From: blowfish@carina.unm.edu (rON.)
Subject: Re: Love: It is a precious thing?
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 92 09:27:07 GMT
Organization: University of New Mexico, Albuquerque

In article <1992Apr12.131721.9414@midway.uchicago.edu> pooh@group-w.uchicago.edu (Pooh @ the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen) writes:
>In article <w3vj22b@lynx.unm.edu> blowfish@carina.unm.edu (rON.) writes:
>rON, again, you're falling into a trap.  If someone breaks up with
>you, in your bitterness you want to pretend that s/he could only do
>so because s/he never felt anything for you to begin with; therefore
>it wasn't a Real Relationship.  Bullshit.  

Bullshit back, sistah. 
You presume off of one post that all my relationships have broken down,
leaving me a wasted, bitter wreck? Try again.

>As I said, ALL relationships end one way or another.  If you do the
>breaking up with someone, are you really going to tell me that you
>never really were in love with her?  Did you get involved *because*
>you weren't interested, so that you could have all the "power" and
>trash her life? WHY DO YOU BOTHER GETTING INTO RELATIONSHIPS, THEN?

Oh, c'mon Pooh- your expanding the object parameters again to fit your
arguement- and implying that I'm either again a bitter wreck, or a
heartless cad. 
Of course all relationships end- nobody is stupid enough to presume
otherwise.
Little story to illustrate a point:
I used to attend a weekly social gathering, was one of the 'leaders' or
respected members of the group. One girl, we'll call her 'Lisa' for the
purposes of discussion, was pretty much compleatly enamored with me. We
are talking a pretty serious 'crush'. Well, I didn't realize it was a
crush, or how serious it was until later....Anyways, I ended up dating
her. Why? Well, the girl was persistant. I admire persistance. So I
figured, 'What the hey, what've I got to lose'. Well, after a while of
trying, even sex, I realized that I felt pretty much nothing (love wise)
for this girl. Oh, she was a nice person and all, but love? not. So I
broke off the 'relationship'.
So, Pooh, does that make me bitter? Not really, I didn't lose anything,
though she was pretty crushed.
Does that make me an unspeakable cad? Not really, I never played with her
emotions, I didn't break up with her to watch her squirm, just the opposite,
in fact- I didn't want her life to continue to revolve around somebody who,
in all likelihood, was never really going to care for her the way she wanted
me to care for her.
Believe me, it wasn't 'easy' to break up with her, but it sure was a hell of
a lot easier on me than on her.
And, Pooh, don't go expaniding this to say 'ah, ha! you *were* in love with
her, because you felt bad....'
Not quite- I am a generally empathetic person- I care for people, and don't
like to see people hurt- in a 'relationship' with me or not.

>Who says only one person was ever interested?  Relationships don't
>work out for a LOT of reasons; the one where "he was just pulling
>your taffy" is WAY down the list.  Anyone who reduces every broken
>relationship to "she never cared about me in the first place and
>just got involved with me to hurt me" is *very* immature.

*sigh*. >you< started this by bringing up a case of one person being much
more interested in the relationship than another. If you want, I can drag
up the reference, but I don't think thats necessary.
With everybody I've ever talked to, who was in the short end of a uni-
directional relationship, they've all felt like thier strings were being
pulled. Myself included.
Hell, its natural to feel that you've been had.
Its much easier than blaming yourself.

>You'll learn the difference, rON, when you have a relationship
>where you truly loved each other, and continue to care about each
>other and respect each other even though the relationship doesn't work 
>out for reasons beyond your control.  You'll also learn the difference
>when you're able to appreciate the reasons why someone breaks up with
>you even if you're the one who got hurt by them.

Oh, Ghods. I'm a bitter old fool again.
The way you presume that all of my relationships have ended up by me
blaming the other person, or something like that, is absolutely amazing.
I've been in one-way relationships from both directions, I've been in a
relationship that broke off from mutual consent, in love and friendship,
I've been in relationships in between.

I know the differences.

>>Like I was saying above- cheap sex is available at your local bar, and a good
>>dog (or cat) can provide you your brief feelings of love and compainionship...
>>The Real(tm) point of a relationship is to attempt to establish a working
>>viable co-existance with a MOTAS- one that is mutually beneficial sexually,
>>emotionally, etc.
>How is this different from your 'prescription' for me for cheap sex
>and a dog or cat?   Cheap sex is mutually beneficial (right, Dan?)
>and my relationship with my cats is emotionally mutually beneficial.

You are honestly trying to say that all of your emotional needs are
fufilled by your cats? And you are satisfied with cheap sex?
I know you're not >that< stupid to not understand what was meant by
'mutually beneficial'. 

>But let me tell you something -- it's NOTHING compared to being even
>in a short relationship.  If you can't appreciate the time in a relationship
>while it's happening, and not regret it later even if it breaks up,
>then I feel sorry for you.

The entire discussion was about a short relationship where one partner was
much more in love with the other....
Geez, of course a short, mutual relationship is a Good Thing.
But I forget, I'm a bitter old cynic, aren't I....

Some people >are< put together differently emotion-wise, Pooh.
r.

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