From: 185422285%VUVAXCOM.BITNET@uga.cc.uga.edu (Alec D. Plotkin)
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.words-l
Subject: Funny.
Date: 13 Oct 92 23:31:00 GMT
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU
Original_To:  157600634,WORD
Original_cc:  185422285

Subj:   25 Reasons to vote for Bush

Editorial from the Kentucky Kernel:
List of positive Bush Administration accomplishments:
1. Booming sales for manufacturers of "going out of business" signs.
2. Under Bush education plan, avg. American students scores in math
   and science are still ahead of scores in Chad, Bangladesh, Honduras.
3. Federal Emergency Management Agency doing a terrific job of getting
   assistance to victims of 1969 Hurricane Camille.
4. Four years of global warming means warmer winters for the growing
   number of homeless.
5. Kept spirits up during recession by telling the unempolyed that
   things would improve if they would just buy new houses.
6. Income taxes much lower for millions of Americans who no longer have
   incomes.
7. Despite decreases in after-tax income for people, per-capita income
   for most other forms of plant and animal life high as ever. Dogs have
   never done better.
8. A true agent of change , based on numerous changes of position on key
   issues.
9. Opened up new job opportunities for potential Supreme Court justices who
   might not have been chosen when picky past presidents insisted on
   "qualifications" and "experience".
10. Technically kept his "no new taxes" pledge by merely raising old taxes
    that had existed for years.
11. Saw economic growth in  the last quarter increase by a whopping 0.00002
    percent -- and that could double next quarter.
12. Has a comprehensive, detailed new plan  for how we will blame the deficit
    on everyone else during a second term.
13. Fired off a very, very strong letter to the Chinese leadership after the
    Tiananmen Square massacre.
14. Dan Quayle's Competitive Council responsible for easing of restrictive
    food-quality red tape that forced food companies to refrigerate mayonnaise.
15. Administration support for industrial research and development led to the
    improved Ginzu knife.
16. In the last 4 years, no American state has even hinted at seceding from
    the Union -- an area in which Bush exceeds Lincoln.
17. Has spent 4 years speaking out against welfare fraud; in second term, may
    actually propose something be done about it.
18. Standing in unemployment lines helps cardiovascular system, quality
    exercise also gained by  running away from growing number of muggers.
19. By cleverly selling arms to foreign countries until just before we go to
    war with them, we gain detailed knowledge of what weapons they are using
    against us.
20. Administration antics provide fodder for popular TV comedians, giving
    the public much needed comic relief from the recession.
21. Cuts in education are helping put a small dent in paying off the savings-
    and-loan bailout tab.
22. Improved Yugoslav-American relations means American consumers can at
    long last, buy a Yugo.
23. Tiny number of prime-time press conferences and Oval Office speeches
    means more time for wacky TV sitcoms and gripping reality shows.
24. Miniature golf scores are up nationally.
25. Is responsible for every single good thing that's happened anywhere in
    the world in the last 4  years and either had no power to stop the bad
    stuff or was prevented from doing so  by  the evil Congress.
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