From: (Joseph D. Barrus)
Subject: TV Land
Organization: Naval Ocean Systems Center, San Diego, CA
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 17:18:11 GMT


I copied this over from another newsgroup.  It applies to TV, but
I thought it would equally apply to some of the more banal
cinematic endeavors as well.

JDB

____________

	My thanks to several net readers who sent me their suggestions
as well as my very creative co-workers for this list.

What the world is like in TV land:

1. If a women is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
2. Your car will always start immedaitely unless you are being chased
   by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
3. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
4. The suburbs are exciting.
5. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
6. Good guys are always outnumbered.
7. Good guys always win and get the girl.
8. Good guys are always good looking.
9. Ugly people are always bad guys.
10. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.
11. There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
12. Court cases are all solved with a suprise witness.
13. Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor.
14. Cars will explode in all accidents.
15. Everyone has a 'dark' secret.
16. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.
17. Haunted houses are never locked.
18. The police are smart.
19. good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg.
20. All Chinese people know Karate.
21. Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.
22. Rich people are unhappy.
23. Teenagers are smarter than their parents.
24. Indians make good cannon fodder.
25. Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders.
26. Computers never crash.
    a) Teenagers can access any computer by using their PC's.
    b) Computers know everything.
27. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood
    from the corner of their mouth.
28. No one farts, except after eating beans.
29. Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 ot 40 bad guys.
30. Bad guys make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but
    never stick around to see if it works.
31. Christmas Eve and halloween night last for three or four days.
32. Movies based on true stories are made up.
33. Police never wait for back-up.
34. Undercover cops are too good to be spotted.
35. Private detective work is glamorous.
36. All baseball games will be wom with a home run in the bottom of
    the ninth and two outs.
37. All police killings are in self-defense.
38. Everyone wins in Las Vegas.
39. Good guys don't take drugs.
40. The world is teaming with voluptuous, young women who are desperate
    to have sex with pennyless young guys.
41. Nobody ever has trouble finding good parking spots when they are in
    a hurry.
42. High School students look thirty years old.
43. Women never do housework, but their homes are always clean.
44. Street vendor's carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed
    car chases.
45. Everyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool.
46. To kill a vampire, you must set out 5 min before sunset.
47. Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that 
    everyone that went into that dark cellar never came out.
48. The group always splits up to look for the alien.
49. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will explain the entire plot.
50. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will be stretched out for 20
    minutes with commercials. 	

-Garrett@Ingres.com
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies