From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: This group.
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date: 19 Aug 1992 11:05 EST  

In article <=s0ma1.boserj@netcom.com>, boserj@netcom.com (Jeffrey Boser) writes...

Not a flame, Jeff.  Just some things that *I* have thought about...
> 
>Firstly, when I am uncomfortable with something, my
>first reaction is to hunt it down and find out why
>I feel that way.  

I think a lot of us *know* why we feel uncomfortable in the group now.  We 
don't feel like support is being given.  A lot of other stuff is going on, 
but I don't see a whole lot of support.  Part of that is because people are 
afraid to open themselves up enough to help.  I admit it...I'm a little 
afraid of this group right now.
A major problem for me is anger.  Whenever someone got angry with me, I 
usually got slugged.  It tends to keep you from getting anyone angry.  I 
also don't deal with my own anger well.

> 
>Also, I am not convinced that uncomfortableness and
>the lack of a warm, pleasant, safe environment is a
>good thing.  

I think you've got some double negatives in here.  You're right 
uncomfortableness *is* a bad thing.  But I don't think that's what you 
meant to say.
In order to heal, we all must push the boundaries a little.  A LITTLE.  As 
they say in CTH go to where you're comfortable and ONE step more...not 
twenty.  Some people have done that and can go no further.  
Rather than seeing some of the implications I've seen in some posts (and I 
read a little of it in yours) that people are not pushing themselves enough 
to heal, why don't we admit that each of us is in a different place in our 
healing.  No two of us have the same things to heal from.  Anger is 
difficult for me...maybe not for you.  Some people cannot accept hugs...
others crave them.  
If some people in this group feel threatened by what is going on, it is 
their prerogative, and perhaps the best thing for them at this time, to 
cease communication in asar.  That *may* be what is best for *them*.  I've 
certainly curtailed my posting.

>If you dont want problems
>and conflict, then why are you talking to people?

A little over-simplified, I think.  *All* of us need contact with other 
humans...that's been proven over and over.  But each of us must decide what 
is appropriate contact for ourselves.
For some the current topic is difficult.  Let's face it.  For the women out 
there, how many got mad at the comments you read in the paper and heard in 
the workplace about the Smith and Tyson trials.  I know *I* heard a lot of 
people blaming the women.  It's a button of mine.  And I've never met those 
women, never talked to them.  
I've talked to Relkie.  It makes it a little more personal.  And I feel for 
her, because my abuse was by someone that I trusted.
I'm not saying whether she was abused, but she feels that she was.  That's 
good enough to do damage to her.  
> 
>Watch Relkie and Prisoner, and learn from them.  Things
>are never what they seem at first glance.  Try to avoid
>curling up in a corner, away from the conflict.  Just
>sit back, take it slow, and listen and learn.

For some of us, curling up in a corner is the only defense right now.  What 
is it that you think we should be learning.  There is a difference between 
conflict (ie a difference of opinion) and rape (which is what Relkie feels 
happened to her).  And I don't know what anyone learns by watching or 
experiencing a rape.

-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery