From: jns@wam.umd.edu (J. N. Shaumeyer)
Subject: homo-sects
Originator: jns@rac2.wam.umd.edu
Organization: Militant Homosexual Lobby, Gay Lifestyle, Inc.
Date: Fri, 31 Jul 1992 05:15:17 GMT


Michael A. Thomas (mike@gordian.com) ponders, and
puts the question into words:

> If the gay community had an analogous community structure 
> as "church" where people gather in a social and lightly 
> political setting on a regular basis things might be 
> vastly different.
>
> What can be done about all of this? I wish I knew :-(
 
Roger Crice (rcrice@cbnewsb.cb.att.com) beats me
to the answer:
 
> ... I want to know where I can go to have
> homosexuality declared a religion, homosexuals its
> parishioners, and "homosexual behavior" its rites?

I've been thinking about just this for some time now,
reflecting on the willful perversion of language and law
undertaken by the Fundamentalist Fascists in the name
of their so-called Christian jihad; realizing that it
is guerilla warfare where the ends justify any means.

Not so long ago, for instance, Creation Myth was
repackaged, new & improved, as Creation Science and,
one science being as good as another, ready therefore
to demand its place in the schools in the name of
equity.  [Equity is a particularly slippery concept, 
requiring a very keen mind and inordinate amount of 
faith for its correct interpretation.]

Even more suggestive were the revelations about
Humanism.  Clearly, it wouldn't do to turn religion
into non-religion, so to get Religion into the schools
[where it belonged, in the name of equity], it was
necessary to turn 'Secular' Humanism [odd the emphasis
on the word 'secular'] into a Religion!  Fortunately,
that ploy didn't work too well either.

And so on, with the latest tactic being fear-mongering,
via a call to arms to protect Traditional Family Values,
to scare the populace into voting for measures that
will, in perpetuity, outlaw the condoning of homosexuality.
[Condone in this instance meaning not to beat the hell
out of whenever possible.]

Being led to see that I, an atheist, had actually been
practicing a Religion, has led me to discover other
important truths, of which this is only one:

Homosexuality *is* a Religion.

Oh yes.  This is quite clear, for it has all the hallmarks,
and recognizing it as such gives us remarkable benefits
[some of which were alluded to by Roger Crice].  Already
we have a head start in piety, since, as is well known,
we are *obsessed* with Religion.

Foremost, perhaps, is the instant, righteous, moral
superiority that we gain.  Homosexuality is now a *moral*
question which is unassailably *correct* because it is
a basic tenet of our religion.  This, coupled in America
at least with our Constitutional Separation of Church
and State, instantly gives us the freedom to ram it
down other people's throats.  [Otherwise knows as Freedom
of Religion.]

Said Separation also means that we can ignore, with
impunity, most laws which we find annoying; given our
newly discovered Religious freedoms, we are now exempt
from sodomy laws.  Our Freedom of Religion also means
that we are free of discrimination, but free to exclude
anyone we choose [lest they offend our morality, of
course].

Then there's the matter of our religious iconography.
At the very least, it becomes possible to send it 
through the U.S. mail.  Condoms could be passed out
on streetcorners as an expression of our religious
freedom.  I would expect, also, that artistic objectivity 
now guarantees federal funding for large Maplethorpe 
exhibitions.  [See separation of Church and State, above.]

If we choose, we could declare that pacifism is a basic
belief of our Religion, and that it would be contrary
to our teachings to join the military.  This, surely,
would be the fastest way to lift the ban on homosexuals
in the military.  

The mind reels at the incredible potential.  TV evangelism
takes on a whole new meaning.  Just think of the revivals,
the socials, the sidewalk preachers.  Not even to mention
the fun to be had with, say, leather vestments.  Our
religion is certainly nonpareil when it comes to ritual;
speaking in tongues regains it legitimacy.

For years, when I heard the phrase "my body is a temple",
I thought it was offered metaphorically.  Now I see it
otherwise.  Our bodies are indeed the place where we
practice our worship of homosexuality.  Several benefits
accrue here too: overhead is minimized, reroofing is
rarely called for, and there's always a church near at
hand, not to mention the obvious tax benefits.  [I will 
avoid, for now, any remarks about church organs.]

A perennial problem for most religions is how to keep
the numbers in the congregation strong, indeed, how to
make the congregation *grow*.  But, for us, missionary 
work is no problem.  It is widely know that a secret 
network of homosexuals is already in place, fighting to 
recruit youngsters so that their souls might be saved.  
Our job is to see that these good works continue.

Worship today at the church of your choice.

--jns  [kisses to W.H.]
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