From: pepke@dirac.scri.fsu.edu (Eric Pepke)
Newsgroups: alt.supermodels,soc.women,alt.feminism,soc.men
Subject: Re: Self Appreciation (was: Re: Elle MacPherson causes rape?)
Date: 11 Nov 92 18:32:21 GMT
Reply-To: pepke@dirac.scri.fsu.edu (Eric Pepke)
Followup-To: alt.supermodels
Distribution: usa
Organization: Florida State University, but I don't speak for them

In article <1992Nov11.032357.19346@netcom.com> barry@netcom.com (Kenn Barry) writes:
>	I think what he's talking about is "attitude"; that's the word
>he used. And I agree that little boys are instilled with more of this
>"attitude" than little girls, on average. "Attitude", in the positive
>sense, is self-confidence and security, but in the negative sense it's
>the counterfeiting of these traits. And you know, even though society
>is successful in giving men more "attitude", I don't think it
>succeeds in giving them any more _real_ self confidence.

Absolutely true.

I think the reason for this is the mechanism by which little boys are
instilled with this attitude.  Contrary to popular opinion, they do not
develop this attitude as a result of being guided and taught preferentially
over girls.  The develop this attitude as a result of being put into 
situations where they are not protected from failure.  This results in
a high degree of self-reliance and also a high degree of self-doubt.

The classical example of this is the traditional method of teaching a boy
how to swim.  You pick him up, kicking and screaming, terrified for his
his life, and throw him into the middle of the pool.  He has a choice--
learn to swim or drown.  Most of the time he learns to swim.  If he looks
like he's going to drown, you can pull him out of the water, and laugh at
him for being scared.

Nowadays, most people rightly think of this kind of treatment as cruel.
However, it does have effects, some of which can be viewed as beneficial.  
The next time the boy is in a situation where he feels his life is threatened, 
he may be less traumatized by it.  He may even become a great lifeguard, 
because of his ability to think in tough situations.  Someone who was not 
present earlier, when he was thrown into the pool, might think, "Wow!  His 
parents must have really given him encouragement and guidance to become a 
great lifeguard?  How come my parents haven't encouraged me like that?
Unfair!"

Of course, the experience may traumatize him more rather than less.  
Usually, though, repeating the process beats the ability to feel trauma
down to a dull throbbing.  Of course, it beats down other emotions as 
well and may result in a mean streak.  The way society deals with that
is by adopting the notion of the cold, arrogant, spiteful man as an
archetype.  And if the process doesn't work at all, and the product winds 
up in the gutter or the crack house or the mental institution, then 
society can always talk about what a failure he is.

Most people don't dump their boys into the middle of swimming pools 
any more, but there are a lot of similar things which go on.  Everything
from a coach telling a boy who has just taken a basketball full in the
gonads to shut up and take it like a man, to someone on this newsgroup 
telling a man who experiences emotional pain to stop being such a "whiner," 
is part of the process.  The process has effects.  Some are considered good; 
some are considered bad.  The good effects are frequently considered unfair 
male advantages.  The bad effects are frequently considered innate male 
shortcomings.  In reality, though, they cannot be separated one from the
other.

-EMP
Newsgroups: alt.supermodels