From: aaldrich@geppetto.encore.com (Al Aldrich)
Subject: Re: Who cares
Organization: Encore Computer Corp.
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 20:37:06 GMT

ba@mrcnext.cso.uiuc.edu (B.A. Davis-Howe) writes:

>This is the point folks--feelings are worth listening to.  And we can't listen
>if we are worried about being perfect.  Stop focusing on yourself for just
>five minutes when you read a post like that.  (Or when you hear someone saying
>something like that.)  You don't seem to be able to get the concept that
>the world does not revolve around you.  When Janis talks about her feelings, 
>she is not talking about you.  The appropriate response is to recognise that
>she is hurting, and to let her express her feelings.  The inappropriate
>response is to judge what she is saying as factual/non-factual.  We are 
>talking feelings here, not thinking.

>Give it a try--give it a few tries.  You may be surprised at what happens.
[ stuff deleted]

>Disclaimer: this is not a slam on anyone--anyone!  This is a suggestion for the
>healing of men, based on my experiences of healing me.  It is not the perfect
>way to say it.  It is not what people want to hear.  It is not the one simple
>solution to all of sexism.  It is a step--one step.  Take it for what it's
>worth, but please, take it, try it, and see what happens.

I think this is a very good synopsis of what I would have liked to say about
all of this bru-ha-ha about oppression and domination of women and all other
various groups dragged into this foray..

As a man of the WASP heritage, I too was angry for a time over the `assumed'
prejudice against me just because of how I happened to be born. I too took it
all personally as an attack on ME when general `accusations' were leveled
at the `oppressor'. What I have learned is that there is no point in denying
your personal involvement with any heinous acts to the agrieved. What does
have positive results is to JUST LISTEN as Br'anArthur suggests. What will
happen eventually is that you will earn the trust that you assume you deserve.

I know it is not easy to accept that you are mistrusted just because of your
unknowing priveledged position, but I figure it is better than the lot of those
who have gotten a much worse deal for the last several millenia. I don't feel
`guilty' or `ashamed' of being who I am. I just feel it is my obligation to
right what wrongs I can while I am here, and who better to do it.

What can I do? Not much really. But speaking up is a step in the right directionI think. Like join your local NOW chapter. Tell the guys in the lunchroom who
are talking about the new secretary with the great legs that you don't think
it is appropriate. Don't go to see movies like `Cool World'. Write editorials,
letters, etc. to congresspersons, supporting egalitarianism and blasting all
the sexist, racist, ageist, attitudes which seem to pervade our society.
Just sitting back and feeling good because you're not like that doesn't help.

Again, this is not a slam on anyone either. Just an opinion from someone
who was previously angry.

Merry Meet

/al

-- 
Al Aldrich 		  | Fax: 797-5926	| `..give peas a chance..'
Ph: 305-797-2335	  |Product Operations	|    (Dinosaurs)
Inet: aaldrich@encore.com |Logistics Mgr.	|