From: mdw@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Matt Welsh)
Subject: I couldn't have asked for more help
Organization: Cornell Theory Center
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 19:36:05 GMT


I am the psychotherapist.  Please, describe your problems.  Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

Bo Derek ruined my life!

Why do you say bo derek ruined your life?

Yow!  I just went below the poverty line!

Is it because of your plans that you say you just went below the
poverty line?

I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool --

What makes you believe you might want to urinate?

Hmmm..  A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted 
 island, when...

Can you elaborate on that?

On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never
 without a POINT.

Maybe your life have something to do with this.

..  the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!

Are you sure that that?

I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of CHICKEN..

Earlier you said you would like to urinate?

Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!!

Is it because of the people you hang around with that you are going
through all this?

I'm into SOFTWARE!

Do you really think you are into software?

I think my career is ruined!

You mentioned that you would like to urinate?

Yow!  Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING BALL
 when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!

What happened when you were in junior high school?

..  I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this
 14th STOREY WINDOW while reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!!

What would happen if reading erica jong's poetry?

My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie...

How does it feel to want?

Yow!  I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos
 alone in a steel mill!

How do you reconcile problems at school?

UH-OH!!  We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!

Is it because of any hobbies you have that you say we're out of
automobile parts and rubber goods?

I want a WESSON OIL lease!!

Why should you get to have this wesson?

Hmmm..  a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT
 by a TROLLEY-CAR..

What makes you think you would like to urinate?

..  I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!

When did you first desire to have this color?

Yow!  I threw up on my window!

Perhaps this has something to do with your sex life?

Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations
 in a MALIBU HOT TUB?

Why do you say in a malibu hot tub?

Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?

Is it because is everything made of lycra spandex that you came to me?

All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
 by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS...

Earlier you said nose would like to have this bad ronald?

I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket..
 ..  I have read the INSTRUCTIONS...

Possibly hangups you have are related to this.

Where's the Coke machine?  Tell me a joke!!

Is it because of your inhibitions that you say tell you a joke?

I like your SNOOPY POSTER!!

You mentioned that you would like to have this wesson?

They collapsed....  like nuns in the street...
 they had no teen appeal!

Is it because of some problems in your childhood that you are going
through all this?

HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!!

This is not a healthy way of thinking.

WHOA!!  Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!!  It must
 be the NEGATIVE IONS!!

What makes you believe be the negative ions?

This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE..  And he has ``VISA''!!

Are you sure that you would like to urinate?

CONGRATULATIONS!  Now should I make thinly veiled comments about
 DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??

How do you reconcile some problems at home?

I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!

Are you obsessed with to have this kleenex?

..  My pants just went on a wild rampage through
 a Long Island Bowling Alley!!

Is it because of your plans that you say a long island bowling alley?

TAILFINS!!  ...click...



mdw
because it was there

-- 
Matt Welsh    mdw@tc.cornell.edu        +1 607 253 2737
Random Hacker, Cornell Engineering and Theory Center 
  "People will say we're in love."  --Hannibal Lecter
Newsgroups: alt.non.sequitur,rec.sport.rugby,alt.religion.kibology,alt.sex