HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: cl2g+@andrew.cmu.edu (Charles Anthony Leone)
Newsgroups: alt.satanism
Subject: Christian Jokes
Date: 6 Apr 92 03:38:00 GMT
Article-I.D.: andrew.cdrwSM_00awSF010lc
Organization: Senior, Chemical Engineering, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA

You asked for it.


1. How many Satanists does it take to change a light bulb?

One.







2. What does a Satanist wear on the back of his jean jacket?

"So many Christians, so few lions."







3. Adam, Eve, and Satan went to the river to bathe. Adam and Eve
drownes, so who was saved?

None. All three are fictional characters.







4. How do you turn a Christian girl?

Bring her to orgasm.







5. What's the value of the Bible?

about 4500 BTUs.







6. What do you call a Christian with an open mind?

"Undergoing a lobotomy"







7. What's the technical term for a Christian?

"Persona Ingrata Submissiva"
 





8. And what is the politically correct term?

"Rationally challenged"







9. Why does a Christian priest have a white square in his collar?

So that Satanists know exactly where to shoot.







Lastly,

10. Why do Christian women wear high heels?

So their knuckles don't drag on the ground.


Hail Satan!!!!
________________
Tony L.

8^\)
________________
From: rtsumn01@ulkyvx.louisville.edu
Newsgroups: alt.satanism
Subject: Re: Raising Satanic children
Date: 10 Apr 92 00:49:07 GMT
Article-I.D.: ulkyvx.1992Apr9.204907.1
Organization: University of Louisville

Tried e-mailing this a while back and it bounced...I don't think it's a
moribund topic just yet.

>My wife and I are in a very difficult situation. We are both Satanists
>and have been practicing Satanists for over ten years. We, of course,
>are raising our children in our religious tradition, but given the stigma 
>attached to the religion which we practice, it seems like it is going
>to be really tough on our children when they reach school age (the
>oldest starts later this year). 

A cautionary tale regarding sending your children to public school:

My sister's oldest son had a "rattail" (a haircut with a miniature ponytail
in the back) a few years ago; I believe he was in fourth grade at the time. He
was having some problems with getting his homework turned in regularly. The
teacher promised him bonus points if he would get the rattail cut off. Although
his parents had no problem with it, and actually thought it looked nice, the
child proceeded to get his hair cut.

I shudder to think of what might happen to your children in public school.

I wouldn't suggest teaching your children deceit regarding such an important
matter as their religious beliefs or their family. Refusing to answer might
be an option, but it could be difficult for young kids who tend to see 
teachers and peers as authorities to be placated (kind of like God).

Private school might be an option, but most tend to be Christian, which rules
them out; they also tend to be rather expensive. I suppose private tutors
might be managed with enough money. . .

My spouse (who is an athiest) and I do not have children yet, but we have
discussed the problems of schooling and consider at-home education to be the
best option available. We would like to avoid the bias inherent within modern
day education which goes by the assumption that God is universal. This bias
is especially evident in literature (an important component of traditional
schooling) and history, notably American history which is prominent in the
early grades. In fact, non-Christian/non-Jewish/non-Muslim religions are rarely
mentioned even at the college level.

If it reassures you any, I have read a bit on home-taught children and they
tend to be smarter and more stable than students at public schools.

We wish you good luck and hope you can find a satisfactory solution.

--Semhaza & Shaitan
Newsgroups: alt.satanism
From: rtsumn01@ulkyvx.louisville.edu
Subject: Re: moniker(sp?) curiosity
Organization: University of Louisville
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 09:26:43 GMT

In article <1992Apr5.054815.10648@panix.com>, rdr@panix.com (Reuben Radding) 
writes:

[coupla previous posts deleted]

> We don't see that there is any intrinsic "good" and "evil" other than
> what man decides. We do in fact represent everything Christianity names
> as "evil," including all the seven deadly sins. We don't "worship"
> Satan in the conventional sense, we use him as a symbol. A symbol
> of man's rebellious animal nature. 
> 
> Read the Satanic Bible. 

I repeat:  not all Satanists read the _Satanic Bible_!! Please, I have enough
trouble explaining to non-Satanists that not everyone does, and here you are
making it worse by acting as if everyone does!

I try to make it clear that not all of those who call themselves "Satanists"
will agree with me. If I can show you that much respect, can you do the same?

