Return-Path: <Eric_S_Klien@cup.portal.com>
X-Origin: The Portal System (TM)
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.dipl-l
Date:         Thu, 1 Oct 1992 19:32:17 PDT
Reply-To:     Eric_S_Klien@CUP.PORTAL.COM
From:         Eric_S_Klien@CUP.PORTAL.COM
Subject:      Chapter Eight

Issue #278 of ELECTRONIC PROTOCOL:

******************************************************************************
                   Eight Ways to Be The Talk Of The Auction

1.  After you buy the 15th-century Tibetan Buddha of Confession, announce
    that you think it will make a great floorlamp.

2.  Draw eyeglasses and blacken the teeth on all portraits in your catalogue.

3.  Laugh out loud when a canvas painted all white sells for $5 million.

4.  After the person next to you has just paid $16 million for a Ce'zanne,
    turn to him and say, "It's a beautiful work.  It looks just like the
    original."

5.  After telling the auctioneer about your "extensive" art collection,
    ask if "Manet" is just "monet" misspelled.

6.  Ask if Gainsborough painted anything on black velvet.

7.  Tell the auctioneer you need to buy "some classy art" and want the
    name of an insurance company that "doesn't ask a lot of questions".

8.  Buy one of Picasso's unfinished paintings and say that you, as an
    amateur painter, will consider it an honor to complete the master's
    work.
******************************************************************************

Chapter One contains:

TIBERIUS, BETELGEUSE, IRON CROSS, GUERNICA, TEUNISGEK, WOLF BLITZER,
THE COMMANDERS, THE SUTHERLAND CONFLICT, NOW AND ZEN, TRUST ME!, PANIPAT

And is published by eric_s_klien@cup.portal.com/Eric Klien

Chapter Two contains:

A TON OF JUDGE GAMES

And is published by nick@sunburn.waterloo.edu/Nick Fitzpatrick

-------------
Chapter One
-------------

Table of Contents:

Quiz Winner, Per Westling, Speaks.
Quiz Creater, Jamie Dreier, Speaks.
1897 Variant Comments
Five-man Diplomacy Variants
Diplomacy in 1996 or fifteen years from now by Gary L. Coughlan
Most Common year of Elimination for each Country
The Diplomacy Player's Drinking Song
----

From: c85perwe@und.ida.liu.se

Oh wow, did I win!
Yes, my address is:

Per Westling              |
c/o Lindh, Drabantg 11    |  c85perwe@und.ida.liu.se
S-583 46 LINKOPING        |  In praise of Idleness -- Bertrand Russel
SWEDEN                    |

I hope my winning didn't screw the available prize money too much, me
living in Sweden...  I suppose I will accept it by surface if air mail
is to expensive.  ((I sent it to him via air.  We at ELECTRONIC PROTOCOL
has some class.))

My sub did run out some issues ago.

>3. Sevastopol:  Sevastopol, Armenia, Ankara, Constantinople, Bulgaria
>ec, Black Sea, Rumania;  7 spaces.
>   Rumania:  See Sevastopol.
>   Armenia:  See Sevastopol.
>   Ankara:  See Sevastopol.
>   StP nc:  StP nc, Barents, Norway, Skagerak, Sweden, North Sea,
>Norwegain Sea;  7 spaces as well.
>   No more.
>
>((Jamie agrees with him on Sev, Arm, Rum, and Stp.  They disagree
>over Ank.  I think Jamie is right here.))

Yes, Ank was wrong.

The new quiz was harder, but as I don't want to risk win again I
abstain.

/ Per Westling

From Jamie <PL436000@BROWNVM.brown.edu>

Eric,
Per did pretty well with the Fleet Quiz, esp. considering
that he didn't look at a map.
-----------------

3. Which spaces share the dubious second place distinction
for fewest second order fleet-like neighbors?

ANSWER:
Many have seven.
Sev, arm, rum have the Black and all its neighbors.
StP(nc) and StP(sc)
Tri and Ven have Adr and its 5 neighbors, plus Nap for
Ven and Gre for Tri.
I think that's it.

COMMENT:
Per includes Ank. But a fleet in Ank can move to Con, then
to Aegean (or Smyrna). Still, a good try by Per.


                          AIR LIFT

4. Suppose at the start of the game, all players cooperated
to move some given army anywhere it wanted to go. Which
army/destination would take the largest number of
moves? (This looks like an army question, but of course
it's at least as much a fleet question.)

ANSWER:
It takes the Turkish army in Smy 5 moves to get to Munich.
Oddly enough, the German army in Munich could reach Smyrna
in only three moves! Because its trek across land can be
taking place while the fleets are setting up....

Per says:

>4. I would guess that it would be to move Army Liverpool to Syria.
>This is done by the following:
>  SPRING 01  England F Lon->ENG, A Lpl->Wal, F Edi->NTH
>             France F Bre->MID
>             Italy F Nap->TYRS
>     Austria F Tri->Alb/ADR
>     Turkey F Ank->Con, A Con->Bul
>     Russia F Sev->BLA
>  FALL 01    England F ENG->MID, F NTH->ENG
>            France F MID->WES
>            Austria F ADR/Alb->ION
>            Turkey F Con->AEG, A Smy->Con
> SPRING 02  England A Wal->Smy Convoyed by lots of fleets
> FALL 02    England A Smy->Syria
>So it isn't hard for English armies to reach coastal spaces (from Smy
>you can reach Armenia, so Sev is 5 steps away).  How about an area in
>the inner part of Europe?  Budapest?  Well, convoy to Albania instead
>of Smyrna and Budapest is reachable by land (Alb->Serbia->Budapest).
>Other inner parts may be reached by A Lpl->Yor->Den (C Nth)->Lva (C
>BAL)->War->Ukr or Lva->Mos->Sev or Den->Pru->Sil->Gal.  So the
>farthest is A Lpl->Sevastopol, 5 steps.
------------

Another good try.
But Con can be reached from Lvp in three moves. Use the first
two moves Per gave, then in Spring '02 convoy Lvp-Con instead of
Lvp-Smy. From Con, the Russian fleet in Black can convoy
the English army into Sev. (A convoy into Bul in Spring '02
would be just as good.)

Per seems to have a very good mental map of the board, so I am a little
surprised that he does not seem to know that Bohemia is the most
"inner" space.
I have to admit that right off hand, I can't see how Army Lvp could
reach Galicia in fewer than five moves. Same for Ukr.

ERIC>(Both Jamie and Per have given 5 step answers.  Perhaps they're both
ERIC>right?))

He's wrong about Sev, but Gal and Ukr may be 5-steppers from Lvp.

---------------------------

                UNANSWERABLE FIRE
5. An army occupies space X, and a fleet occupies Y (count
different coasts as different Y's). The army can attack the
fleet, but for the fleet to attack the army would require
n moves. For which X and Y is n largest?

ANSWER:
Pie and Ven, in either direction, of course.

Per says:

5. X = Livonia, Y = StP nc, n = 4

Again, a nice try. But for Pie/Ven, n = 5.

Jamie

From: amt5man@SUN.LEEDS.AC.UK
Subject: 1897 Variant

I don't have the 1898 rules to hand, so I'm not too sure how the rule's have
been changed, but here are some comments on the proposals for an 1897
variant.

(1) STARTING POSITIONS

(a) It has long been recognised that one of the major problems with the
    regular board is the Ven/Tri problem.  Many variants have been designed
    which attempt to eliminate this problem by redrawing that part of the
    map.  (Abstraction, Milan, Croatia, Davis et al).

    If anything the problem will be worse in 1897, you have to go for as
    many centers as possible in this variant to get as good a position as
    possible in 1899 and you can't afford to lose any of your centers.
    A 1898 stab by either Austria/Italy on the other will be devestating.

    The solution is simple.  The starting positions need to be such that
    Austria and Italy do not start with adjacent supply centers.

(b) The distribution of non-supply centers is going to create an
    imbalence in the game.  It's far better to start *near* a huge chunk
    of centers.

    We can go some way towards eliminating this problem by giving some powers
    a choice of initial supply center.

    I suggest that England, France, Germany,
    and Italy be allowed to chose their initial
    supply center.  (Any of their normal 1901 centers)

    Russia should be allowed to chose any initial center accept St.P.

    Austria and Turkey present something of a problem.  I'm not too happy
    with the prospect of Turkey starting in Con, but I'll let it pass for
    the moment.  (Perhaps Smy would create a more ballenced opening position?)
    I would be tempted to restrict Austria to owning either Tri or Vie
    (but most definitely not *Ser*).

    You will notice that means that a player could chose to start in a
     non-coastal province.  I think that this gives the players more options
    and creates more scope for Diplomacy.  In my version the game would
    start with a period of Diplomacy before Winter 1898 builds.  After this
    Diplomacy the game would start with players chosing their initial
    supply centers.  The game would then proceed as per the 1897 rules.

   Mark.


From: amt5man@SUN.LEEDS.AC.UK

Due to ever increasing old-age I can't remember if I have posted these
two five-player variants before...

===========================================================================
                        FIVE-MAN DIPLOMACY rf01/05
                         BY ALAN CALHAMER

A. The 5-Man Diplomacy Game as given in the 1961 Rulebook.

   1.  Bul, Rum, and *all* of Russia and Turjey are omitted from the
       playing board.  Finland is *not* considered part of Russia.
       Black Sea and Aegen are *directly* connected.  (Black Sea has no
       use other than as a Retreat space for a dislodged (AEG).)

   2.  There are 25 remaining Supply Centers.

   3.  First player to own 13 Supply Centers at the end of a Fall move is
       the winner.
=========================================================================
Comment by Fred C.Davis Jnr in Bushwacker 199 (July 1988).

   Suggested optional rule.  Give Finland a north coast touching
Barents Sea.  This makes that province more useful.  Finland did have a
n.c until 1940 when Russia took it back.

Retyped for email distribution by Mark Nelson
<amt5man@sun.ecusun.leeds.ac.uk> on 23rd July 1992
=========================================================================

===========================================================================
                        FIVE-MAN DIPLOMACY REVISED rf04/05
                         BY ALAN CALHAMER and FRED C.DAVIS JNR

A. The 5-Man Diplomacy Game as given in the 1961 Rulebook.

   1.  Moscow, Sev, Ukraine, Rumania and all of Turkey are impassable.
       Finland, Livonia and St. Pete are passable, but St. Pete is *not*
       a Supply Center.  Warsaw is passable and a *neutral* SC, i.e.,
       Poland.  Black Sea and Aegean are *directly* connected.
       (Bulgaria has a Black Sea coast).

   2.  There are 27 remaining Supply Centers.

   3.  First player to own 14 Supply Centers at the end of a Fall move is
       the winner.

The following was typed by Mark Nelson.
Subject: What will we be doing in 1996?

((Reprinted from Europa Express \#10, December 1981.))

              DIPLOMACY IN 1996 OR FIFTEEN YEARS FROM NOW
                           BY GARY L. COUGHLAN

   Let us put 1996 in some perspective before we look closely at the
hobby.  A very popular Jerry Brown (former governor of California) has
been the President of the United States (all 51, including Puerto
Rico) for the last four years and faces an easy re-election this fall.
King Charles III of Great Britain and the ever lovely Queen Diana celebrate
their fourth year on the throne.  (Queen Elizabeth II abdicated after a
reign of forty years).  The world looks forward to the 21st Century
with high hopes.  And the postal diplomacy hobby enters its 33rd year
of existence.

   I said ``postal diplomacy''.  That is not strictly true in this
extremely electronic modern age.  A letter costs \$1.00 to mail and a post
card goes for sixty cents.  However, all letters within North America
are delivered the next day while a letter anywhere else in the world takes
two--three days.  The average annual salary of the working diplomacy
player is \$80,000 for the normal four day, twenty-eight hour week
(not including overtime).

   Most diplomacy is carried out via the visual telephone screen where
opponents and potential allies and enemies can see each other.  No less
a pundit than Mark Berch has said that this `video dip' is virtually
the same as, if not superior to, face-to-face dip.  This form
of diplomacy is expensive when compared to a letter especially when calling
overseas, but it has greatly broadened the appeal of the hobby to the
growing leisure classes of the Western World.  (Some even tape these
encounters to show others!).

   The hobby took a quantum leap in visibility when several celebrities
became known as addicts, among them a former US President, assorted
sports stars and even Miss America of 1989.  Miss America's interest
in the hobby, previously viewed as an almost male province, brought
women of all ages into the hobby.  Women currently make up 40\% of the
hobby.  Even the astronauts play with more earthly foes from their
Astro-Shuttles!

   The bulk of the zines in 1996 are computerized digest products and
feature color graphics.  Virtually all are on two--week schedules
although a handful of weekly zines exist for those who are more interested
in fast games.  Only two zines still cling to their old deadlines from the
1963--1985 period of the hobby: Rod Walker's Diplomacy World comes out
every three months and John Boardman's Graustark appears once a month
as it has from the very beginning of the hobby.\footnote{Gary is wrong,
Graustark appeared two-weekly in the 1960's.}

   Diplomacy World  will soon come out with its long anticipated
``Issue 100''.  This is still considered a major milestone because
DW only publishes every three months and so it reached its 100th
the hard way.  To gain some perspective, we must remember that most zines
in 1996 reach their 50th issues by the end of their second year of
publication.  Two-week deadlines have brought the goal of `Issue 100'
within the reach of almost any publisher.

   But, in any category, Graustark still stands out.  Bets have even been
taken about which event will happen first this year: whether Graustark
will reach its 1000th issue or John Boardman will admit he is finally
65 years old.  No other zine now being published is even close to
`Issue 500' much less No 1000.

   The average sub fee is \$30.00/12 issues which covers a six-month
period.  Zines are published on all continents and rare indeed is the
game which doesn't have at least three different continents represented
in it.  In the pre-1989 era of the hobby, the most `exotic' players
to encounter were women, Europeans or Americans (depending on where
you lived) and Canadians.  Today it is generally acknowledged to be
astronauts from one of the Astro-Shuttles, a player from the
Communist-Bloc and South Americans.  And who can predict what it will
be fifteen years from now?  I know I can't!

==============================================================================

=========================================================================
Retyped for email distribution by Mark Nelson
<amt5man@sun.ecusun.leeds.ac.uk> on 23rd July 1992
=========================================================================

The following was submitted by Mark Nelson.

Summarized from Dolchstoss 166 (August 1992):

There have been approximately 1500 games of postal diplomacy
played to completition in the UK since the first game started in
1969.  There have been 3105 eliminations (about 2 per game).
Austria is eliminated more often than anyone else and France
less often, the league table being:  A 618, G 457, I 444,
E 435, R 428, T 424, F 299.

   49 people have been eliminated in 1902: 43 Austrian's, 3 French,
2 Germans and 1 Russia.  In one remarkable game G & A were both
eliminated in 1902.

   Eliminations in 1903 are relative common (200) and more than half
(103) are AUstrian.  THe best chance of surviving until 1904 is Italy.

   The most common year of elimination for each country is:

A 1903
G 1904
E 1905
I 1906
F/R/T 1907

mark

From: amt5man@SUN.LEEDS.AC.UK
Subject: THE DIPLOMACY PLAYER'S DRINKING SONG

============================================================================
((Reprinted from Graustark 317, 14th September 1974.))

                  THE DIPLOMACY PLAYERS' DRINKING SONG
                         BY EVAN JONES

All those who've used the Dippy board
Or allies have impaled, sir,
Have great distrust for spoken word
Or they've already failed, sir.
But one thing that we've all intoned
As it would well appear, sir!
That when we play, we should be stoned
And drink a sixpack a year, sir.\footnote{ At six cans a year, ten
years a game, and ten games a year, you can have six
hundred cans a year, excluding interludes of imbibulation between
games.  Makes a man glad to be alive! (EJ)  It cannot be stressted
too strongly that this means a sixpack per *game* year, *not* per
calendar year. (JB)}


When Allan Calhamer was young,
Of one thing we are sure, sir:
The thought of cold beer on his tongue
For him was quite a lure, sir.
With talent like Shakespeare, sir,
And when he grew, that A. B. C.
Designed the great Diplomacy
With the help of a sixpack a year, sir.

Whenever Resinsel plays a game,
He's ground beneath the hoof, sir.
Hawaian Punch his mind will tame,
And this provides us proof, sir,
That sober souls are swept aside
By diplomatic cheer, sir.
All decent players must abide
By the rule of a sixpack a year, sir.

O great von Metzke, honored one,
He is a superstar, sir;
To him great honor still be done,
The greatest one by far, sir.
He says, ``You soon will be all right''
``If to the left you veer, sir.''
``And trimuph in our well-fought fight''
``If you drink a sixpack a year, sir.''


When John Boardman was in his prime,
He knew it straight and clear, sir,
That even in a decade's time
He still would print his `zine, sir,
That quality was guaranteed,
And that he'd have no fear, sir,
That if, when GRAUSTARK was in seed,
He'd drink his sixpack a year, sir.

When Robert Lipton tied for first
In `71EC,
He said, ``If Borman didn't thirst''
``For beer, I'd have won easy.''
``We *both* drank till we nearly died''
``And though it may seem queer, sir,''
``We drank the same, and so we tied;''
``We both drank a sixpack a year, sir.''

Continued Lipton, ``Though well brewed,''
``Your logic I'll refine, sir:''
``Your ann'l sixpack should include''
``A quart of Rhenish wine, sir.''
``So to this hearty supplement''
``Your fancy now endear, sir:''
``I hope you keep your elbow bent---''
``Drink a quart and a sixpack a year, sir.''

The great Birsan I'd not neglect,
Almighty  he should stand, sir.
And if to Godhood we'd elect
Someone, he'd win offhand, sir.
But to the greatest God he bows
And will bring up the rear, sir;
To ale, full credit he allows
And he drinks his sixpack a year, sir.

Beshara says, ``It is (for me)''
``Impossible to think, sir,''
``Unless you play Diplomacy,''
``Make merry, eat and *drink*, sir.''
``I drink by day and drink by night;''
``To my oath I adhere, sir:''
``All forms of temperance I fight,''
``And I drink my sixpack a year, sir.''

``Now Duncan Smith's a man to beat;
If done you'd show some pride, sir.
And though he may have some conceit,
It's surely justified, sir.
He says, ``The only way to win''
``Is gurgle down the beer, sir:''
``To reach success, you can't begin''
``Till you drink your sixpack a year, sir!''

O hERbErt BARenTs, hail to thee,\footnote{There are *no* typos from MN in
this verse!}
To you we give a cheer, sir.
Your `zine's of highest quality;
You gulp your ale and beer, sir:
A cheerfual chap like Tony Belch,
Not tragic, like King Lear, sir,
But one who thinks of nothing elch
But his games and a sixpack a year, sir

About Ray Heuer, there's no room
For doubt that he'll succed, sir,
For with a great `zine like *Carn Dum*
He'll soon be great indeed, sir.
For Gilbert Neiger, I will vouch
He's wiser than a seer, sir!
O genius, now behind *The Pouch*!
And they both drink a sixpack a year, sir.

Penelope we'll ne'er forget,
We mourn to see her gone, sir.
*Memoria cius incendet*:
Her memory burns on, sir.
We mourn to see the old girl's death,
For her we shed a tear, sir;
And I am sure with her last breath
She drank a sixpack a year, sir.\footnote{A New York Conspiracy injoke
about with *The Pouch* ---MN}

Now Kasanov has done me wrong
(That day he's gonna rue, sir)
By ripping off this drinking song\footnote{reference to *The Pocket
Armenian* \# 1, last page ---EJ}
And I am gonna sue, sir.
With reputation I will dim;
I'll uin his career, sir,
For plagiarizing this great hymn
And degrading a sixpack a year, sir.

When you hear Ulanov agree-
ing with the IDA, sir.
You'll soon see his subscibers flee-
Ing on that fateful day, sir.
How can *The Pouch* support that crow
Of level-headed drear, sir,
Who our most sacred rite eschew:
To drink a sixpack a year, sir.

Ver Ploeg and Rocamore too,
Verheiden and the rest, sir,
Lakofka, Power, great ones who
Assist us in our quest, sir,
For greater things in life, you see,
And though some morons jeer, sir,
We must resolve --- both you and me\footnote{Sorry about that, heh heh!
Poetic license, you know! --- EJ}
To drink a sixpack a year, sir.

To Bytwerk, Naus, Antosiak,
To Eller, Smythe, and Ward, sir,
All those who stab us in the back,
We hail with one accord, sir.
Zelansky, Prosnitz, Beyerlein,
Bring wisdom to your car, sir,
Right temperance and give the sign
Of approval to sixpack a year, sir.

Of beer you can't imbibe too much.
Say sages quite profound, sir;
The drink improves the mind, as such
And makes the world spin round, sir.
So we will drink the livelong day
And let our minds be freer, sir;
We'll watch that map of Europe sway
To the tune of a sixpack a year, sir.

If you desire to rise to fame
And your opponents hedge, sir.
Just bolt it down between each game
And give yourself the edge, sir.
And our revels and our fun,
We'll shout it loud and clear, sir,
``We'll drink from dusk to rising sun''
``We'll drink a sixpack a year, sir!''
============================================================================

I could write a paper explaining all the references, in-jokes and
providing a comments, but
I can't be bothered. I just
hope that most people get the general idea.

amt5man@sun.leeds.ac.uk
=============================================================================

Publisher comments:

Quote is from page 62 of the latest issue of FYI, published by Forbes.

I need scribes to type in articles.  I am also interested in people's
experiences with scanners.  I would like to know what brands of scanners
and OCR software are the best.  I am also very interested in finding one
player for a new 1914 game.

******************************************************************************
To join in the fun, send your name, home address, home and work phone numbers,
            and country preferences to Eric_S_Klien@cup.portal.com.
******************************************************************************
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU