From: ftww@cs.su.oz.au (Geoff Bailey)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Re: Wanted : On the good ship venus
Date: 21 Aug 92 00:42:05 GMT
Reply-To: ftww@cs.su.oz.au (Fred The Wonder Worm)
Followup-To: aus.jokes
Distribution: aus
Organization: Thermonuclear Toys, Pty Ltd


Here's the lyrics I know (from a book of dirty ditties whose name escapes me
at the moment):

'Twas on the good ship Venus
By christ you should have seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
Astride a rampant penis

Chorus:  (whenever you feel like it)

    Frigging in the rigging,
    Frigging in the rigging,
    Frigging in the rigging,
    'Cause there's fuck all else to do

It was at the China station
By way of celebration
We sunk a junk with lots of spunk
By mutual masturbation

We sailed to the Canaries
To screw the local fairies
We got the syph in Teneriffe
And the clap in Buenos Aires

We sailed to the Bahamas
Where the girls all wear pyjamas
They wouldn't screw our motley crew -
They much preferred bananas

The captain's name was Mugger
A dirty-minded bugger
He wasn't fit to shovel shit
From one deck to the other

The first mate's name was Morgan
A homosexual Gorgon
Six men could ride with legs astride
Upon his sexual organ

The second mate's name was Abel
His arsehole bore this label:
"I'll give the crew their daily due
though I'm no Betty Grable"

The third mate's name was Walter
At love he'd never falter
The bloody stiff had given syph
To all the girls in Malta

The stoker was McGuire
He really was a trier
For though on shore he kept a whore
On board he pulled his wire

The steward's name was Topper
Boy did he have a whopper!
Twice round the deck, once round his neck
And up his arse for a stopper

The bosun's name was Andy
A bastard bold and bandy
They filled his bum with boiling rum
For pissing in the brandy

But the bosun's plan was prosperous
He dipped his cock in phosphorous
All through the night it kept alight
To guide us through the Bosporus

The purser's name was Lester
He was a hymen tester
Through hymens thick he'd shove his prick
And leave it there to fester

That purser came from Wigan
By God he had a big 'un!
We bashed his cock with a lump of rock
For frigging in the rigging

The fireman was McTavish
And young girls he did ravish
His missing tool's in Istanbul -
He was a trifle lavish

The carpenter Carruthers
Beloved of all the others
He wasn't quite hermaphrodite
But a mistake of his mother's

The engineer McPherson
To snatch had an aversion
So he stuck his cock up a water chock -
A peculiar perversion

The musician's name was Carter
He tuned his arse as a farter
He could play anything from "God Save the King"
To Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata"

The cooks name was O'malley
He didn't dilly-dally
He shot his bolt with such a jolt
He whitewashed half the galley

The cook's offsider Reimann
He was a filthy demon
He served the crew a filthy brew
Of foreskins boiled in semen

A third cook's name was Aiken
Each morning he'd awaken
And scrape the spunk from off his bunk
To fry the skipper's bacon

The trainee cook was Wooden
By Christ he was a good 'un
He tossed off twice in a bag of rice
And called it sago puddin'

The radio operator
He was a masturbator
To get his jolt he'd shoot his bolt
Across the oscillator

A stowaway named Tupper
We rubbed his balls with butter
The charge whizzed past the mizzenmast
And foamed against the scupper

The stewardess was Dinah
She sprang a leak off China
We had to pump poor Dinah's rump
To empty her vagina

The cabin boy's name was Nipper
A dirty little flipper
They filled his arse with broken glass
And circumsized the skipper

The ladies of the nation
Arose in indignation
And stuffed his bum with chewing gum -
A smart retaliation

The captain's wife was Mabel
Always willing and able
Behind the door or on the floor
Or on the chartroom table

The captain had a daughter
She fell into the water
Ecstatic squeals revealed that eels
Had found her sexual quarter

When we put into Calais
The captain's daughter Sally
Dressed as a whore she rushed ashore
And won the grand prix rally

Another daughter Charlotte
She was a filthy harlot
Her thighs at night were lily-white
But in the morning scarlet

The ship's dog's name was Rover
The whole crew did him over
They ground and ground that poor old hound
From Land's End round to Dover

The ship's cat's name was Kitty
Her arse was black and shitty
Her feline twat was kept red-hot
By a crew who knew no pity

The crew were different races
You could see it in theire faces
They were always frigging against the rigging
For want of better places

Their leader's name was Paul
He only had one ball
But with that cracker he rolled tobacco
Around the wheelhouse wall

When in the Adriatic
The crew were quite ecstatic
The rise and fall of cock and ball
Was almost automatic

The captain was elated
The crew investigated
They found some sand in his prostate gland -
He had to be castrated

So now we end this serial
From sheer lack of material
We wish you luck whene'er you fuck
From all disease venerial

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Geoff Bailey (Fred the Wonder Worm)   |   Programmer by trade --
ftww@cs.su.oz.au                      |       Gameplayer by vocation.
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Newsgroups: aus.jokes