From: pjbulfor@cayley.uwaterloo.ca (Pete "the Frog" Bulford)
Subject: Pete the Ignorant
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 16:10:23 GMT

>> [intro to Pete's life starting as a poly-person...]
>> She says that he is a poly-person and that was okay with her.
>> He encouraged her to adopt the same ideas.  Her first try at
Oppss... I have recently found out that he is NOT a poly-person
and that he fully intends to remain mono.  I'm not sure that 
that changes things drastically.
>
>I strongtly suggest you examine your feelings VERY closely.  If there is 
>even a shadow of a doubt that you can handle being somebodies secondary 
>without yet having been anyones primary, be prepared for things to get 
>difficult.  I hope I am not assuming much by stating that you probably 
>were brought up (like most of us) believing that monogamy was the ideal, 
>and without having experienced the other alternative, you may still 
>expect--not on a conscious level, but a visceral one--that your lady will 
>be "true" to you alone.  You may, however, be one of those remarkable 
>people who can adapt and adjust to the situation as readily as my first 
>lover's lover did (for whom she was also HIS first lover--does this make 
>sense?).  Also, another question that may arise is this: are you 
>comfortable playing with her *at the same time as her primary boyfriend 
>is playing with her?*  If you are, or could be, then this may be a way to 
>dispell a lot of the tension and apprehension invovled in a "zig-zag" 
>relationship.  You don't necessarily have to touch the other fellow, but 
>making the woman the center of attention can be fun as well as relaxing, 
>and can enable you to relate to the other man better, which may make your 
>part easier.
>--                    
>INTERNET:  ebrooks@netlink.cts.com (Eben Rosenberger)
>UUCP:   ...!ryptyde!netlink!ebrooks
>NetLink Online Communications * Public Access in San Diego, CA (619) 453-1115

Hmmm... This gives me more to think about.  I would have
myself believing that I can handle being part of a secondary
relationship.  I feel that I may just happen to be one of those
remarkable people that you have so mentioned in that I think that
I can adjust as required up to the extent that I feel that I could
pull out from the relationship completely if too much friction 
started.

I have only just met her 'boyfriend' just yesterday and as of yet
I don't think that I would be comfortable playing with her
*at the same time as her primary boyfriend is playing with her*
as of yet.  She has suggested that perhaps sometime the three of
us may get together and just try that.  I think that perhaps my 
comfort is rather based on what I perceive *his* comfort to be
and I don't think that he is entirely comfortable with me yet.
Hmmmmm.... Is this discomfort something that I should concern
myself with too much at this time?  Perhaps it is too early to
decide.

There is one more little sneak in the situation.  Her primary
boyfriend doesn't live in town yet and won't be for another 4
months at least.  However they DO call EVERY day keeping themselves
in close contact with eachothers life.

<Sigh>  This poly-stuff is much more complicated in action
than in words.

Pete