HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: dari@think.com (Dorothy Whitehouse)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: large 2YO, large problems
Date: 5 Nov 1992 19:22:59 GMT
Organization: Thinking Machines Corporation, Cambridge MA, USA
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: turing.think.com

HELP!! As a non-traditional parent (or single mother) things probably
always seem a bit worse than they actually are without someone else to
bounce things off, but this is bad enough to prompt me to post for the
first time.

My two year old is extremely large for his size, 40 inches, 40 pounds.  He
is in a home day-care situation that up until now has seemed alright, but
certainly not perfect.  I console myself by knowing that he is not in any
sort of danger and he is very happy, its just a mother worrying.  The
problem however, is that where Jerry is so... big, he is about 6-8 pounds
bigger than the other two boys, who are 3YO and 4YO, he often resorts to
pushing and hitting to get what he wants in lieu of sharing/waiting/trading
toys or desired objects.  Now I understand that he is still too young to
really understand the concept of sharing and with his size it is pretty
likely that people expect a bit more from him because he looks so much
older, when my provider tells me that Jerry has pushed a child off a chair
to get to the toy he was playing with, I can't help but feel both a little
helpless and extremely concerned.

The most probable recommendation is that I change daycare and find one that
provides more space (the current is very small), with a greater diversity
in ages and children in general. Cost is also another factor with regard to
any change we might need to make in the future. As a single mom, who is
still waiting for child support, my means are LIMITED.   In the meantime,
however, without actually seeing my child do the things he is purported to
be doing (while I am working to keep off the dole), are there any things
that I can be doing with him to encourage a more unilateral approach to the
concept of sharing and playing.  

Every parent wants to believe that their children are perfect, and I am no
exception... I guess I just need a little reassurance that my son is not a
"demon-seed" and is instead the lovable, adorable kind little boy that I
know him to be when he is at home with his mommy.

Thanks for any advice you can give me.
Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: sysapj@gsusgi2.gsu.edu (Arturo P. Jimenez)
Subject: Single Parent Relationships
Summary: Concern for step brother/sister relationships
Keywords: Single Parent Relationship Step Brother Family
Organization: Georgia State University
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 14:54:14 GMT


I'm a single parent raising a daughter.  Recently, I have begun dating
someone who has two boys.  My question regards the relationship situations
which typically develop between step brothers and sisters.  All the
children are currently between 4 and 5 years old.

Does anyone know of any studies which have been done about this subject?
Any comments would be appreciated.
-- 
===========================================================================
Art Jimenez                                      sysapj@gsusgi2.gsu.edu        
Georgia State University Research Foundation     Phone: (404) 651-2648
Wells Computer Center, SPIN-X Development Group   
"NUTS!" -- General A. C. McAuliffe  Bastogne, Belgium  December 22, 1944
===========================================================================
From: tigger@satyr.Sylvan.COM (Grace Sylvan)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: 20/20 SPANKING COMPLAINT
Date: 10 Nov 92 04:52:04 GMT
	<1d99kiINNod7@gazette.bcm.tmc.edu> <26037@optima.cs.arizona.edu>
Distribution: usa
Organization: Sylvan Associates

In article <26037@optima.cs.arizona.edu> shack@cs.arizona.edu (David Shackelford) writes:

   I have known several children who deliberately disobeyed to find
   out what the limits were.  They routinely broke rules which were
   enforced via timeout or loss of priviledges but followed rules
   which were enforced via spankings.  These were children of relatives,
   neighbors, and friends I grew up with.  Some of their misbehavior
   had some rather dangerous possible consequences.

I would like to point out that those parents also spanked. So perhaps
it confused the kids - they assumed that their parents where only
serious about the rules they would spank for?  Or perhaps it is
because the parents were using authoritarian parenting methods which
rely on reward/punishment for their results.

We use democratic (also called authoritative) parenting, as per STEP,
PET, Faber and Mazlish, and many others. It does not use reward and
punishment to motivate the children, it relys on mutual respect and
cooperation to accomplish results. My daughter doesn't behave for fear
of a 'timeout', she learns and behaves because she wants to
participate in whatever's going on.
-- 

Tigger (Grace Sylvan)                Mom of Katherine Yelena, 8/8/89,
tigger@satyr.sylvan.com              Corey 1/31/91; we loved him so,
                                     Robin Gregory born 2/28/92

 "It seems to me that our large goal is to find the ways to help our
 children become humane and strong."
 
