HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: kathy_buetow@QMS1.life.uiuc.edu (Kathy Buetow)
Subject: Re: wish me luck
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Date: Thu, 19 Nov 1992 20:13:14 GMT

In article <LABTB4FX@cc.swarthmore.edu>, chorwit1@cc.swarthmore.edu (Cathy
Horwitz) wrote:
> 
> Hi,
> 							I'm new to this board, but I thought I'd share my (I think) very
> romantic idea.  I have never asked out a guy before, but I am VERY
> interested in someone.  I don't know his name or anything about him.  There
> is little chance that I will meet him if I don't approach him.  So... I am
> going to find out his name and mail him an anonymous letter asking him to
> meet me for dinner at my dorm.  Do you think he will come?  (To the guys)
> What would you think if someone did this to
> you?

Cathy,
   A friend of mine got a note like this once in college and he (and all of
us, his friends) thought it was a joke.  As it turned out, it wasn't :-(.
   How about doing a couple of other "anonymous" things first just to let 
him know that there really is "a woman" interested in him.  Flowers, a
personal add in the school newspaper....just enough so that he knows that
it isn't one of his buddies "setting him up".  After you have his curiosity
really, really picqued, THEN invite him to meet you for say a picnic in a 
park or something like that.  A lot better than dorm food (and atmosphere) 
in my opinion !!
  BEST OF LUCK !!

Kathy
--------------------
Katwala Australian Cattle Dogs
Kathy_Buetow@QMS1.life.uiuc.edu
"Australian Cattle Dogs are not just a breed....they're a way of life !!!"
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: afdenis@lims02.lerc.nasa.gov (Stephen Dennison)
Subject: Re: net.hugs? (apology)
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: Ancient Souls Inc.
Date: 23 Nov 1992 16:16 EST  

Gee, *this* looks familiar ...

In article <5=31hhf@rpi.edu>, petitc@rpi.edu writes...
>  Ok.  I am very sorry that I am an annoying little pain in the ass with no
>social life and very few friends.  Also, I am sorry that I accused people and
>flamed without reason.  Yes, I get no caring from people, so I have to take
>whatever I get.

Yo, Chris ... this is getting old. Remember when you left the group on 
account of something *I* posted ? Take a chill pill. Disagreement is *not* 
attack. 

> 
>  I HAVE NO ****ING LIFE!! OK!! YOU HAPPY?!?
> 

Not particularly. 

>  You are much better than I---I am a wuss who should be shot, if murder were
>legal.

Would you like some cheese with that whine ? 

I mean, about 2 posts back I *defended* your assertions, now I see you 
throwing a fit. Gimme a break here, I have a reputation to maintain.

Sheesh !

-- Stephen

	Growing up is easier than you think ... one day, you just wake
	up an adult ... and mourn your loss.
From: dennisp@kpc.com (Dennis Preston)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Benefit from parents divorce
Date: 20 Nov 92 21:09:47 GMT
Organization: Kubota Pacific Computer Inc, Santa Clara, CA

In article <1992Nov20.125137.8885@iscsvax.uni.edu> cuvelier2724@iscsvax.uni.edu writes:
>There's been a lot of talk about marriage and why people get married as of
>late.  Let me just say right now that I believe it is Love above and beyond
>everything else.  But, if divorce were ever a good thing, it has been in one
>respect for me.  I read somewhere that when two people with children divorce,
>if those children are at the age of 5 or 11, it is even more difficult for them
>because of the psychological unstability of those ages.  I was 5 years old when
>my parents got divorced and I still deal with it on some level from time to
>time.  Let me just say though that my parents divorce caused me to really be
>picky when it came to selecting my lifetime partner.  I told myself a long time
>ago that I was under no terms going to get married unless I was 110% sure that
>he was the one for me.  Well, I finally found him and we're getting married
>next June.  I KNOW that I won't be going through a divorce from the other side
>because I saw the pain my parents suffered.  This may be a cocky statement
>saying that I know I won't be getting a divorce.  But if you do things the
>right way, the thought should never cross your mind.
>
>                                             Sonia

