From: ad815@yfn.ysu.edu (John S. Kennedy)
Subject: Goals of a Relationship
Reply-To: ad815@yfn.ysu.edu (John S. Kennedy)
Organization: St. Elizabeth Hospital, Youngstown, OH
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 07:20:29 GMT


Sometimes, messages that inspire great thought are to be found on
someplace as sometimes as opressive as Tri-State Online in Cincinnati
(which can be reached by telnetting to tso.uc.edu and logging in as a
 visitor)
 
________________________________________
     To: /media/jeanie/bb                  Msg #: 10899
   From: usr8051a (Lisa Chieco)               On: 08/16/92  20:44
  About: #10895(above)                   Replies: 1
Subject: Re: Unavailable Loves
 
I know both parties are well aware that more is wanted, but I have found
lately that most men I know don't seem able to conceive of the idea of
having a relationship that doesn't require life long commitment..I think
that lots of men think that is a woman's ultimate goal..to snare a mate..
but I want to share a frienship - a deep
and special one with romance involved..where the two parties can count on 
one another to be there and care. No labels or mapping of the future. I don't
mean a transitory sort of thing as a necessity, but it IS possible for a 
woman to just want the proverbial "boyfriend" without all the other 
"next steps" involved..
Is dating still done?? What ever happened to going out together..accompanying
one another to "couples" events or just spending a quiet evening together?
Why is this so hard to find?
 
----------------------------------------
 
Lisa, this "romantic friendship" seems to add up, functionally, to the
same sort of stuff that is, hopefully, present in a "committment".  In
some ways, I am tremendously confused by what you are writing here.  I
mean -- once you have found someone who you love, care for, let's call
a spade a bloody shovel -- have great sex with -- is there not a
certain instinct on the parts of people of BOTH sexes to attempt to
perpetuate this condition?
 
I mean really -- if not for "classical" reasons, there is this little
HIV thing going around and being able to find a mutually satisfying
sexual relationship for life can be the difference between life and
death.
 
Alot of people think that a good way to perpetuate the situation is 
to get married.  However, I know damn well that the only way to
perpetuate the situation is to put a good healthy dose of labor into
the process of making sure that the needs of both parties are being met.
 
"Dating" is still done if two people enjoy doing certain things
together.  I don't think organized courtship is done as much as it used
to be.  I think people are beginning to be more honest with themselves.
 
Me for instance -- there's not a whole heck of alot that I like to do
in terms of "going out".  I don't care for loud nightclubs, I'm not all
that politically active -- there's not a whole heck of alot that I'd
probably do in an organized "dating" situation.  I was never looking
for someone to "date" -- I think the whole concept is bloody stupid and
highschoolish -- I was looking for someone to love, care for, and,
let's face it, have sex with on a regular basis.  It took a heck of
a long time, but I was honest about what I was looking for and looked
as many places as I could think of and I finally found what I was
looking for.
 
Be honest about what you want and search high and low and you will find
what you seek as well.
 
         John
-- 
** John S. Kennedy (513) 541-3078 axinar@tso.uc.edu 72217.416@compuserve.com
The opinions expressed in this message are those of the person speaking,
and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of St. E's Med Center, or the
NPTN, but Mr. Kennedy's opinions SHOULD be made federal law!
Newsgroups: soc.couples