From: DeadHead@cup.portal.com (Bruce M Ong)
Newsgroups: ba.singles
Subject: Re: Needing help greeting 30!!
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 92 15:47:25 PST
Organization: The Portal System (TM)
Distribution: ba
  <1992Dec29.183314.2269@netcom.com>

>joselyn@clio.asd.sgi.com (Trish Joselyn) writes:
>
>>Is there any
>>chance as a new poster, that I could get some advice getting over this
>>hump?  I'm having a hard time turning 30.  Not *so* much from me, mostly
>>from family, i.e., I'm not married, I'm childless, {it's okay mom!!!} and
>>I'm very independent of men.  Any friendly advice would be most welcome!!!
>
>
>    30??! Thirty! God, I don't wanna even think about the big 3-0!    
>I'm 'celebrating' my last twenty's birthday today with mixed emotions.
>
>As I reach this peak and look around, I see hundreds of married people
>and thousands of couples. And, their number grows geometrically
>with each day, without me. 

	Peer pressure, peer pressure, hypnotic TV commercials with these
beautiful couples in them (would somebody please tell the ad agency that 
handles the <<Eden Roc Champagne>> account that the 70's are OVER?). ;-)

	It's interesting how much symbolism the world has attached to 
being 30. It's like: Oh! by 30 you should have your shit together, you
should be well off, blah blah... That puts a lot of pressure on the individual.
I used know somebody who is a brilliant shakespearian actor who went to Harvard
drama school. Few months before he turned 30 he kinda went bonkers... lost
in his own room staring at the walls all the time, and ignored all his
friends... that's the last I heard of him... At the time, we just knew that
he was having a tough time dealing with being 30 because all along his life
he kinda had an idea of what he should be like (financially, career wise, 
relationship wise, etc.) when turning 30, but by the time 30 hit, the reality
and the imagination didnt match... I dont know where he is now... I hope that
one day I will see him in a film, for he really has great talent -- at parties
when he did the role of Othello the women would virtually fall at his feet...

	I think  we should be cautious of our own expectations of what
we should become  at the age of 30, otherwise we would set ourselves up
for a lot of disappointments.

>and it's frustrating the hell out of me that I really 
>can't figure out what I want to do with my life other than to have a good time
.
>
	I think 'figuring out what to do with my life' is one of these
traps that somehow we fall into unknowingly. I did that! -- until I began to
remind myself that it's OK not to have a grandiose plan in life, and that
it's okay to not be rational about this little wonder we call 'life.' 
("Exterminate all rational thought" says William S. Burroughs). I think setting
long term and short term goals and trying to achieve these goals are much
easier to deal with than to come up with a grand plan of your own life, and
try to meet it. I dont know... 
	
>On the other hand, I absolutely love the emerging high-technology gadgets
>and electronics. Star Trek is coming out not only with new epsiodes
>but a whole new series. And, I have accumulated enough miles to go anywhere
>I want; free!. I've never been to Europe or even out of the US/Canada and I 
>need to get back to the Bahamas (just an earshot out of the US). I'm meeting 
>so many new people all the time and some of them are real gems.
>And, I have some truly wonderful close friends. And, geographically, I 
>couldn't be happier. Silicon Valley is absolutely heavenly for me. I'm
>proud of myself for leaving the east coast so young in life (4 years ago).
>
	That's beautiful... I somehow I feel that it's the small joys like
these (and other experiences one goes through) which decorate the trail of 
life that give it meaning and purpose.  I mean, people can sit there and
plan and dream and debate -- "what am I gonna do with my life? what am I
gonna do with my life? what am I gonna do with my life" but maybe that's
not really the point. The point is that today is here and that it is
raining, and that you talked to a few good friends on the phone and maybe
you are meeting them for dinner, and that tomorrow maybe you are going
on a date, and you get to know another human being and what she is feeling
and thinking about, from which you get new insights and perspective on life,
and hopefully you make a new friend, and that the day after tomorrow you
get to bid farewell to another year which all of a sudden you realize is
going by faster and faster as you grow older, and that it will be a few
months before you start writing 1993 on your checks, and that next saturday
you will hear one more episode of west coast weekend and Garrison Keilor's
Cafe Beuf on radio...
>
>So, while 30 is right nextdoor from me and I don't want to think about it,
>it's inevitable. But also inevitable are the new experiences, new people, and
>new awareness which comes with age. And, that's what life is all about 
>to a 29 year old. 
>
	You are right about the new experiences and new awareness that come with
age.  Turning 30 is one of the best things for me. The 20's were kind of
confusing, especially earlier 20's. Now i no longer feel like a fly buzzing
around the world without a head... life seems to be more focused and  
purposeful -- yet I cannot articulate what its purpose is for me.  Also, there
is a better feeling of confidence and hope -- like I am actually looking 
forward to the next decade for it will be mine.  The puzzle of life has been
gradually  pieced together starting in my late 20's, and by  now there 
are enough pieces together in the right places so  I get a sense of what life 
means -- but still there are enough missing pieces for it to be exciting and 
mysterious. It's a wonderful feeling, and I have to say life is a beautiful
piece of puzzle... 

	You'll have fun being thirtysomething!

>
>-- 
>Marvin Raab                                  
>marv@netcom.com                              Mountain View, CA 94040
>apple.com!netcom.com!marv                    415-961-6501 (h)
----
/bruce 		"Death is easy, it's living that's hard."