From: krw@cbnewsk.cb.att.com (keith.r.smith)
Subject: Re: Styling, profiling and pretending
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 20:57:26 GMT

In article <1e8mmnINN38v@morrow.stanford.edu> HF.GTD@forsythe.stanford.edu (Gabrielle Daniels) writes:
>In article <1992Nov13.223406.23966@cbnewsk.cb.att.com>,
>krw@cbnewsk.cb.att.com (keith.r.smith) writes:
>>
>>The problem here is that all my-man had to go on was the word of his SO.
>>Tell me, how should he know which words of hers to believe, and which
>>words not to believe..... I mean, she said that she loved him...
>>was that a lie too?  Should he just assume that if she's moving her lips,
>>that she is lying?  I think that all too often, women expect that men
>>should have crystal balls, or somesuch other means of reading their minds.
>>Of course, if you can't read her mind, and know her innermost feelings
>>better than she will let on, or hell, better than _she_ knows them
>>(and I have yet to meet a brother who was clairvoyant) then you must
>>not really care/know-her-well-enough, or so the story goes....
>.
>.
>Brother, I am not attempting to create a flame war here.  

I appreciate that.  

>I am not
>saying that males should have have crystal balls at the ready to try
>to figure out what women are up to. I simply said that women have
>different ways of talking and relating. 

This seems to be (lamentably) so.

>I also told you how a woman
>would interpret what a man would think of their relationship.  I
>thought I made it pretty clear.  WHY SHOULD YOU CONTINUE TO BE WITH
>A WOMAN WHO LOVES YOU BUT YOU DO NOT RECIPROCATE HER FEELINGS?  Why
>is it a problem for you cats to let go of a relationship that has
>the makings for some real abuse on the part of both?  

Could it be that:

	a) he enjoyed her company
	b) they were good together in bed
	c) he thought that she was happy with the relationship as it stood
		(I mean, she _did_ say so, didn't she?)
	d) he was happy with the situation such as it was and
		1) saw no reason to be alone/go through "the chase"
		   again unnecessarily 
		   (I mean, there is always the possibility that he might
		    get mixed up with a sequence of women that might
		    either piss him off or drive him crazy, before he comes
		    across another that he can feel as comfortable with
		    as the one that he might be leaving now)
	e) all of the above

>I discussed
>this recently with a black woman who is over 50 years old, and she
>says essentially the same thing:  A young brother wants something
>for nothing. 

Just what is it that he wants, that he is not also giving in return?

>He is dogging the sister.  Period.

I still contend that if the lady had such a problem with the way things
were, then she should have "come clean" about it, rather than trying to
play the "waiting game".  I have yet to meet a person who has profited
from playing the waiting game.
>.
>I also insisted in previous posts that women should cut clean any
>kind of relationship like this and stop thinking the brother is
>going to change his mind because she's hanging onto him.

This is excellent advice.  When it is time to break off, it is best to
"break clean", and is this not exactly what the brother did, once his
SO "came clean" about her motivation in staying in the relationship?

Keith