From: dean@cs.adelaide.edu.au (Dean Engelhardt)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.warlord
Subject: Re: What is the best role playing game available now?
Followup-To: alt.sex.wizards
Date: 5 Jan 1993 06:11:58 GMT
Organization: University of Adelaide, South Australia.
Distribution: world
Reply-To: dean@cs.adelaide.edu.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: winnie.cs.adelaide.edu.au

In article <1993Jan5.023805.9573@nuscc.nus.sg>, swkgohw@nuscc.nus.sg 
  (Sir Launcelot Du Lac) doth amaze and amuse us all with his astounding
   lack of clue and life:

|> ULTIMA!!! No doubt about it!  Which episode?  ALL of them!! :):)
|> 
|> If thou art also a wargamer like myself, then thou wilt also like the AD&D
|> Gold Box line, the combat system is like a miniatures wargame
|> 
|> *************************************************************************
|> *  Sir Launcelot Du Lake		*  Whoso pulleth out this	*
|> *  Avatar & Knight of Britannia		*  sword of this stone and	*
|> *  Internet: swkgohw@nuscc.nus.sg	*  anvil, is rightwise king	*
|> *  Bitnet  : swkgohw@nusvm.bitnet	*  born of all England.		*
|> *************************************************************************
|> *  I am Herne the Hunter, and thou art my son.  Take thee Albion, one	*
|> *  of the seven Swords of Wayland, and string thee this bow, for the	*
|> *  Hooded Man returns to the forest.		-  Lord of the Trees	*
|> *************************************************************************

 And lo a sudden hush didst fall on the assembled throng as the black masked
stranger rode boldly into the sylvan clearing which already didst hold the
collected sages of the land of Tablandia. Chief amongst these greybeards stood
the mighty wizard Derlin of the Fiery Balls about which many half-whispered
tales of power, destruction and small fluffy mammals hast been spake o'er the
centuries his great prowess hast beenst brought to bear. Derlin's eyes 
smouldered like glowing coals beneath his rough wizard's hood as he didst watch
the stranger dismount from his ebony steed. An eerie, almost quiet silence
fell upon the clearing; as if even the wildland birds and beasts didst wait with
trepidation for something to happen. The stranger spake, 

 "I amst Sir Launcelot Du Lake, though oftentimes I doest spell it differently
to confuse my enemies and amuse my allies. I have come for that which is
prophesied to be mine. That which by divine providence doth annoint me with
great power amongs those of mortal ken."

 And with a slighly melodramatic flourish of his rather poncy green-sleeved 
wrist didst he point to the curious stone which lay at the centre of the 
clearing. Great tales were told of this rock; curious tales of how great eons
ago a mighty demon was imprisoned within the leafy confines of this very grove
by a powerful weilder of the most purest of magics. Those same tales didst tell
of how the mage had previously cast mighty dweomers to determine the truest
name of the demon, whose flagrant acts of atrocity and strikingly superhuman
sexual prowess had left but a single maiden in the land willing to sleep with 
the wizard. The demon's name was Swkgohw, which in the tongue of the Abyss meant
"an unpronounceable jumble of letters". With the knowledge of this name, and
the most powerful spells the wizard didst turn the demon to stone. But at the
selfsame moment that the magic was cast, did the wizard's floozy break into the
clearing, her rather modest breasts unfurled, to enquire if the mighty mage 
"didst feel like a bit". Even as the wench did enter the grove the demon's 
36" ManTool didst stand erect just as the foul creature solidified to join the
stone on which he lay. 

 Both demon and wizard didst pass from the annals of history in time, save that
the curious rock formation became known as Swkgohw head for no really logical 
reason, and a curiously large amount of the local women began to worship the 
stone. Oh, and some silly little prophecy sprang up about it.
 
 Sir Launcelot strode purposefully across the clearing edging ever closer to
Derlin and the rock which stoodst behind him. As he walked the silence of the
grove was broken as the wind whispered the words of the ancient prophecy for all
to hear:

  "Whoso pulleth this penis
   out of the head of Swkgohw is 
   rightwise a bit of a prat
   and shall proclaim this before
   the whole of the world."

 A smile graced the cracked lips of the ancient mage as he absent-mindedly 
stroked his flowing white beard. The Knight felt the power of the ancient
monument grow stronger and stronger as he steadily walked towards it. He passed
the withered mage and quickened his pace to reach the stone in less than
seventeen point six bounds. He felt raw power surge through the open air now, 
invigorising and refreshing him. He bent down and firmly grasped the penis, a 
heavy sweat now beading on his forehead. He gulped, overawed by the majestic 
feeling that spread throughout his body. With a firm tug and a little grunt the 
penis came free in his hand. He had claimed his destined birthright; he had 
attained his golden destiny; mere mortals would prostate themselves before the 
glory that was his. Golden tears ran down from joyous eyes as he turned to face 
Derlin once again.

 The mage laughed an evil laugh to himself for a second then opened his mouth as 
if to say something, but didst pause a moment. Then he didst point his withered 
old forefinger at the young armour-clad man, magic sword at his side, and did say, 
"Fuck you!". The huge onslaught of flame from the mage's hand caught the puny 
Knight off-guard and he was completely reduced to a quite embarassing pile of 
greasy cinders.

                             -=  T H E    E N D  =- 



Dean [ BTW is that the first sig-offender from Singapore? ]
aka Derlin the mighty Wizard of Oz

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dean Engelhardt         |"Next to being witty yourself, the best thing
dean@cs.adelaide.edu.au |  is to quote another's wit" - C.N.Bovee
Newsgroups: alt.fan.warlord