From: elf@halcyon.com (Omaha Sternberg)
Subject: Re: the "oh" experience
Originator: elf@halcyon.com
Reply-To: omaha@eisley.wa.com (Elf Sternberg)
Organization: Pendor, UnLtd.
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1992 23:36:59 GMT

In article <1992Aug25.235623.18567@cbnews.cb.att.com>
     eleanor@cbnews.cb.att.com (eleanor.j.evans) writes:

>Whoops!  Reality check time...
>
>In article <1992Aug21.101842.776@specialix.co.uk>
      kamal@specialix.co.uk (Kamal M>ortoza) writes:

>>elf@halcyon.com (Omaha Sternberg) writes:
>>
>>  [...]. Jealosy is the product of insecurity...
>>If a relationship has trust - it becomes insignificant. In piglet's case,
>>where she isn't in a long term stable relationship - it will exist.
>
>I don't really see length of time in the relationship as the 
>determining factor.  For me, it's careful selection of partners,
>and honesty that do the trick.

   I agree. Honesty IS one of the most important factors in a relationship,
no matter how long or short it is. Elf and I have been married for three
years, and together(living together) for seven. Jealousy is the product of
insecurity...the insecurity one feels when they have no or little trust. I
rid myself of my jealousies because I trusted Elf...and we're still
together, and will continue to be so.

>>As I was saying - YOUR relationship matured and you managed to shed the
>>feelings that society conditioned you to feel. This - I still maintain -
>>does not apply to new forming relationships where the trust element has
>>yet to be proven. 
>
>I wouldn't say that it's necessary to establish poly-amory within the
>context of each "new" significant relationship.  If I am dating someone
>for whom poly-amory is an option, we already now the basic ground-rules,
>and can work out our own variations.  Kind of like when you're first 
>learning how to date monogamously.  Monogamy is not a viable long-term
>option for me.  I must therefore select partners for whom poly-amory
>is a long-term option, and perhaps should even restrict myself to those
>for whom monogamy is also not a long-term option.


>>...You must however
>>accept that with one as young as piglet sounded, the possibility of a
>>deep stable trusting relationship - although not impossible - is unlikely
>>simply because there hasn't been enough time for one to form. 
>
   No! I have had deep relationships that were very stable form over a very
short period of time. The reason I believe is that both I and the
person(people) with whom I had these relationships knew what we wanted out
of the relationship. I tend to open up and trust someone quickly if I can
feel that I can. I've trusted my feelings for quite some time because I've
been able to predict bad or good situations from them. Intuition, if you
will. Not every relationship will form this way, and not everybody can form
them this way, but it can and has been done.

>
>>>   Oh, I'll agree, that for ME anyway, threesomes can and are just as
>>>fulfilling, at times, as one on one lovemaking. But it's not the only
>>>way to go. There is the possibility that multiple relationships will
>>>work, because they work for me and my husband. Try them, and if they
>>>don't work, they don't work for you. Then try something else. Always
>>>expirement...because after all that is the only way one learns.
>
>Hi, Omaha!  I quite enjoy threesomes--at least, I did the one time
>that could technically be called a threesome, but, might, on the
>other hand, be technically disqualified.  I hadn't learned to aggress
>sufficiently to find out if we could have moved in that direction,
>though I'm convinced we could have, and would if I'd been more bold.
>Or she'd been more bold.  He was bold enough for the both of us....
>(There's something amazing about sex with a couple...)
>
>On the other hand, my first time (and, I assume, quite a number of
>subsequent times--when they occur--any volunteers?) with a woman,
>I _definitely_ did not want a man around.  I had reached an odd
>mental/physical state that I'd never achieved before, that's quite
>different from sex with two others.  Mixed others.  Or possibly just
>multiple others, I don't really know.  The situation is crying out
>for practical experimentation...
>
>Piglet
>
>
-- 
Elf Sternberg    __   |     I have looked into the abyss, and the abyss
elf@halcyon.com  \/   | has looked into me.  Neither liked what we saw.
elf@polari.online.com |                              - Brother Theodore
Newsgroups: soc.bi