HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: jacobw@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Jacob Solomon Weinstein)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Sick of grovels, <ZOT>s (but Lisa is fine!)
Date: 14 Dec 92 02:56:28 GMT
Distribution: rec
Organization: Princeton University
Originator: news@nimaster

Steven C. Morrell writes:
>I think the grovel-<ZOT>-Lisa-woodchuck themes don't automatically
>mean the supplicant/oracle is completely devoid of humor, but it
>seems that half of the time I ask questions, the reply is a dry
>restatement of "You haven't grovelled sufficiently so <ZOT>."
It seems to me that, so long as somebody grovels at least SOMEWHAT, it's
hardly fair to refuse to answer. And even when somebody forgets to
grovel entirely, there's no harm in saying something to the effect of
"I'll let you get by this time, but you better start groveling in the
future." And if you're so hard-hearted that you won't even do THAT, you
can at least be creative in your refusal. I've seen some pretty funny
(not to mention lengthy) responses that were, in effect, variations on
"you haven't grovelled sufficiently."
From: echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: X-Faces
Date: 12 Dec 1992 23:22:46 -0800
Organization: <censored>
NNTP-Posting-Host: girtab.usc.edu

In article <maanstro.724194803@vincent2.iastate.edu> maanstro@iastate.edu (Angstrom) writes:
>What exactly is X-Face, anyway? And where is it? It'd be nice if, instead
>of just saying it's "in the iuvax archive", we got a full ftp address.
>Just call me clueless.

Well, now, let's see how clueful or clueless you really are.

-----

5150: Where do you mail your questions to the Oracle to, Angstrom?
Angstrom: Er, that's simple, to oracle@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu.

5: A ha!  I see an 'iuvax' up there.  Perhaps that's what they meant by the
   "iuvax archive"?
A: Well, why didn't i think of that?  Just call me clueless.

-----

In case you can't reach it by name, the IP address is 129.79.254.192.


5150
eager to help

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: chai@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Your friendly neighbourhood Spectre)
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #513-08
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 00:31:40 GMT

Is it just my feed, or did everyone's version of this end cut-off like
that? Or was it *deliberate*?

oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu writes:
>} Dear unenlightened supplicant.  The Oracle is grieved by your misguided
>} affinity for material things.  True enlightenment and happiness can
>} only come when we free ourselves from our desires for material things.
>} The Oracle can help you with this.  I give seminars on "Freeing
>} ourselves from our desires for material things."  These seminars, run
>} by myself, and my personall
-- 
---                                      Xtrek is lovely, dark and deep.
God is gracious = Yahya = Yochanan =        But I have promises to keep,
Johannes = John = Jean = Jan = Ian     And megs to write before I sleep,
Internet: chai@cs.uiuc.edu             And megs to write before I sleep.
From: chbl@sbustd.rz.uni-sb.de (Christian Blum)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #513-08
Date: 18 Dec 1992 16:20:24 GMT
Organization: Studenten-Mail, Rechenzentrum Universitaet des Saarlandes
NNTP-Posting-Host: sbustd.stud.uni-sb.de

krauskop@en.ecn.purdue.edu (Curtis D Krauskopf) writes:
> (Your friendly neighbourhood Spectre) writes:
> >Is it just my feed, or did everyone's version of this end cut-off like
> >that? Or was it *deliberate*?
> >
> >oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu writes:
> >>} Dear unenlightened supplicant.  The Oracle is grieved by your misguided
> >>} affinity for material things.  True enlightenment and happiness can
> >>} only come when we free ourselves from our desires for material things.
> >>} The Oracle can help you with this.  I give seminars on "Freeing
> >>} ourselves from our desires for material things."  These seminars, run
> >>} by myself, and my personall
> 
> My version wasn't cut off.  Maybe you should check your mail reader for
Mine was, too, and I've checked TASS and found out that

--
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Christian Blum                   Universitaet des Saarlandes, Germany
Friedrich-Ebert-Str. 50          chbl@stud.uni-sb.de
W-6685 Heiligenwald              chbl@sbustd.rz.uni-sb.de
Germany                          Tel (+49) (0) 6821 67476

Merry Xmas, everyone!
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: chai@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Your friendly neighbourhood Spectre)
Subject: Re: Small Furry Animals, Inc.
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 22:06:19 GMT

tam@furry.lonestar.org (Todd A. Murray) writes:
>It fills up entire hard drive partitions with news articles about how the Amiga
>is going to die soon.  It's basically an Amiga 500 sitting in my living room
>with a Usenet feed.  I needed an organization name more interesting than the
>default of "Not an Organization" that comes with Amiga UUCP.  (I do have one
>or two stuffed animals around here, though.)

Ah! I see 8-)

Is Lonestar an organization that provides internet service to private
individuals?
-- 
---                                      Xtrek is lovely, dark and deep.
God is gracious = Yahya = Yochanan =        But I have promises to keep,
Johannes = John = Jean = Jan = Ian     And megs to write before I sleep,
Internet: chai@cs.uiuc.edu             And megs to write before I sleep.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: krauskop@en.ecn.purdue.edu (Curtis D Krauskopf)
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #513-08
Organization: Purdue University Engineering Computer Network
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 14:13:36 GMT

(Your friendly neighbourhood Spectre) writes:
>Is it just my feed, or did everyone's version of this end cut-off like
>that? Or was it *deliberate*?
>
>oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu writes:
>>} Dear unenlightened supplicant.  The Oracle is grieved by your misguided
>>} affinity for material things.  True enlightenment and happiness can
>>} only come when we free ourselves from our desires for material things.
>>} The Oracle can help you with this.  I give seminars on "Freeing
>>} ourselves from our desires for material things."  These seminars, run
>>} by myself, and my personall

My version wasn't cut off.  Maybe you should check your mail reader for
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: aldavi01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu (Arlie Davis)
Subject: 511:9
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 19:37:18 GMT
Reply-To: Arlie Davis <aldavi01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu>
Organization: University of Louisville

Yeesh!  Seeing all those parentheses, especially the ")))))))))))..." at the
end, made me think the Oracle had switched entirely to Lisp, or Scheme.

(lambda oracle (question &optional grovel &keyword (woodchuck *zot-factor*) ...
-- 
lrwx------   1 aldavi01 emacsstu       9 Jun  6 12:43 .signature -> /dev/null
-- 
lrwx------   1 aldavi01 emacsstu       9 Jun  6 12:43 .signature -> /dev/null
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: morrell@math.utah.edu (Steven C. Morrell)
Subject: Sick of grovels, <ZOT>s (but Lisa is fine!)
Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1992 00:09:12 GMT
Distribution: rec
Organization: Department of Mathematics, University of Utah

I think the grovel-<ZOT>-Lisa-woodchuck themes don't automatically
mean the supplicant/oracle is completely devoid of humor, but it
seems that half of the time I ask questions, the reply is a dry
restatement of "You haven't grovelled sufficiently so <ZOT>."

Now, I admit that my grovels aren't usually the sort that get used in
tutorials for excellent grovels, and that some of my questions are very
off-the-wall, but I wonder why I am getting so many rejections.

Am I the only supplicant who lacks a sense of humor?  Or is there a
sadistic oracle out there who types tripe just to prevent me from
receiving a real answer?  My guess is that somebody is just trying to
reduce the turn-around time, but I can only handle so many rejections!

Could this be the root of the Oracle humor crisis?

There must be a better way to refuse a question without landing it in
limbo.  And it would be nice if I could send mail to a supplicant which
says, "Your question deserves a better answer than the one I sent you
before I decided it wasn't a funny answer.  Please resubmit it."
 
Steven Morrell         morrell@math.utah.edu
DISCLAIMER:  Nobody is responsible.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: lrrosenb@napier.uwaterloo.ca (Leslie Rosenblood)
Subject: JP Roberts, is that you?
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 19:38:28 GMT

	I've noticed recently the emergence in the Oracularities of a peculiar
style of writing.

	You know, the questions and answers that look like a Lisp program.

	I just have to know-- to the person who writes them: 

	JP Roberts, is that you?

	This is Leslie Rosenblood, from Acropolis (way back when).

	I apologize if this is an abuse of the newsgroup, but Oracular
annonymity means I can't trace the guy any other way...

	Long live the Oracle!!!!

--

Leslie Rosenblood 			lrrosenblood@descartes.uwaterloo.ca
 
  "If you can't trust us with a choice, how can you trust us with a child?"
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: chai@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Your friendly neighbourhood Spectre)
Subject: Re: Sick of grovels, <ZOT>s (but Lisa is fine!)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Distribution: rec
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 22:01:09 GMT

morrell@math.utah.edu (Steven C. Morrell) writes:
>There must be a better way to refuse a question without landing it in
>limbo.  And it would be nice if I could send mail to a supplicant which
>says, "Your question deserves a better answer than the one I sent you
>before I decided it wasn't a funny answer.  Please resubmit it."

What one can do is send as the answer, "I'm sorry, I couldn't come up
with a funny answer for this one. Try resubmitting it." And the
supplicant would get it... (I've done so before...)
-- 
---                                      Xtrek is lovely, dark and deep.
God is gracious = Yahya = Yochanan =        But I have promises to keep,
Johannes = John = Jean = Jan = Ian     And megs to write before I sleep,
Internet: chai@cs.uiuc.edu             And megs to write before I sleep.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: DAVIS@licr.dn.mu.oz.au
Subject: #511-09
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7BIT
Organization: Computer Science, Indiana University
Mime-Version: 1.0
Date: 14 Dec 1992 07:40:14 +1100
X-Vms-To: IN::"rec.humor.oracle.d@cs.indiana.edu"

Clearly this could never be the Oracle's fault - a Priest's head must
roll for this!  Who was responsible for leaving out the final ) ?

Ian Davis                             DAVIS@licr.dn.mu.oz.au
From: tam@furry.lonestar.org (Todd A. Murray)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Small Furry Animals, Inc.
Date: 13 Dec 92 04:23:04 GMT
Organization: Small Furry Animals Unlimited, Plano TX
X-NewsSoftware: GRn 1.16f (10.17.92) by Mike Schwartz & Michael B. Smith

In article <Bz2KG0.EtE@news.cso.uiuc.edu> chai@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Your friendly neighbourhood Spectre) writes:
> tam@furry.lonestar.org (Todd A. Murray) writes:
> >If you wanted to get
> >technical, you can even count my organization name as a reference to woodchucks.
> 
> Just curious... what does "small furry animals inc" do? Puppets?
> Stuffed toys?

It fills up entire hard drive partitions with news articles about how the Amiga
is going to die soon.  It's basically an Amiga 500 sitting in my living room
with a Usenet feed.  I needed an organization name more interesting than the
default of "Not an Organization" that comes with Amiga UUCP.  (I do have one
or two stuffed animals around here, though.)

> ---                                      Xtrek is lovely, dark and deep.
> God is gracious = Yahya = Yochanan =        But I have promises to keep,
> Johannes = John = Jean = Jan = Ian     And megs to write before I sleep,
> Internet: chai@cs.uiuc.edu             And megs to write before I sleep.

-- 
Todd A. Murray - tam@furry.lonestar.org
"Greetings.  This is Mr. Hanson.  I am your host."
From: kinzler@moose.cs.indiana.edu (Steve Kinzler)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: X-Faces
Date: 13 Dec 92 06:28:56 GMT
Article-I.D.: news.1992Dec13.112903.23751
Organization: Computer Science, Indiana University

echeverr@scf.usc.edu (5150) writes:
>maanstro@iastate.edu (Angstrom) writes:
>>What exactly is X-Face, anyway? And where is it? It'd be nice if, instead
>>of just saying it's "in the iuvax archive", we got a full ftp address.

Erg, I have to change that.  "iuvax" isn't exactly correct anymore.
The official ftp site is cs.indiana.edu, also known as "moose".

E-mail to iuvax.cs.indiana.edu, moose.cs.indiana.edu and cs.indiana.edu
should all end up the same place, but iuvax will be going away
eventually.

>In case you can't reach it by name, the IP address is 129.79.254.192.

You'll have to use 129.79.254.191 now.  ...192 is out of commission.

Steve
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: aldavi01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu (Arlie Davis)
Subject: The conclusion to "That's IT."
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 19:30:45 GMT
Reply-To: Arlie Davis <aldavi01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu>
Organization: University of Louisville

I had to rate 511:1 a 1.  But I rated it a 1 three times, and I had to fit them
all in one character.  ;)

-- 
lrwx------   1 aldavi01 emacsstu       9 Jun  6 12:43 .signature -> /dev/null
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: REQUEST: That Jesus fortune
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 09:03:32 GMT

Could someone send me that old fortune (removed, I suppose, because it's not
nice to make fun of JC - or at least, not PC) that talks about Jesus and
epistology?  The punch line was:  "And Jesus replied: 'What?'".

Thanks in advance...
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

Who and what would you be if you went beyond your deepest fears?
Organization: Freshman, CIT general, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 11:15:59 -0500 
From: Jason Paul Togyer <jt3y+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: Funny Riddle
Distribution: usa

From: eaeg160@orion.oac.uci.edu (Andy Wu)
Subject: Funny Riddle

>...Another one.  This one is really dumb
>What if president Lincoln is alive today, what is his effect on >the
U.S. Today?
>
>Ans:  Total population plus one...

Yeah, I agree.  That was pretty dumb.  ;-)

Actually, the way that I heard it was like this:

Q.: If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, what would he be doing?
A.: 1) Writing his memoirs
    2) Conducting peace talks in the Middle East
    3) Frantically clawing at the inside of his coffin

(Credit Late Night with David Letterman for that)

*******************************************************************
Jason Togyer, Civil Engineering, CMU (Carnegie Tech), Pittsburgh, Penn.
"It's broccoli, dear."
"I say it's spinach, and I say to hell with it!"
--'30s NEW YORKER cartoon caption by James Thurber
*******************************************************************
DISCLAIMER: I'm completely insane, and take no responsibility for my actions.
  For that matter, neither does any organization I'm involved in.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: comptec92055@camins.camosun.bc.ca
Subject: Canadian Jokes
Organization: Camosun College
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 02:11:08 GMT

{
	Well, here is a collection of Canadian humor.  They may not be funny 
to anybody but us fish eating Canadians, but, I will post them anyhow.

" Why don't Metchosin (the boondocks of Victoria, B.C., Canada) men get 
married?  Because sheep can't cook!"  Not funny ...

" What do clams and cunts have in common?  They both cannot be eaten during 
red tide "  Sorry ladies ...

" The only thing that we Canadians don't pay taxes for are our dicks.  80% of 
the time it's unemployed, 10% its hard up, and the other 10% of the time its 
in the hole, and on top of that it has two dependants and they are both nuts "

Here is a kinda long joke ...

	A guy is walking by a theatre and he sees a marquis advertising actors 
wanted.  So, he goes in and talks to the stage manager and he say that he 
wants to audition for a part.  So the stage manager says:

"Sure, go up on stage and show me what you can do!"  So the guy does a little 
bit of tap dancing, and does some good singing, does a real good soliloqy from 
MacBeth, and finishes off with a real gut busting comedy routine.  And the 
stage manager says:

"Wow, you good, whats you name?"  And the guy says:

"Penis Van Lesbian, Sir"  and the manager says:

"I can't let you work with a name like that, can't we just give you a stage 
name? " And the guy thinks, and finally says:

"Okay, how about Dick Van Dyke?"

Sorry, bad humour ... anyhow that is all the jokes for now ... see you next 
time ...
 
-The Smorg

Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.soviet
From: alpha@hubcap.clemson.edu (Shekhar Borde)
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Organization: Clemson University
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 19:29:12 GMT

hm@cs.brown.edu (Harry Mamaysky) writes:

>In article <1gij2mINNqsl@agate.berkeley.edu>, muh@physics.Berkeley.EDU (Yury M. Mukharsky) writes:
>|> In article <gDyoVB1w165w@bwalk.dm.com> dlv@bwalk.dm.com (Dimitri Vulis) writes:
>|> >
>|> Kto nibud' znaet, gde vzroslo eto blednoe chudo? Na prostorah Oklahomschiny ili
>|> na pomoikah NYC? Ili on vse zhe sam sebja sechet?
>|> 
>|> Yury M.

>Izvenyaus, no ya ne znayu chto znachet "sebja sechet". Pozhaluista
>obyesnitye.

>Harry.


If there is a joke in all of this, would somebody please translate 
it for those of us who don't speak Russian.

If there isn't a joke, would you fuckheads take this crap
somewhere else and stop cross-posting to rec.humor.


Regards.


-Shekhar


Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jheath@CERIS.Purdue.EDU (Jim Heath)
Subject: Re: PC manifesto
Organization: Center for Environmental and Regulatory Information Systems, Purdue University
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 16:08:26 GMT

From article <1992Dec15.154620.6793@u.washington.edu>, by chrispy@hardy.u.washington.edu (Chris Prince):
> In article <31121@nntp_server.ems.cdc.com> you@ems.cdc.com writes:
>>In article <1992Dec12.191518.1@jaguar.uofs.edu>, dfm2@jaguar.uofs.edu writes:
>>|> About all this PC crap...
>>|> How is my personal computer going to save the world from racism?
>>
>>Don't know, but there are some peopl who are so racist that they
>>only hove white keys on their pianos!!  ;-)
> 
> 	Atleast we know they aren't sharp.....get it?
> 

And then there are the ones with only black keys on their pianos.....
-- 
"Land of song, said the warrior bard,           Jim Heath
Though all the world betrays thee.
One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard, (The Minstrel Boy)
One faithful harp will praise thee."         (Thomas Moore)
From: v140pxgt@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (Daniel B Case)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: some Soviet emigre restaurant jokes
Date: 18 Dec 92 19:37:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Dec18.024203.9048@ico.isc.com>, timhu@ico.isc.com (Timothy Hu) writes...
>How do you decode those encoded jokes?

Like I said-they're not in code, they're just transliterated Russian. Ask for a
translation if it's that important to you.

							Dan Case
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: rdippold@cancun.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold)
Subject: Re: Indiana's Slogan
Organization: Qualcomm, Inc., San Diego, CA
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 1992 01:10:56 GMT

>In article <BzFx1F.7sq@acsu.buffalo.edu>, v140pxgt@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Daniel B Case) writes:
>=)
>=)That's not as bad as New Hampshire's classic "Live Free Or Die".

License plates made by prisoners in jail, BTW...
-- 
Out of body, back in five minutes.
From: aquigley@unix1.tcd.ie (Locutus)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Pope & 7 Dwarves joke!!
Date: 12 Dec 92 12:34:12 GMT
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin


Think of this as three sets of people taking.

The dwarves go on a world tour and when they stop in the vatician,they

are all invited to pray with the pope.

Pope:	Sntisus spiritus amen...
Doppey:	Excuse me your hollines,But are there any midget nuns in the
vatician.???
Pope:	No I really dont think there are
 
Pope:	Sntisus spiritus amen... may all your sins....
Doppey:	Excuse me your hollines,But are there any midget nuns in 
Italy ????  
Pope:	No I really dont think there are Now please be quiet doopey.


pope:	Sntisus spiritus amen... may all your sins through the mecry of
Doppey:	Excuse me your hollines,But are there any midget nuns in 
EuropE ????  
Pope: No doopey there are no midget nuns in europe now do sit down.

Pope:	May all happiness.........
Doppey:	Gosh I really am sorry but are there any midget nuns in the
world.
Pope:	For the last time there are no midget nuns.

Other dwarves:	doopey shaged a punguin,doopey shaged a punguin.....



Well I like it |).
Aaron
--
 ______________________________________________________________________________
|  Aritfical intellegence |    __o          o__      o__      o__      o__    |
|  is no match for        |  _ \<,_        _.>/ _   _.>/ _   _.>/ _   _.>/ _  | 
|  natural stupidity!     | (_)/ (_)      (_) \(_) (_) \(_) (_) \(_) (_) \(_) |
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: kdelgado@loligo.cc.fsu.edu (Kevin Delgado)
Subject: Re: WANTED: Words to Monty Python's Lumberjack Song before Tuesday
Organization: Florida State University Computing Center
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 92 17:58:20 GMT

In article <28149@optima.cs.arizona.edu> danmcd@rtp.vnet.ibm.com writes:
>
>I need a definitive set of words to Monty Python's Lumberjack Song.  I
>know most of them, but I need to be sure.
>
>Please mail them to either danmcd@cs.arizona.edu, or danmcd@rtp.vnet.ibm.com.

Just post the damn thing please!

>
>
>--
>Dan McDonald    |Internet: danmcd@cs.arizona.edu, UUCP: ..!uunet!arizona!danmcd
>U. of Arizona   |BITNET: danmcd%cs.arizona.edu@arizona.BITNET
>Computer Science| "We will pay the price,
>Graduate Student|  but we will not count the cost." - Rush (N. Peart)

Kevin

Newsgroups: rec.humor