From: conditt@tsd.arlut.utexas.edu (Paul Conditt)
Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian
Subject: Re: Marriage?  Just do it!
Date: 24 Dec 92 07:04:32 GMT
Organization: Applied Research Laboratories, University of Texas at Austin

In article <Dec.22.03.31.32.1992.13200@geneva.rutgers.edu> phoenix@cwis.unomaha.edu (Shannon Chris Saltzman) writes:
>
> You made a valid point in that there is no evidence to support
>that living together will in any way improve the quality of a
>marriage(thats not exactly what you said).

Statistically, people who live together before marriage have a much
higher divorce rate than people who do not.  The assumption is that when
people are just "trying it out", there is always in the back of their
mind that back door where they can get out if necessary.  Just walking
down the aisle together doesn't usually change this.

> I do not believe God designed marriage to be a "Just do it" thing.
>Paul warned that marriage was filled with downfalls and SUGGESTED we
>go without it. Certainly if God had the "Just do it" attitude, Paul would
>have been WAY out of line saying that.(NOTE:Paul was not condoning live in
>mate or situations)

AMEN!  The original posting about this subject really pushed a lot of hot
buttons in me.  I recently lost a girlfriend whom I had known about 3
years and had dated nearly 2.  We really wanted to get married, but just
seemed to have a couple of fundamental differences that kept either one
of us from feeling that it was the "right" thing to do.  Unfortunately, I
had come up with some changes in attitude and thinking that I thought
would allow us to continue down that road, but she disagreed :(.  The
confusing thing to me is that we both love the Lord with all of our 
hearts and we loved each other very much.  But still it wasn't ever "right".
What does this mean?  I still stay awake at night pondering this and
hurting over it.  So, the attitude that if you just find a strong 
Christian with whom you're pretty compatible then you should just get
married just don't cut it with me.

> Nobody can tell anyone what True Love is,because it is a matter of opinion,
>but in my definition,True Love is not that nervous(somewhat glorious,somewhat
>nauseating) feeling you get when you are around someone(I believe this goes
>with it at first).True Love is one built under the shelter of our loving
>God,and thus one that endures even after the sweaty  palms and stuttering
>has gone. Nobody can do that in a day.
>How many of us even knew ourselves in a day?

Ah, but we can and *do* know what true love is.  "Rarely will a man lay
down his life for a friend...but this is how we know that God loved us -
He gave his only son so that we might live" (sorry for the loose paraphrase).
One thing that our marriage counselor (even though we weren't married yet)
said was that the way you can tell whether God is working in a relationship
is whether you're experiencing or giving unconditional love.  Unconditional
love is a real tough thing for us to give, because we so rarely get it.
The only place we can count on it, day in and day out, is from our Father
above.  When we experience it from our families, be that in church, our
nuclear family or wherever, then we are truly blessed.  God is obviously
working in those situations because unconditional love can't exist without
God being present.  I think what Shannon was saying is also very important.
"True" love is not only a feeling, although for a marriage to begin, I
think that warm&fuzzy feeling probably needs to be there.  True love is
also a commitment to look out for that other person's well-being -
physical, spiritual and emotional.  True love is to love that person
whether or not they are loving you back at the time.  True love is only
possible when you realize how your Father loves you in spite of all you've
done, in spite of all your faults and shortcomings.  When we have 
received that love from God and can share that with those around us, then
we're probably ready for a marriage, but even more so, we're more capable
than ever of glorifying God in Heaven.

>
>-- 
> MR Shannon Saltzman
> "Is doggie heaven kitty hell?" Stephanie phoenix(age 6)
> "How does teflon stick to a skillet when nothing sticks to teflon?"
> The words of Mike Warnke.


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