HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: scarter@almaak.usc.edu (Steve Carter)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Burma Shave
Date: 5 Nov 1992 16:11:29 -0800
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: almaak.usc.edu

In article <cJJ9sB1w164w@cellar.org> zim@cellar.org (Bill Zimmer) writes:
>Does anyone remember the Burma Shave road signs?  What were some of the
>sayings?
>
>------
>zim@cellar.org (Bill Zimmer)
>The Cellar BBS - (215) 654-9184


Beneath this slab
John Brown is stowed
he read the signs
and not the road 

Burma Shave

(This is thanks to my Statistics professor, who claims to
have an entire tome of thes at home....)

SRC



Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: VSLARRY@WEIZMANN.WEIZMANN.AC.IL (Larry Israel)
Subject: Re: English-German motoring terms
Organization: Mail to News Gateway at Wang Labs
Date: Thu, 5 Nov 1992 20:16:05 GMT

How about the famous German car magazine, Zeitschrift fur Krankshaft und
Gearshift?
Xref: sparky rec.humor:33600 rec.humor.d:2627 alt.folklore.computers:16132
From: norlin@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu (Norman Lin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.humor.d,alt.folklore.computers
Subject: Re: base -2 arithmetic (was: Re: Trinary)
Date: 12 Nov 92 05:18:40 GMT
Article-I.D.: constell.BxL834.GDv
Organization: Engineering Computer Network, University of Oklahoma, Norman, OK, USA

xyzzy@mertwig.UUCP (Daniel Drucker) writes:

>No way. Base means how many different symbols are used, and thats still 2 
>symbols, 0 and 1. Anything less than base 2 is impossible as there is no 
>contrast. 

I missed the first part of this thread, so forgive me if this has already
been said: for strictly positive numbers, I think base 1 is suitable:

1: 1
2: 11
3: 111
4: 1111
5: 11111
... ad nauseum.


Norman
norlin@mailhost.ecn.uoknor.edu
From: patm@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Pat Murphy)
Date: Wed, 4 Nov 1992 23:04:58 GMT
Subject: Re: Bumper Snickers
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA
Newsgroups: rec.humor



a recent decent political bumper rumper is:

	If you don't like BUSH, you're a homo.


...:-)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: el8g@kelvin.seas.Virginia.EDU (Erez Liebermann)
Subject: Re: Wanted: List of Deep thoughts!!!
Organization: University of Virginia
Distribution: na
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 19:16:18 GMT

In article <1992Nov6.010720.27183@hubcap.clemson.edu> sdarive@eng.clemson.edu writes:
>
>Could someone please e-mail me the list of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.
>
>Thanx in advance.
>
>-Siva
Me too please
erez@virginia.edu
From: ericf@npic.Corp.Sun.COM (Eric Francis)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Date: 9 Nov 92 22:16:45 GMT
Article-I.D.: jethro.lftoqdINNlma
Reply-To: ericf@npic.Corp.Sun.COM
Distribution: world
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
NNTP-Posting-Host: npic.corp.sun.com

In article 5777@rosie.NeXT.COM, burkhold@next.com (Thomas Burkholder) writes:
>  <Stuff Deleted>
>This is the way I heard it-
>
>Where the men are men, and the women are men, and the sheep are nervous.
>
>-thomas
>(I don't speak for anybody.)


Back at the University of Michigan we had a saying:

Nine out of ten women in the Big Ten are beautiful.  The tenth one goes to Univ of
Michigan.

Eric
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes
From: 890530m@dragon.acadiau.ca (Darren MacKenzie)
Subject: Re: Car Acronyms
Organization: Acadia University
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 03:55:58 GMT

rsuberg@lonestar.utsa.edu (Richard H. Suberg) writes:

>I've seen ALMOST all makes--but still not NISSAN, TRIUMPH, or CHRYSTLER.
                                                               ^^^^^^^^^

Chrysler.  Maybe it's because people can't spell it properly!!
-Doc

-- 
=============================================================================== The Commodore Amiga 4000 - 24 bit          16,777,216 colors (4096^2)!!         ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Buster: "Say goodnight, Babs."                                                 
Babs  : "Goodnight, Babs."                                                      I'm tiny, I'm toony, and I'm a little looney!                                   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Darren MacKenzie                                                                ("The Doctor")                                                                  890530m@aucs.acadiau.ca
===============================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: morin@noao.edu (Marg Morin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes
Date: 9 Nov 92 22:01:27 GMT
Organization: National Optical Astronomy Observatories, Tucson AZ

In article <196440002@hpubvwa.nsr.hp.com> guyh@hpubvwa.nsr.hp.com (Guy Hyde) writes:
>"No matter where you go, there you are!"

from Buckaroo Bonzai!

-- 
 MARG MORIN  "Call me M"		(morin@noao.edu)  
	aka: The Seeker   		 AURA/NOAO Tucson, AZ
--------------------------------------------------------------------
 "I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body" - Elaine Boosler 
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade
From: pmartz@dsd.es.com (Paul Martz)
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Reply-To: pmartz@dsd.es.com (Paul Martz)
Organization: Evans & Sutherland Computer Corp., Salt Lake City, UT
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 92 15:23:27 GMT

Greg Alt writes:
>Paul Martz writes:
>>Greg Alt writes:
>>>Daniel M Silevitch writes:
>>>>Seth L. Blumberg writes:
>>>>>Matt Welsh writes:
>>>>>>Michael L. Kaufman writes:
>>>>>>>This is all very funny, but haven't you people ever heard of the
>>>>>>>concept of trimming? Do we actually need to see the same 50 or so
>>>>>>>lines over and over again?
>>>>>>Ever hear of a cascade? *grin*
>>>>>No, I haven't.  What's a cascade? ;-)
>>>>BTW, this is not a true cascade. True cascades consist of all 
>>>>one line posts that end in rhymes.
>>>They do not.
>>Sometimes they do.
>No they don't.
Do so.
-- 

   -paul	pmartz@dsd.es.com
		Evans & Sutherland
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: veen2976@mach1.wlu.ca (veenstra christopher)
Subject: Re: You know you are a hacker when...
Organization: Wilfrid Laurier University
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 14:10:26 GMT

>
>> >  I must not be a hacker... I don't even understand the joke!
>> 
>> Ok, how about this?
>> 
>> 3735928559
>> 
>> HaHaHa
>> 
>> Brian
>
>Umm ... you told it very, very badly. :-)
>
>Matthias.
>
What?  Are you kidding???
After I heard that one, I just couldn't get off the floor and stop
laughing!!!  Of course, his timing was a little off but I forgive him for
that.

Chris

ps.  73655893.5

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mbfarah@isluga.puc.cl (Miguel B. Farah)
Subject: HOLY GRIAL 05/05 (again)
Organization: Pontificia Universidad Catolica de Chile
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1992 17:44:59 GMT

I'm posting this again for a person that could not receive it - I tried
to mail this to him and simply could not.
Here it is:


from puc.cl!isluga!mbfarah Fri Nov 13 14:47:01 1992
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: markey@pntbll.cxn.dec.com (Ron Markey)
Newsgroups: freenet.rec.sf.startreknew,rec.humor,rec.arts.startrek.misc,rec.arts.startrek,rec.arts.startrek.current,rec.arts.startrek.fandom
Subject: Re: Brent Spiner (was Re: ST:TNG POLL RESULTS)
Date: 2 Nov 92 20:33:07 GMT
Reply-To: markey@pntbll.cxn.dec.com (Ron Markey)
Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation

>>Did you hear that Brent Spiner (who plays Data) was making a personal
>>appearance somewhere and he told the gathered crowd that he would be glad
>>to answer any and all of their questions as long as they avoided two
>>subjects:  Star Trek, and his personal life.

>This doesn't surprise me at all.  According to the person who interviewd
>him (and all the majors, I believe) when the show first began, he is an
>INTENSELY private person who is extremely uncomfortable about being
>interviewed.  That explains his hesitance to talk about his private life,
>but before i make a judegment on the ST ban, I'd like to know where he
>was making the appearance.  I understand that he's been doing more cons
>lately, so that's a likely bet, but I don't want to comment without knowing
>for sure.

He said this at the last StarCon in Denver last month. It was a joke!!  He 
looked serious for a second and then smiled.  The thing that makes it
obvious (at least to me) that it was a joke was that he included Star Trek
in the list to avoid. Yeah, right, like there was much else a crowd of
rabid trekkers was going to ask. Spiner has a great , wry sense of humor.
--
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: terjej@edb.tih.no (Terje Johansen,o90b)
Subject: Re: Return of the Swedes
Posting-Front-End: Winix Conference v 92.05.15  1.20 (running under MS-Windows)
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 03:42:36 GMT

In article <1992Nov10.094601.2291@linkoping.trab.se>, ath@linkoping.trab.se (Anders Thulin) writes:


>In article <1992Nov07.152508.3488W@viper.edb.tih.no> terjej@edb.tih.no writes:
>>Swedes are funny guys...
>
>Most independent observers would disagree with you. Swedes are *not*
>funny.
>
>-- 
>Anders Thulin       ath@linkoping.trab.se 	013-23 55 32
>Telia Research AB, Teknikringen 2B, S-583 30 Linkoping, Sweden

Hehehehe....hei hei soeta bror....

Swedes ARE funny. Not as joke tellers, thought, but in the way they
react to things....like jokes...

-- 
Terje Johansen at Trondheim College of Engineering, Norway.

Bury me deep. The next generations will be hungry.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dennisp@kpc.com (Dennis Preston)
Subject: Re: I don't get 10/28 Far Side
Organization: Kubota Pacific Computer Inc, Santa Clara, CA
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 17:35:18 GMT

In article <1992Nov11.150326.15911@engr.latech.edu> waa@engr.latech.edu writes:
>
>About Broca`s brain:   Carl Sagan wrote a book called Broca`s Brain.
>
--And in this book he occasioned to actually meet Broca's Brain (in a jar)


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jinxiong@cs.ucf.edu (Chen Jinxiong)
Subject: Re: Deer Jokes
Organization: University of Central Florida, Orlando
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 20:32:06 GMT

In article <BxInHB.9Kz@andy.bgsu.edu> tligman@andy.bgsu.edu (thomas ligman) writes:
>In article <BxH8H5.5Ky@inews.Intel.COM> edunn@gomez.intel.com (Edward Dunn) writes:
>>
>>What do you call a deer with no eyes and no penis?
>>No Fxxxxxx Idea
>
>and don't forget
>What do you call the same deer with no legs?
>Still no fucking idea
>          ^^^^^^

and when you drive the same deer: 
	F****** still no idea

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jamesp@cory.Berkeley.EDU (Jim Peroulas)
Subject: Re: pickup lines (PARENTAL ADVISORY:EXPLICIT LYRICS)
Organization: University of California, at Berkeley
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 03:37:08 GMT

In article <dsblack.721520208@vincent2.iastate.edu> dsblack@iastate.edu (Vilkata TDK) writes:
>Here are a few I heard:
>
>"Nice shoes; wanna fuck?"
>
>"Wanna come over for cheeseburgers and sex?"
>("No!")
>"What's the matter?  Ya don't like cheeseburgers?"
>
>And here's one that some idiot actually thought was a good line:
>"Pardon me, ladies, but would you like to see my room?  I've done some really
> neat things with it!" (refers to dorm rooms)
>
>Sheesh...

"Do you have any Greek in you?"
"No..."
"Would you like some?"

					-JP


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: carter@ncrcol.ColumbiaSC.NCR.COM (Carter Edmonds)
Subject: Re: You know you are a hacker when...
Organization: NCR E&M Columbia SC.
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 92 21:30:36 GMT

John Orr writes:
>In article <BwxwL0.Eu3@news.cso.uiuc.edu> irvine@uxh.cso.uiuc.edu (Brent Irvine) writes:
>
>>You know you are a hacker when...
>>        1. fad isn't fashion, but 4013.
>
>Brent, 
>  I must not be a hacker... I don't even understand the joke!

Interpret 'fad' as a hexadecimal number.  0fad in hex = 4013 in base 10.

Wait.  This must mean I'm a hacker.  Oh my God!  
I can't be; I have a girlfriend.  Is Star Trek on?  Picard/Riker '92.
Why won't Data give interviews?  Damn, the snack machine is out of Doritos.
Where are all the GIFs of naked women-can't somebody post a list of ftp sites?
It's 3 am; I'll write one more module and call it a night.
Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiih!!!  Somebody save me!!!!!!!!
-- 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Help, I'm being repressed!  Now we see the violence inherent in the system! 
carter.edmonds@ColumbiaSC.NCR.COM (Carter Edmonds)             -Monty Python
..!uunet!ncrlnk!ncrcae!carter.edmonds	...!gatech!hubcap!ncrcae!carter.edmonds
From: v140pxgt@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (Daniel B Case)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Airline acronyms and names
Date: 12 Nov 92 21:31:00 GMT
Article-I.D.: acsu.BxMH4E.61o
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41


	The thread on car names is going so well I thought I'd take the liberty
of starting one for airline acronyms and similar joke names. I have many, but 
you may certainly want to add some.

TWA-Try Walking Across
Teeny Weeeny Airlines

DELTA-Don't Even Leave The Airport

EL AL-Every Landing Always Late

PIA (Pakistan India Airways, the official airline of Pakistan (surprise))
Please Inform Allah

Northwest Orient-Northworst Disorient
(personal experience helped for that one)

Air France-Air Chance

These are all I can remember for the moment. Contributions are welcome.

						Dan Case
						V140PXGT@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu
						Prodigy: WDNS15D
						GEnie: DCASE.10

		"A prohibitionist is someone you wouldn't want
		to drink with, even if he did drink."-H.L. Mencken
From: ralf@fester.dell.com (Raymond La France - X2787)
Subject: Re: Car Acronyms
Reply-To: ralf@ioscc.neosoft.com
Organization: IO SpecialistsConsulting
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 18:54:54 GMT

brat@access.digex.com (Brat Wizard) writes:



>F O R D  --  Fucked On a Real Deal

>Brat


Fix           Found    Poor
Or            On       Old
Replace       Road     Nigger
Daily         Dead     Thinks
                       It's
                       A
                       Cadillac
--
Ray LaFrance               | Don't sweat the petty things --
ralf@ioscc.neosoft.com     | pet the sweaty things!
(303)673-2787              | (Y)  (Y)  (Y)  (Y)  (Y)  (Y)  (Y)
W.W. Kemmerer Consulting   | (The usual disclaimers apply...)
From: isc30176@nusunix1.nus.sg (CHEN JIA TYAN)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Green Golf Ball Joke
Date: 13 Nov 92 10:12:42 GMT
Organization: National University of Singapore
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]

> What is the deal with this Green Golf Ball joke?  I've seen it mentioned
> several times now, and I would really like to read/hear it.  If there's some-
> thing obscene or something about it, fine, but could somebody PLEASE PLEASE
> PLEASE mail it to me?  I promise I won't be offended.....

Me too!
I'm beginning suspect somebody made this up.     
--
CHEN JiaTyan
isc30176@nusunix1.nus.sg
chenjiat@nusdiscs.bitnet
From: curtis.repen@canrem.com (curtis repen)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Secretly Wishing... (was:Feminist Jokes)
Date: 5 Nov 92 17:16:19 GMT
Reply-To: "curtis repen" <curtis.repen@canrem.com>
Distribution: rec
Organization: Canada Remote Systems


In article : <Bx5wy1.GxE@news.cso.uiuc.edu>
        in : rec.humor
             jchason@s.psych.uiuc.edu (Julie Chason) writes:


JC>that whatever is contained in these novels reflects the True and Natural
                                                           ^        ^

JC>Contents of the minds of women.
   ^


Drieux, Drieux, is that really you?? You've *changed*  :-)


curtis.repen@canrem.com ----  Senna !!! --- Vancouver ---- Go Leafs, Go!
repen#controls.husky.on.ca     __ o___-=     Canucks       And take Bob
repen@redline.(fnord)uucp    _/o-`==O/       in '93!       Rae with you!

 * DeLuxe2 1.25 #437 * 
--
Canada Remote Systems  - Toronto, Ontario
World's Largest PCBOARD System - 416-629-7000/629-7044
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 92 4:30:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Keywords: smirk
From: zaphod@ctrg.rri.uwo.ca (Lance R. Bailey)
Subject: daffynition
Organization: University of Western Ontario


Irony: Millie Vanilli on a Karaoke machine.

--
Lance R. Bailey  System/Network Manager         Robarts Research Institute
     NeXT/email: zaphod@ctrg.rri.uwo.ca    box: Clinical Trials Resources Group
            fax: +1 519 663 3789                P.O. Box 5015, 100 Perth Dr.
            vox: +1 519 663 3787 x4108          London, Canada N6A 5K8
--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.

This newsgroup is sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp.  The "executive
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Date: Thu, 12 Nov 92 19:30:52 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Organization: University at Buffalo
From: V120QLDP@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (PATRICK FERREL)
Subject: government mathematics
Keywords: original, smirk

This is original and a true story.

Today in my Mathematics class we were talking about infinity as a limit.  One
student had trouble understanding this problem:


                      5x - 3
                lim   ------
               x->oo    2
                      6x - 2.


The answer is zero.  The professor simplified the fraction by dividing the
numerator and denominator by 1/x which effectively produced this:

                         5
                 lim    --
                 x->oo  6x


The student still did not understand why the limit was 0.  So my professor
decided to go through it very, very slowly.  He said, "What do you get when you 
substitute 10 million for x?  60 million, correct?  What is 5 over 60 million? 
A very small number, correct?"  The class nodded in agreement.  He then said, 
"What do you get when you substitute 100 million for x?  600 million, correct?  
What is 5 over 600 million?  An even smaller number, correct?"  Again the class
nodded in agreement.  My professor decided the coup-de-grace would be to choose
the largest number he could think of.  "What if x is an even bigger number, 
say, the National Deficit?  What is 6 times the National Deficit?"

I couldn't help but say, "Next year's National Deficit!"


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From: jbh55289@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Josh 'K' Hopkins)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Dinosaurs
Keywords: smirk, true
Date: 10 Nov 92 09:30:03 GMT

There's an exhibit called "Dinosaurs Alive" going around the country.  It stops
in various malls for a few weeks and little kids come see the moving dinosaur
models, read about them, etc.  Apparently one group in Tennesee has decided to 
sue the producers of the exhibit for misleading advertising.  They were very 
upset to discover that they weren't showing "real" dinosaurs.

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Please!  No copyrighted stuff.  Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 92 19:30:06 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: bjaspan@athena.mit.edu (Barry Jaspan)
Subject: Only after one thing.
Keywords: original, smirk, sexual


Advice from a mother to her college age, Boston-bound daughter:

"Never go out with an MIT student; they are horrible dates.  More than
any other college men, they are only after one thing:

Sleep."

---
Barry Jaspan, bjaspan@mit.edu
MIT '92
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From: jim@oasis.icl.co.uk (Jim Cheetham x3121)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: The Open Plan Office
Keywords: chuckle, work
Date: 7 Nov 92 00:30:03 GMT


From an anonymous (old photocopy) memo recently found ...

	Keeping A High Profile in the Open Plan Office

Never write a note or memo if you can phone or visit instead - everyone
wants to talk whenever you're ready.

Don't sit down to talk - the accounstic are better the higher you are,
and remember that most people are a bit deaf so SPEAK UP.

Try to talk with _at least_ three people between you and your listener,
so that they don't feel left out.

The very best place for a conversation is in the corridor, beside someone
else's desk. If the corridor is full, try leaning against their cupboard
or hanging over their screen.

Never warn people of your approach by knocking on their desk or cupboard.
People love surprises, especially if they're busy.

The best time to disturb someone is when they look thoughtful or are
concentrating. It's your _duty_ to give them a break now and again.

To make sure that _you_ get regular breaks, never use a "Do No Disturb"
sign. When other people use them they're only joking.

Always hold meetings around a desk. If you book a conference room
everyone will think you've got something to hide.

If the phone isn't answered after four rings, hang on. _Someone_ will
answer it eventually, and they might like a chat, too.

Never divert calls if you're leaving your desk. Your telephone could
get into bad habits.

Try to whistle, hum or tap your fingers while you work. It is a comfort
to others to know that you're still there.

If you have to design the office layout, remember to leave lots of
wide-open spaces so that we can see and hear each other right across
the floor.
-- 
-jim cheetham  <jim@oasis.icl.co.uk> or  <J.Cheetham@bra0116.wins.icl.co.uk>
 International Computers Ltd. ICL BRA01 +44 344 424842 x3121 (ITN 7263 3121)
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Date: Mon, 9 Nov 92 19:30:04 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: sklar@picasso.ocis.temple.edu (Dave Sklar)
Subject: Pedometers [original]
Keywords: original, chuckle, sexual

What does a pedometer measure?

	Little boys.

	Dave

--
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Date: Sat, 7 Nov 92 19:30:03 EST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: lnd@csa.bu.edu (Levin)
Subject: Logicians' jokes
Keywords: smirk


Heard at 1992 Europ. Summer Meeting of Assn. of Symb. Logic. Author unknown.

1. A logician saves the life of a space alien and is rewarded with an offer to
answer any question. After a thought he asks: What is the best question to ask
and the correct answer to it? After a brief panic the alien consults her
computer and says: The best question to ask is the one you just did and the
correct answer to it is the one I gave.

2. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
 But, in practice, there is.

3. Profound Truth differs from simple truth in that the negation of a simple
truth is a simple falsehood, while the negation of a Profound Truth may be
another Profound Truth. E.g. a button with "Life is just as simple as it seems"
on one side and "Life is not as simple as it seems" on the other.
--
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This newsgroup is sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp.  The "executive
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