HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: DAVIS@licra.dn.mu.oz.au
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Apostrophe's (was Re: Limerick's)
Date: 18 Aug 92 07:13:34 GMT
Organization: Ludwig Institute for Cancer Research

In article <1992Aug16.072323.25764@micor.ocunix.on.ca>, 
goss@micor.ocunix.on.ca (Timothy D. Goss) violates copyright by reproducing 
some good limericks.

[deleted]

One question though; if these are Limerick's, then where are yours?


Ian Davis                                  DAVIS@licr.dn.mu.oz.au
Ludwig Institute for Cancer Research
Melbourne Tumour Biology Branch
Melbourne, Australia.
From: ralf@ark.abg.sub.org (Ralf Stephan)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Advocacy
Date: 15 Aug 92 22:47:00 GMT
Organization: Private Coherent 4.0.1 site Augsburg/Bavaria/Germany

david@c-cat.UUCP (dave) writes:
> 
> I am all for Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" effort.
> If anyone asks you if you do drugs.
> then follow what Nancy says and just say "NO".

Reminds me of the "Spitting Image" scene where a bunch of kids are sitting
around the TV and drinking, smoking, fixing etc., when Nancy appears on
the screen, holding her "Just say No" speech - of course, they stop doing
what they did, until Nancy says "...so that you become a clean American
like me."  Suddenly the kids freeze, look at each other, and then continue
to drink, smoke, fix etc.

Just Say Yo!
-----------"Life - loath it or ignore it, you can't like it."  - Guess who?
Xref: sparky rec.humor:26331 alt.politics.clinton:2136 talk.politics.guns:19437
From: steve@fulcrum.oz.au (Steve Taylor)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Keywords: joke, very funny, haha, etc.
Date: 18 Aug 92 08:42:50 GMT
Organization: The Fulcrum Consulting Group

In <#a9msdc.crisp@netcom.com> crisp@netcom.com (Richard Crisp) writes:

>"The first thing you have to do is disarm the people. A disarmed
>public can't fight back" -Adolf Hitler

>It is interesting that the so called enlightened Democrats
>seem to espouse the same tactics of Hitler: disarm the
>public, create a national police force, and enlist the aid of  
>the media propaganda machine to make all believe that the country
>must take drastic measures to correct the so called sins of the
>prior regime. Those that follow will be as culpable as the 
>brownshirts and Hitler Youth.

Wow! What a brilliant comparison! I used to think the U.S. Government was
more like Lenin because they both supported rural electrification, but
you've turned me right around.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: cab@col.hp.com (Chris Best)
Subject: Re: Lawyer jokes
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 22:08:56 GMT
Organization: your service

> >Three friends, an architect, a lawyer and a veterinarian (sp?) were all arguing...
>                                              ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> That's why Americans call them "vets" :-)
> No offense intended,

---------

None taken.  What are you talking about?
From: boffo@wam.umd.edu (Sharon Roseanne Millman)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: FORUM Mailing List
Date: 16 Aug 92 15:54:01 GMT
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park

Sign me up as well.
Dan
boffo@wam.umd.edu
From: kinzler@cs.indiana.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle
Subject: The Return of the Usenet Oracle
Date: 18 Aug 92 16:13:03 GMT
Reply-To: kinzler@cs.indiana.edu
Followup-To: rec.humor.oracle.d
Organization: Computer Science, Indiana University

The Usenet Oracle is back in action.  Please let me know if you
experience any problems using it.

Enjoy,                                          Steve Kinzler
From: Hamish.Moffatt%f3.n30173.z3@cloud.pub.uu.oz.au (Hamish Moffatt)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: I'm sorry, the number you have reached...
Date: 13 Aug 92 09:53:53 GMT

In a msg on <Aug 01 19:32>, Paul Mailman (mailman@Atex.Kodak.COM ) writes:

 PM> I tried mailing to the oracle and my mail got bounced. Is the 
 PM> oracle dead? sick? on an intergalactic cruise in 
 PM> his/her/its/our office? When is/are it/them/we due to 
 PM> return/be reincarnated?

iuvax is being replaced, and the oracle is unavailable while iuvax is
unavailable. I believe it'll take Steve a few weeks to get oracle working on the
new machine too. At least Steve should be back from Barcelona soon... :-)

Hamish
From: osinski@chtm.eece.unm.edu (Marek Osinski)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: POLACK JOKES
Date: 18 Aug 92 18:46:16 GMT
Organization: University of New Mexico, Albuquerque

In article <1992Aug18.094229.2504@mdcbbs.com> hamling@mdcbbs.com (Griff Hamlin III) writes:
>In article <596mcdm@lynx.unm.edu>, osinski@chtm.eece.unm.edu (Marek Osinski) writes:

>|> If you are tempted to tell ethnic jokes again, a way to avoid offensing
>|> anybody is to put YFEG acronym (Your Favorite Ethnic Group) instead of
>|> identifying that group.
>|> 
>|> Best regards,
>|> 
>|> Marek Osinski
>|> 
>|> 
>Sorry to all those offended, but if you don't mind me saying so (and I'm sure
>you do) aren't you people smart enough to tell that I intended these in
>response to a request and that they are only meant to be read on rec.humor? If
>they went to any other newsgroups, blaim xrn! Chew a valium, I have nothing
>against Polish people, several of my best friends are Polish, and they enjoyed
>the jokes!
>
Yes, Griff, you are quite right expecting that your explanation would
not satisfy me. I know you posted the "jokes" to rec.humor in response
to a request. Still, you and only you can hold yourself responsible for
what you are posting, be it on someone's request or not. 

Are really sure your Polish friends enjoyed your jokes? Or perhaps they
were to polite to let you know what they really felt?

Your advice that I should chew a vallium misses the point. Don't you
realize that posting ethnic jokes violates the ethnic non-discrimination
policies that most U.S. institutions (including probably the one to
which you belong) have adopted?

Sincerely,

Marek Osinski
Organization: Mythos/Xcalbrin Inc.
X-School: Penn State University
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 08:47:22 EDT
From: Mythos / Xcalbrin <JKK103@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Dating Engineers
 <1992Aug11.090155.19849@walter.cray.com>
 <1992Aug11.180433.15653@samba.oit.unc.edu> <1992Aug12.025933.27224@bnr.ca>

Well, here it is (along with the post i saved it in :) )
      Hope that isnt a problem.
******************************************************************
From: chris@csvaxd.csuohio.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: TOP 10 REASONS TO DATE A ENGINEER
Date: 11 Jun 92 18:28:20 GMT
Organization: Cleveland State University

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted by popular demand (by an engineer who currently is not
 dating anyone)
                 ;-)
-------------------------------------------------------------------

        This top ten list is taken from the latest engineering t-shirt
that is being offered here at Ohio University.  The author is probably a
collective group of students.


        Top Ten Reasons To Date An Engineer

1.      Extremely Good Looking

2.      High Starting Salary

3.      Free Body Diagrams

4.      Looks Good On A Resume'

5.      Can Calculate Head Pressure

6.      Help With Your Math Homework

7.      Parents Will Approve

8.      We Know How To Handle Stress
        And Strain In Our Relationships

9.      Find Out What Those Other
        Buttons On Your Calculator Do

10.     The World Does Revolve Around Us...
        We Pick The Coordinate System

--
Selected by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY)
 to funny@clarinet.com.

--------------------------------------------------------

Christopher Westfall
chris@csvaxe.csuohio.edu

no cool sig file yet (maybe now that finals are over)

-----------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************************
========================================================================
'Whoever said that life was fair must have been giving their opinion
 about either the cereal or the magazine.' - Joe Krug

Joe Krug (JKK103@PSUVM.PSU.EDU)
========================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: prem@phd.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
Subject: Re: Confuscious says.......
Reply-To: prem@phd.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
Organization: Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 17:21:47 GMT

In article <1992Aug17.024136.5379@latcs1.lat.oz.au> teh@latcs1.lat.oz.au (RICHIE TEH) writes:
>Howdy folks,
>
>	just wondering has anyone got any Confuscious says..... jokes.

	OK. Here's one..........
	(WARNING: YOU MIGHT BE OFFENDED. Read it if you like. If you
					 get offended, don't read it...)

	****************************************************************
	* Confucius say : "There can never be such a thing as rape.....*
	* 		   because woman with skirts up run faster     *
	* 		   than man with pants down. "                 *
	****************************************************************

	DISCLAIMER:
	Last time I posted this on another newsgroup, I got a few
	flames from a few anal-retentive humorless matrons, who
	apparently were pissed off because they thought I was making
	fun of a serious issue. So, let me clarify my stand......
	I think rape is heinous crime, but this joke is not meant to
	make fun of it. It is just funny to visualize a some dope
	with his pants around his ankles trying to chase the intended 
	victim. If you still don't get the joke....god help you.


	Another couple of these .....

	Confucius say "Man who walk middle of road get run over by bus."
		      "He who let woman on top is f***ing up."
		      "People who make Confucius joke speak bad English."

	Prem!
================================================================================
====									    ====
================================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.politics.clinton,talk.politics.guns
From: hhelanto@vipunen.hut.fi (Henri R Helanto)
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Keywords: joke, very funny, haha, etc. 
Organization: Helsinki University of Technology, Finland
Date: 20 Aug 92 01:49:25 GMT

In <sc0LPB2w164w@opus.mcds.com> speers@opus.mcds.com (Daniel E. Speers) writes:

>   So, does the NRA really believe that people who go squirel
>hunting need to use a rifle that'll fire so many bullets in
>half a second to have removed every bit of meat from the bones
>of the intended prey???

	The question is about having the _right_ to use such a
	weapon for squirrel hunting rather than absolutely
	_needing_ one. A squirrel can be easily taken down
	with a measly single-shot .22 but if you refer to
	semiautomatic weapons with that 'so many bullets in
	half a second', then yes, I'd rather use semiauto
	than a single-shot. Not because I want to be Rambo (tm)
	but because I want to have a second or even third bullet
	ready if I the game doesn't die in first shot.
	No-one can be absolutely sure not to miss and unneccessary
	suffering is the last thing we want, right?
	...I'm not encouraging hunters to use gatling guns but
	to be ready not to leave game suffering unneccessarily.

-Henri Helanto

-- 
Henri Helanto - SysOp
hhelanto@vipunen.hut.fi m40176m@puukko.hut.fi
Call MyBBS (+358-0-485067/485068/485968/485918/488139, 24h) !
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Food Vending Machines
From: Simon.Cole@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Simon Richard Cole)
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 00:02:24 GMT
Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand.


In article <Bsxp27.LuI@watserv1.uwaterloo.ca>, dp35@mc1adm.UWaterloo.ca (Greg Moore) writes:
|> >|> >|> : >|> >>>>> Did Mike get his 50 cents back from the vending company?
|> >|> >|> : >|> >>>>Hey, we don't know that he never got his soda...
|> >|> >|> : >|> >>>I'm sure that either way, he was crushed.
|> >|> >|> : >|> >>But was it orange or grape?
|> >|> >|> : >|> >Don't know, but by the time he got to
|> >|> >|> : >|> >drink it, it had gone flat.
|> >|> >|> : >|> And when he got back to his cubicle, his boss canned him.
|> >|> >|> : >I think it was a Diet drink, he was looking pretty thin.
|> >|> >|> : No. No. No.  He was canned because he was
|> >|> >|> : spreading himself too thin.  And it wasn't
|> >|> >|> : a diet drink, it was a crash diet.
|> >|> >|> Oh, i thought it was an orange crush!
|> >|> >Yea, it was a diet orange crush, but it was flat, real flat.
|> >|> I guess I'm IMPRESSED that this thread has continued for sooooo long.
|> >|>Not as long as the can had been lying in the machine though
|> >Not as long as Mike had been lying under the machine.
|> >Well, OK.  Partially in the machine, too.
|> 
|> (That's better!)
|> 
|>    And then a cop came buy and a guy was crying.  So he Jolted him, and
|> said "Jus Spriten up".  We'll get the RCmp involved.  Then they left and
|> the cop said "OK Pep si you later."  BTW watch out for that Ginger Rail
|> on the way.  I guess you soda saw that comin though.
To which he replied that he was going to take a lift 7 up
-- 
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|								              |
| "ONE MAN CAN CHANGE THE WORLD WITH A BULLET IN THE RIGHT PLACE" - if...     |
|									      |
Organization: City University of New York/ University Computer Center
Date: Thursday, 13 Aug 1992 09:54:17 EDT
From: <MDSQC@CUNYVM.BITNET>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject:    Happy trails to me...




Organization: City University of New York/ University Computer Center
Date: Thursday, 13 Aug 1992 09:48:33 EDT
From: <MDSQC@CUNYVM.BITNET>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.monty-python
Subject:    Happy trails to me...

Hey guys! Listen. I'm leaving for vacation for two weeks. I haven't convinced
the college I'm working at to come with me, so I guess I'll be net-less
(as opposed to wit-less, my usual state). I'm not actually leaving now, but
I will be sometime today, and I don't think I'll get another post off.
So have a great two weeks, and e-mail me for my address if you live in
the New York area, and want an easy target to rob a house. The code for
my alarm is under the door mat, and the key is on the ledge next to the
flower pot.

-- Sal "To each his own, and to all a good night." Desiano

You can find me at your neighborhood grocery store in
  the breakfast foods aisle, or by sending bits, bytes and
    burps to: MDSQC@CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU, or by yodeling words, songs
      and, yes, burps to Work:1(718)260-3349 or School:1(212)339-????
        or Home:1(718)???-????, with a machine on the first two.

            The Saviour of Breakfast, Away! (for vacation)
From: droe@socrates.ucsf.edu (Diana C. Roe%Kuntz)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Life 3.6
Date: 20 Aug 92 08:21:09 GMT
Organization: UCSF Computer Graphics Lab

cate3.osbu_north@XEROX.COM writes:






>A Texan in New York City needed to call a nearby community from a pay phone.
>"Deposit $1.85 please," instructed the operator.  Pulling himself up to full
>height and dropping into his thickest Texas drawl, he objected, "Ma'am, I'm
>from Texas, and in Texas we can place a call to Hell and back for $1.85!"
>"I understand, sir," retorted the operator, "but in Texas, that's a local call."


Actually, hell is located in Michigan.  And yes, the are numerous postcards
showing it freezing over  ;-)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Confessional
From: megan@crfm.gen.nz (Megan Mills)
Date: 13 Aug 92 00:41:38 GMT
Organization: Household UNIX, Auckland, New Zealand
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4

A couple went to mass and took confession.  The husband went into the
confessional and said `Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.'  The father asked
him the nature of this - to which he replied `While my wife was bending over the
freezer I had lustful thoughts and had my way with her.'

The Priest tried explaining that having sex with your own wife was not a sin
and forgiveness was not needed.  Still the man insisted that he felt guilty.
The priest told him to say three Hail Mary's and be on his way.

Next the wife went into the confessional and said that while she was leaning
over the freezer her husband had had his way with her.  The priest asked her
how long she had been married.  She replied it was three years now.  The priest
tried to explain to her that it was quite proper for married people to have sex
and that there was nothing to be guilty about.

Still the woman insisted that she felt guilty so the priest told her to say
three Hail Mary's and think no more about it.

As she turned to leave the woman asked the priest if her and her husband would
be banned from the church.  `Banned from the church?!  Whatever gave you that
idea?' the priest queried.

`Well,' she said, `they banned us from the supermarket.' !! ;-}
-- 
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|  Recipe for Nirvana:      Mantra for today:    "Ohwa tafoo lami!"          |
|  megan@crfm.gen.nz        Mantra for tomorrow: "Ohwa tajer kiam!"          |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: saal@cbnewsl.cb.att.com (samuel.saal)
Subject: Re: Gun control (was Re: democratic platform)
Organization: liver ---> spleen
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 15:46:10 GMT
Keywords: joke, very funny, haha, etc.

In article <BsyG47.FoB@rice.edu> kossack@qvi.com writes:
>In article <1992Aug13.162610.5264@uwm.edu> ski@csd4.csd.uwm.edu
(Andrew John Urbanski) writes:

>- Guns don't kill people, bullets do.  People with gun just do it
>- more efficiently!  :-)

>   Tsk.  Tsk.  Tsk. 

>   The truth is ... GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE - GOD KILLS PEOPLE  

> Jordan M Kossack  |  BARKLEY UNIX:  
> kossack@rice.edu  |                 The operating system with an attitude  

I seem to recall quite a few kossacks killing people, too.

