From: mbfarah@isluga.puc.cl (MIGUEL BRAXTON FARAH)
Subject: HOLY GRIAL 01/05
Organization: Pontificia Universidad Catolica de Chile
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 12:29:50 GMT


-------------begin part 1--------8<--------8<--------------------------------
Please Read This Bit Before Reading The Screenplay:

  This is the official 'Unoffical' Monty Python And The Holy Grail screenplay.
This file contains the script as it was on March 20 1974, before filming took
place.  There are many minor differences from what appears here and what
ended up on the screen.  <I.E. A paraphrased word or two or another
character used a line... But generally in minor lines like 'LOOK!'>
This file also contains cut scenes and lines from the film.

  I tried to preserve as much of the screenplay as possible but it isn't
easy to cross out a section and pencil in new dialogue, in ASCII.
Any Scene or dialogue that was crossed out begins with a "|" before it.
Anything Penciled in has a "+", I also put cut information before penciled in.

  What is interesting about a screenplay is to see what they threw out and
what "Catch Phrases" were literally penciled in.  The reason I keyed in
this file was caused by me downloading current transcript going
around internet.  It was an amazing job... I wouldn't want to have attempted
what he did... But it wasn't in a good script format and I didn't like how
direction was written in. Since I HAD the real screenplay I thought...
What the hell!

  After This I plan to key in "Monty Python's Second Film" it is the 1st draft
of the Holy Grail. It is the script that eventually got canabalized into
sketches for the 4th season of Python.  It Is sill quite different and well
worth a read. is anybody interested in it?????

  Oh yes... I will STRESS this fact once more... THIS IS A SCREENPLAY... So
don't yell at me if a line is paraphrased in the film... This is what was
written before filming took place and it is still quite accurate.

Enough of this...

-Grue (09-Aug-92)

P.S. TO AHH:  DON'T YOU KNOW WHO CONNIE BOOTH OR CAROL CLEVELAND IS?!?!?!
AND DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT GRAHAM CHAPMAN SOUNDS LIKE?!?!?! Sorry I just had to
say that... As the complete and total bastard that I am.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                MONTY PYTHON
                             AND THE HOLY GRAIL

       Screenplay by

         JOHN CLEESE
         GRAHAM CHAPMAN
         TERRY GILLIAM
         ERIC IDLE
         TERRY JONES
         MICHAEL PALIN



 

                                                           FINAL  
DRAFT 20.3.74.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      "MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL"        Reel 1 (1A) Page 1
       00.01 is the first action frame
       which is 391.00 before the first
       Clear Cut, which is Scene 4

        Sc                                   Spot
        No.     Complete DIALOGUE            No.    Start   End   Ftge.
        -------------------------            --------------------------
        1       FADE IN:
        Starts
        00.01   TITLES ON BLACK B.G.

                         PYTHON (MONTY) PICTURES LTD
                             in association with
                                MICHAEL WHITE
                                  presents

FADE OUT:
 FADE IN: MUSIC STARTS

                                 MONTY PYTHON
                                     and
                                THE HOLY GRAIL
then:
                      M0nti Pyth0n ik den H0lie Gralen

FADE OUT:
 FADE IN:

