From: ss1@kepler.unh.edu (The Rink)
Subject: The Enormous List of Signatures Part 1/4
Organization: Turkey Hall
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1992 00:49:26 GMT


Earlier this year, I advertised on rec.humor that I had an "Enormous Signature
File" compilation, and that I would mail it to all who requested it.  I got
flooded with requests.  Then I began to post lists as I compiled them, also
with the note saying that if anybody wanted the previous lists, they could
email me and receive them.  Each time, it was a deluge.  So now I'm going to
post every list I've got.  The first is the original, and posted in four
parts.  Then there are nine others -- THE LAST OF THESE HAS NEVER BEFORE BEEN
POSTED.  So if you are collecting these lists, you *don't* have that one.

Enjoy!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------


The Enormous List of Signatures (Part 1/4)....           ...But FIRST!
===============================================================================

From: ceb@bali.unify.com (Caroline E. Bryan)

Sam --

[An easy] way to select a different file every day and copy it into $HOME/.sig:
It's in my .profile it is executed every time I log on.  Since it's based
on "date", logging on several times during the course of the day, or the
local power company doing its thing and leaving us in the dark momentarily,
will not change my .sig for that day.  Vide: (or if you prefer live language,
mira:)

	day=`date +%j`
	pindex=`expr $day % 24`
	index=`expr $pindex + 1`

	cp $HOME/Sigs/.sig${index} $HOME/.sig 

Painfully simple, yes?
The number "24" is the number of sig files from which the daily file is
selected.  Someone more versed in Unix than I, which is most Unix people,
would take a gander at $HOME/Sigs, thus relieving him/herself from the 
necessity of hardcoding that number.


Carrie		ceb@dbrus.unify.com	x6244     ----------------------------+
|  There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.     |
|					   --     Mark Twain		      |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+


===============================================================================
Ok, NOW the LIST!
===============================================================================


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
|  Michael Rivero        rivero@dev8j.mdcbbs.com     "A Human's Human!"  |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|    Women spend 50 BILLION dollars a year on cosmetics while their      |
|     fellow human beings sleep in alleys and eat out of trashcans.      |
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

--------------------
    |\/\/\/|   
    |      |   
    |      |   
    | (o)(o)   Bart Simpson is a looser
    C      _)  
     | ,___|   
     |   /     Barry Gunn
    /____\     ex 2281
   /      \    barryg@lsid.hp.com


Sam                                              ss1@kepler.unh.edu
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law.
                                    This is our idea of useless legislation.
-------------------------------------------------Anonymous---------------------


Sam                                              ss1@kepler.unh.edu
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An egotist is a person of low taste--more interested in himself than in me.
-------------------------------------------------Ambrose Bierce----------------

-- 
All good people are     opie@flesh.nmt.edu    I tried to use my halo as a life
asleep and dreaming       NewCo MexiTech      preserver, but it sprung a leak.
  -Skinny Puppy-                                         -Foetus-
                Celibacy, live the dream. New Mexico Tech. 

_______________________________________________________________________________
"I thought I had wavy hair             | Josh Laff: e-mail to:   |
 Until I shaved. Instead,              |    smiley@uiuc.edu      |    #     #
 I find that I have _straight_ hair    |smiley@gnu.ai.mit.edu____|   _       _
 And a very wavy head."                |_____________________|  |   |#\_____/#|
      - Shel Silverstein, "A Light in the Atic"| (217) 384-6227 |    \#######/


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blair Wettlaufer                |  Brand the Black    |  Forewarned is forarmed
University of Waterloo          |  The Black Company  |  ... but four arms do
bwettlau@watserv1.uwaterloo.ca  |  Pr. of Ealdormere  |  not great feets make.


|============================================================================|
|				An Engineer                                  |
|============================================================================|
| An engineer is a person who passes as an exciting technical expert on      |
| the basis of being able to turn out with prolific fortitude, infinite      |
| strings of incomprehensive estimates calculated with microscopic           |
| precision from vague assumptions and debatable figures taken from          |  
| inconclusive data obtained with recording devices of problematical         |
| accuracy by uninformed persons of doubtful reliability and                 |
| questionable mentality.                          Author:  Unknown          | 
|============================================================================|
| David Hoeferlin              | Disclaimer:  This University has everything |
| Wright State University      | to do with my shrinking wallet, but         |
| Electrical Engineering       | nothing to do with my Opinions, Actions     |
| dhoeferlin@desire.wright.edu | or even my Education.                       |
|============================================================================|


The views expressed within are not necessarily the views of my employer.
They may be the views of my dogs, who have been subliminally programming
me while I sleep.
                                   ___________________________________________
Dale Lee                           |If dogs were outlawed,                   |
4001 Discovery Drive               |Only outlaws would have dogs.            |
Suite 250                          |_________________________________________|
Boulder, CO  80303                 |One (of many) nice things about dogs vs  |
303-541-6806                       |kids, if you leave them at home alone all|
                                   |day welfare doesn't come & put you away  |
                                   -------------------------------------------


  -----------------------------------------
  Ed Rush, employed by but not speaking for
  Metaphor Computers, Mtn. View, CA
     UUCP: [...!{apple|decwrl}!]metaphor!mnementh!rush
     Internet: rush@mnementh.metaphor.com
  -----------------------------------------
Calm down, everyone, it's only ones and zeroes.



Brett
=============================OFFICIAL=DISCLAIMER================================
The opinions and views expressed here are strictly my own and do not 
necessarily reflect the official position of either the U.S. Air Force 
or its contractors.
=====================DO=NOT=REMOVE=TAG=UNDER=PENALTY=OF=LAW===:)================

--
Mike Van Pelt 

David Goldfarb    goldfarb@ocf.berkeley.edu   (Insert standard disclaimer)
"Obviously proud at knowing a word that I did not know, Horace [Gold] 
enunciated clearly and distinctly, 'Meretricious!'
 Whereupon I replied, 'And a Happy New Year to you.'"   -- Isaac Asimov


--
Disclaimer:  Jim Huggins is the CFV-meister, but he has midterms.

								   ====
				laid off by:			 =---====
Scott Forbes			AT&T Network Software Center	=-----====
				forbes@toolserv.att.com		==---=====
								 ========
'C' programmer with communication skills seeks employment...	   ====



-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    Karl Elvis MacRae batman@batcave.Ebay.sun.com (408)922-4960 M/S MIL21-39
        Sun Microsystems, Milpitas, CA (The armpit of Silicon Valley)  
	    -I don't speak for Sun, and they don't speak for Me-
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
	"What I would call human in me, for you would be perversion"
				-'Another World' - Hoodoo Gurus
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


Mike Van Pelt                      "Nobody's life, liberty, or property
Headland Technology/Video 7         are safe while Congress is in session."
...ames!vsi1!hsv3!mvp                        -- Will Rogers
mvp@hsv3.lsil.com


================================================================================
Dave Weissman - Broadband and FDDI LAN Operations Group

Snail mail:                       NSI DECNET (SPAN) -  6153::DWEISSMAN
   Code 543.8                     NSI TCP/IP        -  dweissman@<128.183.112.2>
   Goddard Space Flight Center    SPRINTnet's X.400 -
   Greenbelt, Maryland 20771      (C:USA,A:TELEMAIL,P:GSFC,FN:DAVID,SN:WEISSMAN)

*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*

  I don't speak for nor represent the views of NASA or my company although
  they would both be happy if I just shut up for once.........

*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*DISCLAIMER*



** NeXT: lmann@vineland.pubs.stratus.com * GEnie: L.MANN4  **
**  Laurie_MannVOS@vos.stratus.com * lmann@jjmhome.uucp    **
** A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, **
** adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.**
******               Ralph Waldo Emerson               ******


==============================================================================
Thank you for your attention.

Scott Barker
barker@enel.ucalgary.ca

"If winning is not important, then why keep score?" - Worf


-- 
This program posts news to billions of machines throughout the galaxy.  Your 
message will cost the net enough to bankrupt your entire planet.  As a result 
your species will be sold into slavery.  Be sure you know what you are doing.
Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? [ny] y


--
bruce@zuhause.mn.org
Youth is wasted on the young.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Chris.Holt@newcastle.ac.uk      Computing Lab, U of Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 "Where lies the land to which the ship would go?  Far, far ahead..." - AHC


_________________________________________________________________
|      | *less expensive ascii version of my sig    ====	|
| o  o | Darcy Brockbank    ============================	|
|   >  | samurai@uriel.cs.mcgill.ca	================ =|---- |
| \__/ | SOCS system staff, McGill University    =======        |
|      | I believe in coyotes...    ====================	|
-----------------------------------------------------------------


