HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Things That Make You Go Hmmm
Date: 13 Apr 92 12:58:10 EST

 JM> Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
 JM> 

Better Question.   Why do Hot Dogs have an expiration date on their package
and Corn Dogs do not?   


 * Origin: The Human Race Is Still In Beta Testing! (1:391/1040.0)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 17:35:00 -0400 
From: Jennifer Anne Hamel <jh75+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Moon
	<1992Apr12.234135.15088@cs.tulane.edu>
Distribution: usa

hey cats
yes rebecca, the moony eyes are back
and here to stay

hey, shit, we've only got three weeks left....
MOON AT WILL!!
a miracle can happen in a month, if you let it

(so, yeah, i have it Bad)

shit.......kinison huh
damn, somebody did fuck up.........
jen
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: cleo@cheshire.oxy.edu (Cleopatra)
Subject: Sam Kinison is DEAD???????????
Organization: Occidental College, Los Angeles, CA.  USA
Distribution: usa
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 1992 19:16:06 GMT



When the heck did Sam Kinison die? I had no clue.
                                    -Cleopatra
-- 
"To be or not to be..."               "Life's like a dick...when it gets hard...          -Hamlet                         Fuck It!!"
"Today is a good day to die"                             -me
         -Kiefer Sutherland (Flatliners)

Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.tv.tiny-toon,aus.jokes,aus.jokes.d
From: koelln@cs.tu-berlin.de (Florian Koelln)
Subject: Re: cmsg cancel <1992Apr10.212538.1736@nic.csu.net>
Organization: Technical University of Berlin, Germany
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 1992 11:49:35 GMT

In article <1992Apr10.233304.1738@nic.csu.net> jtinkle@sparc1.sparc1.csubak.edu (j. tinkle ) writes:
>This message was cancelled from within rn.

That's funny. If you have more of this jokes, can you please post
a compilation of it?

t.i.a.


Florian.
From: walrus@bessel.umd.edu (Grig Larson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Star Trek Joke
Date: 9 Apr 92 20:04:24 GMT
Distribution: rec.humor
Organization: Punk Walrus Enterprises, Inc.

I always heard it as:
   
   Q: What is the sound of a Vulcan Cash Register?
   A: T'pring!
 
Maybe you have to know Star Trek to get it...
 


=================<<< <  <   < *Punk Walrus* >   >  > >>>=================
[  \||/  |       ---------------------------------------       |  \||/  ]
[  (o-)  | "It might be in the     ||  walrus@bessel.umd.edu   |  (o-)  ]
[   /\   |  basement, I'll go up-  ||  Punk Walrus on the      |   /\   ]
[ Punkus |  stairs and check..."   ||  FanTek BBS 301-203-9582 | It's   ]
[ Walrus |       -- M.C. Escher -- ||  SF&F Author Extrordinare| Punkie!]
=========================================================================
These opinions are not mine, but those of a rebellious spellchecker...
From: darrin_d1@verifone.com
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: More Helen Keller Jokes
Date: 8 Apr 92 12:56:41 HST
Organization: VeriFone Inc., Honolulu HI

What did Helen Keller say when she walked into the fish market?



"Good morning ladies."

What did Helen Keller say after she was finished making love?


"Funny, you don't feel Jewish"

Yuk, Yuk, Yuk
-- 
<*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*>
|  Darrin Dexter                      |                                      |
|  VeriFone Inc.                      |   I'm innocent. Nobody saw me        |
|  Redwood City, CA                   |   do it.  You can't prove a          |
|  darrin_d1@verifone.com  (Internet) |   thing.                             |
|  uunet!verifone!darrin_d1    (UUCP) |               - Bart Simpson         | 
|  (415) 598-5506               Phone |                                      | 
|  (415) 598-5676                 Fax |                                      |
<*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: fester@island.COM (Mike Fester)
Subject: Re: Helen Keller Jokes
Organization: /usr/local/rn/organization
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 15:21:05 GMT

In article <1992Apr2.112100.20667@uokmax.ecn.uoknor.edu> czeigler@uokmax.ecn.uoknor.edu (Coren Zeigler) writes:
>ebling@turing.mcs.gvsu.edu (Aaron Ebling) writes:
>
>>Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?
>>You would to if your name was  AAAHHHAAARRRHHARH!!!!
>
>>How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
>>She answered the iron.
>
>>How did she burn the other side?
>>They called back.
>
>>---That's all I can remember for the moment.
>>-- 
>Here's some that I remember:
>
>How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
>Reading a stop sign going 55mph.
>
>How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?
>A #1: Rearrange the furniture.
>A #2: Put Saran Wrap on the toliet. 