              - Dr Haim Ginott quoted by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
From: nicklaus@lonetree.physics.wisc.edu (Dennis Nicklaus)
Subject: Re: Helpful Hints (was Re: Birth Announcement)
Organization: High Energy Physics
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 92 19:12:51 GMT

In article <1992Nov9.080942.29509@hemlock.cray.com>, clg@cray.com (Coni Gehler) writes:
|> In article <2383@gandalf.intel.com> linda@linda.intel.com (Linda Harbin) writes:
|> >In article <1decdqINN9oq@male.EBay.Sun.COM>, valjorge@leapyear.EBay.Sun.COM (Valerie Jorge) writes:
|> >|> 
|> >|> Need some helpful hints:  How do all of you
|> >|> manage working full time, cooking, doing
|> >		<stuff deleted>
|> >job anyway :-).  When Andrea was a baby, I also washed her clothes at least 
|> >everyother day; and when possible, I washed them with the regular load. 
|> >		<more stuff deleted>
|> 
|> This brings up a question I have:  Sam is 7 months old, and I've been washing
|> his clothes separately, in Dreft.  When do I dare to try washing his clothes
|> with ours (we use Tide), and how long would it take for any adverse reaction
|> to show itself?  And when do I dare to use fabric softener sheets in the dryer
|> Coni Gehler
|> clg@cray.com

Just my personal opinion:  I think the whole "use special detergent, wash separately"
business is a lot of hooey (unless you work on an oil-drilling rig or something).

We have a 8mo. old girl, Liana.  At first, we washed most of her stuff
separately with the Dreft, but after a couple months, it became a lot
more practical to just put it all together and sort-by-colors.
We still have a little Dreft left over, but mostly use UNSCENTED tide.
It doesn't matter a bit. I guess some kids may be allergic to
one type of detergent over another, but I don't believe Dreft is that
much less likely to produce a reaction than one of the Unscented, dye-free varieties.
I probably wouldn't have really bothered with the Dreft if we weren't
completely clueless over-careful first time parents.
We have been using dryer softener anti-static sheets for a few months already.
(Mostly for the anti-static now that winter is here).

Andrea's mom also said something I found interesting -- the bit about
washing her clothes every other day.  My wife gets into that mode
sometimes.  Unless you have cloth diapers, that seems like such 
a waste of time to me. Unless it is 
badly soiled, just throw the kids clothes in the hamper and do them on
wash day.  If badly soiled or (as was our major problem the 1st couple months)
badly stained with formula, then maybe wash them out by hand for a minute
and put in a separate place until dry.  

Just my opinions, of course.
Liana just started ofically (on hands and knees, not just with arms) crawling
Tuesday!  What a cutie pie!

Dennis
From: janem@hpfcdc.fc.hp.com (Jane Marcus)
Date: Wed, 4 Nov 1992 15:42:19 GMT
Subject: Re: Our parents and spanking  Re: 20/20 and Spanking
Organization: HP Fort Collins, Co.
Newsgroups: misc.kids

>So, if you were raised in a home where your parents spank, and they didn't
>do so in an abusive manner, AND you oppose spanking, I'd sure like to hear
>briefly why you do

I was spanked upon occasion as a kid.  I respect and love my parents,
and thank them for their efforts; they did the best job with parenting
that they knew how.  However, I do not use my parents' method of 
discipline on my children.  

I would have to say that spanking and an authoritarian atmosphere in
my own upbringing was counter-productive.  It sometimes made me fear
my dad, the big authority figure.  I almost never talked with my dad
about important things, and he only became a true friend to me later
in life when I was able to relate to him as an adult.

Another big reason why I don't use spanking is that I do not want
my kids to think that anyone has power over their bodies.  Their bodies
belong to them, not me.  I do not have absolute authority over their
bodies just because I am their parent.  I feel very sure that my kids
will not be a likely target for some sick authority figure out there
(eg. teacher, clergy person, etc.) that would wish to abuse my kids.
I have to set an example for my kids that all persons are deserving of
respect and privacy.

Personally, I do not have any authoritarian goals for raising my kids.
I don't want them to be afraid of me or any authority.   I believe that 
I can earn their respect without spanking them.  My goal is that they 
grow up to be decent people who like themselves.  

Jane Marcus
jane@apollo.hp.com
From: alanj@endeavor18.tek.com (Alan Jeddeloh)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Mom worried over poop
Date: 10 Nov 92 19:30:59 GMT
Reply-To: Alan.Jeddeloh@tek.com
Distribution: usa
Organization: Tektronix, Inc.

