From: ALI00ERW@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Today I feel like screaming...
Date: 27 Jan 93 16:29:08 GMT
Organization: UNC Charlotte

First of all, bad day/bad language ***SPOILER WARNING***
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Here's why:
 
1. MY BOSS IS A FUCKING GODDAMN PIG!!!!!!!! I can't stand to have anyone scream
at me. And he has screamed 2 fucking days in a row!!! I chose to respond
quietly to his verbal abuse (rather than walking out). But a part of me wishes
that I'd just said something like "FUCK-OFF YOU GODDAMN BASTARD!!!" I feel a
personal ***HATRED*** for this man. Ironically enough, I've liked working here
for most of the past 2 and 1/2 years (I had a different boss when I was the
grad. assistant). And I've been trying to get the permanent position that is
coming open soon. But, now a part of me wants to just get the hell out of here
and do ***anything*** else, go on fucking welfare (they can't possibly be any
more obnoxious to me than my boss), anything.
 
Maybe I'll get a good job somewhere else. I'll get unemployment when this runs
out so I have some time to look. Its just that this has been a good job for
over 2 years and I really liked it and am learning a lot and now this STUPID
FUCKING ASSHOLE just has to go and spoil things.
 
Normally, I'd make some type of complaint. I certainly don't believe in taking
any crap off of anybody for any goddamn reason!!! But, the way my contract is
written, I really don't have any protections; I have no benefits or rights like
the permanent employees and can  be fired at will with no appeal.
 
Thats where the screaming comes in: my boss made a statement "I hope you two
(also including a coworker) don't ever need any faovrs from me because you
aren't likely to get them." (said at top volumn and with a great deal of
nastiness). He was trying to bully us into coming in for a reception he's
giving on a weekend. I'd said no because my SO is flying in from another
country for gods sake!!!
 
So then I felt like I was being given a threat: "if you don't do what I say,
you can forget getting a fair consideration for the new job." So I caved in.
Yes, I am fully aware that
I ***chose*** to give in to his threat. But its an "arm twisted tightly behind
my back" kind of choice, a coerced one.
 
And to top it all off, the next day the bastard had the nerve to say something
nasty to me about the how the incident reflected badly on ***MY*** performance
at work!!!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING NERVE!!!!!!! Hell, *I* wasn't the one throwing a
screaming fit worthy of any 2 year old!
 
 
Now for those of you who may be wondering if this ties in with sexual abuse in
any way, or if I'm just letting off steam in a convenient forum, here's the
link: Any time I feel like I am being backed into a corner, I first look for
the way out, but my next move is to look for REVENGE. I look for a way to hurt
that person very badly so that they learn not to ever fucking mess with me
again. I had "mellowed" for a while in the mid to late 1980s when my life was
going well and I felt that I'd moved beyond this point. BUT, a lot of these
feelings are coming back and I'M GLAD!!! I'D LIKE TO HURT THIS BOSS VERY
MUCH!!!!!!! And I don't care if it is sick to feel this way.
 
I CAN'T STAND the thought of being abused in any way, ever again!!!!!!!
So, I'd learned how to be real nasty myself when I feel the need to do so. I
am NOT gratuiously nasty. I'm not even nasty to people who only mildly annoy
me. But, there's just a point beyond which I WON'T  be pushed and I WILL
fight back. (There are people who can definitely testify to this!!!).
 
And this boss has definitely passed that point...
 
 
                      *****************************
 
BTW, I've been keeping a list of ***every*** nasty thing the boss has ever said
 or done (none anywhere near as bad as this) to give to my lawyer. I've been
keeping quiet because I wanted the job here, but now I don't think I really
want it anyway.  I'm not sure there is much the lawyer can do given my crappy
contract. But, I'll try anyhow. Hey! If I could sue the guy for everything he's
got, that would make me feel lots better!!! :-)
 
Erin