                           Written and preformed by:
                             GRAHAM CHAPMAN
                             JOHN CLEESE
                             ERIC IDLE
                             TERRY GILLIAM
                             TERRY JONES
                             MICHAEL PALIN
then:
                           R0tern nik Akten Di
FADE OUT:
 FADE IN:
                                  with
                             CONNIE BOOTH
                             CAROL CLEVELAND
                             NEIL INNES
                             BEE DUFFELL
                             JOHN YOUNG
                             RITA DAVES
then:
                                  Wik
TITLE OUT:
 TITLE IN:
                             Also appearing
                             AVRIL STEWART
                             SALLY KINGHORN
then:
                                Als0 wik
FADE OUT:
 FADE IN:
                           Also also appearing
                 MARK ZYCOON           ELSPETH CAMERON
                 MITSUKO FORSTATER     SALLY JOHNSON
                 SANDY ROSE            ROMILLY SQUIE
                 JONI FLNN             ALISON WALKER
                 LORAINE WARD          ANNA LANSKI
                 SALLY COOMBE          VIVIENNE MACDONALD
                 YVONNE DICK           DAPHNE DARLING
                 FIONA GORDON          GLORIA GRAHAM
                 JUDY LAMS             TRACY SNEDDON
                 SYLVIA TAYLOR         JOYCE POLLNER
                              MARY ALLEN
then:
                            Als0 als0 wik
TITLE OUT:
 TITLE IN:
                Camera Operator       HOWARD ATHERTON
                   Camera Focus       JOHN WELLARD
               Camera Assistant       ROGER PRATT
                    Camera Grip       RAY HALL
         Chargehand Electrician       TERRY HUNT
                       Lighting       TELEFILM LIGHTING SERVICE LTD
                                      ANDREW RICHIE AND SON LTD
                                      TECHNICOLOR
              Rosturm Cameraman       KENT HOUSTON
then:
               Wi n0t trei a h0liday in Sweden thi yer?
TITLE OUT:
 TITLE IN:
                Sound Recordist       GARTH MARSHALL
                    Sound Mixer       HUGH STRAIN
                   Boom Swinger       GODFREY KIRBY
              Sound Maintenance       PHILIP CHUBB
                Sound Assistant       ROBERT DOYLE
                 Dubbing Editor       JOHN FOSTER
              Assistant Editors       JOHN MISTER, NICK GASTER,
                                      ALEXANDER CAMPBELL ASKEW,
                                      BRIAN PEACHEY, DANIELLE KOCHAVI
                  Sound Effects       IAN CRAFFORD
then:
                          See the l0veli lakes
TITLE OUT:
TITLE IN:
                     Continuity       PENNY EYLES
                     Accountant       BRIAN BROCKWELL
           Production Secretary       CHRISTINE WATT
                 Property Buyer       BRIAN WINTERBORN
                Property Master       TOM RAEBURN
                   Property Men       ROY CANNON, CHARLIE TORBETT,
                                      MIKE KENNEDY
                       Catering       RON HELLARD LTD
                       Vehicles       BUDGET RENT-A-CAR
then:
                    The W0nderful teleph0ne system
TITLE OUT:
 TITLE IN:
         Assistant Art Director       PHILIP COWLAM
           Construction Manager       BILL HARMAN
                     Carpenters       NOBBY CLARK, BOB DEVINE
                        Painter       GRAHAM BULLOCK
                     Stagehand        JIM N. SAVERY
                        Rigger        ED SULLIVAN
then:
                  And mani interesting furry animals
 TITLE IN:
TITLE OUT:
                       With special extra thanks to
           Charlie Knode, Brian McNully, John Gledhill, Peter
           Thompson, Sue Cable, Valerie Charlton, Drew Mara,
           Sue Smith, Charlie Coulter, Iain Monaghan, Steve
           Bennell, Bernard Belenger, Alpini McAlpine, Hugh
           Boyle, Dave Taylor, Garry Cooper, Peter Saunders, Less
           Sheppard, Vaughn Millard, Mamish MacInnes, Terry Mosaic,
           Bawn O'Beirne Ranelagh.

           Made entirely on location in Scotland at Doune Castle,
           Castle Stalker, Killin, Glen Coe, Arnhall Castle,
           Braklim falls, Sherroffmiur.

           By Python (Monty) Pictures Ltd., 20, Fitzroy Square,
           London W1 England.
            And completed at Twickenham Film Studios, England.

           Copyright (c) 1974 National Film Trustee Company Lt.
                            All Rights Reserved.
then:
     The producers would like to thank the Forestry Commission
     Doune Admissions Ltd, Keir and Cawdor Estates, Stirling
     University, and the people of Doune for their help in the
     making of this film.

     The Characters and incidents portrayed and the names used
     are fictitious and any similarity to the names, characters,
     or history of any person is entirely accidental and
                            unintentional.

                                  Signed RICHARD M. NIXON

                    Including the majestic m00se
 TITLE IN:
TITLE OUT:
                              Songs
                           NEIL INNIS

                        Additional music
                            DEWOLFE
then:
                 A M00se once bit my sister ...
 TITLE IN:
TITLE OUT:
                        Costume Designer
                          HAZEL PETHING
then:
      No realli!  She was Karving her initals on the m00se
      with the sharpened end of an interspace t00thbrush given
      by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and
      star of many Norwegian m0vies: "The H0t Hands of an Oslo
      Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge M0lars of Horst
                               Nordfink".
TITLE OUT:
 TITLE IN:
                  We apologise for the fault in the
                subtitles. Those responsible have been
                              sacked.
then:
              Mynd you, m00se bites Kan be pretty nasti ...
TITLE OUT:
 TITLE IN:
              We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles.   
Those
              responsible for sacking the people who have just been  
sacked
                          have been sacked.
FADE OUT:
 FADE IN:
            Production Manager        JULLIAN DOYLE
            Assistant Director        GERRY HARRISON
               Special Effects        JOHN HORTON
                  Choreography
              Fight Director &
             Period Consultant        JOHN WALKER
               Make-up Artists        PEARL RASHBASS, PAM LUKE
                   Photography        JULLIAN DOYLE
          Animation Assistance        LUCINDA COWELL, KATE HEPBURN
              M00se Trained by        TUTTE HERMSGERV0RDENBR0TB0RDA
DISSOLVE TO:
              Lighting Cameraman       TERRY BEDFORD
          Special M00se Effects       OLAF PROT
                 M00se Costumes       SIGGI CHURCHILL
DISSOLVE TO:
                       Designer       ROY SMITH
         M00se Choreographed by       HORST PROT III
        Miss Taylor's M00ses by       HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME
        M00se trained to mix
        concrete and sign com-
        plicated insurance
                       forms by       JURGEN WIGG
DISSOLVE TO:
                         Editor       JOHN HACKNEY
         M00ses' noses wiped by       BJORN IRKESTORM-SLATER WALKER

        Large m00se on the left
        half side of the screen
        in the third scene from
       the end,given a thorough
        grounding in Latin,
        French and "O" Level
                  Geography by       BO BENN

       Suggestive poses for the
             M00se suggested by      VIC ROTTER
                 Antler-care by      LIV THATCHER
TITLE OUT:
 TITLE IN:
             The directors of the firm hired to
             continue the credits after the other
             people had been sacked, with it to
             be known that they have just been
             sacked.

             The credits have been completed
             in an entirely different style at
             great expense and at the last
             minute.
FADE OUT:
         TITLE ON YELLOW B.G
                            Executive Producer
               JOHN GOLDSTONE & "RALPH" The Wonder Llama
TITLE OUT:
 TITLE IN:
                                Producer
                             MARK FORSTARTER

                               Assisted by
                              EARL J. LLAMA
                           MIKE Q. LLAMA III
                                SY LLAMA
                            MERLE Z. LLAMA IX
TITLE OUT:
 TITLE IN:
                              Directed by
                          40 SPECIALLY TRAINED
                        ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS
                         6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS
                       142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS
                        14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS
                      (CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)
                          REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON
                          76000 BATTERY LLAMAS
                FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY
                                   and
                        TERRY GILLIAM AND TERRY JONES
FADE OUT:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                       "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1  EXTERIOR - CASTLE WALLS - DAY

   Mist.  Several seconds of it swirling about.  silence
   possibly, atmospheric music.  SUPERIMPOSE "England AD 787".
   after a few more seconds we hear hoofbeats in the distance.
   They come slowly closer.  Then out of the mist comes KING ARTHUR
   followed by a SERVANT who is banging two half coconuts
   together.   ARTHUR raises his hand.

                              ARTHUR
       Whoa there!

