HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: hi
From: Tariq Andre Mahadeo <tm3j+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 02:28:36 -0400 
Organization: Freshman, H&SS general, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA

to whoever started this:
    thank you, very much.
    someday, when i have enough time to organize my thoughts, i'll post
something.
    again, thank you. 
                                        --Tariq
From: anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: a question and comments
Date: 3 Oct 92 00:47:55 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

i was recently put on an anti-depressant called Zoloft...
has anyone heard of this? good/bad experiences?

i'm heading back to classes on Mon...i've been out since Monday last....
i didn't leave my room for about 3 days...and i lost about 8-10lbs due
to not really eating....
only cut myself once through it all..pretty good i guess....
well that's my update..
Jasmyne



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Thoughts and a welcome!
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 04:45:21 GMT

fsacp@acad3.alaska.edu writes:

>Vickie, and everyone else who has the courage to post here!

>  Congratulations I was glad to see that you finally posted.

>I've been doing ok lately, just kinda working at my own pace.
>I never really realized how uncomfortable I am around men I don't know until
>lastnight when a close friend and I were sitting in Denny's at 3:30 in the
>morning.  This guy at the next table started talking to us and reaching through
>the sectional between the 2 tables.  He was drunk off his ass to begin with
>which didn't help matters any.  My friend saw that I was uncomfortable and was
>doing her best to make the situation more comfortable, because she didn't want
>a scene, which I agree especially with the guy being drunk.  He was trying to
>stick a frenchfrie in my face an I was turning the other way.  I felt violated
>in many ways.  I can't remember the last time I felt that way.  I mean a year
>ago this past spring, I didn't seem to have a problem with strange men that
>would come to where I was going to school (after I had talked to them on Relay)
>and I would happily jump in the sack with them!
>Just some thoughts!
>Jay

yuck.  sounds very unpleasant.  however, it also sounds like you're doing a
great job of resetting your personal boundries to where they belong, which is
why you felt violated by the drunken fool.  not pleasant, but i strongly
suspect that it is a far healthier thing to do in the long run.  hang in there,
i think you're doing great.
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower)
Subject: Re: for those considering Final
Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand.
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1992 20:18:23 GMT

In article <BvE5IM.3I0.2@cs.cmu.edu> anonymus+322@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (poohbear) writes:
>a khijol poster wrote: 
>
>>Subject: for those considering Final
>>Message-ID: <9209300713.AA10367@saturn.upl.com>
>>Date: 30 Sep 92 07:13:19 GMT
>
>>X-ANON-Version: 0.5
>
>>I am that little piece of you that is detached from you, sitting here
>>listening to you blather on about how you'd like to end it all.  I'm here to
>>put a bug in your ear: Why do that?  That's no fun!
>
>this fun part doesn't really figure in for me.
>
>>You have total
>>control over your environment - you just don't remember that.  You can make
>>things easy for yourself, or hard.  You've set up the game so that things
>>are hard for you, just so you can have the challenge of turning "bad" into
>>"good".
>
>my control, even now, is not something i've mastered.  i may be able to
>choose not to put myself in a dangerous situation, and be able to
>control at least something.  i am not in control when i leave myself.  i am
>not in control when i cut.
>
>i DID NOT set up my game.  that was NOT my choice.  i am not by base
>nature masochistic.  i am warped that way now, but i didn;t start that way.
>i am not in this for an ego trip.
[...]
>poohbear, crawling back into her temporary hole because right now she is
>choosing to put the healing on hold.  hold.  she sees this as helping
>herself right now, not wimping or being pitiful.


That was brilliant, Poohbear.

I can see that your self esteem is starting to improve, even though it
is still shaky.


Gavin
-- 
Tomorrow's Society                              | flower_g@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
    Depends on                                   ----------------------------
Today's Children  - help us raise them properly! 
*******  These comments have no known correlation with dept. policy!  *******
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote)
Subject: Re: I can't post about me but....
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 20:16:38 GMT


I have been reading and posting to this newsgroup for about 5 months now.
I really value prisoner's posts.  In some ways I strongly empathize with
the struggle with shame.  For me there are big complicated issues wrapped
up in my being a man, in what was done to me, and in what I have done to
those close to me.  I have a tremendous difficulty acknowledging shame in
my life and getting beyond it.  

