From: darvs00@terre.DMI.USherb.CA (STEVE DARVEAU)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: -- WorldWideWhine --
Date: 6 Apr 92 06:52:15 GMT
Organization: Universite de Sherbrooke -- DMI


	First, you have to forgive me for what I'll say or do.
Not that I intend to be rude, I wouldn't know how. But I'm a beginner
in the field, this being my first official post. And, as you will
promptly notice, English is only a second language to me...
This is also kind of long... :)

	I've just discovered that most of the posts in this group
are from people and about situations I can relate to. So I just
thought I'd put my grain of salt, for what it is worth.

	Lately it seems that some of the posts relate to wether or
not "Love sucks" . From what I've lived recently, I'd be tempted
to agree with this opinion. I'd go even further and say that
"Life sucks." , the whole kit. However depressed that sounds,
I still hold it as a truth.

	Now would be the moment to press 'N'. The rest is only
my personal drama . 

	My problem is that, although I can write about my personal
problems, I simply cannot talk about them. When it comes to matters
of emotions, I'm speechless. I believe that most of the others
problems I got come from there. 

	The first time I knew I was in love was a very painful
experience. I knew (or thought) I had find the TrueLove(TM) but
somehow, she did not notice me. Ah, well, okay, she SAW me,
but did not NOTICE I was there at all. The fact that I'm not
some kind of Super-Athlete may also have got in the way. 

	Anyway, we've become friends. Maybe one of the worst thing
that could've happened to me... I mean, at the time we were about
15-16 years old. I've seen here each day for 3 years at school,
sitting besides her by the choice of a Weird Fate (Also called,
Teachers) . So you can imagine me sinking in her wonderful eyes,
day after day, while she was talking to me, but failed to know
what was happening....

	I still had hope, thinking that my day could come... But
to no avail. I tried to talk to her more seriously, but again,
she did not notice anything. I was , and I still am, the Invisible
Man. 

	So, after those 3 frustrating years, I moved to college.
I tried to forget her. I guess the new environment helped. I
mean, nowadays, I don't think about her much, only when I'm 
depressed...

	Two years passed, two years without any important
relationships whatsoever. Or, in fact, without any relationships.

	I became addicted to BBS and modems. That way, I didn't
have to be involved physically and could put my thinking into
words. Words that meant something, words that were listened and
understood. 

	After those two years, I came here, at the university.
Another move. I felt that I could perpetutate my virtual life,
using Muds. (For those who do you not know what Muds are, they're
kind of multi-player games, with players spread arount the Internet)
And then, my favorite Mud closed. I had built some kind of pseudo-
social-life within it, so I was not very happy.

	So I looked toward real people... And fell in love again,
this time not a fiery and passionate love, just a warm feeling in
my spine that said : " Now I'd be happy if I could just cuddle
with you on this sofa"... Not the physical over-drive of sex,
I mean, the only thing I need is a hug, a hand in my hair, 
somebody to tell me everything'll be all right.

	Again, I failed miserably. I am the eternal friend...

	My head turned then toward IRC (Inter-Relay CHAT) . Again,
another sort of virtual-social-life.... If I cannot have the
real thing, I'd make with a substitute... Again I could make
some friends. Build some relationships that I could not attain
in day-to-day Real-Life.

	But some weeks ago, our sysadmins decided to ban Muds and IRC.
The decision is fair, when I look back at it. But it was like kicking
me in the butt and saying "Get a life, geek." . 

	So now I'm released in the real world again. Not prepared for
it in any way. So what do you think I've done? I've looked and spotted
a girl I'd be happy to be with... This time I thought it would work,
I mean, it almost worked for five full minutes. But then, it was,
ByeBye... 

	The last two girls, I see often these days. But to them it
seems I'm only "Hey, could you help us, we've got a problem?" 
So I think , I'll be nice and help them to the best of my
knowledge, but after, it's like I become translucide or something,
they just see the other guys through me and forget me right away.

	I could spit out many examples of this invisibility,
the last one was only 5 or 6 days ago... But hey... Why bother,
I'm moving again in 4 weeks anyway. 

	So, in my case, "Life Sucks" Period. Here I am, 
twenty years old, and I've never known what shared-loved means.

	Okay, that was my whining of the day... Answer if you
wish, post or email, as you want. 


.------------------------v--------------------------------------.
| SteveD.                |  "Sounds awful" - Marvin             |
| darvs00@dmi.usherb.ca  |  "Life, don't talk to me about life" |
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