From: pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Books & MY New Year's
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 93 22:26:00 EST
Distribution: world
Organization: darkpark

> > That's illogical as all hell.
> > The getting-hit-by-a-truck scenario is out of your control, practically 
> >an act of god. To compare that with romance or sex or whatever is 
> >ludicrous...hell, I can't even rebut your analogy because it's so off 
> >base.
> 
> You call me illogical, and then you state exactly the point I was making.  
> I don't understand.  
> 
> You told Hagop Janoyan, who posted intially: 
> 
> >I totally understand your opinion that "Some day, it'll 
> >happen to you"-type advice is small consolation, but it's like those 
> >annoying things that your parents always told you. You don't want to hear 
> >it, but it's the truth.
> 
> I simply pointed out that this is not the *truth*.  For example, he might
> get hit by a truck first.  That would be entirely *out of his control*,
> as you point out.

 Oh. In that case, your point makes sense.
 It's utterly irrelevant, but it makes sense.


> The other thing is that he might do everything right and just keep striking 
> out.  Just like you could keep flipping a coin and it could keep coming up
> tails (with vanishing probability, assuming a fair coin).  To use an example 
> from my own life, the last two times I met a woman I really liked, she just 
> happened to move away before things had a chance to get going.  In both cases
> we were getting to be good friends, and I hadn't managed to alienate her (I 
> don't alienate women anymore--I think--but I have to take things very 
> cautiously).

 True, true, but look at the situation the way that I looked at it during
MY last "dry spell"; they say that for every man, there is a woman. Now, 
this'd make sense, if it weren't for the fact that the world is such a 
gigantic place -- what if one's perfect match were a Tibetan peasant who 
gets hit by a bus next Tuesday. Or, worse, what if she was born 
seventy-five years ago, and is right now rotting away in an old age home?

 And yet, people find The One all the time.

 Stands to reason, then, that for every man, there are hundreds of 
millions of women (and the other way around). So a potential candidate 
happens to be made moot by circumstance, or whatever...there are PLENTY 
more. Also stands to reason that they're asking themselves the same kind 
of questions that I'M asking. Now, when one is unwillingly single, a week 
seems like a very, very long time, but it really isn't. Neither is a year,
or even a bunch of years. Because, during all that time, the mob of women
who were Made For Me are all around me...who knows how many near misses 
whizzed past my oblivious face? They DO exist, and they ARE looking, and 
if one (a) has a bit of patience, and (b) puts one's self in situations 
which makes it easier for the match to happen, it WILL happen. The odds 
are for it.

 Maybe that's rationalization, the same kind of rationalization I was 
initially attacking, and maybe not. In any case, it's at LEAST as futile 
as your "coin flipping" example, and may just improve one's chances. 
After all, my "theory" views women as incoming missiles, and strongly 
suggests that the lonely guy get OUT of the fatalistic bomb shelter, 
because it's just too safe there.


> Maybe the confusion, as regards the truck, is that I was not making an
> *analogy*; I was stating a *fact*.  I like analogies.  I like metaphors too. 
> But my more natural mind-set is sober reflection on unembellished reality.  I
> might even agree that what you said has a "degree of truth" in sort of a vagu
> fuzzy way.  However, it is not "the truth."
> 
> No, I don't believe in fate.  I don't believe that some of us are marked
> at birth to be lonely throughout our lives.  However, I do believe that there
> are people who, through no personal fault of behavior or attitude, live and 
> die alone.  All kinds of bad things can happen to people; why not this?  I'm 
> not suggesting that anyone become a defeatist.  I am suggesting that if bad 
> things do happen, learn to live with them.
> 

 Why? When faced with the inevitable, I prefer to face it with a raised 
fist. It may prevent such a thing from happening, and even if it doesn't, 
at least you can die having fought back.
 Sounds lofty, but consider; "learning to live with" such a terrible 
thing as eternal solitude cuts off ANY residual chance one has of solving 
the problem. Not suggesting that "anyone become a defeatist"? You'd 
better believe that you are.


> Sometimes I think my standards in women are too high, at least relative to 
> what I have to offer.  Maybe in this way I doom myself to a life alone.  It's
> entirely possible.  On the other hand, I don't really mind being alone,
> so I'm willing to hold out longer than a lot of other people.

 I'd go with choice (a). Learned helplessness is a waste of time.


> In some ways, I agree, that if Hagop Janoyan can convince himself of what you
> say, he will be better equipped to meet women.  But this does not make it the
> truth.  It is a lie, or at the very least an oversimplification.  I would be 
> happier person if I could make myself believe it, but short of a frontal 
> lobotomy (or that wonderful temporary substitute) nothing can cause my mind
> to accept such nonsense.  I envy your ability in this regard.
> --

 Oooooh...fairly competent sarcasm! Nifty.


> Paul Callahan (callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu)   
> ..who wouldn't mind Usenet so much, 
> except you have to go out for espresso,
> and there's nobody shouting "Go, Daddy, Go!"


marlowe

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