From: jbyrd@chpc.utexas.edu (Jan Byrd)
Subject: Re: I survived the holidays
Organization: Center for High Performance Computing, Univ. of Texas System
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 93 16:36:08 GMT

Spent 8 days after Christmas with my older sister who has finally gotten 
control of her weight (for about the last 2-3 years).  Much as I admire how 
great she looks now and how she's keeping it off, I kept feeling like she 
was trying to control what and how much *I* ate during the visit.  Maybe I'm 
just feeling paranoid about it (because I'm heavier than she is these days), 
but I found myself feeling sort of oppressed and deprived during the visit 
and sort of contrary and perverse now that it's over, like, "I'll eat a lot
now to make up for it".

Many people complain of relatives or friends pushing high-calorie foods on
them when they're trying to diet.  That has never been my problem.  I have
no problem at all saying "No, thank you" to them.  But I have always reacted 
adversely to anyone that I felt was trying to restrict what or how much I 
ate, and, rightly or wrongly, I've always felt that only *I* have the RIGHT 
to do that to/for *me*.

My sister and I are very close, and she's very kind and would never knowingly
hurt me, but I'll always be the "little sister", and perhaps she'll always
want to "guide" me.  The way she's dealt with her weight problem is by be-
coming a sensible and moderate eater rather than trying to avoid temptation
entirely.  She exercises very little and eats very little now.  I truly do 
applaud this approach (to eating, not the lack of exercise) and would very 
much like to adopt it for myself, but during the visit I kept finding myself 
confronted with rich foods that I was expected to eat only a bite or two of, 
because that's what she was doing (or because that's all that was available).  
I've always been a quantity eater, and we were skiing a lot and my appetite 
was enormous (my energy was flagging, too, since I don't ski more than one 
trip a year, so I was wanting to eat for that reason also).  My sister also 
eats frequently between meals (coming back to the lodge 2 hours before and 
2 hours after lunch), just small amounts.  Once again, I think that's fine, 
but I find that I'm not hungry at all those times; however when confronted 
with the sight and smell of food, I'm likely to overindulge even when not 
hungry.  

As I'm writing this I'm realizing that I should have just TOLD her that I
do poorly these days with her regimen: going out to eat all the time, order-
ing burgers and fries that she eats only 2 or 3 bites of, then leaves the 
rest (when was the last time I didn't finish my burger and fries and wish I
could have eaten 2 of each?); going to buffets and all-you-can-eat places 
and watching my sister eat only the lettuce and broiled fish and then 
feeling fat and guilty when I put more on my plate than she did; watching
her buy some tiny, very rich cookies, hand me one of them and then HIDE 
THE BAG.  But I didn't say anything; I think I was just too confused by all 
my conflicting emotions - about food, about food and vacations, about sis-
ters who seem to have come to terms with what I'm still struggling with - 
and I'm just now trying to sort these conflicting emotions out.  I think
what I REALLY wanted was to "tie one on", food-wise, on this vacation, and
I wasn't "allowed" to do it, but was instead faced with temptation over
and over again.

Thanks for listening.  I'm probably just being sour grapes-y about this,
and maybe I've learned something.  I just feel like my sister should have
inspired me, and instead I've come back feeling that I CAN'T change and
become sensible and moderate like she has.  I still have this all-or-
nothing approach to food and dieting.

Jan

P.S.  I didn't gain any weight over the holidays (not surprising) and even
lost a little, but even that doesn't make me feel any better.