From: ap.1715@cupid.sai.com
Subject: Anonymous post
Followup-To: alt.personals
X-Ecs-Version: ECS 1.0
Reply-To: ap.1715@cupid.sai.com
Organization: EZ-Intro Contact Service
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 92 21:21:08 GMT
X-Iso: SF


	How many of you out there are as disenchanted with conventional
relationships as I am? The pressure to make that "good first impression"
wondering if he'll call back, or at this end, wondering if she'll go 
out with me again. The games on the phone, the fear of commitment, the
fear of rejection, etc.

I'm sorry to inform you, I have no openings for a "girl-friend."

I do, however, have room for a pet. In my opinion, "pet" is very
much a better offer. Guys almost always do their girls wrong, but
they always love their pets. As a pet you would get:

	A cozy cardboard box with shredded, fluffy newspaper
		(changed at least once a week). Of corse,
		after the first loney wimper, I would let
		you get on the bed with me.
	Your own dish with your name on it. I would NEVER
		let you eat from a dirty dish.
	A healthy diet,suplemented with table scraps, plus
		vitimine supplements. Once a week, I would
		add a raw egg to your food to keep your
		hair nice and shiny.
	I'm also good with the little details; Your nails 
		would always be clipped. As needed I would
		scrape the tarter from your teeth. I've 
		never let one of my pets get worms, ticks,
		or even a flea.
	After every walk, I would carfully examine you _all_ 
		over_, making shure that you didn't get any
		fleas or ticks, also checking your feet (paws?)
		for thorns or glass.
	You would be bathed and shampooed once or twice a week.
		I would gently suds you all over and sponge you
		off, with special attention to sensitive areas.
		As long as fleas aren't a problem, we can skip
		the dip part.
	Here in Florida, we get long rainny afternoons, but not
		to worry, we can while away the time with you 
		sitting on my lap while I gently pet and stroke
		you. (Did I mention I have very soft hands?) I
		feel that it is very important that a pet feel
		loved and cared for, and gentle caressing is the
		best way to express this. 
	There're many things we could do togather. We can go hunting
		togather (I would NEVER take a girl-friend!) and
		you could point out smaller animals for me to kill.
		Then we would go home and share in our catch. You
		can lap up the blood while I skin 'em.
		I could throw the frisby for you and you can catch
		it in your mouth, bringing it back to me. I never
		get tired of that game.
		I know many very cute tricks to teach you, we might
		get to go on David Lettermen's show!
	I'm very easy-going when it comes to the rolled-up news-paper.
		As long as you don't chew up my shoes or crap on the
		carpet, you would get only kindness and affection from
		me.
	I work full time. If you seemed to get too lonely durring the
		day, I would get a second pet to keep you company. It
		would also make it more fun when we all played togather.
	Yes, it sounds like a crazy offer, but consider this:
 guys almost always forget their old girlfriends, but they get very
sentemental when they remember their old pets. Reds/Blonds preferd,
but any breed will be considered, based on temperment.
Central Florida area.
			-a kind, lonely master.


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