HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: pel@maximo.enet.dec.com (Phillip E lujan)
Subject: Re: "We could still be friends"
Reply-To: pel@maximo.enet.dec.com (Phillip E lujan)
Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 22:36:02 GMT

In article <1992Dec7.034809.18391@syacus.acus.oz.au>, heidi@syacus.acus.oz.au (Heidi Tang) writes:
|> Okay guys, I would like to know what does "we could still be friends" REALLY 
|> mean. I think it is a handy exit line when you don't want to see someone 
|> again, or is there any guys out there who said it and really mean it ?
|> 
|> Several months ago, the guy I was going out with found someone else. He broke 
|> the news and said we could still be friends - to me these words simply 
|> translated to "if I don't ever see you again, that is YOUR problem because I 
|> offered to be friends with you and YOU turned it down". Am I being too 
|> sensitive? I am certainly not prepared to send him a Christmas card!
|> 
|> 
|> Heidi
|> 

I don't blame you for not wanting to send him a Christmas card.  I wouldn't
want to, either.  From my perspective (probably not that of the typical American
male), "We could still be friends" means that I would like to continue to be
friends, even though the romance didn't work out.  But then, as someone else
said earlier, so few people these days are adult about relationships.

By the way, I'm not just saying these things to hear myself talk.  I recently
fell in love with a girl (don't jump me, she's 17, I'm 27, I'm allowed) but she
didn't want to get involved in a relationship because I was "too old for her".
At the time, she also wanted to get involved with a friend of mine (he's 19),
so I wished them both luck, told them to be happy, and managed to keep both
friendships.

So sometimes you can take the words at face value, sometimes you can't.  There
just isn't any hard and fast rule to follow.  If you don't want to be friends
with him anymore, don't.  If you think that there might be something worth
salvaging out of this whole thing, then try to be his friend - not someone he
can come back to if his current relationship falls through.

@}-->-->---  Red 'net-roses' for a blue net.lady?  :-)

-------
Sean Roberts, charter member of the Sensitive New-Age Guys (SNAGS)
"Hey, we have to ask them to dance... We're SNAGS!"  SNAG motto
From: HF.JLN@forsythe.stanford.edu (Janet Newman)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Comments please?
Date: 18 Dec 1992 12:10:33 -0800
Organization: Stanford University
Distribution: usa
NNTP-Posting-Host: morrow.stanford.edu

Get and read the book _His Needs, Her Needs_ by Harley, on ways
to save your relationship from an affair.  It's extremely
practical and honest.
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
Keywords: Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!  Woo-woo-woo-woo!  Hey Moe! Hey Larry!
Date: 15 Dec 92 19:42:41 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <stone.724361679@cwis> stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone) writes:
>
>
>Ladies of A.R. :
>
>I have heard---time and again---that one of the big things a
>woman looks for in a guy is "a sense of humor".  Well, pardon
>me for saying this, but that's a wee bit vague.  Just what do
>women *mean* when they say they like a guy with a sense of humor?
>I have heard variants of this answer, things like "I like a guy
>who can make me laugh."  
>
I am not a lady, but I'll chime in anyhow. "Sense of humor" here
means not taking things (especially 'the relationship') too seriously,
and having a positive outlook. "He makes me laugh" means 'I am 
comfortable with him'. If you want someone to say these things 
about you, don't rush out and buy joke books, learn to be easy
to get along with.

>                          There *must* be a hell of alot more to
>it than this, ladies---as many gals as I've gotten giggling, I
>should be dripping with women.  Now, be honest---grins 'n giggles
>*aren't* the only things you look for in a man, so tell me:
>What else are you looking for?  
>
I'll leave this for the ladies.

Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: esper@cs35b.cs.umn.edu (Dave Sherohman)
Subject: Re: Save Me!
Organization: University of Minnesota
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 02:26:56 GMT

In article <0096505A.E137AF00@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>We all know women who have rescue fantasies (Prince Charming'll come along and
>take me away from all this, etc.), but do men ever have "rescuer" fantasies?
>
>Do men ever want to "sweep a girl off her feet"? 

