Organization: Current Science Tel: +44 71 323 0323 Fax: +44 71 580 1938
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.words-l
Date:         Wed, 11 Nov 1992 20:52:36 GMT
From:         Graham Toal <gtoal@CURSCI.CO.UK>
Subject:      Wayward Pulpit
Comments: To: Words-L and the Bandwidth Hogs <words-l@uga.cc.uga.edu>

In the style of our old Quote for the Day, I thought I'd start a
daily Bible lesson.  Just to show that even us heathens know our
Bible, and often find a lot of wisdom in it.

A little gem from 1st Corinthians (11:14)

 "Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long
 hair, it is a shame unto him?"

Oh dear.  Neal, I hope you're listening.  Off with his tail!  (I love
arguments from nature.  Go tell it to the baboons...)

However, Deuteronomy is where the *real* fun starts...

22:5
 "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither
 shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto
 the LORD thy God."

Hmmm... is this about crossdressing or just normal clothes?  I guess if they
had enough queers in biblical days to be worth pronouncing on they must have
had a few TVs too...  I mean, it couldn't possibly be suggesting that Ruth
was an Abomination unto the LORD (hmmm.  where have I heard that line before?)
just because she wore slacks at the 'bake.  I'm sure it can all be interpreted
away without giving any christians sleepless nights...


22:30
 "A man shall not take his father's wife, nor discover his father's
 skirt."

   We'll need Bill's help on this one.  Even *I* don't think this means
you're not supposed to find out about your old Dad's bit on the side :-)
It probably means you're not supposed to embarrass him by lifting up
his skirt.  (Toga, Kilt, call it what you will.  Those old guys didn't
wear trousers after all.)  Hey!  Ruth - you're saved!  I got it wrong
- it isn't *women* who're supposed to wear skirts, it's men.  Though I
guess if women do, they're an abomination unto the Lord again...)

Actually Deuteronomy cuts up pretty rough after this... (time to pretend
we didn't read the 'Thou shalt not kill' line...)

22:22
 "If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then
 they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the
 woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel."

Ouch indeed.  (Bit confusing actually since four verses later it says
 "But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no
 sin worthy of death")

Tsk tsk.  I'm quoting out of context again.  That was actually prefaced
by...
22:25
 "But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force
 her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die."

Let me get that straight.  A woman is spared the death penalty (for
being the victim of a rape) _only if_ she was engaged to someone?  A
single woman or a married woman gets the chop?  Ie it's the violation
of the man's property rights that warrant the death penalty, not the rape?
Ho hum.

Still, death's too good for the rapist.  He'll still go to heaven
that way.  Now here's something *truly* evil that's guaranteed to
keep you out of heaven...

23:1
 "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off,
 shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD."

(I don't need Bill to tell me what the 'stones' were in Greek.  I think
we'd probably say the 'marbles' ;-))

Pity those poor choir boys in the Vatican.

But it gets better!  The morality of this age doesn't let up... What was
that line about the sins of the fathers not being visited on the sons? ...

23:2
 "A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to
 his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD."

Oh well.  That was New Testament, this is old.  It's only a few die-hards
who insist on swallowing *both* testaments.  Mind you, I'm quite flummoxed
to know what someone who obeys all the NT makes of that instruction Tony
posted saying that you're not to skip a single dot or comma in the old
laws...  It must be hard, being a Christian who takes the Bible literally.
It's enough to drive a man to drink.

Which, incidentally, is where I'm off now.  Cheers, everyone.

G