From: sprooney@unix1.tcd.ie (Simon Rooney)
Subject: Liff of Briag Skrypt (part... II) (talk about suspense!!)
Summary: Bottom. (oh, what a giveaway.)
Keywords: the other
Organization: Trinity College, Dublin
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 13:45:11 GMT



--------[Brian sees a troop of Romans, and quickly looks for a way of
         disguising himself. He spots a Beard selling stand, and heads for it
         There, he meet a Merchant (Merchnt), and picks up a fake beard.]
Brian   How much?  Quick!
Merchnt What?
Brian   It's for the wife.
Merchnt Oh. Uh... Twenty shekels.
Brian   Right.
Merchnt What?
Brian   There you are.
Merchnt Wait a minute.
Brian   What?
Merchnt Well, we're, we're supposed to haggle.
Brian   No, no, I've got to get...
Merchnt What do you mean, no no no?
Brian   I haven't time, I've got ...
Merchnt Well give it back then.
Brian   No, no, no I paid you.
Merchnt Burt!
--------[A large man stands up behind Brian, blocking his way out.]
Burt    Yeah?
Merchnt This bloke won't haggle.
Burt    Won't haggle???
Brian   All right... do we have to?
--------[Burt disappears.]
Merchnt Now look. I want twenty for that.
Brian   I, I just gave you twenty.
Merchnt Now are you telling me that's not worth twenty shekels?
Brian   No.
Merchnt Look at it. Feel the quality, that's none of yer goat.
Brian   All right, I'll give you nineteen then.
Merchnt No, no, no. Come on. Do it properly.
Brian   What?
Merchnt Haggle properly.  This isn't worth nineteen.
Brian   But you just said it was worth twenty.
Merchnt Oh dear, oh dear. Come on. Haggle.
Brian   All right, I'll give you ten.
Merchnt That's more like it.
        Ten!?  Are you trying to insult me?  Me?  With a poor dying
        grandmother...Ten!?!
Brian   All right, I'll give you Eleven.
Merchnt Now you're getting it.  Eleven!?!  Did I hear you right?  Eleven? 
        This cost me twelve. You want to ruin me?
Brian   Seventeen.
Merchnt No, no, no, no. Seventeen!
Brian   Eighteen?
Merchnt No, no,.  You go to fourteen now.
Brian   All right, I'll give you fourteen.
Merchnt Fourteen, are you joking?
Brian   That's what you told me to say.
Merchnt Oh dear.
Brian   Oh Tell me what to say. Please.
Merchnt Offer me fourteen.
Brian   I'll give you fourteen.
Merchnt He's offering me fourteen for this!
Brian   Fifteen.
Merchnt Seventeen.  My last word.  I won't take a penny less, or strike me
        dead.
Brian   Sixteen.
Merchnt Done. Nice to do business with you. Tell you what, I'll throw in 
        this as well.
        [Hands Brian the Gourd.]
Brian   I don't want it, but thanks.
Merchnt Burt!
Burt    Yeah?
Brian   All right, all right, all right.
Merchnt Where's the sixteen you owe me?
Brian   I just gave you twenty.
Merchnt Oh yeah. That's right. That's four I owe you then. 
Brian   No, it's all right, that's fine, that's fine.
Merchnt No, I've got it here somewhere.
Brian   It's all right, that's four for the gourd.
Merchnt Four for this gourd? Four!!!!  Look at it, that's worth ten if it's
        worth a shekel.
Brian   But you just gave it to me for nothing.
Merchnt Yes, but it's worth ten.
Brian   All right, all right.
Merchnt No, no, no, no. It's not worth ten, You're supposed to argue. Ten for
        that, you must be mad!
        [He notices Brian running.]
Merchnt Ah, well. <snif>. There's one born every minute.
 


--------[Meanwhile, back at the PFJ HQ, thy are reading a list of the
         ex-rebels who went on the raid.]
Reg     Daniel.
Loretta Daniel.
Rebel   Job.
Reg     Job.
Loretta Job.
Rebel   Joshua.
Reg     Joshua.
Loretta Joshua.
Rebel   Judges.
Reg     Judges.
Loretta Judges.
Rebel   and Brian.
Reg     and Brian.
Loretta Brian.
Reg     I now propose that all seven of these ex-brothers be now entered in
        the minutes as probationary martys to the cause.
Loretta I second that, Reg.
Reg     Thank you, Loretta. On the nod. 
        Siblings! Let us not be down-hearted. One total catastrophe like this
        is just the beginning. Their glorious deaths shall unite us all in 
        a...
Mathias Look out!
--------[Brian walks in still wearing his beard, and uncovers the others in
         their hiding places.]
Brian   Hello? Mathias? Reg.
Reg     Go away!
Brian   Hmm? Reg. It's me, Brian.
Reg     Get off! Get off, out of it!
Brian   Stan.
Loretta Piss off.
Rebel1  Yeah... piss off.
Rebel2  Bugger off.
--------[There is a loud knocking at the door.]
Reg     Oh, shit!!!
Mathias Coming.
--------[Mathias signals Brian to hide out on the balcony. This he does, but
         it moves ominously when he steps out onto it. Directly below him, he
         can see the accurate prophet from two scenes ago.]
Acurate Yea verily at that time, it is written in the book of Issiah that a 
        man shall strike his donkey, and his nephew's donkey.
Mathias [Walking to the door.] My eyes are dim, I cannot see.
--------[He opens the door to show a Roman legion led by our very own
         Centurian.]
Cntrian Are you Mathias?
Mathias Yes.
Cntrian We have reason to believe you may be hiding one Brian of Nazareth,
        a member of the terrorist organisation: the People's Front of Judea.
Mathias Me? No. I am just a poor old man, I've no time for law-breakers. My
        legs are grey, my ears are nulled, my eyes are old, and bent.
Cntrian Quiet! Silly person. Guards! Search the house!
--------[The rest of of the legion march quickly into the house.]
        You know the penalty layed down by Roman law for harbouring a known
        criminal?
Mathias No.
Cntrian Crucfiction.
Mathias Oh.
Cntrian Nasty, eh?
Mathias Hm. Could be worse.
Cntrian What do you mean 'could be worse'?
Mathias Well, you could be stabbed.
Cntrian Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It's a slow, 
        'orrible death.
Mathias Well, at lest it gets you out in the open air.
Cntrian You're weird!
--------[The guards march back out.]
Sergent No sir. Couldn't find anything, sir.
Cntrian But don't worry, you've not seen the last of us... weirdo.
        [He walks away.]
Mathias Big-nose.
Cntrian Watch it!
Mathias Phew. That was lucky.
--------[The PFJ emerge from their hiding places.]
Brian   I'm sorry, Reg.
Reg     Oh, it's all right, siblings. He's sorry. He's sorry he led the fifth
        legion straight to our offial headquarters. Well, that's all right
        then, Brian. Sit down. Have a scone. Make yourself at home. YOU 
        KLUTZ!!! You stupid, bird-brained, flat-headed...
--------[There is another knocking at the door. Everyone scarpers.]
Mathias My legs are old and bend, my ears are grizzled, yes?
Cntrian There's one place we didn't look. Guards!
--------[The guards march back in. Some of Mathias' rabling is obscured by
         the marching.]
Mathias I'm just a poor old man....<mumble>....my eyes are poor, my nose is
        knackered.
Cntrian Have you ever seen anyone cucified?
Mathias Crucifixion's a doddle.
Cntrian Don't keep saying that.
--------[The guards march out again, the sergent holding the wooden spoon
         used by Francis earlier.]
Sergent Found this spoon, sir.
Cntrian Well done, sergent. We'll be back... oddball.
--------[Everyone inside relaxes again. Immediately, there is another knock.]
        Open up!
Mathias You haven't given us time to hide.


--------[The balcony finally gives up its desperate struggle for survival,
         and Brian falls on thop of the accurate prophet.]
Brian   Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Acurate ... the nephew or the donkey... Wha? Wooooooah!
--------[The prophet gets knocked off his podium into a large jug, and Brian
         is left standing there.] 
Croud   <clap> <clap> <clap> <clap>
--------[The crowd of five and also a Roman soldier look up expectantly at
         Brian. He looks around at the other prophets for inspiration.]
N.Irish ... a nine bladed sword which he shall strike...
Black   ... the jumbo jets which shall flyy up to the...
--------[He decides there's nothing to do but start preaching, or he'll be
         seen as an imposter.He start speaking to his audience.]
--------[Pasr-By : A man in grey who happens to be in the area. 
         Begger  : An old Begger sitting on the podium beside Brian.
         Hekelr1 : A Woman holding a baby.
         Hekelr2 : A man in a turban.
         Hekelr3 : A man in a turabn with a beard and moustaches.]
Brian   Don't uh, pass judgement on other people, or you might get judged
        yourself.
Pasr-By What?
Brian   I said don't pass judgement on other people, or else You might get 
        judged too.
Pasr-By Who, Me?
Brian   Yes.
Pasr-By Oh. Ooh. Thank you very much.
Brian   Well, not just you. All of you.
Begger  That's a nice gourd.
Brian   What?
Begger  How much do you want for the gourd?
Brian   I don't. You can have it.
Begger  Have it?
Brian   Yes. Consider the lillies...
Begger  Don't you want to haggle?
Brian   No... in the fields.        
Begger  What's wrong with it then?
Brian   Nothing. Take it.
Hekler1 Consider the lillies?
Brian   Uh, well, the birds then.
Hekler2 What birds?
Brian   Any birds.
Hekler2 Why?
Brian   Well, have they got jobs?
Hekler3 Who?
Brian   The birds.
Hekler2 Have the birds got jobs?!?
--------[A man passing by hears them giving out and joins in.]
Hekler5 What's the matter with him?
Hekler3 He says the birds are scrounging.
Brian   Oh, uh, look. The point is that they do all right, don't they?
Hekler5 Well good luck to 'em.
Hekler2 Yeah. They're very pretty. 
Brian   O.K. And you're much more important than they are, right? So what are
        you worrying about? There you are, See?
Hekler2 I'm worrying about what you have got against birds.
Brian   I haven't got anything against the birds. Consider the lillies.
Hekler3 He's having a go at the flowers now!
Hekler2 Oh, give the flowers a chance.
Begger  I'll give you one for it.
Brian   It's yours.
Begger  Two.
Brian   Look, there was this man, and he had two servants...
Hekler3 What were they called?
Brian   What?
Hekler3 What were their names?
Brian   I don't know. And he gave them some talents.
Hekler2 You don't know?!?
Brian   Well it doesn't matter.
Hekler3 He doesn't know what they were called.
Brian   Oh, they were called Noims, and Adrian, now...
Hekler3 Oh! You said you didn't know!
Brian   It really doesn't matter, the point is there were these two servants.
Hekler3 He's making it up as he goes along!
Brian   No I'm not! And he gave them some talen... wait a minute, were there
        three?
Hekler2 Oh, he's terrible!
Hekler3 Rsprrrrr!
Brian   There were three, there were two or three!
Hekler1 Ah, get off!          
--------[Just as is gets worst, along comes the Roman legion wh have by now
         finished searching Mathias' house.]
Brian   OH!!! Eh, Uzwuh, uh, b-b... Now. Now Hear This! Blessed are they...
Begger  Three.
Brian   ... who convert their neighbour's ox, for they shall inhibit their  
        girth. 
HeklerX Rubbish!
Brian   And to them only shall be given... to them only... shall. Be. Given.
--------[The Romans pass.]
 
-------- [From this moment on, it is decreed that all hecklers shall become 
          followers (folowrs) of Brian. The hecklers keeping their numbers.]

Folowr1 What?
Brian   Hmm?
Folowr1 Shall be given what?
Brian   Oh, Nothing.
Folowr1 What were you going to say?
Brian   Nothing.
Folowrs Yes you were.
Folowr1 Yes, you were going to say something.
Brian   No I wasn't. I'd finished.
Folowr1 Oh no you weren't.
Folowr3 Oh, tell us before you go.
Brian   I wasn't going to say anything. I'd finished.
Folowr1 No you hadn't.
BlindMn What won't he tell?
Folowr2 He won't say.
BlindMn Is it a secret?
Brian   No.
BlindMn Is it?
Folowr2 Must be, otherwise he'd tell us.
Folowr3 Oh, tell us the secret.
Brian   Leave me alone.
Folowr2 What is the secret?                 
--------[A woman comes pushing through the crowd. His newest convert.]
Folowr4 Is it the secret of eternal life?
Folowr2 He won't say!
Folowr3 Well of course not. If I knew the secret of eternal life, I wouldn't
        say.
Brian   Leave me alone.
Folowr4 Just tell me, please!
Folowr3 No, tell us, master. We were here first.
Folowr4 Tell us. Tell us, master.
Begger  Five.
Brian   Oh, go away.
Begger  I can't go above five.
Folowr4 Is that His gourd?
Begger  Yes, but it's under offer.
Folowr4 This is His gourd!
Begger  Ten!
Folowr4 It is His gourd. We will carry it for you, master. Master?
Folowr2 He's gone! He's been taken up!
Folowr4 <gasp>
Folowrs He's been taken up!!!
Begger  Eighteen!
Folowr3 No. There he is. Over there.
Folowr  Oh, yeah.



--------[As Brian runs out of the city, one of his shoes (or is it a sandal?)
         falls off. His followers stop, and Follower 5 picks it up.]
Folowr3 He has given us a sign!
Folowr5 He has given us... a shoe!
Folowr3 The shoe is the sign. Let us follow his example.
Spike   What?
Folowr3 Let us, like him, hold up one shoe and let the other be upon our foot
        for this is His sign, and all who follow Him shall do likewise.
Folowr2 Yes.
Folowr5 No no no.
Folowr2 No.
Folowr5 The shoe is a sign that we must gather shoes together in a bundle.
Folowr4 Cast off the shoes. Follow the gourd.
Spike   What?
Folowr5 No. Let us gather shoes together. Let me...
Folowr4 Get off!
Folowr2 No, no. It is a sign that like him, we must think not of things of
        the body, but of the face, and head.
Folowr5 Give me your shoe.
Folowr2 Get off!
Folowr4 Follow the gourd. The holy gourd of Jerusalem.
Folowr  The gourd!
Folowr6 Hold up the sandal, as He has commanded us.
Folowr3 It is a shoe! It is a shoe!
Folowr6 It is a sandal!
Folowr3 No, it is a shoe!
Folowr4 Cast it away!
Folowr5 Put it on!
Folowr2 Clear off!
Folowr5 Take the shoes and follow him!
Folowr4 All ye...<summat>... follow the gourdie [?!?]
--------[One man is left behind. He deserves his real name, I think. He
         doesn't realise that everyone is leaving him, so he starts talking.]
Spike   No! Stop! Stop! Stop! Let us. Let us pray. Yea, He cometh to us, like
        the seed to the grain.
--------[He then realises he's alone, so he walks off, embarrased.]


--------[Now comes yet another of the wonderful chase scenes through the
         countryside.]
Folowrs MASTER!!! MASTER!!!
Goats   <maaah>


--------[Brian comes upon a hole {Hmmmm. Stop thinking that, you naughty
         person! You know wot I mean.} with a hermit in it. {I said stop
         that!}]
Brian   Hey! Is there another way down? Is there another path down to the 
        river?
Hermit  Mmmmm. Mmmmm.
Brian   Please please help me. I've got to get...
--------[He sees everyone following him, so he jumps into the hole to hide.]
Hermit  Mmmm. [Brian lands on his foot.]  OH my foot!!! Oh!
Brian   Ssssh.
Hermit  Oh, Damn, damn, damn!
Brian   I'm sorry! Ssssh.
Hermit  Oh, Damn, damn, and blast it!
Brian   I'm sorry! Ssssh.
Hermit  Don't you 'Ssssh' me. Eighteen years of total silence, and you Sssh
        me!
Brian   What?
Hermit  I've kept my vow for eighteen years. Not a single, recognisable
        articulate sound has passed my lips.
Brian   Oh please, could you be quiet just another five minutes?
Hermit  Oh, it doesn't matter now, I might as well enjoy myself. The times in
        the last eighteen years I've wanted to shout, and sing, and scream my
        name out! 
Brian   Sssssh.
--------[He starts getng happy, jumping up and down, while Brian tries to
         stop him.]
Hermit  Oh, I'm alive! I'm father Gila. I'm father Gila. I'm father Gaaaagh!
        Oh I'm alive, I'm alive. Hello birds. Hello trees. I'm aligggh! Get
        off. I'm alive! I'm father Gila, I'm father and I'm. <      >!!!
        [He sees everyone.] 

--------[They see him, and run over to the hole.]
Folowrs Master! Master!
Folowr5 The master!
Folowr  He is here!
folowr  The shoe...
Folowrs <various ramblings>
Folowr3 Speak!
Folowrs Sssssh.
Folowr3 Speak to us master, speak to us.
Brian   Go away!
Folowrs A blessing! A blessing!
Folowr3 How shall we go away, master?
Brian   Oh, just go away. Leave me alone!
Folowr5 Give us a sign!
Folowr3 He has given us a sign. He has brought us to this place!
Brian   I didn't bring you here, you just followed me.
Folowr5 Oh, it's still a good sign by any standard.
Folowr3 Master, your people have walked many miles to be with you. They  are 
        weary, and have not eaten.
Brian   It's not my fault they haven't eaten.
Folowr3 There is no food in this high mountain.
Brian   Well what about the juniper bushes over there.
Folowrs <Gasp!> A miracle! A miracle!
--------[A few of them go over to the bushes to eat.]
Folowr5 He has made the bush fruitful by His word.
Folowr2 They have brought forth juniper berries!
Brian   Of course they've brought forth juniper berries, they're juniper 
        bushes! What do you expect?
Folowr1 Show us another miracle!
Folowr3 Do not tempt him, shallow ones! Is not the miracle of the juniper
        bushes enough?                
Hermit  I say. Those are my juniper bushes.
Folowr3 They are a gift from God!
Hermit  They're all I've bloody got to eat. 
        [He jumps up naked out of his hole, and starts chasing people away.]
        Ugn. I say. Get off those bushes. Go on. Clear off, the lot of you.
Folowr6 Lord! I am affected by a bald patch.
BlindMn I am healed! The master has healed me!
Brian   I didn't touch him!
BlindMn I was blind, and now I can see! Oh!
--------[The blind man throws away his cane, and steps forward... right into 
         the hole. Nobody notices.]
Folowrs A miracle! A miracle!
Hermit  [After coming back to Brian.]
        Tell them to stop it. I hadn't said a word for eighteen years 'till
        he came along.
Folowrs A miracle! He is the Messiah!
Hermit  Well he hurt my foot!
Folowrs Hurt my foot lord, hurt mine.
Folowr3 Hail, messiah.
--------[They all get down on their knees.]
Brian   I'm not the messiah.
Folowr3 I say you are, lord, and I should know... I've followed a few.
Folowrs Hail messiah!
Brian   I'm not the messiah, would you please listen. I'm not the messiah, do
        you understand? Honestly!
Folowr4 Only the true messiah denies his divinity.
Brian   What? Well what sort of chance does that give me? All right, I AM the
        messiah.
Folowrs He IS! He IS the messiah!
--------[They prostrate themselves in front of him.]
Brian   Now fuck off!
Folowr3 How shall we fuck off oh lord?
Brian   Oh just go away. Leave me alone.
Hermit  You told these people to eat my juniper berries. You break my bloody 
        foot, you break my vow of silence, and then you try to clean up on my
        juniper bushes.
Brian   Oh, lay off.
Folowr3 This is the messiah. The chosen one.
Hermit  No he's not.
Brian   Aaaagh!
Folowr3 An un-believer!
Folowrs An un-believer!
Folowr3 Persecute! Kill the heretic!
--------[They pick him up {Hey babe... what's your sign?} and carry him off.]
Folowrs Kill! Kill him! [etc...]
Brian   Leave him alone! Leave him alone! Leave him alone. Put him down.
        Please.
--------[One person is left behind.]
Judith  Brian?
Brian   Judith??



