HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: cs64wag@sdcc8.ucsd.edu (Jeremy Friesner)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: topics to avoid on first date
Keywords: dating
Date: 27 Jan 93 06:55:57 GMT
Organization: University of California, San Diego

In article <1jv0imINNf5h@gap.caltech.edu> peri@cco.caltech.edu (Michal Leah Peri) writes:
 >>>Please feel free to add onto this list, in which I will only begin to
 >>>uncover the dos and do nots of beginning a new romance.
 >
 >>A: TOPICS NEVER TO DISCUSS ON A FIRST DATE
 >>
 >>       1. Reoccuring Skin Inflammations
 >>       2. Ethnic Jokes
 >>       3. Satanism
 >>       4. X-Significant Others
 >>       5. Super bizarre sexual fantasies or problems
 >	 6. Bad credit
	 7. Why C is better than Pascal


jeremy
-- 
|~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
|3k!///  "If you never have the time, never get to see cloud 9,   |
\\\///  there's a place where you can wait, on cloud 8."  -FC     |
|\XX/_____________________________________________________________|
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@nuge103.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Interracial Romance
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 05:41:42 GMT

wolfone@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (no one of consequence) writes:


>Someone fall in love with an ET?

 Aren't all members of the opposite sex ET's in a sense? :&)

 But, if that's true, I'll do PR!  :&)


-- 
"Protect endangered species!  Contribute to the Exxon Supporter's Fund!"
"Pay no attention to that little man behind the keyboard."
"If you want to look for fish, best not to look in desert."
"The greatest beauty in the world is beauty that is private."
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: jarqui@scorch.apana.org.au (Jared Quinn)
Subject: Re: Valentine's Day gift suggestions needed!!
Organization: Craggenmoore public Unix system , Newcastle , Oz
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 20:09:00 GMT

carl@sscl.uwo.ca (Carl Kaufmann) writes:

|Well, I have a triple-whammy: an LDR and her birthday is Valentine's Day!
|What to do, what to do?  Any and all suggestions gratefully welcomed.

Well my girlfriend's b'day is a few day's before Valentine's day and I
want something really special for her because I feel our  relationship
is going thru a bad patch...  I really want to get it back on its feet
again...

-Jared
-- 
			   = Jared Quinn =
                     jarqui@scorch.apana.org.au

		      "I want to break free..."
	

Xref: sparky alt.romance:16442 alt.polyamory:2482
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: Polyamory again (was Re: last night...)
Date: 27 Jan 93 13:33:18 GMT
Organization: BNR Europe Ltd, London Road, Harlow, England.
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.199.202.54

In article <1k446p$of6@agate.berkeley.edu> cascio@garnet.berkeley.edu (Jamais Cascio) writes:
>In article <1k42jsINN1t0@bHARs12c.bnr.co.uk> dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
>[regarding non-monogamy/polyamory]
>>
>>It's a great ideal, but like all the others, it'll never come to pass. Not
>>while we're human anyway...
>>
>Ahem.  Please insert "for me" after the "never come to pass".

Yep yep yep. No probs. Just a lazy typist. :-)

I would also remove the gross generalisation "while we're human" too.
(I got carried away!)

>
>There are lots of people out there who could not live in such a
>relationship-- fine. We're all different.

Agreed. Exactly.

>
>The point Jon was trying to make earlier (I believe) and the point
>that many of us in non-monogamous relationships want to make is
>that our (Western) society needs to be more tolerant and accepting
>of non-traditional relationships.  Admittedly, there aren't roving
>bands of skinheads out "polyamorite bashing" but there is enough
>verbal hassling that one can easily begin to get paranoid...

I have this general problem with "minority interest groups" like polyamory 
fans, etc.: *I* genuinely *don't* feel lacking in tolerance or acceptance of
unusual views or practices (compared with my local, cultural, family,
personal -- or whatever -- norm). I have great difficulty in trying to
understand why others do.

You have nothing to fear from me -- from some in my social/cultural group,
yes. But not from me. I can't answer for them.

