From: M18611@MBVM.Mitre.Org (Kathy Wilk)
Subject: Re: 20/20 SPANKING COMPLAINT
Organization: The MITRE Corporation, Bedford MA 01730
Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1992 16:14:28 GMT

In article <26149@optima.cs.arizona.edu>
shack@cs.arizona.edu (David Shackelford) writes:
>..                            My parents taught me that some things
>are somewhat important, some things are unimportant, some things are
>VERY important.  The rules that were VERY important got enforced with
>spankings, while the other rules that weren't so important got
>enforced with groundings or other punishments.  I almost never
>repeated something I got spanked for.  Anytime I did resulted in my
>parents re-evaluating the rule (going on what they've told me after
>the fact).
>
>Equally important, they rewarded VERY good behavior with something we
>REALLY wanted, SOMEWHAT good behavior with something we could do
>without but still liked, and AVERAGE behavior not at all.
>
>We even got to set SOME of the rules, and had enough influence to move
>rules from one catagory to another (usually downward).  An interesting
>thing all four of us kids agree on is that our parents might not have
>been strict enough.  We're very satisfied with the way our lives have
>turned out, and plan to use similar methods ourselves.
>
>What category would you place my parents in based on these
>descriptions?
 
  There are lots of categories for parents who spank, and those
who don't.  And I know parents who were too strict even without spanking,
and not strict enough though they do spank.  A post-mortem on my parents'
or your parents' discipline methods is interesting but as a son or daughter,
our judgements may be too harsh OR too generous.  'Had my parents enforced
my piano practice when I was a child, I might be a competent pianist today'
is just too easy to say!  Or, 'My parents did everything right because to-
day, I have a good job, etc., etc.'  Your judgements, opinions, and methods
of discipline my be revised - there is always that possibility.
  What I DON'T know about our parents, yours or mine, is what prevented them
from disciplining without spanking.  In my parents' case, I THINK they were
really young, came from big families with authoritarian styles of parenting,
and had little education.  They raised their kids with spanking the way they
were raised.  For you to 'follow in your parents' footsteps' might be a big
mistake - I don't know.  But thinking out the issue, I differ with parents.
  When I WAS younger, really young, as young as they were when they started
a family, I had not gone to college, and I had just 'graduated' from a home
with spanking.  I did not hesitate to whack when a kid disobeyed me repeatedly.
I saw spanking as a way to make a child do what I wanted, which was the most
important thing in my dealings with children.... I whacked two children in my
care on two separate occasions.  I still remember those occasions to this day:
once when a child defied me repeatedly (her mother took my side in the issue -
when I had to confess to smacking her hard enough to leave a red mark on her
back!) and once when a child demanded my attention too much and I just wanted
her to leave me alone.  In that case, there was no one for the child to appeal
to and I am glad that that is the only time I spanked her.
  Sure, I can reconstruct some but not all of the factors in my parents lives
that made them the parents they were.  What is important is that I put those
years behind me and now, being much MUCH older (first child at 39!), I can't
make a case for spanking.  And my kids will just have to live with parents
who don't whack - and live with our rules, which are ENFORCED IN OTHER WAYS.
 
                        K. Wilk
                        M18611@MBVM.MITRE.ORG
 
            <--********************************-->
 'Thrusting my nose firmly between his teeth, I threw him to the ground
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