HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: jfox@sumax.seattleu.edu (---------FOX---------)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Depressed? Any takers?
Date: 12 Dec 92 00:11:17 GMT
Distribution: alt.angst
Organization: Seattle University

Is this the right place to be?
oh i don't know anymore
life sucks 
i admit it 
so should Ted (Nothing Shocking)
Ted just admit it (Jane's Addiction)

Shadoxx

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard)
Subject: Re: : Camus is my psychotherapist 
Organization: /u1/duke/.organization
	<1992Dec18.034656.3247@blaze.cs.jhu.edu>
Date: 18 Dec 92 14:01:46


In article <1992Dec18.034656.3247@blaze.cs.jhu.edu> callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan) writes:

   >Yes, those are the two ways to read a sine-post.  Shall we
   >take a vote?

   >        self-absorbed whining:     1
   >        art:                       0

   Why does it have to be either?  Whatever it is, I find that it makes much more
   engaging reading than your random potshots.

Hmm... Interesting point.


--
Duke Robillard, DoD #0130, duke@osf.org
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: moscoso@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Innocuous Punch)
Subject: Thrill of Inaction
Keywords: pathy-a
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 02:52:29 GMT

Have I see the world for what it is?
A grain of sand,
Topol on screen,
denizen lice on a flickering life, bleeding on I-74...

I remember the days when I collected Peanuts comics,
gloating over Snoopy on newsprint.  I drank some milk,
and overheard my mother through the screen door,
wrestling with the Spring.

OH, and Christmas isn't really on my mind now, although maybe it should be.
Where was I?  Oh yes..  Inaction.  It seems to solve quite a bit of
problems, but before I continue, let me say that I'm not referring to any
religious or pre-set philisophical molds.  No, I'm quite ignorant of Eastern
thought, so I'm not basing this on anything.

I've taken a curious pleasure this past year, simply by finding myself in the
midst of favorable circumstances, yet refusing to partake in any type of
social fun.  or..  Funs.

But of course, I'm lying my ass off.  I'm having fun right now.  I'm not
too bad _just_yet_, because I had a good day talking to a friend who's
getting engaged soon -- good life, good hopes, nice dreams, solid future.

Sometimes it actually makes you want to act, actually...

--
-ivan	(this post isn't ready for publication yet)
Newsgroups: alt.angst,talk.bizarre
From: sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay)
Subject: Re: syrupy holiday movies (was: this may be angst, I think)
Organization: Mitre Corporation, McLean, VA
Distribution: usa
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 14:55:08 GMT

In article <1992Dec14.230133.3657@ncsu.edu> jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu writes:
>
>
>My dad, who could sit through Howard Cosell without flinching, was throwing
>things at the television screen.  Good thing we had a TV Brick[tm].
>
>		---jeff "gotta love the Fads of the Seventies" c., ncsu.
			^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
NO!....NO!...NO!..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Death to Disco,Lava Lamps, Big Ugly Gold Medallions,Pet Rocks, Nehru
Jackets and everything else spawned by the Decade of All Plasticity
and Evil!
KILLKILLKILLKILL!!!!!!

----Steve(Not a 70s preservation society member)
(Okay, well, Punk was the ONE thing good to come out of the '70s)
-- 
---------
sokay@cyclone.mitre.org
		"Your Mind....My Playground" ---me 
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard)
Subject: Re: Books, please
Organization: /u1/duke/.organization
	<DUKE.92Dec17181650@portal.paperboy.osf.org>
	<BzFJ3n.Fq1@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu>
	<DUKE.92Dec18193848@portal.paperboy.osf.org>
	<BzI4r2.33t@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu>
Date: 19 Dec 92 11:51:59

In article <BzI4r2.33t@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu> moscoso@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Innocuous Punch) writes:

   >That's not how it seemed to me.  It seemed more like clinical depression,
   >where her feelings *weren't* reactions to her environment, but rather came
   >from within.  

   The Bell Jar to Esther is not depression ... but rather, a
   choking environment where her role as a woman in society is so ill-defined,
   and she can not find a way to relate to it all.  

Hmm.. I hadn't read it that way at all....  Interesting perspective.
I'm gonna have to re-read the book, looking for this.  Fortunately,
I'm about to go home for two weeks, so I even have the opportunity.  

Now there's something to look forward to:  carefully reading a 
book about a suicide to determine whether she's just depressed or
is making a statement about society.  Cool.

   I think looking at the novel as an example of a psychological condition
   trivializes the author's intent. 

Fair enough, I'll give it another shot

--
Duke Robillard, DoD #0130, duke@osf.org
angst.motorcycles: "We may be doomed, but at least the adrenaline keeps us awake"
From: llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Depression
Date: 20 Dec 92 22:47:07 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5


 sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay) writes:

: rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins) writes:
:
: > i was playing w
: >with a recently acquired switchblade last night, and it's funny, but i was 
: >picturing the blood that would come out of my white wrist,
:
: Y'know I did this when I was 19 and feeling relatively suicidal. 

strange. for me, wanting to hurt myself was always divorced from
feeling suicidal. i went through times in my life when th urge to hurt
myself was really strong: i wanted to step on brokn glass on purpose,
or punch through a window, or cut myself with knives, or plunge my
hand into a pot of boiling water. the idea wasn't to die, though. i
wanted pain, to feel real pain and punish myself and probably to step
into the role of abuser that was vacant in my life. i never gave in to
these impulses, either; i'll admit to a kind of perverse glee, a
visceral satisfaction in having these feelings, but there was a part
of myself that didn't want to be *that* sick, and it won.

: and just wanted to go off myself, I would sit and stare in at the pile of
: pills in my hands for hours until I got bored or fell asleep with them
: in my hands. None of this really made me feel much better, but it helped
: pass the time. 
: [...]
: I don't think actually doing it is the big thing that everybody makes
: it out to be. GETTING there to the point where you can is the big
: thing...

like i said, my self-destructive impulses were never suicidal. the
time i came closest to succeeding at suicide, there wasn't any of the
manic intensity and rage filling my stomach, choking off in my throat.
i was just tired, very tired, and i wasn't afraid of being dead
anymore, and the stuff was there and it made sense to take it. i was
online at the time, having conversations with friends, and thinking
how cool i was that i'd found the courage to actually do it and
wondering at how soon it would all be over. and then after a while i
just felt very limp and detached and spaced out, like i wasn't
connected to my body anymore. in the emergency room waiting to vomit,
i kept moving my arms and watching them move, mildly surprised that my
thoughts were controlling my body and feeling like the air was viscous
around my hands.

it wasn't defiance, it wasn't anger. i was weary, too weary to go on.
rem has a song, "something to breathe," which really sums up how i
felt when i started taking the pills.

you're right, steve. the actual act is anticlimactic. it's getting up
to the decision point and falling over that edge that's hard.

--
sine | deb
who isn't quite sure about posting this.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: ges@stiatl.salestech.com (Gerald Sullivan)
Subject: Re: How about "Fuck YOU"
Organization: Sales Technologies, Inc.
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 15:29:29 GMT

<IDMLH@ASUACAD.BITNET> writes:

>I am not some "Jesus Saves" Missionary.  I am someone who enjoys
                                               ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^            
>the holiday of Christmas.  And if you don't believe in Christmas

>...

>are you just faking to appease a family member?  I don't really
>give a shit if you like Christmas or not...it doesn't interest
>me...what I really find infuriating is that you seem to think that
>anyone would care whether or not you enjoy Christmas.  I was just

So what is your point? You don't care, so you respond. 
Had too much holiday cheer to be coherent?

Similarly, I don't care if you like xmas or are infuriated by people
who don't. I think xmas is a marketing ploy. I am perfectly able to 
enjoy my relatives and friends  year round and don't need elves and some
fat guy in a red suit to help me. 

Infuriated? I hope so.




-- 
___________________________________________________________________
Jerry Sullivan, Sales Technologies, Inc.  Atlanta,GA 
ges@salestech.com,...uupsi!stiatl!ges I don't speak for my employer.
Don't blame me, I voted Libertarian.
Newsgroups: alt.angst,alt.suicide.holiday
From: callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan)
Subject: Re: Depression
Organization: Johns Hopkins Computer Science Department, Baltimore, MD
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 00:46:19 GMT

lynn@physics.auburn.edu (Owen P Lynn) writes:

>         1. I'm a lifeless geek.
>            a. I'm 20 and still a virgin
>            b. I've had only one date

Hey, at 20 things still have a chance to improve.  I waited until your age
before I *started* my adolescence.  Think how it'll be when you're 27.  
If I could just find a nice patch of desert to set up house, I'd be
ready to declare my hermit status officially.

>            c. My chances at meeting members of the opposite
>               sex can only go DOWN as time increases. A
>               graduate student who finds love? Shyeah,
>               and monkeys might fly outa my butt. And how
>               many professional scientists find love at the
>               workplace? NOT MANY.

This is true, but if you're really serious, then it's pretty dumb to limit
yourself to the workplace.  As I'm sure you're aware, any female in a
scientific/technical environment will already have about ten other geeks 
hitting on her.  Unless you seriously enjoy jealousy and creative mindgames, 
I suggest you expand your horizons.

>            d. For all intents and purposes, I am INVISIBLE
>               to members of the opposite sex.

I have another theory about this.  I know I'm not invisible.  I'm not even
all that bad looking, or socially clueless.  I attribute all of my problems
to pheromones.  I figure, I don't emit any; hence, females, while they 
consciously consider me to be male, don't really believe it subconsciously.
At any rate, females seem not so much to dislike me as to be utterly shocked 
at the suggestion that I might want to go out with them.

Well... you don't have to buy my theory, but I suggest you adopt an
equally convenient scapegoat.

>         2. The more we know about the universe, the more it
>            seems pointless.
>            a. everything outside of earth is extremely hostile
>               to human life.
>            b. 2nd law of thermodynamics
>            c. big bang
>            d. big crunch

Yeah.  Yeah.  I got over this a long time ago.  The mistake was to look for 
a point in the first place.

>         3. Humans are incredibly selfish, greedy, stupid animals
>            with no long term memory, and no ability to think
>            about the future. Who cares what happens? We're all
>            going to be dead very soon, with respect to the universe,
>            and even geological history. We're just a flash in the
>            pan.

But just think about the ones you see around you that are more selfish,
greedier, and stupider than you.  While you're counting down the Brahma years,
they're busy boinking their brains out.  Given the scenario you describe, 
I'll leave you to figure out which is the more appropriate response. 

--
Paul Callahan
callahan@cs.jhu.edu
From: elliott-bruce@yale.edu (Bruce Elliott)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Depression
Date: 13 Dec 1992 21:23:24 -0500
Organization: Yale University Science & Engineering UNIX(tm), New Haven, CT 06520-2158
NNTP-Posting-Host: minerva.cis.yale.edu

In article <lynn.921213154811@fusion.physics.auburn.edu> lynn@physics.auburn.edu (Owen P Lynn) writes:
>What I've always found to get me in a really good funk, is
>to just think about my life, and how utterly meaningless
>and empty the whole world is around me. Some of my favorite
>personal points to ponder:
>

I know the feeling exactly.  When I begin thinking about how much I hate my
life, it can lead into a major major depressive episode.

I have, however, recently decided that I cannot commit suicide -- it would
be a logistical nightmare.

First of all, I have to leave enough money for my apartment mate to pay
my rent and a good chunk of utilities for the rest of the lease period on
the apartment.  I would feel really guilty sticking him in a situation
where he'd be responsible for twice as much rent without being able to
afford it.  Actually, if I keep my expenses down, I could manage this in
another paycheck or two, but I'd have to go to the bank and close out my
account to leave him cash because I'm not sure if my finances would be
frozen in the event of my death.  I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving
a check.

Next, I wouldn't want to leave a single suicide note with my body, since
I couldn't be sure that everyone who should see it would.  Plus, I'm sure
that it would be somewhat traumatic for both my apartment mate and my parents
if people who hadn't heard called several months later and asked to speak
to me.  So, I would have to send out a bunch of letters to a bunch of people
with a custom suicide note sent to each person.  This opens up the problem
that if I send such a note to person X and not to person Y, and then person
Y hears about person X's note, will person Y be insulted?  And I thought
deciding who to send Christmas cards to was complicated!

Finally, what would happen if my suicide attempt was unsuccessful.  The
ensuing hospitalization and interrogation by everyone I know sounds
exquisitely embarrassing.

So I've decided that the whole thing is too darn complicated to be
worth doing.  Probably not the best reason for prolonging my
existence, but perhaps this just means I don't really want to do it.

Oh, many of you may have noticed by now that one of my major 
problems in life is being so concerned with what other people think
about me that I am effectively paralyzed much of the time.


Alex.

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: winkern@columbia.dsu.edu (NANCY MARIE WINKER)
Subject: Re: And a Happy New Year!
Organization: Dakota State University
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 08:31:02 GMT


>Oh, we are dearie, we are!  We're so sick that we're incapable of
>using our editors!
>
>Seriously, hon, if you don't edit the included text in your replies then
>no one will read your postings.

Seriously, HON, yourself, I responded to someone who responded to me.  If I 
screwed up, my apologies.  I'm rather new at this.  Please lay off.  The 
last thing I need is your criticism with everything else in my miserable 
life.  Get off my case, man.  If you're so good at this, why don't you send 
me directions?  Who said you could call me HON?  I mean, do you know me so 
well that you think I'm just a HON of a person?  Get to know me a little 
better!

I'm sorry.  It's 2:30 a.m. and I'm still doing my Final Projects.  My 
newspaper job is getting to me--I'm in the office right now thinking about 
arson.

I'm not really sorry.  I just don't like having to defend myself for 
something so petty.



Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: fsquared@eff.org (Fawn Fitter)
Subject: Re: everything
Originator: fsquared@eff.org
Organization: The Electronic Frontier Foundation
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 20:57:22 GMT

Well, to quote Bruce Cockburn,

Anything could happen
To put out the light
Is it any wonder
I don't wanna say goodnight?
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: dsteinbe@nmsu.edu (David Steinberg)
Subject: Re: Depression
Organization: New Mexico State University
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 16:58:10 GMT

Let's try this again (I'm sorry if my earlier message also was
posted...)

In article <85342@ut-emx.uucp> llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:
     
            (orginial text deleted)  

>
>instead of joining the chorus of "20's not that old to be a virgin"
>(they're right, though), i'm curious about the implied message here:
>unless you're getting laid, you don't have a life. unless you have
>"true love" you don't have a life.
>
>love's a nice thing, addictive in its own way. and having a regular
>sex partner and someone to cuddle up with is nice, too. but does the
>lack of these things automatically mean you have no life at all? say
>i'm doing interesting, fun, creative things and hanging out with
>friends and just sort of existing in a way that makes me really happy,
>not actively seeking romance but not closing it out. is all that
>pointless unless i'm getting fucked x number of times per week?
>
>in fairness, i don't think that's what you meant, but it's a logical
>consequence of your words. maybe that attitude is present to some
>degree in your life?

I dunno... I'd argue that while having a SO is no big deal, never
having one is.  All around you you see people who have someone they
can trust, someone who will always be there for them, someone who
LOVES them, and you think, "What's wrong with me?  Why can't anyone
love me?  Am I that pathetic..."  Now I know that the reality of being
in a relationship is not (usually) that idyllic.  It becomes part of
your everyday exp., until it is not a big deal anymore.   But even
though having a SO might not be that important, not having one is...

-David "ZZYZX" Steinberg- King of the ellipses
       (dsteinbe@emmy.nmsu.edu)
**********************************************************************
*"There's a dog in the station  *"I can't believe I'm a junior and a *
* With a bad reputation         * film major, when all I really      *
* That's a sign of the nation's * wanted in this life was to marry a *
* Decay"                        * lobsterman and cook fish."         *
* -Phish                        * -a letter from Christie Searing    *
**********************************************************************
From: rhogan@aludra.usc.edu (Ron Hogan)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: angst according to the dictionary
Date: 20 Dec 1992 19:17:58 -0800
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: aludra.usc.edu


From the American Heritage Dictionary
of the English Language (hey, I'm at
home and can't find and OED-- the only
real dictionary-- so this will have to do):

angst: a feeling of anxiety.

Nothing about intellectual justification.
An Oxford English Dictionary definition will
follow shortly unless somebody beats me to the
punch with it.

Ron
(by shortly I mean within 2-3 days; modem time
has to be cut short over break due to long-
distance rates.)
From: llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: self-defense
Date: 17 Dec 92 18:31:52 GMT
Reply-To: llama@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

bleah. i was going to ignore all this stuff, because it didn't sseem
necessary to reply, but something about people i've never even
corresponded with dissecting my character as if they know me
intimately... bleah.

i really don't want to be argued about; it's annoying and
embarrassing. 

i hang out here 'cause i like it. it's an outlet for whatever i haappen
to be thinking at the time. sometimes the things i think are
interesting, sometimes they're overly melodramatic. a lot of times i
get cool email from people telling me i write well or that i've said
something they really needed to hear. that makes me feel good and
encourages me to dump more stuff out there.

i'm coming out of a period of great instability and chaos in my life.
for the first time, i'm learning how to accept the good things and the
bad things about myself without getting weirded out. self-praise
without conceit, self-criticism without abuse. i don't think i'm
unstable now, though that adjective certainly applies to my life from
last march through october or so.

how i see myself: as someone who's survived a lot of things that might
have pulled other people under, as a person who has a bit more than
the average amount of insight and honesty, and who is able to express
her thoughts and feelings well. i think i'm a good writer, and i've
been told that others concur. should i hypocritically put on false
modesty and say my writing sucks? i'm not into game-playing anymore.

sometimes i do get overly melodramatic and even verge on being
mystical about stuff. sometimes i probably post stuff that would be
better off unsaid. sometimes i say things that pretty much,
consciously or unconsciously, are asking people to tell me i'm okay
and should keep writing. sometimes i just want feedback, attention.

so how does that make me any different from anyone else who writes to
the net?

i really think that if you object that much to my style, you should
just put me in your kill file. it's a fairly simple thing to do, and
it would prevent this sort of thread from happening again.

and finally, a note to duke: i've spent too much of my life being
squashed by people whenever i said anything at all positive about
myself. the article you responded to wasn't boastful or even all that
self-congratulatory, and i'm not going to pretend to hate myself just
to satisfy you that i'm being properly modest and aware of my place.
your attack was out of line and out of proportion. please put me in
your kill file and fuck off.

--
sine | deb
now can we talk about something else?

btw, pooh seems to be down. if mail bounces, use
llama@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu
Xref: sparky alt.angst:4939 alt.suicide.holiday:3145
From: triley@weber.ucsd.edu (Tristan Riley)
Newsgroups: alt.angst,alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Depression
Date: 20 Dec 1992 01:40:26 GMT
Organization: University of California, San Diego
NNTP-Posting-Host: weber.ucsd.edu

In article <lynn.921213154811@fusion.physics.auburn.edu> lynn@physics.auburn.edu (Owen P Lynn) writes:
>What I've always found to get me in a really good funk, is
>to just think about my life, and how utterly meaningless
>and empty the whole world is around me. Some of my favorite
>personal points to ponder:
>
>         1. I'm a lifeless geek.
>            a. I'm 20 and still a virgin
>            b. I've had only one date
>            c. My chances at meeting members of the opposite
>               sex can only go DOWN as time increases. A
>               graduate student who finds love? Shyeah,
>               and monkeys might fly outa my butt. And how
>               many professional scientists find love at the
>               workplace? NOT MANY.
>            d. For all intents and purposes, I am INVISIBLE
>               to members of the opposite sex.
>
>         2. The more we know about the universe, the more it
>            seems pointless.
>            a. everything outside of earth is extremely hostile
>               to human life.
>            b. 2nd law of thermodynamics
>            c. big bang
>            d. big crunch
>
>         3. Humans are incredibly selfish, greedy, stupid animals
>            with no long term memory, and no ability to think
>            about the future. Who cares what happens? We're all
>            going to be dead very soon, with respect to the universe,
>            and even geological history. We're just a flash in the
>            pan.
>
>Hope that helps -- NOT
>

HA! At last something shows up on this news group that is both funny
and NOT ABOUT FUCKING CHRISTMAS! don't fret, you wonderful person,
you'll be fine--it's all the sheep who keep crying about how much
1) they hate christmas 2) bad stuff happens to them during the
holiday season or 3) they really think rudolph and santa are cool
role models for the kids  who need their ears flushed out with
lighter fluid and a match.  okay, christmas is full of shit, so what
the fuck else is new?  twenty trillion other shitty things going on
in the world to whine about and everyone has to pick this one over
and over and over again?                            

mini-diatribe ends here,

t