Organization: University of Missouri-Columbia Campus Computing, 314-882-2000
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.catholic
Date:         Tue, 6 Oct 1992 08:56:08 CDT
From:         CCCAMPER@MIZZOU1.BITNET
Subject:      Re: Turning the Other Cheek

On Tue, 6 Oct 1992 09:41:00 EDT Liz Moreau said:
>I know what the Bible says about turning the other cheek.  It is hard
>enough for adults to do, but I was wondering about the parents out
>there.  How do you instruct your children?
>
>We know that school grounds aren't like they used to be.  If you child
>is being taunted, do you tell him to walk away?  Does this set up the
>child for more taunting?  How does everyone handle these things?
>
My son Seth is now 12 (wow!) and he has always been able to get along
with nearly every kid at school. One of the nicest things any teacher
ever said to me was that Seth never hurt other kids, even if they were
trying for some reason to torment him. How did this happen?
  ( God's grace! But here's what I did to try to help )

Quite simply, by helping Seth understand from the time he was very
small that God loves every single person, He just doesn't love every
thing we do. Then helping him to understand that when someone is rude
to him with no seeming justification (is there any?) it probably
has nothing to do with him. They are unhappy. Then we explored all the
possible reasons the child may have to be unhappy until it came to
the point that Seth could see how people use others to vent frustration.
And finally to the point that Seth could understand that if someone
felt bad enough to strike out at anyone handy, they probably would just
feel so much worse if he were to then retaliate. By "turning the other
cheek" the torment was diffused and eventually kids learn not to bother
to try to "pick on" someone who won't allow themselves to be used for
a punching bag.

The key in all of this is God's value of human life. Seth had to feel
loved and valuable and also had to respect the love and value that
God placed on the other child. This is a lifelong process. You know,
not "you are bad because you did this thing" but "I love you and you
are a super kid, but this thing you did was a bad thing to do" etc,
nurturing self esteem is kind of an artform. ;-)

Of course there will always be exceptions, the kid who has so many
problems they are just too much for a child (and often adults) to
cope with. But a child who learns to respect and value everyone will
(hopefully!) grow into an adult who truly loves all brothers and
sisters realizing their value in the Kingdom.

It also helps if there is a child that yours finds difficult to get along
with due to personality differences to point out the particular gifts
that child has to offer. Seth used to get annoyed with Justin M. (who
he was in close contact with on an OM team) so I started telling him
all the things about Justin that I really liked. Now they are best friends.
Justin hears a different drummer, Seth just had to tune in to the beat.

In Christ,
Elizabeth

ps One other exercise we went through recently was in response to the
"practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty" message.
It was easiest in negative form, beginning with one grumpy kid or
parent starting the day with one rude act to a family member, and
we brainstormed through the sequence of events as that negative act
was passed through work/school until it came back home with a
potentially very high number of people. All stemming from one
indiscretion. Then we approached from the angle of "random kindness"
and how doing something unexpected and truly *good* for someone
could affect them and those they subsequently come in contact with.
This helped make Seth very aware of his actions and more responsible
for them, realizing he had a sort of "power" to pass on positive or
negative and the choice was his.
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