HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Subject: Re: Advice needed on 'I don't know'
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 17:43:47 GMT

In article <474@ptt-iat> news%ptt-iat@nluug.nl writes:
>Hello A.R readers
>
>The story is as follows: 
>
>There is this girl I really like, but I'm not the type a guy who goes chasing 
>after girls. After a period of time she finds out I'm crazy about her ( some 
>friends of her told her ) and she told them 'I like him, but I'm not in love
>with him'. I was in the presence of this conversation and according to her,
>my mood was going down. At time she realized it was true. A week later I
>spoke to her, and she asked how much I liked her. I told her I liked her very
>much etc.. She said to me: 'I like you, but I'm not in love ...but'.
>
>That last word is my problem. She tells a friend of mine 'I like him' and a 
>few days later she tell 'I like him...but I'm confused on how to go further'.
>
>Once in a few weeks I give her some of the stories that appear on alt.romance
>and on of the pages where I put some comments on for her to read, she had
>underlined this line:
>
>"If on the other hand, the guy shows how he feels (which after all is hard not
>to do), she has the option of waiting and finding out more about the guy."
>
>from one of the news-items. I presume this was about me.
>
>The question:
>- 'What does that "I'm confused" really means ?'
>- The underlined line is clear, but what does she wants to find out about me?
>

Pete:

	You can't make someone fall in love with you, but you can give
them a chance to fall in love with you. Regardless of what you hear,
people do not fall in love overnight. People get infatuated overnight,
but deciding to commit to someone is serious business. I don't think
there is any one thing she needs to find out about you, but she needs
time to gain confidence that you are what she thinks you are, and that
she can get along with you.

	If you really like her, have some faith in her and give her
time to make up her mind. I would advise going easy on the talk
of romance.  Continue to show her that you appreciate her and enjoy her
company.  Let her get used to the idea that you aren't going to go away
just because she doesn't do everything you want. It is hard to wait
when you are sure that things could be so much better. But loving
someone and watching their love for you grow is a beautiful experience.
Enjoy it.

Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@nuge101.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Let's Make the World a More Loving Place
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1992 17:34:43 GMT

marcia@netcom.com (Marcia) writes:

>No, we *don't* all like to be touched. Like others who have posted, I hate
>being touched my strangers....just thinking about it makes my skin crawl.
>Touchy feely people drive me bonkers...in fact, the surest way to turn me
>off immediately is to hug me when we've first met. I don't know you well 
>enough to do that!

>To make the world a more loving place, I think we could make greater strides
>by treating all people with respect and dignity.

  Oh please.  That's the LAST thing we need---all people treating each other
like islands.  Remember the middle ages?  Bearbaiting?  That was 'cuz the
parents felt it was wroung to touch the kids.  And that seems to be what
you're saying---the way to make the world more loving is to touch nobody, ever.

-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right
to say it."  - Voltaire.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( )
Subject: Re: How do you win someone back.
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 04:37:22 GMT

In article <92349.181945IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> IK20050@MAINE.MAINE.EDU (World Leader) writes:
>If any of you have succeeded at this, let me know how you
>did it!!!  I've tried expensive gifts and everything.  I am
>at the end of my rope.  I was going to be married to my man in
>April...I love him dearly.
>
>Andie.

Naturally, I'll get flamed beyond comprehension for saying this, but
the point is: you don't try.  I lost someone I believed I loved a few
years back when they went out with someone else, and I hurt myself
very badly by trying to get them back.  If they really want to come
back, they will.  If they don't there's no way you can *make* them
love you.  "If you love someone, let them go.  If they come back,
they're yours, if not, they never were."  It's time to start deciding
where things went wrong and ask yourself if you really want to fix
them.  It's possible you may hurt yourself more by trying to get
him back and being rejected, than to move on and let him come back in
his own time.
               
