From: ensalada@cats.ucsc.edu (Kevin Charles Rubio)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.red-dwarf
Subject: Re: Red Dwarf Quotes Corrections [Again]
Date: 13 Nov 1992 06:41:16 GMT
Organization: University of California; Santa Cruz
Reply-To: keeper@deeptht.armory.com
NNTP-Posting-Host: si.ucsc.edu




 
Here we go again... fixing the same wrong quotes we always have to fix.
Why does no-one ever erase the ones we point out are wrong?
 
Why do people quote things incorrectly in the first place?
 
Hmph.
 
All of these corrections were done using the video.  Sometimes the
quotes were a bit dodgy in my memory, so I didn't bother to check
if they were in fact correct.  At certain times, I just corrected
major punctuation and grammar errors.
 
I have been working on this for seven hours so far.  Twice in my
review stage, I have gotten near the end and had a power failure.
So, now, I will start the review for the third time.  Smeg off.
 
I hope I've found all the typoes I made.  It's unlikely, though.
The third time around, I just glazed over everything I wrote,
concentrating on deleting everything unnecessary, and getting this
whole thing finished.  The third time is finished, now, and I will
save it.
 
It's finished.  Thank, er... whom should I thank?  Thank me.
 
 
>[Holly trying to help Lister recable the damaged Hollogram suite]
 
Misspelled `hologram'.
 
The quote is from "Queeg."
 
 
>'Purple alert! Purple alert!' - Holly
 
This is from "Dimension Jump," if I'm not mistaken.  She goes on to say
that the problem is the big wibbly swirly thing out of which comes `Ace'.
 
 
>'Rude alert! Rude alert! A [I forgot] has [I forgot] my voice-recognition
>unicycle! Many Wurlitzers are missing from my database! Abandon shop! This is
>not a daffodil! This is not a daffodil!' - Holly
 
Firstly, this is from "Demons & Angels."
 
As for the [I forgot] parts... well, since it was I who posted the quote
in the first place, I still don't recall!  But I'll pop in the tape, assuming
it isn't being borrowed at the moment, and see.
 
"An electrical fire has knocked out my voice-recognition unicycle."
 
Also, she says the word `repeat' before repeating "This is not a daffodil."
 
If you like, you can add Rimmer's response:
"Well, thankfully, Holly's unaffected."
 
 
>'The phrase `cargo bay doors' does not appear to be in my lexicon.' - Holly
 
This also is from "Demons & Angels," but I don't see the point in including
it, since it's not a funny line.  It was posted because it was a line possibly
useful for sampling into a computer to use as an error response.
 
 
>'You guys have got to be yanking my chain!' - Lister
 
As was that, which also is from "Demons & Angels."
 
 
>'Lister, if two people came to you  for a job, and one of them's dead, which
>one would you choose?' - Rimmer
 
Errrm... "Future Echoes," I believe.  Lister says after the "You livies
hate us deadies" line that "If I'm going to go back to Earth, I'm going
to have to go into stasis."  The quoted line is part of that conversation,
so it must be from FE.
 
 
>Cat (after coming out of the closet): 'He won't find that one, not until he 
>changes his boots.' (sees Lister, covers his face): `Did you see him clearly?
>Did you get a good look at his face? Could you spot him in a parade?' I don't
>think so -- that could have been anybody!"
 
From "Me^2."
 
 
>'Spin my nipple-nuts and send me to Alaska!' - Kryten
 
Ooh, tough one...  I believe "Screw down my diodes and call me Frank" was
in "Camille" and this one was from "Justice."  However, it could be the
other way around.  Time for another tape check...  Tape needs rewinding.
A lot of rewinding.  Getting there now.  Well, I'm at "Camille" now.
Will get there pretty soon.  "Pretty soon? How long is that? What'll we
do 'til then??"  Oops -- wrong show!  Here we are.
 
Guess what -- it >was< the other way around.  "Spin my nipplenuts and
send me to Alaska" is in "Camille."
 
 
>'Rimmer, real dumplings, proper dumplings, when they're properly cooked to
>perfection, proper dumplings should not bounce!' - Lister
 
Erm... the episode where the skutters were John Wayne fans... aha!
 
It's from "Better Than Life."
 
 
>Rimmer: 'You're totally egocentric, you flee at the first sign of trouble,
>	you always look out for Number One, you're vain, you're narcissistic
>	and you're self-obssessed.'
>Cat:    'Hey, you just listed all my best features!'
 
Cat doesn't say "Hey."
 
Misspelled `self-obsessed'.
 
This is from "D.N.A."  Rimmer was explaining why he doesn't want to search
the derelict ship with Cat.
 
 
>'You didn't have the right parents, whose parents did you have?'
 
Those two phrases cannot be joined with a comma.  Make them separate questions.
 
 
>Cat: "Fish!"
>Computer: "Today's fish is trout allagrete. Enjoy your meal!"
 
That's "Trout a la creme," surely.
 
 
>'Emergency. Emergency. There's an emergency going on. It's still going on. It's
>still an emergency." - Holly
 
This is followed up with "This is an emergency announcement."
 
 
>'That's mine, that's mine, that's mine, someone else can have that piece of
>floor, that's mine, and that's mine.  Oooh, I made a lot of things mine, all
>I need now is a woman.' - Cat
 
This is completely and utterly wrong.
 
 
>"This is mine; that's mine [etc.]; I'm claiming all this as mine ...
> except that bit.  I don't want that bit.  But all the rest of this
> is mine!  Hey, this has been a good day!  I've eaten five times, I've
> slept six times, and I'd made a lot of things mine!  Tomorrow I'm going
> to see if I can't have sex with something!"
 
This is completely and utterly correct.
 
 
>Lister: Love is what separates us from the animals
>Rimmer: 'No, Lister -- what separates us from animals is that we don't use our
>        tongues to clean our own genitals.'
 
Delete `the'.
 
 
>Holly:  Busy, Dave?
>Lister: Well, yeah.  I am, actually.
>Holly:  Oh, then you won't want to know about the two supra-light
>        speed fighters that are tracking us.
 
Besides lack of necessary punctuation (commas, which I have included),
that should be `super-light-speed' or maybe `super-lightspeed'.
 
 
>Holly:  For your crimes against humanity.
>Lister: Me what!?
 
That's "You what?"  I know it sounds like it shouldn't be, but it's
a normal phrase in the dialect.
 
Also, it's "North Western ..." what he says.
 
 
>        money except you and NorWEB.
 
In the previous line to this, `nobodies' should be `nobody's'.
 
 
>Holly:  You left a light on in the bathroom.  So the final demand
>        is for one hundred and eighty billion pounds.
 
"I've got a final demand here for..."
 
 
>`Mr Arnold' isn't even his name.  His name's `Rimmer'; or `Smeghead'; or
>`Dinosaur breathe'; or `Molecule Mind'.  And if you want to be really
 
Misspelled `breath' -- that's odd, because it's usually `breathe' that
people misspell.
 
What's worse is that this quote is taken from one of my posts.  When I make
a stupid error like that, I always see it when the post comes up in my read
cycle, and the mistake haunts me.  It's possible that I didn't catch this
one, but I doubt it, since `breath/breathe' is one of my 4200 peeves about
native English writers' lack of ability to write.  So, apparently, someone
has been stupid, changing the correct spelling into an incorrect spelling.
 
 
>Lister: 'Everybody thought the lamb was the cheese, and that lemon meringue
>        pie, man, what was in that?'
>Rimmer: 'I thought you liked that - you brought some back.'
>Lister: 'Yea, I wanted to try some on my athlete's foot!'
 
Misspelled `yeah'.  (`Yea' is an entirely different word.)
 
Also, `Everyone'
 
 
>'You're a stupid, square headed, bald git, aren't you? I pointed at you, yes, I
>pointed at you, but I'm not actually addressing you, I'm addressing the one
>prat in the country who's gotten a hold of this recording, turned it around,
>and actually worked out the rubbish I'm saying!  What a poor, sad life he's
>got!  Frankly, your act's crap.  Anyway, anybody could have done it, I hate
>the lot of you!  Bullocks to you!' - Club Owner
 
A few things wrong here...
 
"You are" -- not "You're."
 
Oh, hell, I'll just type it up.
 
"You are a stupid, square-headed, bald git, aren't you, eh?  [there is a cut
here]  I'm pointing at you, yes, I'm pointing at you, but I'm not actually
addressing you; I'm addressing the one prat in the country who thought he
could get hold of this recording, turn it round, and actually work out the
rubbish that I'm saying.  What a poor, sad life he's got!  [there is a cut
here]  Frankly, your act's crap, anyway -- anybody could have had it.  I hate
the lot of you!  Bollocks to you!"
 
oh yes -- note the spelling of `bollocks', also.
 
Remember, I have this bit in reverse video, too, so can see the guy's mouth
move.  That helps in deciphering what is said.  Besides which, I've performed
this bit for people when I haven't the video with me ... I do rather know it.
 
 
>'This isn't a meal, this is an autopsy!' - Cat
 
Just another grammatical note: A comma is incorrect there.  Use a dash.
(Reason: Independent clauses and phrases never are joined into a single
sentence by means of a comma.  A dash is used here instead of a semicolon
to insure that the reader knows that `this' and `this' refer to the same
thing -- a semicolon might suggest that they're different things.)
 
 
>'Isn't it about this time your head goes back to the lab for re-chewing?'
 
That's `re-tuning'.  This error is caused by the average American not
knowing that `toon' and `tune' are pronounced differently.  There was
a stage bit for an AIDS benefit that had Ed Asner in it which made fun
of this.  He was supposed to be reading a card, auditioning for the job
of announcer.
 
Ed Asner: "Ladies and gentlemen, some very exciting news now--"
 
Stephen Fry: "I'm sorry, have you got a misprint on yours? That should
              say `news' -- `very exciting news'."
 
Ed Asner: "Right, `very exciting news'."
 
Stephen Fry: (turns to the stage-left wing) "Yes, I wasn't informed that
             this one had a speech impediment.  Oh, is he?  I see.
             (turns back to Ed)  I understand you're American..."
 
 
>factor - 91%.  Advise repair schedule:- off line for 36 hours, re-boot
 
`:-' is stupid and nonsensical.  Use just the colon.
 
 
>Kryten: 'She looks like your cousin?  What happened, was she in some 
>	kind of horrible accident?'
 
"Camille looks like your sister-in-law?  What happened?  Was she involved
 in some kind of horrific car accident?"
 
"Who? Janine?  No, of course not -- she was a model!"
 
"And she looked like Camille?"
 
"Absolutely!  The resemblance is uncanny!"
 
"What did she model? Spark plugs?"
 
 
>        - Kryton to Camille
 
Misspelled `Kryten'
 
 
>'He's got droid rot, He's waving a banana in front of my face and calling it an
>aardvark.' - Rimmer
 
"He's got mad droid disease. He kept waving a banana in front of me and
 calling it a female aardvark."
 
Also, the "Smeeeeeeeeeeeee Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea" is not just in
"Camille," but in "Quarantine," too.
 
 
>Lister: Kryten, we eat, we sleep -- that's our way of recharging.
 
"and sleep -- that's"
 
 
>Kryten: Hmm.  Ah yes, now I wanted to talk to you about something.
>        Something about, um, well, something I know we humans get a
>        little embarassed about.  It's a bit of a taboo subject.  Not
 
`embarrassed'
 
 
>Kryten: Well, I wanted to talk to you about my penis.  I knew it,
 
`want' -- not `wanted'
 
 
>        Are you seriously telling me there were choices, and someone
>        said `Ah, there, that's it.  That's the shape we're looking
>        for: The last chicken in the shop look'?  Shakespeare had one?
 
last-chicken-in-the-shop look
 
 
>Kryten: Well, nothing in particular sir.  I was just idlely flicking
 
`idly'
 
 
>        through an electrical appliance catalog.  I came across the
>        section on super-deluxe vacuume cleaners and suddenly my
 
`vacuum'
 
 
>Lister: You see man, you're neither one nor the other.  You shouldn't
 
"neither one thing or the other."
 
 
>Kryten: It was a triple-bag easy-glide vac with turbo-suction and a
>        self emptying dustbag.
 
"self-emptying dustbag."
 
 
>Lister: Kryten, I don't care what model it was.  No vacuum cleaner
>        should give a human being a double polaroid.  Do yourself a
>        favor man, change back.
 
"favour, man"
 
 
>Kryten: Back?  Become one of those poor sappy sad act mechanoids again?
 
"sad-act mechanoids"
 
 
>        greatest joke?  Huhuh.  I've got another one.  Ever heard of
>        the mechanoid peeping-Tom?  [Looks under own hospital gown]
 
Looks repeatedly, like a machine.
 
 
>Cat:    Man, this is a totally wacked out idea.  It's never going to
 
"wacked-out idea"  (please, humans: differentiate between noun and adjectival
usage)
 
 
>Kryten: 'The question is, how do we turn him back?'
>Rimmer: 'No, the question is, do we want to?' 
 
He doesn't say `no'.
 
 
>Convict: No weapons?
>Lister:  No weapons.
>[they advance on the gangway]
>Convict: (pulling out a knife) I lied.
>Lister:  So did I. (Smiles as he whips out a steel pipe)
>Convict: (pulls out a gun) I lied twice. (A short bayonet slides out the end
>	 of the gun)
 
This is not quite right.
 
(As I have pointed out twice before.)
 
"You have no weapons?"
"No.  You have no weapon?"
"No. [they advace] Guess what. [pulls out a knife] I lied."
"Guess what. [pulls out a length of pipe] So did I."
"But I lied ... [pulls out a gun with bayonet] ... twice."
"I didn't think of that."
 
(the bayonet doesn't actually come out of the gun until later, when
 he says he wants to talk about "Your death -- your imminent death.")
 
 
Damn it, there was something else which I had corrected, but since the
latest power outage, I went right through it.  It was Cat's talk about
"it went B&W" ...  Spell out "black and white" -- no hyphens, because it's
not modifying.  The version of the quote used is one of mine, but I was
making a correction of other parts of the text at the time, and used `B&W'
to save my fingers (it is painful for me to type).  I expected that people
would be intelligent enough to know I used `B&W' just to glaze over a correct
part in the quotation I was fixing, not as a correct way to write the term.
I keep forgetting to put you all on the intellectual level of domestic
science teachers.
 
 
>'A superlative suggestion sir, with only two flaws: one, we don't have any
>defensive shields and two, we don't have any defensive shields. I know that,
>technically, that's only one flaw, but it was such a big one I thought I'd
>mention it twice'  -    Kryten (in response to the Cat's suggestion that they
>                        drop the defensive shields)
 
Actually:
 
"A superlative suggestion, sir, with just two minor flaws.  One: We don't
 have any defensive shields, and two: We don't have any defensive shields.
 Now, I realise that, technically speaking, that's only one flaw, but I
 thought that it was such a big one it was worth mentioning twice."
 
 
>Binks:	Binks to Enlightenment, have arrived on the derelict.  Confirm initial	
>speculation, there is absolutely nothing of any value or interest here.  It's o
e of the old class II ship-to-surfs one of the old class II ship-to surface vess
ls, the very model in fact that 
>was withdrawn due to major flight design flaws.  Crew, three.  One series
>4000 mechanoid, almost burnt-out give maybe three years.  Ah, Felis-Sapiens,
>bred from the domestic house cat and about half as smart.  Uh, no value in
>future study of this species.  What have we here?  A human being, or a very
>close approximation!  Chronological age, mid 20's, physical age, 47.
>Grossly overweight, unnecessarily ugly, otherwise would recommend it for the
>museum, apart from that of no value or interest.
 
Actually:
 
"Binks to Enlightenment. Have arrived on the derelict. Confirm initial
 speculation: there is absolutely nothing of any value or interest here.
 It's one of the old Class II ship-to-surface vessels -- the very model,
 in fact, that was withdrawn due to major flight design flaws. Crew: three.
 One Series 4000 mechanoid, almost burnt out. Give it maybe three years.
 Nothing of salvagable value.  Ah, Felix-Sapiens -- bred from the domestic
 housecat, and about half as smart. No value in future study of this
 species.  What have we here? A human being, or a very close approximation.
 Chronological age: mid-20s. Physical age: 47. Grossly overweight,
 unnecessarily ugly, otherwise would recommend it for the museum. Apart
 from that, of no value or interest."
 
"Lister to Red Dwarf. We have in our midst a complete smegpot. Brains in
 the anal region. Chin absent, presumed missing. Genitalia small and
 inoffensive. Of no value or interest."
 
"Binks to Enlightenment. Evidence of primitive humour. The human has
 knowledge of irony, satire and imitation. With patient tuition could,
 maybe, master simple tasks."
 
"Lister to Red Dwarf. Displays evidence of spoiling for a rumble. Seems
 unable to grasp simple threats. With careful pummeling could, possibly,
 be sucking tomorrow's lunch through a straw."
 
"Binks to Enlightenment. The human is under the delusion that he is somehow
 able to bestow physical violence to a hologram."
 
"Lister to Red Dwarf. The intruder seems to be blissfully unaware that
 we have a rather sturdy holowhip in the munitions cabinet. Unless he
 wants his derriere minced like burger meat, he'd better be history in
 two seconds flat."  (eats cigarette, removes his jacket)
 
"Binks to Enlightment. Recon mission complete. Transmit. With speed.
 Enlightment, quickly, please."
 
 
>'Rimmer, they're a bunch of arrogant, pompous, emotionally wierd, stuck up
 
`weird'
 
 
>'Sir, I beg you to reconsider.  If not for your sanity, you haven't even
>considered the moral implications of your decision.  You will be joining a
>society where you will be compelled to have sex with beautiful woman twice
>daily, on demand.  Now, am I the only one here who finds that just a little bit
>tacky? .... well, quite clearly I am.' - Kryten
 
"beautiful, brilliant women"  (note `women' instead of `woman')
 
"am I really the only one"
 
 
>'You must remember that he is operating on a completely different level to us
>now.  To him, we are the mental equivalent of domestic science teachers.'
 
"we are the intellectual equivalent"
 
 
>Woman:  'I'd just like to get 1 thing clear in my mind.  This is an opportunity
 
`one' -- not `1'.
 
 
>        to be revived as a hologram and become a part of the crew ... and the
>        crew is you 3. Basically, you spend your time salvaging derelict
 
`three' -- not `3'.  Numerals have their places.  This is not one of them.
 
 
>Lister: 'We don't exactly do much salvaging.'
 
"do that much"
 
 
>Woman:  'But you do sound like you eat a lot of curries?'
 
This isn't a question.  Neither is her first line.
 
 
>Woman:  'And the all night poker sessions -- is it always _strip_ poker?'
 
`all-night poker sessions'
 
 
>Woman:  'No.  No, I think I'm better where I am.'
 
"better off"
 
 
>Cat:    'But you're dead!'
>Woman:  'Exactly, and meeting you guys has really make me appreciate it a whole
>        lot more.'
 
She doesn't say `exactly'.
 
 
>'Oh and sir, you're wrong.  We won't be apart - we'll just won't be together.
>[pause] I cannot believe I just said that.' - Rimmer, talking about Nirvana
 
"we just won't"
 
but the whole joke here is that what he says is the same -- albeit in
a different word order -- as the `blubbery schoolgirl mush' in the film
he saw earlier in the same episode.
 
 
>Kryten: 'Ah, Virgil's Aeneid, oh the epic tale of Agamennon's pursuit of Helen
>        of Troy.  The classic work by the greatest Latin poet who ever put quil
 
>        to parchment.'
>Lister: 'Yeah, its the comic book version.'
 
comic-book version.  (otherwise `comic' describes `book version', you see)
 
 
>Inquisitor:     'Because, like all who stand before the Inquisitor, you're judg
 
 
`your' -- not `you're'
 
 
>Lister: 'We used to be your shipmates.'
>Rimmer: 'Only, we've forgotten you.'
>Lister: 'Yeah.'
>Rimmer: 'Well, I don't know about you, but I'm convinced.'
 
You need to say that he says that line to Cat.  Note also that I removed
the useless dashes.
 
 
>'You once spent an afternoon on the Samaritan switchboard and 4 people committe
 
 
`four' -- not `4'
 
 
>'Nyaa.  It's the old back firing time gauntlet trick..'
 
"backfiring-time-gauntlet trick."
 
 
>'Kryten personal black box recording.  Time unknown.  Location unknown.  Cause
>of accident unknown.  Should someone find this recording it will shed light as
>to what happened here.  My short term memory has been erased.  This I
>ascribe to the proximity of the coils of Starbug's main engine.  Secondly, due
>to the proximity of the magnetic coils, my short term memory appears to have
>been erased.  This, combined with the erasure of my short term memory, has left
>me a little disoriented.' - Kryten
 
Sigh.  I have typed this out word for word, on this group, but I guess I need
to do it again.
 
"Kryten personal blackbox recording.  Time: unknown.  Location: unknown.
 Cause of accident: unknown.  Should someone find this recording, perhaps
 it will shed light as to what happened here.  My short-term memory has
 been erased.  This I ascribe to the proximity of the magnetic coils from
 Starbug's rear engine.  Secondly, due to the proximity of the magnetic
 coils, my short-term memory appears to have been erased.  This, combined
 with the erasure of my short-term memory, has left me a little disoriented."
 
 
>'Is this the British embassy?  Does this look even the remotest _bit_ like the
 
"Does it look" actually
 
 
>'I am a 2nd Technician in the Space Corps, I am briefed to give you my name and
>number and nothing more.  I don't know who you people are or what you think you
re
>playing at, but I'm not going to give you anything else.  You can oil me all yo
 
>like, you can use your tounges and your full senusual lips to caress my erogeno
s
 
`tongues'
 
`sensual'
 
 
>zones onto a plateau of sexual ecstasy, but I will tell you know, this nuts not
 
`now' -- not `know'  Use a colon after the word, also.
 
 
>it.  Just have a large quatro formagio pizza with extra olives ready at the end
 
 
My Italian isn't too great, but I do believe that's `quatro-formaggio pizza'.
 
 
>'This master character - and I acknowledge I may not want to know the full
>answer to this one - but why does he want me oiling in particulary?  Obviously
 
`oiling, particularly?'
 
 
>Lister: 'Is it me, or are those frogs saying useless?'
 
need somehow to separate words as words from words as meanings.
I use single quotes.  (I'm talking about the word `useless'.  It needs to
be set apart somehow, to show that it's being used as a word rather than
as its meaning.)
 
 
>Cat:    'Hey wow, you've got a giant blood sucking leech on your neck!  And it'
 
 
"blood-sucking leech" ... he doesn't say `and'.  It's hardly `wow', either.
 
 
>'...it's a common mistake, made by all truly stupid people.' - Kryten
 
This was quoted on here as, again, a possible error response for a
computer.  On its own, it isn't actually funny.  The whole line is:
 
"Frankenstein was the creator -- not the monster.  It's a common mistake ... ."
 
 
>Cat:    'Wait a minute, I've got it, they have swam south for the winter.'
>Kryten: 'That's birds sir.'
>Cat:    'Birds 'swim' south for the winter !?!?! How do they breathee?'
 
"Don't fish swim south for the winter?"
"That's birds, sir."
"Birds swim south for the winter?  How do they breathe?"
 
 
>'Hang five guys. I'm getting something. He committed suicide, he committed
>suicide, he committed suicide, the fish committed suicide. There's some kind
>of link here I can't quite grasp and the fish committed suicide.  There's some
>kind of a link here, but I can't quite put my finger on it.' - Cat
 
Err, editor problems, eh?
 
"Hang five, guys ... kind of link here, but I can't quite put my finger
 on it."
 
oh, and it is "and the fish committed suicide."  (with the `and')
 
 
>Kryten: 'Some kind of sea creature, a life form we have never seen before
>        attacked the ship. It has a very curious defence form. It secretes a
>        venom, a poison, possibly even a hallucenogenic which disfunctions its
>        prey by inducing despair. That's why the crew members, and even that
>        fish, committed suicide. Unfortunately, we have become contaminated.
 
"Some kind of sea creature -- a life form we have never encountered before --
 attacked this ship.  Its defence mechanism is a curious one.  It secretes
 a venom -- a poison, possibly even an hallucinogenic -- which disfunctions
 its prey by inducing despair.  Now, that's why the crewmembers, and even
 that fish, had committed suicide.  Unfortunately, we have been contaminated."
 
 
>Cat:    'What is it with you guys? This is like Saturday night at the Wailing
>        Wall. Why is it always me that has to be the strong one? I mean you
>        guys just fall apart (crying).'
 
Lister's line before this ends with "There's nothing new about that."
 
Cat's line is:
 
"What's gotten into you guys?  This has gotten like `Saturday Night at the
 Wailing Wall'. ..."
 
 
>Kryten: 'Listen, whoever you are, don't push your luck by ordering whoever I am
>        around because almost certainly whoever I am, I'm not going to take any
>        crap from whoever you are. So before you start ordering me around lets
>        establish whether I am the type of guy who doesn't mind being ordered
>        around or whether I get all up tight by being ordered about by whatever
>        type of guy you are. CLEAR !!'
 
"...because, almost certainly, whoever I am, I'm not the kind of guy who's
 going to take any crap from whoever you are.  So, before you start ordering
 me around, let's establish if I'm the kind of guy who doesn't mind
 being ordered around or if I'm kind of guy who gets all uptight being
 ordered around by whatever the kind of guy you are, clear?"
 
 
>Kryten: 'Jake Bullet, Cybernautic Detective. I like the sound of that. That
>        sounds like the kind of hard living flat foot who gets the job done by
>        cutting corners and bucking authority, and if those pen pushers up at
>        City Hall don't like it, well they can park their overpaid fat asses
>        on this middle digit and swivel. Swivel until they squeal like pigs on
>        a honeymoon.
 
"Jake Bullet: Cybernautic Detective.  I like that!  That sounds like the
 kind of hard-living flatfoot who gets the job done by cutting corners and
 bucking authority, and if those penpushers up at City Hall don't like it,
 well, they can park their overpaid fat asses on this mid digit and swivel --
 swivel 'til they squeal like pigs on a honeymoon!"
 
 
>        will be all white shoes, no tights and blotchy legs. He has to take up
 
He doesn't say `He has'.
 
 
>        petty crime to cover the court orders for the maintenance. Before he
 
"court orders for maintenance."
 
 
>        knows it he's standing in a bank with a sawn off shotgun. Somehow it
 
"sawn-off shotgun."
 
 
>        goes off. An old lady gets both barrels through a crocheted bobbly
 
it isn't `bobbly' ... not sure what he's saying.  `bubble', perhaps.
 
 
>        hat. All he can do is hide. But where, and that it hits him. With all
 
"But where? And then it hits him: With his ill-gotten gains ... ."
 
 
>        his ill-gotten gains he can buy 4 years in a computer game and wait
 
`four' -- not `4'
 
 
>        until the heat is off. And so it ends, the Ballard of Billy 'Granny
 
"So ends the Ballad of Billy `Granny-Killer' Doyle."
 
 
>Lister: 'What puzzles me slightly, is what a man of such undoubtedly good
 
"undoubted good breeding"
 
 
>        breeding is doing with a coat that smells like an elderly male Yak has
 
"would be doing wearing a coat"  `yak' isn't capitalised
 
 
>        taken a leak in both pockets.'
 
"in both the pockets."
 
 
>Rimmer: 'Well isn't it obvious.'
 
This is a question.
 
 
>'This is a nightmare. I'm on the run from the fascist police with a murderer, a
>mass murderer and a man in a bri-nylon shirt. A piece of flotsam, jetsam human
>wreckage sputum bag who smells like a Yak latrine. And now my best flashing
 
again, `yak' is not capitalised.
 
(Hey, kids! There's only five more days 'til Yak Shaving Day!)
 
 
>mac' is about to be splattered with an androids brain. I'm after you with the
 
`mack' is acceptable (as is `Mackintosh', even though the inventor of the
fabric was named `MacIntosh').  Also, `android's brain'.
 
 
>Star Sign: Neon
 
Is this schizoid paranoia, or just existential blues?
 
I was on a quest!
To dream the impossible dream...
Walking down the road one day, doo-dah, doo-dah!
 
--
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