HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: anonymus+845@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: why guilt
Date: 9 Nov 92 21:29:06 GMT
Organization: Anonymous contact service

this weekend- I realized that my first
lover after my divorce-- was so much
like my oldest brother-- I mean I know
there names are the same (first names)
they were both body builders- and had
the same kind of personality .

But this weekend- during flashbacks--
I realized that I felt the same when I 
would curl up in my older brother's lap
and he would just hold me and hug me-
he wasn't always abusive-- and sometimes
I felt safe and loved when he held me
in his arms-- well , I realized that I had
the exact same feeling with this lover, I 
would love just to curl up in his lap and
let him hold me.  It is so strange-- my ex-husband
and I never had a good sexual relationship-- I 
didn't like being with him--not because I was
afraid (well maybe a little ) but he could never
help me enjoy him-- he was always pleased-- but I
don't remember ever being.

Of course our relationship became more like I was
his mother than his wife.
When I had this lover after 23 yrs of the above
marriage-- I felt guilty and bad for enjoying sex.
I think now because he was so much like my brother
used to be when I was little-- maybe that is why I
had an affair with him?  Anyway-- it is hard letting
go of guilt -- because I feel "bad" because I loved
my brother--- but acutally this was probably about
all of the nurturing I got.  My parents were always
drunk--- I can't remember them ever taking care of us.

I seem to be rambling--  but why do I still feel quilty??


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: Blackness
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 22:48:58 GMT

It just occurred to me that self-hatred (something that haunts me
a lot, too) is also a numbing and/or distracting behavior.

Nancy Lebovitz
From: anon-1159@twwells.com (Kristian)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Date or Transcription of J. Whitney Nighttalk
Date: 12 Nov 92 17:44:19 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Can anyone  post  or  e-mail  me the DATE and Program Name of the
Jane Whitney "Nighttalk"  Show  which  featured  three  male rape
victims?  I believe  it  may  have been Wednesday August 5.  This
would have been on the ABC Channel Detroit.

The reason I ask is  that I see now that there is a transcription
service.  I missed the show  and  am  trying desperately to get a
video copy or a transcription.  For  the  latter  I need an exact
date.
    Kristian



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: the weekend
From: dyer@spdcc.com (Steve Dyer)
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 01:53:43 GMT
Organization: S.P. Dyer Computer Consulting, Cambridge MA

In article <BxGpIu.n0z@twwells.com> anon-1348@twwells.com writes:
>Two things - first I woke up because he was shaking in his sleep.  I
>wasn't sure, but I thought he was exhibiting withdrawal symptoms.
>Then, when he came home from work, he told me he had just come back
>from the hospital, because he had had a seizure at work.  
>I felt guilty - because I thought that that wouldn't have happened if
>I had "allowed" him to drink.  I know that's stupid of me to think;
>but I felt bad.  I don't know too much about alcoholism; I would
>appreciate people letting me know if seizures are a common symptom,

If a person is physically dependent on alcohol, then suddenly stopping
drinking is very likely to produce seizures.  It's similar to barbiturate
addiction; an addicted individual shouldn't "just stop" without medical
supervision.  Usually in a detox center, a sedative drug like Librium
or Valium or phenobarbital is substituted for the alcohol (the absolute
amount depending on how much they drink, their weight, and their
sensitivity to the drug, etc.), and then the dose of the sedative is
slowly lowered over a period of time.  This avoids seizures and other
withdrawal symptoms, which can be dangerous.

Of course, many people drink to excess, but aren't strictly speaking
physically addicted, and it's difficult for someone to know this in
any particular case.  I wouldn't make myself feel guilty for what happened.
After all, it was his choice not to drink.  On the other hand, it's a
rather impressive sign of your powers of persuasion, and the effect someone
can have over someone else's behavior--it must have been difficult for him
not to drink, but he persevered because of your own concern.  Maybe the
event will shock him into realizing that he has more than a social problem:
that a seizure is a sign that he's physically dependent on the drug and
requires professional help.  In that sense, you may have given him a great
gift.


