From: CREECH@LSTC2VM.stortek.com (Teresa Creech)
Subject: Re: Juggling Work and Family
Organization: StorageTek SW Engineering
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 14:51:52 GMT

In article <2622@tymix.Tymnet.COM>
dhouge@quasar.Tymnet.COM (Diana Houge) writes:
 
>I had to return to work part time when my little boy was 8 weeks old.
>(Markus Adam Houge - born June 15, 1992, 8lbs. 3oz. ;)
>My company does have the family leave policy, but taking that time means
>going without pay and paying for your health insurance yourself (In my
>case this would be around $500/mo. to cover myself, my husband and my
>baby.)  We could not financially afford this.  My baby is now a few days
>away from being 4 months old and I had to return to work full time.
>
>What I would like to hear is how other parents have dealt with this
>situation.  I know there are alot of you out there having to work 40
>hours a weeks, not to count commute time, and have an infant in daycare
>or with a sitter.
>
>I do know that I am fighting the tears almost everyday, missing my baby
>and wondering what new accomplishment my sitter will see first and not
>me.
>
>My husband and I live within very modest means.  We own an average track
>house and own two cars, (one paid for).  I guess I should mention we live
>in San Jose, CA., where an average track house is defined as $230k.  We
>were lucky to buy one a few years ago for $180k.  It takes both our
>incomes to make the mortgage and pay the bills.  So I can't just quit
>and I don't care to hear from those who say you shouldn't have a baby
>if you can't afford one. We would have to wait until we were 60 in that
>case!  We love little Mark more than I could have
>ever imagined possible and we are able to provide him with tons of love
>and attention, but I need to know how to deal with the terrible guilt and
>the empty space I feel all day without him.
>
>-----
>Diana Houge
>BT North America
>San Jose, CA
>dhouge@dialcom.Tymnet.COM
>*All opinions are mine and not my employers*
 
Diana,
I was in much the same position with my first baby.  Hang in there.  It'll
work out.  As your baby gets a little older, you will see that your son
will *know* that you are Mom and that Dad is Dad and that the babysitter
is the babysitter.  It all works out.  The time you spend with him in the
evening is very valuable and since there's one of him and two of you, he
will get lots of attention.  The time spent at daycare will be valuable
too, when he's older, because being around other kids will teach him a whole
lot.
 
You have to be organized to be a working mother.  Throw in a load of laundry
before you go to bed at night and then toss it in the drier in the morning.
Take one large shopping trip rather than several small ones.  There's lots of
things you can do to save time!
 
Don't waste time feeling sad at work.  Work hard to be very valuable to your
company.  That way, when you need some time off to attend a school program or
to help when the class goes to the zoo they will say "Sure, go right ahead."
Or, if the company offers flex time (maybe working 4 10-hour days), you can
apply and be accepted.  Wouldn't being home with your son an extra day a
week be worth the extra effort?
 
I wouldn't worry too much about missing too many 'firsts'.  I found that we got
to see most of them, simply because we were the ones who encouraged our
children.  The daycare provider is simply too busy to go around trying to get
all the kids to walk all day!!!  On the rare occasion when the sitter saw the
'first', It was really neat to hear her account of it and then go home at
night and spend a considerable amount of effort in trying to get the 'first'
repeated.  Some of the 'firsts' you do have total control over - first solid
food, first cup, first airplane ride, etc.
 
Hang in there.  It gets better.  Be careful not to go to work with a burping
diaper on your shoulder like I did!!!
Teresa (Mom to Kelly age 9, Katie age 6 1/2, and Tim and Tom age 3)
 
PS If you need/want to work (like me) and intend to have more than 2 children,
   think twice :-)