From: caz@owlnet.rice.edu (HWRNMNBSOL)
Subject: Critical Comparison: _Last_Of_The_Mohicans_ vs. _Beefeaters_II_
Organization: Rice University
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 03:26:04 GMT

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                 * _LAST_OF_THE_MOHICANS_   *      _BEEFEATERS_II_
                 *                          *
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Cinematography   * Stunning visual imagery  *   You can see the scars
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Costuming        * A good eye for detail    *   Lycra washes easily
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Music            * Dramatic, swelling tones *   Ya know, disco never did
                 *  buoy the action along   *    die out completely
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Lighting         * Natural lighting         *   Strobes help hide the scars
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Male Lead        * Day-Lewis has impressive *   Peter North also has 
                 *  credentials.  He lends  *    impressive credentials.
                 *  an air of intensity and *    I counted ten squirts.
                 *  understated skill to    *    
                 *  the cast.               *
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Female Lead      * Stowe is beautiful and   *   Trinity Loren looked bored.
                 *  covers gracefully for   *    She's the only performer I
                 *  her inexperience in     *    know who can pick a quarter
                 *  large-budget projects   *    up off the table with her
                 *  of this kind.           *    vagina -- AND MAKE CHANGE.
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Violence         * Yes                      *   No
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Erections        * None                     *   Six
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Nudity?          * No                       *   Yes
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Did She Swallow? * No                       *   No (!)
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Major Theme      * In Man's struggle for    *   If you clean pools for a 
                 *  survival, true nobility *     living, you can get just
                 *  will ever triumph over  *     about any broad you want
                 *  evil -- even at the     *     to wax your Big Daddy
                 *  cost of its own self.   *     Peckerwood.
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Final Comments   * Never sit next to a big  *   My VCR feels greasy now.
                 *  fat guy with an armful  *    
                 *  of food.                *
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HWRNMNBSOL
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