From: sberryli@cc.curtin.edu.au
Subject: Re: The Red Dwarf Quotes File
Followup-To: alt.tv.red-dwarf
Organization: Curtin University of Technology
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 12:31:52 GMT

In article <1992Aug25.151504.3578@julian.uwo.ca>, jamie@gaul.csd.uwo.ca (Jamie Blustein) writes:
> In article <1992Aug21.011437.21902@julian.uwo.ca> I wrote:
>>    I've converted the file into fortune format and corrected most of
>>the errors mentioned by Ron O'Dell <hermit@ucscb.UCSC.EDU,
>>keeper@deeptht.armory.com>.  I removed a few entries that weren't
>>quotations.  The format of the file is much more regular than the
>>previous one, so it should be easy to convert it to another format.
>> 
>>    If anyone wants a copy of the file or the sed script I used to do
>>the conversion (except formatting to 72 columns), they can have it by
>>sending me mail.  Only if there is great demand will I post it.
> 
>     The demand has been enough that I've decided to post it.  I figure
> it'll save bandwidth and my time.  If you can wait, I've been told
> that a new list will be coming out in about two weeks -- hopefully it
> will be fortune format.
> 
>     Here's the quote file in fortune format.  It differs from the
> original posting in that:
>         - it contains 86 entries (the original had 94) 
>         - it is formatted to 72 columns 
>         - attributions are in fortune format
>         - many suggested changes have been made, but not all
>         - quotes have been removed where they were inappropriate
>         - some comments have been removed.
> 
> James Blustein                                        `Did you say "knives"?'
> <jamie@uwo.ca>                                        `*Rotating* knives, yes.'
> 
> ---8<---
> Lister: You see I try sir.  I'm not an insubordinate man by nature.  I
> 	try and respect Rimmer, but it's not easy because he's such a 
> 	smeghead.  
> Rimmer: Did you hear that sir?  Lister, do you have any conception of
> 	the penalty for describing a superior technician as a
> 	smeghead?
> Todhunter: Oh Rimmer, you are a smeghead.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `The End'
> %%
> You didn't have the right parents, whose parents did you have?
> 		-- Lister to Rimmer in Red Dwarf `The End'
> %%
> Petersen: Have you seen Rimmer's arm?
> Chen:     No, I'm waiting for it to come out in paperback!
> 		-- Red Dwarf `The End'
> %%
> Lister: Come on, what are you, a man or a munchkin?
> Rimmer: I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Parallel Universe'
> %%
> That's rich coming from Miss Yo-yo knickers.
> 		-- Lister to his female counterpart in Red Dwarf
> 		   `Parallel Universe'
> %%
> I had this Geography teacher Miss Foster, she took us on a school
> summer camp trip to the Ganwee.  I had the tent next to her, right.
> And in the middle of the night I was woken up by this really weird
> noise.  She didn't think men were better than machines.
> 		-- Lister in Red Dwarf `Queeg'
> %%
> Cat:    Look at my hands, I had lovely hands.
> Lister: Well wear the smegging gloves.
> Cat:    (picking up gloves) Marigold with blue?  Are you crazy?
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Queeg'
> %%
> Lister: Look at what he's given me for dinner, a pea on toast.  One
> 	pea.  I tell you I'm that far from cracking.  (goes to cut the
> 	pea, it rolls away) I've lost my pea, oh that's it I've
> 	cracked.
> Rimmer: He's just doing this to destroy your morale.
> Lister: Is he.  Well.  I want my pea back, it's my pea, I earned that
> 	pea.  Where is it?  I don't care if it's on the floor covered
> 	in fluff, if it's under the bed with my toenail clippings, I
> 	don't care where it is, it's my pea, I earned it, I'm going to
> 	eat it, no matter what!  
> Rimmer: It flew off into your dirty sock basket.  
> Lister: I'll just have the toast.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Queeg' 
> %% 
> During the chess game in `Queeg':
> Cat: If it's any help, I've been studying his tactics and there's a
> 	pattern emerging.  Every time you make a move, he makes one
> 	too (winks to Holly).
> Holly:  (winks back) Thanks Cat.
> 		-- Red Dwarf 
> %%
> Holly: We are talking April, May, June, July and August fool.  Yes,
> 	that's right, I am Queeg.  
> Rimmer, Lister, Cat: WHAT?!!
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Queeg'
> %%
> Rimmer: Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit.
> 	I'm ALIVE!!!!! (just before he explodes)
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Timeslides'
> %%
> This is mine; that's mine,[etc.]; I'm claiming all this as mine ...
> except that bit.  I don't want that bit.  But all the rest of this is
> mine!  Hey, this has been a good day!  I've eaten five times, I've
> slept six times, and I made a lot of things mine!  Tomorrow I'm going
> to see if I can have sex with something!
> 		-- Cat in Red Dwarf `Confidence and Paranoia'
> %%
> Kryten: She looks like your cousin?  What happened, was she in some 
> 	kind of horrible accident?
> Rimmer: What, Janine?  No, she was a model!
> Kryten: What did she model, spark plugs?
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Camille'
> %%
> You'll like them... Well some of them... Well one of them... Maybe....
> 		-- Kryten to Camille in Red Dwarf `Camille'
> %%
> Smmeeeeeeggggggg heeeeaaaaaadddddd
> 		-- Kryten in Red Dwarf 
> %% 
> He's got 'droid rot.  He's waving a banana in front of my face and
> calling it an aardvark
> 		-- Rimmer in Red Dwarf `Camille'
> %%
> Smoke me a kipper, skipper; I'll be back for breakfast.
> 		-- Ace Rimmer in Red Dwarf `Dimension Jump'
> %%
> Dehydration - 34%, Recollection of previous evening - 2%, embarrassment
> factor - 91%.  Advise repair schedule:- off line for 36 hours, re-boot
> startup disk, and replace head - wow, what a night! 
> 		-- Kryten in Red Dwarf `Dimension Jump'
> %%
> Lister: We're on a mining ship, 3 million years into deep space.  Can
> 	someone explain to me where the smeg I got this traffic cone?
> Cat: Hey it's not a good night unless you get a traffic cone!  It's
> 	the policewoman's helmet and the suspenders taht I don't
> 	understand!
> 		-- Red Dwarf `The Last Day'
> %%
> Rimmer: You? How did you get into art college?
> Lister: The same way you always get into art college.  The same old
> 	usual boring normal way everyone gets into art college.  I
> 	failed my exams and applied...they snapped me up!
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Thanks for the Memory'
> %%
> A superlative suggestion sir, with just two minor flaws: one, we don't 
> have any defensive shields and two, we don't have any defensive shields.  
> I know that, technically, that's only one flaw, but it was such a big 
> one I thought I'd mention it twice.  
> 		-- Kryten (in response to the Cat's suggestion that
> 		   they drop the defensive shields) in Red Dwarf 
> 		   `Holoship'
> %%
> Holly: Better to have loved and lost than to listen to an album
> 	by Olivia Newton John.
> Lister: Why?
> Holly:  Well, anything's better than listening to an album by Olivia 
> 	Newton-John.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Stasis Leak' 
> %%
> Holly - explaining the milk shortage aboard the Dwarf
> Holly: Nothing wrong with Dog's milk: full of goodness; full of
> 	vitamins; full of marrow-bone jelly! Lasts longer than any
> 	other type of milk, dog's  milk.
> Lister: Why's that?
> Holly:  No bugger will drink it!
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Stasis Leak' 
> %%
> Lister: Shouldn't this cable go somewhere?
> Holly:  Yes, connect it to the blue cable.
> [F/X Lister is electrocuted]
> Holly: Or was that the yellow cable?  Yes, I think it should be the
> 	yellow cable.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Stasis Leak' 
> %%
> Your sausages, Dave, now cover 98% of the Earth's surface.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Me^2'
> %%
> Rimmer: The lamb was a bit of a flop though.
> Lister: Everybody thought the lamb was the cheese, and the lemon
> 	meringue pie, man, what was that?
> Rimmer: I thought you liked that -- you brought some back.
> Lister: Yeah, I wanted to try some on my athlete's foot!
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Better Than Life'
> %%
> Some might say I'm a pretty shallow guy, but a shallow guy with a
> 	great ass!
> 		-- Cat in Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> You're as much use as a condom machine at the Vatican.
> 		-- Rimmer to Holly in Red Dwarf `Queeg'
> %%
> Lister, if two people came to you for a job, and one of them's dead,
> which one would you choose?
> 		-- Rimmer in Red Dwarf `Queeg'
> %%
> The way the light catches the angles of your head...most enchanting.
> 		-- Kryten to Camille in Red Dwarf `Camille'
> %%
> I'm not pished!
