From: BARANSKI@VEAMF1.NUSC.NAVY.MIL
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: RE: Women and Men's Safety
Date: 7 Jan 1993 19:02:05 GMT
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: remarque.berkeley.edu
Originator: muffy@remarque.berkeley.edu

In <1id7cjINNctb@agate.berkeley.edu> cortese@skid.ps.uci.edu writes:

 In article <1id4svINNbu0@agate.berkeley.edu> andyw@meaddata.com writes:
 >The difference in attitudes and feelings is your responsibility.
 
 If a woman is raped, her feelings and fears are NOT her responsibility and she
 cannot be called to task for them.

True.  It is also true that if I am walking down the street, and I pass near a
woman who has been raped, who's reaction to me simply walking past is fear,
that I am not responsible for her fear.  Her rapist is responsible for her
present fear, not I.  

Her present fear is not 'real' in that it is not caused by the present reality,
but by her past reality which I did not share.  Therefore, her fear is not
'''real''' to me, as it's cause  has not been part of my reality.  Yet, her
fear is both subjectively (*she* really feels fear), and objectively (she
*really* feels fear) real.

The interesting thing about human beings is that they often live their lives
according to their past, instead of the present.  This causes frequent spurious
reactions, but I don't see any alternative.  We each only have one past to
learn from...  Are there alternatives?

...

Supposing that all fear is caused by past experiences of pain, there are two
distinct reactions; avoidance of pain, and what I will call mastery of pain.
There are also secondary reactions; avoidance of fear, and mastery of fear.

Women seem to typically choose avoidance, Men seem to typically choose mastery.
Why is this?  Is it because women experience more pain then men?  I strongly
disagree.  Everyone experiences pain and fear in their lives; I strongly
believe that it is false to say that women experience more objective pain and
fear.  However, it is definitely true that men experience less subjective pain
and fear.  Why?  Because (typically) they choose to master pain and fear, and
while they may suffer the cost, they count the cost worthwhile, and discount or
ignore it.  Once the fear is mastered, and the pain discounted, they have no
subjective reality any more.  In this sense men are typicially worse off, in
that they deny a part of their own reality constantly.

But why do women's and men's reactions typically differ?  Why do some choose
master, and others avoidance?  Training/upbringing?  Yes, but that begs the
question.  The issue of Control seems to be important...  If you feel in
control, or that you can gain control, either of the pain of the situation, of
or your fear; you are more likely to choose mastery.  Boys are typically
trained to try, to do, and to discount pain and fear.  Women are taught
avoidance.

So, what shall we do?  Shall we teach all of our children avoidance, or
mastery?  To experience pain and fear, or discount them?  Should we make our
women into stereotypical men, or our men into stereotypical women?  Each
reaction has their down side.

My preferance would be to teach everyone to experience their pain and fear; to
feel fully and experience their reality fully.  And further to master and
control their pain and fear.  To learn from the past, and yet live in the
present, rether then reliving pain and fear.

Jim Baranski


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