From: monaghn@garnet.berkeley.edu (Mara Monaghan)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Females have it easy!
Date: 18 Dec 1992 21:55:26 GMT
Organization: The hospital for the terminally wierd
NNTP-Posting-Host: esb1mac18.berkeley.edu


In article <1992Dec18.151557.24143@rchland.ibm.com>,
>bill@rchland.vnet.ibm.com () writes:
 
* In article <1grgmiINNq52@agate.berkeley.edu>,
* monaghn@garnet.berkeley.edu (Mara Monaghan) writes:

> > In article <1992Dec17.154039.14407@cbfsb.cb.att.com>,
> > > sms@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (steven.m.stein) writes:
> > 
> >   > >In article <JoeMan.7.724562272@> JoeMan@ (Joe Tooman) writes:

> >   > >Not to bitch or anything, but it seems to me that the
> >   > >female does not have any problem finding a guy anytime
> >   > >she feels like she wants a relationship.

> >   > >As a guy, I find that it is very hard to find
> >   > >a female that seems intrested.
> >   > >Joe Tooman aa422@cleveland.freenet.edu 

* Interested in you (as a person) or in going out with
* you. Some of us female types prefer knowing a guy 
* before going out on a "date."  It might be your 
*technique is wrong for the females you find interesting.
  
> > > I have also found this to be somewhat true, BUT,
> > > 
> > > although women do seem to be approached on a
> > > sometime daily or weekly basis, their problem
> > > is weeding through all the offers for a man who
> > > meets their standards.
> > >
> > > atleast with us guys, we only approach those we
> > > already feel interested in knowing.  

* I think this topic is already being addressed in
* another thread, so I'll skip it 

> > > In other words, women may have to deal with 20 men
> > > before she is approached by one she's attracted to,
> > > whereas we could luck out after the 8th or 9th approach.
 
* Your generalizations are inaccurate for
* the "average woman.  This is, of course,
* my humble opinion and is based on my own 
* past experience and that of my friends.
* (BTW I am including our years as college
* students).  None of us would make the 
* cover of Vogue, but we are attractive,
*
* So if your generalization is wrong
* (re: weekly offers) and the women you
* "approach" are not overwhelmed with other
* offers, why are you having to approach 8
* or 9 women before you "luck out" ?
> 
> Time out, here. Mara, your observations are based on your experiences,
> as Steve's are on his. Maybe the dating situation (and general social
> protocal ?) are vastly different where each of you live. Where I live
> here, most of my female friends are approached at LEAST once or twice a
> week. A friend of mine lives in Wisconsin, and she hasen't been asked
> out or apporached in months. Don't bash the guy until you understand his
> local dating climate.

Granted, local conditions will vary, but making
generalizations based on his own locality and posting
them on the net *is* going to generate replies
containing opposing veiws/conditions. I am not
"bashing him" by posting "my humble opinion,"
"based on my own past experience and that of
my friends"; I am merely showing the other side
of the coin.

* (BTW, what do you mean by "approaching",
* "luck out", and "offers"? Just curious)
* I think this ties into my earlier comment
* about the technique being inappropriate for
           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
* the women involved.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
* Are you trying get to know them or just pick 'em up?

This is the *important* thing: Could his
manner/techinque/method be turning women off?
His saying that women get so many offers that they
"weed thru" them, sounds like he's rationalizing
what is happening. (This isn't bashing him either:
We all rationalize problems when we don't want to
face them. Rationalizing isn't going to help him
get a date, though). He needs to find someone he
trusts who can observe what's going on in these
encounters.  It could be that his body language
is contradicting what his mouth is saying. Maybe
he is missing what their body language is saying
when he approaches them. You can't tell what's
happening from someone's posting.  Maybe he's
trawling in the wrong sea for the wrong fish,
or maybe he just needs to change his nets.  He
just needs to look at his method.

A case in point:
A pal in Seattle did the Seattle to Portland Bicycle
Race last year and he later told me that he talked to
his boss' ex-girlfriend at one of the last rest stops.
She was giving out her business cards to men she found
"interesting". She wanted to find a new lover.  She
figured that this was the perfect way for her to
meet a lot men who were in excellent shape
(bicycle shorts being very revealing) and had lotsa
stamina.  She knew that a lot of men consider her too
aggressive.  She felt that this kind of introduction
was a sorting method: 
The men who didn't like her method of introduction 
wouldn't call her and the men who did call would
be more likely to like an aggressive woman.

Now I wouldn't use her method myself and I would
be put off by a man using a similiar method, but
it is an example of a thought out method of meeting
MOTOS.  She knew what she was doing and how it
would come across.   

* Mara   (Of course I *could* be wrong about the "offer"
* a week thing and with one week left in the year,I
* *could* be "approached" by 52 men who want to make
* me an "offer" and "luck out." I wonder if having them
* fill out applications would be too tacky?

> No, if you were wrong, you wouldn't have to resort to applications, but
> you would become MUCH more discriminating when it comes to dating.

It was a joke, the smiley was omitted
because I forgot about H.I. among us.

An explanation for the Humor Impared (tm):
I meant that I could make that the average
of 1 offer a week by having 52 men approach
me in this coming week.  Having them fill out
applications would, of course, assist in
the weeding out process. 

* Ooh, I better buy more egg nog and cups!
> 
> Naw, if you lived around here, you'd reuqest the guy to pick up the tab
> for the egg nog.	
 > bill the cat....

Actually, I was thinking about having all 52
men over my house for eggnog. That way my
cats can do the weeding out for me.
:-)
Mara
Newsgroups: soc.singles,soc.women,soc.men,ba.singles