From: cj@lib.washington.edu (Cindy "Cyberpunk" Jenkins)
Subject: Re: Making a change
Organization: University of Washington Libraries
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 18:02:57 GMT

In article <1992Apr10.181746.15600@talon.ucs.orst.edu>, kaufmanj@UCS.ORST.EDU (John Kaufman) writes:
> For the past few weeks I have been diligently reading the articles posted in
> this newsgroup. Some of them have been enlightening, at least enough for me
> to feel like the anguish I have as a divorced father is shared by many. Yet
> reading day after day people posting their personal experiences it makes me
> realize that I don't want to become as bitter as so many seem to have gotten.
> Don't misunderstand; I think a forum where people can express their pain and
> anger is healthy, but I see that this medium could be used for so much more.
> We all (or almost all) agree there exist tremendous inconsistancies and   
> injustices in the laws affecting divorced parents. Why not use this national
> sounding board for realistic discussion on how we can change the system. We 
> have a great resource of people, both men and women, who are intelligent and
> willing to take part in sharing constructive ideas on how we can make the
> system equal for both sides.
> 
> Here is a partial list of things that should be discussed, honestly, by both
> sides, to try to come up with something we could possibly submit to our
> legislators.
> 
> True Joint custody: the idea that both parents have the responsibility of
>                     raising their children. "Visitation" is not parenting,
>                     children should be able to spend as much time as they
>                     want with either parent.
> 
--------------- YES ! I fully agree that money is not the issue, time and
committment is.  The state has taken the stand that more $$$ will make for
a "better and happier" child.  Bull.  Coming from a well-off but broken
home, I can say that I would have been happier to have seen my Dad more
and had less funds for clothes, spending $$, etc.  My Dad lived nearby, but
Mom often pulled nasty "surprise out of town trips" when it came time for
Dad's weekends of custody.  When I got old enough to protest, my Dad and I
re-created a great relationship, but we will never get back those first
6 years of time.

> Child support:      If we are to assume the legal system wants parents to
>                     share the finacial burden of children equally, then
>                     mothers should be able to show where their portion is
>                     going, not just claim its being used to house and feed
>                     the children. Child support levels need to be re-evaluated
>                     to get closer to levels that non-divorced parents spend on
>                     their children. Do parents in an intact family spend
>                     $1200 a month on three children for necessities? If so,
>                     there must be some families out there that make a hell og
>                     alot of money.
> \                   Fathers who are faithfull about keeping up child support
>                     should be given tax incentives to keep up the good work!
>                     The way the system is put together now, it encourages non
>                     support by placing extreme conditions on divorced fathers.
>                     If I pay X dollars a month for child support when my
>                     children are with their mother, then shouldn't their
>                     mother (in all fairness) pay me X dollars a month when
>                     the children are living with me? If she can't do that,
>                     doesn't it imply that she is not putting up her share of
>                     the finacial burden when the children are in her care?
> 
---------  As a wife of an NCP dad I agree with the exorbitant support
levels we are forced to pay by WA state.  Many know my sotry on that so
I won't repeat it.  I'll just say that I also do not believe it takes $900
a month to raise one 12 year old kid per month! I would like to see some 
accounting for that $$$.  It leaves us incredibly short each month, enough
so that we are back to dining as students (you all know, peanut butter,
potatoes, and top-ramen?!).  Shannon SMith cites the cost of daycare as
a reason for the high support.  I can agree with that, daycare is costly,
and the NCP should have to help on that score.  But it should not be in
with the basic support amount.  It should be an added on cost specifically
for daycare.  And when daycare is no longer needed the support should go down
proportionally to the loss of the daycare costs.

> I know these ideas and thoughts will cause controversy from both sides. I'm
> not trying to start flame wars, I am trying to get a feeling of where people
> stand on what is fair TO THE CHILDREN and to both parties who wish to parent.
> 
> Perhaps at the time of filing for divorce both parents should sign a document
> stating their parenting intentions: perhaps some fathers would just as soon
> make support payments to the mother and let her have the responsibility of
> raising the child. If both sign with intentions of sharing the parenting, then
> fathers should be guaranteed just as much time with their children as the 
> mother receives, as long as he supports the children whether they are with him
> or not.
> 
> Obviously there is much to discuss, and FAIRNESS is the guideline. No flames
> please, let's make a conscious effort to keep emotion to a minimum. There are
> an incredible number of divorced parents out there, and that constitutes a lot
> of voting power. We can effect changes but we have to be FAIR and united.
> 
--------- I also think we can change things, we need to be as vocal in public
arenas as we are on this forum.  Any ideas on how to go about doing this?  I'm
great at being annoyed and frustrated, but haven't any organization skills
wahtsoever!  :)

> We also need accurate and verifiable statistics. Is that an oxymoron?
> 
> john kaufman
> 
> 
> Standard disclaimer- no body can take responsibility for what I say- not even
>                      me.
> 
---- Good Post John!
           _  ,/|  | 
          '\`o.O'  | Cindy Jenkins     
           =(_ _)= | Systems Janitor
 Thhppt!     |U|   |            
Newsgroups: alt.child-support