HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: porta@wam.umd.edu (David Delaney Palmer)
Subject: Re: dealing with love and losing
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 17:28:07 GMT

	As hard as this sounds, I will say it anyway.
Let her go because 9 times out of 10 LD relatioships split apart.
This is true especially if people are going to two different campuses.
Remember the good times, but get on with a new life.  Nothing is 
more frustrating than to be in love with someone you can't see 95%
of the time.  It will sap your life energy out of you.

                                    Blessed be
                                     David

-- 
call david@cscwam,cville,wor,avw
 -  a quote here
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu (Sharon O'Neil)
Subject: Re: How do you win someone back.
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 03:30:59 GMT

burtt@cycvax.nscl.msu.edu (BRIAN BURTT) writes:

>In article <BzC4uB.IJp@mentor.cc.purdue.edu>, alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( ) writes...
>>In article <92349.181945IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU (World Leader) writes:
>>>If any of you have succeeded at this, let me know how you
>>>did it!!!  I've tried expensive gifts and everything.  I am
>>>at the end of my rope.  I was going to be married to my man in
>>>April...I love him dearly.
>>>
>>>Andie.
>> 
>>Naturally, I'll get flamed beyond comprehension for saying this, but
>>the point is: you don't try.  I lost someone I believed I loved a few
>>years back when they went out with someone else, and I hurt myself
>>very badly by trying to get them back.  If they really want to come
>>back, they will.  If they don't there's no way you can *make* them
>>love you.  "If you love someone, let them go.  If they come back,
>>they're yours, if not, they never were."  It's time to start deciding
>>where things went wrong and ask yourself if you really want to fix
>>them.  It's possible you may hurt yourself more by trying to get
>>him back and being rejected, than to move on and let him come back in
>>his own time. 

>	Alex,
>	I agree wholehearted with your response.  The question I would
>like to ask (to the group at large) is, is there any way to satisfy
>the aching need to do _something_ , or just sit still and go 
>insane?

First of all, I agree with Alex: if you love someone, sometimes it means
letting that person go.  You can't make someone love you.  

As for Brian's question: is there any way to satisfy the aching need to do
_something_?  Well, yes.  I've done quite a bit in the two months since I 
broke up with my former SO.  I decided to go for some things I'd put off in
my life for a while.  He and I broke up on a Monday.  By Friday, I had a 
new job and a new (higher) salary.  I finally learned how to drive -- after
living in the dorms all those years -- and got a car.  I went out and bought
new clothes and have been working on generally spoiling myself rotten.  

Actually, the break-up was probably good for me.  :-) 

As for the aching need to do _something_ -- I still have it.  And what I've
been trying to do is find a way to channel that feeling productively.  I 
rebounded with another guy for a while and that /definitely/ was not the 
way to go about things.  So, my advice is: don't rush right out and 
immediately find a new guy.  I'd really love to do some type of volunteer
work -- I just need to find something I can do during the evenings or on
the weekends.  I have a friend who is a Big Sister and I think that's cool.
I don't want to do that, but I might try volunteering at a crisis center or
someplace like that.  

Sharon
oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( )
Subject: Re: Save Me!
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 14:32:14 GMT

In article <Dec15.172834.43218@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU> gregk@longs.LANCE.ColoState.Edu (Gregory Krueger) writes:
>In article <0096505A.E137AF00@Msu.oscs.montana.edu>, oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>|> We all know women who have rescue fantasies (Prince Charming'll come along and
>|> take me away from all this, etc.), but do men ever have "rescuer" fantasies?
>|> 
>|> Do men ever want to "sweep a girl off her feet"?  
>
>Granted I am not every man, but yes, "sweeping a girl off her feet" is 
>definately something that I would consider cool to do.  It just seems
>so hard to do amymore, what with all the movies destroying romance and
>stuff like that.  I ocasionally have rescuer fantasies too.  They just
>kind of seem to come from the old society norms that we all know about...
>
Sweeping a girl off their feet?  Oh yes!  It's fun, especially when
you just pick them up and flop them into a pile of cushions or
a soft couch and then tickle them mercilessly!  

