Newsgroups: bit.listserv.ashe-l
Date:         Thu, 21 Jan 1993 15:59:00 EST
              <ASHE-L@MIZZOU1.BITNET>
From:         GILBERT KLAJMAN <KLAJMAN@APOLLO.MONTCLAIR.EDU>
Subject:      I Found Pro-Forma--here it is!

                            Pro Forma
               The Magazine for the Busy Academic
Volume 1, Number 1                                     June, 1992


A new journal devoted to those who do not have time to read it. No
articles - no commentary no book reviews!  All sections can be read
in less time than it takes to advise the average undergraduate
student.

Here are some of the topics and sections to appear in the first
issue:

Legal Advisor:  "Don't Publish - Don't Perish: Creative Litigation
and Tenure"

The Art of the Conference:

     "Being a Discussant Without Reading the Papers"
          *Opening remarks for every session "These papers
          admirably demonstrate both the strengths and weaknesses
          of the field today."  "It is nice to see that some people
          can still get interested in this topic."
          *10 French names that intimidate
          *10 all-purpose long summary sentences with no content
          *The art of academic flattery through easy key words
          "seminal, pathbreaking, essential, fundamental....."

     "The All-Purpose Abstract"
          *Just fill in five blanks and this abstract works in any
          discipline, for any conference.
          *Abstracts that describe any paper you later write
                Postmodern, Positivist, Critical, Feminist

     "When You Just can't write the Paper - Creative Withdrawls
     from the Program"

Easier Publishing:

     "Citation analysis : Journals in your discipline that are
     desperate for papers"

     "Ins and outs of repeat publishing - change that title!"

     "One paper - eight foreign Graduate students - eight
     translations - eight foreign publications - all in six
     months!"

The Tenure and Promotion File:

     "How to form or join a citation circle"
          *agreements that multiply your entries in the annual
          citation index by 10
     "Make a 1-page comment count the same as a book
     "Obscure journals that sound important
     "5 ways to get your book accepted without review"
     "Getting good letters from people who don't know you"

The Pro Forma Bookshelf

     "100 One-Line Current Book Summaries"
          *Allows you to freely cite pages, without buying or
          reading the book!
          *Easy-to remember critiques for conversation or class
          *Classified by discipline
          *Rated for political correctness by our panel

     "Boilerplate - A New Computer Program that Writes Half of your
     Monograph"

     "Classics in Your Discipline"
          *Survey reports how many of your colleagues have actually
          read the classics in your field

Cooperation Column:

     Co-Authorship Exchange
          *Have Data, Need Theory
          *Have Theory, Need Data

Washington Buzzword Watch:
     Regular updates from the Beltway Bandit
     What is Hot in NSF and NEH Panels this year
     Trends in Cross-Disciplinary Buzzword Transmission


Plus! These new columns to appear in the next issue:
     Advising Timesavers
     Dissertation Defenses without Preparation

Advertisers
     Submission Services International
          We reformat and resubmit until you get accepted!
          Thousands of journals on our lists!

     Data Recycling Central
     Don't throw that old data away! We have buyers for good pre-
     owned data sets, lab notes and interview transcripts!

FINALLY, SOME REALLY USEFUL ADVICE ON HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE
ACADEMY!!
*****************************************************************
Daniel A. Ponech
Laurier University
From:         daniel ponech 957 g
<dponech4%MACH1.WLU.CA@UMCVMB.missouri.edu> Subject:      Pro Forma
X-To:         ashe <mamut!ashe-l%umcvmb.BITNET@UTORUGW.BITNET>
To: Multiple recipients of list ANTHRO-L <ANTHRO-L@UBVM>
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU