From: davem@mcs213i.cs.umr.edu (Dave Mentis)
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: At what age is day care appropriate?
Date: 16 Apr 92 17:00:19 GMT
Organization: University of Missouri - Rolla


I sent this once and it looked like the newsfeed ate it without it 
getting out. If this makes the second posting, sorry!

  -- davem

-------------------------------------------


In article <TIGGER.92Apr15203229@satyr.Sylvan.COM> tigger@satyr.Sylvan.COM (Grace Sylvan) writes:
>
>someone wrote (it got too confusing):

How true, how true. :-)
I believe it was Judy Tyrer responding to Laura Floom ??

>
>   >Yes, you ARE lucky.  You are choosing to have a family member care for your
>   >child.  This is the equivalent of having a parent care for the child.  Your
>   >mother shares your values, your ethics, and is not going to disappear.
>

 [ excellent point made by Tigger (Grace Sylvan) that grandparents"
   approach not necessarily === parents" approach deleted by davem 
   for brevity ]

...

> But the other issue is that you have committed to
>staying with each other, making your future plans and choices with
>your relationship in mind. Not so with your daycare provider. They
>have their own life, and need to make their own choices. Continuing to
>work for you comes second to their own personal stuff.

True, she has her own life and we're not as central a part of it.
But all of us taking this into account at the outset has allowed us to
plan what to do with Dava just as accurately as Doyla and I have planned
other aspects of our lives.

>
>So, while you might find an excellent provider, you don't know for how
>long you'll really have them - months, a year or two, or more? 

Well, in the limit that's true. Of course for all I know I might come home
from work tonight and find  a note from Doyla saying she used to be a
mechanic for the Foobar family and turned state's evidence, was given a
new identity, and has now been discovered, and had to take Dava and run
never to be seen again... (I doubt it).

We've discussed ongoing plans with our daycare provider, both regarding
her desire to keep Dava / other children and other aspects of her life
and are reasonably sure she intends to be available for the next few years.

To the extent that you are addressing this to the generic "you", I do
agree. I imagine that the average daycare situation is probably more
uncertain than ours.

Actually, in our case it's been quite ironic. We've had 2 of Doyla's
aunts care for Dava. In both instances each was forced to (hopefully
temporarily) give up caring for her due to health problems.
The non-related daycare we have now seems to be more certain in this 
respect (I add this for completeness, and to reiterate the point I've 
been trying to make throughout my posting on this subject that YMMV --
certainly NOT as a flame to you!).

>
>And, for what it's worth, here's my experience hunting for a
>babysitter - a part time, go out for an evening, babysitter.

 [ Tigger (Grace) describes nightmare ... ]


>
>Oops, I'm flaming... guess I'll stop.
>

Hardly. I'd be frothing at the mouth if I'd been through what you described.
And I suspect as years go by I will (be doing both :-( ).


>-- 
>Tigger (Grace Sylvan)                Mom of Katherine Yelena, 2.6 &
>tigger@satyr.sylvan.com              Robin Gregory <born 2/28/92>)
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"It seems to me that our large goal is to find the ways to help our
>children become humane and strong."
>
>             - Dr Haim Ginott quoted by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

Thanks for the posting. I like your quote!

Later,

  -- davem@cs.umr.edu  (Dave Mentis)
From: jean@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Jean Jasinski)
Date: Wed, 8 Apr 1992 17:35:29 GMT
Subject: How to Break a Shrieking Habit?
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA