From: jpak@oakhill.sps.mot.com (Jim Pak)
Subject: Re: Self-examination
Reply-To: jpak@manute.sps.mot.com
Organization: Motorola Inc.  Austin, Tx.
Distribution: na
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 21:31:57 GMT

Ha ha ha.  That article by Hoyt Sze was such a crack-up.  I'm going to go
ahead and "take" this test in front of all of you.

Enjoy.  :-)

In article <156i6pINNo5k@agate.berkeley.edu> jtchern@ocf.berkeley.edu (Joseph Hernandez) writes:
>[Hoyt Sze's quiz:]
>
>   The test which I've developed, called the Asian American Personality
>Test, requires a little more imagination. Sharpen your number 2 pencils and 
>let's have some fun.
>
>1. Under what circumstances would you marry a white person?
>   a. Is this some sort of trick question?
>   b. Only if my doctor guaranteed I could have blond-haired blue-eyed children
>   c. Only if he looked like the pictures of Jesus in my picture Bible.
>   d. If I had already made some irreversible decision to sell out my community
>      and my unborn children.

(D)?  :-)  Maybe (A).  (C) doesn't make sense if you're a guy, no?  Actually,
(C) makes no sense, period.  Everybody knows Jesus looks like Willem Dafoe
in that Scorcese movie.  :-)

>2. If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?
>   a. A more fixative hair gel, a larger house in Palos Verdes (affluent So.
>      Cal. community) and an unlimited supply of arcade tokens for the ASUC
>      Underground (video arcade).
>   b. First, I'd want to be white and then--and then--wait, I still have two 
>      more wishes?
>   c. I'd meet my three best friends--the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
>   d. I'd find evidence proving that Malcolm X, Stokley Carmichael and Eldridge
>      Cleaver were all really Asian Americans.

Definitely (A).  Remember, I'm the one who complained about my hair here.  :-)

>3. Who's you role model?
>   a. Tom Vu. Check out the accent. It's worse than my Dad's! Har, har!
>   b. Amy Tan. It's weird, but I can totally relate to the characters in her
>      books.
>   c. Jesus Christ or Reverend Moon. I'm not sure. Maybe if my "friends" hadn't
>      brainwashed me, I'd have an easier time trying to make an independent
>      decision
>   d. That question immediately sets up a hierarchy in which the role model
>      dwarfs the subordinate "I." But that's typical for a slave of the white
>      racist media like you.

Ha ha ha!!  What else but (D)?  :-)

>4. What do you hope to accomplish in life?
>   a. You mean, besides upgrade my BMW?
>   b. Find my identity by marrying a white guy.
>   c. Go to Asia as a missionary, brand myself with "Jesus loves me" tattoos
>      and baptize my pet cat. Anything to make my family embarrassed of me.
>   d. Establish an alliance with people of color. Overthrow the white 
>      establishment. After that, who knows? Maybe I'll start learning Korean.

HA HA HA!!  Are you kidding?  (D) was made for me.  Especially the last part.
:-)

>5. How do you respond if someone calls you an "Oriental"?
>   a. Hey, knock off the PC stuff. You can call me "gook."
>   b. The proper term is "Mongoloid," buster!
>   c. Oriental, Caucasian, Negro. Don't you know that God is colorblind?
>   d. Oriental's a word to describe food, much like the word "cracker."

Like a broken record.  (D).

>6. What do you think of affirmative action at Cal (UC Berkeley)?
>   a. It's unfair--I'm a disadvantaged minority. My parents had to struggle to
>      transfer all our assets from Hong Kong.
>   b. It's reverse discrimination. I shouldn't have to go to junior college
>      just to help some smelly minority get an ill-deserved chance at an
>      education.
>   c. I think God is the ultimate affirmation and I think his Word's the best
>      type of action--you heathen scum.
>   d. Well, at 35 percent, I don't think we have a right to complain.

Actually, I don't like any of the choices.  We'll go with (D).

>   If you answered "d," you lost one Hell of a lot of face. What were you
>thinking? Tests aren't meant to foster critical thinking or provoke 
>intellectual challenge. Your parents would be ashamed of you. I think maybe 
>you're a discredit to your race.

Oops...  [head bowed in disgrace]

Jim (he he he...)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american