From: guest@chopin.Physics.McGill.CA (Muhep Guest account)
Subject: THE DEJA DUDE / ULTIMATE NINJA TRADE ETHERBACK!!!
Organization: SOCS, McGill University, Montreal, Canada
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 01:39:19 GMT

Through the magic of Retcon, we present:

                                  THE
                       DEJA DUDE / ULTIMATE NINJA
                           TRADE ETHERBACK!!!

Written by Martin Phipps in Montreal, Quebec
           and wReam (Raymond Bringham) in Utah

Edited by Scavenger (Todd Kogutt) in Boulder, Colorado

Introduction

      I don't know about wReam but I think I know how Claremont and
Byrne must have felt when Shooter told them to redo Uncanny X-Men #137
("You want us to do WHAT?!!!").  In this case, Scavenger told us to redo 
the storyline that we had going on over Christmas.  The result, just as
with UX #137, is a better story -- at least that's my opinion.  Let us
know what you think.

Martin Phipps (aka Deja Dude)
LOULA@hep.physics.mcgill.ca
 

        Legion of Net.Heroes -- In Pursuit of the Net.Villains!

The splash page shows Doctor Stomper, Super Apathy Lad, Procrastination
Boy, Sidewinder, Bad Timing Boy, Irony Man and Deja Dude in the seminar
room on the second floor of the (apparently rebuilt)
hall.mansion.hideout of the Legion of Net.Heroes.

  "Is this everyone?" asked Doctor Stomper.
  "I guess everyone else had something better to do," said Sidewinder.
  "Well, alright then, I just thought I'd clear up a plot hole ...
I guess those who are not here can just read this story."  Doctor
Stomper cleared his throat.  "First of all, there's the matter of where
the Doctor Killfile android came from.  My guess is that the Man Who
Now Has A Leather Gauntlet Jewelled With The Insanity Gems was
responsible."
  "Shouldn't that be the Man Who Used To Have A Leather Gauntlet
Jewelled With Insanity Gems?" Bad Timing Boy asked.
  "Well, no," began Doctor Stomper, "although it might be more accurate
to have called him the Man Who Is Going To Have A Leather Gauntlet
Jewelled With The Insanity Gems But Doesn't Have Them All Yet.  You see,
what happened when the android Doctor Killfile and the others attacked
could have been accomplished by the use of the Guest Star Gem alone."
  "I see," began Deja Dude, "he could have summoned them from limbo and
used them against us."
  "Exactly," agreed Doctor Stomper, "and, as is the case when you use
the Guest Star Gem, if the Guest Star turns out to have been out of
character or unavailable at the time of the story, the Guest Star
immediately transforms into an imposter or an android."
  "Which is exactly what happened," observed Irony Man.
  They reflected on this for a moment.
  "Well then," began Deja Dude, "that was all very interesting but
you'll notice that, with that bit of exposition out of the way, we
haven't actually established what were going to be doing in this story."
  "Who says we have to do anything?" asked Procrastination Boy.
  "Yeah, couldn't we just run a few ads?" asked Super Apathy Lad.
  Sidewinder shook his head.  "You know, I don't know why I hang around
with you guys!  I mean, hell, if I had sucked up to Rebel Yell and the
others maybe I'd be leader now!"
  "Well, actually Sidewinder, it's a bit more serious then that: you're
one of the few Legionaires that wasn't even mentioned in either Cry.Sig
or THE FLAME WARS," noted Deja Dude.
  "Cry.Sig, Cry.Sig, wasn't that when we faced the Crossover Queen?"
Super Apathy Lad asked Procrastination Boy.
  "Actually, I wasn't here during Cry.Sig.  I meant to be here but ..."
Procrastination Boy waved his left hand in the air and sighed.
  "Look," began Deja Dude, "Cry.Sig is ancient history.  The question is
not so much how we've contributed to the team in the past but whether we
can make a contribution here and now!"
  "What do you suggest?" asked Irony Man.
  "Well, seeing as how we're not doing anything else, we could go after
the Brotherhood of Net.Villains."
  "You're kidding right?" asked Procrastination Boy.  "I mean: why us?"
  "That's exactly the kind of attitude that kept you guys from being
mentioned during the FLAME WARS!  I mean, while everyone else was busy
doing something heroic, you guys were keeping Background Boy company!"
  "If only I knew he was Rebel Yell in disguise," commented Sidewinder.
"I could have made brownie points!"
  "Well it doesn't work that way, Sidewinder!  We have to earn our place
in the Legion!"
  "That's all very well and true when we're under attack," argued
Procrastination Boy, "but surely we're allowed to have spare time!  I
mean, look, you're saying 'we've got nothing better to do so let's go on
a suicide mission'!  I mean, really!"
  "It wouldn't have to be a suicide mission!"
  "What do you have in mind?" asked Irony Man.
  "We could disguise ourselves as villains and see if the Net.Villains
try to recruit us!"
  "Wouldn't they recognize us?" asked Doctor Stomper.
  "Well, obviously, we'd change into dark coloured costumes."
  "I like it," said Irony Man.
  "It might work," reasoned Doctor Stomper.
  "Shouldn't we clear this with Rebel Yell or Ultimate Ninja though?"
asked Bad Timing Boy.
  "Hey!  Can't we do anything without his permission?" asked Sidewinder.
"I say we go for it!"
  "Are we all agreed then?" asked Deja Dude.
  Super Apathy Lad shrugged his shoulders.  "Yeah, sure."
  "Alright then," said Deja Dude.  "Why don't we meet here in one hour
wearing the most villainous costumes we can put together?"
  They all agreed.
  "I think I might regret this later though," said Procrastination Boy.

Meanwhile, at the far away secret base of the Brotherhood of
Net.Villains, Mister Homage is having a discussion with Professor
Perhap.

  "We must destroy them!" insisted Professor Perhap.
  "I don't see why," argued Mister Homage.  "We planted the bomb just as
the Man asked us to.  So the Net.Heroes survived; it's not as if the Man
is asking for his one trillion dollars back!"
  "That's not what I mean!  They will be after us now!"
  "So what if they are?  How will they find us?"
  "They will not rest until they have!  We *must* strike first!"
  "Oh?  And what if I say otherwise?  Is this a challenge to my
leadership?"
  Professor Perhap wasn't willing to go that far.  He backed down.  "It
was merely a suggestion."
  "Good, because I have more important matters to attend to.  That will
be all, Perhap.  You may go."

Back in the hall.mansion.hideout of the Legion of Net.Heroes, Doctor
Stomper, Super Apathy Lad, Procrastination Boy, Sidewinder, Bad Timing
Boy, Irony Man and Deja Dude are dressed as villains.

  "Hey, you guys look pretty mean!" said Deja Dude.
  "I hope so," said Procrastination Boy.
  "Let's go!"
  They made their way to downtown Net.ropolis.  They did their best to
get attention.
  "That's right, we're bad!" said Deja Dude.
  "You don't want to mess with us!" said Sidewinder.
  "Hey, get lost, OK?" said Super Apathy Lad.
  Eventually, they were approached by someone.
  "Who are you?" asked Bad Timing Boy.
  "I am Robgoblin!  Who are you?"
  "What's it to you?" asked Sidewinder.
  "Have you heard of an organisation called 'The Legion of
Net.Villains'?"
  "It sounds familiar," said Irony Man.
  "Well, we're in the middle of a recruitment drive."
  "What luck!" said Bad Timing Boy.
  "Yes," said Deja Dude, "that sounds like an organisation we would be
interested in, seeing as how we *are* villains."
  "Good!  Follow me!"  They did.  He took them to the end of an
alleyway.  He pressed one of the bricks on the wall and the wall opened
up.  "Get in!"
  "What is this?" asked Doctor Stomper.
  "It's a turbolift."
  "An elevator?"
  "Not quite."  He pressed the button on the inside.  They felt the
room drop.  "We're in free fall.  Position yourself so that you're
upside down."
  "OK," said Super Apathy Lad.
  "We must be dropping miles!" observed Doctor Stomper.
  "Yeah, but then we're soon going to feel what was the roof of
turbolift pushing against us."
  "So we're passing through the centre of the Earth and appearing on
the other side!" realised Deja Dude.
  "Only in a comic book," said Irony Man.
  Soon they arrived at their destination.  As much as gravity was
insisting that they were in fact right side up, they still had the eerie
feeling that they were still upside down.  They didn't have long to wait
until they were greeted by Mister Homage.
  "Homage!  I've brought us seven new recruits!"
  "Excellent, Robgoblin!  You have done well: a dozen recruits already!"
  "A dozen?" muttered Deja Dude.  Just then, Mean Master (tm), Lord
Vicious (tm), The Evil Enemy (tm), The Wicked One (tm) and The Fiend
(tm) (all last seen in Generic Man (tm) #5) emerged from the shadows.
"Oh boy!"
  Other Net.Villains entered the room as well, namely Rumour Monger,
the Hooded Ho''ood Win, Dyslexia, Repetitive Lad, Revamp Lass,
Colour-Error Man (the Canadian spelling, OK?), Romantic-Inuendo,
Plotchopper and, finally, Professor Perhap.
  "Hey, look, it's Professor Perhap!" shouted Bad Timing Boy.
  All his companions shuddered; all except Super Apathy Lad, that is.
  "Do I know you?" Professor Perhap asked.
  "Why, no," answered Irony Man, "but your reputation preceeds you!"
  "Perhaps," said Professor Perhap, "but perhaps you aren't what you
appear to be.  Perhaps if you were dressed differently, we'd recognize
you as someone we know," and with that hypothetical situation described,
the costumes our heroes wore shimmered until they became their regular
green, blue and red ones.
  "Net.Heroes!" shouted Rumour Monger.
  "LNHers!" shouted Repetitive Lad.
  "Uh oh," murmurred Procrastination Boy.
  "Well, I guess this is it," said Super Apathy Lad, "we're going to
die."
  Deja Dude spoke into the back of his watch.  "SCOTTY, beam us up!"  He
looked at his companions.  "BY SEVEN!"
  "What the --" began Sidewinder.
  The seven of them disappeared and reappered elsewhere.
  "-- hell ... did you do?"
  "I had to get us out of there."
  Sidewinder gave Deja Dude an accusing look.  "Why didn't you tell us
you could do that?"
  "I suppose that would have been the sensible thing to do," Deja Dude
admitted.
  "Who is Scotty?" Doctor Stomper asked.
  "Oh!  SCOTTY is what I call this terminal."
  "A pet name?"
  "Not really: 'SCOTTY' stands for 'Self-Contained ObsoleTe TechnologY'"
  "A lot like Scotty himself," Irony Man observed.
  Deja Dude smiled at Irony Man.  "Remind me never to take you to
rec.arts.startrek.misc!"
  "So what do you call this place?" asked Procrastination Boy.  "The
Bridge?"
  "Actually, I call it 'the little room in the corner'."
  "No kidding," said Sidewinder who was standing in the doorway.
  "You do all of your work here?" asked Bad Timing Boy.
  "No, but this machine *is* the only access I have to alt.comics.lnh."
  "Scary," said Procrastination Boy.
  "Look," began Deja Dude, "you guys can't stay here.  I'm going to take
us back to Legion Headquarters," and, as easily as that, they reappeared
in the lobby.  Ultimate Ninja was there, on the way to the central
command centre.
  "Hey, Ultimate Ninja!" shouted Bad Timing Boy.
  "What is it, BTB?"
  "We just faced off against the Brotherhood of Net.Villains!"
  Ultimate Ninja smiled.  "Right, sure."
  "No really!"
  "Look, you can tell me all about it later."  Ultimate Ninja smiled,
shook his head and walked off to the central command centre.
  "He doesn't believe me!"
  "It does sound a bit far fetched," commented Irony Man.
  "What if we were to try to find their turbolift?" asked Doctor
Stomper.
  Deja Dude shook his head.  "They'll have already thought of that and
sealed it off."
  Sidewinder sighed.  "So, this whole adventure, it was a complete waste
of time!"
  "Oh, I don't know," said Deja Dude, "I think it made for a pretty good
story!"


                 Ultimate Ninja #4 -- Grasping at the Conch.

      Ultimate Ninja surveyed the damage.  It was the same scenario he had
played over and over again.  This time something faded.  He had managed to
kill the entire LNH in less than 2 minutes, but something was helping him.
There was corruption in the air.  Ultimate Ninja panted a bit as he  
sheathed
his spotless shiny ginsu cancutting katana blades.  Even though he had  
just
finished wiping out the LNH he didn't have a single blood stain.  It was
one of those side effect powers that UN had earned by right of his powers.
      Until now.  Ultimate Ninja looked at his suit.  It was covered in
blood.  He jerked back in a shock, but the blood began to poor from the
suit.  Ultimate Ninja drew back in horror, shaking the blood as it spread
across his body like fire.   Just then a pile of body parts moved and
animated, up from the heap rose a familiar sight.
      "Noooo!  You are gone!  Dead!"  Ultimate Ninja drew away in terror
from the sinister apparition.  "Acton Lord!  You are dead!"
      "Ultimate Ninja.  You have practiced well.  The LNH is all dead and
you will enjoy the fruits of your victory."  Acton Lord smirked sinisterly
like he had done so many times when he was alive.
      Ultimate Ninja drew back in a fit of fear.  "No!  It is to prepare
myself for the traitor!  I will not be caught unawares!"  Ultimate Ninja
tried to explain.  Ultimate Ninja began to gather his strength again, he
had destroyed this villain only when he was calm and ready for him.
Nothing that Acton Lord could say could make him weak unless he let it.
      "Has it ever occurred to you, that you are the traitor?"  Acton Lord
accused.  Ultimate Ninja buckled under the attack.

      "Noooooooo!"

      Ultimate Ninja opened his eyes to see... nothing.  He was still in
the Perilroom, but the image of Acton Lord had evaporated as he looked on.
      Contraption Man and Myk-El came bursting into the room, as the room
returned to its normal look, and the mangled bodies disappeared in a  
techno
blitz evaporation as they were created.
      "Boss!  Are you alright?!"  Contraption Man said with wonder.  "I  
just
can't understand it!  I thought I had all the bugs out, but recently the
PerilRoom has been acting up again."
      "You mean to tell me that was a glitch in the system!?" Ultimate  
Ninja
asked in disbelief.  It was too real.  Someone had to be behind it.
      "It had to be!  There is no program under that name and your Acton  
Lord
Combat simulation remained locked through your entire ordeal."   
Contraption
Man tried to explain.  "I finally had to reboot the entire program drive!"
      "Who would do such a thing!  I think it was an accident!  No one we
know is capable of such tampering except maybe you, Multi-Tasking Man and
Captain CoreDump."  Myk-El tried to reason out the possibilities, but they
seemed very unsatisfactory.  "I suppose Acton Lord might could do it, but
he's dead, right?"
      "No."  Ultimate Ninja frowned.  The answer to which question was  
lost
in the ambiguity of the situation.  "Whomever is responsible may lead us  
to
who the traitor is.  We must ferret out the one who will eventually betray
us all."
      CheeseCake-Eater Lad, Parking Karma Kid and Cannon Fodder poked  
their
heads around the open door to the PerilRoom.  "Hey UN, Are you ready to
teach our self defense class?"
      Ultimate Ninja who was deep in thought nodded and the three entered  
the
room.  "Start by stretching out, and remember that tranquil meditation."
      The three began to stretch.  Ultimate Ninja scolded himself.  I  
should
take my own advice!  I should relax, and do my best, only then can I be
ready for the threats ahead.  Gotta get back to practice, UN thought.
Something was still missing:  three of his pupils!
      "Where are BadTiming Boy, Procrastination Boy and Squid Boy?"   
Ultimate
Ninja asked CheeseCake Eater Lad.
      "Oh, well let me see...  Umm BadTiming Boy is having second thoughts
about you being the leader, especially after you ignored his claims that
they ran into the Legion of Net.Villains."
      "Oh and you believe them!?"  Ultimate Ninja said appalled.
      "Squid Boy has gone out with BandWagon Chick to get some Sushi
at 'Sushi Bell'.  He has been trying really hard to get to know her  
better,
and some other LNHer has been pursuing her about every other moment!"
CheeseCake Eater shot an accusing glance at Parking Karma Kid who blushed,
and then stretched his leg over a handrail.
      "Ahhh!  I can't help it if women find me irresistible!"  PK Kid said
smiling.
      "Hah!  She only likes you cuz you're the only one who can find a  
place
park her BandWagon!"  Myk-El said accusingly.
      "Nu-uh!  You take that back!"  PK Kid jumped into a Martial stance  
and
made a ninja battle cry. "AOOOOAAHHWUUUAA-HAH!"
      Myk-El sidestepped a rampaging PK-Kid who went plowing into Cannon
Fodder.  Ultimate Ninja buried his face in his hands, shaking his head in
disgust.  PK Kid was definitely not learning all that he should in these
lessons, and Cannon Fodder, try as he might was still a human target.  It
was a seemingly hopeless task to teach these kids anything, but perhaps it
will sink in somehow.  After all, if Ralph Macchio could learn to be a
Karate Master, it should be easy for him to teach these three to do  
Martial
arts, at least that was the theory.
      "Oh and Procrastination Boy is cramming for a final."
      "Gee. I would have thought he would have put that off!"
      "Well he did.  His final starts in 20 minutes, and he hasn't studied
for the entire course."   CheeseCake-Eater Lad smiled contently.  "I  
suppose
he has been putting off this class for quite sometime as well.  He will
probably start 'officially' after a week or so of putting it off."
      "The fool.  Doesn't he know how important it is he be ready to  
protect
himself!?  I mean if he really ran into the Legion of Net Villains he will
be dead in a second, without some ability to save himself."  Ultimate  
Ninja
grumbled.
      "Well, he might be avoiding you for another reason."  Myk-El said
calmly.
      "And what is that?"  Ultimate Ninja asked.
      "Well, if you really wish to know, I can tell you, but you gotta
promise to not get mad."  Myk-El said cautiously.
      "Why would I hurt you!?  Of course I won't!  I promise."
      "Well there are some in the Legion who do not respect your  
leadership."
Myk-El said backing up.  "Ever since Rebel Yell left, and Continuity Champ
died, well, there has been a lot of instability going around.  Frankly  
some
do not feel you can lead!"
      Ultimate Ninja frowned.  This was his suspicion.  All the secret
scowls and murmuring behind his back.  They had not gone by unnoticed.
      "Well until we have another leader we will just deal with this as it
comes..."  Ultimate Ninja spurted trying to ignore the problem.
      "We have a lesson here.  Myk-El you are free to stay if you wish,
otherwise please leave us to this lesson."

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

        RosterwReam sat in the main computer room bored with an
equally bored Multi-Tasking Man.  Multi-Tasking Man was busy repairing
and reinstalling the computer software that had been so
recently trashed, playing Net.Trek, writing a text editor in YMP Cray
machine language, watching the perimeter alert, watching the parameter
alert and causing a flamewar in comp.ai.nueral-nets, so even MT-Man was
pretty bored and not busy either.
        "Ha-Ha.  I just love placing strings about the superiority of
expert systems in the neural nets newsgroup.  They just go bananas when
anyone suggests that neural nets are a lousy form of Artificial
Intelligence!"  MT-Man mused to completely distracted RosterwReam.
        "Yeah, I bet."  RosterwReam answered, not understanding a single
word.  He was having enough difficulties learning the new computerized
roster format.  His mind was wandering again.  RosterwReam didn't want
to be in charge of the roster anymore.
        I should be out fighting evil!  RosterwReam thought. I never do
anything!
        "Hey!  RosterwReam, can you go get me another box of disks?"
MT-Man asked.
        "Yeah, I bet."  He moved a mouse around on the screen blankly.
        "RosterwReam?"  MT-Man turned toward the distracted roster
sidekick.  "Earth to RosterwReam!"
        "Huh?"  RosterwReam turned realizing he was in a trance, he tried
act like he knew what he was doing.  He didn't.  "I'm sorry?  What did
you want?"
        "More disks?"
        "Ummm.  Where do you keep them?"
        "By that locked door that never opens, you know, the one with the
three letters DRH on it."
        "Oh.  Yes, the quarters of Serious Writer (tm).  He claims to have
nothing to do with us!  He's a serious writer!"  RosterwReam said getting
up and heading for the closet of where the disks were held.  "Drat!  I
forgot to put him on the roster as well!"  He cursed.  I wonder what DRH
stands for?  RosterwReam thought back to an explanation that List Lad had
told him once.  I think the R stands for Rogue-lover, if I recall  
correctly.

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

        "Hey, Myk-El!  Is that you back there?"  Contraption Man called  
out
from under a panel he was tinkering under in the main control room of the
PerilRoom.
        "Yeah.  Ultimate Ninja is getting a bit feisty.  I just told him
how you guys think he sucks as a leader."  Myk-El said convincingly.  "You
need some help?"
        "Sure I could use some help."  Contraption Man said smiling.  "So
why would you tell him that about his leadership?"
        "Well its true!"
        "OH I don't think he is that bad.  He is just a bit new."
Contraption Man said defending UN just for kicks.  "Besides, if you guys
don't like him as leader, why don't you get another one?"
        "Can we do that?"  Myk-El rested his chin on his fist in a thinker
position.  "You know, even though he isn't as good as Rebel Yell, he is
probably the most qualified to lead the LNH.  What with RL, LG and CC all
gone."
        "Well he is at that."  Contraption Man said.  "Perhaps you ought
to put more faith in him.  I mean he is the only one around here who even
worries about all of your well-fare!  Especially when there is a traitor
abroad."
        "What!?  You mean you don't think he is the traitor?"  Myk-El's
jaw dropped in amazement.  "I thought you had it all figured out."
        "Nah.  He in fact is the only one worried about it.  I think it
is too obvious that he could be the traitor.  I just don't believe he
could be it.  Besides, He is just too popular to be the traitor, unstable
as he is."
        "So who do you think it is?"  Myk-El perked up.
        "Oh.  Well its gotta be someone that we wouldn't suspect.  But its
gotta be someone powerful enough to wipe us all out.  It must be someone
who has betrayed the LNH cause.  Someone who is secretly thinking that he
is fooling us all with his snide and shifty mannerisms."
        "WELL I can't imagine who else could be the traitor!?" Myk-El
squinted sinisterly.  "Who could it be?"
        "Well I have it narrowed down to a few LNHers..."  Contraption Man
smiled pondering his mental list.
        "Like who?"  Myk-El slid forward in his seat.
        "Well it could be Spelling Boy, he has had a chip on his shoulder
since he was torn apart by Professor Perhap's wolves...  Or MultiTasking
Man, he wanted to get rid of me...  Or perhaps Lost Cause Boy, except that
he is dead, you remember the Woody scandal...  Or maybe Deja Dude or  
Cliche
Dude, just because it is one of those cliched things that has been done
before."  Contraption Man rattled off a list.  "... or PLOT KING or
Allusion Lad, or maybe Kid Kirby..."
        "You don't have a clue."  smiled Myk-El contently.  Myk-El rested
his hand on the main controller of the PerilRoom.  Below the cries of
of Parking Karma Kid, CheeseCake Eater Lad and Cannon Fodder were heard.
They were trying to break boards.  The Control Booth overlooked the  
comical
scene.  PK Kid smacked the wood then yelped in pain, as the 1/4th inch
board stayed serene and unblemished by the PK Kid attack.  Even so Myk-El
looked up and walked out of the PerilRoom as if he had something else
to do.
        "... or it could be you ..."  Contraption Man muttered under his
breath.   "... traitor ..."

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

        RosterwReam reentered the computer room only to find it empty.
        Strange.  MT-Man never leaves this room.  He must have had to go
to the rest room.  That is about the only time I see him leave the  
computer
lab.  He probably wouldn't leave to do that except for the few female
characters running around here.
        RosterwReam sat the box of disks at MT-Man's vacant post.  Just
then the computer fired up another graphics fix.  The screen whirred up
again.
        "There goes that uplink to DRIZZTSAT again.  Sheesh!  What does
that have to do with anything?!"  RosterwReam said aloud to provide some
variation on his communications.  "I wonder if I can keep the link going."
        RosterwReam was not computer illiterate.  Before his conception
he was one with Captain CoreDump.  In fact he most of the time acted like
he didn't know what he was doing so that others would do the job for him,
but there was no one around to get him to establish the uplink so he sat
back and began to tamper with the satellite linkup interface.
        RosterwReam tracked the fleeting signal which attempted to break
contact with the combeam.  RosterwReam congratulated himself on his
accomplishments.  This was the most fun he had had in days.
        All of a sudden numbers and information began to poor in.
Recognizing it was a video signal, he diverted the information influx to
the monitor.  RosterwReam gasped at what he saw.  It was everything he had
done within the last month or so!  Not to mention the rest of the LNH.
        Someone has us all on tape!  RosterwReam though mouth agape.
        RwR adjusted the tape monitor tracking.  The signal was encoded
on a transdimensional axis shifter.  The main computer did most of the  
work
but RosterwReam had definately stumbled across something that was
mysterious.  The view screen showed MT-Man.  He was just leaving the  
little
heroes room!
        "Yikes!  He'll kill me if he sees I have been tampering with his
set-up.  Gotta break the connection!"  RosterwReam jumbled nervously  
across
the keyboard.  He could never type well under pressure.  Every command was
typed wrong, and had to be retyped.
        "What are you doing in here!?"  fumed MT-Man.  "You are not  
supposed
to be touching anything in here!"
        RosterwReam jumped at the sudden entry, banging his hands clumsily
across the keyboard and into the transmatter control switches.  Just then
the transmatter hummed on, and the there was a dry crackling sound as the
transmat blurred on.
        "I was only trying to see what the heck the uplink to DRIZZTSAT
meant!"  RosterwReam said over the crackling.  The room flooded with white
light.
        "You IDIOT!  There is no such thing!"  MT-Man moved to the  
keyboard
frantically, but was frozen in mid leap by the entry explosion that was
jammed into the transmat pads.  "Fool!  the Transmat is overcharging!  It
has to transport something or it will short!"

        "IT'S GONNA BLOW!"

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

        "What the heck are we doing in these transport pods!?"  CheeseCake
Eater Lad exclaimed in shock.
        "Did the perilroom go bonkers again or did Ultimate Ninja just  
kill
us and we were automatically transported here!?"  Parking Karma Kid
wondered.
        "Well the Peril room automatically transports us to safety if we
are to be killed and then replaces us with exact duplicates which then get
unavoidably mutilated.  That is how the PerilRoom works, however I didn't
feel any death of any type from the T-port, which is something my
specialized abilities allow me to feel."  Cannon Fodder said.
        "Good thing you explained all that about the PerilRoom, its not  
like
any of us aren't aware of how it works!"
        "It was a fit of exposition, guys."
        "So what are we doing here then?"

        "Its gotta be a bug, Look!"  Contraption Man let the heroes out of
transport pods and directed them to the window that overlooked the  
PerilRoom.
        "Hey!  That's us!?" Cannon Fodder said admiring himself. "Gee, I
didn't know I looked so buff!!"
        "Yeah!  Me too!  Now I see why BandWagon Chick digs me!  Look at  
my
muscles!"  Parking Karma Kid pointed down to a muscle swolen PK Kid.
        "Uh guys, don't you think we should warn Ultimate Ninja!?"  Cheese
Cake Eater Lad suggested.
        "You are right, but the intercom isn't responding and the  
PerilRoom
door has sealed itself shut!"  Contraption Man mentioned with a bit of  
alarm.
        "Hey guys!  UN is in big trouble!  LOOK!"  Cannon Fodder diverted
the bumbling groups attention to the three musclebound dopplegangers.   
They
had just materialized some nasty looking swords and were turning on  
Ultimate
Ninja.  "We've gotta help him!  He doesn't suspect an attack yet!"
        "He's sorta got his head in his hands!"  PK Kid said shocked.  
"LOOK
UP!  They will chop you to bits!"
        Cheesecake Eater Lad smashed his fists against the panel of glass
between he and the PerilRoom.
        "There is a renegade program running this thing!  I can't even
reboot without disabling the main power grid!!"  Contraption Man yelled
helplessly.  "Nothing is functioning correctly."
        "What about the guns?"  CheeseCake Eater recalled the time he had
to turn them on when Black Coronary was attacking.
        "Of course!  They still work, the person who wrote the renegade
program didn't antecipate that!  ACTIVATE THE PLASMA CANNON!"  Contraption
Man bellowed.
        CheeseCake-Eater Lad reacted before the command could even be  
given.
He aimed the cannon at a sword that was being swung at the unsuspecting
ninja.  The sword shattered into shards of hot shiny metal.
        "That got his attention!"  Cannon Fodder yelled excitedly.

        Ultimate Ninja jumped up and away from the three encroaching
heroes.  He was quite shocked.  One moment he was dozing off, the next he
was being attacked by his three pupils on mega-steroids and taking a slag
shower!  Was this a dream!?  He looked around and up to the control booth.
To his surprise he saw PK Kid, Cannon Fodder and CheeseCake Eater up in
the booth waving frantically.  It was obvious they were trying to tell
them that the three in the room were not good company.  It didn't take  
much
to tell that as he observed the evil Cannon Fodder raise a sword and come
running toward him.
        Ultimate Ninja dodged the attack and beheaded the evil Cannon  
fodder
with a swing of his Katana blade.  The evil Cannon Fodder fell to the  
ground
dead.  The evil PK Kid and CCELad decided to double team the stealthy  
ninja.
As they approached they were instantly shreaded and cut apart as a fist  
full
of NINJA BUSH passed effortlessly through thier figures.  The dropped to  
the
ground in another heap of body parts.  The images disappeared.  Just then
the images reappeared, this time with guns.  Ultimate Ninja cut them down
but they would reappear.
        Up in the booth Cannon Fodder decided he would switch of the main
power grid.  PK Kid, Cannon Fodder and CheeseCake Eater Lad all fought  
over
control of the Plasma Cannon.
        "I want to pick off those evil guys in there!"
        "No fair!  YOU had your turn!  Its my turn!"
        "Oh bite me!  I am the one who knows how this works!"
        Contraption Man wiped the sweat from his forehead.  I don't know
how UN has anymore energy to keep fighting in there after having to deal
with these three, he thought.  "Fellas!  There is enough controllers for
everyone!"  Contraption Man pointed to two other cannon controllers.  PK  
Kid
and Cannon Fodder rushed to take a seat and began to pick up on the  
controls.
        "You know!  This is a lot like a video game I used to play, where
you have to shoot the bad guys and not hit the good guys!"  CheeseCake
Eater observed.
        "How did you do on the game?"  Cannon Fodder asked.
        "Oh I always ended up killing all the good guys, and well I always
lost within the first fifteen minutes!"  CheeseCake Eater Lad shirked.
        Just then one of the three cannons shot awfully close to UN,
singeing his suit.
        "OOPS sorry, bout that UN."  PK Kid said coyly.

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

        "What the HECK am I doing here!?"  shouted a voice from the main
computer control room of LNHHQ.  From the transmat pad stepped a very
strange looking hero.  He was dressed in the loudest most offensive suit
a person could imagine.
        "You are in LNH.HQ."  RosterwReam tried to look friendly.
        "How dare you release me from my captivity!  Do you have any idea
what I was doing there!?"  the loud hero fumed.
        "  no.  "  RosterwReam squeaked timidly.
        "Well OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T!  FOR ALL YOU KNOW I could be holding
the very fabric of the Net.Verse together!  How dare you tamper with  
things
you have no idea how they work!"
        "My thoughts exactly!"  MT-Man shot an accusing glance at
RosterwReam who shrunk in his place.
        "And just who are you!?"  the loud one continued. "WHY DIDN'T you
PREVENT this!?"
        "I was going to the restroom and..."
        AND YOU THINK THAT IS AN EXCUSE!!!  LIKE YOU CANT DO IT LATER OR
SOMETHING!

        Flames shot across the room.  They were sporadic, non  
discriminatory
flames that roasted the two LNHers.

        "  excuse me, but who are you?  "  RosterwReam asked up.

        "I was wondering when we would get to the introductions!  I mean
you two are a really RUDE bunch!"  the flames encircled RosterwReam and
MT-Man again.

        "I am OPINIONATED LAD!!!"

        Just then all the power in the complex went out...

        "Oh great!  and I bet you don't even pay your power bill!!"  The
Opinionated One glowed until the power went back up again.

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

        Acton Lord gasped in the dark.  Trying to sleep was not easy for
one who had made so many enemies.  He sat in the dark eyes wide open.  The
Nightmare reeled in his head over and over and over again.
        "It was only a dream, right?"  Acton Lord reminded himself.  "HE
couldn't possibly be free."
        Acton Lord slowly leaned back on his pillow and closed his eyes.  
He
did not go back to sleep.

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

        Contraption Man, Ultimate Ninja, Parking Karma Kid, CheeseCake  
Eater
Lad and Cannon Fodder stumbled into the main control computer center about
three  minutes after the power came back on.
        "We have a problem, there is a traitor in the LNH."  Contraption  
Man
began to address the group, not even noticing the newcomer.
        "Do you know who it is for sure!?"  Ultimate Ninja said  
exhaustedly.


        "Well, not for sure, but I know a way we can trap him, if it is
who I think it is!"


             Legion of Net.Heroes -- Net.ropolis 90210

The splash page shows Doctor Stomper, Super-Apathy Lad, Procrastination
Boy, Sidewinder, Bad-Timing Boy, Irony Man and Deja Dude in the pizza
parlor that is down the road from Legion Headquarters, the Pizza Pit.

  "So Ultimate Ninja didn't believe you either?" asked Bad-Timing Boy.
"About us facing off against the Brotherhood of Net.Villains."
  "No," answered Deja Dude, "in fact he found the whole story rather
amusing."
  "It's too bad we couldn't prove that it happened," observed Irony Man.
  "Yeah," agreed Deja Dude, "when I told him about how we were at their
hideout, he asked me where it was."  Deja Dude took another bite out of
his slice of pizza.  "So I said it was somewhere on the other side of
the world and he almost burst out laughing," he said and shrugged his
shoulders.
  "He should trust us," said Bad-Timing Boy.
  "He expects us to trust him," noted Sidewinder.
  Doctor Stomper finished chewing and swallowed.  "That isn't his way,"
he explained.  "Ultimate Ninja was a loner before he joined the Legion.
Seemed to me that he sought leadership before anybody could assume
leadership over him."
  "Some attitude," said Sidewinder.
  "Yeah, right," said Irony Man.
  "Deja Dude, why don't you run for leadership?" asked Bad-Timing Boy.
  "Me?" asked Deja Dude with his eyes open wide and his free (unburdened
with pizza) hand on his chest.
  "Sure!  Why not?"
  Deja Dude shook his head.  "I think we should support Ultimate Ninja."
  "You do?" Bad-Timing Boy asked incredulously.
  Deja Dude nodded.  "Would you question Rebel Yell's decision to
appoint him as acting leader?"
  "And what if Rebel Yell decides to make it permanent?" asked
Sidewinder.
  "In that case, whoever sought leadership would want his support."
  They all looked at Deja Dude; all except Super-Apathy Lad, that is,
who kept on eating.
  "I don't mean me."
  "Of course you don't," said Sidewinder with his head tilted ever so
slightly.
  Deja Dude tried to change the subject.  "Say, Procrastination Boy, how
did that exam go?"
  "I'd rather not talk about it," said Procrastination Boy dryly.
  "This is really good pizza," said Irony Man.
  "Yes," said Doctor Stomper, "we came here once before with Squid Boy
and Parking Karma Kid."  Sidewinder began to look uncomfortable.  "That
was when we were ambushed by Manga Man.  We probably would have died if
not for Cliche Du--"
  "Say, how come we don't see much of those two anymore?" asked an
embarrassed Sidewinder.
  "Oh, they're taking turns dating Bandwagon Chick," explained
Procrastination Boy.
  "*Both* of them?"
  "They don't seem to mind."
  Sidewinder was about to say something when Irony Man interrupted.
"That was back in the early days of the Legion, right?"
  "That's right," said Doctor Stomper, nostalgically, "before there was
any talk of leadership or traitors."
  "Is everyone from those days still in the Legion?" asked Deja Dude.
  "Let's see: Loquacious Lad left to go into politics; Kid Yesterdaze
left for medical reasons.  Apart from that, yeah, we're all still here."
  They all finished eating.  Then came the moment of crisis.
  "Who wants the last piece?"

In the lobby of Legion Headquarters stands Old-Comics Man and
Bibliography Boy.

  "Who's idea was it to put in a fountain?  In the old days we didn't
have fountains!  We didn't have receptionists either!  For that matter,
we didn't have private lives at all!  We were too busy fighting
villains!  That was our choice!  It was our sacrifice!  We were real
heroes, not the bunch of --"
  "Yeh, yeah, yeah," interrupted Bibliography Boy, "but it isn't as
simple as that: you see, one writer decided that Legion Headquarters
would have a front door and, as with any other large building, the front
door would lead to a lobby but then another writer decided that if
Legion Headquarters has a lobby then it must look like a hotel so now we
have a fountain and a receptionist and, seeing as how their presence
doesn't invalidate anything that happened before, I guess were stuck
with both of them."
  Just then, Captain Cleanup arrived and walked up to the receptionist.
"Thanks for the help, Sis.  You can go home now if you like."
  "No problem, Bro'!"  Captain Cleanup's sister picked  up her purse,
said "Bye!" and left.
  "Then again ..."

In the Monitoring Room, Pliable Lad speaks to Multi-Tasking Man.

  "So, is it true you spend all of your time here?" asked Pliable Lad.
  "That's right," answered MTM (*not* Mary Tyler Moore), "except when I
go to the bathroom.  Of course, there was one time when I played poker
with Yell and the others but that was when I was being done by a writer
who didn't know any better."
  "When do you eat?"
  "Oh, List Lad brings me something every once in a while.  He's good
that way."
  "Must get lonely sometimes."
  "It's OK."
  "I get lonely sometimes."
  MTM eyed Pliable Lad suspiciously.
  "It's about Panta."
  "What about her?"
  Pliable Lad's head and shoulders drooped.  "I'm scum."
  "I don't follow you."
  Pliable Lad sighed and straightened himself.  "Well, she and Lost
Cause Boy were, well, kinda close.  If he hadn't sacrificed himself to
save us all, they probably would have got married.  Well, now he's dead
and I've been, well, looking at her."  His voice trailed off.
  MTM stopped doing all four things he was doing.  "You haven't been
talking to Self-Righteous Preacher about this, have you?"
  "No."
  "Well, good.  So, tell me, have you any reason to believe Panta is
interested in you?"
  Pliable Lad didn't answer.
  "OK, let's assume she is."  Pliable Lad perked up a bit at the thought
"Causie is dead and we can't bring him back.  Do you expect her to mourn
for the rest of her life?"
  "No."
  MTM nodded.  "I think she'd appreciate some support right now."
  "Yeah, I suppose she would!" declared Pliable Lad who now seemed ready
to take on the world.  "Thanks!"
  MTM smiled.  "No problem."
  "You know, I'm surprised that somebody who spends all his time with
computers would know how to relate with people."
  MTM went back to work.
  "Did I say something wrong?"

In the Central Command Centre, Ultimate Ninja and Obscure Trivia Lad
awaited the arrival of Kid Kirby.

  "Kid Kirby, sit down," Ultimate Ninja said, pulling out the chair next
to him.
  "But that's where Continuity Champ used to sit."
  "Continuity Champ is dead," said Ultimate Ninja trying to remain aloof
"Please, we have things to discuss."  Kid Kirby sat down.  "Myk-El
informs me that people are unsure about my about my ability to lead."
  OTL and KK looked uncomfortable.  "Look, UN, they might not be
questioning your judgement as much as your authority.  It may just be a
matter of winning them over."
  "Obscure Trivia Lad agrees."
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Well then, when we uncover the traitor, we
might have *both* problems solved."
  "So you think there really is a traitor.  I mean --"
  "Oh, I'm sure!  In fact, I'm quite confident we'll know who it is soon
and when we do, they'll all know that Ultimate Ninja is not to be
underestimated."


         Legion of Net.Heroes -- THE LEADERSHIP CRISIS Part I

Rebel Yell sits in his room working at his terminal.  There is a knock
at the door.

  "Come in."
  Bad-Timing Boy entered.  "Yell, you've been sitting here brooding for 
days!  When are you going to take leadership back from Ultimate Ninja?"
  Rebel Yell sat back in his chair.  "Actually, I thought I'd just leave
him to it."
  Bad-Timing Boy was shocked.  "There are a *lot* of people who won't
follow Ultimate Ninja."
  Rebel Yell looked concerned.  "He has *my* support.  It is *my*
decision.  I don't see how you have any choice *but* to follow him."
  Bad-Timing Boy breathed deeply.  "That's where you're wrong.  There
*is* another choice."  He stormed out.
  Sidewinder was outside in the hallway.  "Well?"
  Bad-Timing Boy shook his head.  "He's supporting Ultimate Ninja."
  Sidewinder nodded.  "Then we'll go speak to Deja Dude."
  "But what if it turns out that people want to support Ultimate Ninja
after all?"
  "I won't.  You won't either, will you?"
  Bad-Timing Boy shook his head adamantly.
  "Well then, we'll go speak to Deja Dude."

Deja Dude sits in his room "working" at his terminal.  He is currently
scanning rec.arts.comics.xbooks.  He sighs.

  "For goodness sakes, Grubb, GET A LIFE!"

