V0@8FQE<W,@=7,@06QL+@I    %
 
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