From: Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu (Albert Lunde)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: Hiya!!
Date: 28 Jul 92 04:24:33 GMT
Reply-To: Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu (Albert Lunde)
Followup-To: soc.bi
Organization: Ministry of Silly Walks
Originator: lunde@casbah.acns.nwu.edu

In article <ceP6Yx600VIGI0po1I@andrew.cmu.edu> sj1s+@andrew.cmu.edu (Sherrianne M. Johnson) writes:
>Ex muffin, watch out, here I am!  :D
>
>Felt like bounding exuberantly out of the e-closet (although I'm fairly
>out where I am (Pittsburgh, Pa, anybody around that I don't know
>already?? )) and saying, Hiya!

Welcome: *hugs* and *snuggles*

>It feels great to read (and finally post) here...so many friendly
>people...it's such a difference from the RL world.
>
>Anybody interested in discussing things like how it's different to come
>out as a bi-person, rather than a monosexual person?  [...]

Yea... I suppose I should try to talk about this, especially since I raised
the question of coming out bi in another thread.

I think there are a lot of things in common with the gay/lesbian
coming out process. For example: the frequent experience of thinking
one is the only one in the world or of having to "invent oneself".

Both are long processes both internal and social.

When people are just starting to come to terms with their sexual
identity, I doubt an external observer can tell who will "come out"
as gay or lesbian or who will "come out" as bi-identified. It's
important not to push people in either direction.

Some distinctive aspects of coming out bi (IMHO):

- There are so many ways to do it.

- Coming out Bi may be an incremental process of coming to
 terms with first one sort of sexual attraction then another,
 then trying to live with what society says are opposites.

- Coming out as gay/lesbian is more clearly a process of
  *directly* opposing heterosexual socialization.

- The impulse of wanting to live without labels may be especially
  strong in bisexuals.

- "Everybody thinks bisexuals are perverts" ;)

- There is almost no place where bisexuality is the norm.

- It is difficult to come out bi because people cannot
  in general infer your bisexuality from your relationships
  or other subtle signs.  It's difficult to
  "prove" one is bi to everyone's satisfaction.

- It has been suggested that bis sometimes have to come out
  over and over because people seem to keep forgetting 
  one "side" or the other of their sexuality. 

I'm trying above to draw some generalizations as well as
speak from my experience, but feel free to make additions
or corrections.

I suspect the grace or lack thereof that people have in 
exploring their sexuality has to do in part with the variety
and flexibity of the models of sexuality presented to them
in advance. I had the benifit of meeting a few bisexuals
early in my coming out process, so I was always aware of
this alternative and didn't always experience a sharp 
gay/straight split. But, initially, I felt this was a
rare and exceptional experience.  It has taken me a long
time to have islands of this sort of unified community in my life
on an on-going basis.

-- 
 Albert Lunde         | Interfaith  |     *Y*Y*      "A branch on the
 Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu |  Bisexual   |      *Y*        tree of life"
 alunde@nuacvm.bitnet |  Feminist   |.......|.........................