From: dlin@weber.ucsd.edu (Diane Lin)
Newsgroups: misc.kids,soc.singles
Subject: Re: BARBIE DOES IT AGAIN!!!!
Summary: dissatisfaction with male stereotypes
Date: 6 Oct 92 21:26:11 GMT
Article-I.D.: network.1at09jINN8m9
Organization: University of California, San Diego
NNTP-Posting-Host: weber.ucsd.edu

In article <1992Oct5.194936.946@varian.com> susan@csbvax.uucp (Susan Finkelman) writes:
>In article <LOWRY.92Oct4152902@rotor.watson.ibm.com> lowry@watson.ibm.com (Andy Lowry) writes:
>
>>Also note that this isn't just a women's thing.  Imagine a G.I.  Joe
>>doll saying "I don't like poetry."  Mightn't that make it just a
>>little bit easier for a boy to dismiss poetry?
>
>What I can't imagine is a protest against such a doll.  So what if
>little boys don't like poetry?  They won't make a lot of money with it
>anyway.{:-) I don't see much discontent with boys' stereotypes.  
             ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I beg to differ.  I have a boy and I'm constantly appalled by the
stereotypes applied to boys.  As a simple example, when a girl hurts
herself, aid and comfort is readily given.  But if a boy hurts
himself doing the exact same thing, he is told to shake it off and
be "a big boy."  (BTW, this is not merely an observation on my part.
There have been studies that show this tendency in adults, which I
could dig up if pressed.)  I don't like the message that sends to
boys, because from a young age, they are already being asked to
repress or deny their feelings.  Luckily, I don't much care what
strangers think about me, so if Dylan hurts himself and wants some
TLC, I'm more than happy to provide it.

Another stereotype that I detest is the "boys will be boys"
mentality, which basically states that boys (thanks to
testosterone) are naturally more aggressive than girls.  Now, if 
society simply acknowledged the predilection to aggression in boys,
I would have no problems.  But, most people that I know seem to take
it a step farther so that aggression is tolerated in boys, and
often, is actively encouraged.  I even know some kids that are my son's
age who are chided for being "wimpy" if they don't give as good as
they get!  

Recently, at a playground, my son was pushed by a kid twice his
age and size.  He wasn't hurt, but he was scared out of his wits.  When 
I finally found the older boy's father (reading a newspaper about 20
yards away from the playhouse), he responded to my request to
supervise his kid more carefully with "Hey, boys push.  Your son
should just push back."  I told him in no uncertain terms that
*even* if I bought into such stupidity, it wouldn't be a fair fight,
since his son was so much bigger.  (By the time I was done arguing
with this guy, I was ready to punch his lights out, but I didn't,
realizing that this was not the behavior I wanted to model for
Dylan.)

It doesn't help parents like me who are trying to raise our sons to
be prosocial rather than aggressive, to run up against people like
that father at the playground.  But, to anticipate any other such
macho types out there, such a childrearing goal does not mean that
my son will not be able to assert himself.  Just as I would
want a daughter to be self-assertive but not violent, I expect the
same level of civilized behavior from my son.
-- 
Diane C. Lin			"Live now; make *now* always the
dlin@weber.ucsd.edu	         most precious time.  Now will 
(Dylan's mom, 22 months)	 never come again." (ST:TNG)
Newsgroups: misc.kids,misc.wanted,seattle.forsale