HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: aij@sactoh0.sac.ca.us (Andrew I. Jones)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: ASCII Pic Collection
Keywords: ascii pics art
Date: 21 Aug 92 04:06:35 GMT
Organization: Sacramento Public Access Unix

--
 
 All of the ASCII pics in this file are by me (aij@sactoh0.SAC.CA.US),
 unless otherwise noted.  Most were created for personal use or for
 BBS advertisements.  I only ask that if anyone reposts these pics,
 include my mail address.  Thanks...
 
 ********************
 
         .:::::.
        :::::::::
       :::::::::::
      :::::::::::::
      :::::::::::::
      :::::::::::::
       :::::::::::
        ':::::::'
           ~~~
          "Egg"
 Originally wanted to make an Easter Egg for an email greeting card.
 I think it looks like an egg, you may want to customize it.
 by aij@sactoh0.SAC.CA.US
 
 ********************
 
                       |~|~|
         .:::::.     ,,| | |
        :::::::::    ',`   |
      (--(o)-(o)--)    |...|
      :::::| |:::::    |   |
      :::::|_|:::::    |   |
      :::\_____/:::    |   |
       :::::::::::    ,'   |
   _----':::::::'___-'    ,'
  :       |\_/|         ,'
 :        |/~\|      ,,'
 
        "Egg Man"
 Egg Man, a good friend in tough times.
 by aij@sa
-- 
   ='''    _   /|      o__     (_--_)    /\_/\    Have ascii pics?
   c oo    \'o.O'     _.>/ _   ( oo )   ((ovo))   Mail them (any size) to:
      \    =(___)=   (_) \(_)   )  (    ():::()   aij@sactoh0.SAC.CA.US
     -        U                 (__)      VVV
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com (Larry Gilmore)
Subject: Re: The boy stood on the burning deck...
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: TRW Systems Engineering & Development Division, Carson, CA
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 19:28:47 GMT

In article <1992Aug14.144404.17584@dickens.com> jd@dickens.com (Joe Dudar) writes:
>In article <1992Aug13.165256.89746@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au> che238n@vaxc.cc.monash.edu.au writes:
>>	The boy stood on the burning deck,
>>	His pocket full of crackers.
>>	One fell down his trouser leg,
>>	And blew of both his sandshoes.
>>
>>		-Paul Hogan
>
>Mind explaining to a Yank what's s'posed to rhyme with crackers?
>-- 
from another yank (?!?) knackers ---> balls

-- 
Larry A. Gilmore             Internet: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com
TRW SEDD, DH1/2849
P.O. Box 6213                Phone:    (310)764-3318
Carson, CA 90746             Fax:      (310)764-3946
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: colossal@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (colossal Microscope)
Subject: funny band names
Keywords: funny band names
Organization: AT&T
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 14:05:14 GMT

okay, twist my arm...here's some band names
folks here at work seemed to get a kick out of...

a local chicago performance duo:  Algebra Suicide

defunct industrial music group: Throbbing Gristle 

hardcore music group : 1000 Homo DJs

(who by the way do an excellent cover of Black Sabbath's "Supernaut")

---

c         _     m         
 o        \\     i        
  l      ((\\     c      
   o      (\___    r      
    s      ||       o                     -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
     s  ========     s                      -=-  e-mail: att@acpfs!jtw  -=-=-
      a               c                       -=-=-  jack thomas weres  -=-
       l               o                        -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                        p                                  |||
                         e                                 |||
From: kml@cellar.org (Lazlo Hoover Toth)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: anagrams
Date: 17 Aug 92 13:41:27 GMT
Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system


George herbert Walker Bush - Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog

and, lest we forget:

H. Ross Perot  - Posh Resort.


This message may not be rebroadcast without the express written consent of 
the Baltimore Orioles and Major League Baseball.  Send $2 for transcripts to
  kml%cellar@tredysvr.tredydev.unisys.com  - My other account is a Mercedes.
From: cd644@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Larry J. Cruz)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: FORUM Mailing List
Date: 20 Aug 92 14:00:27 GMT
Reply-To: cd644@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Larry J. Cruz)
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)


In a previous article, kml@cellar.org (Lazlo Hoover Toth) says:

>thomps@ndddt.uiuc.edu writes:
>>356trb@uva.ea.tme.edu writes:
>>> large collection of letters and stories from P'house
>>> forum.  Weekly compilations will be mailed, group by topic and
>
>> Please add me to the list!
>
>
>Me too!
>
>
>
>------------------
>

Include me in this!!!!!!
From: larryd@milton.u.washington.edu (Larry Desoto)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Keywords: joke, very funny, haha, etc.
Date: 19 Aug 92 04:38:44 GMT
Organization: University of Washington

johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:

[...]

>Hmmm. Did they have rocket launchers and semi-automatic rifles when the
>second amendment was passed?  Just wondering?

Did they have high speed presses, radio, or television when the first
amendment was passed?  Just wondering.


--
Larry                                   |   Thunder makes all the noise;
                                        |   lightning gets the job done.
larryd@milton.washington.edu
I have my opinion; the university has its own.
From: ria@dash.udev.cdc.com (Richard Askew)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: BUMPER STICKER
Date: 17 Aug 92 18:07:43 GMT
Organization: Control Data Systems Inc., London, UK.
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL3

gfowler@javelin.sim.es.com (Gary Fowler) writes:
: z_maraiajj@ccsvax.sfasu.edu writes:
: 
: >SAVE GAS. FART IN A JAR.
: 
: >SEEN IN DELAWARE
: 
: Eat beans.  The world needs more gas.
: 
: Seen in Utah.

Be Alert!
- The World needs more Lerts!
From: scochran@hpmwtd.sr.hp.com (Steve Cochran)
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 20:51:30 GMT
Subject: Re: Re^2: Goddamn idiot posting "Magic Johnson In Barcelona"
Organization: HP Santa Rosa Site (NMD MTA MWTD)
Newsgroups: rec.humor


I disagree.  Here's the order of finish this year if the U.S. sent a 
college/amateur team.

1. Croatia
2. Lithuania
3. EUN
4. U.S.  (we get the dirt metal).

Judging from the performance of the other teams in the tournament, the 
talent/coaching/skill of the other nations has almost caught up with that in 
the U.S.  I guess that's OK if you lower your expectations to the point where
you think that the U.S. should only have an outside shot at a medal.

One of the Olympic observers (the author of the 'Complete Book of the Olympics')
said that the only people who seemed to object to the 'Dream Team' were some
of the Americans in attendance.  The rest of the world doesn't have a problem
with it.  Why should we listen to a small group of pussy-weenies from the U.S.
complain?  BTW, there were several NBA pros on the Lithuanian and (I think)
the EUN and Croatian teams.  BTW2, the only representative on the FIBA board
(international basketball governing body) who voted against inclusion of NBA
pros in the Olympics was from (you guessed it) the U.S.

The main point of the Olympics is to show off *human* athletic accomplishment.
What difference does it make how a person makes his living?

SC
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: remco@dutent3.et.tudelft.nl (Remco de Zwart)
Subject: To all rec.humor readers
Reply-To: remco@dutent3.et.tudelft.nl (Remco de Zwart)
Organization: Delft University of Technology, Dept. of Electrical Engineering
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 08:06:36 GMT

Why did researchers try to mix the genetics of an octopussy with
the genetics of a person who reads rec.humor?

They wondered if they could create a rec.humor-reader which had
a pair of hands which would do some work.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jsbell@acs.ucalgary.ca (Joshua Bell)
Subject: ASCII Pics
Summary: Wanted
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 92 17:37:52 GMT
Organization: The University of Calgary, Alberta

Well, likely this isn't the right group for this sorta thing (not
that thats _ever_ stopped anyone before... :)

Wanted:

1) Ascii pictures. You know, those funky drawings made of /|-(>^~_
etc. Like, say, this one:
                   ___
      ___....-----'---`-----....___
=========================================
       ___`---..._______...---'___
      (___)      _|_|_|_      (___)
        \\____.-'_.---._`-.____//
          ~~~~`.__`---'__.'~~~~
                  ~~~~~
Email is great. :)

I'm also semi-partial to actual graphics that have been converted
into 'text bitmaps', or whatever the term is, where the density
of each square of the picture is transformed into an ASCII
character that approximates the right grey level. Or whatever.

2) FTP sites for the like. I know there are some out there...

3) A more relevant newsgroup than rec.humor, if there is one,
and/or ascii pic mailing lists.

Thanks. :)

As always, please email any replies. If you also find the topic
of interest, email me too, and I'll post summaries of info I get,
or something. 

Joshua

   _  _      "Thats a good idea!"  "I have those every once in a while."
 -(_)(_)-      "Why do you listen to me when I'm wrong?!?"
 \      /          - Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine
  |  . |      
  -____-      jsbell@acs.ucalgary.ca 
 /  \/  \     Academic Computing Services, University of Calgary
From: lxf8351@hertz.njit.edu (lawrence finkel cis stnt)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: 1996 Olympics
Date: 14 Aug 92 17:07:07 GMT
Organization: New Jersey Institute of Technology, Newark, N.J.

In article <1992Aug10.185547.26583@news.cs.brandeis.edu> chimps@binah.cc.brandeis.edu writes:
>Hi! I don't know how many of you watched the closing ceremonies last night,
>but did you see the Atlanta mascot for the 1996 Olympics? It's this funny
>looking blue thing named Whatizit. In Atlanta, it has been dubbed "Spunky
>the Sperm" and "'Lil Squirt" by the local radio stations. They are having
>a contest to give it an official name... any suggestions?


Yeah,

     F**king UGLY stupid assinine piece of s**t.
-- 
#-----------------------------------------------------------------------------#
#                     Lawrence Finkel: lxf8351@hertz.njit.edu                 #
#   "Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced."   #
#-----------------------------------------------------------------------------#
From: earlyd@ee.byu.edu (David Early)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: please help me name my machine
Date: 12 Aug 92 16:38:00 GMT
Article-I.D.: byu.80
Distribution: na
Organization: Brigham Young University, Provo UT USA


In article <1992Aug12.161224.72@cbnewsl.cb.att.com>, saal@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (samuel.saal) writes:
> In article <1992Aug10.154759.370@awdprime.austin.ibm.com>
> ibmpa!cdc017.austin.ibm.com!lkoh@ibminet.awdpa.ibm.com writes:
> 
> >We get to name our machines at work here, and I am 
> >in desperate need of a new machine name in a hurry!  
> >Can you help me?  
>



I set up a Sesame Street network once: Big Bird was the server and we had five
clients:  Ernie, Bert, Elmo, Grover and Snuffy.  (I used to work in a PBS studio)

There is also a net in our building that uses the names of Star Trek characters from
both the new and old versions: Worf, Picard, Troi, Kirk.  Spock is the server.

Have Fun!!

Dave Early
earlyd@wombat.ee.byu.edu
From: sgolson@trilobyte.com (Steve Golson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Woody Allen
Keywords: topical, smirk
Date: 22 Aug 92 23:30:03 GMT

Motto of the Woody Allen School of Interpersonal Relationships:

"I don't want to rob the cradle. I just want to sleep in it for a while."

(heard from a comedian years and years ago, and adapted to current events)

-seg
--
Selected by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.

Please!  No copyrighted stuff.  Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 92 3:20:8 EDT
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: how much for the presidency?
From: bowe@osf.org
Keywords: topical, smirk

I heard this on NPR (National Public Radio) this morning.  It was in
a story about Al Gore's visit to a new Democratic campaign headquarters
in Boston.  It was the former local office for Ross Perot's supporters.

While killing some time, Joe Kennedy 2nd (my US congressman) said
something like this (paraphrasing - I forget the exact wording):

	Some people thought Perot would spend $100 million of his
	own money to buy the presidency.  My grandmother (102-year-old
	Rose Kennedy, monther of JFK, Teddy, etc.) told me 'your
	grandfather only spent $10 million.'


Just to be clear, he soon afterwards said "It was a joke, gang, a joke."
Was it?

	- john bowe

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From: rahdert@thrombus.seas.upenn.edu (Dave Rahdert)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Revenge on airlines
Keywords: smirk
Date: 14 Aug 92 08:30:04 GMT

What everyone would just love to see in a bid by Boeing to sell new planes
to the airlines:




Tender:       

Item                                          Purchase Price*

Boeing 747 jet airplane   .............               $10 Million



(Way down at the bottom in very fine print)
*price of 1/2 a 747 airplane; Requires purchase of whole airplane




P.S. Wouldn't it be great if all suppliers to the airlines did this!  (to be undertood by anyone who is sick of reading advertised fares for 1/2 of a return flight)

Dave Rahdert/ University of Pennsylvania
[thrombus]:
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From: icsu8249@cs.montana.edu (Larry Emmett)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Kerpow!  Kerpow! -- Take that!!!
Keywords: maybe
Date: 12 Aug 92 08:30:04 GMT

Heard this one from my brother-in-law quite a while ago.
--------------------------------------------------------


A young gunfighter that thinks he's mighty hot stuff walks into a bar full
of older, more experienced gunfighters.  The young hotshot looks around and
picks out a fellow sitting alone at the bar.  He walks up to the fellow, 
and says "Hey old man, you want to see how fast I am??"

Before the older gunslinger has a chance to say a word, the young newcomer
draws both of his guns, shoots the cuff links off the piano player's shirt, 
and re-holsters his pistols.

Now the old gunfighter looks at the kid and says "That wasn't too bad, but
let me give you a few pieces of advice that will make your life a little
easier in the future."  

"The first thing you should do is file this firing pin way down" says the 
gunslinger, "That way the gun will fire with just a hair-light touch on the 
trigger."

The kid had to agree that was pretty good advice, because you could 
never tell when a fraction of a second would save your life.

"The second thing you should do" says the old gunslinger, "is to file the
front sight off your pistol so that it doesn't drag coming out of your 
holster and slow you down on the draw."

Well, the kid thought this was pretty good advice as well.  Anything for
a little bit of speed when he was drawing his gun.

"The last bit of advice I've got for you is , first chance you get, dip
both of those fancy pearl handled pistols into a bucket of lard and make
sure you get a nice thick coat on them."

Now the kid wasn't so sure about this one so he asks the old gunslinger:
"Why is that, will it make it easier to get my pistols out of their
holsters??"

"Well," says the old gunslinger, "it might do that, but the main reason
for it is that as soon as Doc Holiday finishes playing that song, he's 
going to shove them up your ass."


--
Larry Emmett
--
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Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.
From: J.RING5@genie.com (JANE R. RING)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Musical Pick-up puns
Keywords: pun, smirk, original, sexual
Date: 12 Aug 92 23:30:03 GMT

A pick-up expressed in musical terms:

        hymn (the guy)
        bar line (where he meets her)
        sax (what he wants)
        suite (what he says she is)
        sheet music (what she puts on the CD player in her room)
        sol-fa (what they lie down on)
        "Triad!" (he suggests tying her up with a major chord)
        "Duet!" (her answer)
        staff (what he pulls out next)
        score (what he does)
        no treble (what he's had)
        a trill (what he assumes she's had)
        a C note (what she hopes for)
        forte (what she's willing to accept)
        a tenor (what he ends up paying)
        "Bass!" (what she calls him)
        "Pitch!" (what he calls her)

                Amities, Jane
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Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Musical Pick-up puns
From: "JANE R. RING" <J.RING5@genie.com>
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 92 19:30:3 EDT
Keywords: pun, smirk, original, sexual

A pick-up expressed in musical terms:

        hymn (the guy)
        bar line (where he meets her)
        sax (what he wants)
        suite (what he says she is)
        sheet music (what she puts on the CD player in her room)
        sol-fa (what they lie down on)
        "Triad!" (he suggests tying her up with a major chord)
        "Duet!" (her answer)
        staff (what he pulls out next)
        score (what he does)
        no treble (what he's had)
        a trill (what he assumes she's had)
        a C note (what she hopes for)
        forte (what she's willing to accept)
        a tenor (what he ends up paying)
        "Bass!" (what she calls him)
        "Pitch!" (what he calls her)

                Amities, Jane
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From: stevec@BUCRF10.bu.edu (Steve Connelly)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Are You a Geek?
Keywords: original, funny, computer
Date: 18 Aug 92 08:30:07 GMT


Are You a Geek?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Did you misunderstand phone sex, resulting in painful electrical 
burns?

	When the air conditioning comes on during a staff meeting, do you 
invariably grab your throat and then pretend to collapse on the table?

	Do you use Drano as a toilet cleanser?

	Does your carpet change color when you vacuum?  When you exterminate?
Is the only vacuum you know about the one the crew is exposed to after a 
breach of the inner hull?  

	Do you wear socks so dirty Saddam Hussein wouldn't use them against 
the Kurds?  Has half a pizza been in the back of your refrigerator for so long 
it's begun to manipulate symbols?

	When the waiter at the Chinese restaurant asks for your number, do you 
bellow righteously, "I am not a number!  I am a luncheon special!"

	Are you Steve Zimmerman?

	Do you chuckle when you think that, under those clothes, all those
women are naked?  Did you giggle when the female employment recruiter said
she had multiple openings available?  Did you name a workstation "madonna" so 
that you could see
 
	*** shutdown message for madonna from operator@madonna ***
        	madonna going down in 5 minutes

	Did you giggle when a manager talking about a female colleague's PC 
asked "Does Janet have dual floppies?"  Do you twitter uncontrollably each time
the tv announcer says, "dual front airbags"?

	Do you post irrelevance to global networks in the hope that someone 
will think you're witty?


--
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From: stevec@BUCRF10.bu.edu (Steve Connelly)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Not Quite Wright
Keywords: original, funny
Date: 14 Aug 92 23:30:04 GMT


Things that might have been funny if comedian Steve Wright had said them:


The most popular kids show in France is Beauxault le Clown.

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.

Despite decades of market research, markets proliferate and there's no cure
in sight.

I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.

Jesus could've made it up Mount Calvary without assistance if he 
had cross-trained.

You can always get a job in international affairs because 90% of everything 
happens in a foreign country.

I called the census bureau to see why they hadn't sent me a form, and they
said that I was too nondescript to influence the demographics one way or 
another.

She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet  
off the ground.  

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

A man's body is 70% water.  However, a dolphin's body is 0% water, so 
dolphins have to live in the ocean.

A skunk walked by and my odor eaters went berserk with blood lust.  They 
tripped me, escaped from my loafers, and chased the skunk up
a tree.  My feet were still hot and sweaty, so I bought wind socks.

I listen to the police band on my CB radio.  Once I dialed 911 and
dedicated a crime to my girlfriend.

Eventually, the water hazard will be filled with golfballs.  It will still
be a hazard, though, because you're only allowed to hit your own ball.

The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in Mouse, with English subtitles.

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell 
asleep.

No matter how much the passengers eat, the weight of the plane stays the same.

Which of the Himalayas is the shortest?

The museum boasted owning the original version of Beethoven's unfinished 
basement.

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