From:  Mark Wuest <mdw@trumpet.att.com>
Subject: Child Security and Childcare (was Re: 20/20 and Spanking)
Originator: mdw@cbnewsg.cb.att.com
Organization: AT&T
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 16:29:13 GMT

In article <26045@optima.cs.arizona.edu> shack@cs.arizona.edu (David Shackelford) writes:
>In article <1992Nov5.093409.11146@sequent.com> newell@sequent.com (Donald Newell) writes:
>> I had a frightening experience with older children & a playground.
>> A six year old was jumping from the top of the slide with my son.
>> The other mother came out and started beating and spanking and hitting
>> him. His reaction was "Please don't, please, please". 
>> That's a DIRECT quote -- I was there.
>
>I refuse to judge a situation
>such as this -- it's none of my business.

I wouldn't say that - if there is abuse going on, I would hope I would
make it my business...

>Your apparent eagerness to judge the situation shows you have not
>considered all possibilites.

This I learned yesterday to agree with.  Type "j" now if you don't
want to read my long anecdote...

FWIW - the policy with the children's program at our church is no parents
stay in the class.  Why is Yet Another Thread.

There is a toddler (~18 mo) who's parents just started visiting our church
4 weeks ago.  His first day in class was ok - his aunt dropped him off,
he cried a couple of minutes, and then played with the rest of the kids.

The next week, he was what we call a "screamer".  We had his aunt go
around the corner to wait a few minutes to see if he would stop crying.
He didn't.  In fact, he was so upset he threw up (he wasn't sick).  We
got his aunt, he stopped.  He stayed with her.  I start worrying about
his homelife but don't tell anyone.

Next week went ok - he would stay, but someone had to hold him the
entire time.

Last week, real progress.  He was content to follow the teacher around
and cry for about 10 seconds every 10 minutes or so.  Generally happy!

Yesterday, he was a screamer again.  He threw up.  His parents wanted him
to stay in class to learn to socialize with other children, so we let them
stay with him (I know what I said about the policy...).  He puttered
around with the toys and seemed happy.  Afterwords, my wife and I spoke
to the church's head Children's ministry honchette, Joyce.  I told her
about my fears that any kid *that* insecure must have *something* wrong
going on at home.  While she didn't dismiss my concerns, she mentioned
that often kids learn to do things like make themselves sick, hold their
breath, (other radical things) to be manipulative and get what they want
(the attention of his parents in this case).

I thought of other explanations:  The child had a real bad experience
in some other child-care facility.  The child has never been left
anywhere by the parents (true in this particular instance, BTW).

Any other ideas?  Solutions?

Here's what *I* learned: It can be real difficult to pinpoint why a child
acts the way they do without knowing the parents.  Even then, it is
often revealing to "hang out" with a family for an evening.  Dropping
in unexpectedly would, I bet, be even more revealing!  ;-) ;-)

OBTW - my wife and I help coordinate the Sunday School portion of the
children's program in our "sector" (~120 kids) of our church.

Mark "Just call me Easily Manipulated"
-- 
Mark Wuest                              |     *MY* opinions, not AT&T's!!
mark.wuest@att.com                      |
mdw@cheshire.att.com (NeXT Mail)        |
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