From: srik@cs.arizona.edu (Srikanth Raghavan)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian
Subject: early morning blues ......
Date: 13 Aug 92 02:07:57 GMT


It was 6:30 am and the blasted alarm rang and as usual I wondered ,"won't this 
thing ever stop working!".  You see looking at my tiny little alarm clock you 
could tell it was in its last leg of life and with a name like "Ginza" you 
would probably think it should have died by now.  The alarm was fixed at 
11 O' clock and I had to adjust the time accordingly if I wanted the alarm to 
go off at 6:30 am. It has been with me for more than five years now and i 
find myself very attached to it. When I am down in the dumps I look at my 
timepiece and it seems to say, "Look at me, you are definitely better off 
than I am, and I am still ticking".  In the  nights when I feel lonely longing
for the comforting warmth of a soft body next to mine (it is that age u know),
my time piece is watching over me with his green eyes, and reassuring me with
his constant tick ticking as if to say, "Hey I am counting, you don't have to
wait much longer!".

He is so special, that I place him on the music system at the head of my bed 
with a good view of the Playboy  that lies perennially open on the bedside table
on which the music system rests. Of late his early morning ring seems to have
lost its vigour and though I know it's due to old age I like to think that he
is trying to tune his vocal chords to the music he listens to everyday. Today
was no different and as usual seconds after it started ringing I turned him 
off. There was cool wind in the air and through the drawn curtains I could see
the palm tree, looking green as ever as though nothing had changed. Coming to 
think of it nothing had changed, I was just a day older. My head felt heavy,
and my mouth tasted funny, as usual the effects of the previous nights beer
and cigarettes seemed to linger for longer than I thought they would. It was
6:45 am now, and i wondered 15 mts of my morning ritual over already. I realised
that I had to get in on time today ie. 8 AM, i had been reaching late for the
past two weeks now. With great difficulty I hauled myself out of the bed, the
bed it seemed always held me in a loving embrace especially in the morning, i 
guess it suffers from early morning urges too.  Bleary eyed I ambled across to
the bathroom tripping over the books I chose to leave strewn over the floor and
cursing myself at the same time. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and
wondered aloud, "Would any girl really want to marry the mess that I am?". It
is at times such as this I realise how comforting the phrase "Who cares!", can 
be.  As my hand snaked out to reach the tooth brush and paste on the shelf 
above I hit myself against the bottom of the metal shelf and the sharp metal
drew blood. It had claimed its umpteenth victim I thought.  After uttering a
thousand and one obscenities, I proceeded to clean the wound. Thankfully it
was a mere scratch.  This does not happen every morning and I thought "maybe
I am not able to handle my drinks properly", "am I growing old?", "should I 
get married? "  These thoughts were enough to drive me to make myself a cup
of coffee. My coffee was simple, a cup of water microwaved for 85 seconds at
high and later a spoon of coffee. I picked up my coffee and went out of the
house to feel the morning sun and also to light myself a cigarette. As a rule
I never smoke inside the house. I don't know if all smokers do this but I have
this wierd habit of watching the tip of the cigarette and as the cigarette gets
shorter I wonder, " I am smoking my life away!".  After the initial shivers 
such a thought sends through your body I say , "What the heck I am enjoying it?".
I look at my watch its 7:15 already. Not much time left! I breeze through the
other morning rituals and by 7:40 I am at the table ready for my breakfast.
God, I hate breakfast, that too at 7:40 in the morning.  I make myself another
cup of coffee and with lots off will power reach for the packet of corn flakes,
add a generous amount of milk whenever I do this I think of my mom saying, "
Drink milk it is good for ur health!", and I think to myself, "this one is for
you mom", i force the first spoonfuls of cornflake down my throat at a furious
pace, soon the bowl contains a large amount of milk with only a few flakes in
it, this I just gulp!  The sensations my stomach experiences immediately after
drinking milk are not easily described, but it is definitely not very enjoyable.
To prevent this I normally stuff myself with any solid food substance, bread 
being ideal.  I took a slice of bread and shoved it into the toaster, a minute
later out it popped, I like it when it goes "pop". I smear it with marmalade
as I hate any jam that is just sweet with no bitter in it. After two bites
that is half a slice I realise I can eat it no more! So i leave the half eaten
slice on the plate, note i do not throw it away, there have been many occasions
when I used to be so tired in the evening and too sick to make myself anything
to eat that the half eaten toast used to be a godsend. Actually i used to like
it more in the evenings than in the mornings coz now it used to be soft and
soaked with marmalade. It literally used to melt in your mouth. Oh! god it is
8 already. I hastily put on my shoes and grab my bike.  In two minutes I am on
the road. The comp. centre. is a mere 5 minutes away and I bike frantically
hoping that my boss is late today and telling myself, "No talking or emailing
to ur friend in Canada, no reading SCI".

I reach the comp. centre and open the door to my room as noiselessly as possible
hoping that my boss next door won't hear  as I had seen her
car parked outside in the usual place. My luck!  just as I was taking the keys
out of my pocket, they slipped and whoa! i was left with an idiot grin on my
face. Instead of my boss coming up to me and saying "Srik so u r in!" I went up
to her office and said "Lovely morning isn't it Joellen!". That done I sat in
front of my workstation and again psyched myself not to waste the morning hours
talking or reading news. "You have newmail" is what I see immediately after 
logging in. As I invoke elm to read mail, I tell myself, " There I go again,
another morning wasted , but again who cares, I like it!".