From: fkhurshi@crc.ac.uk (Ms F. Khurshid)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.pakistan,soc.culture.indian
Subject: ***** P.M.T ******* (part I)
Date: 9 Apr 92 17:09:49 GMT
Organization: MRC Human Genome Resource Centre


                  P.M.T. (Pre-Marital Tension)
                 ------------------------------
 
My first experience of P.M.T. came when I was 21. Throughout my studies my
parents had resisted the idea of marriage for me thinking it unwise. However,
after I failed my second year at college and when I was feeling at an all
time low in morale and self confidence, they suddenly decided that this was
the right time for me to be "on the market". After some initial objections
to the idea I agreed to their proposition, which was if I came across
Mr. Right the engagement could be extended until the completion of
my degree. if I did not meet him I had nothing to lose. Fine I thought.

First encounter: after an exchange of C.V's thro a third party a rendezvous
was arranged. After cleaning the house and making sure everything was 'just
right' (by which time I was totally exhausted and nearly dead! :-) On the
insistence of my mother I wore a v.feminine shalwar kameez and I waited 
and waited, finally he came.. I felt uncomfortable, self conscious and 
nervous. to add insult to injury I could sense that my prospective suitor
did not like what he saw, and that his answer would be a negative one.

All too often a man's priority in a wife is her looks and character always 
comes second- he is really only looking for a showpiece -even if he
 himself looks like an extra in 'Gremlins' :-)

 However, we proceeded to carry out the usual formalities, informing each other
of our hobbies, likes, dislikes, and what we wanted from a marriage. I came
across as a plain, simple, boring person and had I been the other person I
would have said 'no' to me  :-)  At the time I found the situation very
degrading, but it did give me experience for my future interviews.

My next 'viewings' took place after my studies by which time my parents
had discovered a few potential candidates.

Mr. Passive
-----------
Already late, I hurriedly approached the meeting place, frantically
searching for someone whose face was unknown to me. I had seen the interviewees
brother and so imagined a face like his. As I arrived at the agreed place I
saw a motionless figure gazing in my direction. Explaining away his blank
look as one of admiration, and hoping that this was not the applicant for 
union, it soon became apparent to me that it was.
 Having ordered a table and menu for us, he seemed remarkably easy to
please, asked me no questions and made no remarks that were not bland
and commonplace. He could have been Mary Whitehouse's dream man,or my 
'yes man' in a George and Mildred type of partnership. In fact his appearance
and manners suggested that George may well have been his idol :-). On
departure I asked how I should convey my answer to him, his reply was: 
"Its up to you" . Of course it was, how unassuming of me! 


Mr Serious
----------
2 1/2 hours late, mr Serious arrived looking just that, blaming his lateness
on the traffic ( a little originality would have been welcomed). He was a 
big man, over six feet and proportionately broad and I found his appearance
domineering. Over tea, a strict 'job' interview followed in which he was
definately the interviewer- mainly because I knew I did'nt want Hitler for a
husband and so didnt bother to appear interested. The fact that he had
 been so late made my blood boil. On this occasion my mothers objections
to my dress sense were evidently echoed in his mind. I felt he found my
loud trousers and large earrings a picture too harsh to present tohis mother:-)
Mr Serious obviously wanted a 'yes master' relationship with his wife, 
someone who was submissive and would make him look larger than he already was.
 After half an hour of straight talk, without a smile from him,I enquired what
his primary requirement was in a partner. To my disbelief he replied a "sense 
of humour". True she would have to possess this quality to be his wife.

(.continued  part II)

Uravshi Sojitriwala 
/ Farha