From: jd@sequent.com (Jim Duckering)
Subject: Flakey ex. husband/dad
Organization: Sequent Computer Systems, Inc.
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 21:41:46 GMT



Hi,

I have a female friend that has been separated from her ex-husband for
1year and has recently been divorced in the last couple of months.
His character is one that is easy going, likable on the surface, but
tends to lie, cheat, ,be unreliable and take responsibility with a
grain of salt.  I could site several examples, but you would be
reading a 100 page doc.  Married young my friend had a little girl,
now 4years old.  She had realized the mistake and made the smart
decision to rid herself of this person.  She had offered her ex.  to
be free of all responsibilities for their daughter, but the father
wanted to be a part of the daughters life.

Ok, my friend said, but if that's the way its going to be lets be
responsible and work together to insure a decent future and
upbringing for our daughter.  Bitter, his idea of cooperating is it's
none of her business how he handles things while the daughter is
with him. (PROBLEM 1)

 How do you ensure that he doesn't leave her in the care of others
 of weak character,(ex. He lived with a fellow for awhile he hardly knew
 and would go out and party while leaving his child with this person) or
 other equally irresponsible decisions.  Also he lets the little girl stay up
 till 1am or whenever, eat garbage food etc.  Not responsible at all.
 Fortunately this person has settled down with a gal, but still uses
 poor judgement.


As a result of the divorce my friend took full financial responsibility for
her child during the separation.  She worked out a more than reasonable
settlement, $250.00/mth child support, but this person has not made
the slightest effort to help out financially.  Currently doesn't work,
but managed to buy a newer camaro while my friend struggles to
meet basic needs.
PROBLEM 2


In Oregon child support and child visitations are completely opposite issues.
My friend would be happy to share in the upbringing of her daughter, If her
ex could be responsible about the safety, values role model, and take
part in helping to provide a college fund or medical assurance or anything,
but he only lies has no commitment or follow through.  These characteristics
are the only thing he is consistent at.

He does seem to really care for his daughter and shows her a lot of love and
vice versa, which makes the situation difficult.  My friend
thought that he would flake out, but he is interested in being a part
of his daughters life.

MAIN QUESTION
Since he is unwilling to cooperate how can she rid herself of this person,
or make him more responsible for his actions..............

The best answer we could come up with is for her to leave the state,
but that has its own set of problems.

I don't need any cursaders advice, I can site many flakey women as
well, but would appreciate some ideas on how my friend could best
handle this situation.  Remember her ex.  is a flake, owes everyone,
and can not be counted on.  The courts seem to allow this kind of
behavior unless she can prove abuse or drugs in his presence.  All of
these take finances to fight which she has none..


Thanks,
-jd
Newsgroups: alt.child-support