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Date:         Wed, 4 Nov 1992 12:24:56 -0800
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              bennett@MILTON.U.WASHINGTON.EDU
From:         Thomas Bennett <bennett@U.WASHINGTON.EDU>
Subject:      Re: Alex at kindergarten

Dan,

I understand your frustration at the socialization problem. Please let me
know if you find a solution. My son is 16, and at this point that is
probably his number one problem. I went to watch one of his soccer games a
couple of weeks ago, and when I arrived at the field, instead of standing
on the side with his team, he was climbing on top of the backstop at the
far end of the field. I ordered him down and told him to go stand with his
team. He did so (I thought) and I followed him, but after about 10
minutes I realized we were standing with the opposing team on the wrong
side of the field. Even now, when I go to the games, the other kids on the
team refer to that incident and ask me wy Karl does weird things like
that.

Karl is very concerned that he "looks and talks weird." We try to tell him
that the only thing weird about him is his behavior, but he can control
that and is the only one who can control that. So far that hasn't helped.
When he was young, we concentrated primarily on his language, as that
appeared to be the overriding problem. I wish we had thought more about
the socializing, as now it is his major problem and we haven't been able
to find a solution for it. You are smart to be concerned about it now and
make something happen.

Tom Bennett

On Wed, 4 Nov 1992, Daniel Mont wrote:

> Nanette went and observed Alex at kindergarten today.  I am so angry
> I can't stand it.
>
> We were told that he was doing fine....much better.  And from their
> point of view I think he is.  He is better "behaved" and causing fewer
> problems.  But he is very disassociated from the other kids in his class.
> At recess time, he spent the entire period pouring rocks through his
> fingers.  Three children came over and asked him to play but he
> just completely ignored them.  HOW LONG WILL THEY KEEP ASKING? This
> is our moment of opportunity to help Alex get integrated with the
> other children before he is labelled as a "weirdo" or "different"!
> Our IEP said we should get an aide but our school psychologist says
> Alex doesn't need one.  SHe says, "you have to convince me he needs one'
> Well, we misinterperted out IEP.  We thought the wording "a program aide"
> was nebulous enough that the school could define it any way
> they wanted to (Alex does have teachers who aid him in out of classroom
> time). But someone at the state level that we spoke with today
> says the wording is actually specific enough for us to demand an
> aide and claim that the aide was removed inappropriately.  We are
> having a teacher conference on Monday.  That will be our last attempt
> to request what Alex deserves.  I think Alex's teacher is
> a good teacher and reasonable and I hope that it works.  If not we
> will have to move into demand mode.  I am not good at that. I don't
> like conflict, but we'll have to do it for Alex's sake.  We also
> will get Alex's official diagnosis as autistic.  Our Special CHildren's
> Center and the Devlopmental Center in Syracuse classified him as
> autistic but our school system still calls him speech impaired.
> They require a diagnosis from a medical doctor.  So it is off to
> Syracuse! Hopefully, if they are forced to acknowledge Alex's
> autism he will get better attention.
>
> Right now there is NO attention being paid to his social development.
> I feel like ranting and raving or crying or something. I just
> can't take it.