From: mmmirash@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu (Mandar M. Mirashi)
Subject: Re: So why not just say "hi?"
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 10:53:17 GMT
Distribution: alt.culture.us.asian-indian
Organization: Engineering Computer Network, University of Oklahoma, Norman, OK, USA

>In article <BHATTACH.92Dec9133629@tazboy.jpl.nasa.gov> bhattach@tazboy.jpl.nasa.gov (Bidushi Bhattacharya) writes:
>
>I was just walking back from lunch and passed yet another II/IA who avoided eye contact
>and didn't say "hi."  Is it my imagination, or do some Indian people develop an intense
>interest in the nearest sidewalk/wall when another Indian passes?
>

As an II, I think that I can give you an explanation. (I hope II's are
allowed to express their views on this newsgroup). In India, a person
greets another only if he knows that person well enough. So, the
person whom you saw, was most probably an II. That "sudden disinterest"
comes from feeling uncomfortable with making prolonged eye contact with
a total stranger. 

    When I came to the US in summer, I was surprised at the "friendliness"
of the people here. Most people I made eye contact with said "hi".
Initially, I thought that saying "hi" was a custom followed by most
Americans when they see each other on the street. Much to my dismay,
this assumption proved to be false. I felt like an utter fool when I
said "hi" to some Americans and they gave me a weird look. I hadn't
actually established prolonged eye contact with them, before greeting
them with a "hi". Well, these experiences have made me highly 
uncomfortable about the appropriate time that a person should say "hi". 
Also, I find it a bit awkward to solicit eye contact. Some
Americans have learnt that II's and foreigners do not say "hi" as
freely as they do, and so, they too avoid eye contact. Now I am
totally befuddled! 

           Should I say "hi" to this person I can see coming
towards me from far off, or shouldn't I? How long should I wait before
saying "hi"? Should I smile as well? Should I try to establish eye
contact? How much eye contact is necessary to make a greeting necessary?
Are there different norms for men and women? What if the person whom
I greet, doesn't respond? Should I wait for the person to say "hi"
beforehand, or should I take the initiative?

         Rather than make a quick decision on an answer to each of
these questions mentioned above, in the brief interval of time that
I first spot a person to the time he passes me by, I prefer to take
the easier way out. Avoid ALL eye contact with strangers. Note that
the above questions would not arise, if the person concerned were
an acquaintance of mine.

       If someone could help me out with those questions, I would be
highly obliged. However, it will take me a long time to reconcile
myself to the habit of saying "hi" to complete strangers. I find it
most unnatural to my upbringing.

      Suggestions welcome......


                                      Thanks,
                                                          Mandar.
-- 
"Imagine there are no countries. It isn't hard to do. Nothing to kill or die 
 for, and no religion too. Imagine all the people living life in peace.
 You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope that some
 day you'll join us, and the world will be as one." - John Lennon.