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Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.misc
Subject: The Definite STAR TREK Parody Chapter 12  (DS9)
Keywords: parody, ds9
Date: 21 Jan 93 19:26:04 GMT
Organization: SOCS, McGill University, Montreal, Canada


                     The Definitive STAR TREK Parody

                                Chapter 12

                            The Star of Death

O'Brien gets up as soon as he hears the alarm.  Being the Chief 
Operations Officer on Deep Space Nine, he is technically on call all
the time but normally there is nothing that requires his immediate
attention.  O'Brien wonders what could be the problem as he makes his
way to Central Command.  There he finds Commander Sisko, Major Kira
and Lieutenant Dax, all looking worried.

Dax: "It's coming into visual range now."

Sisko: "On screen."

O'Brien: "What is it?"

Sisko: "It appears to be a moon."

Kira: "That's no moon; that's a space station!"

Sisko shakes his head.  "That can't be: it's coming from Cardassian
space; the Cardassians don't have the technology to build a space 
station that big!"

Dax: "It's approaching at warp speed.  Whatever it is; it isn't a 
natural phenomenon."

Kira nods.  "They're after the wormhole!  They want to take back this
sector so that they can have the wormhole to themselves."

Sisko sighs.  "O'Brien, try to open a channel."

O'Brien takes his place at ops and does so.  "Hailing frequencies open,
Sir!"

"This is Commander Sisko of Deep Space Nine.  Identify yourselves."

The image of a Cardassian Commodore appears their screen.  "Deep Space 
Nine, this is Gul Myass speaking.  You are to leave Cardassian space
immediately."

Sisko shook his head.  "We are not in Cardassian space.  This is Bajoran
space."

"Bajora is part of the Cardassian Empire.  The Bajorans are our 
brothers."

"The Federation does not recognize your claim to Bajoran space as long 
as the provisional government of Bajora is in force."

"This provisional government is a puppet government set up by the
Federation.  We do not recognize it."

"Then you should take this through diplomatic channels.  In the meantime,
you are violating Bajoran space and threatening a Federation base."

"As I have just told you, *our* presence here is no violation."

Sisko starts to get tough.  "Any attack upon Federation personel would
constitute a violation of the treaty and would be considered an act of 
war."

"The treaty does not allow for the occupation of Cardassian territory by
Federation forces.  We give you one hour to leave Deep Space Nine for
Bajora where you will make arrangements to return to Federation space at
your convenience.  Myass out."  The screen goes blank.

Kira: "Commander, you can't let them retake this sector!"

Sisko: "What do you suggest, Major?  They seem prepared to go to war!  
If we deny them Deep Space Nine, they could simply destroy it!"

Kira, calmly: "Then we'd all die but being killed by Cardassian forces 
is a possibility that I had to accept when I was a Bajoran freedom 
fighter!"

Sisko nods.  "I admire your convictions and I'm not ready to let them
walk all over us ... at least not yet.  Dax, continue scanning their
ship.  If there is any way that we can fight them then we will."

Dax nods.  Or, rather, the head of Jadzia, Dax's human host, nods.  
O'Brien wonders what goes on in the mind of Jadzia as Dax, the worm
inside of her, directs her body and receives information from her senses.
He only does so momentarily though and then goes back to work.

Time passes.  The Cardassian base is now in orbit around Bajora.  Gul  
Myass
appears on screen.

"Federation forces on Deep Space Nine, you were told to disembark!"

Sisko shakes his head.  "You obviously didn't understand our last 
message.  *If* Federation forces were to leave this station it would be
at the request of the Bajoran government."

"It is *you* who didn't understand *us*, Commander," Myass told him.
"Very well," he turns to one side, "lock on the transporter!"

"The transporter"?  Sisko wonders what this could mean.  Are they 
sending over a boarding party?

Back in O'Brien's quarters, Keiko puts Molly to bed.  She then disappears
and reappears a few feet away from Gul Myass.

"Bring her!"  Keiko is brought on screen by a Cardassian officer.  "Our
sensors located this human female in one of your personel quarters.  She
appears to be a civilian.  She, I imagine, is not ready to die for the
'Bajoran government'.  Nevertheless, if you do not disembark immediately
she will be tortured and killed!"

O'Brien's jaw drops.

Kira: "Those bastards!"

"Myass out!"  The screen goes blank.

Dax: "Commander, there is a way to fight back: at the very top of the
station, there's a duct that leads to their main reactor; one photon
torpedo entering that duct could start a chain reaction that would 
destroy their ship."

Sisko shook his head.  "We'd never be able to hit such a small, out of
the way target."

Kira: "What about a runabout?  We could send a somebody in a runabout!
They'd only need to hit the target once and we'll have won!"

Sisko: "That would be suicide!"

O'Brien: "Even if it did work, it would mean killing Keiko.  Commander,
permission to take a runabout, get inside their shields and beam Keiko
off their base.  It'd be her only chance!"

Sisko nods.  "Alright.  Go."

O'Brien gets down from ops and proceeds to one of the runabouts.  He 
gets in and activates the hydrolic system that lifts the runabout out
into open space.  He takes off and heads for the station.

Meanwhile, Gul Myass has lost all patience.  "You were warned!  You 
leave us no choice!  Fire photon torpedos!"

The Cardassians fire photon torpedos at Deep Space Nine.  In response,
they send out Patriot torpedos which intercept the Cardassian photon
torpedos and explode them well short of the station.

Kira: "We might not be able to fight back but at least we can defend 
ourselves!"

O'Brien approaches the Cardassian space station and begins scanning for
a human life form, for Keiko.  Unfortumately, the Cardassians spot him 
and lock on a tractor beam.  He is brought into the station and taken to
Gul Myass.

"What did you hope to accomplish?" Gul Myass asks.

"You won't get anything out of me!" O'Brien assures him.

Gul Myass smiles and nods.  "Put him with the other one!  We can 
interegate him later!"

O'Brien is taken to security.  On the way there, his guard whispers to 
him.

"Not all of us Cardassians approver of what our government has us 
do.  I will take both of you back to your runabout and disactivate the
trator beam so you can escape."

O'Brien is moved.  "Look, I appreciate this.  What's your name?"

"Lameo."

"Lameo.  Lameo, the Cardassian.  I'll remember this!  Thanks!"

Lameo releases Keiko.  She and O'Brien embrace.  Lameo gives each of 
them a phaser.  The two of them make their way back to the runabout,
shooting any Cardassians that might come after them.  They get into the
runabout and fly off.

"He did it!  We're free of the Cardassian tractor beam!"  O'Brien 
realizes that it isn't over yet.  "Deep Space Nine is under attack!
I'm going to have to destroy this ship!"

"Destroy it?  How?"

"There's only one way!"  O'Brien pilots the runabout towards the very
top of the station.

A Cardassian officer speaks to Gul Myass.  "Commodore, the runabout
is headed to the top of the station!"

"So?"

"Commodore, there is a danger --"

"What do you suggest?  That we evacuate in our moment of triumph?
Destroy that runabout!"

Just then, the Cardassian base shakes.

"What was that?"

"Photon torpedos, Commodore.  Sir, they were fired from a Federation
starship!"

"Well, then, never mind the runabout!  DESTROY THAT SHIP!"

With their attention focused on the newly arrived starship, O'Brien 
makes his way to his target and fires.

"Direct hit!" he shouts.  Then he realizes: "We'd better get out of 
here!"

Before O'Brien can get the runabout completely out of range, the station
explodes.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

O'Brien's runabout was caught in the explosion.  It drifts.

"Keiko, are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

O'Brien finds that all propulsion systems are down.  "We're going to
have to contact that ship and have them bring us aboard."  He opens
hailing frequencies.  "Federation starship, this is Miles O'Brien, 
Chief Operations Officer of Deep Space Nine.  My engines are down.
Please lock on a tractor beam and bring us aboard."

The response is voice only.  "This is Captain Sulu of the U.S.S 
Excelsior.  We are pleased to honour your request."

NEXT: "Yesterday Was a Long Time Ago"