From: Mary.Haunreiter@f114.n105.z1.fidonet.org (Mary Haunreiter)
Newsgroups: k12.ed.special
Subject: Vietnamese
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 92 13:55:44 PDT
Organization: FidoNet node 1:105/114 - The Electronic Educ, Washougal WA

Hi,
  I hope I can keep this brief although I've opened a subject I probably could write an entire book on......I am the American mother of 7 Vietnamese boys, each escaped by boat at varying intervals depending on how their mother raised money for the escapes and how successful the escapes were. One of the boys tried three times to escape and ended up hiding in the jungle for three months.  But, basically they each came in pairs or separately.  Each carries a different set of emotional scars from their experie



nces. Each reacted differently.  Some had rougher trips than others.  There are many variables.  Generally their escapes were fairly routine, I have heard much worse stories, much worse.  When I first got them the older ones were in their teens, the youngest was 5, the next 10, the one after that 12 years old.....  The older ones could barely talk about their experiences.  They had lost their parents, their relatives, their homes and everything that was comforting in their lives.  Some were very angry, som



e depressed....  It so happens that my son from San Francisco is here, he is a counselor for minority youths in San Francisco, working with Juvenile defenders etc.  He read your message and that opened up alot of reminiscing for us.  He remembers being unable and unwilling to talk about his experiences but alot of it was just that he didn't think people would understand and would just be curious, rather than concerned.  Also, it was just plain painful to remember.  His advice is to go slow but he feels thi



ngs still need to be talked about.  Alot of the emotion these kids feel is deep anger.  Anger at their country, anger at their families for dying, anger to the new country they can't understand and anger they don't even understand.  
     Also, as I said earlier, these kids are probably older than you think but even if they are really 16, they are older.  The Vietnamese culture is a violent one.  They are harsh disciplinarians to their children, in our country Child Protective would be called if a father beat their child the way Vietnamese parents beat their children.  They are also very concerned about pride, personal pride, face etc.  If these boys have been a serious problems, they know that it will reflect on their families and cau



se great humiliation should their relatives in Vietnamese find out how bad they have been.  They are very concerned about family.  You can say F.... you to a Vietnamese and they don't care, but say F.... your mother... and you're dead.  You don't insult family members or ancestors, especially if they are Buddhist.
     There are definite social stratas in Vietnam.  The Catholics are usuallly your better educated, upper class, upper middle class people.  There are several variations on the Buddhists faith, animists etc.  The Catholics don't like the Buddhists, the Buddhists don't like the Catholics, the South doesn't like the North, and everyone makes fun of the Central Vietnamese people and they way they talk.  Villagers are separate from city people (Saigon).  Smart people come from Hue.  
   Your students could have gone through all sorts of traumas and still are, no matter how tough they seem, they are hurting but they are still dangerous.  My son says you can't trust them, many of them wouldn't hesitate to kill you.  He also says that Vietnamese are the best liars in the world out of necessity to survive in a third world country.  They also don't trust anyone, not their own people, not each other and definitely not any white do gooder.   You can break them down, but it takes time and pati



ence.  My son works with many that he sees no hope for the damage is too great (but he's not giving up)  
   I could go on and on.  The Vietnamese Buddhists have several important days a year. One those days they will go to a temple to make offerings, pray for relatives, and have a sort of social gathering.  New Years is very important....they buy new clothes, have special food, celebrations, firecrackers and make amends for the bad they have done during the past year.....its very important to them to do the right things on those days.  There is another celebration honoring mothers, living and dead.  Motherhoo



d is sacred in the Vietnamese culture, mothers are all important and very revered.  So the loss of a mother is the greatest tragedy.  
   I'll stop for this installment....there is so much.  If you have specific questions....please ask.  And thank you for offering to let me visit your sl, I hope I can this spring when I visit my boys.
                           Chuc Mung Giang Sinh


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