From: jmd@bear.com (Josh Diamond)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: I need advice on girlfriends fantasies.
Date: 12 Oct 92 16:51:53 GMT
Organization: Bear, Stearns & Co. - FAST
In-reply-to: rhoge1@esk.compserv.utas.edu.au's message of 12 Oct 92 04:51:14 GMT


In article <1992Oct12.045114.23499@cam.compserv.utas.edu.au> rhoge1@esk.compserv.utas.edu.au ([Robert James Hoge]) writes:

   Hi.
   I am not single, but I enjoy reading some of the stuff that comes into
   this newsgroup.  I have a wonderful girlfriend, quite attractive and all
   that.  I also have a problem about other girls.  Mainly friends of my girl-
   friend or friends of my friends.  These girls are always trying something
   with me, like trying to get me into bed with them, or trying to get me to
   leave my girlfriend for them...

I know the feeling.  Many have said that when you are in a
relationship you are more attractive to all those around you.  Maybe
it's because of pheromones.  Maybe because you are showing up as being
desired, and thus are desirable.  There are many possibilities.
Whatever the reason, you can always just tell them that you are
already in a relationship, and are not interested.

						  The girls that are friends of
   my girlfriend always talk to her about their fantasies, and now MY girlfriend
   has gotten this fantasy in her head to have a threesome or even a foursome
   with one or two of her friends.  This may all sound quite fine, but I am
   getting confused about my girlfriend and where I stand.

You are lucky to have an SO who is as willing as she to tell you about
this sort of fantasy.  The question is whether she actually wants this
fantasy to come true or not.  Sometimes we lose something when these
fantasies come true -- they often don't turn out to be as exciting in
reality as they were in our minds.  Why not ask her if this is what
she actually wants?  Do you want it?

   Could my girlfriend have something for other girls or could she just
   have this fantasy for me being shared with her friends?  Also, my
   girlfriend is always bragging (lately anyway) about my "impressive"
   size, which just encourages her friends even more.

Robert, you cannot read minds, and neither can your girlfriend, or her
friends.  If you want to know the answers to your questions, you must
ask her.  You must be vulnerable, as well as understanding about _her_
desires.  Tell her how you feel -- divulge your concerns -- and your
confusion about where you stand.  It seems to me that she was honest
with you about her fantasy -- now it's your turn to be honest about
your concerns.

I would proceed with the threesome (or moresome) only if you are sure
that all the participants really want to do it.  Be absolutely certain
that none have been cajoled into being a part of this -- yourself
included.  Also be certain that none have an ulterior motive -- hidden
agendas are the kiss of death.  Finally, I would make it something you
plan to try once -- and then discuss.  Do it again if (and only if) it
was enjoyable for all -- and all are clear about the relationship
between the three (or more) parties.

A warning: soc.singles wisdom seems to indicate that a stable
threesome of equals is a rarity.  Occasional additions of a third
partner seem to work a bit better.  Unfortunately, some form of
jealous confrontation often occurs between two of the three
participants -- at least one wanting another all to hisself or
herself, or one feeling excluded in some way.  It is a rare group of
people who can make this work on an ongoing basis. The key words:
Tread lightly -- jealosy is ugly.

   Just someone tell me what's going on.  Thanks.

Only the two of you working together can find the answer to that
question.  It is a tough one -- but you _can_ find the answer.  Just
remember, honesty and openness _always_ work.

Please keep us informed of developments...

					Spidey!!!


PS -- I (unfortunately) have not had personal experience with a
threesome -- my knowledge comes only from discussion here on
soc.singles and from conversation with friends who have had this
experience.  I _am_ willing to give it a try -- after all, it is
one of my fantasies too...


--
 /\ \  / /\  Josh Diamond                                          jmd@bear.com
//\\ .. //\\ AKA Spidey!!!                        ...!ctr.columbia.edu!ursa!jmd
//\((  ))/\\
/  < `' >  \                                              Do whatever it takes.