HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Organization: University of Maine System
Date: Tuesday, 7 Apr 1992 21:54:13 EDT
From: <IO20393@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: do I stay or do I go?

  Ok...this may be a little wierd to ask total strangers for advice, but I'm at
my wits end.   I'm a college student, involved in a long distance relatioship.
On a recent visit, my SO informed me that before we left for college  (we were
still seeing each other then) he cheated on me with my best friend!   Since I
had had a one-nighter with a friend while away at school  (which I told him
about)  I let it pass.   However, I realized later that I'm still very upset
about this.  He won't discuss it..."the matter is closed" and all that.  My
problem is not with the infidelity as such, but rather who it was with, and the
continuance of that relationship.  He went home for vacation recently  (I was
at school still)  and while there went camping with my best friend and a couple
other people.  I know that she still wants him, and has no qualms about the
fact that I am supposedly his girlfriend.  I am mad because I feel betrayed
still by both parties, and I also feel that he is trying to "have the best of
both worlds" and is leading her on.   Am I being an unreasonable bitch, or do
I make at least a modicum of sense?   I'm really mixed up over this...

                                             HELP!!     Amy Rae

                        ***And it Harm None, do as Thou Wilt***
From: oldman@coos.dartmouth.edu (Prakash Das)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: do I stay or do I go?
Date: 12 Apr 92 00:54:50 GMT
Organization: Dartmouth College, Hanover, NH

In article <92098.215413IO20393@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> <IO20393@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes:
>On a recent visit, my SO informed me that before we left for college  (we were
>still seeing each other then) he cheated on me with my best friend!   Since I
>had had a one-nighter with a friend while away at school  (which I told him
>about)  I let it pass.   However, I realized later that I'm still very upset
>about this.  He won't discuss it..."the matter is closed" and all that.  My
>problem is not with the infidelity as such, but rather who it was with, and the
>continuance of that relationship.  He went home for vacation recently  (I was
>at school still)  and while there went camping with my best friend and a couple
>other people.  I know that she still wants him, and has no qualms about the
>fact that I am supposedly his girlfriend.  I am mad because I feel betrayed
>still by both parties, and I also feel that he is trying to "have the best of
>both worlds" and is leading her on.   Am I being an unreasonable bitch, or do
>I make at least a modicum of sense?   I'm really mixed up over this...
>

I think you should really let it pass. The fact is no one's perfect,
and if in this case she happened to be your best friend, it was a 
matter of chance. Moreover, he IS still your SO, did admit it and
all that. As for your (best) friend, although she is slightly in
the wrong, I wouldn't really blame her so much as well, because
I feel that when it comes to emotions, we don't really use much common
sense which all of us do possess. I speak from experience having
been at the receiving end of a more personal kind. However, (as
my experience has taught me) you should discuss the matter with him
(even if he doesn't want to), and let him know clearly and
unequivocaly that you wouldn't tolerate any more of this kind. A
relationship can slip away very easily if one is not very firm. A
couple of times (once or twice) is alright I feel since we are
after all humans, but continued doings require a more stiff hand.
 
-PD
(Is it all really worth it? A nice thought to ponder! :-[ )
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: kilroy@gboro.glassboro.edu (Dr Nancy's Sweetie)
Subject: Re: Some general term
Summary: Irrelevant historical account about oil companies.
Organization: Glassboro State College
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1992 02:42:05 GMT


Kirsten Starcher asks for a general term (I recommend `sweetie'), and rules
out `SO' because it:

> sounds like a gas station (Esso -- I think it's only in Canada).

As it happens, this is no accident.  Standard Oil of New Jersey used to
control 86% of the total US oil refining business, but the federal government
filed an antitrust lawsuit and the Supreme Court ordered that Standard Oil
divest themselves of 33 smaller companies that they owned.

This led to a lot of fighting over who got to use the name `Standard Oil', so
the US was divided into little sections and each of the new smaller companies
got exclusive use of the name `Standard' in their particular section.  Outside
their section, they had to use another name (Amoco, Chevron, Sohio, &c).

Well, Standard Oil of New Jersey decided to call themselves `Esso', as in
S-O -- `S-tandard O-il'.  This led to many MORE years of courtroom fighting,
and finally in 1972 they decided to change their name to Exxon.  But outside
the US (Canada, eg) they aren't subject to US rules, and kept Esso in many
places.

So in short, it is exactly on purpose that the name of the gas station sounds
like SO, but accidental that this later became the standard general-purpose
abbreviation for one's boy/girl/gentleman/lady friend.  I prefer `sweetie';
it doesn't have any impersonal acronym feeling to it, and it's already a word
that most people can figure out.


