HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy)
Subject: Re: Food for thought for PJF
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 93 02:19:59 GMT

In article <1993Jan11.222006.20318@telesciences.com> srscnslt@telesciences.com (SRS Consultant) writes:
>
>	Hey, Finerty, just saw this on alt.quotations.  Thought you might find
>	it useful when they take you into one of the back rooms for further
>	questioning:
>
>
>"You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a
>reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating
>the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for
>independence."

i'll copy this down and point it out to the attorney general people when i
talk with them about pre-trial diversion on thursday. i'm sure they will
be amused.
--
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: More things Grendel has said
Date: 11 Jan 1993 18:06:54 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: stealth.intel.com

In article <C0p0uI.E1r@nmrdc1.nmrdc.nnmc.navy.mil> rdc30@nmrdc1.nmrdc.nnmc.navy.mil (LCDR Michael E. Dobson) writes:
                                                   ^^^
>In article <1inidfINNdeg@chnews.intel.com> bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton) writes:
>>In article <oTrgs*aV0@prolix.apana.org.au> dac@prolix.apana.org.au (Andrew Clayton) writes:
>>>Is Blair Real?
>>
>>Complex.
>>
>Irrational.

Transcendental.

				--Blair
				  "Is that an 'i' or a 'j'?"
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:43766 rec.humor:37506 rec.pets.dogs:15805 rec.pets:4226
From: carasso@Turing.ORG (Roger Carasso)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.humor,rec.pets.dogs,rec.pets
Subject: SMOKING
Date: 6 Jan 93 23:47:28 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,misc.jobs.offered,rec.humor,rec.pets.dogs,rec.pets
Organization: The Turing Project, Public Access Internet Host


Last week I went with some friends to the 50's Cafe for dinner.  They
*did* *not* have a smoking section.  There was smoke all around.

Luckily, they had something else -- a jukebox selector at every table,
and a restuarant full of people too cheap to put any money in.  Seeing
a perfect chance to piss off the smokers as much as they pissed me
off, I inserted 8 quarters... sat back... and delighted in the fact
that for the next half hour everyone in the restaurant would be
listening to the song "How much is that doggie in the Window"...

roger "ok, so my motives weren't that honorable"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: carasso@Turing.ORG (Roger Carasso)
Subject: WHY AMERICANS ARE GETTING STUPIDER
Organization: The Turing Project, Public Access Internet Host
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 18:42:12 GMT


FIRST THERE WAS EVERTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARDEN.

NOW...

in rec.pets mdorfman@hamp.hampshire.edu writes:
>
>She was a wonderful, noble cat, and taught us so much about love. 
  

EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM MY CAT.


NEXT WEEK: EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM MY PET ROCK.


carasso "sick of america"
.
.
From: bhoughto@sedona.intel.com (Blair P. Houghton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Kirkpatrick
Date: 7 Jan 1993 02:16:04 GMT
Organization: Intel Corp., Chandler, Arizona
NNTP-Posting-Host: stealth.intel.com

In article <1993Jan6.050506.26052@atlantis.uucp> aaron@atlantis.uucp writes:
>His writing, though, would make Gooley weep with joy.

Fire Gooleyweep With Me

				--Blair
				  "David Lynch is my most ardent plagiarist."
From: kontos@clipper.ingr.com (Thorne Kontos)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: My few Christmas gifts worth mentioning
Date: 7 Jan 93 18:12:03 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Intergraph Advanced Processor Division - Palo Alto, CA

> :     1) 2 Ren and Stimpy bootleg episodes never before seen on the
> :        tube. Yes, they are disgusting...have you buffed your pet
> :        lately? (Made in L.A.-close enough to being a foreign country)
> 
>   Oddly, I saw one of these on Nick last Saturday.  I have been 
> trying to boycott them since they canned Kricfalusi, but my daughter
> insisted we had to watch it.  They had the Dog Show episode which I
> had not seen before.  The character is named George... American.  For me,
> it was the big bulldog spitting out the eyeballs that really did it.
> That and, "He's the one who did it to me!  Kill him!"  "You're begging."
>   I thought they claimed they fired J K because they couldn't possibly
> show stuff like that?  Clearly a put-up job.
>   -- Clifton

    Well, I am surprised. I didn't think Dog Show would have made it to 
tube. I guess my only claim to fame is I saw it before everyone else.
There is one remaining episode, but that will see the light of the airwaves
soon, if the above is any indication. I have a friend in L.A. (he is an 
animator on the Simpsons-during the intro most of the couch scene gags are
his...), who told me that the day they fired J.K. almost all the staff
walked with him. Except for that hack Bob Camp. It is little wonder that
they are so desperate for new material that they would have to resort to
showing Dog Show to keep viewer interest levels high.
    The name is George Liquor...quite a character. 

Clifton, if your interested in the other episode, send me some E-mail,
and we can work something out. There is a brilliant German animation
recommending condom usage stuck on the tape, as well as a dubbed version
of a television evangalist called Preacher Fart...When you see the tape,
you'll understand completely...

                                                   Thorne K. Kontos
                                                   "Keeper of bizarre lore"
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: zippy@cs.brandeis.edu (Patrick Tufts)
Subject: Re: roomie
Organization: Brandeis University
Distribution: talk
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 08:00:47 GMT


I see two Waldos, and that's just in the preceding post.

--Pat "make that three"
From: operjfw@HYDRA.ROSE-HULMAN.EDU
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Pierre the Cat
Date: 5 Jan 1993 13:52:55 GMT
Organization: Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology
Reply-To: operjfw@HYDRA.ROSE-HULMAN.EDU
NNTP-Posting-Host: hydra.rose-hulman.edu

Pierre the Cat lives his life in constant fear - it's him against
the world, and everyone's out to get him. As a young cat he was
treated unfavorably, kicked we think. Now he won't come near.
Imagine the world through his senses:
A cold biting world, people nip at you from all directions, never
safe. I certainly feel for him, because of the stress he must feel.


And don't think we haven't tried to cure him, it is to far inbred
into his awareness. No amount of good treatment seems able to 
win him over. He lives as he dreams - alone.
From: gj156879@alfred.carleton.ca ( gj student 156879)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Short Drunken Confession
Date: 9 Jan 93 16:23:25 GMT
Organization: Carleton University

While in a drunken state beyond belief, my friend Craig admitted that
he didn't have pubic hair until he was 18.  
 
The great thing is, he doesn't remember having done it, and I'm
holding off telling him that we all "know" until he's in a vulnerable
state.
 
MOO HA HA.
 
                                        Nik
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy)
Subject: Re: Hooray! It came! It came! (AND SO DID I!)
Followup-To: misc.test,talk.bizarre,alt.personals,rec.pets,misc.misc
Summary: PUS DRINKING GAMES
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Keywords: I like it, babe. (THIS IS MORE THAN KEY WORDS, HOW IS 'IT' KEY?)
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 93 18:33:54 GMT
Expires: UH, I DON'T KNOW..

In article <C0r3zo.906@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> clarkl@mace.cc.purdue.edu (Leslie Clark) writes:
>	Well, finally, after two years of wondering and three weeks of
>unbearable itching agony, my first ever beard has filled out.  If I must
>say so myself, I think it looks rather dashing.  It's a coppery red
>color, with hints of gold when the sun shines through it the right way.
>It sets off my otherwise ridiculous curly blond hair nicely, making my
>head look a little less misshapen.
 
OK SURE , I'LL DO IT, SURE.

		CAN I FUCK YOU?
--
			PJF--->Biochem. grad student
			      PUBLIC ENEMY #1
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: rec.humor.funny (was: Newscaster of the Month)
Date: 8 Jan 93 11:35:31 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: William's Wonderful Wonky Widget Warehouse


In article <1993Jan7.182201.15209@lut.ac.uk> L.H.Wood@lut.ac.uk (Lloyd
Wood) writes:

#  Why do so many girls now want to date Westley Dodd?
#  
#  Because he's stiff AND well-hung (boom boom)
#  
#  Should I submit this to rec.humor.funny?


Yes.  Even better, don't post it in talk.bizarre. 
Thank you for your attention.

Ken Johnson
-- 
Son, all the pretty, intelligent, healthy     #    Ken Johnson, AIAI,
young women are taken. It's a basic rule of   #    80 South Bridge, Edinburgh
the universe, and if you don't like it, go    #    Tel 031-650 2756 
somewhere else.        -- my dad  1906-1992   #    Fax 031-650 6513
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: boutell@isis.cshl.org (Tom Boutell)
Subject: Thank You Roger
Organization: Cold Spring Harbor Labs
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 01:26:33 GMT

I have received an echo from a machine with "agate" in its name.
There is no greater joy.

-T

rock to wind a string around

-- 
Tom Boutell, boutell@cshl.org

Clausthaler is the best non - alcoholic beer in the known universe.
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: how one becomes drunk
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,sci.chem,sci.med,alt.drugs
Date: 8 Jan 1993 21:35:48 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov
Keywords: lemur

In article <1993Jan8.210655.17176@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (fun fun fun boy) writes:
>
>the point of this is that the molecule is lopsided. it is unbalanced. due 
>to brownian motion molecules are always moving in when in solution. but, 
>because the EtOH molecule is lopsided it swings sort of like a pendulum and 
>as such is always crashing in to other things, like the inside of your head 
>for instance. it this this banging around which makes you feel light headed 
>and sort of dizzy. it is also what causes the hangover you might get the 
>next day. it's really no surprise that peoples heads hurt the next day when 
>they had a lopsided molecule crashing around their head all night.

If this is indeed the mechanism which causes drunkenness, then one would
expect that the more lopsided the molecule is, the more rapidly it would
induce the effects.  You could easily test this out by drinking a variety
of alcohols which had a verying number of carbon atoms in the chain.  If
you became drunk faster on the alcohols that had a greater number of carbons,
then this would add support for your theory.
--scott
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: What new innovation, software or products do you want to see?
Date: 6 Jan 93 12:28:15 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620

In article <RSHOLMES.93Jan5135427@rodan.syr.EDU>, rsholmes@rodan.syr.EDU (Rich Holmes) writes:
etc. etc.
> Freeze-dried sarcasm.

Interesting list.

> - Rich Holmes
> "Grown men, he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of
> accumulated evidence about the way grown men behave, do not behave
> like this." -- Douglas Adams

Uh oh. You blew it. Minus several million for the Adams quote.

Jason
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: awells@lynx.dac.northeastern.edu (Andrew V. Wells)
Subject: yo
Keywords: nada, no reply
Organization: Northeastern University
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 22:16:07 GMT

As the awgers of anst were boffing their cormungons and elfing
their way to the cell nucleus to snarf some dna, they found
it wrapped up in histodomes and couldn't dientangle their prey.
And so the ribonucleases had their day, chomping away at the
awgers. Scandalously, the local antibody contingents were
kicking back eating lysozymes for lunch.
andy wells                          
awells@lynx.dac.northeastern.edu     
andyphys@northeastern.edu
From: 9021973@ul.ie
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Why they call me Bastard of 1993 here.....
Date: 8 Jan 93 00:59:36 GMT
Organization: University of Limerick, Ireland

For 9 months, my friend lived here -> X Dublin
and I lived here -.
                  |
                  |
                  `----------> X Cork

Also, my friend's ex-girlfriend lived in Cork for 3 months concurrently with
my existing there.

One weekend towards the end of my stay in Cork, I visited my friend. His ex
did also. He had since gotten another girlfriend in Dublin, but was still set
on the ex. I was introduced to the ex.


2 weeks later, his ex is my current. Bastard #1

<month after that [like this week-ish], his 'new' chucked him. Bastard #2

He returns tomorrow morn to college where I am also.

Life will be interesting :)


A rather pleased bastard.
-- 
.sigless workstation.....
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader)
Subject: Re: new!  from Mattel!
Summary: Yow
Originator: pv@gagme
Organization: Inline Software Creations
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 17:59:44 GMT

Silverio and Norskog write (in part):
>Crash-Test Pregnant Barbie!  Pull her string, and she says
>"Birth control is hard!"  Fling her into any hard surface, and
>she flies apart, her stomach opens, and her Crash-Test Fetus
>pops out!
You're having a bad trip. Take some Vitamin C and listen to 
soothing music. PV

P.S. I'm scared. Apparently, none of us are safe.
-- 
Paul Vader            systems analyst, hell's cavenewt, rollerblader,
pv@gagme.chi.il.us    FOAF, smartass liberal democrat
From: kontos@clipper.ingr.com (Thorne Kontos)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: 100% Weird
Keywords: TNT does it again...
Date: 9 Jan 93 19:04:48 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: Intergraph Advanced Processor Division - Palo Alto, CA


     Queen of Outer Space - starring Zsa Zsa Gabor...
     Check it out next time its on, you won't be disappointed...
 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cliftonr@netcom.com (Pope Clifton)
Subject: Re: Why is it?
Organization: t.b, t.p.d, & a.d
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 19:49:44 GMT

mathew (mathew@mantis.co.uk) wrote:
: [...]
: When her parents say that they're relieved that Helen and I aren't planning
: to get married, I still resent it.
: 
: Her parents say she's far too good to marry a miserable git like me.
: 
: mathew

  Perhaps they're just worried that you will make her give up her last name.
  -- Clifton

--
cliftonr@netcom.com     Home: +1 808 521 9073  Work: +1 808 625 3234
Clifton Royston, Pope of the Church of the Subgenius in Paradise
"Some lives are like that." - attributed to Mark. Gooley
From: osa@wilbur.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Cashiers
Date: 6 Jan 93 17:45:19
Organization: Springfield Elementary School
NNTP-Posting-Host: wilbur.unh.edu
Summary: I know you don't care but here it is anyway...
X-Advertisement: Use Emacs


Rob Dobson <rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU> writes:

Rob> "And you know what they make the coloring for cokes and pepsis
Rob> out of-- BUG JUICE"

I first read this as "BIG JUICE." 
--
The opinions expressed above are my own, and not necessarily those of UNH.

                               HUG ME!
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Politikally Korrekt ['re:' elided]
Date: 10 Jan 1993 22:28:04 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov

In article <1993Jan10.192653.5976@lut.ac.uk> L.H.Wood@lut.ac.uk (Lloyd Wood) writes:
>Special K is a British breakfast cereal for those of you who desperately want
>an enema. Why would carasso be on it, and is that why his posts are so
>tetchy?

Special K, I will have you know, is an American breakfast cereal.  Americans
invented breakfast cereal.  Mr. Kellogg, in fact, designed his original cereals
to prevent masturbation in young boys through proper nutrition.  Only an 
American could come up with an off-the-wall idea like that.  Later breakfast
cereals were designed primarily to use up wheat chaff which was cheap and in
great surplus.

For an excellent discussion of American breakfast cereals, read H.G. Wells'
Tono-Bungay.
--scott
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Angel of The Letter J")
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Short Shamed Confessions
Date: 8 Jan 93 23:36:28 GMT
Organization: Eaters of Wisdom
In-reply-to: gj156879@alfred.carleton.ca's message of 8 Jan 93 10:36:38 GMT

In article <gj156879.726489398@cunews> gj156879@alfred.carleton.ca ( gj student 156879) writes:
   I had a bubble bath using my girlfriend's strawberry bubble bath.
   I smelled like a strawberry.  I vaguely wondered if someone might
   think I was gay because I smelled like a small, red piece of fruit.

Not to worry.  REAL faggots smell like kiwi.
--

   Nihil tam absurde dici potest, quod non dicatur ab aliquo philosophorum.
Mark-Jason Dominus 	  			    mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pjm@isis.cshl.org (Pat Monardo)
Subject: Re: My Mother.
Keywords: kindergarten, hot wheels, crustaceans
Organization: Cold Spring Harbor Labs
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 18:58:32 GMT

In article <rhamilt.726592691@husc.harvard.edu> rhamilt@husc10.harvard.edu (Rowan Hamilton) writes:
>
>	Now I *would* say that my mother was a very subtle and very 
>intelligent woman, with a keen grasp of kindergarten social dynamics.
>After all, I was top dog amongst the other kids for days after, I was 
>The Guy That Ate The Giant Spider.

very nice. i am looking forward to hearing a cute summary
of your first grade experiences next. life is good.

-- 
-- Pat Monardo
-- pjm@cshl.org
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Finerty continues to dominate t.b. contests
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 21:32:03 GMT


fun fun boy is the lucky winner of free wig information, beating out
carasso by a couple hours. those of you lucky enuf to live in the dc
area can get their own by finding the coupon in last sunday's paper.
everyone send pat a nice message of congratulations.
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: how one becomes drunk
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,sci.med,sci.chem
Date: 11 Jan 1993 23:41:42 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
NNTP-Posting-Host: grissom.larc.nasa.gov
Keywords: lemur

In article <3580@accucx.cc.ruu.nl> verhaar@accucx.cc.ruu.nl (Henk Verhaar) writes:
>Watch it :) introducing chlorine groups or unsaturations 'next' to the
>hydroxy-group makes the compound reactive - an electrophile. While this
>doesn't mean reactive as in readily attacks other chemicals, this does mean
>not inert towards e.g. biomolecules. Apparently this effect accounts for the
>added toxicity of such compounds.

Yes, the excessive lopsidedness of such substances would make them more toxic.
I should point out, though, that in most cases, the toxicity of the alcohol 
itself isn't the problem, but the toxicity of the metabolic byproduct as the
body attempts to rid itself of the alcohol.

You can work out the oxidation reactions for the chlorinated alcohols yourself.
Some of the products of their oxidation are extremely vile looking, and are
definitely not things which I would want in my body.

The original question, however, was one of psychoactive effects and not one
of toxicity.
--scott
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (The Termite of Temptation)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: snow, snow, and more snow
Date: 9 Jan 1993 04:05:56 GMT
Organization: The Church of Pat
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <9301081751.15@rmkhome.UUCP> rmkhome!rmk@merk.com (Rick Kelly) writes:
*In article <73110@cup.portal.com> lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman) writes:
*>The news here in Northern California has headlined on a mother and
*>baby who spent 8 days in a snow cave in the Sierras while hubby went
*>tramping about to look for help. They all survived, despite having had no food.
*>
*>Disgraceful behaviour. Totally neglecting the esteemed Donner Pass tradition
*>for people marooned in winter in the Sierras, nobody ate anybody. Pfooee.
*
*Actually, they had a fairly steady supply of mother's milk.

But they could've had baby back ribs with it.


Mark "We're having you for dinner" Lippert
From: dsc3jfs@nmrdc1.nmrdc.nnmc.navy.mil (Jim Small)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Xmas report
Date: 7 Jan 93 23:01:10 GMT
Organization: Naval Medical Research & Development Command

Our favorite dude, rpwhite spewed:
>About a year ago I sold my Colt AR-15 Model SP-1 to some guy named"Manson" 
>in Cupertino. He gave me $1000 for the gun and several other interesting
>items. We did not exchange surnames or phone numbers since this was
>technically a felony in California.
>
>rp -- call and raise.
*Plonk*



-- 
I hate the 3B2
The 3B2 can bite me.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: thoth@uiuc.edu (Ben Cox)
Subject: Re: WHY ANIMAL OWNERS SHOULD BE SHOT ON SIGHT
Originator: ben@ipoint
Reply-To: thoth@uiuc.edu (Ben Cox)
Organization: Ancient Illuminated Sears of Bavaria
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 07:22:08 GMT
Keywords: thumper, nazi rabbit

shawn@thor.atd.ucar.edu (Shawn Copeland) writes:

>I didn't write this, but should have:

No; nobody should have.

--
Ben Cox
thoth@uiuc.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: carasso@Turing.ORG (Roger Carasso)
Subject: POEM
Organization: The Turing Project, Public Access Internet Host
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 20:08:54 GMT



Whom do you love best, enigmatic man, tell me?  Your father, your
mother, your sister or your brother?

-- Your friends? 
-- You are using a word whose meaning has remained unknown to me to this day. 
-- Your country? 
-- I don't know under what latitude it is located. 
-- Beauty?
-- I would gladly love it if it were a goddess and immortal. 
-- Gold?
-- I hate it as you hate God. 
-- Well, what do you like then, extraordinary stranger?
-- I like the clouds . . . the clouds that sail by . . . over there 
   . . . over there . . . the marvelous clouds!


carasso,
net.god
.
.
.