From: beck@cs.UAlberta.CA (Bob Beck)
Subject: UAlberta Game - Fluffy News Network report.
Organization: University of Alberta
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 22:26:35 GMT


			FNN Special report : 
 		   Week #0  Ualberta Invitational

	Sunday saw the start of the Ualberta Invitational empire game.
This game has 30 players in a 256X256 world that is mostly water.
there are 5 clusters of 6 ~50 sector start islands in close proximity,
with the clusters being separated bu vast tracts of ocean with a few
small islands in it (essentially no free land).  1 update a day, 48 etus. 

	As it currently sits life would be fairly boring. We are
currently waiting for update number 3 tonight, and yet the
participants seem to have arrived in the world with a certain attitude
that without any contact having been made already gives the world a
certain subtle ambiance of "I wanna rip his lungs out". Hence, a post
for your amusment.

	First the power list (if you could call it that after 2 updates)

     - = [   Empire Power Report   ] = -
      as of Wed Jul 22 13:32:01 1992

         sects  eff  civ  mil shell gun  pet iron dust food oil  pln ship money
Revelghos  55    9% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  250  200  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
 Temekula  55    7% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  650  150  1.1K   0    0    0   25K
    Itchy  50    9% 1.9K  10    0    0    0  450    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
Aquilonia  50    8% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  550  100  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
  Elaking  50    9% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  550    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
   Sardar  55    7% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  350  250  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
Stronghol  55    9% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  200    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
  Metzada  55    6% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  650    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
Park_Plac  50    9% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  300    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
Negativla  50    6% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  500  250  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
     Pern  50    7% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  300    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
   Hajtaj  50    7% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  300  150  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
   Gambit  55    7% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  450    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
NOGS_Inc.  55    6% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  450    0  1.0K  23    0    0   25K
   Syzygy  55    6% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  500    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
 Vulgaria  50    6% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  350    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
     HELL  50    6% 1.8K   0    0    0    0  450    0  1.0K  50    0    0   25K
Afrika Ko  55    6% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  200  150  1.1K  50    0    0   25K
  Krikkit  55    5% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  350  250  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
Orleanais  50    5% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  500    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
 Scratchy  55    6% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  200   40  1.0K  34    0    0   25K
Metallica  10   44% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  400    0  950    0    0    0   25K
   Actium  15   25% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  200  100  950   50    0    0   25K
  Finland  55    4% 1.6K   0    0    0    0  200    0  1.0K   0    0    0   25K
Corto_Mal  50    6% 1.2K  10    0    0    0  100  150  1.1K   0    0    0   25K
Brigadoon  50    4% 1.4K  50    0    0    0  200    0  1.1K   0    0    0   25K
 The_Scum  10   36% 1.7K   0    0    0    0  200    0  950   50    0    0   25K
EVIL_EMPI   5   46% 1.9K   0    0    0    0  250  150  950  100    0    0   25K
Graahoeje  20   10% 1.5K   0    0    0    0  400    0  1.1K   0    0    0   25K
   Resvon  10   19% 1.5K   0    0    0    0  250  100  1.1K   0    0    0   25K
          ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----
worldwide 1.3K   8%  53K  50    0    0    0   11K 2.1K  30K 400    0    0  745K

	Much ado has been made over some of the people at the bottom and why
they are staying there.. Perhaps we all may be enlightened given time..

============================================================

> Announcement from Revelghosts, (#10)  dated Mon Jul 20 20:46:16 1992
The Great Revelstone leader contemplates the view from the top...

Downright impressive...

How's the weather down there evil?

*evil grin*

> Announcement from EVIL_EMPIRE, (#3)  dated Mon Jul 20 20:50:21 1992

Dateline: Mel Zeth, Imperal Capitol of THE EVIL_EMPIRE

Today's weather will be just a tad better then in the country
of The_Scum, but alot worse then that of some weird country
that we haven't found *YET*.

----------------------

]	Many players have also noticed "Itchy and Scratchy" with
]predictable responses of hostility and disdain.. Scratchy's reaction
]was articulate : 

--------------------
> Announcement from Scratchy, (#17)  dated Mon Jul 20 15:54:33 1992
The scene shifts to the King's chambers...

The Sovereign, sitting at his desk sipping tea and nibbling
crumpets, muses over parchments which record the days acts of
parliament. He scans down the scroll, being most careful not
to soil it with crumpet crumbs, and suddenly pauses on a decree
most puzzling.

"Scribe, come here. What is this decree of which I have no
knowledge of passing?"

The scribe, nervously tugging at the edges of his tunic, reads
the item which has caused distress to his Leige.
"Sire, it is the proclamation that thy kingdom shall be known
henceforth as Scrathy."

"Scratchy! What kind of name is Scratchy?!!"

"My Lord, it was by thine order that the true identity of thy
kingdom be concealed from the other lands of this realm. You
decided, most wisely, to hide behind a false name until thy
enemies had tasted the edge of thy sword and gasped their
last dying breath in defeat. Thy advisors felt Scratchy would
be a most worthy name."

"Well then... if our land is to be known as Scratchy, I would
at least like to know what a Scratchy is."

"Yes, my Lord. Scratchy is the name of a fictitous cartoon
mouse..."

"A rodent?!! You mean to say my kingdom is named after a rodent?!!"

"Your parliament felt that it would be a most inoffensive and

misleading name. In addition, the mouse is often engaged in
chivalrous combat with a cat and is always victorious."

"Jolly good! I must say I rather like the idea of pummeling."

"Yes, my Lord. But their have been signs of disrespect and
annoyance because of thy choosen name."

"Really! Let me see the names of my worthy opponents...
NOGS_Inc.?! What on earth is a NOG? Put my Intelligence Bureau
to work on it."

"Immediately, my Lord."

"And this one... Vulgaria?! Sounds like a land where people
excrete body gases indescriminately. And what about this Itchy?"

"Itchy is the name of the cat which Scratchy repeatedly vanquishes
my Lord."

"Ah... so it is. Notify the 5th Legion to prepare for
mobilization."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Now who else have we got here... what is this Metallica?
Does this ruler really expect us to believe his citizens
are made of metal? How mad can one be. And what is this
blasphemous country of HELL? The Bishop will have a fit."

"Yes, my Lord."

"And here we have a country of Scum. I daresay they ought
to shower more over there. Ho Ha Ho."

"Very witty, my Lord."

"Well then... now that I've seen the worthy assortment of
nations, it is time to prepare. Summon my Ministers and
Noble Lords..."

*grin*
----------------
]	But returning to ambiance, Resvon, for whatever reason, managed to 
]miss the first update and break late.  Obviously he must have decided that
]this puts him at great advantage, since he now wants to kill half the world: 
---------------
> Announcement from Resvon, (#4)  dated Tue Jul 21 15:50:10 1992
My First War Declarations, by Mr. Ed:

To Itchy and Scratchy
Oh what a good joke
With names like these
How can you help but choke?

To krikkit, he who once was my friend
Then he started a bad game
And that was the end.

To Evil Dave Nye
You'll starve so many people
That it'll force oyu to cry.

To actium, he of late start
I'm gonna kill you so bad
That you couldn't even fart.

On donner, on dancer, on dasher and vixen....
On cupid and comet and prancer and nixon....

Oh but these times of war do strain so

go on home and drink some grain.
-------------

]The man has a way with a lyric, don't he...

--------------

Tue Jul 21 15:51  Resvon declares TOTAL WAR on Krikkit
Tue Jul 21 15:51  Resvon declares TOTAL WAR on Actium
Tue Jul 21 15:51  Resvon gets serious with EVIL_EMPIRE and declares WAR
Tue Jul 21 15:50  Resvon declares TOTAL WAR on Scratchy
Tue Jul 21 15:50  Resvon declares TOTAL WAR on Itchy
-------------
]	And now today, he came up with a few more...
-------------
Wed Jul 22 12:29  Resvon declares TOTAL WAR on Brigadoon
Wed Jul 22 12:29  Resvon declares TOTAL WAR on Sardar
Wed Jul 22 12:29  Resvon declares TOTAL WAR on HELL
Wed Jul 22 12:29  Resvon gets serious with Syzygy and declares WAR
Wed Jul 22 12:29  Resvon declares TOTAL WAR on Elaking
Wed Jul 22 12:29  Resvon declares TOTAL WAR on Corto_Maltese
-------------
]	Some countries saw fit to ignore him...
------------
> Announcement from Brigadoon, (#28)  dated Wed Jul 22 12:47:01 1992
"High Leprechaun!  High Leprechaun!  Resvon has declared war on us!"
The Leprechaun of Diplomacy, after hearing the rattled messenger's
news, calmly walked over to the War Leprechaun, and smacked
him up side the head.
"You idiot!  What did you do to piss him off!"
"Me?  Me?  I did nothing!  At least so far."
"QUIT!"  belowed the High Leprechaun, "This is noone's fault.
Resvon is a dweeb."  As he retook his gold throne, the Lord of
Brigadoon reached for his favorite pipe."  After a few puffs,


he concluded with, "Ignore him."

				the Irishman
-----------
]     Others responded in kind: 
----------
Tue Jul 21 16:17  EVIL_EMPIRE gets serious with Resvon and declares WAR
Wed Jul 22 00:48  Itchy declares TOTAL WAR on Resvon
---------
]	Scratchy's respose was appropriately severe:
--------
> Announcement from Scratchy, (#17)  dated Tue Jul 21 20:20:54 1992
The scene shifts to the patio just off the east wing
of the palace. The King, soaking contentedly in the
outdoor jacuzzi and nibbling on more crumpets of course,
browses over a scroll recording the days events.

"What's this?" remarks the King, dropping crumpets into
the bubbling water in his alarm. "Come here Scribe." 

The Scribe scurries over quickly, "Yes my Leige?"

"Why has the land of Resvon declared war on us?"

"Well my Lord, earlier today the Resvon ambassador
delivered a communique from his King. Apparently the
potentate of Resvon is most irritated by our use of
the psuedo-name Scratchy."

"Oh really! How rude! I find that most unbecoming to
a ruler of which we have such high regard."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Well, we cannot allow such an insult to pass without
some sort of retaliation... I want all exports of
Camel-hair Lounge suits to Resvon stopped immediately,
and get me some more crumpets damn it!"

"Immediately, my Lord.".
-----------

]	The main disagreement seems to be with 
]Resvon and TheEvilOne. The wind between these two is approching
]hurricane proportions :

----------------------

> Announcement from EVIL_EMPIRE, (#3)  dated Tue Jul 21 14:25:22 1992

The NetGod is a very fickle God.  Sometimes they are awsome
and sometimes they can just make you cry in frustration
at what just seconds ago was possible is nolonger.

Life is getting ALOT better on the net.  Just in
the last 3-4 years the difference in net tims.
Hell, if I lived in Cambridge still I could have ISDN to my
apartment... }:).  All I'd need is to win a small
lottery and I'd buy a nice fast workstation and hack and
have empire games running from there.

-=Evil=-


> Announcement from Resvon, (#4)  dated Tue Jul 21 14:26:50 1992
And then you could have sex with it too!  Be cheaper
than what you're paying for those prostitutes you're
picking up from Wellesley.


> Announcement from EVIL_EMPIRE, (#3)  dated Tue Jul 21 16:16:57 1992
Don'tcha just hate it when some fodderous country a few pegs
down the powerchart has the brass ones to declare war on you?

Okay, Doogie..if that's what you want...You gots it bub.

Beware world...Any land between the foul country of Resvon and
EVIL_EMPIRE are hereby declared to be in a WARZONE and will
be used and abused accordingly.  This one is going to be
to the DEATH...

See you in HELL Doogie...

-=TheEvilOne
 
ps, Yeah, I know we have no idea where that warzone is..
Just becareful out there...

> Announcement from Resvon, (#4)  dated Tue Jul 21 16:19:27 1992
I think what he *meant* to say was that it'd
be the usual Evil Empire war of him cowering
on his homeisland making forts and defensive fighters
as fast as possible.

That's not skill - that's lame.  Hell - TOG could
do better than that.

> Announcement from EVIL_EMPIRE, (#3)  dated Tue Jul 21 16:30:17 1992

au contrair (sp) my dear ResRunt...I promise to bring the war
to you fast and all possible speed.

You will Die...and it won't be very pretty..  I'm going to send
your ugly mug back into the depths of Moria, or worse into
some rogue TinyTalk game...

-=TheEvilOne...
	
> Announcement from Resvon, (#4)  dated Wed Jul 22 12:28:43 1992
Having ascertained that the upcoming war with the legion
of doom from EVIL_EMPIRE may encompass vast tracts of
land, we of Resvon hearby open up more paths of fire.
Please do not take offense at these actions, they ae
required to allow us to freely roam over the necessary land to
rape and pillage each other.


==================================================================

	The world trembles in anticipation.. I'll have to get another
hard drive to hold the tempest when they actually locate each other..

	Untill next week folks, 

	-Fluffy