From: anon-1410@twwells.com (Angel & all)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: hi
Date: 17 Nov 92 05:42:22 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

ANON-Name: Angel & all

Hi.

We haven't posted here before.  Well, we used to be on a long time ago but we
used a different name and we thought we were just one person back then, so in
a way we are new here.  Have been reading for a while.  Didn't know what name
to use & finally decided on Angel & all 'cause one of our little ones is called
Angel (it's not really her name, but she likes it & won't tell us her real name
because she wants to be called Angel -- 'cause a little girl at a camp was
called that & I think she thinks she is like that little girl.

We don't think we are just one person (even though we are in one body) but we
aren't really sure & sometimes we think we are just one person & we're really
just making it all up, but then Stephanie gets mad because we can't deny that
Stephanie is here & the 'real' and 'grown-up' person ISN'T Stephanie, so that
makes at least two, so maybe the rest of us are real too.  In some way or 
another.

We have a friend who we talk to about us a lot & today she said that she believes
we are a multiple -- and we said why 'cause we weren't really believing it then
and she said because she has met some of us & we act different & a few have
different name & we say we a lot.  oh.  maybe that means something, don't know.
I think whoever I am right now I'm not particularly old.  sorry if that isn't 
okay.

oh.  we are a survivor of sexual abuse.  by our mother and our aunts and 
strangers and 'friends' and 'boyfriends'  (and sort of a 'girlfriend' but that
more just us not really wanting to be sexual & not saying so & being sexual
anyway, she didn't actually coerce us into anything)  (we're bisexual bi the
way, at least the grownups are)  we remembered about a year ago & our life kind
of fell apart & is still not very 'together' 'cause we often aren't very
functional, but that is okay 'cause we are healing we think.  (It is so nice to
be able to say we over and over and over 'cause we think like that most of the
time but are really scared to say it 'cause we think it makes people 
uncomfortable and sometimes it makes us uncomfortable because we don't always
believe it & we don't want to confuse people or make them afraid of us or think
that we are crazy, but you don't know us & we could always stop reading ASAR and
turn off our anonymous e-mail so that you couldn't affect us at all, so this is
okay.  nice even)

don't think we have MPD -- we talk to each other & several of us all often
around at the same time & usually one or the other main big people have the 
actual control, though Stephanie did once that we remember.  But we do talk to 
people & then not 'remember' later -- did that lots with a boyfriend in high 
school -- we think sometimes maybe different people were there different times
and sometimes we just made the memories go away, just like we make ourselves go
to sleep sometimes.  I usually don't know who 'I' refers to though -- I often
don't know who I am and that is kind of scary.  recently I often don't know 
where I am or I think I'm in the wrong year too and that is almost scarier 
because we think it means memories and well, we don't like memories, they are
scary and they hurt & we don't feel good & sometimes we hurt ourselves (just a
little bit though) and we don't want to believe that that family could have 
done anything as awful as we think they might have.

we were about to apologize for this being so long and kind of rambly (rambley?)
(ramboly?) but then we thought that maybe we don't need to & 'sides we think
rambley (going to go look that up, want to spell it right, be right back)
oh, maybe we meant rambling.  yeah, rambling.  sorry about that, sometimes our
spelling ain't so great, when we ran away from home we brought our spelling book
(didn't stay ran away, a nasty man scared us back home, but that later, we 
didn't put in a spoiler--hey neat, that was a big person coming out when us
little ones were typing.  fun how we can share sometimes)

sorry if we sound really silly, but maybe we are really silly and most of you
seem like nice people anyway & concerned about other peoples' pain so you 
probably won't yell at me or anything (Mom used to yell at me/us a lot)

well, somebody says that is enough for now.
bye bye
angel & stephanie & big people & little ones & all



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