From: dave@mutnix.apana.org.au (David Carr, Comp.Room)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: More jokes
Date: 8 Oct 92 00:02:28 GMT
Organization: Model 16B resurection group


	Here are some funnies I found floting around the network
  some time ago .....

			You never know ..... They might even tickle your
						funny bone!!!!



Mustaches

Some men look good with mustaches.  Those men are Tom Selleck and Burt
Reynolds.  There are no women who look good with mustaches.

David Letterman

Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the Earth.  Women
think he is a mean, semidorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

Cameras

Men take photography very seriously.  They'll shell out $4000 for state of the
art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.  Women
purchase Kodak Instamatics.  Of course women always end up taking better
pictures.

Locker Rooms

In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women,
They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they
think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.  Women talk about one
thing in the locker room -- sex.  And not in abstract terms, either.  They are
extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Laundry

Women do the laundry every couple of days.  A man will wear every article of
clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were really hip about eight
years ago, before he will do the laundry.  When he is finally out of clothes,
he will wear a dirty sweatsuit inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain
of dirty clothes to the Laundromat.  Men always expect to met beautiful women
at the Laundromat, but this is only a myth perpetuated by old reruns of Love
American Style.

Politics

Men love to talk politics, but often they forget to do political things such as
voting.  Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedy's is growing
up and getting into politics because they will be able to campaign for them and
cry on election night.

Weddings

When reminiscing about weddings women talk about "the ceremony."  Men talk
about "the bachelor party."

Cheerleaders

Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all American.  Male cheerleaders
are scary.

Socks

Men are sensible about socks.  They wear argyle socks or standard white
sweatsocks.  Women wear strange socks.  Socks with pictures of clouds on them.
Socks that are cut way below their ankles.  socks that have little fuzzy balls
on the back.

Garages

Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers.  Men use
garages for many things.  They hang license plates in garages, and they watch
TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.

Movies

For women their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh
for the first time in Gone With the Wind.  For men it's when Jimmy Cagney
shoves grapefruit in May Clark's face in Public Enemy.

Nudity in Movies

Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene.  This is
because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.  The
only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere.  This is
another reason why men hate him.

Jewelry

Women look nice when they wear jewelry.  A man can get away with wearing one
ring and that's it.  Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer
named Vic.

The Most Important Difference of All

Colored underwear.  Women are allowed, in fact encouraged, to wear colored
underwear.  There is no reason for a man to ever, ever, wear anything besides
solid white.
Newsgroups: aus.jokes