HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: rhamilt@husc10.harvard.edu (Rowan Hamilton)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: x
Date: 15 Oct 92 22:16:36 GMT

xeb@BusLab.cba.ufl.edu (Emre Bilgin (MBA)) writes:

>is there anybody in dimension x?

A better question: Are the denizens of dimension x to be considered human?
-- 
Rowan T. Hamilton                         "To dig this is to groove on
hamilton@huhepl.harvard.edu                   hella shit."
hamilton@fnald.fnal.gov                   - Some random skate-punk.
From: rigler@galileo.ifa.hawaii.edu (80 Hours)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: If Scholarly Journals were like the Net . . .
Date: 15 Oct 92 23:40:16 GMT
Organization: IFA

He who is named after a catchy Van Halen tune writes:
>Silver River flows:
>>So I have a grandfather named "Raleigh Silverio".  His children
>>were named "Sean Dennis Silverio" and "Brian Daniel Silverio",
>>but that's another story.
>
>Which brings up another point.
>carla janice is my guess

Consuella Jehosephat?

Rigler (wonder what the periodicity is on this one...)
--
You worry and worry and its like a pack of rats gnawing their way up your 
spinal column until they reach the soft tissues of your brain and suddenly 
you have no mind left.  Then it dawns on you that you truly have nothing 
left to lose and you are free to face the future with joyful abandon...
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano)
Subject: hack, phooey, a pox on you and your kind
Organization: truth in a bottle
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 17:26:22 GMT


The name of my email address has changed rather spontaneously, 
and apparently mail for my old address isn't being forwarded 
to the new one .  So if you tried writing to me at 
ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu, you're out of luck.  Try mailing to
ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu.  Don't ask me why; it's probably because
of bureaucracy or somedamnedthing.


AjD
ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering)
Subject: Re: LET'S WRITE THE LYRICS TO A "NEW" RAMONES SONG!
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 92 20:56:17 EDT
Organization: The Screeen of Blankness

In article <OSA.92Oct13194139@orville.unh.edu> osa@orville.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska) writes:
>
>	LET'S WRITE THE LYRICS TO A NEW RAMONES SONG! EVERYBODY,
>PLEASE CONTINUE AFTER ME! I'LL START:
>
>	ADRENALINE
>
>ADRENALINE, ADRENALINE, KEEPS ME JUMPY.
>ADRENALINE, ADRENALINE, KEEPS ME JUMPY.
>GABBA, GABBA, MAKES ME ITCHY
>GABBA, GABBA, MAKES ME SCRATCHY
>A-D-R-E-N-A-L-I-N-E
>A-D-R-E-N-A-L-I-N-E
>
>ps: I know that there is no such thing as a new Ramones song, but... 
>pps: as it can be seen, I spelled GABBA properlee.
>ppps: we established that they could spell long words, such as ANXIETY. 

It's okay, Oktay, I'm not gonna follow up this time.

>pppps: November 13, Avalon.

October 29, State Theater.  With Social Distortion.

ljd
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ldoering@engin.umich.edu (Laurence Doering)
Subject: Re: PUMPS
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 92 02:29:07 EDT
Organization: Lemming's House O' Fashion Tips

In article <annie.03ec@canetoad.UUCP> annie@canetoad.UUCP (Annie) writes:
>Black. All in black. Black wool skirt. Black angora sweater 
>(sculpted from within by a push-up bra). KimNovakVertigo hair.
>
>With bright red leather pumps.
>
>Not heels, stiletto's, shoes or
>followmehomeanddome's.
>
>Just bright red leather PUMPS.
>
>PUMPS I say.
>
>Sometimes dressing for work is okay.

Black.  All in black.  Torn black jeans.  Black biker jacket.
(Dayglo Abortions T-shirt within).  BrushCutShadingFromBleachedBlond
ToWeirdRedWithThreeBraidedPunkLocks.

With combat boots.

Not heels, Doc Martens, Air Jordans, or
nonsteelcappedlameshoes.

Combat boots, dammit.

Fuck work, let's dance.

ljd

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gj156879@prince.carleton.ca ( gj student 156879)
Subject: Japanese Tourists ate my building.
Organization: Carleton University
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 03:14:42 GMT

My fiance' says she saw japanese tourists down in the market filming
each other holding corncobs.
 
