From: hyler@jaana.ast.saic.com (Buffy Hyler)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Mischievous Child (3 YO)
Date: 14 Aug 92 15:43:49 GMT
Reply-To: hyler@jaana.ast.saic.com
Organization: SAIC

In article 7981@ticipa.pac.sc.ti.com, elise@ticipa.pac.sc.ti.com (Elise Wade) writes:
>
>Lastly (assuming anyone actually reads this far), what kind of preschool
>are you using, Vivienne?  If its a montessori school, or a program that has a
>lot of structure, you could simply have Brit in the wrong school.  
>Methods that require a lot of stucture simply do not work for most 
>children.  When it works -- like perhaps it did for Kina -- it works
>quite well.  When the structured environment isn't a good match, you've
>got *big* problems.  I'd suggest a traditional pre-school environment
>with lots of emphasis on social development and a lot of unstructured
>play time.  

I've seen a few postings in this thread mention this and every time I
think "Thanks *so* much for saying this".  I'm emphasising this here
because it worked absolute wonders for my almost 4 year old son (he's
now 5.5).  Folks may remember me asking for help on how to calm down
agression in my then 3 year old (too much play fighting that would get
out of hand *at his preschool*).

Eventually I just was very tired of receiving notes on his bad behavior
on a twice weekly basis and assorted teacher/parent discussions.  I
went to the director of the school to see if he could be placed with a
different teacher who would help my son more with his social skills.
Something the director said really opened my eyes "Maybe this is the
wrong school for David."  (I'll always remember her fondly for the way
she phrased that).

So I went on my school interview rounds again and my first question
centered on "do you teach academics".  If the answer was yes, on to the
next.  After getting a "no" answer I went to a few schools to talk to
the teachers and view their classroom techniques.  I finally settled on
a preschool that had some structure but the activities were more play
oriented.  They also take a pro-active stance in helping children
develop social skills by getting the kids to talk out there problems
with each other rather than have the teacher intervene.  The teachers
also had the attitude that problems at school are *their* problems, not
the parents, to solve.  If they suspect that the child is being
influenced outside the school (eg. bad language) then they will talk
with the parents.  In the year and a half that David has been at that
school they have only sought me out about 4 times and only then to tell
me something wonderful that David has done.

The director of this latter school later told me that David was very
confused by this school for about 3 months and then suddenly blossomed
wonderfully.  And she said they never saw the agression or blatent
mis-behaving that the other school complained about.

One interesting point: David loved his first (Montessori) school very
much.  So going by his feelings about the school was not a good guide.
It was a better idea to look at his actions.  We never told him why we
switched schools, we just told him it was time to move on as many
children did.

I've seen some wonderful success stories from academic preschools, so I
have nothing against them.  But now in retrospect it was very obvious
that it was the wrong type of school for David.  So I can't emphasize
enough that if anyone has a child who is acting up at preschool they
should reconsider the preschool.  I know how hard it is since the child
usually has friends and attachments, but it *can* make a wonderful
difference.

---
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy Hyler (hyler@jaana.ast.saic.com)
SAIC, Campus Point
San Diego, California
----------------------------------------------------------------------