From: garnet@borland.com (Garnet Chaney)
Subject: Re: love
Originator: garnet@genghis.borland.com
Organization: Borland International
Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1992 01:14:27 GMT

In article <BxCpFu.BBz@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> catherin@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Catherine Manry) writes:
>In article <1992Nov5.172016.1@acme.claremont.edu>, greg@acme.claremont.edu (Tigger) writes:
>> In article <Bx9AAt.69B@mentor.cc.purdue.edu>, catherin@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Catherine Manry) writes:
>> > In article <1992Nov4.111748.1@acme.claremont.edu>, greg@acme.claremont.edu (Tigger) writes:
>> >> 
>> >> Because the number of decent women left is so small that it might as
>> >> well be zero.
>> > 
>> > tsk..tsk...such a negative attitude....the same attitude can also hold
>> > for decent guys
>> 
>> Perhaps that's true.  Another person responded saying so.  But I personally
>> know only one woman who says the same thing about men.  Perhaps I don't
>> know the right women, which could also be why I feel the way I do.  But
>> I've just been reamed too many times in a row to believe any other way.
>> I'd love to find one of those three or four who are left, but what are the
>> odds?
>
>
>Just have to be patient...the right one will come along someday...enjoy
                           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Sorry Catherine, just gotta jump in here about this. Every electronic forum
is infected with common misconceptions. Two issues:
    1) "The right one"
    2) "come along someday"

1) "The right one" is a cruel myth perpetuated by those who can think up no 
   better excuse for dumping prospective suitors. Often it's short hand
   for saying something like "God has one special person in mind for you and
   I know I am not that person." Frequently it's practiced by the person who
   has an easy time finding more people to date, or who has gotten so stuck in
   their rut that they dont want to practice the art of compromise and put 
   forth the effort to integrate their life with someone else. There is 
   no such thing as "THE right one" for anyone. The odds are very 
   obviously against such a concept. 
   Within certain confines of compatibility, (for example a sincere 
   Christian probably shouldn't court practicing Satanists), everyone of us 
   is surrounded by a wide range of potential mates who could be blessed as 
   being Mr./Mrs. Right for any of us. What makes the difference? Spending 
   the energy to be Mr./Mrs. Right, on a continuing basis. You could easily 
   marry your Mr./Mrs. Right, but God wont keep that person chained to you if
   you decide to embark on a path of being Mr/Mrs Wrong. That being true,
   it is impossible for the concept of "THE right one" to be true..... When
   using this concept as a way to get rid of a potential suitor, it's either
   a cop out to avoid giving more concrete information to the other on how
   they can better be Mr./Mrs. Right (perhaps sometimes we secretly do not 
   want that person to improve and rehook our feelings),  or we dont want to
   admit that the problem lies entirely within ourselves and that we dont 
   want to commit much effort to the relationship or improvement of ourselves.

2) "Come along someday" is a bunch of happy nonsense that has no basis in
   fact. While not quite on the level of saying "God D*** It!" (who gives
   the person saying that the right to order God around, and furthermore He
   may have already damned said situation or object long before the request),
   "come along someday" is very presumptious, and is closely related to a 
   lot of the standard "soothing" things said at funerals about the 
   deceased for the benefit of the mourners. It's said in the best interests
   of the addressee, but in todays instantly gratified society all it does 
   is accentuate the loss and absence that is being responded to! What is
   the responder going to personally do for the addressee to help insure 
   that someone will, in fact, "come along someday"? In the vast majority
   of cases, absolutely nothing. (Faith would be better placed in the bank 
   that says if you put such-and-so amount of money here each week, you'll 
   be able to retire financially secure, even if Ivan Boeske, or Neil Bush,
   sit on the board of directors.) Let's just face the facts. 
   Some of us are not going to get married, or remarried, and it is not always
   by personal choice that some of us fall into that. Some of us are fated to
   be the statistics that never re/marry, and it could easily be you or I
   or both of us! (Why all the messages on here about "will anyone say if
   they've found love through the net?" For everyone you find out about, it
   just increases the odds that you'll be one of the ones who doesn't!) 
   I can think of a year in my life where I was interested in a couple of 
   different ladies at the same time, and I was sure I'd marry one or the 
   other of them. Eventually I came very close to being able to marry one 
   of them, but I didn't know that until she told me after she'd changed her
   mind....  During that time, I never really thought I'd come to a point 
   several years later where I'd not be married either of them, or anyone 
   else for that matter. Now I just realize it was presumption to think 
   things like "God will harden the heart of the one he doesn't want me 
   with, and soften the heart of the one he does want me with." I know 
   enough other single guys older than myself who are not bothering with
   relationships, (or squandering their resources on relationships that
   fail, like I do), that when it does finally come time to get married,
   they'll have much more resources and a firmer foundation to appear much
   more interesting and appealing than I will..... 
 
>life now while you still have the chance....we can be pretty demanding...
>

I agree a lot with that. I sure miss the old college days of being able
to live on $400 a month, eventhough my rent was $180 a month then. 

>:)

 ;)

 - Me, firmly committed to being a statistic

================================
Disclaimer: All statistical arguments and inferences freely tailored to suit 
  the purposes and preconceptions of the poster. All opinions solely those
  of the author, but not uniquely so, since they are probably shared secretly
  by many others, probably even a majority.... Flamings, of those who take all
  this more seriously than I do, gleefully anticipated. 
================================