From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: A new user
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 18:34:00 GMT

asar.322@wpi.wpi.edu   writes:

>Hi.  This is my first time using this system...so be patient with me.

hello and welcome!  i don't think we'll have any trouble being patient with
you, given a lot of the recent goings on here.

>I am a survivor of child-on-child sexual abuse.  Is there anyone else here
>who can relate to this?  I was abused by an older cousin who was under
>the age of 18.  I didn't even realize that it was sexual abuse until
>I read an article in the Oct. 1991 issue of Rolling Stone about child-on-
>child sexual abuse.

being under 18 doesn't necessarily make them a child.  i know several people
under 18 who are more mature (emotionally/intellectually, if not physically)
than a lot of my over-than-18 friends.  the point being that s/he was older
than you, and so had power/authority/trust over you too.  s/he should have
known better, and it wasn't your fault.

>I am a freshman in college, and I've been dealing with tremendous guilt
>feelings, many of them stemming from the fact that my perp was a child.

see above.  i should learn to read first and type in the right places after. :)

>I feel at times that I should have been able to stop him since he wasn't
>an adult.  In addition, I have read many books about healing, but most
>of them talk about adult perps. I wish there was more written about my
>experience.  I feel sometimes like I'm the only one. 

i assure you, you're not.  when i was 10, something happened to me that i've
always been a little curious about.  maybe you or others can give me some
feedback.  i was spending the summer at my dad's house, and made some 'friends'
in the neighborhood.  two brothers, a sister, and me.  we (they?) were at the
age to be curious and experimenting with sexuality, and on several occasions we
4 would go into the bathroom (even though no parents were home in the middle of
the day) and take all our clothes off, just to look.  there was no touching.  i
remember feeling uncomfortable, but at the same time these were my only
friends.  i felt like i had to play along or they wouldn't like me.  as it
turned out, they weren't very good friends anyway.  we (me, dad, and stepmom)
went camping for a week or so, during which they stole my bike.  comments?
opinions?  

>On a lighter note, my general recovery is coming along well...
>I have not done any self-mutiliation in over a month :)
>and I completely stopped drinking... 
>So...it can be done :)

yay!  congratulations.  so many of us here can empathize with those desires.
yay for you for saying no to them.

>I still have my bad times... I still cry a lot and I still can't sleep 
>sometimes.  But I can see the light.

to quote william hartnell "while there is life, there is hope".  i personally
like to switch that around, but it's still a good sentiment.  hang in there,
nina.  we're rooting for you.
-- 
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery