From: ssalter@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (-=[SLS]=-)
Subject: Kathrea and Baron Silverwind in the Rose Garden [CASTLE]
Organization: OFSA
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 20:38:22 GMT

It was August, the time of harvest, and that in general was a 
marvellously rich and beautiful time in the Castle of Romance. But
the richest and most beautiful place in the whole kingdom at that
precise time was certainly the rose garden of the Castle - a place
of sheltering trees, velvet-soft lawns, sunshine and butterflies 
and birds, and of course, *roses*! They were everywhere - on the 
lawn, climbing the trees and the grey stone wall, surrounding the 
benches and the fountains, shining in all colors imaginable and 
unimaginable, spreading their heavenly sweet fragrance in the air,
wrapping every visitor luxuriously in it as if it were a cloth of 
the lightest, airiest fabric, or the embrace of a loved one. It was
a special place of romance even in a Castle dedicated to Love, and
during these ripe, glorious last days of summer, it was seldom empty. 

Yet Baron Silverwind happened to catch Kathrea in one of those rare
quiet moments among the roses. It was late morning, and most people
were yet busy with their tasks of the day, but Kathrea had none of
those - at least, not to speak of. She had now been back a couple of
days, and she had seemingly spent most of that time sitting in the
garden, immersed in thoughts no-one cld guess at. She was much less 
talkative than she used to be (for what little he had seen of her 
before the battle and then her coma and disappearance), and something 
in her bearance and the continuous flicker of changing moods on her 
face did nothing to encourage discussion. 

And yet she smiled now, when she saw the young Baron approaching her
nook among the bushes of huge, velvety, deep-red roses. Sitting there 
in the new red dress given to her by Ladies Elaine and Elizabeth, her 
hair and face glowing in the warmth of the sun, she was like a rose 
herself. Silverwind could not help the weakness in his knees as he 
looked at her, but he kept his expression unconcerned. 

"Good morning, My Lady", he greeted. 

"Good morning, Silverwind", she answered cheerfully. 

"May I sit down in your company for a while?"

"Certainly, and for longer, too, if you wish! Isn't it a gorgeous
day?"

"Yes, it surely is", he admitted. "I have never seen flowers as 
magnificent as these before, nor sunshine as golden... "

"Not even in your homeland?" 

He shook his head, smiling. 

"No, I do not think so. But I do not think there is any place in any
world more beautiful than this land and this garden - this IS the
land blessed by the Goddess of Love, after all."

"Yes, of course", Kathrea agreed. "But speaking of your homeland, 
shouldn't you, too, soon be going back to see how your people are
doing?"

"And are you so eager to be rid of me, My Lady?" he asked, trying to 
smile, but unable to prevent the hurt sounding in his voice. 

"Don't be an idiot, my friend", Kathrea laughed. "I simply wondered
whether you don't have a greater duty towards them now that the war 
is over here - judging by your troops and the absolute devotion they
showed you in the battles, I would say that you are rather important
in the place you come from."

She cocked her head to the side, smiling mischievously. However, he
was not feeling the least bit jocular about the matter. 

"My greatest duty is to my appointed task as a Knight, and that 
means you, My Lady", he said defiantly. "My people do not need me 
- I am not a ruler, at least not yet, and I must find my own way and
my own place as a true Knight before I can become one."

Kathrea sighed, a cloud falling over her face, but she did not say
anything. 

"Remember the last time we sat like this?" she then asked, suddenly
changing the subject. 

"Yes, in the camp, a day before the Battle of the Glade."

"We were watching the sun rise over the mountains and talking about
how we are both outsiders to this Land of beauty... "

"And confirming our resolve to fight for it anyway."

"Right." Kathrea's expression was distant, as if she were lost in 
a memory, but for some reason Silverwind did not think it was a memory
of that early morning of birds and silvery light in the woods of the
Land. 

"Much has changed since", she said softly.

In his mind, Silverwind agreed with her, and yet he asked:

"What changes would you mean by that?"

"Well, for one, I am not an outsider any more - I have come to see 
that there truly is nowhere else for me to go. This must be my home
now. And - other things, too."

"I understand", he said, thinking of his own changes during this 
time. 

"Do you?" she said, glancing at him, her expression unfathomable. 
"I wonder."

He did not notice the glance, however, being lost in his own thoughts.

"I have learned many things about myself in this miraculous place", 
he said. "It is hard to find words for it all... But the magic and
beauty of the Land and the courage and love of its people has made
me see how much I still have to grow, before I can call myself a 
true Knight... That is why I have been in no hurry to travel back to
my own country - I feel that I do not have a right to claim the 
place that would be mine until I fulfill the demands of my call."

"You, not yet a true Knight? Oh come now, Silverwind, you are one
of the few that are the most worthy to carry that title in honour!" 

He looked at her, smiling apologetically. "But I do not feel that
way myself, and that is what matters, isn't it?"

"Yes, of course - and in a way I know how you feel. After all, we 
are our own strictest judges... all of us..."

There was that distant look and the cloud of shadow again. Worry
twisted his heart, and he wished he could somehow have wiped the 
darkness away, have lifted that mysterious burden from her small
shoulders... But what could he do? What was there for him to do, as
emphatically as she had forbidden him to speak. 

Ever. 

"I am sure there is nothing in which you need to judge yourself
strictly", he said, striving for lightness. 

She came out of her reverie, looked at him in surprise and shook her
head, smiling - but there was no mirth in that smile. 

"Oh Silverwind, Silverwind, do you really not know me better than 
that?" 

He straightened his back even more and answered her look, now deadly
serious. 

"If I do not, I certainly wish I did", he said. 

All her reserves, all her walls slammed shut between them again. The
rosy girl was gone, wiped away in the wind, and in her place sat a
wizard, a woman hardened by years of suffering, shadowed in power and
pain and mystery. 

"It is true I have not been as familiar and open with anyone in this
place as I should", she said in a formal voice, "and that is indeed 
one of the things that worries me at present. I have to make a choice
between burdening others with what I am and have been, and between
staying a stranger to the Land forever. But believe me, Silverwind, 
my friend - whichever choice I make, you may come to wish you had 
never known me..."

"Kathrea, that I could never wish", he said emphatically, trying not
to shout the words; not to let his hurt show. He was a Knight, or at
least strove to be one... and he would NOT distress the wizard-girl
any further... he would NOT add anything to her burden!

So he bit his teeth together and managed to smile, as if he had just
said an ordinary compliment in the courtliest knighthood tradition. 

Kathrea was quiet for a long time. Her face was expressionless, as 
if it had again turned into grey stone. It seemed as if the sun had
left the garden only to avoid falling on that small lonely face. The
birds still sang in the trees, unconcerned. 

Kathrea held out her hand and picked a half-opened rose from the 
bush, looking at it absent-mindedly, not really seeing it at all. 

Suddenly she got up, still gripping the flower tightly in her hand,
determination in her every movement. 

"We shall see", she said grimly, and the flower fell from her fingers
in countless deep-red petals like drops of red blood. 

"I'm afraid I need to go now", she said in a more polite voice. "I
have agreed to go riding with Eowyn the Shieldmaiden, and we should
soon be leaving. I hope you are not offended?"

"No, of course not", he said just as politely, rising up from the 
bench. 

However, just at that moment there was a lot of noise - happy noise, 
the sounds of many people running, laughing and talking in the main
courtyard. Kathrea's head turned sharply towards the voice. 

"I wonder what that is?" she said, though still distantly. "Perhaps
I'd better go and see."

She nodded to him and left. He did not follow her, but stood there 
among the roses of late summer, looking at the back of the slowly
receding small figure, until she disappeared behind the corner of the 
wall, her hands still clenched at her sides. 




-Kristiina