From: anon-1055@twwells.com (m&m)
Subject: Re: First Post, Lost Love
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 22:56:10 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Hi Adam & welcome,
		This forum has really been a wonderful place that has 
facillitated a lot of my healing over the past 4 months - seems like its been
a lot longer!  I'm kind of at a point where for a while I'm done with
the really intense work from the past.  Most of my feelings and stuff are
related to things in the present - its pretty cool to finally get back
to the present after spending the last 17 months buried in the past!

	Now what really triggered me to write.  I just got really pissed when I
read that your partner *needs* to leave the relationship to grow in areas he
cannot grow within it.  IMO people who use that excuse to leave relationships
are running away.  I can see some reasons for leaving even what seem to be
good relationships.  With Shelly & I there were times when we really thought
we might have to go our separate ways (at least I did), because even with all 
thereapy and healing Shelly had experienced, I still triggered her so badly and represented her perpetrator in so many ways - and I was afraid I was both 
emotionally and physically (she physically became ill) bad for her to be around.
We got thru the roughest period by sleeping in different rooms, doing everything
we could think of to minimize the triggering episodes.

	While you don't say much about it it doesn't sound like thats the
situation here.  I just believe with my whole heart that it is in close,
committed relationships that we can most experience healing and growth of 
love within us.  I guess I'm pissed cause there have been so many times over
the past years that I've wanted to just get out - I was tired of trying to 
work so hard to make it work.  But somehow I knew that wasn't the answer and
even though I had to work so damn hard the quality of my life as a result of
that work is awesome.  I want to make sure you know I'm not mad at you and think
you *ought* to do something to fix and preserve the relationship.  I'm pissed at
people that take relationships cavalierly.  This whole area brings up lots of
confusing issues for me, but somehow I believe down in my gut that commiting
myself to someone for life has a tremendous value fo my life and my growing 
in love.

	Part of my reaction also comes from realizing that a very close
personal friend, whos healing journey has been an integral part of my 
healing journey, is probably moving.  And I am feeling an incredible sadness
and sense of loss.  Growing up I very carefully refrained from close friendships
 so this my first real experience with this.  What makes it even harder is that
as part of our friendship we actively worked to let a close friendship grow
between each of ours inner child.  So I guess when it really comes down to it
I'm pretty upset and angry she's leaving.  

Hmmm I'll mull on that one a while ...

fare-Well
m&m



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