HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: dkrapf@fac.com (Don Krapf)
Subject: Re: Polack joke
Organization: First Albany Corp.
Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1992 01:31:43 GMT

In article <1992Aug19.210307.10418@smartstar.com> syspb@smartstar.com (Paul) writes:
>I know some Engineers that use HP calculators.  They way you enter the
>numbers is different than most other calculators.  They call it
>RPN for Reversed Polish Notation.

Reverse Polish Notation (also know as postfix notation) and Polish Notation
(also knows as prefix notation) are so named because they were invented by
J. Lukasiewicz, a Polish mathematician.

Don
-- 
Donald E. Krapf                        | dkrapf@fac.com
Principal Software Eng.                | dkrapf@acm.rpi.edu
First Albany Corp.                     | dkrapf%acm.rpi.edu@rpi.edu
From: anton@gagme.chi.il.us (Andrzej Borowiec)
Subject: Re: American joke (Re: Polack joke ?)
Originator: anton@gagme
Organization: Gagme Public Access UNIX, Chicago, Illinois.
Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1992 17:27:54 GMT

In article <1992Aug28.214108.21131@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com> johnson@sleipnir.mnesouth.corp.mot.com writes:
>In article <johnson-270892150846@158.184.3.170>, johnson@ssvax1.ssd.loral.com (Christopher Johnson) writes:
>=)I remember many years ago MAD magazine ran "American Jokes told in Poland".
>=)
>Q:  How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
>
>A:  One!  Hahahahahaha....
>-- 




10 CIA operatives to gather intelligence outside the room.
1 Squadron of bombers to blast the entire surrounding area to hell.
1 Policeman with a sledge hammer to open the door.
1 Paratrooper to throw a grenade into the room
3 Paratroopers to machine-gun every living thing inside the room.
2 Engineers with a ladder.
1 Paratrooper who climbs the ladder, stabs and shoots the light bulb.
1 Squadron of crowd control police to pacify protesters outside
1 PAC to lobby the Congress for a new light bulb tax.
1 Bank in Bahamas to transfer the operational funds.
1 Department of Energy to purchase a light bulb at the Department of Defense
  cut-throat rate of $329.99 a pop.
2 Secretaries to shred the evidence.
1 Congressional Commission to investigate a possible cover-up.
10 Free-lance researchers to write conspiracy and cover-up books.
1 President to deny any knowledge of all that.



Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: forda@gtephx.UUCP (Andrew Ford @ AGCS, Phoenix, Arizona)
Subject: Re: Jokes about cowboys
Keywords: Slightly off-color
Organization: gte
Distribution: usa
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 17:20:18 GMT

In article <1992Aug19.174203.1239@njitgw.njit.edu>, lxf8351@hertz.njit.edu (lawrence finkel cis stnt) writes:
> In article <1992Aug18.200703.11226@ultb.isc.rit.edu> akn8257@ritvax.isc.rit.edu writes:
> >>In article <1992Aug10.215535.18095@igor.tamri.com>, kelly@igor.tamri.com (Kelly Kittell) writes...
> >> 
> >>Please mail me, or post, your jokes about cowboys, the Wild
> >>West, cows, barnyard sex, Dolly Parton, etc.
> >> 
> >>Yippie-ki-yi-thank-you!
> >> 
> >>Kelly
> >>-- 


A cowboy is out on a round up and somehow ends up stuck in quicksand.
So this cowboy starts calling for help.  Another cowboy rides up, sees
the sorry sucker and says, "Gimme a blow job and I'll pull you out."

To which the cowboy responds, "Oh, gross, no way, I'd rather die here!"

So the guy rides off.  About 10 minutes later, the cowboy is up to his
knees in quicksand when another rider hears his cries for help and
stops next to the cowyboy.

"Gimme a blow job and I'll pull you out"

"No f***ing way, I'd rather die!"

So the guy rides off.  About 10 minutes later, the cowboy is up to his
chest in quicksand when another rider hears his cries for help and
stops next to the cowyboy.

"Gimme a blow job and I'll pull you out"

"No! Absolutely not, I'd rather f***ing die!"

So the guy rides off.  About 10 minutes later, the cowboy is almost 
under the quicksand [joke teller looks up and forms a ring around his
nose and mouth with the thumb and index finger of both hands] and 
just his nose and mouth are showing.  The very desparate cowboy hears
another horse approach and starts screaming out 

"All right! all right! I'll give you a blow job, I'll do anything
you want!"

To which the last rider responds with 

[joke teller stretches one leg out in front of him and makes a 
stomping motion]
"F***ing faggot!"

