From: t923335@minyos.xx.rmit.oz.au (IronEagle )
Subject: Re: What can I do? Who can I turn to?
Organization: RMIT Computer Centre, Melbourne Australia.
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1992 10:57:26 EST

lisad@dynamo.ecn.purdue.edu (Lisa Dominique) writes:

>>Well, this aint easy to talk about but, I have to tell someone, so I
>>figure you guys and gals could offer me some advice, if not some
>>comfort too....

>That's okay.  We're here for support cause we care about you.

I know, you guys are all really wonderful.... I dont know what I would
do without you all....

>>I have a friend who's family....nope...not good, I will be honest and
>>drop the lies from the beginning...*sigh*

>*BIG HUG*  Not easy, is it?  Thanks for being upfront.

Well, I made a deal with myself a year or two ago when I had personal
problems, to be honest with myself, and my friends...

>>Okay, this is to do with *my* family....

>Okay....

>        (description of abusive situation deleted)

>I think a lot of people have responded to you about this,
>so I'll try to add something new.  I see everyone's life
>in danger here, not just physically, but mentally too.
>Abuse in any way, shape or form is destructive, humiliating,
>dangerous, and above all, it tears a person's soul right out
>of them, and replaces their once serene soul with fear and
>terror and hate that cannot be let go, so the hate is kept
>within and grows into depression.  It's a vicious cycle of 
>destruction.  The worse thing about it is often, so very
>often, the abuser gets away "scot-free".  It isn't fair
>to the victims.  Your mother is a victim, and so are you.
>But remember, you are both survivors also!  *HUG*
>The best thing for your mother to do is to find safe
>shelter for a while, but that must be her choice.  He
>obviously has her so afraid of him, that she's probably
>afraid of what he'd do to her if she left and then he found
>her again.  Someone mentioned Counseling.  Counseling is
>a *wonderful* and *growing* experience, **IF** the people
>being counseled **WANT** to grow and change and better 
>themselves.  Counseling is like building a house....When
>you build a house, you have a toolbox filled with tools. If
>you don't use the tools, you will never have the house built.
>In Counseling people are given types of tools to integrate
>and work into their life; if they don't use these tools, no
>growth occurs.  Both have to WANT to grow and better themselves.
>Altho, I do believe counseling would be good for your mom,
>even if she went alone; BUT, would your father let her go?
>Probably not; he would probably see it as a threat of sorts.

Well, as for what you have written, you are correct, alot of people
have resopnded, and I am sorry if I havent got around to replying to
everyone personally, but I do really apprecaite the advice, guidane,
and supprot that you have all given me through this time....

>Damien, I think you need to concentrate on YOU for a little
>while and try to find out what YOU feel is right.  Someone
>mentioned you not joining in and fighting with your father.
>They have a good point.  You don't want to end up like him,
>do you?  You need to be one-step ahead of him at all times,
>somehow....Hopefully someone else has the answer to this
>"somehow".... I realize you want to "save" your mother,
>and I understand the resentment you carry for your father,
>but in the meantime, with all this happening, don't let
>go of the sight of Yourself, of Damien, of who he is and 
>what he wants to be....  Whatever you do, Do it with Pride.

Hmmm...well this is a little difficult, as I have in my life always
been there first and foremost for my friends, (and family), after
being like that for so long, it is hard to concerntrate on oneself,
but I am gradually learning......

>**Many Many Many Warm Caring Huggs**

Thanks  *LOTS OF HUGS BACK*

Damien

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