From: kilroy@gboro.glassboro.edu (Dr Nancy's Sweetie)
Subject: Re: Spiritual leadership in the home
Organization: Glassboro State College (but not for long!)
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 16:32:35 GMT


There is a book titled _Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood_ (which, as
an aside, is on my list of "10 Worst Books I've Ever Read"), which attempts
to define `Masculinity' as follows:

  At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility
  to lead, provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to a man's
  differing relationships.

Someone who was defending this definition wrote that he tries to protect his
wife from emotional/psychological/physical harm, and that he works to provide
a safe and secure framework to their lives.  So far so good.  However, it led
me to some obvious questions: "Do you mean that your wife does nothing to
provide a safe and secure framework to your lives?  She does nothing to
protect you from emotional/psychological/physical harm?"  And, of course,
these others:  "Do you mean that I, as a man, should do nothing to protect my
brothers (or other men I do not know) from harm?"

In short, the definition promoted by the authors of the book specifically deny
that a woman should protect men, or that men should protect each other.  I
find this totally unacceptable, because it is patently obvious to me that
EVERYBODY should try to protect EVERYBODY ELSE.


With that in mind, we turn to Lon Mendelsohn's comments about spiritual
leadership:

> As the husband in a "heirarchical marriage," I can tell you that my primary
> spiritual leadership tends to take the form of making sure that my wife and
> children are maintaining and furthering their relationship with God.  In
> the case of my wife, I ask her from time to time how her prayer life is
> going, how she is experiencing her relationship with God, etc.  If things
> are not going well for her, I do what I can to help her out.

Doesn't she do those same things for you?  Surely you don't mean that you help
her maintain a good relationship with God, but that she'd let yours go to pot
and do nothing at all to help?  But if she does help, is that a kind of
spiritual leadership?  Is it improper for her to ask how your prayer life is
going?  (That question is so silly I can't believe I have to ask it.)


On practical decisions, Mr Mendelsohn writes:

> In twelve years of marriage, we have had maybe two or three occasions where
> we were unable to come to an agreement and we did things my way because I
> was the husband.

Why?  The fact that you get to break the tie isn't necessarily license to
always break it in your own favor, is it?  (If I was ever in that spot, I
would want to flip a coin.  1/2 8-)  Have you ever said "We cannot reach an
agreement, so we'll do it your way." ?  If not, why not?

Also, what was the `spiritual' issue (if'n you don't mind my asking)?  Did
you require her participation in some ritual she did not approve of, or deny
participation in something she wanted to do, or pronounce doctrine, or what?
I cannot imagine ever doing anything like these to another adult (see today's
nifty quote), and I am wondering if I've totally misunderstood you.


[ Some of this should be read with the knowledge that Nancy & I have not had
  an argument about anything since we've been married.  We've both presented
  arguments of the form "I think X because of A, B, and C", but the standard
  raised-voice hot-disagreement picture of `argument' is totally foreign to
  us.  (Everybody should marry a logician. 8-} )  I cannot think of anything
  that would motivate me to yell at Nancy, short of a rampaging lion. ]


Darren F Provine / kilroy@gboro.glassboro.edu
"The secret of our relationships with one another in the Christian Church,
 especially when we have our differences, is `Jesus Christ is Lord'.  To
 despise or stand in judgement on a fellow Christian isn't just a breach of
 fellowship.  It is a denial of the Lordship of Jesus.  I need to say to
 myself, who am I, that I should cast myself in the role of another
 Christian's lord and judge?  I must be willing for Jesus Christ to be not
 only my Lord and Judge, but also my fellow Christians' Lord and Judge....
 I must not interfere with Christ's Lordship over other Christians."
                                                          -- John R W Stott
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU