From: dkulkarn@mozart.helios.nd.edu (Dinesh Kulkarni)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian
Subject: BASHING INDIAN MEN AND SOME MYTHS ABOUT INEQUALITY
Date: 17 Apr 92 18:58:56 GMT
Article-I.D.: news.1992Apr17.185856.27070
Organization: University of Notre Dame, Notre Dame


BASHING INDIAN MEN AND SOME MYTHS ABOUT INEQUALITY
----------------------------------------------------


	Yesterday, I pointed out a few flaws in the fashionable trend of
bashing Indian males in U.S. in reply to Neeta Bhate's posting: MAMA'S
BOYS ARE HAVING A GOOD TIME IN THE U.S. I got several notes by email that
expressed strong dislike of the "feminist attitude", their one sided
                                 -----------------
             (quoted verbatim, explanation about the misnomer at the end)

position about equality and the terms that they like to use like "jerks",
"MCPs", "Mama's Boys" etc. These notes and other non-email discussions    
pointed out several points about the myth that male-female inequality
works in favor of men all the time. In our times, sometimes, it is the
exact opposite. These points are largely applicable only to Indians who
have come here to U.S. as students or as white collar employees, who, I may
remind, form a large part of the readership of this newsgroup. The objective
of this posting is NOT to create stereotypes or show disregard to genuine
problems faced by women, or to condone abuse/mistreatment of women. It is
only intended to refute the hollow case promoted by cosy, comfy middle-class
male-bashers who have created an avocation of male bashing (specifically Indian
men in U.S. - the "foreign returned jerks").

	Instead of compiling independently written notes that I received,
I'll summarize some of the orthogonal points. Remember, this is TOTALLY
ONE SIDED. I am NOT making any claims about presenting a balanced view
of the total picture. 

1. Career choice and related pressures: As teenagers, guys are pushed 
   -----------------------------------
towards monetarily attractive professions like medicine, engineering,
management etc. while girls have a better chance of choosing the career/
vocation they like e.g. music, languages, home science etc. I am glad, I
am in engg., but I know guys who wanted to learn music and landed up in
engg. instead due to such pressures; while their sisters happily pursued
music, arts etc. Even the pressure to do well in exams (10th std, 12th std,
other competitive exams) is much higher in case of sons.

2. Women (girls) acting pricey: As many readers might have experienced or
   ---------------------------
noticed, some/many (avoid stereotypes tho') women in engg. colleges in
India and Indian women in Universities in U.S. act very pricey exclusively
because they constitute between 2-5% of the total student/Indian student
population and hence are assured of significant attention.

3. Arranged marriages: All evils (if any) of arranged marriages are blamed
   ------------------
on "foreign returned" men. In reality, many men would much rather find
someone on their own (love marriage) but probably of similar background
(language, food, music, other tastes etc.). However, since arranged marriage
is STILL the norm in India, they are often forced to settle for an arranged
marriage. For someone who is returning after many years and has lost contact
with old social circles from junior college days, the opportunities to meet
members of the opp. sex are at best limited in India.

4. Money-oriented behavior from the bride's side: Those who have read
   ---------------------------------------------
matrimonial ads must have noticed that desired bridegrooms are completely
specified using a set of coordinates that includes salary and quite often
an owned accommodation flag (e.g. should be earning at least $4000 a month
or Rs. 6000 a month and must have a house/flat of his own.). Now tell me
who is treating whom like a commodity ? Where's the concern for the "person"
and the urge for "understanding" ?

5. On the look-out for readymade everything: The oppressed, humble Indian
   ----------------------------------------
brides that are brought here by grisly foreign returned monsters after
marriage typically have everything set up for them. A well-furnished house,
(rented or under owned), a new car, a reasonable amount of savings etc. 
Quite often they don't have to accompany their husbands through the early
period of trials of job-hunting in a recession-plagued economy, living on
a graduate student stipend. For the male-bashers again, I would like to mention
that many nubile women in India are unwilling to get married to someone
who is in the struggling stages.


I have made a few points. Comments/criticism are welcome.
========================================================

Remember, do not generalize/stereotype ! These are observations, not
theorems. Also, they present ONE side - the one that is often neglected.
So PLEASE DON'T CONSIDER THIS AS A PLATFORM FOR CLAIMING THAT MEN ARE
THE VICTIMS AND WOMEN THE PERPETRATORS.  In fact, this victim-perpetrator
view of things is the biggest impediment to equality which requires
a peer-to-peer type relationship. It would be HYPOCRITICAL to
ignore or undermine discrimination faced by women in institutionalized
form. We need to understand what the problems are and not indulge in
a rhetoric against "foreign returned Indian men" or "Pricey Indian
women". Just remember that there are two sides to a coin, maybe one is
brighter and the other one darker (coin or moon).

My use of the term - feminist, in the sense of misandry (the counterpart
of misogyny ?) in yesterday's posting offended some people on the net.
I am sorry for the incorrect use of the term. The statements associated
with that 'class' were intended to refer to male-bashing campaigners and
NOT to equality proponents. 

Dinesh Kulkarni
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian