From: jpalmer@onetouch.COM (John Palmer)
Subject: Re: The Difference Injure..
Organization: MCS/OneTouch, Inc.
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 92 17:38:04 GMT

     Hi there. . . I'm going to make what could be called some nasty statements
here. . . I want you to read them and consider them.  


alaric@sti.com (The Renaissance Man) writes:

>In article <9ht16h@rpi.edu>, youngj4@aix02.ecs.rpi.edu (Jeffrey 'Taldin' Young) writes:
>] "To Daring to be *DIFFERENT*, damn us all."

>] "This is what I look like in real life.  This is what I wore
>] out today.  This is how I choose to dress for my day, today.
>] Change the shirt and jeans and socks, and you see how
>] I've been looking every day this past semester."
>....
>] "So why the hell do they call me 'Robin Hood?' And *laugh*?

>Alaric looks thoughtful.

>"There's a lot of possibilities," he pronounces after a few seconds.
>"Envy.  Spite.  Thoughtlessness.  Or simply to boost their own egos,
> because they think it makes them look witty or brave."

    Or maybe because they saw something out of the ordinary, thought it was
funny, and laughed.  You are projecting the results of the action (Taldin
feeling bad) onto the CAUSE of the action. . .and that's not good logic.  Do
you realize that this type of reasoning makes every gun that's been used in a
killing 'evil'?  That the gun is firing a bullet is irrelevant to the fact that
the bullet will, under the standard laws of physics, hit someone.

>] ....
>] He sighs.  Tonight on the dinner line I hear a soft comment,
>] 'hey look, it's Robin Hood.'  I ignore.  'Robin Hood!' Louder.
>] I turn.  White guy, blond hair, black woolen trench.  
>] I give him an annoyed look. "My name is not Robin Hood. I 
>] do not wish to be called that."

>"In that case," Alaric replies, "why acknowledge it at all?  Don't
> turn.  Ignore them.  If they insist on forcing their presence
> upon you and demand to know why you were ignoring them, simply
> reply that you didn't realize they meant you, since that isn't
> your name.  If you acknowledge it at all, even by turning round
> to protest, you legitimize it.
>"Learn to hear the tones in the voices, Taldin.  When there's
> interest or admiration there, them simply correct them...  gently.
> When there's spite, learn to hear the smallness that it shows.
> Learn to see that you are better than they, and draw strength from
> it.  If you stop giving them the reaction they expect, their game
> isn't fun any more.  And when it stops being fun, it stops being
> worthwhile."


    Okay, I take back everything I said about messing up logic. . .  but I
think you're missing the most potent weapon against laughter. . . and that's
being willing to laugh at yourself.  Mind, this doesn't work if there is a
chance that their laughter is going to turn into something MORE than laughter
(say, phyical harrassment) but if they are laughing at you, it's because they
see something funny. . .

      Mind, I'm over sensitive to laughter myself.  I've learned to laugh at
myself sometimes, but to me laughter is still 'how they try to hurt you'.

     I'm not saying you (or Taldin, for that matter) is wrong for not being
able to throw off laughter with more laughter of your own; I'm just saying that
this is the only sure fire way I know to get rid of the hurt. . . replace it
with something else.

      (I believe I read somewheres that Jimmy Durante became a comedian for
just that very reason. . .  if people were going to laugh at "da schnoz"
anyway, he was going to make sure he laughed first, and harder.)
********************************************************************
    "You know what your problem is, Sten? You don't laugh enough."

    "What's there to laugh at?  I'm up the arse of Vulcan, everyone I know is
trying to kill me, and odds are I'll be dead in a week."

    "That's it. . . it's because the gods are against you. . . personally.
What could be funnier than that?"

    Sten thought about this for a moment, then chuckled, and was soon consumed
in howls of laughter.

    "that's your other problem, Sten.  You laugh to much.  You're up the arse
of Vulcan and everyone you know is trying to kill you.   I'd be worried if I
were you."  
*******************************************************************     

    that's always been my favorite quote about laughter. . . and it was
written in one of the campiest, pulpiest science fiction series ever.  (The
series that introduced the story of the spotted snakes, in fact.)

    Taldin, I understand how you feel I think, because I've been there. . .
and I know how much it hurts.  But one thing that took a lot of the hurt out of
it for me was the realization that many of the people who were laughing at me
DIDN'T know me. . . and that means they COULDN'T be despising me for something
real. Try to keep that in mind; most of them truly don't know they are hurting
your feelings.  I'll bet many of the robin hooders think you must be a robin
hood fan to be wearing that hat. . . 

     And those that ARE trying to hurt your feelings, well. . . if you ignore
them, they know they got to you a little bit. . . if you can truly and honestly
laugh with them, they know they are doing nothing.

      Which is, I guess, lousy advice, insofar as it doesn't make you
feelbetter and might be makking you feel worse ( like I'm saying you're to
blame for your problems.  Sigh.)  But I guess I'll post it anyway. . .

                                          John
-- 
John Palmer					jpalmer@onetouch.COM
Columbus, OH					...!uunet!onetouch!jpalmer
Newsgroups: alt.callahans