HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
From: Dimitri Vulis <DLVGC@CUNYVM.BITNET>
Date: Saturday, 19 Dec 1992 00:09:48 EST
 <roelle.724709206@uars_mag><1992Dec18.194535.18686@husc3.harvard.edu>
Organization: City University of New York/ University Computer Center

In article <1992Dec18.194535.18686@husc3.harvard.edu>,
verbit@coolidge.harvard.edu (Mikhail S. Verbitsky) says:
>I wholeheartedly agree with Pheg. If someone post in
>worldwide newsgroup like rec.humour in Russian he deserves
>to be flamed (castrated?). Please check the Newsgroups
>line next time.
I wholeheartedly agree with Pheg and Misha.  Learn some English,
for chrissakes!  This reminds me of what Justice Oliver Wendell Jones
wrote in the 1927 Buck vs. Bell decision:
"Three generations of <Soviet emigres> are enough".
>
>Misha.
Note: to get this joke you either must recall whatever con law you took
_or_ look up that case. :)

Happy hanuka,
Dimitri
Disclaimer: three generations of CUNY students are enough.
From: filfeit@rael.Tymnet.COM (Fil Feit)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: RIDDLES (involving no survivors,bears,birds or bus drivers)
Date: 14 Dec 92 13:29:42 GMT
Reply-To: filfeit@rael.Tymnet.COM
Organization: Sun Microsystems

In article 1@vms.ocom.okstate.edu, adams@vms.ocom.okstate.edu () writes:
>In article <VZ7kVB5w165w@netlink.cts.com>, tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry) writes:
>> adams@vms.ocom.okstate.edu writes:
>>> > 
>>> How about a grammatically correct sentence (including syntax) which uses the
>>> word "had" at least SEVEN (7) times?
>>> 
>> 
>> The string "had had had had had had had had had had had had had had"
>> does not occur anywhere in the microsoft version 5 operating system.
>> 
>
>Not bad.  Not good, but not bad :)
>
>I wanted the word "had" to be used as a verb at least once.
>(I know, I should have said so)
>
Fine:

"What was your answer for 'What string never occurs in the microsoft version
5 operating system?'  I had, 'had had had had had had had had had had had had'."

Where there's a will....

--f2

-------------------------
  "He's no fun!  He fell right over!"
From: ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Where do jokes get started?
Date: 15 Dec 92 20:19:30 GMT
Reply-To: you@ems.cdc.com
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of CDC

In article <1992Dec14.172431.19900@news.Hawaii.Edu>, cravener@uhunix.uhcc.Hawaii.Edu (Patty Cravener) writes:
|> In article <1992Dec13.204207.10776@spock.UUCP> dsohl@spock.uucp (Daniel Sohl) writes:
|> >>There are so many jokes out there that I have heard from a variety of
|> >>different people in different parts of the country.  The question is,
|> >>who makes up these old jokes?  Does the stork bring them?  Are they
|> >>all a matter of the collective conscience?  Is there a joke God?  What
|> >>up?
|> >
|> The truth is that jokes are the independent variable in an extraterrestrial
|> social science experiement related to communications efficacy and speed in
|> Earth-bound humans. The dependent variable is repetition rate, world-wide.
|> Also factored in is the distortion from original plant.
|> Now you know.


Could not have said it better myself!!  ;-)
From: jittlov@gumby.cs.caltech.edu (Mike Jittlov)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Best of Blonde jokes
Date: 17 Dec 1992 18:23:20 GMT
Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena
NNTP-Posting-Host: gumby.cs.caltech.edu
Keywords: blonde jokes


Question:  How do you keep a blonde in suspense?


Answer:

























                                     ;)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Subject: Minor musical humor
Reply-To: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Organization: SCI Systems, Inc., Huntsville, Al.
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 17:06:31 GMT

Have you heard what the latest hit song in Somalia is?

"I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas".

-- 
Gary Heston    SCI Systems, Inc.  gary@sci34hub.sci.com   site admin
The Chairman of the Board and the CFO speak for SCI. I'm neither.
"Data sheet: HSN-3000 Nuclear Event Detector. The [NED] senses the gamma
radiation pulse [from a] nuclear weapon." As if we wouldn't notice...
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: LJ03933@LMSC5.IS.LMSC.LOCKHEED.COM
Subject: Simpsons ascii
Organization: Lockheed Missiles & Space Company, Inc.
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 15:51:56 GMT


                               (####)
                            (#######)
                           (#########)
                          (#########)
                         (#########)
                        (#########)
                       (#########)
                      (#########)
                     (########)
                    (#########)
   /     \          (#########)         |\/\/\/|     /\ /\  /\
 \/\/     |         (#########)         |      |     | V  \/  \---.
  |  (o)(o)          (o)(o)(##)         |      |      \         /
  C   .--- )  +    , C     (##) =====   | (o)(o)       (o)(o)  <  .
  | |.   |   +++  /    ,   (##)         C       )      C         /
  |  \  /     +     \     (#)   =====    | ,   |     /    ,   )  \
  /     \            |    |              |   /         \     /----'
 /     / \           OOOOOO             /    \          ooooo
/         \         /      \           /      \        /     \


     -+*%%*+-+*%%*+-+*%%*+-+*%%*+-+*%%*+-+*%%*+-+*%%*+-+*%%*+-+*%
From: akhurshe@pearl.tufts.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: interesting names
Date: 21 Dec 92 03:08:31 GMT
Organization: Tufts University - Medford, MA

There was a guy in my high school named Justin Case.
At my friend's high school there was someone named Jason A. Cloud -- I
guess it was supposed to sound like Chasin' a cloud  . . .  and then,
there was this couple with the last name Kirkem who was going to name
their kid James T. Kirkem, but they had a girl  Darn! ;)

                              Odd
From: jmarlan@titan.nmt.edu (Jon Marlan)
Subject: Mom Writing to West VA Son
Organization: New Mexico Tech
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 19:08:59 GMT


Here's a little something you all might enjoy.  I believe this is 
an actual letter a mother had written to her son.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------
               MOM WRITING TO WEST VA SON


Dear Son:

     I'm writeing this slow cause I know you can't read fast.  We
don't live where we did when you left.  Your Dad read in the 
paper where most accidents happen within twenty miles of the 
house, so we moved.  This place has a washin machine.  The first 
day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and haven't seen
them since.  

     It's only rained twice this week.  Three days the first time
and four days the second time.  The coat you wanted me to send, 
your Aunt Sue said was to heavy to mail with all those big buttons 
on it so we cut them off and they'er in the pockets.  

     We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make 
the last payment on Granma's funeral, up she comes.  Your Uncle
Joe fell in the whiskey vat yesterday -- some men tried to pull him
out but he fought 'em all off and finally drowned.  We creamated 
him right after and he's still burning good this morning.  

     Three of your firiends wentoff the bridge in a pick-up 
truck, one was driving, two in the back.  The driver rolled the
window down and swam out.  The two in the back couldn't get the 
tail-gate open so they drowned too.  Not much news this time, 
nothing much happens round here, will try to write more next time.

                            Love,

                            Your Mama

P.S.  Was gonna send you some money but already had this sealed up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------


Jon
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: kdq@quest.UUCP (Kevin D. Quitt)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 18:22:50 PST
Reply-To: srhqla!quest!kdq
Organization: Job quest  (805) 251-8210,  So Cal: (800) 400-8210

muh@physics.Berkeley.EDU (Yury M. Mukharsky) writes:

> In article <gDyoVB1w165w@bwalk.dm.com> dlv@bwalk.dm.com (Dimitri Vulis) write
> >
> Kto nibud' znaet, gde vzroslo eto blednoe chudo? Na prostorah Oklahomschiny i
> na pomoikah NYC? Ili on vse zhe sam sebja sechet?


    Ya nichevo ne znayu.


 _
Kevin D. Quitt      96.37% of all statistics are made up.     srhqla!quest!kdq
From: jpennell@axion.bt.co.uk (John Pennell)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: acronyms
Date: 17 Dec 92 09:11:53 GMT
Organization: BT Laboratories

In article <jonathan.724310714@author.ecn.purdue.edu>, jonathan@author.ecn.purdue.edu (Jonathan L Neuenschwander) writes:
|> sme3@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (SCOTT MATTHEW ESTRIN) writes:
|> 
|> [Previous attributions deleted.]
|> 
|> >IBM: Incredibly Bad Machine
|> >-- 
|> 
|> When IBM first released the PS/2 line, the one I heard was:
|> 
|> IBM: I'm Building a Macintosh
|> 
|> 
|> :-) :-)
|> 
|> Stoking the fires,
|> 
|> Jonathan
|> 
|> 
|> --
|> ___ |Jonathan      |Internet:jonathan@mentor.cc.purdue.edu|Whom computers
|> |__||Neuenschwander|NeXTmail:buzz@symphony.cc.purdue.edu  |would destroy, they
|> |   |              |America Online:Buzz Lee               |must first drive mad
|>  


Ingrained Batch Mentaility
Idiots Built Me
Immensa Bola de Mierda   (spelling may be off here)

Howabout ....

MACINTOSH -  Machine
             Always
             Crashes
             If
             Not
             The
             Operating
             System
             Hangs
From: adrian@cs.hw.ac.uk (Adrian Hurt)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: What TV teaches us...
Date: 18 Dec 92 21:05:49 GMT
Organization: Dept of Computing & Electrical Engineering, Heriot-Watt University, Scotland

In article <1992Dec12.033244.19834@pony.Ingres.COM> garrett@Ingres.COM (REACH OUT AND GREP SOMEONE) writes:
>
>	Thanks to a couple people who emailed me suggestions, and
>also my creative co-workers. (Disclaimer: There may be an occasional
>exception, but these are almost always true.)
>
>1) If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
<Long list deleted to save space and let you get to the good bit sooner.>
>40) Nobody on Tv has time to watch TV.

41) Nobody on TV realises they're on TV.  (Someone makes a silly suggestion
    about how to do something, and someone else says "That only works in the
    movies".)
42) If a famous detective is invited to a dinner party, at least one other
    person at the party is going to be murdered.  (This sometimes works with
    crime story writers as well.)
43) No-one goes to the bathroom, except to have a shower and possibly to be
    murdered.
44) If two heroes are in love with the same woman, one of the heroes will
    be killed.  (And it wasn't even the other hero who did it.)
45) Spacecraft are just like aircraft, only louder.
46) Big spaceships are just like big sea-going ships, only slower.
47) Submarines are like Dr. Who's TARDIS - bigger on the inside than on the
    outside.
48) VDU terminals are just like teletypes, except they go "bleep" instead of
    "click" each time they produce a letter.
49) The really great heroes never produce lists of ten items.  (Alright, they
    don't waste time making up lists at all, but that's beside the point. :-)

-- 
 "Keyboard?  How quaint!" - M. Scott

 Adrian Hurt			     |	JANET:  adrian@uk.ac.hw.cee
 UUCP: ..!uknet!cee.hw.ac.uk!adrian  |  ARPA:  adrian@cee.hw.ac.uk
From: stannaee@eee.bham.ac.uk (Mr. Eric E. Stannard)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Cucumbers better than ....
Date: 20 Dec 1992 09:53:57 GMT
Organization: The University of Birmingham, England
NNTP-Posting-Host: dunagiri.eee.bham.ac.uk
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]


--
Name:
EMail: stannaee@eee.gham.ac.uk

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: amorgan@csd-d-4.Stanford.EDU (Crunchy Frog)
Subject: Re: Python's Lumberjack song.... maybe!
Originator: amorgan@csd-d-4.Stanford.EDU
Organization: /usr/lib/news/organizatoin
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 23:19:51 GMT

In article <1992Dec14.131106.7172@pimacc.pima.edu> 
  tloftus@pimacc.pima.edu (RECLAIMER OF SPENT LOGIC) writes:
>>In article <28149@optima.cs.arizona.edu>, 
>>  danmcd@cs.arizona.edu (Daniel L. McDonald) writes:
>>> 
>>> I need a definitive set of words to Monty Python's Lumberjack Song.  I
>>> know most of them, but I need to be sure.
>>> 
>
>Not quite sure myself but here's what I can remember of that classic
>Michael Palin bit.
>
>I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay
>I sleep all night and work all day
>I chop down trees.
I eat my lunch
>I wash my hands when I use the lavortory.
>I go shopping on wednesdays and have butter scones with tea.
Nope.  I go to the lavotory.
On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea.

>I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay
>I sleep all night and work all day.
>I chop down trees. 
I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers
>
>I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay
>I sleep all night and work all day.
>I chop down trees.
>I wear high heels, suspendies and a bra.
>I wish I'd been born a girlie just like my dear mama!

I never can remember if the last word is mama or papa.  Be warned
that this was sung in one of the movies and might have used slightly
different lyrics.

C Frog
From: vxv4@po.CWRU.Edu (Virgilio Velasco)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED: korean jokes ( or any asian pacific Islander )
Date: 15 Dec 1992 21:32:01 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: vxv4@po.CWRU.Edu (Virgilio Velasco)
NNTP-Posting-Host: thor.ins.cwru.edu


Okay, here's a Filipino joke.

May isang Atenista, isang La Sallista at isang taga-UP....

 
-- 
    Virgilio "Dean" Velasco Jr., CWRU grad student & roboticist wannabee
		      ** Wise men still seek Christ. ** 
  "Perhaps we would have more power if Engineer Scott  |    My boss is a 
      connected your mouth to a generator, Doctor."    |  Jewish carpenter.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: v140pxgt@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Daniel B Case)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: West Virginia
Date: 18 Dec 92 05:39:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Dec18.024346.8162@cunews.carleton.ca>, cs401017@scs.carleton.ca (tonis kasvand) writes...
>    Well, In ONTARIO, CANADA our license plate is 'YOURS TO DISCOVER' .
> 
>I'm sure there are lots of tourists visiting Ontario going: 
>	What the hell am I looking for? Dumb Canadians.

That's not as bad as New Hampshire's classic "Live Free Or Die". Is that 
supposed to be some kind of choice? I don't understand. And also Indiana's
"Wander" (well, given that they produced Dan Quayle, maybe it's not so hard to
understand).

> 
>--
>   Tonis Kasvand Jr.           |  "Never slam your locker door in the dark
> Ottawa, Canada ...(EH?)       | when you're naked." 
>				       - Big Bobby Clobber 
>				        The Royal Canadian Air Farce .

								Dan Case
From: record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: LIMRICK
Date: 17 Dec 92 00:11:18 GMT
Reply-To: record@force.ssd.lmsc.lockheed.com
Organization: LMSC, Sunnyvale, California

In article <BzCvz2.GDw@cs.dal.ca>, franklin@ug.cs.dal.ca (Steve Franklin) writes:
>In <1ghiflINNel4@mercury.kingston.ac.uk> cs_e373@ceres (Matthew Simpkin) writes:
>
>>There once was a lady from Ham,
>>Who wanted to ride on a tram,
>>When she kissed the conductor,
>>He turned round and fuc*ed her,
>>And now she is pushing a pram.
>
>There once was a fellow named Matthew
>Who's spelling was awful but grant you,
>His rhyme was no better,
>He forgot a letter,
>It's limerick, but spell as you want to.
>-- 

The limerick you wrote, I have read it
I hope never before you have said it
For it was not funny
It can't be worth money
And what's more, I might add, I DON'T GET IT!!!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: Robyn_Clark@mindlink.bc.ca (Robyn Clark)
Subject: Re: Joke
Organization: MIND LINK! - British Columbia, Canada
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 1992 00:25:27 GMT

I don't get it!!!


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: tholle16@uther.calvin.edu (Tim Hollebeek)
Subject: HELP!
Organization: Calvin College
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 16:31:54 GMT

currently involved in prank war with women's appartment down the hall.
Need NEW and INTERESTING pranks to use on them.  Mail me if you have any
ideas.

Thanks.

ObJoke:
     Q:   How do you change a blonde's mind?
     A1:  Blow in her ear.
     A2:  Buy her another beer.
--
--------------------------------------------------------------------
*******     Tim Hollebeek  ==> tholle16@ursa.calvin.edu      *******
Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh
away.
From: eaeg160@orion.oac.uci.edu (Andy Wu)
Subject: More funny riddle
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Distribution: usa
Date: 19 Dec 92 20:29:53 GMT

There's a bunch of birds hanging around, when suddenly a hunter appears.  He take a shot and got one of them, but the rest, scared, didn't fly away.  Why is that?












Ans:  Because all the birds are ostrichs.








--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Andy Wu                     The Three R's--REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE
eaeg160@orion.oac.uci.edu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Now it can be told!!
From: tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 92 16:39:49 PST
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

gb03@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (GEORGE PHILIP BLUHM) writes:
> >SCREW THE BIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> >
> >
> >-Koushik
> >
> 

Gutenberg did!

--                    
INTERNET:  tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!tumidity
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: cbaker@tasman.cc.utas.edu.au (Christopher Paul Baker)
Subject: interesting christian-surname combinations
Organization: University of Tasmania, Australia.
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 23:40:55 GMT


I am interested in collecting interesting christian name - surname
combinations,
eg:
Theresa Green

Does anyone have a list?


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: loney@ariel.lerc.nasa.gov (Patrick Loney)
Subject: Re: Jesus and Chanukah
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: :The state of being organized
Date: 14 Dec 1992 11:23 EST  

>>
>>While this is inappropriate to rec.humor this fellow is a JOKE of a
>>historian.  Jesus according to all estimates was born after year 0.

According to my Roman History Prof, Christ was born at 3 BC (or was it 5 BC,
I slept a lot in that class, and it was a loooong time ago).  It was kind of
humorous though when he put it up on the time line.

Pat Loney

Disclaimer:  To be safe I am not expressing anybodies opinions, not even
             my own.
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 92 19:30:02 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Organization: Starfleet Headquarters: San Francisco
From: bskendig@netcom.com (Brian Kendig)
Subject: Rock Bands that belong together
Keywords: smirk

Bands that belong together, as heard on a local radio station:

	Madonna and Super Tramp

	Milli Vanilli and The Pretenders

	Kansas and Toto

	Guess Who and Who

	Styx and Stones

	Fine Young Cannibals and Missing Persons

	Beach Boys and UB40


-- 
  Brian Kendig                             
  bskendig@netcom.com               
 
--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.

Remember: Always give your jokes a descriptive "Subject:" line.
Don't use "joke" or "submission" or "joke submission," please.
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 92 19:30:02 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: tgriffin@adam.adelaide.edu.au (T.Griffin)
Subject: Smoking versus Drinking
Keywords: smirk, heard it

The following sign was displayed in a local manufacturer's canteen.


                  TO THE VISITOR
                  **************

       CIGARETTE SMOKE IS THE RESIDUE OF
       YOUR PLEASURE. IT PERMEATES THE
       AIR AND PUTRIFIES MY HAIR
       AND CLOTHES NOT TO MENTION MY LUNGS.
       THIS TAKES PLACE WITHOUT MY
       CONSENT. I HAVE A PLEASURE ALSO,
       I LIKE A CAN OR TWO OF FOSTERS
       BEER NOW AND THEN. THE RESIDUE
       FROM MY PLEASURE IS URINE. WOULD
       YOU BE ANNOYED IF STOOD ON A
       CHAIR AND PISSED ON YOUR CLOTHES
       WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT?

--
|  Paul Kyriakou             |  Phone : +61  8 228-5018                |
|  Department of Geography   |  Telex : UNIVAD AA89141                 |
|  University of Adelaide    |  Fax   : +61  8 224-0464                |
|  G.P.O. BOX 498            |  E-mail: tgriffin@adam.adelaide.edu.au  |
|  Adelaide                 
|  SOUTH AUSTRALIA 5001      

--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.

This newsgroup is sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp.  The "executive
moderator" is Brad Templeton.
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 92 3:20:02 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: dhr@dsbc.icl.co.uk (Dave Robinson)
Subject: They both wear red
Keywords: topical, smirk


Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul
to Santa ?

-- 
Dave Robinson, ICL-BRA03, Lovelace Rd, Bracknell, Berks.  RG12 4TZ.  UK
Tel: (+44) 344 481000 x5441	ITN: 7263 5441  Fax: (+44) 344 868889
EMAIL:		dhr@dsbc.icl.co.uk or dhr@oasis.icl.co.uk
ICLMAIL:	d.h.robinson@uk01

--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.

Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.  You think I have
time to hand-correct everybody's postings?