From: stabosz@chopin.udel.edu (Rae Stabosz)
Subject: Re: Forwarded mail, and comments
Organization: University of Delaware
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 23:40:54 GMT

Hi Colleen,

	Marty and Steve have quoted some relevant Church teachings 
concerning your situation, and Father Wooley has spoken from the
Anglican point of view.  I don't have a lot to add but I did want to
speak up specifically because you appear a little beleaguered by all
the male voices in this group.  I don't want to ruffle anyone's feelings
but I will share with you that as a woman I have sometimes felt as if
the discussions here are more heavy-handed than I would like.  At times
(if everyone will please not be offended by the image and listen to the
heart of what I am saying) I get the picture of stags butting and 
locking horns, and I wonder if there's a gender thing going on that I
just don't understand.  I say this, as I say, not to offend my brothers
in Christ but to let Colleen know that she's not the only woman out
there and that I think you can see -- I hope you can see -- that when
the discussion moves out of the realm of principle and theory and 
into the realm of individual human experience -- i.e., your situation --
the people posting here are quite full of compassion.

	If you have been honest enough not to go for an annulment when
you believe in fact that your marriage is valid, I encourage you 
absolutely to read over the relevant passages that Steve quoted, and
pray about them, and look for a good priest to minister to you.  As
has been said, there is no impediment to your receiving the Eucharist
due to the divorce alone.  Please do not leave the Catholic Church
due to misunderstanding about your situation.  Although it is very
difficult to live out those parts of Church teaching which seem most
harsh -- and the marriage and sexual teachings in general seem to cause
most difficulty -- please think about the teachings themselves, rather
than the people teaching them or explaining them or "getting an
attitude" towards you (as it seems) because of them.  The teachings
themselves -- those passages Steve quoted, and others -- do they
reflect what Christ teaches or not?  If they do, then God _will_
back up your sincere attempt to live them out in faith.  It may
not seem so now, but with all the wisdom of my years of experience
as a sinner and a person of clouded but sincere desire to follow
God, I will state with confidence that no matter how hard the teaching,
you will find more peace and more share in the joy of the gospel if
you adhere to it with all its difficulties, than if you choose a
seemingly more reasonable path.  

	With all great respect, here's what I'd advise.  
I'd encourage you to put on hold
your intention to remarry -- which violates what the Church teaches
about Christ's intention for a married woman, even a married woman
whose marriage can no longer be celebrated fully.  If you can stand
to, turn back to the Church you thought turned its back on you and
be reconciled, however that needs to be done.  Based on what you have
stated here, there's very little to stop you from receiving Communion
right now.  I would receive the sacrament of Penance just to make sure
of that, and to feel at ease, to tell the Lord all the doubts and
things you've been through since your divorce.  Unfortunately I don't
know how to recommend finding a good priest for that, and I know myself
that finding bad advice in the confessional could do a good bit of
damage.  Ask around.  Tell us where you are located, and maybe 
somebody here could recommend someone in your area.  

	If all that is way beyond what you feel like you can do now,
please think about it, and about what everybody has said here.  
I am sure that nobody wants you to feel unwanted -- the Church in
particular _needs_ people of courage, people who take her teachings
seriously.  Please don't abandon Her!

	In love and in Christ,

	Rae

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