From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.romance.chat
Subject: Re: what she wants
Date: 4 Sep 92 20:41:36 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <Bu1x9F.CFr@tik.vtt.fi> pekka@tmt.tele.fi (Pekka Ahonen) writes:
>In article <1992Sep2.215750.26614@news.nd.edu> (Angie) writes:
>> For myself  - and a majority of the
>>women I know - I prefer all the "cutsie-shit" that a man will hand out!  As
>>long as he's willing to spend money and time on you, then take it!  Why? 
>>Well, simply because later on in the relationship, it just will not happen.
>
>When marriage starts, romance ends.
>Don't you get IT(tm), when men are after someone, of course they (us)
>want to win the interest of the woman they are courting by bying her
>flowers and presents and other "cutsie-shit", but when marriage-life
>starts they don't feel obligated anymore to do so as they think that
>in marriage-life they are equal with their wife (meaning 'I will not
>buy her anything if she will not buy something for me') and they also
>don't have the reason to do that anymore, since they've already got
>what they were after and they feel quite secure on keeping the
>relationship goingon anyways.
>
This is a good explaination of *how* this happens. But I don't think this
is inevitable or desirable. If you want your wife (husband) to treat 
you as someone special, you are going to have to treat them as someone
special. It is not enough that you once treated them that way.

>But methinx it is a part of dating for man to buy "cutsies" to a woman
>and women should accept them, because otherwise dating may end quite
>soon, since men are used to "take care" of women while dating and if a
>woman don't accept "cutsies" man will either get scared thinking of
>her as a feminist or get hurt and think that she don't care about him.
>
For some men, and for some women, men giving gifts and women receiving
them are an important way of demonstrating affection. But don't get
trapped into thinking this is the only way. Gift-giving is a time
honored tradition, and like all traditions carries a heavy load of
symbolic meanings. So, while it can be powerful gesture, the message
you send may not be the message that is received.

>But beware ladies, you can scare a man away also by "begging"
>"cutsies", know what I mean? because in that case a man will take you
>as a "bad girl".
>
If you mean that a women who asks for presents, to show her interest
in man, may make the man think she is only interested in presents,
I would agree. If not, I do not follow what you are saying.


>You know, we men DO give you everything we got. Our hearts, our souls,
>our money, our dignaty... evrything! But as far I have only receiveed
>headaches and heartbreaks (oh, sorry forgot, I gave it to you, so it
>can't break, can it?) and lots of debts...
>
Both men and women make almost the same complaint. We say we have given all,
and they want still more. But I think really what makes us think this is
that we try to make things better by giving more, rather than finding out
what our partners really need. For instance, giving gifts and material
things when what they really need is to know we still need them.


Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance