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Newsgroups: bit.listserv.politics
Date:         Fri, 14 Aug 1992 10:50:06 CDT
From:         Envirokid <T9AA@SDSUMUS.BITNET>
Subject:      fellating the great god mammon

well, okay, dave jacoby has been in minneapolis and has now departed.  i want
to tell you all a story that i still find difficult to believe.

last night, after work (i'd had a really, really lousy day, capped off by
irritating messages on my computer screen and the knowledge that dave was
on the way  :-), i went home.  all in all, a good thing.  didn't see the
mouse-in-residence.  okay.  so, dave shows up, half an hour early, babbling
about the sale at knut-koupee (a guitar store here).  i'm just all aggravated
for no good reason and so i take the car keys out of his hands and say,
"get in the car.  we are going to the mall of america."  dave has visited me
before, and when he does so at a particulrly inconvenient time, i usually
make him go do something he detests...i.e., go to a mall.  why shouldn't *he*
be put-out, too?  anyway.  okay, so we drive out to bloomington.  i realize
within moments that this particular trip is going to be more trying than
usual...a typical exchange would involve something like this:

     I was at best ten minutes early, but more like five. I was not a
     half-hour early. I just mentioned that I had wasted some time at
     the guitar store.

me: "hey, cool.  godiva chocolates.  let's go have some."
dave:  "no way.  i refuse to buy chocolates in a jewelry store. and what a
        stupid thing to buy, anyway."

     I never said "stupid."  I did feel about as uncomfortable there
     as I would in a republican party fundraiser, but I never said
     stupid. I admit the chocolate was good, but I could never see
     spending as much as you did for that little chocolate.

me: "oh, neat.  the nature company.  let's go in and look at toys."
dave:  "i can't go in that store.  it makes me sick."

     No, I said that I'd go in and spend too much money. I have nothing
     but good feelings for the Nature Company.

me:  "look!  williams-sonoma grande cuisine.  let's go look at kitchen stuff."
dave:  "this must be a woman thing.  there is nothing in this store anyone needs
           anyway."

okay, you get the picture.  so, we are basically having the same conversation
about each of the 350 stores in this place, until we get to the brooks
brothers store.  i kid you not...dave says, "wait a sec.  i wanna go in here."
i thought for a minute i'd misheard him.  really, i was standing out in the mall
    and realized he was gone, then looked in the store and saw him with an
imeccably tailored man, chatting up suits.  good god.
impeccably.  sorry 'bout that.
but back to the story.
did i mention that dave was wearing a "cherry garcia" tie-dyed t-shirt?

     Even worse. my elbow was beginning to show out of the shirt I was
     wearing. If I hadn't been wearing boxers I'd be arrested for
     the jeans I was wearing. I had a guatemala belt and a pair of
     cowboy boots on, as well as two earrings.

     lets get this part of the story straight.

okay, i'm intrigued.  i go in.  dave is wandering about, i figure there is no
harm in this, but...something just, just...unbelievable happens.
*dave is trying on a suit.*
*dave is having alterations.*
*dave is buying a suit.*

at brooks brothers.

*dave is consulting me about ties and suspenders.*
(which, i might add, is a good thing.)
*dave is going up to the register and purchasing a $600.00 suit.*
*and accessories, too.*

     I have been enlightened on something over my summer in DC. While
     I knew from past experience that if you have, say, long hair,
     torn jeans, thrashed chuck taylors and a Ramones t-shirt, the
     powers that be are not impressed by your individuality if you
     did't quite toe the line on the speed limit. I finally figured
     this summer that if you wear a suit or something similar, you can,
     for example, spend a whole day watching C-Span in Dan Coats' Senate
     office and get respect from them. The tourists ask you for
     directions instead of avoiding you. The security guards at Interior
     look at you like just another

the sales manager had to give me a glass of water.  he asked if i felt faint.
said i looked pale.

     And you proceeded to flirt with him.

dave walks out of the store, with a dazed anneliese is tow, swinging a
bag, with handles, filled with broadcloth shirts, a tie, suspenders...
who knows, maybe even collar stays.

i mean, wow.  the mall of america is, like, magic.  and not a mcdonald's
in the place, can you believe it?  i just can't get over this.  i have
a nordstrom's *and* a bloomingdale's charge card.  come to think of it,
i have a macy's charge card, too...and bought nary a thing.

      That's true. And she didn't even look at a shoe store.

oh, wait, it gets better...dave and i then went into abercrombie and fitch...
but maybe that's another story for another day.  equally unbelieveable, really.

      One shirt. One shirt that fits. I wear a 17x35 shirt. I have to
      call the Arrow 1-800 number to get a shirt that fits anymore.
      I do believe that I'm entitled to the occasional comfort above
      and beyond the call of radical politics.

okay, there's the update.  political commentary later.  sorry for the waste
of bandwidth, but, i mean, this was like an epiphanal experience.

                           * * * anneliese "wrap it up, i'll take it!" l.

     Well, I have some sort-of political commentary. While I know I
     walked out of the megamall with a significantly large amount of
     debt on my card and therefore don't really have much of a "right"
     to talk about the evils of consumerism, but think about this:
     I am a senior in college (fifth-year senior, actually) and will
     start sending out his resume in september or august, hoping that
     *SOMEONE* will show interest before graduation. Therefore, the
     "job-hunt" suit is an important thing.

     However, while I will defend the search for goods and services
     to some point, after a while, it becomes a burden on the
     environment, it becomes a burden on the consumer and, with these
     megamalls that are almost guaranteed to be dead in a year or two,
     they are a burden on the economy, too.

     BTW 1) - Jamie, you make good beer. I just don't give praise well.

     BTW 2) - anneliese, if the visit was really that bad, I have other
     friends in Minneapolis and we don't have to see each other again.
     It's your call.

Dave
t9aa@sdsumus.bitnet
"They say someday we will all stand as brother.
 'Til then I guess we'll just stand around"
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