From: tvf@cci632.cci.com (Tom Frauenhofer)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.current
Subject: Season 6 Spoilers! Not!
Date: 20 Aug 92 18:58:21 GMT
Organization: Northern Telecom, Network Applications Systems, Rochester, NY

Spoilers (Not!) for Season 6:


1) In the opener, Geordi dies.  Data's actually building a mechanism to
interface a human head with his body.  He has Picard plop off his head and
becomes Geordi the Super-Cyborg.  Data's old head is given to Clemens, who
uses it in a bowling match.  It falls down the back with the pins and
through a hole in the floor.  Clemens, obviously upset, flings his watch up
the alley and it falls through THE SAME HOLE!

2) One of the later episodes features Scotty being beamed back on a derelict
starship.  Seems he was returning from the planet DunkinDonut after enjoying
a brief breakfast but during his pattern no longer fit inside the beam.
After 75 years he has lost enough weight that it works.  The name of this
episode is "Beamwidth."

3) Another episode features the aging and death of Troi.  What you do not
know is that the two are unrelated.  Turns out Luxawna is on board.  I
believe this episode is called "Fry, Betazoids, Fry!"

4) Halfway through the season that mischevious elf Q makes the first of two
appearances.  In the first, "Duelling Q's" he selects a team of 3 Enterprise
crewmembers to battle another Q's team.  Competitions include Food Fights,
the lovable Ham Actor's Challenge, the Chug-a-Lug, throwing the caber,
running up the biggest phone bill, best explanation for why Denise Crosby
came back, and the finale, the "Guess Riker's Weight Within 2 Pounds"
challenge.  Oh, it'll be laughs aplenty as omnipotent beings toy with lesser
life forms for thousands of dollars of valuable prizes and merchandise.
Vanna White co-stars.

5) In the other Q episode, the Enterprise's saucer bends up at the edges and
a drain appears in the middle of the bridge, leading down to the engine
room.  Q appears as a several thousand foot-tall giant with stomache
cramps.  It's mudslides aplenty as the crew fights for their lives.  The
name of this episode is tentatively "The Tidy-Bowl Incident."

6) Picard's mother is back!  Yes, Maman, last seen in the first season
episode "Where No One Has Gone Before" returns.  Seems she was caught in the
transporter beam of a 30-year old starship.  Can the crew handle the
complaints of a woman who can only talk about "The Donut Man?"

7) Wesley's back!  In this episode, our favorite "wunderkind of the stars"
returns.  This time he's plotting his revenge against Picard for causing him
to have to repeat his first year in the Academy.  He's modified the
transporter to play pranks on the captain.  Guinan is heavily featured, so
it's Whoopi Goldberg meets Whoopy Cushions in the episode entitled "I Don't
Smell It!"

8) Alexander, that lovable tyke, causes more trouble for daddy Worf in two
episodes this season.  In "Target Practice" Alexander's been lying to his
schoolteacher again.  Worf rigs a shuttle with a Romulan beacon and cloaking
device, puts the unconscious Alexander on it, and sends it off.  He later
explains it to Picard as the Klingon ritual of "Car-no-parki-my-spot", which
translates to "At least your son can act."  In the episode "Family Ties that
Bind and Gag" Alexander gets hit on the head and goes unconscious.  In his
demential he starts the transporter.  Michael J. Fox materializes, having
been in transport since "Back to the Future Part III" was a wrap.  They take
the shuttle Delorean to the Klingon home world where they start the first
Klingon McDonald's.  (Note: scrubbed from this season is the sequel, where
the mischevious Q opens a Burger King.)

9) The Enterprise finds a planet facing a famine that the inhabitants claim
was started by a Federation visitor.  Four commercial breaks later we learn
that it's the planed DunkinDonut.  Scotty apologizes and builds a Munchkin
machine out of spare transporter circuitry, thus saving the entire populace.

10) The Borg return in an episode entitled "Buy Borg".  The virus of human
compassion is starting to cripple our favorite enemy, so they have started
to study and emulate human behavior.  For instance, instead of a giant cube,
two hundered Borg have fit themselves into a flying phone booth.  It is
almost destroyed when they ask for a light, but Data deciphers the true
meaning of their message and offers them a beer.  It seems now all the Borg
wear plaid suits and, in fact, they don't call themselves the Borg anymore.
They are now the Salesmen, and they want all humanity to purchase their life
insurance from them at outrageous rates.  Definitely a not-to-be-missed
episode if there ever was one!

Good Dialogue is promised, too.  Such lines as:

(From "Dueling Q's")
Q: Two-hundred five?  I don't believe it!
Riker: It's the uniform!
Scotty: Aye, and the ice cream had nothin' t'do with it!

(From "I Don't Smell It!")
Troi: I sense something.
Riker: Shouldn't that be 'you smell something?'
Picard: It's not funny, Dammit!

(From "Fry, Betazoids, Fry!")
Phaser: ZAP!
Luxawnna: AAAHHHHHHH!

(From "Beamwidth")
Scotty: Laddy, ya dinna ken if there's any creme-filled left?
Data: No, I ... dinna ken.
Scotty: Aye!

(From "Target Practice")
Picard: Mr. Worf, I have never know you to be so quick on the trigger.  My
        commendation.
Worf: I had extra, er, incentive, sir.
Picard: Indeed!

(From "The Tidy-Bowl Incident")
Ro: He's got his hand on the port nacell, sir!
Picard: The port nacell?  Why...
Ro: Sir, He's pushing it down!
Picard: Merde!
Riker: It's a little late for that!
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
--
Thomas V. Frauenhofer, WA2YYW, tvf@cci.com, ...!uunet!uupsi!cci632!tvf
Mandlebratwurst: The Meal that Eats Itself!
Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.current