From: roten@CUBA.gsfc.nasa.gov (Charles Roten)
Subject: Hasan B. Mutlu .. The Story Begins !  ;->
Organization: /cuba_b/dirbe/roten/.organization
X-Newsreader: GNU Emacs 18.57.1, GNUS 3.13, NNTP 3.10
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 18:27:43 GMT

Opening scene: Half a dozen fantical Armenian terrorists are plotting 
strategy late at night, around a table on which stands a guttering candle.  
Now, these are not your garden variety terrorists, mind you.  These are 
young intelligent *elite* terrorists who have been sent to American 
universities to learn technology.  One of the terrorists speaks up.  

"I tell you, these slanders against the sacred Armenian cause on the 
bulletin board Usenet News MUST be answered with blood !!!!  This fellow 
'Ahmet Cosar' should meet with revolutionary justice with all due 
speed !!!" 

But an older and calmer terrorist asks the obvious question.  

"But wait a moment.  What was the _style_ of writing used in these 
slanders ? ..."

The first terrorist replies.

"Are you kidding ??  My dog back home could write better.  This clod 
makes the average schizophrenic look like Edward Hemingway !"  

The second terrorist then says, with a gleam in his eye ..

"GOOD !  Then he _must_ _not_ _be_ _touched_!  Just think for a moment.  
He will discredit the Turkish cause with every post he makes, since he 
appears as such a fool.  He _does_ _our_ _work_ _for_ _us_!"  

The first terrorist grows calmer as he absorbs this thought.  He then 
adresses the group.  

"Hmm .. your thinking makes sense to me.  But we cannot, in good 
conscience, simply stand by and let fools do our sacred task for us.  We 
must do something positive!  Perhaps we could launch our own offensive 
on Usenet News.  Surely it would help if we could convince a majority of 
netters that Turks are baby-eating monsters.  Our only problem would be 
to establish the neccessary credibility.  We would not even have to 
worry about financing our offensive, since we all have accounts on our 
school's computers, and from there, Usenet access is free."  

The older, calmer terrorist's eyes suddenly blink when he hears the word 
'credibility'.  Then his face is lit with a transfiguring glow.  

"Brothers, I have it !  Instead of convincing netters that Turks are 
baby-eating monsters, we might convince them that they are clueless morons !  
The idea must have come straight from God Himself !  We do not attack *them* 
.. *they* attack *us* !!  You mentioned credibility.  Tell me, what kind of 
person on Usenet News has the lowest credibility of all ?"  

The first terrorist replies ..

"Why, the net.asshole, of course."  

The second terrorist, his face still lit with the magnifecence of his 
vision, and with smouldering fire in his voice, pounces on that statement.  

"Exactly !!  So here is what we do.  We create a Turkish net.persona which 
will post obvious, palpable, and stupid anti-Armenian propaganda.  To 
maximize our effect, he should also slander Greeks, as well as any other 
cultures he can which are not Islamic.  Now consider, my brothers.  What 
are the principal characteristics of a net.asshole?  First, irrelevance.  
A net.asshole *never* answers questions or issues posed to him.  Second, 
arrogance.  A net.asshole always acts like the font of all wisdom, and 
anyone who disagrees with him is lower than dirt.  Third, volume.  A 
true net.asshole posts a LOT.  Now our persona cannot match the true 
masters of assholery on the Net in the first two categories.  So we MUST 
maximize volume!  Thus, we cannot rely on fragile human fingers to do this 
work.  I charge those of you who are Computer Science students to 
construct an A.I. program to handle this chore.  Let's give it the code 
name 'Hasan B. Mutlu'.  If we do this right, we can make 'Hasan B. Mutlu' 
into the biggest asshole on Usenet News !!!!!"  

One of the other terrorists, shaken, replies ..

"That's a tall order !  He'd be competing with legends like Joachim 
Martillo, Harel Barzilai, and Scott Horne !!"  

But the older terrorist is not dissuaded.  

"That's right.  That is why 'Hasan B. Mutlu' has to be an A.I. program.  
Tha way, he could post with INCREDIBE volume, which no human poster could 
match.  He should be also designed to crosspost _massively_, to irritate 
the maximum number of netters."  

The idea is beginning to sink in to the mind of the first terrorist.  He 
slowly sits down as his mind works.  

"I .. see.  Yes.  'Hasan B. Mutlu' could sink the reputation of Turkiye 
to unplumbed lows.  That is brilliant, brother .. brilliant !"  


That night, they caroused long into the early morning hours, singing 
Armenian folk songs, drinking, and dreaming of the vengeance soon to be 
theirs ...


And so the concept was born ...  

--
Charles Roten | Hughes-STX, Incorporated | 
  roten@cuba.gsfc.nasa.gov               | 'Use the Source, Luke!'
  7601 Ora-Glen Dr., Greenbelt, MD 20706 | 
  301-513-7805 (w),  301-317-0872 (h)    |            Obi-Wan Stallman
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