From: bls101@deakin.anu.edu.au (The New, Improved Brian Scearce)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: The effect of springtime on campus bureaucrats
Date: 12 Oct 92 14:07:54
Organization: Australian National University
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: 150.203.15.26


It's springtime, the academic year is drawing to a close and the campus
bureaucrats (hereafter referred to as "those fuckwits") are making noises
about the new, improved system of car parking they plan to introduce next
year.  They've been "improving" the system for a couple of years now.

When I first came to this university all the staff members and
post-graduate students were entitled to a *free* parking sticker which
allowed them to park anywhere they liked on campus for as long as they
liked.  

The only flaw was that since the university is in the centre of town office
workers used to park in the free University car parks in preference
(naturally) to paying for parking near their offices.  The university
administration (those fuckwits) decided to employ a consulting firm
(hereafter referred to as "those scumbags") to investigate the parking
situation on campus.  

These consultants (those scumbags) duly handed in a very pretty (and rather
expensive) report.  Their conclusion?  Employ parking inspectors and hand
out large fines to people parking on campus illegally.  A corollary of the
consultant's (those scumbags) report was that parking on campus would no
longer be free since the university administration (those fuckwits) had to
raise the money to pay for the consultants (those scumbags).

The new, "improved" system operated for one year amid many complaints, most
of which were ignored by the university bureaucrats (those fuckwits).  They
did pay attention to one however.  A flaw in the new, "improved" system was
that it had no provision for visitors to the university.  The bureaucrats
(those fuckwits) reacted quickly and radically to this complaint.  Yes, the
hired some consultants (those new scumbags) to produce a report!

The new report divided the campus car parks into zones.  One zone for
staff, one for post-graduate students and one for visitor and short term
parking with parking meters.  Of course the new set of consultants (those
new scumbags) were even more expensive than the first and their report even
prettier so parking fees had to be raised, but everyone agreed this new,
"improved" system was even better than the previous one.

To summarise:

Old, unimproved system 
   Where can I park?       anywhere
   How much does it cost?  nothing

New, "improved" system - Mark 1
   Where can I park?       anywhere
   How much does it cost?  $50 per year

New, "improved" system - Mark 2
   Where can I park?       only in my zone
   How much does it cost?  $100 per year

It makes me wonder what the new, "improved" system - Mark 3 has in store
for me.  My guess is

New, "improved" system - Mark 3
   Where can I park?       nowhere
   How much does it cost?  $200 in bus fares

Maybe I should just buy a tank.  The Russians must have plenty they don't
need anymore and they could use the money I'm sure.  If I had a tank I
could park wherever I liked, regardless of whether there was a car parked
in the spot already, and with a nice big gun turret no parking inspector
would dare give me a ticket.

ObRecipe:  Mince Thing
  Fry some minced beef.  Add a grated carrot, a grated onion, a grated
potato(e), a grated apple and as much grated finger as you desire.  Fry
some more.  Add Worcestershire sauce to taste.  Eat from the pan (it saves
on washing up).
--
bls101@syseng.anu.edu.au
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've 
 never tried before." - Mae West
Newsgroups: alt.peeves