From: krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us (D. 'Krikket' Krick)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Psychodrama  **SPOILER WARNING**
Date: 6 Jan 93 05:42:44 CST
Organization: The Meltdown - A Team Star BBS

Well, I like the word Psychdrama.  I'm not improving any role, except my own...
 :)

Ahh well, I suppose I ought to put a

**Minor Spoiler Warning** on this message with

Contents:  MPD stuff

There.  That should catch the attention of the locals I know.  First let me
state that I am NOT a multiple.  I sometimes think that I'm on the verge of it
though, I'm just shy that final crack, which time may give on it's own.... 
Will give if things keep up as they have been!

(Right now I'm going through emotional hell, but I'm not going to post the
stuff, as I'm respecting the privacy of at least a couple friends known by
netters.  And a result has been decided upon.  I am ending being active friends
with Tara.  (Still going to be a friend, and there when I'm needed though!  I
just am going to put more space in there than there has been.)  Reason:  The
friendship has reached the point where it's become to rocky to pass without
causing myself serious damage.  I can't safely remain.  The self-preservation
thing.  Hopefully at some time in the future I'll be able to become as close as
I have been.  But not now.)

I was going to type in part of a letter I had written.  (The part regarding
myself and MPD.)  But upon re-reading it, I see that perhaps it would be best
not to, and just try to state things here.  So on we go.

Lately several friends have come up to me and told me that it's as if there
were two different prople in my head.  So needless to say, I've been doing a
bit of thinking on that subject.  I've already identified at least 4 different
personallities that conflict with each other in the way of actions and emotions
and reactions in a situation.  I know at least 3 of them have unique names, and
the 4th person is unnamed.  Or if he has a name, I don't know what it is.  I
think there is a 5th person with a name, but I'm not certian.  I was earlier
today, but my mind is slipping.  :(

That is why, at times, I get touchy about being called Doug.  Doug is merely a
watered down version of me with a lot of filters, censors, and masks in place
so he gives forth the image of being "politically correct".  Bleach.

And 630 (Six Three Oh) has come forth more regularly as of late.  I can't
always remember what happened when 630 is in control.  Last month or so, I
found myself in my car on Lower Wacker Drive with a friend in the passanger
seat.  I remember looking over and asking how the hell we got there...

Maybe I am beggining to fracture.  I don't think so though.  I still always
retain the same basic identity at all times.  I know what my legal name is, the
name my friends call me, where I was born, where I live, etc. at all times.  If
I start to lose that, then I'll truely by scared shitless!  I can deal with 630
preventing me from remembering some things.

Ahh well, I'm going to leave it here, for I am very tired, and if I don't stop
now, I won't be able to make one more post here that I wish to...  :)

Peace.

<><><><>
Krikket (a.k.a. Doug Krick)  ---  krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us
#include<std.disclaimers>    ---  an294@anon.penet.fi
anon-1214@twwells.com        ---  anon.77@pax.tpa.com.au

 "And the Germans killed the Jews.  And the Jews killed the Arabs.
  And the Arabs killed the hostages.  And that is the news."