From: brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (David Bromage)
Subject: Re: Join the masons!
Organization: Whitehall
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 23:59:45 GMT

MR X (csg188@cch.coventry.ac.uk) wrote:
: 
: 	***** A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OFFER ****
: 
: 	***** DO NOT IGNORE THIS ********
: 	
: 	****** OR YOU WILL REGRET IT *****
: 
: The Coventry branch of the grand lodge of free-masons would like to recruit 
: new members from the alt.fan.monty-python newsgroup.
: 
: We are the largest masonic society in the world with over 5 million 
: members worldwide. Joining us, will give you power, money and influence.
: For instance:
: 
: 	-87.56% of Unversity lecturers are masons - so a quick masonic
: 		handshake will get you a first class degree with no work.
: 	-81.23% of police officers and 92.8% of judges are masons, so you
: 		can commit any crime and get away with it.
: 	-93.567% of company bosses are masons, so you will soon rise to the
: 		top in your choosen career.
: 
: We hold regular lodge meetings, where you can take part in many activities,
: such as:
: 
: 	-Wearing Aprons
: 	-Showing each other your left nipples
: 	-Rolling up your trouser legs
: 	-Chanting strange rituals in a silly high pitched squeal
: 	-Strange handshakes
: 	-Silly walks
: 	-Perverse sexual acts (e.g. rubbing lemon curry on your naughty bits)
: 	-Corrupt business deals with other masons
: 
: There are only two rules on becoming a mason:
: 
: 1) That you wear an apron and roll up your trouser leg
: 2) That you will never reveal anything about the masons activities to
:    'normal' people.
: 3) That you will help out other masons in any way you can.
: 
: 	Sorry three rules.
: 
: Any masons who breaks the two.. sorry three rules will have their eyes torn
: out, their throat cut from side to side and their liver removed with a blunt
: instrument.
: 
: If you are intrested then complete the application form below.
: 
: ==================== Cut here ================================================
: 
: 		APPLICATION FORM
: 
: 1) E-MAIL NAME
	brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au
: 2) REAL NAME
	David Harvey Oswald
: 3) ADDRESS
	Dallas
: 4) TELEPHONE NUMBER
	911
: 5) DATE OF BIRTH
	30/10/71
: 6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?
	Applied narcotics
: 7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?
	Yes
: 8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?
	Blue, no red...
: 9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?
	Yeeeeeeipipipipipipipipibibibibibibibibi
: 10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?
	Yes
: 11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.
	Forward ariel O'Brien half turn on alternate steps
: 12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?
	Yes, President of the Amateur Gynacologists Club
: 13) BANK BLANCE?
	Yes, on a fulcrum
: 14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?
	Yes
: 15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?
	Spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam spam and spam
: 16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)
	Just a minute.......
: 17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
: 18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU? 
: 	(PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
: 	
: 	(A) THROBING
: 	(B) NAUGHTY BITS
: 	(C) THRUSTING
: 	(D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
: 	(E) EXTENDED
: 	(F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
: 	(G) SEMPRENI
: 
	D B C A B F G
: 19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
: 	MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
: 	CHAPMAN?
	Oh, err, you know.... the one on TV.... um..
: 20) YOUR FANTASY?
	See alt.sex.childrens.page
: 21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?
	Writ of
: 22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?
	Poached harsichord in a white wine sauce
: 23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES
	Octarine x 2
: 24) HEIGHT
	6'3"
: 25) WEIGHT
	>7lb
: 26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
	See alt.sex.childrens.page
: 27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?
	Single
: 28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?
	Treadmill
: 29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?
	Cruchy Frog
: 30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
: 	WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)
	Depends who the nude lady is.....
: 31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?
	Please fondle my buttocks
: 32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?
	My nipples explode with delight
: 33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
	Drop your panties Sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime
: 34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)
	Hers
: 35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?
	Why are you still reading my crappy answers
: 
: =============================================================================
: 
: Your application will be considered by the grand lodge membership commitee
: who will imform you whether you have been accepted or not.
: 
: Some current members:
: 
: 	csg188@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the grand high wizard)
: 	jbrett@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the master of the apron)
: 	csg191@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the high priest)
: 	mbassing@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the high priestess)
: 	csg165@cch.coventry.ac.uk (lord of the desert, watcher over the
: 				masonic brotherhood, keeper of the sacred
: 				apron, owner of the magic nipple and
: 				manufacturer of lemon curry and spam)
: 	meh063@cch.coventry.ac.uk (master of the silly walk)
: 
: Finally, a meeting for new members will be held in "Bullys bar" in the
: students union at Coventry University on Friday 20th Nov at 2.15pm.
: If you can attend then please e-mail me or one of the other members as we need
: to know numbers.
: 
: 		FROM....
: 
: 			MR 'X'...
: 
: 
Newsgroups: alt.fan.monty-python