From: Szymon Rusinkiewicz <smr2@cornell.edu>
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Followup-To: rec.humor,alt.cascade
Organization: Totally Disorganized...
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 92 22:46:47 GMT

Bob Campbell (rsc@hao.ucar.edu) writes:
>In article <Bxrp95.DIC@cen.ex.ac.uk>, cs92mjd@cen.ex.ac.uk (M.J.Davis) writes:
>> Jacob Solomon Weinstein writes:
>>    |Matt Welsh writes:
>>    |>Brian Cash writes:
>>    |>>Peter /\/\odin writes:
>>    |>>|>jacobw@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Jacob Solomon Weinstein) writes:
>>    |>>|>
>>    |>>|>>In article <1992Nov12.162326.16772@tolten.puc.cl>
>>    |>>mbfarah@isluga.puc.cl (MIGUEL BRAXTON FARAH) writes:
>>    |>>|>>>THOMAS LUNDQUIST (thomasez@dhhalden.no) wrote:
>>    |>>|>>>: In article <gunnarh.241.721248782@dhhalden.no> gunnarh@dhhalden.no
>>    |>>(GUNNAR HORRIGMO) writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >From: gunnarh@dhhalden.no (GUNNAR HORRIGMO)
>>    |>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
>>    |>>|>>>: >Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 18:53:02 GMT
>>    |>>|>>>: >From: slb22@cunixb.cc.columbia.edu (Seth L. Blumberg)
>>    |>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
>>    |>>|>>>: >Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 02:48:42 GMT
>>    |>>|>>>: >
>>    |>>|>>>: >rbw%apple.com@fico.UUCP (Randy Wong) writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>dmsilev@athena.mit.edu (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>sdoran@sam.ksu.ksu.edu (Steven Marcotte) writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>bgohari@wam.umd.edu (Babak Gohari) writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>tilden@sportster.ksu.ksu.edu (Tilden-Master of Illogic) writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>dlutz@willamette.edu (David Lutz) writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>dmsilev@athena.mit.edu (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>brat@access.digex.com (Brat Wizard) writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>galt%peruvian.utah.edu@cs.utah.edu writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage] writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>lairdpg@lub001.lamar.edu writes
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>22161-bunz writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Brett G Person writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>smith@ctron.com writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>IronEagle writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Matt Welsh writes:
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my
>>    |>>Timex Sinclair!
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Top THAT!
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System. 
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on
>>    |>>my Sears PONG
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>game.
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX
>>    |>>Mailer on my
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>Game-Boy.
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the
>>    |>>replies!
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>slowing it down.
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The
>>    |>>batteries on my
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>calculator-watch are running out.
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the
>>    |>>lights, NO
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>ONE would be getting news...
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA
>>    |>>contract to run on
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm
>>    |>>ALSO able to
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between
>>    |>>commercials!
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Beat THAT!
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system
>>    |>>out of 2
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>calculations of particle vectors during the Big Bang. A complete
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the
>>    |>>universe, accurate
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last
>>    |>>half hour
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>getting X11 to run on my slide rule.  I am still having problems
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>connecting it to the net around here, but I would welcome any
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>suggestions.
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds
>>    |>>off of a
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>paperclip.  Not to mention the fact that I am designing a
>>    |>>new form of
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue
>>    |>>paper.  Next!!!
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator
>>    |>>utilizing
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating
>>    |>>everything in
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large
>>    |>>glass of water.
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this
>>    |>>very moment, 
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, while
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>>Pentium.
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in a
>>    |>>|>>>: >project
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes
>>    |>>(To see what
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>would happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an
>>    |>>interesting one.) My
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>hardware consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With
>>    |>>it, I can do
>>    |>>|>>>: >>>real-time simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
>>    |>>|>>>: >>You guys are wimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave
>>    |>>oven into a
>>    |>>|>>>: >>paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm
>>    |>>having so far is
>>    |>>|>>>: >>that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it
>>    |>>raw . . .
>>    |>>|>>>: >
>>    |>>|>>>: >Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
>>    |>>|>>>: >negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which is
>>    |>>|>>>: >currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6
>>    |>>per picosecond,
>>    |>>|>>>: >was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your
>>    |>>microwave's control
>>    |>>|>>>: >panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat Arthur was
>>    |>>FTPing hundreds
>>    |>>|>>>: >of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741
>>    |>>A.D. over
>>    |>>|>>>: >the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built for him, and
>>    |>>this may have
>>    |>>|>>>: >been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My sincere apologies to
>>    |>>everyone who
>>    |>>|>>>: >noticed any performance degradation.
