HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: avk@hafnium.cchem.berkeley.edu (Tony Konashenok)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Road signs
Date: 9 Oct 1992 20:58:58 GMT
Organization: University of California, Berkeley
Distribution: world
NNTP-Posting-Host: hafnium.cchem.berkeley.edu

On one road in Sonoma County, CA, you can see a sign:

                          $1000 FINE
                        FOR LITTERING

Across the road, facing the opposite direction is a sign:

                          $500 FINE
                        FOR LITTERING

-- 
Tony Konashenok   avk@hafnium.cchem.berkeley.edu   (510)527-7524 (home)
University of California, Berkeley                 (510)642-5831 (office)

Strauss research group, Latimer Hall, UC Berkeley, Berkeley CA 94720, U.S.A.
From: mckellar@cs.UAlberta.CA (Neil McKellar)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Software Engineers
Date: 9 Oct 92 17:42:33 GMT
Organization: University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada

>In article <28653@nntp_server.ems.cdc.com>, you@ems.cdc.com writes...
>
> What is a software engineer? A programmer on overtime?
> 

In the aerospace industry (I hear :-), a software engineer is either:

  1. An aerospace engineer hired to write code in Ada when he'd rather
     do it in FORTRAN or Turbo Pascal.

or

  2. A programmer with a fancy title so aerospace engineers will listen
     to him (when he tells them how great Ada is :-).

Neil

--
You don't believe politicians, why believe me?
--
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: jswarts@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Jonathan Swarts)
Subject: Yogi Berism
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 04:04:09 GMT

My alltime favorite Yogi Berism is when, during spring training, he wanted all 
his players to "line up alphabetically by height." Think about it!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: mfc1493@tamuts.tamu.edu (Michael Frank Caver)
Subject: mom jokes...again
Organization: ~/lib/organization
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 21:03:04 GMT

Ok. Confusion. I want Mother jokes, not "Mommy, Mommy" jokes for the list I'm
compiling.

Send 'em if ya got 'em.

Ratboy
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: la@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Lewis Alderton)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Hello
Date: 14 Oct 92 12:26:54 GMT
Organization: Department of Computer Science, University of Edinburgh

In article <1992Oct13.030324.15399@vicstoy.UUCP>, aphelps@vicstoy.UUCP (Austin Phelps) writes:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hello.  How are you today?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm fine, so cascade away!
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>OK. You can call me ray.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>You doesn't has to call me ray, you can call me Jay.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Don't you have anything better to say?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Perhaps there is some better way?
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Oh, there MUST be, I should say!
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>I wish this would just go away.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>It might, but not today.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>And yet another, enters the fray.
> >>>>>>>>>>>Oh gawd, time to pray!
> >>>>>>>>>>Will this last til June or May?
> >>>>>>>>>This rhyme, I will not betray.
> >>>>>>>>Why not today.
> >>>>>>> BTW... :-)
> >>>>>>Throw the "C" manual away !
> >>>>>I hear that FORTRAN is the new wave!
> >>>>BASIC is here to stay!
> >>>12 year olds sure like to play!
> >>I'll add one more line, OK?
> >No fucking way!
> Any way, any day!
Have a Gay Day Ray (Gay does still mean "happy" in Britain)

+------------------------------------------------------------+
| Lovely Louie              | We must use time as a tool     |
| la@dcs.ed.ac.uk           | not a couch.                   |
|                           +--------------------------------+
|                           | J.F.Kennedy                    |
+------------------------------------------------------------+
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: grossm@cary115.its.rpi.edu (Matthew Jonah Grossman)
Subject: Re: answer-phones
Reply-To: grossm@rpi.edu
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy, NY.
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 00:51:34 GMT

In article <Bvn98u.CHt@brunel.ac.uk>, ma90alb@brunel.ac.uk (Ashley L Brandwood) writes:
|> Please post me a copy of the answer phone messages to ma90alb@brunel.ac.uk
|> 
|> 
|> Thanx
|> 
|> 
|> Ashley

Me, too!!!   grossm@rpi.edu
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: weed@venus.ycc.yale.edu
Subject: A note from the Blonde Joke list editor
Organization: Yale Computer Center (YCC)
Date: 7 Oct 92 01:55:05 EDT

Just a brief note from the administrator of the "Blonde Jokes: Versions
5.0-6.0"."  I am seriously considering moving the posting of the list from this
newsgroup to alt.tasteless.jokes.  Should you have a *strong* opinion o  this,
or if you're willing to help crosspost to the appropriate groups, (something I
don't know how to do from this system), please respond via mail to the
following account.
weed@minerva.cis.yale.edu,
as I would like to keep this work out of my main accounts.  If you have *very*
new jokes, I'll take them too, but please, no long lists, just the joke, if
you're pretty damned sure that I haven't seen it, because, its likely (with
415), that I've seen it before.  Before I get a lot of notes about "please
repost", I will post version 6.0.1 to either this group, or alt.tasteless.jokes
either at the end of this semester, or at the beginning of next semester,
depending on my work load, and general level of busyness.
Matt
From: 9120800f@lux.latrobe.edu.au (EDSECOMBE Andrew)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED: Apartment Complex Practical Jokes
Date: 13 Oct 92 06:59:44 GMT
Organization: La Trobe University

" beware the infinite onion"
The edge
From: bonnaud@rtf.bt.co.uk (Neil Bonnaud)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: I'm so unlucky that...
Date: 9 Oct 92 10:31:40 GMT
Organization: BT Customer Systems, Brighton, UK

I even get letters from Readers Digest telling me I _haven't_ been entered
in a draw for $10000, a BMW and a world cruise.

How unlucky are you?
==============================================================
TTFN
Neil
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: chorley@vms.ocom.okstate.edu
Subject: Re: American joke (oxymoron)
Organization: OSU College of Osteopathic Medicine
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1992 18:07:12 GMT


> : You are SO right!!
> : I think I didn't hear something SO right for ages!
> : Are they really assholes,or what?
> : Even their grades: the 100F = the human body temperature(and Farenhite the idiot
> :  measured his temperature when he had fever,so it's ~38C),and the 0F=~-18(again
> :  Farenhite the idiot got out from his house in a winter day(-18C),and said it
> :  is SO(?!!?) cold,that this must be the 0,and colder than that is impossible).
> :  It is totaly incorrect,and non-scientifical..but..heh..Americans..
 
Sir: one has to stop and wonder about your bigotry against Americans, 
especially when you claim that they are stupid and:

		1. You consistently mis-spell Fahrenheit

		2. There is really no general consensus as to what "true 
		   body temperature " is anyway.

		3. Your use of the idioms "totaly (sic) incorrect", and 
		   "assholes", which as my deceased maiden aunt (who was 
		   the headmistress at a British boarding school) would 
		   have disdained (after dying of horror) as "Americanisms"
		   shows to the enlightened audience that the beast you 
		   rail against is the animal within.

		4. IRREGARDLESS of it being UNSCIENTIFICAL, it is IRONICAL 
		   that you should be at a university which is dedicated to 
		   a gentleman who, despite all his achievements, decided 
		   that the gauge of his railway should be seven feet and 
		   one quarter of an inch.

Perhaps you should have tried for UMIST instead. (Inviting flames)
In reference to 3, above ; quit being a bigoted arsehole.
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: teskey@plains.NoDak.edu (Dr. Snake Voivod)
Subject: Re: WANTED: Halloween costume ideas
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 12:35:26 GMT
Organization: North Dakota Higher Education Computing Network

In article <1992Oct13.145638.17370@st-andy.uucp> larry@st-andy.uucp (Larry Martell) writes:
>
>Everyone post their funny, original, bizzar, etc. Halloween costumes.
>
>-- 
>Larry Martell                 

Though it's not particularily funny.. my favorite ex-costume was going as
a Las-Vegas style lounge lizard.  It's easy.. you go to a thrift store, buy
the first plaid or navy blue polyester sport coat you can find, get a ruffly
shirt and wear chains.  Oh yeah, put on 20-30 coats of Aqua Velva..

Now for the beauty of the costume:  You can be as drunk and obnoxious as
you want (It's in character!), you can blatantly use every awful pickup line
you have ever heard completely shamelessly (It's in character too!) such
as "Hey baby.. your place or my car?" or "How about we go back to my place
and you run your fingers through the hair on my back?" or "Nice dress baby-
can I help you out of it?" or finally.. "Hey, howzabout a pizza and a fuck?
Hey!  Wait!  Don't you like pizza?"

Finally, you get to serenade girls with awful lounge-sounding covers like..

Whoa.. WhoaWhoa Sweeet Child of Mine.. HEY!  (Sung in an elvis-type voice)

etc.. etc.   THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!  Just be sure to bone up on 
your disco steps.

While we are on it.. does anybody else have more of these truly bad pickup
lines?

============================================================================
Mark W. Teskey                            

INTERNET:                  teskey@plains.nodak.edu		o/
BITNET:                    teskey@plains                       <|   stayin'
UUCP:                      ...!uunet!plains!teskey	       / >  alive!
============================================================================
-- Hi! I am a .signature virus. Copy me into your .signature to join in! --
From: Robyn_Clark@mindlink.bc.ca (Robyn Clark)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Halloween picture (a bat). Have any other pics?
Date: 11 Oct 92 19:47:20 GMT
Organization: MIND LINK! - British Columbia, Canada
Distribution: world

Since when did Halloween become a holiday (grin)?

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: aaf0@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu (Andrew Aaron Feigin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: sorry bout the 40000, i goofed!
Date: 14 Oct 92 20:29:58 GMT
Organization: Lehigh University

it was only a local thing.
sorry.
later
andy
-- 
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes,alt.folklore.computers,aus.computers
From: iain@ee.ryerson.ca (Iain Campbell)
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Organization: Ryerson Polytechnical Institute, Toronto
Date: Thu, 15 Oct 1992 15:19:51 GMT

In article <roelle.718663295@uars_mag> roelle@uars_mag.jhuapl.edu (Curtis Roelle) writes:
>pjordan@rp.CSIRO.AU (Patrick Jordan) writes:
>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Patrick Jordan                      |          _
>>CSIRO Division of Radiophysics      |        // \   I am not a number,
>>NSW, Australia                      |       /( 6 )  I am a free man.
>>pjordan@rp.csiro.au                 |      () \_/
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>                                               /|\
>Is this an old fashioned bicycle, or is it      |
>the freely swinging 'Mr. Limpy' with the        |
>numeral "6" tattood on his left plum?   >>>-----
>


Knowest thou not ... the Prisoner ???

Iain
From: hamilton@miki.pictel.com (Charlie Hamilton)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED: Disease jokes
Date: 7 Oct 92 17:09:19 GMT
Organization: PictureTel Corporation

In article <2800@bsu-cs.bsu.edu> ragman@bsu-cs.bsu.edu (Mike "Ragman" Norris) writes:
>If you know of any jokes about ANY disease, please email to me...
>Any disease is acceptable (i.e.- Cancer, AIDS, any type of VD, phobias
>or anything else which can go wrong with the human body or mind.
>Also of interest are jokes of a socially unacceptable nature, fpr
>instance racial humor or those concerning insights into any social
>miscreant
>
>Thanks in advance... *Mike*
>Internet: 00MMNORRIS@LEO.BSUVC.BSU.EDU
>IRC:        ragman
>Unix:      ragman@bsu-cs.bsu.edu
>


Here's one I read on alt.tasteless a while ago. It's about a leper.

A leper walks into a bar to get a beer. This is not your ordinary
leper - he is particularly disgusting. He has pus oozing off of his
hands and arms, and little bits of flesh hanging by threads. The
bartender takes one look at him and turns yellow. The leper says,
"I'm sorry, I know I look disgusting, but I really wanted to have
a beer. I'll leave if you like." The bartender says, "That's OK,
I'll get you a beer. Everyone is welcome here."

So the leper is drinking his beer, and meanwhile, the bartender 
has turned from yellow to green, and is getting greener. Finally,
the bartender pukes all over the bar. The leper says, "I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have come in here. I know I'm disgusting to look at."

The bartender says, "Oh no, it's not you. It's the guy next to
you. He's been dipping his chips in your hand for the last five
minutes."
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: monalisa@wam.umd.edu (Joe Leger)
Subject: Re: Retirement Bulletin
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 20:29:31 GMT


**SHIT!!!!*** I screwed that one up..... OK, here it is....._really_


Here is a particular amusing bulletin put out by someone at the University of
Maryland.  For anyone who doesn't know, we have faced _HUGE_ budget cuts--
and we're slated for yet _more_ (somewere in the 40 millions).  So laugh
on.......



_MEMORANDUM:_

TO:   ALL EMPLOYEES

RE:   RETIREMENT BULLETIN


As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for departmental areas,
we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under the Plan, older employees will be asked to go on early retire-
ment, thus permitting the retention of the younger people who represent 
our future plans.

Therefore, a Program to phase out older personnel by the end of the
current fiscal year (via retirement) will be placed into effect
immediately.  This Program will be known as RAPE (Retirement Aged
Personnel Early).

Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to look for other
jobs outside the University.  Provided that they are being RAPED, they
can request a review of their employment records before actual retire-
ment takes place.  This phase of operation is called SCREW (Survey of
Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with
upper management.  This phase is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority 
Following Termination).  Under the terms of the new Policy, an employee
may be RAPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the
University deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to
get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Severance) or CLAP
(Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment). unless he/she already has AIDS
(Additional Income from Dependents or Spouse).  As HERPES and CLAP are
considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP
will no longer be RAPED or SCREWED by the University.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on-board 
that the University will continue its policy of to assure that employees
are will-trained through our Special High Intensity Training Program 
(SHIT).  The University takes pride in the amount of SHIT our employees
receive.  We have given our employees more SHIT than any other univer-
sity in the area.  If any employee feels he/she does not receive enough 
SHIT on the job, please see your immediate supervisor.  Your Supervisor 
is especially trained to make sure that you receive all the SHIT you can
stand.


-------Sorry for any typos...........
From: ahummel@ems.cdc.com (H. Austin Hummel)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: WANTED: Halloween costume ideas
Date: 16 Oct 92 16:15:12 GMT
Reply-To: you@ems.cdc.com
Organization: Empros Systems International, a division of CDC

In article <8270@vtserf.cc.vt.edu>, huddle@vttcf.cc.vt.edu (Scott Huddle) writes:
|> I had heard about a guy who dressed completely in black and carried a
|> large circle of black cardboard. 
|> 
|> He could be a question mark, an exclamation point, a semi-colon, a
|> period, a colon, ...
|> 
|> Rather clever, I thought.
|> --
|> -scott
|>  

Or without the dot, he is a pipe | ;-)
From: prem@prem.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: GREETS
Date: 7 Oct 1992 17:44:07 GMT
Organization: Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory
Distribution: world
Reply-To: prem@prem.lbl.gov (Shirdi R. Prem)
NNTP-Posting-Host: prem.lbl.gov

In article <775.165.uupcb@philabs.philips.com> john.fix%hardgood@philabs.philips.com (John Fix)  writes:
 >
 >What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the road 
 >and a dead skunk in the road?
 >
 >There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

	And champagne stains on the road after the dead lawyer........

	Prem!
================================================================================
====    When in Rome, PARTY !!         -- Original, so it probably sucks.   ====
================================================================================
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: pt@geovision.gvc.com (Paul Tomblin)
Subject: Re: temp
Reply-To: pt@geovision.gvc.com
Organization: Not officially GeoVision Systems Inc., Ottawa, Ontario
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 23:00:07 GMT

luf4695@cuphub.cup.edu writes:

>This is a temp posting that can be flamed at any time

Then it must be a pretty high temp!

(Oh, Oh - I'm so sorry)

-- 
Paul Tomblin, pt@geovision.gvc.com
(This is not an official opinion of GeoVision Systems Inc.)
"I just posted from babbage.museum.london.uk, and BOY ARE MY ARMS TIRED!!"
   - Rolf Wilson in alt.folklore.computers
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: fsmgs@camelot.acf-lab.alaska.edu (Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage])
Subject: Lawyer joke
Organization: University of Alaska Computer Network
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 01:18:08 GMT

Ricki Dulin <RICKI@wvnvm.wvnet.edu> writes
>      "You say that now. But how can I be sure you won't file a
>      writ after you pass the kidney stone?"

I don't understand this punchline
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes
From: Molthart@In.Your.Head.Com (Bingo)
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Organization: IYH
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 04:18:42 GMT
X-Posted-From: pb09-pb116.city.unisa.edu.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: sol.ctr.columbia.edu

In article <Ads.1@Where.The.Hell.Was.I> Ads@Where.The.Hell.Was.I (Boomshanka) writes:

>In article <1992Oct9.033414.10664@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au> s1071828@giaec.cc.monash.edu.au (Matthew Long) writes:

>>In article <1992Oct8.090930.13104@phillip.edu.au> t9114138@phillip.edu.au writes:
>>>In article <1992Oct6.082403.202984@uctvax.uct.ac.za>, barrylev@uctvax.uct.ac.za writes:
>>>>>> I thought IBM stood for "I Bought Macintosh"
>>>>>
>>>>> Nope, that's  "I Broke Macintosh"
>>>
>>>       Isn't it "I Buried Macintosh" ?

