HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: richh@netcom.com (richh)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.butt.harp,alt.prose
Subject: RICHH AND PAUL TALK PILLOW SHAMS
Date: 13 Jan 93 04:07:35 GMT
Followup-To: alt.prose.d
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest)

Rich:  Hey Paul, what's a pillow sham?
Paul:  It's a kind of decorative covering for your pillow.  You   
       getting some?
R:  So it's a fancy pillowcase?
P:  Not exactly.  It doesn't close in the back.  It just *looks*  
    like a pillowcase.
R:  But you wouldn't sleep on one?
P:  No.  You just put them on if you're having company, or you're 
    showing the house.
R;  But Paul, I live in an apartment and I never entertain.
P:  So I guess you really don't need pillow shams then.
R:  Do they fit *over* the regular pillowcases?  Why *couldn't*   
    you sleep on one?
P:  Trust me, Rich.  It's just wrong.  I suppose you could force  
    them to fit over your normal pillowcases but then they'd get  
    all bunchy and no, it just wouldn't be right.
R:  So they're slit up the back?
P:  You could put it that way.  In fact, *you* would.
R:  I want some.  I think they'll spruce up my whole bedroom.  
P:  Rich, if your bedroom gets any sprucier I can't be your       
    friend anymore.
R:  Hey, *you're* the pillow sham expert, not me.  I think I'll   
    buy extra pillows, too, so I don't have to keep changing the  
    cases.
P:  You get those curtains yet, like I told you?
R:  No, but I got this killer bedskirt...

RICHH
From: terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (St Theresa of the Net)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: observations of my fellow victims
Date: 8 Jan 1993 01:55:34 GMT
Organization: Computing Something Division
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <1993Jan4.160808.14217@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson) writes:
> gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Sibyl Waugh) writes:
>>You know what I hate?  Rhetorical questions, that's what I hate.
>thanks for the memories, sibyl. how well i remember back in the 9th
>grade, chuckling at this very same joke. and how well i remember the
>intervening 5,000 times i heard this joke--each one is like a little
>town on the road of my life. how thoughtful of you.

actually, i prefer to think that the intervening 5,000 times are far more
like every stupid bumfuck town between here and milwaukee that the Amtrak
weenies stopped in to let hoards of people onto my train, especially the
stop that was possibly in St. Louis where they had to wake sleeping people
up at about 1 a.m. so other people could sit in the second seats and then
my legs kept falling asleep because i had to sleep somewhat upright with my
feet dangling off the legrest.

Thanks, again, Sibyl. 

-- 
A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah.   \  (414)CRUSH-13
T. Flynn's Casa de Interesting: 1755 N Cambridge Ave #306 Milwaukee WI 53202    
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@ferris.cray.com
Subject: Re: I Shot A Fish
Originator: jcarroll@ferris
Organization: Department of Gastrointestinal Distress
Date: 4 Jan 93 17:32:39 CST


In article <1i8cl8INN7b3@agate.berkeley.edu>, curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin) writes:
> In article <C0Awst.B02@rice.edu> caz@owlnet.rice.edu (HWRNMNBSOL) writes:
> >
> >This is the story of how Andrew J. Solberg shot the fish.
> 
> euphemismogenesis.
> 
> c

come on, curtis. I mean, I fully expect Woods to keep posting his lame
"worship yourself" line until somebody finally follows him up with a
crude attempt at a punchline, but (and I think I speak for others here)
WE'VE COME TO EXPECT BETTER OF YOU.

really.

(eat them up, YUM!!)
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: q(.)(.)lth-less-ness
Date: 12 Jan 93 13:30:52 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620

In article <9301120345.AA20856@prg.ox.ac.uk>, gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Craig Shergold) writes:
> 
> There is nothing qool, whacky, nor in the least bit bizarre about statistics 
> collected on the poor hoggets who have to fight the ever-helpful OUCS to be
> able to read news.  Damn it all, I carefully avoid reading newsfroups like
> oucs.publicly.snooping.on.its.users and oucs.extremely.boring.statistics and
> oucs.ooooh.look.reese.posted.thirteen.articles.to.talk.bizarre just so that 
> I don't have to see this sort of cock-eyed codswallop.
> 
> Nor is there anything in the very least bit bizarre about Oxford University 
> Computing Service, 13 Banbury Rd, Oxford, UK (achh, pffft) either, bless their
> grubby little cotton socks.  Oh well, maybe: calling them a Service perhaps.  
> Over the last month all they have done for me is to switch other people's 
> equipment off while I was using it, at next to no notice and at various
> unadvertised random times guaranteed to maximise my irritation.  (Who me?  
> Too much caffeine?  I beg to differ in the strongest possible terms!)  Mind 
> you, perhaps that is what they think it takes to be a real Qumputinsurvitz.
> 
> The one thing that /can/ be said for OUCS is that it was probably the original
> for the Man From U.N.C.L.E.:  you might think those are innocent enough looking
> Georgian houses, but go through the hallway and in through that even more 
> innocent looking little door in the back and lo and behold, what do you find?  
> Rooms full of antiquated '60s equipment, just like the U.N.C.L.E. bunkers.
> (
>  ) Tom Weston            thchemb4@black.oxford.ac.uk
> (
> Oh.
> A bloody alchemist.  And a theoretical one at that.
> Probably does not even make his own explosives.  
> I pray you, kindly depart this froup and this life.
> ___
>    I wonder why all my correspondence with the (Acting) Director of OUCS is
>    conducted in a pair of mutually unintelligible languages with ostensibly
>    polite but clipped formality?

Yet another casualty of the seduction of a second bowl of All Bran for
breakfast.

Jason
From: osa@wilbur.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: *****GALS*****
Date: 11 Jan 93 18:23:02
Organization: Springfield Elementary School
	<1993Jan8.014129.26524@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU>
	<C0JKA9.2oG@phage.cshl.org>
NNTP-Posting-Host: wilbur.unh.edu
In-reply-to: boutell@isis.cshl.org's message of Fri, 8 Jan 1993 15:27:44 GMT
X-Advertisement: Use Emacs
Comments: You're never alone with schizophrenia


Tom Boutell <boutell@isis.cshl.org> writes:

=> Of course you hate the '70s. You were working as a waitress in a
=> cocktail bar.

But we weren't born in the fifties. My mother haven't cried when
president Kennedy died.

--
D world destruction Over an overture N do i need Apostrophe T need this torture
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gj156879@alfred.carleton.ca ( gj student 156879)
Subject: Short Shameful Confession
Organization: Carleton University
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 21:49:45 GMT

I like the way the halls centre melts out on to my tongue.  I think
it's sexual.

                                                  Nik
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: CFV: alt.nuke.colorado
Date: 11 Jan 1993 00:39:49 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: stealth.intel.com

In article <1993Jan10.151101.1@vax1.mankato.msus.edu> skuff@vax1.mankato.msus.edu writes:
>Sounds like fun to me. Any one have some plutonium, and know how to build one? 

<*plonk*>

				--Blair
				  "If you have to ask,
				   you can't afford it."
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu (have clue, will travel)
Subject: Re: What new innovation, software or products do you want to see?
Reply-To: jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu
Organization: The Ghost Of Christmas Past Society
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 05:51:52 GMT


sho@bohr.physics.purdue.edu (Sho Kuwamoto) writes:
>In article <1993Jan5.191017.8401@tc.cornell.edu> mdw@db.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt
>Welsh) writes:
>>I sent this guy my suggestion about the Gerbil Toaster and got back the reply:
>>
>>>[automatic form letter]

>First, this guy posts to every group he can get his hands
>on.  Now, he's responding to his mail with an automatic
>mailer.

>5 quatloos to anyone who comes up with a way to bounce this
>guy's form letters back at him. 

Also known as:  misc.test, the Home Game.

>20 quatloos if you do it.

If you have enough quota to HANDLE all of the mail such a loop would generate,
400 quatloos if you give ME another account that can access some of it.  I've 
been looking for a place to store my copy of the Swedish translation of
the UNIX man pages.

			---jeff "man(6) was BORN to use the 0 with the
                                   slash through it..." c., ncsu.

--
     jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu    \\
              To KLH:          ---      Love ya, Katya!
                                  \\  have clue, will travel.
       ---------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: larryh@fawlty.lmc.com (Larry Huntley)
Subject: Re: Stupid Marketing Tricks
Organization: Logic Modeling Corporation  Beaverton,  OR
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 19:40:05 GMT

In article <76212@apple.apple.COM> bc@Apple.COM (bill coderre) writes:
>
>Crystal Pepsi was underwriting First Night in Boston.
>
>So check this out:
>   NO caffeine
>   NO sugar
>   NO caramel coloring
>   LESS carbonation
>   LESS flavorings
>
>What's next? Gossamer Pepsi with nothing but pure distilled water?
>
    Check out "Talking Rain" - Pure Spring Water with Essence of
    Berry.  What is essence of berry?  Did they let the water run
    over some berries (or leaves) when they were bottling it?  Tastes
    a lot like water to me.

    There is another bottled water (the name escapes me) here in
    Oregon that claims to be hand-collected as snow on Mt. Hood
    in buckets and packed out by llama.  My question has always been
    whether they collect the snow in front of or behind the llamas.

    - Larry "Sweet essence of llama" Huntley
-- 
         (larryh@lmc.com)         | I'm going to the love-in to sit
     Logic Modeling Corporation   |    and play my bongos in the dirt.
          Beaverton,  OR          |        - "Flower Punk", Frank Zappa
From: mdm@sparc2.prime.com (Michael D. McAfee)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Rictus Hep discusses sex and religion
Date: 12 Jan 93 20:27:16 GMT
Organization: Computervision



	"Masturbation is a sin?  But I thought God helps those who
	help themselves."



	Michael, the Chaotic
	disclaimer: maybe I can blame carasso for this post...
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy)
Subject: Re: A thought...
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 93 17:27:13 GMT

In article <1993Jan5.035635.11666@sol.UVic.CA> tniet@engr.UVic.CA writes:
>
>Wow someone on this newsgroup had a thought.  I thought that was something 
						 ^^^^^^^
>people reading this newsgroup were not supposed to do.
>
 
	you, my dear fuck, are an ignorant and contradictory loser. it is
painfully obvious that you have yet to feel the wonder of a chemoelectric
signal passing from one neuron to another. feel free to post once you can
say the word neurotransmitter without drooling. also, we do not just
'read' this group, it is our collective consciousness, and i've heard that
the group wants me to give you our warmest t.b. FUCK OFF (tm). bye bye.

--
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gj156879@alfred.carleton.ca ( gj student 156879)
Subject: Re: Cats That Eat Paint
Organization: Carleton University
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 01:19:14 GMT

>Sounds like me when I lean over the toilet retching my guts out.  I
>don't need my friends to tell me how stupid I am, but even that probably
>won't keep me from drinking too much again.

>How about comparing it too the idiots who smoke two packs of cigarettes
>each day.

There is the odd chance that you will drink yourself stupid and NOT
puke, where if you eat paint, or flowers, you are 100% guaranteed to
spew until your innards are vibrating.

>> 
>>We have to put flowers up on a high shelf or the cats will eat the
>>whole bloody thing.  

>If the cats could, they probably would buy the stuff on the streets.

This is true.  What we need to do then is find employment for my cats
so they can pay for the goddam things themselves.  What kind of work
could a cat do though, besides sit, meow, and be pathetic?  We already
have several pop singers that do that quite well enough as it is.
 
                                        Nik

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kevin@wicat.com (Kevin Vigor)
Subject: Rictus Hep on living cheap
Summary: weasels rip my flesh
Keywords: budgie cage bird rodent
Reply-To: kevin@elvis.wicat.com
Organization: WICAT Systems
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 05:17:44 GMT

"In winter, you don't need hairspray. Just don't dry your hair before
going outside."

-- 
		Peace & PopTarts, 
			Kevin
Email to the reply address will almost certainly bounce; use
72500.3705@compuserve.com
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Men are pigs, part two
Date: 5 Jan 93 16:28:20 GMT
Distribution: talk
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620

In article <schnitzi.726157811@eola.cs.ucf.edu>, schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius) writes:
> My girlfriend is going away for the semester.  Just last
> week we had this conversation:
> 
etc.

      I'm sorry, but she's with me now.

Jason

> --mark
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: L.H.Wood@lut.ac.uk
Subject: Re: Research student in high-performance networking 
Followup-To: misc.test
Reply-To: L.H.Wood@lut.ac.uk (Lloyd Wood)
Organization: Loughborough University, UK.
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 93 21:05:24 GMT

I have no joke here, I just like saying 'Research student in high-performance
networking'.

In the Department of Computer STUDIES? HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.butt.harp
From: emery@goldfinger.mitre.org (David Emery)
Subject: Re: winged monkeys?
Organization: The Mitre Corp., Bedford, MA.
	<1993Jan10.050425.2583@mcc.com>
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 22:42:45 GMT

>Now that the Democrats are back in power can we all just LIGHTEN UP???

What, with the "Hight Priestess of Political Correctness" in the
cabinet?  What happens when someone finds a.b-h offensive???  

				dave
From: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Dave Polewka - talk Bizarre's very own twonk. Anagrams.
Date: 10 Jan 1993 07:18:42 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc4.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, dac@prolix.apana.org.au (Andrew Clayton) says:

>Blazon twelve awkward prokaryote knives. 
>[...]
>Invoke westward, walkover krypton ablaze.
>[...]
>Awkward blazon keystone privet walkover 

 1. Andrew Klayton's twelve!  Kavkaz Power!  Brio!
 2. Kanberra Kopz walk over laws, yet don't wive!

-- 
=======================
"Endeavor to persevere"
=======================
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Snail address needed
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 17:34:14 GMT


The first person to email me their snail mail address will receive
a FREE! catalog of Eva Gabor wigs. Also, please indicate whether you
would like me to check off yes or no to the question "Do you ever
wear wigs?"
From: an1788@anon.penet.fi
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: unlikely saints
Date: 8 Jan 93 15:42:26 GMT
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: talk.bizarre

gervase & protease

biochemists & martyrs
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi.
Due to the double-blind system, any replies to this message will be anonymized,
and an anonymous id will be allocated automatically. You have been warned.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: Eric De Mund <ead@netcom.com>
Subject: editorial: man dying from hepatitis b is given a baboon's liver
X-Reply-To: Eric De Mund <ead@netcom.com>
Reply-To: Eric De Mund <ead@netcom.com>
Organization: Netcom Online Communication Services
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 04:16:19 GMT

today's ny times has an article on the world's second recipient of a
baboon liver (the man is dying of hepatitis b). his chronic hepatitus b
infection would most likely infect a donated human liver, but baboon
livers are believed to be resistant to hepatitis b.

this raises several questions. first, this transplanting of individual
organs strikes me as a very conservative approach to medicine. it would
seem advantageous to investigate the transplanting of _entire_ baboons
into humans, as there are undoubtedly benefits to be derived from other
baboon organs. why not start with the entire baboon and gradually
eliminate the organs that are found to lack benefit? [followups
concerning the rumors that this is already the practice within the halls
of congress to alt.politics.] second, does such an organ recipient
continue to enjoy all the rights and privileges of citizenship? how high
a percentage baboon can a person be and still hold public office? can a
person with even one organ from a baboon that was born outside of the
united states become president? finally, how is a person's baboon
percentage measured? by weight? by volume? do objective measures even
exist, or can only subjective tests, such as a modified turing test, be
applied?

every day that we fail to consider these and similar questions, the law
falls further behind science and technology. however difficult, we must
begin applying ourselves to the solution of these legal and moral issues
_now_. the day that we can only choose from among baboons to occupy the
highest office of the land is much too late.

eric de mund <ead@netcom.com>

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy)
Subject: how one becomes drunk
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,rec.pets,misc.test,alt.job.gooley
Summary: i am no artist
Keywords: lemur
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 93 21:06:55 GMT

this is how ethanol C2H5OH makes you drunk. i hope i can draw all this shit 
ok. first off, here's what EtOH really looks like (really! i've seen it!)



            H-O        H
               \      /  		
	     H--C----C--H       EtOH
               /      \         
              H        H
                              
you can imagine the groups bonded to the each of the carbons forming a sort 
of tripod shape if placed on end. each of the postions is available to each 
of the groups and there is rapid rotation about the C--C bond.

the point of this is that the molecule is lopsided. it is unbalanced. due 
to brownian motion molecules are always moving in when in solution. but, 
because the EtOH molecule is lopsided it swings sort of like a pendulum and 
as such is always crashing in to other things, like the inside of your head 
for instance. it this this banging around which makes you feel light headed 
and sort of dizzy. it is also what causes the hangover you might get the 
next day. it's really no surprise that peoples heads hurt the next day when 
they had a lopsided molecule crashing around their head all night.
--
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,sci.chem,sci.med,alt.drugs
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy)
Subject: Re: how one becomes drunk
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,misc.test,sci.chem,sci.med,alt.drugs
Summary: i am a stupid shit
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Keywords: lemur
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 93 02:32:20 GMT
Expires: never

In article <gHw5wB2w165w@cerianthus.pinetree.org> cowan@cerianthus.pinetree.org (Darin Cowan) writes:
>pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy) writes:
>
>> >you became drunk faster on the alcohols that had a greater number of carbons
>> >then this would add support for your theory.
>> >--scott
>> 
>> go for it. get back to me after you've tested isopropanol, butanol, and
>> isoamyl alcohol. (you could try phenol too but it's not so lopsided, it
>> could be the control)
>
>I can't say for the others, but you can only get dead after consumption of
>(a lot of) isopropanol.  You cannot get drunk on it.

no! really!! kitty d. must have been trying to die!! no way!! as a 2nd
year loser grad student in biochemistry i'm really, i mean *REALLY* glad
you told me this. i wouldn't wanna have a committee meeting and tell them
my theory and have it just shot to hell when i tell them about my
controls! golly no!! ha. no, make that, HA.  

btw, the other will kill you as well. the phenol will also burn the shit
out of your insides as it denatures every protein in your digestive
system. fun fun fun!! get it now!!! it was a joke!! right, a *JOKE*!! 
--
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: INTERNATIONAL FAT.BOB (FDT.BOI and FIT.BOF)
Date: 11 Jan 1993 18:15:51 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: stealth.intel.com

In article <C0nF6G.LxJ@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM> jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods) writes:
>Does anyone have the 800 number for the PLO?

1-800-JEWS-JEW

				--Blair
				  "Pretty low on the food chain."
From: bc@Apple.COM (bill coderre)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Moods
Date: 7 Jan 93 12:08:54 GMT
Organization: Apple Computer Inc, Cupertino, CA

Annie-face:
|Grendel, looking at one of my fiance's cassette tapes.
|Reads one side: "Achtung Baby..." (flip) "...Dixie land jazz...?
|Now what kinda mood would ya hafta be in to listen to *this* *tape*?"

Well, that's why you have the four-track cassette, after all, so that
you can listen to both sides at the same time.

I'll leave it to you to decide which side should be playing backwards.

mr HEINOUS
From: mrx@sgi.com (cloaking the constant k)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: WHY ANIMAL OWNERS SHOULD BE SHOT ON SIGHT
Date: 6 Jan 93 23:49:23 GMT
Organization: the theory that jack built

carasso@Turing.ORG (Roger Carasso) writes:

>...FUCKING RODENT... 
>...A BUNNY ROOM.  

ahem, lagomorph.

this would normally be a gratuitous,
useless piece of information, but i
did not in this case wish to deprive 
mr. carasso of his chance to breed
because of an oversight as simple as
this.


		mr x

		advice: stick with gerbils
--
mrx@annexia.esd.sgi.com
rmr@sgi.com
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu (Mark Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: Mr. Ghaly is the right man in the right place.
Keywords: huh?
Organization: University of Central Florida
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 02:58:39 GMT

pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy) writes:

>hey, i'll start.  MY dad can drink twice as much beer as yours...
>--

Probably.  My dad drinks Black Label Non-Alcoholic Malt Beverage, the
worst non-alcoholic beer in the known universe.

Boutros Boutros-Schnitzius
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre