From: dan@Ingres.COM (Daniel J. Dick)
Subject: Re: Teaching Superstition
Organization: Representing my own views here.
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL3
Distribution: usa
Date: 10 Sep 92 00:04:13 GMT

Al Date and Judy Leedom Tyler made some interesting points regarding the
effects of religion, superstition, and scary truths has on children.

I admit that I'm heavily biased in favor of a Christian approach, but I would
tend to share what I believe to be truth in the most loving manner saving the
scary stuff for a time when the child is adequately prepared to handle it
without fear.  People often feel it is cute or alright to tell a child a little
white lie for fun or to avoid a difficult subject.  I understand the kindness
behind this in some situations, but I feel it is better to retain integrity
and set a good example and let the child grow up feeling that his parents will
not lie to them.  I'd rather have my children run to me for verification or
clarification of something than to run to someone else for verification of my
word.

Regarding Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, etc., I wouldn't go around with a
scowl on my face as though they were the most evil beings in the world.  They
are there as a source of entertainment--for fun.  However, I would not teach
my children that those folks are real and see everything, etc.

Regarding religious indoctrination, some might regard my Christian beliefs
to be superstition, but I would teach them with conviction and love giving
my child a view of a loving and wise God, and I would hope that my life would
show much integrity, love, and courage so that they would have a positive
view of one who loves God as well as of God Himself.

: >Okay, so you were taught a religious belief that caused you
: >nightmares.  Whether or not the belief is true is of less consequence than
: >the effect it had.  So if you were taught that there are sexual perverts who
: >sneak into unlocked windows at night and molest little children and had
: >nightmares from that it would have had the same impact.  Correct?
: >

I won't get into the theology or reasoning behind my own belief in hell, but
I'd teach about this much the way I would teach about perverts, killers, etc.
I'd save it for a time when my children had a good understanding of the love,
wisdom, integrity, and benevolence of God with the idea that perfect love
drives away fear.  The teaching of hell-fire and brimstone is of no good and
it is better to remain ignorant of it altogether rather than to be aware of
it without understanding the wisdom, justice, and need for it.

In short, I'd start early teaching love, wisdom as in Proverbs, and gradually
move to the differences between good and evil and justice, and then when my
child is ready, I'd share about death and heaven and hell and how Christ died
to pay the price for our sins...  My hope is that there would be as little
fear as possible.

: No, because there is a difference in being afraid of self-verifiable
: reality, and being afraid of ghosts, on the other hand.  I think
: the difference that I am trying to pin down is the difference between
: rational fear and irrational fear.  Something tells me that irrational
: fear is not a good thing, perhaps the source of much psychosis.
: I know that there are quite a few people who swallow religion so
: hard that it cripples them in some ways.
 
I agree partially.  There is no sense in building an unhealthy sense of fear
in a child of something that simply isn't there.  As for demons, evil people,
etc. which I do consider real evils, rather than instill fear, I would choose
rather to instill confidence in God and in the wisdom of proper and cautious
behavior--don't fear the hot stove, but rather just don't touch it...But one
thing that I like about Christianity is that it also reduces or removes the
personal side of the fear of death.  Our treasures and everything precious to
us is not tied to the ground.

: >So, religion aside, I don't think it "messes up children's brains" to learn
: >about superstitions any more than I believe it messes up their brains to 
: >engage in fantasy play.  
: 
: OK, but fantasy is DIFFERENT, because it is acknowledged pretendedness
: upfront.  God is NOT pretend-play, or at least, that is what religious
: training says.

This is why I would avoid any false teachings about Santa.  I would not want
my children wondering if I was telling them the truth later about God.  Even
"little white lies" can do much to destroy communication when another person
wonders what motivates our words if it is not truth.

: >After all, if you PRETEND that a rock is hamburger
: >when your child wants to cook you dinner, aren't you training them to ignore
: >the evidence of their own senses?  
: 
: No, I would say that you are encouraging them to engage in a harmless
: fantasy.  You are not asking them to bite the rock.  
: I am not convinced that God-training is harmless, and I think
: kids are kind of EXPECTED to "bite the rock of religion," if you will.
: 

I'm not sure about the effects of fantasy on a child's mind.  To me, it seems
the problem comes at the time that the fantasy is wrongfully accepted as
truth.  There is clearly no intention at deception.  I would not lie to my
child, but I might hand them a rock and say, "here's your hamburger."  Jesus
even spoke in allegories, used metaphores, and spoke great truths wrapped in
fantasies.  Again, I beg to differ with you regarding the truth of "religion",
but I'll keep this posting clear from religious arguement and deal with the
way beliefs, fantasies, etc., interface with children's minds.

: >>But on the other hand, another friend of mine believes that children
: >>who are not indoctrinated in some conventional religion are easy
: >>pray for Moonie or Krishna cults.  
: >>
: >
: >Well, this is patently false.  Most of the children caught up in cults were from
: >conventional religious backgrounds. 
: 

Good points.  I think part of the problem is that children have lost the
trust and respect of their parents and are looking for a replacement such as
Moon or some guru of some sort, and possibly some way to tamper with and
play around with anything spiritual they can get their hands on to try.

I think it has little to do with what religious "label" is put on the family.

: > They were enticed into the cult because
: >they did not have the experience to recognize mental manipulation when they
: >became victim to it.  
: 

True.  Peer pressure.  Kids turn away from parents and are hungary for social
belonging.  They're still very impressionable.

: Perhaps they became acclimated to mental manipulation when their parents
: convinced them about God in the first place, ever think of that?  (8-)
: 

Nope.  I was raised agnostic, loved and stayed close to my parents, but went
out for a search for myself concerning God's existence, character, and what
was the "right" religion so to speak.  Although I respect other beliefs, I
turned aside Mormonism, Jehovah's Witnesses, Religious Science, Hinduism,
Athiesm, "The Way", Catholicism, spiritism, flying-saucer-ism, and many
shapes and flavors of Christian theologies before coming directly to what I
feel is a true and Biblical Christian belief.  Perhaps I found God--perhaps
He found me, but I arrived at my beliefs through skepticism than through
somebody's manipulation.  And, this is the honest type of belief that I
hope my children will also find.  We should be honest about our beliefs so
that what we say we believe and what we believe match.

: >>What is a parent to do?
: >>
: >This is, to me, the simplest of all questions.  The parent is to impart their
: >own view of the world to their child.  It would be dishonest for a parent who
: >did not believe in God to teach their child God.  And it would be dishonest for
: >a parent who does believe in God NOT to teach their child about God.
: >

Good!!!

Newsgroups: misc.kids