From: cn262@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Cindy Carpenter)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: When to wean after one year
Date: 11 Jan 1993 14:40:21 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: cn262@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Cindy Carpenter)
NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, dolson@crl.ucsd.edu (Laura  Dolson) says:

>Sandra Mergen writes:
>
>>I'm still nursing my second daughter, age 12 months, and would
>>like to hear from other mothers who nursed beyond the first
>>year. [deletia]
>
>>BUT... My 
>>husband and others are starting to tell me that IT'S TIME TO WEAN.
>>I understand where they're coming from, since I weaned my first
>>daughter at 9 1/2 months with no problem, but this daughter is
>>different.  She ISN'T drinking milk from a bottle or cup like
>>
>Well, I have a response and a related question on this.
...
>BUT, now I REALLY feel the pressure to wean soon, as Emily is approaching
>2.  And, as you have gathered, we are still fine with it.
...
>So, I have 2 dilemmas:  when to wean, and how to wean a toddler.  I can't
>gather all my breasts up and throw them away, as people have been saying
>they do with bottles and pacifiers!  Any suggestions?  And any thoughts
>on how I can tell if I have a "separation problem"?

First, I want to say that there is no ONE right TIME TO WEAN across the
board.  All babies are different, all mothers are different, and when 
you (baby or mother or baby & mother) choose to wean is a highly
personal decision.  I encourage you to resist the pressure from other
people (pediatricians included) to wean - they are not the ones who are
nursing, and they will not have to deal with the feelings and behaviors
that come up during weaning.  Weaning from nursing, like nursing itself,
is between you and your baby.

If you *do* want to keep nursing (and I'm not saying you *should*, just
if you *want* to), here's some "official" information you can use to
shore up your decision.  The American Academy of Pediatrics just
recently recommended that all babies be breastfed until they are one
year old (former recommendation was for 6 months).  The World Health
Organization recommends that all babies nurse for at least two years,
because the immunological protection still continues during that time
(though it's not as strong as during infancy).  The worldwide average
weaning age is 4.2 years.  (Source: Ester Davidowitz, "The Breastfeeding
Taboo," _Redbook_ (July 1992): 114, cited in Elizabeth N. Baldwin,
"Extended Breastfeeding and the Law", _Mothering_ (Spring 1993): 89).  

Granted, lots of these older nursing children are in third world
countries where children are much more vulnerable to disease, and
therefore one could argue that they need the protection much more than
first world children.  On the other hand, lots of first world children
are in daycare and one could argue that they need the protection from
constant exposure to colds *and* they especially need the warm contact
with their mothers who they don't see during the workday.

If you are surrounded by pro-weaning people (relatives, pediatricians,
co-workers, whatever) and you'd like to get another perspective, I can
recommend two good resources.  The first is a book called _Mothering
Your Nursing Toddler_ by Norma Jean Bumgarner.  The second is La Leche
League.  The basic LLL philosophy is to encourage child-led weaning
(i.e. don't offer to nurse; don't refuse to nurse), so you can often
find mothers who've nursed toddlers in LLL groups.  They are an
excellent source of information, advice and support if you want to
continue nursing a toddler.  (At the same time, many LLL mothers don't
nurse their toddlers, so they're also an excellent source of information
and advice about mother-led weaning. :))  If you can't find them in your
local phone book, call the national number and ask for a referral
(1-800-LA LECHE).

In my personal situation (note this is *not* a prescription for what
others should do!), I am nursing my 19 month old daughter and have no
plans to wean in the near future.  Before my daughter was born, I knew I
was staunchly pro-breastfeeding, but I told myself *I'd* never be on the
of those crazy mothers who nursed their toddlers.  *My* baby was going
to be weaned by about the time she was 18 months old.  Well, 18 months
came and went.  I just couldn't figure out any good reasons why I should
wean.  She enjoys nursing, I enjoy nursing.  (Even my husband enjoys the
nursing - he gets a few quiet minutes and a happier child and wife!  My
daughter loves to have him sit next to us and then flashes him huge
grins in between.)  It's not a problem in any way - she now nurses just
a few minutes a couple times a day and isn't at all demanding or clingy
about it.  When she's sick or distressed in some way she nurses more and
I'm very happy to be able to provide some extra special comfort (and
nutrition).  And since I work almost full-time, the special warmth we
share when nursing is very important to *me*.  Laura, I don't think this
means I'm too dependent, I think it means I'm an ordinary mother! :) 
There are lots of ways of sharing our love with our children, but I
wouldn't give up this one beautiful way on the advice of anyone but my
own child.

- Cindy, Abigail's mom
Newsgroups: misc.kids