From: mueller@owlnet.rice.edu (Ernest Conrad Mueller)
Newsgroups: bit.listserv.christia
Subject: Re: Divorce and remarriage
Date: 30 Jul 1992 19:27:40 GMT
Organization: Rice University

Let me first say that I greatly sympathize with your story, and that such
things are truly horrible.

Chris Reed writes:
>No flames intended to Ernest Mueller or Julie Mott, honest!  I waited and
>calmed down before posting.  But I cannot imagine you have been through an
>intolerable marriage, and perhaps your close friends and acquaintances are
>all happily married.  I'm truly glad for you.  But please understand, not
>everyone has a marriage that can, or should, be saved.

>Just how much forgiveness should one have for a spouse?  Being lied to,
[examples of scumball activity of ex deleted]

Seventy times seven?
Hopefully you do not literally mean "forgive" here, but instead how
much crap you're willing to take before you seek a change.  Read on.

>It hurts deeply to hear that now I'm a bigamist, since *I*
>got the divorce, and now I'm remarried.  Didn't Paul say it was better to
>marry than to burn?  Was I to remain single all my life?  What is a person
>trapped in an abusive marriage supposed to do, without offending you, or
>God?  Because I searched, and I really saw no other way out, aside of death.
>But I had two kids to raise, and death didn't really appeal.  I liked the
>saying "Quitters never win, and winners never quit."  I like to think of it
>as quitting the marriage, and saving an ailing family.
>In a nutshell, are there no biblical grounds for divorce?  I'd really like
>to know.  And now, since both my ex and I have remarried, does the Bible
>say we're supposed to divorce our new spouses and get back together?  If so,
>I'd rather die than return to the hell of that kind of life.

OK.  Here is my understanding of the Biblical view.

Firstly, it is still legit to seek a divorce in case of adultery.  Jesus
         personally said that.

Secondly, a woman is allowed to *separate* from her husband.  Paul wrote that.

Thirdly, a *legal* divorce would come under the category of "separation,"
         IMHO.  Let us not confuse U.S. laws with God's covenants.

This is what is allowed. What is not?

Firstly, one who is "separated" (including legal divorce) is not allowed
         to remarry, as they are still married.

Secondly, those who have actually divorced (in God's eyes) due to adultery
          may but are not encouraged to remarry.

So in your particular case, you're in compliance with Scripture to a T.

The "worst-case" scenario is like yours but with the man staying sexually
faithful.  In this case the woman (or man, these things work both ways)
may separate from the other, obtain a legal divorce (IMHO),  and otherwise
avoid abuse.  Getting him/her thrown in the slammer is also a viable option.
However they are still married to the other.  We are to be permanently
forgiving.

If the other were to truly repent s/he would be bound to join them
again (it is here noted how difficult it is to ascertain true repentance).
In this scenario, "it is better to marry than to burn" holds no water because
they are still married.  

All that having been said, what about those who go ahead and remarry and then
get religion and want to know what to do?  Most ministers I know say
that you can get forgiveness and start fresh, but they'd better *really*
repent and never do it again.  It is not some kind of unforgivable sin,
but it is a very serious violation of a covenant with another person and with
God.

This is as far as I know in complete accordance with Scripture, and IMHO
with God's love, forgiveness, and justice.  But, as I said in my last post,
deliberate sin is never ever ever justified.