How did Helen Keller die?

She fell off a cliff and screamed her hands off.

(Not that I think these jokes are funny, mind you ...)

Mike
-- 
Disclaimer - These opiini^H^H damn! ^H^H ^Q ^[ .... :w  :q  :wq  :wq! ^d  X ^?
exit X Q  ^C ^? :quitbye  CtrlAltDel   ~~q  :~q  logout  save/quit :!QUIT
^[zz ^[ZZZZZZ ^H  man vi ^@  ^L  ^[c  ^# ^E ^X ^I ^T ? help  helpquit ^D  ^d 
man help ^C ^c help exit ?Quit ?q CtrlShftDel "Hey, what does this button d..."
From: mmcguire@Bonnie.ICS.UCI.EDU
Subject: Re: add blonde joke to the list
In-reply-to: Your message of 04 Apr 92 22:14:35 +0000.
             <92095.151435C9M5R@ASUACAD.BITNET>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: 11 Apr 92 03:34:41 GMT

 > Here's my contribution to increase the list:
 >
 > How much does one prostitute and three blondes charge for their
 > services?
 >
 > Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks....
 >
 > Blair...

Wow!!!!  News must travel slow out in Arizona.

Minoosh
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: shan@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Tony Shan)
Subject: Re: Intel Ad shows static-proof CPU! :-)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 1992 19:01:58 GMT


What is more interesting is the _TV commercial_ showing the sparks from
the Van de Graaf generators arc'ing over the i486.  Dangerous stuff!  :-)  


-- 
%--------------------------------------------------------------------------%
|  Tony Shan    | Internet: tonys@uiuc.edu  | Bitnet: free0380@uiucvmd     |
%--------------------------------------------------------------------------%
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: aw0991@thor.albany.edu (Airborne)
Subject: Re: homosexual joke request
Keywords: drugs, lots o' drugs, much more than I can do myself
Organization: State University of New York at Albany
Date: Sat, 11 Apr 92 20:24:10 GMT

Here's a few gay jokes....











What did one gay frog say to the other?

Rub it, rub it.


What did the first hamster say to the second while outside a gay bar?

Wanna go in and get shitfaced?


What did the polite gay say at the bar?

Can I push your stool in for you?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: syspb@smartstar.com (Paul)
Subject: Re: Snow white
Organization: none
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 92 19:02:23 GMT

What's red and has 7 little dents?
Snow White's cherry.
From: bianc@next00csc.wam.umd.edu (WierdnesS)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: re: just seeing if this works
Date: 14 Apr 92 04:01:35 GMT
Organization: Workstations at Maryland, University of Maryland, College Park

In article <dragon.703222037@camelot> dragon@camelot.bradley.edu (Matthew  
Korth) writes:
> [uuencoded stuff deleted]
> 
> Now, do you mind telling us what you just posted?
> --
> *** Matt Korth *** dragon@camelot.bradley.edu ***  
dragon@buhub.bradley.edu ***
> You are confused.  Black does not represent evil.  Black represents
> anxiety.  Sen. Jesse Helms represents evil.
> 
> 			--the Omniscient Usenet Oracle


sorry, I guess it didn't work (well, it worked for me(or NeXT users))

I posted a file from my directory in WriteNow format, by dragging the icon  
into the post window.  it didn't decode.
<<NO SHIT!>>

if anyone knows how I could post it please tell me

thanks



BIANC!
From: pastino@sjuphil.uucp (Sal Pastino)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Star Trek Joke
Date: 7 Apr 92 16:11:57 GMT
Article-I.D.: sjuphil.1992Apr7.161157.11008
Distribution: rec.humor
Organization: Saint Joseph's University


Dr McCoy was involved in a shuttle craft accident and he was left trapped
inside the damaged ship. While Captain Kirk was waiting for the emergency
crews to free his comrade he pounded on the ship and shouted, "Bones, Bones!
Do you think your all right? Are you badly hurt?" To which Dr. McCoy
replied, "Damn it, Jim! How should I know? I'm a doctor, I'm not a lawyer!"


