HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: dre@catnip.berkeley.ca.us (I would like to return this TOBACCONIST; it is scratched)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: idjits
Date: 8 Oct 92 16:15:14 GMT
Distribution: world,local
Organization: The San Jose Home for Perverted Hackers

jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:

+In article <1992Sep23.012126.1@violet.ccit.arizona.edu> f67700241@violet.ccit.arizona.edu (Greg Franklin) writes:

+>
+>!Peeve: He hasn't yet composed a banal "Jenny 867-5309" joke.

+Yes, thank God.  There are no words for how much I hate Tommy Two-Tone

+Peeve:  Having a name that shows up in a banal popsong so that whenever some
+drunk asshole meets you at a party he feels obligated to start crooning it 
+to you.

Your husband didn't buy you a big enough ring.

If you take one of the aforementioned assholes seriously, he will fix that.
-- 
"If I had killed her when I had first thought about getting divorced,
 I would have been out of jail by now."
	-- A newly-divorced guy I met at a block party
From: carolo@cse.ucsc.edu (Carol Osterbrock)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Japanese Tourists ate my building.
Date: 15 Oct 1992 17:02:54 GMT
Organization: University of California, Santa Cruz (CE/CIS Boards)
NNTP-Posting-Host: arapaho.ucsc.edu

In article <mhart.719167214@blackjack> mhart@blackjack.dt.navy.mil (Michael Hart) writes:
>In <92Oct15.153606.23253@acs.ucalgary.ca> parr@acs.ucalgary.ca (Charles Parr) writes:

>>In article <mhart.719148975@blackjack> mhart@blackjack.dt.navy.mil (Michael Hart) writes:

>>>I knew a Debbi once.  Loved her.  Little bitch broke my heart.

>>None of them had double jointed hips. Are double jointed hips as
>>interesting as I suspect they could be, Michael?

>[...] As a teaser, she could lay flat on her back, and
>put her feet flat on the wall behind her, one foot on each side of 
>her head.

Hey, I can do that, and I don't have double jointed hips.  And my
name's not Debbi, either.  Or Debbie.  What's the big deal?

-carol
-- 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
   Carol Osterbrock     | "Thou art a villain."
                        |       "You are--a senator."
  carolo@cse.ucsc.edu   |  -W. Shakespeare   (Some things never change)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: baldwin@carina.unm.edu (Chris Baldwin)
Subject: Re: Self-Assembly (was Caffeine and mornings)
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 92 00:27:34 GMT
Organization: Atheist for the Development of a Better God

In article <f-jpd7h@lynx.unm.edu> hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman) writes:
>Of course you can count
>me out if Chris would be standing to my left trying his best to whack
>me in the head with ejected shells. Had enough of that, thanks. 
>
>ObSoundEffects: Blam! <chink> "Ow!" "Heh heh heh..." "Fuck you."

Heh heh heh...2 bullseyes with one shot. 

-- 
"Hey, Guido! It's all so clear to me now. I'm the keeper of the cheese and
you're the lemon merchant. Getit? And he knows it! That's why he's gonna kill
us. So we gotta beat it. Yeah, before he lets loose the marmosets on us! - Ren
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: drieux@wetware.com (drieux, just drieux)
Subject: Feel Good Money
Organization: Castle WetWare Philosopher and Sniper
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 02:56:16 GMT

russ@bbx.basis.com (Russ Kepler) writes:
] In article <1992Oct13.064735.8289@usage.csd.unsw.OZ.AU> allane@earth.gas.unsw.OZ.AU writes:
] >PS. What do the German marks look like? They MUST come in pretty colours...
] >(which all real currencies do of course).
] 
] German marks are not all that colorful - for real color you have to go
] to the Netherlands.  Florescent colors, different for each denomination.

Also worth Noting is the fact that the Guilder 
come in DimensionallyAugmentFormat so that 
the OpticallyChallenged can perform TactileDataAcquisition
based upon the NonPlanarVariations that
denote DenominationalHierarchialism.


ciao
drieux


ps: someone has to update Geoof's List of Correct Terms.


-- 
Modern Day Problems:

ME? engage in Hyperbole?
I have rarely been more than a first Order Function!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl)
Subject: Re: Smarm alert!
Organization: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 15:03:44 GMT

In article <1992Oct14.075644.16124@sco.COM> charless@sco.COM (Charlie Stross) writes:

>in peevetown^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Halt.peeves who is getting sick of
>the remorseless cheerfulness which jennyg is smearing around our
>odious hole like honey around the opening to a wasp's nest.

Charlie, you inbred piece of cow dung.  Just because I haven't unleashed
the fire ants yet does NOT mean that I am smearing your louse infested
orifice in an attempt to sweeten it in any way.  Although I must admit,
I like the rancid odor of honey (or better yet treacle) as it blends with 
the assorted crust and excreta that has remained lodged in the crack of your 
ass since your mother stopped wiping it for you.

>
>This, I assert, is intolerable.  And it will not be stood for.
>Moreover, I will not stand for it.  In fact, I won't even sit
>still for it!
>

Who the fuck asked you to sit still for it.  Jesus, Charlie.  I'm glad
I've finally managed to piss off someone besides Banta.  I refuse to 
conform to whatever unwritten rules you've been conforming to for the
last however many millennia.  So I found a new way to piss people off.
I'm good at that.  I come from a family of rebels.  The only way I was
able to upset my acid-head, bunny hugging, Politically Correct parents
was to plaster cruxifixes & Pietas all over my room. Worked like a charm.
If you're in a group that's steadily swimming against a current, the best
way to shake 'em up is to simply go with the flow.

So when I started getting bored with Banta's repetitious insults, I
decided to throw him off balance by flirting with him.  Admittedly, it
didn't work, but you can't fault me for trying.

So far the only person on this net that's managed to really piss me off
is Henken.  That's not much of a batting average in my book.

>This is your last [polite] warning.
>

I never wanted a polite warning.  You can shove your politeness up
your ass, if there's room for it amongst all the dead gerbils.

> Yes,
>there is a place for niceness on the net -- but this ain't it.

The ONLY place in which I think niceness is tolerable is where it
is not respected.  What's the point of niceness if it's not reviled?

Take your complaints to alt.mindless.conformity.

Jenny "you can get a larger mess of viscous dead flies with honey" Gutbezahl



-- 
***************************************************************************
jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu is Jenny Gutbezahl @ Univ. of Mass, Amherst
****************************************************************************
These opinions are all mine.  Flame all you want, I'll make more
Xref: sparky alt.peeves:15742 alt.politics.correct:5706 talk.religion.misc:18484
From: 01sybok@ac.dal.ca
Newsgroups: alt.peeves,alt.politics.correct,talk.religion.misc
Subject: Re: Esoteric Skinhead O'Connor (Was stuff about Mac D's)
Date: 16 Oct 92 11:04:04 GMT
Organization: Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

In article <1992Oct14.143603.23257@panix.com>, jk@panix.com (Jim Kalb) writes:
> In <92282.110029SECBH@CUNYVM.BITNET> <SECBH@CUNYVM.BITNET> writes:
> 
>>In regard to Sinead O'Connor's tearing up the Roman Pontiff's picture
>>in television:  The fact is that the pope claims to be the head of state
>>of a foreign country - as well as a religious leader - he and his
>>outraged followers had better get used to the fact that in this day
>>and age his secular position alone makes him fair game . . .
> 
> Don't understand -- are you saying that S. O'C. tore up the Pope's
> picture because of something the Pope had done in his capacity of head
> of state?  What could that possibly have been?
> -- 

I just had the amusing mental picture of the Pope, as secular head of state,
declaring war on someone.
"And in the news tonight, the Vatican has declared war on Iraq."

What weapons do you think they'd use? I can't imagine holy water has much
effect on your average SCUD missile....


Mike
From: donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Stuff
Date: 16 Oct 92 23:51:23 GMT
Organization: TOSHIBA America MRI, South San Francisco, CA


In article <ldme0aINNlhn@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM> geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM
(Geoff Miller) writes:
>
>>Hmmm... I had a dog for about 12 years before we put her away.
>
>You "put her away," huh?  Where?  In the cupboard over the sink?  In the
>coat closet?  It's always nice to see that people are tidy and organized,
>instead of leaving clutter such as dead dogs lying around the house.  Hell,
>someone might trip!
>
>This is as good a time as any to intrroduce you to Geoff's Guide To
>Euphemisms -- a modern primer to assist one`s navigation through the
>mysterious and hazardous shoals of modern mealy-mouthed obfuscation:
>
>                EUPHEMISM                       TRANSLATION
>                ---------                       -----------
            :
>                put down, put away              kill
>                (an animal)

Heh heh.

When I started dating Gillian, she made a remark about "putting down" a
kid that she was babysitting.  At first it made me nervous, I started
wondering if I was dating some horrible, murderous thug...then it became
clear that she was talking about putting them to bed for a nap, not
euthanasia.

Of course, she does use those ads for Huggies as targets, when we go to the
range...

   don
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So as not to make the same mistake twice, don't travel to Maine because
it also has dangerously-lax gun laws. Last year we had two dozen murders
out of a population of 1.2 million. Plainly, you're better off staying
in places where handguns have been effectively outlawed, like D.C. and
New York City.
        - posted in talk.politics.guns
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don Baldwin  -  Software Engineer  - e-mail to:  donb@tamri.com
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: donb@igor.tamri.com (Don Baldwin)
Subject: Fleas
Organization: TOSHIBA America MRI, South San Francisco, CA
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 92 00:52:54 GMT

My peeve for today is:  Parasites.

Look at the food chain in general.  It's a neat, orderly progression of
animals eating other animals, which feed on plants.  So where do parasites
fit into that order?  Who really NEEDS to have animals around that don't
kill and eat their prey but simply latch onto another organism for a while,
feed, and then drop off to reproduce.  There's no elegance in that, as there
is in a  simple bovine wandering mindlessly around a grazing area, or a
neat efficient predator that dispatches and eats its prey.

Specifically, I am especially sick of fleas at this point in time.  Keeping
pigeon-mugging felines as we do, fleas that gain access to our house have
a veritable smorgasbord at their disposal.  Even though our cats are
almost never put outside (aside from our first cat, who became obsessed
with escape after seeing Papillon), we've had a flea problem for a little
while now.  Well, last weekend we decided to do something about it...

Peeve #1:  Fleas
Peeve #2:  Having to spend most of Saturday dealing with same
Peeve #3:  Our escape artist cat destroyed her cat box, so (since I couldn't
           talk Gillian into letting me drag Cindy behind the car), she
           spent all of Saturday outside, collecting more parasites.
Peeve #4:  Driving around for two hours on Saturday with our kitten while the
           flea bomb worked back in the apartment.
Peeve #5:  The kitten tends to release his bowels when frightened.

ObRevenge:  The kitten gets his balls cut off next week.

Peeve #6:  After all that hassle, there are still fleas in the apartment.

    don
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Don't forget, the word 'manager' means Amazonian leech in Portugese.
 This is especially apt, as leeches are 1) parasites and 2) are
 invertebrates."
          -anonymous
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don Baldwin  -  Software Engineer  - e-mail to:  donb@tamri.com
From: cochran@spam.rtp.dg.com (A. Jing Hippy)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Quadrophobia
Date: 12 Oct 92 02:18:03 GMT
Organization: A Suffusion of Yellow

timke@microsoft.com (Tim Keane) writes: 
| In article <1992Oct7.173239.14830@dg-rtp.dg.com> cochran@spam.rtp.dg.com (A. Jing Hippy) writes:
| >Yeesh.  I was given a copy of "Band on the Run" on, get this, a quadrophonic
| >8-track tape.  I don't know that any quad 8-track players were ever created,
| >but *I* didn't have one.  It was sooooooo COOL.  You could listen to 1/2
| >a song (not the first half or the second half, but half of the entire song
| >from beginning to end) on the first pass through the stereo heads, and about
| >45 minutes later you could hear the other half.  It was years before I heard
| >all of some of those songs at the same time.
| 
| Hey Jing!  (may I call you Jing?)  

*sigh*, you may as well. Everybody else does, despite my requests to the
contrary.

| Your 8-track deck was busted and/or stupid.
| I had absolutely no problem playing my Quadrophonic 8-Track of Grand Funk
| Railroad's _We're_An_American_Band_ (molded in purple plastic and labelled
| in gold) in the stereo 8-track player in my '74 Plymouth Brougham.

I'd go for option "b": Stupid.  It worked fine for all of my other tapes.
It occasionally ate one, but that was a normal hazard for 8-track players,
as nearly as I can tell.

I had a 1965 Barracuda.  273 V-8, 4 on the floor, and dual Thrush mufflers.
The color was most aptly described as "dirty-diaper brown".  I showed my 
dad how neat it was when I got it, by showing him that the back seat folded 
forward, leaving me with 6 feet of flat space in the back. His only comment 
was, "I don't want to see any footprints on the ceiling". That was my first 
inkling that dad might be sorta cool and not such an idiot after all.

+--------------------------------------------------+
|Dave Cochran, Data General Corporation, RTP, NC   |
|cochran@dg-rtp.dg.com                             |
+--------------------------------------------------+
|Dr. Pavlov's distinguished career came to an      |
|abrupt end one day when the doorbell rang and the |
|dog ate the Avon lady.                            |
+--------------------------------------------------+
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Re: Assorted peeves (collect 'em, trade 'em with your friends)References: <1992Oct6.161131.1689@nlm.nih.gov> <1992Oct7.085804.7994@ac.dal.ca>
Date: 8 Oct 1992 16:50:31 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: adder.cs.berkeley.edu

In article <1992Oct7.085804.7994@ac.dal.ca> 01sybok@ac.dal.ca writes:
>
>This reminds me of something I saw this morning that was REALLY funny.
>
>At the bike rack was this bike that had been locked through its frame to the
>rack. The front wheel was also locked to the rack through this lock.
>
>Everything else was gone. Pedals. Back Wheel. Handlebars. Seat. Everything. 
>They even took the chain. All that's left is the frame and the front wheel.

Yeah.  Pretty fucking funny, huh? 

But shit, I can beat that.

This morning I saw a corpse in the gutter.  Thing was wearing
suit, tie, dress shoes, the works - but the head was gone.
They took the whole shebang.  Nose, ears, eyes.  Everything.

I swear I like to busted a gut.  I was laughing so hard I had
to sit down.  Spent five minutes in convulsions on a park
bench.  I was late to a midterm, but I didn't care, because it
was JUST so fucking FUNNY!


Go north, young man.  And feed yourself to a polar bear.

c
Xref: sparky alt.peeves:15371 misc.misc:3484
From: george@windslc.seri.gov (Harry K. Rishna)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves,misc.misc
Subject: Re: Japanese Tourists ate my building.
Date: 9 Oct 92 14:39:31 GMT
Reply-To: george@windslc.nrel.gov
Organization: Colorado State Reformatory for Young Hussies and Trollops

geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) writes:

>>And don't forget those illiterates who say "nucular".  Die rat bastard!!

>There ya go.  And also the ones who say "reeletter" and "asterick."

And "eck-setera".
-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
George N. Scott                         EMAIL: george@nrel.gov
Wind Research Program (formerly SERI)   VOICE: 303-231-7667
National Renewable Energy Laboratory    1617 Cole Blvd., Golden, CO  80401-3393
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl)
Subject: Banana Marley
Summary: A bit of music appreciation
Keywords: Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Bob
Organization: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 12:00:17 GMT

After Not_Al had posted his comments about the Banana Splits, I felt
moved to ask him if he had noticed the same thing I had about the theme
song.  His reply was way too good to keep to myself, so here it
is (reprinted with permission):

------------------------Cited with permission------------------------------

> Just wondering.  Does Bob Marley's "Buffalo Soldier" sound like the 
> theme from the Banana Splits to you, or is it just me?

Nope, it's a scientifically and legally documented fact. The case of Marley
Vs Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper And Snork was at one stage set to make Jamaican
legal history but the unfortunate death of Mr Marley lead to the case being
dropped. The prosecution case, which centred on what is known as the "La,
Oi, same difference mon" hypothesis, would probably have been strong enough
to win. Marley did seek an out of court settlement, but the prosecution
demands - that in future Marley run around very fast and fall over a lot -
were considered excessive by the defence who argued that while Mr Marley
did fall over a lot for other reasons, moving fast was against Jah and
nature. The prosecution *were* about to make a second offer, to drop all
charges if Mr Marley would stand in for the little girls who sang in
Spanish (whose name I can never remember) but since Bob kicked the bucket,
we'll never known if he considered putting on a dress and singing in a high
pitched voice whilst playing the guitar to be below his dignity.

> Whenever I hear either of them, I picture Ziggy sitting on Bob's lap,
> watching TV, while Bob tokes on a big ol' spliff saying "Fleegle, Mon,
> ride da scooter."

Of course, we never *did* find out who was under those suits, and Bingo
always seemed to have a rather relaxed attitude (contrary to the rest of
the Splits, who if they were taking *anything* were taking speed) so maybe
the similarity *isn't* plagiarism but merely Bingo reusing old but good
material when his TV career ended and he decided instead to become a highly
influential reggae artiste.

Al

--
			Al Crawford - awrc@dcs.ed.ac.uk
	  Department Of Computer Science, The University of Edinburgh
   Rm 1410, JCMB, Kings Buildings, Mayfield Rd, EDINBURGH, EH9 3JZ, Scotland
	     Tel: +44 (0) 31 650 5165  Fax: +44 (0) 31 667 7209


--------------------------End of forwarded message---------------------------








-- 
***************************************************************************
jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu is Jenny Gutbezahl @ Univ. of Mass, Amherst
****************************************************************************
These opinions are all mine.  Flame all you want, I'll make more
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
From: nolan@twg.com (Sir Henry Rolls)
Subject: Re: Bike peeves
Reply-To: nolan@twg.com
Organization: British Leyland, Ltd.
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 16:56:19 GMT



In article <3358@ariel.its.unimelb.EDU.AU> rab@ariel.its.unimelb.EDU.AU
(Richard Alan Brown) writes:

        [deletia] 
        Peeve2: I had the perfect opportunity to broadside a
        Roller last week I braked..... damn (the dumbfuck did a
        U-turn without looking)

In <ldoj5dINNnrj@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM> geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff 
Miller) writes:

        Peeve: Crypto-socialists who resent other people's
        prosperity.  

In article <Bw4LI6.KwC@news.cso.uiuc.edu>, dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu 
(Thomas A. Dennis) writes:

        Nah, I don't think so.  Rollers whip around on sidewalks
        without looking at  where they're going, and then have
        the gall to give bikers shit.  They also ...

Peeve: students - they haven't the proverbial clue:

I believe that Mr. alt.tasteless understood the term Roller and Mr. Dennis
missed the boat. A roller doing a U turn in front of a bike probably had 4
wheels and seated at least 6 people, probably cost a substantial portion of a
middle-class American's lifetime wages, and weighed several tons. It was
probably too large to whip around on a sidewalk, too. Tom, me lad, acquire a
proverbial existence. Read carefully what's in front of you. If you continue
to be a good lad and pay close attention, you may indeed acquire a degree.

--
Nolan "Make mine a Springfield Ghost" Hinshaw
Internet: nolan@twg.com			Dingalingnet: (415)962-7197	
"Grab Dick and come on down"  Don Pette
"You can't combat illiteracy with soap" Jenny Gutbezahl, alt.peeves
"Boy, was I in for a dose of reality." Randall K. Abler
"... necrophilia doesn't really hurt anybody."  Rick Gordon
"Well, first of all, your stance is too wide"

Newsgroups: alt.peeves,misc.misc
From: dlwilson@fenix.encore.com (David L Wilson)
Subject: Re: Japanese Tourists ate my building.
Organization: Encore Computer Corporation
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 18:25:31 GMT
Summary: oh, here it is

> mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Angel of Bones") writes:
>> kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey) writes:
>>   One of these days I am
>>   going to go on a rampage and start shooting people who say "filming" when
>>   they are referring to videotape.
>
>    But it'll have to wait, because you're still busy rubbing out the
>people who ask for a `head of cabbage' in the greengrocer's.  Has anyone

And don't forget those illiterates who say "nucular".  Die rat bastard!!

Dave
From: ataylor@nmsu.edu (Nosy)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: ANOTHER ONE!
Date: 12 Oct 92 21:08:38 GMT
	<92282.110029SECBH@CUNYVM.BITNET> <ld8rt4INNd20@jethro.Corp.Sun.COM>
	<1b21u3INN7gf@bigboote.WPI.EDU>
Organization: NMSU Computer Science

In article <1b21u3INN7gf@bigboote.WPI.EDU> padutton@wpi.WPI.EDU (Peter Alan Dutton) writes:

<   I also think that all Catholic churches have the Pope
<   as their spiritual head, but I could be wrong.

	HAH! Peter! is obviously another Agent of the Vatican,
	intent on subverting The Third Rome!

<   In any case, the rites are slightly different from the Roman rites, but
<   are still held to be "legitimate", along with Orthodox rites (but not
<   Protestant rites!). Correct me if I'm wrong about Roman Catholic 
<   doctrine, but I absolve myself from all flame...

	We know what to do with Satan Spawn like you, Master
	Peter!, and flame is only part of it.

ObPeeve: These sudden desires to revive long-dormant controversies.

	So, Master Peter!, show me how you make the Sign of the
	Cross...we'll soon know if you are a Child of God or not.....
Newsgroups: alt.peeves