-- 
Steve Dyer
dyer@ursa-major.spdcc.com aka {ima,harvard,rayssd,linus,m2c}!spdcc!dyer
From: anon-1366@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: RELIGION
Date: 9 Nov 92 02:17:23 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


Has anyone here found that religion has helped you through your
ordeal(s) insofar as the abuse is concerned??





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From: anonymus+1173@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Subject: Anonymous post
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 19:18:22 GMT

test

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From: taylor@hardy.u.washington.edu (Allen D. Taylor)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: what happened?
Date: 6 Nov 92 19:07:40 GMT
Organization: University of Washington, Seattle

In article <BxB28B.HBF@twwells.com> anon-1259@twwells.com (Kate) writes:
>I sent a very painful and difficult message yesterday morning and it has
>not appeared.  I'm quite upset about it.  Does anyone know if some messages 
>got trashed by accident yesterday? (or was my note deleted?)
>
>Kate
>
>
I'm pretty sure something was wrong somewhere in the news feed for the
last day or two.  Absolutely nothing came in from alt.recovery and very
little came in from ASAR.  Then today, I got a flood of messages including
several repeats that were more than a week old.  Please repost if you can.
 We all need to hear each others pains and successes (IMNSHO).

--Allen

==============================================================================
Allen D. Taylor       University of Washington   taylor@cac.washington.edu
Information Systems   Seattle, Washington  USA   Human 1st - World Citizen 2nd
==============================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: scared
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 00:03:17 GMT

In article <BxGzCz.ws@twwells.com> anon-1372@twwells.com (Sierra) writes:
>Hi you all this is Sierra again.  I am really freaking out and scared
>all the time.  I keep thinking my father is going to come and find me
>although I know he's several states away I still keep thinking he's
>right around the corner.   I really don't know what to do or how to keep
>going and the thought of just ending it all and not being scared ever
>again is starting to be more and more attractive.  But part of me knows
>that wouldn't be a good idea.
>
>Help somebody, I'm so scared.

The best I can recommend is focus on your immediate surroundings and
your breathing. Be sure to let your peripheral vision work.

I believe that emotions just want to be felt--they don't want to stay
forever.

Other than that, reading your piece is reminding me of some fear, I think.

Damn them all to hell---and I don't even believe in hell, and probably
would think it was excessive if it did exist.

Nancy Lebovitz
nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu


>
>--Sierra
>
>
>
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: anti-depressants and creativity
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 21:04:33 GMT

tigger (mdtll@uokmax.ecn.uoknor.edu) wrote:

:   stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote) writes:
: 
: >I have found that being depressed has greatly affected my creativity.  I'm
: >in an engineering job which demands very high levels of creativity & my
: >performance over the past year and a half has suffered.
: 
: when my depression was a constant tangible aspect of my life, i
: had *no* creativity.  on top of that, i had lost my ability to
: concentrate.  i was hyper but didn't want to do anything.

When I am depressed, my technical side suffers (I'm a computer consultant),
but, oddly enough, my creative side comes out.  My poetry and photography
improve markedly when I am depressed.  Don't know why...
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

"There is nothing to seek and nothing to find.  You're already enlightened, and
all the words in the world won't give you what you already have.  The wise
From: anon-1355@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Poohbear
Date: 5 Nov 92 17:23:17 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

poohbear, don't let them
make you do this.

part of you is very strong
part of you can hold on
part of you can find a way out
without the cutting

find that part, poohbear
and give it a name,
maybe it already is the pathfinder--
the cutter must be awfully tired
from saying will i, won't i, will i,
let the pathfinder work a while, and
let the cutter rest

later, the gatherer
who is already there
but very small
can help you get the threads back






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From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: my theory about why some people are irritated at Ed
Date: 12 Nov 92 23:38:12 GMT
Organization: University of Washington

enigma@netcom.com (Enigma) writes:

>It's not the content of what Ed says, guys, it's the *tone*.  

>What do you all think?  Could this be the problem?

absolutely.  there are two components to every act of communication, content
and delivery.  if either one isn't up to snuff, there will be problems with the
communication.  good delivery can't make up for bad content, and good content
often can't be seen when it is buried in bad delivery.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: anon-1264@twwells.com (KillDoll)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: re: hi you all (or how to feel about mother?)
Date: 8 Nov 92 15:31:41 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

Hi Sierra and Free Amazon,

	Mother.  How do you get her to change.  Outside force won't do it,
however tempting it would be (for me at least) to slap her silly every
morning.  How about internal forces -- lonelines?  Seperation pain?

Free Amazon, since your mother calls you every week, you have a valuable
"coin" to use.  How about if you asked your mom not to call if she's had
alcohol in the last 24 hours?  How about if you said her drinking causes
you pain and you want her to quit.  Tell her not to call for the next
six months to give her time to get treatment.  In six months you'll decide
if you want contact again because now you don't want it..  (so you bluff)

My mother is still abusive, after all these years.  I told her she had
five years to become independent, unparasitic, strong, and happy with
herself.  I'd check up on her then.  It's been almost two years and
I haven't opened a letter (and they've stopped), haven't had phone contact,
and haven't inquired about her.  Who knows, it may work, and it's
taken a lot of stress out of my life not having to deal with her.

Try this.  My suggestion for the day.  Works for me!

Withdrawl of affection or attention.  Another form of abuse.  Gotta love
those habits we learn from our parents.

But this time it's for a good cause?

KillDoll



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: dmw1@Ra.MsState.Edu (Dianna Michael White)
Subject: Re: What is there to the telling?
Organization: Mississippi State University
Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 01:41:33 GMT

well, i don't really know when would be good circumstances for telling people

i have told several friends but only when i felt confident enough in their
friendship...i guess that might be the best indicator...just when you feel 
comfortable

i always find it rather...i dunno...comforting because so many of the people
i have told went through the same{kind of stuff.
kind of sad too...that so many people have to deal with this


-dianna

--
*------------------------------------------*------------------------*
|I I love love double double chex chex     | It's never to late to  |
|better better than than the the rest rest!| have a happy childhood.|
*------------------------------------------*------------------------*
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: rmitchel@jarthur.claremont.edu (bob)
Subject: Re: hello, again & compartmentalization
Organization: Harvey Mudd College, Claremont, CA 91711
Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1992 20:18:21 GMT

Warning: my comments are based on my own interpretation of the workings
of my mind based loosely on some psych literature but mostly in the
instinct that if an anology works, it should be utilized until it
feels wrong or unsafe. and well, yesterday in therapy, the MP analogy
hit the unsafe point. i want to say that they think it may be true
and thus no longer an analogy but reality.

In article <BxCxDn.2A0@twwells.com> anon-1374@twwells.com writes:
> [stuff deleted]
>This is getting longer than I wanted.  I want to exchange thoughts and
>feelings about this.  I wonder if any one else wants to share thoughts
>about their own compartmentalization.  I'm exploring this now, and
>would very much appreciate talking about this.
>
>Peace
>from lizard - all of the lizards

could you explain compartmentalization better?
my censors won't allow me to ask much else.

help,
mouse.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: RELIGION
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 16:42:15 GMT

Eric Middlecamp (emiddlec@mora.gac.edu) wrote:

: M. Scott Peck, in _The Road Less Traveled_, reminds us to keep in mind the fact that
: _everyone_ has a religion. Keeping this in mind, do you think what you have faith in 
: can be termed a religion? (Notice that the "religion" most people are disgusted with
: is _blind faith_.)

Interesting observation.  Does Peck define "religion"?  In my experience,
"religion" has been synonymous with "dogmatism".  I would be interested to
learn how he defines it - in a less-restrictive venue, perhaps?
--
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

"There is nothing to seek and nothing to find.  You're already enlightened, and
all the words in the world won't give you what you already have.  The wise
seeker, therefore, is concerned with one thing only: to become aware of what
he already is, of the True Self within."  -- Zen maxim
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177

"There is nothing to seek and nothing to find.  You're already enlightened, and
all the words in the world won't give you what you already have.  The wise
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov (Bob Boyd)
Subject: Re: attractions
Reply-To: rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov
Organization: Here & Now
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 16:52:53 GMT

Feeling sexual feelings about someone I have no intentions
of having a sexual relationship is something that I am just beginning
to get comfortable with.

