From: mary@Cayman.COM (Mary Malmros)
Newsgroups: rec.martial-arts
Subject: Re: MA as therapy for abuse
Date: 29 Jul 92 17:50:22 GMT
	<1992Jul29.121537.2557@relay.nswc.navy.mil>
Organization: Cayman Systems Inc., Cambridge, MA
In-reply-to: snorthc@nswc.navy.mil's message of 29 Jul 92 12:15:37 GMT


In article <1992Jul29.121537.2557@relay.nswc.navy.mil> snorthc@nswc.navy.mil (Stephen Northcutt) writes:

[snip]
   Now to try to deal with your subject line 
   > MA as therapy for abuse
   Certainly MA adds structure to ones life, this is a good thing.
   Certainly MA allows one to release anger and stress, also good.
   And MA helps build/re-build self esteem (I think the general politeness
   and courtesy found on this list is largely a result of these things).

   MA certainly does not help someone deal with the root problem though,
   remember and deal with the (probably) repressed memories.  So I think
   it fits in much better in the later stages of recovery. 


Well, perhaps in a way it does help with the memories.  This is all
pop psychology from the hip, so...

It seems to me that the best thing that MA can do for a lot of people
is give them a feeling of (cringe, touchy-feely term coming up) 
empowerment.  Other terms that come to mind are self-control or
self-actualization (now I really hate that last one, but I can't
think of a short phrase that's closer to what I mean).  When I started
studying MA, I was in the middle of a very stressful job situation.  
I was being held responsible for things over which I had no authority, 
I was presented with unrealistic schedules made up by people who 
didn't know anything about the process they were scheduling (but who
claimed not to have authority to change the schedule based on my 
information), I was working 60+ hours every week on projects that
never came to fruition.  Sound familiar to any of you?  Yeah, I 
thought so...hi tech is full of it these days.  I felt helpless, 
I felt trapped, I felt stupid and ineffective.  Then I started studying
MA.  Very quickly I discovered that here, in this place, for an 
hour (or whatever) I did have control over what I did.  If I worked
hard and made a decent effort, I would accomplish something tangible.
Furthermore, it would be something that some jackass VP of Marketing
could never take away from me.  I was in command of what I did and
no one would try to take away from it.  Instead, they'd try to help
me.  

What can I say?  I was hooked.  Sometimes I think we all forget just
how rare that kind of feeling is nowadays!  I think most adults feel
a lack of control over their destinies.  And certainly, it wasn't 
a magic formula.  Things did not change one bit at work.  What changed
was my ability to deal with them.  Every time that things got bad,
I could say to myself, "I can accomplish things, I will accomplish
things, and if they don't let me succeed here, there's still something
I can do right."  And that feeling that there was some solid ground
in my life where I could stand is what made it possible for me to
think my way out of that godawful job, and into a much better situation.
Obviously other things had to be working right, too...but if I hadn't 
got my head clear, I wouldn't have been able to see the options that
were available to me.

In a sense, memories are just like another adversary.  If you feel 
that you're strong and can survive, you won't fear adversity; you
won't seek it out, but you'll have confidence that you can face
it and live.  At that point, you're ready to face your memories.
--


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 Mary Malmros     | Cayman Systems Inc, 26 Landsdowne St, Cambridge, MA 02139
 mary@cayman.com  | Phone 617-494-1999  Fax 617-494-5167  AppleLink CAYMAN.TECH