From: dks@sr.com (Dave K. Sprow)
Subject: Re: Does Anyone Get over Being Lonely
Reply-To: dks@srhqla.UUCP (Dave K. Sprow)
Organization: Silent Radio, Los Angeles
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 19:08:03 GMT

In article <10NOV199200302662@stars.gsfc.nasa.gov> casey@stars.gsfc.nasa.gov (Sean Casey GSFC (301)286-4558) writes:
>In article <1992Nov10.043557.8829@eff.org>, fsquared@eff.org (Fawn Fitter) writes...
>>aa762@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Babinsky) writes:
>> 
>> 
>>>It has been 2 months and 10 days since my girlfriend of 3 and a
>>>half years has broken up with me.  After begging and pleading and
>>>even calling her about 4 weeks ago (like a dummy), I was wondering
>>>if you ever get over feeling lonely or missing that special 
>>>someone to share life with?
>> 
>>Unfortunately.....the answer is no.  
>Yes, a most definite no.
>
>SC

Wrong, see my recent post on this.  But I wanted to add that after you
"heal", you can still hold that person in your heart on a very special
way.  You don't have to "forget" them.  In a sense, that person will
alwasy be a part of you because of the closeness you shared. That
can be cherished.  As to your specific quetions.  Yes, if you choose,
you will get over being lonely. And yes you will get over missing
that person to share your life with.

OK, I'll give you a personal example to hopefully show that I know what
I'm talking about it and not just spouting theory.

I was in a wonderful relationship with a woman about 18 years ago (yes,
I', *that* old :-).  Without the details, we were really in love and
lived together for oh about 3 1/2 years.  Now, I went through tremendous
pain in the breakup and yes, I eventually got over it. I've been in a
number of other relationships since; beautiful experiences.  I tend
to share myself very intimately when I choose to and thus the quality
of my realtionships has generally been very good, IMO.  I have lots
of wonderful memories that I enjoy from time to time. Old love letters,
pcitures, a song that one woman wrote and recorded for me, stuff like
that. Anyway, back to the point. After I got over the pain of the
breakup with Kathleen (and I'd guess that took the better part of a year),
we remained very close.  we were friends, but it was more than that.
There was some kind of *very* special love/bond between us that I tend
to think of as kind of "spiritual" because I don't really have any other
parameters to describe it.  

The reason I mentioned the number of of other realtionships I've been in
and relished is that Kathleen still has a very special place in my heart.
It doesn't matter who I'm with or who's she's with or any outer
circumstances.  We still keep in touch although it often goes for
extended periods of time between communications.

For example, until about 6 months ago it had been about 3 years since
our last communication (much longer than usual). I had taken a bew job,
was very involved with it, and was developing freelance photographer
and professional video work.  Then I changed jobs and moved.  It was
just a busy time.  

So one day I called her (realizing she wouldn't have my current address
or phone number).  Virtually the moment she heard my voice (without
saying my name), she started crying and said "Oh, Davey (she's the *only*
person that *ever* got away with calling me *Davey*!!), I thought I
lost you for good this time."  And the love that was present between us
was palpable over the phone and it seemed like we had just talked
just a few minutes ago.  Some kind of time warp occurs when this
happens between us, like nothing else we've been doing for the
last three years is almost not real somehow and not particularly
important.  like nothing elses exists in that moment.  And I know that
she and I will *always* have that.  Other relationships have broken up
where I haven't kept contact, and in those cases, I *don't* miss those
people any more.  I *think* I've learned that there's no lack of
loving in this world... I mean we all basically want the same stuff:
to love and be loved.  We just never were taught very good relationship
skills in most cases and bungle things up a lot :-)

So, there's lots of wonderful people out there that can make wonderful
partners.  We just have to weed them out from the also lots of people
that make not so wonderful partners.  *That* can be a little tricky
sometime which why I subcribe to the theory of taking a good, long
time up front getting to know someone *well* (for me, it's a year),
before I decide to commit to the relationship.  I need to do this for
me 'cause it's real easy for me to "jump" into a relationship.  Lots
of fun, but not always a good idea in the long run.

David