From: coombs@asta.uucp (James H. Coombs)
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
Subject: Re: Fights and blackbelt confidence
Date: 25 Jan 93 20:37:46 GMT
Reply-To: coombs@parc.xerox.com
Organization: Xerox PARC

In article <1993Jan25.114346.22014@cbfsb.cb.att.com> ddewar@cbnewsb.cb.att.com (derek.a.dewar) writes:
>In article <C19zr4.4xA@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu> shulick@navajo.ucs.indiana.edu (Sam Hulick) writes:

>>As our instructor said, avoid a fight at all costs, but if
>>you have to fight, do what you must.  

>I would listen to your instructor more. He's not saying "if anyone calls you
>names, then kick their arse..." He's saying if you are in REAL danger, and
>there is no other way, then that is the time to fight. No offense here, but
>until you get rid of your ego problem you won't think any differently. 

Here, here!  Someone tried to pick a fight with me yesterday.  I made
the mistake of thinking that he would cooperate with me in optimizing
the effort required for both of us to walk where we were going.  I
should have stopped, backed up, and waited patiently.  Instead, I
skipped ahead and got on the other side of his path to read a menu, and
he needed only to take one half step to the side to pass me.  Instead,
he came on full bore for about three steps, blew out his chest, and ran
into me as hard as he could.  I have not been training, so I was very
surprised and not at all prepared.  (In part, I have not been training
because I don't like always preparing for threats, but now I would
prefer to be prepared.)

Anyway, I absorbed a lot of the shock on my shoulder and finally
realized that he would knock me down if I did not do something.  So, I
leaned forward to get my weight out of his path and spun him by me---a
little bit of Pa Kua.  (I couldn't step forward because there was a
wall.) I was left off balance, calculating the possibilities, forming a
plan rapidly, envisioned myself spinning around, holding his hands
down, and yelling, "Don't fight.  No need to fight."

Oh, yes, most important.  As soon as he made impact, I said "excuse
me" very clearly and apologetically.  That set the tone.

Once I had my plan, I took the fight out of my face and turned to face
him with a friendly smile.  He came over and said "excuse me", but he
reached out with his arm to me and did not have the same sort of
friendly "oh what a strange accident" smile.  I minimally raised my
arm, just enough to ensure that I could stay inside and guide any push
or punch off to the side.  I turned my smile to sadness.  I then turned
my head away from him---never once made eye contact---turned MA
humility and meditation, said lowly "No, excuse me.  My fault...  I
shouldn't have..."  He seemed disgusted at my cowardice and walked
away.

Then when I was trying to read the menu but really trying to figure out
what went wrong, how we got that far, I noticed him peering around the
corner at me.  I angled my body toward him slightly, perhaps 10
degrees, and prepped my hands (low, you know, soft Chinese styles, just
the slightest of movements to get things aligned and the energy
flowing).  Then I turned my head that 10 degrees back to the menu,
frowned, pursed my lips, shook my head to let him know that I thought
he was behaving rudely.  And he went away for good.

He was a lot bigger than me.  Probably four inches taller although I
would have said a foot if I were not trying to be objective.  He was
probably about 10 pounds heaver, perhaps 20.  I think he was frustrated
with the world and saw the opportunity to express himself.  I know that
he saw my slight hand movements, and that may have given him some
pause, but that was nothing, nothing, nothing to the fact that *I* said
excuse me, took the blame, did not make eye contact, acted humble,
etc.

Now that is the way to use your novice MA confidence.  When you get
good, you will see the guy coming out of the restaurant and have the
mental and physical agility to stay out of his way.  You will see his
pain and project positive, healing energy toward him.  You may think
that things like "healing energy" are delusions, but you can at least
be sure that your effort to understand and help will lead away from
violence instead of toward it.

As for the guy called "dork" who inspired this thread, have you ever
considered greeting him with pleasantness?  If he is too threatening,
try it in public, but be genuine.  Respect him.  He is a human being.
He has serious problems and is externalizing his hurt.  If he truly
cannot get along in society, then that is a matter for the police and
the courts.  If you stand up for your honor, that too will be a matter
for the police and the courts, so you had better be sure that there was
no alternative.  You will be mighty sorry if you deliver a solid punch
and the guy turns out to have a weak heart.

--Jim

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