HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: JBrandt@AAA.UOregon.EDU (Jay Brandt)
Subject: Re: C: A toast!
Organization: University of Oregon, Architecture
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 92 20:27:58 GMT

In article <9209151037.A05196@ius.indiana.edu>, jevans@ius.indiana.edu
(JEVANS) writes:
> 
> >for she's a jolly good fellow
> >Which nobody can deny!
> 
>  
>               The Doctor, hearing this spirited rendition for the
>           -Sprite, elegantly raises an eyebrow and turns from Table 82
>           to address le' Bearmeister: "My good fellow, you obviously
>           haven't gotten a good look at the -Sprite, have you? She is
>           most DEFINITELY not a fellow!" Rising, he strides to the
>           bar, collects a God's Blessing from Mike, and addresses the
>           crowd.
>               "Ladies, Gentlemen... and oh yes, Manx.. I'd like to
>           ask everyone, what is your all time favorite pun? With some
>           of the puns I've heard in THIS bar, I might be able to use
>           them to fight the Daleks, next time I face them. Bugger
>           weapons, nail them with a few choice puns, and they'll run
>           screaming! So, I declare the contest O-pun!"
> 
> 
> 

<Thyra has been curled up in StM's lap as a small white kitten. She hears
the Doctor's challenge, and with a delighted "Mreew!" leaps off StM to land
next to the doctor, changing in mid-leap to her feline-human form.>

     A challenge for puns? Why how delightful dear Doctor! <Prrrrrr> 

     I guess I'll volunteer to get things under -wave- here, so lets -sea-
what I can come up with. It doesn't take much -urchin- to get me started on
puns

     Now I wouldn't want to -carp- about things, but are you just -fishing-
for new material? We could soon be -flounder-ing in puns, I -shad-n't
guess. Then again, if you've made -anemone- among the Daleks, it would be
-eel- for you not to be -whale- prepared. I may be -skate-ing on thin ice,
but your contest certainly has my -seal- of approval. Lets see what I can
do with the -current- topic.

     One of my all-time favorite puns is one I read as a small child. The
article, in Reader's Digest, claimed the event to be a true tale. I saw it
once and have never seen it reprinted since, so this may be new to you.

     There was once a small summer camp on the shore of the ocean. The
campers pitched their tents in neat rows in a field above the beach, and
when meals were served, everyone gathered at picnic tables on the beach to
eat. Now it didn't take long for this to be noticed by the local family of
dolphins, who played off-shore during the children's swimming classes. The
campers always managed to toss a few choice bits of food to their cetacean
friends, who would swim in close at each meal. One day this was noticed by
the camp cook, who also called the kids in for meals using the camp PA
system. One morning, they were greeted with the following mess-call. "All
right campers, rise and shine! Breakfast is served for all in tents, and
porpoises!"

<Thyra makes a quick curtsey, and scampers out of the way of the flying
peanuts.>

     "Who's next?" :-)

Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Barbara Trumpinski)
Subject: Re: A timid entrance
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 23:39:00 GMT





>	There is a brief commotion by the door of the Place as an ocelot
>dashes in between the legs of an exiting patron (much to that patron's
>discomfort, but it can't be helped) and runs across the room.  Onlookers
>have the impression of a flash of yellow and black as she darts under
>Nick's chair and huddles there, panting a bit.  Her tail is poofed out
>to bottlebrush size, which on 25 lbs. of jungle feline is pretty
>impressive, but for the most part she just looks scared.  As she peers
>out from under the chair, her liquid black eyes and trembling whiskers
>seem to say, "Oh dear, perhaps I have made a terrible error, but I am
>small and alone and shy.  Be nice to me, scratch behind my ears and give
>me affection... and maybe a dish of milk, but I'm broke."  Amazingly
>expressive whiskers, nu? 


kitten is always happy to see a cousin come into the Place.  "hi
ocelot...i am glad you finally made it....mike, can i have a bowl of
milk for my friend...and another dark beer for me (i NEVER drink milk)."


--
***************************************************************************
conan the librarian a.k.a. kitten           /\ /\  barbara ann 
"my life's a soap opera, isn't yours?"      {=.=}
                                              ~   trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu 
"perhaps _any_ universe becomes real in proportion 
to the number of people who believe in it and spend time there." s. robinson

Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: aahz@netcom.com (Mean Green Dancing Machine)
Subject: Re: When packrats move . . .
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 92 18:21:08 GMT
Organization: Bill 'n' Opus for Prez

In article <STEVE.92Sep10093607@diana.Advansoft.COM> steve@Advansoft.COM (Steve Savitzky) writes:
>"You *count* your books?" says the Mandelbear.  "Mostly I measure them
>by the foot.  

Heh.  Just wait 'til you're tempted into putting all your book titles
into a database.....
-- 
                         --- Aahz (the *other* Dan Bernstein)
                             @netcom.com 

Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6

IRWTFM -- and that ain't fun
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: lydick@SOL1.GPS.CALTECH.EDU (Speaker-to-Minerals)
Subject: Re: Libertarianism
Reply-To: lydick@SOL1.GPS.CALTECH.EDU
Organization: HST Wide Field/Planetary Camera
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 22:03:25 GMT

In article <9209112032.AA27526@yrloc.ipsa.reuter.COM>, dgil@ipsaint.ipsa.reuter.COM (Gillett, David) writes:
>     I realize I'm a little late commenting on this, but I can't help observing
>one odd point:  After StM carefully lays out the definition of a "common good"
>(and I have very little disagreement with *that*), he then essentially asserts
>that a public-sector judicial system for the redress of grievances is somehow
>*not* such a "public good".  I'd appreciate if he could elaborate on his
>reasoning....

Well, it's pretty easy to tell when someone's using a judicial system.  It's
also possible to charge for access to that system.  There are also costs
associated with each individual trial.  So it looks to me like a judicial
system fails the tests for a public good.  Perhaps Mentor could explain what it
is that leads him to believe that a judicial system is a public good.
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: dgreen@jarthur.claremont.edu (David Green)
Subject: Re: Silent night
Organization: Harvey Mudd College, Claremont, CA 91711
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 04:50:55 GMT

In article <Bu346r.17D@news.cso.uiuc.edu> trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Barbara Trumpinski) writes:
->kitten grins...."mudders are always welcome here."

Mishael grins back.  "Now, by 'mudder,' do you mean one who MUDs or one who
attends Mudd?... and thanks."
-- 
dgreen@jarthur.claremont.edu				   David "Mishael" Green
		    Have you scritched your local Furry today?
***********************Who ordered the muon? -- I. I. Rabi**********************
From: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: Silent night
Date: 8 Sep 92 02:04:16 GMT
Reply-To: aaron@space.ualberta.ca
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4

aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey) writes:
: dgreen@jarthur.claremont.edu (David Green) writes:
: : ->kitten grins...."mudders are always welcome here."
: : 
: : Mishael grins back.  "Now, by 'mudder,' do you mean one who MUDs or one who
: : attends Mudd?... and thanks."
: 
: Alfvaen looks more closely at Mishael's Organization: line.  "Harry Mudd
: College.  My god!  Harcourt Fenton Mudd got a college named after him?"

Alfvaen looks even more closely at Mishael's Organization: line.  "No, that's
Harvey Mudd College.  Well, I guess he was under a pseudonym then.  Probably
just had a lot of cash to unload on Earth..."

--
---Alfvaen(Canadian SF Quasi-Activist)
"What have I done to piss the gods off?"  ---Terence Trent D'Arby
Current Album--Aztec Camera:Knife
Current Read--John Updike:Rabbit, Run
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey)
Subject: Re: C, the bug, returns...
Reply-To: aaron@space.ualberta.ca
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 02:46:55 GMT

Hearing C, the bug, mention Barcelona reminds Alfvaen of something he found
out this weekend...

"I was visiting my grandpa, who lives a couple of hours drive southwest of
Edmonton.  My grandma died about a year ago, but he seems to be doing okay.
He almost seems better--I don't remember him being as talkative when grandma
was around, probably because she was quite a bit chattier.  So I've probably
found out more about him in the past year than I have the ten or fifteen
before that that I have some memory of.

"My cousin Jackie is taking Physical Therapy at University--or rather, she was,
and is now finished.  Now some of you, the Canadians who watched the Olympics
at least, may remember the rower Silken Loman.  She sustained a lot of damage
to her legs in an accident several months ago.  And yet she got a silver medal
in Barcelona this summer.

"Well, my cousin was one of her therapists.  She said that she'd never seen
anyone so dedicated and focused as Silken was.  She applied herself thoroughly
to her therapy, almost single-mindedly, because she knew that was her only
chance of getting into the Olympics.  And obviously it paid off...

"This I found out about at Jackie's wedding on the first of August.  But what
I found out this weekend was that she'd gotten an offer to come to Barcelona as
part of their physiotherapy team.  She had to turn it down because it would
have conflicted with the date of the wedding--I think Silken won her medal the
day before the wedding--but still, it was a fair honor to be invited.

"They spent their honeymoon in Greece, by the way, and allegedly took some
several hundred pictures while there.  Somehow I don't blame them--even if we
can never take many pictures--we barely managed to fill twenty-four exposures
on a week in Vancouver..."

--
---Alfvaen(Canadian SF Quasi-Activist)
"What have I done to piss the gods off?"  ---Terence Trent D'Arby
Current Album--The Rainmakers:The Good News And The Bad News
Current Read--John Updike:Rabbit, Run
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: mar@physics.su.OZ.AU (David Mar)
Subject: Re: Stumpy visits Aus
Organization: School of Physics, University of Sydney, Australia
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 12:39:04 GMT

>[Splash:]  Why would someone come from NZ to Oz to buy a kiwi comic?  It
>sounds like the publishers have got some sort of strange deal happening here!

Danger Mouse clears up the situation. "No, it is I who bought the book. My
guess is that Stumpy is quite able to buy the same thing back in NZ for
less money quite easily."

- Danger Mouse.
From: mdm@SPARC2.PRIME.COM (Michael D. McAfee)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Arabian Nights weekend
Date: 15 Sep 92 20:22:38 GMT




		Hi.

		The weekend of September 25-27 there's a live action
	role playing game happening called The Arabian Nights, based
	on the Thousand Nights and a Night.  It takes place at the
	Holiday Inn Crowne Plaza in Natick, MA.  For more info, you
	can write

			The Society for Interactive Literature
			PO Box 44-1478
			Somerville, MA  02144

	or you can call them at 617-623-0133.  It should be fun.  Games
	magazine once did a write-up on the first running of this
	adventure back in 1989, and most LARPG'ers who went still talk
	about it fondly.

		If any of you decide to go, maybe we can meet there.
	Hopefully, the various plots and stories-in-progress will allow
	for such (reportedly there are already over seventy players
	signed up).  But however it turns out, doubtless there will be
	many stories to be told afterwards.

	Michael, the Chaotic
	disclaimer:  Hey, I'm just a registered player.
From: lydick@SOL1.GPS.CALTECH.EDU (Speaker-to-Minerals)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: Silent night
Date: 5 Sep 92 18:14:13 GMT
Reply-To: lydick@SOL1.GPS.CALTECH.EDU
Organization: HST Wide Field/Planetary Camera

In article <1992Sep5.045055.7993@muddcs.claremont.edu>, dgreen@jarthur.claremont.edu (David Green) writes:
>In article <Bu346r.17D@news.cso.uiuc.edu> trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Barbara Trumpinski) writes:
>->kitten grins...."mudders are always welcome here."
>
>Mishael grins back.  "Now, by 'mudder,' do you mean one who MUDs or one who
>attends Mudd?... and thanks."

That reminds me of something I've wondered about for some time.  Do you suppose
the writer who created Harcourt Fenton Mudd for _Star_Trek_ might have more or
less named him after Harvey Mudd?
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: JMPIERCE%USMCP6.bitnet@VM.TCS.Tulane.EDU (JIM PIERCE)
Subject: re: Fritz Leiber RIP
Organization: Yale CS Mail/News Gateway
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 06:22:43 GMT


  "Da** ! Well, he also wrote 'The Change War' stories. Crap. I was
hoping more of them and the Grey Mouser and Fafhrd Stories would
reach us... Whew..." DJ.

<crash>


* <JMPIERCE@USMCP6.BITNET> Jim "DJ." Pierce; Bach. Sci. in Appl. Comp. Sci.
* USM Academic Computing on the Gulf Park Campus. Disclaimer: Standard.
* "I'm a computer operator and I'm Ok !" me.
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: jgoodric@dante.nmsu.edu (GOODRICH)
Subject: Guess who's coming to Dinner, PT3 or so...
Organization: New Mexico State University, Las Cruces, NM
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 15:58:11 GMT

Many apologies for the previous two posts,I am still getting the 
hang of this mailserver.    It moves something like this...

	The great Oak door made a crash as it opened, and an enormous
 figure stood framed in the dying sunset.  All black he was, from the 
recesses of the tattered, hooded cloak to the great motorcycle 
boots, all six foot six of him.  Of human evidence there was none- 
the stranger was hooded up as tight a Nazgul.  
	With enormous strides, the stranger clomped straight for
the bar.  A smallish, pale hand emerged from the midnight 
cloak, holding a dollar bill.  "Meade," came the gruff voice.
	Callahan filled the order without so much as raising an 
eyebrow.  A mug filled with the amber liquid appeared, and then 
vanished into the ragged darkness of the cloak.
	The figure turned,  and with heavy strides, approached the 
chalk line.  The mug appeared, and the golden liquid created 
wierd reflections on the ceiling.  But as he raised, the giant seemed
to lurch.  He tottered and staggered a few feet, then toppled like a 
redwood.  Down he came with a crash, and so would the drink,
except that an ocleot caught it, and placed it carefully on the 
wooden floor.
	"Shit," grumbled the fallen mountain, the voice much softer
than the order of meade had been.  Then we noticed the long, red
hairs protruding from the hood.  The giant sat, and began tugging 
off his boots.  The first one came off with a schuff, and we all 
looked in wonder at the six or so inches of arch support it contained.
The other boot clomped to the floor, and the stranger, no longer a 
giant, stood before us.  He pulled back his hood, and there was a 
pale man, barely out of boyhood, his face surrounded with a mane
of long, red hair.
	He sighed, and picked up his drink.  He again raised the amber 
meade to the ceiling (although not so closely, this time) and spoke 
his toast.
	"To this shit society, the one that needs anasthesia to even 
tolerate it."  In two slow, measured draughts, he drained the mug.
Instead of throwing the glass at the fireplace, he crushed it in 
his hands.  He then went to the fireplace and proceeded to pick 
glass out of his hand, carefully depositing each fragment in the
enormous hearth.
	He turned to us, and said. "Hi.  I'm the Laughing Priest."
He then held up his hands, showing us the superficial gashes 
laft by the mug.  "And this is my joke.  I laugh because I 
can't cry."
	He laughed, a deep, low, belly laugh.  It grew, both in volume
and force.
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: "dalton spence" <dalton.spence@canrem.com>
Subject: c, the bug, returns..
Reply-To: "dalton spence" <dalton.spence@canrem.com>
Organization: Canada Remote Systems
Distribution: alt
Date: 11 Sep 92 11:57:24 EST

chuahl@ocf.berkeley.edu (Chua HakLien) said the following about C,
the bug, returns......

CH>The doors open, and in steps a giant cockroach, carrying a huge
CH>funky pink and green backpack, with a Catalonian flag, a bunch of
CH>pins, and a cheap zoom camera strapped around his neck.

S-N-M nearly chokes on his Dim Sum.  "A Cockroach?  HERE?!?"  He
looks nervously around for a place to hide.  Noticing no one else
seems at all disturbed, he whispers anxiously to the nearest patron
"Didn't ANYONE here read -Callahan's Secret-?"

CH>"Hola, Dudes! I've just found my way back from Barcelona, from the
CH>Olympics! A great show, wasn't it? I even got...." ( searches
CH>through his pockets, and his backpack.. ) "Evander Hollyfield's
CH>autograph! But it's a really ugly scribble; probably from one
CH>headpunch too many..."

As the friendly manner of the new arrival penetrates his fear, S-N-M
realizes this is just another patron in his virtual persona.  He
leans back, saying sheepishly "I knew it all the time."

CH>"ahh.. Barcelona. My memories of you will be fond, though my
CH>pictures of you are blurry...."

"Sure it's not the other way around?" says S-N-M, attempting to
reclaim his rather tattered dignity.

CH>"Bartendar! One Sangria!"
CH>( that's alcoholic punch. Pretty good stuff... )

CH>C, The Bug

"Welcome back C!  How about introducing yourself to the new folks
around here (like me)?  After all, there can't be many Cockroaches
who would be patrons of Callahan's."

/ Dalton S. Spence  UUCP: canrem!dalton.spence  RIME: ->CRS \
\ Scarborough, Ont. Internet: dalton.spence@canrem.com      /
---
  1st 1.01 #141  Otherwise Known As: Stranger-No-More (or SNM for short)
--
Canada Remote Systems  - Toronto, Ontario, Canadas
World's Largest PCBOARD System - 416-629-7000/629-7044
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: JMPIERCE%USMCP6.bitnet@VM.TCS.Tulane.EDU (JIM PIERCE)
Subject: re: You say it's your birthday? {11 SEP 92}
Organization: Yale CS Mail/News Gateway
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1992 06:14:44 GMT


 "Happy Birthday John Palmer !" DJ.

 "Want to do a quick dance ? " Linda.

 "Uh oh, uhm John, you may not..." DJ.

<interupted by a glance from Linda>

"Bosskins, aren't you tired ? " Linda.

"Well, yes I do have a sore throat and desire to rest tonight. I can't
 do much as I wanted as my newer computer needs major repairs and " DJ.

<Linda raises her eyebrows>

"Uhm. Robbie I think you need an oil change..." DJ.

"But Boss, I have already had my once a parsec upkeep, and oh..." Robbie.

<as a waltz starts up, Linda grabs John Palmer and they zoom out
 into the meadow, and then straight up !>

"Dance SEA ?" DJ.

"Boss, who can I dance with ? " Robbie.

 "I'm sure you will find someone, " DJ.

    "Happy Birthday ! " Linda, Robbie, and Dreamy Jim.


* <JMPIERCE@USMCP6.BITNET> Jim "DJ." Pierce; Bach. Sci. in Appl. Comp. Sci.
* USM Academic Computing on the Gulf Park Campus. Disclaimer: Standard.
* "I'm a computer operator and I'm Ok !" me.
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: hollombe@polymath.tti.com (The Polymath)
Subject: Re: When packrats move . . .
Organization: The Cat Factory
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 21:14:35 GMT

In article <8296.9193@stratus.SWDC.Stratus.COM> jane@soave.swdc.stratus.com (Jane Beckman) writes:

}"But 500 square feet??  How can you live in that amount of
}space?  ...

"I lived in ~350 sqft for nearly 16 years.  It requires ... um ...
creativity.

"About 6 months of that time I was in a tent I couldn't sit up in.  I did
a lot of outdoor stuff. (-:

"Another 2.5 years was spent in a one-room flat or friend's spare bedroom,
with relatively few possessions to worry about.

"Most of it was spent in tiny apartments.  I built a lot of shelves
(brick'n'board, mostly).  In the last one I built a loft to sleep in and
put my desk and file cabinet under it. (Picture a _very_ sturdy bunk bed
with no lower bunk.  It was designed to hold a water mattress, but I never
got around to testing it).

"Now I live alone in a 1890 sqft house.  Somehow, my possessions have
expanded to fill the available space ..."

The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe, M.A., CDP, aka: hollombe@polymath.tti.com)
Head Robot Wrangler at Citicorp                   Turn the rascals out!
3100 Ocean Park Blvd.   (310) 450-9111, x2483     No incumbents in '92!
Santa Monica, CA  90405
From: clhoerth@david.wheaton.EDU (Cathe L Hoerth)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: A timid entrance
Date: 8 Sep 92 22:08:16 GMT

Forwarded message:
From ruth.wheaton.edu!clhoerth Mon Sep  7 14:38:57 CDT 1992
Article: 6704 of alt.callahans
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: clhoerth@david.wheaton.edu (Cathe L Hoerth)
Subject: A timid entrance 
Summary: Heeeellllp! 
Keywords: My net acess is screwed 
Organization: Wheaton College, IL
Date: Mon, 7 Sep 1992 19:24:31 GMT



	There is a brief commotion by the door of the Place as an ocelot
dashes in between the legs of an exiting patron (much to that patron's
discomfort, but it can't be helped) and runs across the room.  Onlookers
have the impression of a flash of yellow and black as she darts under
Nick's chair and huddles there, panting a bit.  Her tail is poofed out
to bottlebrush size, which on 25 lbs. of jungle feline is pretty
impressive, but for the most part she just looks scared.  As she peers
out from under the chair, her liquid black eyes and trembling whiskers
seem to say, "Oh dear, perhaps I have made a terrible error, but I am
small and alone and shy.  Be nice to me, scratch behind my ears and give
me affection... and maybe a dish of milk, but I'm broke."  Amazingly
expressive whiskers, nu?
From: JPIERCE@MIAMIU.BITNET (Jeff Pierce)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: A Returning...
Date: 13 Sep 92 04:31:12 GMT
Organization: Miami University - Academic Computer Service

Happy the Man looks up from the book he has been reading at a corner
table.  "Welcome back, Raven.  When's the next tickle duel?"
 
                                       Happy the Man
From: keulen@possum.csu.murdoch.edu.au (Mike van Keulen)
Subject: Re: When packrats move . . .
Organization: Murdoch University
Date: 13 Sep 92 13:27:58 GMT

aahz@netcom.com (Mean Green Dancing Machine) writes:

>Heh.  Just wait 'til you're tempted into putting all your book titles
>into a database.....

I once tried listing my books for tax purposes, years ago; since then I haven't
had a taxable income to spit at, so I haven't bothered.  On the other hand I
_do_ keep a database for my academic reprint collection, now approaching 6000.
I started keeping it on note cards, but shifted to computer when I dropped the
index tray one day - luckily I was only at 1200 at that stage!  I guess one day
I'll include the books, but I'm not looking forward to that one ... for one
thing I'll need a bigger hard-disk first!

Splash!

--
***************************** Michael van Keulen *************************** 
* Snail: School of BES - Biology         e-mail: keulen@murdoch.edu.au     *
*        Murdoch University              phone:  ++ 61 (09) 360-2843 (work)*
*        Murdoch WA 6150  AUSTRALIA              ++ 61 (09) 417-3902 (home)*
*************************** "To Love is to _LIVE_!" ************************