From: corleyj@helium.gas.uug.arizona.edu (Jason D Corley )
Newsgroups: alt.tv.mst3k
Subject: Re: Gymkata!
Date: 20 Nov 92 00:06:48 GMT
Organization: University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ

In article <BxzGJA.79z@andy.bgsu.edu> sarnold@andy.bgsu.edu (G. Steve Arnold) writes:
>corleyj@helium.gas.uug.arizona.edu (Jason D Corley ) writes:
>> In article <1992Nov18.060009.19723@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> bscott@nyx.cs.du.edu (Ben Scott) writes:
>>>I just noticed in the trusty TV guide that TBS is showing a movie called
>>>"Gymkata" right now so I turned it on about 10 minutes ago... great movie,
>>>this is.  
>
>> I'm going to get a copy of Joe Bob Briggs' drive-in movie
>> review of Gymkata and post it.  While we're at it, I'll look for
>> other MST3K movies J.B. has reviewed.  They are extremely funny
>> and very much in the MST style.
>
>	!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>	There's *another* JBB fan out there?!?!
>
>	JBB did GYMKATA! Talk about a crossing of the genre's (sp?).
>I used to take my copy of JBB Goes to the Movies w/me to the video store
>to help me narrow my options.
> 
>	I would, however, dispute your notion that his reviews   
>are very much in the MST style. They are not. JBB does an entirely differnt
>set of movies from MST (as well as USA UAN with Rhonda (*sigh*)) and he does 
>not (normally) ridicule them -- he treats them as the art that they are.

When I said "In the MST style" I didn't mean in Joel and the Bot's
Style, I meant In the Style of a Lot of MSTies.

Anyway, here it is:
(The Gymkata review)

Speaking of midgets with voices like Betty Boop, Kurt Thomas
has this new flick called "Gymkata" where he goes over to
Yugoslavia and starts gymnasticking people to death.  What happened
was, Kurt just got back from winning his gold medal in El Lay and
the CIA came over to his house and said "Hey Kurt, we got a mission
for you.  We need you to go over to Hindu Land and fight 900 warriors
so we can stick a nuke missile base right in the middle of this
Ayrab Country.  If you win the fight, the king says we can do it."
	So Kurt stands on a three-foot cardboard box, looks the guy
right in the Adam's apple and says "Yeah, I'll do it."  And then
he starts training for the Big Game by walking on his hands and
riding around on a Clydesdale and throwin cardboard knives and
letting big black guys beat him up.  Next thing you know, there
he is, gettin off the tour boat in Hindu Ville, where this guy says,
"Kurt, the reason these people are spitting in your face is there's
just a _little_ anti-American sentiment here," and then the guy
gets an arrow through the stomach and Kurt has to run through the
alleys of Zagreb until he finds one that happens to have a horizontal
gymnastics bar set up between two buildings.  So he grabs the bar
and starts spinning around and kicking guys in the teeth cause they
were turbans and carry those big curved knives like Yul Brynner.
The reason they had to go to Yugoslavia to make _Gymkata_ is the
whole country has gymnastics equipment hidden in the rocks and
stickin out of buildings, and it gives Kurt a big advantage over
the guys with machine guns trying to kill him.
	Next thing, Kurt's girlfirend gets kidnapped in a terrorist
training camp, and Kurt has to go in there and gymnastick his way
out.  Then the two of them decide to take a whitewater raft trip,
only on the way down the river, eight Ninja warriors come out of
the woods and carry everybody off to the Hindu Castle, where they
put Kurt in a big bed so some transvestite maids can come mop his
brown and get him ready to be killed in the big race.  They way
the race works is, they say "Run like hell," and all the warriors
take off and then the Ninjas chase em on horseback and shoot em
through the back with arrows and spear em in the privates until
nobody's left.  But Kurt's been practicing his steak-knife twirling
so much that he survives the flaming-rope torture, the Grand
Canyon cleaver attack, the gymkata-fu struggle against a crazed
800-pound Norwegian Viking named Thor, and the final Race Through The
Loony Bin, where everybody tries to make it through a prison full
of zombies carrying farm implements.
	Oh yeah, I forgot.  Kurt falls in love with the king's
daughter and she likes him even though he kisses like a fish.
	No breasts.  Body count: 85.  Twelve impalements. One gallon
blood.  One beast.  Kung-fu scenes: 10.  Gymnastics fu.  Machine-
Gun fu.  Loonie fu.  One motor vehicle chase.  One pitchfork through
throat.  Hands roll.  Sickle in stomach.  Pig-licking.  Drive-In
Academy Award Nomination for the nation of Yugoslavia.  Three stars.
	Joe Bob says check it out.

What do you think, sirs?
	Jason
	Southern Arizona Gizmonic Institute
Newsgroups: alt.tv.mst3k