From: pentangl@spdcc.com (Scott Moir)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: "Giving up" Marraige
Date: 31 Jul 92 02:16:08 GMT
Organization: S.P. Dyer Computer Consulting, Cambridge MA


I suppose I should break my over-long silence on this sub and talk about
stuff that isn't hot argument for a change. 

In article <Bs89x7.GtF@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu> dbshapco@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu (Brad Shapcott) writes:
>In article <1992Jul30.142022.1653@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu> julie@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu writes:
>>
>>I never once suggested that married people should break up with their
>>spouses.  I merely suggest that they get rid of that legal
>>legitimization of it until we're all able to have it no matter who
>>(and how many of us) we're involved with.  If you truly love your
>>spouse and s/he truly loves you than that document is irrelevant to
>>you.
>
>Well, I'm willing to have you despise me, but not presume on me.
>You're being a bit arrogant in thinking that you can dictate the terms
>under which Suzanne and I can be entitled to 'true love'.  If we want
>to have that paper, that's none of your business.  Get your nose out of
>our relationship.

These two posts bring up what for me is a kind of dilemma. I look around
me and I see that because I am a male with a female it gives me the potential
to get all kinds of perks if I would just go ahead and get 'that stupid
piece of paper' called a marriage license. My gay friends don't have that
ability, and thier love for each other is not one whit less than mine for
my mate. 

Now I -want- to marry Deanne, but the time is not right for the moment.
It would mess up too many things... but that is my problem. My upbringing
was in a protestant family that wasn't fanatically religious, but my parents
got married in high school and have been together for almost all my life.
The divorced at one point, but still lived together. They really love each
other a lot. Being legally hitched didn't affect they way they felt about
each other, but it did do something important. It made a legal and public
commitment saying 'I will take care of you'.

I can get up in the morning and have the option to walk out and not come
back, Deanne has the same option. The fact that we roll over and kiss
each other instead is the choice we make. We are together because we
-choose- to be. In a way that makes her being there all the more special,
because I know there is nothing holding her to my side besides her free will.

I was married before, unfortunately to the wrong person, and what was once
a fine relationship became a cage. I'm not certain what would happen if
Deanne and I did get married. I think it would irrevocably change the dynamics
of our relationship, and I'm not certian it would be for the better. That 
voice inside me still tells me to marry her. If she ever got hurt I would
not be able to visit her as family. I have no rights to her property. If
anything were to happen to her , her son would go back to his father in 
Ohio who hasn't sent her a penny in 9 years. Because we don't have that
stupid paper from the state we are limited in what we can do to take care
of each other.

We are going to stay unmarried, because we feel that if we are together it
should be because we want to be, not because we are compelled to be. But I
worry about what might happen. If my circumstances were different I might be
able to give it a more noble reason like 'gays and lesbians can't do it so
I won't'. Unfortunately I can't. They -should- have the right. They MUST have
the right. But I look and I see one step that will allow me to take care of
my mate in an emergency, and it is very difficult not to consider reaching
out and grabbing hold of that option. 

Dammit, why can't the government just let go and let people do what they
want to and need to in order to love and care for each other? It isn't
really any of thier damn buisness.

Scott

-- 
Scott Moir / Pentangle / Satyr ______ # "There's really only one requirement 
pentangl@Ursa-Major.spdcc.com  \ \/ / #  for a Prophet, and you've got it."
B4 f t+ w g k+(+) s+ m r p+     \/\/  # "What's that?"
These are my opinions, not SPDCC's    # "A mouth." - 'God' to J.R.'BoB' Dobbs