HDTenEightyP/NetNews huggingface dataset:
From: anon-1317@twwells.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: still here
Date: 7 Jan 93 20:39:29 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com

and that's about all i can say that might
be positive..

ugh, i hate feeling this way-- i am so damn
confused and tired-- i just don't know what
i want..

lately, i have even had a lot of problems
having sex-- it's just all of a sudden--
i just don't "feel" right-

my "friend" whom i've been seeing for over 
a year-  was with me the other night and i
just all of a sudden wanted to push him away
from me-- i never did that before-- i've
always enjoyed sex with him-- but all of a sudden
it just felt "cheap" and i just didn't want him
being around me-- this really distrubed me.

he was very understanding and listened to me--
he said that it was ok - that i could sleep with
him and not have sex-- that was good- because i
was afraid to sleep by myself that night-- it seems
like i am becoming more afraid to sleep by myself.
i mean here i am 45 yrs old- have a grandson, two
grown kids and all of a sudden, i can't sleep by
myself-- it just doesn't make any sense.  

he has "post tramatic syndrone" also-- he was a
viet nam prisoner of war ages ago-- came back home
and got his masters degree and a pharmacy degree- and
has managed to remain somewhat "normal"  

i've told him about my childhood sexual abuse and he
can understand the flashbacks-- he still has some himself--
so at least he is knowing that what i'm doing is trying to
recover-- but does it ever get there?

before-- for the past 3 yrs - sex has been a comfort to me--
now - i don't know--




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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Me
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Followups-To: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery.d
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1993 19:54:47 GMT

Chip Salzenberg (chip@tct.com) wrote:

: According to rmr@acsu.buffalo.edu (Richard M. Romanowski):
: > i.e., since rape didn't exist in me, it could not exist anywhere...
: 
: So if I get to the point where you don't make sense to me, then _you_
: could not exist in my presence?  You wouldn't exist anywhere?

At least not in your reality.  In some societies, a shaman, to prove his (or
her) spiritual power and worthiness, would be required to create an object or
transform an object from pure energy.  I suppose the converse would be true,
also.

: That idea can only make sense if you're in your own universe without
: me... but I don't think you are, or how could I read your messages?

Overlapping realities, of course.
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler
From: aaron@funcity.njit.edu (Aaron Watters)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Reality of repressed memory/ritual abuse
Date: 9 Jan 93 22:27:02 GMT
Organization: New Jersey Institute of Technology

In article <C0Lw9H.3pC@cs.uiuc.edu> kadie@cs.uiuc.edu (Carl M. Kadie) writes:
>
>dnelson@icaen.uiowa.edu (David Nelson) argues for the reality of
>*ritual* abuse. I believe debate of the evidence for and against
>ritual abuse is inappropriate to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery. If you are
>interested in this topic, please see sci.skeptic.
>
>- Carl

On the contrary, people who have dredged up repressed memories
of ritual abuse should know that the reality of both memory
repression and satanic cults are both questionable.

It is concievable that such knowledge may save them from ritual
abuse by therapists.  I quote from ``Doors of memory'' sidebar
in January 92's issue of Mother Jones:
      The turning point for Gondolf cam when her insurance
      ran out.  Forced to stop therapy, she began to reexamine
      her repressed memories...  she became convinced that
      her therapist had coerced her....

Simple explanations for personal problems aren't necessarily the
correct ones.

Just a thought.		-aaron
From: lmann@jjmhome.UUCP (Laurie Mann)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Clarification: Re: Convicted, Incarcerrated Rapist to Wed 17-year-old?
Date: 10 Jan 93 02:58:38 GMT
Distribution: alt

Important clarification (corrected final paragraph):


It's pretty appalling that a convicted rapist could be getting
married WHILE STILL IN JAIL, much less to a teenager.  Has anyone heard
anything about this?  Is this legal in Massachusetts????
From: anon.115@pax.tpa.com.au
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: about stuffed bears and elephants
Date: 12 Jan 1993 11:16:30 +1030
Organization: PAX - Public Access Unix (Adelaide,South Australia) - Anonymous Service
Reply-To: anon.115@pax.tpa.com.au
NNTP-Posting-Host: flash.pax.tpa.com.au




     Hi everybody. This is Riptide. I haven't been keeping up here 
lately because of all sorts of weird time constraints.
I'm using the Pax system because I don't remember offhand
the penet one (but I like it because it gives nicknames).
twwells is weird now. 
     
     Dziga wrote something which reminded me of my
elephant.
> 
> Mister Bear has an alternate personality that no one but me knows about.
> He is quite fearsome when provoked and he watches over me with an
> eagle eye. If anyone comes near me when I am sleeping, he attacks them
> ferociously with his  tremendous fangs.
> 
> It may seem ridiculous to have a stuffed bear to protect you, but I
> can prove that it works.  Ever since Mister Bear and I have had one
> another, no one has ever bothered me again.  He is a good friend.

      That is great.  I remember most of my childhood being totally
scared at night, and largely of my stuffed animals.  

      In my case, I find I need safety to sleep a lot of the time.
I first encountered my elephant during a session where I was in a
'confrontation' with my father. (I was ten or so).  I attacked him
and mom was defending him (I don't remember it all right now) and I
needed support of my own.  So I imagined something coming from my side
to help me.  I was kind of surprised when it was an elephant, 
but he was great.  
      He grabbed my dad with his trunk, and threw him out, then my mom.
It was incredible to have that much power on my side.  Then he turned to
me, and I got on him and we left the house.
      
      Now when I need to feel safe, I can just climb in between 
his legs and sleep while he stands watch.  Or just having him standing 
behind me when I am in a tense situation.  I have been told to imagine
a tree behind me when I am feeling nervous, but it is so much more
powerful for me to have an elephant.
      He has prevented me from doing a lot of dumb things.

      Anyway, i have to go.  I haven't eaten all day.  

      Riptide



PS Are you around Anika?  I haven't been able to get through to 
you lately. 


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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: Wallow
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 19:34:29 GMT

Laurie Mann (lmann@vineland.pubs.stratus.com) wrote:

: I think society's over interest in appearances is bull.  I am fat and I know  
: you can like yourself, be a good person and still be fat.  Appearances
: shouldn't matter---the type of person you are SHOULD.  I'd argue it
: in the other direction---you have to like yourself INDEPENDENT of your
: size.  If you like yourself ONLY because of your size, then something
: is wrong.

One of the most attractive women I know (yes, Miss S., I'm talking about *you*)
is overweight.  Doesn't stop me from liking her.  Sorry, make that *two* of
the most attractive women I know.  Both of them are 160+ lbs., shorter than I
(5'7"), and very attractive and fun to be around.  Society has sold all of us
a bill of goods about women and weight.  There's a distinct gender
discrimination issue here, too - men are "big", and "big" men are admired and
get more attention from women, while women are "fat" and are shunned and
called names behind their back.  How sad.
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler
From: anon-1534@twwells.com (Suzanna)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: It's my birthday too, yeah :-(
Date: 12 Jan 93 00:12:40 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


 >    First of all, a non-birthday means no anticipation (please realize
 >    this entire scenario is hypothetical and ever so slightly
 >    sarcastic).  When one awakens, one's first thought is not "it's my
 >    Birthday."  This should last all day, and nothing should jar one
 >    into thinking about one's birthday.
 >    Secondly, one does nothing to celebrate the day.  No party, no
 >    special dinner, no presents.  Friends who want to celebrate are
 >    told that they may not, at least not with the birthday subject.
 >    The ideal plans (if any) are to do laundry, house cleaning, and
 >    other like activities.  Lastly, one must not remember any birthdays
 >    from the past.  This is a crucial point, as it can undermine
 >    totally the effects rendered by the above steps.
 > 
I think I must have had many non-birthdays. The only detail that
breaks with your outline is that I cannot help but remember my
eleventh birthday. However, I do that on most days. Is it a good thing
to have non-birthdays?

 >    I also broke another "rule" by going out to dinner with my wife and
 >    our closest friends, David and Karen.

How lovely! I hope you enjoyed it. I don't like going out at all, but
I've read some wonderful stories about dinners out. I very much hope
it was like them.

(I'm sorry, I don't know if that what I just said above is acceptable.
I'm sorry if I've caused any trouble.)

 >    Thanks to Suzanna,

I'm sorry, I didn't know I've done anything to be thanked for.
However, thank you.

 >    Peter Warton (The h was dropped over 800 years ago)		  

I'm sorry, where did the "h" go over 800 years ago? I'm sorry, that is
ambiguous; I mean, where in your name did the "h" fit?

(By the way, is anyone other than myself having trouble sending to
anon-asar@twwells.com? I hope I'm not doing anything wrong.)

Suzanna



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Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote)
Subject: Re: Ritual Abuse Upper (really!)
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 1993 21:56:24 GMT

[Brian 'Rev P-K' sian spouts off about disbelief of Rit Abuse in
Satanic Cults]

Frankly my dear I don't give a damn whether you believe it or not.
Shelly's experiences have convinced me of the truth of her claims.

I think discussing the validity of the number of murders that these
groups commit is not useful here because the discussion begins to 
sound like peole are claiming ritual abuse is not going on.  In just
the past 7 months I have heard enough discussion here to be completely
convinced it does go on, and that it is widespread at least in this
country.

The way to break these groups is to heal ourselves and publicise the
abuse crimes these groups commit - so kids begin to feel that they 
will be believed if they talk about what happens to them ( ie incest
and child sexual abuse).  Its not going to happen overnight but I
really believe there has already been an irrevocable change & that 
child sexual abuse perpetrators won't be so confident in the future
that they won't be found out.  

--
Fare Well
Mike Stoughton
stote@den.mmc.com
From: anon-1534@twwells.com (Suzanna)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Recurring nightmares
Date: 6 Jan 93 00:10:13 GMT
Organization: Anonymous Posting Service at twwells.com
X-Email-Accepted: yes


   >can't seem to. Is there anything I can do, without going outside, to
   >change this? I read the FAQ, but I don't wake up until after the dream
   >is finished, and then it's too late.

   Here are a couple of guesses....One would be to imagine the dream while
   you're awake, and choose better outcomes then.

How do I choose a better outcome? The nightmare starts off bad (I'm
sorry, I don't know of a better term) and get worse. 

   This other one would probably stir up a lot of pain, but might be useful.
   See if the dream reminds you of any memories. Feel what was going on then.
   If all your feelings want is to be felt, then feeling them directly means
   that you don't have to have nightmares to feel them. (This is based on
   Janov's Primal Scream stuff as I understand it--I tried it and stirred up
   more pain than I was willing to handle.)

I'm sorry, I should have been more specific in my post. The nightmare
is directly from my memories. It is a compilation of a few memories
about incidents when I was younger. Normally sleeping is nice to me; I
have had some wonderful dreams, but since this nightmare has come
back, it's as bad as it is when I'm awake.

   You might want to check _Urban Shaman_ by Serge Kahili King--it's very
   a very strong but not self-destructive approach to internal states. 

Thank you, I will see if the library has it.

   This just means that you're hanging out with people who don't suit you.
   Try rec.arts.books or science fiction conventions. Also, some people just
   need more alone time than others, and the more social sorts tend not to
   understand this.

Thank you for your suggestion; I shall expand my newslist accordingly.

   Reading is life!  :-)

It is wonderful to hear someone say that!

   Read any good books lately?  I recommend _Moonwise_ by Greer Ilene Gilman--
   it's in a very difficult style, but once I fought my way into the writing,
   I found that it worked magnificently well emotionally.

I'm sorry, mostly I read textbooks for my upcoming university courses.
I don't have much time during term, because I have to go to work as
well. But I read Franz Kafka's _The Trial_ last year, and have started
on _The Castle_, and I also dip into the _Gormenghast_ trilogy by
Mervin Peake occassionally.

   If you quit apologizing, I'll forgive you.

I'm sorry, I don't really know any ettiquette, on the net or out of
it. I was taught that if I did something wrong I shoud apologise, and
accept the punishment without rancour.

Should this be conducted via email? I don't know if anyone else is
interested in this reply.

Suzanna



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From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: We Have Been Trying to WARN YOUN!!!!
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1993 07:57:26 GMT

Kristen Kohlbecker (tyger@netcom.com) wrote:

: I do and don't agree with this. While there is "evidence" to support the
: claim that ritual abuse does happen, there is surely an equal amount to 
: prove that it doesn't. The real issue is the quality of that evidence.
: Unfortunately for those who may actually have experienced it, there are
: many analysts/social workers who have been shown to tamper with the minds
: of their subjects, implanting the notion of ritual abuse, and thereby casting
: into a dubious light potentially real claims.

Even unintentionally, it is *so* easy for a therapist to implant this sort of
thing - even innocent-sounding questions can be leading.

: If anything, drieux is guilty of not more carefully considering his audience,
: but it is a dangerous thing to assume you know his reasons, and truthfully, I
: find your pigeonholing of him very nearly as offensive as you seemed to find
: his satire of Satanic cults. I know drieux, and have met him, and your 
: assessment of his character no more resembles him, than one fingerprint
: resembles another.

I know drieux, and have also met him.  He's a pretty neat guy.  He has a
somewhat bizarre sense of humor which is inappropriate here, but he's no perp.

: Posters here are asked to consider carefully what they say, and show some 
: consideration for the safe space healing processes going on here. Is this
: a courtesy extended only to those with whom you agree? That seems rather
: inequitable to me.

Agreed.
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler
From: doug@cdc.hp.com (Doug Sojourner)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: Let it end soon, please
Date: 12 Jan 93 00:39:56 GMT
Reply-To: dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
Organization: HP California Design Center, Santa Clara, CA
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1.4 PL7]

MelancholyChild (anon-1280@twwells.com) wrote:

:Well, thank you, but that post brought me a response telling me to
:"quit whining" and I realize that I was whining. People don't want 
:to hear how much I despise myself, and how I'm totally full of despair
:and hopelessness. It's just bullshit, it's all bullshit, and it is
:better for me to keep it to myself. It's not going to get better,
:and I can't even write anything anymore that isn't full of cynical,
:self-hating, whiny bullshit. That makes me hate myself even more,
:so I just delete whatever I've written. No big deal.
:
:  [and lots of other important stuff ...]

MelancholyChild - I didn't see your original post as "whining" at all,
and while I don't want you to despise yourself, I don't want you to
bottle it up or lie about it either: if that's how you feel, that's
what I want to hear.  To me, it's not bullshit.  To me it's hard work.
I work very hard to know how I'm feeling (even when it's really bad),
and when I say so, I like to think it's an accomplishment.

I don't know who sent you the response, or where they were coming
from, but for me messages like that reflect the minimizing my parents
did of my very real and important pain.

Anyway, I, for one, appreciate when I can see people say how they
REALLY feel.

Wishing some nice feelings for you in the midst of your pain,


Doug Sojourner

dsojourner@cdc.hp.com
anon-1158@twwells.com
an651@anon.penet.fi
From: stote@tomcat.den.mmc.com (M. Stote)
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
Subject: Re: TIRED and child abuse statistics.
Date: 5 Jan 93 16:24:13 GMT
Organization: Martin Marietta Astronautics Group

The problem is not just limited to the industrialized world.  A few years 
ago Shelly & I were looking at an adoption agency which worked with 
Phillipine orphanages.  At one of the informational meetings the director
of the agency described how widespread and accepted incest was within their
society, and that many of the babys in the orphanages were a result of incest.
Sorry I can't remember any of the details - 3 years ago was a looong loooongg
time ago ! :)

--
fare Well
Mike Stoughton
stote@den.mmc.com
Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: fsacp@acad3.alaska.edu
Subject: Test Ignore!
Organization: University of Alaska Fairbanks
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1993 09:05:21 GMT

This is a Test I dunno if this new Vax work's right or not
sorry for the inconvenience!
Jay

Newsgroups: alt.sexual.abuse.recovery
From: erc@unislc.uucp (Ed Carp)
Subject: Re: WOMEN ABUSES!!!
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6]
Organization: Unisys Corporation SLC
Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 00:12:39 GMT

Laurie Mann (lmann@jjmhome.UUCP) wrote:

: Cloister, nothing.  Bill is just doing his usual "terrific" job at
: managing an anonymous posting service.
: 
: Thanks for letting the abusers through again, Bill.
: 
: (Do yourselves a favor and put "Mr.  Freud" in the kill file where he
: belongs.)

Uh, excuse me, but how was the post abusive?  Are you calling Mr. Freud
an abuser - if so, on what do you base your estimation?  The post certainly
wasn't abusive of anyone - the guy was just abused by a woman for several
years, and expressed that.  He, like you, is an abuse survivor - or I misread
the post completely.  Perhaps not sexual abuse (the post didn't contain enough
details) but sure sounded like some emotional abuse.  Or did I miss a later
posting of his?
-- 
Ed Carp			erc@apple.com, erc@saturn.upl.com	801/538-0177
1935 will go down in history.  For the first time, a civilized nation has
full gun registration.  Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient,
and the world will follow our lead into the future.  --Adolf Hitler