From: arielle@NeoSoft.com (Stephanie da Silva)
Subject: Pudding things into perspective
Organization: NeoSoft Communications Services -- (713) 684-5900
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 09:11:01 GMT


I received this as a submission to rec.food.recipes (I didn't post it).
It looks like a parody of the $250 cookie.
Since I've never run across this one before, I thought I'd post it here
for the perusal of the afu denizens.
As far as the recipe goes, speaking from a cook's view, it's rather
on the uninspired side.


############## Perfect rice pudding ####################


[This is the story of my search for the perfect rice pudding
and the ultimate price I paid for it.]

  My wife and I had travelled the world many times in search of the
perfect rice pudding when we happened across the Tiffany's Cafe in
New York city.  There, in neon signature just below the Tiffany's logo
was written the most audacious claim:

	"Home of the world's best rice pudding"

We were skeptical -- after all we had tried the rice puddings
of England's most famous rice pudding houses, but my wife and I
have an almost lewd addiction to the stuff, and the possibility
of missing out on the world's best was just too much to bear.

  Like connoisseurs of fine wine we inspected the bowls of pudding that
we had ordered.  My wife held hers up to the light to better examine
its texture, while I wafted its balmy scent towards my hungrily
awaiting nostrels.  At this point she and I could barely contain
ourselves -- we knew we had found here something special -- something
close to perfection.  Could it be the answer to our gastronomical
urge?  My heart was pounding and my whole body shook.  My wife's
eyes were glazed and unfocused.  In agonizingly slow motion we each
lifted a heavenly spoon of the sweet ambrosia to our yearning mouths.
The luscious flavor struck my gustatory senses like nothing I had ever
felt before!  I felt lightheaded -- I may have fainted.  My wife had
many orgasms.

  After collecting ourselves we realized that we had to have the
Tiffany's rice pudding recipe, but all of our requests to the waiter
were firmly rebuffed.  "The Tiffany's rice pudding recipe is copyrighted
material and is treated here with the utmost secrecy."  We pleaded,
we begged, we bribed, but all to no avail -- they were'nt going to share
with us the secret of life.  We became desparate.  I thought that if we
left there without the recipe we would surely die of longing for it.
I could see only one solution (maybe I wasn't thinking clearly) --  I
grabbed the waiter about the neck and held my pudding spoon firmly against
his eye socket.  Menacingly low I whispered in his ear, "I want that rice
pudding recipe now.  If I don't see it in front of me within five minutes,
you will never see again."  For emphasis, I wedged the tip of my spoon
under his eyelid and pushed.

  Within 1 minute and 37 seconds (I had been counting), the manager was
dragging the chef onto the dining floor, ordering him to give me the
prescription we craved.  He said it out loud and I memorized it word
for word.

  I was sure that I would be sent to prison for attacking the waiter,
but the Tiffany's company persuaded him (with a huge sum of money, no
doubt) not to press charges -- if only I would agree not to divulge the
secret of the world's best rice pudding.  I said "I'm  sorry, but the
people of the world have a right to this rice pudding recipe -- it is a
treasure for all human kind.  It isn't right that only the rich and
powerful should partake of it."

  This refusal has cost me dearly, more dearly than you can know, for now
I am serving a 5-10 year sentence for felony assault in the state
penitentiary, where they don't serve rice pudding at all.  But, I have
no regrets knowing that you who are reading this will be able to
experience the perfect rice pudding.  Don't cry for me.  I know that
5-10 years without rice pudding is a hard sentence, but I know that
when I get out, maybe in 3 years with good behavior, my wife will have
a bowl of perfect rice pudding waiting for me.

  Below you will find the recipe that I paid for with such a heavy price.
Please help make my sacrifice worthwhile by passing it on to as many people
as you can.

Ingredients:

2 Tblsp. Pudding Rice (short-grain white rice)
1 Pint Milk
1 Tblsp. Sugar
Butter

Grease a casserole dish.
Mix together the rice, milk and sugar and pour it into the
dish.  Dot the top of the mixture with butter.
Bake in a slow oven (about 300 degrees, F) until the top
is golden and the pudding is firm.  This takes approximately
2 hours.
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