Prisoner you are a unique enough person that if you posted under another
anon id many would come to know you, and the same is true for many of us.
You are not so unique that your posts are not relevant to asar - which it
sounds like you already know :).  I for one welcome you back with open arms
and welcome whatever you feel like posting.

--

Fare Well
Mike Stoughton
stote@den.mmc.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1250@twwells.com
Subject: not feeling wanted and relationships
Date: Mon, 28 Sep 1992 20:42:05 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

Hi. This is my first message to this group; it frightens me, but I'm 
going to be as forthright as I can about what's frightening me - what 
I'm obsessing about.
    First of all, I'm hitting a big area of hurt for me:  feeling that
my mother and father (mother especially) did not want me.  Not only did
my mother sexually abuse me; she couldn't see nor appreciate *me* as I
was (nor could my father, for different reasons). My mother needed me
to reflect *her image* back to her.  Never do I remember feeling seen
or heard by her.  I always tried to be what she wanted me to be; that
never seemed to be *me*!
     I'm almost 30 years old, a gay male.  In the past few years I've
learned to love myself, am learning, and more recently, to like myself.
That makes this feeling of not being wanted, even as a child, so much
harder to take.  It hurts a lot.
     A few weeks ago, I met a man who lives almost 1500 miles away.
During the 8 or 9 hours we spent together, we seemed to connect in a
very profound way, a way that made me want to spend more time (as he
says he'd like to do).  Since then, I've been wondering how it is we
can develop a relationship with so much distance between us.  I get 
scared because so much seems to ride on a relationship developing with
him. I wrote him, saying that we need to define what we want out of 
this, and how we're going to go about it, or if we're even going to try,
But I haven't called him to talk w/him about the letter, or what his
thoughts are.
     Now, with these feelings of not being wanted coming to the surface,
I'm not even sure I should be getting involved with anyone, let alone
someone who lives 1,500 miles away.  I want to do the right thing for
myself.  I also want to give this guy and me a chance.  I know it's quite
a long shot, but it really was an incredible time spent with him.  (There
is obviously an attraction, but I feel it's important for you to know that
the time we spent together was not sexual.  Most of the time we spent
talking to each other).  Thanks for any replies.  "Stumbling".



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From: anonymus+521@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Subject: Here I sit.
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Sun, 27 Sep 1992 03:31:18 GMT

	Here I sit on another lonely Saturday night, thinking.
	It seems like I'm cursed to be involved with an abusive partner
everytime I come out of my shell and try to get serious with someone.  It's
curious that my partners always have similar backgrounds and upbringings:

	their Fathers were adulterous 
	     ...were short, stumpy, short-haired men somehow involved with
airplanes (Air Force, air traffic controller,...)
	Come from wealthy families.
	Liberally oriented.
	their Mothers were psychologically disturbed and seeing counsellors
	     ...seemed like they hated men in a subtle, subliminal manner.

	My last partner was the worst yet.  Not only did this SO employ the
usual emotional and psychological abuse, but was violent and physically abusive
as well.  This last SO was a sexual manipulator as well, would use sex as a 
lever in our relationship to get what they wanted; was a control freak and
could only be comfortable in bed if they were on top (including oral or 
otherwise).
	So here I sit, feeling like I'm going to rot back inside my shell but
too afraid to come out.
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anonymus+845@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Subject: second post
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 16:44:35 GMT


This is my second post- it is a lot 
easier than my first one!

I am still feeling very insecure and lonely
all of a sudden.  I got divorced 2 yrs ago
after 22yrs of marriage and my children
are all grown- this is the first time since
I was 19 that I am alone-  and right now
it feel like the loneliest place in the world
because I just started dealing with my child-
hood sexual abuse now-  until now- I simply 
denied it, buried it, refused to deal with it.
I find that when I am by myself I sometimes panic-
because I can't help thinking about these things.
My "shrink" thinks that I need to mourn and face
these things now-  I know this is true- but I've
always had someone to look after and care for-
now there is only me and I'm having a hard time
doing that.

That is why I went so eagerly into 2 relationships
where the man really didn't care about me-- and I
got hurt-- I guess I wanted so desperately for
someone to care for me for a change-  well, now
I'm ready to "try it on my own"  and this is 
giving me a problem

Thanks for listening to my ramblings-  just "writing
this on paper" so to speak, helps
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From: sasnla@shadow.unx.sas.com (Nancy Agnew)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Falling off the edge ...... plink!
Date: 5 Oct 92 19:22:51 GMT
Organization: SAS Institute Inc.
Originator: sasnla@shadow.unx.sas.com


In article <BvKM1x.Mr8@twwells.com>, anon-1055@twwells.com (m&m) writes:
>
>That's the issue.  Simon & Garfunkel's song "I am a rock, I am an Island" was
>my theme song for years.  I am so tempted to go back, but if I do Michael
>will die, but if I don't it'll hurt so bad I'll die anyway!!!

oh, me too, me too.  I used that song from the first day I heard it.
I thought it was how things were supposed to be.....

>Why the fuck can't anybody care about me??!?!
>Why won't they show me ?!?!?!
>
>WHY CAN'T I FEEL IT ?

Michael --- I couldn't feel it until I learned I could love myself.
That sounds simple to do (after all, that is just admitting to the
possibility, not actually doing it), but it was a long, hard, painful 
process.  But you know what, I didn't die.   I felt ashamed of my 
neediness, and stupid about how long it was taking, and weak for having any of
this trouble to begin with, and scornful that I couldn't maintain
my shield any longer, and wistful because I really, really wanted
someone to come and tell me that I was ok -- that it was ok to exist
as a person.  And that same sense of isolation.  That, too.  There
were also lots of other doubts about myself that clouded my thinking 
and my perception of who I was and how others saw me.

I wish I could tell you exactly what you need to do for the pain
to go away right now, but I can't.   I think Bob Boyd has the
right idea about facing your pain -- I ducked it for as long as I
could, and did things in little pieces that felt manageable to me.

I guess that's the key -- do what you can at any given time.  Keep
thinking in terms of progress and growth, but be aware that at times
it feels like slipping backwards.  If you can find a way to believe in
yourself, I think you'll be able to feel that others love you and
care about you.  That's what it took for me.  I know I'm going to have
more hard times in the future, but now there is a kernel of belief
in there that seems to be making a big difference.  I hope you can find
a way to get there.

It isn't always this hard, Michael.  Hang in there.... 
if it helps, something that really helped me through some rough
times:  "no matter what is happening right now, it isn't as bad as
the abuse was when it was going on".  Maybe it won't help you, but
I used it pretty often at times.

best wishes,
NLA
-- 
Nancy Agnew                         sasnla@unx.sas.com
SAS Institute Inc,  SAS Campus Dr,  Cary NC 27513-2414
My company's opinions are not likely mine, and vice versa.
From: aatresa@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Thanks for the support
Date: 29 Sep 92 17:44:00 GMT
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41


I just wanted to thank everyone for the support I was given recently.  I'm 
doing slightly better, though physical problems are getting me now.
I am one of those over-achievers.  And now, because I wouldn't slow down 
any other way, my body is forcing me to slow down.  Instead of being down 
and having that sap my energy, I have no energy which is bring me down.

If it's not one thing, it's another!  :-)

One of these days I'll learn that there is a *whole* Teresa...body, mind, 
soul, and that it *all* has to be taken care of or the part that is being 
neglected will throw all the others out of whack too!

Gentleness to all
-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
From: anon-admin@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Request
Date: 4 Oct 92 03:21:52 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Message Service at twwells.com

In article <krikket.9533@meltdown.chi.il.us> krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'krikket' Krick) writes:
: Also, I seem to remember a way for people to post to ASAR via Email...  Does
: anyone out there know how to do this?

There is supposed to be a gateway at ucbvax.berkeley.edu,
something like alt.sexual.abuse.recovery@ucbvax.berkeley.edu or
alt-sexual-abuse-recovery@ucbvax-berkeley-edu. I don't know the
details.

:                                        (Or should Email just be sent to one of
: the Anon posting services and let them forward the stuff?)

You can do that with my service, if you wish; I won't speak for
any of the others.

BTW, I am now in a position to forward the newsgroup via e-mail
to people who could not otherwise read it. Send e-mail if you'd
like information on this.
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: Falling off the edge ...... plink!
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 01:01:49 GMT

In article <BvKM1x.Mr8@twwells.com> anon-1055@twwells.com (m&m) writes:
>That's the issue.  Simon & Garfunkel's song "I am a rock, I am an Island" was
>my theme song for years.  I am so tempted to go back, but if I do Michael
>will die, but if I don't it'll hurt so bad I'll die anyway!!!

Michael, 

I hope you're speaking figuratively...  you won't die from this pain.
I know it REALLY hurts, but it will not kill you (I'm assuiming you're 
in reasonable physical health - if not, *please* get to a doctor or
appropriate health professional ASAP).  Going *through* this pain is
the only way to get better.  I wish there was an easier way, but there
isn't.  Please accept an e-hug from me - !HUG!

Holly
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: A thought
Date: 2 Oct 92 23:41:49 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)

In article <1992Oct2.182658.24104@SSD.intel.com> warton@ssd.intel.com (Peter Warton) writes:
>I want to comment (and solicit comments) about *why* these people need to deny
>another's pain.  I think that when someone whose had stuffed there pain (or
>feelings for that matter) for a long time sees someone else in pain, they 
>get triggered, they recognize their own pain subconciously.  I'd really
>like to hear from someone else who has grappled with this particular 'why.'

I think you summed it up pretty well.  BTW, I'm re-reading one of John
Bradshaw's books, and he said pretty much the same thing.

Holly

-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)     
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anonymus+322@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (poohbear)
Subject: Re: book review
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Sun, 27 Sep 1992 04:12:59 GMT

 doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner) talked about a new book and apassage from it.


>Flying in Place, by Susan Palwick
>Copyright (C) 1992 by Susan Palwick
>Published by Tom Doherty Associates, Inc.
>175 Fifth Ave, New York, NY  10010
>

>[Much later, Emma (the protagonist) has decided to fight for herself,
>her life, and for any other girls her father might attack.  She is
>screaming, kicking, and calling for Mom.  She's also being beat very
>badly. Just as she thinks that she will be killed,]
>"... Tom Halloran stood behind him, my father's collar in one hand and
>Jane's baseball bat in the other.
>
	"`If you touch that child again,` Tom said, his face beet-red,
>`I'll smash your skull in, you psychotic prick.`"
>--
>Doug Sojourner                       Hewlett Packard Company
>dsojourner@cdc.hp.com                California Design Center, 53U/84
>Telnet: 1-553-3171                   5301 Stevens Creek Blvd
>Phone:  (408) 553-3171               Santa Clara, CA  95052-8059

if only that could happen in 1 out of every 5 thousand...sigh.
it sounds like a good(=beneficial) book, but makes me think
that it would tend to plant a seen in people's mind that somehow,
there is someone who will fix it for them and hence they don't have
to look.  just me though


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From: anon-1005@twwells.com (Bones)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: abuse
Date: 1 Oct 92 00:03:31 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


I wish I could figure out how to include messages from others.  I used
to be able to do it but it's just one of those things that get lost.
Sometimes I know how to do things.....other times I don't.

This is in response to Ed Carp asking about my inclusion of a cult
reference in my mpd reply.  The message I was responding to included
a query about mpd and cult abuse.  I was just letting them know cult
experience wasn't in my background.



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@stein.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: Alaska Moments aka One Two Three Jump! (was Re: lawyers in Chicago
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Mon, 5 Oct 1992 04:27:58 GMT

welcome, vickie.  good to have you aboard.  i send to you my best wishes for
a happy life, and my hopes that we on asar can help you get one, as you will
surely help us.

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: for those considering Final - a new view
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1992 06:59:33 GMT

In article <9210030438.AA13856@saturn.upl.com> anonasar@khijol.UUCP writes:
>X-ANON-Version: 0.5
>
>
>
>In article <9209300713.AA10367@saturn.upl.com>, anonasar@khijol.UUCP writes:
>>
>	[ most of a unique point of view deleted ]
>
>>"But, it's not that easy!" you whine.  I'm here to remind you that it IS
>>that easy ...
>
>After reading (and re-reading) this most unique post, and having studied
>a lot of the type of things that I feel this person may have been trying
>to get out (not that I necessarily agree, mind you) I would like to offer
>an insight that I had today.
>
>I feel (IMHO) that some of the confusion (and objection) to the post may
>have been generated by a misunderstanding because of a choice of words.

Yeah, I got the feeling that the person was parroting something he'd 
read/heard somewhere but didn't completely understand...  I wish people
wouldn't do that...

Holly
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)