From: ljs4@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (LEE J. STANLEY)
Newsgroups: rec.music.gdead
Subject: Re: Ugly Rumor-mongerers
Date: 14 Apr 92 11:52:07 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <1992Apr14.034137.25588@news.cso.uiuc.edu>, bruce@uxc.cso.uiuc.edu (B
ruce Krueger) writes:
>Kent Stewart <kstewart@td2cad.intel.com> writes:
>>Sure we care about him. Sure we're addicted to the little rushes
>>we get off of his superb musicianship. That gives us absolutely
>>*no* phucking right to smear his name publicly on a casual, careless
>
>>Think about your actions, people. They matter. Rumors are harmful
>>to people. Real, feeling people, not cultural icons. And every damned
>>rumor spreads just like this.
>
>>We don't live in a vacuum. Careless actions can create chain-reactions
>>of repercussions that end up hurting people we care about. If we
>>*really* care, we take responsibility for what we do. If we *don't*
>>really care, then we ain't worth one whole hell of a lot in my
>>ever so humble opinion.
>   *******
>   ok, I agree with what you're saying, basically, and I appreciate your
>   concern and respect for other peoples' reputation and right to privacy
>   even the right/ability to choose their own path in the world, make choices,
>   live their own life...
>
>   however (and I'm not trying to get on a soapbox by doing this -- that's
>   usually an invitation to become the target of multitudinous flames, not
>   to mention over-ripe fruit), consider:  what do you do with a friend,
>   or even a casual acquaintance (or, for that matter, a complete stranger)
>   who's doing something which you know/believe to be dangerous/likely to
>   have a negative effect on their future well-being?
>
>   one extreme example:  do you (attempt to) stop someone who wants to put
>   a gun to their head and pull the trigger?
>   ...stop someone who's really depressed and drunk from going home and
>   downing half the contents of her medicine chest?
>   ...take the keys from a friend who is so shit-faced on alcohol that he'd
>   be a menace to himself and anyone else on the road, and whose judgement
>   is so obliterated that he doesn't care?
>   ...try to talk a friend who's on the down side of a roller-coaster rela-
>   tionship that things'll pan out, rather than have him make a 'cry for help'
>   in the form of a faux suicide attempt with a running car and a closed space?
>
>   lest you think I'm merely playing a sophist, I'll tell you -- I've had
>   friends 'buy the ranch' via all the methods alluded to above (except the
>   second one, who ended up aspirating vomit and spending the better part of
>   the ensuing year in intensive care with a set of lungs that may have 10% of
>   their original capacity left.   ...if she's lucky), and I didn't happen to
>   be around when they went critical.  I don't know, maybe neither I nor anyone
>   else could've done anything to improve the situation, but I guess I'm not
>   that fatalistic.  so where's this leading?
>
>   so what'd'ya do with someone you know who's doing smack (just a hypothe-
>   tical proposition here, y'unnerstan'..)???
>
>   is it easier to deal with afterwards if they use a needle instead of a gun?
>
>
>   true, we each have to take responsibility for ourselves, yet sometimes we
>   each need a little help along the way.  I'm sure no one enjoys having their
>   dirty laundry aired in public, and I'm not suggesting that rumormongers
>   be encouraged, or even tolerated, but I think that there was more than
>   mere curiousity in the original poster's message -- I read a fair amount
>   (I'll have to assume) genuine concern.  what do you do with concern for
>   someone you admire and respect, but know only secondarily or tertiarily?
>   try to find someone who *does* know them to help them?  encourage someone
>   else to ask if they need a hand, if everything's ok?  I guess I don't
>   have the answer, just a lot of questions, and a fair amount of concern...
>
>
>
>   bruce
>

OK, somewhat against my better judgement, I'll jump into this one.  Bongo is
right in  the abstract, AND in the concrete specific situation.  Bruce says
many right things, but I don't see that they APPLY to the concrete specific
situation.  Why not?  Because if the only way one has to show one's concern is
to post to the Net, then it seems to me that one lacks sufficient proximity to
the object of the concern to have any real effect.  After some reflection,
this should make it clear to the concerned party that IN THIS INSTANCE, there
is very little CONSTRUCTIVE that she/he can do to act on their concern, and
that the appropriate course of action is either do nothing, or take steps to
gain the necessary proximity (in a non-invasive way, one hopes!; write a
private letter to xxxx, or whatever),  OR, to redirect the sort of awareness
and compassion for the (distant) object of concern to some not-so-distant
people, things, systems (ecosystems, e.g.) to which the concerned party has
sufficient proximity to achieve a positive effect.  Look around, you'll find
plenty of reasons to be concerned quite close to you, and lots of REASONABLE
channels into which to put your compassion, energy, and your "good stuff".
Make sense?  I hope so!

Best,

L.