HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: EUCLID@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu
Subject: Re: just a simple cry for help
Organization: C.C.S.O.
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 19:22:51 GMT

In article <1icn37INNnab@master.cs.rose-hulman.edu>
williasr@NeXTwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu (Steven R. Williams) writes:
 
>I have been unable to cry (tears) now for several months even though I've
>been more depressed lately than I can ever remember being.  It bothers me
     For what it's worth, i shed nary a tear at my mother's funural, while
my father and sibling cried enough for at least three people.  I didn't hold
it back; it simply didn't come then.  And so i went on with my life...and
eventually needed to see a councelor and take prozac for a few months.
 
Good luck.
 
euclid
   "As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty,
and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life--so I became a scientist.
This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls." --Matt Cartmill
 
Euclid@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu
standard disclaimers apply
From: satan@bigwpi.WPI.EDU (mMaEtYtER)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: POLITICLA ANIMAL
Date: 6 Jan 1993 18:41:41 GMT
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: bigwpi.wpi.edu




i learned in high school (catholic high school - blech) that human
beings are "political animals."  This meant that we inherently need
to be with other people.   Isolation  is then a destructive 
situatiuon.  If we are this political animal, then why are we (or
some of "we") so pathetically bad at being social.  I mean 
pathetically bad in two ways - either you can't get enough - or 
you act in ways that make it so others can't get enough.  

I kinda feel let down by some people right now.  God knows i was let
down by my friends (friends - a word used loosely in this context)
in high school.  Of course i say i'm let down and then i wonder
if my perspective is just all fucked up.  Maybe i am being to 
selfish and maybe i expect too much.  I dunno.  I am always willing
to give of myself, but it seems as tho most ppl i know are quite
happy with what they've got  ( its very possible that they aren't 
happy, but fucked if i know)  and don't come loking to me for 
anything.  


there are no answers, there is no truth, and therefore it is
impossible to lie (heh)


hot wax is excellent. like hot wax. its my masochistic streak.
and once its cooled the drops form into little hardened scales.
A nice form of armor, but it can't protect you from your own thoughts.
That's where the real damage occurs - upsstairs.  Its a free for
all.



did ya hear, did ya hear

trent reznor  is recording his new album in a house in CA
where sharon tate and friends were killed by charles manson
groupies in 1969.  He rented the place without even knowing that little bit 
of trivia -so he says.  Hed likes the place weven more now.


gotta go, my wax is melting and the cofffee is brewing


peeling the light from his eyes,

satan


-- 
*******************************************************************************
* satan@wpi *Preacher or poet who was it wrote Give any one species too much 
*           *rope And they'll fuck it up.    - Roger Waters   
*******************************************************************************
From: lginzb@ccat.sas.upenn.edu (Lionel Ginzburg)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Methods file
Summary: chlorine gas update
Keywords: chlorine, cl, pain
Date: 7 Jan 93 01:48:16 GMT

It was mentioned in the methods file that chlorine gas might be "very
unpleasant." This is an extreme understatement.  I studied chlorine gas
(aka mustard gas) when I took toxicology a few years ago.  The way it
works is by turning water to HCl-- hydrochloric acid.  I.e. your sinuses,
mouth, nose, lungs, throat corrode.  People have been known to survive it,
usually with horrible burns and/or the loss of a lung.  I would not
recommend it-- if you want to go for pain and or horror, there are any
number of ways that are more sure.

It can, however, be produced fairly easily.  (Chemistry majors call me on
this-- I might be thinking of the wrong chemical warfare agent.)  Mix ammonia
with chlorine bleach, basically.  That's why there are all of those
warnings on the packages.  It won't be as concentrated as the stuff used in
war (and keep in mind, people, that the stuff was outlawed after WWI, and
was so horrible that not even the Nazis used it in WWII), but can probably
cause at least moderate to severe damage, if not death.

Treatment, presumably, would involve de-acidifying the victim to some
degree.  Washing the stuff off, etc.

But just for the sake of factual info, etc.  (And somewhere or another, I
still have my toxicology textbooks.  I'll look and see if there's anything
interesting.)










-- 
Lionel Artom-Ginzburg
EMail to: Lionel@BWH.Harvard.edu
or, just autoreply.

Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday,alt.angst
From: dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. Dennis)
Subject: AngstComix (Was: Re: I'm not paid for this commercial (was: Anyone 
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 16:21:59 GMT

In <1igafuINN29c@cbl.umd.edu> wolffrnd@starburst.umd.edu (The Wolf Friend) 
writes:

>euclid@mrcnext.cso.uiuc.edu (Euclid K.) writes:

>>No, haven't found it, but i discovered a good comic book at the union 
bookstore.
>>It's "Depression is Fun", by Nina Paley.  Laughed my head off over it, and 
then
>>had to put the book down and blindly feel around on the floor for my head.
>>Found it eventually.  8 b

>Thanks, I'll have to check it out.

>I'd also like to recommend "Hepcats" by Martin Wagner.  It's a serious
>graphic novel (currently on issue 10 of 18) which deals with adult/mature
>topics such as suicide.  Since it's an on-going story it's best to
>start at issue #1 if possible; the artist/author has all back issues
>available (upon request).  It can be tough to find in some comic stores
>because some are too afraid to carry it.


Comics?  Did someone mention comics?

You want angst by the hogshead, check out _Peepshow_, by Joe Matt.  
Excruciatingly detailed ongoing autobiography in comic-strip form.

This, of course, in addition to the usual suspects:  _Yummy Fur_, _Hate_, _Love
& Rockets_, etc.
--
>---<

Tom Dennis                  | "I have seen all the works that are done
dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu  |    under the sun; and, behold, all is 
(217)384-2504               |      vanity and vexation of spirit."
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Request: Methods file. Mail me a copy?
From: mjc+@cs.cmu.edu (Monica Cellio)
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 18:00:07 GMT
Organization: School of Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon

>Is [_Final Exit_] the one by Dr. Kavorkian (sp?) "The Suicide Doctor"?

No, it's by Derek Humphry, founder of the Hemlock Society.  (_Let Me Die
Before I Wake_, by the same author, is also an interesting read, though
you have to look harder for the critical details.)  As far as I know, 
Jack Kevorkian doesn't have a book.

Monica
From: hagop@crowe.seas.ucla.edu (Hagop D. Janoyan)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Oh, God, I'm DYING for a cigarette!!!
Date: 5 Jan 93 02:36:17 GMT
Organization: SEASnet, University of California, Los Angeles

In article <C04Jz2.26L@NCoast.ORG> brown@NCoast.ORG (Stan Brown) writes:
>In article <8280@news.duke.edu> das@canctr.mc.duke.edu writes:
>>Hey, I *know* this doesn't fit with the general scope of this group but...
>>
>>I'm gonna kill myself if I don't get a cigarette SOON!!!  
>
>Sure it fits, because tobacco is one of the socially acceptable ways of
>committing suicide.  It's part of our social hypocrisy that (outside of
>a few enlightened folks here in and out of this group), it's okay
>to kill yourself slowly through taking harmful substances into your
>body, but not to kill yourself quickly by taking harmful substances into
>your body.
>
>The people who kill themselves through drugs, legal and illegal, are not
>commonly recognized as suicides--but they are, they are--many of them.


I really wouldn't call smoking tobacco to be suicide.  The person who
smokes tobacco doesn't purposely kill himself, even though they might say 
that they wouldn't mind if they die from it.

Here is one really good definition of suicide that I always use: "The
act by which a human being deliberately creates what he considers to be
an _effective_ and _adequate_ cause of his own death."  I'd hardly call
a person suicidal because he bases his existence on chance.

-- 
Hagop Janoyan
hagop@seas.ucla.edu
From: jos@and.nl (Jos Horsmeier)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Methods file
Keywords: chlorine, cl, pain
Date: 12 Jan 93 09:05:59 GMT
Organization: AND Software BV Rotterdam

In article <ogorman.726749311@unix1.tcd.ie> ogorman@unix1.tcd.ie (Lucifuge) writes:
|In <2b50661a59703@bara.oche.de> wr@bara.oche.de (Wolfram Roesler) writes:
|
|>In <103899@netnews.upenn.edu>, Lionel Ginzburg (lginzb@ccat.sas.upenn.edu) wrote:
|
|>Rubbish, nothing was too horrible for the nazis to use it.
|>The only reason they didn't use poison gas was that Hitler had
|>gotten into a gas attack during WW1 and was panically afraid of the stuff.
|>(Pity he didn't inhale more of it.) I mean, they didn't refrain from
|>using it because of some "we don't want to do that to our enemy" sentimentality.
|
|The nazis used something called Zyklon-B for the mass murder of
|concentration camp inmates. I forget what this actually *is*. They also
|used CO poisoning in trucks and developed the nerve agents tabun for
|example (presumably for use in war). The british went for anthrax bombs
|while the americans developed nukes. Moral of the story? 

Zyklon-B is a gas. They simply gassed millions of people in those 
concentration camps. Before they invented zyklon-B, they used CO,
they simply drove around in a truck with a bunch of people in the
back and the exhaust pipe stuck inwards. But it turned out to be
not `efficient' enough. They didn't really bother whether or not
people were dead after being exposed to zyklon-B, they simply 
burned all the bodies afterwards ... Those concentration camps were
quite a destruction industry actually. Millions of jews, gipsies,
homosexuals and others were killed there, in what those germans
called their `endlo\"sung', their `final solution.'

Moral of the story? Nazism and fascism still flourishes as never before.

dammit.

Jos aka jos@and.nl
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: jarqui@scorch.apana.org.au (Jared Quinn)
Subject: Re: I have nothing left.
Organization: Craggenmoore public Unix system , Newcastle , Oz
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 17:51:23 GMT

rpowers@panix.com (Richard Powers) writes:

|I've been dealt a shitty hand.  I think its getting time to fold up

Your right about the shitty hand...  Hmmm I learnt long ago that there
was no such thing as a friend.... I have friends but just  dont  trust
them to the xtent I used to...
|and reshuffle the deck.

|Lets see if I last 'till my birthday on the 15th...

Well can't be that bad.. Your born on the same date as me!!!

|... where _is_ that methods file?  What did it say about CO poisoning?

Can't  remeber..  I  have  it here somewhere...  I got hold of it long
ago...  Thankgod  I  am no longer as suicidal as i was...  I have only
tried once... but thats once too many!

-- 
Jared Quinn
---------------------------------+--------------------------------------O---O-
jarqui@scorch.apana.org.au       | A great philosopher once wrote:        i
3:622/401.0@fidonet.org          | Naughty,  Naughty,  Very Naughty!    \___/ 
---------------------------------+--------------------------------------------
Tought/Quote of the Day:
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
BUCKMINSTER FULLER
From: williasr@NeXTwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu (Steven R. Williams)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: just a simple cry for help
Date: 5 Jan 1993 19:21:11 GMT
Organization: Computer Science Department at Rose-Hulman
Reply-To: williasr@NeXTwork.Rose-Hulman.Edu (Steven R. Williams)
NNTP-Posting-Host: o233-07.nextwork.rose-hulman.edu
Keywords: help me


I don't know that I have any real (specific) problems to talk about right  
now, but there are a few things that I need to say. 

I have been unable to cry (tears) now for several months even though I've  
been more depressed lately than I can ever remember being.  It bothers me  
that I am going through a lot of pain and no one seems to notice or care.  
I am however finally beginning to see beyond myself and see that I'm not  
the only one with problems, but I can hardly worry much with anyone else  
until I get out of the mess I'm in. I have just about lost the ability to  
verbally express myself and never enter into conversation unless someone  
brings me into it leaving me to turn further and further inward on myself.

So I sit and write poetry and write, and write....problem is no one ever  
reads the poems so I'm still not allowing anyone to see how I'm feeling.  
And the poems are largely depressing and occasionally about suicide  
(however (somehow) never about death). I'm not in the mood for suicide,  
I'm just in a lot of pain waiting as if someone's gonna come along with a  
magic wand and cure me.  Actually, I'd be happy if someone would even do  
so much as acknowledge my exsistence and notice my pain.

just a simple cry for help though,
Steven W.
--
williasr@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu
------------------------------------------------------
"Share my highs but the times that he hurts pay no mind"
From: megazone@obsidian.WPI.EDU (MegaZone23)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: And so it starts again...
Date: 6 Jan 1993 07:53:30 GMT
Organization: WPI USAF -- United Society of Animation Fans
NNTP-Posting-Host: obsidian.wpi.edu

In article <C0BG7G.Bs7@news.udel.edu> zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu (Angela Marie Watson) writes:
>In article <1i7skvINNpuc@bigboote.WPI.EDU> satan@wpi.WPI.EDU (Mephistopheles) writes:
>_anything_... I opted for some chicken tenders and curly fries for

AH... Dinner with the King... Does anyone else want the creator of those BKTV
ads strung up?

>occassional seizure.]  Anyway, human flesh isn't the tastiest... maybe

Yech... Greasy pork flavor...

>>* satan@wpi *Preacher or poet who was it wrote Give any one species too much 
>>*           *rope And they'll fuck it up.    - Roger Waters   

That's a terrific album isn't it? Rog is such a cheerful guy. I see it as 
The Final Cut 1992....

###############################################################################
# I have one prejudice, and that is against stupidity.  Use your mind, think! #
#Email megazone@wpi.wpi.edu  Moderator, WPI anime FTP site 130.215.24.1 /anime#
###############################################################################


Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu (angela watson)
Subject: Re: *thunk*thunk*thunk*
Organization: University of Delaware, Newark
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 05:03:33 GMT

In article <1993Jan8.111124.21090@aber.ac.uk> azw@aber.ac.uk (Andrew Michael Woodward) writes:
>>	...nothing like getting a cold (esp. when you _have_ to go out
>>	jogging at 8am in 35 degree weather) to improve one's depressed
>>	state...
>>
>
>_have_ to go jogging? Unneccessary excercise is

	...is what??? I didn't get to see the rest of the article...

	...it's part of my class... although today we just played Lacrosse
	for an hour and a half...

	...good thing (from some points of view)... now I'm too sore, sick
	and tired to do any active harm to myself...

	...zzzzzz

	Psycho Kitten
	
-- 

Angela M. Watson / awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu /       [.sig under] 
Psycho Kitten   / zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu    /       [construction] 
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: euclid@mrcnext.cso.uiuc.edu (Euclid K.)
Subject: Re: Methods file
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 18:41:47 GMT
Keywords: chlorine, cl, pain

lginzb@ccat.sas.upenn.edu (Lionel Ginzburg) writes:


>It can, however, be produced fairly easily.  (Chemistry majors call me on
>this-- I might be thinking of the wrong chemical warfare agent.)  Mix ammonia
>with chlorine bleach, basically.  That's why there are all of those
>warnings on the packages.  It won't be as concentrated as the stuff used in
    Yes, the combination of the bleach and ammonia solution generates chlorine
gas ( Cl2 ), which can do a number on your lungs. Read a graphic description
once of a soldier coughing up blood and giving all the appearances of dying
**very** painfully.  This is not the way to go if you're not a masochist...and
even the masochists would do well to consider other means.

euclid
--
Euclid K.
standard disclaimers apply
It will be generally found that those who sneer habitually at human nature
and affect to despise it, are among its worst and least pleasant examples
                                     ----Charles Dickens
From: R.Dodgin@bradford.ac.uk (R DODGIN)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: ????
Date: 10 Jan 93 15:27:47 GMT
Organization: University of Bradford, UK
Originator: 91760652@ccw307


 Hi all, I've just got back to Bradford after my Xmas break , Anything
 of any interest going on here lately ????



            KHARE xxx




-- 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
||  Rich "KHARE" Dodgin      | Too many unknowns in your life ???    ||
||  R.Dodgin@uk.ac.bradford  | Too many onions in mine.              ||
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
From: lewis@aera8700.mitre.org (Keith Lewis)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: I have nothing left.  Clarification and continuation.
Date: 6 Jan 93 21:04:40 GMT
Organization: The MITRE Corporation

In article <C0B5n6.CCp@panix.com>, rpowers@panix.com (Richard Powers) writes:
>In <C08y74.93F@panix.com> rpowers@panix.com (Richard Powers) writes:
>
>>I found out yesterday that my two "best friends" went to a party New
>>Years Eve.  Obviously they didn't invite me.  Now, what gets me is this:
>
>To anyone who got the idea that the two people in question went
>"together" as in dating, sorry.  I didn't mean to give that
>impression.  Is is _definately_ not true.

How do you know that?  Maybe they are considering dating but feel
uncomfortable telling you because they both know that you want her.

>>When Steve (friend #1) told me about this, I was shocked.  I told him
>>"You realize I'm pissed."  He gets all defensive, like I have no right...
>
>He called me up today.  After the hellos, he says: "I guess you're
>still pissed".  I said "yeah".  

Did you call them up and invite them anywhere for NYE?  If yes, they
probably lied about their plans.  If no, you should next time -- it might
change the outcome.

>>Well, I wasn't exactly on an even keel at this point anyway, so this
>>tottally set me off- adrenaline rush- I was back in before I even
>>realized it and I get in a shouting/pushing match with Chris (my...
>
>By the time Chris and the rest got home, it was late and I was asleep.
>I got up about 1:30pm, and stayed in my room.  Chris went back up to
>school, and never attempted to say anything to me, not even goodbye.

Sounds like he was on some sort of macho trip.  I can't believe I'm saying
this, but that kind of thing from a brother calls for violence.  No, I don't
mean that you should try to kill or injure him.  Just "Why don't you come
outside with me and we'll talk about it."  Then when he gets there, tackle
him.  Of course, if you're not evenly matched, this is stupid and pointless.
But if you are, it gives you both a chance to work off some steam.

Keith Lewis             klewis@mitre.org          "Mr. Cheap"
I don't dance to music; music dances to me.  Email me for my PGP key.
The above may not (yet) represent the opinions of my employer.
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: brown@NCoast.ORG (Stan Brown)
Subject: Re: Help
Organization: Oak Road Systems, Cleveland Ohio USA
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 15:29:35 GMT

In article <mjc.726510741@NL.CS.CMU.EDU> mjc+@cs.cmu.edu (Monica Cellio) writes:
>
>Also, doctors do not have to keep a confidence; if they did, it would be
>a lot more difficult to commit people.  Some doctors are slime and will 
>tell you information is confidential when it isn't; 

Or that if you commit yourself voluntarily you can leave when you want.
I don't know about other states, but in Ohio that's simply false.

Caveat patient.
-- 
Stan Brown, Oak Road Systems                      brown@Ncoast.ORG
Cleveland, Ohio, USA

"Life!  Don't talk to me about life!"
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday,alt.angst
From: euclid@mrcnext.cso.uiuc.edu (Euclid K.)
Subject: I'm not paid for this commercial (was: Anyone else found this yet?
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 22:10:08 GMT

No, haven't found it, but i discovered a good comic book at the union bookstore.
It's "Depression is Fun", by Nina Paley.  Laughed my head off over it, and then
had to put the book down and blindly feel around on the floor for my head.
Found it eventually.  8 b

Yo!
e.k.
--
Euclid K., euclid@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu (preferred)
standard disclaimers apply
It will be generally found that those who sneer habitually at human nature
and affect to despise it, are among its worst and least pleasant examples
                                     ----Charles Dickens
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: euclid@mrcnext.cso.uiuc.edu (Euclid K.)
Subject: Re: Help and taping conversations
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 20:04:48 GMT

harrison@cs.ubc.ca (James Harrison) writes:

>But if were really worried about big brother would we be posting here?
    It's possible.  Some folks will post, but refuse to post anything they
fear will be used against them in some way.  

euclid
--
Euclid K.
standard disclaimers apply
It will be generally found that those who sneer habitually at human nature
and affect to despise it, are among its worst and least pleasant examples
                                     ----Charles Dickens
From: rpowers@panix.com (Richard Powers)
Subject: I have nothing left?  Update.  (As if anyone cares).
Organization: PANIX Public Access Unix, NYC
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 07:51:00 GMT

In <1993Jan4.175123.794@scorch.apana.org.au> jarqui@scorch.apana.org.au (Jared Quinn) writes:

>Well can't be that bad.. Your born on the same date as me!!!

And Martin Luther King, Jr.  

I said: "...where _is_ that methods file?  What did it say about CO
poisoning?"

It doesn't say much.

>Can't  remeber..  I  have  it here somewhere...  I got hold of it long
>ago...  Thankgod  I  am no longer as suicidal as i was...  I have only
>tried once... but thats once too many!

Its always one time too few.

Its twice so far for me.  (Third times the charm?)


Well, heres the update part:

Steve called again.  I was cooled off enough, and he was without
attitude enough that I didn't hang up on him.  We eventually sorted
out (after I came quite close to sobbing.  I wont go into all the
details), that he didn't think I wouldn't have something to do on New
Years, while I swear we had talked about it a week before.

Anticlimactic?  He is acting like nothing ever happened now, but I
can't get over something like this like a snap.  I don't expect things
will ever be exactly the same between us...  It took forever just to
get him to admit that I ever had a right to be mad.  He never
apologized.  The closest he came was to say he was sorry that I got
mad. 



Part II:  my brother.

Chris called.  He _did_ apologize.  More than once.  He didn't really
have an explanation.  He more or less said he didn't know what he was
thinking at the time, but he was sorry.




If the above is disjointed and doesn't make sense, I'm sorry.  My mind
isn't very clear right now.  It _is_ 3AM, but that shouldn't matter
since I'm usually up later than this.

-- 
 Richard Powers    / Huh?  David Letterman is whipping  / Apathy.
rpowers@panix.com / his microphone with a rubber hose. /
	         /  No, wait!  Thats beef jerky!      /   Hail Eris! 

Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday