From: thurlow@convex.com (Robert Thurlow)
Subject: Re: Various ramblings...
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 00:52:43 GMT
Organization: Engineering, CONVEX Computer Corp., Richardson, Tx., USA
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

In <1992Aug16.200422.8070@nuchat.sccsi.com> kevin@nuchat.sccsi.com (Kevin Brown) writes:

>Sigh.  Yes, I *am* long-winded it seems.  Sorry about that, but I know of
>no other way to express myself in sufficient detail as to avoid confusion.

Again, you miss the point.  You need to _not_ be so insistent on settling
every tiny issue in every response (or should I say rebuttal).  You need
to try to find the one or two ideas that are the most important to you
and focus on them, and ignore the rest until later on.  We will be there
later on, provided you don't burn us all out right now.  (Speaking of
burnout, please don't send long things to me in e-mail.  Stuff in here
might conceivably be of benefit to others, but mail wouldn't be.)

>Well, I always thought "success" was a pretty simple concept, actually.  :-)
>You "succeed" when you reach your goal.   You "fail" when you don't.

Jives fine with what I said.  I think that you need to scale down
your goal and try to achieve just that, so that you will be able to
get something other than continuous defeat when you do try.

>>It sounds like you may get there by your own hand if you don't change
>>a few directions and ways of thinking.  You worry me, Kevin.

>I don't follow.  What about me bothers you?

The biggest thing is that you seem to be trapping yourself in a
situation without options, and paying too much attention to the
things you don't have that you want so badly.  I believe the road
to suicide starts with, "There's just no way I'll *ever* be happy
because of <x>," and I see you in the "Exit Only" lane sometimes.
You need to think more about options, things you can try that
might help, or will at least make you happy.  Maybe your logical
mind just gets obsessed with relationship foo when you touch
your keyboard, and that's misleading me, but the focus seems too
tight.

>*That's* the situation I face.  I can barely, if at all, learn from my
>failures because I can't read people or situations and thus I can't tell
>what the #@$!! is going on.

I know I won't achieve anything if I'm not trying new things.  I think
every time you say "I can't!" that you reinforce your problem, your
learning disabilities notwithstanding.  I understand as well as I can
from here that you have more to deal with than I do, but I think you
are putting up barriers that are making things worse for you.

>This is a big part of the problem, and a primary reason that *I* get
>so frustrated when people complain about my "yes, but" responses.  I
>say "yes, but" for a *reason*.

You're not as bad as some people I can recall, but I think a lot of
us would love to see you not argue the "yes, but" thing as strongly.
If you could tone down the explicit "I can't!" comments, I think
some of that would happen for free.

>Do my postings really look that similar to the ones I produced a couple
>of years ago?  I mean, I've changed significantly during that period of
>time, but it may not show here, probably because what I've been
>discussing here *hasn't* changed at all during the past couple of years
>(lots of other things, like my general approach to life and all that,
>have).

Yes, your posts read very much the same to me.  I think it could be
the focus on the topic, as you suggest.  I know I am different from
who I was a year ago, and I seem to be getting a better response
from people via e-mail and such, so maybe that is apparent to others.
But it's hard to tell how you come across.

>This is true.  If I were to pursue these things with the same kind of
>interest that I pursue computers and cars, I could well become that
>conversant in them.  One tends to become an expert in the things one
>is interested in, after all.  Maybe I should become an expert in more
>things.

That's the best thing I've heard out of you for ages.  There's no
rush, but I encourage you to do this.

Rob T
--
Rob Thurlow, thurlow@convex.com
The sun is gonna shine again / We're gonna make it 'round that bend
I'll walk another mile with you, 'cause you're my friend
The sun is gonna shine again.			- Graham Parker
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