From: mathew <mathew@mantis.co.uk>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Short, shameful confession
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 18:03:08 GMT
Distribution: world
Organization: Mantis Consultants, Cambridge. UK.

A while back I set up the Clueless Users Network Test System.  Users
subscribed to it received the following mail message on a semi-regular basis
(once a week or less):

   To: <user>
   From: clueless@mantis.co.uk
   Reply-To: clueless@mantis.co.uk
   Subject: Welcome, clueless user!

   Welcome to the Clueless Users Network Test System, an intelligence test
   for the ignorant and impolite.

   You have been automatically added to this mailing list because you sent a
   subscription request like "UNSUB ME" out to the entire readership of a
   mailing list, instead of sending it to the list server or list maintainer.

   There is nobody of worth reading this mailing list.  The only way you can
   become unsubscribed is to figure out the standard way of unsubscribing
   from an Internet mailing list.  Until that time, you will get these
   messages regularly.

   If you made an innocent mistake in sending your "UNSUB ME" out to the
   entire list, then you will know how to unsubscribe from this list
   immediately and no harm will be done.

   If, on the other hand, you simply have no clue how to deal with mailing
   lists, you'd better start reading up on the subject before you go
   blundering around again.  Your attention is cordially drawn to the
   newsgroups news.announce.newusers, news.newusers.questions, and
   news.answers.

   Hint: the mailing list address is clueless@mantis.co.uk.

   Final hint: most mail servers understand the "help" command.

   Have fun.

The clueless mailing list was largely a joke, and was suggested on nm-list
after a bunch of people (a) kept sending "UNSUB" messages to the entire
mailing list and (b) flamed the list administrator for not unsubscribing them
immediately when they did so.  I decided what the hell, and set up the
Clueless Users list.

I'm surprised to be able to report that traffic has been light.  Until just
recently, the ten or twenty regular subscribers just sent occasional little
messages to each other saying "UNSUB".  In fact, few users have actually
tried to unsubscribe.  Those who did generally worked out immediately that
they should send mail to clueless-request@mantis.co.uk.
                                 ^^^^^^^^
However, there's been a flurry of activity in the last few days:

   Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 12:01:40 GMT
   From: someone@somewhere.org (Name Deleted)
   Subject:  Re:  Welcome, clueless user!

   You know assholes like you think that you can play games with someone's 
   personal email, but you picked the wrong person, because I am the last 
   person who will give in to shit like you, I can simply stop reading mail
   at this account rather than do one little thing that you tell me to do. 
   So keep sending junk here for /dev/null to read. Btw, I am a system admin-
   strator, I know more about mail servers than you ever want to find out, 
   but then two can play this game.

   Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 12:01:08 GMT
   From: someone@somewhere.de (Name Deleted)
   Subject:  help

   what the *f..k* is this ?

   Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 12:02:52 GMT
   From: someone@somewhere.edu (Name Deleted)
   Subject:  Re:  Welcome, clueless user!

   Who the hell are you?? I never sent anything to your address. I think you
   received mail from the wrong person. If you want to be a nuisance, think
   twice or better yet, in your case, once.

   Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 12:03:12 GMT
   From: someone@somewhere.com
   Subject:  hey

   Hey how did I get on this list?

   I tried control/alt/delete but I'm still on the list.

   Jane stop this crazy thing!

   Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 12:03:47 GMT
   From: someone@somewhere.edu
   Subject:  HELP

   HELP

   Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 12:05:42 GMT
   From: someone@somewhere.edu
   Subject:  Welcome, clueless user!

   Greetings, fellow clueless users.  I feel that this
   bboard^H^H^H^H^H^Hmailing list will be the proper place for us to
   talk about our COMMODORE 64s and e-bond.

   Hugs.

   --Pat

   //exit
   /exit
   \exit
   /quit
   ^C
   bye
   ^D
   FSGHK$%^FKH%$^&OFDHK$%)YI4$%#)2$)%$#)^( NO CARRIER

Since I'm going away at the weekend, and since a couple of people have
completely missed the joke and started threatening legal action (yeah, right),
the clueless mailing list is officially closing down.  I have repented my
evil and sarcastic ways, and I am going to spend a couple of weeks being nice
to people for a change.

*HUG*


mathew
-- 
This disclaimer does not represent the views of Mantis Consultants Ltd