HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: How long has it been?
Date: 7 Oct 92 09:14:51 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620

In article <1992Oct6.153143.19278@fcom.cc.utah.edu>, PJF4081@CC.UTAH.EDU (big daddy hate box) writes:
> In <1992Oct6.134605.16183@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> mneeley@nyx.cs.du.edu writes:
> 
>> How long has it been since you were kissed by a member of
>> the opposite sex?
>> 
>> 	Mark (almost a year) (EVEN YOUR MOM?)
>> 
> almost two days. i'm not dating either of the people who i could kiss anymore 
> (had to dump them both, i am a loser) i wonder how long this will last? i need 
> to meet this new woman but i am a wimp. 
> 
> 	PJF--->Biochem. grad student.
> 					React with this!

Well, PJF, I was going to call you a loser, but I see you've beaten me
to it. I was going to call you a wimp, but again you've beaten me to it.
Instead I will post a copy of your collected outpourings into talk.bizarre
on the Utah bulletin board in the expectation that, at least, someone who
knows the women you're interested in will tell them, and indeed have
the documentary evidence to prove, what an unattractive and useless 
idiot you are.

Thank you. Enjoy, and have a nice day.

Jason
From: Julian (NB Forever)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: daydreams
Date: 7 Oct 1992 04:53:21 GMT
Organization: Computer Science Department at Rose-Hulman
Reply-To: waldbyjf@nextwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: o233-03.nextwork.rose-hulman.edu

The little boy came upon a platform, which he climbed to the top of
so that he could see what was inside of it. It was rather tall, and
he climbed for nearly three hours. This boy had determination. He
loved adventure.

At last he reached the summit of the great cylinder, and he looked
upon it from the stairway at the side. He found himself looking down
into a small pit filled with starburst chews and coca-cola. Filled!
All the way down to the ground! He set to work almost at once, for
he had fantasized this type of thing for ages! He jumped into the top
of the tower (you or I might have called it a silo) and began
feasting on the pre-unwrapped starburst candies. Mmm Strawberry!!

He ate and ate, lots and lots of candies, pausing only to grab a drink
of the ice cold bottled coca-cola. Only when the sun began to fall
and it began to get dark did he realize what he had done. He had eaten
the floor out from under himself, and was now about 7 feet from the
roof. Now if had been a grown man, perhaps he would have been able to
jump and pull himself up. However, he had a long time and a lot of
eating before he would reach that height.

It didn't bother him though, for this was where he wanted to be. He
had no restrictions here, his bedtime was his choice, freedom. He
nibbled a few more, and then curled up against some starburst chews.

Daytime came, and he felt moisture. He felt shameful. He had wet
himself in the night. Moisture covered some of the candy, making it
sticky and messy. It made him sick.

He didn't want to eat now. He was tiring of candy, he just drank
more coke.

Time came when he had to use the bathroom. A light bulb sprang up!
He urinated in a used coke bottle.

***

The little boy stared at the ground, which had become a sticky,
impenetrable mass. Candy had formed together, and he no longer had
anything to eat. He then turned his head upwards to look at the
overbearing tower of yellow bottles swaying back and forth. It 
would fall soon, he knew, and he would drown . . .

--
* Coca-Cola [tm]
** Star-Burst [tm]
From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Rictus Hep visits Boulder, Colorado
Date: 11 Oct 92 20:59:55 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest)

In article <1992Oct11.193749.10773@netcom.com> chaos@netcom.com (chaos) writes:
>gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) repeats himself in the guise of Rictus Hep:
>>"No, I'm not from Ork.  Why do you ask?"
>
>you have ERRED.  you have repeated yourself in talk.bizarre
>in a stitch of time less than that allowed by periodicity.
>
>if you keep this up, we're gonna figure *you're* Rictus Hep.

Damn...you're right.  I DID post something almost identical maybe
a month ago.  Off to disembowel myself.

Mark., some people think I'm Rictus Hep already
gooley@netcom.com
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rdc@netcom.com (MR. COMMUNIST)
Subject: Re: HICSS Biotechnology Computing Track has been moved
Organization: Soviet Socialist Society, Incorp.
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 17:50:14 GMT

IN COMP.AI hunter@work.nlm.nih.gov (Larry Hunter) writes:
)							       
)		       The Biotechnology Computing Track
)				    of the
)	   26th Hawaiian International Conference on System Sciences
)
)				 Jan 5-8, 1993
)
)  * Computer Support for Genome Mapping and Sequencing

DBASE.


)  * AI Technologies for Molecular Biological Analysis

Excel's Bar and Pie Chart Package.


)  * Protein Structure Prediction

long predicted_structure = old_structure;


)  * Methods for Dealing with Errors and Uncertainty in Molecular Biology
)    Calculations and Databases

error = (float) abs(correct - measured) / correct;
uncertainty = error * phase_of_moon * other_stupid_ad_hoc_function;



...carasso "...in awe of the 20th century."

-- 

IVAN IQTOVITCH,		"WORKERS UNITE  OVER IMPERIALIST PIG"
COMMUNIST PARTY,		--IVATOLI STEPHANIVIC,
MUSMAK DEVISION			  BRAVE MARTAR
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: Artificial mechanisms for tree movement
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 23:05:30 GMT

In <1992Oct15.131035.9398@Princeton.EDU> greg@phoenix (greg Nowak) writes:
>Oh well, if one of the biotech labs has space available, I have an idea...
>I recently learned from some funky French documentary on the World of the
>Ants that, not only can an ant colony determine the shorter of two paths to a
>food source, BUT that ant colonies were capable of solving the Travelling
>Salesman problem. No information on whether they were already solving
>NP-complete problems in polynomial time, but it did start me thinking that a
>little effort might supply us with an Ant-Based Parallel-Processing Computing
>system that was relatively resistant to thermal shock and ran on sugar water.

>Anybody willing to sign up to set it up with TCP/IP?

Why bother?  THEY won't create a newsgroup to allow the maintainers to
converse, will they?
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: 10,000 QUESTION PURITY TEST--PLEASE READ !!!!!
Date: 15 Oct 92 14:05:10 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: Bugs-R-Us

In article <7721@skye.ed.ac.uk> ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk I (Ken Johnson) wrote:

#  I'll do a Chip version for you later today

Here it is: the Chip one-question purity test.  Copyright Ken Johnson
1992.  You may copy and redistribute this code freely, though I can't
imagine why anyone would want to.  However, if you sell copies at a
profit, I want a share. 

:- global yes/2.
:- global no/2.
:- global halt/2.
:- global dk/2.
:- global ws/2.

:- global dismiss/2.
:- global select_up/2.
:- global select_down/2.
:- global selected/2.
:- global deselected/2.
:- global select_drag/2.

:- dynamic frame/1.

go :-
	khs_flag(type,1),
	open_khs,
	new(@F, frame('1 question purity test')),
	assert(frame(@F)),
	new(@D, dialog('dialog')),
	new(@M, menu('Are you a virgin?', check_excl, null_message)),
	new(@Yes, menu_item('Yes',yes)),
	new(@No, menu_item('No',no)),
	new(@Dk, menu_item('Don\'t know', dk)),
	new(@Ws, menu_item('Won\'t say', ws)),
	new(@B, button('Quit program', halt)),
	send(@M, append, @Yes),
	send(@M, append, @No),
	send(@M, append, @Dk),
	send(@M, append, @Ws),
	send(@D, append, @M),
	send(@D, append, @B),
	send(@F, append, @D),
	send(@F, open).

yes(_,_).

no(_,_).

dk(_,_).

ws(_,_).

halt(_,_) :-
        quit_purity_test.

quit_purity_test :-
	frame(@Handle),
	send(@Handle,destroy),
	halt.


select_up(_,_).

select_down(_,_).

selected(_,_).

deselected(_,_).

select_drag(_,_).

:- go.


-- Ken "the AI version asks about stitching" Johnson


-- 
//// Advice to dieters:         ////  Ken Johnson, A I Applications Institute
////   Never eat more than      ////       80 South Bridge, EDINBURGH EH1 1HN
////   you can carry.           ////                 E-mail ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
////              -- Miss Piggy ////     phone 031-650 2756  fax 031-650 6513
From: sol@cogsci.ed.ac.uk (Ana)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Variant
Date: 15 Oct 92 12:28:20 GMT
Organization: Chaos


Without coffee, I'm nothing.
-- 
"Reality is so unspeakably sordid that it make me shudder."
From: curtis@cs.berkeley.edu (Curtis Yarvin)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: oh, gross
Date: 12 Oct 1992 21:38:55 GMT
Organization: CS Dept. Snakepit - Do Not Feed.
NNTP-Posting-Host: moccasin.cs.berkeley.edu

In article <1bcloqINNeu3@fido.asd.sgi.com> cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
>---
>I just got the pop-tab on my Coke can stuck
>in my left nostril.

Worse accidents than that have made couture history.

c
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rigler@galileo.ifa.hawaii.edu (80 Hours)
Subject: Re: Short, shameful sitar
Organization: IFA
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 19:13:05 GMT

ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano) writes:
>I lust for a sitar.
>
>save me

Oh no.  You WILL buy that sitar.  The sitar is one of the greatest,
most expressive instruments ever created by humankind.  I might possibly
rank the guitar almost as highly, but why quibble when you can learn to
play both?  It will not be easy to learn; but the learning process will 
in itself bring untold rewards.  You will meet new people, including dark-
skinned girls with nose rings who know the Kama Sutra backwards and who 
will play your body as though you were a stringed instrument.  You will
meet wise old men with stringy white hair who smoke from a hookah.

It's only 75$!!  What is such a small sum of money -- a minor stretch of 
life's labors -- when compared to the glimpse of freedom that will be yours 
when you play that sitar?  Think of it:  Freedom from the cycle of rebirth, 
a journey to the Infinite, the One Mind, annihilation.  Your karma is on 
the line here, Arthur...

No, I will not try to save you.  Each man must save himself.  Buy that 
sitar.  Learn to play it.  One day, many years from now, you will be 
playing your sitar and will hear a rhythmic accompaniment.  When you
look over your shoulder, you will see me there playing my tabla, and
we will journey together.

I think Krishna said it best:   "ARJUNA!!!  TAKE UP THY SITAR!!!"

Rigler
--
                          "One man's chunks is another man's dry heaves."
                                            -= Jim Moore (a.t) =-
From: by712@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Mark E. Bradley)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: shat or shatner?
Date: 8 Oct 1992 18:33:06 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
Reply-To: by712@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Mark E. Bradley)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc10.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, finerty@msscc.med.utah.edu () says:

>whenever i hear someone say shat, as in i shat upon his head, i always think of
>william shatner. it makes me smile too, so there.

whenever i hear someone say nim, as in WANT TO GO FIRST?, i always think of
leonard nimoy.  i think i'll have chicken wings for dinner.


"HEY--LI'L GIRLZ--WAN' SOME CANDEE--"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: greg@phoenix (greg Nowak)
Subject: Re: France, abrotion
Followup-To: alt.politics.bush
Originator: news@nimaster
Reply-To: greg@phoenix (greg Nowak)
Organization: Baguette Research Systems Inc.
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 18:38:13 GMT

In article <1992Oct7.014947.5386@midway.uchicago.edu>, wag5@quads (john peter wagner) writes:

}The federal government would prevent the father from having any say
}in whether or not HIS offspring, equally as much as the woman's is to die,
}instead giving complete say to the woman.  That is, a man can do nothing
}for his child. It is all in the hands of the woman to kill the child.


Latest judicial news from France:

This couple have a bunch of fertilized embryos frozen , and keep
trying to get Mom pregnant. She does get pregnant once, but there's a
miscarriage!  Before the miscarriage, her husband dies in a car
accident. Now, the couple has signed a  contract saying that the
implantation of the embryo could only occur if the couple was still
married, and death do us part. The company wants to destroy the
remaining frozen embryos, and Mom is suing to recover. The company
explained the marriage provision in the contract by saying "normally,
it's better to have a child raised by two parents." Looks like by all
rights Mom should get them, right? But wait! Here's the lawyer's take
-- their only chance to break the contract, given the nature of French
contract law, is to claim that enforcing the contract would be
_illegal_, since human life begins at conception.  (This is the
planned  line they're going to take). As it stands, abortion is
perfectly legal in France...

What's the ruling, o wise ones?

Rigler? Bizarre enough for you, surfboy?

                                 greg
From: terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (St Theresa of the Net)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: The rigors of keepin up with a younger woman.
Date: 10 Oct 1992 17:20:03 GMT
Organization: Computing Something Division
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <6567@ac13.cs.nps.navy.mil> rpwhite@taurus.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) writes:
>rp -- looks like the Ramones at UC Davis this weekend.


wow. there was a time i'd have the crash reservations made to attend this
blowout.

Heh.


-- 
A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah.   \  (414)CRUSH-13
T. Flynn's Casa de Interesting: 1755 N Cambridge Ave #306 Milwaukee WI 53202    
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rdc@netcom.com (MR. COMMUNIST)
Subject: Re: Masters Thesis wanted Japan
Organization: Soviet Socialist Society, Incorp.
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 02:49:14 GMT

IN COMP.RESEARCH.JAPAN f88hakan@fy.chalmers.se (Hakan Johnsson) writes:
)
)I am d}r sw}dish stutd}nt stutdying math}matics and cmputt}r sci}nc}
)at Gt}brg Utniv}rsity Sw}d}n.  Ya, I wutld lik} t d my Mats}rs Th}sis
)in cmputt}r sci}nc} in Yapan, spring 1994.  Ya, If sm}n} can h}lp m}
)g}t in tutch with instituttins, utniv}rsiti}s, cmpani}s, rganizatins r
)individutals that can h}lp m} find d}r Mast}rs Th}sis pry}ct in Yapan,
)I wutld b} mst grat}futl.


:)
-- 

IVAN IQTOVITCH,		"WORKERS UNITE  OVER IMPERIALIST PIG"
COMMUNIST PARTY,		--IVATOLI STEPHANIVIC,
MUSMAK DEVISION			  BRAVE MARTAR
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.stupidity
From: matmcinn@nuscc.nus.sg (Mcinnes B T (Dr))
Subject: Re: Fathers, abortion
Organization: National University of Singapore
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 04:57:16 GMT

wag5@quads.uchicago.edu (john peter wagner) writes:
: Part of the  genetic coding from an infant comes from the father.
: The federal government would prevent the father from having any say
: in whether or not HIS offspring, equally as much as the woman's is to die,
: instead giving complete say to the woman.  That is, a man can do nothing
: for his child. It is all in the hands of the woman to kill the child.
: He can do nothing to protect it.  It seems the man is the one being
: prevented from chosing the destiny of his offspring by law.  The Republicones
: would simply not have the feds interfere whatsoever in the matter of abortion.
: But the Demos would give complete power to the woman. I would call that
: a female oriented party, much as it was once a white oriented party.

	I have no joke, I just like to say "Republicones".
 :
From: takkyon@dartmouth.edu (Dr. Tachyon)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: wasting time
Date: 7 Oct 92 06:29:51 GMT
Organization: PsiLords of Takis Health Club and Massage Parlor
X-Useragent: Ghostwheel v2.7b5


pushing open the door, the tiny steel bells at the top jingle quietly,
alerting the rest of the patrons to my entrance...walk down the aisles,
poking past bags of chips and cookies, i ignore the high school kids down
by the cooler, feeling their eyes upon my back, not bothering to spare
them a glance.

i push past a slightly overweight middle-aged woman and stop in front of
the display, with the simple four letters t, i, m, e atop it, nothing
more needed or present.  i bend down slightly to pick up a case, the
cardboard rough against my fingertips.  walk back down the aisles to the
front of the store, deposit the case on the counter, flashing a fake
smile at the teenaged cashier.  he rings up the case and i smile again,
hand over a few bills, and stuff the meager change into my pocket.

"enjoy your week, sir." he says as I heft the case from the counter and
head for  the door.   i grin briefly as the door swings shut behind me.

outside, the air is cool, slightly breezy.  an emacieted junkie sees me
leaving and stumbles up to me, babbling, hanging on my shirt sleeve. 
"just an hour, mister?  please, just spare one little hour?  please?"

i yank my sleeve away, pull open the door of my car and slip in, the door
closed again before the pathetic junkie can follow.  his fingers slide
down the window and his eyes go vacant again.  i pat the cardboard case
on the seat next to me.  

i hadn't taken a vacation for a long time.

[concept taken from the casual remark made by a friend whilst we talked
on the phone last night about the difficulty work and money presented in
visiting.  Quoth she, "Money's not my problem.  If I could run down to
the corner store and buy a week, I would."]

		-- dr. "bigger than life and five or six times as bored" t

--
"If only she had loved me!  I might have shone so bright!"
			-- Galadan
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gsmith@lauren.uucp (Gene W. Smith)
Subject: Re: Prime Directive???
Organization: IWR, University of Heidelberg, Germany
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 92 18:21:25 GMT

In article <1992Oct7.011608.22409@awdprime.austin.ibm.com> meo@hostname.austin.ibm.com (Miles O'Neal) writes:
>gsmith@lauren.uucp (Gene W. Smith) writes:
>| The problem of what to do with people
>| who want a metal.gnr group could easily be solved by rounding them all
>| up, shooting them, and packaging the result as dog food.

>I think it was 37

Did you know that 37 is the only prime number p such that Gamma_0(p)++
is hyperelliptic, but nevertheless p does not divide The Monster?

This is why the answer is actually 37, and not 42.
-- 
     Gene Ward Smith/Brahms Gang/IWR/Ruprecht-Karls University 
               gsmith@kalliope.iwr.uni-heidelberg.de
From: bc@apple.com (bill coderre)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Newbie Points
Date: 15 Oct 92 19:35:17 GMT
Organization: Apple Computer Inc, Cupertino, CA


I think the only reason I object to the current crossposting of
political/abortion/drugs flamage into talk.bizarre is that there is no
bizarre content.

Obviously, there's a simple solution to this, and this is where you
newbies come in.

Allyahavetado, my friends, is follow up the offendingly un-bizarre
postings and make them bizarre.

Do it, and you earn valuable Newbie Points.

Do it today.

mr HEINOUS
press the red triangle
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: osa@wilbur.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska)
Subject: Re: C'mon, Alfvaen
X-Advertisement: Use Emacs
Organization: Springfield Elementary School
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 02:07:07 GMT
Comments: Autopsy is a dying practice


"5150" == Wetback With Heartburn <echeverr@scf.usc.edu> writes:

5150> When is [Alfvaen's] "Current Read" going to be 'Huey Hamster and
5150> the Gooey Kablooie'?

Obviously when his current listen is something by Barry Manilow. 

--
The opinions expressed above are my own, and not necessarily those of UNH.
 Cute signature quote by They Might Be Giants: D, world destruction /
  Over an overture / N, do I need / Apostrophe T, need this torture?
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Subject: Re: Frightening t.b Halloween ideas asked for and received
Reply-To: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston)
Organization: SCI Systems, Inc., Huntsville, Al.
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 17:49:57 GMT

In article <1atitpINNfu0@girtab.usc.edu> echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150) writes:
>In article <1992Oct7.011607.4978@asuvax.eas.asu.edu> ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra) writes:
>[horrifying halloween plan]

>Since i wasn't included, i can only conclude i'm not scary.

Yeah. Maybe it was my discussons of thermite in rec.food.cooking that
go me struck from the script....


-- 
Gary Heston    SCI Systems, Inc.  gary@sci34hub.sci.com   site admin
The Chairman of the Board and the CFO speak for SCI. I'm neither.
"...I looked out my window, and saw Kyle Pettys' car upside down, then I
thought 'One of us is in real trouble'." Davey Allison, re: a 150MPH crash
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Imminent dearth of Usenet predicted (Re: jws & "new light")
Date: 8 Oct 92 15:39:08 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620

In article <1b0emuINN981@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu>, al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka) writes:
> 
> In a previous article, bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton) says:
>                        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>J.S. Bach had 15 kids.
>>And one hell of an organ, apparently.
> 
>  bhoughto@sedona.intel.com -- anagram (@=a)
> ************************************
>    Bach's tool, in one tough dame!
> ************************************
> 

Every time I read a Polewka post, I get the impression of a small berk
in flashing glasses, pulling maniacally on a pipe and staring up at my
tall manly form, grinning inanely from ear to ear and trying to look
like he is 6feet tall.

Jason
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:33064 talk.politics.misc:49896 alt.politics.perot:1892
From: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,talk.politics.misc,alt.politics.perot
Subject: Re: Henry Ross Perot -- anagrams
Date: 7 Oct 1992 05:00:08 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Reply-To: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc4.ins.cwru.edu


 dickens@gibson.nacto.lkg.dec.com (Jeffrey Alan Dickens) says:
                                   ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>|>	George Bush - Bush E Gorge
>
>Naw,  
>George Herbert Walker Bush:	Huge, Berserk Rebel Warthog

 Jeffrey Alan Dickens:    Needy Jackal Sniffer

-- 
=======================
"Endeavor to persevere"
=======================
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre