From: swbaker@vela.acs.oakland.edu (Texas Bob or Eddie Froman depending on the moon)
Subject: New article(s) and a new WORKING.NEW archive file!
Summary: Hello again!
Organization: Oakland University, Rochester MI.
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 18:11:23 GMT

Greetings!

I've updated the on-going WORKING.NEW article archive file with two
recently acquired articles:

Library Theft                    (previously posted on alt.g-g)
Drinking Problems, a Solution to (posted below)

I must say that the quality of articles is VERY encouraging; this most
recent batch of articles, including the now infamous _Dark Suckers_,
will help to set the standard in article quality (we hope!)...

OK, the file WORKING.NEW (the current, progressively updated collection
of articles which haven't been officially released as an archive) is
on the FTP directory at Oakland University (see waaaay below for
directions), and the GUIDE.ZIP and GUIDE.ZIP.UU files have been updated
with the latest WORKING.NEW file as well...

Keep up the GREAT work folks; we're up to 15 articles in WORKING.NEW
thus need only 10 more for the second 'official' release!

--
%t Drinking Problems, a Solution to
%s Common solutions to bar problems
%a Hanno Liem  (liem@rulwinwst.LeidenUniv.nl)
%n 2R12
%d 19921001
%e
Any hitch-hiker who visits bars a lot can tell you that, in whatever
galaxy the bar is located, the problems one encounters when visiting one
(or more precisely, after one has visited one for quite some time) are
roughly the same all over the universe.

This article is meant to give some common solutions to these problems,
which can be quite useful for the unexperienced hitch-hiker...

PROBLEM                 CAUSE                           SOLUTION
-------                 -----                           --------
You have little fun     You have failed or for-         Take new glass
drinking and your       gotten to open your mouth,      and practise in
front feels damp.       or have put your glass          front of mirror
                        to a wrong opening in your      until your drin-
                        head.                           king technique
                                                        is perfected.

Beer does not taste     Glass is empty.                 Find a person
as usual, but instead                                   willing to buy
is pale and bright.                                     one or more 
                                                        drinks.

Feet are becoming       Glass is held upside-down.      Turn glass either
cold and wet.                                           clockwise or 
                                                        counterclockwise, 
                                                        until open side
                                                        is facing up.

Feet are becoming       Inaccurate/inappropriate        Complain with 
warm and wet.           blatter control.                the owner of the
                                                        nearest dog to
                                                        save face.

Head is becoming        Karim van Veen from             Find other partner
cold and wet.           Zoeterwoude, Holland is         for conversation.
                        "talking" to you.

Bar is passing by.      Not true. Someone is            Are you being 
                        carrying you somewhere.         carried to the 
                                                        next bar?  No?
                                                        Protest clearly.

Opposite wall looks     You have fallen backward.       Have yourself tied
the same as the                                         to the bar.
ceiling.

All is dark and         You have fallen forward.        See previous ans-
your mouth is full of                                   wer.
glass and ash and
cigarettes.

You can't see right,    EMERGENCY! You are looking      Have glass refill-
everything is blurry.   through an empty glass.         ed as soon as pos-
                                                        sible.

Beer tastes strange     You have mistaken ashtray       Give up smoking.
and contains solid      for glass.
objects.               

You are staring at      You are sitting on the floor.   Find empty stool
something dark and                                      or pick up own
you have lost your                                      stool.
glass.

(Rough translation of an article on the back side of Neptune's VAP-book)
%e
*EOA*


[ Editors note -- The author intended this piece to be 'semi-real';
  however, I have classified this as 'Real' since many of these
  have really happened to either myself and/or folks I know... :^> ]


===========================================================================

INFO ON "THE" FTP SITE --

Here's the specs on getting this GUIDE.ZIP stuff and the *.NEW article
collections, from you favourite ultrix or vax/vms system (assuming you're
connected and on-line, etc) --

1) Type [ ftp vela.acs.oakland.edu ] or [ ftp 141.210.10.2 ] if req'd.

2) If you can't connect, then email me your address and I'll send you the
	uuencoded version of the .ZIP file, and/or the .NEW archives...

   else login: [ login anonymous ] and then use your email addr for passwd.

3) Go to the directory: [ cd /pub/swbaker ]
	(I didn't get to name this directory; I would've used something
	more topical like 'guide' or something, but at least we have a
	directory in the first place!)

4) Be sure you're in binary mode: [ binary ] -- a lot of folks have been
	writing, complaining of bad .ZIP files, etc... it's because you're
	trying to get the binary file in ASCII mode (which is the default)

	ALWAYS TYPE [ binary ] BEFORE YOU [ get ... ] ANYTHING!!!

5) Get the file(s): [ get guide.zip ] plus anything else you want...

6) When you're satisfied, [ bye ] to quit...

===========================================================================

Taa-taa for now ("Push the button, Frank...")

Steve
--
******************************************************************************
  you have just    |"For those who look for meaning, and form as they do fact,
 been bothered by  | we might tell you one thing, but we'd only take it back.
 Texas Bob and/or  | Not back like in a box, back; not back like in a race;
   Eddie Froman    | not back so we can keep it; but back in Time and Space!"
(based on th'moon) |                                             -- HEAD, 1968
---> swbaker@vela.acs.oakland.edu <------------------------ "End of Line." ---