From: anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Response to Ed (and Taylor)
Date: 11 Nov 92 15:48:33 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
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Anika hesitates, trying to decide if this should continue and she should
throw in her two cents...

Round about way of getting to this, I was discussing with my counselor the
recent FMS posts that I put up and my vehement defence of my (our) position. I
said I hesitated to post them because the flame wars could be detrimental to
the group. We discussed it at length, and she eventually (not being a computer
type) understood that the concern wasn't so much fear of being hurt as fear of
hurting others or scaring off new people with explosive posts. While she
agreed this was valid, she also pointed out that anger, diagreements and
arguments are part of reality. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, and
(as is the general theme of my recovery) I think we need to acknowledge our
mistakes as well as those of our perps. I have also realized the benefit of
some of the arguments we've had here. I, for one, am much more articulate in
voicing my feelings without stumbling - it's helped a great deal in the
letters to my mother. I think the fact that Holly (enigma) and Darkangel
voiced their feelings is *magnificent*. Breaking the silence is *so*
important. I've watched several rounds (recently) of Ed flaming people, people
flaming Ed, Ed leaving, Ed coming back... Here's my view: We have a
relationship here. We're sharing our *lives* with each other. While we cannot
control who reads or posts here, I think we're reaching a time when we ought
to discuss these problems so we quit having these ridiculous arguments. I am
aware that Ed prefers to run away, refuse to receive mail and insist that
flames go to /dev/null. I ask him (please) to take responsibility for his
posts and allow us (us including him, of course) to discuss these issues that
keep developing. I suspect that a better relationship for everyone could
evolve.
No, I don't want two camps attacking each other to the death. No, I don't want
uncontrolled raging. We can do this. We can be angry and disturbed and get it
out of our systems in a beneficial way. Can't we try to prove it to ourselves?
If you want to flame the whole idea, or flame the troubles we're having,
please attack me via e-mail or post under an appropriate header.

Following are my thoughts on this. Hit 'n' now if you're not interested...













While I'm not certain why Ed felt
it was necessary to use Teresa's name, I generally think it's not the best
diplomacy to do so unless quoting or paraphrasing, and I agree with Teresa
that his comment was an assumption of her emotions that was unfounded. I get
the impression Teresa and Ed have an axe to grind of their own, hence Teresa's
wise recommendation to take it to e-mail. To Taylor I would say, "Let Ed fight
his own battles." Yet, if my idea is put into motion, I welcome his insight.
 
Going back to the theme in the first paragraph, I have been
tempted to post several times on the importance of dealing with reality. I
have consistently seen Ed flame for no apparent reason, and, more importantly
(for his issues, I guess - his flames are pretty important to the folks he
flames) refuse to receive flames of any kind, telling us to send them to
/dev/null. Personally, I think this is denial and refusal to accept reality,
and it pisses me off to see it here, where we all *need* to be honest with
ourselves. However as Ed isn't a survivor, and the survivors here seem to be
handling that pretty well (temptation to say something...stifled), I haven't
concerned myself with this issue until now.

Finally, I was tempted to post a half-humorous post concerning this. It seems
that Ed, not being a survivor, doesn't necessarily understand the issues being
discussed here, except, perhaps by second-hand information, and may find an 
outlet elsewhere. Yet I was going to point out that our efforts are to bring
ourselves out of denial, and I can't think of anyone more firmly rooted in
denial than Ed.

Final note: Ed, I know you have your own concerns, and I don't wish to
belittle them. In fact, despite the general disagreements I've had to some of
your posts, I've attempted to send you several pieces of mail which somehow
can't get through to you. 



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