From: amoojoon@ghahveh.khooneh.mash.yadollAh (Bacheh Morshed)
Subject: Naghdi bar SCI in 92(episode 3)
Summary: Siliyeh naghd beh az halvAyeh nesiyeh
Keywords: Naghd
Organization: naghAl khooneh
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 1993 01:24:18 GMT





SalAmeh amoo bar ahAliyeh mohtaram

Today, after a couple of days of delay, is time for another episode of 
amoo's review of SCI in 92. This episode will be focusing on the events in  
March, featuring some of our famous and infamous celebrity ahAli. Without 
further explanation let me take you back in time.





WARNING:  The follwoing episode of "Naghdi bar SCI in 92" 	  
	  contains some profanities which are quoted without 
	  modification to ensure their accuracy. Most of the 
	  quotes have been brought out of a broader context for 
	  entertainment purposes therefore ahAliyeh SCI are 
	  encouraged to avoid forming judgments merely 
	  based on what they read here.	     
	  This episode has been cooked using the same basic 		
	  ingredients utilized in the previous episodes therefore 
	  its digestion by the humor impaired must be aided by 
	  large doses of cold, freshly brewed limoo-treated GGZ 
	  [(C) Najmeh pharmaceuticals]. 
	  Broadcasting of this episode in the midwestern United 
	  States(az tavAbeh SCI) may cause emotional disturbances 
	  for its ahAli, cattle(and their owners).		


Episode 3: The Turkish Connection
*********************************

March was a very unique month for me; amoo posted his first article in that 
month and officially gave up his lurking habit. At that time SCI was almost 
hyper-active in all the possible fronts, including international diplomacy. 
I doubt if any other cultural forum has ever attracted so many guest 
posters. Among these guests there was an Ed Weiner who one day decided it 
was time to stand for the rights  of AzarbAijAn. Now if you lived in SCI 
AbAd what would you do when someone is on a mission? 
yes, you would kheet them hard!

In this case one of our resident celebrity kheet-experts, Aref, took the 
lead and launched a devastating attack against Ed Weiner. Amoo in his first 
article mentioned the event in a list of benefits in joining SCI:

Amoo> -getting to decide over global issues as well as			  
       international politics without any prerequisites; 		  
       the current issues include the fight over the fate of 	  
       AzarbAijAn between the true representative of Azaris, 	  
       Ed Weiner(American Turk oghlAn), and not-so-azari 		  
       Aref!

The most profound admiration of Aref's fine job in "kheet"ing 
Weiner came from Babak!!:

Aref> United we stand, divided we fall, and a very hard fall

Babak> This is one of the greatest words I have ever heard. 	  
       I am very glad that with so much awareness in the 		  
       region, they will have a hard time playing us against 	  
       each other.

But what was Babak's perception of the word united:

Babak> Now, apart from historical reasons and the similarity of 
       cultures, which causes Azerbiajan to join us. This will 
       give a better opportunity to the people of 		  
       Azerbaijan. With our resources all at the same part, 	  
       we could provide a better life for all of us.

[the above was copied exactly from the original, including typos/errors/etc.]

This statement triggered yet another flame-war but a phrase by a Turk---
attempting to ease the tension--- put things in perspective:

A Turk> Babak is not equal to state of Iran.

The thread "a Turkish suggestion" was among the longer lasting threads in 
SCI to which everybody contributed somehow; you know it when you see even 
Bahman Khamenian gets involved. He wrote the following to Amin Kourosh, a 
Turkish hard-liner:

Bahman> Dokooneto jam kon bebar somewhere else dadash. Biziness 
	khoob neest inja!!

That in turn made Mash CherAgh Ali make the follwoing comments:

MCA> If you have not already noticed, Amin is one of the few remaining 
     members of a rare species of the human race... I suggest 
     that we form a protected region in SCI where people like 
     Amin can freely roam around, where they can be safe 
     from ruthless attacks by the civilized members of sci! 	
            
           Vote Yes for SCI's Endangered Species Act

I wish we had listened to MCA then; with so many rare species that showed up 
later the business would have been booming by now. 

But solving the Turkish puzzle was not all we were doing at that time. There 
were also more complicated cultural issues which were being debated by 
others, namely Mithra and Najmeh:

Najmeh> Man in toopo nadAshtam        
	MashghAmo khoob neveshtam        
	BAbAm behem gheli dAd        
        yeh toopeh ghel gheli dAd!

Mithra> I beg to differ on this one. 
        I think it goes something like:  BabAm behem pery dAd

Fortunately that thread ended right there before becoming a global disaster 
although the dilemma still remains between gheli and pery!

As we all know our own Eydeh Nowrooz is also celebrated in March, and when 
we think of that we also remember sizdeh bedar! Mack whose fame for throwing 
free parties is "zabAnzadeh khAs-o Am"(at least in the Bay Area) wrote:

Mack> Hopefully the weather will be nice and we can get out 
      and enjoy a few good charbroiled burgers, play a few 		 
      games of "vasatee", as well as tie our "sabzeh" and 		 
      throw them in water while singing:	

      13-bedar sAle_e degar	 
      khooneh_ye shohar	 
      bacheh be baghal

Amoo will not comment on the tone of voice while reading the above, Mack's 
choice of the game, or his hidden desires for the next year.

With all that going on there was still some room for Zafar-bashing 
operations headed by Alireza, Ramin S.,  Reza `chAkeram' Modarres, Assana, 
and even Afghahi!:

Alireza> Man tamam in ra be Farsi neveshtam ta cheshm 
	 in martikeh Zafar ham koor besheh

Sometimes I think SCI's immigration laws are tougher than anywhere else in 
the world; with all the contribution that Zafar has made to this forum he at 
least deserves a resident alien status but our patriots certainly didn't 
think along the same line. Let's look at a couple other interactions with 
Zafar gholi khAn[(C) Mahin, 92]:

Zafar> Eid Al-fitr is coming soon. I hope at least all of 		  
       the muslims on this net celebrate this holiday as 	  
       well.

Afghahi> Sir, nothing that starts with "al" interests me.

I wonder if he would also include almAs, alkol, allAf, aldang, ......
begzarim!

There was a time that no matter what poor Zafar did our ahAli got 
on his case. In response to display of a wealth of computer accounts by 
Zafar, Reza and Assana said:

Zafar> minhaszt@ucbeh.san.uc.edu
       ztm36546@ucbeh.san.uc.edu	  
       ztm36547@ucbeh.san.uc.edu	  
       ztm36516@ucunix.san.uc.edu	  
       minhas@pluto.csm.uc.edu

Assana> Zafar jan, are e-mail addresses on sale out there in 	   
	cincinnati? Maybe "buy two, get one free"??

Reza> You seem to be a well to do man. I wonder if you have 	 
      some Grey poupon?

The worst case in my opinion was when Zafar posted a "do' A" for 
"tahveeleh sAl", which is very commonly used in Iranian moslem families:

Zafar> Ya moghalebal gholobe Val Absar       
       Ya modaberal Layle vanahar       
       Ya mohavel Al Hole Val ahval       
       Havel Hallan ela Ahasanel Hal        

       Noroz Mobarak

Ramin S.> This is soc.culture.IRANIAN not soc.culture.ARABS ok? 
	  So get your lang straight...

On the other extreme, the anti patriotism also evolved ; a statement by 
Naghmeh could be a sign of such an emergence:

Naghmeh> My question may sound blasphemous to the great 		    
	 lovers of the glorious land, Iran zameen, but I 		    
	 really  would like to know what kind of a feeling 		    
	 is this "Iranian nationalism"?	[...] that makes 
	 people on SCI sound so funny sometimes.

I guess the answer was never given to Naghmeh so later that year she decided 
to find an answer on her own by travelling to Iran. A taxi-involved 
experience during that trip convinced her more than ever that such a love 
for Iran was meaningless!!

We as ahAliyeh SCI go to extremes very easily; 
when we dislike somebody we do all the way, and when we like someone, oh 
well:

Ahmad AghA> Have a good day, Hooshyar jun jun jun jun 
            jun jun....

Location: Bay Area; hmmmm!

One of the most racist comments to SCI was posted on behalf of an Avenging 
Angel from USC:

Angel> All yous Middle Eastern bastards must die!

The above statement once again caused our ahAli to flood SCI with their 
responses, their plans for getting back to the guy, and a lot more. Some 
ahAli, like Farhad, took it very lightly and made fun of the guy for using 
"S" at the of "you"; others planned an organized e-mail "ghoshoon kheshi" to 
USC system administrators, yet others asked Assana to punish the guy:

Ahmad AghA> Dear GRAND MASTER A[assana], our ignorantc angel needs 
	    to be rated here, hope your scale goes negative 
            as well.

For those of you who don't know the implications of thatrequest let me 
explain that you'd rather be sentenced to long term prison with constant 
"pas gardani"[(c) Seyyed, ,92] compared to receiving a negative rating from 
Assana. The Assana'a rating scale has been the only copy righted standard in 
SCI; it measures...well let's see what you as ahAli thought of it:

Babak> What is assana's scale? Do you mean, Assan-a (easy 		  
       standard)?! what does it measures?!

To which Babak's dearest pen-pal responded:

Aref> hahaha hohoho hehehehe funny! "vAy del dard gereftam 
      az-bas khandidam!"...How about "what does it measure?" :-)

Also Ahmad AghA tried to answer, this time using a more serious tone:

Ahmad AghA> The scale is from 0 to 10. She first used it to 		  
	    rate the Iranian men who suffer from "self 			  
	    confidence overdose" or as she put it "az 
	    khod moteshaker[An]". Later on , Assana's 
	    rating system turned out to become a SCI 
	    global rating system by which everyone can be 
	    rated.

So as you see SCI is also a place for scientific advances, 
and our ahAli are never in need of foreign rating systems.
Amoo himself has been rated by that scale and found it very amoocompatible! 
At the time when the Avenging Angel posted his racist comment though, he 
became the honorary all time lower limit of the scale, holding a negative 
infinity -oo 

As the discussion over Assana's scale continued between Babak 
and Aref another breakthrough was made by one of our ahAli. 
Behzad S. who seemed frustrated by witnessing the flame-war decided to 
make a revelation which subsequently changed his life:

Behzad> I was just reading all this nonsense between babak 		   
        and vakeel[Aref] and realized that: 	                            

               I AM TOO SEXY FOR THIS NET  


Moments after posting his article Behzad was hired by Calvin Clein to appear 
on their underwear commercials.

After all the explanations of the A scale there were still some poeple who 
didn't get it. Poor Zafar was the one who set himself up for that one:

Zafar> I am more confused about this assana scale than ever before. 
       Would you mind starting all over again?

As you might have guessed he received his fair share once again shortly 
after posting his inquiry, this time for interfering with such purely 
Iranian matter of such grave importance.

Amoo also got some welcome from our ahAli upon his first posting. Here is 
what Kamran had to say to me:

Kamran> I remember that I argued with my friend at high 		   
	school that there is a kind of abnormal relationship 	   
        developed between morshed and bacheh-morshed? can 		   
	you confirm that?

to which amoo replied:

Amoo> even if there was something going on between morshed and 
      bacheh morshed chizi beh to nemimAsid; deleto bikhod 
      sAboon nazan.	 
      Hamaro bargh migireh amoo ro cherAgh fitileheeyeh 		 
      Norveji!

This would not be a good review if I didn't mention Seyyed 
and Shahrokh. In a request for a vAjehnAmeh, amoo started a list which was 
then added to by others including by both Seyyed and Shahrokh. But as it is 
always the case, regardless of the thread, a separate argument started 
between those two:

Shahrokh>   FArsi                           Farangi            
            _____                           ________		 

	  amorzesh                      mort, mortuary, etc.

Seyyed> khodaa nayaamorzad aan kassi raa ke be to Faarsi 		   
	yaad daad.

This "nefreen" by Seyyed led to yet another chapter of Seyyed-Shahrokh 
stories which remains unsolved to this date.		


TO BE CONTINUED...


(C) AJAB!, 1993


high-rate bAsheed,


amoo
Newsgroups: soc.culture.iranian