From: litterst@fudge.cns.udel.edu (Nat'l Mediocre Soc.)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: sympathy and advice sought
Date: 20 Nov 92 16:42:15 GMT
Organization: University of Delaware, Newark

In article <56477@dime.cs.umass.edu> rjudy@dime.cs.umass.edu (Judy Ruot) writes:
>I've been broken up with someone for about 1.5 years now. She's seeing
>someone else (yes, that hurts a lot) and so am I. I feel tired and 
>frustrated with the feelings I still have wrt not feeling over it all
>and not understanding at all.  I've tried getting busy and doing things
>and making new friends, whatever. Nothing seems to help. Some background
>info: when we were together, it was not ideal for me, I wasn't getting
>enough of what I wanted (lots of touching and affection, open
>communication ) so, initially, I broke off (several times. things would
>improve a little but then deteriorate again). Then, I guess she gave
>up too though it wasn't clear to me at the time that this happened. Then
>the icing on the cake, she tells me she's seeing someone else. After 
>hearing that (about 9 months ago), I've been feeling all kinds of
>intense and painful emotions, sad, angry, scared. I don't understand
>this because this person wasn't what I really wanted... why should I
>care that they are with somebody else now? Why should I be feeling so
>strongly about them?  I mean, I feel like they left me but the reality
>is, I left them, initially. I feel left, though, because they're seeing
>somebody else now. None of this makes sense to me. I've heard that the
>feelings from the loss of the relationship could be triggering some
>older feelings that were inside me from some other loss (which I hadn't
>let myself feel at the time of that loss) but I don't know if it's
>true and even if it is, what am I supposed to do now?  If someone has
>any advice, I'd love to hear it... like, how long am I going to feel
>this way... should I just forget about her (the person I broke up
>with)? She says she still wants to be friends but for the most part, for
>over a year now, she hasn't done much with me or made any kind of effort
>to do anything with me.  
>
	Well, I don't rightly know how to advise you.  I'm going through the
same thing, (but we only broke up 2-3 weeks ago.)  My only thought is that
this is actually triggering something else.  When my ex- found her new boy-
friend, I flipped.  I was dangerously close to the edge, and hanging on to 
my sanity and my Life by a very thin thread.  I realized that this couldn't
be all due to one person, and traced all of the feelings out one by one.
It took me a while, and I still can't deal with them as a couple, but I'm 
feeling a lot better about myself, and my friends.  It really doesn't matter
(I've discovered) who left who, it's always going to hurt.  Sometimes we just
convince ourselves that it doesn't, until a situation such as this comes along.
Tell you what... Close your eyes...(read the rest of the directions first ;-)
Wrap your arms around yourself... NOw, SQUEEZE!!!  That's the best I can do
other than to add in *HUGS!* of my own and to let you know that you're not
the only person this happens to.
	Oh, try to blow off some steam.  Lift weights, run, scream (screaming's
always fun :-) whatever.  Sometimes just letting it all out can help.

*HUGS*
						Steve

>frustrated and bummed
	I know what you mean 8-( 

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