From: caz@owlnet.rice.edu (HWRNMNBSOL)
Subject: A Brief History Of Hunting In America
Organization: Rice University
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 1992 04:19:16 GMT

A BRIEF HISTORY OF HUNTING IN AMERICA

The earliest human beings crossed into America via the Amerasian land bridge,
now submerged below the Bering Straits.  In between several of the ice ages,
this piece of land was high and dry, allowing migrating nomadic tribesmen from
the Siberian steppes to cross over into this raw, unspoiled continent.  Why
they did so is something of a mystery to anthropologists, but it is speculated
that these tribes may have been following migrating herds of game.  Hence,
the earliest Americans may very well have been hunters in the true sense of
the word.

Scientists have very little data to back their assertions, since the passing
of the Ice Ages has left very little evidence of human habitation behind.  
However, several tell-tale clues point a damning finger in the direction of
the Hunting Nomads Theory.  For instance, the remains of a charcoal fire
unearthed near Vancouver have bits of caribou meat intermingled with 
buckshot.  Also, the area is littered with pull-tabs.

                             - * -

As tribes began to fill into the American wilderness and carve out niches
for themselves, distinct hunting cultures evolved.  In the great woodlands
of the east, whole civilizations rose up around the practice of stalking and
killing deer.  Every part of the animal was used, except for the yucky bits.
In the sprawling central plains, bands of tribesmen gathered together to
drive the buffalo before them.  They would cunningly herd the animals toward
a cliff and then, inexplicably, would hurl themselves to their deaths.  This
strategem required many innovations before it became popular.  Finally, in the
icy north, the precursors of the Eskimos would amuse themselves by clubbing
baby harp seals to death -- a practice that has since evolved into one of
our nation's most endearing and long-lasting sports.

                             - * -

The coming of the white man to America heralded a new chapter in the annals
of hunting.  The Europeans brought with them new tools to be brought to bear
against their prey: the rifle; the steel trap; the clap.  Christopher
Columbus, possibly the first European to set foot on American soil, is said
to have personally bagged three whitetail, five banded geese, and several
Indians.  However, the game warden apparently interceded and seized one of
the Indians, imposing a stiff penalty in the process.  Columbus swore revenge
and, later on, died of the whooping cough.

However, these upsets were not to deter European advancement.  Settlers
flocked to the New World like newbies to misc.test, and mounted an earnest
campaign of animal depopulation.  As of the year 1700, wild geese populations
had dropped by 40%, wild pig populations by 60%, and over 90% of deer had
the clap.

                             - * -

America achieved independence in 1776, in part due to the unsung efforts of
deer regiments that repelled the British several times at strategic salt
licks.  During this time, Americans maintained a brief but fulfilling truce
with wild game, relying almost entirely on tofu for protein.  This instant
of interspecies amity was tragically broken in the Great Turkey Shoot of
1781.

The fledgeling nation began to expand.  As its numbers grew, the need for
large volumes of meat began to make itself known.  Our forefathers recognized
that the dwindling wildlife population would never support the festering
array of blighted urban landscapes that they envisioned, so they encouraged
research into the breeding of an animal that could provide meat for the 
tired, hungry, poor, etc.  After years of toil, scientists bred a deer, a
sheep, and a French-Canadian to come up with a dim-witted wad of flesh --
the cow.  This is the source of the beef you have come to know and love.

                            - * -

As the focus of American meat-raping swung away from wild game, certain
elements of society came to acknowledge that hunting must continue to some
extent.  For instance, all predators to herbivores, both wild and domestic,
had been extinguished; to control the game populations, some prudent pruning
must occur.  Also, these elements were comprised almost entirely of homicidal
maniacs.  

In this manner, hunting became a sport.  Licenses were issued, and avid
huntsmen snapped them up.  In the great Dove Grab of 1979, American 
authorities had to quell a miniature rebellion in the Nevada Territories
over the right of squatters to molest local avian life.  Legislation was
passed, and limits to takes were quickly imposed.  And not a moment too
soon: at the turn of the century, almost all buffalo had been wiped out,
and the geese were all sitting funny.

                           - * -

America enjoyed a period of prosperity until the Great Depression, when 
beef prices skyrocketed.  The population began hunting again in earnest,
and the herds were threatened once more.  The government quickly passed
a measure stating that deer meat cannot be bought or sold.  This did not
work.  They passed another measure requiring that guns bought and sold in
this country require licenses.  This also did not work.  Finally, a law
was passed requiring that poachers be stuffed in the pants of a 300-pound
Irish immigrant named 'Hugo'.  This worked, and the deer were safe for a
time.  

Then came World War Two.  Hitler proclaimed that venison was the 'Meat of
Champions', and geese were likened to 'Japs with webbed feet'.  Wild game
was interred in armed camps where they were held until the end of the
war.  At that point, they were cooked and eaten.  There is a lobby in
Congress today that fights for reparations for these victims of fear and
gluttony, and a privately-funded group has issued a request that all 
Americans involved in the tragedy should have to ceremonially vomit in
a memorial mass-grave site.

                           - * -

This brings us to today: an America in which hunting is a hobby, a sport,
and a means by which grown men and women can sublimate their frustration
at the results of the last election.  Americans from all walks of life
spend their weekends in the wilds of the American countryside, stalking
the prey that their forefathers stalked, and playing their small part in
the drama of the Human Experience.  And then they drive home satisfied
that they have participated in something greater than themselves, and
have contributed to the mosaic of American history.

On the way they hit a beaver........
-- 
HWRNMNBSOL