From: jlane@Ingres.COM (Judi Lane)
Subject: Re: expectations
Reply-To: jlane@Ingres.COM (Judi Lane)
Organization: Ask Computer Systems Inc., Ingres Division, Alameda CA 94501
Date: 12 Oct 92 13:37:45 GMT

In article <Bvy5At.F4n@bunyip.cc.uq.oz.au> coates@newton.physics.uq.oz.au (Tony Coates) writes:
>In article <1992Oct7.235053.12905@wetware.com>, diana@wetware.com (CatWoman ) writes:
>|> coates@newton.physics.uq.oz.au (Tony Coates) writes:
>|> 
>|> ] jlane@Ingres.COM (Judi Lane) writes:
>|> ] |> 
>|> ] |> [well thought out discussion about relationships deleted for brevity -
>|> ] |>  if you haven't read it, I recommend it!]
>|> ] |> 
>|> {Lots of good stuff deleted}

	Thanks!  8^)


>|> ] 	In any case, if you want to meet a partner who lives in the same
>|> ] region as you, the Internet is not the place to go - try a tennis club,
>|> ] or origami lessons.  After all, what could be more frustrating than
>|> ] meeting the right person, but one who lives in the wrong place.  Better,
>|> ] perhaps, to choose the best person who lives in the right place; all
>|> ] such choices are compromises, since none of us are perfect.
>|> 
>|> I have to disagree with the first sentence.  I found my PYM
>|> via UseNet - AND because I wanted to get to know all the
>|> people I write to - AND because I made the effort to go out
>|> and meet the locals.  I wasn't LOOKING for a relationship, 
>|> but when it showed up, I was in the right place.  It WAS,
>|> or rather IS, however, someone who is geographically close
>|> to me (relatively speaking).
>|> 
>|> CatWoman
>
>Actually, I agree that the best way to find someone is not to look for
>them, but as for your disagreement with my first sentence, I think I
>made an exception for LA.  At least, I am assuming that Ingres have
>their headquarters in LA, but you can tell me otherwise if I am wrong. 
>Sitting here in Brisbane, I can't believe that the Internet is a good
>place to look, and I think that that applies for the bulk of cities in
>the world.  LA is not one of these cities.

	Tony, tony, tony... Ingres is NOT in Los Angeles!!  Ingres is
	located in Alameda, which is a quaint little island inhabited
	mostly by the US Navy just southwest of Oakland.  I myself
	personally live in San Francisco, on the other side of the Bay.
	Now if one were to believe the "mythology" surrounding the
	city in which I live as it pertains to single women looking
	for available men, then the argument for using the Net might
	start to hold water.  Truth is, after living here for three
	years, I'm having just as much luck in the Bay Area with "finding
	someone" as I did in my many years in southern California
	(about 50 miles southeast of Los Angeles).  I have made friends
	over the Net who were on the other side of the world who were
	far better friends than those individuals in my "backyard."
	
	After reading some of the replies sent to my personal login,
	as well as some of the postings here, I think I failed to
	communicate an important aspect of what I was writing about.
	I think miracle technology tools like the Net only end-up
	making the situation worse.  I now realize one of the worst
	failings I have is being too much of a perfectionist.  Mind you,		in a work/school situation, that's not always so bad.  But I
	find that I turn down the chance for satisfying and stable
	relationships with men who might appear boring, mature and
	pretty much "normal" because I convince myself that something
	"better" and more exciting is around the corner.  And having
	something like the Net doesn't help in this.  I've always been
	the first to jump on old boyfriends who've dumped me for another
	woman --  "greener grass syndrome" -- but when I'm honest with
	myself, I do the same thing, only I do it before I spend any
	amount of time with them, i.e., I never give them a chance.
	And I believe this is a common problem these days when it comes
	to relationships.  The Net does open the doors to opportunity
	with regards to meeting new people, but... are most individuals
	out there willing enough to be receptive to the responsibilities
	that LDR's entail?  I don't see most folks being responsible with
	the relationships they have in their own backyards.  So how is
	the Net gonna make it any better?

	Judi
	The Official Procrastinatin' Dryad of the RFA

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