From: todd@chester.cms.udel.edu (Todd Sanders)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: girl/lady/female boy/guy/male
Date: 10 Nov 92 23:47:15 GMT
Reply-To: todd@chester.cms.udel.edu
Organization: Marine Studies, University of Delaware

In article 721359135@prim.rose.utoronto.ca, Gene Golovchinsky writes:
>
>Cannot resist one more thought: If people simply treated others in the
>way they would like to be treated themselves, we as a society would not
>need to spend so much time arguing about minority rights, offensive
>actions (thoughts?), etc. We are all equal, none of us is more equal
>than any other. 
>

The basic problem with this is that everybody participates in a different
culture.  There's ethnic-culture and there's gender-culture too.  And each
one has subtle (or not-so-subtle) difference in how people expect to be
treated.

Treating everyone as if they're a member of *your* culture might work some-
times, but more likely will get you in trouble.  Here are two examples:

  (1)	NYC resident visits Mississippi.  He walks fast, ignores people on the
	street, starts talking during (what he perceives is ) a 'long' pause
	in a conversation, etc...  This person is perceived as always being in
	a hurry, aloof & distant or impolite, and always interrupts people while
	they're still talking.

  (2)	MS resident visits New York City.  He walks slower, tries talking with
	people on the street, and talks in an unhurried pace.  How is he viewed ?
	Well, he walks too slow, so he must not know where he's going.  He's an
	obstruction.  Grrr.  His constant attempts to converse are seen as naive
	or just flat crazy (esp. if he tries to help someone).  And, compared to
	a New Yorker, he talks so slowly that people try to finish his sentences
	for him.  Or they start talking and wonder why he thinks they interrupted
	him when it was 'perfectly clear' he was finished...

Cross-gender implies cross-cultural too.  You can't treat your fem. friend the
same way you deal with your buddies at the office (provided of course that you're
male).  There's just some things you can't talk about (and live), and if you only
deal with her for information exchange then there's a good chance she'll think that
you aren't interested in how she's doing (esp. if you aren't interested in details).

Likewise, Ladies, the number of guys that can be close to you  in the
same way your fem. friends are is vanishingly small (but not zero).
And that dirty joke that your girlfriends just *LOVED* probably
won't work so well with a guy...

Briefly, you can get into a LOT of trouble treating others the way YOU
want to be treated.  It's MUCH BETTER to understand how THEY want to be
treated and act accordingly.

Speaking from experience,

  -Randy

---
 _____________________________________________________________________________
/                                                                             \
| Randy Zagar                            Get your priorities straight.        |
| Internet: zagar@Chester.CMS.UDel.Edu   No one on their death bed ever said  |
| Bell-net: 302/831-1139                 "Gee, if I'd only spent more time    |
|                                        at the office..."                    |
\_____________________________________________________________________________/
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