From: "ron kulick" <ron.kulick@execnet.com>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: request : christmas j 1/3
Date: 10 Dec 92 16:14:55 EST
Reply-To: "ron kulick" <ron.kulick@execnet.com>
Distribution: rec
Organization: Executive Networks Information

                  Message Written On 12/10/92 At 13:15:43

ZD>I'll be a MC in a Xmas Party this year.  I'm looking for
  >any kind of Christmas Jokes, please post.


How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ?
Olive ?
Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they  were originally  made for children but the father wants to
play with them.

Why doesn't Santa have any children ?
Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

What do blacks and Christmas trees have in common ?
They both have colored balls.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.


How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
They both have ornamental balls.


What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male
reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?
They go into town, and blow a few bucks.


Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
Because it's to far to walk.


What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?
Snowballs.


Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.


The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the
manger.  One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped
his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
"Jesus Christ!" he shouted.
Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!"


During the recent Karpov-Kasparov world chess championships they came to an
adjournment and left for their hotel. In the lobby of the hotel several
chess enthusiasts could be heard bragging,

"I could beat Karpov with no problem".

"Oh yeah, I could beat both of them at the same time."

"That's nothing, I could beat both of them blindfolded!"

Finally, the hotel manager had had enough and threw them all out of the
hotel.

But why?" a bystander asked.

"Because," the manager replied "I hate ... "chess nuts boasting by an open
foyer!"

----

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students
might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas
season emphasis on His birth.  He wanted to make sure they understood that
the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today ?"

Johnny raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know!
He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a
response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long
seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Robert how he knew this.
and Robert said, "Well.....every morning my father gets up, bangs on the
bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"

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