From: lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Commitment--The C-word?
Date: 25 Aug 92 21:20:16 GMT
Organization: Silicon Graphics, Inc.

In article <Q4D6TST@netmbx.netmbx.de>, rickk@netmbx.netmbx.de (Rick Kuhlbars) writes:
|> In article <1992Aug25.130303.9137@cbnewsd.cb.att.com> nance@cbnewsd.cb.att.com (nancy.l.colucci) writes:
|> >In article <1992Aug24.212416.4644@odin.corp.sgi.com> lana@magenta.corp.sgi.com (Lana Mountford) writes:
|> >>
|> >>I discovered that if I was going to be happy, I'd have to make MYSELF happy
|> >>by making choices that were right for me, and not try to live according
|> >>to someone else's script.  That realization changed my life, very much for
|> >>the better!  :-)
|> >
|> >Thank you Lana.  Very much.
|> 
|> Excuse me, but one would think that this would be standard procedure, but
|> it isn't. Try looking for a woman that thinks along the lines above.
|> Seems that every woman you meet opens up along the lines of "mold me the way
|> you like."  

Rick, I used to be this way myself.  It nearly killed me.  Trying to play
"chameleon" just doesn't work in the long run, because ya lose sight of
who you really are.  Part of my problem was that my ex wouldn't tell me
what it was he wanted -- he just let me know in no uncertain terms when
he didn't like something about me.  I would dutifully try to change to
fit what I *guessed* he wanted.  If that didn't work, I'd try something
else.  I finally got tired of trying.  That's why I'm no longer married,
and why I'm MUCH happier now.

|> While I appreciate this open systems approach in computers
|> it does not fit into my personal life.  I have my goals in life (which do
|> include things you can only do together) just like every other person and
|> a woman that has her clear path can be an excellent partner in life (and
|> vice versa of course).  Problem is, these type of woman are hard to find.

Hmmmm ... perhaps.  And again, it may be an "age thing."  I dunno, though.
A lot of women I know are like me (admittedly, most of us are in our
late-30s/early-40s, and are the products of at least one failed marriage).
I think it takes a certain amount of life experience to get to this point,
perhaps.  I'm curious whether a younger (<30 yrs old) woman who grew up with 
a mother who is this way might also exhibit these characteristics?

|> I'm not saying two people should do what they want in a relationship, but
|> two happy people are of to a great start when they find each other.

Agreed.  I'm a firm believer that unless I'm already a "whole person," I
don't have much to offer anyone.  I really feel sad for those who feel
they aren't "whole" unless they're in a relationship.

|> Anyway, while we all can say smart things with a clear mind on the net,
|> what happens when  the "michael bolton" effect occurs?  All we do is hope
|> it happens with the right person.  Sure, you can hold back your feelings
|> to an extent, but is chemistry meant to be approached with rationale? 
|> 

I'm not sure what you mean by the "'michael bolton' effect.".  It's 
unlikely that I'll feel any chemistry with someone who isn't "right" 
for me.  
-- 

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|    /)                      | Lana Mountford    
|   / /  __    ___    __     | Silicon Graphics  
|__(_/__(__)\__/  )__(__)\__ | Mountain View, CA 
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