HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: jeffj@ultra.com (Jeff Johnson)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Date: 14 Apr 92 20:28:43 GMT
Reply-To: jeffj@ultra.com (Jeff Johnson)
Organization: Ultra Network Technologies

In article <1992Apr14.143821.2721@dvorak.amd.com> monson@diablo.amd.com (Steve Monson) writes:
=>The tampon-string marketing poster writes seriously about tampons:
=>>|>                                  Personally, I get annoyed at
=>>|>unnecessary "media-bashing"; not all the time, just periodically.
=>                                                       ^^^^^^^^^^^^
=>Hey, good one! I get it.

The tampon-string marketing guy didn't even mention that the strings are
a convient dental floss after you eat :^)
-- 
    Jeff Johnson    | Ultra Network Technologies | voice: (408) 922-0100 x284
  jeffj@ultra.com   |     101 Daggett Drive      |   fax: (408) 433-9287
...ames!ultra!jeffj |    San Jose, CA  95134     |   sex: (900) 976-4825
 The difference between ignorance and apathy?  I don't know and I don't care
From: kpm4@jaguar.uofs.edu
Newsgroups: misc.misc
Subject: leaving Boston for the summer?
Date: 7 Apr 92 19:37:41 GMT
Organization: University of Scranton

I think there may be a seperate group for requests like this, but I
couldn't find it, so please help if you can:

I'm on desperate need of a *relatively inexpensive* studio apartment to
sublet in BOSTON for the summer months, particularly in the Back Bay,
Beacon Hill, or Brookline areas.

So if you have a place to let for the summer, or if you know someone who
does, could you please E-MAIL me directly.

I'd really appreciate any info you can give me.  Thanks in advance!

Kevin Myers

kpm4@jaguar.uofs.edu
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2400 rec.humor:16070
From: dheld@umaxc.weeg.uiowa.edu (Douglas F. Held)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Date: 9 Apr 92 16:08:02 GMT
Followup-To: misc.misc
Organization: U of Iowa, Iowa City, IA

>In article <1992Apr8.041535.25261@decwrl.dec.com> shedevil@vix.com (Anne P. Mitchell) writes:
>>...
>>Ever seen the ads for Massengill Natural Vinegar & Water Douche?...
>>...
>>Need I say more?

Remember "Fresh as a Country Lane After a Spring Shower"???   I always 
wondered what would entice people about *mud* ...?

--
,-~'`^`'~*-,._.,-*~'`^`'~*-,._.,-*~'`^`'~*-,._.,_*~'`^`'~*-,._.,-*~'`^`'~*-,._
Doug Held    (you can call me  *du*  for short)      dheld@umaxc.weeg.uiowa.edu
  "Plus de femmes, n'est-ce pas? Vivons sans elles!"  -- Gustave Flaubert
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
From: jtravers@pomona.claremont.edu
Subject: Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL(comment) OF THE WEEK
Organization: Pomona College
Date: 9 Apr 92 02:05:54 PDT

In article <1887@ra.nrl.navy.mil>, ghost@ra.nrl.navy.mil (G. Host) writes:
> 
>> Article <tzxtb0k@rpi.edu> From: sigma@sun.ipl.rpi.edu (Kevin Martin)
> 
>> The recipient of the Golden Raspberry is once again AT&T, for this classic
>> little gem which started playing recently.

> 
> The point of the commercial is valid -
> The company is trying to market their discount through 
> like Amway and other MLM's.
> IMHO the "friends and family" campaign
> is one of the lowest advertising done by any of
> the phone companies.
> -- 
> Glenn Host - Senior Systems Analyst (ghost@ra.nrl.navy.mil)

ONE OF THE LOWEST?!? You have got to be out of your mind! 
      The Friends and Family campaign was one of the best thought up and
worthwhile ad campaigns ever!  MCI got over 1 million customers in a matter of
months!  You really have to be kidding me!  First of all, MCI asks its own
customers for the numbers of their F&F... If those numbers are provided and
those people have MCI already, then savings occurs on MCI rates which are
already lower than AT&T's... If they don't have MCI, then someone calls them
(from MCI) and tells them the deal, that they can join MCI and get the savings
too... To call it low in any way is just stupidity!


Anyway...
	A guy goes into a bar and calls his friends around him...
"C'mere," he says.  "I got something to show you guys."  He then proceeds to
take a toy piano out from his backpack.  
	"Oh boy," they say.  "A toy piano...(sarcasm)"  
	"Well watch this!"  He then takes out a little tiny man who sits down
and begins to play the piano.
	"Holy Shit!" They exclaim.  "Where'd you get that?!?"

	"Well, I was walking through the forest and saw this leprachaun(Sp?),
so I grabbed it, and it said that I could have anything that I wished for!"
	"So you asked for a little guy who can play the piano?!" his friends
wonder.
	"No... I guess the leprachaun was a little hard of hearing... he
thought I asked for a ten-inch pianist!"


peace y'all

jtf
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2399 rec.humor:16056
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Subject: A funny commercial
From: Kris.Heidenstrom@bbs.actrix.gen.nz
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1992 11:00:00 GMT
Organization: Actrix Information Exchange

In article <ku6e2vINNbbv@male.EBay.Sun.COM> jheris@work2.EBay.Sun.COM (Jheri Birchett) writes:
> 
> Have you ever wondered why in a toothpaste commercial they show
> a person brushing their teeth, and in a shampoo commercial they
> show someone washing their hair....... But in a tampon commercial
> they show a woman playing tennis?????????????
> 
> 
>        said by a comedian that I cannot remember....

Sounds like Jasper Carrott (sp?) a British 'comedian'.  He did a show (or a
series of shows) called Jasper Carrott's Commercial Breakdown, with clever or
unusual commercials from all over the world.  There was one really good one...

Fade up, a man on a small island in the middle of the sea.  There is a palm
tree at each end of the island, about 10 feet apart.  He is asleep, leaning
against one of the palm trees.

He wakes with a start, to see a chest (box) which has washed up on an adjacent
island.  He runs to the end of his island, and is about to swim across to the
nearby island, when a shark fin comes into view between the islands.

He has an idea.  He chops the palm tree, using a stone (I think), and the palm
tree falls over and makes a bridge to the other island.  He tiptoes across the
palm tree and gets to the other island.  He opens the chest, and pulls out...



A HAMMOCK!

I nearly wet myself when I saw it...  hope you enjoyed it.  The commercial
was from Norway.

Kris
--
"Y'know, people often say to me, 'Alexei, why are you drunk all the time?'
And I say, ''Cause I can afford to be.'" - Alexei Sayle
-- 
Kris.Heidenstrom@bbs.actrix.gen.nz  Box 27-103, Wellington, New Zealand
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2438 rec.humor:16395
From: mcsweinberg@memstvx1.memst.edu
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Date: 14 Apr 92 14:10:04 GMT
Organization: Memphis State University




In article <1992Apr14.025848.11850@schbbs.mot.com>, root@-?.Berkeley.EDU (0000-Admin(0000)) writes:
> 
> 	Aw, come on guys I think we all were smart enough
to realise that it wasn't a soiled tampon.

Later,
Rai
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It's not easy being green." Jim Henson (kermit)
|>As marketing assistant for a company that makes those little strings
> |>used by tampon manufacturers, I can respond to this question with some
> |>degree of authority. The white shorts and strenuous exercise typical
> |>of tennis represent the perfect illustration for marketing tampons, and
> |>demonstrating that any given tampon product will provide the necessary
> |>comfort and security to its user. Unlike toothpaste and shampoo,
> |>tampons do not represent a "grooming" product as such, and thus there
> |>is no need to graphically portray their installation, wearing, or
> |>removal. Furthermore, many people misunderstand the copy in the tampon
> |>commercial that states, "It's not your mother's tampon". The ad agency
> |>did not mean to imply that the daughter is not wearing her mother's soiled
> |>tampon, but rather, that the brand she IS wearing (or should wear) is
> |>a significant improvement over the general quality of tampon worn by
> |>the previous generation of women. Personally, I get annoyed at
> |>unnecessary "media-bashing"; not all the time, just periodically.
> |> 
>                                      
> We knew all that! But you have to admit that if you're going to advertise
> these types of products you had better be prepared for the humor that goes
> along with it. Not that this is the forum for this, but I don't see why I
> must be subjected to ads (TV at least) for these products. I don't use them,
> I don't want to know how absorbent they are. I don't want to know how
> confident I'll feel. And I am sick to death of your euphamisms such as the
> blue liquid and the terms, "wetness", "accident", etc. We all know these
> products exist. The people that use them are aware of them and know where
> to buy them. Since you are a marketing assistant in this area, perhaps it
> is time you did some market surveys to determine the impact 
Newsgroups: misc.misc
From: wcaw@juliet.caltech.edu (Wilisch, Wolf C. A.)
Subject: setting clock on car stereo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.40    
Organization: California Institute of Technology
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1992 18:46:00 GMT

Hi all!

I have a rather embarassing question.  I bought a used car last year and
now I can't for the life of me figure out how to change the car stereo clock
(it's a Blaupunkt Aspen, I think) to PDT.  There are no apparent clock-related
buttons and I've tried pressing all kinds of combinations of buttons, but to no
avail.  Does anyone have any suggestions ?

Thanks

Chris W
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2416 talk.politics.misc:17819 soc.culture.canada:3320
From: nadeau@bnr.ca (Rheal Nadeau)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,talk.politics.misc,soc.culture.canada
Subject: Re: When do we stop being outsiders? (WAS Re: The Journal on ...)
Date: 11 Apr 92 03:53:53 GMT
Organization: Bell-Northern Research Ltd., Ottawa, Canada

In article <1992Apr10.143517.10298@csi.uottawa.ca> cbbrowne@csi.uottawa.ca (Christopher Browne) writes:
>
>There is an international formula that can be applied to such a case.
>I'm not TOO familiar with the way it would distribute debts, but there
>is certainly going to be some allocation, possibly similar to the
>following:
>
> [ ... ]
>
>In order to equalize things, the new State of Quebec would have to
>take on the $30 billion debt of the former Province of Quebec, as well
>as $112 billion of the debt of the former State of Canada (with
>Quebec).
>
> [ ... ]
>
>Another reason:  Is population the relevant criteria?  If we are
>assuming that democracy is one of the most fundamental values, then it
>probably IS the most important criteria.  But then, land area might
>really be more relevant.  Or the proportion of federal government
>office buildings.  Or something else.

From what I have read (and thus, this is subject to the proverbial
grain of salt), in the event of separation, Quebec would have no
LEGAL obligation to assume any share of the debt.

However, since Quebec would want to maintain a good credit rating
internationally, it would be bound to assume its fair share (or be
viewed as skipping out of its obligations).  But who would determine
fair share?  The money markets - in the US, Europe, and Japan.

(Those who support separation, or some watered-down version of
separation, on the grounds that this would put Quebeckers in greater
control of their destiny, should ponder this...)

The Rhealist (Rheal Nadeau)                 |  Bell-Northern Research
Internet:  nadeau@bnr.ca                    |  Ottawa, Ontario, Canada 
BNR neither endorses nor censors my views   |  (613) 763-4266
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2468 rec.humor:16580
From: mmcguire@Bonnie.ICS.UCI.EDU
Subject: help me answer a friends question
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Date: 16 Apr 92 20:00:03 GMT

Hey all,

One of my less intelligent friends picked up my book on operating systems and
started thumbing through it.  When he came to a part of the book that talked
about a number of processes "being scheduled for execution by the processor,"
he said the following:

     Nasty!  I wonder how they kill people with this processor thingy!

I sat there puzzled.  Then he added:

     And what is this doing in your computer book?!?

I realized what he was refering to when he pointed out the section in the book
to me.  Off the top of my head I said:

     Oh!  They just use the computer to "schedule" the executions.

His reply was:

     Makes sense, but what does the processor look like?

I told him that I wasn't sure, but that I would ask in discussion.  Can anybody
help me come up with a good description of this "processor" that is used in
executions.


Mike
Late again -- gotta go








Xref: sparky misc.misc:2418 talk.politics.misc:17862 soc.culture.canada:3326
From: lenny@bmerh174.BNR.CA (Len DePalma)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,talk.politics.misc,soc.culture.canada
Subject: Re: When do we stop being outsiders? (WAS Re: The Journal on ...)
Date: 11 Apr 92 17:57:26 GMT
Reply-To: lenny@bnr.ca
Organization: BNR Ottawa, Fiber Systems Development


In article <1992Apr10.011017.17271@watserv1.waterloo.edu>,
schamber@watserv1.waterloo.edu (CHAMBERLAND S - BIOLOGY) writes:
|> But it does not change our feelings. We feel we ARE a nation.
|> Take an honnest look at our 2 societies in Canada. 2 solitudes, many
|> have said. 2 nations, I would say.

I don't dispute the fact that you are a "nation".

But how hypocritical of you to not include the aboriginal people 
or natives, or (etc, etc) in the above definition... in which case
there are many more "nations" within Canada than just the two
you speak of.

Why is it that you cannot see in others that which you request for
yourself?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
INTERNET: lenny@bnr.ca       Any opinions expressed above are mine.
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2417 alt.atheism:8262
From: ksand@apple.com (Kent Sandvik)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,alt.atheism
Subject: Re: need help with wedding plans
Date: 10 Apr 92 23:26:56 GMT
Organization: MacDTS Mongols

> In article <702053577.674.0@elara.esl.acs.cmu.edu> kz08+@andrew.cmu.edu (Ken
Zuroski) writes:
> 
> >We'd like
> >a ceremony that has some tradition and meaning to it, and so far it
> >seems that the justice of peace route isn't going to provide us with
> >it.

Well, that's what me and my wife also though when we got married. Even
if we are both agnostics or something -ists (hate labels) we thought
that a nice ceremony in the local church where my wife was born would 
be cute.

The priest preached something non-understandable which resembled something
from the Freemason teachings (he was a member of Freemasons), and the
organ player totally screwed up with the music. Add to this all kinds
of confusion and the end result was a bad act.

I guess if we would get married next time we would arrange it ourselves
instead of relying on the talents of the church :-).

Cheers!
Kent
Newsgroups: misc.misc
From: johna@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (John Allison)
Subject: jkl
Organization: University of Colorado, Boulder
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 1992 01:54:30 GMT


Xref: sparky misc.misc:2371 alt.atheism:7944
From: de@moscom.UUCP (David Esan)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,alt.atheism
Subject: Re: need help with wedding plans
Date: 6 Apr 92 13:03:34 GMT
Reply-To: de@moscom.UUCP (David Esan)
Organization: Moscom Corp., Pittsford, NY

I think that you are making things more complicated than need be.  

You want a wedding ceremony, but you don't want a minister.

Why not separate the two issues.  Get married quietly, privately by a judge or
a JP.  Now you are officially married in the eyes of the state.  Then go to
your own "homemade" wedding ceremony.  Now you are married in your own eyes.

If you feel the need for a minister-like person to "conduct" the ceremony,
you can get a close friend or relative to stand in.

The idea of requiring someone to tell you that you are married (By the power
invested in me by the state of ...) admits that someone has this power, and 
that power to sanctify your marriage flows from God to the ruler to the 
minister to you.  If you don't believe in that flow, why go with it?

-- 
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -->     David Esan      de@moscom.com  
 
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: misc.misc
From: jpd@kepler.unh.edu (James P Doherty)
Subject: MCI
Organization: University of New Hampshire  -  Durham, NH
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 16:41:36 GMT


>> IMHO the "friends and family" campaign
>> is one of the lowest advertising done by any of
>> the phone companies.

>Oh, it's low all right, but what many people don't realize is that it's one way
>to force more people to sign up.  I've heard that the friends/family discounts
>aren't available unless the party you're calling ALSO happens to be on the
>program.  So it's a great way to get more customers, with added pressure from
>your own acquaintances to make you help them save more money!
>
>-- Rao Akella    <rao@moose.cccs.umn.edu, RAO%MOOSE@UMNACVX.BITNET>


That is correct.  You give MCI the numbers of your family and friends, and
MCI calls them and tries to get them to switch by saying how much they can
save.  You get no discount at all if your friends or family have AT+T.

Pretty sleazy.

I dropped MCI because they would not remove a family member's name from my
list.  They continued to try to sell her MCI despite my asking twice to have
the name removed.
-- 
Jim Doherty
jpd@kepler.unh.edu
From: pww@bnr.ca (Peter Whittaker)
Newsgroups: bnr.general,misc.misc
Subject: Re: Need Chiropractor Info
Date: 13 Apr 92 19:02:36 GMT
Organization: Bell-Northern Research Ltd., Ottawa

In article <1992Apr13.184557.11351@bwdls61.bnr.ca> marylou@bwdlh490.BNR.CA (MaryLou Rowe) writes:
>Can anybody recommend a good chiropractor in the Ottawa area?
>Thanks in advance!

There are a bunch of us in 4P (AlexB, Bernie, JeffS, me) who make use
of the services of Robin Mallory at the Carling Chiropractic Clinic.
The clinic is located at the SW edge of the Lincoln Fields Shopping
Center block o' land - right in front of the Wendy's.

The phone number might be 828 1494 - that's from the card of another
chiro at that clinic.  If you check for Mallory's name in the White
Pages, you'll see a listing for the Montreal Road clinic at which he
also practices.

pww
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2441 talk.politics.misc:18182 soc.culture.canada:3398
From: michaelc@oz.plymouth.edu (Mike Clark)
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Reply-To: michaelc@oz.plymouth.edu (Mike Clark)
Organization: Plymouth State College - Plymouth, N.H.
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 92 19:17:27 GMT

In article <1992Apr14.215409.10280@phx.mcd.mot.com> gjl@phx.mcd.mot.com (George Lloyd) writes:
>In article <1992Apr14.125730.6639@oz.plymouth.edu> michaelc@oz.plymouth.edu (Mike Clark) writes:
>>that this is good advertising.  I HAVE NEVER heard anyone say "Gosh
>>that Cathy Rigby sure does skate good during her heavy flow"
>
>Wasn't Cathy Rigby a gymnast?

Ok, I'm sorry, let me re-phrase the last part "Gosh that Cathy Rigby
sure can use that balance beam good even during her heavy flow"

Now, is that better?

Xref: sparky misc.misc:2452 rec.humor:16461
From: gjl@phx.mcd.mot.com (George Lloyd)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products (Was Re: DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK)
Date: 14 Apr 92 21:54:09 GMT
Organization: Motorola Computer Group, Tempe, Az.

In article <1992Apr14.125730.6639@oz.plymouth.edu> michaelc@oz.plymouth.edu (Mike Clark) writes:
>that this is good advertising.  I HAVE NEVER heard anyone say "Gosh
>that Cathy Rigby sure does skate good during her heavy flow"

Wasn't Cathy Rigby a gymnast?
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2475 rec.humor:16634
From: monson@diablo.amd.com (Steve Monson)
Newsgroups: misc.misc,rec.humor
Subject: Re: Dumb Feminine Products
Date: 17 Apr 92 15:16:39 GMT
Organization: Advanced Micro Devices, Inc., Austin, TX

In article <1992Apr16.191727.27789@oz.plymouth.edu> michaelc@oz.plymouth.edu (Mike Clark) writes:
>
>Ok, I'm sorry, let me re-phrase the last part "Gosh that Cathy Rigby
>sure can use that balance beam good even during her heavy flow"
>
>Now, is that better?

Hey, wasn't Kathy Rigby on the women's volleyball team?
-- monson@diablo.amd.com
	The tide gone out for good
	Thirty-one words for seaweed		"The Death of Irish"
	Whiten on the foreshore.		by Arden Carl Mathew
From: ee23042f@vttcf.cc.vt.edu (Zaphod Beeblebrox)
Newsgroups: misc.misc
Subject: Lyrics for Big bad John?
Date: 10 Apr 92 06:31:24 GMT


  Does anyone know the lyrics to "Big Bad John", or even who sings it?
  I can't remember and need the lyrics.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% ;-) %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Brian Wentz     
Virginia Tech                          wentz@csugrad.cs.vt.edu          
703-232-2300                 
Xref: sparky misc.misc:2412 misc.jobs.misc:3431
From: fraserf@bnr.ca (Fraser Fulford)
Newsgroups: acadia.cs.chat,misc.misc,misc.jobs.misc,comp.jobs
Subject: Re: CS Job Market: What Is The Story?
Date: 10 Apr 92 16:04:43 GMT
Reply-To: fraserf@bnr.ca
Organization: Bell-Northern Research Ltd, Ottawa

In article <1992Apr9.012727.4670@newshub.ariel.yorku.ca>, cs911409@ariel.yorku.ca (RICHARD DAVID ASPINALL) writes:

|> 	I would like to think that I am getting something of value at U.
|> and that I will have sellable skills in the near future,  but I look in
|> the paper and most ads are asking for COBAL, dBase and sometimes Clipper!
|> The few ads I've seen for C and C++ generally ask for significant experience
|> 	I guess I don't know what to think.
|> 

You have to realize that the majority of job openings are never
advertised, they are obtained through contacts, friends, and
perserverance.  Don't look at the paper and extrapolate that all the
jobs available are the same.

The jobs that are advertised are IMHO generally ones that are hard to
fill or no-one wants them.  In some cases the employer is asking too much
(20 years experience in D, C++ and Hyperspace control systems ;-) that
no-one could ever qualify for.

These opinions are mine and not necessarily those of my employer.
-- 

...fraser

"We're going to need another Timmy" 
- Mr. Lizard
Newsgroups: misc.misc,talk.politics.misc,soc.culture.canada
From: schamber@watserv1.waterloo.edu (CHAMBERLAND S - BIOLOGY)
Subject: Re: When do we stop being outsiders? (WAS Re: The Journal on ...)
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1992 01:29:37 GMT

In article <1992Apr11.175726.9288@bmerh2.bnr.ca> lenny@bnr.ca writes:
>
>In article <1992Apr10.011017.17271@watserv1.waterloo.edu>,
>schamber@watserv1.waterloo.edu (CHAMBERLAND S - BIOLOGY) writes:
>|> But it does not change our feelings. We feel we ARE a nation.
>|> Take an honnest look at our 2 societies in Canada. 2 solitudes, many
>|> have said. 2 nations, I would say.
>
>I don't dispute the fact that you are a "nation".
>
>But how hypocritical of you to not include the aboriginal people 
>or natives, or (etc, etc) in the above definition... in which case
>there are many more "nations" within Canada than just the two
>you speak of.

You missed the second message I wrote to correct myself.
And I apologized to the First Nations for forgetting them...

Also, you should read the message I wrote about definitions of "nation"...
Very interesting. By the english definition, Quebeckers are part
of the Canadian nation formed of many NATIONALITIES...

>Why is it that you cannot see in others that which you request for
>yourself?

Some are very quick to throw rocks...
Did you look at your own sins first??   ;-)

Sylvain Chamberland
schamber@watserv1.waterloo.edu