From: mlandaue@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Michael C Landauer)
Subject: Re: none
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 22:45:08 GMT

charles@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Charles Jacob Cohen) writes:

>who are you?
>I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
>So I'm Captain Jean-Luc Piccard
>"Lt. Worf take this 'Bart Simpson' to the brig"
>OK, I'm Riker: "What the hell's going on over there?!"
>What the heck, I'm Troi:  "I sense great sarcasm..."
>Q: "Hello, Jean-Luc, how'd you like my 'Bart Simpson'?"
>Wesley: "Gee, Captain Picard, I just figured out a way to get rid of Q
>forever..."
>Worf: "Growl! Captain, that is not honorable. If Wesley gets to get rid of Q,
>I
>       get to get rid of Wesley!  I asked first - you remember?  Back in the
>       first season?"
>Troi:  Oh please, Worf.  You couldn't shoot the broad side of a Ferrengi, let
>       alone beat up Wesley....
>O'Brian: "That does it, I am beaming you all into space and appointing myself
>          Captain Miles..."
>Geordie:  Enough!  I'm transferring all Warp, Impulse, APR, and life support
>          power into the holodeck for my new "Wild Wanda and her Wanton Whips"
>          program.  The rest of you can suck cold vacuum.
>Barkley: "Hey I helped program that, can I come in too????"
>Wesley:  Hey! I programmed Wanda's Whips---you know, just the way you like it?
>Troi:  Geordie, your Star Fleet Battles training is showing.   I also sense
>       great perversions....
>"Oh, boy..."
>Troi:  I sense a great mind.  A mind from the past.  Someone who as lived many
>       lives, leaping from one to another....I also sense cigar smoke...
>"I sense a small explosive that is tuned to detonate the next time Troi says '
>I sense...'"  (Cheers are heard from the audience)
>Troi:  I sense great stupidity.

>   [We hear squealing sounds of a dying bomb---the bad joke killed it]

>Piccard: Computer start self-destruct sequence.  This has gone too far!
>Riker: NO the first officer does not concuur, I have taken orders from some
>balding shakspearian throwback long enough, I'm taking over; worf set phasers
>on kill and terminate the captain.

>"Admiral McCoy": Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a commedian!  I don't know
>                 WHAT to say next..."

>[The admiral bursts into flames due to Worf's horribly inaccurate shooting]
>Worf: "Oops..."
>Piccard:  Worf, belay Riker's order.  Computer cancel self-destruct.
>          We'll let this insanity continue.  Worf escort this Bart
>          Simpson to sick bay, and have Dr. Crusher examine his head.
>          Dr. Crusher when you're done examining Mr. Simpson please
>          report to my quarters so I can give you an "examination" of my
>          own.

> HOMER:  DOH!!!

>Kirk: "That does it I am sick of this constant bickering from you Next
>Generation Pukes.  You have Picard who hasn't destroyed an enemy ship 
>in the entire series, Riker who has a bigger libido than I do, Worf
>who couldn't hit the broad side of a barnyard with phasers locked on,
>Wesley the wonder dweeb, Data who still can't find a *real* hair style,
>and Troi, well what more need I say.  Sulu, lock on phasers and blow
>that giant duck-looking thing out of the stars, Uhura, show a little more
>leg, Rand come down here and sit on my lap, and Checkov.. Warp 6, thataway...


>Troi:  I sense terrible overacting.  Oh, the pain!  Oh, what lousy acting!

Piccard:  Worf, fire torpedos, full spread, on that tired old Enterprise
	  with that lame ass Captain Kirk.  Beverly, when are you coming
	  to my quarters?


-- 
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|  Cluelessness...   |  It's LOG...fun for  |  Mike Landauer              |
|  try it!           |  girls and boys!     |  mlandaue@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu  |
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Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative