From: yasu@ll.mit.edu (Alan Yasutovich)
Subject: deciding paternity
Organization: MIT Lincoln Laboratory
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 92 16:11:42 GMT

>From: ssmith@xocolatl.com (Shannon Smith)
>Newsgroups: alt.child-support,alt.dads-rights
>Subject: Re: Deciding paternity
>
>Paternity can be challenged with a simple blood test, or DNA if the
>blood test is inconclusive.  One it has been established that the
>husband is not the father of the child, his name can be stricken from
>the child's birth certificate.  The mother can then name the
>biological father for the child, and if she can prove it (blood
>test/getting the father to sign a Statement of Paternity) then *his*
>name goes on the birth certificate.

	Yes, but we see repeated reports on this net about how the
	state(s) keep saying that the x2b's are the father of
	a child, where the woman got pregnant by another guy
	during the divorce, thus making him responsible for
	support.


>Vasectomy in and of itself is meaningless, since even they aren't one
>hundred percent effective.  But the vasectomy would sure give you
>cause to wonder.  It did for the father of *my* children, for child
>#2....

	It has been experessed to me that there are 3 or 4 methods
	of vasectomy; some with "reversal" in mind. ButI find it
	hard to believe that this information would not be
	available, and I find it hard to believe that most men
	would get a permanent one.  Men are not noted for long-sighted
	approaches to these things, nor are many people.  If you
	pay money (and misery) for something, you do it with a 
	purpose in mind.

>After reading your story, and of your desire to remain estranged from
>your son (or might it really be, punish your son for what you see
>your ex-wife as having wrought), your .sig saddens me every time I
>see it.  I wonder if that son of yours will ever have Net access,
>will ever see that .sig, and know "my Dad never wanted me."

	I doubt he ever will.  But I find it (as I've expressed in
	prior mail) interesting that anyone would charge into a
	situation thinking that I, for some reason, wanted to contact
	him desperately and just couldn't/didn't. This is most 
	amazing to me.  If you date someone and they stop calling,
	doesn't that tell you they're not interested?  If you give
	out your number and they don't call, do you chase them?
	It's common sense. 

>What a charming legacy.

	Yes.  It is a charming legacy that:

	1) My ex deliberately got pregnant at a time when our relationship
	was already in trouble, just to "keep" me. and

	2) That she felt that my son didn't need me until he was 12
	years old.

	Charming.

>Sorry.  Others have put similar sentiments gently.  I have tried, and
>failed.  Maybe it's because I know what it's like to have
>disappointed a father by one's mere existence, though not to the same
>degree that your son has.  My sin was merely in not having been born
>a boy.  It's only a teeeeny tiny disppointment to a father who
>otherwise was delighted in me.  But I could still feel it.  I cannot
>imagine how your son might feel, if he were ever to see what you have
>posted about him on the Net.

	I have seen no "others" who put anything gently.  I have
	quitely watched while several people blatantly came to
	my public defense due to one such post as this.


>Your son has NO obligation to attempt to please you, by changing the
>name he's always known himself by, or in any other fashion.  He may
>well *wish* to please you.  I hope you can someday appreciate him for
>what he *can* be to and with you, instead of finding things to
>condemn about him.

	This question of obligation has many sides.  They are:

	1)  The legal side of a minor doing what they're told.
	(He's obliged)
	2)  The personal side of wanting to please me (If in fact
	any of this is *really* important to him)  He's not obliged.
		a) There used to be something called "respect" for
		parents.  It's not a legal notion.  But it can be more
		binding. Apparently you don't consider this important
		and never learned about it.  It is the burden of a child
		to respect/obey his/her parents; and the burden of the
		parents to provide for/direct the kid.

		b) If I go to this WONDERFUL job interview and say, 
		"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!", I really don't expect to get a 
		call for the job. If a person is really after something,
		they act accordingly.

	It is just one more "charming" thing my ex has done on her own
	which I could probably legally change in the short term,
	but not for the long term.  But on the personal level, which
	I think is the basis for your post, it simply shows that he
	isn't interested in identifying with me.  He will pay for this
	eventually!  (We have last wills.  See.  I'm NOT kidding.  *I*
	hold the cards).


-- 
	Alan Yasutovich
	"inquiring  (and nosey) minds WANT TO KNOW!!!"
	I can remember when "safe sex" meant having a padded headboard!!
	Tick Tock.....Tick Tock......Tick Tock .....Tick Tock......
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