HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rajar@herky.cs.uiowa.edu (Chandrashekar Rajaraman)
Subject: Re: General Theory of Depression
Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1993 01:22:49 GMT
Organization: University of Iowa, Iowa City, IA, USA

From article <1993Jan12.121945.6300@leland.Stanford.EDU>, by tullfan@leland.Stanford.EDU (Richard Thompson):
> In article <1993Jan12.102705.20306@cs.tu-berlin.de> gosper@opal.cs.tu-berlin.de (Carsten) writes:
>>present.
> For along time I was trying to recapture my old life!  But I don't see how I
> could.  I mean I've experienced so much since then--my old life was based
> on being pleasantly naive--how does one go back to that?  I feel permanantly
> cynical!  I feel like I'm going to have to get a totally new way to look at it
> all.  And you're right trying to find a "meaning" really does make things 
> worse!  Cuz there is none, and if you're wanting to find one badly, your're
> just going to be heartbroken--exactly what happened to me...
> 
> So where does your peace of mind come from?  How do you deal with so much 
> being beyond your ability to change things?  Is it just having friends around
> that helps you deal?

Hi,

This is my first post to this newsgroup and I have
been reading it for only two weeks or so, so
dont flame me if this post does not belong here.

I am twenty-four and have been feeling things similar
to those descrived above, for the last two years or
so. Then, I discovered "When All You've Ever
Wanted Isn't Enough: In Search of a Life That Matters"
- Harold Kushner (is this a well-known book, or
is HK well-known ?).
I found many soul-calming ideas in it. 
I recommend it strongly.

Chandra
-----------------------
Blame it all on me.
       - Ch.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: vedder@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (vedder julie ann)
Subject: Re: Fuck Middle Class Existence
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 16:01:21 GMT

Well, I wasn't raised by touring musicians, but I was raised by the lovely
and comforting military system.  Higher up on the social acceptability level
maybe, but no higher on the normality scale.  We moved every few years,
always to someplace a few thousand miles from the previous place, and 
everywhere I went I had people telling me it must be so *exciting* to
move around all the time and go to all these new places!  But what they
could never understand was that we never really moved anywhere different.
The people were generally the same, fitting into the same categories I 
set up in grade school.  The places had different climates, but the
neighborhoods were all the same, and the schools never changed.  It is
always the same.

I didn't have to watch it killing my father, but I got to watch it try to
kill me, by trying to turn me into someone just like everyone else I met.

Add severe disillusionment with the realities of our government and you
can find one angry navy brat.

My experience isn't the same, obviously, but it has parallels....

Julie--who already has a VW bug, only it doesn't have any psychedelic flowers...
From: ogorman@unix1.tcd.ie (Lucifuge)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: assassination chtulu gonad flora munster junkpot jesus president egg
Date: 11 Jan 93 14:01:00 GMT
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin

I can't resist it...  

Baa.

with a nod to Ms.Perkins.
--
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
  The Lord is my Shepherd............................but I'm not a Sheep
-----------------------------ogorman@unix1.tcd.ie-------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: ssalter@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (-=[SLS]=-)
Subject: Re: happy
Keywords: new 
Organization: OFSA
Distribution: alt.angst
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 17:26:14 GMT

apb.4819@nd.edu (voluptua love) suggests:

>till the mountains melt into the sea

Considering the nuclear armaments of this world that could happen
anyday...

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan)
Subject: Re: Books & MY New Year's
Organization: Johns Hopkins Computer Science Department, Baltimore, MD
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 20:56:59 GMT

hagop@edison.seas.ucla.edu (Hagop D. Janoyan) writes:

>She was 
>a gordeous blonde wearing a dress that showed plenty of cleavage.  
   ^^^^^^^^
Quite a set of gourds, eh?  Sorry, *I* didn't say that; my evil twin grabbed
the keyboard from me.  BTW, it's "gorgeous."  (No, this is *not* a spelling 
flame, just a minor correction.)

>I also don't believe in the "you will eventually find someone special 
>someday," which I've noticed mentioned many times in this newsgroup.  
>I think it's pure bullshit.

Of course!  What a silly thought.  If you're lucky, though, you may find someone
adequate.  Who knows, even I might one of these days.

--
"I would rather be torn to pieces by the poison-clawed cat, than to suffer one
instant of acceptance by the resident intellectuals of rec.arts.books." 
     [slightly modified; attribution left as an exercise to the reader]
              -- Paul Callahan, callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu --
From: pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: My New Year's Eve
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 93 22:18:16 EST
Distribution: world
Organization: darkpark

> :  "Amazed"? At what? "Oh, there's Marshall, and he's here without a 
> : date...better start throwing stones at him!"
> 
> i think you misread. i read it more like they'd be saying "oh my god,
> it must be the end times, look, he came in under his own power,
> unforced."
> i hate this sort of thing; i have a similar situation at work. since
> the office party where i discovred that i once again look good in a
> miniskirt, i've been wearing short skirts to work now and then. the
> only problem is this woman (and she's otherwise cool and i like her)
> who insists on makinng a big deal of it, saying "oooo, deb's got on a
> short skirt. get it, girlfriend!" it embarrasses me to have my
> presence pointed out, sometimes enough to keep me from doing things
> because i don't feel like hearing this kind of bullshit from my
> friends.

 Okay, I read that a couple of times, and think I understand. What I 
don't understand is how this is the same as Marshall's hesitation to 
enter a dance club without a woman at his side. I mean, sure, people have 
a bad habit of razzing one about a POSITIVE change (the new, slimmer you 
for example), but Marshall's situation seems to me to be a different 
kettle of fish. 
 Hmmm...on second thought, your argument has more relevance than I first 
thought. Still can't wrap my mind around it, though...please clarify.


> :  Do you think that you're the only one who's ever been alone? Who's ever 
> : been down? Who's ever had a depression New Year's? The trick isn't to 
> : WALLOW in your angst -- alt.angst, to me, isn't a place for such 
> : self-indulgence, but rather for a purging. Do you like your pain? Sure 
> : sounds like it...and unless you want it to be your constant companion, 
> : I'd suggest you try to deal with it before IT starts to deal with YOU.
> 
> good advice, but bear in mind that wallowing is a part of the healing
> process. it's only a problem when you try to substitute it for the
> entire process.

 Agreed without reservation.


marlowe

------------------------------------------------------------------darkpark BBS
pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: kilroy@acme.gen.nz (earthbound misfit, I)
Subject: Re: ennui?
Date: Sat, 09 Jan 93 13:57:51 GMT
Organization: ACME BBS - Public Access Usenet, Palmerston North, New Zealand
Reply-To: kilroy@acme.gen.nz (earthbound misfit, I)

llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:

> i don't want to do anything. nothing at all. 
> 
> [...]
>
> i'm not sleepy.
> 
> i don't want to go home.
> 
> i don't want to stay here.
> 
> i wish i had a place for times like this when i just want to crawl
> inside somewhere and kinda zone for a few hours. i don't feel
> suicidal.  i just want to detach. getting drunk would probably fix
> the feeling, but i don't want the calories.

Yeah, I know what you mean, I get like this at times. Sometimes I just want
to Be, to simply exist and not have to think about it.

What worries me is that I think it's occurring with slowly increasing
frequency. 

						- k

PS even my machine hates me - the first time I posted this inews barfed due
   to lack of drive space.
-- 
Craig Harding            kilroy@acme.gen.nz             ACME BBS +64 6 3551342
"Jub'er lbh pnyyvat n obmb?"
From: zlsiida@fs1.mcc.ac.uk (dave budd)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Petty "relationship angst"
Date: 11 Jan 93 11:36:30 GMT
Organization: Manchester Computing Centre

In article <dsmither.726545967@cunews> dsmither@alfred.carleton.ca (Diane Smithers) writes:

>Also, is there some kind of historical debate here in this group about
                             hysterical
>what constitute "legitimate, *serious* angst issues"? (or, alternatively,
>should I just get lost and go read an archive or something?)

and I don't mean hysterically funny either



        Never believe an experiment until it is confirmed by theory 
    Dave Budd, MCC, Oxford Rd, Manchester, England    (44|0)61-275-6033
From: dshire@ucrengr.ucr.edu (Darth S. Hire)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: New Year's
Date: 7 Jan 93 05:58:43 GMT
Organization: Waiting List, Brain Transplant Recipient

well, after hearing about how great everyone's New Year's was, i just felt that
i had to just jump in with my story...

after 5 hours of sleep (which was the average amount of sleep i've gotten this
entire winter break which really sucked cuz i had been planning to recover
all the lost sleep from school), i had no energy to do anythihng that day 
besides sit around the house, watch "little house on the prairie", "the love
boat", "CHiPs", talk shows and courtroom shows and check email. a good friend
comes over in the late afternoon and we just kinda hung around the house, 
couch potato-ing it, waiting for the New Year's Eve celebration specials to 
come on the tube. eventually they came on (but not before we got to see
A Spinal Tap Reunion. :) ) and so we sorta stared blankly at the tv, changing 
the channels manually cuz the remote was missing (and i don't know if you 
folks out there know how fun it is to change channels on a tv designed for
use with a remote control...). 

eventually, midnight came around and my friend and i stepped outside to
hear the idiots shoot their guns. it's pretty easy to tell the difference
between firecrackers and gunshots y'know. gunshots everywhere.

well, after standing around outside in the cold for 10 minutes, after the
gunshots died down, we came back inside, took a little catnap until about 2am.
then we got up and got ready to biking up and down colorado blvd, along the
Rose Parade parade route, looking at all the people camping out in their
nice little sleeping bags, resembling mounds of garbage.

we expected to be pelted by eggs but all that happened was that my friend got
pelted by shaving cream and we had to listen to cars driving by blasting
Top 40 music (sucks).

finally got back around 5:30am and then got woken up at 7:30am. sucks sucks 
sucks.

oh well. such is life.

david



-- 
d a v i d s h i r e d a v i d s h i r e d a v i d s h i r e d a v i d s
a Another fine posting by me!		a "body of a feeb, mind of an h
v dshire@cs.ucr.edu      		v infant so don't you call me i 
i And there was much rejoicing...	i an idiot"                   r
Organization: Arizona State University
Date: Tuesday, 12 Jan 1993 09:30:10 MST
From: <IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET> jo
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Fuck Middle Class Existence
 <93011.101214IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET> <1993Jan11.205504.9717@leland.Stanford.EDU>

well, having rejected job offers that would net me a decent income, not willing
to work for the gray corporate giant, i ended up partially selling out to
work for the university, even tho i seemed to have found a small niche that
allows me to stretch their petty rules of conformity to the limit. it pays
most of the bills, and i don't feel too badly about contributing to the
social malaise or the military establishment or the corporate greed to the
detriment of the country. i'd feel better selling goods out of the back of
my VW, tho. and i sometimes wish i had taken that job with Greenpeace--making
just as much (as little) as i make here--but with the kid, i just couldn't.

no guts i guess.

when she was a mere newborn, i worked for the no nukes people, schlepping
from city to city, door to door, the kid in a pack on my back. that while
being self-employed. it seemed to work while she was that small. (and we
kept telling ourselves that it was better for the Left with a republican
in office!) it wasn't until she was born that i felt a personal
responsibility to get out there and DO something, it was like this
terrible burden had dropped on me that i had to take some kind of
positive action to halt the arms race, that i couldn't look my child
in the eyes if i couldn't tell her that i'd tried.

anyhow, reality sets in, the economy goes to hell, you find a "real"
job. but i'm still schlepping door to door, still trucking to rallies
and meetings with the kid at my side. the EX tried at one point to
have me tagged an "unfit mother" because of my politics. it was
amusing to watch the judge slide laffing out of his chair.....

am i doing enuf? i wonder. am i doing too much? am i warping her beyond
repair? did i politicize her too young? will she end up a Hare Krishna
in an airport somewhere????

j.......................
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: dsmither@alfred.carleton.ca (Diane Smithers)
Subject: Re: Back To Work Angst
Organization: Carleton University
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 05:12:19 GMT

In <1993Jan7.191237.2979@cs.tulane.edu> matt@crawfish.math.tulane.edu (Matt Hopkins) writes:


>Whoever it was who lives in Ottawa, count yourself lucky.  I live in New  
>Orleans, where it is very easy (even encouraged!) to go out and find something  
>incredibly fun to do EVERY night.  

Having  survived (barely) 2 and a half years here, I wouldn't dream of
counting myself lucky.  I'm assuming that you mean because there's
nothing to do, it must be easier to work.  One of the lessons of doing
a degree in a whitebread, conservative, government town (or any other
place that is simularly unstimulating) is finding out just how important
your outside environment is when things don't go well at school (or
work), often your reason for being in the horrid place to begin with.  You
discover real fast that you don't have anything to escape into in
terms of outside culture to make you feel like a real person after the
grad school process has reduced you to your academic status.  So I
wish it were as simple as living in a boring place makes me incredibly
productive, but unfortunately motivation isn't like that.  I find it
helps to have an outside existence as well.

I did my last degree in Vancouver, and there is a hell of a lot more
to do there than here, and I would really like to have that situation
back so that when I AM working and I'd like to take a BREAK from
working, I wouldn't have to drive either 2 hours to Montreal or 4
hours to Toronto to DO SOMETHING FUN! ;<


Diane Smithers
From: callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Work in Progress
Date: 6 Jan 93 23:08:53 GMT
Organization: Johns Hopkins Computer Science Department, Baltimore, MD

Something about Xibo's post and some other events inspired me, so I spent an
hour schmoozin' with my muse and composed the following lyrics.  The meter
is really horrendous, but it fits an equally horrendous tune (sorta) that's 
going through my head.

--

I'm Just a Geek Who Can't Get Laid
----------------------------------

I'm just a geek and I can't get laid.
Doot da doot da doot doo
I'm just a geek and I can't get l-a-a-i-d.
Doot da doot da doot doo
Oh I'm just a geek and I cannot get l-a-a-a-i-i-d.

I don't understand 'cause I dress so cool.
Doot da doot da doot doo
Not like the way I dressed in school.
Doot da doot da doot doo
Oh I'm just a geek and I cannot get l-a-a-a-i-i-d.

On friday nights I go to the bar
Doot da doot da doot doo
With my silk shirt and my fancy car.
Doot da doot da doot doo
But I'm still a geek and I still can't get l-a-a-a-i-i-d.

My friends tell me I should go lift weights.
Doot da doot da doot doo
But I exercise when I masturbate. 
Doot da doot da doot doo
So I'm still a geek, but I wanta get l-a-a-a-i-i-d.

--

Well, there it is, including the faulty rhyme in the last verse.  Not exactly
what you'd call art, but I feel better for posting it.  Probably some more
verses would help to flesh it out, if anyone has any to add.

--
"I would rather be torn to pieces by the poison-clawed cat, than to suffer one
instant of acceptance by the resident intellectuals of rec.arts.books." 
     [slightly modified; attribution left as an exercise to the reader]
              -- Paul Callahan, callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu --
From: rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: General Theory of Depression
Date: 11 Jan 93 16:53:48 GMT
Organization: st. alfonso's pancake breakfast

In article <93011.084158IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET> IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET writes:
>
>Most people i know, and 99% of the men i've dated, i don't tell that I was
>abused by my ex-husband. its not that i try to keep it a secret, it just isn't
>relavent to my life anymore. sometimes, in certain situations, it will creep
>back to haunt me, but not too much anymore. Its kind of like having drug
>flashbacks, i guess. for example, this past week, some unidentified tv show
>playing in the background as I worked on the computer, drew my attention from
>the small Mac screen to the larger boob tube screen. someone's live-in had
>beat the crap out of her. she was weeping. minutes later, so was i. but
>it isn't something that happens often.

yeah, this is something i can really relate to. it's angstful, because i have 
very little control over it. i cannot stand to see violence on television,
because, although most of the time it's staged. i cannot do anything to stop
it. what's worse is that i react in ways that i can't control. a few friends
of mine (that knew about my experience) came over and brought the movie
'thelma and louise'. we watched it together, and when the scene came that a man
is trying to rape the more innocent of the two, i just couldn't take it. i
had to leave to room, and ended up sobbing uncontrollably on my bed. it wasn't 
even a very violent scene, by today's standards, but it just pierced me. my
friends (male and female) came in to comfort me, and understood what it was 
that made me react like that, and were great about it, even blaming themselves 
for the movie selection. but it's still trememdously embarassing not to have 
control like that, and it is draining to relive the scene of my own rape in 
my head every time i see one on television.

i know this isn't alt.rape-counseling, but the angst is in the lack of control
i have at times like this. like spalding's 'monster in a box', i am a control
freak. always have been, hate to ride as a passenger in someone's car, hate 
to watch people do something incorrectly, hate to not be able to change the 
world in some way.

bah.
--
		    -just give me what for,
	rachel perkins =  rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu
      coed naked internet grep! always keep your link up!
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: matt@crawfish.math.tulane.edu (Matt Hopkins)
Subject: Re: you win some, you lose some (kinda long)
Nntp-Posting-Host-[nntpd-24484]: crawfish.math.tulane.edu
Organization: Computer Science Dept., Tulane Univ., New Orleans, LA
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 19:50:34 GMT

In article <hammett.726414089@sbsu1.aukuni.ac.nz>  writes:
> callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan) writes:
> >She told me she wanted to be a writer.  I had already told her I was a grad
> >student (she had asked what I did for a living) and I eventually I wound up 
> >revealing that I studied Computer Science.   This (I'm afraid) sounded the 
> >death knell for any further social interaction.  I mean, I think I could  
have 
> >saved the situation if I wanted to, by moving on to other things, but then  
I 
> >actually started to comment on doing things like publishing papers and  
writing 
> >mathematical proofs.  She went off to look for her friends (she said), and 
> 
> I've also noticed that admitting to being a Computer Programmer tends to  
kill
> conversations. I've often thought about lying about my profession, but
> I've never been able to think up a suitably socially acceptable profession
> that I could lie convincingly about.

You can check off mathematics...  At least you don't get the "Oh, I always  
haaated computer science!  I was never any good at it!".  Whine, whine whine.   
I don't know how many times I've had the "All it takes is a little thought and  
it really isn't all that hard..." conversation.  It's happened so many times  
now that I've just walked away from people (girls especially) if the  
conversation heads in this direction...

And do you know how many women are in math that aren't already married?  sad,  
sad, sad...

So if someone has come up with a good alternate profession, please lemme know.   
The writer thing would be nice, but then the next question is "What do you  
write about?"  "Umm... truth (?)"

Matt

--
        matt@crawfish.math.tulane.edu (NeXT Mail accepted!)
 Matt Hopkins - Tulane University - Dept of Mathematics - New Orleans
 "Do you hate people?" "No ... but I seem to feel better when they're
      not around." - Barfly  "Hey mister! Throw me some beads!"
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: brm@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Brian R. Murphy)
Subject: Re: No meaning
Organization: none
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 22:59:03 GMT

In article <SBATE.93Jan4091800@mary.atl.ge.com> sbate@atl.ge.com writes:
>...
>Acknowledging your fate doesn't save you. It only gives you the
>*possibility* of escape. Without realization of the "terror of the
>situation", escape is impossible.

nothing can enable escape from the whole system.
like it or not, you are you and can't help it, without (maybe) ending it.

realizing your fate does help you to recognize a possibility of escape
from an unpleasant situation, if some mistaken belief about life's
meaning is keeping you there.  a slave who believes that it's god's
will that he be a slave will never escape.  a slave who's lost that
belief might have a chance.

of course, once he escapes, he's on his own.

--
					-Brian
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: dsmither@alfred.carleton.ca (Diane Smithers)
Subject: Re: Petty "relationship angst"
Organization: Carleton University
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 02:19:27 GMT

In <1993Jan8.221053.21824@cbnewsl.cb.att.com> conty@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (E. Kontei) writes:

>Last time I quit reading alt.angst, it was a-plenty with petty
>"relationship angst" stories, often told by people who would rather
>complain than get off their angsty a**es and DO something about
>their situation.

>I see things haven't changed.  Pity.

>How I spent my New Year's Eve:  I DON'T REMEMBER,
>AND I DON'T CARE, SO WHY THE **CK SHOULD YOU?!
>-- 
>			    E n r i q u e  C o n t y
>			       Master of Science!
>			      jester@ihlpm.att.com
>		    Disclaimer: You're not dealing with AT&T


As a new participator in this newsgroup, I wonder if someone could
tell me if this kind of anti-relationship-angst crusader thing
happens very often and perhaps offer some creative theories as to why?
Also, is there some kind of historical debate here in this group about
what constitute "legitimate, *serious* angst issues"? (or, alternatively,
should I just get lost and go read an archive or something?)

Diane