HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: ekho@cybernet.cse.fau.edu (amanda rothman)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: Humor (was prejudice)
Date: 25 Dec 92 20:03:47 GMT
Organization: Cybernet BBS, Boca Raton, Florida

ice9@hotcity.COM (Jeremy Dragt) writes:

> In response to the proposed statement that humor is based on pain and
> humiliation, I would like to call Steven Wright to the stand.  The humor of
> Steven Wright tends to be strickly surreal and not pointed at anyone.  For
> example;Last night while trying to unlock my front door I accidentally used m
> car key instead....My house started up.....so I took for a spin....I got pull
> over and the officer asked where do I live I said "right here"

  Amanda snickers, "I love Steven Wright's comedy.  Deadpan, my favorite. 
'I got into a speed reading accident; I crashed into a bookmark.'  That 
was paraphrased, mind you.  There aren't a lot of comics anymore who 
don't use action and emotion to get a response from their audience..."  
Looking over at Ekho, she grins, "But I can name a few..."

  On hearing this, Ekho begins stalking her around the room again.

           Yours in Time and Space
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: jmpierce@whale.st.usm.edu (Jimmy Malcolm Pierce)
Subject: Re: A Callahans Carol
Organization: University of Southern Mississippi
Date: Sat, 26 Dec 1992 05:01:58 GMT

 (Jason) writes:
>One for DJ and Robbie, and for Linda the Starship,

      Thank you ! And to all a Good Night ! Its 11 PM here, and I want
to get rid of this 'flu ! So, I'm hopping off to bed to get some sleep !

     Later, Jim.
 
-- 
         Jim Pierce Bach. of Sci. in Applied Computer Science USM 
             jmpierce@whale.st.usm.edu  Disclaimer: Standard.
                   Video. Cher: Love and Understanding.
             'Rush Limbaugh is the 'Chia Pet' of TV shows !'
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: pat@chinet.chi.il.us (Patrick Louis Sugent)
Subject: Re: Spheres and Calculus [Re: Cyber (was Introduction was Eh?)]
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 13:55:03 GMT

snarf@access.digex.com (Sean Eustis) writes:
>(Michael J M Holmes) writes:
>>The purple guy raises his hand and hopes to be called on so that
>>he can participate in DMs and frood's conversation about the
>>American educational system.
>[stuff deleted}
>
>"My story about the 2nd grade is one of a small boy who was told by his
>teacher,'If you don't finish your work, you don't get to go to reccess.'
>Seizing the opportunity to avoid playing the (at the time) ultra-rough
>game of RED-ROVER, the child promptly stopped working on the assingment.

  "Your story is one of an extremely clever 2nd grader.  It would
have been nice if I had thought of that in second grade.  Actually,
I do have a recess-related story from when I was in first grade.

  "When I was in first grade, I once had to stay in for recess for
coloring the Easter Bunny pink.  My parents taught me to color things
whatever color I thought they should be, but my teacher insisted the
Easter Bunny was white and not pink.  To this day, I insist that my
teacher was incorrect and that the Easter Bunny is, in fact, pink.
But, now that I think about it, it is probably just as well that I missed
that round of RED-ROVER anyway. :-)

  "Anyone seen an Easter Bunny here in VR?  What color is it?


>	"To teachers, forgive them, they're only human...or Kesh, or
>Gallifrean, or Elf, or...well, you get the idea."
><Crash.>

  True enough.
<Crash.>

Pat

-- 
Patrick Sugent                       

pat@chinet.chi.il.us
From: jmpierce@whale.st.usm.edu (Jimmy Malcolm Pierce)
Subject: Re: Dalek has entered the building
Organization: University of Southern Mississippi
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 08:05:56 GMT

(Thyra) writes:
>> Feather takes off from her former resting point on Taldin's head and lands
>> on a high place directly above the hot tub. 
>> 
>> "Did someone say 'telekinetic'?"  Feather grins.  "Hey, THYRA!  How does one
>> levitate an object submerged in water without levitating the water itself?
>> Teach me, and we can do it together, somehow.  What do you say?"
>
>"Prrrrrrhmmmmm." Thyra looks at the very small bird who wants to levitate a
>rather large, wet Dalek. "I thought Linda The Starship hauled Dalek out
>already with a tractor beam. Oh well, I guess he fell in again." She pads
>over and leaps up onto the rim of the tub. At the moment, Thyra is still in
>the form of a largish, tawny housecat, wearing a black velvet collar. She
>looks at the Dalek, looks at little Feather, and washes her ear with a paw.
>"Well, the easiest thing is to apply the TK to Dalek's 'head'. The top of
>him is sticking up out of the water, after all. The other option is to
>extend the TK forces -through- the water, but concentrate on attaching them
>to the surface and interior of his casing. Sort of like reaching into a
>barrel of black-eyed peas and grabbing an orange that's beneath the
>surface. You work by touch, get a good grip, and haul it out." She smiles
>at her avian friend, and the sapphire on her collar glows a soft blue.
>"Give it a try. I'll help if you need it."
>
>Purrs, Thyra

   "Sigh, I did help him out, but I guess the instant dry I applied
  startled him so much that he fell back in again... Hmmm... " Linda.

     Linda gets a big smile on her face and starts walking over to
  The Doctor. 

 As she walks, a carrot appears in her hand, her ears get long and
 pointed, The Doctor seems to be very interested in the Dalek and
 his attempt to get out of the hot tub and doesn't notice the large
 rabbit, until he hears... 

 <chomp, chomp>, on the carrot and 'she' says, " Eh.. What's Up Doc ?"
 Linda { disguised as Bugs, a Bunny... }

      :-)   :-)   :-)

        Happy New Year ! { I'll be off-line as I have been invited
                           to a Rl party by a local friend... }

-- 
         Jim Pierce Bach. of Sci. in Applied Computer Science USM 
             jmpierce@whale.st.usm.edu  Disclaimer: Standard.
                   Video. Cher: Love and Understanding.
          'Rush Limbaugh is the 'Chia Pet' of TV talk shows !'
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: maryb@cix.compulink.co.uk (Mary Branscombe)
Subject: Re: Moving Right Along
Reply-To: maryb@cix.compulink.co.uk
Date: Sun, 3 Jan 1993 02:38:00 +0000


Toothpick is enjoying synchronicity and Mary MerryTail's tail starts 
twitching in sympathy and a big gooey smile spreads over her face...
"Toothpick, this is, I can testify, a *wonderful Place for meeting 
people" - her gaze steals over to an over-stuffed rocking chair that 
waits for a certain mouse - "and be warned, the co-incidences and 
synchronicities will continue. Well, they have for us.... I start 
talking to someone in Callahans... who turns out to live three 
minutes away from me... who turns out to be friends with two people I 
work with... who turns out to have so many co-incidences and 
happenstances in common with me... who turns out to be someone truly 
wonderful.....
I think that for Callahans people, reality bends slightly, so that 
these things happen around here quite a lot"
MerryTail is smiling very broadly still
"Will your lurker friend be joining us? A welcome awaits...."
+-------------------------------------------+--------------------------+
| Ommmmmm, said the lift                    |maryb@cix.compulink.co.uk |
| Organisation: Me? You're joking, right?   |maryb@cix.compulink.uucp  |
|I know I type "teh" for "the" My fingers have their own accent ;-)    |
+-------------------------------------------+--------------------------+

Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: rich@troll1.msfc.nasa.gov (Rich Krum)
Subject: Re: *Now* I can celebrate.
Reply-To: rich@troll1.msfc.nasa.gov
Organization: Boeing Computer Support Services
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 16:34:37 GMT

>In article <7fz2hpl@rpi.edu>, youngj4@rebecca.its.rpi.edu (Jeffrey 'Taldin'
>Young) wrote:
>> He grins. "It appears, after all that worry, I seem to be the proud and
>> relieved owner of my Very Own Comp Sci Bachelors Degree from RPI.
>> Got a C in the course I thot I failed-  Prof. Issaccson, I might just name
>> my first kid after you.   The long wait is over.  Four and a half years
>> of -- no, 17 years of education, over.   Khai, this feels great!!!"

The Troll, who when pressed for his REAL occupation, answers "student"
steps forward.

"reality intrudes regularly, since learning continues ALL your life.  College
merely exposes you to the tools of the trade--the ability to read and understand,
to do and explain, and to extrapolate based on ALL your skills and knowledge."

"Taldin, may you learn much, do much and experience much, for you live in
interesting times, from now to the future"

The Troll, exhausted by this foray into deep philosophy, releases his glass--

The glass loops, then dives into the fireplace--

<<CRASH>>

(See, grinns the Troll, magik does fascinate me still---)

--Troll
---
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"My opinions are my own, and my employer (Boeing Computer Support Services)
 denies any responsibility for me, all opinions in general, and anything 
 I may say, do, or be otherwise associated with outside of work for them.
 -- Use at your own risk, your mileage may vary, no news is good news."

 E-MAIL REPLY TO:  rich@troll1.msfc.nasa.gov     PLEASE KEEP IT "G" RATED
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: maryb@cix.compulink.co.uk (Mary Branscombe)
Subject: Re: A Christmas Story
Reply-To: maryb@cix.compulink.co.uk
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 01:06:00 +0000



>  "A toast: To engineering- a talent so formidable that it can make you 
> believe in magic- even when you know how it works. And to my Dad- a master
> magician. The world is poorer without you, and your talents. If there is
> an afterlife, you're gonna have to explain that one to me. Cheers!
<<Crash-Tinkle>>
"Engineering - and my favourite Engineer! And whoever designed this 
fireplace"
Mary's Merry Tail plucks her glass from her fingers and sends it to 
the fireplace.
+-------------------------------------------+--------------------------+
| Ommmmmm, said the lift                    |maryb@cix.compulink.co.uk |
| Organisation: Me? You're joking, right?   |maryb@cix.compulink.uucp  |
|I know I type "teh" for "the" My fingers have their own accent ;-)    |
+-------------------------------------------+--------------------------+

Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: jammer@eskimo.com (Lyle Harwood)
Subject: boo
Keywords: Jammer
Organization: -> ESKIMO NORTH (206) For-Ever <-
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 05:06:23 GMT


Boo. Jammer was here.

This is a letter bomb.

 BANG!
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: cliveg@cix.compulink.co.uk (Clive Grace)
Subject: Re: Definition of "monogamy"?
Reply-To: cliveg@cix.compulink.co.uk
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 12:28:00 +0000


That... was just perfect Kateri. Tanais sighs. And the Cider here 
*is* good isn't it? As good as London's I'll wager.  The next time 
you're in London, remind me to take you (and any other Callahanians 
with similar tastes) to a pub in London, Holborn. Called "The Sun". I 
stopped going there when Mary discovered they watered down the Owd 
Roger. But they have an excellent selection of Ciders when I last 
looked.
--
+-------------------------------------------+--------------------------+
| When I grow up, I want to give up being   |cliveg@cix.compulink.co.uk|
| a Journalist and learn how to write...    |                          |
+-------------------------------------------+--------------------------+
|       Bisexual knitter of quality and distinction since 1992.        |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+

Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: youngj4@rebecca.its.rpi.edu (Jeffrey 'Taldin' Young)
Subject: *Now* I can celebrate.
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy, NY
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1992 03:43:33 GMT


Taldin sweeps into the room, dressed in jeans, T-shirt, flannel shirt
worn open over it, and blue fuzzy slippers,  Slaps a stack of ones on
the bar. "Next round's on me, Mike.. IBC Cream Soda.   This is the one I've
been saving..."  

Taldin somehow manages to salute the writer of that poem - Jason, was it?
(swept by, good news doesn't keep very well!)  Somehow I always seem to make
it back into time for Callahanse composition lore.  :)  and whirls once
around Toothpick and Tux   "Good to see you back!!!"  and finds himself at
the line.   Drains the sweetstuff, and his eyes have the glitter of someone
who can't help but be happy at the news on his other screen.  "Clear!" he
yells, leaning back for a hard throw...

With a spinning sidearm hurl and flourish followthrough, the glass dies
violently.   >>>>CRASH!!!!!<<<<<


"To The End Of My Worries--IT'S OVER!"

He grins. "It appears, after all that worry, I seem to be the proud and
relieved owner of my Very Own Comp Sci Bachelors Degree from RPI.
Got a C in the course I thot I failed-  Prof. Issaccson, I might just name
my first kid after you.   The long wait is over.  Four and a half years
of -- no, 17 years of education, over.   Khai, this feels great!!!"

"Yeeeehah!!"

Taldin and Sudrith

-- 
TTTTT AA    LL DDDD   II   II NN      "I don't believe in a religion
   TT  AA   LL DD  D  II   II NNNN      that doesn't believe in me."
  TT  AAAA  LL DD   D   II II NN NN        Taldin The Blue Unicorn
 TT  AA  AA LL DDDDDD IIIIII  NN  NN          youngj4@pawl.rpi.edu
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: cliveg@cix.compulink.co.uk (Clive Grace)
Subject: Re: DIDI
Reply-To: cliveg@cix.compulink.co.uk
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1993 18:25:00 +0000


[Kitten announces Didi's illness]

At this Tanais walks out of the room. It's the first time since 
coming into the place that he has ventured outside. The air is cold 
and the chill leaves a tang on the throat as he breathes in clean 
fresh air as he empties his mind.

The night is clear the sky is dark and his sensitive eyes search 
through the night sky. He's never met the Didi sprite before, only 
read her words and thoughts  but that is enough. His eyes quickly 
scan the sky, letting them go to where they will until they stop on a 
small light in the sky --  to the right of Orion's belt. It glimmers 
and changes colour gently. "Aha! There you are Didi", mutters Tanais. 
Now he's found the star his heart was looking for he focusses his 
thoughts and energies on the star. He lets the energy remain constant 
and flowing. He feels his strength join the feelings of goodwill and 
concern emanating from The Place. The rest of the world slowly shifts 
out of focus... he becomes aware of small lights of sentience on this 
planet light up all tuned to Didi's particular brilliance.

"My thoughts and energies go with you Didi. We've never met, I hope 
someday we will, but until now. All my energies are directed at you 
to take as much or as little as you want." Tanais whispers to the 
star.

Within his satchel he pulls out a candle. A fresh one, and fixes the 
light in his minds eye onto the candle. Slowly, very slowly it glows 
and lights up. Carefully he places it in the snow and kneels. Holding 
himself.

It is all he can do.

--
+-------------------------------------------+--------------------------+
| When I grow up, I want to give up being   |cliveg@cix.compulink.co.uk|
| a Journalist and learn how to write...    |                          |
+-------------------------------------------+--------------------------+
|       Bisexual knitter of quality and distinction since 1992.        |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+

Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: jammer@eskimo.com (Lyle Harwood)
Subject: A pet
Organization: -> ESKIMO NORTH (206) For-Ever <-
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1992 07:24:55 GMT


Jammer wanders out the door, and is gone for ten minutes (he lives
close.)

When he returns, a full grown black panther is padding along behind him.
The panther plants his front paws on the bar, and sniffs Coffee's mocha.
Then he stares unblinking at Jammer for a minute, and pads silently
over to Kitten.
He sniffs her hair curiously, sniffs her drink, and stares for a moment
at her companions.
Then he curls up at her feet, wraps his tail around her ankle, and
goes to sleep.

Jammer grins, and says
"Aw, wench, he likes you. His name is Warrior. He doesn't understand why
I polute good half and half with espresso, and he's had so many
questions about this place that I thought I'd just bring him in.
He especially wants a good look at the wee dragons. I'm not sure why,
but he promised not to eat any of them. If ye have any questions fer the
Kitty, I'm afraid you'll have to ask me. He doesn't deign to communicate
with many humans, I'm afraid. I met him in a dream. He's a good friend,
albieght a mite jealous of my Old Lady."

Jammer collects a mocha, and asks if he might join Her Lady's table...
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: rich@troll1.msfc.nasa.gov (Rich Krum)
Subject: Re: A toast
Reply-To: rich@troll1.msfc.nasa.gov
Organization: Boeing Computer Support Services
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 16:44:14 GMT

>>Jammer walks to the bar, and puts a coin from a foreign land on the bar.
>> He orders  the strongest cup of espresso available, and walks to the
>>line.
>
>>A toast, people.

The Troll, eyes misting up a bit, raises his glass also--

"To those we served with--
To the ones who came home--
To the ones that did not--
To all of us who remember--
May we never forget--

<CrasH>

--The Boss Troll (USN 1967-1976, and more memories than he can stand)
---
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"My opinions are my own, and my employer (Boeing Computer Support Services)
 denies any responsibility for me, all opinions in general, and anything 
 I may say, do, or be otherwise associated with outside of work for them.
 -- Use at your own risk, your mileage may vary, no news is good news."

 E-MAIL REPLY TO:  rich@troll1.msfc.nasa.gov     PLEASE KEEP IT "G" RATED
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: cei@navier.math.uh.edu (Chuck Ivy)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: Stick
Date: 1 Jan 1993 22:12:30 GMT
Organization: UH Dept of Math
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: navier.math.uh.edu

>In article <1i2e1tINNag6@menudo.uh.edu> cei@navier.math.uh.edu (Chuck Ivy) writes:
>>Meanwhile, on the dance floor, in a dark and shady corner, stands a man in a
>>wool overcoat that must be way too warm, a white scarf, and a grey fedora.
>>He stands near the stick player, nervously tapping his lapels with the fingers
>>of both hands, and occasionally taking notes...
>>--
>> . _____________________________
>>/:|                    /  /  : =| Chapman Stick		Chuck Ivy
>>\:|___________________/__/___:_=| White Oak #240	cei@po.cwru.edu
>>                       ++				cei@math.uh.edu
>"MALIK!!!" The constrictor jumps over, and starts looking him over. "When did 
>you show up? Hang around, there are some people here you need to meet!"
>
>(Constrictor does a jig...)
>
>
>--
>*******************************************************************           
>* Noah Ramon - The Bi-Bulb     * Your only limitation is your own *
>* Mail to : narxtc@math.uh.edu * imagination - Beans Barton       *
>*******************************************************************

Uh, well uh I was just trying to find a place to go to the bathroom when
Emmett asked for some help moving his equipment and his instruments to his
car. I helped him out and he asked me if I knew where Callahans was. I knew
how to get there on foot (heh) but I wasn't sure in a car. He told me to jump
in, and there I was REALLY having to go to the bathroom, but in the same 
vehicle as the inventor of the Stick. (Conflict of priorities I know...)
So here I am, and I really got to go...

--
 . _____________________________
/:|                    /  /  : =| Chapman Stick		Chuck Ivy
\:|___________________/__/___:_=| White Oak #240	cei@po.cwru.edu
                       ++				cei@math.uh.edu
From: snarf@access.digex.com (Sean Eustis)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: Whee....
Date: 24 Dec 1992 03:36:20 GMT
Organization: Express Access Online Communications, Greenbelt, MD USA
NNTP-Posting-Host: access.digex.com

In article <1992Dec23.165115.24366@wam.umd.edu> amanda@wam.umd.edu (Me again) writes:
>"See, i just had my wisdom teeth out... all four!  One was sideways.  The
>stitches get removed in a week.  In the meantime, i'm wandering around my
>world in a Percodan haze, with chipmunk cheeks...."
>
>The Percodan doesn't last nearly as long as it needs to.  "Time for some
>Nuprin..."

	"Owie-owie-owie, lots of sympathy here," comments Dreamweaver, "I
remember mine, too."
	"Jason's right, lots of ice cream. That's the trick. I'll
reintroduce myself after you come out of your haze, but for now..."
Dreamweaver rumages through a couple of pockets."Here, have a couple of
coupons for some Eddy's Grand, its the softest."

				-The Dreamweaver



-- 
In VR -- The Dreamweaver		In RL -- Sean Eustis
						snarf@access.digex.com
"God never closed a door without
 first opening another."
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
From: aaron@atlantis.uucp
Subject: Re: wonderful life
Reply-To: aaron%atlantis@kakwa.ucs.ualberta.ca
Organization: Atlantis Communications, Edmonton, AB, Canada
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL8]
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1992 18:51:16 GMT

Barbara Trumpinski (trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu) wrote:
: what does everyone else think?  do you all ever wonder what the world
: would be like without you?"  kitten sits back to wait for answers.

Alfvaen ponders.  "I haven't spent much time thinking of what the world would
be like without me...I've thought of other alternate realities, though.  What
if I was born female, for instance?  What would my life have been like as Erin
Humphrey?

"And just as myself, there are a few places where I wonder what would have
happened if...  Especially with former girlfriends.  Nicole was my first
>serious< girlfriend, but there were a couple of others...a girl named Laura
back in Grade 8 who seemed to like me a lot, and a girl named Kathy who was my
Grad date.  Both of them I thought I was in love with, but neither of them did
I have the courage to ask out...

"I was still mooning over Kathy when I met Nicole, and then I >knew< I was in
love.  But I still wonder what would have happened if I'd been a little more
forward, and those relationships had gone further.  I suppose I could always
have an affair...;-}  ;-}  ;-}"

-- 
---Alfvaen(Still looking for "October's Baby")
"Give me your mirth.  It bores me when you weep.                                 My loves you cannot touch.  They're buried deep."  ---Don Marquis
Current Album--Mark Knopfler & Chet Atkins:Neck And Neck
Current Read--Murder For Christmas
From: schweppe@acs.bu.edu (Edmund Schweppe)
Newsgroups: alt.callahans
Subject: Re: wonderful life
Date: 28 Dec 92 04:44:18 GMT
Organization: Boston University, Boston, MA, USA

In article <1hlkgaINNojq@mirror.digex.com>
 snarf@access.digex.com (Sean Eustis) writes:
>In article <BzunHH.Gpt@news.cso.uiuc.edu>
> trumpins@alexia.lis.uiuc.edu (Barbara Trumpinski) writes:
>>what does everyone else think?  do you all ever wonder what the world
>>would be like without you?"  kitten sits back to wait for answers.
>
>Walking over to kitten, and giving her a hug, "I'd agree with some of the
>others here at Callahans about it being different without you. Not many
>others add as much sheer cheerfulness to this otherwise very grim world."
>	"I'm also glad that we've got _you_ instead of your ghost."
>
>	"To kitten, and to _all_ of us for making a difference."
><<Crash>>

<CRASH!!>  Merlinvin can't think of anything to top that.

__________________________________________________________________________
Ed Schweppe o/k/a Merlinvin - schweppe@acs.bu.edu,
    (or for faster replies)   eschweppe%drcoa1.decnet@drcvax.af.mil
All standard disclaimers (also datclaimers and deotherclaimers) apply.