From: idx009@cck.coventry.ac.uk (the Crisco Kid)
Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Re: The War Between Us (Long)
Keywords: *DeFlower* ME will you...
Date: 31 Jul 92 14:54:13 GMT
Organization: Eris's Restaurant

In article <1992Jul30.212047.4698@menudo.uh.edu> cullen@tree.egr.uh.edu (Caleb Cullen) writes:
>[uh.edu is in Houston, Texas]

Rats.  Oh, I hate the Atlantic, I really do.  Why on earth Erik, Amerigo
and Cristobal couldn't have just sailed in the other directions and founded
America in, say, Belgium is entirely beyond me...

>Most of my close friends have been supportive of me (again - I speak from  
>personal experience because I have no other eperience to draw from.  I  
>haven't been around very long...).  Others have been critical (as opposed  
>to hostile) making interesting faces or saying things like "Oh, you're  
>just horny.  You'll get over it."  Before I came out people would tell me  
>about other people who "said they were bisexual" as if they didn't believe  
>it.  Some people apparently believe that a person must be either "gay" or  
>"Straight," to them bisexuality is a period of experimentation (or  
>something.  I obviously didn't (perhaps I should) sit down with them and  
>discuss their biases.)

So people are weird.  Try dealing with the critical folk by saying
"Oh yeah - so what do you know about bisexuality?"  Then wave a copy
of something like "Bisexual Lives" at them after they've ground to
a halt and tell them to read, mark, and inwardly digest some facts
about it.

Yeah, I'd discuss their biases with them - but that's me: I've been
around long enough, and have such a huge bunch of bi and bi-friendly
folk to support me, that I'm perfectly OK about doing that.  I'd just
make sure that you have some support (cups of tea and hugs and listening
ears, in my case) before you go tackling heavy no-brainedness.

>I merely dislike the general image of bisexuals: [here's my old  
>stereotype] men who are married but bored with their wives so they have  
>sex with other men on an irregular and non-serious basis.  I know this is  
>*wrong*  But sometimes I can see this in people's eyes as they look at me  
>when I say to them, "I'm bisexual."  

Tell them about female bisexuals.  Tell them about unmarried bisexuals.
Tell them about people who have sex with men and women on regular or
serious bases.  Tell them about us all.

And - try not always to be angry with them for being wrong.  It's hard
to be right when you haven't been being told the truth.  I guess most
folk hold honest misconceptions rather than malice in their hearts.

>>I generally
>>find that "I'm bi" conveys enough of my sexual preference for people
>>to decide whether they want to find out the finer detail.  And there is
>>plenty of fine detail, for all of us: everyone's sexuality, not just
>>that of bifolk, is a complex and intricate thing (I suspect it's got
>>a high irrational Hausdorff dimension :)).
>
>I can see that.  It's a personal difficulty of mine to always want to tell  
>people everything about me.

<grin>  OK, then, over to e-mail with you and tell me all about it... :)

>>  In my experience, there's a pretty broad mix, and it's
>>  getting broader all the time.  Perhaps in earlier days
>>  there was a *high*-end bias - most of the people I knew
>>  as bi then were fairly activist, and had learned their
>>  activism in the lesbian and gay liberation movements, as
>>  I did - but that seems to be levelling out nowadays.
>>  But that's only my experience, based in the UK: I don't
>>  know where 'uh.edu' is...
>That's good to know.  As may have already become obvious I don't know any  
>other bisexuals (or gays) very well.  I haven't thought of myself as  
>bisexual for long, but I think about it constantly now.

Heck.  Brave man.  Much respect to you.  Welcome aboard the Good Ship
Venus'n'Mars...

Texas doesn't spring to mind as the bisexual centre of anything (face it,
it's Edinburgh or nowhere :)) - Help, anybody, is there a good supportive
GLBO* group anywhere near Caleb?

Of course, if you're rich enough, there's always the UK's 10th National
Bisexual Conference in Norwich at the end of August, and the International
Bisexual Conference in London in October...

>What I worry about most though, is not being thought of as "gay enough" by  
>gay men.  Being bisexual shouldn't mean that -only- bisexuals will be  
>attracted to me.  I suspect my worst fear is that, because I'm bisexual,  
>gays will tell me they can't trust my commitment enough to become involved  
>with me.  [Insecurity strikes again]  This is certainly not true of me, so  
>either I have a warped view of reality [not unlikely] or the image of  
>bisexuals in gay -as-well-as- heterosexual circles needs changing.

You'll get it in the neck both ways.  You're too gay to be straight, or
too straight to be gay, depending on the prejudices of the prejudiced.
Yeah.  I know this all too well: even though Justin's madly in love
with me, he still gets the horrors that I might need or want to have sex
with a woman.  I don't understand it; why he's not worried that I'll
ditch him for another man is strange - or perhaps he just hasn't got round
to talking about that one yet :(

I haven't seen anything too warped in your views yet.  On the contrary,
you seem to have a good head and a warm heart.  Keep with it.

>>And thanks for being listenable-to.  De-muffin?  <hug> <slurp> <lick>
>><smooch> <nibble> <stroke> <kiss> <nuzzle> <soft-cheese-on-the-nipples>
>>and all that... :)
>And that's the other thing I like about reading soc.bi.  The welcome wagon  
>is *soo* welcome.  Maybe I should say I'm a muffin again...

Muffin? muffin? anyone say muffin? <hug> <lick> <smoo..> Oh, you bad boy,
you've been in the queue before, haven't you?  Trying to get a double
portion of welcome isn't fair, you know... maybe I'll just have to teach
you the error of your ways... did someone mention a good tongue-lashing? :)

>A hug and a smooch, a stroke and a nibble, a lick-slurp-bite to you too!

Yum!

>>Deflowerer-of-innocents
>Deflower me!  Deflower me!

Awwwww.... can't reach.  [see comment on "Atlantic"].  Pity.

		mad, bad, and tasty
		Kay
-- 
6'2", dark short hair, blue eyes, bisexual and horny as ....
Kay Dekker, Dept of Industrial Design, Coventry University, Coventry UK
37 Old Winnings Road, Keresley Village, Coventry   |B0 f t+ g++ k++! s+ e r p!
Phone: +44 203 838668 (work) +44 203 337865 (home) |Deflowerer-of-innocents