                                                  -Alex

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Warning:  This has been written by a noted Cynic and may be hazardous
          to your mental stability.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: what is love? (my $0.02)
Keywords: love
Date: 14 Dec 92 18:50:14 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <lyra.724275329@camelot> lyra@camelot.bradley.edu (Heather Loresch) writes:
[ edited for brevity ]
>well, that's my life's philosophy! i'd love to hear how some of you
>react to it. do you agree, disaggree, see a point that you think isn't
>quite right? let me know! i'm interested in hearing responses!
>
Well, it sounds reasonably close to my philosophy, so I would
have a hard time disagreeing. Love is a word with way too many
meanings, which sometimes confuses people when the speak.

I agree that you can feel loving and be loving toward many 
people (toward just about everyone, I think). That is good
and you should encourage yourself to do that. But you can
only be committed to a few people. 

Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: brownea@cc.uvcc.edu
Subject: Re: forgiveness
Organization: Utah Valley Community College
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 19:10:14 GMT

>>>adwright@iastate.edu () writes:
>>>
>>	have a right to expect fidelity.  Infidelity, no matter
>>	how blatant or discreet, is a form of emotional abuse, and
> 
> Does anyone else think this sounds a little harsh?  We, as humans, are
> fallible, we make mistakes... I don't think "abuse" really applies, unless this
> is some sort of pattern in the relationship.
	_I_ think abuse is intentional.

|===   You have no choice in the matter, so you may as well give in   ===|
|===   and just be yourself.                                          ===|
From: robinsonm@clvax1.cl.msu.edu (Admiral Robinson)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Romantic Relationships and Friendships
Date: 20 Dec 92 23:22:52 GMT
Reply-To: robinsonm@clvax1.cl.msu.edu
Organization: Starfleet Command - Terran Empire
NNTP-Posting-Host: clvax1.cl.msu.edu
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.3-4

In article <v4j2-9+@rpi.edu>, petitc@nuge115.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes...
>collins@blkbox (Chad R. Collins) writes:
> 
>>kchin@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Ken H Chin) writes:
> 
>>	I agree completely with the idea that romance should develope out
>>of friendship, however, I have found that it usually doesnt work out. I
>>find that while I may look at friendship as a possible lead into romance,
>>most of the time my partner usually thinks that I am just not interested and
>>looks elsewhere for romance. *Sigh* It usually means that I end up with 
>>alot of good friendships, but ones that cannot develope past that point.
>>Anyone figured out a good way around this problem?
> 
>  Perhaps you should subtly let her know you are interested.  Not outright, but
>subtly.

Define subtly....

* Robinson

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Michael A. Robinson      | "Oh my beloved ice cream bar, how I love to lick |
| English Department       | your creamy center."                             |
| Michigan State University|    -- Ren, "Space Madness"                       |
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,alt.romance.chat
From: rip@sequent.com (Paul T Taylor)
Subject: Re: More, Do Not try this at home .....
Organization: Sequent Computer Systems, Inc.
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 14:30:18 GMT

In article <Bz2DxD.6C5@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> epperson@pop.stat.purdue.edu (Mary) writes:
>In article <1992Dec10.184128.7183@sequent.com> rip@sequent.com (Paul T Taylor) writes:
>>Drieux, I think these people are saying that we are not to be trusted,
>>or trussed for that matter....  Ok, everyone!  What possible reason
>>would drieux and I have for lying?  I mean if you can't truss us, who
>>who *can* you truss?
>>
>>rip
>
>You mean people can truss you??  And in what form would you like that?
>And if anyone's going to "truss" Drieux, I think they'd better speak
>to Diana first... :-)
>
>Mary


Sure truss away!  And I trussed drieux, (sure fun!) and I truss blade
as far as I can throw him!

rip
-- 
Grab reality by the balls, and squeeze...

                                        Tempus
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: amorgan@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Crunchy Frog)
Subject: Re: Epilogue to Fred & Wilma
Keywords: scrooge love fred wilma flintstones barney dumped
Organization: Computer Science Department, Stanford University.
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 00:48:47 GMT

In article <1gcfjqINNs3c@agate.berkeley.edu> 
  bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan) writes:

>Which leads me to my next question:
>How morally ethical does the a.r.netland feel about the following situation
>(not yet a personal problem, just want to know in case it does come up)
>Say your friend is dating someone you find attractive. (we'll call him
>B and her, C)
>Say C finds you attractive.

Wow.  This *is* a hypothetical situation.  Continue.

>What would you do if C asks you to go out with her in a more than just
>friends situation?

Nope.

>What would you do if you felt like asking C out in a more than just friend
>way?
>Would you ask C out?

Same answer.

>Would you ask her out if C breaks up with A because of you?
>Would you ask her out if C breaks up with A not because of you?

Maybe.  I regard relationships as being 'sacred ground' and don't
mess with them.  If I was in a relationship I wouldn't be overwhelmed
with my SO scoping out the rest of the community for possible alternate
lust-puppies (tm) so I make it a point not to get involved with
those situations.  If someone is not in a relationship then no
problem.  Your mileage may vary.
 
>*	William H. Chan		<bhchan@ocf.berkeley.edu> 	*

C Frog
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ccamfiel@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu (Christopher Camfield)
Subject: Re: Save Me!
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 17:34:31 GMT

In article <oneil.724335041@cwis> oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu (Sharon O'Neil) writes:
>oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>For me, love is something that starts slowly, but endures.  Love at first
>sight isn't really love: it is infatuation.  It burns, but it burns quickly,
>and then is gone.  Infatuation doesn't last.  Love does.

Voice of personal experience:  infatuation (unrequited) can last much much 
too long...  very dangerous.
-- 
Christopher Camfield (ccamfiel@undergrad.math.uwaterloo.ca)

The afternoon has gently passed me by
Evening spreads its sail against the sky... (The Police)
From: mwoo@pyrnova.mis.pyramid.com (Margaret Woo)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Need romantic way to propose
Date: 19 Dec 92 01:59:37 GMT
Reply-To: mwoo@pyrnova.pyramid.com.pyramid.com (Margaret Woo)
Organization: Pyramid Technology Corporation

>In article <kilborn.724541562@vincent2.iastate.edu> kilborn@iastate.edu (Scott E Kilborn) writes:
>>Well, here goes:
>>
>>I am planning on asking my SO the big question soon and I need
>>some suggestions on neat ways to ask her.  I am hoping to not
>>spend a lot of money on this (i.e. no airplane banners, etc.)
>>but I want it to be something she will remember forever.
>>
>>Scott Kilborn
>

A friend of mine took his bride-to-be out to dinner.  He arranged the ring
to be placed on a dessert tray and presented to her with a number of 
desserts.  The waiter came around with the desserts and said to the 
woman, "would you like anything on this tray?"  My friend then proposed to
her.

Sigh.

Margaret
From: bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Poems
Date: 17 Dec 1992 08:47:23 GMT
Organization: U.C. Berkeley, CS Undergraduate Association
NNTP-Posting-Host: soda.berkeley.edu

2 Christmas poems that I found in my friend's account.
I hope she doesn't mind my posting these, but I thought
they should be shared.  
Disclaimer: I'm not sure if she wrote these herself, so
	I'm not really sure to whom the attribution goes.
	Just enjoy it as written by anon (my fave poet)

#1

And every year at Christmas time the spirit comes
The cold wind brings back memories of the two of us
And I remember sitting by the fire
Snowing outside we'd light the candles together
Decorate the tree
Sing a carol or two
I'd hang a mistletoe as an excuse to kiss you

And the warmth feel like Christmas without you
And the colors of Christmas have gone from white to blue
No more holiday cheers 
Just tear after tear
Christmas without you

And now you're gone 
This season has no meaning to me
'Cos you've brightened my life 
Just like a star on a Christmas tree
And when I get sad from thinking of you
I'd pray to God and hope you're happy too
And though you are so far away
It's comforting to know
We'll spend Christmas together someday

#2

It's that special time of year
and I'm so glad you're here with me
forever
There's no place that I'd rather be
and with you by the Christmas tree
together

A choir of angels
The brightest star above
There's so many things
I'm dreaming of

You make Christmas feels like heaven
When snowflakes start to fall
I hear your spirit calls
'Cos you make Christmas feels like heaven
When I look into your eyes
that's when I realize
Oh, I'm in heaven

A time to reach and touch someone
To give some hope where there is none
just sorrow
A dream for every girl and boy
A time to spread the Christmas joy
for tomorrow
-- 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
*	Billy H. Chan		<bhchan@ocf.berkeley.edu> 	*
*	Lost at Cal!!!   	<bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu>	*
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: The Scariest Words In The World?
From: soswald@charlie.usd.edu
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 18:07:09 GMT
Reply-To: soswald@charlie.usd.edu
  > <c60a-gx.723531535@danube.Berkeley.EDU>,<100642@netnews.upenn.edu> 
 <00964ACF.4BB77B80@Msu.oscs.montana.edu>,<aland.723848000@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu>
Organization: The University of South Dakota Computer Science Dept.

In article <aland.723848000@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu>, aland@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Alan D.) writes:
>oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>>In article <100642@netnews.upenn.edu>, pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo) writes:
>
>>>How about this one -- I wouldn't wish it on anyonein the world, especially 
>>>if you're hearing it from someone who means a lot:
>
>>>"I have to tell you about something I've done, and I think you're going to
>>> leave me because of it."
>
>>>or, simply put:
>
>>>"I cheated on you."
>
>>Why do people feel that they have to tell?
>
>Because otherwise it will stand between you for as long as you are in
>the relationship.  And, if you are "an honest person," could you
>forgive yourself for keeping something something so important from
>someone you presumably love?
>
>>Scenario:  I cheat on my RP.  I feel terrible.  I tell him.  I feel much 
>>better.  It's a load off my shoulders.
>
>>But, now...who feels terrible?  My RP.
>
>And, presumably, you for causing the problem.  But if you care about
>each other, you will work together to deal with it.
>
>>Never, ever tell.  You did it, you live with it.
>
>You did it, you live with it forever.  You tell your SO, you give him
>or her the chance to forgive you and then the two of you can get on
>with your lives, if that's what you want.
>
>>My $.02.
>
>My .02 too...
>

What happens if you don't tell your SO and he/she finds out?  Don't you think
that this could potentially do more harm to trust and the relationship than it 
(oops) if the SO's would have talked it out in the first place?

The other thing to remember (any way, what I've observed ) is that once a
person has crossed that path . . . . it becomes easier and easier to visit that
path again as a solution to what ever the problem was in the first place.  

Just me -    Sandy
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,alt.romance.chat
From: boatman@osiris.cso.uiuc.edu (Todd Boatman)
Subject: Re: More, Do Not try this at home .....
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 22:08:15 GMT

epperson@pop.stat.purdue.edu (Mary) writes:

>In article <1992Dec14.173735.8755@b8.b8.ingr.com> larry@b8.b8.ingr.com (Larry Billings) writes:
>>>I explained:
>>> And it was soooo much fun watching these two do ManlyMenStuff...that's
>>> what those muscles are for guys... *grin*
>>> 
>>> Mary
>>
>>Damn!  I thought they were for sweeping women off their feet.  :)
>>
>>Larry

>Well, they're for that too Larry!!  Sweeping us off our feet, moving
>heavy furniture around, carrying doors down the steps (watch out for
>the light fixture!!).


>Mary

Wow. I thought they were for squezzzzing your love one late at night.  ;-)

Todd


-- 
It's a 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full | Todd
tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes,    | The Official Detective of the
it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.   | RFA
Hit it.  --Jake and Elwood                 | boatman@osiris.cso.uiuc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@vccnw05.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Seduction Question
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 04:57:11 GMT

>Hi all nitter friends,

>I have a simple question to all women and men of all ages.

>Seduction! A game we all play at some point, and some of us -if not all-
>enjoy being the subject.

  Certainly.  I'd enjoy it very much.  :&)

>My question to you all of all ages is, what do you consider as the most
>turn-on and erotic way of seducing the opposite sex. Put it another way,
>if Genie came to you to grant you one, and only one, wish to be seduced.
>How do you wish it to be done? 

  I decided to post 'cuz it gets more dynamic feedback:

  I think that just simple touching and kissing can be VERY powerful, if
properly done.  By 'properly done' I mean something like this:

  Slowly, she runs her fingers along my arm, in gentle, sensous curves, while
taking my hand in hers and caressing the palm with her fingers (yes, she has
two arms :&) ).  Then, a few simple kisses which lead to the more intimate,
longer lasting variety where tongues caress each other in tight embraces...

  See what I mean?  I think that's very powerful.








-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
Cynicism is only realism projected into the future.
If your fondest wish is to fly, don't draw up plans for flippers.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: what is love? (my $0.02)
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 03:01:53 GMT

Heather Loresch (lyra@camelot.bradley.edu) wrote:

: well i have to clear this up. i don't run around saying to everyone
: that i love them. i won't say it unless i mean it. as someone said
: when they emailed me about this, saying the words implies a
: commitment. i have a few people i love, very dear friends who i trust
: with my life, and even more, with my secrets and my feelings. to them,
: i say that i love them quite often. it takes a lot to get to that
: point tho. i have to have a commitment to that person as a close
: friend, or more. love is not a word i casually toss around, i just
: don't believe in focusing ALL my love at one person. that would
: deprive me of so much joy in life, and it tends to get stifling. i
: hope i have cleared this up a bit

As Sanaya Roman said in one of her books "Loving people is a committment to
holding a high vision of them, even as time and familiarity take their toll."
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

Who and what would you be if you went beyond your deepest fears?
From: bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu (Billy H. Chan)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Epilogue to Fred & Wilma
Date: 12 Dec 1992 10:40:58 GMT
Organization: U.C. Berkeley, CS Undergraduate Association
NNTP-Posting-Host: soda.berkeley.edu
Keywords: scrooge love fred wilma flintstones barney dumped

In article <Bz3MD4.GH2@acsu.buffalo.edu> v119qkv2@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (POE) writes:
>	Time out!  Before we pass judgement, let's define "decline".  
From part one of this mini-fred-series, the declines were defined as
"sorry, don't feel like going [at all, not just now]" if I remember 
right.

>clue up eventually.  If not and he starts following her around 24 hrs a day,
>shoot him or try to get him interested in Betty :-).
HEY!  Thou shall not covet(sp?) another man's wife! 

Which leads me to my next question:
How morally ethical does the a.r.netland feel about the following situation
(not yet a personal problem, just want to know in case it does come up)
Say your friend is dating someone you find attractive. (we'll call him
B and her, C)
Say C finds you attractive.
What would you do if C asks you to go out with her in a more than just
friends situation?
What would you do if you felt like asking C out in a more than just friend
way?
Would you ask C out?
Would you ask her out if C breaks up with A because of you?
Would you ask her out if C breaks up with A not because of you?

(that should be sufficient to start a new thread going)
-- 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
*	William H. Chan		<bhchan@ocf.berkeley.edu> 	*
*	Lost at Berkeley   	<bhchan@soda.berkeley.edu>	*
-----------------------------------------------------------------
From: burtt@cycvax.nscl.msu.edu (BRIAN BURTT)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How do you win someone back.
Date: 16 Dec 92 22:10:00 GMT
Organization: NSCL Michigan State University
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <BzC4uB.IJp@mentor.cc.purdue.edu>, alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( ) writes...
>In article <92349.181945IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU (World Leader) writes:
>>If any of you have succeeded at this, let me know how you
>>did it!!!  I've tried expensive gifts and everything.  I am
>>at the end of my rope.  I was going to be married to my man in
>>April...I love him dearly.
>>
>>Andie.
> 
>Naturally, I'll get flamed beyond comprehension for saying this, but
>the point is: you don't try.  I lost someone I believed I loved a few
>years back when they went out with someone else, and I hurt myself
>very badly by trying to get them back.  If they really want to come
>back, they will.  If they don't there's no way you can *make* them
>love you.  "If you love someone, let them go.  If they come back,
>they're yours, if not, they never were."  It's time to start deciding
>where things went wrong and ask yourself if you really want to fix
>them.  It's possible you may hurt yourself more by trying to get
>him back and being rejected, than to move on and let him come back in
>his own time.
>               
>                                                 -Alex
>Flames Accepted, Stupidity Ignored.
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>Warning:  This post has been written by a noted Cynic and may be
>          Dangerous to your mental stability.
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 

	Alex,
	I agree wholehearted with your response.  The question I would
like to ask (to the group at large) is, is there any way to satisfy
the aching need to do _something_ , or just sit still and go 
insane?

--Brian Burtt