From: robd@cray.com (Robert Derrick)
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Distribution: world,soc
Date: 8 Apr 92 11:17:00 CDT

Jeff Wilson ask:

: The question is this.

Well, by now we know the question.  But there doesn"t seem to
be one answer.  How about that.

My solution:  if you feel it is right and correct, and you are
	willing to accept all of the consequences, then do it.
	this is called following your original nature.  can you
	accept the hurt your actions may cause someone (the 
	other person, your object of love, sometimes children)?
	if you feel it is right, then correct action must follow.
	remember, you can lie to me, to her, to him, to everyone,
	but you can"t lie to yourself.  what you do now will be
	part of your burden for the rest of your life.

	      if you feel it is wrong, as your post clearly 
	indicates, then to follow through will also be wrong for
	you.  you will not ever be a better person for it.

but,
	      if you are not sure, the most likely scenerio, then
	make a decision and stick by it, and accept it and be
	proud of it.  if not the result, then at least the fact that
	you made a decision.  there are so many people who will
	spend their lives alone for want of a decision to try.

and so, two short stories:

	  this is the story of king arthur, guinivere and lancelot.
	i was arthur, my wife, guin, and my best friend lance.  you
	probably know most of the rest of the story.  i lost my
	two best friends, because he decided to do what you 
	contemplate doing.  so you might suppose that i would be
	totally against you.  i'm not.  surprisingly enough, they
	make a pretty good couple.  they are married, and i hope,
	happily struggling thru life (i know they are struggling,
	but without struggle, you are already dead).  i am better
	than i have ever been in my life (even tho' i have to 
	write a check to the IRS for almost 3 grand next week ;^} ).
        my daughter is ok.  i hit the bottom, but came back up,
	with the realization that all roads lead to where we stand.
	i think he is the one with the most tsuris (troubled heart)
	and until recently, was unable to face me at all.  each
	heart must carry its own burden.  mine is light because i
	choose to carry what is essential only, which is no burden
	at all.
	altho' the 'best' status may be gone, i still count them both
	as my friends.  how could it be any other way?

...

	  at christmas, my daughter and i decorated our porch with
	lights.  we came home one day to find half-a-dozen of the
	bulbs removed and smashed on the sidewalk.  she, 6 yrs old,
	was brokenhearted, but i said we could replace the lights.
	some things are so simple.  the next day, a dozen of the
	lights were smashed, and she was devastated.  it was the
	first time in her life that she had experienced such wanton
	violent disregard for her feelings.  "how", she asked, 
	"could any person do such a thing?"  the long and short
	of it was that we found out it was the neighbor"s boy,
	also 6.  and he was then required to apologize directly
	to my daughter, and he proceeded to do so in the fashion of
	all children who don"t want to apologize.  he stared at 
	the floor, and said "i'm sorry.".  and my daughter looked
	him straight in the eye and said, "sometimes sorry's not
	enough", and she turned and left.
	once you decide to break something, be sure you will be 
	prepared to forego forgiveness.


rob derrick
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,soc.couples