From: hsu_wh@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu (William H Hsu)
Newsgroups: rec.games.hack,rec.humor
Subject: Computer Science Nethackerisms I
Date: 22 Jan 1993 22:17:32 -0500
Organization: Homewood Academic Computing, Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, Md, USA
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu


	I wrote these over the course of the last two years -- clearly,
studying CS every semester and playing Nethack over vacation tends to induce
one to snap. :-) Enjoy.  BTW, I use this as my .plan -- let me know if you
find any of these signature-worthy.

	Disclaimer: some of these are inside jokes (relative to Computer
Science and occasionally Johns Hopkins University).

The CS textbook tasted terrible! --more--	Intrinsics:
You finish eating the CS textbook. --more--	You are NP-complete.
You feel very difficult.			You aggravate undergrads.
						You are solution resistant.
k. a cursed spellbook of Artificial Intelligence
l. 2 cursed scrolls of graphsearch
m. a blessed +1 Decstation named syzygy.cs.jhu.edu (weapon in hand)

*|/////|====================-
The stone giant hurls an Algorithms book! --more--
You are hit by an Algorithms book! --more--
You die...
*|/////|====================-
You look upon Knuth. --more--
You turn to stone.
*|/////|====================-
The CS professor's gaze confuses you! --more--
The CS professor hits. --more--
You are getting more and more confused.
*|/////|====================-
You may wish for an object.  What do you want? a blessed spellbook of Compilers
You have summoned a Toy dragon! --more--
The blast of C code hits you! --more--
You die...
*|/////|====================-
There is a CS undergraduate corpse here; sacrifice it? y
You have summoned a demon lord! --more--
You are scared to death, and unable to move. --more--
Dijkstra demands 65536 zorkmids for safe passage.
*|/////|====================-
You have found a scroll of genocide! --more--
What monster do you want to genocide (type the name)? teaching assistant
A voice booms out across the caverns: --more--
"No, mortal, that will not be done!"
*|/////|====================-
The data compressor hits! --more--
Your potions explode! --more--
Your 13 rocks turn into 13 worthless pieces of white glass. --more--
Your uncursed spellbook of Computational Geometry is compressed. --more--
Your uncursed scroll of Discrete Hopfield Nets is compressed. --more--
Your armor and weapons shrink to half their original size. --more--
Fortunately, so do you.
You feel like a small man.

Name: William.ZIP the Hobbit
d. an uncursed compressed spellbook of Computational Geometry
e. an uncursed compressed scroll of Discrete Hopfield nets
f. a blessed +3 baby gray dragon scale mail (being worn)
g. a blessed +4 short sword named Excalibur (weapon in hand)
What do you want to read? [de or ?*] d
Hmm, it appears to be random runes.
*|/////|====================-
A trap door opens up under you! --more--
You fall directly into the basement of Gilman. --more--
Unfortunately, it is here that hell is located. --more--
But the radon doesn't seem to harm you. --more--
Hello, William, welcome again to Barnesandnoble's rare and exorbitantly priced
	bookstore! --more--
Please drop your gold at the door.
*|/////|====================-
The post office lady hits! --more--
You feel feverish.
Barnesandnoble hits! --more--
Your purse feels lighter.
*|/////|====================-
e. a cursed spellbook of data encryption
What do you want to read? [e or ?*] e
Oh, wow, look at all the pretty colors! --more--
Your mind turns into a pretzel! --more--
You turn into a blathering idiot. --more--
You have become a CS graduate student. --more--
You die...
*|/////|====================-
New for 1992
*|/////|====================-
d. an blessed self-extracting scroll of handwaving resistance
What do you want to read? [d or ?*] d
As you read, the runes on the page magically arrange themselves! --more--
You feel skeptical!
*|/////|====================-
What do you wish to engrave with? [-abc or ?*] ?
a. a blessed +4 Sun workstation named rhombus (weapon in hand)
b. a blessed +2 high-speed modem named Forval
c. an uncursed high-density 3.5" floppy disk
What do you wish to engrave with? [-abc or ?*] b
You write in the dust with a blessed +2 high-speed modem named Forval. --more--
What do you want to write? Shannon
The data decompressor lord appears afraid! --more--
The grid bug appears afraid!
*|/////|====================-
What do you wish to engrave with? [-abc or ?*] c
You write in the dust with an uncursed high-density 3.5" floppy disk. --more--
What do you want to write? Penrose
The emperor lich appears confused.
*|/////|====================-
k. a blindfold (being worn)
l. an uncursed mirror
o. an uncursed lock pick
p. a Sound Blaster (10)
Apply what? [klop or ?*] p
You blow into the Sound Blaster. --more--
A sonic blast is emitted! --more--
You destroy the xorn!
Apply what? [klop or ?*] l
Which direction? .
You have the feeling that powerful CS professors are all around you.
*|/////|====================-
f. a brown potion
g. a potion of Gevalia Kaffe
Drink what? [fg or ?*] f
This makes you feel great! Call a brown potion: JOLT
Drink what [g or ?*] g
You feel a sudden urge to play chess. --more--
The caffeine overdose wreaks havoc with your nervous system! --more--
You hear the wailing of the Banshee...
*|/////|====================-
There is a LALR parser corpse here; tin it? y
i. a blessed tin of LEX-YACCs
Eat what [i or ?*] i
The tin opens like magic! --more--
It smells like LALR parsers. Eat it? y
Your expressions become regular.
*|/////|====================-
Danforth hits! --more--
Your economic future is uncertain... --more--
The U.S. economy seems to be moving slower.
You hit Danforth. --more--
Your hands stop glowing blue. --more--
Danforth is already confused.
You destroy Danforth!
...
i. a fortune cookie
j. 3 food rations
k. a potatoe
l. a +3 SyQuest removable disk named Media Elite (88)
m. a scroll titled "seulav ylimaf"
Read what [m or ?*] m
Thinking of Murphy Brown you forget all else.
*|/////|====================-
k. a tripe ration
Eat what [k or ?*] k
The tripe ration tasted like quails! --more--
You finish eating the tripe ration.
You vomit! --more--
You are getting weak from hunger... --more--		d..
You have attracted a Japanese dignitary!		.@@<= Miyazawa
Talk to whom? [l]					...
Miyazawa asks whether you would like some more squid.
Millie bites Miyazawa! --more--
Miyazawa gets angry! --more--				%@.
Miyazawa swings his katana at Millie. --more--		.@.<= George the 
Miyazawa destroys Millie!				...	Lipreader
You have a strange feeling in your thyroid gland, but then it passes.
*|/////|====================-
Talk to whom? [h]					...
Dave mentions that he has dropped Numerical Analysis.	@@.
You hit Dave! --more--					...
Dave gets angry! --more--
Dave hits! Dave hits! --more--
You hear the howling of the CwnAnnwyn... --more--
What do you wish to engrave with? [-abc or ?*] u
You write in the dust with a blessed spellbook of PLT. --more--
What do you want to write? Good luck in the rest of your courses, hahahaHAHAHA!
Dave looks confused. --more--
Dave wanders off, muttering about how much work he has to do.
*|/////|====================-