From: kettering@addvax.llnl.gov (Brett 'Volleyball Is My Game' Kettering)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Working full-time out of choice
Date: 10 Apr 92 00:09:00 GMT
Article-I.D.: addvax.9APR199217091706
Organization: Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.40

>Recently, I have read couple of articles arguing that parents should
>be willing to spend at least 5 years with their children.  One article

The quantitative aspect does not interest me.  I think that the parents'
priorities should be first each other, second the kids, and then work.

>First of all, let me say this.  I work full time.  In fact, I came
>back to work four weeks after my baby was born, though my paid 
>maternity leave would give me 6 weeks off.  I love my work, and I am
>dammed good at what I am doing.  I thrive on it.  It makes me feel 
>good.  I like the fact that it allows my brain to be challenged on 
>a continuous basis.

Am I alone, or are there others out there that have their brains continually
challenged raising their children?  My wife and I have learned a lot by
experience, asking other more experienced parents, and reading books about
raising children.  I think it's at least as hard as my job and infinitely
more important.  I'm one of those that works little to no overtime in the
R and D arena because of the importance of my family to me.

>   and honestly, horror of horror to those
>   judgmental people, my career is slightly more important
>   than the other two.

>   and totally devoted to him as parents is unusual luck.

This is quite ironic, considering the two exerpts from the original post
directly above it.

>a. A happy, fulfilled person makes a better role model and
>   a terrific parent.

I liked a scene in a recent movie about a single mother that is pursuing
a comedy career.  To paraphrase she says that kids would rather have a
crazy, insane, suicidal parent in the next room rather than a happy,
fullfilled, role model parent away from home.  I couldn't agree with that
more.  I believe that even when children are older (read teenagers) they
still derive some sense of security knowing that a parent is home and
available to them.


>b. A child needs to learn that the whole world does not
>   revolve around them.  His/her needs are very important, but
>   they do not COMPLETELY take precedence over other people's.

I don't believe this for a young child, especially an infant.
And even though kids will eventually learn this is a reality in their
relationships with others, they shouldn't have to experience it from their
parents because of a job that the parent loves more than the child.

> We will help, but we will
>   not put our lives on hold for him.  He will have to learn 
>   to negotiate and assert himself.

You make it sound like you're raising a corporate mogul, not a child.
To some extent, one's life is put on hold in raising children.  Learning
to assert oneself and negotiate are not lessons that small children should
be expected to learn.

>   The way I see it, Daniel is lucky to have us as parents.  
>   Having two people who are very much in love with each other 

I'll agree with this.  IMHO, parents cannot give a child a greater gift
than the security of knowing the parents love each other and the child.

>Having said all this, let me add another line (I saved this
>for last, since this may sound like a self defense, and I have
>nothing to defend with regard to my decision to work full
>time).

Your entire post sounded like self defense to me.

>I think Daniel gets much, much, and much more out of us since
>we work full time.

I obviously disagree.  I think he'd get much more out of you if you were
there when he needs you, not when you can pencil him in your schedule.
Try to put yourself in the place of your child.  When he grows up will he
remember how smart and hardworking mom and dad were or will he think,
"Where were my mom and dad when I was growing up?"?

I believe that kids will treasure the memories of the time spent with parents
far more than the things that parents give them or the status and prestige
that parents achieve professionally.  I am glad that my parents were there
for me.  My dad was fortunate to be able to go to work early and get off
early so that he could coach my baseball and basketball teams.  My mom stayed
at home until I was junior in high school then she went to work to save money
for me to go to college.  These are my good memories.  I know, and though
I may not have acknowledged it as a kid, I knew my parents valued me more
than their jobs.

A guy I used to work with says that you have to keep work in perspective.
He says that most of us are not Newton or Einstein caliber.  In 20 years
the things that we do professionally will probably have long since been
obsoleted, especially in our industry.  Do your best at work, but don't
allow it to consume you.

A deceased leader of my church, David O. McKay once said,

"No other success can compensate for failure in the home."

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Brett M. Kettering
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Unknown Debater: "We need a national speed limit of 55 mph."
Homer Simpson  : "Oh sure, it might save a few lives, but millions
		  would be late."
Sammy Hagar    : "I can't drive 55."
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