From: ap.6443@cupid.sai.com (Michelle Fiera)
Newsgroups: alt.transgendered
Subject: Re: Tough questions.
Date: 15 Nov 92 21:46:36 GMT
Organization: Rice University

In article <SCG.92Nov14214522@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> you write:
>hackbod@xanth.CS.ORST.EDU (Dianne Hackborn) writes:
>>I consider myself a fairly sexual person; I don't feel shamed about
>>my sexuality and feel that it is something that should be celebrated
>>as a fundamental part of being human.  And I certainly am not going
>>to let my sexuality be taken away by some belief that it contradicts
>>my feelings as a TS.  I believe that 95% of sex is in the head, and
>>spent a long time with my fantasies as the only outlet for these
>>feelings; I've built up a nice variey of sexual fantasies which
>>allowed me to escape my body for at least a little while.
>My, this sounds familiar....

This makes 3 of us.  The recent conflict going through my head has
been whether or not the fact that I'm ocassionally sexually aroused
while wearing women's clothes means I'm therefore not a TS.  I've 
finally determined that who or what I get sexually aroused by is
completely distinct from my gender identity. All
these discussions really are great!  I hadn't talked to anyone about
any of these feelings until about a week and a half ago, and I've
already learned so much about myself..

>>I have masturbated many times while wearing women's clothes... and I
>>have masturbated many times while wearing men's clothes [well, more
>>like androgynous clothes... I won't willing wear anything that is
>>Definately Masculine. :)].  And I have even masturbated while wearing
>>nothing at all!  So, am I one of those icky-yucky TVs [and not just a
>>TV, but a FETISHISTIC TV.  *gasp!*] who only likes the clothes for
>>the sexual thrill?  No.  I enjoy sex, and I don't feel any desire to
>>Prove My Transsexualism by repressing it.
>Oh, dear.  This is sounding even more familiar...

Yeah, if I didn't know otherwise I would think I might have written this
myself. 

>>And I don't know if I can say that I _hate_ my genetalia...  But I
>>know that I don't want them how they are, and _wanting_ to pay
>>$10,000 to have them fixed probably requires quite a bit of dislike.
>>:)
>Well, I don't really hate them; I just don't think they really belong
>there.  It's not their fault, after all. :)

Right, I mean my genitals do provide me with pleasure now, but they're
not in sync with my general being.  It's a lot like owning a Yugo, while
yes it does drive - it's not the kind of car I want to drive.  :)

>>[Actually, I don't feel any desire to prove I'm a TS, period.  I see
>>it as simply a description of my current state, and something that I
>>will hopefully get corrected.]
>Unfortuantely, the psychiatric establishment often makes you do so if
>you want do anything about it. :(

Hmm...  I see a vicious cycle coming on.  People who want the surgery
lie to their councilors so they can get the surgery done, which in turn
reinforces these councilors stereotypes of a "typical" TS.  I wonder if
there is any way to break this cycle.  Are there any TS psychologists?
  
>>However, I eventually realized that I am _much_ more comfortable with
>>my sexuality than with being a TS.  I enjoy every twisted turn of my
>>sexuality - from being bi, to being submissive, to being fetishistic.
>>[OK, I probably just enjoy calling myself a fetishist... I call
>>myself that because of my enjoyment of binding
>>clothes/rubber/whatever, which is probably more a result of being a
>>submissive.  But anyway... :)]
>*sigh* You and I sound almost exactly alike.... I'm also sub and
>fetishistic (unfulfilled, for the most part, grumble; money reasons,
>mostly), as well as bi.  And I am most probably TS.

Make that three of us.  I've been too confused to enjoy most of my
sexuality unfortunately.  I've been alternatively repressing different
parts of it at different times in my life.  I've only recently come
out to myself about some parts of my sexuality.  I have memories of
enjoying being tied up as early as ages 3-4, I first learned of my
TS/crossdressing tendencies about age 12, and I've only very recently
begun to discover the bi side of my personality.
  
>Oh well.  I just had to reply because I felt such a connection to
>Dianne I couldn't let it go by unsaid.  Long lost sister, maybe?
>*grin*

I also felt a powerful connection to this letter, as it described a 
lot of what I've been going through as well.  

(maybe triplets seperated at birth? :))

*hugs*
Michelle

anyone wishing to send me email send to ap.6443@cupid.sai.com (anonymous)

-- 
Intolerance is not a lion.  It's a weasel.
	-- Dean Kaflowitz (decay@cbnewsj.cb.att.com), talk.abortion
Newsgroups: alt.transgendered