From: tes0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (THOMAS EDWIN SCHMIDLIN)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Christian Joke
Date: 1 Sep 92 03:09:24 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

In article <1992Aug31.172252.3908@island.COM>, fester@island.COM (Mike Fester) w
rites:
>In article <1992Aug28.164326.18511@lmpsbbs.comm.mot.com> marios@ecs.comm.mot.co
m (mario smarduch) writes:
>>
>>"Jesus is hanging on the cross and down below at the bottom
>>of the hill, Peter is mourning the loss of their saviour and leader.
>>Suddenly he hears a faint voice calling to him..."Peter....Peter"
>>and he turns and starts to run up the hill toward Jesus on the cross.
>>Before he can get to the top the Roman soldiers shew him away and,
>>dejected, he goes back down the hill."
>>
>>
>>I was exactly referring to filth like this, anyone that can post
>>a joke like this, I know that the person has no morals, and is
>>willing to do anything to make a hit. I have heard religious jokes
>>but this is cynic, calculated and out right blasphomous trying to
>>degrade the suffering of Christ. I don't understand how all you
>>Christians are just sitting back and allow this kind of stuff.
>
>I agree. For example, I heard this SHAMEFUL piece of blasphemy just the
>other day;
>
>"Jesus and some other Biblical Guys were hanging around in Heaven day, when
>They decided to re-enact some of their favorite miracles from Their time
>on Earth. Joshua was first and, of course, Everyone wanted to see him bring
>down the walls of Jericho. This was done to wild applause. Then Moses re-enacte
d
>the parting of the Red Sea, a favorite to be sure. Then came time for Jesus
>Himself to perform. This was a bit of a Problem, as there were so many fine
>miracles from which to choose. Finally, it was decided that He would walk upon
>the waters. To thunderous cheers, Jesus set out in a boat to the middle of a
>Heavenly Lake. He took one step out and "SPLASH!", right to the bottom. They
>fished him out, and He decided to try again. He stepped out and "SPLASH!",
>to the bottom again. They pulled Him out, and got him back into the boat and
>He said "I don't understand it. That always used to work for Me". Peter turned
>to Jesus and said, "Lord, I think I see the problem. It's these holes in your
>feet"
>
>Disgusting, isn't it? Does anyone else encounter filth like this? Post it,
>that we might all smite it with our Holy flames.
>
>Mike
>
>
>--
>Disclaimer - I'm only doing what the little voices tell me to do.
>

Jesus and Moses are playing golf one day.  Moses tees up and hits a beautiful
drive, straight up the fairway.  Jesus tees up his ball and swings with all of
his might, but he slices the ball off into a nearby water trap.  Cursing, he
walks across the water to retrieve his ball, and then returns and re-tees the
ball.  Moses says "You want me to give you a few pointers?", but Jesus shoots
him a dirty look and says "This isn't that hard.  If Arnold Palmer can do it,
I can do it."
So he takes another shot, but slices it into the water trap again.  Again he
walks across the water, retrieves his ball, and walks back to try again.
Again Moses offers him some pointers, but again he refuses.  "If Arnold Palmer
can do it, I can do it."  This continues for some time, until the group behind
catches up.  When Jesus strolls across the water to retrieve his ball, one of
the amazed golfers says, "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?"  Moses
looks at him and smirking says
"No, he thinks he's Arnold Palmer."








After practicing for a while, Jesus is once again on the golf course, this
time with Moses and an old man.  Jesus and Moses drive beautifully, landing the
ball near the green on the par three hole.
The old man drives, but it slices off towards the water trap.
Just before it goes into the water however, a fish jumps and catches the ball
in it's mouth, at the same instant an eagle swoops down and snatches the fish.
The bird flys out over the green and the fish slips from it's talons.
Flopping on the ground, the ball pops from the fishes mouth and rolls into the
hole.  Jesus torns to the old man and says
"You know dad, I really hate playing anything with you."
-- 


Tom Schmidlin       DEEP THOUGHTS: By Jack Handey - If God dwells inside
TES0@LEHIGH.EDU         us, like some people say, I sure hope he likes
215-758-0865            enchiladas, cause that's what he's getting.
Newsgroups: rec.humor