HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Born of the Cuisenaire Rods")
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Perfect Pitch
Date: 1 Oct 92 17:46:31 GMT
Followup-To: misc.misc
Organization: Eaters of Wisdom
In-reply-to: gooley@netcom.com's message of 1 Oct 92 16:36:47 GMT

In article <1992Oct1.163647.2978@netcom.com> gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) writes:
>   I was expecting an article about getting pitch just the right temperature
>   so that when one pours it on another as part of an out-of-the-ordinary
>   sexual ritual

What's bizarre about that?

> it won't hurt TOO much...

Hm, maybe.
--

                And for to se, and eek for to be seye
Mark-Jason Dominus 	  			    mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: spavlov@nyx.cs.du.edu (Steven Pavlov)
Subject: Trouser length librarian hates the goddamned smurfs
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix (sponsored by U. of Denver Math/CS dept.)
Disclaimer1: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University of
Disclaimer2: Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
Disclaimer3: control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 92 03:57:52 GMT

    It's time for her to reveal the truth again, vampire. But she won't
take yes for an answer. She grabs the wtiness stand with an expert claw
and puts her talon on the book, lies the same, and holds it, Bible in
her holster, she wont give clouds for the answers, she just holds it
and it swells in her masterful hands. the bible grows with tumescence
and leaps out with frotteuristic joy, hugging the jurists and making a
mess on the witness stand, Job all over the courtroom, and the spumy
sea makes us weak with nauseau. Oh to let her call me again, with
her cardboard model, mock-up, fake your corrugated orgasms. Oh, how
I weep within.           -Agent Schwa
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aaron@arafel (Aaron Humphrey)
Subject: Re: and the band played "On"
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Mon, 28 Sep 1992 22:58:33 GMT

Andrew - Palfreyman (lordSnooty@cup.portal.com) wrote:
: any band that plays "Wild Thing" for me on request is OK by me

Gosh, you're sure a big Tone Loc fan.

--
---Alfvaen(Canadian SF Quasi-Activist)
"And when the thunder breaks, it breaks for you and me."
   ---This Mortal Coil
Current Album--Rush:Signals
Current Read--Damon Runyon:The Bloodhounds of Broadway
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Re:   Tsk, tsk class  (was: Re: Rictus Hep Is Unintentionally Ov
Originator: jcarroll@ferris
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 5 Oct 92 11:18:19 CDT


larne.038m@canetoad.UUCP:

>The Snooty one is quite correct.  Grendel's famed 'stick of enlightenment'
>is composed of a truly staggering amount of aluminum, held together
>not by the sharing of electrons between its component atoms, or
>even by gravitational self-attraction, but by shear hate.  Basically,
>it is terrified of what Grendel will do to it if it dares to fall apart.

may we assume that it might fall apart under a moderate load of
longitudinal hate?

Jeff Carroll
carroll@lemon.cray.com
(Damn! I knew there was *some* reason I took that materials course!)
From: cj@eno.wpd.sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: pro & con
Date: 30 Sep 1992 00:05:32 GMT
Organization: SGI TechPubs
Reply-To: cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio)
NNTP-Posting-Host: eno.wpd.sgi.com

---
CON					PRO

It's a new bike.			It's a new bike, and I lust
					after it.

It's expensive.				It's much cheaper than many 
					bikes in its class, and I
					lust after it.

I'll dump it in my driveway & get	The stance is good, the seat 
heartbroken.				height is just right, and 
					I lust after it.

The engine is too big for me right 	I will grow into it, and I 
now. 					lust after it.

Resolution: wait a couple of months, THEN buy it.

---
c j silverio
yamaha seca II
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering)
Subject: Re: maternal pride, etc.
Date: Tue, 06 Oct 92 03:02:22 EDT
Organization: University of Michigan Engineering, Ann Arbor
Keywords: fuckit, i'm not deleting the headers.

In article <1aqn9kINNo9s@uwm.edu> terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (St Theresa of the Net) writes:
>
>You've got shoulders, you've got knees
>There's stuff between the two that your cat never sees
>I'd like to take a look myself but I'm not a Siamese

The Cramps, nicht wahr?

ljd
reviewing my old albums tonite
From: mborgerding@desire.wright.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: rapists and drugs
Date: 28 Sep 92 18:18:19 GMT
Organization: Wright State University

In article <1992Sep24.155412.11696@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>, mbur@nyx.cs.du.edu (MAC) writes:
>>Burma White.
> Burma Shave.
typo negative.
From: glenn@moeng2.morgan.edu (D. Glenn Arthur Jr.)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: you may now drink champagne on me
Date: 3 Oct 1992 23:31:51 -0500
Organization: The Space-Time Fabrication Institute, Rockville, MD.
NNTP-Posting-Host: cs.utexas.edu

In article <9210021319.17@rmkhome.UUCP> rmk@rmkhome.UUCP writes:
>>1. They're out to get me.
>>2. If they see me then know that they are bigger.
>
>Yup.  Massachusetts will be a great test market for the stealth motorcycle.

Some time back I had an idea for a scene in a science fiction movie.

A car pulls up to the curb and parks.  The driver, wearing a helmet
and leather jacket, flips a switch on the steering wheel, and the
car shimmers and fades, to be replaced by a motorcycle.

(Alternatively, the opposite:  Rider mounts motorcycle, flips a
switch, and a car shimmers into existence around him (possibly
with some detail wrong, like the tires not quite touching the 
ground or something.)

Lack of visibility?  Too much awareness of size mismatch?  It's
a puty holograms don't work like they do in movies.



-- 
D. Glenn Arthur Jr., The Human Vibrator, glenn@bessel.umd.edu
"Being a _man_ means knowing that one has a choice not to act like a 'man'."

How much interest is there in a Transvestite/Transsexual newsgroup?  How many 
would post there?   Anonymously?  How many would _vote_ non-anonymously?  And
what would you name it?  

You can send me mail anonymously at anonymus+262@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu.
From: inspecti@carnival.lbl.gov ()
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: the right place to work
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Date: 2 Oct 1992 22:31:00 GMT
Organization: Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory, Berkeley
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: carnival.lbl.gov


where you call the guy who gives you a pecan cluster
"a gentleman and a scholar" and he laughs.

inspecti paycheck

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: billbill@wetware.com (Bill Bill)
Subject: what do real men want?
Followup-To: misc.test
Date: Mon, 28 Sep 1992 02:49:40 GMT

A song. That's what it is.

But everything is a song. Just so you don't feel alienated.


bill                    bill         @          wetware.                    com
From: cj@eno.wpd.sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: how boring was it?
Date: 28 Sep 92 19:19:05 GMT
Reply-To: cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Organization: SGI TechPubs

---
Tuesday nights were the JW "bookstudy" night.  

Small groups would get together and "study" a JW book.  "Study"
worked like this:  In advance, you were supposed to read through
the assigned chunk of book.  Every paragraph had canned
questions at the bottom of the page.  You were supposed to
underline the answers to the questions in each paragraph.  At
the study, somebody would read the paragraphs, one at a time.
The reader was always a "brother", with a status-granting
penis... even if the only men present were semi-literate bad
readers, even if the "sisters" present were excellent readers,
even if the only male present was under-age and unbaptized.

The conductor (also male, of course) would then read the canned
question and call on people to answer.  You then read off the
underlined bits, or rephrased the answer in your own words.
Independent, original thought was dangerous.  Of independent
thought springs apostacy, after all.

This is incredibly boring to anyone with a higher-than-average
IQ.

Since I always had paper (the book) and pens at these meetings,
I could entertain myself.  I drew in the margins.  I decorated
existing illustrations.  I wrote parodies of the strained
Watchtower prose.  (Later, I learned that this was the
horrifying style of Ray Franz, bounced out of the JW high
yuckamucks by his uncle.)  I discovered that I could rip little
holes in the pages of my book by tracing blobby outlines over &
over.

So I did this, systematically, to every page in my books, from
then on.  When I had bored a hole through every page in the
study book, I would then start on the hard covers.  

When I was older, after I'd studied some physics, when we
"studied" the JW creation/evolution book, I amused myself by
whispering the scientific inaccuracies to my mother.  She would
get angry & ask me to stop criticizing The Society.  Then I
started not going.

---
c j silverio
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: why this newsgroup was created
Date: 29 Sep 92 02:22:07 GMT
Followup-To: misc.test
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us

>Hamburg?
>RICHH

If only there were a meat-grinder large enough.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.folklore.urban,alt.religion.kibology,rec.arts.startrek.fandom,rec.arts.startrek.misc
From: jwindley%asylum.cs.utah.edu@cs.utah.edu (Jay Windley)
Subject: Re: "Lost In Space" was better
Date: 1 Oct 92 10:18:48 MDT
Organization: University of Utah CS Dept

lasner@watsun.cc.columbia.edu (Charles Lasner) writes:
>
>Whatabout the storyline where the away team is freezing to death because they
>can't get the transporter to work to beam them up?  How's about using the
>shuttlecraft (duh!) or just drop down a rope ladder, or something.

It depends upon how you want to deal with the fact that the Star Trek
production company had not yet been able to afford a shuttlecraft.

--------------------------------+---------------------------------------
Jay Windley                     | jwindley@asylum.cs.utah.edu
Department of Computer Science  +---------------------------------------
Univ. of Utah, Salt Lake City   | Error non est sed facilitas.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: elvis@netcom.com ('kEvin')
Subject: Re: 5150 asks yet another stupid newbie question
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1992 06:19:44 GMT

gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) writes:

>Someone complained about crossposts between alt.non.sequitur and
 ^^^^^^^
>t,b,  This is a lazy man's bandwidth-wasting way of copying a.n.s
>posts over to t.b.

It was me.
I am not a nameless,faceless entity.


kEvin
I am someone.

I am someone else
From: bones@p2012.f75.n3603.z1.FIDONET.ORG (bones)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: not much
Date: Sat, 03 Oct 92 16:01:00 EDT
Organization: FidoNet node 1:3603/75.2012 - Psycho.FidoNet.Org, Clearwater FL

                  " DON'T TOUCH MY MONKEY"
                      stphen crabb
                   He dosen't know what it means.

                      BONES

--  
Internet: bones@p2012.f75.n3603.z1.FIDONET.ORG
UUCP: ...!myrddin!tct!psycho!75.2012!bones
Note:psycho is a free gateway between Usenet & Fidonet. For info write to
     root@psycho.fidonet.org.
From: gt7803b@prism.gatech.EDU (Raving Mad Lunatic)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Bite the high load!
Date: 27 Sep 92 10:52:03 GMT
Organization: Georgia Institute of Technology

Ream the flaming smurfs! Burn to which you scream and code! Rip the icy words
for never is an egg! Chasing wild hair on endless puking floors, it paint the
bleeding chair fast! Mild silence wins the voidless gnome! Twist the wiry shag
on hell's pink walls!
-- 
Child-molesting is an art, not a science...
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: PJF4081@CC.UTAH.EDU (big daddy hate box)
Subject: the joys of life are few
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,alt.angst
Summary: like you? never.
Keywords: crying aloud
Reply-To: big daddy hate box
Organization: HATE INC.
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 92 15:47:48 GMT
X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.24

today is a day like any other, except colder and i made it to lab at sunrise. 
holy hell, batman, how did you do that?  i don't know why it upsets me so much 
when people quote bush and are serious about it. i wonder if i am uptight? way 
back in early high school i was a big fan of reagan and the whole peace through 
strength shit. this was when i was just starting debate and when we went to 
colleges for debates there were usually some people protesting against the 
whole MX missile thing. remember that? we would yell things like, more nukes! 
less kooks! and other stupid things. yeah. this is clear to me because i had to 
keep a journal for my lit classes for a two year period of time. by the end of 
high school i had become a bit more open minded and set on my current path of 
egotistical self righteousness. i would also like to add that i have not had a 
drink for two days (since sunday). when i lived in seattle and i would venture 
to the suburbs to see my folks my mom would freak out when i would exclaim 
proudly that i hadn't been drunk for a week. oh well. fortunately i have three 
pabst's here in the lab fridge for later this evening. 

three assumptions on life coined by my pal steve:
1) pot makes you smarter.
2) coffee is food   (i don't drink caffeine though)
3) men and women are basically the same.
for me the second would be -- gin/beer is food
							have a just swell day.

	PJF--->Biochem. grad student.
					React with this!
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: Short Shameful Confession
Organization: Encore Computer Corporation
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 18:46:08 GMT

bc@Apple.COM (bill coderre) writes:
>mr HEINOUS
>then again, Charlie's Angels was indeed a hair show if I ever saw one

Yeah, but so was The Partridge Family.  I won't put too much weight it
though.

Ooooh, Keith, love your hair, babe.

Thou shalt not covit Keith's hair.
--
mr asynchronous                                   kschnitzius@encore.com
From: bc@Apple.COM (bill coderre)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: drugs
Date: 26 Sep 92 09:55:18 GMT
Organization: Apple Computer Inc, Cupertino, CA

Kent writes:
|Your arguments continue to be full of non-sequiters, side trails,
|denial, and nonsense. ....

|Oh, and you've added rotten proofreading to your evidence of brain
|damage.

Kent, please remember rule 1A of the flamers' handbook: 
   "If you are going to criticize someone else's proofreading, make sure
   to run your article through the spell checker."

And if I might add one more suggestion:
   Just because you consider yourself a bastion of newsgroup
   rec.foo.d, does not automatically impart foo-ness to every
   utterance of your hallowed lips. Your shit still does stink, your
   farts still might be illuminated best by a match, not a tome of
   reasoning. 

Lemma:
   Mindless knee-jerk arguments against drugs are about a dime a dozen
   dozen dozen. They are not nearly so precious as to be considered
   bizarre.

Hitler's Theorem:
   Even if you CAN make a sufficiently unwonted argument form, if it
   is sufficiently fascist, it is automatically not bizarre. This was
   proven brute force by the weight of millions killed. It need not be
   verified again.

Bottom Line:
   Although I am sorry you feel drugs to be an evil menace, I don't think
   it's interesting to hear you criticize them to the extent of taking
   them away from people smarter than you. And this is not
   because CJ is my ex-, but merely because it is boring and
   self-centered to assume that the net considers your opinion so
   valuable.

(By the way, I did look up all the words, just to make sure.
And I am posting under the influence of more than two psychoactive
agents, caffeine and lack of sleep notwithstanding.)

mr HEINOUS
attitude is not beatitude
From: TJM@MATH.AMS.ORG (Tom Maloney)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: entrepreneurial visions
Date: 5 Oct 92 17:28:14 GMT

From: terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (St Theresa of the Net)
>What i really really wanna do is incorporate with all my past and present
>boyfriends and harness all their computer knowledge and make lots of money.

>It would probly work.

What st. terri meant to say was:

What i really really wanna do is harness all my past and present
boyfriends

     --- IN BED !!!

Tom
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering)
Subject: Re: haiku
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 92 03:11:41 EDT
Organization: The Practical Smokers

In article <1992Sep30.000214.6971@cs.ucla.edu> jperry@oahu.cs.ucla.edu (John Perry) writes:
>In article <74z--V-@engin.umich.edu> ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering) writes:
>>-- all good haikus begin with "cherry blossoms fall"
>
>  cherry blossoms fall
>  they fall and fall and fall
>  falling cherry blo
>
>  john-san

Oops, my mistake.  I forgot.  All good haikus begin with either
"cherry blossoms fall" or "moonlight on bare trees."

As an example, an antique Dr. Rabbit flame:

   Moonlight on bare trees
   Nameless star-spawn shambles near
   Doctor Rabbit posts.

ljd
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: wavey davey wavey davey wavey davey wavey davey
Keywords: kill die
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Sat, 26 Sep 1992 13:53:55 GMT

In <1992Sep22.031304.11887@fcom.cc.utah.edu> PJF4081@CC.UTAH.EDU (big daddy hate box) writes:
>In <1992Sep21.095348.8928@vax.oxford.ac.uk> reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk writes:
>% So, I will just restrict myself to saying "Please go away now, you not
>% very nice person".
>% Jason
>	JASON, MY DEAR JASON. I BELIEVE THE PROPER ENGLISH TERM YOU WERE SO 
>INEPT AT FINDING WAS    	PISS  OFF.  	now, we will all thank you to 
>shut the door when you are through shitting out the rest of your brains. also, 
>how can you say i am not a very nice person, i am kind and generous and 
>thoughtful as well. so there. i am sure you have a lot of angst due to the 
>insanely large inferiority complex the english have when they first realize 
>that their pitiful excuse for a country is a tiny island that could disappear 
>with the careful employment of a few large earth moving machines. i hope your 
>country sinks as far as the pound has the past week. ciao, love ya baby.

In the Boston Globe yesterday, there was an article about England's having
withdrawn their currency from the currency trading system (since no one in
their right mind wants to own any of it, anyway).  The British Prime Minister,
John Major, was quoted as saying that despite this, England must not become
"a sour, isolated nation off the mainland of continental Europe."

Is this one of those "better break it to him gently" situations?
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cpl1@kimbark.uchicago.edu (M. d'Nereverri)
Subject: Re: In the news...
Reply-To: cpl1@midway.uchicago.edu
Organization: Secret Society of Super-Squirrels (Honorary Member)
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 02:52:54 GMT

pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader) writes:
>
>COM ED SAYS SQUIRREL DID IT

ahhhhh.

things are proceeding as planned, then...


M.
weeping for the valiant kamikaze

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: caz@owlnet.rice.edu (HWRNMNBSOL)
Subject: Re: Rictus Hep Revolutionizes Business Economics
Organization: Rice University
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 03:17:36 GMT

In article <6473@ac13.cs.nps.navy.mil>, rpwhite@ac13.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) writes:
|> jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods) writes:
|> 
|> >"A dime is money!"
|> 
|> BzzzzzzzzzzzzT!
|> 
|> What the learned Rictus actually said was:
|> 
|>    "A dime here and a dime there and pretty soon you're talking about real
|>      money."

Nyet, Nyet, Nyet.

The true quotation is:

"*TWO* nickels?! For that TEENY LITTLE dime?"


Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: boutell@cshl.org (Tom Boutell)
Subject: Grand Fenwick
Organization: Cold Spring Harbor Labs
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 17:33:21 GMT

The mouse that Borscht.

-- 
Tom Boutell, boutell@cshl.org

Clausthaler is the best non - alcoholic beer in the known universe.
From: Morrisa_Sherman@autodesk.com
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: My lunch hour
Date: 5 Oct 92 20:18:00 GMT

Oh my.  

I just got back.  I started to go down by the boats for my lunch hour, 
but I never got there.  Sitting out back of Mollie Stone's was an old, 
tiny, African woman who smelled of urine and whiskey.  She was shod only 
in careworn, rubber swimming-pool thongs, and the skin stretched over 
her swollen toe-joints was cracked and bleeding.   You know the Indic 
avatar sculptures of the Buddha Gautama fasting for enlightenment? The 
ones that show a torso so gaunt, he has five or six extra sets of ribs?  
This woman was so thin, she had extra ribs.  I'm sure of it.  She was 
muttering animatedly about the evils of the children to unseen 
companions.

I went into Mollie's, bought some milk, some aspirin, a container of 
vegetable-chicken soup, a big soft loaf of bread, a plastic basin, a 
washcloth, a four pack of Ivory soaps, some hydrogen peroxide, some 
cotton balls, and a six pack of women's socks and came back.

"May I take care of you for a few minutes?" I asked, "I have 
food and some help for your feet.  My feet hurt too, sometimes.  I can 
see it's very hard on you today."

"Don't you be messing with my feet, Bitch White Devil Girl! You are 
damned for a dog, Girl!  The taint of generations of iniquity are on 
your brow, branded like a cow, Girl, and you can't save yourself with 
me!  Ain't none can save you and all the evil children but Anansi!"

"Anansi?  Not Jesus? Anansi, the spider hero, the clever one, the thief, 
the glutton, the bald one, the African arthropod Falstaff? He to whom 
all stories belong?  Anansi can save me if I let him?"

"White Devil Girl, you know Anansi?" 

"Yes, for he whispers jokes and stories in my ears at night.  In the 
morning, all I remember is the tickle, but you know his words stick like 
tree-gum, and he said I should give you food and take care of your 
feet."

"All right then, go ahead," she conceded.  

So I gave her the soup and bread, and told her to take the aspirin with 
the milk for her feet.  I washed her feet with water from a nearby 
faucet, cleaned her skin with the peroxide ("Why it fizz like that, 
Girl?"  --"Because it's killing the bacteria, Auntie. You know your feet 
are very good when it doesn't fizz at all."), and gave her a pair of the 
socks to wear.  I told her Anansi said to wash her feet and clean them 
with the peroxide every day, that she should wear the socks to protect 
her feet,  and that the basin and soap would be good for washing her 
socks, and maybe her other clothes in too.   

Then I had to go back to work.

She says her name is Angeline, and that maybe I won't go to hell, after 
all.  I sure hope she's right.

__________________MorrisaS%autodesk.com
                  If a clod of dirt washes into the ocean,
                  Europe is the less, you know.
From: inspecti@carnival.lbl.gov
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: natural selection as an argument against safety equipment
Date: 2 Oct 92 19:37:00 GMT
Reply-To: inspecti@carnival.lbl.gov ()
Organization: Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory
NNTP-Posting-Host: carnival.lbl.gov

In article <1affliINNii5@fido.asd.sgi.com> cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
>---
>Natural Selection as an Argument against Safety Equipment in
>Automobiles


operative word AUTOMOBILES.


stupidity USED to be self-correcting in specimines who survived.

but don't let me CATCH you w/o a helmet, cj.

inspecti paternal
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.music.misc,rec.music.industrial