From: v5937t33@ubvmsb.cc.buffalo.edu (Persephone)
Newsgroups: rec.music.dementia
Subject: Re: Frontal Lobotomy -- recording, artist name, and lyric wanted
Keywords: frontal lobotomy, bottle in front of me
Date: 10 Apr 92 20:21:00 GMT
Article-I.D.: acsu.1992Apr10.192159.656
Distribution: usa
Organization: The Inhumanitarians
News-Software: VAX/VMS VNEWS 1.41

In article <10APR199209434067@zeus.dev.macsch.com>, m_reymond@macsch.com writes...
>This is my first posting in r.m.d. Please let me know if it should be 
>somewhere else.
> 
>I'm looking for a recording of a very funny song with the lyric:
> 
>"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me,
> than a frontal lobotomy..."
> 
>If you know the name of the artist and/or the lyrics please post them
>or email me.

Aha!
Yet another posting for this classic...
The song is "Existential Blues" by Tom "T-Bone" Stankus, available on the 
1980's Dr. D collection album (or any of his collections, really). The lyrics 
have been posted here so many times I don't have the heart to do it again....

Then again...
(apologies in advance for minor errors)

Hey man, what are you really into, huh?
The elusive butterfly has just tiptoed past my door
My buddy likes the Yankees, she says, "Hey, T-Bone, what's the score?"
And I say, well, Reggie got one to one in three and 25 in 6 to 4,
Is a left-wing reall pinko? Colonel Sanders, what a bore.
You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose? 
Is this schizoid paranoia or just existential blues?

The amenities of life have been chasing my soul,
And my mind is transcendental, and I'm losing all control.
And I'm sinking in the quagmire of illusions and Thoreau -
I cry out, "My name is T-Bone!" and a hound dog digs a hole.
You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
Is this Plato's heebie-jeebies or just existential blues?

Sailing, sailing, what is illusion, what is true?
Sailing, sailing, over the existential blues.
God bless America, land of glory, too,
May she always wave o'er us with the red, white, and existential blues -
Hey, bobdiddybobdiddy dangadangdang ding existential blues
You can do what you want but lay off my existential blues
My blue suede existential blues.

I was on a quest! Walking down the road one day, doo dah, doo dah,
I was walking down thw road, I was looking for the truth of life,
When I came across all these little people, little people all around me.
They looked up at me and said, "Hey mister, are you tall?"
I said yes, I'm tall, but who are you weird little wonders?
And they looked up at me with their big red bloodshot eyes and said,
"We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids,
We are the lollipop kids of munchkin land!"
I said hey, weird little wonders, I am on a quest...
I said hey kids, I am looking for the truth in life -
Where do I go, who do I see...
They said "Slow down, mister! In order to find the truth of life,
One must see...the Wizard!"
I said, "The Wizard? Well, where's this wizard o wise one live?"
They said, "You see the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill?"
I said "Yes I see the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill,
with the dark forest between me and the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on
the hill, and a little old lady on a hoover vacuum cleaner going 'I'll get you,
my pretty, and your little dog Toto too!' I don't even have a little dog Toto!"
Such predicaments, I must forge ahead...
I said, "You know kids, I can handle the big green glo-in-the-dark house up
on the hill, I can handle the dark forest, I can handle the little old lady,
but it's a very strange road you're sending me down...
I've seen yellowstripes in the middle of a road before, but kids, never quite 
that wide..."
All right, tighten yer shorts, pilgrim and sing like the Duke:
Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road,
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road.
If everwhwever a wiz there was, the Wizard of Oz is fun because,
Because, because, because, because, beacause of the wonderful things he does!
Lalalalalala lala! We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz!

Well, I got a little bit tired of walking down the road one day, doo dah, doo dah
little bit tired of walking down this ol' blinding yellow road
So I pull my tired little body off into a little rest area
And lo and behold there's a little field of little red flowers out there
And they smelled so good, I figured I'd just stretch out in this field of 
Poppies...poppies...poppies...
What a strange dream...little flowers, they smell awfully good, and I'm really
tired...old wizards just gonna have to wait, man, 'cause I'm just gonna stretch out in this
out in this field of poppies...poppies...Dorothy...Dorothy...
Along came this old man in a green El Dorado II, screeched to a halt
A little short man with a big red nose toking a bottle of Yukon Jack
Strolled up to me, said "Hey son,"
Old man, don't bother me, poppies...poppies...
He said, "T-Bone"
I said, wait a minute, this man knows my name, he must be...the Wizard!
You must be the Wizard,
The Wizard of Oz, 
Why have you come to haunt me,
O wizard of oz?
I said, O wizard O wise one, I have been on a quest...
He said, "Hey son, slow down, relax."
I said but wizard o wise one I have come so far to find the truth of life!
He says, "Hey son, slow down, relax cause a' to tell you the truth, son..."
I said, but wizard, that's what I've come to find, is the truth!
He said, "No, no, son you've got me all wrong. To tell you the truth, son,
Uh, how can I tell you this? I've been in this field of poppies a long time
myself, and I've come to find that the only truth in life is right here in
this bottle."
I said wizard!
He said, "No, truly, son. In fact, I'd rather have this bottle in front of me
than a frontal lobotomy!!"
How profound, wizard!

Some girl with psychic powers, she said, "T-Bone, what's your sign?"
I blink and answer, "Neon," I thought I'd blow her mind.
She reading Moby Dick by some fruitcake named Herman,
She's chomping on a knockwurst, was (can't get this word) really German?
You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
Is this really Bugh, Montana or just existential blues?
Really Bugh, Montana?
Is this Plato's heebie-jeebies?
Is this schizoid paranoia?
Lalalala lalala, existentential blues!!! 

               Once again, I apologize for any errors.


                                             -Persephone the Toaster Fairy