The real challenge for me is to:

1.  Believe that I will be ok with my own sexual feelings no matter
      what I do or don't do.

2.  Accepting that there are going to be plenty of people that I
     will probably feel sexual feelings toward and that this is 
     natural -- we are humans with sexual feelings -- and there
     isn't just 1 perfect match out there that will be the only one
     that we turn on to.  I may even feel sexual feelings toward 
     someone that I really dislike otherwise!

3.  Learn through therapy and self-exploration of the issues that
     neither we nor the other people will die if we have our feelings
     and maybe even talk about it.   

4.  Learn to enjoy the feelings without guilt.  When I feel these 
     feelings I can know that I'm functioning in the may I'm made to.

Growing up I got just about zero modeling of how to deal with sexual
feelings.  So I have spent most of my life feeling scared and overwhelmed
with my sexuality.

My first  direct encounter with learning this new way came when I started 
feeling sexual feelings about another member of a therapy group
I was in.  I took the risk of talking to the therapists who run the
group -- they helped me to work through just letting the feelings
be there.

I've learned to tell myself affirmations like:

"I see that I'm having sexual feelings about X(person).  They are
sexually attractive and that is nice to notice.  I choose to not
pursue or fantasize pursuing a sexual relationship with them.
I choose to feel my sexual feelings and enjoy them and let the
feeling pass through me and let it go."  

Sometimes I do this several times before I get comfortable.  
Sometimes I decide to talk to a 12-step sponsor or close friend
or even the therapist I'm seeing.  All of those can help me to
relax about it.

--
Bob Boyd                 
rbn@ralph.rtpnc.epa.gov 
In the Here & Now
From: anon-1311@twwells.com (Noel)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Hollys theory on Ed Irritation
Date: 13 Nov 92 14:36:25 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes



Holly McGrath said:


The basic idea is that men tend to make these flat-footed assertions,
expressing their opinion as though it were fact.  This seems normal to
other men, but seems incredibly arrogant and rude to women.  And women
tend to phrase things with lots of "I think...", "It seems to me...",
"Don't you agree...".  If men notice this at all (which mostly they
don't), they think it's just silly.

	I think you are pretty much right on this.  Men (and some women) do
	have a certain way of communicating which tends to anger or put
	people off.  They know what they say is "my opinion only" but
	they tend to say it in such a strong or authoritarian way that
	it comes across as LAW or Dogma.  Ed even admitted he turns into
	his father sometimes.  (actually I think he is a bit of a character...
	Ed, if you read that I mean in a good way, really!) 

	I know from my experiences with boyfriends, we do tend to sometimes
	unwittingly hurt each other by words, or dismissive gestures that
	the other person might misinterpret.  That is why in cases like this,
	cognitive awareness comes in handy. Asking someone what they mean by
	that and telling them that it makes you feel a way they may not have
	intended you to feel at all.  Lets face it, when we get caught up in intense 
	emotional riptides inside our own head, it IS difficult to really hear
	what someone else is trying to say underneath HOW they may be saying it.
	
	Oh, well,  the battle of the sexes rages on and on and on ........


	NOEL

	:  )



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Re: Abused by SO
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 22:42:09 GMT

In article <LFYSB88S@cc.swarthmore.edu> eoliver@acc.haverford.edu (Erik Oliver) writes:
>Nancy, Thanks! -Erik

You're welcome.

>Also, I although I still miss him rather acutely, I am realizing how
>proud I should be of myself for getting out.  It means that for the first
>time ever in my life, I have considered myself important enough not to
>let myself be abused or hurt.
>
>*SMILE*

It's a real pleasure when you start accessing your willingness to value
yourself and act on it--congratulations.

                                Nancy Lebovitz
                                nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu