HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: sue@gopher.ccbr.umn.edu (Sue Meger)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: Time to Intro Finally.....
Date: 8 Jan 93 07:42:17 GMT
Organization: Coordinating Centers For Biometric Research, University of Minnesota

[Joe posting from Sue's account since his own machine back home is down,
and can't be telnetted to]

ptd2@po.CWRU.Edu (Palmer T. Davis) writes:
>mort@quads.uchicago.edu (Dave 'Mort' Mortman) says:
>>Finally decided to post after meeting
>>one of the founder's of alt.poly(Joe) over break hear in Chicago.

   Well, shucks, I tell you, it's a little unsettling to be talking with
people at a party, be talking about newsgroups for 30 minutes, finally
mention alt.poly, and have them say "Oh! You're *that* Joe!!" [rolling
my eyes...]

   (Admittedly, that wasn't Mort who did that, but still... 8-P)


>*sigh*  I seem to have missed out on Joe's US tour; if anyone reading
>this runs into him before he leaves, say hi to him for me....

   Hey, Palmer! Sorry we can't be passing through - we will be flying
over you in several days however when we make our way to the northeast...
maybe if you stand in your back yard we'll see you? [laugh]

   And in fact, some others who were very nice about giving us somewhere
to stay in Toronto had to be stood up at the last minute when I found
that I simply *could not* leave my love in Minneapolis after a paltry
few days. It's thrown some plans in disarray, but hey! Karina seems
happy enough to be hanging around Chicago while I'm here... [grin]

   So far, things have been pretty good with the trip, overall. Well
worth every penny - and we're already planning how we'll save up for
next year's visit!!

Joe (in Sue's account).

(if I was posting from home, you'd see a .sig here 8-P)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
From: h431@quads.uchicago.edu (heather e blair)
Subject: Re: mono with poly partners?
Reply-To: h431@midway.uchicago.edu
Organization: University of Chicago
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 20:11:58 GMT

In article <1993Jan11.191340.11095@midway.uchicago.edu> mbr2@midway.uchicago.edu writes:
>Hi Heather,
>        I was jolted into realizing who you were by the Damocles
>reference.  Sat next to you at brunch, you see.  Welcome aboard, fellow
>philosopher!  (But really, we're all philosophers here, doing what we
>do).

Hi Matt!  Great brunch, wasn't it?  And we got to see Joe and Karina!
>
>> So now I'm wondering, might I be a monogamous person who is happiest
>> with polyamorous partners?
>
>	Entirely possible.  That'd be a new twist by me.  All I think I
>can draw from what you said is that AT LEAST your partner should be
>flexible to the idea of these unusual (within-society-context) freedoms.
>But that could go with any flavor of amory.  
>
But I have also learned recently that I need to be less "noble" - and
more communicative.  This is work for me, but it's what I'm trying to do now.

>For example, a partner like you in this way?

Don't know.  May find out someday.  But then again, I may not.
As Mehitabel would say, "wotthehell".
>



-- 

- Heather Blair       h431@midway.uchicago.edu
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
From: moh2@quads.uchicago.edu (Kateri/Mary Anne)
Subject: Re: Jealousy...
Reply-To: moh2@midway.uchicago.edu
Organization: University of Chicago
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1993 01:13:48 GMT

Hey, just a quick response and thank you...

To all of those people who wrote me or posted offering support, many
thanks.  It's always good to hear that I'm not alone in this, or even
(from those of you who don't get jealous) that you sympathize anyway.

One odd thing....

Many of you assumed that I had a problem with my primary dating
someone else. 

Well, not to go into horrific detail or anything, but 

a) I don't subscribe to the 'primary/secondary' mode of relatioships.
There are a lot of people I care about, and I refuse to rank them.
Sometimes I want to spend more time with one,  sometimes more with
another, sometimes one needs me more than another...

b) The relationship involved at the moment is actually a threesome,
and the dynamics are quite a bit different.

Anyway, thanks again, and I've talked to them, and things are much
better...

 - Kateri
-- 
i thank you God for most this amazing
day:  for the leaping greenly spirits of the trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes		 - e.e.cummings
From: anon.29@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: anon posting
Date: 10 Jan 1993 17:40:00 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.29@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au


Hi folks.  Thanks for who has replied to my confused post.  I am posting
through an anon service because I don't know how to post otherwise -- I
have to do it via email.  Does anyone know of a way to email post to
alt.polyamory?

So if people write to me it is okay to to my real address, I just use this
stupid anon service because I can't post otherwise, I'm perfectly happy
have you all know who I am.

-christina
 _____________________________________________________________________________
 Christina M. Pierce              I    I'm glad to be a woman
 Oberlin College                  I    so glad
 scp8340@ocvaxa.cc.oberlin.edu    I    glad to be alive
 an1691@anon.penet.fi             I    glad for the will to survive
 anon.29@pax.tpa.com.au           I                               -Betsy Rose?
 _____________________________________________________________________________
               I'd rather question my sexuality than not have it.
 _____________________________________________________________________________



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Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
From: mbr2@quads.uchicago.edu (Curious Of All Natures)
Subject: Re: mono with poly partners?
Reply-To: mbr2@midway.uchicago.edu
Organization: Universtiy of Chicago
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 19:13:40 GMT

Hi Heather,
        I was jolted into realizing who you were by the Damocles
reference.  Sat next to you at brunch, you see.  Welcome aboard, fellow
philosopher!  (But really, we're all philosophers here, doing what we
do).

> So now I'm wondering, might I be a monogamous person who is happiest
> with polyamorous partners?

	Entirely possible.  That'd be a new twist by me.  All I think I
can draw from what you said is that AT LEAST your partner should be
flexible to the idea of these unusual (within-society-context) freedoms.
But that could go with any flavor of amory.  

For example, a partner like you in this way?


-Matt Ryan, behind on the minimum payment for his free-time loan,
mb-ryan@uchicago.edu                Curious Of All Natures
==================================  ====================================
If I'm dreaming, never let me wake. You'll never see the end of the road
If I'm awake, never let me sleep.   When you're traveling with me.
               -old chinese fellow                        -Crowded House     
==================================  ====================================
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
From: rossi@mtu.edu (Rossi)
Subject: Re: Good Sex or Good Food (was Re: "Cheating")
Organization: Michigan Technological University
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 02:22:03 GMT

   Too easy.  Great sex!  But I wonder if you'd allow me to eat out
upon occassion?  ;)  

(I really don't see how you can make sex not be food and food not be sex.
They are hungers oft mingled can they be separate but not mangled?)

   songbird - caught in the net
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
From: smoir@world.std.com (Scott A Moir)
Subject: Re: Jealousy...
Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 17:41:08 GMT

In article <1993Jan7.022830.6473@midway.uchicago.edu> moh2@midway.uchicago.edu writes:
>I'm not going to get jealous.  I'm not.  I'm not.
>
>Sigh....have you folks ever noticed that sometimes this stuff is a
>little bit harder to practice that it is in theory....?

Yes, I have noticed. It is hard enough finding -one- person to get
THAT kind of close to, never mind more than one. It CAN happen though,
you just have to want it bad enough to want to work at it. 

I'm in a new relationship, and it is making me have to re-evaluate 
my entire relationship with my (up to this point) primary. Things got
so close, so very fast. I am having to re-learn things about my mate
that I have not addressed in along time. Like any growth, it can be
quite uncomfortable in places. Right now we are trying to get it through
to each other that we still want the same things, and that our path has
just taken a slightly different route to get there. Sometimes this
realization has taken place only after shouting and holding on to each
other for a good solid cry. It hurts, but it is worth it. 

When you introduce a third person into a stable two way relationship, you
are by default changing the dynamic of the original pairing. (At least
when you are attempting to change from a Primary-style to one that is
more equal all around) You have to be very careful to make certain that
nobody feels left out, and that everyone's needs are getting addressed.

Tough work, but worth every teardrop.

Best of luck to you..
Scott

> - Kateri >
-- 
Scott Moir  /  Satyr on IRC    ______ # "There's really only one requirement 
smoir@world.std.com            \ \/ / #  for a Prophet, and you've got it."
B4 f t+ w g k+(+!) s+ m r p+    \/\/  # "What's that?"
Also: pentangl@ursa-major.spdcc.com   # "A mouth." - 'God' to J.R.'BoB' Dobbsl
From: wa137@sdcc12.ucsd.edu (john e. clark)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: friends and lovers
Date: 11 Jan 93 05:30:16 GMT
Organization: University of California, San Diego

In article <1inhcuINN59j@flash.pax.tpa.com.au> anon.29@pax.tpa.com.au writes:
+
+Is so hard for me to keep remembering the differences.  I feel like I'm

It's clear, 'Friends' are individuals one would never have sex with
since having sex with individuals implies such a serious breach of
etiquette that no friend would do such a thing...

Or, the corollary, sex requires such a deep friendship that all
other friendships are excluded, hence no reasonable person would
wish to involve others in such a relationship that the pair lost
all other friendships...
-- 

John Clark
jclark@ucsd.edu
From: cascio@garnet.berkeley.edu (Jamais Cascio)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: Jealousy...
Date: 8 Jan 1993 17:47:39 GMT
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
NNTP-Posting-Host: garnet.berkeley.edu

In article <1993Jan7.022830.6473@midway.uchicago.edu> moh2@midway.uchicago.edu writes:
>I'm not going to get jealous.  I'm not.  I'm not.
>
>
>
>Sigh....have you folks ever noticed that sometimes this stuff is a
>little bit harder to practice that it is in theory....?
>
> - Kateri
>
>-- 

Yep.  But we work through it, don't we?  If the primary relationship is
important enough to be a "primary" and trusting enough to be poly, then
we try _damn hard_ to work through it.

Two recent situations resurrected the jealousy beast thought dead within
me:  my wife fell in love with someone else, after our long-standing 
agreement that falling in love with someone else is a big no-no.  She
doesn't love me any less, but I know that there is someone else that
she has strong romantic feelings for, and my reaction has been markedly
different than when there's someone she has sexual feelings for.  I hate
it, to be frank.  But he's a couple thousand miles away, and I can 
compartmentalize those feelings, and examine them into nothingness...

The second situation is one that is often brought up-- different rates
of outside activity.  My wife is a beautiful young woman; I'm a guy.
My wife gets a lot of outside attention (from both men and women-- she's
bi), whereas it comes more slowly for me.  What I find is not that I'm
terribly jealous of any particular person that she's fond of, but the
mass of people.  It's not that I don't want her to have what she has,
I just want to have it, too! Ach...

No advice here, I guess; just another voice in the maelstrom.

Jamais

Jamais A. Cascio             \\  "I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass"
cascio@garnet.berkeley.edu    \\                       -me
                               \\    "Too bad you never had a choice"
                                \\                      -my wife
**************************************************************************
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: mono with poly partners?
From: drake+@cs.cmu.edu (Drake)
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 03:51:23 GMT
Organization: School of Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon

h431@midway.uchicago.edu writes:

>Hello everybody!  I haven't read or posted to this group in a long time
>so if I say things that have been talked to death already, please forgive
>me.

I'm new here so I wouldn't know anyhow...

>So now I'm wondering, might I be a monogamous person who is happiest with
>polyamorous partners?

A girl I know has those feelings also.  She is seeking a monogamous
sexual relationship while still having polyamory.  Just so you know
that other people feel the same way.

(I'm on unigamy right now, so even monogamy would be a step up
as far as I'm concerned!) ;-)

-- 
Love and Laughter,             | NOTE: Private mail must go explicitly
Xeper and Remanifest,          | to drake@seismo.soar.cs.cmu.edu
                       DRAKE   | or it'll bounce back to you...
From: bbooth@x400gate.bnr.ca (Brad Booth)
Subject: Re: Jealousy...
Originator: bbooth@bcrks6
Reply-To: bbooth@x400gate.bnr.ca (Brad Booth)
Organization: BNR, Ottawa, ON, Canada
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1993 13:46:51 GMT


moh2@quads.uchicago.edu (Kateri/Mary Anne) writes:
> I'm not going to get jealous.  I'm not.  I'm not.
> 
> Sigh....have you folks ever noticed that sometimes this stuff is a
> little bit harder to practice that it is in theory....?

Yes and no... sometimes I find it hard when I'm feeling left out or
feeling envious when Diane is spending a lot of time with Michelin.
But then there's other times where we're all together and enjoying
ourselves when I can't imagine life any other way.

When Diane and Michelin first got involved, things were a little
tougher for me.  Mainly because they were so "in love" and wanted
to spend a lot of time together... leaving me feeling a little
left out.  But now that they've moved out of the "romantic" phase
of their relationship, it feels weird not to have Michelin around.


Good luck,

    __o     Brad Booth              | "If somebody feels really good
  _`\<,_    Bell-Northern Research  |  about who they are, they don't
 (*)/ (*)   Ottawa, Ontario, Canada |  feel threatened by what other
----------  bbooth@x400gate.bnr.ca  |  people are." - Dr. M. Rubenstein
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
From: freddy@sci.kun.nl (Freddy)
Subject: Re: "Cheating"
Organization: University of Nijmegen, The Netherlands
X-Newsreader: NN version 6.4.19
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 14:35:53 GMT

The collection of articles going around under this subject header is
growing less and less related. Seems to me it could use a new subject line
Anyone out there who'd like to compensate for my lack of fantasy? :-)

Anyway, to respond to what Elise@p19.f341.n282.z1.tdkt.kksys.com (Elise) wrote
in her article <726163505.AA02778@tdkt.kksys.com>:

>   Well, I do hesitate to mention it in a newsgroup with a high number of het
>male readers, as it might feed some prejudices, but it is a topic that a number
>of lovers of mine (lesbian) and I have discussed in depth, and I quote them. 
>It's not a positive thing; they (and I) see it as more internalized homophobia,
>and also internalized woman-oppression, which happens when even we disbelieve in
>our own power to define ourselves sexually, or to hold the interest and heart of
>another woman.
>  Hope that clarifies. As I said in the original post, I do not consider sexual
>identity something that can be washed away by a squirt of semen.

So what's wrong with bisexuality? I see no problem at all in women who
(generally) prefer other women, but occasionally like to spend some time
with a man. You don't lose interest in other women simply by having sex
with some male type. On the contrary; it can make you appreciate your 'old'
relationship a whole lot more...
The fears depicted here remind me very much of the opposite situation,
where a heterosexual woman is afraid to have sex with another woman
simply because she thinks she will turn into a lesbian, and she doesn't
want to! There's a whole world in between!!!
But then again, I'm male, so what do I know ;-)

Freddy

PS: I'm sorry if I misunderstood the message; I haven't been able to
  read all of the preceding (relevant) messages, because our site
  throws away alt. articles very fast, and because I'm quite new to
  this group.
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
From: an1428@anon.penet.fi
Subject: MWM iso ???
Organization: Anonymous contact service
X-Anonymously-To: alt.polyamory
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 02:41:00 GMT

I don't get this group so don't post here.
you'll have to contact me on email.
I am open to just about anything.
write and lets talk.
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Due to the double-blind system, any replies to this message will be anonymized,
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Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
From: gl8f@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU (Greg Lindahl)
Subject: Re: mono with poly partners?
Organization: Department of Astronomy, University of Virginia
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 01:09:58 GMT

In article <1993Jan10.223145.721@midway.uchicago.edu> h431@midway.uchicago.edu writes:

>So now I'm wondering, might I be a monogamous person who is happiest with
>polyamorous partners?
>
>Any comments or Wise Words of Wisdom?

