From: rprimmer@home.webo.dg.com (Bob Primmer)
Newsgroups: misc.kids,soc.women,soc.men,alt.child-support,alt.dads-rights
Subject: Re: It's just a TV SHOW!
Date: 18 Nov 92 13:53:34 GMT
	<1992Oct29.173852.22333@ll.mit.edu> <1992Nov3.223728.8602@borland.com>
	<1689CBF0E.JFRAWLEY@SUVM.SYR.EDU>
Organization: NSDD, Data General Corp.

In article <1689CBF0E.JFRAWLEY@SUVM.SYR.EDU> JFRAWLEY@SUVM.SYR.EDU (Judy Thomas Frawley) writes:

   > STUFF DELETED [...]

   I do not how this thread originally got started, and I am obviously
   not a man :-), but I think this is a really great question.

   My husband and I have been separated for 19 months; physically
   separated for 16.  We have a four-year-old daughter.  I am not
   yet legally separated or divorced.

   One of the *toughest* things I have had to deal with is
   what to do with those pictures, etc.  My husband asked
   me to please give the wedding album to my mother for
   safekeeping, so I wouldn't destroy it.  Although I would
   not have and was originally angry at him for insinuating
   that I would, I took his suggestion.

   I have a picture of my husband and I on vacation posted on
   my daughter's bedroom door.  I have not disposed of any
   pictures because I feel somewhat neutral about them at
   this point.  I have a trunk full of wedding memorabalia (sp?)
   that I have not been able to even open, let alone try to
   do anything with.

   My daughter looks at the wedding album from time to time.
   I think it is good for her.  She understands that we *were*
   happy once.  She has her own picture album of her, myself, and
   her father when she was born.  She loves these pictures and
   likes to hear the stories I tell her about her birth.  Her
   father is a very special person in her life.  Just because
   I divorced him, doesn't mean she has to.

   I keep pictures for Hannah.  I talk to her about our marriage,
   how much we both love her, and how much we were happy once.
   I explain to her that sometimes people don't love each other
   anymore.  I don't try to delude her into thinking that we
   will be getting back together, though.  It is a difficult
   balance.  I think if I had been rash and thrown out pictures
   or reminders of my marriage it would have not helped my own
   recovery from a very difficult situation.

   I can't forget that I was married.  I can't forget that my (almost)
   ex is my daughter's father and that they are very close.  So, I
   have kept pictures for her sake and because, quite frankly, I
   wouldn't want to forget that we were happy once. The pictures
   also help me see the growth in our marriage and I can also
   trace the disintegration of it through those pictures.  Maybe it
   sounds silly, but they have really helped me...as time goes on,
   they are easier to look at.  Maybe someday I will be able to
   open that trunk and not think of it as a dream that went sour,
   but as a phase of my life that has passed.

   Judy Frawley
   Hannah's mama

Judy, this is one of the nicer notes I have read.  You seem to be an
unusually good person.  I'm glad to hear that you and your husband are
acting so adult during a difficult time.  It is nice to see someone
*truly* interested in what's best for the child(ren) instead of just
using that hackneyed line to better their position in court.

- Bob
Newsgroups: misc.kids