From: car377@druhi.ATT.COM (RogersC)
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
Subject: Re: We are sick and tired!!
Summary: Read the fine print
Date: 8 Oct 92 15:43:56 GMT

In article <1992Oct8.003418.1229@elektro.cmhnet.org>, root@elektro.cmhnet.org (Charlie Smith) writes:
> In article <1992Oct6.233620.15781@cbnewsj.cb.att.com> car377@cbnewsj.cb.att.com (charles.a.rogers) writes:
> 
> >I can let you have a really killer bargain on genuine Venison-B-Gon(tm)
> >Deer Whistles.  They *really*, *really* work!  A safe and effective 
> >ruminant deterrent for Mule Deer, White-tail, Gazelle, Kudu, Pronghorn, 
> >Elk, Giraffe, Moose, Holstein, Jackalope, and Buffalo. Don't miss out on 
> 
> Heeyyy ... what about Impala, Lechwe, Sable, Bongos, and Water Buffalo?
>            Not to mention Bison!
> 
> It doesn't sound to me like this *really* covers the waterfront (savanna)!

Umm, I see that the AT&T Weenie Mailer (tm) couldn't deal with the font
change in the fine print and just tossed it.  Here it is in 10-point Roman:

"Note: Venison-B-Gon Deer Whistles are NOT recommended for use with Impala,
       Lechwe, Sable, Bongos, Water Buffalo, or Bison.   Laboratory
       results on these species are indeterminate, and the manufacturer
       dislaims any liability for purchaser attempts to utilize this product
       with these species."

In the actual lab product testing trials, we fed all the various species
megadoses of V-B-G Deer Whistles to test their effectiveness. The Mule Deer,
White-tail, Gazelle, Kudu, Pronghorn, Elk, Giraffe, Moose, Holstein, Jackalope,
and Buffalo all died, but the Impala, Lechwe, Sable, Bongo, Water Buffalo, 
and Bison actually seemed to relish the whistles and would select 
them over standard cattle-feed when offered a choice.   An unexpected
side effect of V-B-G consumption was the production of unusual high-frequency 
noises during episodes of bovine flatulence (BF).  A baffling aspect of this
phenomenon not yet explained by researchers occurred several times during 
these BF episodes: motorcyclists on a highway near the research facility 
would lose control of their vehicles, veer toward the experimentation facility 
and crash into the facility's cattle fences.  Inevitably, the make and
model of the vehicle matched an identical profile, that of the Honda 
Goldwing.  Further studies of these strange occurrences are under way,
although investigators have so far been stymied in their attempts to
explain the apparent connection between the BF and the particular motorcycle
model.

The Wildebeest experiments produced an anomaly so strange that the species 
was intentionally omitted from the advertising AND the disclaimer.  Instead 
of chewing and swallowing the whistles like the other ruminants, the 
Wildebeest ejected them from its mouth at high velocities, and several lab 
assistants were severely injured before the researchers realized what was 
happening.  Motorcyclist with installed V-B-G whistles would be well-advised
to keep a discreet distance between their vehicles and any Wildebeest they
encounter.

> >ready, before the limited supplies are all gone!  Order now and receive
> >a free optimal radius calculator for drilling your own disks to improve
> >cooling!
> 
> Does this also allow for calculation of induced air turbulence from 
> the _edges_ of the holes in the disk that are then traveling at 
> 2*[road speed] ??
> 
>     { using the previously copywrited tire-size disks that put you on  }
>     {       the fast track (tm) for cornering like you're on rails     }
  
Yes.

:-)
Chuck Rogers
car377@druhi.att.com