Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: Bi space
From: moselecw@elec.canterbury.ac.nz (C.W. Moseley)
Date: 1 Sep 92 10:43:00 +1200
Distribution: world
Organization: Electrical Engineering, University of Canterbury, New Zealand

liz@fruit-and-fibre.ai.mit.edu (Liz A. Highleyman) writes:
[i want Bi-Space...]
> These spaces either tend to be gay-identified activist groups
> who meet in LG centers, and where expressing opposite sex
> attraction is frowned upon, or ``sexually liberated'' groups
> that espouse bisexuality, but really don't accept same-sex
> relationships, especially long term serious ones, and in
> which female same-sex behavior is much more acceptable than
> male same sex behavior.  
> 
> Can there even *be* bi space that is welcoming to all bis?

we have sort of got it. But then, there's only about 10 people
in the group who are there all the time? It does work, we all
make it work. The trick seems to be to concentrate in why people
are doing X, and whether it feels right. It does require a lot
of co-operation, and everyone has to help build the atmosphere.
And, talking out why you want the group, what each person is
there for. Especially if there are people there to get away
from their form of monosexuality (ie lesbian bi's getting into a space
where they can feel OK with men quite often feel uncomfortable
with lesbian behavior round them) this can be difficult.
The usual solution: split into causcuses and meet as a whole
occaisionally.

We have had a few comments on the het. way the group is going,
but at the same time many of us are there to meet motss partners,
and talk about that side of their lives. For me, it's meeting
people I don't have to circle round for half an hour before I
can get an introductory hug. (never having been happy with `ye
olde A frame' hug).

BiFocal seems to work by:
we start with `show and tell'. where each person in turn gives
a summary of their week, and introduces their bi-friendly if they
bought one, gives out any interesting articles or net-stuff etc.

(oh, here bi-friendly is a corollary of queer-friendly, BiSexuals
are, well, BiSexuals) : this is not meant as a flame, more explaining
a difference in terminology

when you arrive for the first time, we do a name round,
which you are not expected to memorise! (happily, as I cannot
remember peoples names most of the time `joan, meet my partner
...umm (blush)' is about where I'm at)

then we finish the gossip round, and your part of it (last) is usually
an introduction, and why you are here, what you are looking for
thing. We prompt you lots, in a happy way, lots of laughing
with each others questions, and getting each other to answer them
(for themselves, of course)

Everyone has the right to pass, not answer questions or say
anything if they don't want to. Politeness is that we don't stare
at you or question you if you decline to talk. We all do this
at times. Retraction is also OK, and changing your mind is
encouraged.

actually, maybe we also have it that you must be prepared to
answer your own question?? Dunno, it's not that formal.

Mostly we laugh a lot, and it is quite casual. And because
most of us have some counselling experience (usually from
both sides) and can facilitate quite well it all works.

*hugs*
MOZ