From: clare@nynexst.com (Clare Chu)
Subject: Re: Homosexuality/Bisexuality
Organization: Nynex Science and Technology
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 92 15:08:08 GMT

In article <SHAW.92Dec18180230@cobra.lcs.mit.edu> shaw@cobra.lcs.mit.edu (Andy Shaw) writes:
>
>To bring this topic back to Asian-American relevance, I find it a bit
>surprising that I have the same revulsion to the concept of "rice queens"
>and "potato queens", that I do to the usual WM/AF, AM/WF "fetish" stuff.  I
>don't think it is because I feel that I own all Asian gays and lesbians (as
>is the usual white boy response to complaints of Asian fetishism by Asian
>men: "you think you own all Asian women, you chauvinist Oriental pig" ...
>with the subtext usually being "but in fact, *I* do because I'm more
>'enlightened' and treat them right".  Uh huh.).  The notion of white men
>looking for submissive young gay Asian men, and white lesbians having the
>same "lotus blossom" stereotypes of Asian women is identically disturbing.

  You're right.  It's disturbing NOT because we "own" Asian men, women,
  gays, lesbians.  But because we ARE Asian-Americans and stereotypes
  like that effect our lives, and the lives of our children.  It affects
  the attitudes that other people hold towards us, the opportunities
  that we'll have or not have, the friends that we will have or not
  have, the quality of life and the image of our community.
>
  Perhaps, we have it "easy" in that we're only complaining about sexual
  politics.  But these sexual stereotypes can and will affect other aspects
  of our lives, from job promotions (or non-promotions) to what neighborhoods
  we feel confident in living in.  For example, if someone's stereotype
  of you is a "lotus blossom", how are they going to promote you to be
  a fore(man-woman) of a factory?  You're too fragile, too delicate for
  a "tough" position like that... (in their mind).  Or if someone thinks
  that Asian men are sexist pigs, then they might decide not to hire one
  for Director of Equal Opportunity or Human Resources.

  Recently I got "zapped" when some guy asked me what the sex of my baby
  (I'm expecting) is.  I said, "I think it's a girl, and my husband is
  very happy."  He looked at me like my husband was some sort of weirdo
  and said, "But most Chinese men want boys."  Yeah, like he's an expert
  on Chinese-ge men.  First of all, my husband is not Chinese-ge, and
  even if he were, is one to automatically assume that he prefers boys?
  When I was in the hospital with my son (labeled Baby Chu, since they
  label the baby based on the mother's last name), several doctors came
  in to see my roommate and then turned to me and said, "Your husband must
  be very happy.  Since Chinese men all want boys." or "You're lucky you
  had a boy, now the pressure is off."  Grrrr......

  Taken by themselves, these comments seem harmless enough.  But look behind
  and you'll see that if the person is your boss, they'll just naturally
  assume that your husband dominates your life.  They'll assume that you
  don't think your job is important, that you'll naturally take 4 months
  off for maternity leave (my boss was shocked when I said 6-8 weeks, he
  said, but doesn't the baby need his mommy?).  They'll assume that you're
  a docile submissive person who has to be protected against business
  politics and decisions ("just leave the politics to me, you handle the
  technical things.").  Now tell me if sexual stereotypes don't matter.

  I am disturbed about sexual stereotypes not because I'm selfish and
  think I own all Asian men, women, gays, lesbians and bi.  But precisely
  because I am Asian-American and I hate to see harmful stereotypes
  perpetuated by ignorant people and preached as gospel truth.  The same
  way if I were Black and people hold the stereotype that all Blacks
  are criminals, it immediately affects me and my family because I'm
  more likely to be gunned down in the middle of somebody else's
  altercation because cops don't stop to ask questions.  (Look at
  Mr. Pannell, a New York City transit cop working undercover.  He
  was gunned down by 4 white transit cops who fired 21 shots before
  asking any questions.  He is now paralyzed.  All they saw was a black
  man involved in an altercation and guess who they shot at?).

  More directly the "lotus blossom" stereotype is annoying when I was
  single.  And it did demean me.  But ultimately it didn't affect me
  too much since I was aware of it.  It is the implications that it
  carries in the real world that matters.  It means that in addition to
  proving myself in work and academic situations, I have to be conscious
  of fighting stereotypes.  Maybe that's why a lot of us technical
  type women don't wear makeup.  I noticed that my former boss, wore
  makeup when she was first hired, and within a month, she stopped
  wearing makeup.  People take her more seriously without it.  Is this
  nontrivial?  I think not.  Why should she change because of other
  people's stereotypes?  Evidently she felt it easier to change her
  appearance than deal with the implied veiled stereotypical references.
Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american