From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy)
Subject: blind dates...
Followup-To: t.b.
Summary: my friend sent this to me so piss off if you want to flame me.
Keywords: puke
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 93 07:35:30 GMT


so, my friend sent this to me. it seems it was pretty well distributed
around microsoft so any of you dudes and dudettes there should hit 'n'
now. bye bye kids.

 WAYS TO GET RID OF BLIND DATES
	                (and other social catastrophes)
	
	
	 Repeat every third third word you say say.
	
	 Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for
	   your high school yearbook.
	
	 Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know
	   what they are talking about.
	
	 Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms
	    outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
	
	 Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well
	    in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.
	
	 Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from
	    their plate than they do.
	
	 Drool.
	
	 Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and
	    spray crumbs.
	
	 Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed
	    in front of you.
	
	 Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head
	    waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different
	    part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date
	    finally finds you, ask him/her "What in the hell took you so
	    long in the restroom?!?"

	 Suck your thumb.  When your date inquires you why you do so, act
	    like you've been caught doing something wrong and deny it by
	    saying, "What are you talking about?!?!"

	 Pick you nose, making it obvious, yet, act like you are doing it in a
	    sneaky manner.
	
	 Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their
	    plates.
	
	 Beg your date to tattoo your name on their butt. Keep
	    bringing the subject up.
	
	 Ask your date how much money they have with them.
	
	 Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the
	    windows, where you have a good view of all exits,
	    and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.
	
	 Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.
	
	 Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings
	    your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the
	    waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter
	    returns with another potato for you, have the first one back
	    up on the plate. Repeat later in the meal.
	
	 Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.
	
	 Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to
	    the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one
	    of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.
	
	 If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the
	    menu. Take one bite.
	
	 Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order
	    coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage
	    of the free refills.
	
	 Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.
	
	 Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.
	
	And, finally....
	
	 Tell her you're a computer programmer.
--
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre