From: hes@unity.ncsu.edu (Henry E. Schaffer)
Newsgroups: rec.guns
Subject: Re: To Drop Or Not To Drop ( was: Re: To buy or not to buy ? )
Date: 27 Jan 93 04:55:47 GMT
Organization: North Carolina State University

In article <199301260022.AA05338@cherokee.advtech.uswest.com> kdlin@advtech.uswest.com (David Lin) writes:
# ...  I have a
#similar but worse problem. I'm considering to drop her because of
#her attitude toward my guns/security plans. Let me tell my story 
#and you guys can give me suggestions.
#
#I have been seeing this girl for a short while. She grew up in a Michigan
#rural area and is an attorney ( not my favorite type though ). Recently,
#I found out that she used to a DA ( the anti-gun type ) and still has
#a *VERY* strong prejudice against handguns. 

  David seems to have a penchant for asking hard questions!  At
this point I wouldn't give up - I can imagine a DA (or social
worker, or ...) who had seen so much harm caused by firearms that
they (wrongly, but understandably) associated the firearms with
the real cause of the damage.  But it may be possible to open
the eyes of such a person.
#
#She even hates my security alarm and comments that I'm paranoid to
#have all these things installed. 

  This additional item changes my assessment of the situation.  This
is an ordinary keypad-near-door and enter-code-upon-entry type of
home alarm.  It is a very minor burden, a very sensible (and 
totally non-violent) security measure - and David only uses it
when he is away from home (or asleep), and so it doesn't restrict 
his and his guests' use of the deck/terrace/back-yard.  David's 
lovely home has lots of ground-level glass, and an alarm system is 
very sensible in that context.

  So, IMHO, her response to this is irrational, emotional and
causes me to think that she has a serious hang-up regarding
security and planning overall (and not just regarding firearms.)
I'm starting to think about people who go around in Condition White
(I hope I'm getting my colors correct - I mean "oblivious to
the situation") all the time and resent any attempt to make them
aware of reality.

#Her reasoning is that no one is going
#to bother me, and my guns will only hurt myself. 

  "No one is likely to bother you" is probably a correct assessment
of your situation.  "No one is going to bother you" is the "fat,
dumb and happy" response of Condition White.  As far as your target
shooting goes, the real danger you face is the dangerous
highways over which you have to drive to reach the range.  In a
self-defense situation, she seems to both disbelive the statistics
regarding the number of assailants shot by armed civilians in 
defense and any statements you may have made about your competance
with a firearm.

#She claims that she has
#shot .22 rifles before. ( So, taking her to a range will not help at all. )

  It very well may help.  If she shot a .22 rifle a couple of times
as a child, that was a long time ago and perhaps she didn't have an
enjoyable experience.  I'd try this.

#She points out that I'm living in my own "jail" by having all these
#motion sensors and by having the "fantasy" of arming/defending myself.

  How is it a jail (except in her imagination?)  You punch the 
keypad a few times a day.  You always have the *choice* of whether
to hold a gun - you rule it.  Yes, this requires awarenesss
(Condition Orange, if I remember correctly) and the application of
judgement.  Then you have more control over your destiny - some
jail!
#
#So, do I have a solution to this problem? Guys?

  Maybe - do take her to the range.  Perhaps she can see the plain
enjoyment of shooting/plinking if she tries.  Make some analogies
between a security alarm and locking the house or car - see if she
can connect up what *she* considers sensible security precautions
with what you are doing.  Be calm, rational and throw back her own
reasons at her - is she saying that one is more free is one lets
burglars have easy access to one's home?  Surely one can get
over-cautious, but where is the middle ground.  Does she believe
in wearing seat-belts in the car?

--henry schaffer