From: steveb@cernvax.cern.ch (Steve Bougerolle)
Newsgroups: alt.peeves
Subject: Thank you for flying British Airways
Keywords: morons stupidity crowded fat people
Date: 14 Apr 92 06:11:52 GMT
Reply-To: steveb@erich.triumf.ca
Organization: CERN, Geneva, Switzerland


Why do you Brits put up with this national disgrace?

My flight to Heathrow was delayed this morning.  I can handle this, but it
did start me on a rare period of hyper-acuteness in my observations of
British Airways behaviour.

That is, I was bored.  While sitting idly I actually listened to all the
announcements the staff were making.  And you know what?  They're really
incredibly mindless.

What's worse, they lie shamelessly.  First our flight was an hour late,
then 45 minuts.  Then when we finally took off 50 minutes late the pilot
apologised for being two hous behind schedule. Later he told us we'd arrive
at Heathrow in half an hour.  Twenty minutes after that he said we'd also
arrive in half an hour.  We  landed twenty minutes later, in the end.

The ultra-polite British way they phrase things is moronic, too, when you
stop to think about it.  Example; "please be careful when opening the
overhead lockers in case a heavy bag falls out and hits somebody."  Think.
This should say "...so that a heavy bag doesn't fall out and hit somebody."
This phrasing entertained me for a good half hour with happy thoughts of
irate French passengers flinging luggage compartment doors open hoping that
they'll be the lucky ones who get to see a bag fall out.

The more astute readers will notice I haven't even discussed the flight
from Heathrow onwards.  This is where the real peeves began.

The lying started again even before we got on the plane.  They had three
separate announcements saying "this is the last call for flight BA085..."

While going to get on the plane the droid at the door decided my carry-on
was too heavy and confiscated it.  In response to my reasoned inquiries as
to why there should be a weight limit for bags small enough to fit under
the seat, what did I get?  You guessed it; more lies and evasions.

"It's not safe."
"Yes, you just said that.  But what's unsafe about it?"
"There's a limit of 5 kilos."
"Yes, you said that.  But why is there a limit?"
"Look, we're really overbooked and heavy bags aren't safe.  You'll get it
  back."
"All I want you to tell me is WHY there should be a weight limit on a
  small carry-on."

(at about this point I gave up).

Without my carry-on contents to amuse me I was forced to spend the entire
12 hours relying on in-flight entertainment.  This plane was a 747-400,
with lots of things to watch and to listen to.  But the first movie they
showed, "Defenseless" or something like that, was a confused pile of shit.
They did redeem themselves somewhat by showing a second free movie for no
apparent reason, "Fried Green Tomatoes" (an excellent film), but this still
only took up a small prt of the flight time.

In many ways the best "in-flight" entertainment was listening to the safety
lecture.  They were very earnest about it and, you know, I had the
impression that they thought all those precautions might actually do some
good if there were an accident!  The reality, of course, is that unless we
get hijacked or have an onboard fire or something any likely disaster will
result in large-scale deaths and there won't be anything we can do about it.
The lifejacket demonstration and the instructions on how to use the whistle
attached to the LJ were so incredibly ridiculous that the Portuguese guy
next to me burst out laughing.

And possibly the biggest peeve of all; the 747-400 is a nice plane to look
at, but FUCK was it ever crowded.  No leg room, no ass room, and of course
the seat in front of me was occupied by some tubbo with no manners.

But the flight's over now, and I survived, and my baggage survived.  I
think I've hit upon a new peeve; nobody here can understand me.  My west-
Canuck accent seems to have vanished somewhere.


-- 
_|\ |V| /|_  Steve Bougerolle, U. of British Columbia Physics Dept.
\  \| |/  /
 >_______<    STEVEB@TRIUMFER.BITNET
     !                                   STEVEB@ERICH.TRIUMF.CA