From: vh00+@andrew.cmu.edu (Vernon H Harmon)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.strips
Subject: The best Far Sides
Date: 16 Apr 92 19:28:33 GMT
Organization: Sophomore, Math/Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA

Well, I recently went through my retained pages from this year's desk
calendar, and these are the ones I found to be the best (I'm including
those I have already seen mentioned for completeness' sake)

Jan 11-12:
"Ditchdiggers school"
5 students digging ditches in a classroom with a dirt floor.
The teacher is pointing at one student whose ditch is really crooked
(the others are alll perfectly straight) and saying "Raymond!!..Keep
your eyes on your own work!"
In the corner are piled spare shovels and on the black board it says:
"Final Exam: Have you got..... 1. your shovel?  2. backup shovel?"
(there's also one guy upside-down in his ditch--all you see are his feet)

Jan 10:
"Someday, son, this will all be yours."
The father bird is telling his son this--they are perched on the back of
a rhino.

Mar 21-22:
"Bobo remained free the rest of his life, although he did find it
necessary to seek counseling."
A bear dressed in a tutu, a hat and a muzzle is riding a bike into the
forest--he has just ridden through the side of the circus tent leaving a
bear-sized hole.

Apr 3:
"Well, Mr. Rosenburg, your lab results look pretty good--although I
might suggest your testosterone level is a tad high."
Mr. Rosenburg is sitting on the examination table with scraggly growths
of hair all over him looking very neanderthalish.

Apr 7:
"Oh, man...I've been away too long."
A wolf in a convertible is driving into a city of straw buildings--all
the cars he passes have pigs driving.

Apr 13:
"Lost in the desert? Dying of thirst? Next time, bring along a.... Jones
Bros. Canteen"
A man is sprawling on the desert ground looking up at this billboard. In
the corner of the billboard is a man holding a canteen, saying "Seems
like they're always full!"

Jan 17:
"Again? Why is it that the revolution always gets this far and then
everyone just chickens out?"
Of course, this is the head of a mob of chickens wielding bats and
pitchforks, standing outside of the farmer's door.

Jan 18-19:
"My God, Nathu! They're like nothing I've ever seen!"
Two eskimoes are staring at a spaceship that has landed--and at the
aliens, who look just like cactii.

Jan 23:
"Geraldo Rivera of the wild"
A lion with a Geraldo hairdo is holding a microphone saying "Our guests
today all share the strange behavior of dressing up like other species
and mating out of season...Jack, let's start with you..."
The panel of guests include a deer, a giraffe and some large rat-like
animal--in the audience are all kinds of other wild animals.

Feb 1-2:
"When crows dream"
A crow is asleep in his nest. He is dreaming of finding a dead elephant
squashed in the middle of the road.

Feb 4:
Restrooms
An astonished crowd has gathered in front of a little
outhouse/restroom--behind it, out of sight, is a young boy playing the
tuba and apparently oblivious to what's going on.

Feb 6:
"Jimmy meets Mr. Ed."
A kid is making a model airplane and his bottle of glue is saying "Hey!
What's going on? Wilbur!.. Where am I?"

Feb 12:
"With their parents away, the young dragons would stay up late lighting
their sneezes."

Feb 15-16:
"The cur....Laffite has once again given me the slip...and in front of my men."
The captain of a ship is holding a dress-slip which he just took out of
a gift-box. His men are looking at him and they're all watching another
ship sail away. On the other ship is a guy waving at them.

Feb 21:
"Zorak, you idiot! You've mixed incompatible species in the earth terrarium!"
One large alien is yelling at another one who is looking through a
microscope. On the wall are shelves with jars containinf animals and
aliens--including one with some trees and a bear attacking a hunter.

Feb 25:
"Before paper and scissors"
Three cavemen are playing "rock". One says "Dang! Tied again! Ready...
One, two, three!" and all three throw down their fists.

Mar 2:
"In the Chicken Museum"
A large display of the reassembled bones of a fossilized prehistoric
chicken with fangs is being observed by a family of chickens--two adults
and some babies. One of the adults is making an "oooo!" face and
pointing at the big chicken. There's a sign that points off panel to the
Egg Exhibit and another display in the corner of various sized
drumsticks.

Jan 22:
"Oh, hey! I just love these things!...Crunchy on the outside and a chewy
center!"
Two polar bears are munching on an igloo.

Mar 5:
"And now, Randy, by use of song, the male sparrow will stake out his
territory...and instinct common in the lower animals."
A man is telling his son this, while they stand in their back
yard--which is marked off by a fence, as are all the yards in the
neighborhood.

Mar 6:
"It's a fax from your dog, Mr. Dansworth. It looks like your cat."
On the fax paper we see the image of a cat like it had been squished and
sent through the fax.

Mar 10:
"Suddenly, second-chair granite rock's jealousy of first-chair granite
rock becomes uncontainable."
A caveman is conducting a prehistoric orchestra--complete with "granite
rock," sticks, and hollow logs with mouthpieces. One of the players is
hitting the one in front of him on the head with a rock.

Mar 14-15:
"No way, Fenwick... Your kids got the last box...This one's mine!"
One scientist is holding a really huge box that's open at one end--it's
marked "Yes! It's a.... Polaris Missile"

Mar 12:
"No *way* am I going to that party tonight! I won't know anyone there,
and that means I'll be introduced--*and you know I never learned how to
shake!*"
A dog is telling his wife this while he holds a newspaper. She's holding
her purse and has one paw on her hip with a look like "Oh, god, not this
again!"
On the wall is a portrait of a mangy old mutt.