Okay, okay so it's a little corny. But I thought it was funny.


                                            Thanks, Sal Pastino
From: frank@rover.uchicago.edu (Frank - Hardware Hacker - Borger)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: April fool's day jokes?
Date: 7 Apr 92 22:20:00 GMT
Article-I.D.: rover.7APR199216200541
Reply-To: frank@rover.uchicago.edu
Organization: Joint Center for Radiation Therapy
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Apr7.155731.1757@admin1.memst.edu>, awheeler@admin1.memst.edu writes...
>> 
>> Did anyone hear of any funny April fools day jokes/stunts.
>> 
>> Well, let's hear 'em!

	At college, there was no music department, but a part time music
	teacher came in from another school. He was often hard to call or
	get in touch with since he wasn't usually on campus.

	His name was (yes really,) Hubert T. Nut, and he had a PhD, so he
	was referred to as Dr Nut.

	One day another fraternity member gave my roommate a note to call
	Dr Nut at nnn-nnnn. Of course, it was the phone number of the local
	home for the mentally incompetent. 

+---_      Frank R. Borger - Physicist     Internet:  Frank@rover.uchicago.edu
|__|_)  Michael Reese  - Univ. of Chicago  Phone : 312-791-8075 fax : 567-7455
|  | \ _  Center for Radiation Therapy
|     |_)   2929 South Ellis Avenue        Bachelor; A man who never made the
      |_)   Chicago, Illinois 60616        same mistake once!
From: tomb@tandon.com (Tom Barrett)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Intel Ad shows static-proof CPU! : -)
Date: 9 Apr 92 17:12:42 GMT
Article-I.D.: tandon.1992Apr9.171242.24885
Organization: Tandon Corporation, Moorpark, CA

In article <9bqjdqq@lynx.unm.edu> dmckeon@hydra.unm.edu (Denis McKeon) writes:
>There is an Intel ad on pages 10 and 11 of the April 13 Newsweek (USA
>news-stand edition) that shows two Van de Graaf generators on either
>side of an i486 (tm) with dual "lightning" paths jumping between them. 
>Caption reads: "The affordable power source for today's software."

hehe... I also want to point out that the original TV ads had a 15x15
pin socket for the Vacancy socket (ie 487)... it struck me as being 
rather odd that the media guys used a different size.  I wonder if the 
original plans for the 487 were indeed for a smaller co-processor, but
that someone at Intel realized that (1) the fully compatible socket would
be more flexible for future upgrade processors, or (2) just sticking a
486DX in a slightly different pinout would be a helluva lots cheaper than
doing a whole new project... I guess they forgot to tell the animators
about it (or it was too late).

Could someone count the pins in the Newsweek ad?  I seem to remember 
doing this to the newspaper Vacancy ads and got the correct number.


-- 
Tom Barrett (TDBear)        tomb@tandon.com                  voice 805-378-6207
Tandon Corporation          1:102/1006.6@fidonet.org           fax 805-529-8895
Sr. HW Design Engineer      "War is Peace, No is Yes, And We're All Free!" 
[The views expressed herein may not be shared by the organization of origin]
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: angrams
From: Kris.Heidenstrom@bbs.actrix.gen.nz
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 1992 14:02:10 GMT
Organization: Actrix Information Exchange

In article <smgViB3w164w@mantis.co.uk> tony@mantis.co.uk (Tony Lezard) writes:
> 
> mccauley@bucknell.edu (robert mccauley `93) writes:
> 
> > ISDN
> > Imaginary Services Delivered Nowhere
> > It Still Doesn't Network
> > I Still Don't kNow
> 
> It Still Does Nothing
> 

BTW these are acronyms not anagrams.

Now for a real anagram.  I don't claim authorship (if that's a real word  :-)
of this, but...

Anagram of the name of the well-known pianist "Richard Clayderman"



Rancid Ladycharmer

!!  :-)

(Check it if you don't believe me  :-)

Kris
--
"Y'know, people often say to me, 'Alexei, why are you drunk all the time?'
And I say, ''Cause I can afford to be.'" - Alexei Sayle
-- 
Kris.Heidenstrom@bbs.actrix.gen.nz  Box 27-103, Wellington, New Zealand
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: washburn@jupiter.sun.csd.unb.ca (Kim Washburn CSD)
Subject: Re: Humorous euphamisms for screwing...
Organization: University of New Brunswick
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 12:43:57 GMT

In article <2305@carto.mdavcr.mda.ca> ewm@mdavcr.mda.ca (Eric W. Mitchell) writes:
>
>Doing battle with the purple helmeted warrior.

I heard it this way

Doing battle with the one eyed purple helmeted warrior of love.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jeffj@ultra.com (Jeff Johnson)
Subject: Yet another blonde joke
Reply-To: jeffj@ultra.com ()
Organization: Ultra Network Technologies
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 92 19:15:09 GMT

Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going
to screw her brains out.  Then I realized I was too late.

A blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought
her a Woody.  I called her up later and asked how she like it.  She told
me it was OK, but that it didn't look so good once she had taken it out
of the crate.
-- 
    Jeff Johnson    | Ultra Network Technologies | voice: (408) 922-0100 x284
  jeffj@ultra.com   |     101 Daggett Drive      |   fax: (408) 433-9287
...ames!ultra!jeffj |    San Jose, CA  95134     |   sex: (900) 976-4825
 The difference between ignorance and apathy?  I don't know and I don't care
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: eclipse@netcom.com (Brian McCullough)
Subject: Re: Car Acronyms
Date: Sun, 05 Apr 92 08:48:53 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 


I CAN'T BELIEVE nobody has done HONDA yet, so here comes one:

H  orrible
O  men to a
N  ow-
D  eclining
A  merica


... and, since there hasn't been much time to pick on Saturn yet ...

Slickest Advanced Transportation Using the Roads Now (fans)
Sedans Adapted Towards Unpleasant Road Noise (foes)

                                                        ###

Where are all the acronyms for the Japanese makes?



-- 
Brian C. McCullough                                eclipse@netcom.com
Opinions ventured here are those of myself only.

"No tangled skein of stars can ward, I trow,
Who first hath set his tryst with Tristero."  (from memory; apologies to
M. Pynchon if it is misworded)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: amcandel@eos.ncsu.edu (Alex Candelaria)
Subject: Re: Wayne's World
Originator: amcandel@c00478-224wi.eos.ncsu.edu
Reply-To: amcandel@eos.ncsu.edu (Alex Candelaria)
Organization: North Carolina State University, Project Eos
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 21:38:29 GMT


In article <29DCBCC2.26237@ics.uci.edu>, igokhale@bonnie.ics.uci.edu (Ishaan M. Gokhale) writes:
>
>I said it once and I'll say it again...
>
>THE "WAYNE'S WORLD" THREAD IS NOT FUNNY! PLEASE STOP ADDING TO IT.
>WHO STARTED IT ANYWAY?
>
> This is funny:
>
>Telegram to wife: Having a wonderful time. Wish you were her.
>
>Can we see more jokes like this and less threads? Please...?
>
NO WAY!
>
>--
>     Ishaan M. Gokhale
>igokhale@bonnie.ics.uci.edu
> eauu016@orion.oac.uci.edu


Xref: sparky alt.sex.wizards:948 rec.humor:15851
From: indigo@ucscb.UCSC.EDU (Adam Schneider)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.wizards,rec.humor
Subject: Re: Sex at Disneyland?
Date: 7 Apr 92 03:53:01 GMT
Article-I.D.: darkstar.32239
Followup-To: alt.sex.wizards


In <1992Apr7.030045.27438@usenet.ins.cwru.edu> roll@skybridge.SCL.CWRU.Edu (Kevin 'Rat' Roll) writes:
>Of course you've heard that Snow White was fired from Disneyland. She
>threw Pinocchio on the ground, sat on his face, and screamed "Lie to me!
>Lie to me!"

This is a sick and perverted rumor.  Really...trying to damage Pinocchio's
and Ms. White's reputations like that.  Let's set the record straight here...
what she _really_ screamed was:

"Tell a lie!  Tell the truth!  Tell a lie!  Tell the truth!  Tell a lie!..."


==-=--=---=----=-----=-------=---------=---------=-------=-----=----=---=--=-==
Adam Schneider     indigo@ucscb.ucsc.edu     U.C. Santa Cruz     (408) 457-2172
             "Your actions will follow you full circle 'round..."
==-=--=---=----=-----=-------=---------=---------=-------=-----=----=---=--=-==
From: sly9y@cc.usu.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: A Practical Joke
Date: 8 Apr 92 11:36:23 MDT
Organization: Utah State University

In article <167C286C6.ARL00SJB@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU>, ARL00SJB@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU writes:
> A few weeks ago, there was a request for practical jokes.  Some friends and I
> once filled up another friend's car with 29 lbs. of popped corn.  We then put
> a box of salt on the top of the corn.  When our friend opened the door of his
> car (after having stared inside in amazement) the popcorn flooded out to
> pool around his feet, and the box of salt rode the tide and came to rest
> gently right in front of him.  The best part was that the other guy with him,
> who was supposed to be getting a ride home, began to eat the popcorn, and then
> said, "Hey!  Where am I gonna *sit*?"  We have pictures.
>  
> Jean

A favorite of mine is to do something like that.  However, you need to get into
someone's house/apartment/dorm to do this, and it must be when they are inside
asleep.   What you do is saran wrap a little compartment between where the wall
is, and the door, and you fill this little area between the saran wrap and the
door with either popcorn, or styrofoam(sp??).  When they wake up, and go to 
leave the room, the vacuum created by the door being sealed shut will pull all
of the popcorn/whatever into the room, making a huge mess.

Pete
Xref: sparky rec.humor:15784 alt.fan.monty-python:2517
From: gross@cats.ucsc.edu (Mike Gross)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.fan.monty-python
Subject: Re: Does anybody have the script to "The Argument Clinic" ?
Date: 6 Apr 92 07:35:05 GMT
Article-I.D.: darkstar.32146
Followup-To: rec.humor


maxwell@lamar.ColoState.EDU (Mark Story) writes:

>In article <1992Apr6.010309.10819@nic.unh.edu> ss1@kepler.unh.edu (The Rink) writes:
>>>>>I've told you once...
>>>> No, you haven't.
>>>Yes I have.
>>No, I haven't.
>This isn't an argument, it's just contradiction!
No, it isn't.
From: mcsweinberg@memstvx1.memst.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Where have all the Apple jokes gone?
Date: 7 Apr 92 13:02:13 -0600
Organization: Memphis State University






Ok.
Here goes:

Have you heard about the new Mac virus?

	System 7.

Rai.
No sig this time.
In article <1992Apr7.103023.26321@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu>, Ben Fulton <fulton@copper.ucs.indiana.edu> writes:
> In <1992Apr7.090836.8295@jyu.fi> em@jyu.fi (Erkki Mattila) writes:
> 
>>I need quickly a few good and relatively short Apple (Macintosh)
>>jokes.
> 
> redundant
> 
> ben
> fulton@copper.ucs.indiana.edu
> right here, right now
> there is no other place I'd rather be!
>
From: tom@inferno.peri.com (Tom Sherwin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Incest
Date: 17 Apr 92 12:29:26 GMT
Organization: Periphonics Corp.

From article <40129.1049216828@crfm.gen.nz>, by clark@crfm.gen.nz (Clark Mills):
> Incest: The game the whole family can play!

Incest is relative: keep it in the family...


This wasn't my fault, I swear!

Remember: death is this country's number 1 killer!
-- 
***************************************************************************
*     I don't have opinions, I have     * Periphonics Corporation         *
*	 factual interpretations        * 4000 Vets. Memorial Highway     *
*      UUCP: ..mcdhup!inferno!tom       * Bohemia, NY  11716              *
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: btm34360@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Structural Violence )
Subject: Re: Humorous euphamisms for screwing...
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 20:24:32 GMT


>sly9y@cc.usu.edu writes:

>>In article <1992Apr09.011847.2052@rs6000.cmp.ilstu.edu>, ejhupper@rs6000.cmp.ilstu.edu (Eric Huppertz) writes:
>>> Does anyone have any humorous euphamisms for "doing the nasty?"

I can't believe I'm posting this but...
Make the beast with two backs
white man's overbite
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mmapo01@convex.zdv.uni-tuebingen.de (Alexander Polden)
Subject: Re: April fool's day jokes?
Organization: Comp. Center (ZDV) U of Tuebingen, FRG
Date: Sun, 12 Apr 1992 13:55:50 GMT

There was a good one in the English newspaper,
The Guardian. It was a quarter page advert for
the latest in fax technology from Canon: a fax
machine which actually demolecularises your
message, sends it down the telephone line
and reconstitutes the original sheet of paper
at the other end. 

At the end was a little coupon one could send
off for further information, asking for one's
name, address, company and position.

Xref: sparky rec.humor:16582 rec.humor.d:1489 alt.sex:14864
From: reb@Ingres.COM (Phydeaux)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.humor.d,alt.sex
Subject: Re: (Don't) Re: KILL the CASCADE from HELL
Keywords: copy followup
Date: 16 Apr 92 19:46:58 GMT
Reply-To: reb@Ingres.COM (Phydeaux)
Organization: E 4th St Home For The Overeducated Underemployed - Chicago Div.

In article <1992Apr14.201935.9039@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu> gdkg1346@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Gautham D. Kamath) writes:
>randy@rss.dl.nec.com (Randy Bullard) writes:
>>In article <1992Apr14.135453.16728@usenet.ins.cwru.edu>, wooledge@ces.cwru.edu (Gregory Wooledge) writes:
>>>>> Any takers?
>>>>Many Lakers.
>>>Danny is a faker.
>>Fuck Tammy Fay Baker.
>Yuck, may God take her.
Suck the fig baker.
From: tholen@galileo.ifa.hawaii.edu (Dave Tholen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Does anybody have the script to "The Argument Clinic" ?
Date: 7 Apr 92 23:38:17 GMT
Article-I.D.: news.1992Apr7.233817.7634
Organization: University of Hawaii

>|>>>>> >I've told you once...
>|>>>>> No, you haven't.
>|>>>>Yes I have.
>|>>>No, you haven't.
>|>>I'm sorry but your time is up, That will be $5.
>|>What?!?  That was never five minutes!
>|I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.

Oh all right.  Here you are.  [pause]  Well?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: datta@binah.cc.brandeis.edu (AMAN)
Subject: Re: Oxymorons Wanted...
Reply-To: datta@binah.cc.brandeis.edu
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 20:07:39 GMT

In article <1992Apr3.220043.1480@spectra.com>, johnson@spectra.com (boyd johnson) writes:
>A warm San Francisco night
>   (from the 60's song)

How about an "Uneducated Nerd"........
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mtf39190@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Michael T Freeman)
Subject: Re: April fool's day jokes?
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 13:46:20 GMT

dat113c@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au writes:



>Did anyone hear of any funny April fools day jokes/stunts.

>Well, let's hear 'em!


	Here in Champaign WLRW radio reported on their early newscast (around
6 am, I think) that the county had levied a new "pet tax" on cats and dogs
amounting to 98 cents per pound.  :-)  According to the report, the fee would
be waived for all persons bringing their pets to be liscensed that same day.
By 8:00, about 12 people had showed up on the steps of the courthouse in 
Champaign to have their pets weighed and liscensed!!  Of course, a radio
crew was also there. . .
	I also heard that the humane shelter got close to 100 calls from people
complaining.  Some even said that they would have to get their pets put to    
sleep because they couldn't afford the tax!
	Does the word "gullible" seem appropriate. . .? 
-- 
						Michael Freeman
						mtf39190@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu