HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: lls@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (Lori Smallwood)
Subject: What's going on??
Organization: Northwestern University, Evanston Illinois.
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 18:57:19 GMT


Hi everyone --

I don't know if y'all remember me, but I wrote once over the summer about
my breakup with my jerk ex-boyfriend (he used me and lied to me, etc. etc.
etc.)  I'd like to thank you all for all the great advice.  My life is
going *much* better now since I got back to school.  I've made lots of new
friends and have been doing lots of stuff to keep my mind off of him.  But
now, I have a new, much more ... "happy" problem...

I met this guy Chad at a party.  I was interested in him, and the feeling
appeared to be mutual, so I invited him to a little get-together with 2
other couples at Second City (a comedy club here in Chicago) last Friday.  
Well, we ended up "hooking up" that night, and we went out the next night, 
and we've either seen or talked to each other every day since then.  Then,
on Tuesday, we were talking, and he goes "I have a proposition to make."  I
said, "What?"  He said, "Well, I belong to this travel club, and there's a
trip scheduled for the weekend of October 31st, and ... it would be
basically free of charge to you..."  He paused, and I said, "Where?"  He
said, "Hawaii."

Now, keep in mind that at this point we'd been "seeing each other" (even
that phrase seems a little strong for what's going on between us right now)
for about 5 days.  After a little more questioning, I discover that it's
*not* free of charge (although the airfare would be much cheaper) but he
would pay for my flight with a big check he's expecting in the mail.  He
would only want me to pay for part of the hotel room and my own spending
money, stuff like that.

My question is, what should I think?  I don't know if we'll end up going,
but if we didn't, it still blows me away that he even *invited* me to a
5-day trip to HAWAII.  Has this type of thing ever happened to anyone else
before?  What do you think he's thinking right now?

As an aside, let me add that he is *very* considerate and kind, romantic
(obviously!), non-egotistical, friendly, musical, and as an *added* bonus,
is studying to be a neurosurgeon.  :-)  He has never tried to pressure me 
into anything, and doesn't "freak out" when I suggest that we do something,
oh, say, a month into the future.  Sometimes I just wonder if someone up 
there is finally giving me someone who is going to be really nice to me
this time....

Thoughts/comments/suggestions?

-- Lori
lls@casbah.acns.nwu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: gewilson@eos.ncsu.edu (Buddha)
Subject: Re: What's going on?
Originator: gewilson@c00051-100lez.eos.ncsu.edu
Reply-To: gewilson@eos.ncsu.edu (Greg Wilson)
Organization: North Carolina State University, Project Eos
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 21:30:04 GMT




	Lori,

	    I'm really glad that life has been treating you better.  :)

	As for my advice, it's pretty much the same stuff that everybody

else has been saying.  If you want to go with Chad, go with him.  But if

you don't feel comfortable with going away for the weekend with him yet,

you definately should not go.  And if he really cares/likes you, he will

not mind you saying no.  So, basically just do what you feel comfortable

doing.  I hope that it all works out for you.





							Greg Wilson



	gewilson@eos.ncsu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: nagji@ntc02.tele.nokia.fi
Subject: Untitled gem
Organization: Nokia Telecommunications.
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 16:56:35 GMT

I'm posting this for a special friend.....

These days, rational thought seems hard to find
when my emotions and heart are playing games with my mind.
I can't help but feel that if you loved me more
you wouldn't have pushed me away.
I wanted to be there for you, as a shoulder and a friend.
I thought you were a kindred spirit.
Was I wrong?

Each moment, each word, was precious to me, 
because I knew each could be the last.
But you had to go and I am trying to understand why.
Why couldn't you have just savored the time we had?
Why did you look to the future and only see pain and loss?
Or perhaps that was just an excuse for waning interest...

And yet part of me knows it is best.
There was no hope of a future for us, so to
continue this way was a form of torture.
But if pain can be sweet, then it was honey
laced with heroin to me.
Perhaps we were fools,
but you were such a rush.

You were an addiction.
You seemed to be everything I wanted, 
and nothing I could have.

Now I go cold turkey.

I knew that I would be wounded by this encounter.  
I always do when I fall deeper than the other.
I let it happen once before, and I swore never again.
And now look at me.  Such a fool.  

Such bittersweet, intense pain.

You breathed new life into me.
You snuck in through the cracks of this hardened shell,
Got me to laugh, to fall in love, again.
Now the vitality is fading, a piece of my soul is withering...

Perhaps it is good in some sad way, 
that you hurt me by being diffident, and aloof.
Your dishonesty makes it easier to let go.
A crack in the myth of the person I never really got to know.
It made you more real.  Less ideal.
But even so, I wish you could have explained it better.
I have so many unanswered questions that creep out of the 
shadows of yesterday and invade my thoughts of tomorrow.

I released you, but my heart still holds on.

I told you to call if you needed me, anytime.
But you have not.  
Are you really that strong?
..Or is it just a lack of caring?

Is the pain I feel from loss, or a wounded ego?

I try to convince myself that it is pointless 
to long for a love unrequited.
Pull up your socks.  Move on.
But right now my heart is too heavy to lift 
past the ruins of our relationship.

I laugh. I joke. I smile.  When friends are around.
But alone, I am exposed.
The music keeps me going.   
I cling to it, adrift.
And for a few precious moments, I do not ache for you...  
======================
From: soconnor@ziff.com
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: An emerald as an engagement ring?
Date: 15 Oct 92 18:14:17 GMT
Organization: Ziff-Davis, Medford MA

In article <1992Oct11.200412.624@news.uiowa.edu>, haferman@icaen.uiowa.edu (Jeff Haferman) writes:
> 
> Question:
> 
>   How does this ring "stuff" work?
> 
> We were in a jewlery store the other day looking at rings.  An
> emerald ring caught here eye.  I must admit I thought it was
> very nice - a big clear green emerald with two smallish diamonds
> on a gold band.  She said she would rather have that than a
> diamond ring as an engagement ring.

If she says she would rather have an emerald, than that is what you
should get her...  I wouldn't complain if I was given a diamond, but 
my RP knows that I want a pearl w/ a diamond on either side...  

> 
> What do you think about this?  Will an emerald ring lose its
> "appeal" after a while?  I figure I'll just let her think
> about it for a few weeks and see how she feels then.

It wont lose its appeal if its what she wants... ask her how she
feels about diamonds...  I think they are to traditional, I like 
to be different..  I have seen different engagement rings lately.
A friend of mine has a black onyx and another has a blue topaz..
 They are both as happy as can be...
> 
> Another question:
> 
> Once I get the engagement ring, how do I proceed as far as finding
> wedding bands?  I mean, should I get the engagement ring now, and
> then in a few months, or a year, or whatever do we go out together
> and find the wedding bands?  Sorry, I'm just not familiar with how
> this stuff "works".  Feel free to give smart-alecky answers, but
> also some good advice would be appreciated.
> 
My ex-husand and I picked out the wedding bands together...  We got them
about a month before the wedding...  It all depends on whether the rings
need to be sized or not... Hope this helps...  :)

Shannon
  
> 
> Jeff Haferman                            internet: haferman@icaen.uiowa.edu
> Department of Mechanical Engineering     DoD 0186  BMWMOA 44469  AMA 460140
> The University of Iowa
> Iowa City, IA  52242                                 '76 R90S
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: ksdavis@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Karleenus Schwartz Davis)
Subject: Re: Gifts for Men (Re: Anniversery Gift Suggestions?)
Organization: Indiana University
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 18:17:22 GMT

Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:

>>What kinds of gifts do the guys here think are romantic and something
>>they'd like to get? Suggestions?

Crossly the Glad-Eyed Bear (ekman@netcom.com) says:

>I'd sure like a  new set of tires for the Chevy.

Mine are always asking for jumper cables and new tools, and they're
always disappointed when they open the package to find something
like a sweater or some such.  Maybe next time I'll get take him 
seriously. . .

-sz
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: baptiste@bnr.ca (Michael Baptiste P275)
Subject: Re: Where do I go from here?
Organization: Bell-Northern Research, BNR-RTP 
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 13:06:16 GMT

Well, sounds to me like she is playing with your mind big time!
Women like that simply toy with you and your emotions.
Don't let infatuation blind you to the fact that this girl 
wants you to give her the cold shoulder so she can cozy up
to you again!  She will do this always and the only one
who will be hurt is you.
As for the working relationship, it can work out (I had a very
similar situation in school).  You don't have to ignore her
and be an asshole, just simply keep the relationship on a 
working level.  Now, I know that's easier said than done, but you
have to realize the kind of woman you're dealing with!  Let
it be known that you simply want things kept at that level
and when she tries to warm things up again (she will) spurn 
her advances politely.  She'll get the point eventually.

Mike
From: s342063@emu.insted.unimelb.edu.au
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Oops :)
Date: 13 Oct 92 16:30:10 GMT

Sorry Guys...forgot to give the last message a subject name...I guess it should
have been "Future"...or something like that.
Kezzle.
From: 01ksdavis@bsu-ucs.uucp (Rebel without a clue.)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How long has it been?
Date: 10 Oct 92 17:07:55 GMT

In article <5939@news.duke.edu>, joshua@acpub.duke.edu (Joshua Goldie) writes:
> 
> How long has it been??  I've got a better question...
> 
> 
> How long have we been talking about this worthless, boring topic ?? :)
> 
> (this space intentionally left blank.)
-- 

	You think this is a worthless topic, huh?  Well, if you really want to
see some worthless topics, you ought to try some of the other newsgroups (like
talk.bizzarre.)  

	Actually, from this thread (which I did NOT start but have contributed
to) you can learn some things about this newsgroup's readers.  There are basic-
ally two types of answers-just a litle while ago, or about a year ago.  

	What is really interesting is the fact that a sort of flamewar has 
developed (albeight a slight one) between those who have been kissed recently 
and those who have not.

	Going further with this, we can assume the only reason why people in 
stable relationships read this newsgroup frequently is to try to keep the spice
in their relationships.  The people who haven't been kissed recently probably
want to try more romance in their next relationship, and that is why they are
reading this newsgroup.

	Like in all things, I am sure there is a psychology paper in here 
somewhere, it's just that I am a computer sciences major and it shouldn't matter
to me at all.

	You can go on believing that this is a worthless topic and a waste of
bandwidth, but if you ask me, I think it is one of the vital thread of this 
newsgroup in that within this thread possibly lies the very pulse of the
readers of alt.romance.

	Just my thoughts.

 ______________________________________________________________________________
|Kyle S. Davis				                                       |
|2000HD	1MbRAM//                                Hot VWs               1973     |
|1084s       //  Only Amiga makes it possible,    \/   Take 2 home-   311      |
|Oki 20   \\//   All others make it plausible.   \/\/  They're small.          |
|
|______________________________________________________________________________|
From: 01ksdavis@bsu-ucs.uucp (Rebel without a clue.)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: When guys lose their tempers
Date: 12 Oct 92 22:02:34 GMT

In article <1992Oct12.073746.18473@nuscc.nus.sg>, isc30350@nusunix1.nus.sg (LOW SUET CHENG) writes:
> 
> I would like to get some views on this topic from the dear people here
> in net.land.
> 
> I have know of guys who when they lose their tempers, hit their
> girlfriends. After that they are remorseful about it, but they tell
> their girlfriends that it's because they (the girlfriend) make them so
> angry that they can't control themselves. Is this really true or is it
> just an excuse?
> 
> Then there are those also who when things go wrong, they'll blame them
> on the girlfriends and say that the girlfriends have distracted them
> from doing their best. Is this valid?
> 
> Has anyone here ever encounter this kind of situation personally or seen
> friends who are in this kind of situation? Comments would be very much
> welcomed.
> 
> 
> Esther
-- 

	There is NO excuse for this.  Any of you women out there in net land 
can do better than be with a jerk like this.  

	Curious, though.  Nobody ever talks about the other way around.  Guess
a guy's welfare doesn't amount to a hill of beans in today's world.

 ______________________________________________________________________________
|Kyle S. Davis				                                       |
|2000HD	1MbRAM//                                Hot VWs               1973     |
|1084s       //  Only Amiga makes it possible,    \/   Take 2 home-   311      |
|Oki 20   \\//   All others make it plausible.   \/\/  They're small.          |
|
|______________________________________________________________________________|
From: afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Army Boots revisited, then I shut up
Date: 15 Oct 92 18:10:00 GMT
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <cerMHoG00WB70ZQW1y@andrew.cmu.edu>, "Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz" <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes...
>I do however have a question. Mr. Steiner says:
>> of others. and i -never- judge based on a silly thing like
>> gender.
> 
>Never? I find this hard to believe. Not because I doubt you are
>for equal rights. I don't. But our world is hardly egalitarian and
>there are lots of influences on our lives that keep us from being
>totally non-judgemental with respect to gender.


Oh, you're just saying that because you're a woman ! :-)
> 
>ag
-- Stephen

     Though *believing* in things often wounds the spirit, *not* believing 
     in anything will eventually kill it. Therefore, *dream* ... and accept 
     the costs as reasonable.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: coleman@rocky.cs.ucla.edu (Mike Coleman)
Subject: Re: Won't have Sex with a Fat Guy
Organization: UCLA, Computer Science Department
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 92 02:46:06 GMT

My advice, to the guy, would be that he should lose

	(1) the excess fat, and
	(2) his shallow wife.

Mike
-- 
--Mike Coleman (coleman@cs.ucla.edu), Lord High Executioner of Anhedonia-----
   Illicit drugs are like Nancy Reagan's crotch.  Party safe--Just Say No!
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
From: petitc@nuge115.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Flirting (was Re: Nice Guys?)
Reply-To: petitc@rpi.edu
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy, NY.
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 18:45:59 GMT

In article <1992Oct16.172659.27848@netcom.com>, slf@netcom.com (Sharon Fisher) writes:

|> In other words, it's expected that the only reason a woman would
|> possibly talk to a guy is because she's interested in dating him, and
|> if she doesn't, then she's leading him on.

  No, I don't think that's it.  I think the concern isn't over talking to a guy,
but it's that the woman is using body language which indicates more than purely
friendly interest, and then she isn't interested in him at all.  This causes lots
of comfusion, and makes the guys frustrated.

  And, when people get frustrated, they try to give a rational reason as to WHY
they're upset---at least rational to them.  So, they call the women who flirt
sluts.

  Personally, I agree somewhat.  Flirting should be used to indicate romantic
interest, and not be done between strangers---you don't know what kind of
signals the other person is picking up.  If two friends wish to flirt, and they
both KNOW it means nothing, then it's OK---but NOT with strangers (or for that
matter, people you don't know too well).

-- 
Trust:  A very precious social commodity, due both to high value and terrible
scarcity.
MATWDTM:  Mothers Against Teenagers Who Drink Too Much (failed name for MADD)
From: moore7004@iscsvax.uni.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How do you know if you are in love?
Date: 12 Oct 92 02:50:34 -0500
Organization: University of Northern Iowa

In article <SDY.92Oct5094054@bcstec.boeing.com>, sdy@bcstec.boeing.com (Ugly Bag of Mostly Water) writes:
>>>>>> On 4 Oct 92 20:57:35 GMT, darkmoor@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Darkmoore) said:
> 
> 	Darkmoore>   How do you know if you are in love?

When pornography suddenly ceases to be interesting.

(Whoa, sorry there, REALLY bad day and all...)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: When guys lose their tempers
From: jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu (jason 'Think!' steiner)
Date: 12 Oct 92 12:08:15 EST
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4

isc30350@nusunix1.nus.sg (LOW SUET CHENG) writes:
> 
> I have know of guys who when they lose their tempers, hit their
> girlfriends. After that they are remorseful about it, but they tell
> their girlfriends that it's because they (the girlfriend) make them 
> so angry that they can't control themselves. Is this really true or 
> is it just an excuse?

an excuse.

> Then there are those also who when things go wrong, they'll blame 
> them on the girlfriends and say that the girlfriends have 
> distracted them from doing their best. Is this valid?

no.

> Has anyone here ever encounter this kind of situation personally or 
> seen friends who are in this kind of situation? Comments would be 
> very much welcomed.

yes, and yes.

ObComment: castration with rusty knives is too good for people who
beat their girlfriends & then blame it on the victim. if you know
someone in this situation it's your moral duty to tell them to GET OUT.
make sure to provide a lot of support, 'cause it's not an easy
thing to do. i knew one case where the guy made death threats when
his wife threatened to leave. 

or if you -really- want to do the human race a favor, just kill the bastard.

jason "me? bitter? nah." steiner

--
`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`
`,`       "Every great gift is a kind of curse." - Camille Paglia       `,`
`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,`,` jsteiner@anwsun.phya.utoledo.edu ,`,`,`
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: eda772dsys@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au
Subject: Re: How do you tell a girl your feelings?
Organization: Computer Centre, Monash University, Australia
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 06:58:07 GMT

In article <1992Oct9.181902.25632@bnr.co.uk>, dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
> In the referenced article AVERNON1@ua1vm.ua.edu (Andrew Vernon) writes:
>> In <1at65rINN6cr@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> cf017@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Christopher P Readence) writes:
>>>
> 
> [Old old story of longstanding friends where one person, as usual the man :-),
> falls in love with his friend]
> 
>>>>We're really good friends, and I know she'll still be a friend if
>>>>I tell her my feelings, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to if she
>>>>tells me "LJBF".  What should I do, just come out and say it, that
>>>>I'm crazy about her now, or should I first do a little probing to
>>>>see if she's still interested?



   Well whatever you do dont put an item in a newsgroup(i guess you have)
   like i did that makes it pretty obvious who it is about and then
   accidently tell her youve posted an article in the group(like i did)

    that is a very messy and humbling experience , believe me.


Ash
eda772dsys@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au

Monash university , Frankston(the green campus)






Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: tburgess@us.oracle.com (Terri Servantes Burgess)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: RE: How do you know if you are in love?
Date: 8 Oct 92 15:00:19 GMT



When you think about the possibility of living your life without that
person and know that you can't.....

At least that is how I found out that I loved my SO.....

My husband and I were engaged and had a LDR and I love him...I thought...but
wasn't quite sure how much I loved him....Then when he was flying out to
spend Christmas with me and my family...well let me digress for a second...
the night before he was to come out for the christmas holidays...we had
a HUGE fight...over what now...I can't remember...well we didn't talk all the
next day and he never called to tell me that he was boarding the plane soon
he was on a red eye flight and I was home sick....well I decided to meet
his plane so I was down at the airport 2:30am waiting for his plane...and it
came in...he was not on it.....I called the airlines...all they could say was
his tickets were picked up and used on the flight...but again I was there
waiting and he was not on the flight....I was so worried...I called him
at home...he was not there....I didn't know what to do...I went home and
panicked...and the fight we had kept popping up into my head....I realized
how much I loved him and how I could not comprehend living without him....I
called the airlines again and got this nice woman who told me the flight to
his layover was delayed due to rain and that he would be arriving at a 
different airport soon and then bused over to the destination airport....
I was so relieved....When he called me to come get him I was the happiest
woman....I couldn't wait to be with him....of course I made him promise
to call me next time something like this happens...he knew I was sick and
wanted me to rest so he thought he shouldn't call...he knows better now....

Anyway....that's how I knew I was really in love....I had never felt like that
towards anyone else before.....

Terri Servantes-Burgess
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: puzzled..
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 92 00:03:41 GMT

In article <1992Oct9.135046.5997@nuscc.nus.sg> isc30350@nusunix1.nus.sg (LOW SUET CHENG) writes:
....
>Today, I saw him together with another girl. I'm not sure if she's his
>new SO, as we haven't really communicated after the break. There was a
>time where he was actually quite hostile to me. He seemed happy with the
>girl, they were having lunch and were talking and laughing.
>
>What I'm trying to get at is that, strangely enough, on seeing him with
>another girl, I didn't feel jealous. Instead, part of me felt happy that
>he is happy, althought he is with another girl. Whereas part of me felt
>sad that I was not the one who was able to make him happy.
>
>What I want to know is that, does this happen to anyone else here on
>netland? I had always thought that if I were to see him with another
>girl, I would be very upset and very jealous of the girl. But strangely
>enough, this was not what I felt today. 
>
That sounds healthy to me. Jealousy doesn't come from love, it comes from
insecurity. Insecurity that you are not good enough to hold on to your
love interest, and so you must keep him away from anyone else. If you
have accepted that he is not yours to lose, you won't be jealous. The
other feelings that you mentioned are natural enough -- you still feel
some love for him and so you are happy that he is happy. And of course
you would like to be making him happy.

Michael.