From: starbuck@galaxy.ucr.edu (starbuck)
Newsgroups: soc.men,soc.women
Subject: Nice Guy's and the women who dump them
Date: 25 Jan 93 03:01:41 GMT
Followup-To: soc.men
Organization: University of California, Riverside

Over, and over and over again the topic of nice guys getting turned down
by women comes up.  I am not sure what a nice guy is.  But people keep
talking about them.  Well sometimes I feel it is just talk by guys who
get "shot down" or passed over by someone else who is better looking,
more self confident, more successful, and more popular than they are.
Say a good case of envy.

Take a guy like Elvis.  Now there was a man who knew how to move.  Women
would go emotionally balistic over him.  Film and tape of his performences
show women fainting, panting and basicly letting go in the most emotional
way possible.  What did the King have that I and other men don't have?
Last week my wife and I watched Viva Las Vegas, a cute musical comedy.
The guy had something.  In a dance number with Elvis singing Viva Las Vegas
he just shimmered I was moved.  You could feel the sparks between him
and the women in the number.  Hot, very hot.  There are other numbers
in the film that sizzle just as much.  Good thing for nice guys that 
one like the King is rare.  It makes no sense to envy a guy like Elvis
yet some guys do, and he is dead. 

Now I have seen the case where a woman has made a romantic choice 
and the guy who got shot down wonders out load "How can she go with
an asshole like that."  Easy, he moves her in some manner, there
is an attraction.  Perhaps she is more like the guy she choose than
the guy she rejected.  My advise to rejected guys is to lick the
wound and move on.  Trite as it is there are more fish in the sea.

To mate or not to mate that is the question.  It is a powerful force
the desire to love and be loved and the lack of it in most cases can be 
fatal to the sprit.  I know guys that would like to have a close
personal relationship with their concept of the ideal woman.  The
fact is in many of the cases the type of women who meet the ideal
wouldn't give them the time of day.  I think the reason is quite
simple, they do not meet the ideal of the women in question. 

So what is the nice guy going to do, poor baby.  The first thing
is to stop feeling sorry for himself.  The second is to get a little
intospective.  There may be things that women find repulsive, like
you don't take a bath but once a week.  Maybe you are one of these
computer guys who is sure you know everything.  The kind a guy who
thinks a convesation is a lecture given by yourself.  You may be
the kind of guy who is afraid of showing who you are.  Maybe you
are the kind of guy who is skinny and ashamed of his body and unwilling
to do anything about it.  Could be anynumber of things.  Maybe you
are only a nice guy in your own mind. 

To have a lasting relationship with a women you have to have a good
relationship with yourself.  Perhaps the man who finds himself left
out of the rewards that close personal relationships with women bring
might take some time off from the dating game and work on self improvement.
You would be surprise in the interest women will have in you after a
while.  If your skinny and ashamed of your body join a club and workout.
Join a place like Family Fittness where it is not a meat market or
better still a men only club.  Guys who are "big" might ignore you
but if you show that you are serious they will aid you in you effort.

If you are the type who likes to lecture you will have to work very
hard because that is a problem of one who does not listen.  Women
love men who listen to them.  I think they find it attractive someway.
But caution love and sex are two different things.  Don't mistake
one for the other.  

The problem of not listening to women and being skinny are two that
I had when I was young and the solutions I offered were the one's I
took.  What I would like to hear is from men who have found that
they have had some problem with relationships with women and how
they solved them.  I think the way discussions of this type have
been going solves nothing.  I think if we shared more of our
feelings with each other we can get out of the trap of fighting
with the each other. 

starbuck