From: lowry@watson.ibm.com (Andy Lowry)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Flames about Spanking
Date: 5 Nov 92 20:17:50 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: IBM T.J. Watson Research Center
Disclaimer: This posting represents the poster's views, not necessarily those of IBM

[Note: Please read disclaimer near the bottom of this message before
you flame me for being a hypocrite! :-)]

There's an increasing amount of misunderstanding flying around this
debate, and I just read an article that is representative.  While I
won't quote that article, here's the gist of the chain of articles on
which this article was based:

 - Poster #1 says that he'll do whatever it takes to prevent a child
   from doing certain things, like playing with matches or knives.
 - Poster #2 says effective childproofing should be used to prevent
   these situations to begin with.
 - Poster #3 says childproofing by itself isn't adequate because
   parents are human and can't be 100% effective in their
   childproofing, and illustrates with an example where her child
   makes a mess with a permanent marker her husband inadvertantly left
   out.
 - Poster #4 says the child shouldn't be punished and
   (tongue-in-cheek) that the husband should be, and that children
   shouldn't be punished for the parents' failure to childproof.

Much of the above, which looks pretty reasonable as expressed here,
was said in at least semi-inflammatory language, and seemed to
indicate that each poster felt the prior poster had said something
contradictory to their point, as opposed to simply omitting it.  I
went back and read the articles very carefully, and I found that
Poster #1 never said that childproofing isn't important, that Poster
#2 never said that effective childproofing makes discipline
unnecessary, and that Poster #3 never said the child should be
punished for the parent's failure.  And, to forestall any further
progression of this chain, let me assert that Poster #4 probably
doesn't really think the husband should have been punished.

I have a feeling that everybody in this thread more or less agrees
that childproofing and discipline are both important and complementary
tools for ensuring safe and appropriate behavior in children.  These
ideas could have ben developed very effectively without any flaming.
Each poster added something of value.  But I think each poster also
read something into the previous post that simply wasn't there.  And
while I've used this particular chain as an illustration, there are
several others in this debate that could have served equally well.

I know I'm in a bit of a glass-house here, but I hope that doesn't
totally invalidate my observations.  Though I try to refrain from
flaming and to present my arguments rationally, I know I sometimes
fail.  I hope we can all try hard to read very carefully and respond
rationally to what people say, and not emotionally to what they don't
say.  With an issue as volatile as spanking, this is a difficult but
very important goal if the result is to be an informative discussion
that will be of some value to misc.kidders.
--
Andy Lowry, lowry@watson.ibm.com, (914) 784-7925
IBM Research, P.O. Box 704, Yorktown Heights, NY  10598