From: writer2@auroch.HQ.Ileaf.COM (RDM Doc Contractor [Marjorie Peskin])
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Tuboplasty
Date: 7 Apr 92 19:11:35 GMT

Boy oh boy, did Eric Green's post make me angry.  First of all, the woman
asking about Tuboplasty was trying to get information about a significant
surgical procedure that may or may not work.  She did not want, nor did
she ask for a diatribe on adoption.  A helpful answer would have been
to discuss personal experiences with tuboplasty, or perhaps to suggest
alternative ways she might consider becoming pregnant.  Again, she did
not ask for, nor did not want information about someone elses unwanted
child.  She was questioning her own health.

Secondly, what right does anyone have to say if you are having trouble
conceiving, you can only have a damaged or castaway baby of someone
elses.  For those who want to adopt this type of child I have nothing
but the greatest admiration.  But for those who want a child of their
own, who have gone through hours of painful procedures, endured
embarassing and invasive tests, and who have fought long and hard
to battle infertility, do they not have the right to also earn our
respect and admiration?  These people fight so hard for something others
take for granted.  What right does anyone have to tell them that "you
lose..you get the consolation prize...you get to adopt a child from
a million foster homes."  That is so insulting and outrageous.

Finally, perhaps Eric is not familiar with the adoption procedures in
America.  Let me illustrate how adoption is done in my state, Massachusetts,
and then tell me if its fair.  To adopt in Massachusetts means that you
must be very wealthy.  The average adoption costs between 25 and 30 thousand
dollars!  This money has to be given UP FRONT, with no guarantee that
you will ever get or be able to keep a live baby.  In this state
private adoption agencies are the norm.  To go through a public
agency like Catholic Charaties or Jewish Family Service means about a 6
to 10 year wait, if you ever get a chance to get to the head of the list.
If you are over the age of 40 (either partner) you lose.  Too old to
adopt.  So, when you go through a private agency, you pays your money, and
then you wait to see what happens.  And while you are waiting, a
prospecived birth mother looks over all the family albums the
prospective parents have prepared, then chooses the family with`
the biggest house, the fanciest pet, the pony, the Mercedes, etc.  Its
basically a no-win situation for the average joe.  In our state
there is no cross racial adoption.  A white family can only adopt
a white baby unless you go out of the country.  Black and hispanic babies
sit for years in foster care waiting for a loving family, but are
not allowed to go to a white family.

Want to adopt from outside the country?  Try leaving your home and country
for a stay of up to 6 months in the host country, waiting for the day
your baby is released to you.  Any guarantee of a healthy baby...Nope.

And, when you adopt in Massachusetts, one of the parents must stay home
with baby for 6 months.  Need to make a mortgage payment?  You lose
again.

Thats just in this state, which is pretty liberal.  So Eric, the next
time you make a glib suggestion, think about the ramifications
of what you are saying.  If someone wants to have a baby, adoption is
`NEVER the cure for infertility.  Maybe you should read a few books
about infertility treatment and learn about what it is like to go
through shots, daily ultrasounds, dissapointment after disappointment.
Don't suggest adoption as the happy ending to infertility.  FOr some
people it is, but for a lot of people, it isn't.

Marjorie	mrp@world.std.com
Newsgroups: misc.kids