From: anajam@athena.mit.edu (ADIL NAJAM)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.pakistan
Subject: WARNING:   Virus Alert!     :-)
Date: 14 Apr 92 23:35:45 GMT
Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology


          ----->     M A J O R  U. S.  V I R U S E S    <-----

*  George Bush Virus - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it
   until November.

*  Ted Kennedy Virus - Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

*  Jerry Brown Virus - Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

*  David Duke Virus - Makes your screen go completely white.

*  Congress Virus - Overdraws your disk space.

*  Paul Tsongas Virus - Pops up on Dec. 25 and says "I'm Not Santa Claus".

*  Pat Buchanan Virus - Shifts all output to the extreme right of the
   screen.

*  Bill Clinton Virus - This virus mutates from region to region.  We're
   not exactly sure what it does.

  


         ----->   S O M E    D E S I   V I R U S E S   <-----


*  Ziaul Haq virus - Says its a temporary virus (only 90 days), but the
   only way to get rid of it is to destroy the hard disk along with all
   other software.......including your imported "Ambassadorial special" and 
   Rahman Utilities.

*  Ghulam Ishaq Virus - Can gets rid of all other viruses at will, but the 
   system still does not work.

*  Nawaz Sharif virus - We are still not sure "what" this virus does.....but we
   are sure it does something.

*  Benazir Bhutto virus - This virus is self-destructive.

*  Asif Zardari virus - This virus is really a bug. When present in conjunction
   with the Benazir Bhutto virus, it serves as cataylist in the later's
   self-destruction.

*  Mohammad Khan Junejo virus - The most system-friendly virus that ever was...
   ...it got killed by the system.

*  Mirza Aslam Beg virus - Originally marketed as an anti-virus program. Has
   unique ability to stay in the system even after it has gone.

*  G.M. Khar virus - This virus is only interested in (fun and) games software.

*  Aitizaz Ahsan virus - The virus that never was.

*  Nawabzada Nasrullah Khan virus - You cannot get rid of this one; but its
   presence makes no difference what-so-ever.

*  Asghar Khan Virus - Promises to be an important virus....but consistently
   fails to enter the system.

*  Altaf Hussain virus - Can cause major system standstills even when itself
   incapacitated.

*  G.M. Syed virus - This virus is activated only when (and if) you notice it.

*  Abida Hussain virus - This virus promises to do a lot of damage, but never
   really does it.

*  Mahbub-ul-Haq virus - This virus thinks it is a virus....but it is not....
   it's not even a bug.  The only damage it does is through its inaction.

*  Jam Sadiq virus - Attacks and devours diskspace....whole cities of them.....
   the only cells (once) safe from it (were) 70 Clifton and the marble domed
   mosoleum.  Its destruction lingers after its death.

*  Z.A. Bhutto virus - This virus, now extinct, was too big for the system; any
   system; it was too big for its own good.

*  Mujeeb-ur-Rehman virus - Can't get rid of it without permanently losing 
   RAM capacity.

*  Hamood-ur-Rehman virus - Won't let you open your files.....and when you do,
   there won't be anything in them.

*  Bureaucracy virus - This is the super-virus-killer.....no virus ever was, or
   ever will be allowed to enter its diskspace.  In fact, this virus believes
   its the DOS.

*  GHQ virus - This is not a virus at all.......this IS the power supply.....
   not only that, this is what programs all those other viruses.......the 
   only way to control this virus is through the Uncle Sam virus.

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More to follow..........additions, suggestions to the list may be sent to
anajam@athena.mit.edu  (ADIL NAJAM)

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