                                                 -Alex
Flames Accepted, Stupidity Ignored.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Warning:  This post has been written by a noted Cynic and may be
          Dangerous to your mental stability.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Love - what a mess
Date: 11 Dec 92 18:46:48 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <ByyHF1.2EC@dcs.ed.ac.uk> maa@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Muhammad Afzal) writes:
>A few months ago I met a girl who then seemed to be perfect for me. We were actually
>on a course together and often had lunch together which gave us an opportunity to get
>to know each other. I soon fell in love with her and since then have been struck with
>agony. The course has finished but we are still at the same institution and often
>bump into each other. She trusts me with quite serious stuff I learned this when she
>was going through a bad patch. I did not go to see her for about two weeks and met
>her in a building. I was in a hurry then and had to leave fast. I think this offended
>her after facing the response she gave me on the street, It was "Hello then Goodbye"
>. I am cosidering going round to see her. What should I do ? I am lost.
>
>Your response will be greatly appreciated.
>
>Thanx
>
First, relax. You sound like you are taking this very seriously.  This
serious attitude will make it harder to do anything about your
feelings.

It sounds like she feels you gave her the brush-off the first time you
saw her after your course finished. But don't take that as a negative,
it show that she has some interest in you. If she saw you as
essentially a stranger, she would not care whether you paid attention
to her or not.

I would suggest that you call her up (or look her up). You can
apologize for not spending more time on her when you ran into her.
Don't be too forceful about this, you just want to let her know that
you think you did something that might have been insensitive. You want
to be friendly, not groveling. Then make some small talk. You could ask
her for instance how her classes are this term.  Then ask her out to
lunch or dinner.

I would suggest that you treat the invitation to lunch or dinner as
though you were asking a friend out. Of course, you don't want to tell
her that that you are asking her out as friends, let her think what she
wants.  The reason I suggest this is that you have been out of contact
with her and you need to re-establish contact before hinting at
romance. After you have gone out with her, you can evaluate how things
went, and ask her out on a more romantic date.

Taking the first step is the hardest part. So, make that step as easy
as you can, take a deep breath, and take it.

Good Luck,
Michael.
From: beh@kropotkin.gnu.ai.mit.edu (various Howellses)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Forgiveness Question
Date: 20 Dec 92 18:42:01 GMT
	<BEH.92Dec13175238@kropotkin.gnu.ai.mit.edu>
	<Bz9566.1Ln@news.cso.uiuc.edu>
Organization: Internet access via the Free Software Foundation
NNTP-Posting-Host: kropotkin.gnu.ai.mit.edu
In-reply-to: jlamb@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu's message of Mon, 14 Dec 1992 13:51:41 GMT

In article <Bz9566.1Ln@news.cso.uiuc.edu> jlamb@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Jeffrey Richard Lamb) writes:


   beh@kropotkin.gnu.ai.mit.edu (various Howellses) writes:


   >As does telling someone else that
   >you love them, when you are committed to another person.

   Er, why can't I love more than one person (mom) (even if in different ways)?
   (I'm not trying to split hairs, I just want everyone to be clear about what
   they are saying).

OK, let me be slightly more concise.  
As does telling someone else that you love them
ROMANTICALLY (i.e., I love you, want to sleep with you, want to 
make love with you, trust you like no other, etc.) when you are committed
to another person...


NOT:
I love you mom, dad, cat, sister, brother, best friend (of either sex).
--
If it's me, it's not the other one.  If it's the other one, it's not me.
But then again, we're basically one and the same... oh bother, we're
--Various Howellses (Bruce and/or Nancy)
beh@gnu.ai.mit.edu
From: keithg@cnmhnet.UUCP (keith garrard)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: I've just been "LJBF"ed
Date: 18 Dec 92 00:13:25 GMT
Organization: California-Nevada Methodist Homes

In article <1992Dec15.130933.23542@walter.cray.com> kjberte@cray.com writes:
>I've just been "LJBF"ed.  I didn't even see it comming.  She
>Do I return the christmas gift I already bought her?  Is it to petty?

Oh Kurt, don't let it hurt.  If she could do this to you, then
she isn't worth it.  There are plenty of babes out there.  As
for the Christmas gift, it doesn't matter what you do with it,
as long as you don't give it to her!  Return it if you want to,
or save it and give it to someone else.  Or, if it is something'you can  use yourself, use it.  But don't give it to her.  It's time to move on.
--Keith
From: beh@kropotkin.gnu.ai.mit.edu (various Howellses)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Forgiveness Question
Date: 13 Dec 92 17:52:38
Organization: Internet access via the Free Software Foundation
NNTP-Posting-Host: kropotkin.gnu.ai.mit.edu
In-reply-to: petitc@nuge114.its.rpi.edu's message of Sun, 13 Dec 1992 13:27:45 GMT


I'm sorry, but I feel that a casual "affair"  (i.e. one just for sexual
pleasure but involving no love) is just as bad in terms of cheating as is
a serious "affair".

I can even say that I would consider fake sex, such as net.sex to be
unfaithfulness.  Phone sex counts too.  As does telling someone else that
you love them, when you are committed to another person.

The question of forgiveness is something we all have to deal with
individually.  Something which is unforgiveable to one person can be
forgiveable to another, for all sorts of reasons.

I know where I stand... I know what I feel today.  And my husband knows.
But where I stand next month could be different, for different reasons, and
while I know that the "rules" will have changed, my husband will be kept
apprised.

Relationships are tricky things.  So many things come in to play.  But if
one truly loves another, part of that love, I would hope, would be the
desire to not hurt them.  And if unfaithfulness, as defined by the SO is
painful, then it is a sign of a weakening of the love.  By my definition,
at least.

Just my opinion.  Because it is only opinion, if i get flamed, I will
ignore it.

--N
--
If it's me, it's not the other one.  If it's the other one, it's not me.
But then again, we're basically one and the same... oh bother, we're
--Various Howellses (Bruce and/or Nancy)
beh@gnu.ai.mit.edu
From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Romantic Relationships and Friendships
Date: 14 Dec 92 19:53:27 GMT
Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA

In article <1992Dec14.014641.7869@blkbox> collins@blkbox (Chad R. Collins) writes:
>
>	I agree completely with the idea that romance should develope out
>of friendship, however, I have found that it usually doesnt work out. I
>find that while I may look at friendship as a possible lead into romance,
>most of the time my partner usually thinks that I am just not interested and
>looks elsewhere for romance. *Sigh* It usually means that I end up with 
>alot of good friendships, but ones that cannot develope past that point.
>Anyone figured out a good way around this problem?
>
It can happen that your friend does know you have a romantic interest,
but is not interested in you and so chooses to pretend she doesn't 
notice. 

I think that you can communicate that you are open for friendship and
romance. There are various ways you can get this across, but I think if
you open about how you feel (and again, don't say it, show it!), you
should communicate this without having to think about what you are
doing.

The other thing you want to do is move towards a romantic relationship
in very small steps, and to take care what pace you make those step.
This means things like spending time alone, touching, talking about
feelings and the like. You want to go slowly enough that she has time
to get comfortable with each new level of closeness.

I think if you take this approach, you won't be guaranteed of success,
but you will feel that she understands that you are sincerely interested
in her.

Peace,
Michael.
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Subject: Save Me!
Reply-To: oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu
Organization: Montana State University
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 17:36:16 GMT

We all know women who have rescue fantasies (Prince Charming'll come along and
take me away from all this, etc.), but do men ever have "rescuer" fantasies?

Do men ever want to "sweep a girl off her feet"?  

(Unrelated)  Doesn't anyone believe in love at first sight anymore?  This is
supposed to be the *romance* group, and I was wondering.  Is there no passion
left in the world anymore?

And about forgiveness...I think if my RP cheated on me, I'd have to get a
shotgun.  But then, that's not *nice* is it?

All this talk about companionship seems kind of dull.  I'll take a rapid
heartbeat any day!

Okay, so I'm bored....

Cheryl
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@nuge115.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Re: Romantic Relationships and Friendships
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 15:54:32 GMT

collins@blkbox (Chad R. Collins) writes:

>kchin@Xenon.Stanford.EDU (Ken H Chin) writes:

>	I agree completely with the idea that romance should develope out
>of friendship, however, I have found that it usually doesnt work out. I
>find that while I may look at friendship as a possible lead into romance,
>most of the time my partner usually thinks that I am just not interested and
>looks elsewhere for romance. *Sigh* It usually means that I end up with 
>alot of good friendships, but ones that cannot develope past that point.
>Anyone figured out a good way around this problem?

  Perhaps you should subtly let her know you are interested.  Not outright, but
subtly.



-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right
to say it."  - Voltaire.
From: margoli@watson.ibm.com (Larry Margolis)
Subject: Re: More, Do Not try this at home .....
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 17:56:39 GMT
News-Software: IBM OS/2 PM RN (NR/2) v0.16f by O. Vishnepolsky and R. Rogers
Reply-To: margoli@watson.IBM.com
Disclaimer: This posting represents the poster's views, not necessarily those of IBM
Organization: The Village Waterbed

In <1992Dec17.143018.21193@sequent.com> rip@sequent.com (Paul T Taylor) writes:
> I truss blade as far as I can throw him!

Let me get this straight - you wrap a rope around him, then throw him?
Is that how he unwinds?  Or, (to put a different spin on this), does this
mean that you top him?
--
Larry Margolis, MARGOLI@YKTVMV (Bitnet), margoli@watson.IBM.com (Internet)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@vccnw04.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: Two Poems About Love
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 23:54:45 GMT

Here are two poems that I've written solely about love (in general, not for
a specific person or occasion).  Enjoy:

			True Love Is

Cuddling close on a cold winter night.
Never being afraid to show who you are.
Never feeling unwanted.
Never having to be alone.

Staying together through
Both heaven and hell.
Sharing laughter and tears.

Getting support when you need it.
Giving support when it's needed.

Expressed through a touch,
A smile,
A tear,
Or a wink.

Sharing hopes,
Dreams,
Fears,
And ideas.

Everchanging,
Starting as flaming passion,
Changing into a warm glow.
But the glow never dies.

 And another---I wrote this a few minutes ago.  Don't think it's quite as good
as the one above, but it's more clever (e.g. look at the first letters).

				Love Is

Being unafraid to
Express your deepest fears.
Saying what you mean,
Trying to value another as much as yourself.

Fighting sometimes;
Resolving problems
In minutes or hours.
Eventually forgiving.
Never feeling afraid,
Dreaming of being together;
Staying out of want, not need.




-- 
Now on sale, in Aisle 5 of the Divine Supermarket---Lives, and Clues.  Buy
yours now and avoid the rush!  They make great Christmas gifts!
Cynicism is only realism projected into the future.
If your fondest wish is to fly, don't draw up plans for flippers.
Xref: sparky alt.romance:15223 soc.singles:33869 alt.romance.chat:21878
From: johnf@Auspex.COM (John Fereira)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,alt.romance.chat
Subject: Re: More, Do Not try this at home .....
Date: 14 Dec 92 21:55:00 GMT
Followup-To: alt.romance
Organization: Auspex Systems, Inc.

In article <1992Dec14.173735.8755@b8.b8.ingr.com> larry@b8.b8.ingr.com (Larry Billings) writes:
>In article <Bz3nLt.95G@mentor.cc.purdue.edu>, epperson@pop.stat.purdue.edu (Mary) writes:
|> 
|> And it was soooo much fun watching these two do ManlyMenStuff...that's
|> what those muscles are for guys... *grin*
|> 
|> Mary
|
|Damn!  I thought they were for sweeping women off their feet.  :)
 
and you if you can do it with "that" muscle you're going to be really
popular.

-- 
+==========================================================================+
| John Fereira        | Auspex Systems | "Ask me about my vow of silence." |
| johnf@auspex.com    | Santa Clara CA |                                   |
+==========================================================================+
Organization: Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Date: Mon, 14 Dec 1992 18:49:08 -0500 
From: "Francis J. Yenca" <fy03+@andrew.cmu.edu>
Subject: Re: THe scariest words in the world
Distribution: alt

Kathy Hare writes:

>How about   "I like you and I don't hate you but right now I don't love
>              It's not your fault its all me. I don't know why I don't 
>              love you.
>These are the scriest words I've heard lately

Oooh!  I am sorry to read that!  Not only are they scary, but they are
really irritating.  Whoever said that just said that there is nothing that 
you can do about it.  Oooh!

Good luck!

Frank
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles,alt.romance.chat
From: rip@sequent.com (Paul T Taylor)
Subject: Re: More, Do Not try this at home .....
Organization: Sequent Computer Systems, Inc.
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 92 14:32:36 GMT

In article <Bz4C8L.9B7@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> epperson@pop.stat.purdue.edu (Mary) writes:
>In article <1992Dec11.205926.14731@sequent.com> rip@sequent.com (Paul T Taylor) writes:
>>>And it was soooo much fun watching these two do ManlyMenStuff...that's
>>>what those muscles are for guys... *grin*
>>>Mary
>>
>>Well, that's what *some* of those muscles are for.... >;-)
>>
>>rip
>
>Those *are* the muscles you were using that night, weren't they?  I
>mean, did we miss something when you two and Drieux retreated to the
>garage?
>
>Mary


Your remember the 20 ft pole I was talking about earlier?  Besides,
Hawk and PaulN were there too...  and *no* we did *not* have an orgy,
although PN is kind of cute... ;-)

rip
-- 
Grab reality by the balls, and squeeze...

                                        Tempus
From: pezzillo@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Amy J. Pezzillo)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Need romantic way to propose
Date: 17 Dec 92 00:26:40 GMT
Organization: University of Pennsylvania

In article <kilborn.724541562@vincent2.iastate.edu> kilborn@iastate.edu (Scott E Kilborn) writes:
>Well, here goes:
>
>I am planning on asking my SO the big question soon and I need
>some suggestions on neat ways to ask her.  I am hoping to not
>spend a lot of money on this (i.e. no airplane banners, etc.)
>but I want it to be something she will remember forever.
>
>Please e-mail me ideas at:  kilborn@iastate.edu
>
>or post origional ideas.
>
>Thanx,
>
>Scott Kilborn


Scott,

No matter how you propose, she will remember it forever because it
will be *you* doing the asking!

That said, here are a few general ideas:

Take her somewhere that is special to you as a couple:  the place you
had you first date, the place you first said you loved each other,
or just somewhere that you both think is very romantic...

Send her on a treasure hunt, and at each place have a romantic quote
or a poem or a written memory of something you two have done together.
In the last place, have the ring.  Or, in each place could be hidden
the elements of a romantic evening:  champagne, a CD full of love
songs, candles...either have the ring at the end or set it all up, and
propose a toast and propose at the same time!

This is a little expensive, but a former alum gave our college Band
$500 to spell out "x, Will you marry me?"  on the football field at
halftime.  This could be signifigantly cheaper if you know members of
the marching band.  (Of course, football season is over, but there are
basetball games and such.)

When I was at the movies this summer, they were showing those slides
on the screen before the show which are ads for local stores and such,
and one of the slides was a handwritten proposal.  (I've got to warn
you about this one, thought.  They didn't stay for the movie, so you
might not want to do if for a film you've been dying to see!)

Good luck!  I'd be really interested in hearing what you eventually
decide to do, and how it works out.

ajp


Newsgroups: alt.romance