From: corleyj@helium.gas.uug.arizona.edu (Jason D Corley )
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide
Subject: My first article
Summary: The Hobby Suggestion taken
Date: 12 Oct 92 19:13:02 GMT
Distribution: alt.galactic-guide
Organization: University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ

Well, here goes on my first few articles.

Sorry if I don't get the format quite right: HElp ME!

%t Chess
%s A game with much terminology
%a Jason Corley (corleyj@gas.uug.arizona.edu)
%n ???
%d 19921012
%e
Chess is a game involving 64 squares and 32 pieces which
invariably end up on the wrong squares.
	The most powerful piece in chess is the queen, the only
female piece on the board.  There have been many explanations
linking this feminist slant to the high number of young men with
thick glasses and skin problems who play chess, none of which
have been conclusive.
	Other chess pieces include the King, a reference to Elvis
Presley, the Pawn, who represents the determinist worldview (as in,
"We are all just pawns of fate waiting to get to the back rank"),
the Rook, a small bird, the Knight, opposite of The Daye, and the
Bishop, the origin of which is unknown.  There are 2 conflicting
theories as to the origin of the bishop: 1.  The long-dead original
inventors of chess were extraordinarily prescient, or 2.  Priests,
preachers and televangelists have always been warlike, violent and
tricky.
	Popular openings in chess include The King's Gambit, The 
Queen's Gambit, The Latvian, The Ruy Lopez, The Schliemann, The
Orangoutang, The Vulture, The Four Knights, The Three Knights,
The Scotch, The Basmania, The Center Counter, The Dumb Move,
The Pre-Game Psyche-Out, and the Coronary Thrombosis.
	Popular closings, or endgames in chess include The Win, 
The Loss, The Draw, The Stalemate, The Loss On Time, The Quantum
Collapse, The Refusal To Go On, The Sudden Death and The Sudden
Death.
	See also entries on Fischer, Bobby and Morphy, Paul.
%e

%t Fischer, Bobby
%s A not-very-interesting person after all
%a Jason Corley (corleyj@gas.uug.arizona.edu)
%n ???
%d 19921012
%e
Bobby Fischer is a chessplayer who has perfected many openings,
none of which are named after him.              
	He also spat on a letter from the United States Government,
though it is unknown why he considers this so especially important.
Studies have proven (Ziegfield 1919, Rogers 1932, Bush, Baker et al 1988)
that when faced with a letter from their governing body, most
experience at least a 12% increase in salivation and 97+% indicate
an urge to spit.
%e

%t Morphy, Paul
%s A not-very-interesting person with a neat name
%a Jason Corley (corleyj@gas.uug.arizona.edu)
%n ???
&d 19921012
%e
Paul Morphy is a chessplayer with what was voted "The Hoopiest
Last Name in the Western Spiral Arm of the Milky Way" for 17
years running, following the death of the previous champion,
George Finderwoozle.           
	Morphy also was a natty dresser and tended to twitch
over the chessboard, though this had nothing whatsoever to do
with the rest of his life, or the planet, or the galaxy, or anything
of importance.  The editors apologise for the insignificance of
this entry.
%e

"What do you think, sirs?"
	Joel Robinson

	Jason
	Our Reporter on the Hideous Plane of Leng
Newsgroups: alt.galactic-guide