From: enigma@netcom.com (Enigma)
Subject: Re: Group Therapy
Organization: Netcom - Online Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Mon, 9 Nov 1992 17:21:34 GMT

In article <BxGHEq.MDA@twwells.com> anon-1366@twwells.com writes:
>**BOB BOYD***
>
>By your language, you are suggesting that I am breaking some sort of
>code of silence.  I AM NOT!   But in case you haven't realized, BOB,
>this service permits ANONYMOUS posting...so ANONYMITY can be guaranteed.
>
>Therefore, I would think that I what I have said in my posting GROUP
>THERAPY does not violate any sort of "contract".
>
>I think I have a perfect right, as does anybody else to post what I
>am feeling, and that I am not breaking any sort of contract...only if
>I start naming names, etc. etc. will I be breaking any sort of contract.
>
>Also, if I vented as much anger to the group and therapist as I did 
>this dumb computer, the group would suffer more than this 1200 dollar
>piece of junk---you get my drift Bob.  Next time think before you
>spew about confidentiality and contracts etc. etc. 

I don't know how Bob meant what he said, but I didn't get the
feeling that he was accusing you of breaking this "contract".
I thought he was saying that it might be useful to express
your anger in the group, that it would be of greater benefit
to you than talking about it to us.

You say the group would suffer if you vented your anger to
them. I think it's the therapist's job to handle that.  Most
of us grew up in families where anger was devastating and
unthinkable, and it's kind of wonderful to discover that you
can tell someone that you are angry with them and not have
the world come to an end.

In my case, just last week I got upt the courage to tell my
therapist that I was feeling angry at her.  I felt like she
was pushing me to work on an issue that I'm not ready to
resolve, and when I didn't she appeared to withdraw and
become distant and disapproving.  So I told her, and I got to
see how an emotionally healthy person handles having somebody
get angry with them.  It was a *lot* different than the way
my parents handled it.  She controlled any impulse to get
angry in return, and examined her own behavior and issues
about the situation.  Turns out she was trying not to show
that she was worried about me.  Therapists aren't supposed to
worry about their patients or something, and they aren't
supposed to make their clients have to deal with their (the
therapist's) issues.  But I'm very good at reading
expressions, so her face gave her away.  I felt really good
afterwards. 

I have also had the experience of getting very angry at my
SO.  It did both of us a lot of good to know that we can get
angry at each other and not break up.  I think it
strengthened our relationship - we know we can handle any
emotions that come up between us.  Which means we can be
honest with each other.

Again, I don't know what Bob meant by what he said, I only 
know  how I interpreted it.  Your milage may vary.  Your 
original  article hasn't arrived at our site yet for some
-- 
Holly McGrath   <enigma@netcom.com> 
1803 Mission Street, #339          
Santa Cruz, CA 95060              
(408) 479-4072  (voice mail)     
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery