From: kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Finding Romantic Partners (long)
Date: 21 Aug 92 10:29:06 GMT
Organization: Indiana University

Kevin Brown writes:
>Larry Margolis writes:
>>dance.  Later on, they go home together.  You go home alone, nodding
>>sagely, "My statistical analysis was dead-on."

>How did you guess?  :-) :-)

I think the smileys are unwarranted here. 

>>So, by your logic, we should see women going to CS classes strictly for the
>>purpose of finding mates.  After all, the odds are in their favor.

>You expect to find computer geeks and the like in CS classes.  You expect
>to find people whose behavior matches the "geek" stereotype: wimpy, whiny,

But this is exactly my point!  (And Teri's, we actually seem to agree on
something.)  If _you_ are the only guy in that class who is neither wimpy
nor whiny nor uninteresting, then you will be the only person in that
class who has a good chance of getting a date.  

>Not irrelevent to the ratios.

But the _ratios_ are irrelvant!  (No, they are not, but they are not
relevant the way you think they are.)  Here is a semi-hypothetical
example.  I go contra dancing.  The ratio of men to women is almost
even, and there is a good turnover of people.  I dance with the
newcomers and generally get to meet and converse briefly with everyone
who attends more than once. But I do not find many prospective
partners there. Why not?  There is a gal for every guy, and often a
surplus of women. But there are not many I would like to date.  

Is there any other way I can make this point?

The hypothetical part is that i _do_ think this is a good
place to meet prospects,  at least in the larger cities.  Altho you
will find many married people at contra dances... hmmm, one of my
favorite dancers hasn't been wearing her wedding ring recently.
Perhaps it's time to make some discreet inquiries.... Try it (dance,
not inquiries.)  Houston [?] must have a dance group.  You'll meet
a diverse cross-section of people, get to flirt with women, and 
best of all, you'll get to stomp and twirl and leap about exuberantly,
and even shout.  And--you'll get to see which of the women know how to
have fun, and which ones are stuffy.

>prescribed for the chosen field.  Classes which presumably have more
>women in them.

Women you'd like to meet?  Or women with whom you won't be able to relate?

>go elsewhere.  Since then, I've been doing what *I* wanted to do.  The
>only problem with that is that there haven't been any women around.

Now I emphatically do not want to sound like whichever persons i was
arguing with here last month, but.... if what you want to do doesn't
involve women, why do you want a woman around?

>If, on the other hand, you have something to lose, then you have to
>figure out whether or not it's worth your while, and *that* is where
>it's useful to know the odds.

Well, what _do_ you have to lose in this quest to find a mate?  Most
people do lose, ya know.  So it's good that you find the odds so
overwhelming, this will save you the trouble and energy of trying.
You can, instead, spend your time making millions and then drive a
Porsche... all by yourself.  Me, I'll take a green del Sol down 101
with a friend, thankyou very much.

In other words, unless you have something big to lose, it's not
useful, and can even be counterproductive, to know the odds.  So stop
trying to persuade Teri--who is quite successful romantically--that
statistics matter, and spend the time trying to find a date.

>Somehow, I find the idea of fooling someone else into giving me what I
>want to have some appeal.  I wonder if this means that I'm turning into
>an Evil Person.  :-)

Huzzah! Hurrah!  You're learning something.  Use whatever tools you
have to to achieve your goals.  (I tend to think philosophy is one of
those tools, but hey, philosophy never got me any dates.)  
Oh, how I wish Dan were around to properly continue your education...

-- 
FUZZY PINK NIVEN'S LAW:  Never Waste Calories.  Potato chips, candy,
whipped cream, or hot fudge sundae consumption may involve you, your
dietician, your wardrobe, and other factors.  But Fuzzy Pink's Law
implies: Don't eat soggy potato chips, or cheap candy, or fake
whipped cream, or an inferior hot fudge sundae.
                Larry Niven, NIVEN'S LAWS, N-SPACE
-- 
Kiran Wagle                             <kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu>
P.O.Box 2083 Bloomington IN 47402-2083                  (812) 335-0420