From: earhard@ug.cs.dal.ca (Mark Earhard)
Subject: Re: We /all/ have it easier than we think
Keywords: Life, Dating
Organization: Math, Stats & CS, Dalhousie University, Halifax, NS, Canada
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1992 14:29:22 GMT

In article <BzMu5u.HxE@news.udel.edu> helie@bach.udel.edu (Ray Helie) writes:
>earhard@ug.cs.dal.ca (Mark Earhard) writes:
> 
>" ... I'd have to agree with Sharon that
>  it's a man's world when it comes to dating.  There seems to be a fundamental 
>
>I'll have to argue against that one.  But you are right, there is
>a problem with some people's perceptions of how dating works.  8-)
>Mine used to be a mess -- now it's just choatic.

Good to hear... :)

>The bottom line is, both men and women have it much easier than 
>they think.  When we stop treating the dating situation as the
>main thing going on in our lives, and start living our lives
>more fully, then attempts at dating become nothing more than 
>one more way of experiencing the awesome diversity that life has to 
>offer.

This is a very good point, and I'm only sorry that I saw it at the end
of your post than at the beginning, because it would have saved me a
tremendous amount of work! 

Your post came off as if you thought this was the case right now, and
in a perfect society this would be wonderful.  Until we achieve this
state of enlightenment, however, we are going to have to deal with the
present.

If your thesis is "Wouldn't it be terrific if this was the case" then
I fully agree.  If you think this is the case now "People have all these
options" then you are correct, but there is a tremendous amount of
social pressure not to take them.


>I hope this didn't feel like an attack.  You've made a lot of good
>points, and I simply disagree with some of them.  If you see any 
>holes in what I've said (and I'm sure there are some), or you disagree
>with me, go for it!  8-)  We are dealing with opinions, after all ...

The only hole I see is that most of your ideas come from an ideal situation
where people live full and happy lives without relationships.  I think
this is possible, but not on a grand scale.  There are lots of people out
there who live full, wonderful lives on their own, but the bulk of society
thinks something is wrong with it if it can't get a date.

As for the power in the dating game, I see your point that in a egalitarian
society both parties would have equil power in the "callback" stage, but
as for right now I think men have the option.  Yes, the woman has the
option to reject him when he calls her back, but so what?  Women are are
just as allowed to reject men as men are to reject women.

What a lot of the winers in this newsgroup don't realize is that it's
ok for someone not to be attracted to you.  That doens't make them
an evil person (daily affirmation anyone?).  I've been rejected by
lots of people (some of them I have *no* idea why), and sometimes
in pretty nasty ways, but hey!  that's part of life, just like smog,
TV, mace, and 5:30am work crews.


>Ray  8-)
>Life /is/ great, isn't it!?!

Shore is!

Marcus.
-- 
__
Mark Earhard -      earhard@ug.cs.dal.ca -       05marcus@ac.dal.ca
Reclaimer:  GIVE ME THAT BACK THIS INSTANT!      BRING THE NOISE!
Newsgroups: soc.singles