From: jgp@raid.Rational.COM (Jim Pellmann)
Subject: COMPLETE Episode Log (repost from alt.fan.r&s)
Organization: Rational
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 21:33:50 GMT

This was posted in alt.fan.ren-and-stimpy (could we please settle on
*one* group sometime soon?):

Newsgroups: alt.fan.ren-and-stimpy
From: WBRANDT@cms.cc.wayne.edu (Buffalo Bill)
Subject: Episode Log
Organization: Wayne State University, C&IT
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 19:55:21 GMT

  Here is the official episode log from Film Threat magazine--which should
probably be added to the FAQ. It's been reproduced without their consent.
If you're a serious R&S fan, you should really consider buying a copy of
Film Threat. The other 16 pages of their article are packed with good stuff.
 
 
Pilot
-----
BIG HOUSE BLUES
 
Ren and Stimpy find themselves in the pound, about to be gassed.
The uncut version contains the scene where Ren has a romantic dream
and mistakenly kisses his pal Stimpy. Ren awakens from his dream
horrified and washes his mouth out in the toilet. Another censored
moment moment is Ren's astute observation upon finding out that
another dog has been euthanized: "You don't wake up from the big
sleep!"
 
 
First Season
------------
STIMPY'S BIG DAY
 
In this 30-minute episode, Stimpy wins a trip to Hollywood and
becomes a big-shot, leaving his pal Ren behind. At the end of part
one, a microphone gets shoved into Stimpy's nostril as he's about
to speak on national television for the first time. Originally the
mike was to be shoved into his mouth, but it was deemed too phallic.
 
 
ROBIN HOEK
 
Stimpy thrashes the tale of Robin Hood this time out. Ren, as Robin
Hoek, is placed in increasingly dangerous situations as Stimpy
describes the events taking place in Sherwood forest. The original
ending had Robin Hoek marrying--and blissfully smooching--Maid
Moron (Stimpy).
 
NURSE STIMPY
 
Ren wakes up sick and nearly dies. Stimpy vows to renew his health.
At one point, Stimpy thinks Ren has taken a turn for the worse and
calls Dr. Leech, who lies atop Ren and sucks out the bad blood. The
doctor sloshes away, nearly bursting with plasma. Oh wait, that was
cut. Another could-have-been was a chicken soup gag where Stimpy
befriends Stinky the Chicken--who bathes in Stimpy's soup.
 
SPACE MADNESS
 
Having switched to automatic pilot, our space-bound heroes,
Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy, have nothing to do. Without any
stimulation, Commander Hoek succombs to "Space Madness." As in all
space adventures, Ren and Stimpy die at the end. They realize their
fate before it happens and can do nothing about it. The movie
"Night of the Hunter" inspired some of Ren's crazy rants: "You're
not like the others, Johnnie, you hate the same things I hate...
perfume-smelling things...lacy things, things with curly hair."
This was changed to "You like the same things I like...."
 
THE BOY WHO CRIED RAT
 
Destitute as usual, Ren devises a scheme so that he and his pal can
live comfortably as house pets. He breaks into a house masquerading
as a mouse. Stimpy then offers his mouse-catching services to
Husband and Wife, who believe they need help in ridding their house
of the pest. When Stimpy catches Ren, Husband and Wife make Stimpy
eat his catch. Actually, this setup was an excuse to get Ren inside
Stimpy's mouth. Originally, the entire cartoon was supposed to
take place inside Stimpy's malodorous maw.
 
THE LITTLEST GIANT
 
Another storybook tale, where Stimpy, as the Littlest Giant, runs
away from an abusive home of big giants. He becomes a huge hero to
Ren of the Wee People by saving the farm from drought with his
outpouring of tears. Listen for the screams from the tiny folk
getting squashed as the Littlest Giant walks behind a hill.
 
FIREDOGS
 
Ren and Stimpy get jobs as firedogs and save many lives in their
struggle to put out a raging fire. Stimpy looks mighty relieved
when he finally releases his kitty litter load.
 
MAROONED
 
Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy crash-land on an alien planet. They
get eaten alive twice: first by a giant, brainiac monster, and then
by giant, hideous one-celled creatures that thrive inside the
monster's stomach.
 
UNTAMED WORLD
 
In the homage to Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, Marlon Hoek and
his assistant Stimpy explore the evolutionary wonders of the
Galapagos Islands--where they encounter the bug-eating Albino Cave
Hoek. Hey, your mouth would be disgusting, too, if you scarfed
screaming flies.
 
BLACK HOLE
 
After being sucked into a black hole, Ren and Stimpy mutate
hideously on a distant planet. In the end, the put-upon pair simply
implode. See the 1946 Peter Lorre classic "The Beast With Five
Fingers" for the original "Flesh and blood, not wax" line.
 
STIMPY'S INVENTIONS
 
In this episode, Stimpy invents ridiculous appliances for his pal
Ren. Ren's patience is pushed to the limit, and he explodes with
anger. Stimpy cures Ren's temper with his most successful
contraption--the Happy Helmet. One of the nice things Ren does for
Stimpy while wearing the Happy Helmet is give Stimpy a bath.  In a
scene that was not meant to be, Stimpy raises his arm, exposing a
sweaty armpit from which Ren gleefully licks off the filth.
 
Second Season
-------------
MAN'S BEST FRIEND
 
George Liquor buys Ren and Stimpy from a pet stroe and takes them
home, where he teaches them his own brand of discipline.  Ren learns
at a slower rate than Stiimpy, but finally proves himself to be a
true chmapion.  George's bludgeoning with an oar 'Raging Bull'-style
will go down as one of the great moments in animation history.
"It's dicipline that begets love!" barks George.
 
POWDERED TOAST MAN
 
Disguised as Pastor Toast Man, the cool youth deacon, Powdered
Toast Man sits in his government office awaiting calls from those
in distress.  He resues hapless citizens--but usually to their
detriment. Having saved the Preseident from being stuck in his own
zipper, Powdered Toast Man assumes control of the highest office in
the land while the President recovers.  As President, Powdered
Toast Man frees the citizens of their basic human rights.  Listen
for the voice of Frank Zappa as the Pope.
 
REN'S TOOTHACHE
 
Ren ridicules Stimpy for brushing his teeth.  Ren believes brushing
is a waste of time, until a massive toothache cripples him with
pain. Stimpy explains why toothaches hurt so much:  "Your nerve
endings are the tastiest part of your body and your tooth beaver
knows this." In a cross section of Ren's tooth we see the happy
tooth beaver gnashing away at Ren's nerve endings.  Ren eventually
loses all his teeth and can eat only mush.  Note:  After you see
Ren's stinky gum holes you will never forget to brush you teeth
again.
 
IN THE ARMY
 
Ren and Stimpy endure basic training in the army.  An overbearing
sergeant bellows indecipherable orders that only Stimpy seems to
understand. Stimpy is a born soldier and always does what he's
told, but Ren tries to skate through the training without exerting
any effort. Ren constantly gets caught slacking off and is punished.
By the end, Ren can take no more and goes insane. There's great
chanting from Aborigine women when Ren finally cracks.
 
SVEN HOEK
 
Ren believes that he'll finally get to conduct an intellectual
conversation with his visiting cousin, Sven. He soon finds out that
he was mistaken. Look for Sven adn Stimpy's favorite new board
game, "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence," at a toy store near you.
 
DOG SHOW
 
George Liqor enters Ren and Stimpy in the all-breed dog show.
Prejudging is fierce, and many contestants don't meet the high
standards of Mr. Horse.  Prospects for Ren and Stimpy seem good, but
George is a mean stage mother.
 
RUBBER NIPPLE SALESMAN
 
Ren and Stimpy hawk rubber nipples door-to-door.  Stimpy has a
vision that "someday all of mankind shall have nipples."  The two
nipple salesmen visit Husband and Wife (of "Cried Rat" fame) and a
paranoid Mr. Horse.  They won't be going to George Liquor's house
though; the evisceration gag was gouged out.
 
OUT WEST
 
Three-Fingered Hock and Stupid the Kid are villains in the Old West.
Sheriff Abner and Deputy Ewalt are ignert as hell an' they danged
hung everbody in town.  There's a song about it, too.
 
FAKE DAD
 
A kindhearted Ren agrees to take care of Kowalski, an orphaned
seven-year-old, for the weekend. Kowalski's weekend fulough from
Fake Dad Headquarters turns out to be more than Ren bargained for.
It takes all the power he can muster to keep from disiplining
Kowalski with force. Don't worry - Stimpy makes sure that Ren won't
hurt the poor, defenseless, 700-pound convict kid.
 
KILTED YAKSMEN
 
Ren and Stimpy volunteer for a dangerous mission on behalf of the
Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen. Their expedition is an epic search
for the lost barren wasteland. What is Canada's most precious
natural resource? Will Ren and Stimpyu find it in the name of the
Yaksmen?
 
MAD DOG HOEK
 
Ren and Stimpy, a.k.a. Mad Dod Hoek and Killer Kadoogen, battle the
Lout brothers, the tag team wrassling champs. Mad Dog assures the
cautious Stimpy that the match is rigged and that they're all just
playacting.  Ren soon finds out that the Louts didn't get the
message. When it's Stimpy's turn, he takes to the abuse like a wild
ride.
 
HAUNTED HOUSE
 
Ren and STimpy enter a haunted house and unwittingly terrorize a
defense less ghost. What's the change for a bloody head? What
happens to a ghost when he commits suicide? This episode answers
those intriguing questions and many others. Oh, yeah - the yak is
back too.
 
VISIT TO ANTHONY
 
Ren and Stimpy accept an invitation to visit a boy named Anthony
(the invitation is a real fan letter - the first one Spumco
received.) Victor the bully pummels Ren and Stimpy right before
Anthony's eyes.
 
STIMPY'S FIRST FART
 
A little sound and a funhy smell spews from Stimpy's butt and it
utterly baffles him in this 30-minute ode to flatulence. He asks
Ren what happened, but Ren just thinks Stimpy's lost his mind.
Stimpy becomes obsessed with finding the little fart. His quest
makes for engrossing drama.
 
THE CAT THAT LAID THE GOLDEN HAIRBALL
 
The price of hairballs goes sky-high, so Ren puts Stimpy on the mass
production line. When he licks off all of is furn, he must reort to
licking Bubba. (Don't ask.)
 
THE BIG BABY SCAM
 
Ren observes babies getting pampered, fed and changed - and he
envies their royal treatment.  When the parents leave the room, Ren
and Stimpy cut a deal with the babies and swap places.  The parents
can'tell the difference, not even during a family bath.
 
TO SALVE OR SALVE NOT
 
Stimpy is a sucker; he'll buy anything.  When a pesky salve salesman
pushes the salve with a thousand uses, he can't resist buying some.
Ren must be Stimpy's voice of reason, but it isn't an easy task.
 
A YARD TOO FAR
 
Ren and Stimpy love to eat hog jowls, and lucky for them, they
discover a steaming hot plate of jowls cooling on a window sill
nearby. Unfortunately, the yard between them is guarded, but they
try their darndest to pass through to the goods.
 
STIMPY'S FAN CLUB
 
Stimpy gets all the fan mail and Ren is jealous.  Stimpy tries to
make him feel important by making him president of his fan club.
This drives Ren over the edge and he responds to Stimpy's fans with
a poison pen.
 
LAIR OF THE LUMMOX:  UNTAMED WORLD 2
 
In this 30-minute edition of the nature series "Untamed World",
Marlon Hoek and his assistant Stimpy track down and observe the wild
lummox. From grooming habits to mating rituals, all aspects of the
lummox are scientifically relayed. The fact that a lummox can
launch a pen from the folds in his stomach into the air is a true
wonder of nature.
 
MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DON'T
 
In a never-ending search for an easy and prestigious life, Ren and
Stimpy masquerade as monkeys in order to get free food and climb
the evolutionary ladder.  If you've ever been forced to pick and eat
the vermin off a monkey's back, then you will sympathize strongly
with Ren and Stimpy in this episode.
 
THE GREAT OUTDOORS
 
Stimpy takes Ren on a camping trip. The experience is a nightmare
for Ren, who doesn't even know how to make a camp fire.  Stimpy must
instruct his pal on how to rub two squirrels together to ignite a
log.
 
Look for these in the third season
----------------------------------
THE BIG SWITCH
 
Stimpy finally get fed up with Ren's abuse, and an argument ensues
over what is more difficult: being stupid or being cruel. The two
agree to switch roles for the entire next day. "A Ren & Stimpy"
first:  Stimpy has Ren-like psychotic fits.
 
THE CELLUETTES
 
Stimpy joins an all-girl musical group call the Cellulettes.  They
rise to stardom by singing, shimmying and winking their thigh meat.
 
NO PANTS TODAY or STIMPY: THAT NASTY LITTLE NAKED BOY
 
Stimpy wakes up with an irrational fear that he is naked and needs
pants.  Rne kicks Stimpy out of the house to face the world--
bereft of clothing.
 
 
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 /\ "Buffalo" Bill Brandt    LAN&DC       \  "Whatever you can do,         \
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|  |   Internet: WBRANDT@CMS.CC.WAYNE.EDU  |    Boldness has genius,        |
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--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I lived in my head mostly."                | Jim Pellmann (jgp@rational.com)
"That's not a bad neighborhood."            | RATIONAL
"There were some pretty strange neighbors." | Santa Clara, California
Newsgroups: alt.tv.ren-n-stimpy