From: anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Flaming (was Re: Response to Ed)
Date: 12 Nov 92 18:32:23 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes







11-Nov-92 16:15	sbecker@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu	Flaming (was Re: Response to Ed)

>"face reality" before I'm ready?  To that end, I think it could be damaging to
>try and "force" somebody" to do so by openly critiquing them (flaming them) on
>ASAR.  Yes, you may feel that it helps their healing process, but by making
>that decision for them you are taking the power of their own healing process
>away from them.  And this is supposed to be about aiding in the healing process
>of others, right?  Not "controlling" it for them.  Anika is clearly in a place
>in her recovery where she can try to "face reality" and I applaud and celebrate
>that :)  

	I'm glad you posted this, because I'd hate this to be misconstrued. I
	don't want *anyone* to think I'm suggesting an open free for all on
	all posts to ASAR. And when I said "face reality" it was a rather
	strong way to say, "Accept responsibility for your posts." Point
	being that if someone posts something that hurts someone else, the
	person who has been hurt by it should be allowed to say, "I was hurt
	by that," without anyone jumping down their throats for it. Although
	we may not have all our memories (I don't) that doesn't preclude
	the existence of reality. We can still be hurt and can still express
	that hurt. Part of the scars of *my* experience, at least, is to be
	unable or afraid to defend myself in any manner. If someone is hurt
	by a post and can't express that here without getting flamed, we're
	helping to perpetuate the results of the abuse...*I* think. Maybe
	I'm wrong and I'm the only one who feels a need to express these
	things. That could be part of *my* stuff. :)

>further, on the subject of flaming, it can scare off those of us "neophytes"
>who are struggling with validating ourselves, our opinions and our experiences,
>if we are worried that our posts will be flamed merely for running counter to
>another's opinion.  Let's assume that while we all share something in common
>(abuse), our experiences of that and our ways of dealing with it are
>different. 

	Hmmm... maybe I *am* wrong. It seems to me that the current
	environment emphasizes that fear of flaming, instead of allowing
	rational responses to posts. But it was for this reason (scaring of
	"neophytes") that I recommended using an appropriate header - not
	unlike a spoiler warning. I don't want people randomly attacking
	each others ideas, I want a calm discussion as to why we're having
	these recurring problems. I've seen some good discussion going on here
	about this today, and I'm glad of that. I appreciate the opportunity
	to clarify my position more and hope I haven't offended anyone
	(especially you, Sarah! :).

							Anika



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