From: cms@dragon.com (Spawn of a Jewish Carpenter (Cindy Smith))
Newsgroups: alt.usage.english
Subject: Re:  Letter to Foreign Words and Phrases Users
Date: 27 Sep 92 07:52:34 GMT
Organization: Computer Projects Unlimited


 Upon cleaning out my desk today, I found a letter I had written to a 
friend several years ago.  My friend frequently used foreign words and 
phrases in his speech and writing.  He's a good friend and this was 
written in jest.  I liked it so well I thought I'd type it in for the 
aeu crew.  By the way, if this group ever leaves the alt hierarchy, 
into what category would we place it?  Sci, rec, soc?  Anyway, the 
letter follows.  (By the way, his name is Don.)


To Whom It May Concern,

  Ab initio, your apparent affaire d'amour with foreign words in your  
writing, which is not, au contraire your own belief, belles-lettres, 
but de facto, a bete noire ad nauseam, has, ex post facto, caused most 
people, en masse, to view you as the agent provacateur of a casus 
belli with respect to this issue.  Ergo, I feel that I must, de jure, 
warn you that, Dei gratia, you are soon to be persona non grata.  I 
realize that perhaps your use of foreign words is the deus ex machina 
for your amoure-propre but, ante bellum, s'il vou plait practice 
Realpolitik and make this faux pas you have made with foreign words a 
non fait accompli.  I cannot, ex officio, say that all of your 
writings are not chef d'oeuvre since I do not possess carte blanche 
and chacun a son gout, but let's get this problem al fresco.  You are 
a likable, au fait persona, but without foreign words you seem to 
believe you would be au naturel.  Ave Maria!  et de Agnus Dei, Dom Don 
(pardone la profante), de trop foreigne verba is de trop!  I would 
dearly love to sit by in dolce far niente, but you have become similar 
to an enfante terrible and most other people are en rapport with me in 
this regard.  Again I am not ex cathedra, but flagrante vous delicto, 
you have driven me ad bellum.  This idee fixe you have with foreign 
words is not haute couture nor do foreign words make billet-doux nor 
is it beau geste to use them and it certainly hasn't brought you summa 
cum laude among your amigos, either, and, as a matter of fact, entre 
nous, I think it is infra dignitatem for you to use them so.  Perhaps 
I sound as though I am trying to act in loco parentis, but if you 
continue in statu quo with respect to foreign words, the 
aforementioned de algeur bellum will result, you will be dragged hors 
de combat, be determined in extremis, after which I will deliver the 
coup de grace, a coup d'etat par excellent.  Cave!  Furthermore, ex 
fait accompli, after you have set into rigor mortis, El Diablo will 
come de profundis and drag you to your new pied-a-terre, Deo gratias, 
and we will be rid of the enfante terrible.  Pro tempore, however, I 
maintain a policy of laissez faire, but the above message was no 
lapsus linguae, as can be noted loco citato.  Prima facie, all of 
this, in toto, may seem a little harsh, but, inter nos, I really don't 
mind your use of foreign words as long as you keep their usage to a 
minimum like I do.  Je ne sais quoi prompted a jeunesse doree like me 
to tell you all this, but perhaps it was not in vain.  Perhaps you 
will be a puer bonus and offer me quid pro quo by showing qui vive to 
this message, but quod erat demonstrandum.  Nonetheless, quien sabe?  
You're a rara avis, so I sure don't, but I can hope, despite the fact 
that I feel as though I have reductio foreign words ad absurdum.  
Maybe you experience a sang-froid sans souci of what I have just said, 
but, semper fidelis to my beliefs, I felt I had to let you know.  Man 
sagt that your speech is verily non mirabile dictu, but you apparently 
nil desperandum and usually continue on, n'est-ce pas?  You are, 
nevertheless, non compos mentis and non sequitur if you do continue 
this modus vivendi et operandi of yours, but this is not just another 
obiter dictum.  You are not, per se, all that bad, but vou peccavi, 
passim, and are a particeps criminis of your words.  This is piece de 
resistance.  If you do not straighten out then prosit!  Requiescat in 
pace, amigo, for after res gestae then sanctum sanctorum, sholom 
aleichem.  We will bury you tou de suit tout a fait sub rosa terra 
firma and your sui generis persona will no longer be a status quo on 
this world.  Tempus fugit, nicht wahr?  Vae Victis!  Verbum sapienti, 
Dom Don, comply, comprende?  Ave atque vale!  Alas, poor Don....

  Wie geht's in Hades, amigo?

Using my nom de plume,
   and alter ego,
      Spawn of a Jewish Carpenter

-- 

Cindy Smith              --  Spawn of a Jewish Carpenter
cms@dragon.com           ||  A Real Live Catholic in Georgia
emory!dragon!cms         ||  
><>                      /\  Woe to craven hearts and drooping hands,
Delay not your       .--/--\--.  to the sinner who treads a double path!
conversion       |----\/-||-\/----| Woe to the faint of heart who trust not,
to the Lord,     |----/\-||-/\----|   who therefore will have no shelter!
put it not off       `--\--/--'     Woe to you who have lost hope!
from day to day          \/   what will you do at the visitation of the Lord?
                         ||           
     -- Ecclesiasticus   ||           -- Ecclesiasticus/Ben Sira 2:12-14  
        /Ben Sira 5:8    --