From: li@Data-IO.COM (Phyllis Rostykus)
Subject: Re: Callahan's is for everyone
Organization: Data I/O Corporation
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 20:46:56 GMT

In article <122420145@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM> daq@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Doug Quarnstrom) writes:
>> In fact, I, personally, don't think that the emotions are any *less* for
>> not being able to be physically present.
>
>Oh no.  They may even be stronger, because of idealization and the
>ability to interact without physical intimidations.

Yup.  Or without physical limitations...

And, yeah, I agree, that can lead to some pretty big disappointments.

>>  Simply different.  As a friend
>> pointed out to me from the corners of this place, a child that was raised
>> in a bubble due to a lack of an immune system must still be able to love,
>> communicate, and form relationships.  Those must be done without physical
>> contact, and, therefore, must be possible.
>
>It may be done without physical contact, but there is still physical 
>presense.  I think it makes a difference.

Hmmm... thought about this some more, and am finding that I may feel the
same way.  There *is* something to having someone right there all the
time as opposed to only through the screen.  I'm still not sure if it's
better or worse, though.

Thing is that *getting* that physical presense after knowing someone in
email has both destroyed long time relationships and strengthened some of
them for me.

And, sometimes, depending on the person, I can *get* physical presense from
a letter or post.  It depends on how well or badly they communicate
themselves.

>> But the nice parts are being able to communicate with an emotional and
>> intellectual intimacy that is impossible without that kind of concentration
>> and focus.  Partially because there is the safety valve OF that distance.
>
>Sure, and it allows you to easily affect all sorts of personality traits
>that you would not exhibit with others.  It can be fun.

Hmmm... or, to phrase it another way, traits that I don't normally show to
some people in RL because I don't think they'll understand.  But your way
works as well... and may be closer to a truth... 

But then, I think I do that in real life, too, show some people a me that
other people don't see because I don't trust them with it.  Phee is me, a
lot of the time, and especially around myJohn, as P'relan can attest to
from meeting me in real life.  But I don't show that side of me a lot at
work, and none at all with the S/M crowd that I sometimes hang around
with.  But then I don't show my S/M side to the folks at the spinning
guild, my church, or to my soccer team.   My church does know about my
bisexuality, explicitely, and I answer questions for the youth group.

I am usually pretty quiet, lots of folks call me shy when I'm in a new
situation; something that never comes across in email or on the Net.  The
shyness is something that my soccer team would *never* believe; but the
local con/SF crowd thinks I'm a wall flower with chrome blades under the
petals because they've seen my writing.  Some of the local SF crowd has
vast difficulty reconciling my writing with how I appear to them in real
life.  One lady found out about my S/M activities and just couldn't
believe it, "Such a sweet smile and sparkling eyes...  next to that, it's
like holding out raw hamburger for the wasps..."

So, yeah... 

Different folks see different traits, and I show them as differently in 
writing/email/posting as I do in RL.
---
Liralen Li
li@inigo.Data-IO.com
Newsgroups: alt.callahans