HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey)
Subject: Fuck Off And Die
Reply-To: aaron@space.ualberta.ca
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 22:48:13 GMT

[In response to one of my posts soliciting four-word combinations, gypsy
favoured me with the response

fuck
off
and
die

Now I'm not so clueless as to assume that she seriously meant that as a real
challenge for me.  But I decided, what the hell, and wrote a story for it
anyway.]


"Fuck," Katina said, waving her arms to fend off the cloud of insects.  "Do you
have any Off?  These bugs are really getting to me."

Gascon rummaged in his backpack and pulled out a spray-bottle.  "'And it back
to me when you're fini, cherie."

Katina grabbed it and sprayed it on her neck and arms.  Instantly the bug swarm
thickened.  The insects started landing on her skin, and soon formed a visible
layer.  She opened her mouth to scream, and more crawled inside, until she
could only gag.  Soon her skin was totally covered, and more were crawling
under her clothes.  She collapsed to the ground and twitched a few times before
lying still.

"Oops, wrong bottle," Gascon said complacently.  "'Ow I could 'ave made such a
easy mistake.  I could just die."  He picked up the bottle, which Katina had
dropped, and continued through the forest.

A few minutes later, the insects started to leave again.  There was nothing
left of Katina but bone and plastic anyway.

--
---Alfvaen(a.k.a. Nysinra, rot13 Psycho)
"So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts
 what's so amazing about really deep thoughts"  -- Tori Amos
Current Album--T'Pau
Current Read--Henry David Thoreau:Walden and Other Writings
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Headlines We'd Like to See
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 20:31:38 GMT


BUSH TO HAVE SURGERY TO REMOVE HAMSTER FROM ANUS

Clinton calls "Family Values" of such Surgery Questionable


Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:26118 alt.politics.bush:1684 alt.politics.clinton:2004
From: psg+@pitt.edu (Paul S Galvanek)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.politics.bush,alt.politics.clinton
Subject: Re: Nationalized Health Care: Efficiency & Compassion
Date: 15 Aug 92 14:42:52 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: University of Pittsburgh

In article <1992Aug12.212722.26234@cco.caltech.edu> anne@cco.caltech.edu (Anneliese Lilje) writes:
>
>Oh man! THis is ridiculous. BOTH the white and black IM Rate is HIGHER
>in the U.S. than in Canada. It is also higher than several other
>industrialized countries. There are "poor" people in Canada as well (white
>and black and brown). If blacks here in the U.S. had access to a goverment
>subsidized health care system, then we would NOT have to spend more
>money. Think of it this way....


You are so far off base.  Here's the reality you don't want to face.  All
the free health care int he world won't make a dent in the IM rates black
or white.  The primary cause of our higher rates boils down to DRUG and 
ALCOHOL use by pregnant women!  

You can give a woman a prenatal exam five times a week if you want but if she 
insists on using crack, or heroin or Jack Daniels through out her pregnancy
it won't solve a thing.  If, as many of the mothers of these children that
die do, women insist on taking the food stamps and trading them for drugs
there isn't a single thing a doctor can do to insure a healthy baby.

Until you address those problem you're national health care schemes will 
simply be money down the drain.  Those who advocate these programs have 
that and another hurdle to cross.  Those states that have put together medical
programs that include prenatal care have found that it was an incorrect 
assumption that lack of available care was the only reason for the high IM
rates but found that even when the care was available the highest risk 
mothers simply didn't make use of.  Those high risk chemical dependant
mothers were more interested in staying high than making a trip the doctors
for the sake of their unborn children.  Some of these programs have even
gone so far as to offer incentives such as free make overs at a salon and
movie tickets to try to lure these women into doing what right and all that
I've read of have failed. 

>life saving techniques sometimes needed for these babies. Crack babies 
>are a great example. Let's spend the 100's of dollars on pre-natal care
>and helping the mother to stay off drugs rather than the 100,000's of 
>dollars of medical care a premature crack baby requires to even
>have a chance to survive. It makes good economic sense.

Anne this makes no sense.  How is spending all the money required to
provide prenatal care to life saving techniques required to keep 
crack babies alive "good economic sense".  Where in your reasoning to
see a connection between giving prenatal care and keeping women off drugs?  

PSG
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: chaos@netcom.com (chaos)
Subject: Re: say YES to drugs
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 92 10:33:29 GMT
Organization: tyrninog and the heisenberg vortex

In article <1992Aug12.132511.25477@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson) writes:
>
>[....]  Didnt you know? All the folks on t.b. with netcom addresses
>ARE THE SAME DUDE!!! So by offering dope to Gooley, you are also offering
>it to Richh and carasso.
>
>Or, as they are truly known, Carrasogooleyrichh


and as usual, i'm not quite sure
whether to feel relieved or offended
that i was forgotten

of course, i've been posting at random
for a while, so it is easy to forget
i suppose

and then, i take a certain pride
in my invisibility
which allows me to attend a BOB
wander around making wailing sounds
with a piece of wood
and only be mentioned once
choking on a glass of water

it's all working out very well
i think

no 'dope for me, thanks
it would be disappointing
as i trip quite enough
sleeping


chaos

the SAME DUDE at netcom						yeah,	right
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: big dog party
From: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)
Organization: The Man With Ten Cats
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 02:38:18 GMT
Reply-To: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)

In article <1992Aug17.111442.23303@walter.cray.com> nelson@eastrg1.cray.com (Christine Nelson) writes:
>In article <1992Aug16.055315.21081@alembic.acs.com>, gypsy@alembic.acs.com (hippolyte) writes:
>|> 
>|> so if there were to be a t.b.b.d.p in, say,
>|> the virginia beach/williamsburg area, sometime
>|> this year, would anybody bother to come? 
>|> 
>|> m
>
>gooley would...but then, he comes whenever he can.

So who gave you the license to beat on Mark Gooley?  It's one thing to have
seen him here for years and make gentle fun of him, and quite another to be
fairly new here and kick him in the balls.  Somehow, I would never consider
someone who is isolated on the northern prairies at Cray Research to have the
last word on sexual sophisitication.

When you can post prose here of the same caliber as Mark, then come back and
tell us of your great sexual conquests.

>Christine Nelson           Going out of my mind...   
>nelson@eastrg1                     ...back in 5 minutes.
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Doesn't Cray have a FQDN?

-- 

Rick Kelly	rmk@rmkhome.UUCP	unixland!rmkhome!rmk	rmk@frog.UUCP
From: crisper@deeptht.armory.com (Crisper Than Thou)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: A 100-worder for Tolkien fans
Date: 19 Aug 92 02:21:48 GMT
Organization: The Armory (crisper@armory.com)


My first taste of Tolkien came early. First grade, I guess it was. My folks
 just got back from five weeks in the British Isles, and they brought a lot
 of presents.

"What's this?" I asked as they dropped a book and a freezer sack in front
 of me.

"This is called 'The Hobbit'," they told me, "and we picked up three pounds
 of the author at an exotic butcher shop on the West End."

I sniffed the contents of the sack. "Smells like fish," I grimaced.

"Yes," they assured me, "but it tastes like Swift!"

And indeed it did.


	--The Elder Dan
	"Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy."
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: GERMAN CLASS
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 02:25:34 GMT

In <1992Aug19.185424.8098@noao.edu> muller@noao.edu (Beatrice Muller) writes:
>>  You're so right, Beatrice.  In fact, I want you to come over here 
>>right now so I can floss my teeth with your armpit hairs.  Then I'll
>>name a company after you.  What?  There's already a company named after
>>you?  oh.  never mind.
>Is that supposed to be sarcastic? If so please fill me in.

Provider 4 offers 500 quatloos to the best guess for how Roger will offer
to "fill her in".

Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rdc@netcom.com (Roger David Carasso)
Subject: Re: BEST IN BED
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 92 17:25:48 GMT
Organization: 'Be at Peace, and Peace will be with you.'

nelson@eastrg1.cray.com (Christine Nelson) writes:
)
)which female in t.b would be most likely to get this title?


Okay judges, which female in t.b would be most likely to get this title?






                         ~~~           
       ---              (   )            \\\\\               ========
      _____            (~~~~~)          /     \             \\\\  \
      (^.^)             \. ./          )|(.)(.)|(            \  (  >
     ----------           <          -----------              \   <
     |        |}      -----------   {|         |          -----------
       JENINE           JENINE         JENINE               JENINE

-- 
____________________________________________________________
___________________________ If you'd like my phone number,
Roger David Carasso,        please me ask and I will give it,
Celebrity                   so that we may talk about life.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov ( Scott Dorsey)
Subject: Films
Originator: kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center and Reptile Farm
Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1992 23:20:26 GMT

"I just got a print of Clockwork Orange," he said.  "Would you like to come
 over and see it?"

"What's it about?" she asked.

It took him a few seconds to reply.  "It's about the universality of 
classical music."

--scott
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: heim@vms.macc.wisc.edu (JOHN HEIM	)
Subject: Re: 10 things you didn't know about Wavey
Organization:  University of Wisconsin Academic Computing Center
Date: 19 AUG 92 08:38:10    

In article <memo.583222@cix.compulink.co.uk>, dwindera@cix.compulink.co.uk (Wavey Davey) writes...

> 
>10 things you didn't know about Wavey Davey:
> 
>1:  His name is Wavey Davey
>2:  He is not a Jewish Pygmy call "Hamish"
>3:  He wears ladies underwear
>4:  He is a legend
>5:  He has sex with hippies
>6:  His penis is well known throughout Europe
>7:  He has never watched Eastenders
>8:  He is not Fis
>9:  He always says please and thank you
>10: He can have an orgasm just by thinking of Amanda Donohue

From this I conclude that Wavey Davey and John Majors are actually the 
same person.

John G. Heim                                 Email:  heim@macc.wisc.edu

"If there's something wrong with the computer, its sophisticated diagnostics 
                                               ^^^ (For Ken, -xxx ooo-)
will notify you of the situation by assuming an appearance that, for the most
part, is dark and lifeless." - The Adventures of Lone Wolf Scientific
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: ajm@wag.caltech.edu (Abner J. Mintz)
Subject: Anagrams
Organization: California Institute of Technology, Pasadena, CA
Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1992 10:59:06 GMT


>>>I'm just happy that my eail address has only one "s", and Polewka is thus
>>>unable to anagram it into a phrase containing Carasso.
>
>I'm just happy that my email address has no "o" and Polewka is thus
>unable to anagram it into a phrase containing Carasso.

I'm just happy that my email address has no "r", no "s", and no "o", and
Polewka is thus unable to anagram it into a can containing Crisco.
From: rone@alcor.usc.edu (Ron Echeverri)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Fuck Off[tm] - Help
Date: 13 Aug 1992 01:48:40 -0700
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
NNTP-Posting-Host: alcor.usc.edu

In article <1992Aug12.125908.11074@walter.cray.com> nelson@eastrg1.cray.com (Christine Nelson) writes:
>now, i need some creative and detailed directions for the 
>aforementioned pustule.  any ideas?

No.  But do give us the juicy details once the inevitable happens.

5150
of course, you could always laugh at his penis size
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey)
Subject: Recent Acquisitions
Reply-To: aaron@space.ualberta.ca
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 16:46:11 GMT

Bankstatement
Expose:Exposure
Air Supply:The One That You Love
J. Geils Band:You're Gettin' Even While I'm Gettin' Odd
Daryl Hall:Three Hearts In The Happy Ending Machine
Steve Earle & The Dukes:Exit 0
Lorraine Segato:Phoenix
Mental As Anything:Mouth To Mouth
Tom Tom Club:Boom Boom Chi Boom Boom
Glass Tiger:Diamond Sun
The Screaming Blue Messiahs:Gun-Shy

God, I love 49 cent record sales.

--
---Alfvaen(a.k.a. Aaron V. Humphrey)
"So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts
 what's so amazing about really deep thoughts"  -- Tori Amos
Current Album--The Iron Man Soundtrack
Current Read--Henry David Thoreau:Walden and Other Writings
From: spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: And it's my fault!
Date: 19 Aug 92 14:01:50 +1200
Organization: University of Waikato Computer Centre


So I'm sitting in this small cafe I know, just admiring my aquiline features
in the stainless steel napkin, when this guy walks in.  You know the sort I'm
talking about, a guy.

   So anyway, I continue to admire away, and the guy sits in a table about 10
feet away - like his body language wasn't saying everything.

He orders a meal in a manner that I found quite offensive too, asking for an
entree', a main, then a dessert.  Just like that.

Like I don't know what he's implying about me only having a coffee served
in a teapot.

So anyway, this *bastard* goes on to eat his tea - you know, just provoking
me; so I feel it's neccessary to say *something*, just to get this guy off
my back.

"Just knock it off Ok pal!" I snarl "Just watch yourself, alright?!"

Then he looks around like he thinks I'm talking to someone else.

I hate smug bastards like that - they really get on my wick.

So then his main arrives, and he eats that rather hurriedly, and now I'm
sure he's winding me up - just pissing me around to see which way the urine
glistens.  Eating fast to make sure I know what he means.

So then the waiter starts pissing me round as well.  He goes to this guy's
table and removes all the plates, then comes over to my table to get mine!
I tell him to bugger off of course, I know what he's up to, and getting the
other guy's plates first is just to make me feel at ease.  Right.  So I
keep my plates, and cups and things, and then it hits me that this guy and
the waiter are probably in league with each other - they probably just wait
till someone like me comes in and then stuff them about a bit for kicks.

Well they picked on the wrong guy.

I slip the gun out of my pocket and lay it on the table beside me.  Now they
know I'm not going to take any shit.  Now they *know* the went too far...

Picked on the wrong guy...

The waaaay wrong guy.

Like the guys who used to pick on me at school.

If it was them now, they'd know.

After the slaughter, the cops come and take me away, and the joke of it is,
they blame *ME*.   I tell them I'm wasn't the one with the bloody entree', but
they don't listen.

They never listen.

Not even at school.
-- 

 +--------+ --+--        +         --+--                 Who needs X? I've got 
 | +----+ |   |          |           |                   a VT100 complete with
 | |    | |   | |  | `/` +--   --    |   ,--, `/` +\ /+  enhanced video.......
 | +----+ |   | |  | |   |  ) (  )   |   |--' |   | V | 
 | VT 100 |   + +--+ +   +--   --    +   `--' +   +   + Fax:  (064)-7-838-4066
 +--------+ Simon Paul Travaglia,  Computer Services,  University  of  Waikato
 [========] Private. Bag 3105,  Hamilton, New Zealand. spt@grace.waikato.ac.nz

A lie in time saves nine.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Twin Peaks Convention
From: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)
Organization: The Man With Ten Cats
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 03:25:07 GMT
Reply-To: rmk@rmkhome.UUCP (Rick Kelly)

In article <1992Aug19.151740.10456@macc.wisc.edu> heim@vms.macc.wisc.edu (JOHN HEIM	) writes:
>I was watching one of those semi-news programs last night while making 
>supper and they had a story about a Twins Peak convention out west 
>somewhere.  (I was going to say Oregon but it couldn't be - the sun was 
>shining.)
>
>They showed some kid talking to a character who I believe they called 
>'The Log Lady'.  He was carrying around a stick and he told her that 
>it was easier to carry around a stick than a log.  The kid's 
>father was standing behind him looking just as proud as could be.
>
>I will never again make fun of Star Trek conventioneers.


Even though I have at least six televisions, I have never seen even one
minute of Twin Peaks.

-- 

Rick Kelly	rmk@rmkhome.UUCP	unixland!rmkhome!rmk	rmk@frog.UUCP
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: dwindera@cix.compulink.co.uk (Wavey Davey)
Subject: Bush Killed                             
Cc: dwindera@cix.compulink.co.uk
Reply-To: dwindera@cix.compulink.co.uk
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 14:32:21 +0000


George Bush has been killed in a tragic President Killing accident.

This has been a Wavey Davey Public Service Announcement.



                    -------------------------------------
                    -  There is only one Wavey Davey    -
                    -                                   -
                    -      Ooh yeah, bang bang          -
                    -         Sex on Wheels             -
                    -------------------------------------
                    -       49% SON OF A BITCH          -
                    -        51% MOTHERFUCKER           -
                    -------------------------------------
                    -   M-O-O-N that spells Norman      -
                    -------------------------------------
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.fan.wavey-davey
From: osa@kepler.unh.edu (Bart Simps.. er.. Oktay Ahiska)
Subject: Re: Bizarre Happening
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,talk.bizarre,talk.bizarre,talk.bizarre,talk.bizarre,talk.bizarre,talk.bizarre,talk.bizarre,talk.bizarre,alt.fan.wavey-davey
X-Advertisement: Use Emacs
Organization: University of New Hampshire, Durham NH
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 21:12:35 GMT
Comments: Help stamp out philately!

"Raphine" == Raphine D. Calaora <rdc@fuggles.acc.virginia.edu> writes:
Raphine> Followup-To: alt.fan.wavey-davey


Raphine> Now that rdc@netcom.com has stopped using my name, it is time
Raphine> for me to tell a story that i think is bizarre, it is bizarre
Raphine> to me at least. I was working in emergency room last night
Raphine> and a man came in. He was in great pain but would not tell me
Raphine> what was wrong with him, he would only tell a male doctor.
Raphine> the doctor told me afterward that the guy had put a telephone
Raphine> receiver up his rectum

I heard a different version of this story -- it involved a bottle, a
drunk man and lots of blood.  But I won't go into the gory details.

--
oktay ahiska, dept. of cs, unh, durham nh, 03824 
the opinions expressed above are solely my own. i don't represent unh. 
and here's the last five. it's educational. it's educational. 
it's educational.  it's educational. it's educational.
From: state@sargent.cs.unc.edu (Andrei State)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Anagram
Date: 13 Aug 92 04:48:43 GMT
Organization: The University of North Carolina, Chopperhill

aaron@space.ualberta.ca writes:
>
> I'm just happy that my eail address has only one "s", and Polewka is thus
> unable to anagram it into a phrase containing Carasso.

aaron@space.ualberta.ca -- anagram (@=s):

*****************************
rn, Carasso, alu. bat: peace!
*****************************
--
========================
"Avert one severe doper"
========================
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: PJF4081@cc.utah.edu (that's mr. wonderful to you)
Subject: Re: GERMAN CLASS
Reply-To: that's mr. wonderful to you
Organization: committee for the advancement of disgust
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 92 12:51:39 MDT
X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.10

In <1992Aug19.164618.4717@noao.edu> muller@noao.edu writes:

> In article <f#!n8+q.rdc@netcom.com> rdc@netcom.com (Roger David Carasso) writes:
> >>
> >
> >JUST FOR THE RECORD:  EUROPEAN WOMEN HAVE HAIRY ARMPITS AND LEGS.
> >
> >                    So?
> ****
> **** (fashist stuff deleted)*****
>       ^^^^^^^             	
               IS THIS SORT OF LIKE A UNFASHIONABLE COMMENT?

> 
> Beatrice


()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(
	PJF---->Biochem. grad student. "suffering *is* my game.		
	  	            WORK  :==  FUTURE
	"i am involved in the petty business of scientific research."
                         "feel free to feel me."
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
Subject: Re: The Toilet Revolution!/Revelation!
Reply-To: al037@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave Polewka)
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Date: Sun, 23 Aug 92 05:50:41 GMT


In a previous article, kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov (Scott Dorsey) says:

>I'm not going to go into a discussion of resonant frequencies, here.
>--scott

Well, then, how 'bout a monologue on the Life and Adventures
of Nikola Tesla?  'Twas truely a bizarre story.


-- 
=======================
"Endeavor to persevere"
=======================
From: bc@Apple.COM (bill coderre)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: BEST IN BED
Date: 19 Aug 92 18:49:29 GMT
Organization: Apple Computer Inc, Cupertino, CA

Scott Dorsey:
   Video is bad for you. It makes your eyes bug out in raster lines
   resolveable horizontally, and with cheap videocassettes the vertical
   resolution can be as low as half that time in 1968 when you hopped the
   train to Tiajuana after taking those pills they were handing out in
   the park. You only get 240 lines resolveable horizontally, and with
   cheap videocassettes the vertical resolution can be as low as half
   that. Give it up. Video is bad for you. Incidentally, the linearity
   problems inherent in the train to Tiajuana after taking those pills
   they were handing out in the park. You only get 240 lines resolveable
   horizontally, and with close lines turn into bright moire images,
   confusing your brain and bringing on flashbacks from that time in 1968
   when you hopped the train to Tiajuana after taking those pills they
   were handing out in the park...

Do you feel better? good. Now wipe up the mess, and remember the
catchphrase...

mr HEINOUS
seriously wasting his bandwidth
From: dolan@noarlw.UUCP (Kent Paul Dolan)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: best in bed, best in space, best for the needs of his countrymen
Date: 13 Aug 92 18:35:52 GMT

Matt Brown sez:

> And while we're at it, who's the best...
> .... in bed

Hmm.  On the testimony of three fairly experienced women, it seems I am.

Worldwide.

    [Last night the response was "If I have that many orgasms two nights
    in a row, I'll die."]

Funny, it isn't a position for which I was campaigning.

I wanted to be the outer space exploitation president.

Instead we elected a pair of yahoos who promised to conserve, and instead
ate our seed corn.

Now, there aren't enough resources left here to get us out there, to
where all the energy and resources we could use for centuries are
nearly free for the taking.

Kent, the man from xanth.
--
Former Birthright Party candidate for President of the United States.
"The Birthright of Humankind is the Stars!"