From: df@sdf.lonestar.org (daniel finster)
Subject: sdf.lonestar.org:/u/df/suicide_quux
Organization: Best lil' ol' Pubnix in Texas
Distribution: global
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 09:07:31 GMT

  Why do people assume that there is some sort of majesty to ones life besides
the individuals OWN will to live?  why do people have to respond to suicide as
if it is some sort of heinous act?  there is nothing wrong with death; thereis
nothing wrong with WANTING to die.  I no longer wish to live--my will to  keep
on as i have is now gone.  Suicide is a reasonable prospect when you are no 
longer willing to work on being happy.  I exist for my own happiness; if i 
continue existing after i no longer care about making myself happy, that means
that i am living my life for other peoples benifit, which is refuse to do.  I
love my life for my own benefit, and if i stop seeing a benefit in living, then
there is no point in continuing to exist.  I refuse to give my life to ANYONE
else: not jesus, not corey, not ted, and most certainly not to the random
masses that grope and clutch all around me.  it almost seems like people are
programmed to think that there is something instrinsically bad with wanting 
to die or something.  I see it as a perfectly acceptable choice for myself.

  We are conditioned t othink that all life is intrinsically precious and 
special, and it ISN'T.  Why would you consider my life special if i no
longer wish to live?  it may be special to YOU, because you like me or 
something, but why do you have to foist that on me?  my life has ceased to
be of any importance to me; I refuse to live my life just because it is 
important t osomeone else.  

  I used to care about the world.  I used to want to make the world a better
place for me to live in, and didn't mind dragging the rest of humanity up
with me.. we would all share in a better world--but i did it primarily for
MYSELF; because i do not wish to live in a world that is in the state the
world is in today without doing something to correct it.  I no longer care
about constantly smashing myself up against the infinite wall of stupidity,
and i'm not going to be happy anymore.  

  Some people talk about being "too young to die".  Sure, i'm only 18, but
i have decided that it is time for me to die.  Every man has his final
resting place, and there is nothing good or bad about dying at a premeditated
time.  it's like washing your car at a premeditated time.. it is of no great
import.  my life is only important as long as i see value in it, which i no
longer do; yet people STILL say there is something wrong with me, or i'm
metally sick or seomthing, jsut because i no longer have the will to keep
going on like this.  i'm saying this is the best reason to kill myself--they
are saying that i should try and go on living anyway even if i no longer
valuie anything, and that there is something mentally perverted about wanting
to solve it the way i am.  There is such a thing as being too young to die, but it has nothing to do
wit hchronological age.  if you die against your will, and you feel that you
still have things important to you in life, then you are "too young to die"
whether you are 18, 81, or 1800 years old.  it is something local to you, that
noone else has any involvement in.  And when you stop having important things
to you in your life, then you are ready for death, no matter what your age.

  I used to want to live for a few thousand years at least.  I used to believe
that it would take me that long to get tired of life.  Well, now i'm tired of life at 18, and it is no more wrong
to kill myself now, then it would be to kill myself after 2000 years and i felt
this way then.

  Goodbye sdf, it has been fun, and i hope that it'll continue to be fun
after this.  I hope some of you find it in you to live your lives better after
i'm not here.  For those that know me, and like me: this essay has been to
you all; to understand my motivations and to understand that i refuse to live
under any other circumstances than for my own benefit.  I don't want to hurt
you guys, and i hope you wil lread this essay and it'll help to heal your 
wounds.

P.S. will whoever stole reverend Magoun's pornography please return it?
Xref: sparky alt.suicide.holiday:2309 alt.finals.suicide:10