From: alok@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (alok.vijayvargia)
Newsgroups: alt.culture.us.asian-indian
Subject: Re: To marry (Indian) or not?
Date: 5 Oct 92 23:53:44 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: AT&T

In article <1992Oct2.224720.8216@athena.mit.edu>, nergis@athena.mit.edu (Nergis Mavalvala) writes:
> 
> This is often why the hapless II male responds by getting 
> MORE conservative in his attitudes -- which explains
> why a lot of indian men settle down with a "nice Indian
> girl" (usually imported from the Motherland)

It is not that the II males gets more conservative, it just happens
that the imported women are more reliable & sturdy. They provide
excellent comfort too :-)

Even American men are going for imported women these days.

> see the perfect example below --
> >
> >You would be surprised to know that after dating American, Indian as well
> >as girls/women of other nationalities, I finally ended up marrying
> >an INDIAN girl from INDIA, just a few months back !
> 
> (Please note that I am NOT trying to critisize the author of the
> quote above in any way !)

Yet you did criticize - alas you couldn't spell 'criticize' correctly:)

Listen honey, this "nice Indian girl" you are talking about is 
a highly accomplished manager at a telecommunications company in INdia.
She is responsible for the RAX (Rural Automatic Exchange) switch
which CDOT is developing. She is doing something to improve Indian
telecommunications. Something which is worth admiration.

She is not just one of those types who will cook, clean, and raise
babies only ...

She has much to lose by coming to USA. She won't find that great job
she has in India, here in USA. She will leave her family who has 
supported her in India. 

Why did she then marry this guy ? She does not have much to gain by 
coming to America except to gain her husband. 

She is an attractive amiable person who respects the guy and 
his family members.  She cares for the guy.

In contrast all these American women including IA women who the guy 
had the opportunity to date (despite all the discrimination and 
stereotyping of Indian males), were not sincerely interested in the well 
being of the guy. They were NOT interested in marriage. They were ignorant, 
rude and closed-minded.  Some of them were very arrogant and even dangerous.
They were unappreciative and wanted to 'impose' this 'great american gigolo 
culture' or the 'racist, discriminatory born-again culture' or
some 'damn combination of the two cultures' on the guy. 
So why should the guy marry these uncaring, ignorant, pitiable, unkind 
souls ? And why should he not marry this attractive, amiable, caring, 
accomplished 'dharamputri' ?

> For II men living abroad, even ones who date non-Indians extensively, theres
>  lot of mental comfort and a lot less "risk" in marrying an 
> Indian woman. 

Not really.  This nice girl is gonna want me to do a lot of things for her.
First I got to sponsor her for visa. Then I need to teach her driving, buy
her a car, possibly help her in finding a job. She may not like American 
culture or work environment. So it is me who has to play the 'psychologist'
as well. I have to be very loyal to her else she will raise a hell.

Why did I marry her then ? I think she cares for me and that is the most
important thing to me.

> Your family is the one place where you can continue
>  the familiar social order of your childhood,  - the place where 
> you are the undisputed "king"  - the place where you can forget about 

My mom bossed my dad in India...
You have a streotypical image of Indian households.
NOt all men are undisputed kings. In many households it is the woman who 
calls the shots.

> (no, im not trying to claim that the U.S, or any country for that matter
> is free of sexism and glass celings, just that a female boss would be 
> more common here than in India where women managers are 
> virtually non-existent)

Wrong. This nice Indian girl I just talked about supervises a group
of 25 people, most of whom are men.

Again you have this stereotype image of Indian women. A number of Indian 
women are highly placed executives these days.

> - Preeti
> 

Alok