From: taylor@hardy.u.washington.edu (Allen D. Taylor)
Subject: Re: For Ed/not a flame/an observation
Organization: University of Washington, Seattle
Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1992 00:25:32 GMT

[I mailed this instead of posting it, so now I'm posting it.  I seem tohave
gotten two responses through twwells, but not using twwells, they are lost
and I don't seem to be talking to twwells the way it wants.  Reply
durectly to me (address at bottom) if you tried through twwells.  Or maybe
I have my anon set up correctly now.]

In article <BxJDAB.IF0@twwells.com> you write:
>Ed,
>
>Teressa's not the only one who has been bothered by your responses. I 
>hope you can hear what she's said.
>
>Some people who read asar are much more sensitive to your remarks than 
>others depending on where they are in their recovery.
>
{major chunk deleted}
>
>This is not a flame. This stuff is very scary. People are hurt by words 
>all the time. I don't want you to hurt but I would like you to stop 
                                        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I do not intend this post as picking on Free Amazon.  I am using this
statement as a starting point because to me it symbolizes a problem I have
with ASAR.  Please note, I am not telling anyone here what to say or not
say, just what I feel about _how_ a number of poster express themselves. 
In case you don't remember me because I don't post often, I am a survivor
of rapes by my father, mother, older sister, scoutmaster, etc...  I have a
2 digit anon number.  I am a recovering alcoholic and compulsive
overeater. 

When I read some of Ed's posts, I'll think, "There will be flames over
this one." When the flames start, I hear a lot of judgement in peoples
responses to Ed.  I hear personal accusations of Ed himself.  Now, in my
opinion Ed may not always express things the way _I_ would prefer. 
However, with one exception, I have never felt Ed attacked anyone
personally.  Ed was always expressing his own opinion.  I have always
enjoyed Ed's postings.  They have always been thought provoking. 
Sometime they have been very irritating.  BUT THAT'S MY STUFF! 

If I have learned anything as a victim, it's that it can be a hard cruel
world.  If I have learned anything as a survivor, it's that I don't want
to hide from the hard cruel world because when I do I also lose the
beautiful, caring world that is also out there.

When a posting bothers me, and lots do besides Ed's, I look to myself to
find out why.  Why look to myself?  Because I am the only one that I can
change.  I am not perfect, but a goal of mine is to never tell someone
else how to live.  Instead I will tell them how _I_ live.  I try to use I
words instead of You words.  I do that even inside my mind, but most
especially when I am talking about something that upset me.

>
>Please consider your answers carefully.

This sounds to _me_ to be very directive and controlling.  On the other
hand, I have no way of knowing if that was your intent.  All I can tell is
that is how I read it.  I know that I resist direction strongly. 
Therefore, I will often read directiveness into something when it is not
there.   I am using this as an honest example of how I read postings.  My
assumption of your directiveness is therefore disarmed and I don't get
upset about it and I don't feel called upon to respond to you in any
negative, judgemental or directive controlling way.

I hope that last sentence doesn't read as directed at you.  It isn't.  It
is directed at me.  Because that is how I used to be and, without the 12
steps, would probably still be.

Peace, love and serenity to all,

--Allen

==============================================================================
Allen D. Taylor       University of Washington   taylor@cac.washington.edu
Information Systems   Seattle, Washington  USA   Human 1st - World Citizen 2nd
==============================================================================