HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Stuffings
Date: 12 Dec 92 21:13:01 GMT
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

Hello again...  Nothing to big and dangerous in this message in the way of
spoilers, but I'm posting from that safe place, so I'm adding in a

**SPOILER WARNING**

I've been pretty much floored with the responces I've gotten here, and all of
the support I've seen.  In the past I've always gotten plenty of help and
support, but now that I've remembered the rape, and posted about that too, the
number of replies and stuff via Email has basically TRIPLED.  About 15
responces today alone...

Wow.

Thank you everyone!

But I'm also beginning to lock-up.  I'm having to force myself to respond to
some people.  Things are just becomming harder to write down..

And right now system admin duties are calling in the form of a phone call that
I must take, so I'm gonna post about this stuff later on.

Thank you to EVERYONE for being there!!!


Krikket (a.k.a. Doug Krick)  ---  krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us
#include<std.disclaimers>    ---  an294@anon.penet.fi

      Showing up is 88% of life and 98% of edcuation
           (41% of all statistics are worthless)
From: sbecker@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Holiday Survival Help Needed
Date: 17 Dec 92 20:43:15 CST
Organization: University of Kansas Academic Computing Services

Hi y'all.

I haven't posted in awhile.  It's funny that my need to isolate reaches even
into my computer-self.  But I'm poking my head up above water now, at least
for a moment, and I thought I'd reach out to you for help.

After being abandoned in one way or another by all the men in my life during
the last month (there were three of 'em), I found myself truly alone for the
first time in years.  This state felt very unsafe to me--I've been really
edgy and acting in unsafe/compulsive ways.  But this solitude has been quiet
too in a way--no romantic distractions to enmesh with--and my mind has been
somewhat free to roam, to allow feelings and memories in.  EEEK!  That's the
hard part!

I guess I'll omit details, since I didn't put a spoiler warning in my subject
heading.  Suffice to say that I have had a flashback and a prophetic dream
(or does prophetic mean "telling the future"?  My dream "told the past").  My
father, whom I have sus[ected for some time now, seems to have been the perpe-
trator.  In my dream he confessed, matter-of-factly and without apology, to
having molseted me when I was 2 or 3 and again when I was 6.  He said he wqas
dealing with impotence and was drinking heavily during those years (he's an
alcoholic).

It sure is a difficult time to have to remember stuff, when I'm going home for
the holidays.  Any helpful hints for how not to go completely insane with one's
perpetrator in the same house?  I'd prefer not to spend the entire week
disassociated, but I"m afraid that's what will happen if I don't discover
sopme other coping mechanisms.  I'm bringing my modem home. . .so  i'll
probably
check in and say hello.

Bye for now and thanks for listening.

Sarah


Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: an1762@anon.penet.fi (Peaceful Warrior)
Subject: Help!
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 22:33:32 GMT


My therapist has left town for three weeks for the Christmas
holiday. I'm feeling really horrible and scared and panicked
about that and was wondering what things other people do to
cope in this situation.

I don't know - I guess I'm just feeling really really alone
and three weeks seems like years and I'm a mess about it
all.

Please help!
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: an1307@anon.penet.fi (tumbleweed)
Subject: A discovery by [Bob]
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 22:11:39 GMT

Well said.  Hope your detonations help you as much as they help others on the 
net.  Have you any advice for bringing memories to the surface?
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: SPOILER: My Story (long)
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 20:42:40 GMT

welcome back, scott.  it is truly good to see you here again.  i really mean
that.  i'm sorry that you're in so much pain right now.  i wish there was
something i could do to help.  again, time and geography limit what i can do to
help to sending you words of support and encouragement.  so welcome back,
scott; i hope what you get from here is helpful.

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: "Caleb Hess" <hess@moose.cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Wish list for Families
Organization: Indiana University, Bloomington
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 10:26:47 -0500

My wife and I are foster parents.  We recently finished Yet Another Training
Program in parenting abused kids.  We hear plenty from the professionals and
other foster parents, but it just occurred to me that I have never heard a
former foster child talk to a group of foster parents.  I found the Wish List
for Therapists helpful; if anyone out there has been through "the system" I
would like to hear your suggestions for foster families.

E-mail is welcome, and I promise to protect your anonymity (however, I
can't guarantee more than the usual insecurity of e-mail).  If I get
several responses, I would like permission to share them with other foster
parents.  I also promise to pass on both negative and positive comments.
Specific suggestions, please, and spare the group from the flames.

Thanks.
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (Alaska)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Deep, deep Alaska
Date: 15 Dec 92 02:47:10 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Sonia, in alt.sexual.abuse.recovery you write:

>Alaska,

>*I* believe you!  Please don't cry...  No, I take that back -- cry as
>much and as long as you need, but I wish you didn't feel so bad...
>Lots and lots of bad things happened to me, too, and it's *hard*.  I
>keep thinking that for SO MANY bad things to have happened, I must have
>deserved it somehow, and each succeeding memory gets worse, and I think
>"Now, no one will believe me," but so far, everyone has.  I'm still here
>and you're still here, and that's the important part.

Teetering, and quite shaky, but yeah...good for us!

>Most especially, my wonderful therapist has believed and sympathized and
>helped me get through a very bad year.  She's a massage therapist, so she
>provides nurturing touch as well as talking me through all this.  When
>you feel that it's the right time to go into therapy, remember that there
>are good people out there that will believe every word you say because it's
>true.

You're lucky to have found such a wonderful therapist. One of these
days I'll have the strength (and feel worthy enough) to look for one.

Thank you.

>Hug?

Yes, definitely. Thank you. Hug back to you, Sonia.

  ________
  |alaska|    US: anon-1280   Finland: an881   Australia: anon.34



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: N1.AAS@isumvs.iastate.edu (AZIZ SABRI)
Subject: Re: all me of us's wish list
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames IA
Distribution: usa
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 04:46:00 GMT

In article <Bz4FA3.85C@twwells.com>,
anon-1410@twwells.com (Angel & all) writes:
>
>but we also really want to start seeing somebody you know (ain't it weird
>how seeing somebody could refer to a therapist or to a SO)  we are scared
>they would tell us that we aren't multiple.  nobody except ourselves & our
>friends have told us we are multiple -- but then I know some of me -- and
>we are differnt & have different names and ages & functions -- some of us
>can do stuff that others really can't.
>
Since working with multiples is a fairly new area in therapy, IMO it is
unlikely a good therapist would suggest that you AREN'T multiple. If s/he is
worth her/his license, s/he would be eager to explore with you
why you think you are a multiple.  That's why the questions
are worthwhile....you can have an idea of what the therapist
knows and understands and how receptive s/he will be to your
very real feelings.   Good luck if you decide to go for it!

--
****************************************************************
* N1.AAS@ISUMVS.IASTATE.EDU       Truth flies like an arrow    *
* Dr. Aziz A. Sabri               Love flies like a sparrow    *
* (515) 292-0595                  Fruit flies like a banana    *
****************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Re: Question about cutting
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 10:24:08 GMT

In article <Bz2sFI.24F@twwells.com> anon-1454@twwells.com (Screaming_Fist) writes:
>If anyone has solutions on how to stop themselves from cutting,
>or even if you've found a way to do it less often, would you
>please either post about it or email me?  I'd be grateful!
I have a close friend who cuts and has had success with having a red
marker more easily available than the razor blades.  (An alter
sometimes does the cutting in the middle of the night.)

Possible down side: she is much less restrained with the marker, and
has been shocked the next morning to find how much marker she has on
her.

-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
From: anon-1383@twwells.com (Apple)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Alaska & Enigma
Date: 15 Dec 92 04:40:32 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


Enigma, I'm sorry that you feel that you have to quit posting,
but I don't think you have to quit posting just over Alaska.
After all.....she's just one person and I don't think she is 
representative of the people on this newsgroup.  Don't let
Alaska get you down......and Alaska, real nice post about
Enigma.  I nominate you for asshole of the month award.....
but I guess your brain gets frozen all the way up in Alaska....
that is where you are from I take it.


Enigma---------------hang in there. 




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From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: to bob, also apologies to all
Date: 16 Dec 92 05:50:26 CST
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

In article <1992Dec11.082108.842@penet.fi>, an935@anon.penet.fi (Silver Tiger)
writes:
>I am extremely disappointed with the net connections these days.  I
>have not yet seen several posts of mine that people have sent e-mail
>over, and the one post I did see was posted so late (it was sent thru
>twwells by the way, just before the shutdown, and I just saw it today)
>that it seemed extremely insensitive... from where I post, it looked
>like poohbear came back to the net, then when she posted her "bye"
>post, my post welcoming her back finally shows up.  I want to apologize
>to her and ask everyone to read my other posts remembering that there is
>a major time lag for me... it is almost enough to make me want to post
>non-anon, since I haven't seen one post of mine from the Finland anon-server
>show up yet.  Oh well...  who knows when THIS post will show up?

A note on the servers and how the Net works...

When you send Email to someone specific, or to an anon server (as opposed to
writing a public post) the Email takes a very specific and short route to
deliver the Email as quickly and efficiently as it can.

The anon server probably receives the message within a few hours of your
sending it.  The server then strips all identifying stuff from the message and
proceeds to post it publicly.

Public postings are transmitted differently than Email.  Rather than looking
for the shortest path to your machine, the post gets transmitted to *ALL*
machines.

This makes the path the message travels a LOT longer before it reaches your
location.  Depending on there the anon server is, I've sent out messages that
hit the Net within 12 hours of my sending it.  (I'm not directly on the net,
and it takes longer for a message to simply REACH the net for transmitting to
the world.)  And I've gotten replies to my posting sitting in my Email box the
next day.  Which means the origional post had to be tramsmitted from the
server, and for a reply to go from the author of the note to the anon server,
and back to me.  A lengthy route for Email.  (I've seen letters written by
people in Chicago (they told me their location) get transmitted to Finland for
processing, and then resent to Chicago (where I live) within a matter of hours.

But it takes a while for the post to work its way down the Net from where it
was posted to where you are.  Length depends on "distance" between machines and
the like.  I've gotten replies (via Email) to my messages 3 days before I saw
the origional post on the Net!

So, while it seems a bit fustrating, don't sweat it out too much...


Krikket (a.k.a. Doug Krick)  ---  krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us
#include<std.disclaimers>    ---  an294@anon.penet.fi

   "Gone serious and shy, and they can't figure out why."
                --Suzanne Vega "Bad Wisdom"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: pain
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 16:42:09 GMT

Seeker (anon-1421@twwells.com) wrote:

: Not sure what I'm scared about. Maybe because I am 
: getting closer to my SO and he scares me sometimes.

Can you clarify (even to yourself) what scares you about your SO?  Have you
talked to him about it?  Maybe you need to take things slow(er) until you
feel better...
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

Who and what would you be if you went beyond your deepest fears?
From: anon-1397@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: none
Date: 18 Dec 92 18:16:20 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

another test post


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1470@twwells.com (Cujo)
Subject: maybe Re:**SPOILER**
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 06:02:03 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com



(Just had a little computer trouble and I don't know whether me message got sent......Sorry about that)
(Here is the rest of it or maybe here it is for the first time

 I don't know whether this needs a spoiler message or not but I just want
to be safe than sorry.

        I seems that the Holiday times get me pretty depressed.  I'll be going
home from school in about a week and a half and my mood has just gone down the
tubes.
        I this because I hate going home.  Home is where the memories (and lack 
or memories are)......I mean I am still very confused about what happened when I
 was a kid.....Shit idon't even know when it staterted.  I just always was.....
What bothers me is that I just don't know....You see the bits and peices I remebhurt...You see I don't remember ever saying no but i do remember that sometimes I would not fight if they (my two cousins) would hurt me.  I remember my cousin asking me why I wasn't being good like last week....(I don't like myself we I think of those things).....why did i let them get away with all those things..........shitshitshitshitshitdamndamndamndamndamndamn............
I hate going back to my room and remembering the last time he hurt me was the(there)........It looks like this next week is not going to be like a fun time........

(Please forgive my spelling errors)

Peace & Stength

Cujo



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: dnelson@icaen.uiowa.edu (David Nelson)
Subject: Re: Late night talking
Organization: Iowa Computer Aided Engineering Network, University of Iowa
X-Newsreader: NN version 6.4.19
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 1992 02:44:19 GMT

erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:

>Riptide (anon-1337@twwells.com) wrote:

>: Kind of a reliving thing.  I remember feeling like 
>: I would be strong if I could cut myself.  That inner
>: strength stemmed from being able to surmount my fear of 
>: pain.  (I didn't end up cutting myself, and I am not

>Thank you for the clear insight into cutting.  I have never been able to
>understand cutting, or why one would do it - this gives me a bit more
>insight.  Thanks!


But wait!  There's more (than just ginsu knives).

Cutting is complex.  I had not yet identified the motivation of
feeling strong, but there are many others:

  * the physical trauma induces endorphin release that 
    alleviates the mental pain along with the physical pain.
  * it gives a sense of control 
    (perhaps the sense of strength fits into this category?)
    - the cutter can theoretically stop the pain at any time 
      when (s)he couldn't stop the abuse when it happened
  * the physical pain is *much* less than the mental pain, 
    it provides a distraction from the brain-torment
  * it is a way to exercise the punishment that the cutter
    feels (s)he deserves (yet is less than the mental torment)
  * for some, when they can't weep, the blood substitutes 
    for tears (salty body fluid, warm, wet, expression of grief)
  * it is a horrifying act for bystanders to witness either 
    as it happens or after the fact - this has a couple of payoffs
    - it reinforces the isolation that the cutter feels (s)he
      deserves  ("regular" people draw back when they see the cuts)
    - it controls others by generating pity, horror, and sometimes
      ridicule, most of which reactions establishes distance from
      others for the cutter
    - it is a RADICAL statement of pain when a cutter can't seem
      to express it in any other manner

Just my opinion, take what you like and leave the rest.

**********************************************************************
*     Any attempt to impose              David L Nelson              *
*     your will on another               dnelson@icaen.uiowa.edu     *
*     is an act of violence.             anon-1454@twwells.com       *
*        -Mahatma Gandhi                 an1096@anon.penet.fi        *
**********************************************************************
From: anon-1349@twwells.com (Mary)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: To Krikket re: memories
Date: 14 Dec 92 22:50:59 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Krikket - you expressed concern the other day about attempting to "peep"
at your sister when you were a preschooler.  First, children of that age
have a tremendous amount of curiosity about the body and about sexuality and
it is quite common for children to try to catch a glimpse of the other 
sex.  Second, in regard to your concerns about whether or not this action on
your part affected your sister in any way:  Well, of course for a definitive
answer you would have to ask her.  But, I recall being out in the woods with
2 of my male cousins when we were about 5 or 6.  We had to go pee and were
far from home.  So, we went behind a tree or something.  They went first and
at the same time.  When I went behind the tree I looked up and there they
were, trying to get a look at me while I peed.  I remember getting pissed off 
(no pun intended) at them and telling them to stop looking.  But I look back
on the incident with amusement.  Clearly the incident was powerful enough
that I remember it, but I don't think that it had a negative effect on me.
I don't harbor any anger or other negative feelings toward my cousins, nor
do I feel that their behavior was abusive in any way.  They were just
curious little boys - they stopped looking when I told them too (they did
giggle a bit) - and we went on about our merry way, enjoying our outing in
the woods.

Mary         



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