From: muffy@anableps.berkeley.edu (Muffy Barkocy)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: poly-wired?
Date: 13 Aug 92 15:12:14
Organization: Natural Language Incorporated
	<ZEN.92Aug10234913@death.corp.sun.com> <BsxC4z.DsK@world.std.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: anableps.berkeley.edu
In-reply-to: webber@world.std.com's message of Thu, 13 Aug 1992 13:29:21 GMT

In article <BsxC4z.DsK@world.std.com> webber@world.std.com (Robert D Webber) writes:
>>  >In article <ZEN.92Aug6190333@death.corp.sun.com> zen@death.corp.sun.com (d) writes:
>>  No, nothing of the sort.  I said that I was having problems, and if
>>anyone had any similar stories to tell, I'd be happy to hear them.
>>I don't see where you get me asking for people to tell me what to do or
>>think out of that.

>I think it was some stuff you left out of your quote of me quoting you
>that did it: I apologize if I was wrong again, but:

>>... Anyway, what I'm after is
>>for any advice or anecdotes of others that may have gone through (or are
>>going through) similar hard times -- either with the result being that
>>you (or perhaps someone else close to you) overcame your social
>>upbringing, or that you didn't, because, perhaps, it's something
>>inherent or wired in.

>It's the part about it being wired in: the fact that you even ask
>this question makes me wonder whether you aren't looking for a reason
>to say, "Well, I couldn't do it, but it ain't natural so I'm not
>to blame."

Well, d has now said that wasn't the case several times.  Why do you
keep insiting that it is?  Don't you think that the person who writes an
article should be able to say what they were actually saying, if someone
misunderstands them?

>Your other posts seem a bit defensive of the non-poly
>attitude, too. 

Having followed this exchange, it would seem to me to be the other way
around.  You seem to be claiming some sort of poly-superiority and d is
saying that poly is just another possible way to live, one d is
interested in trying, but is having trouble with.  Why do you object to
someone asking for some reassurance/hope that, even if it is hard, it is 
still possible?  Is it that you think polyness is so superior that it
shouldn't be hard for people, so it's offensive for anyone to say that
it's hard for them?

>And please note that I did _not_ suggest that you
>wanted to be told "what to think," just whether or not it was reasonable
>to have the feelings you do.

Well, actually, you said:

>  >So basically you want to be told that either you're not entitled to
>  >your feelings or you are?

Which is more being told what to think than it is being told whether or
not what you think is reasonable (!= 'ENTITLED').  I don't think d was
asking for either of these, though...the original post asked for similar
experiences.  Now, maybe it's just me, but if I asked for people's
anecdotes and experiences, I would not be asking them to either tell me
what to think or validate my feelings, I would just be trying to learn
from other people's experiences, since I didn't have enough of my own.

>>[...] Yeah, I'm currently working on my esteem.  So what else is new?
>>I said all this in my post.
>Oops, sorry not to make every line of my post a positive and novel
>contribution to your life situation.

Well, heck, if you're just going to repeat what someone says in their
post, why reply to them?

Muffy
--

Muffy Barkocy | muffy@mica.berkeley.edu | wi.4636@wizvax.methuen.ma.us
~Little round planet/in a big universe/sometimes it looks blessed/
 sometimes it looks cursed/Depends on what you look at, obviously/
 But even more it depends on the way that you see~ - Bruce Cockburn