HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: s206001@emu.insted.unimelb.edu.au
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: H*ll of a situation!
Date: 16 Nov 92 09:38:19 GMT

In article <7593@tekig7.PEN.TEK.COM>, doughe@tekig6.PEN.TEK.COM (Douglas E Helbling) writes:
> In article <1992Nov12.163019.1802@ccsvax.sfasu.edu> z_arthurjk@ccsvax.sfasu.edu writes:
>>I haven't met a nice young woman to have a rewarding relationship
>>with in over two years.  Love just isn't on my side.  I'm sort of shy
>>around women but I don't think that's the main problem.  People
>>This is one h*ll of a situation to be in!
>>What, if anything, can I do to get out of this predicament?
>>This is not a joke! I'm serious.
>>
>>Jay
> 
> 	Jay, you have my sympathies, to a point.  If you're half as
> 	nice as you say, and what you want really is a nice women
> 	(not be be confused with Innocent and Pure), then chew on this:
> 
> 	1) Many "nice" women do not necessarily want a nice man.  They
> 	   want an exciting man.  "Nice" can equate to "safe", or worse
> 	   yet, Boring.
> 
> 	2) Many nice people have been burned or worse by others appearing
> 	   to be Nice.  
> 
> 	3) Many of these apparently Nice People were actually Nice Married
> 	   People in disguise.
> 
> 
>         This, in my humble opinion, explains the skepticism and lukewarm
> 	reception many Nice People get when in situations where they meet
> 	other available Nice People.  The fact that you're bothered by
> 	the situation suggests that you have yet to surrender your integrity
> 	to the point of appearing other that who you are.  Perhaps you,
> 	like a few of us out here, still believe in the notion of a "Ms.
> 	Right for Me", someone who is not perfect, but at least compatible.
> 
> 	Okay, so you asked for advice.  Here's mine (FWIW):
> 
> 	1) Continue to be yourself.  But try to make a sublte point of some
> 	   aspects of you or your life that differentiate the nice you
> 	   from the tame and boring you.  You don't have to wear a
> 	   lamp shade or personally save whales or jump out of planes.
> 
> 	2) Go places that that nice women go and be yourself there.
> 
> 	3) Keep going there.  Persistance and consistency are the
> 	   magic words here.  
> 
> 	Good luck.  The right person is worth the wait.  Just make sure
> 	to enjoy the almost right, but still enjoyable people along the way.
> 
> 
> 							Doug H
Yep FWIW I believe that Doug is right Jay there are very *nice* women out there
that you've yet to meet without having to become a bastard and hurting someone
else along the way.  Perservere we all go through it and maybe it helps to know
that men and women alike experience this 'phenomenon'.  
Cheers Irene.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ae498@yfn.ysu.edu (Dawn Bott)
Subject: Re: "Made" or "Just Happens"?
Organization: Youngstown State University/Youngstown Free-Net
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 22:57:19 GMT


I think it is a bit of both.......

the combination of all the right pieces..just happen
(you being at just the right place at the right time to meet or
discover that "someone")......


but how the placement of those pieces is entirely in your
own (and their)  hands..........



-- 
..Who else but us could find our joy walking home
                 through the puddles;
  With a milkshake in your pocket
                       .....and a box on my head.      dsb '87
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: just wondering...
Keywords: friends,love
Date: 17 Nov 92 18:16:09 GMT
Organization: BNR Europe Ltd, London Road, Harlow, England.
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.199.202.41

In article <41112@sdcc12.ucsd.edu> ph2sct@sdcc14.ucsd.edu (Dzu Nguyen) writes:
>      what is it that makes someone become interested in one of
>their friends? is it lonliness? is it seeing them from a different
>perspective that they did not see them in before? and how can this
>interest turn into love? does the spark subside or does it continue
>to grow? 

It's obvious: 

	familiarity * lots = warm-fuzzies; 
	warm-fuzzies + magic = fall in love.

Doesn't even need a call to the appearance parameter! :-)

Ah, you've spotted the bit where it goes "and then something clever
happens here" -- the 'magic' bit. Well, that bit's still a bit mysterious,
but I'm sure there is plenty of circumstantial evidence such as extra-
lonely feelings, seeing victim in new light, etc.

Note that the above algorithm appears to be the most favoured on a.r, as
far as I can see. Thus it appears entirely "normal" (if a.r is a "normal"
sample! :-)).

All I know is that I keep doing it the wrong way round -- I fall in love
first, then become friends. This is bad news as to date I'm not in love
with anyone and (thus?) have few friends! :-\

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: itzenhui@cs.uwp.edu (Steve Itzenhuiser)
Subject: Re: Plea
Organization: University of Wisconsin - Parkside
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1992 04:55:16 GMT

   (bob, I tried to write to your e-mail address, but couldn't get through,
          so I hope you get to read this.)

