From: jgacker@news.gsfc.nasa.gov (James G. Acker)
Subject: B&B:  Humdrum Thursday update
Summary:  I don't think we're in Kansas anymore
Keywords: conned
Organization: Goddard Space Flight Center
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1992 21:38:45 GMT


     My head is befuddled by a head cold, and so I will slog
through a totally unexciting, completely humdrum update with
absolutely no shocks, surprises or strange twists.  Yawn.
     Yeah, right  :-)!

     Thursday on "The Bold and the Beautiful"

     Brooke and Ridge confer backstage.  They're eating it
up, Brooke says, hook, button, and slinker!  You did it!
Ridge politely gives some credit to her, but she says I'm
just a molecule jockey, you're the artiste.  Taylor sneaks
up outside and sees them through a crack in the door.

     Reprise of the wedding gown, Lauren wishing she could
see it without the veil.  Sheila lifts the veil, turns
around.  Still at a distance, Lauren doesn't recognize the
model as her arch-enemy.  Applause.  Everybody gets onstage.
Eric brings roses and hands them to Sheila, she tells him
she loves him but it's drowned out by the thunderous
ovation.  She turns, and comes eye-to-eye with Lauren!  Yee
Gods, the woman in white is actually a black sheep!  A fox
in sheep's clothing!  An imposter!  A reprobate!  A woman
with thin lips!  Lauren shrieks...  Sheila tries to get
offstage quick and make a dash for it, but Lauren cuts her
off.  The press is converging.  Stop HER!  Lauren yells.
The cops grab her, and Eric, Sheila, Lauren, cops, and
models in bathrobes end up backstage.  It's her, Lauren
yells, the woman who stole my baby.  I never met her, I
don't know what she's talking about!  Sheila sobs.  Eric
says there must be some mistake.  Confusion reigns.

     Ridge and Brooke get chummy for a moment, leaning
against each other as they lean on the desk.  Ummf, Brooke
says, feeling a field goal attempt on the innards (as Rita
Rudner says, life is tough enough without someone kicking
you from inside).  What is it?  Ridge asks.  Just a polite
reminder I'm not alone.  Taylor frowns.  Ridge makes sure
she's all right then invites her to take some bows.  No, no,
I'll scurry back to the lab while you stand in the
spotlight.  Ridge combs his hair and heads for the stage.
(There was a TV monitor of the show in his office.)  After
he leaves, Brooke sort of smiles like a Cheshire Cat.
Taylor looks in and says cattily, "What's the smile for,
Brooke?  Been babbling?"

     Lauren says that Sheila attacked her and tied her up in
the hotel room last night.  Sheila denies it.  Eric says are
you sure this is the woman?  Yes, this is Sheila Carter the
cop says.  Wanted for assault.  And for several felony
charges in Genoa City.  You must be looking for another
Sheila Carter!  Eric insists.  Stephanie comes down and says
there is an easy way to find out -- let's ask!!  Meanwhile,
the cop shows Eric Sheila's obit in the Genoa City newspaper
-- it's the same face.  Eric is aghast.  How could you?  I
believed in you?  Lauren accuses her of being the DEVIL
INCARNATE AND A LOUSY BABYSITTER TO BOOT!  Explain yourself,
young lady, Stephanie demands.  Sheila breaks down, sobbing
"Can't someone be given a little credit for changing?  I'm
not like that anymore!  I truly love you Eric!  Auntie Em!
Auntie Em!  The room's spinning!  There's no place like
home!   There's no place like home!"   Eric says get this
slime out of here whilst I scrape off my shoes!  The cops
drag Sheila out the door as she screams "ERIC!"

Fade to black...

Sheila is bandaged, throwing her head back and forth, saying
"No!  No!"  Eric's face swims into view.  Calm down, he
urges, it's O.K.  She slowly realizes that the preceding
three episodes were all a figment of the writer's
imagination.  Thank God, I've still got a contract!  She
hugs Eric who tells her that she gave him quite a scare.
The show?  It's over, there'll be other shows.  Too bad you
didn't get a chance to meet Lauren Fenmore, though.  And why
the heck did you end up in the parking lot at her hotel?
Uh...  had to get some groceries?  Needed a new nail file?
Felt like ordering room service?  Needed a haircut, yeah,
that's the ticket.

     Ridge and Lauren, post-show, discuss why they never
made it between the sheets.  You can still visit Genoa City,
I'm sure Taylor won't mind.  Both Eric and Stephanie and
Lauren's deceased father (who's actually Bill Spencer in
disguise) thought Ridge and Lauren would have been a nice
pair.  But I'm currently involved with a nice pair right
now, Ridge reminds her.  Darn the luck.  Too bad about the
accident -- I never did get to meet Eric's new lady.  Hey,
the hospital's on the way to the airport -- why don't we
stop by.  Great idea, Lauren says.

     Taylor comes into the office.  Can't a woman have a
smile now and then?  Brooke asks.  Taylor goes into Sherlock
mode, saying I've got a handle on this.  The significant
thing is that you're doing nothing in the night-time, is it
not?  You think by playing the cool cucumber, pretty soon
Ridge will be offering to take you on another pickle ride?
Brooke tells Taylor to get real and get secure, because
women will be offering Ridge adventures in the tunnel of
love for the rest of his life!  You'd better make sure
you're sure, Taylor.  I am totally secure, Taylor insists.
Brooke says well I better rest to insure a healthy
pregnancy, and Taylor says, "Oh, now I get it, you're
planning on having that baby during sweeps month to get
Ridge back then!  Well, honey, it might not even be Ridge's
baby!"  Frequency implies a statistical likelihood, Brooke
replies.  Ridge will have to make lots of decisions when the
babe is on the doorstep, so if I were you I'd be planting
his feet in concrete!  Toodeloo!  Taylor simmers.

     At the hospital, Ridge and Lauren find out Sheila's
room number.  They open the door (without knocking, tsk tsk)
and find... Sheila and Eric on the bed, consummating the
relationship while using the automatic bed controls!  Wrong.
It's just somebody changing the sheets.  They're down in X-
ray, trying to figure out where the last three episodes came
from!  What episodes?  Ridge asks.  Lauren interrupts his
reverie -- wish I could stick around, but I'm leaving on a
jet plane.  I'll come back for the spring showing, Lauren
promises.  Good!  Ridge says.  I'll make reservations for
me, Taylor, Eric, Sheila, and you.  Wait a minute, Lauren
says, rewind.  Sheila.  I knew a Sheila, but she was no Jack
Kennedy.  I'm sure this Sheila is nothing like the devil
incarnate.

     And that, gentle reader, is that.  Flummoxed.
Bamboozled.  Undressed.  Floored.  Stunned.  Taken to the
cleaners.  Swindled.  Misled.  But...  despite it being a
cheap stunt, it worked.
     In the original presentation of the play "Sleuth",
despite it being a two-character play, bios for all the
actors playing the other characters were presented.
Fictitious bios, but it misled the audience for quite
awhile.  Even flummoxed my superintelligent father (though
not as much as people who were still asking "Where were the
other actors?" at the end of the play.)
     So -- I liked it.  They couldn't sacrifice Sheila this
early, and she's right.  If she gets engaged to Eric, Lauren
is going to read about it in the trade publications.   So
this particular conflict isn't over, sports fans.
     One continuity problem -- Sheila had her accident while
Brooke was visiting Lauren, and they showed Brooke getting
on the down elevator just as Sheila disembarked from the up
elevator.  She went to knock on the door.  Did Brooke
actually visit Lauren or was it just part of Sheila's dream?

     Jim "these and other questions" Acker
     jgacker@neptune.gsfc.nasa.gov