Newsgroups: alt.child-support
Subject: Re: View from a Step-Parent (was: child support probs)
From: lisa@oneb2.almanac.bc.ca
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 92 08:41:27 PST
Organization: The Old Coot's (Spare) Almanac

beaver@castor.cs.psu.edu (Don Beaver) writes:

> In article <Z13VVB1w165w@oneb2.almanac.bc.ca> lisa@oneb2.almanac.bc.ca writes
> >jim@jimmc.chi.il.us (jim mcnicholas) writes:
> >
> >> grease@oneb2.almanac.bc.ca writes:
> >> 
> >> > Hey dickheads (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)...with regards to Lisa and her
> >> > little girl`s pony
> 
> >No question Gary's post was anything but intellectual. I don't believe
> >it was intended as such. Personally, I felt he wasted a good opportunity
> >to contribute a different perspective that we hear little of on this net, th
> >of the "step-parent".  Oh well, it was his nickel, I guess.
> 
> >Gary was in animation for 10 years before he moved in with us. Its a very
> >"on again, off again" business, and he could no longer afford to have an
> >unstable, unpredictable income.
> > ... Now he works 9 - 5,
> >5 days a week and should realize an annual net of about $18,500.00, next yea
> 
> >Now, Gary has given all but his cigarette money to helping provide for child
> >that he loves dearly, though they're not his.
> 
> >I'd be most interested in hearing from step-parents out there in situations
> >like ours.
> 
> 
> As one of the "dickheads" and "pathetic excuse for parents" that Gary
> so lovingly addressed, here's a hard-earned nickel, too.
> 
> 
> When we lived in New York, I paid $650/month for daycare for my stepson
> (we couldn't afford 5-days/week, so I stayed home two days, too) (my
> wife was in graduate school, with zero income) and we had four people 
> in a one-bedroom apartment.
> 
> I had no complaints.  A hug from him was more than enough.

I'm sure Gary would agree with you on this one (hug value!). If he didn't
feel the girls' love was worth the responsibilities/concerns, he wouldn't
be with us now. But it also hurts both of us to have such a difficult time
just feeding everybody, when my ex could easily contribute support so
that the girls could have properly fitting clothes, more variety in their
diet, and maybe even money to go swimming/skating every Thursday!

> We received no money from his father -- nor should we have, IMO, because
> he should not have been required to support our living in an expensive
> city (now, Pennsylvania is a bit cheaper).  And I made sure my stepson 
> kept as much contact with him as possible, because I love my stepson.
> 
> 
> You know, I do have sympathy for your situation.  And I have very little
> sympathy for someone who doesn't pay support, *provided* he was treated
> fairly and equally by the court system.  (My stepson's father was 
> emphatically *not*.)
> 
> 
> But I have no sympathy for a foul-mouthed jerk who complains about
> moving to a stable job to pay for stepchildren that he claims to love,
> and has no clue about life, responsibility, or IMNSHO, fairness.

Again, my post has been misread..._I_ wrote about Gary's change of
occupation, not Gary, and never did I, nor he, complain about it. I
believe my point was to convey the responsible choices he has made
in order to do his best to help provide for our family. No one is
complaining about it, for Pete's sake!  That post, as I recall, was my
response to someone's comment that Gary didn't know anything about what
it means to be a parent, what its like to be on the verge of bankruptcy,
etc., as a result of efforts to raise a family.

> And I have little sympathy for opinions like those of Sue Bishop and 
> others, who claim that NCP's should be LEGALLY (as opposed to "morally")
> required to pay for luxuries -- of any size or importance.  Or that
> what is LEGALLY ordered is what is just.
> 
Oh, give it a rest!

Lisa

               lisa@oneb2.almanac.bc.ca (Lisa Lambeth)
                      The Old Coot's Almanac
               Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada
                    Courtesy the old coot hisse'f!
Newsgroups: alt.child-support