HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: lairdpg@lub001.lamar.edu
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: MOOOOOOORE BLONDE JOKES!
Date: 22 Jul 92 19:46:44 +1700
Organization: Lamar University - Beaumont

MORE BLONDE JOKES
-----------------

Did you hear about the Blonde who ran out of ice cubes and couldn't make
anymore because she forgot the recipe?
---------------
A blonde got birth control pills mixed up with aspirins.... Now she has a
baby who will NEVER have a headache.
---------------
Doctor: "You are going to have twins."
Blonde: "impossible, I haven't been on any double dates."
---------------
Do you know why it takes a blonde 5 days to wash her basement windows?
4 1/2 days to dig the holes for the ladder.
---------------
Two blondes were watching a trombone player perform at a musical event.
One asks the other, "Is that guy really swallowing that thing"?
---------------
Have you ever noticed when a blonde is fighting to keep a wolf from the
front door the stork usually comes down the chimney?
---------------
Man: "If you see my wife, tell her to come home at once!"
Blonde:  "And what do I tell her if I don't see her?"
---------------
Did you hear the blonde broke her arm raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
---------------
Blondes claim to have invented the wheel.  It could be true they have been
going around in circles so long.
---------------
In Beverly Hills, when a blonde runs out of birth control pills, she takes
and aspirin - and holds it firmly between her knees.
---------------
One good thing about being a blonde - You'll never miss a phone call
because you are in the bathtub.
---------------
Why do blondes take a watch when they cross the Mojave Desert?  because there
is a spring in it.
---------------
Man:  "I see a green snake!"
Blonde: "Don't touch it, it might be as dangerous as a ripe one!"
---------------
And last but not least ----------------->

Blonde Student to teacher: "But I don't think I deserve an absolute zero,
teacher!"
Teacher: "Yes, but it is the lowest grade I can legally give you!"

Now comes the fun part, boo me off stage... (hehehehehe)
From: aahz@netcom.com (Aahzmandius)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Define "FEMININE" anything goes...
Date: 30 Jul 92 12:48:27 GMT
Organization: Bill 'n' Opus for Prez

In article <MARTINC.92Jul29212743@grover.cs.unc.edu> martinc@grover.cs.unc.edu (Charles R. Martin) writes:
>Only one (1) question:  what's a NASTAR race?

Skiing.  But you knew that already, didn't you?
-- 
                         --- Aahz (the *other* Dan Bernstein)
                             @netcom.com 

Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6

Babbage's Birthday Bargain Bash -- December 26th, 1992
From: martinc@grover.cs.unc.edu (Charles R. Martin)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: East Side, West Side  The Boink is coming to Town ...
Date: 25 Jul 92 20:51:23 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: UNC Department of Computer Science
In-reply-to: haroome@rodan.acs.syr.edu's message of 24 Jul 92 19:47:05 GMT

Argue?  *Me* argue?

Never.
--
Charles R. Martin/(Charlie)/martinc@cs.unc.edu/(ne crm@cs.duke.edu) 
O/Dept. of Computer Science/CB #3175 UNC-CH/Chapel Hill, NC 27599-3175
H/3611 University Dr #13M/Durham, NC 27707/(919) 419 1754
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"I am he who walks the States with a barb'd tongue, questioning every
one I meet,/Who are you that wanted only to be told what you knew
before?/ Who are you that wanted only a book to join you in your
nonsense?"  _Leaves of Grass_ xxiii.4.
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: jjj@mits.mdata.fi (Joni Jarvenkyla)
Subject: Re: Oh No!  I'm still a Nice Guy!
Organization: Microdata Oy, Helsinki, Finland
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 19:57:18 GMT

In article <1860@sheoak.bcae.oz.au> i900019@redgum.ucnv.edu.au (Tim Knipe) writes:
>Guy.  The more I look, the worse the signs are.  Lots of friends (male
>and female).  People laying their problems on me.  No SO.  Oh god, is it
>really _that_ bad?  :-(

No.

