From: reyy@vax5.cit.cornell.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Dealing with unreturned love
Date: 16 Apr 92 17:48:27 EDT
Distribution: world
Organization: Cornell University

Greetings,

I have something that I wish to at least get off my chest, and maybe
get a little advice at the same time.

Okay, there's this girl I was madly in love with over the summer.
There were four of us that did everything together: myself, my
best friend (Joe), the girl ("Sherry") and her best friend
("Sandy") (The girl's names are not their real names, you get
the idea..).

I had been interested in Sherry for some time, but she had
a boyfriend through maybe half the summer (semi-long-distance
thing), but then she broke up with him.  So we got closer
and closer.  She admitted to me a few months ago that at
this point in the summer she was attracted to me (also).
But for some reason she realized she wasn't interested in
a relationship, just really good friends.  So I was kind
of depressed.  She told me how she is always afraid of
relationships because her boyfriends never want to be 
friends afterwards (she told me this in general, not pertaining
to us, because apparently she had no idea I was in love 
with her.)

So I went back to school, depressed as hell, and wrote her
many, many long letters telling her how I felt.  (Too little
too late?)  So, eventually she found out how I felt.

Over the course of the school year, she dated a few people, 
and those didn't work out.  (I should shorten this a little,
it'll be much to long, otherwise).  So, I went home for
spring break and I find out that she's dating my best
friend, Joe (who I might add was "seeing" our other
friend, Sandy for awhile previous to Sherry).  Over spring
break it didn't really bother me, because I am over Sherry
now, and I'm happy for her and Joe.  But just recently I
was thinking about the whole situation, and realized that
the reasons I thought Sherry gave for not dating me cannot
be valid.  (i.e. afraid of losing a friend).

This is where it gets tricky, because it almost sounds like
I feel cheated, that she'll go out with all these other guys
but not me.  I really don't feel that way, but I do wonder
what is wrong with me?  She considers me a really good friend,
but she's not interested in a relationship.  I know that's
a valid position, but it hurts to think that I found someone
very close, someone that I love to be with, and she doesn't
feel the same.  And it hurts even more when she feels that
way about your best friend.  I don't blame her for anything,
or Joe.  But to think that she built up my self-esteem last
summer, and now (quite unknowingly) destroyed it, it's 
very confusing.

I assume this type of thing happens all the time, but when
I fell for her, I fell hard, and every time I think I've
picked up the pieces, I realize how much she means to me,
and I fall apart all over again.  I think it's really hard
to let go when you've seen too many movies where through
the tough times, but the other person comes around in the
end ("Some Kind of Wonderful").

So anyway, I'm crushed.  Is it alright if I feel a little
uncomfortable around her and Joe?  (She was really worried
because whenever a bunch of us would hang out, it usually
came down to just us three (Joe, Sherry, and myself), and
I would always leave, because I didn't know how I would
react.  She was worried that her relationship with Joe
might jeopardize my friendship with her..  at least that's
what I think she was worried about.)  

What do I do now?  Do I tell HER how I feel?  Sometimes
I'm afraid I tell her more than she wants to know.
I don't know, I'm just very confused.

(So much for making this short!)

David S. Rowell
REYY@Vax5.cit.cornell.edu
.sig available upon request

Newsgroups: alt.romance