From: Brian R. O'Hern (BRO'HERN)
Subject: Compiled Confuscios Sayings
Followup-To: same
Reply-To: ohernb@lonexb.rl.af.mil
Organization: USAF Rome Laboratory
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 24 Aug 92 10:48:53 GMT

I've compiled this list of the ole' Con-man's mutterings, adding a few
myself (although I'm not the author, I just remembered hearing them).

I apologize for not crediting authors, but I hate clutter when there are
good jokes to be read:

Confuscious says:

Men who put cream in tart, not always a baker
Man who live in glass house should dress in basement.
Man who walk middle of road get run over by bus.
He who let woman on top is fucking up.
People who make Confuscius joke speak bad English.
Man with hands in pockets feel cocky all day.
Man who lose key to girl-friends apartment gets no new-key.
Woman who fly upside-dowm have nasty crack-up.
Woman who goes to man's apt. for snack, gets tit-bit.
Man who lay woman on ground, gets peace on earth.
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.
Woman who spend much time on bedspring, may have offspring.
Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.
Man with holes in pockets feels cocky all day.
Man who snatch kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.
Man who fights wife all day gets no piece at night.
He who fishes in other mans well often catches crabs.
He who plays with self, pulls boner.
Boy who go to bed with sex problem, wake up with solution in hand.
Virgin like balloon--one prick--all gone.
Girl who douches with vinegar walks around with sour puss.
Girls should not marry basketball players--they dribble before they shoot.
Man with athletic finger, make broad jump.
Man who marry girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
Baby conceived in back seat of car with automatic transmission, grow up to be shiftless bastard.
Wife not part of furniture, unitl screwed on bed!
Sex on beach is like american beer......fucking near water!!!!
Man walking through swing doors is going to Bankok.
Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.
Man who cut fart in church have to sit in own pew.
Baseball all wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.
Woman who slides down banister makes monkey shine.
Woman who springs on springs this spring gets off spring next spring.
Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, smart man spread limb.
Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
Girl who marries man named Richard, must kiss Dick.
Woman with blonde hair may have black hair by crackie.
Man put in shit-house by wife end up in cat-house.
Man who go to sleep with itchy but, wake with smelly fingers.


BRO'HERN Electronics (RADAR) Engineer
____________________________________________________________________________
STD DISCLAIM APPLIES ('disClaim dat I make is no lie...)
Unless otherwise noted, I say what I say about what I think or thought with
total disregard for what the U. S. Air Force says or thinks and vice versa.
Built a new crapper & dubbed it "Star Trek"- "Where no man has gone before."
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Newsgroups: rec.humor,soc.culture.polish,alt.censorship