From: cjk@netcom.com
Subject: Re: Magick
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Sun, 27 Dec 1992 09:54:34 GMT


Please bear with the gross misspellings and gramatical errors.  I have
left it almost in near identical form as when I wrote it but minutes 
ago.  I have only edited things would have significantly altered the
meaning.

Background.  I am at work, alone.  Its late at night.  I posted the
previous message some hours ago.  (if you havn't noticed I'm responding
to my own original post).

Below is my experience as written exactly after it happend.  I make no
claims other than this is what happend as best as I remember.  -cjk
-------------------------------------------------------------
I sitting reading some stuff about the 300 club.  I'm on page 90.
I've been skim reading selective topics, mainly concentrating on
material that appears factual.  But I have read opions and suppos
itions wich I immediatly discard as not worthy.

Suddenly, I feel as though somebody has entered the building.
I rush out and check.  Key chain in hand (my weapon) I survey the area.
I look in corners, shadows, the place is lit, but dimly.  There are
windows all around.  I enter back in the main room, feel something brush
my back, could be the door.  I am frightend but ready to face whatever.
Suddenly I open up, I feel what might be hundreds of people looking me over
examining me, I feel like they are determining my worth.  I am elated now.  
I am very excited.  Wave after wave of gooseflesh covers me.  I feel joy, 
happiness.  I call to them, Judge me! come, Judge me! Judge my ? can't quite
remember the word, could have been value, could have been worth.  But not
exactly sure.  I leave and go to the back room.  I'm talking with some
leader.  Told that I need to kneel,  I try to meditate cause I'm very excited
now.  I see what apears to be many toungs of flames (cartoon variety) or
just red wavy horizontal lines.  I'm really trying to control my breathing
now.  I'm using my martial arts skills (i'm a brown belt) I relaxe.  It is 
then I am told that I am on the plane of fire.  And to swear my oath.  At
that moment I realize that others have been sent to deter me.  To trick me
to tempt me, they tell me I am hearing lies.  I know not who to listen to.
Then in the blackness (and the wavey lines) I can make out a form.  It rises
from the bottom.  It is broad shouldered, humanoid in sillioute (thats all I
can make out)  the head is very narrow.  I am very afraid, even now as I 
write this.  I keep repeating my oaths to secure me.  Back to the story after
I identify the head as very narrow,  Its almost rectangular.  almost
robotic. I am kneeling east, I'll get the exact compass direction later.
It is identified to me but I cannot remember the name, I believe that this
actualy good. (that I can't remember his name) Any how I am told to dedicate 
myself.  I feel that there is a sword over my neck, my head is bowed my 
eyes are closed, I am intensly concentrating to keep the imagery in tact.  
I feel like one wrong move and I'm dead.  I say some words (they are english) 
it is my dedication prose? I feel many people both good and evil are watching 
me, I say more words that involve lightness and darkness the evil/dark ones
are telling me things.  I'm confused, I swap darkness for lightness in one of
my oaths.  I hear a hiss, the hair on the back of my neck stands up.  I come
out of the tempory slumber the darks one put me and and remember my blunder
I quickly correct it,  I tell them I choose Light, Accept me or kill me!
Sounds brave but I am really scared at this point.  Tears are flowing in
face.  I look out (with my eyes shut) I still see darkness.  I repeat what
I remember of my dedication prose.  The words are different, corrected mayby
but of the same direction.  Except the word knowledge that I place in my 
prose quite liberaly, I change to light when trying to go by memory.  At some
point, mayby right after my blunder and correction I repeat, light is truth
light is truth, light is truth.  I repeat it an unknown amount of time.
I've been hyperventalating, I control my breathing even more, steady rythimic
In throught the nose, out through the mouth, from deep down a draw the breaths
from deep down I expell them.  I am asking where is the light, where is the
light, all I see is darkness, all or almost all have drawn back.  A few are
still close by.  All I can see is deep wide darkness, I ask for the light,
ask for the truth.  I realize that though I may be controlling my breathing
my body is stiff and I am not relaxed,  I relaxe,  I still see darkness, I
continue to ask for the light, then my head starts to lift up slowly, evenly
like it was being guided.  The more my head leans back the brighter the light
gets.  I'm really hyperventaling this time, I warn them watch it guys, this
may injure me.  They assure me that I am no harm.  My body feels very light
except for my legs.  wich are leaden like.  I feel waves of gooseflesh again
as I think people are touching me.  I sense some dissapointment but Am told
that everything is alright.  I am told that I can open my eyes any time I
now, but I hesitate.  I want to know more.  My mind is speaking to me, 
It is telling me many things all of which I cannot remember.  I decide that
really this is just the beginning and more is to come.  But don't know when.
I decide to open my eyes and get up.  I then realize that the radio is 
playing (has been playing so no mystory there).  I take note of the song
whis is "a Whole new world" for the disney production of aladdin.  I think
that that should be a good omen.  I am told it is.  I then sit down
walk around again feeling not scared anymore.  I try and decide if I should
write it down, I decide to.  But before, I feel as if something is trying
to convince me not to, telling me, you won't remember anything accurate.
But As I type, I do remember all but specific names and some other stuff
that I don't remember at all.  Its like it was dumped into me so that I
can remember at a later time.  But anyway while I'm writing it I'm very
jumpy, I'm typing fast and furious, mispelling almost all as I go.  I keep
feeling spectators popping in in ones and twos to take a quick look at me.
and then depart.  This makes me scared again.  becuase dome of them are
good and some are bad or light and dark as Im told to refer to each other as.
I repeat my dedication prose a couple of more time in between typing.  
It seems to bolster my courage up.  Finaly, I am at this point.  And 
I'm going home.  Its sunday December 27.  All this happend in about 1 hour
or so. so it started at about 12:30am.  Oh BTW, I connected to internet to 
read the alt.magick group to see if somebody responded to my dedication
prose.  I would almost swear that after what just happend somebody would
have posted to me telling me what to expect.  But to my dissapointed nobody
responded via mail or news.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thats it.  I will email responses to any legitemate questions.  But will not
respond to this thread.  I'll be an alt.magick lurker for a long while.

Light is the truth.
I need to find my friends.

-cjk-