From: justin@hp750.ccs.uky.edu (Justin Sullivan)
Subject: Re: helplessness and powerlessness
    <1992Dec31.033025.28277@panix.com>
Organization: University Of Kentucky, Dept. of Math Sciences
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 07:12:58 GMT

rpowers@panix.com (Richard Powers) writes:

>In <85946@ut-emx.uucp> llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:

>>: >control. i can decide how i feel about things, i can decide how (or
>>:           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 
>>: 
>>: I just don't understand this.  If I could just decide that I'm not in
>>: love with W----, I would be at least a bit happier (well, less
>>: depressed maybe).  If I could "decide" I really like working for
>>: minimum wage I _could_ be ecstatic for the rest of my life.  I don't
>>: know about anyone else (me?  sure of something?  never happen) but I
>>: cannnot accomplish anything remotely resembling this kind of control
>>: over my emotions.  

Why is it I always miss these the first time around? How depressing.. =P

You know the scoop.. You've heard what they say: "If you keep telling
yourself something, eventually, you'll believe it." It's really quite
easy to control some of your emotions.. Life in shambles? Just smile and
tell everyone how great it is to be alive. After awhile, they'll believe it,
and you'll wake up one day believing it, too (for better or for worse..)

>Thats interesting, but what has that got to do with anything *I* said?!

>I'm getting really tired of people arguing with things I just *DID*
>*NOT* *SAY*!!!!  Doesn't *anyone* actually read what they're
>responding to?  I'm getting quite pissed off with this whole medium.

Don't worry about it.. We all mistakes. That's how we learn. :)
(note the weighted, luring tone..)

>>you already decide, on some level, to feel the way you do about
>>things. just because a decision isn't arrived at consciously doesn't
>>mean it's not a decision.

Actually.. I think you arrive at a decision subconsciously first.
I had another one of those weird school dreams I seem to keep having..
Something about a really nice (public.. ick) school that I never went to.
The dream 'revealed' something that I already knew before the situation
ever came up. The only regret I have about it is that the dream came after
the fact, but after the dream, I immediately felt: "Hey! I already knew that!"

>Yeah, ok.  So its totally my choice that I'm in love with my best
>(female) friend who doesn't feel the same?  Its MY CHOICE to be
>SUICIDALLY DEPRESSED?!?!?!?!?!  Isn't that what you're saying?   HUH?!
>That I'm DECIDING to be SUICIDALLY DEPRESSED?!?!  Its all my fault huh?

Well, since you asked.. :) No one can help feeling bad about something,
but you can decide if it really means that much to you. Regrets about 
lost possibilites (in your case, a relationship) are things that never leave
you.. No amount of therapy will eliminate them. In my case, I come to remember
things that I USED to know as regrets as good possibilities. All in the past,
but you CAN choose to look at them in a different light. To me, regrets are
worse than a guilty conscience (which I've chosen not to have! :).
Besides, the only difference between 'depressed' and 'suicidal' is easy
access to a weapon. :} <evil grin>

>No. The sucky thing is that now I'm totally pissed off.  Guess I should
>just "decide" to feel differently, huh.  Right.

It's always best NOT to get upset in the first place.. Just grin and 
pretend everything is in your favor. It makes everyone else uncomfortable
about their own position.. Perhaps the elusive female friend, too.. :)

>Grrrrrr.

Woof woof..