From: adams@mari.acc-admin.stolaf.edu (Brynach ap Adda)
Subject: Re: more Campus Crusade for Christ bullshit
Organization: St. Olaf College; Northfield, MN
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 01:21:49 GMT

In article <Bv4yC9.1uM@encore.com> aaldrich@encore.com (Al Aldrich) writes:
>adams@mari.acc-admin.stolaf.edu (Brynach ap Adda) writes:
>
>>And as for individual love - well, any support and advice folks
>>here can give would be appreciated. I'm living with my parents
>>at the moment, but when I move out, I plan to cut all ties.
>>Maybe for a couple years. Maybe for good. I know at least one
>>other pagan on the net is doing the same, but I lost the article.
>>La Morte - wherever you are - care to write me? 
>
>When I left my mother's home 23 years ago it was at her and my stepfather's
>request, as result of our constant disagreements and my disruption of
>`their' home. I was so mad and incensed that I never wanted to speak to
>or associate with either one of them again. Luckily for me, I did not
>burn any bridges by spouting off about how I felt to them, because after
>being on my own for a couple of years, we began to have some contact via
>occasional phone calls and letters, ( pleasant but not loving ) and over
>the years we have gotten close again on a basis of mutual respect and
>honesty. I finally realized that I would probably do the same thing if
>I had some obnoxious 17 year old in my house, breaking all of my rules.
>So I guess my advice is to NOT make any irreversible decisions or step
>on their feelings so much that they will not want to make reparations
>at some point, because YOU may.

Thanks, Al. That is good general advice, and I appreciate it. However,
a lot of that is really going to depend on them. I plan on leaving a 
letter behind when I go, explaining why I can't share my address and
phone number, and asking them to respect my distance. If they decide
to be so pissed off by this that they'll never speak to me again - 
that would be terribly sad, but I'm afraid it's just a risk I'll
have to take at this point. The only reason I would do such a thing
anyway is that I know from experience that my space would NOT be
respected if they did know where I was. I could get an answering
machine and screen my calls, like a lot of us do, but I just don't
think I could deal with the increasingly desperate messages, "Please
call us... we CARE about you..."

The kind of "caring" I get from this relationship right now has 
little to do with me as a person; it's more an assumption of
responsibility on my parents' part. They are profoundly uninterested
in me as an individual, and it is that kind of smothering tie which
I have got to break away from. This has little to do with any 
specific rules or objectionable behavior. It has a lot to do with
respect. I want communication with them to be based, as you say,
al, on mutual respect and honesty. First we have to make clear
what the boundaries are. That was what they were doing in tossing
you out; that is what I am doing in leaving. I've got to get my
own life together before I can deal with them.
 
>BTW..did you know there is a dark beer in New England named Sam Adams ?

No fucking kidding. Sorry, but I get confronted with that fact
every time I try to drink in a place where they know me. *groan*
Not a bad brew, but I prefer some of the small Minnesota breweries
for both price and flavor.

Did you know? Sam Adams was indeed a brewer - but his brewery went
bust because he spent too much time at politics. I wonder if the
people using his name know that?

>Good Luck and Blessed Be

diolch yn fawr - a bendith i chi.

>>Brynach Brawdfran ap Adda       (Sam Adams)   adams@mari.acc-admin.stolaf.edu
>-- 
>Al Aldrich	inet:aaldrich@encore.com

Brynach Brawdfran ap Adda       (Sam Adams)   adams@mari.acc-admin.stolaf.edu

"I am the Wheel, I am the Turning..."    - Brian Eno and John Cale