Count me in for a strong yes on both... 
>
>(Unrelated)  Doesn't anyone believe in love at first sight anymore?  This is
>supposed to be the *romance* group, and I was wondering.  Is there no passion
>left in the world anymore?

No.  Yes.  In that order.  What is the relationship between these two questions?
>
>And about forgiveness...I think if my RP cheated on me, I'd have to get a
>shotgun.  But then, that's not *nice* is it?

Yeah, so?
>
>All this talk about companionship seems kind of dull.  I'll take a rapid
>heartbeat any day!

Companionship is what it's all about.  A hot fling without anything substantial
to back it up will just burn out.
>
>Okay, so I'm bored....

Don't mind me, so am I...
>
>Cheryl

esper@ima.umn.edu
Organization: University of Maine System
Date: Monday, 14 Dec 1992 18:22:57 EST
From: World Leader <IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: what is love? (my $0.02)

What is LOVE?
Something that does not exist in my world, and probably
never has.
                  Jilted Bride.
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Do Women Really Want A Guy That Makes Them Laugh?
Date: 18 Dec 92 17:43:03 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1992Dec16.100942.119668@marshall.wvnet.edu> rcbi110@marshall.wvnet.edu writes:
>> 	5) I suppose that this could go under number 4, but I want to be
>> 	able to see his laughter and smile in his eyes... to me the eyes are
>> 	a window into a person's mind and heart... it you can't look and see 
>> 	more than just an 'eye-ball'... the passion is lost.
>
>I've heard this all my life, and still I'm not sure if I get it.  I've never
>been able to see anything extrodinary in anybody's eyes?  At least, I don't
>think so... Please elaborate.
>
I think she is talking about expression. If you want to know how
someone feels (at the moment), look into their eyes. If you want to
know how someone feels about you (at the moment), make eye contact.
People can be insincere in their words, and they can smile when they
want to frown, but it is nearly impossible to be insincere with your
eyes. When someone feels love for you, their whole face will light up
-- it's hard to miss.

Michael.
From: Sulo.Kallas@win.goodwin.ee (Sulo Kallas)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: The Scariest Words In The World?
Date: 15 Dec 92  04:33:38 EET

petitc@rpi.edu writes:
 >
 >  IMHO, the scariest words in the world are...
 >
 >  When you say something to someone you care about and...
 >
 >  They say NOTHING back---it's like you didn't even say anything.

macl6441@mach1.wlu.ca (macleod heather) writes:
 >
 > AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGH!!  My biggest problem with my SO of four 
 > years!! Almost every time I say something to him, he doesn't say 
 > anything back. When I ask him why, he says he didn't think it 
 > needed an answer!  Is this some sort of a guy thing, or is it just 
 > him?

jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu writes:
 >
 > my RP goes on & on & on about what she did, how she's feeling, etc,
 > and i love it.
 >
 > i've been trying to train myself to be better about this. so what
 > exactly is it y'all want to -hear-?

Although I am a guy, I guess I know what she wishes to hear - lately I
have seen this happening the other way. It's obviously pleasing when
somebody tells you what [s]he thinks, does and especially _feels_ about
you. I think it's more than normal that you love it. Only that she
want's to love it too when you'd say similar things to her - would say
how you feel about her. I think I am not too off the mark saying that
waits similar things fom you that she's saying to you. I am not saying
same things, but the same kind of things.

Sulo
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: maci9154@mach1.wlu.ca (macivor dawna)
Subject: Re: I've just been "LJBF"ed
Organization: Wilfrid Laurier University
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 03:30:51 GMT

In article <1992Dec15.133639.23874@walter.cray.com> kjberte@cray.com writes:
>>
>> 
>>Why does it hurt soooo BAD?!  
>>
>
>Excuse me.  That should be:
>
>Why does it hurt soooo FUCKING BAD?! 
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>Kurt Bertelsen              I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod.
>kjberte@cray.com            I was born in 1518 in the village of 
>DoD# 0538                     Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel.
>86 Miniceptor               And...I am IMMORTAL.   - Highlander
>

So is there an answer?  I'd like to know too!


Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu (Sharon O'Neil)
Subject: Re: How do you win someone back.
Organization: University of Nebraska at Omaha
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 00:09:35 GMT

erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp) writes:

>World Leader (IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU) wrote:

>: If any of you have succeeded at this, let me know how you
>: did it!!!  I've tried expensive gifts and everything.  I am
>: at the end of my rope.  I was going to be married to my man in
>: April...I love him dearly.

>You don't.  Only if they want to come back, will they come back.  You can't
>manipulate someone into doing what you want.  I know - I've tried for many
>years to manipulate people to get them to do what *I* wanted, until I saw the
>folly of my ways and gave up.  Now I just let the universe slide by, and
>whatever comes, comes.

Andie, it is hard to imagine now, but you will get over him.  Ed is right:
you can't *make* someone love you.  And you can't always stop someone from
falling out of love.  It hurts, but it is life.  But believe me, it will
get better.  Much better.

But believe me, I really do understand where you are coming from.  I went
out with someone for four years and we broke up just last October.  I still
feel a great deal of pain over that breakup.  But I know that the pain will
subside.  I have been in a serious relationship before and I remember how
I felt then -- I felt much the same way I feel now.  But that pain went 
away.

That doesn't mean the love will go away.  Right now you have the love with
the pain.  But eventually, the pain will fade.

>May I ask you something?  You say you love him - does that mean that you love
>him enough to allow him to make decisions about his own life, even if that
>means you won't be the one who's sharing that life?

Sometimes the greatest act of love is letting someone go so that person can
be happy.

Sharon
oneil@cwis.unomaha.edu
From: j_hammon@csd.uwe.ac.uk (J Hammond-turner)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Where...?
Summary: AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
Date: 13 Dec 92 03:09:52 GMT
Organization: The Polyversity of Woe...

OK - so I know it's probably cory - but going out and actually talking to
people in bars/pubs/clubs doesn't necessarily work... <sighs, having just
suffered a teaser> But at least it's summat 2 do on a Sat nite!!! <grins> I
find clubs are much better - In my case the diving club is EXCELLENT! for the
obvious reasons...

Questions, comments, protests... I've got my asbestos underwear on...

Joel





-- 
.------------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Joel Hammond-Turner           MicroSword Software, 17 Stonehouse Close |
| j_hammon@uk.ac.uwe.csd        Combe Down, Bath. BA2 5DP (0225) 835400  |
`------------------------------------------------------------------------'
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: fsquared@eff.org (Fawn Fitter)
Subject: Re: Signs
Originator: fsquared@eff.org
Organization: The Electronic Frontier Foundation
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 14:54:54 GMT

robinsonm@clvax1.cl.msu.edu (Admiral Robinson) writes:

>This has probably been chewed up in this newsgroup a bit before, 
>but as I was out recruiting Andorians for the blood circuit, I 
>missed it.  My kwestshun is:

>   Is there any kind of a signal, that cannot be mistaken for 
>friendship, that lets one know that it just might be OK if you 
>took the plunge with someone.  My readership of signs is way 
>heinous simply because I am now quite uncertain what is meant to 
>be just touchy feely friendly and what is meant to be "if you 
>don't get over here soon....."


Well, I'd say that if the person in question rips off his/her/your clothes,
flings him/herself at your feet, and starts whimpering like a wounded pup
while muttering, "Please baby please baby baby baby please," you might 
want to consider your options.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: collins@blkbox (Chad R. Collins)
Subject: Re: Romantic Relationships and Friendships
Organization: The Black Box, PO Box 591822 Houston, TX 77259-1822 
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 01:46:41 GMT

kchin@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Ken H Chin) writes:

>I have always believed that ideally two people should become 
>friends first, and let romantic interests develop only after 
>the friendship is on solid ground.  Unfortunately, my practice has 
>not followed theory, and the end results have not been pretty.

>Would it sound too much like an engineer to put forward
>the following question to those who are currently involved romantic
>relationships.

>When you met your SO: 
>1. Were you seeking only friendship and were surprised by the 
>   subsequent development of romantic interests?
>2. Were you seeking friendship knowing that there was the possibility
>   of mutual interest in a romantic relationship?
>3. Did you pursue a romantic relationship soon after meeting each other,
>   with the friendship developing later on?

>How common are the different cases, and what are there advantages and
>disadvantages?  I am trying to figure out if I am doing anything wrong,
>and if so, what I can do to change that.  

>I know that many people believe that things romantic should 
>happen "naturally" and automatically, but I am convinced that healthy
>relationships require work, clear thinking analysis, and real
>communication, in addition to "romance".

>BTW, the discussions in this news group have been great!  

>Ken

	I agree completely with the idea that romance should develope out
of friendship, however, I have found that it usually doesnt work out. I
find that while I may look at friendship as a possible lead into romance,
most of the time my partner usually thinks that I am just not interested and
looks elsewhere for romance. *Sigh* It usually means that I end up with 
alot of good friendships, but ones that cannot develope past that point.
Anyone figured out a good way around this problem?

Chad R. Collins
collins@blkbox.com

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: brownea@cc.uvcc.edu
Subject: My impression of truth (Re: Truth)
Organization: Utah Valley Community College
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 21:39:24 GMT

	I've missed an awful lot of the Truth thread, but I do have opinions on
it, so here goes:
	The words may not match yours, but I hope you'll understand the
meanings.
	To me, there are TRUTHS and IMPRESSIONS.  A truth is something that IS. 
Like the universe.  A truth is something that one can describe, but not
something that one can 'hold' - that's an impression.
	I hope that I'm making enough sense that you can interpret what I'm
saying, but I'll try a different track...
	All we have to understand anything are our senses.  These give us
impressions, or interpretations of what we experience.  Therefore, our
impressions are interpretations of how we experience truth.
	And again...
	A truth is a hard, unchanging fact, an impression is just how that fact
is seen.  
	I hope this gives an idea of my impression of an opinion...

Homosexuality:
	I don't see how it's just Either/Or heredity/environment.  I have no
doubt that some people have 'chosen' to become homosexual as a way of dealing
with some kind of tragedy in their past, but I also beleive that homosexuality
could be a genetic thing.  Hell (I read it somewhere) we've got fish genes and
goat genes in us, (the rest is mine, not read) is it that big of a stretch that
the genes that drive reproduction could be skipping sexes? 
	That's the way I see it.

	Earl
|===   You have no choice in the matter, so you may as well give in   ===|
|===   and just be yourself.                                          ===|
From: marcia@netcom.com (Marcia)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Save Me!
Date: 15 Dec 92 01:10:48 GMT
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II

In article <0096505A.E137AF00@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>(Unrelated)  Doesn't anyone believe in love at first sight anymore?  This is
>supposed to be the *romance* group, and I was wondering.  Is there no passion
>left in the world anymore?

Romance and passion are not the exclusive province of infatuation, which is
what "love at first sight" is. For at first sight, all you know about a person
is what s/he looks like - you don't know the rest of the person. And how can
you love what you do not know?

Lust and infatuation can develop almost instantly, and they can be a lot of 
fun. But the kind of passion that burns for years generally takes some time,
and is fueled by being passionate about the whole person....and having that 
person passionate about you.

>All this talk about companionship seems kind of dull.  I'll take a rapid
>heartbeat any day!

I love the feel of a rapid heartbeat, being weak when I see him, getting all
fluttery inside. I love the excitement of new prospects, of the first time,
of wondering if he returns the sentiments.

I hate the fact that it's so exhausting that it can't last forever.

But I love even more that in the best relationships, it comes back when you
least expect it, and you fall in love all over again.
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                  ADDRESSES: marcia@netcom.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."                                     mlb@cisco.com
Xref: sparky alt.romance:15127 soc.singles:33593 alt.romance.chat:21779
From: pel@maximo.enet.dec.com (Phillip E lujan)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,alt.romance.chat
Subject: Re: Alt.romance- the >nice< people
Date: 11 Dec 92 17:26:45 GMT
Reply-To: pel@maximo.enet.dec.com (Phillip E lujan)
Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation

In article <1992Dec11.143338.28464@csd.uwe.ac.uk>, pa_ross@csd.uwe.ac.uk (Mr Rossy) writes:
|> >   > pa_ross@csd.uwe.ac.uk (Mr Rossy) writes:
|> >   > 
|> >   >    When God made the Earth he made several amazing things, sunsets, 
|> >   >    waterfalls, sandy beaches etc etc etc. But when he really wanted 
|> >   >    to show off he made women.
|> 
|> >And who says that a man cannot be equally beautiful?  The way the
|> >original post was phrased implies a belief that women are more
|> >beautiful
|> 
|> I posted the original and I personally find women more beatiful then men.
|> Hence my bias ......
|> 
|> 
|>                                                 Paul

OK, here we go again, it seems...

Everyone, I know that we all (almost all) enjoy a good argument now and then,
but personally, I think this thread has been beaten to death over the last few
days (weeks?  I don't know, I'm a newbie).  Everyone has their own opinion on
the subject, and will *always* have their own opinion.  Since facts are not
arguable objects (i.e., my eyes are bluish-grey), we have to argue about
opinions -- BUT NOBODY CAN BE WRONG about an opinion (IMHO).  Since what we
choose to believe is part of what makes up our 'self', we tend to see differing
points of view as attacks on our 'selves'.  One of the big secrets of the
Universe:

	THAT AIN'T THE WAY IT IS!

*Everyone* is entitled to their opinion, no matter how 'wrong' you feel that
opinion may be.  In my personal opinion, women (in general) *are* more
beautiful than men (again, in general).  That doesn't mean that I don't find
some men attractive, it just means that *I* prefer women.

Before anybody jumps on my personal sexual choice, yes, I am hetero, with
tendencies towards bisexuality.  As of yet, however, my only sexual experience
with a male took place some 12 years ago, with my stepfather.  Of course,
I'm not exactly average when it comes to women, either:  I didn't sleep with
a female until nearly 4 years after my same-sex encounters, and have only had
sex with 3 different women altogether.  So maybe my perspective is skewed.

------
Sean Roberts, rambling on and on and on...
"How should I know?  I'm making this up as I go along..."  Indiana Jones
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: mr55371@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (KittyKat)
Subject: Re: Do Men Enjoy Hurting Women?
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 01:16:17 GMT
Keywords: Why?

stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone) writes:

>I'd like to hear what *you* folks out there think---both the ladies
>AND the gentlemen---as to what motivates a man to actively engage
>in such hurtful behavior towards a woman. 

Well, Travis, this isn't exactly a new phenomenon.  However, this
is also not something that is limited to a male behavior.  Both 
sexes cheat.  No matter how much the popular media wants you to 
believe otherwise, women cheat just as much as men.  Why?  God
only knows and he's not telling.  Just had to say my point for
men.

>The gal I mentioned above
>asked me what I thought, and the rather lame line of reasoning out-
>lined above was all that I could offer.  I hope to be able to take
>your responses and show them to her---she's very perplexed by her SO's
>willful waywardness, and can't understand it.

I have one question here.  Why is this guy still her SO if he's doing
this and she knows about it and doesn't like it?  Seems to me she's
only hurting herself by staying in a relationship which, apparently,
isn't healthy for her.

Yes, the romantics out there are gonna say he can change...leopards
don't change their spots too darn easy.  This guy doesn't even sound
like he wants to change.

Sometimes the reason people get hurt is because they let themselves
get hurt.  Yeah, the first time was his fault, after that, if she
sticks with him, it's her fault that she's getting hurt by her
SO cheating because she should immediately change him to an IO
(Insignificant Other).  In other words, I don't know what to say 
to someone who is just hurting herself.

KittyKat



Newsgroups: alt.romance