From: jgacker@news.gsfc.nasa.gov (James G. Acker)
Subject: B&B:  We're having fun now!
Organization: Goddard Space Flight Center
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 22:11:20 GMT



     Today's episode of "The Bold and the Beautiful" is
brought to you by:

     The Natural Gas Heating Association
     The Natural Childbirth Council
     The Natural Firewood Society
     The Natural Snow Removers Union
     The Natural Color of Lady Clairol
     The National Society of Natural Idiocy
     The Natural Society of National Idiocy
     The Psychologists Who Can't Think for Themselves
Support Group

     and CBS
     (Contrived Birthing Scenario)

     Need I say more?  But of course I will!

     Tuesday on "The Bold and the Beautiful" 

     
     WHATTA GREAT NURSE!  WHATTA GREAT BODY!  WHATT I
WOULDN'T DO TA GET INTATHAT GENELAB!
     
     Sheila wheels out a patient who's apparently a real
pain in physical therapy.  Har.  Sheila assures him that his
determination to walk again is an inspiration to all the
other patients, and that anything he dishes out, she can
handle.  Dr. Peters (Tracy),  watches, impressed.  The
orderly wheels him out, and Tracy compliments Sheila on her
curbside manor.   He frustrated a few previous nurses.
Sheila has been volunteering, even on Christmas Day -- what
a self-sacrificing personality!  Not a problem, this job is
so rewarding, Sheila says, as she stares down the doctor's
cleavage again.
     Any tendencies we don't know about?  Tracy asks.
Startled Sheila compliments the doctor's necklace -- lucky
that she happens to be wearing one!  A gift to herself --
the doc's apparently married to her work.  Shame.  Ahem.
Sheila starts to ask questions about her work, and the talk
turns to the impending paternity determination between Daddy
F. and Ridgey F., both of whom had motive AND opportunity to
pass on their genetic heritage.  Is it difficult?  Sheila
inquires.  Giving father and son the same motive and
opportunities while you're fertile?  Tracy returns.  I
wouldn't know.  No, I mean will the test be difficult!   Oh,
that.  Well, with blood samples from Brooke, Eric, Ridge and
Stephanie, we should figure it.  I.e., if the babe has some
of Steph's genes, Fetus Forrester resulted from Ridge's lack
of jeans.  (I'm stretching.)  COOL!  Sheila says --
Stephanie's the wild card.    I can see why you're so
interested in the genetics lab, Tracy notes.
     Panicking, Sheila leaps from the hospital balcony.
Actually, after the commercial break, Tracy compliments
Sheila for her interest, and Sheila says the research
"intrigues" her.  Thanks, Tracy says, some people think I'm
the mad scientist.  Well, off to the locker room -- I'm
subbing the next three days for sick doctors.  Hmmm...
Sheila thinks, maybe I'll stop by and see if you're tucked
in and sleeping well.

     ALMOST LIKE GETTING PICS OF A PYROCLASTIC FLOW
or
     WHEN THE MOUNTAIN'S SLIDIN', YOU BE HIDIN'

     At the condo, Eric and Taylor fret over the lack of
communication from the mountaintop.   Eric checks the
Weather Channel.  Basically, it's the Biblical Version of a
Blizzard up at Big Bear.  Guess those folks are having a
real White Christmas.  "Roads are impassable, stores are out
of toilet paper and completely out of Trojans, sponges, and
foam, so don't plan on going up there until the Spring
THAW!"  the weathercaster pleads hysterically.  "It hasn't
snowed like this since Tambora!"  Taylor says she doesn't
like the sound of that and decides to go up and check for
herself.  Eric dissuades her of that foolish notion, tells
her to go home and get her beauty rest, and he'll call when
Ridge calls.  After attempting to reach the cabin (the phone
lines are down) and the car phone (nobody's driving), she
reluctantly agrees.  Still, she accuses Brooke of making
just another manipulative ploy to get Ridge's attention.
Eric says you're being a little harsh, after all, Brooke's
pretty dumb.  Dumb or not, it wasn't very nice, and she
convinces Eric that when she gets home, he needs to deal
with it.
     On the way home, though, Taylor thinks about it again,
mistrusts Brooke, and decides to take the Mercedes up the
slopes.  She heads for the valley.

     YOU THINK THAT WAS A PROBLEM?  NOW WE GOT A PROBLEM

     Ridge thinks really, really, really hard about where
Brooke could be.  No lights go on.  He goes outside and
can't hear her desperate cries for aid.  He goes back
inside.  Where in the nine frozen hells of Palain 7 are you,
Brooke?  he wonders.  (Email for the reference.)  The car's
still here.  I've got it -- the neighbors!   He goes out to
check with the neighbors, who only live about two miles away
or so, and doesn't put on gloves or a hat.  I'm glad this
guy is a dress designer.
     Brooke, meanwhile, contemplates her afterlife as a
SnoCone.  She's still logged in to the woodpile and can't
logout.
     Ridge finally hears Brooke through the howling
blizzard, finds her at the woodpile, extricates her and her
slight tear of the medial collateral ligament in her right
knee, and gets her back into the cabin.  Within a two-minute
commercial break, his hair is dry, the lamps are lit, the
fire is going, and Brooke is sipping some Swiss Miss cocoa. 
Maybe Ridge really is an Eagle Scout.  He then asks the
obvious question -- what possessed Brooke to come out her,
nine months pregnant, and without her Mickey Mouse mittens?
She's gotten used to being alone, and wanted to be alone.
So go home, and leave her at the cabin!  Nonsense, Ridge
says, we'll always be friends, and we share a history.  I
didn't want to lose that.  That's why I came up to get you.
Brooke tearfully says she didn't want to lose it either.
Now that she's warmed up, he'll go warm up the car, and then
they'll take a nice easy sleigh ride, er, car ride back to
L.A., because it's lovely weather for a Porsche ride
together with you.  He heads for the door.

     That was it.
     Nothing more.
     No big developments.
     Just another day on "B&B".
     Ho-hum.
     La-de-dah.
     Oh well.

     Oh yeah.  I almost forgot.  Just as Ridge was going to
open the door, Brooke gasps "Oh no!"  What?  Ridge asks, and
tells her not to slip on that melted snow she's standing on.
That's not melted snow, Ridge, my bag of waters just broke!
Well, get another Hefty Bag then.  Uh, no, I mean I'm going
into labor!  Ridge suggests that he run out and see if
"Hoffa" is in the video stores yet.

     Tune in tomorrow, when Taylor asks:

     "Does this massive snowfall have anything to do with
Mt. Pinatubo?"

     Jim "sneaky with those climatological references" Acker
     jgacker@neptune.gsfc.nasa.gov

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