From: rickk@netmbx.netmbx.de (Rick Kuhlbars)
Subject: Re: Commitment--The C-word?
Organization: From Below Das Boot
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 07:34:12 GMT

In article <1992Aug25.151319.13394@cbnewsd.cb.att.com> nance@cbnewsd.cb.att.com (nancy.l.colucci) writes:
>In article <Q4D6TST@netmbx.netmbx.de> rickk@netmbx.netmbx.de (Rick Kuhlbars) writes:
>>In article <1992Aug25.130303.9137@cbnewsd.cb.att.com> nance@cbnewsd.cb.att.com (nancy.l.colucci) writes:
>>>In article <1992Aug24.212416.4644@odin.corp.sgi.com> lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford) writes:
>>Seems that every woman you meet opens up along the lines of "mold me the way
>>you like."
>
>Maybe a good deal of women YOU meet get that way - but considering that the
>only common denominator in each encounter is YOU, could it somehow
>be possible that their reaction to you is because of some action on
>YOUR part?  Do you perchance give these women the impression that they
>just aren't perfect enough?  Just asking.
you might have touched base on this one.  However, I did not mean GET that
way, but ARE that way.  GET would imply that they change their behavioral
patterns by my influence.  I don't see it that way but to a certain 
extent that may be true.  I'm at a point in my life were I just don't
date to get laid, but to get to know someone I really care about.  So how
can I leave an impression that the person I'm dating isn't perfect enough
if I really WANT to spend time with her? 

>Not really.  I'd betcha you've encountered MANY such women in you life.
>I'd also bet that they're the ones you don't give the time of day to, in
>favor of the "mold me the way you like" ones who can be awfully pleasing
>initially (hence your attraction thereto) but get tiresome quickly.

This is like a standardized conclusion to the "Where are those men/women?"
question.  Perhaps I expressed myself a little unclear.  But usually,
when you meet someone you are interested in it is usually because of a
physical attraction or some kind of action performed by the relevant
person which usually isn't conclusive of the type of person you are 
about to meet.  BTW, attractive does mean dressed up and wearing 
make-up out in this context; my definition is quite different.  The 
concept that I am attracted to "moldable" woman might will be considered,
but personally, I like the person the way they are and don't expect
them to change for me.  It's more the old problem that we all know:
"Good partners in life are hard to find." 

>Whenever someone says "the SAME thing always happens to me in every
>single relationship I'm in!!!" don't you have to wonder what it is that
>person does over and over to make that happen every time??  :-)
>
>Don't blame all women, Rich.  Blame your choices and start making smarter
>ones.                  ^^^^-rick

I didn't say anything about relationships.  True there was a time when I
was a terrible boyfriend, but after four relationships over twelve years
you got to give me a little credit. While I'm not a perfect person, I
not crying "why does this happen to me, must be the other party in this
game" here.  Some things don't work out, and unless some negative behavioural
pattern is obvious one should not dwell on themselves thinking "What am I
doing wrong all my life?"  Did I say I BLAME women.?? I really don't
remember :-)

>>Anyway, while we all can say smart things with a clear mind on the net,
>>what happens when  the "michael bolton" effect occurs?  All we do is hope
>>it happens with the right person.  Sure, you can hold back your feelings
>>to an extent, but is chemistry meant to be approached with rationale? 
>
>I don't know about you, but I don't have a hard time weeding the happy
>peaceful content people from the stoic advice-givers in this group.  It's
>VERY easy.  One group speaks from hypothetic conclusions; the other from life.
???
Is this an answer to the above paragraph? If it is, I don't get it.

Later,
der ricker
----------
rickk@netmbx.netmbx.de
rick@netcs.com
----------
Looking for a girlfriend is like applying for a loan at bank,
you've got to make them believe you don't need one to get one.

>-Nance
>-- 
>Nance Colucci  *^*^*^*^*^*    o__    *^*^*^*^*  |  Work that body!
>att!ihlpk!colucci            _.>/               | Stay fit for life.
>                            (_) \(_)                           


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