From: drh@spock.EBay.Sun.COM (Live Long and Prosper)
Newsgroups: alt.recovery
Subject: Re: Hello, I am a newbie
Date: 28 Jul 92 21:21:09 GMT
Reply-To: drh@spock.EBay.Sun.COM
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
NNTP-Posting-Host: spock.ebay.sun.com

>
>>i used to hate to listen to people whine at meetings.  "life is so horrible"
>>"nothing good ever happens to me", "my shoelace broke","my spouse left me"
>>"i don't have any money" "i'm not famous".
>

Sometimes, when "being out of touch with your feelings", and when "no one
listened" is the issue.  And how many of us didn't grow up in dysfunctional
families?  Recovery can be sharing *whatever* it is we need to share.
Have you ever listened to Bradshaw "On the Family", or heard a Bob Earl tape?


>>i hated listening to that stuff so much that i would leave.
>
>>where is the discussion on recovery from alcoholism?

I've personally never been to an A.A. meeting where there wasn't enough sharing
about alcoholism, for me.  I have been to some where *denial* of other issues 
was forced upon the newcommer.  But remember, it's principles, not personalities.
I don't fault A.A. even if 99% of it's members acted a certain way, and yet the
Big Book stated another way.

>>where is that good feeling of fellowship?

Go out to coffee afterwards, especially with lots of cigarettes, and tons of sugar.
These sorts of drugs are on the AA approved list, and they make one feel just *GREAT*!!!

>>where is the recovery?

Recovery is where you find it.  I found my recovery by going to a lot of different programs.

>>these were sick meetings, and these were sick people. i don't have time for
>>this crap!

Why were you there?  Did you ever read step 2?  Insanity is the keyword.

>
>I've been in OA for just over a year and my group has degenerated to the
>same type of atmosphere.  I decided to quit going to meetings because others
>were only talking about how bad things were going for them.  Even those who
>have been in recovery for some time had the same down-in-the-dumps attitude
>and where I used to return from meetings feeling much better, I returned home
>feeling depressed because of this.  Too few were the times when someone would
>share how well things were going.  I did a couple of times and only got blank
>stares whenever I was finished.  Not very encouraging to say the least.  So I
>decided to find myself another group.  I've only been once and I plan on going
>there frequently.
>

I've been there too!  Very much so.  I used to get very angry at all the whining, and
sniveling, but i now think that was because i was "trained" to think that way by my
first sponsor.

I am of the opinion that for me to recover I needed to go to many 12 step
programs.  Or at least i had to work on this Medusa headed beast, in some
kind of a Holistic Approach.  When i first came into my primary program
i was told "all you need is X.A." (where X is my "primary" program).  My
sponsor shamed me at meeting level for going to the other programs, especially
one for relationships, a lot of the people there (at least all the vocal ones)
laughed.  

I believe there is a lot of denial in X.A. about Relationship Addiction, Sexual Addiction, 
and Romance Addiction (for example).  These are all quite different, but
just as surely as drink they can kill you!  I have met people who would do anything
(and i mean *anything*) to be in a relationship (and a LOT more in X.A. who are bonded 
at the hip to their mate at meetings), others who used to have sex with dozens or even
hundreds of people a weekend, at "Swingers Parties",  I've also seen people who looked 
gaunt, haggard, and were contemplating suicide because of some "romantic" triangle.
Personally i feel these issues can kill you, and could lead to a slip in any serious
program.

I'm sure others from O.A., D.A., G.A., and Al-Anon know of life threating situations
that were caused by various other forms of co-dependancy, or substance abuse, that is
laughed at in X.A.  I long for the day when they are able to discuss these topics
openly at X.A. meetings, because if they don't they will die!  One day, perhaps we
will allow discussions of how these other diseases can lead us a SLIP in X.A.

I hope this generates some thoughtfull discussion, which will allow us *ALL* ultimatly to
speak our real truth(s) at meeting level. I no longer use how I *feel* after a meeting as
a gauge of how successfull it was.

-David
Newsgroups: alt.recovery