From: ftlao@acad3.alaska.edu (OSSANDER LINDA A)
Subject: Re: Christmas
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41.UAC
Organization: University of Alaska - Fairbanks
Date: Sat, 26 Dec 1992 03:23:00 GMT

In article <2934234222.2.wk01687@worldlink.com>, "Jamet" <wk01687@worldlink.com> writes...
> 

Lots of important things deleted.

> 
>I pretty angry with my mother because she didn't do what a mother should 
>do: protect her child.  She took his side not mine.  She has used me to 
>satisfy her needs.  And I don't want to play anymore.

Congradulations!!! I am very proud of you for dealing with the hurt and anger
both your mother and step-father has caused you.  I was not able to deal with
my anger at my mother until after she died.  I kept saying she did the best she
knew how.  Well damnit! She also did not protect me, isn't that what mothers
are for to help and protect their children?  That is how I feel about my girls. 
If someone tried to hurt them they would have to go threw me first!  Due to the
fact of being molested by my own father I was very over protective of my girls. 
Now that they are 18 I have been able to step back but if I figured they would
be hurt I would do my best to interseed even now. But I realize they are adults
now so I am not such a mother tiger about things. Even Moms have to let go
sometimes.  

I also like the fact that you no longer play their games and I know my family
still plays games with each other.  That is why I moved to Alaska to get as far
away from them as I could and still be in the United States.  They all live in
Maine and still play their little games.  But I no longer play.  If they call
me I am desent to them but if they try any games with me I tell them off real
quick.  

\You were not responsible and neither was I for what are parents did to us.  It
is really hard for me to swallow the fact that I am still hurting for something
I did not do willingly.  I have worked on my own issues for over ten years and
every once in a while something will come up and hit me in the face all over
again so I think our healing is a life long process. Thank goodness we can get
the help and that I have the tools to help myself now.  You sound like you are
on the road to dealing with your issues. 
> 
>I haven't wanted to give her a gift in years.  I've been doing all kinds 
>of things out of a sense of obligation.  That feeling of obligation is 
>very strong.  Especially since my mother is ill.  But I need to stop 
>hurting myself.  I need to stop fulfilling obligations I don't want to fulfill
>and start using that energy to take care of me.
> 

Yes you are right about obligations, it is time to be selfish and take care of
you.  They certainly wasn't there to help you when you needed it so why should
you be made to feel guilty and shamed because they want to use you again?  That
is how we were kept in line with obligation and of course we shouldn't say
anything so they heaped us up with guilt and shame.  It worked wonders when we
were children but now we know better.

>That's what I want for Christmas.
> 
>Dear Santa,
>Please give me, me.
>Thanks
> 
>Debra

YES!!!! Claim that inner child..May you have a great Christmas! *HUGS* If you
want if not pass them on..

                           -Linda-

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