From: anon-1534@twwells.com (Suzanna)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Recurring nightmares
Date: 7 Jan 93 05:46:43 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


   >How do I choose a better outcome? The nightmare starts off bad (I'm
   >sorry, I don't know of a better term) and get worse. 

   There are books on lucid dreaming by LaBerge that give examples of alternate
   ways that dreams can go, I think. (It might be LeBerge.) Patricia Garfield
   is good about dreams, too.

Thank you, I shall also try to find these books.

   I don't know the details of your dream, so I can't be specific, but a
   better outcome would probably be you defeating what scares you or changing
   it into something benevolant. I realize that such a change can be very
   hard to imagine.

I tried thinking of a positive ending, but I couldn't think of a way
to change what happens into something good. Part of the difficulty
might stem from the fact that I can remember the events that it shows,
and so I would be denying my own memories, maybe? I'm not very good at
this sort of thing.

   There's also a group called alt.dreams that might be a good place to get
   advice on how to deal with nightmares.

Again, thank you.

   I'm glad you're at least getting in some just-for-fun reading.

Are those books I mentioned (Kafka and Peake, and now also Nietzsche)
books that I should be reading? The people I've talked to about
reading seem surprised by what I read, but I don't know what I should
be reading.

   I'm not sure if there's a way for me to handle this as gently as I want
   to, but there's nothing in nettiquette against apologizing a lot. It's
   ok if you do. It just seemed to me that you were apologizing long before
   you'd done anything remotely offensive, and I was sort of kidding. If
   I'd seen your other post about how lonely you felt, I wouldn't have said
   it. 

I am sure you were right to tell me not to apologize; I need to learn
how to behave properly.

   That idea about apologizing and punishment sounds like it would be a 
   better deal for the people teaching you than it is for you. (I'm not
   saying that apologizing is always bad--I do it myself, but it seems to
   me that you're keeping yourself in a one-down position.)

I'm sorry, I do not understand this. What do you mean by "better deal"
and "one-down"? I'm sorry, I am not very good with expressions like
this - I don't hear them enough, or at all, to know what they mean.

I tried not to apologize in this post, but I did something wrong just
above. I'll try next time also if I post again.

   I believe that if you came from a dysfunctional family, you'll find
   that almost everyone will treat you better than your parents did. 

I'm sorry, I don't know if my family was dysfunctional; I don't have
any basis of comparison - I didn't see how other families lived when I
was young, and I go out just as much now.

   >Should this be conducted via email? I don't know if anyone else is
   >interested in this reply.

   I'd as soon keep this in the newsgroup, partly because I think that 
   other people here will be interested (loneliness and feeling that 
   other people are always right compared to oneself are _common_ problems)
   and partly because I don't feel very sure about what I say to you,
   especially the tone. I don't want to come off as so self-assured
   that you feel squelched again, but there are things I want to say.
   I'm hoping that some of the more nurturing people here will supply
   a balance. 

You have been very nurturing to me, as have the people who have sent
me email. I thank you. I am glad I found this newsgroup. I am too used
to being lonely.

Suzanna



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