From: eager@eagercon.com (Michael J. Eager)
Subject: Densa Annual Molting
Reply-To: eager@eagercon.com
Organization: Eager Consulting
Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1992 03:26:39 GMT

This came in over the ether.  I can't be sure who wrote it.  I pass
it along for your edification.

-- Mike 
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     I have a strange tale to relate.  A good friend of mine is 
a nurse at the county hospital.  An old man was admitted last week 
and put in her care.  He kept talking and she paid no attention as 
she had other patients to tend.  The others eventually went to 
sleep and she started listening to the old man and took some notes.  
Here is the story he told.

                    - - - - - - - - - - - - -

     Once upon a time, there was a Densa chapter called Saint 
Frank's Area Densa.  This was one of the largest Densa chapters, 
and it had a long and glorious history of excellent programming 
and conferences, to say nothing about wild parties.  So we will 
say nothing about wild parties.  

     The Bylaws of this chapter were unusual in Densa, for they 
conferred almost dictatorial powers on the LocPres.  This had 
served the group well over the years, although there had been
a few times when the LocPres wasn't up to the task and things 
quickly went to hell in a handbasket.  In 1969, the Assistant 
LocPres had also been in charge of the Densa Annual Molting, and 
had quit two months before the event was to occur.  Fortunately, 
other Densans stepped in and the Annual Molting took place as 
expected.  The again in the early 80's a LocPres was unable to 
keep up with the paperwork and lost control, but a new LocPres 
took over and restored order.  But our story concerns the 1992 
Annual Molting, and now it's time to tell the tale.

     The LocPres in 1990 and 1991 was a lady named Elaine 
Multiplies, known far and wide as a woman of great deeds and zero 
tact.  She was sometimes called "The Bulldozer", although not to 
her face.  She was active in computers and Densa and loved having 
people work for her, for she knew that she was in the top 2% at 
giving orders.  Now Elaine Multiplies wanted to be on the ADC, the 
governing body of American Densa, but people kept voting for her 
opponents.  She decided that the way to impress the voters was to 
host the Annual Molting and show what a good job she could do.

     In October 1990, Elaine appointed a committee to do the 
planning and write the proposal to the ADC to get the Annual 
Molting.  The chair of the committee was Harry Garris, and the
vice chairs were Mary Rose Stickke and Ben Floor.  Elaine kept 
the position of Program chair for herself.  The committee did its 
work and wrote a very fine proposal.  The Hotel/Travel chair was a 
lady named AnnSue Buckman, and she obtained several freebie tickets 
on United for use by the committee.  Elaine took one to carry the 
proposal to an ADC meeting, although she forgot to tell the 
committee about it.  The ADC met, reviewed several proposals and 
selected Saint Frank's Area Densa as the host group for the 1992 
Annual Molting.

     Harry Garris decided that he wanted no more involvement with 
the committee, so he resigned at the end of 1990.  Elaine did not 
consult the committee at all, but using her dictatorial powers 
appointed David Vacuumcleaner as the new committee chair.  Although 
David Vacuumcleaner had not been on the original committee, he is 
well liked and the committee was glad to have him.  He was also the 
editor of the chapter newsletter, and therefore very busy.  "Don't 
worry", said Elaine, "I'll take care of everything."  And so David 
Vacuumcleaner concentrated on the excellent newsletter and let 
Elaine deal with the Annual Molting.

     Unfortunately, Elaine's main talent is issuing orders and David 
Vacuumcleaner was not a trained manager, so very little actually got 
done.  Months passed with the same action items on the committee 
minutes and no progress.  And then the problems started to develop.

     The 1991 Annual Molting was held in Oklahoma City and it seemed 
reasonable to have several representatives there.  David 
Vacuumcleaner could not attend as he would be out of the country.  
Elaine announced that she would go and would use another of the free 
tickets for her travel.  Ben Floor said he would go too and asked 
for either half the free ticket or the third one.  Elaine objected 
- she had asked for the freebie first and she had promised the last 
freebie to the DERF auction.  This was the first the committee knew 
of such, but they agreed that DERF could have one ticket and that 
Molting attendees would split the other ticket.  Now a third member 
of the committee, Flora Ashforth, said that she too would be going 
to the Molting and was entitled to part of the freebie.  Elaine 
then announced that she would not need a ticket because she would 
soon be elected to the ADC and would get a free ticket as a VP.  
Ben and Flora took the freebie and all made their reservations.

     The electorate, not understanding Elaine's orders, foolishly 
elected her opponent. This was clearly a case of fraud, as Elaine 
frantically pointed out to many members of the ADC.  Unfortunately, 
she had no proof for her allegations and the issue was dropped.  
Elaine demanded one-third of the freebie and everyone agreed to 
that.  At the next committee meeting, Ben took the freebie and gave 
Flora $90 towards her $270 ticket.  Elaine demanded $123 as her 
ticket had cost $370.  Ben asked to see it and Elaine refused to 
produce it.  Ben declined to pay the demanded amount until the 
ticket was produced.  The meeting was delayed and eventually Elaine
produced her ticket.  The printed cost was $268 and Elaine huffed 
and puffed and explained that she had made a mistake.  Ben gave her 
a check for $90 and the meeting proceeded.

     At the Annual Molting in Oklahoma City, it is traditional that 
the next year's host make a presentation inviting the assembled to 
attend the next one.  Elaine prepared a fifteen minute speech 
filled with platitudes.  Those members of the committee who 
attended the Oklahoma City Molt had a quick meeting and Elaine ran 
through her speech.  Ben Floor then said that he too had a speech 
and thought he ought to give it, seeing as he was the vice chair.  
The committee listened to his two minute speech and voted to have 
him make the presentation.  Ben gave that speech at the Saturday 
evening entertainment, as invited to by the Oklahoma City group.  
The following morning, uninvited, Elaine gave a slightly shortened 
version of her speech to the brunch attendees.

     There were many problems at the Oklahoma City Annual Molting, 
mainly due to low attendance, poor planning and difficulties with 
the hotel with regard to the food provided in the hospitality 
suites.  (Elaine spent some time at the hotel office on Monday 
morning, explaining all their numerous shortcomings to them.  As 
the Oklahoma City chapter had not yet negotiated their final bill 
with the hotel, her actions caused them no end of problems.  There 
was no further cooperation between the Oklahoma City chapter and 
the Saint Frank's chapter.)  It was clear to the Saint Frank's 
group that they had a lot of work to do.

     Elaine, Flora and Ben reported to the committee on their trip.  
AnnSue Buckman and the hospitality chair met with the hotel to try 
to revise the agreement so that hospitality would work better.  
They made some significant progress, for although the contract 
was signed, it had many fuzzy areas and escape clauses.

     Elaine decided that she would save the committee from the 
contract. She arranged for a national Densa officer to come to 
Saint Frank's and meet with the hotel.  Elaine, David Vacuumcleaner 
and the national officer spent a whole weekend with the hotel, and 
eventually achieved essentially what AnnSue and the hospitality 
chair had already accomplished.  Although Elaine had seen every 
single member of the committee either at a party or at the Densa 
Ramolisa RG, she told none of them.  The scene was now set for a 
disaster.

     The committee met to hear Elaine brag about her 
accomplishments.  When she was met with hostility and frustration, 
she blamed everything on David Vacuumcleaner.  At this point, the 
committee started to fall apart.  Mary Rose Stickke resigned as 
Vice Chair and left the meeting.  David Vacuumcleaner took 
responsibility for all the problems, although no one believed him.  
The meeting adjourned with the hope that somehow David 
Vacuumcleaner would become a better manager (perhaps with Ben 
Floor's help) and that the Annual Molt would be saved.  Everything 
sat in limbo.

     A few weeks later, there was a meeting attended by Elaine 
Multiplies; David Vacuumcleaner: Maxy Richards (the incoming 
LocPres who would take office on December 1st): Bob Prix, a 
national officer and one or two others.  David Vacuumcleaner 
announced his resignation from the committee.  Elaine was asked 
to resign from the Annual Molting committee, she refused and blamed 
everything on Ben Floor.  Eventually, she agreed to resign on 
condition that Ben Floor also be forced off the committee.  Maxy 
Richards accepted this as the best solution and telephoned Ben to 
fire him.

     The rest of the committee was furious.  David Doctor, the 
Registrar, resigned from the committee.  The Publicity chair 
resigned from the committee.  Flora, the Co-Chair for Program
resigned from the committee.  Several others resigned.  At this 
point, only the Treasurer, the Secretary and AnnSue Buckman were 
left from the original committee that had gotten the bid for the 
Annual Molting ten months earlier.

     Maxy Richards thought long and hard and decided that he would 
serve as both LocPres and the AM chair.  He appointed a new 
committee, using new people.  Most of them had never attended an 
Annual Molting and none had ever served on the Ramolisa RG 
committee.  They were willing to work hard, but they had no 
experience.  One had not even joined Densa yet.

     Elaine stayed behind the scenes, arranging some of the 
programs.  Many people who had already agreed to be on the program 
were never contacted again.  A major event for the AM was a trip 
to a local museum, the Findatorium.  Plans were made - but not 
checked - for a bus caravan and a catered dinner at the 
Findatorium.   Fourteen 49 passenger buses were lined up, but there 
was only room for two buses at a time at the hotel, so transporting 
the 800 ticket purchasers took many hours.  The food may have been 
delicious, but the set-up was faulty.  If you allow 800 people to 
stand at a buffet line for half a minute, it will take 400 minutes 
to serve them.  It did.  These were lessons learned years before at 
Ramolisa, and relearned by the committee.

     Elaine had promised the ADC that the six other Densa chapters 
in the area would be heavily involved in the AM, and that they would 
make lots of money for their efforts.  This did not happen.


     The hospitality suites repeated the problems encountered in 
Oklahoma City, although with better food.  A main purpose of 
hospitality is to serve as a central meeting place.  This just 
doesn't work when hospitality is split among four two-room suites.  
That the beer ran out was simply a logistics error.

     The program was embarrassingly weak, and poorly scheduled.  
There were very few strong events and those often competed for the 
same time slot.  Since the Saint Frank's chapter had hosted the 
very successful 1980 Annual Molting which had a great program, 
everyone assumed there would be another outstanding program.  
Everyone was wrong.

     Many people were unhappy because the Molting wasn't held in 
Saint Frank's but in a suburb only a $30 cab ride away.  Many 
people were unhappy because the meals, especially breakfasts, 
were so skimpy that only a third of the attendees got any food. 
Other people were unhappy for a variety of reasons.  Many people 
were happy.

     One session at the Annual Molting dealt with "Officer Burn 
Out" and how to get more people involved in the running of Densa.  
Elaine walked in during this session and made a short speech.  
She said that none of the problems were her fault and blamed 
everything on David Vacuumcleaner, Ben Floor and Maxy Richards.  
She further stated that the Saint Frank's chapter was terminally 
ill and that there was no hope that it could be saved.  And then 
she left.

     Now Elaine is one of the leaders of the Densa Abacus network 
and corresponds with many members of Densa.  There will be another 
election next year and Elaine keeps telling people she will run 
for Vice President again, even though she can't get the approval 
of the Nominating Committee.  Time will tell.

     The Annual Molting is over and the Densans have gone home.  
What will the future hold?  Will the ADC take over control of the 
Annual Molting?  Can the elected representatives do better than 
the local members?  Will Saint Frank's Area Densa survive, even 
after Elaine has pronounced them dead?  Will Elaine offer to be 
the group's personal Savior?

                   - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

     At this point the old man got very woozy and his voice drifted 
off into a mutter and he went to sleep.  When my friend returned to 
the hospital the next day, the old man was gone.


---
Michael J. Eager		Michael.Eager@eagercon.com
Eager Consulting		(415) 325-8077 
1960 Park Boulevard, Palo Alto, CA 94306-1141