HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: anon-1055@twwells.com (m&m)
Subject: Re: Self-defense class?
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 18:15:00 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

[Joanne asks if anyone has taken self-defense class]

Both Shelly & I are taking a self-defense class offered primarily/exclusively
for survivors of sexual abuse.  We've been in it for about 2 months now and
both of us love it.  I'll talk for myself as far as what I get out of it.
As much as working on self-defense issues I apprecidate the work on body 
awareness.  I am not sure of the 'school' of martial arts that the instructor 
is using (she is also a survivor), but about half of our class time is spent
on body awareness exercises, meditations, deep breathing exercises, stretching 
exercises.  This has been wonderful for me.  As far as the self defense part of
it goes I am also pleased with how I feel with it.  I never learned any formal 
fighting methods growing up & deep down have always felt a little afraid of
my ability to defend myself.  I've always thought my greatest strength was that 
I'm a better than average long-distance runner :) - I still think that!  The
self-defense part of the class has been a real boost to my confidence.  Even
more so for Shelly.

One recommendation is to try to find a class where the instructor is aware that
doing this kind of stuff puts people much more deeply in touch with themselves
and issues surface that have to be worked through.  Thats certainly been true
with Shelly & I.  good luck :)

Fare Well
Mike



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: syped@orca.alaska.edu
Subject: Re: Survivor in denial?
Organization: University of Alaska
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 21:12:26 GMT

In article <1992Sep2.144914.21624@csc.ti.com>, barbaraj@sacajawea.csc.ti.com (Heart Dancer) writes:
> In article <scott_silverstein-020992083933@lasagne.med.yale.edu>, scott_silverstein@yccatsmtp.ycc.yale.edu (Scot Silverstein) writes:
>>> Further followup to my previous posts about my (ex?)friend,
>>> 
>>> I think she's in denial about the effects on the abuse on her current
>>> situation and behavior.  She speaks disparangingly about therapy & to my
>>> knowledge has only been involved a few months.  Yet she spoke openly about
>>> the fact that she is a survivor.
>>> 
>>> Would it help re-establish communication if I dropped her a note indicating
>>> I had read "The Courage to Heal", "Allies in Healing", and saying I'd like
>>> to talk?
>>> 
>>> Opinions?
> 
> As a survivor, one of the areas which takes ongoing conscious attention is in
> the area of setting boundaries.  One of the most supportive things my friends
> cand do for me is to honor the boundaries when I set them.  This woman has 
> set a boundary.  
> 
> She does not want to speak with you right now.  If you persist trying to engage
> her in communication, no matter how well intended, you are (1) harrassing her
> and (2) communicating that within your friendship, her wishes are not
> as important as your wishes.  
> 
> No one of us can rush the process of recovery for ourselves, much less
> for anyone else.  We are all doing the very best we know how on this
> path to wholeness.  Sometimes I get frustrated with how other people
> are doing their recovery, as I'm sure people get frustrated with how
> I'm doing my recovery.  It seems like it's always about a zillion
> times easier to see the healthy choice for someone else, then to see
> it for myself and act on it, *especially* in relationships.
> 
> Bottom-line, my opinion is that you need to let go and let her make
> the next move.   
> 
> BJ
>  
> "If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution."
>                                         Emma Goldman
>
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: sorry
From: Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower)
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 05:18:47 GMT
Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand.

In article <BuJuCy.MI7@twwells.com> anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne) writes:
>
>i feel kind of responsible for the last flamewar.......but i ment what i
>said. I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do. Jesus i can't even tell
>myself what to do. all i wanted to do was let someone know that i cared
>about what happened to them. I *do* care Kirkket. The same as i would
>hope someone would do for me if i ever posted that i was seriously
>contemplating suicide. Please can we end this little war. i think it has
>hurt too many people..we lost Lydia over it and i for one will really
>miss her.
>
>I'm sorry i started this

To be honest, (IMHO) I think that what you said originally, was OK.

It was the sick person who reacted against what you said, that started
the flame war.

