From: rjung@ALUDRA.USC.EDU (Robert Jung)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.tiny-toon
Subject: Re: The Net.Script!  Accept No Substitutes!
Date: 28 Jul 92 03:05:16 GMT
Organization: Southern California Lynx Enthusiasts

In article <9207272037.AA23044@acs1.acs.ucalgary.ca> gsbrande@ACS.UCALGARY.CA (Geoffrey Sean Brandenburg) writes:
>Just when you thought it was safe to put down your pens...
>...it's ba-ack!

  Huzzah! And thanks for taking over as editor.

>As your de facto editor (since our volunteer editor seems to have deserted
>his post months ago)

  To be fair, I don't think it was desertion, I think his real-life events
just overwhelmed him faster than expected.

  Before I jump in with suggestions and whatnot, what exactly are we using as
linking material for this? I mean, I imagine "Babsie on Board" to be a
6-minute short in a 22-minute half-hour -- what's the whole premise? I've
heard "Get a Life Day" (too harsh, IMO) and "Adult Viewer Mail Day" (sneak
in those net.inside.jokes!), but nothing definitive.

>  BABSIE ON BOARD
>  Written by (in alphabetical order):
>                Sean Brandenburg
>                Christina M. Callihan
>                Julie Hazeltine
>                Robert Jung        
>                Kevin J. Podsiadlik
>
>Copyright 1992 by The Association of Amateur Alt.Tv.Tiny-Toon Net.Writers.
>No part of this document may be copied, transcribed, produced or animated, in
>whole or in part, without the written consent of the writers mentioned above.

  YEAH!

>                                        BABS
>                             Yeah, tell me about it!  Mom even
>                             wanted to sign me up with that new
>                             driving school... yeah, that's the
>                             one--Acme Driving School and Scrap
>                             Metal Emporium. Luckily I talked her
>                             out of it--what a waste of time. I
>                             mean, how hard can driving be?  You
>                             point the car and floor it!

  A little too verbose, especially for Babs. Suggest taking out the phrase
"...yeah, that's the one--Acme Driving School and Scrap Metal Emporium".

>The car comes to a stop. Babs and Babs's Mom are sitting upright, but Mortimer
>is still holding on to the rear-view mirror. Mortimer faces the camera, with a
>look of CONFUSION. He releases the mirror, and remains suspended for a moment.
>The safety seat then flies backwards, and hits the REAR SEAT with a loud
>"Wham!". Camera switches to a view of the rear seat. Mortimer and the safety
>seat are imbedded in the rear seat, with only MORTIMER'S FEET showing,
>wiggling slightly.
>
>[We need Babs or her mother to say a devastatingly funny one-liner here.]

  Disagree. Saying anything at this point would take away from the sheer
physical comedy aspect of the entire sequence, IMO. Mortimer's wiggling feet
are funny enough for me...

>Babs tries to parallel park and fails miserably.  The car ends up 
>perpendicular to the sidewalk, with the front of the car towards the
>sidewalk.  
>
>Calamity Coyote enters, walking down the sidewalk.  His hands are 
>clasped behind his back and his head is down, deep in thought.  He
>walks past Babs's car and then does a double-take.  [etc.]

  Nothing against Calamity, but I think he should be taken out of the script
completely, for the following reasons:

  1. The whole "Calamity with a Crane" sequence is too long.
  2. Babs' mom not noticing that the car was parked with a crane is a big
        stretch of plausibility.
  3. If the spot is so tight that you need a crane to park the car, how
        the heck does Babs pull out real fast when Arnold/the cop comes
        along in the next bit?

  Suggest instead:

Babs tries to parallel park and fails miserably -- the car hits the curb with
a sharp "thump!", and the camera changes to show the car parked at a 45-degree
angle to the curb. Camera switches to Mom's perspective, as Babs turns and
faces Mom with a sheepish grin.

                                        BABS'S MOM
                              That was very good for a first try,
                              dear.  Now be a good bunny and watch 
                              Mortimer for me.  I'll only be a
                              few minutes.

Babs's mom leaves the car.

                                        BABS
                              Okay, Mortimer, it's just you and me
                              now. This driving isn't so tough, in a
                              week I'll be ridin' high and--

                                        POLICE OFFICER (O/S)
                              What is dis!??

Babs looks to her right and sees Arnold in a Police Officer Uniform (complete
with sunglasses and ticket pad) looking through the passenger window.

[BTW, I vote for Arnold as traffic cop myself.  B-]

>                                        ARNOLD
>                              Listen to me now and understand me
>                              later.  Move dis vehicle or get a
>                              TICKET!!!!!
>
>Cut to driver's side shot of car.  Babs turns the key in the ignition,
>resulting in a horrible grating noise.  She thusly discovers that the 
>engine was still running.  She momentarily turns to camera.)

  Ixnay. The "engine still running" joke is too obscure (for kids and
non-drivers) and not funny enough to bother with, IMO. How about:
 
                                        ARNOLD
                              Listen to me now and understand me
                              later.  Move dis vehicle or get a
                              TICKET!!!!!

Cut to interior of the car. Babs quickly turns the key, floors the gas, and
flies out of the illegal parking spot. Cut to exterior, to see the still-gruff
Arnold coated with road grime, motionless as he watches the rapidly-retreating
car.

>Buster climbs into the front seat.  Plucky and Hamton get in the back
>with Mortimer.  Plucky is on the passenger's side, Hamton on the driver's
>side (Mortimer is in the middle).  

  Add "Mortimer glances at the new passengers and waves."

>                                        BABS (preening)
>                              Well, yeah.  Good?  I'm grrrrrreat!  
>
>A somewhat psychotic smile slowly crosses Babs's face.
>
>                                        BABS
>                              Hang on and I'll show you some REAL driving!

  PERFECT! Dead-on characterization! I love it!
                              
>Cut to Mortimer, who looks at Babs in horror and then dons an ACME crash 
>helmet.

  Nah. I vote for keeping Mortimer looking happy/ignorant/confused through
the entire incident. The crash helmet mentality is too predictable and cliche,
IMO.

>                                        PLUCKY
>                              If I get much looser, I'm gonna puke....  

  Lose this line -- too obscure (even I'm not sure what's the relationship
between "loose" and "puke"...)

>Popping open the tape holder between her and Buster, Babs starts rummaging
>through it, naturally paying no attention to the road ahead.

  "Babs' head disappears under the dash." (Also, make sure that Babs' dialogue
during this sequence is marked as off-screen (O.S.))

>                                        HAMTON
>                              But Babs...
>
>                                        BABS
>                              Sorry, Hamton, I'm NOT playing the 
>                              Mills Brothers.

  Camera angle switches to an exterior view. The car effortlessly goes on
the freeway and merges with hundreds of cars going at dangerously high speeds.

>                                        BUSTER (losing it)
>                              BARBARA ANNE BUNNY!!!!
>
>Babs's head jerks up.
>
>                                        BABS
>                              DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!!
>
>                                        BUSTER, HAMTON AND PLUCKY (unison)
>                              YOU'RE HEADED ONTO THE _FREEWAY_!!!

  In lieu of the proposed change above, this will have to be "WE'RE ON THE
FREEWAY!"...  B-)

>Babs finally looks front, only to see the hellishly twisted cloverleaf of
>onramps before her and what looks like a solid mass of cars speeding past!

How about:
  Babs looks front, and sees an overwhelming number of cars rushing around her
at high speeds. A cloverleaf in the distance is crawled with even more cars,
all traveling at supersonic speeds.

>The car screeches to a stop.  Camera cuts to a front view of Babs, who, 
>it seems, has been a "bit" shaken.

  No! Don't stop the car! A stalled car on a crowded freeway is not half as
funny as Babs "Super Driver" Bunny suddenly trying to cope with the harsh
reality of high-speed freeway driving. Yes, this will require a lot of
rewriting of the last part of the net.script, but I honestly think it'd be
worth it.

  We can still salvage quite a bit, though:

Camera switches to a driver's view and shows Babs rapidly converging on the
rear of a large semi truck. Babs suddenly breaks out of her state and steps on
the gas.  Some marvelous transformation takes place and Babs is weaving in and
out of traffic like an Indy car driver.  Buster, Plucky, and Hamton are being
thrown around. Mortimer's car seat slides back and forth on the back seat,
crushing Plucky and Hamton at every weave.  Babs cuts off one driver and
Hamton is thrown against a window (have him look like one of those window
ornaments).

>Camera view exterior.  Exit Ramp sign is visible.  Audience sees what appears
>to be Babs's car scream off the freeway, and screech around the corner.  
>The car is coming upon a stoplight that is yellow and is about to turn red.  
>All the toons scream (except Babs and Mortimer).  Babs's foot slams on to the 
>brake.

  The car screeches at high speed, but plows through the intersection anyway,
just as the light turns red. Once past the intersection, the car hits a rock,
and bounces several feet into the air, throwing BUSTER, PLUCKY, and HAMTON out
of the car. Camera cuts to show Buster, Hamton, and Plucky land in the bushes
of a nearby park.

Camera cuts to the car, which is now slowing to a normal pace. It rounds the
corner with a few bounces, and rolls to a halt in front of the Supermarket.
BABS' MOM is standing outside as the car slowly pulls up.

>[That's all we've got for now, folks.  Post those ideas!]

  I just did.  B-)  Suggestions from here: Mom climbs in, the Bunnies drive
home without incident. It was suggested before that Babs' collapse on her bed,
only to have Mom quip that she needs another ride to "pick up something I
forgot". Babs screams/panics/loses it, fade to black. THE END.

                                                --R.J.
                                                B-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You're charged with pelt-pilfering, disturbing the peace, conduct unbecoming
   of a cartoon character, operating without an artistic license, overuse of a
   bad Hungarian accent, and unauthorized impression of a leading celebrity!"
~~~~~~~~~~~ These opinions are all mine, but you're welcome to 'em. ~~~~~~~~~~
Stay Tiny Tooned!                     Send assorted silliness to rjung@usc.edu