Darren F Provine / kilroy@gboro.glassboro.edu
From: bicker@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Some general term
Date: 15 Apr 92 23:02:42 GMT
Reply-To: Brian.C.Kohn@att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality)
Followup-To: soc.couples
Organization: The Internet

In article <1992Apr11.204835.16197@morgan.ucs.mun.ca> kirsten@morgan.ucs.mun.ca (Kirsten Starcher) writes:
>Most of the discussion has been in terms of couples that are either living
>together, engaged, or practically engaged.  What about just close couples?  My
>boyfriend doesn't really like the term "girlfriend", but "ladyfriend" or
>"womenfriend" have somewhat negative connotations.  "Significant other" takes
>too long to say and sounds too politically correct in everyday language, while
>"SO" sounds like a gas station (Esso -- I think it's only in Canada).
>Anyone have any suggestions?

My .signature says it all...

-- 
Brian Charles Kohn             AT&T Bell Laboratories Quality Process Center
ISO Certified Lead Assessor    E-MAIL: att!hoqax!bicker  (bicker@hoqax.ATT.COM)
    'Hope, not fear, is the most positive advocate of action.' - S.R. Lawhead
                   Stamp Out "SO": "RP" = "Romantic Partner"
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: jona@iscp.Bellcore.COM (Jon Alperin)
Subject: Do you remember - Before you were born
Reply-To: jona@iscp.Bellcore.COM (Jon Alperin)
Organization: Bell Communications Research (Bellcore)
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 92 16:31:30 GMT

50's and 60's aren't my generation, but how 'bout:

Jelly glasses that you could serve drinks to company in
Duncan Yo-Yo (now making a comeback)
When full service gas station attendants asked if they could check your oil

This is all reminding me of my dad's "good ol' days" stories. You know...
the "When I was young, I had to walk to school, uphill both ways, in the
snow, with no shoes, all year long, and had to come back home for lunch
even if we didn't have any food 'cause the icebox needed a new piece of 
ice put in and we needed to put change in for the gas oven".

Kinda makes me wonder what stories we are all gonna tell out kids...

"I remember when...
We had to get up from the couch to change the channel on the TV
We could only see movies in a movie theater (and some of them had balconies)
We never realized that certain TV programs were _filmed_ in black and white
The movies started with a cartoon
There were no TV stations past channel 13
Fast food meant you bbq'ed it yourself

obCouples:The older I get, the more I realize that just as there are those
people that find me attractive that I do not feel the same for, there are
(a few) people whom I find attractive that do not feel the same for me. 
I guess this means that some things were just not meant to be.


-- 
Jon Alperin
Bell Communications Research

---> Internet: jona@iscp.bellcore.com
---> Voicenet: (908) 699-8674
---> UUNET: uunet!bcr!jona

* All opinions and stupid questions are my own *
From: IO20393@MAINE.MAINE.EDU
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Some help, please.
Date: 15 Apr 92 03:11:56 GMT
Organization: University of Maine System

Boy, do I understand where you're coming from...actually, make that where she's
coming from.  I've been on the otehr side of your situation more than once, I'm
ashamed to admit.  To shed a little light on what she may be thinking/feeling
according to my own experience:  When I did/said similar things, I wasn't
necessarily out of love with the other person.  I tended to think of
relationships as consisting of conflict of one kind or another.  Either that
beginning passion, or later on, fighting etc.  I guess the uncertainty was the
 big factor.  Sometimes when a relationship gets stale, it's just very definate
 I didn't like feeling "penned in" or like I was "losing my identity"  etc etc
Sound familiar?   Now that I'm a little more mature (I hope) I can look back an
realize that I just enjoyed the uncertainty and the attention.  Of course, I
prob wouldn't have admitted it then, even though I know I was aware of it.
The only advice I can give you is just to step back and look at what's going
on.  Perhaps she doesn't realize what she wants.  Give her time, but look out
for yourself also.   Sometimes people just need to get something out of their
system or, quite frankely, just grow up!   I wish you all the best in whatever
you do!     amy rae
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: bicker@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality)
Subject: Re: Younger/older/different
Reply-To: Brian.C.Kohn@att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality)
Organization: The Internet
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 23:07:20 GMT
Followup-To: soc.couples

In article <CVCLRGG@ais.org> nal@ais.org (Nancy Leinonen) writes:
>I have never understood the big deal about age differences.  My husband is 7 years younger than I and we are just fine.  In fact, we always joke about the face
>that he is far more serious than I am, and the fact that a lot of people 
>take him for being older than I am.

Robbie (my RP) and I (10 years younger) appear our ages, but we
certainly don't act our ages!  She's the one who pushed us into taking
up rollerblading...

-- 
Brian Charles Kohn             AT&T Bell Laboratories Quality Process Center
ISO Certified Lead Assessor    E-MAIL: att!hoqax!bicker  (bicker@hoqax.ATT.COM)
    'Hope, not fear, is the most positive advocate of action.' - S.R. Lawhead
                   Stamp Out "SO": "RP" = "Romantic Partner"
Xref: sparky soc.couples:1992 soc.singles:10786 soc.women:8792 soc.men:8227
From: williamt@athena.Eng.Sun.COM (Dances with Drums)
Newsgroups: soc.couples,soc.singles,soc.women,soc.men
Subject: Re: Older men and younger women (advice needed)
Date: 9 Apr 92 15:32:24 GMT
Reply-To: williamt@athena.Eng.sun.com (Dances with Drums)
Organization: Sun Microsystems Inc., Mountain View, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: athena

In article <1992Apr9.135930.9530@cbnewsc.cb.att.com> kapa@cbnewsc.cb.att.com (k.a.perkins) writes:
>> thumb for a couple's ages that an article mentioned was that
>> the woman should be half the man's age plus seven.  Using this
>> rule (which should be taken tounge-in-cheek), you were about
>> a year too young for these men.
>> 
>his 2?  I am baffled once again by the wisdom of Esquire. Or perhaps
>E doesn't allow for relationships continuing?
---
	Maybe that is a minimum age for the women?  Besides, they did say
tongue in cheek...  Probably add several grains of salt as well!

-wat-
--
***  Dances with Drums  ***
***    DoD #0492   Steed: Kawasaki '80 750LTD                             ***
:: If pro-choice means choice after conception, does this apply to men too? ::
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: mkoblas@sun422.nas.nasa.gov (Michelle R. Koblas)
Subject: Re: Some help, please.
Followup-To: soc.couples 
Organization: NAS Program, NASA Ames Research Center, Moffett Field, CA
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 92 21:14:30 GMT
Reply-To: mkoblas@nas.nasa.gov (Michelle R. Koblas)

In article <JIVE.92Apr8132555@spanky.ssc.gov> jive@spanky.ssc.gov (Jim Ivey) writes:
>
>> If you love something let it go.  
>> If it come back its yours for life
>                      ^^^^^
>> If is doesn't it never was yours to hold.
>                             ^^^^^
>
>     This saying has always given me a bad taste, because it makes someone
>sound like a possession.  A person shouldn't ever be yours, or mine, or
>anyone's, except their own.
>
>     Jim

Jim,

You should try reading this a different way.  It doesn't have to imply
possession.  How about taking that "yours" (in this context) as short for
"your partner" or something like that?

Just another way of looking at things... ;-)

Michelle
From: thomasg@epx.hscs.umn.edu (Thomas Gasser)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: do I stay or do I go?
Date: 8 Apr 92 14:08:57 GMT
Article-I.D.: epx.thomasg.472
Organization: Department of Neurosurgery, University of Minnesota

In article <92098.215413IO20393@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> IO20393@MAINE.MAINE.EDU writes:


>  Ok...this may be a little wierd to ask total strangers for advice, but I'm at
>my wits end.   I'm a college student, involved in a long distance relatioship.
>On a recent visit, my SO informed me that before we left for college  (we were
>still seeing each other then) he cheated on me with my best friend!   Since I
>had had a one-nighter with a friend while away at school  (which I told him
>about)  I let it pass.   However, I realized later that I'm still very upset
>about this.  He won't discuss it..."the matter is closed" and all that.  My
>problem is not with the infidelity as such, but rather who it was with, and the
>continuance of that relationship.  He went home for vacation recently  (I was
>at school still)  and while there went camping with my best friend and a couple
>other people.  I know that she still wants him, and has no qualms about the
>fact that I am supposedly his girlfriend.  I am mad because I feel betrayed
>still by both parties, and I also feel that he is trying to "have the best of
>both worlds" and is leading her on.   Am I being an unreasonable bitch, or do
>I make at least a modicum of sense?   I'm really mixed up over this...

>                                             HELP!!     Amy Rae

>                        ***And it Harm None, do as Thou Wilt***


I see no problem with your SO staying friends with your friend BUT I don't 
believe that over night camping trips with another couple would fall into 
this catagory.  If it was a large group of friends going and both were part 
of this group I would have less problems with it.  

