From: lovegod@wam.umd.edu (Lovegod)
Subject: Re: Saving our children
Organization: Workstations at Maryland, University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 1992 22:41:51 GMT

In article <1992Aug19.211215.6569@reed.edu> nelson@reed.edu (Nelson Minar)  
writes:
} A lot of us have had the experience of having some realization of our
} homosexuality during adolescence. I'd wager that this experience was
} less than pleasant. 

My mother had a helluva time with grass stains and blood stains when I was  
younger.

} We know the figures on gay teen suicide.

And it's so real.  I used to wish I would just not wake up one morning.  I mean  
the constant conflict was always so grating.  And to see so many straight  
people laughing and kissing, I thought that maybe the Church was right and that  
I was some freak of nature (well, I AM a freak, but it's not like you didn't  
know that *wink*).

} There are so many different issues to deal with when coming out..
} Homophobia of other people, one's own homophobia instilled by society.
} 
} There are a lot of issues that are especially powerful during
} adolescence. Identity itself is such a fragile thing..  Acceptance by
} peers is crucial, and role models are needed. Simply the emotional
} intensity of adolescence makes realizing homosexuality a hellish
} process.

What about when that adolescent looks around and has nowhere to go?  He/she is  
forced to breathe in the toxic fallout of homophobia until they can make it on  
their own and then what?  People wonder why I cherish little things I do with  
my friends like just talking and being around them.  Too many people have taken  
human companionship for granted.

} My own experience was fairly fortunate. I realized I was gay 4 years
} ago, when I was 16. I had the help of a good counselor, and I was
} aware of some real live gay people.. I was able to talk with some of
} my closer friends, who were understanding, and I didn't have too much
} internalized homophobia. I didn't have too many obstacles to overcome.

I'm glad.

} The thing that was hardest for me was realing that I suddenly had this
} new *identity*, being Gay, and this identity was very foreign to me. I
} didn't have any way to learn what it meant to be Gay - I could read a
} few books, and I furtively looked in the doors of a few places where
} gay people congregated, but things didn't get much better until I
} graduated from high school and had a real live boyfriend (Hi Jay!
} Thanks for posting the ACT-UP report from Houston!).

Identity can be so confusing.  In high school, I felt like Sybil.  Hard Donald,  
Quiet Donald, Funny Donald, Father Donald, Baby Donald, Fashion Donald,  
Compu-Donald, Varsity Donald.  I don't think until you really look at yourself  
without any distractions that you really discover who you REALLY are.
 
} The thing that pisses off the most about the family values agenda is
} how it will hurt children. Sure, I mind it when adults hate me, but
} that hatred doesn't really affect my own emotional well-being.
} 
} But adults are teaching children to hate homosexuality! Lesbigay kids
} are being taught to hate themselves. If the OCA amendment passes in
} Oregon it will be required to teach children in school that
} homosexuality is *wrong*. What will this do to lesbigay kids, when the
} teachers they respect tell them that what they are in their own hearts
} is evil?
} 
} I get so mad, so sad, that I feel like crying.
} 
} How do we help lesbigay adolescents come to terms with their own
} sexuality? It's vital that we do this - too many people are growing up
} learning to hate themselves, and far too many people are not ever
} growing up because it seems easier to stop living. But it's also a
} touchy issue, both because homosexuality is so "controversial" and
} because lesbigay people themselves are under suspicion of recruiting.

A child is so precious.  One of my biggest conflicts about being Gay was that I  
would never get married and lead the happy life I had memorized so well.   
Especially having children.  I wanted to be such a good father.  To have my  
children and love them and watch them grow.  To give somebody the love that was  
never given to me.  God, it's so important.  It still hurts.  Sometimes I catch  
myself thinking about my father and I wonder what I did.  I do so many things  
just like him, and I look just like him.  I look in the mirror and my face  
morphs into his.  Neglect and abandonment justified from the pulpit and the  
Oval Office don't belong in the life of a child.  It still hurts ...

Donald