From: awrc@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Al Crawford)
Newsgroups: rec.music.industrial
Subject: Re: help with readnews
Date: 21 Aug 92 09:50:24 GMT
Reply-To: awrc@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Al Crawford)
Organization: The University Of Edinburgh - Department Of Computer Science

In article <1992Aug20.095250.14658@ists.ists.ca> sizone!justin@ee.ryerson.ca (Justin Wells) writes:
>
> I'm trying to figure out what the regular expression is that matches
> idiots who think they know something about industrial music, even though
> they just discovered it 2 years ago.

Ah, so there's an official learning curve now, is there? Hmmm. Well, since
I didn't buy an album that could even be *remotely* considered industrial
(Cabaret Voltaire's _The Covenant, The Sword And The Arm Of The Lord_)
until approximately the December of 1989 i.e. a mere two years and eight
months ago, I guess I'd better refrain from posting any more lest I commit
the sacrilege of posting without the official Justin @ Really Cliched "Oh
what A K00l Cyberpunk D00D I Am" Organisation seal of approval. After all,
if someone who's only been aware of the genre for two years is an idiot, I
must still be at the drooling imbecile stage, yes?

So how much longer do I have to wait until I get this much sought-after
accolade, the Booker Prize of rec.music.industrial, huh, huh? Do I get the
official "I Know Something About Industrial Music" metal pin and magic
decoder ring too? Or maybe it's the case that, simply because I've not been
listening to the music as long as he has, I may never aspire to the heights
of Justin's industrial godliness, let alone his gargantuan intellect and
rapier-like wit.

So how do we define having listened to the music long enough to post with
any authority? Well, presumably for starters we have to rule out anybody
who hasn't been around as long as the music has. So, if we take Year Zero
as being 1977 or thereabouts, if you're under 15 you can just forget it. Of
course, I personally wasn't particularly into the likes of Throbbing
Gristle at age 9, and neither I'd imagine were many people so even if we
allow for precocious individuals who were humming along to _Second Annual
Report_ at age 10, no-one under 25 is permitted from saying *anything*
about industrial music, in any shape or form, on pain of pain.

Perhaps we should extend the ethnic cleansing of rec.music.industrial
rather further, to clear out the riff-raff? Anyone who doesn't fit the
correct visual image perhaps? Not got a suitably K00L haircut and multiple
body piercings? Up against the wall. Glasses? Well, I'm afraid that unless
they're multi-faceted mirrorshades or part of a VR headset then you'll have
to go too. Yes, I know Mr Earle, you *are* over the age limit, but it has
to be said that those glasses of yours are *not* officially sanctioned by
The Department Of Industrial Cleansing. Just stand over there next to Mr
Crawford, who not only is too young and inexperienced in matters industrial
to know what he's talking about and must thus be removed for his own good,
but is also about as far from the Psycho-Techno-Killer-Cyberdweeb From Hell
image as it's possible to get. I mean, that guy once even mistakenly
cross-posted a *Thompson Twins* review to rec.music.industrial. He's not
just going to get shot, no sirree, we're gonna make him *suffer* a bit
first.

Right, anyone who doesn't mosh properly? Join the queue. Ever posted about
NIN? Well, I'm afraid that you're to be flayed alive before being shot, so
if you'll just stand aside for the moment. Hmmm, crossposting to alt.rave,
mis-spelling Einstuerzende Neubaten, join the queue. Right, that seems to
be everybody for the moment.

<BANG>

--
			Al Crawford - awrc@dcs.ed.ac.uk
	  Department Of Computer Science, The University of Edinburgh
   Rm 1410, JCMB, Kings Buildings, Mayfield Rd, EDINBURGH, EH9 3JZ, Scotland
	     Tel: +44 (0) 31 650 5165  Fax: +44 (0) 31 667 7209
Newsgroups: rec.music.industrial,alt.rave