From: aaf0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (Andrew Aaron Feigin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: REDNECK LIST....
Date: 28 Jan 93 15:50:44 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

YOU KNOW YOU ARE REDNECK WHEN..........

>>>>>  1.  Your front porch collapses and you kill more than 6 dogs.
>>>>>  2.  You've even used lard in BED.
>>>>>  3.  You think potted meat on saltines is a HORS D' OEUVRE.
>>>>>  4.  There is a stuffed possum mounted somewhere in your house.
>>>>>  5.  You consider a six-pack & a bug zapper as quality entertainment.
>>>>>  6.  Less than half the cars you own run.
>>>>>  7.  Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling
>>>>>      the state trooper to kiss off.
>>>>>  8.  The primary color of your car is "Bondo"
>>>>>  9.  You honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive
>>>>>      tongue gestures.
>>>>> 10.  Your family tree doesn't fork.
>>>>> 11.  You've hollered "ROCK THE HOUSE, BUBBA" during a piano recital.
>>>>> 12.  Your mother has never been involved in a fist fight at a high school
>>>>>      sports events.
>>>>> 13.  You've even barbecued SPAM on the grill.
>>>>> 14.  Your neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lighting.
>>>>> 15.  Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
>>>>> 16.  The rear tires are twice as wide as your front ones.
>>>>> 17.  You consider "Outdoor Life" as deep reading.
>>>>> 18.  The diploma hanging in your den has "Trucking Institute" somewhere
>>>>>      on it.
>>>>> 19.  Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
>>>>> 20.  You've even worn a tube top to a wedding.
>>>>> 21.  You think "DOM PERIGNON" is a Mafia leader.
>>>>> 22.  Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an openin
g
>>>>>      on the lube rack.
>>>>> 23.  You think a VOLVO is part of woman's anatomy.
>>>>> 24.  You've been too drunk to FISH.
>>>>> 25.  You've had a rag for a gas cap.
>>>>> 26.  You've even used a Weed Eater inside.
>>>>> 27.  You have shackles on the rear of your car.
>>>>> 28.  Your idea of sexual foreplay is telling you female partner "GET YOUR
>>>>>      CLOTHES OFF B*TCH".
>>>>> 29.  You wear white socks with black pants and have a car with a rebel fla
g
>>>>>      in the back.
>>>>>
>>>
>>>>30. Your brother-in-law buys a new home and invites you over to help him
>>>>take the wheels off
>>>
>>>>31. You think of a family gathering as a good place to meet babes.
>>>
>>>32.  Your mother-in-law is your daughter.  (think about that a minute...)
>>
>>33.  The sign, "Say no to crack" reminds you to pull up your pants in the
>>     back.
>>
>34. You own a tricycle with a gun rack on it.
>
>35. You've ever made love in a satellite dish.
>
>36. One of your sister's educational goals is  to graduate before becomming
>         pregnant.
>
>37.  You had to open the door to turn on the light after having sex.
>***************************************************************************
>contrary to popular opinion, all rednecks are NOT married to their sisters
>and have seen a UFO.....I'm just dating myne and couldn't swear it wasn't
>a weather baloon!
>****************************************************************************
>police officer to man in truck:
>
>'scuse me sir?..do you know why i pulled you over?
>
>well..no, i don't need a cold beer, and i don't think you need another one
>either!
>
>well, sir..it's about that veeHICul yer towin'...
>
>no sir, it's not illegal to tow a boat, but we do require that it be on a
>trailer!
>
>could you ask yer friends to get out of the boat, sir?
>
>hell, i don't car if the fish are bitin'!
>you lost yer skiier a mile back!
-- 

----------------------------------
Andy Feigin                      |
Prodigy -> rwbp88d               |
aaf0@lehigh.edu                  |
aaf0@pl122.eecs.lehigh.edu       |
aaf0@cs1.cc.lehigh.edu           |
Xref: sparky rec.humor:39133 rec.humor.d:2996