From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: I'll Call You
Date: 16 Nov 92 19:11:44 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <00963A4C.F93ABC60@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
>Okay, guys.  What does "I'll call you," REALLY mean.  I'm fairly sure it's a
>handy exit line that doesn't really mean anything, and I don't expect much
>whenever I hear it.  But I'm wondering if there are any tips on how to tell if
>a guy's just saying it or he really means it (aside from the obvious, i.e.
>waiting for the phone to ring).  How often have you said it, intending to call,
>but then changed your mind?  And why?
>
Welcome to dating hell. Actually, it is not that bad, but you have to face
a lot of negatives. Anything that is suggested for the indefinite future
should be discounted. I was easily disappointed till I learned to treat
'we should get together some time' as 'I want you to know that I like 
you enough that I want you to think that I like you enough to get together
some time'. People know that if they say nothing, the other person will
feel they really don't like them, so the say something they really don't
mean.

I personally am guilty of saying 'we should get together' without meaning
it, but I don't remember ever saying I would call, and not calling. Sometimes
that meant calling when I would rather not, but to me it sounds like a 
promise.

Generally, you won't know ahead of time whether or not someone is being 
sincere, so you have to keep your expectations low until the guy has
shown that he is better than that. Part of the problem is that when
you have just met someone, you can be confused about whether or not
you want to see them. Also, you may want to avoid losing contact
with someone until you figure out whether or not you want to see
them. This is true for girls and for guys.

You can call the guy's bluff and force him to say that he is going to
do something or not do something.  (e.g. "I won't be able to answer the
phone except  9pm Thursday. Will you call me then?") The problem with
that is you might scare away someone who is not a jerk, but is unsure
about how interested he is in you.

>This happened to me again this weekend;  went out Friday, guy says let's get
>together tomorrow night, I'LL CALL YOU, and then never did (I thought he would,
>too).
>
Now the details come out. Although this is dating, I think he owed it to
you to call, because he implied that he would call sometime Saturday. 
(Hint to the guys: if you want to sound like you actually mean it when
you say you will call, attach a time to it.) If you see or talk to him
again, I would be sure to mention it, treat it as something he 
had committed to do for you, and let him know that he let you down.
That is, treat it as a matter of ethics and rights. It sounds like
you would be better off if you don't hear from him again, though.

"Let's get together tomorrow night" is vague enough that I would take
it as an idea rather than a promise. "Let's" is the weasel-word in that
phrase. Watch out for people who use too many weasel-words.



>This is all so confusing.
>
>Cheryl
>
You said it, sister.

Peace,
Michael.