That's what handicams are for: filming your friend Moto holding a
corncob.  What the hell do these people do with the footage?  I'm sure
it's all part of a global corn conspiracy.  Soon, women will use corn,
and penises will be obsolete!  Beware!
From: gj@prg.oxford.ac.uk (Craig Shergold)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Rictus Hep confesses an inadequacy
Date: 10 Oct 92 22:50:02 GMT
Organization: The Shiny Blue Electron Company Limited

Mark. Gooley opened:

< "I *still* can't drive a car with a manual transmission."

mathew <mathew@mantis.co.uk> fuged:
> That's nothing.  I can't drive a car at all.

Rick Kelly fails to think, out loud:
: Yet another prisoner of public transportation.

So literal, these colonials.  Just because mathew can't drive,   /
what says he doesn't?  He -- being a fine upstanding gent --    /
probably doesn't, but it doesn't stop the rest of them.        / g
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey)
Subject: Re: things I hate
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 19:08:39 GMT

In article <1b1uj9INNi5f@fido.asd.sgi.com> cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
>I hate X.
>I hate X resources.
>I hate X programmers who don't document their resources.

I love X.
I think X resources are great.
The way SGI implemented X is driving me up the wall.
I am going to strip all that stuff out and install X11R5 from the MIT
distribution like God intended machines to run.

And this goes double for DECstations.
--scott
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: hlow@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Handel Low)
Subject: More On Trust
Organization: All the News That's Unfit to See the Light of Day
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 92 14:43:12 EDT


	Same political conversation...okay, so we figured,
yes, Clinty would be the one we'd send out to Omar's to buy
forty ouncers for us.

	On a less practical level, we came up with a related
question, still pertaining to which candidate you'd trust
the most in real life, that went like this:

	You live six blocks away from campus (well, we do).
You need one of the three candidates (Perot, Bush, Clinty) to
do a few errands for you.  You need to have a bunch of library
books returned, then have a bookstore bill settled, and then
a major paper or project dropped off at the communications
school before five o'clock.

	Who do you trust?  I had a hard time deciding on this
one, although Tom said probably Clinton.


handel "well i know i could trust him for the 40s, but..." low

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (big daddy hate box)
Subject: Re: Six
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 92 18:34:06 GMT

In article <1b8rgtINNk1d@terminator.rs.itd.umich.edu> ajd@oit.itd.umich.edu writes:
>
>Yes, six.
>
obviously six beers in six minutes. if this isn't right it should be.

>
>AjD
>the first person who can identify exactly what
>i mean at this ridiculous time of the morning
>wins an indeterminate prize.


--
	     PJF--->BIOCHEM GRAD. STUDENT--U of UTAH oh yeah 
               "i am such a stupid,ignorant son of a bitch.
                           please kill me now."
               me, last month when i had a cc.utah.edu acct.
From: grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Koschei the Deathless)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: direct quote
Date: 8 Oct 1992 04:40:28 GMT
Organization: The International House of Secretions
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4

In article <1avu5iINNjpp@uwm.edu> terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (St Theresa of the Net) writes:
*In article <1au4o1INNcv7@uwm.edu> grendel@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Koschei the Deathless) writes:
*>Just have to pay off another $1000 and I'll be able to afford to move.
*>Mark "I owe some people 5000 bucks, being in debt really sucks" Lippert 
*
*OH, pooor pooooor pooooooooor markie.
*My heart bleeds for you.
*
*I'm finally *down* to $2000 and i'm euphoric and blissfull and you're
*whining about $1k.

Nononononononoooooooo, m'dear.  What that means is that after that $1000,
I'll finally be under $5000 and actually be able to afford the move.  Sort
of.


Mark "Debt size wars" Lippert
From: rpwhite@ac13.cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Ok, I had to Ask...
Date: 15 Oct 92 15:52:48 GMT
Organization: Monterey Bay Yacht Club, Monterey CA

drieux, just drieux writes:

>are the Ramones Like some New Group?

I was lied to. It was not at Davis but Berkeley. She told me this in
the knowledge that I might have demurred from attending otherwise.

I ate a bad Japanese meal. 

Social Distortion was magnificent. 

The Ramones haven't changed much in 15 years. 

The drive home was a bitch and I was hors de combat all day Sunday. I am
getting too old for this sort of thing.

Talking about old, it was interesting to note the preponderance of older
fans filling the Greek and singing along with the band.

I belive the Ramones are fast becoming the Grateful Dead of their
generation.
From: Julian (NB Forever)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Lair of the Fly
Date: 11 Oct 92 21:00:43 GMT
Reply-To: waldbyjf@nextwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu
Organization: Computer Science Department at Rose-Hulman
NNTP-Posting-Host: o233-18.nextwork.rose-hulman.edu

Of course you've all heard the spider's version of the story of the fly in 
the spider's pantry, but have you ever heard the whole thing?

Rachnid Spinnan, that wretched 8-legged excuse for an author, left a few
details out when he told it.
--
It all began a long long time ago when the spiders and flies were
seemingly good friends. However, unbeknownst to the flies, the horrid
little insects had grown a taste for harmless good-natured flies!
Imagine our fear when close relatives began to disappear regularly, never
to be heard from again!

It all started when Jim and Darla Mayfly, twins from birth were invited
into old man Homer Longlegs' home for a drink of tea. Being young, and
not aware of the recent missing fly epidemic, they of course accepted
gladly, curious.

Only after Darla disappeared during the tea, and reappeared on the dinner
plate, did Jim get suspicious. He bit Homer hard on the nose and escaped
as quickly as he could from the house.

Jim told all the great elder flies, and a conspiracy was formed. The flies
decided to annihilate the spiders.

Weapons were gathered, and the spiders were taken by surprise, and were
smashed in the streets and left to rot. Very few escaped, running to the
people homes and the jungles. Yes indeed, much green innards was spilled
during the initial attack.

The spiders formed rebel groups, armed with great nets to entrap the flies
and the battle continues today.

Overall, the flies have been victorious, and abundant, while the spiders
have suffered and are not able to travel except in disguise.
--
JW
From: small@turing.seas.ucla.edu (James F. Small)
Newsgroups: ucla.rumor,talk.bizarre
Subject: How come
Date: 7 Oct 92 05:24:49 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,ucla.rumor
Distribution: usa
Organization: Laserama: Programming and Civil Insurection Division

How come the bathrooms in the Boelter Hall smell like Habi-trails (tm)?

-- 
DoD# 2024   -Aluminum that is . . .    | If it's good enough for airframes,
                                       | it's good enough for my EX-500.
From: lordSnooty@cup.portal.com (Andrew - Palfreyman)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Artificial mechanisms for tree movement
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 92 14:12:36 PDT
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
  <67657@cup.portal.com> <1992Oct15.131035.9398@Princeton.EDU>

novak:
: Oh well, if one of the biotech labs has space available, I have an
: idea... I recently learned from some funky French documentary on the
: World of the Ants that, not only can an ant colony determine the
: shorter of two paths to a food source, BUT that ant colonies were
: capable of solving the Travelling Salesman problem. No information on
: whether they were already solving NP-complete problems in polynomial
: time, but it did start me thinking that a little effort might supply
: us with an Ant-Based Parallel-Processing Computing system that was
: relatively resistant to thermal shock and ran on sugar water. 

easier is when we've got the LiveNeuron![TM] solution down.
then we just take a bunch of cerebral cortex sheets from healthy
cadavers, which can be thinly spread over your average-size office desk
and are only 2mm or so thick. stack 'em and pack 'em. ants can't run
as fast as a depolarisation pulse, you see.
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
| lord snooty @the giant |  Would You Like Space Potatoes With That?       |
| poisoned electric head |              andrew_-_palfreyman@cup.portal.com |
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Re: veep debate
Originator: jcarroll@ferris
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Date: 14 Oct 92 12:21:35 CDT


In article <OSA.92Oct14025421@orville.unh.edu>, osa@orville.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska) writes:
> 
> "-" == Blair P. Houghton <bhoughto@sedona.intel.com> writes:
> 
> -> All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Watching Dragnet.
> 
> All I Really Need to Know, I have yet to learn. 
> 

All I really need to know
I needed to know four years ago
and since I managed to struggle thro
it seems I don't need it anyho.

Jeff Carroll
carroll@lemon.cray.com

"In Washington, DC, we have more abortions than live births." - Dan Quayle
From: inspecti@ux7.lbl.gov ()
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Whats the point???????
Date: 12 Oct 1992 21:12:20 GMT
Organization: Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory
Reply-To: inspecti@ux7.lbl.gov ()
NNTP-Posting-Host: ux7.lbl.gov

In article <1992Oct12.160511.570@dct.ac.uk> mcsbc3ktp@dct.ac.uk (Kirk Potter) writes:
>Can anyone tell me why BIC byro pens have a little hole in the side of them??
>


shit, he's onto us.


inspecti
From: mattb@ctron.com (Matt Brown)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Sanity
Date: 12 Oct 92 18:00:35 GMT
Reply-To: mattb@olympus.ctron.com (Matt Brown)
Organization: Cabletron Systems INc.

In article <1992Oct12.124553.15233@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson) writes:
>
>i have made a decision to accept sanity in my life, at least for a trial
>period to see if i like it.

I thought of all kinds of nasty things to reply, but you are really such a
decent guy that I didn't have the heart to say anything nasty. 

*Hugs*

Matt
too much a.r.c will do that to you. Now that I think about it, this is 
probably about the cruelest thing to do to somebody in t.b. Sorry, Rob,
I won't do it again.
Darn! I can't stop. This is getting scary. Somebody help me!
(bad mistake made while under the influence of a.r.c)

Matt again
"Braindead individuals are incapable of accessing USENET." - Bruce Bufalino
                                                             psu.edu, naturally
From: jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: stopping the plague
Date: 7 Oct 92 18:26:45 GMT
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Originator: jcarroll@ferris


In article <1992Oct7.133141.10356@Princeton.EDU>, greg@phoenix (greg Nowak) writes:
> In article <1992Oct5.235622.4066@walter.cray.com>, jcarroll@ferris writes:
> 
> }I voted a straight Republican ticket in 1984.
> 
> I don't care WHO the fuck you voted for, or why you think you need
> "credentials".  Perhaps I'm just a bit more concerned than you are
> about preserving your ability to vote for whatever senile narcoleptic
> you want. 
> 
> --greg                                     greg@phoenix.princeton.edu
> 
> "Excuse me, but I created alt.sewing, and participated in the move to
> rec.crafts.textiles."        --sloane@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu (Bob Sloane)

look, asshole, i was trying to be polite and point out the silliness of
your paranoid delusions, and the inappropriateness of posting them where
they were.

I've lived in four states now, and I've never had any trouble registering
to vote; nor have I met anyone who could read (or anyone who couldn't read,
for that matter) who had any trouble registering to vote.

At present, I am eligible to vote in three different states, one of which
I've never lived in, except in hotel rooms. It dismays me somewhat to know
that due to the ease of voter registration in this country, there are
millions and millions of people who will go out and cast ballots on
election day based on the kind of lamebrained nonsense that has been
posted here in t.b recently (on both sides of the aisle), or rationale
that is more feebleminded yet.

In some states you are practically forced to register to vote in order to
hold a driver's license. In places like that the only people who can't
vote are people who run around driving without one.

If there's anyone in particular who doesn't have to worry about being able
to vote, it's a Republican. And as for my personal ability to vote, there's
not a fucking thing *you* can do about it one way or another; this year it's
going to boil down to my inability to make up my mind what state I want
to live in.

Your puerile whining in talk.bizarre sure as hell isn't going to make a
difference. If you really care about the right to vote, teach yourself a
little Spanish, get out on the street, and register the people who are
slipping through the cracks.

Jeff Carroll
carroll@lemon.cray.com
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: k206027@smog.DKRZ-Hamburg.DE (ce)
Subject: Re: Fanning the Flames of Hate
Organization: Deutsches Klimarechenzentrum GmbH, Hamburg
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 92 09:50:32 GMT

In article <1992Oct8.195024.18597@cheshire.oxy.edu> wolf@cheshire.oxy.edu (Clinton Richard Wolf) writes:
>In article <1992Oct8.162020.28321@pellns.alleg.edu> dblackbu@alleg.edu (Dave Blackburn) writes:
>>>>>Cascades are stupid (don't you dare).
>>>>Parades the cupid (without hair).
>>>Shrewd becomes vapid (as if we care).
>>Nude scones evaporate (into the air)
>>--
>Crude phones give rapid weight (like Linda Blair)
Lewd Proles Demonstrate (was Bill C. there?)

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: millerje@CS.ColoState.EDU (Jeff Miller)
Subject: !! DYING BOY TRYING TO BREAK RECORD - PLEASE READ !!
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 1992 02:38:20 GMT
Organization: Colorado State University, Computer Science Department

Jeff Miller of Fort Collins, Colorado is dying his hair another color, and in
rememberance of his old hair color, he has decided that he wishes to beat
the world record for longest cascade.  Please help him beat the old record
(set back in 1963) by responding to the following line.  Thank You and God
Bless.

This is the first line of the worlds longest cascade.


-- 
 _____________________________________________________________________________
|                                                                             |
| "Nuke the unborn gay whales!" |  millerje@cs.colostate.edu  |  Jeff Miller  |
|_____________________________________________________________________________|
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: hlow@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Handel Low)
Subject: Humane Mousetraps?  Info?  Opinions?
Organization: One-two one-two in the HOUSE!!
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 92 21:34:05 EDT


	We have mice in our house and for three of the eight of us,
the obvious solution is to set out mousetraps, you know, the kind that
has a clamp that snaps shut and breaks the rodent's neck.

	Poison is out, because the mice could die in hard to reach
places and just stink up the house.

	The problem is this:  one of the (other) five resident
vegans in the house don't want us to use those mousetraps (I'm not
a vegetarian myself).  It's inhumane, animal rights, Peter Fucken Singer
(or was it Sanger?), Animal Liberation, I think you get the picture.

	So anyway, he called up PETA, mail-ordered a mousetrap (ten bucks),
and it's the third day now.  We haven't caught anything yet.

	So:  Comments?  Information?  Opinions?  Has anybody had
any experience with these humane traps?  Is it worth it or should we
just screw animal rights and use the traditional wooden traps?


handel "raging carnivore" low
From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: family hues
Date: 9 Oct 92 18:30:00 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest)

In article <9210091712.AA00280@helium> dolan@nrlmry.navy.mil (Kent Paul Dolan) writes:
>Gooley asks why nobody is talking about 'family hues'.
'Twas not I, Kent!
'Twas Rictus Hep.
I know better.

Can't people tell the difference between real people and ficticious
characters any more?  The news media is treating Murphy Brown as if
she really existed.

Knew I shouldn't have started writing Rictus Hep things.

Mark., and I drew a flame over Rictus' inability to handle manual transmissions
gooley@netcom.com.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jcarroll@ferris.cray.com (Jeff Carroll)
Subject: Re: Welcome to talk.bizarre!  (Monthly Posting)
Originator: jcarroll@ferris
Organization: Cray Research, Inc.
Distribution: world,planet-newb,elsewhere
Date: 14 Oct 92 23:54:48 CDT


In article <1992Oct14.193745.9526@vax.oxford.ac.uk>, reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk writes:
> In article <12Oct92119f2prt@tbsc.org>, tbsc@volcano.tbsc.ORG (talk.bizarre Steering Committee) writes:
> > VI. Catchphrases never to be used.
> > 
> > This is a trick section. No catchphrase, from any source, is ever to be
> > used. Unless you really want to and don't mind being flamed back to the
> > stone age. Some catchphrases never to be used:
> > 
> > - And that's why I had to kill them all.
> > - Been there, done that
> > - By the Holy Claws of Klortho the Magnificent, this IS a fine morning!
> > - Cut it out, nj
> > - Cut it out, Roger
> > - Die, rat bastard
> > - Go jump in a goddam volcano, you fucking cave newt
> > - [Just about anything] IN BED!
> > - Smegma rich
> > - There is no Cabal
> > - We seem to have a new catchphrase on our hands
> > - Welcome to talk.bizarre. Now, FUCK OFF (TM)
> > - You are an asshole. Shut the fuck up
> > - You spelled 'pieces' wrong
> 
> Never mind that. Do you .....?
> 
> Jason

just when I was about to flame Jason for his very existence...

this is my favorite post of the week.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jon@zeus.med.utah.edu (Jonathan Byrd)
Subject: Rictus Hep celebrates the end of the Cold War
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 21:32:50 GMT
Organization: University of Utah

He goes to the Dairy Queen and orders a nuclear freeze.
--
jonathan byrd
jon@apollo.med.utah.edu
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: pfinerty@nyx.cs.du.edu (big daddy hate box)
Subject: howdy
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 92 08:39:18 GMT


if i could i would. this is a lie, a cop-out. since i can't i can say all
this shit. and the great thing is that you suck it up like a sponge. ciao

--
	     PJF--->BIOCHEM GRAD. STUDENT--U of UTAH oh yeah 
               "i am such a stupid,ignorant son of a bitch.
                           please kill me now."
               me, last month when i had a cc.utah.edu acct.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: meo@hostname.austin.ibm.com (Miles O'Neal)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Most Frightening Frightening Halloween ideas found
Date: 7 Oct 92 01:21:03 GMT
Reply-To: meo@hostname.austin.ibm.com (Miles O'Neal)
Organization: Unholiday

ag349@yfn.ysu.edu (David S. McMeans) writes:
| Greetings,

At this point I got my passport out.

False alarm.

|   I've been assigned to oversee a 'room' in a community haunted house
| this year, and I want to make it very frightening.

No sweat.  Take that dark room and fill it with terminals.
Connect them via 110 baud modems to a Fortune XP system
running news.  Only allow rec.arts.startrek and alt.romance.chat.

The heart attacks at merely knowing such a fiendish
torture chamber exists could easily reduce the population
by 10% in a single day.

-M'oi

and maybe the bush and clinton groups
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:33784 alt.peeves:15482