From: doug@testsys.isis.org (Doug Thompson)
Newsgroups: talk.religion.newage,alt.alien.visitors,sci.skeptic
Subject: Re: July 4, 1992 - Global Spiritual Independence Day
Date: Sat, 02 Jan 93 00:00:19 EST
Reply-To: doug@uuisis.isis.org
Distribution: na
Organization: DistNet Technical Support

In article <72746@cup.portal.com>  John_-_Winston@cup.portal.com writes: 

> Dear Folks: I believe you will find that the last person who was writing me 
> was not Satan. Satan has not written me lately. He is from the UK. My last 
> posting about the Bolivian Encounter sort of cut off towards the end. Sorry 
> about that. It hard to get good help nowadays.
> John Winston. If my flamers would let me I would like to say thanks to Betty 
> and Robert, but then I had better not say that so I won't. 

I would like to propose the creation of two new newsgroups.  One would
be called "july.4.1992.global.spiritual.independence.day" since, by my
count, this is the single most common subject line in usenet in the
past six months.  In another few months it will have to be renamed to
"july.4.1992.global.spiritual.independence.year". 

The other would be john.winston.humor.funny since by my subjective
analysis, John_-_Winston's posts achieve the highest laugh-per-word
(or giggle per characer) impact on the net.  Ya know, I was
considering just terminating my usenet feed recently, but I couldn't
bear to be without that daily jolt of off-the-wall humour and the news
flashes about when John goes away for a couple of days and when he
comes back and the free reprints from tabloid rags!

So maybe we really need a third new newsgroup: john.winston.itinerary
so that everyone will know where he is, when he is, and when he's
back.

It'll read like:

Monday:    desert (any one will do)
Tuesday:   Mt. Shasta (any one of these will likely do too)
Wednesday: Bolivia (is there more than one?  You guessed it, there are 52!)
Thursday:  Mars (by train, via steamship to Venus)
Friday:    Supermarket reading tabloids (and just *how* many are there??)
Saturday:  Sun (don't ask)
Sunday:    [a day of rest, to be announced to the world on the net, of
course. On a bad week, there will be four copies of the announcement. 
On a good week, there will be only one, but it will be indeipherable]

Of course, John may well be using the Roman 8 day week instead of the
barbarian 7 day week in which case the Internet is in *DEEP* *DEEP*
*DOODOO*!  Everyone who is responsible for calendar code had better
hurry to prepare modifications to handle the 8 day week because if
John is working on that cycle (and my hunch is that he is) his
influence is bound to alter the "consensual week" to 8 days from seven
sometime real soon now.  It'll happen when the moon is in the seventh
house and Jupiter aligns with Mars and John's next trip to the Sun.

=Doug

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Caveat: this isn't me.  I posted this in a past life or two, not as
you think - assuming you think - which assumption is disproved by the
fact that you are reading this newsgroup - which also proves, beyond a
reasonable moon-shadow of a Ufologists doubt that I don't exist except
in your over-active imagination (or third eye chakra, whichever comes
first) which will undoubtedly result in twins. 
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Acknowledgements:  Who could even think about Usenet in 1993 without a
reference to the enormous debt owed by the net to John_-_Winston who,
in case anyone was wondering, is not really an ordinary human at all,
but rather is an angel.  I know this is a secret which wasn't s'posed
to get out, but the devil made me do it.

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Disclaimer: just in case anyone should think this is my opinion, or
something absurd like that, I feel that it is incumbent upon me to
warn you that danger increases with amount smoked!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Second Disclaimer: this is an experiment in artificial intelligence. 
These opinions belong to my CPU and are not shared by my brain or my
employer or anyone/thing else for that matter.  In fact these are not
opinions, these are ASCII int4erf8er*ence pat&te#rns created by John
and indicate a stack overflow which is about to become a core dump.
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uuisis!testsys!doug
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