From: Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu (Albert Lunde)
Subject: Re: kudos
Followup-To: soc.bi
Originator: lunde@casbah.acns.nwu.edu
Reply-To: Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu (Albert Lunde)
Organization: Ministry of Silly Walks
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 05:26:22 GMT

In article <Bxw1F2.J0L@news.udel.edu> eowyn@brahms.udel.edu (Zoe Antonia Velonis) writes:
>First of all, thanks to everyone who pounced on me...both on net (I
>finally got to the end of those 400 odd articles that had stacked up) 
>and off net.  You know who you are!  
>Although they made me feel nice and warm and fuzzy, and squeezed and
>loved, etc. (& I'm not belittling this!), I've got some problems I'm 
>hoping you can help me with---hell, even typing it all down in verbal 
>format will help.
>If you've read Jim (seamus)'s posts, you know that on UD we have the
>LGBSU (less politically active) and Queer Campus (politically radical).
>I finally admitted being bi to myself and a friend up in NYC over e-mail about 
>a month and a half ago, and three days later, proceeded to join QC to make 
>some sense out of things.  It seemed to me like they were the only people
>on campus doing a damn thing about homophobia, and I wanted to do something,
>too.  So far so good.
>But, with typical alacrity and zeal, I jumped in both feet first.  I'm now
>the rep between QC , the LGBSU and our student govt., unofficial secretary
>for the group, and (without boring you with all the politics that have 
>been shuffling back and forth for the past month or so), have volunteered
>myself to the extent that I feel like I am a political animal.  nothing
>else. [...]    But I feel like I haven't resolved my bisexuality 
>within my own personality, that I've been hiding behind politics and 
>creating this demarcation line within my life:  Before Queer and After
>Queer. [...] How have you all
>integrated the non-queer parts of yourself with the queer parts of you?  
>It's proving to be a mammoth task that I am not really sure how to deal
>with.
>I can be Queer.  I have no problem with that identity.  It's being Queer+
>Zoe, that's what I can't understand how to do.
>Any suggestions? [...]

When I came out as "gay/bisexual" a dozen or so years back, I'd been in
touch with lesbian-feminism for a while and was concerned about not
wanting my bisexuality to be seen as a political "cop-out", and also
concerned about not wanting to be seen as a predatory straight man,
so I was cautious about proclaiming my bisexuality loudly and I tended
to identify my politics with gay-liberation (today read this as "queer")
and lesbian-feminism. While I was saying that I didn't see a distinct
bisexual politics, I was sort of under the surface accumulating data
about what made the bisexual experience distinctive, so that more
recently, I've become less shy about advertising either my sexuality
or my bi politics (I may have gone too far in another direction, but that's
another topic.)

Now this may or may not be whats on your mind -- different readings of
"Queer" are more and less explictly bi-inclusive.  You also talk
about integrating the other activities of your life with this identity.

I've got less definite things to say, but here are some thoughts:

- Don't accept artifical divisions between different parts of your
life. Try to bring in your other interests into the Queer world
and vis-versa; even at the risk of not quite fitting the image of
a particular group. Try to reduce the gap between your "inside"
and "outside" personas.

- Look for groups of people supportive of unconventional behavior
and spanning a range of sexual orientation, (in addition to mainly
gay/lesbian or mainly bi groups). 

I've gotten a lot of support out of my (unusual) church which is 
lesbigay supportive. And I'm impressed with the cumulative effect
of hanging out with a group of people that combines singles, couples,
adults, children, het, homo and bi all in a social fabric.
(What is sometimes remarkable is the ordinary everyday quality of
it.)

I get different things -- equally valuable -- from being with
groups of all bisexuals or assorted queers.

- Beware of the risks of becoming a "Professional Queer"/Super Activist. 
These include:
  - Not giving your self time to have a personal life
  - Supressing parts of oneself for ideological reasons
  - Trying to look perfect so as to support one's political image
  - Spending more time on a political persona than on sorting
    out your own emotional/sexual dynamics

- Try to have a sense of yourself. Trust your knowledge of yourself
over the opinion of outside "experts" or even over the opinion
of a particular "peer group".

- Be patient; lasting changes take time. Self-integration is more like
a spiral than a straight line.

-- 
 Albert Lunde         | Interfaith  |     *Y*Y*      "A branch on the
 Albert-Lunde@nwu.edu |  Bisexual   |      *Y*        tree of life"
 alunde@nuacvm.bitnet |  Feminist   |.......|.........................
Newsgroups: soc.bi