From: bearcub@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Husky Cub)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Age-gap relationships
Date: 8 Nov 1992 20:51:09 GMT
Organization: Computing Services Division, University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <1992Nov5.190053.24326@spdcc.com> rdonahue@spdcc.com (Bob Donahue) writes:
>
>	Anyway, while the "g" word has never quite been uttered, we've
>been playing this dancing around game for YEARS.  And they've dropped
>enough hints that I'm surehtey "know" but for some reason want it unsaid.
>It's not denial, per se, and it's not unacceptance - I don't know
>what to call it.  but since it isn't interfering with my life, I
>choose not to shake the tree... (there are enough nuts on the ground
>about my faily tree as it is!)

Oh my...this sounds VERY familiar. Lessee...how should I put this for the
third time(my first two trials at responding to this didn't do through).
Well, I'm a in a daddybear/bearcub relationship. The age difference is 
25 years. The situation is kinda the same, although I've just started with
the "game" with my parents. It isn't interfering with my life in a BIG
way, so I just let sleeping dogs lie. Although I do play sort or a mind game
with them. For instance, my mom knows how old he is. She also has the idea 
that he is just "a friend from school". I have thrown weird things into her
head like telling her that I am sleeping over at his house(this isn't a normal
thing for me to do. She is used to me staying over at high school friends'
houses'.) I also showed her a poster he bought me portaying a large bear 
sitting in the grass with a cub sitting against it. Her reaction was "Aww...
isn't that cute?" It seems like she either knows that I am in a serious
relationship with a man as old as my father, or she is as dumb as a brick.

	>
>	So, along comes Fred, and I move in wwith him.  Mom and Dad
>wait a few weeks then start the "so when are we going to meet your
>roommmate?" --- notice they don'tknow much about him, particularly
>that we are 20.5 years apart (at the time 49 and 29) [he is
>also by definiton the young and pretty one :-]

Haven't gone that far, YET. 

>
>	And since then we've been included in all the family things,
>holidays, etc.  So, I am certainly not complaining!

I don't think this would fly with my family. But I've been wrong about things
like this before. I don't think I'll risk it with this though.

>
>	At the same time this si the family of Irish catholics
>who are to some degree self-proclaimed bigots.  (They are really
>not deep down, but there's a lot of crap at the surface you
>have to [want to] dig under.)  IT's a strange dissonance.
>Another weird thing -they also don't mind my/our being openly
>pro-gay...  Mom for example was quite upset and vocal about the
>horrible treatment of the gay/lesbian Irish group lsat year
>at the St. Patrick's Parade... and made no bones about being
>ashemed to be both Irish and Catholic.

Sorta sounds familiar. My parents are quite bigoted, too, but I think that 
would drastically change if they knew their son was gay. They might think
twice about being blatently racist, homophobic, etc.
>
>
>	My soon-to-be sister-in-law is very nice, though we've
>only talked on the phone and seen each other for about 5 minutes.
>She's dying to meet Fred, but I really don't know what she thinks is
>going on (my brother tends to be the most in denial about this...).
>Given the way everyone else has defied prediction, I dont' dare to
>second guess her...  

My brother is clueless. If I were to give him the clues and the knowledge
I have gave my parents about the situation, I think he would have figured it
out already. Oh well, *sniff*

>	But like I said, everyone is civil and friendly, - if
>the price ofr that is not actually SAYING I'm queer verbally
>(but have my lover treated like family, etc.) it's not so bad.
>At least for the time being.

I find myself in the same situation with my friends. I don't have a "close"
family, mainly because all my relatives ar scattered all over the state. But
every cloud has a silver lining. My friends are VERY cool with it. Although
the female friends I have are a lot cooler with it, well, mainly because
it is the fact that I am no threat to them. They don't have to worry about
getting really open and friendy with me, because I'm not after them like
some of my friends are. Some of my friends are a *teenie* bit jealous of
the fact I can share my feelings as well as I do with a female. I guess that's
what happens when you are able to trade notes on men. >

>	But back to the age difference thing.  Noto nce has
>anyone questioned our age difference.  I tend to get the 
>most comments from younger gay people (usually on IRC) who
>can't apparently omprehend someone living over 40 much less
>dating/loving someone over 40.  "Why would you want
>to live with someone so old - aren't you afraid someone will die?"
>(How do you know it's not going to be me getting hit from being
>in the stray path of a falling meteor that was aimed at Al Gore?)
>Or, "Do you have anything in common?"  (Gee, no - but we thought
>our names looked so nice on the mailbox together...)  Stuff like
>that.

Ahhh, yes...some of the feeble-minded on IRC. Yes, Bob, I know what you mean.
It's a pity that people can't accept us for who we are and not who we enjoy
snuggling with, eh? :) Now living with him would be a different situation.
It would take a LOT of planning and life-balancing to move in with him.
Ah, someday, someday. I'm not afraid of anyone, including myself, dying.
I'd rather spend my time enjoying the things we do when we are alive, then 
waste time worrying about what I'm gonna think and feel when either of us
pass away. (I'm being partial to who would die first, mainly because life is
always full of surprises. I could say that he would die first, being 25 years
older than I am. But who knows? I could get run over by a bus tommorow and 
end that little theory right there.)

>	I can say that the last 18 months have been simply incredible.
>And once this #$)(%#$)(#$)(#$ thesis is written even more so!

Well, it's been 8 and a half months of pure heaven for me, and many, many
more to come. (I know that he's going to read this, so why not pour on the
extra syrup? HEY DADDYBEAR!! I LOVE YOU!! I can hear him giggling now.)
>
>BBC/Galileo-bear
>
BearCub/HuskyCub/Ursa-Minor/The other BBC

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