From: dlin@weber.ucsd.edu (Diane Lin)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: At what age is day care appropriate?
Summary: how many chapters do you write at work?
Date: 9 Apr 92 04:02:39 GMT
Article-I.D.: network.s0fkvINNca9
Organization: University of California, San Diego
NNTP-Posting-Host: weber.ucsd.edu

In article <167C3723E.EKOCK@cmsa.gmr.com> EKOCK@cmsa.gmr.com writes:

>Flame on, but I think that the phenomenon of
>a middle-class woman "staying home" would not, for me, constitute
>a very whole life.  Explain to me, why, when I speak with
>such women that I find them to be obsessed by trivial, banal
>matters such as which garage sale to go to (for example).
>I don't find these women following politics or reading books or
>writing The Great American Novel.  Their marriages are divided
>along strict stereotypical roles.  [...]

OK, how many chapters of the "Great American Novel" do you write 
at your place of employment?  Do you really get paid to talk about 
politics, or better yet, to read Wallace Stegner?  Where do you
work, and how do I sign up?    [:-) for the humor impaired]

Now, if you were arguing that stay-at-home parents don't pursue
interesting hobbies during their *off-hours*, then I would argue
(just as plausibly) that most employed parents don't either.
It seems to me that you have a very strange notion of what committed
at-home parents do all day long.  

As for your statement that at-home parents have marriages which are
divided along stereotypic gender roles, I can only say that you have
a pitifully small circle of acquaintances.

>If I had a shred of evidence that I am in any way harming my son
>by going to work everyday I'd quit immediately.  But I doubt
>that there is any evidence out there.  The circle of people who
>love my son is just a little bit bigger than if I stayed at home
>with him.

I agree wholeheartedly with your last paragraph.  And, as Carol
Fischer so eloquently pointed out, had you left your argument at
that, it would have been a very nice rebuttal to Judy Tyrer's
original article.  It's so unfortunate that some people, in defense
of their own decisions, feel it necessary to denigrate others'.  

As an at-home parent, I must admit that in the beginning, I felt the
same way that Judy Tyrer does now.  I realize now that it was part
of my transition strategy--psyching myself up that what I was doing
in leaving my career to be an at-home parent was the most wonderful,
most magnanimous and most precious gift I could give to my son.
Now, almost a year and a half later, I have changed my opinions
dramatically.  I have gotten to know many at-home parents, and quite
honestly, I can say that many of their children would be much better
off in a good daycare situation.  Some of these parents clearly resent
being at home, while others love being at home but are lacking in
many of the skills that would make a good caregiver (patience,
knowledge of child development, patience, creativity, patience,
stamina, etc.)  

So, while I am an at-home parent, I don't believe that it's clearly
the best situation for everyone.  I'm very happy in my job, but I
sure do enjoy my off-hours, too!
-- 
Diane C. Lin			"The secret of life is enjoying
dlin@weber.ucsd.edu	         the passage of time."
(Dylan's mom, 16 months)		  	-- James Taylor
Newsgroups: misc.kids,alt.kids-talk,alt.parents-teens,misc.education