From: jgacker@neptune.gsfc.nasa.gov (James G. Acker)
Subject: B&B:  Woeful Wednesday
Content-Type: text
Organization: Computer Science, Indiana University
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1993 17:08:52 -0500 (EST)
X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4beta PL16]
Content-Length: 5712      



     This one was a real place-holder, folks.  I don't know
if I can even rev the humor engines.  But you never know.

     BadWednesday on "The Bold and the Bauhouse"

     REAL VILLAINESSES ONLY WEAR SILK

     Sheila is moping around the house after the switching
fiasco, wearing a short blue silk robe.  Nice way to mope.
She realizes the paternity problem is "out of her hands", a
current catch-phrase, and soliloquies, "How stupid thou art,
oh winsome tart!  'Twas just a switch, you stupid witch!  To
change the label, but I was unable!  'Twas so absurd, for
guard Mike is a nerd!"   To cheer herself up, she decides to
send Lauren the fourth puzzle piece, also a corner, so now
Lauren has a Dean Smith puzzle (4 corners!).  Sheila
relaxes, knowing that Lauren will be off her back and then
Sheila will be free to be on hers, with Eric, because Lauren
won't want Scott -- or the custody judge -- to see the pics.
Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.  It's Eric.  With the
puzzle and the pictures strewn all over the kitchen counter,
Sheila is reluctant to allow him admission.  But she lets
him in after covering up the stuff with a dish towel.
     Eric starts talking.  Are you worried?  Upset?
Something bothering you?  Did you think I didn't know
what kind of woman you were?  What kind of lengths you would
go to in order to keep our love alive?  Sheila hears
accusation in his tone and assumes the worst, that her past
has found her out.  Instead, Eric calls her a sweet, lovely
woman and kisses her brains out.
     Postculation, they sit and chat.  Eric reassures her
that all will be well, no matter who's sperm did the deed.
Sheila is really happy and pleased and offers to be Eric's
wombmate if it "turns" out (hahahahaha) that the babe is
Ridge's little girl.  Why thank you, Eric says, I just might
take you up on that.  Oh, Eric, you put just the right spin
on things.  (hahahaha)   As they hug, Sheila spies the letter
addressed to the Genoa City postmaster still lying on the
kitchen counter.
     That's a real cliffhanger for ya.  Yowee.

     THE SPECTRA SHIP IS AWASH, MATEY

     Sally comes into the office, past Darla.  Darla sees
she's worried.  Jack is not his usual pliable self, Sally
admits -- seeing Stephanie stiffened his spine.  It'll be
fine, Sal, don't worry about it.  Oh yeah, time for a budget
meeting.  Jack and Saul arrive.  Jack is trez distrezzed --
the bottom line is located somewhere near the Titanic, and
the operative word is RED.  Sally asks for a moment alone
with Jack.  She vants to talk roMANce.  Jack can't believe
she has her mind on his pants when his is on the corporate
wallet.  He can't take the pleat and heads for the door.
Darla sees him go and smiles, then sees Sally's face and
frowns.
     What's wrong?  We're in it up to our nostrils, honey,
and we need Operation Camille to bail us out.  Darla finally
tells Sally she caught a glimpse of the Forrester plans.  We
don't need no steenkin' glimpses, we need a picture -- or
are you going soft on me 'cause your soft on Spence?  I
can't believe you'd ask that!   No way, Sally, I'm in it and
I'm ready to go.  I'm a survivor, Sally tells Darla, we'll
pull it off.  But we need those plans before the Forrester
models strut the runway next month!  Darla exits for costume
Camille, while Sally worries and waits.

     BLEATING A DEAD SHEEP

     Jack, who must own the fastest Yugo in Beverly Hills,
arrives at the Forrester mansion moments after leaving the
Spectra offices.  (A plug for "SILVER SANDS"  -- this makes
sense on a beach!)  He asks Sally if he can come in and
talk.     She reluctantly allows him inside.  Jack comes
straight forth with it -- he can't stop thinking about her.
Especially everytime he drives by the camping equipment
store on Van Nuys Blvd.  You want to go camping?  Steph
asks.  No, it reminds me of your pantsuits!   Getting back
to the show, Stephanie reminds him that he's got a
relationship going with Sally.  But not like what we had,
honey -- we had more.  Stephanie makes him take a step back
when she informs him that honesty is a two-way street --
with her, what you see is what you get, but with him, the
real background came out in little bits and pieces.  Not my
style.  Style shmyle, Jack says, lets face the facts.  I
still LUVS you, and you must still love me.  Stephanie
admits that in some foolish, juvenile way she probably still
does love him -- but she's older, wiser, and smarter and
knows that love is a foolish emotion.  She chastises him for
coming and making her hurt more, and asks him to remove
himself from the premises and the reminisces.  Jack tries
the "go for the arm" gambit, but Stephanie cries "Unhand me,
thou blackguard fiend" and orders him from the castle.  Jack
reluctantly goes, and once again, Stephanie looks as if she
swallowed a three-day-old dead cat after he leaves.

     I _think_ that was it.  It's bugging me that I might
have forgotten something, but I know there was no Brooke,
Taylor, Ridge, Thorne, Karen, Spence, Sly -- or Macy, of
course.

     Tune in tomorrow, when Doc Tracy mumbles to herself:

     "I was going to put these samples in the centrifuge,
but the plasma has already separated.  Hmmm..."

     

============================================================
|  James G. Acker                       Occasional Genius  |
|  jgacker@neptune.gsfc.nasa.gov        Regular Swimmer    |
|                                                          |
|  "A good time to get revenge on your enemy is when he    |
|   is having an orgasm -- at least if you are a stump-    |
|   tailed macaque."                                       |
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