From: pharvey@mipos3.intel.com (Paul Harvey)
Newsgroups: rec.gardens
Subject: FAQ: 10 COMMANDMENTS OF LAWNMOWERS
Summary: (or how I learned to love the reel)
Keywords: Lawnmower: the transcendant of SUBurban US culture
Date: 10 Apr 92 18:03:25 GMT
Followup-To: rec.gardens.can.we.put.this.mower.thread.2.bed?

1. THOU SHALT USE ONLY A SELF-PROPELLED, REEL-TYPE MOWER
Yes, they are hard to find. You will not make any mower salesman's day with
the purchase of a push-reel (real) mower. They are inexpensive and last for
lifetimes, and are commonly found at garage sales. They cut each individual 
blade of grass with the delicate slow motion of fine bonsai cutting shears. 
Contrast this to the butcher-job done by the toe-eating, baby-rabbit-shreding, 
noisy-polluting, rotary, pseudo-mowers. (How's that for ad copy?)

2. THOU SHALT NOT MAINTAIN A LAWN LARGER THAN THOU CAN MOW WITH A
   PUSH MOWER.
The karma gained is inversely proportional to the size of the lawn. Extra
points for no lawn or sub-square foot lawns. Yes, container lawns and
square-foot lawns are in style, trust me. Beaucoup extra credit for 
re-establishing a wildflower prarie. Please, have some class, we are
talking about lawns, not pastures! If it's a pasture, get some grazing
animals already.

3. THOU SHALT NOT CONVERSE WITH SELLERS OF POWER OR MULCHING MOWERS,
   BE THEY MAN, WOMAN, OR BEAST
Mulching mowers are the latest marketing gimick from Madison Avenue and that's
in NYC!, what could they possibly know about lawns! Laugh an inner laugh
when you hear about another purchase of a mulching mower. Lawn mower
salesmen are used-car salesmen who couldn't make it as used-car salesmen.
But forgive them, they know not what they do.

4. THOU SHALT CUT AT THE HIGHEST SETTING AND LEAVE THE CUTTINGS AS 
   THEY MAY FALL
By not removing the cuttings, you do not remove nutrients from the lawn.
They will decompose just fine on their own without the need for a mulching
mower.

5. THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBORS POWER MOWER, MULCHING MOWER, 
   ACCESORIES, OR OTHER LAWN APPLIANCES
Seriously, this is much worse then coveting your neighbor's ass. (OPP,
yea you know me!)

6. THOU SHALT NOT USE FERTILIZER
There is hardly ever any need, if there is, grow something else already.
Save the fertilizer for your garden, where it is needed.

7. THOU SHALT NOT USE HERBICIDES
Grass is such an invasive plant, (it's the worst of weeds, just ask any 
real gardener), it will smother out other plants and most plants can't 
take the constant shearing.

8. THOU SHALT NOT EVEN CONSIDER PRODUCTS SUCH AS FEED-N-WEED
These are just more Madison Avenue concepts designed to separate you
from your money. Put your money in a good, no-load, GNMAE mutual fund
instead, it will yield interest.

9. THOU SHALT NOT IRRIGATE
The grass will recover when the rains return. If you must irrigate, water
deeply with from 1" in sand to 5" in clay, measured with cups set out
in your lawn. If you saturate the lawn and start getting runoff, STOP!
Wait a couple hours, and continue until you get all the water down in the
lawn, not down the street! Once you figure out the sprinkler schedule for
your lawn, you can program it into a timer. Do not water again, (weeks go by), 
until the grass begins to go California-Golden, then repeat if you must. 
The more you water, the more you will mow.

[the remainder of the stone tablet was broken off, sorry]

Newsgroups: rec.gardens