From: garrison@kodak.com (Laurie Garrison)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Commitment--The C-word?
Date: 21 Aug 92 19:46:01 GMT
Reply-To: garrison@kodak.com (Laurie Garrison)
Distribution: usa
Organization: Image Processing Algorithms Laboratory, Eastman Kodak Co.



In article <1992Aug21.131834.26982@cbnewsd.cb.att.com>, nance@cbnewsd.cb.att.com (nancy.l.colucci) writes:
|> In article <3556@eastman.UUCP> garrison@kodak.com (Laurie Garrison) writes:
|
|> >
|> >boy this statement bothers me.  does this mean that if i get married
|> >and have children and decide to stay home to raise them through preschool,
|> >i am making a 'selfish lazy choice'???  choosing to stay home with a
|> >baby is LAZY???  sometimes i think i would like to find a man who 
|> >would be willing to stay home and let *me* work...i think work is
|> >easier!
|> 
|> Finally I see a post where someone has put some definition to "other
|> activities!"  How would you determine which of you would stay home
|> with the baby, for how long, and would the one taking the home-option
|> return to work when pre-school started?
|> 

tough questions!  i owuld like to think it would be a mutual
decision (which one stayed home etc) but i don't know if that is
possible.  i can't see my current SO quitting his career for a few 
years, and i have trouble imagining myself doing it either.  my ex
flatly refused to stay home with the kids, even though i made more
money and had a 'career'.  he said it would be too boring.  he also
expected *me* to stay home, he didn't believe the kids should be raised
by strangers.  so much for compromise.


|> When you say "raise them through preschool" I'm assuming that you mean
|> when they are in pre-school you would not longer stay home, yes?  So
|> you're talking about a couple of years.  How would you feel about
|> yourself or your spouse if they chose to stay home when the child(ren)
|> were not there during the day?

yes, for me i would be talking till preschool.  but if i have
more than one kid, then we are talking more like 6-7 years...at
which point i would be at a severe disadvantage career-wise.  as
for my spouse staying home when the kids are in school, it would
depend.  if he's watching soap operas and eating bonbons all day,
forget it.  if he's doing all the housework, taking care of the
house and running all the errands so i could come home to a good
dinner, clean house and wonderful children, i think i could deal
with that!

|> My point that I wouldn't advise anyone to risk the possibility of being
|> responsible for supporting someone who is not inclined to be able
|> to support themself should the marriage dissolve.  It happens.

yes, this is true.  on the other hand, if he was in that situation
because he stayed home to raise the kids, i would have a hard time
justifying not taking care of him financially until he gets on his feet.
but only temporarily, and if he doesn't take advantage of it during
that time, then he's on his own.

|> >
|> >in some ways, it is *more* selfish and lazy to go to work and
|> >not stay home with the kids.  
|> 
|> Then you can both stay home and live happily ever after on the
|> stuff they take out of my check every month.  Sure!

now come on, that wasn't what i meant!  i was thinking of the many
times my mother was having a difficult time with my two brothers,
my dad would just say he had to go to work and he would leave.  that
is what i consider selfish and lazy.  

|> 
|> -Nance
|> -- 
|> Nance Colucci  *^*^*^*^*^*    o__    *^*^*^*^*  |  Work that body!
|> att!ihlpk!colucci            _.>/               | Stay fit for life.
|>                             (_) \(_)                           


laurie

-----
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I'd figured out, 	
I have to learn again...
				- Don Henley
Newsgroups: soc.singles