From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Picking up the Tab (was: Re: What is gold-digging?)
Date: 17 Dec 92 19:11:22 GMT
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

In article <8061@news.duke.edu> diamond@acpub.duke.edu (Elizabeth Abrams) writes:
>In article <15932@auspex-gw.auspex.com> johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:
|>
|>The man then asked the woman for $30 but said "I'll get the tip."
|
|I think a number of us feel that the man shouldn't have asked the woman for
|$30 because she should at least have *offered* to pay part of the bill
|spontaneously.  When someone asks me out, it often means that that person
|expects to pick up the tab, but I always offer in case my assumptions are
|mistaken.  I ate half the food, why not pay half the bill?  (If I
|only had an appetizer and two french fries, I might feel otherwise. :-))

Of course, if you're trying to put on some weight for a bit of rib-crushing
you'd probably eat more that half so I'd demand more. :-) 

Sorry, Li er Elizabeth, I had to throw that in there.  Like Desiree,
I just can't resist a straight line.  (what was that mantra again?)

|>Have you been following the Pre-Sex contract thread?  The date is supposed
|>to be a romantic (possibly) encounter with someone and negotiating how
|>it is going to be paid for sound more like a business transaction.  Just
|>what percentage of the tab is it necessary for a woman to come up with to
|>avoid hurting your feelings. 50%,  30%?  Is 15% enough?
|
|Why can't romance take place on a dutch date?  It doesn't take much
|negotiation to glance at a bill and figure out about how much one's own
|share comes to.  (However, I guess I'd agree that nitpicking about the
|exact amount might dispell a romantic mood).  
 
That was my point.  Whether it's a dutch date, I'm paying, or you're paying
just don't make it a big deal.  How the bill is paid for the evening should
not be a major issue in how the date goes.  And it certainly shouldn't be
such an issue that feelings are hurt if someone doesn't contribute enough.

|>I would much prefer a "Thank you very much for dinner tonight.  I had
|>a wonderful time", and maybe a kiss on the cheek than 25% of the tab and
|>a handshake.
|
|Oh, John, you didn't just say that, did you?  I think I'm going to close
|my eyes and count to ten, and hope it disappears from my screen.
 
  1-2-3-4 

Quick! Somebody get some white out!

  5-6

Hurry!

  7-8-9-10

|Nope, still there.  
 
   ehem, what were you saying.

|WHAT DOES PAYING PART OF THE TAB HAVE TO DO WITH KISSING?

Nothing.

|Are you really
|saying that you think the kiss is contingent on the contribution, that
|you feel that if you pay for dinner she should kiss you in gratitude, whereas
|if she chips in for half she can get away with a handshake?  Oh, boy.
 
No, No, No, of course I'm not.  Let me 'splain.  I my date kisses me on 
the cheek, or any other part of my anatomy,  I want her to do so because
"she likes me".  The reason I asked her out in the first place is because
"I like her".  What I'm saying is that I am not asking for anything in
return because I've offered to take her out and have paid for her dinner.  I
I do nice thing for her because I like her.  I display my generosity, my
incredible wit and charm, and maybe she like me?  Then she do nice thing for
me.  That might even be saying, "I'd like to buy us a bottle of wine. No,
make that champagne."  And I would she would be doing so because she is
trying to contribute to the enjoyment of the date and not because she
felt obligated to contributed monetarily.

I'm saying that I would rather hear that my date was enjoying my company 
than have her contribute part of the bill.  Pretty simple I think.

The  handshake part was symbolic.  Negotiating how the bill is going to 
be paid sounds more like a business transaction than a date and thus the
transaction would be consumated with a handshake.  Can ya see it?

-- 
+==========================================================================+
| John Fereira        | Auspex Systems | "Ask me about my vow of silence." |
| johnf@auspex.com    | Santa Clara CA |                                   |
+==========================================================================+