From: karen.van.hoek@um.cc.umich.edu
Newsgroups: soc.feminism
Subject: Safe space for men
Date: 13 Dec 1992 03:13:09 GMT
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: remarque.berkeley.edu
Originator: muffy@remarque.berkeley.edu

In article <24381@alice.att.com> jj@alice.UUCP (jj, curmudgeon and all-around gr
ouch) writes:
>I do not mean to deny the fear of a female among strangers who
>might be threatening.  I must also insist that the fear of the
>male being mistaken ("Excuse me" "SCREAM, HELP POLICE", <arrest>,
>"I only wanted to tell her she dropped her purse". Don't laugh
>it happens every day) for an agressor, for instance, is as real and
>as painful for most people. 
 
I think I'd need to see a bit more explanation of this comment before I could
accept it, because my first reaction was, "You've got to be
kidding!" and my second reaction was to feel very angry.  "as real and
as painful"???  Give me a break.  I can't go out for a walk late at 
night for fear some thug will assault me.  I have to plan where to 
park my car, whether it's safe to go to the market at night, and 
whether I can go for a walk in The Arboretum, all based on fear of
being assaulted.  I would very much like to see documentation that
men's lives are as severely curtailed as women's, due to fear that
women will mistake them for rapists. 
 
This general issue -- that many or most white men don't realize how 
bad it is to live in fear of violent assault -- is extremely painful
and angering to many women.  It isn't just annoying, it really
_hurts_ when a man gives a woman unthinking advice like, "The
best way to avoid getting stressed out about your dissertation is
to take regular walks around the block.  Like, if you're working all
night, go out for a walk at midnight, and then again at, say, 3
a.m.  It really refreshes your mind."  This is the advice a woman
friend of mine got from a male friend a few weeks ago; she was
so stunned that she told me about it.  It _hurts_ to realize that
not only are we planning our lives around fear of violent attack,
but that to the men who interact with us daily, our fear and
our sense of imprisonment is invisible.  We're locked in jail,
and the men who see us every day don't even notice.  Advice like
"go for a walk at three a.m." isn't just stupid, it's downright
_cruel_ -- like taunting someone in a jail cell about how good
it would be for them to spend a week at the beach.  The fact that
the cruelty is unthinking doesn't make it much better; all that
means is that these men are oblivious to the reality of our lives. 
 
I'd like some clarification of what this comment meant, or
some documentation that it's "as real and as painful" in the
sense of causing the same amount of suffering as that 
inflicted on women.   Most of all, I'd like some more 
sensitivity to the fact that we women are living in a
state of siege.
 
Karen


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