Even if your action was wrong: it is a lesser wrong to help someone,
and a greater wrong to encourage someone to die - with very rare and
extreme exceptions. (IMHO)


Gavin
-- 
Tomorrow's Society                              | flower_g@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
    Depends on                                   ----------------------------
Today's Children  - help us raise them properly! 
*******  These comments have no known correlation with dept. policy!  *******
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: for Crystal - friends who are enemies
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 22:23:28 GMT

Nancy Agnew (sasnla@shadow.unx.sas.com) wrote:

: I'm not sure I know what you mean about something bothering you, but
: the guy's action was insensitive at best, maybe better termed as
: disgustingly slimy.  There have been guys saying stuff like that
: forever, it seems.  There probably always will be.  I'm glad you
: challenged him by asking why he was approaching you.  That seemed
: like a real positive thing to do.

Hell, at least the guy was honest and upfront about what he wanted.  "All you
are to me is a hole I can use to get off inside."  Yes, it's slimy, yes, it's
degrading, but most men in this country are brought up to feel that it's OK
to use a woman's body soley for their own pleasure, and who gives a shit what
*she* wants, anyway?  Idiotic, I know, but at least it's better than what
most others do - say "I love you" play the right games, say the right things,
do the right things, just so they can "score".  How many guys have been
attentive, warm, loving, etc. until they sleep with you?
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: zwbm07@hou.amoco.com (Walter Moore)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Adults saying NO and other things
Date: 8 Sep 92 15:29:42 GMT
Reply-To: zwbm07@hou.amoco.com
Organization: Amoco

In article 162730SCG107@psuvm.psu.edu, <SCG107@psuvm.psu.edu> () writes:
>My partner will generally ask me yes/no questions, like "Is this okay?"
>Sad to say, on some occasions, I've fought down my feelings and said yes,
>even when it wasn't, because I was so scared to say no. And then I can't
>even tell him afterwards, because I know he won't understand and will be
>mad at me. I appreciate the concern and caring his questions imply, but
>sometimes I wish he wouldn't do it because it makes things seem even
>harder. And because I don't deserve anyone to care about my wishes. Isn't
>that awful???

EVERYONE is special in one way or another. and EVERYONE deserves care, concern and 
love. EVERYONE deserves at least one person to care about their wishes.


---
TTYL & TANSTAAFL ---------------- Walter Moore 
      Internet: zwbm07@hou.amoco.com

..SCUBA divers do it with depth...blub...blub...blub...
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: ftlao@acad3.alaska.edu (OSSANDER LINDA A)
Subject: Re: A physician's opinion on "jeff"
Organization: University of Alaska Computer Network
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 01:54:00 GMT

In article <BuJ3p6.Iq9@twwells.com>, anon-1203@twwells.com writes...
> 
>Regarding the post from "Jeff" with regards to suicide and to anyone
>who would defend it in any way whatsoever, let me say this.  You
>are basically evil people by nature.  Let that sink in for a moment.

I think you are being "WAY OUT OF LINE HERE".    1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. Oh I
will probably be sorry but I cannot stand back and watch this.


> 
>To those who have been frightened by this on ASAR, remember, there are
>a relative minority of basically evil people out there.  Those are the
>ones to be avoided in this life.  Life deserves to be filled by good
>people.
> 

Why don't we just call you * God * my anonymoous physcian...
I say people who live in glass houses have no damn business calling anyone else
names.  Because I spoke up does not make me evil. I say you sir have no balls
or you would not have posted anonymously.... 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10
Just think about it...
I have NEVER tried to justify what Jeff did as a matter of fact I donot agree
with it and he knows it!  But I still say some people here are acting like a
pack of dogs!  And if life was full of GOOD people would we have been molested
when we were children???  You tell me?????  And how GOOD are you calling people
evil??   I have not ever said I agree with what "Jeff" said and you have no
business coming forth as anoumous and calling me or anyone else who stated our
own opinion as evil...So YOU sir think about that for a bit and if you have
anything further to say to me please take it e-mail cause I would love to do a
few rounds with you.  Have a good day all...  

                          -Linda-
P.S. and damn proud of "Who I am...


Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1212@twwells.com
Subject: none
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 06:16:26 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

I wel .... wish to subcsribe to this service



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay (Crystal Bell)
Subject: Great, thanks for the good news Jasmyne
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1992 05:18:34 GMT

 Hey, that's great. I have some good news of my own. I have spent *ALL* 
summer, trying to find a job, any job. 
THere was one job I really wanted but I was sure that because the ad. said
"Experience Necessary" I wouldn't get it. So I applied for every other job
I could think of. (except fast food) Boy am I kicking myself...
I got the job that I wanted. (Security Guard) And to think I could have had 
it three months ago.  I think it makes me feel good to have control over 
something. seeing as I don't have any control over my subconcious. Or the 
nightmares, or the ...(well..... everything) I officially broke-up with My 
SO You have no idea how much better I feel. Not because I broke-up with him 
but more because I feel more like my own person. and what's even better is 
that I got a **REALLY** good friend out of it. I think we will probably get
back together. some-time later but I just need some time to deal with my 
past. 
A "friend" of mine propositioned me the other day, I asked him what was wrong
with his own girlfriend, (of three months) His reply really P___ed me off. 
He said "Because I value her too much." He was one of the first people who
ever knew about my sexual abuse. and he still had the nerve to say that to me
It really hurt. I was ready to Bag him but he lives right next door and could
*VERY* easily make my life a living hell.  And probably would too.
There is something bothering me but I don't quite know what it is do you know
what I mean? 
                        
TTYL

                                        **Crystal**
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: to jeff sorry for the waste
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 17:49:12 GMT

poohbear (anon-1160@twwells.com) wrote:

: accusing.  i'm just telling you my impression, becaus ei am such a 
: pathetically paranoid person.

God, aren't we all at times? :)

: sorry again for the intrusion to asar

Oh, stop that! <warm smile>  You have just as much right as anyone else to
be here!
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: twh73@isuvax.iastate.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Self defense classes
Date: 13 Sep 92 03:23:40 GMT
Reply-To: twh73@isuvax.iastate.edu
Organization: Iowa State University, Ames, Iowa

I just was browsing through this newsgroup when I noticed that there are a 
lot of people mentioning self defence classes.  I would strongly recommend
anyone of any size take them.  I am a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon
Do, almost a black belt in Hapkido, and I teach Tae Kwon Do and self defense.
Most would say that I don't need to learn it, I am 6' tall, 195#, and am told
that I can gappear menacing.  But I take it anyway.  What you learn is not 
just physical, it develops you in many ways.  Just though I'd give my opinion.  If you are thinking about taking one, I strongly encourage it.  Any questions,  feel free to email me at stiletto@iastate.edu.  Later.


stiletto
From: root@khijol.UUCP
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: post
Date: 11 Sep 92 07:21:10 GMT

X-ANON-Version: 0.4



In Article 5489 of alt.sexual.abuse.recovery Crystal Bell says
>    [ info about Crystal Bell's relationship with her mother deleted ]

> (OOPS 's') in the hospital) I decided that in My mind The woman had died. 
> Something in my mind and heart wouldn't let me. I called her a week ago 

that is not unusual.  After years of subtle conditioning by society that
we must love our parents NO MATTER WHAT, it is hard to reconcile that
programming with reality sometimes.

> Guess What??? 
> 
> Are we surprised? she had taken off. 
> After all the crap she had put me through why on earth should I feel guilty
> about changing my unlisted phone number? (Actually i moved but that's
> not the issue) And making everyone who has it promise not to give it to her.
> I shouldn't feel guilty. after all she has NEVER ,EVER been there for me 
> when I needed her. Through any of the sexual abuse, Hell a lot of it was 
> her fault. She was the one who allowed her boyfriend to sell me. 
> 
> Why do I feel guilty?????

Because you were told by society (directly and in subtle ways) that all parents
*especially mothers* were good.  Even when that runs smack up against reality
it is still hard to forget those instructions that were blasted into your
mind by well meaning teachers, preachers, etc.  Even some not so well meaning
advertisers get into the act.  So when your actions conflict with all those
years of messages, there is a problem and you begin to wonder...

The natural inclination of most people is to be there when someone needs them,
forgive others for many things if they are in pain and NEED you, etc.  This  is
hard to let go of even if there is cause.

And I SEE NO REASON that you should feel guilty! 

> 
>                                         Sorry for rambling. 
Rambling, what rambling?? :-)
>                                         **Crystal**
> 
> 
Thanks for sharing...
Taylor W. Mohrle		khijol!twm@saturn.upl.com

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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: none
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date: 14 Sep 1992 07:35 EST  

In article <BuDBn8.K29@twwells.com>, anon-1222@twwells.com (raindrop) writes...

>like he's sabotaging me! I have told him what kind of emotional support I need
>from him, etc., and he keeps saying that he's going to help me, that he WANTS
>to help me, and so on, but he keeps doing those stupid things and he tells me
>that he doesn't know why!!! He says he doesn't want to do them, but why does
>he keep on doing them, then?

Through this process you are going to change.  A lot of people don't like 
change in the abstract, and *definitely* don't like the people around them 
to change.  Perhaps that is what he is consciously or unconsciously afraid 
of, so he is fighting against change.

>  What can i say to him? What can I do? 

Keep talking.  That's the only thing I can suggest.  Let him know that he 
is important to you, that you love him, but that your healing is *also* 
important to you.  

Gentleness to all
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: First post; plea for advice/support
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1992 22:12:58 GMT

Teresa Kline (aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov) wrote:

: If you can, lighten the load a little.  If nothing else...take a vacation.  
: I haven't had one in well over a year, and it shows.

Go take a vacation, Teresa.  But stay away from Hawaii... :)

Up the Northern coast of California (north of SF) is very nice this time
of year.  Monterey is very pretty, too.  Or perhaps finding a grove of redwood
trees and sharing with them for a while would do some good...
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay (Crystal Bell)
Subject: Who knows?
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 22:54:01 GMT
From: tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: good news
Date: 11 Sep 92 16:22:45 GMT

anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne) writes:
> thought i'd post some good news as a change of pace.  :)
> 
> as of tomorrrow (Friday) i begin working on my first show!!!!
> I am an aspiring set/sound designer and i work in the sound booth as one
> of my workstudy jobs.......they're letting me design the sound for the
> first Studio production!!
> *VERY VERY VERY HAPPY*

Grrreat! (wow, good news on ASAR.....what a nice change!)

congrats and let us know how it goes!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: late at night
From: Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower)
Date: Mon, 7 Sep 1992 00:26:11 GMT
Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand.

In article <krikket.7463@meltdown.chi.il.us> krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick) writes:
[...]
>Don't worry about rambleing too much...  I'm the one who rambles too often when
>posting here... :)  (If you don't beleive me, read the next post...)

Nah!  I'm going to disagree with you quite happily!  I think/feel that
you should post here as much as you want to.  Your posts show that you
are expressing somethings that are doing you good to express.  You
also seem to be growing in confidence, although this may not yet be
apparent to you.  Yes, I read your next post, before I replied to this
one! 


Gavin
-- 
Tomorrow's Society                              | flower_g@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
    Depends on                                   ----------------------------
Today's Children  - help us raise them properly! 
*******  These comments have no known correlation with dept. policy!  *******
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: bob@reed.edu (Robert Ankeney)
Subject: Re: CHAPTER 3...
Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 21:49:56 GMT


Hmmm.  The mysterious Angela Watson appears again.  I couldn't help but notice
and point out the fact that this is a *support* group.  It's charter is quite
clear.  In my opinion, people who wish to be supportive are more than welcome
here.  That's the reason people post here.  When someone is so obviously
unsupportive, as Jeff has shown one other time, I think it appropriate that
anyone object if they want.  I don't know what's going on with Jeff.  I see
some very mixed messages posted from him.  As I don't know what's going on
with you, Angela, aka Psycho Kitten, aka whatever.  If you're out to play
games with the heads of the people here, I suggest you take your games
elsewhere.

     Robert

-- 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Robert Ankeney                 | "Yield and overcome.                |
...!tektronix!reed!bob         |  Bend and be straight.              |
...!tektronix!bob@reed.EDU     |  Empty and be full."    - Lao Tzu   |
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1210@twwells.com (Myrtle)
Subject: DAMN
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 04:54:20 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


Oh botheratiion ... and a few DAMNS thrown in for good measure ...

just when I need someone to talk with the system goes done ... that is down
and the editor goes berserk on me ... and ...

and here I was thinking that I could read the damned newsgroup but I cannot 
even do that ...

email only is readable at this moment ...shit and damnation ... and oh hell
a few d.... sod its thrown in for good measure ...

no I won't do anything stupid but I hurt like hell ...

and I feel bluer than my anon name ...

Myrts ... Myrtle ... as in periwinkle ...the flowering kind



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery