From: yasu@ll.mit.edu (Alan Yasutovich)
Subject: Re: Another Irate Dad Kills
Organization: MIT Lincoln Laboratory
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 92 13:13:29 GMT

In article <1992Sep29.062122.23059@cs.su.oz.au> allanc@cluster.cs.su.oz (Restless Wanderer) writes:
>
>
>I have a very perplexing question to pose to the readers of this group.
>I do not post often,but after all the hype on father/mother bashing threads.
>
>Why in christs'name do you guys WANT to procreate?
>Guys claim they get dumped on.
>Women claim they get dumped on.
>
>Why not just do the right thing and stop this stupid reproduction nonsense.
>Economically ,we'd all be better off.
>Standards of living would rise  and crimes of child abuse/custody would be
>solved .
>
>I'm quite serious,I do NOT understand why anyone would want kids.
>Maschismo ? Womanhood.? Sorry but it sounds like sour grapes.
>All these arguements sound as if you wish to have children so that you can 
>give them what YOU missed.
>
>I don't begrudge your 'need ' to be fathers/mothers,I just cannot fathom why,
>with all this hatred would someone bother.
>
>Yes ,I do believe in Zero Population Growth.UP until the species is in  direct
>danger of extintion.The lives wasted in every country because of children,is
>astronomical.And I'm talking just the so called civilized countries.
>
>I'm serious with my question,and would appreciate some honest answers.
>(Sure I've had my chance at being daddy,I just realised that it was societies
>expectations..NOT MINE.
>

	Good question.  Let's see, here's *my* history.

	-One son	Complete accident.
	-One daughter	Planned
	-One on the way	*REALLY* planned.

	Why?

	Well, the first was an accident.  I/we were young, naive, and
	stupid.  

	Next, I have to admit that 3 abortions happened between wife
	one and wife two.

	Lastly, my present wife & I actually planned to have kids.
	This is the scenario to which you speak.  People do actually
	have kids for many of the reasons you describe.  And yes,
	all the motherhood crap *is* sour grapes.  But it works for those
	who live it.  And I think there *is* a valid side to it.  I mean
	if you want to change jobs, you can do it when you're 20 years
	old, or 80.  But having kids is sort of time dependant.  And
	I think that many people who are on the fence wind up saying
	that they'd better have any kids now while they can, rather
	than regret it later.

	Now your answer.  In my case, I had had a kid.  I *NEVER IN MY
	LIFE* have ever had a thought saying, "gee I'd like a son/daughter/
	family".  Of course, fate provided me with all I could handle.
	My wife & I agreed to have "kids".  I am neutral, but she is
	the best mother you can imagine.  So the first part is that it's
	something I do for her.

	Next, we have one daughter.  I considered it important enough
	for her to have a sibling that I have surgery last year to
	correct a fertility problem that developed.  Now #2 is on the
	way.  This was one thing that I, in particular, felt strongly
	about.  Another aspect that I relate is that there are so many
	"only children" around.  The majority of these kids are from
	divorced families and are accidents left over from families
	that never got off the ground.  I think that having at least
	2 kids makes for a more "complete" family.

	Also, I don't believe in "only children".  I think they grow
	up differently, more selfish and self centered, etc.

	Finally and probably most important is the long term considerations.
	The presence of family (which won't exist if you don't have kids)
	is meaningfull.  Having a sibling to relate to when grown up,
	and having kids/family to share life, holidays, hard-times,etc.

	I have kids, not for today or next week, but for when I'm in
	my 60's and 70's.  Both my wife and myself are one of two kids.
	And both of our respective parents lives would be quite empty
	without thier kids.  They are all pushing 70's.  But kids
	are there for them, and we have a sibling to "carry the burden"
	of family responsibilities, etc.  That's the *real* reason.

	And we know several couples who seem to be very selfish, opting
	to not have any kids.  They will have a very lonely old age.
	They aren't investing in their future, and will pay for it
	later.

	Are kids a pain?  Yes.  But what's the tradeoff?  I consider it
	a wash.  By that I mean the present benefits or "fun" in having
	kids is an even trade for the hassle.  You work for a living,
	right?  What a pain.  But not as bad as being homeless, and
	having no food.  So it's at least an even trade that you invest
	40+ hours a week, and have a roof over your head.

	So have kids.  Pay a price, and receive a "paycheck".  Or don't.
	No price, no paycheck.  Quite your job and live on the street
	if you don't consider the hassle of work worth food on your
	table.  It's like that.

	Except both work and kids (hopefully) have retirement benefits,
	too.  My retirement fund at work is in some ways as big a working
	consideration as my paycheck.  Same with my kids.  It's a wash
	now, but later there will be "retirement benefits", too.


-- 
	Alan Yasutovich
	"inquiring  (and nosey) minds WANT TO KNOW!!!"
	I can remember when "safe sex" meant having a padded headboard!!
	Tick Tock.....Tick Tock......Tick Tock .....Tick Tock......
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