From: sleibowitz@hamp.hampshire.edu
Subject: Re: backrubs
Organization: Hampshire College
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1992 17:32:51 GMT

In article <1992Oct1.111141.1@vax.sonoma.edu>, lane@vax.sonoma.edu wri
> I 
> feel that if your going to give a person a backrub or massage, that 
> person should either:
> 
>      A. YOUR BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND.
>      B. SOMEONE THAT YOUR ARE TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH AND WOULD'NT MIND 
>         IF ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER.
>      C. IF IT WAS A MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY AND YOU KNOW THAT NOTHING 
>         WILL HAPPEND.

Ahem.  I disagree most vehemently.  Giving someone a backrub is a gesture of
warmth and caring, but is not sexual by nature.  I honestly don't think I can
count how many times I've had a quick backrub by friends of both sexes
(although I'm not sure it matters, I'm heterosexual).  These weren't given by
people who expected the backrub to lead to something else, or who were at all
interested in generating any form of sexual response.  They were just given
friend to friend, for the purpose of relieving muscle tension and stress.

That's not to say that anything goes, or at least that anything goes w/o
caution.  If you feel like giving a full body massage with oil and a piece of
velvet, fine, but you'd better make very sure that most parties understand
whether or not to expect anything afterward.  Personally, I would feel
uncomfortable giving a massage like that to anyone I wasn't intimate with, but
others might not.  

> Backrubs can sometimes make a person get in a very sexual mood that 
> could be very dangerous to the person who is massaging.

Yes, they can, but they don't always.  Someone who is receiving a "non-sexual"
backrub who starts to become aroused has two choices: deal with it later or ask
the masseur/masseuse to stop (politely).  Pardon the semi-graphic example, but
having someone hold your genitalia can cause sexual arousal, but it's much less
likely to do so in a doctor's office.

I should also probably add that people who are more comfortable with their
bodies (and other people's), and less aversive of physical contact, are _less_
likely to respond sexually to a backrub when it's inappropriate (at least, in
my experience).

>  I can 
> reacall a time when I was giving someone a back massage when she 
> started blurting out all type of romantic gestures as if I was really 
> turning her on, but to me she was only a friend.  She then told me 
> that I was really sexy and romantic young man I that I was just a 
> tease.  I had no ideal that I was turning this youn lady on but 
> instead I was.  

I would wager, then, that it wasn't the backrub that caused this embarassing
situation, though it served as a catalyst.  My bet is that this young lady was
attracted to you already and misconstrued the purpose of the massage.  Note
that if it had been your sister, or a male friend, or what have you, the
response would probably have been entirely non-sexual.  In short, the problem
was that you didn't know what you were getting into. 
  
> To sum this short little reply up; never start something you can;t 
> finish because you can hurt yourself as well as others.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.  And the best way to avoid starting something
you can't finish is to know what it is you're starting.

						Your humble servant,
						    Smiling Wolf

sleibowitz@hamp.hampshire.edu
"No, for the last time, you
 don't cook with _this_ 
 cocoa butter..."