From: elendil@mintir.new-orleans.la.us (Edward J. Branley)
Newsgroups: alt.rush-limbaugh,alt.news-media,alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Re: Clinton Screws Up! Press Reports It!
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 92 16:52:31 CDT
Organization: Minas Tirith BBS (Public Access Usenet for New Orleans)

jason@alpha.ee.ufl.edu (Jason Nadrowski) writes:

> The ridicule of Dan Quale has gone far enough!  It's gotten so bad that
> the jokes are preceived as fact.  People actually believe that Quale
> is a stupid moron.  Didn't someone call him a functioning illiterate on
> this net?  He is human.  He makes mistakes just like you and me.
>
> The ongoing jokes about Dan have become as bothersome as those jokes
> about that lady who fell and couldn't get up.
>

I can't resist this.  Ok, I'm going to do a Rush Limbaugh here.  I don't know
if this is the latest QuayleQuote file, but it's pretty extensive.  Like Rush,
I don't need to make things up.  Our Boy does well enough on his own that the
jokes *are* fact.  Ok, here goes:


Bobby Knight told me this: "There is nothing that a good defense
cannot beat a better offense."  In other words a good offense wins.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle comparing the
                   offensive capabilities of the Warsaw Pact
                   with the defensive system of NATO, 9/8/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Why wouldn't an enhanced deterrent, a more stable peace, a better
prospect to denying the ones who enter conflict in the first place
to have a reduction of offensive systems and an introduction to
defensive capability.  I believe that is the route this country
will eventually go.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the 20th
                   anniversary celebration of the moon landing, 7/20/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance
from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are
canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen.
If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Those same asteroids which promise material riches can be a threat as well.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/1/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific.  It is IN
the Pacific.  It is a part of the United States that is an island that
is right here.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, Hawaii, 4/25/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$What a waste it is to lose one's mind.  Or not to have a mind
is being very wasteful.  How true that is.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle winning friends while
                   speaking to the United Negro College Fund, 5/9/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

[ alternate quote: What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind.
                  Or not to have a mind at all.  How true that is.
  I'm not sure which one is right.. does anyone know for sure?     ]

$You all look like happy campers to me.  Happy campers you are, happy
campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you
will always be.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the American Samoans,
                   whose capital Quayle pronounces "Pogo Pogo," 4/25/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean
in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't
live in this century.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92, The New Yorker, 10/10/88, p.102)

$[The US] condones violence in El Salvador.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle reveals what people have
                   known for years. 1/31/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination
of human rights.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 2/3/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many voices
to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a
single voice.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
democracy - but that could change.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president,
and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican
                   Forum, 3/23/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$It's rural America.  It's where I came from.  We always refer to ourselves
as real America.  Rural America, real America, real, real, America.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/20/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Because. Because I say it isn't.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle explaining why questions about
                   his parent's ties to the John Birch Society aren't
                   relevant, 10/9/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Target prices?  How that works?  I know quite a bit about farm policy.
I come from Indiana, which is a farm state.  Deficiency payments -
which are the key - that is what gets money into the farmer's hands.
We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked
very closely with my senior colleague, (Indiana Sen.) Richard Lugar,
making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked to
                   define the term "target prices."
                   Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press
                   conference, after two minutes and 30 seconds.

$I'm not going to focus on what I have done in the past
what I stand for, what I articulate to the American people.
The American people will judge me on what I am saying and what I
have done in the last 12 years in the Congress.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed
without them in 'Red Storm Rising'.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/8/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$[The US is] naked, absolutely nude, to attack [by Soviets]
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/20/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Vietnam is a jungle. You had jungle warfare. Kuwait, Iraq, Saudi Arabia,
you have sand.  [There is no need to worry about a protracted war because]
from a historical basis, Middle East conflicts do not last a long time.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/2/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$The US has a vital interest in that area of the country.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle Referring to Latin America.

$Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of
the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP,
two countries. That's a statement in and of itself.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/2/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Who would have predicted... that Dubcek, who brought the tanks in in
Czechoslovakia in 1968 is now being proclaimed a hero in Czechoslovakia.
Unbelievable.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle
                   Actually, Dubcek was the leader of the Prague Spring.

$May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world.
                -- The Quayle's 1989 Christmas card.
                   [Not a beacon of literacy, though.]

$Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to
                   the collapsed section of the 880 freeway after
                   the San Francisco earthquake of 1989.
                   [this may be a joke; the source is unclear.
                      but it's still funny]

$getting [cruise missiles] more accurate so that we can have precise precision.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to his legislative
                   work dealing with cruise missiles

$[The US is] Naked, absolutely nude, to attack [by the Soviets]
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle,  8/20/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)


$I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that
have had a difficult time.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing workers at
                   an Ohio steel plant, 1988

$[I will never have] another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy,
Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle during the Bentsen debate

$Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and
I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of
situations. And I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news
conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does
that answer your question?
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, when asked what he
                   would do if he assumed the Presidency,  10/10/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I had not had that question before.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle explaining why, during the Bentson
                   debate,  he couldn't say what he would do if he suddenly
                   became president, 10/6/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Want to hear a sad story about the Dukakis campaign? The governor of
Massachusetts, he lost his top naval advisor last week. His rubber
ducky drowned in the bathtub.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle addresses the issues
                   during the 1988 campaign, 9/13/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$[It is] not a yes or no question.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle refuses to answer a question
                   of whether he's offered to take his name off of the
                   ticket, 8/19/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm
my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There's not going to be any more
handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to press reports
                   his aides having to, in effect, "pottey train" him.

$I would guess that there's adequate low-income housing in this country.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/27/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/30/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Let me just tell you how thrilling it really is, and how, what a challenge
it is, because in 1988 the question is whether we're going forward to
tomorrow or whether we're going to go past to the -- to the back!
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/17/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I am the future.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/18/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I have made good judgements in the Past.
I have made good judgements in the Future.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$The future will be better tomorrow.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I have a very strong record on the Environment in the United States Senate.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I was known as the chief grave robber of my state.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity,
family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

$We'll let the sunshine come in and shine on us, because today we're
happy and tomorrow we'll be even happier.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle to students at a high
                   school in Miami with the highest dropout rate of the
                   city, 10/26/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$We're going to have the best-educated American people in the
world.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/21/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$This election is about who's going to be the next President of the
United States!
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/2/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I do- I do- I do- I do- what any normal person would do at that age.
You call home.  You call home to mother and father and say, "I'd like
to get into the National Guard."
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/19/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I did not know in 1969 that I would be in this room today.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle justifying his decision to
                   join the National Guard, 8/17/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$       Don't forget about the importance of the family. It begins with
the family. We're not going to redefine the family. Everybody knows the
definition of the family. [Meaningful pause] A child. [Meaningful pause] A
mother. [Meaningful pause] A father. There are other arrangements of the
family, but that is a family and family values.
        I've been very blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful
family, and I am proud of my family. Anybody turns to their family. I have
a very good family. I'm very fortunate to have a very good family. I
believe very strongly in the family. It's one of the things we have in
our platform, is to talk about it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/27/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$       I suppose three important things certainly come to my mind that we
want to say thank you. The first would be our family. Your family, my
family -- which is composed of an immediate family of a wife and three
children, a larger family with grandparents and aunts and uncles. We all
have our family, whichever that may be ... The very beginnings of
civilization, the very beginnings of this country, goes back to the family.
And time and time again, I'm often reminded, especially in this
Presidential campaign, of the importance of a family, and what a family
means to this country. And so when you pay thanks I suppose the first thing
that would come to mind would be to thank the Lord for the family.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle on the upcoming Thanksgiving
                   holiday, 11/6/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$....Buzz Lukens took that fateful step...
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle confusing the sexual
                   assaulter/Congressman with Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, 7/15/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Okay, I won't open it until then
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle after having been
                   presented with an empty box that was to contain
                   a gift from a sailing team in South America.
                   He was told that the gift was not ready yet,
                   but that it would be presented to him when they
                   arrived in the United States.

$People that are really very weird can get into sensative positions
and have a tremendous impact on history.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle gives his opinion of the book
                   "Nicholas, and Alexandra," 9/28/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Every once in a while, you let a word or phrase out and you want to
catch it and bring it back. You can't do that. It's gone, gone
forever.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/4/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I'm going to be a vice president very much like George Bush was.
He proved to be a very effective vice president, perhaps the most effective
we've had in a couple of hundred years.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I would like to express my sympathy to all those impacted by this disaster.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle standing in front
                   of the collapsed section of highway caused by the
                   Loma Preta quake. (CNN)

$The loss of life will be irreplaceable.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle after the San
                   Francisco earthquake, 10/19/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I couldn't help but be impressed by the magnitude of the earthquake.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, stepping out of
                   the helicopter upon arrival at Alameda Naval Air
                   Station.


$Let me tell you something. As we were walking around in the store, Marilyn
and I were just really impressed by all the novelties and the different types
of little things that you could get for Christmas. And all the people that
would help you, they were dressed up in things that said 'I believe in Santa
Claus.' And the only thing that I could think is that I believe in
George Bush.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle at a garden center and
                   produce store in Baltimore (from the Los Angeles Times,
                   Douglas Jehl, November 6, 1988)


$It's a very valuable function and requirement that you're performing,
so have a great day and keep a stiff upper lip.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle
                   remarks to oil spill clean-up workers at Prince
                   William Sound, May, 1989

$The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him
when I arrive.

                -- Vice President Dan Quayle
                   remarks to oil spill clean-up workers at Prince
                   William Sound, May, 1989

$It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We
have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I could take this home, Marilyn. This is something teenage boys might find of
interest.
                --Vice President Dan Quayle, when purchasing a South
                  African Indian Doll that, when lifted, displays an
                  erection, 3/11/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$When you make as many speeches and you talk as much as I do and you get away
from the text, it's always a possibility to get a few words tangled here and
there
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending himself
                   (LA Herald Examiner 10/3/88)

$Public speaking is very easy.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88

$The mike works. That's very important to make sure the mike works, and
ours is working well.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle informing reporters of a
                   successful sound check before the VP debate, 10/5/88
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I happen to be a Republican president- ah, the vice president.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle (Newsweek 4/9/90)

$I'm the Vice-President. They know it, and hey know that I know it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about his political
                   enemies, 3/13/89  (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I've never professed to be anything but an average student.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle during the
                   VP debate in Omaha, Nebraska (10/88)

$Hey, Roger, does... on, on this, you know, if I'm gonna, if I, if I
decide on my gesture over there... is that all right?... You don't mind?
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle asking Roger Ailes's advice
                   on a debating gesture, 10/5/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$The other day [the President] said, I know you've had some rough times, and I
want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you,
in your maturity and sense of responsibility. (He paused, then said) Would you
like a puppy?
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle (LA Times 5/21/89)

$In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get- The Future!
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle in eastern Illinois
                  (LA Times 10/19/88)

$I've been told to keep my remarks relatively brief. I understand Quayle-hunting
season begins at noon.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle to a crowd in Eau Claire, Wisc.
                  (LA Times  10/16/88)

$The destruction, it is just very heart-rendering.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle attempting to say the
                  SF earthquake wreckage was heart-rending
                  (Newsweek 10/30/89)

$I spend a great deal of time with the President. We have a very
close, personal, loyal relationship. I'm not, as they say, a potted
plant in these meetings.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending himself
                  (Tampa Tribune-Times  1/7/90)

$Although in public I refer to him as Mr. Vice President, in private I call
him George... When I talked to him on the phone yesterday. I called him
George rather than Mr. Vice President. But, in public, it's Mr. Vice
President, because that's who he is.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle shortly after being named
                  Geo. Bush's running mate, 8/27/88
                 (reported in Esquire, 8/92, The NY Times, 8/28/88 ).

