From: daveshao@leland.stanford.edu (David Shao)
Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian
Subject: Marriage?  Just do it!
Date: 20 Dec 92 22:26:05 GMT
Organization: DSG, Stanford University, CA 94305, USA

I believe that casual dating is wrong.  The sole purpose of dating is
to assess whether or not to get married.  If one is willing to perform
acts which can lead to the birth of a child, I think one should be
ready to make a lifelong commitment to marriage.  The Apostle Paul
advised us that if we felt powerful sexual urges we should marry.
This is not the same as playing around in a series of sexual
relationships which have no future.

I cannot understand those who would put up with living with another
in a sexual relationship without commitment.  How can anyone have
such a lack of respect for oneself to tolerate another saying in
effect, "You are not good enough for me to promise marriage yet."
I would find it rather degrading to be put on hold for several years
while the other takes me for a test drive and decides whether to keep me 
or whether to discard me for someone better.    

Speaking from personal experience, I knew immediately after meeting her
that the woman who was to become my wife was an excellent prospect.
She unfortunately at first did not share my enthusiasm, so it took
some wooing on my part to convince her.  This is called courtship
and involves work and much potential embarrassment.  One should be
willing to put as much effort into wooing a potential mate as
one would put into landing a great job, that is, just about anything.
Put yourself on the line for such high stakes, don't sit back and
wait for things to happen like a vegetable!

For those who moan that there are no good men or women out there--
baloney!  My two brothers and I had no problems finding moral committed
mates, and we are members of a relatively small ethnic minority.
I think the problem is that everyone wants the perfect mate to just
fall into his or her lap.  To paraphrase the golden rule, let us
expect from others what we would have others expect from us.  Are
you wealthy, gorgeous, humorous, intelligent, caring, etc.--then by all 
means settle for nothing less!  But if you aren't, don't complain if 
you can't find someone who meets all of your requirements.

I see no reason why two people who are ready for marriage can't decide
in a day that they are suited for each other, and therefore
should become immediately engaged.  This happened to one of my brothers
as well as to a friend.  What is important is to find someone who is
serious about marriage as a lifelong commitment and is willing to
work through the difficult times.  

Now some feel that the circumstances are not for them to immediately
be married.  But there's no reason not to arrange in advance one's
eventual mate.  I had already made up my mind at age 18 about whom
I wanted to marry, and I am very thankful to God that He provided
for our union.  There's no shame in a couple's waiting several years
while engaged until they graduate from college or save enough to
move out on their own.  Jacob endured 14 years of labor under Laban
in order to marry Rachel.

When one encounters an unattached Christian who has wisdom and good
character, don't miss the opportunity!  Did not Boaz act quickly to
marry Ruth after she showed to him her courage and moral strength?
Even if it will be several years before you can marry, go ahead and
make the commitment if you meet someone reaonable.  Just do it!