From: morris@samson.bnr.ca (Morris Bernstein)
Subject: Re: ADVISE sought: WIFE doesn't wear helmet, etc. - how to make her do
Reply-To: bnrmtl!morris@larry.mcrcim.mcgill.ca
Organization: Bell Northern Research Montreal, Canada.
Distribution: na
Date: Tue, 1 Sep 92 20:44:04 GMT

In article <BtwH86.8n3@cs.dal.ca> silvert@biome.bio.ns.ca (Bill Silvert) writes:
>In <BtwEJ6.GAC@watserv1.uwaterloo.ca> praetzel@marconi.uwaterloo.ca (Eric Praetzel) writes:
>
>>  Respect their right to make their own decisions.  I know people who smoke,
>>people who drink and people are dangerous drivers.  I do not hound them and
..
>>Explain your position once and if you can't stand not controling their lives
>>then _get_lost_.
>
>We're talking about this guy's wife.  I would be upset if my wife took
>unnecessary risks, and I have a lot at stake here.  I've also had to
...
>people can do what they want with their lives, but cyclists who ride
>without helmets are not cut off from their families and society, and
>taking irresponsible risks is unfair to the rest of us.


You both have a point.

I fiercely defend my right to choose.  If I have the right to choose,
I have the right to make the *wrong* *choice*.  There's no other
meaningful definition of freedom.

I bought my bike a year ago after a few years without one.  During the
months I was shopping around, my wife would take every opportunity to
ask me if I was planning to wear a helmet.  This would often cause
fights when I tried to explain that she had no right to make such a
demand.

I bought (and use) a helmet anyway.  Not because she had a *right* to
*demand* it, but because I made an *informed*, *adult* choice.  I
factored in not only how helmet use would affect me, but also how it
would affect others whom I care about.

If I chose to be a selfish SOB, she would have had to live with the
choice or walk away from someone too selfish to love.  You have to
respect your SO's choices, even if you don't agree with them.  If you
can't respect them, you have to walk away.

If the original poster's wife doesn't care about him enough to take
his needs into consideration, he has to get a new one -- IF (big if)
it's that important to him.

Before that happens, he still has to deal with the problem of
communicating his feelings to his wife (which was his original
question).  This is rec.bicycles, not soc.relationships, and I don't
have any helpful advice about how to communicate with a loved one.  I
wish I did, but I'm not that wise.


As to his other problem (speed differential between him and his wife),
I have the same problem (this is recent because I bought her the bike
late in the season).  I discussed it with the owner of the shop where
I bought my bike.  It's a common problem.

I prefer the tandem solution.  We rented one for a day last summer (we
toured the Rideau canal in Ottawa) and it was lots of fun.
Unfortunately, I don't have the spare bucks available to buy one right
now.

My working solution is to go out on fast training rides alone and ride
slowly with my wife when I ride with her.

The other standard solution is to weigh down your bike.  Do you have
kids?  If so, you carry the child seat.  If not, load up your panniers
(with rocks or something).  This is sort of like handicapping in horse
races.  It will force you to work harder to go the same speed and
you'll still get your workout.


I hope this helps.


Morris
--
Morris Bernstein		 phone:	(514) 765-8275
Bell Northern Research Ltd. 	 fax:	(514) 765-0500
worldnet: bnrmtl!morris@larry.mcrcim.mcgill.edu
"Knowlege is a mind-expanding drug."
Newsgroups: rec.bicycles