HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: andsol@is.rice.edu (Andrew J. Solberg)
Subject: Terror At Two A.M.
Organization: Rice University
Date: Sat, 25 Jul 1992 06:10:08 GMT

The phone rang.  Clarisse Starling, FBI, picked it up.  There was a great 
  deal of static on the line.  "Hello?"

"Clarisse?  Shipley here.  I think we got another."

"Damn."  Clarisse looked at her watch.  "Where are you?"

"Biloxi.  You better scram a jet -- you'll want to see this."

Clarisse got the location and hung up.  She made a few calls to arrange
  for transport, grabbed her overnight bag (always packed), and headed out
  the door.  On the way the phone rang again.

"Crap...."  She picked it up.  "Hello?"

There was a dry chuckle on the other end of the line.  "Hello, Clarisse.
  Working late again?"

"Lecter."  It wasn't quite a greeting; more a statement of fact.  She hadn't
  heard from him in years, but she had known all along that he might try to
  contact her again.  This was really quite bold of him, though; calling
  directly into FBI HQ was a sure-fire way to have one's exact position
  determined in seconds.  

Hannibal continued to chuckle gently as Agent Starling composed herself. 
  "Dr. Lecter, sir, I really don't have time for games, so..."

He cut in: "Clarisse.  I know the troubles you are having.  Wait -- let me
  guess.  You've just had another one called in.  Third in as many weeks,
  eh?  It'll be a little hard to keep the lid on the media soon, hmmm?
  Tsk tsk...."

Clarisse had experience with Hannibal's mind games, not to mention his
  legendary perception and seeming omniscience.  "Dr. Lecter, if you have 
  any details you wish to share with us...."

Click!  The phone went dead.  "Damn!" shouted Clarisse and slammed the phone 
  down onto the cradle.  The digital readout next to the phone displayed the
  number of the call's origin.  Clarisse checked it out; as she suspected,
  that number did not exist.  Lecter was up to his old tricks again.

Still -- Clarisse was forced to concede that without Lecter's help, the FBI
  probably would not catch this latest pattern criminal.  In all likelihood,
  thought Clarisse, Lecter would try to lend a hand in return for another
  piece of her soul.  Such an exchange had cost her dearly the last time....

But that didn't matter.  If Lecter could help, Clarisse was willing to play
  the game, no matter what the price.

This serial prank caller *had* to be stopped.


-- 
Andrew Solberg          |"If I were your wife I'd poison your tea!" 
Undying University Mooch|              Anon. Outraged British Woman
andsol@owlnet.rice.edu  |"And if I were your husband I'd drink it!"
Phone:713-529-8627      |              Winston Churchill

			
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius)
Subject: saturn
Organization: Encore Computer Corporation
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 17:24:35 GMT

I went shopping for cars the other day since the 'Vette finally gave out.
As much as I hated to, I knew that I would have to run the gauntlet of
the dread car salesmen.  I figured that stopping at a Saturn dealer
would be a refreshing change, since they sell the cars at the sticker
price with no haggling.  I go for a test drive and it was nice enough
if it was a little small.  The salesman was real enthusiastic about all
the safety features.

He was also enthusiastic about the plastic outer body.

He actually gave one car a good kick as another couple approached us.

The man said, "Do you mind?  That is _my_ car!"

I didn't buy a Saturn.
--
mr asynchronous                                   kschnitzius@encore.com
From: bard@cutter.ssd.loral.com (James Woodyatt)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Miles loses it (100 words)
Date: 30 Jul 92 03:22:01 GMT
Reply-To: bard@cutter.ssd.loral.com
Organization: Abiogenesis 4 Less

In article <1992Jul30.030733.2488@wdl.loral.com>, bard@cutter.ssd.loral.com (James Woodyatt) writes:
#    ``Oh God, what do I say? If I tell him what I really think, he'll
# be upset, and if I tell him what he seems to want to hear, I won't be
# able to sleep tonight because I'll have lied to him.

This was actually going to be about 300 words or so in order to make
it really chilling in a mundane kind of way with some really sick and
twisted reasoning, but I chose not to -- not because I'm a wimp or
anything -- because I think the 100 word story is a pretty keen idea
for a talk.bizarre staple, and I think its use ought to be promoted.

-- 
J H Woodyatt (a.k.a. Dr. Strychnine)
Space Systems/Loral

"In space, I would make hi-fi gravity waves to transmit my compositions
to people in their sealed spacesuits, who would automatically dance."
                                   -- Bill Gibson (billbill@wetware.com)




























You think they believed it?

No. You're a lying fuck.

It was a white lie.

A lie is a lie is a lie.

Will you ever forgive me?

You bet, sweetums... but first, you must be punished.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.cascade
From: csuley@cs.cornell.edu (Christopher Suley)
Subject: Re: Chicago is...
Followup-To: alt.cascade
Summary: Please no flames, note Followup.
Organization: Cornell Univ. CS Dept, Ithaca NY 14853
Date: Fri, 31 Jul 1992 18:20:14 GMT

In article <92213.132440MDSQC@CUNYVM.BITNET> <MDSQC@CUNYVM.BITNET> writes:
>>#  Chicago is *not* my kind of town.  Doesn't feel like a city.  Speaking
>>#  from experience.
>>
>>The cargo is hot, I kind of drown.  Mustn't peel Walter Mitty.  Spanking
>>and aperients.
>
>Where's Waldo and spot? I tend to drone. Wasn't free, falter prettily.
>Slapping on appropriates.

Geraldo's been shot! Why, mend your own. Birds n' bees, Walter Mitty.
Flapping old 'a posteriori'.
From: lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: BUSH
Date: Sat, 25 Jul 92 02:23:33 PDT
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
  <1992Jul25.024102.29874@ncsu.edu>

In article <1992Jul23.224852.1@msscc.med.utah.edu> 
finerty@msscc.med.utah.edu (I_AM_NOTHING_AND_KNOW_EVEN_LESS) writes:

> the types of abortion in which limbs and head etc. are visible 
> enough are late 2nd and 3rd trimester abortions which
> constitue a very small percentage (sorry no data for this). 

: Sometimes these fetuses are born alive after an abortion attempt. 

nothing.
just nothing.
just abso bloody lutely noting
like an expert in the field

to make this clear
 
teenagers.
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
| lord snooty @the giant | how DARE they cancel Dennis Miller?             |
| poisoned electric head |                               andrew palfreyman |
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:23107 alt.politics.bush:167 alt.politics.clinton:544
From: mrx@annexia.esd.sgi.com (you: coma: marilyn monroe)
Subject: 100 words
Organization: the atrocity exhibition
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1992 00:08:33 GMT



He met Fear on a flat expanse of I-5, halfway from Fresno to
L.A.  It crept up from behind, flashed its high-beams, and
pulled up beside him in the fast lane.  Fear drove a battered
red Mustang, its faded chassis spotted with rust.

The window rolled down and Fear turned to watch him, lips pulled 
back from decaying teeth, eyes sunken into dark sockets.  He 
floored the accelerator, but Fear kept pace alongside him at 80, 
90, 100 miles per hour.

When he finally turned and saw the tanker sprawled across his
lane, he didn't have time to be surprised.


			
				mr x
From: kontos@clipper.ingr.com (Thorne Kontos)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: ADOLPH HITLER WAS A WOMAN
Keywords: Brazilian doctor performs autopsy
Date: 29 Jul 92 17:21:59 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Intergraph Advanced Processor Division - Palo Alto, CA


     Once again, our friends at the Weekly World News have outscooped
the major players again. According to a Brazilian doctor who 
performed the autopsy, Adolph wasn't an Adolph at all. (Adolphine?)
The doctor also claims the age of death was 103...

Revisionists take note: WWII was caused by a bad case of the cramps...
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov ( Scott Dorsey)
Subject: Re: Homophobia
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 12:06:51 GMT

>)That doesn't mean that we can't refuse to accept change in the language.
>)Since usage is language, by refusing to use new words or phrases as they
>)begin to enter the language and refusing to recognize them as part of the
>)language, we ourselves can keep the language as static and unchanging as
>)we wish.  
>
>WHAT ARE YOU, A FAG?

Nope, even worse.  I'm a bitter former English major.
--scott
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: phil@eos.arc.nasa.gov (Phil Stone)
Subject: Re: Homework for Newbies
Organization: Oldbie-on-a-Stick, Inc.
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 01:14:30 GMT

In article <70241@apple.Apple.COM> bc@apple.com (bill coderre) writes:
>NB: exactly one hundred words. No more, no less.


Loosen the grip and remember to keep your shoulder down, he thought.
Don't lift your eyes until the follow-through.  Now, a smooth, level
swing...THWUNK!  Ah, that was well stroked.  He lined up the next one,
expelled a little breath, felt relaxed concentration suffuse his being,
then swung.  SKWERK!  Oh, the ecstacy of a perfect hit!  "Continual
Improvement" was not just an expensive cliche, he realized.  He hefted
the thirty-eight ounce Louisville Slugger in his hands, and smiled at
the squirming, gagged head of the surviving member of the Total Quality
Managment Implementation Team.  This one would be the best yet.


		Phil ( Time to Quit, Man )
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.politics.bush,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.misc
From: n9020351@henson.cc.wwu.edu (James Douglas Del-Vecchio)
Subject: Re: BUSH
Organization: Western Washington University
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 09:10:42 GMT

ddl1542@hertz.njit.edu (Derek Lee!) writes:
>	1. Bush is respnsible for the actions of looters because he
>	has not addressed the issues of inner city strife. While I
>	am not defending the looters which carted off TVs and stuff,
>	the majority of looters looted clothing and food, items which
>	they already would have had if Bush had passed some decent inner
>	city legislation to revitalize these areas. Bush sees inner city
>	minorities as insignificant, they cannot do anything for him and
>	a large part of the inner city does not vote. Find an oil well in
>	Compton and I bet you'll get his attention. It's just an empirical
>	example of social neglect leading to revolution.

No, it's just an empirical example of scumbags showing why they should be 
inside prison rather than out on parole.

Jim Del Vecchio
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rdc@netcom.com (Rajagopalan Dabholkars Chemmanoor)
Subject: Re: Who was that Iranian Olympic team member
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 92 02:21:14 GMT
Organization: Herbalife Inc.

IN SOC.CULTURE.IRANIAN 01saeid@ac.dal.ca writes:
)
)You guys, I am sure that some of SAW the opening cermony of the 
                                  ^^^
)OLYMPIC on NBC. I am wondering if anybody knows who the
^^^^^^^^
)iranian SKINY guy with long hair dude was that was marching in the
         ^^^^^
)middle of the second row. He had hair longer than his FORHEAD
                                                       ^^^^^^^
)and he was kind of tacky GUY. 
                          ^^^
)I thought those looks are KIND of BAND in Iran but it was very
                           ^^^^    ^^^^
)surprising to see them back.







Good morning Class.  Welcome to English 1a, for new immigrants.
I'll be your instructor, Mr. Carasso.

Today we will learn to greet strangers. Repeat after me:

	Would you like fries with that?

Again:	
	Would you like fries with that?



-- 
_______________________________________________________________
Rajagopalan Dabholkars Chemmanoor,
Dietary Researcher,
Fiber Team,	     "Be one, be peace, be  like the hajiputki"
Herbalife Inc.			-Maharji Marhiyogi
E-mail:  rdc@netcom.com
_______________________________________________________________
From: vail@tegra.COM (Johnathan Vail)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: FAX.BOB REMINDER
Date: 28 Jul 92 20:27:55 GMT
Distribution: ne
Organization: Tegra, Inc., Billerica, MA
In-reply-to: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM's message of 28 Jul 92 02:33:09 GMT


In article <1992Jul28.023309.17541@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM> jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods) writes:
   In <3448@atlas.tegra.COM> vail@tegra.COM (Johnathan Vail) writes:
   >In article <waterman.711225174@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu> waterman@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (T.S. Waterman) writes:
   >   rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly) writes:
   >   >In article <3439@atlas.tegra.COM> vail@tegra.COM (Johnathan Vail) writes:
   >   >>Ideally it probably should be in or near Boston.

   Sadly, $12.95 is too much to pay for a map I don't need, even one with a
   mistake that glorious.

I guess that means *I* don't have a BoB until the end of september, if
ever.

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: djd33237@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Denny d'Alelio )
Subject: Prom Night
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 20:08:36 GMT

	Johnny was excited.  Prom night was finally here. He had been waiting
for this day for two months.  His knees were shaking.  "Is she gonna like
me? Geesh, I hate first dates. Why did I have to make our first date Prom?"
He donned his tuxedo and went down stairs.

	"Doesn't our little boy look so grown up!"

	"Mom...stop that.  When are you going to let me grow up?"

	"She means well son. Come here a minute I want to talk to you," his dad
said as he ushered him off to the corner. "You need some money?" 
	
	"No dad. Well on second thought I could use a little, 'ncase I run out
	of gas or somthing."

	"No sweat, how about a $50?...That's what I thought. Uh... Johnny, do 
you have you party hat?"

	"Dad, nobody wears top hats anymore, c'mon..geesh!" 
	
	"No Johnny, what I mean is, well, uh....Are you planning to fuck your
	date tonight?"

	"Oh. Yes Dad I have my Party Hat." Johnny couldn't believe it.  His 
dad, never acted like this before. "Prom must be something special," he said
to himsel as helft to get his date. "After all, it isn't every night that
a Catholic priest offers to give his illegitimate son condoms to fuck his
companion on their first date.

	
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: finerty@msscc.med.utah.edu (I_AM_NOTHING_AND_KNOW_EVEN_LESS)
Subject: deja vu
Organization: University of Utah Computer Center
Date: 26 Jul 92 21:24:03 MST

hi,i am small. i have a mind. i am a man. does this make me a small minded man? 
often times i am awake late at night and wonder these things. often times i am 
not awake late at night but asleep and i dream about other things. however, i 
cannot usually remember these things. does this make them any less significant? 
i think there is a good posibility that these dreams which i do not remember 
are the source of any deja vu feelings that i sometimes get during my waking 
hours.  
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:24086 alt.cascade:1529
From: rone@girtab.usc.edu (Ron Echeverri)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.cascade
Subject: Re: toast
Followup-To: alt.cascade
Date: 30 Jul 1992 21:53:34 -0700
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: girtab.usc.edu

al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka) writes:
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Marmalade.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Marmoreal.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Mont Martre.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Monroe Doctrine.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Maroney Award.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Mutlu Prize.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Maltese Falcon.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Malpighian corpuscle.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Manon of the Spring.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Man of War.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Mather, Cotton.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>>Mann Act.
)>>>>>>>>>>>>Menarche.
)>>>>>>>>>>>Manny, Moe, and Jack
)>>>>>>>>>>M3 Money Supply.
)>>>>>>>>>Morgan le Fay
)>>>>>>>>Megalomania.
)>>>>>>>Mea culpa.
)>>>>>>Mezzanine Loge.
)>>>>>Mezzo-soprano.
)>>>>Monsieur Beaucaire.
)>>>Moses and Monotheism.
)>>Mead in Valhalla.
)>Mata Hari and Milhouse Nixon.
)Mohorovicic Discontinuity.
Mambo malaise.

5150
cannot resist a good cascade
From: rdc@netcom.com (Bob D. Crane)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Splotch, a Racter/Eliza type routine
Date: 21 Jul 92 19:30:09 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,comp.ai,alt.newbie
Organization: Symbolics Institute

IN TALK.BIZARRE wew@naucse.cse.nau.edu (Bill Wilson) writes:
)
)Give us a break.  Are you the end-all in computer programmers Mr.
)Crane?  Were you born a programmer or did you learn like the rest
)of us?
    ^^
hmmm.... aparently he hasn't learned yet:

)Newsgroups: talk.bizarre, comp.ai, misc.test, comp.robotics,
)	    comp.ai.edu


)It is people like you who give computer professionals a bad name. 

NERD.  LOSER.  GEEK.  wew@naucse.cse.nau.edu


) I would not ever want to have you for an instructor or
)for a manager!  I cannot imagine the audacity that you have.  

Instructor Carasso. Instructor Carasso.  I like the sound of that...

)If you have children, do you treat them the same way?  

I don't have any kids.  Well, not that I know of...

)I commend Mr Fields for putting out a program for others to use
)and hope that he learns from the comments that others may send
)him.  Constructive comments!  Not rubbish like you have thrown
)in his face!  

I commend Mrs Fields for putting out a chocolate chip cookies for
others to eat and excrete and hope that she learns from the comments
that others may send her.  Constructive comments!  Not bloody rubbish
pseudo-british talk like you have thrown in his face!

)You, Mr. Crane should personally apologize for the afront that you 
)have given!

I, Mr. Crane, former star of Hogan's Heros, do formally apologize.


hugs,

stalin.
.

-- 
_________________________________________________________________
Bob D. Crane
Research Programmer,			Programmer		
Blue Engineering Project		Project Soar6
Symbolic Institute			School of Computer Science
University of Illinois
	
E-mail:  rdc@netcom.com
_______________________________________________________________

"The spear in the others heart is the spear in your own,
			you are he"   
	                     ---------  Attributed to Surak.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.smouldering.dog.zone
From: sabbott@nmsu.edu (SDA)
Subject: <insert subject link>
Organization: WHorshipers of Lady LibertY (WHoLLY)
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 17:12:27 GMT



I lay in bed listening to the dog next door bark the monotonous bark.
Outside, I search the the weeds for a rock, but all rocks have been
thrown during early morning forays such as this.

I hop the wall and walk down to the all-night baseball fields.
Middle-aged jocks.  Short men with mustaches and barrel chests and
beer guts swagger about in tight baseball uniforms.  A pitcher hits
a batter with the ball and the scene erupts into violent confusion.
Men are hitting each other with bats and blood drips onto the tidy
ochre soil.  I imagine the dog next door getting his skull crushed
like the pitcher and chuckle a bit. 

I hear a voice behind me, "Aren't you going to join the fun?"

I turn to the woman.  She long brown hair that appears to be pasted to
her bony face.

"I prefer to remain a disinterested observer." 

"Perhaps you're imagining someone or something you know getting, uhm,
pummeled like my husband," she nods in the direction of the lifeless
form of a player.

Her insight causes me to shudder a little.  "Time to hunt for another
one?"

She smiles.

"Oh, I think I'll remain a disinterested observer, at least until
I've completed my mourning."

She jumps off the back end of the bleachers and walks to her car.
I watch her drive away.

Walking back to the house, I fill my pockets with rocks.

--

	\\\\\sean/////
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:23826 alt.angst:2733 alt.prose:1014 alt.smouldering.dog.zone:25
From: Catherine.Collingwood@bbs.oit.unc.edu (Catherine Collingwood)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: one line bio
Date: 22 Jul 92 03:33:14 GMT
Organization: Extended Bulletin Board Service

e
three word bio of Lady Firebird:

"Caught in space."

hah. figure that one out.
 
Catherine Collingwood, aka Lady Firebird
ignore the post address, my e-mail address is catherine@lambada.oit.unc.edu
"Imagination is only intelligence having fun." --Anon.
--
   The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the University of
     North Carolina at Chapel Hill, the Campus Office for Information
        Technology, or the Experimental Bulletin Board Service.
           internet:  bbs.oit.unc.edu or 152.2.22.80
From: mlegare@wetware.com (BoBteCh)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: one line bio: drieux
Date: 23 Jul 92 14:16:08 GMT
Organization: sulphur & oxygen


the incredible thing is how he keep smiling while talking like that.


BoB
teCh
obviously an ascended master
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Subject: Re: Short shameful confession
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 92 23:17:46 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Followup-To: alt.fan.gooley,alt.politics.gooley

In article <BceooB1w165w@mantis.co.uk> mathew@mantis.co.uk (mathew) writes:
>I am often seized by a ghastly desire to poke cruel fun at Markian Gooley.
>
>Most recently, I found myself incredibly tempted to start a "Gooley for Pope"
>thread, on the off-chance that John Paul II was about to kick the bucket.
>After all, I reasoned, Gooley has the three most important qualifications for
>a Pope.

Go ahead.

Poke cruel fun at me.

Carasso does it.

You all secretly either dislike me or don't give a damn about me.

Mark., disqualified from being Pope because I have the backing neither of
God nor even the College of Cardinals
gooley@netcom.com
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kschnitz@encore.com (Kevin Schnitzius)
Subject: Re: The first Starcap'n Ra Olympic Award for Anatomical Excellence
Keywords: Barcelona '92
Organization: Encore Computer Corporation
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 13:40:29 GMT

ra@asuvax.eas.asu.edu (Starcap'n Ra) writes:
>     goes to 10 meter diver Inga Afonina of the
>Unified (former Soviet) Team.

Ah, a sucker for nipples.

Shouldn't that be a 20 or don't you consider women to be the some of
their parts?
--
mr asynchronous                                   kschnitzius@encore.com
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: act@csc.canberra.edu.au (Cyclops)
Subject: Re: Your poor dears (pt. 2).
Organization: University of Canberra
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 92 22:40:04 GMT

jewell@mace.cc.purdue.edu (Larry Jewell) writes:
>Hi, if you don't have me in your kill file yet, do so soon, it's about
>to get a little "hectic" around here :-).

What me worry?

[Lotsa ^L things eaten - no longer hungry - what a Jewell ewe aren't]

act@csc.canberra.edu.au       Eye t'ought Eye taw a putty tat.
Look Once...         .-)      
   Look TwEyece..    .-) .-)       
      Half See...    .-)
From: amigamig@deeptht.armory.com (Daniel Tarsky)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: the future has passed and the time machine is broke
Date: 18 Jul 92 12:13:31 GMT
Distribution: world, net
Organization: The Armory

i don't believe father time will take another i.o.u
-- 
--
 dr@drabbs.capitola.ca.us		Meaningful, yet meaningless... nothing
 amigamig@deeptht.santa-cruz.ca.us	Useful, yet useless... everything	
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:23253 alt.politics.clinton:684 alt.politics.bush:220