From: viking@iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson)
Subject: Re: Breaking in green submariners
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames IA
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 16:35:08 GMT


From viking@iastate.edu (Dan Sorenson)

manuelp@ecf.toronto.edu (MANUELPILLAI Gerald Nishanthan) writes:

>Apparently, in one of the US Navy's nuke subs, whenever a new guy
>gets on board, the old hands keep mixing Nair (cream used to remove
>hair from women's legs) in his shampoo.  When the poor sap starts
>to lose his hair, everyone starts muttering about radiations leaks
>and radiation sickness!! 

>Anyone out there who can corroborate or even top this story ? 

	Are you asking for sea stories with a strait face?  This
one reminded me of a prank played on the USS Enterprise several
years ago.

	Seems that some Admiral-type came aboard for an inspection tour.
Said admiral had the usual Marine guard, who is supposed to follow the
admiral around and look menacing.  Upon entering engineering, both were
given radiation badges, told where not to step, not to mess with
anything, and all that sort of stuff.  Fine.  Upon exiting engineering,
the poor marine had lost his badge.  It was found later in the pocket
of a seaman who was adept at relieving people of things, most notably
in poker games.  However, regulations make a lost badge a Bad Thing (tm),
as it has to be assummed that the person is contaminated until proven
clean.  You can see where this is going.

	First, the poor guy had his clothing cut off and *all* his hair
shaved.  These went into a low-level radwaste bag.  Next, the lava soap
was brought out and the guy scrubbed until he was a bright pink all
over, though some crewmen scrubbed a bit harder than necessary and
there was some bleeding, but all in all just a good cleaning of dead skin.
Radiation detection equipment is brought out, and stuck in nearly every
orifice the poor guy has.  Probes tickling his tonsils, eardrums, sinuses,
and what-not.  Finally, a crewman (medical type by now) grabs this huge
detector, about 4" in diameter and a foot or more long, slips a rubber
over the end, and starts greasing it up.  "Time for internal monitoring,
Marine!  Bend over and spread 'em!"  His scream of "NOOOOO!!" could be
heard several sections forward.  The Marine captain, who had been
informed of what was happening and had a pretty good sense of humor,
gave the order, "That's an order, Marine!  Bend over and spread 'em!"

	Said marine bent over, grabbed his cheeks, and with a look of
intense pain on his face prepared to accept his fate.  The medical type
got behind him, gave a final stretch on the rubber <thwak!>, and
then pulled a form from out of his pocket, slapped it on the bench in
front of the marine, and told him to sign it.

	The form merely said that the marine had stayed within ten feet
of the admiral during the tour and hence must have gotten the same
reading as the admiral and was free to go.

	There was much laughter at this time, but the marine was
noticably silent.  He was also noticably absent the next time that
admiral came aboard.

	Disclaimer: I didn't do it and I'll never do it again.

<Dan Sorenson, DoD #1066 |"There'll be angels on Ariels in leather>
<z1dan@exnet.iastate.edu | and chrome, Ridin' down from heaven    >
<viking@iastate.edu      | just to carry me home." -- R. Thompson >
< ISU thinks I need more education, which they provide for a fee. >



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