51351[efw]-Robert Feddeler(MT4799)T343 (rjf@dptg.att.com) wrote:
: In article <1992Nov18.010332.12466@cs.uwp.edu> itzenhui@cs.uwp.edu (Steve Itzenhuiser) writes:
: >
: Hey Steve... you're on your way!
: 
: In my opinion, the most useful definition of "knowledge" is "an awareness
: of how much you don't know".  You can always "go find out", but first you
: need to understand that there _is_ a question.  At age 24, you might be a
: couple or three years behind schedule on this one, but it sounds like
: you've just taken your first step toward being a "knowledgeable" person.
: 
I heard a comedian once say that at 16 he though he knew it all, then
turned 18 and laughed at the fool he was at 16.  When he turned 21 he
scoffed at the 18 year old he was and thought he knew it all then.  He
continued like this through 21 and 25 until he said, "does this happen all
your life?  When I turn 90 am I going to say, 'if I knew at 87 what I know
now, I'd have done it all different.'"  Make a lot of sense, eh?  I know
that I'll look foolish to my-future-self in several years, but I also know
that life is mat as difficult as humans--especially Americans--tend to
make it.

: You could read this group for the next 50 years and still not _know_ what
: the answers are.

Agreed
  
: The only advice I have for you is to 1) relax and
: enjoy being 24, 2) realize that this woman is _not_ going to make or break
: your whole life, and 3) save a copy of this and read it 16 years from now.

Will do

: By then, you will be much more comfortable with the fact that you really
: don't _know_ anything and that it really doesn't matter.  The best you can
: do is make it up as you go along.  Every time _I_ think I know something,
: they change the rules and, most of the time, they don't even call to tell me!
: 
: BTW, I don't mean this to sound cynical or condescending.  Your post
: looks just like something I might have written years ago.  A very good
: friend of mine (about 17 years my senior) tried to tell me to "role up
: _my_ pants and slide on the ice" when I was about 21.  I couldn't do it.
: I know how hard it is to put things in perspective now, but I can guarantee
: that, years from now, this _will_ bring a "knowing" smile to your face.
: 
: What a long, strange trip it will be.  Good luck!
: 
: 
: bob.				| An extremely "knowledgeable" person
: Were these more than just my opinions, they would have cost a bit more.

Thanx, bob

Peace

Steve
Xref: sparky alt.romance:14186 soc.singles:31027
From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Date: 17 Nov 92 22:19:58 GMT
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

In article <1ebe2bINNpmj@bHARs12c.bnr.co.uk> dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
>In article <1e6khkINN9s1@FUNCTOR.SYSTEMSZ.CS.YALE.EDU> loosemore-sandra@cs.yale.edu (Sandra Loosemore) writes:
|>
|>I don't have any problems with dating people who work for the same
|>company but in a different project or division.  But I would be
|>hesitant about initiating a romance with someone I had to work with on
|>a regular basis, *especially* if I were that person's boss or vice
|>versa.
|
|Agreed 100%. Tried and, errr failed, even. (Well, it *would* have worked
|out if she'd been the Right Woman. ;-))
 
...

|Well Sandra the cynic, meet Stewart the more cynical ;-)
|And just how old is this, I pray? (Just curious.)
 
1.2

-- 
+==========================================================================+
| John Fereira        | Auspex Systems | "Ask me about my vow of silence." |
| johnf@auspex.com    | Santa Clara CA |                                   |
+==========================================================================+
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: wish me luck
Date: 20 Nov 1992 13:07:07 GMT
Organization: BNR Europe Ltd, London Road, Harlow, England.
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.199.202.41

In article <LABTB4FX@cc.swarthmore.edu> chorwit1@cc.swarthmore.edu (Cathy Horwitz) writes:
>
> [Idea: anonymous dorm dinner invite]

Possibly not worth me responding due to potential cultural differences,
but I wouldn't go.

I'd feel *very* flattered to receive the invite, although I'd suspect a
practical joker as more likely. If you could somehow bring yourself to
make it not anonymous (or include enough info so he could guess, if
interested enough), I'd go if it wasn't anonymous *AND* I liked your
appearance.

(I know, I know -- but I'm such a Bad Person, I consider appearance is
important. Tut tut. Naughty naughty of me, I know. Bad boy Stewart.)

