From: ogorman@unix1.tcd.ie (Lucifuge)
Subject: Re: Merry Christmas Ashers!
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 1992 20:54:19 GMT

In <1992Aug21.025623.18029@eskimo.celestial.com> alpinist@eskimo.celestial.com (David Butler) writes:

>     Well, personally I'm about as far from a control freak as one can
>get.  Mostly go by live and let live.

But that's exactly what a control freak would think that they thought
like! Fnord.

>I can see from your post why you
>dont like the blanket statement "you choose how you feel" because of the
>implicit assumption one might make from that "anyone who feels bad wants to
>feel that way and so should be ignored or even derided".  Sorry but I don't
>subscribe to the connection.  When I say one chooses how they feel I don't
>mean 100% of the time or in response to every situation that occurs in
>the day by day course of every life.  But there is great benifit to realizing
>that if one makes the effort to change from being a constantly reactive
>black box (stimulous - response) to trying to stop the automatic reaction
>and put in a little hesistancy, a little thought in between, to create a
>stimulous - choice - response reaction as part of their regular repertoire
>they may find that they are better in control of themselves, their situations,
>and their feelings.

IMHO it is fallacious to make the assumption that anyone is simply a
"black box". Certainly we all react to stimuli but relations are far
more multiple interaction than linear action reaction. 

>    Well, your getting closer on this one.  I am hardly in a constant state
>of bliss.  (Hey, I do lurk around on ASH) We all have our negative traits.
>I do tend to ignore things I don't like until they go away.   And I am quite
>adept at making myself socially invisible.

I tend to agree that people often lack perspective but what you seem to
suggest is a simple inversion. Instead of concentrating on the negative,
concentrate only on the positive. This is myopic to the point of
blindness. Pain and negativity are parts of life like beauty and love.
Living is acceptance of life, the bad as well as the good. There is a
balance there and it is not static. Sometimes the sun shines and the
world is fair and joy is yours, sometimes the sun is torn from the sky
and devoured. To ignore either is to ignore half your life and destroy
the other.

>     My origional post was just an attempt to show that there are other ways
>of looking at things and that it is a matter of personal choice.  Whenever
>someone comes along with an even partially positive message on this group
>I've noticed a number of replies that tend to be defensively negative.  Many
>of the people are hanging onto their unpleasant feelings and beliefs and
>react as if they really don't want that to change - and then try to argue
>that they have no choice in the matter.  You get used to feeling bad then
>it becomes comfortable and familiar and changing (even for the positive) is
>so unfamiliar that it becomes threatening so people put up a smokescreen of
>denial or rationalization so that they can continue to feel bad, while not
>pleasant is at least predictable and they are used to it.

Oh please. You are paraphrasing Mary J. At least be original. 

>      You don't have control over everything that happens outside of you (in
>fact over very little of it.)  You don't have control over every single emotion
>that flits across your mind or every single reaction you display to every 
>single situation you find yourself in.  But you can make your perceptions be
>majority positive if you want to work on it, you can make your reactions
>in the majority controlled and helpful (or otherwise usefully positive), and
>you can make the majority of your feelings be positive.  That choice is
>entirely up to you.

Or as a cynic would say: "you can't avoid pain...but you can blind
yourself and cut your frontal lobes out!"

>      I didn't claim it would be easy and simple.  I didn't claim that you
>have to behave according to any strict standards or see things as I want you
>to.  And I didn't claim that anyone who feels bad or is in a bad situation
>is in any way inferior.  But I did say, and still havent changed my mind, that
>you choose how you feel and you choose how you react to others and situations.

Shall we agree to differ?

Ollie/Lucifuge...

NB That was some personal philosophy. You don't have to like it. But
it'd help...