From: friedman@adena.cis.ohio-state.edu (Mark "Crimson" Friedman)
Subject: Re: LNH/LNV/BoENV continued....
Keywords: splunge!
Organization: NAIVE - New And Improved Virtual Environment
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 1992 21:11:21 GMT

In article <1992Sep6.031019.19832@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> dvandom@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (David VanDomelen) writes:
>     Sig Lad reappeared at posting 60087 and began to work his way to the 
>present, absently noting that Netlurker had lurked off somewhere else...

	Little did he know that Netlurker had been kidnapped by...

			THE REDISTRIBUTOR!

	"Whaddya mean, 'rec.arts.comics.misc was never right for
you?'"  Netlurker pounded both fists down on The Redistributor's desk.
"I though it was entirely appropriate!"

	Redistributor chuckled, "Ahhh, but you are *sooo* naive,
Netlurker.  You *must* understand that rec.arts.comics (*sans* the
'misc' suffix, mind you) has a *much* greater readership!  It's where
your audience is, boy!"

	"But rec.arts.comics.MISC was the *right* thing to do!  RAC
will have it's 'going out of business sale' at the end of the month."
Netlurker gestured grandly with his hands, "Thusly, readership should
be ushered to RACM as soon as possible in order to make the transition
as smooth as possible!"

	Redistributor chuckled again.  "Sorry to tell you this, son,
but your title has been sold to us."

	"WHAT!?!?  Say it ain't so!  Mr. Friedman would *never* step
over the lines of Netiquette and Protocol in order to further his own
goals..."

	"Alas, but he did," Redistributor grinned evilly, "Mark
Friedman, aka Klone Crimson, has two major weaknesses.  ONE!"  He
threw his hands into the air and thunder BOOMED!  "One, he has the
Writers Drive.  This entails getting his fiction onto as many
newsgroups and forums as possible...and as many times as necessary!
Fool!!!", thunder BOOMED again, "why *else* did you think he reposted
all *21* issues of his 'Three of a Perfect Pair' story, wasting *megs*
of bandwidth on alt.cyberpunk.chatsubo!!!"

	Netlurker scratched his chin thoughtfully.  "This is true.  I
kinda of thought that was in poor taste..."

	"Ahhh!  You begin to see the light...TWO!" BOOM! "Two, he has
the pitiful fear of having his grammar and spelling mistakes seen in a
world-wide distribution!"

	"<GASP!> Surely you refer to my transpostulization of 'Acton
Lord' into 'Lord Acton' in my Issue #1 on RACM!"  He balled his fists,
clenched his teeth, "Blast his vainglorious pomposity!!!"

	"BWAHAHAHA!!!"  Redistributor laughed maniacally at the
breaking of the quintessential backbone of Usenet: the Quiet
Newsreader!  "Yes, yes, Netlurker, even Mr. Friedman has his
weaknesses..."

	Netlurker fell back into his chair and buried his face in his
hands, disillusioned by the sell-out of his *own* creator.  "So, what
is to become of me?"

	Redistributor folded his hands and sat back in his chair, "You
will be banished to the realm of RAC (sans M) for the remaining
duration of its lifespan.  Upon its removal, you will become a Free
Agent, and may return to RACM if you like."

	Netlurker looked up warily. "That's not so bad...but what's
the catch?..."

	"Your Issue #1 from RACM will be reposted to RAC, *including*
changes made by my associates..."  He gestured to the door.

	Netlurker spun around in time to see...

				SPELLCHECKER

				    and

			       THE RE-EDITOR!

	"Blast you fiends!" Netlurker sobbed.

	Redistributor laughed again.  "Ahhh, but you'll never know
what happened, Netlurker.  In your mind it'll be as if this never
happened.  Now, we shall begin..."

			OPERATION: SECOND EDITION!!!

	|	|	|	|	|	|	|	|

Netlurker remained unsure of where to place his loyalties.

The Legion of Net Heroes and The Legion of Net Villains both commanded
great power and were simultaneously mounting hardened assaults in
order to purge the ever so gradually tainted Industry of Comicdom.
Though normally at odds, the two disparate groups seemed to be driving
towards the same goal.  As they approached the summit from opposing
directions, Netlurker wondered who would lay claim to the remnants of
the battered battlefield.

"At least the Industry *will* be saved," he repeated to himself,
hoping, whishing, nay, *praying* it would come to pass.  Perhaps
it could: but at what cost?

The Industry's problems had become quite abundant.  Rogue Publishers
sprang from nowhere like festering corpuscles emerging from an
apparently healthy outer shell.  Mutating and cancerous, the trend
absorbed talents designated as "Fan-Favourite", dragging them by their
egos and pocketbooks into a small, dark room marked "Big $ales".

"Curse them!" Netlurker cried.

He himself was drawn forward by Rogue Publisher promises of "copyright
to the Artist".  Surely, art should remain with the Artist, untethered
by the infamous Marketing Department.  The Department's unwholesome
weapons of Advertising Hype and Crossover Craze surely must be
stopped!

But, alas, they remained unchecked.  Soon the Artists proclaiming
"Creative Freedom" and "Character Ownership" were lured down from
their soapboxes by royalty checks.  Their minds overwhelmed by Sales
Figures, the Once-Righteous Artists became self-serving profiteers.

Netlurker wept at their absorption, but continued to work for their
emancipation.

Another particular perturbence of paramount proportions was the sly
Fanboy King.  The King was particularly pernicious in the fact that
his powers corrupted young minds.  Simple children (and, sadly, even
older folk as well) were lured into his shadowy embrace with baubles,
gimcracks, and gewgaws.  Recent years had seen the rise of Multiple
Covers, Bagged Editions, and Trading Cards.  The King's snares sat in
plain view, prominently displayed in every local Comic Shop.

Netlurker wept, "The children, please, *not* the children..."

But it was too late, and by years so.  Shiny, flashy graphics reached
out and snagged the children gently by the optic nerves.  Bright
colours pulled them in steadily, whilst placing blinders on the victim
as to prevent them from stealing a glimpse of a [GASP!] black and
white comic!

"So much style without substance, so much stuff without style..."

Hook, line, and sinker, the easily influenced children were pulled in
by pap, sweetness, and light.  Candy for the eyes had them salivating
Pavlovenly as they set their weekly allowance on the sales counter.
Stimulus, response, metamorphosis: the previously innocent child is
infected, becoming a *Fanboy*.  The King's new servant then spreads
the disease to his friends, uttering diabolical phrases such as "you
*know* you want to", "it'll make you feel good", and "everybody's
doing it!"

Tears still streaming down his face, Netlurker growled through his
clenched teeth, "Damn the Shop Owner!  *How* could he let it happen?"

But could, should the Owner be blamed for the problem.  No, he was
just a simple pawn of the Industry.  And what of the King?  Who was he
working for?  What was his goal?  Indeed, it seemed the Fanboy King's
strategy would eventually topple the Industry.  However, Marketing
Departments thrived on his minions, attaching themselves like leeches
and lampreys to the soft minds of subtly warped Fanboys.

"Could they be working *together*?" Netlurker mused.  Indeed, both
profited by the conversion of Fanboys.  However, as the trend
continued, the Industry would become bloated, eventually bursting like
an expired Zit on the Ass of Society.  Marketing's short-sighted
profit-mongering would also become it's own demise: how ironic.

Still there existed two more Enemies of the Industry: Collector and
Speculator.  These nefarious consumers were solo acts.  Collector
greedily snagged everything he could find.  Then he'd apply his
personal weapon: the Mylar Bag!  This devious invention kept the Art
away from damaging sunlight, as well as casual readers.  Collector
himself is a major target of the Fanboy King's own tools such as
Multiple Covers and Bagged Editions (natch).

Speculator is perhaps the most evil player of all.  He's simply "in it
for the money" and is rumoured to have no love for the medium itself.
Gathering multiple copies of reported "hot" comics (Netlurker cringed
at the Marketing Department's power-word), Speculator proceeds to sit
on the comics, hoping they rise in value.  He himself also preys on
Fanboys and the Collector as well.

So, were The Legion of Net Villains truly the evil ones?  Netlurker
thought not, and strongly believed that "Brotherhood of *Evil* Net
Villains" was surely an inaccurate moniker.  Whilst the LNV lusted
after domination of the world, and thus the Industry, they certainly
didn't desire its destruction.  His own confrontations with Acton Lord
had told him that much: the LNV was as much concerned with the
Industry's survival as he was.

On the other hand, the Legion of Net Heroes was also working for the
Industry's liberation.  However, their sense of self-righteousness
turned Netlurker against their ways.  Many of their tactics were just
as questionable in that they called for a herd mentality: "Fanboys are
bad, thus Fanboy titles are worthless and of no artistic value."  Such
wretched proclamations made Netlurker retch!  Blind Faith, no matter
for *what* the cause, was EVIL!

Netlurker remained unsure of where to place his loyalties, but at the
moment felt himself closer to Acton Lord's cause.  Over time he'd
developed an increased sense of sarcasm on cynicism.  Once optimistic
of the comic world, he found himself jaded, upset at what Marketing
had done to the Industry.  Something had to be done, quickly, and if
it had to be carried out with a Villain's ruthlessness, then so be it!

But for now he waited, waited at his small terminal located in the
sterile, overcrowded machine room of a major American University.  He
had his super-powers at hand: Internet Access, Threaded News Reader,
Kill Files, and Anonymous Posting.

Netlurker smiled ferally through the mysterious shadow that always
seemed to follow him around.  He was confident that the quiet observer
such as himself and the thousands of other Netlurkers patrolling the
streams of electronic data in the Net would prevail.  They would post
in quality, not quantity, only occasionally finding the appropriate
moment in time to make careful stabs at the unprotected joints of
faulty posts and flames.

Netlurker continued his duty, monitoring the movements of the Legions.

						- Netlurker

-- 
Mark "Klone Crimson" Friedman is friedman@cis.ohio-state.edu .................
"There is nothing former   "Beat poets,    "If you put a hungry ferret in your
 about King Crimson."       not children."  trousers, he'll run around..."
 - Robert Fripp, 5/11/90    - anonymous     - Nigel Tufnel (Spinal Tap)