From: goldberg@oasys.dt.navy.mil (Mark Goldberg)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: More wedding etiquette
Date: 21 Jul 92 19:54:07 GMT
Reply-To: goldberg@oasys.dt.navy.mil (Mark Goldberg)
Organization: Naval Surface Warfare Center, Annapolis, MD

In soc.couples, squire@sybil.cs.Buffalo.EDU (Debora Squire) writes:
>...   this is my second marriage.  Is it proper for my father to "give
>me away" again?  Is there some other phrasing besides "giving me away"?

First, your last question.  The general custom is that he gives you
away only once. The etiquette books may also advise you against an aisle
walk and prescribe a simple private ceremony.  I see it differently,
but I agree that it is not necessary for your dad to give you away again.
I was at one wedding where the bride's two sons, as her attendants, walked
her down the aisle.  The groom's sons were his Best Men.

Regarding wedding customs and etiquette, the best I ever read was the
wedding supplement to the New York Times Magazine, published last June.
Perhaps you could find a copy in your library.  It was written by an
experienced wedding consultant (sorry, forget her name) and covers many
unusual and potentially touchy situations.

The source I am down on is the so-called "Miss Manners" (Judith Martin).
I think her orientation is stodgy, arbitrary, and stiff.

I have worked on weddings for over 10 years as a wedding photographer/
videographer.  Competent individuals in either category often give free
wedding assistance; I do for my clients.  They see many sides of a wedding
and can often tell you about pitfals to avoid.

Here are some other tips based on my experience.  First, keep things
simple; not too much fluff.  If you have a wedding part, try to keep
it reasonalbly sized.  You may save a lot of hassle by avoiding standard
bridesmaids dresses and instructing each to simply follow a color motif'.
I also recommend that you use the members of the wedding party to really
help smooth out the details of the wedding day.  That's what they are
supposed to do - make your day more enjoyable.  For example, they can
be responsible for assisting guests and helping you gather your gifts
at the end of the party.

Avoid long photo sessions between ceremony and reception.  If you want
lots of portraits, do them in advance, or a few weeks later.  If you
want lots of family shots, consider having some done at the rehearsal
dinner.  Make sure you know EXACTLY who, by name, will be photographing
of videotaping your event.  Assign a family member or attendant to point
out who's who.

If planning to depart by car, then park it at a location known only
to yourself - unless you want it covered with balloons, soap, shaving
cream, and beer cans!

Have plenty of local maps printed.  Distribute with your invitation
and have extras at the wedding.  My wife and I included a wedding newsletter
with the invitation, listing hotels, restaurants, and tourist attractions
nearby.

Bottom line:  Plan a great day, but temper the plans with practicality
and rationality.

   /|/| /||)|/  /~ /\| |\|)[~|)/~   |   Everyone's entitled to MY opinion.
  / | |/ ||\|\  \_|\/|_|/|)[_|\\_|  |      goldberg@oasys.dt.navy.mil
========Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein=======
Newsgroups: soc.couples