From: krw@cbnewsk.cb.att.com (keith.r.smith)
Subject: Re: Styling, profiling and pretending
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: usa
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1992 15:06:54 GMT

In article <1e9g5fINNnal@morrow.stanford.edu> HF.GTD@forsythe.stanford.edu (Gabrielle Daniels) writes:
>Keith, (and to a lesser extent, Greg) says:
>
>a) he enjoyed her company
>b) they were good together in bed
>c) he thought that she was happy with the relationship as it
>stood (I mean, she _did_ say so, didn't she?)
>.
>.
>Well, here is where my statement about female machista comes in.  I
>mean, she may say she likes the situation as is, and she may for a
>time just hold on for that sake, but if she really, really wants
>something like the C word, there ya go.  Problems in the great by
>and by.

I contend that any problems that would have resulted from this situation
in the "great by and by" would have been the direct result of the "female
machista" that you refer to above.  I mean, really, who was the one being
dishonest here?  Are you still going to blame the man for the behaviour
of the woman?   I say that when you make the bed, you have to lie in it.
>
>d) he was happy with the situation such as it was and saw no
>reason to be alone/go through "the chase" again unnecessarily
>.
>.
>>Lazy!  Of course, HE'D feel comfy (and any (wo)man would) with
>>the hot stuff right there and AVAILABLE.  I mean, why not find
>>the right woman who would accept the situation with no (unseen)
>>strings like love attached.  Spare me.

Maybe he thought that he _already had_ the right woman who would
accept the situation with no strings attatched (as his SO had
told him out of her own mouth).

This is not so much a case of "lazy", but one of, "if it ain't broke,
don't fix it".  I mean, homey was happy with the situation such as it
was, or he would have "roamed" a long time ago.  If homegirl wanted
out, all that she had to do was:
	a) leave
	b) make homey want to leave
	   (make it seem like it was _his_ idea)
If she chooses to do "none of the above", you cannot blame homey for that.
>
>>(I mean, there is always the possibility that he might get mixed up
>>with a sequence of women that might either piss him off or drive him
>>crazy, before he comes across another that he can feel as
>>comfortable with as the one that he might be leaving now)
>.
>Well, hell.  That's his journey, as the New Agers call it.

Do I sense a double-standard here?  If the woman is reluctant to break
of a relationship that is not necessarily going the wat that she wants
it to, though she says that everything is fine..... and this is
"the man's fault" for "stringing her along".  Now if the man is reluctant
to break off a relationship that is going just fine by him (and by the
spoken sentiments of his SO), then it is "his journey".......
When is it ever _her journey...... or does responsibility for one's
actions apply to men only?
>
>>e) all of the above
>.
>.
>Well, whatever.  These women must be extremely strong or they've
>never experienced the gag reflex.

The bottom line is that this is an adult, and she was apparrently
doing what she wanted to do for her own reasons.  Whether you or I think
that she was doing the right thing or the wrong thing, I don't think that
you can blame the man for the behaviour of the woman, based upon _her own_
ulterior motives.

>As for moi, I've never been that
>lucky hanging on. If they don't feel the same way, tuff titty, as
>Richard Wright used to say.

We agree on something!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Keith