From: amym@oakhill.sps.mot.com (Amy Moseley Rupp)
Subject: Birth Story (Long)
Organization: Motorola Inc., Austin Tx.
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 22:09:06 GMT

OK, here is the birth story:

As you may recall:

Elizabeth AnneMarie Rupp
November 4, 1992 at 10:05 pm CST
7 lbs 12 oz and 20 1/4" long
Apgars:  8 and 9

We scheduled the induction for Wednesday November the 4th, after some
great soul searching on my part, because the baby was going to be a little
under three weeks early.  I had been on bedrest for the previous four weeks
because of my high blood pressure and possible preeclampsia.  

The day before the induction I checked into the hospital for prostaglandin
gel insertion.  I had gained two pounds since the day before, a sign that
my preeclampsia was worsening.  (OK I had cheated a bit and went out
for dinner because the day before, November 2, was my anniversary.  It
was a great steak dinner but it didn't weigh two pounds.)

I had some prostaglandin inserted at 3pm and was on the monitor until 
5pm or so; it was very uncomfortable because my position was so limited
because the baby could only be heard in one particular spot.  They
blamed this on water retention, which was certainly possible.  I had
asked about the gel and asthma to my asthma doctor, who knew nothing
about it, and my OB, who said it was OK, although later I was reading
my chart and noted that asthma was a contraindication for the gel.  Oh
well!  Before the gel was started I was about 1 cm and 60% effaced.

I was supposed to get to go home for the night and come back the next
morning, but my OB's partner decided to keep me overnight.  At first
I was disappointed, but it turned out to be the best thing.  At 9 pm
I had a second dose of the gel.  We were watching the election returns
at this point, and immediately after I had the 9 pm dose the monitor
showed mild contractions about 3 minutes apart.  I had these all night
long, and could not sleep.  I was given a sleeping pill but this only
spaced me out; I still could not sleep.  At 4 am I noticed some bleeding,
but was encouraged that maybe the cervix was dilating and this was 
'bloody show.'  The blood increased and by 8 am was sort of heavy; enough
to concern a nurse.  My OB came and said the bleeding was OK, and
broke my waters.  She said, "You're going to be a mommy today!"  This
was exciting.

But I was still only 1-2 cm dilated and 70-80% effaced, despite all night
contractions!  This was discouraging, but I tried to ignore it.  I was
hooked up to magnesium sulfate for my blood pressure and then at 10 am
to oxytocin. I could not pace the halls or squat; I had to lie on my
left side the whole labour.  This was disappointing because I noticed
that the contractions were not so bad if I went to the restroom and
sat down.  

By 11.30 am or so, I asked for an epidural.  I was starting to tire
from being in labour all night the day before.  The contractions had
picked up steam.  I had no energy to 'work' with them; the last thing
I'd had to eat was the previous night's lovely hospital dinner of
swiss steak.  I was checked and told I was at 4 cm and could have
the epidural.

After the epidural I was convinced that labour was a piece of cake and
was planning to have more kids.  Each contraction I welcomed, and
tried to visualize cervical dilation.  I put in my contact lenses in
anticipation of delivering; I wanted a better view.
However, later in the afternoon it became clear that I was slowing down in my 
dilation.  I remained 'stuck' at 4 cm.  The oxytocin was at its maximum dose; 
I was starting to tire.  Around 5 pm the doctor came and inserted an internal 
pressure monitor (not fetal monitor) to check the contraction strength.  She
upped the oxytocin a little past normal.  Although the contractions
seemed adequate, I was not progressing.  I really started to weaken
now.  Around 7 pm I was almost delirious.  The epidural seemed to
have weakened and I could feel constant pressure from the baby's head.
I was excited about this, but when checked was at 6 cm.  However, 
the pressure turned into almost constant pain.  The OB checks grew
more and more serious.  Finally at 9 pm we decided on a Csection.
I did not want a section.  I had done everything I could to avoid one;
been faithful about asking the nurses to catheterize me so the bladder
would not hinder descent.  I was very scared and started to cry with
disappointment and fatigue.  The doctor explained the risks to me; I
was catheterized and my belly shaved.  I said goodbye to
my family (who were at the hospital) and my husband left to get changed.

On the operating table they put me in the 'crucifying' position with arms
perpendicular to the body on some hard slats.  I began to tremble in
this position.  I threw up.  I tried to bargain to get out of the deal;
I wanted to go home and forget the whole thing.  I hyperventilated.  

My doctor was wonderful!   She started counting with me to control
my breathing; she talked to me constantly to keep me company.  The
anesthesiologists were discussing medicine, and I heard them mention
Versed, which I DID NOT want and told them so.  I had a bad reaction
to it in the past, and besides it causes AMNESIA!  Isn't that stupid
to give a mother about to give birth an AMNESIA drug?  I wanted to
remember the birth.

I kept asking for my husband and finally he appeared.  I was shaking
violently by now and feeling the worst I'd felt in my whole life.  What
a difference from my confident labour of a few hours earlier!  I was
very scared of the section but the doctor began around 10 pm and
then around 10:05 pm I heard the OB say, "stand up Ed and see your
daughter born."  I heard the baby start to cry.  However thanks to
the drugs they'd given me and fatigue, I did not feel much.

They swaddled the baby and whisked her past me; I got to see her eyes only
for about two seconds and she was off to the nursery.  She had some slight 
problems breathing at first and was grunting; she was assessed at 35.5 weeks
gestational age, despite her large size for that age.  

They wheeled me to recovery where I continued to feel awful and shake despite
warm blankets.  My parents and husband came in to see me.  Eventually my
husband came in with some video of the baby in the delivery room and 
in the nursery which I watched a little of but was so tired I could not
watch much.  At some point he left to spend the night next door in a bed
(they would not allow a bed in the 'recovery' room which I was alone in).
I woke up alone and began to call for help;  I was in a seizure bed
which is like a cage, and couldn't reach a call button.  So I began
to yell, softly at first, then louder.  I was incredibly lonely.  My
husband came in and spent the night in a chair which I will be eternally
grateful for!  

Later that night they came in to check my bleeding, which was fairly
heavy.  They did the dreaded pushing on the uterus and I begged constantly
for mercy through the whole thing.  I told the nurse I realized it was
her job to do this and I was sorry for pleading throughout, but that
it really hurt.  Eventually the bleeding slowed down.

What a difference from my expectations!  I did not feel any emotion when
my baby was born.  I didn't even feel like I had a baby!  Instead of
nursing on the delivery table I was shaking and throwing up and my
baby whisked away from me!  I was so prepared for a vaginal birth; all
my preferences known and researched.  My doctor had assured me that
a Csection was unlikely and here I was with one.  The anesthesia had
wiped me out (not the epidural, but whatever else they gave me); my
husband had forgotten about the camcorder in the heat of the moment, and
instead of pictures of the baby emerging from my stomach, which although
gory would have made it more real for me, had only pictures of the
baby getting cleaned up afterwards.  I'm grateful for those pictures,
but still.  My parents and MIL got to see the baby more completely before I
did.  

Uggh.

The next morning they brought the baby to me and I held her.  I felt no
crashing waves of emotion, which disappointed me, but I was still on
lots of drugs.  The first thing I noticed was how sweet she smelled.
It took some days to 'bond' with her, but we have bonded now!

One day in the hospital we took a walk.  I walked by a labour room
and heard counting going on and pushing.  I began to cry softly because
I had failed to push my baby out; I had missed out on that experience.
I was so disappointed.  Instead of feeling euphoria, I was limping down the hall
with every step great pain.  It took a while to work through these feelings.

I wish everyone would plan a Csection with the same detail as the
vaginal delivery.  I feel Bradley classes failed me on this point; they
teach a lot on how to avoid a section, but nothing on what to plan for
in the event that you have to have one.  I would have wanted my husband
to take more pictures.  I should have discussed my anesthesia options
so that I wasn't given or offered amnesia drugs.  I should have insisted
on seeing more than two seconds of the baby; although she needed some
treatment after birth it was not an emergency and I could have seen
her for a couple of minutes.  I was so prepared for a vaginal birth
and so ill prepared for a section.  I am now terrified to have
another baby!  Although looking at this one I want 10 more.

Please, everyone about to have a baby, consider the questions I
have asked above.  In a Csection everything moves fast and you 
do not have time or the head to make these decisions.  Discuss them
beforehand even if you are convinced you'll deliver vaginally.

Overall I am happy and delighted with our healthy beautiful daughter.
I have so many new mom questions, but I think I'll save them for another
post.  My great thanks to everyone on the net who has helped me through
my pregnancy; it had a wonderful ending, my lovely daughter who will
be two weeks old tomorrow.
-- 
Amy Moseley Rupp			Needed:  one witty, appropriate,
amym@oakhill.sps.mot.com		businesslike .sig that will perfectly
(512) 329-7117				reflect my philosophy of life and will
3 weeks and counting			fit in four lines or less.