HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: anon-1311@twwells.com (Noel)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: hi again from chinadoll
Date: 29 Dec 92 17:59:16 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Hi Chinadoll........

you wrote:


>Now, I have a problem.  Right now, I am living with my SO, but in a few
>days I have to move back to my parents' house.  I am going to live with
>my father and brother again.  I am very scared and I am having many
>nightmares.  I do not want to let them hurt me.  I won't let them
>hurt me.  But how can I live there and live in constant fear?  I have
>to live there (with my parents), because I will be student teaching
>and I won't be able to afford to pay rent.  Anyways, I will be able
>to read and post on netnews on the weekends, (when I visis my SO).
>The whole situation sucks.  I do not want to be that scared little
>girl again.


*************************
I have only one thing to say about this:  DONT MOVE BACK IN THERE.  I dont know who 
your perps are/were, but if they were your brother or father, you should not move back home.
Chances are you will become a basket case if you have to see them everyday.  I does not matter
if you have to wait tables and live in a little studio alone, ANYTHING is better than living
with your perps.  Please, think, REALLY think about this before you go back, China.  There are
always other alternatives..........



Take care of yourself.  Fear, is a terrible place in which to live.....




With strength and courage,


NOEL



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From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: looking for relationships
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1993 20:03:08 GMT

cloister bell (cloister@stein.u.washington.edu) wrote:

: well, from my personal experience, i would say go ahead and give up!  this
: looking for love stuff is hard work, i remember!  i got so tired of rejection,
: so tired of the longing for people who longed for other people, fed up with "i
: like you as a friend," etc.  so i gave up.  no one says you *have* to be
: attached to an s.o.  you're not any less of a person for being single.  anyway,
: maybe it was just luck or maybe something in my attitude (desperation?) changed
: when i gave up looking, because that's when i found my s.o.  so take care of
: yourself.  there tends to be someone out there for everyone, and i'm sure
: you're no exception.  they'll turn up sometime.

This is a thread that turns up from time to time in soc.singles and alt.romance.
The general consensus of opinion is that if you seek, you'll never find, but
when you stop seeking, that's when it comes to you.  Sort of like chasing
butterflies.

I know there's a Zen koan in there somewhere, but I think I had too much
champagne for New Year's and danced naked with a lampshade on my head too many
times to figure it out today.  :)
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler
From: anon.120@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Happy New Year
Date: 1 Jan 1993 05:34:10 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.120@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


Happy and healthy New Year to everyone on ASAR!

I told my counselor about usenet and about ASAR when I saw her last night.

She says she's glad I've found you guys and I'm glad too.
		--Aardvark


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From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: School Rage--spoiler was Re: academic work
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 19:12:08 GMT

John Holt is my favorite writer about learning....if you haven't checked
out his later books, I recommend them highly. By the way, I don't know
which edition of _Why Children Fail_ you read, but he did an expanded
version of it (and _Why Children Learn_) including his later thoughts
about the material in it.

_Teach Your Own_, _Instead of Education_, and _Never Too Late_ are
especially good.

Nancy Lebovitz
nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: sallyb@qiclab.scn.rain.com (Sally Bowley)
Subject: Re: Holidays: Solstice & Xmas
Organization: SCN Research/Qic Laboratories of Tigard, Oregon.
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 08:02:40 GMT

In article <1992Dec21.075149.3976@qiclab.scn.rain.com> sallyb@qiclab.scn.rain.com (Sally Bowley) writes:
>In article <1519600006@igc.apc.org> Jean Riseman <agape@igc.apc.org> writes:
>>
>>Holidays....IHi folks:
>

ugh, this editor is awful - or maybe it's just too late at night....
;-) anyway, a few corrections;;

>posted, but i've still b. 
>


>time was portrayed to you - obviously very dtly than to me. and i'm
					     ^^
should be "differently"
sally

>
From: anon-1317@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: TIRED
Date: 29 Dec 92 17:58:57 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


 here i go again - apologizing
 to someone because i have trouble
 coping-- apoligizing for living-
 i informed a friend about the child
 abuse in this country- about my own
 and about the other kinds-- i think
 he was shocked-- so i apoligized to
 him--  what for?

 why is it i STILL feel like I have
 done something wrong-- why is it 
 most of us survivors take all the blame--
 and when will society really see the 
 difference-- when will people start seeing
 us as surviors and not victims or the ones
 to blame-- 

 when will people start saying-- "something
 must be done- we have a problem here"-- when
 pigs fly?

 i just had to blow off steam-- no flames, please-
 i'm not strong enough for that yet

 thanks



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: chip@tct.com (Chip Salzenberg)
Subject: Re: Me
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1993 16:29:17 GMT
Organization: TC Telemanagement, Clearwater, FL

According to rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski):
> i.e., since rape didn't exist in me, it could not exist anywhere...

So if I get to the point where you don't make sense to me, then _you_
could not exist in my presence?  You wouldn't exist anywhere?

That idea can only make sense if you're in your own universe without
me... but I don't think you are, or how could I read your messages?
-- 
Chip Salzenberg at Teltronics/TCT  <chip@tct.com>, <73717.366@compuserve.com>
  "you make me want to break the laws of time and space / you make me
   want to eat pork / you make me want to staple bagels to my face /
   and remove them with a pitchfork" -- Weird Al Yankovic, "You Make Me"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1534@twwells.com (Suzanna)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Recurring nightmares
Date: 3 Jan 93 23:45:15 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

ANON-Announce: yes
ANON-Name: Suzanna

Is it allowable for me to post here? I'm sorry, I don't want to do
anything wrong. I just have a question. I hope it isn't stupid or
frequently asked. How can I stop myself having recurring nightmares?
Normally I can change my dreams as I dream them, but with these I
can't seem to. Is there anything I can do, without going outside, to
change this? I read the FAQ, but I don't wake up until after the dream
is finished, and then it's too late.

One more thing, please. I do not want to intrude. What do people do in
their lives? Recently I have been asked to attend some social
functions, and I did go to one, and people there talked about all the
things they did. Is it wrong that I just go to work, go to university
and stay at home and read or just think? This is what I've always
done, but people don't think I should.

Sorry for any spelling or grammatical errors.

Suzanna



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From: anon-1259@twwells.com (Kate)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: more on cutting, a suggestion
Date: 30 Dec 92 20:16:00 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

God, don't you hate suggestions about how to get better??
As much as i want to get better, when someone makes a suggestion and I'm
not in the right place to hear it, i get pissed off and resent it and
all that.  
My mom used to do that whenever I felt bad growing up.  "let's see how
we can make you feel better" she'd say.  Maybe I just needed to feel
bad for a while and have my pain acknowledged!!!!!!
Damn. 
Anyway, i digress.
The first time i was in the hospital, my therapist suggested an alternative
to cutting.  You take a red magic marker and just write, scribble all over
yourself wherever you normally cut (for me my arms and legs).  So it's not the
real thing i know.  You can make it hurt a little without breaking the skin
and the red effect (seeing blood for some reason was very important to me)
is quite helpful.  I'm not into cutting right now, haven't been for a while.
Otherwise I couldn't make this suggestion.  But o well, if anyone finds this
useful, i will be quite happy to know.  

So I wanna know, what do i do now about all the scars on my arms and legs
that everyone asks about.  Sheesh.  And i have marks on my wrists too that
look like i tried to kill myself, but really they are just cutting.  I never
tried suicide by slitting my wrists,still it looks that way.

I just hate the marks.  And they dont' really look like anything natural
caused them, except maybe a really persistent cat.  HA!
yeah right.
oh well.
And now, along the lines of ReachingOut (*hug*).  I'd like to put a quote.
One that helps me too.  And, surprise it is also by Happy Rhodes!!!

"Warpaint"

Don't try to tell me there's no reason fo
any moment in time, every memory of mine.
Those years are lines of color on my face,
the past is warpaint.  
And I fight to the death.

Kate (and I think someone else may have written a few lines too)   



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: an3243@anon.penet.fi (ben reitman)
Subject: Need some help on this, please.
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1993 09:15:35 GMT

i just recently discovered this net, and read the message "need help helping a
friend."  once again, these memories come back...i want to say, first of all,
that i am also someone who did the abusing, a long time ago.  so if you don't
care to hear about it, hit n now.  also, if you just feel that this is not the
place for perpetrators but for survivors, go ahead and let me know that too,
and i won't post again.
 
when i was a senior in high school, some ten years ago, i slept with a woman
who clearly hadn't wanted to, and was too drunk to really do anything about it.
to be honest, i was so drunk that i don't even know if we actually had
intercourse.  all i know is that she was incoherent, occassionally telling me
she didn't want to go all the way, and i was on top of her anyway.  i was
seventeen, a virgin, drunk, and stupid.  i have regretted this incident, cried
over this incident, ever since.  you see the next day she tried to kill herself
with sleeping pills. i really didn't even know her - she was just a girl
from school to me, who was kind of fucked up.  she dropped out of school soon
after.  i bumped into her once shortly thereafter, and we both acted like
nothing had happened.  to be honest i'm not even sure she had known
it was me, we were both so drunk.
 
so now it is ten years later and you are the first people i have told about
this besides my girlfriend. ever since college, when i learned about date
rape and women's rights and abuse and feminism, i have wondered whether i
should do something.  call her, write her a letter, look her up when i am home
some time.  i usually think i should just let her alone -- that anything i did
would be more for me than for her -- that it might even hurt her more than
help.  this seemed like a safe place to get some advice on that. i am not
writing this for your sympathy, and i especially hope i haven't hurt anyone
by writing this.
 
please respond on the net, if you like.
 
thanks for listening.  and happy new year
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay.uucp (Crystal Bell)
Subject: ***** SPOILERS!!!!!!!*****
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Fri, 25 Dec 1992 00:02:34 GMT


 I figured that I would make the title "spoilers" because that's essentially 
what this is...
 so you've had your warning, I fyou don't want to read  stop now...

I WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!! Nothing in my life EVER goes right!!!
I am being called a two bit slut by someone who I thought was a friend because
I am TERRIFIED of being alone at night this time of year... I've been know to
try and kill myself in my sleep... I'm almost tempted to book myself into the 
hospital so I'm not alone... I had a freind of mine come and spend the night 
at my house because I *AM* afraid to die... and If I'm asleep I can't stop it!!!

I may have lost the Man I love because I wasn't sure what I wanted... I know 
now.. No-one could love me  like he does.. no-one ever will....

I'm crying.. I have been for an hour.. I HATE my life.. and I hate Christmas 
even more... I've had so much pain in my life I'm not sure if I can handle 
amy more...

HELP ME!!!!!!! I NEED A FRIEND!!!!!! BADLY!!!!!!!!!

**Crystal**


-- 
############################################################################**
Crystal Bell                     * If you don't like my opinions that's
E-mail Cryst%belay@uunet.uu.net  * your problem. Please keep ALL flames
                                 * to private E-mail. thanx
From: warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Hi again...
Date: 28 Dec 92 19:59:05 GMT
Organization: Supercomputer Systems Division (SSD), Intel


Hello, I'm back from a short vacation.  I missed asar and thought about
you all while I was gone.  Things went well this week, only one day of 
serious depression which I "cured" by taking a walk in the forest and writing
a list of things I was thankful for (a gratitude list).  Many hugs to those
who want them, I'm glad to be connected again.

Peace,
Peter
-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peter Warton (The h was dropped     | Against my better judgement (not to
over 800 years ago)		    | mention the advice of my friends) I
warton@ssd.intel.com		    | speak for myself.
From: anon-1526@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: How To Cover Scars From Cutting
Date: 3 Jan 93 02:11:54 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

This is my first message from this account.  I don't know if it really
works or not, but I thought I should at least try and contribute to the
conversation if I were going to try it out.
 
Someone asked earlier (sorry, I've forgotten the name) how to cover
scars from cutting.
 
Well, a while back I saw a tv show (I think it was Oprah, or something
equally embarrassing) where they talked about trauma cosmetics.  They
showed a number of people, from burn victims to accident victims who
had varying degrees of scarring, some quite severe.
 
There is a line of cosmetics (I forget what they are called!) that will
cover up the scarring.  It takes a couple hours to learn how to apply
the cosmetics, but after that you're up and running.  They are
waterproof and sweatproof, and will last a few days (although they
should be removed nightly).
 
I think that if you were to call the state licensing board (I think
cosmetologists have to be licensed most everywhere), they could give you
the name of someone who specializes in it.  Or better you, if you called
the burn ward at the local hospital, they could probably tell you.
 
Another thing that I have found to be helpful is exposure to the sun.  I
have scars on the backs of my hands that look like crucifixion wounds.
They are still visible, but no where near as visible as they used to be.
I'm talking about just normal exposure, nothing spectacular.
 
Also, keeping the skin well creamed (with hand lotion) will help keep
the skin flexible.  Most scar tissue is usually quite rigid.

Someone else mentioned just letting the scars be seen by all.
Unfortunately, not all of us are ready for that level of exposure... 

I hope someone benefits from something I've said...
 
Pax,
  gemma




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From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Happy New Year
Date: 2 Jan 1993 04:09:17 GMT
Organization: University of Washington
NNTP-Posting-Host: stein.u.washington.edu

anon.120@pax.tpa.com.au writes:

>Happy and healthy New Year to everyone on ASAR!

>I told my counselor about usenet and about ASAR when I saw her last night.

>She says she's glad I've found you guys and I'm glad too.
>		--Aardvark

me three, aardvark!  i've been reading your posts today, since you showed up
here after i left for xmas vacation.  you seem like a good person to me, and
one whom i'm glad to count as an ally in healing.  so i just wanted to echo
your happy new year's thoughts to everyone, and say "welcome to asar" all
official-like and everything.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: anon.33@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: in which poohbear returns to friends
Date: 4 Jan 1993 10:09:41 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.33@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au





just read all
i have that 800 number of the cosmetic people who
have special makeup to cover up scars
will post it later
an so oh yes and that is a good story, poohbear is seeing
a 53 year old and she is 20  anyway he gave me the number cause
he watches oprah a lot.  not because he wants me to get rid
of them but because he knows i hate them

but then again i make more, so what to do?

asar poohbear missed you so much
seems so silly
but ive decided i dont care if i care too much for all of you

i overdosed the week before xmas, not enough pills though
and so just got very drugged  i took all i had and it wasnt enough
i had been saving them for so long.
had to go to the er just before that b/c i was throwing up blood,
that bulimia is gonna kill me if i dont beat it first.
that got me pretty stressed and then i od-ed.

went home for 4.5 days.  sucked,  but am back now, a few more cuts but alive

i am so tired of the fight
so so tired
just want to melt away
shells fall off and masks fall off
and just poohbear left
and have it be ok


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: an3806@anon.penet.fi
Subject: test; this is nothing
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 19:23:53 GMT

nothing
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