From: bearcub@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Bob Koenig)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: Age-ism and the gay community
Date: 19 Dec 1992 02:12:44 GMT
Organization: University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee
Reply-To: bearcub@csd4.csd.uwm.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: 129.89.7.4
Originator: bearcub@csd4.csd.uwm.edu

From article <1992Dec18.021033.13179@bsu-ucs>, by 00bbharris@leo.bsuvc.bsu.edu:
> 
> 	I get tired of individuals who assume that because i am my age that i
> act my age.  I am 18 yrs. old.  But i do not act immature!  Nor are my 
> interests solely within the generation i just happened to be born in. I
> have had the... priviledge of attending a gay bar, once and met two 
> wonderful gys there (at different times, people!).  One of them found out i
> was 18 and realized it didn't matter.The other freaked out, even after dating
> me for three weeks and seemingly enjoying my company.  

Well, because mostly ALL of my experience has been with an older man(I'm 19,
20 in February...and he's 45), I haven't had the priviledge to go to a gay
bar and deal with this situation. It seems to me though,that the man who
"freaked out", was obviously not looking for youth. Age is not a matter of
maturity, in my case. I feel that because all of my "gay experience" and a lot
of my social endeavors are with men who are older than me(some more than
others), it has made me grow up a lot faster than normal, and all of it has
been positive for me. Not to mention that I really don't look 19, thanks to
a ever growing beard and mustache. It has been helped by being in love with
this man, too. Being with him helps me keep in line. I hate to think about
the depressing attitude I used to have before I met him.

> 	Why is the criteria for gay men over the age of 21 is to find a man
> over the age of 21?  Why must they assume that i am too immature for them?
> Is it the same way with gay women (sorry, i hate the term 'lesbian')?Why must
> age really matter in a relationship if the two consenting individuals within
> reasonable and legal boundries and really care for each other and enjoy the
> mere prescence of one another?  Maybe it's that impracticality, if yo will,
> that signifies my immaturity and my substantial unattractiveness to those 
>older gay males. If so, excuse me, maybe I need to grow up abit more.
> 	This is not a bitch-bitch-moan-moan-gripe-gripe- letter so please don't
> respond accordingly.I just really want to know why this sort of Age-ism exist
> within the gay community.  As oppressed as we are as a whole, why would we in
> turn suppress another group for something we cannot help.  
> 	Then, again, I could ask that to my peers on why must all older gay
> males be trolling just because they go to a bar or what not?  
> 	Please, help me understand this nonsense.

>	I wouldn't use the word "criteria". This is another situation that I
can't address TOO well. At the time that my daddybear and I met(let's see if
I get the story right)..he supposedly wasn't "looking". We were sort of "set
up" in a weird way. Loooong story. I was still a bit dazed and confused, and
wasn't technically "looking" either. When the time came, it clicked. There
were no age-hang-ups between us. A LOT of my straight friends who I came out to
and told that I was in love with a 45 year old said "WOW!" most of the time.
Some of them tried the philosophy of "a need for a fatherly influence". 
BULLSHIT. I am as close to my dad as any son would be, and most of my "traits"
and interests follow his. We are both big into the music world, we both share
talent in art, and share quite a lot of knowledge. I love my dad very much.
	The moral of the story is...I love this man. Emotionally, mentally,
physically. It seems like a "father-son" relationship, only because of age.
We are both self supportive(him more than me...he's been on this earth 25 years
longer than I have,...what do you expect?) and I don't "depend" on him like a 
son would. We play along with the "age thing" with nicknames like "daddybear"
and "bearcub" mainly because it's so fitting. If I were in my 40's or he were
in his early 20's, it obviously would be a lot different. But, alas...love 
knows no boundaries. :)

					*warmbearcubhugs*


				Bearcub/Ursa-minor/HuskyCub/The other BBC :)

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