From: shannah@netcom.com (Teri Miller)
Subject: Re: Reunions and such
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 01:29:00 GMT

In article <1992Nov11.003556.3082@netcom.com> marcia@netcom.com (Marcia) writes:
>Until lately, that is. My 10th high school reunion is coming up, and I am
>starting to dread it. Not because I am large, and not because I am not
>proud of what I've accomplished. I'm rather dreading people's reaction to
>the fact that I haven't somehow shrunk to a size 3.
>
>During high school, a number of other folks made a point of making my life
>hell because of my size. I have been hoping that perhaps by now they would
>have matured to the point that they would mind their own business, but 
>knowing human nature, I am steeling myself for at least a few snide comments.
>
>So I guess what I am looking for is support. Have other people been in this
>kind of situation and how did it turn out? Anything else I should be mentally
>prepared for?
>
Well, the first question I have to ask is: does it really matter what
they think?

Now that I've gotten the rhetorical out of the way, here is some stuff
that might actually help.

I gained most of my weight over a 1-year period, beginning when I was
in the process of leaving HP and continuing through my employment at
NAS.  This was about 6 years ago.  There were a lot of people that I'd
known at HP that I saw *again* after I'd 1) gained weight, 2) gotten
contact lenses, and 3) cut my hair.

I was fully expecting, when I saw these people again, to hear about
my weight.  I used to feel shy about coming back to HP for visits, 
because I didn't want people saying things like "What happened to you?"
and "You know, you really should shed a few pounds."

Nobody had anything at all to say about my weight.

They wanted to know where I was working, what I was doing, who I was
seeing, whether I was happy.  They wanted to tell me all about their
latest jobs, their kids, their cars, their friends, their latest 
vacation.  But, with the exception of some who were curious about my
contact lenses, there was nothing said about appearance.  It just
didn't come up.

Those who would comment do nothing but show themselves for the 
hopeless boors they are.  It would be akin to your saying to them
"Gosh, you're awfully thin.  Have you been ill?" or "Nice figure.
How much did the plastic surgery cost, anyway?"  You would never say
something like that, right?  So why worry about them?  

You can always pull the Miss Manners ploy and smile and say something
like "How charming."

My bet is that nothing will be said.  If something *is* said, which
I doubt, I bet someone else will come up and say "Letitia was always
such a creep, wasn't she?" and giggle with you over how little Letitia
has changed.

The reason I suspect that nobody will say anything is that by now,
those who were harrassing you in school have grown up, and probably
now regret having been such creeps, and would probably like nothing
better than to let bygones be bygones.  I've run into some of my old
"school bullies" in my travels, and believe me, they were more worried
about me holding a grudge after all those years than anything else.
They were *really* ready to bury the hatchet and make nice.  

I suspect that's what you'll find when you get to your reunion - a
bunch of people who are really interested in how well things are going
for you, eager to tell you how well things are going for them, and
who don't give a damn how much you weigh.  

-- 
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Teri Miller                    tmiller@cisco.com -or- shannah@netcom.com
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Newsgroups: alt.support.big-folks