From: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey)
Subject: Fun at 5 AM
Reply-To: aaron@space.ualberta.ca
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 15:44:25 GMT

Alfvaen walks moodily around the bar, eventually ordering a vodka and ginger
from Mike(who, this time, doesn't produce it until he asks).  He walks up to
the chalk line and says, "To uninvited guests!"  He tosses the glass into the
fire and turns to face the rest of the patrons, now eagerly awaiting the
explanation of his toast.

"This morning at 5 AM, my wife and I were woken up by the sound of our
apartment buzzer.  We live on the second floor of a three-story walkup, with
a sunken first floor.  Anyways, we don't know anybody who would even think to
visit us unexpectedly at 5 AM, and we're paranoid enough to think it more
likely to be a drunk, or someone who accidentally pushes the wrong button.

"But we're awake now.  Nicole gets up to go get a glass of water, which is what
we do whenever we wake up in the middle of the night.  Then she says, in not
the calmest of voices, "Aaron, I think there's someone on the balcony."

"I got up and looked.  Indeed there was.  He was a Native, long hair, mid-20s,
dressed in jeans and jacket.  In other words, the kind of person I'd really
like to avoid on the street after dark, and probably at any other time as well.
Lest you think that this is racially oriented, I'm similarly leery of whites
dressed the same way.  And there is a bar just a block south of us.

"He started trying to open the patio door, which we had locked the night before
as was our wont.  Nicole dialed 911, and soon the police were on their way.
Meanwhile, our guest was trying to break the glass on our window.  Luckily, he
was only kicking it, he wasn't well-balanced enough to get excessive force
behind it, and we have good strong double-paned glass.  But it was unnerving
nonetheless.  Nicole went and got a knife from the kitchen--I didn't think it
would do that much good, but I didn't say anything.  It made her feel better,
anyway.

"Then the police arrived, and escorted him out(through our apartment, but they
thought it easier than tossing him over the balcony, I guess).  From what I
heard of his mutterings, he seemed to have the impression that a girlfriend of
his used to live here...he said something about someone named 'Pam'.  We gave
our statements to the police, and then we were left with an hour and a half
before we 'had' to get up.  We didn't go back to sleep..."  Alfvaen stifled a
yawn at this point.

"So we've had our excitement for the week.  We were both pretty much shaking
with fear until the police arrived.  Adrenaline everywhere...  I hate that.

"An annoying note--when Nicole called the police, apparently they asked her,
when she said there was a man on her balcony, whether it was an old boyfriend.
Does that strike anyone as an extremely rude thing to ask?  Maybe there are
women out there who are constantly calling the police about men on their
balconies who later turn out to be old boyfriends, who the women don't want to
press charges against, or something.  But it still strikes me as an improper
thing to ask.  Ah, well.  No real harm done, I guess.

"Just thought I'd share that with you all...I have to tell someone about it,
and while you people are the first, you won't be the last.

"I wonder if we'll have to testify in court?  Or if our written statements will
be sufficient?

"And is anyone else a bit worried that these written statements have our names
on them?  Like if this guy has a good memory for names?"

--
---Alfvaen(a.k.a. Aaron V. Humphrey, Page of Newts)
Canadian Network For Space Research, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
"The bullroarer churns a Moebius strip of sound..."  Anna Amabiaca
Current Album--Rush:A Farewell To Kings
Current Read--Barry N. Malzberg:Overlay