From: mneow@wam.umd.edu (Who wants to know?)
Subject: Re: Last 10 lbs / Losing Control
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 17:46:18 GMT

>>Margot, 
>>don't you realize that there is a terrible problem with young people
>>today?  There are continuously stories in magazines and on the news
>>about adolescents and girls as young as 6 and 7 who are "dieting"
>>to loses weight.  There are girls *and* boys who are struggling to 
>>"fit in" with the popular kids, who want to be accepted, who want to
>>be invited to parties and dance with the people they have crushes on.
>>Middle School is not the time to tell kids not to worry about it.
>
>Wait a minute...first of all, what would YOU tell a 6 or 7 year old
>that wanted to lose weight becuase it would make him/her happier,
>make their life better, make their grades better, etc???  Even a
>middle schooler.  In fact I have a neice in middle school who used
>to go around saying that she was ugly (she isn't).  Of course we
>told her that she wasn't!  This is the same kid that later, when
>I started on WW told me that she didn't think I needed to lose
>weight (I obviously did/do!) but it shows me that maybe she has
>learned something about what matters!
>
     You're right about that.  It wouldn't be a good idea to tell your
neice that she was ugly, even if you though she was, which she wasn't,
but I guess what I was trying to say is that sometimes kids need more
than simply being told they are fine and have nothing to worry about.
(You didn't say this, but this is what I was often told)  Some of us
are able to get over the feeling that we are ugly and fat.  As kids
get older and their friendships stronger, they soon realize what really
matters in life....But then there is me who although I have come to
realize life's important lessons, I feel like I've come full circle and
STILL want to lose weight (be in shape).....>
>>They will never understand what the truly important things in life
>>are until they come to realize this and accept what they've got.
>>
>>I probably realized this in 8th grade, but I have never been able
>>to accept myself.  And while I worry about grades probably more
>>than the next student, and all I really want is for the people I 
>>care about to love me too, and accept me into their lives, telling
>>someone this is not going to change their outlook on life.
>
>But is encouraging them to do something that MIGHT not work
>(like losing 12 lbs) going to help?
>
Probably not, but maybe if those around me would have shown a little
more concern...I mean that by the time I got to my later high school years,
and I was still complaining, maybe my mom could have done something like
taking me to the doctor to get an evaluation and fat percentage reading,
that way I may have been more convinced that I was "fine" or if I did need
to lose a little, then the doctor or nutritionist could see to it that I 
got a healthy plan....or something like that...
> 
>>
>>You said exactly what I have been hearing all my life.  Sometimes
>>I've felt that if only I could get really skinny or really obeses, 
>>then maybe I could get some help.  I've even reasoned with myself
>>that if I joined a weight loss support group, I would get sneers and
>>dirty looks from people who wouldn't understand why I am there.
>>
>>I am probably about 12 pounds overweight, and that may not seem like
>                                ^^^^^^^^^^  
>by what standard are you overweight?  Is it fat?  what percent are 
>you lean body mass (have you read Fit or FAT)?
>
>
>>a lot to some people, but those extra pounds have always been there
>>since middle school.  It wasn't until Senior year that the other
>>girls started appearing bigger to me...meaning that I was just ahead
>>puberty wise...but I was still a bigger girl for the most part.  And
>>my whole attitude has been based on my weight.  My self esteem is
>>low, my motivation is almost nill (and that includes motivation to
>>succeed in school and career) I basically have no respect for myself
>>because I have let this go on for so long  and I'm fed up with it.
>>
>>
>>I thought that if I wrote to the group, I would get some support
>>(that is what this group is for, isn't it?)  And I did get some from
>>a few very kind people who understand, but all that you said is 
>>exactly what I've been hearing my whole life, "Oh you look fine,
>>stop complaining, you don't need to worry, you look good, "  and
>
>Need I say this IS NOT what I said???
>
 I meant that it is what I had been hearing all my life, not what
you said in your post...sorry about the confusion (and i'm supposed to
be an English major...)

>
>>from my mom, "oh, I was always a Tubo" when in fact my mom was
>>practically aneorexic in her early mothering years.  Now has any
>             ^^^^^^^^^
>Fiona, where are you anyway!!!  
>
>
>>of that ever helped me?  No or I wouldn't be here. I agree with
>
>>
>>I'm sorry Margot, if I seem angry.  I think I am frustrated at
>>the whole thing.  Maybe you just don't understand enough about
>>me and who I am to be able to make me like myself better just
>>by saying that it doesn't seem like I have that much to worry
>>about...does that make sense...??  But I think that if anyone     
>
>It's hard to get to know someone by one or two postings...
>
>
>>here is concerned and worried about their health enough to post
>>looking for support, then no matter how severe their problem,
>>they need that support and understanding...I almost gave up
>>on the group...
>>
>I'm sorry if I angered you (although anger can be put to good use...)
>but I felt that in your post when you told about your motivation
>regarding your friend's weight and you not wanting to see her
>or anyone else from home that you sounded like you were putting
>alot of responsability onto that 12 lbs.  Had you said that you
>feel out of shape, tired and unhealthy my response would have been
>different. (and maybe would have sounded more "supportive".  Would
>it have been supportive to tell my niece "yes, you are ugly, dear,
>get some plastic surgery"?)  Is it any more helpful to say,
>yes, you can lose tht 12 lbs?  (Try reading Fit or Fat by Covert
>Bailey....cutting down on fats....I have a friend that did this
>(cut his fats down to 20% of calories and did aerobic exercise)
>and lost 15 lbs.   Also, there are LOTS of WW who only have 10-20
>lbs to lose, don't feel bad if you want to go (I felt
>bad going having to lose 80+ lbs!))
>
>Margot
>--
>=====================================================================
>=          H A V E   A   D A Y             :|                       =
>=====================================================================

   Margot,

I don't know what I was really looking for in the way of support...
I guess I was trying to identify with a few people who seemed to be
in my shoes.  I don't even remember what the original post was, somehting
about throwing away the scale...I must have been especially down, to go
on about be obsessed with the scale thing...But that is kind of true.
I should have been clearer about feeling unhealthy and out of shape as 
that is precisely how I feel, but the 12 lbs would definitely make me
feel better, in my mind.  It sounds stupid, but for some reason, if I
were 12 lbs less tommorrow and went home to see my friend, I would feel
better than if I were 5 lbs more, but in decent shape....I'm really 
sick of being *big* whether that's in shape or out....I don't expect
to be skinny minny either, but I know I can be a nice size, maybe even
wear a size 7/8 which I would consider pretty average if not lucky...

Oh, and I have not had a physical in a while, but I am positive that I
have a high percentage of fat.  True that I have always been pretty 
muscular, but how could I have lost 15 lbs when I came to college,
did *nothing* in the way of excercise, and ate extremely bad nutritionally,
(I'm talking muffins and huge big cookies almost everyday, pizza, snacks,
etc...) Maybe not drinking beer saved me... Well, that must have been
muscle loss, right?  I lost 8 lbs one week not eating because I was so
nervous about my boyfriend-to be.  I only gained 3 of those lbs back, and
from there I continued going down...How?  I think it was all muscle, but
I still wasn't tooooo flabby....anyway, that is why I am sure I have the
fat to lose. 

I guess what I needed to hear most was that there is hope for someone
like me. (difficult for you to know that through my one posting). THat
a girl at my age, with the hardest, most stubborn 10 or 12 lbs can lose
it, get in great shape and be fit and lean. Maybe I wanted some advice
on regimens, and low fat diets other people like me are utilizing.  Well,
anyway, thanks for clarifying.  I know you meant well
 :).
Newsgroups: alt.support.diet