OBJ

Veni Vidi Visa

(I came, I saw, I did a little shopping)
-- 
Sam Saal      kingfish!saal OR saal@kingfish.att.com
		Note new machine name
	Vayiftach HaShem et Peah Ha`Aton
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: crgoc@bard.uk.cray.com (Gary O'Connor)
Subject: Re: yukky joke from NZ
Organization: Cray Research (UK) Ltd
Date: 17 Aug 92 22:06:16 CDT

I quite liked that one . Actually.
-- 

 Gary O'Connor (crgoc@uk  extn:2245)

	Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are
        held to discuss it.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: cariapa@Tied-House.Stanford.EDU (Sandeep Cariapa)
Subject: Re: Engineering jokes needed!
Organization: EECF, Stanford University
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 92 21:45:02 GMT

In article <frank2.23@underdog.ee.wits.ac.za>, frank2@underdog.ee.wits.ac.za (FRANK D N) writes:
|> I'll be away for the weekend, so please e-mail me your copious lists since 
|> our damn mail server thingy has a nasty habit of erasing news group postings 
	    ^^^^^^^^^^^				    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


	You must be an arts major yourself..


|> almost as fast as it gets them.
|> 
|> --
|> David Frank       <frank2@underdog.ee.wits.ac.za>
|> University of the Witwatersrand, Johannesburg

-- 
 Sandeep Cariapa, cariapa@eecf.stanford.edu, (415) 723-1004 (work address)
 System programmer, EECF, Stanford University. 
 Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mblum@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Cerebus)
Subject: Re: Confuscious says.......
Organization: Brandeis University
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 1992 01:07:49 GMT

Confuscius say: Baseball all wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.

-- Matt
Matt "Matt" Blum  		mblum@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu

The city, 1:00am. People in their rooms, asleep, lonely, depressed.
One of them gets the urge to pet a small, furry animal.  That's where
I come in.  My name's Friday.  I carry a badger.

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jalapeno@leland.Stanford.EDU (J. Bradley Materick)
Subject: Limerick (original)
Organization: DSG, Stanford University, CA 94305, USA
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 92 20:19:30 GMT


Here's an original limerick I made up while sitting here vegging at work:

A man met a woman Delores
Whose crotch was covered with sores
When she got laid
His penis decayed
And left him with no use for whores!



-- 
J. Bradley Materick           '''''''''''''''''''''''''''':  '':  '':      ''''
jalapeno@leland.stanford.edu  ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|  ::|  :::::::|  :::
PO Box 14707                  ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||]  ||]  ||]  _____|||
Stanford, CA 94309            ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]O  ]]O  ]]O  ]]]]]]]]
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: kennedy@inter-tel.com (Matt Kennedy)
Subject: Re: Use the word...
Organization: Inter-Tel, Inc. (Chandler, AZ)
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1992 23:22:32 GMT

In <92224.104036MDSQC@CUNYVM.BITNET> <MDSQC@CUNYVM.BITNET> writes:

>Use the word "Horticulture" in a sentence.
>Sure! You can lead a _Horticulture_, but you can't make her learn!

It sounds a little better as:

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her *think*.

=====================
Matthew S. Kennedy
kennedy@inter-tel.com
=====================
From: gfowler@javelin.sim.es.com (Gary Fowler)
Subject: Re: BUMPER STICKER
Organization: Evans & Sutherland Computer Corporation
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 19:49:59 GMT

z_maraiajj@ccsvax.sfasu.edu writes:

>SAVE GAS. FART IN A JAR.

>SEEN IN DELAWARE

Eat beans.  The world needs more gas.

Seen in Utah.
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish
From: wizard@r-node.gts.org (Miroslaw Kuc)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Organization: Public Access UNIX Information System
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1992 04:45:40 GMT

In article <1992Aug19.210307.10418@smartstar.com> syspb@smartstar.com (Paul) writes:
>I know some Engineers that use HP calculators.  They way you enter the
>numbers is different than most other calculators.  They call it
>RPN for Reversed Polish Notation.
>
This is an actual mathematical term.  It has to do with the way you enter your
numbers.  As opposed to saying 1+1 your do +1 1 or was it 1 1 + . I cannot
remember.  It has nothing to do with ethnic (polish in this case) jokes.
I'm not sure but it has to do with improved efficiency of operation or ease 
of specifying order of operations (you don't need brackets, I think). 

Mirek
the mathematical wizard (yeah! right!)