From: ecsd@well.sf.ca.us (Eric C. S. Dynamic)
Subject: Re: We have the same old row, again and again ...
Organization: Whole Earth 'Lectronic Link
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 11:18:06 GMT

In article <1993Jan15.173724@tostit.ca> radler@nord.tostit.ca (Robin Adler-Pope) writes:
>
>mike_steiner@qm.claris.com (Mike Steiner) writes:
>> radler@nord.tostit.ca (Robin Adler-Pope) writes:
>> > mike_steiner@qm.claris.com (Mike Steiner) writes:
>> > > radler@nord.tostit.ca (Robin Adler-Pope) writes:
>> > > > mike_steiner@qm.claris.com (Mike Steiner) writes:
>> > > > > Thanks for pointing this out, Kjeld.  This just goes to show that
>> > > > > Tai/Park/Baldwin/etc. is an even bigger bastard than I had believed. 
>> > > > > bad that he is a coward also.

>Getting rough with you, and the energy I put into was attention and
>a spur - image is, reaching out to you to poke a finger in your
>chest and say "wake up!"  I see your life as having been crippled, 
>stunted, and wasted, and there's no point to hanging on to past 
>bullshit that no longer serves.  If I am helping you kick yourself 
>alive, that's its own reward.  If I help you shave even a month off 
>your recovery, if that's what you're doing, then my effort isn't 
>wasted.  Let's say I seem to feel that my interaction with you is 
>doing something that helps, somehow, and I'm glad my intuition was 
>correct.
>...
>If you want to 'rectify' your image, you'll have to focus your 
>persona for a while, during which you should avoid flames.  No problem 
>with having fun flaming - but I found out on other newsgroups, that 
>people tend to treat you as they first perceive you, even if you've 
>changed style.  
>...
>Is your only agenda to bash me? :) 
>...
>If you want to 'rectify' your image, you'll have to focus your
>persona for a while, during which you should avoid flames.  No problem
>with having fun flaming - but I found out on other newsgroups, that
>people tend to treat you as they first perceive you, even if you've
>changed style.
>...
>One thing you could do would be to collect a set of topics or issues 
>that concern you, publish what they are and what your stand on them is.
>...
>Did you come to that conclusion by yourself?
>...
>Want to guess again?  You didn't answer my question.
>...
>Then you believe I care more for my own feelings than yours, "Mike"?
>No, it was not because I disliked you, but because you dislike me;
>and are a most diabolical man, delighting to wrong and ruin those you
>hate, if they give you the slightest opportunity.
>...
>Damn.  You want some capital, or what??  Bash GMS for a change.
>
>-robin

Hmm. Tai alert . . . yup . . . you know, I responded to the little sucker
without thinking . . . what an instant return to normalcy to realize his
presence here has put a permanent, specific torsion on my perception of
reality, *which I must not ignore*, to prevent being sapped.

Reality check time, Tai. Yup, it is time for you to consummate your
Christmas phone-call - and thank you, by the way, very touching for you
to wish me Merry Christmas. Sorry I wasn't there to speak with you in
person. Guess you'll have to try again . . . but worse, uh-oh and oh, shit
and all that: I only have voicemail for the time being, snark snark, and
you'll have to Leave Your Telephone Number, oo-ee-oo. {Boy's vicious when
he's hot, huh?} HMM . . . *virtually irretractible* establishment of
contact, when you don't want to have to change telephone numbers or
addresses. Don't think it'll hurt you though . . . you're not a pansy.
*Very* Exceedingly interesting to hear your voice, even such a small
sample - sorry - had I still been set up as I was, I would have duped it
to my Dump tape, but now I'd have to ask PacBell to remember it for me.
Don't think it'd last 'til I get a place. Sheeucks. Well, worse things
have happened . . .

Anyone know how to 'Mail' directly to usenet, category 'Q'?
Never mind, by the time I get my answer I won't need it.
Looking for a job . . .

Now that's *interesting*, because I have to factor the following:

1) I've done some damned weird shit into usenet, for good *&* ill
2) My ordinary social persona would *not* permit such behavior in
   person, which in fact reflects a struggle in me regarding what
   sort of person I am to be and what paths I will be able to take
   based on events, much influenced by my behavior.
   How can I reconcile 'net' ecsd and 'personal' ecsd.
3) Jeez. /Will I get a job from someone who's read the stuff I do?/

n-ecsd smiles at #3; I wouldn't want to be a part of a group that
doesn't want me as I am, so the more notorious I get, the less
employable I become for people who wish to dissociate themselves
from me. Or for what I stand for. Very interesting dialogue occurs
in thinking about #2. Can I be mild-mannered Clark Kent by day, and
a howling Jackal by night? Well - I've done that; it *works*.

Now, if work were fun, it would be easier. My ex-work was okay, but
my M.O. is pretty stubborn, I explore through coding. I generally
prefer to have a few things to do because I sometimes want to let
one thing down when I have a block on it. I get a rapid image of the
sort of system I or we want as a target and converge to it in layers
of refinement; sometimes whole methodologies are thrown out, but all
this coding and recoding is /very fast/ for me when I'm motivated.
I get motivated by achievement and recognition - and recognition is
sort of just that - just to know that my output was of serious use,
or that I did 'my part' plus.
The work itself has to be a challenge, that it's fun to do - a puzzle,
but I hate working with other people's code sometimes - some people
(myself included to an embarrassing degree) write in a way that's
absurd to understand. A lot of work is fix-it work. They usually tell
me to fix-it & change it as little as possible - I've found it
time-effective to replace the stuff with new stuff, that has no bugs
(half the reason for messing with an existing thing), and is easy to
understand. My coding style is terse, but very readable, and generally
Much shorter than anything it replaces. Tightly written, and fast.
I don't like being put in a mold or a yoke; I have an aversion to the
culture that regards suits the norm, or presumes a 'power-dressing'
atmosphere. It's not the suits that bother me - it's the /tightness/ of
the people wearing them. I drift, I go off in reveries, I tune out
quickly and suddenly for brief moments, flickers, and part of me thinks
being hard and quick is harsh. That /entrepreneurial/ sharky attitude,
that predatory, competitive - what a big race it is, etc. attitude. Hey -
let us take that speed home with us, to enjoy being in the forefront of
things - and bring its maturity back to work with us. Press less and get
more.
How much of this sort of stuff would you divulge to a potential employer?
Who gives a damn to listen?

I'm a visionary. How do you sell a talent like that to someone? I sat
down and tried - "fill my head with ideas," I said, "tell me what you
have to work with and what your restrictions are, and what you want,
and I will think of ways to get there, given the constraints." - it's
very intensive - I would need to have access to various officers, people
who know why things are they way they are, take people's time, ask them
questions, and often in the way of argument, taken academically - Why Can't
I do so-and-so? What stops me? I am very good at looking at things in new
ways, and offering the Fool's solution - which leaves many people walking
away from me saying it made them think a lot about the question, and quite
often left them better resolved after they clarified them/selves/ in the
process. My challenges a third of the time lead the person to completely
other than I thought might happen - so that's synthetic - I'm pleased,
even if piqued sometimes by not knowing all the ways a person might answer
a situation. I've given up being jealous of that - I just want to prove,
if to no-one but myself, that I am a generative person to the extent I
think I am, that my own wisdom, strength and output do much good in the
world, for me and for others.

*****

God. Have fun with another thread of writing.
Guess I'll include my resume here; You get to snoop on my Mr. Professional
presentation, and ask yourself - gimme a break, etc. etc. -
guess I'll take comments if yawanna gimmeum. . . sure.
A Job or even a Shaky Startup Company Doing Something NextGenerational
at Bux-while-they-last & a share in things after, including using my
brains, maybe better.
Hmm. What will The Jackal's resume look like - ""Jack"", from The Ruling
Class - yes, yes, he wrings his wrists . . . *sigh*.

Cut below, to end of message. See ya . . .

Eric C. S. Dynamic                                          Resume, 18 Jan 1993
Systems Software Engineer                                   P.O. Box 278
(510) 653-8310                                              Berkeley, CA 94701

>> whoops. The Well mangles it - until I can determine why.
   Will try again. tsk.
-ecsd