From: cortese@skid.ps.uci.edu (Janis Maria Cortese)
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Re: Women and Men's Safety
Date: 13 Jan 93 01:11:12 GMT
Organization: University of California, Irvine
NNTP-Posting-Host: remarque.berkeley.edu
Originator: muffy@remarque.berkeley.edu

In article <9301081556.AA24905@york.cs.ucla.edu> gds@ficus.cs.ucla.EDU (Greg Skinner) writes:
>In article <1iipns$gif@agate.berkeley.edu> cortese@skid.ps.uci.edu writes:
>>Percentages.  How many times does [women attacking men] happen?
>
>I don't know.
>That's not the point though.  As you cannot be sure that any given man
>has or has not been attacked by women, to treat them as if they hadn't
>been attacked by women would be to commit the same act you're
>claiming that men make: scaring women.
>
>>I keep a distance from EVERYONE at night.  The men ain't scared of me.
>
>How can you be sure of this?  Did you ask them?

I should have answered this differently.  In my experience, men are not
afraid of women on the street, and just saying, "Well, did you ask
them?" is dissing.

Men are not bothered by the same things as women, and making a
tit-for-tat argument like, "Well, do it for men, too!" is trivializing.
I reciprocate thoughtful and respectful behavior from men by giving the
men respect and friendship and support in the things that are particular
to them.  I do not expect my boyfriend to "treat" me at all.  We go
dutch every time we go out.  He treats me with respect and special
thoughtfulness for the things that I as a woman must put up with.  To
express thanks and to give him something back, I make special effort not
to treat him as a meal ticket, something particular to men and how they
are also damaged by sexism.

I have man friends who treat me with respect and special thoughtfulness
for the things that I as a woman must put up with.  I pay them back by
not acting braindead around them, by not expecting them to act macho and
by not making manhood demands on them.  I pay them back by giving their
self-esteem as much support as I can as a friend where I think that it
has been damaged by the demands that this society puts on them as men,
unreasonable demands IMO. 

I pay back men in general for treating me with respect and thinking
specially about what I must endure as a woman by thinking specially
about what they must endure AS MEN.  This is not tit-for-tat.  I'm sure
you're not trying to argue that men fear the exact same things women do.

I am afraid of men at night when I cross a parking lot; men are not on
the whole afraid of women; this is what I have found.  If you need some
proof, let's hear from the men on the net and men in your life.  Men are
afraid that women laugh at them and will belittle them for losing this
tenuous thing called "manhood."  I appreciate it when men keep in mind
my legitimate fear for my safety, and reciprocate by not belittling them
or using them as meal tickets.

You scratch my back, I won't scratch yours, because in my experience you
don't itch there.  But, I will scratch your head.

Regards,
Janis C.




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