From: gthkoh@ntuix.ntu.ac.sg (Koh Thong Hwee)
Subject: Re: When is it Miss/Mr. Right
Organization: Nanyang Technological University - Singapore
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 04:39:14 GMT

Michael Gordon Weaver (weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM) wrote:
: In article <C137Dp.3nG@unix.amherst.edu> llatwood@unix.amherst.edu (Laura Atwood) writes:
: >Dave Babinsky (aa762@cleveland.Freenet.Edu) wrote:
: >> 
: >> How do you know that you've finally met your love of a lifetime
: >> and what makes it feel that way? 
: >
: >I don't know because I haven't ever been there, but maybe it's more
: >a matter of deciding than knowing; i.e. you can know that there are
: >probably numerous people out there you have the _potential_ to do
: >well with, but you're happy enough with the person and relationship
: >you have that any potential with others is irrelevant.  You know
: >you want to share the rest of your life with this particular
: >person, to continue to develop the relationship you've actually 
: >built and to let go of thoughts of mere possibilities and potentials.
: >

I agree.  I think it's a feeling that you are very open towards that person
and that you dare to be yourself, knowing that he/she will accept you as
you are.  In his/her company, you are very much at ease with yourself and
with the world around you.  You know that there is always someone close
who will stand by you, encourage you and support you.  

I also would like to think that in the company of such a person, you are very
much alive -- very aware of your feelings of joy, peace, hurt, disappointment,
anger, frustration, etc.  and you very much want to share them with him/her.
And I think it is this sharing that makes for the emotional intimacy and the
feeling of security that the other person brings.  You know that he/she may
not always agree with your views or opinions but you can trust him/her that
he/she will not ride roughshod over your feelings.

Consequently, you dare to participate in life with more confidence.  In fact,
you desire to live life again -- to savour the ups and downs the day throws
up, knowing that you will likely to enjoy more whatever the day will bring
forth.

Because the extensive sharing of thoughts and feelings between you both
did not occur overnight but over a period of gradual opening up to the other
party, I feel that such a relationship is not easily replaced.  Most couples
in such situation, I think, are aware of this too.  Hence, they rather
continue building on what they have already achieved together and forget
about potential third parties and possibilities.

: When you fall in love, it is not a rational decision, but it is a sort
: of decision. It is a decision to be fully open to another person.  For
: me at least, once I have made this decision, it is like a fact, and I
: have no doubt that I love the woman. I will do what ever it takes to
: make the relationship successful. I suppose that things will look

Of course we are all more committed when we have such a supportive/
encouraging relationship going that we do not want to end it.

: This is good advice. I haven't always followed it, though. I think once
: you fall in love, you will stop worrying about whether the person you
: are in love with is better or worse than anyone else. You accept them.
: There shortcomings may cause you pain, but you wouldn't stop loving
: them because someone else is 'better'.  And I believe that as a human

It's a case of "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" I guess.

: >Again, these are all just theoretical thoughts for me.

: Peace,
: Michael.

And my $0.02 too!

TH
Newsgroups: alt.romance