From: an1987@anon.penet.fi (Stephanie)
Subject: Against My Will
X-Anonymously-To: alt.transgendered
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 23:24:03 GMT

For what it is worth, some of us didn't crossdress for the first time 
voluntarily.  I wore my first dress when I was 3 or 4 years old, with the 
help of Mom and Dad.  They thought it would be cute to see their son in 
their daughter's dress.  Little do they know they got a 2-for-1 deal out 
of that.  Thanks, Mom and Dad.

I've been actively crossdressing since I was 11 and am now in my mid-30s.  
If my wife regains control over her life and is finally able to confront 
my need to crossdress, I have about a 50-50 chance of saving my marriage.  
Perhaps I had a predilection towards crossdressing from my own physiology. 
But I didn't put the dress on for the first time.  There are other 
complications from my brother who, at 10 years of age, thought that proper 
punishment for me as a 4 year old was to make me wear my mother's clothes. 
No joke.  Bitter?  You bet.

Torn?  You bet.  To me, there is nothing like the feel of a soft, silky, 
lacy slip.  Long hair on my shoulders.  Big, beautiful earrings brushing 
against my neck.  The feel of freshly shaven legs.  Black pumps, hose.  
Antron III nylon and I are the best of friends.  Makeup does such 
wonderful things for my face.  There's nothing like being one of the girls 
once in a while.  And afterwards, the guilt and self-humiliation can be 
self-destructive.

Morality?  I do nothing to harm the person or property of anyone else.  
Also, I have no control over the desire.  It is neither moral nor immoral 
by itself.

You think maybe I have no self-control?  I was a 1 to 1-1/2 pack a day 
asthmatic smoker who quit 3 years ago.  Cold turkey.  I didn't even put on 
a pound.  (And I'm dying for a butt right now as I word process this!)  
Quitting smoking was grueling, one of the toughest things I've ever done.  
Piece of cake though compared with trying to give up crossdressing.

You may have seen me.  I go to the gun range shooting once in awhile.  Big 
gun, good shot.  Ready to protect my wife and my home.  I drive a sports 
car well.  Fast on the open road, responsible in traffic.  Not one of the 
wacko lane changers.  Always use a signal.  My wife I treat as my equal 
because she is.  I pay my bills on time.  I don't cheat on my wife.  I 
have few but great close friends, both male and female.  I hate injustice, 
but I hate even more people screaming injustice when the system is just.

I'm the one who couldn't get 3 steps up a ladder without shaking.  I'm 
also the one who eventually made his way out onto a 60 foot (20 meter) 
high dam to effect repairs with about an inch of water flowing over the 
slimy spillway.  Twice.  I'm the guy who went to the gay bar with a friend 
because he wanted to show me that part of his life.  You may have thought 
I was gay because I was comfortable with the surroundings.  I'm that 
unusual looking girl in the pink shirtdress getting into the little green 
sports car.  The girl who seems to be enjoying the experience of her own 
purposeful motion.

To the wonderful women out there reading this - wanting, trying, and even 
being successful at understanding TG people, thank you!  I shed a tear of 
joy for your warmth and support.

To the guys out there reading this - curious about how another guy could 
want to wear dresses or how a woman could want facial hair, also trying 
and even being successful at understanding TG people, thank you too!  I 
raise my beer stein filled with the darkest, thickest, heaviest Irish 
stout possible to you.

By the way, know how to tell if a guy is a crossdresser?  If he blots 
ChapStick, he's also a she!  ;-)

*Hugs*, Proust, and Happy Holidays to all!

Stephanie A. Brooks

an1987@anon.penet.fi (Stephanie)

"I am a typed director.  If I made 'Cinderella', the audience would 
immediately be looking for a body in the coach." - Alfred Hitchcock
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Newsgroups: alt.transgendered