From: clare@nynexst.com (Clare Chu)
Subject: Re: Asian males aren't attractive? (was Re
Organization: Nynex Science and Technology
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 92 15:44:35 GMT

In article <1992Dec29.230100.11946@utagraph.uta.edu> thao@cse.uta.edu (Laly Thao) writes:
>In article <1992Dec28.185415.6109@midway.uchicago.edu> tsh2@midway.uchicago.edu writes:
>>In article <1992Dec15.142428.23744@nynexst.com> clare@nynexst.com (Clare Chu) writes:
>>>
>>>  What made me decide to date outside my race?  Lack of opportunity, mainly.
>>>  Since men do the asking, an Asian man has a better chance of controlling
>>>  who he dates because he picks who he asks or doesn't ask.  Since women
>>>  usually don't ask, they only get to choose from the guys who ask.  If
>
>[*poof*]
>
>>>  If you are determined to date within your own
>>>  race, then you have a LONG wait.  Ask any of my still-single Asian female
>>>  friends.					    ^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
>names, clare, i need names...and addresses...and phone numbers  :-)
>fill up my "little black book"...heheh.

  Well I can't post her name, but she's Japanese-American, works in Downtown
  L.A. for this Japanese-American Cultural Center, or something like that,
  is very involved in Asian-American activities on the weekends, and gets
  mobbed by WM whenever we go somewhere, but isn't interested in them.

  I had a few others, but recently some of them gave up and married WM,
  and one was set up with a Singaporean Chinese-American.  But the amount
  of head-hunting, (er networking) that took was tremendous.  She used to
  give all her head-hunters (er friends) a list of qualifications and
  criteria, ranked in order of importance.  And not many men (period)
  would meet her criteria.  I'm glad she finally found someone.  To make
  you'all feel better, Chinese-ge/cu was at the top of her list, next to
  fundie-Christianity.  Next was handsome, tall, professional (doctor
  preferred), financially stable (means has a house in suburban California),
  athletic, and not over 40, wants kids.  She actually got what she wanted!
>
>>
>>This is a pretty funny response: LACK OF OPPORTUNITY??  Yeah, I believe that one.

  Speaking as someone who has been there... Yes.  I wanted very much to
  date a bunch of AA guys, but they never even looked my way.  I think it's
  because they think I look "jappy" with my single-eyelids.  There is a big
  prejudice against single-eyelid women in a lot of the Asian cultures (Chinese,
  Filipino) due to war with Japan.  That's why so many of us get that surgery.
  I didn't because I don't like the idea of altering my looks just to get dates.
  Besides, I knew this Jewish girl where both her and her brother had the big
  hook nose, and they looked at their parents and said, "Gee where did we
  get our noses?  Both of you have small noses."  And her mother said, "Well,
  um.... er.... I had a nose job..." and her father said, "You too???"
>
  I knew another AA woman who had the eyelid job and her cover was blown
  accidentally when I brought my college yearbook to work.  All the guys
  who were lusting after her felt "cheated" (not that she gave them the
  time of day, she was busy dating a Korean-American), but they said, wait
  until he finds out his kids have single-eyelids!  Ha ha ha.

  A lot of my K-A friends got their eyelids done because they wanted to
  get K-A boyfriends, only to end up with white husbands.  Oh well...
  These are women with Korean on the top of their list of criterion,
  but these guys didn't think they were attractive.  Then of course,
  they could tell when the eyelid was surgically altered and so rejected
  them for that reason too.  A nonAsian person is usually not even aware
  that there are such things as single vs. double eyelids, so it doesn't
  much matter for them.  In fact, some like the "exotic" look of the
  single eyelids and specifically go for it, without really knowing that
  is what they like.  I had to point out explicitly what was different
  about my eyes to a lot of people.  They just never noticed.

>didn't even spark a giggle much less become a funny response; there is
>truth in her reply.  
>
>>Also: men may do the asking most of the time: so what?  Does that mean that
>>as a woman you can't ask a man out?

  Yes and no.  My assertive AA friend with the shopping list did spend a lot
  of her time asking AA men out.  But they all treated her really badly, laughing
  about her "desparation", talking about her like she was worthless, criticizing
  her for being too aggressive, etc.  She is a born leader, someone who is a
  good organizer, manager, and very outspoken.  But it seemed that the guys
  preferred a more subdued type of woman.  And those women don't go around
  asking guys out.

  My friend even arranged business trips in the cities where the object of
  her attraction moved to, only to be rebuffed and criticized as being too
  forward and aggressive.  Meanwhile, it's not like any of those guys had
  any other dates either!

  I've had near-zippity-do-da success in "asking" AA guys out.  I usually
  suggest lunch in the cafeteria, which is okay.  But never followed up on.
  I know better than to suggest lunch at a cafeteria to a nonAsian guy who
  is looking.  Next thing you know they'll be following me around the campus!
>>
>>The fact of the matter is that many AF wouldn't give AM the time of day, and 
>				^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>well, you're either in the wrong neck of the woods or you need to get a
>watch. ;-)
>
>>it is obvious by the way they even look at AM.  Of course, I'm only referring
>>to the ones they call "twinkies..."

  How can you tell which AF is a twinkie and which one isn't?  Explain.
  Or do you just blithely assume that any AAF who speaks perfect English
  and dresses fashionably is a twinkie?  In that case you're the one making
  unwarranted assumptions.  

>>
>>anyone who denies this isn't fooling anyone.

>>>  What made me decide to date outside my race?  Lack of opportunity, mainly.
  Notice that I prefaced my post stating that it was my personal experience,
  not representative of AAFs everywhere.
>
>obviously you and clare have grown up in two vastly different regions.

  Well I grew up in L.A.  But up until college I spoke Black English.
  Maybe AA guys don't like women who speak Black English, I don't know.
  I still speak ghetto English to my sister-in-law and my husband thinks
  I/we sound stupid.  But if you met me now, you'll probably think I'm
  a twinkie because I speak regular American English.

>if asian females are giving you that much trouble, it's time to look
>elsewhere...clare has the names, numbers, etc....  8-)

  Yeah, but these people have criterion lists a mile long!  It's just
  that AA is at the top of their very long list!  :-)
>
>laly thao
>
>-- 
>
>thao@cse.uta.edu        |     "There are no balls!!" 
>b645zay@utarlg.uta.edu	|               -Goku from Dragon Ball 


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