From: alok@cbnewsi.cb.att.com (alok.vijayvargia)
Subject: Re: age of "control"?
Organization: AT&T
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1992 14:38:51 GMT

In article <1992Sep27.201450.11787@midway.uchicago.edu>, moh2@quads.uchicago.edu (Kateri/Mary Anne) writes:
> 
> You should consider the reasons these kids are too spoiled.  Is it
> perhaps because they're a) over-protected? b) not allowed to make
> their own decisions? c) closeted within the Indian community?
> 

Over-protected - YES, not allowed to make their own decisions - MAY BE,
DEPENDS ON THE PARENTS and THE MINOR as well as the EXTERNAL WORLD around
them, closeted within the INdian community - YES.
> 
> (Total side note:  This may well be a reason more liberated Indian
> women don't date Indian guys....they have given up all right to them
> by traditional rules...and they never know whether the next Indian guy
> they meet will be shocked and horrified to find out that they've dated
> Americans.  It's easier to avoid Indian guys altogether.)

I don't think to avoid Indian guys altogether is a good idea. You never
know the next Indian guy may be the guy of your dreams ...

You would be surprised to know that after dating American, Indian as well
as girls/women of other nationalities, I finally ended up marrying
an INDIAN girl from INDIA, just a few months back !

> But the problem many of us run up against is that Indian parents often
> assume that all American men are 'shady, illicit and rotten'.  

This certainly is not right on part of the parents. Not all parents
however assume that. 

> It's difficult to persuade them otherwise when they refuse to meet the
> Americans, but simply lay down ultimatums.

Well, I can understand why Indian youth are so upset on their parents.

> Alok, you seem to feel that your restrictions are reasonable ones -
> but so do they.  You've said several times that one must draw the line
> somewhere - I think that's where our difference lies.  As long as you
> are drawing a line, you are laying down laws that will seem arbitrary,
> and may well be.  I feel that a parent should feel free to give advice
> on any issue, but they should be aware that the child may not listen -
> whether the child is 12, 16, 18, or 21.
> 

Well, I agree with your sentiments here, however a parent is
still responsible for a minor and drawing the line in accordace with
the laws of the society we are living in is quite prudent.

Now if you want to change the laws of USA and make the age of
termination of parental responsibility to be less than 18,
I may change my position on this issue.

> >Also the issue was more to do with how far one goes on a date.
> >If she sleeps around with everyone she dates, I certainly would object.
> >Since to me, this indicates that she does not know what or who she wants.
> 
> Careful, your prejudices are showing.
> Maybe she wants to sleep with everybody she dates.

I wonder what you would do assuming you were the mom of this hypothetical
daughter and she wants to go for an orgie session next ?

> >> the point being that setting arbitrary age limits is unreasonable
> >> and talking, listening, and finding out what people you
> >> trust have to suggest necessary.  but ultimately, most decisions are
> >> left to the individual.................at any age.
                                            ^^^^^^^^^^
The part 'at any age' is what I still object to.

> >BS. I think you will understand only when you yourself become a parent.
> 
> I have to agree with Purna.  Unless you are planning to use physical
> force on your child, they *will* make their own decisions...and this

I am NOT planning to use force. I am simply going to stop patronizing
the child (if legally possible, even divorce the child :-)

> is a healthy thing.  How will they be able to make crucial adult
> decisions when they have no practice with less difficlut decisions?

Now that is a good argument after all that zazz. Okay, I will permit
certain decisions on trial basis to be solely made by the minor.

Enlighten me - what decisions would a minor like to make on his own ?

> 
>  - Amirthi
> 
> >Alok
> >> peace,
> >> -purna

Alok
Newsgroups: alt.culture.us.asian-indian