From: ali@tcs.com (Ali Ishtiaq)
Subject: Re: on recent discussions -- I
Organization: Teknekron Communications Systems Inc.
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 03:22:56 GMT

In article <11AUG199201265269@lheavx.gsfc.nasa.gov>, dipen@lheavx.gsfc.nasa.gov (D. Bhattacharya) writes:
|> 	The following is a personal summary that I tried to jot down 
|> 	in the wake of recent discussions on homosexuality in SCB. 
|> 	This was written from a very personal viewpoint. 
|> __________________________________________________________________
|> 
|> 	The number of responses and follow-ups to the discussion 
|> 	regarding homosexuality was surprising, pleasantly or otherwise. 
|> 	The original intention was only to get an idea about our 
|> 	attitude within the social context of Bangladesh, but the 
|> 	discussion, as somehow already expected, drifted to moral code 
|> 	and our personal viewpoints. It possibly indicates that there 
|> 	are basic categories that either we are not comfortable with, 
|> 	or that we have yet to resolve it for ourselves.

Dear Dipen Da,

How wonderful to finally hear from you about this topic. I was wondering
whatever happened to you after having started this whole discussion by
posting about my wedding, you very conveniently vanished (or so I thought).
Now, I see that true to your scientific profession you were simply noting 
down your observations without tainting the discussions with your wise words:-)
It is befitting that since you started the topic you should be writing the
last chapter on this too - the summary. I feel that you have captured the
general arguments that different people were making, quite succintly. In fact
I wonder whether you are in the habit of writing book reviews for the NY Times.

As a gay Bangladeshi I have been curious how Bangladeshis abroad view 
homosexuality. Sometime last year I posted something to this effect - not as
well put as your initial salvo - but it didn't get much response. Maybe
because Shakil never saw it :-). I have to thank him for keeping this discussion
alive, though I never got to understand his thread of argument (however I have 
to admit I got lost in some of the knots) until you, Dipen, explained it. 
Except that now he is rightfully upset that you understood him, so I guess I 
will refrain from trying to understand too much. (Just a joke, Shakil :-) ).

I wanted to refrain from snatching the last words from you, but I have to add
a few words myself. I have been pleasantly surprised by two things. The first
is that this discussion around sexuality actually got so much response and
it went on for so long whereas this topic is generally taboo among South
Asians. Secondly I was happy to see the number of people who supported me or
generally displayed a positive understanding of homosexuality. Even the 
negative postings were not full of hatred; these stemmed mostly from a belief
system which does not allow homosexuality or from a lack of knowledge on the 
subject.  I hope these postings will allow people to examine their belief 
systems or learn more about the topic. For I bet that each one of you know
at least one other Bangladeshi gay woman or man, who is probably closeted 
because s/he fears the reaction of her/his friends were they to know about 
her/his homosexuality. Yes, we can talk about philosophy, we can talk about
religion, we can argue about axioms, we can condemn homosexuality to kingdom
come, but ultimately we are talking about humanity, how we accept other people
in our lives and how we can allow these philosophis/religions to destroy
people.

One last word about my wedding to my partner Scott. In an earlier posting I
referred to the reaction of Bangladeshis to this. The news was published in
a news item in a California monthly magazine called "India Currents". It was a 
small item and very positive.  A Bangladeshi weekly from NY picked up the story
and unfortunately denounced it on its cover page. I didn't realize 
that this wedding would be so newsworthy as to be on the front page. What was 
intended to be a public affirmation of our love, has become a political 
statement. And thats okay except that we were just making public our commitments
to each other, not saying that heterosexuals should not marry. So why do these
people get so scared, that they need to denounce it?

Well, Dipen, hats off to you in starting up a good discussion!

Thanks.

- ali