Sure: does it really matter?

As long as you are enjoying life, it doesn't matter how you label it.
From: Elise@p19.f341.n282.z1.tdkt.kksys.com (Elise)
Sender: FredGate@tdkt.kksys.com
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: hello, yawn, hugs and goodnight
Date: Sat, 09 Jan 1993 00:15:00 -0600

Just wanted to say hello.  Am reading these things late at night beofre I fall
over into bed. That'll be the upstairs bed in my lair, not the usual bed I share
with my partner.  That one's, er, in use at the moment.  I expect there will be
another crescendo of happy noises right about....yup.  Sounds like things are
going rather well in there.
   Why am I up here on the net instead of down there in a pile?  Well, I have
this cold, see, and I'm totally exhausted, so I sent them in there to study
applied psychophysiology for a while (witha hug and a smooch and an, "Now I
expect to see smiles when you guys are done, all right?") and came up here to
get ready for bed.  Which includes, on the many nights, cruising the net for an
end-of-day thought or two.
   Tonight my thought seems to be, "Y'know, it's been difficult at times seeing
this triad into loving caring existence, but it seems to be pretty good right
now, and I sure wouldn't trade what I'm learning and getting for anything."  And
that feels good.  
   WHoever it was who was feeling frustrated with the jealousy stuff, c'mon over
and curl up in my lair for a while if you like.  We can snooze and chat, and you
can be in a supportive place at a moment when things are working very well
indeed.  Hand me those antihistamine tablets, ok, please?  Thangs.  Id's this
code id by nose.  Now, how are things wid you, huh?  Want a cup of tea?
   
   elise -- not smug, just enjoying a moment of contentment amidst the learning
experiences
From: wa137@sdcc12.ucsd.edu (john e. clark)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: Re: Jealousy...
Date: 11 Jan 93 05:24:59 GMT
Organization: University of California, San Diego

In article <1in53kINNcfp@shelley.u.washington.edu> cyberoid@stein.u.washington.edu (Robert Jacobson) writes:
+involved.  Suspiciously few message posters mention this issue,
+but I suppose that being left home to change diapers can dampen
+one's enthusiasm for a mate's going out on external liaisons.

Uh, the postman always rings twice...

In these modern times, equality is the watch word so the person 'at
home' should have some alternatives as well for romance.
-- 

John Clark
jclark@ucsd.edu
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
From: freddy@sci.kun.nl (Freddy Aries)
Subject: Re: Grammar flame
Organization: University of Nijmegen, The Netherlands
X-Newsreader: NN version 6.4.19
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 08:43:53 GMT

In <76491@apple.apple.COM> stef@Apple.COM (Stef Jones) writes:

>"David F. McWade" <dm3o+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:
>|> 
>|> Cannot we use the pronoun "they"/"their" instead of "sie"/"hir"?  Using
>|> the latter group of pronouns actually makes what you are trying to say
>|> much more difficult to read.
>|> 
>|> Using the plural in the singular is becoming much more commonplace anyway.

>In alt.polyamory it could become confusing if one used "they/their" to
>refer to a single person. Readers might not be sure whether the situation 
>being discussed involved one person or several.

On the other hand, it makes it very hard, esp. for non-Americans
(or am I the only European reading this group?) to understand what
is meant. I had never heard of the use of sie/hir before, and I actually
assumed they were simply typo's referring to she/her. I DO support
the thought that it makes things more clear to use they/their if
you don't want to specify the gender.

>--
>Stef                 In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a 
>stef@apple.com       sentence with words in the proper order then 
>                     why can't he?                         /fortune

Freddy

(Yes, I'm new here; I've been living my life for almost ten years,
following a lot of the ideas expressed in this group, and I never
knew there were more people like me, or that there was a name or
even a newsgroup for the way I thought).

Newsgroups: alt.polyamory