From: elise@ticipa.pac.sc.ti.com (Elise Wade)
Subject: Re: "Love" Triangle
Organization: Texas Instruments
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 18:37:07 GMT

In article <1992Aug21.153906.20265@cco.caltech.edu> hough@seismo.gps.caltech.edu (Susan Hough) writes:
>In article <23505@alice.att.com> llf@alice.UUCP (alice!llf) writes:
>>In article <1992Aug19.234150.2204496@locus.com> judy@locus.com (Judy Leedom Tyrer) writes:
>>>In article <1992Aug17.233733.17080@cco.caltech.edu> hough@seismo.gps.caltech.edu (Susan Hough) writes:
>>>>
>>>>One thing my husband and I talked about doing was contacting social welfare
>>>>authorities.  If the family situation really is that dysfunctional, maybe
>>>>intervention is warranted.  We never did have the guts to go through with
>>>>it, though. 
>>>
>>>Wait!  Stop!  There is another alternative.  Perhaps the family simply needs
>>>educating.  We have a similar family in our social circle.  The mom is great,
>>
>>Yes!  You folks have no idea how many times misc.kids and/or neighbors
>>saved parents from themselves (or parents from their kids, for that matter).
>
>Well, I'm glad that you guys are so confident in your ability to effectively
>provide support/guidance to a neighbor, but some families really are
>in need of professional help and there are social welfare agencies where
>people are trained to handle this sort of thing.  I'm a bit surprised
>at the huge outcry against the suggestion of contacting authorities.
>"Trigger happy in calling social services"?  Sure there are some 
>nightmare stories about children who were taken away because someone saw
>them being spanked or because some doctor overreacted to an injury, but
>I really don't believe this kind of thing is epidemic.  If anything,
>I sometimes regret the one case where I was tempted to make a report,
>and didn't. 

Interesting, Susan.  What kind of work load does your social services
have?  The folks around here seem to be fairly decent, but they are
definitely overloaded.  I mean they have families with *real* problems,
physical & sexual abuse, drug addiction, abandonment, etc.  I cannot
see the rather mild case of imposition on the neighbors as being in
the same league with the types of cases CPS usually works on.

>
>>Just because someone has kids doesn't mean they know anything about kids,
>>and maybe none of their relatives know anything about kids either.  And
>>the appearance of negligence, or even of behavior you disagree with, doesn't
>>mean the parents aren't well intentioned, or are doing these things
>>deliberately.
>
>I never said that the parents weren't well-intentioned or were being 
>deliberately harmful.  You don't have to call a social welfare authority
>and report gross negligance--you could just call and explain the situation
>as you see it.  Who knows?  Maybe they would recognize the signs of a 
>mother who is overwhelmed and offer a Head Start program for the
>pre-schoolers, or a support group for the mother, or maybe even a person 
>to come to the house to help out.
>

Head Start programs are for the disadvantaged *only*.  There are very
strict qualifications.  Basicially we are talking middle-class people 
here who could afford to send their children to preschool or take
parenting courses on their own if they wanted.  The social workers
who come to help families have *major* disasters to deal with --
like say alcoholic parents who have trouble staying sober & holding
down jobs.  These social workers don't have the time to work with only
mildly disfunctional families --  & frankly should be spending
their time with families who must have the help to survive.

>>can be devastating to otherwise well intentioned families.  Don't call just
>>because you don't want to be "nosy" or "embarrassing" to the other family.
>
>Sheesh!  The concern here is to try to help out these kids.  Even if
>a neighbor is good-hearted and able to provide a surrogate family for
>kids who are being ignored at home, it isn't going to make up entirely for
>the situation at home.  Helping your neighbor is fine, but helping may
>sometimes include recognizing cases where they need more help than
>you can provide.
>
>Sue 
>
>
Well, not only do I think it inappropriate to call CPS in such a case,
I suspect it could do far more harm than good. (Assuming we aren't talking
real neglect, just some boorish imposition on the neighbors.)  For one
thing, it will take the CPS folks away from doing their real job.  Those
children aren't in any physical danger.  This year, here in Texas 97
children have died from abuse -- even though social services was tracking
their cases.  In the publicized cases, the overload of work has been
a major factor.  In another words, many of these deaths would have
been prevented had they had fewer cases.  Secondly, when you report someone,
that family ends up with a "record".  This is unfortunate and varies
from state to state, but its like giving someone a bad credit rating
-- only much worse.  No wrong doing ever has to be shown.  These laws
need changing, but its a fact of life now.  Thirdly, since CPS deals with
so many trully awful cases, and the workers are overloaded, your report
*may* cause a misguided worker to accuse an innocent parent(s) of some
awful stuff.  This experience (less common, I believe that the other
extreme) is devastating and very expensive for the victimized family.

In short, calling social services is something you should do if you
feel a child is in danger.  Otherwise, it is really best to pusue other
avenues.  Help if you can.  If the situation is more than you can
handle, there are various ways to get out of it.  But government
intervention should trully be a last resort.

Elise.