From: SILVERI@QUCDN.QueensU.CA (Silver Tiger)
Subject: Re: Dusky Beauty Tells All
Organization: Queens University at Kingston
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 02:35:15 GMT

In article <76728@ut-emx.uucp>
keisha@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Coed of the Damned) writes:
 
>Hello, Keisha here, demuffining.
 
Congratulations, and welcome.  You'll likely be deluged with a series
of electronic flirts in the next few days...  Just so you know.
 
>I have been reading this newsgroup for about five months now, but I never
>had the guts to post anything.  Well, I have nothing to lose by posting now
>because everyone that I care about knows about my preferences, so here goes.
>
>I guess I should start at the beginning, huh?
 
Or in the middle, proceeding headlong towards the beginning and the end,
simultaneously.  :)
 
>My story begins in 2nd grade, when the pretty little thing in the pink dress
>and white hair ribbons sitting next to me enthralled me so much that I just
>had to kiss her.  And I did, during the reading lesson, right in front of
>everyone.  The teacher blanched and dropped her copy of "Curious George
>Joins the Circus."
 
*smile*  Good for you. :)
 
>I got sent to the principal's office for that one.  He just sat there, not
>knowing what to say except "Why did you do that?"  I answered, "I don't
>know; I just felt like it."  "Don't do it again; that's nasty," he said,
>and sent me back to the classroom.  The teacher moved me away from the
>pretty little thing.  I never went near her again.  No one ever bothered
>to explain to me why it was considered "cute" when Bobby Thompson kissed
>my sweet young thing during recess.
 
But of course not.  You were merely an innocent child, and weren't to be
expected to understand the polluted reasoning of adults who had never
even bothered to question their own sexuality.  <tongue half planted
in cheek, you guess which phrases.>
 
>No one ever sat me down and said that it was wrong.  I learned about sex
>from open-minded books, but I still got the impression that the "right way"
>for me to do things was to be with a man.  And I believed that.  I still
>wanted and desired to be a woman while having a man take the initiative.
>But the desire to make love to a woman, as a woman, never went away.
 
*nod*  And absolutely no reason that it should either.  Seems you were
a failed attempt of societal programming.  You can't know how happy that
makes me to see people managing to grow and bloom in spite of the rest
of the jerks. ;)
 
>When I hit puberty, I had the same teenage crushes that other girls did:
>the objects of our desire were those extremely cute boys who played on
>the football team.  There were a few with whom I would have been glad to
>do the horizontal mambo.  But there were also a few juicy tidbits on the
>drill team....
 
};]
 
>When I got to college, I still mostly concentrated on men.  I guess it
>was me trying to live up to a feminine ideal.  But those dreams, those
>fantasies about being with women never went away.  Ever.
>
>I'm leaving this place and going to another one soon.  Another place
>where I believe I can be open to suggestions and experimentation.
 
*curious look*  Leaving your current physical location, and going
elsewhere?  Where would you be now, and where is this wonderful place
that you are heading for?
 
>I read this over and it sounds very open and honest, and I am amazed that
>I could get up the courage to post these experiences to a newsgroup full
>of strangers.  But I think that milling about with people who can attest
>to the normalcy of this lifestyle will make me a little more courageous
>when I finally make the plunge, so to speak.
 
If anything, it'll help you find your sureness that you are not alone in
your personal choices (with respect to your sexual desires).  That can be
very reassuring.  Eventually, I personally hope to reach the point where
someone's surprise at my sexual choices elicits from me the same response
as if that same someone was surprised to hear that the local chemist
was having a sale on tissues.  :)
 
><sigh>  Sometimes I feel like I'm the only bisexual woman in the world.
 
A valid feeling, but just to help shore up things again:  You're not
alone.
 
>Well, at least the only one that I know of.  I know plenty of gay men and
>lesbians, and oodles of straights, but I cannot think of one human being
>that I know or have been introduced to who can talk to me about what I'm
>feeling and have some real life experience.  In a way, it makes me feel
>very alone here.
 
I'm hoping that someone on your machine who's lurking on this conference
and who is a bisexual female will walk up to you and excitedly ask you,
"You too?"  :)
 
>Some people may say that my being bisexual stems from confusion or lack
>of "strong, traditional family values." I really don't think that my
>being (or at least believing) that I am bisexual makes me confused or
>misguided (although a favorite quote of mine from someone's .sig is
>"As far as being bisexual is concerned, I'm not CONFUSED, I'm GREEDY!")
 
*laugh*  I like that one. :)  Back to your comment though...  Even if you
WERE confused or had a lack of "strong, traditional family values.", my
response would be similar:  "So?  She's bisexual, and is happy with
that.  Who CARES why?  Let her be happy, there's scarce enough of that
in this world as it is."
 
>I've also been reading about how lesbians sometimes disparage the lifestyles
>of bisexual women.  (Something about their sexual intimacy with men making
>it hard for the two groups to understand each other.  Is that right?  The
>whole discussion has me very, very confused.  Can someone explain further?)
 
It's one of those politcal bullshit things.  People in one 'camp'
arguing with people in another 'camp'.  Anyone who understands both
and tries to build a bridge threatens the nice unpeaceful conflict
and that's change.  Change frightens people...
 
I'm just as likely to tell some heterosexual with a sexually oriented
political agenda:  "Politics doesn't interest me, peddle it somewhere
else" as I am to tell that to a Lesbian or Gay, or Bi who insists on
ramming their viewpoint down my throat.
 
I have better things to try to ram down my throat.  }:]
 
>I can feel the desire to be with both men and women, but I would be hard
>pressed to make a lifestyle choice that would ostracise me from a sizeable
>and vocal group of women who work to make the lives of all women better.
 
Crucial fact:  'All women' should include YOU.  If they're alienating
you while speaking for 'all women', they're hypocrits and should be
treated as such.
 
You have worth.  Don't forget it.
 
If they ostracise you, it's their loss, for they'll never be able to
learn anything from your example amongst them.  Sadly, it is your loss
too, as you'll never be able to learn from them either, except that
yet another political group has lashed out and hurt without thinking.
 
>Something else that worries me about this whole thing is being identified
>as some sort of oversexed weirdo who can't keep her clothes on.  I know
>that I'm not like that.  I believe that if I have these desires, I should
>act on them, as long as the acts are consensual and the other person
>involved (male or female) is as open and understanding as I am willing to
>be.
 
You make very good sense.  And as for those who think you can't keep your
clothes on...   A few polite but firm turn-downs of offers from folk who
believe this of you should make a strong enough statement.  "Sorry,
I don't date people who reduce me to only that level of existence."
 
>Or am I just deluding myself?
 
Not at all.  You're just fighting the mainstream, and it seems you have
a really good handle on it so far.  As I said, you make good sense.
 
>Comments, suggestions, hugs are welcomed.  Please be gentle. :-)
 
How did I do?  :)
 
--
|  ..        Ian Silver / Silver Tiger (AgTiger) / Argentium        ..
| .OO.                   SILVERI@QUCDN.QueensU.CA                  .OO.
| O/\O                B7 f t+ g(+) k+(+) s+(+)v m p                O/\O
|  --                    Bisexual and proud of it.                  --
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