From: cjmchale@dsg.cs.tcd.ie (Ciaran McHale)
Subject: Re: BEGINNING BI GROUPS -- INPUT REQUESTED
Organization: DSG, Dept. of Computer Science, Trinity College Dublin
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 15:15:58 GMT

Here's a thread of discussion from last year on soc.bi about starting up
bisexual groups. It might be of some use. (Individual articles are
separated by <CNTL-L>, i.e., form-feeds.)

--------------------------------- cut here ---------------------------------
From: tal@plts.UUCP (Tom Limoncelli)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Building bisexual community in the suburbs
Date: 5 Nov 91 07:01:40 GMT

I've always been impressed with the quantity and quality of bisexual
organizations in the metropolitan areas.  What a group of us in New
Jersey are attempting to do is build community[1] in a non-city.

Initially we wanted to work within the gay community.  There are a
number of strong gay/lesbian organizations around here, but they
weren't what we were looking for or they were not bi-positive.

So, instead we created a small group that could provide certain things
but would recommend that members still go to the other local
gay/lesbian organizations for all the things we could not provide
(i.e. dances, famous speakers, certain kinds of networking, etc.)

So far things have gone well.  We have been meeting twice a month in a
rap-group kind of formation.  These meetings have been going well and
it's good to see people that you know are bi when you go to les/gay
events and organizations.

I am curious, however, if anyone else is attempting anything like this
any place else?  Is there anything that you have attempted with good
or bad results?

Does anyone out there have any experience with building suburban
bisexual organizations?

Thanks in advance, 
Tom 
Footnote: [1] Note, "build community"; we're not carpenters "building
a community". :)
-- 
    Tom Limoncelli -- tal@plts.uucp (play) -- tal@warren.mentorg.com (work)
 "The souls of men and women, impassioned all.  Their voices climb and fall;
   battle trumpets call.  I fill the bath and climb inside." -N. Merchant

From: johnf@ssl.berkeley.edu (John Flanagan)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: Building bisexual community in the suburbs
Date: 5 Nov 91 01:00:52 GMT

In article <TAL.91Nov5020140@plts.plts.UUCP>
tal@plts.UUCP (Tom Limoncelli) writes:
>Does anyone out there have any experience with building suburban
>bisexual organizations?

Well, I have been attending East Bay Bi-Friendly meetings for a few
months now, and while they have been going on for a couple of years,
the whole Bi community still seems to be in a very embryonic stage,
with highly variable numbers of people showing up at the gatherings.
It seems like the whole thing could collapse at any moment.  Kind of
sad, really.   Although I get most of my social support in the gay 
community, sometimes it is nice to check in with other bisexuals to 
compare notes on common experiences, and I would hate to see what few
groups exist disappear entirely.  It is kind of comforting just to
know that they are there.

But to be honest, there really do not seem to be all that many things
to tie bisexuals together.  Conversations are always a hit-or-miss
affair.  Tonight, for example, I went to a Bi-Friendly meeting.
About 7 men showed up and 3 women.  The women all came out of the 
lesbian community, and the men mostly came out of the gay community,
with one married woman and one married man as exceptions.  Nobody
really had anything in common with anybody else, and the group split 
up into the usual divisions:  the men discussed the relative merits 
of different gay bars, and the women compared notes on how their 
lesbian friends handled their coming out as bi.

Now this would have been fine as an unexciting but inoffensive
evening's conversation, but for the unfortunate presence of one man
who started cruising the women heavily.  How this oaf failed to
notice that the women were not receptive to this kind of behavior is
beyond me, but his behavior set up a tension in the group which 
poisoned all chance of the women feeling comfortable around the rest
of us men.  Which is too bad, because after I got bored of debating
whether the bartender at the Mix was on drugs last night, or whether
he was just happy to see us, I really wanted to hear more about the
women's experiences in the lesbian community.  But that idiot's
intrusive behavior made it impossible for the rest of us men to
talk with the women as people and not as men, and things generally
got uncomfortable.

All of which disinclines me to go to further such meetings.  Which
is too bad, because if everyone ends up feeling that way, there will
be no more support network available for bisexuals, and I do feel
that the simple existence of such groups is useful, even if they are
not much fun to attend in practice.

