HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ssc@nwu.edu (Steven Chung)
Subject: Re: tiredness.
Originator: schung@casbah.acns.nwu.edu
Organization: Northwestern University, Evanston Illinois.
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 00:13:02 GMT

In article <1992Sep28.135607.21439@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu> rfarmer@nyx.cs.du.edu (Rex Farmer) writes:

# ranks of bookcases filled with hardcover science fiction and non-fiction

This probably causes, say, 50% of the angst.

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: bena@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Ben Aveling)
Subject: Re: Pat Buchanan
Organization: Monash University General Access Unix
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Sun, 4 Oct 1992 02:29:16 GMT

Thomas A. Dennis (dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu) wrote:
: In <BvGBDn.Er1@umassd.edu> pmsc13sg@UMASSD.EDU (Stephen Grossman) writes:
: 
: >    In a recent column, Pat Buchanan referred to a "pre-born child." Does this
: >mean that Buchanan is a pre-dead corpse and that steak is pre-fecal matter?
: >The possibilities are mind-boggling.
: 
: I prefer to think of Pat B. as "pre-human" or perhaps even "pre-mammalian."  
: But the "pre-corpse" option does sound mighty cheerful.
:
You wouldn't be suggesting retrospective abortion or involuntary
euthanasia for him would you :-)

	Ben
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: randy@rdr.com (Randy Tidd)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: numb
Date: 27 Sep 92 06:57:52 GMT
Reply-To: randy@rdr.com (Randy Tidd)
Organization: RDR, Inc.

numb

about a week ago i discovered that my fingertips were numb.  they had  
been losing some sensation, gradually, until one day i realized that  
they were completely devoid of feeling from the first joint down.   
all ten fingers felt like they had invisible rubber pads on them,  
insulating them from everything i tried to touch.

gradually it got worse.  as the numbness crept down my fingers, other  
extremeties started losing their feeling, too.  my toes started  
going, from smallest to biggest.  i had trouble walking; it felt like  
i had permanent frostbite on my toes.

i used to amuse myself by poking at my fingers with a straight pin,  
in an effort to feel something.  i drew blood a few times, but it  
seemed like it was not really blood but some sort of stage makeup  
because there was no pain involved.  i cut myself pretty good on my  
thumb, and didn't realize it until the warm blood had flowed halfway  
down my arm.  i bandaged my thumb clumsily with numb fingers, like  
wrapping up a piece of meat.

when both of my hands were numb from the wrist down and i couldn't  
feel my ankles, my penis started to go.  i started to panic.  in an  
effort to feel something, anything, i forced a pin all the way  
through my penis with the heel of my hand.  there was little blood,  
and i felt absolutely nothing.  i dumped alcohol all over my genitals  
to make sure the puncture didn't get infected, and it seems to be  
healing nicely.

here i sit, typing this with a pencil clenched between my teeth.  my  
tongue is numb, and because of the red stains on my shirt i think  
i've cut my gums or lips with the pencil.  the skin of my face is a  
rubber mask.  i keep flailing my limbs around and bumping them into  
things, hoping they will wake up -- but there isn't even the  
slightest tingling to indicate that they are asleep.  they are dead.

i am incapable of feeling anything, i am devoid of all sensation.  i  
will never again experience pain.  nothing will hurt me again.  i  
also know that i will never feel anything good either.  but i don't  
mind.  it is a small price to pay to be spared from the pain.
From: llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: random screams
Date: 4 Oct 92 19:38:00 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

i hate my fucking newsfeed that's *always* three days behind. always.
i hate it; i feel so out of touch now that i've realized that i am,
indeed, out of touch.

i hate discovering that everything i've ever wanted is half a
continent away.

i love my job, but i hate it. i call people from a list and offer them
a credit card with a major bank that has a phenomenally low interest
rate and no annual fee and they act like i've broken into their
breakfast nook with an uzi, shot their dog, kicked their kid, and
trampled on their scrambled eggs.

i hate having been really really good at my job the first week; the
pressure is too much. i want to be the best or not at all.

i hate the good samaritan who offered to help me last friday night.

i hate this headache i've had for a while now.

i'm tired and achy and depressed. and even if anyone else feels the
same way, i won't know about it until next wednesday sometime.

i hate that you can't kiss someone through a telephone.

--
sine nomine | debbie martinson
"i want you to know i feel completely at ease. you read me like a book
that's fallen down between your knees. please let me have my way with
you" -- crowded house
From: hennessy@acsu.buffalo.edu (DOG BASEBALL!!!)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: wow, does anyone else do this?
Date: 5 Oct 92 17:08:11 GMT
Organization: Ministry of Information, Lower Volta.


	I find lately that when I'm in a down, defeated, nada mood, I tend to
drift to ASH.  when I'm in a relatively upbeat mood, I lurk here.  scary,
isn't it?  feeling so optimistic I read _THIS_ group.  
	oh, I've gone and depressed myself again.  hm.

	Another scary thing:  I've been given to random violent imaginations
lately.. like building large bombs and going on a daytrip to washington,
renting a car under an assumed name, and blowing up various houses of
government.  Or randomly driving cars packed with explosives into police
stations..  I think this stems from having absolutely no power (or the
perception of no power, which is essentially the same thing) and wanting to
just "Kill 'em all".  Of course my self control is holding me back (and my
inherent laziness) but remember if the news reports acts of random terror in
the Buffalo area, you heard it here first.

	Well, enough of that, time to study something.


-- 
   /I\          Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
  /(*)\         hennessy@acsu.buffalo.edu                 
 /IIIII\        "Leave EVERYTHING to ME!" - Powdered Toast Man       
/IIIIIII\       Happiness is a warm gun.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: boerp@midget.saar.de (John Boerp)
Subject: Re: wimmin!
Organization: Yoyodyne Posting Systems, Midget HQ
Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1992 11:12:33 GMT

ABienek@acorn.co.uk (Alex Bienek) writes:

>In article <1992Sep15.191733.27756@utkux1.utk.edu> kovarik@utkux1.utk.edu (StMeechTheChased) writes:

>>The things I am looking for as far as non-standardness in other people
>>is an ability to move among the different groups without really being 
>>a part of any of them.

>But then again, its probably that very ability or type of behaviour
>which results in one reading and posting on alt.angst.
>Sure you can move among the groups, see them all for what they
>are, their good points, their bigotries, but you never gain
>that feeling of belonging which, like it or not, is probably
>the key to security and self-confidence.

Probably it is. But what do you do when everywhere you go and with all
the people you meet you get the feeling that you don't belong to this
particular place or the people?

  A r n d
From: blosser_cy@lrc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Hello Rachel! =) (wuz: HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE???)
Date: 28 Sep 92 16:28:06 GMT
Organization: Lenoir-Rhyne College, Hickory, NC

> ah yes, mr. blosser. it's been a while.....

Yes it has, hasn't it? 

Feels good to be back, tho'...damned good. =)

Alive? 

How many of you know you're ALIVE? 

how many of us are content to work 9-5 every day, 
go home, grab a cold beer, 
and sit in front of the television watching stupid commercials
whilst our frozen dinner is nuked in the microwave? 

how many of us are content to be a cog in the corporate machine?
carrying about our assigned tasks like mindless automatons,
neither thinking nor caring nor expressing the merest hint of compassion,
but working, working, working,
living for the sole purpose of doing our job and kissing up to the boss--
hoping for that raise which never comes.

how many of us choose to wallow in the mire of apathy
while the biased media and the corrupt politicians and the government
feeds us line after line of bullshit which we so heartily devour?

how many of us stop to think, 
to contemplate our mortal existence,
to ponder our eventual demise,
to be aware of the fact that we are *alive*
and wake up from the stupor of this artificial fast-food culture???

> but i digress. sometimes i wish i weren't alive. 

everybody wishes they weren't alive at one time or another...sometimes it
is hard to fight against the mounting odds that threaten to overwhelm us,
drag us down, snuff out the flame of our souls.

>insensitive, moronic assholes tend to make me want to give up. 

likewise. but sometimes it takes a message like that to burst through the
emotionless bubble that surrounds us as we go about our day-to-day exist-
ence...but perhaps it should have been directed to a different newsgroup?

>because even if i am as nice as i can be, it still doesn't change anything. 
>it is still considered geeky to care, to have emotions. 
>cool and tough is in. 
>and i don't like people without a soft side.

wake up. 
wake others up.
learn to care about each other.
live with one another in peace.
tho' we are but passing strangers in this cold dark universe,
a little love 
can ease the pain of existence.

=)

> bah.

you don't sound so happy...hope you have a nice day.

glad to see you're alive. 

christopher
From: dennis@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Thomas A. Dennis)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: You asked for it
Date: 2 Oct 92 18:54:10 GMT
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana

In <80878@ut-emx.uucp> llama@pooh.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine) writes:

>Troy Terry (troyt@soda.berkeley.edu) wrote:
>: I have all these problems and nobody cares.  I guess it really
>: sucks to be me.  Bummer.

>rephrase: i guess it really sucks to be.

>i mean, does anyone really care about all the problems other people
>have? 

I think that there are a lot of people who would like to care, but pull
back when they find out just how little they're able to help others with
their problems, due either to their own personal limitations or the other
person's inability/unwillingness to be helped.  I don't think that many 
people actually LIKE being crucified, but they'd scream at you if you started
to pull the nails out.

>we may not be islands, but we're peninsulas.

Amen, sister.
--

Tom Dennis                    |  I looked into the abyss,
dennis@alexia.uiuc.edu        |    and the abyss looked into me--
tadg0614@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu     |      and we both winked.
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: ngibbins@dcs.warwick.ac.uk (Nick Gibbins)
Subject: Re: You asked for it
Summary: apathy, more like
Keywords: angst
Organization: Department of Computer Science, Warwick University, England
Date: Mon, 28 Sep 1992 22:22:36 GMT

In article troyt@soda.berkeley.edu (Troy Terry) writes:
>I have all these problems and nobody cares.  I guess it really
>sucks to be me.  Bummer.

Angst? Huh...far too much effort. It's so much easier to be apathetic. I would
be angstful, but I just can't be bothered. Bummer.

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: zeke@dante.uucp (zero kelvin)
Subject: Re: Indian burn
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 92 17:06:43 GMT
Organization: H&A Computer Services

randy@rdr.com (Randy Tidd) writes:
: 
: My brother used to play this trick on me.  He told me to roll up my  
: sleeve and close my eyes.  He'd touch my forearm real lightly, and  
: say "can you feel that?".  I'd say "yes".  So he'd touch me again, a  
: little lighter this time, and say "can you feel that?", and I'd reply  
: "yes".  He'd keep doing that, touching lighter and lighter, waiting  
: longer and longer between touches, so I was sitting there with my arm  
: tingling, waiting for the smallest possible stimulus to be applied.  
: My sensitivity was cranked way up, my nerves stretched taught,  
: waiting.  Then he'd grab my wrist and scour his knuckles up and down  
: my arm, an "Indian burn".  It hurt so bad, and my arm would be sore  
: for an hour.
: 
: After having that happen once or twice I learned to say "no" and walk  
                                   ^^^^^
	really?
-- 

-zer0 kelvin

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: toj8j@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU (T.S. Eliot)
Subject: Corner Lot By Moonlight
Summary: original poem    
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 05:11:06 GMT

"Corner Lot by Moonlight" 

     Midnight and as the last reel of the movie finishes it flaps
crazily until it lifts off the projector and soars for a few feet, 
then bounces down and rolls away down the slick streets, making a 
sound not unlike the bouncing of tin cans behind a car with a "Just 
Married" sign on it.  A man sprouts from the ground, grimy and grey
with old dust.  It is Kafka, come back in an Edwardian sailor suit, 
his enormous ears creased & crushed flat against his head.  He nibbles 
the end of his forlorn mustache.  Then he jauntily dusts his clothing 
and shuffles after the echoing rolling reel, waving a stick and 
shouting "Just Married! Just Married! Just Married!" to the moon, 
the stars, the watching windows.
     The man in the house closes the curtains and rubs his eyes 
wearily.  He is a bachelor and is sick of solitude.  Suddenly he 
slides the window open again and calls after the shuffling manchild, 
"Not mere marriage alone will save me..."
     Kafka turns back as if to say, How do you know?  But he's dead 
and cannot complete the movement, metamorphosing as he looks back 
into a pile of white dust.
     The bachelor sniffs and goes to close the window, then breathes 
deep.  Damn, he thinks.  It smells of the sea.  He knows that when he 
awakens in the morning crying the salt will be Kafka and his own 
sorrow will mingle with it and be lost.	
   
copyright tim jarrett 1992 all rights reserved
From: wjw1@me1.MsState.Edu (Bill Wilson)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Arrogant Idiots
Date: 30 Sep 92 11:10:40 GMT
Organization: Mississippi State University


I take it you are pretty sure that the ScreamingBitchBossLadyFromHell
does not read news?

Oh no... wait... have I just created a NEW source of angst for you?

ObAngst: All this time to get stuff done... and somehow none of it
         ever gets done. Oh hell.

__
Bill Wilson : MSU Nuclear Engineering
slave to the waffle light
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: kleiner@eecs.nwu.edu (David Kleiner)
Subject: Re: Unexpected Optimism
Organization: EECS Department, Northwestern University
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 22:16:14 GMT

In article <1992Sep28.190429.25668@msuinfo.cl.msu.edu> klein@eecae.ee.msu.edu (Jeffrey Klein) writes:

[stuff deleted]

>
>TriviaQ: What song contains the word "cyclothymic"?

King Crimson's Three of a Perfect Pair

David


Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: iam30974@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (129-384320a-b)
Subject: Re: have a day
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 04:24:29 GMT
Keywords: today

ballms@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu (BALLMS) writes:

[...]
>crudeness and sincerity, 

Warm pico de gallo inside a cold and pasty bean burrito.

Tennis shoes that smell like commercially available cheddar-cheese popcorn.


--		There was an old woman who lived with cashews..
-ivan		she had so many hidden, she didn't know what to do.
-- 
Plato said it best when he said that his opinions were his alone, and not
necessarily those of the CCSO.   ___________________________________________
__________________________	|Of course, that's why he's where he is,    |
iam30974@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu |	|and I'm where I am... but I agree with him!|
From: zlsiida@fs1.mcc.ac.uk (dave budd)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: adjective of choice
Date: 2 Oct 92 10:31:18 GMT
Organization: Manchester Computing Centre

In article <1992Oct1.111805.29810@cm.cf.ac.uk> Benedict.M.Wightman@cm.cf.ac.uk (B M Wightman) writes:

>In article <1992Sep30.114157.15555@infodev.cam.ac.uk> mrf12@cus.cam.ac.uk (Marcus Frean) writes:
>>> bs584@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jeanne Leidy) writes:
>>>
>>>                    VICARIOUS
>>>
>>Uh huh, and what does it mean? I've been walking around for days with

>VICARIOUS (adj.) Seemingly similar to (in mannerism or form) clergy of
>                 the Church Of England

Must be a very old dictionary, coz for many years VICARIOUS has meant 
'getting your kicks by observing others', or near enough.
Like when a mother pushes a kid onto the stage coz she was never good 
enough herself...that kind of thing
Or like when a racist doesn't beat up blacks himself, but hangs around 
people who do and gets off on their stories about it, etc



              Have another day    [Armageddon, the musical] 
  Dave Budd, MCC, Oxford Rd, Manchester, England   (44|0)61-275-6033  
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: sokay@cyclone.mitre.org (Stephen J. Okay)
Subject: Re: Choosing a Major Angst...
Organization: Mitre Corporation, McLean, VA
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 13:09:47 GMT

In article <1992Sep29.043557.17007@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> toj8j@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU (T.S. Eliot) writes:
>
>Oh, to be a happy liberal-arts undergrad.  Instead I'm doing all the work
>of engineering, learning more, and lacking even their slim job futures.

Bah, Double Bah, Turbo Bah and every manifestation of Bah-ness upon you 
and both your houses sir if you think liberal-arts undergrads or even
grads for that matter are absent or lacking in their appreciation of
the finer things(read:Angst). 

I am here in an engineering company with a BA in English amongst a sea
of BSEEs MSEEs BSCSs and God knows how many PhDs, all of them telling me
I am  not worth the paper they scribble their quadratic equations on
because I don't have a degree like them. I have had to suffer the 
slings and arrows of outrageous officemates peering down their
nasal bridges at me because I could never get out of intro calculus.

And there was plenty of angst when I was in school too, knowing that there
probably wasn't a job out there for me, angsting away that I probably wouldn't
find anything, but taking comfort in that I wasn't moving lockstep like all the
business majors just for a degree but that I was doing it for the ART of it!
THEY were doing it for the piece of paper, I was doing it to actually LEARN 
something. Of course, that comforting martyrs thoughttrain was shattered 
about 3 months before graduation when I tried to find a job and realized
that my BA and $.60 would get me a Diet Coke....I ended up working here
only because of the fact that I had been a programming geek all through
high school and had worked at the University computer center for 3.5
years when I was there.

Now I'm not really sure what I want to study....I want to go back to school,
but not as an English Major. I'm entertaining ideas as different and as
varied as Astronomy and Animation...I need to decide soon too..

---Steve
-- 
Stephen Okay  sokay@mitre.org
"You see, I'm kind of this control freak who likes to create his own
personal hells before the real one can get to him. I like to beat hell
to hell so to speak".--Spalding Gray "Monster in a box"
Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: damon@umbc4.umbc.edu (Mr. Damon Kelly; ACS (RJE))
Subject: Age of Fermentation, was Re: min!
Organization: Univ. of MD, Baltimore County
Distribution: usa
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 18:50:17 GMT

In article <92265.161412IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET> IDJMW@ASUACAD.BITNET, , Princess of Pout writes:
>If 48 is geezer, than my 37 must just be geezer-in-training.....
>
>what a relief!
>

Well, shoot, I'm 22 and I feel like a geezer-in-training's
apprentice...and just to think that I thought things would just get
BETTER and BETTER after high school!  I never IMAGINED how much money
I would need to barely FUNCTION in the REAL WORLD!

"You've got time," other people say.  Yeah, right.  Dealing with bill
collectors has shortened my lifespan by about 15 years...sheesh.

-d
From: llama@tramp.cc.utexas.edu (sine nomine)
Newsgroups: alt.angst
Subject: Re: Hello Rachel! =) (wuz: HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE???)
Date: 4 Oct 92 19:10:44 GMT
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5

blosser_cy@lrc.edu wrote:

: Alive? 
: 
: How many of you know you're ALIVE? 

i think most of the regulars here. i've come to the conclusion that
there's no good way to be both *alive* and without pain; living means
that things hurt, and trying to avoid things hurting is why people
stop living years before they die. we want our lives to be perfume
commercials, not lives. nothing is perfect; life is messy, love is
messy, and even the coolest things can hurt you.

the people i've read on this group, though, seem to be aware that
living hurts and instead of running away from it, they're blaming
themselves and trying to figure out how to make it stop. they wonder
about all the things that are easier to just ignore. that qualifies as
being alive to me.

: how many of us are content to work 9-5 every day, 
: go home, grab a cold beer, 
: and sit in front of the television watching stupid commercials
: whilst our frozen dinner is nuked in the microwave? 

the ones who need to do that. it's sad, agreed, but it's thir choice.
i can't say my choices are superior for anyone but me. could it be
that these people who mystify me look at my life and shake their
heads: "no *way* i could live like that"?

: how many of us stop to think, 
: to contemplate our mortal existence,
: to ponder our eventual demise,
: to be aware of the fact that we are *alive*
: and wake up from the stupor of this artificial fast-food culture???

a lot more people than you think do. you're not terminally unique.
you're not hte only one to realize what a crock the system is. if you
come up with a workable plan for chaning it, though, and go on to get
that plan accomplished, you will be terminally unique.

: likewise. but sometimes it takes a message like that to burst through the
: emotionless bubble that surrounds us as we go about our day-to-day exist-
: ence...but perhaps it should have been directed to a different newsgroup?

emotionless? you don't seem to understand. it's not lack of emotions,
it's excess. everything reacts, everything feels, everything is there
and it's all too much. it's like being on a rollercoaster, to use a
tired analogy... the highs are awesome but they're matched by lows.

: wake up. 
: wake others up.
: learn to care about each other.
: live with one another in peace.
: tho' we are but passing strangers in this cold dark universe,
: a little love 
: can ease the pain of existence.

yeah, but sometimes it just makes things wore. and to quote a song i
like a lot, "there's nothing in this world that worse hurts than
paying out and receiving nothing in return" (roky erikson).

this isn't meant as a flame; i just felt like showing another facet of
the argument.

--
sine nomine
debbie martinson
"i don't want you to possess me but that's how it is; i ain't nothin 
but your slave of love" -- graham parker

Newsgroups: alt.angst
From: ssc@nwu.edu (Steven Chung)
Subject: Re: public bleeding and angst (mine is bigger than yours)
Originator: schung@casbah.acns.nwu.edu
Organization: Northwestern University, Evanston Illinois.
Date: Sun, 27 Sep 1992 19:34:15 GMT

In article <1a3d55INNho4@matt.ksu.ksu.edu> nexus@matt.ksu.ksu.edu (Abstractor) writes:
# 
# Pardon me, but is that a type of "inquiring minds want to know" question
# Don't get offended, I just don't understand why do you ask. Is that what
# you wanted to know from the whole story?

No and no.