HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: bsamman@ocf.berkeley.edu (The Web)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Jealousy?
Date: 9 Oct 1992 22:38:08 GMT
Organization: U. C. Berkeley Open Computing Facility
Distribution: USA
NNTP-Posting-Host: headcrash.berkeley.edu

I need an objective view of things, so I would appreciate any opinions you
might wish to convey. Thanks in advance

Background:My SO and I have been dating for quite a while and last night we
discussed that (well she at least stated)that she wouldn't like it if I 
messed around with anyone else.  Cool i thought, now here's the clincher:
Tonite, she's making dinner for a guy she used to fool around with and after
wards they're going to see a movie.  She canceled a month old date with me 
to do this,(I did say it was Ok, since I didn't wante to seem petty), as it
is his birthday.  They have a class together, ethey do homework together,
and compete against one another.  She has stated before that she was worried 
that if he was forward that she might no be able to rebuff his advances.  

1)Is she leaving herself an out?
2)Should I mention the fact that this bothers me?
3)I realize that it would be petty of me to forbid her from seeing him, might
seem dicatatorial(after all it IS her life), should I mention that this is
upsetting to me?
4)Do I have a right to be upset by it?

Also, as a sidenote:  What forms of body language and things of that nature
will lead to one saying that he won't be stepped on?  I'm moving into the 
dorms and it seems that my new roommates are already looking to take advantage
of me(will be moving in day-after-tomorrow) by saying that I'm being relocated
without my knowledge, to another room, not from admistitrative sources, but
rather just a spur-of-the moment thing from them.  I'm worried that if
they're just fooling around, how can I show that this is not the behavior that
I desire, and that I desire them to just cut the crap?  I tend to be the type ofperson to suborn how he feels to promote harmony.  How can I change this?
Should I willingly move to the new room?  Will this show my weakness? Or will
I be better off without such roomies?  Will my things be safe?  What if they
take my things(modem, phone, etc, etc) or deface my things.  What recourse 
have I if I want to resolve this without seeming weak(by taking it to higher 
ups)?  

Thanks..I wasn't sure where to post the sidenote....
Ben!

Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: jenn@objy.com
Subject: present for my SO
Followup-To: alt.romance
Reply-To: jenn@objy.com
Organization: Objectivity, Inc.
Distribution: usa
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 92 18:57:59 GMT


Hi.  

I've thinking of getting a few things for my boyfriend for Christmas (doing the 
shopping early this year), and one of the things I'm looking for is _anything_
relating to Chilly Willy (animated penguin:  chubby, red hat, steals fish).  What
I'd really love is a stuffed toy.  Now the last time I've heard of them being sold
was about 5 years ago at the United Artists studios in L.A.  Haven't seen one since 
then.  If anyone out there in NetLand could give me a hint where to find one, I'd
be eternally grateful.  

Thanks for the help ...

  - jenn

-- 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Objectivity, Inc.	| Any views represented | Jennifer L. Hom
800 El Camino Real	|  are strictly my own	| jenn@objy.com
Menlo Park, CA  94025	|  and have nothing to 	| uunet!objy.com!jenn
			| with the company ...	| (aka jenn@soda.berkeley.edu)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.couples
From: villa@cod.nosc.mil (Felipe Villa Jr.)
Subject: Re: Advice-how to break up?
Organization: Naval Ocean Systems Center
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 19:18:22 GMT

In article <74217@ut-emx.uucp> trevino@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Melissa Trevino) writes:
>From: trevino@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Melissa Trevino)
>Subject: Re: Advice-how to break up?
>Date: 19 Jun 92 14:48:59 GMT
>
>	Ouch.  This hit a little too close to home.  I have been having a few prproblems w/ my LDR (most on the subject of "if you say we should get married,
>then for God's sake, lets just do it!") so when I saw your post I cringed.  How
>long have you been dating her?  I guess that really does not matter.  I would do the break up in person.  Of course this means you have to deal with her, but
>doing it over the phone, or in a letter, is very inconsiderate.  Just take her someplace semi-public, like a park, and tell her straight out.  If you beat around the bush as to the why's of the whole thing, she'll wonder and brood about it
>and make it all harder on her.  But like I said, you will have to deal with her
>emotions ful force, and something tells me you are a afraid to do that.  Just
>MHO....
>
>melissa
>
>with a new editor and a new set of fingers :) (and a full nights sleep for once)
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
From: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Subject: Re: Flirting (was Re: Nice Guys?)
Reply-To: dswt@bnr.co.uk (Stewart Tansley)
Organization: BNR Europe Limited, London Road, Harlow, Essex, GB
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 17:35:32 GMT

In the referenced article alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( ) writes:
>In article <UeoPtZy00WB9E_h2Ey@andrew.cmu.edu> ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu (Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz) writes:
>>Excerpts from netnews.alt.sex: 6-Oct-92 Re: Nice Guys? by Stewart
>>Tansley@bnr.co.u 

[Whole bunch of stuff about me not liking flirting much, and related posts]

>
>As much as I may disagree with AG on some other topics, she is right
>on in the above statments.  Seriously, if you really, don't like
>flirting, you're going to have a *VERY* dull social life.  My female
>friends and I *still* flirt, and it's enjoyable, especially since we
>know there's nothing meant by it.  
>                              -Alex
>

You're right: I do have a very dull social life! :-/ Ah hahhhh.... :-)

Ok, so I do like flirting now & then. I just don't like it much if I've
been LJBF'ed by someone and they continue to flirt with me. And also, the
last time I was in a relationship & she flirted, I should've realised what
was coming in that it wasn't so long before she ran off with someone else.

Maybe your heuristic works: no flirting = boring. But mine also does,
based on the evidence, even if it's not provably correct and possibly
wrong 99% of the time for everyone but me: flirting = potential slut behaviour.

===========================================================================
Stewart Tansley     | BNR Europe Limited              |  'Be cool, or be
                    | London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK |    cast out...'
dswt@bnr.co.uk      | +44 279 429531 x2763 (ESN 742)  | Subdivisions, Rush
===========================================================================
  'You know how that rabbit feels -- going under your speeding wheels...'
===========================================================================
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: kiisaka@csi.uottawa.ca (Ken Iisaka (the mad pianist))
Subject: Re: Inter-racial relationships. What do you think?
Organization: Dept. of Computer Science, University of Ottawa
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 92 15:30:17 GMT

The colour of skin/hair does not determine the person's properties.  Though 
there may be a weak correlation between colour and the person's properties, 
but I firmly believe that individual differences are far greater than cultural
and racial differences.

As for me, I am Asian (Japanese, of Tokyo origin) while my SO is primarily an
WAS, but some of her ancesters came from France.  (Her last name, Butler is
a derivative of a French name, which I don't remember)

We have faced some difficulties.  Some of her friends thought she was making a
mistake and stated that I'm not "cool" because of my race.  Her grandparents
were so surprised that I was not white.  It was painful to hear them say to 
her, "I hope you made the right decision to marry someone of a different race."
-- 
Ken Iisaka               \ NEXT RECITAL  |12:00 pm, Thursday, January 7th, 1993
kiisaka@csi.uottawa.ca     \ Produced by |National Gallery of Canada, Ottawa
AI Lab, University of Ottawa \ CBC Stereo|Berg        Sonata, b minor, op. 1
H: +1 613 237 6642 W: 564 8155 \ 103.3 FM|Mussorgsky  Pictures at an Exhibition
From: ekman@netcom.com (Crossly the Glad-Eyed Bear)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: Gifts for Men (Re: Anniversery Gift Suggestions?)
Date: 9 Oct 92 20:49:10 GMT
Organization: Home for the Terminally Infirm

In article <Bvv9Gy.1Lr@usenet.ucs.indiana.edu> ksdavis@silver.ucs.indiana.edu (Karleenus Schwartz Davis) writes:
>Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz <ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu> writes:
>
>>>What kinds of gifts do the guys here think are romantic and something
>>>they'd like to get? Suggestions?
>
>Crossly the Glad-Eyed Bear (ekman@netcom.com) says:
>
>>I'd sure like a  new set of tires for the Chevy.
>
>Mine are always asking for jumper cables and new tools, and they're
>always disappointed when they open the package to find something
>like a sweater or some such.  Maybe next time I'll get take him 
>seriously. . .

Well, there you go, see?  You don't  take him seriously, and then he's
disappointed.

I have the same problem with my SEU(*).  Every year she asks me where I
want to go for dinner on my birthday, and every year I tell her I want
to go to Denny's and get a free meal, and every year she refuses to
believe me and we end up at the Iron Gate or some place where the check
comes to maybe a hundred and fifty bucks and nothing is free.   Oh,
sure, she puts the check on her plastic, but when her VISA bill comes in
the mail, she takes one look and slips it onto my desk  so I end up
paying anyway.   Sheesh.   I'd sure like to  be taken seriously for
once.

What?  This isn't alt.peeves?  Oh.  

(*)SEU=Spouse Equivalent Unit
-- 
Crossly the Glad-Eyed Bear              ekman@netcom.com
Home for the Terminally Infirm, Redwood City, California
From: goffgb@wkuvx1.bitnet
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: puzzled..
Date: 12 Oct 92 21:46:14 GMT
Organization: Western Kentucky University, Bowling Green, KY

In article <1992Oct9.135046.5997@nuscc.nus.sg>, isc30350@nusunix1.nus.sg (LOW SUET CHENG) writes:
> 
> Hello,
> 
> I'm not sure where to get started. So guess I'll jump in somewhere.
> 
> My RP and I broke up in mid-July. He had gone to Hong Kong for a month,
> when he got back, he told me he wanted to split. This was after 2 1/2
> years of being together. The reason he gave was that he had no more
> feelings for me, we were incompatible and had different ways of
> thinking. I had tried to get him to change his mind then, but couldn't.
> So I agreed to the break although I really didn't want to. But how do
> you make someone stay by your side when they already said that they do
> not want to stay.
> 
> After being apart for 2 1/2 months, I'm still not over him yet. I still
> miss him and think of him.
> 
> Today, I saw him together with another girl. I'm not sure if she's his
> new SO, as we haven't really communicated after the break. There was a
> time where he was actually quite hostile to me. He seemed happy with the
> girl, they were having lunch and were talking and laughing.
> 
> What I'm trying to get at is that, strangely enough, on seeing him with
> another girl, I didn't feel jealous. Instead, part of me felt happy that
> he is happy, althought he is with another girl. Whereas part of me felt
> sad that I was not the one who was able to make him happy.
> 
> What I want to know is that, does this happen to anyone else here on
> netland? I had always thought that if I were to see him with another
> girl, I would be very upset and very jealous of the girl. But strangely
> enough, this was not what I felt today. 
> 
> Any comments or views are very much welcomed here or email me at
> isc30350@nusunix1.nus.sg.
> 
> Esther
> 
Yes, this does happen to other people, besides just you. I used to see
my first ex-boyfriend all the time with his next girlfriend. I never
really felt jealous because he seemed so happy with her. I cared a lot
about him when we were going out, and though I had to end the
relationship for personal reasons, I did not want to. 

I wasn't jealous of the other girl; I actually congratulated her and
wished them well when I heard they were going out. He wasn't really
pleased with that because he was really angry with me for hurting him
( I can't blame him ). But they were happy, so I was sort-of happy, in
a strange sort of way. 

Don't know if that helped. MAybe just knowing you aren't the only one
that has happened to is enough to make you feel better. If you need a
pal to write to about this, email me. 

Gina
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: peram@cs.tamu.edu (Suresh B Peram)
Subject: Re: Won't have Sex with a Fat Guy
Organization: Computer Science Department, Texas A&M University
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 04:59:40 GMT

In article <1992Oct13.161621.6126@bnr.ca> P.8188 writes:
>A girlfriend of mine has been married for several years (16).  She is
>in very good shape and her husband has put on several layers of fat 
>on his frame.  

Firstly, on the subject :

   Different people have different likes - and also different levels
   to which they can comfortably adjust with things that they don't
   like.  This has not much to do with love.  I have seen many
   people help absolute strangers with great passion and I have seen
   married people trying to hurt their spouses.  It all depends on
   the person.  Having said this, personally I think that the world
   would be a better place, if people are a little bit more accomodating,
   a little bit more concerned about other's feelings.  But, I don't
   know if this type of behavior, viz. 'giving' (in every sense) can 
   be cultivated easily.  It takes practice.  It takes a little bit
   of education.  Education that teaches us that if we all try to make
   each other happy, collectively all of us (that includes our future
   generations) will be more happy.

   Whatever they want to do, it is better if they do it fast, instead
   of postponing.  Tell the girl that sex is a very important part
   of life and the female-superior position might circumvent most
   problems that she might have (if any).   If she cannot do simple
   adjustments in her behavior, she might as well leave him so that
   he can find somebody who likes him more.  

>
>She is totally turned off by his naked appearance to a point where 
>she doesn't want to have sex with him anymore.

   Isn't it natural that they should always do it total darkness,
   then !
   
>Lately, she came out and told him if he didn't lose weight, she wouldn't
>have sex with him anymore.  He was very upset (to say the least) and is
>showing signs of depression.  Now, she has come to me for advice.  
>I think she has handled this all wrong! 

   If he CAN lose weight (it is not easy for everybody to lose weight,
   as I understand !), I think he really should try his best to do so.
   They both need to see a counselor together.

>
>Okay Net people, what should she do about her marital problem? I think
>she loves him but not his fat!

   A counselor is nothing but a mediator; two people who don't
   listen to each other or who don't communicate well with each
   other, will probably listen to the insight given by a third
   person.  Seeing a counselor is very important.  If they are
   both mature, any logical thinking person who is trusted by
   both would do this job as well.


Secondly,

  How do people post without a return e-mail address ?


Suresh Peram
Newsgroups: alt.romance,alt.sex
From: alex@mentor.cc.purdue.edu ( )
Subject: Re: Flirting (was Re: Nice Guys?)
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 00:42:56 GMT

In article <UeoPtZy00WB9E_h2Ey@andrew.cmu.edu> ag1v+@andrew.cmu.edu (Andrea B. Gansley-Ortiz) writes:
>Excerpts from netnews.alt.sex: 6-Oct-92 Re: Nice Guys? by Stewart
>Tansley@bnr.co.u 
>> >Since when does "flirting" make a girl a "slut"?
>>  
>> It makes a woman seem like a (mild) slut to me -- especially if I happen to
>> like/love her at the time.
>
>Question. If your wife is flirting with you, are you going to see her as
>a mild slut? You're the only one she flirts with. You'd still see her as
>a mild slut? I'm not sure I understand why you think this way. (I don't
>know whether you have a wife or not. If not, then it's hypothetical.)
>
>> Some of us just don't like (sometimes) women who flirt, that's all. We may 
>> be Bad People, 
>
>I don't think you're 'Bad People'. I'd like to know what brought you to
>this conclusion. 
>
>> I especially dislike the occasional woman who flirts with me when I 
>> fancy them like crazy & they are just playing games. Bad news city.
>
>Isn't playing games different from flirting? I always thought so. Is there
>the possibility that some of the women who've flirted with you in the 
>past didn't know that you fancied them so much?
>
>I am often oblivious to flirting, others and my own. It wasn't until 
>people pointed out the 'actions' that they perceived as flirting that
>I was able to evaluate what flirting was and tone it down on my part.
>Are you sure the women who were flirting with you all knew what they
>were doing? I know this sounds kind of dumb, but some people really do
>not know what actions of theirs are perceived as flirting.
>
>ag


As much as I may disagree with AG on some other topics, she is right
on in the above statments.  Seriously, if you really, don't like
flirting, you're going to have a *VERY* dull social life.  My female
friends and I *still* flirt, and it's enjoyable, especially since we
know there's nothing meant by it.  
     Good people, bad people, what's it matter what they're called?
Compassionate, sincere, feeling, emapthic, now there's some terms that
actually matter.

                              -Alex
From: roberso@asdsun.larc.nasa.gov (Steve Roberson)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Am I in Love?
Date: 15 Oct 1992 13:42:14 GMT
Organization: NASA Langley Research Center, Hampton, VA  USA
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: asdsun.larc.nasa.gov

I've been seeing my girlfriend now for six months.

I thought all this time that I loved her, but now I'm not so sure.

We both have commitment, honesty, trust, and communication so what is
missing?

I almost feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I love her.

But I also feel like the one I'm supposed to be with is still out there.

Has any one gone through something like this because if you have I sure would
like some advice!


Steve
From: uwanless@mcl.ucsb.edu (Selective)
Newsgroups: alt.romance
Subject: Re: How do you tell a girl your feelings?
Date: 7 Oct 92 03:51:48 GMT

In <1at65rINN6cr@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> cf017@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Christopher P Readence) writes:



>I've known her for almost 5 years now.  I think she liked me when
>we first met, but I wasn't interested because she was 16 and
>I was 20.

Well, now that she's 21 and you're 25, age makes a much smaller difference.

Aside from the age issue, she was and is my closest
>friend -- we think think almost totally alike.

Then there should be no problem telling her what you feel, and chances are
she feels the same way.

>In the past year, I've noticed her acting more and more like "more
>than a friend".  I told her I wanted to be friends, and that's all,
>but I've noticed that my feelings for her have been leaning
>towards romantic love and not, as I've told her, platonic love.

So do something romantic for her and see how she reacts.  Take her out to a
candlelight dinner and discuss your relationship and where its going and/or
where you want it to go.

>We're really good friends, and I know she'll still be a friend if
>I tell her my feelings, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to if she
>tells me "LJBF".  What should I do, just come out and say it, that
>I'm crazy about her now, or should I first do a little probing to
>see if she's still interested?

You don't need to waste time beating around the bush with a person like this,
doesn't matter if she is interested romantic or friend. You gotta tell her and
soon, or else something good can get away.  Take a chance!  Something similar
happened to me when I was 13...knew this girl, to me an old woman at the time
(well, she was only 18, maybe a bit of an exaggeration) then I turned 20 and
she turned 25...and we ended up having quite a bit of fun together later...
believe me, it CAN work out, you just have to get in there and go for it!!
show some confidence!

--
************Paul Wanless "vangy"******************

"GO SYNTHESIZE A COMPOUND"
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: petitc@vccnw02.its.rpi.edu (Christopher Jon Petit)
Subject: What's Romantic?
Reply-To: petitc@rpi.edu
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy, NY.
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 23:14:59 GMT


  Just a simple little thread.  What do you think is more romantic: 

(A) Really big romantic getaways,

or

(B) More romantic 'little things'? (e.g. a little card for no reson)

-- 
Trust:  A very precious social commodity, due both to high value and terrible
scarcity.
MATWDTM:  Mothers Against Teenagers Who Drink Too Much (failed name for MADD)




Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: bena@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Ben Aveling)
Subject: Re: Query
Organization: Monash University General Access Unix
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 07:18:17 GMT

s342063@emu.insted.unimelb.edu.au wrote:
: In reply to s344021@emu.insted.edu.au :
: 
: I believe that an SO is a "significant other"
: 
: Would someone clarify this please ?
corect,

SO	 significant other
IMO/IMHO In my (Honest) opinon
BRB 	 Be right back - (not that you should ever see this in a post,
	 but if you ever `talk' to anyone it might come up.)

What have I missed ?

	Ben
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: marcia@netcom.com (Marcia)
Subject: Re: How do you know if you are in love?
Organization: The Dolphin Conspiracy, Phase II
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1992 05:46:55 GMT

In article <BvM7K0.wI@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> darkmoor@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Darkmoore) writes:
>
>  How do you know if you are in love?

I've thought about this a lot, and the only answer I come up with is: you
are in love if you label it such. 

It seems like a cop out, but I look at all the lists, and I don't agree 
with any of them. So I concluded that each person has their own set of "love
criteria", that are necessary and sufficient for them to be in love. You
can get samples from other people, but you are the one who has to pick
and choose what is right for you.
-- 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marcia Bednarcyk                                  ADDRESSES: marcia@netcom.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."                                     mlb@cisco.com
Newsgroups: alt.romance
From: c60a-gx@danube.Berkeley.EDU (Jeffrey Twu)
Subject: Re: present for my SO
Keywords: gift Opus penguin
Organization: University of California, at Berkeley
Distribution: usa
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 03:56:06 GMT

In article <1992Oct15.185759.7664@objy.com> jenn@objy.com writes:

"I've thinking of getting a few things for my boyfriend for Christmas
(doing the shopping early this year), and one of the things I'm looking
for is _anything_ relating to Chilly Willy (animated penguin:  chubby,
red hat, steals fish).  What I'd really love is a stuffed toy.  Now the
last time I've heard of them being sold was about 5 years ago at the
United Artists studios in L.A.  Haven't seen one since then.  If anyone
out there in NetLand could give me a hint where to find one, I'd be
eternally grateful."

I don't know if there are any more Chilly Willy's around, but I think I
have an idea for a substitute.  You might want to try Opus the penguin,
though if I remember correctly, Opus' character differs enormously from
innocent ol' Chilly Willy.  Opus is angst-ridden--deluged by the
commercialized social values of the '90s--yet, in his blundering steps
toward idealism, he is <cute>!

Just check the Sunday funnies, under "Outland" by Berkeley (Burke?)
Breathed, if you want to know Opus on a personal level.

Jeff
 _Please_remember:__________________________________________________________
|	Take it easy.							    |
|		...and don't forget that human touch.	   	            |
|<c60a-gx@danube.berkeley.edu>_________________________________<Jeffrey Twu>|
Newsgroups: alt.romance