From: andsol@owlnet.rice.edu (Andrew J. Solberg)
Subject: Flaming Etiquette: Go Git 'Em, Fang! (growrrr....)
Organization: Rice University
Date: Sat, 29 Aug 1992 20:31:11 GMT

This is a post geared at complete and total wet-behind-the-ears newbies.
Remember, just because you have been posting to alt.flame for years does
NOT make you a non-newbie.  Indeed, the fact that you are reading this
dirty catheter in the medical depository of Usenet suggests strongly that
you have yet to graduate from the ranks of the clueless and inferior.

Do not despair!  I, Andrew J. Solberg, am here to 1) ruin your brunch, and
2) propel you into the Great Unknown that is the Road to Enlightenment.  I
hope to assist those of you whose feeble neurons haven't the Wheaties to
squirt the total concept of 'flaming' into the dark recesses of your
disturbed minds.  In short, this post may help you.

Ask me a question.

<Newbie>: Andrew J. Solberg, I am a freshman at Stanford University, and
          I would like to learn to flame. Are there any ground rules I 
          should follow while flaming?

<AJS>: Yes.  Stick to these simple guidelines:

     1) Make it personal.  Generic, 'Dear John' flames are pointless and
        unworthy of posting.  Remember: you can't make an omelet without
        breaking a few balls.
     2) Don't *take* it personal.  Are you the type who turns red when 
        insulted?  Do you quail at the concept of pro-life/pro-abortion
        forces getting in your face and shouting at you?  Do you view
        grades or evaluations as comments on your personal self?  If so,
        this group is not for you.  Unsubscribe and jump onto alt.happy.
        happy.joy.joy, where you will feel right at home.  
        Also, grudges are bad.  You will insult and be insulted on this
        group; your career here will be short indeed if it gets to you.
     3) Take your time.  Your average Joe Schmuck alt.flamer's day goes
        something like this:
        "Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo......wake up, strip out of the pajamas, take
         a tongue-bath, whack off--nff!  Breakfast: Cap'n Crunch? YAY!...
         Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo....buff the pointy head, pick the nose,
         torment the goldfish.....Hey!  It's USENET TIME!!!  Gotta post...
         gotta post...what can I post?  Hell, ANYTHING!  

        "MY FANS WILL *LOVE* IT!!!!"

        Not.  Unless you carefully consider your posts, nobody will give
        two rat testicles what you write.  You will be filed away mentally
        as some lower order of chordata, and you will languish in despair
        and solitude.  You have been warned.
     4) NEVER, EVER follow-up to garbage.  The greatest compliment you can
        pay a flamer is to flame him back.  The second-best compliment you
        can pay a flamer is to compliment him.  The WORST thing you can do
        to a flamer is to ignore him completely.  If fecal matter crosses
        your screen, let it pass you by like two shits in the night.  The
        ignored poster will hopefully get the message and up the quality
        of his work.
     5) There are some people who, no matter how hard they try, cannot
        muster up a worthwhile flame.  These people are to be pitied and
        cared for.  HOWEVER, this is NOT the newsgroup to try,try again
        in.  Do that, and people's killfiles will wall you up with the little
        cask of Amontillado.
     6) Anything is game.  Now go get 'em, Fang!  Grrrrrrrr........rowf!

<Newbie>: Gee!  Thanks, Mr. Solberg!  And you were so NICE 'n stuff!

<AJS>: Sure, kiddo.  Anything for a youngster like you.
        (pats Newbie as he EXITS STAGE LEFT)

<AJS>: ...........................



        Okay, lessee.....Newbie@leland.stanford.edu....... 

        Hehhehhehhehhehhehheh......

-- 
Andrew Solberg          |"If I were your wife I'd poison your tea!" 
Undying University Mooch|              Anon. Outraged British Woman
andsol@owlnet.rice.edu  |"And if I were your husband I'd drink it!"
Phone:713-529-8627      |              Winston Churchill

			
Newsgroups: alt.flame,talk.abortion