From: gavron@spades.aces.com (Ehud Gavron 602-570-2000 x. 2546)
Newsgroups: vmsnet.employment
Subject: Re: Oh, this just makes me raise an eyebrow !!!!
Date: 16 Nov 92 13:13:00 GMT
Reply-To: gavron@ACES.COM
Organization: ACES Consulting Inc.
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.4-b1

In article <1e7ktqINN19q@menudo.uh.edu>, SINARRWB@admin.uh.edu (BELL, ROBERT W.) writes...
# 
#        Are VMS employment opportunities so sad ?????   Why don't I 
#    much action here ?? Crrrryyyyyyy...snifff..  I hope this is
#    not a reflection apon the demand for VMS peoples !!!!!  That
#    would bother me... :^(

JOB OPENING ANNOUNCEMENT IN THE VMS WORLD 

An old and established-in-its ways company is looking for morons to sit in our
customer service department and deal with users.  Must be overweight, slow,
a gossipmonger, and have the ability to drone on about extremely
boring things for long periods of time.  Ability to handle lots of 
stress for the personal reward of helping people is preferred.

REQUIRED: Ability to interact with morons and geniuses, as most of our
	  customers are morons, and most of our tech staff are geniuses.
	  Lack of a brain is a must.  Ph.D. required (you did know that
	  you can't do diddly without one, right?).  Must have published
	  articles in Dr. Kilobyte's Journal, as well as have had Jerry
	  Pournelle bless your home PC configuration.  Should have bad
	  taste in personal hygiene, clothes, and prefer American beer.

DESIRED:  Should be able to kiss ass extremely well, particularly when
	  talking to company officials, clients, users, and, well, 
	  everyone.  Should be able to take lots of abuse, memos, red
	  tape, sexual harrassment, intimidation, and paycuts (it's a
	  tough economy) with no complaints.  Remember, if you're 
	  rocking the boat, you can't be rowing very well.  We're a
	  team here, and that means that we don't tolerate newbies.

We're team players.  We all try to shoot the basket by ourselves.
We're a big happy family.  Incest doesn't happen cause we hate each other.
Great benefit plan.  If you die early we send your spouse a faux-gold watch.
Wellness center.  It's a big room, and you look around, put hands on hips, and
say "Well well well" all you want.  Sometimes we allow this twice a day.
Holidays.  If we take them off, you work harder to make up for us being gone.
Unlimited sick time.  If you take more than two days, come back for your stuff.
Corporate environment.  We'll stick you and we've got lawyers on staff to make
sure we do it right the first and the second and the third time.

#    Bob Bell
#    Programmer/Analyst (VMS :^)
#    University of Houston, System
#    Instituitional Advancement Services

Must know how to code in PL/1 on NOS, as well as COBOL under CTSS,
and have personally shaken the hand of Bill Hancock, and the scum
of DECUS management who screwed up yet again with the trade show.

Ehud

--
Ehud Gavron        (EG76)     
gavron@aces.com

p.s. For you morons who read this in school without bothering to engage
     your brain, this is not REALLY a job announcement.  See, this is
     one of things we call `a spoof.'  See that?  See how it's LIKE an
     ad only DIFFERENT?  That special quality is called IRONY.  Can you
     spell that?  Good!  Now go away and learn Unix so I have less 
     competition.