Newsgroups: talk.abortion
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 15:31:53 -0400 
From: James Santo <js0z+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: my choice 

HI!  I'M NEW TO THIS.  SO,PLEASE EXCUSE MY MISTAKES.
  
AS I'M SURE ALL OF YOU KNOW HOW CONTROVERSIAL THE TOPIC OF TERMINATING A
PREGNANCY IS.  I, IN A SMALL WAY, WILL TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF WHAT I
BELIEVE TO BE THE TRUE ISSUE OF CONTROVERSY.  BUT FIRST, I HAVE A STORY
TO TELL.

MY FRIEND, WHOM I SHALL CALL RITA, WENT OUT TO A FRATERNITY PARTY, GOT
TOO DRUNK, MET A GUY, HAD SEX WITH HIM, AND BECOME PREGNANT.  WHEN I WAS
TOLD BY ANOTHER FRIEND ABOUT RITA'S SITUATION, MY FIRST AND FOREMOST
THOUGHT WAS THAT MY FRIEND WAS "IN TROUBLE" AND NEEDED MY HELP.  I DID
NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. BUT I KNEW THAT WHAT EVER SHE NEEDED, I WAS WILLING
TO DO FOR HER.  

SHE HAD DECIDED TO HAVE AND ABORTION.  AT THE TIME I THOUGHT THIS IS OK.
 IT WAS HER DECISION AND I SUPPORTED HER RIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT IS BEST
FOR HER AND THE UNBORN INSIDE OF HER.  SHE AND THE OTHER FRIEND( I'LL
CALL TINA) SAID THAT THEY WILL BE IN TOWN ON FRIDAY, BUT BECAUSE THEY
MISSED THEIR BUS THEY ARRIVE LATE FRIDAY NIGHT WHICH MEANT THAT THEY
WOULD NEED A PLACE TO STAY FOR THE NIGHT.  THAT WAS NO PROBLEM;  THEY
COULD STAY W/ME.  

SATURDAY MORNING, I WOKE UP WITH A SET AGENDA ON MY MIND.  THROUGHOUT
THE NIGHT, I HAD GONE OVER IN MY MIND ALL THAT WE WERE TO DO FOR OUR
TRIP DOWNTOWN.  MIND YOU THAT I HAD NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE AND I REALLY
DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.  WE ARRIVED AT THE CLINIC TO FIND PEOPLE
PROTESTING, PUTTING CAMERAS INTO OUR FACES, ASKING US IF WE WERE GOING
TO THE CLINIC, AND TELLING US NOT TO KILL OUR BABIES.  I REMEMBER,SO
DISTINCTLY, A MAN KNELLING ON THE GROUND W/ A ROSERY AND PRAYING SO
FERVENTLY.  THAT IS  WHEN IT HIT ME. REALITY!  SMACKED ME RIGHT IN THE
FACE AND ALL I COULD DO WAS GASP FOR AIR AND KEEP ON WALKING.  I DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE ME. I MEAN, IT FELT LIKE SOMEONE ELSE HAD TAKEN CONTROL OF MY
BODY AND WAS PUSHING ME PAST THOSE PEOPLE WHO WERE STANDING IN THE WAYOF
DESTINY.  YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT I AM A PERSON WHO FINDS IT VERY, VERY
DIFFICULT TO BE AGGRESSIVE WHEN IT COMES TO DOING JUST ABOUT ANYTHING. 
EVEN WHEN IT IS SOMETHING I NEED FOR MY WELL-BEING; I MUST COUCH MYSELF
INTO BEING AGGRESSIVE IN EXPRESSING MY OPINIONS.  SOME HOW WE GOT PAST
THE PEOPLE ON THE OUTSIDE AND INTO THE INSIDE OF WHAT WOULD SOON BE THE
MOMENT WHEN I DECIDED WHAT MY  FUTURE WOULD BEHOLD IF I WERE EVER IN
RITA'S SITUATION.  

RITA SIGNED IN AND THE THREE OF US SAT AND TALKED ABOUT ANY JUST AS LONG
AS IT GOT OUR MINDS OFF OF WHERE WE WERE AND WHY WE WERE DOING THERE.  

ONCE RITA WAS TAKEN INTO HER ROOM, TINA WAS ABLE TO TELL ME ALL THE
DETAILS WHICH LED TO RITA'S BEING "IN TROUBLE."  I SAT, LISTENED, AND
WATCHED COUPLES, FRIENDS, LIKE US, MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS, DAUGHTERS,
FATHERS AND SIBLINGS ENTER AND EXIT THE CLINIC OFFICE.  I MUST SAY THAT
I WAS RATHER AMAZED AT HOW MANY BOYFRIENDS AND HUSBANDS WERE THERE W/
THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AND WIVES.  TINA AND I TALKED ABOUT ALL OUR CONFUSION
AND FEELINGS ABOUT BEING THERE AND SUPPORTING RITA'S DECISION.  WE
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, BUT WE KNEW THAT WE HAD TO TALK TO EACH
OTHER OR WE WOULD EXPLODE.  

TWO HOURS HAD PAST.  SEVERAL WOMEN ENTERED AND EXISTED, BUT NO SIGN OF
RITA.  AT EACH PASSING MINUTE I GREW MORE AND MORE UPTIGHT AND ANXIOUS;
LOOKING AND SEEING THE ANGUISH AND DESPAIR IN THE FACES MANY OF THESE
PEOPLE MADE ME SAD AND UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT BARING WITNESS TO WHAT WAS
PROBABLY THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME AND EXPERIENCE IN THEIR LIVES.

TWO MORE HOURS PAST.  TINA AND I WERE STARTING TO WORRY ABOUT RITA. THE
THOUGHTS THAT ENTERED MY MIND WERE DRIVING ME CRAZY.  I COULDN'T SIT
STILL; I WAS BECOMING VERY NERVOUS AND UNEASY ABOUT BEING A FRIEND, EVEN
BEING ME. I QUESTIONED MY PRESENCE AND SUPPORT OF RITA'S DECISION.
RITA'S DECISION WAS RITA'S CHOICE.  THE CONFUSION CONTINUED TO
INTENSIFY.  THE NEXT THING I KNEW, I WAS DEEP INSIDE OF ME, MY OWN
BEING.  I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY AND CONFUSING, BUT IT WAS HAPPENING TO
ME.  AT THAT MOMENT, I WAS THE CENTER. I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE.  IT
WAS, AS I WAS, IN THE CENTER OF TIME AND SPACE WHERE PHYSICAL THINGS DID
NOT EXISIT. THERE WAS JUST ME, MY THOUGHTS AND GOD.  

RIGHT NOW THE DETAILS ARE IRRELEVANT AS TO WHAT OCCURED IN THAT MAGICAL
PLACE WHERE TIME AND SPACE CEASED.  WHEN I SNAPPED OUT OF IT TINA AND I
WERE WORKING OF A FIVE HOURS VISIT IN WHAT SEEMED LIKE HELL.

RITA FINALLY EXITED FROM THE WHITE DOOR OPPOSITE TO WHERE SHE ENTERED. 
SHE LOOKED FINE CONSIDERING HER ORDEAL.  SHE WAS A LITTLE PALE AND
DRAINED OF HER ENERGY.  THE THREE OF US LEFT SAYING VERY LITTLE OR
RATHER SAYING NOTHING THAT REALLY MATTERED CONSIDERING WHAT HAD HAPPENED.

BEFORE I SAW MY FRIENDS OFF, I HAD THE CHANCE TO TALK TO TINA ABOUT MY
THOUGHTS REGARDING THE SITUATION.  I GATHERED FROM WHAT SHE SAID THAT
SHE TOO WENT TO THAT MAGICAL PLACE WHERE TIME CEASED AND THAT SHE WAS
ALSO WITH GOD AND HER THOUGHTS HAD MADE A DECISION. WE LOOKED AT EACH
OTHER AND KNEW THAT WE WOULD NEVER QUESTION WHAT DECESION WE WOULD MAKE
IF WE FOUND OURSELVES "IN TROUBLE."  

AFTER SHARING THIS TRUE STORY, I GUESS WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SHARE WITH
YOU IS THAT TINA AND I MADE A VERY IMPORTANT DECISION ABOUT OUR CHOICES
AND OUR BEING WHO WE ARE HERE, AS INDIVIDUALS, IN A PLACE WERE TIME
MOVES SO VERY QUICKLY AND SPACE CHANGES DIRECTIONS BEFORE WE KNOW WHERE
WE ARE AND WHERE WE'VE BEEN.  

WHAT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT WE KNOW WHICH CHOICE IS
OURS AND THAT NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY FROM US OR CHANGE IT.  GOD KNOWS
ALSO; HE/SHE KNEW IT BEFORE WE DID.  YOU SEE, HE/SHE GAVE US THE MOST
POWERFUL AND THE MOST IMPORTANT TOOL/GIFT HUMANS HAVE, THE CAPABILITY TO
THINK FOR OURSELVES AND DECIDE WHAT WE BELIEVE IS BEST.  AND WHAT IS A
TRAVESTY AND EVEN MORE CONTROVERSIAL THAN ABORTION IS THAT OTHER MEN AND
WOMEN HAVE TRIED TO TAKE THAT TOOL/GIFT AWAY AND CONTINUE TO TRY, TODAY
TO CONTROL ALL THAT WE DO WITH THE TOOL/GIFT GIVEN TO US THROUGH LIFE. 

FOR ME AND TINA, THE CHOICE IS LIFE.  BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY IT HAD TO BE
OUR CHOICE TO MAKE NOT JUST FOR US BUT FOR GOD.  PLEASE DO NOT
MISUNDERSTAND THAT WHICH I HOPE I AM TRYING TO COMMUNICATE.  IF OUR
CHOICES WERE NOT TO GIVE LIFE IT STILL WOULD BE GOD'S CHOICE, IN MY
OPINION, BECAUSE WE UTILIZED HIS/HER GIFT, THE GIFT OF BEING, WHICH IS
ABOUT CHOOSING AND FIGHTING FROM THE MOMENT OF OUR ENTRANCE TO THE
MOMENT OF OUR EXIT BACK INTO THAT MAGICAL PLACE WHERE TIME CEASES TO BE
OF CONSEQUENCE.

THE TRUE ISSUE OF CONTROVERSY IS WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE LIFE OR THE
RIGHT TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT OF CHOICE.  THIS  WILL ALWAYS BE CONTROVERSIAL
AND HEATED TO THE POINT OF EXPLOSION. BUT, IN BETWEEN IT ALL, THERE WILL
ALWAYS BE THOSE, LIKE ME, WHO WILL FIND ALWAYS NO MATTER HOW LONG OR
DIFFICULT THE AENERGY AND AGGRESSIVENESS NEEDED TO KEEP AND MAINTAIN
UNDER A STRONG WILL THE POWER OVER WHAT WE DO WITH OUR GIFT FROM GOD.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME IN SPACE OF THE HERE AND NOW.

ADIOU,
DJ

PS  I'M USING A FRIENDS ACCESS TO THE ANDREW SYSTEM. THIS IS MY STORY
AND MY OPINION.  PLEASE DO NOT ADDRESS MR. SANTO W/ RESPONSES.  DIRECT
THEM TO ME, DJ THROUGH HIS ANDREW ACCOUNT.  THANK YOU.


Newsgroups: talk.abortion