From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Weaver)
Subject: Re: How to ask someone out?
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 92 19:03:09 GMT

In article <26JUL92.14921897.0058@lafibm.lafayette.edu> HJ46@lafibm.lafayette.edu (Baboo (Holton, Jeffrey)) writes:
>In article <92207.162946U15479@uicvm.uic.edu> U15479@uicvm.uic.edu (Chris Grumboski) writes:
>>I need advice on what to do and say when approaching a woman I would like to
>>meet.  I am kind of shy and would like to change that but I can never think of
>>a thing to say when I see a stranger I would like to meet.  I don't want to
>>seem desperate or sleazy but rather friendly and non-confrontational.  Also,
>>what non-verbal signs do women give you when they want you to approach them,
>>say at a bar or on the street etc?  Thanks,
>>                                           Chris

>I have had a drastic time trying to package women into an algorithm of
>some sort.  I don't think it will work.
>
>Try this:  HEY ALL YOU WOMEN OUT THERE ON ALT.ROMANCE!  ARE YOU ALL THE
>SAME???
>
>Check the responses to this, Chris.  I doublt any of them will say yes,
>unless they have a really good sense of humor and they're trying to
>make me look like an idiot.  =)
>

This is an amusing response, Jeffery, but there's not much advice in it.

There are whole books written on meeting people, some even worth
reading ;-)

1. What to say to a stranger? The 'trick' here is to set yourself up.
   You want to arrange things so you both are in a situation there is
   something obvious and natural to talk about. At a party, pick up the
   thread of the conversation she is in. At a class or work, talk about
   classes or work. In a line, talk about whatever you are waiting in
   line for. (On a street, I would say forget it. Some situations are
   for experts only.) Usually, you want to talk first and introduce
   yourself next. If it is someone you don't expect to run into her
   again, you need to get her number as well as her name (don't
   forget the obvious). It is probably best to ask about
   'getting together' or 'I'll give you a call' or some vague phrase
   rather than trying to ask her out on the spot. I prefer to date
   people I already know, so I generally simply ask them out. But with
   strangers, you have to give them every chance to back out, or they
   will feel trapped.

2. How to not seem desperate or sleazy? You cannot control what other
   people think of you, but generally, they will depend on the attitude
   you project.  You want to project an attitude of being friendly and
   sociable and not one of being desperate or sleazy. Also, the less
   someone knows you, the more important appearances are. You don't
   have to look very attractive, but you do want to look clean and
   appropriately dressed. This depends a lot on the situation, of 
   course.

3. What about non-verbal signs? If you are talking about a woman
   signaling you in some subtle way that you may be missing, forget
   it. I would leave that sort of non-verbal communications to
   game-players. If you are talking about body language, it is easy to
   read, but you can only tell the mood someone is in, not whether or
   not they want to meet you. My advice would be, unless someone seems
   clearly not in the mood to socialize, to ignore these sorts subtlies
   and go ahead and try to involve the other person. If they don't
   respond, then move on, and look for another person, or wait for
   another day.


Good Luck,
Michael.
------
The world is turning on gliding fireworks,
you beside me,
Revolution Earth (B52s)
Newsgroups: alt.romance