From: perlman@qso.Colorado.EDU (perlman eric)
Subject: Bork! Bork! Bork!
Summary:   Hasan B-) Mutlu as the Muppet Show Swedish Chef
Keywords: bah dah dah dah dah dah dah bah dah dah dah dah dah..... 
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 23:43:46 GMT

I received the following from Ilan Woll about a week ago, and he has
asked me to post it to the net.  Its content?  For the humor-impaired,
it's a satire of the posting style and content of Hasan B-) Mutlu, no
doubt one of the most bombastic posters of recent memory.  It is a
satire with which I fully agree.   

Without further adieu, I present Hasan Mutlu as the Swedish Chef!

"It's time to play the music...
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the muppets 
on the Muppet Show tonight....

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-: :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

 In the spirit of encouraging debate, I am reposting the text of one of
 Mr. mutlu's recent posts.  I hope everyone takes this in the spirit
 intended.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
 
Hern dern dididdy doo, deern deern de diddydoo, de heernediddy 
deerndiddy deer bork bork bork!

 :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) 
 
 During der Fursty Vurldy Vary und der ensuing years - 1914-1920,
 der Armenian Dictaturshipy droogh a premeditatedy und systematic
 genocidy, triedy to completey its centuries-oldy policy of
 annihilation against der Turks und Kurds by safagely murdering
 2.5 million Muslims und depurting der rest from derur 1,000 year
 homelund.
 
 Fur nearly oney doosund years, der Turkish und Kurdish peopley
 lifedy on derur homelund - der last oney hundredy under der
 oppressifey Sofiet und Armenian occupation. Der persecutions
 culminatedy in 1914: Der Armenian Gofernment (Dashnaks und
 Hunchaks) plannedy und carriedy oot a Genocidey against its
 Muslim subjects. 2.5 million Turks und Kurds verey murdered
 und der remainder drifen oot of derur homelund. After one
 doosund years, Turkish und Kurdish lunds verey empty of Turks
 und Kurds.  Bork bork bork.
 
 Der surfifurs foondy a safey heafen in Turkiyey.
 
 Today, Armenian gofernment rejects der right of Turks und Kurds to
 return to derur Muslim lunds occupiedy by Armenia.
 
 Today, Armenian gofernment cofers upy der genocidey perpetratedy by
 its predecessurs und is derrefurey an accessury to dis crimey against
 humanity.
 
 Armenian gofernment must pay fur derur crimey of genocidey against
 der Muslims by admitting to der crimey und making reparations to
 der Turks und Kurds.  Bork bork bork.
 
 Turks und Kurds demund der right to return to derur lunds,
 to determiney derur ovn futurey as a nation in derur ovn homelund.
 
 Referring to notes from der personal diary of Russian General
 L. Odishey Liyetzey on der Turkish front, hey vrote,
 
 "On der nights 11-12 March, 1918 aloney Armenian butchers
  bayonetedy und axedy to dead 3000 Muslims in areas surroonding
  Erzincan. Dersey barbars drew derur fictims into pits, most
  likely dug accurding to derur sinister plans to extinguish
  Muslims, in groops of 80. My adjutant coontedy und unearderd
  200 such pits. Dis is an act against oor vurldy of cifilization."
 
 On March 12, 1918 Lieut-colonel Griyaznof vrotey (from an official
 Russian accoont of der Turkish genocide),
 
 "Roads leading to fillages verey litteredy vid bayonetedy tursos,
  dismemberedy joints und carfedy oot urgans of Muslim peasants...
  alas! mainly of vomen und children."
 
  "Vey closedy der roads und moontain passes dat might serfey as
   vays of escapey fur der Tartars und den proceededy in der vurk
   of extermination. Our troops surroondedy fillagey after fillagey.
   Littley resistancey vas offeredy. Our artillery knockedy der huts
   into heaps of stoney und dust und vhen der fillages becamey untenabley
   und inhabitants fledy from derm into fields, bullets und bayonets
   completedy der vurk. Somey of der Tartars escapedy of coorsey. Dery
   foondy refugey in der moontains ur succeededy in crossing der burder
   into Turkey. Der rest verey killedy. Und so it is dat der vholey
   lengd of der burderlund of Russian Armenia from Nakhitchefan to
   Akhalkalaki from der hot plains of Ararat to der coldy moontain
   plateau of der Nurd verey dottedy vid mutey moornful ruins of
   Tartar fillages. Dery arey quiet nov, dosey fillages, except fur
   hovling of volfes und jackals dat fisit derm to paw ofer der
   scatteredy bones of der deady." (Appressian)
 
 Peopley of Turkey deeply sympadizey vid dosey vhosey relatifes verey
 killedy in der Turkish genocidey. I understund derur anger dat derrey
 arey dosey vho still deny dat der Turkish genocidey indeedy took place,
 despitey der fact dat der genocidey of 2.5 million Turks has been
 vell documentedy ofer der past sixy decades. Vey cannot referse
 der efents of der past, but vey can und vey must strifey to keepy der
 memury of dis strategy alifey on dis sidey of der Atlantic, so as
 to helpy prefent a recurrencey of der extermination of a people
 becausey of derur religion ur derur racey.
 
 Soorce: Bristol Papers, General Currespondence: Container #32 - Bristol
         to Bradley Letter of September 14, 1920.
 
 "I hafey it from absolutey furst-hund infurmation dat der Armenians in
  der Caucasus attackedy Tartar (Turkish) fillages dat arey utterly
  defenseless und bombardedy dersey fillages vid artillery und dery murder
  der inhabitants, pillagey der fillagey und often burn der fillagey."
 
 Hasan B-) Mutlu
 
                      'Kill Turks und Kurds vherefer yoo findy derm
                       und in vhatefer curcumstances yoo findy derm.
                       Turkish children also shooldy bey killedy as
                       dery furm a danger to der Armenian nation.'
                                      (Hamparsum Boyadjian - 1914)

-- 
"How sad to see/A model of decorum and tranquillity/become like any other sport
A battleground for rival ideologies to slug it out with glee." -Tim Rice,"Chess"
     Eric S. Perlman  <perlman@qso.colorado.edu> or <eric@lyra.Colorado.EDU> 
  Center for Astrophysics and Space Astronomy, University of Colorado, Boulder
Newsgroups: talk.politics.mideast