From: jasonbr@next17pg2.wam.umd.edu (Jason Bert Rust)
Subject: LJBF problems
Organization: Workstations at Maryland, University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1992 23:04:03 GMT

 Hello net folks, its time for me to add my share to the soap opera!
 My brain is at a loss as to what to do with my dilemma. I'll outline my  
situation first.
 Back in '88, I met a girl, "Pheobe," at work, and we became friends. I 
immeadiately formed a big crush on her, though I never let on. (confused
adolescent thing) After she resigned, we kept in regular contact through  
the mail (not e-mail, paper mail!). Writing was always fun, and we sent  
letters about once a month. Our letters were similar, though her's were  
full of her love life news. Now we're at separate universities, though we  
still write. My infatuation continues.
 Here's some info about her. She's very liberal and brave. She's not  
afraid of pursuing guys she is romantically inclined towards. As a matter  
of fact, she's asked quite a few men out. I personally believe that if she  
were ever interested in me, she wouldn't hesitate to ask me out.
 About a year and a half ago, I broke down and asked her out on a date. It  
was, admittedly, a somewhat clumsy offer, as I was quite nervous. She very  
politely said "No." Further proof that she truly means the LJBF line for  
me.
 And now for my dilemma. I'm still very much infatuated with her. I'd  
hesitate to say "in love," I'm sure its just a big crush. The trouble is  
that its holding me back from dating other women. I'm friendly with *many*
women, I'm just not interested in them in any romantic kind of way. No  
woman could measure up to the incredible creation I have in my head, ie  
Pheobe.
 Which leads me to the following conclusions.
a: Crush on Pheobe=stunted social life.
b: Crush on Pheobe=bad.
c: I should get rid of my crush on Pheobe.
 Accepting "c" as the truth, I only know of one sure fire method for  
getting rid of infatuations, get rid of the object of infatuation. :( I'm  
not saying murder her, just stop being her friend.) It's rather easy to  
break off relations with aquaintances, but Its *very* sad when real  
friendships end.
 I do indeed like the friendship very much. I have spent many, many hours  
composing my letters to her; and have waited anxiously at the mailbox for  
her replies. For several months of my first year away from home, I carried  
her "college letters" around to read when I was depressed.
 However, the friendship seems intertwined with my romantic side.
 Is the friendship worth the pain? 
 Is there a way to get over my infatuation with out cutting her out of my  
life? Would forcing myself to date women I wasn't interested in help?
 Someone recently said that as hard as it may be, talking problems out  
with that person is the best way to go. Pheobe and I have always had a  
strange relationship, based on letters, not physical proximity. We only  
live 15 miles apart, but we haven't seen eash other in over a year. Which  
is why I'm reluctant to tell her what I feel. It would be such an odd and  
unexpected confession. How can I be infatuated with someone I've seen only  
twice in 2 years?! :o Should I bother speaking with her about this? (yes,  
I'm really sure the I won't hear "Well, gee. I like you too.) I'm sure she  
would grant me an audience for lunch, if I asked. Part of me thinks this  
discussion would be better in person, as my brain could really dis-believe  
anything it read in a letter.
 I welcome all opinions. Ones I'll kike hearing, ones I won't like  
hearing, ones from smokers, ones from non-smokers, ones from women with  
PMS, ones from men with PMS, ect.
-Jason"who wants to be real romantic, but is looking the wrong way"
qun(hi everyone at UM)
Newsgroups: alt.romance