$Sam, had a great time this weekend but the golf was lousey.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle in a handwritten note
                   written to Sam Snead in the summer of 1991,
                   after they had played a round of golf.
                   (Herald-Times, Bloomington, IN, July 15, 1992)

$I'm glad you asked me that. This gives me the perfect
opportunity to talk about the problems with this Congress...
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to reporter's
                   questions about his use of Air force 2 to
                   go on golf trips at the cost of $26,000/hour

$[I support efforts] to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially
member of the House and members of the Senate.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/26/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will
never, never surrender to what is right

                -- Vice President Dan Quayle speaking to the Christian
                   Coalition about the need for abstinence to avoid AIDS,
                   11/15/91 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)


$Maybe you guys will get lucky this year and face the Orioles in the
World Series
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle encouraging the Milwaukee
                   Brewers after throwing out the opening pitch of the
                   season.  (5/3/92 Sunday Detroit News)

$Are they taking DDT?

                -- Vice President Dan Quayle asking doctors at a Manhattan
                   AIDS clinic about their treatments of choice, 4/30/92
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92, and NY Post early May 92)

$We are leaders of the world of the space program.
We have been the leaders of the world of our... of the space program
and we're not going to continue where we're going to go, not withstanding
the Soviet Union's demise and collapse - the former Soviet Union - we now
have independent republics which used to be called the Soviet Union.
Space is the next frontier to be explored. And we're going to explore.
Think of all the things we rely upon in space today: communications
from... Japan, detection of potential ballistic missile attacks. Ballistic
missiles are still here. Other nations do have ballistic missiles. How do
you think we were able to detect some of the Scud missiles and things like
that?  Space, reconnaissance, weather, communications - you name it. We
use space a lot today.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$America is great, because America is free.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they
aren't. I don't know if its the way you say it, or how you look.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I just don't believe in the basic concept that someone should make their
whole career in public service.
                -- Vice President (former senator, former congressman, etc..)
                   Dan Quayle

$If you listen to the news, read the news, you'd think we were still
in a recession. Well, we're not in a recession. We've had growth;
people need to know that. They need to be more upbeat, more positive...
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle in October 91

$Need any help?
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle in October 91 addressing
                   announced 74,000 layoffs

$The message of David Duke, is this, basically: Big government, anti-big
government, get out of my pocketbook, cut my taxes, put welfare people
back to work. That's a very popular message. The problem is the messenger.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I do have a political agenda. It's to have as few regulations as possible.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$Who's responsible for the riots? The rioters!
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle giving an intelligent, in-depth
                   analysis of the LA riots. (Herb Cane, SF Chronicle)

$It's immoral to parent irresponsibly... And it doesn't help
matters any when prime time tv, like "Murphy Brown", a character
who is supposed to represent a successful career woman of today,
mocks the importance of the father by bearing a child alone,
and calling it just another "lifestyle choice." Marriage is
probably the best anti-poverty program there is...
Even though our cultural leaders in Hollywood, network TV, the
national newspapers routinely jeer at [such values] I think most of
us in this room know that some things are good, and other things are wrong.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the
                   Commonwealth Club of San Francisco and criticizing
                   Murphy Brown's decision to NOT have an abortion
                   and to be a single (highly successful) mother, 5/19/92.
                   When told about Quayle's comments, a senior
                   Bush campaign official replied only "Oh, dear."
                   Bush's top aid said,  "The world is a lot more complex
                   than Dan would like to believe"

$I think especially in her position, a highly successful professional
woman, it would be a real exception to have an unwed child.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle to The Chron's Jerry Roberts.

