From: jgrimm@TorreyPinesCA.ncr.com (Jeffrey Grimmett 9999)
Subject: Re: Amiga sightings and other things BLAZEMONGER-y
Organization: NCR (Torrey Pines Development Center)
Disclaimer: This posting does not necessarily reflect the opinions of NCR.
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 92 19:39:03 GMT

Quoth barrett@scooby.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett):

]> >> (Although I hear that a computer is not actually needed to play...)
]> 
]> In article <1992Nov10.185157.2835@TorreyPinesCA.ncr.com> jgrimm@TorreyPinesCA.ncr.com (Jeffrey Grimmett 9999) writes:

]> >This is true.  Almost any household appliance will work.  However, I have
]> >found a bug.  Be very careful around the kitchen appliances.  I tried using
]> >it in a toaster and it got confused looking for the "newKikiEffects"
]> >hardware register and welll....
]> >
]> >well, the eyebrows are growing back pretty evenly, so no big deal.
]> 
]> 	People, people... don't call it a BUG unless (A) you are ABSOLUTELY
]> SURE, (B) you can REPRODUCE the problem consistently, and (C) you ENJOY
]> being torn apart by the "Customer Service" attack otters.

I almost gave CS a call before my sanity kicked back in... close call...

But, I must insist that this lame code be repaired!  Not being able to tell
the difference between a NewTek Toaster and a Proctor-Silex.. sheesh.  I mean,
what does it do in a Toaster VurkStation?  Spew English Muffins?

<at light speed?>

]> 	If you would stop SNIVELING for a minute and turn to page mmxvii of
]> the Preface in your BLAZEMONGER Guidebook, you'll see that it states QUITE
]> CLEARLY that you should "never, never, NEVER attempt to run BLAZEMONGER on a
]> kitchen appliance unless you are prepared to suffer the consequences."  Even

Hey, it also says that on page mmxi when it states " Never attempt to run
BLAZEMONGER on ANYTHING unless you are prepared to accept the concequences."
So what's the diff?

]> the ULTIMATE PROGRAMMERS at BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED cannot anticipate all
]> the bugs and flaws hidden in your toaster, electric cheese de-icer,
]> knockwurst inflater, or other forbidden products lurking in your home.

Hah.  Typical Euro-trash programmers imported from Lower East Wegoslovia I
bet.  Typical, just typical.

]> 	Also, to quote from the warranty, chapter LXI, section 19.2:
]> 
]> 		"Only BLAZEMONGER-approved appliances should be placed
]> 		within a 20-kilometer radius of the BLAZEMONGER game disk.
]> 		The ONLY approved appliances are:  Commodore Amiga computers
]> 		and peripherals, "Model T" automobiles, electric circular
]> 		saw blades of at least twelve thousand meters in diameter,
]> 		and "My Little Pony" dolls with the heads ripped off.
]> 
]> 		"Placing any non-approved appliances in the vicinity may
]> 		cause unpredictable (well, unpredictable to YOU) game
]> 		behavior, strange weather patterns, nuclear fallout, and/or
]> 		the end of the universe as we know it.  And, God forbid, if
]> 		you actually attempt to LOAD the executable image into a
]> 		non-approved appliance, it might do something REALLY nasty."
]> 
]> In other words, be glad it was your EYEBROWS and not your NOOKERS, lad.

Yessir.  Oh, I'm glad all right.  You're gonna find out HOW glad real soon
now.  Look for my little "shareware fee."  <hehehe....>

]> 	I hope this little reminder will help a few other BLAZEMONGER owners
]> avoid a terrible mistake.  Remember:  it is a PRIVILEGE, not a RIGHT, to
]> play BLAZEMONGER.  (See chapter 912 of the Guidebook for details.)  If
]> you ABUSE the privilege, BLAZEMONGER might abuse YOU!  So just be nice,
]> enjoy the game, and don't try any FUNNY STUFF with your executable.
					   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hah.  Tell that to your programmers.  Talk about funny stuff....

]> 	(Um.... Well, there is ONE non-approved appliance that, when
]> BLAZEMONGER is loaded into it, begins spewing out solid gold coins.  But
]> don't try to find out which one.  It's too dangerous.)
]> 
]> 	(Heh heh.)

Well, oops, didn't read this far down... guess I should have.  The doctor
says that the body cast will be able to come off within a month or so.  Thank
goodness BLAZEMONGER has such a flexible interface design!  It's a RIOT when
played on an EKG monitor!  You should see the looks on the nurses' faces!

Almost makes it worth the while...

-- 
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Jeff Grimmett [SuperBitMap BBS]          * fido!1:202/1401.0 [619-460-7290]
jeff_grimmett@f1401.n202.z1.fidonet.org  * jgrimm@TorreyPinesCA.ncr.com
  My employer doesn't allow me to have opinions -- so don't tell 'em I do!
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