From: hoan@moe.net.com (-Dinh Hoa`n)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.vietnamese
Subject: [joke] student bloopers
Date: 22 Jul 92 17:15:46 GMT

Repost with permission from a friend.  You'll like it.

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One of the fringe benefits of being an English or history teacher is 
receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. 
I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from 
certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers from eight 
grade through college level.
 
Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of
the human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at
Wittenburg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, 
being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in
the female nude that made him the father of the Renaizzance.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
The government of England was a limited mockery. Queen Elizabeth was
the "Virgin Queen". When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops,
they all shouted "hurrah". Then her navy went out and defeated the
Spanish Armandillo.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
Shakespeare never made much money and is famous only because of his
plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies,
comedies, and errors. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put 
tacks in their tea. Also the colonists would send their parcels through
the post without stamps. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer
had to pay for taxis.

Abraham Lincoln became america's greatest Precedent. Lincolon's 
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built
with his own hands. He said "In onion is great strength." Lincoln 
wrote the Gettysburg Address while travelling from Washington to 
Gettysburg on the Proclamation. Lincoln went to the theater and got
shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The
believed assasinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel.
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. Bach died from
1750 to the present. Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. he
was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even
when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later 
died for this.

The sun never set in the British Empire, because the British Empire is in
the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoia was the longest queen.
She sat on a thorn for sixty-three years.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thought.
The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur
discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the
Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx
became the Marx brothers.

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