From: spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Subject: PLEASE MAKE MONEY HELPING CRAIG!!!
Date: 23 Jul 92 10:48:19 +1200
Organization: University of Waikato Computer Centre

		MAKE MONEY FAST WITH CRAIG SHERGOLD

Two years ago I was a dipstick computer operator with no future, barely able to
afford my alcohol payments, with 47 ex-wives bleeding me dry for alimony every
time I turned around, (put my left foot in, put my left foot out, did the hokey-
pokey, that's what it's all about) and life looked grim.  

I was the debt collecting agencies most wanted man, with my picture on the back
of dollar bills everywhere.  I couldn't get credit, I almost had to steal food
to afford money! 

And then my life changed.

Now I own a $200 car, have more than enough money to afford the expensive
meths with the "Not to be taken" in full colour on the label instead of the
normal black and white.  AND, it's the stuff that makes you blind, not just
causes physical decay.  I have friends in gutters everywhere, and I'm never
short of a clean pair of underpants in preparation for my next car accident.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

By a revolutionary new money making scheme that CAN'T FAIL!

WHY AM I TELLING YOU ABOUT THIS?

Because I'm a nice guy!  I don't need any more money than the $650 million
I've already got, but I'm going to sell you my idea and get commission for
everything you do till you take your own life in a bizarre bowling ball
accident in Tulsa, SIMPLY because I'm a nice guy.  I don't need the money,
that's why I'm here asking for it!

HOW DOES IT WORK?

Well, the idea is simple.  You give me money, and I'll send postcards to 
Craig Shergold.  OR, you give me money and I won't send postcards to Craig
Shergold.  

BUT I LOSE MONEY!

No you DON'T!  Because, you can get onto the net in three weeks time and do
the same thing, again and again and I won't give a steaming shit because I'll
be rolling in money.

HOW IS IT FOOLPROOF!

Because the only fool is YOU!  So I get my money, bugger off from the country
with my gains, leaving you with the option of going to the net or paying for
something less tangible than a Unix standard!  So you'll go to the net (under
an assumed name, because you don't want to appear like one of the three biggest
losers of all time, the other two being that guy that threw his lottery ticket
away, and the poor bastard who gets to marry Oprah Winfrey!)

I'VE GOT NO IQ, HOW THE HELL CAN I GET A PEICE OF THIS ACTION.

Send me a cheque, send Craig a postcard (he's collecting stamps and waste
paper now to finance his legal battle with the Guiness Book of Records to
get himself inserted as the first dead, not-dead, yes-he's-dead, no-he's-not,
yes-hes-still-collecting, go-f*ck-yourself! to collect a load of useless
stuff now that he doesn't need it.) and I'll get rich.

Oh, I mean, richER!  (Just a little slip)

F*ck craig, just send me the money.


MONEY!

MONEY!!!!!!

Then I'll forget about the school yearbook that had me as the person most
likely to strangle a mongoose in downtown Soho whilst performing unseemly
acts on sailors, or the year after when they voted me person most likely
to have a social life so dead it'll be a psychology case-study..

M

-- 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
       *  *		It's:   	"SPLAT - MY CAT!"
     -//-//-_ 		
   +>\        --__	Slower than a speeding DATSUN 180B.   Much slower.
   +>/       _------__  Mortally slower, one might say.    Rest in Peices.
     -\\-\\--		spt@waikato.ac.nz.  		Fax: 064 7 8384066
       *  *		University of Waikato, Private Bag 3105, Hamilton, NZ
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xerox: A trademark for a photocopying device that can make rapid reproductions
 of human error, perfectly.             -- Merle L. Meacham
Newsgroups: misc.misc