   SERVANT makes noises of horses halting, with a flourish.  ARTHUR
   peers through the mist.  CUT TO shot from over his shoulder:
   castle (e.g. Bodium) rising out of the mist.  On the castle
   battlements a SOLDIER is dimly seen.  He peers down.

                               SOLDIER
       Halt!  Who goes there?

                               ARTHUR
       It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle
       of Camelot.  King of all Britons, defeator of the Saxons,
       sovereign of all England!

   Pause.

                               SOLDIER
       Get away!

                               ARTHUR
       I am...  And this my trusty servant, Patsy. We have ridden the
       length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join
       our court at Camelot..  I must speak with your lord and master.

                               SOLDIER
       What?  Ridden on a horse?

                               ARTHUR
       Yes!

                               SOLDIER
       You're using coconuts!

                               ARTHUR
       ...What?

                               SOLDIER
       You've got two empty halves of coconuts and you're banging
       them together.

                               ARTHUR
           (Scornfully)
       So?  We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this
       land, through the kingdom of Mercea.

                               SOLDIER
       Where did you get the coconuts?

                               ARTHUR
       Through ... We found them.

                               SOLDIER
       Found them?  In Mercea.  The coconut's tropical!

                               ARTHUR
       What do you mean?

                               SOLDIER
       Well, this is a temperate zone.

                               ARTHUR
       The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin
       or the plover seek warmer hot lands in winter, yet these are
       not strangers to our land.

                               SOLDIER
       Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

                               ARTHUR
       Not at all.  They could be carried.

                               SOLDIER
       What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

|                               ARTHUR
|       Why not?
|
|                               SOLDIER
|       I'll tell you why not ... because a swallow is about eight
|       inches long and weighs five ounces, and you'd be lucky
|       to find a coconut under a pound.
|

                               ARTHUR
       It could grip it by the husk ...

                               SOLDIER
       It's not a question of where he grips it,  It's a simple
       matter of weight - ratios ...  A five-ounce bird could not
       hold a a one pound coconut.

                               ARTHUR
       Well, it doesn't matter.   Go and tell your master that
       Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.

   A Slight pause.  Swirling mist.  Silence.

                               SOLDIER
       Look! To maintain Velocity, a swallow needs to beat
       its wings four hundred and ninety three times every
       second.   right?

                               ARTHUR
           (irritated)
       Please!

                               SOLDIER
       Am I right?

                               ARTHUR
       I'm not interested.

                               SECOND SOLDIER
           (who has loomed up on the battlements)
       It could be carried by an African swallow!

                               FIRST SOLDIER
       Oh  yes! An African swallow maybe ... but not a European
       swallow. that's my point.

                               SECOND SOLDIER
       Oh yes, I agree there ...

                               ARTHUR
           (losing patience)
       Will you ask your master if he wants to join the Knights
       of Camelot?!

                               FIRST SOLDIER
       But then of course African swallows are non-migratory.

                               SECOND SOLDIER
       Oh yes.

   ARTHUR raises his eyes heavenwards and nods to PATSY.  They turn
   and go off into the mist.

                               FIRST SOLDIER
       So they wouldn't be able to bring a coconut back anyway.

                               SECOND SOLDIER

       Wait a minute! Suppose two swallows carried it together?

                               FIRST SOLDIER
       No, they'd have to have it on a line.

   Stillness.  Silence again.


2  ANIMATION/LIVE ACTION SEQUENCE - DEATH AND DEVASTATION

   CUT TO Terry Gilliam's sequence of Brueghel prints.  Sounds of
   strange medieval music.  Discordant and sparse.  Wailings and
   groanings.  The last picture mixes through into live action.
   BIG CLOSE UP of contorted face upside down.  A leg falls across
   it.  Creaking noise.  The bodies lurch away from CAMERA to
   reveal they are amongst a huge pile of bodies on a swaying cart
   that is lumbering away from CAMERA.  It is pulled by a couple of
   ragged, dirty emaciated WRETCHES.  Behind the cart walks another
   MAN who looks slightly more prosperous, but only on the scale
   of complete and utter impoverishment.  He wears a black hood and
   looks sinister.

                               CART DRIVER
       Bring out your dead!

   We follow the cart through a wretched, impoverished plague-ridden
   village.  A few starved mongrels run about in the mud scavenging.
   In the open doorway of one house perhaps we jug glimpse a pair of
   legs dangling from the ceiling.  In another doorway an OLD WOMAN
   is beating a cat against a wall rather like one does with a mat.
   The cart passes round a dead donkey or cow in the mud.  And a MAN
   tied to a cart is being hammered to death by four NUNS with
   huge mallets.

                               CART DRIVER

       Bring out your dead!

   There are legs stick out of windows and doors.  Two MEN are fighting
   in the mud - covered from head to foot in it.  Another MAN is on his
   hands in knees shovelling mud into his mouth.  We just catch
   sight of a MAN falling into a well.

                               CART DRIVER
       Bring out your dead!

                               LARGE MAN
       Here's one!

                               CART DRIVER
       Ninepence.

                               BODY
       I'm not dead!

                               CART DRIVER
       What?

                               LARGE MAN
       Nothing... There's your ninepence.

                               BODY
       I'm not dead!

                               CART DRIVER
       'Ere.  He says he's not dead.

                               LARGE MAN
       Yes he is.

                               BODY
       I'm not!

                               CART DRIVER
       He isn't.

                               LARGE MAN
       He will be soon. He's very ill.

                               BODY
       I'm getting better!

                               LARGE MAN
       You're not.   You'll be stone dead in a few minutes.

                               CART DRIVER
       I can't take him like this.  It's against regulations.

                               BODY
       I don't want to go on the cart.

                               LARGE MAN
       Don't be such a baby.

                               CART DRIVER
       I can't take him.

                               BODY
       I feel fine.

                               LARGE MAN
       Do me a favour.

                               CART DRIVER
       I can't.

                               LARGE MAN
       Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes.  He won't
       be long.

                               CART DRIVER
       I promised I'd be at the Robinson's.  They've lost nine
       today.

                               LARGE MAN
       When's your next round?

                               CART DRIVER
       Thursday.

                               BODY
       I think I'll go for a walk.

                               LARGE MAN
       You're not fooling anyone you know.
           (to CART DRIVER)
       Isn't there anything you could do?

                               BODY
           (singing unrecognisably)
       I feel happy... I feel happy.

   The CART DRIVER looks at the LARGE MAN for a moment.  Then they both
   do a quick furtive look up and down the street.  The CART DRIVER
   very swiftly brings up a club and hits the OLD MAN. (Out of shot
   but the singing stops after a loud bonk noise.)

                               LARGE MAN
           (handing over the money at last)
       Thanks very much.

                               CART DRIVER
       That's all right.  See you on Thursday.

   They turn ... Suddenly all the village fall to their knees, touching
   forelocks etc.  ARTHUR and PATSY ride into SHOT, slightly nose to
   the air, they ride through without acknowledging anybody.  After
   they pass, the LARGE MAN turns to the CART DRIVER.

                               LARGE MAN
       Who's that then?

                               CART DRIVER
           (Grudgingly)
       I dunno, Must be a king.

                               LARGE MAN
       Why?

                               CART DRIVER
       He hasn't got shit all over him.


3  EXTERIOR - DAY

   ARTHUR and PATSY riding.  They stop and look.  We see a castle in the
   distance, and before it a PEASANT is working away on his knees trying
   to dig up the earth with his bare hands and a twig.  ARTHUR and
   PATSY ride up, and stop before the PEASANT

                               ARTHUR
       Old woman!

                               DENNIS
       Man!

                               ARTHUR
       Man.  I'm sorry.  Old man, What knight live in that castle
       over there?

                               DENNIS
       I'm thirty-seven.

                               ARTHUR
       What?

                               DENNIS:
       I'm thirty-seven ... I'm not old.

                               ARTHUR:
       Well - I can't just say:  "Hey, Man!'

                               DENNIS
       Well you could say: "Dennis"

                               ARTHUR
       I didn't know you were called Dennis.

                               DENNIS
       You didn't bother to find out, did you?

                               ARTHUR
       I've said I'm sorry about the old woman, but from the behind
       you looked ...

                               DENNIS
       What I object to is that you automatically treat me like
       an inferior ...

                               ARTHUR
       Well ... I AM king.

                               DENNIS
       Oh, very nice. King, eh!  I expect you've got a palace and fine
       clothes and courtiers and plenty of food.  And how d'you get that?
       By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist
       dogma which perpetuates the social and economic differences in our
       society!  If there's EVER going to be any progress ...

   An OLD WOMAN appears.

                               OLD WOMAN
       Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here ...  Oh!
       how d'you do?

                               ARTHUR
       How d'you do, good lady ... I am Arthur, King of the Britons ...
       can you tell me who lives in that castle?

                               OLD WOMAN
       King of the WHO?

                               ARTHUR
       The Britons.

                               OLD WOMAN
       Who are the Britons?

                               ARTHUR
       All of us are ... we are all Britons.

   DENNIS winks at the OLD WOMAN.

       ... and I am your king ....

                               OLD WOMAN
       Ooooh!  I didn't know we had a king.  I thought we were
       an autonomous collective ...

                               DENNIS
       You're fooling yourself.  We're living in a dictatorship,
       A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes ...

                               OLD WOMAN
       There you are, bringing class into it again ...

                               DENNIS
       That's what it's all about ...  If only -

                               ARTHUR
       Please, please good people.  I am in haste.  What knight lives in
       that castle?

                               OLD WOMAN
       No one live there.

                               ARTHUR
       Well, who is your lord?

                               OLD WOMAN
       We don't have a lord.

                               ARTHUR
       What?

                               DENNIS
       I told you,  We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune,  we take
       it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

                               ARTHUR
       Yes.

                               DENNIS
       ... But all the decision of that officer ...

                               ARTHUR
       Yes, I see.

                               DENNIS
       ... must be approved at a bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority
       in the case of purely internal affairs.

                               ARTHUR
       Be quiet!

                               DENNIS
       ... but a two-thirds majority ...

                               ARTHUR
       Be quiet!  I order you to shut up.

                               OLD WOMAN
       Order, eh -- who does he think he is?

                               ARTHUR
       I am your king!

                               OLD WOMAN
       Well, I didn't vote for you.

                               ARTHUR
       You don't vote for kings.

                               OLD WOMAN
       Well, how did you become king, then?

                               ARTHUR
       The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite,
       held Excalibur aloft from the bosom of the water to signify by
       Divine Providence ...  that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur ...
       That is why I am your king!
|
|                              OLD WOMAN
|      Is Frank in?  He'd be able to deal with this one.
|
                               DENNIS
       Look,  strange women lying on their backs in ponds handing out
       swords ... that's no basis for a system of government. Supreme
       executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from
       some farcical aquatic ceremony.

                               ARTHUR
       Be quiet!

                               DENNIS
       You can't expect to wield supreme executive power
       just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

                               ARTHUR
       Shut up!

                               DENNIS
       I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some
       moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would
       put me away!

                               ARTHUR
           (Grabbing him by the collar)
       Shut up, will you. Shut up!

                               DENNIS
       Ah! NOW ... we see the violence inherent in the system.

                               ARTHUR
       Shut up!

   PEOPLE (i.e. other PEASANTS) are appearing and watching.

                               DENNIS
           (calling)
       Come and see the violence inherent in the system.
       Help, help, I'm being repressed!

                               ARTHUR
           (aware that people are now coming out and watching)
       Bloody peasant!
           (pushes DENNIS over into mud and prepares to ride off)

                               DENNIS
       Oh, Did you hear that!  What a give-away.

                               ARTHUR
       Come on, patsy.

   They ride off.

                               DENNIS
           (in the background as we PULL OUT)
       did you see him repressing me, then?  That's what I've
       been on about ...


4  EXTERIOR - FOREST - DAY

   MIX THROUGH to ARTHUR and PATSY riding through the forest. They pass rune
   stones.  We TRACK with them.  CLOSE-UPS of their faces as they ride.
   MIX to another TRACKING SHOT of them riding through the forest. They
   come to a clearing and stop, looking ahead intently. Their eyes light up.

   Sound FX of fight.

   CUT TO their eyeline.  A clearing on the other side of which is a rough
   wooden foot-bridge across a stream.   At the start of the bridge a
   tremendous fight is going on.  A huge BLACK KNIGHT in black armour, his
   face totally masked in a visor, is fighting a slightly smaller KNIGHT in
   green armour.  (Perhaps the GREEN KNIGHT's armour is identical to the
   BLACK KNIGHT's save for the colour.)

   CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY.  They watch, growing more impressed
   as they watch the fight.

   CUT BACK TO the fight.  The GREEN KNIGHT lunges at the BLACK KNIGHT, who
   avoids the blow with a skillful side-step and parry, knocking the sword
   out of the GREEN KNIGHT's hand.

   CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY even more impressed.

   CUT BACK TO the fight.  The GREEN KNIGHT has drawn out a particularly nasty
   mace or spiked ball and chain, much longer than the BLACK KNIGHT's sword.

   ARTHUR narrows his eyes, wondering whether the BLACK KNIGHT will survive.

   CUT BACK to the fight. The GREEN KNIGHT swings at the BLACK KNIGHT, who
   ducks under the first swing, leaps over the second and starts to close
   on the GREEN KNIGHT.

   CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY watching like a tennis match. Sound FX of the
   fight reaching a climax.  Four almighty clangs.  Then Silence.

   CUT BACK to see the GREEN KNIGHT stretched out.  The BLACK KNIGHT
   sheathes his sword.

   ARTHUR looks at PATSY.  Nods and they move forward.

   CUT BACK TO the BLACK KNIGHT picking up the GREEN KNIGHT above his head
   and hurling him into the river.  ARTHUR and PATSY approach him.

                               ARTHUR
       You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight.

|                              BLACK KNIGHT
|      Who dares to challenge the Black Knight?
|
|                              ARTHUR
|      I do not challenge you.

   The BLACK KNIGHT stares impassively and says nothing.

                               ARTHUR
       I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

   Hint of a pause as he waits for a reaction which doesn't come. ARTHUR is
   only slightly thrown.

       ... I seek the bravest and the finest knights in all
       the world to join me in my court at Camelot ...

   The BLACK KNIGHT remains silent

                               ARTHUR
       You have proved yourself worthy. ... Will you join me?

   Silence.

|                              ARTHUR
|      A man of your strength and skill would be the chief of all
|      my knights ...
|
|                              BLACK KNIGHT
|      Never.
|
                               ARTHUR
       You make me sad.  But so be it.  Come Patsy.

   As he moves, the BLACK KNIGHT bars the way.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       None shall pass.

                               ARTHUR
       What?

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       None shall pass.

                               ARTHUR
       I have no quarrel with you, brave Sir knight, but I must
       cross this bridge.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       Then you shall die.

                               ARTHUR
       I command you, as King of the Britons to stand aside.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       I move for no man.

                               ARTHUR
       So be it!

   ARTHUR draws his sword and approaches the BLACK KNIGHT.  A furious fight
   now starts lasting about fifteen seconds at which point ARTHUR delivers
   a mighty blow which completely severs the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm at
   the shoulder.  ARTHUR steps back triumphantly.

                               ARTHUR
       Now stand aside worthy adversary.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
           (Glancing at his shoulder)
       'Tis but a scratch.

                               ARTHUR
       A scratch?  Your arm's off.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       No, it isn't.

                               ARTHUR
           (Pointing to the arm on ground)
       Well, what's that then?

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       I've had worse.

                               ARTHUR
       You're a liar.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       Come on you pansy!

   Another ten seconds furious fighting till ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHTS's
   other arm off, also at the shoulder.  The arm plus sword, lies on the ground.
                               ARTHUR
       Victory is mine.
           (sinking to his knees)
       I thank thee O Lord that in thy ...

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       Come on then.

                               ARTHUR
       What?

   He kicks ARTHUR hard on the side of the helmet.  ARTHUR gets up still
   holding his sword.  The BLACK KNIGHT comes after him kicking.

                               ARTHUR
       You are indeed brave Sir knight, but the fight is mine.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       Had enough?

                               ARTHUR
       You stupid bastard.  You havn't got any arms left.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       Course I have.

                               ARTHUR
       Look!

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       What!  Just a flesh wound.
           (kicks ARTHUR)

                               ARTHUR
       Stop that.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
           (kicking him)
       Had enough ... ?

                               ARTHUR
       I'll have your leg.

   He is kicked.

       Right!

   The BLACK KNIGHT kicks him again and ARTHUR chops his leg off.
   The BLACK KNIGHT keeps his balance with difficulty.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       I'll do you for that.

                               ARTHUR
       You'll what ... ?

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       Come Here.

                               ARTHUR
       What are you going to do. bleed on me?

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       I'm invincible!

                               ARTHUR
       You're a looney.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       The Black Knight always triumphs. Have at you!

   ARTHUR takes his last leg off.  The BLACK KNIGHT's body lands upright.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       All right, we'll call it a draw.

                               ARTHUR
       Come, Patsy.

   ARTHUR and PATSY start to cross the bridge.

                               BLACK KNIGHT
       Running away eh?  You yellow bastard, Come back here and take
       what's coming to you.  I'll bite your legs off!


5  EXTERIOR - DAY

   A village.  Sound of chanting of Latin canon, punctuated by short, sharp
   cracks.  It comes nearer.  We see it is a line of MONKS ala SEVENTH SEAL
   flagellation scene, chanting and banging themselves on the foreheads with
   wooden boards.  They pass a group of villagers who are dragging a beautiful
   YOUNG WOMAN dressed as a witch through the streets.  They drag her to a
   strange house/ruin standing on a hill outside the village.  A
   strange-looking knight stands outside, SIR BEDEVERE.

                               FIRST VILLAGER
       We have found a witch.  May we burn her?

                               ALL
       A Witch! Burn her!

                               BEDEVERE
       How do you know she is a witch?

                               ALL
       She looks like one. Yes, she does.

                               BEDEVERE
       Bring her forward.

   They bring her forward - a beautiful YOUNG GIRL (MISS ISLINGTON) dressed up
   as a witch.

                               WITCH
       I am not a witch.  I am not a witch.

                               BEDEVERE
       But you are dressed as one.

                               WITCH
       They dressed me up like this.

                               ALL
       We didn't, we didn't!

                               WITCH
       This is not my nose,  It is a false one.

   BEDEVERE takes her nose off.

                               BEDEVERE
       Well?

                               FIRST VILLAGER
       ... Well, we did do the nose.

                               BEDEVERE
       The nose?

                               FIRST VILLAGER
       And the hat.  But she is a witch.

                               ALL
       A witch,  a witch,  burn her!

                               BEDEVERE
       Did you dress her up like this?

                               FIRST VILLAGER
       ... Um ... Yes ... no ... a bit ... yes... she has got a wart.

                               BEDEVERE
       Why do you think she is a witch?

                               SECOND VILLAGER
       She turned me into a newt.

                               BEDEVERE
       A newt?

                               SECOND VILLAGER
           (After looking at himself for some time)
       I got better.

                               ALL
       Burn her anyway.

                               BEDEVERE
       Quiet! Quiet!  There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

   ARTHUR and PATSY ride up at this point and watch what follows with interest
-------------------end of part 1--------------8<----------8<-------------

--
MIGUEL FARAH F.         | Swirdy rd im zrmdsyhr rdvoyp | Vini, vidi, vi
mbfarah@isluga.puc.cl   | rm ytrd ofopzsd fogrtrmyrs u |
                        | oy od rmvtuqyrf. Frvuqjrt oy | E pluribus UNIX
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