Good luck Sonia, I married in 1986 with the intent of never divorcing.
However, When my wife came home from work on Dec.31 1990, she announced
that she didn't want to be married anymore. Thats it. No abuse, no sign,
she was very good at concealing feelings. People change. The only thing
that you can really KNOW is that over time people change. Not always for 
the worse though:>
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: thurlow@convex.com (Robert Thurlow)
Subject: Re: net.hugs?
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 21:06:35 GMT
Organization: Engineering, CONVEX Computer Corp., Richardson, Tx., USA
X-Disclaimer: This message was written by a user at CONVEX Computer
              Corp. The opinions expressed are those of the user and
              not necessarily those of CONVEX.

In <1992Nov18.182113.20746@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com> smith@comm.mot.com (Jeff Smith) writes:

>Hmmm...the last time I tried walking up to someone, rubbing up against
>their leg and putting my nose in their crotch, I getsmacked. Maybe that
>was the wrong approach?

Did you try marking your territory first?  :-)

Rob T
--
Rob Thurlow, thurlow@convex.com
"I get so tickled debunking bad personal philosophy." - Milquetoast
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Help, I need advice...
Date: 17 Nov 92 18:04:40 GMT
Organization: BNR Europe Ltd, London Road, Harlow, England.
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.199.202.41

In article <1e9qlfINNc8a@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> csr4@po.CWRU.Edu (Christopher S. Redding) writes: 
>	I just developed a very close friendship with someone that I am
>very interested in, but there is a problem. I have already attempted to 
>become romantically involved with her, but she politely told me she liked 
>us better as friends even though she was interested herself. The reason
>why she did not want to start a relationship was because she abruptly ended
>one about 3 months ago for no specific reason, and she still has this other
>person in her heart. This other guy is dating someone, and he treats her like
>yesterday's trash, but there are sometimes when she REALLY hates him, and there
>are sometimes when she doesn't know how to feel about him. How can I persuade 
								^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>her to put this other guy out of her mind? She will not start a relationship
>on such shaky grounds. If I can do that, how do I tell her how I feel, already
>failing once? Please send me advice, or post it here. Thanks in advance.
>				-Chris (lonlier than ever)
>				csr4@po.CWRU.Edu

Chris, mate, you're addressing this all wrong. There is no way *you* can
'persuade' her. Only *she* can put this guy out of her mind. Not you, not
him, not anyone else. *Her*. You are kidding yourself if you think
otherwise, and kidding yourself that you can even speed up the process.
You're out of the picture on this one, I'm afraid.

Even if you do manage to *appear* to help get this guy out of her system,
I bet you all that will happen is that he will magically re-appear back in
her system just at the wrong moment -- eg. at the first time of stress in
your shiny new relationship you've managed to form with her. Yuck & yikes.

You really don't want to do this. Give her time & space. Go and gind some
other girls to play with. Come back later when she's fixed and if you
still need to.

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
From: daniel@clsi.COM (Daniel Barclay)
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Organization: CAD Language Systems Inc.
Distribution: usa
Date: 18 Nov 92 10:16:32


> ...
> Stewart Tansley     ...
>   'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
Where's that line from?
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Daniel S. Barclay			CAD Language Systems, Inc.
					Suite 101, 5457 Twin Knolls Rd.
Why can't _I_ think of a signature?	Columbia, MD  21045  USA
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: puter@orphan.nashvil.ingr.com (PuterDude)
Subject: Re: I'll Call You
Organization: Intergraph
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 20:09:51 GMT

 oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:

>p.s.  I was surprised at the number of people who said the guy was a bum for
>not calling.  Gee, my dog liked him....

Yeah, but look at where your dog licks. There's no accounting for
taste, huh?

