From: abigail@ramsey.cs.laurentian.ca (Shawn Abigail)
Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian
Subject: Dating
Date: 14 Dec 92 05:10:21 GMT
Organization: Dept. of Computer Science, Laurentian University, Sudbury, ON

It is unrealistic to expect any person to be an island, whether it is
a teenager, or a person in their 20's and 30's who is still single.
I have a few practical suggestions.

1) Make spiritual alternatives available, such as a young people's Bible
study.

2) Also, plan activities with the young people.  Those who don't have
anyone to share their lives/time with can be with a group and thus
avoid loneliness, and it also gives Christian young people a chance to
get to know other young people without the need for indiscriminate
dating.

3) Invite another young peoples group to visit for a weekend.  Depending
on the spiritual level of the individuals, this could be a mini-
conference, or a floor hockey tournament (or both).

4) An older Christian can bring younger Christians along with him when
he travels to preach.  Often, a young man can take the 1st five or
ten minutes of the sermon.  The young person gets the chance to meet
other young people, and the church they are visiting gets to hear a 
different perspective.

5) Young people who are struggling with singleness need someone they
can talk to (preferably an older person of the same sex, or you
could be in for big complications).  Pray for the young people in your
church, that they would be able to find good marriage partners, and
quietly let them know that you are praying for them.  If they are
willing, let them discuss their struggles to remain sexually pure.

6) It is also good if they can see role models among their peers, such
as a young person who is also single, and yet is standing up well 
under the pressure.

7) Exercise a ministry of hospitality among all the single people in
your church.  If you are _really_ concerned about this, plan on having
someone over for supper at least once a week (and perhaps have some
barbeques for the young people in the summer).

8) The church has to realize that single people of all ages not only
exist, but are also struggling.  The church seems far too geared to
the young family, with singles taking the place of a 5th wheel.

9) Singles must be given a chance to get involved in the spiritual
life of the church.  Being busy keeps your mind off loneliness and
sex.

10) I hesitate to mention this last point for fear that people will
misunderstand me, or take my comments too far, but here goes.  I
honestly believe that the leaders in a local church should take a
slightly more direct role in helping people to find marriage partners.
I do not mean arranged marriages (although in those cultures that
practice arranged marriage, it might be better for the church leaders
to arrange a marriage, instead of potentially unbelieving parents).
I am not sure exactly what I mean by this.  Perhaps, local church
leaders (shepherds) should simply keep an eye out, and if they see
two people who are well suited for each other, simply mention this
idea to them.  Local church leaders who take their responsibilities
seriously, will make this one of their top prayer concerns.  Nothing
can be more devestating to a person's spiritual life than a lack
of a relationship, or a bad relationship.

11) Based on 2 Corinthians 6:14, young Christians must be constantly
warned about the consequences of dating or marrying an unbeliever.  I
will take some flak for this, but I must say it: young Christians
who disobey this injunction must be subjected to Biblical church
discipline (with the view to restoration).  Sorry folks, but we
do not have the right to refuse to discipline a Christian who is
sinning.

These are some of the principles that I have found helpful (or would
find helpful).  I hope that they will help you and your church.

Shawn Abigail
abigail@ramsey.cs.laurentian.ca