From: garrett@Ingres.COM (WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, READ THE INSTRUCTIONS)
Subject: Dan & Dave's excellent adventure (Part 2)
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Date: 5 Jan 93 02:19:44 GMT

	This is the rest of the David Letterman lists on Quayle.
Used without permission.

Top 10 reasons Dan Quayle would make a great president

10. Would not seem like brainy egghead when visiting our nation's injured
    professional wrestlers.
9. Boyish good looks would cause Raisa Gorbachev to fall in love, reveal
   state secrets.
8. His willingness to don inspiring Eagle Man costume on national holidays.
7. Secret Service agents wouldn't have to take their jobs so seriously.
6. Hilarious hijinks when mischievous staffers tells him to go stand in 
   corner of Oval Office.
5. State of Union address would be three minutes tops.
4. Might really enjoy the part where after signing a bill into law, he gets
   to pass out a lot of souvenir pens.
3. Would satisfy little-known constitutional requirement that chief executive
   be "dumb as a tree."
2. We'd get to watch him grow up on TV.
1. Impossible to pick himself for vice president.

Top 10 ways Quayle prepared for the debate

10. Learned to say "rebuttal" without giggling.
9. Had hole drilled in skull to let out some of the pressure.
8. Bought enough candy to last 90 minutes.
7. Read book of inspirational stories about dumb guys who went up against
   smart guys - and won!
6. Bounced a few ideas off Millie.
5. Streamlined story of time his National Guard unit was pinned down for
   hours by a scrappy dachshund.
4. Two words: "Cliff Notes"
3. Memorized really snappy comeback to that "You're no Jack Kennedy" line.
2. Reread his "How a Bill Becomes a Law" comic book.
1. Worked on his putting.

Top 10 suprises in the vice presidential debate

10. Dan Quayle looks cute when he pretends to be angry.
9. The was Tipper kept making out with Michael Bolton in front row.
8. Stockdale, Quayle and Gore are "sauna buddies"
7. When all the talk about "trickle down" theories made Quayle ask to be
   excused for just a minute.
6. Gennifer Flowers also guilty of "pulling a Clinton"
5. The way Gore's family kept yelling "Good answer! Good answer!"
4. All three candidates agree that Madonna is a slut.
3. When an angry Buddy Ebsen stood up in the audience and demanded his
   hair back from Stockdale.
2. Al Gore's got bigger thighs than Bette Midler.
1. Those amazing Georgia Tech cheerleaders!

Dan Quayle's top 10 pickup lines

10. Didn't we almost flunk out of school together?
9. How about a drink with a historical footnote?
8. I sure would have gone to Vietnam if the Cong looked like you.
7. Can my father buy you a drink?
6. you could close your eyes and pretend I'm Jack Kemp.
5. I think I saw Elvis last week at the Stuckey's on the interstate.
4. Look! I've got a bunch of balloons with my name on them.
3. A girl like you could help a guy forget the irreparable damage he's done
   to the Republican party.
2. I'll be vice president after we beat Dukakis and Lloyd Bridges.
1. Why, yes, I'm Pat Sajak.

Dan Quayle's top 10 National Guard duties

10. Make sure Armory's vending machines never run out of pretzel sticks.
9. Look through catalogs for cute gifts for officers' wives.
8. Enforce "no horseplay" rule at public pools.
7. Play hula girl on skit night.
6. Make sure hot side stays hot, cool side stays cool.
5. Make cool explosion sounds when platoon trains with dummy grenades.
4. Beat local Scout troops to best lakeside campsites.
3. Keep guys without shirts from entering 7-elevens.
2. Write to Nancy Sinatra; urge her to visit base.
1. Round-the-clock blob watch.

Dan Quayle's top 10 complaints about France

10. Virtually impossible to find a box of Cap'n Crunch.
9. Long lines at Jerry Lewis movies.
8. French people speak some kind of moon-man language.
7. Water fountain in bathroom must be designed for midgits.
6. Snobby French won't elect their government officials unless they have
   qualifications of some kind.
5. After all the hype about "Big Ben", it's nowhere to be found.
4. Doesn't know how many hours ahead to set Mickey's hands.
3. the Happy Meals taste different.
2. Primitive cheese slices not individually wrapped.
1. Everyone referring to him as "Le Bonehead"

Dan Quayle's top 10 New Year's resolutions

10. Think of snappy comeback to Bensten for that, "You're no Kennedy" remark.
9. finally get it straight: Democrats are the donkey, Republicans the elephant.
8. Get Marilyn's little dog to write a book the way Barbara Bush got hers
  to.
7. Eat a zillion M&M's
6. So long, 8-tracks. Hello cassettes!
5. Renew ties with family of ducks that raised him.
4. When meeting foreign dignitaries, try not to crack up and say, "What a
   funny hat!"
3. Spend more time with imaginary friend "Leslie"
2. Catch Roadrunner
1. Learn to say "Sununu" without giggling.

Top 10 things overheard at the president's physical
6. "Mr. Quayle, you don't have to undress"

Top 10 business tips from the president's son
6. Ask Quayle if he has two tens for a five. Repeat until you are rich.

Top 10 items on Bush/Yeltsin summit agenda
7. Tour of vice president's tree house.

Top 10 things George and Barbara disagree about
6. The vice president's bedtime.

Top 10 changes in Mount Rushmore
4. Gag space that says "Reserved for Dan Qauyle"

Top 10 surpises in Reagan speech
8. reference to Dan Quayle as "somebody I wouldn't mind sharing a bunk with"

Top 10 other campaign promises Bush has broken
6. A pony for Quayle

Top 10 things Perot found out about the Bush family
1. Quayle was Millie's suggestion.

George Bush's Top 10 stress busters
2. tosses horseshoes at Quayle's head.

Top 10 new features on Air force One
1. Phony steering wheel so Quayle can pretend he's flying plane.

Top 10 slogans for the 1992 Democratic convention
3. We're the party without Quayle.

Top 10 highlights of Bush's visit to Disney World.
1. pluto and Qauyle sniffing each other.

Top 10 Iraqi names for George Bush
8. Qualye picker

Top 10 signs your kid is a loser
2. Is U.S. vice president


	As you can see, David Letterman is a Dan Quayle fan too.

-Garrett
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle