From: ajh@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Alan Hu)
Subject: From the Stanford Daily #1
Organization: Computer Science Department, Stanford University.
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 02:27:21 GMT

Hi Folks,
	I've had several requests for this stuff.  Enjoy.
					--Alan "I'm not Arthur" Hu
From the Stanford Daily (Stanford's main paper), November 30, 1992.
[This was the front page, top cover story.  There's a sketch of an
unhappy-looking couple, not obviously interracial, embracing at a
party with a spotlight on them.]

Diversity and dating difficult to reconcile
Interracial couples often encounter troulbe amidst multicultural atmosphere

By Kimberly Chrisman
Senior staff writer

	Call it Farm Fever.
	In this multicultural microcosm called Stanford,
interracial dating is as politically correct -- and al-
most as prevalent -- as recycling.
	And although Stanford relationships hardly con-
form to the popular stereotype of "jungle" love --in-
terracial dating out of curiosity rather than commit-
ment -- a combination of students' newfound free-
dopm from parental pressures, a liberal atmosphere 
and a diverse student boyd create a uniquely favor-
able environment for interracial dating.
	But despite its cosmopolitan reputation, Stanford
students in interracial relationships say they face many
of the same prejudices here as in the outside world.
	''There are so many interracial couples at Stan-
ford, but I'm not sure the level of understanding is
proportional to that,'' said one student who has dated
interracially.

Outside the agenda

	According to Dr. Karen Huang, a Counseling and
Psychological Services counselor who leads dorm
workshops on interracial dating, the pressure to liter-
ally embrace multiculturalism is one of the most
[Continued on page 2, with headline "Couples from different ethnic
groups often challenged by family, peers"]
heated issues among Stanford students.
	``People feel that it's politically incor-
rect to say whether they have a prefer-
ence [to date a person of a particular
race], even if they do,'' she said. ``A rela-
tionship is such a personal, intimate
thing, why should you have to worry
about other people's judgment?''
	Unfortunately, many students do
worry, and for increasingly good reason.
Although interracial couples are as ubiq-
uitous as sunbathers at Stanford, some
say they are discouraged by what they 
perceive as superficial support and feel
excluded from teh multicultural agenda.
	``In such a small community as Stan-
ford, same-race couples are going to have
the same friends and the same interests,'
while interracial couples must adapt to
entirely unfamiliar social circles, said
''Mary'' an African-American student.
	Although active in the African-Ameri-
can community, Mary felt ``uncomfort-
able'' inviting ``Joe,'' her Caucasian
boyfriend, to events within the community
	She felt equally uncomfortable in his 
all-white circle of friends, many of whom
Joe admits ``didn't really approve of
interracial dating.''
	In addition, Mary felt that JOe didn't
share her concerns and experiences as a
person of color.
	``I didn't understand,'' Joe said. ``I still
don't.''
	After more than a year of ocping with
these problems -- in addition to the com-
mon conlicts faced by student couples --
the two parted ways last spring.
	Lack of both mutual understanding
and similar backgrounds are among stu-
dents' most-cited reasons for not dating
beyond their own race.  These factors,
compounded by parental pressures, can
take the romance out of any relationship.
But interracial couples continue to stroll
the campus arm-in-arm, and some say
their numbers are growing.
	Dean of Students Michael Jackson
attributes the plenitude of interracial
boucples to the diversity of the student
body.  Eighty percent ofStanford stu-
dents come from ethnically homogeneous
communities.  At STanford, for the first
time, these tudents have the freedom
and opportunity to date interracially.
	Freshman dorms are particularly
notorious breeders of interracial couples,
a phenomenon Huang ascribes to two factors.
	``One is the freedom available to fresh-
men, but the other big thing is what kind
of relationship they're looking for,'' she
said.  ``Most freshmen are not looking for
a serious relationship.  Race isn't as
important when you're going out to din-
ner or ice skating as it is when you're get-
ting married.''

Dating the family

	But even casual relatinships can
come under fire from ultra-traditional
parents, who may consider an arranged
marriage or disownment preferable to an
interracial match.
	``In Chinese culture, if you marry
someone, you marry their family too,''
said one Asian-American student,
explaining why many Asian parents
object to interracial dating.
	``It's really hard to judge how much of
it is prejudice and how much is practicality,''
said another.
	But many students of all races dismiss
the typical parental arguments that inter-
racial dating dilutes or weakens one's cul-
ture.  ``Just becasue you marry within
your race doesn't mean you're going to
preserve the culture,'' one said.
	However, several admit to being inful-
enced by their parents' beliefs, reinforced
throughout their upbringing.
	``Part of you wants to please your par-
ents and part of you really thinks it's best
to marry someone of the same race,'' one
said.  ``It might be racist, but who isn't
racist to some degree?  When I dated
interracially, I felt like I was betraying
my parents, whether their disapproval
was rational or not.''
	Others keep their relatinoship secret,
arguing that ``It's not worth it'' to fight
with parents over something so ephermeral
as a college romance.
	``My gbiggest fear is bringing it up,
causing a problem and then having the
relatinship bust up anyway,'' said one student.
	Huang said she has counseled several
interracial couples whose parents wnated
them to break up.
	``The couples either say, `Screw you,'
or they break up or they remain in this constant
state of stress, which may or 
may not go away eventually,'' she said.
``They (the situations) all happen a lot.''
	She added that parental disapproval
initially tends to make couples -- interra-
cial and otherwise -- closer.
	''It can turn a very casual realtionship
into something more serious,'' she said.

Peer pressure or persecution?

	If parental pressure tends to strength-
en relationships, peer pressure can
destroy them.  But leaders of ethnic stu-
dent organizations say interracial dating
is as accepted within campus groups as it
is by the general population.
	''There are pjeople who are against it in
every community, but I think oeverall it's
accepted,'' said MEChA Co-Chair Eva Silva.
	While few interracial couples come to
group meetings, many community members
bring friends of other races to social
functions sponsored by the groups.
	``Going into the city (for a social event)
has a different purpose than going to a
meeting for information about the Asian
community,'' said Asian American Student
Assoication Vice-Chair Elanor Lo.
	But students most active in the
groups, like those who self-select into
ethnic theme dorms, are usually less like-
ly to date interracially, community lead-
ers say.
	``The more politically active a person
is, the more problems they're going to
have with it,'' said one student active in
the Chicano-Latino community.
	But some blame the couples them-
selves for allowing themselves to be pres-
sured or criticized by their peers.
	``If you're uncomfortable in the rela-
tionship, other peopjle will pick up on that
and that's when they're going to say
something,'' said one student.
	In many cases, much of the criticism
comes indirectly, through whispered epithets
and disdainful looks.
	``In minority cultures, the reaction is
much harsher, and people are more likely
to talk about you behind your back,'' said
an African-American woman.  ``You never
know what's going on in people's minds.''
	Another student active in the Asian-
American community broke up with her
Caucasian boyfriend in parat because of
this sort of indirect peer pressure.  ''I felt
like I was having to explain myself too
much,'' she said, despite the fact that her
boyfriend did not participate in commu-
nity events with her.
	In many cases, discrimination against
interracial couples is more overt, espe-
cially by members of the opposite sex.
	One Asian-American woman said she
felt ``definite hostility'' from African-
American women when she started dating an 
African-American man.  ``His ex-
girlfriend's sorority knew all about me
and was basically out to get me,'' she said.

Badmouthing and blacklisting

	Huang said students who date outside
their race often ``go on a black list, and
then when you want to date within the
race, nobody trusts you.''
	``Betty,'' an Asian-American student,
is currently dating an African-American man.  She has dated
Caucasian men in the past, and fears that, although she would like
to date Asian men, she may never have the chance.
	Asian men have voiced their disp-
proval by calling Betty `` `whitewashed,'
`cherry blossom' and every other deroga-
tory name,'' she said.
	``I know I've already been labeled as
only dating white men, even though my
current boyfriend is black,'' she added.
	But Betty has noticed marked differ-
ences between her current and past rela-
tionships.  ``For the first time, I'm dating
someone who's more oppressed than I
am,'' she said.  ``It's been interesting.''
	In her previous relatinoships, Betty
felt discouraged by her boyfriends' lack of
understanding about racial issues.
	``It's often hard enough to explain the
female experience, and adding ethnicity
to that can get really frustrating,'' she
said.  ''My current boyfriend and I don't
talk about race as much, just because he
understands.''
	However, Betty's parents, who disap-
proved of her Caucasian boyfriends, are
even more disappointed now that she is
dating an African-American.
	``Now they would totally love to see me
dating a white guy,'' she laughed.
	Indeed, students of every ethnicity
identified certain interracial combina-
tions that were more acceptable than others..
	``When you're talking about interra-
cial dating, there are hierarchies,''said
Huang.  ``With African Americans, for
example, people of color are first, then
whites.  With Asians, it's the opposite.''
	According to Huang, these distinctions
are based on everything from political
factors to physical differences, depending
on teh community.
	``For the African-American community
the last person they would want to
date is someone from the oppressor class,
because of the history of oppression,'' she said.
	An Indian student attributed the
prevalence of Indain-Jewish couples to
similar socio-economic backgrounds,
while a Chicano student cited skin color
as a equalizing elemnt in interracial 
relationships.
	According to the 1989 University
Committee on Minority Issues report,
Asian-American and Chicano-Latino stu-
dents have the most interracial relatihn
ships.  Although Caucasians report teh
most positive attitude toward interracial
dating, they have the fewest interracial
relationships, compread to other ethnic
groups.

Choice or chance?

	For some students, dating someone
outside their race is a conscious choice.
For others, interracial relationships are
twists of fate.
	``Julie'' is an Indian-American woman
who has been casually dating a Caucasian
man for two years -- without telling her
parents.  She said she may never date an
Indian man because she does not con-
form to what she perceives as teh inher-
ently sexist cultural ideal of the ``submis-
sive Indian woman.''
	A human biology major, Julie is look-
ing foward to medical school and a stint
in the Peace Corps -- something she could not
accomplish in a traditional Indian marriage.
	``There are so many Indian women
who have M.D.s but don't even practice
because of their husbands,'' she said.
	In addition, Julie said her relation-
ships would be much more serious if she
dated within her race.
	``Indian men tend to look for wives,
because it's either that or an arranged
marriage,'' she said.  ``The concept of dat-
ing someone who you're not planning to
marry is really alien to them.''
	While Julie's decision was premeditat-
ed, ``George'' and ``Angie'' met by chance
last fall, when their unguaranteed hous-
ing status inspired both of them to draw
into Casa Zapata, the Chicano-Latino
theme house.
	Angie, who is Caucasian, was immedi-
ately attracted to George, a Chicano, but
felt reluctant to approach him.
	``I wasn't sure he would want to go out
with me because I didn't know how he
felt about interracial dating,'' she said.
	Although George was primarily inter-
ested in dating Chicanas, he agreed to go
out with Angie.  The two have been dating
ever since.
	``On our first date, he told me he'd
never marry a woman who wasn't Chi-
cana and he couldn't believe he was going
out with a woman who wasn't Chi-
cana,'' Angie said.  ``It upset me to a 
degree, but at the same time, I had to
accept that.
	``Of course, now he's changed his
mind,'' she added.
	But the road to interracial romance
hasn't been without obstacles.  George, a
child of ``traditional Mexican Catholic
parents,'' felt pressured by his mother 
and sister to date Chicanas.
	``Moms always tend to be the moral
force of any Mexican family,'' he said.
``She has doubts about our relatinship,
but I think any parent would.''
	However, George observed that inter-
racial relatinoships are ``not that big of a 
deal in the Chicano-Latino community
as in the African-American community, 
for example.  A lot of people in Zapata
last year did have interracial relationships,
including three people on the staff.''
	Although he has felt both parental and
peer pressure, ``it's been so minimal that
it hasn't changed my perspective,'' he
said.
	According to Angie, race is ``not an
issue that we've dealt with and forgotten.
There are certain issues in our relatino-
ship that will always be issues.''
	For George, ``it's never been a ques-
tion of race but of culture, and we do have
poignant cultural differences,'' he said.
``The differences aren't going to create
roadblocks to our relationship, but
they're there.''
	In addition to cultural differences,
George and Angie have different religious
and educational backgrounds adn very
different majors -- civil engineering and
English, respectively.  They credit Resi-
dential Education with uniting their
divergent paths.
	``If it weren't for theme dorms, I don't
know how we would have met,'' Angie said.
	With or without theme dorms,
parentla approval and social sanctions,
George predicts that ``what's happening
to us and to this university is what's
going to be happening to this society in
the next 20 or 30 years.

[Filling the rest of page 2 is another article, complete with
photo of an interracial couple sitting on a sofa, holding hands.
Caption:  Dean of Students Michael Jackson and Assoc. Dean of
Memorial Church Diana Akiyama take time from their duties at
Stanford to share a tender moment and discuss teh unique
experiences of their interracial marriage.]

A colorful couple
Dynamic duo of deans discuses dating diversely, mixed marriage

By Kimberly Chrisman
Senior staff writer

	Despite -- or perhaps because
of -- their high visibility in vari-
ous campus communities, many students don't even know that 
Dean of Students MIchael Jack-
son and Assoc. Dean of Memorial
Church Diana Akiyama are married.
	But, notwithstanding their
busy schedules, STanford's most
prominent interracial couple has
been happily married for a year
and a half, during which time
they've shared many of the prob-
lems faced by students in inter-
racial relatinonships.
	Like many student couples,
Jackson, who is African-American,
and Akiyama, who is 
Japanese-American, met at
Stanford when akiyama joined
the staff four years ago.  Both had
been previously married, Akiya-
ma to a Caucasian and Jackson
to an AFrican-American.
	Although Jackson's family was
supportive of their relationship,
Akiyama's grandmother was ini-
tially disappointed that she mar-
ried a African-American man.
	``It's not like she was trying to
exercise any kind of control,''
Akiyama said.  ``She just didn't
understand.  That was difficult
for me, not because I agreed with
her but because she couldn't get
beyond her very old-fahsioned
way of thinking.''
	Both Jackson and Akiyama
said they felt that their previous
interracial relationships helped
to prepare their families for the
marriage.  In addition, the couple
gets along well with boht families
when they're together, according
to Jackson.
	``We don't live a `Guess Who's
Coming to Dinner' kind of life,''
he said.
	Although Jackson said he has
never felt ``oppressed'' during
his marriage, he said they have
experienced racism on other
occasions.
	``If people are going to behave
in a racist fashion to you, they're
going to do it regardless of the
relationship you're in,'' Akiyama
said.  ``Which isn't to say that
race isn't an issue.   There are dif-
ferences between the Japanese-American
community and the black community.''
	She cited language barriers
and cultural conflicts as two
major differences.
	``When there's definitely a
clash of cultures, we talk about
it,'' she said.  ``We have to talk
about it.''
	While students in interracial
relationships face similar cultu-
al barriers, Jackson said they
may also be fearful of being per-
ceived as rejecting their own community.
	``Communities are perme-
able,'' he said.  ``That is, one can
go in and out of one's home com-
munity.  Folks should understand
that one doesn't give up one's membership in anything.''
	For example, Jackson said he and Akiyama are
``in and out of the black community, the Asian community and
a lot of other communities on campus.''
	Indeed, Akiyama often counsels
students who are involved in
interracial relationships or who
are children of interracial relationships.
	``Because I'm older, relatively
speaking, I bring a certain
amount of experience and reflec-
tion upon the kinds of issues or
concerns they might have,'' she
said. ``They don't expect me to
have all the answers, but they
think I will probably understand
their fears and confusion.''
	In high school, Akiyama was
``really adamantly'' against inter-
racial dating.  However, she now
sees such prejudices as ``a smoke-
screen for not dealing with one's
own issues of maturity.''
	``What tends to come up more
and more is that an individual is
very insecure about their racial
identity,'' she said.  ``If you
haven't worked that through, it's
very difficult to challenge that.''
	From her previous marriage,
Akiyama learned that ``race is an
issue.  A very intrinsic part of
who I am is being Japanese-
American.  I ne4ed to be with a
man who, without necessarily
being one himself, understands
the complexities of being a per-
son of color in this country.''
	Jackson said he encourages
students to ``follow their hearts,''
despite external pressures.
	``If you belive in equality and
the oneness of humankind, then
letting all these other kinds of
things hang you up is not very
positive and has nothing to do
with love,'' he said.

[Personal comments:  my hands are tired.  :-)  several good points,
interesting insight into people's attitudes (sometimes scary
insights into people's racism), but overall, cheap, sensationalistic,
voyeurism, based on rampant sterotyping.  Most typos are mine,
but the Daily has plenty of its own.]
Newsgroups: soc.culture.asian.american