From: slarsen@berlin.helios.nd.edu (susan larsen)
Newsgroups: soc.women
Subject: Re: Self Appreciation (was: Re: Elle MacPherson causes rape?)
Date: 18 Nov 92 19:11:10 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: OUC, University of Notre Dame

In article <2935@devnull.mpd.tandem.com> dwelch@mpd.tandem.com (Dan Welch) writes:
>
>I still hold my point to be valid -- the pressure to look good that women
>feel comes from other women, not men.

It comes from other women, yes.  But it comes from men, too.  The pressure 
to look good is everywhere.  I've dated guys who have tried to get me 
to 1) dye my hair red 'cuz he liked red hair; 2) let my hair grow, so I 
would look more feminine; 3) wear makeup; 4) don't wear makeup; 5) wear 
the kinds of clothes he picked out; 6) wear sexy underwear; 7) don't 
wear underwear; 8) polish my nails in pinks and corals; 9) lose weight; 
10) gain weight; and one really odd bird who offered to have my 
hair straightened.  I had one guy break up with me who said straight 
to my face the reason was because he thought we looked awkward 
together and people would laugh at us (I was about 2 whole big 
inches taller than him).  

I've had a male boss who said if he had his way, all the women in 
the office would wear skirts, no pants allowed.  I heard a female 
boss describe another office worker as a slut because the worker 
wore knit pants.  I saw men and women alike descend on a female 
co-worker who dared to where tennies into the office.  I overheard 
a male boss tell the receptionist to put on lipstick because she 
looked ill without it.  Another dumped on a co-worker because 
of her weight.

My daughter has told me I'm fat and old.  Her friends make fun of 
her because of clothes, hair, being too skinny, etc. etc. etc.  She 
makes fun of her friends for similar slights.  And, she informs 
me that all the boys think all the girls are slimy and icky.

And, as you point out, pick up a women's magazine and we can see 
how both male and female editors throw up into our faces how 
wretched we are because of cellulite, saddle bags, wrinkles, gray 
hairs, liver spots, tooth color, brown eyes, eyeglasses, split 
nails, hairy legs, nappy hair, fine hair and a whole variety of odors.  

It is everywhere, and just about everyone is a culprit and a 
victim.  I can't be too harsh on anyone who feels down on their 
looks or is a bit shaken in their self-image, because women 
got people ragging on them about appearance constantly.  Whether 
the purpose of the ragging is profit (advertisers), or control 
(employers), or to insult (children), or to fulfill a fantasy 
(dates), this chronic dialog about looks is going to occasionally 
wear on even those with tremendous core self-esteem.  

If you've never told an SO to drop a few, or you've never told your 
mom she's looking old, or you've never lit up around a woman with 
a skilled hand at the old makeup, or you've never hurried away 
from the company of a less-than-quality babe, then I would have to 
agree that you may not be a part of the problem.  I would also 
write to Rome and put you on the saint list, because obviously 
you are superhuman.

Sue Larsen
slarsen@berlin.helios.nd.edu
Newsgroups: soc.women,alt.abortion.inequity,talk.abortion,alt.feminism,soc.men