My wife has gotten herself into a major worry over Laura's (13 months) BM's.
Over the last several days Laura's poops have become progressively softer
until they are practically diarrhea.  They have also lightened to the color of
butter.  Frequency has increased from a nominal 1 per day to a nominal 2 per
day.  Yesterday Jan (my wife) called the doctor and talked to the nurse, who
was not significantly concerned, except to say they would be worried if the
BM's turned white and/or Laura became jandiced.

We have not had any changes in diet, although when this started we increased
Laura's intake of rice and bananas.  This hasn't had a significant effect.

Yesterday Laura's grandparents said they thought she acted a bit like she had
an upset tummy, and this morning Laura had a couple episodes where she behaved
like she was having cramps (sudden crying spells, writhing in her high chair,
etc., then just a suddenly she would be ok).

Laura's eyes have remained pure white, but Jan is literally losing sleep over
this.  I could use some reassurances to take home tonight.  One co-worker
suggested it could be teething - we're expecting a molar one of these days.
Laura has not had any real problems with teeth before, though, much less than
the average.

--
    Alan Jeddeloh      W:(503) 685-2991  H:(503) 292-9740
    Tektronix, Inc.; D/S 60-850; PO Box 1000; Wilsonville, OR 97070
    Alan.Jeddeloh@tek.com          <This space for rent.>
    You can put the children to bed, but you can't make them sleep!
From: bh437292@longs.LANCE.ColoState.Edu (Basil Hamdan)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: a new fun thread??
Date: 5 Nov 92 19:16:55 GMT
Article-I.D.: yuma.Nov05.191655.57148
Reply-To: bh437292@lance.colostate.edu
Organization: Engineering College, Colorado State University

In article <1992Nov5.185056.28543@cbnews.cb.att.com>, klj@cbnews.cb.att.com (karen.l.carr) writes:
|> In article <1d99f1INNdl8@mizar.usc.edu>, biddleco@mizar.usc.edu (Susan Biddlecomb) writes:
|> > Has anyone accused you of kidnapping your daughters? 
|> 
|> I've been waiting for someone to say something to either my husband or
|> myself.  My husband is white and I am black.  Alison right now is somewhere
|> between the two of us -- either a very light-colored black or a more
|> Italian looking white (I used Italian since her great-grandmother is
|> Italian).  So far, nothing.  Of course, this could change when my daughter
|> gets older!
|> 
|> 	Karen

I am rather dark skinned and my wife is as white as a sheet, so our
daughter had dark black hair and olive skin when she was born.
Since my wife is blond, when she would go out in public with Kelsey,
without me, people would ask her if she was adopted.
Now Kelsey's hair has turned to auburn/blond, and _I_'m the one that
gets the dirty looks when I'm with her without my wife.
People are never happy.

Basil
From: janem@hpfcdc.fc.hp.com (Jane Marcus)
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 19:58:27 GMT
Subject: Re: Examples for discussion (was Re: Plain Talk About Spanking (long))
Organization: HP Fort Collins, Co.
Newsgroups: misc.kids

>"You tell your 6 YO that you need to vacuum the floor and he needs to pick
>up his toys.  An hour later and the toys are not picked up."

We have a variation of this sometimes.  I have a rule that all toys must
be picked up by bedtime.  The reason is that if my kid calls me in
the middle of the night, I don't want to be tripping over toys when I
come in to help her.  I explain this reasoning to my kids.  So if toys 
are not picked up by bedtime, then I will pick them up myself.  But then 
I will not have time to lie in bed with my kid to tell stories and sing 
songs before sleep time.  So not picking up toys means no special time 
with mom.  This is very effective and we've only missed our special time 
on a very few occasions.

>"Your 15 year old is supposed to be home at 8 PM.  It is now 10 PM and 
>and your child comes sauntering into the house."
>
This is just speculation since I don't have a teenager to deal with
yet.  But what do you think of this:
First give the kid a hug, tell her you were very worried about her
and are glad that she is home safely.  Then sit down with her and
get an explanation of why she was late, and whether she thinks the
fun she had was worth making you so worried and upset.  So the logical
consequence is old-fashioned guilt.

