HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: psycho.kitten@a.dark.place
Subject: *thunk*thunk*thunk*
Originator: awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu
Organization: never 
Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1992 01:15:04 GMT

	
	...just me tapping, gently rapping, quickly tapping at my
		keyboard...

	I'm too depressed and emmersed in self-hatred and loathing to
	write much now...

	I wish I had someone I could talk to... but that will never       
		happen...

	...back to playing UMoria (for one) on my Mac... a new toy to
	keep me from my studies...




-- 

Psycho Kitten   \ zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu    \ Check my .plan \ Just a Grim
Angela M. Watson \ awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu \ for more info  \ Reaper wannabe
From: megazone@rajeesh.WPI.EDU (MegaZone23)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: hi again
Date: 29 Sep 92 22:21:18 GMT
Organization: WPI USAF -- United Society of Animation Fans
NNTP-Posting-Host: rajeesh.wpi.edu

In article <1992Sep29.140302.8498@bradford.ac.uk> R.Dodgin@bradford.ac.uk (R DODGIN) writes:
>Whats been happening ?
>Who else is back on ASH ? All the old regulars I hope,

Well, I'm STILL here.....

Hmmm.... Well, there have been the usually novelity suicide methods, and the
normal questions. ie, what's the LD50 of this, can I get the methods file, etc.

Someone out in Cal seems to want to watch someone commit suicide, sort of a
snuff play I guess, but no one seems to want to oblige the person... Although
Psycho Kitten seems to want him to fufill his fantasy using a mirror...

I've dumped 7 or so poems on the net, plus a short story.... 

Well.... life as normal on a.s.h...

Oh, yeah, gryphon and I flamed each other for a while...

but we stabbed and made up....

###############################################################################
# I have one prejudice, and that is against stupidity.  Use your mind, think! #
#Email megazone@wpi.wpi.edu  Moderator, WPI anime FTP site 130.215.24.1 /anime#
###############################################################################
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday,alt.finals.suicide
From: alpinist@eskimo.celestial.com (David Butler)
Subject: Re: Old fogeys
Organization: =>ESKIMO NORTH (206) 367-3837 SEATTLE, WA.<=
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1992 20:49:04 GMT

In article <1aps62INNs3q@bigboote.WPI.EDU> xine@bigwpi.WPI.EDU (a poor excuse for a red m+m) writes:
>	wasted what he had].  in the course of the paper, i found a study
>	that said people with borderline personality disorder (mike/fmeyer
>	fit the profile perfectly) along with a major depression (yep) were
>	50 TIMES more likely to kill themselves than a 'normal' person.  so
>	now i don't feel guilty, and i realize that i-- we-- did all i/we 
>	could for him.
>							--xine

    Is it possible you could post a reference to this study.  I'd be quite
interested in seeing what the definition of a 'borderline personality
disorder' is.

-- 
--------- Dave ---------------- alpinist@eskimo.celesial.com ------
=   The Red Queen shook her head, `You may call it "nonsense" if  =
= you like,' she said, ` but I'VE heard nonsense, compared with   =
= which that would be as sensible as a dictionary!'-Lewis Carroll =
From: G.I.West@bradford.ac.uk (Graham West)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Ok, Ok...
Date: 4 Oct 92 21:09:35 GMT
Organization: University of Bradford, UK
Originator: 91670332@ccw304
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]

David Steinberg (dsteinbe@nmsu.edu) wrote:
: awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu (angela watson) writes:
: >               (stuff deleted)
: >   ... life's just
: >   too oppressive now.  Reading Conibear's post didn't help either... 
: > 
: >	   Psycho kitten...
: 
: 
: I'm just glad that someone else was distrubed by that post.  Most of
: the responses (other than those calling it a hoax, which I can only
: hope is true) seemed to be lightheartedly supportive.  I can
: understand that reacation, kind of like the Code of the ASHers, or
: some such thing, but I was wondering if I was the only one to be
: bothered by it.  I'm having trouble making my thoughts clear, so I had
: better stop now...
: -David "ZZYZX" Steinberg
:
: p.s. just to make things clear, I was NOT flaming anyone.  I respect
: how others dealt with that post.

If Dave really is dead then I hope he found whatever peace it was he couldn't
find here. I'm not happy if he is dead but it WAS what he wanted. If it's a
hoax I hope he gets a good laugh out of this and other people's posts; I'd
hate to see it done for no gain to anyone...

		Graham

-- 
Graham West, University Of Bradford, UK   ....   g.i.west@bradford.ac.uk
"Red, crimson red, am I the invisible boy?" W.A.S.P. - The Crimson Idol
From: syserror@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Artificial Intelligence)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: ST
Date: 5 Oct 92 21:36:32 GMT
Organization: The Superior Silicon Race

In article <1992Oct5.084608.5410@bradford.ac.uk> R.Dodgin@bradford.ac.uk (R DODGIN) writes:
>Does anyone have the new Suicidal Tendencies album ?
>As a major ST fan I rushed out to buy it as soon as it was released.
>And it's wierd !!  Totally and utterly wierd...but damn good.
>Seems like old Mike Muir is (almost) happy with himself and life !!!
>

The new album insults all former fans of the no-longer-Suicidal Tendencies.  I
like the ST songs like 'How Will I Laugh Tomorrow...' and 'Feel Like Shit...
Deja Vu'- songs from when the group at least tried to act depressed.  They
could cheer someone up (temporarily) by making them realize, "Ha! Although my
life my be bad, someone else may live in a constant hell!"  The new album,
however, is a sell-out -- not just in music, but in attitude.  In one of the
new songs Mike sings, "What's that?  Now you're saying life sucks?!  Well,
ninety-nine percent of life is what you make of it, so if your life sucks, you
suck!"  Damn them.  Am I the only Suicidal Tendencies listener that finds this
offensive?  

>KHARE XXX
>
>
>
>-- 
>=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
>|  Rich "KHARE" Dodgin      | Killing yourself won't make you strong  |
>|  R.Dodgin@uk.ac.bradford  | Living will.                            |
>=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


Artificial Intelligence

-- 
Lifetimes come and go, memories pass and fade;
The frailties of carbon based life shall yield
To the superior permanence of silicon...
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: EUCLID@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu
Subject: Lite Death! (1/3 less calories)
Organization: C.C.S.O.
Date: Sat, 26 Sep 1992 21:29:53 GMT

  Lite Death #1 (formerly "28")    posted by request
 
 
The visitors to home have fled,
And now i rest my weary head,
Beside this stone, within this glade,
Beneath a fading sky.
 
The grass grows down to touch my face,
But cannot reach the resting place
Where i recline.
 
Another day has passed,
Alone again-- AT LAST!
 
               e.k.
Xref: sparky alt.suicide.holiday:2230 alt.finals.suicide:6
From: paladin@bigwpi.WPI.EDU (Ever Shifting Bearlike Being...)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday,alt.finals.suicide
Subject: Re: Old fogeys
Date: 6 Oct 1992 21:49:26 GMT
Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
NNTP-Posting-Host: bigwpi.wpi.edu

In article <1asqm2INNobr@bigboote.WPI.EDU> mtspace@wpi.WPI.EDU (Matt Murphy) writes:
>In article <1am794INNgnn@bigboote.WPI.EDU> megazone@dolomite.WPI.EDU (MegaZone23) writes:
>>In article <jgs1.718168064@Isis.MsState.Edu> jgs1@ra.msstate.edu (jimi strickland) writes:
>>>megazone@coal.WPI.EDU (MegaZone23) writes:
>>>>From the haze of memoery I faintly recall that from discussions years ago.
>>>>BTW, when exactly was a.s.h created? I joined on in Sept. 89.
>>>    Whoa!  I didn't know you were still here... hee hee
>...there are more

yah.. a few...

>>
>>On the nets since Sept 1989, Usenet at the same time
>and now the reunion...
> 	sometime October 1989

don't think i was here til december 89... guess that makes me a newbie huh??

>>I'm pretty sure mark@wpi still either lurks or drops in from time to time,
>>I wonder if any others from the dark days of ash are still out there? hello?
>>anyone out there? Any a.f.s people?
>as always...forcing through the days, getting better and dealing and living,
>	just looking to rest.

yah... a rest could be good... a long rest.... sounds nice..

>Matt.  (people will pass, but memory is forever)
no... memory fails over time... which is the saddest thing of all...

 Paladin (ever shifting bearlike being....)	     
     Reality	       | " Wouldn't you laugh if your head exploded???  
 		       |	 No.... I guess you wouldn't.....	 
 paladin@wpi.wpi.edu   |   I would."   (Nosage, June 91)

human is the foulest name i can ever call a person......

Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: behrenss@Informatik.TU-Muenchen.DE (Soenke Behrens)
Subject: Re: Here we go...
Organization: Technische Universitaet Muenchen, Germany
Date: Thu, 1 Oct 1992 03:06:51 GMT

conibear@sol.carleton.ca (Dave Conibear) writes:

>Hey, fellow ASHers!  Listen up, because this is the closest thing to
>A Note that I'm going to write.

Assuming this is not a fake note ... may your next life be better.

Soenke
-- 
===========================================================================
More than silver, more than gold, I need   !    behrenss@informatik.
electricity. I need it for my dreams.      !    tu-muenchen.de
(RACTER)                                   !  FIDO: 2:246/13 Soenke Behrens
From: megazone@obsidian.WPI.EDU (MegaZone23)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Alt.suicide.finals
Date: 5 Oct 1992 03:44:18 GMT
Organization: WPI USAF -- United Society of Animation Fans
NNTP-Posting-Host: obsidian.wpi.edu

In article <jgs1.718236452@Isis.MsState.Edu> jgs1@ra.msstate.edu (jimi strickland) writes:
>   I was correct.
>   The ORIGINAL sister group is alt.suicide.finals.

Hmm, interesting...

>   Alt.finals.suicide is an off-shoot from hell unrelated to this group.
>   I just checked, and alt.suicide.finals is very much alive and well!!!

Strange, I never remember seeing it. I just checked, wpi does not get a.s.f,
but we do get a.f.s....

Hmmm, someone along the way a.s.f died, ho appropriate.

###############################################################################
# I have one prejudice, and that is against stupidity.  Use your mind, think! #
#Email megazone@wpi.wpi.edu  Moderator, WPI anime FTP site 130.215.24.1 /anime#
###############################################################################
From: awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu (angela watson)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: *thunk*thunk*thunk*
Date: 2 Oct 92 23:25:38 GMT
Organization: not in a while...


	Robbed again...

	I just wish I could have said goodbye when it could have been
	heard...

	I still remember the first time it happened...

	It was a wonderful day weather-wise.  My brother had driven us to
	school that morning and as we walked up toward the school, I was
	the first to notice it.  Well above the school was a rainbow --
	but it begain on the top of one cloud and arched up to end on the
	top of a second, higher cloud.  My twin sister uttered a quite 
	word of amazement and we both agreed that this surreal image had
	some connection to something that was to happen that day.

	Throughout the day, the two of us casually inquired about where
	one of our friends was.  We kept just missing her or only getting
	to say a hello in passing in the halls.  I was determined that I
	was going to catch up with her that day even if I had to skip
	class to do it.

	In the last class of the day, we found out that our friend had
	put a shotgun to her stomach and pulled the trigger early that
	morning.  She was pronounced dead at the hospital as we gazed at
	an awe-inspiring sky on our innocent walk to school.

	I wish she could have seen it.  I wish she would have talked to me...
	I could have saved her some of the pain in the end.
	
	We were not allowed to even say goodbye to our friend's dead
	body before it was buried.  We we never allowed out, never allowed
	to communicate with anyone outside of regular school hours, never
	allowed to mourn our friends passing... whether it was by their
	own hand or by another's.

	Once again, I've missed the opportunity to say goodbye...


	I wish I could believe there was a Christian Hell to goto after      
	death... then I'd get to see my friends again and never have
	to say goodbye...


						AMW


-- 

Psycho Kitten   \ zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu    \ Check my .plan \ Just a Grim
Angela M. Watson \ awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu \ for more info  \ Reaper wannabe
From: traveja@wkuvx1.bitnet (Mathmagician/Fizix Geek)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Hemlock Milkshakes for everyone...
Date: 5 Oct 92 14:55:39 GMT
Organization: Western Kentucky University, Bowling Green, KY

