From: clare@nynexst.com (Clare Chu)
Subject: Blaming Racism (was Re: What is Asian ?)
Organization: Nynex Science and Technology
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 92 15:07:49 GMT

In article <1992Nov19.182720.656@hspice.portal.com> georgew@hspice.portal.com (George Wu) writes:
>In article <24233@alice.att.com> jj@alice.UUCP (jj, curmudgeon and all-around grouch) writes:
>
>>Given the reception I got when I met my asian spouse's parents
>>for the first time, and the reception I see here occasionally
>>where it is suggested that "whites seek out asian females
>>because they think they are submissive", it's perhaps not

  Well that German guy who looks like Emilio Estevez is certainly
  no prize.

>>so surprising that whites stick together.  Perhaps
>>it's not even "sticking together", it's simply that
>>they aren't welcome elsewhere. (That's how it was presented to
>>me, most clearly and obviously.)
>
>     Well, there's always going to be some hostility when an interracial
>couple forms.  Having been introduced to numerous white parents (casually,
>not to announce an engagement), I can assure you the same reception can
>occur on this side of the equation.

  You're right there!  My sister's former boyfriend who is Jewish didn't
  reveal her identity to his parents.  Then when they found out, they said
  that under no circumstances could she attend his graduation party, or
  their relatives from Israel will walk out the door and get back on the
  plane.  Her boyfriend wanted her to go to make a point.  But she didn't
  feel like being the center of controversy so she didn't go and eventually
  broke up with him.  Now her mother-in-law (who is British) was exclaiming
  on our last visit about some mixed raced kids and what an abomination they
  are.  She said to my sister, "Thank goodness I already have my blonde
  grandchildren (she has 6 blondes, 1 redhead).  Oh and you and Michael
  aren't having any kids, are you?"  Since my sister is getting divorced now
  (well not at that time she wasn't), she's not going to have any kids with
  him, and I'm sure her mother-in-law (soon to be ex) is very happy and
  probably trying to arrange a marriage for him, as soon as the papers
  are final.

  These cases there was blatant racism.  But many times disapproval has
  nothing to do with racism.  But when it is an interracial couple, the
  easiest excuse is to blame racism.  I know because I blamed my parents
  for being racist against my Black boyfriend when in reality he was a
  drop-out, a militant who thought "whites were evil and the devil", a
  paranoid who thought that the FBI and CIA were out to get him, and finally
  went off the deep end and joined one of those radical splinter groups
  that live off in the desert.  Now if you were my parents, would you
  approve?  Especially since I told them everything about Brent, and his
  sayings.  If my parents were racist, would they have had him over for
  Thanksgiving, or had my friend Faith come over and stay with us?  Nah,
  but it was an easy excuse instead of facing up to the fact that he was
  not exactly a model citizen.  Anyway I got rid of him finally after talking
  to his mother and trying to get him to go home for psychological treatment.
  After that he accused me of being recruited for the FBI (of which is mother was
  supposedly an agent, she's a retired secretary for a public school), and
  made himself scarce.  Whew!

  I had another friend who was Black and dating a surf bum (white) who smoked
  pot and surfed all day long.  Her parents didn't approve of him and he
  blamed racism, when in reality this Black friend's mom wanted her to date
  white guys.  In fact this person's mother is an embarrassment.  She's
  always exhorting her daughters to date white guys.  But of course she
  didn't approve of this guy who was a surf bum, so he turns around and
  blames racism.  Sometimes you got to look at the situation and look at
  the parties involved.  I don't tend to blame racism when I can find another
  reason.  For example, one of my friends got a C on her essay and immediately
  said that the professor was racist.  I read her essay and it was disorganized
  and didn't make a point.  Now IF that professor gave ALL Black students
  low grades, then that professor was being racist.  But since that wasn't
  the case, blaming racism just offered an easy way out for my friend without
  her taking any healthy criticism to improve herself.  Too many times, when
  you immediately see racism in everyday interactions, you're missing out
  on constructive criticism.  If your boss warns you about a report you did,
  instead of looking at your work, you call him a racist, how can you improve?
  I'd only blame racism if I saw consistent ill-treatment to people of my
  race (other than just myself), and/or blatant remarks against members of
  other races made in front of me (like when someone says bad things about Hispanics).
  Or when someone says stuff about Asians and then turns around and says,
  "Oh, but you're not like them, I meant the F.O.B.'s."  (that's racism).
  A consistent pattern against certain groups of people indicates racism,
  a consistent pattern of hostility towards me just indicates that they dislike me.
>
Xref: sparky soc.culture.asian.american:10079 soc.culture.bangladesh:5933 soc.culture.indian:37112 soc.culture.pakistan:16714 alt.discrimination:4635