From: deviass@ecf.toronto.edu (Deviasse Robert)
Subject: Re: Weekend! What for???
Keywords: *cry*
Organization: University of Toronto, Engineering Computing Facility
Date: Sun, 22 Nov 1992 07:29:32 GMT

*de-lurk*

pcurtis@willamette.edu (Paul E. Curtis) writes:
> Well, lessee...

> I spent most of today lying in bed.  I woke up a few minutes ago to come down
> to the university computer lab, to work my five-hour shift as a lab assistant.
> This entails baking my brains underneath the flourescent lights, punctuated
> with occasional questions from those lab users kind enough to acknowledge my
> existence.  When my shift is over at 23:00, I'll go home (I live alone) and
> watch TV for a couple of hours.  Then I'll log into the school's computer
> every fifteen minutes or so, hoping against hope for some electronic mail to
> arrive in my box (it won't).   The last few weeks, I've been getting to sleep
> around 5:00, and I don't see why tonight should be any different.

> Tomorrow, I might do any number of things.  I could go on a joyride around the
> state of Oregon.  Alone.  I could drive up to Portland and shop for books. 
> Alone.  I could go to the laundromat and wash my clothes.  Alone.  I could do
> what I've been thinking of doing for months--go to the airport, plunk down my
> credit card, and buy a ticket to some faraway place where American Express
> won't find me after I fail to pay the bill (I'm thinking of Togo--American
> passport holders don't need a visa to go there, and the yellow fever
> certificate which I got for my African travels of a few months ago [alone] is
> still valid, so I shouldn't have any problems).  Needless to say, alone.

> I'd say my social life is in a shambles, except that I haven't got one.

> Apparently, it's not that I'm unattractive (although my pupils are dilated
> from the 20 milligrams of Prozac I take daily, for my dysthymia), or
> unhygenic, or unkind (I'm told that I'm a very compassionate man, and
> sometimes I belive it), or unintelligent, or uninteresting (I do tend to be
> pretty colorful, when I'm not feeling sorry for myself), or anything like
> that.  What I am, apparently, is unapproachable.  Almost nobody realizes how
> fuzzy and affectionate this kitty really is, beneath his sarcastic, mocking
> exterior.  I have a total of two close friends.  In my nearly 20 years of
> existence, I've never been anybody's best friend.  Nobody has ever sent me
> flowers.

> And I am alone.

> * * * * *

> Sorry to inject so much angst into what is usually such a happy newsgroup.

>						--Paul Curtis


You are definitely not alone. There are plenty of people in the world that feel
exactly as you do. They're all around, hiding behind their masks, hoping that
someone will approach them, too afraid to do the approaching for fear of 
looking like fools. Everyone has a story, and they're happy to tell it if
someone would only listen. Why not take a chance, and just talk to anyone -- 
especially if the person if the person is trying to hide in a corner. It
couldn't be worse that being alone all the time, and it might result in
new friendships. At the very least it will give you a more friendly 
reputation.

You say you keep hoping for email. Have you tried looking at soc.penpals?
There are a lot of bored people and people who are eager to write there.

Life is too short and precious to let it slip away. Above all, do something.
Don't worry about looking like a fool. We often tend to look at ourselves
more critically than we look at others. And even if you make a total fool
of yourself, people eventually forget. However, you won't forget lost
oppportunities. There is nothing more scary than looking back on your life
at the end of your life and thinking "If only I ..., but now it's too late."


Hope this helps, at least a little. And I'm sorry if I'm misreading you.


Good Luck, and Take care
   Robert (93% lurker)

*en-lurk*
-- 
/-------------------------------+---------------------------------------------\
| Robert N. Deviasse            |"The things that are not easily attained,    |
| EMAIL: g2devi@cdf.utoronto.ca |    are the things we cherish the most."     |
+-------------------------------+---------------------------------------------/