HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 00:50:32 EST
From: S. Wukovitz <SXW103@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: And a Happy New Year!
 <1992Dec11.053107.2508@news.duc.auburn.edu>
 <1992Dec14.160752.22146@blaze.cs.jhu.edu>

In article <1992Dec14.160752.22146@blaze.cs.jhu.edu>, callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu
(Paul Callahan) says:
>singram@eng.auburn.edu (Scott Ingram) writes:
>>find a place to stay. So I became Reclusive-Man. This pissed off my friends
>>to no end. Why? I had been so nice and social for the past month, and now
>>I just abandon them.
>Hey, they like you enough to be pissed at your absence.  Must be nice...
Yeah :-(  Must be nice to *have* friends who don't require the use of a
modem or Sprint to contact...

Gee, let's see, there are two friends left who are even in contact on a
semi-regular basis...some housemates who, once they find better people
to hang out with, do so... and my fiance, without whom I would have very
little motivation for existence (long distance relationship).

Every time I think I have made a friend, the person gets a girlfriend or
boyfriend, then ignores me.  Or else it's a guy and he finds out that I'm
attached and either starts avoiding me or (in one recent case) starts
trying to make a pass anyway.  Whatever happened to *friendship* as
opposed to sexual attraction or I'll-be-friendly-while-it-is-convenient-
ness?

Dunno why this happens now.  I never had any friends in high school, but
I thought I had learned social skills as an undergrad!  As a grad student
it has been impossible for me to feel a part of things, though I have
tried joining stuff.  Even the two friends I have left from my undergrad
are slipping away slowly, though I have called and written a lot.

With no explanation, my roommate through all 4 years of college broke
off contact with me and then got married this past September...invited
many people (I heard this second hand) but not me.

It's uncomfortable to realize that there are maybe 3 people (parents
and fiance) who would care if I dropped off the face of the Earth...
I don't get it.  Maybe I'm not worth getting to know or worth keeping
as a friend.  But I am going to crack soon if this goes on much
longer...really.

I really don't believe that I am posting this.  Maybe it'll be better
as I spend more time here...who knows.

-S. Wukovitz
sw18@crux2.cit.cornell.edu
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu (have clue, will travel)
Subject: Re: Depression
Keywords: Ah may have found me a home.
Reply-To: jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu
Organization: The Ghost Of Christmas Past Society
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 02:13:56 GMT


callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan) writes:
>But you know, you reach a stage where you start to envy the people who
>have a much easier time of it all.  Like, you meet some woman you can identify 
>with (in itself a rarity) and suddenly everything she does is important: 
>Every time she smiles or laughs at your jokes, you're floating for days. 
>Every time she's in a bad mood, you imagine she hates you and get depressed.

*DING!* *DING!* *DING!*  The bells of recognition just broke into a chorus.

Infatuation, even on subtle levels, is a MIGHTY powerful tool. 

>For me, this has to go on for quite a while before I'm willing to risk 
>rejection by asking her out.

Yup.  Without obvious signs of encouragement, I tend to err WILDLY on the
side of discretion--partially because when I'm TRULY sure of myself and get
shot down, the wound to the ego will be that much more painful. Sustaining
a positive attitude through anticipating a negative result can help; if things
don't click, you've prepared yourself--if they do, it's bonus point time.

Unfortunately, he who hesitates is lost for the most part in the dating scene.
I end up in a rather fun vicious circle where I question my own attractiveness/
personality/etc. extensively when I'm rejected, taking it as a personal 
affront, which makes it that much harder to build up confidence the NEXT time.

Somehow, I have a feeling that I just repeated parts of the FAQ. ;)

>In precisely the same time period, it's quite 
>possible that she'll meet some random bozo and they'll "wind up in bed," as
>people seem to do. (I find that phrase particularly jarring, and in this 
>context, equivalent to a mountain climber saying he "wound up" at the peak of
>Everest.) It's things like this that get to me, not abstract notions about 
>whether or not I have a life.

For the most part, girls I've known have wanted to open up to me either 
physically or emotionally--not both.  (So to speak.)  The aggressive types
get the former, while the shy, sensitive types get the latter.  Neither one
is necessarily bad; a slice of the other guy's pie is nice to taste once in a
while, though.


--
     jecoleb@eos.ncsu.edu    \\---//  have clue, will travel.
       ---------------------------------------------------
     It's time to see the world / It's time to kiss the girl
              It's time to cross the wild meridian
  Grab your bag and take a chance / Time to learn a Cajun dance
             Kid, you're gonna see the morning sun...
From: bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: the usual Ian Hunter syndrome
Date: 15 Dec 1992 17:52:45 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc10.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, Paul Callahan says:

>Scenes from the depths of my past:
>
>I'm holding this woman and hoping to death that maybe--just possibly--the 
>welling excitement I feel isn't entirely one-sided.
>
>Then she says "I feel so... safe."
>
>Talk about breaking a spell.

Why is this the kiss of death?  Trust is essential in a relationship,
in my opinion.  If you're not threatening, you're not exciting?  

I don't understand...

I think there is a nice middle ground between brotherly and dangerous,
you know?  I like to be attracted to guys with whom I feel safe.

-Jeanne
From: vance@lpl.arizona.edu (Vance Haemmerle x4021)
Newsgroups: alt.angst,rec.arts.poems,alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: when unrequited love turns in on itself
Summary: "haiku" poetry
Keywords: 23
Date: 11 Dec 92 06:17:42 GMT
Organization: Lunar & Planetary Laboratory, Tucson AZ.


    
    a burning inside
    all consuming firestorm
    robs me of my sleep
    
    a burning inside
    suffocates my oxygen
    makes it hard to breathe
    
    a burning inside
    peels me like onion layers
    makes the tears well up
    
    a burning inside
    the match that starts the flame is
    things that cannot be
    
    a burning inside
    lie here helplessly 'til there's
    nothing left to burn

        - Vance Haemmerle 3/2/92
          For a kiss I couldn't bring myself to do,
          a romance not meant to happen, and still not.

--
Vance Haemmerle                         vance%toyvax@arizona.edu
Tucson, AZ                             vance@vips.lpl.arizona.edu
      * A hopeless romantic who's romantically hopeless *
From: rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu (Rachel J. Perkins)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Camus is my psychotherapist
Date: 17 Dec 92 23:52:34 GMT
Organization: University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ

In article <DUKE.92Dec17180357@portal.paperboy.osf.org> duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard) writes:
>
> bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy) writes:
>
>   In a previous article, duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard) says:
>   >In article <85091@ut-emx.uucp> llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:
>   >
>   >   the stuff i write on this group is total self-indulgence,
>   >
>   >That's why it's so dull, sine.
>
>   And then he says some other things along that same vein.
>
>   I completely disagree. ...
>
>   It serves no purpose for you to post a negative response.
>
>Are you perhaps confused about which newsgroup this is?  I 
>think you may have been looking for alt.chat.nice or maybe
>alt.fan.smurf.  
>
>Negativity is the point, Jeanne Leidy.


no, angst is the point. criticisms go elsewhere. unless you're trying to
cause angst, which might be applicable. if sine's posts are causing you
angst, then talk about that. or hit k. 

bah.

ObAngst: all the weirdos who seem to have overtaken a.a. for their own
private, obscene flamewar. 

--
		    -just give me what for,
	rachel perkins =  rperkins@astro.as.arizona.edu
      coed naked internet grep! always keep your link up!
Newsgroups: alt.angst,alt.religion.kibology
From: rsholmes@rodan.syr.EDU (Rich Holmes)
Subject: Re: Trip on Space Ship 3.
In-reply-to: boesch@cs.washington.edu's message of 9 Dec 92 04:53:23 GMT
Organization: Syracuse University
	<1992Dec9.045323.5679@beaver.cs.washington.edu>
Date: Thu, 10 Dec 92 15:18:09 EST

In article <1992Dec9.045323.5679@beaver.cs.washington.edu> boesch@cs.washington.edu (Eric Boesch) writes:

> Anyway, I decree that FAQs are IN this year.

Does anyone have the FAQ for Rich Holmes?

--
- Rich Holmes
"Grown men, he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of
accumulated evidence about the way grown men behave, do not behave
like this." -- Douglas Adams
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: matt@crawfish.math.tulane.edu (Matt Hopkins)
Subject: Re: the usual Ian Hunter syndrome
Organization: Computer Science Dept., Tulane Univ., New Orleans, LA
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 22:47:08 GMT
Nntp-Posting-Host-[nntpd-1295]: crawfish.math.tulane.edu

In an article, kimy@wam.umd.edu (Yong-Mi Kim) says some things, including:
> 
> Ah, well, don't we all wish we could inspire mad longing and blind
> love in somebody for whom *we* felt mad longing and desire.  Of
> course the lack of reciprocity does inspire art, at least pop music.

