Newsgroups: misc.kids


johnnyb@ims.com (Johnny Battle) writes:

>In article <1992Apr03.234858.952904@locus.com>, judy@locus.com (Judy Leedom Tyrer) writes:
>|> In article <1992Mar26.235444.11402@informix.com> cathl@odin (Catherine Lyman) writes:
>|> >           Why do we scorn people who love their children but
>|> >feel compelled to continue their interests outside the home?

We don't scorn PEOPLE, we only scorn WOMEN who feel that way!!!

>|> I am certain that this will generate flames, but it is nonetheless how I 
>|> honestly feel about this topic.
>
>      [Well-stated ideas deleted...)
>
>|>   The most important job a person will ever have and the biggest most
>|> critical responsibility a person will ever know is the care of the 0-5 YO so
>|> that this human being has the requisite basis for a happy, fulfilling life.
>|> 
>|> So, finances aside, if you cannot take 5 years out of your career and whatever
>|> personal satisfaction that gives you to devote to the upbringing of another
>|> human being, then, IMO, you should rethink having children.  
> 
>I agree completely.  It's a tragedy for our entire society, not just for the
>children who miss out on that "Mother's at home" feeling of security that can
>form the basis for a lifetime of self-confidence and happiness.  There is no
>way that a day-care person can love your child as much as you do.  
> 
>       [More good stuff left out]
>|> 
>|> >Why do we scorn women who go outside the home for fulfullment,
>|> >but we don't feel the same way towards men?
>|> 
>|> This, I think, is wrong.  Someone in the family needs to work to support the 
>|> family.  But they are going outside the home not for fulfillment, but to put
>|> food on the table.  There is all the difference in the world.  If they are
>|> lucky, they are in a fulfilling job.  But these people would work regardless
>|> because the family needs to survive.  It is only tradition that makes this
>|> the man's role instead of the woman's.
>
>From a working father, thank you, Judy Leedom Tyrer for saying so well what
>many of us feel very strongly.   
----------

I cannot resist putting in my 2-bits worth.  (Warning: this degenerates
into a mind FLAME, so continue only if you want!)  This is MY opinion, but
I do NOT believe that most men would happily stay home and feel fulfilled
caring for young children.  There are many who would, but many who would
NOT.  My daughter's father is a NOT.  There would have been NO WAY that
he would have quit his job to care for her full-time.  When she was born,
I was making almost the same salary as he; financially EITHER of us could
have worked and we would have been as well-off.  However, MEN WANT TO HAVE
CHILDREN EVEN WHEN THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO STAY HOME AND CARE FOR THEM.  My
daughter's father was the one who pushed for us to have a family; I was more
abmiguous about it.  Of course, once she was born, I would not give her up
for anything; the reality of a baby can change one's priorities.

I think that it is pure rationalization to say "they [men] are going
outside the home not for fulfillment, but to put food on the table".
This may be true of some, but men I know are working because they NEED
TO for fulfillment.  They were raised to get an education and with the
expectation of USING that education.  They were encouraged to be interested
in all types of jobs.  Many of which could not be done with a child clinging
to their knee and crying for attention.  Many of which required the man to
work many hours a week if they are to succeed.  Thus they developed interests 
that required jobs outside the home in order to be fulfilled and satisfied.
Of course money enters into it; if we had been rich, my daughter's father
would have work at something that just appealed to him without regard to
whether it was marketable.  However, he still would have put in many hours
a week doing the work.  He would NOT have been willing to spend 5 years
planning and implementing a schedule for a young child.  And fitting in
hourse cleaning, laundry, and cooking in between.  He is not unusual in this;
most of the men I know feel similarly.  Judy is lucky that her husband is an
exception.  The problem with our society is that WOMEN are not given this
same freedom and oportunity to be what THEY want to be.

If BOTH parents are working outside the home WHO get pressured and critisized
for not being home with the children?  The WOMAN!!  I don't think I have
ever heard the FATHER made to feel guilty for not being a stay-at-home dad.
This is very un-equal, since in this day and age most women can make as good
a living for the family as men, if they want to.

I greatly support those women and men who CHOOSE to stay home and care for
children.  However, I think that everyone, men and women, should have an
opportunity to get an education and develop their own personal interests.
They should then have the freedom to persue those interests without being
made to feel guilty.  I would feel happier if MEN were told this:

  "If [MEN] cannot take 5 years out of [their] career and whatever
   personal satisfaction that gives [them] to devote to the upbringing
   of another human being, then [they] should rethink having children."

Karla Perdue                 The opinions expressed are strictly my
Mountain View, CA            own and not those of Hewlett-Packard.