From: clare@nynexst.com (Clare Chu)
Subject: Re: Women Asking Men Out 
Organization: Nynex Science and Technology
Distribution: soc
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 93 18:22:50 GMT

In article <1993Jan2.175230.16673@vax5.cit.cornell.edu> q2tj@vax5.cit.cornell.edu writes:
>> You know, I hear women (of all ethnicities) complaining that men (of all
>> ethnicities) don't like being asked out.  I hear this over and over.
>> And I can't figure it out.  When someone asks me out, I'm both very flattered
>> and also very impressed that the woman actually took the initiative and
>> asserted herself.

This is a soc.singles topic (but):
>
>	You know what?  I'm really shocked and surprised to hear
>this about women.  I have *never* heard of a man who didn't like
>being asked out.  In fact, when a woman asks a man out her chances
>of sucess are quite high (not 100%, of course) and it is rare
>that her approach will be rebuffed with hostility.  The reverse is
>definitely not true, a man must be quite skillful in approaching a
>woman so that she isn't turned off, turned angry, or scared away.

  I've known men of all ethnicities complaining about some woman
  who was "after" them.  One funny situation occured when I was at
  a taco party pigging out and acting myself.  I wasn't trying to
  impress anyone.  One guy got interested and tried to sit next
  to me.  There was a girl who must have liked the guy and she
  followed us around everywhere.  Near the end of the party, the
  girl suggested that we all trade phone numbers to keep in touch.
  Not that I cared for either one.  So as a fringe benefit the guy
  gets my phone number and I get both of theirs.  I don't do anything
  and the guy calls me and asks me out and then complains that the
  girl has been bugging him, and how he didn't want to give her his
  number, but that he agreed only to get mine!  These were not AA
  people, in fact both the guy and girl are blonde.  

  Another white woman I met at a wedding was definitely in the scouting
  mode.  She tries to get me to help her get phone numbers, so I got
  a few from some of my friend's soccer buddies.  I never called,
  but later they told me that she's been bugging them.  One girl
  told me that she even called her brother and her brother went out
  once to be polite and has been screening his calls since.  I guess
  I wasn't supposed to gather numbers and turn them over.  They
  probably wanted me to use the numbers myself.  But I never call
  when someone gives me a business card or anything.  These were all
  white people.  My friend explained that in this circle, the guys
  don't want to scare off women, so they'll give you their number
  if they want to get to know you better.  I think it's a good
  system, since it's not safe to give out your number if you're
  single woman living alone!  I typically gathered 3-5 cards every
  party.
>
>I suspect that what is going on is that everyone knows this, so 
>when a woman approaches a man and it doens't go 100% perfect she
>is quite alarmed (since all the conventional wisdom says that
>"men will always *love* attention from a woman").  Therefore it'
>probably just a case of too high expectations on the woman's part,
>even though odds are things will go well for her. 

  Maybe.  But I think that if the guy doesn't reciprocate, you might
  as well give up, because they're probably screening their calls
  and talking about you.  Your probability is high for a first date
  but at some point you expect him to show some interest.
>
>SteveS
>


Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american