From: ee448rsw@iitmax.iit.edu (Robert S Wojtowicz)
Newsgroups: soc.women
Subject: Re: short marriages
Keywords: Right on the money...
Date: 9 Apr 92 00:33:14 GMT
Organization: Illinois Institute of Technology

In article <1992Apr6.232250.15971@adobe.com> kendall@adobe.com (Janice Kendall) writes:
>In article <1992Apr6.125238.1@mdcbbs.com> rivero@mdcbbs.com writes:
>>> In <1992Apr2.200144.16834@adobe.com> kendall@adobe.com (Janice Kendall) writes:
>>> 
>>>> Evaluation period?  Why not just live together - or live apart and be engaged
>>>> for 5 years?  What if a child is born during this evaluation period?  Divorce
>>>> is very hard on children.
>>
>>about taking the marital step that changes the dynamics. My ex and I
>>lived together for 4 years (waiting on her first divorce) and frankly,
>>we had a hell of a good time tooling all over the planet. Byt when we
>>got married (same place Elvis did), things changed, then got really
>>weird when she got pregnant.
>>
>>  Me, I'm a hopless (or is that hopeful) romantic, and if I'm in a committed
>>relationship, I want to be in all the way, with rings, a cake, and horrible
>>gifts from the in-laws gathering dust in the closets. (but not for a while)
>>
>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>|  Michael Rivero rivero@mdcbbs.com Homo Cyberneticus-Computational Man  |
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
> For me, from what I have seen, the "marital step" can be the step toward
> a feeling of ownership and not having to work at the relationship any more.
> The "marital step" may lead to a feeling that one doesn't have to be on good
> behavior anymore, because the other is now bound to them.  I think that is
> one reason why there are so many divorces.
>
> Marriage is not a guarantee that the relationship will continue to be 
> nurtured and grow.  Marriage is not a guarantee of love and forever
> togetherness.  
>
> With my unmarried partner, we are very conscious of our relationship and
> we both continue to nurture it.  It is a very Give-Give type of relationship
> where we do not take each other for granted and we Know that we both Want to
> be together.  We have made a personal commitment which is every bit as strong
> and meaningful as marriage vows.  I agree that this is not for everyone, but
>
> I wish there was a ritual along with the marriage ceremony to help couples
> realize that the "marital step" is just the FIRST step in building the
> relationship.
>   
> Janice Kendall    kendall@adobe.com    ...!{decwrl|sun}!adobe!kendall

   Janice, If I could meet a single female like yourself I'd marry you :-) :-)

Seriously, I totally agree with your statement that relationships that last
are give-give, that both don't take for granted, and that a ring is not
everything people make it out to be. 
   Too many people get stuck in the marriage thing, and half of all marriages
end in divorce. People don't take marriages seriously anymore, and stop
working at relationships/friendships when married. Which is a main reason I
avoid women that mention the "m" word too soon in a relationship. 

Single and looking,

Rob

-- 
"Don't ever try to understand women, just love them!!"
Rob
ee448rsw@iitmax.iit.edu
x10019@gandalf.corp.mot.com