And a nice drinking toast that has gained an uncanny popularity amongst some  
of my fellow barflys:

"Here's to the women that we love, that we love.
 Here's to the women that love us, that love us.
 But the women that we love,
 Are not the women that love us,
 So fuck the women - here's to us!"

By the way, this is easily adaptable for that other gender to use also.

Matt

--
         matt@crawfish.math.tulane.edu (NeXT Mail accepted!)
Matt Hopkins - Tulane University - Dept of Mathematics - New Orleans
 "Regard the society of women as a necessary unpleasantness of life, 
                 and avoid it whenever possible."
Newsgroups: alt.angst,talk.bizarre
From: eric@Turing.ORG (Eric Prestemon)
Subject: Re: syrupy holiday movies (was: this may be angst, I think)
Organization: The Turing Project, Public Access Internet Host
Distribution: usa
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 19:08:29 GMT

In article <1992Dec15.145508.15537@linus.mitre.org> sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay) writes:
>NO!....NO!...NO!..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
>Death to Disco,Lava Lamps, [etc.]

But, but...I thought Lava Lamps were cool again. I mean... all the cool
people at UVA had them... so they must be, you know, normal, I guess.

(Does this mean, like, Duck Boots and, um, Land's End jackets and stuff
like J. Crew aren't cool? Wow. Time to re-think some things...)
Newsgroups: alt.angst,alt.suicide.holiday
From: kimy@wam.umd.edu (Yong-Mi Kim)
Subject: Re: the usual Ian Hunter syndrome
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 19:38:34 GMT

In article <1992Dec15.190106.23699@blaze.cs.jhu.edu> callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan) writes:
>It's just that I'd like to inspire a lot
>*more* than a sense of safety, and in this instance I don't think I was
>succeeding.  It's an issue of conflicting expectations.  I wanted to feel 
>sexually desirable.


Aha - grow your hair long, work on your pecs a bit, and then pose
shirtless for some romance novel covers.  Then make the requisite
mall appearances.  Throngs of lust-crazed women will follow your
every step.  You might even get offered a contract to pen your own
romance novels!  (This has already been done by some Italian stud
named Fabio, by the way)

Ah, well, don't we all wish we could inspire mad longing and blind
love in somebody for whom *we* felt mad longing and desire.  Of
course the lack of reciprocity does inspire art, at least pop music.


yong-mi
the state of Maryland causes angst!
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan)
Subject: Re: fuck the notion of *real* angst
Organization: Johns Hopkins Computer Science Department, Baltimore, MD
Date: Sun, 20 Dec 1992 00:35:51 GMT

I wrote:

>I suggest you LOCK yourself in a room with a COMPLETE collection of Zippy 
>COMICS and several GALLONS of CHEAP VODKA in high density POLYETHYLENE 
>containers (CODE 2).  I feel that as a form of SHOCK THERAPY, this will do 
>wonders to LIBERATE you from your MORBID fixation on WESTERN RATIONALISM.

And PLEASE, spare me the OBVIOUS RIPOSTE that without WESTERN RATIONALISM,
we wouldn't have HIGH DENSITY POLYETHYLENE.

--
Paul Callahan
callahan@cs.jhu.edu
From: bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Camus is my psychotherapist
Date: 16 Dec 1992 01:27:47 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: slc10.ins.cwru.edu


In a previous article, duke@portal.paperboy.osf.org (Duke Robillard) says:

>In article <85091@ut-emx.uucp> llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:
>
>   i just wanna talk about being self-indulgent. the stuff i write on
>   this group is total self-indulgence, and i've never pretended
>   otherwise. 
>
>That's why it's so dull, sine.

And then he says some other things along that same vein.

I completely disagree.  I find a lot of what Deb says vastly interesting,
and relevant to my life, even though my life is superficially
quite different from hers.  She is one of the precious souls on this
newsgroup with the ability to describe a feeling in such a way that
it is immediately recognized by others, who may, like I, have wished that
they could so elegantly and accurately identify their own feelings.

Maybe you see no value in certain posts.  It's obviously your privilege
to avoid reading them.  If no one responds, Deb will get the message and
stop posting.  But as long as other people in the group respond, and
appreciate what she has to say, then it's valuable for her to share her
thoughts.  It serves no purpose for you to post a negative response.

-Jeanne
Newsgroups: alt.angst,alt.suicide.holiday
From: ivy@camelot.bradley.edu (Ivelisse Atiles)
Subject: Re: Depression
Organization: Bradley University
Date: 15 Dec 92 16:22:42 GMT

In <1992Dec14.205332.19387@leland.Stanford.EDU> underdog@leland.Stanford.EDU (Dwight Joe) writes:

>Owen, I'm not going to tell you that it will all work out.  I'm
>not going to tell you that life is fair.  I would be lying.

Okay so far.

>I can you that you are not alone.  I used to know quite a few people in
>your predicament.  One of the best ways to deal with this is to drink
>some alcohol.
>Afterwards, when you are still a little tipsy and not quite so
>depressed, a solution (or not) might dawn on you.  One strategy might
>be to seek out women (Can't live with 'em!  Can't live without 'em!)
>who are in a similar predicament as you.  Rare as they might be, they
>do exist.  Trust me.
>If that doesn't work, you can always drink some more.  An hour of
>contentment in a day full of misery is better than nothing.

No no no no no no.
While drinking alcohol may help quell any misgivings in any social
situation, it actually causes more problems than it might solve.
Believe me. I *know*!!!! I know I know I know I know.
Though I wouldn't knock the use of alcohol *entirely* (maybe
I should, but I won't), I would say avoid drinking if at all
possible.  Any "contentment" alcohol might cause you is, at best
purely imaginary, and at worst, temporary.

(Sorry--just trying to help)

--
Ivelisse Atiles       @}--}--}--     Forever searching, never right. I am lost
ivy@camelot.bradley.edu          in oceans of night. Forever hoping I can find
Bradley University             memories... those memories I left behind. -Enya
From: callahan@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu (Paul Callahan)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: And a Happy New Year!
Date: 14 Dec 92 16:07:52 GMT
Organization: Johns Hopkins Computer Science Department, Baltimore, MD

singram@eng.auburn.edu (Scott Ingram) writes:

>Well... I finally moved into my new place, still wrapped up in self-
>loathing and depression, and now didn't have to interact with anyone to 
>find a place to stay. So I became Reclusive-Man. This pissed off my friends
>to no end. Why? I had been so nice and social for the past month, and now
>I just abandon them. 

Hey, they like you enough to be pissed at your absence.  Must be nice...

--
Paul Callahan
callahan@cs.jhu.edu
Xref: sparky alt.angst:4776 alt.suicide.holiday:3057
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 12:10:33 EST
From: <SMS137@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: A holiday poem

The young bastard's face all covered with candy cane
how cute.........  lick lick  lick


lick lick lick        All is well, all is bright the young bastard
may have trouble sleeping tonight

No not the excitemant of opening gifts, just the horror of discovering rifts...


Lick lick lick  ---------- but who gives a shit?

every lick a fleeting respite.



This portion of a poem(?) was recited to me in a dream by ALF, tv's wise-cracki
alien.  HE CAME TO ME IN A DREAM wearing a Santa cap and sporting a clean-shave
genitalia area.  Can you help me?
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: winkern@columbia.dsu.edu (NANCY MARIE WINKER)
Subject: Re: And a Happy New Year!
Organization: Dakota State University
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 03:48:39 GMT

>It's uncomfortable to realize that there are maybe 3 people (parents
>and fiance) who would care if I dropped off the face of the Earth...
>I don't get it.  Maybe I'm not worth getting to know or worth keeping
>as a friend.  But I am going to crack soon if this goes on much
>longer...really.
>
>
>-S. Wukovitz
>sw18@crux2.cit.cornell.edu

Please help me figure out why it is so important that other people care 
about your dropping off the face of the Earth.  Why are other people's 
feelings toward yourself more important than your own?
Newsgroups: alt.angst,rec.arts.poems,alt.suicide.holiday
From: sp15@quads.uchicago.edu (steven  paul)
Subject: Re: a return to the void (poem)
Reply-To: sp15@midway.uchicago.edu
Organization: University of Chicago Computing Organizations
Distribution: world,local
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 08:46:01 GMT

In article <14DEC92082010@pyros.hacks.arizona.edu> vance%toyvax@arizona.edu writes:
>
> a return to the void
>
>
> this void is my home
> a self-imposed exile
> immeasurable distance
> from the unattainable
>
> asleep in emptiness
> adrift in time
> a beautiful voice
> awakens me
>
>          -
>
> a sojourn outside these confines
> let me see the sun does still shine
> but i do not deserve the sun
> and she can never be mine
>
> i walked among all the others
> to find any compared to the sun
> all were colorless and ashen faces
> devoid of life, except for this one
>
> i will miss the bursts of laughter
> the joy in my heart beholden
> but i realize that i cannot stay
> for all those moments were stolen
>
>          -
>
> so i embrace the void
> it is my only lover
> it sucks up my secrets
> and silences my troubles
>
> yes, i fear the void
> but i can cry no longer
> so i return to the void
> and let it take me
> take me
> take me
>
>
>
>--
>Vance Haemmerle                         vance%toyvax@arizona.edu
>Tucson, AZ                             vance@vips.lpl.arizona.edu
>      * A hopeless romantic who's romantically hopeless *




"HE CAME, NOT I"  -- Steven E. Paul


Sheets wet with sex, blankets tossed upon cold tile...
Clothing desperately clinging to bed posts, 
Pillows supporting...
    Comforting...
    Hiding...
    Fevered flesh...
    Kneeling before GOD...

I saw as HE came

Holy fetishes cetered around holier relics...

    I gave testiment to him...
      He took upon himself my prayers--
        Carnal moans and yearnings...

        Delieverence has never been so fulfilling--
   Communion, never so gratifying...

        I think I'll come
    To His Church...

        ...MORE OFTEN...

-- 
____________________________________________________________________________
STEVEN E. PAUL                         *   "A LOVER WHO HAS KNOWN NO LOVE...
sp15@midway.uchicago.edu               *             THIS AM I..."
                                       *
From: elliott-bruce@yale.edu (Bruce Elliott)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Weight loss
Date: 13 Dec 1992 21:44:19 -0500
Organization: Yale University Science & Engineering UNIX(tm), New Haven, CT 06520-2158
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: minerva.cis.yale.edu


I know quite a number of people who when stressed or depressed tend to eat
a lot and gain weight.  Such people are invariably displeased with their
normal weight and become even more so when they gain weight.

Why am I the other way around?  Last spring during finals time I lost five 
pounds since I became nauseated after eating a few bites of food.  Last
time I weighed myself I weighed myself, I was at 119 lbs, which is about
ten pounds under my normal weight and fifteen under the "ideal" weight
for my height, gender, and body frame.

Is it just me or do other skinny people get more so under stress?
Is this more common among men that women?  (It seems that an underweight
man is considered less attractive than an underweight woman.)

Alex.
Organization: Arizona State University
Date: Monday, 14 Dec 1992 08:07:36 MST
From: <IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET>(Jo) (its me, its me, its me)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Camus is my psychotherapist

As long as we're going for the mint chocolate chip ice cream,
I would suggest hershey's chocolate syrup too.....

what the hell.././././/./././.


j.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: kimy@wam.umd.edu (Yong-Mi Kim)
Subject: Re: Fuck Christmas
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 16:17:13 GMT

In article <BzCtC4.KMC@nic.umass.edu> jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl) writes:
>Personally I miss the good old-fashioned slam-dance ring.  Slam-dancing had
>grace and style - there was a *technique* goddam it!  And the momentum you
>got from swinging your ams and legs led to greater power behind your kicks
>and slugs.
>
>The mosh pit is just a mess!  Banging into people randomly - so unaesthetic.


Aha!  Thanks for clearing that up for me.
I actually had managed to convince myself that the reason I could not
make myself go near a mosh pit was that I was way too old to be doing
this any more.  I mean, back when I was a young and sprightly lass, I
could last entire sets in slam-dance rings.  Then I started going to
shows these young kids nowadays go to, and discovered myself backing
away in horror from these masses of people banging into each other!
Oh, the shame, the shame.  It's not my kind of music, I said.  It's
too loud.  And then finally I said, I'm too old for this.

But now it turns it was all a misunderstanding from my part.



yong-mi
old fogey early 80's holdover