From: charleen@ADS.COM (Charleen Bunjiovianna)
Subject: Re: Input/Advice Needed Regarding Office Politics
Organization: The Original Estrogen-Crazed Lust Bunnies
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 02:42:43 GMT

In article <1e29tvINNjpd@gw.home.vix.com> shedevil@gw.home.vix.com (Anne P. Mitchell, J.D.) writes:
>
>My problems, however, are twofold, one kind of major, and one slightly
>less so:
>
>I met and made a friend over the summer, prior to my starting
>full-time in August.  She had practiced law for 2 years in another
>state, and was looking for a job here.  I lined her up with our firm,
>and pushed hard to get her in.  And it worked, she's there.  *She* has
>a real problem with the fact that I am in the position I am in,
>particularly because, having 2 years more of practice experience, she
>feels that I shouldn't be in any more "inside track" position than
>her.  She is highly competitive that way, but to be honest she hasn't
>shown the initiative...in other words she could do what I'm doing too,
>or similar things, if she put forth that kind of effort.  

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you.  This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
		-- Mark Twain

Ol' Samuel Clemens had a pretty good take on people, I'd say.

This person is not your friend.  She used you to get her foot in the door,
and now she's trying to remove the most immediate threat to her position,
namely you.

>Instead, it seems the effort she has put forth has been to attempt to
>incite the other two people, culminating yesterday in a session in
>which the 3 of them, plus our secretary, went out for coffee and had a
>"bitch about Anne" session.  

I'll bet that made you feel really great when you heard about it.

>Apparently she accused me of being 
>manipulative in order to "acheive" what I have, etc.  

Oh, that's rich!  Like trying to damage you behind your back isn't
being manipulative.

>The other, slighly less major problem, but perhaps of more concern in
>a way, is that our secretary seems to feel threatened by me, or to
>resent [again] the position I am making for myself, or something along
>those lines. 

Okay.  Now, Annie, I've been there.  I've been that secretary, and there
are some things that might be relevant here.

It's a dead-end job, and secretaries are always looking for a way out.
I looked for one at every job I held, over 15 years, and I finally found
one.  It wasn't easy.

Now, the responsibility that you're trying to garner for yourself could
well be stepping on her hopes.  It happened to me once.  Our financial
analyst left, and for six months, I did the analyst's job, hoping that
they'd notice I was doing it well and promote me.  Instead they hired
someone from the outside; cold, aloof, stuck on herself, intent on making
an impression on my boss (I had him first! :-).  There was no way that
working relationship was going to work out; in fact, it ended in a screaming
match.

I don't want to see this happen to you.  I've learned some things about
office dynamics over the years:

-Women working for the same man boss often get into competition if it's
 perceived there's something to gain.  It's very much like kids vying for
 Dad's attention.  

-Women who had troubled relationships with their mothers often have 
 difficulty working for another woman.

The way to win in the secretary situation is to find out what she wants
and offer to help her get it.

Back to your ex-friend...

Sure, go out to lunch with her, but it probably won't accomplish
anything.  She'll be wary (she's not stupid).  The people you really
need to be talking to are the ones who hired you, the ones you were
getting along just fine with before the interloper came on the scene.
Find out if they're still happy with your work.  Odds are they're no
strangers to the petty politics game, and can see exactly what your
ex-friend is up to.  But get them to say that your work is fine and
they're happy with you, just to CYA.

Charleen
--
"Have you thought much about luggage, Mr. Banks?"
"No..."
"It's the central preoccupation of my life."
Newsgroups: soc.women,alt.feminism,soc.men