From: barrett@astro.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: The BOOK that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Summary: buy it buy it buy it buy it buy it buy it buy it buy it buy it
Keywords: book, paper, wood biproducts, gerbils
Date: 8 Sep 92 20:35:03 GMT
Reply-To: barrett@astro.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
Organization: BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED


				  AT LAST!

		THE BOOK THAT EVERYBODY HAS BEEN WAITING FOR!!

		   (And just in time for Christmas, 1992!)
			[sounds of rocks being thrown]

	Hello, comp.sys.amiga.advocacy readers!  I don't want to sound like
a braggart, but this could be the most important posting you have read all
year!  I want to tell you about a new book.  This book is guaranteed to be
more influential than The Bible!  Longer than "Gone With The Wind!"  And
easier to read than "Dick and Jane go to the Bathroom!"

	I know that people are not supposed to post commercial announcements
on USENET, but this information is just TOO IMPORTANT to keep to myself!  I
can't imagine any comp.sys.amiga.advocacy reader living without it!!  Why??
Well, wouldn't you LOVE the answers to the following questions?

	o	What is the single best personal computer for all purposes?
	o	Which chip architecture is superior:  Intel or Motorola?
	o	How to write a Device-Independent Graphics system in only
		6 hours!
	o	Simple political tactics to get Lotus 1-2-3 ported to
		your favorite computer!
	o	100 suggestions for cool c.s.a.advocacy subject lines
		like "Imminent death of the Amiga predicted"!
	o	How to connect multiple TARGA boards to your Amiga!
	o	10 simple methods to force Irving Gould to retire!
	o	How to win at BLAZEMONGER and lose only 2 limbs!

These are just SOME of the questions that are answered in this INCREDIBLE
book.  What book can possibly offer such lasting and timeless information?
The only answer is:  UNKNOWN HIDDEN SECRETS OF THE ADVOCACY MASTERS.

	Yes!  UNKNOWN HIDDEN SECRETS OF THE ADVOCACY MASTERS is the only
book that can promise to change you from a TIMID, NON-POSTING LOSER into a
VIRILE MASS OF DIGITAL TESTOSTERONE with only minor surgical after-effects.

	IMAGINE how WONDERFUL things will be after you have read UNKNOWN
HIDDEN SECRETS OF THE ADVOCACY MASTERS.  When some snot-nosed goober dweeb
posts a LIE in c.s.a.advocacy, all you need to do is refer to the appropriate
page in the book, read the SECRET INFORMATION, and then EFFORTLESSLY DESTROY
your opponent with a stream of WORDS OF POWER.

	NEVER AGAIN will you lose an argument.  NEVER AGAIN will you have
silicon kicked in your face by the supposed BIG FLAMERS of this newsgroup.
NEVER AGAIN will you have a big bank account after you buy this book.  NEVER
AGAIN will this offer be repeated.  NEVER AGAIN will this offer be repeated.

	UNKNOWN HIDDEN SECRETS OF THE ADVOCACY MASTERS.  The list of names
on our panel of writers reads like a "Who's Who" of Amiga flamage.  Guess
who they are?  HA!  I'll NEVER tell.  (But if you really want to know this
UNKNOWN HIDDEN SECRET, then BUY THE BOOK and find out how to MAKE me tell
you!!)

	Yes, this book HAS IT ALL!  Here are some more examples:

?	Want to learn how to win ANY argument in c.s.a.advocacy?
	[See page 978.]

?	Need inside information on the latest Commodore hardware
	developments?  [Look on page 34!]

?	Did you hear a rumor that you want to verify or dispel?
	[Page 77 tells you who knows the truth, and how to contact
	her.]

?	Can't break the copy protection on your favorite game?
	[See pages 545-602 for a complete table of how to break
	every game on the market!]

?	Is your USENET addiction preventing you from having a normal
	social life?  [Page 188 provides free dance lessons!]

?	Can't win at BLAZEMONGER?  [See page 3,719 to learn why it's
	not possible!]


	Now, when this book hits the stores, it's going to sell for a VERY
large amount of money.  So... how much would you pay for such a book?
$500?  $1000?  Trade in your computer for it?  Well, there's good news!  I
am extending a SPECIAL OFFER to the readers of comp.sys.amiga.advocacy.
Yes, because you are all so dear to my heart, you can own your very own copy
of UNKNOWN HIDDEN SECRETS OF THE ADVOCACY MASTERS for a very inexpensive
price!!  Yes... VERY VERY inexpensive!!

	"What IS this price?" I hear you cry.  Silly mortals.  Just like
every spine-tingling fact in this book, the true price is an UNKNOWN HIDDEN
SECRET.  But it is VERY low.  Oh, yes.  So to take advantage of the SPECIAL
OFFER, simply send us the EXACT AMOUNT, plus $78.29 (US) for postage and
handling, and UNKNOWN HIDDEN SECRETS OF THE ADVOCACY MASTERS will soon be
speeding toward your mailbox.

	If you accidentally send us the wrong amount of money, don't worry!
We will simply keep the money, and tell you to try again.  Once you finally
send us the correct amount, we will refund all your previously submitted
money and return it with the book.  If we haven't spent it.

	Send your money (cash only) to:

		UNKNOWN HIDDEN SECRETS OF THE ADVOCACY MASTERS
		99 Unknown Secret Hidden Lane
		________________, _____    _________

What are the blank lines?  Well... like the price, the rest of the address
is an UNKNOWN HIDDEN SECRET.  (It's on page 3!)  But we are confident that
you'll be able to find us.  At least before the Better Business Bureau
does....

                                                        Dan

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| Dan Barrett -- Dept of Computer Science, Lederle Graduate Research Center |
| University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA  01003  --  barrett@cs.umass.edu |
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ps:	Believe it or not, there really *is* an "unknown hidden secret" in
	the above article.  The first person to figure it out will receive
	special recognition in an upcoming BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED article.
	Send your guesses via e-mail.

---
Copyright 1992 by Daniel J. Barrett.  All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed as long as it is distributed in its
entirety.  It may not be included in any publication without the written
permission of the author.  So nyaaah.