--Semhaza
 
> r
> 
> 
> -- 
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Reuben Radding                   | "The indignation of fools
> Internet: rdr@panix.com          |  is my favorite crown."
> also: {apple, cmcl2}!panix!rdr   |               --Ben Hecht
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: jpatters@willamette.edu (Jane Patterson)
Subject: The Guide!
Summary: where do I find updates?
Organization: Willamette University, Salem, OR
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 00:55:05 GMT

I just ftp'd The Guide! and I was wondering - where do you find the Updates?

Thanks in advance!

Zhena



Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: ctpha01@mailserv.zdv.uni-tuebingen.de (Andreas J. Haug)
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
Subject: Re: ftp's
Date: 8 Apr 92 12:23:57 GMT
Organization: Comp. Center (ZDV) U of Tuebingen, FRG

In <7x2t76k@rpi.edu> cleggp@aix.rpi.edu (Paul Jason Clegg) writes:
>There was supposed to be one getting set up in Germany-- I don't remember the
>address.  Try asking swbaker@vela.acs.oakland.edu about it--I believe the 
>person who was going to set up a "mirror" ftp site in Germany was talking
>to him about it last.  I don't rightfully know what happened with that.

Hi. It was me. Unfortunately, out local Network is down until mid next
week. I will try to "mirror" swbaker's stuff regarding THE GUIDE and
the articles. 

(Sorry for any typos in this posting. We are currently running on 1200
 Baud "backup-connection")

Best regards, 
Andreas Haug
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: roger@vaxb.acs.unt.edu
Subject: SUBM's = *.new?
Organization: University of North Texas
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 05:53:17 GMT

Is there a utility out there that will convert SUBM's pulled from this group
into *.new files that can be used with the readers that are out there now?

Thanks,
roger
--
********************************Roger Cook*************************************
roger@vaxb.acs.unt.edu OR roger@untvax.BITNET (UGH!) OR NTVAXA::ROGER

The opinions stated herein are my own to my knowledge. If, however, you happen
to agree with me, they can be yours too, after paying the requisite fees to
me. Please contact me at one of the above addresses if you need to.
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: kogutt@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (SCAVENGER)
Subject: Mac guide stuff?
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Distribution: na
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 09:20:55 GMT

Is there a program like Guide! available for the MAC.  Can the guide listings
be used w/out a viewer?


thanx
----------SCAVENGER

-- 
If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can     |kogutt@ucsu.colorado.edu <-I.NET
get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson  |
for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going|No matter where you go,
to make crack look like Sanka. -  Dennis Miller| there you are."-Buckaroo Banzai
From: tkelly@unix2.tcd.ie (Rincewind)
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
Subject: ftp's
Date: 7 Apr 92 17:59:42 GMT
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin


 are there any european,british or (god,i hope )Irish ftp sites for the
guide.

--
------------****Rincewind the Wizard****-----------------
"Life is like an apple.It can be green,or red,but it's
 always a small white fleshy ball that you can cook with."
----***tkelly@unix2.tcd.ie,at your service***------------
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: cleggp@aix.rpi.edu (Paul Jason Clegg)
Subject: Re: The Guide! updates
Keywords: where?
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy NY
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 22:01:47 GMT

In article <1992Apr6.012714.15301@willamette.edu> jpatters@willamette.edu (Jane Patterson) writes:
>Where can the updates to the Galctic guide so recently touted in this 
>newsgroup be found?  I ftp'd the Guide, but saw no sign of updates.
>Thanks in advance!!
>(Sorry if this got posted twice, our readnews is rather screwy)
>
>Zhena

There are no "updates" of information, if that's what you think.  I still
need about 15+ good entries to stick into an update before I'll post the
update at the vela.acs.oakland.edu FTP site.  So far, the only entries to 
the Guide are packed in with The Guide! software archive, and that's only
because Mr. Baker (the author) decided to put them there.  When the first
"chunk" is finished, it will include the articles included in the archive,
except for some "personal entries" that Baker included, such as the docu-
mentation to his software package.

I'm going home for the summer, BTW, so if I don't have 25 entries by then,
I'll simply archive the entries I have made official, and that'll be the
first "chunk", albeit incomplete.  After May 5th, 1992, until further notice,
I will not be communication with Usenet, and will not be able to keep the
group up to date.  If you want to send me an entry after that date, or want
to ask me a question, or want me to send you the writing guide, you'll have
to snail mail me at:

Paul Clegg
1795 Washington Avenue
Vineland, NJ
08360

Or, if you want to talk voice, I can be reached at (609) 696-0463 AFTER
May 10th, 1992.  I'll be back again next September (actually late late Aug)
and then I'll pick up where I left off.  Thanks for the interest...

...Paul

|FQT 1.10| Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: rslarsen@oregon.uoregon.edu (Ron Larsen)
Subject: Re: NEW version of The Guide! (0.79 -- 04/11/92)
Summary: More speed, etc... get it!
Organization: University of Oregon
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 07:28:42 GMT

In article <14664@vela.acs.oakland.edu> swbaker@vela.acs.oakland.edu (Texas Bob or Eddie Froman depending on the moon) writes:
>In fact, a new updated version of The Guide! is available on "my" FTP site!!
>*****
>Release 0.79, 04/11/92

	I guess this means that you can ignore the letter I wrote you 
tonight.  Sigh.

--
+------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Ronald Larsen                    | BITNET: RSLARSEN@OREGON.UOREGON.EDU |
| Social Science Instructional Lab | Voice:  503 346 2547                |
| University of Oregon (Ory-gun)   | FAX:    503 687 0947                | 
| Eugene, Oregon 97403             | Personal:  HEY YOU!                 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------+
From: psr@acsu.buffalo.edu (Ben the Crafter)
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
Subject: i got it.
Summary: Thanks all.
Date: 9 Apr 92 18:11:15 GMT
Organization: UB

Well, just  wanted to post some good news, I got the guide and it works and everythings hoopy.  It seems to me that you don't getr alot of updates.  I'll get my friends friends on it right away.
-Strider

-- 
Strider                     | SUNY @ Buffalo | psr@acsu.buffalo.edu
Lord Mayor, The Hill People | (716) 636 4862 | V127MHSK@ubvms.bitnet

"Of ______course it's the murder weapon.  Who would frame someone with a
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: cleggp@aix.rpi.edu (Paul Jason Clegg)
Subject: Re: SUBM's = *.new?
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy NY
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 17:59:34 GMT

In article <1992Apr5.235317.1@vaxb.acs.unt.edu> roger@vaxb.acs.unt.edu writes:
>Is there a utility out there that will convert SUBM's pulled from this group
>into *.new files that can be used with the readers that are out there now?
>
>Thanks,
>roger

No.  The articles that I posted on here were samples of what I was "accepting"
while I was editing them.  The compilations will be posted on an FTP site,
such as vela.acs.oakland.edu, when I've amassed enough entries to make such
an archived .NEW file worthwhile.  I haven't received any new entries in about
two to three weeks.  I guess people found that they don't want to do the work
required for a really neat Guide project.  I still have a few entries that I
have to edit, and that should bring the current tally up to about 10 articles
total.  I didn't want to put out an official archive .NEW file until I had
received, edited, and accepted 25 articles.

...Paul

|FQT 1.10| Reader not found...  Please notify tagline.

Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: jtilton@willamette.edu (James Tilton)
Subject: Is there a Mac reader?
Summary: See subject. : )
Keywords: Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny
Organization: Willamette University, Salem, OR
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 04:20:22 GMT

E-mail replies, please: is there a Mac version of a Guide viewer?

Thanks,
						-jtilton@willamette.edu
Organization: Wirtschaftsuniversitaet Wien, Vienna, Austria
Date: Friday, 10 Apr 1992 22:01:34 WUT
From: Gerhard Gonter <GONTERNN@awiwuw11.wu-wien.ac.at>
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
Subject: Now available: Gopher Access ... (was: Re: ftp's)

The Guide is now available via Gopher:
  Host=olymp.wu-wien.ac.at
  Port=70
  Path=1/.guide.ind
  Type=1

have fun...

best wishes, Gerhard Gonter

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Gerhard Gonter                                   <GONTER@AWIWUW11.BITNET>
Tel: +43/1/31336/4111   Fax: .../702       <Gerhard.Gonter@WU-Wien.ac.at>
Life is like a cobol program. So many damn bugs and no way to find them.
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: cleggp@aix.rpi.edu (Paul Jason Clegg)
Subject: Re: ftp's
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy NY
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 19:37:04 GMT

In article <tkelly.702669582@unix2.tcd.ie> tkelly@unix2.tcd.ie (Rincewind) writes:
>
> are there any european,british or (god,i hope )Irish ftp sites for the
>guide.
>

There was supposed to be one getting set up in Germany-- I don't remember the
address.  Try asking swbaker@vela.acs.oakland.edu about it--I believe the 
person who was going to set up a "mirror" ftp site in Germany was talking
to him about it last.  I don't rightfully know what happened with that.

...Paul

|FQT 1.10| Off to see the lizard....

Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: jpatters@willamette.edu (Jane Patterson)
Subject: The Guide! updates
Keywords: where?
Organization: Willamette University, Salem, OR
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 01:27:14 GMT

Where can the updates to the Galctic guide so recently touted in this 
newsgroup be found?  I ftp'd the Guide, but saw no sign of updates.
Thanks in advance!!
(Sorry if this got posted twice, our readnews is rather screwy)

Zhena



Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: cleggp@aix.rpi.edu (Paul Jason Clegg)
Subject: Re: Request for faq or What is this?
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy NY
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 23:06:40 GMT

In article <1992Apr9.195509.12002@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> bdaher@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Brian D Daher) writes:
>I'm only up to post number 3 in our site but I subscribed because it sounded so
>interesting (shades of Hitchiker's Guide?)   But I haven't seen anything that 
>tells me what the newsgroup is about.  To save electrons, please e-mail me with
>any replies.  No flames, I thought this was an honest question and I know that 
>sometimes our site will receive a newsgroup long after it's originated and 
>start with post #1.
>
>Thanks.

Sounds like it's time for me to post the FAQ and the Writing Guidelines again!

...Paul

|FQT 1.10| Moscow in flames,missles headed our way,film at 11

Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
From: bdaher@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Brian D Daher)
Subject: Request for faq or What is this?
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 19:55:09 GMT

I'm only up to post number 3 in our site but I subscribed because it sounded so
interesting (shades of Hitchiker's Guide?)   But I haven't seen anything that 
tells me what the newsgroup is about.  To save electrons, please e-mail me with
any replies.  No flames, I thought this was an honest question and I know that 
sometimes our site will receive a newsgroup long after it's originated and 
start with post #1.

Thanks.

bdaher@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu
From: jos@and.nl (Jos Horsmeier)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Why suicide
Date: 7 Apr 92 17:10:29 GMT
Organization: AND Software BV Rotterdam

In article <1992Apr6.181649.8734@pegasus.com> alto@pegasus.com (Andrea Ostensoe) writes:
|>
|>I believe in suicide for the joy of it ! For the joy of choosing your own
|>time to die on your own terms. I don't want to die because I am sad or
|>depressed ! I want to die when I am through living. I am a pretty happy
|>person.
|>
|>I plan on being even happier on d-day ! So all you depressed suicidal maniacs
|>out there...Get happy ! Let's all die by our own methods when we want to with
|>a smile on our faces ! (if we want to die with a smile on our faces that is!)
|>Are we gonna let these UN-ASHERS really believe that people only commit suicide
|>because they are unhappy, hopeless, depressed and deranged ? I think not !
|>
|>All sane happy suicidal people stand up now ! :)
|>
|>(wendy)
|>cognitive dissonance anyone ? *giggle giggle giggle*
|
|How well you put it..(as usual)..I rarely think about suicide when I'm
|depressed..well..unless it gets very very bad..and I gaze longingly at
|my "hoard";->>...I agree..I want to either go out in a blaze of glory..
|very dramatic..or..pleasantly..in a beautiful place..complete with
|waterfall..lagoon..flowers..ummm..sounds like Hawaii;-)

Hrmpff ... sound more like Disneyland to me. Please Mickey, pass me
the razorblades, if you don't mind ... and don't let Goofy dare to
touch my pills! Hey! what's Snowwhite doin' with that piano wire?

Jos aka jos@and.nl
From: jdl3020@summa.tamu.edu (LEROY, JAMES DAVID)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: RE:Professional help...good?...bad?
Date: 6 Apr 92 20:14:00 GMT
Organization: Texas A&M University, Academic Computing Services
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Apr2.224923.28985@ryn.mro4.dec.com>, bloom@tarkin.enet.dec.com (Euthanasia) writes...
> 
>[text deleted] 
>If the individual can find an acceptable means of ending his or her life
>then the problem is solved. "To be or not to be. That is the question. To
>sleep, to die, no more". Yes, suicide IS a viable alternative to long term
>depression. I advocate that a humane and painless method be made to anyone
>electing to suicide, regardless of his or her reasons.

what type of humane and painless method would you suggest?
possibly the trash bag over the head and go to sleep method?
BTW what would be a good sedative to use for the trash bag method, that would
be real real easy to get and work perfect.

             \/                 -james
           (^^)    peace
From: alto@pegasus.com (Andrea Ostensoe)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Why suicide
Date: 6 Apr 92 18:16:49 GMT
Article-I.D.: pegasus.1992Apr6.181649.8734
Organization: Pegasus,  Honolulu

>
>I believe in suicide for the joy of it ! For the joy of choosing your own
>time to die on your own terms. I don't want to die because I am sad or
>depressed ! I want to die when I am through living. I am a pretty happy
>person.
>
>I plan on being even happier on d-day ! So all you depressed suicidal maniacs
>out there...Get happy ! Let's all die by our own methods when we want to with
>a smile on our faces ! (if we want to die with a smile on our faces that is!)
>Are we gonna let these UN-ASHERS really believe that people only commit suicide
>because they are unhappy, hopeless, depressed and deranged ? I think not !
>
>All sane happy suicidal people stand up now ! :)
>
>(wendy)
>cognitive dissonance anyone ? *giggle giggle giggle*

How well you put it..(as usual)..I rarely think about suicide when I'm
depressed..well..unless it gets very very bad..and I gaze longingly at
my "hoard";->>...I agree..I want to either go out in a blaze of glory..
very dramatic..or..pleasantly..in a beautiful place..complete with
waterfall..lagoon..flowers..ummm..sounds like Hawaii;-)


-- 
**************************************************************************
"I don't ask for much..just your heart on a silver platter;-)"
						-Kali
**************************************************************************
From: bloom@tarkin.enet.dec.com (Euthanasia)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: RE: Professional help... good?... bad?
Date: 7 Apr 92 17:24:43 GMT
Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation



In article <1992Apr2.224923.28985@ryn.mro4.dec.com>, bloom@tarkin.enet.dec.com (Euthanasia) writes...
>> 
>>[text deleted] 
>>Yes, suicide IS a viable alternative to long term depression. I advocate
>>that a humane and painless method be made to anyone electing to suicide,
>>regardless of his or her reasons.
> 
>what type of humane and painless method would you suggest?
>possibly the trash bag over the head and go to sleep method?
>BTW what would be a good sedative to use for the trash bag method, that would
>be real real easy to get and work perfect.
> 
>             \/                 -james
>           (^^)    peace

Well, here  is  a  unique  method  of suicide which will actually work quite
well.  It is an interesting variant of the trash bag over the head and go to
sleep  method.  The advantage is that it works, whereas the simple trash bag
method  usually  fails  because  the  victim  panics  due  to the feeling of
suffocation and removes the bag.

A) Purchase  a  tank  of helium.  This may be obtained at a party store that
   sells helium filled balloons.

B) Purchase some sleeping pills, or a good bottle of wine if you prefer.

C) Take a dozen or so of the  sleeping pills to relax you and place you in a
   deep sleep. Alternatively, you may prefer the wine.

D) Place an air tight trash bag over your head as you begin to feel drowsy.

E) Place  a small hose under the neck of the bag.  The other end of the hose
   should be attached to the valve of the helium tank.

F) Fasten  the  trash  bag tight around the neck with a rubber band, Turn on
   the helium and enjoy your final sweet dreams.


You will  not  have  a  feeling  of suffocation.  In fact, you should simply
become  very  drowsy  and lose consciousness in about 5 minutes.  The reason
for  this  is  that  the  suffocation  feeling is caused, not by the lack of
oxygen,  but by the build-up of carbon dioxide.  Since you are now breathing
and  exhaling  only  pure helium no carbon dioxide will build up.  Thus, you
should not have the usual feeling of suffocation.

Of course, should you change your mind before you lose consciousness you can
always save yourself by simply removing the trash bag.
From: ogorman@unix1.tcd.ie (Lucifuge)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: group
Date: 15 Apr 92 10:37:41 GMT
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin

In <1992Apr14.210509.16062@linus.mitre.org> jon@cyclone.MITRE.org (J. E. Shum) writes:

>And perhaps you have a lot nerve criticizing the behavior of others in this
>group.  Just go away before you hurt someone else.
>-- 

[to Mary Jacobs]

Oh man! Like chill out! Relax...extend ki...be at one with the universe.
All this aggression is just soooooo depressing! 

Peace 'n' love 'n' sunlight 'n' flowers 'n' things 'n' stuff.

Ollie