From: leighann@sybase.com (Leigh Ann Hussey)
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles,sybase.motorcycles
Subject: Leigh Ann & Thorick's Bogus Adventure
Summary: A good laugh for all at LA & Th's expense...
Date: 26 Aug 92 00:33:49 GMT
Organization: Dimwittted or Deranged

So Thorick from work and rec.moto sez to me, "Hey, I used to do all my 
own maintenance on my old Honda 350, if you want some pointers, just 
let me know."  So I sez to Thorick, sez I, "Hey, teach me how to tune 
my bike, I'll be delighted."  So Thorick sez, "Sure, let's get together 
some weekend, we'll do the whole thing."

So this past Saturday we get together.  I've gone on a shopping spree
and bought engine oil, fork oil, brake fluid, chain lube, new plugs, etc
etc etc.  Alas, I have to go somewhere that morning, and I have to do it
on the bike, so the engine's warm; no valve work for me that day.
However, at 3:30p, Thorick arrives on spif-shiny black Kawi 440, loaded
for bear with tools & whathaveyou, and we get down to work.

Cam chain adjustment: no problem.
Timing: nit-picky, but no problem in the long run.  By now it's about
4:00.  Time to do...
Clutch adjustment: manual says: "Loosen the locknut and turn the
adjusting screw in direction A [the picture shows counterclockwise]
until resistance is felt, then turn the screw 1/4 turn in direction B
[clockwise] and tighten the locknut."  Thorick says: "Must be a typo.
Gotta be clockwise first; trust me on this."  So I loosen the locknut,
turn the screw clockwise, encounter resistance, back off 1/4 turn and
tighten back up.  Thorick begins to re-tighten the clutch cable, and
squeezes the handle -- mush.  No clutching happening.  Exchange looks of
alarm.  Continue to tighten cable until it won't tight no more.  Fire up
bike, see if maybe the handle is just soft but clutching still happening.
No dice; clutch handle in full, bike in first gear, back wheel spinning.
Arg!

So Thorick sez, "Hey, something must have come loose in there, let's
take the cover off."  In order to get to the cover, we have to take off
the clutch pedal, the left footpeg, and the left exhaust pipe.  Thorick
says, "Sorry about this."  I say, "Hey, no prob, I'm learning more about
my bike than I ever wanted to know!" Loosen three screws of the cover plate; 
fourth screw won't come loose.  Apply WD40 and impact driver; no dice.  
Thorick sez, "I knew I should have brought my screw extractor!"  Rides 
home to get same.  I brew tea, watch out for tools not walking off, work 
on my rec.moto anthem.  Thorick arrives, approximate time now 5:00.  I go
inside, come back out with teacups, to see Thorick sitting by the bike
working busily.  "Man, I sure hope I don't break off the tip of the
screw extractor," he says.... *snap*  Now what?

It's a hardened steel screw extractor; no way can it be drilled.  I say,
"Well, we could try breaking the head off it somehow..."  Thorick sez,
"Don't think that'll work."  We look at it in despair for a while.  Play
with the clutch adjustor some more in vain.  Time: 5:30.  I panic.  Rush
in to the phone.  Ex husband has no clues.  Friendly local bandmate with
molto tools and experience not home.  Desperate, I think, "Hey, I read
about Brucer's adventures maintaining Norton, maybe he'll have an idea!"
Call Denver directory assistance, call Brucer.  Wife answers phone, no
idea who could this strange woman be, I embarass myself totally, urg.  I
think after hanging up, "Sheeyit, I could have just said, 'I'm Leigh
Ann, I'm a D***z*n,' and she'd have understood right away."  As it is, I
worry she must think I'm Brucer's secret mistress or something...
(Nah, when she's not around he only impales donuts...)

Anyway, Brucer hasn't a clue either.  Never happened to him, amazing.
Finally, in a fit of inspiration, I call my uncle Ian, the *gasp*
MECHANIC!  He says, "Well, if you had a chisel or a grinding wheel, you
could take the head off it..."  I find a chisel among the clutter in my
late mother's tool drawer -- living in my mom's house since divorce,
everything every which way, still trying vainly to get organized, arg!
I'm heading down the stairs, and Thorick is coming up the stairs with a
little Dremel-style grinding wheel in his hand.  "You know, I think I
could try grinding the head off..."

We grind the head off.  We pop off the cover plate.  The rest of the screw 
comes out with no more inducement than a twist of Thorick's fingers.  Grrr. 
We look at the clutch release mechanism.  Everything is connected.  "I
don't understand," Thorick groans.  We play with it.  We successfully do
not lose the little ball bearing that is the most important part of the
mechanism.  We put it back together.  We sit there.  Time now: 8:00.
Getting dark.  I go inside, am unable to find the shop light I know mom
used to have, but do find a swingarm lamp which I plug into the cable
running out the living room window, and which I ultimately hang from the
branches of the hollywood juniper by the driveway.  Did I tell you I
don't have a garage?  I don't have a garage.

Finally, in a fit of inspiration, I say, "Is it even remotely possible
that the manual could have been right?"  Thorick says, "Can't be.  But
here's the Chilton book, you can look there if you like."  He mopes.  I
turn pages.  What does the Chilton book say?  "Turn the adjustment screw
counterclockwise."  So we do.  We reassemble everything, turn the screw,
tighten the nut, tighten the clutch cable.  Thorick squeezes the clutch
handle, and I see him spiritually collapse.  You guessed it, the manual
was right.  I say, "Well, shoot, it's been six hours, the engine's cold
now, we could do the valves..."  He just groans.

Did we ever get to the fork and engine oil?  Nope.  We bled the front
brake and refilled it, and adjusted the rear brake, and adjusted and
lubed the chain, under the light of the office lamp, and at 9:30 Thorick
went home.

Next morning, 9:30 am: Thorick, on the phone: "I don't want to do the
rest this morning, I'm sore from my neck to my knees."  Dammit, I want
to ride somewhere, like we didn't get to do yesterday!  Me: "Come over
and I'll give you a back rub."  He succumbs.  I fix him up.  We go for a
ride.  So there, dammit.  Did we ever get to the oil?  Nope.  Does she run 
better?  Well, yes.  The timing adjustment was real helpful.  That's
alright, have I got some goodies waiting for Thorick "Trust Me" Chow when 
he gets back from vacation.  "Hey, Thorick, wanna help me replace my chain?  
Turn this to the left...  No, no, your OTHER left!!"  Can you say,
"Endless-type chain?"  I knew you could... heh heh heh heh heh heh

pt pt pt *vroom!*
	- Leigh Ann


Leigh Ann Hussey 		leighann@sybase.com
DoD#5913	AMA#624549      
"And they ride, and they ride/ And the White Hounds run beside/ And they'll
seize the night and shake it by the throat."