From: julie@eddie.jpl.nasa.gov (Julie Kangas)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: sore loser post
Date: 13 Oct 92 13:27:58 GMT
Organization: Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, CA


This isn't exactly a sore loser -- more like a sore user.  I'll
plead extenuating circumstances (very little sleep for about a
week) for having come up with an answer and then sending off
a #!%%*&#!@ null response to the oracle.  Oh well.  

*************************************

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> 
>   Oh great and powerful oracle, whose nose goblins delight us all, whose
> breath even on mornings when thou hasn't had time to brush is still more
> fragrant than the most rare & beautiful rose, please tell your most unworthy
> and lowly supplicant, who is in truly dire need of a shave, this:
> 
>   Which end of the candy corn sold around halloween is 'up'? Is it the orange
> or the yellow end? And since a stalk of real corn grows upwards, should one
> take care to eat the corn from the sides so as not to offend the natural
> order of the earth? What would be the penalty if this were such the case?
> Your answer will be most honored.
> 

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} It's amazing how many superstitions exist even today.  I mean,
} it was one thing to be worried about pissing off powerful
} entities when you mortals were scrounging around in caves worrying 
} about loosing fire, but today you should know better!  A little 
} scientific knowledge can usually clear up these old beliefs which 
} needn't worry you in these modern times.  (Of course, the Oracle's
} existance is substantiated well enough that you had better be
} plenty concerned about not pissing Me off).
} 
} ************
} SCIENCE LESSON FOR TODAY FROM DR. ORACLE:
} 
} Candy corn is more than a children's (or child-like adult's) candy
} at Halloween.  It is actually an elementary particle.  Discovered
} in 1856 it has long intrigued scientists with its many properties.
} 
} Candy corn will lead to the discovery of the 12th basic force 
} (twelve by My count.  You mortals still have a way to go yet) 
} which is similiar to the strong nuclear force in some ways.  When 
} far apart, candy corns exert very little force on each other -- a
} slight repelling.  Within approximately two candy corn radii, the
} force becomes weakly attracting, hence the ability to contain
} a small number of candy corns easily in a small bag.  Within
} one candy corn radius the force is strongly repelling except in
} the presence of heat (and very many candy corns) when the force 
} is strongly attracting.  After an easily calculable decay time, 
} this attracting force goes to zero.  You may have noticed this 
} when your candy corn clumped together, only to come apart easily 
} after several weeks in the closet.
} 
} Candy corns can exist in one of six different energy states:
} top (pointy end), bottom (blunt end), up (upper flat side), 
} down (lower flat side), E1 (edge 1), and E2 (edge 2) {The scientists 
} having lost whatever small imagination they had at this point}.
} The top state is the highest energy and E2 the lowest and like
} all things, high energy states tend to decay into low energy
} states given enough time.  
}
} Naturally enough, eating candy corns can be a bit risky.  In
} 99 out of 100 cases, the candy corn will not change states
} between when you eat it and when you excrete it.  However,
} as with all probabilites, eventually you'll get unlucky. A low
} energy transition, say from down to E1, will have very little
} impact on you if you have eaten the candy corn -- perhaps a
} slightly upset stomach.  However, a top to E2 transition 
} will have disasterous effects.  No doubt in distant times
} people witnessed an unfortunate person exploding right
} after eating a candy corn.  This led to the superstition
} that you had to eat candy corn "the right way" or "from the
} correct side."  
} 
} There are ways to determine what energy state a candy corn is
} in and when it will transition but you don't have the 
} technology yet.  So in the meantime, enjoy your Halloween
} candy and good luck!
} 
} *************
} 
} You owe the Oracle a thesis on the tenth force as discovered
} in Easter marshmellow chickens.