From: rupa@f-454.fidonet.org (Rupa Schomaker)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: fidonet.oracle
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 21:30:00 -0600

I've been copying the oracle digests to a fidonet echo.  They have generated
quite a bit of interest, and even a "fidonet.oracle" of sorts.

Anyway, here is one of the replies.

** Forwarded using Golded v.2.40.P0720+
|===============================================================
| Area : FUNNY (FUNNY Stories and Jokes)
| From : Fidonet Oracle, 1:312/12 (24 Aug 92 18:12)
| Subj : fidonet.oracle
|===============================================================
The Fidonet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

 > Hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare
 > Hare rama hare rama rama rama hare hare:
 >
 > What time is it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

/ A lovely grovel... truly... but a bit misdirected.  I'll make sure to
/ forward this to krishna@bombay.univ.relig after I've finished with your
/ question; I'm sure he'll be most delighted.
/
/ Your question was a bit unfocused; therefore, I shall now consider a few
/ possible more specific questions and their appropriate responses.
/
/ Q) What time is it where You are?
/ A) Alas, Supplicant, I live in a dimension quite outside time and space.
/ "Time" among the oracles has no meaning; it is a human invention used to
/ measure change, and the gods are unchanging.  This is particularly
/ convenient when One has run out of ambrosia and has to hop down to the
/ corner market, as it never closes.
/
/ Q) What time is it where I am?
/ A) Greenwich Mean Time, 23:18:25.5538.  Of course, this response does not
/ take into account whether you meant the time when you sent the letter, the
/ time when it was received by the Oracle, the time the Oracle fired off a
/ poetic, inspired and witty response, or the time when you received said
/ response and went into paroxysms of sheer delight, not to mention the time
/ when the extra-large pizza with double pepperoni you just ordered will
/ arrive.  (That, by the way, will get to your doorstep shortly before the
/ nether regions freeze over.)
/
/ Q) What time is it in relation to the end of all life as we know it?
/ A) The answer to this question depends largely upon whom you ask.  For
/ instance, a tribe of creatures living on Cystis-Omicron 4 believe that life
/ has already ended and they are all in their version of Hell; where The
/ Beautiful Pagan God would likely reply, in typical lackadaisical fashion,
/ "Oh, about that time."  However, since you have asked Me:  you can be sure
/ the end of your culture is nigh when President Quayle votes to bomb the
/ bejeezus out of Tripoli "just for the hell of it."  Other repercussions will
/ follow swiftly.
/
/ Q) What time is it in relation to the end of my life?
/ A) You have three seconds...
/ two...
/ one...
/ <Z0--
/ oh, wait, that's right.  You grovelled most nicely, so I suppose turning you
/ into a greasy black stain is out of the question.  I must say, Supplicant,
/ unless you have a death wish, this is one time you might wish to leave well
/ enough alone.
/
/ You owe the Oracle a platinum Rolex.



-!- Blue Wave/TG v2.10 [NR]
 ! Origin: Random Lunacy BBS (801-221-0928) (1:312/12.0)
=============================================================================


--
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  Management by objectives works if you know the objectives.
  Ninety nine percent of the time you don't.
          Peter Drucker

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d