From: gerald@cs.UAlberta.CA (Gerald Oskoboiny)
Subject: wheee, I'm flying
Organization: University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 1992 10:24:16 GMT

I am now in the airprot, happily typing away on my piece of crap laptop.
This thing repeats characters and the shift key sticks every now and
then, so I have to backspace, else my postings will look like B1FF'S!@!@

Anyway, I am currently at the gate, bored out of my skull, so I thought
I'd compose something for t.b. There is a pretty girl sitting across
from me, she looks around 13 or 14. Beautiful blue eyes. She's wearing
blue jeans, and a Guess T-shirt, and red socks to match the guess logo.
She is qool, just about too qool, if there were such a thing.

Whenever I glance up, she seems to be looking at me. I know I look like
a geek for playing on my computer, but I had to take it as carry-on
because I don't trust the baggage handlers with it, so leave me alone,
ok? Wench.

She seems to be trying very hard to maintain an inscrutable look on her
face, like the people in the magazines, I Guess. A big task for a
13-year-old, but she is quite determined. Hmmm, inscrutable, what could
that mean.  Inscrutable. Sound it out. In-scrut-a-ble,
in-sec-ure-ut-a-bull.  insecure 'oot a bull. Hmm, I'll have to ask her
about it on the plane.

Wooops, a lady just sat down next to me, I better turn down the contrast
so she can't see what I'm writing.

Everyone is boarding now, but I cannot because I am trying to weasel my
way into business class as a "preferred corporate customer". Shyeeah
right, in my jeans and a leather jacket. Fat chance, especially with
Mr. Martin up there trying to wheel one of the stewardesses.

.

OK, I'm on the plane now, we've just been served our beverages, and a
great big bag o' nuts. About four or five, at least. Hope I have room
for dinner.  I was the last one on the plane, due to my (unsuccessful)
attempt at weaseling a business class seat. Everyone gave me dirty looks
as I walked to my seat, thinking that I had slowed them down. I'll get
you, my pretties.

The capitan just announced, ``flying at 35,000 feet, you should be able
to see the sioux to the left of the plane''. ha, ha, why am I the only
one laghing uncontrollably. Diidn't you all see her posts in talk.bizarre?
Now this *is* good news, the capitan just cut up sioux in front of the
whole plane. She must be pretty fat, if we can all see her from 35K
feet.

What was that theory about 1 in 60 people in a football stadium being
readers of t.b? If that's true, why didn't anyone else get the captain's
joke?

.

Today's on-flight moovie is Sister Act "star"ring WHOOPIE GOLDBERG. Have
you all heard David Letterman pronounce "Wooster Street" as "wu-HOO-ster
street"? Well, that's how I pronounce Wa-hoop-ie Goldberg, to myself
anyway. Hmmm, still nobody else on the plane is laughing. Come on people,
this is not hard.

I wish I could have weaseled my way into business class, because they
have thoose qool SeatFone[tm]s, and I could connect to t.b. from 35,000
feet over sioux.

This movie really sucks. What really bugs me is that all the lusers
behind me are laughing their fool heads off, when they didn't even catch
the sioux joke. Hypocrites!

.

The man beside me is quite an interesting study. He appears to be quite
sleepy, he keeps nodding off into his Clamato juice. Every once in a
while, he wakes up and wipes his face frantically with his hands, like
a hampster trying to clean his whiskers. Ha!  During the last wipe
session, I managed to steal the armrest out from under him. Take that,
you dirty rat. My arm ain't leaving this thing until we get to Edmonton.

.

We just had our dinner. The stewardess ("Math is hard!") asked my
seat-mate, ``Chicken or Lasagna?'' He replied, ``I'll have the chicken''.
Why do people insist on doing that? "THE chicken", as if there is only
one chicken dish.  Stupid, she was giving you the same choice as everyone
else on the plane.  I said to her, ``well, I guess I have to have THE
lasagna then,'' with special emphasis on the THE. Neither of them got
it. Of course, the gentleman was a little preoccupied, as he was busy
cleaning his whiskers in preparation for the meal.

.

Ah, we are beginning our descent. ``Please return your stewardess to
the upright position'', if I may borrow a phrase. I have to put my laptop
in the storage /bin, much to the delight of everyone present <noisy
keyboard, what?>

.

I was going to post each of the segments between the "."s as separate
articles, but I thought that would annoy people. I rarely read articles
of this length, but for those of you who stayed with me, I would like
to say ``thank you for playing, have a nice day''. This article does
not necessarily represent the views of Air Canada Ltd.

Love,
Gerald
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre