HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: Laurie Mann
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: thelma and louise (movie)
Keywords: Good wishes to Ladyhawke!
Date: 15 Apr 92 23:36:11 GMT
Reply-To: lmann@vineland.pubs.stratus.com

Bron writes
>I saw the movie "Thelma and Louise" for the first time Sunday night and was
>appalled at my feelings:  I found myself cheering these women on for  
committing
>crimes!  lately I've gotten in touch with a lot of anger I have towards men,
>especially ones in authority.  (I must say that I do not feel angry at any men
>on this net, nor really men in general).  It was good to see women as
>non-victims.  Intellectually I don't think crime is good, and I think there  
are
>more positive ways to deal with an abusive past.  But something in me cheered
>for them.  I think it was Thelma who was the more passive character at the
>beginning and she really came alive during the movie, letting her hair down,
>making choices, taking risks.  In some ways I feel I'm doing that lately
>(although cerntainly not committing crimes.)  I was happy for her.  How did
>others feel about this movie?

I loved the movie.  It's mindless-mush in a way, but I liked the
characters, and I was really rooting for them, even though it
was clear it was never going to work.

Ladyhawke, this might be your kind of movie!!!!

Other movies that are fun to see if you're in an awful
mood are Tootsie, Soapdish, Splash, Victor/Victoria,
Hannah and her Sisters.

* NeXT: lmann@vineland.pubs.stratus.com  GEnie,AOL: Laurie.Mann *
***    I guess we all have to fall apart a little, once in    ***
***   a while, in order to rebuild our dreams.  Tappan King   ***
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hartfiel@galley.cis.ohio-state.edu (mathew alan hartfield)
Subject: Re: Problems with a new baby in the family
Organization: The Ohio State University, Department of Computer and Information Science
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 14:59:24 GMT

In response to my post about my brother's new baby, Gerald Firl wrote:
>
>Do you think it would do any good to tell your brother, and his wife, that
>you would hate, really *hate*, to see the new baby have to go through the
>same shit you did? Anything from a veiled hint to an outright threat of 
>criminal prosecution? Might be worth a try.
>

I'm planning on sending a letter, addressed to both of them, telling them
about my memories of my mother sexually abusing a baby while I was in the
room.  I'm scared shitless about it, though.

	I haven't told anyone in my family about this abuse, and I know that
it is going to cause massive repurcussions.  I was planning on cutting ties
completely with my family, so I guess this is as good a time as any to
bring this out in the open.

One of the things that is really tough about this baby being born is that my
brother told me in 1987, when I came out to him, that if he ever had children
I would not be welcome around them.  He was afraid that I would influence them
into being gay.

God, that pisses me off!!!!!!

I mean, he is the one who forced me to have sex with the neighbors, an incident
that he now insists he made up to tease me about.

Dammit, I'm mad!

	I need to quit stuffing this anger, because it is affecting my eating.

I have binged twice this week.  I haven't purged, so at least part of my pro-
gram is holding.

This shit hurts so bad.  I'm so pissed!!!!!!

Thank you for those of you who replied by e-mail.

I apologize for not responding directly.  I'm really having a hard time keeping
my school life together while all of this shit is going on, and it seems like 
I never have enough time.

Thanks for being out there.  If anyone has e-hugs to spare, I'd appreciate it.


--
Matt Hartfield
hartfiel@cis.ohio-state.edu

Character Density, n.:
                   The number of very weird people in the office.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: confused
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Sun, 12 Apr 1992 20:17:31 GMT

asar.316@wpi.wpi.edu   writes:

>ACS Name: Shannon
> 
>Hi....I haven't gotten the courage to post under my real name (at least not
>yet.) I'm having trouble in several areas of my life. It's almost like when I
>get on part of it settled another thing comes up. Oh well. I've made it this
>far, I can make it the rest of the way. One problem I'm having is in the area
>of trust. I either tell the people who I'm with everything, or nothing at all.
>It's like an all or nothing situation. I'm afraid of telling people too much
>to the point to where I push them away. I'm currently seeing a guy and I've
>told him everything that happened (which is a lot). I'm really afraid that if
>I continue, this will push him away, and we have really neat "normal" 
>conversations. Then there's my friends, I don't want to burn them out. What do
>I do? I'm so divided it's not funny. A part of me wants to tell them because
>it's good for me to talk. Another part says "shut up, do you want to lose them
>as friends". I need some suggestions...I'm afraid I'm scaring all of my
>friends away. 

>Thanks for listening, I apperciate it. Any suggestions are welcome.

>-Shannon

one of the most useful things i've learned about dealing with people (which i
unfortunately learned the hard way) is that it's best not to try and out-think
a situation like this.  if you're afraid of scaring your friends off, tell them
this.  "i want to tell you some things, but i'm afraid they'll scare you off,
and i don't want to lose you as a friend."  in my experience, this works quite
well.  odds are your friends are stronger than you seem to think.  if you warn
them "danger!  sharp turns ahead!" they will be quite able to handle it.  if
you continue to worry about whether or not to tell them, they will probably
sense your unease around them, which could have exactly the result you fear.  i
say this not to make you paranoid, just to express my opinion that this is one
of those many cases where complete honesty is the way to go.  if i were your
friend and you were that worried about losing me as a friend, i think i would
be flattered.  i would want you to tell me and would feel honored that you
trusted me enough to do so.  

welcome, take care, and best wishes.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: bouchard@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Hilary )
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Advice Needed (Please)
Date: 7 Apr 92 16:10:40 GMT
Article-I.D.: mentor.44231
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center



Hi! My two closest friends, who are sisters (ages 20 and 21), have recently
confided in me that they were both sexually abused by their stepfather over
a 7 year time period.  Neither sister has ever received any counselling, and
both are willing to give it a try, but they are unsure of how to find a "good"
therapist and/or how they should approach getting help.  Any advice???
I was violently raped at 14, but didn`t seek medical attention until 3 days
after the attack, and although I am sure that the doctors that treated me
were certain of what had transpired, they never referred me to counselling or
told my parents.  I feel that both sisters and I share certain traits, such
as insecurity, an inability to trust others, and self-destructive behavior in
relationships and life, itself.  Are these common to victims of sexual abuse?
Are there any good books that we should read?  Would group counselling or
individual counselling be more effective?  Is it necessary since we are
all finally able to stop hiding the past and discuss it amongst ourselves?
              
				  Thank You,
					    Hilary
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: sfjr@wam.umd.edu (Steve Russell)
Subject: Sherri needs help
Organization: University of Maryland at College Park
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 00:58:47 GMT


Help!  I really feel like I'm losing it.  I've been having new flashbacks
about being abused by a pretty old man when I was really young (like 2-4 yrs.
old, not young for some people here, but young compared to the memories I
usually think of as my 'period of abuse'--I had really gotten used to just
thinking there was one).  Anyway, I hardly believe it.  Everything is too
weird, really disjointed, I basically just get quick flashes of information,
or, more often, visual images of something happening.  I've had really strong
physical reactions too, and I've never had them before.  So, like, it's
really likely that I'm just making it all up, right?  Still feels that way.

I finally started to really feel back to normal, sort of, but I was driving
today and some information sort of came to me, I think.  I went in to
the store where I work, thinking there'd be lots of supportive people around,
as well as enough distraction to perhaps hold off the memories for awhile.
There were, and I kept trying to prepare to say something about what I was
going through (it's pretty public knowledge that I'm an abuse survivor, but
I haven't told many people about the recent stuff), but I wimped out an
I never said anything about it.

I feel so wimpy, and fucked up, and mush-brained, and ineffectual--

I hate this!

Sherri

(All responses and ehugs appreciated and begged for)



Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anne@cco.caltech.edu (Anneliese Lilje)
Subject: Re: Friend in trouble with violent boyfriend
Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 21:25:14 GMT

In article <1992Apr7.053127.5416@wpi.WPI.EDU> asar.219@wpi.wpi.edu (Alice) writes:
>APS-Name: Alice
>Subject:  Friend in trouble with violent boyfriend
>Hi guys.
>I've been really worried about a friend of mine lately.  I just found out
>that the guy she's been seeing is beating her up badly.  She left him
>and went to her parents house, with the intention of getting a restraining
>order, but she was back together with him the next day.
>I want to get in touch with her, but I don't know what to say.  Every time
>I think about the conversation I would have with her, I always end up
>getting angry at her in my mind for wrecking her life like this.  We have
>also drifted apart, and haven't lived near each other for a few years.  My
>feelings about this are really tangled, because I was also in a nasty 
>relationship.  Although I was not beaten, I was afraid for my life and was
>coerced into a lot of nasty things.  This obviously complicates my feelings
>about the situation.
>    My question is, what can I do and what should I say to her?  I want
>to go back home (where she lives) and organize a lynch mob, but I don't 
>think that would really help.  Does anybody who's been in such a situation
>know how I could say anything to her that would possibly help?  She says
>to her parents that "he needs her" and that he's not really a batterer or 
>anything, despite her bruised rib and black eye.  They are supportive, at
>least.   I wish I knew how to help.  Thanks for listening.
>Alice

What really stinks about all this is that there isn't a lot you can DO
for her. She needs to do for herself. What you are in control of is the
following:

1) Perhaps you can give her the names and phone numbers of local shelters
   for battered women. 

2) You can report abuse to the police if you hear or see them fighting. Just
call and tell them that there is a domestic disturbance at ... wherever.

3) You can tell her straight that you know he is beating her and there is 
   nothing she can say to justify the beating in your eyes. Make it 
   clear to her that this is how you perceive the reality of the beating.
   Do not acknowledge her attempts to say things like..."He's not really
   battering me... blah blah." Make it clear that if she is going to 
   get out of the situation, she must take the first step.

If her parents are supportive than at least that is a good start. 
Remember...there are boundaries here over which if *You* cross, you make 
the situation worse.

anne

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar.322@wpi.wpi.edu  
Subject:  A new user
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
X-Aps2-Version: 2.1
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 00:00:26 GMT


Hi.  This is my first time using this system...so be patient with me.

I am a survivor of child-on-child sexual abuse.  Is there anyone else here
who can relate to this?  I was abused by an older cousin who was under
the age of 18.  I didn't even realize that it was sexual abuse until
I read an article in the Oct. 1991 issue of Rolling Stone about child-on-
child sexual abuse.

I am a freshman in college, and I've been dealing with tremendous guilt
feelings, many of them stemming from the fact that my perp was a child.
I feel at times that I should have been able to stop him since he wasn't
an adult.  In addition, I have read many books about healing, but most
of them talk about adult perps. I wish there was more written about my
experience.  I feel sometimes like I'm the only one. 

On a lighter note, my general recovery is coming along well...
I have not done any self-mutiliation in over a month :)
and I completely stopped drinking... 
So...it can be done :)
I still have my bad times... I still cry a lot and I still can't sleep 
sometimes.  But I can see the light.

I have been reading this group for a few days, and I really like it.

I don't know a lot about the system though...

If anyone else has info about child-on-child sexual abuse, lemme know...
thanks

-Nina

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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: geroldf@sdd.hp.com (Gerold Firl)
Subject: Re: Problems with a new baby in the family
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, San Diego Division
Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1992 00:03:28 GMT

hartfiel@cis.ohio-state.edu (mathew alan hartfield) writes:

>	Today I'm writing because my brother's wife just had a baby,
>and I'm really upset about it.  I hate the thought that he is going
>to go through the same things that my family did to me.

Do you think it would do any good to tell your brother, and his wife, that
you would hate, really *hate*, to see the new baby have to go through the
same shit you did? Anything from a veiled hint to an outright threat of 
criminal prosecution? Might be worth a try.

>	Does anyone relate?

Yes. It makes me mad too.

-- 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Disclaimer claims dat de claims claimed in dis are de claims of meself,
me, and me alone, so sue us god. I won't tell Bill & Dave if you won't.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=----   Gerold Firl @ ..hplabs!hp-sdd!geroldf
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar-admin@wpi.wpi.edu
Subject: Using the a.s.a.r Anonymous Posting Service - The short form
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Reply-To: asar-admin@wpi.wpi.edu
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Sun, 12 Apr 1992 00:40:08 GMT

Last update: Oct. 1, 1991

To post a NON-anonymous article to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery:

	Just post like you would to any other group.
	alt.sexual.abuse.recovery is not moderated.

To post an anonymous article to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery:

	E-MAIL your article to asar-post@wpi.wpi.edu

	Anything after a line beginning with  "--" is considered
	signature and is removed.

To find out if you can get mail to wpi.wpi.edu, or to find out
what your alias would be if you did post an anonymous posting:

	Send e-mail to "asar-ping@wpi.wpi.edu".
	Doesn't matter what's in the body of the message, no one
	ever sees it when you "ping".

To get help, make suggestions, complain, etc.:

	Send e-mail to "asar-admin@wpi.wpi.edu".

If your e-mail path contains any of the strings "MAILER", "mailer",
"DAEMON", "daemon", "uucp", "POSTMASTER", "postmaster", "DELIVER",
"news" or "root", anything you send to asar-post or asar-ping will be
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For more information, you may read the "Long Form" version of the
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From: gery@midway.uchicago.edu (Black Pearl)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: re-post
Date: 7 Apr 92 17:59:21 GMT
Article-I.D.: midway.1992Apr7.175921.15936
Organization: University of Chicago

In article <1992Apr6.173156.9738@wpi.WPI.EDU>, November writes:
 
> .... But,with the
> help of my supportive wife, who is in the substance abuse recovery
> field, my therapist and S.I.A. group I hope to combat the denial by
> TALKING and not succumbing to the old script in my head that I have
> working so hard to rewrite. I have obviously edited and added to my
> original message I might as well since I still haven't gotten a handle
> on this E-mail stuff.  Anyway my thanks and gratitude to everyone on
> asar, this group is very validating even if I'm just listening.

Welcome! And congratulations for just saying no to silence, seeking
truth when others would choose lies.

Friends in healing,
Black Pearl
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar.312@wpi.wpi.edu ( Andi) 
Subject:  Re: Dealing with death
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
X-Aps2-Version: 2.1
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 12:31:24 GMT


APS-Name:  Andi

Lions and Tigers,

Hi.  My perp died about four years ago and I felt much the same
as you do.  Good riddance, etc.  I felt no compassion at all, 
(which is strange for someone who cries during Hallmark card 
ads) and I never got the chance to confront him either.  He 
died of cirrhosis and was not a relative.  And, on the other
side, I can relate to losing a grandfather.  My grandfather
passed away last Saturday and I was with him when he died.  He
was a very sweet, loving man and I sure miss him.  It was a 
very wrenching ordeal to watch his life slip away and to see 
the life leave his body.  I have never seen a person die 
before and I hope I never have to again.  

It was a very gut wrenching experience and I still feel 
bothered by it.  Yet, even to this day, I don't feel badly
about my perp; his death sort of released some of the pain.
Yet there are still feelings of regret.  You know, "why 
didn't I ever say something?"  "Why didn't I confront him?"
Does my pain die with him?  Nope.  That question I can answer.
Sometimes I feel like, "well, he's gone now, shouldn't the 
pain go away too?"  If only that were true.

Well, I guess I'm trying to tell you that you aren't alone.
It is a weird feeling knowing your perp is going to die.  Lots
of paradoxical emotions flying around, clashing with each 
other.  It must be so much harder for you since your perp is
your grandfather.  I feel for you.  I hope things will go 
better for you.  They will . . . they have to.    

Hope that helps.

Andi : )
 


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar.219@wpi.wpi.edu (Alice) 
Subject:   Friend in trouble with violent boyfriend
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
X-Aps2-Version: 2.1
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 05:31:27 GMT

APS-Name: Alice
Subject:  Friend in trouble with violent boyfriend
Hi guys.
I've been really worried about a friend of mine lately.  I just found out
that the guy she's been seeing is beating her up badly.  She left him
and went to her parents house, with the intention of getting a restraining
order, but she was back together with him the next day.
I want to get in touch with her, but I don't know what to say.  Every time
I think about the conversation I would have with her, I always end up
getting angry at her in my mind for wrecking her life like this.  We have
also drifted apart, and haven't lived near each other for a few years.  My
feelings about this are really tangled, because I was also in a nasty 
relationship.  Although I was not beaten, I was afraid for my life and was
coerced into a lot of nasty things.  This obviously complicates my feelings
about the situation.
    My question is, what can I do and what should I say to her?  I want
to go back home (where she lives) and organize a lynch mob, but I don't 
think that would really help.  Does anybody who's been in such a situation
know how I could say anything to her that would possibly help?  She says
to her parents that "he needs her" and that he's not really a batterer or 
anything, despite her bruised rib and black eye.  They are supportive, at
least.   I wish I knew how to help.  Thanks for listening.
Alice

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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: asar.318@wpi.wpi.edu  
Subject:  for changeling
Followup-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
X-Aps2-Version: 2.1
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service @ WPI
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1992 03:39:38 GMT

APS name: November

I like to post some of my experience with acoa meetings but I'm a little
cramped for time right now. I would like to suggest that you get a copy of 
an article written by Survivors of Incest Anonymous. It's called "Bittersweet".
It addresses the issues that survivors face in other twelve step support groups,
AA, NA, ACOA, etc.Sometimes anger is viewed as a character defect at some 
meetings.This pamphlet validates the need for survivors to have a supportive
environment for dealing with the massive issue of rage and anger.Issues of 
trust,isolation,feelings in general,self-esteem are covered.I found this 
article usefull in terms of perspective. If you haven't read this article 
pick one up at an S.I.A. meeting or..
Survivors of Incest Anonymous
P.O.Box 21817
Baltimore, MD.21222-6817
(301) 282-3400
I hope to post again soon, thanks to all of you on asar.

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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery