From: alain@elevia.uniforum.qc.ca (W.A.Simon)
Newsgroups: mtl.general
Subject: daily news on CD-ROM
Date: 20 Aug 92 19:38:33 GMT

As I find reading my daily newspaper a frustrating and messy
experience, I thought of putting its contents on CD-ROM for
convenient and clean reading.  I started a publishing setup
to do just that; we are the Montreal Shroendinger's Daily.

Because a CD-ROM can contain about 6 months worth of daily
contents, there will be a time lag between the reporting of
the news and its actual reading.  This is evidently not 
acceptable.  Therefore, in order to give timely information,
we will be preparing the news CD in advance, for release on
the first day of the covered period.

A non-disclosure agreement will be signed by all readers
so as not to unfairly compete with tarot, tea leaves, and
crystal balls readers.  To prevent cheating abuses there
will be random generated news at random times.  Habitual
readers of the sports pages and of the economic pages will
never know the difference.

Adepts and followers of the dadaist quantum school of mystical
physics will find, in these CD's, a rich field of experimentation
on the subject of determining the past before it happened; this
without running into irate cat loving old ladies, wielding heavy
handbags at near relativistic speed.
 
Politicians will be allowed a peek one day ahead of everybody else.
Constitutional affairs specialists will get all previous issues for
free.  TV Weather girls can negociate directly with me.

Our staff of newsforecasters will be conditionned to forget the
news as they write it so as not to collapse the probabilistic wave
function.

And now, a special -- no charge, no obligation -- peek preview of
some of tomorrow's headlines:

	CD-ROM grabs the headlines!
	Bill Gates gets richer
	Bourrassa hedges
	All the news that's fit to ROM
	Albania nukes Lichtenstein

and some of next year's:

	Constitutional talks stalled
	Steve Jobs new CEO at HP
	Ross Perot buys the Middle East
	Frank Zappa sworn in as US Prez
	Intel's new chip delayed
	Tories re-elected
	Owners of News-CD-ROM win at lottery
	New taxes on old taxes
	IBM indicted under RICO
	Wheel design patent awarded
	Apple sued over WristMac in obscenity case
	Final Software Foundation releases GNUke

and some of the year after's:

	DEC sues Intel, claims P5 is Alpha
	Bill Gates richer still
	New taxes on oxygen
	News on CD-ROM a fraud
	Windows-NT will kill Unix
	Walking meters will rentabilize pedestrians
	Olympic Stadium repairs: $2.7 billions
	Child swallows RingMac, parents sue Apple
	Quebec wants in on NAFTA
	Borland nukes Redmond
	Lotus woes Borland

As you can see, we mean it.  We even give you a 10 year money back
warranty, claimable at the end of the warranty period.  Licensing
agreements are also available to interested news organizations and
to tabloids.

Hurry up and order your copy now, tomorrow you'll be one day late!
We accept all major credit cards.  A free copy of "The last 4 years
of weather forecasting for the Montreal area, Ottawa, the Eastern
Townships and the Matapediaa on CD" to the first 2000 customers. 
And, this year only, "My lives with Elvis" by Lady Sarrah Fergusson,
in glorious animated colours on Multimedia-Interactive-CD.

Order now!




--
 The Vacuum Cleaner Man (reality sucks)