From: simon@dcs.warwick.ac.uk (Simon Clippingdale)
Subject: Re: Survey
Followup-To: alt.atheism
Organization: Department of Computer Science, Warwick University, England
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 1992 18:22:01 GMT

In article <920818174611_70253.2621_CHC74-1@CompuServe.COM> 70253.2621@CompuServe.COM (Chris & Susan Colvin) writes:

> When you die, where will you go?  (in the ground is not a valid answer)

Heaven, without a shadow of a doubt. This I know for an Indisputable Truth.

> If you were to die today, would you go to heaven?

Yes, certainly. See above. Not that there's a single solitary *shred* of
evidence for this irrational-to-the-point-of-drooling-psychosis belief,
but that's the wonder of faith.

> If you were to die today and God asked you, "Why should I let you into my
> heaven?" What would you say?

Whoa! Why in the heck should I want to go to *his* heaven? It's likely
to be packed full of fundies, anywhere between 144,000 of 'em and a
few billion depending who you believe. No thanks. After a few holy
waters in such stiflingly smug, arrogant, intolerant, oppressive, and
conversationally bankrupt company (c'mon, what are they going to talk
about? Nice here, isn't it? Yes, isn't it? Erm, very nice. Yes. Hmm.
Have you heard the word of Go -- oops, silly me, of course you have.
Ho ho. Yes, nice. Bet it's really nasty in Hell, ho ho. Nice nice nice...)
he'll be knocking on *my* door, because he knows [of course!] that my
post-death whoop will be crawling with the kind of interesting folks
who hang out on all these demonic newsgroups you've crossposted to
(sci.physics?? Don't you get alt.judas.priest.backwards??).

Then we'll see if he has any *damn*good* doorstep apologies for the
notorious "Numbers 31 Incident" at that last desert party to offer
my massacred Midianite party guests, who are still *much* less than
impressed and talk frequently of beating him to a justifiably fine
paste given half a chance.

> What is my "agenda" for asking these questions?  Just curious.

Yup, sure thing. Why is it that screaming fundies feel the need to
pretend to be "just curious", the smug bastards? Oh, not that I'm
implying that *you* are screaming fundie smug bastards of course.
Just a casual and couldn't-care-less observation. I really don't
give a flying one, honest. Yeah, that's it.

"Chris & Susan Colvin", huh? Joint Compuserve account? Nice. Recently
married? Was it a wedding present? "This one cooks toast, that one
makes the coffee and this one's to help you evangelise the wicked".
Find each other through "Findafoama Fundieline"?

Can I suggest that now you're married, have presumably acetylened off
the armour plated genital shields and figured out which bits of each
other are which (careful there Chris, they're pretty close together
aren't they), you indulge in more catching up on all that sex you've
missed and less posting of vacuous crap to inappropriate newsgroups?
Or are you bored with each other already?

Just curious. And in a particularly obnoxious mood.

> Bye,
> CDC

Are you by some chance related to the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta?
Do they know that you're spreading brain-destroying parasitic memes?

Followups set to alt.atheism.

Cheers

Simon
-- 
Simon Clippingdale                simon@dcs.warwick.ac.uk
Department of Computer Science    Tel (+44) 203 523296
University of Warwick             FAX (+44) 203 525714
Coventry CV4 7AL, U.K.            or 0203 etc. if you're in the sunny UK
Newsgroups: alt.evil,alt.pagan,soc.motss,rec.games.frp,alt.atheism,alt.religion.emacs,talk.religion.misc,talk.religion.newage,sci.physics