From: Adrian.Waterworth@newcastle.ac.uk (Adrian Waterworth)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Birthday Picnic! (Long-ish!!)
Date: 9 Apr 92 12:20:46 GMT
Organization: University of Newcastle upon Tyne, UK, NE1 7RU

As Martyr escorts the Kyla-Sprite into the meadow, they both notice
a proliferation of perfect picnics, laid out on the gorgeously green
grass all around.

"Awww...Sh-ugar!! Late again!!" says Martyr.

Tripping lightly across the meadow, the two latecomers head for a
shady little glade on the edge of a small copse.

What do you mean - "Which small copse?"

That one right over there with the stream running through it leading
into the lake.

Lo and behold...  ["He's always wanted to say that." - Ed.] 

...there _is_ a copse and it's right there where Martyr is pointing. A
small stand of oak, ash, silver birch and beech trees.  There is a
stream too.  Well...more sort of a brook really. And if you listen
very carefully, it is actually _babbling_!!

Yes, I'm not kidding you - a babbling brook! There really _is_ a
babbling brook!!!

["Don't you just adore VR?" - Ed.]

As he nears the trees, Martyr picks out a likely looking spot to set
out his picnic. Putting down the picnic box and removing his
voluminous cape, he sets the flowing garment down on the grass with a
flourish and takes the Kyla-Sprite's hand as she gracefully lowers
herself into a comfy sitting position. Then, opening the picnic
hamper, Martyr seats himself near the Sprite and begins to dig out all
manner of delicious goodies.

First though, an incredibly (unbelievably!, ultra-violetly!!) white
linen tablecloth with lace edging. Then - the food! Freshly-baked
loaves of light, fluffy bread, with a big block of fresh golden
butter. Pots and jars containing pate (Brussels, Ardennes with green
peppercorns) and jam (strawberry, apple and blackcurrant, blackberry).
Sliced meats by the score (ham - smoked, charcoal-grilled, peppered,
garlic sausage, bierwurst, cured pork and others).  Numerous cheeses
(real English cheddar, equally delicious Irish cheddar, Red Leicester,
Stilton, crumbly white Cheshire, Edam, Gouda, Caerphilly, Brie,
Lymeswold, Bavarian Smoked and Heaven only knows what else).  Finally,
the piece de resistance ("Where are accents when you need them??!?"),
four punnets of large, fresh, juicy strawberries and a large (huge!)
jug of fresh dairy cream.

"Right, I think that's about everything." whispers Martyr after taking
a quick inventory of the open-air feast that he has just laid out.

"Oops! Then again!, Mustn't forget the important little details!!"

Diving once again into the hamper, he produces half a dozen bottles of
Champagne (3 Moet, 2 Lanson, 1 Perrier-Jouet), some lead-crystal
champagne flutes and a big jug of traditional lemonade (with glasses,
natch).  Also, bone china Willow-pattern plates, some exquisite silver
cutlery and a small vase holding three roses - one white, one pink and
one a deep blood red.

"I'm sure I've still forgotten something..." he mutters.

"Aha!" and he's off again into the hamper...

"Mmmmble, mrrf, crrf, mtthth, bthdth, cththff" mumbles Martyr as he
sticks his head further and further into the seemingly bottomless
wicker basket.

Finally, after much grunting, groaning and mumbling, he re-appears
with a massive double-chocolate Fudge Cake!! Rich? We're talking
Hughes to the power of Getty times a couple of Vanderbilts here. The
merest slice of a cake such as that could send any self respecting
chocaholic into frenzies of delight for the best part of six months.
Chocaddict saliva glands for miles around are running quadruple time
just at the slightest whiff!!

"This is the extra special Birthday cake. It's for Didi-Sprite and
anyone else who has had a birthday recently and anyone who is going to
have a birthday soon and anyone else who would like a piece. However,
there is a condition on those freeloaders such as myself whose
birthdays are miles away yet - if you wish to have a piece of cake, it
must be eaten immediately after wishing one of our birthday-patrons a
Happy Birthday (or a Hippy Bathday or any other version of the
traditional annual greeting). That's the rule - it's only for
birthday-folk or birthday-wishes, nothing else."

"Oh...and don't worry about running out. It'll last as long as it's
needed. In fact, this may be one of the few cases of having our cake
and eating it!"

Unaccustomed as he was to public speaking, Martyr sits back down after
that little speech and gets on with the serious business of niccing
his pic or piccing his nic or whatever the correct term for it is.

He is just about getting settled down to some serious, eating,
drinking, laughing and being merry when he notices a swift movement
from the direction of the brook.

A flattened, leathery snout appears from the water, with a small pair
of dark eyes above it, set in a dark-furred sleek head. This is
followed by an equally dark-furred, equally sleek (although quite
chubby in some ways) body and a tail.

The new arrival scurries through the meadow until it locates one
particular patron. A certain antipodean (for Martyr anyway) mouse
secret agent type person. Upon finding said "victim", the slightly
comical creature launches into a rather nasal version of a well-known
ditty.

"Habby Birthdy do you,
 Habby Birthdy do you,
 Habby Birthdy dear Danger Bouse,
 Habby Birthdy do you!"

As folks all over the meadow grin to themselves at the sight of DM
being serenaded by a platypus with an adenoid problem, the small
water-loving, egg-laying mammal saunters back towards her favoured
habitat with a superior look on her face...

"Huh! Whadja all sbiling about? You dry siggig Habby Birthdy with a
dose like dis. Kiri te Kanawa, I ain't! If you're all so clefer, you
try laying an egg sobetibe! Weirdos, de lodda ya!!"

...and so saying, she returns to the brook, leaving the assorted
patrons of Callahans to their feasting, drinking, celebrating and
birthday partying in the Emerald Meadow.

["Third French window on the left, just past the fire place. Watch out
for flying glasses as you go!" - Ed.]

			Martyr

(According to Didi-Sprite's capable instruction and at Kyla-Sprite's
behest of course! Sorry it took me so long to get around to this one
ladies! Am I forgiven for being late yet again?)

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		 |  Adrian.Waterworth@newcastle.ac.uk	|
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Newsgroups: alt.callahans