From: nelson@reed.edu (Nelson Minar)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Saving our children
Date: 19 Aug 92 21:12:15 GMT
Article-I.D.: reed.1992Aug19.211215.6569
Organization: Reed College, Portland, OR

(It's amazing how many thoughts percolate up out of soc.motss. This
particular thought pattern comes from about 5 different threads on
motss, and some email I sent to Robert L. last night)

A lot of us have had the experience of having some realization of our
homosexuality during adolescence. I'd wager that this experience was
less than pleasant. 

We know the figures on gay teen suicide.

There are so many different issues to deal with when coming out..
Homophobia of other people, one's own homophobia instilled by society.

There are a lot of issues that are especially powerful during
adolescence. Identity itself is such a fragile thing..  Acceptance by
peers is crucial, and role models are needed. Simply the emotional
intensity of adolescence makes realizing homosexuality a hellish
process.

My own experience was fairly fortunate. I realized I was gay 4 years
ago, when I was 16. I had the help of a good counselor, and I was
aware of some real live gay people.. I was able to talk with some of
my closer friends, who were understanding, and I didn't have too much
internalized homophobia. I didn't have too many obstacles to overcome.

The thing that was hardest for me was realing that I suddenly had this
new *identity*, being Gay, and this identity was very foreign to me. I
didn't have any way to learn what it meant to be Gay - I could read a
few books, and I furtively looked in the doors of a few places where
gay people congregated, but things didn't get much better until I
graduated from high school and had a real live boyfriend (Hi Jay!
Thanks for posting the ACT-UP report from Houston!).

The thing that pisses off the most about the family values agenda is
how it will hurt children. Sure, I mind it when adults hate me, but
that hatred doesn't really affect my own emotional well-being.

But adults are teaching children to hate homosexuality! Lesbigay kids
are being taught to hate themselves. If the OCA amendment passes in
Oregon it will be required to teach children in school that
homosexuality is *wrong*. What will this do to lesbigay kids, when the
teachers they respect tell them that what they are in their own hearts
is evil?

I get so mad, so sad, that I feel like crying.

How do we help lesbigay adolescents come to terms with their own
sexuality? It's vital that we do this - too many people are growing up
learning to hate themselves, and far too many people are not ever
growing up because it seems easier to stop living. But it's also a
touchy issue, both because homosexuality is so "controversial" and
because lesbigay people themselves are under suspicion of recruiting.

There are a few programs out there. Most big cities have a gay youth
group, maybe an underage club that embraces sexual diversity. And
there are a few exceptional things like Project 10. Thank god most of
the teachers are on our side.

All I know to do is to do my best to be visible as a happy queer. When
I was out demonstrating in the streets with Queer Nation, the thing
that made me happiest was when some teenager saw me. He knows that I
am queer and happy. He knows that there are queer people in the world,
people he can't hurt. And if he might be lesbigay himself, then I hope
to provide at least a little comfort that he is not alone.

But this is such a small thing.
-- 
                __
nelson@reed.edu \/        You stupid vulgar greedy ugly American death sucker
Newsgroups: soc.motss