From: gujn@uniwa.uwa.edu.au (Jeremy Nelson)
Newsgroups: alt.pub.dragons-inn
Subject: Shriker the Really Magnificent!
Date: 29 Sep 1992 12:09:31 +0800
Organization: The University of Westrn Australia
NNTP-Posting-Host: uniwa.uwa.edu.au
Keywords: Spoof :)

Fred the Farmer lay back on the bench and stretched his legs out in the
sun and chewed quietly on a long strand of grass.  Down the rode some
bloke was walking toward him...


Shriker the Really Magnificent strode toward the City of Generica, ablaze in shining armour,carrying his proud head high.Above him his pet Gold Dragon circled slowly.

'Damn',he thought.Line wrap.He turned around and tried again.

Shriker the Really Magnificent strode toward the City of
Generica, ablaze in shining armour, carrying his proud head high.Above
him his pet Gold Dragon Circled...

'Nope, spacing.  Damn.', he thought as he turned around and walked back
to try again.

Shriker the Really Magnificent strode toward the City of
Generica, ablaze in shining armour, carrying his proud head high.  Above
him, his pet Gold Dragon circled slowly.

'Much better.', he nodded proudly, 'Hmm, maybe I should add that to my
title...'

Down the rode he could see a peasent by the road.  

'Hoe, Gud Fellow, Soule of theen Earnth, Stoute Manne!  Howe farerth
thee?', he announced.

'Eh?'

'Hmm.  Doesn't understand common.' Rapidly Magnificent ran through all
987 languages he knew.

'Bonjour?  Griblesnack?  Quibbeell ro stuf?  Teetal Jenk? 9^5g%^bbn...'

Fred stretched a little.

'Jon Tomanz?  Lon Sterchn Thin?  Geep Bing bin Geep?  P9o8p0?...'

Fred listened quietly for a while, 'Here, I don't suppose you speak
Common do you?'

Magnificent stopped abruptly.

'Of course I do!  Why didn't you respond earlier?'

'Well, you said "Hoe, Gud Fellow, Soule of theen Earnth, Stoute
Manne!".... now what was I to make of that.'

Magnificent sniffed.  He would have hurrumphed, but that sort of thing
was below him.  Quietly he turned around, walked down the rode, and
strode back down the rode toward Fred again.

'Ho, Good Fellow, Soul of the Earth, Stout Man!', this time there was a
flickering of understanding, so he continued... this was the Good Bit (tm).

'I AM  Shriker The Magnificent, Slayer of the Dragons of Pathos, High
Ruler of the High Bits of Zerg, Ultimate Really High Priest of the
Temple of The World, Master of the Dragon Zweint, Challenger to the Gods
of All, AND..'

Behind him storm clouds had built up, and lightning was already crashnig
down at the commas.  The Gold Dragon had landed behind him and was
standing in profile behind him.  Shriker was frothing at the mouth.

'Supreme Almighty Master of Everything That I SURVEY!', Shriker held his
sword above him as a huge bolt of lightning split the heavens and lit
him and his sword into fluorescent fury.  

'...and Novice of Punctuation, Spelling and Word Wrap.'

While the sky cleared, the Dragon took off, and he gradually cooled
down, Shriker considered dropping that last bit.  Maybe bunging in 'The
Ancient Art of' might help.

Fred shifted slightly in his seat.

'Oh aye.'

Shriker looked a little dissapointed.

'So then, young 'un, what brings you to these parts.'

Shriker looked up with new hope.

'I Have Come to Defeat the Dark Master!  Stand in Fear Oh Dark One!  For
I Have Come!', Shriker considered a "Bwahaha", but felt that was
probably only for bad guys.  The Dark Clouds (tm) which had formed
rapidly dispersed again.

Fred considered for a moment, 'And which one would that be?'

Shriker looked annoyed. 

'What do you mean, "Which one?", you have more than one.'

Fred nodded calmly.

'Oh aye,  les see now.  There is the Great Mother.  There is the Dark
Master who sent the Pyra-cube thing a mag jig.  Oh there is the Dark
Master of the Shrouded ones... hmmm... oh Yes, there is the Dark Master
of...'

Shriker interrupted, 'Well I shall kill them all!'

'Bwa Ha Ha Ha", he added.  Nope, definitely only for the bad guys.

'Well you'd best hurry then.  The Great Mother, well a determined bunch
have set out to recover Kron's sister, and having gradually and slowly
worked through various stages , have finally found enough information to
go after her and, well, you know they might just kill her on the way
because they are like quick witted and clever and...'

'NO!', screamed Shriker. 'It can't be!  I need the Experience, they cn't
steal my Experience points.  I have an 18 Charisma, so tell me, Oh
Feeble One, how poerful are they?'

'An ate-een karisma hey?  Hmm.  Don't see many of them around.  My
daughter got one of them, but the Doc burnt it off.', Fred nodded
knowingly, 'Well they have a Lizard Prince who has powerful old Trident,
which does..'

'Aah ha!  A Trident of Fish Command perhaps?  Or maybe a Trident
(military fork) +3?  Or is it a Trident of Warning?  Maybe a trident of
Yearning?  Tell me Oh Farmer, is it', Shriker's eyes glazed over
slightly as he started reciting form memory, '(a) three tined fork atop
a stout rod 6' long?'

'I have an 18 Intelligence, you know, Total Recall.', Shirker nodded
vigorously.

'Hmm.  Can't rightly say.  But well, at one point it spat a great bolt
of lighting like you might find from the sky, except..'

Shriker interrupted, 'Ah ha!  An artifact!  Well they may compare
it with my..'

The Dark Clouds, which had been hanging around wating for this, started
gathering over head.  The Dragon was asleep behind him.

'... Sword of the Almighty.  Three rolls on the Major Powers table...'

Shriker started listing the abilities of his sword.  The Clouds swirled
furiously over head.

'...control Blue Dragons 3 times per day, add 1 to strength once per
day,..'

Fred bent down and picked a new strand of straw.  Shriker finished his
listing panting slightly.  The Sword was glowing Brightly, as was
Shirkers Platinum armour, the nineteen rings, his boots, the...

'Here,' commented Fred, 'I've been meaning to ask.  What'r those things
on your ears?'

'Oh these.  Ear Slings.  You see, I figured I could get an extra dagger
throw a round because I have these daggers you see, in these slings
hanging from my ears. And you see...'

While Shriker explained Fred watched the Dark Clouds.  They seemed a
little tired, and most of them were just drifting off.  One was doing
it's best to swirl madly as Shriker explained about his ear slings.

Fred hoped one of them would rain on his fields.

'In any case, I must be going before they Destory the Great Mother.'

Shriker hurried off.

Fred walked over to the Gold Dragon and scratched it casually behind a
massive ear and considered Shriker carefully.

'What a pain in the ass.'

The Gold Dragon snorted it's agreement even as it slumbered on.

.
.
.

Shriker hurried down the road a way's before looking around
surreptitiously and pulling out a huge mechanical construct, and
carefully reading the instructions.

'Arm the Warhead by pulling pin "D", and mount it in slot "C".  Now...',
Shriker carefully muttered to himself.

A few minutes later a ballistic missile carrying a small Fusion War Head
blasted it's way toward Generica.

Shriker teleported away.  He wouldn't want to miss his moment of glory.
.
.
.


Shriker appeared in the Dragons Inn.  Everyone stopped what they were
doing and payed sole attention to him.  After all, noone else had
anything of interest to do, did they?

'Tonight I have killed the Great Mother!  At any time now the Great
Mother will die a bloody, gory death,...'

Outside the Dark Clouds didn't bother gathering.

'..and I rended her to bits with my 24 Strength, and...'

Strangely people where beggining to ignore him.  Actually, come tothink
of it, noone was even looking at him...

Outside the Missile gently faded from existence, even as Shriker himself
faded from reality.

Shriker wondered what was happening, even as a voice whispered to him.

'Try not to step on other peoples toes, or on their plots... for
otherwise they will stop reading your postings, and you will no longer
exist...'

But Shriker, despite his 18 Wisdom, couldn't understand what was going
on.

-- 
Jem.  Jeremy Nelson.  gujn@uniwa.uwa.edu.au       :\  =>  :) 
I fear two things: 
That I am not one of the most interesting people in the world... and that I am.