From: meachen@med.wcc.govt.nz
Newsgroups: alt.evil
Subject: Re: IAMEVIL(..you seemed to be tasked by minor deity...)
Date: 1 Oct 1992 21:55:51 GMT
Organization: Wellington City Council, Wgtn, NZ
Reply-To: meachen@med.wcc.govt.nz
NNTP-Posting-Host: blade.wcc.govt.nz

In article <1992Sep30.214254.7159@wixer.cactus.org>, cb@wixer.cactus.org (Cyberspace Buddha) writes:
>In article <> scheider@oswego.Oswego.EDU (cat) writes:
>>Now I am 
>>impressed...this group must have switched management.
>
>Management?  what?  where?
>
>Managers are Evil.   ohwait.  I guess that makes them necessary.
>
>cb
>
>-- 
>Cyberspace Buddha  | Why are you looking for
>cb@wixer.cactus.org| more knowledge when you 
>-------------------| do not pay attention to 
> Is this thing on? | what you already know?

this is a repost but I could'nt resist.

									
	THE WAY IT IS
									
									
	 WARNER/DAVIS

Recently someone called me from one of the "Out on the Floor Offices",an
ethereal place rumoured to exist only in hyperspace, populated by mysterious
being called Users.

She was quite frantic.She was having trouble running a program through
the computer, and her message was clear enough, although rather ill-
conceived:"MY FILES ARE FULL!"

I furrowed my brow, lit a smoke, and explained to her, "Really now, Miss
Butterman, I don't have time for this." I slowly exhaled the menthol vapours
as I stopped her process, crushing any hope she may have had of ever again
seeing that document she had spent three hours slaving over.

	"I was a typing this REALLY important letter, and it HAS to be ready
	in an hour...there's all this stuff on my screen that I didn't type
	...it says something about an error, should I read it to you?"	

	"No point. Just press return."

	"oh my,it wants my username. Can I restart that where I left off?"

	"Not a chance." I drew another puff and tossed the phone aside. It
	occurred to me that if I had to hear one more of those whining com-
	plaint sessions, heads were gonna roll. Where do you people GET
	this stuff? I'm going to tell you what's really going on here. Now
	LISTEN UP. I'm not going over it a second time:

Computer
	The black box that does your work for you. That's all you need to
	know.

Response Time
	Usually measured in nanoseconds; sometimes measured in calendar
	months. The general rule is: Shut up your complaining about response
	time.

Hardware
	See "Computer." Again,not your concern.

Software
	If we want you to know we'll tell you about it, otherwise, leave us
	alone


Network
	Don't worry about it, we'll take care of it. Use it to send mail
	among your half-wit selves, and don't think we won't read it all.
	What do you think we do all day? By the way, Butterman... shame
	about your mother's pancreas.

Data
	The General rule is: Don't use any data files and if you find any,
	delete them before before I find out about them. In fact,just stay
	off the computer (see "Response Time")

System Crash
	Don't ever call the system manager to tell him you think the compu-
	ter is down. Don't call him to ask him when it will be up again. The
	more you bother him, the longer it takes.

Downtime
	like I said, don't ask.

Uptime
	Don't be ridiculous

Vacation
	A time during which I don't have to put up with your
	sniveling.Don't try calling. There's no point.


Computer Room
	Keep out, you're not invited. Don't knock on the door- don't even
	think about it. I broke the phone last time one of you jerks called
	me,and I'm not about to replace it. And keep your greasy fingers off
	the windows.

My Office
	The name says it all...it's mine;stay out.

Your Problems
	not my concern.

Deadlines
	The general rule is: Deadlines are not acknowledged by me; they're
	not my responsibility. Go tell somebody who cares.


Maintenance
	a) A Valid reason for shutting down the system at any time
	b) Much more important than anything any of you bozos do.
	c) Anything I choose to call maintenance.

Software Upgrades
	Far too complex for you to comprehend. If I tell you I'm upgrading
	the system, just be quietly thankful. It's for your own good,even if
	it does mean extensive downtime during peak hours.

Electronic Mail
	I delete it before reading it, so don't bother sending any to me.

Defaults
	We like them just like they are;we chose them for a reason. Don't
	mess with them; consider them mandatory.

Error Messages
	I'm not interested. I'm going to kill your process anyway, so keep
	them to yourself.

Killing your Process
	a)Don't ever ask why
	b)Beyond your control
	c)No warnings given
	d)The highlight of my day
	e)If you call,it's going to happen. No exceptions.

Password
	I reserve the right to change them without notice at any time.I
	choose them, and the more you bother me, the more degrading yours
	will be.(Example:BUTTERMAN:SNOTFACE)

Users
	a)They slow down the computer
	b)They waste my time
	c)A general nuisance
	d)Worse than that, actually

Software Modification
	You don't know what you want - we'll tell you what you want. It
	stays like it is. Period.

Privileges
	I've got them, you don't need them. Enough said.


Priority
	Mine is higher than yours, accept it. That's the reason my games
	run faster than your lousy accounting package.

Terminals
	Before calling me with your terminal problems, consider this:
	a)Are you prepared to do without one for weeks?
	b)Do you REALLY want your process killed?
	c)Did you just trip over the cord again?
	d)Of course you did

Disk Space
	I set the quotas, you live with them. If you need more space, check
	"Data Files".

Operator
	I hired him and I trained him. He does what I tell him to. Usually
	armed;always dangerous.

Backups
	a)A good idea
	b)If I gave a sh*t
	c)Which of course I don't

Lunch
	The only time calling my office won't result in the killing of your
	process.

Data Security
	That's your problem. I'm certainly not going to lose any sleep over
	it. My files are locked up tight. I feel secure.

Jiffy
	Length of time it takes me to resolve your problem by killing your
	process.

Eternity
	Length of time it takes me to give a sh*t about any problems that
	can't be resolved by killing your process.

Impossible
	a)It can't be done (as far as you know)
	b)I can't be bothered
	c)You're starting to annoy me

Inevitable
	a)Couldn't have been avoided
	b)Not my fault (as far as you know)
	c)The result of annoying me

Menus
	If it's not on the menu, don't ask for it. It's not available. If
	it is on the menu, it's probably of no use or it doesn't work.
	We're working on it (See "eternity")

Utilities
	I find them quite useful, you'll find them quite inaccessible.
	Besides, they're not on the menu,are they. What did I tell you about
	that?

Nuisance
	You

Of course, I reserve the right to add, change, or remove anything from the
above list. I'm not asking you to accept these matters without question,I'm
telling you.


Now that we all know where we stand, I'm sure there'll be no future
problems. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to keep
them to yourself. If you feel the need for more information, I highly
recommend that you ask someone else.

                                        Sincerely


	                                System Manager


P.S.The new disk quota of 30 blocks per user became effective yesterday.
    Anyone caught exceeding the quota will lose their accounts (this means
    you,Butterman!)



	------------------------------------------------------

Appologies to those who have already seen it.


Red
Newsgroups: alt.evil