From: Elise@p19.f341.n282.z1.tdkt.kksys.com (Elise)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory
Subject: Mormons, burning questions, and practical polyamory
Date: 16 Dec 92 23:54:22 GMT


 ST> faithful to my husband etc.  I can promise to love my 
 ST> husband to be from now until eternity, but I cannot 
 ST> promise that he will be the only man i ever sleep with 
 ST> from our marriage onward (or before).  
  
   I knew a woman who got rather a hassle from the priest performing the
marriage ceremony on that one.  She and her partner both deleted the "cleave
only unto him/her" part of the vows, since they were either poly or could
imagine becoming so, and because they took their vows very seriously and would
*not* vow something they did not want to live.
   *They* were perfectly comfortable with their reasoning and decision, but it
squicked the priest in a big way.  I think they wound up having another
clergyperson do the deed for them.
 
 ST> Leaving aside questions of pre-marital sex (it's 
 ST> irrelevant in this situation I think) can I justify 
 ST> the fact that I *am* bisexual, that I *will* have 
 ST> other relationships with women, and that on occaision 
 ST> I *will* have sexual relationships involving more than 
 ST> one other person at a time.  How do I reconcile this?
   
   A pertinent question here is "reconcile this with what (or whom)?" The first
place to check is obviously with yourself, and it sounds like you may have
thought about this a whole bunch and may feel very clear on who you are and how
you love.  If that's the case (and I bet a chocolate doughnut that it is), the
question becomes slightly different (for me, anyhow; YMMV):   "How important is
it to me that the institutions/groups and individuals with whom I hold
commitments (like being a member of a church, f'rinstance) are supportive and
accepting of my values and ethics?
   (Note to threadreaders and curmudgeons:  My first draft used the word
"morals" in place of "ethics"; I swapped 'em cuz they get folks into fights too
easily, but I think it really is a "moral question".)
   
 ST> What does the church allow, and what doesn't it?  What 
   
   Gotta ask a Mormon for that, but it is a good question, and ought to be
prefaced with "What do *I* want and what don't I?" so you'll have a context in
which to check the church's attitudes for congruency.  (I know, I know, all my
feminist principles, Gnostic/Pagan tendencies and stubborn Midwestern comparison
shopping ethics are completely conditioning that statement, but I stand with the
scholar Hillel on this one:
 
   "If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
    And if I am only for myself, what am I?
    And if not now, when?"
   
....which asks it better than I did.)
  
 ST> about if the other people I am involved with I also 
 ST> make some kind of life long pact of love with?  (I 
 ST> don't think that's realistic either in my case, but 
 ST> I'm throwing out suggestsions.)  I'm not into *casual* 
 ST> sex, one night stands, etc. for the most part, and the 
 ST> people I hav slept with and intend to sleep with are 
 ST> considered close friends, people I truly love and care 
 ST> about in a real way. However, Ic an't guarantee that 
 ST> they will be a part of my life forever, either.  Only 
 ST> my finace can I guarantee that with.
   
   More excellent questions.  Seems to me, again, that they are at least
two-fold questions: where do *you* stand on them, and where does the church
stand?  If there is a discrepancy, then you have a prob---er, um, an opportunity
for creative action.  
  

 ST> I don't know if I made any sense at all.  I'm just 
 ST> very desperate for some real knowledge on the subject, 
 ST> and I don't feel comfortable asking the sister 
 ST> missionaries, having to come out to them only for them 
 ST> to possibly tell me i am sinful and can't possibly be 
 ST> accepted into the church without repenting, etc.  And 
 ST> I can't.
   
   Is there an anonymous number to call and ask question?  Sort of like
Dial-a-Mormon? Seriously, is there someplace to ask things, like a hotline, or
distant church headquarters with a question-and-answer line, or something?  Try
calling Mormons out of town, maybe?
  

 ST> Any replies would be appreciated.

 ST> Thanks
 ST> *Sarah*  :)
 ST> -- 
   
   And good luck to you.  Let us know how it goes.

 * Origin: Mammals' Melting Point <Stipple City, MN> (1:282/341.19)
Newsgroups: alt.polyamory