Jane Marcus
jane@apollo.hp.com
Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: myk@vax5.cit.cornell.edu
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Cute things they say
Date: 6 Nov 92 11:43:01 EST
Summary: antimacassar
Reply-To: Michael_Oltz@cornell.edu
Distribution: world
Organization: Interactive Multimedia Group, Cornell University

Those things on chairs to protect the chair from hair oil are called
antimacassars.  They are named after Rowland's Macassar Oil, a 19th-
century hair preparation made from oil imported from the island of
Macassar.  Apparently this product was so popular that it necessitated
the addition of such protection.  The product is mentioned in one of
the Alice books by Lewis Carroll; I don't remember whether it is in
"You Are Old, Father William" or in the scene with the White Knight.
Pronunciation: ann-tee-muh-KASS-ur
--------
Michael_Oltz@cornell.edu
From: tigger@satyr.Sylvan.COM (Grace Sylvan)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Not Limiting Sweets (was Re: Halloween Stories)
Date: 7 Nov 92 22:02:46 GMT
	<1992Nov5.182103.1515@adobe.com>
Distribution: usa
Organization: Sylvan Associates

We generally don't limit Katherine (she's the kid who will ask for
frozen yogurt at Fresh Choice near the beginning of the meal and
alternate eating it with peas (ugh!)).

But I do assume that if she asks for a snack right before mealtime
that it's because she's hungry. So I reply, "I guess you're hungry, I
am too (I usually am), and I'm busy cooking dinner right now" and then
we check out what's for dinner and all that stuff. Usually this
distraction (which does acknowledge the request for food) is enough to
put her off. Or I'll offer her a drink of juice.

It's only been a couple of times that she's been unwilling to wait.
-- 

Tigger (Grace Sylvan)                Mom of Katherine Yelena, 8/8/89,
tigger@satyr.sylvan.com              Corey 1/31/91; we loved him so,
                                     Robin Gregory born 2/28/92

 "It seems to me that our large goal is to find the ways to help our
 children become humane and strong."
 
              - Dr Haim Ginott quoted by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
From: kim@agx.usu.edu (Kim Barnard)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Gestational Diabetes
Date: 10 Nov 92 16:26:37 GMT
Article-I.D.: agx.kim.5.721412797
Organization: Utah State University (USU)

Hi John,

I had gestational diabetes with my second baby.  My doctor kept trying to 
ignored the spilled sugar in my urine because I wasn't "at risk" for it.  
So, by the time he finally tested for it (at 34 weeks) it was out of 
control.  I had to go on insulin immediately.  I also had to monitor my 
blood after every meal and go on a very strict diet.  My family was 
mortified.  They didn't understand diabetes very well and had a lot of 
misconceptions about it.  It really wasn't that bad though.  Our hospital 
has a very good education system and I was assigned to a lady that taught me 
all about the shots, monitoring, and helped me with the diet.  That helped 
immensly.

The diabetes went away as soon as the baby was born.  The baby was 10 lbs 12 
oz at birth.  My OB had told me that she would probably have to stay in the 
hospital for a few days for monitoring to make sure she didn't have 
withdrawal (low blood sugar) after having all that sugar in her system.  
But, she was just fine when she was born and we went home the next day.

A lot of people thought the baby would have diabetes when she was born.  
They thought it was the baby that had the diabetes.  That is mistaken.  It 
was explained to me that it is actually caused by a placenta that is TOO 
efficient.  The placenta is storing more sugar than the baby needs so the 
mother gets the excess and her system doesn't have enough insulin to handle 
all that excess sugar.  Did that make sense?

Anyway, the bottom line is that after the baby was born all was well.  I was 
warned over and over by every medical professional I met during the whole 
experience that if I wasn't careful about my diet and weight throughout my 
life my chances of getting diabetes in later life were 25% greater than the 
normal Tom, Dick and Harry.  So, I have greatly modified my eating habits, 
mostly watching fat, which we should all be doing anyway, right?

I am now 17 weeks pregnant with my third child.  I have a different and much 
better doctor this time.  I started back on the "diabetes" diet as soon as I 
found out I was pregnant.  I haven't been quite as strict as I had to be 
before.  So far I haven't spilled any sugar.  My doctor is going to give me a
test at 24 weeks instead of the usually 28 and continue to monitor me very 
closely.  So far I have lost weight instead of gaining.  The doctor is not 
sure what to think of that, but the baby is growing fine and everything is 
going well so far.

Sorry this is so long.  I have a really good article on this that a lady 
wrote when she got gestational diabetes.  I could send you a copy if your 
wife would like.  Good luck and keep in touch and let me know how it goes.

Kim
Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: cathy@octel.com (Cathy Kearns)
Subject: Re: New mother questions
Organization: Octel Communications Inc., Milpitas Ca.
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 00:37:18 GMT

>In article <1992Nov10.222550.21577@njitgw.njit.edu> sylvia@maple.njit.edu (sylvia gray ) writes:
>>HI,
>>I am new to this news group.  I am also new to anything and probably
>>most everything having to do with children.  I am currently about
>>22 weeks pregnant.  Some questions I have to prepare for the upcoming
>>event (d*mn I'm scared).  Hope you don't mind.

Well, with the infinite wisdom that comes with having one three year old...

>>1.  I just started buying some furniture (and boy are they expensive).
>>One of the things that was suggested to get was a baby bathtub.
>>I was originally thinking something along the lines of a nice dishpan
>>since all I thought was the baby bath would just hold water and keep
>>the baby more or less localized (as opposed to a bathtub) and I would
>>then proceed to the sink.  Someone said I really should get a good
>>(and expensive,  about $40-50 he quoted) bathtub.  WHY?  What am I
>>missing?  

I don't know... we washed our daughter in the kitchen sink, until she
got too big... then we put her in the tub with me until she was quite
stable herself.

>>2.  I have decided to use disposables (please don't flame me for this
>>decision).  Some mothers told me how their kids were getting a rash from
>>using Pampers (I guess from the fragrance or something).  Has anyone else
>>had this problem?   Is there any problems with using say the store brand
>>diapers?  And from what I read, they say to buy a months worth of diapers
>>in advance (about 300 -350)?  Do you agree with this?

Didn't try disposable right off (though they were great for traveling and
day trips ... your bags got lighter instead of heavier.) but I would think
300 newborn diapers is a bit high.  We did go through ~ 100 cloth diapers
a week at first, then again we used them for spit up and clean up and....

>>3.  Soaps.  They say to use a detergent free soap.  What does this mean?
>>Ivory maybe and not any deodarent (sp?) soaps like Dial?  What about
>>Lever 2000?

We just used the baby bath. She didn't have any problems with dry skin or
rashes.

>>4.  Laundry detergent.  What is so special about Dreft and Ivory Snow?
>>What about some of the others that are fill-in-the-blank-free like
>>Cheer (fragrance and dye and maybe something else free)?

We had luck just using normal "Fresh Start" detergent we had always
used.  Didn't seem to bother her.

>>5.  One last question (for now).  This is not a baby question.
>>The linea negra (or something) that appears when you are pregnant,
>>I assume it goes away later after you give birth.  In my case I have
>>had this line (or zipper as my husband calls it) for as long as I can 
>>remember.  Any comments? (I don't expect it to go away after birth)

My linea negra went away after about 5 months.  My stretch marks have 
faded, but have not gone away entirely.

Good luck.

							Cathy
Newsgroups: misc.kids
From: m13079@mwunix (Mary Anne Walters)
Subject: Breech position, and turning
Organization: MITRE Corporation, McLean VA
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 13:23:32 GMT

Isn't it always the way?  Someone begins a thread and you ignore it only
to need the info later.  <sigh>

My last sonogram indicated the baby in breech position.  This is a new one
for me -- Alex was so big so early he never really had the space to turn about
and stayed in the head down position for months.  Now, even though I have about
2 months left I feel I should be prepared.  So, if you have info on exercises
to turn a breech baby, or on positions that help encourage turning, send them
on.  If possible, send them to me at ma@id.com rather than replys to this note.
I especially want to get a description of the ironingboard story recently
posted.

I really want to avoid a c-section due to breech if possible, so I plan to
do everything I can to encourage this kid to roll.  Any advice is greatly
appreciated!

Another note:  I read The American Way of Birth yesterday.  The clear
focus of the book is against the "male-dominated" medical profession
but the statistics offered are very interesting, as are some of the
historical facts on things like the invention of foreceps and their early
use.  I was glad to note that among healthcare and hospitals, Kaiser seems
to be noted for its lower than average C-section rate.  For a historical
picture of birth and (especially) a look at the midwife
situation in the US (and what the AMA is doing to squelch its rise) I
would recommend it. 

Thanks in advance :-)

 
--
--Mary Anne  
"What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all
that we love deeply becomes a part of us."  Helen Keller
                                                 [for Alexander]
From: erik@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Erik Lode)
Date: Wed, 4 Nov 1992 21:51:33 GMT
Subject: Re: Bubblegum Tip
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA