From: u-mwong%peruvian.cs.utah.edu@cs.utah.edu (Michael Wong)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Need Answers to What This Girl is Thinking
Date: 7 Jan 93 06:06:24 GMT
Distribution: usa
Organization: University of Utah CS Dept


   I'm having a hard time trying to understand what this girl has in her mind
after this situation I went through during these past holidays and I could 
use some net opinion.  This will involve a lengthy background before I can 
get to the point, so please bear with me.

   Back in high school, I had a crush on this girl that developed during
my junior year, although I did know her since junior high.  I was a shy 
person then and never did say much to her.  She even sat right in front of 
me in one class during the whole junior year!  (That was because she had
the same last name as mine and the teacher sat everyone in alpha order.)
We shared a few things in common, particularly in the kinds of classes
we took.

   I pretty much forgot about her after graduation.  But last summer, we had
our 5-year HS reunion and it brought some memories back to me.  I didn't 
see her there that evening.  So, I decided to call her and found out she 
moved to the SF Bay area since last January.  Her mom was nice to give me 
her phone #.  At that same time, I decided to send a letter to her describing
my emotions of her to her mom's address, assuming it will be forwarded to her.
Of course, I received no reply...a negative sign, perhaps.

   Around Thanksgiving week, I decided I'd have a dozen roses delivered to 
her mom's address for the heck of it with an anonymous card.  I thought she
may come home for the holidays to receive them.  Around the week of 
Christmas a couple of weeks ago, I get sent out to the San Jose by my boss
for a 2-day business trip.  That evening of my stay-over, I finally had the 
nerve to give her a call in SF because I just had to get her out of my mind 
to prepare for the new '93 year.

   She was surprised that I called and she figured that it I sent her the
flowers.  We talked for about 15 minutes as I told her what I was doing and 
my emotions/crush about her and she told me what's she's up to and her plans
for the holidays.  That was a scary 15 minutes!  She was pretty nice over the
phone but had to go since she had to prepare some presents and pack up to 
leave for home.  I wanted to try asking her out for lunch when she would be
in town, but I didn't get the chance to ask.

   So, it's Dec. 24th and she's in the area by now and I decide to give her 
a call at her mom's home in the evening.  She answers and tells me she can't 
talk now since her family is celebrating her sister's B-day.  So, I call on
the morning of the 26th--mom answers and says she's gone skiing.  I call
that evening--mom answers and says she's not home yet but to call in the
morning the next day.  I call Sunday morning--mom answers and says I missed
her and asks me to leave my name.  I did and figured that the "ball is now
in her court," as a friend of mine put it, as to if she would be interested 
in calling me back.  I didn't think she'd call back.

   This is where I finally get to the point!  It's the 28th, Monday evening,
and I surprisingly get a call from her.  When she called, she asked me if we
could go out for coffee.  As usual for me, I tend to screw up great
opportunities (I'm a SLOW thinker when it comes to these things) and tell I
can't go since I just had dinner and had some things to do--STUPID ME!  
I should have dropped what I was doing and said SURE.  I did say I can try
to make it, but she said she didn't want to pressure me.  So, I asked how
much longer she'll be in town so that we can go out for lunch.  She said
only a couple of days but lunch/dinner would be impossible.  Now here's
the clincher...I ask her if we can go out for dinner the next time I'm out
in the Bay area.  She says that it would not be convenient since her
boyfriend may not like it.  She met him in college (Colorado State) and says 
their relationship is pretty serious.  I guess I was 5 years too late!
So, we ended our brief conversation at that point.

   Having gone through this situation, a couple of questions have arisen
in my mind.  This is where I could use some net opinion.  First, why didn't 
she tell me about her relationship when I first called her in SF?  Perhaps
she didn't want me to feel bad until after the holidays?

   The next question is why would she ask me out for coffee?  Is it just
to break the bad news in front of my face?  If she is serious with her
boyfriend, then why ask?  I'm assuming she wanted to go out just for some
"friendly" chit-chat and that "going out for coffee" is probably a little
different than "going out for dinner", if that makes sense.  But, if they
are so serious, why even ask?  Any ideas about this?

   I know I should forget about her and continue with life, searching for
the right girl, but I'd like to get these questions resolved.  I'm tempted
to call this girl one more time and ask her these questions, but I don't
want to be pain to her.  Should I call?

   Has anybody gone through similar situations?  Did you ever want to ask
or had a crush on a gal/guy that you like a lot back in high school, but 
never did because you were too shy do it?  If so, have you found that it
was too late to ask that person out after waiting so many years?

   I'd appreciate any ideas/answers from the net about these questions!
----------
Michael Wong 
u-mwong@peruvian.cs.utah.edu
University of Utah
Xref: sparky alt.romance:15880 alt.romance.chat:23089