From: v107smub@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (Balakrishn Nair)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Friends & lovers..
Date: 23 Jul 92 22:00:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41


In article <1992Jul23.175235.16141@jetsun.weitek.COM>, weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Weaver) writes...
>In article <1992Jul22.223013.9192@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> alangend@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Andrea D Langenderfer) writes:
>>In article <22101.1979225482@kcbbs.gen.nz> Rob_Tan@kcbbs.gen.nz (Rob Tan) write
>>s:
>>>Many peoplehave said that having a lover that has been a friend is really
>>>good & all that....
> 
>>For me it is not a choice that I am aware of, but it usually ends up that there
>>is this friend that I have known for awhile as strictly a friend(ie group 
>>activities, conversations about life in general, confide about relationships 
>>that have gone arye,ect). Then all of a sudden it hits me that I like this guy 
>>alot, that I would like to ask him out, that there is a strong attraction,ect.
>>
>This is the way it works for me too. Not always a friend, but always someone
>I have known long enough to have a really good idea what they are like.  I
>think this is one of those personality things.
> 
>>And it's ironic because I start thinking about him and when we first met and I
>>think "Gosh, I never wasn't attracted to him before in a romatic way". It is 
>>like I completely change my view of him. But usually by this time he thinks of 
>>me strictly as his friend, not a potential date. Sometimes I wonder if this guy 
>>even remember I am a female. It more like just my buddies. This has only 

I have experienced a similar situation except ofcourse it was a girl for me. To
be frank I was not really attracted to the person till now.  Well if the guy
was like Me, I suppose that you could still stand a chance of having a relation-
ship with him more than a 'friend' based one.  Good luck with it!


>>happened three times to me. For me,I think it has to do with
>>like him for who he is, qualities, habits, personality rather then for straight
>>out looks.
>>
>>my theory is that these guys have a time limit-if you aren't a potential date 
>>right off they never consider you again. Where as for me the more I know him 
>>they more attracted to him I am, and by then it's too late. I guess that is 
>>what timing is all about, but at this rate it may never work to the positive 
>>ending.

One way would be the direct approach (*where you really cant help it*) but
this might spoil your relationship.  I have heard that in case of women, it
is easier and men stay as friends (if they dont want to be anything more than
friends), but in case of men, i.e. when a man really likes to have a relation
ship more than a friend with a woman, I would suppose that she would less likely
be his friend, if he told her about it.. and she *doesnt* want to have anything
more than friends.

Any comments on this are most welcome.!  


>>
>I suppose there are some people who are literally like this, and can't fall
>for someone they already know. But I suspect (unfortunately, no success stories
>to tell) that in many cases, they just need a good push.
> 
>>That's just my input on the subject, sorry to sound negative but I am just 
>>getting over one of "friends" and it is has to be the most difficult by far.
>>Andi
>>
>I've been there. If you figure a way out of it, let me know.

As you can see.. I am there.. already.. and havent really told the person about
this situation.  I would suppose that staying friends would be the best solution
in my case... which is rather unfavourable.

> 
>Good Luck,
>Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance