From: robertg@kochab.cs.umbc.edu (Robert Gottlieb)
Subject: Re: what's been happening (subtitle: is this unusual?)
Organization: University of Maryland, Baltimore Campus
Date: Sun, 26 Jul 1992 21:25:19 GMT

In article <3546@cs.rit.edu> kdc5072@cs.rit.edu (Kevin D Colagio) writes:
>This may be long (no idea yet...<grin>) and it is kinda goning to be
>looking for opinions, advice, who knows what...just as a warning.
>
>I seem to have run into a "problem" at this point in life.  I think I will
>start from the begining to make things clearer...
>
[stuff about chris deleted]
>
>Well, he has changed, and all for the better.  I love him as much now, as I
>did before, and he loves me too... He has a boyfriend, but that is OK
>because we get along well also.
>
>The problems are manyfold (I want him, can't have him, etc...) but the
>biggest thing that is messing me up now is wondering about myself.  I have
>been comfortable with the idea of being a bi-sexual since the age of 16,
>but since the 4th, things have been thrown into the twilight zone...
>
>I am not sure of what I want...although I do have an idea of what I would
>like....
>
>    Kids...I definately want to have kids (my own, or maybe adopted)
>	a partner...I do NOT want a wife, or a husband, but rather a partner to
>          go through life with
>    a relationship...not something that will desolve overnight, but that
>          will last for years
>    to be happy...a good job, someone to spend time with, people to pass
>          what I have learned onto...

	Hmm, well since I'm hetero. I can't say I know the exact feelings
	you are going through, but I see something very similar to 
	any relationship, be it het, bi, gay or lez, and that is you 
	want the very thing most	everyone wants.  But you may have 
	a hard time gaining it all at once, and that could get ya down.  
	I would think you could just go at it, one goal at a time.  
	So the first thing to do is to look for a partner (try both 
	genders and see which you like best, i.e. could spend the rest 
	of your life with).  Then I think the rest goes from there.  
	Now a good job is something separate of your other goals 
	and could be sought at the same time.  Think about what ya 
	like to do, and go for it.  

>
>Part of the problem is the old hormones...they are saying "go haave sex,
>doesn't matter with who, but do it..." but at the same time, my rational
>part of the gray matter is saying "wait for a while, for a VERY good
>possibility to come along"

	Ah, yes again, I think everyone knows that feeling, and yes both
	men and women go through it, it's not just us "horny guys".  :)
	Well I think another rationale for waiting is being careful,
	i.e. knowing your partner and his or her sexual past, etc. 
	From my perspective I'm terrified of Aids, as are most people
	I'm sure, and one of the many things I discuss with a woman
	is her sexual past and I also open up to her about mine. 
	So I think waiting is a good idea.  And in the meantime there
	is always masturbation.  Unfortunately there's been such a social
	stigma on it in the past that people aren't happy with their
	own bodies anymore.  But hopefully that is changing now.

>
>So what happens?  I meet someone, and I start appraising them as a sexual
>partner (even if I know they are straight...) I try and control that, and I
>start to act clinically...(read clinically: cold, proper terms for things,
>etc...)

	Hmm, I wouldn't suggest acting other than how you want to.
	Just be yourself, if you find you like men more than women,
	then fine, go for men.  If it's the other way around, then that's
	fine too.  If it's about equal either way, then I'd just say
	find the human being that most satisfies your needs and desires.

>
>And to think, life use to be SO much easier....
>
>comments, concerns, critisizisms, hints, suggestions??????
>
>Thanks for listening if nothing else.....
>
>*hug*
>
>p.s. I am now 22....
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>|                                                                |
>|   Kevin Colagio         I happen to like    My other computer  |
>|        aka              me the way I am!   is a Commodore 64C. |
>| kdc5072@cs.rit.edu            huh?            yeah,  right!    |
>|                                                                |
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	No problem, Hope I could help.

	**Hugs**


	Robert Gottlieb
	gottlieb@umbc4.umbc.edu or robertg@cs.umbc.edu
	"Not gonna do it.. wouldn't be prudent..."
	Not umbc's opinion.  

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