From: gardner@hale.ifa.hawaii.edu (Jonathan Gardner)
Subject: Callahan's: Or, a Vision in a Dream
Organization: Institute for Astronomy, Hawaii
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 10:07:24 GMT

The Space Cadet comes in through the French doors from Seawasp's
birthday party happily munching the last of a plate of honey-dew
melon. He steps up and places a dollar upon the bar. Mike hands him a
glass of a white liquid -- it looks like milk, but it seems to be
glowing faintly. He takes a long pull, and steps to the line. "You
know? This reminds me of a dream I had, long ago." His eyes glaze
over, and he begins to recite.


Callahan's: Or, a Vision in a Dream
--with apologies to Samuel Taylor Coleridge

On Usenet did Callahan
A virtual public house decree:
Where Alphanumeric electrons ran
Fiberoptics measureless to man
     Down to a newsgroup sea.
So virtual space of fertile ground
With Xwindows was girdled round:
Outside were meadows bright with birthday thrills,
Where fondue-laden tables lined the trees;
And here was wisdom ancient as the hills,
Ennobling love and fripperies.

But oh! that deep religious chasm which slanted
From talk to philosophically cover
A savage flame! as holy and enchanted
As e'er within the tiger rafters haunted
By Christians, atheists and demon-lovers!
But from this chasm, a dangerous mouse was seething,
To quench the flames Kzinti were breathing,
A mighty fountain momentarily was forced:
And from the hot tub half-intermitted burst
The nightstalking wizard vaulted like rebounding hail,
And Crazy John began a fearless wail:
And in the meadow Galdrin danced beyond
And spritesized clothing floated in the pond.
Five days meandering with mathematical motion,
And seatbelts buckled, the punsters ran,
Down through fiberoptics measureless to man,
To hugging kittens and Brumby's notions:
And 'mid this tumult Mike tended bar
And old cootessa told tales of yore.
     The public house provided pleasure
     The VPM and Pizza Boy combined;
     While there was heard Colorado's measure
     The punning peanut bowl to mine.
It was a miracle of rare device,
I drank my tea, made fresh, with ice.

     A D-sprite with a fairy's wand
     In a vision I did spy:
     It was a Montrealean maid,
     Singing sweetly, she played,
     In a wave pool, on a slide.
     Could I revive within me
     Her symphony and song,
     To such deep delight 'twould win me,
That with music loud and long,
I would build that virtual bar,
That sunny glade! That fireplace!
And all who heard would see them there,
And all should cry, Soapbox! Beware!
Like Dreamy Jim, his floating hair!
Bind him tightly, feet and hands,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Callahan's.


The Space Cadet snaps out of his reverie. Noticing the empty glass in
his hand, he flings it into the fireplace, and wanders, still slightly
dazed, back to the party in the meadow.

--
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Jon Gardner                                gardner@hale.ifa.hawaii.edu
Institute for Astronomy                           University of Hawaii
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Newsgroups: alt.callahans