> 		-- Lister in Red Dwarf `White Hole'
> %%
> Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish.
> 		-- Cat in Red Dwarf `White Hole'
> %%
> My god!  But I was only away two minutes!
> 		-- Kryten, on being told that the Nova 5 crew
> 		   was dead in Red Dwarf `Kryten'
> %%
> Of course...lager...the only thing that can kill a vindaloo.
> 		-- Lister, fighting the vindaloo monster 
> 		   in Red Dwarf `DNA'
> %%
> Isn't it about this time your head goes back to the lab for re-tuning?
> 		-- Rimmer to Kryten in Red Dwarf `The Last Day'
> %%
> No vacuum cleaner should give a human being a double polaroid.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `The Last Day'
> %%
> Holly: Well she [Kochanski] won't be of much use to you on Fiji now --
> not unless it snows and you need something to grit the path with.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `The End'
> %%
> If you're interested, I'll be in my quarters, covered in maple syrup.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Dimension Jump'
> %%
> Convict: You have no weapons?
> Lister:  No.  Do you?
> Convict: No.
> (they advance on the gangway)
> Convict: (pulling out a knife) Guess what, I lied.
> Lister:  So did I. (Smiles as he whips out a steel pipe)
> Convict: (pulls out a gun) But I lied twice. (A short bayonet slides out
> 	the end  of the gun)
> Lister:  (getting worried) I didn't think of that.
> [A great scene... Especially when the Cat 'finishes' him off with the
> shovel.]
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Dimension Jump'
> %%
> Ahead groove factor 5! Yeah! 
> 		-- Holly in Red Dwarf `Thanks for the Memory'
> %%
> You forgot Rimmer's Rule:  Never fight anything with more teeth than 
> the entire Osmond family
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Polymorph'
> %%
> This isn't a meal -- this is an autopsy! 
> 		-- Cat in Red Dwarf `Polymorph'
> %%
> It will be happened; it shall be going to be happening; it will be was
> an event that could will have been taken place in the future.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Future Echoes'
> %%
> Lister: Love is what separates us from the animals
> Rimmer: No, Lister -- what separates us from animals is that we don't
> 	use our tongues to clean our genitals.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Confidence & Paranoia'
> %%
> Rimmer's Father:   I just wanted to say...
> Rimmer:            Yes?
> Rimmer's Father:   I just wanted to say...you're a total smeghead!
> Rimmer:            What?! That isn't my fantasy!
> Cat:               No, it's mine.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Better than life'
> %%
> Rimmer, real dumplings, proper dumplings, when they're properly cooked
> to perfection, proper dumplings do not bounce!
> 		-- Lister in Red Dwarf `Thanks for the Memory'
> %%
> Cat:            What is it?
> Rimmer:         It's a rent in the space time continuum.
> Cat:            What is it?
> Lister:         The stasis room freezes time, you know, makes time stand 
> 		still.  So whenever you have a leak, it must preserve
> 		whatever it's leaked into, and it's leaked into this room.
> Cat:            What is it?
> Rimmer:         It's a singularity, a point in the universe where the normal 
> 		laws of space and time don't apply.
> Cat:            What is it?
> Lister:         It's a hole back into the past.
> Cat:            Oh, a magic door! Why didn't you say so?
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Stasis Leak'
> %%
> `Mr. Arnold' isn't even his name.  His name's `Rimmer'; or `Smeghead'; 
> or `Dinosaur Breath'; or `Molecule Mind'.  And if you want to be really
> mega-polite to him, Kryten -- we're talking mega-mega-polite -- in those
> rare and exceptional circumstances, you can call him "Arsehole".
> 		-- Lister in Red Dwarf `Kryten'
> %%
> Confidence: I killed him, cha cha cha.
> Lister:     What do you mean you killed him cha cha cha?
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Confidence and Paranoia'
> %%
> I'm going to eat you little fishie; I'm going to eat you little
> fishie; I'm going to eat you little fishie; 'cos I like eating fish!'
> 		-- Cat in Red Dwarf `Better than life'
> %%
> His head burst! 
> 		-- Cat in Red Dwarf `Justice'
> %%
> Kryten: The question is, how do we turn him back?
> Rimmer: No, the question is, do we want to?' 
> (shortly after Lister has been turned into a chicken.)
> 		-- Red Dwarf `DNA'
> %%
> Oxygen's for losers!
> 		-- Confidence in Red Dwarf `Confidence and
> 		   Paranoia'
> %%
> Given that God is infinite, and given that the Universe is infinite...
> would you like a toasted tea cake?
> 		-- Talkie Toaster in Red Dwarf `White Hole'
> %%
> Rimmer: You're totally egocentric, you flee at the first sign of
> 	trouble, you always look out for Number One, you're vain,
> 	you're narcissistic and you're self-obsessed.
> Cat:    Hey, you just listed all my best features!
> 		-- Red Dwarf `White Hole'
> %%
> Rimmer: I thought it was the worst pile of blueberry schoolgirl mush I
> 	have ever been forced to endure.  I consider it an insult to
> 	my backside to have to sit growing carbuncles through such
> 	putrid adolescent slush.
> Kryten: You didn't find it uplifting?
> [....]
> Cat: Personally, I thought it started well, then fell apart.  All that
> 	stuff about the ducks getting into trouble was great, but then
> 	it went black-and-white and I fell asleep.
> Kryten: But, sir, that was the cartoon before the main programme!
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> Well its true - a simple carpenters son who learns magic tricks like
> that and _doesn't_ go into show business?
>         - Rimmer commenting on 'King of Kings' - The Story of Jesus
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> Kryten: They've taken Mr Rimmer! Sir, they've taken Mr Rimmer!
> Cat:    Quick!  Let's get out of here before they bring him back.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> Nirvana: What do you do when you want to have sex?
> Rimmer: We...go for runs? Watch gardening video's on the ship's vid?
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> Nirvana: It was...different
> Rimmer:  Different?
> Nirvana: You make love like a Japanese meal - small portions but _so_
> 	many courses.
> [....]
> Nirvana: We usually talk.
> Rimmer:  What do you talk about?
> Nirvana: Oh, research, new theories, mission profiles...
> Rimmer: I'm sorry.  I must seem very ignorant.  I hardly said anything,
> 	apart from `Geronimo'.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> Rimmer, they're a bunch of arrogant, pompous, emotionally weird, stuck
> up megalomaniacs...do you really think you'll fit in with them?  What
> am I saying?  Bon Voyage.
> 		-- Lister in Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> Sir, I beg you to reconsider.  If not for your sanity, you haven't even
> considered the moral implications of your decision.  You will be joining
> a society where you will be compelled to have sex with beautiful woman
> twice daily, on demand.  Now, am I the only one here who finds that
> just a little bit tacky? Well, quite clearly, I am.
> 		-- Kryten in Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> You must remember that he is operating on a completely different level
> to us now.  To him, we are the mental equivalent of domestic science
> teachers.
> 		-- Kryten, describing Rimmer with mind implants
> 		   in Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> Woman: I'd just like to get one thing clear in my mind.  This is an
> 	opportunity to be revived as a hologram and become a part of
> 	the crew ... and the crew is you 3. Basically, you spend your
> 	time salvaging derelict spaceships, playing poker, and eating
> 	curries?
> Lister: We don't exactly do much salvaging.
> Woman:  But you do sound like you eat a lot of curries?
> Kryten: We don't exactly eat curries every night, if that's what you
> 	mean.  In fact, I distinctly remember a time last June, Mr
> 	Lister had a pizza.  Remember?  And you didn't like it, then I
> 	poured curry sauce all over it, and he just yummed it up!
> Woman:  And the all night poker sessions.  Is it always _strip_ poker?
> Lister: It all depends on how drunk we are.
> Cat:    Or how much curry he's had.
> Woman:  So, and this probably sounds like a stupid question, you don't
> 	have much interest in horse riding or ballet?
> Lister: Fine by us, just so long as we can have a curry afterwards,
> 	we're cool.  Well of course, there's one or two other people
> 	we have to see, but in theory, if offered the post of
> 	replacement hologram, would you accept?  
> Woman:  No.  No, I think I'm better where I am.  
> Cat:    But you're dead!  
> Woman:  And meeting you guys has really made me appreciate it a whole
> 	lot more.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> But, I just want to say, over the years, I have come to regard you
> as...people I met.
> 		-- Rimmer, making his goodbyes in Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> Oh and sir, you're wrong.  We won't be apart.  We just won't be together.
> I cannot believe I just said that. 
> 		-- Rimmer, talking about Nirvana in Red Dwarf `Holoship'
> %%
> Kryten: Ah, Virgil's Aeneid, oh the epic tale of Agamemnon's pursuit
> 	of Helen of Troy.  The classic work by the greatest Latin poet
> 	who ever put quill to parchment.
> Lister: Yeah, its the comic book version.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> Kryten: That is the Inquisitor.  He prunes away the wastrels, expunges
> 	the wretched, and deletes the worthless.
> Rimmer: We're in big trouble.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> Rimmer: Why did no one mention this before.  If I had been told about
> 	this at the start, that the whole object was to lead a
> 	worthwhile life, I could have done something about it.  All
> 	those charity telethons that I pledged to - if I had known, I
> 	would have given them _my_ credit card number.
> Kryten: Sir, sir, you don't have to be a great philanthropist, or a
> 	missionary worker, you simply have to seize the gift of life.
> Rimmer: Oh god.  
> Kryten: Make a contribution.  
> Rimmer: Oh God.
> Kryten: No matter how small.  
> Rimmer: Oh GOD.  
> Kryten: You simply, simply, have to have to have led a life that
> 	wasn't totally egocentric, self centered, and self serving.
> Rimmer: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> Inquisitor: Because, like all who stand before the Inquisitor, you're
> 	judge shall be ... yourself.
> Rimmer:     Oh SMEG.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> Some might say that I'm a pretty shallow guy, but shallow guy with a
> great ass. - Cat, justifying himself.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> Lister: If you've got some amazingly secret plan up your sleeves
> 	Kryten, now is the time to tell me about it.
> Kryten: No plan sir.  No sleeves.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> Lister: We used to be your shipmates.
> Rimmer: Only - we've forgotten you.
> Lister: Yeah.
> Rimmer: Well, I don't know about you -- but I'm convinced.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> You once spent an afternoon on the Samaritan switchboard and 4 people
> committed suicide!
> 		-- Lister, trying to persuade Rimmer that he knows him.
> 		   in Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> Excuse me, could I please just distract you for one brief second?
> 		-- Kryten, distracting the Inquisitor 
> 		   in Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> Nyaa.  It's the old back firing time gauntlet trick.
> 		-- Lister in Red Dwarf `Inquisitor'
> %%
> Kryten personal black box recording.  Time unknown.  Location unknown.
> Cause of accident unknown.  Should someone find this, perhaps it will
> shed light as to what happened here.  My short term memory has been
> erased.  This I ascribe to the proximity of the coils of Starbug's main
> engine.  Secondly, due to the proximity of the magnetic coils, my
> short-term memory appears to have been erased.  This, combined with the
> erasure of my short term memory, has left me a little disoriented.
> 		-- Kryten in Red Dwarf `Terrorform'
> %%
> Lister: Help.  Something is crawling up my leg.  I think it's a
> 	tarantula.
> Cat:    (You're playing that dumb adventure game!)
> Lister: It's in my boxers.  I think it's making a nest.
> Cat: (Try buying a potion from Gandalf the master wizard -- that's what
> 	I usually do.)
> Lister: I'm SERIOUS.
> Cat:    It has an eye the size of a meatball.
> Lister: Kill it.
> Cat:    How?
> Lister: I can't think straight.  I've got a tarantula with an eye the
> 	size of a meatball setting up home in my joy department.  Help 
> 	me.  
> Cat:	I'm scared. 
> Lister:	YOU'RE scared?  How d'you think I feel?
> Cat:	You haven't SEEN it!  
> Lister:	The lower half of my body has gone numb.  
> Cat:	That's probably for the best.  
> Lister: It's moving.  Oh *#%^**!!!!  
> Hand:	Hello. Kryten in danger.  No time to explain.  Follow.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Terrorform'
> %%
> Sir -- a couple of brief points.  Firstly, you're not a qualified
> service engineer, and consequently, sawing me in two will invalidate my
> guarantee.  Secondly, I wouldn't trust you to open a sardine can that
> was already open.
> 		-- Kryten in Red Dwarf `Terrorform'
> %%
> Lister: Is it me, or are those frogs saying useless?
> Frogs:  Useless, useless, Rimmer you're useless.
> Cat: Hey wow, you've got a giant blood sucking leech on your neck!
> 	And it's got a human face!
> Lister: It's Rimmer's mum!
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Terrorform'
> %%
> Cat:    Don't fish swim south for the winter?
> Kryten: That's birds sir.
> Cat:    Birds swim south for the winter?! How do they breathe?
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Back to Reality'
> %%
> Why would a haddock kill itself?  Why am I even asking that question?
