From: tweaver@hobbes.kzoo.edu (Tim Weaver)
Subject: Re: Religious Jokes Wanted
Keywords: jokes, religious
Organization: Kalamazoo College
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 14:41:37 GMT

The Arch Bishop, the Pope and a Rabbi went on a fishing trip.  No sooner
did they row the boat out to the middle of the lake, when the Arch Bishop
throw up his hands and says "We forgot the bait, it's still in the car."
The Pope says "No problem" and proceeds to exit the boat and walk across
the surface of the water to the shore, retreive the bait from the car,
and return across the lake.  Now the Arch Bishop and the Pope go on
fishing trips all the time, and the Arch Bishop seems to take this all
in stride.  The Rabbi is new to these expeditions, and he is completely
astounded, but he does a pretty good job of keeping his suprise to himself.
After some time, they decide to break out the munchies, and it's discovered
that they left them in the car.  The Arch Bishop speaks up and says "I'll
get it, you went last time."  And proceeds to repeat the Pope's performance
across the water.  Now the Rabbi is feeling real self-conscious and thinking
to himself: <Why should I be astounded, it's just a matter of faith and I 
have as much faith as anybody.>  At that point the Arch Bishop says, 
"Wouldn't you know it, I got the lunch and forgot the wine.",  The Rabbi
jumps at the chance and blurts out, "I'll go" and leaps out of the boat
only to sink like a rock.   The Arch Bishop and the Pope look over the side,
look at each other and shake their heads.  And the Pope says to the Arch
Bishop: "Think we should tell him where the stones are?"
-----------

A town is flooding and the local minister escapes the water by climbing 
throught the bell tower to the roof.  But the water keeps rising.  Pretty
soon a boat comes by and the would-be rescuers urge him to get in.  He
refuses saying "You have a small boat and there are others in need of your
help.  The LORD will take care of me."  The boat leaves and the minister
takes a seat at the peak of the roof.  And the water keeps rising.  Later,
he's climing the steeple to keep above the water and another boat comes
by.  But the minister keeps a firm grip on the steeple saying.  "There
are others in need of your assistance, the LORD will take care of me."
The rescuers realizing that if they try to force him into the boat, will
only swamp it, so they have no choice but to leave him clinging to the
steeple.  And the water keeps rising.  Soon only his head is above water
as he clings to the cross on the top of the steeple.  But when the
rescue helicopter comes by, he only waves it off shouting.  "Go help others
who need you.  The LORD will take care of me."  Again, having no choice,
the helicopter pilot reluctantly leaves to rescue other townspeople.  And
the water keeps rising until finally it covers the minister and he drowns.
As his some what soggy spirit approaches the pearly gates, he acosts Peter
and says "I demand an explanation!  I spent my entire life in the service
of the LORD and when I most needed him, he left me to drown!"  And Peter
replies in astonishment, "I've never known the LORD to fail someone so
devoted to his service, this is serious, I'll take you right to him."
And as they approach the LORD, the minister steps forward and says, "You
promised that if I followed you, I would have no fear, no want, and you
would take care of me.  And yet you let me drown, I demand an explanation."
And the LORD looks down at the minister in confusion and says, "I don't
understand what happened, I sent two boats and a helicopter."
-- 
|Timothy E. Weaver           | Kalamazoo College  |  (616) 383-5656        |
|Database Programmer/Analyst | 1200 Academy       | These are MY opinions! |
|email:  tweaver@kzoo.edu    | Kalamazoo MI 49006 | Mine!!  Mine!!  Mine!! |
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