Newsgroups: soc.bi
Subject: Assorted ramblings (long)
From: matthew@oread.cc.ukans.edu
Date: 21 Aug 92 20:23:35 CDT
Organization: University of Kansas Academic Computing Serces

	<Yawn>  I'm bored....
	Oh, not with soc.bi--it's just that...well, actually, I don't
exactly know *what* it is.  I feel, well,  alone.
	Please don't think that I'm trying to bring anyone down,
because I'm not trying to.  It's just that although I've returned to
the wonderful world of the net, I feel as though all the friends I
made when I first came onto the net (as a whole, and not just this
specific group) are now on the other side of this big chasm, and
there's simply no way I can cross it.  
	And now I get cynical--or is it critical?  I mean, I think
we've gotten very serious here at soc.bi.  Although I do enjoy the
articles posted on this and the thoughtful discussion, none of it
seems playful as it once was.  But that could be attributed to
something extremely tangible...namely the server here at KU!  I get
the distinct feeling that articles are being cut out rapidly--faster
each and every day.  According to what I have here, I only have posts
dating back to the 18th.  Is that common?  Seems like there was a time
when I could jump back nearly an entire month to see what was up here
in this newsgroup, if I needed to.  But now I can't.
	Are we being playful?  Am I just not tapping into the articles
that have a "serious" heading and are masking the fun "inside," as it
were?  Yes, and no.  Some of the posts deal with people I've never
met, magazines I have no access to...or topics that I've never had to
deal with...or have put aside in my quest for fun.
	That's probably it, you might think.  Matt's just not giving
these topics or articles a fair chance--if he were to get out there
and read them, then he'd be able to add his commentary.  Why doesn't
he do it?
	To tell you all the truth, I have no idea.  Perhaps the
"thrill" is gone for me.  Perhaps what I thought of as a great group
just isn't for me anymore.  And before I get flamed rudely for that
comment, I want you all to know I say it with *no* sarcasm or malice.
It's just that I don't seem to fit in anymore.  I am still bisexual,
and I am still hiding that part of myself from the general populace.
But that is necessity at the moment--'tis a house of cards that I live
in, and one whisper on the wind of what I might be in the "general"
world will make it fall.  And although I came into this group with a
vow that I would start changing that and making myself be known, I
simply cannot.
	So I watch and wait.  Perhaps I will slide silently into the
shadows, always watching and marveling at you all, as you debate and
laugh and question.  And maybe occasionally I'll interject with a
comment, a quip or two.  But at this point, I really don't know.  My
life is becoming more and more complicated, and holding onto the ideas
I once had seems to be more of a burden than a blessing....
	Once again, I apologise for this rambling piece of bandwidth.
Comments, questions, criticisms, out-and-out yelling at me--I'll take
it all, either e-mailed or here in this wonderous forum.  
		"Until the dark of night has reached the dawn shall I
                 carry on...
		 Until forever never comes...."
					--Matt Chatterly 
-- 
Matt Chatterly             | "How'd you get hand lotion all the way up there?"
(A blatant pseudonym...)   | "I told you I spilled it...."
Matthew@oread.cc.ukans.edu |		--from _Young Lady Chatterly_
				      					
Newsgroups: soc.bi