From: winkern@columbia.dsu.edu (NANCY MARIE WINKER)
Subject: Re: And a Happy New Year!
Organization: Dakota State University
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 04:07:57 GMT

In article <1992Dec11.053107.2508@news.duc.auburn.edu> singram@eng.auburn.edu (Scott Ingram) writes:
>From: singram@eng.auburn.edu (Scott Ingram)
>Subject: Re: And a Happy New Year!
>Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 05:31:07 GMT
>In article 0@columbia.dsu.edu, winkern@columbia.dsu.edu (NANCY MARIE WINKER) writes:
>>Just that a little ahead of schedule.
>>
>>Most of us need it right about now.
>>
>
>
>Perfect time for me to stop lurking about like I've done for the past
>9 months or so. Life is angst, plain and simple. 
>
>A bit of history...
>
>Standard angst over a girl (just a friend, but I would like to see more
>come from it). She and I are spending lots of free time together
>(Lots: if I'm not at work or sleeping, I am with her, sometimes I 
>was with her while sleeping... but still no romance/SO/PIB)
>
>Well, my best friend, after a few months of me angsting over whether
>or not a relationship will come of this and not doing anything
>to initiate one, TELLS HER I WANT MORE THAN JUST FRIENDSHIP!
>
>She becomes exceedingly cold, and eventually (within two weeks)
>she is no longer speaking to me. Great. I decide this is as good
>a reason as any to slam myself into clinical depression. Suddenly
>nothing matters anymore, I still go to work, but thats about it.
>
>I don't remember much from this part of my life... just lots of
>poetry and journal entries that I don't like to read.

I've been here.  It's so scary how I can relate to this stuff!  We are truly 
a sick bunch here.  
>
>Well, I wake up one morning and realize that not only is my lease up
>in two days, but I haven't found a place to live. Two days of frantic
>searching and I find a place that I can move into in A MONTH. Great.
>
>I move all my crap into a U-stor-it, and become a member of the homeless
>society in beautiful Auburn, Alabama. The next month has me sleeping
>at friend's houses and showering either on campus or at said friend's houses.
>
>Never had to sleep in my car though... the few times I couldn't find
>a place to crash I just stayed awake... sleep deprivation is cool,
>by the way.

I've been here too, by the way.  And I have slept in my car! (:-?)
>
>Well... I finally moved into my new place, still wrapped up in self-
>loathing and depression, and now didn't have to interact with anyone to 
>find a place to stay. So I became Reclusive-Man. This pissed off my friends
>to no end. Why? I had been so nice and social for the past month, and now
>I just abandon them. Add to this that I decided to embrace my whacked
>philosophy to the extreme, just to give me reasons not to interact
>with anyone, and a decided coolness towards members of the opposite
>sex, swearing I would never let another female dick me over again.
>
>Then comes the holiday season. Halloween, my favorite holiday. I
>specifically get off work, but my car breaks down and I have to take it home 
>to get it fixed. Great. Wasted holiday.
>
>Then comes Thanksgiving... give my parents my regards, but can't come
>into town, have to WORK ON THANKSGIVING. True. Actually, I didn't
>mind.
>
>I find out that that's OK, we are having a family reunion the next weekend,
>isn't it great that I was coming into town for it?
>
>Meet relatives I haven't seen in years. Asked if I still am not in school,
>I say, nope, not back in yet. (I dropped out of college in Spring of
>1990, now at 21, don't see myself going back for at least another year).
>
And here too!  This is like "This is your LIFE"

>HAd many questions about my hair... family full of military types
>and mine is a few inches past shoulder length. Downright scorn
>from relatives is fun. You should try it.
>
>Managed to make it back home with most of my sanity intact...
>but MUST spend Xmas with the family... ARRGH!

My feelings exactly
>
>And then, oh, what a happy New Year it will be. I get to work
>from 4:00 p.m. till all the party-goers leave (read:4:00 a.m.)
>at the bar & grill I work at.
>
>So, thanks for the holiday cheer.

You're so welcome!
>
>Orion.
Xref: sparky alt.angst:4762 alt.suicide.holiday:3047