From: Gleeep@cup.portal.com (Dave - Silon)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: Re: Hah! (was Re: Huh?)
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 92 10:19:43 PDT
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
Distribution: world
  <64394@cup.portal.com> <52255@dime.cs.umass.edu>

In article <47562@cup.portal.com> barrett@incontinentia.com writes:
>Hey, I'm not the one with the overhanging forehead, bison breath.
 
  Then why does your hairbrush have a curved handle and what caused those
  dents in your windshield?  The sooner you overcome this denial about
  your inability to wear hats, the sooner you will be able to face your real
  problem of having no neck.  Poor Poopsie.
	
>        I bet you'd enjoy a visit from those "Customer Service" reps.
>They have been practicing new manuevers with tweezers and sharpened
>warrantee cards.
 
  Yes.  Shaving their crotches.  Maybe they'll do you next - the tweezers
  will come in handy.
 
>        At least I don't kidnap "Barbie" dolls and pose them spread-eagled
>outside of convents
 
  That's right.  Why should YOU worry about dolls when you can use small,
  nonchalant beavers, digitize them in the privacy of your own 
  leather-lined bomb cellar and make electric marimbas out of their bones?
  Some day the animal rights activists will catch you and take you before
  ChpChpChp, the Beaver God - then you will know true attonement as your
  lungs are ripped out and used as plaster in a small dam on an unknown
  stream in the Yukon.
 
>while spooning "Noodle-Roni" into the Pope's nose
 
  Poor Popesie.
 
>Get a life, you Mac weenie.
 
  There you go with your OSEnvy again.  Is that the best you can do?
  That's not very self-actualized of you...  Hasn't the therapy been
  helping?
  
  By the way, your non-disclosure article failed to mention several 
  other new Amiga additions:
   
Prefs/Maim  (also available under Prefs/Defense)
 
  Once invoked, any use of the keyboard or mouse causes whirling axe 
  blades to come out of the floppy port and lop off the user's hands.  
  The only safe way to deactivate this feature is to block the port with 
  a large household appliance.
 
[this is obviously what has happened to you - you should have taken more
 care not to run out of appliances...]
 
Prefs/Macanthropy
 
  This setting temporarily inflicts a disease which causes even the most
  powerful Amigas to assume the form of a Macintosh LC w/ 2Mb RAM, 
  12" RGB Monitor and internal 20MB HD every time Apple's stock rises 
  above $50.00/share.  It then makes loud, maniacal laughing noises and
  devours small files, smearing the header information all over it's
  chin.  In the morning, it wakes up in Computerware without any 
  dust covers.
 
Tools/Wrench
 
  A large plumber's wrench appears before you and whacks the CRT until it 
  implodes.  This "exciting finish" technique is frequently used by 
  sub-standard game developers who can't think of anything else to do when 
  their game is over.  Most commonly seen in lame software such as 
  blazemonger.
      
So...YOU get a life, nipple-ears.  Maybe someday if you're lucky, MGM will
film "Life in Cretin Gorge" and let you be the star.
 
-Gleeep
 
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