From: Gavin.Flower@comp.vuw.ac.nz (Gavin Flower)
Subject: Re: Holly's theory about the conflict surroungind Ed
Organization: Dept. of Comp. Sci., Victoria Uni. of Wellington, New Zealand.
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 21:45:29 GMT

In article <1992Nov16.175006.9592@u.washington.edu> taylor@hardy.u.washington.edu (Allen D. Taylor) writes:
>In article <BxoExz.6J7@twwells.com> anon-1370@twwells.com (Mary) writes:
>>Holly (Enigma) posits the theory that the reason that so many people get
>>irritated with Ed is because of socialized differences in communication 
>>patterns and patterns of emotional expression in men and women.  Since my
>>tenure on ASAR is a brief one, I really don't have a clue as to whether more
>>men or women are irritated by Ed.  However, I do think that Enigma's theory
>>has merit.  
>>
>>There are a lot of *general* differences in the way men and women deal with
>>emotional expression, communication and conflict.  For example:
>>
>[... stuff deleted]
>>
>>All of these differences (as well as others that I have not listed) seem to 
>>result in differing patterns of emotional expression and communication in
>>males and females.  Subsequently, miscommunications, misunderstandings and 
>>other problems in interacting are likely to result from these disparate
>>styles of expression.  Which is not necessarily to say that one style is
>>better than another (though I bet a poll of ASAR readers would find that
>>females find their style superior and visa versa for males) - the styles are
>>just different.
>>
>
>I really had to pause and meditate before replying to this post.  I
>immediately felt a very large wave of anger come over me when I read this.
> Even though I have decided how I would feel comfortable responding to
>this post,  I am tempted to flame away.  But I won't.  That is not how L
>want to live my life.
>
>Instead I will tell you WHY I feel anger at this post.
>
>First is that I find the men vs women tone to be very confrontational and
>condescending.  I did not read in this post (I acknowledge that my issues
>may not have 'allowed me to see it) the idea that EVERYONE is different. 
>In point of fact, my first wife was exactly like the way Holly describes
>men in this post.  The whole reason our 17 year marriage finally ended was
>that she refused to deal with issues confronting us.
[...]

I perceive that my exwife tended to be like Holly describes men, but I
feel that Holly is right in general.  On issues which effect me
emotionally (especially in a threating way, or of particular
sensitivity), I tend to have far more women I can relate to, than men,
and I think this is because of the characteristics of the way women
tend to communicate. 

I'm aware that EVERYONE is different, and that there are tremendous
individual variations, but I notice interactions with women seem
different than with men.


Am I unusual, in that I'm less likely to feel the need to put up a
false image, for defensive reasons, with women?


Gavin
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