From: purp@wixer.cactus.org (Jim Meyer)
Subject: Re: Commitment--The C-word?
Keywords: commitment,marriage,reluctance
Organization: Real/Time Communications
Distribution: usa
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 92 22:46:02 GMT

In article <thurlow.714023855@convex.convex.com> thurlow@convex.com
    (Robert Thurlow) writes:
>In <1992Aug16.232541.11992@cbnewsd.cb.att.com>
>    jfb200@cbnewsd.cb.att.com (joseph.f.baugher) writes:
>
>>Why are men so much more reluctant than women to commit?
>
>Because they're thinking with the little head, not the big one?  :-)
>
>I'm single.  I'm free of committments.  Big fucking deal.  I like
>freedom, but it gets old, like anything you have too much of.  I'm not
>_nearly_ as hard done by as our Kevin, but I'd like that to change.  I
>really want to be able to plan some things over a period of years
>rather than months.  I'd like to suspect I wouldn't have to wait
>%$^%!@$#^%&*@!#&%^&*&*( (dang, musta been line noise :-) between
>orgasms that happen with another person.  I'd like to have someone in
>my life that actually might know me more than the three years I've been
>in Texas someday.  I'd like to know that someone would be there for me
>on the really rough days, and that I could feel worthwhile by being
>able to do that for someone special.
>
>Oh, I'll wait for the right person, but if it's all the same to the
>Creator, I'd like it to happen sooner if possible.
 
 
Well, I'm single. And I've recently had to come to terms with the fact
that after two failed engagements, I was dating someone (two year lapse
between last failure and this relationship) and things were getting
closer and closer to that C-word thing. And I was excited!
 
Until we got right up to it. I, too, always thought that those men
afraid to commit were stupid. I'm glad I had the sense not to make fun
of their thinking processes out loud, tho; I'd feel rather more sheepish
being in the position of someone who *is* afraid to commit again and is
working on trying to find out why.
 
So, Robert, I too hope you find that perfect someone and things go along
smoothly. But take a couple of words of advice:
 
1) You can plan for years. If the person is right for you, the plans
will fit with her, too. Or at least with only slight modification.
 
2) Someone in your life who's known you for a long time, and someone
there for you after long days, can be accomplished with just a female
friend. They can give affection and sympathy; they just may not be as
willing (nor might their SO's look kindly upon) to engage in sex.

2a) Sex is just that; SEX. It's not hard to find, if it's what you're
looking for *exclusively*. Your pardon if I offend, but f you want sex,
just make it clear that it's all you're looking for, make that the
truth, and there are women (and men, ladies) who are more than ready to
help you out. They're the ones who don't want to/can't commit.

3) Feeling worthwhile is something you do on your own. It's a corny
analogy, but it fits: You are like a pie; you can be whole without the
help of anyone else. And if you meet that someone else, well, that's the
whipped topping (can't say cherry; that's too rare these days ;) ). But
if you aren't whole, no amount of whipped topping (and no other person)
is going to MAKE you whole.
 
4) Never make fun of people's feelings, especially the ones you don't
understand. Some folks would take offense and call you a @#%&! (gee,
that line noise is catching). Which would start a whole round of
nastiness. [please note, none of this paragraph is intended as anything
more than a gentle jibe; please receive it as such]
 
That's all. I'm gonna go try to figger this out some more over a beer.
 
--Purp, in an odd position.

-- 
+---------------+------------------------------+-----------------------+
| Jim Meyer     | If I express an opinion, you | purp@wixer.cactus.org |
| Austin, Tejas | can bet no one else agrees.  | aka jimpurp@pro-lep   |
+---------------+------------------------------+-----------------------+