> 	        - Lister, when they discover the suicides in 
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Back to Reality'
> %%
> Hang five, guys. I'm getting something. He committed suicide, he
> committed suicide, he committed suicide, the fish committed suicide.
> There is some kind of link here, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
> 		-- Cat in Red Dwarf `Back to Reality'
> %%
> Kryten: Some kind of sea creature, a life form we have never seen
> 	before attacked the ship. It has a very curious defence form.
> 	It secretes a venom, a poison, possibly even a hallucinogenic
> 	which disfunctions its prey by inducing despair. That's why
> 	the crew members, and even that fish, committed suicide.
> 	Unfortunately, we have become contaminated.  It's a greatly
> 	reduced dose but we may find that we do experience (bursts
> 	into tears) moments of despair and anguish.
> Rimmer: What about Lister and the Cat?
> Lister: I'm OK. I don't seem to be affected. It's true, I don't think
> 	anyone has ever truly loved me in my entire life.  
> Cat: What is it with you guys? This is like Saturday night at the
> 	Wailing Wall. Why is it always me that has to be the strong
> 	one? I mean you guys just fall apart (crying).
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Back to Reality'
> %%
> Kryten: Listen, whoever you are, don't push your luck by ordering
> 	whoever I am around because almost certainly whoever I am, I'm
> 	not going to take any crap from whoever you are. So before you
> 	start ordering me around lets establish whether I am the type
> 	of guy who doesn't mind being ordered around or whether I get
> 	all up tight by being ordered about by whatever type of guy
> 	you are. CLEAR! [....]
> Kryten: Jake Bullet, Cybernetic Detective.  I like the sound of that.
> 	That sounds like the kind of hard living flat foot who gets
> 	the job done by cutting corners and bucking authority, and if
> 	those pen pushers up at City Hall don't like it, well they can
> 	park their overpayed fat asses on this middle digit and
> 	swivel. Swivel until they squeal like pigs on a honeymoon.
> Rimmer: On the other hand `Mr Bullet', perhaps the Cybernetics
> 	division is in charge of traffic control and you just happen
> 	to have a rather silly macho name. [....]  
> Kryten: Bullet. Cybernetics.  
> Cop:	That's traffic control.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Back to Reality'
> %%
> Rimmer: Billy Doyle. Well that's a name that comes from the wrong side
> 	of the the tracks isn't it. You can see it all now. A youth
> 	spent in and out of corrective institutions, a string of
> 	illegitimate children. The wife will be all white shoes, no
> 	tights and blotchy legs. He has to take up petty crime to
> 	cover the court orders for the maintenance. Before he knows it
> 	he's standing in a bank with a sawn off shotgun. Somehow it
> 	goes off.  An old lady gets both barrels through a crocheted
> 	bobbly hat. All he can do is hide.  But where, and that it
> 	hits him.  With all his ill-gotten gains he can buy 4 years in
> 	a computer game and wait until the heat is off. And so it
> 	ends, the Ballard of Billy `Granny Killer' Doyle.
> Lister: (To Rimmer) It's yours.
> Rimmer: What?!
> Lister: It's yours -- Bill.
> Rimmer: No.
> Lister: Check the ugly mug on the ID then man.
> Rimmer: William Doyle. `William Doyle'. Good old Bill Doyle. That
> 	sounds like a hell of a good name to me. Probably connected to
> 	the Boston Doyles. Old money, blue chip stock. You know I
> 	think it's all starting to come back to me now.  
> Lister: What puzzles me slightly, is what a man of such undoubtedly
> 	good breeding is doing with a coat that smells like an elderly
> 	male Yak has taken a leak in both pockets.  
> Rimmer: Well isn't it obvious.  
> Kryten: No it isn't.  
> Rimmer: OH MY GOD. My name is Billy Doyle and my cologne is Eau de Yak
> 	Urine.
> 		-- Red Dwarf `Back to Reality'
> %%
> This is a nightmare. I'm on the run from the fascist police with a
> murderer, a mass murderer and a man in a bri-nylon shirt. A piece of
> flotsam, jetsam human wreckage sputum bag who smells like a Yak latrine.
> And now my best flashing mac' is about to be splattered with an androids
> brain. I'm after you with the gun.
> 		-- Rimmer in Red Dwarf `Back to Reality'
> -- 
> James Blustein                                        `Did you say "knives"?'
> <jamie@uwo.ca>                                        `*Rotating* knives, yes.'
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