HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: barbaraj@csc.ti.com (Heart Dancer)
Subject: Re: Woody Allen
Reply-To: barbaraj@csc.ti.com
Organization: Computer Science Lab, Texas Instruments
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 14:06:30 GMT

In article <92241.015036FGBCC@CUNYVM.BITNET>, FGBCC@CUNYVM.BITNET writes:
>> Sorry, but by his own admission he committed incest.  He stepped over the
>> boundary.  Plain and simple!  

I have mixed feelings about this.  One of the dynamics present in incest is
the power play --- the victim has no choice in the matter.  Soon-Yi claims she
does not look to Allen as a parental figure, and she has reached the
age of consent.  She has never lived in the same household as Allen
(Allen and Farrow maintained separate apartments) and she has
maintained a close relationship with her father, Previn.

I must say that I don't think the relationship is entirely
appropriate, and that I have lost a great deal of respect of Allen.
(But then, having seen "Manhattan", why does the current situation
surprise me?) 

BJ
 
"If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution."
                                        Emma Goldman

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: mcmorris@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (brandywine)
Subject: now what?
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1992 23:24:42 GMT


Well, I am now over the worst of the fall out of the xSO who said the
wrong thing. And, I had an incredible experience on Friday night that
I thought I would share.

My brother's birthday is today. (he is the one who abused me for so
long.. the one I remember abuseing me... there is more that I am now
remembering)

On friday, i was *requested* to attend a family dinner in his honor as
that he was in town for that purpose.
It was a rather wierd dinner and I left early because I had to go
somewhere for the evening with friends. I was late because of the
dinner. (They didn't tell me about it until too late to cancel my
plans, so I just was going to go late)

On the way back to campus, I started tothink about what all happened
to my brother. not just the things he did to me, but what my parents
and others did to him to make a 7 year old sexually abuse a 6 year
old. And finally, after all these years, I started to forgive him.
REally forgive him. I forgave him, tho I still don't excuse it. And I
will still work and watch to make sure he doesn't do it to anyone
else. But the *feeling* of forgiveness and understanding was there.

Now, I don't think that forgiveness comes into a lot of the sexual
abuse cases. Maybe it should. I always felt it was my fault, because I
was suppose to be so muich stronger than everyone else. (mentally,
emotionally, physically... I have been told that all my life.) But in
this case,  I can see his fault and forgive him... let him live with
his own pain.

I had always accepted that something had to have happened to him to
make him do it, but now, I can *feel* the forgiveness... thats the
best I can explain it.

Anyway, I wanted to share that.... thank you for being here.

-brandywine


-- 
 

"And there's not enough room in this world for my pain
 Signals cross, and love gets lost and time past makes it plain
From: blackbourner@bvc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: not as frustrated
Date: 15 Sep 92 21:41:29 CDT
Organization: Buena Vista College, Storm Lake, IA


Just  want you to know I'm feeling  better today. Maitnence ordered a part 
for my cart. I feel less self-hatred today.

Erin Sue 
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: sfjr@wam.umd.edu (Steve Russell)
Subject: Re: ***SPOILER YELLING AND SCREAMING***
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 18:53:44 GMT

In article <Bu2pJM.vz@twwells.com> anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear) writes:
>
>I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT ME IN THE THIRD PERSON.
>IT TRIGGERS SO MUCH SHIT FOR ME.
>
>i know you don't mean to hurt me, part of me knows it but combined with
>the shit of a day and a nine-page letter from home i have NO TOLERANCE
>and i just needed to RANT AND RAVE AND SPEW NASTINESS
>

First, I apologize for any time I've talked about you in the third person,
and I'm sorry that you've been hurt by these discussions.  A lot of
times, a post brings up issues for a lot of people, and the responses
get into a debate about some issues rather than support for the person posting.
I don't think these discussions are bad, but the fact that the subject line
stays the same and the original poster's life can be referred to for the 
purposes of discussion can lead to problems.  It's not something we've really
addressed here and I'm glad you brought it up.

I don't really know how to change it.  I think what should happen is that
people should bring the discussion to their own lives rather than using
other people's in this way.

poohbear, I really don't think that anyone meant to hurt you.  But you were
hurt and you deserve apologies, understanding, and/or the assurance that
people here are willing to put some effort into not triggering you in
this way again.  I also think that you are probably pretty well insured
against being referred to in the third person by the people who read yoru
post.  I'm really glad that you spoke up.

>oh i am so sorry asar i'll go
>

But you'll be back soon I hope :)

Sherri

p.s. I really didn't see your post as nasty, I think it was very clear.
From: holzman@fnalno.fnal.gov (Daniel B. Holzman)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Chapter 3...  *Spoiler warning*
Date: 11 Sep 92 20:46:05 GMT
Organization: Fermi National Accelerator Lab
X-Posted-From: fnalno.fnal.gov
X-Posted-Through: sol.ctr.columbia.edu

In article <krikket.7763@meltdown.chi.il.us>, krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 
'krikket' Krick) writes:
> 
> Damn...  Dan, would you mind performing a Pagan funeral?  I definately don't
> want my body to go through a Xitan ceremony, and I don't know who else to ask.
> I don't think I could even ask you, except that you already read ASAR, and 
> will stumble across this message anyways...

If I must, I will, but quite frankly, I'd rather not have to.
-- 
Daniel B. Holzman                    | Eight Words the Witch's Rede Fufill:
HOLZMAN@FNAL.BITNET                  | An It Harm None, Do What You Will
HOLZMAN@FNALC.FNAL.GOV.INTERNET      |
                                     | All Acts of Love and Pleasure are
Love doesn't subtract,               | Her Rituals
   it multiplies    - Heinlein       |
                                     | Speak the Word.
Disclaimer:  Fermilab's far too large to have an opinion, let alone mine.
From: tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: advice/revenge/help?
Date: 11 Sep 92 16:34:02 GMT


ok, here;s the background....

awhile back I dated someone, we dated about 1 1/2 years (this was RIGHT after I
got out of the hospital) and was pretty raw- to make a long story short, this
person knows I have MPD (heck, knew almost as much as my doctor)...
and knew everyone....

this person (heck, why the pretext, it was a he) he moved to another state...
well, it seems that he has told LOTSA folks about his ex (me) and my name
(which is kinda distinctive (have a real distinctive first name)) AND
that I have MPD....

well, you would NOT believe all the folks that seems to know this (off the
echo and usenett).....recently had someone who knew him, who was intown, get
reaaaal crazy on me (he was suicidal and a real jerk) well, now this friend
doesn't want to see me (no loss) because I told everyone what happened- silly
me, I care AND want other folks to keep an eye/ear out for this guy-suicidal
is not a good behaviour thing....)
anyway- this guy went home (to yet another state) and someone up THERE told
him I have MPD.....(someone who knows my ex)...well, he came to town and freaked
to several friends (remember he doesn't want to know me) about how
'no one TOLD him I have MPD!' ummm, none of his business-correct?

also- this is not the FIRST time this has happened....I go to a bar that
my ex used to go to (he was 'popular' (read- easy)) and folks say we look
like brothers (we do/did), but anywaaaaaaaay I have had at least 2 folks, upon
finding out my name, say "oh- you dated S-------? hmmmm,oh- your the one with
MPD...."                ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!
and STILL my name gets passed around (it happened on a trip last week (the
guy figured it out as his best friend has MPD))

I am about ready to start counter spreading that this jerk has herpes or some-
thing...(why waste the time??)

ideas? advice? this is really getting annoying AND its starting to feel
like the cult (abuse) whereas 'they' know and 'they' are out there...
sheesh....
thanks for reading/listening-
Ted and some others
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: sandro@asylum.UUCP (Sandro Wallach)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Need advice
Date: 7 Sep 92 19:40:35 GMT

zitsky+@CS.CMU.EDU (Mark Ryan Miller) writes:
>Hello all.  I'm here at CMU now and just discovered these newgroups
>after working all weekend on a class project.  What a reward!

Yeah.  Wow.   :-)

>I'm a gay male and was not (sexually) abused as a child, but was
>verbally and emotionally abused.  However, there was one incident
>about 6 years ago in which I think I was sexually molested.  Is there
>an appropriate forum/place to talk about these things.  I've only
>told one person about it and that was recently.  I feel that I need
>to talk about, but don't know with whom.

This is a fine place to talk about.  I don't think anyone's going to
jump on you and say "that wasn't really sexual abuse!" or anything
like that.  (And if they do, several of us will do our best to defend
you.)

If posting seems too open and you feel a need to talk here, you might
start with some email to someone you see posting here who seems like
they would understand.  (You might want to send them email asking if
they'd mind talking to you before you go and send them a big story.
I'd be happy to talk with you in e-mail, for instance.)

People here will mostly try to play the caretaker roll they wish
someone had played for them, I think.  Sometimes they wont really be
able to do it, so you may not want to rely on them too much.  If the
concept doesnt upset you too much, and you can afford it, I highly
recommend talking to a therapist who speciallizes in an area that
seems relevant to you.   Even if it doesnt seem like that big a deal.

Good luck.   Talking can help a lot.

	-- sandro   (sandro@ELF.com)
From: Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: CHAPTER 3... (oops!!!!)
Date: 13 Sep 92 21:54:52 GMT
Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand.

In article <BuJAGu.9s@comp.vuw.ac.nz> Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower) writes:
>In article <793XqB1w164w@penn.Gwinnett.COM> tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney) writes:
>[...]
>>being a sorta usenett tech 0, HOW do I inform the local postmaster?
>>(send me e-mail on how)
>>and I will be more that HAPPY to do so-
>
>This ought to be general knowledge anyway, even if only to locate
>someone, whom you think is at that host.
>
>post.master@penn.Gwinnett.COM
     ^
     |
     |
There should *not* be a fullstop here!

>
>Would get to *your* local post master, essentially it is the relevant
>full host name after the "@".


Gavin
-- 
Tomorrow's Society                              | flower_g@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
    Depends on                                   ----------------------------
Today's Children  - help us raise them properly! 
*******  These comments have no known correlation with dept. policy!  *******
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: mcmorris@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (brandywine)
Subject: Re: *HELP* i'm losing my mind
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 09:18:48 GMT


Dear Jasmyne,
	I know what you are feeling. I have felt it before. I could
not believe, for the longest time, that I was lovable in anyway. I
couldn't acceot that anyone actually ENJOYED my company. WANTED me
arround... for anything but to hurt and have sex with.
	GOD IT SUCKS. IF you can take E-hugs, they are yours.
	But, you ARE a worhtwhile person and worth being friends with.
I read your posts... I can tell... you care about people. You are
learning to care about your self. Now, you have to learn how to let
other people care for  you.
	I think one of the hardest parts is that so much of my life
was based on, "Whate Brandywine can do for me? How can I use her?" and
not carring that they were hurting me.
	I don't know if this makes sense... but it was hard for me to
accept that ANYONE would ever WANT to be my friend.  It sucks. I have
been there, and I know how hard it is to get thru. But, faith had a
lot to do with it for me. And my work, which saved me.
	I hope the reply makes sense and helps a little. If there is
anything you need, mail me.
	*EHUGS IF YOU CAN TAKE THEM*

-brandywine

ps I posted this because I felt it might help others who hadn't said
they had been there. also, Ican't figureout how to email jasmyne.


 

"And there's not enough room in this world for my pain
 Signals cross, and love gets lost and time past makes it plain
 For all my deamon spirits I need you the most
 I'm in love with your ghost"

-_Ghost
The Indigo Girls
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
Subject: thanks
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 09:14:09 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Thank you so much those who emailed me. it came with very good timing, i
appreciate it.
It was even worth the anxiety of the delayed posts.  :)

i hope i'l be able to work out my anxietys here..i'm glad ya'll are around.

**hugs** to those who want them

Jasmyne



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From: anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Inner Child
Date: 9 Sep 92 10:42:47 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


Can someone explain the basic principles of this inner child stuff? I've
heard the name floating around for awhile but i really don't understand
it. My email is turned on if you wanna send some explanations/info.

Thanks n advance.

By the way my presentations went well....my teacher liked my negative
space drawings   and my drafting wasn't too atrocious (sp?)
I forget who asked about this, so i figured i'd let you all know.  :)

*hugs if you want them*

JASMYNE



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer)
Subject: Re: First post; plea for advice/support
Organization: S.P. Dyer Computer Consulting, Cambridge MA
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 17:52:00 GMT

In article <BuMnH9.LGF@unx.sas.com> sasnla@shadow.unx.sas.com (Nancy Agnew) writes:
>A book you might find helpful at this stage of the game is called
>_Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy_ by David Burns.  It describes
>cognitive therapy and provides effective tools for dealing with some
>of what you are talking about.  If one isn't too severely depressed,
>one can take positive steps to turning the depression around.  The
>book can provide a lot of insight that can be helpful (the first time
>I read it, I was so depressed that I couldn't think of it as helpful,
>I just saw it as all these things that I wasn't "good enough" to do...
>that has changed and I can see how lots of people could find the
>techniques helpful, now).  The book is in the self-help section of
>bookstores and libraries, and looks like another of the same-old,same-
>old things.  However, there is actually a body of scientific research
>to back up the techniques described.  However, it is in laymen's terms
>and pretty well written.  It is also quite useful for people who aren't
>clinically depressed but may be in a stressful period that is affecting
>their outlook on life.

This is a _really good book_, and isn't just another self-help book.
Cognitive therapy is one of the few psychotherapies which has been
shown to be effective, and Burns is one of the original practitioners.
Also, Martin Seligman's "Learned Optimism" is another good one.

-- 
Steve Dyer
dyer@ursa-major.spdcc.com aka {ima,harvard,rayssd,linus,m2c}!spdcc!dyer
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: jdiamond@netcom.com (Joan M. Diamond)
Subject: I want to help, if I can
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 92 18:53:30 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest) 
Distribution: na
Keywords: Please contact me, Poohbear.

Poohbear:
Another person and I want to help you, if we can.
This other person wants to make an account available
entirely for your use.  No one would be able to
trace you, but you could post and get email without
having to be afraid.  She has already made it accessable
for you.

the reason I am writing this is that she wants to remain
anonymous AND she wants you to be able to remain anonymous
to her.

You can write me, and if you can't figure out any other
way of doing it anonymously, then edit your From: line.
I promise, in this forum, not to do anything to track
down your real name.  I will pass on the information
to you by hitting the r key.  Then I will step
out of the loop, unless you want me to stick around.

I wouldn't go along with the idea unless I felt this person
(a woman, if it matters) is safe for you.  It is up to you,
but it is there if you want it.

The person may try writing directly to you with this offer,
she doesn't know if you want to deal with her.  We also
don't know if you can be reached directly by email.

I hope we can help you and support you during this
really difficult time.

Joan
From: cryst@belay (Crystal Bell)
Subject: Attention Jasmyne!!!!
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 1992 19:31:03 GMT

Just a quick note to see if you are around. 
For all of you who have no idea who Jasmyne is that is not important this
message is intended for her anyway. (if you're not Jasmyne)
continue on to next article. I don't mean to be rude.

What's the scoop? Why aren't you returning my E-Mail.  Sorry  for sort-of
exposing you but I wanted to get ahold of you. This was the only way I could
think of.  Can you send me your E-mail address? I may not have the right one. 
                                        **Crystal**

Cryst%belay@uunet.uu.net

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu (Lydia Uribe)
Subject: Farewell, all....
Organization: Claremont Shelter for Maladjusted Singers
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 18:29:10 GMT

I guess that I'm a good bit more fragile than I thought that I was.
Staying here is suddenly costing me more than I can afford, so I am
leaving.

I should have known better than to get involved in what has become the
latest flame war, and I apologize for my part in getting/keeping it
going.

I can still be reached by email by anyone who has questions, comments
or suggestions regarding the medications summary section of the FAQ.

I wish you all well.

                                        Lydia

"You're more than beginning -- you're learning to fly;
 You feel like you're falling, but it passes in time."
                        "From Me to You", Janis Ian
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Soprano (Lydia M. Uribe)                       uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu |
| Claremont, CA                                          uribe@hmcvax.bitnet |
|            Cats, quilts and diving - what more could anyone ask?           |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1159@twwells.com (Kristian)
Subject: Hints for SOs
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1992 00:12:14 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

    What a  wise, beautiful, positive and supportive post!  Thank
    you "JASO".   I, for one, think your words are very worthy of
    publication in the FAQ.
    
    One may be sad at some of the experiences you and your SO may
    have gone through to arrive  at  such wisdom, but it gives me
    incredible hope when I see what  you have derived from it and
    I thank you for such generosity in sharing it with us all.
    
    "Kristian"



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From: root@khijol.UUCP
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: post
Date: 11 Sep 92 07:21:09 GMT

X-ANON-Version: 0.4



In Article 5457 of alt.sexual.abuse.recovery (Jasmyne) says:

[ some other stuff deleted ]

> Speaking of, a friend of mine told me he wants me to call him if i ever
> am real bad. i know people say this all the time. How often do they mean
> it? I never call, even though i've promised on occasion.....i never want
> to bother them (common theme?).

Well, that depends.  I know some people say that with some degree of sincerity.
Like if you were to call them in the afternoon, that would be O.K., but at
3am on a weeknight....
Then others like me really mean it.  Now at 3 am I may not be the most
brilliant, but I can listen real well.  So you really may have
to ask them if they *really* mean *ANY*time ...

I would also say be careful depending on this without a prior arrangement
(like if something that may be traumatic is scheduled and you know that
you may well need a friend) you could ask them if they would be available.
If you don't then you risk that they might not be in when you needed them.

> ****************
> 
> *hugs* if you want them
> 
> JASMYNE
> 
hugs if you want them
Taylor		khijol!twm@saturn.upl.com

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