From: cockburn@edieng.enet.dec.com (Craig Cockburn)
Subject: VNS: Fri 11-Sep-92
Organization: Digital Equipment Co. Ltd., Reading, England
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 16:13:42 GMT


 ------- Forwarded mail received on 11-Sep-1992 at 09:53:57 -------

From:	FORTY2::LEROUF::CASEE::VNS "The VOGON News Service  11-Sep-1992 1008"
To:	VNS-Distribution
Subj:	VNS #2660  Fri 11-Sep-1992

<><><><><><><><>  T h e   V O G O N   N e w s   S e r v i c e  <><><><><><><><>

 Edition : 2660               Friday 11-Sep-1992            Circulation :  7772 

        VNS MAIN NEWS .....................................   52 Lines
        VNS VOGONBALLS ....................................  111   "

VNS MAIN NEWS:                                     [Tom Povey, VNS UK News Desk]
==============                                     [Reading, England           ]

    Here is the News at 07:00 BST on Friday 11-September-1992
    ---------------------------------------------------------

    UK News
    -------

    The Prime Minister has defended the government's economic policy in a
    speech to CBI leaders in Glasgow. He also said that the pound would not
    be devalued.

    The environmental group, Friends of the Earth, have begun a campaign to
    reduce the level of pollution caused by diesel engines in busses. They
    are calling for better maintenance of the engines and tougher emission
    control standards enforced by the MoT test.

    The Parker Pen company has been taken over by Gillette. {does this mean
    we will now have sharper pens? tfp}

    European News
    -------------

    Scientists in Denmark say research has shown that male fertility has
    declined over the last 40 years. They suspect the environment is to
    blame. The implications are unclear since birth rate is also affected by
    other, social and economic, factors.

    The Italian astronaut who flew with the US Space Shuttle last month,
    came down to earth with a bump last night when he retruned home to
    Genoa. His luggage, containing an Italian flag which accompanied him
    into space, was lost at the airport.

    World News
    ----------

    The UN Sec General has recommended an additional 6,000 troops be
    deployed in Bosnia to safeguard relief supplies. The UN Sec Council are
    expected to approve a resolution this weekend to authorise the
    deployment.

    The ANC has said it will take part in talks with the South African
    government after all.

    Pres. Bush has outlined his plans for "economic regeneration" of the USA
    in a campaign speech. The plans include a pledge to reduce taxes.

    {News courtesy of the BBC}


    Local Weather
    -------------

    A damp start, dry periods and showers forcast. High 16C/61F.

VNS VOGONBALLS:                                 [Dick Binder, VNS Humour Editor]
===============                                 [Nashua, NH, USA               ]

    "[Mr. Clinton's economic package] won't create jobs, it will cause
    jobs to be lost - 1.8 million to be exact. And that's a
    conservative estimate."

				- Government economics consultant
				- from Barry Dysert (Dayton, OH, USA)

    "The season series (between the Twins and Rangers) is tied at 5-5,
    for both teams."

				- John Gordon, Minnesota Twins announcer
				- from Mark Wiersbeck (Minneapolis, MN, USA)

    "WATER COUNTRY *** PORTSMOUTH, NEW HAMPSHIRE
    Cost:  $13.00 Adults; Kids under 4 feet tall should be purchased at
    the gate."

				- Digital PAC center email
				- from Rob Figler (Merrimack, NH, USA)

    "Bellerive Country Club is not only good enough to stage a US Open,
    it has staged a US Open."

				- The Independent
				- from Patrick Stephens (Galway, Ireland)

    "Even the glare of headlights can't hide the city's darkest secrets."

				- WBZ-TV commentator on a police "sting"
				- from Dave Crimmin, (Littleton, MA, USA)

    "...and the possibility that the [tennis] match will extend into
    tomorrow is a real possibility."

				- Sports news reader, Galway Bay FM
				- from Craig Putman (Galway, Ireland)

"Weight-lifting in Australia has always had it's ups and downs".

				- Olympic gold medalist Dean Lukin
				- from Tony Boyle (Melbourne, Australia)

    "There are a number of people poised with [deleted] to add ...
    ready at hand who will throw them into the ring the instant the
    iron gets hot."

				- John Jenkins, member of the Unicode
				  Technical committee
				- from Avery Bishop (Bellevue, WA, USA)

    "DECWORLD really turned on our customers."

				- Win Hindle in Digital newsletter
				- from Jay Norman (Shrewsbury, MA, USA)

    "So him and his new wife believe they were together in a previous
    life so I said, 'Who do you think you are, Sodom and Gomorrah?'"

				- Guest on Oprah Winfrey Show about
				  bigamous marriages
				- from Roger Gascoigne (Chicago, IL, USA)

    "[Unidentified baseball player] made an immaculate conception catch
    on a pop fly."

				- overheard over a cubicle wall
				from Shirley Zarin (Marlboro, MA, USA)

    ***   And of course we have some Colemanballs from Private Eye, as	 ***
    ***   always courtesy of Nick Hill (Paris, France).			 ***

    "... the return sent to the feet of the extended arm of Stitch..."

				- John Barrett, BBC2

    "It's a race that the Kenyans have dominated - but, looking at the 
    records, it's the first time they've won it."

				- David Coleman, BBC1

    "The tune we've been whistling has struck a chord with other member 
    countries... but the ball the Prime Minister has to pick up and run 
    with will put some flesh on the agenda."

				- Tristan Garel-Jones (re Maastricht Treaty)

    "I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like that before - it's 
    the second time it's happened today."

				- Brian Johnston, BBC Radio 3

    "It's not only a race against the clock, but a race against time 
    itself."

				- Presenter, BBC Wales

    "For the last two seasons she has been running on painkillers - her 
    foot is quite sore."

				- David Coleman, BBC1

    "There he is, the fastest man in the world this year... other men may 
    have run faster this year but he did it when it mattered."

				- David Coleman, BBC1

    "...and if Berger gets another yellow flag it will be a red one."

				- David Coleman, BBC1

         *** Send VOGONballs to VORTEX::CALIPH::BINDER, not to VNS ***


<><><><><><><><>   VNS Edition : 2660      Friday 11-Sep-1992   <><><><><><><><>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Craig Cockburn, Digital Equipment Co. Ltd, Reading, England.     Suas
  Internet: cockburn@edieng.enet.dec.com                           leis
  UUCP:..!decwrl!edieng.enet.dec.com!cockburn                      a'
                                                                   Gha\idhlig!
  Views here are my own, and are not necessarily those of Digital