There is a knock at the door.

  "Who is it?"
  "It's me and Sidewinder."
  "Come in."
  They enter.  "Deja, Rebel Yell is supporting Ultimate Ninja."
  Deja Dude throws his hands in the air.  "Well, that's it then."
  "But we're going to support *you*," Sidewinder informed him, "and
there's a lot of others who will too."
  Deja Dude sighed.  It had come to this.

Later, Rebel Yell was trying to explain his position to Old Comics Man,
Super-Apathy Lad, Captain Clean-Up and Doctor Stomper.

  "So, you see, nothing's really changed.  I'm just leaving the
day-to-day decisions to Ultimate Ninja."
  They appeared unconvinced.  Old Comics Man spoke up.  "In my day,
there weren't Ninjas: there were just good guys and bad guys; the
good guys wore white and the bad guys wore black.  Ultimate Ninja wears
black.  It's as simple as that."  The others seemed to agree.
  "You're being silly," Rebel Yell insisted but he began to realise that
this problem wasn't going to go away that easily.

Bad-Timing Boy, Squid Boy, California Kid, Procrastination Boy, Kid
Anarky, Pliable Lad, Panta and Curly are carrying out a discussion
elsewhere on the main floor.

  "Look, I don't see what your problem with Ultimate Ninjas is," Kid
Anarky said.
  "Well, there's the way he didn't believe me when I told him about how
Deja, Stomper, Side, Apathy, Irony, Pro and I faced off against the
Brotherhood."
  Kid Anarky smirked.  "Yeah, I *heard* about that."
  "It's more than that," Squid Boy insisted.  "He's so judgemental; he
won't let us lead our own lives."
  "Yeah," agreed California Kid, "the Legion was supposed to be fun."
  "FUN?" asked Panta.  "Three of our number are already DEAD!  The
Legion is deadly serious!"
  "Easy, Panta," said Kid Anarky trying to calm her down.
  Just then, Irony Man entered.  "Hey, guys, the meeting in the
Central Command Centre will be starting in a minute.  Deja Dude wants
us to all meet in the lobby."
  "So you're all going to go through with this?"  Kid Anarchy looked at
each of them in turn and ended up focusing on Procrastination Boy.
  "Yes," he said trembling, "we are."

In the Central Command Centre are Ultimate Ninja, Rebel Yell, Lurking
Girl, Kid Kirby, Obscure Trivia Lad, Sig.Lad, List Lad, RosterwReam,
Allusion Lad, Typo Lad, Netiquette Lad and Plot King.

  "Alright," began Ultimate Ninja, "this is the first official meeting
of the Legion Leadership since THE FLAME WARS.  We have much to
discuss."
  "Indeed," said Rebel Yell, "there's some dissention in the ranks."

Just then, Deja Dude entered with Doctor Stomper, Super-Apathy Lad,
Procrastination Boy, Sidewinder, Bad-Timing Boy, Irony Man, Old-Comics
Man, Captain Clean-Up, Squid Boy, California Kid and, of course,
Bandwagon Chick.

  Ultimate Ninja gave the new arrivals a quick glance.  "Yeah, we're
going to have to find a way to keep them all in line."
  "It isn't going to be that easy, UN," Deja Dude informed him, "and
I'm afraid the Legion will never be the same."


      Legion of Net.Heroes -- THE LEADERSHIP CRISIS Part II

The splash page shows Deja Dude and Ultimate Ninja standing face to face 
in the Central Command Centre of Legion Headquarters.

  "Alright, Deja Dude, I'm listening.  What do you want?

Two page spread: standing behind Deja Dude are Doctor Stomper, 
Super-Apathy Lad, Procrastination Boy, Sidewinder, Bad-Timing Boy,
Irony Man, Old-Comics Man, Captain Clean-Up, Squid Boy, California Kid
and Bandwagon Chick; behind Ultimate Ninja, Rebel Yell, Lurking Girl,
Kid Kirby, Obscure Trivia Lad and Sig.Lad sit and List Lad, RosterwReam,
Allusion Lad, Typo Lad, Netiquette Lad and Plot King stand around the
conference table.
 
  Deja Dude shook his head.  "It isn't a question of what *I* want.  
It's a question of what the majority of Legionaires want."
  "Oh and I suppose *you* know what they want," Ultimate Ninja said
sarcastically.
  Deja Dude smiled.  "Let's face it, UN, your style of leadership means
placing yourself far above the common Legionaire.  There are many who
think you've lost touch."
  Ultimate Ninja looked appalled.  He threw his arms out in a sweeping
gesture.  "Rebel Yell, Sig.Lad and the others *all* support me!"  They
all nodded.
  Deja Dude nodded.  "Yes but they're not the *entire* Legion.  They're
not even the majority."
  "What do you want then?  To have the *entire* Legion come down here?"
  "It could be done," RosterwReam informed him.  "You could call a 
general assembly."
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Yes but not here; there's not enough room in
the CCC for everybody!  We'd have to assemble in the Ballroom.  Would
*that* satisfy you?"
  Deja Dude turned to look at those who he was there to represent.  They
all nodded in support.  Bad-Timing Boy also shook his fist in defiance.
"Alright, UN, we'll meet you there."  They made their way out.
  Ultimate Ninja turned and made his way towards the Monitoring Room.  
"You guys go on ahead while I make the announcement."

Multi-Tasking Man sits in the Monitoring Room working away, as always.
Ultimate Ninja arrives.

  "Multi-Task, I want to make a general announcement."
  Multi-Tasking Man continued his work with his right hand and activated
the intercomm with his left.  "Go ahead: you'll be heard throughout 
Legion HQ."
  "Thanks!"  Ultimate Ninja picked up the microphone and spoke.  
"Legionaires, this is Ultimate Ninja, *your leader*, speaking!  I humbly
request your presence in the Ballroom -- IMMEDIATELY!  There is an 
urgent matter that requires the presence of *all* Legionaires.  
Attendance is mandatory!"  He put the microphone down.
  "'humbly request'?  'Attendance is mandatory'?"
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "They know what I mean."  Ultimate Ninja 
looked to the far side of the room at the door with the letters DRH
on it.  He frowned and walked over to it.  "Hey, Serious Writer, didn't
you hear?"
  Multi-Tasking Man stopped what he was doing and turned to warn 
Ultimate Ninja away from the door.  "UN, leave him!  He doesn't want to
have anything to do with us, remember?"
  "What after we've given him our best room?"  Ultimate Ninja sneered.
"Alright, Serious Writer, have it your way but remember: this was your
chance to have a say as to how we do things around here!"  Ultimate
Ninja developed a self-satisfied smile and walked back towards where
Multi-Tasking Man was sitting.
  Multi-Tasking Man shook his head.  "I don't get it.  Why is it so
important that he be a Legionaire?"
  Ultimate Ninja raised an eyebrow.  "The truth?"  He bent over and
whispered to Multi-Tasking Man.  "Serious Writer is only the beginning.
Once I have him involved, my next target will be Peter David."
  Multi-Tasking Man's jaw dropped.
  "Anyway, it doesn't look like he's coming.  Let's go."
  Multi-Tasking Man looked hesitant.  "You want me to leave the 
monitoring room."
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Deja Dude is challenging my leadership.  I
honestly can't imagine how much support he has.  I'm going to need your
support."
  Multi-Tasking Man nodded.  "I suppose I could put the security systems
on automatic: anyone approaching with hostile intentions will activate
the general alarm."
  "Do it!"  He did.

Ultimate Ninja and Multi-Tasking Man leave the Monitoring Room and head
for the Ballroom.  Once in the lobby, Ultimate Ninja could see that
Rebel Yell and the others have been joined by Kid Anarky, Pliable Lad,
Panta, Curly, Parking Karma Kid, Cheesecake-Eater Lad, Cannon Fodder,
Sing-Along Lass and Contraption Man.  Ultimate Ninja smiles under his  
mask.

  "I *knew* the Legion would support me."  Once they were in the 
Ballroom, however, it was clear that Ultimate Ninja's worst fear was in
fact close to realisation: Catalyst Lass, Inacoustic Kid, Incredible
Unsleeping Man, Late-Night Lad, Mainstream Man, Marvel Zombie Boy, 
Organic Lass, Spelling Boy, Time-Waster Lad and The Forgetting One were 
*all* standing with Deja Dude and the others.  The remaining Legionaires 
were scattered throughout the room.
  "Why, Bandwagon Chick?  Why have you sided with *them*?" Parking Karma
Kid asked in despair.
  Bandwagon Chick shrugged her shoulders.  "Well, I heard that a bunch 
of people were going to get together and challenge UN's leadership and,
well, it sounded like fun!"
  Ultimate Ninja went to confront Deja Dude et al.  "Alright, 
Legionaires, Deja Dude here seems to think that I'm not fit to lead!
Well, if I'm not fit to lead then who is?  Deja Dude?  Do you people
honestly see Deja Dude as the next leader of the Legion?"
  Deja Dude smiled.  "Perhaps it's a matter of you not being the sort of
leader they'd want.  As for me, I can be *whatever* type of leader they
*do* want.  I can be like Captain Kirk."

Deja Dude frowns, tilts his head to one side and gestures with his hands. 

  "I can be like Captain Picard."

Deja Dude sighs, grimaces and gives everyone an accusing look.

  "I can be like Cyclops."

Deja Dude assumes a dramatic pose and looks up at the ceiling.  His 
eyes appear to glow.

  "Nice touch," said Nit-Pick Lad.
  "I can be like Captain America."

Deja Dude sticks his chest out and smiles.

  "You'll have to imagine a shield, of --"
  "ENOUGH!" shouted Ultimate Ninja.  "Do you people really want a leader 
who could be a different person from one moment to the next?"
  "Meanwhile, they know what to expect from you, don't they?"
  "Ohhh, good one!" noted Sardonic Boy.

Ultimate Ninja is fuming mad at this point but before he can say another
word, a voice is heard from off panel: "STOP!  You can't go in there!
It's a private meeting!"  It's the voice of the receptionist.  
Apparently, the Legionaires have an uninvited guest.

  "It's McLaughlin Man!" noted RosterwReam.
  "Yes," said List Lad.  He quoted from the roster: "'Insidiously,
McLaughlin Man constantly politicizes everything.'"
  "How did you get in here?" Multi-Tasking Man asked.  "The alarm should
sound whenever someone with hostile intentions approaches!"
  McLaughlin Man smiled.  "Ah but I don't have hostile intentions!  I
understand you are seeking to settle the matter of who will lead the
Legion.  I'm here to help."
  "We don't *need* your help," Ultimate Ninja informed him.
  "Of course you do!  Now, first of all, let's consider the issues you
face: first of all there's the matter of pay."
  "Since when have we been paid?" Super-Apathy Lad asked.
  "Legionaires are not paid," Rebel Yell informed him.
  "YOU'RE NOT?!"  McLaughlin Man was appalled.  "Well then, you should
take this opportunity to unionize!"
  "We don't need a union," Deja Dude informed him, "if we have a dispute,
we can settle it like adults!  Can't we, UN?"
  McLaughlin Man laughed.  "Don't be naive!  Pay is one thing but what
about benifits like time off, free medical care --"
  "Legionaires come and go as they please," Doctor Stomper told him, 
"and if they're hurt, we have a sick bay."
  "Oh?"  McLaughlin Man smiled.  "And are you a fully qualified 
physician?"
  "WHY YOU DIRTY --!"
  "And why aren't there more female or physically challenged 
Legionaires?  I've tell you why: YOUR NAME!  The name 'Net.Heroes'
conjures up the image of a fully capable, male individual.  It'd be
far better if you called yourselves 'Net.Persons'."
  "Say, I never thought about that," said Politically-Correct Person.
  "Enough!" said Deja Dude.  "You're WAY out of line!  What you don't
seem to realise is that we're proud to be 'Net.Heroes' and you have *no*
right to come here and tell *us* how to run things."
  McLaughlin Man looked puzzled.
  "He's telling you to go," Ultimate Ninja informed him.
  McLaughlin Man looked hurt.
  "BEGONE!" yelled Rebel Yell.
  McLaughlin Man looked angry.  "Alright, I'll go but next time you see
me I won't be so helpful!  Far from it!"  He stormed out.  The Legionaires
breathed a sigh of relief.
  "Well, good riddance!" said Self-Righteous Preacher.  "'Unionize' 
indeed!  The only issue that we truly face is FAMILY VALUES!"
  "Oh no," said Deja Dude.
  "Consider: Ultimate Ninja allows one of us, namely Panta, to parade
around Legion HQ half naked!"
  "You should see her when her fur is wet," Pocket Man said under his
breath.  He then closed his eyes, shook his head and tried to think of 
Organic Lass.
  "Are we going to allow this to continue?"  Self-Righteous Preacher's
words stirred up the Legionaires who looked at Panta with distain.
  "Not again," Panta said.
  "NO!" shouted Pliable Lad.  "You're wrong!  Panta is a loving, caring
human being!  Why if Lost-Cause Boy hadn't sacrificed himself to save us
all, he and Panta might have been married by now!  How dare you condemn
her?  Why can't you let her get on with her life?"  Pliable Lad's
gesturing caused his arms to spread across the room.  The Legionaires
turned on Self-Righteous Preacher.
  "It seems," began Deja Dude, "that we might have to make a choice: 
either Panta goes ... or Self-Righteous Preacher does."
  The eyes of Self-Righteous Preacher widenned.  "Wait a minute, who 
said anything about making anyone leave?"  Self-Righteous Preacher 
smiled.  "Perhaps I was a bit quick to judge."
  "Riiight," said Sarcastic Lad.
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Well done, Deja Dude," he conceeded, "perhaps
your ability to handle these characters will prove useful but that 
doesn't make you leadership material."  Ultimate Ninja looked around the
room.  There were a lot of uncertain faces.
  "Allow me, UN," Rebel Yell said.

Rebel Yell goes on to make a convincing, inspiring speech.  He manages 
to convince ten more Legionaires to support Ultimate Ninja: Bibliography 
Boy, Kid Frothing-at-the-Mouth, Lurker Lad, Pompous Lad, Sig.File Lad,
Trivia Master, Trivia King, Adamant Authority-on-Everything ("UN is the
best; that's all there is to it!"), Onomato-Puweeah Person and Myk-El.

  "Wait!" said Catalyst Lass.

Catalyst Lass goes on to make a speech of her own.  She describes what
the Legion could be like with a more democratic style of leadership.  
She makes it sound ... interesting.  By the time she finishes, ten more
Legionaires have voiced their support for Deja Dude: Dada Dude ("Love the 
name!"), Flameproof Lad ("Don't let UN get to you!"), Grammar Lad,
Nit-Pick Lad, Opinionated Lad ("Let's face it, UN, you SUCK as a 
leader!"), Pocket Man, Sarcastic Lad, Sardonic Boy, Deductive Logic Man
and Kid Poetry.  Only fourteen Legionaires remain undecided.

  "Well, what about the rest of you?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
  "*I* _don't_ KNOW!" LeTteRing Man said.
  "ME NEITHER!" said CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE.
  "That should be 'Neither do I'" said Grammar Lad.
  "Oh, go @#$% your own @#$ with a @#$%^!" said Innovative-Offense Boy.
  "That's not a very nice thing to say," said Netiquette Lad.
  "We have to get this settled!" Ultimate Ninja insisted.
  "Maybe we're putting too much pressure on them," Deja Dude suggested.
  "What do you mean?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
  Deja Dude turned to Pocket Man.  "Pocket Man, do you have some paper,
some pencils and some scissors?"
  Pocket Man checked his pockets and nodded.
  "Alright then, we could have the remaining Legionaires vote by secret
ballot, Captain Clean-Up could collect them and List Lad could count 
them."
  "Sounds fair to me," Rebel Yell said.
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Alright, go ahead."
  Captain Clean-Up made his way through the crowd.  "Alright everyone,
follow me!"

Captain Clean-Up, List Lad, Pocket Man and the undecided Legionaires 
make their way through to the lobby.

  "OK, Sis, I'm going to need that desk."

The receptionist, Captain Clean-Up's sister, gets up and moves to one
side.  Captain Clean-Up sits down and retrieves a cardboard box from
underneath the desk.

  "Pocket Man, are the ballots ready?"
  "Ready!"
  "List Lad, check to see that each person gets one and only one ballot
and then we'll each watch them put the ballots in the box, OK?"
  List Lad nodded.  He watched Pocket Man distribute the ballots.
  "OK, now we want each of you to clearly write either DD or UN on the
ballot, fold it once and then put it in the box."

The Legionaires do so and then, one by one, put their ballot in the 
box: first CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE, then Entropy Kid, Fuzzy, 
Innovative-Offense Boy, LetTeRinG Man, Occultism Kid, The Incredible 
Man-With-No-Life, The Invisable Incendiary, The Tygger,
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman, Amorphous Lad, Comics
Speculater Lad, Politically Correct Person, Self-Righteous Preacher
and, finally, Sister State-the-Obvious.  When it is all over, List Lad 
takes the ballots and pours them out over the desk.  He separates the 
ballots according to the initials marked on them.  When he's finished, 
he lets Captain Clean-Up do a recount.  The result is one that neither 
of them want.  Captain Clean-Up sighs.

  "We better get back and let them know."

The Legionaires return to the Ballroom.

  "Well?" asked Ultimate Ninja.
  "Out of a total of fourteen votes cast, seven voted for Ultimate Ninja
and seven voted for Deja Dude," List Lad said.
  "THE LEGION IS SPLIT!" Captain Clean-Up confirmed and with that
proclamation, the previously undecided Legionaires made their way to 
either side of the room.
  "Oh no!  What have we done?" whined  
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny 
Woman.
  Ultimate Ninja placed his hand on his blade.  "In a moment, I could be
across the room," he thought.  "Deja Dude wouldn't know what hit him.
*That* would settle this leadership crisis once and for all!"

Just then Cliche Dude arrives having just returned from yet another 
adventure with Halls Jordan.

  "Hey, Dudes, what's up?  The tension in this room is so thick, you
could cut it with a knife!"
  "You could say that," noted Irony Man.
  "Deja Dude is challenging Ultimate Ninja for leadership of the Legion,"
Rebel Yell informed him.
  "Is that so?"  Cliche Dude walked up to Deja Dude.  "You used to call
yourself Cliche Lad, didn't you?"
  Deja Dude nodded.
  "Even though my name was 'Cliche'?"
  "It's a good name."
  "It's *my* name."  Cliche Dude walked to the middle of the Ballroom.
"Didn't anyone have anything to say about this?"
  "Ultimate Ninja did," Sig.Lad informed him.  "We got him to change his
name to Deja Dude!"
  Cliche Dude smiled, said "Is that so?" and went to stand with Ultimate
Ninja.
  "I've done it!" Ultimate Ninja thought.  "I've got the support of the
majority of Legionaires!  But will Deja Dude be able to accept this?"

Ultimate Ninja remains poised, uncertain as to Deja Dude's motives as
he approaches.  Ultimate Ninja thinks of a vast assortment of ways to 
kill Deja Dude.  Then, when Deja Dude is only a few feet away, he 
reaches out his hand.

  "Congratulations, Ultimate Ninja.  You've won."

They shake hands.

  Ultimate Ninja was still unsure.  "What about the others?"
  Deja Dude turned to face those who had supported him.  "Well, what do
you say?"
  Sidewinder shrugged his shoulders.  "Yeah, it looks like he's won."
Bad-Timing Boy was appalled.  The others looked uncertain.
  Deja Dude nodded.  "It seems you're still going to have to give in a
little if you want to guarantee your support."
  "Alright," began Ultimate Ninja concilatorily, "what do you suggest."
  Deja Dude smiled.  "That you delegate more authority, thereby showing
people that you trust them and at the same time leaving yourself with
more time to get to know your fellow Legionaires."
  Ultimate Ninja nodded and looked around him.  "I suppose I could see
to it that those who supported me get rewarded."
  "Without punishing those who opposed you of course."
  Ultimate Ninja smiled.  "Of course."
  Deja Dude turned to speak to Bad-Timing Boy.  "Well?"
  "What about the Brotherhood of Net.Villains?" Bad-Timing Boy asked.
"We wouldn't lie about something like that, UN!"
  Ultimate Ninja looked into Deja Dude's eyes as he turned to face him.
"I ... believe you."
  Deja Dude nodded.  "We don't hate you, UN, but you do make mistakes
like everyone else."
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "I'll put Sig.Lad in charge of compiling all
we know about the Brotherhood.  What you have to say might be useful."
  Deja Dude smiled.
  "What about you?"
  "Me?"
  "You came that close to becoming the leader.  How do you expect me to
trust you anymore?"
  Deja Dude shook his head.  "Don't worry.  I don't have time for that
sort of thing.  I *really* should get to work on my thesis."
  "Then this whole leadership storyline ..."
  "Was designed to settle all the anger that was coming to the surface 
during your traitor storyline, yes." 
  Ultimate Ninja shook his head.  "A moment ago, I considered killing
you.  Now I find myself thanking you.  You really made yourself to look
like a hero."
  Deja Dude smiled.  "That's the beauty of writing your own stories."
  "Yeah," said Rebel Yell, "it's a good thing for you that things did
work out!  I for one won't accept the Legion being split!"
  
Deja Dude and Ultimate Ninja both laugh.  The once split Legion is
reconciled.  Everyone is happy.  Or so it seems.

  Ultimate Ninja muttered under his breath.  "Hmm ... Contraption Man
thinks he's the traitor.  Why then did he side with me?  Was he trying
to divert suspicion or was there some other reason?"

Well, anyway, most people are happy.  Then Bad-Timing Boy speaks.

  "Say, Sing-Along Lass, do you know 'Love Can Move Mountains'?"

Meanwhile, in the corner sits Figment Lad.  He looks sad.

  "Darn!  I would have voted for Deja Dude.  Sometimes non-existance
can be a real pain!"

			
                Ultimate Ninja #5 -- The Traitor Revealed!

Ultimate Ninja looked over Contraption Man's idea with a bit of  
skepticism.
His ideas hardly ever were simple and they frequently didn't work  
precisely as
Contraption Man could antecipate and so the skepticism was natural.
	"You are kidding right?"  Ultimate Ninja stood back and analized  
what
looked like a combination of a spaceship and a tanning bed.  "That is the  
most
crazy contraption I have ever seen."
	"Oh, but it works well!"  Contraption Man said, with his usual
abismally cheerful attitude.  "Look!"
	Contraption Man fliped a switch and red light flooded the inside  
of the
space suit and could be seen emanating from the suit.
	"OK so next practice you tell him about the suit and we will see  
if he
goes for it."  Ultimate Ninja said cautiously.  "OK, That will work."
	Ultimate Ninja exitted Contraption Man's complex and headed for  
the
cafeteria.  CheeseCake Eater Lad insisted that he try his new double fudge
cherry chocolate strawberry goop delight.  Ultimate Ninja cringed at the
thought of the name.  He could feel the arteries clogging anxiously as he
approached  the cafeteria.  As he aproached the door the usual sound of  
chaos
echoed down the adjoining hall.  It was unusually loud and there was a lot  
of
laughter.  UN hadn't heard such an outburst since Aunt Comic-Relief had  
died.
Something was really funny, UN opened the door to the cafeteria and  
stepped
inside.  Instantly the laughter died to silence.  There wasn't a single  
sound,
as the LNHers inside caught sight of UN.
	"Please, don't stop the party on my account."  Ultimate Ninja  
tried to
stir some conversation.  The only sound came from a glaring Myk-El who was
whispering something in a very cynical voice into Bandwagon Chick's ear.   
She
giggled and then frowned as if she was scolding herself for doing  
something
rude and mean.
	UN scanned the room and located CheeseCake Eater Lad and  
RosterwReam in
the far corner.  On the table was a large brown edifice.  It was heaped  
high
with every imaginable calorie known to sweets.  This is perposterous!  How  
did
I get talked into this again!?  Besides I hate cheesecake!
	Cheesecake Eater Lad rose to his feet and welcomed Ultimate Ninja.   
It
was the first open gesture he had seen in some time and it felt good to  
know
someone trusted him and thought of him as a friend.
	"Ok.  Are you ready for eating ecstacy!"  Cheesecake Eater broke  
the
silence.
	"How did I get into this mess.  I HATE creamcheese!  Not to  
mention it
hates me!"  Ultimate Ninja protested.
	"Now now, you can't even taste the creamcheese."  CheeseCake Eater  
said
smiling,.
	"It's true!" mumbled RosterwReam with a mouth full of Chocolate.  
"I
hate cheesecake but this is divine!"
	"Thankyou RosterwReam.  Now UN you said that if I learned the  
spinning
hiyah kick that you would try my cheesecake!  You are a man of your  
word!?"
	A mumble settled around the room and Cheesecake eater gulped  
nervously.
It was just a cliche he had used many times but for some reason it meant  
more.
Something was afoot.
	"Of course."  Ultimate Ninja replied patiently.  Some in the room
murmurred.  "Ok I will try it."
	Cheesecake eater cut off a big chunk and placed it on a plate.
Ultimate Ninja picked up a fork and reluctantly pushed the brown glop  
around
for a second.  Then his fork hit something solid.  Ultimate Ninja  
separated the
object from the chocolate goop and discovered a razor blade.
	"WHAT IS THIS!?!"  Ultimate Ninja said alarmed.
	RosterwReam spewed chocolate cake across the table choking at the  
sight
that perhaps he could eat a razor blade.  "YIKES!"
	"What!?"  Cheesecake Eater looked at the blade.  "This is  
impossible! I
use an electric razor!"
	"You are a traitor!  You tried to kill UN!"  Myk-El cried out from
across the room.
	"No!  I didn't!"  Cheesecake Eater backed up, fearing instant
decapitation from the Ninja.  "Really!  My cake has been sabotaged!  I  
have
been framed."
	"Ultimate Ninja here's your traitor!"  Myk-El stood up.
	"Yes, it would *appear* that way."  Ultimate Ninja sounded  
somewhat
suspicious.
	"Come with me CheeseCake Eater!  You are going to the brig."
	"No! Please!  I am telling the truth!"
	Ultimate Ninja and CheeseCake Eater Lad left.  RosterwReam sat  
back
suspicious as well.  Myk-El only sat content.  RosterwReam got up and  
moved to
his table.  Myk-El smiled and asked.  "So now we can all breath more  
deeply now
that the traitor has been caught."
	"Yes." RosterwReam said in passing.  "Oh and Myk-El, you really  
ought
to clean that chocolate stain off your jersey before it sets."   
RosterwReam
smirked accusingly and then retreated from the cafeteria following UN and
Cheesecake eater.
	
	"What are you all lookin at!?"  Myk-El scowled.  The remainder of  
the
LNhers went back to their meal, acting as if they weren't staring at him.


	Meanwhile Ultimate Ninja and Cheesecake Eater were discussing  
something
as RosterwReam caught up.
	"... so you see, I don't suspect you, but I want to take some of  
the
suspicion and glaring off of the one we think is the traitor, to see if he  
will
do something foolish and set us off to the real thing."
	"So did you you plant that razor blade in my cake?"
	"No.  That was there.  And judging from where it was and how you  
always
give your guest of honor the piece with the cherry, I think that the blade  
was
intended for me."  Ultimate Ninja said carefully.
	"UN, did you notice the chocolate stain on Myk-El's clothes?"
RosterwReam entered.
	"Yeah.  I am surprised that you did.  Good.  You have lots of
potential."
	"I noticed it too.  Sorta."  Cheesecake eater said whining.
	"Hey!  I didn't say you don't have potential!  I mean anyone that  
can
survive an onslaught like we did and still live to tell about it  
definately has
potential!" UN patted Cheesecake Eater Lad on the head.  "As demonstrated  
in
your mastery of the spinning hiyah kick!"
	"Thanks UN.  You're not as bad as Myk-El and the others seem to  
say you
are."  Cheesecake Eater Lad confessed.  UN looked inquisitively at the
suggestion.  "For the last couple days Myk-El and BadTiming Boy have been
cracking all these jokes about you.  You know that type of ethnic jokes,  
only
they change the race with ninjas and Ultiamte Ninjas.  I don't think that  
is
very nice."
	"Niether do I."  RosterwReam piped up.
	"Well perhaps soon we will be rid of those jokes."  UN squinted as  
a
plan formed in his mind.  "You wait and see."


Later, practice began earlier than Procrastination Boy had expected and so  
he
was naturally late.  Parking Karma Kid and CheeseCake Eater Lad were  
sparring
in the far corner of the Perilroom.  RosterwReam was away from the roster  
again
watching the goings on in the glass booth above the room, with Cliche  
Dude, who
had decided to pay them a visit.  Contraption Man and Myk-El were in the  
other
corner with a large spacesuit/tanning/battle armor contraption.  Ultimate  
Ninja
simply observed the two sparring heroes.
	"Now lift your leg up and extend your toes.  Arms out to the side  
and
head cocked. "  Ultimate Ninja tried to be patient, but Parking Karma Kid  
and
Cheesecake Eater Lad wanted to hit each other more than learn the proper  
moves,
and the stork manuever was an essential manuever to a good martial artist!
	"SQUAWK!"  Parking Karma Kid lifted one leg and flapped his arms.   
"I
feel like a bird!"
	"Oh that I could fly!"  said CheeseCake Eater Lad in a wistful  
faraway
sarcastic tone.  "Somewhere over the rainbow, way up hiiiiiiiiiigh"
	"And I thought that Rebel Yell couldn't sing!"  Parking Karma Kid  
said
in disgust!
	"Enough of this chatter!  Get to the excercise or I will force you  
two
to practice more waxon/waxoffs!  And you know how boring that is!"
	"Ahhhhh, Yes, Mastersan!"  the two bufoons piped and then laughed.
They had gotten into the habit of imitating some strange chinese accent  
and
calling UN "most honorable and wise mastersan!"  It got on UN's nerves,  
but
here it was quite entertaining, and although the PK Kid and CE lad  
couldn't see
it UN smiled behind his mask.
	
	Cannon Fodder wandered in.  "I give up.  My partner never shows  
and
Procrastination Boy is six lessons behind.  I can't do this stuff!  I  
guess I
will just die in these combat situations.  That is afterall my power."
	"Where is Bad Timing Boy!?"  Ultimate Ninja said angrily.
	"I think he is boycotting this thing."
	"Well, I will go get him, why don't you practice with these two
goof-offs!"  UN pointed to Cheesecake Eater and PK Kid.  They waved to  
Cannon
Fodder openly.
	"C'mon !  We will teach you many ancient chinese secret!  AHHH  
SO!"
CheeseCake Eater bowed low and Cannon Fodder laughed.
	"That is quite a chinese accent."
	"Yes most honorable CannonFodder man, we have mastered the art of
Ninja..."  Parking Karma looked to UN who turned and raised an eyebrow  
until he
continued. "...Talk."
	Ultimate Ninja left the PerilRoom to find BadTiming Boy.


	"Oh Contraption Man!  Can I try it on!"  Myk-El said excitedly.
Contraption man opened a hatch in the tanningsuit and let him in.
	"OK now to turn on the lights you must squeeze the button on the  
back
of your wrist.  That will charge up the lights and send light equivalent  
to a
red star into your system."  Contraption Man explained.
	"Yes!  Then I will have great powers as was fortold by others of  
my
race before they were all destroyed!"
	The lights went on and Myk-El began to grow large in stature.  
"AHHHHH!
You did it!  You have created a portable red sun!  I am ALL POWERFUL!
MUWAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAA!!!"
	Contraption Man looked on in awe.  "Well, I hope it helps you have  
a
good day."
	"OH IT WILLL!!!"  Roared Myk-El.  "IT WILL!"
	
	Bad-Timing Boy was in Deja Dude's quarters.  Ultimate Ninja paused  
at
the door, he desperately wanted to break the door down but instead he  
knocked.
	"Come in its open."  Deja Dude said his back to the door.
Ultimate Ninja entered.  Bad-Timing Boy looked at Ultimate Ninja and
cowered.  
	"BTBoy you are expected in defence practice.  Cannon Fodder needs  
a
sparring partner and you were the one who agreed to do so.  Do you have a
problem that we need to discuss?"
        Bad-Timing Boy was hesitant.
	"BTB, you had best get to practice.  Cannon Fodder  needs you 
and we are a TEAM, aren't we?!"
        Bad-Timing Boy nodded.
	"Thanks, Deja Dude."  Ultimate Ninja said sincerely as he followed
BTBoy back to the PerilRoom.
        Deja Dude smiled.  Clearly, Bad-Timing Boy was still 
uncomfortable having Ultimate Ninja as leader but now they'd have a 
chance to resolve their differences.

	"INSIGNIFICANT INSECTS!  I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL!"  Myk-El raised his
fists at Parking Karma Kid, CheeseCake eater Lad and Cannon Fodder, just  
as
BTBoy and Ultimate Ninja entered the room.  Contraption Man was already  
running
for the door like he had forgotten something, so UN sidestepped cautiously  
as
Contraption Man retreated from the room.
	"C'mon Myk-El!  So you have power and decide to turn evil on us!"
CheeseCake Eater Lad tried to reason with the juggernaut.
	"You'll likely prove Acton Lord correct if you do that!"  Pk Kid
observed.
	"He's just joking!"  Cannon Fodder said incredulously.  "Right?"
        Myk-El extended a fist and crushed Cannon Fodder into a blot on  
the
PerilRoom floor!  "DIE! FLEA!"  Myk-El saw that UN had entered the room  
with
BTBOY.  "I AM YOUR TRAITOR!"
	Cliche Dude grabbed a microphone in the PerilRoom's control center  
and
yelled over the intercom.  "I knew we shouldn't have trusted you! Nooo!"
	Myk-El sent a fist into the control Center and the the booth  
exploded.
Cliche Dude and RosterwReam ducked under the main control counter as the  
shards
of Metal and glass sliced the air.
	Ultimate Ninja cried his Oriental battle cry and lept at Myk-El.
Myk-El was much faster and stronger than he once had been, as evidenced by  
the
fact that he hit UN in mid air sending him flying against the wall.  A  
field of
energy surrounded Myk-El.
	Parking karma Kid and Bad Timing boy began to flee but Cheesecake  
Eater
was stuck in a hole in the perilRoom floor.  He pried on his leg as the  
fiend
Myk-El aproached.
	"What A STUPID POWER you have!  You over comercialized dolt!   
Well!
DIE!"  Myk-El smashed the floor of the perilroom just as Cheesecake Eater
slipped away.  Trapped in a corner Cheesecake Eater tried to remember  
those
self defense manuevers that he had learned.  He flapped his arms and held  
up
his leg.
	"IDIOT!  YOU Have no chance!"  Myk-El moved in for the kill.   
Ultimate
Ninja took the oppurtunity to send ninja bush flying into Myk-El's energy
field.  It sparked and then bounced off harmlessly.  "Ah the Ninja has  
returned
for more!"  Myk-El stretched forth his hand and a blast of force energy
collided with the wall behind UN.  UN dodged the blast and the shrapnel  
from
the energy explosion behind him.  "You will DIE!"  Myk-El's hand's glowed  
with
extra power as if they were charging even greater, just then he was  
knocked on
his face by a surprise blow.  CheeseCake Eater Lad had taken courage and  
had
done a spinning hiyah kick sending Myk-El to the ground.  Myk-El blasted  
the
floor of the PerilRoom, ripping a wide hole in it.  The concussion left  
Myk-El
a bit disoriented.  CheeseCake Eater Lad retreated from the corner he had  
been
trapped in and ran to help UN.
	"Get out of here!"  Ultimate Ninja instructed.
	"Save yourself!"  A blast of force came from Cliche dude that  
smashed
against the struggling villain, knocking him into the corner he had  
trapped CE
Lad in.  Cliche Dude smiled as he had always loved the power of that  
cliche!
        Unlike himself, Cheesecake Eater decided that perhaps he was a bit
outclassed here and decided he would go get some help.  "I will be back!"
	"Good one!"  smiled Cliche Dude!
	Parking Karma Kid, who was waiting on the other side of the exit
grabbed CheeseCake Eater Lad with fondness, seeing that his friend had not  
been
hurt.  "Nice Spinning Hiyah Kick!  But where you going now!?"
	"To get help! and sound the alarm!"
 	The two friends went rushing down the hall yelling something like  
"The
traitor is coming the traitor is coming the traitor is here the traitor  
the
traitor!"
	Bad Timing Boy could only sit staring at his friend turned evil  
try to
smash his martial arts teacher.  What could he do?  Whatever differences 
he and Ultimate Ninja might have, Ultimate Ninja didn't deserve this.

	"You will never do another tacky NINJA series again!  You are not  
the
most powerful in the group!"  Myk-El raged as he tore himself from the  
wall.
	"You are just jealous!"  Cliche dude rang another cliche that  
slowed
the villain.
	"I will not let another ELECTROCUTIONER's Song happen!  You all  
are
fools!"  Myk-El jumped up and ran at UN and Cliche Dude.
	"So.  You didn't get a big part.  That was hardly my fault!"
	"I have been playing the nice LNH member for too LONG!  You are  
all
FOOLS!  You treat me as your friend, but I think you are all FOOLS!
MUWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA!!!"
	"So!  You haven't done a thing to improve the legion!  All you've  
tried
to do is tear it apart!"  Ultimate Ninja drew his Ginsu Katana blade and
whacked his field.
	"While we try to keep the Dream ALIVE!"  Cliche Dude continued to  
pelt
Myk-El with the force of his cliches.  Myk-El continued undaunted.
	Just then Deja Dude entered the room.  "I am sorry that you don't  
like
the legion, but I am afraid things are going to go on WITHOUT YOU!"  Deja  
Dude
let loose a blast of energy that knocked the behemoth to the side.  His  
energy
field began to flicker.
	"You are all IDIOTS!"  Myk-El raged senselessly!  "I will destroy  
you
ALLL!"
	Myk-el waved his hands in an out ward motion and a force blast  
covering
the entire room caught all three heroes by surprise.  Repelled backward  
the
three figure struck the nearest walls and fell unconcious.  Myk-El reached  
to
crush Cliche Dude first, when Ultimate Ninja in an effort to save his  
friend
feebly flung a piece of Ninja Bush at the foe.  Myk-El turned.  "So you  
are not
quite out.  Good!  Then I will KILL YOU FIRST!"  Raising his fist he went  
to
smash the exhausted and drained hero.
	"This has gone on long enough!"  Contaption Man stood in the  
doorway.
"I believe we have all been satisfied as to who the traitor is, now you  
will
die!"
	"OH REALLY!?  AND HOW!?"
	"You don't seriously think I would give you a suit that didn't  
have an
additional powerswitch?"  Contraption Man held up a black box with an  
antenna.
He turned the red knob on it to the off setting.  Immediately Myk-El was
returned to his normal form.  Weak and normal.  Ultimate Ninja who had  
managed
to stand, barely raised his blade above his head and sliced downward  
through
the now turned off tanning/spacesuit and the body of Myk-El.  Myk-El's  
body
fell into two even halfs on the ground ... DEAD.

Cannon Fodder peeled himself out of fractured control room with the help  
of
RosterwReam.  "The duplicator is blown out!  That means if anyone dies in  
the
PerilRoom, they die for good!"  RosterwReam explained.
	"Parking Karma Kid!  CheeseCake Eater!  They don't have a chance!"
	Cautiously the two entered the perilroom through the front  
entrance.
It was quiet, except for the terrified sobbings of Bad-Timing Boy.   "He's
dead.  He was the traitor..."  he cried blankly.
	"RosterwReam and CannonFodder entered the perilroom to see  
Ultimate
Ninja helping Cliche Dude and Deja Dude to their feet.
	"I appreciate the help."  Ultimate Ninja said ernestly.
	Contraption Man waited for some praise too.  Ultimate Ninja saw  
him
waiting and said angrily.  "You were supposed to have that with you all  
along!"
	"unn.  Yeah."  Contraption Man gulped guiltily.

	Cliche Dude looked at the cross section of Myk-El's innards and  
said.
"He's dead, Jim."
	

Epilogue I

	BTBoy stood over the grave of Myk-El.  BTBoy sat back and 
pondered on what had happened.  Had Myk-El just cracked under pressure?  
Was he the only traitor?  And then there was the gnawing question in 
his gut, the one about who Myk-El was and how he had died.  Was it 
really possible to kill one from his race, when exposed to regular  
sunlight?
It looked that way but was this the end?

	Bad Timing Boy placed a single white rose on the grave and turned  
to
his vehicle.  A chill wind pierced his overcoat and sent a shiver down his
spine.  I guess that all remains to be seen, he thought.  Bad Timing Boy
pledged to himself he would be ready for the next catastrophe.


								wReam...
                                                         Ultimate Ninja of  
LNH!

Epilogue II

In Ultimate Ninja's Ready Room, Charlie Risk, the Living Decoy removes 
his mask and proceeds to change his clothes.

  "I don't know, UN, this all seems dishonest."
  Ultimate Ninja shook his head.  "Look, I'm the undisputed leader, the
traitor is dead and everybody's happy."
  "Yeah, but impersonating Lurking Girl ..."  Charlie Risk sighed.  
"It's not something I want to do anytime soon."
  "Why's that?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
  Charlie Risk grimaced.  "Lurking Lad kept ... looking at me."


                                                               Martin...
                                                           Deja Dude of  
LNH!

The Brotherhood, The Man, Contraption Man and Charlie Risk were created by
Drizzt (Jeff Barnes) of Kentucky.
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc