HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: California is NOT representative of the US as a whole
Keywords: language
From: tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
Date: Wed, 06 Jan 93 14:00:21 PST
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

tld@moon.base.bellcore.com (Terry Davidson) writes:
> 
> Small point:  82% of adult (18 years and above) `Californians' were born
>               and raised outside of California....  Check the last census...
> 
>               73% of Californian vehicle (car/motorcycle) accidents
>               were caused by people who moved to Cal. from out of state,
>               and a full 85% of *those* accidents were caused by people
>               from the tri-state area (NY,NJ,CN)  - Survey reported on KYA
>               (San Fransisco) and repeated on CBS news about 3 years ago...

As a someone who was born, raised and still lives in California, I say:

Welcome to California! Now, like, Go Home!

--                    
INTERNET:  tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!tumidity
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: julie@eddie.jpl.nasa.gov (Julie Kangas)
Subject: Re: scientist joke list
Organization: Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, CA
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 15:20:45 GMT

In article <1619@blue.cis.pitt.edu> babar+@pitt.edu (Jonggu Moon) writes:
>
>You want to know the heigh of a building you have a barometer:
>
>1: Attacht barometer to end of string long enough to reach the ground 
>   from the top of the building. Swing this pendulum.
>   Record frequency of oscilation and magnitude and weight of the barometer.

No no no.  You swing the barometer on a short string at both the
top and bottom of the building and measure g at both places.  From
the difference in g you get the height of the building.

>1.1: or you could just measure that resulting string.
>
>1) Climb up the building marking the wall in units of barometer with a 
>   marker.
>
>a: Drop barometer from top and record the time to hit the ground.
>   use 9.8 m/s/s
>
>erste: measure the lenght of the shadow in units of barometers,
>       find the angle of the shadow by moving the barometer along the 
>       ground until its top is just covered by the shadow.

Or you could measure the shadows of the building and barometer.
Knowing the height of the barometer you can get the height of the
building.
>
>I: goto the architect of the building and say I'll give you this nice
>   shiney barometer if you would tell me the height of the building.


Julie
DISCLAIMER:  All opinions here belong to my cat and no one else
From: cb@wixer.cactus.org (Cyberspace Buddha)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Need a HUGE smiley
Date: 11 Jan 93 01:13:47 GMT
Organization: Real/Time Communications

sanjiv@cse.unl.edu (Sanjiv K. Bhatia) writes:
>A friend asked me for a smiley that fills at least a screen.  

"a screen", eh?  could you be a just a little more non-specific?

>Objoke: this posting ;-)

agreed.  ;)

cb
-- 
 Cyberspace Buddha { Why are you looking for more knowledge when you  } /(o\
cb@wixer.cactus.org } do not pay attention to what you already know? {  \o)/
 Is this thing on? { Just say no to war, Bush, NSA, CIA, IRS, etc...  } fnord
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: cadesjar@lambert.uwaterloo.ca (Curtis Desjardins)
Subject: Re: Send copy of "Courses for men" list, please!
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 17:14:10 GMT

In article <2B4A2658.2A6D@deneva.sdd.trw.com> kieffer@spf.trw.com (Robert Kieffer) writes:
>Yup, I saw it go by, and didn't grab it when I had the chance.  If you  
>saved the "Courses for men" list, please email to...

Wasn't there supposed to be a "Courses for women"?? Did it ever get
posted, or was someone just blowing air? Hey, I thought "Courses for
men" was funny, too, but I wanna laugh at the women for once (not like
it's hard to do anyway  ;-)

OBHUMOUR:
"If you want to breath clean air in New York, your best bet would be
to open a window and stick your head inside."

========================= Fluffy the Wonder Bunny ============================
      The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and
              I wondered, "Where the FUCK is my ROOF ?!?"
================== cadesjardins@descartes.waterloo.edu =======================
  Hi! I am a .signature virus. Copy me into your .signature and join the fun!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Subliminal Advertising
From: tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 93 11:39:49 PST
Organization: NetLink Online Communications, San Diego CA

Have you noticed how jittery the Solitaire screen is in windows?  Well, I 
poked into the RAM designated for SVGA, and discovered that the program 
is actually giving various subliminal messages, such as:  "Bill Gates is 
God," "Buy Access," "FTC won't investigate," "Burma Shave".  The messages 
appear to be randomly loaded from somewhere in \windows\system, but it's 
encrypted somehow and I haven't figured out where.  Anyone seen any other 
messages?

--                    
INTERNET:  tumidity@netlink.cts.com (Joel Garry)
UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!tumidity
NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115
From: dag@col.hp.com (David Geiser)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Do not eat Turkey for Christmass
Date: 4 Jan 1993 18:21:50 GMT
Organization: HP Colorado Springs Division
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: hplsdor.col.hp.com

> A scientist in Australia claimes that gases people pass make a hole
> in the ozone. He therefore recommended that people do not eat turkey
> in Christmass, because it encourages passing gases, and take fruits
> and nuts instead.

He's a nut himself.  They're greenhouse gasses.
-- 
To know recursion, you must first know recursion.
--
From: nin15b63@merrimack.edu (The Wolf)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: re: how strong should a man be?
Date: 7 Jan 93 00:31:48 GMT
Organization: Merrimack College, No. Andover, MA, USA

K. Roper <ROPERK@QUCDN.QueensU.CA> writes: 
>
>  Strong enough to admit that yes, women sweat, fart and belch.

One of my roommates in college went out with this girl -- nice girl -- who
would make wild love to him all night and then, in the morning, challenge him
to a farting contest (and win).  Now, I know what you're thinking: "How can *I*
meet a woman like that?".  You just don't place a personal ad asking for a SF
who likes sincere romance and gross bodily noises.  You have to be a special
kind of lucky to attract such a prize.  Peter was.  Imagine the bliss you would
feel as your woman would roll over to you and whisper, "I want us to be engaged
... in a farting contest."

Realize that out-farting Peter is no small task.  One day, a bunch of us were
enjoying elegant chinese cuisine at a local China Chef.  Matt, who was sitting
directly across from Peter, raised his finger to draw attention to the fact he
had something to add to our dinner conversation.  As he opened his mouth to
speak, he executed a belch which would later be determined by analysts to
measure 3.7 on the Richter scale.  Apparently, Peter was already prepared to 
rebutt (sic) his point.  Before the last reverberation had even escaped Matt's
mouth, Peter countered "OH YEAH?!", and, without missing a beat, threw up his
right leg, and blasted the kind of fart that would have sent Wyle E. Coyote
back to the drawing board.  It would later be determined by analysts to be
totally disgusting.  We all completely lost it, assuming we ever had it.  My
friend, Barry, had fried rice coming out of his noses.  The dialogue had flown
so smoothly that I patiently waited to see if Matt had anything to add.  A
family of 5 got up to leave, though one of their kids walked over to ask Peter
for his autograph first.  It was a magic moment.

So, the answer to the question in the subject line is: strong enough to stand
up for his convictions; strong enough to attract the kind of woman he wants;
strong enough to bench-press at least 50 pounds -- with his penis (oops, that's
another thread on really effective pick-up lines); strong enough clear the
patrons out of a small fast-food joint.  Come to think of it, the place was
closed by the board of health shortly thereafter, so I guess you wouldn't want
to be *that* strong.
-----
 Andy Harrington                      | nin15b63@merrimack.edu
 Computer Geek                        | aharrington@ldbvax.lotus.com
 Merrimack College, North Andover, MA | I'm too sexy for this network.
From: cb599@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Michael Robbins)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Wierd Names
Date: 12 Jan 1993 01:38:56 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: hela.ins.cwru.edu


We have a Thoracic Surgeon at a local hospital, his name?
Dr. Butcher and a Dr. moriorty, should have been a proffessor.
-- 
|\   /|--\\                      Michael Robbins
|\\ //|__//                      cb599@cleveland.freenet.edu
|| V ||  \\                      fidonet 1/231/240
||   ||   \\     *******What if there were no hypothetical situations?*******
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dave@harlqn.co.uk (Dave Emmerson)
Subject: Wanted : n Reasons why xxx is better than (wo)men
Organization: Harlequin Limited, Cambridge, England
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 18:12:06 GMT

I thought I had these lists, but apparently not.
Can anyone please mail them to me (or re-post if they've not appeared
recently)
ADVthanxANCE!

OBJ :
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: 11srust@gallua.gallaudet.edu (Scott A. Rust)
Subject: Re: READ MY LIPS...(WITH a joke)
Summary: Robyn Clark, go jump in a lake..........
Reply-To: 11srust@gallua.gallaudet.edu
Organization: Gallaudet University English Dept
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 19:40:14 GMT

In article <19218@mindlink.bc.ca>, Robyn_Clark@mindlink.bc.ca (Robyn Clark) writes:
>         If there is a moderator on "rec.humor" why the fuck isn't he (she or
> it) doing his (her or it's) job by removing ALL offensive (non-humourous)
> material.
> 
>         I logon to this group for only one (count 'em, ONE (1)) reason and
> that's to read humour.  I am getting bloody sick and tired of having to wade
> through political, religious, and other misc shit.  There is a place for this
> crap and it's NOT on rec.humor so stick it where it belongs.  I can just
> imagine what would happen if I attempted to post a nice juicy adult joke to
> the religious group.
> 
>         I know I am NOT alone in this regard so my personal message to any
> existing moderator is this... do your fucking job and do it properly or find
> someone that will.
> 
>         If I sound slightly pissed off I apologize then I have not got my
> message across... I am ROYALLY pissed off!  Please forward all flames to me
> personally at:  Robyn_Clark@mindlink.bc.ca
> 
-- 

	Well, Robyn, on one hand, I can understand where you're coming from,
but on the other, you will just have to learn to lay back and enjoy what little
humor there is to be had on this network. I've been reading rec.humor for
about a year now and can tell you that, for the most part, there's nothing
funny about it.

	A moderator? Are you serious? Hey, look what's happening with
rec.humor.funny! They HAVE a moderator and it's STILL not funny! Haha! I guess
that shoves the moderator idea up the butt, huh?

	One thing I noticed about your post : IT'S NOT FUNNY EITHER! Was that
your idea of a nice juicy adult joke? Haha! I get it!  *NOT*



	Now it's time for an ObJoke:   What did Jesus say when he came out of
			                    the tomb?



				           "TAA-DAAAAAA!"

					(i know, i know...... lame, stupid,
					old, etc etc but it's the best I can do
					after a long vacation....)
_______


		Scott A. Rust | "A stupid person can do anything
	 Gallaudet University |           except think."
 11srust@gallua.gallaudet.edu |                   Bob Dobbs, Jr.

		   "Why? Why because I laugh."
                                    - Sherwood Anderson -
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: philippe@cybernet.cse.fau.edu (Philippe Benichou)
Subject: Blanc de Noir
Organization: Cybernet BBS, Boca Raton, Florida
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 23:19:53 GMT

I sorry, but "Blanc de Noir" does NOT mean "White or Black".... it 
means... "White OF/FROM Black"... it doesn't make sense?!?

                                        The Confused!?!

                                                Phil
From: ctp1575@tamsun.tamu.edu (Christoph Purifoy)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: wedding songs (Fu_king Jerk)
Date: 12 Jan 1993 17:57:54 -0600
Organization: Texas A&M University, College Station, TX
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: tamsun.tamu.edu

Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Wedding songs (Piss Me Off)
Followup-To: wedding songs
Distribution: world
Organization: Texas A&M University, College Station, TX
Keywords: 


Both "Rodeo Song" and "You Were Born An Asshole" are David Allen Coe 
songs.  The whole tape is pretty funny if you ever get your hands
on it.  I got a version somehow, but I dont know anywhere you 
can find originals of such tapes.
-- 
Todd Purifoy                                AGRICULTURE:  Never before
ctp1575@tamsun.tamu.edu                     have so few, fed so many, 
purifoy@ageco.tamu.edu                      for so little.

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mkaverha@cs.ruu.nl (Micha Verhagen)
Subject: Re: Left vs Right 
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 08:47:47 GMT
Organization: Utrecht University, Dept. of Computer Science

In <1993Jan5.230157.3691@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au> s9000289@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au (Cameron Hooper) writes:

>Here is proof that it is natural to drive on the left hand side of the
>road.
>
>In olden times, when roads were first beginning to emerge, the sword
>was the prefered weapon.  As most people are right handed the sword
>was worn on the left side of the body.  Now when our sword wielding
>traveller wished to mount his horse, he would have to do so from the
>animal's left hand side.  Otherwise, his sword would interfere with
>his mounting action.  If his horse was on the left hand side of the
>road, the armed tourist could mount from the safety of the edge of 
>the road.  However, if his horse was on the right hand side of the
>road he would have to approach it from the centre of the road, thus
>exposing himself to the danger of being trampled by some other
>traveller.  Natural selection would quickly weed out the right hand
>riders, leaving the left hand riders with greater opportunity to
>breed.
>
>When that just about proves t is guess.


We drive on the right side of the road, so you must be driving
on the wrong side.
					Micha Verhagen
From: phudl@csv.warwick.ac.uk (Mr S J Liddicott)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Credit Validation
Date: 9 Jan 1993 18:10:05 -0000
Organization: Computing Services, University of Warwick, UK
NNTP-Posting-Host: clover.csv.warwick.ac.uk

In article <25628.1065.uupcb@satalink.com> vince.maiocco@satalink.com (Vince Maiocco) writes:
{
{
There!

Also I have to share with you all a joke and a revelation that came to me
while reading the awful conversation on this thread:

JOKE:  D*mn, all my jokes are *from* this place

REVELATION: Most people in the world don't read this group so we can talk
about what we like!  It's one of the most secret places in the world!
We could plot to rule the world, and if anyone grassed people would say
	"and where'd you here that?"
	"a humorous conversation group"
	"get lost"

heh heh
-- 
*----------*-------------------------------------------------------------*
| Sam   Jam|"Never underestimate the importance of a cheap laugh"-       |
| Liddicott| phudl@csv.warwick.ac.uk  | I WAS IN IDAHO | Plucky Duck TTA |
*--------------IF NOT 1 AND NOT 2 AND NOT 3 THEN 4-----------------------*
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.religion.quaker,soc.culture.celtic,soc.culture.jewish
From: dave@harlqn.co.uk (Dave Emmerson)
Subject: Re: Seriously, a joke.
Organization: Harlequin Limited, Cambridge, England
	<C09vKL.Dy6@agora.rain.com> <1993Jan3.203648.11085@philmtl.philips.ca>
	<C0Do2p.MHC@dcs.ed.ac.uk>
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 16:21:52 GMT

In article <C0Do2p.MHC@dcs.ed.ac.uk> morna@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Morna J Findlay) writes:

   Xref: harlqn rec.humor:18748 soc.culture.celtic:5777 soc.culture.jewish:15000
From: TUK067@maccvm.corp.mot.com (David Wheeler)
Subject: So this guy goes to the doctor and...
Organization: Motorola
Date: 8 Jan 1993 09:25:32 CST

This guy goes to see his doctor and says, "Doctor, I've been feeling
pretty bad just lately.  It all seemed to start when I got back from
Thailand a few weeks ago; now I feel listless all the time and I have
sores breaking out around my private parts."

"Hmmm," says the doctor, "Thailand, eh...?  Bangkok, by any chance?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact."

"Hmmm... and did you avail yourself of the favours of any ladies of the
night while you were there?"

"Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I did."

"Thought so... OK, we'd better give you the full checkup.  Undress and
up on the couch, please..."

So the doctor gives him the works, peering into eyes and ears, testing
reflexes, taking blood etc.  For good measure, he also submits him to a
Rorschach test, then sends him home with an admonition to return in two
days time when the full test results will be ready.

Two days later, they are sitting in the doctor's office again.  "Well,"
says the doctor, "I'm afraid that the news isn't good.  You have herpes,
syphilis, gonorrhoea and AIDS..."

"My God, that's terrible!" expostulates the patient.

"I haven't finished yet," the doctor reproves him.  "On top of all that,
your psychological profile indicates that you have homicidal tendencies!
You're a menace to public health and safety!  I'm going to commit you to
a mental institution where you will be locked in a padded cell and fed a
diet of kippers and pizza."

"Kippers and pizza?  That's a strange diet, doctor; will it help to cure
me?"

"No, it's just that those are the only things that can be slid under the
cell door..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
David A. Wheeler, Motorola Ltd., Camberley, Surrey, England
TUK067@maccvm.corp.mot.com
From: mckeonj@ul.ie
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Knackers
Date: 9 Jan 93 09:55:14 GMT
Organization: University of Limerick, Ireland

Two pavies died and went to heaven in their blue Hi-Ace van.
They knocked on the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter came.
He said, "Be off with you, we don't want your sort here.
This is a respectable neighbourhood."
The first pavie said, "Look here, Boss, we're not just any
old knackers, we're Limerick Pavies. You go and tell the Man
inside thst we're here, and see what he says."
So St. Peter went inside to consult the Man.
When he returned, the Gates were gone.
-- 
"Ich am of Irlonde" (medieval fragment used by Yeats)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
John McKeon, Material Science Dept. University of Limerick, Ireland
From: jesse@sgi.com (Jesse Rendleman)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Strange names
Date: 7 Jan 93 19:58:32 GMT
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.

Back when I worked on the hotline here, I ran into some unusual names.
The one that sticks in my mind the most is a professor at a large mid-
western university, "Dr. Deth".  Nah.. wouldn't make ME nervous..

--
Jesse Rendleman (jesse@sgi.com)
Software Engineer, Silicon Graphics Inc.   <<< Don't touch my monkey! >>>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: tjr0868@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Subject: Re: New Shit happens (i think)
Reply-To: tjr0868@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Organization: Rochester Institute of Technology
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 18:25:55 GMT

don't you think that should be:

If shit happens and no one is there, does it have a smell?

                                                        ->Spice
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: request for engineer jokes
From: grayid@elec.canterbury.ac.nz (I. D. Gray)
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 00:37:02 GMT
Organization: Electrical Engineering, University of Canterbury, New Zealand
Keywords: engineer jokes

In article <1993Jan9.085955.13844@en.ecn.purdue.edu>, ghg@en.ecn.purdue.edu (George Goble) writes:
> Haven't seen any for awhile.  Would somebody mind posting a complete
> list?
Here one that my medical student cousin told me on christmas day.





What is the most widely used form of contriception (sp?) among engineers???



























There Personalities (sp?) !!!!!!!!!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: johnson@sleipnir.pb.wes.mot.com (Mark Johnson)
Subject: Re: California is NOT representative of the US as a whole
Reply-To: johnson@sleipnir.mnesouth.corp.mot.com
Organization: Motorola Wireless Enterprises, Schaumburg, IL
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 17:59:54 GMT
Keywords: language

In article <1993Jan5.211351.21070@walter.bellcore.com>, tld@moon.base.bellcore.com (Terry Davidson) writes:
=)Small point:  82% of adult (18 years and above) `Californians' were born
=)              and raised outside of California....  Check the last census...
=)
=)              73% of Californian vehicle (car/motorcycle) accidents
=)              were caused by people who moved to Cal. from out of state,
=)              and a full 85% of *those* accidents were caused by people
=)              from the tri-state area (NY,NJ,CN)  - Survey reported on KYA
=)              (San Fransisco) and repeated on CBS news about 3 years ago...

Okay--your point here, then, is that the 18% of California residents who
are native Californians have caused a disproportionate 27% of the vehicle
accidents there?
-- 
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| "Johnson"                              |Just because you're paranoid doesn't|
| johnson@sleipnir.mnesouth.corp.mot.com |   mean they're not out to get you. |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Let's face it; if our lawyers knew what went on here, they'd shut us down.  |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
From: kaufman@gmuvax2.gmu.edu (Ken Kaufman)
Subject: Multiple choice
Organization: George Mason University, Fairfax, Va.
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 18:08:21 GMT

What's the difference between a lawyer and a sperm?


a) A sperm has a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

b) Atlanta would never dream of having a giant blue lawyer as its
   olympic mascot.