HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: Karl_Kleinpaste@cs.cmu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery,alt.sex.bondage,alt.personals,alt.personals.ads,alt.personals.bondage,alt.personals.poly,alt.polyamory
Subject: Important ACS update (godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu)
Date: 5 Oct 92 23:13:36 GMT
Organization: Carnegie-Mellon Univ, Nectar Project

In response to the observed TestPost:RealPost ratio which has been
close to 30% lately, as well as to the pleas from people inhabiting
the supported-for-anon-posting groups...

My ACS software has just gained the concept of a fire extinguisher.
Users who post tests or large binary (e.g., GIF/JPEG) files via
anonymus+*.*@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu will be subject to
extinguishment, also known as *plonk*ing.  From the latest editing of
the intro blurb for this service:
________________

| PLEASE NOTE #1: Posting of tests is NOT WELCOME.  Trust me, the
| software works.  If you really must test, then send something,
| anything at all, to anonymus+0, which is the anonymous mailbox for
| this system's administrator, who will forward back exactly what he
| gets.  Alternatively, send yourself some mail at your anonymus+###
| address; it'll come back anonymified and you can see that things work.
| 
| PLEASE NOTE #2: The ACS Fire Extinguisher has been created.  Users who
| are observed to post test messages via this ACS will find themselves
| *plonk*ed.  What does it mean to be *plonk*ed, you ask?  From the
| jargon file...
| 
|     <plonk> [USENET] The sound a <newbie> makes as he falls to the bottom
|        of a <kill file>.  Almost exclusively used in the <newsgroup>
|        "talk.bizarre", this term (usually written "*plonk*") is a
|        form of public ridicule.
| 
| The specific manifestation of being *plonk*ed in this ACS is that
| anonymous mail between yourself and individuals will continue to work,
| but attempts to make anonymous postings will be bounced back.
| 
| You have been warned!
| 
| PLEASE NOTE #3: Delay between arrival at Godiva of mail aimed at a
| newsgroup and its appearance in the newsgroup proper is averaging
| _THREE_HOURS_.  See "Please Note #1" above, and practice patience.
________________

I was afraid from the beginning I'd have to do something like this.
I'm not happy with having done it, but it became necessary.

Please note that, as a practical matter, there will be a great deal of
difference between the likelihood of extinguishment in, e.g.,
alt.sexual.abuse.recovery (quite low) -vs- alt.sex.bondage (very high,
probably no forgiveness at all).  I hope the reason is obvious, that
people in a.s.b are (in general) there for fun, while those in a.s.a.r
are in some cases trying to stay alive (no exaggeration).

--karl
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1259@twwells.com
Subject: hello
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 15:17:54 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Hi 
This is my first posting.
Any MPD's out there???  Survivors of cult/ritualistic abuse??
Is this the appropriate place to discuss it?



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for a help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1217@twwells.com (Adam)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Just a note
Date: 5 Oct 92 21:59:18 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com



 Hi folks,
 
 I'm going to be out of town for business till the 16th.  Thanks
 for all the support and sharing I have gotten here.
 
 Life is going OK.  Traveling for work has given me something
 external to focus on for now, easing some of the internal stuff.
 
 Looking forward to getting back and reading asar again.
 
 Ehugs to those who want 'em,
 
 Adam
 
 



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: 3:27 am fri morn
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Sat, 26 Sep 1992 04:01:02 GMT

anonymus+322@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (poohbear) writes:


>oh she really messed up

>she always oversteps. always always always alwasy

>so what if hew tells me he can handle it, i should know by this
>point that no one can handle it.  why do i think it will ever change
>i do not know  
>she is screwed.

>it might have worked and now she told him she was on a psych hospital
>this summe r 3 different times.  shit, what was she thinking?

>she was thinking thayt he might not run, even if he knew the truth.
>she was most likely wrong.  oh fuck.

>always overstepping can never find the normal never ever find what is normal
>he saw all the scars she tried to expalin it sounded so awful oh shit

lotsa *hug*s, poohbear.  if he runs, that means he couldn't handle it.  and you
know, what?  that's *his* problem, not yours.  if he couldn't handle it, being
with him wouldn't likely be healthy anyway.  i firmly believe that honesty is
*always* the best policy, and i applaud you for having the courage to be
honest.  i'm sorry he couldn't handle that kind of honesty, but i do think it's
better to know now than later.  hang in there, poohbear.  you may not be able
to see it, but i can see progress in your posts over the last few weeks.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: bob@reed.edu (Robert Ankeney)
Subject: Just some notes
Organization: Reed College, Portland, OR
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 21:07:13 GMT


     I just wanted to post an update on life in general.  Monday I'll
be going back into therapy, after a 3-month hiatus.  I've found a new
therapist, a woman whose had 10+ years experience working with survivors.
I've been going through generating a list of things I want to work on,
including acceptance (this is still a sticking point for me sometimes).
Also I want to work on being more aware of when I'm dissociated and
finding ways of becoming present again.  I've made progress here, but I'd
like to make more.  Mostly I'm looking at ways of improving my life.
I feel like I'm more into looking forward than looking back.  My process
seems to be pretty "automated" in that memories return on there own,
without my spending effort searching or digging for them.  Since I've
given up the struggle to remember, I've been amazed at how much I now
regain.
     On an interesting note (well, to me anyway), my wife and I just
adopted a dog.  We've been working on obedience training it since we
got it 2 weeks ago.  That's been a real experience, as it feels like
a control struggle.  And I've felt bad "enforcing" my will over his.
Itis reminded me too much of my parents.  And drawing the line between
reasonable limits and abuse isn't easy for me.  But finding out about
the psychology of dogs, that they need clear consistent limits (just
like children) really helps.  They have that incredible unconditional
love and trust.  So I'm learning better boundaries.  Like not letting
my anger about my past leak out in any frustration with training our
dog.  All in all, it's been a useful experience so far.
     On a side note, I've recently begun a retirement plan.  That means
accepting that I will live long enough to retire!  I remember for the
longest time I didn't expect to live to see 30.  And I thought that
killing myself would be inevitable.  And suddenly I've realized that
belief I've left behind!  I feel like I've affirmed my life by accepting
I will likely live that long.

     Anyway, just wanted to talk about a few things, as it's been a
while.

     Take care, all.
     Robert
From: tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Sleep vs. Dreams
Date: 26 Sep 92 21:23:07 GMT

anon-1002@twwells.com (scared) writes:
> Help. 
> Anyway, so much for an hour of sleep.
> Anyone else having dream problems? Sleep problems? I'm like a little kid who 
> just WON'T go to bed once I get to a certain point. After today's dream thoug
> I really don't want to.

I went through a severe problem with that- (some call it 'night terrors')
my 'record' was 4 days with out sleep-
talk to your doctor (please HEAR, this is what -I- did, I am NOT giving advice)
my doctor precribed (crap forgot the name) but it is used as an anti-itching
agent and is NON addictive and safe (for me). it caused me to deep sleep with no
dreaming....(I only used it when I could feel the night terrors coming on)
hope this helps
a
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: mpd
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 19:51:00 GMT

faype@bcvms.bc.edu wrote:

: In article <1992Oct1.024107.9638@morrow.stanford.edu>, blaze@westmark.Stanford.EDU (Suki) writes:
: > 
: > 	I'm trying to figure out how to say this without going into serious
: > rage here.  You just pushed a button.  ANYONE WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE BEEN 
: > SEXUALLY ABUSED SHOULD BE BELIEVED!!!! Excuse my yelling, but statements
: > like "except in the minds..." piss me off, because they further disbelief,
: > and HURT those who have heard that the abuse was not real.  
: > 
: Thank you for saying that.  All I ever hear these days is "she/he is probably 
: just making it up to get attention."  In other words, "somebody shut him 
: up". 

Yeah, right.  Sure.  That's not what I said, and you know it.

: > 	Cult abuse survivors have some of the most painful stories I have
: > ever heard.  It generally starts at a very young age, and continues for
: > a long time.  One of the more common ways that people (children) survive
: > cult abuse is to go multi....
: > 
: There is plenty of it out there.  Just hang around survivors and you'll run 
: into it - not necessarily the way you imagine cult abuse, but 
: it's there.  Much of it involves religious or group ceremonies as part of the 
: abuse. 

I would take issue with you assertion that "there is plenty of it out there".
CAre ti cite some numbers?
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (Jason Black)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: um, so much for mourning...
Date: 2 Oct 92 23:25:29 GMT
Organization: University of Washington

dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer) writes:

>Maybe I'm missing something, but I have to admit that I am stunned and
>baffled by the almost complete silence to the news of Karla's death
>other than a one day period of comments of the type "we'll miss you,
>Karla--e-hugs wherever you happen to be now".  I mean, it's not as if
>she moved out of state.  Saying nothing isn't enough.

so what are we *supposed* to say?  this sort of thing leaves me at a loss for
words.  

>Also, does anyone know what happened?  Was this suicide?  An accident?
>Some disease?  Learning this won't help her, but it might be valuable
>to others here, and not simply as morbid curiosity.  This absence of
>comments seen strikes me as terribly blase, and horribly fatalistic;
>rather out of character of the aims of the group.  (Which is not to
>comment on what HAS been said--those comments are only remarkable in
>a context where NOTHING ELSE has appeared.)

>Even if we admit that we ultimately have no final control over what
>happens to others, someone's death in a community, even an electronic
>one, is noteworthy.  And if we can learn from that or simply express
>our sorrow, that's good too.

well, *i* miss karla.  i was shocked when i read that she had died.  i was
sitting at work, and suddenly very sad.  but i was at work and couldn't really
deal with it then.  i miss her, too.  i don't like knowing that i'll never get
another piece of mail from her, that i'll never again have the chance to talk
with her about our issues.  i don't like knowing that there *will not* be any
posts from her when i read asar.  

yeah, i'm curious to know how she died.  maybe knowing would help me to
finalize it in my mind.  but i can live without knowing.  it's not fair.  she
was my friend.  this isn't supposed to happen.

i'm also kind of surprised that i felt *anything* at all when i read that she
had died.  i have often wondered if i would react to news of the death of
various people in my life.  i can easily imagine myself not reacting at all to
hearing that my dad or my sister had died.  but karla's death did make me feel
something.  and while i'm happy about that, i'm sure not happy that it had to
be her death that made me realize that i do have feelings.  i almost even cried
when i read it, and for those of you who know me, you know that isn't trivial.
if i hadn't been at work when i read it, i might have.  but now i don't know...

sigh.  i don't like this.  death is too final.  i guess i can understand why
some people believe in an afterlife.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: um, so much for mourning...
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1992 14:31:50 GMT

In article <1992Oct2.005157.22317@spdcc.com> dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer) writes:
>Maybe I'm missing something, but I have to admit that I am stunned and
>baffled by the almost complete silence to the news of Karla's death
>other than a one day period of comments of the type "we'll miss you,
>Karla--e-hugs wherever you happen to be now".  I mean, it's not as if
>she moved out of state.  Saying nothing isn't enough.


Well, what do you suggest we say, Steve?  Perhaps you could give us
lessons.  I'm sorry, but even posting that one-liner was hard for me.
I'm convinced that no matter what I say, it will be the wrong thing,
and will really hurt anyone who cared about Karla, and that everyone
will hate me forever.  This is *not* a rational fear, it's programming
from my earliest childhood.  Most of us have been brainwashed into
thinking that it's not okay to talk about anything "real".  And Karla's
death is very real.

Of course I wanted to ask if it was suicide (and I am so glad to hear
that it wasn't).   But as soon as I thought of it, I got the knee-jerk
reaction "God that's so insensitive, you're such a jerk, Holly, don't you
know better than to ask a question that may upset someone..."  That same
programming told me I should say "I'm so sorry, I wish I knew what to say"
and then shut up.  It's not pleasant to realize that my programming is
still inside me, but it appears to be the case.  I intend to work on it.

Holly
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)
From: lmann@jjmhome.UUCP (Laurie Mann)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: book review
Keywords: Flying in Place
Date: 27 Sep 92 12:22:25 GMT

In article <Bv7w63.n0y.2@cs.cmu.edu>, anonymus+322@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (poohbear) writes:
>  doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner) talked about a new book and apassage from it.
> >Flying in Place, by Susan Palwick
> >Copyright (C) 1992 by Susan Palwick
> >Published by Tom Doherty Associates, Inc.
> >175 Fifth Ave, New York, NY  10010

This is a SUPERB book.  It's also a painful read.  I highly recommend it.

SPOILER WARNING



> >"... Tom Halloran stood behind him, my father's collar in one hand and
> >Jane's baseball bat in the other.
> >
> 	"`If you touch that child again,` Tom said, his face beet-red,
> >`I'll smash your skull in, you psychotic prick.`"
> if only that could happen in 1 out of every 5 thousand...sigh.
> it sounds like a good(=beneficial) book, but makes me think
> that it would tend to plant a seen in people's mind that somehow,
> there is someone who will fix it for them and hence they don't have
> to look.  just me though

The book is fantasy.   My guess is more children HAVE been "rescued" than
have flown over their hometowns with the ghost of their older sister.
It does NOT invlidate the book however.

*  NeXT: lmann@vineland.pubs.stratus.com * GEnie:  Laurie.Mann  *
**** Vote to can George and Dan! **  Vote for CHANGE in 1992!****
***** "Hollywood still doesn't get it." Dan Quayle, 9/21/92 *****
* "No Dan, YOU still don't get it."  American Voters, Fall 1992 *
From: mcmorris@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (brandywine)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: ******SPOILT HER*****
Date: 30 Sep 92 13:55:52 GMT
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center

contrary to your conclusions, I don't want *YOURS* or *ANYONE ELSES*
pity....
I must of written without clarity.... and I am sorry for confusing
you.

at first I was angry when I read your post. now, I understand that
somehow, I am not communicating clearly... because you aren't getting
the point. she wasn't either.

I am trying to resolve the demand that I still love and honor my
parents with the fact that I do, in fact, think they were stupid for
having children at all. (the whole town I was born in tried to get my
mother to have an abortion when she was pregnant with me. they thought
3 kids was enough. I was told this in one of the fights with my
parents. and her best friend from that time confirmed it for me)

SO, you see, I see it as a fact that they were unqualified to be
parents... yet generally good people out of the parental scene.

I am, actually, rather logical about this. but to deny my pain
(whether I be languishing in self-pity or trying to work thru it so I
can get on with my life) is more of the same thinig I have always
gotten... and that hurts.

I actually delt with it rather well... much better than I have in the
past... and anyone who wants to have a pity party and cry... I will
support that too... I can't cry. AND WHAT WAS TAKEN CAN NEVER BE
RETURNED.... it should be mourned like a death... and kept sacred
withing...

that is how *I* feel.... each of us had very special things
destroyed... by our perps and by people who refuse to belive us and
refuse to see that... it isn't as easy as, "deal with it." part of me
never had a chance to live.... the physical abuse is bad enough, but
it is the years of silence and fear that create the probelms for me...
how can I ever trust myself or anyone else?

it is a fact, not a pity party... dealing with it somehow is also a
fact... but if I choose to mourn my dead child within.... then I can.

however, she can also choose not to be around me... I have a lot of
anger and I can see how wanting to avoid it would be healthy for
some... not everyone is strong enough... and that is another fact.

I never meant to go on so long... but I guess I will send it anyway...
it says something important... tho each of you will choose the
important part yourselves...

ehugs to all who can take them, smiles to all who can see them... and
an unshed tear for all the pain here. (I feel we are trying to change
it into useful pain... and working thru... that is why we are here...)

blessings,
brandywine



*****************************************************************
"And I feel it like a sickness how this love is killing me
 but I walk into the fingers of your fire willingly
 and dance the edge of sanity, I've never been this close
 in love with your ghost...."

-_Ghost
The Indigo Girls
*****************************************************************
From: phanes@hal.COM (Pamela D. Hanes)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Anyone like me?
Summary: ponderings
Date: 27 Sep 92 19:15:06 GMT
Organization: HaL Computer Systems, Inc.
NNTP-Posting-Host: arwen.hal.com


  I am sitting here at work, running Level 0 dumps on my servers, and
  pondering over a few things.


  Me:  ***********Little spoiler - nothing graphic, but just in case*********

  I have never forgotten my abuse; I never denied it happened; I never
  felt it was my fault; and for only fleeting moments have I felt any
  guilt over it.  Through five years of abuse, I was never penetrated,
  and I fought the SOB every chance I could.  I confronted my mother 
  and my abuser (her husband), and though nothing major came from it,
  I felt so much better for having done it.  I speak openly about what
  has happened to me, and try to share my knowledge and experiences with 
  those who ask, and, sometimes to those who don't. 
  I spent two years in therapy mostly dealing with relationship problems
  (sex drive - I have no sex drive; "trust me" - yeah, right) which 
  resulted from my abuse.  I don't consider myself "healed", but I do 
  feel that my road to recovery is mostly finished.  I do not think of
  my abuse every minute of the day, or even every day for that matter.
  I still have my moments when I feel uncomfortable during sex, or seeing
  someone who looks like my abuser, or a touch that reminds me of him,
  so everything is not always rosy.  I still see my abuser on a regular
  basis, and that brings up a whole different set of problems in itself.
  However, I have come to a place in my life where I feel very good about
  "me".  My abuse is in the past, and has contributed to the strong, warm,
  indepent person I am today.  Good things have happened to me, and I know,
  they will continue to happen.  Failures, I have found, contribute new
  knowledge - I learn something new, pick myself up and go on.

  Now, the ponderings:

  I have been reading this newsgroup since its beginning.  I posted one
  of the first articles here, and since have been pretty much reading,
  occassionally posting anonymously, and responding personally to some
  posters.
  The reason for my "silence" generally revolves around my not feeling
  as if I fit into the group of "regular" posters.  It's odd, because I
  feel a close kinship at some level, and yet, I find myself wondering
  if I am the only one like me here on this group.
  There are a lot of good things coming out of what is being discussed 
  and shared here, but, well...

  I guess what I am wondering is if there is still a place for me here?  
  Are there others like me reading this group? and can we really make a
  contribution to this link?

  ~Pamela D. Hanes
  aka WildFlower
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery