From: g-martin1@uiuc.edu (Gregory A. Martin)
Subject: [9F09] alpha release (corrections please)
Originator: gamg6900@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
Reply-To: g-martin1@uiuc.edu (Gregory A. Martin)
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 12:12:22 GMT


==================================================================== 18-Dec-92
[9F09] Homer's Triple Bypass
==============================================================================

==============================================================================
Synopsis
==============================================================================
Homer's eating habits finally catch up with him, requiring either a $40,000
coronary bypass or a visit to Dr. Nick Riviera -- any operation, $129.95.

==============================================================================
Title Sequence
==============================================================================
> Bart's Blackboard Punishment:
        I will not belch the national anthem
        I will not belch the    - at cutoff
        (Recycled from [7F15])

> Lisa's Sax Solo:
        ........

> The Driveway:
        Homer says `D'oh!' when Lisa scoots past.
        Homer says `Waugh!' when the car closes in on him.

> The Couch:
        Couch springs out into a bed.
        (Recycled from [7F01] and [7F15])

> Time: 
        [0:48] Title sequence shortened.

==============================================================================
Quotes and Scene Summaries
==============================================================================
% Cops in Springfield (a shocking expose) introduction. 
% Cops batter down Reverend Lovejoy's front door by mistake.
% Snake actually lives next door and drives away.

Snake:  Close, but no donut, cops!
Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect driving a... 
        car... of some sort... heading in the direction of... um... you 
        know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless, repeat, 
        hatless.
-- 

% While watching TV, Homer feasts in bed. Marge scolds him to no avail.  
% Bart grosses out Lisa, causing her to scream. This is not good for 
% Homer's weak heart.

Bart:   What's wrong?
Homer:  You know that feeling you get when a thousand knives of fire        
        are stabbing you in the heart? I got that right now.
        Oooh, bacon!
--

Marge:  Homer, I prepared a special surprise just for you!
Homer:  It could only be one thing. [Imagines roast pig.] 
Pig:    Pssst--the best meat's in the rump!
Marge:  Here you go!
Homer:  What the hell is this?
Marge:  Nice, healthy oatmeal.
Homer:  Oooh, oatmeal. What a delightful treat!
        Oh, there's a bug in it.
--

% Homer returns to eating his bacon.

Bart:   Dad, there's a bug on that.
Homer:  Eh...
--

% Homer is impatiently driving to work, tailgating the birthplace of
% Edgar Allan Poe. He harasses the driver until the house bursts into
% flames and goes off the road.

Homer:  I keep hearing this horrible irregular thumping noise.
Pumper: It's your heart and I think it's on its last thump.
Homer:  Whew! I was afraid it was my transmission.
--        

% Burns monitors Homer chowing on donuts.

Burns:      Look at that pig stuffing his face with donuts on my time!
            That's right--keep eating! Little do you know you're drawing
            ever closer to the poison donut. Ho-ho-ho-ho!
            There is a poisoned one, isn't there, Smithers?
Smithers:   Aah, no sir. I discussed this with our lawyers.
            They consider it murder.
Burns:      Damn their oily hides!
--

% Burns summons Homer.

Burns:  Relax, Simpson. I just want you in here for a friendly hello...
        and goodbye!  You're fired! But wait, perhaps I'm being too hasty.
        You are highly skilled... at goofing off! Now don't worry Homer. 
        You're the kind of guy I could really dig... a grave for! Your 
        indolence is inefficacious!
Homer:  Huh?
Burns:  That means your terrible!
--

% Homer finally suffers a heart attack.

Smithers:       Mr. Burns, I think he's dead.
Burns:          Oh dear! Send a ham to his widow.
Homer's ghost:  Mmmm... ham.
Smithers:       No wait, he's alive.
Burns:          Oh good, cancel the ham!
Homer:          D'oh!
--

% Homer is wheeled through the busy emergency room.  The Bouvier sisters
% sit around the kitchen table.

Patty:  Oooh!  Buy three tubes of Mr. Blister, get one free!
Marge:  [Phone rings] Hello... yes... oh, dear Lord!
        Homer's in the hospital--they think it's his heart! [leaves]
Selma:  Oh my God!
Patty:  What?
Selma:  Five cents off on wax paper.
--

% Dr. Hibert revives Homer with electrocardio stimulation. Homer sees
% his life flash before his eyes.  

Hibert: Mr. Simpson, I'm afraid you've just had a mild heart attack.
Homer:  I'm out of the woods now, right? I mean whatever doesn't kill me 
        can only make me stronger.
Hibert: Oh, no. Quite the opposite. It's made you weak as a kitten.
--

% Hibert torments the helpless Homer.

Homer:  Remember your Hippopotamus Oath!
-- Homer can't remember the Hypocritic oath

Marge:  Can't you do something for him?
Hibert: Well we can't fix his heart, but we can tell you exactly how 
        damaged it is.
Homer:  What an age we live in!
--

% Homer is examined by Dr. Hibert.

Hibert: Now what you see here is the radioactive dye we injected flowing
        through your husband's circulatory system.
Nurse:  But, doctor, I haven't injected the dye yet!
Hibert: Good Lord!
--

% Dr. Hibert examines Homer in his underwear

Hibert: Homer this is a new body-fat analysis test. I start you jiggling
        and measure how long it takes to stop.
Homer:  Woo-hoo!  Look at that blubber fly!
Hibert: Yes. Nurse, cancel my one o'clock.
-- There aren't enough hours in the day, 

% Dr. Hibert counsels Homer and Marge.

Hibert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.
Homer:  Say it in English, doc!
Hibert: You're going to need open-heart surgery.
Homer:  Spare me your medical mumbo-jumbo!
Hibert: We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker.
Homer:  Could you dumb it down a shade?
--

% Homer suffers another heart attack upon being informed that the operation
% would cost upwards of $30,000.  This increases the price to $40,000.

[End of Act One.  Time: 8:18]

% Homer and Marge lie in bed trying to decide how to pay for the operation.

Homer:  Okay, okay, we need forty thousand dollars. Now how much do we have 
        in the check book?
Marge:  Seventy dollars.
Homer:  Hmm. Have we deposited any forty-thousand dollar checks that haven't
        cleared yet?
Marge:  No. Don't you have health insurance at work?
Homer:  Well, actually, we gave it all up for a pinball machine in the 
        lounge.
Marge:  D'oh!
--

Homer:  Don't worry Marge, America's health care system is second only to
        Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well, all of Europe. But you
        can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay.
--

% Marge cries. Homer tries to get health insurance.

Agent:  Now before we give you health insurance I have to ask you a few 
        questions.
Homer:  Questions? Questions? Oh, my whole scheme down the... I mean ask
        away.
--

Agent:  Oh good. Now under heart attacks you crossed out three and wrote
        zero.
Homer:  Ho, ho, I thought that said brain hemorrhages.
Agent:  Uh, huh. And do you drink?
Homer:  I do enjoy a snifter of port at Christmas.

% Homer suffers another heart attack before signing the policy.

Agent:  We better get you to a hospital.
Homer:  Can I have a free calendar?
Agent:  Okay.
--

% Doctor Hibert revives Homer again with electrocardio stimulation.

Homer:  Oh doctor, I was in a wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone,
        and there were all these guys in red pajamas sticking pitchforks in
        my butt.
--

% Doctor Hibert reminds Homer to get the operation but Homer can't affort 
% it. Instead Homer takes a second helping of electrocardio stimulation.
% Homer goes to see Reverend Lovejoy.

Homer:  Now I know I haven't been the best Christian, in fact when you're 
        up there blah-blah-blahing I'm usually doodling or mentally
        undressing the female parishioners. Well, anywho, can I have forty-
        thousand dollars?
--

% Homer goes to see Rabbi Krustowski.

Homer:  Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I rented Fiddler on the
        Roof and I will watch it. Anyway, can I have forty-thousand dollars?
--

% Homer goes to see a miscellaneous priest, but gives up. Homer plays with
% a dreidel.

TV:     Hi, everybody! Are you looking for way to slash the costs of your
        medical expenses?
Homer:  Boring.
Marge:  Wait, this might be the answer we're looking for.
TV:     I will perform any operation for $129.95! Come in for brain surgery
        and receive a free Chinese finger trap. Okay, Fred. You've tried the
        best, now try the rest. Call 1-600-DOCTORB. The B is for bargain.
--

Homer:  Kids, I have something to tell you.
Marge:  Ohh, Homey, I don't know. This might upset them.
Bart:   Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV Generation.
Lisa:   We feel neither highs nor lows.
Homer:  Really? What's it like?
Lisa:   Eh...
--

% Homer explains the truth of his operation using the harsh reality of 
% finger puppets.

Lisa:   Dad, are you trying to tell us you're getting a coronary artery
        bypass graft?
Homer:  Uh, yeah.
Bart:   Oh, no. What if they botch it? I won't have a dad... for a while.
--

Homer:  Kids, kids, I'm not gonna die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart:   What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer:  Uh... he sold poisoned milk to schoolchildren.
--

% Homer goes to the hospital and discovers that the bed goes up AND down.
% There his roommate is Ned Flanders.

Homer:  Flanders, what are you doing here?
Ned:    I'm having a kidney and a lung removed.
Homer:  Who are you donating them to?
Ned:    First come, first serve.
--

% Flanders is sorry he can't donate his heart.

Dr Riviera: Hi, everybody, I'm Doctor Nick Riviera!
Speaker:    Dr. Riviera, Dr. Nick Riviera, please report to the coroner
            immediately.
Dr Riviera: The coroner, I'm so sick of that guy. Well, see you in the
            operating place.
--

Ned:    Dear Lord, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks, and 
        Sweating to the Oldies Volumes one, two, and four.
--

% Homer's prayer is interrupted by a nurse pointing out the No Praying sign.

% [End of Act Two. Time: 5:27]

% Bart and Lisa attend Sunday school. Lisa imagines Homer in heaven. 
% Krusty % surprises Homer in the hospital as part of his public service 
% for drunk driving and manslaughter.

Krusty: Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through.
        I know. I'm in the zipper club myself. [smokes]
Homer:  You seem okay.
Krusty: Yeah? Well I got news for you. This ain't makeup!
--

Grampa: They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I've
        never fully understood why that is. Frankly, I can see an up side to
        it. Heh, heh, heh!
--

% Carl and Lenny bring a signed card, and lament how difficult it has been
% to replace Homer.

Barney: When I first heard about the operation, I was against it. But then
        I thought, if Homer wants to be a woman, so be it.
Homer:  Barney, I'm not getting a sex change.
Barney: Whaat? What the hell am I supposed to do with this jumbo thong
        bikini?
--

Moe:    Uh, Homer, I snuck you in a beer, for old times' sake.
Homer:  Thanks, Moe.
Moe:    Uh, you know, Homer, that beer ain't free.
--

% Lisa reads a journal of cariology.

Lisa:   Mom, this is fascinating. Did you know they'll stop Dad's heart for
        six whole minutes?
Marge:  Hmmm. I don't know if I like you reading all those cardiology books.
Lisa:   No Mom, it's very reassuring, and I've learned a great deal from
        this cow's heart I got at the butcher's shop.

% Dr. Nick Riviera visit the Springfield Medical Library to watch a videotape 
% describing the surgical procedure. Unfortunately someone taped over the 
% ending with "People Who Look Like Things".

Pumpkin Head:   All we ask is to treated with dignity and respect.
Emcee:          And a new candle now and then?
Pumpkin Head:   Yes, and a new ca... no!
--

% Marge and Maggie visit Homer.

Homer:  Oh, my little Maggie. I may never hold you again. Ewww, stinky-pants.
--

Homer:  Now Marge, if the unthinkable should happen you're gonna be lonely.
Marge:  Homey, I could never remarry.
Homer:  Darn right. And to make sure I'm want to be stuffed and put on the 
        couch as a constant reminder of our marital vows.
--

% Bart and Lisa enter.

Homer:  Kids, I wanna give you some words to remember me by in case something
        happens. Let's see. I'm no good at this. [Lisa whispers to him]
        Bart, the saddest thing about this is I won't get to see you grow up
        because... [Lisa whispers again] I know you're gonna turn out great 
        with or without your old man.
Bart:   Thanks, dad.
Homer:  And Lisa... [Bart whispers] I guess this is the time to tell you...
        [Bart whispers again] You're adopted and I don't like you. Bart!
        [Bart whispers again] But don't worry because you've got a big 
        brother who loves you and will always look out for you.
Lisa:   Oh, dad!

% Doctor Nick starts the operation.

Dr Riviera: Now, if something should go wrong, let's not get the law
            involved. One hand washes the other. Ooh, that reminds me...
            [washes] These gloves came free with my toilet brush!
--

% Patty and Selma introduce Andre the swinging bachelor to Marge. Marge
% points out Homer isn't dead. Moe's Tavern is somber.

Moe:    Let's have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend Homer
        Simpson. [silence]
Barney: How long has it been?
Moe:    Six seconds.
Barney: Do we have to start over?
Moe:    Hell no.
--

% Apu feels bad for Homer.

Apu:    Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible
        for his wretched health?
Man:    Give me some jerky.
Apu:    Would you like some vodka with that?
Man:    Oh, what the hell, sure.
--

% Doctor Riviera has trouble beginning

Nurse:  Doctor, what's wrong, don't you know where to make the incision?
Dr Nick:All right, Nick. Don't panic. Think back to med school. [remembers]
        Seriously, baby, I can prescribe anything I want.
--

Dr Nick:I know I'm supposed to cut something, but what? And where?
Lisa:   Hey! The incision in the coronary artery must be made below the 
        blockage! Below!
Dr Nick:Thanks, little girl. 
--

Dr Nick:The knee bone's connected to the something, the something's 
        connected to the red thing, the red thing's connected to my
        wristwatch. Uh-oh.
--

% The operation is a complete success!

Man:    Dr. Nick Riviera. Remember me?
Dr Nick:Well, if it isn't my old friend Mr. McGreg, with a leg for an arm
        and an arm for a leg.
--

% Homer's revitalized heart pounds out the Simpsons theme!

% [End of Act Three. Time: 6:48]

==============================================================================
Credits
==============================================================================
Written by: 
        Gary Apple & Michael Carrington 
Directed by: 
        David Silverman
Music: 
        Normal Simpsons fanfare
        Normal Gracie fanfare

==============================================================================
Reviews
==============================================================================
{XXX}   blah
        blah

==============================================================================
Comments, Questions, and Other Observations
==============================================================================
{XXX}   blah
        blah

==============================================================================
Running Jokes
==============================================================================
> Itchy & Scratch
> Space Mutants
> Snake
> Donuts: Snake, Homer
> Driving a... car
> Battering ram
> Bart gross out
> Homer imagines: pig
> Burns twiddling fingers
> Burns and lawyers
> Interior view of heart: Burns's office, music at end
> Heart stoppages: Homer bed, breakfast, insurance office, music at end
> Ooooh, bacon
  Ooooh, oatmeal
> Homer roller coaster: Burns's office good/bad
> Burns sending ham
> Mmmm... ham
> Braking for animals: deer
> Got your nose
> Fat sloshing around
> Woo-hoo: 
    look at blubber fly
    look at dreidel go
> D'oh:
    Homer after canceled ham
    Marge during health insurance
> Animated neon sign
    Merry Widow Insurance Co.
> Maggie sucks on:
    Dreidel
> finger puppets
> Jeff/Akbar puppet
> Flanders-isms
    If that don't put the dink in co-inky-dink
> Shut up Flanders
> Ziggy -- Burns has mentioned Ziggy previously
> Krusty smokes
> Moe giving away beer
> Barney burps: 0!
> Dr. Nick Riviera
> Eviscerated heart

==============================================================================
References to Previous Episodes
==============================================================================
    ... Police watch the baseball episode of Itchy & Scratchy from [7F09]
        "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
    ... Snake (why he's wanted)
    ... House truck driver seen before at Driver's Licencse Office
    ... Jacques with finger stuck in bowling ball
    ... Akira
    ... Grampa watching baby homer in the baby room
    ... Apu's elephant god shrine
    ... Dr. Nick Riviera
    ... blah [CODE] blah

==============================================================================
Popular References
==============================================================================
> Specific References    
        "The Telltale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe
          - Poe's house, Homer hears heart beating
        Star Wars
          - When Homer is on the operating table, the pillow gives him the
            Princess Leia hair and breathing the gas sounds like Darth Vader

> `Genre' References:
        Cops
          - Fox reality show highlighting the exploits of city police

> Passing References:
        Fiddler on the Roof

==============================================================================
Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
    ... Actions on "Cops: in Springfield"
        ... Chief Wiggum tries to stop a jumper, after he jumps Chief Wiggum
            gestures that he is a screwball
        ... Officers watch a successful arrest... on TV
        ... Pull knife, gun, brass knuckles, and hand grenade out of 
            ????'s beard
        ... Shoot at a mummy, Chief Wiggum throws his gun at the mummy
        ... Watch Itchy & Scratchy
        ... Use helicopter to watch "Space Mutants" drive-in movie
        ... Use battering ram on Reverend Lovejoy's house
        ... Put APB out on Snake
    ... Lyrics to "Cops: in Springfield" song
            Bad cops, bad cops,
            Bad cops, bad cops,
            Bad cops, bad cops,
            Bad cops, bad cops,
            Springfield cops are on the take,
            But what do you expect for the money we make?
            Whether in a car or on a horse,
            We don't mind using excessive force,
            Bad cops, bad cops,
            Bad cops, bad cops.
    ... Chief Wiggum and many cops wear bulletproof vests
    ... Snake lives at 742 Evergreen Terrace
        ... Has a basketball hoop over the driveway 
        ... Eight cows in the yard
        ... Pitchfork and shovel in the garage
    ... License plate on Snake's car
            EX CON
    ... While Chief Wiggum puts out the APB he makes a gun with his fingers
    ... Food on Homer's bed
            Turkey
            Spaghetti
            Diet Cola
            Pizza
            Cake
            Fondue
    ... SLH licks food from Maggie's pacifier
    ... Homer's imagined pig has aroma vapors
    ... Pig winks at Homer
    ... Transported house
            Birthplace of Edgar Allan Poe
    ... Edgar Allan Poe was born in Boston, Massachusetts, in 1809
    ... House bursts into flames before it crashes
    ... Homer's exit
            Gas Services, Gasso, Full Serve, 1.59 9/10, 1.99 9/10, 2.19 9/10
    ... During Homer's heart attack the frame showing the interior view of
        the heart shatters and crumbles to the ground
    ... Signs in emergency room
            Emergency rooms (right)
            Trauma (right)
            No smoking
    ... People in emergency room
            Some guy with left arm in a sling
            Jacques with thumb stuck in a bowling ball
            Groundskeep Willy in a kilt and long gloves
            ???? with his beard caught in a bicycle wheel
            Akira with his hand stuck in a board
            Apu with another bullet wound
            Krusty waiting for Sideshow Mel
            Sideshow Mel stuck in a cannon
            Chief Wiggum with mouth stuck open from eating a sandwich
    ... EKG shows Homer's heart isn't beating while he asks for more
        electrocardio stimulation
    ... Homer's life
        ... Baby Homer eats a slice of pizza
        ... Teen Homer sings in the church choir
                ???? ???? ???? ????
                ???? ???? angels ????
                ???? ???? (voice changes)
                Hey, my voice just changed
                The night when Christ was born
    ... Dr. Hibert's abuses of Homer
            Slaps
            Tickles
            "You swing like a girl"
            Rubs bald head
            Got your nose
            Bee in stomach
            Pulls cheeks
    ... The radioactive veins in Homer's body make a grotesque human form
        complete with hair, face, arms, body, and legs
    ... Hospital is Springfield General Hospital
    ... When Homer wears his glasses he becomes the smart Professor Homer
    ... Merry Widow Insurance Co.
            Grieves at grave holding flowers
            Dances on grave holding check
    ... Reverend Lovejoy's huge laminated wood clock
    ... Hindu priest
        ... Two swords on the wall
        ... Two statues are half elephant, half rooster, wearing hats
    ... Homer calls "dreidel" a "droodle"
    ... Maggie suck on the dreidel
    ... Guy with Chinese finger trap has stitches on his forehead
    ... Dr. Nick Riviera's phone number is 1-600-DOCTORB
    ... SLH's eyes light up when Homer mentions a dog doing the operation
    ... In Homer's puppet show the queen looks exactly like Jeff/Akbar
    ... Buttons on Homer's bed control
            Up
            Down
            TV
            Nurse
    ... Water sprinkler by loudspeaker
    ... Reporter says, "Where are the bodies?"
    ... Flanders gives thanks for
            Ziggy comics
            Little baby ducks
            Sweating to the Oldies volumes one, two, and four
    ... "No praying" sign
    ... For a moment Sunday school teacher has devil's horns
    ... Ten Commandments and picture of Moses are on wall
    ... Homer thinks Krusty is healthy because he smokes
    ... Card says "Get Well Soon Homer"
    ... Signatures on card
            Carl
            Lenny
            Charley
            XOXO Susan (XOXO means hugs and kisses)
            <happy face>
            Seven illegible signatures
    ... Printed on back of card
            Emergency procedure, do not remove
    ... Homer is replaced by a brick
    ... Homer's visitors
            Krusty
            Grampa
            Carl and Lenny
            Barney and Moe
    ... The Springfield Journal of Cardiology
    ... Barney doesn't burp in this episode
    ... Springfield Medical Library
            Circulatory A-L
            Cardiology A-M
    ... "People Who Look Like Things"
            Cash register
            Palm tree
            Broom
            Pumpkin
            Coffee Maker
    ... People in the surgical theater
            Guy sleeping with mouth open
            Guy eating popcorn
            Guy eating ice cream
            Couple making out
            Another guy sleeping
            Guy with beverage can
    ... Homer has monocular vision
    ... Clock says 9:00
    ... Sign in Moe's Tavern "Must be over 21"
    ... Apu's store
            Pork rinds
            Slushee machine
            Counter-top says "Cash"
            Jackpot $
            Cash register
            "Red" liquid
            "Green" liquid
            "Give" jar
    ... Dr. Nick has sweat on his brow
    ... blah
    ... Dr. Nick's flashback to med school
            Sigma chi paddles
            Ying-yang medallion
            Guy drinking huge beer
            Girls wears peace signs
            Beach ball
    ... Clock says 11:41
    ... Dr. Nick sparkled angelically
    ... Marge sheds a tear of happiness
    ... blah
    ... blah
    ... blah
    ... blah
    ... blah

==============================================================================
Freeze-Frame Fun
==============================================================================
    ... Homer's heart attack in Burns' office
        ... Watch Homer's facial and body contortions
        ... At one point Homer has three eyes
        ... While beating Homer's heart actually makes the ideal heart shape
        ... Heart shows frames of playing card suits: clubs, spades,
            diamonds, hearts

==============================================================================
Animation and Continuity Goofs
==============================================================================
    ... When Dr. Hibert give electrocardio stimulation to Homer, the
        assistants move from shot to shot
    ... Observers in the surgical theater change from shot to shot
    ... Scalpel starts with not blade, then acquires one
    ... Assistants in the operating room move around from shot to shot
    ... Operating room changes in size and shape

==============================================================================
Missing Animation
==============================================================================
> Seen in Commercials:

> Butchered/Censored in Australia:

==============================================================================
Distribution Notice and Acknowledgments
==============================================================================
> Significant Contributions Were Received From:
        {XXX} - Person (e-mail)

> Distribution Notice:
        This compilation Copyright 1992 Gregory A. Martin and Daniel S. Lewart
        The quotes from The Simpsons are the property of the 20th Century 
        FOX Film Corporation, and reproduced contributions belong to their 
        respective authors. This compilation may be freely distributed 
        through Usenet or any other associated networks on the provision 
        it remains unaltered and is not used to promote a commercial service.

==============================================================================