From: mstemper@ems.cdc.com (Michael Stemper)
Newsgroups: soc.men,soc.women,alt.child-support
Subject: Re: Equal Male Rights
Date: 21 Aug 92 17:43:30 GMT
Reply-To: mstemper@ems.cdc.com
Followup-To: soc.men
Distribution: na
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of Ceridian

In article <+j_nzs#@lynx.unm.edu>, bevans@carina.unm.edu (Mathemagician) writes:
|> 
|>                                                  There is a very
|> unequal status here.  When the biological mother has a child, she has
|> the right to keep it and go it alone, keep it and sue for child
|> support, or give it up for adoption and sever all rights and
|> responsibilites.  The biological father, on the other hand, is
|> completely at the mercy of the mother.  If she decides to keep it and
|> go it alone, he has to go to court to get visitation rights.
|> 
|> >Is this a personal question? Are you seeking to prevent losing custody
|> >to your child or are you asking on behalf of someone who is?
|> 
|> No, it isn't a personal question.  I don't have children and don't
|> plan on having any.  I know of nobody who is in this particular
|> situation, personally.

Well, here I am.

When the woman who became my son's mother called and told me that she
was pregnant, she asked me what I wanted to do about it. She told me
that she had already decided not to keep it. I told her that I needed
time to think about it. I then also told her that I didn't want an
abortion. 

"That's up to me, and you don't have any say in it."

So, she could abort the child against my wishes or (if my feelings on
abortion had been different) she could have brought it to term against
my wishes. She had the power of life or death over my child, while I
had no choice. Thank God that she didn't kill him!

After thought, I decided that I would not be able to raise a child
myself. I also thought that a child would be better off in a "normal"
family (i.e., two parents). I called her and gave her my decision.
We agreed that the child would be put up for adoption and that I
would pay half of her maternity expenses. She then told me that she
would call me when it was time to sign the papers releasing him
for adoption. 

We had an agreement, which I had had a voice in. 

Then, six or eight weeks later, she called to tell me that she had
changed her mind and was going to keep the child and that I should
see a lawyer, because she was not going to talk to me any more. 

So much for the first part of the agreement (child going up for
adoption). I assumed (wrongly) that the second part (going halves)
would still ocurr. 

Well, I know a lot better now. She had talked to Hennepin County
(MN) and they had explained to her about 25% of income for eighteen
years. Can you say "gold mine"? I knew you could. So much for the
second part of the agreement. 

$2000+ later in lawyer's fees, I finally got to see my son (and begin
paying CS). BTW, the paternity action was initiated by me, because she
was refusing to acknowledge me as his father, let me see him, etc. She
was going to start an action against me when the (free) lawyer from
Hennepin County D.A. was available, and had no intention of letting
me see him any sooner.

So, now we have a court-approved agreement, I get to see my son, she
got to buy a house. EXCEPT, next October, all agreements can be thrown
out at the whim of the state.

It seems to me that there might be just a slight tilt towards the mothers
here in terms of choice?

Don't get me wrong, I love my son. He spends two to three weekends
a month with me. He spent five weeks with me this summer :->. I just
got off the phone with him before sitting down to write this. But,
sometimes my asshole still feels sore after five years of choices.

-- 
#include <Standard_Disclaimer.h>
Michael F. Stemper
Power Systems Consultant
mstemper@ems.cdc.com
Xref: sparky soc.men:15082 soc.women:15349 misc.legal:16082 alt.child-support:2772 alt.dads-rights:2013