HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: elendil@mintir.new-orleans.la.us (Edward J. Branley)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Re: Depressing
Date: Fri, 04 Sep 92 21:05:17 CDT
Organization: Minas Tirith BBS, New Orleans, LA

darkstar@u.washington.edu (Alden Hackmann) writes:

> Edward J. Branley writes
> >
> > Sure, Marilyn will be able to be the family bread-winner in '93 by going ou
> > on the neo-nazi lecture circuit, but Dano's 'family values' will force him
> > run for Congress in '94, so he can get himself a real job.
>
> Being a Senator is a Real Job?
>
> --
>
> Alden F.M. Hackmann                             University of Washington
> darkstar@u.washington.edu                       Department of Pathology
>
> "You can know, even for a moment, that it's your turn,
>  that you can walk with the power of a thousand generations"  - Bruce Cockbur

Well, compared to Veep, yes.



|Edward J. Branley                         elendil@mintir.New-Orleans.LA.US|
|Seashell Software                                UUCP:  rex!mintir!elendil|
|3508 North Woodlawn Avenue                          Compu$erve: 71237,2227|
|Metairie, LA   70006       voice: +1-504-455-5087     bbs: +1-504-455-8665|
From: harvey@cafws1.eng.uci.edu (Harvey Chen)
Subject: Re: "I can even forgive Bush for Dan Quayle, but not for this."
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Organization: University of California, Irvine
Date: 9 Sep 92 21:24:06 GMT

In article <6261@transfer.stratus.com> rsud@sw.stratus.com (Rajiv Sud) writes:
>> green@plains.NoDak.edu (Brad Green) writes:
>> 
>> > In article <1992Sep4.233306.14026@organpipe.uug.arizona.edu> tip@lead.aichem.
>> > >No it isn't...   it's "Air Force/Navy/Marine/Army Twoe".
>> > 
>> > Today CNN reported Clinton was speaking about Patriot missiles flying down
>> > chimmneys and through doors.  It was pointed out afterwards that this was
>> > the cruise missile and not the Patriot.  Are we going to hear for the next
>> > 57 days how a man who wants to be commander in chief can't even remember whic
>> > of his weapons does what?  Probably not.
>> > 
>> 
>
>	Qualye commented that what Clinton refered to as the patriot missle
>was a cruise missle. He was wrong as well. The "thing" that flies down chimmneys
>is a smart bomb.
>
>..Rajiv

...smart bomb OR a Tomahawk cruise missile.  A Tomahawk can fly down a
chimney, through doors and up someone's butt if you program it correctly. :)
So, Quayle is correct.

Harvey 




Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: sysmatt@aix3090b.uky.edu (Matt Simpson)
Subject: Re: Don't make fun of Quayl's math.
    <1992Sep14.081443@IASTATE.EDU> <wall-140992113849@elvis.swarthmore.edu>
Organization: University Of Kentucky, Dept. of Math Sciences
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 15:51:36 GMT

On the subject of pints, ounces, etc., I remember from my youth a conversation
between my dad and a liquor store clerk:
 
Dad: I'd like a 6-pack of pints of Miller.
Clerk hands him a 6-pack of 12-ounce cans.
Dad: I asked for pints.
Clerk: Those are pints.
Dad: No, these are 12 ounces. I wanted the tall 16-ounce cans.
Clerk: Oh, you mean half-quarts>
Dad: How many pints are in your quarts?
Clerk: Dumb look of confusion.
--
This signature file exists because our crappy newsreader won't work without it.
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: cortez@milton.u.washington.edu (Tom Warner)
Subject: Re: Small thoughts and complaints
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1992 02:05:35 GMT

yuna@athena.mit.edu (Yuna Huh) writes:

>Granted, both Hillary and Marilyn are tempting targets, but perhaps we do go a
>little too far sometimes...

But I don't mind this time around, because actually, there really isn't much
against Hillary that's going to stick. I mean, I saw the really-lame T-shirts
they were trying to sell in the National Review, and I doubt even the hardest-
core sexist Republican pig got so much as a chuckle.

MQ is really not the issue either, except in a.f.d.q. :)

>Yuna Huh
>--
>"The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy."

Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: williams@herky.cs.uiowa.edu (Kent Williams)
Subject: Re: Calvin for President (was Re: I'm dragging out the old T-shirt)
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1992 13:30:54 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: University of Iowa, Iowa City, IA, USA

I prefer

GEORGE CLINTON/BOOTSY COLLINS '92

One nation under a groove!
--
Kent Williams -- williams@cs.uiowa.edu
"I'm tired of being nice to people who're full of shit" -- Me
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: dks@athena.mit.edu (dks)
Subject: Re: worthless comic strips
Keywords: creationist propaganda
Organization: MIT, Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA.
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 21:50:39 GMT

In article <1992Sep10.153658.4628@u.washington.edu>,
sieferme@milton.u.washington.edu (Eric Sieferman) writes:
>A cursory analysis would lead one to believe in the myth of
>the liberal cultural elite; since "cursory" is the outer
>boundary of the Dandroid's thinking ability, this explains
>why he is so fond of the myth.

An equally cursory analysis would prove the existence of
a conservative cultural elite.  Don't let Dannikins tell
you what to think.


>The point of this rambling:  are Dan-o and his minions just
>inherently funnier than the Dems?

Funnier?  Maybe.  More ridiculous?  Certainly.


Dhanesh

  By the way, Dan-o IS a minion.  Never forget it.



Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: evan@hpscit.sc.hp.com (Evan Whitney)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: DQ's stale spelling punch line
Date: 11 Sep 92 00:40:26 GMT
Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Santa Clara, CA

Is anyone else tired of hearing Danny Quayl use the following quip:

"If [so and so] knows so much about [such and such] then I'm a world
champion speller."

Is it still as funny the fiftieth time as it was the seventeenth?

I think it is time we sent him some new punch lines.  I'll start:

"If [drooling blather] then my name isn't Frank Langella."

    or how about

"If [grunt snort fart] then I have both a left AND a right brain cell."



Evan
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Rush Limbaugh fans F*ck up! We get 1000s of articles!!
Organization: University of Virginia
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 21:06:28 GMT

(1000s of articles by 1000s of posters deleted for the sake of Quaylehood)

WHY?!? WHY?!?! WHY?!?!

I dont mind mocking george bush in a.f.d-q, but rush limbaugh is a
little much.

Why do so many people cros post so many articles to so many groups???

/limbaugh/h:j

rob, and i was hoping not to have a killfile for a.f.d-q
From: sg@monsoon.com (Sunil Gupta)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Danny Boy
Date: Sat, 05 Sep 92 12:50:17 EDT
Organization: Monsoon Software, Inc.

With a view to Our Boy's impending retirement, I propose we 
petition the Church of the Subgenius to induct Danny into their
pantheon. Besides, Bob's been looking lonely lately.


Sunil Gupta
Monsoon Software, Inc.
sg@monsoon.com
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson)
Subject: Re: A Simple Question
Organization: University of Virginia
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 20:17:54 GMT

In article <Bu9tnB.C1L.1@cs.cmu.edu> alexo+@cs.cmu.edu (Alex Orenshteyn) writes:
>In article <1992Sep8.135545.26002@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> rwd4f@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (Rob Dobson) writes:
>>If George Bush is the next Harry Truman, what is Dan-O?
>>
>>Chopped liver?
>>
>>-rob
>>
>>
>Curious that Mr. Bush could not find a single republican president he wants
>to emulate.


Esp, curious is the fact the Bush voted for Dewey in 48..........

-rob


Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: dianem@boi.hp.com (Diane Mathews)
Subject: Quayle-stuff?
Organization: Idahoe Central Koolness (ICK)
Distribution: na
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 17:49:36 GMT

So, like, fer shur, where's the latest quayle-stuff?  Haven't seen much
humor in here lately.  This is the group i used to read to wind down.
(Thanks for what has been here, I did enjoy the Quaile article.)

As for me, i got quayled this morning.  Quayled means, here, what our
man did in some of the up-close-and-personal interviews right after
the RNC.  He didn't bother to listen to the whole question before he'd
jump right in and attack the interviewer.  Sometimes it wasn't a question,
but a response to our man's question, that our man interrupted - a technique
that baffles me.  At any rate.  I felt like the interviewer that had gotten
quayled.  Figures, the person i was talking to is a staunch Republican...

Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: mem@mv.mv.com (Mark E. Mallett)
Subject: Re: Abortion is Stealing! (was Re: DATELINE: Bush fucks up!)
Organization: MV Communications, Inc.
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 1992 06:45:46 GMT

In article <1992Sep5.035114.8824@nevada.edu> crail@nevada.edu (DONNA CRAIL-RUGOTZKE) writes:
>When it comes to abortion, Bush may have screwed up more than Quayle.  In the 
>interview I saw with Bush, the reporter asked how he would feel if one of his
>granddaughters had an abortion (sorry for the paraphrase).  He said that he 
>would support her.  The reporter than asked "It would be her choice then?"
>Bush answered "Well, whose choice would it be?"  I suspect that Bush does not
>feel as strongly about abortion as some of his supporters.

As I recall, Mr. Bush was pro-choice before joining the Reagan ticket in
1980.

Perhaps somebody neglected to remind him of his current opinion.  Or perhaps
my memory is wrong.

-mm-
-- 
Mark E. Mallett  MV Communications, Inc./ PO Box 4963/ Manchester NH/ 03108
Bus. Phone: 603 429 2223    Home: 603 424 8129     BIX: mmallett
Internet: mem@mv.MV.COM  ( uucp: ...{decvax|harvard}!mv!mem )
Looking for news and mail in southern NH / northern MA?  Try MV!
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle,alt.politics.bush,alt.politics.clinton
From: bsmart@bsmart.TTI.COM (Bob Smart)
Subject: Re: "I can even forgive Bush for Dan Quayle, but not for this."
Reply-To: bsmart@bsmart.TTI.COM (Bob Smart)
Organization: Citicorp+TTI
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 02:13:21 GMT

Actually, as if this hasn't already become QUITE pedantic enough, I've
been corrected about my reference to Air Force One.  If Bush is on an
Air Force aircraft, it's Air Force One.  If it's a Navy flight, it's
Navy One, and so on.

No word as to what a commercial flight would be called if, by some
strange circumstance, the President were aboard.

---------

A fanatic is someone who does what he knows that God would do if God knew the
facts of the case.

Some mailers apparently munge my address; you might have to use
bsmart@bsmart.tti.com -- or if that fails, fall back to
72027.3210@compuserve.com.  Ain't UNIX grand?
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: wall@cc.swarthmore.edu (Matthew Wall)
Subject: Quayle Season
Followup-To: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Organization: Swarthmore College Computing
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 21:29:38 GMT


First of all, I leave the group for a month, and what do I find when I get
back? All sorts of people seriously debating the merits of what Quayle has
to say on issues like Abortion and single parenthood. For the nth time, we
are not here to discuss Danny, we are here to ridicule him. Take it to one
of the talk.politics groups for heavens' sake. 

Back to serious business now...

If you have a System 7 Mac with QuickTime and internet access, you won't
want to miss "Quayle Season", a hilarious 2-minute QuickTime movie that's a
compendium of Quayle Quips, including the "back to the future" series of
quotes and the "Hawaii is an island in the pacific that's always been a
pivotal role in the pacific that's here that's part of the United States"
quote, complete with a lei-d J. Danforth mug.

Do an anonymous ftp to ftp.apple.com; cd /pub/pugh/quicktime. Get
Quayle-season (binary only, I think). I didn't do it so go flame someone
else, but it's a brilliant piece of work.

enjoy

- matt

"I don't think I want to live in a country where George Bush gets to go to
the all-star game and Cecil Fielder doesn't." - R Rappaport
From: sstover@sumax.seattleu.edu (Maven o'Mirth)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Gun Control as Humor (was Re: Have you heard of the Religious Left?)
Date: 15 Sep 92 18:12:04 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: Seattle University, Seattle WA

Here in a.f.d-q, at least (note copious removal of cross-posting) I felt
it necessary, while all this gun control raging is going on, to insert a
quote I heard on some sound-bite comedy show on MTV last year:

"Anyone who needs a gun *now* needs a waiting period." -somebody whose name
I can't remember

'Nuff said.

--
Sheryl Stover				|  How passing fair is youth,
*>sstover@sumax.seattleu.edu<*		|  Forever fleeting away;
and Hemingway, feline philosopher	|  Who happy would be, let him be;
Watch this .sig for news of the		|  Of tomorrow, who can say?
upcoming album from Seattle's 		|	-Lorenzo de'Medici
premier band, the Medici!		|

Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: alexo+@cs.cmu.edu (Alex Orenshteyn)
Subject: We, the people, self-interest and other miscellany.
Organization: School of Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 1992 12:34:59 GMT

For two centuries people of this country have been bound together by
economic and political self-interest. Well-being of one citizen was
inextricably, although often very loosely and indirectly, linked to
well-being of every-other citizen. Post WWII expansion of liberal 
capitalism on the international arena, with recent decapitation of the
communist block and Latin America's liberalization movement, has been
steadily and unerringly boring into this tenuous mesh of national 
inter-reliance. 

Every day we observe examples of corporate self-interest acting in
direct opposition to our national political and economic self-interest.
We see various economic entities procuring sensitive and dangerous
technologies to countries and groups with dubious and often anti-American
interests. Others migrate production and research facilities into other
parts of the world with resulting loss of local expertise and employment
opportunities. Can we blame the decision makers of these corporations?
Probably not, their inherent self-interest, drive to increase the corporate
value for the shareholders drives this process. 

It has become quite clarion that internationalized corporate "countries"
cannot any longer be considered a part of America. International corporations
are not of the "We, the people". We all know the slogan "No taxation without
representation". Corporate "citizens" and "visitors" have obtained, in the 
past twelve years, "representation without taxation". Shell games with
different corporate structures hiding behind peculiarities of local foreign
laws allow these corporate entities to evade US taxes, break US laws and
otherwise act against our self-interest.

To make the above more tangible, I shall discuss a concrete example, myself.
95% of my income comes from trading with Europe and indirectly with Latin
American countries. It is in my self-interest that Europe and Latin America
continue economic expansion while America declines. Why you ask? Simple,
as dollar declines I produce more and more income from abroad, the dollars
which I earn will buy more here due to deflation. In comparison to others
I should become wealthier, my buying power will increase, labour in US
will cost me less. Fortunely (or unfortunely) I do not like to benefit from
other's mishaps. But can one expect morality from multi-billion dollar from
corpo-countries? I think not!


We the people of the US constitution does not mean "We the General Electric",
"We the Hewlett-Packard", "We the Wang". As the economic "New world order"
has arrived the current administration has missed it completely. Bush and
Quayle are representing the wrong "We the people". We have to negotiate the
best terms with our corporate guests, be they Matsushita or Boeing.



Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl)
Subject: Re: Dan Advertises for Murphy Brown Reruns!
Organization: University of Massachusetts, Amherst
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1992 22:26:14 GMT

In article <lav3dsINNtl@mizar.usc.edu> biddleco@mizar.usc.edu (Susan Biddlecomb) writes:

>
>Can anyone think of any other standing President or Vice President who has
>made a TV commercial (besides campaign stuff) while in office?
>
>Susan
>

Well, Nixon appeared on Laugh-In.  Does that count?



-- 
***************************************************************************
jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu is    :  I don't want to set the world
      Jenny Gutbezahl @          :   on fire, only Hoboken
    Univ. of Mass, Amherst       : 
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: cortez@milton.u.washington.edu (Tom Warner)
Subject: Re: Small thoughts and complaints
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1992 01:05:03 GMT

elendil@mintir.new-orleans.la.us (Edward J. Branley) writes:

>cortez@milton.u.washington.edu (Tom Warner) writes:

>> I'm torn. On one hand, the number of posts on a.f.d.q that remind us yet agai
>> of how unattractive Marilyn really is were tired almost as soon as they began
>> On the other hand, I almost fell off my chair when someone pointed out how mu
>> she looks like Prince Charles and he looks like Princess Di.
>> 
>> Even as a het male, I'd much rather be married to Charles than Marilyn. Not 
>> 'cause he's prettier and has more money and nifty palaces all over the UK. He
>> just comes off so much more down to earth, you know? I get the feeling he
>> might have something halfway intelligent to say once in a while, and might
>> even get along with my friends. We'd both have to have our affairs on the
>> side, but when it comes to the royal family, what else is new?
>> 

>I'll agree that knocking MQ for her looks is getting old, but there's 
>more to being married to someone that just looks.  Your point about 
>Charles and Di is a good example of that.  It's not MQ's looks so much 
>that would turn me off, but her attitudes and religious beliefs.  Hell, 
>there are women and men in this world who look a lot worse than her.  I 
>just can't see how a fundamentalist whacko could possibly be fun in the 
>sack.  Can you imagine her correcting Our Boy in bed like she does at 
>joint press conferences?  <shudder>

That makes you shudder? Try imagining waking up with this person every day,
spending much of most days with this person, going to sleep with this person
every night. What do you have to look forward to this holiday season: time
alone with Marilyn. Who is your closest friend in life: Marilyn. Who do you
sit down together with for reruns of the Waltons? Marilyn.

Dan, at least, could provide comic relief. Marilyn doesn't even have that
redeeming quality. She is a true blue walking talking American Nightmare.

>Golf, anyone?

Polo?
From: yuna@athena.mit.edu (Yuna Huh)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Subject: Re: Calvin for President (was Re: I'm dragging out the old T-shirt)
Date: 7 Sep 92 02:24:09 GMT
Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology

Nah.  Kirk/Spock '92!
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: dward@scf.nmsu.edu (Dan Ward)
Subject: Election Count down
Organization: New Mexico State University
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL5
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 22:47:15 GMT

Today is September 11, 1992.  By my count, only 53 shopping days left...
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: dks@MIT.EDU (dks)
Subject: Hey, it's better than being "Habitually Incorrect" ...
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 92 21:36:29 EST
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Someone recently referred to:
> the self-righteous ultra Politically Korrect crowd here on a.f.d.q   
                                       ^
That's "Politically Correct," dammit.


Dhanesh

  It is kommon nolledge that we're also humorless, pedantic, and elitist!

Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle
From: wall@cc.swarthmore.edu (Matthew Wall)
Subject: Re: Don't make fun of Quayl's math.
Followup-To: alt.fan.dan-quayle
Organization: Swarthmore College Computing
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1992 15:41:46 GMT

In article <1992Sep14.081443@IASTATE.EDU>, danwell@IASTATE.EDU (Daniel A
Ashlock) wrote:
>    Looking at the parmesian ($13.79/pound) I requested a sixth of a pound.  The
> counter employee got out the Big Cheese Knife, hefted a huge chunk of cheese on
> the counter, whacked off a chunk, and put it on the Nifty Digital Scale which
> said "0.40".  The counter employee then turned to me and said,
> 
>    "Is that O.K. sir?"
> 
>    "That's more than twice as much as I asked for," I replied.
> 
> The counter employee walked quickly into the back room and asked someone in a
> very quiet voice,
> 
>    "How much is one sixth?"

Ha ha. Reminds me of a time I asked for a pint of draft beer in a Boston
sports bar, and the waitrees said "we don't have pints, just 12 ounce and
16 ounce sizes."

Now you know why it's still served in bottles.

- Matt
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle,alt.politics.bush,alt.politics.clinton
From: mvp@netcom.com (Mike Van Pelt)
Subject: Re: "I can even forgive Bush for Dan Quayle, but not for this."
Date: Wed, 09 Sep 92 18:33:00 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Distribution: usa, na

In article <1992Sep9.131841.18844@news.uiowa.edu> williams@herky.cs.uiowa.edu (Kent Williams) writes:
>Oh, and the speech was about 'Family Values.'  He was raving about
>'Hollywood' lying and distorting what he said; claiming that he was
>against single mothers.  He kept talking about 'that one sentence' in
>the speech.  I would tell him (if I could) that a lot of us got the
>impression that he was against single mothers, after seeing clips of
>his speech.  Nobody is lying about him; he's just so monumentally
>inarticulate that no one knows what the fuck he's saying, and we have
>to draw our own conclusions.  His speeches are just about as bad as
>Jason's recent post.

I've got the transcript of the infamous "Murphy Brown" speech.  (Not
machine-readable, alas, and I'm not going to type the thing in.) It's a
perfectly straight-forward speech, not a bit inarticulate, though many
people may reasonably disagree with parts of it.

Quayle's quite right, they *are* lying.  They play that once sentence
on continuous loop, and pretty soon, you believe that's all that was
in the speech.

You could, of course, go to the library and find a transcript of
that speech if you were at all interested in the facts.

-- 
Mike Van Pelt                 "There are only two religions on this planet.
mvp@netcom.com                 There's the one that says that God is God,
mvp@hsv3.lsil.com              and the one that says that Man is God."
                                                -- Frank Peretti
Newsgroups: alt.fan.dan-quayle