>>Isn't it "What boring shit"? Piss off with your computer crap.
>                                                 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

>What do you mean by 'computer crap'?

	Just what he said STUPID!!!!

>What do you think that thing is in front of you letting you read news?
>An abacus?

	No it's a f*cking orange.... Of course it's not a bloody abacus you
steeknin piece of slime *duh*

Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: umwawry1@ccu.umanitoba.ca (Brian Frank Wawryk)
Subject: Three-legged-chicken
Organization: University of Manitoba, Winnipeg, Canada
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 21:41:47 GMT

One day this guy was driving down a country road in his car.
All of a sudden, he saw a chicken pass him doin' 80 kmh.
He had to see where this chicken was going so he stepped on sped
up and followed the chicken into a barn yard.
He got out of his car and asked the farmer about the chicken.

The farmer replied, "Well, me and my two brothers really love
drum sticks and since a chicken only has two, we decided to
breed a three-legged-chicken."

"So how do they taste?", asked the man.

The farmer replied, "We don't know, we can't catch 'em!!"

        ----------------------------------------------------------
       /\ \\\\        **** \   Brian F. Wawryk                    \
      ///\   \\\\    ****   \   University of Mantioba             \
     /////\     \\\\****     \   Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada         \
    ///////\       \\\\       \   e-mail: umwawry1@ccu.umanitoba.ca  \
   /////////\     ****\\\\     \                                      \
   ----------\   ****    \\\\   \   "Give it all you got...            \
              \ ****        \\\\ \    then borrow from your neighbour." \
               ----------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes,alt.folklore.computers,aus.computers
From: pjordan@rp.CSIRO.AU (Patrick Jordan)
Subject: Re: Thoughts
Organization: CSIRO Division of Radiophysics, NSW, Australia
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 01:21:15 GMT

In article <1992Oct7.032335.3176@wam.umd.edu>, monalisa@wam.umd.edu (Joe Leger) writes:
> 
> As a matter of fact, I find this drivel quite amusing.  My brother who is
> a Comp/EE major also finds this funny, as he does't muh care for Mac's or
> anything that is basically mouse driven.  Real men _type_ in commands they
> want to use.........
> 
> 
> -Joe

No, REAL men reject keyboards and just use a soldering iron and wire cutters.

-- 

Be seeing you!

Patrick.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patrick Jordan                      |          _
CSIRO Division of Radiophysics      |        // \   I am not a number,
NSW, Australia                      |       /( 6 )  I am a free man.
pjordan@rp.csiro.au                 |      () \_/
------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: CENG51@maccvm.corp.mot.com (Craig Witkowski)
Subject: Re: Wanted: Al Bundy comments..
Organization: Motorola
Date: 14 Oct 1992 18:35:28 CDT

------------------------- Original Article -------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: dp35@mc1adm.UWaterloo.ca (Greg Moore)
Subject: Re: Wanted: Al Bundy comments..
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1992 19:57:02 GMT

In article <1992Oct12.115821.1172W@skylark.edb.tih.no> stigh@edb.tih.no writes:
>I wonder if anyone has written down Al bundy's comments when
>he enters the home, or his comments about Peggy...
>
>If you do, POST IT!

Peg: Hi honey...Did you miss me?

Al:  With every bullet so far!

----------------------------- More ----------------------
Peg: Would you cheat on me Al?

Al: Why go out for milk when you've got a cow at home?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: paien00@DMI.USherb.CA (NICOLAS-MAXIME PAIEMENT)
Subject: Re: Roomates...
Organization: Ascot Boyz - ANS - BB #1
Date: Thu, 8 Oct 1992 23:46:08 GMT

In article <BvtFqu.M79@cs.dal.ca> berardo@ug.cs.dal.ca (Troy Berardo) writes:
>	Quite a while ago I saw a List of Ways to Confuse (Annoy) your
>	roomate(s).  I think it was in this newsgroup and if anyone
>	happens to have it on file could they PLEASE send it to me.
>	Any help will be much appreciated.  Thanks in advance.
>						Troy
>

I would like to have also... thanks!

-- 
*****************************************************************************
Nicolas-Maxime Paiement    *          ---> Nicks do not sucks! <---         *
paien00@dmi.usherb.ca      *  Woltman's Law :                               *
Universite de Sherbrooke   *  Never program & drink beer at the same time!  *
Newsgroups: rec.humor