Organization: Penn State University
Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1992 13:43:21 EDT
From: <CXF12@psuvm.psu.edu>
Newsgroups: misc.kids
Subject: Re: Alternatives to Spanking?
Distribution: na
 <1992Jul25.192711.16723@cbnewsc.cb.att.com>
 <1992Jul25.222214.9628@unlinfo.unl.edu> <1992Jul27.145247.6791@cs.brown.edu>

In article <1992Jul27.145247.6791@cs.brown.edu>, mhn@cs.brown.edu (Marian H.
Nodine) says:
>
>First, going back to the spanking for tempter tantrums -- if you
>do spank for temper tantrums, it does not work to spank them *during*
>the tantrum.  The child is too caught up in tantruming for the spanking
>to have any other effect than making the child feel more thwarted.
>If this is the approach you are taking, you need to teach the child
>to calm down and get things under control.  Once the child has been
>brought under control, *then* you explain that having a tantrum is
>wrong, and why.  *Then* you spank them.  Then you forgive them for
>having the tantrum, give them a hug, affirm your love for them, and
>move on with life.  (OK, folks, I have my asbstos suit on for this
>one. :-) )
>
>In terms of alternatives to spanking, the problem with showers is that
                                       ********************************
>they bear no logical relationship to having a tantrum.  How is having
 *********************************************************************
>a cold shower really teaching him why tantrums are bad?  Tantrums have
 *******************************************************
>no relationship to cleanliness.  Timeouts are better ...
 [some good (IMO) arguments for the use of time-outs deleted]
>
>-- Misty

I agree with a previous poster that tantrums are not necessarily "bad", but
that it is important to teach children to channel their anger or frustration
in a way that won't hurt someone else.  However, I wanted to comment on the
implication that spankings (unlike showers?) bear a logical relationship to
tantrums.  How does hitting a child bear a logical relationship to having a
tantrum?  Although I have no interest in starting another "spanking war", I
think that tantrums may be one of the worst situations to try to resolve
through spankings.  IMO, the people who have most successfully argued their
position that spankings are appropriate under certain circumstances have
been those who point to the effectiveness of a spanking when it is administered
*immediately* for behavior that is potentially dangerous (e.g., running into
the street without looking for traffic).  Delaying a spanking (as suggested
above) only further removes the connection between the behavior and the
punishment.  Additionally, trying to teach a child to control his/her
anger by hitting him seems to be a good way to model a different but (IMO),
equally unacceptable behavior -- when someone doesn't do what you want, hit
him!

As an aside, my 3.5 year old daughter recently told me of an incident she
witnessed where a neighborhood boy (about 2.5 yrs old) was spanked for
running into the street.  She then told me that she is glad that she doesn't
get spanked because it would really hurt & make her fuss even more -- she said
that making her sit in a chair when she "fusses" is better.  In light of the
recent discussions on the net, I thought that her comments were interesting --
perhaps they provide some insight into the issue from one child's perspective.

Carol Fischer (CXF12@psuvm.psu.edu)
Newsgroups: misc.kids