-- 
Mike   hennebry@plains.NoDak.edu
"Be sure you spell my name correctly: G-E-O-R-G-E W-I-L-L." -- Dave Barry

--
Opinions expressed are solely those of the author, and do not necessarily
represent those opinions of this or any other organization.  The facts,
however, simply are and do not "belong" to anyone.
    jwm@sun4.jhuapl.edu or jwm@aplcen.apl.jhu.edu or meritt%aplvm.BITNET


--E.V.L. (drwho@wpi.wpi.edu)        # "Why can't we fight and win, mommy?"
Disclaimer: "It's all absolutely    # "Because they have weapons and
devastatingly true, except the bits # technology.  We just have love."
that are lies."  --Douglas Adams    #             --Ralph Bakshi's "WIZARDS"


-- 
Scott Amspoker                       | 
Basis International, Albuquerque, NM | This post stops at all
                                     | railroad crossings.
scott@bbx.basis.com                  |


_____________________________________________________________________________
 "Boise sans soif et faire l'amour en tout temps, madame, il n'ya que ca qui 
  nous distingue des autres betes..."  - Le Mariage de Figaro, II.xxi
________Lisamarie "Rifa the Insane" Babik_________91babik@gw.wmich.edu_______


| Adrian Colley, \ Fingerable: aecolley@unix1@134.226.32.17 |
| SF Computer Science, \ Mail: aecolley@unix1.tcd.ie        |
| Trinity College Dublin. \ Disclaimer: I didn't say that ! |
| Alternative mail: aecolley%unix1.tcd.ie@pucc.princeton.edu|


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer:I have no job. Which means I am unemployed. Therefore, I cannot have
           an employer to deny my opinions are it's own. So by default, my
           opinions represent those of everyone in my country as I am one of
           the common men. After all, all men are created equal, and if you
           don't like it, wage war on my country you dictatorial evil 
           goosestepping Satanistic Capitalist Imperialist American Dogpigs!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


All the opinions expressed in this posting are mine, all mine and nothing
but mine, and have nothing at all to do with my employer. Unless, of course,
they are particularly witty, interesting or generally worth a lot of money.


******************************************************************************
**Dominic Tavassoli              *  "I am not a letter! I am the number 3!" **
**Alcatel-Alsthom Recherche      *         (the hero in 3 in Three)         **
**France                         *"Hey baby,wanna see my Wand of Fireballs?"** 
**tavassol@aar.alcatel-alsthom.fr*        Segermund,5th level MU            **
******************************************************************************
***     (if you enjoyed this, please send $10 to the above address)        ***
******************************************************************************


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*   Joon L. Case            * When the 50 dwarves dwindled down to 8,  *
*   casej@gn.ecn.purdue.edu * everyone began to suspect Hungry.        *
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


==========================================================================
\\\\    Michael Rivero      | "I drank WHAT!" |"Why bother with marriage?| 
  (.    rivero@dev8a.mdcbbs | Socrates  -------------------Just find a   |
   )>   DISCLAIMER:::       |-----------| "Life is CHEAP! |woman you hate
  ==    "Hey man, I wasn't  |Looking4luv| But toilet paper|and buy her a |
---/    even here then!"    |Settle4sex!| is EXPENSIVE!"  |  house!"     |
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++-------------------+++++++++++++++

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Raymond Luxury-Yacht a.k.a. DANIEL BOWEN | %COPY-E-INPFNOTFOUND, The VAX has
Monash University, Melbourne, Australia  | initiated a CPU committee meeting
edb134tbp2@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au +-------+ to find the file. DCL will report
edb134t@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au --+ result in four weeks.              [TCWF]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Six of one, 110 (base 2) of       | Craig Spannring
 another.                          | icsu7039@caesar.cs.montana.edu
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


%SYSTEM-W-TMNYFNGRS, too many fingers on keyboard


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
   /=============================/ 
  / tpehrson@javelin.sim.es.com /   WARNING: my messages are offensive to 
 /=====aka: tim clinkenpeel====/             morons! 
[DISCLAIMER:  my fingers are epiletic]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Lt. G: "If we do happen to stand on a mine, sir, what do we do ?"
Capt. B: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet into the air
	  and scatter oneself over a wide area."
	-- somewhere in no man's land, "Blackadder Goes Forth"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Jeff Alexander             |"Only the insane have the strength to prosper.
ja1r@andrew.cmu.edu (ARPA) | Only those that prosper truly judge what is sane."
ja1r%andrew@CMCCVB (BITNET)|      -- Warhammer 40,000 rulebook


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark Brader			"... one of the main causes of the fall of
SoftQuad Inc., Toronto		 the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they
utzoo!sq!msb			 had no way to indicate successful termination
msb@sq.com			 of their C programs."		-- Robert Firth
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


You are in a twisty little passage of standards, all conflicting.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  Unix Anti-Exclusion Principle:
	Any single major standard will split into at least two semi-compatable
	standards within the cycle-time of the fastest existing computer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                If it's broke, fix it (The MS-DOS way)
            If it aint broke, don't touch it (The Unix way)
	If we can't fix it, it ain't broke (Maintainer's Motto)
             If you can't fix it, fuck it (The U-boat way)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Space is an illusion; disk space doubly so"


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scotty: "Hold this green wire, feel anything?"
Mccoy  "Nope."
Scotty "Then don't touch the other one or you'll drop dead."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Allon Stern        | (301)405-4864 [work]  |  Ring around the Internet      |
| skum@bessel.umd.edu| (301)474-4527 [home]  |  A packet with a bit not set   |
+--------------------+-----------------------+  ENQ ACK ENQ ACK               |
| Unix weirdo in training. Handle with care. |  We all go down!               |
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


-- Murray S. Kucherawy --------------------+---------------------------------
2B Math/CS, University of Waterloo (co-op) | mskucherawy@watmath.UWaterloo.ca
Motorola Canada,  Private Systems Div. +---+--------+       murray@motto.UUCP
System Products Engineering    Toronto |"Beep." -vi | murray@tor.comm.mot.com
---------------------------------------+------------+------------------------


Risto Lankinen / product specialist ***************************************
Nokia Data Systems, Technology Dept *  2                              3   *
THIS SPACE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK * 2 +1 is PRIME!  Now working on 2 -1 *
replies: risto@yj.data.nokia.fi     ***************************************


Chip Salzenberg at Teltronics/TCT     <chip@tct.com>, <uunet!pdn!tct!chip>
            If you meet Ken Thompson on the road, kill him.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please excuse any errors in the above   | Stirling G. Westrup
post.  Occasional lapses of omniscience | UUCP: stirling@ozrout.uucp
is the price I pay for being            | INET: stirling%ozrout.UUCP@sobeco.com
implementable.                          | BIX : swestrup
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The 11.32 signature is running late and will arrive at 19.22.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
USENET: N. A self-replicating phage engineered by the phone company to cause
computers to spend large amounts of their owners budget on modem charges.
------------------------------------------------------------------------


There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and
BSD UNIX.  We don't believe this to be a coincidence.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
*** This line intentionally left justified ***
------------------------------------------------------------------------


What's a word processor? Well, you know what a food processor does to food ...


------------------------------------------------------------------------
"To be or nut^H^H^H -- sh^Gt, how do I delete..^D^D^D Oh No Oh NO^D^D^D -- How 
do I get out of this thing anyway (mumble mumble)
Bus error (core dumped)
------------------------------------------------------------------------


There's one big difference between genius and stupidity.  Genius has limits.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
`I have read your article, Mr. Johnson, and I am no wiser than when I
started.' -- `Possibly not, sir, but far better informed.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------


It's said that only 10 people on the whole world understood
Einstein. I'm so brilliant that nobody understands me at all.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Fortunately the computer virus did no harm to our records. It was
immediately devoured by all the bugs in our own programming."
------------------------------------------------------------------------

                        /\                    ?               ________________ 
  name@machine.domain.edu \  ____   __       fgu             |.signature under|
 Anything is possible...   \ |  |  / |     orywlut-          |  construction  |
                            ==========    gfgsdfsdfsd        |________________|
_____________________________OO_____O___hfdhksjdhfksjdfs_______||__________||__


------------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on tape somewhere.
------------------------------------------------------------------------


/EARTH is 98% full.  Please delete anybody you can.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bus error (Passengers dumped)
------------------------------------------------------------------------


 Let's see, now that I am done.......... :w  :q  :wq  :wq! ^d  X exit
 X Q  :quitbye  CtrlAltDel   ~~q  :~q  logout  save/quit :!QUIT ^[zz
 ^[ZZ ZZZZ  ^H  ^@  ^L  ^[c  ^# ^E ^X ^I ^T  ?  help  helpquit ^D  ^d
 ^C ^c ^x^c helpexit ?Quit ?q ^Kx /QY   Oooops..........   Discs synced; halted


  _________________________________________________________________
 /\ Ken Hovanes \---- Place the velcro chicken inside the microwave\
/  \ Intergraph Corp.\for radiation treatment.  Repeat.  Place the  \
\   \ (205) 730-7229  \---------------    velcro chicken inside the  \
 \   \ hovanes@crackers.b17d.ingr.com \---------    microwave for     \
  \   \ ...uunet!ingr.com!b17d!crackers!hovanes \  radiation treatment.\
   \   \________________________________________________________________\
    \  /                                                                / 
     \/________________________________________________________________/


    :: :: :: :: ::       Synth           synth@euler.unm.edu       Hell Hath
 :: :: :: :: :: :: ::    (F. Oberheim)   synth@yenta.alb.nm.us     No Pizza. 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
|1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, the rest in death! I got out alive!|
--------------------------------------------------------------------------


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ svp9015@ccu.umanitoba.ca      +          6      The neighbor of the   +     
+      Brian Greenberg          +         6 8             Beast         +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 


+------------------------------+--------------------------------------+
| Drew Lawson                  |  If you're not part of the solution, |
| lawson@bdcd102.nrl.navy.mil  |  you're part of the precipitate.     |
| 71141.1660@CompuServe.COM    |                                      |
+------------------------------+--------------------------------------+


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jamie ... char *i; main(){for (i=(char *) malloc(31457280);;*(i+=4096)=1);}
Written On  Friday, October 25, 1991  at  02:14:14am EDT
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


J. Fielek
"I drank WHAT?!" - Socrates

J. Fielek
They may be PC, but at least they're stupid.

J. Fielek
Where's my underwear?

J. Fielek
Professional Polack...


========================== vest@novavax.nova.edu =============================
= Steven Vest: Electronic Reference Librarian: Nova University, Ft. Ldl, FL  =
=      Anything you see by me is just MY opinion.  Don't blame Nova.         =
=================Life is strange. Yeah, but compared to what?================= 


+=cause=love's=such=an=old=fashioned=word=and=love=dares=you=to=care=for=the=+ 
| people on the edge of the light and love dares you to change our way of    |
| caring about ourselves this is our last dance this is our last dance this  |
+=is=ourselves=-=under=pressure=<Michael Murphy/murphy@symcom.math.uiuc.edu>=+


Robert C. White Jr.          | There is a better than average possibility
rwhite@jagat <look it up 8-)<| that every member of the congress could be
"It's not apathy, per se,    | dismissed on constitutional grounds. Somewhere
 I just don't think I care"  | I recall it saying "the congress shall act."


 ______  __________________            LOOK, UP IN THE SKY,
/__/__/\/__/_____/_____/__/\           ITS A BIRD,
\  \  \ \  \  ___\  __ \  \ \          ITS A PLANE,
 \  \  \_\  \ \__ \ \_\ \  \ \         ITS A FROG...
 _\  \   __  \  _\ \    /_  \ \        A FROG?????
/__\  \  \ \  \ \___\  __ \  \ \       ITS UNDERDOG!!!!!!
\______\__\/\__\_____\_\/\_\__\/       jheris@work2.EBay.Sun.COM


         _
        =@=	   Therefore being justified     Michael Freeman
      =@@@@@=   by faith, we have peace with     University of Illinois
        =@=     God through our Lord Jesus          at Urbana/Champaign
        =@=     Christ.  Romans 5:1              mtf39190@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
         -

--
The following are all quotes that had brief lives in the .signature of
Carrie, at  ceb@dbrus.unify.com :
--

"Test everything; retain what is good."  1 Thessalonians 5:21

"The Americans call me by value, and the Europeans call me by name."
						 - Niklaus Wirth

"To every hard problem, there's a simple solution, and it's wrong." - Turski

"Creativity in programming is to find deep simplicities in a complex
	process."					- Harlan Mills

"Life is uncertain.  Eat dessert first."  - Anon.

"Science, as actually practiced, is a complex dialogue between data and
	 preconceptions."			- Steven Jay Gould

"Of life the mingled wine and brine I sit and sip pipslipsily." - Anon.

"The brain that processes these words as you read them is NOT the one you
		were born with."		- Steven Jay Gould

"Other sports exist only to keep you occupied until baseball season comes
	 around again."					- Dave Barry

"I'm new to C and need to know how to get random numbers returned."  "Just
  send them back to the manufacturer with the original packaging and the
  receipt.  What?  You didn't keep the receipt?"   	- Anon.

"A woman has to work twice as hard as a man to be considered half as good.
	 Fortunately it's not hard."			- Anon.

"She loves to laugh, and when she smiles you just see teeth for miles and 
  miles, and tonsils, and spare ribs, and things too fierce to mention."
		 from  "A Horse Named Bill", children's folksong

"Do not overbake."
 		- complete recipe instructions for Missy's Oatmeal Cookies

"The best debugging tool ... is the human mind."	- Harlan Mills

"If someone is unwilling to help in an effective procedure for finding er-
  rors, there's something wrong with that person ... "  - Freedman & Weinberg

"Technical work needs reviewing for the same reason that pencils need
    erasers."			- Daniel P. Freedman & Gerald M. Weinberg

"Age and treachery will always conquer youth and skill."  - Anon.

"Never" is about six months.   -- Charlie Gibbs

For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.   -- Anon.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.  -- Anon.

.. one of those cliches that are always lying in wait to fill a vacuum in
	 the brain.		- H.W. Fowler

Ferengi: any senate subcommittee - Susan Atwater (Star Trek crew from Hell)


Carrie		ceb@dbrus.unify.com	x6244     ----------------------------+
|  There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.     |
|					   --     Mark Twain		      |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+

===============================================================================
From: geiser@roadrunner.pictel.com (Wayne Geiser)

Here are a few of the quotes which have graced my sigs (I've used
hundreds over the years):


"Death is nature's way of saying 'Howdy.'"
        -Unknown.

"I have had just about all I can take of myself."
    - S.N. Behrman (1893 - 1973) on reaching the age of 75.

RUBE WALKER: "Hey, Yogi, what time is it?"
YOGI BERRA:  "You mean now?"

MARY LINDSAY: "You look nice and cool Yogi."
YOGI BERRA:   "You don't look so hot yourself."

"There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking
 like an idiot."
    - Stephen Wright.

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its
 limits."
    - Unknown.

"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's
 unfamiliar territory."
    - Paul Fix.

"It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a
 resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to
 physics or chemistry."
        - H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956).

"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they
 have a common enemy."
        - Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980).

"I married beneath me.  All women do."
        - Nancy, Lady Astor (1879 - 1964).

"Wise men make proverbs but fools repeat them."
        - Samuel Palmer (c. 1710).

"Naturally, we feel that mentally ill people are not what we are
 looking for when we hire programmers - although there are no empirical
 data to support or contradict that view."
        - Gerald M. Weinberg ("The Psychology of Computer
          Programming").

"Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is
 so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the disgusting grammar they
 use."
    - Mark Twain.

"I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks in batting
 practice."
        - Casey Stengel.

"See that fella over there?  He's twenty years old.  In ten years he's
 got a chance to be a star.  Now that other fella over there, he's
 twenty years old, too.  In ten years he's got a chance to be thirty."
        - Casey Stengel.

"You have to have a catcher, because if you don't, you're likely to
 have a lot of passed balls."
        - Casey Stengel.

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief
 that one's work is terribly important."
        - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970).

"Sometimes when I look at my children I say to myself, 'Lillian, you
 should have stayed a virgin.'"
        - Lillian Carter, mother of Jimmy and Billy.

"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who
 can't read them."
        - Mark Twain (1835 - 1910).

"Ronald Reagan is the Fred Astaire of foot-in-mouth disease."
        - Jeff Davis.

"Not all who own a harp are harpists."
        - Marcus Terentius Varro (Roman historian).

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
   	- Stephen Wright.

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
        - Oscar Wilde (Irish poet).

"Mother is the name of God in the lips and hearts of little children."
        - William Thackeray (British novelist).
-- 
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* Wayne Geiser ("Drivel King")           Voice:    (508) 977-8253    *
* PictureTel Corporation                 FAX:      (508) 532-6893    *
* One Corporation Way                    Internet: geiser@pictel.com *
* Peabody, MA      01960                 CIS:      70313,3615        *
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"The easiest person to deceive is one's own self."
        - Edweard Lytton (British novelist).
-- 
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