[You have to see the joke told in order to really get it]
[Go ahead, stand up in your office right now and stomp the
ground while muttering "F***ing faggot!"]

-- 
"25 States allow anyone to buy a gun, strap it on, and walk down the street with
no permit of any kind: some say it's crazy.  However, 4 out of 5 US murders are 
committed in the other half of the country: so who is crazy?"   -  Andrew Ford
gtephx!forda@enuucp.eas.asu.edu  OR  !uunet!samsung!romed!enuucp!gtephx!forda
From: dsew@troi.cc.rochester.edu (David Sewell)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: American joke
Date: 3 Sep 92 17:09:21 GMT
Article-I.D.: galileo.1992Sep3.170921.14738
Organization: University of Rochester Computing Center

In <22021@nntp_server.ems.cdc.com> ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel) writes:

>|> Q: Why do Americans prefer to make love doggy style?
>|> A: So they can both watch the TV.
>|> 
>|> [ouch.]

>How-to videos??

No, Johnny Carson (R.I.P.) etc.--point being Americans can't stand to do
anything that unglues their eyes from the screen.
From: gbrown@alsvid.une.EDU.AU (Guy Brown)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: test
Date: 1 Sep 92 19:07:03 GMT
Organization: Bull World Wide Information Systems Inc.

test

-- 
GUY BROWN  Phone: (066) 866 370.          | For the first time in his life
Internet:  gbrown@alsvid.une.edu.au       | Harry was content............. 
University of New England Northern Rivers | But then he spontaneously combusted 
(Lismore) NSW Australia                   |
From: kyrie@coos.dartmouth.edu (Thomas S. Marlowe)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Christian Joke
Date: 4 Sep 92 09:44:11 GMT
Organization: Dartmouth College, Hanover, NH

loon@underdog.ee.wits.ac.za (LOON M J) writes:

>>> I was exactly referring to filth like this, anyone that can post
>>> a joke like this, I know that the person has no morals, and is
>>> willing to do anything to make a hit. I have heard religious jokes
>>> but this is cynic, calculated and out right blasphomous trying to
>>> degrade the suffering of Christ. I don't understand how all you
>>> Christians are just sitting back and allow this kind of stuff.

>If Polack jokes are allowed then this is too. I don't agree with either, 
>though. But I think cynicism is alright. There is a difference between the
>racial/religious cynic and the racist. This has all been cynicism. 

Hmm.  Are you saying that if it is left up to 
the individual, it is all right to cynically poke fun at
their beliefs (since they are decided and regard a debatable issue).

If this is the case, then if they ever proved
that homosexuality was a choice and not
genetic (*IF*) ... then it would
be all right to cynically poke fun at "fags", 
yes?

Interesting logic; interesting conclusion.

>Marc Loon <loon@underdog.ee.wits.ac.za>
>Student No: 8807871/X (just thought you'd want to know)
>University of the Witwatersrand
>Johannesburg

>Conversation: a voice competition between two people
>in which the one taking a breath is called the listener.
--
"Law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice, and that when
they fail to do this they become dangerously structured dams that block
the flow of social progress." -  Martin Luther King, Jr
------------------>Thomas.S.Marlowe@Dartmouth.edu<-----------------------
From: rybicki@uctvax.uct.ac.za
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: not a polish joke
Date: 27 Aug 92 17:32:41 +0200
Organization: University of Cape Town

Here is an invocation to be intoned under your breath as you switch the beast
on in the morning....


Our fileserver, who art on LAN
NETSERVER be thy name
Thy programmes come
Thy commands be done
In DOS, and sometimes in WINDOWS
Give us this day our daily login
And forgive us our hacking
As we forgive those who hack in our files
Lead us not into corrupt procedures
But deliver our email
For thine is the CPU, the powersource and the monitor
For ever until obsolescence

Hey, man...









> There's a hot plase with pitch forks waiting...>
-- 
 _________________________________________________________________________
|                                 |                                       |
|  Ed Rybicki                     |    Now you've got the hang of it      |
|  Dept Microbiology              | There's nothing you can't do with it  |
|  University of Cape Town        |         If you're very into it        |
|  PB Rondebosch 7700             |         You can't go wrong....        |
|  South Africa                   |                                       |
|  fax 27 21 650 4023             |              - Mad John               |
|  ed@micro.uct.ac.za             | (Ogden's Nut-Gone Flake, Small Faces) |
|_________________________________|_______________________________________|
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: ae642@yfn.ysu.edu (Kelley Miller)
Subject: Re: Christian Joke
Reply-To: ae642@yfn.ysu.edu (Kelley Miller)
Organization: St. Elizabeth Hospital, Youngstown, OH
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 03:44:46 GMT


