From: chil@fraser.sfu.ca (Keith Lim)
Subject: Travelling Lawn Ornament on A Current Affair
Keywords: travelling,lawn,ornament,shenanigan
Organization: Simon Fraser University, Burnaby, B.C., Canada
Date: Sat, 26 Dec 1992 04:02:58 GMT

I was one-third-watching "A Current Affair", one-third-eating dinner, and
one-third wandering through the SFU computer system, checking out newsgroups,
my email, etc., when to my surprise, a story involving a travelling statue
came on the TV show.

Now, I don't normally watch "A Current Affair" at all (which is why I could
only be bothered to have it as one of three things I was doing simultaneously.)
My TV was only turned to it because it was about the only thing more-or-less
watchable on Christmas Day. (Star Trek: The Next Generation had been preempted
for some Christmassy show which I had no intention of watching.)

Well, I wasn't recording it or anything (I don't have a VCR anyway); the
best I could do was grab a pencil and paper and make notes.

The story is the old shenanigan involving the spiriting away of someone's
lawn ornament or other highly-visible item that they normally have out on
display, and then taking it for a trip, snapping photos of it in lots of
different places (with famous landmarks in the background, or with famous
people.) The item is returned, unharmed, at the end of all this, making
the whole thing just a bit of fun, a joke, rather than something more
serious (and hurtful) such as theft.

Ok, the story as told on the TV show. The item in question was a statue
(which looked to be about a meter in height) of St. Francis. The owner of
the statue was interviewed; apparently, she was very fond of the statue,
almost worshipped it, in fact.

One day, it disappeared. At this point, the show, in its usual melodramatic,
sensationalist way, made it out to be a real sob story: the lady was
completely devastated by what appeared at the time to be the theft of her
statue. Interview had her saying something along the lines of, "I don't
know what kind of evil persons would do such a thing."

Then a letter came. It was made out of cut-out letters from newspapers and
magazines pasted onto a sheet of paper (the stereotyped kidnappers' ransom
note.) This made the woman scared. Were the thieves warning her not to
have the police investigate? However, all the note said was, Don't worry,
he's safe, you'll see him again. Promise.

More letters came. They said pretty much the same thing, and they all had
the phrase "You'll see him again. Promise."

Then the photos started coming. One showed the statue being held by a man
with a mop head covering his face. Another showed Mopface giving St. Francis
a bath in a washbasin. The accompanying letter said something about "getting
him cleaned up because he's going for a long trip."

More photos started coming, all showing the statue against backdrops of
places all across the US. Letters talked about how the statue was enjoying
himself, etc.

The woman reported the incident to the police. [This really annoyed me.
Well, guess that's what happens when you steal a religious icon. Let this
be a word of caution to anyone who wants to try this: steer clear of
religious objects; people can get mighty sensitive about them. Stick to
ceramic flamingoes or things like that.] Anyway, apparently, the police
had more sense (or maybe just a better sense of humour) and simply weren't
particularly interested in investigating the case. This annoyed and upset
the woman intensely. ["Good!" I thought to myself, with satisfaction.]

The letters and photos kept coming, now signed "Chet and Winkie". Same kind
as before, snapshots of the statue in different places. It all ended forty-
two [Hey, Forty-Two!] days after the statue first went missing. The woman
opened the door one morning, to find St. Francis on her doorstep. There was
a final package of letters, saying things like, "It's been fun" and "We're
going to miss you."

[Now, here came a bit in the program that rather upset and annoyed me.]

I gathered from the program that although the statue was returned unharmed,
police investigation is apparently still going on. In one of the photos,
the statue is by a reflecting surface [looked like a store plate-glass
window] and there is a reflection of a man in it. The woman thinks it may
be the statue kidnapper (or one of a group of kidnappers) who photographed
his own face inadvertently.

The statue is now cemented in place to its base (previously was just standing
on a stone base, but was not attached to it), so little chance of the same
thing happening again. On a lighter note, the owner said she planned to
put an ad. in the paper saying, "No hard feelings". However, no mention was
made about whether the police investigation started earlier was going to be
called off.

The story ended on that note. The entire segment was presented in a way 
that I found a little overdramatic. Rather than talking about a lighthearted
shenanigan (which is pretty much what it was), it was presented with the
angle of Twisted Prankster With Who Knows What Hidden Motive Takes Off With
Unfortunate Woman's Treasured Statue. Owner Devestated, then Scared and
Distraught. You can imagine it, it's the usual sort of junk that is shown
all to often. Nevertheless that's just my opinion. This would be one for the
FAQ, I suppose ("Travelling lawn ornament reported in A Current Affair").

The above was reconstructed from my own rough notes and my memory (further
filtered through my own opinions about the news story), and therefore may
not be entirely accurate, though I've tried to be faithful to the facts,
and have indicated parts that are my own comments, rather than part of the
TV segment.

If anyone wants the original transcript, I guess the place to write to would
be "A Current Affair" (I have no idea what their address is.) They might
mail out transcripts of shows. This show is the Christmas Day Show, 25 Dec
1992. Someone may have taped it; a tape would be better than a transcript.

Happy Holidays to all.

-- 
Keith_Lim@sfu.ca   Simon Fraser University, Burnaby B.C., V5A 1S6, Canada
** Hon Cog Sci  Min Psyc  Senate  URC  FARSIDE  LEAD  CCCS  COCP  PSU  **
These opinions are mine. Mine!! ALL MINE!! No one else's! NO ONE ELSE'S!!

"You think you're thinking, therefore you possibly are."
                      --Grant Naylor, "Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers"
From: tonyz@hpwrce.mayfield.hp.com (Tony Zugates)
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 20:32:17 GMT
Subject: Dogs dont even like 'em!
Organization: the HP Mtn.View Resp. Cntr.