$I don't watch it, but I know enough to comment on it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending his opinions about
                   the TV show "Murphy Brown" [Las Vegas RJ 21 May 92]

$The intergenerational poverty that troubles us so much today is
predominantly a poverty of values.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of
not having it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/20/92
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Murphy Brown is doing better than I am.  At least she knows she still
has a job next year.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/18/92, (reported on KRXX News)

$Speaking as a man, it's not a woman's issue.  Us men are tired
of losing our women
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about
                   breast cancer

$I want to show you an optimistic sign that things are beginning
to turn around.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle trying to convince reporters
                   that the economy was doing better because a
                   Burger King had a "now hiring" sign in the window.
                   He was campaigning for reelection in Ontario, CA,
                   1/17/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$You have a part-time job and that's better to no job at all
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle after the manager of the
                   Burger King had said that the jobs offered were part-time
                   minimum wage jobs, which didn't pay enough to live on,
                   and that "It's hard to find people who want to actually
                   show up for the job."

$Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a cure for AIDS in the marketplace
before Magic Johnson gets AIDS?
                --  Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/13/91 (CNN)

$I'm ready.
                --  Vice President Dan Quayle describing his ability
                    to take over the presidency after President Bush vomits
                    and collapses in Tokyo, 1/8/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$We're in Florida.
                --  Vice President Dan Quayle explaining why he
                    had just purchased four peaches (and no citrus
                    fruits -- for which Florida is famous) at a Publix
                    supermarket in Oakland Park, Florida. Georgia (which
                    IS famous for peaches) did not gain from the transaction,
                    however; the peaches were from Chile. (The Sunstenial)

$I hope there's some respect and dignity for things I did not do.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle defending himself against
                   allegations of involvement with Paula Parkinson,
                   8/23/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I feel that this [1981] is my first year, that next year is an
election year, that the third year is the mid point and that the
fourth year is the last chance I'll have to make a record since the
last two years, I'll be a candidate again.  Everything I do in those
last two years will be posturing for the election.  But right now I
don't have to do that.
                -- Senator Dan Quayle

$I don't have to experience tragedy to understand it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle during a photo-op
                   in LA, responding to criticisms that he didn't
                   understand what it meant to live in the "inner
                   city." (WRAL 6/23/92)

$My position is that I understand from a medical situation, immediately
after a rape is reported, that a woman normally, in fact, can go to the
hospital and have a D and C.  At that time...  that is before the forming
of a life.  That is not anything to do with abortion
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle  explaining that Dilatation
                   and Curettage, a form of abortion which occurs
                   after fertilization, is not really abortion.
                   (the Washington post, 11/03/88)

$You're a very strong woman... Though this would be a traumatic experience
that you would never forget, I think that you would be very successful in
life.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle telling an 11-year-old girl
                   why he would want her to have the baby if she were raped by
                   her father, 10/18/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Add one little bit on the end...  Think of 'potato,' how's it spelled?
You're right phonetically, but what else...?  There ya go...alright!
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a student's
                   correct spelling of the word "potatoe"  during
                   a spelling bee at an elementary school in Trenton.

$I should have caught the mistake on that spelling bee card.  But
as Mark Twain once said, "You should never trust a man who has only
one way to spell a word."
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, actually quoting from
                   President Andrew Jackson.

$I should have remembered that was Andrew Jackson who said that, since
he got his nickname "Stonewall" by vetoing bills passed by Congress.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, confusing Andrew Jackson
                   with Confederate General Thomas J. "Stonewall" Jackson,
                   who actually got his nickname at the first Battle of
                   Bull Run.

$People who Bowl Vote.
Bowlers are not the cultural elite.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle while at a Las Vegas bowling
                   alley. the Vice-President bowled 5 times, and knocked
                   down 19 pins.  (6/25/92, San Jose Mercury News)
                   The American Bowling Congress projected his score for a
                   full game to be 76.  The Detroit average for amateur
                   players is 163 (USA Today, 7/6/92)

$I will wear their scorn as a badge of honor.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing how he will
                   cope with criticism from the media elite, 6/9/92
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$It would be a serious mistake to replace a seasoned statesman with a
temperamental tycoon who has no respect for the constitution.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle giving his opinion about
                   Ross Perot's presidential campaign (June 1992)

$Dan Quayle had a trip planned to Beijing, but was worried because of
the turmoil at that end. His security adviser however informed him that
it was pretty safe for D.Q. as, "They are only harassing intellectuals."

And the President put his hand on my shoulder and said: "Dan,
I _knew_ Spiro Agnew.  He was a friend of mine.  And Dan...
You're no Spiro Agnew!"
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$This president is going to lead us out of this recovery. It will happen.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle at a campaign stop at CA State
                   University, Fresno, 1/17/92
                   (The Quayle Quarterly, Spring/Summer 1992)

$We have to do more than just elect a new president if we truly want to
change this country."
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$Absolutely. I certainly hope I am.
              - Vice President Dan Quayle on whether he is still on the
                Republican ticket. (Newsweek, August 10, 1992.)

$We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about the Mideast
                   situation, 9/22/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$For NASA, space is still a high priority.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, talking to NASA
                   employees, 9/5/90  (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$[The U.S. victory in Gulf war was] a stirring victory for the
forces of aggression.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/11/91
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I hope I never have to deal with it. But obviously I would counsel her
and talk to her and support her on whatever decision she made.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to Larry
                   King's question of how he would react if his 13-year-old
                   daughter chose to have an abortion. (CNN, July 22, 1992)
                   Marilyn Quayle later remarked that her daughter would
                   "take the child to term."

$I'm not sure I'm up for a "Murphy Brown" appearance yet. I'm not sure
that they want a guest appearance by me either... Well, I'd consider
it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle on Larry King Live.
                   He also said that he'd make a guest appearance as long
                   as his point of view wasn't censored.
                   (CNN, July 22, 1992)

$I know who they are, they know who they are, the American People know
who they are.
[Jim Lehrer: Yes, Mr. Vice President, but who are they, exactly?]
Well, they know who they are, and the American People know who they are.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle describing who he is talking
                   about when he refers to the cultural elite, 6/19/92
                   The McNeil/Lehrer Report

$We have had a number of discussions and, believe me, if I thought I was
hurting the ticket, I'd be gone.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle on Larry King Live when asked
                   if he'd offered to remove himself from the ticket,
                   (CNN, July 22, 1992)

$You smile discreetly, you look like you're enjoying yourself, like
you're ready to get down to serious business. You've got to be careful
what you say.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle,  on how to act in
                   front of the press.

$Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/18/90
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$This isn't a man who is leaving with his head between his legs
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing John Sununu's
                   resignation and apparent lack of flexibility, 12/6/92

$The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that
Dan Quayle may or may not make.
                --  Vice President Dan Quayle, in a speech to the American
                    Society of Newspaper Editors, April 1991

$Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, regarding David Duke's
                   candidacy, 10/12/90, (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$It was just a job.  It wasn't any special interest in consumer affairs.
I needed a paycheck and the Attorney General said that I would be best
to go down there, because he knew I was anti-consumer.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle and talking about his job as
                   Chief investigator, consumer protection division of the
                   Indiana Attorney General's office from 1970-1971

$Our future competitiveness demands that true environmentalists and
responsible leaders not allow the well-intentioned concerns of the
American public to be manipulated and exploited as a means to re-establish
unnecessary regulatory, economic and social controls.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I take my children hiking and fishing, walking in the woods.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle offering proof of his
                   commitment to the environment during the VP
                   debate, 10/5/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I didn't pay a lot of attention as I should have in college.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$I've heard people say that [I have a short attention span].  I don't feel
I do, because when I'm interested in something I'll stay in focus as long
as it is necessary ... If you get off on something I'm not very interested
in, it's very easy for me to block it out.  It's easy for me to block
things out.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12-JAN-92

$[The book, "The Satanic Verses"] is obviously not only offensive but,
I would think most of us would say, in bad taste.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle commenting on the book
                   which caused Salman Rushdie to be placed under a death
                   sentence.  The Vice-President had not read the book, 3/16/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$Great American sport.  Horseshoes is a very great game. I love it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/5/89
                   (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$We will move forward, we will move upward, and yes, we will move onward.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle to a group of students at
                   a Chicago school,  4/24/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

$I am now cashing in on being vice president for others.  They'll remember me.
I'll remember them.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$One thing we're able to do is raise money.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle on the Republican Party

$[I will describe] where I come from and what kind of a house I lived in
when I was a kid, how many public schools that I went to - five elementary,
two high schools - product of a public school system, two jobs in college,
went to night school, worked my way through law school.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle telling an interviewer how
                   he will use his acceptance speech at the Republican
                   Convention to reintroduce himself to the public, and
                   to provide details of his hard-working background.
                    (reported in the NY Times 8/15/92)

$   When you start talking about sleaze, I think some in the media ought to
look in the mirror. Now what's the motivation of this? I can't think of
any other motivating factor other than you want to hurt the President and
help Bill Clinton.
   There's good journalism and there's bad journalism. And I want to say
something to you good journalists. You are being overwhelmed by the bad
journalism and the bad journalists of America.
   Good journalism is taking a rumor, taking gossip and going out and
investigating it and finding out if it's true, and if there's any credibility
at all.  And when you find something like this that was investigated and
was totally false, you don't print it.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle at a news conference in
                   Huntington Beach, CA, defending George Bush against
                   charges of marital infidelity.
                   (reported in the NY Times 8/13/92)

$I was a less than serious student in college.  If I had it to do over again,
I would be far more serious.  I did play a lot of golf.  But I don't think
that's any reflection on my ability to lead this nation."
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$Looking back, I should have pursued philosophy and economics and things of
that sort in college more, but I didn't."
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$[I got into law school] through an experimental Indiana University program
intended to offer 'equal opportunity' to minorities, the economically
disadvantaged and other students of different viewpoints and backgrounds.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle

$Let us get through this week. Let us get through the debate or debates.
Let us see George Bush re-elected this November. And then we'll talk
about 1994.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked by Bernard Shaw if
                   Bush/Quayle victory in 1992 would make him the heir
                   apparent in 1996, 8/17/92, on CNN. (A NY Times article
                   started: "No Comment Yet On Strategy for '94. but will
                   it be a good year for potatoes?" It then went on to
                   speculate that Kemp, Baker, Bennett and Buchanan won't
                   be running in '94)

$Tobacco exports should be expanded aggressively because Americans
are smoking less.
                -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1990 (reported by IPS, 8/14/92)

$Republican activist Dana Reed said he was amused recently when he received
an unsolicited certificate of commendation signed by Vice President
Dan Quayle.  The honor was awarded to Reed as "a champion of the traditional
American values of family, faith, hard work and morality."  Reed quipped,
"I'm twice-divorced and "Murphy Brown" is my favorite TV show"
(reported July, 92 by the Orange County Register)

$On 10/11/88 Dan Quayle held a pumpkin next to his head.
(reported in Esquire 8/92)

$On 6/13/89, Dan Quayle posed in El Salvador holding a grenade
launcher.  Unbeknown to him, it was aimed at his elbow.
(reported in Esquire 8/92)

$During the White House Easter Egg Roll of 1991, Quayle signed autographs
using only his finger. He had prepared pre-signed cards which his aides
handed out while he made signing gestures. This allowed him
to move briskly and efficiently through the crowd, said his spokesman.

$Dan Quayle, in April 1991, was concerned that his advisors
may be getting out of touch with "Real Americans." In order
to combat this, he suggested that they read People magazine.

$On 8/13/91 lawyer Dan Quayle tells the American Bar Association
that the US has too many lawyers.  (reported in Esquire 8/92)

$


>Edward J. Branley         elendil@mintir.new-orleans.la.us<
>Seashell Software, Metairie, LA            +1-504-455-5087<
Newsgroups: alt.rush-limbaugh,alt.politics.clinton