From: aaron@helios (Aaron Humphrey)
Subject: MECO Vs. Balthazar
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 04:38:02 GMT


<Laurie 8 gave me

Gary Glitter
Barry Manilow
Wizzard
MECO

Restriction: You are not allowed to say anything derogatory about them.

So I didn't.>


Captain Shiner buzzed the Wizard's cabin.  He waited several minutes for a
response, but none was forthcoming.  He consulted his mental copy of Fleet
regulations, on disturbing Wizards.  He decided that this situation warranted
an interruption.  He typed in the override key, and the door slid open.

Sometimes Captain Shiner forgot how good soundproofing was in the Wizard's
cabin.  As the door opened, loud music blasted out, poppy with a rhythmic
beat.  Someting about "Copacabana", whatever that was.  Didn't sound like the
Standard English that Captain Shiner had learned.

In the middle of the sound the Wizard sat on a beanbag chair.  He was a small,
bony man, dressed in a white leotard.  His eyes were closed and he was swaying
back and forth rhythmically.  Above him, on the ceiling, the disturbing window
to hyperspace cut a segment off Captain Shiner's vision.  As the Captain
stepped into the chamber, the Wizard's eyes
flew open, the music stopped, the window shimmered to opacity, and he stood up
and whirled to face the intruder.

"Well, if it isn't our dearly beloved captain," he sneered.  "Not content with
harassing me when I'm outside, eh?  Got to interrupt my Barry Manilow, eh? 
You better have a good reason, buster, or your butt's going up before court
martial."

Just once, Captain Shiner wished Wizards were punishable, even in the
slightest, for insubordination.  This time, though, he thought that the Wizard
would be interested.  "We've found the _New Hope_."

The Wizard was past him and into the corridor.  "Where?  Where?"  The Captain
was hard put to keep up with the Wizard as the latter dashed down to the 
Bridge, presumable to check the so-called Observation Console.

In actuality, the Wizard had a better "view" of hyperspace from his own
cabin.  Here were only the instruments that more staid minds had to use to
interpret the chaos outside the ship.  And few Wizards had the training to
allow them to read the instruments anyway.

When the Captain reached the Bridge, the Wizard was pestering Judi Sheahan to
show him where the _New Hope_ was.  He wasn't enlightened when he saw the
readout.  "Give me a picture, cretin!" he yelled.  Judi bridled, but
the Captain cut her off and nodded.  Neither Judi nor any of the crew of the
_Ayers Rock_ needed visual readouts to interpret the data.  But Wizards were
more limited.

Judi called up a holographic display, crudely mapping their relative positions
onto three dimensions.  "Larger," the Wizard said petulantly, and the images
grew, until the primitive outline of the _New Hope_ was clearly visible.  "It
looks close enough to touch," the Wizard said, reaching out to the image, only
to have his hand pass through.  A look of surprise crossed his face.

"This place is shielded," the Captain reminded him.  Wizards got so used to
hyperspace--or Astral Space, as they called it--catering to their whims, that
they forgot what normal space was like.  That was why they stayed in their
cabins so much.  He turned to Yisselda Malkovitch.  "Any sign of demons
about?"

She shook her head negative.  "That thing's still pouring off radiation by the
megaBecquerel, though.  No wonder they got snatched.  But I guess most of them
have learned to stay clear of it by now."

The Wizard shook his head.  "No.  Most of them stay away because they're
scared.  It's a trophy.  Any demon more powerful than the current owner will
attack and try to take it.  So it's gradually moved into the hands of more and
more powerful demons.  By now it's probably in the hands of Balthazar."

The Captain turned to him quizzically.  "How do you know?"

"I _know_, Captain.  All the Wizards do.  The great Martines knew.  He learned
it from a demon."

The Captain digested this.  "So you think there's still a demon guarding the
_New Hope_."

"Not just any demon, Captain.  Balthazar.  That's what we call him, anyway. 
We don't know what demons call themselves, but they accept the names we give
them.  Most demons would just have attacked us by now, if we moved into their
territory.  But Balthazar is more crafty, which is why he's as powerful as he
is.  He lures them in and then attacks."

"Captain!" Yisselda yelled from her station.  "Demon readings off the scale,
from all directions."

"Battle stations!" the Captain said, pounding the alarm panel.  "Wizard, do
you have time to get back to your cabin?  No.  Okay, we'll improvise.  Across
the hall--Officer's Lounge.  Should be only Arpino there right now.  Clear him
out, my authority.  Then we'll cut off shielding there."

"Get me my music!" the Wizard yelled.  "I need to access my sound system."

The Captain didn't argue.  Wizards all needed something to focus on--this one
seemed to go for late-20th music.  "Judi, patch that through, and hurry.  You
should be able to access it from the console in there.  Now go!"  The Wizard
did, scurrying across the corridor.  A few seconds later, Arpino dashed out.
"Take Fire Control, Arpino."  Not that they had any weapons proven effective
against the demons, but some of them seemed to annoy them.  Maybe it would
distract this Balthazar enough for the Wizard to get them out and into a safe
zone.

He could hear the Wizard's mumbling over the intercom.  "Let's see.  Gary
Glitter?  No, I think MECO would be best for this."  Some thumping primitive
electronic music started up, and everybody on the Bridge jumped.

"Can we turn that off?" the Captain muttered.  "It's not like we'll be able to
get through to him anyway, while he's in trance."  Judi flicked a switch, and
the Bridge was again silent.  "Arpino, let loose a few Ka-bolts.  Yisselda,
tell me when you can see what effect our Wizard is having."

"Nothing so far," Yisselda responded.  "Ka-bolts seem to cause minimum
perturbation.  Balthazar seems to be holding 4-sphere encircling pattern. 
Wait--something.  There seems to be another demon reading appearing, from
inside the ship."

"What the hell?" Arpino muttered.

The music blasted into the bridge again.  "Balthazar, face the might of MECO!"
the voice of the Wizard shrieked.

"Judi, I thought you turned that off!"

"I did.  Hyperspace instability seems to have overridden."

The Wizard wanted an audience, the Captain thought.  Wizards did.

"Call the new demon MECO, then.  It seems to be a product of our Wizard."

"Well, MECO seems to have caught Balthazar off-guard.  Balthazar's spread
himself pretty thin, surrounding us in 4-space.  MECO's feinting for the _New
Hope_, and Balthazar's thickening in that area."

"Arpino, start Ka-bolt bombardment opposite the _New Hope_.  Let's hope things
are weakened there enough for them to have an effect."

"Aye aye, sir."

"That's done the trick.  Balthazar seems to be concentrating on MECO right
now.  Probably thinks it's out to steal the _New Hope_.  There's a patch
almost thin enough for us to pass through."

The Captain thumbed the intercom to the Officer's Lounge, praying that the
Wizard would listen.  "Wizard!  Abandon MECO--leave it as a distraction.  We
need to break out!"

Several seconds' silence.  Then a faraway voice said, "Yes, Captain.  Time for
Gary Glitter, then."  The music changed, and then blessedly the intercom cut
off again.

"Thin patch is widening, Captain."

"All right--take us out, maximum speed!"

"We're free.  Balthazar seems to be contracting behind us.  He might not have
noticed that we're gone."

There was no pursuit.  When Captain Shiner asked the Wizard about it later, he
just said, "He probably thought that our ship was a distraction conjured up by
MECO.  Poor MECO--I'll miss him."

"Why?"

"Well, I couldn't just make a demon out of nothing, could I?  Not one good
enough to fool Balthazar.  No, that was really MECO.  And now it's gone. 
Let's just hope I never have to do that to my Barry Manilow."

--
---Alfvaen(Canadian SF Quasi-Activist)
"And when the thunder breaks, it breaks for you and me."
   ---This Mortal Coil
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