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Date:         Fri, 31 Jul 1992 09:38:48 -0400
From:         Steve Rafferty <E7L8RAF@TOWSONVX.BITNET>
Subject:      Clarifications on position Y

>This is to announce the candidacy of yet another ticket, the "Y" ticket,

>other andY/ steve raffertY for president!

>Just say "Y"?!?

>(We're just a bunch of Y's guys B))

Some clarification is in order.  My running mate has advanced some
positions which reflect his penchant for humor rather than serious
consideration of the isshoes.  I, being older, am the serious side
of our ticket, OandY has more hair.  (Those who know me realize I
have at least as much hair as OandY but that I wear it on the inside.)
OandY wears tie-dyes; I wear dyed ties.  On to the clarifications.

>1. The government owes you a living! See steve's recent posts on the topic.

This is true - the proof is seamless and elegant.  I will post a sixteen
cell spreadsheet shortly for the voters' consideration.


>3. The abolition of the Shadow Government.

In one of his more centrist moments, OandY has understated the true
goal of our administration.  The above statement would be more
accurate if the word "Shadow" is dropped.  Unlike the incumbent,
who has worked to replace himself with someone of unprecedented
mediocrity, it will be our goal to obviate the need for replacements
at all.  Further - we pledge to do this before the end of our first
term.


>4. The relegalization of marijauna. In fact it will become a crime (felonious
>herbicide) to willfully prevent marijuana plants from growth, except to process
>it for use.

Once again, OandY has understated our goal.  To wit, the relegalization
of all drugs. (And the elimination of the requirement for sentences to
have verbs.)  However, it would be counterproductive to eliminate one
form of criminalization only to impose another.  Consequently, as
desirable as the prevention of herbicide is, no law shall be enacted
which criminalizes it.

>5. Shoes, everybody should have some. The "Y-Ticket" prefers loose

I was born without shoes.  In fact, I may not have worn shoes for the
better part of the first year of my life.  Believe me, I know the
importance of shoes.  You needn't have graduated from Oxford to to
under stand this.

>I. The Beer Issue...

Beer is one of the finest inventions of man.  Beer is too important
to everyone to be left to the whims of the market.  One of fragments
of government that will remain after three years of the Y's Guys is
an agency to ensure that no one's right to drink whatever beer they
like, no matter how distasteful, is infringed.  More on this lager.

Incidentally, the all Kerry ticket has completely misrepresented
*every* ticket's position on the matter of beer and other intoxicants.
It is sad to see a once promising ticket put forth such froth.
Incidentally, though I have gone on for some time, the nomination
acceptance speech posted by the Kerrys exceed the Clintonian cutoff
by nearly a gigabyte.  I pledge to avoid such bandwidth waste.


      >  1. We believe in quality intoxicants, hence we will mandate the
      >     adoption of the German Purity Standards for brewing ingredients
      >     and processes.

This will actually be a truth in advertising endeavor.  Beverages
brewed according to German Purity Standard shall be called "beer".
Less than pure beverages of this type will be called "bEEr".


>IV. The National Anthem Issue

>The Tall Guys clearly haven't a clue here; the most important thing about
>a national anthem is that it must a) be beyond the singing range of most
>people , b) sound really good when one is drinking, and c) be the sort of
>thing that one might be more likely to attempt after a few beers.

As stated, OandY and I will be happy to compose a new national anthem.
While we work toward this end I propose adoption of "Green Haze" by
Elvis Hitler.  This song meets the sound requirements advance by OandY
above.

>The Y's guys suggest marijuana rather than benzedrine, pot seems to

While we advocate the relegalization of all drugs, our party does
not endorse any particular intoxicant.  This is a matter of personal
joys, uh, choice.

On to some of the Kerrys comments:

>   Narcotics are not an appropriate means to the end
>of personal fulfillment.  The use of illegal drugs is an escape
>mechanism, a way of evading one's personal responsibility for positive
>participation in society.  A civilized society requires a responsible
>citizenry.  Our opponents seek to anesthetize the American people to
>the true issues by pumping them full of false euphoria.

<yawn>  My fellow americans  (I always wanted to say that) haven't
we heard this specious rhetoric over and over again.  Note that, once
again the Kerry's make the distinction between legal and illegal
intoxicants. "Remember, the government knows what's best for you."
I respond - remember, you know what's best for the government, gradual
dismantling and dissolution.  One more thing - I challenge the Kerrys
to define "false euphoria".

now liese jumps in to endorse the Fall Guys:

>vouch for the fact that tim will not pick up his dog by the ears (he doesn't
>have a dog) or display his appendectomy scars on the net (doesn't have one o'

Any man or woman who doesn't have a dog knows nothing of the daily strife
of the common man or woman - this alone makes Tim unfit for the presidency.
I also pledge, in the spirit of public disclothure, to make available for
inspection by the public:  a particularly gruesome scar from a hernia
repair.


This has undoubtedly gone on far too long, I only wanted to clarify
what my running mate has publicly proposed.  I agree with him in
spirit on many of his proposals but he makes the error of assuming
that our government can be salvaged with more of the "fine tuning"
which has been attempted these far too many years.  I pledge to
disolve the federal government before the end of my first term
thereby sparing us a repeat of this circus in four years.

In closing, I will make one campaign promise which I pledge not to
break.
       "No new laws.  Read my lips - NO NEW LAWS"

steve raffertY for the Y's Guys


PS - since the EE team is faltering so badly, I would like to assure
     linda that I am well aware of the fact that the Librarian of
     Congress has never been a librarian - or a woman.  <hint>
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