From: tedwards@wam.umd.edu (technopagan priest)
Subject: Re: -- WorldWideWhine --
Organization: University of Maryland at College Park
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 01:15:45 GMT

In article <1992Apr6.065215.14180@DMI.USherb.CA> darvs00@terre.DMI.USherb.CA (STEVE DARVEAU) writes:
>	After those two years, I came here, at the university.
>Another move. I felt that I could perpetutate my virtual life,
>using Muds. (For those who do you not know what Muds are, they're
>kind of multi-player games, with players spread arount the Internet)
>And then, my favorite Mud closed. I had built some kind of pseudo-
>social-life within it, so I was not very happy.

ACK! DANGER! DANGER!  You probably already know this, but
MUDs should not be used as a real life.  They can be used
as a testing ground for romantic ideas.  Perchance they can be
used as a way to pick up people from your location who you know
use them.  But if you begin to feel like your MUD social life is
at any kind of level near your real social life, it's time to
cut the connection and quit!

>	So I looked toward real people... And fell in love again,
>this time not a fiery and passionate love, just a warm feeling in
>my spine that said : " Now I'd be happy if I could just cuddle
>with you on this sofa"... Not the physical over-drive of sex,
>I mean, the only thing I need is a hug, a hand in my hair, 
>somebody to tell me everything'll be all right.

Maybe the world isn't as cuddly as it is here, but that's the way
my friends are.  Every time I sit in the terminal room, about
2-5 of my female friends walk by and play with my hair or
sometimes just give me a hickey (used to be trouble when I was
still going out with my recent ex-SO :-)

Let me go out on a limb here...there are many of my female friends
who, under the proper circumstances, I could easily see sleeping with
on a friendly, yet caring and loving level.  Not all of course,
since different people have different friendly "cuddly" factors,
infact some of my good female friends wouldn't even play with my hair.
It's all an individual thing, and I don't respect my friends more or less
for whatever their own "cuddly" level is.

I'll admit I haven't slept with any of my close female friends since
I've had my breakup, since my emotional transients are still not
3 dB down from nominal.  And of course while I was attached, my SO and
I stayed mainly monogamous, but we did have friends over together.

>	Again, I failed miserably. I am the eternal friend...
I still don't think this is too bad...besides, you're probably not
_always_ going to be in that situation.

>	My head turned then toward IRC (Inter-Relay CHAT) . Again,

Aggggg!! Not IRC....another fine way to mess up the mind and GPA.

>	So now I'm released in the real world again. Not prepared for
>it in any way. So what do you think I've done? I've looked and spotted
>a girl I'd be happy to be with... This time I thought it would work,
>I mean, it almost worked for five full minutes. But then, it was,
>ByeBye...

This doesn't seem, though, to be a healthy way of viewing the
female-meeting process.  If you idolatrize, you basically
objectify.  (I used to do this also...I'm much better now :-)
In order to meet someone, you have to meet them.  This involves
going out on a date and trying to get to know that person...not
trying to realize the fantasy one has already created about that person
being "right" for you, but actually seeing who that person is.
Later, you can decide if you want to see that person again, perhaps
become friends, or maybe, if both of you are lucky, maybe it is
someone you could have a relationship with.
 
>	The last two girls, I see often these days. But to them it
>seems I'm only "Hey, could you help us, we've got a problem?" 
>So I think , I'll be nice and help them to the best of my
>knowledge, but after, it's like I become translucide or something,
>they just see the other guys through me and forget me right away.

Well, again, if you don't show some interest in them (like saying "hi"
wehn you see them, or asking them out), there is no reason for them
to think you are interested in them.  

Anyway, I have a feeling you probably know all of this already,
but just find doing the actual motions tough.  Well, it is.
But with practice will come competence (as well as a few massive
failures).  Just stick with it and become happy with who you are,
and if worse comes to worse, you might acquire more female friends,
and maybe at some point someone who you could be very interested in,
and is interested in you.

-Thomas


Newsgroups: alt.romance