From: zuhars@madrone.eecs.ucdavis.edu (Gary Overshadowed By Fate Huckabay)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.baseball
Subject: Re: NY MET ENVY
Date: 9 Apr 92 17:47:50 GMT
Organization: Netsters Fed Up With Chowderheads, Inc. [Huggy Division]

chen70@wharton.upenn.edu writes:
>For all those idiots and athletic supporters of loser teams such as the
>Cubs, etc, it's really discouraging to see the rampent level of MET ENVY,

Blow me a kiss, Sweetheart.  A yuplarva who thinks he's clever.
Perhaps some aerial spraying will fix *THAT* right up.

>Before we give a bit of our wisdom,

That's nice of you.  It has been my personal experience that business
school dweebs are unwilling to share what they have little or nothing
of.  It's nice to see an exception.

>we will make sure that indeed
>only people reading this will be of sound mind, and not waste their
>precious few brain cells.  

This from someone who believes neurons were enemies of the federation
in Star Trek.

>Here is a simple diagnostic test for MET ENVY:
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>If you actually wasted time and brain power calculating and writing 
>about the impossibility of the METS going 80-8, you definitely have 
>MET ENVY.  In addition, poking fun at Wharton is a symptom of BRAIN
>ENVY, which does not even belong in this category. 
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poking fun at Wharton is a symptom of brain envy?  We're not TOO
insecure about ourselves, are we?  I'll lay odds that you have a 
personalized license plate, and probably play on at least one intramural
sports team with an unfunny semisexual euphemism for a name.

>OK, for those normal people still with us, here is the true and logical
>reasoning behind the METS eventual '92 divisonal crown.

Ah, the 'meat' of the post.

>1)  Superior starting pitching; only the Reds have it better.  I don't 
>give a sh*t what happened to Saberhagen (in fact I refuse to acknowledge
>the existance of that game).  Gooden, Saberhagen, Cone, Fernandez, and
>possibly Anthony Young make up a truly superior rotation.  Nobody else in
>the division is even three-deep in quality starters.

Correct, basically.  Pittsburgh's certainly not HURTING, though.

>2)  Three of the top ten power hitting switch hitters of all time batting
>in 3-4-5 slots.  Bonilla and HOJO are top-notch, and Murray will probably
>knock in 90+ runs.  

Yep.  Their 3-4-5 hitters look pretty good.  So do everyone else's,
with the possible exception of St. Louis.

>3)  The most disruptive force in baseball-VINCE COLEMAN (when he's on 
>base) .  Has shown improvement in OBP, taking walks, and even bunting

True enough.  He's certainly disruptive to his own team.  Consumes
outs like Nell Carter consumes pork rinds.  Can't play defense.  And
you can't steal first base.

>4)  Good veteran leadership: even F**N Bill Pecota has a world series ring

Ooo.

>5)  a great manager in Jeff Torborg; he's the leader this club of emotional
>players needs- a no B**S** knid of guy

Look, I don't mind your use of profanity.  But what sort of person
not only USES profanity, but MISSPELLS it, to boot?

>6)  The same defense attorney who aided William Kennedy Smith, which 
>virtually insures the services of Cone, Coleman, Gooden, and every other
>potential felon on the team for a full year

Boy, that'll make me envy the Mets.  Perhaps you can get Arlen "You
guys got it wrong - CLARENCE Thomas is God, not Frank!" Specter to
root for the team as well.  Perhaps sign Jeffrey Dahmer to a one-year
deal.

>7)   Magadan and Randolph will both again set the table for the big boys,
>getting on base at least 40% of the time

Wanna bet?  A .400 OBP combined?  I got a net.bet that says NEITHER one
makes that point.

>8)  Excellent bullpen ace in John Franco

What?!?  Franco's mediocre as a closer, at best.  Look at his 1991.
In Shea, a pitcher's park.  He's weak.

>9)  Good proven supporting cast in bullpen-Burke, Whitehurst, Innis, etc.

Tim Burke.  My Hero.

>10) the defense isn't as bad as the ANTI-MET FANS hope; Hundley, Pecota,
>Randolph, Murray, and Bonilla are at least average.  Hojo is an excellent
>athlete who will adjust to center field-trust me, I picked him for a 30-30
>man back in '83 with Detroit

Bonilla is a butcher.  Randolph is smart, but is old and breaks
like a glacier with G-I problems.  Hundley and Pecota aren't likely to
hit anything.  HoJo may well adjust to CF, or he may not.  Even if
he does, you still have Coleman in the field.  Brrr.

>If this isn't enough to convince you, how about the REAL five reasons why 
>the METS WILL WIN

>2) Montreal is too young, and will probably give away their remaining 
>talented players, because nobody wants to play there.  By the way, I get

I wasn't aware there was an age requirement for victory.  Has anyone
informed the '91 Braves?  Revoke that NL Crown!

>3)  Philadelphia is hopeless.  I read the local papers every day, and the
>writers know about as much as the management, which is sh*t.

From an expert.

>Unless
>Dykstra can play one-handed and do a mean Babe Ruth imitation, the lineup
>completely lacks a legitimate number four hitter.  The equation for 
>Philly in '92 reads: unstable pitching + unproven talent = cellar dweller

This answers a question I had about your reading skills.  Thanks for
clearing that up.

>4)  Pittsburgh has sold the farm.  Leyland will be managing the Pennsylvania
>Quakers pretty soon.  That Smiley trade was a joke - Neagle may have won
>twenty games in the minors, but he relies too much on control and won't
>fool anybody.  Nice bullpen ace -I've seen better arms on a chair. 

Do you HONESTLY think the Mets wouldn't trade Franco and Burke for
Stan and Skippy Belinda in a second?  Then you're more foolish than
you appear - and THAT, my friend, boggles the mind.

>Sincerely, Rubahadas     

Sincerely.  Wow.  So you really MEAN and BELIEVE this tripe.


-- 
*    Gary Huckabay    * "They sent Brosius down."  "So Lansford has the job?" *
*   "A considerably   * "Yep.  And it looks like Bordick has won the 2B job." *
*  shorter fuse than  * "I guess I better make postseason plans now." "Good   *
*    Sherri Nichols." *  idea.  Call Puget Sound Airways." - GH & EG.         *
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