--------[The next day dawns over Jerusalem.]
Cock?!? Cock-a-doodle doo.
--------[Brian wakes up to find Judith lying beside him. He smiles to himself
         and walks still naked over to the window, which he throws open to
         take a good deep breath of fresh air.]
Crowd   LOOK! THERE HE IS! THE CHOSEN ONE HAS AWOKEN!
--------[The street outside his window is filled with his followers. He slams
         the shutters closed immediately. Then, as if it weren't bad enough,
         his mum starts knocking at the door.]
Brian   Uuuh!
MC      Brian!
--------[He struggles to get dressed, just as MC kicks the door down.]
Brian   Uuuh. Oooh. Uh. Mother. <pant> <pant> Oooh. <pant> <pant>. Ah.
MC      Brian!
Brian   Hang on mother. Sssh.
--------[MC does her super-hero impression.]
        Hello mother.
MC      Don't you 'hello mother' me. What are all those people doing out
        there? 
Brian   Oh, uh. I... well, I uh...
MC      Come on. What have you been up to, my lad?
Brian   Well, I think they must have popped by for something.
MC      Popped by? Swarmed by more like. There's a multitude out there.
Brian   Um. They, they started following me yesterday.
MC      Well they can stop following you right now!
        [She walks over to the window, and addresses the crowd outside.]
        Now stop following my son. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
Crowd   THE MESSIAH! THE MESSIAH! SHOW US THE MESSIAH!
MC      The who?
Crowd   THE MESSIAH.
MC      There's no Messiah in here. There's a mess all right, but no messiah.
        Now go away.
Crowd   BRIAN! BRIAN!
MC      Right, my lad. What have you been up to?
Brian   Nothing mum, uh...
--------[She starts backing him ino a corner.]
MC      Come on. Out with it.
Brian   They think I'm the messiah, mum.
--------[<Whap>]
MC      Now what have you been telling them?
Brian   Nothing, I only...
MC      You're only making it worse for yourself.
Brian   Look, I can explain...
--------[She hits him again.]
Judith  No! Let ME explain, Mrs. Cohen! 
--------[MC turns around to see a naked Judith standing behind her,
         apparently about to explain everything to her. {I'm sure she feel a 
         whole lot more comfortable about it all now.!}]
        Your son is a born leader. those people out there are following him
        because they believe in him, Mrs. Cohen. They believe he can give
        them hope. Hope of a new life, a new world, a better future.
MC      <                     >!!!!!!!!
        Who's THAT?
Brian   Oooh! It's Judith, mum. Judith, mother. Mmm. Waaaaaaaaah!
--------[As Brian gets hit again, Judih runs over to protect him. {I love
         that bit of the film *:) }]
MC      Oooooooh!
        [She goes over to the window.]
Crowd   THE MESSIAH, THE MESSIAH. SHOW US THE MESSIAH. THE MESSIAH, THE 
        MESSIAH. SHOW US THE MESSIAH.
MC      Now you listen here. He's not he messiah, he's a very naughty boy! 
        now go away.
Crowd   WHO ARE YOU?
MC      I'm his mother, that's who.
Crowd   BEHOLD HIS MOTHER! BEHOLD HIS MOTHER! HAIL TO THEE MOTHER OF BRIAN.
        BLESSED ART THOU, HOSANNAH! ALL PRAISE TO THEE, NOW AND ALWAYS!!!
MC      Aaaaahw. Now don't think you can get around me like that. He's not
        coming out, and that's my final word. Now shove off!
Crowd   NO!
MC      Did you hear what I said?
Crowd   YES!
MC      Oh. I see. It's like that, is it?
Crowd   YES!
MC      Aaaaw, well, all right then. You can see him for one minute, but not
        one second more. Do you understand?
Crowd   Yes.
MC      Promise?
Crowd   Well, All Right.
MC      All right. Here he is then. Come on, Brian. Come and talk to them.
Brian   But mum. Judith.
MC      Now leave that welsh tart alone.
--------[She drags him out to address the crowd.]
Brian   But I don't really want to, mum.
Crowd   BRIAN. BRIAN <etc...>
Brian   Good Morning.
Crowd   A BLESSING! A BLESSING! A BLESSING!
Brian   No, No. please, please, please listen. I've got one or two things to
        say.
Crowd   TELL US! TELL US BOTH OF THEM.
Brian   Look. You've got it all wrong. You don't Need to follow me. You don't
        Need to follow anybody. You've got to think for yourselves. You're
        all individuals.
Crowd   YES! WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS!
Brian   You're all different.
Crowd   YES. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.
Folowr5 I'm not.
Crowd   Ssssh. Sssh.
Brian   You've all got to work it our for yourselves.
Crowd   YES. WE'VE GOT TO WORK IT OUT FOR OURSELVES.
Brian   Exactly.
Crowd   TELL US MORE!
Brian   No. That's the point. Don't let anyone tell you what to do.
--------[MC comes out 1 minute, 6 seconds later.]
        Otherwise... ow! no!
MC      Come on Brian. That's enough, that's enough.
Crowd   OOOOOH! THAT WASN'T A MINUTE.
MC      Oh yes it was.
Crowd   OH NO IT WASN'T!
MC      Now stop that, and go away.
Folowr  Excuse me.
MC      Yes?
Folowr  Are you a virgin?
MC      I Beg your pardon?!?
Folowr  Well, if it's not a personal question, are you a virgin? 
MC      If it's not a personal question? How much more personal can you get? 
        Now piss off!
Folowr  She is.
Crowd   Yeah. Must be... she is. Definitely...

                                 
--------[Brian leaves his room, to find a large number of apparently sick 
         people (Sickos, SikMen, SikWomn ) in the next room. A Manager is
         also waiting for him.]
Sickos  <gasp>!
Manager Morning, Saviour.
--------[As he manager leads him through the room, various people approach
         him.]
SikWomn Lay your hands on here, quick.
SikMan1 Now don't jostle the chosen one, please.   
SikBaby Waaah!
Manager Don't push that baby in the saviour's face, you'll have 'till later.
Jew     I say. I say. Could He just see my wife... she has a headache.
Manager You'll have to wait I'm afraid.
Jew     It's very bad, and we've got a luncheon appointment.
Manager Look, the lepers are queueing.
SikMan2 Her brother-in-law's the ex-mayor of God.
Manager Brian, can I introduce the gentleman who's letting us have the mount
        on sunday.
MountMn Hello.
SikMan3 Don't push!
--------[Brian leaves and sits down on the steps outside his house, away from
         all the hassle.]
Manager And keep the noise down, please? Those possessed by devils try and 
        keep them under control a bit, can't you? Ah... Incurables? You'll 
        just have to wait for a few minutes. Ah. Women taken in sin, line up
        against that wall, will you? 


--------[Judith come out and enthusiasticly joins him.]
Judith  Brian? Brian, you were fantastic!
Brian   [Proudly] You weren't s bad yourself.
Judith  No. What you said just now. It was quite extraordinary.
Brian   What? Oh, that. Was it?
Judith  We don't need any leaders, You're so right. Reg has been dominating 
        us for too long.
Brian   Well, yes.
Judith  It needed saying, and you said it, Brian.
Brian   You're... very attractive.
Judith  It's Our revolution. We can all do it together.
Brian   I think, I think...
Judith  We're all behind you, Brian. The revolution is in your hands.
Brian   What? No, that's not what I meant at all...
--------[A hand slaps onto his shoulder.]
Cntrian You're fuckin' nicked, me old beauty. Right.
--------[As Brian gets led off, Judith, not knowing what to do, viciously 
         attacks the centurian.]
        Stop that.


--------[Brian is brought back to Pilates palace.]
--------{In this scene, the Centurian's true self is revealed. I LOVE HIM!!!}
Pilate  Well Bwian, you've given us a good wun for our money.
Brian   [Almost bored, and resigned.] A what? [<Whap>] Aaaaah.
Pilate  This time, I guarantee you will not escape. Guard. Do we have any 
        cwucifixions today?
Guard   'Hundred and thirty nine, sir. Special celebration, passover sir.
Pilate  Wight. Now we have a hundred and fourty. Nice wound number, eh 
        Bigus?
--------[We now see Bigus Dickus lying on a couch. You can't see if he Does.]
Bigus   Hmm.
--------[The Centurian walks in from the balcony, where we can hear a rather
         restless crowd.]
Cntrian Hail Caeser.
Pilate  Hail.
Cntrian The crowd outside are getting a bit restless, sir. Permission to 
        disperse them please.
Pilate  Disperse them? But I haven't addwessed them yet.
Cntrian Ah, no, I know sir, but..
Pilate  My addwess is one of the high points of the passover. My fwiend, 
        Bigus Dickus has come all the way fwom Wome just to heaw it.
Cntrian Hail Caeser.
Bigus   Hail Theather.
Cntrian You're not...
        Ah, you're not eh, tinking of giving it a miss this year then, sir?
Pilate  Give it a miss?
Cntrian Well, it's just that they're in a rather funny mood today, sir.
Pilate  Weally, centurian. I'm surprised to hear a man like you wattled by a 
        wabble of wowdy webels.
Cntrian {He's really slagging the shit out of poor Pilate.}
        Ahh bit thundery, sir.
Pilate  Take him away.
Brian   I'm a Roman. Ah, I can prove it, honestly.
Pilate  And cwucify him well. Bigus.
Cntrian Ah... I, I really wouldn't, sir.
Pilate  Out of the way, centurian.
Bigus   Let me come with you, Ponthiuth. I may be of thum athithtanth if 
        there ith a thudden crithith.
--------[A look of dispair comes over the centurian's face. He rushes to
         their aid.]

                    
--------[Meanwhile, back at the HQ.]
Reg     Right, now, eh. item four: attainment of world supremacy within the 
        next five years. Eh, Francis, you've been doing some work on this.
Francis Yeah, thank you, Reg. Well, quite frankly, siblings,  I think five 
        years is optimistic, unless we can smash the Roman empire within the 
        next twelve months. 
Reg     Twelve months?
Francis Yeah. Twelve months. And let's face it... as empires go, this is the 
        big one, so we've got to get up of our arses, and stop just talking  
        about it.                                                           
PFJ     Hear Hear!!!
Loretta I agree. It's action that counts, not words, and we need action now.
PFJ     Hear Hear!!!
Reg     You're right. We could sit around here all day talking, passing
        resolution, making clever speaches, it's not going to shift one Roman
        soldier.
Francis So let's just stop gabbing on about it, it's completely pointless, 
        and it's getting us nowhere.
PFJ     Right.
Loretta I agree. This is a complete waste of time.
--------[Judith runs in, paniced.] 
Judith  They've arrested Brian!!
PFJ     What?
Judith  They've dragged him off. They're going to crucify him.
Reg     Right. This calls for immediate discussion.
Judith  What?!?
Rebel1  Immediate.
Rebel2  Right.
Loretta New motion?
Reg     Completely new motion. Eh, That, ah. That there be, ah, immediate 
        action,
Francis ... ah, once the vote has been taken.
Reg     Well, obviously once the vote has been taken, you can't act on a 
        resolution 'till you've voted on it. 
Judith  Reg, for God's sake, let's go now, please!
Reg     Yeah, yeah. Right, right. In the, in the ligh of fresh information 
        from ah, sibling Judith.
Loretta [Who's taking notes.] Ah, not so fast, Reg.
Judith  Reg, For God's sake. It's perfectly simple. All you've got to do is 
        to go out of that door now, and try to stop the Romans nailing him
        up. It's happening, Reg. Something's actually happening, Reg. Can't 
        you understand? Aaawoooooo!!!!!
        [She rushes out in a rage.]
Francis Ooh. Ooh dear.
Reg     Hello... and a litle ego-trip for the feminists.
Loretta What?
Reg     Ah, oh, sorry, loretta. Aah. Aah, read that back, would you?

                                   
--------[In the prisons, a Roman and two jailers stand, with a large queue up
         to them.]
Roman   Next. Crucifixion?
Prisnr1 Yes.
Roman   Good. Out of the door, line on the left. One cross each. Next. 
        Crucifixion?
Prisnr2 Yes.
Roman   Good. Out of the door, line on the left. One cross each. Next.
        Crucifixion?
Trouble Eh? No, freedom.
Roman   What?
Trouble Eh, freedom for me. They said I hadn't done anything, so I could go
        free and live on an island somewhere.
Roman   Oh? Oh, that's jolly good. Well, off you go then.
Trouble Naah. I'm only pulling your leg. It's crucifixion really.
Roman   Oho, I see. Very good very good. Well, out of the door...
Trouble Yeah. I know the way. Out of the door, one cross each, line on the 
        left.
Roman   Line on the left, yes. Thank you.
        Crucifixion?
Prisnr3 Yes.
Roman   Good.



--------[A fanfare welcomes Pilate.]
Crowd   YAY! YAY! <etc.>
Pilate  People of Jewusalem. Wome is your fwiend.
Crwod   wahaha.
Pilate  To pwove ow fwiendship, it is customawy at this time to welease a 
        wongdower fwom ow pwisons. 
Crowd   Hahahaha.
Sentry  <snigger>
--------[Bigus and the Centurian stare at him.]
Pilate  Whom would you have me welease?
Man     Welease Woger!
Crowd   Yeah! WELEASE WOGER! WELEASE WOGER! Hahahahaha.
Pilate  Vewwy well. I shall welease woger!
Crowd   Yay. Yay.
Cntrian Sir, eh. We don't have a Woger, sir.
Pilate  What?
Cntrian Eh, we don't have anyone of that name, sir.
Pilate  Ah. We have no Woger.
Crowd   Aaaaaah.
Man     Well what about Wodewic then.
Crowd   Yeah. WELEASE WODEWIC! WELEASE WODEWIC!  
Pilate  Centurain. Why do they titter so?
Cntrian Just some, uh, jewish joke, sir.
Pilate  Are they... swagging me?
Cntrian Oh, no, sir!
Sentry  <snigger!>
Pilate  Vewwy well. I shall welease Wodewic!
Crowd   Waaahahahaha.
Cntrian Sir, we don't have a Roderic either.
Pilate  No Woger, no Wodewic.
Cntrian Sorry, sir.
Pilate  Who is the Wog...
        Who is the Wodewic to whom you wefer?
Man1    He's a wobber.
Crowd   Ahhhhahahah.
Man2    ... and a wapist.
Crowd   Ahahahhahah!
Woman   ... and a pickpocket!
Crowd   Aaah no. ssssssh.
Pilate  He sounds a notowious cwiminal.
Cntrian We haven't got him, sir.
Pilate  Do we have anyone in our pwisons at all?
Cntrian Oh yes, sir. We've got a Samson, sir.
Pilate  Samson?
Cntrian Samson the Saggisea strangler, sir. Ah, Silas the Assyrian Assassin. 
        Ah, several sadicious scribes from Ceaserea, ah... sixty seven seers 
        from...
Bigus   Let me thpeak to them, Ponthiuth.
Cntrian Oh, no.
Pilate  Ah. Good idea, Bigus.
Bigus   Thitizenth. We have Thamthon the  Thaggithea thtrangler, Thilas the
        Athyrian Athathin, theveral thadiciouth thcribeth from Theatherea...


--------[Back in the prisons.]
--------{OK. So I've been totally accurate so far... NOT for Jailer2!!!}
Roman   Next. Ah. Crucifixion?
Prisnr4 Yes.
Roman   Good. Out of the door, line on the left. One cross each. Jailer?
Brian   Excuse me. There's been some sort of mistake.
Roman   Just a moment, would you? Jailer. How many have come through?    
Jailer1 What?
Roman   Uh... how many have come through?
Jailer1 What?
Jailer2 Uh, Y-y-y-you'll have to s-s-spea s-s-s-sp s-s-s-sp s-s-speak up a-a
        bit, sir. He's-he's-he's-he's de. He's-he's-he's-dea. He's-he's-he's 
        deaf as a, deaf as a p-p-post, sir.
Roman   Eh... How Many Have Come Through??!!
Jailer1 Hhhih hih hih nyih nyih nyih.
Roman   Oh dear.
Jailer2 I make it ninety ffffff... ninety ffffff... ninety ffffff... ninety 
        six, sir.
Roman   It's such a senseless waste of human life, isn't it?
Jailer2 N-n-n-n-NO, sir. Not for these b-b-BASTARDS, sir. C-crrr-crrrr-crrrr
        crrrrucifixion's too good for them, sir.
Roman   I don't think you could say it's too good for them. It's, it's very 
        nasty.
Jailer2 Well, it's not as n-n-n-na na na. Not as nasty as something I just 
        thought up, sir.
Roman   No. Uh, now, um. Crucifixion.
Brian   Is there someone I can speak to?
Roman   Well...
Jailer1 I know where to get it, if you want it.
Roman   What?
Jailer2 Don't worry about hi-hi-him, sir. He-he's de. He's de. He's deaf and
        Mmmmmmmmmad, sir.
Roman   Well how did he get the job?
Jailer2 Bloody Pilate's pet, sir.
Jailer1 Hihih.
Trouble Get a move on, Bignose. There's people waiting to be crucified out 
        here. Hehehehehehehe.
Brian   Could I see a lawyer or someone?
Roman   Um, do, do you have a lawyer?
Brian   No, but I'm a Roman.
Trouble How about a re-trial? We've got plenty of time.
--------[Another centurian (Cent2) stands outside guarding the prisoners.]
Cent2   Shut up, you.
Trouble Miserable bloody Romans. No sense of humour. Oooh.
Roman   I'm sorry. Bit of a hurry. Can you go straight out, line on the left.
        One cross each. Now...


Crowd   AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Bigus   Wath it thomething I thaid?
Pilate  Silence! This man commands the cwack legions!
Crowd   ___WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA!!!___
Pilate  He wanks as high as any in Wome!!!
Crowd   ___AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA!!!___



--------[Outside the prisons, the Roman addresses the crucifees-to-be.]
Roman   Crucifixion Party. Morning. Now. We will be on show as we go through
        the town, so let's not let the side down. Keep in a good straight 
        line. Three lengths between you and the man in front, and a good 
        steady pace. Crosses over your left shoulders, and if you keep your 
        backs hard up against the crossbeam, you'll be there in no time.
Prisnr1 Ooooooh.
Roman   Heh. All right, centurian.
Cent2   Crucifixion Party! 
--------[Some of them stumble forward.]
        Wait for it... Crucifixion party, by the left. Forward!
--------[The start moving, slowly. We can see the Prisonr who Brian was
         locked up with earlier hanging upside-down... but at least he has a
         view out a grate.]
Prisonr You lucky bastards! You lucky, jammy bastards!
--------[A man seeling candle-crosses pitys the poor bastards. I call him a
         Christian (Cristin) because he is sooooo nice, and suffers *:) ]
Cristin Let me shoulder your burden, brother.
        [He takes the cross.]
PrisnrX Oh, thank you.
Cristin H-hey!
Cent2   [To the christian, who's turning around to watch PrisntX run off.]
        OI! What do you think you're doing?
Cristin Ah, i-it's not my cross.
Cent2   Shut up, and get on with it!
Trouble Aaahahahahahahaha. He had you there, mate, didn't he? That'll teach 
        you a lesson. Ooohoohoo.


Pilate  All right. I will give you one more chance. This time, I want to hear
        no Wubens. No Weginalds. No Wudolf the wed-nosed weindeers.
Bigus   No Thpenther Trathies.
Pilate  ... or we shall welease no-one.
Judith  Release Brian!!
Man1    Oh yeah. That's a good one. WELEASE BWIAN!
Crowd   WELEASE BWIAN! WELEASE BWIAN! AAAAAAHHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHA!!!
Pilate  Vewwy well. That's it.
Cntrian Sir. We uh. We have got a Brian, sir.
Pilate  What?
Cntrian You just sent him for crucifixion, sir.
Pilate  Uh. Ah, wait, wait. We do have a Bwian. 
        Well, go and wepwieve him, stwaight away.
Cntrian Yes sir. Yes sir.
Pilate  Vewwy well. I shall welease Bwian!!!


Cent2   Get a move on there.
Trouble Or what?
Cent2   Or you'll be in trouble!
Trouble Oh dear. You mean I might have to give up being crucified in the 
        afternoons?
Cent2   Shut up!
Trouble That would be a blow. Wouldn't it? I wouldn't have naffing to do!
        [Cent2 whips him.]
        Oh, thank you.


--------[The Centurain has run down to the prison.]
Cntrian Have they gone?
Jailer1 We. We've got lumps of it round the back.
Cntrian What?
Jailer2 Oh, don't worry about him, sir. He's M. He's m...<etc>... he's mad, 
        sir.
Cntrian Have they gone?!?!
Jailer2 Oh, Ye.. nnnn.. N. N. N.
Jailer1 Hehehe.
Jailer2 N. ny. ny...
Cntrian Oh, come on!
Jailer2 NnnYes, sir.
--------[The Centurian leaves.]
        Anyway. Get on with the story.
Jailer1 Well, it's his favourite item, you know, he's...


--------[At the PF HQ.]
Reg     Right. That's the motion to get on with it passed with uh, one 
        abstention. I now propose we go without further ado. May I have a 
        second, therefore? Yeah.
--------[They go.]

                  
--------[Brian can see the crosses that are already up.]


--------[The centurian runs through the streets.]
Trader  Bloody Romans!
Cntrian Watch it! There's still a few crosses left.



--------[The prisoners are now being strung up.]
Cent2   Up you go, Bignose!
Bignose I'll get you for this, you bastard.
Cent2   Oh yeah?
Bignose Oh yeah. Don't worry. I never forget a face.
Cent2   No?
Bignose I warn you, I'm going to punch you so hard, you Roman git!
Cent2   Shut up, you jewish turd.
Bignose Who are you calling Jewish? I'm not jewish... I'm a Samaritan.
Jew     A samaritan? This is supposed to be a jewish section.
Cent2   It doesn't matter... you're all going to die in a day or two.
Jew     It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us,
        doesn't it darling?
JewWife Oh, rather.
Jew     Under the terms of the Roman occupancy, we're entitled to be 
        crucified in a purely jewish area.
Sarsean Sarrisea separate to Saggisea.
WelshMn And swedish separate to welsh!
Victims Yeah... <blabber> <blabber>...
Cent2   All right, all right, all right. We'll soon settle this. Hands up all
        those who don't want to be crucified here.
--------[Since they can't move their arms. *:) .]
--------{Nice one centurian, like it, like it.}
        Right. NEXT!


Cristin Ah, look, it's not my cross.
Cent2   What?
Cristin Um. I's not my cross. I was ah, holding it for someone.
Cent2   Just lie down. I haven't got all day.
Cristin No, of course. Um, look. I hate to make a fuss...
Cent2   Look. We've had a busy day. There's a hundred and fourty of you lot 
        to get up.
Jew     Is HE jewish?
Cent2   Will you be quiet!
Jew     We don't want any more Samaritans around here.
Cent2   BELT UP!
Cristin Look, uh. Will you let me down if he comes back?
Cent2   Yeah, yeah. We'll let you down. Next.
Brian   You don't have to do this. You don't have to take orders.
Cent2   I like orders.  


--------[As Brian gets put up, we see the PFJ (officials) walking through the
         streets.]                    

Trouble See. Not so bad, once you're up. You being rescued then, are you?
Brian   It's a bit late for that now, isn't it?
Trouble Ooh, no, no. We've got a couple of days up here. Plenty of time. Lots
        of people get rescued.
Brian   Aaah?
Trouble Oh, yeah. My brother usually rescues me, if he can keep off the tail
        for more than twenty minutes. Huh. Randy little bugger... up and down
        like the Assyrian empire. Huhuhuhu.
--------[The PFJ arrive.] 
        Hello. Your family arrived then?
Brian   Reg.
Reg     Hello, sibling Brian.
Brian   Thank God you've come, Reg.
Reg     Aaah, yes well I think I should point out first, Brian that in all 
        fairness we are not in fact the rescue commitee, however I have been 
        asked to read the following prepared satement on behalf of the 
        movement. We, the People's Front of Judea (brackets, officials, end 
        brackets) do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly 
        greetings to you, Brian; on this, the occasion of your martyrdom.
Brian   WHAT?!?!?!?!
Reg     Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to 
        liberate the parentland from the hands of the Roman imperialist 
        aggressors excluding those concerned with drainage, medecine, roads, 
        housing, education, viniculture, and any other Romans contributing to
        the welfare of jews of both sexes, and hermaphrodites. Signed on 
        behalf of the PFJ etc.
        And I would just like to add on a personal note my own admiration for
        what you are doing for us Brian. And what must be, after all, for 
        you, a very difficult time.
Brian   Reg! What are you going to do?
Reg     Goodbye Brian, and thanks.
--------[They start walking away.]
Francis Well done, Brian. Keep it up, lad.
Loretta Terrific work, Brian.
--------[Once they've got a short way off, they stop, and take a vote.]
Rebel   Yeah, all right.
REG     Yeah. And...             
PFJ     For he's a jolly good fellow,
        For he's a jolly good fellow,
        For he's a jolly good fellow,
        And so say all of us.
Loretta ... and so say all of...
--------[Reg nudges him to shut up, and they all start clapping.]
Brian   You bastards! You bastards!
Cntrian Where is Brian of Nazareth?
--------[In his shouting, Brian can't hear him.] 
Brian   You sanctimonious bastards.
Cntrian I have on order for his release.
Brian   You stupid bastards!
Trouble Uh. I'm Brian of Nazareth.
Brian   WHAT?!?
Trouble Yeah. I-I'm Brian of Nazareth.
Cntrian Take him down.
Brian   I'M Brian of Nazareth.
Victim1 I'm Brian.
Bignose I'm Brian.
Victim2 I'm Brian.
Brian   I'm Brian.
Various I'm Brian.
Jew     I'm Brian and so's my wife.
Victims ...I'm Brian... <etc.>
Cntrian All right. Take him away, and release him.
--------[He gets taken down, and carried off.]
Trouble Naah. I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No. I'm not Brian. No, 
        leave... let go! I'm only pulling your leg. It's A Joke! I'm not him,
        I'm just having you on. Put me back!!! No, let go!...
--------[A groups of oriental-looking warriors come over a hill.]
Worker1 Uuuuh. The Judean People's Front!!!
Worker2 The Judean People's Front!!!
JPFHead Forward all!!!
Worker3 No! The Judean People's Front!!! Help!
--------[The JPF stop in front of Brian's cross.]
JPFHead We are the Judean People's Front. Crack suicide squad. Suicide Squad!
        Attack!!!
--------[They all cerimonially whip out their weapons, open a hatch in their
         armour, and proceed to kill themselves.]
JPFHead Ggggg. That showed 'em, huh?
Brian   You silly sods.
--------[Enter Judith.]
Judith  Brian! Brian! Brian! Brian!
Brian   Judith!
Judith  Terrific, great! Reg has explained it all to me. I think it's great 
        what you're doing. Thank you, Brian. I'll. I'll never forget you.
--------[By this stage, Brian has given up. Then, as Judith runs off, our
         screens are filled with a horrible face... Mrs. Cohen!!!]
MC      So there you are. I might have known it would end up like this. To
        think of all the love, and affection I've wasted on you. Well, if 
        that's how you treat your poor old mother in the autumn years of her
        life, all I can say is go ahead. Be crucified. See if I care. I might
        have known...
Brian   {I really feel sorry for him. Don't you?} Mum! Mum!
MC      <mumble> <mumble> ...I don't know what the world's coming to...

Singer  Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say.
        Some things in life are bad,
        They can really make you mad.
        Other things just make you swear and curse.
        When you're chewing on life's grissle,
        Don't grumble, give a whistle.
        And this'll help things turn out for the best, 
        And...

        Always look on the bright side of life <whistling>
        Always look on the light side of life <whistling>
                            
        If life seems jolly rotten,
        There's something you've forgotten,
        And that's to laugh, and smile, and dance, and sing.
        When you're feeling in the dumps, 
        Don't be silly chumps,
        Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing.
        And...
        
        Always look on the bright side of life <whistling>
                (Come on!)
        Always look on the right side of life <whistling>

        For life is quite absurd,
        And death's the final word.
        You must always face the curtain wih a bow.
        Forget about your sin,
        Give the audience a grin.
        Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow,
        So...

        Always look on the bright side of death <whistling>
        Just before you draw your termnal breath. <whistling>

        Life's a piece of shit,
        When you look at it.
        Life's a laugh, and death's a joke, it's true.
        You'll see it's all a show,
        Keep 'em laughing as you go,
        Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
        And...

        Always look on the bright side of life <whistling>
        Always look on the right side of life <whistling>
                (Come on, Brian... cheer up.)
        Always look on the bright side of life <whistling>
        Always look on the bright side of life <whistling>
                (Worse things ahppen at sea, you know.)
        Always look on the bright side of life <whistling>
                (I mean, what have you got to lose? You know. You come from 
                 nothing, you're going back to nothing, what have you lost? 
                 Nothing!)
        Always look on the bright side of life <whistling>
                (Nothing will come from nothing, you know what they say.
                 Cheer up, you old bugger. Come on, give us a grin.)
        Always look on the bright side of life <whistling>
                (There you are. See. It's the end of the film.
                 Incidently this record's available in the foyer.)
        Always look on the bright side of life <whistling>
                (Some of us have got to live as well you know.
                 Who do you think pays for all this rubbish?)
        Always look on the bright side of life <whistling>
                (They'll never make their money back, you know.)
                (I told him, I said to him, Bernie, I said, they'll never 
                 make their money back.)
        Always look on the bright side of life!
Newsgroups: alt.fan.monty-python