From: mob@apollo.HP.COM (Mary B.))
Subject: Re: Concept of God and Losing my Ground
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 20:50:21 GMT
Organization: Planet Earth

In article <56829@olivea.atc.olivetti.com>, stellaa@flash.ATC.Olivetti.Com (Stella Adams) writes:
|> 
	... A bunch of stuff about people losing themselves in the program
	and inconsistencies in the literature, have been deleted for brevity's
	sake ... 
|> 
|> Is there anybody else out there that feels the same way I do?
|> 

	Hi Stella - I feel the way you do.  I'll be 4 years sober on the
	19th of this month.  I've done all of my recovering in the same
	area, so I've had ample opportunity to get to "know" the folks
	around here.  They come in roughly two packages - the hardliner
	or the liberal.  For me, the hardliner is the one who quotes from
	the book for every opinion or comment they make.  They also say
	things like - "If you drank every day, then you should go to a
	meeting every day." (This is my current pet peeve - if I drank
	every day it was because I was totally out of balance and insane
	to boot.  This is hardly behavior that I want to continue promoting
	in my daily life.)  These are the folks that will also talk about
	going to multiple meetings every day of the year.  For me, AA's of 
	this variety are those who I choose not to associate with except in 
	the general arena of meetings.  I do not spend time outside of the
	meetings with these folks, although I do learn from them if I am in
	a space at a meeting where I concentrate on identifying with the
	other folks instead of comparing.  These aren't the winners, and I've 
	always been told to "stick with the winners".  Now, the liberal 
	AA-er comes in lots of different shapes and sizes.  They have alot 
	of individual qualities and ways of practicing the principals of the 
	program.  This is the half that I choose to associate myself with.  
	For me, these are the winners.  When I see what they have (generally
	things like serenity, balance, etc.), I know that's what I want, too.  
	This is why I don't drink anymore, to be able to live my life fully
	and to improve it's quality.  

|> Why do I have to pray?  Maybe I don't want to.  Isn't it possible that
|> the people of AA have enough willpower and godliness inside them to belive
|> in themselves and be able to stay sober.  I cannot honestly tell you that I
|> have a god of my understanding, and I can't actually say that I belive what
|> the bigbook and 12 x 12 says is gold.
|> 
	I don't believe that you have to pray.  I have days when I do and
	days when I don't.  It usually doesn't affect the type of day I'm
	having.  On the other hand, if I'm having one of those "I knew I
	never should have gotten out of bed today" kind of days, I find
	that for me prayer works to bring me back into balance.  I believe
	that the tiny voice I hear inside of my heart when I allow myself
	to be still enough (physically, mentally and emotionally still) is
	my higher power talking to me.  As far as the big book and the 12&12,
	I don't think they're gold either.  I do think that they describe a
	method that was used by the authors to stay sober.  It worked for
	them.  The thing that I learned early on in the program is that it's
	okay for me to not analyze everything that is presented to me.  I'm
	learning to say "What if..." about certain things.  In the same way
	that I don't know for sure that I cannot take a drink in safety, I
	also don't know for sure that there is a Higher Power.  For me, this
	is what faith is - the ability to suspend disbelief.  To ask what if
	instead of responding NO WAY.   That's it, not anything mystical or
	deep.

	I don't take alot of things in the program literally.  In my own
	humble experience, people are different.  The basic principals may
	be the same, but everyone puts their own spin on them so that they
	are meaningful to them.  At least I do.  And what I have works for
	me and it may not work for anyone else.  But, this is fine with me.

	Peace to All,

	Mary B.