From: jose@csd.uwo.ca (Jose Thekkumthala)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian
Subject: --The Psychology of a Net-Writer-- by Jose
Date: 3 Oct 92 12:15:45 GMT
Distribution: soc.culture.indian
Organization: Department of Computer Science, University of Western Ontario, London


   +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
   +                                           +         
   +   THE PSYCHOLOGY OF A NET-WRITER          +         
   +                                           +                               
   +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
   
To write about a net-writer is a very formidable task. Net-writers
are a very strange breed of creatures who have this irresistible 
urge to log on to their sun system as soon as an idea is conceived.
They are very much prone to constant attacks of high anxiety and
are always in constant fear of somebody else conceiving that very 
same idea and writing. They are ill-reputed to be bad sleepers at
night, continuously having nightmares about another net-writer in
another time-zone writing while they are asleep. They can hardly
wait for the bright morning to set in, bringing forth the 
glorious sun in the sky and the sun system in their office. They
tend to become notorious drivers running the red light in their
panic-ridden morning ride to their computer hidden away in their 
office. There are even rumors that some net-writers became
overnight somnambulists, walking to their office in the middle of
the night, entering their office and silently logging on to the net.

The art of guessing the features of a net-writer 
from what he writes is not yet perfected. I hear that the 
University of Sahara Desert is contemplating introducing this course
in their Computer Science Graduate Program starting in the year
2065. Therefore, as of yet, we are left with no guidelines as 
to how we go about delineating the net-writer characteristics 
from his writings. The state of the art is purely a function of 
the figment of your imagination.

Suffice it to say that there is no group of people in this world,
who is more misunderstood than net-writers. Look at my own surprise
when I realized the grave miscalculation I made in guessing the
features of my net-writer friend as you are going to see. It seems
that there is no correspondence between what a person net-writes 
and what he really is. This hypothesis was proved beyond doubt 
through a comedy of errors that culminated in a high
drama in a Computer Science conference that I attended in the Pacific
city.

I recently attended a net-writers' conference that was again held in
the Pacific city. I was appalled to see that there was no net-writers
union formed yet. Are they awaiting the arrival of a Net-Karl-Marx
to urge them "Net-writers of the World, Unite, because you have
nothing to lose but you net"? I simply do not know. Be that as it
may, I sure hope that time is around the corner when a net-writers
union will be formed. 

I have always been intrigued by how a net-writer will look like when I 
meet him/her (hereinafter referred to as 'him' -- sexism, you may call 
it) and see him face-to-face. It has always been a challlenge to imagine 
how a net-writer will look like, based upon what he contributes 
to the net. If he is anything like what he writes, there are very 
good chances that you have a good guess.

Well, the fact of the matter is that there is a very high probability that 
he is unlike anything he writes.  Let me cite a first-hand experience that
I had recently. 

I met this person through net, corresponded with him through net and 
became buddies. I liked his writing and had admiration for his ideas
and was always eager to read whatever he contributes to the net.
I would say that I was even inspired by his writing. I formed an opinion
about this person - about his physical appearance, that is. He must be
of medium height, of dark complexion, bald, with a beard, always dressing 
carelessly and with an air of a leader, like Gandhi, let us say. 
Cannot be like George Bush. This opinion of mine was 
reinforced day after day through my ceaseless reading of the great man's 
writing. That idea transformed itself into some sort of a conviction. 
I was obsessed with this idea of mine and was hopeful that one day 
I would be able to prove my theory. Hopefully I would meet him 
someday somewhere and prove to myself that I am good in guessing human 
nature from net-writing. If there is an art or science in guessing human 
appearance from net-writing, I probably would be qualified to teach 
it--so I thought.

Well, there was not much chance that I would meet him in this lifetime
and so I was left with only my theory and no way to prove it. I tried to 
forget about this whole idea. I tried to convince myself that this whole 
thought-process is rather silly and that I should better utilize my time 
by doing something more useful like going to horse-race and betting 
head over heels.

Guess what? Imagine my surprise when I saw his e-mail message to me one 
fine morning announcing that he was going to attend the very same computer 
science conference that I was going to attend. I was excited; I was happy.
I told myself that here is a god-given chance to test my theory.

The next three weeks before the conference went like a breeze. I prepared
myself to discuss some of the hotly-debated issues in the SCI with this
person. I wanted to know his views on a multitude of topics. I wanted
to know his views on abortion, on socio-economic policies of the current-day
India, on the Ozone Layer Depletion and Life on Mars. I also wanted to know
his views on Demigods and Black Magic of Kerala and how they influenced 
the ancient Maya civilization. I went to the local
library and borrowed books on almost all topics, including some on the
witchcraft in the ancient Europe, some on the Presidential Impeachment 
Procedure in the USA, some on the UFO and even some on the 
Near-Death-Experience(NDE). I even got some books on the one-eyed, pre-historic
monsters that lived in India before the Vedic times. Also, I studied 
in detail books on Bharathasaur, maternal uncle of Dinosaur, who is 
reputed to have lived in Delhi and occasionally visited Bombay
long before Ramayanam was written. All in all, I prepared myself for 
this meeting with a spirit of a missionary. I would say that my preparation 
for this meeting knew no bounds. In fact, I hardly did any preparation for the
student-paper that I was supposed to present at the conference. I was so
much engrossed in the preparation for meeting this net-writer that I forgot
everything else.

I flew down to the Pacific City and checked in the hotel and eagerly
awaited the morning. Morning will show me this person and I will be meeting
the net-writer at last! I could not wait any longer. I went through the
motions of the supper and TV watching like a machine. I was promptly at
the conference site next morning. I waited and I waited. In my extreme
anxiety, tiny moments underwent relativistic dilatations and I awaited the
encounter for what seemed like an eternity. 

At last he arrived. He was tall, very fair, very jovial. Not bald, Not a trace
of hair in the face. No look of a leader. Elegantly dressed in a Saree.

	"He dressed in a saree?"
	
		"Yes, dressed in a saree!"
		
	"He must be a transvestite!"
	
		"No, he is not"
		
	"Then who is he?"
	
		"He is not a he, HE is a SHE"
		
I was surprised beyond belief. All my theories were disproved beyond 
a shadow of doubt. This person standing in front of me was unlike
anything I assumed about him (hereinafter referred to as "her"; I give
up sexism). 

OK guys, do you remember the mental picture I had about the net-writer? 
If not, here they are:

	" He must be of medium height, of dark complexion, bald, with a beard, 
	  always dressing carelessly and with an air of a leader, like Gandhi, 
	  let us say; and not like George Bush."
	
SHE was not medium height; she was not dark; she was not bald; she 
certainly did not have a beard; she was dressed elegantly in a saree; 
she did not have the air of a leader; she hardly looked like Gandhi; 
if at all, maybe looked like Bush.

Such a sharp contrast! Can net-writing be so misleading? What is it that is
misleading in these bits and bytes carried by the network that disguises the
real personality? Which layer of the network carries the disguising properties?
I really do not have any answer for this, because I almost flunked the 
net-work course I did last semester.

I was perplexed by the intricacies of the net's mind. The dilemma took me to 
a reverie. She came and woke me up from my daydream. She was beautiful and 
one hundred percent feminine. She smiled and said:

	She: "Hi Jose! But I thought that you were a woman. That is the 
		 impression I got from your net-writing. Sorry!"
	
Miracle of the miracles; Surprise of the surprises!! Is this not what is 
called comedy of errors? Here I was expecting a man but finding a woman; 
here she was expecting a woman and finding a man!  It seems that you do 
not find what you seek. Which version of the Bible says that?

	I:   "But I thought you were a man!"
	
My surprise, as I mentioned, was boundless and I was so excited by this
great comedy of miscalculations that I was actually shouting my sentence
to her so loudly that other conference attendees started staring at her
with piercing eyes. They were afraid that she was really he. They were
sending their searching glance all around her to make sure that hidden away 
inside that elegant saree there did not exist body of a man!

She was embarrassed. I apologized for my shouting. I even went to the
spectators and convinced them that she was she and not he. Some of them
were not really sure. Their fervent dedication in staring at my net-friend
may be interpreted as their lingering doubt or as their genuine appreciation
of her beauty. I will never know.

To make the long story short, I gave up my plans to discuss the pre-historic 
man-eating monsters that lived in the Canadian Arctic and their impact on the
current Indian civilization. I even gave up my plans to discuss with her when
the World is supposed to end. Instead, her pleasant company led to some other
mundane topics of discussion. All that preparation that I did to meet my 
net-friend was in vain. I even gave up net-writing. 
      
I sometimes believe that Fate plays funny games with our lives.
He (She?) could not care less what happens to us. (S)he is enacting
a drama which is predestined. Like Shakespeare said:

      Like flies to wanton boys
      So are we to Gods
      They kill us for their sport
      
I am quoting this to emphasize the point that what we think 
and what we aspire may not be what really would happen. Our aspirations
and fond hopes exceed reality. This statement is very 
important in the current context  of our guessing as to what 
net-writers are like. For all we know, one of them
may be a communist impersonating a capitalist and living in the
U.S.A. Another one may be a Buddist monk masquerading as a
graduate student; yet another one may be the incarnation of Elvis
Presley -- I could go on with this list forever. The gist is 
that you never know a net-writer until you really meet him
and see him face-to-face. 

Lucky are the ones who believe after seeing the net-writer. 
In this context, Christ stands corrected as far as his advice 
to St. Thomas goes. St. Thomas was right in believing the 
resurrection only after he saw Christ. I would urge our sci 
readers to be like St. Thomas, to be doubting Thomases
and not make any hurried assumptions about any net-writer until
they really see him in person.

If you ever hear that a SCI net-writer died and resurrected
on the third day, do not believe it until you go and 
check out the facts yourself.

============================================================================
       From My Ivory Tower in the Basement,

	 jose                                          email: jose@csd.uwo.ca
                                                    Dept. of Computer Science
                                                    Univ. of Western Ontario
                                                    CANADA
============================================================================
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