From: CLAWSON@LOYNOVM.BITNET (Dick Clawson, S.J.)
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.cinema-l
Subject: unemployed politicos
Date: 15 Oct 92 22:00:14 GMT
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU
Comments:     Resent-From: "Dick Clawson, S.J." <CLAWSON@LOYNOVM>
Comments:     Originally-From: Network Mailer <MAILER@LOYNOVM>

Subject:      unemployed politicos
To:           cinema-l@uavm

Cinema-lunatics,
    O.K., now I am probably approaching the mondo-gauche of how cute
I think I can be, but it  isn't MY fault,  I used to have a small head
'til I heard the peals of computer laughter, and since the debates will
be ended soon, I'll once again fade into the background of this list.  I'll
ride into the sunset of obscurity only to venture forth with a humble
opinion or three on John Revolta.  Meanwhile I've been talking to my
good friends Barry (Diller) and Carl (Reiner) and Victor (Mature) about what
 in the world we are gonna do with the losers of this race.  I mean, if
the incumbents lose, what is to become of them?  Oh sure, there's always
$10K personal appearances at ivy league schools, but these poor men (and
their spouses) have been bitten by the show-biz bug.  Well, after a recent
power lunch with Bob (Redford), Michael (Jackson) and Carol (Channing) in
which we discussed a new mime version of HELLO DOLLY I brought up my concerns.
    NOW, all of New York and Hollywood are abuzz, there is a new crusade!
Lionel Richie is already working on the 57 celebrity recording project.
I've chosen to share with my friends here on Cinema-l the suggestions for
new television series that would utilize the talents and abilities of these,
the hardest-working politicians in Hollywood.  Michael (Eisner, Douglas, and
Caine) and Brandon (Tartikoff) and Sharri (Belafonte) all went boffo for these
innovative series ideas...Hope y'all like them.

COMING ON ABC THIS FALL:

Move over GOLDEN GIRLS, here comes Barbara Bush, Margaret Thatcher and Cori
Aquino in the SILVER GIRLS. Join these three former world figures in their
wacky adventures solving mysteries and finding romance on the romantic island
of Greenland. Shot entirely on location in Burbank, you've never seen Greenland
like this!  Later, find warmth and inspiration from Hilary Clinton's stirring
performance in an ABC movie O' the week "THE EDITH STEIN STORY" revel with
Hilary as the atheistic philosopher, repent with her when she converts to
Catholicism and joins the Carmelite order, share her triumph as she bravely
goes to Auschwitz.  Featuring Al Gore as the young Adolph Hitler.  From the
creators of DESIGNING WOMEN comes a new series about three politicians that
wanted change, starring Jerry Brown, Pat Buchanan and Ross Perot WE BITCHED
folllows their hopes, aspirations and pipe dreams all the way to Pennsylvania
Avenue.  Hilary and Tipper star in BOSOM BUDDIES, the ladies have "accidently"
offed their spouses and in the interest of national security, they have to
take their places.  Join their wacky misadventures as they become world leaders
by day and happy homemakers by night, all the while avoiding discovery by the
ever-suspicious Senator Heferlin from Alabama (played by Charles Durning) this
series will also feature Dick Clark as Ronald Reagan and Al Gore as the young
John Sununu.  ABC is currently developing two projects with Gov. Clinton.
One is called THE LITTLE ROCK DODGERS  about baseball, of course.  Join this
triple-A baseball team as they defend their title in the Canadian league
during the late sixties.  Also in the planning stages is a series called
DOOR TO DOOR. In D to D Bill plays a door-to-door sales man who goes around
planning demonstrations, of his products, in people's living rooms.  Hoping to
break into the Leno/Arsenio market  LATE NIGHT WITH STOCKDALE is in production.
It only lasts 5 minutes and covers the time that the admiral finishes dinner
to the time that he settles in his Barc-a-lounger and a good night's sleep
with Pat and Vanna.  Be sure to catch Al Gore in THE DANNY BONADUCE STORY. Al
gives the performance of his life, from tortured youth living under the shadow
of David Cassidy, to drug-addeled-tabloid-cover adulthood.  Al brings searing
depth to this highly misunderstood artist.  Some highlights include runnning
around in his underwear for the sequence from H.O.T.S. (no stunt BVD's for Al)
To meeting the woman of his dreams in a Wendy's parking lot and marrying her
Hours later.

COMING THIS FALL ON FOX:
   The foxiest network mon T.V. is cashing in on trash once again.  The flag-
ship of their new lineup  ****WARNING, EXTREMELY SEXIST MATERIAL TO FOLLOW****
features Donna Rice and Gennifer (with a G) Flowers hosting a weekly tele-bio
of famous women who've brought men to ruin.  The first episode of LEAVE IT TO
BEAVER  (DON'T SAY I DIDN"T WARN YOU!) will feature the tale of Salome, played
by Bonnie Franklin and featuring Al Gore as the young Herod.  Another special
featuriung these two actresses and Linda Ronstadt is set to go up against the
Super Bowl.  It is a tell-all open forum called POLITICIANS HAVE TINY PENINSES.
and these girls should know!  Be sure to catch Marilyn Quayle as the worlds
most beautiful spy MATA HARI.  Need I say more?  From the creators of NORTHERN
EXPOSURE and GOING TO EXTREMES comes Hilary Clinton as an OB/GYN who opens an
abortion clinic on a tropical paradise called, aptly KILL AGAIN ISLAND.  Tipper
is currently filming the pilot for her new weekly music show AMERICAN BANNED
STAND.  Dan Quayle will be leading  an ill-fated expidition into the galaxy
in LOST IN SPACE, THE DAN QUAYLE STORY.  Featuring Roddy MacDowell as Dr. Smith
and Billy Mummy reprising his role as Will Robinson.  Al Gore plays the young
robot.  Be sure to catch Adm. Stockdale and Muhammed Ali in a new game show...
FINISH THAT SENTENCE (its cruel, I know). Ross perot will play the title role
in a live action verison of DUMBO, THE FLYING ELEPHANT.  Bill Clinton will be
Perot's double for all of the full body shots.  Look for Marilyn Quayle as the
gratuitous science officer who always gets killed on STAR TREK,TNG.

COMING THIS FALL ON NBC:
      From the speech writers of George Bush comes a story of a not-so-young
politician who believes that insane conclusions from scanty evidence will win
an election in his lifetime.  Putting himself in his own political accelerator
machine he travels by bus and plane making...QUANTUM LOGIC LEAPS. Featuring
Al Gore as the young Dean Stockwell.  Tipper Gore will appear as a frowsy
blond in THE SALLY STRUTHERS STORY see Tippers evocative performance as she
takes the bumpy ride of success through the trevails of a hit show, to the
pains of a flopped Spin-off, the crushing pace of dinner theatre and discussing
feminine hygeine with Brenda Vacaro.  Finally watch as Tipper reveals the
beauty of Sally's commitment to social ideals, starving children and education
through the mail. Featuring Adm. Stockdale as Carol O'Conner, Jesse Jackson
as Sherman Helmsley and Al Gore as the young Sammy Davis Jr.

COMING THIS FALL ON CBS:
      See Ross Perot in a working class comedy that brings everyone's favorite
comic-book character to life  RICHIE RICH, THE NOT SO RICH BOY.  Or an all
new version of SCRABBLE the game show hosted by Dan Quayle, where spelling
doesn't count! See Bill Clinton playing Ab Vigoda in THE BILL CLINTON STORY
featuring Paul Reubens as Bill and Al Gore as the young Hilary.  Bill can
also be found hosting the perennial favorite game show TO TELL THE TRUTH and
Ron Reagan Hosts WHAT'S MY LINE, with his lovely hostess Nancy.

OTHER CHANNELS:
      CNN will continue to have all of these stars on Larry King's show and
there have even been certain contractual provisions made to guarentee LARRY
KING, DEAD: CALLS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE.  PBS, through a generous grant from
 the NEA will feature an American Playhouse presentation of George Bush and
Harvey Fierstein in Charles Dyer's STAIRCASE.  The touching, oft amusing story
of two aging homosexuals.  Featuring Al gore as Bush's grandson.  George can
also be found discussing how to make your marriage work on THIS OLD SPOUSE.
Finally Hilary Clinton will have her own half-hour infomercial promoting her
new cookbook PREPARING A STATE DINNER WITH A SALAD SHOOTER, A  SNACKMASTER
AND AN ATTITUDE!

Well, hope y'all wil tune in.  I've gotta go for a powerwalk with Tim (Burton)
and Edie (Gorme).
RDC,SJ

P.S.  I don't actually know any of these celebrities, but I did meet Marvin
Hamlisch once!
            -R
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