From: marc@thalia.astro.ocala.com (Marc Remillard)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pern
Subject: A Bedtime Story
Date: 2 Oct 92 06:22:30 GMT
Organization: Survivors of the Metapsychic Rebellion
X-Useragent: TharHes Mnemosyne v.3.3b2


Howdy, all, 

I caught the following bedtime story the other night on a Pern-themed
MUSH, name unspecified here, and found it charming and amusing. 
Hopefully, some of you will also find it so; it's in this hope that I'm
posting it, anyhow.

Most of you will note that this article is being posted from a null
address.  This is primarily because I'd just as soon not deal with any
flames in my mailbox from people who may believe the fact that I'm
posting something means I'm responsible for it.  If you really want to
put effort in it, you can probably track down my real address, but why
bother?  I'll just stuff flames into /dev/null and you'll have wasted a
great deal of time.  Nor do I have any intention of forwarding mailed
flames to the appropriate party.

I make no claims as to what this story depicts.  Any interpretations are
solely your own.  Any resemblances to real people, living or dead, are
probably not exactly coincidental.

Names of the characters have been changed to protect them.

The Cast (In Order Of Appearance):
Ophelia: A sweet little weyrbred girl of about six Turns.
L'rtes: Ophelia's nice old uncle.
Gertrude: A green firelizard, owner unknown.
Auntie_Lynn and Aunt_Pol: Ophelia's nice old aunts.  Auntie_Lynn is very
smart, but Aunt_Pol is much cuter.
Horatio: A cute little blue firelizard, bonded with Ophelia.
Polonius: A brown firelizard, bonded with L'rtes.
Marcellus: A blue firelizard, owner unknown.

--- cut here ---

Ophelia thought it was a wonderful story! [No, I'm not going to include
the first bedtime story.  Deal. -- ed.]
Ophelia wants another one!
L'rtes hmmms. Let me think a minute, OK?
Gertrude chittergiggles.
L'rtes okees!
L'rtes says "Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was a big bad blue
rider, and his name was P'hil."
L'rtes says "Now, this blue rider was a very big man, and had a very loud
voice, and like a lot of people, he thought this meant he was very smart,
too."
Ophelia arghs, and will brb.
L'rtes oks. :)
Ophelia goes to sleep.
[brief pause here]
Ophelia wakes up.
Auntie_Lynn has disconnected.
L'rtes darns, Auntie_Lynn had to go to sleep. Well, Aunt_Pol's still
listening. ;)
Ophelia sighs as Auntie_Lynn goes bye.
L'rtes bouncies Ophelia on his knee. :)
Ophelia listens to Unca tell about the blue rider!
L'rtes says "Where were we? Oh, yes, I was saying how he thought he was
very smart."
L'rtes says "He thought he was *so* smart, he didn't think he was wrong
even if everyone else in the whole wide world disagreed with him."
L'rtes says "Now, one morning, P'hil woke up and became determined that
everyone else should look at things his way."
L'rtes says "So, he took his big blue dragon, who was rather stupid also,
and flew off down to the Living Caverns."
L'rtes says "All the cooks and drudges were very busy, cooking a meal,
but they all smiled politely at P'hil anyway, because he *was* a
dragonrider, although very stupid, of course."
L'rtes says "And so P'hil went right up into the kitchens, and walked
straight up to a big table where there were some bubbly pies cooling, and
what did he do but sit right down on top of it."
*smoosh*
L'rtes says "All the cooks looked at him rather strangely, but since he
was a dragonrider, none of them said anything for a while, until finally
one of them came up to him, and said "Excuse me, sir, but wouldn't you
rather have a chair?""
L'rtes says "And P'hil, being very obstinate as well as very stupid, said
"No, thank you, this is a chair.""
L'rtes says "Now, the cook was puzzled by this, because he was obviously
sitting on a table, and there were bubbly pie stains all over his
trousers. So she said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you're wrong, this isn't a
chair. It's a table.""
L'rtes says "But P'hil wasn't just stubborn and stupid, he had a very bad
temper, as well. So he bellowed right back, "No it isn't! This is a
chair! A chair! You can't prove it's not a chair, so it doesn't have to
be one!""
L'rtes says "He was a very stupid bluerider, you see."
Ophelia says "What a silly bluerider!"
L'rtes says "Now, one of the cooks was a bright young woman, and she
picked up a chair and took it over to P'hil and showed it to him, and she
said "This is a chair, sir, that isn't a chair at all!""
L'rtes says "This made P'hil very upset. He screamed at the poor cook,
"How can you tell me what a chair is? Just because it's a chair for you
doesn't mean it's one for me! You're only trying to convince me
differently because you're a tool of Joinery Oppression!?"
L'rtes says "So the poor cook slunk away, feeling very hurt, and P'hil
kept sitting on the table, looking proud of himself."
Ophelia mourns sadly for the lost bubbly pies.
L'rtes nods. "The cooks made more, though, and there were plenty for
everyone. They were very good cooks."
Ophelia looks hungry now :)
L'rtes says "Finally, one of the nice cooks, the one who made candy for
all the children at the Weyr, walked up to P'hil."
L'rtes offers Ophelia a piece of candy. :)
L'rtes says "She was a very nice old lady, and she looked a little bit
like Aunt_Pol, only she wasn't quite as cute, and also much older. But
she was always nice to the children and they loved her very much."
Ophelia pops the candy in her mouth and listens wide-eyed to the story.
L'rtes says "So this nice old lady walked up to P'hil, and said, "That
wasn't very nice of you to yell at that poor little cook, was it? Why did
you do a nasty thing like that?""
Ophelia says "And what did the silly bluerider say?"
L'rtes says "And P'hil, all puffed up with his own importance, answered,
"Because she tried to oppress me! She tried to convince me that this
wasn't a chair.""
L'rtes says "Now, the old lady chuckled a little at the silly bluerider,
and pointed at the chair the other cook had dropped. "That's a chair.
What you're sitting on isn't a chair at all.""
L'rtes says "And P'hil said, "No, that's only one example of what a chair
can be. A chair can look like anything as long as you sit on it.""
L'rtes says "And the nice candy cook said in a reasonable voice, "But
what you're sitting on isn't meant to be sat on. It's a table, not a
chair."
L'rtes says "Now, P'hil thought he was a very smart bluerider, so he
said, "Well, how many legs does the chair have?""
Ophelia shakes her head at the rider's foolishness. She knows what a
chair is, and she's only six!
L'rtes says "And the nice old lady answered, "Why, four, of course." And
P'hil said, "Well, how many legs does this chair I'm sitting in have?""
L'rtes says "And the nice old lady was forced to admit that it did,
indeed, have four legs. And P'hil looked enormously pleased with himself."
L'rtes says ""Since it has four legs," he said, "it must be a chair!""
Ophelia holds up Horatio. "But he has four legs too!"
L'rtes says "But the nice old lady wasn't giving up yet. "Just because it
has four legs," she said, "doesn't mean it must be a chair!"
L'rtes nods. He was a very silly bluerider, wasn't he.
L'rtes says "The nice old lady went on, and she said "We have many chairs
in the Weyr, and they all look like this one here. None of them anywhere
look like the thing you're sitting on.""
Gertrude chittergiggles again.
L'rtes says "Well, P'hil didn't like that one bit. "Just because we have
so many chairs that look like that here," he said, "doesn't mean that all
chairs look like that. There are lots and lots of chairs around Pern, and
they might look different.""
Ophelia shakes her head sorrowfully.
L'rtes says "So the nice old lady asked all around the Weyr, if anyone
there had ever seen a chair that looked like the one P'hil was sitting
on. And none of them had, so she went back to the kitchens and told P'hil
so."
L'rtes says "And P'hil got very angry at this. He said, "Just because
none of you have seen any doesn't mean they don't exist! Not all chairs
have to look like the one you think is a chair!""
L'rtes says ""You're trying," he said, "to oppress me with your beliefs
of what's a chair and what's not. Well, you can't do it. I know for sure
this is a chair and you won't change my mind. So there." He was a very
stubborn blue rider."
Ophelia says "So he just sat in all that mess forever!"
L'rtes says "So the nice old lady who made candy just laughed and laughed
and laughed, and all the cooks and the other riders joined in, and P'hil
sat there looking very silly, though of course he didn't realize it,
being so stupid."
L'rtes says "And everyone lived happily ever after, including P'hil,
until he didn't believe that Thread was really Thread, and it ate him and
his big stupid blue dragon right up."
L'rtes says "The End."
L'rtes thinks there's a moral to this story, too. Funny thing, that.
Ophelia wraps her arms around Unca L'rtes's neck and gives him a sweet
and sticky kiss. "Thank you, I love bedtime stories!"
Ophelia holds up Horatio. "Kiss Unca too!"
L'rtes awwws, and ruffles Ophelia's hair.
Ophelia says "Wasn't that a a good story, firelizards?"
From atop L'rtes's shoulder, Polonius nods!
Ophelia scritches Marcellus and Gertrude, and after a jealous squawk,
Horatio.
Horatio trills agreement.

[The End, for real, this time. -- ed.]
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pern