From: BIOSEE@UKCC.UKY.EDU (Stephanie Edelmann)
Subject: Re: Biting :-(
Organization: University of Kentucky
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 21:42:46 GMT

In article <29454@oasys.dt.navy.mil>
dsegelho@oasys.dt.navy.mil (Diane Segelhorst) writes:
 
>
>Toddlers bite toddlers all the time, right?  Well, this time it was
>my son who was the biter :-(.  I'm not sure the daycare provider and
>I handled it right.  Let's talk about it, so if there's a repeat, we
>can handle it right this time.
>
>(As someone recently mentioned, I think part of a parent's role is to
>second guess yourself, and be full of self doubt as to whether you are
>doing things "right".)
>
>Brad (age 2 years 5 months) and Emily (same age) are best buddies.
>They have grown up almost like twins, since Brad has been going to the
>same daycare since he was 4 months old.  Brad tends to be the bossier
>one, but Emi tends to provoke Brad.
>
>They were sliding on the new Little Tykes slide gym in the other room,
>when Emi started howling.  Jane thought Emi told her that Brad hit her,
>but when she asked Brad if he hit Emi, he said No, he BIT her.  (At
>least he's honest about it!)  Jane spanked him (only one of about three
>spankings in his life!), made him apologize to Emi, and sent him to
>bed for his nap.  Emi did NOT have to go to bed for her nap (they usually
>nap together), but got to stay up for more cuddles and comforting.
>
>When I got there (and Jane told me what had happened) I asked Brad what
>happened.  He toldme he bit Emi, and he had to go Nite nite (I guess
>the spanking didn't make as big an impression as being sent to bed.)
>I emphasized that it was very bad to bite, that biting hurt people,
>and he should never ever bite anyone again.  When we got home, I made
>him tell Daddy what he had done that was bad.
>
>Now, I'm wondering if I made too big a deal over it.  Should I have
>just let Jane handle the incident, and not make a big deal over it?
> Does this "reward" the behavior with too much attention? How do you
>draw the line between emphasizing that a certain behavior is very bad,
>and should not be repeated, and "rewarding" the wrong sort of behavior
>by paying too much attention to it? What if it happens again :-(? I
>prefer to discipline with logical consequences - what is the logical
>consequence for biting?
>
Here's my 2 cents:  There is no logical consequence for biting.  However,
I think timeout is a proper response.  You separate the kid from its
friends because s/he cannot play nicely and is hurting people.
 
I personally would not spank, but then again, I have never spanked my
daughter because timeout seems to work just fine.
 
You mentioned sending Brad to bed as a punishment.  While I don't really
think that any of your reactions were MUCH to harsh, I have a problem
with using nap as punishment.  My husband sends our daughter to time-
out in her bed.  I have a real problem with that.  The bed should be a
place were kids like to go, feel cozy etc, how else can you ever leave
them alone in there when it's dark.  Won't they feel like they are
being punished when you put them to bed at night?
 
At Tatijana's daycare, they put the biter in timeout and give the
victim lots of TLC.  They also tech all children, to tell a child
that is about to bite: No, don't bite me and walk away.
 
Stephanie
 
>Diane Segelhorst
>dsegelho@oasys.dt.navy.mil