(Sorry Gallagher)

-- 
(Puter is a deranged individual at puter@no1home.nashvil.ingr.com)
The soul is dyed with the color of its leisure thoughts.	-- Dean Inge
Xref: sparky alt.romance:14259 soc.singles:31124
From: dhardin@bbn.com (Dawn Hardin)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
Subject: Re: net.hugs?
Date: 18 Nov 92 17:43:55 GMT
Article-I.D.: news.lgl06rINNqsi
Reply-To: dhardin@spcink.bbn.com (Dawn Hardin)
Organization: Bolt Beranek and Newman Inc., Cambridge MA
NNTP-Posting-Host: bbn.com

In article <1992Nov17.194033.20468@informix.com> bradl@neptune.informix.com (Brad Levy) writes:
>
>Similarly, alt.romance is a place where most people
>have agreed to be safe for open expression (kind of like a some church
>groups). 

In that case, cross-posting to soc.singles is probably a *BIG* mistake.
We're not very safe.

>I feel I've gotten to know a side of a
>number of regular posters here - Dawn, Mysti, Jason, Diana, Stephen, Ed,
>Stewart, Michael, Mike, and others, from what they've revealed of themselves
>in their posts.

I guess there must be a different Dawn posting over there.

Dawn

Joseph Campbell gave me hope and now I have been saved.
"Folk Song" by Bongwater
Xref: sparky alt.romance:14203 soc.singles:31049
From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Date: 18 Nov 92 01:10:14 GMT
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

In article <1992Nov17.202651.26369@beaver.cs.washington.edu> dbj@cs.washington.edu (Dave Johnson) writes:
 
|Far better advice regarding workplace relationships is to make
|sure that there is no direct line of authority between you and
|the other person (from a legal standpoint) and that you have as
|little regular contact during work situations as possible (from
|a personal standpoint--this is true during the relationship and
|especially true if things don't work out).  

Some companies prohibit spouses from working in the same department.  I was
once on a business team though where the engineering project manager and
the marketing manager were a married couple.  We has some lively meetings
at times.

-- 
+==========================================================================+
| John Fereira        | Auspex Systems | "Ask me about my vow of silence." |
| johnf@auspex.com    | Santa Clara CA |                                   |
+==========================================================================+
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Subject: Re: Plea
Reply-To: oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Organization: Montana State University
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 19:55:17 GMT

In article <1edhgoINNj9t@bHARs12c.bnr.co.uk>, dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley) writes:
>In article <1992Nov18.010332.12466@cs.uwp.edu> itzenhui@cs.uwp.edu (Steve Itzenhuiser) writes:
>>
>Still, you sound nice enough, and are reacting just like everyone else
>(ie. you're scared shitless of the woman of your dreams -- well, it's
>normal in *my* book! :-)) and if she is, go for it!
>
IS it truly normal to be scared to death of the man/woman of your dreams? 
There's a guy who practically gives me panic attacks, and for the life of
me I can't figure out *why*.  Is this the reason?  TELL ME!!!
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: diana@wetware.com (CatWoman )
Subject: Re: "Made" or "Just Happens"?
Organization: Castle WetWare MouseCatcher
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1992 13:59:54 GMT

I think that the OPPORTUNITY for a relationship
is something that you can say "Just Happens", but
the relationship itself is "Made".

As has been pointed out before, you have to put
yourself into a POSITION for a relationship to
happen - unlike burglaries or house-fires they
aren't likely to suddenly appear in your living
room - but if you spend your energy looking for
"a relationship", you tend to focus on the
superficials, and can miss the possibilities that
aren't in your focal range.

Cases in point:

Ever since I got net access - 2 years ago - I have
tried to meet local net people, and get to know
non-locals by e-mail.  I have acquired many friends
and acquaintances this way.  I was not involved in
a relationship at the time, but did not have finding
one as my goal.  Meeting people was my goal.

Case one:
One guy I started an e-mail conversation with 
became very insistant that I meet him for breakfast
so we could meet.  I went gladly - another person
to know!  About 45 minutes later he declaimed that
it was obvious that there was no future for us so
he didn't think it was worth even exchanging e-mail
again.  Left me rather astounded, and a bit miffed
that I'd "wasted" a Saturday morning!

Case two:
A couple of months later, another person I'd been
exchanging e-mail with for a while.  This one was
a net.personality, but the reputation seemed not to
match the e-mail personality.  In addition to just
wanting to meet locals, I was also curious about 
the guy.  This time, a Sunday breakfast - and the
only motive was to just meet in person.  We wound
up spending 9 hours together that day just walking
around talking.  And each decided that the other
was interesting enough to see again.  Within 2
weeks, we were seeing each other every other day,
and have been "together" as a couple for about
a year and a half.

So the opportunity for the relationship "just
happened" in the course of both of us just 
wanting to meet in person - but the subsequent
1.5 years has been "made" - by taking time to
be together, by being there when the other was
feeling bad, by talking and LISTENING to each
other, and so on...

Diana
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.personals
From: petitc@nuge103.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Interested?
Reply-To: petitc@rpi.edu
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy, NY.
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 13:40:01 GMT

In article <9211230625.AA09340@magnusug.magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>, Andrew S Boggs <aboggs@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu> writes:
|> "She walks in beauty like the night
|>    Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
|>  And all that's best of dark and bright
|>    Meets in her aspect and her eyes;
|>  Thus mellow'd to that tender light
|>    Which heaven to gaudy day denies."
|>                      -Lord Byron
|>      If this describes you, or even if it doesnt and you are a SWF, then please
|> respond. Ill attempt to reply to all mail.

  Um, nice poem, but could you please post the personals ads in alt.personals?

-- 
"He shook with fear.  Shook like a nervous teenage boy on his first date."
Paradoxes---Roach Motels of the mind.  "Thoughts check in, but they don't
check out."  Personally, I'd like to know what the cover charge is at the
Roach Motel.
From: keithg@cnmhnet.UUCP (keith garrard)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Getting Married: Grounds for Insanity Plea?
Keywords: Off Your Rocker
Date: 16 Nov 92 23:06:16 GMT
Organization: California-Nevada Methodist Homes

In article <stone.721680394@cwis> stone@cwis.unomaha.edu (Travis Stone) writes:
>Can anyone give me (a minimum) of three good, logical reasons
>why people should marry?  It strikes me as a silly and unnecessary

I couldn't agree more, Travis.  I could never figure out
why people marry either, for the same reasons you described.
I looked at it like this; I figured that marriage was for life,
and I notice that the average life expectancy is 75 years old.
That would mean that if one gets married at age 20, then they
would be stuck with one person for 55 years!  I just know
that they would have to get bored with each other.  That is 
why I really didn't worry about marriage.  I liked getting
different women, and if one doesn't work out, I just move
on.  Things are so much simpler that way.  However, if you
do meet someone who you want to have some type of long-term
relationship with, the living-together syndrome is a viable
alternative, but it has it's drawbacks.  Example, in some
states, even though the two people are living together without
the benefit of marriage, if the relationship fails, then it
is possible for one partner to sue the other under the
infamous "palimony" statutes.  Also, some states recognize 
the legality of common law marriages, when someone lives
with another for a set period of time.  I think that you
are better off setting up some form of legal agreement, prior
to coming together in a relationship, either by marriage or
just living together.  I'm referring to a prenuptial agreement.
Also, if this is implemented, then when one gets married, you
can take advantage of the tax benefits, and still be protected
by the prenuptial agreement.
--Keith
From: pettit@cs.unc.edu (Cynthia Pettit)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Description of the Fetal Remains from an Abortion
Date: 17 Nov 92 23:36:08 GMT
Distribution: na

Oh, man...  I've been waiting for a thread on abortion...

First of all, you were >asking< to get flamed (or perhaps >I< am the gullable
one... ;) )

And second, this alt.romance, not an talk.abortion...

And with that out of the way, I must say something to prolifers.  Abortion is
no new 20th century medical advance.  Women have been giving themselves
miscarriages and abortions from time eternal.  The advance is making it safe
for the woman -- clean, safe and under the guidence of a professional doctor.

The fact about making abortion illegal is not reducing the number of
abortions in this country -- but reducing the number of >safe< abortions.  If
abortion is to become illegal, women >will< use coathangers in the back
allys...  You can't denigh it.

If you agree to making abortion illegal you are agreeing for this to happen. 
There's no other way to look at it.  It is saying, "I want abortion to be
unhealthy, dirty and life threatening to women..."  Go ahead and argue that
it's the women's fault.  It's not the issue here.  

The point is not whether abortions >should< happen or not, because they
>will< no matter what you do -- the issue is do you >want< the death and
mutilation of women?


And as for your posting, if you are trying to scare women furthur by this
disgusting description, you are helping to keep women afraid of their bodies
and feeling guilty for their own sexuality.  

If you really want to save a baby's life, go adopt one.  And I don't mean a
nice healthy white, middle-class child -- go adopt a poor, black or hispanic
cocaine baby if you feel such tremendous compassion.  

Do something real besides making it harder for women to love themselves and
their ability to create a life -- and not hate themselves and their own
flesh.

If you really want to do some good, work to >forward< alternatives to
abortion, not undermine abortion itself.  Work for free birth-control, work
to promote the adoption of minority babies, work for the support of single
mothers in the streets, educate and train a woman for a better job.

Do some >good< for a change.  The world needs less hate from people like you.

Cyn

---
Pro-child, pro-choice!



Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: I'll Call You
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 92 18:36:16 GMT

In article <1992Nov16.204826.21237@eff.org> fsquared@eff.org (Fawn Fitter) writes:
>
>My $.02:
>
>This past summer, I had a first date with a guy who seemed interested in me,
>who told me repeatedly during the course of the date that he really really
>wanted to see me again, who called the next day and left a message on my 
>machine to tell me what a great time he'd had and how much he wanted to see
>me again, who called again that same day to ask me out for Sunday night.
>
>He stood me up.
>
>I called him on Monday to find out what had happened -- giving him the 
>benefit of the doubt, you know, maybe there had been some sort of emergency
>or something -- and he hemmed and hawed and told me not to call him again.
>That I was a great woman but he just didn't feel comfortable continuing to
>see me.
>
>Go figure!
>
Well, I have been stood up, and it is rude.

Sounds like he took the 'shoot first and ask questions later'
approach.  He decided to act more interested than he was until he
figured out whether or not he really had an interest. It's crude, but
it tends to work (for him, not for you).

If you act naturally, and then decide that you are interested, you may
miss some opportunities, and you will make a bad impression. Especially
if you are a man. Men are still expected to make the first move. Most
women still take a lukewarm reception as a rejection. And most women
still see indecisiveness as a mark of bad intentions or poor
self-image.

On the other hand, if you act interested and then you find out you are 
not, all you have done is dump on the other person. For some people,
this seems like a reasonable tradeoff.

Naturally, I don't recommend this approach. It is not just that I don't
like dumping on other people. I also think that it does me no good to
start a relationship that ends up badly. A relationship that starts
with manipulation will tend to be manipulative. 

I try to communicate that I am interested in dating someone, rather
than trying to act as though I already know I want involved with them.
I think this usually works better in the short run, too, since if you
appear too interested in someone you have just met, they will tend to
discount it as infatuation.


Michael.
From: loosemore-sandra@cs.yale.edu (Sandra Loosemore)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Being Alone?
Followup-To: alt.romance
Date: 17 Nov 1992 18:24:30 -0500
Organization: staff hacker @ Yale Haskell project
	<1e6khkINN9s1@FUNCTOR.SYSTEMSZ.CS.YALE.EDU>
	<1ebe2bINNpmj@bHARs12c.bnr.co.uk> <15532@auspex-gw.auspex.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: functor.systemsz.cs.yale.edu
In-reply-to: johnf@Auspex.COM's message of 17 Nov 92 22:19:58 GMT

johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira) writes:

   [speculating about just how "old and decrepit" I really am]

   1.2

Huh?  1.2 what?  Centuries, maybe?  (Sheesh.  We old folks don't get
any respect around here.....)

-Sandra the cynic

Xref: sparky alt.romance:14051 soc.singles:30746