From: Mike Whitaker <MIKEW@sdl.ug.eds.com>
Subject: STORY: Midnight's Bane - part 22
Followup-To: rec.games.frp.misc
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1993 19:13:42 GMT

	Over lunch, in a small study Bryony had managed to free up for a couple
of hours, Hawk told Tanya a good deal about himself. She listened intently.
nodding occasionally, but for the most part refraining from comment. When he
had finished, she took a long breath, then smiled at him.
        "I seem to be surrounded by people who do better things with their life
than me..." Hawk raised an eyebrow. "No, seriously. I know you did what you did
for personal reasons, but.....' She shrugged. "I don't know..." The ranger
smiled at her.
        "So, what about you...?" Tanya rested her chin on her hands.
        "Me? I'm a thoroughly nasty piece of work." She smiled wryly. "Ask any
of the others - Karla, Valgoth, Shandril - they'll tell you." Hawk frowned.
        "We are talking about the same person?" An odd smile crossed her face.
	"I'm afraid so." Tanya sat back in her chair, stretched out her long
legs and shook her hair back out of her eyes. "I used to be a mercenary -
basically a mage for hire, anything that'd pay me money, gain me power.
Anything to make me look good, in essence. I didn't care who hired me, or what
I was asked to do, as long as I stood to gain from the deal." She paused,
fingering the pendant round her neck. "I got employed by a priest who wanted a
group of mercenaries to hunt for a sword - actually what they were looking for
was Daylight, though I never found that out. The priest had a good try at
converting me to... his god, but, since I didn't really care then for having my
life run by some being I was never likely to meet and who probably wouldn't
care a bit about me anyway, I declined. I enjoyed declining, though." She
grinned, and then actually blushed as she remembered who she is talking to.
"I... don't need to tell you who he worshipped. That was about six months ago,
before the Lifestealers arrived. And, to be honest, I really didn't care who he
was a priest of." There was a certain amount of venom in her voice, although
Hawk was unsure if it was directed at herself.
        "Anyway," Tanya continued, "We got to Blackmarsh, where this sword was
supposed to be, and got into a fight with Valgoth and company. Things got a bit
hairy - this priest summoned a Dark Hunter or something - and various extremely
powerful people turned up." There was a long silence, in which she is obviously
weighing something up, and then she leant forward, resting her elbows on the
table and lowering her voice slightly. "It's something you're going to find out
when the council starts, but... The gods, all of them, have powerful avatars,
heroes, call them what you like, who are their representatives on Altrion.
They're not allowed to interfere directly, and apparently the avatar of Heslor
was taking a personal interest in the fate of Daylight, and the avatar of...
um... Herself.... turned up to complain." Hawk looked puzzled.
	"Why are we not told about the avatars? Are they another secret like
the Lady?" Tanya frowned.
	"Sort of - someone like Cherri or Miriam will explain it better than I
can." She managed a half smile. "As far as we could work out later, one of the
avatars cast a spell to remove the mortal survivors from the fight to somehwere
safe, and, well..." She reddened slightly. "I was playing dead, in the hope
that I'd survive it, and I wound up the only survivor of the group I was with.
We actually finished up off plane, on Ros's world - you've met Ros?" Hawk
nodded.
	"I know who you mean."
	"So," she continued, "Valgoth and his friends tried to find a way home.
I was expecting them to dump me on Ros' world, since I was an enemy, but they
decided to have me along." She smiled, a wry and humourles grimace. "Having
first explained to me what would happen if I betrayed them..." She looked up at
Hawk. "Their opinion of me hasn't improved any since. The pendant I got from
someone they were trying to help, because he, and they, thought it would buy my
loyalty. The thing is, he was right." She fingered the pendant again, its
flames licking round her fingers but leaving them unscarred. "I'm making them
out to be real bastards, but they aren't - anything but. I was an untrustable
companion, and they were trying to stick to their principles while still
staying alive." Running a hand through her hair, she looked down for a moment
and said nothing, then glanced up into Hawk's eyes. "I guess it took me a while
before I realised just how much I wanted to be accepted by them - hanging
around with the good guys must rub off after a while." She sighed. "Anyhow, we
eventually got back here, having run into the Lifestealers on the way, and
discovered they'd beaten us here. Since then they....we've been trying to undo
some of the damage her priests have done, and preparing for the day the
Lifestealers decide to make a move." She paused. "Some of the damage includes
killing Pyra, the avatar of Heslor: this is why the weather is so bloody
awful." Hawk nodded. "For a while I thought I wanted to take her place
eventually, because I am a fire mage, mostly, and it meant power. Then I
realised the amount of responsibility and self-sacrifice that went with it, and
started to think it was a bad idea... Then..." she bit her lip "There were a
couple of prophecies that turned up, and they could be read as suggesting that
I *was* the one, if I chose to be." She gripped Hawk's calloused hand in one of
hers. "And I'm scared." Hawk covered her hand with his other hand and said
nothing.
	"Then," continued Tanya, "It got worse." She managed a grin. "Actually,
you know most of the rest. The Lady's priests had me snatched from here, and
taken to Irongate. They seemed to think I was important, and they wanted the
pendant off me - maybe they just thought the pendant was important, I don't
know. Anyhow, the pendant and the doppleganger were designed as a trap for the
rest of Valgoth's lot, and they told me this and threatened me with a
Lifestealer." Hawk raised a hand.
	"You don't have to go on."
	"Yes I bloody well do," snapped Tanya, then hung her head in shame for
a moment. "I'm sorry - I shouldn't snap at you - you're one of the few people
who actually treats me reasonably." She looked up at him, green eyes
unreadable. "They told me what they were going to do, and I made the first
unselfish decision of my life, and told them I'd see them on the Abyss, before
I'd let them use me against my..." she pauses for a second or two "..friends, I
guess, is the right word." There was a long silence. 'And then I couldn't do
it, when it came down to it." Her voice was bitter. "I finally realised what a
thouroughly cowardly little bitch I used to be, and..." She looked up at Hawk,
who looked gravely back at her. "I want to change, but I don't even trust
myself enough to be sure I want it for the right reasons - maybe, deep down,
I'm just doing it because it gets me acceptance and power." She pulled her hand
away and rubbed at her eyes for a moment, then looked up again. "Basically, I'm
a mess. I wouldn't get involved if I were you."

	Hawk stood and took Tanya's hands in his, gently raising her from her
chair. "I was told not to get involved in the deaths of my family, but I did.
You're a very strong willed woman, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Remember, a hero is only a coward who ran the wrong way!" He smiled and hugged
her.
	"We've both been through a lot in our short lives, but never once did
either of us give in. That has to mean something." He paused, wiping Tanya's
eyes with his hand. "Forget about the gods, and prophecies: life is what you
make of it. If you think it's being imposed on you by some higher being then
you may as well not think or act at all. I didn't agree to come on this journey
because someone who might be me was mentioned in a prophecy. I did it because I
believed it was the right thing to do. You and I are mercenaries, but I
believe we have the same good streak running through us; it just needs to be
brought to the surface." He stopped again, trying to think of the right words.
"I want to get involved: you're no more a hopeless case than I am. I'll always
be here for you, and we can make the changes together." Hawk gently lifted her
head and kissed her. "Maybe we've both been given a second chance at life."	
Tanya smiled at him.
	"Maybe you're right about me - I'm not sure I'm a good judge of myself,
in any event." She pulled away and took a pace back. "I'm slowly beginning to
think that you are wrong about the gods, though. None of the prophecies that
really matter say that we *will* do something - just that we have the
opportunity. Look - they say the fate of Altrion is in our hands..." she waved
an arm to indicate most of the temple "...think about it - this is the
collection of adventurers best equipped and knowlegable to deal with the
Lifestealers and Herself. I don't believe the gods can force us to do anything
- they can't take away our free will - I don't think they're *allowed* to, by
the laws they set themselves. All they can do is guide, and hope." She held her
hands out to Hawk, who took them again. "I've caught myself praying to Heslor
before now - after all, he's an appropriate choice for a fire mage - and I know
it helps me." Looking down at the floor, she continued, in a softer voice, "If
the choice I have to make is between taking the responsibilty of being Heslor's
avatar, and watching my friends..." she looked up into Hawk's eyes "... take on
the Lifestealers and Herself, and die, then I'll take it. But I have a good
idea how powerful Pyra, the Firewitch, was, and I'm nowhere near that good -
I'm no better than Drax as a mage. That's what really scares ne." She allowed
Hawk to fold her in his arms for a moment. Her voice when next she spoke was
muffled by his chest. "I wish I could convince them I've changed...."	
	With Tanya still enfolded in his arms Hawk whispered, "You've convinced
me that you're not the person you described yourself as once being. I'll stick
with you for as long as you want." He stopped and Tanya felt him take a deep
sigh, "It's been several years since my family were killed; years I spent in
revenge and solitude. I haven't let myself feel this way towards someone for so
long, and part of me keeps telling me that it's wrong, but..." Hawk took a deep
breath, and looked down at Tanya, into her green eyes, "I guess what I'm trying
to say is that I don't want to lose someone close to me again, but I don't want
to lose you by not expressing my feelings." He closed his eyes, and a lone tear
wound its way slowly down his face as unbidden memories flooded back into his
mind. "Remembering the few short years of happiness I had with my family makes
the pain of their loss almost fade away to nothingness. Whether I die tomorrow
or next year, I would like to share the times to come with you. Helping you
towards your potential may be the thing to make life worth living, taking me
back from the brink and away from my deathwish." Hawk kissed Tanya again, and
whispered so she could only just hear, "Maybe the gods do exist after all."
	"They exist," Tanya said. "That was never in doubt. It's whether we
give them a place in our lives that makes a difference." Tears started in her
eyes as she looked up at the ranger, and reached out a hand to touch his cheek.
"It's your choice, I guess," she said softly, with an attempt at a smile.
"But...." Hawk caught her hand and brings it to his lips.
	"But what?"
	"If I choose to take that path, you *will* lose me - not to death,
but... It might be sooner, it might be later..." There was a pause. "Oh
gods....." Hawk held her close as she buried her face in his shoulder and
sobbed, stroking her hair with a free hand. At last she disengaged herself and
wiped her eyes. "It's already too late, isn't it? If I have the option and I
don't take it, then all of us may die: if I choose to accept it, then I lose
you... worse, you lose someone again..."
	Hawk gently stroked Tanya's hair and kissed the tip of her nose,
"Whether it's five minutes or five years we have together, it'll be worth it.
If you're willing to make the commitment then so am I." He held her close
again, and then, holding her hands in his, he kissed each hand.
	"I hereby renounce the name of Darklord and take up again my given name
of Nightwind. The former name was associated with a time of revenge only, and I
now go back to the man I was before that time." He opened one of the pouches at
his belt and removed a ring. The ring was made of unfaulted jade speckled with
silver, giving the impression of a clear night sky caught in it. Wrapped around
the ring in what appears to be living, green wood, were vines and leaves.
	"It is a custom of my people to exchange gifts of great meaning: this
was the my wife's, and I now give it to you." Gently Hawk placed the ring on
Tanya's finger, held her hands in his, brought them to rest in front of him.
and asked "Tanya, will you take Hawk Nightwind?"
	Tanya opened her mouth to say something, then stopped, and looked
down at the ring for a moment, then up at Hawk, bit her lip and back down at
the ring. After a long while she looked up again, eased the ring off her finger
and placed it in Hawk's palm.
	"Take it, and keep it safe. I'm not going to give you an answer at
least till I've slept on it, and then only if you are still certain you want to
ask me in the morning." She closed Hawk's fingers gently around the ring, then
clasped his hand in both of hers. "This doesn't mean 'no'... I know I want you,
but what I want isn't everything any more, and I need some time to think..."
There was a pause, in which Tanya let go of Hawk's hand, and looked up to meet
his gaze with her own, eyes a green that recalled the colours in the ring he
held. Almost of their own volition, her arms came up to encircle his neck, and
she kissed him, fiercely and passionately...

	The long embrace was interrupted by the sonorous tones of the
temple bell. Tanya pulled away and swore softly.
	"Damn." Her emerald eyes sparkled. "I was enjoying that."
	"What's happening?" asked Hawk.
	"Council starts in a candlemark, and it'll take us half that
to get there..."
	Hawk gently moved a length of hair out of Tanya's eyes, and
winked at her.
	"Let's go see what they want." Then, as they started to leave the
room he added, "And don't think you've gotten away from me that
easily. This ring," he patted the pouch in which he replaced the ring,
"will be here in the morning waiting for you. And with all my heart,
so will I." He smiled again, and kissed her lightly on the cheek.
---
This story is a compilation of a PBeM campaign, by:

	Mark Little ...................	Hawk

	Mike Whitaker ................. GM and, more importantly in this
					episode, Tanya

Back episodes of Midnight's Bane are available by anonymous ftp from:
Machine name: 		quayle.mu.wvnet.edu	
Internet address:  	129.71.32.151