HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: loooong weekend
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 19:37:11 GMT

<SCG107@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:

>*** Some sort of SPOILER warning- raw and bloody places showing ****

>Like it says in the subject line, it has been a loooooong and difficult
>weekend.

>There's something in my head that wants OUT.
>Something I don't want to know about, that should stay buried.

>Saturday afternoon I spent in bed crying, for no particular reason, because
>I couldn't do anything else. And it has gone downhill from there...

>There's a monster here with me, and if I turn around fast enough I can almost
>see its shadow. If I pull the blankets over my head, will it go away??

>I did something yesterday that I'm ashamed of, something I never thought I
>would do. And it bothers me to tell about it. I'm afraid people will be mad
>at me and not understand. I hurt myself to try and keep this THING away from
>me. Not much, just a little blood. And the terrifying part is that it worked.
>It gave me something real to focus on, and a punishment for thinking such
>horrible things, and it made me feel better. And I can see myself doing it
>again, and I'm scared.

oh, i know how that feels.  but notice this:  notice how you feel about it
*now*.  after the soothing effect of the pain and blood goes away, do you feel
better or worse?  cutting always made me feel worse and ashamed in the end.  so
did it help you overall?  it took me a long time to go through this line of
thought about cutting.  i was a cutter for about a year before i got it through
my head that it wasn't helping.  anyway, if this helps you avoid some of the
mistakes that i made, then great.  but i also know that you need to go your own
speed and that i can't fix everything/anything for you.  so please, be kind to
yourself, and may your healing be swift and your scars quickly fading.

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: CHAPTER 3...
From: Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower)
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 20:39:44 GMT
Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand.

In article <5mvnfy+.boserj@netcom.com> boserj@netcom.com (Jeffrey Boser) writes:
>anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne) writes:
>>PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't kill yourself!!!!!!

[...		comments that should *never* have appeared
		on asar, or anywhere, else deleted           ]

>.....jeff
><smirk>  I know im going to get flamed bigtime for this one


The one thing in his post that I agree with.

I suggest that this be done mostly by email.

If you want to post smething about his post, I suggest that you do
*not* quote his offensive comment.

Does his post contravene any laws?  

Should his local postmaster be informed about his misuse of email?


Gavin

-- 
Tomorrow's Society                              | flower_g@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
    Depends on                                   ----------------------------
Today's Children  - help us raise them properly! 
*******  These comments have no known correlation with dept. policy!  *******
From: tibbits@sisal.llnl.gov (Patrick Tibbits)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Self-defense class?
Date: 5 Sep 92 04:50:19 GMT
Organization: Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory

Citizens Against Crime will come to your institution, present
information on surviving mugging, rape. They sell a very handy
tear gas keychain. Many women play aikido, which tends to rely
less on strength and speed than other arts. 

Patrick

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1992 16:27:29 EDT
From: <SCG107@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Adults saying NO and other things
 <92247.224626SCG107@psuvm.psu.edu> <Bu2xu0.q0@comp.vuw.ac.nz>

In article <Bu2xu0.q0@comp.vuw.ac.nz>, Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin
Flower) says:
>
>In article <92247.224626SCG107@psuvm.psu.edu> <SCG107@psuvm.psu.edu> writes:
>[...]
>>to realize that what happened to me was abuse and how it has affected me) I
>>had never said no to him- I don't think it even occurred to me that I
>>could. Even now, it is almost impossible for me to say it.
>
>I'm starting to think that variations of this are common in women.
>Men and women tend to think in different ways.  Most (?) women tend
>not to want to upset others and want to be polite, so they don't
>always reply directly to a question like "Do you want me to...".  An
>example given to me by my girlfriend (an adult!) was when a man asks a
>woman if she would like the window closed.  The woman is likely to say
>something like "Ok.", or some such, if she *doesn't* want the window
>closed, but she isn't too concerned.  However, if she really agreed,
>she would be more enthusiastic.  My girlfriend said it was a
>characteristic of Asian women, but I'd previously read it in a book
>from an American female author.  I think the degree of aquiessence (sp?)
>varies between people, and their mood.  It probably applies to some
>men as well.
>
The other person's opinion is more important/valuable, except in the rare
instances when I KNOW I'm right, or when it is something extremely
important. Unless the subject is related to sex, when I am almost incapable
of enforcing or even expressing my wants and needs. Do as you are told,
don't rock the boat, you are going to do what I want because I am bigger/
stronger/older/better than you are.

>Maybe the partner of someone who can't say "no", should ask a question
>which requires a significant positive answer to continue, rather than
>an absence of a negative one?
>
>Could some survivors comment on the above please.

My partner will generally ask me yes/no questions, like "Is this okay?"
Sad to say, on some occasions, I've fought down my feelings and said yes,
even when it wasn't, because I was so scared to say no. And then I can't
even tell him afterwards, because I know he won't understand and will be
mad at me. I appreciate the concern and caring his questions imply, but
sometimes I wish he wouldn't do it because it makes things seem even
harder. And because I don't deserve anyone to care about my wishes. Isn't
that awful???

>"Babble" away as much as you feel the need, it can be good for you.
>

Babbling away.... :-)

Sarah
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear)
Subject: to anon-1160
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 10:13:50 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


jeff i'd like to respond to your email but don't want to post it...can you
turn on your email?  thanks

poohbear



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From: tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: CHAPTER 3...
Date: 11 Sep 92 16:20:41 GMT

uribe@jarthur.claremont.edu (Lydia Uribe) writes:
> In article <BuFLE8.Eyn@comp.vuw.ac.nz> Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin
> >In article <5mvnfy+.boserj@netcom.com> boserj@netcom.com (Jeffrey Boser)
> >><smirk>  I know im going to get flamed bigtime for this one
> >Should his local postmaster be informed about his misuse of email?

being a sorta usenett tech 0, HOW do I inform the local postmaster?
(send me e-mail on how)
and I will be more that HAPPY to do so-
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: too much, not enough not a spoiler this time
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 21:32:56 GMT

mcmorris@vet.vet.purdue.edu (brandywine) writes:

>well, first I want to thank everyone for all the support I got.
>leaving people is hard for me, even when they hurt me... and being
>able to write about it here helped a lot.

you're welcome.  i've never been aboe to write about my experiences outside of
electronic forums.  i know what you mean though.  very odd how just putting
down the events that happened can be so cathartic...

>I had my first counseling appointment today, and I really think this
>guy can help me help myself.  I ahve never had a male conselor today,
>and it is a little wierd for me.  But, we talked, especially about the
>brian thing, and set some goals for counseling.  I really feel better
>about this guy than I have felt about counselors in the past.

wow.  you're braver than i.  i still won't go see counselors, because of some
bad experiences with them when i was a child.  i think that being sent to a
counselor before you're ready to deal with your problems is worse than no
counseling at all.  anyway i'm glad this one seems promising for you.

>But, the point of this post is to say, I am feeling btter now. Just

yay!  happy news!  *smile*

>reaching for the help made me feel more empowered. COusneling is hard
>for me because of the whole KEEP IT A SECRET and YOU AREN"T GOOD
>ENOUGH messages. But it is easier this time than it was last time.

>Just wanted to post this... hope it isn't inappropriate.

oh, heavens no.  i think it is good for people to post their good news here as
well.  otherwise, it would sometimes just get to be too much of a downer.  i
personally love hearing that other people are doing well and making progress in
their healing.

-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: root@khijol.UUCP
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: testing,
Date: 13 Sep 92 06:38:10 GMT

X-ANON-Version: 0.4

ignore

sent 09-13-92 at 12:55am EST

poohbear

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From: anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: to CRYSTAL
Date: 9 Sep 92 10:43:08 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


I wrote you email...i don't know if you got it....if you didn't post
here and i'll try and figure out why it didn't work. ok?

*hugs to ya if you want them*
JASMYNE



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From: v130py5w@ubvmsd.cc.buffalo.edu (Renee M Sparling)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: none
Date: 10 Sep 92 14:10:00 GMT
Organization: University at Buffalo
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

>I wel .... wish to subcsribe to this service

no subcription is needed! This group is open to anyone! You can talk about 
anything, we're good listeners!!

Renee

welcome to the group!
E*hugs to you
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cryst@belay (Crystal Bell)
Subject: My mother
Organization: Belay Enterprises Inc. Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 1992 21:25:03 GMT

        Hi, I just need to talk, I spent nineteen(ish) years being Mother 
to my mother, On average every two weeks she called to tell me that she had
either Met a new guy, was getting married, was at one of her engagement
parties (she was the one getting engaged) and had met a new guy.
Or she would tell me that she was in the hospital, or had moved out and was 
living with one of her "friends"  then a few days later she would call me to 
tell me that she was back together with One of her ex's I spent all those
years being her support system. Then she up and decided that she didn't want
to come to my Grad, you know, one of the most important nights of my life. 
I went to my Grad banquet alone. Every One of my friends had at least one 
parent there. I stood watching Them all have pictures taken with their parents
Hell I even took some of them. I Mean I have a really great group of friends
but none of them could understand why I was upset. My nineteenth birthday
was ten days later She didn't call to say Happy Birthday. 
She spent so many years abusing me and treating me like sh*t and leaning
on me for support, When she called me up a month or so ago. To tell me that
she had gotten Married (To a guy that caused her to spend her last Christmal
(OOPS 's') in the hospital) I decided that in My mind The woman had died. 
Something in my mind and heart wouldn't let me. I called her a week ago 
Guess What??? 

Are we surprised? she had taken off. 
After all the crap she had put me through why on earth should I feel guilty
about changing my unlisted phone number? (Actually i moved but that's
not the issue) And making everyone who has it promise not to give it to her.
I shouldn't feel guilty. after all she has NEVER ,EVER been there for me 
when I needed her. Through any of the sexual abuse, Hell a lot of it was 
her fault. She was the one who allowed her boyfriend to sell me. 

Why do I feel guilty?????

                                        Sorry for rambling. 
                                        **Crystal**

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne)
Subject: nightmares
Date: Tue, 8 Sep 1992 10:14:29 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


i know other people have them..do they ever go away???

*********

i was talking to some friends of mine, when the subject of aura's came
up. I asked waht mine looked like, naturally, and they told me it was a
greenish color. What does green mean ? i asked.  it means that you're
inthe process of healinf yourself, or that you're being healed by
someone. oh i said.
Funny thing is neither one of them know what i'm going through. Actually
i had just met one this evening. Interesting eh?

**********

i also had my tarot read.....
the reading came out fairly on the positive side so i'm happy. I may
come out of this alive one day after all.there were alot of references
to me being calm and steady on the outside.....but being in turmoil on
the inside, and me being unsure of my exact goals, and me being in the
process of healing. I know that everyone doesn't believe in these things
but i do, and it's given me a little positive push. I'm not as depressed
as i was......but i am still depressed....this is a deep one.

***************

Speaking of, a friend of mine told me he wants me to call him if i ever
am real bad. i know people say this all the time. How often do they mean
it? I never call, even though i've promised on occasion.....i never want
to bother them (common theme?).

****************

Ahh, well i must depart, it's late and i have two presentaions in class
tomorrow. g'night all.


****************

*hugs* if you want them

JASMYNE



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell)
Subject: Re: none
Organization: University of Washington
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 02:22:55 GMT

anon-1221@twwells.com (phoenix) writes:

>I've been kind of a lurker to a.s.a.r for a few months.  I have to say
>that I think that you're all wonderful.  It's very encouraging to
>see a supportive group for people who've survived something that is
>as "secret" as sexual abuse.  I finally decided to post anonymously and 
>use the nickname "phoenix" 'cause I'm trying to "rise from my own ashes."

welcome, phoenix!  it's a good name you've chosen, as proven by the fact that
someone used it once before!  our prior phoenix left asar some months ago, but
do not be surprised if people mix the two of you up.

>A little about me - looking back on my childhood, I'd say that I was
>abused by my mom from _way_ back...I'm not sure how much intercourse there
>was but I distinctly remember a LOT of things like intimate body stroking.
>It's the hardest thing to remember and to deal with because so much of my 
>initial individual programming said that this was "just healthy touch that
>all happy families like ours indulge in" and I feel that this has seriously
>hampered my ability to distinguish "what is a HEALTHY relationship."  (BTW,
>my father is an alcoholic and my mother a co-dependant; over the last
>few years I've become very familiar with the terms survivor, etc.)

>Right now I'm recently married and am trying to work lots of these things out 
>with my wife.  It's really, really hard and I'm afraid of my marriage 
>crumbling because I don't _know_ what a healthy relationship is.

i think we are *all* working on that one, all the time...  i know i haven't got
nearly all the kinks out of my relationship with my s.o., even though i think
we have a very good relationship overall.

>In addition a piece of me feels that what happened to me isn't incest at all 
>and I'm just kidding myself because after all I'm just nuts anyway.

no, you're not.  yeah, it's hard to admit that you're an incest victim.  no one
wants to lay claim to that.  but it doesn't mean your nuts.  you're taking what
is probably the saner route in the long run -- dealing with it and getting on
with a happier life.

>I don't know.  A question to the group:  what constitutes incest?  Is it
>just intercourse?  Or is there more to it than that like intimate stroking,
>etc.?

any sexual behavior (even "normal" stuff like hugs and kisses) between
relatives can be incest.  i would say that what you describe above definitely
fits the definition of "incest".  but anyway, try not to get hung up on
definitions.  they're often hard to pin down, and not as useful as looking at
how you actually feel now about what happened.

good luck, hang in there, take care of yourself, and i hope asar can be of help
to you.  
-- 
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
|tactical nuclear sdi stealth nsafood signature.  | cloister@u.washington.edu |
+-------------------------------------------------+---------------------------+
From: root@khijol.UUCP
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: post
Date: 11 Sep 92 07:21:11 GMT

X-ANON-Version: 0.4





In article <cloister.715926359@milton> cloister@milton.u.washington.edu (cloister bell) writes:
|anon-1201@twwells.com (Jasmyne) writes:

|[ most of jasmyne's story deleted to save space ]

|>I'm terrified of men. i know that i want to know that someone would hold
|>me without wanting me to "perform" for them. But i don't think there is
|>anyuone that safe out there. I hope that i'm wrong but everyday i think
|>i'm more and more right.

You are NOT right.  However, there are more than a few men that would want
exactly what you say.  I can understand that you are upset, but please resist
catagorizing ALL men (or ALL anything else) as one way or another.
I, for one, am not one of those men.  [I was, however, once dumped after one
date because I "wasn't animal enough" for the lady (go figure...;-) )] 

There are good people out there (men and women), but they are not all that
common, I'm afraid.  You don't need to be terrified of men (I know, easier 
said than done...), but you must be cautious of anyone that you don't know
well.  To find good people takes time, so when you do find some take care
of them (as in treat them well).

|>All men do want is sex from you. They don't care about much else.

I beg to differ.  While I would be less than honest if I said that I never
wanted sex from a woman, there is much more I want (like a friend, a confidant,
a playmate, someone to snuggle up with, someone to travel with, someone to talk
with,... you get the idea).  I care about many other things that have nothing
to do with sex (job, the health of my friends, the state of pollution, what
the children of the country are being taught/exposed to, etc)

|>God i hope i'm wrong...i'm only 19 i shouldn't be angry like this..hate
|>like this.

Anger is natural after traumatic events, but PLEASE be careful where you
direct it.  If you should fall in the trap of believing that ALL men
are evil, vile, .... then you will miss the potential of finding the
right one for you.  I'm not saying pretend that nothing happened, something
DID, and it was very unfortunate, but if you can never get past it, then
it was truly a disaster.

|>Jasmyne

Hugs if you want them

Taylor		khijol!twm@saturn.upl.com
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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: aatresa@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Teresa Kline)
Subject: Re: sinking big time
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Yeah, *right* !
Date:  6 Sep 1992 11:36 EST  

In article <Bu2pKB.xJ@twwells.com>, anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear) writes...
> 
>10pm 9-02-92
> 
>Poohbear made a contract with her therapist tonight that she would not
>cut herself or kill herself.  

Did you want to Poohbear?  If so, I think it was a wonderfully empowering 
thing for you.  And great that your therapist was willing to do it.  

>therapist (i hate that word, does it freak others out that it says 
>the rapist???) 

Actually I had never noticed it.  Would you like us to use a different word 
for you.  I prefer counsellor myself:  it seems to make us partners. 

Take care of yourself Poohbear.  And talk to us.  We don't think you're 
taking up space.  I think you're helping us as much as we're helping you (
at least I *hope* we're helping you.)

-- Teresa

		Life -- just for the FUN of it!!!!
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1160@twwells.com (poohbear)
Subject: two worlds
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 00:15:46 GMT
X-Email-Accepted: yes
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


not just two
lots and lots
and i fly inbetween and back and forth and get caught by the edges and cut up

there have been times when i've been ok lately; when i am, being not ok does
not exist for me.  I am either a together me; an average person, or i am
shattered in shards and lay all around looking at my parts.  what does
being better mean?

Heavy therapy yesterday.  (counseling, i mean)  She told me that I want
a mom.  I DO NOT WANT A MOM I DONT I DONT not mine or anyone elses.  I
don't need.  if I needed i would want a mom but i can;t need and so i don't.
oh hell i don't know.  it is so hard to write here.  i am never fully here
sorry.  also she told me she wants to tape my sessions.  that is terrifying.
she asked me why i never called her when things got bad; i always end up
calling someone else.  (usually male, she pointed out)  it all goes to
show poohbeah asks for it.

i think i know there is a forgone conclusion that i will kill myself.  we just
have to see how long she can hold out before she succumbs.  and that drink
form lethe seems oh so tempting.  oh so perfect.  oblivion.



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