From: as010b@uhura.cc.rochester.edu (andrew david simchik)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: coming out to family??
Date: 20 Dec 92 06:46:27 GMT
Organization: University of Rochester - Rochester, New York

In <BzDwGy.3so@cscns.com> rks@cscns.com (gisle j benediktsson) writes:

>Hello... I have been reading this group for a while now and have noticed
>that there are many people discussing 'coming out' to their families. Now,
>I must somewhat admit that I am mystified. 

>I guess I really don't consider my lifestyle to be any of my family's
>business. It is not up to them to 'accept' me. They have two options in
>my own view: they can either accept it or they can fuck off. (That is 
>assuming that I have a piece of information that I may choose to share
>with them.) 

>It really bothers me that people seem to be bothered about this?Why in
>the world do we have a tendency to give these people so much power? 

>Perplexed...


>//gisle

I hardly consider a person so big-mouthed as I am a "muffin", but this is my
first significant post *here*, so here goes.

I don't consider my lifestyle to be my family's business either.  I recently
came out to them and have come to that conclusion only recently.  I'm glad I
told them, because (as someone said) I felt dishonest, but I wish I hadn't,
because they'll never truly accept it.  So since I cannot undo it (and I
think I would if I could), I have resolved instead to keep my lifestyle out
of their business...I won't discuss it more than necessary, I won't flaunt
it, and I won't bring guys home as lovers.  I don't ordinarily bring girls
home as lovers either, so that's all right.

My parents and I have different concepts of ideology and the importance
attached to it, just as we have different concepts of art and the importance
attached to it.  They cannot comprehend why I must be "out" and why I cannot
resist my "impulses"...but they are at least loving and will be there for me
even if they detest some of the choices I make.  I am grateful for that, and
would not think of telling them to fuck off as long as I have that love and
shelter, even if I must distance myself somewhat.

In summary, I think it's rarely beneficial to come out to one's parents, but
it can sometimes make you appreciate them more.

Would I do it all over again?  Maybe...probably not.  But I'm not suffering
because of it, and it's only been a matter of months...given time my family
might be as accepting as anyone.  We'll see.  But one thing I can no longer
do is dismiss my parents the way you seem to do...maybe your parents are not
as loving as mine, although for your sake I hope they are.  If there's one
good thing that has come from my coming out it is the knowledge that my
parents care more about me than I ever knew--it's hard to love someone whose
ideology and philosophy is so utterly different from your own, but they
manage it.  And I love them for it.

Drewcifer

P.S.  Now doesn't that make you want to go out and buy a Care Bear or
thirteen?  (shiver)  Sentimentality over, let's get back to business as
usual.
-- 
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** Andrew David Simchik, registered Scorpio ************* SCHNOPIA! *******
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Newsgroups: soc.bi