From: pjd@hpespjd.fc.hp.com (Paul Dorweiler)
Subject: Spaaaace Cadets!  episode #9
Summary:  Like Ender's last ep, this is a longie.
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 01:56:31 GMT
Organization: Hewlett-Packard Company, Fort Collins, CO
Keywords: WOAH!  How come this never happens to me in real life?


Spaaaaaaaaaace Cadets, episode #9:  "A Stitch in Ender's Genes"

{Still here, I see?  I think after the temporal complexity introduced
 recently, I'd better sum up a few things for you.  Ender had been a bit
 shaken by the thought of 200 copies of himself, without knowing that each
 had personality variations introduced by the cloning process, and so sought
 escape for an evening in his latest game, Neurotic Interludes Not Totally
 Engrossing Nevertheless Drunkenly Obvious, or NINTENDO.

 Meanwhile, Dohram had reasoned that since the Ender clones existed, and he
 had no intention of killing any of them, there might be a way to get them to
 help Ender and himself answer a few questions.  He just needed an efficient
 way to get all the Ender clones together in one place.  So, after retreating
 into his lab and defeating the defense systems of the AI net controlling
 most of Nymph, he stopped the clone factory from making any more copies of
 Ender, and used the cybernetic police system of Nymph (which basically
 hadn't had much to do for many, many years...) round up all of the Ender
 clones in one place.  He didn't anticipate how eagerly the policecybers
 would go to their task, not having had anything to do for decades, and so
 expected it would take a few days, rather than the half hour it actually
 took the policecybers.

 Then, working all night, Dohram attempted to dig into the central data
 information network of Nymph to find out just who founded this planet and set
 up the cloning system.  Recall that no human female on Nymph was believed 
 able to bear children due to a strange combination of chemicals present on
 Nymph and the strange cosmic radiation that bombards the planet.  What was
 never really determined previously, however, was that there was nothing wrong
 with the women, just that human sperm kinda got lost when exposed to all this
 strangeness.  So, not knowing the "real" problem, the original inhabitants of
 Nymph set about cloning the strange collection of 20-century movie stars who
 just happened to be trapped on a pioneer spaceship that one of the "original"
 Enders stole, along with some fellow humans who wanted off the social cesspool
 known as Earth.  In this strange grouping of humans happened to be the
 supermodel with whom "that" Ender was quite taken with.  Somewhat to his
 surprise, once she'd accepted the fact that she wasn't getting back to Earth
 in her lifetime, she became quite enamored with this Ender.  Thus, the
 original Kathy Ireland helped Ender found Nymph, a place where movie stars
 and supermodels could live without fear of obsessive fans.

 Of course, before Dohram had a chance to go talk to all of the Ender clones,
 the "current" Ender, still recovering from a drinking bash of Bushmill's Black
 Irish Whiskey, interrupted him the following morning and began formulating a
 plan entirely different, and much less logical than Dohram's.  This, of
 course, frustrated Dohram for about the seven thousandth time, since Ender
 never did seem to go along with his very logically laid-out plans.  Ender had a
 similar goal to Dohram's in mind, he just proceeded with it in a different
 fashion.  The problem was getting all of the Enders out of NICEASS -- see, the
 policecybers were soo psyched after arresting two hundred people that they
 wouldn't take new orders from Dohram through the Nymph AI net to release the
 Ender clones.

 So I, naturally, being the greatest and cleverest artificial intelligence
 power in all of the known universes and continuums, possessing such great
 capabilities as to be able to solve all problems, given enough time, came
 to such a startlingly simple and effective solution of getting all the Ender
 clones out of NICEASS and finding out who founded Nymph.  [Gee, can you tell
 Dohram and Ender are both asleep right now while I'm telling you this???]

 The solution was quite simple, actually.  Now, I didn't totally get this one
 on my own.  I'd been working at a very low priority on solving some paradox
 issues that Dohram had been investigating for quite some time.  See, he'd had
 an idea for how to create a time machine by means of a modification of the
 yttrium-powered spacedrive he'd created back when the GGPlat was put together.
 But, he has always been such a worrywart that he refused to build this time
 machine until he fully understood all the implications of time travel.  Worse
 still, he had a strong suspicion that he wasn't the first Dohram, for he'd
 run into other references carefully hidden in earlier artificial intelligence
 units, dating back to when Earth was still the computer center of the human
 universe, of not one, but four distinct Dohrams, all carefully trying to hide
 tracks of their existence from each other.  So, he was worried that by
 building a time machine, he would be creating infinite loops of Dohrams.
 Since his own life to that point had been [in his opinion] rather tortuous and
 devoid of real love, he couldn't stand the thought of perpetuating what he
 felt was his own horrible life-fate, and refused to build the time machine.

 Being without Dohram's pacifist regard for time travel, I replicated the time
 machine [with a few enhancements of my own, that is] and sent it to NICEASS
 with very distinct instructions to the Ender clones.  After they went
 traveling through the centuries discovering the real history of this and
 several parallel timelines, by virtue of the paradoxes introduced by their
 deliberate time travel, they discovered that an "original" Ender had founded
 Nymph, and began to close their timeloops by agreeing to converge in the
 future at one point, a hidden solar system Ender had completely renovated for
 his own use, and with more than enough room for the 1,458 distinct Ender
 "clones".  Each clone was a legitimate and distinct human being of his own
 right, however.  Granted, they all shared an incredible number of common
 interests, but a few actually didn't like the Kathy Ireland type, preferring
 other, yet strangely similar, types of human females.

 After all of these 200 Ender clones reported in on the GGPlat [and let me
 assure you it was quite crowded on the Platypus, since it's really only
 designed to hold ten people very comfortably], they all left for their
 respective timelines, agreeing to meet at some point in the future with their
 miniature time machines [so small now that they fit in a cylindrical tube].}

"MROC!  What the heck have you been telling these people when we were asleep!
 You KNOW you're supposed to let us tell the story!"

{So you see that they are awake again.  Kathy and Andrea squeezed their way 
 into the GGPlat after the Ender clones had arrived.  Kathy had a tough time
 getting through the Ender clones without a significant number of marriage
 propositions, but she had marked "her" Ender with a special symbol, known
 only to her, so that she would recognize the original offworlder.  Little
 known to Dohram, Andrea had also marked him with her own symbol.  In a clone
 society these symbols became a necessity and were highly revered.  Anyway, I
 helped Kathy and Andrea find Dohram's lab, and now that the Ender clones
 have left, we find Dohram, Ender [these "original" ones, that is], Kathy and
 Andrea being able to breathe again....}

===============================================================================

#MROC, workwall off!

{I turned off the workwall, replacing it with a few Mukai works, but left a
 small holowindow going with a synthoholo of Dohram taking Andrea to bed.  This
 idiot never knew how to take charge of a relationship, anyway!  I mean, he
 built me and all, and can do just about anything with an AI, but with women,
 ... he's hopeless.}

D: "Man, I HATE time paradoxes.  They give me a headache."

E: "TELL me about it.  I'm still trying to figure out exactly which Ender
    _I_ am."

[Kathy snuggles next to Ender.]

K: "How about .. mine?"

{Ender's heart imitates a poodle doing a backflip again.}

E: "Glah!"

{Dohram kicks Ender.}

E: "What the heck was that for?"

D: "That's about the twentieth time you've said that in the last two days.
    I'm getting kinda sick of it."

E: "Stupid, idiotic first officers...."

K: "Is there anything to eat around here?  I'm kinda hungry."

E: "Sure.  The galley is this way...."

[Ender leads Kathy out of Dohram's lab.]

A: "You look very tired, Dohram."

D: "Yeah, I was up all last night trying to solve this whole mess."

A: *loving look*  "We need to get you to bed."

{The combination of Andrea's deep, seductive voice, beautiful face, and full
 lips were just too much for Dohram.  One of his telepathic implants fizzled
 a bit as his heart completely melted into a million little puddles.}

D: "Uh .. I .. uh .."

A: "You know, someday I've gotta cure you of this shyness.  Which way is your
    sleeproom?"

D: "It's .. uh .."

MROC: "Andrea -- follow the orange hall lights.  I'll lead you there.  He's
       gonna be hopeless right now."

{Andrea and Dohram leave his lab.  Andrea puts her arm around his.}

#MROC, replicate a red Earth rose and put it on a pillow in my room.  Please?

#Are you just playing dumb with her?

#Nah, I can think, but I become a blathering fool around someone as gorgeous
 as Andrea.  And that voice....  I still can't believe she'd be interested
 in me.

#Boss?

#Yes, MROC?

#She's interested.  Just trust me on this one.

{So Andrea led Dohram to his sleeproom.  On the way they passed by the galley
 and sounds of laughter, tickling, and a small food fight can be heard.  Upon
 reaching Dohram's sleeproom, Dohram somehow manages to semi-gracefully hand
 Andrea the rose, and she embraces him in a long, passionate kiss.  What
 follows is .. well .. you know.  Suffice it to say Dohram didn't get to
 sleep right away.

 So, while the boss is busy, I think I'll go play with Zoot for awhile.....}

===============================================================================

Is all well and dandy with our spaceheros?  Or can any of these various
original Dohrams or Enders show up and ruin things?  Will MROC get to take the
GGPlat to other fun and exciting destinations?  Make certain you're here
in ten centons for:

SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEE  CCCCCAAAADDDEEEETTTSSSS!!!!

 
Dohram
Official Hobbes of the RFA, Dennis Mukai gallery owner
  (and eternal bachelor...)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Dorweiler  (Dohram) | Hobbes: "I don't know.  What did it sound like?"
pjd@hpespjd.fc.hp.com    | Calvin: "Sort of like breathing and drooling and
Hewlett-Packard Company  |          ripping the meat off human bones!"    
Fort Collins, CO         | Both:   "YAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"         
Newsgroups: alt.romance.chat