HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rpwhite@ac13.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: My decorations.
Date: 4 Nov 92 20:25:12 GMT
Organization: Monterey Bay Yacht Club, Monterey CA

dlwilson@fenix.encore.com (David L Wilson) writes:

|>RP's Military Memorabilia
|>3 Cielo Vista Terrace
|>Monterey, CA   93940-6006

>Does this double as RP's Youth TravelLodge?
No, but there has been a ficticious business statement filed for dba
Kibo's Best Western[TM]

|I will be in San Diego the last
|week of January for Winter Usenix, followed by a week of camping up and down
|the coast.  I spent many enjoyable (drunken) evenings in Monterey, followed
|by crashing on someone's floor, and would gladly pay $20 to repeat the
|experience.

Hell, for $20 you can sleep on the couch *AND* have all the Macaroni 'n
Cheese 'n Spam you can eat.

That is if I'm not on the streets by then or in Leavenworth.
-- 
            DON'T  LET  _K_I_B_O  IMMANENTIZE  THE INTERNET !!@@!
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cbyars@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (Chene Byars)
Subject: pjf debacle
Keywords: poor pat
Organization: u of utah via Northwestern University, Evanston Illinois.
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 03:40:27 GMT

for anyone who's interested in an update; the feds showed up in happy valley.
patrick is in sante fe, though they may have followed him there.
some very scary men in grey suits and sunglasses have been hanging out it the
lobby of my building. people are worried and slightly annoyed.
is our government incredibly paranoid or justifiably cautious?
either way, it's weird having these men wandering around. 


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mlegare@wetware.com (Dr. Robert (BoB) Tech)
Subject: what i wanna be right now
Organization: Cappo Ferra 6
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 04:38:21 GMT

a crash-test dummy.
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Blood Clot Boy)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: zippers
Date: 13 Nov 1992 06:14:32 GMT
Organization: The International House of Secretions
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <1992Nov12.173309.28672@ncar.ucar.edu> ilana@kiowa.scd.ucar.edu (Ilana) writes:
*I just noticed last night that my fake Gore-Tex pants that I wear
*on my ride to work have a double zipper on the pocket, the kind that's
*on sleeping bags so you can open them from either the inside or the
*outside.  
*
*It's nice to know that if I ever get accidentally zipped inside my 
*pocket that I can get out by myself.

Actually, it's in case you find any little people and trap them in your
pocket to take back to your lab and do hideous experiments on them.  The
fake Gore-Tex people are very compassionate to their cause.


Mark "Hurl the giant pencil" Lippert 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: lstewart@watserv1.uwaterloo.ca (L. Stewart -- IS Office 1058)
Subject: the kid that ate stuff under the picnic table
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 19:43:04 GMT

One of my fondest childhood memories is the kid in the 
subject line. Gravel, worms, dogshit, insects, anything
at all,  provided he was paid a nickel and he would only
do his thing under the picnic table in the neighbour's yard.

He is now an attorney.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: zgilbert@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Zvi Gilbert)
Subject: Re: ssc
Keywords: how can you have nostalgia for something you didn't live through? GX
Organization: crystallized bats and other rodents
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 17:43:21 GMT

jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll) writes:
>kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey) writes:
>>thinman@netcom.com (Technically Sweet) writes:
>>>zgilbert@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Zvi Gilbert) writes:
>>>>
>>>>Curtis, we are MUCH cooler than the hippies ever were. We do body-piercing.
>>>Ogawd, body piercing is sooooooo passe.  It was branding for awhile,
>>>but now it's POKING YOUR EYES OUT WITH A SHARPENED A-440 TUNING FORK. 
>>Is that like an A-450 tuning fork?
>Remind me not to play your piano.
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

if we are not careful
we may have another catchphrase
on our hands

--Zvi
(I think that an A-440 tuning fork is actually too short for any real brain
poking action.  An A-220, 110, or 55Hz tuning fork would have longer tines,
and thus would get right into those frontal lobes, or perhaps all the way into
the limbic system.)
From: 880840m@ace.acadiau.ca (MICHAEL ALEXANDER MCKAY)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.humor,alt.postmodern,alt.good.news,alt.cascade
Subject: Re: We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you
Date: 6 Nov 92 18:02:27 GMT
Organization: Acadia University

In article <1992Nov6.070845.433@netcom.com> whedon@netcom.com (Bill Whedon) writes:
>From: whedon@netcom.com (Bill Whedon)
>Subject: Re: We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you
>Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 07:08:45 GMT
>In article <1992Nov5.224905.15707@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> gdearing@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Gregory D Dearing) writes:
>>In article <1992Oct29.231251.9101@cam.compserv.utas.edu.au> cjudd@esk.compserv.utas.edu.au (Craig Thomas Judd) writes:
>>>In article <Bwvrz6.JH1@access.digex.com>, brat@access.digex.com (Brat Wizard) writes:
>>>>
>>>>In article <1992Oct28.204917.9357@mcs.anl.gov> peterson@vulcan.mcs.anl.gov (nosreteP ekiM) writes:
>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
>>>>>>>>"I'd eat you, but then I prefer beef stew."
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>THIS IS NOT GOOD NEWS.  PLEASE KEEP YOUR IMMATURE CASCADES IN ALT.CASCADE,
>>>>>>>OR ARE YOU IDIOTS TO BORED WITH YOUR OWN DRIBBLE.
>>>>>> 
>>>>>>  It's drivel, you schmuck.
>>>>>Obviously, he has the brains of a hockey puck!
>>>>I don't understand - what the fuck?
>>>HOW much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
>>Stop it guys - these cascades suck!
>Ignore it, dude - just pass the buck!
Another cascade - oh, what luck! :)





>-- "Illegitimatida non Carborundum es" --
-- Assefoetida non conundrum est --
From: jvogel@math.rutgers.edu (jeff vogel)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: The First Truly Horrifying Thing I Have To Tell You
Date: 11 Nov 92 19:13:01 GMT
Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.

They don't show Fat Albert and The Cosby Kids anymore.

					 - Jeff Vogel
					Oh, the humanity!
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: adw3345@ultb.isc.rit.edu (A.D. Williams)
Subject: Stupid costume ideas
Originator: adw3345@ultb
Reply-To: adw3345@ultb.rit.edu ()
Organization: Rochester Institute of Technology
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 16:58:35 GMT


 For my costume I dressed up as Spatula Man. I wore a jogging suit with
about a dozen spatulas taped on. I got the spatulas at "Everything's
A Dollar", in which everything sold in the store is, surprisingly, a
buck each. Sometimes it's two for a buck. But it's cool, because 
"Everything's a Dollar" includes the sales tax, so when I bought
12 spatulas, by golly, I spent 12 dollars, even. With my Spatula Man
costume I wore my ski mask, but I had to take it off because it
got all slimy with spit and sweat.


                                                       Derrick

Now I suppose someone's going to do a text-search-replace replacing
"spatula" with "speculum" now.


-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Derrick Williams   Rochester Institute of Technology | Insert snappy  -
- adw3345@ultb.isc.rit.edu     Computer Science        | quotation here -
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: cd517@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Douglas J. Narby)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Secret Service--Agents of Social Darwinism?
Date: 7 Nov 1992 07:24:54 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu



Always thought 'ol Finerty's .sig was probably accurate-only
a truly ignorant son-of-a-bitch would flaunt such a statement.
It is too much to hope for that the Secret Service will grant 
his death wish (see his .sig).  Maybe they'll enlighten him
in some other fashion.

In a truly fair society, such morons would get wiped out
much earlier in the game-stupidity is just not as dangerous
as it used to be-the safety of modern living works against
the forces of natural selection.

And---anybody who believes that the FBI and other such
agencies don't keep track of the net is egocentric, naive
and just plain silly. You think you're so smart you have
access to resources that they don't?!!?  Cheyeah, right.

-- 
sig? what .sig? Us academic types can't say anything in 4 lines!
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mlegare@wetware.com (Dr. Robert (BoB) Tech)
Subject: test marketing
Organization: Cappo Ferra 6
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 07:56:25 GMT



you think maybe there's a need for a roving lecture-about-Emperor-Nelson?


it's just that i have this great idea for a nifty collapsable podium.
's kick-proof.


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton)
Subject: Re: What do you think???
Organization: t.b, t.p.d, & a.d
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 17:25:45 GMT

Adrian S Harvey (bm90ash@brunel.ac.uk) wrote:
: What do people believe?
: 
1)  All sorts of crap.

: Does science have the answer to why we are here ?
: 
2)  Not in the case of some of us.

: Or did God create us ?
: 
3)  You're out.

God created us and put us here to be tormented to eternity by idiots
asking stupid questions.  Please classify yourself according to
this revelation.

: 
: Response ........
Please go far, far away from any place with net access, and
leave us here to enjoy our misery.  We for our part will try to
arrange your termination before your misery is too prolonged.
Thank you.

  -- Clifton (struggling on)

--
Home: cliftonr@netcom.com     +1 808 521 9073
Work: clifton_r@verifone.com  +1 808 625 3234
Pope of the Church of the Subgenius in Paradise
"Have a revelation, the first one's free/Soon to be addicted to eternity" - HMR
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh)
Subject: Re: tail rubbing
Organization: Cornell Theory Center
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 19:27:08 GMT

In rec.equestrian, 6175190@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM writes:
>In article <1992Nov4.214310.28494@cbnews.cb.att.com>, kw@cbnews.cb.att.com (kath
>> Does anyone out there have some advice on causes/prevention of tail
>> rubbing?
>> ...
>> Kathy Wilber and Daleilah
>
>I've even used Listerine for simple "itching" in the tail area with no
>other symptoms. Seems to help.
>
>Good Luck! ;-)

Preparation-H works for me.

mdw

-- 
Matt Welsh    mdw@tc.cornell.edu        +1 607 253 2737
Systems Programmer, Cornell Theory Center
  "She's like jelly roll, like sculpture!"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: john@lightning.ofps.ucar.edu (John J. Allison)
Subject: short, shameful confession
Organization: Office of Field Project Support, UCAR, Boulder
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 22:38:09 GMT

When things (wallet, keys, etc.) are in my pockets
comfortably, I get used to their feel and forget
about them. As such, I am often checking my pockets
to be everything is there. Sometimes I do this while
driving. I always get scared and start to panic
because my keys are not in my pocket. After a minute
of checking all my pockets (including coat pockets),
I finally remember that the keys are in the ignition,
else I wouldn't be driving along happily. But I still
have reach down to the ignition and check.
-- 
, jja
From: thchemb4@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: those natty little red flowers everyone are wearing...
Date: 9 Nov 92 21:40:33 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620

As a mark of respect for all those who gave there lives so that this 
country could be free, this sunday I got up late and listened to Nick Cave
records all morning. Oh yes, and I had honey on toast for breakfast.

yeah..er...no more war..er.. right on

Ken-Johnson-ly, Tom Weston

(no .sig)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: caz@owlnet.rice.edu (HWRNMNBSOL)
Subject: Quatloos
Organization: Rice University
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 00:00:02 GMT

Quatloos are dated.  They are also easy to forge, and are not competing well
against the Yen.  In the closing days of the Third Reich, stamps for as many
as five million Quatloos were issued.

My proposal:  The new unit of T.B. currency should be:

The 'Yarvin'.

--
"I bid 5,000,000 Yarvins!"

HWRNMNBSOL
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey)
Subject: Sink
Reply-To: aaron@space.ualberta.ca
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 03:57:14 GMT


<He Whose Real Name Must Not Be Said Out Loud(Yes, that's what HWRNMNBSOL
stands for, if anybody cared), gave me the delightful one-word challenge

sink sink sink sink

The word "sink" must be used four times, with a different meaning each time.>


Jerzy watched Suez sink the last ball, and sighed.  He'd been suckered again. 
"Another game?" Suez asked, grinning.

Jerzy shook his head.  "I know when I'm beat."  He stretched.  "Geez, it must
be 4 am by now."  He walked into the bathroom.

He was washing his hands in the sink when he heard someone else enter the
bathroom and say, "I've often wished I could have a monogrammed cue."

Jerzy recognized the code phrase and said, "My initials spell an obscene
word."  Then he turned to see a man he didn't recognize.  "It's about time.  I
didn't think you were coming--I was about to go back to my ship."  He extended
his hand.  "Jerzy Tassore."

The other's voice was crisp.  "I know who you are, Lieutenant.  And as to who
I am, you are not to know.  You may call me Jasmine."

Jerzy shrugged.  "Whatever.  So, do you have a story to account for me being
in this sink of pestilence and corruption six hours after I was supposed to
report back to my ship?"

Jasmine nodded.  "A police office will testify to finding you naked and
unconscious in an alley, with your wallet missing.  You'll have to be somewhat
roughed up, but that was part of the plan anyway."  He opened the door and
beckoned, and Suez came in carrying a pool cue.

Suez grinned.  "Sorry, guy.  You know how it is."  He proceeded to thrash the
Lieutenant thoroughly, over Jerzy's surprised resistance.  Then he and Jasmine
stood looking down on him.  "He really doesn't know what he's doing, does he?"

Jasmine shook his head as they stripped off his uniform and replaced it with a
suit of local clothes laced with special threads.  "The fool will sink his own
ship when he gets back on board, and all the evidence will go with him.  In
any case, he took care not to be seen coming here, so his disappearance will
be a mystery.  And our police officer will also disappear mysteriously before
tomorrow."

Suez shrugged, examining sadly his somewhat splintered pool cue.  "Ah, well,
this one was due to be replaced anyway," he said.  He tossed it into the fire
as they re-entered the bar, Jasmine effortlessly carrying Jerzy's unconscious
form on his shoulder.  "Care for a game?" he asked.


--
---Alfvaen(Canadian SF Quasi-Activist)
"It's not my fault.  The orchestra has disappeared."
   ---Hector Berlioz
Current Album--George Harrison:Gone Troppo
Current Read--Jack McDevitt:The Hercules Text
From: english@alicudi.usc.edu (Joe English)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: History repeats itself
Date: 11 Nov 1992 14:59:37 -0800
Organization: Nerds of Action
Distribution: world
Reply-To: joe@trystero.art.com
NNTP-Posting-Host: alicudi.usc.edu


In article <1992Nov10.233530.14858@netcom.com>, cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton) writes:
|> Cosmik Debris (mike@elec.canterbury.ac.nz) wrote:
|> : In article <7868@skye.ed.ac.uk>, ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson) writes:
|> :   [witty comment]
|> : 
|>  [ fails to notice witty comment, attempts one of his own ]
|> 
|>  *SPWOT*

I second this motion.

|> : "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I'm schitzophrenic and so am I."
|>   [Kindly note unoriginal boring ripoff of inaccurate joke -- should be
|>    "schizoid", not "schizophernic", nor "schitzophrenic."]

The main problem with this is not that it's misspelled,
nor that it's terminologically inaccurate, nor even that
it's fucking boring and stupid; rather, that it doesn't
rhyme.

The official DSMIII-R sanctioned version of the above
fucking boring and stupid poem is:

	Roses are red,
	and violets are blue,
	I'm suffering from a multiple personality disorder --
	yeah, me too.

Nobody ever gets this right.  That's why I had to et cetera.


--joe@trystero.art.com

  ignore this posting.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gerald@torolab4.vnet.ibm.com (Gerald Oskoboiny)
Subject: DAVID HASSELHOFF
Originator: gerald@gerald
Date:  6 Nov 92 18:31:28 GMT
Reply-To: gerald@torolab4.vnet.ibm.com
Organization: IBM Canada Ltd.
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,misc.test,rec.arts.tv
Keywords: rot13

is God's gift to women.

Gerald -most likely a repost
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Another naming contest
Date: 10 Nov 92 14:40:49 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: The Really Useless Computer Company


In article <1992Nov8.042007.28701@kakwa.ucs.ualberta.ca>
aaron@space.ualberta.ca writes:

#  [...] while there are well- defined terms for both newcomes to
#  talk.bizarre("newbies")and long-time residents(patrons?)of
#  talk.bizarre("oldbies"), there is an astonishing lack of term for the
#  transitional period in which, let's face it, most of us languish.


There is no such term, for there is no passage on which one may embark a
Tuppenny-Ha'penny Scruff-Bag Newbie and from which one alights an
Enlightened God of the Bizarre, an Elder, a Beloved and Accepted One,
Part of the Scenery, an Old Lag, a Friendly Face, an Elder Statesman, a
Time Served Master, an Honoured Veteran and, accolade above all
accolades, an Oldbie. 

This is why the oldbies constantly encourage newbies to Fuck Off [TM]. 
It's the only useful thing they can do, and besides, every now and then
one of them bursts into tears (funny) or argues with his betters
(funnier).  If they don't, we just have to kill them all. 

-- 
                                  //// Ken Johnson, A I Applications Institute
Don't get off while it's moving. ////       80 South Bridge, EDINBURGH EH1 1HN
                                ////                  E-mail ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
                               ////       Phone 031-650 2756  Fax 031-650 6513
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: Well.......... It seems that Clintons is IN!!!!!!
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 15:15:42 GMT

rolls@cis.umassd.edu (Frank Pinto) writes:
> Get ready all!
> 
> Clinton seems to be in...

Well, that's certainly nothing new.

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: The Quireboys
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 00:37:47 GMT

In <3207@nlsun1.oracle.nl> jdurbin@nl.oracle.com (Jason Durbin) writes:

>Hey Mathew:

>Made it into the letters column of Byte, eh.

"I used to think the letters in your magazine were made up, but something
happened to me that I just had to write about..."

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: john@lightning.ofps.ucar.edu (John J. Allison)
Subject: short cold confession
Organization: STORM Project Office, NCAR, Boulder
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 19:54:22 GMT

Recently, it's gotten fairly cold in Boulder.
Even though I grew up in a fairly temperate
environment (Virginia Beach, VA: 36 degrees North
latitude, sea level), I don't mind the cold.
To me, it verifies my existence because I can
actually feel something around me [*]. The generally
low humidity level here can get pretty lonely.
For two days this summer, we had some decent
humidity. Everyone was complaining about how
uncomfortable it was and that there was too much
resistance in the air for walking. I enjoyed it.

[*] - I've gotten used to wearing clothes and I
don't really "feel" them anymore.
-- 
, jja
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Interfaith marriages
Date: 9 Nov 1992 20:51:10 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov

In article <TOMF.92Nov9093036@ai.gte.com> tomf@gte.com writes:
>
>> These congregations celebrate Jewish holidays and do cultural
>> things, but they do not believe in god.  In fact the only mention of
>> god in their "prayer" is something to the effect of "our ancestors
>> have traditionally said the following prayer...."
>
>I have no advice here, I just like saying "We are the chosen people of a
>supreme being who doesn't exist."

I was going to get married once, but we decided to call it off.  It just
wouldn't have worked.  She was an atheist and I was an agnostic and we
didn't know what religion not to bring the children up under.
--scott
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: carasso@Turing.ORG (Roger Carasso)
Subject: Re: HELP!!
Organization: The Turing Project, Charlottesville Virginia.
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 00:14:27 GMT

in comp.ai, D E A N <U94_DLAVDAS@VAXC.STEVENS-TECH.EDU> writes:
)
)Hi,
)	I am writing a research paper for a class (Computers and
)Controversy) and need a topic related to AI.  Can anyone offer any
)suggestions for a topic? Is there anything being developed that is
)considered controversial?  

YES.

SHOULD ELIZA 2.01 TRANSFORM "MOTHER" TO "TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?"
OR SHOULD IT TRANSFORM IT TO "TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FAMILY VALUES?"

OTHER THAN THAT, THERE ARE NO CONTROVERSIES IN AI, AS IT IS ALL
COMPLETELY SOLVED, AS I PREDICTED 20 YEARS AGO.


MARVIN M.,
MOVIE STAR/ AI RESEARCHER
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: ssc
Date: 6 Nov 1992 16:28:16 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov
Keywords: how can you have nostalgia for something you didn't live through? GX

In article <1992Nov6.071732.14934@netcom.com> thinman@netcom.com (Technically Sweet) writes:
>zgilbert@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Zvi Gilbert) writes:
>
>>Curtis, we are MUCH cooler than the hippies ever were.  We do body-piercing.
>
>Ogawd, body piercing is sooooooo passe.  It was branding for awhile,
>but now it's POKING YOUR EYES OUT WITH A SHARPENED A-440 TUNING FORK.

Is that like an A-450 tuning fork?
--scott
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre