From: glennw@cbnewsm.cb.att.com (glenn.r.wesley)
Subject: Flying Jokes Collection - 3rd of 3
Organization: AT&T
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1992 15:09:03 GMT
Keywords: flying jokes


Well, here is the collection of flying jokes that I assembled for
my April 1st flying club meeting.
    Thanks go to all who responded to my pleas!

    This is the last of 3 postings.
=========================================================================
Glenn Wesley			PP-ASEL
att!alux5!glennw		220 hrs and climbing...
AT&T Bell Laboratories		Lehigh Valley Flying Club
Allentown, PA			Warrior 30LV, Charger 40LV, Archer 47480

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
About five years ago I worked at an FBO in Atlanta on the line.  The Sales
Dept. would let us ferry a/c whenever they had something we could handle, so
I ended up ferrying a Saratoga out to Johnson Co. Executive about 20 or so
miles south of Kansas City.

The guy to whom I delivered the plane flew me over to Kansas City Int'l in a
Malibu to hop a Delta flight back to Atlanta.  Real nice day, about dusk, and
we were being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land......

KC Appch:  "Malibu 229, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."

Us: "We've got him.  We'll follow him."

KC Appch:  "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and
three miles.  Do you have that traffic?"

Delta 105: (long pause, and in a thick southern drawl)  "Wwweelllll, I've got
something down there.  Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle,
though."
================================================================
    My favorite ATC story involves an old-timer who would get rather excited
when it got busy.  It seemed as if he would think up zingers at home and use
'em at some convenient moment.  Anyway, he's working USA553 westbound and is
about to turn him over to Cleveland...

Controller:  USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.6.

<pause>

Controller:  USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.6!

<pause>

Controller:  USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!

Pilot:  Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name
you'd get a better response!
================================================================
ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."
N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."
N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."
================================================================
Anyway, I heard these two on the air this week:

(Scene 1: it's night over Las Vegas, information hotel is current and
mooney 33W is unfamiliar and talking to approach control)

Approach: 33W confirm you have hotel.
33W:	Uhhhmm, we're flying into McCarren International.  Uhhhmm, we don't
	have a hotel room yet.

approach control was laughing too hard to respond.  The next several
calls went like this:

Approach: United 5, descend to FL220.
United 5: United 5 down to FL220; we don't have a hotel room either.
================================================================
    "This is McCarren International departure information Delta.  2100
    zulu, [weather, approach information, notams, etc., etc.]  Arriving
    aircraft contact approach at 118...   [silence]  You lousy machine,
    why do you always do this to me?"
================================================================
>Q: How many Northwest pilots does it take to fly a DC-9?
>A: Two, and a fifth

Hmm.  Sounds like an offshoot of Exxon tanker jokes to me.
================================================================
    How do you send a 2 dimensional man to New York?  By Plane.
    What side of the plane should he sit on?
================================================================
    What's the difference between American pilots and Iraqi pilots?
    American pilots break ground and fly into the wind.
================================================================
Top Ten New Advertising Slogans for Delta Airlines (From David Letterman)
10. We're Amtrak with WIngs
 9. Join Our Frequent Near-Miss Program
 8. Ask About Out-of-Court Settlements
 7. Noisy Engines?  We'll Turn 'Em Off!
 6. Complimentary Champagne in Free-Fall
 5. Enjoy the In-Flight Movie on the Plane Next to You
 4. The Kids Will Love Our Inflatable Slides
 3. Terrorists Are Afraid to Fly with Us
 2. Our Pilots Are Terminally Ill and Have Nothing to Lose
 1. We Might Be Landing on Your Street!
================================================================
A couple of TAC pilots were flying F-102's in escort with a B-36 bomber
and were chinning with the pilot of the bomber to pass the time.  Talk
fell to the subject of the relative merits of their respective aircraft
with the fighter pilots holding that their planes made for more interes-
ting flying because of the manueverability, acceleration and the like.  
The B-36 pilot replied "Yeh?  Well this old girl can do a few tricks you 
guys can't even touch."  Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate.  
"Watch," he tells them.

After several minutes the bomber pilot returns to the air and says,
"There!  How was that?"  Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots 
say, "What are talking about?"  Reply, "Well, I went for a little stroll, 
got a cup of coffee and went downstairs for a chat with the navigator."
================================================================
NW is working with Boeing to develop a/c specific to their needs.

Their first one will be the 7&7......
================================================================
Heard last weekend at Palo Alto while I was inbound from Leslie Salt:

PAO Twr:  "Mooney 23D, traffic is a Cherokee just entering downwind from
the left 45."

Mooney 23D:  "Uhhh, tower, 23D...only traffic I see is a Cessna."

Pause...

PAO Twr:  "Mooney 23D, follow your traffic directly ahead, an, um,
inverted Cherokee just abeam the numbers."  :)
================================================================
Leaving Palo Alto on Friday. A Citabria had just landed:

PAO: 85 Uniform, Taxi to position and hold.
Me: Position and hold, 85 Uniform.
Citabria:  Umm, Tower, there's a dead seagull on the right side 
of the runway near the windsock.
PAO: Roger.  85 Uniform, cleared for takeoff.  Watch for a dead
seagull on the right side of the runway.
Me: 85 Uniform, Dead seagull traffic in sight.

A little later, the Citabria was downwind when I heard:

PAO: Citabria 123, cleared to land 30.  Caution - there's a buzzard
trying to eat the seagull on the runway.
================================================================
Extracted from the UK CAA GASIL (general aviation safety info leaflet) Dec
1991.

Lady Radar Controller: "Can I turn you on at 7 miles?"
Airline Captain:	"Madam, you can try."
================================================================
Pilot:	"Golf Juliet Whiskey, request instructions for takeoff"
Persons unknown:	"Open the throttle smoothly, check temperatures and
		pressures rising, keep the aircraft straight using ....."
================================================================
Student pilot (who forgot to ask for surface wind) "Please pass wind"
================================================================
Lost student pilot:	"Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, 
			identify yourself"
================================================================
Tower:	"Alpha Charlie, climb to 4000 ft for noise abatement"
AC:	"How can I possibly be creating excess noise at 2000 ft?"
Tower:	"At 4000 ft you will miss the twin coming at you at 2000 ft, and
	that is bound to avoid one hell of a racket".
================================================================
I went out to do some touch and goes today, and the ATIS ended
with a slight twist......

"...altimeter 29.93.  VFR departures advise ground control of
destination and altitude and you play golf."

Coincedentally, I called up right behind a KC-10 that was getting 
ready to go.  The exchange was;

"Wilmington ground, Cessna 54360 at ISO (the FBO ramp) with about
a 14 handicap, request tee time for the pattern."

[delay.....squelch breaks with laughter.......]

"Cessna 360 taxi to runway 24 behind the 10 iron, number 2 for
takeoff, he's a scratch golfer."

Seems that the controller (a trainee) wasn't privy to the ATIS tagline,
and his supervisor got a BIG kick out of all this.  
================================================================
At the end of a long, bumpy ride from upstate New York to Charleston,
WV several weeks ago, I heard CRW approach talking to someone:

	CRW - "By the way, N12345, I'd like to personally commend and
		thank you for that outstanding effort in restoring 
		functionality to your transponder..."  (background
		guffaws from several controller co-workers)
================================================================
Several years ago I heard a pilot check in with approach control
with the following (names changed because I don't remember them):

  [said with an exaggerated Southern drawl]

  Birdseed Approach, Barnburner 123 with you at seven thousand,
  with Information -- excuse the expression -- Yankee.
================================================================
I heard this exchange between Baltimore Approach and a C-172 about 3pm
on March 1st. I missed the first part of the exchange, but the part I
did hear follows. The tail number has been changed to protect the
guilty...

Balto:	N12345, Type of aircraft?

N12345:	Cessna 172

Balto:	N12345, sqwalk 54xx, cleared to enter the TCA.

N12345:	I don't really want to go through the TCA, I'm going north.
	I just want flight following.

Balto:	Ok, N12345, resume own navigation.

N12345:	What?

Balto:	N12345, resume own navigation.

N12345:	I don't understand.

Balto:	(very slowly) R e s u m e   o w n   n a v i g a t i o n.

N12345:	What does that mean?

Balto:	It means you do the navigating.

N12345:	Oh. Ok.

Balto:	N12345, are you aware you're approaching R-4001?

N12345:	Uh, no. That's why I want flight following.

Balto:	Oh. Which way do you want to go around it?

N12345:	Which way can I go?

Balto:	West or east.

N12345:	I'll go west.

Balto:	N12345, I suggest you find I-95 and stay west of it. Ok?

N12345:	Uh, ok...west of I-95. Thanks.
================================================================
My primary instructor always told me that I fly like that famous
Chinese pilot, Wan Wing Lo.
================================================================
THE CAT & DUCK METHOD OF IFR FLYING:

Today's flight age is an era highlighted with increasing emphasis 
on  safety.   Instrumentation  in the cockpit and in the  traffic 
control  tower has reached new peaks of electronic perfection  to 
assist the pilot during take-offs ,  flight ,  and landings.  For 
whimsical  contrast  to  these and other  marvels  of  scientific 
flight engineering ,  it is perhaps opportune to remind pilots of 
the  basic rules concerning the so-called Cat-and-Duck Method  of 
Flight , just in case something goes wrong with any of these new-
fangled flying instruments you find in today's aircraft.
     Place a live cat on the cockpit floor.  Because a cat always 
remains upright ,  he or she can be used in lieu of a needle  and 
ball.   Merely  watch to see which way the cat leans to determine 
if a wing is low and , if so , which one. 
     The  duck is used for the instrument approach  and  landing.  
Because  any  sensible duck will refuse to fly  under  instrument 
conditions,   it  is only necessary to hurl your duck out of  the 
plane and follow her to the ground.

     There  are some limitations to the Cat-and-Duck Method,  but 
by  rigidly adhering to the following check list ,  a  degree  of 
success will be achieved.

     1.  Get a wide-awake cat.  Most cats do not want to stand up 
at all,  at any time.   It may be necessary to get a large fierce 
dog in the cockpit to keep the cat at attention.

     2.   Make sure your cat is clean.  Dirty cats will spend all 
their  time  washing.   Trying  to follow a  cat  licking  itself 
usually results in a tight snap roll, followed by an inverted (or 
flat) spin.  You can see this is very unsanitary.

     3.   Old cats are best.   Young cats have nine lives, but an 
old  used-up cat with only one life left has just as much to lose 
an you do and will therefore be more dependable.

     4.   Beware of cowardly ducks.   If the duck discovers  that 
you  are  using the cat to stay upright - or straight and  level- 
she will refuse to leave without the cat.  Ducks are no better on 
instruments than you are. 

     5.   Be sure the duck has good eyesight.   Nearsighted ducks 
sometimes  will  go flogging off into the  nearest  hill.   Very 
short-sighted  ducks will not realize they have been  thrown  out 
and  will   descend to the ground in a  sitting  position.   This 
maneuver is quite difficult to follow in an airplane.

     6.  Use land-loving ducks.  It is very discouraging to break 
out  and  find yourself on final approach for some farm pound  in 
Iowa.   Also,  the  farmers there suffer from temporary  insanity 
when chasing crows off their corn fields and will shoot  anything 
that flies.

     7.  Choose your duck carefully.  It is easy to confuse ducks 
with  geese because many water birds look alike.   While they are 
very competent instrument flyers , geese seldom want to go in the 
same direction you do.  If your duck heads off for the Okefenokee 
Swamp, you may be sure you have been given the goose.
================================================================
"TOULOUSE,
French aviation authorities here admitted to a near-disaster which occured
about a month ago aboard an Airbus A320 jetliner.  The controversial aircraft
with its 'fly-by-wire' flight controls has been the subject of intense
controversy since its introduction.  The manufacturer, a consortium of
European interests, has steadfastly maintained the aircraft's inherent safety
over other aircraft, largely as a result of the computerized controls which
limit inputs from the pilots to ensure they are always compatible with
the current aerodynamic state of the plane.  Pilots and other pundits have
argued that these same safeguards can severely limit the crew's options
in emergency conditions.  Additionally, they argue that the increased
faith placed in the on-board computers leads to crew complacency and
inattentiveness.

"The incident in question took place while the aircraft, a British Airways
plane, was at cruise between New York and Fairbanks.  The co-pilot was
apparently entering new navigational data into the craft's INS (Inertial
Navigation System) when he misstyped a code.  The INS came back with
'Invalid PIN number selected' and returned the craft's weight and balance
data to the astonished crew.  'We tried several more times," exclaimed
Reginald Dwight, the Captain, 'and every time it was the same thing.  On
the third try it said "Access violation, contact your credit institution if
you believe there is an error."  At that point all the plane's controls
froze and it refused to respond to our commands.  We didn't know what to
do, so we got on the radio."

:British Airway's mechanics were equally dumbfounded and decided to call
French mechanics.  France's Aerospatial is the prime contractor for the
aircraft.  'The French were totally rude to us,' stated an unnamed
BA mechanic. 'They stated the problem was our fault and that "the pasty
little Englishman probably had too many meat pies and Guiness".'  'It wasn't
until we told them that Jerry Lewis was aboard the flight that they became
concerned.'

"French mechanics traced the problem to the ATM-6000 INS computer, which was
a modified version of a computer used in the United States for bank
transactions.  'Essentially, the INS decided that the co-pilot was trying
to rip-off someone and locked the controls.'  French authorities then assured
the English crew that the system would automatically remove the restrictions
at the start of the next banking day.  'We told them that we would be in the
sea by then!' exclaimed the frustrated copilot, Nigel Whitworth.

"A French team, headed by Bertrand Swatboutie, determined that manual control
of the plane could be re-established if a crewmember went back to the
tailcone and operated the elevators manually.  The rudder is linked by
backup cables to the cockpit and with the crewmember operating the
elevator they determined they would have enough control.  'There is nothing
wrong with ze plane,' exclaimed Swatboutie, 'that a little pinch in the
rear will not cure.  Just like a woman.  If these English souffres knew
anything about women, they would never have had to call us in the first
place.'

"The plane was able to safely land at Denver's Stapelton airport, where the
craft was repaired and all crewmember's credit histories reviewed."
================================================================
The Northrop Corporation has taken legal action to prevent a
Texas company from marketing a new product Northrop says
might be confused with its B-2 Stealth bomber.

The product: Stealth Condoms.

The slogan?  They'll never see you coming.

Stealth condoms come in packages shaped like the bomber.
They are $5 for a package of three; one red, one white,
one blue.  Also there's the matter of [the owner's]
voice mail message, "Howdy, this is John.  Me and the
rest of the Stealth test pilots are out right now . . ."

[The owner] says he will fight to keep his company and name.
He feels he's got the better product:  "We offer a heck of a lot
more protection than the Stealth bomber, at a lot less cost."
================================================================
      Sue and Bob, a pair of tightwads, lived in the midwest, and had
been married years.  Bob had always wanted to go flying.  The desire
deepened each time a barnstormer flew into town to offer rides.  Bob
would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."

      The years went by, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so
he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at
least watch.  And once he got there the feeling become real strong.  Sue
and Bob started an argument.  The Pilot, between flights, overheard,
listened to their problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you
guys up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if one
of you makes one sound, you pay ten dollars."

      So off they flew.  The Pilot doing as many rolls and dives as he
could. Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling
out of the dive at just the very last second.  Not a word.  Finally he
admitted defeat and went back the field.

      "I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"

      "Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars
is ten dollars!"
================================================================
I heard this from my brother, who is a Search and Rescue pilot at Canadian
Forces Base Bagotville, Quebec.  It's an apocryphal story that allegedly
happened late one night during bad weather, as heard over the tower radio:

Helicopter Pilot: "Roger, I'm holding at 3000 over <such-and-such> beacon".

Second voice: "NO!  You can't be doing that!  _I'm_ holding at 3000 over
that beacon!"

(brief pause, then first voice again): "You idiot, you're my co-pilot."
================================================================
A tower controller at a nameless airport in the southeast had a reputation for screwing up the most routine things...

Me: xxxxx ground, Tiger 45210, South ramp, taxi, VFR to Charlotte 5500'.

Gnd: Tiger 210 taxi.. wind... upon departure... standby for squawk.

[we taxi about 20 feet]

Gnd: 210, say altitude.

Me: 210 is at 1048', climbing to 5500'

Gnd: 210! [starting to sound annoyed] ...uh... [sounding less annoyed] ...roger.
================================================================
I was inbound from a nearby airport in a Tomahawk, while at the same time our other Tomahawk was inbound from the practice area. We called up almost at the
same time the same distance from the airport.

Twr: 591, traffic off your left is another Tomahawk.
591 (me): 591 has the traffic in sight.
Twr: 436, traffic off your right is another Tomahawk.
436: 436 has the traffic.

[brief pause while the controller figures out that we're the same distance
from the airport, going the same speed, on nearly parallel courses.]

Twr: You guys just want to fight it out amongst yourselves?

591: You go ahead, Sam.
436: Nah, I got Rodney under the hood; we'll make a wide pattern.
591: Ok. Tower, 591 will be number 1.
================================================================
A little story that was told to me by somebody, but I forget who.
(I hope I didn't get it from the net, but I am reasonably sure I didn't).
In the middle of the night, over the radio during a quiet period

A/C	I'm fucking bored!

F/S	Last A/C transmitting please identify yourself

A/C	I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!
================================================================
Student Naval Aviator (SNA) flying in back on an instrument hop, very lost, 
very flustered, inadvertently keys XMIT instead of ICS to tell Instructor
Pilot (IP) he is less-than-optimally situationally aware:

SNA:  (broadcasts to world)  "Sir, I'm all fucked up."
Whiting TWR:  "Aircraft using obscenity, identify yourself."
(short pause)
IP:  "My student said he was fucked up; he didn't say he was stupid."
================================================================
*Many* commercial aircraft are stacked up waiting for approach to O'Hare Int'l,
ATC has inflicted numerous delays, and some planes are already 1-2 hours late.
The WX is good, it's just that there is a traffic bottleneck somewhere.  Pilots,
passengers, crew are all getting quite frustrated and angry.

ATC:  "All aircraft holding, expect 20 minutes additional delay."
Unknown A/C:  "Ahhh . . . bullshit!"
ATC:  "Aircraft making last transmission, identify yourself."
(silence)
ATC:  "Aircraft making last transmission, identify yourself immediately!"
(silence)
ATC:  "Aircraft using 'bullshit' in last transmission, identify yourself.
      American 411, was that you?"
American 411:  "Approach, American 411: negative on the 'bullshit,' sir."
NW 202:  "Approach, NW 202: negative on the 'bullshit.'"
Delta 55:  "Approach, Delta 55: negative on the 'bullshit.'"
NW 33:  "Approach, NW 33: we have a negative on that 'bullshit.'"

   . . . and so on, right through the entire pattern.
================================================================
I am afraid that I have to blame Alice Dunsmuir for this one.  She
was the occasional secretary and booking agent for Fat Moose.  One
passanger was very worried about getting on an airplane that had a
bomb on board.  The arguement that this was less than a one in a million
chance really was not working.  So Alice suggested that the passanger
carry a bomb on board, for the chance of getting on an airplane with
two bombs on board was so small as to be almost never.
================================================================
[The following Dave Barry column showed up on the Stanford BBoard
via some circuitous route.]

Nervous?  Hah!  NERVOUS?!  Forget it!  I am not the least tiny little BIT
nervous about engaging in air travel these days!!

Why even as I write these words, I am boldly sitting in a jet-powered
commercial airplane, and I am cool as a cucumber.  This is because we are
on the ground at the famous Atlanta airport, which means we will all be
dead from starvation long before we take off, because there are 1,450
aircraft ahead of us, including a number of biplanes still awaiting
clearance to participate in World War I.

Sitting next to me are two pilots whose flight was canceled.  I am not
making this up.  They work for Eastern Airlines, one of a growing group of
airlines that, as far as I can tell, do not actually own any airplanes.
What they own is a large, modern and superbly maintained fleet of excuses
for why your flight has been canceled.  It's a real thrill to watch the
gate crews for these airlines swing into action as departure time
approaches:

"Ladies and gentlemen," the gate agent proudly announces, "the excuse for
canceling Flight 219 is now arriving on our computer screen."  Right on
time!

The aspiring passengers cluster around and watch with nervous excitement as
the gate agent frowns at the computer, then says:

"Flight 219 has been canceled because of . . .

(Dramatic pause)

" . . . MAYONNAISE IN THE GYROSCOPE!"

Ha ha!  A new one!  What will they think of next?  The aspiring passengers,
shaking their heads in wonderment at how far commercial aviation has come
in just their own lifetimes, wander off to look for a working vending
machine.

Not that I am complaining about being stuck on the ground.  No, because the
aviation industry is operating under a new policy called "deregulation,"
under which anybody who can produce two forms of identification is allowed
to operate an airline, and alarming things can happen to the occasional
flight that actually becomes airborne, as evidenced by recent news reports
of planes whose engines were turned off when they were not in direct
personal contact with the ground; planes taking off without important
mechanical parts such as wings; planes bound for Lexingoton, Ky., but
landing, due to navigational error, on the Lost Continent of Atlantis; etc.

But what really bothers me is the pilots.  When I was a boy, all the pilots
were much older than I am, but in recent years there has been a disturbing
trend -- you may have noticed this -- toward pilots MY OWN AGE.   I happen
to be my own age, and I would never place a person such as myself in a
position of responsibility.  I live in constant fear that one day I'm going
to get on an airplane, and there in the cockpit, wearing a uniform and
frowning at the instruments, will be somebody I went to high school with,
somebody like Billy Kirkwood, who once, at the Halloween Dance, on purpose,
set fire to his own hair.

And let's not even TALK about what happens to luggage.  I'm going to have a
little sticker made up: YOU CAN CHECK MY LUGGAGE WHEN YOU PRY MY COLD, DEAD
FINGERS OFF THE HANDLE.  Everybody feels this way.  Everybody carries
everything on board.  You see people stuffing Barcaloungers into the
overhead racks.

TRUE ANECDOTE: Recently the remains of Pvt. Eddie Slovik, the only American
executed for desertion during World War II, were supposed to be flown via
TWA from New York, N.Y., to Detroit, Mich., so naturally they wound up in
San Francisco, Calif.  This really happened.  Fortunately somebody managed
to track Pvt. Slovik down before he earned a Frequent Flier bonus trip to
the Far East.

Meanwhile, here in the Atlanta airport, we are getting our Safety Lecture.

"In the unlikely event that we make it as far as a body of water before we
crash," the flight attendant is saying, "you can use your complimentary
snack to repel sharks."

Next to me, the Eastern pilots -- one of whom is, no question about it,
YOUNGER than I am -- are looking at the little safety card from the
barf-bag pocket, and they are LAUGHING at it.  This is the truth.  I ask
them what is so funny, and they point to the diagram of the plane floating
perkily on top of the water, like a giant inflatable pool toy, while the
passengers alertly rescue themselves.

"You mean the plane won't do that?" I ask.

"Listen," one of them says.  "This plane floats about as well as a boat
flies."

Finally, days later, we take off.  The pilot is talking on the intercom.
"Folks," he is saying, "on behalf of your entire flight crew, let me just
say that I am setting fire to my hair."

I hope the beverage cart gets here soon.
================================================================
A friend of a friend, who is an airline copilot, told the
following stories about a captain with whom he often flew.
This guy was an excellent pilot, but not real good at making
passengers feel at ease.

For example, one time the airplane in front of him blew a tire
on landing, scattering chunks of rubber all over the runway.
He was aked to hold while the trucks came out and cleaned up.
His announcement:

	Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid there will be a
	short delay before our arrival.  They've closed the
	airport while they clean up what's left of the last
	airplane that landed there.
================================================================
Then there was the time they were flying through turbulence.
Some of the passengers became alarmed at how much the wings
were bending in the rough air and one of the flight attendants
relayed that message to the captain.  His announcement:

	Ladies and gentlemen, I've been informed that some
	of you have noticed our wings bending in the turbulence.
	In fact, the flight attendant told me that the wing
	tips are bending as much as ten feet in the bumps.
	Well, that's perfectly normal; there's nothing to
	worry about.  Our wings are designed to bend as much
	as thirteen feet at the tips and, as you can see,
	we're nowhere near that yet.
================================================================