From: ericth@i88.isc.com (Eric Thiele)
Subject: Trainer Stolen & Returned 3 times
Organization: INTERACTIVE Systems Corporation, Naperville, IL
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1992 22:10:50 GMT

The Tattler, West Chicago, IL 9/3/92

This just in from the scene at DuPage Airport.

Early this morning, a twin engine Cessna 152 was stolen from, and subsequently 
returned to DuPage Airport.  According to Linda Blum, the only eyewitness 
who would talk to us (the gulls had already fled, in fear for their lives),
the aircraft was savagely beaten about the yoke and throttle and forced to 
comply with the evil desires of the alleged suspect, a white male computer 
programmer.

The flap began around 7am, when the perpetrator, armed with a handheld radio
and a headset, used the cover of fog and scud to sneak onto the airport, and 
cleverly concealed his intentions by disguising the theft as a preflight.

His presence was discovered by Ms. Blum, (President of 14 Echo Flying Club
(708) 330-9139 based at DuPage Airport), who then attempted to stop the
aviation about to be committed.  She thought she was safe due to the MVFR 
conditions, and not wanting to be a crab tried to distract the suspect from his 
plan by confusing him with questions about NEARs and FARS.  But to no avail.
The fog dissipated and the uncontrolled airplane was yanked viciously into the 
air.  

After repeated reruns of "Hi Knots Landings", Ms. Blum gave our suspect the
slip and tumbled out of the aircraft having wrestled the handheld from him.

The alleged aviator then sped away, erratically weaving back and forth, looking
rudderly ridiculous.  Obviously suffering from delusions of Star Wars, the
suspect called the tower and identified himself as First Solo, brother of Han.

He then proceeded to aviate, not just once, but 3 reckless joyrides around the
field.  Loud, unintelligible hooting and hollering was heard as far away as
the North Ramp of the airfield.  Apparently coming to his senses, the thief
decided after all to return to the scene of the crime.  He retrieved Ms. Blum
from the odd praying position she had assumed, and taxied back to the tiedowns.

There was a brief scuffle once the engine was shutdown.  Brandishing a knife
for protection, Ms. Blum did inflict a seriously ripped up Tshirt on the 
suspect.  When the suspect was lined up next to the airplane, N5221B, he was 
shot with a 35 caliber camera.  He had an odd glazed look in his eyes. a
twisted grin on his face, and was heard to be quietly chanting "Ididit"

The suspect is being held in a state of disbelief.  He will be charged with 
soloing, which carries a life sentence of scanning for traffic and thinking up
weak rationalizations for flying like it's cheaper than driving.  The identity
of the suspect is being withheld pending notification of the appropriate 
authorities.  As he was being led away, the suspect was transpondant, shouting
he was on a Quest - "I are venturing about for the unholey, bottomless wallet.."

...

Lessee here, what's my souvenir OshKosh '89 shirt (the cool one with Wittman
Field on the back with the Avemco Aces diving for the crowd) say?
"9-3-92 Eric's 1st Solo C152 N5221B DPA Linda Blum CFIAI 351387158 8/93"

Hope this was a bit amusing for you all.

Eric "YIPPEE!!" Thiele