From: kibo@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: Story in which Spot says a bad word.
Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology
Reply-To: kibo@world.std.com
Organization: Between a rock and a type specimen sheet, Boston.
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 04:30:28 GMT

Another sneak preview of Spot's forthcoming book.  No, you can't see the
rest.  Yet.  Well, if enough of you promise to vote for me for
President, maybe I'll post some more.

CONTAINS METAPHYSICAL VIOLENCE.  Copyright 1992 by me, it's mine, la la la.

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THE DOG, THE LETTER, AND THE WORD
=================================

Spot was face-to-face with an evil entity of hideous proportions: The
Cursor.  The Cursor was placing a curse on Spot, while blinking
mechanically.
    "Now, Spot, I'm givin' you the ol' double-whammy.  Firstly, if you ever
say the secret word, your head will explode!  Hey, Spot, guess what the
secret word is?"
    "What?"
    Spot's head did not explode!  The Cursor blinked.  "Guess again, Spot."
    "Uh... no, I don't think I'll guess, because if I say the word, my head
will... oh dear... I keep saying words!  I hate this curse!"
    "And that's not all!  If you ever say something that does not contain
the non-secret letter `x', the entire Universe will explode!"
    "The entire Universe?  Oh no!  Now I'll have to keep saying that letter
so it won't explode!"
    The Universe did not explode.  The Cursor blinked.  "Well, Spot, have a
happy day!"  Suddenly, Spot was alone.
    "Oh no!  I'm hexed!  For the rest of my life, I'll have to keep saying
that letter!  Gosh, I hope I said it in this paragraph."
    The Universe did not explode.  Spot wondered what would happen if he
talked about "the letter `x'", but he figured there was some clause in the
curse that would prevent it.  Just then, the phone rang.  It was Spot's
second-best friend, Crystal.  She was a hybrid of a dog and a
diamond--everyone's best friend.  "Hi, Spot!" she said.
    "Uh, hi Crystal.  I'm sorry if our conversation gets weird real fast,
but I have to keep saying this letter, see.  Um... let's have sex!"
    The Universe did not explode, and Crystal hung up on him.  She ripped
the "S" page out of her address book and burned it.
    Spot sobbed softly, as the curse had cost him his second best friend.
Fortunately, he still had his health, and speaking of which, he had a
healthy appetite.  He used his nimble paw to dial Parcheesi Pizza to have
breakfast delivered.
    "Hello, Parcheesi Pizza?  I'd like an extra-large pizza, with
pepperoni, anchovies, dog food, and... uh-oh... gotta think... and Windex!"
    The Universe did not explode, and in 29.99 minutes, Spot's pizza
arrived.  It was bright blue and smelled like patented Ammonia-D(#TM).
Spot couldn't force himself to eat it, and fortunately no helpful neighbors
forced him to eat it.  He threw it out without incident.  "Whew!  That was
a close one... er... blue pizza sux!"  Spot was starting to get the hang of
this now.  Of course, he still had to be careful not to say the secret
word.  When the roof collapsed seconds later, he almost didn't call for
help for fear that `help' might be the word.  But he changed his mind,
shouted "Help!" and his head didn't explode.  However, the Universe did.
    Spot, standing on the only particle that remained of the Earth, cried.
"Waah!"  His head exploded.


Xref: sparky alt.religion.kibology:3507 alt.folklore.urban:21528