One thing to consider is that he may not be leading her on.  It could be you 
that he is leading on or both.  I have been involved in many relationships 
some long distance and it is natural for things to happen.  When dealing 
with a LD relationship it is important that both parties have the same goal.
If you would like to get married to him some day and he is not planning to
(or vis versa) a LD relationship will not work.  You must have the same 
goal.  

Good luck

 
Thomas Gasser                                          
(612) 624-4427
Dept of Neurosurgery     
University of MN      
THOMASG@EPX.HSCS.UMN.EDU
From: jclark@sdcc3.ucsd.edu (John Clark)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Younger/older/different
Date: 15 Apr 92 00:51:59 GMT
Organization: University of California, San Diego

In article <CVCLRGG@ais.org> nal@ais.org (Nancy Leinonen) writes:
+I have never understood the big deal about age differences.  My husband
+is 7 years younger than I and we are just fine.  In fact, we always joke
+about the face
+that he is far more serious than I am, and the fact that a lot of people 
+take him for being older than I am.
+
+Oh well... I don' tknow.  I've never been into conventionalities.

For a funny view of older/younger check out the movie "Harold and
Maud". Ruth Gordon makes a great older woman.
-- 

John Clark
jclark@ucsd.edu
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: bicker@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality)
Subject: Re: Ready for marriage?
Reply-To: Brian.C.Kohn@att.com (The Resource, Poet-Magician of Quality)
Organization: The Internet
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 23:14:48 GMT
Followup-To: soc.couples

In article <1992Apr14.172052.18667@casbah.acns.nwu.edu> LYNNE@nuacc.acns.nwu.edu (Lynne D Jeffers) writes:
>I am 33 years old with a four year-old son from a previous marriage.  My 24
>year-old SO and I have been together for two and a half years, living together
>for the past seven months or so.  
>Fourteen months ago my SO asked me to marry him.  I said yes.  We've been on
>hold since then...
>But now I'm starting to get frustrated.  He'll occasionally ask me, "So, you
>want to get married, huh?"  To which I reply, "Yes."  But if I ask him when he
>wants to get married, he tells me he's not ready.  "Eventually" he'll marry me,
>he says.
>My question to you is, What is "ready?"  

It's hard guess what he thinks "ready" is, since that has a different
definition for each person who tries to define it.  I'm ready right
now, ..., er come to think of it she's ready right now, but we can't
find the time. :> giggle.  No that's not true.  I'm not sure which one
of us or maybe it's both of us that are not ready.  The point is not
only can't you look for an answer to your question from people who are
not your SO, your SO himself may not know the answer!  

But the best plan is to keep talking to him.  You may need to reassure
him that you don't mean to pressure (unless you do!) but that you need
the reassurance that discussing it (periodically) brings.  Eventually,
maybe the two of you can work to defining when "ready" is.

-- 
Brian Charles Kohn             AT&T Bell Laboratories Quality Process Center
ISO Certified Lead Assessor    E-MAIL: att!hoqax!bicker  (bicker@hoqax.ATT.COM)
    'Hope, not fear, is the most positive advocate of action.' - S.R. Lawhead
                   Stamp Out "SO": "RP" = "Romantic Partner"
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: nal@ais.org (Nancy Leinonen)
Subject: Re: Younger/older/different
Organization: UMCC
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 92 19:59:28 GMT

I have never understood the big deal about age differences.  My husband is 7 years younger than I and we are just fine.  In fact, we always joke about the face
that he is far more serious than I am, and the fact that a lot of people 
take him for being older than I am.

Oh well... I don' tknow.  I've never been into conventionalities.

--NLH 

From: deannab@hpmwtd.HP.COM (Deanna Bergstrom)
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 22:12:25 GMT
Subject: Re: Re: Re: (Traditional) Sanctity of relationships
Organization: HP Santa Rosa Site (NMD MTA MWTD). - Santa Rosa, Ca.
Newsgroups: soc.couples

Those who would consider anyone who tries to "woo someone else's sweetie"
as scum are making some very questionable assumptions, in my mind.  Such
judgements assume that the one involved with someone else is incapable
of making his/her own decisions.  Assuming we are talking about adults here,
if I make a move toward or show interest in someone who is "attached" and
that person shows interest back, it is her/his OWN adult decision.  Any
assumptions otherwise show a complete lack of respect for the individual's
ability to decide for themselves, whom they want to associate with.

