HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: crisper@deeptht.armory.com (Crisper Than Thou)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Some 100-worders
Date: 19 Aug 92 02:05:34 GMT
Organization: The Armory (crisper@armory.com)

------
Francis, having spent his seven years of life an only child, was
 understandably upset when Mommy and Daddy told him there was going
 to be a new baby.

"WHAAAAAAAT?" he shrieked. "NOT FAIR!"

Mommy and Daddy tried to explain to Francis that they weren't going to
 love him any less, but Francis's tantrum worsened and soon he was
 breaking fragile objects.

His parents went into conference.

It came down to two choices, obviously: One, abort the baby to keep
 Francis happy. Two, dispose of Francis and raise the new baby instead.

"You call it, dear," Dad said, flipping a quarter.

------

He awakens. The Pain is still there.
"Morning," it says. "Sleep well?"
He hates the way it smiles. Smug. It knows it kept him up all night.
"Yes," he says, "just fine. And you?"
It responds by crawling back into him, into his gut this time.
He does his best to stand, but the Pain doubles him over.
"Get out of me!" he shouts, toppling a lamp.
It moves into his neck, chuckling the whole way.
He smiles, sensing victory. The bathroom!

"What are you...?" the Pain starts, but it dies as he draws the straight
 razor across his throat.

------

Nikka was saddened to find that, upon reaching the top of the highest
 mountain, the sky was still far out of reach.

An old man approached. "I am unimportant," he said, "but I can help." He
 looked aged and weathered.

Nikka shrugged. "I seriously doubt you. I came to touch the sky, but it is
 still too high, obviously."

The man chuckled. "The sky is all around. Height has nothing to do with
 it," he smiled, and reached out to her hand. "Let me show you."

He pressed her hand against nothing at all.

It felt just like cool water.

------

	--The Elder Dan
	"Blood is thicker than water. And tastier, too!"
Xref: sparky talk.bizarre:26710 misc.test:9845 rec.food.veg:7945
From: warwick@cs.uq.oz.au (Warwick Allison)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,misc.test,rec.food.veg
Subject: Re: Anagram
Date: 20 Aug 92 02:40:18 GMT
Reply-To: warwick@cs.uq.oz.au
Followup-To: talk.bizarre

flash@lopez.marquette.MI.US (Gary Bourgois,Hamshack) writes:
>ajm@wag.caltech.edu (Abner J. Mintz) writes:
>>rpwhite@cs.nps.navy.mil (rpwhite) writes:
>>>Aaron Humphrey says:
>>>
>>>>>I'm just happy that my eail address has only one "s", and Polewka is thus
>>>>>unable to anagram it into a phrase containing Carasso.
>>>
>>>I'm just happy that my email address has no "o" and Polewka is thus
>>>unable to anagram it into a phrase containing Carasso.

>>I'm just happy that my email address has no "r", no "s", and no "o", and      
>>Polewka is thus unable to anagram it into a can containing Crisco.

>I'm just happy that my email address is lopez, and polewka can not have
>lunch with Pancho and Cisco.

I'm just happy that my email address has no "t", a "q", a "z", and 2 "w"'s, so
it cannot anagram to something about Cisco and Punch eating polenta.

(However, with anagram potential like "Hairy shark-goo scumbag", I don't see
 what "Gary Bourgois,Hamshack" is so happy about)


--
Warwick
--
  _-_|\      warwick@cs.uq.oz.au            /Disclaimer:
 /     * <-- Computer Science Department,  /  
 \_.-._/     University of Queensland,    /      void (if removed)
      v      Brisbane, Australia.        /  
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: rigler@galileo.ifa.hawaii.edu (Michael A. Rigler)
Subject: Simple Tasks
Organization: IFA
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 09:13:31 GMT

Date: Mon, 17 Aug 92 23:04:08 HST
From: rigler (Michael A. Rigler)
To: [MY THESIS ADVISOR]
Subject: Progress...


Simon,

	After your response that you would "take a knife to" my
first draft of the paper and get back to me, I did the most efficient 
thing and turned my attentions back to my thesis.

	But you haven't gotten back to me for several days now, and
I'm actually glad of that, because I got the draft out this past 
weekend and took a good look at it and was repulsed.  The thing I 
sent you is pathetic, and you shouldn't have to even look at it, 
much less proof it.  I was in bad shape 1 1/2 weeks ago when I sent 
it to you, and I somehow deluded myself into thinking that it was in 
better shape than it really was.

	Anyway, I hope you haven't wasted too much time proofing it.
I've spent more time on it this past weekend, and I've almost got
a newer more reasonable version completed which you should find 
easier to deal with.  I will forward this to you ASAP (tonight if 
I finish it or tomorrow at the latest). 

							Mike

PS:  None of this is really very hard, Simon.  You've really done
     a wonderful job of educating me.  I can and will finish writing
     this paper, and the rest of my thesis, during whatever brief
     periods of mental coherency are left to me. 

     In case you hadn't noticed, I'm having a slight problem with 
     my sanity, most likely due to working 80+ hours per week w/o 
     vacation for fourteen months (not counting that hospital stint).  
     To put it simply:  my brain no longer focuses properly.  Even 
     the simplest task, like tying my shoes, is


--
Rigler            "If what you say about Mr Carasso is true then maybe the 
                   Shiah should put a death sentence on him (half joking) 
                   and leave Salman Rusdie alone."        -- Colin Dawkins
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: bwatson@nyx.cs.du.edu (bruce watson)
Subject: Re: ROGER DAVID CARASSO: LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MYSELF
X-Disclaimer: Nyx is a public access Unix system run by the University
	of Denver for the Denver community.  The University has neither
	control over nor responsibility for the opinions of users.
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix at U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 92 17:56:07 GMT

In article <l8er91INNmoo@girtab.usc.edu> rone@girtab.usc.edu (Fifty-one Fifty) writes:
>In article <8_3mwl#.rdc@netcom.com> rdc@netcom.com (Roger David Carasso) writes:
>[history of CARASSO deleted]
>>I live with my girlfriend of 9 months in Culver City, in West LA.  I
>>drive an 86 Toyota Corolla.  In March we are going to Israel for a few
>>months.  There is a 20-30% chance we stay there.
>
>
>I lay 10 to 1 odds that carasso's girlfriend forged this post.
>
Probably not if she is only 9 months old.

--
 ___________________________________________________________________________ 
|wats@nyx.cs.du.edu |   "To the extent that it doesn't use mathematics;     |
|   Bruce Watson    |                 it is no science."                    |
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: jfw@jfwhome.FUNHOUSE.COM (John F. Woods)
Subject: Re: BEST IN BED
Organization: Misanthropes-R-Us
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 00:38:52 GMT

In <Bt5Gvv.5pv@news.larc.nasa.gov> kludge@grissom.larc.nasa.gov ( Scott Dorsey) writes:
>In article <1992Aug17.134751.24740@walter.cray.com> nelson@eastrg1.cray.com
>>(Christine Nelson) unwisely writes:
>>which female in t.b would be most likely to get this title?
>I don't believe there is anyone qualified to actually make the judgement,
>since I don't think there is any one person who has slept with all of the
>women in t.b.
>The only reasonable suggestion is that all of the people in t.b sleep with
>all of the females in t.b and render judgements individually, which would
>be averaged.

This, of course, is a classic example of poor experimental design.  Where is
the control population?  Clearly, a proper experiment would be for all of the
people in talk.bizarre to sleep with *all* of the other individuals.  Of
course, it is quite possible that some of the women perform better in groups,
so to collect the minimum data necessary for an answer you can have confidence
in, each individual should sleep with the power set of talk.bizarre members.

>Having a hundred men who (in general) don't know the
>female anatomy from a hole in the ground

A good point.  Make that the power set of concat(talk.bizarre members, a hole
in the ground).

>Therefore, in the meantime, given the slim data that I have, my vote goes
>to Wavey Davey as the best of all t.b females (in bed, of course).

Yes, we know this is the right answer, but we must have proper experimental
data to back it up.  This is SCIENCE, after all.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: cj@eno.wpd.sgi.com (C.J. Silverio)
Subject: Re: Libra Verdi
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.  Mountain View, CA
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 22:46:04 GMT


In article <1992Aug14.134512.7662@cci632.cci.com>, adw@cci632.cci.com writes:
|My mom was a librarian-
|it runs in the blood
|Derrick "Dewey Decimal system" Williams

The Dewey Decimal System sucks.  If you have more than 10 books,
you want the Library of Congress system.  Not that the LoC system
is perfect, either:  computing machines were once a subtopic of
mathematics.  As a result, all of the billions of computer books
are jammed into one section of the QAs.

I wish I could organize my own personal library by the Library
of Congress system.  It would be so definitive.  I would never
have to reorganize, like I did recently.  Well, I had to unpack
all of my books, so I thought I might as well reorganize them.
I spent hours on the project.  It made me very happy.  I love
being anal this way.  I loved being a librarian.

I used to have gay fiction in its own section, just before
anthologies. I folded it in with the rest of the fiction.
Fiction looks like this:
	novels & short stories, alpha. by author 
	poetry 
	plays
	mysteries
	anthologies of each genre at the end of the genre
The SF is still in boxes.  I decided I didn't think enough of
it to put it out on display.

I separate non-fiction this way:
	reference (dictionaries, medical, quotations)
	mushy-mindedness (Tarot, religion, Bibles, psychology)
	drugs
	natural sciences (bird & animal books, garden books)
	food (in the kitchen)
	math
	art (comic books, picture books)
	sex (in the bedroom)

I hope you're all bored to tears now.

---
c j silverio
From: mjd@saul.cis.upenn.edu ("[*] Thomas Pynchon's Little Brother")
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: The wages of Stupidity are Death
Date: 18 Aug 92 16:20:54 GMT
	<fulton.714085049@copper> <1992Aug18.005754.19044@cco.caltech.edu>
Organization: Eaters of Wisdom
In-reply-to: ajm@wag.caltech.edu's message of 18 Aug 92 00:57:54 GMT

In article <1992Aug18.005754.19044@cco.caltech.edu> ajm@wag.caltech.edu (Abner J. Mintz) writes:
>   Well, if you want to be technical, 

I think the word you want here is `obnoxious'.
--

                And for to see, and eke for to be seye
Mark-Jason Dominus 	  			    mjd@central.cis.upenn.edu 
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: al677@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Jerry Cosyn)
Subject: Dr. Cobweb's New Inmate
Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio, (USA)
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 92 16:52:50 GMT


You see, I don't really belong here.  No, really.  Why is everybody smiling
at me like that?  It's just a mistake, really.  I'm supposed to be on a tour
bus, it's probably leaving right now and when they get to the Kitchen
Utensil Hall Of Fame they'll take a head count and I'll be missed.  I really
must be going.
 
I don't want to wear that jacket!  I tell you I don't belong here!  Look at
these people!  Do I look like I should be locked in with them?
 
Ow!  Hey!  What was in that shot?  I don't need any shots!  I'm perfectly
sane I tell you!  I was at a Kiwanis party just the other night, I give to
the United Way, and my socks always match!  You have no right to hold me
here....  Hmmm?  What?  How come the lights are getting dimmer and brighter
all the time?  I feel like I did tee nee yeers ago when sumbudee spiked my
Metamucil hee hee hee where's my room ocifer? I think i'll take that nappy
now...
      .
       .
         ...
From: larne@canetoad.UUCP (Larne Pekowsky)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Inversions
Distribution: world
Date: 20 Aug 92 18:17:08 EDT
Organization: The Satellite of Love

Yesterday, a small volume of space in my living room turned inside
out.  It was under the couch, so no one noticed until Jake (one of our
cats) ran towards it and bumped into himself coming the other way at 
the interface.  He let out a shocked little 'myew!' and we moved the
couch out of the way to see what had surprised him.  It looked like a
small mirrored sphere, although that was only because of the photons
likewise smashing into themselves.

Most people would have been content to just say "Oh look, a topological
anomaly" and leave it at that.  But no, not me.  I had to go get a fork
and start prodding it.

Well of course a small hole opened up in the sphere and sucked me
right in.  I was completely surrounded by myself, but myself inside
out.  If I stretched my neck up I could have licked the bottom of my
feet, and if I stretched my legs I could have kicked myself in the
back of the head.  I was glad I couldn't see my eyes, which were always
below me.  I'm sure my expression was one of horrifically surprised
curiosity, as it usually is on these occasions.

From my roommates' perspective the silver sphere had been replaced by
a red pulsating mass that needs no further description.

Well here was a nasty situation.  I had undergone a major diffeomorphism,
and I had to get to work in twenty minutes.  So I reached out my arms and
grabbed my hands in my other hands (or rather grabbed my other hands in
my hands, if you get the distinction) and pulled.  Hard.  My arms hurt a
bit, but eventually I managed to pull myself through myself and out the
other side.  The sphere imploded with a small 'fworp', leaving me suspended
upside-down a few inches above the floor, looking slightly stupid.

There were no ill after effects, but it hit me a little later that if the
field had been non-uniform I might have ended up in my own stomach.  I
would have hated that.

---
...uunet!canetoad!larne                          canetoad!larne@uunet.uu.net
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: matmcinn@nuscc.nus.sg (Mcinnes B T (Dr))
Subject: WILL RICTUS HEP'S FATHER PLEASE STAND UP?
Organization: National University of Singapore
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1992 04:35:17 GMT

I just can't understand why none of the oldbies has stood up and claimed
to be Rictus' father or creator or spawner or whatever. I mean, somebody
must have started this. I rule out CARASSO since he gets credit for
everything else, Wavey Davey for obvious reasons...maybe it was Ron
Echeverri?
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: adw@cci632.cci.com (Allen Williams (co-op))
Subject: Re: Libra Verdi
Organization: [Computer Consoles, Inc., Rochester, NY
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 13:45:12 GMT

In article <1992Aug11.211621.17771@kakwa.ucs.ualberta.ca> aaron@space.ualberta.ca writes:
>
>I managed once to go a whole month without buying books, and this face being
>demonstrated, felt no need to do so again.  The best I've been able to manage
>is only buying one book for every two that I read.  The normal ratio is more
>like three to one.
>
>I need help.
>

 You need a library card. The books are free at your public library, and
sometimes they have $0.25 a paperback book sales.

      
                                               My mom was a librarian-
                                               it runs in the blood


                                       Derrick "Dewey Decimal system" Williams
From: gj@comlab.oxford.ac.uk (Craig Shergold)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: dream analysis
Date: 15 Aug 92 15:00:43 GMT
Organization: Madeleine Schneider and her Orchestra (Second Fiddles)
X-Current-CD: Carnegie Hall, May 9 1958, Paul Robeson

ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano) wrote:
(  In article <of19g78@fido.asd.sgi.com> cj@sgi.com (C J Silverio)  writes:
 ) >
(  >In article <1992Aug11.223116.4902@uwm.edu>, terri@csd4.csd.uwm.edu writes:
 ) >|cj@eno.wpd.sgi.com (C.J. Silverio) writes:
(  >|>wanted: a tuesday morning conscience of t.b
 ) >|sorry, honey, but i'm usually still recovering from my mondays then.
(  >
 ) >Shit.  t.b will go conscienceless 6 days out of 7 at this rate.
(  
 ) I've been thinking about this problem for a while.  I would offer to be
(  the tuesday morning conscience, but i have to begin work at 7:00 am, and
 ) i'm not willing to get up at 4:00 to read news for an hour or so in order
(  to be the tuesday morning conscience.  So i will put a bid in for being
 ) the wednesday morning conscience, because that is my day off.

That's OK.  Helen can do the Tuesday morning stint for you, being a handful of
timezones West of you she can do your Tuesday mornings after she's done mine.
From: vail@tegra.COM (Johnathan Vail)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: FICKT NICHT MIT DER RICTUS HEP
Date: 13 Aug 92 14:25:54 GMT
Organization: Tegra, Inc., Billerica, MA


"A simpering comes across the sky."
From: reese@vax.oxford.ac.uk
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: rdc,carasso,mathew,cj,moslem,fuck,gypsy,gooley,misc.test,shameful,ssc
Date: 13 Aug 92 13:36:41 GMT
Organization: Oxford University VAX 6620


rdc, carasso, mathew, cj, moslem, fuck, gypsy, gooley, 
misc.test, shameful, ssc


Jason
From: jcoates@ncrsmg.Dayton.NCR.COM (Jim D Coates)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Dancing with Mack
Date: 20 Aug 92 18:18:19 GMT
Reply-To: jcoates@ncrsmg.Dayton.NCR.COM (Jim D Coates)
Distribution: world
Organization: NCR Systemedia Group Headquarters, Dayton (Miamisburg), Ohio

In article <grendel.02lc@canetoad.UUCP> grendel@canetoad.UUCP (Rage y Romance)
writes:
=>--
=>Hello maggots. (Don't take maggots as a bad statement, I call all people I
want
=>to suspend in jello that) I have a small problem that I was hoping some of
the
=>"highly intelligent", beings on t.b. could help me with.  You see last
=>September I was hit by a truck.  I walked away with only a few interesting
=>physical reconfigurations, none of which are noticeable.
=>
=>New physical configuration #1: my ovaries are now located in my butt.
=>New physical configuration #2: my right bra strap will not stay up.
=>
=>Now the only thing that concerns me is that my right bra strap will not
=>stay up.
=>
=>Can the incredibly wise and worthless doctors and physicians of the t.b.
=>(or is that t & a) help me.
=>(Like if I really care...)
=>

A spot of hot melt glue should do the trick.



Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey)
Subject: From _Over 2000 Place Names of Alberta_
Reply-To: aaron@space.ualberta.ca
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 04:15:58 GMT

CRUMMY, lake
   After Flying Officer George K. Crummy, Grande Prairie, killed in World War
   II.

--
---Alfvaen(a.k.a. Aaron V. Humphrey)
"So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts
 what's so amazing about really deep thoughts"
Current Album--Tori Amos:Little Earthquakes
Current Read--Henry David Thoreau:Walden and Other Writings
From: richh@netcom.com (the keeper of the cheese)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Rictus Hep's shocker
Date: 22 Aug 92 19:11:52 GMT
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services  (408 241-9760 guest)

"No dream.  *Are* clouds in my coffee."
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,alt.elvis.sighting
From: cabizon@lims01.lerc.nasa.gov (THOMAS BIZON)
Subject: Re: GOOLEY: I SAW ELVIS
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41    
Organization: NASA Lewis Research Center
Date: 18 Aug 1992 11:05 EST  

In article <1992Aug17.172011.5866@dcc.uchile.cl>, egodoy@dcc.uchile.cl (GODOY VEGA EDUARDO SALVADOR) writes...
>In article <1992Aug16.015724.10819@news.columbia.edu> witte@cunixf.cc.columbia.edu (Breck Witte) writes:
>>
>>
>>
>>I saw Elvis drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Rick's
>>
>>(yes, of course his hair was perfect).
>>
>>/breck
>>
>>
>>
> 
> YES .. and I am Charles Chaplin !! ... Ok. I like Elvis too, but he is dead !!
> 
>-- 
>+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
>|  egodoy@dcc.uchile.cl                 | Ingenieria Civil Computacion      |
>|  Eduardo Godoy Vega                   | U. de Chile.                      | 
>+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+

HEATHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!  UNBELIEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ANTI-ELVIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next you'll try and tell me that Santa is SATAN..........
          (OOooooooops, guess someone else already did)
From: tomf@ai.bunny.gte.com (Tom Fawcett)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Items in my _____
Date: 20 Aug 92 03:16:18 GMT
Reply-To: tomf@gte.com
Organization: GTE Laboratories Inc.
In-reply-to: bower@pecan.cns.udel.edu's message of 19 Aug 92 22:34:22 GMT


I somehow feel responsible for this, but only in the same abstract way that
I'm resposible for the Republican National Convention.
From: ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk (Ken Johnson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: English usage
Date: 18 Aug 92 20:59:50 GMT
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Organization: Bugs-R-Us


In article <1992Aug18.184929.6885@macc.wisc.edu> heim@vms.macc.wisc.edu
(JOHN HEIM ) writes:

#  Anyway, Ken, my problem is that I can't tell if you realized I
#  intentionally used "its" in my reply. 

You got it wrong on purpose, with so much at stake?

Sorry.  It never occurred to me.

>>Blush<<

But I enjoyed writing the post. 


-- 
////  Advice to dieters:          ////  Ken Johnson, A I Applications Institute
////    Never eat more than       ////       80 South Bridge, EDINBURGH EH1 1HN
////    you can carry.            ////                 E-mail ken@aiai.ed.ac.uk
////               -- Miss Piggy  ////     phone 031-650 2756  fax 031-650 6513
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gypsy@alembic.acs.com (hippolyte)
Subject: party trick #1
Organization: the church of the latter-day polish amazons
Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1992 07:07:48 GMT




a few minutes ago, while detaching ice
cubes from the tray, i accidentally
popped one out into my cleavage.

i wonder if i can perfect this trick
by the next BOB?

m
-- 
"...at night they lurk outside the tall barrier staring with curious
 wild eyes into the flat field, feeling cheated." -- Beryl Markham
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: aaron@space.ualberta.ca (Aaron Humphrey)
Subject: Personal to mrx
Reply-To: aaron@space.ualberta.ca
Organization: University Of Alberta, Edmonton Canada
X-Newsreader: Tin 1.1 PL4
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 19:22:05 GMT

Blot Betide Visa Lime.  And...uh...the story must take place in a bar.

<It's getting hard to think up these stupid extra conditions.  Why did I do
this in the first place?  It's AjD's fault.  He should be thinking them up.>

--
---Alfvaen(a.k.a. Aaron V. Humphrey)
"So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts
 what's so amazing about really deep thoughts"  -- Tori Amos
Current Album--Some Kind of Wonderful Soundtrack
Current Read--Henry David Thoreau:Walden and Other Writings
From: drseuss@gorn.echo.com (David Bedno)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: 4 am alarm call
Date: 16 Aug 92 01:55:00 GMT
Organization: Speakers for the Bread

hamlet@ravel.udel.edu (Chris Adams) said: 
-seems my life has recently taken a turn
-for the splendid.
-
-consequently, I'm going to be post-only
-(and infrequently) for a while.
-
-mail me if anything exciting happens.

To quote gypsy: "You're doomed!  You're SO doomed!  I'd hate to be in your
shoes because you're SO DOOMED!"

						can't guarantee the 
						capitalization...

-- 
      David Bedno		   	             drseuss@gorn.echo.com
		"Well shit eat, dude."  - Starcap'n Ra