From: ST701852@brownvm.brown.edu (Carole E. Mah)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american
Subject: inter-racial dating
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 17:55:10 EST
Organization: Brown University - Providence, Rhode Island  USA
NNTP-Posting-Host: brownvm.brown.edu
News-Software: BNN via BNN_POST v1.0 beta

   Rob responds to Tanin --
>Maybe the young woman is bisexual.  Did that thought ever occur to you?

  Yes, you might call me that. :) And thanks, Rob.

But I find it quite interesting that no one has taken up the main
issue I presented, namely that class might play a part in people's
dating decisions.  Hmmmm, interesting.

Let me put it another way. To answer defenso's plea for a substantive
answer on the race question, I say the following:
   Yes, race plays a SUBSTANTIAL part in why I choose to date
mainly Caucasian Women.  So does gender.  Does this mean that I
hate Asians and or that I hate men? Does it mean I am a racist,
man-hating lesbian?
   Think about the topic under discussion: love.
Lesbianism is NOT about hating men (at least for me).
It is about LOVING women.  Similarly, loving a white person
does not mean I HATE people of other races.
   Yes, of course there is some internalized racism and sexism
and homophobia in me, and in all of us.  This is unavoidable
when one is raised in our society.  And we must own that.  However,
our dating practices are only ONE manifestation of our attitudes
towards other human beings.
   Or, look at it this way.  I prefer to date women because I am
more attracted to them, because the emotional connection is stronger,
because of whatever unexplainable chemistry happens when a person
falls in love with someone.  I have more in common with women than
I do with men.  In my long-term, monogamous relationships,
I will probably tend to fall in love with women.  However,
love is not a rational, quantifiable, predictable thing.  So sometimes
I will fall for a man.  I just tend to meet more women to whom
I am attracted AND I also prefer to SEEK OUT women, because
I am more attracted to them.
   Why is this so? Some people think sexual orientation is learned,
and some people think one is "born that way." No one knows. I think
it is a combination of both.
  Similarly, I prefer to date caucasians because I am more attracted
to them, because I connect emotionally more easily to most causcasian
people I meet than I do with most non-caucasian people i meet.  etc.
However, this does not mean I CANNOT and DO NOT connect emotionally
and physically with Asian-Am, African-Am, or Latino/a people.
It just means I have usually found it easier to connect to white people.
  Why is this so?  Again, it is a combination of nature and nuture.
Partly it is because of some unexplainable innate chemistry. Part of
it is because of how I was raised.  AND.
   AND, part of it is CIRCUMSTANCE.  I suspect if I lived on the
West Coast where there are more Asian-Americans, the chances that
I would have met and fallen in love with an Asian-American woman
Or even a man) would be much greater than here on the east coast.
Or if I had gone to a more racially diverse school I might have
had the opportunity to meet more non-caucasian people and possibly
fall in love with one.
   There is one place where the parallel is not perfect. I do not
SEEK OUT white people to date, unlike the way I SEEK OUT women.
When I am looking for a relationship I do not say to myself,
hmmm, let's find a cute white dyke to fall in love with.
No, instead I think, ok, I hope I meet a woman to whom I am
attracted and who is attracted to me.  Sometimes I have been attracted
to asian women. But there don't happen to be many around here.
And most are either straight, are already going out with another woman,
or are not interested in me.
  And yes, I HAVE been attracted to Asian men, too. But again,
there are not that many around here, and I have little in common
with them, especially class-wise (70% of the student body is WAY
wealthy, regardless of race), as I explained before.  Plus I do not
seek out men to date.
  So, yes, race plays a SIGNIFICANT role in whom I date, partly because
of circumstance (i.e., there are more white people around here than other
people), partly because of the racism we ALL (even us Asian-Americans!)
internalize.  However, race, while SIGNIFICANT, is complicated by
a billion other factors.
  Does that make sense? I hope so.
Sorry if it doesnt, I have a raging flu/cold and need sleep. cough cough.
Carole
--- Thelma and Louise in '92! ---
carole elaine mah
st701852@brownvm.bitnet
st701852@brownvm.brown.edu
Carole_Mah@brown.edu
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Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american