From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'Krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Odds and Ends...  Probable **SPOILER** warning, eventually
Date: 23 Dec 92 06:46:41 CST
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

First, a small good announcement...

I was talking with a friend of mine who is fluent in both the UNIX and Amiga
systems about odds and ends.  ASAR came up as a subject.  And the Anon servers,
and how one besides twwells.com is needed in the US.  Offhandedly I asked if he
knew of Anon server software for the Amiga.  He didn't but he volunterred to
port over APS software to the Amiga system...

So it looks like I'll probably be running yet another APS for those who want
it...  :)  (And as a direct result, my Net feed is being bumped up to 1 hop off
the Net, instead of several...)

Oh yeah, also, I just found out that one of the machines between mine and the
machine on the InterNet is losing a good portion of the messages to the bit
bucket.  :(  This problem should be fixed soon, but if someone sends something
to me and I don't respond, that's why!  (Email is working fine, just the
newsgroups are lightly skewered.)

Hmmm...  Looking over what I just typed, I should put a

*** SPOILER ***   *** WARNING ***

in about here.  (No big problems (directly), just in the safe place, looking at
some of the bigger problems I've had as a love-addict.)

At work today I was doing a *LOT* of thinking.  Didn't even realize I was
thinking about survivor stuff until after I began drawing new conclusions!

I'm not going to post the results now, because I don't have anything solid yet.
 I think there is some major piece that I'm missing, but I don't know what it
is...  But from looking at my reactions to things, I think I'm narrowing down
the gap.  (Yeah!)

And it's the holidays...  Needless to say some memories started to come back to
me.  I remember this girl (Maria) I was dating and madly in love with. 
Apparently I took it deeper than she, for I considered myself married to all
practicle purposes, then she dumped me 2 days after Xmas. (3 years ago)

And my feelings for her haven't lessened.  Sometimes I'm able to forget about
'em by applying putty to the scar she left, and then wearing a mask piece on
top of that...  It's gotten to the point where I rarely even think of the
subject, but when I do...

Last year I saw her in Febuary for the first time in about a year and a half...
 My heart went out, and I nearly broke down at the sight of her.  (At CapriCon,
for those locals who know about that Con.)  I ended up grabbing someone and
dragging him to the bar, to get me out of there, and have some company while I
had a not-so-mild breakdown.  (And my SO (of the time) was showing up the next
day!)

And I have this really big feeling that we'll bump into each other at this
Capricon...  I don't know if I can take it.  Probably, for a bunch of the
current stresses won't be there, but if it were to happen now, I'd probably not
just crack but shatter.

Driving home from work today was an experience.  One I hope I don't repeat
again...  I drive to and from this site about an average of once a week for the
last 3 years!  I could probably drive it blindfolded.

But I still managed to get LOST on the way home today.  (Figures just keep
driving streight, I gotta recognize SOMETHING!  I'm *probably* headed in the
right direction...  (As it turned out, I was exactly where I was supposed to be
on the correct road, etc.))

And then I began to zone-out while at the wheel.  I managed to keep 95% of me
there all of the way home, thankfully!

I knew something was wrong, I was over-concentrating on the minor points of
driving, rather than just doing it.  Then I went from concention to zone-out
without passing go or collecting $200...

Argh...  At any rate, I'm going to sleep now, as I am very tired, and have to
be at work in 10 hours.  (at 5pm)  There is a bunch more trying to get out, but
right now's not the time.  Tommorow, for then I'll have the time to do so...

<><><><>
Krikket (a.k.a. Doug Krick)  ---  krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us
#include<std.disclaimers>    ---  an294@anon.penet.fi
anon-1214@twwells.com        ---  anon.77@pax.tpa.com.au

 "And the Germans killed the Jews.  And the Jews killed the Arabs.
  And the Arabs killed the hostages.  And that is the news."
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery