From: c8923075@frey.newcastle.edu.au (Chris Baird)
Subject: [9F07] Mr. Plow
Keywords: simpsons
Organization: University of Newcastle Maths department, Oz.
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 10:23:23 GMT

One again Raymond `Radioactive Man' Chen has made with the cookies.
'Tis my fault this wasn't posted earlier..

-- 
Chris `The Capsule Channeler' Baird,,

<Ctrl-L>

Mr. Plow                                                   Written by Jon Vitti
                                                        Directed by Jim Reardon
===============================================================================
[$Id$]
===============================================================================

> TV Guide synopsis

Homer and Barney become bitter competitors in the snow-plowing
business, until Homer tries a trick that turns into tragedy.  Linda
Ronstady and Adam West have cameos.  Other voices:  Dan Castellaneta,
Harry Shearer.

> Title sequence

>> Blackboard
        {A burp is not an answer}.
        {A burp is not an an} at cutoff.

>> Lisa's solo
        Fragmented.

>> Couch

        Finding only a single chair where the couch used to be, the entire
        family sit on it.

> Quotes and scene summary

%
% Television.

Live, from beautiful Malaki Island (``We're not just for lepers any more''),
it's ``Carnival of the Stars''!
-- Troy McClure hosts another stupid television show, ``Mr. Plow''

I'm your host, Troy McClure.  You may remember me from such films as
``The Erotic Adventures of Hercules'' and ``Dial M for Murderousness''!
-- Troy McClure hosts another stupid television show, ``Mr. Plow''

% Homer watches from Moe's Tavern.  Krusty's tiger-taming act runs into some
% unfortunate problems (``Not the face!''), so Bart and Lisa (watching at
% home) switch to that Mexican television program about the guy dressed in a
% bee suit.  Meanwhile, Marge calls and asks Homer to come home, since it is
% starting to snow.  Homer can't see through his windshield it is snowing so
% hard, and cannot stop in time to avoid rear-ending another car.  He gets out
% of the car, the car's air bag inflates, and Homer takes pleasure in the fact
% that the other car is damaged as badly as his own.  Until he realizes that
% he is standing in his own driveway.  He hit Marge's car.
%
% As the tow truck takes the fused cars away, the insurance adjuster completes
% his interview.

Agent: Now, before I give you the check, one more question.  This place
       ``Moe's'' you left just before the accident.  This is a business of
       some kind?
Homer: [thinks]  Don't tell him you were at a bar!  Gasp!  But what else
       is open at night?
       [aloud] It's a pornography store.  I was buying pornography.
       [thinks]  Heh heh heh.  I would'a never thought of that.
-- How not to throw an insurance agent off the scent, ``Mr. Plow''

% Homer hitch-hikes to Crazy Vlaclav's Place of Automobiles and tries a
% sub-mini-compact.

She'll go 300 hectares on a single tank of kerosene.
-- Crazy Vlaclav tries to sell Homer a car, ``Mr. Plow''

% Though Homer has trouble understanding the Cyrillic characters on the
% dashboard.  Next stop, the Springfield Auto Show.

Kids!  If we buy a new car, we get our parking validated for free!
-- Homer takes the kids to a car show, ``Mr. Plow''

% Bart plays in the Bonnie and Clyde Death Car, and discovers money hidden
% in the glove compartment.  Lisa observes crash-test video by Fourth Reich
% Motors---and brings the demonstration to an early end when she points out
% the crash test dummies are real people.  Seated next to the Batmobile is...

Homer: Gasp!  Adam West!  [calling] Kids!  Batman!
Lisa:  Dad, that's not the real Batman.
Adam West: Of <course> I'm the real Batman.  [shows a glossy]
       Here's a picture of me with Robin.
Bart:  Who the hell is Robin?
-- Kid today, ``Mr. Plow''

Michelle Pfeiffer?  Ha!  The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee
Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.
-- Adam West muses, ``Mr. Plow''

% The reminiscences continue, and Homer draws the kids away, very slowly.
% And bumps into a Kumatsu Motors snowplough.  Homer imagines what he could use
% it for...

Homer, I've got to sneak these valuable artworks out of the White House,
but I can't get out of the driveway because of these protesters!
-- President George Bush moves out of the White House, ``Mr. Plow''

% Homer imagines plowing through the crowd.  Back in reality, Homer realizes
% he can't afford to buy it, but the salesman tells him he could use the
% plow itself to make money by plowing driveways.

Homer:    Well, I really should discuss this with my wife.
Salesman: [scoffs] Your wife? [cracks an imaginary whip]
Homer:    What, you think I'm going to buy a $20,000 truck just because you
          make that noise?
Salesman: [does it again]  [and again]  [and again]
Homer:    [on his knees]  I'll take it!
-- ``Mr. Plow''

% [End of Act One.  Time: 5:17]
%
% Marge learns of Homer's purchase.

Marge: I can't believe you bought that plow.  We can't afford it!
Homer: If you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid,
       then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!
Marge: Good!
Homer: Fine!  I'll never, ever, ever do another stupid thing.  Good night!
       [angrily turns to leave and walks face-first into the side of the truck]
Marge: [concerned] Oh, Homey.  Didn't that hurt?
Homer: [quietly]  No.
-- I meant to do that, ``Mr. Plow''

% Homer finishes placing advertising flyers on every car in the parking lot,
% only to have them blown away by a gust of wind.  He spots Barney dressed
% in nothing but a baby bonnet and diapers trying to hand out flyers for
% ``Lullabuy$'', a baby store.  He muses, ``Well, at least I can't sink any
% lower.''  His diaper blows away.  Barney runs naked down the street in
% pursuit.  Upon turning the corner, he says, ``Hi, Ma!''
%
% Homer approaches the altar to read from the epistles of Saint Paul, but
% instead takes the opportunity to advertise his snow-plow business.  But
% not for long.
%
% Lisa suggests bying cheap commercial time on channel 92, and points Homer
% at an advertisement for CDs of Captain McAlister singing sea shanties.
% Homer is impressed.
%
% Late at night, Homer settles on the couch with the family to watch the
% commercial---at 3:17 in the morning.

It may be on a lousy channel, but The Simpsons are on TV!
-- Homer proudly introduces his television debut, ``Mr. Plow''

% Then proceeds a cheap commercial starring The Simpsons, selling, not
% candy bars or mini-vans, but Homer's snow-plow commercial.

Homer: [narrating a TV commercial]
       Are you tired of having your hands cut off by snowblowers?
       And the inevitable heart attacks that come with shoveling snow?
Bart+Lisa: Uh-huh!
-- Homer's TV commercial as... ``Mr. Plow''

Commercial-Homer: Call now and receive a free T-shirt!
Homer: [watching at home, raises a ``Stockdale for VP'' T-shirt]
       He could still surprise ya!
-- but can he hear ya?  ``Mr. Plow''

My prices are so low, you'll think I suffered brain damage!
-- Truth in advertising, in Homer's TV commercial as... ``Mr. Plow''

% Bart asks, ``You <are> fully bonded and licensed by the city, aren't
% you, Mr. Plow?''  Homer answers out of the corner of his mouth, ``Shut
% up, boy.''  The commercial concludes with an incredibly inane jingle.
% Followed by channel 92's test pattern.  Homer waits for the phone to
% ring, then decides ``Ah, the waiting game sucks.  Let's play
% Hungry-Hungry-Hippos!''
%
% Homer plows the Kwik-E-Mart parking lot, just in time for Snake and his
% pal to knock it over.  Homer plows the Springfield Retirement College
% driveway, and the residents express their pleasure that they are no
% longer trapped inside.  Then they return inside.  Principal Skinner
% considers cancelling school due to snow, but Homer plows the way for
% the school bus.  Bart suffers the slings and arrows and snowballs of
% ungrateful classmates.  On the steps of City Hall...

Mr. Plow, for making it possible for people to get where they're going
without resorting to public transportation <or> car-pooling, I give you
the keys to the city.
-- Diamond Joe Quimby, ``Mr. Plow''

% Homer even earns a free beer from Moe in appreciation.  In response to
% Barney's musig, ``I wish I was a hero'', Homer tells him to ``get out
% there and be the best damned Barney you can be.''  Still clad in his
% bonnet and diapers, Barney rushes outside.  (And crashes into something.)
%
% At bedtime, Homer removes his robe, revealing that he is wearing the key
% around his neck.  Marge apologizes for being wrong about buying the truck,
% and asks Homer to wear the ``Mr. Plow'' jacket to bed, ``Just for me.
% For fun.''  Homer does so, gets into bed, and turns off the light.
%
% At 7am, Homer wakes up to falling snow, but is shocked to find that all the
% driveways have already been plowed!  A giant snow-plow cruises down the
% street:  It's Barney ``Plow King'' Gumble.  To stimulate healthy competition,
% Barney takes out a shotgun and takes out the tyres of Homer's truck.
%
% [End of Act Two.  Time: 14:52]
%
% At Moe's Tavern, the gang watch Barney's ``Plow King'' commercial, in which
% he bashes a cardboard cut-out of Homer with a baseball bat.  He is joined
% by Linda Ronstadt.

Moe:    Linda Ronstadt!  How'd ya get <her>?
Barney: Oh, we've been looking for a project to do together for a while.
-- ``Mr. Plow''

% Linda Ronstadt sings the ``Plow King'' theme song.  Homer is hurt.
% ``How could you, Barney?  After all I've done for you.''  Homer flashes
% back to his high school days.  A handsome Barney Gumble studies for his
% SAT's, with hopes of getting into Harvard.  Homer comes in and offers
% Barney a six-pack.  Barney is worried about tomorrow's test.

I've got two words for you:  Mellow out, man.
-- Homer Simpson, ``Mr. Plow''

% Barney reluctantly takes a sip.  Then the entire can.  And gradually turns
% into the disgusting drunk we all know and l... we all know.
%
% Homer spots Ned and even Adam West letting Barney plow their driveways.
% Adam West hops into his Batmobile, snaps on his shoulder belt, and with
% some effort, manages to get his run-down Batmobile (complete with parachute
% brake) to putter down the street.
%
% Homer anxiously waits for the phone to ring.  And it does.  But it's the
% delinquent accounts department from Kumatsu Motors.

Yeah, they were gay.
-- Homer pretends to be Tony Plow, from ``Leave It to Beaver'', ``Mr. Plow''

% Lisa suggests another commercial, and Homer offers to do a rap.  The kids
% beg Homer never to rap again.
%
% Homer goes to the McMahon and Tate Advertising Agency for help.
%
% The family watch the results.  It's one of those weird almost-black-and-white
% ``artistic'' commercials that make no sense.
%
% Diamond Joe Quimby forcibly removes the key to the city from Homer's hands
% in an attempt to give it to Barney.
%
% Springfield is in the midst of a blizzard.

Kent:  Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak.
       Our own Arnie Pie is on the scene.
Arnie: [live remote, in a helicopter]  Everything's snowed in!  All I can see
       is white!
Kent:  [impatiently]  Arnie, please.  The ski conditions.
Arnie: [now upside-down]  Mayday!  Mayday!  I think I'm flying into a mountain!
       Tell my wife I lo... [picture fuzzes out]
Kent:  [chuckles] That's great, Arnie.
-- Weather report, ``Mr. Plow''

% Homer gets an idea.  He calls Barney with a disguised voice asking him to
% plow his driveway atop Widow's Peak.  Barney is in a hot-tub with Linda
% Ronstadt.

Homer:   [on the phone, disguising his voice]
         There's a $10,000 bill in it for you.
Barney:  Oh yeah?  Which president's on it?
Homer:   Uh... All of them.  They're having a party.  Jimmy Carter's
         passed out on the couch.
Barney:  Wow!
-- Don't ask where Jack Kennedy is, ``Mr. Plow''

% Linda Ronstadt offers to make a Spanish version of the Mr. Plow theme.
%
% Homer steals all of Barney's customers.

Woman: Could you make sure not to scrape my asphalt?
Homer: [sotto voce]  Kiss <my> asphalt.
-- ``Mr. Plow''

% News flash:  Barney was caught in an avalanche at Widow's Peak.  The
% shocking event was captured on film by a FOX camera crew filming ``In
% Search of Bigfoot.''  The scene of Bigfoot is ruined when the guy in
% the ape suit forgets to take off his watch before shooting begins.
% Off to the side is Barney studying a map.  He belches, and the sound
% induces the avalanche, burying him.  Homer assumes full responsibility
% and heads out to save his buddy.
%
% At the foot of the mountain, Marge makes one last plea for Homer not to
% go.  Homer assures her, ``This baby is as sure-footed as a mountain goat.''
% In true sitcom fashion, a faraway mountain goat loses its footing and
% descends the mountain the painful way.
%
% To cross a dangerous chasm, Homer braves a dilapidated rope bridge.
% Not until he's halfway across does he notice the sturdy modern bridge
% that runs next to it.
%
% Making its way along a precarious ledge, the truck loses its traction
% and teeters ever-so-precariously over the edge.  Homer carefully turns
% the radio dial towards the upper end of the dial, and this proves enough
% to tip the truck back to safety.
%
% Barney has resigned himself to his fate, but Homer arrives and rescues
% him.  The two are reconciled and agree to become partners.  Homer is
% pleased.  ``When two gbest friends work together, not even God Himself
% can stop them.''  A stern voice challenges, ``Oh no?''  The sun suddenly
% appears, melting the snow.  All of it.

Could this record-breaking heat wave be the result of the dreaded
``Greenhouse Effect''?  Well, if 70-degree days in the middle of winter
are the `price' of car pollution, you'll forgive me if I keep my old Pontiac.
-- Kent Brockman's Two Cents, ``Mr. Plow''

% Homer answers the phone:  It's the Repo Depot, calling to distract him
% while they re-possess his truck.  Which they do.  Marge looks on the
% bright side.  ``You have your health, you have your best friend back,
% and... [coyly] you do have that certain special something...''  She
% means, of course, the Mr. Plow jacket.  Homer fetches the jacket from
% the closet and makes his own weather prediction:  ``The forecast calls
% for flurries of passion, followed by extended periods of gettin' it on.''
% He turns off the light.
%
% [End of Act Three.  Time: 23:40]

> Voice Credits
>> Starring
    Dan Castellaneta      (Homer, Abe, Barney, Alan Thicke, Arnie Pie, Bill)
    Julie Kavner          (Marge)
    Nancy Cartwright      (Bart, Nelson, car show model)
    Yeardley Smith        (Lisa, Angela Lansbury)
    Hank Azaria           (Moe, car show salesman)
    \:    and
    Harry Shearer         (Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, etc.)
>> Special Guest Voice
    Phil Hartman          (Troy McClure)
>> Special Guest Voice
    Linda Ronstadt        (herself)
>> Special Guest Voice
    Adam West             (himself)
>> Also Starring
    Pamela Hayden         (woman customer)

> Didja notice...

    ... the insurance company was the same one as from the house fire?
    ... the Krusty Brand hot dog car at the auto show?

> Comments and other observations

I hope everybody got the joke about ``Widow's Peak''.

If anybody says that the rope bridge scene was a reference to an Indiana Jones
movie, I'll scream.

A hectare is a unit of area, not length.

Kumatsu Motors was the company that took over Herb Powell's car company.