From: mike@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG (Mike Smithwick)
Subject: New CommodeDoor announcements!!!
Organization: SF-Bay Public-Access Unix
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 06:22:22 GMT

[]

Hey guys! Lookee at what I found on the Screw-the-Lawyers BBS!


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Not for immediate release by anyone! Or else we'll put your name 
on the Jehovah's Witnesses "Interested" visitation list!



COMMODE-DOOR TO ANNOUNCE BLAZESTATION 4000


South Chester, PA : Last January, CommodeDoor and BLAZEMONGER!! Ink. 
signed a tippity-top  secret joint development licensing agreement to 
work together to create the next generation of  game computer. The 
results of the agreement will be announced at the upcoming UnderWorld 
of CommodeDoor show to be held in Earl, Nebraska. The results of 
months of painstaking round the  clock work is embodied in the new 
family of entertainment computers known as the  BLAZESTATION 4000 
series.

The BLAZESTATION is the first of a new series of machines dedicated to 
a single yet compelling  application. The heart of BLAZESTATION 4000 
is the new "KBP", or "Kick Butt Processor".  Besides the normal boring 
stuff the KBP contains all of the intricate numerical analysis, and  
indefinite calculus support needed for even the most simple games of 
BLAZEMONGER. Combine  this with the pipeline of 12 4D space-time 
geometry engines, 64 bit color boards and liquid cooling  (glycol not 
included) and you will have the ultimate BLAZEMONGER machine! In fact 
it will go  so FAST that you can play dozens of games EVEN BEFORE YOU 
OPEN THE BOX!

The basic BLAZESTATION starter kit comes with BLAZEMONGER-I burned 
into 16M of ROM, 64M of memory and a 500M harddrive. Add on memory 
modules and drives are available when  you upgrade to BLAZEMONGER-II 
or III.

The BLAZESTATION comes in a convenient tower configuration 
(recommended ceiling height : 3  meters), with slots galore for those 
pesky hardware accelerators needed for upward  "compatibility".

When you purchase the BLAZESTATION you will also receive many 
complementary extras:

     -A $10,000 life insurance policy from Mutual of BLAZE

     -A lifetime membership to the Hairclub for Men

     -A self-esteem workshop from the Institute of You Are Just Plain 
      Super! frequently needed by the time you've lost the 50th game.

     -And a free house fumigation (required IF you reach the 124th 
      level, HAHAHAHAHA!)

LET'S  SEE THOSE WIMPY CLONE COMPANIES MATCH THAT!!! You will also 
receive a  full 2 year service guarantee from the famous BLAZEMONGER 
Complaint Department.

But wait! There's more!! With the purchase of each BLAZESTATION from 
now until Christmas  you will receive a free set of matching steak 
knives.

Besides BLAZEMONGER itself,  the BLAZESTATION comes with several other 
applications built in: PHRASEMONGER, FLAMEMONGER, INTESTINAL-GASMONGER, 
MONGERMONGER, STARMONGER, My First Checkbook,  the 
complete set of those wacky  AmigaTrek stories, and for the kiddies 
that fun-filled game "Barny Bear goes to an Orgy".

CommodeDoor is dedicated to increasing your BLAZEMONGER pleasure and 
will do so with a  series of future BLAZESTATION upgrades, including  
the BLAZESTATION 4000+, the  BLAZESTATION 4000++, the BLAZESTATION 
4000++TURBO, the  SUPERBLAZESTATION 4000 ++ TURBO XL and the Plus-4 
emulator.

Due to the effort needed behind he BLAZESTATION project, all work on 
the Amoeba line of  multimedia PCs has ceased. But GEEZE! What right-
thinking patriotic American would need an  Amoeba when the can have a 
BLAZESTATION!!!! DAMMIT!

In an effort to make upgrading as painlessly and as inexpensive as 
possible CommodeDoor will  provide a trade in program for current 
Amoeba owners. By bringing in your Amoeba computer  you will receive a 
full $48.00 discount towards the purchase of your BLAZESTATION 4000!!!  
And as a special bonus, between now and the end of August you will get 
a FREE set of those little  rubber feet thingies to go under the 
BLAZESTATION TOWER!

"How can I afford something as terrific as a BLAZESTATION?" you are 
probably asking  yourself. Not to fear! You have equity in your home, 
don't you? You've been thinking about  refinancing, haven't you?? 
Through the BLAZEMONGER Acceptance Corporation, managed by  the 
friendly, um, Support Department, you may secure a "loan" big enough 
to get you started with  the ULTIMATE GAME COMPUTER! Give our lovely and 
talented "loan" representative, Bruno, a call. (If  you represent the IRS, FBI, 
BATF, BBB, DEA, FAA, any of our x-wives or the Dept. of Consumer  
Affairs call our friendly legal department instead and ask for Guido).

BLAZESTATION!!! BUY IT OR LITTLE FURRY THINGS WILL EAT OUT YOUR  
INTESTINES!!

BLAZEMONGER!!! SHOUT IT WHEN YOU SAY IT, OR YOU'LL LOSE IT WHEN YOU  
PLAY IT!



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Warning : The BLAZESTATION should not be used by people with 
pacemakers or those who may be overly sensitive to radiation 
poisoning.




-- 
"There is no problem too big that can't be solved with high explosives"-Rush

Mike Smithwick - ames!zorch!mike