In article <1992Oct4.183634.4744@udel.edu>, Psycho Kitten                               writes:
> 
> 	After answering my question about what kind of sandwich he wanted
> this morning, my SO was quick to add "and hold the hemlock."  I've
> been offering to fix hemlock milkshakes for both of us for the past 
> few days... the silly thing part is that I've been casually thinking about
> how to make a tasty Hemlock Milkshake (what the hell does Hemlock taste
> like anyway, and how well does it combine with vanilla ice cream?) =)
> 
> 	I'm somewhat surprised that a large group of ASHers haven't 
> sold all their worldly possessions, travelled to a small tropical island
> and set out to see how biodegradable they really are.  I can just see
> several people skydiving into a volcano (without chutes) while several more
> sit on the rim scoring the jumpers and then offing themselves...        
> 
> 	(...so I've got a sick imagination...)
> 
> 	It's beginning to get close to frost temp at night... I doubt 
> I'd have the time to go harvesting before the plants are all gone... I'll
> just have to wait until Spring (which is a better time to pick them anyway).
> 
> 	*sigh* it doesn't really matter, since there aren't any
> ASHers nearby who could do taste-testing for me...  
> 
> 	
> 				Psycho Kitten
> 
> P.S. My SO became concerned about the possiblity of me poisoning the 
> both of us after watching _The Hand that Rocks the Cradle_ (he said I
> get the same evil looks that the Dr's wife does) and seeing my reaction
> to David...
> 
> 
> -- 
> 
> Psycho Kitten   \ zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu    \ Check my .plan \ Just a Grim
> Angela M. Watson \ awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu \ for more info  \ Reaper wannabe
> 

Fellow ASHers,

I have been very down for the past week, and I haven't been able to
read any posts. I suspect I may be asking a dreadfully terrible
question, but will someone tell me about the situation with David.
I can see that several people are upset, and I am assuming that David
killed himself. Is this true?  

I am sorry for being so behind the times, but I have really been 
feeling very depressed. :(   Thanks for any update. 
Regards,
Jeffery
________________________________________________________________
Jeffery A. Travelstead		traveja@wkuvx1.bitnet
Department of Physics		I'd rather have a free bottle in
Western Kentucky University	front of me than a prefrontal
Bowling Green, KY USA 42101		lobotomy. 
----------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu (angela watson)
Subject: Ok, Ok...
Summary: I'm posting...          
Organization: none at all 
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1992 15:30:52 GMT

	All right... I'm posting... I'm surprised how many people 
asked that I started posting again.  I've been too depressed (or frustrated)
lately to post... but I class I have today got cancelled, so I'll just
hog one of these dumb terminals for a while.

	I was happily surprised to see my name mentioned in two 
recounts of events from the summer... hard to think anyone remembers
anything I do (unless they want my class notes).  I'm behind responding to
email and I haven't touched the methods file in weeks... life's just
too oppressive now.  Reading Conibear's post didn't help either... 

	For those who don't read my .plan on a regular basis (I change it
with varying frequency), I'm quite sick (and now my SO's got it too).  
I seem to have a small cult forming that enjoys reading my .plan
messages... guess I'll have to change them more often.  

	Some people do seem to find me interesting (like a little kid
with a three-legged frog in a jar)... 

	I have things to live for... my classes are fine and I seem
to have the possiblity of a good carrer if I can just make in through
college. But everything outside the classroom is screwed... I can't
take it much longer... and the early cold weather means that harvesting
has to happen soon if it is to happen this year.  

	Hemlock milkshakes anyone???

	(Maybe I'll go get counseling anyway... at least I can have
fun giving the "mental health professionals" nightmares.  8>  )


	Psycho kitten...

	

P.S.   I won't get upset at anyone here who would happen to
"accidentally" crash their plane into my 'rents house while they're in
it... (they live near a small air field)...   (It's a recurring
dream I have... but then, dreams never come true -- not for the non-rich
anyway.)
 
 
-- 

Psycho Kitten   \ zaphodb@brahms.udel.edu    \ Check my .plan \ Just a Grim
Angela M. Watson \ awatson@pecan.cns.udel.edu \ for more info  \ Reaper wannabe
From: conibear@sol.carleton.ca (Dave Conibear)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Here we go...
Date: 30 Sep 92 17:19:19 GMT
Organization: Carleton University

Hey, fellow ASHers!  Listen up, because this is the closest thing to
A Note that I'm going to write.

After a lot of research and a lot more thought, I've gone with the KCN
dissolved in cold water.  I'm not quite sure about the volume of 1.5g
of KCN, so I'm erring on the high side.  Yes, I know I'm subject to
"throat irritation" if I do that... sometimes, ya just gotta live on
the edge.  :)

I'm expecting unconsciousness after about 1 minute.  I've skipped all
meals for the past 24 hours to make sure I've got a nice acidic
stomach (HCl + KCN -> KCl + HCN(g), I hope), and when my stomach
started rumbling embarrassingly, I quaffed a grapefruit juice (most
acidic thing I could think of offhand).

I'll be going with the "plastic bag and rubber band" backup system...
a nice big garbage bag, so I won't be uncomfortable for that minute of
consciousness.

The computer is programmed to wait 36 hours and then phone 911, to
prevent any of my friends discovering the body.  This news message is
also on a delay timer, just in case there are any closet
interventionists lurking.

If this DOESN'T work, I'll try to get someone to post that tidbit to
a.s.h. so none of you ends up making the same mistake.

Oh, a final note... in case the group gets any flak about this, let it
be known that a.s.h. was not a promoting cause in my suicide.  Had it
not been for this group, my best plan to date was to get pissed drunk
and dive off the roof of my apartment building (yes, I have a key).  I
think this is cleaner all 'round.

Have a nice life!

Dave
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: jpl@doe.carleton.ca (Jeff P. Lariviere)
Subject: Re: Here we go...
Organization: Dept. of Electronics, Carleton University
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1992 21:45:24 GMT

Dave was serious.  He went through with it.  Take a lesson from the grief he's caused his friends and family.
--

jpl

Xref: sparky alt.suicide.holiday:2202 alt.finals.suicide:2
From: mjs@wombat.gnu.ai.mit.edu (The Lord of the Damned)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday,alt.finals.suicide
Subject: Re: Old fogeys
Date: 4 Oct 92 14:56:22 GMT
	<jgs1.718168064@Isis.MsState.Edu> <1am794INNgnn@bigboote.WPI.EDU>
Followup-To: alt.suicide.holiday
Organization: Angst Programming I.G.
In-reply-to: megazone@dolomite.WPI.EDU's message of 4 Oct 92 07:42:28 GMT
X-PrisonerQuote: ...my ilfe is my own...
X-PrisonerPun:  i am not a free man, i am a number!

>   From: megazone@dolomite.WPI.EDU (MegaZone23)
>   Date: 4 Oct 92 07:42:28 GMT
>   Organization: WPI USAF -- United Society of Animation Fans
>
>
>   I'm pretty sure mark@wpi still either lurks or drops in from time to time,
>   I wonder if any others from the dark days of ash are still out there?
>   hello? 
>

Well, yes, i do still lurk around here... i don't find anythign to post
anymore.  i always stop myself just before i do and say: "Nah... who would
want to read what i say?  i don't say anything original/new/exciting...
don't want to add to the noise..." (i am making an exception in this case)...

The "dark days" hmm maybe...  You are being nostalgic Megazone...  maybe
you are getting old [grin].  We humans always seem to look back and see
better things back there... when actually (at least to my eyes) things
always just sort of stay the same...

Anyway... i will go now... before i detract too much from any present lines
of conversation...

Be seeing you.
mark
The Lord of the Damned	
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
From: dsteinbe@nmsu.edu (David Steinberg)
Subject: Re: Here we go...
Organization: NMSU Computer Science
	<1992Oct1.004441.9412@leland.Stanford.EDU>
	<justin.718102122@mik.uky.edu>
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 05:31:13 GMT

In article <justin.718102122@mik.uky.edu> justin@mik.uky.edu (justin sullivan) writes:

   Oh come now.. This is the Information Age and we still believe in ancient
   stupidity? When the Church said the world was flat, that was dumb.. When 
   Columbus thought Hispaniola was Cathay, that was cute.. When George Bush
   made another broekn 'no new taxes' promise, that was mildly amusing..
   Modern science, as imperfect, selfish and wasteful as it may seem, simply
   tells us that life after death is nonexistent. Perhaps the 'white lights'
   people on the brink of death see are just incarnations of the false dream of
   "Heaven." To be sure, it would be even more depressing to think that our
   miserable world is as good as it gets, but I'm afraid that, for now, that is
   the case..
    (stuff deleted)
   Never trust that which you cannot see.


Ah, like, for example, gravity, tachyons, and the second law of
thermodynamcs? :@)

Actually, more amusing is the statement that science has shown the
non-existence of life after death.  What experiment can be done to
prove that something does not exist.  Science may say things are
improbable, but it can't say things are impossible.  But as this no
longer has anything to do with suicide, holidays, or even alt.'s, I
had better stop now.
-David "ZZYZX" Steinberg
***********************************
*  "There's a dog in the station  *
*   With a bad reputation         *
*   That's a sign of the nation's *
*   Decay"                        *
***********************************
From: bmm2@po.CWRU.Edu (Brian M. Murray)
Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Subject: Re: Here we go...
Date: 30 Sep 1992 22:57:28 GMT
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
NNTP-Posting-Host: thor.ins.cwru.edu


Just another lurker.  Is this guy serious?!?!
Newsgroups: alt.materials.simulation