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Newsgroups: bit.listserv.politics
Date:         Fri, 22 Jan 1993 09:51:18 EST
From:         Kerry Stephenson <KSTE@PURCCVM.BITNET>
Subject:      I'm Ba-aaaack...

Good Morrow, All:

After something of an absence, I have returned to the list.  (Go on,
you knew I would.)

I have a few comments on recent postings, and a few additional observations
to make.  Now that I am officially an oppressed minority in these United
States, I get to express my dissent.  Yippee.  (Hi, Carl; Hi, Robert.
My condolences on the last several months of disasters).

Of recent vintage from this list:

=====================================
>BTW what has 48 million legs, 187 million handguns, and no conscience?
>I believe they call themselves the Christian New Right.
>T.
===========================================
ME:  Ah, yes.  And so it begins.  Isn't it nice to know that we have
     all become so "re-united" (and it feels so good--see, the
     new Big Guy isn't the exclusive recaller of bad songs from
     the 1970s :-) )  Now that we have all agreed (all 40% of
     "us") to become one with the rock, the tree, the river,
     and other minority groups, it's nice to know that there are
     still a few folks out there it's all right to hate (and,
     of course, Christians are at the top of the list this time
     around).  BTW, does anyone know the name of Maya Angelou's
     poem?  "Homage to the Great god Bill" seems just too obvious.
     I'm betting on "Rap to the Wind and Other Close Friendz (with
     unauthorized sampling from the Bible)".
     One more thing on this particular posting:  Get your terminology
     straight.  It is (or, rather, was) "The New Right," the "New
     Christian Right," or the NCR.  Unless there's a new movement
     in process (and I'm not for a minute assuming that there
     isn't), there's no such thing as the "Christian New Right."
     On top of that, the term died with the Moral Majority; it is
     now used only in the historical sense (as befits something
     labeled "new" in the 1980s).

     Contentious comment Numero Two-O:

=================================
Randall Terry was in town last week. He told the woman pastor of a
local church that she is a jezabel and stood outside the church
admonishing those about to enter service that they would go to hell
if they took communion from this woman.Any of the lawyer types on
the list know if this could be interpreted as slander?
===================================
     I am not a lawyer.  (I don't even play one on tv.)  But
     I think I can shed a bit of light here (and a bit ought to
     do, since we flounder now in outer darkness).  First,
     the word is "Jezebel."  Second, in order to prove slander,
     I think a judge would have to determine a) that "Jezebel"
     was bad; and b) that being bad is something to be shamed
     by.  These days, I don't think you could find a judge that
     could find that.  And you certainly aren't going to find
     a lawyer (though we are thick with them these days, indeed)
     that would argue it.  No, I think Randy Terry will have to
     be content with the multiple convictions he is under for
     praying in public (note to Christians: pun not intended.)

So, okay.  Now that all that is out of our way, let's get to the
meat.

Predictions for the Clinton Administration:

1.  Before the end of next week, look for an Executive Order setting
    aside the Health and Human Services Regulations regarding federally
    funded family planning agencies (for those who get all their news
    on this issue from the highly unbiased pamphlets handed out by
    NARAL at Democrat party rallies, this is also known as the "Gag
    Rule").

2.  Hilary will find a way to get involved in the UN, most likely
    by filling the post left vacant by the death of Audrey Hepburn.
    Since that doesn't require the permission of anybody but the UN,
    it seems like a natural for her.  (BTW, isn't it a bit odd that
    Audrey Hepburn's death was announced by the UN?  I always thought
    that sort of thing was done by family and trusted family solicitors).

3.  Private and (especially) religous schools will find themselves
    swamped with applications as soon as the new administration starts
    tinkering with the public system.  Everybody that can get out will.

4.  Billy Graham will die before the end of this administration.  His
    last words will be "It is a fearsome thing to fall into the hands
    of an angry God."

5.  Zoe Baird will be forgotten, and will return to exile in her
    $660,000 a year job.  Her next nanny will be fully papered
    and *very carefully* screened.

6.  Carol Mosely Braun will bring disgrace to the Senate.  (Hard to
    imagine what might actually be able to do *that*, but she'll
    manage somehow.)

7.  Bill Clinton will have a throat operation and come out suspiciously
    robotic.  The Christic Institute will issue a press release
    accusing Al Gore of a "telepathic coup".

8.  The Weekly World News Alien and Gennifer Flowers will appear on
    the Psychic Friends Network (by then a weekly series on NBC,
    in a desperate attempt to replace Letterman) to discuss their
    relationships with President Clinton.  The alien will offer to
    run for President "if people in all 50 states will put my
    name on the ballot, my daughter's wedding goes off without a
    hitch, and you all agree to move to the planet Zamfir."  Response
    will be immediate, enabling GE to sell NBC to Sam's Club for
    only a slight loss.  Sam's Club will break NBC into its component
    parts and sell them to average people across the fruited plain.

9.  Madonna will realize that no one likes her anymore and, in a
    tragic imitation of her idol, Marilyn Monroe, she will sleep
    with the President (and his brother.)

10.  Roger Clinton will form a band with Billy Ray Cyrus and
     whatever's left of Fleetwood Mac.  Security at the Presidential
     compound will be doubled, especially around the ce-ment pond.

11.  Roger Clinton will quit the band to become "a double naught
     spy."  The Christic Institute will launch an investigation.

12.  Lawrence Walsh will take up permanent residence in the
     DC home for People Who Don't Know When to Give Up, where
     he will share space with Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter,
     The Fat Elvis Stamp, and Lyndon LaRouche.

13.  The land will vomit forth its inhabitants, yea, and there
     will be....Oh, sorry.  Wasn't 'sposed to mention that.  Just
     ignore it.

Well, that's enough for now.  Don't forget, boys and girls:  Support
your local Planned Parenthood ("Planned Parenthood.  The McDonalds
of Reproductive Prevention.  Over 30 Million Killed.")

See ya,

 --Kerry (no, not *that* Kerry).
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