Hope you manage to suceed one way or another,

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
Xref: sparky alt.romance:14212 soc.singles:31069
From: schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov (gary l. schroeder)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Date: 17 Nov 92 15:58:06 GMT
Organization: Brookhaven National Laboratory, Upton, NY 11973

In article <BxtMtu.DAL@rice.edu> mmzn@rice.edu (Mark Mazina) writes:
>
>In article <1992Nov15.151337.13175@bnlux1.bnl.gov>, schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov (gary l. schroeder) writes:
>|> In article <amymw.721677596@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu> amymw@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Amy Wisotsky) writes:
>|> 
>|> >A new boy/girlfriend can be found when the person is ready to find
>|> >one.  It depends entirely on the person in question.  
>|>
>|> Well, I'm glad to hear that relationships are so easy to stumble upon at
>|> Brandeis, Amy.  There's a lot of people out there that are "ready to
>|> find one", but are still alone.  Consider the possibility that you don't
>|> live in a college atmosphere anymore where you're surrounded by nothing
>|> but people of your own age group that you're constantly interacting
>|> with.  That's the great thing about college, isn't it?  It's just a big
>|> pool of people that you can go out with on the weekend.  Well, after
>|> that artificial world ends, your friends might find it difficult to
>|> meet someone new within the week.
>
>This presumes Amy is a 20-something student, but what if she's a 36 year old (exactly) staff member at a University... 
>
>Part of communicating is learning to restrain our own pre-conceptions.

Then accept my humble apologies.



-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gary L. Schroeder  		|  
schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov         |        It's a pomaceous life. 
Brookhaven National Laboratory  | 
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: sethb@fid.morgan.com (Seth Breidbart)
Subject: Re: net.hugs?
Organization: my opinions only
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 1992 00:44:50 GMT

In article <h4y1#k=@rpi.edu> petitc@rpi.edu writes:
>In article <j#mqpg#@lynx.unm.edu>, blowfish@carina.unm.edu (rON.) writes:

>|> Actually we in soc.singles are quite safe.
>|> We just simply expect people to stand up for themselves instead of being
>|> propped up by everybody else in the group.
>
>
>    Ok, mister, you asked for it...
>
>
>   Can YOU do EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO by yourself?  Hmmmm?

No.

>   Can YOU make your very own cars FROM SCRATCH?

No. What's your point?

>   Can YOU make all the things you take for granted?
>   And are you saying that, if you get sick you don't go to doctors?
>
>   I THINK NOT!   EVERYONE needs to work to help support each other---if you
>people over in soc.singles generally feel that independance is _the_ ideal, then
>you're saying that the way to live is "Screw everyone else---get what you want
>out of life regardless of how it affects others."

There's a major difference between relationships between equals (the
soc.singles approach), and whining for help from everybody else (which
I'll refrain from characterizing).  The fact that I can stand up for
myself doesn't mean that I never want help or friendship, it means
that I'm offering help and friendship in return.

>   Sorry if I seem a bit pissed, but I really despise people who live under the
>delusion that people NEVER need help from other people.

I've never met anybody like that (by definition, almost).

> *HUGS*, a @>---'--,----, and a :&) to whoever needs them.

Some of us are much less promiscuous about our social relationships.

Seth		sethb@fid.morgan.com
Xref: sparky alt.romance:14089 soc.singles:30812
From: mjln_ltd@uhura.cc.rochester.edu (Mikeey Jean Lin)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Date: 16 Nov 92 14:45:02 GMT
Organization: University of Rochester - Rochester, New York

In <31506@hydra.Helsinki.FI> taina@cs.Helsinki.FI (Juha Taina) writes:

>In <JULIE.92Nov14210234@cucbs.chem.columbia.edu> julie@cucbs.chem.columbia.edu (Julie Wright) writes:
>>amymw@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Amy Wisotsky) writes:
>>>A new boy/girlfriend can be found when the person is ready to find
>>>one.

>>Wow!  It's that simple, huh?  :)

>No, it's not.  I wish it were. :) The general opinion is about that
>the secret is to meet as many new people as possible and eventually
>someone special arrives.  This sounds good, but it's not a working
>solution for people who tend to spend time alone or are somewhat shy
>to talk to strangers.  Oh well, perhaps they aren't ready to find a
>new boy/girlfriend then.

>-- 
>Juha Taina  taina@cs.helsinki.fi  Phone: +358-0-708-4247

Hullo Juha,

	Hmmm... I think it's both. You have to be ready to get a new boyfriend
or girlfriend AND at the same time be out there meeting people. Some people 
are too anxious, thus making themselves seem desperate and repelling members
of the opposite sex. Once you learn to gain some confidence in yourself you'll
MAGICALLY begin to be noticed by others. People enjoy being around others who
have that special aura, (IMHO)

						    Mikeey
					mjln_ltd@uhura.cc.rochester.edu

PS I'm so glad to be out of the singles life. It was so BORING having to go
   out with beautiful woman every weekend to exotic places. Now I stay home 
   and do nothing with my SO. Hmmm... JUST KIDDING! (NOT!) 8-)
	(If this doesn't get her jealous, I don't know what will)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: aahz@netcom.com (Mean Green Dancing Machine)
Subject: Re: net.hugs?
Organization: Don't blame me, I voted for Bill 'n' Opus
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 19:22:23 GMT

In article <lgnjnfINNldj@news.bbn.com> dhardin@spcink.bbn.com (Dawn Hardin) writes:
>In article <MARTINC.92Nov18222436@hatteras.cs.unc.edu> martinc@hatteras.cs.unc.edu (Charles R. Martin) writes:
>>
>>I would like to know more about these zerbit's though.
>
>A zerbit is when one takes a baby, pulls its undershirt up to bare its
>chubby little stomach, puts one lips onto bare stomach, and says "BLLLBPTH!"
>The baby then squeals with joy, and rips a handful or two of hair out to
>show its appreciation.
>
>I suppose you could do it to older people to, but they probably won't squeal
>and as far as I'm concerned that's the whole point.

Heh.  I guess you're just not doing it correctly.
-- 
                         --- Aahz (the *other* Dan Bernstein)
                             @netcom.com 

Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6

Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford)
Subject: Re: Wedding Vows (was Re: H*ll of a situation!)
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 21:09:28 GMT

In article <w8r1z+q@rpi.edu>, petitc@nuge113.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes: 
|>   Do any of the charming ladies out there have any idea WHY it is that people
|> seem to hit on people the most that are already taken?
|> 

I have no idea.  I'm not in the habit of "hitting on" men
who are obviously already taken.  I assume that by "hitting
on," you mean making romantic overatures toward someone.  
Why waste my time?  

-- 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
|    /)                      | Lana Mountford    
|   / /  __    ___    __     |   
|__(_/__(__)\__/  )__(__)\__ |  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: diana@wetware.com (CatWoman )
Subject: Re: Getting Married: Grounds for Insanity Plea?
Keywords: Off Your Rocker
Organization: Castle WetWare MouseCatcher
Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1992 14:42:08 GMT

stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone) writes:

] Can anyone give me (a minimum) of three good, logical reasons
] why people should marry?  

This is, of course, my opinion only...

The one CURRENT "good" reason for getting married is to have
that piece of paper that says that you are entitled to speak
for someone else if something should happen to them.  In case
of accident or illness, you are entitled to have first say in
the type of treatment, and the disposition of the assets of
the person.  Until we have in place legal "partnership agreements"
that will give those legal rights to someone who is NOT a
"spouse", then that is one very good reason.

Second - tax breaks.  Quite often married people can file
in a lower tax bracket.

Third - Benefits.  A spouse can inherit financial assets with
less hassle and less taxing than a non-spousal beneficiary.

Fourth - If you are planning on having children together, 
there is still some social status for the children when the
parents are married.  And again - if legal, medical or other
decisions are needed for the children, married parents get an
equal say, whereas unmarried ones CAN have hassles.  Not that
married parents do not, mind you.

Note that all of these are LEGAL reasons.  For myself, I would
prefer a private arrangement of trust, with a legal agreement
for the legal procedings.  I see absolutely NO reason, IMMHO,
why I cannot have one person act for me as my bed-partner,
lover, etc., and another person act as my legal executor and
whatnot.  I have separate people now for insurance, legal,
and financial advice - I rather think the same should be 
true of my PERSON...

Diana
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: thurlow@convex.com (Robert Thurlow)
Subject: Re: net.hugs?
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 20:46:18 GMT
Organization: Engineering, CONVEX Computer Corp., Richardson, Tx., USA
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

In <h4y1#k=@rpi.edu> petitc@nuge111.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit) writes:

>   EVERYONE needs to work to help support each other---if you people
>over in soc.singles generally feel that independance is _the_ ideal, then
>you're saying that the way to live is "Screw everyone else---get what you want
>out of life regardless of how it affects others."

No.  Speaking for myself, I'm saying that when worse comes to worst,
I know I'm responsible for my own pain, grief and happiness.  I can
ask for help from others to get through my toughest times, but there
are times when nobody can be there for you.  (And boy howdy, I know
THAT to be true from personal experience.)  To make it through those
times, you'd better develop some ways of coping that _don't_ place
demands on other people.

>   Sorry if I seem a bit pissed, but I really despise people who live under
>the delusion that people NEVER need help from other people.

rON has no such delusion, as far as I can tell.

Rob T
--
Rob Thurlow, thurlow@convex.com
"I get so tickled debunking bad personal philosophy." - Milquetoast
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: dionc@ireq.hydro.qc.ca (Claude Dion ETUDIANT sept-dec 92)
Subject: Hello! 
Organization: Institut de recherche d'Hydro-Quebec, Quebec, Canada
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 22:35:11 GMT

I just wanted to post a little message to say hello to
everyone.  I've been following your group for a little
while and I find it wonderful!  I'm glad to see that
there still are people who beleive in love and will
give it freely.  Please don't stop.

Hugs and kisses for everyone

Claude