From: rip@sequent.com (Paul Taylor (aka SSGwGWNbaT Man))
Subject: Re: I hereby Issue my challenges!
Organization: Sequent Computer Systems Inc.
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 05:33:48 GMT

In article <1992Apr9.104626.1279@wkuvx1.bitnet> kinnema@wkuvx1.bitnet
(Mark Kinney, Attorney at Chaos) ponders:

***bunch of stuff deleted***

>Sorry, I saw Holy Grail about fifty times this past weekend...
>
>Now if only I could find Castle Anthrax... }:->

I got it!  I got it!!!
(following is a *very* long post, a part of the movie mentioned bove
dealing with the Castle Anthrax...  If you are not interested, or do
not have the time, hit 'n' now!)

______________________________________________________________________
Rip                                                   _____
1/2 of the                          rip@sequent.com  /     \
Official Palanquin Bearers                          /  rip  \
For the Secretaries                                 |xxx-xxx|
Of the RFA                                       ___|_______|___
And BigBro to LF and 'Chelle                         \~ ~~ ~\
                                                      \~~ ~~~\
                                                       \ ~ ~~ \
Help!  My karma ran over my dogma, and it can't get up!!

****   The tale of Sir Galahad: ANTHRAX PYTHON                             ****
****   Transcribed, expressly for the Python collection at BBoard@Yalevmx  ****
****   from the tape of the film                                           ****
****   by Malcolm Dickinson ( CLARINET@YALEVM.BITNET ) 3/11/87             ****

****   Transcript #10 from the film.                                       ****
****   Continued from transcript #9, ROBIN PYTHON.                         ****

Sir Galahad, making his way through deep forest in the middle of a terrible
thunderstorm, comes upon a dark, tall castle.  At the top of the tower glows a
stunning image of the Holy Grail.  A wolf howls.

He struggles to the door of the castle, upon which, while standing in the
pouring rain, he bangs with his armored glove.

Galahad: <banging> Open the door!
         <banging again> Open the door!
                         In the name of King Arthur, open the door!

The door creaks open, and Galahad falls onto the stone floor of the castle.
Looking up, he sees the faces of three young women dressed all in white.

Women: Hello!
       Hello!
       Hello!

Zoot:    Welcome, gentle Sir Knight, to the Castle Anthrax!
Galahad: (confused) The Castle Anthrax??
Zoot:    Yes... (disappointed) It's not a very good name, is it?
         (brightening) Oh, But *we* are nice!  And we will attend to your
         every, *every* need!
Galahad: You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?
Zoot:    The what?
Galahad: The Grail... it is here....
Zoot:    Oh, but you are tired, and you must rest a while!
         Midget!  Creeper!
Other women: Yes, Sir Zoot!
Zoot:    Prepare a *bed* for our guest.
Others:  Yes, Sir Zoot.  Thank you, Sir Zoot!  Thank you, Sir Zoot!  Thank you-
Zoot:    Away, Away, vile etessence!
         (to Galahad) The beds here are warm and soft...
                      And very, *very* big.
Galahad: (protesting) Well, look, I..I, uh--
Zoot:    What is your name, handsome knight?
Galahad: Sir Galahad.... the Chaste.
Zoot:    Mine is Zoot... just, Zoot.
         Oh, but come!  (starts to lead him upstairs)
Galahad: No, *please*!  In god's name, show me the Grail!!
Zoot:    Oh, you have suffered much!  You are delerious!
Galahad: (urgently) No, look, I have seen it!  It is here, it--
Zoot:    Sir Galahad!  You would not be so un-gallant as to refuse our
         hospitality!
Galahad: (pause) Well, I--I, uh.... (looks at feet, fingers edge of shield)
Zoot:    (leading him upstairs)
         Oh... I'm afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to
         yours.  We are but 8 score younge blondes and brunettes...  all
         between sixteen and 19-and-a-half...  cut off in this castle with no
         one to protect us!  Oh...  it is a lonely life.  Bathing...
         dressing...  undressing...  knitting exciting underwear....  We are
         just not used to handsome knights!
(she leads him to a bed and sits him down; he tries to get up.)
         Nay, nay, come, come!  You may lie here.  (pushes him down on the bed)
         (seeing blood on his armour) Oh!!  But you are wounded!
Galahad: No, no.. i-it's nothing!
Zoot:    Oh, you must see the doctors immediately!
         (he starts to get up and leave)
         (pushing him back down) No, no, please!  Lie down.

She claps her hands twice; two sixteen-year old girls arrive.
Piglet:  Well... what seems to be the trouble?
Galahad: (incredulous) They're DOCTORS?
Zoot:    Uh... they have a basic medical training, yes....
Galahad once again tries to get up and leave.  Zoot, quite adept at it by this
time, pushes him back down on the bed.
         Oh, come, come... you must try to rest.
         Doctor Piglet, Doctor Winston; practice your art. (leaves)

The two girls sit on the bed and relieve Galahad of his shield, which he's
been holding in front of him during the whole scene.

Winston: *Try* to relax...
Galahad: Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?
Piglet:  We *must* examine you....
         (lifts up a flap of his kilt)
Galahad: There's nothing wrong with *that*!
Winston: Please.... we *are* doctors.

(They begin to proceed with the examination when a metallic "bong" is heard
from Galahad's nether region.  He grabs his shield and jumps out of bed.)

Galahad: Ach!  That cannot be!  I am sworn to Chastity!
Winston: Back to your bed at once!
Galahad: Torment me no longer!  I have seen the Grail!
Piglet:  There's no grail here...
Galahad: I have seen it, I have seen it!
         (he runs through the curtain into another room.)
         I have--
(suddenly he looks around, and realizes that this room is filled with young
women, all in their nightclothes.  Some are brushing their hair, some are
eating various sorts of suggestive fruits...  As he passes through them, each
one whispers "Hello!".  He runs out of the chamber, into a staircase, where he
almost runs into...)

         Zoot!!
Zoot:    No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.
Galahad: Oh.  Well, excuse me, I-- (starting to go by her down the stairs)
Dingo:   (standing in his way) Where are you going?
Galahad: I seek the Grail!   I have seen it, here, in this castle!
Dingo:   (sudden realization)  No... oh, no!!
         Bad, *bad* Zoot!
Galahad: What is it?
Dingo:   Oh, wicked, bad, *naughty* Zoot!
         She has been setting a light to our beacon, which, I've just
         remembered, is grail-shaped.  It's not the first time we've had this
         problem....
Galahad: (incredibly disappointed) It's not the real Grail????!
Dingo:   Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, *evil* Zoot!
         (leading him back into the room with all the women in it)
         She is a *naughty* person....  and she must pay the penalty!
         And here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting
         alight the grail-shaped beacon:  You must tie her down on a bed,
         and *spank* her.
Others:  A spanking, a spanking!!!
Dingo:   You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal
         with her as you like.  And then......  spank me!
Others:  And spank me!
         And me!
         And me!
         And me!
Dingo:   Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!!
Others:  A spanking, a spanking, there's going to be a spanking tonight!!!!!
Dingo:   ...and after the spanking.... the Oral Sex!!
Others:  (amid squeals of delight) The oral sex, the oral sex!!!
Galahad: Well, I could stay a *bit* longer...

(suddenly, Sir Launcelot and two other nondescript knights come storming into
 the room, swords drawn.)

Launcelot: Sir Galahad!
Galahad:   Oh, hello...
Launcelot: (taking him by the arm) Quick!
Galahad:   What?
Launcelot: (dragging him out of the room) Quick!!
Galahad:   Why?
Launcelot: You are in great peril!!!
Dingo:     No he isn't!
Launcelot: Silence, FOUL TEMPTRESS!!!
Galahad:   Hey look, she's got the point...
Launcelot: Come on, we must cover your escape!
Galahad:   (being dragged out)  Look, I'm FINE!
Launcelot  (now dragging him into the entrance hall) COME ON...
Dingo:     Sir Galahad...
Galahad:   Look, I can tackle this lot *singlehanded*.
Dingo:     Yes, let him tackle us singlehanded!!
Others:    Yes, yes!!! Singlehanded!!!!!
Launcelot: No, Sir Galahad.  Come!!  (continues dragging him out)
Galahad:  No really, honestly, I can cope.  I can handle this lot *easily*.
Dingo:    Oh, Yes, let him handle us *easily*.....
Others:   Yes, yes....
Galahad:  Please, please.  I can defeat them; there's only a hundred and fifty
          of them! (is dragged out the door)
Dingo:    Yes, yes, he'll beat us easily...  we haven't a chance!
Others:   No, we haven't a chance!  We haven't a chance!!!
(the door slams behind the departed knights)
Dingo:    Oh, *shit*.

Outside, Launcelot and the other two knights are still walking Galahad away
from the castle door.

Launcelot: We were in the nick of time; you were in great peril!
Galahad:   I *don't* think I was.
Launcelot: Yes you were, you were in *terrible* peril.
Galahad:   Look.  Let me go back in there and *face* the peril.
Launcelot: No, it's too perilous.
Galahad:   But my duty as a knight is to stop as much peril as I can.
Launcelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail.  Come on.
Galahad:   Oh, let me have just a *little bit* of Peril?
Launcelot: No; it's unhealthy.
Galahad:   I bet you're gay!
Launcelot: (indignant) No I'm not!

(up on scene 24)

Voice over: Sir Launcelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost *certain*
temptation.  But they were still no nearer the Grail.
Meanwhile, King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight
away, had discovered something.

(music up)

Oh, that's an *unladen* swallow's flight, obviously.
I mean, they were more than two *laden* swallows' flights away.
Four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them.
I mean, if the birds were walking, and dragging--

( crowd says "GET ON WITH IT!!")

Oh, anyway.  On to Scene 24, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting,
 n which Arthur discovers a vital clue.  And in which there aren't any
swallows, although I think you can hear a starling--
(he is clubbed from behind)

**** Following scene 24, which has not been transcribed due to its         ****
**** essential lack of funny bits, the film is continued in                ****
**** NI PYTHON, transcript #11.                                            ****

**** end of file ANTHRAX PYTHON 3/11/87 M.M.D.                             ****
Newsgroups: alt.romance.chat