HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Pre-breakup vibes
Date: 28 Jul 92 17:10:14 GMT
Reply-To: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Organization: BNR Europe Limited, London Road, Harlow, Essex, GB

In the referenced article drburne@eos.ncsu.edu (DALE ROBERT BURNETT) writes:
>
>|  We had a couple of fights (which we have had before) and all of a suddent 
>|   she decides she wants "to stop seeing me for a while" and wants "some time
>|   to herself to make some decisions." In the meantime we go from a close 
>|   caring relationship to absolutely nothing over night. I still care for her
>|   very much and tried to talk to her about it but she refuses to talk about 
>|   it and insists that I should respect her wishes.
>|
>|   This has been going on for about a month now and I feel like I'm slowly 
>|   going crazy. She won't talk about it, doesn't know what she wants from me,
>|   won't see me and we barely talk at all anymore.
>
>
>i think she is either setting him up for a break-up or trying to let
>things die out because she is to chicken to say "i have another man."

I agree. The same-ish happened to me some years ago with my very-ex-finacee.
I wouldn't say we had many 'fights', but the similarity is an LDR (but in
the same country), the shocking suddeness which really throws you, and the
unbelievably frustrating unwillingness to explain or talk about it.

In my case, she 'had' another man -- although of the one-night-stand kind.
(Something which I'm not sure whether to believe or not as it was so
(apparently) uncharacteristic of her.)

She was certainly setting me up for a breakup though -- 5 years effort &
investment on both our parts went up in smoke with phone call in a few
days: 'Its over'. Thanks. :-(

>  
>| What would you do?
>
>He could just keep doing what he is doing and make life miserable for 
>her until she works up the guts to tell him the truth (no matter what it is,
>another boyfriend or whatever.)  I am saying this strictly on the signs shown 
>above 
>
>i would dump her.

Agreed. Get to her first before she gets you! 

;-)

The trouble is, of course, you still love her... Bummer, isn't it. :-(
Took me 5 years to feel 'over' my breakup. I hope you get through sooner.
It certainly sounds like this is what you should face up to, alas.

Sorry,

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
From: u2122541@csdvax.csd.unsw.edu.au
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Another friends and lovers
Date: 21 Jul 92 12:03:29 +1000
Organization: University of New South Wales

After reading the article 'friends and lovers', I originally wanted to reply
it and make some comments on it.  However, after thinking for a while, I found
I have the sort of the same problems on it.  So, I decided to write down an
article about it.

I have known her for more than 14 years, since we were in primary school.
To tell you the turth, I asked her to go out with me at the first year of
primary school but, of course, we ended up at last.  We have still been very
good friend since that.  When she was year 11, she went to Australia. (We 
originally lived in Macao)  Two year ago, I came to Australia as well.  Then,
this year, we both are in the same city.  We date each other quite often.  
We talk to each other on the phone more often.  I think that is ok since we
have been friend for such a long time.  Both of us, keep reminding each other
that we are just very very good friend.  As my point of view, I really don't
want to break the friendship into love.  I think she has the same idea as well
since I know her very well.  However, I find our actions are not going the same
way as we think.  Every time when we are together, I can help holding her in
my arms, or sometimes she holds me, or somtimes we hold each others hand. 
Still, we keep reminding each other that we are just very good friend.  There
was a time I just asked her if we were getting too closed together.   But she
just replied slightly 'No'.  Well, I can see we are already sort of in love.
Maybe you would tell me that just simplily tell her about this.  That is not
a bad idea -- if she is not going to go back to Macao next year.
Well, this is the real problem to me.  
She used to have a boyfriend in HongKong but they broke up after she came to
Australia.  I don't want to hurt her again and I don't want to be hurt also.
After all, I really don't want to break the friendship.  I prefer she is a
very good friend to me forever than a temporary lover.

However, between this period, from now on to next year, I find it is so hard
to keep the relationship.  Tell me what can I do?

Thanks for reading article and forgive my poor English as I am a Chinese.

Laurie 
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: "god" made man first...
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 19:38:43 GMT

afdenis@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison) writes:

: In article <1992Jul28.200659.11645@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com>, puter@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com (PuterDude) writes...
: 
: >How did this thread get started in alt.romance? 
: 
: Obligatory Appropriate Newsgroup Disclaimer... 
: I find humor *quite* romantic if handled properly... film at 11 ...

Only if I can watch ... :)

: >Oh well, I might as well add....
: > 
: >Sticker seen on the bumper of a "dyke" 
: 
: I was unaware that water-retaining walls had bumpers... hmmmmmmmmm :-)

I think you're reaching, Stephen ... strrrreeeeeeetttching ...

: >(that's what "she" called herself)
: 
: .. and we go on to attribute `gender' to the wall... *interesting*, 'puter

Gender to the wall?  Well, I've felt that way a time or two, myself...
gotten nailed to the wall, that is :)

: >(Put irritating quote here. Please make it as long as possible.)
: .. and *include* a formfeed to confuse newbies... :-)

...and Stephen obliged ... (naturally!) ... :)

: -- Stephen
:  
: 	The smallest light offered in total darkness is a blinding
: 	beacon of hope.

...until you realize it's the light of an oncoming train :(
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/269-8125
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Why ? Was:I don't know why I am posting this...
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 19:42:25 GMT

cwes1@cs.aukuni.ac.nz (Clare West) writes:

: It's nice to see that at least some men fit my gut feeling that there
: are men out there who don't mind women taking the initiative, thank
: you for restoring my faith in human nature (1/2 :-) )

I do!!! <raising hand>

I get so damned tired of going out on a limb to ask someone out. :(

Once, just once, I'd like it if someone I met on the net offered to come
to *me* instead of the other way 'round...
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG     erc@apple.com                801/269-8125
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: oliva@julian.uwo.ca (Chris Oliva)
Subject: Pre-breakup vibes 
Organization: University of Western Ontario, London
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 19:00:13 GMT

 
   Hi everyone, I'd like some input on a little problem I have.

   I was having a great relationship with a girl in Toronto, I live about
   a 2 hour drive West in London, when all of a sudden things went to hell!

   We had a couple of fights (which we have had before) and all of a suddent 
   she decides she wants "to stop seeing me for a while" and wants "some time
   to herself to make some decisions." In the meantime we go from a close 
   caring relationship to absolutely nothing over night. I still care for her
   very much and tried to talk to her about it but she refuses to talk about 
   it and insists that I should respect her wishes.

   This has been going on for about a month now and I feel like I'm slowly 
   going crazy. She won't talk about it, doesn't know what she wants from me,
   won't see me and we barely talk at all anymore.
   
   Is she being sincere, or is she just setting me up for a slow and easy        (for her) break. Should I be patient and wait (and go crazy) or forget 
   about her and move on with my life?

   What would you do?

Chris.
From: saqx@vax5.cit.cornell.edu
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Going, going, ...
Date: 29 Jul 92 20:00:28 EDT
Distribution: world
Organization: Cornell University

As many of you have undoubtedly heard by now, the New York courts recently
made it unmistakably clear that barring some overt lewdness (whatever
that is), women's bared breasts are A-OK for public display.  As a 
resident of this great welfare state, I must say:  where has all the romance
gone? ;-)  What's next, people walking around buck naked?  Imagine what a 
boring world that would be.  Take away the imagination and you'd probably
be surprised how much zest is lost.  What do you think, a grass roots 
campaign, "BRING BACK CLOTHES"? ;-)

-- 
##############################################################
#                                                            #
#  RNJX@vax5.cit.cornell.edu                                 #             
#  Jeff Wilson                                               #
#  Cornell University                                        #
#  Department of Chemistry                                   #
#  --SF author in the making--                               #
#                                                            #
#  Is what you're living for worth dying for?                #
#                                                            #
##############################################################
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Why ? Was:I don't know why I am posting this...
From: cwes1@cs.aukuni.ac.nz (Clare West)
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 04:54:41 GMT
Organization: Dept of CompSci, U of Auckland

dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
>In the referenced article ghosty@terapin.com (Noah Hanna) writes:
>>Quote:

[this was me!]

>> 
>>   I think that women have the freedom to ask too, and they should take
>>   it.
>>

[can't remember who this was:]

>>But it may not be a good idea because if they do this they appear less
>>attractive in the eyes of most men. 
>>-end-
>>Well, I, being a shy guy (not trademarked, sorry) would find it pretty
>>releaving if more females would take the initiative.
>
>Hear, hear. If "most men" really do think this, it could explain a lot!
>eg. why women think so little of us. *I* don't think it, and I bet an
>awful lot of reasonably sensitive guys don't either.

It's nice to see that at least some men fit my gut feeling that there
are men out there who don't mind women taking the initiative, thank
you for restoring my faith in human nature (1/2 :-) )

clare

-- 
Oh, why didn't I listen when they said "Never do a   |  cwes1@cs.aukuni.ac.nz 
 masters and try to have a life at the same time"?   |  clare west
                 BigSis to Chris, Eric and Kristiina
                    Official Welcomer of the RFA
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: advice need on long distance relationship
Supersedes: <92210.113600CEG112@psuvm.psu.edu>
Organization: Penn State University
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 14:21:28 EDT
From: <CEG112@psuvm.psu.edu>

I am a new reader but I really needed some help bad.  I've asked friends but
they've never had a problem like this so they're not real helpful.  Last summer
I met this guy who I found out was leaving for Korea for the air force the week
after I met him.  We dated the whole week and after he had left continued to
write each other for the entire time he was gone.  He had been gone for over a
year and had told me to date other people so I did but found myself comparing
every guy to him.  They just weren't the same to me.  He just recently arrived
back.  I was afraid things would change between us since he was gone for so
long but when he got back I found our relationship to be just as great as it
always was.  We've been going out for the past week that he's been home but I
want things to progress further but the only problem is I don't know how he
feels.  We've never talked about it.  He is leaving August 15 to go to Texas
which is closer but is still far away from me (Pa.).  I'm afraid once he goes
to Texas he will find someone better.  Is it possible to keep this relationship
going???  And most importantly how can I tell him how I feel about him?????? I
am the type of person who has trouble expressing my feelings unless he
expresses his first.  I do know however that I really do love him and don't
want to lose him and I am afraid if I don't tell him I will definately lose him
to someone else.  Any help would be greatly appreciated.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Christine                      "If you love something, let it go free
ceg112@psuvm.psu.edu            If it returns love it forever,
                                If it does not it was never meant to be."------
                                Unknown
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xref: sparky alt.romance:10227 alt.sex:24778
From: scylla@ziggys.cts.com 619/262-6384 (Pam Matthews)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
Subject: Re: Cologne (was Re: male sex appeal)
Date: 22 Jul 92 00:49:58 GMT
Organization: Ziggy's Den Of Iniquity, East of East SD CA

mingmar@cs.mcgill.ca (Ming MAR) writes:

} >I find it rather ludicrous that Madison Ave spends so much money
} >for deodorant companies to convince us that we stink.
}  
} An awful lot of people stink.  The exact number varies from place
} to place.  I lived in New York City for 16 years and never once
} encountered someone who had B.O.  I lived in Toronto for 4 years
} and it was there that I first met someone with B.O.  I didn't
} know what it was at first.  I've been living in Montreal for the
} last 14 years, and I often encounter people with B.O.
}  
I'm not attracted to men who don't bathe.  I said I like the smell of 
sweat, clean healthy sweat, NOT reeking, unwashed bodies.
 
} >I like the taste of cigarette smoke on a man's mouth
}  
} Ugh!  Retch!  Barf!  Kill smokers!  Kill!  Kill!  Kill!  Oh, did
} I mention I don't like cigarette smoke?
}  
I don't like cigarette smoke - I like the taste of it on a man's mouth. I 
cough and choke and gag in a roomful of smokers as much as you do, but I 
can't help what I find erotic, and that's the TASTE.
I bet you can overreact to just about anything if you want to.

              scylla@ziggys.cts.com - BBS (619)262-6384
                 Ziggy's Den Of Iniquity 
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: DORSET@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu (R. F. Davis)
Subject: Re: Essence of Relationships
Organization: C.C.S.O.
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1992 17:25:10 GMT

In article <83954@netnews.upenn.edu>
rpatel@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Rachana D Patel) writes:
 
>
>I mean, couldn't you find these qualities in a friend? Wouldn't these
>qualities come about if you were good friends with the person?
>What I am trying to understand is the line between a close friendship and
>a relationship.
>
>Anyone out there have any opinions on the subject?
>
 
First of all, the two are not mutually exclusive; someone with whom you
have a relationship SHOULD be a close friend (maybe not at first, but
certainly as the realtionship progresses).  Maybe the difference (or
part of the difference) is that a relationship has passion and a
friendship does not (or at least has much less).
Xref: sparky alt.romance:10219 soc.couples:3426
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.couples
Subject: Re: Cruelty when breaking up
Date: 21 Jul 92 18:47:26 GMT
Article-I.D.: jetsun.1992Jul21.184726.14737
Distribution: usa
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <BrpJ0J.MvM@news.udel.edu> helie@bach.udel.edu (Ray) writes:
>In article <BrpD9M.KJH@news.larc.nasa.gov> 
>nimmo@scb3.larc.nasa.gov (Nancy A. Nimmo) writes:
>
>"	Ray doesn't understand why the woman he has broken up with is 'cruel'
> to him. Is he serious?  Let me get this straight... Ray was the one who
> broke up right?  "
>
>Wrong.  *I* was still trying to get back together with her, and she 
>kept blowing *me* off!  It seems like my use of the phrase "broken up
>with" has led you to believe that I did the dumping.  Sorry to 
>have mislead you.  

Ahh...but this makes all the difference in the world. 

Ray, you originally asked why would someone who you had broken up with
treat you cruelly after a breakup, even though she said she loved you
before. You may feel that if she dumped you, that there must be a
reason, and she should communicate it to you so your relationship can
continue, albeit in some drastically different way. Clearly, that
is the adult and sensible thing to do.

But look at it from her point of view: she probably had a dream of some
perfect relationship, and had been convinced that you were the one to
fulfill that dream.  She discovered, for what ever reason, that you
couldn't make that dream come true.  She had a lot invested in her
dream, and now feels she has lost the dream forever, and hurts over
losing the dream.  Now, seeing you is causing her pain because it
reminds her of the loss of that dream.  She may wish you would simply
disappear, so she can forget she ever had a dream.

So, while it may appear to you that she is being unreasonable, from her
point of view it may seem the only way.

By the way, have you tried talking to her about this? I know you said
she won't tell you what is going on, but have you actually confronted 
her? If you have, you can ignore the following:

Sometimes, in order to be nice, or to pretend like nothing is wrong, we
avoid asking direct questions, and then get frustrated when we don't
get any answers. Sometimes, you have to go the direct route. Don't
accuse, or try to express your feelings in your questions, but directly
ask her what you want to know. Try to keep it concrete and to the
point, and listen when she says. You might ask her if she has dumped you
(if she has not acknowledged this), and how she intends to deal with you
in the future. I wouldn't get into the 'why', because this tends to
sound like an accusation, and make the other person clam up.


Good Luck,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: jeanie@cbnewsm.cb.att.com (jean.c.ward)
Subject: Re: A first hello?
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: na
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 15:52:52 GMT

In article <92204.193122ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET> <ICSAA@ASUACAD.BITNET> writes:
>I have been reading alt-romance for some time, but have only figured out how
>to post (I hope).  You seem such a delightful bunch, and my husband is gone
>for a month, and I hope that I can perhaps participate. . . Would someone pleas
>e let me know if I've blown it?  Anyway, to shorten the story and point my post
> how do you all handle longish but intermittent separations?  I send letters,
>he calls, but it's lonesome at home.
>                                    thanks.
>                                            Stefani


Hi, Stefani.  Just to let you know, you didn't blow it and welcome. :-)
In order to handle the separations, you read newsgroups like this.  Personally,
I have always felt that separations were good for me.  The homecomings were
always great! :-)  Not everyone feels the same way, though, so what I would
recommend is making the most of the time while he's away.  Do the things that
you enjoy doing during this time, especially if they are things that you as
a couple wouldn't.  In other words take the time to pamper yourself.  This
will make you feel real good about yourself and when he returns.....well,
nothing more needs to be said. :-)  

--
Jeanie

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: advice need on long distance relationship
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 17:04:15 GMT

CEG112@psuvm.psu.edu writes:

: feels.  We've never talked about it.  He is leaving August 15 to go to Texas
: which is closer but is still far away from me (Pa.).  I'm afraid once he goes
: to Texas he will find someone better.  Is it possible to keep this relationship

If he were female, I'd say "maybe".  After all, *I'm* from Texas! :)

: going???  And most importantly how can I tell him how I feel about him?????? I
: am the type of person who has trouble expressing my feelings unless he
: expresses his first.  I do know however that I really do love him and don't
: want to lose him and I am afraid if I don't tell him I will definately lose him
: to someone else.  Any help would be greatly appreciated.

If it's been this way for the past year, I doubt that you'll lose him.
Re-read your .sig :)

: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
: Christine                      "If you love something, let it go free
: ceg112@psuvm@psu.edu            If it returns love it forever,
:                                 If it does not it was never meant to be."------
:                                 Unknown
: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG		erc@apple.com	<-- preferred email address!
"In wildness is the preservation of the world."  - Henry David Thoreau
** Member, Linux port team - uucp division ** :)   801/269-8125
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: pap@po.CWRU.Edu (Paul A. Poklepovic)
Subject: Re: blind date
Reply-To: pap@po.CWRU.Edu (Paul A. Poklepovic)
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA)
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 92 05:09:20 GMT


In a previous article, eda537esys@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au () says:


>To go on a blind date or not to go on a blind date.....

You should definately go for it!   After all it's only one night
out of your life and even if it's a total disaster it's really no
big deal.  Although it might not be a bad idea to talk on the phone
once or twice before you go out, that way there is less pressure at first
and it's easier to get to know each other.

>The thing is ive seen friends go on blind dates b4 that have turned out to 
>be complete disasters so i am vary wary here....

I have gone on blind dates that were complete disasters in the past as
well, of course I also met 3 former girlfriends that way.  It's well worth
the risk.

>on the other hand i may as well go for it like it can do know harm
>and this person is pretty good judge of peoples character and personalitys so
>maybe it will go ok and something could develop...

Exactly!

>
>Any suggestions or hints...

Just be yourself and have a good time!

--Paul

-- 
"I'm not going to tell you how I want it done, because then you will
do it how I want it, and I don't want it done the way I want it done"
	----  Mr. Rayer, fine arts teacher, answering a question about
an assignment.
Newsgroups: alt.romance