From: sheehan@pagosa.scd.ucar.edu (Tim Sheehan)
Subject: Re: Critisizing the victim?
Organization: NCAR/UCAR
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 23:26:35 GMT

In article <1992Jul29.080647.20538@leland.Stanford.EDU>, farthing@leland.Stanford.EDU (ljf) writes:
 > Secondly, I think women get many mixed messages about rape.  First,
 > they're told to be careful.  No "sexy" clothes (although nearly all
 > rape victims were not dressed provocatively), no walking alone at
 > night, no going to frat parties alone, etc.  However, women are also
 > ridiculed because they worry about rape.  For example, a female friend
 > of mine invited a male friend into her apartment for some coffee.  She
 > also said that it was just for coffee, that she wasn't sexually
 > interested in him (she put it nicer than I have).  But the man was
 > pissed that she would even think that he'd try to take advantage of
 > her.  I've heard men complain about female friends who won't walk on
 > campus at night by themselves and about having to walk female friends
 > to cars in lonely parking lots or garages.  Here at Stanford, a group
 > of female students were asking for more lights around some of the
 > buildings and a male astronomy student complained that the extra
 > lights would screw up his telescope.
 > 
 > Women are told to be careful, yet they also get messages that they're
 > being silly or even hateful by the ways in which they try to protect
 > themselves.

You've hit the nail on the head with this one. It seems to me that there
has been no authoratative voice in our society speaking about rape. I
know in my upbringing, there was never any discussion about rape, other
than the expression of revulsion towards the violent unknown attacker
type of rapist. I was in college before I ever heard the term 'date rape.'
The attitude "she didn't scream loud enough" was held by many.

One in four women is raped, one in six men. It's devestating to the
victim. It costs countless dollars in therapy and lost productivity. It
ruins lives and families. Yet, how often does it get the coverage AIDS
does. I would say that as a national problem, it is as important.

IMO schools should teach about rape, as part of or in addition to sex
education. Both men and women (and boys and girls) need to learn what
rape is, how best to avoid being raped, how best to avoid raping, what
to do if one is raped, and what to do if a friend/lover is raped.

In the examples of ridicule you mention, those who complained or were
offended obviously do not understand the gravity of the situation.

Personally, if I'm on a date with someone I will make sure she gets to
her car or home safely. This is not chivalry or sexism, it's the fact
that she is a more likely target than myself. I've had dates where I
walked my date back to her car and she dropped me off at mine. Insuring
that we both took advantage of safety in numbers.

I've also had dates tell me that sex was not an option. I appreciated
their candor and respected their bounds (and kept my disappointment to
myself:( ).

When society starts dealing with this problem through education at
school, in the media, and at home, then we will see things change.

Out of curiosity, how much was raped discussed when anyone else was
growing up? How much do you discuss it with your kids? How much is
it discussed in your kids' schools?

 > 
 > And lastly, it's hard to know what is adequate protection for anyone.
 > As I have mentioned before, a man I knew was attacked, kidnapped,
 > beaten, and raped when he was out walking his dog late one night.  He
 > wasn't a small man, he was in good physical shape.  The neighborhood
 > wasn't a bad one.  The dog was a big German shepherd, for heaven's
 > sake.  And yet he was beaten and raped.

Precautions can reduce chances, but can never reduce them to 0.

 > 
 > I can't help but wonder how the people who do seem to blame the victim
 > on some level would feel if they were raped and then had others
 > telling them what they should have done to avoid/prevent it.

Some would change their tune towards others, and some would 
rationalize that they were raped even though they were the 
_only_ one who ever took proper precautions.


-- 
-Tim-

sheehan@ncar.ucar.edu