From: tbachman@hamline.edu (Toni Bachman)
Subject: Plain Talk About When Your Child Starts School (LONG)
Organization: Hamline University, St. Paul, MN.
Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1992 17:20:29 GMT

Hello:

Here is an article from the National Institute of Mental Health that we
received with the kindergarten papers for our Fredrick who starts school
on September 11.  I thought the article had some good ideas so thought I  
would share it with all of you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------                PLAIN TALK ABOUT WHEN YOUR CHILD STARTS SCHOOL

	The first day of school is a milestone in your child's life.
Your understanding at this "turning point" is important to the child's
future attitude toward school and to his or her healthy growth and
development.

Experts in child mental health and development emphasize that you, the
parent, can play an important role in starting your child off with the
self-confidence needed throughout life.  This self-confidence is built
upon good feelings about parents, about authority figures at school, about
other children, and about himself or herself as a worthwhile human being.

Here are some things for you to keep in mind:

Recognize that the day your child first goes off to school is an important
event.  Realizing this can help you to make it a positive experience.
It is the first major separation from the secure and familiar world of
home and family, and it marks entrance into a new universe of friendship,
learning, and adventure - a world that parents can never again entirely share.  Your greatest gift to your child at this time is your loving support and
understanding.

Remember that learning to like school and liking to learn are closely
related.  Your child's first school experience can contribute to a good         or bad attitude toward school in the years ahead.

Prepare your child for the new school experience by explaining what to expect   and answering all questions honestly.  Children need to know the number of 
days and the length of time they will be in school as well as how to get 
there and back.  A child may be anzious, and needs to know details in order
to handle the stress involved.  Working mothers and fathers should make
certain that the child knows the arrangements for before and after school
care.

Convey a positive attitue about school.  If the parents show enthusiasm for
what the school experience can mean, the child is more likely to look forward   to it.

Make transportation plans clear to the child.  If he or she is to walk to
school, walk the route together a few times before and after school starts.
If there are other children from your neighborhood who are of the same age, 
see if they can walk together.  If a child goes to school by bus, help the
child identify the vehicle.  Encourage older children to watch over younger
ones.  Once the bus arrives, be direct; say goodbye and allow the child to
board alone.  If the child cries, try not to overreact; in most cases the
tears will soon disappear.

Create a normal routine atmosphere at home the first few days of school.  Do
not deny or avoid the uniqueness of the situation, but do take an active
interest in what your child tells you about school when he or she comes home.
Be a good listener, allowing time to talk about school and people there.

Give your child free playtime at home.  Now that your child spends more time
in a structured school environment, you should allow more free time at home
for play.

Get to know your child's teacher.  Get involved with the parent-teacher
organization.  Volunteer your services in school, or check out ways you can
help improve school conditions if you are unhappy with them.

Praise your child for the good things he/she has done.  Remember there is more
to be gained from accenting the positive.  A pat on the back for the right
answers can go a long way.  Too often we tend to focus on poor performance
and behavior.

Treat going to school as part of the normal course of events, something that
is expected of your child and accepted by you.  If your child appears nervous
about goin to school, discuss his or her concern.  Show understanding and
offer encouragement.  A calm, matter-of-fact, positive attitude is your
goal.  Don't argue the issue of school attendance; it is required by law.

Plan your day so that you can spend   time with your child.  Be available
when your child needs you.  Be sure there is time to talk about school and
the happenings of each day.

Let your child settle the quarrels or difficulties that may arise with
school friends.  Usually, unless children are harming each other 
physically, it is wise not to rush to the rescue.  Try to let them work
out their own differences.

Help you child cope with occasional frustrations and disappointments at
school.  Learning to cope with all kinds of experiences is important to
development and helps prepare for the stresses of life.

Avoid comparing this child's school experiences with how brothers and 
sisters or neighbors did when they began school.  Such comparisons can
be harmful to a child's self-image.  Each of us is different and we meet
life's turning points and experiences in our own way.

Think of yourself as supporting and helping your children's development -
but not as "protecting" them from a world about which they must learn.

In rare instances, when a child does not accept school after several days, or
when fearfulness and feelings of distress appear and persist, the child may 
have a problem.  At this point, you should seek advice from the school
guidance counselor, the teacher, the family physician, school psychologist,
community mental health center staff, or others who may offer expert
advice.

With firm, patient reassuring handling of the child by parents and teachers,
usually the child soon will feel comfortable away from home and will make  
new friends and learn some interesting, exciting things.

What is important for the child's emotional health is that, having faced
and mastered a new challenge - with support from others - the youngster
has helped to build his or her own feelings of self-confidence and
security.

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