From: jenk@microsoft.com (Jen Kilmer)
Subject: software development quotes
Date: 30 Dec 92 19:26:34 GMT
Organization: Microsoft Corporation

Looking through my quote files one day, I realized how they
truely help one to understand life in the software industry
(or at least my little corner :)
So without further ado....


...understanding Product Strategy...
"The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your
hands and hoping when a rock would do."

...understanding Marketing...
"...what I told you was true...from a certain point of view." 
        -Ben Kenobi

...understanding Development...
"The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the
 programmer."

...understanding Documentation...
"Why do we expect documentation to accurately describe the product
 when the documentation is finished first?"

...understanding Product Support...
"If *I* can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought."
"Somebody has to save our skins." - Leia Organa

...understanding Customers:
"Any nitwit can understand computers.  Many do."
 Borsheim's Law: "The customer is always lying."

...understanding Hardware...
"Hardware : The parts of a computer system that can be kicked."

...understanding Software...
"Software is written by humans and therefore has bugs." -John Jacobs

...understanding Firmware...     
"Software that's harder to patch." -John Jacobs

...understanding Operating Systems...
"Where the operating system is concerned,
 you don't get to ask "Why?"."

...understanding DOS: 
"A feature is a bug with seniority."

...understanding Windows:
"An elephant is a mouse with an operating system."

...understanding User-Friendly...
"Nice computers don't go down."

...understanding GUIs...
"If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly."

...understanding Memory Management:
"Any given program will expand to fill available memory."

...understanding Mainframes & Minis...
"Never trust a computer you can't lift."

...understanding Intel Architecture...
"There are two types - those who hate the 8086 architecture, and liars."

...understanding Computers' Affect On The Workplace...
"Computers are a fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without
 them."

...understanding Computer Science...
"Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology."

...understanding Programming Languages:
"I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to
 use than eating soup with a knife."

...understanding Error Detection...
"As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error."

...understanding Quality...
"Meets quality standards:  It compiles."

...understanding Responsibility....
"This is all your fault, Artoo." -See Threepio

...understanding How To Combine Budget Cuts, Extra Projects, And 
No Resources...
"Use the Force." - Obi-Wan Kenobi

...understanding Work Satisfaction...
"No reward is worth this." -Han Solo

...understanding Organization...
"I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere."

...understanding The Work Environment...
"If a train station is where the train stops, what's a work station?"

...understanding Email...
"You are in a maze of twisty e-mail messages that all look alike."

...understanding Bureaucracy...
"I am a computer -- dumber than any human and smarter than any
 administrator."

...understanding How To Deal With Authority Figures...
"Yes, Your Worshipfulness." - Han Solo

...understanding Reality...
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."

...understanding Cynicism...
"There's a fine line between an attitude problem and thinking
 clearly."

...understanding Positivism...
"Could be worse." - Leia Organa

...and the Total Key To Understanding Life At Microsoft

"Do not adjust you mind, it is reality that is malfunctioning."

Newsgroups: alt.quotations