>>    |>>|>>>: 
>>    |>>|>>>: Damn, I thought I was doin' smoe really advanced R&D. But I only have a 
>>    |>>|>>>: humble feather pen with build in spell checking. It checks all languages 
>>    |>>|>>>: since Adam & Eve plus a few forthcoming languages. But after what
>>    |>>I've seen 
>>    |>>|>>>: here, thats not good enough for a Nobel Price..I have to work harder...
>>    |>>|>>>: Maybe some of the languages from outer space will help ?? I just have to 
>>    |>>|>>>: use my FingerNail Time&Universe Transporter(tm) to get there and
>>    |>>learn them.
>>    |>>|>>>
>>    |>>|>>>You're all a bunch of lazy pseudo-programmers. When you have, as I, set
>>    |>>|>>>up an entire University Unix net (with Mail, IRC, more than 2 MUDs, ano-
>>    |>>|>>>nymous ftp, etc etc etc etc etc ) on a Turing Machine, we'll talk.
>>    |>>|>
>>    |>>|>>Hahaha! Fools! You think that's impressive? I've wired together every
>>    |>>|>>computer on the Internet with Quantum-Thin Wire (tm), and programmed it
>>    |>>|>>to act like a really big abacus. Running 8 x 10^100^10^10^10^4
>>    |>>|>>calculations a millisecond, I hope to solve the equation 5x = 10
>>    |>>|>>by sometime next week. Now _that's_ progress.
>>    |>>|>Then how about this: I've constructed the first computer ever made of one
>>    |>>|>single Hydrogen atom. There are a couple of advantages with it; 1. it can
>>    |>>|>be inhaled for transport; 2. it relies entirely on voice-detecting for input,
>>    |>>|>and a hologram for output (that was the tricky part), and 3. it creates
>>    |>>|>two copies of itself every second, allowing for multiple processes! I'm
>>    |>>|>speaking this reply right now to a cloud in front of me, using a Voice
>>    |>>|>Detection version (mine, really) of X-Windows in 3D. NEXT!
>>    |>>|>--
>>    |>>HA! You pikers are still using matter and energy?  I did a
>>    |>>.5i rotate on a thumb-tack and some Skittles(tm), and I created
>>    |>>a TRUELY complex machine! It does (60+135i) Gig ops per sec and
>>    |>>has (as for as I can tell) infinite data store.  The entire machine
>>    |>>is imaginary, except the power supply.  I control it via
>>    |>>Mind Control Interface(tm) (I got a pat., so watch it! Or I'll
>>    |>>get you on a look-and-feel suit!) and I am using it to win 
>>    |>>Spelling Bees all over the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
>>    |>
>>    |>SO? I run System V on my VIC-20! 
>>    |>Wait... I already said that...
>>    |Silly boys and girls. I've used 3.5 billion years of evolution to
>>    |develop self-regenerating tri-jointed extensions at the end of my limbs
>>    |which I can use to count up to ten. My researchers are hard at work on a
>>    |new breakthrough, and, if it pans out, I'll be counting _up to twenty_
>>    |in a matter of weeks.
>> Having successfully implemented a four-dimensional, totally intuitive GUI that
>> transfers your files to a trashcan in hyperspace before you knew you wanted to
>> delete them on a single M&M, I'm now using a whole _packet_ of the little
>> blighters to carry out some *serious* parallel processing. The system has now
>> worked out all of my assignments for the next 15 years (anticipating all major
>> OS developments) even though I don't yet know what they're going to be. 
>
>Gee.  All I've got is laser I made from a No. 2 pencil with a copper wire wrapped
>around it, a dead AA battery, and some spit (the important part).
>
Finally! Someone discovered the true capabilities of plain 'ol human spit. I've
managed to get an (infinity)^3.1 MIPS massively-parallel-processing machine
running on the tip of my tongue. It's really neat when you can get
well-optimized infinite loops finishing in just under 1.3 seconds... In fact, I
just proved Fermat's Last Theorem by brute force, though to save bandwidth I
won't post the results here........
--
+------------------------------------------+   #include <fancy/ascii.graphics>
| Szymon Rusinkiewicz (smr2@cornell.edu)   |     #include <std/disclaimer.h>
+------------------------------------------+     #include <misc/witty/quote>
| (This space intentionally left blank...) |       grep flames > /dev/null
+------------------------------------------+