From: callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan)
Subject: Re: Books & MY New Year's
Organization: Johns Hopkins Computer Science Department, Baltimore, MD
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 21:06:54 GMT

pmarlowe@noncomf.tdkcs.waterloo.on.ca (philip marlowe) writes:

> Hey...what am I, the cheerleader for alt.angst? 

I thought *I* was!

>Maybe you (and everyone 
>else) will think that I'm spoiling the brooding fun of dining on ashes by 
>posting two of these "chin up" messages in a row, but what the hell. 

Hmmm... so what you're saying--if I understand--is that if we did chin ups,
we'd have more luck with babes.  Sounds plausible... but I've never had much 
in the way of upper body strength, and the whole fitness culture never 
appealed to me.

(oh yeah, this is Usenet, so please add ":-)" to above paragraph)

On a more serious note:

>This
>message struck pretty close to home in some aspects -- the fake new 
>year's story convinced me (sure, he excess "oh, she's so beautiful" 
>details are too much, but Heart Stuff [tm] can make one see all sorts of 
>nice things), and the bitterness underneath was like a slap in the face.

Who's bitter now?  I kind of thought the story was real (if idealized).
The ending was surprising, yeah, but a slap in the face?  I assure you that
he didn't write it as a way to offend you, personally. 

> Is this what you expect? The Ideal Woman, perfect in every aspect, even 
>down to her major? Is this what you want? Believe that you can attain?

Well, it *was* an idealization.  Though I confess that I never saw why people 
would want to date someone in their field.  I like Computer Science, but  
I'd prefer to discuss something else at dinner (or in bed for that matter).

> Hey, I won't try to preach the "looks don't matter" gospel, because you 
>and I know that it's just so much crap, BUT...I've always found picture 
>perfect model-types to be boring. Call it sour grapes, call it what you 
>will, but flawed and/or ideosyncratic good looks attract me more. 

I know exactly what you mean, here.  I'm also very attracted to personality 
flaws... Still, I find there are actually more good-looking women in the
world than there are exquisitely-flawed women.  I don't find that this
attitude actually helps me get dates.  

>They 
>say that physical features have no bearing on what's inside, and I say 
>that they're wrong -- poise, expression, style, these things often 
>accurately mirror the personality within. When I read what you wrote, I 
>dunno...seems flat. Maybe an examination of expectations are in order...
> And besides, I find the CS-major aspect to be the most telling. Are you 
>a CS-major yourself? I certainly think so...why do you want a carbon copy 
>of yourself? Does she have to be exactly like you? What's the fun in 
>that?

Give the guy a break.  You are right about all of this, but... I mean...
it's his fantasy world and he can populate it as he pleases.  Anyway, maybe
he just meant that he'd have more luck with a CS woman, because she wouldn't
be as likely to think he was a geek. 

You know, you don't sound like the cheerleader.  You sound more like the coach.

> Some people born NOT to fall in love? Yeah...and some people are born 
>not to breathe. I totally understand your opinion that "Some day, it'll 
>happen to you"-type advice is small consolation, but it's like those 
>annoying things that your parents always told you. You don't want to hear 
>it, but it's the truth.

Well... Things in life are not so easy.  Like I could get run over by a
truck today, and then I'd never have had a really satisfying relationship 
with a woman.  Or I could just keep on being unlucky.  There really are
people who remain lonely through their lives, just like there are people
who--say--die of cancer.  It's not their fault.  It's not that they didn't
have a positive attitude.  Things just didn't work out.

What do I do about it?  I guess I try to focus on the things I can enjoy in life
whether or not I'm in love.  I keep looking, but I'll survive either way.
--
Paul Callahan (callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu)   
..who wouldn't mind Usenet so much, 
except you have to go out for espresso,
and there's nobody shouting "Go, Daddy, Go!"
Newsgroups: alt.angst