Just learn to masturbate successfully.

-- 
jjj@mits.mdata.fi             Kirjoitatko sin{ n{it{ ihan selvin p{in?
jjj@niksula.hut.fi                          -Petteri J{rvinen
From: luzenko@catfish.ocpt.ccur.com (Bill Luzenko)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: seeking higher ground
Date: 21 Jul 92 13:15:21 GMT
Organization: Concurrent - Oceanport NJ










In soc.singles I find that men comments are six times the womens.
And when a women is involved in three times out of five we have a
battle of the  sexes.  Anyone  can  project  this  confidence  in
themselves  that polarizes one against the other. I would use the
bandwith to get down to details to find the infinitesimal  common
ground  which would yield the faintest echo of cordial thaught as
hard as it may seem.

So if someone out there is trying to avoid the current pitfall or
name  dropping and the male beachmaster mentality/ female lack of
a certain hormone lets talk!!


I am sending this again because of the lack of carriage returns
in the first message. Thank you for your responses............













































Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: ewillims@unix1.tcd.ie (Emma Williams)
Subject: Re: She called, I came, she smiled, I slept
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 11:29:12 GMT

In <1992Jul20.164950.22739@news.acns.nwu.edu> drmax@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (Marianna Max) writes:

>In article <ewillims.711648735@unix1.tcd.ie> ewillims@unix1.tcd.ie (Emma Williams) writes:
>>In <1992Jul20.044826.16128@uwm.edu> markh@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Mark William Hopkins) writes:
>>>You have an awfully weird idea of how to have sex with your girlfriends.  As
>>>everybody knows, the man's only proper role and source of pleasure in
>>>lovemaking is in making the woman climax, climax, climax, ..., climax till
>>>she passes out from the pleasure overload.
>>
>>	Oh, be still my beating heart.......
>>
>>	May I please nominate this as the ultimate motto of all male
>>subscribers to soc.singles??? Does anyone second the motion? :>
>>
>>				Emma. :>
>>
>Ah Emma dear, why increase the perception that all women are selfish
>bitches?

>Personally I love the feel and sound of my lover coming........


	Marianna dear, I think you'll find that I said nothing at all about 
not wishing to do exactly the same for my lover! However, on re-reading my
post, I see that I should have said "May I please nominate this as the
 motto for all subscribers to soc.singles?"
Replace Mark's words "the MAN'S only role" with "the Lover's only role"...

    ____________________________________________________________________
    |   Emma Williams            | Dad, I guess you're wondering why   |
    |   ewillims@unix1.tcd.ie    | I'm ringing you..--Calvin & Hobbes  |
    |				 | (eller Steen og Stoffer :-> )       |
    |____________________________|_____________________________________|
 
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: s_mesbah@engr
Subject: Re: pissing with a hard-o
Organization: Memorial University of Newfoundland
Date: Sun, 26 Jul 1992 14:13:12 GMT

In article <1480.1787.uupcb@spacebbs.com>, mike.mcaulay@spacebbs.com (Mike Mcaulay) writes:
> djp@ecs.soton.ac.uk (David Pritchard) writes:
> 
> DP>The problem is that it is very difficult to get "right down the crapper".
> DP>To be more precise, the "pisser", "pissoir" or "bog".  I find that the
> DP>only solutions are
> DP>        1.  Use the kitchen sink, standing well back after calculating
> DP>                the trajectories.
> DP>        2.  Use a hand to divert the flow from basically up to basically
> DP>                down. (remembering to wash thoroughly after).
> 
> Re #2:  Ooh, dude, you're a more ingenious fellow than I.
> 
> Seriously, it is precisely this activity which separates the men from
> the boys.  Both fail miserably and make a terrible mess of the bathroom,
> but only the men agonize over it publicly.
> 
> M.
> ---
>  . SLMR 2.1a . Recycle taglines!
>          

I personally think that pissing with a hard-on is a waste of time, I mean why
waste a perfectly good hard-on on a piss.
From: aland@informix.com (Colonel Panic)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Don't try this at home!!
Summary: Listening to the Enemy
Date: 23 Jul 92 07:04:14 GMT
Organization: The Helen Keller-Bondurant High Performance Driving School for the Blind

In article <1992Jul22.195404.21588@mercury.cair.du.edu> rahansen@zephyr.cair.du.edu (Dark Techie) writes:
>>In article <thurlow.711780611@convex.convex.com> thurlow@convex.com (Robert Thurlow) writes:
>>|If you value your current state of mind, do NOT get drunk and pull
>>|out the classical music.  It gets you twisted.  Good twisted, but
>>|maybe better twisted than you can handle.  Your cat will think
>>|you're absolutely nuts (but then she's never trusted you anyway).
>
>A good piece to do this with is Berlioz's "Symphonie Fantastique".  I think one

Unless, of course, you're with Julia Roberts...             [-:

>has to admire a composer that would write a piece about a love-lorne writer
>who tries to OD on opium, but instead has this wild trip, especially the 
>girlfriend/witch motiff (Berlioz had insight  :-)  ).
>
>Just my $.04 worth.
>Dark Techie

Didya ever have a bit too much and play Ravel's Bolero (from LP) at 45 RPM
and put it on repeat and tape it that way many times back-to-back and then
play it continuously?

Um, nah, neither did I...


--
Alan Denney      aland@informix.com      {pyramid|uunet}!infmx!aland

  "Musicians are just a bunch of thieves."           - Mark Knopfler
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: laku@vipunen.hut.fi (Lauri H Eklin)
Subject: Re: Unconventional ways to meet SO's
Reply-To: laku@vipunen.hut.fi (Lauri H Eklin)
Organization: Helsinki University of Technology
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 08:44:14 GMT

>>>Ok, Let me hear about unconventional ways you met your current or >ex-SO's
>

	A friend of mine was crawling under the table at a nice
party (he was verVERY drunk) and bumped his head into the knees
of a girl. The girl  thought he was making a very physical
pass at her and so she got rather angry and let it show. My friend,
who is a very gentleman -like started to apologize and tried in
every verbal way to make up this unfortunate event. And he managed
pretty well, as the girl began to think that this fellow was
rather cute and nice and polite. Now they are a happy couple.
From: swann@acsu.buffalo.edu (Stephen Swann)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Don't try this at home!!
Date: 25 Jul 92 01:42:57 GMT
Organization: UB

In article <1992Jul24.161616.22267@muppet.bt.co.uk> bart@muppet.bt.co.uk writes:
>>If you value your current state of mind, do NOT get drunk and pull
>>out the classical music.  It gets you twisted.  Good twisted, but
>>maybe better twisted than you can handle.  
>
>I thought thats what Hawkwind is for.

Shhhhhhhhh!  That's a secret.


-- 
Steve Swann                 |    Speak to me in many voices; make
swann@acsu.buffalo.edu      |      them all sound like one...  -BOC
From: "david ogilvie" <david.ogilvie@canrem.com>
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: of canadians and arit
Date: 29 Jul 92 19:25:03 EST
Reply-To: "david ogilvie" <david.ogilvie@canrem.com>
Distribution: soc
Organization: Canada Remote Systems

WL>Sweepstakes open to residents of the United States and Canada, except
WL>employees of... In order to win a prize, residents of Canada will be
WL>required to correctly answer a time-limited arithmetical skill-test question.

WL>                               Walter

Hi Walter!

WL>What disclaimer?

This is required by Canadian law.  A person must be able to answer a
question that proves they are alive and has a bit of intellegence
before they can be awarded a prize in this ype of sweepstakes
contest.  Who know why, but it's required!

Dave
---
  DeLuxe/386 1.25 #238  
--
Canada Remote Systems  - Toronto, Ontario/Detroit, MI
World's Largest PCBOARD System - 416-629-7000/629-7044
From: rawdon@cabrales.cs.wisc.edu (Michael Rawdon)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Neccesary and sufficient conditions
Date: 23 Jul 92 18:08:41 GMT
Reply-To: rawdon@cabrales.cs.wisc.edu
Organization: University of Wisconsin Computer Sciences Dept., Madison, WI

In <70369@apple.Apple.COM> stef@Apple.COM (Stef Jones) writes:
>Once upon a time only men had performance anxiety. Now due to the sexual
>revolution and women's rights, women can have it too! Yes, women too can
>feel inferior if they don't have dozens of ejaculatory orgasms per night...

Really?  Gee, I was always quite happy if my ex-gf had only one orgasm.  Heck,
I was content if she just told me that she had a good time, orgasm or no...

...what more could you want?

-- 
Michael Rawdon
rawdon@cabrales.cs.wisc.edu
University of Wisconsin Computer Sciences Department, Madison, WI

Mondays are not part of the productive work week:
	...eight hours and all I did today is compose this memo...
	...actually, it's more like a sentence than a whole memo...
	...and it probably needs a verb to be a sentence...
							- Dilbert
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: mariac@athena.mit.edu (Edwin Marin)
Subject: Re: Would you Shag a 14 year old ??
Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 13:13:45 GMT



Hi,

This is my first post.  I've been reading the newsgroup for a while but 
couldn't keep myself from answering this one.


In article <1992Jul22.110524.8580@cs.hw.ac.uk> neilp@cs.hw.ac.uk (Neil Postlethwaite) writes:
>
>
>Given the opportunity if you came across a seriously gorgeously horny
>girl who was very repsonsive and willing to get to bed with you, but
>you knew she was only 14 years old.
>
>Would you ??
>
>a/	Without a second thought
>b/	Only if you knew you would not be caught
>c/	?
>

Sick!!! What would I do?  just walk away....

If it was only a joke, ignore the post...



Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: mcregor@s.psych.uiuc.edu (Meloney Cregor)
Subject: Re: Those looooong and hard love sessions
Organization: Dept. of Psychology, Univ. of Illinois, Urbana
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 15:16:12 GMT

In article <1992Jul22.185909.1412@walter.bellcore.com> nobody writes:

>>An ex-SO and I spent a four day weekend in bed... of course there were trips
>>to the bathroom (some things just can't be ignored) and the kitchen (ever seen
>>"9 1/2 weeks"? :).
>
>If there was ever such a thing as an ExclusiveMaleThread, this would be it.

Walter!  You little sexist piglet.

I do vehemently beg to differ.   Having been the participant of a couple 
of those four day weekends  (weekdays?) in bed, I must remind you it does
take two for nude twister ( well, at least two).

However, I found the original question could have been broken into two
questions;  (now if I could just remember what they were....)
Oh, yeah, to paraphrase, how long I would have liked to continue and how
long it did continue?

Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: kuehn@citadel.scd.ucar.edu (Jeff Kuehn)
Subject: Re: Used threads
Keywords: Bill Bixby 
Reply-To: kuehn@citadel.scd.ucar.edu (Jeff Kuehn)
Organization: NCAR / Scientific Computing Division, Boulder CO.
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 22:51:02 GMT

In article <1992Jul22.174803.3516@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>, tlode@nyx.cs.du.edu (trygve lode) writes:
> 
> in <MARTINC.92Jul22113603@grover.cs.unc.edu>
>     Charles R. Martin writes
>  
> > Don't you all think these problems would be solved if you just grew
> > about 10 inches and gained 75 pounds?
> 
> Weeell, I don't know if that would make the shipping people any more
> punctual, but it would make answering the door lots more fun.  (Have
> to get a taller front door for proper effect, though.)
> 
> Trygve    ("You rang?") 

Actually, to *really* get the effect, I suppose you could add the
chainmail!

-- 
Jeff Kuehn,    SCD Consulting Office, National Center for Atmospheric Research
==============================================================================
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we
speak. -- Epictetus
From: dy@depsych.Gwinnett.COM (Dr. Yes)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Life After College
Date: 25 Jul 92 13:07:57 GMT

walter (Walter Lego) writes:

> You are just looking at the result of social conditioning which makes a lot
> of men spend all their time honing up their first-two-minutes capabilities 
> in order to "get their foot in the door". This is the main reason why bars 
> aren't all that great for meeting potential mates. Either spend more time 
> with a person that is willing to stick around for more than two minutes
> or find a place that forces you to talk/interact for a while.
     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Like where?

--
Still Using Waffle 1.64!    | Wafffle, QEdit and Webster's
                            | NewWorld -- one great menage a
                            | trois!
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: terrylee@wpi.WPI.EDU (The Cookie Goddess)
Subject: Re: Those looooong and hard love sessions (was: Re: She called, I came, she smiled, I slept)
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 05:47:25 GMT

In article <1992Jul21.204551.5268@uwm.edu> markh@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Mark William Hopkins) writes:
>
>         What's the longest you've ever spent (or ever wanted to spend)
>         making love with someone?

Wanted to spend?  FOREVER.

terrylee
From: achaulk@wtcp.DaytonOH.NCR.COM (Alex Chaulk)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Sexual Selectivity and Barbary Macaques
Keywords: selectivity, sociobiology, complexity
Date: 29 Jul 92 21:51:41 GMT
Reply-To: achaulk@wtcp.DaytonOH.NCR.COM (Alex Chaulk)
Organization: WIN Dataplus Services WTC-1 - Dayton, OH

In article <1992Jul28.020418.1275@cbnewsd.cb.att.com>
jfb200@cbnewsd.cb.att.com (joseph.f.baugher) writes:

[Stuff Deleted]

>
>In most mating rituals in the animal world, it is usually  the  female
>of  the  species that is the more choosy and fussier sex.  Ranging all
>the way from fruit flies to birds, the female seems  willing  to  mate
>only  with  males of high status and superior physical fitness. a
>By  allowing  only  "superior"  males  to  be  able to become
>fathers, female choice acts as a powerful  selective  agent,  allowing
>these  traits  to  be  passed  on  to  succeeding  generations.   This
>biological driving force may extend to primates and  perhaps  even  to
>human beings....

   This is also the same socio-biological view that extends to rape.  I.E. 
Those males who are not "superior" (those whose traits are not viewed as being
as competitive as another's) may find the need to force sexual activity upon
females who would ordinarily not permit them to do so.  This is also evident
throughout the animal kingdom.  E.G.  When female bullfrogs swim in the
direction of a "superior" (I.E. loud) male bullfrog, a weaker male bullfrog
may attempt to intercept the female before she has reached her target and
force copulation upon her.  

>who want only guys with money and power, and the complaints from women
>The Barbary  macaque  study  seems  to  indicate  that  female  sexual
>behavior  among  these  primates  may  be much more complicated than a
>simple sociobiological model might indicate.  When the females were in
>estrus,  they  would mate with just about any male who happened along.
>Sometimes they would choose a high- status mate,  but  sometimes  they
>wouldn't.    Sometimes  they  would  mate with a known male, sometimes
>they would mate with a complete stranger.  The mating  process  seemed
>to  be  completely  random,  certainly  much  more  so  than  a simple
>deterministic model of female sexual selectivity might suggest.

  There are problems extending this to Homo Sapiens.  1) Estrus in females is
hidden to males (I.E. Males don't know when the best time to "mate" and
concieve is) and 2) Most of us don't engage in sexual activity for the express
purpose of conceiving a child.  We do it because it is enjoyable and
pleasurable.  I'm not sure if Macaques and other animals engage in sexual
activity for this purpose too.

Alex J.
Dayton OH
From: lairdpg@lub001.lamar.edu
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: A short metaphor for love
Date: 29 Jul 92 23:02:49 +1700
Organization: Lamar University - Beaumont

In article <l7bdquINN92v@news.bbn.com>, dhardin@bbn.com (Dawn Hardin) writes:
> I asked the baby for a kiss and she whapped me in the face with a block.
> 
> Dawn
> "If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so
> that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead.  If he attempts to kiss
> her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from
> the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet.  This will generally
> dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory."
> "Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride" by Ruth Smythers (1894)

I have a better idea:

You tie a rope around that gown at the knees, stand up and don't untie the
ropes till hubby gets home...
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: pete@mokey.b17a.ingr.com (Pete Owen)
Subject: Re: Need serious advice
Organization: Intergraph
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 13:55:12 GMT

Perhaps a youngster  8->  like myself (28 yrs.) should avoid trying to
advise those who have been married, divorced, etc.  but I'll try anyhow.

I know personally that if I were to tell a SO that I wanted to date
around, she would be wise to move on immediately.   If a woman told
me she wanted to date other people, I would figure it's time to start
looking around myself, long term past happiness notwithstanding.  Your SO
probably _is_ confused, unsure what he wants, etc..  Saying he is afraid
of losing you may be less a sign of love and more a sign of wanting the
security you provide.  It may sound cynical but PEOPLE ARE SELFISH, 
some more than others, but we all look out for ourselves. The point is he 
may not want to lose the security you provide, while still wanting to look for
something else.  Make no mistake, dating is a means to find new lovers,
new wives, husbands, or at least cheap sex (sorry, had to make that joke)
and while he may just want to sow some oats and come back later, I wouldn't 
put my money on it.

Another thought: it might be a good risk to let him know you're ready
to start looking around too.  I think that could very possibly prompt
him to do some hard thinking and perhaps push the issue to resolution.
Either you'll really break up, or he'll decide he needs you AND ONLY
you, but either way you'll be better off. 

Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: thurlow@convex.com (Robert Thurlow)
Subject: Re: Don't try this at home!!
Organization: Engineering, CONVEX Computer Corp., Richardson, Tx., USA
Date: Sun, 26 Jul 1992 04:33:09 GMT
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

In <14r4o0INNcdb@network.ucsd.edu> mbk@lyapunov.ucsd.edu (Matt Kennel) writes:

>Oh that must be my problem. more CD's than dates.  More beer than CD's? 

Well, I'm not going to give up enough CDs to ever be innocent of the
first allegation, but I'm certainly in no danger of having more beer
than CDs (unless you measure the beer in grams :-).  My last girlfriend's
sister-in-law made the statement that I was worth marrying just for my
CDs :-)

Rob T
--
Rob Thurlow, thurlow@convex.com
Heaven knows / No frontiers
And I've seen heaven in your eyes			- Jimmy McCarthy
Newsgroups: soc.singles
From: jdnicoll@watyew.uwaterloo.ca (James Davis Nicoll)
Subject: Re: Would you Shag a 14 year old ??
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 15:32:05 GMT

In article <Bs3sux.4DL@watdragon.uwaterloo.ca> jdnicoll@watyew.uwaterloo.ca (James Davis Nicoll) writes:
>In article <1992Jul27.222523.28895@zooid.guild.org> ross@zooid.guild.org (Ross Ridge) writes:
>>
>>This is isn't the States, but interestlingly enough in Ontario the age of
>>consent is 14.  I don't know if this make it legal for anybody to "Shag"
>>this hypothetical 14 year, as a man over the age of 21 seducing a girl
>>under the age of 21 is illegal(*).  In fact you can be sued for damages
>>by the girls father.  There may very well be similar laws in New Zealand.  
>>
>
>	Uh, oh.
>

	Clarification, so that I don't get added to the Claytoon Cramer
list of 'people who do it iwth children': I was refering to the bit about
21 year olds, not 14.

								James Nicoll