From: rrp@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (rakesh.r.patel)
Subject: Re: The Gundekota File: I am from India So I Need a Date
Organization: AT&T
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 19:21:08 GMT

In article <1992Aug13.182426.19805@Firewall.Nielsen.Com> mgundeko@pcserver2.Naitc.Com (Murthy Gundekota) writes:
>
>
>The Gundekota File-Entry#5: I am from India So I Need a Date
>============================================================
>
>
>This is what I need. A date for every evening, starting today, until
>I get married on January 1st, '93 of this year. By the way, I also need a
>bride to get married on January 1st, '93. I know SCI is the right place
>to advertise. What else is there? Okay, I know India Abroad. Do you
>know how much those news suckers charge? $0.25 per word! Can you
>imagine the cost of this message in In-die A-Broad? Wait until I
>finish typing. I've only just started. 
>
>I called In-Die A-broad (212-929-2392) and told them I am going to fax
>some advertisement material to them and I need the price on it. Fine.
>So I faxed the following info:
>
>``Howdie, In-Die A-Broad Readers! I need an Indian babe to horse
>around. I am a male, several years younger than 30, several inches
>taller than 5', several pounds below 140, several grey pixels on
>white, covered with a skin from head to toes, having a nice supportive
>crouch, with feet firm on the ground, glossy hair, teeth recently
>ordered in the dentist's, eyes only a month ago certified as 20/20
>with no color blindness for vision into bedroom through closed blinds,
>a moustache to curl up on any pussy cat, side-burns barely visible to
>meet American standards, ears large enough to provide lip-sucking
>erotic zones. I am also a writer, tennis player, advanced degree
>holder, as though they all were taught in one class room. I rarely
>fall sick because there are no girls in my neighborhood. I like walks
>on the lake when the seagulls are not flying, feeding and pooping
>simultaneously. I enjoy sitting under the stars when the bars aren't
>open and I am alone without a date. When Wal-Mart closes I make my own
>home brew. Also, I am an excellent cook. To be honest, when my food is
>burning, it is only my poems that are cooking. I need help in this
>area. I love fish. I hate dogs because they are too conscious of their
>right to poop anywhere. I dislike cats because they are too
>promiscuous. Do you know someone who is like me? If so, please
>call me. I am in the area code 708 listed as my first name. By the
>way, I hate arranged marriages.''
>
>Guess what that Bahai guy who answered my call that afternoon quoted
>for the ad? $154. I ran to my banker and apologised for lying about
>my bachelor status. 'Cos now I need a loan to get married.
>
>There is no point in advertising in In-Die A-Broad, is there? One day
>I grabbed courage and picked up the phone to respond to an ad in
>In-Die A-Broad that read as: ``Systems Analyst looking for compatible
>husband.'' Boy am I blessed? It is a miracle to see an ad by an Indian
>without the mention of caste, creed and organ sizes. This is truly a
>once in a nerd moon opportunity. So I call. A guy answers the phone.
>He sez his name is Bhutia. I say, ``Are you the one trying to get
>married?'' ``No it's my daughter.'' ``Then, why didn't you say so in
>the ad.''  ``Then, you won't call.'' All right, smart aleck, ``Let me
>talk to your daughter.'' ``Not so fast sunny, talk to me. Get to know
>me.''  ``Get to know you? But why?'' You are an old hag. ``But I am
>the father a young, beautiful, professional girl.'' ``Okay, fil. Tell
>me what you need. I don't have much money in the bank. I spent it all
>on my sports car. Those damned Mitsubishi dealers.'' ``Not to worry.
>Send me your picture. Tell me first what you are made of.'' ``I am
>bone, fiber and serum. I swear. I am real.'' ``What do you do for
>living?''  ``Same things as your daughter.'' ``She models for a tampon
>commercial.'' ``Well, I once worked with condoms.'' ``Do you have a
>house?'' ``Yeah, my father currently owns it.'' ``What's your monthly
>salary?'' ``Same as your daughter.'' ``My daughter volunteers for a
>day care center.'' ``Well, sometimes I volunteer during nights.'' ``Do
>you smoke?'' ``Depends on what you mean. I don't smoke tobacco.'' ``Do
>you drink?'' ``No need to answer that question. I don't believe in
>Morarjin.'' ``Do you eat meat?'' ``I love human flesh. I wear it
>myself.'' ``All right, send me your picture. If we like you, we don't
>send it back.'' ``Does that mean if you don't like me, you will send
>it back?'' ``No. We've already spent hazar money on the ad.'' ``Okay,
>then. Now can I talk to your daughter?'' ``Oh, she is in India. Do you
>want to call her?'' Click.
>
>You have to love the interaction with the girl's father if you aren't
>complaining about the phone bill. Here is a trick: if someone sez they
>spent hazar money on the ad, tell them your wallet is ticking as
>you're talking with them, especially if it's a long distance call.
>Good luck, if you're in the same city. Then you have to take flowers
>or chocolate.
>
>Sometimes I wonder if Indian couples are the only people on earth who
>can't communicate openly and need parents, newspapers, phones to
>arrange marriages? How about dates? I will let you know if I hear any
>responses. That means, you won't hear from me on this topic again.
>
>
>Cheers,
>
>
>Murthy
>

Get a life...


Rakesh Patel
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian,soc.sulture.tamil