From: Susan R Pence <srpence@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>
Subject: Re: a reason???
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 02:56:40 GMT
X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.3 PL11]

Sarah <SCG107@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:

>Let me see... where did it go?? I know I had a reason here a while ago, but
>it seems to have wandered off... Maybe if I describe it you can keep an eye
>open for it, and email it back to me. Its a fairly large reason, the one that
>keeps me going to class, doing my work, not hurting myself, trying to deal
>with my shit.

 I wish I could somehow GIVE it to you, but logically I know that we each must
find it true within ourselves. Nothing anyone says, no matter how caring or 
wise can sustain us in the long term until we KNOW it as true within ourselves.
 I think that's what healing is about, KNOWING ---deep inside your "knower"---
that there is a reason to go on, you are very valuable regardless of 
circumstances/feelings/other people. I'm not real good at saying it well, but I 
can share some gleanings I have saved and turned to during some desparate times 
when I did not know "a reason" to go on, when it seemed like my faith wasn't 
strong enough, my friends weren't near enough, and the reason to just quit were 
staring me eye to eye. I've reread this list so many times. I was tempted to 
paste it up on my bathroom mirror at one point but was scared who might see it. 
I didn't want them to know how difficult things were, I didn't want them to 
know what was going on inside.
  With apologies to those whose names I did not save at the time they posted
and my utmost gratitude to all who I quote here (whether identified or not) I'd
like to post a favorite file of mine (I titled it "Why?"), a gleaning from asar
of reasons to go on in healing. Perhaps it will benefit someone else like it
has me.

                              Why?

And I've lost sight of why I'm putting myself through all of this.
Can anyone give me a reason?


Because the bastards who hurt you don't deserve to win, and they will win
 if you can't overcome your pain and take your life and hold it tightly
 and savor every moment from now on. Because you are precious.
 Because you have a life to live, and you have the right and duty to live
 it to the hilt. Because, if you live your life well, you will have
 victory over the evil people in your past, and a symbolic victory over
 all of the evil people who have hurt children. Because you owe it to
 yourself to get past the pain and enjoy life, and love and laugh and
 cry sometimes, and hold and hug and dream and feel and savor.


All you wanted was love, from the only people in your life that were
 important to you, and you did what you had to to get it.


IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!! It was *NEVER* your fault!!!!!!!


You are the child, he bears all the guilt, you are blameless.
You are not shameful, a slut, yes, Lady, you *ARE* innocent!!!


Remember - you are important, you are valuable, you are precious


Don't beat yourself up, you have done nothing wrong.
Just try to take care of *YOU*!!!

  changeling



It is a rough place, and it is painful going through it, but you can do it.

 Nancy Agnew



END OF FILE
(Thanks folks, for helping me through some really rough times.)

Sarah continues:
>I can just feel the people who know me and read asar starting to worry...

Kinda scary sometimes to have people care isn't it?
It will get better.

>I suppose I could just keep telling you everything is okay, but why bother??
>It takes too much energy anyway.

Not telling doesn't help. I, for one, will take my chances and listen to
whatever you need to share.

Susan