HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Dr. Matt)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: will it be a chanb. or combo
Date: 15 Oct 92 16:15:33 GMT
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor

and one classical composer, for what its worth
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Please help
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Fri, 9 Oct 1992 07:26:03 GMT

FYI, this "questionnaire" has been posted to MANY newsgroups on the net...
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG                  erc@apple.com                     801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
From: anon-1218@twwells.com (Anika)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Paralysis and Kilkelly Ireland
Date: 16 Oct 92 18:13:35 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes





For Nancy:





Nancy-


Your posts have helped me a lot, and if I could thank you by offering you a
hug, I'd like to. So **hug** if you can use it.

If it helps to rage, I'm receiving mail (as always) and I'd be happy to
listen. As you've helped me so much, it would be a privelege to return the
favor if I possibly can. 

							Anika



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: bob@reed.edu (Robert Ankeney)
Subject: Therapy followup
Organization: Reed College, Portland, OR
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 20:23:10 GMT




     Just thought I'd post an update.  Yesterday was my second therapy
session since I decided to return to therapy.  After the first session,
I was told I should try discontinuing antidepressants (I was taking
imipramine.)  I made the mistake of discontinuing immediately, due to
a misunderstanding, and expecting the imipramine probably had a long
half-life and would be in my system for a while.  Well, maybe all of a
day, and two-days later I felt like I crashed and burned.  I went through
all the symptoms of having the flu, and perhaps I did, I don't know.  But
all those symptoms were also directly related to a memory I recovered on
Saturday.  I felt miserable up until remembering.  I knew beforehand what
it involved, but I just couldn't get to the actual memory.  Something that
my grandfather did to me when I was two.  And I think it was so hard and
scary to remember, even scarier than all the what I consider even more
awful things that happened to me in later years.  And I think that's
because I was so young, I didn't have *any* coping strategies to work
with.  And partly because I think my brain worked differently when I was
that young, so things were encoded differently.  Such early memories
seem to return in a very different way than do my later memories, which
seem to be more clear and complete.  The early memories are more like
little glimpses filled with *lots* of emotion and joined by leaps of
knowledge and understanding, rather than anything more visual, if that
makes any sense.
     Anyway, yesterday, I told her about some of my later horrors, and
my difficulties in accepting that they actually happened.  She sat there
and nodded, accepting it all, and sort of fussed at me for not accepting
it.  She said such things happen, sadly all too often.  And as long as I
fight accepting them, it's like calling the little 2-year-old inside me
a liar.  How can I heal from that?
     Anyway, she's quite different from what I expected a therapist to be
like, and I both like and respect her.  I feel fortunate to have found
such a therapist, and I already feel I can trust her and that she is a
true advocate for me.
     So, the bottom line is I am feeling *much* better in the past few
days, and think perhaps I was to the point that maybe the antidepressants
might have been hindering my progress and that I really don't need them
any longer.  I know it's too soon to know for sure, but I feel quite good
today, and those open zones of feeling good I treasure a lot.

     Take care, all!
     Robert
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: anger!!!
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 1992 03:20:53 GMT

anonymus+845@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu wrote:

: It's odd how they would hurt me -- then buy me things or
: take me places--  it's strange how I wanted to be around

That was part of my emotional abuse when I was growing up -- my parents would
be emotionally abusive to me, then buy me something or take me somewhere.
Maybe they felt guilty, huh?  My mother got to where she would use guilt
manipulation "after the fact" - "well, we were going to do/take you to X, but
you were bad, so we won't."  This ensured compliance, you see... :(
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG                  erc@apple.com                     801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: memories invalidated?
From: anonymus+1401@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu (darkangel)
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 18:03:16 GMT
Organization: Anonymous contact service

I can relate to what Ode(?) wrote about not knowing for sure what was really
a memory, and what may have just been imagined...
That's happened to me so many times now...
and i have to say that I'm just as confused as she is.  Some of the things that
I remember now that I hadn't before are so terrible that it's hard to know if
they really happened, and it's tempting to say they didn't.

But can I really have imagined those things??  I have to have dirty jokes
explained to me constanly.  So WHERE could these images have come from??


I wish I could help her understand, but since I'm just as confused, all I have
to offer is a hug (if she wants it..)


darkangel
-- 
No test posting.  To use this service, mail to (note misspelling, "anonymus"):
Anonymous posting:	anonymus+<name.of.news.group>@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Anonymous mail:		<user's alias>@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Test path/get alias:	anonymus+ping@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Assign nickname:	anonymus+nick@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu	(in Subject:)
Anon administrator:	anonymus+0@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu	(anonymously)
			anonymus+admin@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu	(non-anon)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu (Nancy Lebovitz)
Subject: Paralysis and Kilkelly Ireland
Organization: UDel, School of Life & Health Sciences
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 01:28:43 GMT

Last night, I heard the fairly popular folksong "Killkelly Ireland" (sp?)
and went in into a state of rage. The song is in the form of a series
of letters from a family in Ireland to a relative who's gone to America.
He's sent money and letters and photographs, but they'd really like to
see him again. As the decades go by and the relatives die off, they
keep asking him to visit in the most gentle and sympathetic manner,
but he never does. It's a very sad song.

I hope they all die. I hope they're in hell. I hope they suffer seeing
that one of them got away. I've hardly gotten a goddamned thing done
since I heard that song, and I've got a bunch of things I've got to
do. Not that I'm suffering from free-floating rage about my family who
thinks that the really important thing is for me to stay in touch
and pretend that everything's normal and that the way they treat me
is ok and that I should just respect my mother. (Please excuse the
level of generality--there's too much that's just emotional and not
specific memories. I'm mostly hoping to get myself unstuck by feeling
a bit more. Well, I'm certainly crying enough, and, it seems to be
about my mother not being there--surprising, because my conscious
memory is of being away from her being a relief.)

This may be enough for now--if more surfaces, I'll let you folks know.

No insult intended to anyone who likes the song, but I still bet that
the guy who went to America had some reason for not visiting. (I just
found out that it's based on real letters.)

                                Thanks for being here,
                                Nancy Lebovitz
                                nancy@genie.slhs.udel.edu



Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anonymus+415@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Subject: To Poohbear
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1992 17:18:39 GMT

Hi.  This is Krikket.  I still want to hide under this anon account that I dug
up, but it wouldn't do any good...

The reason this is being posted publicly...

Poohbear, you can respond to this Email to reach me, if for some reason the
Mail that I've been sending has failed to reach you...

Damn, things have been fucked up as of late.  I'll be posting them in a few
minutes, under my own account...

+--------------------------------------------------+-------------------------+
|Krikket              | krikket@meltdown.chi.il.us | USnail: 3 Danada Sq. E. !
|a.k.a Doug Krick     |NOTICE: Your Milage May Vary|   Suite 246             !
|Data # 708/665-9732  | #include<std.disclaimers>  |   Wheaton, Il 60187     !
+--------------------------------------------------+-------------------------+
|                What God wants, God gets, God help us all!                  |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
--
NO TESTS.  To use this service, send mail to (note misspelling, "anonymus"):
Anonymous posting:	anonymus+<name.of.news.group>@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Anonymous mail:		<user's alias>@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Test path/get alias:	anonymus+ping@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu
Assign nickname:	anonymus+nick@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu	(in Subject:)
Anon administrator:	anonymus+0@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu	(anonymously)
			anonymus+admin@godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu	(non-anon)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: A long dark road...
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 07:00:56 GMT

Out from under the rock again...flames to /dev/null, thankyouverymuch...

Why should you bother?  Isn't it obvious - I mean, it *is* affecting your
life to what seems to be a significant degree.  If you can't talk about it,
if you spend time thinking about it to the detriment of thinngs you'd rather
be doing, if you have no control over your thoughts or reactions, yeah, I'd
say that it's affecting your life.  What, if anything, you do is up to you.

Why "hire a friend" to cry on?  Good question ... some see therapy as a
"hire-a-friend" program, and feel sorry for themselves, because they feel they
don't have anyone else to talk to about it.  Fallacy #1: a friend is just as
good a therapist as a trained professional.  While a friend can be a good
resource in an emergency, a trained professional has been down the road -
he or she knows where the rough spots are likely to be, and how to guide you
over them.  Going through therapy is like climbing a mountail - sure, if you
go out with a friend, you may reach the top, but how long will it take?  If
your friend doesn't know the mountain, you could go up many blind paths before
reaching the top.  And what happens if you get into trouble?  Is your friend
going to panic, or run?  Better to hire a trained guide, a professional, who
knows how to get to the top safely - who is going to react professionally if
you get into a tight spot, because they've been trained in "what to do".  Your
professional guide knows how and where to get help, and is prepared for the
unexpected.  If you get caught in a blizzard on the mountain, your guide knows
how to keep you alive and safe.  Get the point? :)

Just my $000.02...
-- 
Ed Carp, N7EKG                  erc@apple.com                     801/538-0177
"This is the final task I will ever give you, and it  goes  on  forever.   Act
happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love,
and do what you will."           -- Dan Millman, "Way Of The Peaceful Warrior"
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fields@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Matthew H. Fields)
Subject: book review: "See Jane Run"
Organization: University of Michigan EECS Dept., Ann Arbor, MI
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 15:58:45 GMT

...Just read "See Jane Run."  Fascinating, well-executed bit which gives
a real feeling for what "justifiable paranoia" is all about.  Relevancy
to a.s.a.r. is shocking to the reviewers on the cover, but predictable to
some of us...
Fiction.
Synopsis without the plot spoiled: Jane finds herself standing in the
middle of Boston wearing a blood-splattered shirt under her coat, with
$10000 in cash in her pockets, and she doesn't remember who she is or
what she's doing there.  Eventually she goes to the authorities, who
reunite her with this fantastically handsome, successful, charismatic
pediatric surgeon who is her husband.  The story progresses from there...
From: anon-1287@twwells.com
Subject: response to jasmyne
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 06:45:06 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


>like it matters anyhow but i thought i would post..just in case

oh jasmyne, it does, it does matter so!



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery,alt.sex.bondage,alt.personals,alt.personals.ads,alt.personals.bondage,alt.personals.poly,alt.polyamory
From: exile@wookumz.gnu.ai.mit.edu (Heresiarch)
Subject: Re: Important ACS update (godiva.nectar.cs.cmu.edu)
Reply-To: exile@gnu.ai.mit.edu
Organization: The Torch of Chaos and Doubt
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 14:44:27 GMT

i've been reading asb for a long time.  not as long as it's existed,
and i don't remember when the net was flat, but i do remember when
clay bond used to post stuff with real content.  :)

most of us don't have a right to post to alt.sex.bondage.  we have a
privilege that we've acquired by accident, as most sysadmins overlook
the tremendous drain on their resources from alt.groups.  fortunately,
the net is big enough that if our university or business stops carying
asb or letting us post, we can go buy access off of some pubnix
machine and post anything we want.  we certainly don't have the right
to use karl's machine to be stupid.

for those of you with no historical perspective, note that the first
anonymous sevices, like the first incarnation of john's, didn't send
anything out until the provider had reviewed it, shit-canned any
tests, extremely long posts, or flame-bait. this service was
specifically demanded by the readership of asb, which was much smaller
then.

so karl's service is 'new' and 'untested.'  it still says no tests or
personals.  he's letting us use his machine, so he can tell us
anything he wants to.  if you don't like his rules, don't patronize
his service.

personally, i'm an elitist.  i believe that if anyone is stupid enough
to post a specifically-forbidden test or personal to a newsgroup, they
should have their alias yanked for good.

this is the net.  it is _not_ a free, two-way version of cable tv.
karl is doing us all a favor, and it's pretty poor-spirited to argue
with him over how we don't want this favor, but a different one
entirely.  consider that karl is going to have to deal with abusive
users, annoyed sysadmins complaining about abusive users, and tv news
programs misquoting him on annoyed sysadmins complaining about abusive
users, along with attacks by misguided feminists and censorious
fundamentalists who would remind us that interstate transport of
pornographic material is not particularly legal.  then thank him or
shut up.
--
<SIG>___________________________________________________________________
It's an old wall, Avon.  It waits.  I just hope you reach it
before you die.                                                    </SIG>
From: anon-1267@twwells.com (Brian)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Notes on Replies
Date: 8 Oct 92 03:11:51 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com


I've gotten a bunch of replies to the message I posted a couple of
days ago.  Judging from the anon #'s, many of you were replying for
the first time to an ASAR posting.  When you do so, an alias address
is generated for you.  What I get on my end is just a serial number.
Unless you've given me your internet address, I don't know who or
where you are.  I can only reply to you through the same system.

If you haven't specifically requested that mail be forwarded to you
via an ANON-Mail command, what I send bounces back to me.  So don't
think you were just yelling into an empty well, so to speak; I got
your messages but just can't respond short of posting on the news-
group.  It'd be somewhat insensitive to do that; what you sent to
me was done privately and I'll keep it that way.  So if you're 
wondering why you haven't heard back, in many (not all) cases, that's
why.  If you want me to respond, there's a help message on the 
menu somewhere that describes what you have to do.  Then shoot me
another message and I'll get back to you.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but it can be accomplished by
sending the following message to anon-ping@twwells.com

ANON-Mail: yes

That'll also return a message to you that'll tell you what your alias
is.

The following numbers have been bounced:

anon-1274 (still)
anon-1278
anon-1279

Some other people have written me; I haven't had time to write a re-
turn message.  I'll get to that as soon as I can.

Thanks to all of you.



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1296@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Crystal
Date: 12 Oct 92 06:26:00 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

i havn't been on in awhile and i scrolled back to find the article you
refered to and i can't find it.....
wanna send it on or repost?
i 'd hope that you didn't think i had ignored you...
i hope???
Jasmyne



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: anon-1280@twwells.com (Ode)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Child ***** !!! SPOILER !!! *****
Date: 14 Oct 92 03:43:07 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes

ks4443f92@auvax1.adelphi.edu writes:

>...after reading this, it just occurred to me: is that what he (the perp) was doing with me?  Is that why a lot of this sounds so familiar??  (I never really knew before why it was he did (specifically) the things he had done to me...not that I ever really wanted to know why...
>Or instead, had he just decided that to go through with it would be too obvious, so he bided his time?

If he was as "smart" as my perp, that may be what was going on. I can
understand about "not really wanting to know why" because I never 
wanted to know any of it! <sigh>

I accepted your hug from the other post. Here's one for you if
you want it: *HUG*

 -vickie-

>darkangel



--
To use this service, send EMAIL to:
anon-ping@twwells.com  -- test path/get anonymous id
anon-help@twwells.com  -- for an automatically returned help message
anon-admin@twwells.com -- ANON administrator
anon-0@twwells.com     -- anonymous e-mail to ANON administrator
anon-asar@twwells.com  -- post anonymously to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: tdelaney@penn.Gwinnett.COM (ted delaney)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: males only: shaving
Date: 9 Oct 92 02:30:50 GMT

stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote) writes:
> [cloister bell talks about possible compulsive part of shaving ]
> I have a couple of similar compulsive behavior patterns that have been
> really difficult for me to break.  Another book that really hit it on
> the head for me was Charles Whitmann's HEALING THE CHILD WITHIN.  In fact
> it was while reading this book that I finally saw the mechanism behind my
> behaviors and that has really helped me in accepting myself and lvoing
> myself (I said helped ... like yesterday morning I looked in the mirror
> while shaving and really liked the person smiling back, this morning I
> didn't like that person nearly so much oh well, ce la vie !)
> 

        just had to add my thoughts to this thread-
For me- my beard reminds me that I am an ADULT- I am a very tall/big person
but I have a severe 'baby face' and when I look into the mirror clean shaven
all I see is a CHILD deserving/needing abuse.....
When I look into the mirror and see a bearded MAN, I see someone who does NOT
deserve/need/want the abuse AND can fight back.
I have let it grow out, and like the 'mountain man' effect, but am job hunting
so I keep my beard w/a 'corporate trim'....

I remember about this time last year one of my alters, in a fit of rage, SHAVED
my beard....scared the CRAP out of me- also freaked the younger alters....
(they thought the 'bad people' couldn now 'see them'.....)

wierd, I now see (in the mirror) the man that I always wished I could/would
grow up to be....(maybe)
heck- as a kid, I didn'[t know if I would grow up to be a man or a woman....
Ted, and the gang
From: blackbourner@bvc.edu
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Child ****** !!! SPOILER !!! ******
Date: 7 Oct 92 08:53:09 CDT
Organization: Buena Vista College, Storm Lake, IA


> What strikes me most about these memories is that all this nudity and
> sexual stuff seemed so *natural*. Which leads me to believe that it
> had been going on a long time and that I was very comfortable with it.
> So, though I don't know for sure, I tend to think that he'd probably
> been sitting for us and doing things to me from the time I was either
> a baby or a toddler and I guess I thought that that's what male
> baby-sitters did. I don't know. I just know that, except for that one
> near-penetration, I never felt uncomfortable. None of these memories
> with him bring on any kind of scary or forbidding feelings.

I can really identify with this paragraph. I have no scary of forbidding 
feelings about my perp. I thought it was natural. I thought he loved me. I 
know  that it went on for years. I thought my parents knew, but they 
didn't. The  memories bothered me when I got old enough to realize what had 
happened wasn't   right. My dad did confront him years after, but I never 
got to. I wish I could.

Erin Sue
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner)
Subject: A poster I like ...
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 17:47:43 GMT
Reply-To: dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
Organization: HP California Design Center, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1.4 PL6]


I saw a poster I really like:

"Reasons not to kill yourself", by 

SurvivorShip
3181 Mission, #139,
San Francisco, CA 94110

Not sappy or stupid, just good (for me) reasons to live -- without
dening the pain or hopelessness.  Also, great pictures of kids (and
elfs and mermaids and ...) who strike me as Survivors!

E-hugs to all who want them,


Doug Sojourner         
dsojourner@cdc.hp.com  
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery