HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: templon@paramount.nikhefk.nikhef.nl (Jeffrey Templon)
Subject: INFO: for those who want to take back asar
Summary: kill file
Keywords: kill file
Organization: NIKHEFK
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 02:16:11 GMT


Hi,

I was told by a friend about all the controversy here and
have been following it for awhile.

You CAN take your newsgroup back.  There are things called
"kill files" in most newsreaders.  You set this up
(I must confess I don't know the details but I could
try and find out after the new year if there are requests and
noone more knowledgeable comes out with info before then)
and you can (depending on which newreader you use):

o cause any message with a certain AUTHOR to not be displayed
o cause any message with a certain SUBJECT (including RE:s to that
	subject) to not be displayed
o on some readers, cause any message with a given STRING OF
	CHARACTERS in it ( such as "tovenar@abracadab.com" or
	"new newsgroup" or "get lost") to not be displayed

Thus if you see a hurtful message, topic, or thread appearing,
add the subject or author's name to your kill file
and you'll never see it or replies to it from then on.

This doesn't help the email participants but maybe someone
else knows a solution there.

Sometimes you gotta fight a little to keep a safe place.
Read your newsreader manual, make your newsgroup your
home once again.  Good luck.


					JT

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: hal@netcom.com (Hal Wine)
Subject: Re: SPOILER: My Story (long)
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 02:23:41 GMT

In article <42540@sdcc12.ucsd.edu> sakelley@euclid.ucsd.edu (Scott Kelley) writes:
      [ a lot of very powerful stuff deleted ]
Scott,

As with anyone's post, I can't comment on the "objective truth" (if
there is such a thing), nor would I want to.

I'm very sorry your life is so painful right now.  I hope it helped to
say what you said, and to have it heard.  My therapist often talks
about the power of witnessing another's story, and of having one's own
story witnessed.

I would like you to know that I hear a *lot* of pain.  I hear a huge
feeling of betrayal.  I hear your soul crying out in it's loneliness.

It's not right that the world can hold such pain in it, but it does.
It's not right that the world asks one person to hold so much pain,
but it does.  I'm glad you're to the point where you're not keeping it
all inside of you.

Stay safe...

-- 
Hal Wine
Internet: hal@netcom.com		Compuserve: 72267,3346
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton)
Subject: Re: Hello again
Organization: Supercomputer Systems Division (SSD), Intel
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 18:00:17 GMT

In article <Bz9BsF.23E@twwells.com> anon-1421@twwells.com (Seeker) writes:
>PeterW writes:
>
>Congratulations and Hurrahs! for finishing something you set
>out to do. For even setting out.
>

Thanks Seeker.

>And may I extend it to all of us (posters and readers alike)
>who are able to set out and finish something. Even if it is
>brushing our teeth in the morning. Don't think we give ourselves
>enough credit.

I agree.  Make sure you include yourself!!

>
>Thankyou, Peter, for the good news and reason to celebrate. You
>deserve affirmations and to feel good about yourself.
>
>-Seeker
>

Really, thanks a lot.  I'm not used to people telling me things like that.
Wow!

Peter
-- 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peter Warton (The h was dropped     | Against my better judgement (not to
over 800 years ago)		    | mention the advice of my friends) I
warton@ssd.intel.com		    | speak for myself.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: Still Wondering
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 15:27:25 GMT

In article <1grrohINN2kb@flash.pax.tpa.com.au> anon.31@pax.tpa.com.au writes:
>
>Liam here again.  More on being enraged when awakened.
>
>In article <168C0B0D9.ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU>
>ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU (Erin) writes:
>
>>Yes, Yes, Yes!!! I am exactly the same way, although not nearly as bad
>>now (I stopped living with the perps over 10 years ago). But, I still
>>freak really easily sometimes. Were you always like this, or has it been
>>since going into therapy? Maybe, if some memories are close to surfacing,
>>the behavior patterns are temporarily becoming more extreme.
> 
>I haven't always been like this.  It started several years ago, but it's 
>become more intense since I've been in therapy.  And it really doesn't
>make any sense.  A couple of weeks ago I was taking a nap on top of the
>bed.  My wife woke me up to ask for my car keys.  Even after I was aware
>that it was she, and knew what she wanted, I was still feeling anger.
>It was a perfectly reasonable request, and there was no reason to be
>angry with her.  The feeling went away in a few minutes, and I was left
>feeling foolish.

If someone wakes me up in the middle of a dream, I'll feel bad-tempered
for a while--sometimes for hours. My impression is that it's just 
metabolic and not abuse-related. 

I'm not denying that this kind of thing can be abuse related, I'm just
saying that I don't think it always is. 

Nancy Lebovitz
nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: starting to date
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Sat, 12 Dec 1992 22:55:14 GMT

mccall3080@iscsvax.uni.edu writes:

>        There is this person that I really like right now and I have asked him
>out, twice.  I posted about it a week or so ago.  I know he likes me too, but
>neither one of us seem to be taking the initiative in the relationship.  The
>other day we went to a concert and I couldn't even reach over and hold his hand
>even though I wanted to.  How do I get past that fear?  I want to, but is like
>an inner battle in my mind keeping me from even starting something.

here's what i do when my rational mind knows that in all likelyhood nothing bad
will happen, but my emotional mind is scared to do something:  i sort of get
into a mental game of tennis: 
"it'll be fine,"                           "i'm scared!" 
"what's the worst that could happen?"      "well, probably nothing, 
					    but i don't wanna do it right now."
"it's perfectly simple. it'll be fine."    "i know, but what if something bad
					    happens?"
and so on...

so what i do, is impulsively do the thing while the ball is in my rational
mind's court, so to speak.  i find that it's just that initial
starting-to-do-it part which is the scariest, and once i'm over that, my
emotional brain realizes that the world hasn't stopped spinning, no one is
screaming at me, etc, and it's ok.
    
>        I know that I need to take things slow, but if I don't even begin how
>is it supposed to progress?
>        Melissa

good luck, i hope this helps.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: anon.80@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: test
Date: 19 Dec 92 02:56:47 GMT
Reply-To: anon.80@pax.tpa.com.au
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


just another test post....sorry


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: an1762@anon.penet.fi (Peaceful Warrior)
Subject: Help!
X-Anonymously-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 22:33:32 GMT


My therapist has left town for three weeks for the Christmas
holiday. I'm feeling really horrible and scared and panicked
about that and was wondering what things other people do to
cope in this situation.

I don't know - I guess I'm just feeling really really alone
and three weeks seems like years and I'm a mess about it
all.

Please help!
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From: anon-1487@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: another day
Date: 17 Dec 92 00:43:03 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Hi.  It's me again.  I posted for the first time earlier.  Somebody sent
me e-mail and I thought that I had it turned on, but I didn't, so
if possible, please resend (it is on now, I think).
Today has been quite a day.  I have been dealing with a lot of memories
that are not pleasant.  Sometimes I think my imagination is playing
an awful trick on me.  Stop!  Stop!


Well, I have thought of a nickname:  Chinadoll (since I am feeling very
fragile these days).

Well, thanks for reading, responses are welcome!!
E-hugs to whoever wants them!!
Chinadoll



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU
Subject: Re: asshole
Organization: UNC Charlotte
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 17:36:09 GMT

In article <BzC2K9.DFF@twwells.com>
anon-1280@twwells.com (Alaska) writes:
 
>
>From: anon-1383@twwells.com (Apple)
>>and Alaska, real nice post about Enigma.
>oh myg od, i nevernevernerever meant to hurt anyone
>>I nominate you for asshole of the month award.....
>yes youre right
>>but I guess your brain gets frozen all the way up in Alaska....
>>that is where you are from I take it.
>no but thats where im goiing
><sob>
 
 
Alaska, ***please*** don't go away. I think that what Apple said to you
is ***way, way, way*** out of line (IMHO). I've already written to Apple
and said so (in a *polite* manner).
 
***Everyone*** gets upset sometimes and says things they didn't mean,
especially when they already feel bad and/or are under a lot of stress.
Hopefully, most people on asar understand this. (hopefully this is the
case with Apple, too).
 
*I* don't want you to go away.
 
ehugs if you want them,
 
Erin
From: h234_035@ccvax.ucd.ie
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: A discovery by [BOB] (Please respond)
Date: 9 Dec 92 12:29:30 GMT
Organization: University College Dublin

Hi there people,
I think I have come to a startling conclusion that I dont want to accept.
I think I was sexually abused.

I dont like the idea that I was sexually abused.

If I was sexually abused then someone sexually abused me.
Who?
Unfortunately I think I know the answer to that question.
My brothers would have me believe that it was a neighbour.
I think it was my father.
I'll address this to my abuser, whoever that may be.

I HATE YOU.
YOU AFFECTED ME SO MUCH THAT I DONT WANT TO LIVE.
DAMN YOU.
I DONT DESERVE THIS.
DAMN IT WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY DID YOU HURT ME?
WHO ARE YOU?
SHOW YOURSELF...LET ME SEE YOUR FACE

Sorry about that folks, I needed to let off steam.

Please, please, please reply to this. I dont even know if what I say is
reaching you.

Please note that I cannot receive private e-mail at this address, all replies
to me must be posted publicly.

Thank you.

[BOB]

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1425@twwells.com (pathfinder)
Subject: RE:I'm not a cutter,but.. *possible spoiler*
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 1992 02:19:24 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

>cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell) writes:

>>anon-1425@twwells.com (pathfinder) writes:

>>Unsure if this is a spoiler so i decide it's a spoiler

>>****************** spoiler * spoiler **************************

>>Hi everybody!

>>After the recent postings about cutting i'm wondering if i could have
>>the cutting thing in me too?I don't cut wounds outside but i have
>>inflicted bleedings inside,i'm not sure if this counts as cutting.

>>When i really hate myself i do this(with pants on):::
>>Usually i hit my legs,thighs with the backside of a screwdriver (the hard
>>plastic part),if i don't have one i use my fist.I always decide the
>>number of hits,blows therefore the grade of punishment before i start.

>pathfinder:

>don't let the term "cutting" throw you.  as it says in the faq, it's a blanket
>term covering a wide range of self-destructive behaviors.  for whatever reason,
>a lot of people seem to specifically cut themselves than use other overt forms
>of self-abuse, so that's sort of the term that got adopted.  but nevertheless,
>whatever method you use, the motivations, damage, and resulting feelings of
>shame, etc are just as real.  so don't get into the mindset of thinking that
>your problem are any less real than those of us who literally cut.  *hugs* to
>you, if you want them.

Thanks and
many * HUGS * back to you

Pathfinder



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Abandonment *Spoiler*
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 19:02:43 GMT

krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick) writes:

>More rambelings of a general nature that need a

>***SPOILER WARNING***

>attached...

[ talk about abandonment removed ]

gee, that really sucks.  i'm sorry your friends weren't there for you.  but you
know, i have a feeling that you'll pull through just fine.

>I just want to crawl into some corner and die quietly, where my decomposing
>body won't be a bother to anyone...  This shit isn't worth it!

the shit isn't, to be sure, but not everything is that shitty.  there are good
things too.  and besides, if you go off and die in a corner somewhere, who will
finish section 5?  :)

hang in there, krikket.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: anon-1421@twwells.com (Seeker)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: pain
Date: 17 Dec 92 23:58:28 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

I am feeling temporarily off-line so please be patient,
people who have sent me e-mail in past few days. I
will get back to you.

I don't know what is going on in my head. I am so very
confused. I am having a panic attack today. (am scared.)

Not sure what I'm scared about. Maybe because I am 
getting closer to my SO and he scares me sometimes.

-Seeker



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Will anyone be posting over Christmas?
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Sat, 19 Dec 1992 00:02:02 GMT

ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU writes:

>Hey, I bought a modem so I could post from my PC at home over Christmas
>Break (among other reasons) and now everyone is going on vacation!!! :-)
> 
>Thanks to everyone who responded to my posts over the last week or so. I
>really appreciate it!
> 
>Erin
> 

i might be able to log in once or twice from dad's house, provided that his
ancient pc clone still works.  still, though, long distance at 1200 baud will
mean i can't read everything...
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: wwonko@eskimo.com (Louis Erickson)
Subject: Hello!
Organization: >>> Eskimo North (206)-FOR-EVER <<<
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 06:40:12 GMT


Hello!  I am posting under a freind's account, since we just found out
about this group a couple of days ago.  I have been having sexual abuse
memories for about two years now.  There were multiple perpetrators,
including both my mother and my father.  I'm going through a difficult
stage right now because I haven't been able to hold down a job since the
middle of October and am trying to figure out how to cope with SSI and
other Social Services.  (Bleah!)  Mostly I have been told to just go
home and wait until my money (savings) runs out and then we will worry
about what happens.  Problem:  I got thrown out of the house so much as
a teenager and my mother and I spent so much time hitch-hiking around
the country and sleeping in bus/train stations and junk that if I don't
know that I have a place to go, I get suicidal, VERY!  I was in the
downtown public library and in the winter, it is full of homeless
people, which is okay, because I am glad they have some place warm to
go, but I told myself that I would never have to be like that and that I
could always jump off a bridge or take the entire contents of my
medicine cabinet first.  A couple days later, it occured to me that I
was getting rreally serious about that and really making plans about
whether I wanted to kill myself at home or find a way to do it publicly,
sort of in protest to a society that lets so many people be emotionally
mutilated.  I got really upset and called my therapist and said "I'm
sorry I'm being a brat, but I really just can't sit around and wait
until I don't have any resources left, 'cause I'm not going to make it
that far." So, she is going to see if she can locate a social worker or
something.  I just can't sit around like that, I have to have a plan of
action.  I really do want to get back to work, because I feel so much
more in control of life, but right now I can't.  I have an application
with the Dept. of Vocational Rehab., but they take 6 mos. to respond. 
Maybe by that time I will be less beseiged by flashbacks.
    Whew!  I didn't quite mean to go on like that, but I just sort of
went Bleah!  Some introduction.  Anyhow, I'm glad this is out here.  It
is a <little> like an electronic ISA (Incest Survivors Anonymous)
meeting, but not as much 12-step stuff, and no one is allowed to flame
on anyone directly in an ISA meeting.

Take care out there....
    tyger
ps, I can be reached as: tyger@rdwarf.eskimo.com
From: anon-1487@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: another test (sorry)
Date: 13 Dec 92 23:40:55 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

anon-announce: no



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From: h234_035@ccvax.ucd.ie
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: [BOB] responds to Tito
Date: 17 Dec 92 11:17:48 GMT
Organization: University College Dublin

In article <Bz9Lsn.2zw@twwells.com>, anon-1474@twwells.com (Tito) writes:
> Hi all,
> 
> I'm BOB's biggest brother :-). My real name is Chris - "Tito" is a
> childhood name I had for myself...

[deleted]

> BOB, I am proud of you that after the pain and suffering that you have gone 
> through over the past two years that you are *finally* getting a handle on 
> it. As you well know, there have been many times over the past two years 
> that we all have simply feared (sp?) for your life. I hope I am not speaking 
> too early - I hope that you can now keep it together to reap the rewards of 
> a wonderful life that I now reckon is ahead of you.

Tito, I wish I could see this 'wonderful life' that everyone is predicting for
me. As you will probably have guessed from the subject of my last post, I am
far from anything 'wonderful', unless you count the last great adventure.
(Dont worry, I will still be around well into the new year)

> As you know, I am a 12 
> stepper, and a person who believes in the spiritual for my healing. You *do* 
> have a lot of amends to make, but that will come in time, and it will be a 
> *lot* easier than you think.

What are these 'twelve steps'? Is this something about 'The Courage to Heal',
or something else?

> I know that BOB has had difficulty in reading the responses that all of you 
> on asar have been writing to him. I hope by know that he has read some of 
> them - I have counted about 6 or 8 responses... Know that you are not 
> alone... (Phew - its cold, I know, but I am shaking like a leaf writing 
> this...). As I have said, I am BOB's brother, and although I see him/speak 
> to him infrequently, I *do* have access to e-mail, and I am willing to act 
> as a "gateway" to him. Please note that I receive asar through a friend, so 
> there is quite a delay before I see posts...

On that note folks, who knows anything about VMS news 6.0? Is there any reason
it would filter out responses to messages I post? I seem to get anything except
messages with a subject 'Re: <a subject line I posted>'
(Maybe you could post your replies to Tito for me. Thanks.)

> My "proper" e-mail address is phyobyrne@bodkin.ucg.ie
> 
> I am reading *all* of your posts, but the posts by BOB have a special 
> relevance to me. And, as I have said to BOB, if he ever wants me to leave 
> asar so that he can post without me seeing *what* he posts, I will do so.
> 
> Chris.   (phyobyrne@bodkin.ucg.ie  - and the anon-address given above...)
> 

Thanks Tito, your support is much appreciated.

And thanks again to all you lovely people out there.

[BOB]

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery