From: B645ZAW@UTARLG.UTA.EDU (STEPHEN TICE)
Newsgroups: talk.politics.misc
Subject: Apples of Discord  (debate parody)
Date: 15 Oct 1992 15:44:11 -0500
Organization: UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway

Moderator:     Welcome to tonight's debate between Farmer Jones, Farmer 
               Smith, and Mr. Hacksaw. As you all know, Farmer Jones and 
               Farmer Smith have been running a bitterly fought campaign 
               for president of the Fruit Growers Co-op for some months now, 
               and we have Mr. Hacksaw, a local business man from the 
               community who has joined the race recently. Let's start the 
               questioning.

Moderator:     Farmer Jones, describe your position on the apples issue.

Farmer Jones:  My position is well known. The apple redness and flavor has 
               been dropping off and I'll do all I can to improve the color 
               of the coop's apples and make us more competitive in the 
               market place.

Farmer Smith:  While I agree that apples haven't been as red as in past 
               seasons, I feel the issue of Farmer Jones shipping bruised 
               pears is of greater concern. That damaged fruit serves to 
               reduce the perceived quality of our products.

Moderator:     The topic here is apples.

Farmer Jones:  I just want to clarify my role in that matter. It only 
               happened once and I did not examine those pears before 
               shipment! 

Farmer Smith:  That's not what you said before!

Moderator:     Gentlemen! The topic is apples. Farmer Smith, what are your 
               plans for the apple crop?

Farmer Smith:  I plan to supplement the apple crop by introducing grapes 
               into the orchard region to take advantage of the terrain we 
               have that's not conducive to trees, like the steep hill.

Farmer Jones:  Again with the grapes! That will place a heavy burden on the 
               resources available to the co-op and there's no real payback 
               in the offering. You just want to divert attention for the 
               falling quality of our apples.

Moderator:     Yes we want to..

Mr. Hacksaw:   Listen to me! Does it matter to anyone here that the or-
               chards are dying? That herbicide has seeped into the water 
               system?

Farmer Jones:  The herbicide issue will be decided once we get the price up 
               for apples and with my program....

Farmer Smith:  Your program will not produce better apples this year or 
               three years from now. Not if you run the apple program the 
               way you handled the pear situation!

Moderator:     Farmer Smith, where do stand on the orange situation.

Farmer Smith:  I'm glad you asked. The freeze has devastated the orange 
               crop and we need to replant trees and install more efficient 
               smoke pots.

Farmer Jones:  Who's gonna pay for all that? You're going to raise member-
               ship rates and the apple growers won't stand for that!

Mr. Hacksaw:   Hey, now I'm only going to tell you this once! The orange 
               trees are just going to get worse if we don't deal with the 
               herbicide problem and do it now! You guys just don't want to 
               talk about it!

Farmer Smith:  My vision for the orange problem will actually save money in 
               the long run. 

Farmer Jones:  Your vision will be at the expense of the all the growers and 
               still won't get grapes introduced into the valley, you banana 
               eating twit!

Moderator:     Well that's all we have time for. Join us for the second 
               debate when the topic will be shipping boxes. Thank you and 
               good night.


 ;^) 

 Stephen D. Tice    "Thanks to Charlie L. and those "Cheerful" folks  
 Arlington Texas     out at TI for the "Applesauce" view of the campaign."

Newsgroups: talk.politics.misc