From: ahmed@dsg.cs.tcd.ie (Ahmed El-Habbash)
Subject: Re: Islam main girlfriend/boyfriend ka muqaam
Organization: DSG, Dept. of Computer Science, Trinity College Dublin
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 15:17:20 GMT



In <1992Nov23.054144.22130@leland.Stanford.EDU> arkay@leland.Stanford.EDU (Abdur Khan) writes:


>Assalam-o-alaikum;
>	I have a question regarding boyfriend/girlfriend relationships
>in Islam. Is there a similar concept in Islam. How are the marriages
>arranged in Islam.

>In the western culture, the basis for the concepts of boy/girl friends 
>is that the two people who are in this relationship will be
>living their lives together. So naturally they should be the ones making 
>the decisions about their partners in life. An informed decision based on 
>the personality of the other person and not just on a photograph or 
>outward appearance or family background . Is this kind of relationship
>not possible in Islam.

>Please send all the e-mail responses and flames to Rafay and
>Tanwir at tanwir@hpctlg.corp.hp.com.

Marriage in Islam: 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Is an agreement between two parties, similar to the concept of a 
 boy/girl friend relationship, but:

  a- The relationship is not secret.
  b- There should be a commitment to whatever conditions agreed upon by
     the two parties.
  c- There are committments implied by the Islamic marriage itself, such
     as decency of the relationship ( no treachery ), family support,
     the after marriage consequences, such as children, inheritance, .. etc.
  d- If there is no satisfaction, then a divorce can end the
     relationship in a formal and decent way.

How can marriage in Islam satisfy the desired aquaintance of the two
partners without the need to seek that outside marriage ?

Go directly for marriage, and make the conditions simple.
You can get aquainted at different levels:-
- A test period, where sex is not experienced, but you can experience
  other aspects. If there is any problem, and marriage is not going to
  be reached then divorce can be made. Divorce in this case is simple.
  The woman has the right of half the dowry, only, and she does not need
  to wait for three periods after divorce.

- A full marriage, were sexual relationship is practiced. In this case,
  the woman has the right of the whole dowery (agrreed upon), and 
  the situation of children will be made clear.
  However the woman has to wait for three periods after divorce, before
  getting married to another one.

Divorce In Islam:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Divorce shouldn't be viewed as an act of violence. It is simply a formal
way to end a relationship between a man and a woman. A way to protect
the rights of each party.

The question now: Why would one think of having an out-of-marriage
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
relationship ?!

One answer would be: There is no need for that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another answer: The stupidity of the parties involved in the marriage,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
by making hard the conditions of the marriage which make divorce too
difficult.


The concept of a boy/girl friend came up for different reasons.

1- A desire of a non-committed relationships between the partners.
2- Compulsory monogamy.
3- The Previous state of no-divorce in Christianity.

Non-committed relationship, in general, is an indication of degraded morals.
It will result in betrayal, deceit and treachery, and other possible
complications.

Compulsory monogamy, provided that there is shortage of morals, may lead
to forming illicit relationships with other partners, through boy/girl
friend relationships.

No-divorce condition, will drive parties to be very cautious when
accepting marriage, since aquaintance has to be sought outside marriage.

Note: The boy/girl friend relationship is not accepted in Islam. It is
~~~~~
adultery.  In the other religions This relationship is also adultery,
however, the regidity introduced into these religions, forced people to 
commit it openly, and introduce it as acceptable adultary in these
religions.


However, Muslims (not Islam) can make the situation of marriage as
bad, by not respecting the rules of their religion. This can happen in
different ways:

1- loosing faith in their religion and in themselves and following 
   the others blindly.
2- Not accepting what is acceptable to them by Allah (in their religion), 
   for example: polygamy, and divorce, .
3- Making marrige difficult by making the conditions of the marriage
   agreement hard, and introducing some cultural complexities, and
   innovations, which are against Sunnah.

However, and in any case, the boy/girl friend relationships is not 
acceptable and not needed in Islam and also not needed in an Islamic 
community.
Islam makes life simple when one adhers to it.

Ahmed


-- 
Ahmed I. El-Habbash, 
Department of Computer Science, Trinity College,
Dublin 2, Ireland.
Tel: office: +353-1-7021524
Newsgroups: soc.culture.pakistan,soc.culture.arabic,alt