From: alawrenc@sobeco.com (a.lawrence)
Newsgroups: alt.recovery
Subject: Re: 'Playing the Odds'
Date: 1 Oct 92 11:52:33 GMT
Reply-To: alawrenc@sobeco.com
Organization: Lawrence & Assc.

In <97137@bu.edu> ccmlh@buitc.bu.edu (Mark Hayes) writes:

>This is absurd. More people belong to AA because AA has been around
>a lot longer than the newer groups. And the idea of deciding the
>question of God's existence by public opinion poll is plain silly.
>Not to mention that belief doesn't work like that - you can't
>come to believe something by deciding to do so. I'm reminded of
>the logic of "Pascal's Wager": if you believe in God and he doesn't
>exist, no harm done, but if you don't believe in God and he *does*
>exist, you're screwed bigtime. Therefore, believe in God. Argggh!!!

A strang fact is that a large proportion of the million or members of
Alocoholics Anonymous who today profess a strong faith in "God" or a
"Higher Power" were once agnostics, atheists and doubters with equally
strong convictions.  I cannot prove the existence of God to anyone, not
even myself.  What I do know is that when I first joined AA, the accept-
ance and love I received from these strangers who talked incesantly about
God touched me.  As time went by, I did what I beleive every AA member 
must do if he or she is to seriously incorporate the 12-steps into their
lives.  I had to take a chance and _trust_ God. 

I don't beleive that "beleiving" in God is enough.  For me to stay sober,
to stay alive, I had to develop _faith_.  The blackest day of my life
happened when I was about 2 years sober.  All of a sudden the _beleif_ 
I had in a fairy tail God who was going to make things perfect was 
shattered, and I saw for the first time that I was living a lie, that
the woman I was living with was not who I thought she was, that the 
world around me was not perfect as I was pretending, and that I was not
the kind loving soul I was pretending to be.  Everything I beleived was
shattered, including my belief in God.

I think the only reason I stayed sober at that point was that after going
to 10 to 12 meetings a week for two years, on Tuesday's I went to Tuesday
7 o'clock and on Wednesday's I went to Wednesday Step etc. because it was
a habit.  Eventually, with the help of my sponsor and my sponsee's I began
to build a new faith.  The faith I have today is very different from the
beliefs I had on the newcomers pink cloud.  It is based on the fact that
today I have a choice.  I can choose to drink or I can choose not to.  This
is a choice I never had before AA.  From the time I was a teen-ager I drank
as much as I could at every opportunity, even when I didn't want too.  I
neglected the needs of my family, I stole from my children and I abused the
trust of my peers; all for the price of a drink.

For me, that simple choice - to be able to say "no thank you" is the miracle
that has proved not only the existance, but also the love of God, to my
heart.  Each person I know who has a deep faith, has achieved it in a 
different fashion, but for each person it is real.  

For those who know there is no God.  Who are unwilling to say even maybe.
All I can do is wish them well and give the my prayers.  For the only
recovery I know, the road to sobriety that I have taken involves the 
active participation of God.  It involved turning my life over to someone
I did not know and could not understand.  It meant accepting that I
will suffer, I will be hurt and I will want.  But somehow, though it all
I have been given joy and peace of mind.

For those who think they _might_ want to travel the same path as I have
all I can suggest is:  Accept that maybe God does exist and give Him an
opportunity to prove Himself to you.  Sooner or later you will see your
own miracle.  Until then, come and walk with me.  My faith is strong enough
for both of us and you may borrow as much as your heart will hold.
 
-- 
If any given program runs correctly, it is obsolete.
=========================================================================
Andrew Lawrence, Informaticien Conseil           |  alawrenc@sobeco.com
3605 St-Urbain, #1605                            |  uunet!sobeco!alawrenc