From: jenk@microsoft.com (Jen Kilmer)
Subject: Re: Dancing with commitment & dating & sex
Date: 26 Jan 93 05:51:57 GMT
Organization: Microsoft Corporation

In article <1993Jan21.203808.25286@titan.tsd.arlut.utexas.edu> conditt@tsd.arlut.utexas.edu (Paul Conditt) writes:
>In article <1993Jan21.121304.13900@bsu-ucs> 00sanaylor@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu writes:
>>to refrain from sexual activity until after we were married. 
>>
>>In short (the moment you've all been waiting for...) it's about self-control.
>
>...Our society, our families and even our churches have taught us a 
>very warped view of sexuality.  I grew up with the attitude that you can't
>have sex until you're married, and you shouldn't even think about it until
>then....Well, my body has been capable of having sex for many years, but
>I'm not married so I don't have any "proper" outlet for my sexuality.

Frustrating, isn't it?  Doing anything about this part of myself isn't
allowed, it's "bad", so I try to turn it off, make it go away. BUT, HEY,
it's something that is supposed to be "good", that married couples 
shouldn't deny each other (1Cor7).  Confusing.

>We should be teaching
>our children what sex is really all about.  I'm not talking necessarily a
>"how-to" talk....What I'm talking about is a healthy view on what sex is
>for, what it's not for, what needs it meets and things like that.

I agree!! I know the how-to's and how-not-to's, I'm comfortable with
stating what I am and am not comfortable with. What I didn't understand
was why sex was supposed to be so sacred & therefore only for marriage.

This is something I have occasionally discussed with a friend (who 
happens to be a strong Christian, and who happens to be very happily
married).  His view of sex was very different from mine - and has helped
me tremendously.  I don't think I could overstate the difference that
our talks have made. 

>Our world tells us that we are defined by our sexuality.  Our churches often
>tell us that our sexuality is not really a part of us, or at least not
>until we're married.  

It's part of the "old nature", it's "of the flesh"....

>I think that we need to address this issue in a healthy manner on ground
>somewhere in between the two extremes....We are *not* defined by
>our sexuality, but it *does* have a strong impact on us, even if we're *not*
>married.  

>In order to practice abstinence, I think we need to have a 
>healthy view of what sex is all about.  

>We hear that it's a lot of fun and that it's fine to have sex without
>commitment from the world. From the church we hear that it's not ok
>at all to even think about it unless you're married.

Wow. I split those up into sections because each is so key. Wow. Amen.

>Obr.m.c. - Are there any songs out that deal with this kind of stuff?

Faithless Heart from Amy Grant's _Lead Me On_ [written by Amy and MWS]
is about a woman struggling to stay faithful to her husband...but I've
found it addresses the issue of abstinence for me too....

At times the woman deep inside me
Wanders far from home
And in my mind I live a life
That chills me to the bone
A heart running for arms out of reach
But who is the stranger my longing seeks?
I don't know....

[chorus]
Oh faithless heart
Be far away from me
Playing games inside my heart
Where no one else can see
Oh faithless heart
You tempt me to the core
But you can't have a hold on me
So don't come around anymore

God, you know the feelings here 
Could wipe my world away
Ravaging the promises
A stronger heart once made
So hold me, I'm falling so fast
And tell me that the fighting inside will pass....

-jen
Newsgroups: rec.music.christian