Disclaimer in every post time? :-) "BTW, Stewart does not speak for the World".

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: smithrud@advtech.uswest.com ()
Subject: Re: Advice please!!
Organization: U S WEST Advanced Technologies
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 02:52:10 GMT

In article <1993Jan27.194000.26589@jetsun.weitek.COM> weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver) writes:
>In article <1993Jan26.065532.8461@advtech.uswest.com> smithrud@advtech.uswest.com writes:
>...
>>You will only steal her if she _wants_ to be stolen.  I don't know
>>too many people who have been stolen against their will (abductions
>>for ranson don't count).  ;)
>>
>>My point: If she doesn't want you pursuing her, she will probably
>>tell you.  If she isn't telling you to leave her alone, but is still
>>claiming to love her boyfriend, she might not be sure of _what_ she
>>wants.
>>

>I think that your point is that he doesn't need to worry about doing
>something against her will, unless he behaves badly.  This is very
>true. But unfortunately for him, this isn't enough to decide what he
>should do.


No, that wasn't my point.  That was what I said in the first paragraph.
My point was in the second paragraph and in that one I said basically
what you summed up at the bottom of your post -- i.e. she will let him
know.


>She could want him to pursue her and still want to keep her boyfriend
>(that would be a bit immature, but not unheard of). Or she could be 
>unsure, and then decide to keep her current boyfriend. Or she could
>dump her current boyfriend and then decide that it was a mistake,
>and blame they guy that stole her away, as if it were all his fault.
>
>My suggestion is that he make clear (as tactfully as possible) that
>he is interested in her, and that he would not be treating her the
>way she is complaining about. Leave it to her to decide what she 
>wants, and when to act.
>
>Peace,
>Michael.
>

--

Cari                                 "I don't know why I did it,
                                      I don't know why I enjoyed it,
Boulder, CO                           and I don't know why I'll do
smithrud@advtech.uswest.com           it again."   - B. Simpson -
smithrud@ucsu.colorado.edu

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: mreinker@nyx.cs.du.edu (matthew Reinker)
Subject: Re: Polyamory again (was Re: last night...)
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 93 14:15:05 GMT

In article <C1G4Lp.593@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> rlshuck@expert.cc.purdue.edu (Robert L. Shuck) writes:
>I have a real problem.  I get depressed really easily and my girlfriend
>lives in a state 1000 miles away.  She says she is not sure that she
>can be "faithful" to me, and I am worried about her meeting another guy and 
>him treating her badly.  The only way that I know for sure she is respected
>is if I am the only one.  I have been in love (deep!!!) for five years now.
>To lose her now because she doubts my pyschological strength would destroy 
>me emotional, physically, and mentally.  I do not know if I would be able
>to survive without her.  She means everything to me.  I....need advice.
>Thank you.
>
>


Robert,
	I'm not qualified (is anyone?) to give advice, but this is what 
I think.  She needs reminders...a letter once in a while, a picture of you
together, flowers, whatever you can afford.  Don't be obssesive and spend
a lot of time doing the long sappy love letter, just a note, a page at
most, keep it down, but tell her you love her and all.  And be ready to
accept an offer of friendship.  If she has to move on...so be it, I'd hope
you two were more than "lovers" it helps to be friends!
	The Companion
P.S. Thanks for your help with my problem, outa sight outa mind! Good
luck, at least be able to say you tried! :-)

--
My Ideas and opinions are my own. I don't share.
Any errors you find in grammer or spelling are not mistakes, but ART!

"I'm going slightly mad!"      Queen
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: I am I cheep or What?
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 93 00:20:30 GMT

In article <jmorriss.1.0@uwsuper.edu> jmorriss@uwsuper.edu (JON M. MORRISSETTE) writes:
>
>
>   Ok for some time now my SO has forbid me to buy her anything, and i have
>been feeling vary cheep about this becuase i had give her something that
>i dont use any more for X-mas and she just bit my head off for wanting to 
>buy a birthday present for her. And right now I feel like i am being
>overly cheep with her. Am I?
>
No. If she doesn't want you to buy presents, by not buying her presents
you are simply following her wishes. Remember, the primary purpose of
giving gifts is to please the person you are giving to, not to please
yourself.

Do you know why she does not want you to buy her anything? If not,
perhaps you should tell her you would like to buy her gifts and 
do not understand why she does not want you to. But there are 
lots of other (and better!) ways to show affection than giving
gifts. The most direct ways are the most effective, I think.

Peace,
Michael.


Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.polyamory
From: michael@gandalf.moria (Michael Haardt)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: [Picture] Re: Computer Artists?
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 93 19:35:23 +0100
Organization: An old and gray machine, somewhere in Moria.
Distribution: world
Reply-To: u31b3hs@pool.informatik.rwth-aachen.de (Michael Haardt)
NNTP-Posting-Host: rama.informatik.rwth-aachen.de

In article <C16C7q.9qC@cs.uiuc.edu>, penrose@cs.uiuc.edu () writes:
>  B I N G O !!  You got it...that was the one.  Many Many thanks!  Also,
>  thanks to all the other folks who so kindly responded to my original
>  note.  I have more pics for my file now.  By the way, if the person
>  who sent the "animated valentine" (arrow flying thru heart) I loved it
>  but when I "cat" the file the heart outline disappeared.  The rest
>  works.  Is there a bug in the program?

I am glad that this was what you were looking for :)  I didn't send you
the "animated valentine", but I have that too.  It is a file of vt100
escape codes, and some of these files only work right on real vt100s,
because some terminal emulations turn out not to be as complete as they
could be.

Michael "with a real vt101 next to him"
--
Twiggs and root are a wonderful tree (tm) Twiggs & root 1992 :-)
From: caforce@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (DALE FORCE)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: When is it Miss/Mr. Right
Date: 26 Jan 93 22:22:00 GMT
Organization: NASA Lewis Research Center
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <300@cnmhnet.UUCP>, keithg@cnmhnet.UUCP (keith garrard) writes...
>>> How do you know that you've finally met your love of a lifetime
>>> and what makes it feel that way> 

Even the love of your life may not be Mr./Ms. Right.
When I met her we knew from the start we were at very different places in 
our lives (tho nearly the same age) and thought we could have a 'safe' 
relationship. We both fell in love, but she has raised her family and does 
not want to make a permanent committment, let alone start another family; 
while I realize that I need to make a permanent family structure for myself 
(at least a permanent relationship, perferably children too). I wish she 
were ready to make a family, or I had made mine, but this cannot be.So we have 
broken off, and I have found someone to raise a family with. I do love my 
fiancee, but the emotions are not as deep.
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.romance.chat
From: beckerd@juliet.ecs.csus.edu (David Becker)
Subject: Re: I'm baaaaaack.
Summary: Why is this line here?  If you want a summary, READ...
Keywords: I was here before, I am here again. 
Organization: California State University, Sacramento
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 07:25:10 GMT

In article <C17I2t.xx@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu> ssalter@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (-=[SLS]=-) writes:
>
>hi beaker!!! *wave wave* long time no talk!!! welcome back!

*wave wave*  Yes, it's been a while.  Only it's
GoldenHawk now, not Beaker anymore.  (That name sounds sooo
childish, and I don't feel like a kid anymore...)

				-=[GoldenHawk]=-

P.S.  Hoping I have time to keep up with this group!
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: When is it Miss/Mr. Right
Date: 27 Jan 93 01:09:08 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1k3egtINNqn3@bHARs12c.bnr.co.uk> dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
...
>Will folks please give some concrete examples of this "work" stuff.
>Seriously, I'd like to hear more about the sort of investment committed
>folks are putting into their relationships -- and see just where I sit on
>the range of selfishness or lack thereof.
>
Well, I am not committed, though sometimes I think I should be ;-).

I don't think it has much to do with selfishness. Ultimately, you are
putting work into a relationship for your own benefit. Just as when you
have a job, you work for your employer, but in the end it is for your
own benefit (or at least it should be).

When I talk about work with respect to a relationship, I mean effort
that does not have an immediate reward. I suppose for a well-established
relationship things are a bit different, but for a relationship that is
starting, some of the things I think of as work are: 

-- Risking rejection. There are hundreds of small rejections you 
   could get, and can't let worrying about them stop you.

-- Spending time together, when it isn't convenient, because the
   alternative would be spending less time together.

-- Being charming. This is basically focusing on making her comfortable
   rather than making yourself comfortable. But you do it by acting
   as though you are comfortable, acting as though you aren't bothered by
   rejection at all, acting as though you never get bored, acting as 
   though you never feel awkward. Nobody gets fooled by all this acting,
   but it makes it easier for her to get to know you, and vice-versa.

-- Listening to her, and trying to figure out what her problems. It 
   is more fun to pretend she doesn't have any problems, but the better
   you understand her problems, the better you will get along.

-- Trying to fulfill her emotional needs: to be validated, to be appreciated,
   to be understood, and so forth.

-- Being yourself, when you would rather give the impression that you
   are better than you really are. Because in the long run, you have
   to be yourself, you might as well let her in on who you are.


All of these things are fun sometimes, and all of them sound a bit
unselfish. But most of the time you do them because you want to give
the relationship a chance to develop.

Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: huesmann@wam.umd.edu (Joseph Edward Huesmann)
Subject: Re: Date of Valentine's Day (was gift suggestions needed!!)
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 22:36:24 GMT

In article <1993Jan25.173143.24784@ncsu.edu> eagle@garfield.catt.ncsu.edu (Daniel L'Hommedieu) writes:
>For all those in Long-Distance relationships, just remember that
>Valentine's day this year is on a SATURDAY!  Amtrack, here I come!
>
>Daniel

WRONG! Can you say SUNDAY? Say it with me... SUNDAY... :)

Joe

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|  huesmann@wam.umd.edu     "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all   |
|  Joseph E. Huesmann        the world, she walks into mine!"                |
|                                              -- Rick Blaine, "Casablanca"  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: younger & more experienced man
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 93 19:07:46 GMT

In article <1993Jan21.020556.1@vmsb.is.csupomona.edu> cvaba532@vmsb.is.csupomona.edu writes:
>this is my first contribution to this newsgroup
>
>i feel that i am in a dilema...i met this guy thru
>a BBS that i phone into..he is the sysop..we talked
>met..etc....he kissed me the other day but it was 
>a fiasco...i am older than him by 6 years...i just 
>turned 26 and he will be turning 20 next month
>when we are talking...age isnt a big deal..but when 
>i think about it....it makes me wonder
>
>i am not very experienced and he is a bit more 
>experienced than i.  oh well...i think after the 
>'kiss' fiasco, that might be it
>
Now you have my attention.
What made the kiss a fiasco?
A first kiss is always a little awkward, because of the stress
and not being used to the habits of  the other person.

>is age a problem? is experience or lack thereof a big deal?
>
No and No. There are problems that tend to come with age difference,
such as difference in maturity, but they are problems that may or
may not exist in your relationship. I can only think of three things
that really depend on age and not maturity. First, the younger partner
will tend to grow up faster than the older, so there is a danger of 
the younger 'outgrowing' the older. Second, the problems of having 
children when you are too old or too young. Third, the problem of
the younger being a young widow/widower. At this stage of a relationship,
I wouldn't be worried about any of these, but rather I think you should
be trying to figure out if the guy is someone you want to get involved
with.

As for experience, it depends on what sort of experience you mean. 
If you mean sexual experience, it is not very important, as long 
as you both can agree on how much physical intimacy you expect. 
Desipite all that is written about sex, it isn't rocket science.
Mostly, you just need to get comfortable with it, which just takes
time and patience. Experience with romantic relationships is a 
little harder to pick up, but again, time and patience should
take care of it.

Peace,
Michael.








Xref: sparky alt.romance:16441 alt.polyamory:2481
From: cascio@garnet.berkeley.edu (Jamais Cascio)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: Polyamory again (was Re: last night...)
Date: 26 Jan 1993 19:42:17 GMT
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
NNTP-Posting-Host: garnet.berkeley.edu

In article <1k42jsINN1t0@bHARs12c.bnr.co.uk> dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
[regarding non-monogamy/polyamory]
>
>Sounds great man. Really, I mean it. Like most egalitarian ideals.
>
>But I couldn't cut it, and I wouldn't want my RP to play life that way,
>either. It's my culture too, and my possessive nature -- there is nothing
>wrong with this and I recognise my failings. But this is not the way for me.

Fine.  You're wired/acculturated as monogamous, and you're happy.  Sounds
great, man.  Really, I mean it.
>
>It's a great ideal, but like all the others, it'll never come to pass. Not
>while we're human anyway...
>
Ahem.  Please insert "for me" after the "never come to pass".

There are lots of us out here for whom it _has_ come to pass.  We
live in happy, functional, productive relationships that don't 
happen to be traditionally monogamous.  

There are lots of people out there who could not live in such a
relationship-- fine. We're all different.

The point Jon was trying to make earlier (I believe) and the point
that many of us in non-monogamous relationships want to make is
that our (Western) society needs to be more tolerant and accepting
of non-traditional relationships.  Admittedly, there aren't roving
bands of skinheads out "polyamorite bashing" but there is enough
verbal hassling that one can easily begin to get paranoid...

Exercise: whenever you come across "polyamory" or "non-monogamy"
in a post, mentally insert "homosexuality" or "bisexuality".
Do the reactions such as "it'll never come to pass. Not while
we're human anyway..." suddenly sound rather narrow-minded?


Jamais A. Cascio             \\  "I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass"
cascio@garnet.berkeley.edu    \\                       -me
                               \\    "Too bad you never had a choice"
                                \\                      -my wife
**************************************************************************
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Advice please!!
Date: 27 Jan 93 21:09:32 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <C1H37s.B96@acsu.buffalo.edu> v119qkv2@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (POE) writes:
[ about whether or not it is right to 'steal' someone's girlfriend ]
>	"Steal" is such a bad word.  Try "rescue" or "save".  Is it right?  It
>depends.  A better question is can it be done.  And let me tell you from ex-
>perience, there's probably nothing you can do about it.  
>
I don't think 'rescue' or 'save' are quite right either. She is with
her current boyfriend due to her own choice. If she really needs to
be saved, the situation is really bad, and he probably shouldn't be
thinking about getting involved with her.

I wouldn't say that nothing can be done, but I would say not there is
not much he can do. It's her choice and about all he can do is make
clear that he is interested in getting involved with her.

Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: fewings@henson.cc.wwu.edu (Fewings David)
Subject: Re: I am I cheep or What?
                    ^^^^^
Organization: Western Washington University
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 22:33:15 GMT

jmorriss@uwsuper.edu (JON M. MORRISSETTE) writes:



>   Ok for some time now my SO has forbid me to buy her anything, and i have
>been feeling vary cheep about this becuase i had give her something that
                   ^^^^^
>i dont use any more for X-mas and she just bit my head off for wanting to 
>buy a birthday present for her. And right now I feel like i am being
>overly cheep with her. Am I?
        ^^^^^
Cheep! Cheep!  Cheep!  A little bird wants to escape the nest, or is hungry?!

-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 E-Mail: Fewings@Henson.cc.wwu.edu 
 Phone:  (206) 650-4815 (W)   (206) 738-6850 (H)  (206) 650-4844 (FAX)
 S-Mail: College of Bus. and Econ., West. Wash. U., Bellingham, WA 98225-9077
From: llk4k@Virginia.EDU ("Lori Karalow")
Subject: Re: Possible FAQs (Was: Re: Girls can be confusing...)
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1993 18:49:19 GMT

Because we're stupid and look for dumb things that don't mean a
hill of beans in the long run!  Guilty as charged!
Newsgroups: alt.romance