From: garnet@borland.com (Garnet Chaney)
Subject: Re: REASON no Girls
Originator: garnet@genghis.borland.com
Organization: Borland International
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 19:39:25 GMT

In article <1992Nov7.004203.6714@muddcs.claremont.edu> ksun@jarthur.claremont.edu (Kang Sun) writes:

>I'm just curious.  How many examples do you know where people met over the
>net and decided to date in real life?  I've been on the net for over two
>years now and I know only one example.  They met on a mud I was playing on
>and dated for a brief period.

Most of the meetings I know about also happened as a result of people playing
interactive games. I've noticed, as a result of monitoring some females
involved in such, that there is something about the playing of games online
that can make otherwise "unattractive" guys seem very attractive to a lady. I
think it is because it is very easy to keep the whole person from coming
thru, and to only project what is most interesting, i.e. charm, wit, humor, 
etc. Once a lady is hooked on attraction to such things, a guy is much safer
to let his real self show through and maybe not be dumped because of what
he is really like. I've heard several women say if they had met the same
guy in a real world situation like a class, they would have easily recognized
the guy for being the smooth talking snake that he is. But because they first
got to know the guy online, and especially because it was thru a game where 
the lady thought she'd also got to learn how he relates to others as well as
her, it's very hard for them to seperate the real person that they get to 
know in real life, and leave that person when they need
to, because of all the romantic notions built up during the online dating. 

I've also encountered subtle changes in life stories, differences between
what is related on-line and what is encountered when actually meeting the
person. Once again, its much easier to be selective on what is said or how
it is presented. I have a very good memory for details, and when I meet
someone in person who I've corresponded with for a long time, I have to 
decide why the details they relate about things differ. I like to hope
that by the time I've met them in person, they are more comfortable with me,
and if what they say differs from email, it is because now they trust me
more to relate the real truth, or maybe there was just some detail somewhere
I missed, that I would have easily known if I'd only known the person in
person. But sometimes the real truth is just enough different from what
was presented in email to make the choices I've made, (I nearly proposed to 
a wonderful lady, when we first met in person, who I'd corresponded with via 
email for several months), totally invalid. In this situation, I realized 
the proposal couldn't be accepted, but I still let her know I was prepared
to propose to her but I could now see that her life was a lot deeper, and she
was more tied to her old boyfriend, than I'd been believing. Despite all that,
I still gave her a ring and earing set that I bought her, and we remain very
good friends to this day, and still correspond quite actively. 

She's a good enough friend that I'd trust her if she were to try to play
matchmaker for me. But we live so far apart, that isn't even possible for
her to "fix me up" with any "blind" dates. I've managed to strike up a 
couple of other relationships since we've been corresponding, but both have
been not worth pursueing. At least my friend is a good barometer to
confide in about them. I just need to listen to her a little sooner when 
she says get out of them...... 
 

Newsgroups: alt.personals