From: yasu@ll.mit.edu (Alan Yasutovich)
Subject: starting young
Organization: MIT Lincoln Laboratory
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 92 19:24:07 GMT

>Newsgroups: alt.child-support,misc.kids
>Subject: Starting young part II
>
>I just wish my parents would get the idea out of their head that 'I ruined
>their lives.'
>I didn't even ruin my life.
>
>Thank you all for everything.
>I did not post to these groups for sympathy or support.
>I just posted to find out other people's opinions.
>I like to know that stuff.
>I'm a journalism major.
>Might come in handy someday.
>If one comes out--buy the book.
>
>Ross Graham

	(LOTS of stuff deleted)

	Ross,

	I am not going to give you sympathy or support.  I *will* give
	you opinions.  But they are opinions of someone older and
	experienced.


	My background:  I am 35.  Junior year in college, got my fiancee
	pregnant (Dec 76').  Married the next month (Jan 77').  Worked
	full time since, and never stopped!  Lost the best time of my
	college life.  She left Jan 79 (on our 2nd anniversary).  My
	son was 16 months old.  I re-married April 9th, 93'.  TODAY
	is my 9th anniversary.

	My sister was also divorced back then, and never remarried.
	She has a daughter who is 12.

	Aside from all the crap posted about child support, I know that
	my wife and I see that the breakup of 2 marriages completely
	knocked the wind out of their sails.  I can see that they are
	generally more scarred as people and parents.  They have helped
	my sister considerably through the years, and lived with her
	pain.  Her husband left her as soon as he found out she was
	pregnant.  My sister was left with no one.  I still feel like
	I "owe him one" for that.

	People want to have orderly, coherent lives.  All this premarital
	pregnancy and odd marriage times creates is embarrasment in the
	minds and hearts of people; particualrly parents.  It has been
	a while since I've though about my parents pain.

	Of course, someone in your position has no choice but to deal
	with the situation.  Therefore, you brainstorm every side of the
	issue all the way down to how old you'll be when the kid leaves
	the house.  I can respect AND REMEMBER doing the same thing.
	I remember feeling that this was the first thing in my life that
	I truely had no control over.  But in your thoughts about the
	near and distant future, you are somewhat neglecting all the time
	in between.  The events of the next 20 years which EQUAL YOUR
	ENTIRE LIFE TO DATE!!!!

	So make no mistake about it.  Even if people verbally change their
	minds about saying "you've ruined our lives", it will only be
	the fact of acceptance of the inevitable which makes they also
	throw up their hands and continue.  Continue listening to all
	your philosophical exposes' about what, why, when you're getting
	married.  Live with how the marriage cut short your education
	(and pay) so your always scraping around financially.  And 
	worse finally, live with your scarred personality after you
	possibly split up, and have to pay child support, and live
	the circus of visitation, fighting, and poverty.

	You see the bottom line is that life really is easy when there
	is a problem; a common enemy, and the like.  In this case it
	is the "problem" of the unwanted, early pregnancy.  Later
	it will be the excitement of the birth.  But after about
	6 months go by, the parade will be over.  And you will have
	financial worries. Then come the boring days when you resent
	the fact that you can't go anywhere and don't have any money;
	all cause of the kid.  Usually you just fight.


	That's the *real* scenario, after all your brainstorming about
	various things in life. They're just things you haven't had
	the pleasure to live through yet.

	You're young!  (But you'll get over it)


	We'll,  I'm going to make like a tree, and leave!  Going out
	for seafood and a movie for my anniversary!

	(After that.....who knows-;))!!!!!!!!!  (I *did* just get
	my plumbing fixed)



-- 
	Alan Yasutovich
	"inquiring  (and nosey) minds WANT TO KNOW!!!"
	I can remember when "safe sex" meant having a padded headboard!!
	Tick Tock.....Tick Tock......Tick Tock .....Tick Tock......
Newsgroups: alt.child-support