I have shown interest to guys who had a sweetheart or girl friend or SO
and had that interest returned.  Sometimes they made the first moves.
I have found that the subsequent relationships with me don't tend 
to be very stable, and I generally don't pursue them anymore, but
I don't view it as immoral.  What I DO see as immoral is the viewpoint 
that "I am a superior being who can make this type of decision for
someone else, better than they can".

The one thing I WON'T do is get involved with someone who is involved
with a friend of mine.  I put more value on my friendships than that,
because to me, giving up a known quantity (the friendship) isn't worth
the unknown (a potential relationship...but only a potential one).

I assume that the person I am interested in has the ability to make his
own decisions about who he wants to spend time with.  If he DIDN'T have
this ability, he's probably not someone I'd be interested in spending
time with, myself!

--Deanna
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: rfelix@netcom.com (Robbie Felix)
Subject: Re: Older men and younger women (advice needed)
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 92 03:01:41 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Distribution: usa

>In article <1992Apr9.135930.9530@cbnewsc.cb.att.com> kapa@cbnewsc.cb.att.com (k.a.perkins) writes:
>
>   In article <1992Apr8.214737.2635@cbnewsl.cb.att.com>, jlacey@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (james.w.lacey) writes:
>   > 
>   > Esquire magazine recently had some articles on this topic
>	   < older man, younger woman >
>   > somewhat "light" but interesting none the less. One rule of
>   > thumb for a couple's ages that an article mentioned was that
>   > the woman should be half the man's age plus seven.  Using this
>   > rule (which should be taken tounge-in-cheek), you were about
>   > a year too young for these men.
>
Well, we reversed this and it works!

I am 36. My honey is 18 + 7 ( almost! He is actually only 24, But
close enough!!) So I think Esquire was pretty close.....

rf
From: sms@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (steven.m.stein)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Sanctity of relationships
Date: 17 Apr 92 20:13:41 GMT
Article-I.D.: cbfsb.1992Apr17.201341.10125
Distribution: usa
Organization: AT&T

In article <1992Apr16.194413.18972@cbnewsc.cb.att.com> kapa@cbnewsc.cb.att.com (k.a.perkins) writes:
>> In article <1992Apr13.195158.28914@cbnewsc.cb.att.com> kapa@cbnewsc.cb.att.com (k.a.perkins) writes:
>> >In article <1992Apr12.063451.9244@ultra.com>, stcroix@ultra.com (Bill St. Croix) writes:

>> No...I suppose Steve wants a relationship with this woman who he SAW and
>> is interested in.  What interest does he have in this person?  How well
>> does he KNOW this person?
>
>Sorry, I lost the original posting where *Steve* said he had never
>talked to the woman, never encountered her before, never became
>friends or casual acquaintances with her and then felt an attraction...
>I lost the original posting where Steve saw her for the first time
>walking out of the church with her new husband, and grabbed her
>and took her away in his car.  Or maybe you're just extrapolating
>and making assumptions about Steve and filling in blanks in the
>story to make him look bad.  Still says something about you.
>

HMMmmmmmm, funny.......I don't even remember telling him any of that
stuff either.  Funny how sometimes people need to fictionalize 
in order to defend a point that they otherwise are not able to defend.
Why does one feel soooo threatened simple because one other might not
agree?

But, thanks anyway for your defense.  If I ever need a lawyer, I'll call
you.

				Steve
From: eab@uh.msc.edu (Edward Bertsch)
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Some general term
Date: 16 Apr 92 00:44:46 GMT
Article-I.D.: uc.1992Apr16.004446.26274
Organization: Minnesota Supercomputer Center

main-squeeze?
bed-mate?
'my babe' 

all these can be used by men or women, and even by gays I suppose!

--

Edward A. Bertsch (eab@msc.edu)   Minnesota Supercomputer Center, Inc.
Operations/User Services          1200 Washington Avenue South
(612) 626-1571 work               Minneapolis, Minnesota  55415
(612) 645-0168 voice mail

	"Read _MY_ lips: I won't be voting for Bush in 1992"
From: finlay_j@spcvxb.spc.edu
Newsgroups: soc.couples
Subject: Re: Can someone help me?
Date: 10 Apr 92 22:01:22 GMT
Organization: St. Peter's College, US

> I write letters to a close friend often, and I am trying to come up
> with different closings.. I'm tired of the usual ones, such as "Love
> You Always", and "Yours Forever".. if anyone has any that they can
> think of, I would appreciate your help...


How about "sostenuto con amore"  written small above a big music symbol
and several music lines with little bars?

Huh?

Jeff Finlay
Newsgroups: soc.couples