HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: moon!cyberden!justice@well.sf.ca.us
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Weird happenings
Date: Thu, 01 Oct 92 02:09:30 PDT
Organization: Indescribable Creations

I'm not sure where this would fit in, but I once saw a ghost. It was 5 
feet tall, and looked like this rad girl named Diana. Anyone, after hours 
of trying to talk her into having sex with me, I finally gave up. I awoke 
the next day to find my old Twin Peaks soundtrack in the CD player, 
playing the song "Into the Night". Anyone else ever see a ghost?

__________________________________________________________________________
   |       /         |\
   | H E   \ Y B E R |/ E N       [ moon!cyberden!justice@well.sf.ca.us ]
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: fulton@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Ben Fulton)
Subject: Re: Pioneers
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 15:27:56 GMT

In <1992Oct4.230018.131@news.Hawaii.Edu> rigler@galileo.ifa.hawaii.edu (80 Hours) writes:

> "A tight bunch of bastards who want to win while loving each other,
>  if they don't destroy their knees first, or start sleeping with 
>  each other's girlfriends."

>No, that's not right either.  Never mind.

Well, no, that sounds about right.  Except all our grilfs play ultimate too.

-- 
ben                                     fulton@silver.ucs.indiana.edu
 "A tight bunch of bastards who want to win while loving each other,
  if they don't destroy their knees first, or start sleeping with 
  each other's girlfriends." - Rigler, about Indiana Ultimate
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: greg@phoenix (greg Nowak)
Subject: Seat belt danger
Originator: news@nimaster
Reply-To: greg@phoenix (greg Nowak)
Organization: Baguette Research Systems Inc.
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 14:34:18 GMT

In article <1a023mINNqcm@fido.asd.sgi.com>, cj@eno (C J Silverio) writes:

}  can't use it.  Your experience is not my experience-- despite
}  your difficulty with caffeine, I will continue to enjoy my
}  morning espresso.  I will always wear a helmet when I'm on a
}  motorcycle, but you can't *force* me to do so.  I feel the
}  same way about seatbelt laws. 

Whoa. I agree with most of what you've said, but seatbelts aren't as
discretionary as motorcycle helmets. Your seatbelt does more than
protect YOU: it also keeps you in a position from which you're more
likely to be in control of your vehicle, and thus protects ME. (as
opposed to a situation like a violent swerve which might sling you
over to the passenger side, were you not belted.

}  means that driving or operating machinery while impaired is
}  a violation of the rights of others.

Exactly. I regard "not being in the driver's seat" as an impairment. 

K*nt again:
}|Had you bothered to ask, your new speakers were typical of the
}|same pattern. You can watch children starve before depriving
}|yourself of self-indulgant pleasures to protect them from the
}|foolishness of their parents. 

Isn't this the same guy who pled mental illness as an excuse for being
unemployable merely so he could avoid paying child support to feed HIS
OWN kids? 

More to the point, I don't see Poster Child going to work for Mother
Theresa. It is a philosophical canard in this context; it is always
possible to say "You Could Have Done More" unless someone is dead. 


 
--greg                                     greg@phoenix.princeton.edu

"Excuse me, but I created alt.sewing, and participated in the move to
rec.crafts.textiles."        --sloane@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu (Bob Sloane)
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: It's about time
Date: 28 Sep 92 16:03:44 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: Bugs-R-Us


In article <schnitzi.717690533@eola.cs.ucf.edu> schnitzi@cs.ucf.edu
(Mark Schnitzius) writes:

#  School buses in my area now have the recent addition of a flashing white
#  light on their roofs. 


So the kids can see it coming from further away and have a bit more time
to find a good hiding place. 

-- Ken "Did you miss the school bus, little girl? Let's have some fun
   together" Johnson

-- 
//// Advice to dieters:         ////  Ken Johnson, A I Applications Institute
////   Never eat more than      ////       80 South Bridge, EDINBURGH EH1 1HN
////   you can carry.           ////                 E-mail ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
////              -- Miss Piggy ////     phone 031-650 2756  fax 031-650 6513
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Koschei the Deathless)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: stopping the plague
Date: 30 Sep 1992 07:52:14 GMT
Organization: The International House of Secretions
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <66823@cup.portal.com> lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman) writes:
*	whelk, guess hee kudnd spellll ithurrrrrrrrrrrrr

Haw!  A spelling flame!  What a wit!  How does he do it?

Excuse me, I thought I was in talk.bizarre.  Oh, that's right, I am.  How silly
of me not to recognize the stupidity of 95% of the contributors.


Mark "Palestine, OK" Lippert
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: A problem with a birthday card
Date: 30 Sep 92 13:15:37 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: Bugs-R-Us


I just went out in the pouring rain to get a birthday card for a friend. 
Got back here, took card out of packaging, wrote name and address on
envelope, no problem.  Then when I tried to write in the card, I found
that there was so much shiny coating on it that my fountain pen just
slid over it without making a mark.  So I wrote my greeting with a Biro,
but now she'll think I'm a cheapskate. 

-- Ken "left handed copper plate" Johnson



-- 
//// Advice to dieters:         ////  Ken Johnson, A I Applications Institute
////   Never eat more than      ////       80 South Bridge, EDINBURGH EH1 1HN
////   you can carry.           ////                 E-mail ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
////              -- Miss Piggy ////     phone 031-650 2756  fax 031-650 6513
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Fanning the Flames of Hate
Date: 30 Sep 92 18:10:40 GMT
Organization: University of Virginia

In article <1992Sep30.173055.19278@bradley.bradley.edu> death@buhub.bradley.edu (Dustin Slater) writes:
>In <1992Sep29.210901.2059@newstand.syr.edu> hlow@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Handel Low) writes:
>
>>Cascades are stupid (don't you dare).
>Parades the cupid (without hair).
>
>--
>death@buhub.bradley.edu        INEVITABILE FATVM       death@camelot.bradley.edu
>
>               Death's cold touch will soon chill your spine.



GOD PLEASE STOP ME BEFORE I KILL AGAIN


           __________
          /          \
         ( _____      \
          |            |
          |      _     |
     ______\/   ( \    |___\      Rob Dobson
           /\    G |   |   /      rwd4f@poe.acc.virginia.edu
          /      (/    |
         ( )           |
          |___\        |
           UUU|
    ouch!     |
           __/
          (
           \____


be sure to penetrate thoroughly, all the way through the back of your
skull.  there's a good chap.
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: $5
Date: 6 Oct 92 14:31:45 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620


$5 to the first person to send me a DECENT Eliza program in Fortran.

Jason
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.cascade
From: cmp3175@tamuts.tamu.edu (Constantine M Pappas)
Subject: Re: toast
Organization: ~/lib/organization
Date: Sat, 26 Sep 1992 06:12:04 GMT

>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Currants.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Currency.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Crabalocker Fishwife.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Coxswain.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cousin, Cousine.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Circadian Rythym
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Camelopardis.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cadaverine.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cahiers du Cinema.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cacoethes Scribendi.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Criminal Insanity.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Carasso.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Countach.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Coup d'etat.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Corfu.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Ceteris Paribus.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Copycat.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Contrapositive.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>>Crustacean.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>>Cruzeiro.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>>Corazon, Que Can Eat It.
>>)>>>>>>>>>>Common Denominator.
>>)>>>>>>>>>Caca.
>>)>>>>>>>>Cacao.                       
>>)>>>>>>>Cayman.            *************************    
>>)>>>>>>Calypso.            bhoughto@sedona.intel.com -- anagram (@=u)
>>)>>>>>Coke.                *************************
>>)>>>>Cute.                     
>>)>>>Cough up a hairball.
>>)>>Cheradenine Zakalwe.
>>)>Cher's labial tattoos.
>>)Credo quia absurdum est.
>>Cerveza! Uno mas, por favor.
>Columbus (to God): "O, the Nin~a, eh?"
Rhombus, you sod! So we're in the hay.

Ratboy
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: PJF4081@CC.UTAH.EDU (big daddy hate box)
Subject: Re: i survived
Summary: losers are kool
Keywords: peanuts taste like shit
Reply-To: big daddy hate box
Organization: HATE INC.
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 92 19:54:05 GMT
X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.24

In <1992Sep30.162259.5790@walter.cray.com> jcarroll@ferris.cray.com writes:

% finerty reveals the secret of why he's called "love god of the wasatch":
% 
% >i didn't actually yell it out but i went around saying it to 
% >groups of people where i might know just one person there. everyone thought i 
% >was drunk and i only had three utah style beers. (3.2%)   
% >life is good and i am a lecherous shit. defenestrate me now.
% 
% if you had three 3.2s, you *were* drunk. that's what you were
% drinking in Seattle before you packed off to the Land of Salt.
% 
% you are apparently still drunk. how about if we strip you, hogtie you,
% and drop you out between the Temple and the Tabernacle?


	all i am apparently is insane. i am floating as i write this followup. 
i just had a bowl of dry milk for lunch. mmm mmm tasty. unfortunately, i did 
not drink 3.2 in wet place seattle unless i was drinking PBR. usually i drank 
the micro beers. unfortunately, even the micro shit here is 3.2 but i bet you 
know that. i bet that if i were to remove my fore-arm i could throw further 
than you could throw yours. oh yeah. i am the evaporated milkman of human 
kindness i will leave you and extra pint. (sorry to b. bragg)

	PJF--->Biochem. grad student.
					React with this!
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra)
Subject: Re: History time
Keywords: The OLD ONES
Organization: t.b
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1992 01:04:22 GMT

> tim@alberta.UUCP (The Bonehead) writes:
       [blah blah blah]
> 
>   since we fowgot by accident the west of the safety wules, this is
>   all we have to say, so fow instance, good bye.

     What a FUCKING WANKER.

     Now that he's gone, what do you Bonehead freaks
do to amuse yourselves?  Watch _In Living Color_?
Look at old Three Stooges reruns?

     Nyuk nyuk nyuk.  Duh.

--Starcap'n Ra       {ames,gatech,husc6,rutgers}!ncar!noao!asuvax!kennedy
                        {allegra,decvax,ihnp4,oddjob}--^
                                          ^---------------The Wrong Choice
                             internet: kennedy@asuvax.asu.edu
From: terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (St Theresa of the Net)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: History time
Keywords: The OLD ONES
Date: 5 Oct 92 23:56:47 GMT
Organization: Computing Something Division
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <BvME0z.1I7@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM> jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods) writes:
>1 October 1987 is the date of the last talk.bizarre post by The Bonehead.
>It has been downhill ever since.

Ah, the bonehead. yes, someone even before gypsy so she could not revere
him.

A few months ago i was going through other peoples' directories and found
this:


From uwmcsd1!uwmacc!uwvax!rutgers!sri-unix!sri-spam!ames!ptsfa!ihnp4!alberta!tim Thu Sep 10 13:31:46 CDT 1987
Article 4285 of talk.bizarre:
From: jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Re: jws & "new light"
Followup-To: talk.religion.misc
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 1 Oct 92 21:23:44 CDT

I hesitate to haze Your August Personage, but this really belongs 
in talk.religion.misc. Behavior like this among religious groups
is too common to be bizarre.

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano)
Subject: The wages of advertising are death
Summary: Popular Mechanics December 1955, p.22
Organization: ibtaba
Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1992 06:37:06 GMT

A "GOOD HAND" HELPS YOU SUCCEED

                 LEARN TO WRITE WELL
YOUR
  NAME              Handwriting quickly improves with our easy-to-
beautifully         understand picture lessons! Put your spare time
written, plus       to good use; send today for * FREE BOOKLET.
special pen-        "How to Become a Good Penman," or check vol-
point for           umes wanted below at $1 each: * Business
shaded              Writing * Artistic Writing * Card Writing
  writing,          * Bird & Design Flourishing * Engrossing
ONLY 10 cents       Alphabets.  COMPLETE SET $4.50. Ask for
                    price list of penman's supplies.

Our
53rd     TAMBLYN SCHOOL of PENMANSHIP
YEAR     S.A.Ziller, Pres., 422 Ridge Bldg., Kansas City, Mo., USA

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 you                                No doubt in YOUR mind, or HERS
                                         when you wear "ELEVATORS".
  may _think_                      These amazing height-increasing
                                             shoes make you almost
  you're                               _2_inches_taller_ instantly,
                                           smartly, confidentially.
 TALL                                   She'll look UP to you.  Be
                                                sure, be smart, be
enough...                                        taller; change to
                                                       "ELEVATORS".
 but

    what does

  _she_                For
                       FREE Booklet
 think?                and Dealer's name write to:

      STONE-TARLOW CO., INC., DEPT. PM12-55, BROCKTON 68, MASS.


AjD
and some of
the home 
handyman tips
are a riot, too.
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Demiotics")
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Building Miss Liberty (Was: A problem with a birthday card)
Date: 30 Sep 92 15:33:27 GMT
Followup-To: rec.humor
Organization: Eaters of Wisdom
In-reply-to: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk's message of 30 Sep 92 13:15:37 GMT

In article <7604@skye.ed.ac.uk> ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson) writes:
>   -- Ken "left handed copper plate" Johnson

    Two Scotsmen were hanging from breeches buoys off the torch arm of
the Statue of Liberty, attaching the copper plates to the outside.  The
plates were layered copper on galvanized steel.

    Sandy would pull each plate from the pile, and examine it closely.
Sometimes he would rivet the plate onto the framework of steel girders
that were the main structure of the Statue.  Just as often, however, he
would pitch the expensive plate into the harbor.

    Mac watched him for a while, with growing consternation, and finally
cried, ``Sandy, Sandy!  What are ye dooin'?''

    ``I'm throwin' away the plates with the copper on the wrong side,
fool.''

    Mac struck his foreahead in exasperation.  ``Fool, he calls me!'' he
cried.  ``Sandy, ye idiot, those plates were foor the tablet arm!''

--

                And for to se, and eek for to be seye
Mark-Jason Dominus 	  			    mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu 

                                                     land of the acid-eaters
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering)
Subject: Re: My talent (was: Name cj's opossum)
Date: Mon, 28 Sep 92 18:30:39 EDT
Organization: The Screen of Blackness

In article <7584@skye.ed.ac.uk> ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson) writes:
>
>-- Ken "that and modelling topless sunbathers out of plastic sprue" Johnson

Must be an, um, interesting model railroad layout you've got, Ken.

ljd
"Oh, and this line is the track that runs through the Englischer Garten
 in Munich."
From: smytonj@carr55.alleg.edu (James Smyton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: ONE MILLION QUESTION PURITY TEST (Part 1/2000)
Date: 5 Oct 92 17:37:48 GMT
Organization: Allegheny College

You have too much time on your hands.

Jim
From: cj@eno.wpd.sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: I need Dod Sod's US Mail Address.
Date: 28 Sep 92 23:18:33 GMT
Reply-To: cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Organization: SGI TechPubs
NNTP-Posting-Host: eno.wpd.sgi.com

---
gerald@torolab4.vnet.ibm.com writes:
|cj@eno.wpd.sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
|>We have an opossum now.  Well, "have" in the sense of 
|>"it eats Science Diet from our cats' dishes and doesn't
|>run away when we go into the kitchen".  I want to name
|>it "Grep" but Lance refuses.  He says "Opie" is better,
|>but I refuse to name a pet after a Ron Howard character.
|>
|>Name our opossum.
|
|"chkdsk".

chkconfig
fsck
wc
nohup
true
nice

Mr bc is, of course, already named after a Unix utility.

---
c j silverio
my sympathies
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: suddenly it's clear
Date: 29 Sep 92 12:17:40 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620

In article <60690@mimsy.umd.edu>, kimy@cs.umd.edu (Yong-Mi Kim) writes:
> In article <1992Sep28.111339.3050@Princeton.EDU> greg@phoenix (greg Nowak) writes:
>>Wish I could help, dear, but all the Eurotrash is in Europe, where
>>it's supposed to be... There's no substitute for visiting the source. 
> 
> 
> Fine, make me feel bad about being a poor graduate student who
> has to subsist on rice and beans for the next two weeks, then
> hand over the paycheck I get then to chortling high school dropouts
> who will presumably do something to my car to stop that unnerving
> rattling under the hood.  Then I'll subsist on water for the
> next two weeks, while I try to think up some plausible excuse
> why daddy should fork over money for a plane ticket to Europe
> so I can do some Eurotrash-scavenging.
> 

If you pay half the airfare, I'll come round to see you.

Jason

> 
> yong-mi
> at least I'll be fashionably svelte
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Subject: Re: Dealing with the Ultimate Basis of Proof and Proveability
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1992 16:48:42 GMT

In article <BvH39I.M39@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM> jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods) writes:
>In <1a82s9INNci@uwm.edu> markh@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Mark) writes:
>>In article <1992Sep28.144956.3485@ultb.isc.rit.edu> tjg2946@ritvax.isc.rit.edu writes:
>>>>pps: You post a Lightbulb joke and YOU DIE!!!!
>>>What is the different between a woman and a light bulb?
>>You can turn on a light bulb.
>>>(ducking the death threats)
>>(May I join you?)
>
>Right.  Who's got the 12GHz horn?

12 GHz?  Aren't you tuning that trumpet a little bit sharp?
--scott
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: rummage sales again
Date: 27 Sep 1992 18:19:38 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: boa.cs.berkeley.edu

In article <a0!pd_a.gooley@netcom.com> gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) writes:
>
>I nearly bought a custom-built 110-gallon tank made largely of half-inch-thick
>glass...

My subconscious parses posts before my conscious gets its jaws
around them.

Often this leads to interesting results.

Today I imagined Mark. Gooley living in a custom-built
110-gallon tank made largely of half-inch-thick glass.

Late at night he drives up to a deserted city park in downtown
Boulder, unloads the tank, and fills it from a fire hydrant.

He undresses gingerly, steps in, and pulls the lid over the top.
There is a click as the latch catches.  The water is cold, but
refreshing; he drifts slowly, his pale body moving like the
fronds of something limpid and white, deep under the sea.  He
twists and swirls between the glass walls, moving already with
the grace of a great fish, the perilous calm of a shark.  

That night he does not sleep, but endlessly explores his world,
bumping nose against glass, sniffing out the corners, naming
the stones and baptizing the cracks.

When morning comes he is surrounded by schoolchildren, who cry
out in wonder at the great sea-beast.  Captured by marinauts in
the Marianas Trench; brought to Colorado in the service of
Science.  A placard appears:  "Please Feed The Umphilops."
Grapes, popcorn, candy bars, are dropped into the water and
vanish with a swirl into the great maw.  The children smile and
clap their hands.

c
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: benth@microsoft.com (Ben)
Subject: Technology Advances!
Date: 03 Oct 92 15:16:28 GMT
Organization: Microsoft Corp.

I just got back from the Seybold Publishing seminar in
San Francisco. It was filled with people talking about high-tech electronic
information delivery, multimedia, and that sort of thing.

My favorite part was the seminar on creating electronic documents -
the first thing we saw was a black and white, upside down overhead
projector transparency...

BENth
From: PJF4081@CC.UTAH.EDU (big daddy hate box)
Subject: Re: the contents of my wallet
Summary: ha ha ha
Keywords: wow!
Reply-To: big daddy hate box
Organization: xenophobes of utah
Date: Mon, 28 Sep 92 18:06:22 GMT
X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.24

In <JON.92Sep28114600@zeus.med.utah.edu> jon@zeus.med.utah.edu writes:

% gypsy@alembic.acs.com (hippo lite) writes:
% 
%    In article <JON.92Sep21152109@zeus.med.utah.edu> jon@zeus.med.utah.edu (Jonathan Byrd) writes:
%    [the contents of jonathan's wallet deleted]
% 
%    the contents of jonathan's brain:
% 
% 
%    >File not found.
% 
% i wish you could see the huge bulge in my spandex shorts.
% 
% then you wouldn't dare to flame me.
% 
% --
% jonathan byrd
% jon@apollo.med.utah.edu


	i'll be sure to keep my eye out for it! 
						finerty@msscc.med.utah.edu

	PJF--->Biochem. grad student.
					React with this!
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jon@zeus.med.utah.edu (Jonathan Byrd)
Subject: my mission
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 17:49:01 GMT
Organization: University of Utah

my mission was to purchase a bottle of tequila, and a lime.  my timing
was rehearsed and precise, and i entered the liquor store only minutes
before it closed.  as i exited the store with my tequila, i overheard
a woman loudly complaining to her companion that the store manager had
locked the door practically in her face, and had not let her in.
"that's fine," she declared huffily, "i'll just take my business
elsewhere.  he's not the only liquor store in town."  this made me
smile because all the liquor stores in utah are owned and run by the
state for a very tidy profit.

i then went upstairs to the grocery store.  it was a madhouse.  my
path to the produce department was an intricate slalom between
displays, shopping carts, and stressed people rushing to get home with
dinner.  i got the best lime i could find, though they were all a
little underripe.  after another set of tricky maneuvers, i stepped
forward to enter the express checkout line at exactly the same time as
a serious-looking fortyish woman.  we stopped face to face, and
simultaneously extended our hands, as a gesture to let the other go
first.  still at an impasse, she looked down at the lime in my hand,
and i looked down at the box of tampons in her hand.  our eyes met
again, and i took a step backward.  she swiftly moved into the line
ahead of me.

minutes later, i sat down to eat some tacos.

--
jonathan byrd
jon@apollo.med.utah.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre