From: v067njzu@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Wallace W Ackerson)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Blonde jokes
Date: 2 Oct 92 05:13:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <1992Sep18.141829.6071@infonode.ingr.com>, ursekarm@infonode.ingr.com (Mahesh Ursekar) writes...
>Disclaimer:
>	These jokes are not mine.. I just compiled them together from several
>  people in the mail. This is the most complete blonde joke list I know.
>	This list is divided into several parts:
>     1) Jokes in the Question and Answer forms -there are 263
>     2) Longer jokes; there are 25 ranging from 4 to 18 lines
> 
>					ENJOY!
>				KAMISAMA (nakazawa@eniac.cis.upenn.edu)
>_____________________________________________________________________________
> 
>               The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes (287)
>               --------------------------------------
> 
>1.   Q:   What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
>     A:   Gifted!
> 
>2.   Q:   How do blonde braincells die?
>     A:   Alone.
> 
>3.   Q:   What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
>     A:   Pregnant.
> 
>4.   Q:   How do you brainwash a blonde?
>     A:   Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
> 
>5.   Q:   What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
>     A:   Artificial intelligence.
> 
>6.   Q:   How does a blonde part their hair?
>     A1:  (Action of scissoring legs apart)
>     A2:  By doing the splits.
> 
>7.   Q:   Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
>     A:   Because they can't even keep two calves together!
> 
>8.   Q:   What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
>     A:   Nothing.  They've never met.
> 
>9.   Q:   Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
>     A:   Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
> 
>10.  Q:   When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
>     A:   After a dye job.
> 
>11.  Q:   Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
>     A1:  She'd just dyed her hair.
>     A2:  She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around
>          too much.
> 
>12.  Q:   Why do blondes wear their hair up?
>     A:   To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
> 
>13.  Q:   Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
>     A:   You can park in the handicap zone.
> 
>14.  Q:   What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
>     A:   An IN-body experience!
> 
>15.  Q:   Why is a blonde like a turtle?
>     A:   They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
> 
>16.  Q:   What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a 
>          recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
>     A:   Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
> 
>17.  Q:   What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
>     A:   Humpme Dumpme.
> 
>18.  Q:   How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
>     A:   Shine a flashlight in their ear.
> 
>19.  Q:   How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
>     A:   Shine a torch in her ears.
> 
>20.  Q:   Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
>     A:   It takes too long to retrain them.
> 
>21.  Q1   How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
>     A:   There's white-out on the screen.
>     Q2:  How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
>     A:   There's writing on the white-out.
> 
>22.  Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
>     A:   You only have to punch information into a computer once.
> 
>23.  Q:   What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
>     A:   You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go
>          down on you.
> 
>24.  Q:   What did the blonde think of the new computer?
>     A:   She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
> 
>25.  Q:   Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
>     A:   (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
> 
>26.  Q:   How do you kill a blonde?
>     A:   Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
> 
>27.  Q:   How do blondes pierce their ears?
>     A:   They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
> 
>28.  Q:   Why don't blondes eat Jello?
>     A:   They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
>          little packages.
> 
>29.  Q:   What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
>     A:   All you can eat, under a buck.
> 
>30.  Q:   Why don't blondes eat pickles?
>     A:   Because they can't get their head in the jar.
> 
>31.  Q:   Why don't blondes eat bananas?
>     A:   They can't find the zipper.
> 
>32.  Q:   Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
>     A:   They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
> 
>33.  Q:   Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
>     A:   To put their feet through.
> 
>34.  Q:   What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
>     A:   Her ankles.
> 
>35.  Q:   Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
>     A:   Because red means stop.
> 
>36.  Q:   Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
>     A:   Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
> 
>37.  Q:   How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
>     A:   By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
> 
>38.  Q:   Why don't blondes use vibrators?
>     A:   They chip their teeth.
> 
>39.  Q:   Why do blondes wear underwear?
>     A:   They make good ankle warmers.
> 
>40.  Q:   What do blondes do for foreplay?
>     A:   Remove their underwear.
> 
>41.  Q:   Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
>     A:   Cause their balls show!
> 
>42.  Q:   What's the mating call of the blonde?
>     A:   "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
> 
>43.  Q:   What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
>     A:   (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
> 
>44.  Q:   What's the mating call of the brunette?
>     A:   "All the blondes have gone home!"
> 
>45.  Q:   What's a brunette's mating call?
>     A:   Has that blonde gone yet?
> 
>46a: Q:   Why do blondes drive BMWs?
>     A:   Because they can spell it.
> 
>  b: Q:   What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
>     A:   A divorcee'.
> 
>47.  Q:   Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in
>          effect in Canada)
>     A:   Because they can spell it.
> 
>48.  Q:   What is 74 to a blonde?
>     A:   69 plus G.S.T.
> 
>49.  Q:   Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
>     A:   Toes Go In First.
> 
>50.  Q:   Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
>     A:   Tits Go In Front.
> 
>51.  Q:   What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
>     A:   An interpreter.
> 
>52.  Q:   What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
>     A:   A mental block.
> 
>53.  Q:   How do you change a blonde's mind?
>     A1:  Blow in her ear.
>     A2:  Buy her another beer.
> 
>54.  Q:   What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
>     A:   "Have another beer."
> 
>55.  Q:   What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
>     A:   Pack their lunch and send them to work.
> 
>56.  Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
>     A1:  Introduces themself.
>     A2:  Walks home.
> 
>57.  Q:   How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
>     A:   Fertilized.
> 
>58.  Q:   How does a blonde like her eggs?
>     A:   Unfertilized.
> 
>59.  Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
>     A:   Opens the car door.
> 
>60.  Q:   How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
>     A:   Kick open the car door.
> 
>61.  Q:   Why do blondes like tilt steering?
>     A:   More head room.
> 
>62.  Q:   Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
>     A:   More leg room.
> 
>63.  Q:   What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
>     A:   Bucket seats.
> 
>64.  Q:   What do blondes say after sex?
>     A1:  "Thanks, Guys!"
>     A2:  "Are you boys all in the same band?"
>     A3:  Do you guys all play for the <team name>?
> 
>65.  Q:   Why is a blonde like a door knob?
>     A:   Because everybody gets a turn.
> 
>66.  Q:   Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
>     A:   Because she's been laid all over the country.
> 
>67.  Q:   What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
>     A:   Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
> 
>68.  Q:   Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
>     A:   *Who cares?*
> 
>69.  Q:   Why do blondes have orgasms?
>     A:   So they know when to stop having sex!
> 
>70.  Q:   How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
>     A1:  She drops her nail-file!
>     A2:  Who cares?
>     A3:  She says, "Next".
>     A4:  The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
>     A5:  He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
>     A6:  I mean, who really cares?
>     A7:  The batteries have run out.
> 
>71.  Q:   What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
>     A:   "Thanks for the refill!"
> 
>72.  Q:   What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
>     A:   Data transfer.
> 
>73.  Q:   Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
>     A:   So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
> 
>74.  Q:   How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
>     A:   She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
>          what she did with her pencil.
> 
>75.  Q:   What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her
>          nametag) ?
>     A:   "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
> 
>76.  Q:   Why do blondes have more fun?
>     A:   Because they don't know any better.
> 
>77.  Q:   How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
>     A1:  "What's a lightbulb?"
>     A2:  One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
>     A3:  Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
> 
>78.  Q:   What's a blonde's favourite wine?
>     A:   "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
> 
>79.  Q:   What do you call a basement full of blondes?
>     A:   A wine cellar.
> 
>80.  Q:   Why are there no dumb brunettes?
>     A:   Peroxide.
> 
>81.  Q:   Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
>     A:   They're doing research on black holes.
> 
>82.  Q:   What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
>     A1:  They both have a black box.
>     A2:  Both have a cockpit.
> 
>83.  Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
>     A:   Not everyone has been in a 747.
> 
>84.  Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
>     A:   Not everybody has been in a limo.
> 
>85.  Q:   What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
>     A:   Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
> 
>86.  Q:   What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>     A:   "Are you sure it's mine?"
> 
>87.  Q:   What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
>     A:   A wind tunnel.
> 
>88.  Q:   What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
>     A:   A dope ring.
> 
>89.  Q:   Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
>          blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
>          Who picks it up?
>     A1:  The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus,
>          the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
>     A2:  None of them.  There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth
>          Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum
>          wrapper.
> 
>90.  Q:   Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
>     A:   To see what was on the other side.
> 
>91.  Q:   What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
>     A:   Pull the pin and throw it back.
> 
>92.  Q:   Why do blondes take the pill?
>     A:   So they know what day of the week it is.
> 
>93.  Q:   Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
>     A:   Because it kept falling out.
> 
>94.  Q:   Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
>     A:   Because her boyfriend was also blond!
> 
>95.  Q:   If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the
>          ground first?
>     A:   The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
> 
>96.  Q:   What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
>     A:   Her IQ goes up!
> 
>97.  Q:   What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
>     A:   A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
> 
>98.  Q:   Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
>     A:   You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
> 
>99.  Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
>     A:   You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
> 
>100. Q:   What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
>     A:   Butter is difficult to spread.
> 
>101. Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
>     A1:  You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
>     A2:  You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
>     A3:  There is no difference. They're both round and have
>          three holes to poke.
> 
>102. Q:   What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
>     A:   Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
> 
>103. Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
>     A:   They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
> 
>104. Q:   What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
>     A:   Bigfoot has been spotted.
> 
>105. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
>     A:   It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
> 
>106. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
>     A:   The blonde has the higher sperm count.
> 
>107. Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of
>          York?
>     A:   The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
> 
>108. Q:   Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
>     A:   Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it
>          won't follow you around for a week.
> 
>109. Q:   What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
>     A:   They both get easier to pick-up with age.
> 
>110. Q:   What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
>     A:   The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
> 
>111. Q:   What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
>     A:   They're both empty from the neck up.
> 
>112. Q:   What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
>     A:   They both wriggle when you eat them.
> 
>113. Q:   Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
>     A:   So she could lip read.
> 
>114. Q:   What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
>     A:   They both have black roots.
> 
>115. Q:   What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
>     A:   Sweet Fuck All...
> 
>116. Q:   How do you drown a blonde?
>     A1:  Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
>     A2:  Don't tell her to swallow.
> 
>117. Q:   Why did the blonde drown in the pool?
>     A:   Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
> 
>118. Q:   Why do blondes have square boobs?
>     A:   Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
> 
>119. Q:   How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
>     A1:  10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
>     A2:  Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
> 
>120. Q:   How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
>     A:   The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
> 
>121. Q:   What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
>     A:   If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
> 
>122. Q:   What's the blonde's cheer?
>     A:   " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
>          I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
> 
>123. Q:   What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
>     A:   Change.
> 
>124. Q:   How does a blonde moonwalk?
>     A:   She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
> 
>125. Q:   Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
>     A:   Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
> 
>126. Q:   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
>     A:   Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
> 
>127. Q:   Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
>     A:   Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
> 
>128. Q:   How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
>     A:   She threw it off a cliff.
> 
>129. Q:   How does a blonde kill a fish?
>     A:   She drowns it.
> 
>130. Q:   Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
>          puzzle in only 6 months?
>     A:   Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
> 
>131. Q:   What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
>     A:   "Nice tits!"
> 
>132. Q:   How does a blonde high-5?
>     A:   She smacks herself in the forehead.
> 
>133. Q:   How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
>     A:   Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
> 
>134. Q:   Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
>     A:   Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
> 
>135. Q:   Why do blondes have legs? 
>     A1:  So they don't get stuck to the ground.
>     A2:  To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
>     A3:  So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
> 
>136. Q:   Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around 
>          and come home?
>     A:   It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a
>          television.
> 
>137. Q:   What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
>     A1:  The blonde!
>     A2:  The other guys waiting their turn.
> 
>138. Q:   How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
>     A:   Flattered.
> 
>139. Q:   Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
>     A:   They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
> 
>140. Q:   What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked 
>          up by "the fuzz"?
>     A:   "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."
> 
>141. Q:   What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
>     A:   Frosted Flakes.
> 
>142. Q:   What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
>     A:   Frosted Flakes.
> 
>143. Q:   How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
>     A:   A 69 interrupted by a period.
> 
>144. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde having her period and
>          a terrorist?
>     A:   You can negotiate with a terrorist.
> 
>145. Q:   What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
>     A:   "Oh look!  Donut seeds!"
> 
>146. Q:   Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
>     A1:  So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
>     A2:  So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
> 
>147. Q:   Why don't blondes breast feed?
>     A:   Because they always burn their nipples.
> 
>148. Q:   Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
>     A:   She kept having affairs with men!
> 
>149. Q:   Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
>     A:   To cover up the valve stem.
> 
>150. Q:   What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
>     A:   Spot.
> 
>151. Q:   What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
>     A:   A Space Invader.
> 
>152. Q:   What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
>     A:   Air Supply.
> 
>153. Q:   What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
>     A:   The back of her head.
> 
>154. Q:   Why do blondes drive VW's?
>     A:   Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
> 
>155. Q:   How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
>     A:   Tell them a joke on Friday night!
> 
>156. Q:   Why did God create blondes?
>     A:   Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
>     Q:   Why did God create brunettes?
>     A:   Neither could the blondes.
> 
>157. Q:   What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
>     A:   Branch Manager.
> 
>158. Q:   How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
>     A:   She fell out of the tree.
> 
>159. Q:   Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
>     A:   So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
> 
>160. Q:   Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
>     A:   A blonde electrician.
> 
>161. Q:   Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
>     A1:  So brunettes can remember them.
>     A2:  Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
> 
>162. Q:   Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
>     A:   She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
> 
>163. Q:   What do you call a smart blonde?
>     A1:  A labrador.
>     A2:  An indicator of a really bad hangover.
> 
>164. Q:   Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
>     A:   Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
> 
>165. Q:   Why do blondes have periods?
>     A:   They deserve them.
> 
>166. Q:   Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
>     A:   Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
> 
>167. Q:   Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
>     A:   She realized she gave her last blowjob.
> 
>168. Q:   What did the blonde do when she got her period?
>     A:   Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
> 
>169. Q:   Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
>     A:   She liked to be filled with cream.
> 
>170. Q:   What did the blonde say to the physicist?
>     A:   "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission!  What do you use for bait?"
> 
>171. Q:   Why are blondes like cornflakes?
>     A:   Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
> 
>172. Q:   How does a blonde hold her liquor?
>     A:   By the ears.
> 
>173. Q:   How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
>     A:   You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
> 
>174. Q:   How do you drive a blonde crazy?
>     A:   Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
> 
>175. Q:   What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
>     A:   Proofreading.
> 
>176. Q:   Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
>     A:   For throwing out the W's.
> 
>177. Q:   Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?
>     A:   She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
> 
>178. Q:   What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
>     A:   Last year's hide and seek champ.
> 
>179. Q:   How do you get a blonde pregnant?
>     A:   Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
> 
>180. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly
>          pygmies?
>     A:   One's a bunch a cunning runts.
> 
>181. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?
>     A:   One's a busy ditch.
> 
>182. Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
>     A:   A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
> 
>183. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
>     A:   In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a
>          blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
> 
>184. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
>     A:   The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
> 
>185. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
>     A:   Your job still sucks after 6 months.
> 
>186. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
>     A:   You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
> 
>187. Q:   What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
>          and a blonde?
>     A:   The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
>          The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
>          The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
> 
>188. Q:   How do you get a blonde to marry you?
>     A:   Tell her she's pregnant.
>     Q:   What will she ask you?
>     A:   "Is it mine?"
> 
>189. Q:   What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
>     A:   An air bag.
> 
>190. Q:   Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde
>          drives a car?
>     A:   Cause she blows the horn!
> 
>191. Q:   What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
>     A:   It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
> 
>192. Q:   Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
>     A:   To turn the blinker off.
> 
>193. Q:   What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
>     A:   A blonde going through a flashing red light.
> 
>194. Q:   What is happening when you hear varoom...screech, varoom...screech,
>          varoom...screech.....?
>     A:   A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a flashing
>          red light.
> 
>195. Q:   Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
>     A:   So her male would get delivered to the right box.
> 
>196. Q:   Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
>          in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
>     A:   They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
> 
>197. Q:   How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
>     A:   By the buckle print on her forehead.
> 
>198. Q:   How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
>     A:   He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her
>          forehead.
> 
>199. Q:   What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
>     A:   She can't say "No".
> 
>200. Q:   What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
>     A:   Retardo.
> 
>201. Q:   What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
>     A:   A visitor.
> 
>202. Q:   Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
>     A:   So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
> 
>203. Q:   How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
>     A:   A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
> 
>204. Q:   Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
>     A:   They keep breaking them with the hammers.
> 
>205. Q:   What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
>     A:   Perri-air.
> 
>206. Q:   Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
>     A:   Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
> 
>207. Q:   Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
>     A:   She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
> 
>208. Q:   When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
>     A:   When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
> 
>209. Q:   What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
>     A:   The Air Pump!
> 
>210. Q:   How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
>     A:   Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
> 
>211. Q:   Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
>     A:   Because she got an F in sex.
> 
>212. Q:   What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
>     A:   Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
> 
>213. Q:   Why did the blonde cross the road?
>     R:   I don't know.
>     A:   Neither did she.
> 
>214. Q:   Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
>     A:   She missed.
> 
>215. Q:   Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
>     A    Because she loved children.
> 
>216. Q:   What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
>     A:   They pull up their pants.
> 
>217. Q:   How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
>     A:   Wave to her.
> 
>218. Q:   Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
>     A:   From dating blonde men.
> 
>219. Q:   To a blonde, what is long and hard?
>     A:   Grade 4.
> 
>220. Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and
>           a refrigerator?
>     A:   A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your
>           meat out of it.
> 
>221. Q:   Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
>     A:   So she could keep the refrigerator cold!
> 
>222. Q:   What is the definition of gross ignorance?
>     A:   144 blondes.
> 
>223. Q:   Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
>     A:   So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
> 
>224. Q:   What does a blonde make best for dinner?
>     A:   Reservations.
> 
>225. Q:   Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
>     A:   So she can have a doggie bag for later.
> 
>226. Q:   How does a blonde get pregnant?
>     A:   And I thought blondes were dumb!
> 
>227. Q:   How about the suicide blonde?
>     A:   She dyed by her own hand.
> 
>228. Q:   Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
>     A:   It swells at night.
> 
>229. Q:   A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
>          She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
>     A:   The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
> 
>230. Q:   Why do blondes like lightning?
>     A:   They think someone is taking their picture.
> 
>231. Q:   Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
>     A:   Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
> 
>232. Q:   Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
>     A:   They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
> 
>233. Q:   How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
>     A:   She has a checkbook.
> 
>234. Q:   How can you tell when a FAX had been sent to a blonde?
>     A:   There is a stamp on it.
> 
>235. Q:   Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a
>          flat forehead?
>     A:   Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
> 
>236. Q:   A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
>          cut it in six or twelve pieces.
>     A:   "Six, please.  I could never eat twelve pieces."
> 
>237. Q:   What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents
>          occur around the home?
>     A:   She moved.
> 
>238. Q:   Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
>     A:   To see what was on the other side.
> 
>239. Q:   What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
>     A:   A blonde parade.
> 
>240. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
>     A:   Your job still sucks after 6 months.
> 
>241. Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley?
>     A:   The shopping trolley has a mind of its own!
> 
>242. Q:   How did the blonde die drinking milk?
>     A:   The cow fell on her.
> 
>243. Q:   Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
>     A:   Too many blondes were drowning.
> 
>244. Q:   Why don't blondes double recipes?
>     A:   The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
> 
>245. Q:   How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
>     A:   She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
> 
>246. Q:   Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
>     A:   They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
> 
>247. Q:   What does a blonde owl say?
>     A:   What, what?
> 
>248. Q:   What do you call 25 blondes on top of each other?
>     A:   An air mattress.
> 
>249. Q:   What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
>     A:   Air bubbles.
> 
>250. Q:   Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
>     A:   They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
> 
>251. Q:   How did the blonde burn her nose?
>     A:   Bobbing for french fries.
> 
>252. Q:   Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
>     A1:  So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
>     A2:  So that when they're on the train they can tell
>          if they're going to work or coming home.
> 
>253. Q:   Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her
>          husband's car?
>     A:   She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
> 
>254. Q:   What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
>     A:   A brain tumor.
> 
>255. Q:  What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
>     A:  Two brunettes.
> 
>256. Q:   What do you call a blonde lesbian?
>     A:   A waste.
> 
>257. Q:   How would a blond punctuate the following?:
>		"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
>     A:   Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
> 
>258. Q:   Why did the blonde cross the road?
>     A:   Never mind that!  What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
> 
>259. Q:   What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common?
>     A:   They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
> 
>260. Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
>     A:   He knows who the ten men were.
> 
>261. Q:   How do you describe the perfect blonde?
>     A:   3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
> 
>262. Q:   What is the definition of the perfect woman?
>     A:   A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
> 
>263. Q:   How do you confuse a blonde?
>     A:   You don't. They're born that way.
> 
>264. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park.  The brunette
>      says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops,
>      looks up, and says, "Where?"
> 
>265. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the
>      wrong way on a one-way street.
>         Cop:      Do you know where you were going?
>         Blonde:   No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
>                    people were leaving.
> 
>266. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
>     a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
>     she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
> 
>     On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
>     "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she
>     had cleaned 43 restrooms.
> 
>267. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
>          "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
>          "Driver's licence? What's that?..."
>          "It's a little card with your picture on it."
>          "Oh, duh! Here it is..."
>          "May I have your car insurance?"
>          "What's that?..."
>          "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
>          "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
>          The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde
>          exclaims:
>          "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
> 
>268. Hubby:        As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we
>                   could do without the ironing lady.
>     Blonde Wife:  Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do
>                   without the gardener.
> 
>269. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
>        Brunette:  Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
>        Blonde:  That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
>        Brunette:  My god! I had no idea he was that good.
>        Blonde:  ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
> 
>270. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
>     them decides to call 911:
>        Blonde:   We need help. We're three blondes changing
>                  a light bulb.
>        Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
>        Blonde:   Yes.
>        Operator: The power in the house in on?
>        Blonde:   Of course.
>        Operator: And the switch is on?
>        Blonde:   Yes, yes.
>        Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
>        Blonde:   No, it's working fine.
>        Operator: Then what's the problem?
>        Blonde:   We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
>                   we all fell and hurt ourselves.
> 
>271. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
>     He wanted to know who the other man was...
> 
>272. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead,
>     and a blonde.  The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and
>     estimated about 20 miles to shore.  So she announced, "I'm going to
>     try to swim to shore."  So she swam out five miles, and got really
>     tired.  She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired
>     to go on, so she drowned.
> 
>     The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it.
>     I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and
>     starve." So she attempts to swim out.  The redhead had a lot more
>     endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even
>     got tired.  After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
> 
>     So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!  I think
>     I'd better try to make it, too."  So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles,
>     15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island.  The shore was just in sight,
>     but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!"  So she swam back.
> 
>273. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when
>     the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull
>     you finger out, I'll sink?"
> 
>274. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down
>     and said,
>         "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
>     The other blonde looks and says,
>         "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." 
>         "No. Those are deer tracks." 
>     They keep arguing, and arguig, and one half hour later, they 
>     were both killed by a train.
> 
>275. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what
>     was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
>     Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about
>     the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and
>     suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook."
> 
>276. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
>     their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
> 
>     Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
> 
>     Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
>               to rain and the top is down!
> 
>277. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying
>     overhead.  Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over
>     her.  The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've
>     hit me right in the face!!!" 
> 
>     Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."
> 
>278. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven.   When she got to the Pearly
>     Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into
>     Heaven, you have to pass a test."
>     "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
>     "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
>     The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
>     "That's interesting...  What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
>     Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me!  Andy talks with me!
>     Andy tells me..."
> 
>279. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
>          "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
> 
>280. A blonde, brunette and redhead went into a bar and told the
>      bartender:
>        Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
>        Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
>        Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
>        Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
>        Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
>        Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
>        Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
>        Bartender: "What's a 15?"
>        Blonde: "7 and 7"
> 
>282.  A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun -
>        they just don't remember who with.
> 
>283.  Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when
>      they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
>      The driver blonde turned to her friend and said, 
>         "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" 
>     To this the other blonde replied 
>         "I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and 
>          drown her."
> 
>284. Over the weekend I(can't remember name - on newsgrazer) heard a 
>      blonde telling this joke:
>        *Blonde Asks:     What do you call a blonde in between two
>                          brunettes?
>        *Blonde Answers:  An interprolater!
>      We were laughing so hard we thought we were going to die. The funny
>       part was that she thought we were laughing at her joke.
> 
>285. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the
>      arrival of their first children. 
>        1st brunette says, "I know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz 
>                             I conceived while I was on my back". 
>        2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on
>                             top during conception".
>        The blonde says,   "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
> 
>286. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In
>      the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
>      wrote this down, went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
>      "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would
>      like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
>      to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was
>      somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said
>      she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this
>      down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
>      The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
>      "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying
>      sod across the street.
> 
>287. Did you hear about the blonde who:
> 
>      a)had more on her body than on her mind?
>      b)was called "Sanka" 'cuz she had no active ingredient in the bean?
>      c)took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
>      d)got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
>      e)was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
>      f)had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
>      g)thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
>      h)went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
>      i)brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
>      j)stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? 
>         It finally dawned on her.
>      k)thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
>      l)started the restaurant with the slogan
>           "Billions Served - just today"?
>      m)went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"?
>         She later found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...