From: josh@Happy-Man.com (Joshua_Putnam)
Subject: Re: BICYCLE CRASHclo
Reply-To: Joshua_Putnam@happy-man.com
Organization: Happy Man Corp., Vashon Island, WA 98070-7399
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 1992 19:03:18 GMT

In <9204032345.AA01974@hplomg.hpl.hp.com> BRANDT_JOBST/HP1900_01@HPLOMG.HPL.HP.COM writes:

>Mary Shafer writes:

>> Well, the interstates were built specifically for tanks and armored personnel
>> carriers.  The military just lets us civilians use them in peace time.

>An eight mile rail tunnel was built
>under the Furka pass in Switzerland for "national defense".  The tunnel goes
>from nowhere to nowhere, unless you are a skier, and that is what this
>railroad tunnel carries.  

>If you could invent a national defense excuse to build great velodromes
>for robotic military vehicles that could seek out religious fundamentalists
>we could probably get them built in most major cities.  What a great dodge!
>That we have bike races there would not be noticed, once they are built.

Well, the Swiss have bicycle soldiers, so why shouldn't we?

WASHINGTON, DC 

The President today unveiled a major restructuring of the U.S. Army's
foot soldiers, aimed at saving money on transportation while improving
deployment speeds, physical fitness, and morale.  Text of the
President's announcement follows:

"In the interest of being able to rapidly deploy light ground forces
in urban areas, it is hereby proposed that the United States Army
commission a new class of mounted infantry capable of carrying machine
guns, ammunition, and targeting devices for the guidance of smart
munitions from aerial support.  To insure maximum silence and minimal
heat signatures, no motorized vehicles shall be used.  Instead, the
United States Army shall commission the design and construction of
reliable touring bicycles capable of carrying heavy loads on rough
roads with minimal maintenance.

"Furthermore, for rapid deployment in rugged terrain, the Army shall
commission the design and production of all terrain bicycles suitable
for operation in all climates, including but not limited to Middle
Eastern deserts and tropical rain forests.

"Furthermore, the production of bicycle frames and components is
hereby recognized as an industry vital to the national defense.  The
Department of Defense shall establish a Bicycle Research Group, whose
goals shall include: (1) development of an all-weather chain lubricant
that does not attract road grime or sand; (2) furhter miniaturization
of bicycle computers to allow seamless integration into handlebar
tape; (3) public testing of all new bicycle components, systems, and
designs to prove or disprove claimed improvements.

"In keeping with the military rationale behind the creation of the
Interstate Highway System, all existing highways receiving Federal
funding shall be retrofitted with segregated 12-foot-wide bicycle
lanes having independent on- and off-ramps and no interaction with
motorized traffic.  In cases where path-conflict is inevitable, signal
priority shall be given to nonmotorized traffic.

"Finally, in a parallel to the Department of Civilian Marksmanship's
exemplary record in promoting safe shooting, the newly-created
Department of Civilian Cyclery shall provide free bicycle training to
all citizens and resident aliens.  Publicly-accessible velodromes
shall be constructed for training and competition, and military
surplus bicycles shall be provided at or below cost to any person
currently enrolled in a DCC safety class or competitive
organization."
-- 
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