From: slarsen@berlin.helios.nd.edu (susan larsen)
Subject: Re: Self Appreciation (was: Re: Elle MacPherson causes rape?)
Organization: OUC, University of Notre Dame
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 16:16:17 GMT

In article <BxvvL0.FCI@apollo.hp.com> nelson_p@apollo.hp.com (Peter Nelson) writes:
>
>  And, as I pointed out in an earlier posting, while it's true
>  that we are all under social pressure to conform to certain
>  roles and behavior and consume certain products, that pressure
>  *can* be resisted!    Women have to face enough *genuine*
>  harassment and discrimination that it's alsmost criminal when
>  they actively promote a set of cultural values that further
>  denigrates them.   It's truly bizarre.  I'm at that age where
>  a lot of my friends have children and I see mothers in generation
>  taking their 9-year old girls out to get their ears pierced or
>  to buy makeup and jewelry, setting them out on the road to
>  becoming obediant little consumers preoccupied with conforming
>  to some artificial standard of beauty.   Last Christmas my
>  10 year old niece got a mall shopping game! 
>        
I agree completely with this on a personal level but.......

Bear in mind that there are very few societal rewards in 
resisting the mainstream.  It is indeed sad to see 9 yo girls 
getting indoctrinated at so early an age, but as a mother of 
an 11 yo girl I see daily the effects of peer pressure from 
more traditionally reared girls on my own daughter.  The 
question arises, am I fair in trying to rear my daughter in 
a non-mainstream fashion when she will have to compete with 
others of her kind who have been indoctrinated more fully 
in "the way we've always done it"?  If my daughter is not 
exposed to cosmetics, how will that impact her later in life 
when she goes around to job interviews, for instance?  Will 
her life really be "better" if she is raised to face down 
the system, or will her life be "better" if she is raised 
to exploit the system?   Whose life is "better" anyway?  
An Elle MacPherson as a master exploiter, using traditional 
notions of beauty to acquire wealth beyond most of our 
imaginations?  Or a Gloria Steinem?  Is it my job to judge 
that for my daughter?

If the people really wanted to buck social pressure, yes they 
could.  Practically speaking though, that pressure exists in 
the first place because people put it there.  I think most 
people would rather just shuffle along in life, never really 
questioning who they are and allowing the mainstream to define 
their existence.  Most folks don't much care for change and 
if they get activated, it will more often than not be to stop 
change, not forward it.  So, this creates a great social force, 
full of rewards and punishments, to maintain a status quo.  Am 
I doing a parental service to my child by pushing her to run 
counter to that force?  

The best I think I can do is to try to teach my daughter that 
she is a valuable person and a valued person and that she has 
every right to think for herself.  If she expresses a desire 
to own eyeshadow, I can explain why *I* may not care for the 
stuff but I will not forbid her to purchase it.  And, I will 
also have to teach her that whistle blowers are often per-
secuted and that smart girls sometimes stay home when pretty, 
made-up girls are asked out. And, I will teach her that she 
can ask out a boy instead of dolling up and waiting to be 
selected.   But, the most important thing I want to teach
her is that what really counts in the end is to be true to 
yourself.  Whether that self is a go along kind of gal or 
a raging rebel, I want that decision to be hers, not mine. 

Sue Larsen
slarsen@berlin.helios.nd.edu
Newsgroups: soc.women,alt.feminism,soc.men