In a previous article, rdippold@cancun.qualcomm.com (Ron Dippold) says:

>bramble@bcarhab.bnr.ca (Daniel Zlatin) writes:
>>Why was Jesus a bad hockey player...
>>He always got nailed TO the boards.
>
>There was a great thread a while back on why Jesus had to be Jewish
>(or Italian), and included:
>
>1) His mother thought he was God
>2) He thought his mother was a virgin
>3) He just wanted to be a doctor/lawyer, although he got nailed on his
>boards. 
>

I heard it this way:

1. He entered His father's business
2. He thought his mother was a virgin
3. His mother thought He was God

>
>Any more?
>-- 
>Strange; I never have any trouble with service when I'm shopping. -- K. Kong
>
-- 
*...your Friendly Neighborhood Atheist // "Peter...PETER!!  I can see    *
*      the KelleyMan:Kelley L. Miller // your house from here!"          *    
*                  ae642@yfn.ysu.edu // Jesus Christ, from the cross     *
****************Know God...No peace.  No God...Know peace.****************
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: 11mwarner@gallua.gallaudet.edu
Subject: Call for Football Jokes...
Organization: Gallaudet University
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 1992 13:53:57 GMT



Can anyone please E-mail me any football jokes they may have?  I play football
at my college and the offensive line (I'm a guard, BTW) always has someone tell
a joke during practice so the longer the better.  Thanks a lot.  

						PSYCHO

11MWARNER@gallua.gallaudet.edu

A .sig file?  Puhleeze!  I don't need those pigeon droppings at the bottom of a
post!

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: s1073863@giaec.cc.monash.edu.au (Andrew Norman)
Subject: Re: Fun with cats
Organization: Monash University, Melb., Australia.
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1992 09:39:30 GMT

syspb@smartstar.com (Paul) writes:

[stuff deleted...]

>Here's an old joke:

>How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
>Pour gasoline on him and light a match, Woof!

Here is an even older joke:

How do make a dog meow?
Put it in a freezer, and then put it through a band saw!

-------
Andrew Norman.
s1073863@giaec.cc.monash.edu.au
Monash University College Gippsland.
Churchill, Victoria, Australia.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: Mark Kovarski <kovarski@zooid.guild.org>
Subject: Rachel, the sunday school teacher.
Organization: ZOOiD BBS
Date: Wed, 2 Sep 1992 17:43:07 GMT


So Rachel, do you like fisting? So, do you dish it out on the first date?

Mark K.
Sexual Engineer, at least I think I am. 
Organization: Doctoral student, History, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 09:21:03 -0400 
From: Lori Cole <lc1r+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: Need Dan Quayle jokes...
	<1992Aug27.160743.17220@smartstar.com>

From the Philadelphia Inquirer:

Dan Quayle went to a tatoo artist and asked if he could have a red tatoo
put on his forehead.  The tatoo artist said, "Certainly -- but can I ask
why?"  Quayle responded, "Well, I met Gorbachev and asked him how he got
to be head of his country and he said [pointing to his forehead] 'you
have to have something up here.'"

Lori Cole
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com (Larry Gilmore)
Subject: Re: Big Jim Wade from Dallas, Texas
Followup-To: /dev/null
Organization: TRW Systems Engineering & Development Division, Carson, CA
Date: Mon, 24 Aug 1992 00:42:40 GMT

In article <6687@tekig7.PEN.TEK.COM> thomase@tekig5.pen.tek.com (Stan England) writes:
>There was once this cowbow who walked in to the bar
                     ^^^^^^<-------------------------------Eh?

-- 
Larry A. Gilmore             Internet: gilmore@venice.sedd.trw.com
TRW SEDD, DH1/2849
P.O. Box 6213                Phone:    (310)764-3318
Carson, CA 90746             Fax:      (310)764-3946
From: nealhd@memstvx1.memst.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: The Circle
Date: 4 Sep 92 08:55:54 -0600
Organization: Memphis State University



What with all of the serious postings on Gun Control, Religion, Partisan 
Politics, Ethnic Pride, Flames, Cascades, English Editors, Me-Too-ism, etc.,
ad nauseam, reading rec.humor is a lot like eating crawfish - so much work 
for so little reward. For those of you who prefer saltier similes, it's like 
trying to masturbate while reading the New York Times. I pity the new reader 
who signs on expecting to lighten up a rough day with a smile or two.

If you have a joke, a funny story, or something humorous to say, post it - 
PLEASE. Everything else should be e-mailed or posted to the proper newsgroup.

I don't know the source of the following allegory but I find it most 
enlightening. Draw a small 1 or 2 inch circle on a piece of paper. The inside 
of the circle is what you know and the outside is what you don"t know. 
Through education, experience, reading good literature, watching good movies 
and television, and conversing with intelligent people you can expand your 
knowledge. Draw a new 4 or 5 inch circle on the paper. The inside of this new 
circle represents your expanded knowledge. But looking at the perimeter of 
your circle of knowledge you will notice that you now have more contact with 
the unknown. In other words, the more you know, the more you realize how much 
you don't know. This is the learning experience. With it comes maturity and 
tolerance. An ignorant person simply doesn't know, but they can learn and be 
enlightened. A stupid person cannot. Which are you? The likelihood of you 
answering this question accurately depends on the size of your circle. Just 
think of the news network as a nudist camp - when you post, everyone can see 
the size of your circle.

ObJoke:

  A small boy and his dad are shopping at the supermarket. As they go
down an aisle they see a very large, fat lady. The kid says, "Dad, look at 
that huge lady!" Dad says, "Son, that is not a nice thing to say."  After
completing their selections they enter a checkout line next to 'youknowwho'.
"Dad, There's that fat lady again!" "Son, hush!" After paying the bill,
they find themselves behind the lady as they leave the store. Suddenly, her
portable phone starts beeping. So the kid yells, "Look out! Dad, she's going
to back up!"

oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo
oo1oo   Binary 4s all around. And a bit bird to you too!    oo1oo
oo1oo   ------------------------------------------------    oo1oo
oo1oo   Some people don't know the difference between a     oo1oo
oo1oo   grin and a grimace.        /s/Dennis                oo1oo
oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo oo1oo
From: lipscomb@lonestar.utsa.edu (David S. Lipscomb)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: ha 6
Date: 1 Sep 92 13:48:35 GMT
Distribution: na
Organization: University of Texas at San Antonio

This was taken from 'THE NON VIOLENT MAD'1972.  Written by Larry Siegel.
                       THE MAD AIR TRAVEL PRIMER


                                CHAPTER SIX
                                 THE FOOD

See the nice stewardesses preparing the food.
Why do they dawdle so?
Because it is not time to serve the food.
Now they are putting the food on trays.
Why are they continuing to dawdle?
Because it is still not yet time to serve it.
Oh-oh! The plane is flying into a storm.
It is bouncing up and down.
Up and down.
Up (ugh!) and down (ugh!).
Now it is time to serve.
The stewardesses always make sure
that the food is quickly distributed throughout the plane.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: bakowskr@wm-mercer.ca (Ron Bakowski)
Subject: Re: Confuscious says.......
Organization: William M. Mercer Limited, Toronto, Ontario
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 1992 13:15:29 GMT

	Confucious say: Woman who stand on head have crack-up.
Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish,alt.censorship
From: michals@fuw.edu.pl (Michal Szleper)
Subject: Re: Net.idiots
Organization: Warsaw University Physics Dept.
Date: Sat, 29 Aug 1992 12:54:44 GMT

In article <15192@umd5.umd.edu> Grig Larson writes:
>
>Here at Punkadyne Laboratories and Archives ("Where 'Get a life' takes on a
>whole new meaning..."), we have been researching the net.idiots for over
>a year.  Many of them could be cured simply by the following file.  Then
>again, with some of them it's a wonder they can type at all.
>
>MINOR GRAMMAR LESSON  (you should have learned this in 4th grade):
>------------
> (------------------- megabytes of text deleted -----------------------)
>
>One of the first things that a lot of idiots for get is the (...)

                                              ^^^^^^^
                                      Look who's speaking!


---------------------------------------------------------------------
My opinions are my opinions. Quite predictable.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Michal~ Szleper                          "All you need is love, love,
(michals@fuw.edu.pl)                      Love is all you need..."

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: s7356911@deimos.ucc.umass.edu (DYLYN)
Subject: Re: Christian Joke
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Date: Wed, 2 Sep 1992 23:36:00 GMT

In article <92246.162716HCM100@psuvm.psu.edu>, <HCM100@psuvm.psu.edu> writes...
>In article <1992Sep2.151906.16565@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com>, marios@ecs.comm.mot.com
>(mario smarduch) says:
> 
>[Soapbox removed]
> 
>>Why don't we crack jokes about Martin Luther's death, or John
>>Kennedy's death?
> 
>If John Kennedy were alive today, what would he be doing?
>Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

		What were JFK's last words?
			OUCH!!!

	(yeah, it's lame, so?)

				dylyn
>| HANS C. MASING   
>| HCM100 @ PSUVM.PSU.EDU |
" `We are not mentally unsound, Kluster-Chairman.  We will not cause you
any trouble.  We only want a quite place to finish working while God
eats our brains' "
			Bruce Sterling, "Twenty Evocations"
 dylyn (aka, d prosser) == S7356911@UCSVAX.UCS.umass.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: k_workman@csc32.enet.dec.com (KWorkman)
Subject: Re: How fat is she?
Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 02:08:00 GMT


She is SO fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo!!

-kw  (Now that's a good one!)
From: polecat!steve@cacti.mcws.fidonet.org
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: POEM , DOG ASSHOLES
Date: Thu, 03 Sep 92 10:09:33 PDT
Organization: The Wacko Family, Tujunga CA

 This was recited to me by a friend. Author unknown.

The dogs all held a meeting.
They came from near and far.
Some came by jetny,
and others came by car.
Before they were admitted
or allowed to take a look,
each dog removed his asshole,
and hung it on a hook.
Scarcely were they seated,
sister, son and sire,
when some big dirty yellow cur
rushed in and yelled out "FIRE"!
As they bolted towards the exit,
of coarse no time to look,
each dog removed an asshole
that was hanging on a hook.
This made thew awfully sore,
to have to wear an asshole
that they'de never worn before.
Thats why now-a-days
any dog will stop and swap a sniff
with any dog he meets
and any dog will stop chewing
on a nice and juicy bone
to smell of another dogs asshole,
HOPING TO FIND HIS OWN !!!!!!!!
                  Like I said, author unknown.

My apologies for bad spelling,punctuation, or form.


______________________________________________________________________________
    Steve   
          Free your mind- and the rest will follow...- en Vogue 
              Yes, I've had the odd complaint- 
                          But on the whole I've been a saint - Ursula
_______________________________________________________________________________
From: spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: The Bastard System Manager from Hell #2
Date: 1 Sep 92 10:34:22 +1200
Organization: University of Waikato Computer Centre

		      The BASTARD SYSTEM MANAGER FROM HELL #2


    So I'm interviewing for new Operators, and, as the Bastard System Manager
from Hell, I have high standards.  And as the Immediate Past Bastard Operator
from Hell, I have even higher standards.

I get the first applicant in.

"Ok" I say "I'm just going to ask you some simple questions to guage your
knowledge of Computing and Networking in relation to the Operations Field"

"Sure"

"Right.  Question One.  What's the best way to stop an individual posting
nasty articles to news?"

"Close their account"

"Good - But can you elaborate?"

"Delete all their files, Change their password to `Knobhead' and Erase any
backups of their account"

"Excellent.  What is a killfile?"

"Uh.  It's a list of usernames/topics/news items etc that you wish the news-
reader to automatically skip so you don't have to wade through rubbish"

"Uh No.  Remember I said pertaining to Operations.  A killfile is in fact a
file with a list of names of people you are going to have killed."

"Oh.  Of course."

"Never mind.  What is DCE?"

"Delete, Close and Erase"

"Good.  DTR?"

"DON'T TRY to RING.  The Operator's watchword"

"Well done.  DBMS?"

"Dont Bug My Supervisor.  Probably the most important acronym around"

"You betcha.  Ok.  A user comes to you with a complaint about another user
sending sexually explicit email messages to them.  What do you do?"

"Take a copy of the messages, close the complainant's account (by accident)
and extort money from the mailer by threatening to show their parents"

"Good.  I think you'll do nicely.  Hang onto this wire..."

"I don't think so."

"Excellent.  You passed the final test.  You start tommorrow.  Please leave
by that door so as not to disturb the other applicants."

BZZZZZEEEERETTT!

Electrified Door Handle.  Gets them every time.  I think it's the "Complaints
Dept" sign that draws them to it like moths to a globe...

I push the body out onto the fire escape.

"NEXT!"
-- 

              /\                                                             
   /\    /\/\/  \/\/\      /\  /\/\        /\                /\            /\  
__/  \/\/            \/\/\/  \/    \/\/\/\/  \  /\/\/\/\/\/\/  \/\      /\/  \ 
A 117 part secret message from Simon Travaglia\/spt@waikato.ac.nz \/\/\/
  /\          /\University of Waikato, Private Bag, Hamilton, New Zealand
\/  \    /\/\/  \/\/\      /\  /\/\Ph: 064-7-838-4008/\  /\  /\    /\      /\ 
     \/\/            \/\/\/  \/    \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  \/  \/  \/\/  \/\/\/  \ 
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
                                        -- Mark Twain
Organization: Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA