From: aaldoubo@copper.denver.colorado.edu (Anisa Alnoor Aldoubosh)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.arabic
Subject: Re: Arabic Names
Date: 4 Oct 92 05:19:54 GMT
Organization: University of Colorado at Denver

In article <nabeel.718007142@oracle.sce.carleton.ca> nabeel@sce.carleton.ca (Nabeel Ghuzlaan) writes:
>
>   And you said you were "disobedient and radical!" I thought
>you would ask me to stay home and breast-feed the kids while
>the wife makes history! (A friend of mine swears that there

Nabeel, what I said wasn't to upset you.  My intention was
only to add a little humor in response to your belief that
you would be careless in raising your children and would
not be responsible enough - thus your fear in getting married
and having children.

I was also saying that I am too disobedient and rebellious
as a person, but I still retain Islamic belief where
family values and roles are concerned.  And of course I
wouldn't want my husband to stay at home and raise my
children while I went out to work!  But when I become a
diplomat and Jihad is grown up a little, its your turn
then, dear.  :-)

>child after his wife had died.) Anyway, I do not share your
>opinion about being the provider and I had many a sizzling 
>debate about it with my father. Every time one of us makes

But doesn't that contradict with your above statement?

>A man has to share arranging the kids educational policy with
>the woman. He should help in house keeping unless he is busy
>providing. Anything should be divided fairly, but the woman
>does not have to pay a penny (not even a cent) even if she has
>Qaron's wealth. This concludes that a man has to be very
>responsible which I do not enjoy!

I agree with you completely.  I didn't reduce, in any way,
the role of the man in raising his children or in helping
the wife.  Maybe when you are a little older you will
see things differently concerning this.
 
>   What we know in the country side is that either getting
>married or working in the military, makes a kid a man!

But the men (at least in Syria) get their education first,
go to the military, and then get married - usually in their
30's - then they are mature enough and ready for the biggest
role and responsibility in their lives.  Don't you like
challenges?  I would really love to meet your wife in the
future - boy, would we talk!  :-)
 
>   That is the problem. If you want to do something perfectly,
>don't do it. And I want to do important things perfectly that
>is why I run away from reponsibility like Jaber from Iraqis!
>You know what they say about Virgos.

No, what do they say about Virgos?  Do you believe in
astrology?

You know what they say, practice makes perfect.  Don't
underestimate yourself, and do the best that you can.  We
obviously are not perfect as human beings, and there is
a reason why Allah (SWT) created us like this - to test
us and to see where our strengths and weaknesses are.  But
we don't give up trying to improve ourselves either!
 
Anisa

>   I know the Hadiths you appended but I duck from that by
>claiming that the time is not right, that was in the golden
>times. But tell you what, the solution is falling in love. We
>as Arabs when falling in love, forget our names! But experience
>shows that I am no easy prey at all. "Mish kull i*ttair illi
>yittaakil la*hmoh!" I care about finishing my thesis much more
>than marriage. "Ullu yihdeenee wa lmo'mineen. -- aameen."

That's fine.  As I said before, please do not mistake my
intentions.  I am not after you, and I certainly hope in
corresponding with you that I can try to change your
outlook for your own benefit.  That's what we are hear
for, but I don't want to pursue it if it makes you feel
uncomfortable.  What else can I say?