From: yasu@ll.mit.edu (Alan Yasutovich)
Subject: making a change
Organization: MIT Lincoln Laboratory
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 92 16:29:46 GMT

>From: ssmith@xocolatl.com (Shannon Smith)
>Newsgroups: alt.child-support
>Subject: Re: Making a change
>
>Likewise, each parent should put in their fair share of parenting. 
>Right now, with a 2-year-old and a 1-year-old (just turned 1 a week
>ago!) I am exhausted!  I am so very tired.... And yet, I can't say "I
>can't afford to spend the energy on the kids, so I won't send the
>energy check."  Parenting is sharing more than just financial
>responsibility for kids, IMNSHO.
>
>
>The sum of $1200/month for three children may sound like a lot, but
>look--I have two children, and day care for both of them is going to
>run in the neighborhood of $800-900 month.  Plus rent, utils, etc. 
>It costs a lot more money to raise kids in two households than it
>does to raise them in one.  *Everyone's* belt has to be tightened.
>
>Shannon Smith                     ssmith@xocolatl.com


	Well Shannon, this makes you a 2-time loser.  Most responsible
	adults recognize or subscribe to a couple of thoughts:

	1) A woman generally has one kid, and *might* stay home.  After
	the second one (because of daycare which is exactly what you
	said) it usually becomes financially prohibitive for the woman
	to leave her children with someone else, just to sign over her
	paycheck to them.  The preferred method is to stay home and
	nurture.  You seem to have carried this one step furthur with
	3 kids.

	2) People also make finances a consideration in family size.
	Unless they're a welfare mother with 800 kids, they say they
	should stop having kids before they're in financial trouble.
	This includes all the stuff about living on one income as
	compared to daycare, etc..

	Maybe you should stop having kids so you can take care of
	them like you should, instead of criticizing *me* about my
	situation.  It doesn't sound like your kids are going to get
	to know you any better than my son will.

	My own experience is that my present wife and I PLANNED things
	so she could stay home with my daughter. And in my first
	marriage, my wife did not work outside the home when my
	son was born.  See, I try to take care of the present.  And
	at one point my ex asked my mother why I was having any kids
	if "we didn't have any money".  The answer was/is that I planned
	for it.  And I didn't expect any "new members" to crawl out of
	the woodwork.  You're thinking is in the exact opposite
	direction with me.  I pour EVERYTHING into my family.  This
	includes plans for complete and proper nurturing.  I do not
	consider my son "part of my family". I protect my family from
	harm.  My son is a threat.  My family all have *my* last name,
	and live under *my* roof.  And in a war, when someone defect
	to the other side, people don't say, "Don't shoot!  He's one
	of us!"  He's not one of us anymore.  He's the enemy.

	In your own case, I think you should manage to tend to nurturing
	your own family, rather than hiring others to do it, before
	you worry about me.

-- 
	Alan Yasutovich
	"inquiring  (and nosey) minds WANT TO KNOW!!!"
	I can remember when "safe sex" meant having a padded headboard!!
	Tick Tock.....Tick Tock......Tick Tock .....Tick Tock......
From: mort@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Jeff Mortensen)
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1992 01:35:14 GMT
Subject: Re: Flakey ex. husband/dad
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA