From: starbuck@galaxy.ucr.edu (starbuck)
Newsgroups: soc.men,misc.kids,alt.parents-teens
Subject: Men bonding with their Children.
Date: 23 Jan 93 18:32:15 GMT
Followup-To: soc.men
Organization: University of California, Riverside

The greatest myth of the feminist is that the women 
nuture by default and men, well we all know how they feel
about men.  What is overlooked is the fact that men nuture
and bond with others especially with their children.  

Now I have noted that some men do not know how bond and 
nuture with their children both natural and step.  So I
would like to share some of my priviate life with you and
how I nutured and bonded with my daughter.  I could write
a book or two on it, so to spare the reader I will make
a list.  My list is imcomplete since I am only one person.
I do wish that other men would add to it from their own
lives so others may share our success or in some cases benifit
from our failures.

Some of the ways I have bonded and nurtured our daughter.

01.  I made a point of changing diapers, feeding, and conforting
     Meg when she was an infant.

02.  As soon as Meg was old enough to ride in a backpack or front
     pack I took her with me everywhere I could.  Even if I were
     only going to the store for a box of laundry soap.  I took
     her for walks with or without our dogs.  I took her out to
     eat.

03.  I talked with Meg all the time about anything and everything.
     I told her often how I love her.

04.  I gave her baths.

05.  I worked my schedule around my wife's so daycare was very
     limited.  In the early years we went to drive in movies so
     she could be with us.

06.  As she became a todler I played with her.  Finger paints,
     ripping paper, going walking about, going to the playground,
     taking her to the YMCA to the toddler and parent swimming 
     classes, letting her explore her world with as little restricions
     as posible. 

07.  As she became a juvinile I joined the YMCA program Indian Princess's.
     Don't let the name throw you.  It is an activity for daugter and
     Dad based on our Native American Culture.  OK, not pure but positive
     image of Native Americans.  Anyway we had meetings where daughter
     and Dad began joint projects and planed activities.  Such as the
     Pine Wood Derby where Dad and daughter each made a car to race.  The
     Pancake Breakfast where Dad and dauther worked with others to raise
     money.  And about six camping trips.  ( Where after the daugters
     went to sleep the Dads do a little male bonding on their own.  And
     much more.

08.  I took her to ballet lessions, and other activities for children
     at the Y.

09.  When at six she wanted to learn how to roller skate I took her to
     Children 10 and their parents session, and lessons where we both
     learned to skate.  She now is 14 and we still go skating together.
     Not to mention how much I found I loved to skate.  

10.  I made a point of talking with all her teachers frequently durring
     the years.  I worked school functions and attended almost all progams
     that she was in even if I had to fib to get out of work to be there.

11.  When a choice came up between my interests and her development I
     almost always put mine off and put her first.

12.  I tutored her in the begining in all her subjects until she got to
     the point that she did not want my help.  She can now do it on her
     own.  As she said to me recently, "If I need you to help me I will
     ask".  The first trimester this year she made the honor society.

13.  I have spent many hours talking with her about life and how to live
     it.  When I have noted that something was wrong I found that if we
     drove around in the car and talked she would open up and I could help
     her out.  Now she comes to me to discuss problems.  Better still
     she now tells me how she has taken care of a problem. 

14.  I spent time on our relationship.  I can see that she is now in
     transition from childhood to adulthood and can see the result of
     my actions as a parent.  I am working on letting go of control
     of her life slowly but with a lot of thought.  To me this is
     difficult knowing how much freedom to give her.  Once given
     it cannot be taken back.

I could go on and on and on about events in our lives where nurturing
and bonding have taken place in our lives but I am only one man.  What
I have done will not be the same or approprate for others.  I would like
to hear from other men how they have bonded with their children with
particular interest those men with teen's.  

Bond on and love you children!

starbuch