From: "ron kulick" <ron.kulick@execnet.com>
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: confucious say....
Date: 20 Jul 92 17:53:48 EST
Reply-To: "ron kulick" <ron.kulick@execnet.com>
Distribution: rec
Organization: Executive Networks Information

             In article <1992Jul13.213645.16222@cs.wayne.edu>
                           SEETAMRAJU writes...


SU>Is someone compiling these `confucious-says' threads.  Hope some good
SU>samaritan is doing it, and will post a collected set on it.

Here's what I found in my archives. Enjoy

**********************************************************************
Here is a compilation of the confusious postings from a few months ago
here on rec-humor.......


CONFUCIUS SAY....

A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.
America Good Place to Put Chinese Restuarant.
Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!!
Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.
Boy with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
He who eats to many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.
He who outruns the cheetah is fucking fast on his feet!
He who pull out to fast leave rubber behind.
He who refuses to listen is lying.
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.
It take square ass to shit a brick.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night.
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
Man who fly upside-down have crack up!
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.
Man who go to bed with sex on mind wakes with solution in hand.
Man who is jacking into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.
Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
Man who lay woman on ground have peace (piece) on earth.
Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands..
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss baloons.
Man who stand on toilet get high on pot!
Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
Man with atletic finger make broad jump.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
Stand on toilet, get high on pot.
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door.
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
When lady say maybe, she mean yes
When lady say no, she mean maybe
When lady say yes, she no lady
Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town.
He who rapes a man's daughter, draws and quarters his son, and buries his
  wife alive in an anthill should not expect to sit at that man's dinner
  table without the subject coming up.
There is no such thing as rape; Woman run faster with skirt up, than Man
  with pants down.
Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to
  be shiftless bastard.
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