HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: wtr@mitre.org (Bill Ralston)
Subject: Re: Working at a Relationship
Organization: The MITRE Corporation
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1992 15:44:00 GMT

in article <1992Sep3.193642.9175@gvl.unisys.com> liz@prc.unisys.com (Liz 
Loquacious) writes:

>This brings up a question of mine.  What does it mean to people when they
>talk about working very hard on a relationship?  Where do you draw the line
>at what is too hard?

When the work you put in is rewarded by the relationship getting better 
and better, it's worth it.  When the work you put in is necessary to keep 
the relationship from degenerating further, it's too hard.  

> Lately I've started looking at it as the same kind of
>"work" that individuals will do for their own growth such as being really
>honest with themselves and accepting the reality of the "good" and "bad"
>things that are happening and being willing to change or grow from the
>experience.

Good relationships grow and get better with time, bads ones don't.  Same 
process as individual growth.  I think I'm growing and like myself better every year, but not everyone is as fortunate.

>  I think issues come up in relationships which require the same
>kind of honesty and that it can be a great place for this kind of "work"
>and for people to grow as a couple and individuals.  Is this the way most 
>people think of the work that's involved?

I don't think everybody feels this way, but I do.  A lot has to click for 
a couple to both share this kind of viewpoint and share this kind of 
growing.  I think there's an easy trap for one person to become dependent 
on the other for emotional growth.

>  Saying "very hard" to me brings up
>feelings or thoughts of never ending drudgery.  And it probably stirs up
>those guilt feelings being a divorce vet, like I didn't work hard enough
>but I don't really believe that is true for me.
>As far as where to draw the 
>line I read something in "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills which talked about
>working on a relationship but when you're trying but coming out not feeling 
>good about yourself that it may be best to move on.  That seemed like sound
>advice to me.

I have to occasionally ask myself the following when I feel guiltly I 
didn't work hard enough to save my marriage. (1)  Would I be happier now 
if I was still in the marriage (answer: no, so it obviously wasn't worth 
working harder to save).  In the case the answer to that question is yes for 
someone, then they need to ask themselves whether any amount of work would 
have saved the relationship.


Bill
---------------
wtr@mitre.org
** It's all opinion, and it's mine.  My employer can keep it's grubby hands off 'em*
From: dlyons@necis.UUCP (Dave Lyons)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Commitment--The C-word?
Date: 26 Aug 92 13:35:37 GMT
Organization: NEC Information Systems, Acton, MA

In article <1992Aug24.203448.27761@news.acns.nwu.edu>, drmax@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (Marianna Max) wrote:
> 
> "Rescuing women" must be some kind of male need or something. When I was

That sounds awfully generalistic coming from you Max.

> way take over the job of finishing my house for me. Of course they all
> thought that since they had a Y chromosome that they just had to know a
> better way to do the job than I did, never mind that I designed the house
> in the first place. Sheesh

I have a house that is in desperate need of finishing out here in the
So. NH countryside.  Trust me, even with my Y chromosome, I'd be more than 
happy to let you do anything you wanted to it without kibitzing of any kind.
.                                       -- Dave --
-- 
***************************************************************************
DaveJ Lyons       DoD #0633         dlyons@necis.nec.com  (603)878-2567 BBS
Opinions expressed are mine. My company doesn't even know I'm here (Shhhh!)
***************************************************************************
From: mlb@CISCO.COM (Marcia Bednarcyk)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Commitment--The C-word?
Date: 28 Aug 92 00:20:48 GMT

In article <1992Aug25.154006.23144@walter.bellcore.com>, walter (Walter Lego) writes:
|> Given that a common denominator with Nancy and Lana who have similar views
|> of independence is their prior bad experience with a relationship, is it
|> possible that women that haven't gone through that same experience may still
|> wish to compromise more than they should? 

This is an interesting point, because there's nothing like walking through
fire to help clarify your needs and wants. Some people seem to know
instinctively what they want and what is a fair compromise, some seem to
learn that from a bad experience, and some may never learn :-).

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                        ADDRESS: mlb@cisco.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."
"... the meaning of life is to be happy, try not to hurt people, and hope
you fall in love."
From: mlb@CISCO.COM (Marcia Bednarcyk)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: How'd You Get Here?? (Was:Lurkers)
Date: 28 Aug 92 00:40:52 GMT

|> In article <-bcnkf@lynx.unm.edu> blowfish@carina.unm.edu (rON.) writes:
|> >Speaking of, net.singles persons, how did >you< get involved around here?

Um, by chance. :-).

Way back when soc.singles was still net.singles, I moved to CA after
graduating college, and took a job with HP. Well, I found out that in my
job, my "normal" accounts didn't have email access, so I did some begging 
and pleading to get one that did. In the course of setting up the account,
the sysadmin pointed out that there was this thing called "notes", where
you could talk to people about all kinds of things. (Anyone remember
net.social?) Wow, this was GREAT.

About three months later, I finally got up the courage to post something...
I used the name field of "It's Only Me" at the time, just because I was shy.
I didn't get flame broiled, so I posted again...and about that time I
came up with my .signature block form, and the <now infamous> signature
quote, "Sweaty Snugglebunnies". The email address has changed several times,
but the form is still essentially what it was when I typed it it back then.

I guess the rest is history, since while I haven't been the most prolific
poster, I've been fairly steadily here, attending a number of the boinks,
meeting a lot of people, and generally having a good time with it all. The
only thing I've really learned is that you can't take the net too seriously,
and it's a lot more fun when you don't :-).

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                        ADDRESS: mlb@cisco.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."
"... the meaning of life is to be happy, try not to hurt people, and hope
you fall in love."
From: diana@wetware.com (CatWoman )
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Oh, no! Statistics! Run!! :-)
Date: 2 Sep 92 18:00:33 GMT
Organization: Castle WetWare MouseCatcher

wjb@moscom.UUCP (Bill de Beaubien) writes:

] CatWoman (diana@wetware.com) wrote:
] : kevin@nuchat.sccsi.com (Kevin Brown) writes:
] : ] Ouch!  That wouldn't be because Snap-On tools are so expensive, and thus
] : ] a guy with Snap-On tools has a lot of money, would it?  :-)
] : 
] : No - the quality, and the idea you can't just pick them up
] : at your local department store...
] :  
] Ah, so you like yours hard to get?

Well - more on the order of "just not real easy".

Diana
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle)
Subject: Re: Exactly what I mean by "unattached"...
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 12:24:00 GMT

tlode@nyx.cs.du.edu (trygve lode) writes:

>    kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle) writes:
>I get the feeling that many people find it very important that their
>feelings be uncontrollable and fundamentally incomprehensible and
>illogical; why, I'm not quite sure, though I suspect that it may be
>because they feel the need for life to be mysterious and beyond their
>comprehension and control or that they feel threatened by science and
>logic.

Uncontrollable does not imply incomprehensible nor illogical.
But to the average non-introspecitve man on the street (any street not
in your pocket universe) they are probably both incomprehensible and
"illogical" (odd choice of word.)

>> control your emotions, right?  Then--turn the love you feel for your
>> closest friend into hate, or, better yet, ennui.
>If I decided that the advantages of doing so greatly outweighed the
>disadvantages, that would not be especially hard; 

If you "decided" and this was not prompted by changes/actions on the
part of your friend, you could blithely turn love into hate?  
I certainly couldn't.
-- 
Kiran Wagle     <kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu>     (812) 335-0420
From: neilp@cs.hw.ac.uk (Neil Postlethwaite)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Lurkers...
Date: 26 Aug 92 19:19:52 GMT
Organization: Dept of Computer Science, Heriot-Watt University, Scotland

In article <pban8+_@lynx.unm.edu> blowfish@carina.unm.edu (rON.) writes:
>
>Did the regular people of this group realize that there are over 100,000
>people who read this here very group?

I've heard this 100,000 readers claim for the group mentioned before. Is
there any reasonable proof for this or is it an educated net.guess ?????

If it is true, I feel a paranoia attack coming on !!

STOP WATCHING ME !!!!!!

Neil


****************************| Sig' Time |*********************************
JANET: 	  neilp@uk.ac.hw.cs   *   Neil Postlethwaite, Rm G.25, 
INTERNET: neilp@cs.hw.ac.uk   *   Dept of Computer Science,  
UUCP: 	  ..!uknet!hwcs!neilp *   Heriot-Watt University, Riccarton Campus
                              *   Edinburgh, EH14 4AS, United Kingdom.
------------------------------*-------------------------------------------
Computer Science Account      *   Phone +44 (0)31 449-5111 x4174
From: pdsmith@bbn.com (Peter D. Smith)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Exactly what I mean by "unattached"...
Date: 28 Aug 92 21:58:31 GMT
Reply-To: pdsmith@spca.bbn.com (Peter D. Smith)
Organization: Bolt Beranek and Newman Inc., Cambridge MA
NNTP-Posting-Host: bbn.com

In article <kiran.714606874@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu> kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle) writes:
>The only control one has over one's emotions is to repress them, and
>(a) eventually they all go and (b) someday they all come back at once.
>
>People are, i think, indeed unable to control their feelings.  
>-- 
>Kiran Wagle                             <kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu>
>P.O.Box 2083 Bloomington IN 47402-2083                  (812) 335-0420

They don't all come out -- just some.  For example, if I repress a
homicidal impulse every day for ten years, and then go on a rampage
and kill 20 people, that's a net savings of 3,630 people.

					Peter D. Smith


PS -- my brother flucked out of IU.  Say "hi" to him when you get your
car fixed...
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: cocoa@iat.holonet.net (little 'e')
Subject: Re: Where the best posts come from: Dawn naturally.
Organization: The Chocolate Factory
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 03:20:32 GMT


In article <1992Aug31.184813.17459@cbfsb.cb.att.com> jjd1@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (james.j.dutton) writes:
>In article <la4pdaINNl25@news.bbn.com> dhardin@spcink.bbn.com (Dawn Hardin) writes:
>>Isn't anybody going to mention any men?  How about the sensitive james
>>dutton?  Or Steve Swann?  Or James Nicole?  Or.... whoops, I guess it's 
>>a waste of time to suck up to the men, huh?
>>
>>Dawn
> 
>I could see your impish mind working, on this one. You pixie you.
>You'll always be first in my heart, also.
>Whats my score?

Score: 100.  You have hit the bullseye and pierced my widdle heart.

My poor little decieved and broken heart will now climb into a little hole
and die. :( 

"Oh Ah-go-nee!  Ah-go-nee!" - B. Bunny

Just me,

little "small and sensitive" 'e'



-- 
*  *  *    Chocolatier at Arms, and Castle Wetware Liason            *  *  *
*  *   e-mail: cocoa@iat.holonet.net    -     voicemail: 415-337-4940   *  *
From: diamond@acpub.duke.edu (Elizabeth Abrams)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Desperation (was Re: Commitment--The C-word?)
Date: 2 Sep 92 22:43:51 GMT
Organization: Duke University; Durham, N.C.

In article <14428@auspex-gw.auspex.com> johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:
>We'll why don't you ask someone out.  Wait,  you already did that didn't
>you?  Eating alone sucks doesn't it.  Especially for someone that likes
>to cook.  
>+============================================================================++
>| John Fereira            "Is that all you ever think about?"                |
>| johnf@auspex.com                                                           |
>+===========================================================================

I haven't asked anyone out because I don't *know* anybody yet.  I'm pretty
forward, but I draw the line at mugging complete strangers (although that
line can get pretty blurred after enough Tequila Sunrises have gone down
the hatch)!  I only know one man in town, and he's my ex, and there just isn't
enough tequila on the planet to make *that* seem like a good idea.

Eating alone isn't much fun, though.  Especially since I can't afford to
buy furniture, and my new apartment is full of fleas, so I'm sort of camping
in the dining nook... not only is the company boring, but the ambiance lacks
a trifle. :-)
 
			Diamond (or Beth)
From: rawdon@colby.cs.wisc.edu (Michael Rawdon)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: How'd You Get Here?? (Was:Lurkers)
Date: 1 Sep 92 16:15:33 GMT
Reply-To: rawdon@colby.cs.wisc.edu
Organization: University of Wisconsin Computer Sciences Dept., Madison, WI

In <14388@auspex-gw.auspex.com> johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:
>In article <1992Aug31.192923.18464@cs.wisc.edu> rawdon@colby.cs.wisc.edu writes:
>>In <14378@auspex-gw.auspex.com> johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:
>|>|I read about 70 newsgroups, though only a few in any depth.  I'm also an
>|>|advocate of the "better newsreaders solves newsgroup volume problems,
>|>|splitting the group does not" philosophy.

>|>We could use you over in the rec.music groups.

>|I was a very vocal opponent of rec.music.rush (which was defeated on its first
>|vote, but for all I know there may have been a second by now).  I was also a
>|vocal opponent of alt.music.rush, which was created over many loud
>|objections, and I refuse to read or post to the group.

>Where were you during the rec.music.phish, rec.music.enya debates?

Could have been any number of places. :-)  I was unsubscribed for much of
the summer (when I wasn't on vacation).  (In all likelihood I was just
ignoring discussions on groups I didn't know and didn't like, respectively.)

>|But I sadly don't read either rec.music.misc or alt.rock-n-roll deeply
>|enough any more to get embroiled in many of the split flamewars there...

>Too bad.  You're missing the "Prog rockers are isolationist" thread because
>someone created alt.fan.peter.hamill.

Oh, yeah, I noticed that group.  (My only experience with Hammill is on
Robert Fripp's _Exposure_ album, so I just unsubscribed.  Besides, if I
really want to read anything about him I get the Gibraltar Digest. :-)
Since most of the groups I want to discuss have mailing lists which I
subscribe to the music newsgroups don't get a very close scan. :-)

(The exception is the Rush mailing list, from which I was driven off by some
of the extremely obnoxious - and just plain noxious - people who responded
to the few contribs I made to it.)

-- 
Michael Rawdon	    rawdon@colby.cs.wisc.edu  [Note new address!]
University of Wisconsin Computer Sciences Department, Madison, WI

Mondays are not part of the productive work week:
	...eight hours and all I did today is compose this memo...
	...actually, it's more like a sentence than a whole memo...
	...and it probably needs a verb to be a sentence...
							- Dilbert
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: Ross Ridge <ross@zooid.guild.org>
Subject: Re: Lurkers...
Organization: ZOOiD BBS
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 21:24:41 GMT

dhardin@spcink.bbn.com (Dawn Hardin) writes:
>Or they may be worried about their co-workers reading what they write here,
>or if they're female, they may have a partially justified fear of the e-mail
>or other attention they might get.

I wish all our female users here had some of that fear.  One of them
recently posted to soc.penpals...  might as well have sendsys bombed her.

							Ross Ridge

-- 
Ross Ridge - The Great HTMU					     l/	 //
								    [OO][oo]
ross@zooid.guild.org						    /()\/()/
uunet.ca!zooid!ross						     db	 //
From: stef@Apple.COM (Stef Jones)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Las Vegas
Date: 30 Aug 92 22:18:56 GMT
Organization: Apple Computer Inc., Cupertino, CA

wjb@moscom.UUCP (Bill de Beaubien) writes:

>Kiran Wagle (kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu) wrote:
>: 
>: I was in Houghton a couple years ago, stayed at McLean.  Beautiful
>: country.  Great cinnamon rolls at the Hilltop in L'Anse, and of
>: course, pasties at Suomi.  And for bridge lovers, the largest lift
>: bridge ever, i think.

>Hunh.  Small world, isn't it?  That makes you the second person from 
>soc.singles that I know has been there, and I'm not sure how close
>Cindy has been/will be on her trip to dah great U.P.

I lived in Houghton for a summer and worked for a couple of guys who would
go to old copper mines with dynamite and blast out chunks of rock; the big
ones they'd sell to museums, the small ones they would turn into jewelry
and critters for the tourists.

One weekend my friend and I camped at Copper Harbor (on the tip of the
peninsula on the peninsula) and *went swimming* in Lake Superior...
*brrrrr* :-)

--
Stef                 After many years of study, scientists have determined  
stef@apple.com       that dogs bark "just for the hell of it." -- Smithsonian
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: aahz@netcom.com (Aahzmandius)
Subject: Re: 'E' Tickets
Date: Sun, 23 Aug 92 18:06:47 GMT
Organization: Bill 'n' Opus for Prez

In article <a2_n-s.greg@netcom.com> greg@netcom.com (Greg Bullough) writes:
>
>Sounds like the recording that they play at the entrance to "Space Mountain."
> 
>(Fun ride, but it's mostly the darkness that's a factor. It'd be pretty
>tame otherwise. Of course, you get used to it after the sixth or seventh
>time in one day.)

Main problem is that 90% of the turns go to the right.  Too predictable.

Urban legend has it that Space Mountain used to have a slightly
different track layout, minus those stupid lights (so it was even
darker), and was therefore a *lot* scarier.
-- 
                         --- Aahz (the *other* Dan Bernstein)
                             @netcom.com 

Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6

"I 'got a life'.  Now what?"
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: tlode@nyx.cs.du.edu (trygve lode)
Subject: Re: Can we can the suck-up bit?
Keywords: encourage friendship?
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 92 20:19:22 GMT

In article <71893@apple.Apple.COM> stef@Apple.COM (Stef Jones) writes:
>intrigue@milton.u.washington.edu (Angelwing) writes:
>
>>A few bad apples - of
>>the feminist type - snarled once too often "I can do it *myself*!" and now
>>there's a whole generation of men afraid to open a door for fear they're
>>going to get smacked!  
>
>Gee, I hadn't noticed. Lots of men of all ages open the door for me if they
>get to it first. (Of course if I get to it first, I open it for them.) 

Now that I think about it, I have to admit that I've never even once had
someone, male or female, object to my opening a door for him or her (not
even my radical lesbian feminist friends).  

>>Angelwing -  I do draw the line at dropping hankies.

Oh, good--I've got too much to pick up around here already. 

>Stef             A cat and his owner see a relationship counselor:
>stef@apple.com   "He doesn't want you to run the vacuum cleaner or 
>                 go out on dates."                      --Nicole Hollander

Trygve    (Despite all the wonderful things I've said about Denver, I
           probably should point out that Denver isn't perfect--the
           Denver Post cancelled "Sylvia.") 
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu (Kiran Wagle)
Subject: Re: How'd You Get Here?? (Was:Lurkers)
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Mon, 31 Aug 1992 00:31:12 GMT

rawdon@colby.cs.wisc.edu (Michael Rawdon) writes:
>I read about 70 newsgroups, though only a few in any depth.  I'm also an
>advocate of the "better newsreaders solves newsgroup volume problems,
>splitting the group does not" philosophy.

I'm of the more inclusive "better newsreaders and more focused
newsgroups solve the news volume problem" philosophy.  For instance, I
don't read rec.music.classical because I want to discuss more, shall
we say, obscure repertoire.  I would support splitting that group
into r.m.c.standard-repertory and r.m.c.interesting.  

Since I never want to read anything about original Trek (been there,
done that) I'm quite happy with the splitting of both r.a.startrek and
r.a.sf-lovers.  

-- 
"Philistine, n.  One whose mind is the creature of its environment,
 following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment.  He is
 sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean, and always
 solemn.".....................Ambrose Bierce, _The Devils Dictionary_

-- 
Kiran Wagle     <kiran@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu>     (812) 335-0420
From: lkahn@mitre.org (Larry Kahn)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: chemistry / love at first sight : fact or
Date: 3 Sep 92 19:45:33 GMT
Organization: The MITRE Corporation

>In article 14407@CERIS.Purdue.EDU, dheisler@CERIS.Purdue.EDU (Dave 
Heisler) writes:
>>     anyone else believe in love at first sight?

>I am not single, but do read SOC.SINGLES sometimes.  This subject caught 
my
>eye.

There's a really good book called A Fine Romance by Judith Sills that talks
about chemistry and love at first sight.  I went with someone for 4 years
that was of the instant chemistry type and the passion never wore off.  
Just kept getting better and better.  Unfortunately, other issues broke it 
up eventually.  I'm currently working on a relationship of the love after 
2 weeks variety and it's great so far.  So yes, these things do happen,
                     Larry

   -----------------------------------------------------------------------
   | Larry Kahn                       |                                  |
   | The MITRE Corporation            |   BE REASONABLE. DO IT MY WAY.   |
   | lkahn@mitre.org                  |                                  |
   |---------------------------------------------------------------------|
   |  These opinions may not coincide with my employer's (not that they  |
   |  pay any attention to an insignificant lackey like me, anyhow).     |
   -----------------------------------------------------------------------