From: clare@nynexst.com (Clare Chu)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: YKYAPW
Date: 2 Sep 92 12:55:01 GMT
Organization: Nynex Science and Technology

In article <1992Sep01.022127.2219217@locus.com> judy@locus.com (Judy Leedom Tyrer) writes:
>You know your a mother when you polish your nails for the first time in
>25 years because your 2 year old daughter is the type of little girl who
>loves frilly things and, as you expected, ADORES having her finger nails
>painted.  And your 4 year old son insists that you paint yours.
>
>Actually, I almost posted this to the gender differences thread.  But my
>step-mother picked up on something really important with my daughter.  I
>am a tomboy and tend to think Erin looks really cute in blue jeans and her
>brother's hand-me-down T-shirts.  But Erin seems to really like frilly things.
>My step-mother sends her these dresses that I would never have bought that
>Erin loves and looks wonderful in.
>
>So lately I've been focusing on Erin as her own person and making space for
>her in our family so that her personality has room to grow.  And in stepping
>back (I really recommend this to all parents for all children) I saw that
>this was not ME as a little girl.  Erin is much more like my best friend
>growing up who always had necklaces and curls in her hair and wore tutus and
>wanted to play princess.  And who's mother painted her nails too.
>
>So Sunday morning I curled her hair and painted her nails and put her in a
>very cute not-TOO-frilly dress I'd bought her and she beamed.  I bought her
>some little heart beaded necklaces which she wears around (only thing on her
>body) all day.  Etc., etc.  
>
>So I think just as those tough macho dudes need to allow their young sons to 
>wear bows in their hair if that is what their sons want to do, we macho moms 
>need to let our daughters do the same.  I recommend that in all this effort to
>gender-neutral our kids, we don't repress our very feminine, frill loving,
>little girls.    
>
>
>-- 
>Judy Leedom Tyrer
>
>"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"	- William Blake


  I think this is what I'm secretly afraid is going to happen
  if I have a daughter.  Maybe that's why I'd rather have sons.
  I grew up as "macha" as I could be, in between comments from teachers
  and other adults on "Oh what a cute little China doll."  I never
  hesitated to fight back if someone picked on me and according to
  my teachers, "broke every stereotype in the book for Chinese girls."
  I used to hate it when my mom gave me those China doll haircuts, with
  the straight bangs and blunt straight cut just below the neck.
  And I remember when my mom made me a cute dress I refused to wear it.
  I wore jeans (still do) and never played with Barbie dolls.  In fact
  I never played with dolls even when I was a baby, preferring to use
  them as footballs.  Even now I play a lot better with my friends'
  toddler boys, preferring to play balloon volleyball and run around
  with them, instead of sitting under a tree playing with dolls.
  I always feel I would be better off raising a "macha" daughter or
  a baby dyke.  But what if???  What if I got one who likes frilly
  clothes and wants to play with dolls and wants to paint her nails
  and curl her hair and act prissy-sissy.  And then studies show that
  little girls who are overly concerned about their appearances show
  a self-esteem drop at about 10-11 years old, versus the ones who
  don't care.  And that teenage girls are more prone to eating disorders
  and link their self-esteem to their looks, whereas boys link their self-esteem
  to their achievements.  All three of us (my sisters and I) have or
  are getting doctorates and are high achievers precisely because my
  mom never encouraged "look-consciousness".  What bothers me about
  frilly clothes and nail painting is that it makes little girls think of themselves
  only in terms of looks, not achievements.  Look conscious women also
  have a lot harder menopause than women who take pride in their achievements.

  I guess I'll just have to send my daughters to karate school.
  Failing that, I'll ship her off to the Marines to toughen her up.  :-)