--John
--
--------------------------------Veto Wilson--------------------------------
John Flanagan					Center for EUV Astrophysics
johnf@ssl.berkeley.edu				University of California
(...!ucbvax!soc1.ssl!johnf)			Berkeley, CA 94720

From: rkelly@triton.unm.edu (Robert Kelly)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: Building bisexual community in the suburbs
Date: 5 Nov 91 15:19:25 GMT

Ciaran McHale writes:
>
>In short, Tom is not the only person who is interested in such
>information, so *please* post.
>

OKOKOK!!!!

What I have done to promote Bisexuality in Urban life and how well it has been
received.

By Bob Kelly


1) QUEER SAFE SPACE that is also open to "Straights."

	Why?  Because supposedly- straight people can come in and be 
"surrounded" by Queers.  This allows all sorts of people to enter the
doors of the Lesbian Bisex Gay Student Alliance without having to 
feel the MUST gay.

	Convoluted, I understand, but if you don't rub their sexuality
in their faces -- remember coming out? -- then they will feel more 
welcome.


2) A Support Group that doesn't look like a support group.

	We have the Bisexual Forum.  We get together and discuss 
sexuality across the border, male and female.  We have a "calm
breathing session" before we talk.  

	But it isn't a support group. There is nothing wrong with us,
and we don't need support.


3) Allowing ANYONE ACCESS to the bi group

	We currently have a gay man (very gay, Kinsey 6.1)
who has only once kissed a woman.  Formally being a professional
lawyer, he has had NO contact with women on a one-to-one scale
for a long time.  His involvement more than likely is going to
prevent MISOGYNY in the Gay male world.

	We have a woman from and all-woman college who is Lesbian.
She wants to heal parts within her between man-woman experiences
from her life.

	We have a straight man who has a bisexual wife and wants to
know how to keep his marriage alive.

	A married couple who both are bi, but have considered themselves
Lesbian/Gay.  They have a kid.
	
	A bisexual mother.

	People have used this group to progress to the Women's Rap
and Men's rap groups.  This group is a first step TOOL for
people to realise their sexuality.

	And then there is a the token bisexual :-)


4) Promoting open marriages.

	This may sound horrendous to many, but the arrangement of an
open marriage helps people in many ways... most people are going to choose
monogamy ANYWAY, it is just a fact.  But when couple X & Y discover
that X isn't all that Straight/Gay, then they have to find ways
to accomodate it.

	
5) Publications...

	People want a Bisexuality magazine here in ALB.  There
is a swingers magazine, with these gaudy sex ads and husbands
writing in for their "bi curious" wives.  Racism and sexism is really
bad, "no blacks, no hispanics, no fatties...."

	I write a column for our school newspaper.  Sometimes I talk
about bisex, sometimes I talk about other things.  Bisex is not my
only agenda.

	But bisexuality as a whole theme for a newsletter.  Folks, being 
involved as much as I am I just don't know, tell me... Do we really have that 
much to talk about? I am not interested in sex, I am interested in other 
people not having hang-ups about their own sexuality.

	I don't feel totally oppressed, either.  


Does that help?


Robert Kelly
rkelly@triton.unm.edu
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"
        Airplane!

From: db@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Dave Berry)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: Building bisexual community in the suburbs
Date: 5 Nov 91 20:00:44 GMT

In article <1991Nov5.111913.19470@cs.tcd.ie>
cjmchale@cs.tcd.ie (Ciaran McHale) writes:
>So, if other people can provide input on setting up such a
>group, and what functions it should aim to provide then I'd love to
>hear about it.

I've pulled this straight off a backup disk I have here.  I don't have time
to revise it for the new audience; I hope some of it's useful anyway.

Dave.


			SETTING UP A BISEXUAL GROUP.

	This is a rather hasty revision of a note that I wrote three years
ago for the 5th British Conference On Bisexuality.  I hope it's some help
for anyone who is thinking of setting up a new bisexual group.  There is
far more that I could say, but far too little time in which to say it.

							Dave Berry, 1990.

What's the group for?

	It's worth asking this question before setting up a group, even if
you don't want to tie yourself to any format at first.  Do you intend to be
a contact group, a social group, a support group, a consciousness-raising
group, a campaigning group, or a mixture?  How often will you meet?  Where
will you meet -- above a pub, in a lesbian & gay centre, in people's homes,
or elsewhere?  What sort of meetings do you want -- social, discussion,
speakers or activist?

	The Edinburgh Bisexual group meets weekly in the Lesbian and Gay
Centre.  These meetings are usually discussions of a topic which we advertise
in advance, but sometimes we have social evenings or evenings where people
talk about something of particular importance to them.  New members are
welcome at any meeting.  Much of the organisation of the group happens in the
pub after meetings.  Apart from giving us a pleasant place to work, this
helps keep the organisation open to all, and to avoid forming a clique of
organisers (we hope!).


How do I go about it?

	A good way to set up a group is to find a few interested people who
are willing to share the work, and who get on well together, before holding
your first proper meeting.  Then when people turn up, they will find a
functioning group rather than one or two people looking hopeful.  Advertise
your first meeting widely in advance -- leave yourself time to do this.

	The only way to find other interested people, other than word of
mouth, is to advertise.  Put up posters, advertise in Gay Times, Spare Rib &
local lesbian and gay magazines.  Local listings magazines (City Limits, The
List) usually accept adverts.  Local freesheets or newspapers may do so too,
although some of them (e.g. The Scotsman, The Sun) are prejudiced against us.
Try the Guardian, or Peace News, or even motorbike mags.  Consider anything
you think of and can afford.

	Once you set up a group, you can use the same places to advertise for
new members, but often you will be able to do this without paying.  Several
of these magazines print press releases or list meetings.  Newspapers don't,
Spare Rib doesn't, but listing magazines & several gay magazines do.  Even
those that don't will print items of news -- such as the setting up of a new
group!  It's worth sending press releases to Spare Rib etc. anyway, if you
can afford it; it reminds them that we're here.

	Finally, use the Bisexual Phoneline and the Bisexual Helpline.  They
get callers from all over the U.K. looking for other bisexual people.  Please
keep them up to date with news about your group.


How do we handle the group's finances?

	Advertising, photocopying & postage all cost money.  Therefore you
need income.  You will probably also need a bank account.

	Most of the Edinburgh Bisexual Group's income is from collections at
the end of each meeting.  This has the advantage that everyone can pay what
they feel they can afford.  You may want to do things differently.  For
example, the London Bisexual Group has a formal membership scheme.  You could
also make meetings free, but organise fund-raising events such as Discos or
Jumble Sales.

	If you open a bank account, the Bank may require a written
constitution for the group.  The Edinburgh Bisexual Group doesn't have one;
most banks will take a list of names instead.  Have two or three signatories
to the account so that no-one can spend the group's money themselves.  It's
probably best if one person looks after the money.  That way at least one
person knows how much you've got!


Posters.

	Posters are a useful way of advertising a group.  They should give
the date, time & topic of each meeting, and the place where you meet.  The
Edinburgh Bisexual Group produce one poster every month or so, listing the
topics for the coming meetings.

	 You may want to mention the Bisexual Phoneline and Bisexual Helpline
on your posters.  If you do, please keep them informed of your activities, or
your callers will be disappointed.

	You may be able to set up an account with a local copying service.
We used to have one with SCRAM, the Scottish Campaign to Resist the Atomic
Menace.  Some places can do photocopying with a choice of colours of ink or
paper.  This can really make your posters stand out from others.  A few places
do full colour photocopying, but this is expensive.

	All sorts of places take posters.  Start with any local lesbian & gay
centre or alternative bookshop.  Gay pubs & clubs are less likely to put up
posters; they've got their image to think about.  Libraries are good places
to reach people.  The Edinburgh central library will take 22 copies of each
poster and distribute them to all Edinburgh branches (although it's up to the
local librarians whether to display them).

	Students' Unions will often put up posters, as will several shops,
theatres, etc.  There's no harm in asking (even if you feel otherwise, they
won't eat you).  Try record shops, cafes, etc.


Cliques.

	There's nothing more off-putting than summoning the nerve to attend
a bisexual group for the first time and finding that everyone else knows each
other and is ignoring you.  You don't have to want a clique - one will form
unless you actively try to avoid it.  Always welcome new members.  Tell them
about the group.  Ask them how long they've known about their bisexuality,
and if anything is worrying them.  Ask where they heard about the group (apart
from being a useful way to start a conversation, this is useful feedback
on your publicity efforts).


Reference.

The following book looks useful:  "Self-Help Groups: Getting started - keeping
going", by Judy Wilson.  Longman Self-help guides.
--
 Dave Berry, LFCS, Edinburgh Uni.      db%dcs.ed.ac.uk@nsfnet-relay.ac.uk

From: db@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Dave Berry)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: Building bisexual community in the suburbs
Date: 5 Nov 91 20:24:52 GMT

In article <JOHNF.91Nov5020052@gualala.ssl.berkeley.edu>
johnf@ssl.berkeley.edu (John Flanagan) writes:
>the whole Bi community still seems to be in a very embryonic stage,

I'd say that although we're still young, we've definitely reached birth :-)
Six years ago there were hardly any groups around, no phonelines, virtually
no books, and national conferences attracted about 60 people.  The USA hadn't
had a national conference at all, and we had hardly any of the international
contacts that we do today.

Now there are loads of groups (just look at the ECBN directory), the last
national conference attracted 250 people, we're making our own videos and
writing our own books, getting a bit of press coverage, and running two
phonelines in the UK.  People are attending conferences in other countries,
and the first international conference has just been held in Amsterdam.  

The Edinburgh Lesbian and Gay Centre has been renamed the Scottish Centre
for Lesbians, Gays and Bisexuals.  The Boston groups (BBWN - Boston Bisexual
Women's Network, BBMN Boston Bisexual Men's Network & ECBN - East Coast
Bisexual Network) have their own office.  Bisexual people are welcomed by
ILGA (The International Lesbian & Gay Organisation), Stonewall, and
many other lesbian and gay organisations.

We've got a long way to go, but we've come a long way already.

>Conversations are always a hit-or-miss affair

Have you tried having a topic each week?  It works most of the time
for us.  Some weeks are just social nights.  Sometimes we have
meetings where anyone can say anything they like, uninterrupted,
for 5 minutes - we call these "personally speaking".  They're a
chance for someone to talk about anything that's been bothering them
(or that they're particularly happy about).

>Now this would have been fine as an unexciting but inoffensive
>evening's conversation, but for the unfortunate presence of one man
>who started cruising the women heavily.

How are the meetings organised?  Do you have a convenor or facilitator
who could stop such behaviour?  Or a group ethos where regular attendees
will take such a person aside, explain the situation and/or ask him to leave?

Dave.

P.S. In fact I'm not heavily involved with the Edinburgh group at the
moment.  But I have been fairly involved over the past 5 or 6 years.

--
 Dave Berry, LFCS, Edinburgh Uni.      db%dcs.ed.ac.uk@nsfnet-relay.ac.uk

From: tal@plts.UUCP (Tom Limoncelli)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: Building bisexual community in the suburbs
Date: 7 Nov 91 03:40:02 GMT

In article <1991Nov5.111913.19470@cs.tcd.ie>
cjmchale@cs.tcd.ie (Ciaran McHale) writes:

>   There are not any bi groups in Dublin, or Ireland for that matter. I
>   would love to see one set up, but I don't have the time and energy to
>   set the ball rolling *at the moment*. Sometime in the future,
>   however... So, if other people can provide input on setting up such a
>   group, and what functions it should aim to provide then I'd love to

I felt that I didn't have the time either but I found the time.
Luckily there were two other people wanting to the the same thing.

We made a poster and had it photocopied and put them at information
tables at other organizations.  We also used the local computer
network to advertise.  All of that took very little effort.

As far as meetings go, we meet every 2 weeks at various people's
houses.  We're planning on finding a permanent place soon.  The
meetings take no preparation because they are discussion groups.

All in all, I was able to make time for what I wanted to it.  We don't
try to have dances, socials, or bring in speakers.  In fact, we
encourage people to go to the other (non-bisexual) groups in the area
because we *can't* provide dances, speakers, etc.  The result is that
by starting out small we were able to not have to do too much work and
we're providing exactly the (one) service that we set out to provide.

Hopefully in the future we'll expand, but right now we're happy where
we are.

Tom
-- 
    Tom Limoncelli -- tal@plts.uucp (play) -- tal@warren.mentorg.com (work)
 "The souls of men and women, impassioned all.  Their voices climb and fall;
   battle trumpets call.  I fill the bath and climb inside." -N. Merchant

From: tal@plts.UUCP (Tom Limoncelli)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Promoting BI visibility at home
Date: 18 Nov 91 06:38:32 GMT

Here's one success story.  Hopefully others will find the technique
useful too.

I was at a fundraiser for the New Jersey anti-discrimination bill and
there were some people discussing proposed names for a new g/l/b group
that stated recently.

The woman (we'll call her "J") that was there didn't realize that I
run their men's rap group and co-run the NJ Bi group.  Her complaint
was that she didn't see the reason to include the word "bisexual" in
the group's name.

Realizing that she didn't know who or what I was, I started with:

"You're right, in fact, I don't see why we need to have 'lesbian' in
the name either.  Doesn't 'gay' include everyone?"

Well, this set her off explaining that she was head of Rutgers
University's gay group when they added the word "lesbian" to their
name and how important it was to her.

Basically I got her to explain not only why she thought that was
important to the group but (more importantly) why it was important to
HER.

When she was done I echoed everything she said, but as reasons why
"bisexual" should be in the title.  I wanted her to see that all the
exact same arguments applied.  In the course of this, I explained that
I was a member of Drew University's Alliance when they added "lesbian"
to the title and president when they added "bisexual".   I explained
how both additions had the same effect as when Rutgers added
"lesbian".  I also explained my participation in the group and about
the NJ Bi group.

So far, so good.  All she had left was "but don't bisexuals feel
comfortable in gay *and* straight contexts?"

I responded with a resounding "NO" and explained that rather than
being the best of both worlds it meant we got hate from both worlds.
I explained that bisexuals don't feel accepted by either community and
often only put them selves in gay contexts because there's no other
place to go.  (I implied that I'd only go to bisexual bars if there
were such a thing).  This was news to her and at that point I realized
that I had struck a misconception that I forgot the gay and straight
communities have about us.

Well, it all turned out quite good.  I think I helped her understand
my side of the issue and I feel that in the future she will be more
supportive of putting "bisexual" in the name of the org.

Now on to the rest of the world... :-)

Tom
P.S.  As an after-thought, I don't think I ever heard her admit to
knowing any "bisexuals".  She only referred to people that she knew
that "slept with men and women".  Ugh.
-- 
    Tom Limoncelli -- tal@plts.uucp (play) -- tal@warren.mentorg.com (work)
 "The souls of men and women, impassioned all.  Their voices climb and fall;
   battle trumpets call.  I fill the bath and climb inside." -N. Merchant

From: liz@fruit-and-fibre.ai.mit.edu (Liz A. Highleyman)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Bi space
Date: 22 Nov 91 21:17:14 GMT

I've considered myself part of the gay community for quite some
time, but I'm getting more and more sympathy for those who think
we should be creating a distinct bi community and distinct bi
spaces.  I'm finding it more and more wearying to have to deny
part of who I am when I'm around gay men and lesbians (an effort
I don't make in heterosexual contexts).

I really feel the need for bi space.  In LG and LGB space, it
is only acceptable to express same-sex attracted behavior.  Some
LGB people don't see a problem with this, since bis can always
express their opposite-sex attractions in other spaces.  I can't
divide myself into halves like this....I have no wish to lead
a double life.

Tim defined `bi space' as a space in which one would not be 
discriminated against/oppressed/look at funny for *any* of their
sexual attractions.  I find that this definition does not
apply to most so-called ``bi space'' that I am familiar with.
These spaces either tend to be gay-identified activist groups
who meet in LG centers, and where expressing opposite sex
attraction is frowned upon, or ``sexually liberated'' groups
that espouse bisexuality, but really don't accept same-sex
relationships, especially long term serious ones, and in
which female same-sex behavior is much more acceptable than
male same sex behavior.  

Can there even *be* bi space that is welcoming to all bis?

Gay men, lesbians, and heterosexuals at least have sexual
orientation in common.  You can presume in a gay context
that your same-sex attractions will be accepted.  Bisexuals
do not have that commonality; some prefer the same sex,
some prefer the opposite sex, and some are right in the
middle.  You cannot presume that you will be accepted in
a bisexual context if the bisexuals in questions to not
have the same kind of preferences as you.

Given the imprecision of sexual identity labels, I favor the 
idea of trying to create space that is *accepting* of people
of all orientations, without having to be ``owned'' by any
one.

-Liz


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Liz A. Highleyman                     MIT Artificial Intelligence Lab
liz@ai.mit.edu                        Cambridge, MA  02139
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