From: jhansen@convex.com (James Hansen)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: An obvious solution
Date: 27 Aug 92 15:26:14 GMT
Article-I.D.: convex.jhansen.714929174
Organization: Engineering, CONVEX Computer Corp., Richardson, Tx., USA
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

I grew up in a blue collar family in a small southwestern Louisiana town.
I knew nothing of the gay community besides what the media showed me.  It
was not discussed and only ridiculed at school.

I knew at an early age that I did not fit the stereotype and didn't even
think of myself as gay until I turned 20.  I could recall the images from
the movie "Cruising" and could say emphatically, "I'm not like that," and
frankly, I was terrified by the image.

Greg Parkinson writes:

>1. When nelly queens display themselves for public view,
>all the non-nelly closeted gay men think there are no
>other "normal" guys like them, so they stay in the
>closet.

When you never have the opportunity to meet any of these
people and only see it on TV, there is a feeling of 
isolation.  I hate the word "normal" and don't use it to
describe myself, but I am not nelly, flame, or whatever.
"Acting straight" or whatever you want to call it was
a defense mechanism for me, and frankly, it was the only
way I knew how to act.

The feeling of relief I experienced when I went out to a gay
bar for the first time, meeting all types of gay men AND lesbians
(you mean they really do exist?), was incredible.  For the first
time, I was able to see how diverse the gay community really was
and that I could relax and feel comfortable about being gay.

>2. Society sees only these nelly queens and therefore
>thinks badly of all gay men (lesbians have their own
>reasons for being bad, I guess.)  Straight society 
>doesn't see all the "normal" guys.

Here's that word "normal" again.  Straight society as
a whole do not free associate with the gay community.
Like myself at an early age, they only see/know what the
media shows them.  Society rarely sees the whole picture
and thus forms its opinion on a lop-sided view.

>It would seem that we are stuck with all the normal
>guys in the closet, except:

>3  All these "normal" closeted guys talk to each other
>about how much they hate the nelly queens.  Therefore,
>they know other normal gay guys exist and should be
>able to all come out and provide other normals and
>straight society with the role models that are so 
>desperately needed.

I must admit that some of my early nellier friends took
some getting use to because I had never been exposed to
such a personality or behaviour.  I never hated them.

>Things can be changed; the "normal" guys just want
>the nelly guys to make all the sacrifices.

Personally, I am out as much as possible.  Everyone here
at work knows I'm gay and I'm very vocal when the bigots
say something really stupid or ignorant in our local
newsgroups.  I hope to educate and present an opposing
point of view to these people.

When I came out here a couple of years ago, some of the
most startled people were the ones I work most closely
with.  They thought they had never met anyone who was
gay, much less work with someone who is gay.  I did not
fit the stereotype.

>As if any of this was true, of course.

I hope I was successfully able to present a slightly different
slant to the opinions leading to your conclusions.

--
James B. Hansen                                  {sun,uunet}!convex!jhansen
CONVEX Computer Corporation                              jhansen@convex.com
3000 Waterview Parkway, P. O. Box 833851
Richardson, TX 75083-3851                              Phone: (214)497-4802
Newsgroups: soc.motss